E266 - You Can Never Pause at the Perfect Time Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) SIGN    Begins Shortly SIGN    Mr. Sakata Gintoki's Public Apology [00:08] Kag     We're here live at the press conference     where Mr. Sakata Gintoki [00:11] Kag     is about to issue a public apology for     the return of the Gintama anime. [00:46] Kag     We seem to be running a little late. SIGN    Please watch this press conference in a bright room     and at a safe distance from your TV. [00:57] Kag     He doesn't seem to be here yet... [01:01] Kag     Oh, there he is! SIGN    Caution: Cameras flashing [01:15] Gin     Thank you for taking the time out of     your busy schedules to be here today. SIGN    Caution: Cameras flashing [01:22] Gin     In light of the Gintama anime's recent failures, [01:28] Gin     I, Sakata Gintoki, the protagonist, [01:30] Gin     am here to represent all the     producers and staff of the show [01:33] Gin     in publicly apologizing at this press conference. [01:38] Gin     First of all, for not ending     with the final chapter... [01:42] Gin     We're very sorry! SIGN    Caution: Cameras flashing [01:55] Shin     Mind if I ask some questions? [01:57] Gin     Go ahead. [02:00] Shin     Firstly, could you tell us a     bit about how this happened? SIGN    Caution: Cameras flashing [02:04] Shin     It's too early to be crying! [02:06] Shin     You haven't said anything yet! [02:09] Gin     I was in disbelief that the movie made     1.7 billion yen at the box office! [02:14] Gin     I had no words to express how     thankful I was to all our viewers! [02:21] Gin     But then those money mongers in     suits started coming for us again, [02:27] Gin     and before I knew it, we went from     Sunrise to something else entirely! [02:31] Gin     What's more, the producer couldn't     abandon his womanizing ways! [02:34] Gin     But the thing is... [02:36] Gin     You people don't understand anything! [02:38] Gin     What could you possibly     know about the producer?! [02:40] Shin     I have no idea what you're talking about! [02:42] Gin     As such, there's something     I need to tell you all today, [02:47] Gin     and here's what it is... [02:55] Gin     There. We apologized. [02:56] Gin     Gintama will be resuming now, then. [02:58] Shin     Screw you! [02:58] Gin     Psycho-Pass! SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan [04:38] Oto     I'm only gonna say this once, stupid curly! [04:41] Oto     You'll cough up this and last month's rent, [04:43] Oto     and you'll do it right now, even if     you have to sell your kidneys! [05:04] Gin     Uh, Gran? [05:11] Gin     Look... [05:13] Gin     I get it. [05:16] Gin     I see the wrinkles on your forehead,     and your quiet intensity. [05:19] Gin     You'll get your rent and     kidneys next month, okay? [05:26] Gin     Gran? Hello? [05:28] Gin     You listening to me? [05:32] Gin     Knock it off, you old hag! [05:34] Gin     You're being annoying! [05:35] Gin     How long are you gonna keep     that filthy expression up?! [05:38] Gin     Spare a thought for our viewers at home! [05:40] Gin     They can't handle your mug     for more than three second— SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan Snack Otose [06:05] Gin     Uh, this is... [06:08] Gin     Pachi-boy! [06:10] Gin     Kagura! [06:14] Both     Gin-san...     Gin-chan... [06:16] Kag     I knew it. [06:23] Shin     Everything's [06:26] Shin     stopped moving. [06:30] Kag     People, animals, objects, all of it. [06:33] Gin     So, you're saying... [06:36] Gin     It's all frozen? SIGN    Sugar Content [06:39] Gin     Not just people or objects, [06:43] Gin     but time itself? SIGN    You Can Never Pause at the Perfect Time [06:55] Gin     Sure is quiet. [06:57] Gin     It's almost as if we're the only     people in the entire world. [07:01] Gin     But now is the time to stay calm. [07:04] Gin     Let's analyze this situation with cool heads. [07:07] Gin     Basically, what this means is... [07:10] Gin     We don't have to pay rent anymore. [07:13] Shin     This is not the time for that crap! [07:16] Gin     It also means your paydays     will never come again. [07:20] Kag     Screw you! That's illegal! [07:21] Kag     Time hasn't stopped for us! [07:24] Gin     Maybe it hasn't, [07:25] Gin     but our water and gas supply sure has. [07:28] Shin     That was your fault, not time's! [07:31] Shin     Also, who cares about that right now? [07:33] Shin     Time has been frozen in its tracks! [07:35] Shin     We're the only ones not affected by it! [07:37] Shin     And the anime only just resumed, too! [07:39] Shin     How did things end up like this?! [07:42] Gin     I'm not sure what's going on, [07:44] Gin     but just when I thought I'd gotten     my hands on an unusual clock, [07:47] Gin     it immediately became