Season 4

E317 - The Monster and the Monster's Child

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:08] Gin
    Here we are.
[00:10] Gin
    It's the late night slot.
SIGN    Late
    Night
SIGN    Goodbye, Red-Haired Esper
SIGN    The Goddess of the Night
SIGN    "No Airing the Nitty-Gritties of Ketsuno Ana!"
    
    After predicting heavy rain once again for tonight,
    
    Ketsuno Ana does a surprise raid on Snack Bar Smile"
[00:15] Kag
    This place is kinda dusty.
[00:17] Gin
    Deal with it.
[00:19] Kag
    What's this?
[00:20] Gin
    Probably something the previous
    occupant left behind.
SIGN    To the Late Night Slot
[00:23] Gin
    Now, then...
[00:25] Gin
    Shinpachi.
[00:26] Shin
    Yes?
[00:27] Gin
    This is a late night slot.
[00:29] Gin
    We'll need to greet the
    viewers appropriately.
[00:30] Shin
    Right.
[00:32] Gin
    Hello to all you night owls
    watching the television.
[00:35] Gin
    The Gintama anime will now resume
    in its late night incarnation.
[00:38] Gin
    One, two...
[00:40] Gin
    Gilgamesh!
[00:41] Shin
    You just wanted to do that, didn't you?!
SIGN    Please watch this program in a bright room
    and at a safe distance from your TV!!!!!!
[00:49] (Flashback) Gin
    Ow...
[00:50] (Flashback) Gin
    Damn, not yet.
[00:52] (Flashback) Gin
    My sword ain't broken yet.
[00:56] (Flashback) Gin
    One more time,
[00:58] (Flashback) Gin
    Shoyo!
[01:06] (Flashback) Sho
    You nearly had me there, Gintoki.
[01:08] (Flashback) Gin
    Where, exactly?
[01:10] (Flashback) Sho
    There.
[01:11] (Flashback) Gin
    Could you be more specific?
[01:12] (Flashback) Sho
    Right around there.
[01:14] (Flashback) Gin
    How can I be as strong as you, Shoyo?
[01:18] (Flashback) Gin
    I'd never lost until I met you,
    not even to grown-ups.
[01:22] (Flashback) Gin
    But you're far less simple than a grown-up.
[01:26] (Flashback) Gin
    You're a giant.
[01:27] (Flashback) Sho
    You're wrong, Gintoki. I am...
[01:31] (Flashback) Sho
    a Hanshin fan.
[01:32] (Flashback) Gin
    Would you listen to me?
[01:34] (Flashback) Gin
    I'm saying I've never seen a monster like you.
[01:37] (Flashback) Gin
    What the hell were you up to before we met?
[01:41] (Flashback) Gin
    Who the hell are you?
[01:45] (Flashback) Sho
    You were called the "Corpse-Eating
    Devil," so you should understand.
[01:49] (Flashback) Sho
    There's no difference between a
    monster and the child of a monster.
[01:53] (Flashback) Sho
    They are both inhuman beings that are
    only born within a bloody pool of sin.
[01:58] (Flashback) Sho
    And a monster's sword cannot
    cut another monster.
[02:01] (Flashback) Sho
    So, Gintoki,
[02:03] (Flashback) Sho
    stop trying to grow stronger by imitating me.
[02:07] (Flashback) Sho
    I'm not going to teach you how to
    wield the sword like me, either.
[02:11] (Flashback) Sho
    You have to grow stronger
    than me using your own sword,
[02:14] (Flashback) Sho
    the sword of a human.
[02:18] (Flashback) Sho
    I expect great things from you.
[02:21] (Flashback) Sho
    Someday, hopefully...
[02:24] U
    You'll come cut down the monster that I am.
[02:32] U
    It's too bad.
[02:33] U
    Like I said, a monster's sword...
[02:37] U
    Your sword can't reach me.
[02:52] Gin
    Just a dream, huh?
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    The Battle on Rakuyo
[04:32] Kat
    Elizabeth! An enemy attack?
[04:33] Gin
    That's right.
[04:35] Gin
    A seriously lethal weapon
    was about to pierce my skull.
[04:38] Kat
    What?
[04:40] Kat
    The evil arm of the bakufu extends all the
    way to this underground town of Akiba?
[04:43] Kat
    But rest assured, Gintoki.
[04:44] Kat
    We will protect your life in hiding.
[04:48] Kat
    Don't let a single rat
    get close to the hideout!
[04:50] Kat
    Don't you dare let anyone
    find out Gintoki is here!
[04:54] Gin
    Even from space, you could
    tell this is a hideout!
[04:56] Gin
    Go look up the word "hiding"
    in the dictionary!
[04:58] Gin
    Like I need all your nasty b*lls
    lined up in that tiny-ass room!
[05:01] Gin
    I never asked you morons to be my bodyguards.
[05:04] Kat
    Even if you didn't, nobody would
    leave their group's ace to die.
[05:08] Gin
    I don't recall becoming any group's ace.
[05:10] Kat
    It's too late to play that card now, Gintoki.
[05:13] Kat
    You charged into Edo Castle,
[05:15] Kat
    got into a huge fight with the bakufu army,
    and threw Lord Sadasada out of power.
[05:18] Kat
    You insulted and harassed the former
    shogun, Shigeshige, many a time,
[05:22] Kat
    and even punched his successor,
    Nobunobu, injuring him gravely.
[05:25] Kat
    You took part in the Shinsengumi's mutiny
[05:27] Kat
    and helped them rescue their commander,
    Kondo Isao, from the bakufu.
[05:31] Kat
    Even among the Joi Rebels, nobody else
    has pulled off so many acts of terror!
[05:35] Kat
    You're a terrorist, and a far more radical
    one than Takasugi and me, at that!
[05:39] Kat
    There's no going back for you at this point.
[05:42] Kat
    You will never have a peaceful life again.
[05:45] Kat
    You won't even be able to hold your
    loved ones with your bloodstained hands!
[05:48] Kat
    The only thing left in those hands
    is a bloody, metallic revolution!
[05:52] Gin
    Uh, you practically sound like a bad guy.
[05:55] Gin
    I never committed any acts of terror.
[05:57] Gin
    I punched a guy who pissed me off, and he
    just happened to represent the country.
[06:01] Gin
    And, since it turned into a big deal,
[06:02] Gin
    I just tried to cut it
    into pieces and bury it.
[06:05] Gin
    Don't lump me in with you lot.
[06:06] G
    Forget terrorist, you're
    just a homicidal maniac!
[06:08] Kat
    Do you think you can go back to the
    Kabuki District once things calm down?
[06:12] Kat
    I hate to break it to you,
    but that's impossible.
[06:14] Gin
    Ack!
[06:15] Gin
    A wanted poster?!
SIGN    If this face triggers your memory, call
[06:16] Gin
    For real? They're circulating these?
[06:19] Gin
    And that photo just screams violence.
[06:21] Gin
    Who took this? And when?
[06:23] Gin
    Isn't this just some
    violent impostor in a wig?
[06:25] Kat
    I'm not an impostor. I'm Katsura.
[06:27] Gin
    It was you?!
[06:29] Kat
    The previous photo made
    you look way too evil,
[06:32] Kat
    so I took your guise, showed off your
    sweet tooth, and had a fancier one taken.
[06:35] Gin
    It's supposed to be me eating cake?
[06:36] Gin
    Just having the cake cut off
    made me look so violent?
[06:40] Kat
    And then I circulated the new one.
[06:42] Gin
    Recall it!
SIGN    If this face triggers your memory, call
[06:43] Kat
    Don't worry. I altered it.
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan Akiba Branch
[06:47] Shin
    We're Odd Jobs Gin-chan,
    and we've expanded into Akiba!
[06:51] Kag
    Need to collect Love Live! bonus items or
    sell off your Love Live! Sunshine!! goods?
[06:55] Kag
    You name it, we'll do it!
[06:57] Kag
    If this face triggers your memory, come see us!
[07:01] Gin
    Can I do this if I get triggered instead?
[07:04] Gin
    Reusing wanted posters as store flyers?
    Could you make this any more violent?!
[07:08] Shin
    Now is the time for positive
    thinking, Gin-san.
[07:11] Gin
    What you're doing is more
    like primitive thinking!
[07:13] Kag
    Even when we fall, we don't get back up
    for free. That's the Odd Jobs motto.
[07:16] Gin
    I'll give you money, so stay down!
    Never get back up again, please!
[07:19] Kag
    Don't worry.
[07:20] Kag
    Akiba folk are just walking corpses who
    ironically call themselves Love Livers.
[07:24] Kag
    Nobody cares about you.
[07:26] Gin
    You'd better knock it off, or you'll
    be wanted by Love Livers, too!
[07:30] Gin
    Don't look down on Love Livers!
[07:32] Gin
    Those guys are insane!
[07:33] Gin
    Not even love survivor ninja robots
    would be a match for them!
[07:35] G
    Oh, hello? Uh...
[07:37] G
    There's a guy here who looks a lot
    like someone on a wanted poster.
[07:42] G
    Uh, hello?
[07:46] G
    My phone!
[07:48] Gin
    Are you stupid?
[07:48] Nob
    Excuse me. I'm here because I saw the flyer.
[07:51] Nob
    Odd Jobs Gin-chan Akiba Branch...
[07:54] Nob
    Mind if I make a request?
[08:03] Nob
    Looks like you'll need to relocate again,
[08:06] Nob
    Odd Jobs.
[08:07] Gin
    Right back at you.
[08:09] Gin
    I would've thought you'd left Edo long ago.
[08:12] Gin
    What happened to the Mimawarigumi?
[08:13] Nob
    I don't have the ability or
    right to lead them anymore.
[08:18] Nob
    A lot of them wanted to repay Kondo Isao
    for saving them on the battlefield,
[08:21] Nob
    so they went with the Shinsengumi.
[08:24] Nob
    They'll be much better
    off with a man like him.
[08:29] Nob
    I've got my own job to do...
[08:32] Nob
    As Sasaki Isaburo's comrade,
[08:36] Nob
    and...
[08:38] Nob
    as one of Shoyo's pupils.
[08:43] Nob
    I can't let this country and
    that man do what they want.
[08:48] Gin
    I didn't know I had a junior here.
[08:51] Gin
    But you know a side of Yoshida
    Shoyo that we don't know...
[08:56] Gin
    You know Utsuro, don't you?
[08:58] Gin
    Tell us, what did Shoyo—
[09:01] Gin
    My.
[09:02] Mat
    Freeze!
[09:04] Mat
    You betrayed us, Imai Nobume?
[09:07] Mat
    Why is the White Yaksha here?
[09:11] Mat
    Y-You're...
[09:13] Mat
    One of Takasugi's Kiheitai,
[09:15] Mat
    Kijima *ko!
[09:16] Mat
    Why the hell did you bleep that out?!
[09:18] Mat
    That's misleading! Just say Matako!
[09:20] Gin
    No, we can't talk about that
    in a late night anime.
[09:23] Gin
    Let's keep the **** under wraps, okay—
[09:27] Nob
    Put your gun away, Dko.
[09:29] Mat
    What did you say?!
[09:30] Mat
    Did you just use a totally
    different four-letter word?!
[09:32] Mat
    You're the one who should
    put her weapon away.
[09:35] Mat
    The Mimawarigumi was
    supposed to be on our side.
[09:37] Mat
    Why are you with the White Yaksha's gang?
[09:39] Kat
    Oh, right.
[09:40] Kat
    Before Nobunobu sold you out,
[09:43] Kat
    you were working together as the
    Hitotsubashi Faction to take over the country.
[09:49] Nob
    It was Sasaki Isaburo, the individual,
    who formed an alliance with you.
[09:53] Nob
    The Mimawarigumi were only being used.
[09:57] Nob
    And Isaburo and the Mimawarigumi
    are both gone now.
[10:02] Hen
    So the rumors were true.
[10:05] Hen
    Good grief.
[10:07] Hen
    We came here as a last resort,
[10:10] Hen
    but it seems we don't have
    any allies anywhere anymore.
[10:14] Nob
    You may not have allies here,
    but you do have Shoyo's students
[10:18] Nob
    and the Odd Jobs Akiba Branch,
    which will do anything you want.
[10:22] Gin
    Don't tell me your request is...
[10:25] Nob
    Tell us.
[10:26] Nob
    What happened to...
[10:29] Nob
    the other student of Shoyo's?
[10:43] Hen
    Nobunobu and the Elders betrayed the
    Kiheitai and cut us out of the Harusame,
[10:49] Hen
    making us nothing but a tiny,
    isolated army wandering in space.
[10:52] Hen
    But even in that crisis, Kamui-dono's
    7th Division went on the attack
[10:58] Hen
    and successfully captured one of the
    syndicate's bases, the Southern Paradise.
[11:05] Hen
    However, it turned out to be
    a trap laid by the Harusame.
[11:12] Hen
    We and Kamui-dono barely managed to escape,
[11:17] Hen
    but half our fleet was
    reduced to space debris.
[11:25] (Flashback) Abu
    Are they trying to hunt
    every single rabbit down?
[11:29] (Flashback) Abu
    We're an endangered species, you know.
[11:32] (Flashback) Abu
    They could stand to be a little nicer to us.
