E362 - Sign

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:04] Shin
    Uh, excuse me.
SIGN    Watch the Silver Soul arc in a bright
    room and at a safe distance from the TV!!!!!!!
[00:12] Ama
    What is wrong with you?!
[00:14] Shin
    Blah, blah, blah.
[00:17] Shin
    Could you keep it down?
[00:20] Shin
    Are you in heat or something?
[00:22] Shin
    I can't enjoy Terakado Tsu Best Of: 
    Shinpachi Edition with all this noise.
[00:27] Shin
    You're being a nuisance. Get out at once.
[00:31] Shin
    I can't ignore boys like him.
[00:35] Shin
    Why?
[00:37] Shin
    Because I was him once.
[00:39] Shin
    So you can grow strong, too!
[00:42] Manager
    No fighting in my café, you pieces of shit!
[00:47] Manager
    Mosuke, you okay?
[00:48] Manager
    How dare you beat up my son?! He's finally
    got out of his room and started working!
[00:54] Manager
    I don't care if you're big shots on some planet!
[00:57] Manager
    This is our country! This is my café!
[01:00] Manager
    I won't let you act like you
    own the place anymore,
[01:02] Manager
    you stupid Spectacalien!
[01:04] Manager
    Out with you!
[01:06] Manager
    And don't ever come back!
[01:11] Ama
    Curse you, Earthling!
[01:13] Ama
    You'll pay for this!
    You've started a diplomatic dispute!
[01:16] Ama
    Let's go!
[01:26] Shin
    You've built a fine café, boss.
[01:31] Shin
    Huh?
[01:32] Shin
    That's weird. I can't see.
[01:34] Shin
    Are these tears of joy?
[01:37] Shin
    I should've known I couldn't do what he did.
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Silver Soul
[02:56] Shin
    What would he say if he saw
    what Edo has become now?
[03:01] Shin
    Everyone's grown stronger.
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[03:03] Shin
    Everyone's much tougher.
[03:09] Shin
    I'm the only one still whimpering
    just like always, Gin-san.
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
SIGN    Sign
[03:35] (Flashback) Kag
    Gin-chan, get on your feet already.
[03:37] (Flashback) Shin
    Gin-san!
[03:43] (Flashback) Gin
    I know.
[03:47] (Flashback) Gin
    This isn't the time or place to die.
[03:51] (Flashback) Gin
    Can't let this be the end.
[03:54] (Flashback) Gin
    We haven't done a single thing yet.
[04:02] Shin
    That day, we died along with Earth...
[04:19] Shin
    and were reborn together, maybe.
[04:26] (Flashback) Shin
    We won, but it sure doesn't look like it.
[04:29] (Flashback) Gin
    There are no victors in war.
[04:33] (Flashback) Gin
    Everyone's a loser.
[04:36] (Flashback) Gin
    Hup.
SIGN    Gin-chan
SIGN    Sugar Content
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[04:38] (Flashback) Gin
    Talk about a mess.
SIGN    Snack Otose
[04:41] (Flashback) Gin
    Can it go back to normal?
[04:44] (Flashback) Shin
    I don't know. Some things may,
[04:48] (Flashback) Shin
    but some things won't.
[05:00] (Flashback) Shin
    Ane-san and Mone-san said they
    don't know when he'll wake up.
[05:06] (Flashback) Kag
    Dog deities exist on every planet, right?
[05:10] (Flashback) Kag
    We might find a way to wake
    him up on another planet.
[05:15] (Flashback) Kag
    I've decided.
[05:17] (Flashback) Kag
    And I've talked to Daddy and the others, too.
[05:20] (Flashback) Shin
    Then we'll go with...
[05:21] (Flashback) Kag
    I'm not taking you.
[05:23] (Flashback) Kag
    I don't want the help of guys who abandon
    their broken-down planet to come with me.
[05:29] (Flashback) Shin
    Kagura-chan...
[05:34] (Flashback) Gin
    Do you know why I started Odd Jobs?
[05:39] (Flashback) Gin
    Long story short, it was
    because I had nothing to do.
[05:43] (Flashback) Gin
    There was nothing I wanted to do,
    so I decided to do anything.
