E245 - Thorny and Rosy

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:03] Tetsu
    My name is Tetsunosuke Sasaki
    who silences crying babies.
[00:06] Tetsu
    When I make curry, I add pickles, aye.
[00:09] Tetsu
    If someone looks evil,
    he's a buddy of mine.
[00:12] Tetsu
    We always wake up with some morning pine.
[00:14] Tetsu
    This is Isaburo Sasaki, my bro.
[00:17] Tetsu
    Head of the Mimawarigumi and always
    lookin' for a fightin' foe.
[00:20] Tetsu
    Here's Toshiro Hijikata, the boss guy.
[00:23] Tetsu
    A lot went down, but now, we fly?
[00:31] Tetsu
    I walk my life on the pedestrian road.
[00:37] Tetsu
    Got a heart of steel that will never blow.
[00:43] Tetsu
    Kou Shibasaki is my type of ho.
[00:48] Tetsu
    And that's the end of this recap, yo.
[00:55] Toshi
    How the hell was that a recap?!
[00:57] Tetsu
    Yeah.
SIGN    Thorny and Rosy
[02:53] Okita
    Welcome back, big guy.
[03:00] Okita
    That was mean of you.
[03:02] Okita
    I helped free you.
[03:08] Gin
    Oh, really?
[03:11] Gin
    But it's your fault I was
    arrested in the first place.
[03:18] Okita
    You should blame Hijikata-san
    and the rich dumbass.
[03:21] Okita
    I didn't do anything wrong.
[03:24] Gin
    Yeah, neither did I.
[03:36] Isabu
    Please do not blame the Shinsengumi.
[03:42] Isabu
    It was entirely our fault.
[03:45] Isabu
    I must apologize.
[03:47] Isabu
    I did not realize he
    was a friend of yours.
[03:51] Isabu
    I am unable to properly
    express my remorse,
[03:54] Isabu
    so could you please give
    me your e-mail address?
[03:56] Isabu
    I will send a message of apology.
[04:00] Gin
    It's Die_Elite@bocomo.ne.jp.
[04:05] Isabu
    However, my nose is supposed
    to be as sharp as a Doberman's.
[04:09] Isabu
    And I could smell great wrongdoing
    coming from your body.
[04:14] Isabu
    Hm?
SIGN    The Perfect Happiness Theory The Joi Patriot Happiness Doctrine
[04:15] Isabu
    -Oh? It took me to an odd site...
[04:15] Gin
    -What? I smell?
[04:17] Gin
    It's been two days since I washed it,
[04:18] Gin
    but I only wore it when I went
    to the convenience store.
[04:21] Gin
    It should be okay.
[04:22] Gin
    Am I okay, Okita-kun?
[04:25] Okita
    Well, this person isn't exactly
    an innocent bystander.
[04:30] Okita
    If you round to the nearest
    degree, he's a criminal.
[04:33] Gin
    Don't make it sound so bad.
[04:35] Gin
    If you start rounding, everyone's
    a criminal, you fool.
SIGN    5:00 Wake up! Borrow milk from a neighbor. Find something to eat for breakfast. Yummy 6:00-6:30 Radio exercise. Grab extra snacks. 7:00-7:30 Kidnap a cucumber and waterboard it!!
[04:41] Gin
    Kids spend their entire summer
    vacation committing crimes,
[04:43] Gin
    except when they're exercising, you fool.
SIGN    8:00-9:45 Kid Summer Specials. Salt in old wounds. Lame 10:00-11:45 Pee in the pool, and visit the girls' locker room. Titter. Eat ramen, then run out of the store.
[04:47] Isabu
    We are willing to compensate you for
[04:49] ---
    your damaged scooter or any trauma,
[04:51] Isabu
    so please indicate your desired amount
SIGN    Weekday Sale
[04:53] ---
    on the back of this flyer.
[04:56] Isabu
    I don't want you pestering us later.
[05:00] Gin
    Back of the flyer?!
