# E162 - Love Is Unconditional
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GYE5PK78R/love-is-unconditional)
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:00] Otsu**
Hey, everybody! Good nightingale!
**[00:03] Otsu**
I'm still having so much trouble releasing a CD in real life.
**[00:08] Otsu**
And there's only one match left in the three-match pianist battle
**[00:12] Otsu**
to decide Tsu Terakado's official fan club!
**[00:16] Otsu**
In the first match, the quiz showdown,
**[00:18] Otsu**
Kondo-san made a perfect read to deliver victory for the Tsusengumi!
**[00:23] Otsu**
In the second match, the charisma showdown,
**[00:25] Otsu**
victory went to the Tsu Terakado Fan Club who invited me to the Gandara Vehotel!
**[00:31] Otsu**
And today will be the last match!
**[00:33] Otsu**
Which team will show their true love for me?
**[00:37] Otsu**
Aww!
**[00:38] Otsu**
Now I'm starting to get nervous!
**[00:40] Otsu**
Sorry, can I go take a piss?
**[02:24] N**
The three-match contest to decide Tsu Terakado's official fan club
**[02:28] N**
has finally reached its final match!
**[02:31] N**
Only two teams out of the many fans made it to the finals!
**[02:37] N**
The Tsu Terakado Fan Club!
**[02:41] N**
On the other side, we have the team led by Mr. Toshi, which has lived up to its name!
**[02:47] N**
The Tsusengumi!
**[02:51] N**
Each team has one win and one loss.
**[02:53] N**
We've been watching a back-and-forth battle here,
**[02:56] N**
but everything will be decided by this final match!
**[03:03] N**
Now, the final battle will begin!
**[03:12] N**
Representatives from both teams enter the ring!
***SIGN*** ["Love Is Unconditional"]
**[03:29] Gintoki**
Shinpachi.
**[03:31] Gintoki**
There's nothing left for us to do.
**[03:34] Gintoki**
From here on, this is your battle.
**[03:41] Shinpachi**
I can't lose.
**[03:43] Shinpachi**
I can't afford to lose.
**[03:46] Shinpachi**
For the sake of everyone who's helped bring me here,
**[03:49] Shinpachi**
I absolutely have to win!
**[03:56] Hijikata**
You've been a big help.
**[03:58] Hijikata**
I'll buy you dinner some time.
**[04:01] Kondo**
Toshi, failure is not allowed.
**[04:03] Kondo**
Take back your own self with your own hands!
**[04:09] Hijikata**
I will stand above all otaku.
**[04:12] Hijikata**
I will take this body back from Toshi.
**[04:28] Both**
Let's finish this.
**[04:36] N**
The third and final match will test your collecting abilities!
**[04:43] Shinpachi**
We aren't boxing?
**[04:45] N**
As fans, you naturally have assembled all kinds of paraphernalia
**[04:48] N**
related to your dear Otsu-chan.
**[04:51] N**
How hardcore have you been in gathering Otsu-chan paraphernalia?
**[04:56] N**
That will be the key to this contest!
**[05:00] N**
This is what we will be using today, Otsu chips!
**[05:05] N**
Otsu chips!
**[05:06] N**
Chips that aren't selling very well, or quite frankly, they aren't selling at all.
**[05:10] N**
We will have a card battle using the bonus cards that come with these chips!
**[05:16] Shinpachi**
A-A card battle?!
**[05:20] N**
The rules are simple.
**[05:22] N**
These cards have images of Otsu-chan in various poses.
**[05:26] N**
The cards have been assigned AP, attack points, and DP, defense points.
**[05:33] Shinpachi**
Why would idol cards have attack power and defense power?!
**[05:37] N**
We will place them on this live stage...
**[05:55] N**
And you will fight through these holograms of Otsu-chan!
**[05:58] Shinpachi**
Why is fighting even involved?!
**[06:00] Shinpachi**
And between two Otsu-chans?!
**[06:02] N**
Each player will be given 2000 life points.
**[06:06] N**
For each turn, you will each use a card,
**[06:09] N**
and the corresponding number of life points will be spent.
**[06:14] N**
The team whose life points reach zero first loses!
**[06:19] N**
And we won't be providing any cards!
**[06:22] N**
As fans, you naturally have these cards on your person.
**[06:26] N**
The cards you have on you right now will be your playing hand!
**[06:32] Shinpachi**
N-Not good!
**[06:34] Shinpachi**
I don't have a single one of those cards!
**[06:36] Shinpachi**
Hell, I never even knew they were being sold!
**[06:39] Shinpachi**
And didn't that bag say it was Indian Corn-poop flavored?!
