350 - Bragging About Your Own Heroic Deeds Will Make People Hate You, so Make Others Do It For You

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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Silver Soul
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
SIGN    Bragging About Your Own Heroic Deeds 
    Will Make People Hate You, 
    so Make Others Do It For You
SIGN    Watch the Silver Soul Arc in a bright room
    and at a safe distance from your TV!!
[01:47] Tsu
    What? Done already?
[01:50] Tsu
    In Yoshiwara, men are disliked if
    they're either too fast or too slow.
[01:56] G
    No way. Ougai-sama was taken out by such...
[02:00] Gin
    C'mon. Don't tell me you're still calling
    these guys mere women and children.
[02:07] Gin
    Not all of Earth's women are
    monstrous gorillas like these!
[02:11] Gin
    We have plenty of better women—
[02:14] Gin
    Wh-Why are you here, anyway?
[02:19] Tsu
    You were right on the money. We're here
    to ruin the reputation of Earth's women.
[02:25] Kyu
    Never thought the likes of Tsukuyo-dono
    and I would shoulder the honor of women.
[02:30] Kag
    Don't worry about it. My loli-cuteness
    can cover for it all.
[02:34] Gin
    You're the one ruining
    their reputation the most!
[02:37] Tae
    The only people who'd gather in a
    battlefield even men would run from
[02:41] Tae
    are women, don't you think?
[02:50] (Flashback) Hin
    Looks like it has begun.
[02:56] (Flashback) Hin
    You want to go help them,
[03:00] (Flashback) Hin
    don't you?
[03:02] (Flashback) Tsu
    I'm the Courtesan of Death,
    guardian of Yoshiwara.
[03:07] (Flashback) Hin
    Tsukuyo, it's okay for you to give
    off your own dazzling light now.
[03:14] (Flashback) Sei
    Tsukuyo-nee.
[03:17] (Flashback) Sei
    Go on.
[03:18] (Flashback) Sei
    We'll protect Mom and Yoshiwara, I promise!
[03:25] (Flashback) Hin
    This time,
[03:27] (Flashback) Hin
    it's the sun's turn to keep
    watch while the moon is away.
[03:32] (Flashback) Hin
    Go illuminate their path
    with the light they gave us.
[03:42] (Flashback) Hin
    She's such a handful.
[03:45] (Flashback) Hin
    If we don't give her a
    million and one reasons,
[03:47] (Flashback) Hin
    she won't even go see the man she fell for.
[03:53] (Flashback) Hin
    "The world doesn't matter.
    I just want to die by your side."
[03:58] (Flashback) Hin
    Isn't that reason enough?
[04:02] G
    Scatter! Don't bunch up in the alley!
[04:05] Tsu
    Running away? Some men you are!
[04:08] Kyu
    Don't you have it in you
    to avenge your leader?!
[04:14] Tsu
    Run from it as we might,
    we're still women in the end, huh?
[04:17] Kyu
    Nothing wrong with that.
[04:19] Kyu
    I now feel,
[04:21] Kyu
    for the first time,
[04:23] Kyu
    that being born a girl wasn't so bad.
[04:30] Tsu
    I see.
[04:32] Tsu
    Wanna hit up a boutique once
    this war is over, then?
[04:36] Kyu
    Nah. I'd rather get pancakes.
[04:43] Tsu
    K...
[04:44] Tsu
    Kyubei!
[04:50] Oug
    I never thought I'd run into someone
    who could break my horn again.
[04:56] Shin
    No!
[04:58] Oug
    But...
[04:59] Oug
    You couldn't crack my skull, huh?
[05:04] Sot
    You're having an awfully hard
    time dealing with these apes.
[05:08] Sot
    Can't you fight using your head a little?
[05:12] Shin
    Sis!
[05:14] Oug
    Sotatsu...
[05:16] Oug
    You struck while we were
    engaged with the enemy?
[05:19] Oug
    You conniving thief!
[05:21] Sot
    Our primary goal
[05:23] Sot
    is to restore the comms
    affected by that virus cannon.
