# E282 - A Phoenix Rises from the Ashes Over and Over
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GR9PJJP96/a-phoenix-rises-from-the-ashes-over-and-over)
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** Hasegawa Taizo's request: Be sure to watch this program
in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV...
**[01:35] G**
That was so much fun!
**[01:37] G**
Tomorrow, let's invite Kagura-chan
out and set off fireworks.
**[01:40] G**
Sure.
**[01:41] G**
Summer vacation really is a blast.
**[01:43] G**
You can say that again.
**[01:45] G**
I wish it would never end.
**[01:50] H**
Are you sure about that?
**[01:59] H**
Do you really want summer
vacation to last forever?
**[02:04] H**
If summer vacation were endless,
**[02:06] H**
what would you want to do?
**[02:09] H**
Keep vacationing forever?
**[02:11] H**
Keep vacationing even as your
classmates enter a new school term?
**[02:15] H**
Keep vacationing even as they all graduate,
**[02:17] H**
become independent, and start working?
**[02:20] H**
Keep vacationing even as your
parents make sarcastic remarks
***SIGN*** Do Not Disturb!
**[02:24] H**
about how your friend So-And-So
got promoted or married?
**[02:27] H**
"Really, I wanted to get a job too,
**[02:29] H**
and get married, and repay my parents
for all they've done for me."
**[02:31] H**
With such thoughts in your head,
***SIGN*** Mother of a Home Security Guard
**[02:35] H**
would you stay in your room,
left alone with nobody to call family,
**[02:39] H**
and keep vacationing?
**[02:41] H**
Of course you would.
**[02:43] H**
You were the one who wished
for an eternal summer vacation,
**[02:46] H**
so you'd have to keep on vacationing,
**[02:49] H**
with no vacations from your vacationing!
**[02:52] H**
Do you get it now?
**[02:54] H**
Vacations can only exist
after work obligations,
**[02:57] H**
the basis of the human lifestyle, are fulfilled!
**[03:00] H**
You can't call a year-round
vacation a vacation at all!
**[03:04] H**
The same holds true for everything.
**[03:06] H**
An endless vacation is the same as work.
**[03:09] H**
It turns into an obligation,
a source of pain.
**[03:12] H**
You can only enjoy a vacation
because it'll end someday.
**[03:15] H**
You can only keep working
because it'll end someday.
**[03:19] H**
An endless summer vacation is no
different from an eternal hell!
**[03:26] H**
Thank your lucky stars!
**[03:29] H**
Be thankful that your life has both
obligations and vacations, both ups and downs!
**[03:33] H**
Thankful that your summer vacation can
still be called a summer vacation!
***SIGN*** A Phoenix Rises from the Ashes
Over and Over
**[03:47] H**
*In the midst of my endless summer vacation,*
**[03:50] H**
*that was the only obligation I had left.*
**[03:54] B**
Summer vacation's the best!
**[03:58] H**
What's so great about it?
**[04:00] B**
It's him!
**[04:04] H**
*When kids gather at our home, the park,*
**[04:07] H**
* and stay out playing too late,*
* I warn them not to get too excited,*
**[04:10] H**
*and send them on their way home.*
**[04:13] H**
*Summer is a demon.*
**[04:15] H**
* Conventional wisdom says summer is when*
* youths start going down the wrong path.*
**[04:19] B**
Since it's summer vacation, what
say we hit up the beach tomorrow?
**[04:23] H**
Why does it have to be
during summer vacation?
**[04:27] G**
No! Don't leave me here alone!
**[04:30] H**
* As someone who's walked*
* down the wrong path myself,*
**[04:32] H**
*there are things that only I can say.*
**[04:34] H**
*Using my life as an example,*
**[04:36] H**
* I kept enlightening them to what*
* life and summer vacation truly are.*
**[04:44] H**
* But the number of kids gathering*
* at the park didn't go down.*
**[04:48] H**
*Far from it.*
**[04:51] B**
Hey, mister.
**[04:54] B**
You're the guy who's going around
telling scary stories, right?
