E35 - Love Doesn’t Require a Manual (Continued) / You Can't Judge a Person by His Appearance, Either
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN [Eromesu's House]
[00:01] Gintoki (Mono)
In the previous episode, Shinpachi saved a cat-eared girl from a drunk on the train.
[00:06] ---
And so, this and that happened and he's been invited to the girl's house
[00:09] ---
which is an incredibly suspicious-looking place.
[00:13] Gintoki (Mono)
Is this all right?
[00:14] Otae (Mono)
What exactly is "this and that"? Explain it in more detail.
[00:18] Otae (Mono)
And include why we're following him.
[00:21] Gintoki (Mono)
Umm... And so, that was probably how the story went.
[00:24] Otae (Mono)
I've never heard such an irresponsible recap.
[00:27] Gintoki (Mono)
And so, I feel kind of sluggish now.
[00:29] Otae (Mono)
Don't say you're sluggish.
[00:32] Kagura (Mono)
Big Sis. It's impossible for someone apathetic like him. I'll do it.
[00:36] Kagura (Mono)
And so, the cake was delicious.
[00:39] Gintoki (Mono)
You're talking about yourself.
[00:41] Otae (Mono)
You two think you can tack on "and so" onto anything, don't you?
[00:45] Kagura (Mono)
And so, it was definitely delicious.
[00:47] Otae (Mono)
Fine. I'll do it.
[00:51] Otae (Mono)
The land of the samurai. The time when our country was called that is long gone.
[00:56] Gintoki (Mono)
Hey, that's too far back!! How many episodes are we going to recap?!
[00:59] Otae (Mono)
And so, we explain things in order.
[01:01] Gintoki (Mono)
And so, you keep quiet.
[01:04] Otae (Mono)
And so, no, you keep quiet.
[01:07] Kagura (Mono)
And so, anyway, we're going to the opening credits.
SIGN [While on a date with Eromesu, for some reason, this happens at her house.]
SIGN [I don't care about the show being cancelled! Shinpachi will become a real man.]
SIGN ["Love Doesn't Require a Manual (Continued)"]
[01:34] Matsudaira
What is this?
[01:36] Okita
Your wife said that she didn't need a molester for a husband.
[01:39] Hijikata
She said that you're probably too scared to slice your gut open,
[01:42] Hijikata
so you should just blow your head off with this.
[01:45] Matsudaira
That woman doesn't understand anything.
[01:47] Matsudaira
I'm such a coward that I jump at the slightest noise.
[01:52] Matsudaira
I don't have the guts to molest anyone.
[01:55] Okita
That's pathetic, Pops.
[01:57] Okita
Rather than shamelessly living in disgrace, you should die with honor like a samurai.
[02:02] Matsudaira
Guys like you always commit suicide with charcoal fires whenever something happens.
[02:06] ---
It's not that impressive to be alive.
[02:09] ---
It's really impressive if you can embarrass yourself, suck it up and still live.
[02:16] Hijikata
Why did you shoot him?
[02:18] Okita
I couldn't bear to see Pops like that anymore.
[02:23] Okita
Hijikata-san...
[02:25] Okita
Why...are people always so...
[02:29] Hijikata
Huh?
[02:30] Okita
Why did you shoot him?
[02:32] Hijikata
Why did you edit it to make it look as if I did?!
[02:34] Hijikata
Why are you sweating?! That's really pissing me off!!
[02:36] Okita
Everyone, come here! Hijikata-san has gone mad.
[02:41] Okita
I don't know what to do anymore! I just don't know!
[02:43] Hijikata
No, no! It's not like that!! It wasn't me!! Cut that out!
[02:45] Okita
He's going to kill me!
[02:48] Matsudaira
I can't find my pocketbook anywhere.
[02:52] Matsudaira
Ever since the day of that molestation incident,
[02:54] Matsudaira
my police pocketbook and my wallet completely disappeared. What do you think?
[02:58] Gintoki (Mono)
And so, this and that happened, so we're following him. Is that fine?
[03:03] Otae (Mono)
Anyway, some other scene already came in. And so, that doesn't matter anymore.