[11:36] (Flashback) Kam
    Nah, they know their stuff.
[11:38] (Flashback) Kam
    Abuto, rabbits can die of loneliness.
[11:42] (Flashback) Kam
    But the enemy has prepared
    a fun playground for us.
[11:45] (Flashback) Kam
    We need to show our gratitude.
[11:49] (Flashback) G
    Wh-What the?
[11:54] (Flashback) Kam
    Charge in!
[11:59] (Flashback) Hen
    Abuto-dono!
[12:00] (Flashback) Hen
    Why would you charge into the flagship by
    yourselves? Are you out of your minds?!
[12:03] (Flashback) Abu
    You're barking up the wrong tree!
[12:06] (Flashback) Abu
    He said he felt like getting up close
    and personal with the enemy general.
[12:09] (Flashback) Abu
    Grab Takasugi and scram while
    we're distracting the enemy.
[12:14] (Flashback) Abu
    If we live to meet again, give
    this moron a piece of your mind.
[12:18] (Flashback) Hen
    What are you saying, Abuto-dono?
[12:20] (Flashback) Abu
    I've got a bad feeling about this.
[12:22] (Flashback) Abu
    The Harusame never fought like this before.
[12:26] (Flashback) Abu
    Someone who's familiar with the Yato's
    killing style has joined them.
[12:35] (Flashback) Abu
    I knew it.
[12:36] (Flashback) Abu
    Who the hell have they teamed up with?
[12:40] (Flashback) Kam
    Just think about who could
    pull this crap against Yato.
[12:43] (Flashback) Kam
    Only two people in this entire universe...
[12:51] (Flashback) Kam
    Stupid me, and my stupid father.
[12:56] Shin
    Umibozu-san?
[12:58] Shin
    Wh-Why?
[12:59] Hen
    That's what we'd like to know, but...
[13:02] Hen
    What we do know is that
    he and the Harusame
[13:04] Hen
    banished the Kiheitai and the
    7th Division into the darkness of space.
[13:10] Hen
    Kamui-dono has gone missing,
[13:13] Hen
    and so has Shinsuke-dono.
[13:32] (Flashback) Ban
    Takechi has readied an escape vessel.
[13:35] (Flashback) Ban
    Run, Matako.
[13:37] (Flashback) Ban
    I promise to bring Shinsuke with me.
[13:41] (Flashback) Ban
    So...
[13:42] (Flashback) Ban
    Live on.
[13:45] (Flashback) Ban
    Don't let the Kiheitai end this way.
[13:56] Mat
    Shinsuke-sama is still alive.
[13:58] Mat
    The Kiheitai aren't finished yet.
[14:01] Mat
    I bet they're waiting for our help right now.
[14:05] Mat
    So... So...
[14:08] Gin
    That so?
[14:09] Gin
    Guess I should go finish him off for good.
[14:12] Shin
    Gin-san!
[14:13] Gin
    Sorry, Nobume-san, but that's
    the most I can do for them.
[14:17] Gin
    Or do you want me to avenge those morons?
[14:22] Nob
    Unless the Harusame are taken out,
    this country will never change.
[14:25] Nob
    The Harusame Space Pirates
    have links to the Tendoshu
[14:28] Nob
    and have amassed great power.
[14:31] Nob
    If Naraku is one of Utsuro's wings,
[14:33] Nob
    then the Harusame is the other.
[14:37] Nob
    Tear it off, and you'll bring the crows that
    look down on mankind crashing down.
[14:43] Nob
    And only you, Shoyo's pupils,
    have the power to do that.
[15:01] E
    It has been a while, Utsuro-dono.
[15:04] E
    Thank you for traveling all the way
    to the end of the universe to see us.
[15:08] E
    Though we didn't exactly invite you.
[15:11] U
    Rest assured.
[15:12] U
    I may be one of the Tendoshu,
[15:14] U
    but unlike those senior citizens, I don't
    like sitting too long in one place.
[15:20] E
    Ah, you're telling us senile geezers
    to shut up and sit our butts down?
[15:24] U
    Senile geezers wouldn't be able to
    sink an entire fleet from their seats.
[15:28] U
    Thanks to your efforts in keeping a
    part of the rebels occupied in space,
[15:33] U
    we managed to take on the enemies on Earth.
[15:38] U
    We're truly grateful.
[15:40] E
    All we did was deal with our enemies.
[15:43] E
    We don't need your gratitude.
[15:45] E
    Indeed. We should stick to the
    agreement we've had until now
[15:49] E
    and help each other only
    when our interests align.
[15:54] U
    "So don't get any closer"?
[15:58] U
    Dear me. Everyone in the
    universe hates the Tendoshu.
[16:01] U
    Even the Elders of the cosmos' biggest
    crime syndicate are wary of us?
[16:07] U
    Do you think a youngster like me
    could be plotting something?
[16:10] E
    I wonder which of us is
    really the youngster here.
[16:13] E
    In your eyes, even we geezers must look
    like nothing more than greenhorns,
[16:20] E
    Utsuro-dono.
[16:23] Nob
    You people need to know
[16:26] Nob
    just what the Tendoshu
    controlling this country are,
[16:29] Nob
    and just who Utsuro is.
[16:33] Nob
    They're all beings born from Altana.
[16:37] Nob
    Altana being the new energy
    resource the Amanto discovered.
[16:41] Nob
    Some in this country call them ley lines.
[16:45] Shin
    I've heard about that.
[16:47] Shin
    I think Ane and Mone mentioned
[16:49] Shin
    that the terminal the Amanto
    built is powered by that.
[16:54] Nob
    Right.
[16:55] Nob
    The invention of a method to
    convert Altana into usable energy
[16:59] Nob
    led to rapid development across the universe.
[17:03] Nob
    Interstellar travel became easy,
[17:05] Nob
    as did the development of weapons
    capable of destroying planets.
[17:10] Nob
    And those in possession of Altana
    gained massive influence.
[17:17] Nob
    After many a war,
[17:19] Nob
    states signed a non-aggression pact that
    rendered Altana reserves off-limits
[17:24] Nob
    and formed a centralized organization
    to monitor Altana gates, or "holes."
[17:29] Nob
    That is the Altana Preservation Agency,
[17:33] Nob
    later known as the Tendoshu.
[17:35] Gin
    So, basically, the people who were
    meant to monitor the resource
[17:38] Gin
    used its power for their own benefit?
[17:40] Kat
    The holes in each planet were closed
    off, and only they had access to it.
[17:45] Kat
    That's how they took control of
    countless planets and consumed them...
[17:49] Kat
    Like parasites.
[17:51] Nob
    Part of the reason they're
    obsessed with Earth
[17:54] Nob
    is its massive Altana reserves,
    which were previously untouched.
[17:58] Nob
    But what they're probably most interested
    in is a certain phenomenon...
[18:04] Nob
    An unexplained effect, which had been
    documented as a miracle in the past,
[18:08] Nob
    that somehow influences
    the very principles of life.
[18:13] Nob
    On this planet, it happened
    to take the form of a man.
[18:17] Nob
    Utsuro,
[18:19] Nob
    the founder's name passed down through
    generations of Tenshoin Naraku.
[18:23] Nob
    Each head of the Naraku is said
    to have inherited that name and
[18:26] Nob
    worked behind the scenes for
    the authority of their time.
[18:29] Nob
    But that wasn't the truth.
[18:31] Nob
    It came to light during the Tokugawa's reign,
    when Naraku served the Tendoshu.
[18:38] Nob
    The Utsuro at the time
    mysteriously went missing.
[18:41] Nob
    Since Naraku made traitors pay
    for their sins with death,
[18:44] Nob
    they looked all over for him.
[18:53] Nob
    Utsuro had changed his name,
    concealed his background,
[18:57] Nob
    and was teaching kids.
[19:00] Nob
    It's said that the look in his eyes
    made him seem like a different person.
[19:04] Nob
    Later on, his students
    caused a major uprising,
[19:08] Nob
    but they were defeated,
[19:11] Nob
    and Utsuro was executed.
[19:17] Nob
    That's when something unexpected happened.
[19:42] Nob
    That's the truth behind Utsuro.
[19:49] Nob
    Over its 500-year history, the
    Tenshoin Naraku had thirteen heads.
[19:55] Nob
    But they were all the same man...
[20:00] Nob
    A man who became incapable of
    dying due to the power of Altana.
[20:05] Nob
    "Yoshida Shoyo" was but a fleeting
    smile that Utsuro let slip.
[20:12] U
    Surely you jest.
[20:14] U
    The Tendoshu, a bunch of immortals?
[20:17] U
    Where did you hear a
    baseless rumor like that?
[20:19] E
    Where, indeed?
[20:21] E
    But I hear you used to be an
    agency that researched Altana.
[20:26] E
    It would make sense if that research led you
[20:30] E
    to the entire universe's
    greatest wish, immortality.
[20:33] E
    That's how looking at your
    unfathomable smile makes us feel.
[20:39] U
    The entire universe's
    greatest wish? Is it really?
[20:44] U
    Can an endless life really be called "life"?
[20:47] U
    If living can be defined as not being dead,
[20:50] U
    can life really exist in the absence
    of the very concept of death?
[20:55] U
    I would call that a void.
[20:57] U
    A hollow, "Utsuro," if you will,
    devoid of life and death.
[21:01] U
    When people suffer for long,
    they seek an end to it all.
[21:06] U
    But even in times of happiness,
    when they find out that it's everlasting,
[21:11] U
    they seek an end to it all.
[21:13] U
    And I have met my end and taken
    birth over and over again.
[21:17] U
    But no matter how many times I started
    over, I was still "Utsuro," a void.
[21:21] U
    That's why the me of now was born...
[21:24] U
    To kill all of myself and
    put an end to all of Utsuro.
[21:31] E
    The 12th Division of the Harusame?!
[21:34] E
    I see.
[21:35] E
    You've already...
[21:37] U
    Respected Elders,
[21:39] U
    I'm here today to sign a
    new agreement with you.
[21:43] U
    Under its terms, you will first transfer
    all control over the Harusame to me.
[21:46] U
    And second...
[21:48] U
    You snot-nosed brats will shut up
    and keep your butts seated.
[21:55] Nob
    There's no telling how long
    Utsuro has been living for,
[22:00] Nob
    or whether Shoyo is still
    a part of him or not.
[22:05] Nob
    But one thing is for sure:
[22:08] Nob
    he's currently the most dangerous
    being in the universe.
SIGN    Battle on Rakuyo Arc
    Part One
SIGN    The Monster and the Monster's Child
SIGN    Battle on Rakuyo Arc
    Part Two
[23:49] Gin
    We're coming back here, no matter what...
SIGN    Next Episode
    Leave Letter
[23:51] Gin
    The three of us, and one critter.
SIGN    A leave letter even though we just started?!
SIGN    There's a reason deeper than the universe for this...
SIGN    Somehow or the other, the Battle on Rakuyo Arc has begun!
SIGN    What's "Rakuyo"?? Find out next time!

E318 - Leave Letter

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:04] Nob
    There's no telling how long
    Utsuro has been living for,
[00:09] Nob
    or whether Shoyo is still
    a part of him or not.
[00:15] Nob
    But one thing is for sure:
[00:17] Nob
    he's currently the most dangerous
    being in the universe.
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    The Battle on Rakuyo
SIGN    Watch the Battle on Rakuyo arc in a bright room
    and at a safe distance from your TV!!
[01:59] Kat
    If Takasugi were alive, what would he say?
[02:04] Kat
    We became Joi Rebels after the bakufu
    took our teacher and friends from us,
[02:09] Kat
    hoping to change this cruel
    world for the better.
[02:13] Kat
    If he were to find out that our teacher
    was the one who created this world...
[02:19] Kat
    I'd be lying if I said the whole
    thing didn't come as a shock.
[02:24] Kat
    But it's also true that a part
    of me thinks it makes sense.
[02:27] Kat
    Yoshida Shoyo was a bright
    light that shone upon us.
[02:32] Kat
    But, looking back,
[02:34] Kat
    the vacant look he would
    sometimes have in his eyes
[02:37] Kat
    might have been him staring at
    the giant shadow of his past.
[02:43] Kat
    I may never know why he
    spent years in the Naraku,
[02:46] Kat
    then left it and started the Shoka Sonjuku.
[02:52] Kat
    But I do know...
[02:54] Kat
    that the man smiling there back then
    was, without a doubt, our teacher.
[03:02] Kat
    And I do know what I ought to do
    now as Yoshida Shoyo's student.
[03:09] Gin
    Zura, that's not Shoyo.
[03:13] (Flashback) Sho
    A monster's sword cannot
    cut another monster.
[03:17] (Flashback) Sho
    You have to grow stronger than me
    using the sword of a human.
[03:22] Sho
    It's something else, something
    not even Shoyo could defeat.
[03:28] Sho
    Shoyo died back then...
[03:31] Sho
    That's what Takasugi would say.
[03:34] Kat
    I see.
[03:35] Kat
    Even so, Gintoki,
[03:37] Kat
    it's my turn now.
[03:41] Kat
    I can't make you kill our teacher again.
[03:50] U
    The Elders passed away in
    an unfortunate incident.
