E330 - My Bald Dad, My Light-Haired Dad, and My Dad's Glasses Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) [00:05] Kag     Let me introduce you, 'kay? [00:06] Kag     This is my boyfriend,     Dai-chan from Planet Titan. [00:10] Shin     Huh? [00:11] Shin     Wait, what?! [00:14] Shin     Kagura-chan, what do you mean, Titan?! [00:17] Gin     Hey, what's the meaning of     this? This isn't what you said! [00:21] UB     Kagura-chan, who was the boy     that gave you the letter, then? [00:24] Kag     Oh, he was just a friend who handed     over the letter in Dai-chan's place. [00:29] Kag     Dai-chan's too big to write a letter, [00:32] Kag     and it seems he was too shy     to hand it over himself. [00:34] Shin     Uh... Wait, you actually     had such a huge friend? [00:38] Kag     Yep. Soyo-chan introduced us. [00:41] Shin     The princess? [00:42] Kag     Believe it or not, Dai-chan's     the prince of Planet Titan. [00:45] Kag     But being so big, he had no one to play with     and nowhere he could play, so he was bored. [00:53] Kag     So I played with him, 'kay? [00:55] Kag     And then he got attached to me. [01:03] G     Monsters! [01:04] Gin     I don't know if I'd call this "attached"... [01:07] Bo     It looks more like he brought     an army to conquer Earth! SIGN    Gintama SIGN    Slip Arc SIGN    My Bald Dad, My Light-Haired     Dad, and My Dad's Glasses SIGN    Watch the Slip Arc in a bright room and     at a safe distance from your TV! [02:48] Kag     Awesome, right? I totally got the     jump on the bingo balls of life. [02:51] Gin     You may have hit bingo with royalty... [02:53] Gin     But his balls are way too big! Riding those     would be harder than riding a Gundam! [02:57] Kag     Anyway, don't be so nervous,     'kay? Take a seat, Dai-chan. [03:05] Gin     Huh? Wait, what now? [03:08] Gin     Is this the boy? Is this     really the boyfriend? [03:10] Gin     What's a "boyfriend,"     again? How is it spelled? [03:13] UB     Calm down. He's just a big boyfriend. [03:16] UB     A father whose daughter's boyfriend     thinks he's a pushover is done for. [03:19] UB     Oh, I see. So you're Kagura's boyfriend. [03:23] UB     Thanks for being there for her. [03:25] UB     I'm her father. [03:26] Gin     That's the space-famous Umibozu for you. [03:29] Gin     With no fear of the massive boyfriend,     he showed off how dignified a father can be. [03:38] Gin     F-F... [03:40] Gin     Father! [03:42] Shin     Umibozu-san! [03:44] Shin     He's been turned to mincemeat!     Only one of his blls remains! [03:47] Gin     That's not one of his blls!     It's just his cue ball! [03:49] Dai     Ah, my bad. [03:51] Dai     Damn, I overdid it. [03:53] Dai     I ain't been on Earth long, [03:57] Dai     so I don't really get how to do     greetings or, like, the bowing thing. [04:01] Dai     And, like, I can't stand that     kinda formal crap, anyway. [04:06] Dai     You can ignore the prince thing, so why     don't we keep things frank and casual, Pops? [04:11] Dai     Since you're Kagura's old man,     I already consider you a bro. [04:15] Dai     Oh, could you tell me your email address? [04:17] UB     I see. Then I'll tell you... [04:20] UB     the email address to Hell! [04:26] Gin     Why me?! [04:27] UB     C-Calm down! Grow up! [04:30] UB     You promised to be a grown-up today! [04:31] Gin     You calm down! [04:33] UB     He comes across as incredibly audacious,     but I'm imagining things, right? [04:36] UB     It just seems like he's looking down     on us because he's so huge, right? [04:38] UB     Kids these days are all     like that, right? Right?! [04:41] Gin     We'll never get anywhere if you     get pissed by whatever a kid says. [04:45] Gin     Let me handle this. [04:47] Gin     Y-Yeah, Earth's societal norms     are too complicated, huh? [04:51] Gin     We just wanted to meet     Kagura's friend, is all. [04:55] Gin     Anyway, make yourself at home. Want some tea? [04:57] Dai     Nah, I'm good. I'm chewing gum. [04:59] Gin     Really? We have snacks, too. [05:02] Dai     Seriously, I'm good. Earth     food doesn't suit my taste. [05:05] Gin     Oh, really? [05:06] Gin     Could he be any more blunt?     