# E251 - When Sleeping Under a Kotatsu, Make Sure You Don't Burn Your Balls
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GYX043PNR/when-sleeping-under-a-kotatsu-make-sure-you-dont-burn-your-balls)
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** Spring is here.
**[00:02] Gin**
Happy New Year!
**[00:07] Shin**
To all the people who helped us last year
**[00:10] Shin**
and all the viewers who watched this show.
**[00:17] Shin**
Yeah, if you wanted to sneak in a New Year greeting
**[00:20] ---**
at the beginning of an episode,
**[00:22] Shin**
you should have done it last week
**[00:24] Shin**
since the last episode was about New Year's envelopes.
**[00:34] Shin**
Hey!
**[00:35] Shin**
I can understand if you're too lazy to respond,
**[00:37] Shin**
but that doesn't make it okay to fart!
**[00:38] Shin**
That's plain rude!
**[00:44] Shin**
Hey!
***SIGN*** Kotatsu
**[02:21] Gin**
Do you think it's possible that humans evolved from kotatsu?
**[02:24] Shin**
What are you talking about?
**[02:26] Gin**
Humans are drawn to kotatsu by DNA.
**[02:30] Gin**
Isn't there a mythical creature that looks like this?
**[02:33] Gin**
Maybe humans and kotatsu used to be one and the same.
**[02:36] Shin**
I've never seen anything like that before.
**[02:37] Gin**
And then evolution gave us what is now
**[02:42] Gin**
humankind.
**[02:43] Shin**
That's a pretty biased example to use for humankind.
**[02:45] Kagura**
So we're trying to reunite with the kotatsu!
**[02:50] Sa**
You've finally realized the truth!
**[02:52] Sa**
It's time to unite with me, Gin-san!
**[02:55] Shin**
I have a feeling this was devolution.
***SIGN*** The End
***SIGN*** Shinsengumi Station
***SIGN*** New Year Greetings
**[04:02] Yama**
Gantan.
**[04:07] Yama**
Gantan?
**[04:12] Yama**
Gantan.
**[04:16] Yama**
Ganpan.
**[04:20] Yama**
Antan.
**[04:22] Yama**
Anpan!
**[04:24] Yama**
Anpan!
***SIGN*** The End
***SIGN*** Recycling Center Earth Defense Base
**[04:38] Gin**
Hey.
**[04:40] Gin**
Excuse me, can you buy this off me?
**[04:42] A**
Cut it out already.
**[04:45] A**
This isn't a dump.
**[04:47] Gin**
I'm not sure what's wrong, but the thermostat isn't working.
**[04:51] Sa**
You have to be stronger!
**[04:53] Gin**
I can't switch it off the strong setting.
**[04:55] A**
I thought the last segment ended!
**[04:58] Gin**
Can I trade this for something kotatsu-like?
**[05:00] A**
We don't deal in human trade.
**[05:05] Gin**
Huh?
**[05:06] Gin**
Hey, you've got a nice one here.
**[05:09] A**
Wait, that's...
***SIGN*** When Sleeping Under a Kotatsu, Make Sure You Don't Burn Your Balls
***SIGN*** Odd Jobs Gin-chan Snack Otose
**[05:21] Shin**
Good morning!
**[05:26] Shin**
Huh?
**[05:30] Shin**
Again?
**[05:31] Shin**
They're so hopeless.
**[05:33] Shin**
Hey!
**[05:35] Shin**
You're going to catch a cold if you sleep under the kotatsu!
**[05:38] Shin**
Cut that out! It's a disgrace!
**[05:41] Shin**
You too, Sadaharu!
**[05:44] Shin**
It's the first episode of the new year, and you're just sitting around.
**[05:47] Shin**
Everything is within reach of the kotatsu.
**[05:50] Shin**
How lazy can you be?
**[05:54] Gin**
Shut up.
**[05:56] Gin**
I'm staying here because it's cold.
