E250 - New Year's Envelopes Are Perfect for Dirty Jokes Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) SIGN    New Year's Envelopes Are Perfect for Dirty Jokes SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan     Snack Otose [01:50] Kagura     Gin-chan, Gin-chan. [01:52] Kagura     Give me my New Year's envelope! [02:03] Kagura     Give me my New Year's envelope. [02:08] Kagura     New Year's envelope— [02:09] Gin     Where did you pick up that nasty habit? [02:13] Gin     A young lady shouldn't     be begging for money. [02:18] Kagura     But everyone else was doing it. [02:20] Kagura     They said that grown-ups     on Earth somewhere [02:22] ---     are supposed to give us New Year's envelopes. [02:25] Kagura     Hey, Gin-chan. [02:26] ---     What's inside a New Year's envelope? [02:29] Kagura     Hey, give me a New Year's envelope! [02:34] Gin     Are you sure you want one? [02:37] Kagura     Yup. I don't know what a New Year's     envelope is, but it's free. [02:42] Gin     You won't regret your decision? [02:45] Kagura     Huh? [02:46] Gin     Are you prepared to accept     a New Year's envelope, [02:52] ---     no matter what may happen? [02:54] Kagura     Don't scare me. [02:55] Kagura     It can't be that big a deal. [02:58] Kagura     Gin-chan? [03:03] Kagura     Gin-chan...? [03:12] Kagura     Gin-chan! [03:14] Kagura     Are you okay, Gin-chan?! [03:18] Kagura     Hang in there! [03:19] Kagura     What... What's wrong? [03:23] Kagura     Gin-chan! [03:31] Gin     Take these... [03:34] Gin     Th-They were inside my     New Year's envelope. [03:39] Kagura     Gin-chan! [03:41] Kagura     G-Gin-chan, what are these? [03:43] Kagura     What is a New Year's     envelope supposed to be?! [03:49] Kagura     H-Have I taken something very,     very important from you? [03:56] Gin     I-It's okay... [03:57] Gin     I always knew this day would come. [04:02] Gin     To be honest, I was always afraid. [04:06] Gin     Afraid that you would ask     for a New Year's envelope... [04:10] Gin     That our lives would fall apart... [04:14] Kagura     I-I'm sorry, Gin-chan. [04:17] Kagura     I had no idea! [04:19] Kagura     I didn't realize New Year's     envelopes were such a big deal! [04:22] Kagura     I don't need one then! [04:23] Kagura     I don't need these mochi balls! [04:28] Kagura     So, Gin-chan... [04:30] Gin     Kagura, this is what happens when [04:32] ---     you take a New Year's     envelope from an adult. [04:36] Kagura     Gin-chan! [04:38] Gin     But you said that you wanted     a New Year's envelope, [04:44] ---     no matter what happened. [04:47] Gin     In that case, you shouldn't look back. [04:53] Gin     You must cross my dead body,     the dead bodies of us adults. [04:59] Gin     Kagura... [05:00] Gin     You must collect seven of those balls. [05:03] Gin     Claim those bloody phantom jewels from [05:06] ---     relatives around the world. [05:08] Gin     If you collect seven, you'll     receive the legendary treasure [05:13] Gin     that will grant the wish of any kid. [05:16] Gin     The Treasure Balls. [05:18] Gin     I know... I know you can     make your wish come true. [05:23] Gin     For my sake... [05:29] Kagura     Gin-chan... [05:32] Kagura     Gin-chan! [05:35] Kagura     In your dreams! [05:39] Kagura     Hey, what's a Treasure Ball? [05:42] Kagura     You came up with that gross act [05:45] Kagura     because you didn't want to give     me a New Year's envelope?! [05:48] Kagura     This is the year of the     dragon, not the pig! [05:50] Gin     O-Oh, you knew I was lying? [05:53] Gin     That's not nice of you. [05:54] Kagura     I was playing along to soften you     up, but you took it way too far! [05:58] Gin     But now you understand     how difficult it is [06:00] Gin     for grown-ups to provide     New Year's envelopes. [06:03] Kagura     I can't understand why someone     would spit out white balls [06:06] Kagura     when someone asks for     a New Year's envelope! [06:08] Gin     Don't blame me. [06:09] ---     I lost all my Treasure     Balls to the other kids. [06:13] Kagura     You mean you lost them     at a pachinko parlor! [06:16] Gin     No wonder I'm coughing up Treasure Balls. [06:18] Gin     I also coughed up the Treasure     Soup I had for breakfast. [06:21] Kagura     In that case, you should     just give me