[03:07] Kagura (Mono)
And so.
[03:08] Gintoki
Hey!! What do you mean it doesn't matter?
[03:11] Gintoki
You're the one who told me to do it properly! I did my best!!
[03:15] Gintoki
Huh?
[03:19] Shinpachi
Huh? Eromesu-chan?
[03:23] Shinpachi
Where did she go?
[03:26] Shinpachi
What is this card?
[03:30] Okita
What is this card?!
[03:32] Matsudaira
It's not funny!! Because of her, I was made out to be a molester!!
[03:39] Matsudaira
I was drinking at a bar by myself, when a woman approached me.
[03:43] Matsudaira
She was a good listener and she even listened to me about my daughter.
[03:47] Matsudaira
Oh, well, that doesn't matter. But anyway, I talked with her for a while.
[03:50] Matsudaira
We got along really well.
[03:53] ---
She told me that she knew a good place,
[03:55] ---
so I followed her and when we got on the train, she suddenly started making a fuss.
[03:57] Eromesu
Stop!
[03:59] Eromesu
Someone! Somebody, help me!
[04:03] Matsudaira
When I realized what had happened...
[04:04] Matsudaira
I'd become a molester. My police pocketbook and wallet
[04:07] Matsudaira
had disappeared, and in their place was this card.
[04:10] Eromesu
I've taken your heart and your wallet.
[04:13] ---
Cat's Ear, the Phantom Thief.
SIGN [Note: Cat's Ear is a parody of the manga/anime series Cat's Eye]
[04:15] Matsudaira
I really fell for it. And at my age, too. But let me say this.
[04:20] Matsudaira
She didn't steal my heart.
[04:22] Matsudaira
My heart had already been stolen by my wife thirty years ago.
[04:33] Gintoki
Wait...
[04:34] Gintoki
You bastard!!
[04:37] Gintoki
Wait...
[04:38] Gintoki
I say!!
[04:45] Eromesu
Who are you? Are you that boy's family?!
[04:49] ---
His older brother?
[04:50] ---
What are you doing bringing your stupid face here?
[04:52] Eromesu
Did you follow us because you were worried about him?
[04:54] Eromesu
You don't need to worry. I haven't done anything.
[04:58] Eromesu
Your little brother's chastity is safe.
[05:00] Eromesu
All I want is love.
[05:03] Eromesu
Yes, I am Cat's Ear. The phantom thief who steals love.
[05:09] Eromesu
Love is the most beautiful thing in the world.
[05:12] Eromesu
But you cannot see love... Therefore...
[05:16] Eromesu
As proof I have stolen someone's love, I borrow their wallet.
[05:21] Gintoki
Shinpachi's wallet? What nonsense are you talking about?
[05:26] Gintoki
You're just saying you're a thief.
[05:29] Eromesu
Your younger brother was great.
[05:32] Eromesu
I'm surprised that such a pure boy exists in these times.
[05:34] Eromesu
He completely fell for it.
[05:36] Eromesu
He even wore those cat ears I gave to him just for fun. It was hilarious.
[05:42] Eromesu
It made my heart beat like I was in love for the first time again.
[05:46] Eromesu
This is why I can't stop doing this.
[05:48] Gintoki
Hey. Have you stopped using your cute-girl act? I sorta liked it.
[05:54] Eromesu
Men are really stupid, aren't they?
[05:56] Eromesu
They can only judge things by what they see on the outside.
[06:00] Eromesu
Oh! I revealed my true feelings. How silly of me.
[06:03] ---
Tee-hee!
[06:04] Otae
Stop with the cutesy, cutesy, cutesy, cutesy.
SIGN [Otae says "buriburiburiburi," which roughly translates to "cutesy, cutesy, cutesy, cutesy." "Buriburi" is also the sound of someone defecating.]
[06:07] Otae
Are you taking a crap or something?!
[06:09] Kagura
Well, are you?!
[06:15] Otae
Women who can say "tee-hee" with a straight face are thoroughly unscrupulous.
[06:19] Kagura
Tee-hee!
[06:21] Gintoki
Oh, it's true.
[06:35] Kagura
Shinpachi!!
