E203 - [Wartirine / Warti / Wartise] Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) [01:32] Shin     While the show was on a one year break, [01:34] Shin     Gin-san, Kagura-chan, and everyone else I knew changed into completely different people. [01:40] Shin     And they all claimed that two years had passed since the show went off the air. SIGN     [01:44] Shin     I tried to escape this cruel reality [01:46] Shin     and arrived at the beach, [01:48] Shin     only to find a very different Kyubei-san! [01:51] Shin     And there was more to come... [01:53] Katsura     Enough, Sir Kyubei. [01:56] ---     You... [01:57] Katsura     I... [02:02] Katsura     ...became Zurako! SIGN     [02:12] Shin     Your characters don't overlap at all! [02:14] Shin     You stinkin' lunatic! [02:18] Shin     You're the only one who's stupid enough to have his balls removed to avoid character overlap! [02:21] Shin     And hell, you're both trannies now! [02:25] Katsura     C-Curses! [02:26] Katsura     I was so focused on the details that I lost sight of the big picture! [02:30] Shin     That's not all you lost! [02:32] Katsura     Sir Kyubei! [02:34] Katsura     It appears that we are doomed to share the same character traits. [02:38] Katsura     One of us must be eliminated for the sake of more screen time. [02:43] Katsura     One has both balls and boobs. [02:45] Katsura     The other has neither balls nor boobs. [02:47] Katsura     Let us determine who the true transsexual is! [02:51] Both     The position of gay bar champion... [02:53] Both     ...shall be mine! [02:56] Shin     Is that even worth fighting over?! [03:00] Shin     What the hell... [03:01] Shin     First people growing, now people changing their gender... [03:05] Shin     The only thing that hasn't changed... [03:08] Shin     ...is how they're still a bunch of idiots. [03:11] Yama     There you are. SIGN     [03:13] Yama     Stinkin' four eyes. [03:14] Yama     You got guts to escape from your first day on the job, an? [03:18] Yama     You're ready to die, an? [03:26] Shin     O-Okita-san?! [03:28] Shin     That bazooka is Okita-san's! [03:29] Yama     What are you babblin' about? [03:31] Yama     I don't see you for a while, and you need glasses for your brain now, an? [03:35] Yama     It's me. [03:37] Yama     Vice-Commander of the Shinsengumi. [03:39] Yama     Jimmy Yamazaki, an? [03:42] Shin     What?! [03:46] Yama     Now move your ass, an? [03:47] Shin     No way! [03:49] Shin     Average Joe Yamazaki?! [03:50] Yama     That's ancient history! [03:52] Yama     Back when I was still a cherry boy! [03:56] Yama     I stand fully erect now! [03:58] Yama     I'm Jimmy Yamazaki, the vice-commander who makes crying babies cry harder, an? [04:04] Shin     Whoa! [04:05] Shin     What happened?! [04:06] Shin     You're addicted to anpan now! [04:08] Shin     It's even showing up in your speech! [04:11] Yama     Hey, start driving, an? [04:12] Hijikata     Uh... [04:13] Yama     I said to drive the damn car, nitwit! [04:16] Hijikata     Ow... [04:18] Hijikata     Well, I wanted to say hello first since it's been a while. [04:21] Yama     Nobody's gonna remember a no name like you, an? [04:25] Hijikata     It's been so long, Shinpachi-kun. [04:28] Hijikata     I'm Toshiro Hijikata. [04:30] Hijikata     Do you remember me? [04:32] Hijikata     Of course not. [04:33] Shin     Hi-Hijikata-san?! [04:34] Shin     Is this Hijikata-san?! [04:35] Shin     No way! [04:36] Shin     Hijikata-san would never smile like this! [04:39] Shin     Especially not after being slapped around by someone like Yamazaki-san! [04:41] Yama     Hey, what's that supposed to mean? Explain, Hijikata, an? [04:45] Shin     He's smiling after being hit for no reason! [04:49] Hijikata     A lot's happened. [04:51] Hijikata     I took over as commander after Kondo-san retired, [04:55] Hijikata     but it became painfully clear that ruling through fear would no longer work. [04:59] Hijikata     And after some thinking, I decided to halve my way of life, my mayonnaise