**[06:00] Gin**
What's wrong with being lazy on New Year's, stupid?
**[06:03] Shin**
You're lazy every single day of the year!
**[06:06] Kagura**
Pachi-boy, I decided to
**[06:12] Kagura**
marry the kotatsu.
**[06:14] Kagura**
I can't live without it.
**[06:17] Otsu**
Everyone, Happy New Year!
**[06:18] Shin**
The kotatsu doesn't want a bride who never moves.
**[06:25] Otsu**
Thank you for coming to my concert on such a busy day to show your supportapoop!
**[06:28] Shin**
Could you get out of there?
**[06:30] Shin**
The fridge is empty because we haven't gone shopping recently.
**[06:34] Shin**
We don't have food for lunch.
**[06:36] Kagura**
What? We don't need to go shopping.
**[06:39] Kagura**
I've got lunch right here.
**[06:41] Kagura**
Piping hot meat buns.
**[06:44] Shin**
Uh, that's disgusting!
**[06:46] Shin**
You're not supposed to use a kotatsu that way!
**[06:47] Kagura**
Fine, you don't get any then.
**[06:49] Kagura**
Gin-chan, where's the mustard?
**[06:56] Gin**
We have some,
***SIGN*** Mustard
**[06:59] Gin**
but it's beyond the horizon.
**[07:01] Kagura**
Then I'll use the toothpaste.
**[07:04] Shin**
Enough already!
**[07:05] Shin**
Why do you have to be so lazy on the first episode of the year?!
**[07:08] Shin**
I understand the desire to be comfortable, but you're too comfortable!
**[07:10] Shin**
You've been like this ever since we got the new kotatsu!
**[07:13] Shin**
What if the little kids follow your example?!
**[07:15] Shin**
Can you pull it together?!
**[07:19] Shin**
Where's the plug?
**[07:21] Gin**
There isn't one.
**[07:23] Shin**
Don't lie to me!
**[07:25] ---**
Where is it?! Where did you hide it?!
**[07:27] Gin**
I said that there isn't one.
**[07:31] Shin**
Don't play dumb!
**[07:33] Shin**
If there isn't a plug, how do you turn it on?!
**[07:36] Gin**
There's no need to turn it off.
**[07:40] Gin**
Because
**[07:42] ---**
we're never leaving...
**[07:48] Shin**
S-Space...
**[08:00] Shin**
No, this is...
**[08:03] Shin**
This is a black hole!
**[08:10] Otsu**
That was "Your Brother is a ****"!
**[08:16] Otsu**
Thank you for listeningapoop!
**[08:20] All**
Thank you!
**[08:24] Otsu**
Does everyone love me?
**[08:28] All**
We love you!
**[08:30] Otsu**
Does everyone love me?
**[08:34] All**
We love you!
**[08:37] Otsu**
But the mothers in the PTA don't like this song very much.
**[08:55] Gin**
What are you doing, Pachi-boy?
**[08:57] Gin**
Cut down the racket.
**[08:58] Shin**
Wait!
**[08:59] Shin**
H-Hold on!
**[09:02] Shin**
Wh-What is this?!
**[09:04] Shin**
What's up with this kotatsu?!
**[09:05] Shin**
How is there a black hole under the kotatsu?!
**[09:09] Gin**
What are you talking about?
**[09:11] ---**
That's how every kotatsu works.
**[09:13] Gin**
Once you get under one, you can never leave.
**[09:15] Gin**
A square black hole that sucks
**[09:17] ---**
motivation from humans and grants pure ecstasy.
**[09:20] Gin**
That's what a kotatsu is.
**[09:21] Shin**
I've never heard that scary explanation before!
**[09:24] Shin**
That's not what I mean!
**[09:26] Shin**
There's something down there!
**[09:27] Shin**
I'm literally stuck now!
**[09:29] Shin**
Where did you find this thing, Gin-san?!
