E170 - “And into the Legend..."

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:31] Fiend
    As I said...
[01:34] Fiend
    The systems of this world
    are under our control.
[01:38] Fiend
    Defeating me will destroy this world.
[01:44] Fiend
    Will you still attempt to defeat me?
[01:48] Fiend
    Can you kill Tama?
[01:55] Fiend
    Firebane!!
SIGN    [Note: Original text, "Begirama" is a spell from the game Dragon Quest series.]
SIGN    ["And Into the Legend..."]
[02:09] Fiend
    Ow, ow, ow...
[02:10] Fiend
    Wait! Hold on! Time-out!
[02:12] Fiend
    No, wait! Wait!
[02:13] Fiend
    Weren't you listening to what
    I was saying?! Open!
[02:16] Gintoki
    Huh? Something about offering
    us half of the world?
[02:19] Gintoki
    And it doesn't matter if we pick yes or no
    because we still end up fighting, right?
[02:21] Gintoki
    Forget it. Too much of a hassle.
[02:23] Fiend
    Wouldn't that be the Dragonlord?
[02:25] Fiend
    He didn't listen to a single word I said.
[02:27] Gintoki
    The Archfiend always talks too much.
[02:30] Gintoki
    I usually just skim through.
[02:33] King
    What do you think you're doing?!
[02:34] King
    Any damage to the Archfiend Tapir
    will mean damage to Lady Tama!
[02:39] King
    Aren't you capable of exercising discretion?!
[02:41] Shinpachi
    Uh, you realize you just
    indirectly attacked her?!
[02:43] Shinpachi
    The Archfiend is completely beat-up?!
[02:45] Gintoki
    What do you think you're doing?!
[02:47] Gintoki
    Get out of my way. Scram!
[02:49] King
    You scram!
[02:52] Shinpachi
    Hey!
[02:53] Shinpachi
    What are you doing in
    front of the Archfiend?!
[02:55] Fiend
    Curse you...
[02:56] Fiend
    So you do not care if this
    body is destroyed?
[02:59] Fiend
    Heartless bastards...
[03:01] Fiend
    And you call yourself heroes?!
[03:02] Shinpachi
    Like the Archfiend's in
    any position to talk!
[03:05] Fiend
    I can now see that you are big douches.
[03:08] Fiend
    But will you be able to continue
    after seeing this?
[03:11] Fiend
    Leukocyte King, do you remember
    your father's face?
[03:16] Fiend
    Yes, your father, the previous
    king, Fortega,
[03:20] Fiend
    fell into the anus during
    his battle with me
[03:23] Fiend
    and lost his life.
[03:26] Fiend
    But what would you do if
    Fortega were still alive?
[03:31] Fiend
    What would you do if he still lived in pain
    within me after being consumed?
[03:38] King
    It can't be...
[03:40] King
    You couldn't have...
[03:41] Fiend
    Yes, exactly...
[03:45] Fiend
    My son...
[03:47] King
    Father!
[03:48] Fiend
    Hey, wait! Hold up!
[03:50] Fiend
    You move too fast!
[03:51] Fiend
    I didn't even get a chance
    to reveal his father's face!
[03:53] Fiend
    I was still talking!
[03:54] Fiend
    And why is everybody
    hitting me this time?!
[03:56] Kagura
    We don't feel a thing when you
    use the "I'm your father" setting.
[04:01] Kagura
    This is much easier than beating Tama-san's face,
    so I figured I'd use this chance to finish you.
[04:05] Fiend
    Don't you people have any respect for this
    tragic meeting between father and son?!
[04:10] Gintoki
    Nobody uses "the last boss is
    your father" twist anymore.
[04:13] Gintoki
    Come up with something better.
[04:23] Fiend
    Curses!
[04:24] Fiend
    I pulled the plug and we lost our
    connection to the system!
[04:27] Shinpachi
    Plug?!
[04:28] Shinpachi
    You people were controlling the system
    with such a half-assed method?!
[04:31] King
    This is it!
[04:32] King
    Now that he's disconnected
    from Lady Tama's system,
[04:34] King
    we can defeat the Archfiend Tapir
    without harming Lady Tama!
[04:37] King
    This is our only chance!
[04:39] King
    Let's go!
[04:43] Fiend
    Don't underestimate me, brats!