[05:29] Sot
    Earthlings, offer up the
    creator of the virus cannon.
[05:33] Sot
    If you don't,
[05:35] Sot
    these women are all dead.
[05:37] Shin
    D-Don't!
[05:38] Oto
    Here.
[05:42] Oto
    The mastermind's right here.
[05:46] Tae
    Otose-san! Gengai-san!
[05:49] Oto
    This geezer here is Edo's finest
    inventor, the one who sank your ships.
[05:54] Oto
    And this gran here is the one
    who organized the whole thing.
[05:57] Gen
    I built that machine to
    protect the people of Edo.
[06:02] Gen
    If people died to keep it safe, we'd
    be mistaking the means for the end.
[06:06] Oto
    There you have it.
[06:08] Oto
    Take us to hell or wherever.
[06:11] Oto
    You guys did well,
[06:14] Oto
    but this is as far as we go.
[06:17] 73
    Hold it!
[06:20] 73
    Why're you tryin' to hog all the glory?
[06:24] 73
    The one who built that virus cannon
[06:26] 73
    was me, Doctor Kurogoma Katsuo!
[06:31] 73
    I went through so much to build that
    thing! Ain't that right, assistants?
[06:35] G
    Yes, bos—I mean, Doctor!
    It must've been hell!
[06:39] 73
    Which parts? Give 'em the details
    on which parts exactly were hell!
[06:44] G
    L-Like all the addition and
    subtraction. That was hell.
[06:47] 73
    Are you stupid? Like you could build
    somethin' like that with just that!
[06:51] 73
    We also used multiplication!
[06:53] 73
    The sevens table was the hardest!
[06:54] Sot
    What's going on here?
    Didn't the geezer build that—
[06:55] 73
    No matter how many times we did it, seven 
    times eight always came out to sixty-eight!
[06:57] Kyo
    Machines are just like women.
[06:59] G
    But it's sixty-four!
[07:01] Kyo
    Unless they're handled with care,
    they'll break down immediately.
[07:01] 73
    What? Really?
[07:05] Kyo
    No chimpanzee or crude geezer
    could build that thing.
[07:10] Kyo
    But my, Doctor Kyoshiro's, wiles make both
    contraptions and women a piece of cake.
[07:16] 73
    Yer face is the only contraption here,
    you monster of plastic surgery!
[07:20] Kyo
    If you want to take someone, take me.
[07:23] Kyo
    But I won't be held accountable should your
    planet's women become slaves to my virus.
[07:30] 73
    Shut it! I've got a ton of viruses myself!
[07:33] Kyo
    Yours are just STDs.
[07:34] 73
    Who're you sayin' has crotch rot?!
[07:35] G
    Bro! Nobody specified crotch rot!
[07:39] [SONG] Sign
    Indeed.
[07:39] HB
    Indeed.
SIGN    All men
[07:41] HB
    All men
SIGN    may be doctors 
    with virus cannons 
    in their crotches.
[07:43] HB
    may be doctors with virus
    cannons in their crotches.
[07:47] Haj
    No way that's right!
    There's a limit to "forced," bro!
[07:51] HB
    If you must take someone,
    take this Doctor Hardboiled with you.
[07:55] HB
    And let me research
    crossbreeding on your planet.
[07:59] 73
    You've got yer priorities all mixed up!
[08:01] Kyo
    No. I shall go and represent
    Earth in slaying a thousand.
[08:04] 73
    You, too?! Fine, I'll get in on it!
[08:06] HB
    No, I'm more than enough.
[08:08] Sot
    Knock it off! Who's the real inventor?
[08:11] Cat
    Me!
[08:12] G
    Me!
[08:17] Oto
    You all...
[08:19] Cat
    If you want to take anyone, take all of us.
[08:22] Cat
    The ones who built that and
    tried to protect this town...
[08:26] All
    It was all of us!
[08:30] Sot
    So that's your answer?
[08:34] Sot
    If anyone's going to die, you're
    all prepared to die here with them?
[08:38] Sot
    But there's no need for that.