[05:01] Gin
    Don't look down on us common
    folk, you elite prick!
[05:04] Gin
    You think that's enough to
    soothe the wounds to my heart?!
[05:08] Gin
    Mind if I use toilet paper?
[05:10] Gin
    I need more room to work with.
[05:12] Okita
    Big guy, you're wasting your time.
[05:15] Okita
    They'll just flush it down the toilet.
[05:18] Okita
    Please carry on.
[05:21] Okita
    I appreciate this, Sasaki-dono.
[05:24] Gin
    Hey! What are you doing?!
[05:26] Okita
    Our vice chief screwed up,
    so I guess we're even now.
[05:31] Gin
    That's bullshit! How did
    I get dragged into this?!
[05:35] Isabu
    No, we're already asking you to
[05:37] ---
    dispose of the trash that is my brother.
[05:40] Isabu
    Though I'm willing to pay extra.
[05:43] Isabu
    We'll dispose of our own trash.
[05:46] Gin
    Yeah, you fool!
[05:48] Gin
    Let this guy handle it!
[05:50] Gin
    Don't call me trash, you fool!
[05:51] Okita
    Nah, he knows that you're
    too much to handle.
[05:55] Okita
    You realize that you're supposed
    to separate your trash?
[06:03] Okita
    Your non-combustible garbage
[06:07] Okita
    turned out to be pretty burnable.
[06:11] Okita
    It started a fire that's making
    us sweat in the middle of winter.
[06:14] Okita
    Well, he won't be very useful,
[06:17] ---
    but we'll use him until he's
    reduced to a pile of ashes.
[06:20] Okita
    Oh, throw that away for me.
[06:23] Isabu
    Okita-san, I have a warning for you.
[06:27] Isabu
    Rotten trash can never be restored.
[06:31] Isabu
    Instead, it spreads contagions
[06:33] ---
    which causes everything around to rot.
[06:36] Isabu
    You should dispose of it before the
[06:39] ---
    Shinsengumi are infected.
[06:42] Okita
    Let's go, big guy.
[06:44] Gin
    I'm not going with you!
[06:46] Gin
    Give me back my ten million!
[06:48] Gin
    Hundred million, billion...
[06:50] Gin
    Huh? How many zeros were there?
[06:52] Isabu
    Are you really so desperate for money?
[06:54] Gin
    Hell yeah!
[06:56] Gin
    Unlike you rich people,
[06:57] ---
    we can barely scrape by day to day!
[07:00] Isabu
    Then I have a job offer for you.
[07:08] Toshi
    Man, you're pathetic.
[07:10] Toshi
    At this rate, you won't
    last a day against the Joi.
[07:17] Toshi
    If you don't want to die,
    you have to become stronger.
[07:19] Toshi
    Give me three thousand
    swings before dinner.
[07:22] Tetsu
    V-Vice Chief...
[07:25] Tetsu
    I-I will become stronger.
[07:29] Tetsu
    S-Stronger than my brother,
    stronger than you!
[07:35] Tetsu
    I'll never stop in my tracks again.
[07:38] Tetsu
    I'm gonna catch up to everyone else.
[07:41] Tetsu
    Walk the same path...
[07:43] Tetsu
    S-So you can also become stronger!
[07:48] Tetsu
    Your brother doesn't hate you.
[07:55] Tetsu
    I'm sure that he misses you!
[07:58] Tetsu
    After all, you did everything you
    could to protect your brother!
[08:05] Tetsu
    Your brother did everything
    he could to protect you!
[08:10] Tetsu
    The two of you are true brothers!
[08:13] Tetsu
    I envy you.
[08:15] Tetsu
    So please don't run
    away from your brother!
[08:20] Tetsu
    Aren't you known as Thorny Toshi?!
[08:30] Toshi
    Man, which idiot opened his fat mouth?
[08:34] Toshi
    Listen up.
[08:35] Toshi
    You mention that name around me again,
[08:38] Toshi
    and I'll kill you by cramming
    mayonnaise in every orifice.