**[06:41] Shinpachi**
Are those even edible?!
**[06:42] Shinpachi**
No, wait.
**[06:43] Shinpachi**
Hijikata-san couldn't possibly have any of these cards...
**[06:47] N**
Please set your cards and shuffle!
**[06:52] Shinpachi**
Hi-Hijikata!
**[06:55] Shinpachi**
Why do you have those?!
**[06:57] Shinpachi**
And so many!
**[07:00] Shinpachi**
Hijikata-san, whose coolness is his strength,
**[07:04] Shinpachi**
has that many Otsu chips cards!
**[07:07] Hijikata**
I will abandon shame and self-respect to take myself back.
**[07:12] Hijikata**
You can't conquer the otaku world by being half-hearted.
**[07:18] Shinpachi**
Hijikata-san...
**[07:19] Shinpachi**
What dreadful tenacity...
**[07:21] Shinpachi**
This is bad...
**[07:22] Shinpachi**
I can't put up a fight without any cards!
**[07:34] N**
Then, let the duel begin!
**[07:37] Shinpachi**
Gin-san, run to the store!
**[07:39] Shinpachi**
Buy lots of Otsu chips right away!
**[07:43] Gintoki**
I'm on it!
**[07:44] Hijikata**
So you didn't have any...as I expected.
**[07:47] Hijikata**
It's too late to try and assemble a deck now!
**[07:50] Hijikata**
I have a complete set up to the third series of Otsu chips!
**[07:55] Hijikata**
I'll finish this before you get any cards!
**[07:58] Hijikata**
This is my card!
**[08:01] N**
Mr. Toshi from the Tsusengumi makes the first move!
**[08:04] N**
His card is!
**[08:07] N**
Sentimental five minutes before curtain.
**[08:10] N**
Otsu in her dressing room right before the beginning of a concert.
**[08:12] N**
She's a nervous wreck.
**[08:15] N**
She will indiscriminately attack anyone if given the opportunity.
**[08:18] N**
(Especially Kimura.)
**[08:20] N**
460 attack points.
**[08:22] N**
3 defense points.
**[08:24] Shinpachi**
What kind of card is that?!
**[08:25] Shinpachi**
You're revealing way too much stuff people don't want to hear about an idol!
**[08:28] Shinpachi**
And who the hell is Kimura?!
**[08:30] N**
Mr. Toshi has chosen an attack card to begin with!
**[08:45] Otsu**
Don't come in my dressing room without permission!
**[08:50] Shinpachi**
Why is a hologram attacking a real person?!
**[08:55] Shinpachi**
And who the hell is she?!
**[08:56] Shinpachi**
This doesn't look anything like the original!
**[08:58] Shinpachi**
She looks like a totally different person!
**[09:01] N**
Mr. Shimura can do nothing against the Otsu-chan hologram!
**[09:05] N**
It is Mr. Shimura's turn!
**[09:07] N**
If he doesn't make a move, he'll lose a large number of life points
**[09:11] Gintoki**
Shinpachi!
**[09:15] Shinpachi**
Gin-san!
**[09:16] Shinpachi**
You made it in time!
**[09:17] Shinpachi**
I don't have time to choose a card!
**[09:19] Shinpachi**
I'll go with this!
**[09:22] N**
Oh!
**[09:23] N**
This is...!
**[09:24] N**
This card is...!
**[09:43] Shinpachi**
I don't have time to choose a card!
**[09:45] Shinpachi**
I'll go with this!
**[09:48] N**
Oh!
**[09:49] N**
This is...!
**[09:50] N**
This card is...!
**[10:06] N**
Oh! This card is...!
**[10:12] N**
KIM!
**[10:13] N**
KIM the bass player!
**[10:15] Shinpachi**
Uh, who the hell is that?!
**[10:16] N**
KIM the bass player.
**[10:17] N**
A member of Otsu's backing band, which supports Otsu behind the scenes.
**[10:20] N**
The bass player who also occasionally plays the castanets.
**[10:22] Shinpachi**
Why does it feel like I pulled a pointlessly plain card?!
**[10:25] Shinpachi**
What are its attack points?!
**[10:27] Shinpachi**
Does it have some kind of special ability?!
**[10:29] N**
The mole on his face occasionally vanishes,
**[10:32] N**
but he's an enigmatic figure who remains silent when asked about it.
**[10:35] N**
(And his real name isn't KIM, but Chutaro Kimura.)
**[10:38] Shinpachi**
So it's Kimura!
**[10:40] Shinpachi**
It's the Kimura that Otsu-chan is always spazzing on about!
