E347 - Machines That Pick Up Useless Habits Are Called People

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Silver Soul
SIGN    Watch the Silver Soul Arc in a bright room
    and at a safe distance from your TV!!
[01:58] Gen
    Why are you dying without a word?
[02:01] Gen
    At least cough up a complaint
    or two before you go.
[02:09] Gen
    You pieces of junk normally
    never listen to me,
[02:13] Gen
    so why now, of all times,
[02:15] Gen
    do you look like fine machinery
[02:19] Gen
    as you silently break down?
[02:24] Gen
    "Machines exist to serve people"?
[02:28] Gen
    You're certainly right.
[02:31] Gen
    But if you guys didn't want to,
[02:35] Gen
    I wouldn't have minded one bit.
[02:42] Gen
    Even if you didn't serve any purpose,
    even if you were useless pieces of junk...
[02:48] Gen
    As long you guys, my friends, were beside me,
[02:54] Gen
    I was fully prepared to die with you!
[03:01] Gen
    And yet...
[03:04] Gen
    I'm sorry.
[03:09] Gen
    I'm so sorry.
[03:12] Gen
    I'm so, so sorry!
[03:17] Kin
    That man poured his heart and soul,
    his whole life, into machines,
[03:23] Kin
    and now he has to throw them
    all away to stop the war?
[03:26] Kin
    He's been forced to make a choice
    far more painful than death.
[03:31] Kin
    But we still can't turn tail.
[03:36] Kin
    Because we're machines
    built by Hiraga Gengai!
[03:44] Kin
    Have you said your goodbyes,
[03:48] Kin
    Tama-san?
[03:55] Tama
    No. There's no need for that.
[04:01] Tama
    Whatever may be destroyed or stolen,
[04:06] Tama
    they will surely take it all back.
[04:09] Tama
    We will meet again one day, for sure.
[04:14] Tama
    So I will not say goodbye to anyone.
[04:22] Kin
    That so?
[04:25] Kin
    Think it's possible?
[04:27] Kin
    Can they do it?
[04:31] Tama
    Of course. I'm sure they can.
[04:35] Tama
    After all, they're the people who
    took the dullest piece of gold
[04:39] Tama
    and polished it enough for
    it to save half the world.
[04:46] Kin
    They spared my life once, anyway.
[04:52] Kin
    So I'll leave it in their hands...
[04:55] Kin
    This life!
[04:57] Tama
    And the world!
[04:59] Bo
    Listen up, humanity!
[05:04] Bo
    We leave the rest to you!
[05:58] Tama
    I don't need to say goodbye.
[06:02] Tama
    If there's one thing I can say, it's this:
[06:09] Tama
    Before, I never hesitated to
    perform my duties as a machine.
[06:16] Tama
    I was just another screw.
[06:21] Tama
    But to those who filled me
    with so much pointless data,
[06:31] Tama
    to those who
[06:34] Tama
    turned me into this oil-drenched screw...
[06:40] Tama
    Thank you for being my friends.
[06:47] Gin
    Tama!
[07:00] Shin
    On that day, the machines chose to
    quit being functioning machinery
[07:07] Shin
    and became completely
    useless friends of ours.
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
SIGN    Machines That Pick Up Useless Habits Are Called People
[07:20] G
    We've totally lost contact with Earth!
[07:23] G
    No word on the well-being
    of the squads in action!
[07:24] G
    Even the battleships on standby in
    the main formation are being affected!
[07:31] En
    What is going on?
[07:34] Sak
    Too bad.
[07:37] Sak
    They wanted you ta have the best seats
    to see the fireworks, Shogun-sama,
[07:41] Sak
    but it seems they were all wet and soggy.
[07:44] Sak
    We're tired of standin' around.
[07:46] Sak
    Could you send us back ta
    where our friends are?
[07:52] En
    Wait.
[07:53] Nb
    No need. I can tell what happened
    without having to see it.
[07:57] Nb
    I believe I told you
[08:00] Nb
    that we will not lose!
