218 - The Claws of a Crab Can Snip Through a Friendship Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) SIGN    The Claws of a Crab Can Snip Through a Friendship [01:37] Shin     Whoa! Isn't this a crab, Gin-san?! [01:40] Shin     What's the occasion? [01:41] Gin     One of Gran's old friends [01:42] ---     gave her so many that she's sick of eating them, [01:45] Gin     so she's sharing the wealth. [01:47] Shin     Seriously?! [01:48] Shin     It's been forever since I've had crab! [01:51] Shin     Uh... [01:53] Shin     She only gave us one? [01:55] Gin     Yeah, she asked me how many I wanted, [01:57] ---     so I told her I wanted a boxful... [02:00] Kagura     Damn hag! [02:02] Kagura     Why is she giving us riddles like the Sphinx?! [02:05] Kagura     This isn't Ikkyu-san! [02:06] Kagura     I'm gonna "riddle me that!" [02:10] Gin     Calm down, kids. [02:11] Gin     Listen to me. [02:12] Gin     Do you know why a crab has so many legs? [02:15] Gin     So we can share them. [02:18] Gin     Since the beginning of time, humans have [02:21] ---     fought many foolish wars over crabs. [02:23] Gin     Such as the Battle of Sekigahara [02:24] ---     and the Battle of Okehazama. [02:26] Shin     Uh, that's news to me. [02:29] Gin     And so, the Holy Crab in Heaven... [02:31] Shin     What's a Holy Crab? [02:32] Shin     How did God turn into a crab? [02:34] Gin     Gave crabs more legs to end [02:36] ---     the tragic conflicts and allow us [02:39] ---     to eat crab together. [02:41] Gin     However, crabs could no longer [02:43] ---     move forwards or backwards. [02:46] Gin     Is it right to force the Holy Crab to live a sideways life? [02:49] Gin     Is it right to force him to purely go [02:51] ---     scissors without any missionary or doggy style? [02:53] Shin     This conversation has gotten very weird. [02:56] Gin     Let's do this peacefully. [02:58] Gin     I'm sick of all the fighting over food, [02:59] ---     like whenever we have a hot pot. [03:01] Shin     That's true. [03:02] Shin     Let's share this crab. [03:05] Gin     If we include the claws, this thing has ten legs. [03:07] Gin     There's plenty for everyone here. [03:10] Shin     But how do we split ten legs between three people? [03:12] Shin     One will be left over... [03:15] Shin     Huh? What's going on? [03:16] Kagura     A blackout? SIGN    Power outage at Odd Jobs [03:18] Gin     What the hell? [03:19] ---     We were getting to the good part. [03:20] Shin     I'll go check the circuit breaker. [03:24] Shin     Ow! [03:26] Gin     Come on, staff. [03:28] Gin     You're already out of steam after the Four Devas arc? [03:30] Gin     Stop slackin' off! [03:31] Shin     Wait, this was in the manga. [03:34] Shin     The author was overwhelmed [03:35] ---     with that one-shot collection business. [03:37] Gin     What? [03:38] ---     He wouldn't be doing one-shots [03:39] ---     if he kept slackin' on his main series, stupid! [03:40] Kagura     Yeah, stupid! [03:42] Kagura     Super Legend, my ass! [03:44] Kagura     A bunch of one-shots from big shots? [03:45] Gin     One of those guys clearly doesn't fit! [03:48] Gin     There's a gorilla in the mix! [03:49] Kagura     And he was unabashed about it! [03:51] Kagura     Don't get too cocky, dammit! [03:53] Shin     What are you guys talking about? [03:55] Shin     I just checked the circuit breaker and it's fine. [03:58] Shin     Power's back. [04:00] Shin     Okay, let's get started then... [04:03] Shin     Uh, excuse me... [04:05] Shin     The Holy Crab was injured during the blackout. [04:08] Gin     Maybe he bumped into the table? [04:10] Shin     Yeah, a leg is missing. [04:13] Kagura     It wasn't me! [04:15] Kagura     I'm not evil enough to steal food while the power's out! [04:18] Shin     It obviously wasn't me! [04:19] Shin     