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[05:48] (Flashback) Gin
    Messed up, right?
[05:50] (Flashback) Gin
    I'm amazed I came this far when
    I started it for such a flimsy reason.
[05:54] (Flashback) Gin
    As like-minded people gathered here,
[05:57] (Flashback) Gin
    I lost my chance to quit.
[06:00] (Flashback) Shin
    Where's this coming from?
[06:01] (Flashback) Shin
    You don't often talk about the past.
[06:04] (Flashback) Gin
    So I decided that if they ever found
    something they really needed to do,
[06:10] (Flashback) Gin
    I'd take down this sign and close up shop.
[06:16] (Flashback) Gin
    And I've found something I need to do, too.
[06:21] (Flashback) Gin
    Shinpachi, it's crunch time.
[06:24] (Flashback) Gin
    What do you want to do?
[06:27] (Flashback) Shin
    I...
[06:30] Kid
    Hey, hey!
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan Shimura Shinpachi
[06:32] Kid
    What's with this "Odd Jobs Gin-chan"?
[06:36] Kid
    I mean, your name's Shimura Shinpachi, right?
[06:39] Kid
    So what's with the Gin-chan?
[06:42] Shin
    He's gone now.
[06:46] Shin
    But...
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[06:48] Shin
    Without him, there wouldn't be an Odd Jobs...
[06:52] Shin
    Or today's Edo, probably.
[06:54] Shin
    And me.
[06:57] Shin
    So I want to make sure
    people don't forget him.
[07:02] Kid
    Wait, are you talking about the hero?
[07:06] Shin
    Nah, that's not his style.
[07:09] Kid
    My dad said the bakufu brass
    are trying to hog the glory,
[07:14] Kid
    but they're all fakes.
[07:16] Kid
    And that he was the one who protected us.
SIGN    Perofessional
SIGN    The Way of the Samurai
SIGN    The Last Samurai
[07:23] Nar
    Everyone thought that
    species had gone extinct.
[07:29] G
    If it weren't for him,
    the universe might've died out, right?
[07:33] G
    It was amazing.
[07:35] G
    One word from him was enough to get
    both allies and enemies on the same page.
[07:39] G
    This is what you call him
    on your planet, right?
[07:41] G
    The samurai "Man Against Dying All Out,"
[07:45] G
    or MADAO for short?
SIGN    Hasegawa Taizo
[07:48] Nar
    The camera takes a close look at the life
    of the last samurai, who saved Earth.
[07:53] Nar
    An army of millions attacked,
SIGN    Reenactment by the man himself
[07:56] Nar
    but he held them off all on his own.
[07:59] Nar
    That strength.
SIGN    Strength
[08:00] Nar
    Surrounded by enemies on all sides...
[08:02] Mad
    O-Ow! They're actually hitting me, Director!
[08:05] Nar
    But with one word, he won them over.
[08:07] Nar
    That charisma.
SIGN    Charisma
[08:10] Nar
    A massive piece of despair came flying
    toward us, but he took it on by himself.
[08:14] Nar
    That courage.
SIGN    Courage
[08:15] Mad
    Pull it up a bit higher!
SIGN    This is too heavy!
[08:17] Nar
    As we analyze his abilities,
[08:20] Nar
    we also take apart his shades.
[08:22] Mad
    Hey! What are you doing?!
[08:24] Mad
    "Hero"? "The Last Samurai"?
[08:27] Mad
    Honestly, none of them feel right.
[08:30] Mad
    I'm all of them and none
    of them at the same time.
[08:33] Mad
    I can be dyed in any color you want.
SIGN    Unemployment
[08:36] Mad
    That's unemployment.
SIGN    The Way of the Samurai  Special
SIGN    Airing Soon
[08:37] Nar
    Perofessional: The Way of the
    Samurai Special, airing soon!
[08:42] Shin
    Sis, I'm home.
[08:45] Tae
    Oh, welcome back, Shin-chan.
[08:47] Tae
    I was just thinking it was time
    to kill the TV and get dinner.
[08:51] Shin
    Uh, that's how Frieza-sama kills things.
