256 - Gintama Classic - Whenever I Hear Leviathan, I Think of Sazae-san. Stupid Me!!

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    The Meaning of a Main Character
[00:04] Tojo
    Lady?
[00:05] A
    Boss?
[00:06] B
    Sarutobi-dono?
[00:08] Kin
    You're siding with him?
[00:11] Kin
    You're going to betray
    your friends, betray me,
[00:14] Kin
    for a man who attacked your friends?
[00:21] Gin
    What do you think you're doing?
[00:23] Gin
    If you do this...
SIGN    Field Trip Groups
SIGN    Boys
SIGN    Sakata
[00:26] Sa
    Stop it, boys!
[00:28] Sa
    Let Sakata-kun join in!
[00:30] Kyu
    Are you okay, Sakata-kun?
[00:32] Sa
    Teacher, can we let
    Sakata-kun join our group?
[00:36] Gin
    ...I'll feel like that pathetic
    left-out boy who
[00:39] ---
    ends up in a group of girls
    out of sympathy!
[00:43] Kyu
    Kintoki, we trusted you.
[00:46] Kyu
    That's why we're here.
[00:48] Tsu
    So trust us.
[00:50] Tsu
    This man isn't what you think he is.
[00:53] Sa
    The Kin-san I know would back off.
[00:58] All
    If you consider us friends...
[01:04] Kin
    I see.
[01:05] Kin
    I suppose you're representing
    the Yagyu and Hyakka.
[01:11] Kin
    Get out of this town
[01:14] Kin
    with Gintoki.
[01:16] Tojo
    Kintoki-dono?!
[01:17] Kin
    If you're taking that man's side,
[01:20] Kin
    you're an enemy of this town,
[01:21] ---
    an enemy of the Kabuki district!
[01:25] Kyu
    I see.
[01:26] Kyu
    Is that your answer?
[01:39] Zura
    In that case...
[01:39] Both
    We also have our answer.
[01:43] Kin
    What do you think you're doing?
[01:46] Kin
    Women are quick to betray you,
[01:48] Kin
    but men are supposed to have honor.
[01:52] Kin
    Aren't we frien—
[01:53] Zura
    We're friends.
[01:54] Mada
    No doubt about it.
[01:56] Zura
    Kintoki, I once made a
    promise with a friend.
[02:00] Zura
    Never change.
[02:03] Gin
    If you ever change, I'll 
    be there to cut you down.
[02:07] Mada
    Kin-san, a buddy of mine
    used to smack me around.
[02:11] Gin
    Fool! Don't blame everything 
    on your sunglasses!
[02:15] Mada
    That's who we are.
[02:17] Zura
    When we believe you're
    taking the right path,
[02:21] ---
    we stick with you,
    no matter how hard it is.
[02:24] Mada
    But if you're taking the wrong path,
[02:27] ---
    we'll stop you, even if it turns
    the whole world against us.
[02:32] Zura
    That friend is...
[02:33] Mada
    That man is...
[02:35] Kyu
    That idiot is...
[02:36] Tsu
    That lazy ass is...
[02:38] Sa
    That sadist is...
[02:43] All
    Our friend, Sakata Gintoki.
[02:49] Tojo
    Huh?
[02:50] Tojo
    I-I kind of went with the flow,
    but I can't remember a thing.
[02:53] Gin
    Y-You guys are...
SIGN    Middle School Class Reunion
[02:58] Zura
    Yo, it's been forever.
    You been doing okay?
[03:01] Mada
    You still look like a
    loser. Have a drink.
[03:04] Gin
    ...acting all friendly and mature
    at our class reunion as though
[03:08] ---
    you never shunned me
    when we were kids.
[03:11] ---
    Screw you!
[03:19] Gin
    Bastard!
[03:20] Kin
    Impressive, brother.
[03:22] Kin
    So this is the power of
    a bond forged through
[03:25] ---
    60 volumes of DVDs?
[03:27] Kin
    But it's no use.
[03:29] Kin
    You can try to win them back,
[03:31] Kin
    but I can undo your work
    with a wave of my hand.
[03:34] Kin
    Want to know why?
[03:36] Kin
    It's because the main
    character in this anime...
[03:39] All
    ...is Kin-san.
[03:43] Kin
    You thought I couldn't
    brainwash people anymore.
[03:46] Kin
    Tama threw away her life for nothing.
[03:49] Kin
    Come on, let's protect our town.
