E38 - Only Children Play in the Snow

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    [Today's episode is a double-feature showcasing the "Kabukicho Snow Festival" and "Fireworks In Winter"!!]
SIGN    [We also have a new ending song, so stay tuned!]
[01:38] Shinpachi (M)
    Huh? What happened? The sky is all white.
[01:44] Shinpachi (M)
    Huh? I'm the one all white...
[01:49] Shinpachi (M)
    Huh? Why am I sleeping in a place like this?
[01:54] Shinpachi (M)
    Huh? Has something like this happened before? Huh?
SIGN    ["Only Children Play in the Snow"]
[02:05] Otose
    I'm not sure if there's an abnormal climate system this winter or what, but...
[02:09] Otose
    When it's raining, you wash yourself in an outdoor tub!
[02:11] Otose
    If it's raining spears, you'd do a bamboo dance!
[02:13] Otose
    We, as Edoites, believe that whatever happens, we might as well enjoy it!
[02:17] ---
    So...
[02:19] Otose
    The First Chiki Chiki Kabukicho Snow Festival will commence!
[02:24] Shinpachi
    Gin-san!
[02:26] Shinpachi
    I brought some snow.
[02:27] Gintoki
    Oh, leave it there.
[02:29] Shinpachi
    Wow, everyone is making great sculptures.
[02:32] Shinpachi
    They're all pretty risque snow statues, though. Well, that's Kabukicho, for you.
[02:36] Shinpachi
    We, of the Odd Jobs, are...
[02:38] Gintoki
    Well, this looks good... And I'll put the column in the middle...
[02:42] Shinpachi
    Our show will be taken off the air!
[02:44] Gintoki
    Hey, hey, what are you doing?
[02:47] Gintoki
    Don't you know how hard I worked to make that ball on the left?!
[02:51] Shinpachi
    What about you?!
[02:52] Shinpachi
    Don't you know how pissed off the producer will be if you do something like that?!
[02:56] Kagura
    Gin-chan, I made the column.
[02:59] Shinpachi
    Whoa! What are you holding, Kagura-chan?!
[03:01] Gintoki
    What, Shinpachi?!
[03:03] Gintoki
    I don't know what you think this is, but...
[03:05] Gintoki
    This is the Neo Armstrong Cyclone Jet Armstrong Cannon.
[03:11] Shinpachi
    You said Armstrong twice! There's no way such an obscene cannon exists!
[03:14] Gintoki
    You're in early adolescence and you always have dirty thoughts.
[03:18] Gintoki
    So whenever you see a pole and couple of balls, you immediately imagine something nasty.
[03:21] Kagura
    You're really disgusting. Don't talk to me for a while.
[03:25] Shinpachi
    Then, what is it, huh?
[03:26] Hasegawa
    Oh, you guys are here, too?
[03:29] Shinpachi
    Oh, Hasegawa-san.
[03:31] Shinpachi
    Please stop them. Those two are making something really...
[03:35] Hasegawa
    Hey, isn't that a Neo Armstrong Cyclone Jet Armstrong Cannon?
[03:40] Hasegawa
    It's got a very high-quality finish.
[03:42] Shinpachi
    What?! How do you know?! Does it really exist? Seriously?
[03:45] Shinpachi
    Am I the only one who doesn't know anything about it?!
[03:47] Gintoki
    It was the Dog Star clan's ultimate weapon.
[03:49] Gintoki
    They used it to blow up Edo Castle Tower and force Japan to open up the country.
[03:53] Shinpachi
    What? Our country was beaten with this ugly cannon?
[03:56] Gintoki
    Anyway, what are you doing here?
[03:59] Hasegawa
    Well, I've created my own sculpture for the contest.
[04:02] Hasegawa
    I heard the winner gets a big cash prize.
[04:05] Shinpachi
    Wow!
[04:06] Shinpachi
    What's this?!
[04:08] Shinpachi
    I'm not sure what it is, but it looks great!
[04:11] Hasegawa
    Well, it's nothing really.
[04:14] Hasegawa
    I tend to get immersed in anything I do, so I couldn't stop... I call it "Flight."
[04:19] Shinpachi
    It's fantastic! Are you the model for this, Hasegawa-san?