[08:05] G
    Whoa. They sank all of the
    Liberation Army's battleships!
[08:11] Tae
    Tama-san...
[08:13] Cat
    Otose-san, you don't think they...
[08:19] Oto
    They'll come back, no matter what.
[08:25] Gen
    You got into a huge fight with
    machines from all over the universe.
[08:30] Gen
    Get a little rest for now.
[08:34] Gen
    But know that I'll repair you and
    work you to the bone again...
[08:39] Gen
    No matter what.
[08:43] Gen
    It's a promise.
[08:45] Gen
    So let us...
[08:49] Oto
    Let humanity take care of the rest.
[08:54] Oto
    This place is your home...
[09:00] Bo
    And we swear to protect it!
[09:07] Kon
    Even firearms have been neutralized
    because of their inner machinery.
[09:11] Kon
    That old man and his robots did it.
[09:14] Kon
    They really saved half the world!
[09:18] Zen
    Man, this sucks.
[09:20] Zen
    I'd finally prepared myself
    for the worst here.
[09:23] Zen
    Don't be getting my hopes up again.
[09:26] Zen
    Technology and weapons?
[09:28] Zen
    Are those the only areas
    we were overwhelmed in?
[09:34] Zen
    Did you forget about numbers?
[09:39] Dak
    The battle is only getting started.
[09:41] Dak
    Damn earthlings had a pretty
    amusing trick up their sleeve.
[09:45] Dak
    But we still have weapons right here...
[09:49] Dak
    We Dakini, feared as tanks of destruction.
[09:54] G
    Sotatsu-sama...
[09:56] Sot
    We'll have him carry the load.
[09:59] Sot
    I have no interest in
    revenge, freedom, or glory.
[10:03] Sot
    But we will take all the spoils.
[10:07] Kag
    Are those guys going to head
    toward the Kabuki District?
[10:11] Shin
    If such a huge army marches in there...
[10:14] Gin
    They knew that all along.
[10:18] Hij
    The geezer and the others used the Kabuki
    District as bait knowing this would happen.
[10:23] Zen
    The most important thing in war
    is predicting the enemy's moves.
[10:28] Kon
    Right now, it's obvious where they
    will go and what they're after.
[10:35] Kon
    Right now, we might be
    able to cause a miracle.
[10:38] Kon
    Edo's biggest hoodlum district
    has given Edo one last hope.
[10:47] Oto
    Close the gates!
SIGN    Kabuki District First
SIGN    Earth Defense Town
SIGN    Kabuki District First
[11:00] Tae
    All right.
[11:01] Tae
    This is mankind's final stronghold.
[11:05] Tae
    Until our friends across Edo come here,
[11:07] Tae
    we must hold out no matter what.
[11:13] Cat
    We don't have any means of communication.
[11:16] Cat
    Will anyone really come for us?
[11:18] Tae
    They will.
[11:20] Tae
    We don't need to communicate.
    They already know.
[11:32] Dak
    Charge!
[11:39] Tae
    They know how much
[11:42] Tae
    we all love this town.
[11:57] Dak
    Charge!
[12:06] Zen
    The enemy's target is the cannon.
[12:09] Zen
    They think destroying it will fix
[12:12] Zen
    their broken machines and
    reestablish contact with their rear.
[12:16] Zen
    They have huge numbers,
    but that's also their weakness.
[12:20] Zen
    If we poke at them from multiple
    sides and make then panic,
[12:22] Zen
    they'll soon lose their footing
    and go out of control.
[12:26] Zen
    That said, be careful.
[12:27] Zen
    Don't go in too deep. Keep your distance.
[12:31] Sac
    We know.
[12:32] Sac
    Kabuki District's residents risked
    it all to give us this ray of hope.
[12:36] Sac
    We won't let it be in vain!
[12:40] G
    Vice Chief!
[12:40] G
    We're ready!
[12:43] Hij
    Think we can do this?
[12:44] G
    If we set up that many, it should work.
[12:47] Hij
    Listen up.