intake, and my calorie intake. [05:05] Hijikata     As a result, I'm now known as Toshi-san, the Shinsengumi's collective bitch. [05:09] Shin     You ended up losing your position in the process! [05:12] Hijikata     Still, I never thought I'd have the opportunity to work with you. [05:15] Hijikata     It's making me blush. [05:16] Shin     Could you please stop being so creepy? [05:18] Hijikata     How are Gin-san and Kagura-chan doing? [05:21] Hijikata     They should have tagged along. [05:22] Hijikata     It's been pretty lonely without Kondo-san around. [05:24] Shin     Hijikata! [05:25] Shin     Enough already! [05:27] Shin     How can you call yourself Hijikata?! [05:28] Shin     How?! [05:30] Shin     I don't believe this... [05:31] Shin     The Shinsengumi has seen a complete overhaul... [05:34] Shin     Wait. [05:35] Shin     That means... SIGN     [05:42] A     The Shinsengumi Kaiser! [05:44] A     Seig heil, Herr Okita de Sade Sogo III! [05:50] All     Kaiser! [05:52] All     Kaiser! [05:53] All     Kaiser! [05:58] Shin     He's been promoted way past the rank of commander... [06:03] Okita     Silence, gentlemen. [06:05] Okita     Two years have passed since the formation of the Holy Shinsengumi Empire. [06:08] Shin     Empire?! [06:09] Shin     This is an empire?! [06:10] Okita     Thanks to your efforts, the empire has been able to extend its influence. [06:15] Okita     We now control over half of Edo. [06:18] Shin     You don't sound like the police anymore! [06:21] Okita     It won't be long before the day comes when we slaughter the Shogun and hoist the flag of our empire... [06:26] Okita     ...over Edo Castle! [06:27] Shin     That would make you Joi! [06:29] Shin     That would make you terrorists now! [06:31] Okita     However, we must first take control of a certain area before we can begin our crusade. [06:36] Okita     An impregnable town of steel... [06:38] Okita     A lawless place for the ruffians of Edo to gather... [06:42] Okita     The Kabuki district! SIGN     [06:44] Okita     If we don't secure this town before launching our attack on Edo Castle, [06:46] Okita     it will come back to haunt us. [06:48] Okita     But worry not! [06:50] Okita     Every stronghold has a weakness! [06:53] Okita     And I now have the means to exploit that weakness. [06:56] Okita     We have taken a friend of Shogun Sakata, the fearless general of the Kabuki district... [07:00] Okita     ...as a hostage! [07:01] Okita     The town of steel will fall quickly now. [07:05] Shin     Hold on! [07:06] Shin     Who is this fearless general?! [07:07] Shin     Are you trying to crush Odd Jobs?! [07:09] Okita     I will eliminate anyone who stands in the way of my ambition. [07:14] Shin     Your ambition?! [07:15] Shin     When did you join the camp of cliche Edo dominating megalomaniacs, Jerkaiser! [07:18] Okita     Hey, that was uncalled for. [07:20] Okita     At the very least, you should address me as Jerk of a Kaiser. [07:22] Okita     I get annoyed when people combine words. [07:25] Okita     Normally, I would have you executed, but I'll spare your life since you have use as a hostage. [07:30] Okita     Hijikata, take him away. [07:32] Hijikata     Yes, Jerkaiser! [07:33] Okita     Yamazaki, smack him. [07:34] Yama     Yes, Jerkaiser! [07:35] Okita     Why is this catching on? [07:37] Okita     Someone, execute everyone besides the hostage. [07:39] All     Yes, Jerkaiser! [07:40] Okita     Fine, have it your way. [07:41] Okita     Starting tomorrow, I'll change my title to Jerkaiser. [07:43] Okita     But make the "Jer" inaudible. [07:48] Shin     Damn it... [07:49] Shin     What's going on? [07:51] Shin     Why is this happening? [07:53] Shin     I'm sick of this world... [07:55] Shin     Nobody I know is here... [07:59] Hijikata     Stop sniffling, you wimp. [08:02] Hijikata     I finally found someone normal, [08:05] Hijikata     but you don't look like you'll be much help. [08:07] Shin     Hi-Hijikata-san? [08:08] Shin     Are you... [08:11] Hijikata     Yeah... [08:12] Hijikata     