[04:23] Hasegawa
    Huh? Well, I put a lot of my heart and soul into it, so it ended up looking like me.
[04:28] Gintoki
    This is too buff to be you. Let me scrape some off around here.
[04:32] Hasegawa
    Hey, what are you doing?! Give me a break! That's the only thing holding it up.
[04:40] Gintoki
    Is this bit true to life too?
[04:42] Kagura
    I wonder if that part is like DORK's, too.
[04:44] Shinpachi
    No! You're not supposed to point out that part!
[04:46] Gintoki
    Hey, what dirty things are you showing to our Kagura-chan?!
[04:50] Hasegawa
    Just a minute!
[04:51] ---
    It's art! You see things like this in art textbooks all the time!
[04:54] Gintoki
    Bastard! Are you trying to get Gin Tama canceled?!
[04:58] Hasegawa
    Hey! Watch where you throw that snowball!
[05:01] Kagura
    Take that!
[05:02] Hasegawa
    Whoa! My Dandy Outstanding Refined Knob. In short, DORK!
[05:10] Hasegawa/Shinpachi (M)
    It's stuck!
[05:12] Man A
    Hey! How could you stick that dirty thing onto our masterpiece?!
[05:17] Hasegawa
    They're coming! Do something!
SIGN    [Flight (crossed out)]
SIGN    [Hey, Lady. Pant pant.]
SIGN    [How you doing? Pant pant.]
SIGN    [You're pretty. Pant pant.]
[05:32] Otose
    This is great work.
[05:34] Hasegawa
    Oh, really?
[05:35] Shinpachi
    Hey, you two were so callous! I bet you did that on purpose.
[05:39] Gintoki
    No, I didn't mean it.
[05:40] Gintoki
    But if we had left it as it was, I'm sure the PTA would've complained.
[05:44] Shinpachi
    Yours is a hundred times worse.
[05:47] Gintoki
    Hey, I just came up with a great idea. Let's add some wings. Wings.
[05:51] Kagura
    Gin-chan, that sounds great! How did you come up with such a great idea?
[05:55] Gintoki
    Well, I don't know, but it just came to me.
[05:58] Katsura
    Oh? You guys are here, too?
[06:00] Shinpachi
    Katsura-san...
[06:01] Katsura
    Oh? This is the Neo Armstrong Cyclone Jet Armstrong Cannon.
[06:06] Katsura
    It has a very high-quality finish.
[06:08] Shinpachi
    And, how do you know?
[06:09] Katsura
    Another name for it is "Running Thunder."
[06:12] Katsura
    It caused "The Seven Days of Fire" during the Balkans Campaign.
[06:16] Shinpachi
    That's not the story I heard.
[06:18] Kagura
    What are you doing here?
[06:21] Katsura
    I'm participating just for fun.
[06:24] Shinpachi
    Wow! Great! It's like an amusement park!
[06:28] Katsura
    Something like this should be fun for children. I hope you guys like it.
[06:35] Katsura
    Hey, that's not the right way to play with it.
[06:37] Kagura
    You mean this isn't for rock climbing?
[06:39] Katsura
    No, this is a slide.
[06:42] Katsura
    Don't slide with those on!
[06:46] Gintoki
    Hey, Zura, where're the stairs?
[06:49] Katsura
    What are you guys, mountain goats?! And you were just on the stairs, fool!
[06:55] Katsura
    Geez, the slide is all scratched up. I'll smooth it out.
[07:01] Katsura
    You bastards!
[07:04] Katsura
    I know! You're trying to ruin my work so that you can win the grand prize!
[07:07] Katsura
    I won't let you win that easily!
[07:15] Gintoki
    Hey, isn't it amazing?
[07:17] Gintoki
    You must be a genius. What made you think of attaching a slide to this?
[07:22] Kagura
    I don't know, but it just came to me. It was perspiration, uh-huh.
[07:26] Shinpachi
    You mean, inspiration.
[07:28] Sa-Chan
    Oh, hi, Gin-san. What a surprise to see you here.
[07:31] Sa-Chan
    I swear I had no idea you were here. It's not like I was following you or anything. It's just...
