E275 - 9 + 1 = Yagyu Jyubei Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) SIGN    Between Man and Woman SIGN    Kyubei's Request: Make sure to watch this program in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV! [01:41] FT     Hey, samurai. [01:44] FT     Would you like your fortune told? [01:48] Kyu     Sorry, I'm not interested. [01:50] FT     I cannot make any guarantees as     to the accuracy of my fortunes, [01:54] FT     but I do have a keen eye for people, [01:57] FT     young lady. [02:00] FT     You cover yourself in the garb of men, [02:04] FT     but I can tell that your heart wavers. [02:07] FT     You are unsure whether you     should live as a woman or a man. [02:14] FT     I see. [02:15] FT     To keep your family tradition going,     you were raised as a boy, [02:18] FT     and you were unable to escape the role. [02:21] Kyu     Even so, I met good friends     who accept me for who I am, [02:26] Kyu     became aware of the female that,     without a doubt, resides in me, [02:30] Kyu     and gradually began to accept it, [02:33] Kyu     but the male habits ingrained in my body     prevent me from taking the next step [02:37] Kyu     out of embarrassment. [02:38] Kyu     That, and my lingering feelings     for a certain someone [02:42] Kyu     leave me still uncertain whether I wish to be [02:45] Kyu     a yuri character or a tomboy character. [02:48] FT     Then why don't you try becoming     a man in both body and mind? [02:52] Kyu     I-Is that even... [02:54] FT     It is possible, yes. [02:56] FT     If you truly desire it, [02:59] FT     I can change this world for you. [03:05] FT     Modern society is full of docile     men and proactive women, [03:09] FT     people who disregard their gender roles. [03:13] FT     You people must face up to     the sex you've been given [03:18] FT     and understand the roles God assigned to you. [03:22] FT     To that end, maybe you should     lose those roles once. [03:27] Kyu     Sorry to say this after you lent me an ear, [03:28] Kyu     but I'm not interested in joining your cult. [03:33] FT     Do you wish to become a man? [03:36] Kyu     Stop it! [03:37] Kyu     I'm not about to stoop to escapism! [03:40] FT     You wish to escape the reality     that you are a woman. [03:44] FT     Is that correct? [03:45] Kyu     That's enough! [03:47] Kyu     If you can change     the world, then do it. [03:48] Kyu     But don't stir up people's hearts with     words you can't follow through on! [03:52] FT     That was a "yes," I take it? [03:58] FT     Now, behold. [04:00] FT     Our universal god, Lord Dekobokko,     shall bring judgment down upon you! [04:05] FT     This town will be reborn, [04:08] FT     and you will have a new sex     in that brand new world. [04:11] FT     I can hardly wait to see     how you will live with it. [04:27] G     Are you okay? [04:28] G     What was that light just now? [04:33] Jyu     Hey. [04:34] Jyu     What just happened? [04:37] Jyu     What was with that fortune teller? [04:40] Jyu     Was that light just now her doing? [04:42] Jyu     It can't be. [04:45] Jyu     My body feels heavy. [04:47] Jyu     Is it my imagination,     or have I gained weight? [04:56] Jyu     Oh, pardon me for staring. [04:59] Jyu     It's just, your clothes are     so similar to mine... [05:04] Jyu     Wh-Why? [05:05] Jyu     Wh-Why can't I look up? [05:08] Jyu     It's not unheard of for people     to wear similar outfits, right? [05:11] Jyu     But is it normal for even     the eyepatch to be the same? [05:14] Jyu     Is it some kind of costume? [05:15] Jyu     Oh, he must be a cosplay party animal. [05:19] Jyu     B-But if I look up and see     the party animal again... [05:24] Jyu     No, that's impossible. [05:26] Jyu     The very thought is preposterous. [05:28] Jyu     I'm not a man. [05:29] Jyu     And I'm not a woman, either. [05:31] Jyu     I'm... [05:33] Jyu     I'm