[03:54] U
    There's nothing shackling
    the 12 Divisions anymore.
[03:58] U
    You're free to do as you wish now.
[04:00] Shirei?
    Utsuro-sama,
[04:01] Shirei?
    we do not seek freedom after all this time.
[04:04] Shirei?
    What the Harusame desires is governance...
[04:07] Shirei?
    A leader to show us the way.
[04:09] Shirei?
    Please let us join the Tendoshu's
    forces, Your Excellency—
[04:13] UB
    Good grief.
[04:14] UB
    Pirates, of all people,
    seeking governance? A leader?
[04:19] UB
    You make me want to give you a drink
    made from Luffy's straw hat.
[04:23] UB
    You really call yourselves pirates?
[04:27] G
    U-Umibozu!
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[04:38] (Flashback) Gin
    Get on with it!
[04:40] (Flashback) Gin
    Jeez, why do women take so long to get ready?
[04:44] (Flashback) Shin
    There, there.
[04:45] (Flashback) Shin
    Girls need to take care of a lot of
    things boys will never understand.
[04:48] (Flashback) Kag
    Sorry to keep you waiting.
[04:50] (Flashback) Kag
    I just couldn't settle on the right outfit.
[04:52] (Flashback) Gin
    Like hell you couldn't!
[04:53] (Flashback) Gin
    What you settled on was an early lunch!
[04:55] (Flashback) Gin
    Hey, what part of this thing is a girl?!
[05:05] Oto
    What's the matter, Sadaharu?
[05:06] Tama
    Did Gintoki-sama and the rest come back?
[05:09] Cat
    He probably just needs to pee.
[05:11] Cat
    Even if those wanted felons did
    come back, it'd only be a bother.
[05:15] Cat
    Here, get going.
[05:35] UB
    No vindication for the Elders, it seems.
[05:38] UB
    Do you think you can drink some sweet
    stuff if you follow the Tendoshu?
[05:43] U
    You were asked by an old friend in the
    Elders to dispose of the 7th Division, yes?
[05:49] U
    I shall pay you in their stead.
[05:52] UB
    I didn't put in enough work to get paid.
[05:55] UB
    Those guys were already on their last legs.
[05:58] UB
    You ordered that, didn't you?
[06:01] U
    You may be the number one
    hunter in the universe,
[06:03] U
    but I figured it wouldn't be easy
    for you to hunt down your own son.
[06:10] UB
    Until now, I'd never gotten involved in
    the internal disputes of crime syndicates.
[06:15] UB
    It may have been out of obligation,
[06:16] UB
    but do you know the real reason
    why I helped pirates out?
[06:20] UB
    It was to kill that rotten son
    of mine before you lot did.
[06:24] UB
    It was my own balls that
    gave life to that monster.
[06:27] UB
    Then it's my duty, balls and all,
    to put an end to him.
[06:33] UB
    So let me make this crystal clear.
[06:39] Kag
    Take me with you.
[06:41] UB
    I won't let anyone else...
[06:43] Kag
    ...kill him.
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[06:48] Gin
    That idiot.
SIGN    Leave Letter
[06:50] Gin
    She didn't have to write this crap.
    Odd Jobs is already long since...
[06:54] Shin
    "Odd Jobs isn't done yet."
[06:57] Shin
    "I'll definitely come back."
[06:59] Shin
    That's probably what she means.
[07:03] Shin
    Gin-san...
[07:04] Gin
    Don't say anything.
[07:05] Gin
    I don't understand anymore, either.
[07:09] Gin
    Not what I ought to do as his student,
[07:12] Gin
    or what I ought to do as a fellow student.
[07:16] Gin
    There's only one thing I do understand:
SIGN    Leave Letter
SIGN    Leave Letter
SIGN    Leave Letter
[07:20] Gin
    what we ought to do as Odd Jobs.
[07:24] Gin
    This is a special vacation.
[07:25] Gin
    You guys can go on a space
    trip or wherever you want.
[07:29] Gin
    But we're coming back here, no matter what...
[07:33] Gin
    The three of us, and one critter.
SIGN    Battle on Rakuyo Arc
    Part Two
SIGN    Leave Letter
[07:42] U
    Are you saying your son is still alive?
[07:45] UB
    Playing the fool, eh?
[07:47] UB
    Surely you know already.
[07:56] UB
    He's not the type to die from just that.
[07:59] UB
    My hunt is still in the phase
    where the prey has taken the bait.
[08:04] UB
    But if you're going to stick your
    nose where it doesn't belong again,
[08:08] UB
    then you'd best be prepared to
    be hunted down by Umibozu, too.
[08:14] UB
    Of course,
[08:15] UB
    the guy over there seems to
    be prepared for it already.
[08:19] U
    Stand down, Oboro.
[08:22] U
    He may not be our ally,
    but he's not an enemy, either.
[08:26] U
    He's nothing but a hunter who pulls
    back on his bow with no hesitation,
[08:29] U
    even with his son in front of him.
[08:33] Mat
    What are you playing at, Takechi-senpai?!
[08:35] Mat
    We decided not to work with
    them, even as a last resort!
[08:40] Kag
    Seconds.
[08:41] Hen
    Now, now, don't be in such a rush.
    Nobody's going to take your food away.
[08:45] Hen
    Chew properly, and eat
    the boiled veggies, too.
[08:48] Mat
    Are you kidding me?!
[08:49] Mat
    What are you domesticating
    her for, you moai mom?!
[08:51] Mat
    Why would you let her,
    of all people, on board?!
[08:53] Mat
    Give your lolicon tendencies a rest!
[08:55] Hen
    I'm not a lolicon. I'm a feminist.
[08:58] Hen
    I'm not putting my hands
    on an innocent little girl.
[09:02] Hen
    I'm extending a helping hand to her.
[09:04] Mat
    Uh, no matter how you put it,
    it just makes you sound like a lolicon!
[09:06] Mat
    You're a creep, Senpai!
[09:07] Mat
    What part of her is "innocent"?
[09:09] Mat
    Knock it off already!
[09:10] Mat
    How can you eat that much
    off the enemy's table?
[09:12] Mat
    Sure you didn't sneak in to
    burn through our provisions?
[09:15] Kag
    You guys would crash and burn even if
    I did nothing. You're meaningless to me.
[09:19] Kag
    If you wanna make a comeback,
[09:21] Kag
    bet everything you have on my tummy.
[09:23] Kag
    I'll destroy it all...
[09:25] Kag
    The Harusame, my stupid dad,
    and my stupid brother.
[09:31] Hen
    You shouldn't say things you don't mean.
[09:34] Hen
    You want to stop those two, don't you?
[09:37] Hen
    That's why you came here all by yourself...
[09:40] Hen
    To protect them as a daughter,
    as a sister, and as family.
[09:51] U
    It seems you're approaching your limit.
[09:54] U
    Even if it does gain the
    blood of an immortal,
[09:57] U
    a human body cannot handle
    that burden forever.
[10:01] U
    All the times you've died so far have
    clearly taken a toll on your body.
[10:06] O
    Even so, what has kept me alive
    when I should've died long ago
[10:10] O
    is your blood flowing through my body.
[10:13] O
    And the vow I made to you, one I
    will keep until my body rots away.
[10:19] U
    Even if you made that promise
    to a different avatar of mine?
[10:24] O
    Utsuro-sama, the enemy is not dead yet.
[10:28] O
    During the operation to
    mop up the 7th Division,
[10:30] O
    we detected an unknown unit
    moving around in the chaos.
[10:35] O
    One of them was an experienced Yato fighter.
[10:37] O
    We've received reports that the unit they
    led was likely comprised of Earthlings.
[10:42] U
    You're saying a third party got involved
    and secretly rescued Takasugi and gang?
[10:47] O
    They had a guide.
[10:50] O
    Probably exactly who you think it is.
[11:06] Ban
    Is this...
[11:13] Ban
    Where's Shinsuke?
[11:14] Ban
    Where are the Kiheitai?
[11:16] Ban
    Just what is this place?
[11:20] Sak
    Hey, you awake?
[11:22] Ban
    Y-You people...
[11:24] Sak
    Sorry.
[11:25] Sak
    We couldn't save any more of you.
[11:28] Sak
    But don't you worry.
[11:30] Sak
    Your general, and our friend...
[11:33] Sak
    We'll definitely save him!
[11:37] Kat
    "Friend," huh?
[11:39] Kat
    At this point, you're the
    only one who calls him that.
[11:43] Kat
    He should be thankful that
[11:45] Kat
    there's a man who is willing to go to
    the ends of the universe to save him.
[11:50] Kat
    And he should lament that
[11:52] Kat
    there's a man who is willing to go to
    the ends of the universe to kill him.
[11:55] Sak
    What, Zura?
[11:57] Sak
    You're still havin' a fight with
    Takasugi over somethin' stupid?
[12:00] Kat
    I'm not Zura. I'm Katsura.
[12:02] Kat
    A money-minded businessman
    wouldn't understand.
[12:03] Kat
    Samurai risk their lives to
    fight for their stupid bushido.
[12:07] Sak
    That so?
[12:09] Sak
    In that case, I wonder what stupid thing
    that happy-go-lucky fool's fightin' for.
[12:17] Hen
    Do you realize why I let you board this ship?
[12:21] Hen
    It's because I can bend your friends
    to my will if I take you hostage.
[12:26] Mat
    Takechi-senpai?
[12:28] Hen
    I'm the Kiheitai's strategic advisor.
[12:30] Hen
    My job is to get us out of this predicament
    using any and all methods available.
[12:35] Kag
    Don't worry.
[12:37] Kag
    Whether I do something stupid or not,
[12:41] Kag
    those guys will come
[12:43] Kag
    to protect my family.
[12:46] Kag
    That's why I must go...
[12:50] Kag
    To protect my other family.
[12:55] Ban
    The Dragon of Katsurahama, Sakamoto Tatsuma.
[12:58] Ban
    The Rampaging Noble, Katsura Kotaro.
[13:01] Ban
    The White Yaksha, Sakata Gintoki.
[13:04] Ban
    The men of legend who fought
    with Shinsuke in the Joi War...
[13:08] Ban
    Why are they here?
[13:11] Gin
    Thanks for bringing us here.
[13:13] Nob
    You should hurry up and get going.
[13:15] Nob
    Nobunobu has caught wind of our movements.
[13:18] Nob
    I'll take care of things here.
[13:21] Nob
    Figure the rest out on your own.
[13:23] Shin
    Nobume-san...
[13:25] Nob
    Can I ask you one thing?
[13:27] Nob
    Are you here as a student of Shoyo's,
[13:31] Nob
    or as a friend of Takasugi's?
[13:34] Gin
    Odd Jobs does whatever's asked of us.
[13:38] Gin
    Can I ask you something?
[13:39] Gin
    Did you help us out as a student of Shoyo's,
[13:44] Gin
    or as a friend of Takasugi's?
[13:47] Nob
    Because your foolish face
[13:51] Nob
    looked just like his.
[13:56] Nob
    So stupid.
[13:57] Gin
    Yeah, both you and me.
[14:02] Kat
    Gintoki...
[14:04] Sak
    Everyone's here now.
[14:06] Sak
    Set sail!
[14:16] U
    The Kaientai?
[14:18] O
    Sakamoto Tatsuma.
[14:20] O
    He fought in the Joi War with
    Takasugi and the others.
[14:23] O
    We've received word that a combined fleet
    with his and Katsura's people has left Earth.
[14:30] O
    They were probably the ones who
    rescued the remnants of the Kiheitai.
[14:34] U
    I see.
[14:35] U
    Former comrades have come together
    again to save their friend, huh?
[14:40] U
    Will you indeed be the ones to
    fight me until the very end?
[14:45] Ban
    What are you all playing at?
[14:48] Ban
    You cut ties with Shinsuke a long time ago.
[14:52] Ban
    So why are you doing this now?
[14:55] Ban
    Only Gintoki and Zura got
    into a fight with Takasugi.
[14:58] Ban
    That's how they've always been.
[15:00] Ban
    They keep quarrelin' over methods,
    even though their goal is the same.
[15:04] Kat
    You were wandering across the universe,
    so you don't know what he did.
[15:09] Kat
    Tell him about all his evil acts, Gintoki.
[15:12] Gin
    One bad thing about Takasugi...
[15:15] Gin
    Two bad things about Takasugi...
[15:17] Gin
    Three—
[15:18] Kat
    Look, there were so many that he fell asleep!
[15:21] Kat
    You helped out a man who's basically
    an incarnation of all things evil.
[15:24] Kat
    Why don't I count and see if he has
    enough good points to be worth saving?
[15:28] Kat
    One good thing about Takasugi...
[15:29] Shin
    There are tons of good
    things about him, too?!
[15:32] Shin
    You two just want to sleep, don't you?!
[15:33] Sak
    Once the battle begins,
    there will be no time to sleep.
[15:36] Sak
    Preserving one's energy
    is also part of bushido.
[15:39] Shin
    I don't wanna hear that from you!
    You're losing energy just by being on a ship!
[15:43] Mut
    There was a leak from the Harusame side
[15:46] Mut
    that said they were planning an operation
    to mop up the 7th Division and Kiheitai.
