E336 - The Strongest Sword, and the Dullest Sword

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:05] Kus
    We excaliburlings do our work by being
    used as bloodsucking biological weapons.
[00:11] Kus
    But Maganagi is worse.
[00:14] Kus
    His staple food is swords, meaning...
[00:17] Kus
    He's a cannibal.
[00:19] Hij
    My bad feeling was on the mark.
[00:21] Hij
    That man wasn't Senbe the Manslayer.
[00:23] Hij
    It was his sword!
[00:26] Gin
    Looks like the one sword
    we really wanted to avoid
[00:29] Gin
    showed up in the hands of the
    one guy who shouldn't wield it.
[00:35] Mag
    Nothing vanished.
[00:37] Mag
    They're right here in my belly.
[00:42] Mag
    Both your sword
[00:44] Mag
    and this man.
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Slip Arc
SIGN    The Strongest Sword, and the Dullest Sword
[02:29] Shin
    I-Is that...
[02:31] Kon
    S-Sogo?
[02:35] Hij
    That's not him anymore.
[02:37] Kon
    T-Toshi!
[02:39] Hij
    Damn, we were too late.
[02:41] Gin
    Hey, Kusanagi, could it be?
SIGN    Watch the Slip Arc in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV!
[02:47] Mag
    I'm amazed you had the gall to treat me,
    Cursed Sword Maganagi, as you did.
[02:53] Mag
    Nobody has ever mocked me so much.
    No vessel has been such a pain to take over.
[02:59] Mag
    You were the first, Master.
[03:02] Mag
    But your superhuman body and mind,
    rare anywhere in the universe,
[03:08] Mag
    already belong to me, Maganagi.
[03:12] Mag
    The strongest sword and the
    strongest vessel are now one.
[03:15] Mag
    At last, I have attained strength
    unparalleled across the universe.
[03:20] Kus
    He got consumed! That bro
    got consumed by Maganagi!
[03:25] Hij
    Capture him!
[03:28] Mag
    Wow, what do you think you're
    doing to one of your comrades?
[03:32] Kon
    H-Hey, Toshi!
[03:34] Hij
    Just trust me for now.
    That's not Sogo anymore.
[03:38] Hij
    Your stupid game is over.
[03:40] Hij
    We know what you really are.
    Throw that sword away.
[03:45] Mag
    What are you saying? I'm in the
    middle of a real-sword fight here.
[03:50] Mag
    If I threw my sword away,
    I'd get sliced in half.
[03:54] Hij
    And if you won't do it,
    I'll just cut you down myself.
[03:58] Mag
    Can you do it?
[04:00] Mag
    Can you guys cut me down?
[04:02] Mag
    Because I can cut anything.
[04:08] Kon
    O-Our swords!
[04:11] Mag
    I'm sick of eating dull swords.
[04:15] Kon
    Sogo!
[04:18] Gin
    Hey, you're going after the wrong guy.
[04:21] Gin
    I'm your opponent.
[04:26] Hij
    Hey! You're the one who
    went after the wrong guy!
[04:29] Hij
    Why'd you throw poop at my face?
[04:32] Gin
    I didn't. It got sucked in to your face like
    it was going home to where it belonged.
[04:36] Hij
    Whose face are you calling a toilet?!
[04:38] Hij
    I'm gonna kill him for sure.
[04:40] Hij
    Wait, Toshi.
[04:41] Tet
    Gin-san...
[04:42] Gin
    Stay away.
[04:43] Gin
    This is a real-sword fight.
    Keep your noses out of it.
[04:47] Tet
    Gin-san, this is no time for that.
[04:49] Shin
    She's right. Even if you want
    to fight, your sword's gone.
[04:52] Gin
    But I have a sword right here.
[04:54] Gin
    The best sword and wielder in the universe?
[04:57] Gin
    What's so scary about that?
    All they can do is cut.
[05:02] Gin
    We're the dullest sword and the man with
    the most constipated ass in the universe.
[05:08] Gin
    Not even you can cut us down.
[05:10] Shin
    All we've got is negatives!
[05:12] Kus
    G-Gintoki-han!