I was also left behind two years, just like you. [08:28] Tamo     Here is this week's spotlight. [08:30] N     This week's spotlight came in third on the sales chart. [08:37] N     The third single from singer-songwriter MADAO-san. [08:41] N     The God of Cardboard! [08:43] Tamo     This is quite a surprise. [08:45] Tamo     Another top-seller? SIGN     [08:46] Tamo     Did you cut your hair? [08:47] Madao     Actually, I grew it out. [08:50] N     MADAO-san got the inspiration for this song from the sound of SIGN     SIGN     [08:53] ---     tearing apart cardboard when he was living on the streets. [08:56] N     He performed many concerts on the street before achieving his current popularity. [09:01] Tamo     So how does it feel to go from living on the streets to cutting your hair? [09:04] Madao     Uh, I didn't cut my hair. [09:05] Madao     I grew it out. [09:07] N     Ah, we're running out of time, so please get on stage. [09:10] N     Here's MADAO-san with "I Cut My Hair." [09:12] Madao     I said I didn't cut my hair! [09:14] Madao     Do you want me to cut my hair?! [09:16] Madao     Do I look bad with long hair?! [09:17] Shin     What's going on? [09:19] Hijikata     That's what I want to know. [09:21] Hijikata     I went back to the station after the one year break, and everything was different. [09:25] Hijikata     As though everyone else had spent the past two years without me... [09:28] Shin     But why... [09:30] Shin     Why did you pretend to be different? [09:33] Hijikata     Because I thought that I was the one who was crazy. [09:37] Hijikata     Wouldn't you? [09:38] Hijikata     Every other person had changed. [09:40] Hijikata     I was the exception. [09:43] Hijikata     Given the situation, what else could I do but laugh? SIGN     [09:47] Hijikata     But I guess I couldn't handle it. [09:50] Yamazaki     D-Damn you, Hijikata! [09:53] Yamazaki     You think you're gonna get away with this, an? [09:59] Shin     Hijikata-san... [10:00] Shin     Did we travel through time? [10:03] Shin     We're the only ones stuck in a completely different world. [10:08] Hijikata     Why did this happen to us? [10:12] Shin     Maybe we're being punished... [10:16] Shin     Hijikata-san... [10:18] Shin     To be honest, I've been... [10:21] Shin     ...slacking off on playing the straight man. [10:24] Shin     I was always exhausted after dealing with the onslaught of funny men. [10:28] Shin     Despite all the work, I wasn't very popular. [10:31] Shin     And there wasn't much merchandise featuring me. [10:32] Shin     I had to wonder if playing a funny man paid better dividends... [10:37] Shin     So while they were airing reruns for the past year, SIGN     [10:40] Shin     I kicked back and completely forgot about playing the straight man. SIGN     [10:44] Shin     But while I was doing nothing, [10:49] Shin     everyone else found something to do and build on. [10:52] Shin     They were moving forward. [10:54] Shin     That's why I was left behind... [10:59] Shin     I'm guessing that you know what I'm talking about. [11:03] Shin     You were the only normal person in the Shinsengumi. [11:05] Shin     You were also in the straight man position. [11:08] Shin     But then you added that funny man persona, Tosshi... [11:11] Hijikata     That was because of the sword... [11:13] Shin     ...and engaged in bizarre behavior involving mayonnaise. [11:15] Hijikata     I just happen to like mayonnaise! [11:17] Shin     Then how do you explain the smiling act? [11:19] Shin     You just wanted to play a funny man, didn't you? [11:22] Hijikata     Enough. [11:23] Shin     Can you honestly say that you weren't trying to enjoy yourself? [11:27] Hijikata     I said enough already, damn it! [11:32] Shin     I'm sorry. [11:33] Shin     I shouldn't have said that. [11:34] Hijikata     Nah, I shouldn't have snapped at you. [11:36] Hijikata     Just forget it. [11:38] Hijikata     If the world was twisted into its current state by an oversaturation of funny men [11:41] Hijikata     