everything! [06:25] Shin     Seriously, why are you fighting     on the first day of a new year? [06:29] Shin     Happy New Year. [06:31] Shin     Here you are, Kagura-chan. [06:34] Kagura     Huh? What's that? [06:35] Shin     What? You're supposed to give people [06:37] ---     New Year's envelopes on New Year's Day. SIGN    New Year's Envelope     Kagura-chan [06:39] Kagura     Oh, really?! [06:41] Kagura     You're awesome, Shinpachi! [06:42] Shin     Nah, Sis told me to bring this to you. [06:45] Kagura     I see! Yay! [06:48] Shin     I didn't expect to     receive one at this age. [06:52] Shin     Well, I guess Sis still     thinks I'm just a kid. [06:55] Shin     But I hope I can grow up to be like her. [06:59] Shin     An adult who has plenty     of money to give to kids. [07:02] Kagura     That's right. [07:03] Kagura     I don't want to grow up to be an     adult who coughs up white balls. [07:08] Shin     Yeah, I don't want to grow up     to be an adult who hides indoors [07:11] Shin     because he doesn't want to     give out New Year's envelopes. [07:15] Gin     Hey! Don't think I can't hear you! [07:18] Gin     Why don't I get a New Year's envelope?! [07:20] Gin     That's no fair! [07:22] Shin     That's why you're mad?! [07:23] Shin     You need to grow up, Gin-san! [07:26] Shin     You're supposed to be handing out     envelopes, not receiving them! [07:29] Kagura     Can't you act like a leader for once? [07:32] Gin     What are you talking about, fools? [07:34] Gin     A real man never drops     the ball, or his balls. [07:43] Shin     Here, use this. [07:47] Gin     Huh? [07:48] Shin     We knew you wouldn't have any money left, [07:52] ---     so we saved some of our pay. [07:54] Kagura     You can use it to do     something good for once. [07:58] Shin     You need to give us a     reason to feel proud [08:00] ---     that you're our leader. [08:05] ---     You... [08:06] Kagura     And you have to pay back     every penny, with interest. [08:09] Gin     Thank you! [08:11] Gin     Then I'll go triple the money so     I have enough to give everyone! [08:18] Tama     Gintoki-sama? [08:20] Tama     Happy New Year, Gintoki-sama. [08:23] Shin     Tama-san! [08:24] Tama     Shinpachi-sama, Kagura-sama,     happy New Year. [08:28] Shin     Oh, happy New Year. [08:31] Kagura     Happy New Year. [08:32] Kagura     Oh, that's right. [08:34] Kagura     Start by giving one to Tama, moron. [08:37] Kagura     Don't drop the ball. [08:38] Gin     That's not funny! [08:39] Shin     Oh, that's right. Tama     may look like an adult, [08:43] Shin     but she was created a short while     ago, so she should get one? [08:47] Tama     Yes, it says on Wikipedia that     I was born on August 16th, 2007. [08:52] Shin     What's that? Wikipedia     exists in this world? [08:55] Tama     It most certainly does. [08:56] Kagura     Then what does it say about the fact [08:58] Kagura     that there are barely any     Amanto-like Amanto showing up? [09:01] Tama     The new restrictions aren't helping, [09:03] Tama     and it's a pain in the ass to     come up with new characters. [09:05] Tama     That's what it says. [09:05] Shin     It doesn't say that anywhere! [09:07] Shin     That came straight from     the author himself! [09:10] Kagura     Anyway, Tama is like a reverse     Conan-kun, so give her an envelope. [09:14] Gin     No, she looks like an adult,     so she doesn't count. [09:17] Gin     You can't reverse everything! [09:19] Gin     Let's go look for a real kid. [09:22] Cath     If you're looking for a kid to give a     New Year's envelope, there's one right here. [09:26] Gin     Shut up. I don't need     a catty hag nagging... [09:29] Cath     It's me, Tama-chan. [09:31] Cath     Mister, give me an envelope. [09:33] Cath     Die! [09:38] Cath     I wanted a few more lines... [09:42] Gin     Tsk, Shinpachi looks more like     Tama-chan when crossdressing than you do! [09:46] Shin     That's why you snapped?! [09:47] Shin     You're probably right though! [09:52] Sei     Oh, it's Gin-san! [09:54] Sei     What? Are you visiting     everyone for New Year's? [09:56] Sei     Happy New Year! [09:57] Gin     Don't "happy New Year" me. [10:00] Gin     In the manga, this chapter     ran before New Year's, [10:02] Gin     and we're airing this episode in March. [10:05] Gin     So you're trying to