E298.5 - Gintama Jump Special Anime Festa 2015

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:34] Sign
    Since the anime adaptation of
    Gintama was announced,
[01:38] Sign
    10 years have already passed.
[01:42] Sign
    September 2005, Jump Anime Tour
SIGN    First Ever Screening
[01:47] Sign
    April 4th, 2006
[01:47] Sign
    The Gintama TV Series begins airing.
[01:52] Sign
    April 24th, 2010
SIGN    fad(420,450)\i1}Gintama: The Movie: Benizakura
    Arc Retelling* opens in theaters.
[01:57] Sign
    April 4th, 2011
[01:57] Sign
    Season 2 of the Gintama TV Series begins airing.
[02:02] Sign
    July 6th, 2013
[02:02] Sign
    fad(420,457)\i1}Gintama The Movie: The Final Chapter: 
    Be Forever Odd Jobs* opens in theaters.
[02:07] Sign
    April 8th, 2015
[02:07] Sign
    Season 3 of the Gintama TV Series begins airing.
[02:12] Sign
    And now, this winter,
[02:16] Sign
    the Gintama anime faces up to
[02:19] Sign
    its biggest incident ever.
[02:41] Shin
    Huh?
[02:42] Shin
    Uh, excuse me. What the heck is this?
[02:45] Shin
    Nothing's happening.
[02:47] Shin
    The incident called "Nothing's
    Happening" is happening right now.
[02:50] Shin
    What's wrong?
[02:51] Shin
    Is the equipment malfunctioning?
[02:54] Shin
    Should I make an announcement or something?
[02:56] Gin
    Hey, Kagura. Light it up already.
[02:58] Kag
    I'm trying, but the lighter isn't working.
[03:02] Shin
    Hey, what the hell are you guys doing?!
[03:04] Shin
    The screen's been pitch
    black for a while now!
[03:06] Gin
    You make the room pitch black before lighting the candles on a cake, right?
[03:09] Shin
    Huh? Wait, what?
[03:11] Shin
    The room's lights have been switched off?
[03:12] Shin
    It's not a black screen for
    visual effect or anything?
[03:15] Kag
    Yeah, this lighter isn't working.
[03:17] Gin
    Man, and here I thought we
    could make things exciting.
[03:20] Gin
    Way to rain on my parade.
[03:21] Shin
    We're the ones raining on the parade
    of the Anime Festa visitors!
[03:24] Shin
    How long are you gonna
    show them a black screen?!
[03:26] Kag
    Don't worry, Shinpachi.
[03:28] Kag
    This cake is a rip-off of the
    one that a certain guy,
[03:30] Kag
    wearing nothing but an apron, tried to give a
    delinquent who sounds just like Gin-chan.
[03:34] Kag
    Once we turn on the lights, there'll
    be a colorful cake right here!
SIGN    Kagura
[03:37] Shin
    It's completely white!
SIGN    Shinpachi
SIGN    Gintoki
[03:40] Gin
    For real? It wasn't decorated yet, huh?
SIGN    Kagura
[03:42] Kag
    We couldn't tell 'cause it was inside a box.
SIGN    Shinpachi
[03:45] Shin
    You guys are completely white, too!
SIGN    Shinpachi
[03:47] Shin
    Wait, so am I!
[03:49] Shin
    What the hell?!
SIGN    Shinpachi
[03:50] Shin
    Putting out such crude visuals for
    the Anime Festa is unheard of!
[03:53] Shin
    Shueisha's gonna kill us!
SIGN    Gintoki
[03:55] Gin
    This is what happens when you try to animate
    something new mid-season with no money.
[03:59] Kag
    We're nothing like high-quality 
    anime such as Haikyu!!
SIGN    Kagura
[04:03] Kag
    Don't underestimate our
    suffering, you useless hack!
[04:05] Shin
    I seriously was underestimating it.
SIGN    Shinpachi
[04:07] Shin
    I thought they'd at least add the colors.
SIGN    Gintoki
[04:09] Gin
    How can you expect the
    staff to add colors to us
[04:11] Gin
    when nothing gets added to their pay?
[04:13] Shin
    Quit with the clever wordplay.
SIGN    Shinpachi
[04:14] Shin
    What are we gonna do about this disaster?
SIGN    Gintoki
[04:16] Gin
    What, you ask?
[04:21] Gin
    This is
[04:24] Gin
    sugar content!
[04:26] Shin
    What?!
