# E256.C - Gintama Classic - Whenever I Hear Leviathan, I Think of Sazae-san. Stupid Me!!
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GY1950M1R/gintama-classic---whenever-i-hear-leviathan-i-think-of-sazae-san-stupid-me)
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:04] Abuto**
This school was in the same
district as Gintama High,
**[00:08] Abuto**
but it tended to attract students with notorious
reputations during middle school,
**[00:12] Abuto**
and the rundown building was dubbed
a concentration camp by some.
**[00:19] Abuto**
The Metropolitan Yato
Industrial High School.
**[00:22] Abuto**
This is the story of one man who arrived
in this school full of savages...
**[00:35] Kamui**
I'll kill ya.
**[00:36] Abuto**
Bebop.
**[00:38] Men**
Kamui-kun!
***SIGN*** [Kamui - Episode 1]
**[00:45] Umi**
Starting today we have a new student,
Kamui, joining our class.
**[00:49] Umi**
Be nice, everyone.
**[00:51] Kamui**
I'm Kamui, from Harusame High.
**[00:53] Kamui**
I only have interest in
those who are strong.
**[00:56] Kamui**
I'll take over this class before
the day's over, so cheers.
**[00:59] A**
What's that?!
**[00:59] B**
You dissin' us?!
**[01:01] C**
I'll show you how fearsome
Yato High can be!
**[01:05] Kamui**
If you get in my way
again, I'll kill ya.
**[01:09] Umi**
Hey! What do you think you're
doing on your first day here?!
**[01:11] D**
You bastard! You don't get
to push my buddy around!
**[01:16] Umi**
Be nice, or I'll kill ya.
**[01:19] E**
Bastard's got cheek.
**[01:20] E**
Abuto, do something!
**[01:25] Abuto**
You read that as "Kamui"?
***SIGN*** [After School]
**[01:30] Abuto**
Hey.
**[01:32] Abuto**
I said hey.
**[01:33] Abuto**
Can't you hear me?
**[01:35] Abuto**
Are the things protruding from your
head supposed to be doorknobs?
**[01:38] Abuto**
Eh?
**[01:39] Kamui**
How about a contest?
**[01:41] Abuto**
Huh?
**[01:41] Kamui**
7x1=7, 7x2=14, 7x3=21.
**[01:44] Abuto**
Wait, that's...
**[01:46] Kamui**
7x4=28, 7x5=35, now 7x6 equals?
**[01:49] Abuto**
The sevens, the hardest
part of the times table...
**[01:53] Abuto**
Uh, six sevens would be 45...
**[01:54] Abuto**
No, that's not it...
**[01:56] Abuto**
In this case, it'd either be 38 or 48...
**[01:59] Abuto**
Ungyo!
**[01:59] Abuto**
Lend me your fingers!
**[02:01] Ungyo**
I think I'll transfer...
***SIGN*** [The End]
**[02:05] Abuto**
Teach, I don't get why we have to study.
**[02:08] Abuto**
Is this going to help us
out in the real world?
**[02:11] Abuto**
I was spewing a typical
adolescent question after
**[02:15] ---**
failing this important
juncture in life eight times.
**[02:17] Abuto**
Yes, I was the only
one held back at the
**[02:20] ---**
metropolitan Yato Industrial
High School eight times.
**[02:23] Abuto**
I no longer show up for
New Year's gatherings
**[02:25] ---**
'cause I can't stand all the
stares from the relatives.
**[02:26] Abuto**
Never show up!
**[02:28] Abuto**
That was when one particular
man arrived before me.
**[02:33] Kamui**
I'll kill ya.
**[02:34] Abuto**
Bebop.
**[02:35] Men**
Kamui-kun!
***SIGN*** [Episode 2]
**[02:41] A**
Hey, look at that.
**[02:43] A**
It's the three stupid crows from Yato
High that've been getting cocky.
**[02:47] A**
The new kid who took control of the
third-years on his first day, Kamui.
**[02:50] A**
The member of the old guard who's
flunked eight times, Abuto.
**[02:55] A**
The fatty who's seventeen,
believe it or not...
**[02:59] A**
What's his name again?
**[03:00] B**
Beats me...
**[03:01] Ungyo**
I think I'll transfer...