**[04:58] B**
I hear they're super scary.
**[05:01] B**
Would you tell us one, too?
**[05:08] H**
*Before I knew it...*
**[05:10] H**
I'd become the scary-story teller.
**[05:12] Shin**
How?!
***SIGN*** Odd Jobs Gin-chan
**[05:14] Shin**
How did the guy keeping kids
on the straight and narrow
**[05:17] Shin**
become the friendly scary-story teller?!
**[05:19] H**
I have no idea.
**[05:20] H**
All I did was complain or tell
them stories of my failures,
**[05:23] H**
but it scared the living
daylights out of those brats.
**[05:26] H**
Now they come around to listen to
my One Hundred Complaining Tales.
**[05:31] Shin**
What happened to the guy telling
them not to stay out too late?!
**[05:34] H**
And it's turning out to be quite profitable.
**[05:36] H**
Kids these days have a lot of money, huh?
**[05:38] Shin**
What's wrong with you?! They're *kids!*
**[05:40] Shin**
You're the one who's strayed farthest
from the straight and narrow!
**[05:43] H**
I can finally escape my
eternal summer vacation now.
**[05:47] H**
Or so I thought,
**[05:48] H**
but I've run out of things to complain about.
**[05:52] H**
I thought I'd collect some
actual scary stories here
**[05:54] H**
and get this business on the road.
**[05:56] H**
Do you know of any?
**[05:58] Gin**
Scary stories?
**[06:00] Gin**
I hate those kinds of baseless
fabrications most of all.
**[06:04] H**
You can't handle them, right?
**[06:05] H**
So you should know better than
anyone what's scary and what's not.
**[06:08] Gin**
Th-They don't scare me at all.
**[06:10] H**
Tell me one, then.
**[06:12] H**
I'll split the profits with you, of course.
**[06:14] Kag**
Really?
**[06:15] Kag**
I'll tell you some stories I know, then.
**[06:17] H**
I need stuff that sends chills down the spine!
**[06:20] Kag**
Got it.
**[06:23] Kag**
In a land far, far away,
**[06:26] Kag**
there were five boys protecting a goddess.
**[06:29] Kag**
But one day,
**[06:36] Kag**
the goddess's chest was pierced
by an enemy's arrow,
**[06:39] Kag**
and the boys had to charge
into the enemy's base
**[06:42] Kag**
in order to save her life.
**[06:50] Kag**
And so, the boys had to climb
**[06:52] Kag**
this long-ass staircase leading
to the Houses of Zodiac
**[06:55] Kag**
for what seemed like an eternity,
**[06:56] Kag**
ruining their summer vacation.
**[06:58] H**
That's a stair-y story,
not a scary one!
***SIGN*** Stair-y Story
**[06:59] H**
And isn't that Saint Seiya?!
**[07:03] Kag**
Pitter patter, pitter patter...
**[07:08] Kag**
No matter how much they climbed,
there were no Houses in sight.
**[07:12] Kag**
"Huh? That's weird. How much
farther to the Houses?
**[07:15] Kag**
Are they in Another Dimension?"
**[07:18] Kag**
Pitter patter...
**[07:20] Kag**
But they still couldn't see the Houses.
**[07:22] H**
Try and sound like Inagawa Junji all
you want, it's still Saint Seiya!
**[07:25] H**
I want to hear *scary* stories!
**[07:28] H**
You know, the ones with shocking
twists like "it's you" at the end!
**[07:32] H**
Get a clue, would you?!
**[07:34] Kag**
It's... you!
**[07:37] H**
I didn't mean as a comic retort!
**[07:38] Kag**
Oh, okay.
***SIGN*** Sugar Content
**[07:39] Kag**
You want "it's you," right?
**[07:41] Kag**
You should've said so.
**[07:42] H**
I've been saying it all along.
**[07:45] Kag**
In a land far, far away,
**[07:47] Kag**
there were a pair of siblings who
were abandoned by their parents.
**[07:51] Kag**
They lived in poverty, but they
got by with each other's support.