Yagyu Kyu— [05:40] Jyu     I've become Jyubei. [05:42] Jyu     Kyubei's grown an unfamiliar extra rod! [05:44] Jyu     I've become Yagyu Jyubei! SIGN    9 + 1 = Yagyu Jyubei [05:52] Jyu     N-No way. [05:54] Jyu     This can't be! [05:57] Jyu     I won't accept this! [05:58] Jyu     I won't accept such a thing! [06:00] Jyu     I... [06:06] Gin     What are you doing, bro? [06:08] Gin     You'll hurt yourself. [06:09] Jyu     I'm not a bro! [06:10] Jyu     I'm— [06:15] Jyu     F-Forgive me! [06:17] Gin     What? [06:17] Gin     Why are you apologizing for     touching a man's chest? [06:21] Jyu     B-But it just went "boing"... [06:24] Gin     Boing? [06:25] Gin     Huh? What the hell? [06:32] Jyu     Don't tell me... [06:33] Gin     Are you... SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan SIGN    Toilet [06:43] Jyu     How'd it go? [06:47] Gin     It's been so long since I last saw one! [06:48] Jyu     That's the issue here?! [06:50] Gin     How did it come to this... [06:52] Gin     Er, you're Kyubei, right? [06:55] Jyu     Call me Jyubei now. SIGN    Sugar Content [06:58] Jyu     As for you, would Ginko-san be all right? [07:01] Gin     Nah, call me Vagin— [07:04] Jyu     You saw that light, too, didn't you? [07:07] Jyu     That's probably the cause. [07:11] Gin     Y-You gotta be kidding me. [07:13] Gin     You're saying everyone who was     exposed to that light swapped genders? [07:18] Gin     And this is happening all over     the Kabuki District as we speak? [07:21] Jyu     Yes, unfortunately. [07:22] Gin     So, basically... [07:25] Gin     I should fondle these boobs     while I still can, huh? [07:27] Jyu     Where did that come from?! [07:29] Gin     But, you know, dreams never go all the way. [07:32] Gin     They peter out just as you     get to the good stuff. [07:34] Jyu     This is not a dream! [07:35] Jyu     It's reality! [07:37] Kag     Gin-chan! [07:38] Gin     Kagura! [07:39] Jyu     Was Kagura-chan exposed to that light, too? [07:41] Kag     Help! [07:42] Kag     Help me! [07:43] Kag     Make it go away! [07:44] Kag     It's over there! [07:47] Gin     Oh, it was just a roach?     Don't scare me like that. [07:51] Kag     So creepy. [07:55] Gin     You're the creepy one here! [07:57] Gin     Before crying about roaches, take a     good look at your roach of a face! [08:01] Kag     Oh, so you guys swapped genders, too. [08:04] Gin     Yours goes far beyond that! [08:06] Gin     There's no trace of the original     you! What's with the eye scar?! [08:09] Kag     When I woke up from my nap and     went to the restroom earlier, [08:11] Kag     I found something weird     hanging from my crotch. [08:14] Kag     But don't worry. I got rid of it already. [08:17] Kag     I got it! [08:18] Gin     What the hell did you do?! [08:19] Kag     "Essence of my father, blood of my mother, SIGN    Essence of my father,     blood of my mother,     I cannot throw this away. [08:21] Kag     I cannot throw this away!" [08:23] Gin     Who are you, Xiahou Dun? [08:24] Gin     Did you eat it like he ate his eyeball? [08:26] Gin     Also, getting rid of your     balls hasn't solved anything! [08:29] Gin     Your face practically screams "I have a pair"! [08:33] Kag     Such is war. [08:35] Kag     Even if you render the enemy     general impotent and win, [08:37] Kag     only sorrow will remain in     the hearts of the populace. [08:39] Gin     She hasn't turned into a "he"     so much as a "hero." SIGN    He SIGN    Hero [08:43] Jyu     She was affected even though     she was napping at home? [08:46] Jyu     Anyway, we should keep people     away from the Kabuki District. [08:48] Jyu     Contact Shinpachi-kun. [08:50] Kag     Leave that mission to me. [08:53] Kag     Let's go, Sekitobaharu! [08:57] Gin     Hold it right there! SIGN    Sekitobaharu     (Red Hare-haru) [08:59] Gin     What do you mean, Sekitobaharu?! [09:02] Gin     Is that