[07:37] Shinpachi
    Nobody asked you...
[07:38] Sa-Chan
    Huh? This is a Neo Armstrong Cyclone Jet Armstrong Cannon. It's got a very high-quality finish.
[07:44] Shinpachi
    How do you even know that? You can't even see it's original shape anymore.
[07:46] Sa-Chan
    During the interstellar war between the planets Tuezzhan and Casshern,
[07:51] Sa-Chan
    this "Method Cannon" ultimately led the Tuezzhan to victory,
[07:54] Sa-Chan
    and has been long since abandoned in a storehouse.
[07:57] Shinpachi
    I don't care! That story's crap!
[07:59] Shiinpachi
    Are you making a sculpture, too?
[08:02] Sa-Chan
    Well, it's nothing really...
[08:05] Shinpachi
    Oh, really? I see something that has your name all over it.
[08:10] Sa-Chan
    Don't get me wrong. Th-That's not Gin-san.
[08:13] Sa-Chan
    Um... I'm not violating Shueisha's or any publisher's copyrights or anything.
[08:18] Kagura
    Its legs are far too long. Gin-chan's are shorter.
[08:22] Shinpachi
    It's a glorification of him.
[08:24] Gintoki
    Well, that's about right. Great. It looks exactly like me.
[08:28] Gintoki
    I bet this will win the grand prize. I can't possibly destroy it.
[08:32] Sa-Chan
    Eh? Really? Are you giving me a compliment?
[08:34] Gintoki
    Well, I just said what I thought.
[08:37] Shinpachi
    Why are his arms positioned out like that?
[08:39] Sa-Chan
    Oh, that is...
[08:41] Sa-Chan
    For this...and now it's complete.
[08:46] Gintoki
    What are you doing? Gin-san's arms! Fix them quickly! Hurry!
[08:50] Sa-Chan
    S-Sorry! Oh, my glasses...
[08:53] ---
    I'll put them right back on!
[08:57] Otae
    What...
[08:59] Otae
    ...are you doing, you dirty old geezer!
[09:01] Gintoki
    Why me?!
[09:03] Otae
    How strange. I thought you really were touching me, Gin-san. Sorry.
[09:08] Shinpachi
    Sis, what are you doing here?
[09:10] Otae
    Well, the store I work at is entered in the competition.
[09:13] ---
    Oh?
[09:15] Otae
    This is a Neo Armstrong Cyclone Jet Armstrong Cannon.
[09:18] Otae
    It has a very high-quality finish, too.
[09:19] Shinpachi
    No! It looks nothing like it did before!
[09:21] Otae
    It looks so stupid. And there's nothing we can do with this Armstrong.
[09:24] Shinpachi
    What? What the heck is an Armstrong Cannon?!
[09:26] Otae
    By the way, do you want to see our sculpture, Shin-chan?
[09:29] Otae
    We worked really hard on it.
[09:34] Otae
    See? Isn't it great?
[09:37] Otae
    What kind of work did the Odd Jobs do?
[09:40] Gintoki
    Huh? Well... Um...
[09:44] Gintoki (M)
    I'm too embarrassed to say. What did we do?!
[09:47] Gintoki (M)
    What is a Neo Armstrong Cyclone Jet Armstrong Cannon, anyway?
[09:51] Gintoki (M)
    That's just porn.
[09:53] Shinpachi
    Ah. The truth at last.
[09:55] Kagura (M)
    There's no way we'd win the grand prize, or even a prize for participating.
[09:58] Gintoki (M)
    Let's go home, before we publicly humiliate ourselves.
[10:02] Otae
    Huh? Where are you going?
[10:04] Otae
    Don't you want to stay just a little longer to enjoy our snow statue?
[10:09] Otae
    What's that?! There's something weird on the snow statue!
[10:13] Hasegawa
    Who cares about the grand prize!!
[10:15] Hasegawa
    If I can't have it, no one can!!
[10:19] Hasegawa
    It's all gonna melt, anyway.
[10:22] Hasegawa
    Into oblivion!!
[10:26] Woman
    There's the pervert!!
[10:28] Katsura
    It's futile! Even if we made a new slide, they'd just destroy it again!