**[07:55] Kag**
But one time, the younger brother fell ill,
**[07:59] Kag**
and with no money and no family to turn to,
**[08:02] Kag**
the older brother left him
at a shrine and ran away.
**[08:08] Kag**
Even though he'd convinced himself
that somebody would save his brother,
**[08:13] Kag**
the older brother was so scared,
he never went back to the shrine.
**[08:20] Kag**
Five years later,
**[08:21] Kag**
once he'd found a job and was
leading a stable lifestyle,
**[08:25] Kag**
he made up his mind to return to the shrine.
**[08:32] Kag**
Of course, he didn't see his
brother on the shrine grounds.
**[08:38] Kag**
Instead, he found a child
sobbing in front of the shrine.
**[08:43] Kag**
For some reason, the sight
reminded him of his brother.
**[08:47] Kag**
Unable to ignore the child,
he approached him.
**[08:52] Kag**
"Are you lost, kid?"
**[08:55] Kag**
"Where'd your mother go?"
**[08:57] Kag**
The boy didn't reply.
**[09:00] Kag**
"What about your father, then?"
**[09:02] Kag**
The boy didn't reply.
**[09:10] Kag**
"What about your brother, then?"
**[09:15] LB**
That
**[09:17] LB**
is a question you should be asking yourself,
**[09:19] LB**
brother!
**[09:24] LB**
Got you!
**[09:25] LB**
None can escape Andromeda's Web!
**[09:28] LB**
You will die with me here, brother!
**[09:35] BB**
Did you really think a puny web like
this could clip a phoenix's wings?
**[09:39] LB**
Brother?
**[09:45] BB**
Who's going to die here?
**[09:51] BB**
It's you!
**[09:57] H**
What kind of "it's you" usage is that?!
**[10:00] H**
Why'd it turn into Saint Seiya
at the crucial moment?!
**[10:02] Kag**
I'm pretty sure that's how
the story I heard went.
**[10:05] H**
That's not how you use "it's you"!
**[10:08] H**
When the little brother turns around...
**[10:10] LB**
It's you!
**[10:12] H**
Got it?
**[10:13] H**
Why does it end with the
older one firing back at him?
**[10:15] H**
What kinda scary story is that?
**[10:16] Gin**
Scary...
**[10:18] Gin**
Super scary!
**[10:19] H**
What part of that story made you freak out?!
**[10:21] Gin**
T-Toei Animation's gonna kill us!
**[10:25] H**
Okay, yeah, that's scary.
**[10:26] H**
Really scary.
**[10:28] Shin**
Close, but no cigar.
**[10:30] Shin**
Scary stories need to give people goosebumps.
**[10:33] Kag**
Huh? You got a problem, four-eyes?!
**[10:36] Kag**
Let's see you try, then!
**[10:38] Shin**
Everyone might've heard this one already...
**[10:41] H**
No problem. It's sure to be better
than Kagura-chan's stories, at least.
**[10:43] Kag**
Say what?!
**[10:44] Kag**
This better be real scary, or I'm
breaking your glasses and your shades!
**[10:51] Shin**
That...
**[10:55] Shin**
comes right after these ads.
**[11:01] Shin**
In a land far, far away,
**[11:03] Shin**
there was a husband and
wife, and their daughter,
**[11:05] Shin**
a family of three.
**[11:09] Shin**
But the couple's relationship was on the rocks,
**[11:12] Shin**
and perhaps due to that,
**[11:13] Shin**
the husband started having an affair,
**[11:16] Shin**
and before long, began considering
his wife's mere presence a bother.
**[11:24] Shin**
Perhaps what happened then
was the work of fate.
**[11:29] Shin**
In the midst of another fight,
**[11:31] Shin**
the husband was overcome with rage
**[11:38] Shin**
and murdered his wife.
**[11:41] Shin**
Before their daughter woke up,
**[11:44] Shin**
he carried his wife's body up the mountains,
and buried it there in the dead of night.