Sadaharu?! [09:04] Gin     Forget genders, he's swapped species! [09:07] Gin     Why has he been made accomplice     to your military style?! [09:10] Shin     I'm back. [09:12] Shin     Did you see that light before, Gin-san? [09:14] Shin     The entire town's in an uproar. [09:17] Jyu     Oh, no. [09:18] Gin     Were we too late? [09:20] Shin     Who are you people? [09:22] Shin     Don't just barge into other people's houses! [09:26] Gin     Shinpachi! [09:26] Jyu     Shinpachi-kun! [09:29] Jyu     We were too late! [09:30] Gin     Damn it all! [09:32] Gin     How could this be?! [09:33] Gin     Shinpachi's... [09:34] Gin     Shinpachi's frame turned pink! [09:38] Gin     He's become so feminine! [09:41] Shin     Uh, that's not Shinpachi. [09:42] Kag     Curse you, Zhuge Liang! [09:44] Shin     Uh, he has nothing to do with this. [09:45] Jyu     How am I supposed to tell Tae-chan? [09:48] Shin     I don't know what's going on, but I     do know that you guys piss me off. [09:52] Jyu     The whole town is in chaos. SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan [09:55] Jyu     It seems like there were more     casualties than we thought. [10:00] (Flashback) FT     If you truly desire it, [10:03] (Flashback) FT     I can change this world for you. [10:07] Jyu     It might be my fault. [10:10] Jyu     This whole situation might be my doing. [10:18] PA     Emergency alert. [10:21] PA     The Kabuki District has been     placed under martial law. [10:27] PA     People in the vicinity are to follow     the government officials' instructions [10:30] PA     and leave the area as quickly as possible. [10:34] PA     All those in the district     are to wait for orders. [10:37] PA     Do not leave, under any circumstances. [10:52] W     Hey! Let us outta here! [10:55] G     I don't want to stay in an old man's body! [10:59] Gin     Every way out's been blocked off completely. [11:02] Gin     Guess we're trapped in     here with these bodies. SIGN    Yagyu Kyubei (M) [11:07] Jyu     Is the government trying to     keep the damage from spreading [11:11] Jyu     by putting us under quarantine? SIGN    Sakata Gintoki (F) [11:13] Gin     Nah, they might just be trying to     literally cover up this problem. SIGN    Sekitobaharu (F) Kagura (M) [11:17] Kag     Is it that cursed Zhuge Liang's trap?! SIGN    Pink Glasses [11:20] Shin     Why am I the clearly the odd one out?! [11:22] Shin     Why did only my glasses get a makeover?! [11:24] Shin     Also, are you guys really Gin-san and gang? [11:27] Gin     Give it a rest. I told     you that I'm now Vagin— [11:30] Jyu     Call us Ginko-san and Jyubei. [11:32] Shin     But how am I supposed to believe you? [11:35] Shin     This can't be Kagura-chan. [11:37] Kag     I'm not Kagura-chan. SIGN    Kagura Dun [11:39] Kag     Call me Kagura Dun, whelp! [11:40] Shin     Who the hell is Kagura Dun?! [11:42] Shin     That's not even the same character anymore! [11:45] Shin     Wh-What's that? [11:47] FTAB     People of Earth. [11:49] FTAB     Have you graciously accepted     your gift from God? [11:53] Jyu     That's... [11:54] AB     What has happened to your     bodies is an undeniable fact. [12:00] AB     It is a trial that God has bestowed upon you. [12:03] AB     Until now, you people have     been neglecting your genders. [12:09] AB     Frail men who escape to anime and     games out of a fear of getting hurt. [12:15] AB     Haughty women who lord over men     under the pretext of gender equality. [12:20] AB     Lord Dekobokko is most     saddened and angered by this. [12:25] AB     If you are so discontent with     the sex you have been granted, [12:29] AB     then he feels you should swap them and     try living a new life with a new sex. [12:35] AB     Should you Earth people adopt     Dekobokkoism as your state religion [12:39] AB     and exhibit the will to remain     faithful to your genders, [12:42] AB     God will forgive