E291 - Always Leave Enough Room for Pebbles in Your Bag

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:01] M
    Vice Commander of the Chidori
    Space Pirates' Second Division,
[00:04] M
    Diamond Princess Mutsu.
[00:06] Gin
    You were a space pirate?!
[00:09] (Flashback) C
    Long time no see, Con—
[00:13] (Flashback) Sak
    I've made up my mind.
[00:16] (Flashback) Sak
    This ship now belongs to Sakamoto Tatsuma!
[00:20] (Flashback) Sak
    I'll buy this ship, slaves and all.
[00:24] (Flashback) W
    Thank you so very much, Captain.
[00:28] (Flashback) W
    You're truly kind.
[00:30] (Flashback) Sak
    Give and take.
[00:32] (Flashback) Sak
    That's what business is all about.
[00:36] (Flashback) C
    Tomorrow, at Planet Ken'o,
    we shall execute all the slaves,
[00:39] (Flashback) C
    along with that girl.
[00:46] (Flashback) M
    Tell her it was delicious.
SIGN    Sakamoto Tatsuma's request: Watch this program in a
    nice 'n' bright room and at a safe distance from your TV!!
[02:31] M
    Even I couldn't say why 
    I did what I did back then.
[02:37] M
    Perhaps I didn't want to get others
    caught up in my own battles,
[02:41] M
    or perhaps I wanted to atone for all
    the slaves I'd sold up until then.
[02:47] M
    No, most likely...
[02:51] M
    the daughter of a pirate just wanted to
    take part in a real trade at the very end.
SIGN    Always Leave Enough Room
    for Pebbles in Your Bag
[03:10] G
    Put out the fire!
[03:14] Gin
    And? This is what your
    "real trade" resulted in?
[03:20] Gin
    Looks like you got some
    pretty hefty change back.
[03:24] M
    Yeah, droppin' all these coins
    is most unbecomin' of a trader.
[03:29] G
    Y-You bastards!
[03:31] M
    I'd better collect 'em all this time.
[03:34] M
    Right down to the very last yen.
[03:45] Gin
    Where's that moron?
[03:46] M
    They might've realized their bluff didn't work
[03:48] M
    and decided to try to take him and escape.
[03:51] M
    You search the deck.
[03:54] Gin
    Got it.
[03:59] Gin
    Wait, Muts—
[04:06] Gin
    Why, you little...
[04:12] G
    Welcome home, Vice Commander.
[04:15] G
    How nice of you to finally come back to us.
[04:20] G
    Let's pick up...
[04:24] G
    where we left off that time.
[04:31] (Flashback) C
    That's a pirate's daughter for you.
[04:34] (Flashback) C
    You're putting on a brave
    face right to the very end.
[04:37] (Flashback) C
    Or so I'd like to say,
[04:40] (Flashback) C
    but it seems you saw this coming.
[04:44] (Flashback) M
    Everybody knows pirates don't
    get to die painless deaths.
[04:48] (Flashback) M
    And I can see the very next cut,
[04:50] (Flashback) M
    where your face will be hit by bird
    poop, coming from a mile away.
[04:56] (Flashback) C
    Not again!
[04:57] (Flashback) C
    And the seagulls on this planet drop huge turds!
[05:01] (Flashback) C
    You're saying you were
    prepared to die at any time?
[05:04] (Flashback) C
    It won't come off...
[05:06] (Flashback) C
    Then why did you stay on this ship?
[05:12] (Flashback) C
    Was it for him, perhaps?
[05:20] (Flashback) M
    Why didn't you run?
[05:23] (Flashback) Sak
    The same reason you didn't.
[05:28] (Flashback) Sak
    You alone weren't enough bait
[05:31] (Flashback) Sak
    to ensure everyone could get away.
[05:36] (Flashback) M
    You...
[05:41] (Flashback) C
    By playing the decoy yourselves,
    you tried to distract us
[05:45] (Flashback) C
    and buy enough time for
    the slaves to get away.