**[11:51] Shin**
On the way back,
**[11:53] Shin**
despite his relief at being freed of his wife,
**[11:57] Shin**
he felt his feet growing
more and more sluggish.
**[12:01] Shin**
The guilt of committing a
murder played a part,
**[12:04] Shin**
but most of all, his daughter
weighed heavily on his mind.
**[12:09] Shin**
What if she asked where her mother went?
**[12:13] Shin**
How was he supposed to face her from then on?
**[12:17] Shin**
The more he thought about it,
the heavier his body felt.
**[12:27] Shin**
Completely unaware of how he felt,
**[12:30] Shin**
the daughter woke up that morning
**[12:33] Shin**
with a smile on her face.
**[12:36] Shin**
She did not ask about her mother,
**[12:37] Shin**
but wore a beaming smile.
**[12:40] Shin**
Rather than making the husband relieved,
**[12:43] Shin**
that smile only made him uneasy.
**[12:45] Shin**
When he asked her why she was
in such a good mood, she said,
**[12:49] Shin**
"Because even though you two
were fighting all the time,
**[12:53] Shin**
it looks like you've finally made up."
**[12:56] Shin**
"Your mother's not here.
She's visiting her family."
**[12:59] Shin**
When her father inadvertently
uttered that lie,
**[13:01] Shin**
the daughter said in reply,
**[13:03] Shin**
"What are you saying, Dad?
**[13:05] Shin**
Mom's right there, clinging to your back."
**[13:11] Shin**
That's right...
**[13:12] Kag**
A Phoenix rises from the ashes over and over!
**[13:15] H**
Where the hell did Phoenix come from?!
**[13:18] Shin**
Kagura-chan! Could you not
shoehorn Phoenix into my story?!
**[13:21] Kag**
That was too cliched.
**[13:22] Kag**
Scary stories are all about adding
original elements to familiar stories.
**[13:27] H**
Original, my foot!
**[13:28] H**
That was totally a rip-off!
**[13:30] H**
Don't go adding stupid things!
**[13:31] H**
Cliched is fine!
**[13:33] H**
You know, stuff where a ghost
approaches someone and says
**[13:36] H**
"right behind you" at the
end is perfectly fine!
**[13:43] G**
Curses! Where did he go?!
**[13:48] Ph**
"Right behind you!"
**[13:49] H**
Why is Phoenix sneaking
around to the ghost's back?!
**[13:52] H**
That's the ghost's job! The ghost is
supposed to take the back!
**[13:57] G**
So this is Phoenix's bag.
**[13:59] H**
Why would she take his bag?!
**[14:03] Ph**
That's just an illusion.
**[14:04] Ph**
Looks like you fell for
my Demonic Illusion Fist.
**[14:06] H**
Enough with Phoenix already!
**[14:09] H**
He's so OP, he ruins scary
stories at Mach speed!
**[14:11] H**
Hey, tell her off, Gin-san.
**[14:15] Gin**
Before, it was To Love-Ru and
Kuroko people coming after us,
**[14:19] Gin**
and this time...
**[14:21] Gin**
This is bad!
**[14:21] Gin**
No amount of pastry boxes will be enough!
**[14:24] H**
There was something scarier
than scary stories!
***SIGN*** Sugar Content
**[14:27] Gin**
All right, fine.
**[14:28] Gin**
If I leave you guys to
your devices any longer,
**[14:30] Gin**
we'll only make more enemies.
**[14:32] Gin**
I'd rather deal with a
ghost than the Gold Saint.
**[14:40] Gin**
Allow me to present to you
a very special scary story.
**[14:43] Gin**
You said you were fine with the
"right behind you" types, right?
**[14:48] Gin**
In a land far, far away
lived a very wealthy lady.
**[14:53] Gin**
One day, she got a new
pegasus doll as a present,
**[14:59] Gin**
so she threw away her
unicorn doll named Jabu.
**[15:02] H**
This reeks of Seiya already!
**[15:04] H**
That's Lady Saori, isn't it?!
**[15:08] Gin**
One day,
**[15:10] Gin**
she was alone in her mansion
**[15:13] Gin**
when the ringing of the telephone
echoed through the hallways.
