342 - Try As You Might to Make a Natural Perm Go Away, It Will Always Return

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:05] Shin
    With the assassination of the 14th
    shogun, Tokugawa Shigeshige-sama,
SIGN    A New Shogun Is Appointed
[00:10] Shin
    we were swallowed whole
    by the winds of change.
[00:15] Shin
    The Shinsengumi disbanded,
[00:16] Shin
    and no matter how many sacrifices had
    to be made, the desire to protect Edo
[00:20] Shin
    set each of us on a search for our own path.
[00:24] Shin
    Following a fierce battle on
    Kagura-chan's home planet, Rakuyo,
[00:28] Shin
    the untold past
[00:30] Shin
    and the true goal of the immortal Naraku
    leader, Utsuro, were revealed to us.
[00:38] Shin
    He made the Altana reserves of seven
    planets go berserk, destroying them.
[00:42] Shin
    The Tendoshu's Altana Preservation Agency
    had monopolized the universe's Altana,
[00:47] Shin
    but Utsuro's actions meant that it was
    freed and essentially relinquished.
[00:53] Shin
    The planets that retook their Altana
    decided to end the Agency's rule,
[00:57] Shin
    and to that end, formed the
    Altana Liberation Army
[00:59] Shin
    and descended upon Earth,
    where the Tendoshu were.
[01:03] Shin
    Utsuro's goal was to use
    this interplanetary war
[01:07] Shin
    to turn Earth into space dust.
[01:11] Shin
    Our final battle is about to begin.
[01:19] Mad
    We can't give up.
[01:22] Mad
    Even if we find ourselves
    in the depths of despair
[01:26] Mad
    or within the darkest abyss,
[01:30] Mad
    as long as we keep our eyes open,
[01:33] Mad
    we can still find a ray of hope.
SIGN    Watch the Silver Soul Arc in a bright room
    and at a safe distance from your TV!!
[01:37] W
    He's been at it for about an hour now.
[01:40] W
    It's scary, Officer. Can you 
    do something about him?
[01:44] O
    Hey, what's the matter?
[01:47] O
    Did you drop something down there?
[01:49] O
    Hey, are you okay?
[01:52] O
    Are you stuck? You can't get out?
[01:59] O
    Hang on! We'll get you
    out of there right now!
[02:04] G
    He's totally stuck.
[02:06] O
    Yeah. One, two...
[02:09] Mad
    I won't give up!
[02:11] Mad
    I won't ever...
[02:16] O
    What's that light?
[02:20] Mad
    ...give up!
SIGN    Children's Bank
[02:42] Mad
    Go to hell, world!
[02:45] Oto
    It really will!
[02:47] Oto
    Why are you wallowing in such trivial
    despair when Edo is in peril?
[02:52] Oto
    Do you realize the situation we're in?
[02:55] Mad
    Who cares about Edo?
[02:57] Mad
    Peril or not, my life is on
    the brink of ruin anyway.
[03:03] Mad
    All this means is that you people have
    finally found yourselves in my shoes.
[03:07] Mad
    Welcome to my world.
[03:09] Cat
    You know, maybe this guy is
    the final villain in this anime.
[03:13] Oto
    Such is the strength of one
    who has nothing to lose.
[03:15] Oto
    We should all try to
    avoid ending up like him.
[03:19] Tam
    I'm back.
[03:21] Oto
    How was the town, Tama?
[03:27] (Flashback) Gen
    It's like we've gone back
    in time twenty years.
[03:30] (Flashback) Gen
    Back to the Amanto invasion.
[03:31] (Flashback) Gen
    Our country had lived in
    isolation for centuries,
[03:34] (Flashback) Gen
    but aliens suddenly swooped down on it.
[03:36] (Flashback) Gen
    People ran around in constant fear of them,
[03:39] (Flashback) Gen
    and in their place, the Amanto walked
    around like they owned the place.
[03:43] (Flashback) Gen
    Basically, that fear has
    reared its ugly head again.
[03:47] (Flashback) Tae
    It's like we're a colony.
[03:50] (Flashback) Kyu
    We actually are.
[03:51] (Flashback) Kyu
    Sure, there was no war, but this
    country's under their rule now.
[03:56] (Flashback) Kyu
    The Altana Liberation Army is an allied front
    against the Altana Preservation Agency.
[04:04] (Flashback) Kyu
    Their goal is to wipe out the Agency.