[08:41] Sot
    The only people who need to die
    is everyone but the geezer!
[08:56] Shin
    Sis!
[09:02] Sot
    I never had any intention of cutting a deal
    with people whose days are numbered.
[09:07] Sot
    The only ones we deal with
    are the Liberation Army.
[09:15] Oto
    Agreed.
[09:16] Oto
    I don't plan on cutting a deal with people
    whose days are numbered, either.
[09:21] Oto
    The ones we're dealing with
[09:23] Oto
    are over here.
[09:29] Oto
    Took you long enough.
[09:31] Oto
    Buying time isn't easy, you know?
[09:43] Tae
    Shin-chan...
[09:47] Shin
    What's going on?
[09:48] Chin
    Thank goodness.
[09:51] Chin
    Looks like we made it in time.
[09:54] Chin
    Good work keeping watch while we were away.
[09:58] Chin
    You did well to hold out.
[10:01] Chin
    But everything will be all right now.
[10:12] Sot
    Who goes there?
[10:14] Jir
    'Tis an honor.
[10:16] Jir
    I was born and raised in
    the Kabuki District of Edo.
[10:20] Jir
    I left on a long journey of atonement,
[10:24] Jir
    but unable to forget my hometown
    or the promise I made with my friend,
[10:28] Jir
    I have returned red-faced.
[10:32] Jir
    I am...
[10:36] Jir
    Terada Tatsugoro's friend and
    the Kabuki District's guardian.
[10:42] Jir
    Doromizu Jirocho's the name.
[10:53] Chin
    Residents of the Kabuki District,
[10:56] Chin
    the boss of this town has returned.
[11:02] Chin
    I'm back, Bro!
[11:05] Shin
    Pirako-san!
[11:09] Sot
    Laughable.
[11:11] Sot
    You were buying time while
    your women were taken hostage
[11:15] Sot
    for a broken-down old man like this?
[11:17] Jir
    I don't know how it works on your planet,
[11:20] Jir
    but over here, it ain't easy for
    men to call themselves that.
[11:26] Jir
    Just take a look at the women here.
[11:29] Jir
    The planet's about to be destroyed,
    but instead of running or hiding,
[11:34] Jir
    they've all got bold looks on their faces
[11:36] Jir
    and are standing their ground
    with their heads held high.
[11:40] Jir
    That's why the men of this town
    always get ridiculed as cowards.
[11:47] Sot
    Attack.
[11:50] Jir
    And that's why
[11:54] Jir
    we men howl about our chivalry
    until the day we die!
[12:02] 73
    Let's roll, cowards of Kabuki District!
[12:06] 73
    This is our time to show off our manliness!
[12:16] Jir
    Kid.
[12:17] Jir
    The same trick won't work twice on samurai.
[12:22] Jir
    We...
[12:27] Jir
    We remember.
[12:31] Jir
    We remember how you kill.
[12:36] Gin
    Here I thought you'd gone senile and come
    back to make another move on the gran.
[12:42] Jir
    I did come back for a woman,
    but a different one this time.
[12:45] Gin
    Gee, what a playboy.
[12:47] Gin
    What kinda monster is it this—
[12:49] Chin
    Bro!
[12:51] Jir
    Fine lass, ain't she?
[12:51] Shin
    Pirako-san!
[12:53] Jir
    When she heard the Liberation
    Army was approaching the town,
[12:53] Kag
    Cun Pirako!
[12:55] Chin
    It's been too long.
[12:56] Jir
    she insisted on coming back.
[12:58] Chin
    What are you saying?
[13:00] Chin
    You were walking so fast yourself,
    I had a hard time keeping up.
[13:04] Jir
    You were just too slow.
[13:07] Chin
    You were too fast.
[13:09] Jir
    You were too slow.
[13:10] Chin
    You were too fast!
[13:11] Jir
    You were too slow.
[13:14] Chin
    But you really were too fast...
[13:18] Jir
    Y-Yeah, I was going too fast.
    I was going at Mach speed.
[13:21] Jir
    Want some candy?