all your sins     and turn you back to normal. [12:48] AB     But if you continue to defy his teachings, [12:52] AB     then his light of judgment shall fall [12:55] AB     not only on the Kabuki District,     but on this entire planet. [13:00] AB     Do not forget. We are always watching you. [13:08] W     What was that just now? [13:10] G     What's the meaning of this? [13:12] Gin     Enough with the jokes already. [13:15] Gin     Lord Dekobokko? [13:16] Gin     I can't go back to normal     unless I act feminine? [13:18] Gin     Who in their right mind     would believe that crap? [13:22] Gin     That aside, Pachie, [13:23] Gin     wanna hit up the photo booth at the arcade? [13:25] Shin     You clearly believe it! [13:27] Shin     Who do you think you are,     a high school girl?! [13:29] Gin     Quit being so wary, Pachie. [13:31] Gin     It's 'cause you're so uptight     that you can't get a boyfriend. [13:34] Shin     I don't want a boyfriend! [13:35] Shin     And I'm not Pachie! [13:37] Gin     You got it all wrong, girl. [13:39] Gin     Apparently there's this hot     new photo booth where [13:41] Gin     you can take pictures with a     total cutie-patootie mascot. SIGN    1,000 yen a pop SIGN    1,000 yen a pop [13:46] Kag     Welcome! [13:47] Kag     Right now, you have the chance to take     pictures with me, Lord Dekobokko. [13:50] Kag     Gosh, you are such a cutie pie! [13:52] Shin     Don't collaborate with the     zealots to make money! [13:55] Kag     In these chaotic times, [13:57] Kag     people don't have the strength to     live without a pillar of faith. [14:02] Kag     'Tis also a lord's duty to accept     the weakness of his people. [14:05] Shin     Nobody's gonna accept how     weak your brains are! [14:08] W     It's Lord Dekobokko! [14:10] W     If you take a picture with him,     you can go back to normal! [14:12] G     Let me take one too, Lord Dekobokko! [14:15] Jyu     Calm down, everyone! [14:16] Shin     This is basically a riot! [14:18] W     Out of the way! I'm going first! [14:20] G     No, I am! [14:22] Tae     Um, could you let me through? [14:25] G     You're in the way! [14:33] Jyu     Didn't you hear me telling you to calm down? [14:38] Jyu     Are you all right, miss? [14:40] Jyu     You're not hurt, are you? [14:41] Tae     I-I'm fine. [14:44] Tae     Thank you for saving m— [14:51] Jyu     T-Tae-chan? [14:53] Tae     Are you... [14:55] Tae     Kyu-chan? [14:58] Shin     I can't believe you were in     the Kabuki District too, Sis. [15:01] Shin     But then, why is your body unchanged? [15:05] Gin     You're being rude, Pachie. [15:07] Gin     Look at her chest.     It's as flat as Sekigahara. [15:09] Gin     It's been razed to the grou— [15:11] Tae     I hate to break it to you, but     I only came here after the fact. [15:16] Tae     The uproar on TV got me worried,     so I decided to check on Odd Jobs, [15:20] Tae     but I got locked in here instead. [15:23] Tae     Now I find Gin-san with this massive rack. [15:27] Tae     Good for you. [15:29] Tae     You can fondle them to your heart's content. [15:30] Gin     O-Ow! You're gonna rip my boob off! [15:33] Tae     And speaking of surprises, [15:36] Tae     I find this fabulous man, [15:39] Tae     and it turned out to be Kyu-chan. [15:42] Shin     Sis, now is not the time for that. [15:45] Jyu     I-I'm not Kyubei, but Jyubei, her brother. [15:48] Jyu     I'm currently looking for a girlfriend. [15:49] Shin     Quit trying to take advantage of this crisis! [15:52] Gin     Is this seriously your type of guy, Otae? [15:54] Gin     Jyubei's cute and all, but doesn't he     seem like a total De Astini type? [15:59] Gin**     Like the publisher, he'll be nice until     you start a relationship, but then... [16:01] Shin     And you, quit ignoring the crisis for     a session of high school girls' talk! [16:04] Kag     No, while it's true that De Astini serialized     