SIGN    Special Police
    Shinsengumi
[08:52] Tetsu
    Excuse me!
[08:53] Tetsu
    Vice Chief!
[08:56] Tetsu
    I bought you a yakisoba sandwich!
[09:00] Toshi
    No thanks!
[09:01] Toshi
    And I didn't even ask for a sandwich!
[09:03] ---
    You have the instincts of a doormat!
[09:05] Tetsu
    Vice Chief, let me give you a back rub!
[09:07] Toshi
    No thanks.
[09:08] Tetsu
    Vice Chief, need me to
    buy you more cigarettes?
[09:10] Toshi
    No thanks.
[09:11] Tetsu
    Vice Chief, shall I
    clean your room for you?
[09:13] Toshi
    Just cut it out already!
[09:15] Tetsu
    Vice Chief, I brought you mayonnaise.
[09:18] Toshi
    Thank you. That's enough, so go away.
[09:20] Tetsu
    Vice Chief, are you hard?
[09:23] Toshi
    I said to go away!
[09:25] Toshi
    Just do as you're told.
[09:28] Toshi
    Don't be a pain in the ass.
[09:29] Tetsu
    I'm so sorry!
[09:31] Tetsu
    I wanted to make myself useful!
[09:34] Toshi
    I can't get any work done
    if you keep bugging me.
[09:36] Toshi
    Forget it.
[09:37] Toshi
    Go deliver this for me.
[09:39] Toshi
    And take your time.
[09:43] Tetsu
    Vice Chief, is this letter for...?
[09:46] Toshi
    You're going to become stronger than me?
[09:48] Toshi
    Then show me what you're made of.
SIGN    Tamegoro Hijikata
[09:57] Tetsu
    Y-Yes, sir...
[09:59] Tetsu
    I promise to deliver!
[10:11] A
    Found him.
[10:17] A
    The target is alone.
[10:19] A
    Now's our chance to take him.
[10:21] A
    He's headed your way.
[10:24] A
    Everyone ready?
[10:25] A
    Don't let that traitor get away.
[10:28] B
    Hey, newbie. He's coming our way.
[10:31] B
    Don't let him out of your sight.
[10:34] B
    Hey, did you hear me?
[10:36] Gin
    Huh? Oh.
[10:38] Gin
    Aye, aye, sir.
[10:40] B
    Can we trust him?
[10:42] B
    He isn't taking this seriously.
SIGN    From: Sabu-chan
[10:46] Isabu
    Good work.
[10:48] Isabu
    How is everything going?
[10:49] Isabu
    Drop me a message every now and then.
[10:52] Gin
    What? You want me to go undercover?
[10:54] Isabu
    Yes. You see, the
    Mimawarigumi is currently
[10:57] ---
    pursuing a certain organization.
[10:59] Isabu
    I need you to infiltrate them
    and provide us with information.
[11:03] Gin
    Which organization are you talking about?
[11:05] Gin
    I'd be up for infiltrating AKB.
[11:07] Gin
    I'll investigate their BWHs.
[11:10] Gin
    It's probably the Joi, spelled JOY.
[11:12] Gin
    Ponytail and Shoo-Shoo, right?
[11:14] Gin
    That's some Heavy Low Tension.
[11:16] Isabu
    As you already know, we are
    elite cops by the elite,
[11:19] ---
    for the elite, and of the elite.
[11:22] Isabu
    If one of our elite members were
    to attempt to infiltrate the Joi,
[11:24] Isabu
    they would immediately
    notice our eliteness.
[11:27] Gin
    Don't you ever get sick of saying elite?
[11:29] Isabu
    Do you ever get sick of saying
[11:31] ---
    that AKB's Tomomi Itano is cute?
[11:34] Gin
    That metaphor wasn't very elite.
[11:37] Isabu
    However, a nasty fellow like you
    would have no trouble taking
[11:39] Isabu
    center stage with JOY and
[11:41] ---
    becoming their number one terrorist.
[11:43] Gin
    That wouldn't make me happy.