[04:48] Fiend
    Your cheap appliance store security
    measures can't possibly defeat me
[04:54] Fiend
    after I've consumed high-level technology
    and undergone an extreme evolution!
[05:00] Fiend
    I can no longer be considered a virus.
[05:06] Fiend
    I have transcended human
    understanding...
[05:08] Fiend
    Yes...
[05:10] Fiend
    A god!
[05:12] Fiend
    A being you humans cannot cope with...
[05:16] Fiend
    A perfect being known as a god!
[05:21] Gintoki
    A god...?
[05:22] Gintoki
    God schmod.
[05:25] Gintoki
    You're supposed to be fighting
    it out with some
[05:29] Gintoki
    yeast cells on a rotten piece
    of bread, Germfiend.
[05:33] Gintoki
    This isn't where you belong.
[05:35] Shinpachi
    Get the hell outta Tama-san.
[05:37] Kagura
    We won't allow you to contaminate
    our friend any further.
[05:41] Gintoki
    This will be the last clean-up job!
[05:43] Gintoki
    Let's go, guys!
[05:44] Shinpachi
    Yeah!
[05:47] Kagura
    Huh?
[05:48] Kagura
    My body won't move the way I want it to.
[05:51] Kagura
    Huh? Huh?
[05:53] Gintoki
    What's with Kagura?!
[05:55] Shinpachi
    Wh-Wh-Why?!
[05:56] Shinpachi
    Why did Kagura-chan turn into pixels?!
[05:59] Gintoki
    Wh-What's going on here?
[06:00] Gintoki
    Don't tell me Kagura got
    infected by the virus?
[06:02] Gintoki
    That can't be it...
[06:03] Gintoki
    How could a human being be
    infected by a computer virus...
[06:08] Archfiend
    As I said...
[06:10] Archfiend
    I am no longer a pathetic computer virus!
[06:16] Gintoki
    Shinpachi!
[06:18] Gintoki
    Shinpachi! You okay?!
[06:20] Shinpachi
    Somehow...
[06:22] Shinpachi
    Shrunk
[06:23] Shinpachi
    down...
[06:25] Shinpachi
    M-M-My legs are short!
[06:26] Gintoki
    Looks like you're okay.
[06:29] Shinpachi
    Like hell I am!
[06:30] Shinpachi
    My body's over here!
[06:31] Shinpachi
    And my legs are like this!
[06:32] Shinpachi
    Why was my transformation
    so half-assed?!
[06:35] Shinpachi
    I'd take a full body change over this!
[06:38] Gintoki
    Huh? Something changed?
[06:40] Gintoki
    Didn't your body always
    look like a Guntank?
SIGN    [Note: Guntank is a weapon from the anime series Gundam.]
[06:42] Shinpachi
    Who are you calling a Guntank?!
[06:44] Kagura
    G-Gin-chan...
[06:45] Kagura
    It's like... my body's like stone...
    I can't move...
[06:48] Gintoki
    Hey, Kagura! Hang in there!
[06:50] Shinpachi
    What is this?
[06:51] Shinpachi
    The pixels are advancing!
[06:53] Shinpachi
    My body's getting heavier
    and heavier, Gin-san!
[06:55] Gintoki
    Shinpachi!
[06:56] Kagura
    Help... Gin-chan...
[06:57] Gintoki
    Kagura!
[06:58] Shinpachi
    Gin-san! Do something!
[07:00] Gintoki
    Shintank!
[07:01] Shinpachi
    Who's that supposed to be?!
[07:02] Kagura
    Gin-chan...
[07:02] Shinpachi
    M-My body is...
[07:14] King
    Why are you standing around?
[07:16] King
    Do you want to die?
[07:18] Gintoki
    They're...
[07:19] King
    It's no use.
[07:19] King
    They've been completely pixilated.
[07:22] King
    We need to retreat for now!
[07:24] Gintoki
    Kagura! Shintank!
[07:27] Fiend
    I won't let you get away!
[07:32] King
    It appears that he wasn't lying about having
    more power than a normal virus.
[07:36] King
    His extreme evolution has given
    him the power to control viruses,
[07:42] King
    which affect human beings
    in addition to us programs.
[07:44] Gintoki
    You've gotta be kidding.
[07:45] Gintoki
    I've heard of an animator, who didn't take a bath
    for so long that he had fungus on his penis,
[07:49] Gintoki
    but I've never heard of anyone getting
    infected by a computer virus!
[08:03] King
    It appears that you're running out of time.