So it was one of you two! [04:20] Kagura     What was that?! [04:22] Kagura     You probably swiped the leg [04:23] Kagura     when you were pretending to go check the circuit breaker! [04:25] Kagura     You said ow! [04:26] Kagura     You probably cut yourself on the crab! [04:27] Shin     I hit my head on the screen! [04:29] Gin     Hey, cut it out! [04:31] Gin     It's not possible to eat one [04:32] ---     of those shelled monsters in the dark. [04:35] Gin     Now, we have a number that divides perfectly into three. [04:40] Gin     The Holy Crab must have been trying to stop us from fighting. [04:45] Gin     Okay, enough bickering. [04:47] Gin     Each of us gets three legs... [04:49] Shin     You only get two! [04:51] Kagura     Your mouth is bleeding because you didn't remove the shell! [04:54] Shin     How desperate were you?! [04:56] Gin     What are you guys talking about? [04:58] Gin     When we were trashing that Legends mess during the blackout, [05:01] ---     a gorilla appeared and smacked me hard. [05:04] Shin     Who would believe that story?! [05:05] Gin     The missing crab leg was also him, I'm guessing. [05:08] Gin     It's pretty bad. [05:09] Gin     He must be completely stressed out. [05:11] All     Ah! [05:12] Shin     Damn, another blackout. SIGN    Power outage at Odd Jobs [05:14] Shin     Gin-san, don't move an inch. [05:15] Shin     One more time and you're gonna get it. [05:17] Gin     Seriously, it wasn't me. [05:18] Gin     Cross my heart and hope to die. [05:19] Gin     Careful, guys. [05:20] Gin     We don't know when the gorilla will come back. [05:23] Shin     Kagura-chan?! [05:24] Kagura     Stop! [05:26] Gin     Hey! What's wrong, Kagura?! [05:30] Shin     Ka-Kagura-chan! [05:31] Kagura     My eye... My eye! [05:33] Gin     Hold on, Kagura! [05:35] Gin     It's okay. [05:36] Gin     You just have a cut on your eyelid. [05:38] Kagura     A gorilla... [05:40] ---     A weird gorilla showed up and took a crab leg... [05:43] Kagura     I tried to stop it... But... [05:45] Gin     Look, Shinpachi! [05:47] Gin     It took another crab leg! [05:50] Gin     This is all Legend Gorilla's fault! [05:52] Shin     No way! [05:54] Shin     Huh? [05:55] Shin     There's blood on the claw. [05:58] Shin     Didn't you just cut your eye [05:59] ---     on the claw when you tried [06:01] ---     to eat a crab leg in the dark? [06:02] Kagura     No! [06:04] Kagura     The gorilla! [06:05] Kagura     The gorilla grabbed the crab and stabbed me with it! [06:09] Shin     Uh, you're talking with your mouth full. [06:11] Kagura     No! [06:12] Kagura     I fought back and bit off the gorilla's crotch! [06:16] Gin     Damn gorilla... [06:17] ---     That should teach you a lesson. [06:19] Shin     Enough of this crap. [06:21] Shin     Stop blaming the gorilla for everything! [06:23] Shin     It's so obvious that you ate those crab legs! [06:26] Gin     No, we didn't. [06:27] Kagura     It was the gorilla. The gorilla ate them. [06:31] Shin     You refuse to own up, huh... [06:33] Shin     Fine, have it your way. [06:38] Shin     We'll use a candle to prevent any further cheating [06:40] ---     if the power goes out. [06:41] Gin     Oh, good idea. [06:42] Gin     Should have done this earlier. [06:45] Gin     Not that I ever cheated. [06:47] Kagura     I didn't cheat, [06:48] ---     but this should keep that gorilla away. [06:50] Gin     Since gorillas are afraid of fire. [06:52] Shin     Then I'll divide up the legs so we can eat. [06:55] Gin     Sure, go ahead. [06:57] Gin     Give me a claw. [06:58] Gin     I like the tougher meat. [07:00] Shin     Okay, that should put an end to their thievery. [07:04] Shin     If the power goes out, we'll still have light from the candle. [07:06] Shin     Most importantly, the crab is in my hands. [07:10] Kagura     