[10:34] Katsura
    I don't want the slide anymore! I wish all the slides in the world would collapse!
[10:40] Oryo
    Oh, my! Everybody is fighting! What a mess!
[10:44] Oryo
    What should we do, Otae? We'd better give up on winning.
[10:49] ---
    Otae?
[10:50] Oryo
    Hey, what are you doing?
[10:52] Otae
    Give me a break! No way will I give up! I'll win!
[10:56] Otae
    We promised to share the 100 cups of Bäagen-Dash!
[11:05] Gintoki
    Bäagen-Dash? The winner gets 100 cups of ice cream?
[11:08] Gintoki
    Hey, you've got to be kidding.
[11:11] Gintoki
    I worked so hard on a cold day because I thought we would get a cash prize.
[11:17] Gintoki
    Damn you, granny! You tricked me!
[11:22] Kagura
    How dare you treat us like fools!
[11:31] Shinpachi
    Otose-san, what's everybody doing? Is this a snowball fight competition?
[11:41] Otose
    Nope...
[11:44] Otose
    It's a festival.
[11:54] Master
    You see that?! You see that?! I made those fireworks!!
[11:57] Matsu
    It's a tiny bit lopsided...
[12:00] Master
    Quit nitpicking!
[12:04] Matsu
    Fireworks sparkling in the summer sky...
[12:07] Matsu
    Like a flower that blooms and disappears in an instant.
[12:13] Matsu
    But then... aren't we like that, too?
SIGN    ["Eating Ice Cream in Winter Is Awesome"]
[12:21] Gintoki
    Hey, hey, hey! What's this?!
[12:24] Gintoki
    This looks like snails. Is this some kind of punishment?
[12:28] Shinpachi
    This may be...escargot or whatever you call it. It's a delicacy...I think. And very expensive.
[12:32] Kagura
    Really?
[12:33] Shinpachi
    Hey! That means this job's gonna be great!
[12:38] Shinpachi
    I mean, if they start feeding us all this fancy food...
[12:40] Gintoki
    Idiot! Don't flip out too much.
[12:42] Gintoki
    They're testing us. To see if we're classy enough.
[12:47] Gintoki
    Look at the butler. He's smirking at us, isn't he?
[12:52] Kagura
    You're right.
[12:53] ---
    What? But... what are we supposed to do with this snail thing?
[12:57] Gintoki
    It's a plate! I think we put food on top like this then eat it.
[13:01] Shinpachi
    Plate... But it's already on the plate.
[13:05] Gintoki
    We put a coffee cup on the plate. It's like a saucer, right? It's classy.
[13:10] Kagura
    You guys are real hicks. Watch how I use it.
[13:14] Kagura
    Excuse me.
[13:16] Kagura
    More water, please.
[13:17] Gintoki
    I see. We use it to call the butler. That's why it's disk-shaped.
[13:22] Gintoki
    Can I have some chopsticks, please?
[13:24] Shinpachi
    I don't think that's right.
[13:25] Gintoki
    Yes, it is. Because he stopped smirking. Wait? Is he crying?
[13:33] Gintoki
    Who's that guy? What? Some mollusk demon?
[13:36] Kagura
    He's got a snail on his head.
[13:39] Shinpachi
    Huh? Is that what we're supposed to do with it? Wear it?
[13:42] Young Master
    Sorry I'm late, Mr. Odd Jobs. My mother is feeling ill and I...
[13:48] Young Master
    What are you guys doing?!
[13:53] Shinpachi
    I'm sorry. We're not used to this kind of thing...
[13:57] Young Master
    That's all right. By the way, I'm glad to see you're getting along so well with my father.
[14:04] Shinpachi
    Huh? Father?
[14:05] Young Master
    Yes. That's right, he's my father.
[14:09] Young Master
    The reason I called you over here is to take care of him.
[14:14] Gintoki
    You escargot old fart! Quit poaching my...
[14:17] Master
    Who's an egg, eh?!
[14:20] Young Master
    Sorry, my father hasn't been himself for some time now...
[14:26] Young Master
    When he was younger, he was the greatest pyrotechnist in Edo. A master of fireworks!