[06:36] Shinpachi
Everyone, stop!!
[06:41] Shinpachi
They say that the losers in love are the ones who fall in love.
[06:44] Shinpachi
That's enough. I don't hate you. In fact, I'm grateful to you.
[06:52] Shinpachi
It was short, but...
[06:54] Shinpachi
I really had a fun time. It felt as if I had a girlfriend...
[07:00] Shinpachi
So...let me say one thing.
[07:05] Shinpachi
I'm just kidding, stupid!!
[07:11] Kagura
You were so cool!
[07:30] Shinpachi (Mono)
Love, be it tragic or whatever, helps people mature.
[07:41] Shinpachi (Mono)
I've become stronger since then.
[07:43] Shinpachi (Mono)
My heart is no longer swayed by little things. I can stay strong-willed.
[07:48] Shinpachi (Mono)
People's attractiveness doesn't come from superficial things like acting cute, or cat ears.
[07:54] Shinpachi (Mono)
Rather, it comes...
[07:56] Shinpachi (Mono)
From deep within their hearts.
[08:00] Shinpachi
Hey! Shut up! Be quiet! You're bothering the other passengers!
[08:04] Sergeant
But President! Take a look at this! Otsu-chan's new single!!
[08:09] Sergeant
She's gone for the cat-eared look on the jacket!!
[08:13] Shinpachi
Tha...
[08:15] Shinpachi
That's so cute!!
SIGN
[09:49] Kondo
Pops, is it true that he's on the move?
[09:52] Kondo
You picked us up, so we're prepared to do anything for you!
SIGN The next episode: "You Can't Judge a Person by His Appearance, Either."
SIGN Right after these messages!!
SIGN [Right after these messages!!]
SIGN [The previous story went overtime... So this episode is airing 13 minutes late.]
SIGN [Kuriko and Shichibee on a date. What happens to this couple?!]
SIGN ["You Can't Judge a Person by His Appearance, Either"]
[11:46] Matsudaira
I called you all here for one reason.
[11:49] Matsudaira
He's finally decided to make a move.
[11:52] Kondo
Pops, are you sure about that?
[11:55] Matsudaira
There's no mistake.
[11:56] ---
We have a spy planted in his vicinity.
[11:59] ---
The guy discovered the plant, but...
[12:02] ---
He finally couldn't take it anymore and has made a move.
[12:05] Matsudaira
I don't want to be a step behind anymore.
[12:08] Matsudaira
If our superiors have complaints about it, I'm prepared to slit my belly.
[12:14] Matsudaira
This is a battle to the death. I'm going to crush him and his plans.
[12:19] Kondo
All right, Pops. If you're that committed...then so are we.
[12:26] Matsudaira
I'm counting on you.
[12:33] Kondo
Toshi... Sogo... There's just one thing I want to check with you two.
[12:38] Hijikata
What is it?
[12:40] Kondo
Who is "he"?
[12:42] Hijikata
You don't know?!
SIGN [Oedo Amusement Park]
[12:52] Shichibee
Oh, Kuriko.
[12:55] Shichibee
Sorry, sorry I'm late. Did I keep you waiting?
[12:59] Kuriko
No. I just got here, too. I didn't wait at all.
[13:05] Shichibee
Oh, I see. Great. Well, the train was late...
[13:09] Matsudaira
That bastard, who is he kidding?
[13:12] Matsudaira
Kuriko waited over an hour for you.
[13:16] Matsudaira
That's one hour of my daughter's time. I took great care to raise her...
[13:19] Matsudaira
You're going to pay for that with your remaining life.
[13:23] Matsudaira
Hey, Toshi! Get over here and let me lean on you!
[13:26] Hijikata
Hold on!! You mean this is the guy we're after?! Your daughter's boyfriend?
[13:29] Matsudaira
He's not her boyfriend! I'll never acknowledge a frivolous man like him!
[13:33] Hijikata
Shut up! I don't acknowledge you as police chief!
[13:37] Okita
Hijikata-san, I'll never acknowledge you as vice-chief of the Shinsengumi!!
[13:41] Hijikata
You shut up!!