***SIGN*** Anti-Evil Ward
**[09:32] Gin**
They needed to find a way to dispose of it, so they gave it to me for free.
**[09:35] Gin**
I really like the design.
**[09:36] Gin**
Isn't it nice?
**[09:37] Shin**
The design?
**[09:38] Shin**
There are a bunch of creepy wards everywhere!
**[09:43] Shin**
What was it she said?
**[09:44] Shin**
The previous owner used this kotatsu to seal King Something-lo.
**[09:49] Shin**
It sounded scary, so I just ignored her and brought the kotatsu home.
**[09:51] Shin**
Uh, you heard the scary part!
**[09:54] Shin**
You only left out the "Picco"!
**[09:56] Shin**
King Piccolo's in there!
**[09:58] Gin**
Don't worry, it's not King Piccolo.
**[10:01] Gin**
I think it was King Diablo.
**[10:04] Shin**
That's even scarier!
**[10:06] ---**
And you're missing the point!
**[10:09] Shin**
So what does this mean?!
**[10:10] Shin**
Have we been sealed inside this kotatsu?!
**[10:13] Shin**
It's not that you don't want to get out, you can't!
**[10:16] Shin**
What are we going to do?!
**[10:17] Shin**
We're supposed to spend
**[10:18] ---**
the first episode of the year sitting under a kotatsu?!
**[10:22] Kagura**
Not just the first episode.
**[10:24] ---**
We'll be spending the entire year here.
**[10:26] Shin**
That can't last!
**[10:29] Gin**
What's wrong with being lazy for a bit?
**[10:32] Gin**
Pachi-boy, this is our sixth year.
**[10:36] Gin**
We may be following the Sazae-san tradition of never aging,
**[10:39] Gin**
but I'm almost 40 mentally.
**[10:42] Gin**
Mentally, I'm almost bald.
**[10:45] Shin**
Mentally?! You're physically bald!
**[10:49] Gin**
I'm tired of working this combover every week.
**[10:53] Gin**
Can't I just not worry about my hair for once?
**[10:57] Kagura**
Yeah, after six years, I've learned how to talk straight.
**[11:01] Kagura**
I'm tired of sounding stupid.
**[11:05] Shin**
That's crazy talk!
**[11:07] Kagura**
I'm tired of living a lie!
**[11:11] Shin**
Why are you bald?!
**[11:13] Shin**
Wh-What are you people doing?!
**[11:15] Shin**
You're supposed to be the main character and heroine in a Jump anime!
**[11:19] Gin**
Shut up. Don't be such a nag.
**[11:22] Kagura**
We took a whole year off so there
**[11:24] ---**
would be enough manga to resume the anime,
**[11:26] Kagura**
but now we're slacking again.
**[11:28] Gin**
When an episode in March
**[11:31] Gin**
is based on a chapter from the first issue of Jump that year,
**[11:33] Gin**
it's clear that there's a timing issue.
**[11:35] Gin**
We had two months to produce this episode?
**[11:37] Shin**
Hey!
**[11:38] Shin**
Stop it!
**[11:39] Shin**
That's a really delicate issue right now!
**[11:41] Shin**
You're not supposed to open that door right now!
**[11:43] Kagura**
They didn't plan ahead properly.
**[11:46] Kagura**
Any kid could tell you that a
**[11:48] ---**
chapter won't give you an entire episode.
**[11:50] Kagura**
The problem is when you have people
**[11:53] ---**
who don't plan ahead planning anime.
**[11:58] Gin**
Yeah, I'm getting sick of everything!
**[12:01] Shin**
Th-This is bad.
**[12:03] Shin**
They're losing all their motivation to the evil kotatsu!
**[12:07] Shin**
I need to get out of here before I go bald!
**[12:10] Shin**
Forget the animation quality, this anime is in trouble.
**[12:13] Shin**
I need to call for help!