[03:53] Kin
    This sideshow continues to defy
[03:56] ---
    the main character and his friends.
[03:59] Kin
    Send him packing!
[04:06] Zura
    Go ahead and try!
[04:09] Zura
    But we hold inside us
[04:12] Zura
    ironclad memories of the
    battles we fought together!
[04:16] Zura
    A silver sword lies inside our souls!
[04:20] Gin
    If you think you can
    break those swords,
[04:24] Gin
    break them!
[04:26] Gin
    My hypnotism isn't working!
[04:30] Kin
    Crush them! Beat them down!
[04:32] Zura
    Go!
[04:33] Tsu
    Gintoki!
[04:36] Gin
    Yeah, I'll let you watch my back!
[04:40] Gin
    While...
[04:41] Both
    I handle being the main character!
[05:06] Kin
    I'll obliterate you.
[05:07] Kin
    Erase your memories, your
    friends, your very being...
[05:13] Gin
    You're the one who's
    getting obliterated.
[05:15] Gin
    Let's see if your memory
    bank is fried first,
[05:19] Gin
    or if my soul burns out first.
[05:23] Gin
    Let's finish this.
[05:26] Kin
    Whether gold or silver wins
    this battle for existence,
[05:29] ---
    you will be the one who disappears.
[05:32] Kin
    I installed a special program
    in myself that will activate
[05:36] ---
    when certain conditions are met.
[05:38] Kin
    This program will cause
    a hypnotic explosion
[05:40] ---
    that will blanket the
    entire Kabuki district
[05:43] Kin
    and reset everyone's memory.
[05:47] Kin
    There are two conditions.
[05:49] Kin
    The first is when my core is broken.
[05:52] Kin
    The second
[05:54] Kin
    is about to happen.
[05:58] Otae
    Shin-chan! Kagura-chan!
[06:00] Otae
    What are you doing here?!
[06:02] Otae
    Come on! Pull yourself together!
[06:05] Shin
    Sis...
[06:07] Shin
    We remembered everything.
[06:11] Shin
    Who Sakata Kintoki really is,
[06:14] Shin
    who Sakata Gintoki really is...
[06:18] Shin
    The person who altered our
    memories just restored them.
[06:22] Shin
    After that, we lost consciousness.
[06:25] Kag
    Boss lady, we did terrible
    things to Gin-chan.
[06:30] Kag
    How do we say we're sorry?
[06:33] Kag
    How can we make up?
[06:38] Otae
    Stand up, you two.
[06:41] Otae
    Let's go back to our leader.
[06:45] Kin
    The second is when the four people
[06:48] ---
    who started this all appear before me.
[06:55] Kin
    Understand?
[06:58] Kin
    If you defeat me or
    recover your friends,
[07:03] Kin
    everything will end.
[07:05] Kin
    That was my true objective.
[07:08] Kin
    You thought I wanted to take
    over this lousy anime?
[07:11] Kin
    Sorry, but I'm not going
[07:12] ---
    to be satisfied with
    your sloppy seconds.
[07:15] Kin
    I take everything from you
[07:17] ---
    and become the worst
    enemy you've ever faced.
[07:21] Kin
    But still, you're able to recover
    your friends singlehandedly
[07:25] ---
    and work together to defeat me.
[07:28] Kin
    Yes, that is what I was hoping
    to see in this final battle.
[07:34] Kin
    I wanted to give this
    show its last episode
[07:37] Kin
    so I could return as the main character
[07:39] ---
    of a show that was neither
    Gintama nor Kintama.
[07:44] Kin
    Sakata Gintoki, this anime returned
[07:49] Kin
    as a tombstone to mark an end
    to your pathetic existence,
[07:54] ---
    to this joke of an anime.
[07:57] Kin
    Well done.
[07:59] Kin
    You and your friends have
[08:02] ---
    made the atmosphere perfect
    for a final episode.
[08:06] Kin
    Don't worry about me.
[08:08] Kin
    I've backed up my data
    and prepared a new body.
[08:12] Kin
    Rest easy.
[08:14] Kin
    The finale will be very soon.
[08:18] Gin
    That's it?
[08:20] Gin
    Is that all you have to say?
[08:26] Gin
    Sorry, you took so long that I
    missed half of what you said.
[08:32] Kin
    Y-You'll pay for ignoring my warning!
[08:35] Kin
    If you kill me...
[08:36] Gin
    You're finished, right?
[08:41] Kin
    B-Bastard...
[08:44] Kin
    You think you can end this yourself?