[08:05] King
    Your entire body will eventually
    become pixels.
[08:08] Gintoki
    Why?!
[08:09] Gintoki
    Why is enemy fire always
    concentrated here?!
[08:11] Gintoki
    Because I haven't used
    it for a long time?!
[08:13] Gintoki
    You upset?!
[08:15] Gintoki
    I'm the one who's upset, moron!
[08:17] Gintoki
    Is my penis going to get better?!
[08:19] Gintoki
    Will Shinpachi and Kagura
    ever recover?!
[08:22] King
    Just stay there.
[08:24] King
    I'll handle the rest.
[08:26] King
    You and your friends...
[08:28] Gintoki
    Hey! Wait!
[08:29] King
    I told you to stay there.
[08:32] King
    Who's going to protect
    Lady Tama if you die?
[08:37] King
    How sad do you think Lady Tama
    will be if you die here?
[08:43] King
    I was created for the sole purpose
    of protecting Lady Tama.
[08:47] King
    I have nothing else to protect.
[08:50] King
    I am merely your substitute.
[08:54] King
    I should be the only one who
    has to die for Lady Tama!
[08:59] Tama
    Forget...about...me...
[09:05] Tama
    At least try...to release...
    him...from this...place...
[09:14] Gintoki
    Tama said the same thing to me.
[09:17] Gintoki
    She told me to forget about
    her and protect you.
[09:22] Gintoki
    To release you from this place.
[09:27] Gintoki
    That's why I told her,
[09:30] Gintoki
    if you were really a copy of me,
[09:33] Gintoki
    you would never want that.
[09:36] Gintoki
    Even if you died, you'd never dream of running
    away and leaving you in charge behind.
[09:44] Gintoki
    Guess I overestimated you.
[09:47] Gintoki
    You're dumping what's important off on
    someone else and stepping down?
[09:51] King
    I am your copy.
[09:53] King
    It doesn't matter if I die. As long as
    you live, more copies can be made.
[09:59] Gintoki
    I don't remember having
    such a pathetic copy.
[10:03] Gintoki
    You wouldn't have a chance
    of taking my place.
[10:06] Gintoki
    And I absolutely refuse to take yours.
[10:11] Gintoki
    Nobody can take anybody's place.
[10:14] Gintoki
    There isn't a person in this world
    that could take your place.
[10:19] Gintoki
    It doesn't matter if you were based
    on me or have the same face.
[10:24] Gintoki
    You're the one who's devoted yourself to
    protecting Tama this whole time, not me.
[10:32] Gintoki
    As far as Tama's concerned,
    you're no copy or substitute.
[10:36] Gintoki
    You're someone who's always
    been there for her...
[10:39] Gintoki
    A precious, irreplaceable friend...
[10:50] Gintoki
    If you truly care about Tama,
[10:53] Gintoki
    never talk about dying again.
[10:56] Gintoki
    Never call yourself a substitute again.
[11:01] Gintoki
    I'm done fighting with you.
[11:04] Gintoki
    Let's survive and have a
    drink together, brother.
[11:12] King
    I have no interested in fermented juice.
[11:16] King
    It's a different story if you have
    Delicious Water from Rokkou, brother!
SIGN    [Note: Delicious Water from Rokkou is a brand name of mineral water from House Foods.]
[11:34] King
    Got it?
[11:35] King
    If we don't stop him here,
[11:37] King
    Lady Tama won't be his only victim.
[11:39] King
    The viruses will invade your entire world.
[11:43] King
    We have no time.
[11:45] King
    We have to stop him before your
    entire body turns into pixels!
[11:51] King
    The two of us will end
    this once and for all!
[11:57] Fiend
    Foolish brats...
[11:59] Fiend
    I see you're finally ready to die.
[12:02] Fiend
    This will be the end for all.
[12:05] Fiend
    All shall be darkened by me.
[12:08] Fiend
    White shall vanish,
[12:10] Fiend
    and everything shall be crushed in black!
[12:15] Gintoki
    You're the one who's going
    to get crushed, Germfiend.
[12:18] King
    This is the end, Tapir.
[12:20] King
    We shall see if white or black survives!
[12:23] Gintoki
    Time to settle this once and for all!
[12:26] Fiend
    Cease your prattle, worms!
[12:29] Fiend
    Return to the sea of pixels!
[12:32] Both
    Let's go!
