# E15 - Pets Resemble Their Owners
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G6X041X7Y/pets-resemble-their-owners)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** [Caution]
**[00:01] Gintoki**
To all you good boys and girls,
**[00:03] ---**
turn on the light in your room and sit up straight.
**[00:06] ---**
Be careful not to become an adult like this.
**[00:09] ---**
That's all.
***SIGN*** [The mysterious space creature "Elizabeth": born September 7. 180 cm. 123 kg.]
***SIGN*** [1st Annual Weird Cosmic Pet Grand Prix Hosted by well-known Tamosan.]
**[02:07] Katsura**
What time is it?
**[02:08] Shishi B**
It should be soon.
**[02:12] Katsura**
He's late.
**[02:13] ---**
That darn Sakamoto better not stand us up...
**[02:18] Shishi E**
Katsura! There!
**[02:23] Katsura**
Looks like he's here.
**[02:54] Katsura**
Sakamoto's not here?
**[02:56] Mutsu**
He's wandering off like always.
**[02:59] Mutsu**
He's one troublesome boss.
**[03:01] Katsura**
I see.
**[03:03] ---**
So, why did you call us out to a place like this?
**[03:06] Mutsu**
It's about this.
**[03:12] Mutsu**
It's a present from our boss.
It's addressed to you, Katsura.
**[03:16] Katsura**
To me?
**[03:47] Katsura**
Th-This is...
***SIGN*** ["Pets Resemble Their Owners"]
**[04:06] Gintoki**
You can't do this. You can't do your business here.
**[04:10] Gintoki**
Your doo-doo is bigger than the size of furniture!
**[04:13] Gintoki**
Dammit! This is why I hate walking you!
**[04:16] ---**
And after she said "I promise to take care of him!"
**[04:20] Gintoki**
In the end, it's always the mom who winds up taking care of the dog!
**[04:25] ---**
What? Am I the mom now?
**[04:27] Katsura**
Hmph. You can't even train a pet? Sad.
**[04:32] Katsura**
If you can't even control just one pet, how do you intend to move an entire nation?
**[04:37] ---**
And you call yourself a samurai?
**[04:39] Gintoki**
Zura! What's that, that...thing!
**[04:42] ---**
Gross!
**[04:43] Katsura**
It's not gross. It's Elizabeth.
**[04:45] Gintoki**
Well, maybe it isn't so bad on its own, but paired with you...it's gross.
**[04:50] ---**
I guess that means you're gross.
**[04:52] Gintoki**
That idiot Sakamoto dropped by my place the other day and left it behind.
**[04:56] ---**
He probably picked it up on some foreign planet.
**[05:00] ---**
Seems he's totally caught up with space travel.
**[05:08] Gintoki**
Aren't you the guy who hates aliens?
**[05:11] Katsura**
How could I hate an innocent creature like this?
**[05:15] ---**
And besides...
**[05:17] Katsura**
She's kinda cute, don't you think?
**[05:21] Katsura**
Okay, let's go, Elizabeth. Shall we take our walk on the riverbank?
**[05:25] Gintoki**
Zura... What the heck are you...
**[05:29] Gintoki**
Hey! What the?! Stop that!
**[05:32] ---**
It's humongous! And stinks!
**[05:35] Gintoki**
I told you to stop!
**[05:40] Gintoki**
Good grief.
**[05:42] Shinpachi**
Oh, Katsura did that...?
**[05:46] Shinpachi**
He sure has his weird side.
**[05:47] Gintoki**
Yeah, guess he's sort of mellowed.
**[05:52] ---**
Think he might take ours, too?
**[05:54] ---**
We don't need a roommate who doesn't contribute.
**[05:57] Gintoki**
The only things he contributes is feces and pain!
**[06:00] Kagura**
That kind of talk is not nice to Sadaharu, nope nope.
**[06:03] Kagura**
Sadaharu! Go ahead and gnaw his skull down to the bone, yep.
**[06:06] Gintoki**
Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! All right, I'm sorry.
**[06:09] ---**
Feces, pain, and urine!
**[06:11] Kagura**
Okay, Sadaharu, let him go.
**[06:14] Shinpachi**
It's not okay. He didn't add anything positive to that list!
**[06:17] Shinpachi**
Anyway, pets are just supposed to provide stress relief.
**[06:21] Shinpachi**
You shouldn't expect any other compensation from them.
**[06:23] Tamo**
We're looking for unusual pets for our show.
**[06:26] Gintoki**
Huh?