Is he messing with me? [05:10] Gin     What do you usually eat? [05:11] Gin     Your size must complicate things. [05:15] Dai     Hip hop. [05:16] Gin     What do you mean, you eat hip hop? [05:19] Dai     The only things on Earth that suit     my tastes are hip hop and reggae. [05:24] Dai     They're music of the soul, check it out. [05:28] Kag     Apparently, everyone on     his planet is a b-boy. [05:31] Gin     Uh, you guys are just big boys! [05:33] Dai     Everything else is old-fashioned and lame. [05:36] Gin     Look who's talking! You're     all dressed like cavemen! [05:40] Dai     Honestly, I was shocked I had to     come meet my girlfriend's folks. [05:43] Gin     Huh? Why? [05:44] Dai     What matters is how the couple     feels in their hearts. [05:48] Dai     Parents sticking their nose     into it is totally lame, I say. [05:52] Dai     Earth is pretty behind the times, huh? [05:54] Gin     Really? I can't tell. Are we? [05:58] Gin     Anyway, isn't it normal to be worried about     the kind of friends your daughter has? [06:03] Gin     Right, Kagura? [06:04] Dai     Y'know, I've been meaning to point this out. [06:06] Dai     I'm not her friend. [06:08] Dai     I'm her boyfriend. [06:10] Gin     Oh, sorry. Boyfriend, huh? [06:12] Gin     I hate to say it, but that     word doesn't exist on Earth. [06:15] Gin     Right, Kagura? [06:16] Dai     Hey, can I be straight with you?     Who are you to Kagura? [06:20] Dai     I don't want some rando calling     her "Kagura" like they're close. [06:23] Dai     She's my gal. [06:26] Kag     Dai-chan, I mentioned this before. [06:28] Kag     Gin-chan's my Earth dad. [06:32] Kag     Wait, brother? [06:36] Kag     Oh, I know. He's like crab lice, 'kay? [06:37] Gin     Why did I regress to being crab lice?! [06:40] Dai     Y'know, you're going out with me.     Why are you still living with your ex? [06:44] Dai     I won't stand for half-assing     things like that. [06:47] Dai     Keep messing with my gal,     and I'll make a mess of Earth. [06:51] Dai     FYI, we could wipe out your     Earth if we wanted to. [06:55] Dai     If I say the word, my bros all     over the galaxy will gather here. [06:58] Gin     Bring it! [06:59] Gin     Attack on anytime you want, titans! [07:02] Gin     I'll force a retreat back into space! [07:05] Gin     For your hairline, that is! [07:10] UB     Why my hairline?! [07:12] Gin     Calm down! You're a grown-up! [07:14] Gin     Now we're even! [07:15] UB     Grown-ups don't obsess over getting even! [07:17] Gin     I'm imagining things, right? [07:18] Gin     Some brain-dead boy is saying     he'll wipe out Earth, [07:21] Gin     but only your hair roots     will be wiped out, right? [07:23] Gin     Right? Right?! [07:24] UB     Just calm down, you two. [07:27] UB     Dai-kun, it's not what you think.     These two aren't like that. [07:30] UB     Kagura's only working a live-in job here. [07:33] UB     Honestly, I'm against it too,     but she doesn't listen to me. [07:36] Dai     For real? Who would want to work here? [07:39] Shin     Calm down! [07:40] Dai     But you can rest assured, Pops. [07:43] Dai     I'm gonna finish my work     here and go back home soon. [07:46] Dai     I plan on taking Kagura with me. [07:49] Kag     Hey, what are you talking about? [07:52] Dai     Oh, keep your mouth shut. [07:54] Dai     I don't intend to half-ass     things with Kagura. [07:59] Dai     I'm gonna marry her. [08:04] Shin     Hey! What are you two doing?! [08:07] UB     I'm imagining things, right? [08:08] UB     I think I heard the word "marry" just now,     but I'm just imagining things, right? [08:11] Gin     Yeah, that's right. It's     totally just your imagination. [08:14] Kag     Who said you could talk like that? [08:16] Kag     Marry me? That's news to me. [08:18] Dai     Oh, keep your mouth