[08:55] Shin
    Let him have his fun.
[08:57] Shin
    Hasegawa-san did his best, too.
[08:59] Tae
    Shin-chan... We all worked
    together to protect Edo.
[09:04] Tae
    I can't and won't stand for
    anyone belittling our efforts.
[09:08] Tae
    Besides, I wanna sock him
    because he pisses me off.
[09:11] Shin
    What happened to our efforts?!
[09:13] Tae
    If I'm being subtle, I hate old men who
    dress like EXLE and don't act their age.
[09:21] Tae
    But I do like High & Low.
[09:22] Shin
    That was so unsubtle, the rising sun's
    shining through that thin veil!
[09:26] Tae
    Also, I've heard that he goes around
    partying for free, calling himself the hero.
[09:33] Shin
    Where'd you get that information, Sis?
[09:36] Shin
    Didn't you quit that lifestyle?
[09:39] Tae
    These two years didn't
    just give birth to heroes.
[09:42] Tae
    Where there is light,
    there is always a shadow.
[09:48] Shin
    Where'd those Zarbon-san and
    Dodoria-san cabaret girls come from?!
[09:51] Tae
    Carry out Plan Omega.
[09:53] Tae
    Bring judgment down
    upon the corrupted hero.
[09:57] Bo
    Whee!
[09:57] Shin
    Whee, my ass! What's with that
    hellish group of cabaret girls?!
[10:01] Kon
    Good grief.
[10:03] Kon
    I see the Queen of the Kabuki
    District is still alive and well.
[10:08] Shin
    Kondo-san.
[10:09] Kon
    Sorry I'm late. The hotpot is finally done.
[10:14] Shin
    Sorry to always make you do this.
[10:17] Kon
    Nah, it's fine.
[10:19] Kon
    I am going to be a stay-at-home
    dad soon, after all.
[10:22] Kon
    Besides, Otae-san needs a balanced
    and nutritious diet right now.
[10:27] Kon
    Worrying about the others is fine,
[10:30] Kon
    but you also need to think
    about your new path.
[10:35] Tae
    I-I know.
[10:37] Shin
    Hasegawa-san was a shocker,
    but you weren't far behind.
SIGN    Resignation
SIGN    Special Police 
    Shinsengumi
[10:42] Kon
    I'd be lying if I said it was an easy decision.
[10:45] Kon
    But both roles, Shinsengumi and father,
    require you to stake your life on them.
[10:51] Kon
    I've lived my life for the sword so far,
[10:53] Kon
    and I want to live for family from now on.
[10:57] Shin
    Is that so?
[10:59] Shin
    Sorry, but I'm feeling a little sleepy.
[11:02] Shin
    You two eat without me.
[11:05] Kon
    Shinpachi-kun?
[11:07] Shin
    Everyone's walking down a new path in life.
[11:11] Shin
    But I alone...
SIGN    Snack Otose
[11:16] Oto
    Man, who would've thought those two
    would have a shotgun wedding?
[11:21] Oto
    We senior citizens don't even get
    any extra wrinkles at this point,
[11:25] Oto
    but the passage of time is terrifying.
[11:27] Cat
    What are you saying, Otose-san?
[11:30] Cat
    You do have extra wrinkles
    at the corners of your eyes.
[11:33] Cat
    That's hilarious!
[11:34] Shin
    Um, Catherine-san, did your face
    get run over by a time machine?
[11:38] Cat
    The passage of time isn't
    what's causing all this.
[11:42] Cat
    It's the final episode.
[11:45] Cat
    Lately, as the final episode draws near,
[11:48] Cat
    characters have suddenly
    started forming couples,
SIGN    Final Episode: Final Fantasy Phenomenon
    (Mating)
[11:51] Cat
    in what's called the Final Fantasy Phenomenon.
[11:54] Oto
    What the hell?
[11:55] Oto
    Will we be paired off with some randos, too?!
[12:00] Cat
    I'm so scared, I can't sleep!
[12:02] Shin
    Hey! Someone bring me a Delorean!
[12:04] Gen
    Shut up, you hags!