**[12:17] Shin**
Somebody's here!
**[12:18] Shin**
Excuse me! Help us!
**[12:20] Shin**
We can't move!
**[12:22] Shin**
Please come in!
**[12:24] Zura**
What's that? Is something wrong, Shinpachi-kun?
**[12:27] Shin**
Katsura-san!
**[12:29] Zura**
This is pathetic!
**[12:31] Zura**
Gintoki, a warrior should not be living in squalor!
**[12:34] Zura**
You should be ashamed!
**[12:36] Shin**
Katsura-san, please listen to me!
**[12:38] Zura**
Silence! You can make excuses later!
**[12:40] Shin**
You've got it wrong!
**[12:42] Shin**
Listen to me first! Katsura-san, this is...
**[12:45] Zura**
It's not Katsura. It's Zura.
**[12:49] Zura**
Brr, I'm freezing.
**[12:52] Shin**
He went bald instantly!
**[12:54] Shin**
Hey! I told you to listen to me!
**[12:57] Shin**
Why are you immediately getting under the kotatsu?!
**[12:59] Shin**
And what's with that gross forehead?!
**[13:02] Zura**
Well, it's so cold outside.
**[13:04] Zura**
Too cold to be engaging in Joi activities.
**[13:07] Zura**
Though it's not just winter, since my body's starting to give out on me.
**[13:13] Zura**
My back hurts, my insurance doesn't cover anything,
**[13:16] Zura**
and I got weird monsters pestering me.
**[13:18] ---**
A trifecta of suck.
**[13:20] Shin**
Who is this old man?!
**[13:21] Zura**
Honestly, I envy you, Gintoki.
**[13:24] Zura**
I'm starting to think that I should have gotten a normal job.
**[13:28] Gin**
No, it's the same for everyone now,
**[13:30] Gin**
given the economy.
**[13:32] Shin**
Hey!
**[13:33] Shin**
When did this turn into a reunion for old geezers?!
**[13:35] Zura**
Sakamoto's the only one of us who's doing well.
**[13:38] Zura**
Takasugi went off his rocker.
**[13:40] Zura**
Though his family was always rich.
**[13:46] Zura**
So we work our entire lives and we're still worse off than those rich people.
**[13:50] Gin**
Pretty much.
**[13:52] Gin**
So we should go back to our kotatsu and rethink life.
**[13:57] Shin**
How do you go back to your kotatsu?
**[13:58] Shin**
Shouldn't you be going back to your hometown instead?
**[14:01] Zura**
But aren't you going to settle things with Takasugi?
**[14:03] Gin**
Takasugi? Who are you talking about?
**[14:06] Gin**
I've forgotten who he is since he never shows up.
**[14:09] Gin**
I'll just write some bad stuff about him on an online forum
**[14:11] ---**
and that'll be the end of that.
**[14:13] Shin**
How does that settle anything?!
**[14:15] Zura**
Yeah, if we bring him in, we'll have to
**[14:17] ---**
go through the trouble of a Joi past arc.
**[14:19] Zura**
Do you have anything in mind?
**[14:21] Gin**
Hell no.
**[14:23] Gin**
What about you?
**[14:24] Zura**
What actually happened in our past?
**[14:27] Gin**
No kidding.
**[14:27] Shin**
Shut up! Just shut up!
**[14:30] Shin**
You're not supposed to say that stuff!
**[14:32] Shin**
It's over!
**[14:32] Shin**
This anime is falling apart!
**[14:35] Shin**
Someone save us!
**[14:36] Otae**
Oh, why are you making such a racket, Shin-chan?
**[14:39] Kyu**
Did something happen?
**[14:40] Shin**
Sis! Kyubei-san!
**[14:42] Otae**
Oh, everyone's together for a New Year's party!
**[14:45] Shin**
What?! It's balding hell in here!
**[14:48] Shin**
Sis, stay away!