because the two of us stopped playing straight men, [11:46] Hijikata     we don't have any right to gripe about it. [11:51] Hijikata     Yeah... [11:53] Both     We have to live in this world... [11:58] Both     ...as punishment. [12:05] Hijikata     I'm heading back... [12:06] Hijikata     ...to the Holy Shinsengumi Empire. [12:08] Hijikata     I'll try to stop the kaiser... [12:10] Hijikata     ...from attacking Odd Jobs. [12:12] Hijikata     That's not going to help anything. [12:15] Shin     I see... [12:16] Shin     I plan on working at Odd Jobs. [12:20] Shin     Gin-san may look like Yamcha [12:22] Shin     and Kagura may be bigger than me, [12:24] Shin     but Odd Jobs is still the same place. [12:26] Shin     Good luck playing the straight man. [12:28] Hijikata     Same to you. [12:31] Shin     Not that it's going to change anything... [12:38] Kusano     Now, we have a breaking news update. [12:41] Kusano     The mysterious wart outbreak is continuing to spread throughout Edo. [12:45] Kusano     Medical scientists have finally determined the source of this malady. [12:49] Kusano     The warts, which attach themselves to organisms and absorb their life energy [12:52] Kusano     before eventually taking over the host body, [12:56] Kusano     have been identified as parasitic aliens known as Q'Sai Nettles. [13:00] Kusano     First, the aliens transform into the figure on your left [13:03] Kusano     and assimilate information from the host. [13:05] Kusano     Eventually, it transforms into something completely identical to the host. [13:09] Kusano     The alien supplants the host [13:10] Kusano     and matures the appearance of the host by two years after a few days. [13:15] Kusano     It should be noted that these aliens are attracted to ambition. [13:20] Kusano     People with more ambition have a higher chance of being infected, [13:23] Kusano     and the aliens will evolve according to that ambition. [13:26] Kusano     Do you know anyone who's gone through a sudden change and talked about two years passing? [13:31] Kusano     It's possible that they've been infected by Q'Sai Nettles. [13:35] Kusano     First, you should check if the comatose original is hanging from the body. [13:38] Kusano     Then use something like a paper fan to smack the Q'Sai Nettle as hard as you can. [13:42] Kusano     Your friends have not changed! [13:45] Kusano     Two years haven't passed! [13:47] Kusano     The world before you is... [13:51] Kusano     ...a world with warts! [13:55] B     Oh? Kusano-san? [13:56] B     There's something hanging from your head... [13:58] B     Is that... [13:59] Kusano     Huh? [14:01] Shin     So wait. [14:03] Shin     What? [14:03] Shin     In other words... [14:06] Shin     They're all Wartiharu?! [14:09] Shin     Yamcha Gin-san is just a Yamcha wart! [14:11] Shin     The grown-up Kagura-chan is just a wart with two big warts! [14:14] Shin     The gorilla couple is two warts making a wart baby! [14:17] Hijikata     Ambition, huh? [14:19] Hijikata     Ironic. [14:21] Hijikata     We weren't infected because we were slacking off. [14:26] Hijikata     And now, we're the only ones who can save them! [14:30] Shin     I know exactly what I need to do now! [14:34] Hijikata     We're gonna paper fan this twisted wartiworld! [14:37] Shin     And take back our world! [14:41] Kagura     Shinpachi! [14:44] Kagura     Where did you go? [14:46] Kagura     I was looking everywhere for you! [14:48] Shin     Ka-Kagura-san?! [14:49] Kagura     You dummy! [14:50] Kagura     I was so worried! [14:52] Hijikata     Hey! [14:52] Hijikata     Smack her with the fan! [14:54] Hijikata     That's just the wart! [14:56] Shin     Ka-Kagura-san! [14:58] Shin     It's not fair to press that body up against me! [15:02] Kagura     I was so lonely. [15:05] Kagura     An Odd Jobs without you is like you without glasses. [15:09] Shin     Doesn't that mean you only need my glasses?! [15:12] Kagura     Shinpachi... [15:17] Shin     Is this really a wart?! [15:19] Shin     This cute girl... [15:22] Shin     