***SIGN*** [1st champion: Susumu]
**[06:27] Tamo**
Ever since our country opened up to the galaxy,
***SIGN*** [2nd champion: Hiroyuki]
**[06:29] Tamo**
many different animals have arrived with the Amanto.
***SIGN*** [3rd champion: Satoru]
**[06:33] Tamo**
Is there a strange pet living in your neighborhood?
**[06:36] Tamo**
We'll be crowning the strangest and cutest pet in Japan on our show!
**[06:41] ---**
The winner will receive a fabulous prize...
**[06:46] Gintoki**
Stress relief...or fabulous prizes...which would you rather have?
**[06:50] Otose**
One week?!
**[06:52] Gintoki**
For sure.
**[06:54] Gintoki**
If you'll wait one week, I'll pay you the money gift-wrapped, so don't worry.
**[06:58] Kagura**
I feel like an oil tycoon! I can have all the pickled seaweed I want!
**[07:02] Shinpachi**
For an oil tycoon, you've got small ambitions...
**[07:05] Otose**
You sure seem confident. Do you have something in mind?
**[07:10] Gintoki**
I do.
**[07:11] Kagura**
Unusual for him!
**[07:12] Shinpachi**
Sort of...
**[07:14] Otose**
I'm getting the feeling it's something fishy...
**[07:17] Catherine**
Otose! You mustn't trust what these guys say!
**[07:21] Catherine**
It's all just talk! All B.S.!
**[07:24] Gintoki**
Hey, you, why're you back here looking as though nothing happened?
**[07:29] Kagura**
If I'm not mistaken, you're in jail right now!
**[07:34] Otose**
Catherine was just recently released.
**[07:37] ---**
She had nowhere else to go, so she came back here.
**[07:41] Gintoki**
You sure are an eccentric, old lady...
**[07:44] ---**
hiring this thief who ran off with your shop's money...
**[07:48] ---**
Are you trying to reform her or something?
**[07:50] Otose**
Nothing like that. I just needed the help.
**[07:55] Gintoki**
Well, that's fine with me.
**[07:57] Kagura**
I'm warning you, don't touch my stuff, you cat-eared alien!
**[08:02] Catherine**
Don't talk big when you don't even have anything worth stealing, you girly alien!
**[08:06] Kagura**
Watch it, you alien hag!
**[08:08] Kagura**
I'll stuff a live fish into your mailbox one day!
**[08:11] Catherine**
I dare you to go without eating, you alien glutton!
**[08:16] Shinpachi**
Good one.
**[08:18] Otose**
Well, you've all had the chance to meet Catherine...
**[08:22] Otose**
One week. If you don't pay me by then,
**[08:26] ---**
you know what'll happen, don't you?
**[08:37] Katsura**
Okay, Elizabeth, shall we go to the park today?
**[08:42] Katsura**
Well then, let's go.
**[08:45] Shinpachi**
Come on, bring it!
**[08:49] Gintoki**
Whenever you're ready!
**[08:51] Kagura**
Okay, Sadaharu, do your best.
**[08:57] Kagura**
Okay, go! Sadaharu!
**[09:04] Kagura**
Sadaharu! Your paw!
**[09:09] Kagura**
Sadaharu! Now the other one!
**[09:13] Kagura**
Sadaharu! Sit!
**[09:16] Kagura**
Okay, we can do this! He's gotten much better!
**[09:20] Gintoki**
Uh, could you tell him to be a bit more gentle?
**[09:26] Shinpachi**
What he means is, we're risking our lives for every basic trick.
**[09:32] Katsura**
What're you doing?
**[09:35] Gintoki**
Oh, it's you, Zura...
**[09:37] Katsura**
It's not Zura, it's Katsura.
**[09:39] ---**
But more importantly, I want to know what you're doing.
**[09:41] Kagura**
Can't you see? We're teaching Sadaharu tricks.
**[09:45] Katsura**
Oh, is that so?
**[09:47] ---**
Which means you took my advice and had a change of heart?
**[09:52] Gintoki**
Don't be an idiot! Who'd have a change of heart just because of what you said?!
**[09:57] Kagura**
Sadaharu's going to be on TV.
**[09:59] Katsura**
TV?
**[10:00] Gintoki**
That's why we're doing special training.
**[10:02] ---**
Not that it's of any interest to a wanted man like you, right?
**[10:06] Kagura**
Okay, next is sitting up! Sadaharu!
**[10:12] Katsura**
...TV.
***SIGN*** [1st Annual Weird Cosmic Pet Grand Prix]
**[10:16] Tamo**
No pet contestant is too strange!