[11:45] Gin
    I'd be arrested on the spot.
[11:48] Isabu
    Our target is the Check It Out gang.
[11:51] Isabu
    They used to be a bunch of thug
[11:53] ---
    s who dissed the Bakufu
    with their rapping,
[11:55] Isabu
    but after continued internal
    strife and expansion,
[11:58] Isabu
    they transformed into a
    group of radical rebels.
[12:01] Isabu
    The gang is now using violence.
[12:04] Isabu
    We have reports that they are planning
SIGN    Check It Out Gang
[12:07] ---
    a large-scale terrorist attack.
[12:10] Isabu
    Your mission is to make contact
[12:13] ---
    and determine the time
    and place of this attack,
[12:16] Isabu
    as well as locate their
    base of operations.
[12:19] Isabu
    It will be a dangerous mission,
[12:22] ---
    but if you complete it, we
    will buy millions of your CDs.
[12:26] Isabu
    I promise that you will place
    first in the next poll.
[12:30] Gin
    I let him fool me into this mess,
[12:33] ---
    and they already want me
    to start committing crimes.
[12:37] Gin
    Good thing I didn't bring
    Shinpachi and Kagura.
[12:39] Gin
    I don't care if they want
    revenge on a traitor,
[12:42] Gin
    but that cop better take responsibility.
[12:45] Gin
    They'll get suspicious
    if I make a fuss now.
[12:48] Gin
    Guess I don't have a choice.
SIGN    From: Sabu-chan You have a new message. Urgent.
[12:51] Gin
    What? It's him again?
[12:52] Gin
    He's such a pest.
[12:54] Gin
    I don't have time to deal with him.
[12:56] Gin
    Huh? Urgent?
[12:57] Gin
    Did something happen?
[12:59] Isabu
    One of my men, Nobutasu, brought these.
[13:01] Isabu
    So yummy.
[13:02] Isabu
    If you don't hurry back, there
    won't be any left for you, Gin-tan.
[13:05] Isabu
    P.S. If you want some, send me a message.
[13:14] Isabu
    Just kidding.
[13:15] Isabu
    We saved some for you, so work hard.
[13:18] Isabu
    I bought a good luck
    charm to keep you safe.
[13:19] Isabu
    P.S. I'm worried about your
    safety. Please send me a message.
[13:29] Isabu
    I made a teru teru bozu
    so it wouldn't rain.
[13:31] Isabu
    P.S. What's the weather like where
    you are? Please send me a message.
[13:41] Isabu
    I'm praying for you to send me a message.
[13:43] Isabu
    P.S. Rabbits can die of loneliness.
[13:48] Gin
    Friggin' pain in the ass!
[13:51] Gin
    He really wants me to send a message!
[13:52] Gin
    Damn cell phone addict!
[13:54] Gin
    He's as bad as Shoko-tan!
[13:56] Gin
    I don't have time to send you messages!
[13:58] B
    Hey, what are you yelling
    about? Calm down!
[14:03] Gin
    And why is he so hyper when
    he's sending messages?
[14:07] Gin
    He's a different person
    when writing messages?
[14:08] Gin
    I'm working here!
[14:09] Gin
    Don't interfere!
[14:10] Gin
    Huh?
[14:14] Isabu
    It's a waste of time to destroy the phone.
[14:16] Gin
    It's a waste of time to be so prepared!
[14:19] Gin
    Can you stop interfering already?!
[14:22] Isabu
    I'm not interfering.
[14:24] Isabu
    I'm calling to let you know
    that our target is almost here.
[14:28] Gin
    Target?
[14:29] Isabu
    Please. Don't dawdle or he'll get away.
SIGN    Tamegoro Hijikata
[14:32] Tetsu
    The vice chief trusted me to
    deliver this important letter.
[14:36] Tetsu
    I-I will become stronger...
[14:40] Tetsu
    S-Stronger than my brother,
    stronger than you!
[14:45] Tetsu
    He wrote a letter to help encourage me!