[13:43] Hijikata
This is ridiculous! I took off work to come here.
[13:47] Hijikata
And you're asking us to interrupt your daughter's date?
[13:49] ---
I can't do this. I'm leaving!
[13:51] Matsudaira
Hey, wait! I never asked you to break up her date.
[13:55] Matsudaira
I just want you to kill that guy.
[13:59] Hijikata
That's even worse!
[14:00] Matsudaira
Do you think a jewelry-wearing joker like that is going to make Kuriko happy?
[14:04] Matsudaira
No, I want to acknowledge the guy that my daughter falls in love with.
[14:08] ---
I thought about it... I thought long and hard...
[14:10] ---
And I came to the conclusion that I have no choice, but to kill him.
[14:12] Hijikata
That's thinking too much!!
[14:15] Hijikata
Kondo-san, talk some sense into this doting parent.
[14:18] Kondo
Who are you calling Kondo?
[14:21] ---
Call me, assassin Gorilla 13.
SIGN [Gorilla 13 is a parody of the manga series Golgo 13.]
[14:23] Hijikata
What are you doing?
[14:27] ---
Why the 13?
[14:29] Kondo
It's a symbol of my persistence. This year, I've been dumped by Otae thirteen times.
[14:34] Kondo
Hey, Pops, I'll help, too. She needs a strong, silent type like me!
[14:40] Matsudaira
Kondo...
[14:42] Kondo
I've known Kuriko since she was a little girl... She's like a sister to me.
[14:45] Kondo
I can't give her away to a loser like that!
[14:46] Kondo
Let's do it, Pops!!
[14:48] Matsudaira
Okay!
[14:49] Hijikata
H-Hey!!
[14:50] Hijikata
This is bad. I'd be willing to bet that they'll really do it.
[14:53] Hijikata
Sogo, we've got to stop them.
[14:55] Okita
Who're you calling Sogo?
[14:57] Okita
I'm the assassin Sogo 13.
[15:00] Hijikata
Hey!!
[15:01] Okita
This looks like fun.
[15:09] Shichibee
And so I told him...
SIGN [Merry-go-round]
[15:29] Matsudaira
Clever bastard... He picked his spot well!
[15:31] Kondo
I can't take aim... I'm feeling kind of sick...
[15:36] Matsudaira
Hey, Kondo, how long until we catch up to him?
[15:40] Matsudaira
We aren't getting any closer.
[15:42] Hijikata
Oh, for god's sake, you're on a merry-go-round!!
[15:44] Hijikata
You're just going to keep going around and around forever, moron!
[15:48] Matsudaira
I've never been to an amusement park, so I didn't know that.
[15:52] Matsudaira
I've been to adult amusement parks, though...
[15:55] Hijikata
Don't be rash. In short, you want to break them up, right?
[15:59] Hijikata
There are lots of better ways to do that.
[16:01] ---
What? You want to join us? You want to join the assassin alliance?
[16:06] Hijikata
I just came to make sure you don't do anything crazy!!
[16:10] Hijikata
Unlike you, I don't feel like denying this man's worth as a human being just by the way he looks.
[16:16] Kondo
He looks like a bad man no matter how you look at him.
[16:18] ---
He's full of holes. Aren't people born with enough holes already? Why make more?
[16:25] Hijikata
I don't think body-piercing is a capital offense.
[16:27] Okita
Girls that age always go for the slightly badly behaved kabuki-mono...
SIGN [Note: Kabuki-mono were jobless samurai who formed gangs. Known for their flamboyant clothes and violent behavior, they are believed to be the forerunners of the modern yakuza.]
[16:33] Okita
They mature after they get burned a bit.
[16:36] Hijikata
Sogo, how old are you?
[16:38] Matsudaira
Hey, I look dangerous, but girls never liked me. What's with that?
[16:45] Hijikata
Well, good or bad, love and romance is nothing but an illusion.
[16:50] Hijikata
Your daughter has false illusions about that man.
[16:55] Hijikata
But if he breaks, then she should wake up from her dream.
[16:57] Hijikata
Luckily, this is the perfect place for that.