the Records of the Three Kingdoms... [16:09] Shin**     Nobody was talking about you! [16:11] Shin     Have you heard of Dekobokkoism? [16:14] Shin     It's an extremist religious cult that's     on all the interspace wanted lists. [16:18] Shin     The core members are all hermaphrodites, [16:21] Shin     or people who are both male and female. [16:24] Shin     As such, they've adopted a very     strict doctrine about gender. [16:29] Shin     Men must be manly, and women feminine,     or they'll be subject to divine punishment. [16:34] Shin     I'd heard they'd been propagating     such beliefs on various planets, [16:38] Shin     but I never knew it'd be like this. [16:40] Shin     I have no idea how they did it, [16:42] Shin     but unless we do something about them, [16:43] Shin     none of us will go back to normal. [16:46] Gin     That's easier said that done. [16:48] Gin     Not only do have no clue where they are,      but we can't leave this town, either. [16:52] Tae     Also, they said they're always watching us, [16:55] Tae     so they must have a wide     surveillance network. [16:58] Tae     If we do anything stupid,     we'll put all of Earth in danger. [17:02] Gin     That's right! [17:04] Gin     They've taken the Earth and my pair hostage. [17:06] Gin     Three balls in total! [17:07] Shin     What do we do, then? [17:09] Gin     Well, let the government handle     the state religion mess. [17:13] Gin     The more pressing matter we face now is... [17:16] Gin     How to pee! [17:17] Shin     Who cares?! [17:19] Gin     I do! [17:20] Gin     We don't know where and how     they could be watching us. [17:23] Gin     So until things get fixed,     I gotta act feminine! [17:27] Gin     And provided I learn the     right way to pee now, [17:28] Gin     even if I find someone peeing     wrong while I'm peeing, [17:31] Gin     I can teach them the right way to pee— [17:33] Shin     Enough! [17:34] Shin     How many times are you     gonna say the word pee?! [17:35] Gin     I'll cut to the chase. [17:37] Gin     How do I take a leak the feminine way? [17:39] Jyu     H-How? J-Just do it normally. [17:43] Gin     What's that supposed to mean? [17:44] Gin     Do you know how to take a manly leak? [17:47] Jyu     There's nothing manly or     feminine in using the toilet! [17:50] Jyu     I'm telling you to do it normally. [17:52] Gin     And I'm telling you I     don't get what's normal. [17:55] Gin     Do you mean something like this? [17:57] Tae     Excuse us. [17:58] Tae     We need to visit the washroom. [18:01] Gin     Say, Otae. [18:03] Gin     Who are you gunning for? [18:05] Gin     For starters, that lame four-eyes     is out of the question, right? [18:08] Gin     I mean, pink glasses? Seriously? [18:10] Shin     Who cares about that part?! [18:12] Shin     Why are you playing a scene     right out of a mixer?! [18:14] Kyu     Hold it! [18:16] Kyu     Why are you trying to stroll into     the women's toilet with Tae-chan? [18:19] Gin     What else can I do? I am a woman right now! [18:21] Gin     And this way, I can ask her how to do it! [18:23] Shin     What kind of perverted things     are you trying to make Sis do?! [18:26] Shin     It'd paint a horrible picture! [18:28] Kag     Oh, all right. [18:30] Kag     I'll teach you. [18:31] Shin     That'd paint an even worse picture! [18:33] ???     Um, if you'd like... [18:36] ???     I can teach you. [18:40] ???     Formerly men, now women. [18:43] ???     It shouldn't be a problem when     we're both in the same boat, right? [18:46] Shin     Huh? You were a man, too? [18:48] Shin     I-I can't believe it. [18:50] ???     At times like these, we need     to help each other out. [18:54] ???     At first, I had no idea what to do either, [18:57] ???     but it's easy once you get used to it. [18:59] Gin     She may have formerly been a man, [19:01] Gin     but should I really be making     such a sexy lady do this? [19:05] Gin     It's fine. It's out of my hands. [19:07] Gin     Besides, this is Gintama! [19:09] ???     