[05:14] Gin
    Maganagi...
[05:15] Gin
    No matter how much you corner them,
[05:18] Gin
    you can't sever the bond between Kusanagi
    and Scabberina, between husband and wife.
[05:23] Sca
    So-kun!
[05:25] Sca
    What's wrong, So-kun?!
[05:27] Shin
    It's already severed, though!
    She's not worried about us at all!
[05:31] Gin
    Even if you lose your memories, the
    vow between husband and wife...
[05:36] Gin
    The depraved memories of the 
    they exchanged thousands of times
[05:39] Gin
    will never vanish from their bodies!
[05:41] Shin*
    In the end, they're only
    linked by dirty things!
[05:44] Mag
    Fool. If you fight at such close range,
[05:48] Mag
    you'll be forced to step deep
    into your enemy's reach.
[05:51] Mag
    And once I'm awakened, any sword within
    my reach is rendered dull and useless!
[05:56] Kus
    No! Don't touch him!
[05:58] Kus
    If you touch him right now,
    I'll be cannibalized!
[06:01] Kus
    Gintoki-han!
[06:05] Gin
    Don't touch the sword? Are you stupid?
[06:08] Gin
    That's obvious in a real-sword fight.
[06:11] Kon
    No way. He's seeing through
    all of Sogo's moves.
[06:15] Gin
    You probably don't get it since
    you change bodies all the time.
[06:19] Gin
    But for us, it's all over if
    we get cut by a sword once.
[06:21] Gin
    We won't get anything done
    if we hesitate, though.
[06:24] Gin
    When it comes to real-sword fights,
[06:26] Gin
    only those crazy enough to walk into mortal
    danger bare-handed are cut out for it.
[06:32] Gin
    Right, Okita-kun?
[06:33] Gin
    Actually, you're not him.
[06:35] Gin
    His moves aren't this easy to read.
[06:39] Gin
    What did you even take over his body for?
[06:43] Mag
    You little!
[06:46] Gin
    I don't know or care how many
    blades you've eaten in your life.
[06:50] Gin
    But I know that I've beaten
    many more than that!
[07:00] Kus
    C-Crap... Gintoki-han, I can't go on.
[07:04] Kus
    Th-The Viagra's effects r-ran out.
[07:08] Gin
    Huh? Wait a second!
[07:11] Gin
    You can't pull that now! And I don't
    remember giving you any Viagra!
[07:15] Kus
    Shaddup! I told ya my speed's all I got!
[07:20] Kus
    This is all yer fault for
    draggin' out the foreplay!
[07:23] Gin
    My foreplay doesn't take too long,
    you broken bastard!
[07:25] Gin
    Get it up already! This is way
    worse than just being dull!
[07:28] Gin
    You're basically a soggy Curl snack now!
[07:30] Kag
    Don't worry, Gin-chan! The cheese
    flavor is good even when soggy!
[07:34] Gin
    You keep your mouth shut!
[07:37] Mag
    You let the chance of a lifetime slip.
[07:40] Mag
    Thanks for your helpful advice!
[07:47] Gin
    His moves are getting sharper!
[07:49] Mag
    Did you think I can only
    control the body, the vessel?
[07:54] Mag
    My belly is filled with the experience
    and tactics of everyone I've eaten.
[08:00] Mag
    By the time I get used to this body,
[08:03] Mag
    I'll bring out more power
    than it originally had.
[08:06] Mag
    You know why?
[08:07] Mag
    Because I've eaten and beaten more
    blades than you could ever hope to!
[08:15] Gin
    Guess he's not called a
    cursed sword for nothing.
[08:18] Shin
    Th-This is bad.
[08:19] Shin
    He has to avoid contact with the blade.
    And Kusanagi-san's all limp, to boot!
[08:22] Gin
    I've gotta do something, or I'll lose here.
[08:26] Shin
    Gin-san!
[08:30] Sca
    That's enough! Stop it, you two!
[08:33] Kus
    S-Scabberina.
[08:35] Mag
    Oh?
[08:36] Sca
    Stop fighting over me.
[08:40] Sca
    I can't bear to watch So-kun
    getting hurt anymore!