[08:47] Kin
    Without recovering
    everything you've lost?
[08:55] Gin
    Nothing's going to end.
[09:00] Gin
    Except for
[09:03] Gin
    you and me, brother.
[09:06] Kin
    Seppuku?!
[09:07] Kin
    You'll lose more than your memories!
[09:09] Kin
    You're going to cripple yourself!
[09:11] Gin
    That's just fine.
[09:12] Gin
    Everyone else forgot about me.
[09:15] Gin
    It's my turn to forget.
[09:17] Kin
    Fool!
[09:18] Kin
    Have you forgotten that I've
    made a copy of myself?!
[09:22] Gin
    I have my own copies.
[09:26] Gin
    They don't listen to a word I say,
[09:29] ---
    but they share the same soul.
[09:32] Gin
    Listen up, Kintoki.
[09:34] Gin
    The main character in Gintama
[09:37] Gin
    is every last idiot alive in this show!
[09:46] Kag
    Gin-chan!
[09:50] Gin
    Can I hold him back by myself?!
[09:57] Gin
    Sorry, everyone.
[09:59] Gin
    You finally remembered me,
[10:02] ---
    but I doubt we'll be 
    seeing each other again.
[10:04] Gin
    I was hoping to see your 
    stupid faces one last ti—
[10:11] Shin
    Sorry, Gin-san. We kept you waiting.
[10:14] Kag
    We won't let you go off
    by yourself, Gin-chan.
[10:17] Kag
    We'll always be together.
[10:20] Otae
    Don't worry.
[10:22] ---
    We won't forget you this time.
[10:24] Otae
    If you forget about me, I'll punch you.
[10:30] Gin
    Fools...
[10:32] Gin
    Now that you're here, this
    anime is really going to end!
[10:36] Gin
    And it just started again!
[10:38] Shin
    That's not true.
[10:40] Shin
    You'll be there.
[10:41] Shin
    We'll all be there
[10:43] Shin
    to save the day.
[10:50] Kag
    So it doesn't matter how
    many times we forget,
[10:53] ---
    how many times we're separated.
[10:55] Kag
    Isn't that right, Gin-chan?
[10:59] Gin
    Yeah...
[11:02] Gin
    I'll find you.
[11:06] Gin
    We'll see each other again.
[11:45] Toki
    A sword isn't meant to be
    sheathed in underwear.
[11:49] Toki
    It belongs in a scabbard.
[11:52] Toki
    I don't think I can be
    your scabbard anymore,
[11:56] Toki
    but I'm sure there's a girl out there
[11:59] ---
    who's worthy of being your scabbard,
[12:01] Toki
    so you must find her
    so you can be happy.
[12:04] Kin
    I don't wanna.
[12:05] Kin
    I want Tokiko-chan.
[12:08] Toki
    Geez, you're so stupid.
[12:12] Toki
    Will you make me a promise then?
[12:15] Toki
    If I'm reincarnated,
    I'll find you again.
[12:20] Toki
    So promise you'll also find me.
[12:24] Kin
    Uh-huh, I promise.
[12:27] Kin
    I'll find my precious scabbard.
SIGN    Mantama
SIGN    aren't cute at all.
SIGN    Sponsors
    
    
    Oedo Expendables
    Matsuo & Kiyo Drugstore
    
    
    °Not real sponsors. We made them up.
SIGN    Gold and silver
SIGN    The new show Mantama
SIGN    begins now.
SIGN    Sponsors
    
    
    
    
    Andromeda Sweets Shop
    
    
    °Not real sponsors. We made them up.
SIGN    Episode 1: A Man's Sword
[13:50] Kin
    Love Country.
SIGN    Be sure to watch Mantama in a well-lit room 
    and sit some distance from the TV!
[13:53] Kin
    There was a time, long ago, when our
[13:55] ---
    country was called by that name.
SIGN    20 Years Ago
[13:57] Kin
    Twenty years ago, a mysterious
    building appeared out of nowhere
[14:03] Kin
    and spread a mysterious virus
[14:06] Kin
    that caused every man's
    pride to rot and fall off.
[14:11] Kin
    Where men and women once talked of love,
[14:14] Kin
    we now had trannies and women bitching.
[14:17] Kin
    Where men and women once spoke of love...
[14:20] A
    Fantabulosa!
[14:21] Kin
    ...was all that remained.
[14:23] Kin
    However, there was one last samurai
    with a resistance to the virus,
[14:27] ---
    whose sword of steel remained strong.
