E262 - The Sound of a Beam Can Pierce Every Heart Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) SIGN    Shimura Ken [01:33] Otae     Father, it's been a while. [01:36] Otae     Father, I have something     to tell you today. [01:39] Otae     I think it's time to begin. [01:42] Otae     I will become the character     I was created to be. [01:46] Otae     It's time to restore the Kodokan     Dojo you left us, Father. [01:51] Otae     Sorry to make you wait 260 episodes. [01:54] Otae     It's not that I forgot my character. [01:56] Otae     And I wasn't tired of the role. [01:58] Otae     I had to save up money first. [02:01] Otae     I promise to make the dojo better     than when you were still around. [02:05] Otae     Please support me. [02:08] Obi     Oh? [02:09] Obi     Are you Otae-chan? SIGN    The Sound of a Beam Can Pierce Every Heart SIGN    Kodokan Dojo [02:18] Shin     What?! You want to     recruit new students?! [02:21] Shin     S-Sis, I thought you forgot the     original purpose of your character! [02:25] Shin     Weren't you going to     focus on your night dojo? [02:28] Otae     Please, do I really look like     such a heartless woman? [02:32] Otae     Do your best and let     nature take its course. [02:35] Otae     I went to Tsudaya the other day, [02:37] ---     and I received a signal     that it was time. [02:39] Shin     It's because you rewatched volume 2     of the DVDs and remembered! [02:43] Otae     I acquired a fair amount     of money in episode 200, [02:45] ---     so I think now is the ideal time. [02:48] Gin     What are you babbling about? [02:50] Gin     Nobody's gonna pay money to learn     how to use a sword these days. [02:54] Gin     The age of using swords has ended. [02:57] Gin     It's now the age of much     younger wives using Kato-chan. [03:01] Shin     When did we start talking     about Kato-chan and Ken-chan?! [03:03] Kag     Kids don't dream about becoming     samurai or ninja anymore. [03:08] Kag     They want to become     Kato-chan's wife or part of [03:12] ---     a backup band working up     to becoming an idol. SIGN    My Future Dream: Backup Band [03:14] Shin     We don't live in an age     of evil conspiracies! [03:17] Otae     That's why this dojo is needed. [03:19] Otae     A part of ancient Japanese     culture is fading away. [03:24] Otae     It's our duty to protect it by passing     this knowledge to the next generation. [03:29] Gin     But do you even know what     a kendo glove smells like? [03:33] Gin     Those things should get a new job     as the straw used to wrap natto. [03:38] Gin     And in anime, the mask makes it     impossible to tell who it is. [03:41] Gin     And when people thrust, [03:42] ---     you'd think they were striking to kill. [03:44] Gin     Isn't it our duty to end that     practice with our generation? [03:47] Shin     Are you really a swordsman? [03:49] Otae     It's true that there are aspects     that no longer apply, [03:52] Otae     so I believe it's important to evolve     and adapt certain practices [03:56] ---     while maintaining the tradition. [03:59] Otae     The school of Tendo Mushin     needs a slight renewal. [04:03] Shin     Renewal? [04:04] Otae     Yes. [04:10] Otae     To the school of Tendo     Mushin beam sabers! SIGN    Tendo Mushin Beam Sabers [04:15] Shin     What happened to tradition?! [04:17] Kag     But beam sabers will resonate with     kids, and maybe with the Amanto. [04:23] Shin     Uh, that's not the issue here. [04:25] Shin     And who's going to teach     them how to use beam sabers? [04:28] Otae     That's all worked out already. [04:30] Shin     Huh? [04:31] Otae     I've found the perfect person. [04:33] Otae     He knows the School of Tendo Mushin     and he can use beam sabers. [04:37] Shin     Huh? [04:39] Otae     You'll be so surprised, Shin-chan. [04:46] Obi     Hey, long time no see. [04:50] Obi     You've gotten pretty big, Shin-bo! [05:02] Shin     Ha— [05:04] Shin     Hajime-nii! [05:06] Obi     Whoa! [05:09] Obi     You've gotten pretty strong, too! [05:11] Shin     Hajime-nii, you're alive! [05:13] Shin     That's great! Just great! [05:17] Gin     Huh? A former instructor? [05:20] Otae     Yes, this was back when     our dojo was busy. [05:24] Obi     The name's Obi Hajime! SIGN    Obi Hajime [05:27] Obi     If that's a pain to say, call me Obi-one! SIGN    Obi Hajime     Obi-one [05:29] Gin     No, that would be an even bigger pain. [05:32] Obi     