[15:51] Mut
    All we did was act on that information
    as per Sakamoto's orders.
[15:56] Ban
    Who leaked that information?
[15:58] Mut
    There's no need for you to know.
[16:00] Mut
    But Takasugi's not dead yet.
[16:02] Mut
    That much is for sure.
[16:03] Sak
    You guys have turned an
    absolute monster against you.
[16:08] Sak
    If we all don't work together, we'll all die.
[16:10] Sak
    We're willin' to help you out.
[16:13] Sak
    So you help us out, too.
[16:15] Ban
    As if we could do that—
[16:17] Sak
    You can.
[16:18] Sak
    I don't know why Takasugi
    and these guys had a fight.
[16:22] Sak
    There must've been some extraordinary
    circumstances involved.
[16:25] Sak
    But things are the same as
    back then, if you ask me.
[16:29] Sak
    They're just partners in crime who fight
    the moment they run into each other.
[16:35] Sak
    It's always been my job to
    put an end to their fights.
[16:40] Sak
    And I don't mind if it's only for a moment...
[16:42] Sak
    I'm gonna turn him back
    to nothin' but a punk!
[16:47] Shin
    Sakamoto-san...
[16:48] G
    Captain!
[16:51] Shin
    Th-That's...
[16:53] Nb
    I'm sorry, gentlemen, but
    your fun space trip ends now.
[16:58] Nb
    You will be reduced to space debris here.
[17:02] Ban
    Tokugawa Nobunobu!
[17:04] Ban
    The shogun himself? Impossible!
[17:07] Gin
    Jeez...
[17:09] Gin
    He's here, huh?
[17:11] Nb
    Sakata Gintoki, you cast a
    stone at my new government.
[17:16] Nb
    Did you think I,
[17:18] Nb
    or heaven, would forgive you?
[17:20] Nb
    You'll never escape, no matter
    where in this universe you run—
[17:25] Nb
    What's going on?
[17:26] G
    A-Artillery fire!
[17:27] Nb
    Artillery? They haven't lifted a finger.
[17:30] G
    Not from the front!
[17:31] G
    From the rear!
[17:33] G
    That's not artillery!
[17:35] G
    It's a raid ship fitted
    with optical camouflage!
[17:38] G
    The fleet in front is a decoy!
[17:40] Nb
    What?
[17:41] G
    Run away, shogun!
[17:43] G
    The enemy is already—
[17:46] Sak
    Oh? Is this what your new
    government is made of?
[17:49] Sak
    The old one we went to war
    against had a bit more backbone.
[17:54] Sak
    But we can take your country
    down in thirteen seconds.
[17:59] G
    You fiends!
[18:00] Nb
    Don't move!
[18:01] Nb
    If you do, my entire armada
    will fire at your fleet!
[18:05] Gin
    Just try it.
[18:07] Gin
    Will you destroy our fleet first,
[18:10] Gin
    or will we take the shogun's head first?
[18:14] G
    P-Protect the shogun!
[18:32] Ban
    They turned that hopeless
    situation around in a flash?
[18:36] Ban
    These are the men that fought with Shinsuke.
[18:40] Sak
    All ships, cease fire!
[18:44] Sak
    This fight is over, guys.
[18:47] Sak
    We've kissed and made up.
[18:49] Gin
    We found out there were a
    bunch of misunderstandings.
[18:52] Gin
    Like how we laughed at his
    sperm-like eyebrows or something.
[18:56] Kat
    But we cleared that up.
[18:58] Kat
    We didn't laugh at his eyebrows,
    but his cropped hair.
[19:01] Kat
    Isn't it funny that a man as
    old as him has that hairstyle?
[19:05] Kat
    In that case, your long
    hair is funny, too, Zura.
[19:08] Kat
    It's not long hair. It's Katsura.
[19:09] Gin
    Anyway, we resolved the whole thing by
    saying Zura would crop his hair, too.
[19:14] Kat
    Why must I get such a messed-up hairstyle?!
[19:16] Gin
    Also, as a sign of reconciliation, the
    shogun invited us to a "Hawk-Crop Party."
[19:22] Gin
    It's a meetup where we go around cropping
    the heads of every hawk in the universe.
[19:25] Gin
    As such, the operation is canceled.
[19:26] Gin
    He wants you retainers to
    return to Earth before him.
[19:31] Nb
    No need for that.
[19:33] Nb
    You won't be able to escape.
[19:35] Nb
    Not you or the retainers.
[19:37] Nb
    If you can't slaughter the traitors, then you
    retainers should disembowel yourselves.
[19:42] Nb
    Kill the enemy or kill yourself.
    Make your choice.
[19:45] Nb
    What's wrong? Stand up already.
[19:47] Nb
    Are you aware of who I am?!
[19:50] Nb
    I'm Shogun Tokugawa Nobunob—
[19:57] Ban
    There's no need for retainers to protect
    the shogun or give their lives for him.
[20:02] Ban
    Leave.
[20:03] Ban
    This country no longer
    has a deserving leader.
[20:08] Gin
    Oh, man.
[20:10] Gin
    The shogun's lost his teeth again.
[20:12] Gin
    How does it feel,
[20:13] Gin
    now that your long-standing wish of taking
    down the bakufu has come true here?
[20:18] Ban
    Nothing's come true.
[20:20] Ban
    The Shinsengumi, Mimawarigumi, and the
    retainers have all abandoned this castle.
[20:25] Ban
    Felling it just makes me feel empty inside.
[20:29] Ban
    How ironic.
[20:30] Ban
    This man was left all alone because
    he stood at the summit of the country.
[20:35] Ban
    And that man had his wings ripped
    off and fell to the ground,
[20:38] Ban
    but there were those that joined him there.
[20:41] Ban
    Shinsuke had you guys.
[20:45] Ban
    There is something I must tell you.
[20:48] Ban
    We have a secret base where we promised to
    meet in case of unforeseen circumstances.
[20:55] Ban
    Forgive me, Shinsuke.
[20:56] Ban
    You might yell at me for this,
[20:59] Ban
    but we need these men to fight the Harusame.
[21:04] Ban
    No...
[21:05] Ban
    Before all that, I've ended up
    wanting to see with my own eyes
[21:09] Ban
    how you looked back when
    you lived with these guys.
[21:14] Ban
    Shinsuke...
[21:17] Ab
    What a graceful sleeping face.
[21:19] Ab
    No matter how many people get burned by
    the flames of war outside his eyelids,
[21:23] Ab
    he coolly spends his time in his dreamland.
[21:25] Ab
    I see generals everywhere are messed up.
[21:30] Ab
    I swear...
[21:31] Ab
    At a time when the 7th Division is
    on the verge of destruction,
[21:34] Ab
    just where is our general dreaming?
[21:37] Ab
    I didn't expect him to pick this
    as the gathering spot, though.
[21:42] Ab
    The abandoned planet, Rakuyo.
[21:44] Ab
    The ruins of a world ravaged by a great war.
[21:48] Ab
    Rogues driven away from various
    planets gather here,
[21:52] Ab
    so it's the perfect place to hide.
[21:55] Ab
    But I thought he'd never want
    to come back here again.
[22:02] Ab
    So even people like you
[22:04] Ab
    can get homesick, huh,
[22:07] Ab
    you family of monsters?
SIGN    To Be
    Continued
SIGN    Preview
[23:44] Ban
    Shinsuke, are these the samurai
    we were trying to wipe out?
SIGN    Battle on Rakuyo Arc
    Part Three
[23:49] Sak
    The next time we meet,
SIGN    The Song of Samurai
[23:52] Sak
    it'll be as the four of us.
[23:53] SignR
    At last, the Odd Jobs take to space!
[23:53] SignL
    "Rakuyo" was Kagura's birthplace.
[23:59] SignR
    Will the split-up family and former friends
[23:59] SignL
    reunite on the abandoned planet?

E319 - The Song of Samurai

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:06] Sak
    The space food that our old
    lady chef prepares is famous
[00:10] Sak
    for lettin' one experience home-cooked
    flavor anywhere in the universe.
[00:13] Sak
    Did you not like it, Shogun?
[00:18] Sak
    This is a problem.
[00:19] Sak
    If you don't eat, we'll be the criminals
    who starved the shogun to death.
[00:25] Nb
    You guys are already criminals
    who will go down in history.
[00:30] Nb
    I don't know or care how you plan to use me,
[00:33] Nb
    but, struggle as you might,
    you're fated to die anyway.
[00:36] Nb
    You will never escape the Tendoshu!
[00:40] Sak
    If I may be so presumptuous, Shogun...
[00:43] Sak
    In our eyes, and probably
    the Tendoshu's as well,
[00:46] Sak
    you are no longer worth using.
[00:51] Sak
    Your retainers walked out on you,
    your government has rapidly lost power,
[00:55] Sak
    and now you've committed a huge
    blunder over a personal grudge.
[00:59] Sak
    You've been too sullied for
    them to use as a puppet.
[01:03] Sak
    At this rate, it's clear that they'll
    get rid of you along with us criminals.
[01:10] Sak
    We are in the same boat here, standin' at
    the edge of the same precipitous cliff.
[01:14] Sak
    And I'm sayin' that's exactly
    why you need to eat properly.
[01:18] Sak
    You can't fight on an empty stomach,
[01:20] Sak
    and for us as well as you,
    the real battle is comin' up.
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    The Battle on Rakuyo
SIGN    Battle on Rakuyo Arc
    Part Three
SIGN    The Song of Samurai
SIGN    Please watch this program in a bright room
    and at a safe distance from your TV!!!!!!
[03:03] Ban
    We can see it now.
[03:05] Ban
    If Shinsuke and the rest are
    alive, that's where they'll be.
[03:09] Ban
    And that's probably where
[03:10] Ban
    your friend who went with Takechi
    and Matako will be, too.
[03:16] Gin
    Rakuyo...
[03:18] Gin
    So that's Kagura's home planet.
[03:26] (Flashback) Kag
    Sorry, Mommy.
[03:29] (Flashback) Kag
    I've decided to leave this planet.
[03:32] (Flashback) Kag
    But I promise to come back.
[03:37] (Flashback) Kag
    This time with my stupid
    brother and stupid father.
[03:41] (Flashback) Kag
    I'll come back strong enough
    to regain everything.
[03:48] Mat
    A grave?
[03:49] Mat
    Someone you know?
[03:51] Kag
    I just wanted to check something.
[03:55] Kag
    It's just as I thought.
[03:57] Kag
    That baldy is here, too.
[04:01] UB
    How my homeland has changed
    while I was away.
[04:06] UB
    This has always been a hole for people
    who're too stupid to live on other planets,
[04:13] UB
    but I'd never run into people stupid enough
    to pick a fight with me until now.
[04:16] Abu
    Unfortunately, this is a squad formed by
    a colossal moron who grew up right here.
[04:22] Abu
    You guys had better give it a rest.
[04:24] Abu
    I'm not getting involved, okay?
[04:27] Abu
    This man's son took my left arm,
[04:31] Abu
    and his daughter took one of my ears.
[04:34] Abu
    There's no telling what he'll take.
[04:38] Abu
    Or, what, do you want to avenge that idiot?
[04:42] Abu
    You really shouldn't, then.
[04:44] Abu
    He'll kill you for trying to steal his prey.
[04:48] UB
    Are you saying he's still alive?
[04:50] Abu
    Isn't that why you're here?
[04:53] Abu
    To continue your father-son spat?
[04:56] Abu
    You two are really similar.
[04:59] Abu
    Once you zero in on a target, you ignore
    everyone else until you defeat them.
[05:05] Abu
    Even if that target is
    your own father or son.
[05:09] Abu
    Come. I don't have any tea to offer you,
[05:12] Abu
    but I do have plenty of
    complaints about your son.
[05:15] G
    Vice Commander!
[05:16] Abu
    Didn't you hear me?
[05:18] Abu
    This man isn't the least bit
    interested in taking our lives.
[05:22] Abu
    If he were, we wouldn't be here right now.
[05:25] Abu
    And we have no way to stop
    this fool, or his fool son.
[05:30] Abu
    In that case, all we can do is wait with him...
[05:33] Abu
    For the other fool to come back.
[05:38] Ban
    It seems the Harusame haven't
    caught wind of this location yet.
[05:43] Ban
    We didn't have to be so careful
    and bring only our best men.
[05:47] Shin
    Uh, everyone on the streets looks
    like a space pirate to me.
[05:52] Shin
    Did Kagura-chan really live
    on such a scary planet?
[05:55] Gin
    As a hangout for rogues from
    all over the universe,
[05:58] Gin
    it's not all that different
    from the Kabuki District.
[06:01] Gin
    Look, even the cabaret girls
    here look like your sister.
[06:04] Shin
    That's just a gorilla!
[06:05] Gin
    And her customer's basically Kondo, too.
[06:08] Shin
    That's just a gorilla!
[06:09] Gin
    And the manga artist drawing all that, too.
[06:11] Shin
    That's just a gorilla!
[06:13] Sak
    Shinpachi-kun, Gintoki's sayin'
    there's no need to be afraid.
[06:17] Sak
    So what if they're gorillas?
[06:18] Sak
    If they can work in such a
    business despite being gorillas,
[06:21] Sak
    then maybe their technique
    is out of this world!