useless. [07:50] Shin     Huh? Why are you worried about that? [07:52] Kag     Gin-chan, what is that? [07:55] Gin     Isn't it weird? [07:57] Gin     I'm pretty sure it's a clock. [07:59] Gin     I thought I could sell it for a nice profit. [08:01] Shin     Where did you get that? [08:03] Gin     I was wasted, so my memory's a bit hazy, [08:08] Gin     but on my way home     after drinking last night... [08:15] Gin     I found it lying in the street. [08:17] Shin     There's something way more     crazy lying next to it! [08:21] Gin     Come to think of it, I saw a drunkard on     the ground with his face all flushed, too. [08:25] Shin     He wasn't drunk! [08:27] Shin     He was bleeding! [08:29] (Flashback) A     P-Please... [08:32] (Flashback) A     Take care of that for us... [08:35] (Flashback) A     Protect the Universal Clock in our stead. [08:43] (Flashback) A     It's an ancient clock from the age     of the gods that has controlled time [08:48] (Flashback) A     on billions of worlds since     the birth of the universe. [08:53] (Flashback) A     We, the Watchmen of Time,     have guarded it for generations, [08:57] (Flashback) A     but we're incapable of doing so anymore. [09:00] (Flashback) A     If that clock were to fall     into the hands of humans, [09:02] (Flashback) A     the universe's flow of     time would be disrupted. [09:04] (Flashback) A     It would surely cause a massive disaster! [09:07] (Flashback) A     I beg of you! [09:08] (Flashback) A     Seal the clock where no     human can ever find— [09:15] Shin     He's not even listening     to the most important bit! [09:17] Shin     Don't! Giving him the clock     is a really bad idea! SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan [09:23] (Flashback) Gin     Ugh, I feel sick. [09:26] (Flashback) Gin     My head hurts... [09:29] (Flashback) Gin     I can't sleep... [09:35] (Flashback) Gin     Morning already... [09:38] (Flashback) Gin     I haven't gotten a wink of sleep... [09:44] (Flashback) Gin     Shut up! I've been up for ages already! [09:51] Shin     It's all your damn fault! [09:56] Shin     What is wrong with you?! [09:58] Shin     How could you mistake such a valuable     object for an alarm clock and destroy it?! [10:02] Kag     So what are you telling me, moron? [10:04] Kag     That the guys protecting this     clock got into an accident, [10:07] Kag     so it ended up in the hands of an     idiot, leading to this situation? [10:10] Shin     Yeah. It sounds unbelievable, [10:13] Shin     but that clock's the embodiment     of the universe's flow of time. [10:16] Shin     The reason we're the only ones unaffected... [10:22] (Flashback) Gin     Shut up! I've been up for ages already! [10:26] Shin     ...is probably because we were     nearby when it got destroyed. [10:31] Shin     Maybe it doesn't affect time in     the direct vicinity of its user. [10:35] Shin     Either way, we have to fix this clock, [10:39] Shin     or the world's time will stay frozen, [10:42] Shin     and the three of us will be left stranded     in a different plane of time for eternity! [10:49] Shin     What do we do?! [10:51] Shin     We can't even ask for help!     Everyone else is frozen in place! [10:54] Shin     There's nothing we can do! [10:56] Shin     Our world is done for! And so are we! [10:58] Shin     We're finished in the very first episode! [11:01] Gin     Pachi-boy, nothing will come of being     pessimistic when your back is to the wall. [11:05] Gin     A samurai must think positively at all times. [11:09] Gin     If he does, he is sure to     find a golden opportunity. [11:11] Shin     That's rich, coming from the     samurai who destroyed the world! [11:14] Gin     Sure, the world might stay frozen in     place forever if we don't do something, [11:19] Gin     but look at it from another perspective! [11:22] Gin     You've gained the privilege of fondling     Otsu-chan's boobs forever! [11:27] Gin     What kind of golden opportunity is that?! [11:30] Gin     You can be pessimistic after you've     fondled her for about 30,000 years. [11:33] Gin     The idea that that's all I     can do for 30,000 years [11:35] Gin     makes me nothing but pessimistic! [11:36] Gin     Her boobs would fall off! [11:38] Gin     Besides, do you really think I'd     take advantage of this situation [11:40] Gin     to do something that disgusting? [11:43] Gin     I'll keep it to three hours. [11:45] Gin     All right! [11:46] Gin     Then I'll go after Ketsuno Ana's a— SIGN    Bank of Edo [11:52] Kag     Now that I'm a Watchman of Time, don't     think I'll let you scum do as you please. [11:57] Kag     Stop fooling around and start     robbing that totally unguarded bank. [12:02] Gin     W-Wait, Kagura. [12:04] Gin     Do you really think I     came here for no reason? SIGN    Doll House SIGN    Doll House [12:13] Kag     Old man