**[10:19] ---**
The stranger, the more original.
**[10:21] ---**
1st Annual Weird Cosmic Pet Grand Prix!
**[10:32] Otose**
I'm Ho-ome!
**[10:34] Catherine**
Welcome back.
**[10:36] Catherine**
How did it go, Otose?
**[10:37] Otose**
Not good. They ran off again.
**[10:41] Otose**
They run away every time I go to collect the rent.
**[10:49] ---**
If I ever catch 'em, I'll beat the living daylights outta 'em.
**[10:52] Catherine**
Nothing you say is going to work with people like that.
**[10:55] Catherine**
One rotten apple spoils the batch.
**[10:57] ---**
The best thing is to chase them out before they ruin everything.
**[11:00] Otose**
Isn't that talking too big for someone who was just released from jail?
**[11:05] Catherine**
That was that. This is this.
**[11:08] Otose**
You sure have nerve.
**[11:12] Catherine**
Otose! Otose! Look at that!
**[11:16] Otose**
Quiet! Do you want to get thrown back into the slammer?! Do you?!
**[11:19] Catherine**
Look. Look at the TV!
**[11:22] Tamo**
Welcome from Kabukicho, Shinjuku, space creature Sadaharu and his owners, the Sakata family.
**[11:29] Otose**
Sakata family?! What the hell are those morons up to now?!
**[11:34] Catherine**
Their way of paying the rent...this is what they were talking about.
**[11:38] Tamo**
The team that gets past the preliminary round will earn the right to face our previous champion...
**[11:41] Tamo**
the Mask du Meow family and their pet, Miss Garter Belt!
**[11:45] ---**
Good luck!
**[11:47] Mu**
Bring it on!
**[11:50] Shinpachi**
I can't believe we're actually doing this.
**[11:53] Gintoki**
We're playing to win. So psych yourself up!
**[11:56] Tamo**
Uh, is that Sadaharu clamped onto Sakata? Are you all right?
**[12:03] Gintoki**
I'm fine. Sadaharu is a bright pup. This is his playful bite.
**[12:08] Tamo**
But you're bleeding...
**[12:10] Shinpachi**
Gin, the judges are getting worried.
**[12:13] ---**
Stop the bleeding! Stop it!
**[12:15] ---**
Stop Sadaharu, Kagura!
**[12:17] Shinpachi**
He won't listen to anybody but you, Kagura.
**[12:20] Kagura**
Right.
**[12:25] Kagura**
Sadaharu! Stop! No snacks for you tonight!
**[12:29] Shinpachi**
Are you ignoring me, too?!
**[12:33] Shinpachi**
Come on! Pull yourselves together. We can't get to the finals like this!
**[12:39] Gintoki**
That so? The judges can't take their eyes off of me.
**[12:42] ---**
Of course they can't take their eyes off of you. Look in the mirror!
**[12:46] Kagura**
You're both stiff. Use the entire stage!
**[12:50] ---**
Move your bodies more!
**[12:52] Shinpachi**
You're the one who looks like a robot!
**[12:55] Tamo**
It would seem the owners are more unusual than their pet.
**[12:59] ---**
Let's cut to commercial.
**[13:09] Tamo**
All right! Let's welcome our next team.
**[13:15] Tamo**
Our next unusual pet is...
**[13:17] Tamo**
space creature Elizabeth, and her owner, Space Captain Katsura!
**[13:25] Gintoki**
What's he up to?
**[13:27] Gintoki**
A wanted man is disguising himself to get on TV.
**[13:31] Shinpachi**
He seems to really love his pet.
**[13:34] Kagura**
He likes his pet, but he's also in love with that costume.
**[13:37] Tamo**
Katsura, what exactly is a Space Captain?
**[13:42] Katsura**
A captain in space.
**[13:47] Tamo**
You'll be facing Sadaharu over there. The winner advances to the finals.
**[13:52] ---**
How confident are you?
**[13:54] Katsura**
That's nothing but a huge dog.
**[13:57] ---**
My dog Taro back home is about that size.
**[14:00] Gintoki**
What's that, Zura?!
**[14:02] Gintoki**
Stuff like that monster penguin of yours comes out of the faucet when I turn on the spigot at home!
**[14:08] Shinpachi**
Too obvious! Stop making up such transparent lies!
**[14:10] Tamo**
It's time to appeal to our judges!
**[14:12] ---**
Come on and give it up.
**[14:15] ---**
It's time for the first round.
**[14:17] ---**
Show our judges your pet's most attractive features!