[06:24] Shin
    Technique?
[06:25] Sak
    Okay, let's split up from here.
[06:27] Sak
    I'll try the G Course.
SIGN    G Course
SIGN    Gorilla
[06:29] Shin
    He went down the Gorilla Course!
[06:31] Mut
    I see. So you want the Gehenna Course.
SIGN    Gehenna
SIGN    G Course
[06:35] Ban
    So these are the men who
    fought with Shinsuke.
[06:38] Shin
    This is not the time or
    place for that reaction!
[06:39] Kat
    Yes, it might actually be similar.
[06:42] Kat
    Maybe Leader came to the Kabuki District
    because it gave off the scent of home,
[06:47] Kat
    right, Otae-san?
[06:48] Shin
    I told you, that's not Sis!
[06:50] Gin
    The scent of home, eh?
[06:53] Gin
    All I smell here is mold and grime.
[06:55] Mut
    We can't mix in the scent
    of blood there, too.
[06:59] Mut
    Anyhow, we should hurry to where
    Takasugi and the rest are hidin'.
[07:03] Mut
    Your friend is probably there, too.
[07:05] Mut
    Unless we meet up with 'em and
    protect 'em from the Harusame soon,
[07:09] Mut
    we'll lose our means of
    fightin' the Harusame, too.
[07:13] Shin
    Bansai-san.
[07:14] Ban
    Yes.
[07:16] Ban
    To think I'd be leading you to
    the emergency meeting place
[07:20] Ban
    that only those in our upper
    echelon know about...
[07:26] Ban
    You can see it from here.
[07:28] Ban
    It's that abandoned temple.
[07:35] Shin
    Uh, Bansai-san, it just exploded.
[07:39] Shin
    P-Please tell me that wasn't the place.
[07:42] Ban
    Yes, maybe it was not.
[07:44] Ban
    Right, it was the deserted house next door.
[07:48] Ban
    Or not. The place next door to that.
[07:51] Ban
    No, two doors down.
[07:53] Ban
    No, three—
[07:54] Shin
    They all exploded!
[07:56] Shin
    Was he there? Was Takasugi-san
    in one of those?!
[07:59] Ban
    Yes.
[08:00] Shin
    Oh, no!
[08:00] Shin
    You mean the Harusame knew?
[08:02] Gin
    Wasn't he the one who did all
    that, and not the Harusame?
[08:05] Gin
    Laser beams were coming out of his finger.
[08:08] Shin
    No, nothing came out!
[08:09] Shin
    Can you not? This guy doesn't get jokes!
[08:12] Gin
    My bad. It wasn't his finger.
    Something came from his brain.
[08:14] Shin
    I told you, nothing came out!
[08:16] G
    Bansai-sama, you're alive?
[08:18] Ban
    You're part of the Kiheitai!
[08:21] Ban
    What just happened?
    What were those explosions?
[08:24] G
    We're done for.
[08:26] G
    It was Umibozu.
[08:28] G
    He sniffed out this place.
[08:31] Kag
    Don't tell me...
[08:33] Kag
    Don't tell me!
[08:34] G
    P-Please hurry!
[08:35] Ban
    How's Shinsuke? Is he all right?
[08:40] Ban
    Hey, answer me!
[08:44] G
    We're sorry, Bansai—
[08:54] Shin
    Gin-san! Bansai-san!
[08:56] Gin
    A trap.
[08:58] Gin
    Those guys were in bed with the enemy.
[09:01] Gin
    I bet they were told to bring us here
    if they wanted their lives spared.
[09:05] Gin
    But they were just sacrificial
    pawns, apparently.
[09:09] Gin
    It looks like...
[09:12] Gin
    this planet has long since
    fallen into Harusame hands.
[09:16] Abu
    How awful.
[09:18] Abu
    That would turn even us Yato into cinders.
[09:22] Abu
    If we were there, that is.
[09:25] Abu
    If not for your advice,
    we'd have been done for.
[09:28] Abu
    Some gods abandon you,
    and some save you, huh?
[09:31] Abu
    Though, to begin with, the one who both
    destroyed and saved our 7th Division
[09:35] Abu
    wasn't godly, but a baldy instead.
[09:38] UB
    I am the great Umibozu, the best
    alien hunter in the universe.
[09:43] UB
    I always get my prey,
[09:45] UB
    but I never try to poach someone else's.
[09:48] UB
    My prey is the rotten brat alone.
[09:51] UB
    That man is not my prey nor the Harusame's,
[09:56] UB
    but the prey of a moron who'll come
    to settle the score someday.
[10:00] Abu
    A moron, eh?
[10:01] UB
    Long story short, I hate people who
    meddle in other people's fights.
[10:07] UB
    I gave them a warning, but it seems
    they're serious about taking me on.
[10:12] UB
    They came prepared to
    destroy an entire planet.
[10:16] UB
    If that's what they want,
[10:18] UB
    then I have to be ready, too...
[10:22] UB
    Ready for the most dangerous
    creature I've seen
[10:25] UB
    in my 25 years as an alien hunter,
[10:28] UB
    and ready to hunt him down.
[10:42] B
    I should've realized sooner.
[10:45] B
    To think the enemy managed to turn
    some of our surviving comrades...
[10:50] B
    The Kiheitai started to crumble
    the moment Shinsuke went down.
[10:55] Gin
    This would've happened sooner or later.
[10:58] Gin
    Besides, there'd be no point
    in us being here if it didn't.
[11:02] Gin
    Right, Zura?
[11:04] Gin
    Tatsuma?
[11:06] Gin
    Quit spacing out.
[11:08] Gin
    In battle, the ones who burden
    themselves with regret
[11:13] Gin
    are always the first to die.
[11:15] Gin
    The only burden samurai should carry
[11:18] Gin
    is their sword.
[11:21] Ban
    White Yaksha!
[11:24] Kat
    Want me to tell you how to
    avoid the enemy's bullets?
[11:28] Kat
    It's simple!
[11:30] Kat
    Run!
[11:33] Kat
    Run faster than the enemy's bullets!
[11:45] Kat
    Run...
[11:46] Kat
    Run faster than the
[11:50] Kat
    shadow of death looming over you!
[11:55] G
    They're downstairs!
[11:55] G
    Hurry!
[12:00] Mut
    Fire!
SIGN    Charge!!
[12:07] Ban
    They used a mad rush as a feint?
[12:09] Ban
    While they distracted the enemy,
[12:12] Ban
    they sent their friends
    to surround the enemy?
SIGN    Die
[12:15] Ban
    Shinsuke...
[12:16] Ban
    Are these the samurai we
    were trying to wipe out?
[12:20] Ban
    No wonder they gave us such a hard time.
[12:23] Ban
    Sure, the era did break them,
[12:26] Ban
    and they did degrade into something
    resembling a blunt blade.
[12:30] Ban
    However...
[12:31] Ban
    The steel that remains here even after
    breaking, crumbling, and taking hit after hit
[12:35] Ban
    may be tempered to cut through
    every metal in the universe
[12:42] Ban
    as the last sword of the samurai.
[12:46] G
    Now here's a surprise.
[12:48] G
    I can't believe they fended off
    my 4th Division so easily.
[12:51] G
    Just like that Takasugi,
[12:54] G
    it seems Earthlings aren't
    just a bunch of monkeys.
[12:58] G
    You're the monkey.
[13:00] G
    I didn't give you permission
    to deploy your troops.
[13:03] G
    This wouldn't have happened
    if you'd followed my orders.
[13:07] G
    Save your whining for your
    wife, you mecha geezer.
[13:11] G
    Wars aren't fought with your mind.
[13:14] G
    They're meant to be fought with headbutts.
[13:15] G
    My cranium is at least 50
    times as hard as yours.
[13:19] G
    Want to try it?
[13:21] G
    You know too little about the enemy.
[13:23] G
    They are...
[13:24] G
    Samurai.
[13:26] G
    Or should I say, the remnants of samurai?
[13:30] G
    That reminds me, didn't you fight in some
    Earth war back when you were a mercenary?
[13:36] G
    You're the Harusame's 2nd Division commander
    and said to be its finest swordsman.
[13:40] G
    I bet you cut down a ton of
    that island nation's warriors.
[13:44] G
    No, there was one man I couldn't cut.
[13:49] G
    But that's all in the past.
[13:53] G
    Samurai use group tactics that
    they call the art of war.
[13:57] G
    We'll split them up and
    destroy each group in turn.
[14:01] G
    Samurai history will end here
    today, by the Harusame's hands.
[14:07] G
    What's with these guys?
[14:08] G
    Weren't our enemies supposed
    to be just Earthlings?
[14:11] G
    Why are these monsters with them?
[14:14] Mut
    Monsters? Rude.
[14:16] Mut
    Sure, we have different blood flowin'
    through our veins than Earthlings.
SIGN    But so what?
[14:21] Mut
    We may not carry the same blood,
[14:24] Mut
    but we vowed to shed it on the same
    battlefield, for the same cause.
[14:29] Mut
    We're samurai!
[14:33] G
    Don't fight them head-on!
[14:34] G
    Samurai are highly experienced
    in close-quarters combat!
[14:37] G
    Burn those monkeys down!
[14:48] Ban
    What a boorish bunch.
[14:50] Ban
    During a musical performance, you're
    supposed to shut up and listen to the song.
[14:54] Ban
    Do your wax-filled ears not hear it?
[14:57] Ban
    This unrefined yet graceful,
[15:00] Ban
    haphazard yet harmonious
[15:07] Ban
    song of samurai?
[15:09] Shin
    Gin-san! Bansai-san!
[15:11] Gin
    Hey. Looks like you managed to
    run away from the grim reaper.
[15:15] Ban
    I didn't run from anything.
[15:17] Ban
    If anything, I chased after
[15:21] Ban
    the backs of you grim reapers.
[15:22] Kat
    I'm not a grim reaper! I'm Katsura!
[15:24] Sak
    Cease your name callin'!
[15:26] Sak
    How are we—
[15:31] Ban
    It is as you see.
[15:32] Ban
    Anyone who's with you can
    never have enough lives.
[15:36] Gin
    Not exactly.
[15:38] Gin
    As you see, we also have some helping hands.
[15:41] Gin
    I think I understand how Takasugi
    stayed alive all this time.
[15:48] Gin
    Were you the one defending
    that grim reaper's back?
[15:51] Ban
    Who knows?
[15:54] Ban
    All I know is that watching
    the backs of idiots like you
[15:58] Ban
    is never boring.
[16:01] Sak
    Gintoki! Zura!
[16:03] Sak
    We Kaientai will deal with the flies above!
[16:06] Sak
    You guys look for Takasugi below!
[16:10] Kat
    Sakamoto!
[16:11] Kat
    The enemy's trying to take
    us out one at a time!
[16:15] Kat
    If we split up when we're already
    outnumbered, we'll never win!
[16:16] G
    The insides, Katsura-san!
    The insides fell out!
[16:18] Sak
    Even if we gather in one place,
    we'll still be outnumbered.
[16:22] Sak
    In that case, we should
    each do whatever we can.
[16:27] Sak
    Besides, I believe...
[16:30] Sak
    Not in the strength of thousands of enemies,
[16:31] Sak
    but of those I've fought
    with thousands of times...
[16:34] Sak
    In the strength of you two.
[16:40] Sak
    The next time we meet,
[16:42] Sak
    it'll be as the four of us.
[16:46] Obo
    So the one who leaked the information
[16:49] Obo
    and saved the 7th Division and
    the Kiheitai really was him.
[16:53] Obo
    The reason he approached the Harusame
    Elders and took part in the operation
[16:58] Obo
    was to save his son?
[17:01] U
    Oboro, he has not lied to us once.
[17:05] (Flashback) UB
    It was to kill that rotten son
    of mine before you lot did.
[17:08] UB
    His eyes weren't lying.
[17:10] UB
    He wasn't thinking of anything
    but killing his son.
[17:14] UB
    In other words,
[17:17] UB
    he never thought about
    killing anyone but his son.
[17:23] UB
    The only exception
[17:25] UB
    is people who get in the way
    of their father-son spat.
[17:29] Obo
    So he, too, is meant to be
    an obstacle on your path?
[17:34] U
    I'd prefer not to call him an obstacle.
[17:38] U
    After all, I've finally found him...
[17:40] U
    Someone who, though I had yet to meet him,
[17:47] U
    might possibly be able to kill me.
[18:02] Abu
    What a striking sight.
[18:04] Abu
    Six of the twelve Harusame divisions
[18:06] Abu
    have moved out just to kill some survivors?
[18:10] Abu
    And half of them have moved out
    to hunt down just one man?
[18:15] UB
    All I see is a bunch of
    maggots crawling about.
[18:19] Abu
    Where I come from, a "striking sight"
    is one that strikes you with despair.
[18:24] UB
    Why are you coming with me?
[18:27] UB
    Your best chance to run is
    while I'm raising some hell.
[18:30] Abu
    They're planning to wipe out the Yato.
[18:34] Abu
    If we're gonna die anyway,
[18:35] Abu
    it wouldn't be too bad to die
    with a living Yato legend.