[12:48] Hij
    Consider this battle lost if
    they reach the Kabuki District.
[12:52] Hij
    We'll strike at the center of their
    long formation and split them up.
[12:55] Kon
    After that, how many do
    we each have to cut down?
[12:59] Hij
    Let's see...
[13:01] Hij
    If you cut down two hundred
    each, I'll give you a bonus.
[13:04] G
    Two hundred?
[13:05] Oki
    Then if I cut down a thousand,
    the position of vice chief is mine?
[13:12] Hij
    I'll consider it.
[13:13] G
    Wow, the vice chief finally
    gave his blessing!
[13:15] G
    If Captain Okita becomes vice chief,
    the world will end anyway.
[13:20] Ymz
    You can say that again.
[13:22] Ymz
    But if it's going to end either way,
    that way sounds like it'd be more fun.
[13:26] Kon
    Yeah, I feel the same way.
[13:30] Kon
    At this point, whether the world ends or not,
[13:33] Kon
    it's not the Shinsengumi if
    we're not protecting Edo.
[13:36] Kon
    And whether the world ends or not,
[13:38] Kon
    it's not Odd Jobs if they're not
    raising hell in the Kabuki District.
[13:42] Kon
    Your resting place will find its own
    way to you at the end of your life.
[13:48] Kon
    Go live your life,
[13:51] Kon
    Odd Jobs.
[14:06] Kon
    Let's go!
[14:22] Mut
    How'd Earth look?
[14:24] Sak
    They're doin' well ta hold out.
    You could call it a miracle.
[14:29] Sak
    But given the difference in
    numbers, that won't last long.
[14:32] Sak
    Unless we stop this war while
    they're still hangin' in there,
[14:37] Sak
    there won't be any more miracles.
[14:40] Shi
    Do you have any ideas?
[14:43] Shi
    Actually, even if you did, it's too late now.
[14:48] Shi
    I've done a horrible thing to you earthlings.
[14:51] Shi
    Even though I agreed to
    a ceasefire with you,
[14:54] Shi
    I couldn't stop that man.
[14:59] Nb
    Admiral Shijaku? You're imprisoned, too?
[15:03] Shi
    The Liberation Army's flame of revenge
    has grown too large to stamp out.
[15:08] Shi
    It won't stop until it burns
    everything in its path.
[15:10] Sak
    If we can't stamp it out,
    we just gotta direct it elsewhere.
[15:14] Sak
    There's someone else we both must fight.
[15:19] Shi
    If you mean the Tendoshu, they're already...
[15:21] Sak
    Nah, there's still one.
[15:23] Sak
    And if we keep fightin' like this,
    not only will you not get your revenge,
[15:28] Sak
    you'll be helpin' him reach
    his goal of destroyin' Earth.
[15:32] Shi
    What do you people know?
[15:36] Sak
    Let's see...
[15:38] Sak
    We know that you're the only trustworthy
    man in the Liberation Army, at least.
[15:45] Sak
    Shijaku, if you truly care
    about the Liberation Army,
[15:49] Sak
    if you truly wish to give the
    universe its freedom back,
[15:52] Sak
    then help us.
[15:54] Sak
    It's not too late.
[15:58] Shi
    That's not the kind of
    line you say in a prison.
[16:01] Shi
    You people are now completely isolated
    from the rest of the universe—
[16:06] Sak
    You realized, huh?
[16:08] Sak
    We were prepared for everythin'
    once we were summoned here.
[16:13] Sak
    And we've already laid the groundwork.
[16:19] Shi
    Another squad?
[16:21] Shi
    You predicted that things could go south
    and split your squad into two beforehand?
[16:25] Sak
    A stealth ship, our Kaientai's pride and joy!
[16:29] Sak
    It must be approachin' this HQ by now.
[16:32] Sak
    Once I give the word,
    they'll come chargin' aboard.
[16:35] Sak
    It's time ta make our comeback, Zura.
[16:37] Kat
    I'm not Zura. I'm Inmate Number 3692.
[16:41] Sak
    Oh, sorry. Wrong number.