[12:06] Gen
    Instead of final fantasying with you two,
[12:09] Gen
    men would much rather dragon quest alone!
SIGN    Dragon Quest
    Appeasing the Pants Dragon
[12:11] Shin
    That's what DQ meant?!
[12:13] Cat
    Don't talk to us! What if that
    sets a flag, you geezer?!
[12:17] Oto
    But I was sure she was in love
    with Gintoki, you know.
[12:22] Shin
    Stop that! That's gross!
[12:23] Oto
    I wonder if she final fantasy'd after he
    treated her nicely when she was lonely.
[12:28] Cat
    Those final fantasies are the ones that
    tend to work out best, surprisingly.
[12:33] Oto
    They do say it's final fantasier
    for girls to be loved than love.
[12:37] Shin
    No, they don't!
[12:38] Shin
    You two just want to keep
    saying final fantasy, huh?
[12:41] Oto
    What's wrong with you?
    We're trying to cheer you up here!
[12:43] Oto
    Then show us the wedding photos.
[12:46] Oto
    Show us the photos of the
    gorilla and female gorilla.
[12:49] Oto
    Show the goods!
[12:51] CaT
    Show the goods!
[12:53] Shin
    Here.
[12:57] Oto
    Otae sure has grown in size in the
    short while I haven't seen her.
[13:00] Shin
    That's a gorilla.
[13:02] Cat
    But over here...
[13:03] Shin
    That's a gorilla.
[13:05] Shin
    It was a political marriage.
[13:07] Shin
    He's been cooking for us to get some
    househusband training as part of his stalking.
[13:13] Shin
    And it was surprisingly good.
[13:15] Shin
    She gained tons of weight.
[13:17] Shin
    But she still couldn't stop.
[13:19] Shin
    It was a samurai's mercy.
[13:21] Shin
    Flags and foreshadowing don't matter.
[13:24] Shin
    Neither do species, age gap, gender,
    or whether you recognize them or not.
[13:30] Shin
    That's the Gintama anime's final fantasy.
[13:35] Tam
    I finally found you.
[13:37] Tam
    I've been looking all over.
[13:42] Tam
    Papa!
[13:44] Shin
    It's happening!
[13:46] Shin
    Final fantasy has bared its fangs at me, too!
[13:58] Tam
    Papa!
[14:00] Oto
    Sh-Shinpachi...
[14:02] Cat
    Don't tell me you...
[14:04] Shin
    You've got it all wrong!
[14:05] Shin
    This is a trap that final fantasy's
    trying to stick me in!
[14:08] Cat
    Don't play dumb!
    You're the one who stuck it in!
[14:11] Shin
    T-To begin with, isn't it weird that I'd
    have a kid this old in just two years?
[14:16] Tam
    Weird?
[14:17] Tam
    Am I weird, Papa?
[14:19] Tam
    Is that why you can't be my papa?
[14:23] Shin
    Uh, th-that's not it!
[14:25] Cat
    You're the worst!
[14:26] Shin
    Again, you're wrong!
[14:27] Cat
    Give us proof, then! Prove your innocence!
[14:31] Shin
    Uh, well...
[14:35] Shin
    I'm a virgin.
[14:38] Shin
    I gradually changed my hair part so
    people wouldn't notice my new look,
[14:43] Shin
    but my lower half is still drinking Ramune
    at a candy store with a crew cut.
[14:47] Oto
    Yeah, we knew.
[14:48] Shin
    Then why'd you make me say it?!
[14:49] Cat
    It pissed us off that you're side-parting
    your hair as a cherry boy.
[14:52] Shin
    Fine! I'll get a crew cut up here too, then!
[14:55] Tam
    Mama! This guy's a cherry!
[14:58] Shin
    Hey! Even a child knows my dirty secret now!
[15:01] Tam
    Hey, Mama. What's a cherry?
[15:04] Kin
    A cherry is one who's abandoned
    their duty to propagate.
[15:10] Kin
    A piece of junk, in other words.
[15:11] Kin
    Add that to your data.
[15:14] Kin
    And as I keep telling you,
    this isn't your Mama.
[15:17] Kin
    She's you. Add that, too.