[18:40] UB
    I'm the guy who's here
    to kill your commander.
[18:44] Abu
    It's ironic.
[18:46] Abu
    To survive and see our
    commander again, we have to
[18:48] Abu
    cling to the power of the living legend,
    the man who came to kill our commander.
[18:55] UB
    Tell me what you know about the enemy.
[18:58] Abu
    We're up against three of the
    twelve Harusame divisions.
[19:01] Abu
    The most dangerous one of them all is
    the 1st Division, which leads the rest.
[19:05] Abu
    Its commander, Shirei, is
[19:07] Abu
    the longest serving and most
    successful leader in the 12 Divisions.
[19:10] Abu
    He's smart and strong.
[19:12] Abu
    You could call him the best of the best.
[19:14] UB
    Any others I should be wary of?
[19:16] Abu
    The Three Mad Stars have
    probably been reinstated, too.
[19:20] UB
    The Three Mad Stars?
[19:21] Abu
    Dangerous elements who were among
    the strongest in the 12 Divisions,
[19:26] Abu
    but were imprisoned for a long
    time due to breaking the rules.
[19:31] Abu
    The first...
[19:32] Abu
    The only commander in the 12 Divisions
    without any foot soldiers.
[19:36] Abu
    But this scheming monk can take over
    all troops on the battlefield.
[19:39] Abu
    The 3rd Division Commander, Uranus Hankai.
[19:44] Abu
    The second...
[19:45] Abu
    has an eye that can read people's minds,
[19:48] Abu
    and the moniker of "The Star Sword King."
[19:50] Abu
    He is the best swordsman in the Harusame,
[19:52] Abu
    2nd Division Commander, Pluto Bato.
[19:58] Abu
    And lastly...
[20:04] Abu
    The man possessing the most strength
    and athleticism in the Harusame,
[20:07] Abu
    the syndicate's best assassin...
[20:10] G
    Good grief.
[20:12] G
    How did my division get crushed
[20:15] G
    by a man with such delicate
    and effeminate features?
[20:19] Kat
    I'm not effeminate. I'm Katsura.
[20:21] Kat
    Out of the way, monkey.
[20:23] Kat
    I have no time to feed you millet
    dumplings or go to India with you.
[20:28] G
    I'm not a monkey.
[20:29] G
    I'm the Harusame's 4th Division Commander
    and one of the Three Mad Stars,
[20:35] G
    Neptune Shokaku!
[20:37] Kat
    Talk about long!
[20:38] Kat
    Your title is really long.
[20:40] Kat
    It's too long to remember.
[20:42] Kat
    Can't you make it more compact,
    like my "I'm not Zura. I'm Katsura"?
[20:46] Sho
    Yeah, but what am I supposed
    to do? That's my title.
[20:50] Kat
    I get wanting to say it all out loud.
[20:52] Kat
    But if you throw that much information at
    someone, they won't remember any of it.
[20:56] G
    Well, I'm not telling you
    to remember all of it.
[20:59] Kat
    Oh, is that so?
[20:59] Kat
    If that's how you're going to
    roll, then I'll do the same.
[21:02] Kat
    I'm not Zura!
[21:03] Kat
    I'm a Joi leader and former
    member of the Joi Elite Four,
[21:06] Kat
    feared as the Rampaging
    Noble and Runaway Kotaro,
[21:09] Kat
    Katsura Kotaro, type AB,
[21:11] Kat
    whose fortune for today is moderate.
    If you sweat the small stuff, you'll regret it.
[21:15] Kat
    Call me that!
[21:15] G
    Uh, the latter half wasn't even a title!
[21:18] Kat
    If you ask me, your "Three Mad Stars"
    is just as pointless as "type AB."
[21:24] Kat
    Like I could remember that!
[21:25] G
    Yeah, that's impossible.
[21:26] G
    Was the Three Mad Stars
    thing that pointless?
[21:29] Kat
    Basically, the important thing is
    to pick what you want to say most
[21:33] Kat
    and to do it in a clear and concise manner!
SIGN    Nobody cares, so could you get on with it?
[21:35] G
    Fine, I get it!
[21:37] G
    I get it, so don't say any more.
    Damn, you're annoying.
[21:39] Kat
    Do you really get it, monkey?
[21:44] G
    I'm not a monkey.
[21:46] G
    I'm Shokaku, a big-hearted type O!
[21:49] G
    That's what you go with?!
[21:52] Kat
    Bring it on, Sho... Shoke?
[21:57] Kat
    You rotten monkey!
[21:59] G
    In the end, you still couldn't remember it?!
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Preview
[23:39] Kat
    So, yeah, I ended up fighting...
    er... that... thing.
[23:45] Gin
    I know you're hardheaded,
[23:46] Gin
    but did your brain turn hard, too, Zura?
[23:49] Kat
    I'm not Zura! I'm Katsura!
SIGN    Battle on Rakuyo Arc
    Part Four
[23:50] Kat
    No, I'm...
SIGN    Zura
[23:53] ---
    Harusame's 4th Division Commander and one of the Three Mad Stars, Neptune Shokaku,
[23:53] ---
    has Zura (type AB) about
    to go berserk on him?!
[23:59] ---
    There's not much room in these
    captions for such long titles,
[23:59] ---
    so we like the nice, compact ones!

E320 - Zura

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    The Battle on Rakuyo
SIGN    Please watch this program in a bright room
    and at a safe distance from your TV!!!!!!
[01:42] Gu
    So this is the samurai "art of war," huh?
[01:45] Gu
    Imagine, blocking my attack head-on.
    It's almost like magic or sorcery.
[01:50] K
    The art of war isn't magic.
[01:53] K
    "A single stick is enough to
    get rid of a monkey in heat."
[01:57] K
    That's the only line in the damn book!
[02:01] Gu
    I like it!
[02:02] Gu
    I don't like tricks myself.
[02:05] Gu
    I've made it this far with a single stick.
[02:07] Gu
    Even with ships that can travel the stars,
[02:10] Gu
    we'd rather stand on the bodies of
    our enemies than stand on the moon!
[02:16] Gu
    Nothing's changed since
    we crawled on the ground!
[02:19] Gu
    All men are monkeys!
[02:22] Gu
    Now, let's find out who's
    king of monkey mountain!
[02:33] Gu
    That was a rotten move.
[02:35] Gu
    You're the one who said you'd
    use just a single stick!
[02:41] Gu
    I lost a tooth!
[02:43] K
    Didn't you know?
[02:46] K
    A stick always comes with balls.
[02:56] K
    Elizabeth, run!
[03:01] K
    I knew it! An ambush!
[03:04] K
    Keep running under the cover of the smoke!
[03:07] K
    No matter what happens, keep running!
[03:09] K
    Keep looking forward and keep running!
[03:11] K
    Can you do it?
SIGN    Why are you asking me this now?
SIGN    Katsura-san, we've been
    running all this time.
SIGN    We've been running with you, believing you're heading for tomorrow.
SIGN    And we'll stay with you.
[03:22] K
    Forgive me, Elizabeth, everyone.
[03:25] K
    I can't win this battle as I am now.
[03:29] K
    As a general who leads an organization,
[03:33] K
    I can't beat that thing.
[03:35] K
    So I have to go back.
[03:38] K
    Not for my organization, or for my comrades...
[03:42] K
    I must wield my sword for my own sake,
[03:45] K
    as a lone monkey.
[03:49] Gu
    Kotaro the Runaway.
[03:51] Gu
    Isn't that what you said you were?
[03:55] Gu
    Wouldn't have expected you to stay
    behind so your comrades could escape.
[04:00] K
    Nobody would call me that if I couldn't
    tell which people I could run away from,
[04:04] K
    and which I couldn't.
[04:07] Gu
    I see.
[04:08] Gu
    So you've accepted your fate?
[04:10] K
    It's not accepting my fate.
[04:12] K
    It's resolve.
[04:14] K
    I won't run anywhere again.
[04:28] (Flashback) Gu
    No, what are you talking about?
[04:30] (Flashback) Gu
    It's gotta be Gintoki-san!
[04:32] (Flashback) Gu
    You saw how bold he was when he launched
    that surprise attack on that huge army.
[04:36] (Flashback) Gu
    The way he fought like a demon!
[04:38] (Flashback) Gu
    Nobody could beat him, enemy or ally!
[04:41] (Flashback) Gu
    What are you talking about?
[04:42] (Flashback) Gu
    That surprise attack wouldn't have worked
    without the help of the Kiheitai.
[04:46] (Flashback) Gu
    The tactics that overpowered
    modern weapons!
[04:49] (Flashback) Gu
    The strength to bring down a battleship!
[04:51] (Flashback) Gu
    The strongest is our leader,
    Takasugi Shinsuke!
[04:55] (Flashback) Gu
    What are you people talkin' about?
[04:57] (Flashback) Gu
    Who do you think is makin' this war possible?
[05:01] (Flashback) Gu
    Soldiers. Weapons. Money.
[05:04] (Flashback) Gu
    It's because somebody's providin'
    all that stuff, right?
[05:07] (Flashback) Gu
    In other words, the strongest
    is the Dragon of Katsurahama,
[05:10] (Flashback) Gu
    Sakamoto Tatsuma—
[05:11] (Flashback) Gu
    No way.
[05:12] (Flashback) Gu
    Yeah, no matter what, I know that's not true.
[05:14] (Flashback) Gu
    His obsession with money and the loudness
    of his voice would beat anyone, though.
[05:20] (Flashback) Gu
    Oh, I see.
[05:21] (Flashback) Gu
    I can whisper too, though.
[05:24] (Flashback) Gu
    So it's either Gintoki-san
    or Takasugi-san, right?
[05:29] (Flashback) Gu
    Actually, what about Katsura-san?
[05:32] (Flashback) Gu
    To be honest, I don't really understand him.
[05:36] (Flashback) Gu
    He's kind of like the leader of the Four
    Devas, who has calmed the rampages
[05:40] (Flashback) Gu
    of Gintoki-san and Takasugi-san
    since they were young.
[05:43] (Flashback) Gu
    It's true that as a general
    and leader, he's ideal.
[05:47] (Flashback) Gu
    But his strength in war,
    and his individual strength...
[05:51] (Flashback) Gu
    It's hard to measure.
[05:52] (Flashback) Gu
    His skill lies in steady defensive
    battles rather than bold offensives.
[05:56] (Flashback) Gu
    For that reason, Gintoki-san
    usually wins the battle glory.
[06:01] (Flashback) Gu
    He doesn't attack and doesn't
    fall for provocations.
[06:03] (Flashback) Gu
    You know what the enemy
    calls the way he fights?
[06:07] (Flashback) Gu
    "Kotaro the Runaway..."
[06:10] (Flashback) Gu
    "Steady" sounds like a good thing,
[06:12] (Flashback) Gu
    but it can also mean cowardice...
[06:14] (Flashback) Gu
    Zura? A coward?
[06:17] (Flashback) Gu
    You guys really don't know anything.
[06:19] (Flashback) Gu
    Gintoki and Takasugi will laugh at you.
[06:22] (Flashback) Gu
    S-Sakamoto-san? When did you show up?
[06:26] (Flashback) Gu
    Um, I just got here.
[06:28] (Flashback) Gu
    You say he's achieved less in battle
    than Gintoki and the others?
[06:31] (Flashback) Gu
    That's only because you haven't
    noticed what he's done.
[06:35] (Flashback) Gu
    It's harder to fight a losing
    battle than a winning one.
[06:39] (Flashback) Gu
    If you don't know when to retreat,
[06:40] (Flashback) Gu
    you won't ever be able
    to rebuild your forces.
[06:43] (Flashback) Gu
    A battle without glory, where you protect
    your allies instead of attackin' your foes...
[06:48] (Flashback) Gu
    Only a master of war could be
    entrusted with such a thing.
[06:53] (Flashback) Gu
    Without Zura, we would've
    lost the war a long time ago.
[06:57] (Flashback) Gu
    So you're saying that Katsura-san
    is the strongest, then?
[07:01] (Flashback) Gu
    We're back to who's the strongest now?
[07:04] (Flashback) Gu
    Well, you wouldn't know unless you
    stripped the coward's skin off him.
SIGN    Grave of the Katsura Clan
[07:11] (Flashback) Gu
    He lost his parents to
    illness when he was little.
[07:15] (Flashback) Gu
    His mansion was confiscated,
[07:16] (Flashback) Gu
    and at one point, he and his
    grandmother were homeless.
[07:21] (Flashback) Gi
    Kotaro, what do you think is
    the most important quality
[07:25] (Flashback) Gi
    a general needs to lead an army?
[07:30] (Flashback) Gi
    Whether he's a warrior who
    can defeat a thousand foes
[07:33] (Flashback) Gi
    or a wise strategist who knows
    how to use his soldiers,
[07:36] (Flashback) Gi
    if the general goes down, the battle is lost.
[07:40] (Flashback) Gi
    If you die, you can't protect your soldiers,
    your country, or anything else.
[07:45] (Flashback) Gi
    Thus, a general must be the greatest
    coward on the battlefield.
[07:51] (Flashback) Gi
    So Kotaro, feel free to cry.
[07:56] (Flashback) Gi
    You can cry. You can be weak.