[14:50] Toshi
    Then show me what you're made of.
[14:53] Tetsu
    He was letting me know that
    it was my turn to shine!
[14:57] Tetsu
    Vice Chief, I promise
    to deliver this letter!
[15:01] Tetsu
    I promise to become stronger
    than everyone else!
SIGN    Special Police Shinsengumi
[15:04] Tetsu
    I will catch up to you guys!
[15:08] Toshi
    Does he even know where to find a mailbox?
[15:14] Kondo
    Don't worry.
[15:15] Kondo
    Your message was delivered.
[15:18] Kondo
    Your message got to him.
[15:22] Kondo
    He'll be...
[15:24] Kondo
    Tetsu will be fine now.
[15:33] A
    You out on an errand, Tetsunosuke-kun?
[15:36] A
    You used to be one of us, Tetsu.
[15:38] A
    We all dissed the Bakufu together,
[15:42] A
    and now you're one of its dogs.
[15:44] A
    You've really fallen, traitor!
[16:23] Isabu
    Well met. It appears we have
    a problem on our hands.
[16:27] Isabu
    Who would have thought
    that we would have to
[16:29] Isabu
    come out here for the
    sake of that failure?
[16:32] Toshi
    Did you know about his connection
    to the Joi patriots?
[16:37] Isabu
    It appears that he concealed his identity
[16:39] ---
    and met with them from time to time.
[16:41] Isabu
    A fitting place to go for
    someone with nowhere to belong.
[16:45] Isabu
    I believe that their leader,
    Eni Men, was quite fond of him,
[16:49] Isabu
    or fond of his money, I should say.
[16:51] Isabu
    But as the gang grew violent,
[16:53] Isabu
    he feared that they would learn he was
[16:56] ---
    the brother of a cop, so he ran away.
[16:59] Isabu
    In the end, there was
    nowhere for him to go.
[17:03] Isabu
    And in the end,
[17:05] ---
    his identity was revealed
    in the worst possible way.
[17:08] Isabu
    The younger brother of
    the Mimawarigumi chief
[17:10] Isabu
    and the assistant to the
    Shinsengumi vice chief.
[17:14] Isabu
    This information would
    be enough to crush two
[17:18] ---
    of Edo's strongest police forces.
[17:21] Isabu
    A rather disparate trade.
[17:23] Isabu
    To think that fool would hold as
[17:25] Isabu
    much worth as the leaders of the
    Shinsengumi and Mimawarigumi?
[17:30] Isabu
    Onward, men.
[17:32] Isabu
    We need not concern ourselves
    with the hostage.
[17:33] Isabu
    Wipe out the Joi.
[17:36] Kondo
    W-Wait, Sasaki-dono!
[17:38] Kondo
    You're going to let your brother die?!
[17:40] Isabu
    Are you telling me to negotiate
    with the terrorists?
[17:43] Isabu
    Unfortunately, my life is
    worth far more than yours.
[17:47] Isabu
    As I said before,
[17:49] ---
    rotten trash causes everything
    around it to rot.
[17:54] Isabu
    This would never have
    happened if you had disposed
[17:58] ---
    of Tetsunosuke as I advised.
[18:02] Isabu
    Please get out of the way.
[18:04] Isabu
    You should be more worried
    about yourselves.
[18:07] Isabu
    After accepting a former
    Joi as an assistant and
[18:10] ---
    allowing him to be taken hostage,
[18:12] Isabu
    you have disgraced yourselves.
[18:15] Isabu
    If you also allow a son
    of the Sasaki family
[18:17] ---
    to die in your care,
[18:19] Isabu
    how can you ever make amends?
[18:21] Isabu
    As a fan, I'm eager to see what you do.
[18:26] Toshi
    Bastard... You used him as a pawn.
[18:29] Toshi
    So you were trying to eliminate two thorns
[18:31] ---
    in your side at the same time.
[18:33] Kondo
    Stop it, Toshi!