[15:20] Tam
    Understood.
[15:22] Shin
    Tama-san... Kin-san...
[15:24] Gen
    Oh, there you are.
[15:27] Gen
    The Fuyo Number Zero's mini
    version, AKA Tamako.
[15:30] Gen
    She contains a part of Tama,
    which I copied into her.
[15:34] Gen
    Everything she sees while Tama's in sleep
    mode will become Tama's memories.
[15:39] Shin
    So Tama-san's been that way since then?
[15:42] Gen
    Yeah.
[15:43] Gen
    I mean, she's a special model built by the
    robotics science genius, Hayashi Ryuzan.
[15:48] Gen
    I can't tell just which screws
    she's missing or what.
[15:52] Gen
    But I just don't have the
    heart to leave her like this.
[15:57] Shin
    Gengai-san...
[15:58] Gen
    We're still better off than most, you know.
[16:02] Gen
    After all, Edo still has Odd Jobs
    to help in times of need.
[16:10] Shin
    I still ended up having to walk around*
    looking like a real father.
[16:15] Shin
    Anyway, what does Gengai-san want from me?
[16:17] Tam
    To show me all sorts of things while Fuyo
    Number Zero is asleep, Papa-sama.
[16:23] Shin
    Don't call me Papa-sama.
[16:25] Tam
    I apologize for earlier.
[16:27] Tam
    That was a plan to leech
    free oil from you people
[16:31] Tam
    upon Kintoki-sama's suggestion, Cherry-sama.
[16:34] Shin
    Could you not call me Cherry?!
[16:36] Tam
    But he also said that you would
    definitely take on this request.
[16:41] (Flashback) Kin
    After all, the Odd Jobs is a group of perverts
    who always keep one loli around.
[16:46] Shin
    What the hell does he see Odd Jobs as?!
[16:49] Tam
    But despite bashing you people, everyone
    sounds somewhat lonely doing it...
[16:55] Tam
    I heard you disbanded. What was the reason?
[16:59] Shin
    Add this to your data:
[17:00] Shin
    One does not ask questions like that to
    someone they've met for the first time.
[17:04] Tam
    Then what are the chances of
    Odd Jobs making a comeback?
[17:07] Shin
    Were you listening to me?
[17:10] Shin
    None, probably.
[17:12] Tam
    Why is that?
[17:14] Shin
    Because they found other
    things they needed to do.
[17:17] Tam
    Did you stay back in Edo because
    you didn't have anything like that?
[17:25] (Flashback) Gin
    Shinpachi,
[17:27] (Flashback) Gin
    is there anything you want to do?
[17:32] Shin
    I had something.
[17:33] Shin
    Helping rebuild the town,
[17:36] Shin
    swordsmanship training,
[17:37] Shin
    Otsu-chan fanclub activities,
[17:40] Shin
    and...
[17:42] (Flashback) Shin
    Bring back Father's dojo!
[17:44] (Flashback) Gin
    Wow, you've got a bunch.
[17:47] (Flashback) Shin
    Yes, so I'll be fine.
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[17:52] (Flashback) Shin
    You can go.
[18:11] (Flashback) Gin
    Later.
[18:19] Shin
    I had lots of things
    I needed and wanted to do,
[18:26] Shin
    so why am I stuck doing this?
[18:33] Cop
    You there.
[18:34] Cop
    Do you have a moment?
[18:37] Cop
    Are you two siblings?
[18:39] Shin
    Well, no, we're kinda like friends.
[18:42] Cop
    Hmm...
[18:43] Cop
    Could you breathe into this, please?
[18:45] Shin
    Huh? I haven't been drinking, though.
[18:50] Cop
    Ah, you're over the legal limit.
[18:53] Cop
    See it?
[18:54] Cop
    When the reading goes past this point,
[18:57] Cop
    you're a virgin.
[18:58] Shin
    What are you even checking?!
[19:00] Cop
    Put under arrest at 1:20 PM
    for illegal loli possession.
[19:03] Shin
    Wait! You've gotta be kidding me!
[19:06] Shin
    Somebody help!
[19:08] Nob
    Hold it.
[19:13] Nob
    Do you realize who that is?