[04:07] (Flashback) Kyu
    They've already crushed the Agency's
    bases on several other planets
[04:11] (Flashback) Kyu
    and taken back the Altana
    that was under its control.
[04:14] (Flashback) Kyu
    And they've cornered the Tendoshu,
    who are in this country,
[04:18] (Flashback) Kyu
    and taken over most of the
    major government bureaus.
[04:21] (Flashback) Kyu
    But the Tendoshu went into hiding,
[04:25] (Flashback) Kyu
    and the shogun, who was supposed to sort
    out this mess, can't be reached, either.
[04:29] (Flashback) Kyu
    The bakufu has collapsed,
[04:32] (Flashback) Kyu
    meaning there's nothing left
    to defend the people anymore.
[04:38] (Flashback) Kyu
    Our country may have been done
    for long before all of this.
[04:45] (Flashback) Tsu
    So we were caught in the crossfire between
    the Tendoshu and the Liberation Army?
[04:51] (Flashback) Tsu
    If so, can we resolve this by bringing
    the Tendoshu's heads to them?
[04:56] (Flashback) Sac
    It's not just the Tendoshu.
[04:59] (Flashback) Sac
    Taking over this planet is
    part of their plan, too.
[05:03] (Flashback) Tsu
    Should we chase those rowdies out, then?
[05:06] (Flashback) Sac
    At this point,
[05:08] (Flashback) Sac
    what moron would turn the entire universe against them by fighting?
[05:11] (Flashback) Tsu
    You know who.
[05:14] (Flashback) Tsu
    Tama-san...
[05:15] (Flashback) All
    Where are they now?
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[05:24] Oto
    I wonder where those morons
    are and what they're up to.
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
SIGN    Snack Otose
[05:32] Mad
    We can't give up.
[05:38] A
    You dare insult us?!
[05:41] A
    We're fighting to liberate people all across
    the universe from the Tendoshu's rule.
[05:47] A
    Are you saying you're not willing
    to cooperate with our effort?
[05:49] G
    P-Please spare me!
[05:51] G
    I'm just an old man living
    each day as it comes!
[05:55] G
    My house is all empty now!
    There's nothing more I can offer you!
[06:00] A
    That so? We'll take that house, then.
[06:08] Mad
    Even if we find ourselves
    in the depths of despair...
[06:14] A
    You have some nerve to serve this
    awful booze to the Liberation Army.
[06:18] A
    Are you one of the Agency's minions?
[06:21] W
    N-No!
[06:23] A
    Then bring us the most
    expensive booze you've got!
[06:26] A
    Okay, you've had too much to drink.
[06:30] Mad
    ...or within the darkest abyss...
[06:35] A
    Huh? What are you doing?
[06:40] A
    I'd heard that this planet was home to proud
    warriors you can't find anywhere else,
[06:46] A
    but did you lose your pride along with your
    change while living under Tendoshu rule?
[06:53] A
    Well, go ahead and pick them up.
[07:00] A
    Even after the Tendoshu are gone,
[07:02] A
    you people will never get
    back what you've lost.
[07:10] Mad
    ...as long as we keep our eyes open,
[07:19] Mad
    we can still find a ray of hope.
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
SIGN    Job Request
[07:33] Mad
    To Odd Jobs,
[07:35] Mad
    I've gathered the wishes of Edo's citizens.
[07:45] Mad
    This job request entails just one task:
[07:51] Mad
    taking back the land of
    the samurai together.
[07:57] A
    Who the hell are you?
[08:02] Mad
    Immigration Bureau Chief,
[08:05] Mad
    Hasegawa Taizo!
SIGN    Job Request
[08:19] Oto
    Looks like a temple's offering box, huh?
[08:21] Oto
    After learning that there
    are no gods in our world,
[08:25] Oto
    I guess people turned to
    this place as a last resort.
[08:28] Oto
    Who knows what they prayed to
    those blights on society for?
[08:32] Oto
    All this money is going to be used for
    is to pay off the rent they owe me.
[08:38] Tae
    I'm sure these people don't mind.
[08:41] Tae
    Even if they're blights on society, and
    this money will only be used to pay rent,
SIGN    Job Request
[08:45] Tae
    it's okay if it brings Odd Jobs back here.
[08:48] Tae
    That's what everyone wants.
[08:53] Oto
    Is that so? How charitable of them.
[08:56] Oto
    If it were me, I'd wish for
    something more concrete.
[08:59] Tae
    Like what?
[09:01] Oto
    "I hope more rent money piles up here."