turn back the [10:07] ---     clock so you can get     a New Year's envelope. [10:09] Sei     New Year's envelope? [10:11] Sei     From you, Gin-san?! [10:12] Tsu     Hinowa! [10:13] Hino     I know! [10:15] Hino     Close the Yoshiwara ceiling! [10:17] All     Yes, ma'am! [10:18] Hino     Emergency alert! [10:19] Hino     Tell all the residents     to brace for impact! [10:22] Hino     All hands prepare for an aerial assault! [10:24] All     Aye, aye! [10:25] Gin     What do you expect to come falling down?! [10:27] Gin     Do you want me to kill you all?! [10:29] Sei     Th-That means... [10:31] Gin     I came all the way out here. [10:33] Gin     Just take it. [10:34] Sei     Y-Yay! [10:36] Sei     Gin-san came here to give     me a New Year's envelope! [10:39] Tsu     What happened? Are you dying? [10:41] Tsu     Are you going to die? [10:42] Gin     Shut up! He's the only kid I could     think of, so I had to come here! [10:46] Hino     Isn't that wonderful, Seita? [10:48] Sei     Yup! [10:48] Shin     Look at how happy he is. [10:51] Shin     See? It's not a bad idea     to be nice once in a while. [10:53] Gin     Keep your mouth shut. [10:54] Gin     Are you satisfied now? [10:55] ---     Sorry. [10:57] Hino     That's right. [10:58] Hino     I also prepared a New Year's     gift to show my appreciation. [11:02] Hino     Shinpa-san, Kagura-chan, [11:04] Hino     please take these. [11:07] Hino     Tsukuyo. [11:11] Tsu     Take whichever one you want. [11:15] Tsu     We discovered the golden rod and balls [11:17] ---     in Hosen's safe the other day. [11:19] Sei     I received this golden     piece as a New Year's gift! [11:23] Sei     Isn't it pretty? [11:25] Sei     Oh, what are you going to give me? [11:27] Sei     Something golden? [11:29] Hino     Gin-san will probably     give you a silver rod. [11:31] Hino     Nah, probably a silver ball. [11:34] Gin     I'll go buy some silver paint     that's safe for your skin. [11:38] Gin     Silver soul! [11:40] Gin     Uh, what am I supposed to do? [11:42] Gin     What do you want me to do? [11:44] Gin     They're looking for golden balls. [11:45] Gin     All I got are some sagging balls. [11:47] Shin     That doesn't mean you should     paint your balls silver. [11:50] Kagura     Make them stop sagging. [11:52] Gin     It doesn't work that way! [11:54] Gin     This trade would be like highway robbery! [11:58] Shin     It's the thought that counts. [12:00] Gin     Then you go give them your thought! [12:02] Kagura     Calm down. Just make them stop sagging. [12:04] Gin     I said that it doesn't work that way! [12:06] Sei     Uh, is something wrong, Gin-san? [12:09] Gin     No, you see... [12:12] Tsu     Ahem. [12:17] Tsu     I'll let you borrow this. [12:18] Tsu     Hand it to him. [12:20] Both     She's helping us! [12:22] Both     She's letting us rent a golden bar! [12:25] Gin     I can't afford to borrow that! [12:28] Gin     I won't be able to pay you back! [12:30] Tsu     We're only letting you borrow     this temporarily anyway. [12:33] Gin     I don't need it! [12:35] Gin     You think I can hand that     over with a straight face?! [12:37] Tsu     Stop trying to act tough! [12:39] Gin     Keep your voice down! He'll hear you! [12:42] Tsu     It's your fault for refusing to take it! [12:45] Gin     You're talking out loud and     covering up your coughing! [12:48] Shin     Hey! [12:49] Shin     Gin-san, Tsukuyo-san! [12:50] Shin     We can hear everything you're saying! [12:53] Shin     Seita-kun's trying to pretend     that he didn't see anything! [12:56] Gin     Fine. [12:57] Gin     If you're gonna insist, I'll borrow it. [12:59] Gin     Don't look at me. [13:01] Gin     Where? Where is it? [13:03] Tsu     Right here. [13:04] Tsu     The rod is right here. [13:05] Gin     Rod? [13:06] Tsu     No, it's lower. [13:10] Gin     Rod? This is more like a ball. [13:13] Tsu     What do you think you're doing?! [13:15] Sei     G-Gin-san! [13:23] Gin     And there's your New Year's envelope. [13:36] Kagura     Are you going to keep     coughing up white balls? [13:39] Kagura     The last pair was half-digested. [13:43] Gin     I won't be able to use that trick again. [13:45] Shin     You never should have been     able to use that trick. [13:47] Gin     Let's just stop. [13:48] Gin     This isn't my thing. [13:52] Gin     I'm not the