**[10:43] Shinpachi**
He was clearly getting his mole taken off by Otsu-chan!
**[10:46] N**
This card is a support card with no attack points or defense points!
**[10:50] N**
Its effect is to piss off all Otsu cards in play and double their attack points!
**[10:56] N**
Sentimental five minutes before curtain's attack points have doubled to 920!
**[11:00] Otsu**
Hey, what's with the mole?
**[11:03] Otsu**
Is it some kind of switch?
**[11:05] Otsu**
It's a damn eyesore!
**[11:12] N**
Mr. Shimura makes a painful mistake!
**[11:14] N**
He ended up using a support card to double the attack power of his opponent's card!
**[11:19] N**
He has lost nearly half of his life points!
**[11:22] Kagura**
Shinpachi!
***SIGN*** [Note: Kagura and Gintoki are dressed as Danpei, who is the manager and corner man from boxing manga Tomorrow's Joe (Ashita no Joe).]
**[11:23] Gintoki**
What are you doing, fool?!
**[11:25] Gintoki**
You gotta throw inside punches!
**[11:27] N**
And this support card, KIM the bass player, lasts for five turns!
**[11:32] Shinpachi**
Hey, scram!
**[11:33] Shinpachi**
Stupid Kimura!
**[11:34] N**
If Mr. Shimura is attacked by a card with doubled attack points in the next turn,
**[11:37] N**
he has no chance of victory!
**[11:41] Hijikata**
As if double attack power was all you had to worry about.
**[11:43] Hijikata**
My turn!
**[11:45] Hijikata**
I'll teach you how you're supposed to use support cards!
**[11:50] Hijikata**
This is my next card!
**[11:52] N**
Oh!
**[11:53] N**
This card is...!
**[11:55] N**
*That day of the month!*
**[11:57] N**
*That day of the month.*
**[11:58] N**
Aggravate all female cards and triple their attack points.
**[12:02] N**
However, you cannot play a card the next time.
**[12:04] Shinpachi**
Which day is *that day of the month*?!
**[12:06] Shinpachi**
Is this really an idol card game?!
**[12:08] Shinpachi**
And is it actually okay to show this on TV?!
**[12:15] N**
Mr. Toshi has added *that day of the month* to an Otsu-chan
**[12:18] N**
already irritated by KIM the bass player to leave her in the worst possible mood!!
**[12:25] Shinpachi**
What?!
**[12:33] N**
And her attack power is now 2,760!
**[12:36] N**
An amazing number!
**[12:37] N**
If Mr. Shimura is hit with an attack, he'll lose in one blow!
**[12:42] Shinpachi**
I have to do something!
**[12:44] Gintoki**
Shinpachi!
**[12:45] Gintoki**
Here's more Otsu chips!
**[12:47] Shinpachi**
Come on!
**[12:48] Shinpachi**
Give me a good card!
**[12:54] Shinpachi**
Gin-san.
**[12:55] Shinpachi**
Are these really Otsu chips?
**[12:58] Shinpachi**
Are you sure you didn't get Kimura chips by accident?
**[13:02] Gintoki**
Shinpachi!
**[13:03] Gintoki**
You can only have five cards in a hand!
**[13:04] Gintoki**
Bet everything on the last one!
**[13:06] Shinpachi**
An Otsu card!
**[13:07] Shinpachi**
I'm going to draw an Otsu card!
**[13:10] Shinpachi**
If I have an Otsu card,
**[13:11] Shinpachi**
I can receive the effects from KIM the bass player and *that day of the month*
**[13:14] Shinpachi**
and put up a fight against that monster!
**[13:16] Hijikata**
It's no use.
**[13:18] Hijikata**
Cheap tricks won't do anything against this strike.
**[13:22] Hijikata**
Go!
**[13:23] Hijikata**
Otsu on *that day of the month*!
**[13:32] N**
A clean hit!
**[13:33] N**
Mr. Shimura has taken a direct 2,760 attack hit!
**[13:44] Hijikata**
It's all over.
**[13:53] Hijikata**
Wh-What?!
**[13:55] Hijikata**
I-Impossible!
**[13:57] Hijikata**
You...
**[13:58] Hijikata**
Why are you...
**[14:02] Hijikata**
Over there?!
**[14:04] N**
Oh!
**[14:06] N**
The support card, KIM the bass player, took the hit for Mr. Shimura!
**[14:09] Hijikata**
Impossible...
**[14:11] Hijikata**
How could a support card like you enter combat...?
**[14:15] Hijikata**
Much less endure a 2,760 attack point hit...!