[16:44] Mut
    What happened?
[16:45] Sak
    Radioed the wrong person.
[16:47] Sak
    That wasn't Zura. It was 3692.
[16:50] Kat
    I'm not 3692. I'm Katsura.
[16:54] Sak
    Wait, you're imprisoned, too?
[16:56] Sak
    Wait a second! Where the hell are you?
[17:00] Sak
    Didn't I tell you to take care of
    things if anything happened ta us?
[17:03] Kat
    Relax. We're another squad.
[17:05] Kat
    We were caught for a reason
    totally unrelated to yours.
[17:08] Sak
    That's how you differentiate yourselves?
[17:09] Kat
    The thing is, after we split up from you,
[17:11] Kat
    something unexpected happened
    while we were standing by.
[17:14] (Flashback) Kat
    Men, prepare to charge in at any time.
[17:18] (Flashback) G
    Whoa!
[17:19] (Flashback) G
    What's the matter?
[17:20] (Flashback) G
    Well, an enemy ship just
    passed right in front of us.
[17:24] (Flashback) Kat
    Fret not. They cannot see us.
[17:28] (Flashback) Kat
    This is a stealth ship, after all.
[17:29] (Flashback) G
    A-Are you sure they can't see us?
[17:32] (Flashback) G
    I feel like they've been
    circling us for a while.
[17:34] (Flashback) Kat
    You're overthinking it.
[17:36] (Flashback) G
    But Katsura-san, have you ever actually
    seen a stealth ship's exterior?
[17:40] (Flashback) G
    What do we look like from the outside?
[17:43] (Flashback) G
    And what is "stealth," anyway?
[17:45] (Flashback) Kat
    Stealth, well...
[17:49] (Flashback) Kat
    It must be see-through, or something.
[17:52] (Flashback) Kat
    Wait!
[17:53] (Flashback) Kat
    Even if the ship is see-through, we aren't!
[17:56] (Flashback) Kat
    Which means...
[17:59] (Flashback) Kat
    We're totally visible!
SIGN    You're wrong, Katsura-san. This ship and all of us on it  can't be seen from the outside.
[18:04] (Flashback) Kat
    O-Oh, okay. So everything is
    see-through, including us?
[18:08] (Flashback) Kat
    Wait!
[18:09] (Flashback) Kat
    Even if we are see-through,
    what we take in from the outside
[18:12] (Flashback) Kat
    and all of its residue...
[18:16] (Flashback) Kat
    It's totally visible!
SIGN    You're wrong, Katsura-san. Stealth here refers to technology  that conceals an object using  camouflage which adapts to  the surrounding scenery.
[18:22] (Flashback) Kat
    Oh, is that how it is? I see.
[18:24] (Flashback) Kat
    So even if our insides are visible,
[18:27] (Flashback) Kat
    this technology will make the ship
    adapt to that and hide us all.
[18:30] (Flashback) Kat
    It's totally visible after all!
[18:34] (Flashback) Kat
    Damn you, Sakamoto!
[18:35] (Flashback) Kat
    How dare you make us ride
    this piece of junk?!
SIGN    Forget it.
[18:38] (Flashback) Kat
    Men, hurry up and camouflage yourselves!
[18:41] (Flashback) Kat
    Turn off the lights!
[18:42] (Flashback) Kat
    Hide your presence!
[18:43] (Flashback) Kat
    Become one with space!
[18:45] (Flashback) Kat
    You are nothing! Blend in with
    the space all around you!
[18:48] (Flashback) Kat
    You are a part of space, and space itself!
[18:54] (Flashback) G
    Uh, Katsura-san?
[18:56] (Flashback) G
    We can't see anything.
[19:02] Kat
    So yeah, we rammed into some ship
    thanks to your piece of junk.
[19:07] Sak
    You mean thanks to the junk you call a brain!
[19:09] Kat
    Before we knew it, we'd been surrounded
    and captured by some strange group.
[19:14] Sak
    Not the Liberation Army?