[13:22] Shin
    Jirocho-san?!
[13:23] Kag
    The diarrhea geezer got wrapped around his
    daughter's finger while they were away.
[13:28] Jir
    Don't be stupid! I'm the Great...
[13:31] Chin
    Jirochon. Call him that.
[13:32] Chin
    That's what I've been calling him lately.
[13:34] Jir
    Don't mention that in public—
[13:36] Chin
    He yelled at me...
[13:37] Jir
    I'm not mad. Jirochon's
    perfectly all right with it.
[13:41] Jir
    Oh, want a steamed bun, Pirarin?
[13:42] Shin
    You call her Pirarin?!
[13:50] Sot
    I see. You're the ones who
    killed Kada of the Harusame?
[13:55] Sot
    I'd heard her entire group
    got wiped out on Earth.
[13:59] Sot
    Being able to avenge one of my
    own here is a pleasant surprise.
[14:03] Jir
    Stand back, Pirarin.
[14:05] Chin
    No, Jirochon. This one is mine.
[14:09] Chin
    I am Doromizu Pirako.
[14:12] Chin
    I'll stake this name my brothers helped me
    obtain and uphold my hometown's honor.
[14:20] Shin
    Pirako-san...
[14:22] Jir
    That so? I won't stop you, then.
[14:25] Jir
    Listen up, you louts! If you
    lay one finger on this girl,
[14:32] Jir
    I'll kill you dead.
[14:35] Gin
    Why me?!
[14:36] Gin
    The enemy's over there! What kinda
    honor are you trying to uphold?!
[14:39] Gin
    My daughter's taken a liking to some
    loser, so I'm going to kill him dead.
[14:43] Gin
    Quit it with that pinpoint
    sense of honor and justice!
[14:45] Jir
    That said...
[14:48] Jir
    Allow me to express my gratitude.
[14:52] Jir
    Thank you for fighting.
[14:55] Jir
    Thank you for protecting everything.
[14:58] Jir
    Thank you for staying alive.
[15:05] Jir
    Tatsugoro, your spirit still
    lives strong in this town.
[15:12] Jir
    The Kabuki District is still
    the same old town you loved.
[15:17] Jir
    Please watch over them...
[15:21] Jir
    The people who've inherited this
    town, and the path they take.
[15:32] Cat
    This way, Otose-san!
[15:37] Oto
    Sheesh.
[15:38] Oto
    Why is the gangster grandpa
    having the most fun raising hell?
[15:45] Oto
    Actually, that's how you've always been.
[15:50] Oto
    All my memories of you involve you
    fighting someone or another.
[15:55] Oto
    You swung your fists around like
    it was your way of saying hello.
[16:00] Oto
    Yes, it was the same that time, too.
[16:06] (Flashback) Ttgr
    So you're Jirocho?
[16:09] (Flashback) Ttgr
    I heard you were an honorable man who upheld
    the order of this town even as yakuza,
[16:14] (Flashback) Ttgr
    but you should discipline
    your underlings better.
[16:18] (Flashback) Oto
    You've got it wrong about these guys, sir.
[16:21] (Flashback) Oto
    Lately, more hoodlums have started using
    Jirocho's name to boss people around.
[16:26] (Flashback) Ttgr
    Oh, is that so?
[16:29] (Flashback) Jir
    I was thinking it was high time
    I taught these punks a lesson...
[16:36] (Flashback) Jir
    But I feel like fighting someone
    on the straight and narrow today.
[16:39] (Flashback) Jir
    Care to join me?
[16:47] Oto
    You punched, got punched, hit
    each other with everything you had,
[16:58] Oto
    and hurt each other.
[17:06] Oto
    But while watching you, I eventually learned
[17:16] Oto
    that conversing with your fists
    came more naturally to you two.
[17:24] (Flashback) Ttgr
    Looks like she's gonna open up a place soon.
[17:27] (Flashback) Jir
    Really? What kinda place will it be?
[17:29] (Flashback) Ttgr
    Don't play dumb, Jirocho.