Oh, the power went out again. [07:12] Kagura     Something's wrong today. [07:14] Gin     What's going on? [07:16] Gin     I'll go check the circuit breaker. [07:18] Kagura     I'll come with you. [07:20] Gin     I'm gonna borrow a candle. [07:25] Shin     Huh? What are they doing? [07:27] Shin     They're leaving me alone with the crab? [07:30] Shin     The crab is undefended! [07:32] Shin     Is this a trap?! [07:33] Shin     Or are they letting me have my way with it? [07:35] Shin     Yes, this is the perfect chance! [07:37] Shin     I should go for it! [07:38] Shin     They already swiped two legs! [07:41] Shin     I don't have time to waste! [07:45] Shin     Huh? [07:46] Shin     There aren't any legs left... [07:48] Gin     Huh? This candle won't light. [07:50] Gin     This one won't either. [07:51] Gin     Nor this one. [07:52] Kagura     Hey, Gin-chan. [07:53] Kagura     These aren't candles... [07:57] Kagura     They're crab legs. [07:58] Shin     What?! [07:59] Gin     Oh, you're right. [08:01] Shin     That was when I realized how foolish I was. [08:05] Shin     When I chose to focus on how to divide the legs among three people... [08:08] Shin     How to squirrel the extra leg away from them... [08:11] Shin     I was thinking too small. [08:13] Shin     I lost before I even sat down at the table. [08:17] Shin     They never had any intention of sharing a single crab leg. [08:21] Shin     My tiny claw could never pierce [08:24] ---     through their shamelessly thick shells. [08:29] Shin     I will never stand a chance [08:31] ---     until I bring out my own giant claws [08:33] Shin     for plundering the entire world of every last crab! [08:37] Gin     What's up with all the outages? [08:41] Kagura     Let's try to get this crab party started again. [08:44] Shin     No... [08:45] Shin     Only the body and claws are left. [08:48] Gin     What's done is done. [08:50] Gin     I wasn't expecting people [08:51] ---     to mistake crab legs for candles. [08:53] Shin     In what world would you find people who [08:55] ---     mistake crab legs for candles? [08:56] Kagura     It's Shinpachi's fault for leaving the crab legs next to the candles. [09:00] Shin     And you're trying to shift the blame to me [09:01] ---     instead of apologizing! [09:03] Gin     Well, it was an honest mistake. [09:05] Gin     Let's forgive him. [09:06] Kagura     You're so mature, Gin-chan! [09:08] Kagura     Hey, Shinpachi. [09:09] Kagura     Divide the crab into three equal portions. [09:12] Shin     How can you people have the gall to talk about equal?! [09:17] Shin     I want to hit them! [09:19] Shin     Punch them in the face! [09:20] Shin     But if I lose my cool now, they'll win! [09:24] Shin     They've been trying to goad me into snapping [09:26] ---     with their heavy-handed behavior. [09:29] Shin     Forget that shit! [09:31] Shin     You guys already ate eight crab legs! [09:32] Shin     Three equal portions, my foot! [09:34] Shin     The rest is mine! [09:36] Shin     That's what they want me to say. [09:37] Shin     But they'll have a response prepared. [09:41] Gin     Don't be stupid. [09:42] Gin     Two of the legs were eaten by that gorilla. [09:45] Gin     We each ate three of the remaining six. [09:47] Gin     By mistake, I mean... [09:49] Gin     Thanks to someone else's mistake... [09:50] Gin     Well, you can have the two claws with the tougher meat. [09:54] Gin     But we're sharing the body. [09:57] Shin     They'll use some kind of absurd logic to [09:59] ---     declare that two claws are equal to four legs. [10:02] Shin     That's why he said that line. [10:06] Gin     Give me a claw. [10:08] Gin     I like the tougher meat. [10:10] Shin     He was trying to inflate the value of the claws [10:13] Shin     as part of his strategy to fool me. [10:16] Shin     But