[04:27] Shin
    What is wrong with you?!
[04:28] Shin
    And hey, they could color us just fine!
[04:31] Gin
    Well...
[04:32] Gin
    The taste of this being turned into
    that is, like, something else!
[04:36] Shin
    Keep your mouth shut if you can't explain it!
[04:38] Gin
    So, as you can see, it'll be fine
    if we send our clothes flying.
[04:41] Shin
    No, it's not fine! I hope
    you get sent flying!
[04:44] Gin
    Anyway, this is seriously delicious.
    I can't get enough of it.
[04:47] Kag
    No fair, Gin-chan. I want a bite, too.
[04:50] Gin
    Hey, wait—
[04:52] Gin
    Oh, crap.
[04:54] Gin
    This is gonna turn into that!
[04:57] Gin
    Oh, like hell!
[04:58] Shin
    What's with that silhouette?!
[05:00] Kag
    You may not have realized,
    but I look thinner in clothes.
[05:04] Kag
    Inside, I have a dynamite body.
[05:06] Gin
    Your "dynamite body" is sticking
    out of the silhouette, you know.
[05:09] Shin
    Anyway, is the cake that delicious?
[05:12] Shin
    Let me have a bite, too.
[05:13] Gin
    You get it, don't you, Pachi-boy?
[05:15] Shin
    What do you mean?
[05:17] Shin
    I'm not gonna get disrobed by cake—
[05:21] Shin
    My lenses!
[05:22] Shin
    And my frames are melting away!
[05:32] Oki
    Excuse me.
[05:35] Oki
    There's a volunteer who wants
    to represent the Shinsengumi
[05:37] Oki
    and have his clothes sent flying in
    front of everyone in the audience,
[05:42] Oki
    so could you let him eat some of that?
[05:44] Hij
    Untie me, Sogo!
[05:46] Gin
    Hijikata-kun!
[05:47] Gin
    I can't believe you're
    volunteering. I'm impressed.
[05:50] Hij
    What part of this looks
    like volunteering to you?!
[05:52] Hij
    I've clearly been brought
    here against my will!
[05:54] Bo
    Say "ahh."
[05:55] Hij
    Listen to me, you pair of sadists!
[05:57] Hij
    No!
[05:58] Hij
    Who'd want to eat this crap?
    It doesn't even have mayonnaise on it!
[06:01] Shin
    So you'd eat it if it did?!
[06:06] Mad
    Ah, this is tastier than dog food!
[06:09] Gin
    There's the poor sod,
    in every sense of the word!
[06:12] Gin
    What are you doing here, Hasegawa-san?!
[06:14] Mad
    I've been in your closet for a month now.
[06:16] Gin
    You were freeloading again?!
[06:19] Sac
    Don't worry, Gin-san.
    I've been here for two months now!
[06:22] Gin
    You guys pay the rent for this place!
[06:24] Gin
    My fist is served!
[06:24] Oki
    Sheesh. I'm not in the mood anymore.
[06:26] Gin
    Served! Served! Served!
[06:28] Oki
    Or so I say, and then...
[06:29] Oki
    Eat the rest and the plate, Hijikata!
[06:31] Hij
    Wait—
[06:34] Hij
    K-Kondo-san.
[06:37] Kon
    Would you guys give it a rest?
[06:39] Kon
    You too, Odd Jobs.
[06:41] Kon
    Didn't we come to make an important
    announcement to the audience here?
[06:45] Shin
    Oh, yeah.
[06:47] Shin
    I nearly forgot about the intro at the start.
[06:50] Hij
    That's Kondo-san for you.
[06:52] Hij
    Even after getting hit with
    that cake, you didn't flinch,
[06:55] Hij
    and took charge of the situation.
[06:57] Kon
    Oh, it's no big deal.
[07:00] Kon
    I wasn't wearing any clothes to begin with!
[07:03] Hij
    That's right!
[07:04] Hij
    Our chief was just a naked gorilla!
[07:07] Gin
    So on that note, ladies and gentlemen...
[07:10] Gin
    We now present to you a preview of
    the Gintama anime's biggest arc.
[07:15] Shin
    Huh? Are we really gonna do it?
[07:17] Shin
    Is this how we're gonna do it?
[07:18] Kag
    It's too late to get our act together.
[07:21] Gin
    Exactly!
[07:23] Gin
    So, roll...
[07:25] Gin
    ...the tape!