[05:49] (Flashback) C
    Mutsu-sama, this is undeniably a rebellion.
[05:53] (Flashback) C
    Now I can freely order your execution.
SIGN    26.477
[05:57] (Flashback) C
    And theirs, as well.
[06:02] (Flashback) C
    How's it look?
[06:03] (Flashback) G
    Targets sighted 50 km south of this ship.
[06:09] (Flashback) G
    We just shot them down.
[06:11] (Flashback) G
    The slaves are now sleeping with the fishes.
[06:17] C
    Yes, it was just the same back then.
[06:20] C
    You tried to protect your friends,
[06:23] C
    but were unable to do anything
[06:25] C
    and simply fell to the ground.
[06:28] C
    And here you both are again,
[06:31] C
    fallen on the ground.
[06:33] C
    People never change, eh?
[06:36] Sak
    Yeah, they don't.
[06:39] Sak
    Just like your stupid face.
[06:42] Sak
    Oh, sorry.
[06:44] Sak
    I forgot I've never seen your face.
[06:49] C
    Let me tell you this, Con Man!
[06:52] C
    The one thing we wanted
    to take back from you most
[06:56] C
    was that girl's life!
[06:58] C
    If she hadn't escaped back then,
[07:00] C
    if I'd been the one at the helm,
[07:03] C
    I could've gotten the crumbling
    Chidori back on its feet!
[07:06] C
    But this traitor ruined everything!
[07:14] G
    Commander!
[07:17] Sak
    You were the ones who tossed
    her away, twice, like a pebble.
[07:22] Sak
    I'm a trader.
[07:23] Sak
    So long as I get paid, I'll gladly sell
    you anythin', be it ships or bags.
[07:28] Sak
    But no matter how large your offer,
[07:31] Sak
    I have nothin' to sell to scum
[07:35] Sak
    who don't understand the value
    of those pebbles we call comrades.
[07:40] Sak
    Could you please leave, good sir?
[07:45] G
    Y-You bastard!
[07:47] Sak
    People don't change, huh? Well said.
[07:51] Sak
    You haven't changed a bit since then, either.
[07:57] (Flashback) C
    Too bad.
[07:59] (Flashback) C
    None of what you did affected
    my plans in any way whatsoever.
[08:06] (Flashback) C
    Now, if you'll sink to the depths of
    the ocean, all will be as I planned.
[08:10] (Flashback) M
    Business is no walk in the park, huh?
[08:14] (Flashback) M
    In the end, all I did was take.
[08:18] (Flashback) M
    I couldn't give them anything in return.
[08:20] (Flashback) Sak
    Nah. Your pebble was a wonderful product.
[08:25] (Flashback) Sak
    That was good business.
[08:27] (Flashback) M
    That was nothing but a pebble.
[08:30] (Flashback) Sak
    All goods are worth nothin'
    'til they're on a store shelf.
[08:33] (Flashback) Sak
    Traders are alchemists who derive
    value from nothin' to turn a profit.
[08:40] (Flashback) Sak
    That you discovered that value
    makes you a proper trader.
[08:44] (Flashback) Sak
    And now, it's my turn.
[08:48] (Flashback) Sak
    Didn't I tell you that I'd buy
    this ship, slaves and all?
[08:53] (Flashback) Sak
    I never planned on leaving
    anyone locked inside a cage.
[08:58] (Flashback) Sak
    Including you, Mutsu.
[09:01] (Flashback) Sak
    You're no longer a pirate,
[09:04] (Flashback) Sak
    nor a mere pebble.
[09:07] (Flashback) Sak
    You're a diamond I found in the rough,
[09:13] (Flashback) Sak
    a gem known as a comrade!
[09:16] C
    Y-You fiends!
[09:19] M
    We played dead and disguised
    ourselves among your men.
[09:22] M
    I can't believe you fell for it twice.
[09:24] M
    You really aren't cut out to be a captain.
[09:28] M
    One moronic captain is more than enough.
[09:34] (Flashback) G
    Fire!
[09:39] (Flashback) G
    Attention all pirates!