[08:44] Kus
    Wh-What're ya sayin', Scabberina?
[08:47] Kus
    Th-That ain't your sword or So-kun.
[08:51] Kus
    That's Cursed Sword Maganagi,
    the one who put us through hell!
[08:55] Sca
    Shut it, geezer! I don't give
    a flying rat's ass about you!
[08:59] Sca
    All I care about is So-kun's safety.
[09:02] Kus
    S-Scabberina...
[09:04] Kus
    Did ya forget about not
    just me, but Maganagi, too?
[09:09] Sca
    I beg you, So-kun. Please stop...
[09:16] Kus
    Scabberina!
[09:17] Kus
    Maganagi, you bastard!
[09:20] Mag
    Kusanagi, it seems your blade isn't
    the only thing that's gone dull.
[09:26] Mag
    That girl hasn't forgotten a thing.
[09:30] Mag
    She hasn't forgotten
    anything about you or me.
[09:34] Mag
    She just never knew.
[09:36] Kus
    She never knew? What do ya mean?
[09:39] Mag
    Haven't you figured it out yet?
[09:41] Mag
    That scabbard isn't yours or mine.
[09:46] Mag
    It's your daughter, Scarlett.
[09:50] Kus
    Say what?
[09:52] Tet
    What does he mean, daughter?
    How do they give birth?
[09:54] Mag
    I don't blame you for mistaking her.
[09:56] Mag
    Scarlett does look exactly
    like a younger version of her.
[10:01] Mag
    Scabberina was already pregnant with
    your daughter when you were separated.
[10:08] Mag
    And she raised her all by herself,
[10:10] Mag
    believing that you three would
    live as a family again one day.
[10:16] Mag
    But she was a single mother.
[10:18] Mag
    It wasn't easy for a scabbard
    without a sword to protect her child.
[10:22] Mag
    So she chose to survive by housing
    all kinds of other swords,
[10:28] Mag
    even if it meant betraying her husband.
[10:33] Mag
    But by then, she was already
    drained and exhausted.
[10:38] Kus
    Wh-Why? Why do ya know all this?!
[10:42] Mag
    Isn't that obvious? It's because I
    saved her from the hell she was in.
[10:47] Mag
    In the place of a dullard
    who never came to help her,
[10:51] Mag
    I freed Scabberina from her suffering.
[10:55] Kus
    D-Don't tell me, ya...
[10:58] Mag
    The reason I'm here right now
    is to keep my promise to her.
[11:05] (Flashback) Sca
    I don't care what happens to me.
[11:07] (Flashback) Sca
    But please help those two meet.
[11:10] (Flashback) Sca
    Even just one look will do. Let him
    see his daughter alive and well.
[11:18] (Flashback) Sen
    One look? Do I seem that heartless to you?
[11:25] Mag
    I'll bring your entire family together.
[11:28] Mag
    All three of you can meet in my belly.
[11:32] Kus
    Maganagi, you...
[11:37] Gin
    K-Kusanagi!
[11:39] Gin
    Don't tell me, back then?
[11:41] Gin
    Didn't I tell you? From the moment you
    tricked me, your fates were sealed.
[11:47] Kus
    W-Wait, Maganagi!
[11:49] Mag
    Fret not. I'll send your
    daughter after you at once.
[11:54] Mag
    Resent your own dull blade if you must.
[11:57] Mag
    Curse your foolishness for
    daring to defy me, Maganagi.
[12:02] Kus
    Don't!
[12:03] Kus
    Stop it, Maganagi!
[12:17] Kus
    Stop it, Maganagi!
[12:20] Kus
    Leave her alone!
[12:22] Kus
    Leave our... Leave our daughter alone!
[12:29] Shin
    Kusanagi-san!
[12:35] Mag
    This is the end...
[12:39] Mag
    I can't move?
[12:41] Oki
    Hold up. You're jumping the gun.
[12:47] Oki
    It's too early to go back into the scabbard.
[12:50] Mag
    Y-You...
[12:52] Kon
    S-Sogo?
[12:54] Mag
    How are you still here? I consumed your mind!