**[14:25] Shinpachi**
That's...
**[14:28] Shinpachi**
It can't be!
**[14:36] N**
Separation..
**[14:38] N**
A support card that only works on KIM the bass player.
**[14:40] N**
Sacrifice the mole to withstand one attack by Otsu-chan.
**[14:48] Shinpachi**
K-KIM-san!
**[14:50] N**
KIM the bass player sacrificed his mole to protect Mr. Shimura!
**[14:56] Hijikata**
I-It can't be!
**[14:57] Hijikata**
I didn't expect that!
**[15:00] N**
Mr. Toshi cannot use a card next turn because of *that day of the month*!
**[15:04] N**
Have the tables been turned?!
**[15:06] Shinpachi**
KIM-san, hang in there!
**[15:10] Kim**
Avenge my mole...
**[15:15] Shinpachi**
KIM-san!
**[15:16] Shinpachi**
You just lost your mole!
**[15:17] Shinpachi**
Hang in there!
**[15:19] Shinpachi**
Why?!
**[15:19] Shinpachi**
I don't get it!
**[15:21] N**
Okay, it's Mr. Shimura's turn again!
**[15:23] N**
He can't let this chance slip away!
**[15:25] N**
He must draw a good card by any means!
**[15:30] Shinpachi**
Hijikata-san is completely helpless, unable to use a support card.
**[15:34] Shinpachi**
This is my chance to strike back!
**[15:36] Shinpachi**
An Otsu-chan card!
**[15:37] Shinpachi**
Draw an Otsu-chan card this time!
**[15:40] Shinpachi**
Please!
**[15:41] Shinpachi**
Come on!
**[15:43] Shinpachi**
Come on!
**[15:45] N**
Oh! This is...
**[15:47] N**
That card is...!
**[15:52] N**
KIYOSHI!
**[15:53] N**
KIYOSHI the drummer!
**[15:55] Shinpachi**
I got another worthless-looking one!
**[15:58] N**
KIYOSHI the drummer.
**[15:59] N**
A member of Otsu's backing band, which supports Otsu behind the scenes.
**[16:02] N**
The drummer who also occasionally plays the tambourine.
**[16:05] N**
He used to be close with KIM the bass player,
**[16:07] N**
but they got in a fight the other day when someone ate an extra slice of pizza,
**[16:10] N**
and they're looking for an opportunity to make up.
**[16:13] Shinpachi**
Who cares about that?!
**[16:14] Shinpachi**
Do that stuff in the dressing room!
**[16:15] Shinpachi**
Don't bring it into the game!
**[16:17] N**
If you have a pizza card, they'll make up and have a session.
**[16:19] Shinpachi**
Like I said, who cares?!
**[16:21] N**
Or if you have a cash card, they'll become even closer than they were before.
**[16:24] Shinpachi**
Don't use money to settle it!
**[16:35] Kim**
What is it?
**[16:37] Kim**
Don't look this way.
**[16:39] Kiyoshi**
I wasn't looking at you.
**[16:42] Shinpachi**
This is really awkward.
**[16:44] Shinpachi**
What's with these guys?
**[16:45] Shinpachi**
Why did they show up?
**[16:48] Hijikata**
It appears that he wasn't able to take advantage of his lucky chance.
**[16:54] Hijikata**
You have no chance of victory now.
**[17:00] Hijikata**
The time has finally come.
**[17:04] Hijikata**
It's been a long time.
**[17:05] Hijikata**
After obtaining that demonic sword and becoming cursed,
**[17:09] Hijikata**
I had to frantically suppress my other self, Toshi, who would pop up at any chance...
**[17:13] Hijikata**
The next thing I knew, I had a growing pile of figures and DVDs...
**[17:16] Hijikata**
And was being greeted on the street by strange otaku on a daily basis...
**[17:20] Hijikata**
I will end it all with this blow!
**[17:24] Hijikata**
I'll end it all with this card!
**[17:32] Hijikata**
This is...the end!
**[17:36] Hijikata**
Go!
**[17:44] N**
MIYABI the stylist.
**[17:46] N**
A stylist with a bad attitude.
**[17:48] N**
Regularly eats and steals stuff from the dressing room without permission.
**[17:52] N**
Otsu's deadly foe.
**[17:54] N**
Only works on Otsu in dressing room cards.
**[17:57] N**
Plus 1,000 attack points and defense points.
**[18:10] Hijikata**
This time, it's over.
**[18:11] Hijikata**
You ready?
**[18:13] Shinpachi**
As expected from the brilliant strategist, Toshiro Hijikata...
**[18:17] Shinpachi**
He has me completely backed into a corner.