[14:32] Young Master
    But after he retired to take care of my mother,
[14:34] Young Master
    who had become ill, something strange came over him.
[14:37] Master
    Junk Board Wandam. You're hairy today.
SIGN    [Note: word play on Gundam robots]
SIGN    [Note: Kuso means crap]
[14:42] Kagura
    Hmm... He's Janno Kuso Gundam. It's a pretty name.
SIGN    [Note: Mamire means covered, so JUMP covered in crap.]
[14:46] Master
    No, no. JUMP Kuso Mamire.
[14:47] Young Master
    He sometimes wanders around at night and leaves home for a couple of days.
[14:49] Kagura
    Hmm...Kuso mamire. It's a pretty name.
[14:51] Young Master
    He's getting to be a handful...
[14:53] Master
    Right. It's Michael J. Dogs.
[14:56] Shinpachi
    They seem to be getting along well.
[14:58] Gintoki
    Kinda sad though. Old men... they get senile so quick, y'know?
[15:03] Gintoki
    Old ladies do fine after their husbands die.
[15:08] ---
    But if a man's wife dies first, he usually just comes apart.
[15:14] Shinpachi
    But his wife isn't dead yet.
[15:17] Shinpachi
    She grew ill three years ago, so she's been bedridden.
[15:22] Shinpachi
    He stopped making fireworks to take care of her,
[15:25] Shinpachi
    and, as a result, now he's behaving like that.
[15:28] Shinpachi
    I bet he loved fireworks.
[15:30] ---
    Seeing him in this light, I feel really sorry for the old man.
[15:33] Shinpachi
    Old fart! What are you doing?!
[15:37] Kagura
    He said he's going to meet his lover.
[15:39] Shinpachi
    No way! He's already got one! Get him down before he escapes!
[15:44] Gintoki
    Get out of the way!
[15:48] Gintoki
    There!
[15:54] Gintoki
    You've gotta be more careful.
[15:57] ---
    Hey, wasn't that a bit much?
[15:59] Shinpachi
    I thought we were supposed to take care of him... not kill him.
[16:04] Shinpachi
    Ah! He hasn't given up yet!
[16:07] Gintoki
    What?!
[16:10] Gintoki
    Why the heck is he so energetic? I thought this guy was old!
[16:18] Shinpachi
    Hey! You're destroying the house!!
[16:24] Gintoki/Kagura
    There!
[16:34] Young Master
    Father, please stop this.
[16:36] Youngmaster
    Mom is really sick! Can't you tell the good from the bad in these situations?!
[16:40] Shinpachi
    I'm sorry. We got carried away, too.
[16:43] Master
    Don't worry about it. You fought well.
[16:47] Shinpachi
    Will you shut up, old fart!
[16:49] Young Master
    From now on, Father, Mom is going to the hospital.
[16:54] Young Master
    She's gotten a lot worse.
[16:56] Young Master
    We can't take care of her at home anymore.
[16:59] Shinpachi
    Then he won't be with his wife at all.
[17:03] Young Master
    Father...
[17:05] Young Master
    Don't you have anything to say?
[17:09] Master
    I'm going out to see my lover.
[17:15] Young Master
    Good grief... I wonder if he even remembers mother at all.
[17:20] Gintoki
    Excuse me.
[17:22] Matsu
    Please let him be.
[17:26] Matsu
    I'm the one who made him this way.
[17:31] Matsu
    I took away his fireworks... So please...
[17:35] ---
    Let him make his own choices.
[17:40] Matsu
    He's done enough for me.
[17:44] Matsu
    He gave up the fireworks career he loved and worked very hard to take care of me.
[17:50] Matsu
    But I can't stand to see him miserable because he can't do what he loves anymore.
[17:58] Matsu
    I don't mind if he forgets about me... His mind was filled with fireworks from the start anyways.
[18:07] Matsu
    There is no place for me in his life now.
[18:12] ---
    And that's the man I fell in love with.
[18:16] Young Master
    Mom...
[18:32] Gintoki
    Hmm, so this is the place he hides his lover.
[18:35] Butler
    That's right.
[18:38] Butler
    She's quite a special woman. We had better not interrupt them, Sakata-san.
[18:45] Gintoki
    Butler... So how do you come to be here?