***SIGN*** [The End]
**[03:05] Abuto**
Say, did you know?
**[03:07] Abuto**
That scene from the current
ending sequence.
**[03:09] Abuto**
It has me set up as the only one
who flunks and doesn't graduate.
**[03:12] Abuto**
How mean is that?
**[03:14] Abuto**
That was when one particular
man arrived before me.
**[03:18] Kamui**
I'll kill ya.
**[03:19] Abuto**
Bebop.
**[03:20] Men**
Kamui-kun!
***SIGN*** [Episode 3]
**[03:26] Abuto**
Bah, those bastards from
Yoshiwara Trade School...
**[03:29] Kamui**
Well, just sit back
and let your leg heal.
**[03:31] Kamui**
Don't worry about anything else.
**[03:33] Abuto**
Hey! Nincompoop!
**[03:35] Abuto**
Don't tell me you're going to go
off to get payback by yourself...
**[03:38] Abuto**
I won't allow you to do that.
**[03:40] Abuto**
This is my problem.
**[03:41] Abuto**
Got nothing to do with you!
**[03:43] Kamui**
I'll be back.
**[03:44] Abuto**
Hey, wait!
**[03:45] Abuto**
Don't give me that shit!
**[03:46] Abuto**
Hold up!
**[03:47] Abuto**
Bah, damn idiot.
**[03:52] Abuto**
Mommy, peel a pear for me.
**[03:57] Ungyo**
I think I'll make him transfer...
***SIGN*** [The End]
***SIGN*** [The showdown at Hotel Ikezuya: The Kagekiha Anti-Foreigner Ronin Faction versus the Shinsengumi.]
***SIGN*** [The fate of Edo rests on what Hijikata saw happen to Kondo...]
**[05:47] Yamazaki**
The enemy is hiding in Hotel Ikezuya.
**[05:50] Yamazaki**
They plan on executing an armed
takeover of the terminal tomorrow.
**[05:55] Yamazaki**
They're meeting up at Ikezuya
to discuss their plans.
**[06:02] Yamazaki**
I would assume that they're
building morale for the
**[06:04] ---**
upcoming battle with
a feast of some sort.
**[06:07] Yamazaki**
This is our only chance to stop their
plan and to bring them all in.
**[06:15] Kondo**
It's a showdown...
**[06:57] Kondo**
Squad 1 will join me in attacking
from the front.
**[07:00] Kondo**
Squads 2 and 3 will follow their captains
and attack from the back.
**[07:04] Kondo**
Don't let a single rat escape.
**[07:06] Kondo**
Got it?
**[07:07] Kondo**
The fate of Edo rests on our blades.
**[07:10] Kondo**
Every battle we fight may be our last.
**[07:13] Kondo**
Our backs are against the wall.
**[07:15] Kondo**
Never look back.
**[07:16] Kondo**
Focus only on the enemy.
**[07:18] Kondo**
Open a path to the future
with your swords.
**[07:23] Kondo**
Let's go!
**[07:43] Master**
Excuse me...we're booked for the day...
**[07:45] Kondo**
We're here on official business.
**[07:47] Kondo**
We'll need to have a look inside.
**[07:50] Master**
Huh? Uh...
**[08:02] Kondo**
Toshi, I'm trusting
you to watch my back.
**[08:06] Toshi**
Yeah, I got you.
***SIGN*** ["Whenever I Hear Leviathan,
I Think of Sazae-san. Stupid Me!!"]
**[08:17] Hijikata**
Oh...
**[08:21] Hijikata**
He's got snot coming out...
**[08:25] Hijikata**
Nah, it can't be.
**[08:27] Hijikata**
He wouldn't have snot coming out now...
**[08:31] Hijikata**
Nope, that's definitely snot.
**[08:33] Hijikata**
It's clearly snot.
**[08:35] Hijikata**
Should I tell him?
**[08:37] Hijikata**
But...
**[08:39] Hijikata**
I don't want to do anything that
**[08:41] ---**
would affect our morale right now...
**[08:44] Hijikata**
But still...
**[08:46] Hijikata**
If I leave it alone and the men notice,
**[08:48] ---**
that'll also affect the squad's morale...
**[08:52] Kondo**
Let's go!
**[08:53] All**
Yeah!
**[08:56] A**
Huh? Snot?