Gengai's place? [12:15] Kag     Are you stupid? [12:17] Kag     Yeah, normally he'd be     able to repair anything. [12:21] Kag     But look at that stupid face,     with his finger frozen up his nose. [12:24] Kag     What could he possibly do? [12:27] Gin     That's right. [12:28] Gin     No matter what we try, it'll all be futile     unless time starts flowing again. [12:33] Gin     In that case, we just need     to make it flow ourselves. [12:38] Gin     This clock can't function     automatically right now, [12:41] Gin     but we can manually move     its hands with our fingers. [12:45] Gin     In other words... [12:47] Gin     We can't get time to flow actively again, [12:52] Gin     but we can force it along [12:57] Gin     and jump to a certain point in the future. [13:02] Gin     And then we... [13:05] Kag     I get it, Gin-chan! [13:07] Kag     We leave this booger geezer the clock,     along with a note or something. SIGN    Please fix this clock. -Odd Jobs [13:14] Shin     And then, if we move the     clock's hands forward... [13:23] Kag     We'll reach a future where he's fixed the clock! [13:26] Kag     The world will be back to normal! [13:28] Kag     You're amazing, Gin-chan! [13:30] Kag     I never even imagined we could     use it like a time machine! [13:33] Gin     That's right. [13:34] Gin     While time's still frozen, SIGN    Marriage Registration Form Sakata Gintoki Ketsuno Christel [13:36] Gin     I just need to get the paperwork done. SIGN    Today's     Weather [13:39] Ch     Good morning, everyone! [13:41] Ch     Let's get right to today's— SIGN    Today's Husband [13:52] Gin     A future where I get to dock with     Ketsuno Ana's ketsunoana (asshole) awaits! [13:56] Gin     All right. You can turn the clock now. [13:58] Shin     You were talking about Ketsuno Ana?! [14:00] Shin     Knock it off already! [14:02] Shin     Don't go around forging documents! [14:04] Shin     What happened to fixing the clock?! [14:06] Gin     Huh? We can? [14:07] Shin     With the same method you     were plotting evil with! [14:10] Shin     Why don't you use that scheming brain     of yours for society's betterment?! [14:13] Kag     Shinpachi, what's that paper in your hand? SIGN    Boob Fondling Coupons Fondle Fondle Fondle Fondle [14:15] Kag     What the hell are boob fondling coupons? [14:21] Kag     Forget it. [14:22] Kag     I know better than to rely on you scumbags. [14:25] Kag     I'll do it myself. SIGN    Please fix this clock. -Kagura [14:28] Kag     All that's left is to move the hands forward. [14:31] Kag     The geezer will take care of the rest. [14:35] Kag     Now that I look closer, there are     a bunch of clocks on this thing. [14:39] Kag     Which hand should I move? [14:41] Gin     How is anybody supposed to know? [14:44] Shin     Could it have clocks that go     by units of days or years? [14:48] Shin     We'd better be careful. [14:51] Kag     We have no choice but to move it just     a little bit and see what happens. [14:56] Kag     Huh? This is pretty stiff! [15:02] Kag     Well? Did anything change? [15:04] Gin     Guess nothing will happen while     he's still picking his nose. [15:07] Gin     Try moving it further forward. [15:19] Both     That's too far! [15:22] Shin     What are you doing, Kagura-chan?! [15:24] Shin     You tried too hard! [15:25] Shin     We went past Gengai-san's lifespan! [15:27] Kag     It's your fault for rushing me. [15:29] Kag     And this clock uses some weird     mechanism based on five-minute units. [15:32] Kag     I can't tell how far to move it. [15:34] Gin     Maybe you moved the one that goes by     years and sent us far into the future. [15:40] Shin     What are we gonna do? [15:42] Shin     Gengai-san died! [15:43] Shin     Who'll fix the clock now? [15:45] Gin     Settle down. There's still a way. [15:48] Gin     If we can manually move the     hands of the clock forward, [15:51] Gin     we should be able to turn them back, too. [16:02] Kag     You're right! [16:03] Kag     It looks like we can go back to     the point where the clock broke. [16:06] Shin     That's a relief. [16:08] Shin     So we can get back to square one, huh? [16:10] Gin     This time, let's put the clock where     the geezer's more likely to see it, [16:15] Gin     and carefully move time forward. [16:18] Kag     That should do it. [16:19] Kag     Here we go. [16:37] Shin     Uh, excuse me... [16:39] Shin     Now it's not moving far enough. [16:41] Shin     He keeps ignoring the clock     and picking his nose. [16:44] Shin     Are we really sure that time's passing here? [16:46] Gin     It is. [16:48] Gin     It's hard to notice, but he's     chasing the booger further in. [16:50] Shin     How many years is it gonna take     for anything to change, then?! [16:53] Kag     I feel like I've moved the hands far     enough for a few days to have