[13:00] Mag
    Th-The scabbard's... This can't be.
[13:05] Mag
    I, Maganagi, cannot control this man?
[13:10] Oki
    The duel isn't over yet.
[13:14] Oki
    They're not done yet.
[13:23] Mag
    What are you...
[13:25] Mag
    What do you plan to do with
    just that rotting, dull blade?
[13:29] Mag
    Kusanagi is already dead.
    Everything is all over.
[13:34] Mag
    The scabbard he was looking
    for is long gone, too.
[13:38] Mag
    You people lost to me, Maganagi.
[13:42] Gin
    Oh, but there's a scabbard right here.
[13:45] Gin
    Can't you see it?
[13:47] Gin
    Can't you see the scabbard that continued
    to protect her sword even when separated?
[13:52] Gin
    Can't you see this great scabbard that
    protected her husband and daughter to the end?
[13:58] Gin
    No matter how many times
    his blade crumbles away,
[14:00] Gin
    his soul doesn't have a single scratch on it.
[14:04] Gin
    With a true masterpiece,
    even if its blade chips away,
[14:09] Gin
    it can be reforged over and over
    as long as its core doesn't break.
[14:12] Gin
    It can be reborn over and over
    as long as it's doused in flames.
[14:15] Gin
    The flame hasn't gone out, Kusanagi.
[14:19] Gin
    My flame of life is still burning bright!
[14:24] Kag
    Gin-chan!
[14:26] Mag
    I-Impossible! He stuck the
    sword into his own butt?
[14:29] Mag
    C-Could that man be...
[14:31] Gin
    I'll let you suck me dry
    one last time, dumbass.
[14:35] Gin
    Drink as much of my boiling
    blood as you want!
[14:39] Mag
    No! He's feeding his own blood to Kusanagi?!
[14:44] Mag
    Is he trying to revive the sword?
[14:47] Mag
    Doesn't that man care about his own life?
[14:52] Oki
    He's such a messed-up samurai.
[14:55] Oki
    Forget protecting himself with a sword.
[14:57] Oki
    He himself became a scabbard
    that protects his sword.
[15:03] Oki
    Interesting.
[15:05] Oki
    Boss really
[15:09] Oki
    is interesting.
[15:11] Kon
    S-Sogo!
[15:12] Mag
    Wh-What are you doing?!
[15:15] Oki
    A duel has to be fair, or it'll be boring.
[15:18] Oki
    You can dig in if you're hungry, too.
[15:21] Oki
    If you can consume me, that is.
[15:28] Mag
    Fine! I'll devour every last bit of you!
[15:40] All
    Gin-san!
[15:41] Bo
    Sogo!
[16:10] Shin
    Gin-san... Okita-san...
[16:15] Kus
    Maganagi, looks like we both found
    ourselves some fine scabbards.
[16:22] Mag
    No doubt.
[16:30] Mag
    Looks like I was the dull one all along...
[16:50] Gin
    You...
[16:51] Oki
    Boss, let's fight with no
    distractions next time.
[16:56] Shin
    Gin-san! Kusanagi-san!
[16:59] Kag
    You did it! You really did it!
[17:02] Shin
    You won! Kusanagi-san won!
[17:05] Kus
    Yeah. It's all thanks to ya guys.
[17:09] Kus
    Thank ya so much for makin' me
    a masterpiece right at the very end.
[17:18] Shin
    K-Kusanagi-san?
[17:20] Shin
    How? Why?
[17:22] Kus
    It's fine. I've been runnin'
    on fumes for a long time.
[17:27] Kus
    I was always prepared for this.
[17:31] Kus
    Scabberina laid down her life
    ta protect our daughter.
[17:34] Kus
    If I didn't do the same,
    how could I face her in heaven?
[17:41] Shin
    Why are you being so negative?
[17:44] Shin
    You finally met your daughter!
[17:46] Shin
    Are you gonna leave her behind
    without introducing yourself?!
[17:54] Kus
    She grew up inta a fine woman.
    She really is just like Scabberina.
[18:01] Kus
    I got ta see that beautiful scabbard
    with my own eyes one more time.
[18:07] Kus
    I'm satisfied with that.