**[08:57] B**
No way! Seriously?!
**[09:00] Hijikata**
Crap... I had better tell him...
**[09:03] Kondo**
What's wrong, Toshi?
**[09:05] Kondo**
Why the funny face?
**[09:07] Hijikata**
Kondo-san... Well...
**[09:10] Kondo**
Even you feel nervous
before battles, eh?
**[09:14] Kondo**
But there's no need to be ashamed.
**[09:16] Kondo**
It's far more shameful to grow
accustomed to killing.
**[09:21] Kondo**
We have no choice but to
swing our swords in agony,
**[09:23] Kondo**
hoping that we will be able
to bring peace one day.
**[09:25] Kondo**
Humans are the only ones who
can set other humans straight.
**[09:28] Kondo**
Don't let yourself become a monster,
**[09:32] ---**
no matter how much blood you shed.
**[09:34] Hijikata**
Th-Thanks...
**[09:37] Hijikata**
That helped me snap out of it.
**[09:40] Hijikata**
Kondo-san...
**[09:41] Hijikata**
That was a nice speech, but your
snot is going Tarzan on you.
**[09:46] C**
Report!
**[09:47] C**
Squad 2 has reached the 12th floor!
**[09:49] C**
Squad 3 is on the move!
**[09:52] Kondo**
Very well. Squad 1 will head out
once squad 3 is in position.
**[09:56] C**
Yes, sir!
**[09:57] Hijikata**
No...I can't tell him...
**[10:00] Hijikata**
I'd rather die than tell someone who's being
serious that he's got snot going Tarzan.
**[10:08] Hijikata**
Tarzan would fall into the ravine...
**[10:12] Hijikata**
Can't do it...
**[10:13] Hijikata**
I have to prevent that from happening...
**[10:15] Hijikata**
I'll have to make him
aware of the snot in
**[10:19] ---**
passing instead of pointing
it out directly...
**[10:22] Hijikata**
What options do I have...?
**[10:25] Hijikata**
Hey! You lot!
**[10:27] Men**
Yes, sir!
**[10:28] Hijikata**
We'll have a piss break
before we charge in.
**[10:33] Hijikata**
Listen up.
**[10:34] Hijikata**
You won't have time once
the battle starts.
**[10:36] Hijikata**
Take care of your business now.
**[10:38] Hijikata**
If you don't piss now, you'll have
to hold it in for at least an hour.
**[10:40] Okita**
Hijikata-san, we didn't come
here on a picnic.
**[10:44] Hijikata**
Shut up!
**[10:45] Hijikata**
You're the type of kid who
make them stop the bus to
**[10:49] ---**
piss in the bush, crying,
while all the traffic goes by!
**[10:53] Okita**
Hijikata-san, we're not on a bus.
**[10:56] Hijikata**
Shut up!
**[10:57] Hijikata**
I told you to piss, so piss, damn it!
**[11:01] A**
Man, this is such a pain.
**[11:03] B**
There goes all the tension.
**[11:05] C**
I already squeezed out every
last drop before coming here.
**[11:08] Hijikata**
Kondo-san, why don't you join them?
**[11:11] Kondo**
Nah, I already took a piss.
**[11:16] Hijikata**
You should go wash your face.
**[11:18] Hijikata**
It'll help you focus.
**[11:20] Kondo**
Really?
**[11:21] Kondo**
I'll be gone for a bit then.
**[11:23] Kondo**
Stay on your guard.
**[11:24] Hijikata**
Yeah, don't worry.
**[11:26] Hijikata**
Okay, it's all good now.
**[11:29] Hijikata**
Once he looks in the mirror,
he'll notice Tarzan yelling.
**[11:33] Hijikata**
I can only pray that Tarzan will return
**[11:35] ---**
to the forest before anyone notices.
**[11:39] Kondo**
Okay, I'm focused now.
**[11:41] Kondo**
Let's get going!
**[11:42] Men**
Yeah!
**[11:44] Hijikata**
T-Tarzan's come out to New York!
**[11:47] Hijikata**
Why?!
**[11:49] Hijikata**
What's going on?!
**[11:50] Hijikata**
He washed his face, yet his snot's
gone from Tarzan to Leviathan?!