[09:41] (Flashback) G
    C-Commander! The slave ships!
[09:44] (Flashback) G
    We have taken over your fleet!
[09:48] (Flashback) G
    Hand over the mother ship, too,
[09:51] (Flashback) G
    How did they...
[09:51] (Flashback) G
    and free all the slaves!
[09:54] (Flashback) G
    You have five minutes.
[09:57] (Flashback) G
    One...
[09:58] (Flashback) G
    Two...
[09:59] (Flashback) G
    Three...
[09:59] (Flashback) C
    Y-You bastards!
[10:00] (Flashback) G
    Four...
[10:01] (Flashback) G
    Five...
[10:03] (Flashback) G
    Gran?!
[10:05] (Flashback) G
    That was too quick! Didn't you
    hear me say "five minutes"?!
[10:07] (Flashback) G
    When you get old, time seems
    to fly by so much faster.
[10:11] (Flashback) G
    No, it really has only been five seconds!
[10:14] (Flashback) G
    They fired at us!
[10:16] (Flashback) C
    Curses! Ignore the firing and
    turn the tables on the slaves!
[10:20] (Flashback) G
    C-Commander! They've vanished!
[10:23] (Flashback) C
    What?
[10:31] (Flashback) Sak
    Hup.
[10:46] Gin
    W-Wait.
[10:47] Gin
    That fighting style,
[10:49] Gin
    pale skin,
[10:51] Gin
    and braided hat to ward off the sun...
[10:53] Gin
    Don't tell me...
[10:56] Gin
    You're a Yato?!
[10:59] Gin
    So the heiress of a space pirate fleet
[11:01] Gin
    is also a member of the universe's
    mightiest warrior race?!
[11:04] Gin
    Where does that leave our heroine?!
[11:07] Gin
    Damn it, Tatsuma!
[11:08] Gin
    You couldn't have picked a more
    dangerous XO if you'd tried!
[11:11] Sak
    Yato? What's that all about?
[11:13] Gin
    You didn't know?!
[11:19] C
    Fire!
[11:20] C
    Hold them off!
[11:24] Sak
    Are they trying to escape?
[11:26] M
    Not on my watch.
[11:28] M
    You're not the only ones
    who can use projectiles!
[11:34] G
    Commander! All the guns have been destroyed!
[11:37] C
    I don't care! Get going!
[11:44] M
    Don't you understand that
    I'm tellin' you to wait?
[11:46] M
    You forgot your change, sir.
[11:51] C
    M-Mutsu...
[11:52] C
    With that much power and talent,
[11:56] C
    you could've become a notorious pirate.
[11:59] C
    Why are you still serving that man?
[12:03] C
    Why do you remain a mere trader?
[12:06] C
    To repay your debt to him?
[12:08] C
    To atone for the slaves?
[12:12] M
    Nonsense.
[12:14] M
    Even if I wanted to repay my debts,
[12:16] M
    or atone for my sins,
[12:19] M
    they're all gone.
[12:24] M
    That insane trader took all
    my debts and sins from me.
[12:33] M
    I stand before you as someone
    who lost everything she had.
[12:37] M
    As plain old Mutsu.
[12:39] M
    As Vice Captain of the Kaientai, Mutsu.
[12:44] C
    Those are the slaves from back then!
[12:45] C
    Don't tell me your Kaientai is...
[12:49] M
    Remember this.
[12:51] M
    I'm not a pebble that moron picked up.
[12:55] M
    The one who found a pile of gems back then
[13:03] M
    was me.
[13:10] M
    What's this?
[13:12] M
    Here I thought I'd finally get to see your face,
[13:15] M
    but it's as filthy as ever.
[13:24] M
    It ain't gonna sell.
[13:33] G
    Mutsu-sama! I'm so glad you're safe!
[13:36] G
    I knew you'd be able to pull it off.
[13:40] G
    You even managed to buy a ship
    with those unprofitable bags.
[13:43] G
    Give it back! Give our ship back!
[13:45] G
    Your business acumen is truly
    beyond measure, Mutsu-sama.