I just did it normally over there. [19:13] Gin     Uh, sorry. [19:15] Gin     Small, not big. [19:17] ???     Small? [19:18] ???     I was pretty pent-up, so I'd say     it was a pretty big one myself. [19:22] Gin     That's not what I meant. [19:24] Gin     But before all that, isn't     that outdoor defecation? [19:27] ???     More like an out-of-the-box du— [19:28] Gin     It's outdoor defecation, isn't it? [19:30] ???     I didn't know whether to use the     men's or the women's toilet, [19:34] ???     so I took a freedom du— [19:35] Gin     No matter how much you deny it,     it's outdoor defecation, isn't it? [19:38] ???     Forgive me. [19:40] ???     I was following someone, so I didn't     have time to look for a toilet. [19:43] ???     Oh, despite how I look, I'm a policeman. [19:48] ???     Though it wasn't a criminal I was following, [19:51] ???     but Otae-san. SIGN    Kondo Isao (F) [19:54] Gin     So it was outdoor defecation. [19:56] Tae     What the hell do you think you're doing?! [20:01] Tae     How'd a gorilla turn into     a Takarazuka Revue beauty? [20:04] Tae     Why does he have these huge knockers?! [20:09] Kon     Ow! You're gonna rip my boob off! [20:12] Shin     Is that seriously Kondo-san? [20:15] Kon     Forgive me, Otae-san. [20:16] Kon     I didn't want you to see me like this, [20:20] Kon     but when I saw you in trouble,     I just couldn't leave you alone. [20:23] Kon     The thing is, I... [20:25] Kon     Frankly, I'm sexier than you— [20:28] PA     Heretics spotted. [20:30] Gin     Hey! We really were being watched! [20:33] Gin     What was the problem? [20:35] Gin     The outdoor defecation? Otae? [20:36] Gin     There's so many things it could be,     I can't tell which one it is! [20:39] Shin     Anyway, we need to run away! [20:40] C     Capture the heretics. [20:44] C     Capture the heretics. [20:47] Shin     Oh, no. We're surrounded. [20:49] Gin     Hey, cop! Do something about this! [20:52] Kon     D-Don't worry. [20:54] Kon     Th-The government hasn't abandoned this town. [20:57] Kon     I didn't come here just to follow Otae-san. [21:01] Kon     I infiltrated this place in order to guide [21:03] Kon     the special new unit that has     the mission of saving the town! [21:09] Oki     Let's go, you louts. SIGN    Okita Sogo (F) [21:13] Oki     Cunsengumi, move out. SIGN    Shinsengumi (F) [21:17] Shin     It's just a group of     gender-swapped special idiots! [21:20] Shin     What the hell are you doing?     Aren't you supposed to be cops?! [21:24] Tae     Hey, what is with all of you? [21:27] Tae     Are you messing with me?! [21:29] Oki     Over there, boss lady!     The enemy's over there! [21:32] Tae     Well, your breasts are my enemies! [21:36] Oki     This is bad, Hijikata-san! [21:37] Oki     There's an unexpected enemy! [21:38] Oki     She's gonna take us out, Hijikata-san! [21:42] Hij     How stupid. [21:44] Hij     I'd love to give these annoying     lumps away if I could. SIGN    Hijikata Toshiro (F) [21:54] Tae     Thank you. [21:55] Hij     What the hell's that supposed to mean?! SIGN    To Be Continued SIGN    Preview [23:31] Hij     Why am I the only one who looks like this? [23:34] Oki     It's all the mayonnaise     calories you accumulated. [23:37] ???     Sheesh. I'm fed up with the men of this town. [23:40] ???     Begone, you pigs. [23:42] Gin     Next Episode: "Calories Come Back to Bite     You Just When You've Forgotten About Them." SIGN    Calories Come Back to Bite You Just     When You've Forgotten About Them [23:45] Jyu     Why am I feeling joy in this situation? SIGN    Preview SIGN    With all the changed, unchanged, SIGN    and slightly changed people, SIGN    you'd think there'd be chaos on the scene, SIGN    but everyone seems surprisingly into it.