Sounds like you've been     taking care of Otae-chan [05:34] ---     and Shin-bo while I was gone. [05:36] Obi     Let me express my gratitude. [05:38] Obi     Thank you very hamnida! [05:39] Gin     Thank you? Hamnida? So     which country are you from? [05:43] Otae     Obi-one-niisama has been wandering     around space for a long time, [05:46] Otae     so he's picked up some words     from different planets. [05:50] Obi     Soz for being so hard to understand! [05:52] Gin     Uh, how do you pick up a     word like "soz" from space? [05:54] Shin     Gin-san, Hajime-nii is really amazing. [05:57] Shin     He became an instructor at     our dojo at a young age, [05:59] Shin     and his skill was known around Edo! [06:02] Shin     Once his talent was recognized, [06:04] ---     he was chosen to study abroad     and took off into space. [06:07] Shin     But the teleportation device at the terminal [06:09] ---     exploded while he was there, [06:11] Shin     so we thought he would never return. [06:16] Obi     When the device blew up, [06:18] ---     I was miraculously teleported     to a planet way out there. [06:21] Obi     While there, I figured I might as     well learn how they used swords, [06:25] Obi     but before I knew it, I was     the strongest one around. [06:28] Obi     I would then move on to the     next planet, and so on, [06:33] Obi     until people started calling     me Galaxy Sword Master. SIGN    Galaxy Sword Master [06:39] Obi     People stopped challenging me. [06:43] Obi     It got boring, so I came back to Edo. [06:46] Shin     Wow! Galaxy Sword Master! [06:49] Shin     You're awesome, Hajime-nii! [06:51] Obi     Nah, I'm still nothing     compared to your old man. [06:52] Gin     Hey, what's a Galaxy Sword Master? [06:55] Kag     His character is dumb     and his title is dumb. [06:55] Obi     He was one strong samurai. [06:59] Obi     I never thought the     dojo would shut down. [07:03] Obi     Shin-bo, Otae-chan... [07:05] Obi     Soz for not being here to     help when you needed me. [07:09] Obi     If I can help you with the beam saber     that I mastered out in space, [07:13] Obi     I'll do whatever you ask! [07:17] Obi     I'm getting excited! [07:18] Gin     Watch it! [07:20] Obi     Let's work together to     revive your old man's dojo! [07:24] Obi     And we'll make Kodokan the number     one dojo in the universe! [07:28] Obi     Hip, hip, hooray! [07:35] Gin     Weren't we reviving it? [07:40] Otae     Hey, hey! Come on     down! Have a looksee! SIGN    School of Tendo Mushin Beam Saber [07:43] Otae     We're starting up a new school in Edo! [07:47] Shin     The School of Tendo Mushin Beam Saber! [07:50] Otae     We're moving into the age of beams! [07:53] Shin     You can do anything with beams! [07:54] Shin     Remove the wrinkles and     moles from your face! [07:57] Shin     Pierce the heart of your favorite girl! [07:59] Shin     Let's beam it up together! [08:01] Gin     Uh, so why are we     beaming it up with you? [08:05] Obi     This is bad, Gintoki-dono! [08:07] Obi     Nobody's stopping! [08:09] Gin     Uh, why are you telling me this? [08:11] Obi     How 'bout it? Let's spar     a little to show them [08:13] ---     what beam sabers are about! [08:15] Gin     Wait, I've never used a beam     saber before and I don't want to. [08:19] Obi     How can you say that when you're [08:21] ---     going to be a founder of     the School of Beam Saber? [08:23] Gin     What? [08:24] Obi     Don't play dumb. You and Otae-chan     have this going on, right? [08:28] Gin     What's that supposed to mean? [08:29] Gin     I've never seen that gesture before! [08:31] Gin     And this guy's shooting     beams out of his pinky?! [08:33] Obi     You know what I mean. [08:34] Obi     You've been sticking your     beam inside Otae-chan's... [08:40] Otae     Please stop it, Obi-one-niisama. [08:43] Otae     We have no such relationship. [08:44] Obi     That's the Otae-chan I remember. [08:46] Obi     You've already mastered     the art of the beam saber. [08:48] Gin     You mean she's mastered     how to jam it in your ass! [08:51] Shin     No kidding. You're the one who     doesn't understand, Hajime-nii. [08:54] Shin     Sis wouldn't want to     hear her first love say... [08:58] Gin     Wait, so he's her first love? [09:00] Gin     He's her first love? [09:01] Kag     Seriously? That's what     the boss lady likes? [09:04] Otae     Keep your mouth shut!     