[13:49] G
    Let's celebrate Mutsu-sama's
    safe return with a party!
[13:52] Sak
    Hey! Doesn't anybody want to celebrate
    the captain's safe return?!
[13:57] Gin
    Well, you didn't return safe and sound.
[13:59] Gin
    Your mug's gone bon voyage.
[14:03] Gin
    Still, I'm amazed your Kaientai fleet
[14:07] Gin
    is made up of the slaves you freed.
[14:12] Sak
    This is a trade, too.
[14:14] Sak
    The slaves have nowhere to go, so I
    give them a home as members of my crew.
[14:20] Sak
    In return, it saves me labor costs.
[14:22] Sak
    It's a win-win.
[14:24] Gin
    I'll leave it at that,
[14:27] Gin
    because I'm sure you'd rather drop
    dead than say you did it for a girl.
[14:32] Gin
    You'll have to compensate me for my services.
[14:35] Gin
    I'm running a business, too.
[14:37] Sak
    I'll leave it at that,
[14:39] Sak
    because I'm sure you'd rather drop dead
    than say you did it for a girl, too.
[14:53] (Flashback) M
    You said I was no longer
    a pirate, didn't you?
[14:58] (Flashback) M
    How so?
[14:59] (Flashback) M
    This is clearly worse than piracy.
[15:05] (Flashback) Sak
    Don't sweat the small stuff.
[15:07] (Flashback) Sak
    Pirates and traders do more
    or less the same things.
[15:11] (Flashback) Sak
    We eat, poop, sleep, and puke.
[15:16] (Flashback) M
    You're the only one who pukes
    anywhere and everywhere.
[15:19] (Flashback) Sak
    Besides, you already know the difference
    between pirates and traders.
[15:35] (Flashback) Sak
    That's right.
[15:37] (Flashback) Sak
    We Kaientai are pirates who live for pleasure.
SIGN    Kai-rates
[15:41] (Flashback) Sak
    We're Kai-rates!
[15:47] G
    We're good to go.
[15:54] Sak
    Kaientai...
[15:55] M
    ...lift off!
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[16:02] Shin
    Gin-san, Gin-san, we've received
    a package from Mutsu-san.
[16:06] Gin
    What? Is it my reward?
[16:08] Gin
    The Razor XO really knows where it's at!
[16:13] Kag
    Look, Gin-chan!
[16:14] Kag
    It's 50 million yen!
[16:15] Gin
    For real?!
[16:16] Kag
    Or, well, a bag with room for 50 million,
[16:19] Kag
    filled with pickled radishes!
[16:33] M
    That was good business.
[16:35] M
    With those words, the woman
    filled her pockets with pebbles
[16:40] M
    and set sail across the sea of stars.
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[18:21] Shin
    Wait, what?
[18:22] Gin
    We ended up with some time left over.
[18:24] Shin
    Don't say it like that!
[18:26] Kag
    I was irritated that characters who
    usually only show up in the OP and ED
[18:28] Kag
    got a two-episode arc that ended on a
    nice note, so I'm glad this happened.
[18:33] Kag
    What do you mean, she's actually
    a Yato? That's news to me.
[18:35] Shin
    Well, there have been ups and downs,
[18:37] Shin
    but Gintama Season Three, which began
    with an apology press conference,
[18:40] Shin
    has now managed to stay on
    air for a whole two cours.
[18:42] Gin
    Seriously, so much has happened.
[18:44] Gin
    We played basketball and wore the Cloths.
[18:46] Kag
    We really did our best to
    ride on others' coattails.
[18:49] Shin
    Uh, well...
[18:52] Shin
    And now,
[18:53] Shin
    thanks to all of you, it's been decided
    that we'll be airing a third cours, too!
[18:58] Gin
    Oh...
[18:59] Kag
    'Kay.
[19:00] Shin
    Hey, what's with the lame reactions?
[19:02] Gin
    Everyone probably already found out
    we're continuing from anime magazines
[19:04] Gin
    or TV Tokyo's official site.