[07:59] (Flashback) Gi
    As long as the general lives,
[08:01] (Flashback) Gi
    as long as you live,
[08:03] (Flashback) Gi
    the Katsura clan will not die.
[08:05] (Flashback) Gi
    It's okay if they call you a coward.
[08:08] (Flashback) Gi
    Survive, Kotaro.
[08:10] (Flashback) Gi
    No matter what they say about you,
[08:14] (Flashback) Gi
    we know that you are a great general.
[08:17] (Flashback) Gu
    He lost his grandmother too,
    and was all alone in the world,
[08:21] (Flashback) Gu
    becoming the head of the
    Katsura clan at a young age.
[08:24] (Flashback) Gu
    And as he bore that heavy burden,
    he cloaked himself in a coward's skin.
[08:29] (Flashback) Gi
    That's the boy they all say
    is really smart, right?
[08:32] (Flashback) Gi
    I heard there was talk of
    someone adopting him,
[08:35] (Flashback) Gi
    but he says that a samurai
    must raise himself.
[08:42] (Flashback) K
    Grandma... It's tough being a general, huh?
[08:46] (Flashback) K
    Even if you run from all danger
[08:48] (Flashback) K
    and survive all by yourself,
[08:50] (Flashback) K
    you can't escape the loneliness.
[08:52] (Flashback) K
    You can't make it through the
    night just by being a coward.
[08:56] (Flashback) K
    So I'm going to be a samurai who's stronger
    and more cowardly than anyone else.
[09:01] (Flashback) K
    So that I can protect
[09:03] (Flashback) K
    not only myself, but the comrades who
    must make it through the night with me,
[09:07] (Flashback) K
    I'll be strong, and a coward...
[09:11] (Flashback) Gu
    To protect his family line,
    to protect his comrades,
[09:15] (Flashback) Gu
    he's continued his cowardly battle.
[09:18] (Flashback) Gu
    Even while people mock him
    as Kotaro the Runaway.
[09:21] (Flashback) Gu
    But if a general appeared whom
    he could entrust everything to...
[09:26] (Flashback) Gu
    If an enemy appeared whom he couldn't
    defeat unless he bet everything...
[09:29] (Flashback) Gu
    Once the coward's skin was stripped off,
[09:33] (Flashback) Gu
    you might learn his real name.
[09:54] (Flashback) G
    Zura... Zura...
[09:56] (Flashback) G
    Hey, Zura...
[09:58] (Flashback) G
    Want to try fighting me for once?
[10:01] (Flashback) K
    Who the heck is Zura?
[10:03] (Flashback) G
    You, obviously.
[10:04] (Flashback) G
    It's too much effort to call you Katsura.
[10:06] (Flashback) K
    It's just adding the "Ka"!
[10:08] (Flashback) K
    Say people's names right!
[10:09] (Flashback) G
    Whatever. Let's fight.
[10:11] (Flashback) G
    I'm sick of fighting that idiot.
[10:14] (Flashback) G
    It's obvious I'm going to win.
[10:16] (Flashback) T
    Hey.
[10:16] (Flashback) T
    I've got 57 wins and 56 losses. I'm winning.
[10:20] (Flashback) T
    And it's no use inviting him.
[10:23] (Flashback) T
    "A general shouldn't carelessly sully his
    name with personal battles," he says.
[10:27] (Flashback) K
    That's right.
[10:28] (Flashback) K
    I'm glad you didn't get hurt.
[10:30] (Flashback) G
    Then I'll be this "general"
    so you don't have to.
[10:34] (Flashback) ---
    What?
[10:35] (Flashback) G
    It's because of that "general" thing that
    you can't do what you want, right?
[10:40] (Flashback) G
    I'll be your general.
[10:42] (Flashback) G
    So when you're with me, just be Zura.
[10:47] (Flashback) K
    Wh-What are you sayi—
[10:48] (Flashback) G
    Now you can have personal battles
    or whatever you want, right?
[10:51] (Flashback) G
    And when you're here, you're the general.
[10:53] (Flashback) T
    Don't just make someone else do it!
[10:55] (Flashback) G
    It'll be easier if we all share the work.
SIGN    M T W Th F Sat Sun
SIGN    Takasugi Zura Off
[10:58] (Flashback) G
    Okay, you do it from Monday to Wednesday.
[10:59] (Flashback) G
    Zura can do it from Thursday to Saturday.
[11:01] (Flashback) G
    I'll do it Sunday if I'm bored.
[11:02] (Flashback) T
    Don't turn it into a shift system!
[11:04] (Flashback) T
    You're barely doing it at all!
[11:05] (Flashback) G
    So, what's a general?
[11:07] (Flashback) G
    How much does it pay per hour?
[11:08] (Flashback) T
    It doesn't pay anything!
[11:09] (Flashback) T
    Instead, you pay others!
[11:10] (Flashback) G
    Oh, like a shop general.
[11:11] (Flashback) T
    What's a shop general?
[11:12] (Flashback) T
    Don't you mean just a store manager?!
[11:14] (Flashback) G
    But...
[11:14] (Flashback) T
    You're an idiot, aren't you? You're an idiot!
[11:16] (Flashback) G
    What did you say?!
[11:17] (Flashback) K
    Draw your sword.
[11:20] (Flashback) K
    You can't be a general.
[11:22] (Flashback) K
    I'll make it clear who's
    worthy to be a general.
[11:29] (Flashback) G
    Fine by me! Let's do it, Zura!
SIGN    Sugar Content
[11:31] (Flashback) K
    I'm not Zura! I'm Katsura!
[11:36] K
    I see...
[11:40] K
    That's right.
[11:45] Gu
    It's a shame.
[11:47] Gu
    With your skills, you could've
    run one of the 12 Divisions.
[11:52] Gu
    But it was fun, Katsura Kotaro.
[12:00] K
    I'm not Katsura.
[12:03] K
    I'm Zura!
SIGN    Battle on Rakuyo Arc
    Part Four
SIGN    Zura
[12:12] K
    I'm not Katsura.
[12:14] K
    I'm Zura!
[12:27] Gu
    He's totally different from before.
[12:31] Gu
    He's attacking like a wild beast
    that's given up on defense.
[12:34] Gu
    Did he snap and forget who he was?
[12:36] Gu
    But...
[12:37] Gu
    In terms of number of blows,
    he can't stop a real beast!
[12:48] Gu
    You bastard!
[12:54] Gu
    He didn't forget who he was...
[12:59] Gu
    He just threw it aside,
[13:01] Gu
    of his own will!
[13:04] Gu
    He's sacrificing his own life to take mine!
[13:09] Gu
    Impressive resolve.
[13:12] Gu
    You can't have my life,
    but you've won my heart!
[13:17] Gu
    The real war starts now!
[13:19] Gu
    I'm begging you, samurai!
[13:21] Gu
    Don't die yet!
[13:31] Gu
    We're finally fighting like monkeys.
[13:37] Gu
    The only weapons we've got
    left are our own bodies.
[13:43] Gu
    For us men, simple is best.
[13:45] K
    Just your body?
[13:47] K
    What are you talking about?
    You can barely move your limbs.
[13:51] Gu
    Unfortunately for you, I've still
    got something up my sleeve.
[13:55] K
    What a coincidence.
[13:56] K
    So do I.
[14:02] (Flashback) K
    Then it's settled.
[14:04] (Flashback) K
    I, Katsura Kotaro, am the one
    best suited to be a general.
[14:07] (Flashback) G
    Stand up and open your eyes
    if you're gonna sleep-talk.
[14:10] (Flashback) G
    You can have the title of "most hard-headed."
[14:13] (Flashback) G
    Isn't it important for a general to
    admit when they're beaten, hard-head?
[14:19] (Flashback) T
    If you ask me, none of you have
    the polished looks of a general.
[14:25] (Flashback) K
    Maybe.
[14:27] (Flashback) K
    But that's fine.
[14:29] (Flashback) K
    Even if, someday, we're all
    generals, leading our own packs,
[14:34] (Flashback) K
    we should stay like this.
[14:37] (Flashback) K
    When we come back here,
    I'll forget everything
[14:40] (Flashback) K
    and laugh with you.
[14:42] (Flashback) K
    I'll cry with you.
[14:44] (Flashback) K
    As plain old Zura...
[14:48] (Flashback) K
    Together...
[14:52] (Flashback) K
    Let's fight!
[14:58] K
    Sorry.
[15:02] K
    I can give up my title of general,
[15:05] K
    but I'm not giving my title of
    "most hard-headed" to anyone.
[15:08] Gu
    Commander!
[15:10] Gu
    Stop it!
[15:13] Gu
    No matter how many soldiers are left,
[15:15] Gu
    if the general loses, the war is over.
[15:19] Gu
    Also, a war isn't fought with your head.
[15:23] Gu
    It's fought with your headbutts.
[15:26] Gu
    We lost.
[15:28] K
    Shokaku... You...
[15:31] Gu
    I never did like working in a group.
[15:35] Gu
    Laws, rules...
[15:36] Gu
    I don't know how many times I've broken them.
[15:39] Gu
    But the Harusame has neither the laws
    needed to support an organization
[15:42] Gu
    nor the freedom the pirates love.
[15:45] Gu
    It's turned into just a toy for a single man.
[15:49] Gu
    So I'm going to fight the
    battles I want to fight.
[15:55] K
    What does that man intend to do?
[15:58] K
    He wants to take over the Harusame,
    eliminate Takasugi and the rest of us rebels,
[16:03] K
    and then what?
[16:05] Gu
    No idea.
[16:06] Gu
    All I know is that no matter what it is,
[16:08] Gu
    neither we nor you people can stop it.
[16:11] Gu
    The toy's just gotta dance
    until all its limbs fall off.
[16:16] K
    We're here of our own will.
[16:19] K
    I've no intention of dancing in anyone's hand.
[16:23] Gu
    I hope not.
[16:25] Gu
    I think it's about time for your friends
    to be guided to the dance party.
[16:33] Gu
    All barrages have struck the enemy ships.
[16:35] Gu
    The surprise attack was a success!
[16:37] S
    Okay, push the attack!
[16:39] S
    Attention, all Kaientai ships!
[16:41] S
    Get the hell outta here!
[16:43] Gu
    I'm amazed you can give such a
    pessimistic order so optimistically.
[16:47] S
    We can't beat those numbers
    in a straight-up fight.
[16:51] S
    So we need to poke 'em in the butt
[16:53] S
    and get them as far from
    the fight as possible.
[16:56] S
    It doesn't matter if our outlook
    is backward or even sideways.
[17:00] S
    The path that I, Sakamoto Tatsuma,
    walk always faces forward.
[17:04] Gi
    Sheesh...
[17:06] Gi
    Looks like the space conman is
    doing just fine on the battlefield.
[17:12] Gu
    Captain!
[17:13] S
    What's going on?
[17:14] S
    Did the enemy turn around already?
[17:17] Gu
    I-It's not the enemy!
[17:18] Gu
    It's our allies!
[17:22] Gu
    What?
[17:23] Gu
    We're being attacked by our allies?
[17:25] Gu
    That's impossible!
[17:26] Gu
    Is there a traitor?
[17:28] Gu
    A-At any rate, you guys hurry up, too!
[17:31] Gu
    Who are you?!
[17:40] Gu
    It's no metaphor.
[17:41] Gu
    For him, allies, enemies,
    the battlefield itself...
[17:45] Gu
    They're all toys for him to play with.
[17:51] Gu
    Now dance.
[17:56] Gu
    Captain, run!
[17:57] Gu
    Our ship won't...
[18:00] Gu
    Communications have been cut off!
[18:02] S
    Fire smokescreen bombs!
[18:03] S
    Get away from the other
    ships as fast as you can!
[18:05] S
    Listen, no matter how many times
    they attack, don't shoot back!
[18:09] S
    We need to go as fast as...
[18:13] S
    Sorry, can we slow down just a bit?
[18:15] M
    It doesn't look like they got sick of their
    stupid captain and started a rebellion.
[18:21] S
    What's goin' on aboard their ships?
[18:23] M
    The communications show no
    sign the enemy took over.
[18:27] M
    And if they did betray us, they
    wouldn't tell us to run, of course.
[18:31] S
    Then what?
[18:32] S
    This isn't the enemy or
    our allies attackin' us,
[18:35] S
    the ship is doin' it on its own?
[18:38] M
    That's right.
[18:40] M
    Hacking.
[18:41] M
    By taking over the ship's control systems,
[18:44] M
    they were able to take over
    the Kaientai and our ships
[18:46] M
    without using a single soldier.
[18:48] M
    The enemy's got some kind of monster-level
    hacker, if they can do this.
[18:53] Gu
    That's right.
[18:56] Gu
    Your fleet is in my hands.
[19:00] Gu
    Who are you?
[19:02] S
    Um, do you think you dialed the wrong ship?
[19:06] S
    We're the Kaientai, not White Base.
[19:09] Gu
    No, that's not a Zaku, Captain.
[19:11] S
    You got a notepad?
[19:13] S
    I can tell you how to contact
    the Federation forces.
[19:15] S
    The Zeon army screws up
    and calls us all the time.
[19:18] Gu
    Captain, that's not the Zeon army.