**[14:51] Shin**
If you get under the kotatsu, you'll never be able to leave!
**[14:53] Shin**
It'll take away all your motivation
**[14:54] ---**
and turn you into a shell of a heroine!
**[14:58] Otae**
You should have told me sooner!
**[15:01] Shin**
Huh? Who is that?
**[15:02] Shin**
Where did that old man come from?
**[15:04] Otae**
I'm sick of this.
**[15:05] Otae**
Why do I only get brief appearances?
**[15:08] Otae**
What do you take me for?!
**[15:10] Shin**
Sis?!
**[15:12] Shin**
You've already mastered that style?!
**[15:13] Shin**
You're more like an old man than a real old man!
**[15:15] Shin**
And why won't any of you listen to me?!
**[15:17] Kyu**
T-Tae-chan!
**[15:19] Shin**
Kyubei-san! You're the only one who can help us!
**[15:20] Shin**
Please do something!
**[15:24] Kyu**
Man and woman. We can finally be together
**[15:27] Shin**
How?! You're both old men now!
**[15:32] Kyu**
I screwed up!
**[15:35] Otae**
Now, now.
**[15:37] Otae**
Forget about men and women and just relax.
**[15:40] Shin**
You're nothing more than an old man now!
**[15:43] Kyu**
But strangely enough, I feel satisfied
**[15:46] Kyu**
A kotatsu is a mysterious thing.
**[15:48] Kyu**
If I can be under the same kotatsu as Tae-chan,
**[15:51] Kyu**
it doesn't matter if I'm a man or a woman.
**[15:55] Shin**
I just said that you're an old man!
**[15:57] Otae**
I don't think I care about reviving the dojo anymore.
**[16:01] Shin**
The kotatsu has nothing to do with our dojo!
**[16:04] Otae**
Honestly, I'd given up around the third year of the anime.
**[16:09] Otae**
On the dojo and on my brother.
**[16:11] Shin**
Why do you look so happy as you slander me?!
**[16:14] Kagura**
Yeah, it's not easy to be unmarried with a kid at that age.
**[16:19] Shin**
I'm not her kid!
**[16:20] Kagura**
He said he would help you revive the dojo,
**[16:23] Kagura**
but he just stands around while his sister works at a cabaret club.
**[16:27] Shin**
Could you stop badmouthing me?
**[16:29] Gin**
I've heard that he spends his time fooling
**[16:32] ---**
around at some kind of odd job.
**[16:34] Gin**
He's like a cancer.
**[16:36] Shin**
Aren't you my boss?!
**[16:39] Gin**
Why would you want to learn about samurai?
**[16:41] Gin**
That's so general.
**[16:43] Gin**
It's like a person who says he wants to be a musician
**[16:45] Gin**
and performs on the street instead of auditioning.
**[16:48] Shin**
What's wrong with performing on the street?!
**[16:50] ---**
I'm gonna kill you!
**[16:51] Kagura**
You'd be better off just sitting under a kotatsu.
**[16:56] Otae**
That's right. Just kick back and relax.
**[16:59] Shin**
It's no use! The situation's only getting worse!
**[17:03] Shin**
Isn't there a savior out there to help?!
**[17:05] Kondo**
Shinpachi-kun, you don't need to worry.
**[17:08] Kondo**
You aren't the only ones relaxing.
**[17:11] Shin**
You were down there?!
**[17:13] Shin**
You two can't help! You need help!
**[17:16] Shin**
These are the characters who are always failing!
**[17:20] Sa**
I'm getting tired of being a stalker.
**[17:23] Kondo**
It's time for us to graduate.
**[17:26] Shin**
Did you forget that you just popped out from under the kotatsu?!
**[17:29] Sa**
I've worked so hard to win his love.
**[17:35] Sa**
I did everything humanly possible.
**[17:38] Sa**
But I've finally noticed that there's
**[17:40] ---**
been someone else waiting for me.