Wait, does it even matter if she's a wart... [15:23] Hijikata     Don't be fooled! [15:29] Hijikata     Kaiser Okita de Sade Sogo III! [15:33] Okita     Hi-Hijikata-san... [15:35] Okita     I don't want to see you hit a woman... [15:40] Kagura     Hey! [15:41] Kagura     Hang on, Jerkaiser! [15:43] Okita     Huh? How? [15:45] Okita     A-After Kondo-san left, [15:48] Okita     I devoted my life to making the force bigger... [15:53] Okita     I didn't hesitate to commit atrocities for the sake of protecting the Shinsengumi... [15:59] Okita     But Hijikata-san... [16:01] Okita     If I let you get your hands dirty, [16:03] Okita     the Shinsengumi will just be a gang of thugs. [16:08] Shin     Hijikata-san?! [16:09] Shin     Don't be fooled! [16:10] Shin     That's a wart! Just a wart! [16:12] Okita     I-I wanted... [16:15] Okita     ...to have another bowl of mayonnaise with you... [16:19] Shin     That never happened! [16:20] Shin     You said it was dog food! [16:21] Shin     Stop lying! [16:23] Hijikata     Sogo! Get a hold of yourself! [16:24] Shin     Uh, that's not going to help! [16:27] Shin     You're the one who needs to get a hold of yourself! [16:28] Shin     Didn't we establish that he's just a wart?! [16:30] Shin     Move! [16:31] Shin     I'll finish it off! [16:32] Otae     Stop, Shin-chan! [16:34] Otae     A samurai would never attack a dying man! [16:36] Shin     S-Sis! [16:38] Shin     And she already gave birth! [16:39] Otae     How could you be so cruel? [16:43] Otae     What am I supposed to tell this child? [16:45] Hijikata     Don't be fooled! [16:47] Hijikata     She's not your sister! [16:48] Hijikata     She's just a wart! [16:49] Shin     You have no right to say that! [16:51] Shin     Fine! [16:52] Shin     I won't let you use my sister's face to play wife to the gorilla... [16:56] Shin     ...any longer! [16:57] Otae     Stop! [16:58] Otae     You've got it wrong! [16:59] Otae     The father of my child is actually... [17:01] Otae     Look at the hair! [17:05] Shin     What are you doing?! [17:07] Hijikata     Th-That hair... [17:09] Hijikata     That V-shaped hair is...? [17:10] Shin     Of course not! [17:11] Shin     How could the two of you have a kid when you barely even know each other?! [17:14] Otae     Forgive me, Toshi-san. [17:16] Otae     I couldn't hide my true feelings. [17:18] Otae     Even after pretending to be married to Isao-san... [17:22] Shin     Wait a sec! [17:23] Shin     My sister's turned into one hell of a slutty bitch?! [17:26] Otae     Please! [17:27] Otae     Take us away! [17:29] Otae     To a world without gorillas! [17:31] Shin     Hijikata-san! [17:32] Shin     Don't be fooled! [17:33] Shin     You don't have a kid! [17:35] Hijikata     You thought you could fool me with such a cheap trick? [17:39] Hijikata     Give me the kid and scram. [17:41] Hijikata     I'll look after it. [17:42] Shin     You've been completely fooled! [17:44] Hijikata     Hey, can you spare the kid? [17:46] Hijikata     Let me raise Togoro! [17:49] Shin     Calm down! [17:50] Shin     Who the hell is Togoro?! [17:52] Kondo     Oh? His name is Togoro? [17:54] Kondo     What an adorable child. [17:57] Kondo     Would you mind letting me hold him? [17:59] Hijikata     Oh, he's a newborn, so you'll need to support his head. [18:02] Kondo     My, such an adorable child. [18:06] Kondo     His mother and father must be lovely. [18:09] Kondo     But he's not as adorable as my little girl. [18:12] Kondo     Isn't that right, [18:13] Kondo     Isako-chan? [18:14] Shin     Kondo-san! [18:15] Shin     You've lost your mind! [18:16] Shin     You've completely lost your mind! [18:19] Kondo     I won't let you have your happiness! [18:22] Kondo     You're all! [18:22] Kondo     You're all... [18:24] Kondo     ...headed straight down misery lane! [18:27] Hijikata     T-Togoro! [18:29] Shin     You can no longer be a straight man! [18:30] Shin     You've been completely fooled! [18:32] Kondo     Don't come any closer! [18:35] Kondo     I'll jump off with