[14:30] Kin
    Sakata Kintoki.
[14:32] Kin
    Yes, he was the last hope for mankind.
[14:36] Kin
    The man who had the right to
    claim every woman on the planet,
[14:40] Kin
    but instead continued to search
    for a single scabbard.
[14:42] Kin
    That man was me.
[14:44] A
    Good morning, Sakata-kun!
[14:45] A
    Let's go to school together!
[14:47] B
    I made an extra lunch today.
[14:49] B
    Would you like it?
[14:50] C
    Sakata-kun promised to
    have lunch with me!
[14:54] D
    What are you talking about?
    He promised me, too.
[14:56] Kin
    Sorry, but I don't remember making
[14:58] ---
    any promises to you girls.
[15:00] Kin
    My promise is to someone else.
[15:02] Kin
    A promise that was made
    long before you were born.
[15:06] B
    Huh? What does that mean?
[15:09] Kin
    How much time has passed
[15:11] ---
    since I started looking for you?
[15:14] Kin
    To keep my promise to you,
[15:16] ---
    I changed my sword, my body, into metal,
[15:19] Kin
    so I could remain a man, even 
    if I was no longer human.
[15:23] Kin
    Eventually, the human race will 
    die and I'll be left alone.
[15:28] Kin
    But my sword will never break.
[15:31] Kin
    Even if you're reincarnated 
    as a cockroach,
[15:33] Kin
    you will still be my precious partner.
[15:36] Toki
    Oh no!
[15:37] Toki
    I'm late on my first day
    at my new school!
SIGN    Wham!
[15:42] All
    Are you okay, Sakata-kun?
[15:44] Kin
    Ow...
[15:46] Toki
    Ouch.
[15:48] Toki
    Oops, I screwed up!
[15:53] Kin
    Could it be...
[15:53] Toki
    I'm sorry. Are you hurt?
[15:54] Kin
    Is it truly...
[15:56] Kin
    ...her reincarnation?
[15:59] Toki
    Um, excuse me.
[16:03] Toki
    That's my plastic bottle.
[16:06] Kin
    Sh-Shit!
[16:08] B
    A plastic bottle is stuck on
[16:10] ---
    the only sword left in the entire world!
[16:13] Gor
    What's all this fuss about?
[16:15] C
    Ms. Goriko!
[16:16] C
    It's terrible!
[16:18] C
    Look at Sakata-kun's crotch!
[16:20] Gor
    This is...
[16:21] Gor
    Don't touch it!
[16:22] Gor
    If the main character of
    this anime loses his crotch,
[16:25] ---
    his only unique feature,
[16:27] Gor
    Sakata-kun will no longer be
[16:28] ---
    qualified to be the main character!
[16:29] Kin
    Teach!
[16:30] ---
    Don't make it sound like my
    crotch is all there is to me!
[16:33] Gor
    For now, let's carefully carry
    him to the nurse's office.
[16:36] Gor
    Here we go!
[16:38] A
    Teach! Could you be any less careful?!
[16:41] B
    Look out! There's a
    ball coming your way!
[16:45] E
    Teach! Please go to
    the nurse's office!
[16:48] E
    Thanks, Teach!
[16:49] Kin
    Hold on!
[16:51] Kin
    You've got two balls and
    a bat in your mitt now!
[16:54] ---
    Okay, here I go!
[16:55] Kin
    Wait!
[16:56] Kin
    Those are my balls and bat!
[16:58] E
    Kick off!
[16:59] Kin
    Aren't you playing baseball?!
[17:02] Kin
    She hit the school!
[17:04] Kin
    My sword!
[17:06] F
    What's going on?
[17:08] F
    This came flying into the art room.
[17:11] Kin
    Is it okay?!
[17:12] F
    Yes, there was a broken
    screw in the bottle,
[17:16] ---
    so I repaired it.
[17:17] Kin
    Bon voyage!
[17:20] A
    Sakata-kun's crotch
    has gone bon voyage!
[17:25] Gor
    Okay, let's take attendance!
[17:28] Kin
    It's over...
[17:30] Kin
    I finally found someone who 
    appeared to be her reincarnation,
[17:34] Kin
    but my scabbard is a plastic bottle,
[17:36] Kin
    and my sword has set 
    sail for a new world.
[17:40] Kin
    I can no longer...
[17:44] Toki
    Excuse me!
[17:45] Gor
    Hey, what do you think you're doing?