[12:34] Gintoki
    Release all of your power!
[12:36] King
    Put everything
[12:38] Both
    into this single blow!
[12:40] Both
    Go!
[12:44] Fiend
    What?! They stopped my wave?!
[12:50] Fiend
    Curse you!
[12:51] Fiend
    Are you contesting me?!
[12:53] Fiend
    Crafty bastards!
[12:54] Fiend
    I'll crush you and your impertinent wave!
[13:06] King
    My body is turning into pixels...
[13:10] Fiend
    I cannot be stopped!
[13:12] Fiend
    Nobody can stop me!
[13:18] Gintoki
    We won't last long against this.
[13:21] Gintoki
    At this rate, we'll both
    be kicking the bucket.
[13:24] King
    Go.
[13:25] Gintoki
    What?
[13:26] King
    I'll hold him back.
[13:29] King
    While I distract him, you defeat him!
[13:33] King
    He should be defenseless right now.
[13:35] King
    This is our only chance to defeat him!
[13:38] Gintoki
    How can you possibly hold him off yourself when
    the two of us can barely cope, moron?
[13:44] King
    I have a plan.
[13:46] King
    And I can't move with my legs like this.
[13:48] King
    You're the only one who
    can reach him now.
[13:53] King
    Hurry it up!
[13:54] King
    While you can still move!
[13:57] Gintoki
    Bastard...
[13:59] Gintoki
    You better not have forgotten our promise.
[14:02] King
    Do not worry.
[14:03] King
    He cannot hurt me.
[14:06] King
    Who do you think I am?!
[14:09] King
    Gintoki Sakata.
[14:11] King
    A man based off you.
[14:25] King
    Brother...
[14:28] King
    Friend...
[14:31] King
    I earned many titles for a mere copy...
[14:42] King
    But no matter what I'm called,
[14:44] King
    I cannot lose sight of my role...my duty...
[14:51] King
    Lady Tama, forgive me.
[14:54] King
    My duty is not to live,
[14:56] King
    it is to protect you.
[14:59] King
    I cannot live for the sake of another,
[15:03] King
    but grant me the right to die for a friend...
[15:08] King
    To die for my brother!
[15:19] Fiend
    Impossible...
[15:20] Fiend
    His power is surging..
[15:22] Fiend
    How does he have so much power left?!
[15:25] King
    I have plenty of power left...
[15:28] King
    My very life...
[15:32] Fiend
    C-Could you be releasing
    all of your life energy?
[15:37] Fiend
    Impossible!
[15:38] Fiend
    If you do that, you'll...
[15:41] Fiend
    You'll...!
[15:47] King
    You think you damn viruses
[15:50] King
    can defeat the Leukocyte King?
[15:53] King
    Defeat...
[15:55] King
    Gintoki Sakata?! Never!
[16:20] N
    Attention to everybody inside this body.
[16:23] N
    The virus, which infected this
    body, has been destroyed.
[16:27] N
    This body will now engage
    in reparations.
[16:31] N
    All surviving security members
[16:33] N
    should take a vacation from their
    regular duties to make babies.
[16:39] N
    The surviving viruses should change
    into white bodysuits at once.
[16:43] N
    You are already under our control.
[16:46] N
    Please assist with making babies.
[16:53] King
    Sorry I couldn't keep my promise...
[16:57] King
    I'm irresponsible by default.
[16:59] King
    I got that from you.
[17:01] Gintoki
    Looks like it.
[17:04] Gintoki
    I broke my promise to Tama.
[17:06] King
    It's extremely regrettable.
[17:08] King
    I never expected to become
    a piece of junk.
[17:12] King
    I was an excellent security measure
    before you all came.
[17:17] King
    A hero guarding the princess.
[17:19] King
    I would have been happy to throw
    my life away to protect Lady Tama.
[17:24] King
    And yet I gave my life to save this stupid
    party instead of the princess...
[17:33] King
    Before, I wouldn't have thought
    twice about dying...
[17:37] King
    But now...
[17:39] King
    I want to live a little longer...
[17:43] King
    I wouldn't have minded a little more adventuring
    with Lady Tama and the lot of you...
[17:50] Shinpachi
    Leukocyte King-san...
[17:52] King
    For such words to come out of
    an easily replaced substitute...
[17:57] King
    It's all your fault...
[17:59] King
    It appears that I've completely
    broken down.