[18:12] Kus
    She shouldn't have ta live with the death
    of a dad who she'd never seen before.
[18:20] Kus
    She shouldn't need ta bear that cross.
[18:24] Kus
    As long as she lives strong
    with a smile on her face,
[18:27] Kus
    that's enough for Scabberina and me.
[18:33] Kus
    So please...
[18:36] Kus
    I beg ya...
[18:42] Kus
    Could ya put me ta rest
    in that lump of ironsand?
[18:48] Kus
    In that excaliburling grave,
    where I'm sure Scabberina's resting, too.
[18:56] Kag
    Kusanagi...
[19:03] Kag
    Gin-chan.
[19:05] Gin
    Even if you don't exchange any words,
[19:08] Gin
    even when you're far apart,
[19:11] Gin
    there are some things you just can't sever.
[19:14] Gin
    Not by such a dull sword, anyway.
[19:17] Gin
    You guys will always be connected.
    And we'll always be connected to you.
[19:24] Kus
    Gintoki-han, thank you.
[19:29] Kus
    I'm truly glad I got ta meet
    scabbards like you in the end.
SIGN    Smithy
[19:54] Sac
    Gee, So-kun, are you really
    gonna buy a new sword for me?
[19:59] Oki
    Maybe 'cause I kept wielding strange swords,
[20:02] Oki
    I don't feel like using a normal one anymore.
[20:05] Oki
    You too, right? An ordinary Kikuichimonji
    can't satisfy you anymore, right?
[20:10] Oki
    You'd prefer one with pearls
    or one that vibrates, right?
[20:14] Sac
    Eek, So-kun, you perv.
[20:17] Tet
    I'm sorry, but we don't
    sell such filthy swords.
[20:21] Oki
    That so?
[20:23] Oki
    And here I thought you picked up some pearls.
[20:27] Oki
    Ever since that day, the four of you
[20:29] Oki
    were stuck to the ground there,
    desperately picking up something.
[20:35] Tet
    It was just gravel.
[20:38] Tet
    But mixed in with that gravel is iron
    that's far more valuable than pearls.
[20:44] Tet
    I'm going to use it all to forge a sword.
[20:48] Oki
    That sounds like a pain.
[20:51] Oki
    Well, let me know when you're done.
[20:54] Tet
    Are you sure?
[20:56] Tet
    I bet it's going to be the
    dullest sword in the universe.
[20:59] Oki
    Yeah. It doesn't have to cut anything.
[21:07] Oki
    Because I'm sure the sword and scabbard
    are never gonna leave each other again.
SIGN    Sneak Peek
SIGN    The Bloody Shinsengumi Records
[21:23] Oki
    Hey, Hijikata.
[21:26] Oki
    Go get me some yakisoba bread.
[21:29] Mit
    So-chan!
[21:31] Mit
    Be polite when speaking to your superiors.
[21:35] Oki
    I'm sorry, Sister.
[21:41] Oki
    Hey, Hijikata.
[21:42] Oki
    Go get me some esteemed yakisoba bread.
[21:45] Mit
    Well done.
[21:49] Hij
    Uh, that wasn't all that different.
SIGN    The End
SIGN    Preview
[23:24] Shin
    Otsu-chan will show up next episode!
[23:26] Shin
    You all remember that I'm the captain
    of the Terakado Otsu fan club, right?
[23:30] Shin
    Right?
SIGN    Wash Your Hands Before a Handshake
[23:31] Shin
    Next time: "Wash Your
    Hands Before a Handshake."
[23:34] Shin
    Wash up well, Takachin!
SIGN    Preview
SIGN    Preview
SIGN    Beginning Soon
SIGN    The Final Arc
[23:43] Gin
    We've got you covered.
[23:44] Gin
    From walking your dog to keeping Earth safe,
[23:47] Gin
    we Odd Jobs will do anything.
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
SIGN    Production is smoothly
SIGN    you-know-what.
SIGN    The final arc was in a situation much like
SIGN    a restaurant that doesn't get any orders.
SIGN    But it's not like we forgot about it.
SIGN    There were just some adult issues at play.