SIGN    Job Request
[09:05] Tae
    Isn't that great? Your wish
    has already come true.
[09:12] Oto
    Good grief.
[09:13] Oto
    Looks like I'll need not just rent money,
    but also money for repairs now.
[09:22] Mad
    I won't let you do as you please
    in this country anymore.
[09:25] A
    Immigration Bureau?
[09:28] A
    Forget that, this country's entire
    government is already dea—
[09:31] Mad
    It's not dead.
[09:35] Mad
    The country may have fallen,
[09:39] Mad
    but the samurai still live.
[09:44] Mad
    Those guys will come back.
[09:47] Mad
    So we have to defend this
    country until they do.
[09:52] Mad
    We can't waste time wallowing in despair.
[09:55] Mad
    Kid, we may not be aware of it,
[09:59] Mad
    but we all live atop a pit of despair.
[10:01] Mad
    Tomorrow, we could lose our
    job, have nothing to eat,
[10:05] Mad
    or poop our pants at temple school.
[10:08] Mad
    Even the slightest slip-ups like those
    can make despair bare its fangs at us.
[10:14] Mad
    I used to wonder why I was
    the only one suffering.
[10:17] Mad
    But maybe I needed to go through
    those times to stand here today.
[10:21] Mad
    Maybe I needed that in order to prop up
    Edo when all of it fell into despair.
[10:27] Mad
    To become the last watchman of despair.
[10:31] Mad
    But while despair can bare
    its fangs at any moment,
[10:34] Mad
    so too can hope.
[10:36] Mad
    In my eyes, this despair is
    just one of countless many.
[10:41] Mad
    It's so trivial that just finding a coin
    on the street will make it evaporate.
[10:48] Mad
    Come, let's go find a ray
    of hope within this despair.
[10:53] Mad
    Take me to your boss. As Immigration
    Bureau Chief, I need to talk to him.
[10:59] Kid
    Mister!
[11:01] Mad
    Kid...
[11:02] Mad
    No, people of Edo.
[11:05] Mad
    Even if you're surrounded by
    despair, keep your eyes open.
[11:08] Mad
    As long as you do,
[11:11] Mad
    you'll find hope lying around everywhere.
[11:15] Kid
    Uh, you're the one lying on the ground!
[11:19] A
    Okay, that should be enough.
[11:22] A
    What do we do with him?
[11:24] A
    Throw him in a cell or something.
[11:26] A
    Sir!
[11:31] Mad
    Um, didn't you hear me? I asked you to...
    ow, ow, ow... take me to your HQ...
[11:37] A
    And why should we do that?
[11:39] Mad
    I mean, I'm from the Immigration Bureau!
[11:42] A
    Where's your ID?
[11:43] Mad
    Well, we're closed right now,
    so I don't have it on me.
[11:45] A
    Okay, take him away.
[11:47] Mad
    Wait, wait, wait!
[11:49] Mad
    Look, that kid's staring at me.
[11:51] Mad
    He's watching the guy who was ranting
    about hope fall into despair in an instant!
[11:56] Mad
    Spare a thought for him, would
    you? Spare me, would you?
[11:59] Mad
    Take a hint, would you?!
[12:01] A
    Nobody asked you to save him.
[12:03] Mad
    I'll kowtow to you later!
    I'll lick your shoes or whatever!
[12:07] Mad
    Could you let me into your HQ,
    even if it's just the tip?
[12:10] A
    Uh, you're basically kowtowing already.
[12:12] Kid
    M-Mister!
[12:13] Mad
    Don't look at me like that!
[12:16] Mad
    Close your eyes and never open them again!
[12:19] A
    Weren't you telling him to
    keep his eyes open earlier?
[12:22] But
    This planet is as noisy as ever.
[12:24] Baka
    Maybe a chimpanzee broke out of the zoo.
[12:28] Baka
    The animals here might go
    down with the planet soon.
[12:33] Baka
    I want to pick up some of
    the rare species for myself.
[12:35] Baka
    Hey, you guys over there.
[12:38] Baka
    Let me take a look at that chimpanzee.
[12:50] Oto
    What's this about?
[12:52] Oto
    I'm sorry to say, but we don't get any
    customers as loaded as the Tendoshu.
[12:56] Oto
    Only stinky, flat-broke old men.
[12:59] Tama
    If we don't give them all the
    money, goods, and food we have,
[13:02] Tama
    they say they'll consider us the
    Tendoshu's minions and destroy the bar.