it's all a lie! [10:17] Shin     The claw may look like it has more than a leg, [10:21] Shin     but in reality, it's the same amount of meat! [10:23] Shin     That guy was feigning interest in [10:26] ---     the claws so he could be rid of them! [10:37] Shin     He'll use the claws to distract [10:39] ---     me while he aims straight for the body! [10:41] Shin     I won't let that happen! [10:42] Shin     I'm going to fight back! [10:44] Shin     Fine then. [10:46] Shin     I'll let you guys have the claws. [10:50] Shin     Which means I'm stuck with the body. [10:53] Gin     C-Could it be... [10:55] Gin     He's using my statement about the claws [10:57] ---     against me, to lock me down?! [11:01] Gin     Despite all my taunting, [11:02] ---     he's stayed calm and seen right through my plan, [11:05] Gin     completely ignoring the claws [11:06] ---     and going straight for the body! [11:10] Gin     And he's pretending that he's doing us a favor [11:11] Gin     by taking the body so he can win over the kid. [11:14] Gin     A technique practiced by dads around the world! [11:18] Kagura     I don't like the body cause it's all squishy and gross. [11:22] Shin     Same here. [11:23] Shin     But if you like crab legs so much, I'll take the body. [11:26] Gin     Yes, the body of a crab is disgusting. [11:29] Gin     Women and children tend to avoid it. [11:31] Gin     But the dad knows [11:34] ---     that the body contains Princess Crab-Paste! [11:39] Gin     Shi-Shinpachi... [11:41] Gin     You already know the secret of [11:43] ---     Princess Crab-Paste at such a young age?! [11:46] Gin     Indeed, Princess Crab-Paste is the [11:48] ---     ugliest woman of the Sengoku period. [11:50] Gin     Yet you know that her repulsive face hides... [11:52] Gin     ...the finest lay of the Sengoku period! [11:58] Shin     Gin-san, you may have won some small skirmishes, [12:02] Shin     but you haven't won the war. [12:04] Shin     You must take the body... [12:06] Shin     Take Princess Crab-Paste... [12:08] Shin     if you wish to become a Crabqueror! [12:11] Shin     I will be the one who conquers the world! [12:17] Shin     Princess Crab-Paste! [12:19] Shin     Are you all right? [12:21] Shin     Don't worry! Everything will be okay! [12:24] Shin     The Shimura army will keep you safe! [12:27] Shin     The Sakata army approaches. [12:29] Shin     It is too dangerous here! [12:30] Shin     We must escape at once! [12:34] Shin     Th-That's... [12:36] Shin     That's impossible... [12:38] Shin     Pr-Princess Crab-Paste... [12:40] Gin     Princess Crab-Paste? [12:43] Gin     Who are you talking about? [12:48] Shin     I-Impossible! [12:50] Shin     It isn't just Princess Crab-Paste! [12:52] Shin     The body is... [12:54] Shin     ...completely empty! [12:55] Gin     Oh, sorry, Shinpachi. [12:57] Gin     I took the meat from the body and cooked it with rice. [13:00] Gin     Oh, I saved the crab paste. [13:05] Shin     C-Cooked it with rice?! [13:12] Gin     How unfortunate, General Shimura. [13:14] Gin     This castle belongs to the Sakata army now! [13:17] Gin     And Princess Crab-Paste has fallen into our hands! [13:20] Gin     This castle no longer holds any strategic value! [13:23] Shin     It can't be... [13:25] Shin     General Sakata... [13:27] Shin     You anticipated that I would anticipate your plan?! [13:31] Gin     Absolutely not. [13:32] Gin     But in war, [13:35] ---     the key is to become a coward with multiple back-up plans. [13:39] Shin     N-No... [13:41] Shin     He knew all along... [13:43] Shin     ...that my focus was on the body. [13:46] Shin     And to fool me, he restored the body after taking its contents, [13:51] Shin     and pretended to be Princess Crab-Paste. [13:53] Shin     Yes, while I was falling into his trap, [13:56] Shin     he was