Want me to slaughter you?! [09:06] Kon     Uh, excuse me. [09:10] Both     We want to join [09:13] Both     the School of Beam Saber! [09:15] Gin     As if we wanted these freaks! [09:18] Kon     If it's that awesome, Kyubei-kun,     I'd love to try this, uh... [09:22] Kyu     What was it called,     Kondo-kun? Beachy Diarrhea? [09:26] Kon     No, that's not it. [09:27] Kon     Wasn't it Beach Sandal, Kyubei-kun? [09:30] Gin     Wait, when did they become friends?! [09:32] Gin     The stalkers have teamed up     because her first love is here! [09:36] Kon     But before we join, we'll     need a demonstration [09:39] ---     to see how awesome this really is. [09:40] Kyu     That's right. [09:42] ---     Would you be willing     to spar with us first? [09:44] Obi     Sure, I'd love to do that. [09:46] Obi     I can't wait! [09:48] Obi     It's been years since     I fought a samurai! [09:51] Gin     They're not fighting like samurai! [09:53] Both     Die! [09:55] Gin     Way to blurt out your intent! [10:08] Obi     That's no good, you two. [10:10] Obi     If you fire those in the middle     of town, people will die. [10:13] Obi     Huh? What about me? [10:15] Obi     I'm just fine. [10:23] Obi     Though, I'm only half human now. [10:35] A     Kenofi, Kenofi, come in, come in! [10:39] A     No good. He's not responding. [10:41] A     He's running solo again. [10:43] A     That guy is so much trouble. [10:45] B     Forget about him. [10:46] B     I believe that this     planet is his homeland. [10:49] B     Let the man say his farewells. [10:57] Obi     Whew, we managed to recruit enough     students to get started. SIGN    Welcome New Students     Tendo Mushin Beam Saber [11:01] Obi     Welcome to the School of     Tendo Mushin Beam Saber! [11:04] Obi     Soz about what happened back there. [11:08] Obi     You guys were so strong that     I couldn't hold myself back. [11:13] Obi     But this means that we have     the seven strongest samurai [11:15] ---     to get this school started off. [11:17] Obi     We're going to make the School     of Beam Saber the best there is! [11:21] Obi     Right, Instructor Sakata? [11:23] Gin     Sure, Instructor Obi-one. [11:26] Gin     I can't even be bothered     to complain anymore. [11:28] Obi     Anyway, tonight we celebrate     our new beginning! [11:32] Shin     Do you want beer, Hajime-nii? [11:33] Obi     Nah, give me some shochu with gasoline! [11:36] Otae     Please, Obi-one-niisama.     You're such a joker. [11:43] Kon     Uh, excuse me, Instructor Obi-one. [11:46] Kon     I have a question. [11:47] Obi     What's up? [11:48] Kon     I now understand how     amazing beam sabers are. [11:51] Kon     The thing is... [11:53] Kon     Even if we train under     the School of Beam Saber, [11:56] Kon     I don't see how we can learn to do that. [12:00] Obi     Don't worry. [12:02] Obi     It's easy once you've learned the trick. [12:04] Obi     Right, Instructor Sakata? [12:08] Gin     Sure, you know how     one day, you take the [12:11] ---     training wheels off your bike,     and suddenly you can ride it? [12:13] Gin     It's just like that. [12:14] Kon     Wait, I'm positive that you can't     do that stuff, Instructor Sakata! [12:17] Kon     You still need your training wheels! [12:19] Kyu     Honestly, I don't see how a     human could ever pull that off. [12:24] Kyu     And that mechanical arm... [12:27] Kyu     You said that you were only half human. [12:30] Kyu     What did you mean by that? [12:35] Obi     You think there's something     special about this arm? [12:37] Obi     This is just a mechanical arm to     replace the one I lost in the accident. [12:41] Gin     That's not nice, Kyubei. [12:43] Gin     You shouldn't start accusing     people because they beat you. [12:45] Gin     It takes strength to     admit your weaknesses. [12:48] Gin     Now you have to write the word "jobber"     a hundred times before tomorrow. [12:52] Kyu     And you have to write the     word "moron" a hundred times. [12:56] Gin     How do you spell that? [12:59] Kag     Like this, Instructor! SIGN    Gintoki [13:01] Obi     If you don't trust me,     I'll show you my body. [13:04] Obi     I meant exactly what I said back there. [13:08] Obi     After wandering around the galaxy, [13:10] ---     half my body is no longer     that of an Earthling. [13:12] Obi     The other half hasn't     forgotten the spirit of Edo. [13:20] Obi     What do you think? [13:23] Kon     Don't you mean