passed. [16:57] Shin     Just how long is he gonna     keep picking his nose?! [17:03] Gin     Hey! He's going really deep! [17:05] Gin     Shouldn't we stop him? [17:06] Gin     Maybe call an ambulance? [17:07] Shin     How can you tell? [17:08] Shin     I don't see any changes from when we started! [17:11] Kag     We've gotta endure! [17:13] Kag     He'll get bored of picking his nose eventually,     and then he'll notice the clock! [17:17] Shin     Look, I don't think any time has passed at all. [17:20] Shin     Move the hands to a point     with some noticeable change. [17:27] Both     That's too drastic a change! [17:30] Shin     What the hell happened?! [17:31] Shin     What the hell happened in between cuts?! [17:34] Shin     He was picking his nose right     here just a moment ago! [17:36] Shin     Why is he picking his nose in a portrait now?! [17:39] Gin     That's why I asked if we     should call an ambulance. [17:42] Gin     Anybody could've seen this coming. [17:44] Shin     Who could see that coming?! [17:46] Shin     Where in the world are you gonna find     someone who chases a booger to his death?! [17:49] Kag     Before worrying about the clock, we gotta     focus on preventing the geezer's death. [17:57] Kag     Let's go in smaller increments until we     get to the moment before his death. [18:01] Kag     Here goes. [18:07] Shin     Huh? Gengai-san's gone. [18:10] Gin     Nah, he's over here. [18:13] Gen     I did it! [18:14] Gen     I finally did it! [18:19] Shin     Is that... [18:20] Shin     Does this mean... [18:21] Shin     He finished repairing the     clock right before his death? [18:24] Shin     Did we just fail to notice     that he was working on it? [18:28] Shin     Why is the world not back to normal, then? [18:31] Gin     That's probably because of the way he died. [18:35] Gin     Look at that. [18:38] Shin     A t-truck! [18:40] Gin     I think the geezer jumped out into the     street to celebrate finishing the repairs, [18:45] Gin     got hit by that truck, and died. [18:47] Gin     At the same time, the clock     must've been destroyed again. [18:51] Shin     So if we save Gengai-san here, we can     get our hands on the repaired clock! [18:55] Kag     Yay! Now we can— [19:01] Shin     It's just a booger! [19:04] Shin     No wonder he was picking     his nose for that long! [19:06] Shin     Just how big a gold nugget was he digging for?! [19:09] Kag     Anyway, we've saved his life.     The booger's been dealt with, too. [19:14] Kag     He should be able to focus     on repairing the clock now. [19:18] Kag     Let's try moving a little into the future. [19:24] W1     Poor thing. [19:26] W2     Apparently something hit     the truck's windshield, [19:31] W2     causing it to crash into the pole. [19:37] Both     Hasegawa-san was driving that truck! [19:40] Shin     Oh my God! [19:42] Shin     Just when we thought we'd saved Gengai-san, [19:43] Shin     now Hasegawa-san's dead instead! [19:46] Kag     It's your fault for throwing     the booger at the truck! [19:49] Shin     Complain to the man who     gave birth to that monster! [19:52] Gin     Calm down. We've got this. [19:55] Gin     We just need to turn back time     and get that booger again. [20:01] Gin     Throwing it into the trash should do the trick. [20:05] Gin     Okay, things should definitely     work out this time. [20:09] W1     Poor thing. [20:11] W2     Apparently he was sleeping under     the pole when something suddenly [20:16] W2     hit his face and caused     him to suffocate to death. [20:21] Both     He was in the box?! [20:28] Shin     Damn, this is too much! [20:30] Shin     He has unbelievably bad luck! [20:32] Kag     Half-assed resistance won't be enough     to shake off his cursed fate! [20:36] Gin     Forget it. Let's carry him to a place     far away from the geezer and his booger. [20:42] All     One, two... [20:43] All     Heave, ho! Heave, ho! Heave, ho! [20:58] Gin     He's gotta be fine here. [21:00] Gin     He's definitely gonna be fine here. [21:06] W2     Apparently he died a natural death. [21:09] Both     What do you mean, natural death?! [21:12] Shin     There's nothing we can do     to stop a natural death! [21:14] Shin     There's no way to save him! [21:15] Shin     What the hell's going on? [21:16] Shin     As much as we try to save him,     death keeps sucking him back in! [21:19] Gin     So if we save one, the other will die? [21:23] Gin     Damn it. There's gotta be a way. [21:26] Gin     There's gotta be a way to save everyone. [21:31] Gin     I know it... [21:34] Gin     I'm sure of it! [21:44] Pic     Special Beam Attack! [22:06] Shin     How did the future come to this?! SIGN    To Be Continued SIGN    Next Episode: Even a Matsui Stick Can't Handle Some Kinds of Dirt [23:46] Gin     Next Episode: "Even a Matsui Stick     Can't Handle Some Kinds of Dirt."