taking possession of the ultimate sword, Crabclaw! [14:01] Gin     Yeah. Sorry, Pachi-boy. [14:03] Gin     We even took the claws. [14:05] Gin     You ended up without a single bite of crab. [14:08] Shin     I misjudged him! [14:09] Gin     But it's not our fault. [14:11] Gin     You're the one who let us have them. [14:13] Shin     You have sunk your fangs into the crab shell, [14:16] ---     Gintoki the Viper! [14:18] Gin     Well, I'll help myself then. [14:25] Gin     The meat! [14:26] Gin     The meat of the Crabclaw is gone! [14:30] Kagura     The meat is right here. [14:33] Kagura     Ta-da! [14:34] Gin     Da-Daigoro! [14:38] Kagura     You're so weird, Gin-chan. [14:40] Kagura     Why do you like the claws so much? [14:42] Kagura     There's more meat in the leg below the claw. [14:46] Kagura     Silly Gin-chan. [14:47] Gin     I spent too much time talking about claws! [14:50] Gin     Technically, the term claw only [14:52] ---     refers to the pincer at the very end! [14:54] Gin     Still, I never expected her to divide up the claws like this! [14:59] Gin     I ignored you since I assumed you were just a child, [15:02] Gin     but you took advantage of my battle with General Shimura [15:05] Gin     to use my own words against me. [15:07] Gin     Daigoro, you are no ordinary Daigoro! [15:14] Gin     You were sent by Iga?! [15:19] Kagura     You aren't the only one [15:20] Kagura     who intends to take advantage [15:21] ---     of the chaos and conquer this world. [15:23] Kagura     A true tactician would lay low until [15:26] ---     he's already conquered the world in secret! [15:29] Kagura     Viper! [15:30] Kagura     I grant you an eternal slumber inside that empty shell! [15:37] Gin     Not yet... [15:39] Gin     I can still conquer the world... [15:44] Gin     I may have lost the claws, [15:47] Gin     but I used the treasures of the castle to create a new paradise! [15:54] Gin     Castle Crab-on-Rice belongs to me! [15:56] Gin     And Princess Crab-Paste is in my hands! [15:59] Gin     As long as I hold these, my ambition will never die! [16:02] A     Lord Viper! Look over there! [16:05] A     A castle is being constructed [16:08] ---     next to ours at an alarming pace! [16:11] Gin     Th-That's...?! [16:13] Gin     Castle Crab-Juice! [16:16] Gin     I-Impossible! [16:17] Gin     This man has gathered his surviving forces [16:20] ---     and begun to build a castle! [16:22] Shin     Gin-san! [16:23] Shin     There's more to a crab than its meat! [16:25] Shin     Even the shell has its flavor! [16:28] Gin     Curse you! [16:29] Gin     You plan to pit leftover juices against my crab-on-rice [16:32] ---     and reverse the situation?! [16:37] Shin     This is your last chance to seek a peaceful resolution, Viper! [16:40] Shin     Grant me the right to access Castle Crab-on-Rice [16:42] Shin     and meet with Princess Crab-Paste! [16:44] Gin     Preposterous! [16:45] Gin     How dare you seek to bargain [16:47] ---     on equal footing with me, the Crabqueror?! [16:50] Shin     Who said anything about equal footing?! [16:52] Shin     I, Shinpachi Shimura, [16:53] ---     demand seventy percent of Castle Crab-on-Rice! [16:57] Gin     S-Seventy percent?! [16:58] Gin     You overestimate what you hold! [17:01] Shin     You have dug your own grave, Viper! [17:04] Shin     Crab on rice may sound delicious, [17:08] Shin     but in reality, it barely tastes any different from plain rice! [17:12] Shin     Yes, alone, crab on rice holds no power! [17:16] Shin     Your castle serves as little more than decoration! [17:19] Shin     Crab on rice requires flavorful vegetables [17:21] ---     which have been cooked in crab juice! [17:23] Shin     You can no longer survive [17:25] ---     in the Sengoku period without me! [17:27] Gin     Don't be ridiculous! [17:29] Gin     You have underestimated the potency of my hand-salted rice! [17:32] Gin     Fire! [17:37] A     It's no use, Lord Viper! [17:39] A     There isn't enough flavor! [17:43] Shin     Fire! [17:46] A     Such firepower! [17:47] A     The crab juice is strong in him! [17:49] Gin     Wh-What did you say?! [17:51] Gin     This is like Gian vs. Nobita! [17:54] Gin     We're a perfect match!     