[19:06] Kag
    And considering we'll have to
    make do with a shoestring budget,
[19:09] Kag
    it's a double-edged sword.
[19:10] Shin
    Hey! What's with this mood?!
[19:12] Shin
    Act more excited, even if
    you have to force yourselves!
[19:14] Gin
    But well,
[19:15] Gin
    it was really difficult to
    make a return this time.
[19:18] Gin
    I mean, the manga staff used Jump's
    cover to tell us, "Don't do it!"
[19:21] Gin
    And the filthy grown-ups went all,
[19:23] Gin
    "This will set a bad example, so you
    represent all the anime staff and apologize."
[19:28] Gin
    To top it all off, they said,
[19:29] Gin
    "Your hair's all crooked. Show some sincerity,"
[19:32] Gin
    and nearly made me shave my head there.
[19:35] ---
    I somehow convinced them to
    let me off with a 7:3 part!
[19:37] ---
    Any adult who'd associate with this
    anime can't be a decent person.
[19:41] ---
    Yeah, we did suddenly go
    from a Sunrise production
[19:43] ---
    to being produced by Bandai Namco ictures.
[19:45] Shin
    Uh, was that really the company's name?
[19:46] Kag
    Bandai Namco ictures is
    just Bandai Namco ictures.
[19:50] Kag
    Oh, would abbreviating it to BN be easier to say?
[19:53] Shin
    I'm saying there's no beep there!
[19:55] Shin
    I mean, it's just a P!
[19:57] Gin
    When you're running a company,
[19:58] Gin
    there are some things you just
    gotta hide from the public.
[20:01] Shin
    What's the point of hiding
    the company's name?!
[20:03] Kag
    That aside, what do we do
    about the remaining airtime?
[20:05] Gin
    Oh, maybe run a recap or something?
[20:08] Kag
    The higher-ups said to make
    it seem a little special,
[20:10] Kag
    because if we did a normal recap,
[20:12] Kag
    we'd look like all those other shows
    delayed by production issues.
[20:15] Gin
    Man, that's such a pain in the ass.
[20:17] Shin
    Uh, in that case,
[20:19] Shin
    how about the three of us describe all
    that's happened so far as we reflect on it?
[20:23] Gin
    But if it's just the three of us,
    won't it all be the same stuff?
[20:27] Kag
    We could make it seem special
    by having three special guests.
[20:30] Kag
    How about something like this?
SIGN    Third Cours Confirmed 
     Celebration Project
SIGN    Our Recap
[20:39] Shin
    Our Recap.
[20:41] Shin
    Our guests today:
SIGN    Sakata Gintoki
[20:43] Shin
    Sakata Gintoki-san,
SIGN    Sakata Gintoki (F)
[20:45] Shin
    Sakata Gintoki-san,
SIGN    Sakata Gintoki (Hijikata)
[20:47] Shin
    and Sakata Gintoki-san.
[20:51] Gin
    Hold it right there!
[20:54] Gin
    What the hell is this?
[20:55] Gin
    Guests, my foot!
[20:56] Gin
    They're all me!
[20:57] Gin
    How are we all coexisting at the same time?!
[21:00] Ginko
    Oh, shut it.
[21:01] Ginko
    Because there's demand for us, obviously.
[21:04] Gin
    Screw that! Your demand is my demand!
[21:07] Ginko
    Who are you, Gian?
[21:09] Ginko
    You despicable scum!
[21:11] Gin
    Um, you're me, you know!
[21:13] Hij
    I'm not you on the inside.
[21:15] Hij
    Don't get the wrong idea.
[21:17] Gin
    And you, get out of my body already!
[21:19] Ginko
    Hey, President. Whatcha think
    of this dude's attitude?
[21:24] Hij
    I don't remember allying with you, either.
[21:26] Hij
    Crazy bitch.
[21:27] Ginko
    Say what?!
[21:28] Ginko
    Don't get all cocky using
    my body, damn Mayopiggy-X!