[19:17] Cops
    C-Commissioner-General!
[19:19] Shin
    Commissioner?
[19:21] Nob
    He's one of the heroes
    who saved this country.
[19:24] Nob
    Not someone you rookies can punish.
[19:32] Nob
    You can either commit seppuku
[19:34] Nob
    or get cut to pieces by the
    Commissioner-General of Police, Imai Nobume.
[19:38] Nob
    Make your choice, lolicon trash.
[19:43] Soyo
    While we've entered a new age,
    Edo is still beholden to old conventions.
[19:49] Soyo
    I want to make the coming era one where
    women can be independent and shine.
[19:56] Soyo
    And by becoming the first
    female Commissioner-General,
[20:00] Soyo
    Nobume-san is laying the foundation for that.
[20:04] Soyo
    What do you think, Shinpachi-san?
[20:05] Soyo
    The new government's police force
    seems trustworthy, does it not?
[20:08] Shin
    Princess Soyo, may I say something?
[20:11] Shin
    I really want to call 911 right now.
[20:16] Soyo
    Um, I don't understand what you're saying.
[20:19] Shin
    Isn't it obvious, you natural-born sadist?!
[20:22] Nob
    Tamako gave me the gist of the story.
[20:24] Nob
    As a token of apology,
[20:25] Nob
    I've hired Odd Jobs to clean the windows.
[20:28] Shin
    This disaster's supposed to be an apology?!
[20:30] Shin
    And all that aside, Nobume-san,
[20:31] Shin
    I thought you weren't the kind
    of person who'd cling to power!
[20:34] Nob
    I have no interest in power,
[20:36] Nob
    but I can't leave the princess alone.
[20:39] Shin
    But look at you, enjoying that power!
[20:42] Nob
    While Utsuro's plan was foiled,
[20:44] Nob
    the bakufu's old, wily foxes are still around.
[20:48] Nob
    One misstep, and this country
    will start crumbling down again.
[20:51] Nob
    The princess really needs a sneaky,
    twisted advisor right now.
[20:57] Nob
    I'll deal with this uncomfortable
    chair for a while.
[21:01] Soyo
    Thank you, Nobume-san.
[21:04] Shin
    Uh, what happened to the Shinsengumi?
[21:08] Shin
    Weren't they the ones on track
    to climb the ladder first?
[21:11] Mat
    True.
[21:13] Mat
    Their swords did carve open
    a path to this new era.
[21:16] Mat
    But swords that are too sharp
[21:19] Mat
    are always scorned in times of peace.
[21:22] Shin
    Lord Matsudaira!
[21:26] Shin
    What is this?
[21:27] Mat
    A summary of the new government's
    orders for the Shinsengumi.
SIGN    Hijikata Toshiro
[21:33] Shin
    Hijikata Toshiro...
[21:35] Shin
    Demoted?!
SIGN    Saito Shimaru
[21:36] Shin
    Saito Shimaru...
[21:38] Shin
    Resigned?!
SIGN    Okita Sogo
[21:40] Shin
    Okita Sogo...
[21:42] Shin
    Seppuku?!
[21:44] Mat
    It's ironic.
[21:47] Mat
    The Shinsengumi was cast aside by the
    terrifying man chosen by this new age.
SIGN    Live Assembly Broadcast
SIGN    Live Assembly Broadcast
[21:54] Mat
    He suddenly showed up in the political world,
SIGN    Introductory Speech by the Prime Minister
[21:56] Mat
    gained immense power in the blink of an eye,
[21:59] Mat
    and went on to change politics itself!
[22:04] Speaker
    It's time for the opening comments by the
    first prime minister, Donald Zuramp-kun.
[22:09] Kat
    I'm not Zuramp!
[22:11] Kat
    I'm Katsura!
[22:14] Shin
    Oh, this country's doomed.
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
[23:49] Gin
    I don't remember anything
    like that ever being here.
SIGN    Specter
SIGN    Zuramp was appointed the first-ever prime minister!!
SIGN    Among serious concern for the country's future,
SIGN    Gintoki, who has left Edo,
SIGN    arrives at a certain place...