shut! [08:20] Dai     We're discussing something important here. [08:22] Gin     Uh, I'm not sure I follow. Aren't     you skipping a few too many steps? [08:26] Gin     That stuff comes after     dating and things going well. [08:28] Gin     And you haven't even started dating yet. [08:30] Dai     We don't need to do all that crap. [08:33] Dai     We're soulmates. Our hearts     are totally resonating. [08:38] Gin     Oh, really? [08:40] UB     Now, now. Puppy love makes your     mind go blank and blinds you. [08:46] UB     Most people start finding tons of faults [08:48] UB     and come to hate each other eventually. [08:50] Dai     Nah, that ain't happening with us. [08:52] Dai     I ain't got any faults. [08:54] Dai     And even if Kagura does, I've got     the heart to accept them all. [08:58] UB     Oh, really? [09:00] Gin     Nah, you won't be saying that for long. [09:04] Gin     You'll learn how big a glutton     she is once you live with her. [09:07] Gin     She'll destroy your food budget. [09:08] Gin     Plus she's crude and can't     cook anything but egg-on-rice. [09:11] Gin     She's sure to be a useless housewife     who doesn't do any housework. [09:15] UB     Yeah, yeah. [09:16] UB     Plus she's a 'kay addict     who needs a trip to 'Kay A. [09:19] UB     And your kids will 100%     inherit the bald gene. [09:21] UB     What do you even see in her? [09:22] UB     If I were you, I'd never pick her up     if she was lying on the street. [09:25] UB     I'd take her to the lost and found! [09:27] Kag     Oh, really?! [09:31] Kag     This is perfect, then. [09:33] Kag     You can marry me off and get rid of me. [09:36] Kag     Fine by me, 'kay? I don't like     half-assing things, either. [09:39] Kag     Guess we can date with     an eye toward marriage. [09:42] UB     Wait! [09:43] Gin     That's not it! [09:45] Dai     Well, there you have it. You'll     give us your blessings, right? [09:49] Shin     Now, now. [09:50] Shin     Calm down, all of you. [09:52] Shin     Putting aside the taking Kagura-chan     along thing for now... [09:55] Shin     We'll just take it as a sign that you're     serious about this relationship. [10:00] Shin     That's okay, right? [10:01] Bo     Hell no! [10:04] UB     You're just a rotten virgin with     zero experience! Stay out of this! [10:07] UB     They're not getting engaged     at such a young age! [10:10] Gin     Quit mouthing off about your naïve ideals! [10:12] Gin     Love is just a illusion! [10:14] Gin     True love only begins once that     illusion wears off, you stupid brats! [10:16] Shin     Tell them, not me! [10:19] Bo     We're being grown-ups here     because you told us to grow up! [10:22] Shin     Then say what you're     supposed to as grown-ups! [10:25] Gin     What the hell, man?     What's a grown-up, anyway? [10:27] Gin     I don't know anymore! [10:28] Shin     Meanwhile, those two went off on their date! [10:34] Bo     Ack! [10:39] Kag     Man, dating is a pain. [10:43] Kag     Can't we just stay friends? [10:46] Kag     We're only gonna be sparring     like usual anyway, right? [10:49] Dai     Nah, it was only during the day so far, [10:51] Dai     but now we'll be able to spar at night, too. [10:55] Dai     More than anything, I don't     wanna let anyone else have you. [10:57] Kag     I don't see why I have to be monopolized     by either you or those morons. [11:01] Dai     Are you stupid? You know that ain't it. [11:04] Dai     If you love someone, you     wanna make them yours alone. [11:07] Dai     Ain't it only natural to feel that way? [11:10] Kag     Well, I wouldn't really care     if someone else took you. [11:14] Dai     Y-You just haven't realized that you're     in love yet because you're such a child! [11:18] Kag     Then what? Those morons are saying     they don't wanna give me away. [11:21] Kag     Are they in love with me, too? [11:22] Dai     That's a different kinda love. Like, familial. [11:25] Dai     But we gotta distance ourselves from     that and find our own love