you're     half Edo and half robot?! [13:26] Obi     That's what I said. [13:28] Obi     The beam saber didn't     come from my right arm. [13:31] Obi     It came from the mechanical     right side of my body. [13:35] Kon     What the hell?! [13:36] Shin     Huh?! [13:37] Shin     What's going on?! [13:38] Shin     What happened to your body, Hajime-nii?! [13:41] Otae     O-Obi-one-niisama... [13:43] Obi     What? You didn't realize     that I was a cyborg? [13:48] Obi     Man, you guys don't pay attention! [13:49] Obi     Right, Instructor Sakata? [13:51] Gin     Huh? What? SIGN    Gintoki Gintoki Gintoki     Gintoki Gin [13:52] Gin     We're having hamburger     steak tomorrow. Really? [13:54] Kon     Cyborg! This guy's piss drunk! [13:57] Shin     You're a cyborg, Hajime-nii? [13:59] Obi     Yeah. You see, when I was     caught in the explosion, [14:04] ---     the right half of my body     was mortally damaged. [14:08] Obi     I'm embarrassed to admit that, well... [14:10] Obi     I already died once. [14:12] Shin     Wh-What?! [14:14] A     We'll make him half that. [14:14] Shin     Y-You already died once?! [14:15] B     And half this. [14:16] Shin     Th-That means... [14:18] Obi     Luckily, the technology on the     planet was advanced enough [14:21] ---     that they could revive me     by mechanizing half my body. [14:25] Obi     I would become the strongest     swordsman in the galaxy. [14:30] Obi     I returned from hell to achieve the     dream that had once... died... [14:37] Shin     Hajime-nii! [14:38] Kag     Hey! Did he go back to hell already?! [14:42] Shin     Hajime-nii! [14:43] Shin     Pull it together! [14:43] Shin     What's wrong?! [14:46] Obi     Give me shochu with gasoline! [14:49] Otae     Oh, no, I thought he was joking. [14:52] Otae     I'll go buy some gasoline, so Shin-chan, [14:53] Otae     take him to the bedroom! [14:54] Shin     S-Sis! [14:56] Kon     Otae-san! [15:06] Shin     Gengai-san, how does he look? [15:11] Gen     Unfortunately, the problem     isn't that he's out of gasoline. [15:16] Gen     Who fed him this junk? [15:19] Gen     This matter doesn't exist on Earth. [15:22] Gen     As far as I know, nothing like this has     been discovered in the universe yet. [15:26] Kag     That's boss lady's... [15:28] Otae     He must have eaten something     bad out in space. [15:31] Otae     Obi-one-niisama is such a slob. [15:34] Gen     Whatever. I got him to spit up the junk, [15:38] Gen     so give him some shochu with gasoline. [15:41] Gen     That's the only thing his body can take. [15:44] Shin     U-Uh, Gengai-san! [15:46] Shin     Is Hajime-nii... [15:49] Gen     His human heart has stopped beating. [15:53] Gen     All life-sustaining operations are     performed by the right side of his body. [15:57] Gen     In other words, the machine     is keeping him alive. [16:09] Shin     I thought he was finally back. [16:13] Shin     This is terrible. [16:15] Shin     He can't live without     that machine... That's just... [16:20] Otae     Shin-chan... [16:22] Otae     No matter how much he changes, [16:24] ---     he'll still be the same person. [16:26] Otae     And you can't let him see     that look on your face. [16:32] Otae     Have you forgotten the promise we made? [16:37] Otae     Geez, how many times     do I have to tell you?! [16:40] Otae     Whether you're swinging your     sword or doing anything else, [16:42] ---     you must maintain your form! [16:44] Otae     Pretend that there's a rod     sticking through your body, [16:48] Otae     and you can only move by     rotating around that rod! [16:54] Shin     I don't understand, Sis! [16:56] Shin     There's no rod in my body! [17:00] Otae     Geez, I told you to stop crying! [17:03] Otae     You're the son of a samurai, Shin-chan! [17:05] Shin     But... [17:06] Otae     Don't make excuses! [17:08] A     Those kids are at it again. [17:10] Ken     Hey! What are you doing?! [17:12] A     Crap, it's the master! [17:15] Otae     Father! [17:16] Otae     Help me talk some sense into him. [17:18] Otae     All Shin-chan does is cry,     and he won't stop. [17:21] Otae     And everybody's laughing     at how loud we are. [17:23] ---     It's embarrassing. [17:24] Ken     Both of you are too loud! [17:34] Obi     You siblings cry all the time. [17:36] Obi     Why's that? Are you getting paid? [17:39] Obi     I'll pay you more, then, so laugh! [17:43] Otae     Ha— [17:44] Shin     Hajime-nii... [17:45] Obi     