[18:34] Toshi
    You knew this would happen,
[18:36] Toshi
    yet you're blaming it all on us.
[18:39] Toshi
    Gonna pat yourself on the back for getting
[18:40] ---
    rid of us, along with your brother?
[18:43] Isabu
    You have it all wrong.
[18:45] Isabu
    I already said that I am a big fan.
[18:48] Isabu
    But there are many incompetents who do not
[18:51] ---
    know how to handle people like you.
[18:54] Isabu
    You must realize that we are nothing more
[18:56] ---
    than cogs in a larger machine.
[18:58] Isabu
    What about me?
[18:59] Isabu
    I understand that I am
[19:01] ---
    nothing more than a
    large and superior cog.
[19:06] Kondo
    You can spend the rest of your
    life blaming other people!
[19:09] Kondo
    Toshi!
[19:12] Isabu
    If you seek my head, it'll cost
    you a few heads of your own.
[19:23] Okita
    Go ahead and draw your sword.
[19:25] Okita
    I'll jam it right up your .
[19:29] Kondo*
    S-Stop this, Toshi, Sogo!
[19:32] Kondo
    Calm down!
[19:35] Kondo
    We don't have time for this!
[19:40] A
    Conflict! War! What is it good for?
[19:43] A
    Boys! These cops are about
    to tear into each other!
[19:46] A
    Watch closely!
[19:49] A
    This should be quite the show!
[19:53] A
    Mic check, one, two.
[19:55] A
    Hurry up and do it!
[19:56] A
    Clap your hands!
[19:58] A
    Party hard!
[19:59] A
    Arms in the air!
[20:01] A
    If you keep me waiting,
    my hand might slip!
[20:04] A
    Check it out! Check it out! Check it out!
[20:08] Kondo
    Toshi!
[20:13] Isabu
    Have you lost your mind, Hijikata-san?
[20:15] Isabu
    Move out of the way.
[20:23] Tetsu
    I will become stronger.
[20:27] Tetsu
    I'm gonna catch up to everyone else.
[20:28] Tetsu
    Walk the same path...
[20:31] Toshi
    I don't want to listen to those fools,
[20:33] Toshi
    but I can't let you pass either.
[20:38] Toshi
    This is our battle.
[20:41] Toshi
    We're ready to cut our way
    through the bramble to get in.
[20:44] Toshi
    Cut our way through the
    bramble to go home,
[20:47] Toshi
    bringing him and the
    other Thornies with us.
[20:51] Toshi
    We won't let anyone through if
    they don't have what it takes.
[20:59] Toshi
    It won't be easy to get
    through these thorns.
[21:04] Isabu
    I see.
[21:06] Isabu
    While you delay us and
    draw away their attention,
[21:11] Isabu
    a small force will circle
    around and rescue Tetsunosuke.
[21:15] ---
    Is that the plan?
[21:16] Isabu
    But I also sent someone from our side.
[21:19] Isabu
    I hope she can help.
[21:23] Isabu
    Nobume is an elite assassin
    from our killing squad.
[21:27] Isabu
    But once her switch is turned on,
[21:29] Isabu
    she doesn't stop until she's
    killed everyone in the vicinity,
[21:32] Isabu
    so I'm worried that she might
[21:34] ---
    harm the hostage and the rest of you.
[21:37] Toshi
    Enough chitchat.
[21:39] Toshi
    I can't stand the sight of your face.
[21:42] Toshi
    We both have an excuse to
    eliminate the other now.
[21:45] Toshi
    You should be happy.
[21:47] Isabu
    I believe that you look like
    anything but a cop right now.
[21:51] Toshi
    Right back at you.
[21:54] Both
    -Evil bastard.
    -Evil bastard.
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Hovering on
SIGN    the verge of death...
SIGN    Festival of Thornies
SIGN    Demon vs. Monster. Hijikata  vs. Isaburo. Okita vs. Nobume.
SIGN    Shinsengumi! Mimawarigumi! Check It Out  Gang! It's all-out war between bad boys!!