someday. [11:30] Kag     I see. But in a way, they love me too, huh? [11:37] Dai     Hey, what are you smirking for? [11:40] Kag     No reason. [11:43] Kag     It's been a long day. I'm exhausted. [11:46] Kag     Let's save the date for another day, 'kay? [11:48] Dai     What? Why?! [11:50] Dai     I said I'm going back home soon, didn't I? [11:53] Kag     We can just have a     long-distance relationship. [11:55] Dai     Hey, wait up! [11:57] Dai     Are you okay with being separated from me? [12:00] Dai     I could cheat on you back     home! You okay with that?! [12:03] Kag     That's pretty much it, Dai-chan. [12:05] Kag     You can find love scattered anywhere. [12:08] Kag     But those scatterbrains... [12:11] Kag     ...I can only find here. [12:15] Kag     See you. [12:16] Kag     Write to me, 'kay? [12:21] Dai     I ain't letting you go, Kagura. [12:24] Dai     I ain't gonna accept a     long-distance relationship. [12:31] Dai     I finally found robust genes that are     worthy of being inherited by titans. [12:39] Dai     I can't let the people on this planet     keep them all to themselves. [12:45] Soyo     What?! [12:46] Soyo     Kagura-chan and Prince Dai?! [12:49] Soyo     I didn't know those two had     that kind of relationship. [12:53] Soyo     He took Kagura-chan from me.     I feel a little burned. [12:58] Bo     Things really will burn. [13:00] UB     If you don't tell us where     they hang out right now... [13:05] Gin     ...we'll burn down your castle. [13:07] Shin     Hey! The princess has     nothing to do with this! [13:10] Shin     She didn't do anything wrong! [13:12] Gin     But you're the one who introduced     him to Kagura, right? [13:15] Gin     Where did you guys hang out? [13:17] Gin     Which love hotel district?     Which storeroom behind a gym? [13:20] Gin     Which orgy venue? [13:21] Soyo     We'd never hang out at such places! [13:24] Soyo     I-It was usually the     river bank or the park... [13:28] Soyo     Hey! [13:29] Soyo     They might be gone already! [13:33] Shin     There they go. [13:35] Shin     What do you mean, they might be gone? [13:39] Soyo     Despite what the titans look like, [13:43] Soyo     they're a peaceful and quiet race as     long as they can listen to hip hop. [13:48] Soyo     There's just one thing. [13:50] Soyo     Titan royalty have looked for their     brides on other planets for generations. [13:56] Soyo     But what they do after     they find her is crazy. [14:00] Soyo     They look to monopolize her genes. [14:03] Soyo     To prevent the spread of their perfect     spouse's genes outside their own race, [14:08] Soyo     they eradicate all life on     the bride's home planet, [14:12] Soyo     leaving no traces,     not even a strand of DNA. SIGN    Massive UFO in Edo Skies [14:20] Hana     Are you all seeing this? [14:22] Hana     Titans suddenly appeared in Edo, [14:25] Hana     with a huge ship that nearly covers     the entire sky above the city. [14:29] Hana     Just who are they? [14:32] Shin     Dai-kun will destroy Earth? [14:35] Shin     No way! Did we treat him badly? [14:37] Shin     Did we act too much like     an annoying mother-in-law?! [14:40] Soyo     That's not really the issue. [14:43] Shin     Forget coming to take our girl, [14:46] Shin     he came to take our Earth?! [14:48] Shin     Forget the bingo balls of life, [14:49] Shin     he came to crush the     ball that gives us life?! [14:53] Soyo     We must stop the titans at once. [14:55] Soyo     I'll let Brother know and have the     Bakufu Army move out right away. [14:59] Shin     You've got it wrong. [15:01] Shin     They aren't the ones we need to stop. [15:06] Shin     The titans aren't the ones we     need to be truly afraid of. [15:11] Hana     Oh, look at that! [15:13] Hana     An army of titans dressed in     formal attire is descending on us! [15:22] Dai     Earthlings. [15:24] Dai     As Planet Titan's representative,     allow me to express our gratitude. [15:30] Dai     You have our heartfelt gratitude     for giving