[18:03] Gintoki
    You haven't broken down.
[18:06] Gintoki
    You're no substitute.
[18:08] Gintoki
    You're a much better guy than I am.
[18:12] Gintoki
    You protected what you needed to.
[18:14] Gintoki
    I don't just mean Tama.
[18:16] Gintoki
    You also protected our lives.
[18:18] Gintoki
    So don't die.
[18:20] Gintoki
    Don't die for your friends.
[18:23] Gintoki
    You have to live for your friends, for us...
[18:28] King
    Lady Tama will be fine with
    you people around.
[18:31] King
    Besides, I can no longer...
[18:33] Tama
    Gintoki-sama, everybody...
[18:35] Tama
    Thank you for protecting the
    Leukocyte King all this time.
[18:40] Shinpachi
    It's Tama-san! Tama-san's voice!
[18:42] Kagura
    It's Tama. Are you okay now?
[18:44] Kagura
    Where are you? Where are you at?
[18:46] Tama
    Here. Over here.
[18:48] Tama
    Here. I'm right here.
[18:51] Kagura
    Tiny!
[18:52] King
    L-Lady Tama...
[18:53] Kagura
    What are you doing, Tama?
    Why are you so tiny?
[18:56] Tama
    My system has not completely recovered,
[18:59] Tama
    but I was able to send a pixel copy over.
[19:04] Tama
    Leukocyte King, thank you for protecting
    me for such a long time.
[19:09] Tama
    Now it is my turn to save you.
[19:12] Shinpachi
    Tama-san, can you...
[19:14] Tama
    I shall enter the Leukocyte King's
    body and repair him.
[19:20] Tama
    Leukocyte King, I will not let you die.
[19:23] King
    L-Lady Tama...
[19:25] Kagura
    We're coming along then.
[19:27] Kagura
    We owe the Moshasu Gin-chan.
SIGN    [Note: Moshasu is a spell from Dragon Quest to transform one of the characters in the party.]
[19:30] Shinpachi
    Uh, but how are we supposed
    to go inside him?
[19:32] Shinpachi
    We're too big to enter...
[19:35] Gengai
    I knew you'd say that.
[19:37] Gengai
    That's why I brought the magic mallet Z.
[19:41] Gengai
    Okay! Line up if you want to be shrunk!
[19:44] Gengai
    I'll smash you all good!
[19:48] King
    Th-They're...
[19:50] Gintoki
    There you have it.
[19:52] Gintoki
    Your life is no longer
    yours to throw away.
[19:57] Gintoki
    You're more than someone
    who protects Tama.
[20:01] Gintoki
    All the protecting you've done has led to
    people who will protect you in return.
[20:07] Gintoki
    All squirmy-like...
[20:09] Gintoki
    Just like a white blood cell.
[20:17] King
    I just had to be the copy
    of such a difficult man.
[20:21] King
    Even now, I can't offer any words
    of gratitude or tears...
[20:31] King
    What would you do in this situation?
[20:41] Gintoki
    Smile.
SIGN    [The End?]
[23:01] Whitea
    Enemy spotted.
[23:03] Whitea
    An unidentified new virus.
[23:06] Whitea
    An extremely large army is
    advancing on our position!
[23:09] Whiteb
    Unbelievable...
[23:11] Whiteb
    And we haven't recovered from
    the Tapir invasion yet...
[23:16] Whiteb
    Will we be able to fight them off
    with our meager numbers?
[23:20] King
    What is there to fear?
[23:23] King
    Every white flag may vanish from this land,
    but our army will not fight on its own.
[23:29] King
    Our army may be destroyed,
    but we will not be alone.
[23:34] King
    Though we may be in different places,
[23:36] King
    there are others who carry
    the same will and fight.
[23:40] King
    Though they may fly
    a different color flag,
[23:42] King
    we have comrades who possess
    the same proud, white spirit!
[23:47] King
    Even an army one million strong
[23:51] King
    cannot darken this white!
[23:56] King
    Tally ho!
SIGN    
[24:06] Gintoki
    It could happen to anyone...
[24:08] Gintoki
    Even to an animated character...
[24:11] Gintoki
    As long as genes, unhealthy behavior, stress,
    and other various factors are involved,
SIGN    ["You Don't Know What You've Got Till It's Gone"]
[24:16] Gintoki
    all people have a chance of going bald.
SIGN    
SIGN    
SIGN    [See you next time.]