**[18:21] Shinpachi**
But...
**[18:23] Shinpachi**
I can't afford to lose!
**[18:27] Shinpachi**
The feelings of everyone who has helped me...
**[18:32] Shinpachi**
Gin-san, Kagura-chan...
**[18:34] Shinpachi**
And Taka-tin.
**[18:36] Shinpachi**
Plus Taka-chin.
**[18:37] Shinpachi**
And most importantly...
**[18:39] Shinpachi**
My feelings of love and complete trust in Otsu-chan...
**[18:44] Shinpachi**
I can't let them down!
**[18:47] Shinpachi**
I'll stake my all on this card!
**[18:52] Shinpachi**
A mystery investigating card?!
**[18:54] Shinpachi**
Reveal a hidden truth to change parameters!
**[18:59] Shinpachi**
Damn it.
**[19:00] Shinpachi**
Another weird card in the end...
**[19:04] Hijikata**
You're out of options.
**[19:06] Hijikata**
Die!
**[19:09] Shinpachi**
Damn it!
**[19:10] Shinpachi**
I'll just have to leave it to fate!
**[19:12] Shinpachi**
Go!
**[19:21] Voice**
Mystery investigating card activate.
**[19:34] Voice**
Allow me to tell you the hidden truth.
**[19:40] Voice**
The one who secretly ate your pizza...
**[19:46] Voice**
The one who secretly ate your pizza...
**[19:56] Voice**
Was this fatass!
**[20:18] Kiyoshi**
Ichi, ni...
**[20:20] Kiyoshi**
Ichi, ni, three, four!
**[20:29] N**
Begin makeup session.
**[20:45] Shinpachi**
This is...
**[20:47] N**
Makeup session.
**[20:48] N**
A performance to bring peace on Earth!
**[20:51] N**
You are unable to attack, but if you're attacked,
**[20:58] N**
the attack points are doubled and the attack is reflected!
***SIGN*** [To Be Continued]
***SIGN***
**[22:57] Gintoki**
You just sometimes get in the mood
**[22:59] Gintoki**
for some hot shiruko, even when it isn't winter.
**[23:03] Gintoki**
And yeah, I can't really tell the difference between shiruko and zenzai.
***SIGN*** [Note: Zenzai(sweet bean soup): made from condensed paste with heat and is less watery than shiruko(red bean soup) which is more akin to jam or marmalade.]
**[23:08] Gintoki**
Why do they have to make it so complicated?
**[23:10] Gintoki**
Just call them the same name.
**[23:12] Gintoki**
Why bother differentiating?
**[23:14] Shinpachi**
Yeah, it's hard to tell the difference.
**[23:17] Gintoki**
And there's Yu Aoi and Sora Aoi.
***SIGN*** [Note: Yu Aoi is a popular mainstream actress. Sora Aoi is a Japanese porn star.]
**[23:20] Gintoki**
They might as well be the same person.
**[23:22] Gintoki**
I get them confused at times.
**[23:23] Shinpachi**
No, their names just sound similar.
**[23:25] Shinpachi**
They're different people.
**[23:27] Gintoki**
I'm thinking that they're talking about, y'know,
**[23:29] Gintoki**
but then they're actually talking about some fancy movie.
**[23:32] Gintoki**
It leaves my face burning.
**[23:34] Gintoki**
I don't want to endure another ordeal like that.
**[23:37] Gintoki**
And yeah, can Rinka clone herself or something?
***SIGN*** [Note: Rinka is a Japanese model and TV personality.]
**[23:42] Gintoki**
There are like five or six of them on TV.
**[23:46] Gintoki**
I can't tell which one's which.
**[23:49] Gintoki**
Can't they just combine into one giant Rinka?
**[23:53] Kagura**
And I can't tell the difference between GinTama and Kintama.
***SIGN*** [Note: Kintama is slang for "balls" in Japanese.]
**[23:58] Kagura**
Which one's the right ball and which one's the left ball?
***SIGN***
***SIGN***
**[24:07] Toshi**
Thanks, Toshiro...
**[24:10] Toshi**
But that's enough...
**[24:13] Toshi**
I'll handle the rest...
**[24:16] Hijikata**
The next episode...
**[24:17] Hijikata**
"The Black Ships Even Make A Scene When They Sink."
***SIGN*** [Toshi dangerously appears from within Toshiro! On to the next showdown in the Official Fan Club battle!]
***SIGN*** [By the way, there are many differences between Shiruko and Zenzai depending on whether you're in the Kanto or Kansai area. Google them for more details.]
***SIGN*** [See you next time.]