***SIGN*** [Note: Referring to the Leviathan from the "Final Fantasy" video game series.]
**[11:55] D**
Hey, check out the commander...
**[11:57] E**
Isn't there something on
his nose? What is that?
**[12:00] D**
Isn't it Leviathan?
**[12:00] Hijikata**
This is bad... They're starting
to notice Leviathan...
**[12:03] Hijikata**
Fall off!
**[12:04] Hijikata**
Leviathan, that isn't where you belong!
**[12:07] Hijikata**
Back you go to the Feymarch!
***SIGN*** [Note: From Final Fantasy IV for the Nintendo DS.]
**[12:13] Hijikata**
There it goes!
**[12:14] Hijikata**
It's definitely gone now!
**[12:17] Kondo**
What? Did I catch a cold?
**[12:20] Hijikata**
N-Now Bahamut's been summoned!
**[12:23] Hijikata**
Crap!
**[12:24] Hijikata**
I didn't expect Bahamut to be
renting the room next door!
**[12:27] C**
Squad 1 has reached their floor!
**[12:29] Kondo**
Very well. Squad 1 will also move out.
**[12:32] Men**
Yeah!
**[12:33] Hijikata**
I-It's impossible to hide now...
**[12:35] Hijikata**
Bahamut and Leviathan...
**[12:37] Hijikata**
They won't stop until
everything's destroyed...
**[12:40] Hijikata**
What do I do?
**[12:43] Hijikata**
So-Sogo!
**[12:45] Sogo**
What is it?
**[12:46] Hijikata**
Take squad 1 and use the
emergency stairwell.
**[12:50] Hijikata**
I'll join the double dragons, I mean...
**[12:53] Hijikata**
Kondo-san in attacking from the front.
**[12:55] Sogo**
Will the two of you be
okay by yourselves?
**[12:57] Hijikata**
The goal is to confuse the enemy.
**[12:59] Hijikata**
You don't need to worry.
**[13:00] Hijikata**
I'm willing to die to protect Kondo-san.
**[13:02] Kondo**
Toshi?
**[13:03] Hijikata**
Let me handle this.
**[13:06] Hijikata**
I managed to get rid of the men,
**[13:09] Hijikata**
but the problem now is how to proceed.
**[13:11] Hijikata**
If we charge in, the enemy will
see these double dragons.
**[13:17] A**
Huh?
**[13:18] A**
Hey, this guy's dripping snot!
**[13:21] B**
You should take care of your nose
before taking care of patriots!
**[13:25] Kondo**
Stop!
**[13:26] Kondo**
Don't look!
**[13:32] Hijikata**
I have to do something before
the situation gets ugly...
**[13:36] Hijikata**
Eliminate the double
dragons without messing
**[13:39] ---**
with Kondo-san's serious manner.
**[13:42] Kondo**
Toshi, check that out.
**[13:44] Kondo**
The enemy has people on patrol.
**[13:47] Kondo**
If we're spotted, the enemy will
be alerted to our presence,
**[13:49] Kondo**
and our ambush will fail.
**[13:51] Hijikata**
Yeah, you're right...
**[13:53] Hijikata**
There's no time to get hung
up about cleanliness.
**[13:56] Hijikata**
I'll just use my hand.
**[13:58] Hijikata**
There's no other way to bring
down those giants.
**[14:02] Hijikata**
Bahamut and Leviathan...
**[14:04] Hijikata**
Which to go for first...
**[14:06] Hijikata**
Given the way he's turned,
Leviathan will be difficult...
**[14:09] Hijikata**
Guess I'll start with Bahamut.
**[14:10] Hijikata**
Okay!
**[14:14] Hijikata**
Bahamut just?!
**[14:15] Hijikata**
What?!
**[14:16] Hijikata**
Did it sense the impeding danger?!
**[14:18] Hijikata**
Leviathan's doubled in size instead!
**[14:20] Hijikata**
What's going on?!
**[14:22] Hijikata**
Come on! Don't tell me Bahamut and
**[14:23] ---**
Leviathan are connected in the back?
**[14:26] Hijikata**
They're a couple?
**[14:29] Hijikata**
That makes this easy then.
**[14:32] Hijikata**
Grab one and they're both goners!
**[14:42] Hijikata**
That's it!
**[14:43] Hijikata**
I'll go for Zantetsuken!