us the perfect bride. [15:38] Dai     Rejoice. [15:40] Dai     With this ceremony, [15:41] Dai     Earthling DNA will gain eternal     prosperity along with us titans. [15:51] Dai     Please give your blessings     to our marriage ceremony. [15:57] Hana     I-Is this a wedding? [16:00] Hana     The titans have destroyed the city     and built a big marriage venue! [16:05] Hana     Wait, is that... [16:06] Hana     An Earthling girl?! [16:08] Hana     The titans have taken a lone girl captive! [16:12] P     Do you promise to be true to     her in good times and bad, [16:16] P     in sickness and in health, and to love     and honor her all the days of your life? [16:22] Dai     I do. [16:24] Hana     Is this a ceremony to take     that girl as his wife? [16:29] P     Bride. Do you promise to be true     to him in good times and bad, [16:33] P     in sickness and in health, and to love     and honor him all the days of your life? [16:37] Dai     She said she does. [16:39] P     You may now seal your vows with a kiss. [16:46] Hana     That innocent girl's purity is about     to be taken by those massive lips! [16:52] Dai     Kagura... [16:53] Dai     Now your strong genes belong to me! [16:57] Dai     You should just look at me, and me alone. [17:02] Shin     Hold it right there! [17:08] Dai     Wait, father! [17:09] Dai     We can't! I don't swing that way! [17:12] Dai     Father? Father! [17:16] Shin     Dai-kun. [17:17] Shin     I'm sorry, but I can't     let you have Kagura-chan. [17:21] Shin     You don't have the right [17:25] Shin     to call yourself her boyfriend. [17:27] Dai     Damn you... [17:28] Dai     How dare you ruin this sacred     ceremony and my first kiss?! [17:35] Shin     It's too bad. [17:36] Shin     In your obsession with keeping     Kagura-chan to yourself, [17:39] Shin     you trampled on her feelings and tried     to take away something precious to her. [17:43] Dai     This has nothing to do with you! Piss off! [17:46] Shin     Do you understand?! [17:48] Shin     The dear daughter he raised was     taken from him by some random guy, [17:53] Shin     and yet, for her sake, he tried     to welcome him with a smile. [17:56] Shin     Do you understand that     bald father's feelings? [17:59] Shin     Do you understand? [18:00] Shin     He let go of the person he'd     protected with care for so long, [18:03] Shin     believed in the man she chose, and even     tried to entrust his sword to him. [18:08] Shin     Do you understand that     light-haired father's feelings? [18:11] Shin     Do you understand? [18:12] Shin     He actually felt really sad, [18:14] Shin     but held back his tears and played     the straight man for Kagura's sake. [18:18] Shin     Do you understand how those     father's glasses felt?! [18:20] Dai     Will you guys shut up about fathers already? [18:23] Dai     Quit poking your nose in     a couple's relationship! [18:25] Dai     It's gross as hell! [18:27] Dai     If you can't let your child go,     I'll lop off your arm for you! [18:32] Dai     Before the ceremony, cause a bloodbath     with the annoying apes of Earth! [18:37] Dai     Offer them up as sacrifices for our wedding! [18:40] Dai     Attack on, titans! [18:42] Hana     Oh, no! Titans are pouring     out of their mother ship! [18:45] Hana     Are we witnessing the apocalypse?! [18:48] Dai     Adios, fathers. [18:50] Dai     Your dear daughter belongs     to me, the great Dai! [18:54] Dai     Huh? I don't think we arranged     for a rice shower... [18:59] Hana     A rain of blood? [19:01] Hana     Can you believe it? Instead of a rice shower,     a red shower of blood is raining down! [19:06] Hana     It's the blood of titans! [19:08] Hana     This isn't titans attacking on!     