[19:16] Kat
    Yeah, not them.
[19:17] Kat
    They're a weird bunch with something
    indecent-looking growing from their foreheads.
[19:22] Kat
    You know what they said to us?
[19:24] Kat
    "We didn't capture you.
    We took you into our care."
[19:30] Kat
    This ship exists to safeguard the
    species of Earth from its demise...
[19:34] Hata
    Noah's Ark.
[19:36] Jii
    Truly.
[19:37] Hata
    Good job gathering all of these, Gramps.
[19:40] Jii
    Thank you.
[19:41] Jii
    We took advantage of the chaos of war and
    went around cattle mutilating everything.
[19:45] Jii
    That planet is doomed to destruction.
    Anyone who would complain is going to die, too.
[19:50] Hata
    Yes. If anything, they should be thanking me.
[19:53] Hata
    I'm saving these animals from extinction
    and even making them my pets.
SIGN    Mongrel
[19:58] Hata
    But couldn't you take a more uniform
    sample? This is really lopsided.
SIGN    Matsudaira Dog
SIGN    Watanabe Dog
[20:02] Jii
    Dogs are a truly diverse species.
SIGN    Shimura Dog
[20:06] Hata
    Oh, really?
[20:09] Hata
    And this one's dead!
SIGN    Underdog
[20:12] Jii
    That's a loser underdog.
[20:15] Jii
    Believe it or not, it's actually alive.
[20:18] Hata
    Is that true?!
[20:19] Jii
    It can't protect its loved
    ones or die with them.
[20:23] Jii
    It's a creature that goes through
    life simply withering away.
[20:26] Hata
    I see. Such a pitiful creature.
[20:30] Hata
    But don't worry. I won't let you die.
[20:33] Hata
    Even if you suffer so much you want to die,
[20:36] Hata
    I won't let you die.
[20:37] Hata
    You're my dear pet.
[20:39] Hata
    Anyway, I heard you captured a new species?
[20:43] Jii
    Oh, it's over there.
SIGN    Joi Rebill
[20:45] Jii
    It seems our men picked them up
    after our ship ran them over.
[20:50] Hata
    Joi Rebill?
[20:52] Hata
    Like a type of billed duck?
[20:54] Hata
    Hey, are you cleaning the cage?
[20:57] Hata
    All I can see is dung!
    The thing's nowhere to be found!
[20:59] Jii
    Ah, the old zoo cliché.
[21:01] Jii
    A cage where you can't see
    the animal, wait as you may,
[21:03] Jii
    and can only see its poop all over.
[21:05] Hata
    Look, forget about the cliché.
    Where's the Joi Rebill?
[21:08] Jii
    That's a zoo cliché, too.
[21:09] Jii
    You think it's poop, but it was
    actually a coiled-up Joi Rebill.
[21:12] Hata
    That's a Joi Rebill? Joi Rebills coil up?!
[21:19] Jii
    P-Prince!
[21:21] Kat
    You'd best be careful.
[21:22] Kat
    Joi Rebills adapt to their surroundings
    and hide their presence.
[21:27] Kat
    Do you know what that's called?
[21:31] Kat
    Stealth.
[21:32] G
    Unhand the prince!
[21:34] Kat
    An ark to safeguard the species?
[21:37] Kat
    Don't be such cheapskates.
[21:41] Kat
    Why not build an ark big enough
    to save the entire planet?
[21:49] Hata
    No, wait... Don't...
[21:53] ---
    I'm... I'm gonna... I'm gonna... I'm gonna...
[22:04] Hata
    I puked...
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Preview
[23:39] King
    I don't have long left.
[23:41] King
    So I must resolve this problem before I go.
[23:46] G
    That's what you call a king.
[23:49] E
    My name is Dragonia.
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
SIGN    Men Must Live Not Long
    or Thick, but Hard
SIGN    Huh? Wait a second.
SIGN    What kind of story is starting up here?
SIGN    What about the gang in space? Who the hell is Dragonia?
SIGN    If that's what you're thinking, look forward to next week!