[17:32] (Flashback) Ttgr
    Running a place where people could cast
    aside their status and drink as fools
[17:37] (Flashback) Ttgr
    has always been her dream.
[17:40] (Flashback) Ttgr
    The reason she found it so easy
    to find a place and raise money
[17:45] (Flashback) Ttgr
    was because you laid the groundwork
    behind the scenes, right?
[17:48] (Flashback) Jir
    I wouldn't dare be so thoughtless.
[17:50] (Flashback) Ttgr
    She did it all herself.
[17:55] (Flashback) Ttgr
    I'll leave it at that, then.
[17:59] (Flashback) Ttgr
    But things will get harder from now on.
[18:05] (Flashback) Ttgr
    You know this town ain't easy to live
    in without anyone supporting you.
[18:10] (Flashback) Ttgr
    Say, Jirocho.
[18:12] (Flashback) Ttgr
    Don't you think it's about
    time you told her...
[18:20] (Flashback) Ttgr
    Where'd that come from?
    Was there a fly on my face?
[18:23] (Flashback) Jir
    Are you trying to let another guy have the
    woman you fell for? A gangster, no less?
[18:31] (Flashback) Ttgr
    I said it 'cause I figured you were a
    man who'd quit for the woman he loves.
[18:37] (Flashback) Jir
    We're just old friends who
    can't get rid of each other.
[18:40] (Flashback) Ttgr
    And a lot of married couples tend to be that.
[18:44] (Flashback) Ttgr
    Besides, living life alone and
    as I please suits me more.
[18:49] (Flashback) Ttgr
    On the other hand, you're
    used to having a family.
[18:53] (Flashback) Ttgr
    Aren't you, godfather?
[18:56] (Flashback) Jir
    Looks like we both know that we're
    cowards who can't make a woman happy.
[19:03] (Flashback) Jir
    But we both believe the coward in front of
    us is the only one who can be her support.
[19:10] (Flashback) Jir
    Only one way to settle this!
[19:12] (Flashback) Ttgr
    With our fists!
[19:17] (Flashback) Jir
    If I win, you'll woo her, Tatsugoro!
[19:24] (Flashback) Ttgr
    We're both trying to pass her off? There
    won't be any wooing if she finds out.
[19:32] (Flashback) Ttgr
    But...
[19:34] (Flashback) Ttgr
    I can't wait to see you try and woo her!
[19:39] (Flashback) Jir
    You think you've already won?
[19:40] (Flashback) Ttgr
    The battle was decided the day we met!
[19:43] (Flashback) Jir
    How many years ago do you think that was?!
[19:47] (Flashback) Jir
    I can't afford to lose to you.
[19:50] (Flashback) Jir
    Because I noticed.
[19:53] (Flashback) Jir
    I've been right by her side 
    and watching her forever,
[19:58] (Flashback) Jir
    so I couldn't help but realize.
[20:28] (Flashback) Jir
    Once you open up shop,
    can I come get a drink?
[20:33] (Flashback) Jir
    If it's a place where both gangsters
    and cops can drink as fools,
[20:40] (Flashback) Jir
    it'll welcome even the guy who beat
    up the man the owner loves, right?
[20:49] (Flashback) Oto
    Of course.
[20:53] (Flashback) Oto
    After all, you're the biggest fool in Japan.
[21:16] Gin
    Run for it!
[21:20] Sot
    Futile.
[21:24] Sot
    This area's already under our control.
[21:26] Sot
    You're rats who jumped
    into a trap on your own.
[22:01] 73
    Now, old man!
[22:04] 73
    Show 'em what the boss of
    the Kabuki District can do!
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Preview
[23:44] Gin
    Keep running forward until you
    can't see any enemies up ahead!
[23:47] Jir
    I've gotten in on quite the gamble.
[23:49] Hed
    Just your friendly neighborhood florist.
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
SIGN    Jump and Power Creep 
    Go Hand-in-Hand
SIGN    The back-and-forth battle  of the Kabuki District
SIGN    reaches its closing stages!
SIGN    All kinds of people
SIGN    show up again!