[18:53] Gintoki
    Hey, hey! Isn't the old man just a bit too energetic?
[18:56] Gintoki
    What kind of position is he trying?
[19:04] Master
    Well, that was a failure!
[19:07] Master
    There...
[19:11] Gintoki
    Fireworks... Just as I thought...
[19:14] Gintoki
    How long have you known about this, Butler?
[19:17] Butler
    Quite a long time...
[19:20] Gintoki
    I heard that he left the house for a couple of days, but it was to come here, huh?
[19:26] Gintoki
    What a man! He forgets most things, but not his fireworks.
[19:32] Butler
    Fireworks are his life. They are part of his soul.
[19:37] Butler
    Even as his mind deteriorates, his great skills do not.
[19:41] Butler
    I feel sorry for his wife in saying this, but Master is an artisan.
[19:45] Butler
    And it's always made him less of a family man...
[19:47] ---
    Please...leave him alone. Let him die as an artist.
[19:52] Gintoki
    You're saying that he's forgotten his wife, but the great skills he learned still burn strong?
[19:57] ---
    That's a sad story.
[20:00] Gintoki
    I think humans are better than that.
[20:05] Gintoki
    Even if you lose your memory, you still retain it in your heart.
[20:11] ---
    You never lose the memories in your head, they are still deeply entrenched in your heart.
[20:16] Gintoki
    That's what I believe.
[20:23] Master
    Hey! Did you see that? Did you?
[20:26] Matsu
    Shut up! Of course I saw it!
[20:28] Matsu
    Why do I have to watch fireworks on such a cold day?!
[20:32] Master
    Fireworks in winter are special and so dazzling!
[20:37] Master
    Just watch this, all right?
[20:41] Matsu
    I don't care about your new fireworks...
[20:43] Matsu
    why do I have to come and watch your test fireworks?
[20:54] Matsu
    I'm sure he was trying to say "Come be my bride,"
[20:57] Matsu
    but he misspelled a word and it said "Come be my mound."
[21:02] Young Master
    My goodness! Father hasn't changed a bit.
[21:06] Matsu
    So true...
[21:08] Young Master
    Aren't you cold, Mom?
[21:10] Matsu
    I'm all right.
[21:11] Matsu (M)
    Right... that was 58 years ago today... I wonder if he still remembers...
[21:18] ---
    Well, I don't suppose he could...
[21:22] Master
    Matsu! Every year this date, I'll light up the sky for you!
[21:28] Matsu (M)
    Such a liar. That was the only time he ever did it.
[21:36] Master (M)
    Matsu, you said that people and fireworks
[21:40] Master (M)
    bloom like beautiful flowers for an instant and then fade away.
[21:44] Master (M)
    That may be true.
[21:46] ---
    But Matsu, even if it's only for a moment, I want you to bloom by my side.
[21:52] ---
    And when you fade away...do so at my side.
[21:55] Master (M)
    In return, I will...
[21:57] Master (M)
    ...make beautiful flowers bloom by your side again and again.
[22:02] Young Master
    Hey, Mom, look over there! Fireworks! At this time of the year!
[22:07] Butler
    It's so beautiful... Someone set off fireworks in winter.
[22:11] Butler
    There's a person who knows the very best.
[22:14] Matsu
    Yes indeed.
[22:16] Matsu
    It's a tiny bit lopsided, but... it's so beautiful.
[22:23] Kagura
    Gin-chan! Look! Look!
[22:24] Kagura
    Wow!! So beautiful!
[22:26] Shinpachi
    Are there any fireworks festivals scheduled today?
[22:34] Master
    Hey, are you watching?
SIGN    
SIGN    My name is Katsura.
SIGN    I'm a Ramen Hunter, who travels to all the ramen shops in Japan.
SIGN    I've fallen in love with your ramen.
SIGN    Please teach me how to make ramen under your tutelage.
SIGN    The next episode: "Ramen Shops with Long Menus Never Do Well."
SIGN    [Chased by the Shinsengumi, Katsura finds shelter in a ramen shop.]
SIGN    [Ikumatsu, owner of "Daigo Ramen." Her husband was killed by Anti-foreigner Rebels.]