[17:03] Kuriko
Shichibee-sama, I want to ride that, like totally.
[17:07] Shichibee
Hey, are you serious? I can't go on rides like that.
[17:11] Kuriko
Are you afraid?
[17:13] Shichibee
Not afraid, but they make me feel sick.
[17:17] Kuriko
You really are afraid, aren't you?
[17:19] Shichibee
I'm not. Go ride it by yourself.
[17:22] Kuriko
No! I want to ride with you, like totally!
[17:27] Kuriko
Wow...
[17:29] Shichibee
Well, I'll be watching from here.
SIGN [Note: Holstein is a type of cow.]
[17:31] Okita
Quit bubbling and get on the damn ride, you Holstein bastard!
[17:36] Okita
Make a fuss, and I'll give you a new piercing.
[17:40] Kuriko
Shichibee-sama?
[17:41] Shichibee
Well... Umm... I guess I will ride with you.
[17:45] Kuriko
Really, like totally?!
[17:54] Matsudaira
Hey, you sure this will work?
[17:57] Hijikata
Absolutely.
[17:59] Hijikata
Sogo is a super sadist who pressures and teases people as a hobby.
[18:04] Okita
Crap...
[18:07] Okita
Crap your pants.
[18:08] Okita
If she doesn't smell poop by the time this coaster returns to the dock, I'll kill you.
[18:13] Kuriko
Shichibee-sama?
[18:15] Kuriko
What's wrong? You don't look well.
[18:19] Kuriko
Let's get off, if you, like totally, don't like it.
[18:21] Okita
I'll kill you if you get off!!
[18:23] Shichibee
Shut up!! I told you I'm going to ride it!!
[18:26] Kuriko
Shichibee-sa...
[18:31] Matsudaira
Whoa! This is tougher than I'd expected...
[18:34] Hijikata
How's it looking up there?
[18:37] Hijikata
What?!
[18:39] Hijikata
What are you doing?!
[18:40] Okita
I forgot to fasten my seat belt. I forgot to fasten my seat belt.
[18:45] Matsudaira
Hey, what's wrong with him? He's acting completely different.
[18:48] Matsudaira
He's getting all panicky.
[18:49] Okita
Sure, I'm a sadist... but only because I'm so insecure inside!
[18:54] Okita
H-H-H-Help me, Hijikata!! Damn it!
[18:57] Hijikata
You idiot!
[19:04] Kuriko
Ah... I was so scared...
[19:06] Kuriko
Are you all right, Shichibee-sa...
[19:10] Kuriko
Shichibee-sama... How come you're sitting so high in your seat?
[19:18] Shichibee
This is bad. You'll probably be disgusted... But, I kind of crapped my pants.
[19:28] Hijikata (Mono)
Sorry, Shichibee. I don't have anything against you.
[19:33] Kuriko
Thank goodness!!
[19:35] Kuriko
Actually, I, like totally, did too.
[19:38] Kuriko
I feel a lot less embarrassed knowing I'm like totally not the only one.
[19:44] Shichibee
Really? Amazing!! We're a pair! It's a miracle!
[19:47] Kuriko
We really are, like totally, connected by something.
[19:51] Shichibee
What? Are we connected by our intestines?
[19:55] Kuriko
Honestly...
[19:58] Matsudaira
Hey!! What's the meaning of this? They've gotten even closer!!
[20:01] Hijikata
What the hell is wrong with your daughter?
[20:03] Hijikata
What girl craps her pants? How are you raising her?
[20:08] Hijikata
Oh no. They're going to the next attraction!
[20:10] Matsudaira
What?! While in that state?!
[20:12] Hijikata
Hey, Kondo-san. Hurry up!
[20:15] Hijikata
Kondo-san.
[20:16] Hijikata (Mono)
Huh? Why's he sitting so high in his seat?
[20:20] Kondo
Toshi, like totally, don't tell anyone about this.
[20:29] Matsudaira
I can't believe this. How could she still want to be with him after that?!
[20:32] Matsudaira
My daughter is terrifying...
[20:35] Hijikata
She really is terrifying.