**[17:44] Shin**
Nobody's waiting for you.
**[17:47] Sa**
Once I realized that, I lost interest.
**[17:51] Kondo**
Yeah, I know what you mean.
**[17:53] Kondo**
Then the tables are turned.
**[17:56] Kondo**
We've always been on the pursuing side.
**[17:59] Kondo**
It feels weird to be pursued.
**[18:01] Shin**
Nobody's after you!
**[18:03] Shin**
And why are two bald people engaging in girl talk?
**[18:07] Zura**
I see, so we're tired of pursuing and being pursued.
**[18:12] Zura**
Yes, I learned that lesson the hard way.
**[18:16] Zura**
When I close my eyes, I can remember
**[18:18] ---**
the days spent in pursuit and being pursued.
**[18:20] Shin**
Uh, Katsura-san, you've only ever been pursued!
**[18:23] Shin**
You've always got the cops on your tail!
**[18:25] Zura**
Then let's forget everything and relax.
**[18:29] Shin**
Why are you acting like you're not a criminal?!
**[18:40] Kondo**
That's right. We are no longer Shinsengumi and Joi.
**[18:44] Kondo**
Starting today,
**[18:48] Both**
we're lazy bums.
**[18:50] Shin**
That's not touching at all!
**[18:52] Shin**
You're both just failing at life!
**[18:54] Madao**
Oh, everyone's here.
**[18:58] Gin**
Hey, you're late, Hasegawa-san.
**[19:00] Madao**
Sorry, sorry.
**[19:02] Shin**
Why are you bald before you even got under the kotatsu?!
**[19:05] Shin**
You didn't have any motivation to begin with!
**[19:06] Shin**
And what do you mean he's late?
**[19:07] Shin**
Is there some way for lazy people to communicate with each other?!
**[19:10] Gin**
Okay, now that everyone's here, let's relax.
**[19:19] Shin**
What the hell is this?!
**[19:21] Shin**
Why do you have to act like this in the first episode of the new year?!
**[19:38] Shin**
This is an anime.
**[19:44] Shin**
You're supposed to move.
**[19:47] Shin**
I'll kill you.
**[19:54] Kagura**
Oh, sorry.
**[19:58] Gin**
Uh, you're breathing on me.
**[20:00] Sa**
Sadaharu-kun, could you move over a little?
**[20:07] Kondo**
Wait, there's no room over here.
**[20:09] Sa**
Oh, sorry.
**[20:31] All**
We can't relax.
**[20:33] Shin**
No shit!
**[20:35] Gin**
Leave!
**[20:35] Gin**
You're taking up all the space so I can't even turn over!
**[20:39] Gin**
I bought this kotatsu so I could relax!
**[20:42] Gin**
Why are you people trying to relax in someone else's home?!
**[20:45] Madao**
You always get to relax!
**[20:48] Madao**
Why don't you leave?!
**[20:49] Sa**
Excuse me! This is Gin-san's home!
**[20:51] Sa**
Outsiders should scram!
**[20:53] Kagura**
You're also an outsider!
**[20:55] Kondo**
How about we get rid of this dog first?!
**[20:58] Otae**
We should kick the gorilla out first!
**[21:00] Gin**
Stop whining, freaks! None of you paid for this!
**[21:03] Zura**
You didn't pay anything either!
**[21:05] Kyu**
I can't even get out of here!
**[21:06] Kyu**
What's wrong with this kotatsu?!
**[21:07] Zura**
Oh! Stop pushing!
**[21:12] Gin**
Outta the way! I wanna relax!
**[21:41] Gin**
Huh?
**[21:42] Gin**
What were we doing?
**[21:47] Gin**
Hey, Shinpa—
**[21:51] Shin**
I'm too lazy to say anything.
***SIGN*** Odd Jobs Gin-chan Snack Otose
**[21:55] All**
Sorry.
***SIGN*** Next Time Untitled