[21:31] Hij
    Who are you calling Mayopiggy-X?!
[21:33] Ginko
    Also, what's with that hairdo?
[21:35] Ginko
    Trying to act cool?
[21:36] Ginko
    Even though your real
    body has V-shaped bangs?
[21:37] Ginko
    Is it because of the V-shaped bangs?
[21:38] Ginko
    Because you want to be freed
    of the V-shaped curse?
[21:40] Hij
    Like hell, dumbass!
[21:42] Hij
    I can set my hair in my
    real body if I try, too!
[21:44] Hij
    I can get a makeover at any time!
[21:46] Gin
    Stop it, you two!
[21:47] Gin
    This is making me feel
    really awkward, so stop!
[21:50] Gin
    I can't do this anymore!
[21:51] Gin
    Cut, cut! Let's start over!
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[21:54] Kag
    What was that for, Gin-chan?
[21:56] Kag
    That seemed really special, you know.
[21:58] Gin
    We don't need special if it's
    going to be so out of control!
[22:00] Gin
    We're not after something
    on the level of Christmas
[22:02] Gin
    and New Year's coming at the same time!
[22:03] Gin
    Just a little bit is fine!
[22:05] Gin
    A three-day weekend is fine!
[22:07] Kag
    A three-day weekend, huh?
SIGN    Third Cours Confirmed 
    Celebration Project
SIGN    Our Recap
[22:13] Shin
    Our Recap.
[22:15] Shin
    Our guests today:
SIGN    Gaa
[22:17] Shin
    Ga°a-san,
SIGN    Otega
[22:19] Shin
    O°tega-san,
SIGN    Mah
[22:20] Shin
    and Ma°h-san.
[22:22] Gin
    Hold it!
[22:23] Gin
    Cut, cut!
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[22:26] Gin
    I said three-day, not Tri-Stars!
[22:28] Gin
    Though I should've seen it coming!
[22:29] Gin
    That joke was in SD Gundam already,
    as the Black Tri-Defeats or something!
[22:32] Kag
    By taking a step back,
[22:34] Kag
    it's actually become
    easier to mess with this.
[22:37] Kag
    I wanna ask them what the story is
    behind the move from Sunrise to BN.
[22:41] Gin
    Those guys know what happened?!
[22:44] Kag
    I guess they wouldn't.
[22:46] Kag
    How about this, then?
SIGN    Third Cours Confirmed   Celebration Project
SIGN    Our Recap
[22:50] Shin
    Our Recap.
[22:52] Shin
    Our guests today:
SIGN    Sadaharu
[22:54] Shin
    Sadaharu-san,
SIGN    Dozaemon
[22:55] Shin
    Dozaemon-san,
SIGN    Hideyoshi (Gorilla)
[22:56] Shin
    and Hideyoshi-san.
[23:03] Gin
    I have no idea what they're saying!
[23:07] Gin
    And couldn't you talk like
    a human being before?!
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[23:11] Kag
    I thought a pet special would be soothing.
[23:13] Gin
    It's not! It's nothing but unsettling!
[23:15] Shin
    Uh, I'm sorry,
[23:16] Shin
    but while we were messing around, we ended
    up with less than 30 seconds remaining!
[23:20] Gin
    Seriously?!
[23:21] Gin
    Forget about the project now. Let's just
    flash back to everything in one go!
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[23:38] Gin
    On that note...
[23:39] All
    Please look forward to the third cours!
SIGN    Style Goes Out of Fashion
    the Moment It's Put Into Words
    
    There Are Two Types of People In This World:
    Those Who Yell Out Their Attack Names, 
    and Those Who Don't
[23:45] Shin
    Next episode, we have Style
    and Ultimate Attacks.
[23:48] Shin
    Yeahhhh!
SIGN    Next episode is a two-parter featuring  Shinpachi for some reason,
SIGN    so we're flashing back to  his scenes in one go.
SIGN    His retorts are so good, we'd like them  echoing in the mountains at night.
SIGN    Oh, and there'll be a new  OP and ED! Yeahhhh!