***SIGN*** [Note: Odin's trademark attack from FF series.]
**[14:48] Hijikata**
My eyes! My eyes!
**[14:48] Kondo**
Hey, Toshi!
**[14:49] Kondo**
You okay?!
**[14:51] Hijikata**
Sn-Snot came flying out!
**[14:53] Hijikata**
Snot came flying at
me like a Flare spell!
**[14:55] Hijikata**
What's going on?!
**[14:57] C**
Hey! What're you doing?!
**[15:00] C**
Whoa! What's with that sno...
**[15:05] Kondo**
Whoa!
**[15:05] Kondo**
Nice one, Toshi!
**[15:07] Kondo**
That was instant!
**[15:10] Hijikata**
Th-That was close...
**[15:12] Hijikata**
He was about to find out.
**[15:14] Kondo**
Hey, wasn't that guy saying
something about sno...
**[15:17] Hijikata**
He wasn't!
**[15:19] Kondo**
No, pretty sure I heard sno...
**[15:20] Hijikata**
He must have been talking
about snowbells, yeah.
**[15:23] Hijikata**
He realized he was about
to die, so he wanted
**[15:26] ---**
to request snowbells at his grave.
**[15:28] Kondo**
Snowbells...
**[15:29] D**
Damn, that's loud!
**[15:31] D**
What's all the noise about...
**[15:35] D**
What the hell is that s-...
**[15:37] Hijikata**
Socrates!
**[15:40] B**
I-It's the Shinsengumi!
**[15:42] Kondo**
Onward!
**[15:43] B**
Wh-What's with this guy?!
**[15:45] B**
He's got all that sn-...
**[15:46] Kondo**
Soul Society!
**[15:48] F**
Hey! That's s-...
**[15:50] Hijikata**
Son Goku!
**[15:52] G**
Whoa! S-...
**[15:53] Hijikata**
'Nothing to worry about!
**[16:00] H**
The hell's up with this guy?!
**[16:02] H**
He's a monster!
**[16:03] H**
Run!
**[16:04] Okita**
You won't get away!
**[16:06] Okita**
Zaki!
**[16:09] Hijikata**
Crap!
**[16:10] Yamazaki**
Huh?
**[16:11] Yamazaki**
Commander, what's with that s-...
**[16:18] Hijikata**
Yamazaki!
**[16:20] Hijikata**
You okay?!
**[16:21] Hijikata**
Who did this to you?!
**[16:23] Yamazaki**
A vase suddenly...
**[16:25] Kondo**
Zaki...
**[16:26] Kondo**
Damn them!
**[16:27] Kondo**
They won't get away with this!
**[16:29] Hijikata**
Wait!
**[16:30] Hijikata**
Hold on!
**[16:31] Hijikata**
Here.
**[16:32] Hijikata**
Your face is covered with the blood
that's been splashing around.
**[16:35] Hijikata**
Use this to wipe it off.
**[16:36] Kondo**
Your face is the one that's
covered with blood.
**[16:38] Hijikata**
I said to wipe it off, damn it!
**[16:41] Hijikata**
You won't be able to fight
if it gets into your eye!
**[16:43] Kondo**
Yeah, sorry...
**[16:45] Kondo**
It's true that you're as good
as dead if you lose your
**[16:48] ---**
eyes on the battlefield.
**[16:50] Hijikata**
Right, you're done now.
**[16:53] Hijikata**
It's over for you this time, damn snot.
**[16:57] Hijikata**
H-Hey!
**[17:00] Hijikata**
What is that?!
**[17:01] Hijikata**
Why is his snot wiping his face?!
**[17:03] Hijikata**
Why is the dirtiest part of his face
trying to wipe his face clean?!
**[17:07] Kondo**
Okay, I'm ready to go.
**[17:09] Kondo**
Let's do this, Toshi!
**[17:11] Hijikata**
You aren't ready!
**[17:13] Hijikata**
You're a complete mess!
**[17:19] Kondo**
Damn villains, it's on!
**[17:26] Hijikata**
He has total control of his snot...
**[17:30] Hijikata**
No, I would say that the
snot is controlling him...
**[17:35] Hijikata**
What the hell?
**[17:37] Hijikata**
What is that thing?