[20:36] Matsudaira
I'll kill you if you tell anyone about this.
[20:40] Hijikata
Pops, don't worry. Your daughter hasn't crapped her pants.
[20:44] ---
Look.
[20:46] Hijikata
That guy changed his clothes, but your daughter is wearing the same clothes.
[20:49] Matsudaira
She's not walking around with it in her ass?
[20:52] Hijikata
Of course not! Don't you find your daughter adorable?
[20:55] Hijikata
Your daughter lied so he wouldn't feel bad.
[21:00] Matsudaira
What?
[21:01] Kondo
Toshi, are you saying that...
[21:03] Kondo
Kuriko-chan isn't disgusted at all by him taking a crap...
[21:06] ---
You were disgusted when I took a crap,
[21:09] ---
but Kuriko-chan accepts even the worst elements of his character.
[21:13] ---
Is that it?
[21:14] Okita
Kondo-san, I'm disgusted, too...
[21:17] Hijikata
Yeah...
[21:19] ---
She really loves that man...
[21:22] Okita
Pops, look at that!
[21:25] Okita
Oh no. They're headed to the Ferris wheel.
[21:27] Okita
There's no mistake. They're planning on kissing.
[21:30] Matsudaira
How do you know?!
[21:31] Okita
If it's the Ferris wheel, they're going to kiss. It was created for kissing.
[21:35] Kondo
K-Kiss?!
[21:36] Kondo
Really? My god... I never realized!
[21:38] ---
Kuriko-chan is in danger!
[21:39] Kondo
Let's go!!
[21:40] Okita
Okay!
[21:47] Woman
Hijikata-han. Hijikata-han.
SIGN [Note: In Kyoto, people use "han" instead of "san."]
[21:50] Woman
Hijikata-han, you're so handsome and cool. You must be popular.
[21:54] Hijikata
Not really.
[21:56] Woman
No, that's not true.
[21:59] Woman
Hijikata-han, Hijikata-han. Huh? What are you eating?
SIGN [Note: Ochazuke is rice with tea poured on it.]
[22:07] Hijikata
It's the Ochazuke Hijikata Special. Want some?
[22:17] Hijikata
I thought love was an illusion...
[22:26] Shichibee
Kuriko, you really are amazing.
[22:29] Shichibee
Most people would be disgusted if their boyfriend crapped his pants.
[22:32] Shichibee
I thought it was all over.
[22:36] Kuriko
I wouldn't, like totally, hate you for that.
[22:40] Kuriko
Besides, you weren't disgusted when I crapped my pants, too.
[22:45] Shichibee
What? That's because, well...
[22:48] Kuriko
Well, what?
[22:51] Shichibee
Well... That's because I...lo...
[22:57] Kuriko
L?
[22:58] Shichibee
Lo...
[23:00] Kuriko
Lo...?
[23:05] Shichibee
Wh-What's that?!
[23:07] Kondo
Assassin Samurai 13.
[23:10] Okita
We're taking your life!
[23:12] Shichibee
Huh?! That's so ridiculous...
[23:14] Kuriko
Somebody, help-
[23:18] Shichibee
What's that?!
[23:21] Kondo
Toshi?!
[23:23] Hijikata
Toshi? Who's that?
[23:27] Hijikata
I'm the warrior of love, Mayo 13!!
[23:30] Hijikata
All who stand in the way of love...will perish!
[23:43] Shichibee
Mayo 13?!
[23:45] Kuriko
He's so cool...
[23:48] Hijikata
Never let anyone come between you two.
[23:52] Hijikata
Farewell...
[23:54] Kuriko
Umm, I'll, like totally, dump poopy pants.
[23:58] Kuriko
Would you, like totally, go out with me?!
[24:08] Hijikata (Mono)
I hate love...
[24:21] Gintoki
The next episode: "People with Dark Pasts Can't Shut Up."
[24:25] Tomu
Dream...Catcher!!
SIGN
SIGN [Tomu is the founder of the Dream Faith and is rapidly increasing his followers by making their dreams come true.]
SIGN [Hanako has come to Edo with dreams of becoming a dancer, but she is tricked by the Dream Faith.]