It's an attack on titans! [19:11] Dai     N-No way. [19:14] Shin     Gross? [19:17] Shin     Fine by us. [19:18] Shin     Be it a boyfriend's possessiveness toward     his girl, or a race's possessiveness, [19:23] Shin     all men are gross in one way     or another, including you. [19:25] Shin     But that's nothing. [19:27] Shin     You're up against a father's gross     possessiveness toward his daughter. [19:31] Shin     Don't think you can beat that! [19:35] Gin     Hey, boyfriend. I'm impressed. [19:38] Gin     I never expected you to be prepared     to destroy Earth to make Kagura yours. [19:44] Gin     When you're asking someone for their     daughter they raised with love, [19:48] Gin     you do need the balls to     take an entire planet. [19:51] Gin     Yeah, it takes balls from     both the taker and the giver. [19:55] Dai     You guys want to start a planetary     war over a single girl?! [20:00] UB     As if grown-ass grown-ups would ever     do that for a filthy brat like her. [20:06] Gin     You can take her with you, but... [20:09] Bo     Only once you grow up and learn how to bow! [20:19] Gin     We finally said something grown up. [20:22] UB     Yeah. [20:23] UB     Now we're full-fledged adults, too. [20:26] Bo     Oh... [20:27] Bo     We forgot about Kagura. SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan [20:41] Shin     Whoa, hold it. [20:42] Shin     What's with that huge letter? [20:44] Kag     It's a letter from Dai-chan from back home. [20:48] Kag     You guys should read it, too. [20:49] Shin     What? From that prince? [20:52] Shin     Are we gonna be okay? He's not     declaring war or anything, right? [20:55] Shin     If he comes back to take Kagura-chan,      what do we do, Gin-san? [20:59] Gin     Shinpachi, send a reply at once. [21:01] UB     "She's a good-for-nothing     daughter, but please take—" [21:07] Shin     Uh... [21:08] Shin     "Thanks for taking care of     me during my stay on Earth. [21:12] Shin     Interacting with a different culture,     I've realized the importance of family. [21:15] Shin     In particular, I had the opportunity to     learn all too well how great fathers are. [21:18] Shin     It was a great learning experience." [21:20] Shin     Huh? He's turned over a new leaf     and become a different person! [21:24] UB     Well, his letters are always polite. [21:27] Dai     The next time I get a girlfriend, [21:29] Dai     I want to forget about our dated and evil     customs and treat her family well, too. [21:33] Dai     In particular, I'll treat the father well. [21:35] Dai     I'll try not to defy the     father, no matter what. [21:38] Shin     Uh, fathers have totally     become a trauma to him now. [21:41] UB     Well, a lot happened, but     all's well that ends well. [21:45] UB     He took a step forward as a person. [21:47] UB     With this, the home planet of those     lugs should improve a little bit. [21:50] Gin     Apparently not. [21:53] Dai     P.S. I recently found some     amazing genes that interest me. [21:57] Dai     Fathers really are amazing, huh? [22:02] Shin     Um... [22:03] Shin     I don't know about improving. If this     keeps up, their planet will die out. [22:07] Gin     This is on you. [22:08] Gin     He awakened to the other side because     of what you did to the priest. [22:10] Shin     Don't pin all the blame on me!     You did this by going too far! [22:13] Gin     Tell the old man that. I'm not the father. [22:16] UB     What do you mean? I'm still     young enough to be called "bro"! [22:18] Gin     Yeah, right, "bro." More like     your hair all went "go home." [22:21] UB     They didn't go home! I'm     still attacking on, fightan! [22:23] Shin     What happened to bro? [22:25] Kag     To Dai-chan. [22:26] Kag     I learned a lot thanks to you, too. [22:30] Kag     I don't really get the difference     between romantic and familial love yet, [22:34] Kag     but for now, [22:37] Kag     I'm fine with having just     these guys as boyfriends. SIGN    A Bowl of Ramen [23:49] Gin     Next time: "A Bowl of Ramen." SIGN    Next time, the widow running a ramen place, SIGN    Ikumatsu, makes an appearance after ten long years. SIGN    We have the always familiar, the nostalgic, SIGN    and the somewhat different people all in one big gathering.