**[14:20] Tamo**
As we always mention, our judges assign scores according to their own arbitrary judgment.
**[14:26] Tamo**
All right, let's begin with the Sakata family. This is your time to shine. Go!
**[14:31] Kagura**
Okay! Let's show them the results of your special training!
**[14:34] Gintoki**
Damn right you will.
**[14:36] Gintoki**
We can't let this past week of bloody effort go to waste.
**[14:39] Shinpachi**
Spraying blood around isn't really work, though.
**[14:42] Kagura**
Are you ready, Gin? Shinpachi?
**[14:46] Kagura**
Ready, Sadaharu?
**[14:50] Gintoki**
This will work. Trust in yourself.
**[14:52] Gintoki**
Mom believes in you, son.
**[14:55] Shinpachi**
Who are you talking to?
**[14:57] Kagura**
Okay, Sadaharu! Go!
**[15:05] Kagura**
Sadaharu! Your paw!
**[15:07] Kagura**
Now the other one!
**[15:09] Kagura**
The final trick! Sit!
**[15:13] Kagura**
Okay! Perfect!
**[15:15] Katsura**
Hmph. It's no different than the last time!
**[15:18] ---**
As if force and blood are all it takes to call something a trick.
**[15:22] ---**
My Elizabeth doesn't do such lowly tricks.
**[15:25] Tamo**
Now, it's Elizabeth's time to appeal to our judges.
**[15:28] ---**
Go ahead!
**[15:30] Katsura**
Watch this!
**[15:34] Tamo**
Paper and brushes?! What is she going to do?!
**[15:39] Katsura**
Yes...
**[15:39] Katsura**
Show them, Elizabeth!
**[15:50] Tamo**
Oh! Elizabeth's drawing like crazy all of a sudden!
**[16:02] Gintoki**
Wh-What's that...?
**[16:04] Tamo**
It's a wonderful painting!
**[16:06] ---**
It's as though a human painted it!
**[16:09] Katsura**
Hey, announcer, what kind of way is that to describe it?!
**[16:12] Katsura**
That's being rude to Elizabeth.
**[16:14] Tamo**
Uh... Forgive me.
**[16:16] Kagura**
Hmph. I could paint better than that!
**[16:20] Shinpachi**
No, that's not the point.
**[16:22] Gintoki**
It's all right. We win on impact. Don't worry.
**[16:26] Shinpachi**
We only won on quantity of blood.
**[16:29] Tamo**
This is fine work...
**[16:32] ---**
I think this will achieve quite a high score.
**[16:36] Tamo**
All right, judges, let's see your scores.
**[16:45] Tamo**
My! We've got quite a point spread from the very start!
**[16:50] Tamo**
Will it be possible to turn the tables?!
**[16:52] Shinpachi**
That's what I'd like to know.
**[16:56] Katsura**
Hmph. The match is over.
**[17:02] Tamo**
We'll now move on to round two.
**[17:07] Tamo**
I will toss this fried chicken bone. The first pet that fetches this bone back to its master will be the winner.
**[17:12] Tamo**
Feel free to yell commands at your pet. If you win this event, you will receive 30,000 points.
**[17:18] Tamo**
Put your heart and soul into this challenge!
**[17:20] Katsura**
Hey, announcer. Then what was the purpose of the first round?
**[17:24] Tamo**
Well, as a show, we needed to build the excitement...
**[17:28] Katsura**
You don't need to do that! Change the rules right now!
**[17:32] Gintoki**
Hey Zura. Don't argue with the producers!
**[17:36] Gintoki**
If you've got a problem with it, go on home!
**[17:38] Katsura**
What?!
**[17:38] Tamo**
Now, now.
**[17:39] ---**
Anyhow, this will determine the winner.
**[17:41] ---**
Both of you, good luck.
**[17:43] Gintoki**
Why don't we just skip the boring contest and duke it out like men?
**[17:47] Katsura**
I was hoping you'd say that!
**[17:49] Tamo**
No, this isn't your fight! Cut it out, damn you!
**[17:53] Shinpachi**
Hey, maybe we can win this, after all!
**[17:55] ---**
Elizabeth looks pretty slow on her feet, doesn't she, Kagura?
***SIGN*** [Shinpachi, say something funny.]
**[18:04] Shinpachi**
Why don't you go home?
**[18:12] Tamo**
Okay, here we go!
**[18:14] Tamo**
Ready...
**[18:16] Tamo**
Get set...
**[18:23] Tamo**
Go!
**[18:25] Tamo**
What do we have here?!
**[18:35] Gintoki**
Idiot! The other way!