the child! [18:36] Hijikata     Calm down, Kondo-san! [18:37] Hijikata     Let's not be hasty! [18:38] Shin     You're the one who needs to calm down! [18:39] Shin     We're supposed to be smacking down warts! [18:41] Shin     Why are you stopping a wart from killing itself?! [18:43] Hijikata     The child has done nothing wrong. [18:45] Hijikata     You should blame... [18:46] Hijikata     ...Otae and me! [18:47] Shin     Blame your poor excuse for a brain! [18:49] Hijikata     Kill me instead! [18:51] Hijikata     Please... [18:52] Hijikata     Spare Togoro! [18:53] Shin     Why are you giving up your life for a wart?! [18:56] Katsura     To protect your child with your life... [18:59] Katsura     Isn't thats how a true parent would behave? [19:03] Katsura     Yet look at you. [19:05] Katsura     You intend to die by yourself and leave us behind? [19:09] Kondo     Wh-Who are you? [19:10] Katsura     How cruel... [19:13] Katsura     You don't remember who comforted you at the bar after your wife ran out on you? [19:19] Kondo     A-Are you... [19:22] Kondo     From the bar... [19:23] Kondo     From the bar! [19:24] Kondo     Zurako-san! [19:25] Shin     How?! [19:27] Shin     How did you give birth?! [19:29] Katsura     You are a father now! [19:31] Katsura     So for her sake, for my sake... [19:35] Katsura     You must live! [19:36] Shin     Aren't the two of you enemies?! [19:38] Katsura     Look, it's your father, [19:40] Katsura     Gorillina. [19:40] Shin     He can't be the father! [19:42] Shin     That's an actual gorilla there! [19:44] Kyubei     Oh, her name is Gorillina? [19:46] Kyubei     Such an adorable child. [19:48] Kyubei     Would you mind letting me hold her? [19:51] Katsura     Oh, she's a newborn, so her banana hasn't been peeled yet. [19:54] Shin     No shit! [19:56] Kyubei     My, such an adorable child. [19:59] Kondo     But she's not as adorable as my little girl. [20:02] Shin     Kyubei-san?! [20:02] Kondo     Isn't that right, [20:03] Kondo     Willina? [20:04] Shin     The hell are you raising?! [20:06] Shin     You've lost more than your mind! [20:09] Kyubei     I don't need a wife or husband! [20:11] Kyubei     I have become the ultimate creature who can be both mother and father! [20:16] Kyubei     Have no fear! [20:19] Kyubei     I will make these children happy! [20:20] Hijikata     Togoro! [20:21] Kondo     Gorillina! [20:22] Katsura     Willina! [20:23] Shin     Damn it! [20:24] Shin     Cut this shit out! [20:42] Shin     I knew something was wrong. [20:44] Shin     Hijikata-san was also infected by a wart. [20:48] Shin     Warts that are attracted to ambition... [20:50] Shin     This was one hellish nightmare, [20:53] Shin     but I learned a valuable lesson. [20:56] Shin     The show is finally back on the air. [20:59] Shin     I need to stay focused [21:01] Shin     and aim as high as I can every week. [21:05] Shin     Okay! [21:06] Shin     It's all over! [21:08] Shin     Starting next week, I'll need to get to work! [21:10] Shin     Let's do this! [21:12] Gin     No, it's not over yet. [21:14] Shin     Huh? [21:19] Gin     You're also a wart, Shinpachi. [21:21] Shin     What?! [21:24] Gin     Man, I was worried. [21:26] Gin     Everyone looked different when the show came back on air. [21:30] Gin     I had a hard time keeping up with everyone. [21:32] Gin     Why was I the only one left out? [21:34] Gin     Get a clue, you alien warts. [21:36] Gin     But at this rate, it's going to get messy when we catch up to the manga and go on another break. [21:40] Gin     These people are actually going to train themselves next time. [21:43] Gin     Can't help it. [21:45] Gin     When that happens... [21:48] Gin     I'll go with this. SIGN     SIGN     [23:20] Gin     Isn't it a little late for New Year cards? [23:23] Gin     And why did everyone send one?! [23:26] Gin     What a pain in the ass! [23:28] Gin     So next time: SIGN     [23:29] Gin     Use a calligraphy pen for New Year cards! [23:31] Gin     Plus another one that's a little late. SIGN