**[15:19] Gin**
She picked up the receiver, only to
hear a creepy voice from the other end.
**[15:23] J**
*Hello? It's me, Jabu.*
**[15:25] J**
*Why'd you throw me away?*
**[15:26] J**
*You'll pay for that.*
**[15:31] J**
*I'm heading over right now.*
**[15:36] G**
At first, the lady thought
it was just a prank call
**[15:39] G**
and laughed it off.
**[15:41] G**
However...
**[15:49] J**
*Hello? It's me, Jabu.*
**[15:50] J**
*I'm at the intersection on Third now.*
**[15:52] J**
*We'll see each other soon.*
**[15:55] S**
I-It can't be. It can't be Jabu.
**[15:57] S**
How could a fodder character who
was eliminated in volume three
**[16:00] S**
of the manga come back now?
**[16:02] S**
I don't believe it.
**[16:03] H**
What are you even talking about?!
**[16:05] G**
Paying no heed to the panicking
lady, the phone kept ringing.
**[16:11] J**
*Hello? It's me, Jabu.*
**[16:13] J**
*The signal just turned green.*
**[16:15] H**
Oh, I get it.
**[16:16] H**
He's gonna gradually get closer before
**[16:17] H**
saying he's right behind
her at the end, right?
**[16:22] J**
*Hello? It's me, Jabu.*
**[16:24] J**
*I just took a right at the intersection.*
**[16:29] J**
*Hello? It's me, Jabu.*
**[16:30] J**
*I'm at the intersection.*
**[16:31] H**
He's back at the intersection?
**[16:35] J**
*Hello? It's me, Jabu.*
**[16:36] J**
*I just took a left at the intersection.*
**[16:39] H**
His reports are getting too detailed!
**[16:40] H**
There's too much Jabu in this thing.
**[16:43] J**
*Hello? It's me, Jabu.*
**[16:44] J**
*I just got back to the intersection.*
**[16:46] H**
What does he mean, he got back?
**[16:47] H**
He's done nothing but wander around
the intersection for a while now!
**[16:50] J**
*Hello? It's me, Jabu.*
**[16:52] J**
*I'm in front of the police box.*
**[16:53] H**
He's lost, isn't he?
**[16:55] H**
Jabu's totally lost, isn't he?
**[16:57] H**
Is he gonna be all right?
**[16:58] H**
He's gonna make it, right?
**[17:02] J**
*Hello? It's me, Jabu.*
**[17:03] J**
*I just got to the airport.*
**[17:05] H**
He's coming by plane?!
**[17:06] H**
Was he really thrown that far away?!
**[17:08] H**
Just how long is this gonna take?!
**[17:12] J**
*Hello? It's me, Jabu.*
**[17:13] J**
*My horn just triggered a body search.*
**[17:16] H**
Who cares?! Hurry it up!
**[17:21] J**
*Hello?*
**[17:22] J**
* I apologize for calling at*
* this late hour. It's me, Jabu.*
**[17:25] J**
*Oh, not the unicorn. Just a horse.*
**[17:28] J**
*I'm really sorry for calling so many times.*
**[17:31] H**
He got his horn broken off!
**[17:33] H**
He's lost his edge and become much mellower!
**[17:35] J**
*Um, so about my promise to meet you...*
**[17:38] J**
* I'm in Morocco for personal reasons,*
* so I might not make it today.*
**[17:42] H**
Morocco?
**[17:43] H**
He lost his horn in Morocco?
**[17:46] J**
* Actually, where in heaven's*
* name are you, girl?*
**[17:48] J**
*Couldn't you have told me you were
moving? Gosh, that's* so *cold of you!*
**[17:53] H**
What the hell?! Why is he
talking all feminine now?!
**[17:55] H**
Is that what "losing his
horn" actually meant?
**[17:57] J**
*What? You're in Morocco, too?*
**[18:00] H**
Why is the lady helping Jabu out?!