**[18:39] Tamo**
Sadaharu ran the wrong way, and is chasing after his owner!
**[18:43] Gintoki**
Stop! It's the other way, I'm telling you!
**[18:55] Tamo**
Uh-oh! Sakata charged into the judges' table!
**[18:59] ---**
Stop that! Don't destroy the set!
**[19:03] ---**
As for Elizabeth...
**[19:07] Tamo**
What speed!
**[19:08] ---**
Elizabeth looked to be at a disadvantage, but she's running at awesome speed!
**[19:13] ---**
Huh? Are my eyes playing tricks on me?!
**[19:15] Tamo**
For an instant, I saw what looked like an old man's leg.
**[19:17] ---**
There it is again! Hey, old man!
**[19:21] Katsura**
Enough with your false accusations!
**[19:23] ---**
Elizabeth trained hard just for today.
**[19:25] ---**
Don't call her an old man or things like that!
**[19:27] Tamo**
Uh... Sorry.
**[19:29] Shinpachi**
Gin!
**[19:31] Shinpachi**
If you're going to run away, run away toward the bone!
**[19:34] ---**
Kagura! Call Sadaharu back!
***SIGN*** [I'm feeling a bit hungry.]
**[19:39] Shinpachi**
Who're you talking to...?
**[19:41] Gintoki**
Don't come this way! Stop, you stupid dog!
**[19:44] ---**
Look out!
**[19:45] Gintoki**
Out of the way!
**[19:48] ---**
I'm not moving. As Annual Weird Cosmic Pet Grand Prix champion and its owner...
**[19:59] Mu**
I can't run from here! I'll take you on!
**[20:03] ---**
Miss Garter Belt! Execute Plan C!
**[20:17] Tamo**
Oh! Our champion is defeated so easily!
**[20:20] Tamo**
How will we hold our finals?
**[20:32] Tamo**
Sadaharu bites Sakata!
**[20:36] ---**
Just what on earth is your relationship, anyway?!
**[20:40] Shinpachi**
Gin! What'll we do? We're about to lose!
**[20:44] Kagura**
Sadaharu, move!
**[20:48] Kagura**
Oh look, look. Want this?
**[20:52] Gintoki**
Come one, come on, put me down, you damn brat!
**[20:55] Kagura**
Go!
**[20:58] Gintoki**
Go?!
**[21:12] Tamo**
It appears Sakata is using himself as bait
**[21:16] Tamo**
to lure Sadaharu!
**[21:18] Tamo**
Sadaharu is charging like a rhino! But Elizabeth has nearly reached the bone.
**[21:28] Gintoki**
No fabulous prize for you.
**[21:31] Katsura**
Let go of Elizabeth!
**[21:33] Katsura**
The fabulous prize belongs to me and Elizabeth.
**[21:37] Katsura**
After all is said and done, you love your master, don't you?
**[21:41] ---**
But if you bite any harder,
**[21:43] Katsura**
I'll snap your master's neck.
**[21:46] ---**
What are you gonna do?
**[21:47] Gintoki**
He's not gonna do anything! He doesn't understand you!
**[21:50] Tamo**
You bastards! You changed the format of the contest!
**[21:53] Tamo**
Please, if you don't follow the rules, we can't broadcast this!
**[21:57] Katsura**
Who cares about your broadcast!
**[22:01] Elizabeth**
Oh, the hell with it.
**[22:05] Elizabeth**
I'm pooped.
**[22:08] Elizabeth**
I'm going home. Can you just get off me?
**[22:23] Tamo**
What's going on?!
**[22:28] Katsura**
That can't be. Elizabe...
***SIGN*** [One moment please]
**[22:42] Otose**
What the hell was that?!
**[22:44] ---**
What happened to Elizabeth?!
**[22:46] ---**
Hey! Elizabeth!
***SIGN***
**[24:20] Hasegawa**
Until just a while ago, I was headed straight on the path to success,
**[24:24] Hasegawa**
but after I did that thing on a whim, I lost everything.
**[24:28] Hasegawa**
The next episode:
**[24:30] Hasegawa**
"If You Stop and Think About It, Your Life's a Lot Longer as an Old Guy than a Kid! Whoa, Scary!!"
**[24:34] ---**
All I have now are my sunglasses.
***SIGN*** [Taizo Hasegawa, age 38, unemployed. Formerly a ranking Shogunate official.]
***SIGN*** [Currently looking for employment throwing away his pride. But, he can't throw away his shades.]
***SIGN*** [What are you jerks looking at?]