**[17:39] Hijikata**
Stop it.
**[17:40] Hijikata**
Stop abusing Kondo-san...
**[17:43] Hijikata**
Get the hell out!
**[17:46] Kondo**
Look out!
**[17:47] Kondo**
Toshi!
**[17:55] Hijikata**
Kondo-san!
**[17:59] Hijikata**
Kondo-san!
**[18:02] Hijikata**
The snot is gone...?
**[18:05] Snot**
I'm sorry.
**[18:09] Snot**
For deceiving you this whole time...
**[18:25] Snot**
Toshi...
**[18:26] Hijikata**
N-No way...
**[18:29] Hijikata**
You're kidding me, the snot... You...
**[18:36] Snot**
I am the true identity of Isao Kondo.
**[18:44] Snot**
Snot Nebula 28...
***SIGN*** [Note: Spoof of the Japanese hero Ultraman and his home Nebula M78.]
**[18:49] Snot**
That is my home galaxy.
**[18:53] Snot**
I came to investigate Earth,
**[18:55] Snot**
so I commandeered the body of a gorilla,
**[18:58] Snot**
and altered my appearance to allow
me to live amongst humans.
**[19:05] Snot**
That would be me, Isao Kondo.
**[19:11] Snot**
Once my investigation was done, I was supposed
to be blown into a tissue and thrown away.
**[19:17] Snot**
But before I knew it, five years,
ten years had passed...
**[19:23] Snot**
The next thing I knew, I was
a middle-aged man.
**[19:27] Snot**
I had so much fun with you guys...
**[19:35] Hijikata**
Sno...
**[19:37] Hijikata**
Kondo-san...
**[19:39] Hijikata**
So everything I was trying to do to help
you would have destroyed you?
**[19:47] Snot**
That's how it should be.
**[19:48] Snot**
It's the fate of snot to be blown
into a tissue and thrown away.
**[19:52] Hijikata**
But...
**[19:53] Snot**
I've lived too long...
**[19:55] Snot**
I've grown too ugly and fat
to be kept inside a nose...
**[20:01] Snot**
I wanted you to send me off...
**[20:06] Snot**
Toshi, I wanted to be blown
into a tissue held by you...
**[20:11] Snot**
Can you do me this favor...friend?
**[20:16] Hijikata**
I'll come after you...
**[20:24] Hijikata**
Next time, I'll also become snot...
**[20:28] Snot**
I'll be waiting...
**[20:31] Snot**
I'll be waiting in
Otae-san's nostrils...
**[20:36] Hijikata**
Like hell I'd follow you there!!
**[20:39] Hijikata**
Talking snot is damn disgusting!
**[20:50] Snot**
Toshi...
**[20:52] Snot**
Your fly was open...
**[21:11] Kondo**
We're here, Toshi.
**[21:13] Kondo**
This is Ikezuya.
**[21:14] Kondo**
This will be an intense fight.
**[21:16] Kondo**
Stay focused.
**[21:19] Hijikata**
Kondo-san...
**[21:20] Kondo**
Hmm? What is it?
**[21:23] Hijikata**
Your snot's going Tarzan on you.
**[21:26] Kondo**
Oh, you're right.
**[23:01] Shin**
The second movie will be released next year.
**[23:04] Shin**
We have an interview with the gorilla author
**[23:06] ---**
in celebration of him finally finishing the original storyboard!
**[23:11] Shin**
Yeah, good work.
**[23:15] Shin**
Sure took you long enough.
**[23:17] Shin**
So how is it?
**[23:18] Shin**
Any comments now that it's done?
**[23:24] Shin**
Huh?
**[23:26] Shin**
Uh, then let me ask you this.
**[23:29] Shin**
Do I play a big role?
**[23:31] Shin**
Do I get any screen time?
**[23:37] Shin**
I don't understand what you're saying!
**[23:41] Shin**
Huh? What is it?
**[23:46] Shin**
Again?
**[23:48] Shin**
You're going to fart again?
**[23:50] Shin**
You'll pretend to burst with joy because you're done,
**[23:53] Shin**
but you'll just fart instead.
**[23:55] Shin**
We know it's coming.
**[23:57] Shin**
You can only trick us so many times...
**[24:00] Shin**
Gorilla!
**[24:02] ---**