Listen up, you two. [17:47] Obi     Tears are handy for washing away     troubling and sad feelings. [17:55] Obi     But when you grow up, you'll learn [17:58] Obi     that there are things so sad, they     can never be washed away by tears. [18:03] Obi     That there are painful memories     that should never be washed away. [18:09] Obi     So people who are truly strong     laugh when they want to cry. [18:14] Obi     They endure all of the pain and sorrow [18:17] Obi     while laughing with everybody else. [18:21] Obi     You can cry all you want right now. [18:24] Obi     But one day, you must become     samurai strong enough not to cry. [18:28] Otae     Oh, so that's why you're     always laughing. [18:32] Shin     I-I want to become strong like you! [18:35] Obi     Really? [18:37] Obi     Then stop practicing the sword for      today, and start practicing laughing! [18:46] Obi     More, Otae-chan! [18:49] Obi     Not good enough, Shin-bo! [18:51] Obi     Like this! [18:56] Ken     All three of you are too loud! [19:02] Obi     Darn, crying won't make     this pain go away. [19:14] Otae     No matter what's happened to him, [19:16] ---     we were able to see     Obi-one-niisama again. [19:21] Otae     We were able to see his smile again. [19:27] Otae     Isn't that [19:30] ---     enough? [19:34] Shin     Sis... [19:55] Hiji     Where did you go? [19:57] Hiji     We've got trouble right now. [20:00] Hiji     Earth may come to an end. [20:03] Kon     Oh, I don't see a problem [20:06] Kon     since my life's already over. [20:08] Kon     My love has come to an end, [20:09] Kon     so everyone else's lives might as well end. [20:12] Oki     He clearly wants attention right now. [20:15] Oki     I sure as hell don't want     to listen to him gripe. [20:18] Hiji     It'll just be a waste of time, so let's     tell him what's up and get to work. [20:22] Tojo     Lady! [20:24] Tojo     Hey! Where have you been?! [20:27] Tojo     Edo is in big trouble! [20:31] Tojo     We've got big trouble here, too! [20:34] Kyu     I'm disgusted with myself. [20:37] Kyu     I was trying to kill someone     that Tae-chan truly cared about. [20:42] Kyu     I'm tainted! I'm the one     who deserves to be killed! [20:45] Tojo     Calm down, Lady! [20:47] Tojo     Turn on the TV first! [20:48] Tojo     The human race is about     to be killed off! [20:50] Kyu     Don't touch me! [20:53] Tojo     Oh, she noticed. SIGN    Machine Hall [20:56] Gin     Did you call me out here because     there's some kind of problem? [21:00] Gen     Actually, I noticed something     when I was checking his body. [21:05] Gen     I couldn't do anything     about it, so I ignored it. [21:10] Kon     Planet Beam? [21:11] Hiji     They're known for developing     interstellar wave beam cannons. [21:14] Hiji     Basically, no other planet     could compete with them [21:17] ---     at making beam cannons, [21:20] Hiji     but a few days ago, [21:22] ---     Earth started a proposal to     ban the manufacturing and [21:25] ---     exporting of beam cannons     because of the danger, [21:29] Hiji     and the proposal seems likely to pass. [21:32] Hiji     Those guys see that as a     big thorn in their side. [21:35] Hiji     These people claim to be terrorists, [21:37] Hiji     but I'm guessing that... [21:39] Ana     It appears that you Earthlings do not [21:41] ---     understand how beneficial     lasers can be in daily life. [21:46] Ana     So we've sent a wonderful     present to help you understand. [21:52] Gin     Huh? What did they just say? [21:55] Gen     The mechanical half of his     body contains a time-triggered [21:59] ---     interstellar wave beam cannon. [22:02] Gen     Its targets are the     planets of the Alliance. [22:05] Gen     If the cannon is fired, the rest of     the galaxy will declare war on Earth. SIGN    To Be Continued SIGN    Big Announcement [23:45] Gin     We have a big announcement     about the second movie. SIGN    Gintama the Movie ---- In theaters on ----- !! [23:49] Gin     Next week, the scratched-out     areas will be revealed. [23:53] Gin     Hey, dads. Don't try to     spread butter on the screen. [23:57] Gin     That's not what this is for. SIGN    Two Brothers [24:01] Shin     Next time: Two Brothers. SIGN    Planet Beam is threatening Planet Earth, SIGN    and Obi Hajime was their advance party!! SIGN    The Shimura siblings are unsure about what to do, SIGN    but Gintoki has made his choice.