kind of person     who hands out money. [13:56] Gin     Let's just spend it on ourselves     and go out on the town. [13:59] Gin     It's on me. [14:00] Shin     Don't spend our hard-earned     money on yourself! [14:04] Gin     But there aren't any     other kids in this show. [14:06] Gin     All we got are a bunch of     old men who act like kids. [14:09] Shin     Nobody ever said that you [14:10] ---     have to give New Year's     envelopes to kids. [14:12] Shin     You could give one to     a younger colleague. [14:14] Gin     Colleague? I don't have any of those. SIGN    Gintoki-senpai! [14:20] Gin     Hey, who was that?! SIGN    Oh, it's Gintoki-senpai! [14:22] Zura     Oh, Gintoki. [14:23] Zura     Come over here. I just     met a familiar face. [14:28] Zura     Do you remember him? [14:30] Zura     We fought together as Joi. [14:34] Zura     Elisugizabe... [14:36] Gin     When did this monster become     a colleague of mine? SIGN    That's mean, senpai. How could you forget about me? You'll destroy the world then. [14:39] Gin     Why are you using these new signs?! [14:43] Gin     And that won't destroy the world! [14:44] Zura     How could you forget our comrade? [14:48] Zura     No matter. It's New Year's, so     you should give him an envelope. SIGN    I simply destroy. [14:52] Gin     That ain't happening!     He's so obviously a fake! SIGN    Until the beast stops howling. [14:55] Gin     And why are you talking like Takasugi?! [14:58] Zura     You haven't changed at all, Zabethke. SIGN    You may complain now, SIGN    but you'll give me a New Year's envelope in the end. SIGN    That's what makes you Gintoki-senpai! [15:05] Gin     Why are you acting like     this happened before?! [15:07] Gin     I'm not giving you anything! [15:09] Zura     Oh, that's right. [15:10] Zura     I have envelopes for     Shinpachi-kun and Leader. [15:14] Zura     Take your pick. [15:17] Kagura     Really, Zura? SIGN    Joi Patriot Training Course 10,000 yen SIGN    Joi Patriot Training Course 5,000 yen [15:20] Zura     Tickets for 5,000 yen and 10,000     yen Joi Patriot training courses. SIGN    Become a Joi Patriot!!! 5,000 yen course [15:25] Zura     The 5,000 yen course makes you     a Joi patriot in three days. SIGN    Become a Joi Patriot!!! 10,000 yen course [15:28] Zura     The 10,000 yen course is the     same as the 5,000 yen course, [15:31] Zura     but you also receive 5,000 yen! [15:33] Both     Then you only need to offer     the 5,000 yen course! [15:36] Kyu     Gintoki! [15:38] Gin     Hm? It's Kyubei. [15:41] Gin     Why are you in such a rush? [15:43] Kyu     Yes, I've been hearing stories about you. [15:45] Gin     About me? [15:47] Kyu     Well, I heard you were     passing out balls today. [15:52] Gin     That would make me a sicko! [15:54] Gin     That's not even possible! [15:55] Gin     It's not like I have extra balls! [15:57] Kyu     What? Impossible! [15:58] Shin     Uh, why would you ever     believe those stories? [16:01] Shin     And what would you do with those balls? [16:04] Kyu     If I also received a rod next year,     I'd be set for the operation. [16:08] Gin     I'm not handing out anything! [16:09] Gin     And what do rods have     to do with New Year's?! [16:13] Gin     You're just being weird! [16:14] Tojo     Young lady! [16:17] Tojo     Don't do it! [16:19] Kyu     Tojo... [16:20] Tojo     Don't do it! [16:21] Tojo     You must not touch his spineless balls! [16:25] Kyu     Balls never have spines. [16:27] Tojo     That's not what I meant! [16:28] Kyu     What's the problem then? [16:30] Tojo     Everything! His dirty balls are not     meant for a well-to-do lady like yourself! [16:35] Gin     Eh? Did you say my balls are dirty? [16:37] Gin     They're cleaner than yours! [16:39] Gin     Squeaky clean! [16:40] Tojo     No! Mine are absolutely cleaner! [16:42] Tojo     Because I just visited a ****     on the first day of the year [16:46] Tojo     and got them washed squeaky clean! [16:47] Tojo     I can prove it! [16:52] Gin     Hey, let's stop this. [16:54] Gin     Obviously, nothing good happens when I     try to hand out New Year's envelopes. [16:57] Gin     I haven't even managed     to hand one over yet. [16:59] Shin     Th-That's not true. [17:01] Gin     Since kids and colleagues are     out, who does that leave? SIGN    New Year's envelope