The ultimate combination! [17:57] Gin     Best friends forever! [17:59] Shin     It's over, Viper! [18:01] Shin     Time to let me take over the world! [18:04] Gin     Silence! [18:05] Gin     I have my own Doraemon in Princess Crab-Paste! [18:11] Shin     Wh-What?! [18:13] Gin     This shaking... [18:15] Kagura     It'll taste better this way. [18:24] Gin     Tha- [18:25] Shin     That's... [18:27] Both     That's...! [18:30] Both     The castle in the sky! [18:32] Both     Crab-Congee-Laputa! [18:35] Gin     I-Impossible! [18:36] Gin     Castle Crab-on-Rice and Castle Crab-Juice [18:38] ---     were taken over and combined into one?! [18:42] Shin     She's stolen our cooking to create the ultimate recipe [18:45] Shin     and lay claim to the mantle of conqueror! [18:48] Both     You're...! [18:50] Gin     You're no ordinary assassin of Iga! [18:53] Kagura     Exactly. [18:55] Kagura     I'm neither Daigoro nor an assassin of Iga. [18:59] Kagura     My true name is Kagura Crab Congee Laputa. [19:03] Kagura     A descendant of the royal family [19:05] Kagura     which ruled over the ancient city of Crab-Congee-Laputa. [19:08] Kagura     I have been waiting for this moment, [19:10] Kagura     when you would unlock the path to Crab-Congee-Laputa, [19:14] Kagura     for I never could have [19:16] ---     cooked crab on rice or vegetables in crab juice on my own. [19:19] Kagura     Excellent work. [19:21] Kagura     I appreciate your efforts. [19:23] Kagura     In return, I shall give you [19:25] ---     a demonstration of the true power of crab! [19:40] Shin     O-One egg can cause this much damage?! [19:44] Gin     A little stirring and the smell has me drooling! [19:47] Both     Th-This is the true power of crab! [19:52] Paste     Please stop her... [19:54] Shin     Pr- [19:55] Shin     Princess Crab-Paste! [19:57] Paste     Stop fighting over crab! [20:00] Paste     Crabs were never meant to create conflict. [20:03] Paste     Crabs are meant to bring everyone [20:05] ---     together around the table for a pleasant meal. [20:07] Paste     Wasn't that your original intention? [20:13] Kagura     Magnificent! [20:13] Paste     It's not too late! [20:15] Kagura     The finest show on Earth! [20:15] Paste     The three of you can share this meal together. [20:18] Gin     It's too late. [20:20] Gin     Our souls are enraged by the long battle. [20:24] Shin     We can never bury this hatchet. [20:26] Paste     It will be fine. [20:27] Paste     I will help to mend fences. [20:30] Paste     The savory flavor of crab paste is gentle as the ocean. [20:34] Paste     I'm sure that it will soothe your souls [20:36] ---     and restore your kind nature. [20:39] Paste     Now, speak the words of unity and add me to the pot. [20:50] Both     Balse appetit. [21:02] Kagura     Forget it. [21:03] Kagura     You can have the rest. [21:12] Shin     Let's get this crab party restarted... [21:14] Shin     No, let's get this crab party started. [21:18] Gin     Sure, you have forty seconds to get ready. [21:35] Shin     It tastes too fishy. [21:37] Gin     Imitation crab is better. [21:42] Paste     Yes, that's right. SIGN    Crab-Flavored Sausage [21:47] Paste     Band together [21:52] Paste     to eat cheap food! SIGN    Next Episode People Forget to Return Stuff All the Time Without Even Realizing It [23:30] Kagura     Next time: [23:31] Kagura     People forget to return stuff all the time without even realizing it!