[13:05] Cat
    "Liberation Army," my ass!
    You guys are just thieves!
[13:08] Cat
    Otose-san's fortune belongs to me!
[13:11] Oto
    Uh, you're the thief here.
[13:12] A
    Securing supplies in a combat zone
    is established practice during war.
[13:16] A
    If you say you're not willing
    to cooperate with our effort,
[13:19] A
    we'll simply take everything by force.
[13:21] A
    This town seems to have a
    lot of hard-headed folk.
[13:25] A
    Might be easier to destroy it all.
[13:28] Tae
    You people—
[13:31] Oto
    Take whatever you want. But it'd be nice
    if you could leave my smokes alone.
[13:36] Tae
    Otose-san!
[13:37] Oto
    It's fine.
[13:39] Oto
    Even if it's empty, as long as
    you're in it, it's still their home.
[13:44] A
    Oh, really?
[13:53] A
    We never cared about this filthy bar, anyway.
SIGN    Gin-chan
[13:57] A
    But it'll make a good example to show
    others what happens if they defy us.
[14:01] A
    We don't need anything
    other than these girls.
[14:04] A
    They'll provide some nice R&R for our
    men who are worn out from this long war.
[14:10] Cat
    You bastards!
[14:12] Cat
    Are you saying I'm trash like this granny?!
[14:15] Oto
    That's your problem?!
[14:16] A
    Move your feet. We're leaving.
[14:21] Tae
    Odd Jobs...
[14:24] Tae
    Everyone's wishes...
[14:30] [SONG] Sign
    Job Request
[14:34] Gin
    We've got you covered.
[14:38] Gin
    Your request has been duly received.
[14:42] Shin
    What does it involve?
[14:43] Kag
    Doesn't matter what.
[14:45] Gin
    From walking your dog to keeping Earth safe,
[14:49] Gin
    we Odd Jobs will do anything.
SIGN    Try As You Might to Make a Natural Perm 
    Go Away, It Will Always Return
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Silver Soul
[16:30] Oto
    Boy, you sure kept us waiting.
[16:33] Oto
    I'd like to say "welcome home,"
[16:36] Oto
    but you took so long
[16:38] Oto
    that you no longer have a home.
[16:43] Gin
    Don't worry about it.
[16:44] Gin
    We'll take it all back,
[16:47] Gin
    so let us say it anyway.
[16:50] All
    We're back.
[16:56] Gin
    Hey, I dunno if you're heroes or villains,
[17:01] Gin
    but it looks like you did a number
    on this town while we were away.
[17:05] Gin
    Don't you know?
[17:07] Gin
    When entering somebody else's
    home in this country,
[17:09] Gin
    both good and evil people
    take off their shoes.
[17:13] Gin
    It's considered basic etiquette.
SIGN    Gin-chan
[17:17] Gin
    Get your filthy feet off of that sign.
[17:21] Gin
    Don't enter my country with your stinky feet!
[17:26] A
    Your country doesn't exist anymore!
[17:36] Gin
    What's wrong, O Great Liberation Army?
[17:38] Gin
    You can destroy the terminal,
[17:40] Gin
    but you can't break the
    terminal in my crotch?
[17:43] Gin
    You won't take Earth like this!
[17:45] Gin
    Do you have it in you to break them all?
[17:49] Gin
    Everyone in this country, from
    cabaret girls to robotic ones,
[17:52] Gin
    has a big terminal in their pants!
[17:56] Bo
    Like hell we do!
[17:57] Gin
    D-Due to an unexpected breakdown,
[18:00] Gin
    this terminal will be suspending
    operations for the day.
[18:04] Shin
    Serves you right.
[18:05] Kag
    Quit dawdling about!
[18:07] Kag
    Abandon the damaged facilities!
    Evacuate at once!
[18:10] Shin
    It broke! A problem child's
    terminal snapped it in half!
[18:13] A
    Don't let them escape!
[18:14] A
    Shoot them dead!
[18:18] Gen
    You shitheads are finally back!
SIGN    Gen
[18:22] Gen
    I've tuned up all the robots.
[18:25] Gen
    A planetary war or a One Year War,
    I'm fighting with you, Ginnoji.
[18:29] Gin
    Your Ginnoji's b*lls got stuck in the tracks.
SIGN    Ginnoji
[18:32] Gin
    He's just Ginnji now.
SIGN    Ginnji
[18:34] Gen
    What, you're already out of gas?
[18:37] Gen
    Do you know how long I've
    waited for this moment?