[17:47] Gor
    You're late on your first day.
[17:48] Toki
    I-I'm sorry.
[17:54] Toki
    Nice to meet you.
[17:55] Toki
    I'm a new transfer student.
[17:58] Toki
    Sorry about being late.
[18:00] Toki
    I was looking for something.
[18:04] Toki
    It took forever,
[18:05] Toki
    but I was finally able to find it.
[18:10] Toki
    Find you...
[18:14] Toki
    Sorry it took so long.
[18:21] Kin
    Tokiko-chan!
[18:26] Toki
    You don't need to cry.
[18:28] Toki
    Didn't we promise
[18:32] Gin
    that we would meet again?
SIGN    Sakata Gintoki
[18:36] Gin
    Let's start over.
[18:38] Gin
    I'm the new transfer
    student, Sakata Gintoki.
[18:43] Gin
    Hey, what's with the look on your face?
[18:45] Gin
    Did you forget the promise we made?
[18:49] Shin
    Of course not.
[18:51] Shin
    It doesn't matter how
    many times we forget...
[18:53] Kag
    How many times we're separated.
[18:55] Otae
    We'll find you.
[18:59] All
    Right, Gin-san?
[19:02] Gin
    There you go, brother.
[19:05] Gin
    Sorry to ruin your main
    character gig, but Mantama
[19:09] Gin
    was created to be your tombstone.
[19:24] Tama
    Did you enjoy your brief
    experience as a main character?
[19:28] Tama
    Did you enjoy having
    everything important
[19:31] ---
    to you taken away?
[19:33] Tama
    That's what you were doing.
[19:36] Kin
    I see...
[19:37] ---
    So that world was a virtual
    one that you created.
[19:41] Gen
    When I was repairing you,
    I added a few safety measures.
[19:46] Kin
    That's why they still
    have their memories
[19:48] ---
    after being hit by the
    hypnotic explosion?
[19:51] Gen
    Heh, they didn't need my help.
[19:55] Gen
    Kintoki, the bond people share
[19:58] Gen
    goes deeper than the memory.
[20:04] Gin
    Tama, I've settled my score with him.
[20:08] Gin
    He's all yours now.
[20:10] Gin
    Boil him, fry him,
    do whatever you want.
[20:13] Shin
    Please wait, Tama-san!
[20:15] Kag
    Can you spare him?!
[20:18] Shin
    We were the ones who
    asked you to make him!
[20:21] Kag
    He was just trying to take
    Gin-chan's place as our leader!
[20:24] Kag
    He just went too far!
[20:27] Shin
    We'll join him in begging
    everyone for forgiveness!
[20:31] Shin
    Please!
[20:33] Tama
    Did you hear that?
[20:36] Kin
    You people are too soft.
[20:38] Kin
    Gintoki, this is the reality
    of what you've achieved.
[20:42] Kin
    See how your friends are too
    weak to finish off your enemy.
[20:46] Kin
    See how you were too powerless
    to do anything alone.
[20:51] Kin
    Your imperfect character was
[20:53] ---
    destined to fail, even
    without my intervention.
[20:56] Gin
    You're absolutely right.
[20:58] Gin
    I can't do anything alone.
[21:01] Gin
    Everyone here has their
    flaws and imperfections.
[21:04] Gin
    But that's what drives
    us to work together
[21:07] ---
    to make up for those flaws.
[21:10] Gin
    Together, we make the
    perfect main character.
[21:14] Gin
    If you don't believe me,
    you can come back.
[21:17] Gin
    We'll take you on again.
[21:19] Gin
    See ya, imperfect plastic model.
[21:22] Kin
    Wait! Did you say I was imperfect?!
[21:24] Kin
    Take that back!
[21:26] Tama
    No, you are certainly imperfect.
[21:31] Tama
    You were so focused on altering
    other people's memories,
[21:36] Tama
    you didn't realize that other
    people were altering your soul.
[21:41] Tama
    You should treasure the
    life your friends spared.
[21:50] Kin
    Gramps...
[21:52] Kin
    Can you polish me up?
[21:55] Gen
    No idea. I can start by
    making you shiny gold.
[22:00] Gen
    No, shiny gold won't do.
[22:03] Sa
    Gin-san!
SIGN    Gintama
[22:08] All
    Welcome back!
[22:11] Gen
    Let's try making you
SIGN    Gintama Episode 256
[22:14] ---
    shiny silver.
SIGN    We're Back