**[18:03] J**
* She says to send her a selfie*
* with where I'm at right now.*
**[18:04] J**
* Hang on just a teensy-weensy*
* sec! I'll send it over ASAP!*
**[18:06] H**
Are you two friends or something?!
***SIGN*** Open Cancel
**[18:17] S**
I'm...
**[18:20] S**
right behind you!
**[18:24] H**
That's where you use it?!
**[18:25] H**
Instead of Jabu, the *lady*
says "right behind you"?
**[18:29] Gin**
But it'd be scary if Jabu said it.
**[18:31] H**
That's the point!
**[18:33] Gin**
Jabu got to meet the lady,
**[18:35] Gin**
and it turned into a
heartwarming scary story.
**[18:37] Gin**
All's well that ends well, right?
**[18:39] H**
That wasn't heartwarming or scary at all!
**[18:42] H**
Normally, Jabu would gradually draw closer
**[18:45] H**
and get all the way to her room!
**[18:53] H**
And then, the lady turns to
the last resort and cuts off
**[18:57] H**
the phone line.
**[19:07] H**
Just when she thinks she's saved...
**[19:12] J**
Milady. It's me, Jabu.
**[19:14] J**
I'm...
**[19:16] Ph**
It's you!
**[19:19] H**
We don't need the "it's you"!
**[19:20] H**
That was the punchline for
the previous scary story!
**[19:22] H**
This one's is "right behind you"!
**[19:25] Ph**
Right behind you!
**[19:27] H**
Not behind Phoenix!
**[19:29] H**
Just how many Phoenixes are there?!
**[19:31] Kag**
Like I told you,
**[19:33] Kag**
a Phoenix rises from the ashes over and over.
**[19:35] H**
Not that! Behind the lady...
**[19:38] Shin**
...Phoenix is clinging to your back.
**[19:40] H**
What the hell?! Enough of that!
**[19:43] Kag**
It's you!
**[19:45] H**
I told you, we used that punchline already!
**[19:47] Gin**
Right behind you!
**[19:50] Shin**
Phoenix is clinging.
**[19:53] Kag**
It's you!
**[19:54] Gin**
Right behind you!
**[19:55] Shin**
Phoenix is clinging.
**[19:56] Kag**
It's you!
**[19:58] Gin**
Right behind you!
**[19:58] Shin**
Phoenix is clinging.
**[19:59] Kag**
It's you!
**[20:01] Gin**
Right behind you!
**[20:02] Shin**
Phoenix is clinging.
**[20:03] Kag**
It's you!
**[20:04] Gin**
Right behind you!
**[20:05] Shin**
Phoenix is clinging.
**[20:06] Kag**
It's you!
**[20:07] Gin**
Right behind you!
**[20:07] H**
The scare in this case is a
staircase filled with Phoenixes?!
**[20:08] Shin**
Phoenix is clinging.
**[20:10] H**
Enough! I'm done asking you guys for help!
**[20:12] H**
I'd be better off making
something up myself—
**[20:33] Gin**
Hello?
**[20:35] P**
* Hello? Is this Sakata*
* Gintoki-san's residence?*
**[20:39] P**
*I'm calling from the Oedo Copyright Agency...*
**[20:44] H**
I'm at the intersection on Third right now.
**[21:55] G**
Hello, you've reached Sunrise—
**[21:56] G**
I mean, Bandai Namco Pictures.
**[22:00] G**
*Hello?*
**[22:01] G**
*I'm calling from the Copyright Agency...*
***SIGN*** Preview
**[23:37] Shin**
O Lady Robokko, please hear us.
**[23:39] Kag**
Will we be forgiven for our sins?
**[23:43] Gin**
Huh?
**[23:43] Gin**
Wait, after all this time...
**[23:46] Gin**
It's the shogun?!
**[23:48] Tam**
"Amen."
***SIGN*** Amen
***SIGN*** Man, that was terrifying!!!
***SIGN*** We nearly wet ourselves!!!
***SIGN*** Next episode, we repent for all kinds of mistakes
***SIGN*** by opening a "Confessional Booth"!