please. [17:17] Gin     Hey, let's stop this. [17:19] Gin     Obviously, nothing good happens when I     try to hand out New Year's envelopes. [17:22] Gin     I haven't even managed     to hand one over yet. [17:25] Shin     Th-That's not true. [17:27] Gin     Since kids and colleagues are     out, who does that leave? SIGN    New Year's envelope please. [17:39] Gin     H-Hey, let's stop this. [17:42] Gin     Obviously, nothing good happens when I     try to hand out New Year's envelopes. [17:45] Gin     I-I haven't even managed     to hand one over yet. SIGN    New Year's envelope please. [17:55] Gin     Hey! Let's stop this! [17:58] Gin     Obviously, nothing good happens when I     try to hand out New Year's envelopes! [18:01] Gin     I haven't even managed     to hand one over yet! [18:03] Shin     That's not true! [18:04] Gin     Since kids and colleagues are     out, who does that leave?! [18:11] Gin     Hey, let's stop this. [18:14] Gin     Obviously, nothing good happens... [18:20] Madao     Happy New Year. [18:22] Gin     Where's the happy?! [18:23] Gin     We're stuck in this dark place now! [18:26] Shin     We've been trapped! [18:28] Gin     What did you do?! [18:30] Shin     Hey! His sunglasses are     actually pure darkness! [18:33] Shin     His eyes are completely dark now! [18:36] Madao     A new year has come, but the     darkness hasn't left my eyes. [18:40] Shin     His voice is ringing inside my head! [18:44] Madao     Perfect timing, Shinpachi-kun,     Kagura-chan. [18:47] Madao     I have New Year's envelopes for you. [18:49] Madao     You people keep taking from me. [18:53] Shin     No, it's okay! [18:54] Shin     We don't need anything! [18:54] Shin     There's nothing to take from you! [18:57] Madao     Cardboard wing. [18:59] Madao     Vinyl wing. [19:03] Madao     Rip off whichever one you want. [19:05] Shin     I can't do that! [19:06] Shin     They're worthless, but I can't do that! [19:09] Madao     Want to see what happens if you     rip off the cardboard wing? [19:12] Madao     I can't wait. [19:14] Gin     Hey, he did something funny     to the cardboard wing! [19:16] Madao     But the vinyl wing is also... [19:19] Gin     What's going on?! [19:21] Gin     Let's give him money and get out of here! [19:23] Gin     Why are we even here?! [19:24] Gin     I'm getting sick of     this, so can we go home? [19:26] Sa     No. [19:28] Sa     You're not doing it right. [19:31] Sa     Come over here. [19:34] Sa     Hey, did you know? [19:36] Sa     New Year's envelopes aren't     only meant for kids. [19:40] Sa     Welcome to the adult New Year's envelope. [19:45] Sa     I'll be the envelope for your rod. [19:49] Sa     My envelope is open for you. [19:52] Gin     I'll stick this ball     in your envelope then. [19:58] Gin     Sorry about this. [20:01] Gin     You were trying to help, [20:03] ---     but I couldn't give an     envelope to a single person. [20:06] Gin     I guess it's harder when     the money isn't my own. [20:10] Gin     I'll give this back to you. [20:13] Gin     And these, too. [20:17] Kagura     Gin-chan, what are these? [20:20] Gin     It wasn't easy. [20:21] Gin     I spend my money so fast SIGN    For Shinpachi [20:25] Gin     that I forgot where I hid my own money. SIGN    For Kagura [20:33] Gin     It was in my shoe. [20:36] Kagura     I see. That's why it stinks. [20:48] Shin     Well, now that we have money... [20:50] Kagura     Let's go party. [20:53] Gin     Hey, you were complaining     about how I spend money, [20:56] Gin     and now you're doing the same? [20:58] Shin     That's because you share     your soul with us everyday. [21:04] Shin     Money isn't meant to be held overnight. [21:06] Kagura     Right on! [21:08] Gin     What are you idiots talking about? SIGN    A massage from Gin-san (one time use). SIGN    A glasses-wiping by Gin-san (one time use). SIGN    Next Time [23:23] Shin     Hey! Why are you two just lying around?! [23:26] Kagura     What? I can't brush my teeth after     I'm already under a kotatsu. SIGN    When Sleeping Under a Kotatsu, Make Sure You Don't Burn Your Balls [23:31] Gin     Man, I'm too lazy to     read the episode title. [23:33] Shin     Hey! SIGN    The kotatsu is an enticing trap. Once you're inside, you're paralyzed. SIGN    We'll just be lying around next week. And don't say that we do that every week.