[07:39] Tak
    Took you long enough.
[07:41] Tak
    I got sick of waiting for you,
[07:45] Tak
    Gintoki.
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Shogun Assassination Arc
    Preview
[07:56] Soyo
    Brother?
[07:58] Soyo
    Brother.
[08:00] Soyo
    Brother.
[08:02] Soyo
    Jeez, Brother!
[08:05] Sho
    Oh, Soyo.
[08:08] Sho
    Forgive me. I was lost in thought.
[08:10] Sho
    I heard that
[08:12] Sho
    another one of your allies left your side.
[08:18] Sho
    The blame lies with me,
[08:20] Sho
    the gutless master who can't
    protect any of his men or friends.
[08:24] Sho
    Does a pathetic man like me really
    have the right to rule over a nation?
[08:29] Sho
    I hope that one day,
[08:31] Sho
    our country will be so peaceful,
[08:34] Sho
    there will be no need for a shogun
    or to worry about the future,
[08:38] Sho
    and I will be just an older brother drinking
    the tea his little sister made for him.
[08:45] Soyo
    Brother!
[08:47] Sac
    I apologize for my insolence.
[08:50] Sac
    But I daresay you'd be better
    off not drinking that.
[08:54] Sho
    Don't tell me, it was poisoned?
SIGN    The Shogun Assassination Plot
SIGN    is finally put into motion.
[09:00] Zen
    Shogun assassination plot, eh?
SIGN    The Oniwaban
[09:04] Sac
    We're the only ones who can keep him safe.
SIGN    The Oniwaban
SIGN    The Oniwaban reunite.
SIGN    Shinsengumi Director 
    Matsudaira Katakuriko
[09:08] Mat
    Escort the shogun out of Edo!
SIGN    Top Secret Mission
[09:11] Hij
    Aren't you yelling the top
    secret mission out too loud?!
SIGN    Shinsengumi Chief
    Kondo Isao
[09:13] Mat
    Forget about lords and retainers!
SIGN    Oniwaban Ninja
    Sarutobi Ayame
SIGN    Shinsengumi Vice Chief
     Hijikata Toshiro
[09:16] Mat
    Let's fight together for a buddy!
SIGN    Odd Jobs
    Kagura
SIGN    Odd Jobs
    Shimura Shinpachi
[09:20] Mat
    I'm counting on you, buddies.
[09:22] Mat
    And you too,
[09:24] Mat
    double.
[09:26] Gin
    Uh, not that I care, but
    could you hurry it up?
SIGN    Odd Jobs
    Sakata Gintoki
[09:29] Gin
    It's seriously hot in here.
[09:33] Bo
    Why are you the double?!
SIGN    Enemy...
SIGN    Shogun-in-Waiting
    Hitotsubashi Nobunobu
[09:38] Kam
    I mean, we just gotta kill the shogun, right?
SIGN    Harusame Space Pirates
    Seventh Division Commander
     Kamui
[09:41] Tak
    You're free to force a checkmate
    or knock over the board itself.
SIGN    Kiheitai Commander
    Takasugi Shinsuke
SIGN    Ally...
SIGN    Shinsengumi
     First Squad Captain
     Okita Sogo
[09:47] Oki
    Don't give me that look, Princess.
SIGN    Fujibayashi Clan Head 
    Fujibayashi Gaimon
[09:50] Oki
    I'm on your side, you know.
SIGN    Momochi Clan Head 
    Momochi Rappa
SIGN    Or Traitor?
[09:55] Zen
    I'm sorry to say,
[09:57] Zen
    but you can't protect this
    nation as its shogun.
SIGN    Leader of the Oniwaban
    Marici
    Hattori Zenzo
SIGN    Shogun
    Tokugawa Shigeshige
[10:03] Sho
    Yes, Zenzo...
[10:07] Sho
    I leave the rest to you.
SIGN    The childhood
SIGN    promise
SIGN    and the truth
SIGN    will now...
[10:33] Kon
    You're the only ones who can.
[10:36] Kag
    What are you so afraid of?
[10:41] Shin
    Gin-san...
[10:42] Shin
    Just what's going to happen to the world now?
[10:46] Gin
    Before dawn.
[10:48] Gin
    The night is darkest just before the dawn.
[10:51] Gin
    But keep your eyes open.
[10:56] Gin
    I'm Sakata Gintoki,
    disciple of Yoshida Shoyo!
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Shogun Assassination Arc