[18:43] Gen
    The party's only just getting started!
[18:46] Oto
    Sheesh. This is why men are so hopeless.
[18:50] Oto
    You've got a look of pure joy on
    your face at a time like this.
[18:54] Oto
    It's like the person you waited
    for forever has returned.
[19:00] Gen
    Shut it, hag. My son doesn't have a perm.
[19:03] Oto
    I never said anything about your son.
[19:05] Gen
    And you're one to talk.
[19:07] Gen
    Your house just got leveled,
    but that look on your face...
[19:10] Oto
    Just so you know, my husband
    doesn't look that stupid.
[19:15] Gen
    Right.
[19:16] Gen
    But if my son and your husband
    were still living in this town,
[19:22] Gen
    they'd probably have the same
    look on their faces as us.
[19:37] Gen
    Really, this is how the
    Kabuki District's gotta be!
[19:43] A
    What do you knaves think you're doing?!
[19:46] A
    Do you realize who we are?
[19:49] A
    We're the Liberation Army, here to
    save you from the Tendoshu's clutches!
[19:55] Sai
    Liberation? Mind your own business.
[19:58] Sai
    We don't need your help.
[20:01] Sai
    As you can see...
[20:02] Ago
    ...we've always lived freely!
[20:05] A
    Wh-What are those monsters?
[20:07] 73
    You can say some good things
    once in a while, Saigo!
[20:12] 73
    Exactly!
[20:14] 73
    We're free people of this town of freedom!
[20:16] 73
    Be it shakin' off the Tendoshu's rule,
[20:19] 73
    brushin' aside the shady helping
    hand of the Liberation Army,
[20:23] 73
    or goin' to the hospital, we're
    free to do whatever we want!
[20:26] G
    Bro!
[20:27] G
    That's what you get for trying to compete
    with Saigo and jumping from that high!
[20:30] Shin
    Saigo-san! Katsuo-san!
[20:33] Sai
    You've really sent the sparks flying, Pako.
[20:36] Sai
    But I've been waiting for this.
[20:38] Sai
    The Kabuki District really isn't
    complete without morons like you guys.
[20:42] 73
    You're puttin' us yakuza to
    shame with this reckless fight.
[20:45] 73
    Boss left this town in our hands,
    but we're losin' all face here!
[20:48] Sai
    You're picking a big fight
    with the entire universe.
[20:51] 73
    Got any chance of winnin'?
[20:53] Gin
    Hell no.
[20:55] Gin
    Even if we all fight together,
    there's no way we can win.
[21:00] Gin
    That's why we're gonna stop this war.
[21:02] Gin
    Sure, we'll still have to win a fight anyway,
[21:07] Gin
    but only a verbal one.
[21:12] G
    The samurai are revolting?
[21:14] G
    Are they out of their minds?
[21:16] G
    Do those apes really think they
    can beat the allied forces?
[21:19] G
    They must have gotten fed up
    with the army's pillaging.
[21:22] G
    I suppose we gave the
    soldiers too much leeway.
[21:25] G
    But this is perfect.
[21:27] G
    We planned on taking over Earth
    after destroying the Agency anyway.
[21:31] G
    And now we have just cause to
    get rid of those annoying apes.
[21:34] G
    Pardon me.
[21:35] G
    What is it? We're in the
    middle of a meeting here.
[21:37] G
    An Earth government has sent an envoy.
[21:40] G
    Government? They still had one of those?
[21:44] G
    Are they here to apologize?
[21:45] G
    W-Well...
[21:47] Sak
    Yikes. That's one hell of a way
    ta welcome unarmed guests.
[21:52] Kat
    Indeed.
[21:53] Kat
    You're betraying your leader's
    lack of magnanimity.
[21:57] Kat
    Lower your weapons! This is an affront!
[21:59] Sak
    Who do you think this man is?
[22:02] Kat
    This is Lord Tokugawa Nobunobu,
    shogun of a nation!
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Preview
[23:42] Sak
    Even if Earth is in peril,
    a trader's gotta do business.
[23:46] Nbnb
    As representative of Earth's people, there
    is something I must discuss with you.
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
SIGN    Flavoring Is Best in Small Quantities
[23:53] SignR
    The shogun, Tokugawa Nobunobu, was supposed to be a bitter enemy.
[23:53] SignL
    What lies behind his tense expression...
[23:58] SignR
    Schemes run rampant both on the surface and in space.
[23:58] SignL
    Even a new character appears.