[19:20] S
    Then is this the Zaku-Zaku scam I've
    been hearin' about? You won't fool me!
[19:25] Gu
    No, there's no such thing,
[19:26] Gu
    and you believed he was a Zaku anyway!
[19:28] Gu
    I am Hankai, the Guru of Trickery,
[19:30] Gu
    commander of the Harusame's 3rd Division
[19:33] Gu
    and one of the Three Mad Stars.
[19:34] Gu
    He's subtly bragging about his name.
[19:36] M
    So basically, this is all your doing, Zaku?
[19:40] Gu
    How did you hear all that and
    decide he was a Zaku, Vice Captain?!
[19:43] Gu
    Indeed.
[19:44] Gu
    The one who took over your fleet and
    deliberately didn't touch your flagship,
[19:49] Gu
    was me, Gundam.
[19:52] S
    He switched it to Gundam!
[19:53] S
    Did he figure he'd rather be a
    Gundam than get called Zaku?!
[19:56] H
    You can either shoot down your
    allies' ships and survive,
[19:59] H
    or simply be shot down here.
[20:01] H
    I thought I'd let you choose.
[20:05] M
    You bastard! Fine, we'll call you Zaku!
[20:08] Gu
    Is that what you're choosing?!
[20:09] H
    Whichever you choose,
    your defeat is assured.
[20:13] H
    You've come all this way
    to save your comrades,
[20:16] H
    and you will give up everything for them.
[20:19] H
    My Mono-Eye will record that moment.
[20:23] Gu
    He gave up! He's decided to live
    the rest of his life as a Zaku!
[20:27] H
    You don't have long before
    you must make your decision.
[20:35] Gu
    You guys!
[20:36] H
    Did you think it was just machines that
    the Guru of Trickery could control?
[20:43] S
    What are you doing?
[20:45] S
    Get a hold of yourselves!
[20:46] M
    What's going on?
[20:48] M
    They've all gone mad!
[20:50] H
    The 3rd Division is said to be
    the only one without soldiers.
[20:56] H
    But that's not true.
[20:58] H
    You just can't see them.
[21:00] H
    My soldiers are too small to see,
[21:03] H
    but their numbers and powers
    exceed the other divisions.
[21:07] H
    Some can infiltrate the
    enemy's central system,
[21:10] H
    and others can infiltrate human brains
[21:13] H
    and infect them.
[21:15] H
    Yes, within my body are
    countless nanomachine viruses...
[21:20] H
    And you are toys that they control!
[21:22] H
    You are my 3rd Division!
[21:27] Gu
    Captain!
[21:28] Gu
    Sorry.
[21:30] S
    Everybody, grit your teeth!
[21:33] S
    Take care of the ship!
[21:34] S
    Seal the entrance!
[21:36] Gu
    B-But...
[21:39] Gu
    Captain!
[21:47] S
    Why'd you follow me?
[21:49] Gu
    There are more than two choices.
[21:51] Gu
    We can find Zaku, beat the crap out of him,
[21:53] Gu
    and fix everything.
[21:56] Gu
    And if you get infected, as vice captain,
    I have to kill you immediately.
[22:01] S
    Sheesh...
[22:02] S
    So if you get infected, I have to kill you?
[22:06] S
    I'm gonna end up gettin' killed myself.
[22:08] Gu
    Don't worry about me being infected.
[22:10] Gu
    I got infected a long time ago...
[22:13] Gu
    with your stupidity!
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Battle on Rakuyo
    Part Five
SIGN    Sakamoto Tatsuma... A strange man.
SIGN    The Two Fools
[23:53] ---
    The next battle is between the
    space trader Sakamoto Tatsuma
[23:53] ---
    and the Mobile Suit... I mean,
    the Guru of Trickery, Hankai!
[23:58] ---
    The current shogun
    Nobunobu's heart wavers,
[23:58] ---
    and Sakamoto's unknown
    past is revealed...

E321 - The Two Fools

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:04] ---
    What's goin' on aboard their ships?
[00:06] ---
    The enemy's got some kind of monster-level
    hacker, if they can do this.
[00:12] ---
    Your fleet is in my hands.
[00:16] ---
    You don't have long before
    you must make your decision.
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    The Battle on Rakuyo
SIGN    Please watch this program in a bright room
    and at a safe distance from your TV!!!!!!
[01:52] (Flashback) Gu
    The one best suited to sit on
    that throne is not Shigeshige.
[01:55] (Flashback) Gu
    It is you.
[01:58] (Flashback) Gu
    You are the only one who
    can save this country.
[02:13] S
    Nobunobu-sama...
[02:17] S
    Young Master...
[02:17] S
    Nobunobu-sama...
[02:25] S
    Sheesh, what a bunch of jerks.
[02:28] S
    They're even attackin' our guest?
[02:30] S
    I'm sorry my crew was so
    rude, Shogun-sama.
SIGN    Battle on Rakuyo
    Part Five
SIGN    The Two Fools
SIGN    Harusame Forces
SIGN    Takasugi and Umibozu
SIGN    Gintoki vs. Bato
SIGN    Katsura vs. Shokaku
SIGN    Sakamoto vs. Hankai
[02:44] ---
    Just like I thought.
[02:46] ---
    Everyone who wasn't on the bridge is
    bein' controlled by the enemy virus.
[02:50] M
    I can see bite marks.
[02:52] M
    Looks like it's spread via direct infection.
[02:56] M
    It's just like Resident Evil.
[02:58] S
    In the game, we'd just blow
    their heads off with a Magnum,
[03:01] S
    but since they're our allies,
    all we can do is run.
[03:03] M
    We've also got a Spelunker-level
    weak-ass to take care of.
[03:07] S
    Reality is such a bullshit game.
[03:10] Gu
    I don't recall asking for help.
[03:12] M
    I'm sure. And I don't recall helping you.
[03:15] M
    I only followed the captain's orders.
[03:18] Gu
    What are you planning?
[03:20] Gu
    I'm the one who killed Shogun Shigeshige
[03:23] Gu
    and put your comrades in such dire straits.
[03:26] S
    If I intended to kill you, I wouldn't
    have brought you on this ship.
[03:30] Gu
    You're the one who said
    I was no longer worth using.
[03:33] Gu
    Even if you don't have a single
    soldier to protect you,
[03:36] Gu
    and you're forced to let the
    enemy spare your pathetic life,
[03:39] Gu
    you don't have the right to die.
[03:41] Gu
    You have a duty to witness
    the fate of the country,
[03:44] Gu
    along with the effects your deeds had on it.
[03:48] Gu
    No matter how much you
    have to disgrace yourself.
[03:51] Gu
    It doesn't matter if you're a
    wise ruler or a foolish one.
[03:54] Gu
    Once a man bears the
    burden of leadin' a country,
[03:56] Gu
    he can't expect dying to be that simple.
[04:00] M
    Hey. We've got a call from the bridge.
[04:02] M
    I tried to track the enemy's location
    through their communications,
[04:05] M
    but as I thought, they're carefully hidden.
[04:07] S
    So we have to track down the Zaku
    by fumblin' in the dark, huh?
[04:11] S
    Who knows how long that'll take?
[04:14] Gu
    Do you mean the mechanical man?
[04:17] S
    D-Don't tell me...
[04:23] S
    I guess the hardest thing to see
    is what's right under your nose.
[04:27] S
    The enemy's been aboard
    this ship from the start,
[04:29] S
    releasing the nanomachine
    virus and watching us panic?
[04:34] M
    So why hack the other ships
    and have them attack us?
[04:39] M
    You're absolutely sure you
    saw him head this way, right?
[04:43] Gu
    It's up to you whether or not you believe me.
[04:46] Gu
    That won't change the truth in what I saw.
[04:50] S
    Most likely, the attack and the virus
    were both just smokescreens.
[04:54] S
    His real goal is the Kairinmaru.
[04:57] S
    The central system on the Kairinmaru is
    equipped with the latest in firewalls.
[05:02] S
    It ain't gonna be easy to infiltrate.
[05:05] S
    In other words, what's goin' on right now
[05:08] S
    is an attempt to buy time until the
    enemy can take over the Kairinmaru.
[05:12] S
    Mutsu, the enemy's in the control room.
[05:15] S
    Let's hurry.
[05:17] S
    Not only did he save me, his enemy,
[05:19] S
    but he believed me.
[05:20] S
    Is he a big man, or just a big fool?
[05:23] S
    Sakamoto Tatsuma...
[05:25] S
    He's a strange man.
[05:28] S
    What's wrong, Shogun-sama?
[05:30] S
    You're starin' at Mutsu's
    ass and not sayin' a thing.
[05:33] Gu
    What are you—
[05:36] M
    Oh, no. It looks like the
    Kairinmaru is rusting in places.
[05:39] M
    It needs maintenance.
[05:41] Background
    You little...
[05:41] M
    Hey, captain. Switch places.
[05:42] Background
    I would never be interested in
    the ass of a low-born girl!
[05:43] S
    Wait, that's dangerous!
[05:45] S
    Okay then, Shogun-sama,
    you can stare at my ass.
[05:48] S
    And I can stare at Mutsu's ass...
[05:53] M
    You can go get your ass
    chewed on by the infected.
[05:56] M
    I'll hurry on to the control
    room in the meantime.
[05:58] S
    W-Wait!
[06:04] Gu
    You bastard!
[06:06] Gu
    You let your crew treat you that way,
    and you call yourself a captain?
[06:09] S
    I don't wanna hear it from a shogun
    who was abandoned by his retainers!
[06:12] Gu
    I wasn't abandoned.
[06:13] Gu
    I abandoned them!
[06:14] Gu
    Just draw your gun!
[06:15] S
    Hell no!
[06:16] S
    Even if my men abandon me,
    I won't abandon them!
[06:19] S
    I'm a space trader!
[06:21] S
    I have all kinds of space-stuff to
    deal with a situation like this!
[06:26] S
    The HikikomoRevolver!
[06:28] S
    A gun that fires a net
    that entangles the enemy,
[06:30] S
    symbolizing the way that the net traps
    modern kids and turns them into hikikomori.
[06:36] K
    So he's trying to immobilize the enemy?
[06:38] S
    Here goes.
[06:43] S
    Okay, now they can't touch us.
[06:46] S
    And we can't touch them, either.
[06:47] K
    I didn't expect him to use it like that.
[06:50] K
    Sakamoto Tatsuma...
[06:52] K
    Is he a big man, or just a big fool?
[06:54] K
    I just don't understand him!
[06:56] K
    But we're stuck now, too!
[06:59] S
    No need to worry.
[07:01] S
    I thought this might happen, so...
[07:04] S
    NEETly Rice Cakes!
[07:05] S
    Scattering these and getting
    your enemy to eat them
[07:07] S
    symbolizes the way NEET society causes
    a NEET to waste their potential by
[07:11] S
    devouring their parents' income.
[07:13] K
    Is he trying to delay the enemy?
[07:15] S
    We can hang out here for a while now.
[07:18] K
    I didn't expect him to use it like that.
[07:20] K
    Sakamoto Tatsuma...
[07:22] K
    Is he a big man, or just a big fool?
[07:24] K
    I don't understand him at all!
[07:26] M
    He's just a big fool, obviously!
[07:28] M
    Are you so useless, you make your
    retainers play the straight man?!
[07:32] M
    You fools!
[07:34] S
    My steamed buns!
[07:36] S
    Hey, I didn't say you could have those!
[07:38] S
    When you get back to normal,
    you'll pay for this.
[07:39] K
    He's definitely just a fool.
[07:42] K
    Both he and I are fools who can't
    even get a single one of our men
[07:45] K
    to do what we want.
[07:46] K
    So why doesn't he give up?
[07:49] K
    Why does he look as if
    he knows he's not alone?
[07:53] K
    What's the difference between him and me?
[07:55] K
    I don't like it!
[07:57] K
    I don't—
[07:59] S
    Close the door!
[08:03] S
    Where's the enemy?
[08:06] M
    Were we wrong?
[08:08] H
    No, I'm here.
[08:15] S
    Mutsu!
[08:17] H
    The enemy's here.
[08:19] H
    Right inside this man.
[08:22] S
    Nobunobu, you...
[08:24] K
    M-My body isn't doing what I want it to!
[08:30] K
    I see!
[08:31] K
    By that time, my body was already...
[08:34] H
    Yes.
[08:35] H
    It's not yours anymore.
[08:38] H
    The 3rd Division Commander, Hankai,
[08:40] H
    has no body of his own.
[08:42] H
    If he did have a body,
    it would only be a container.
[08:46] H
    What's inside you now is me.
[08:50] S
    So you invaded Nobunobu's body to get at me?
[08:54] H
    Your guess was wrong.
[08:56] H
    I can take over the systems
    on this ship with my virus.
[09:00] H
    As you saw, I took over your crew.
[09:02] H
    And...
[09:08] H
    Your last remaining companion, too.
[09:10] H
    You're all that's left, Sakamoto Tatsuma.
[09:15] H
    An army without soldiers.
[09:17] H
    That's what they call the 3rd Division.
[09:19] H
    But it appears that name
    is better suited to you.
[09:25] H
    The Kaientai you once commanded
    will become my 3rd Division.
[09:31] H
    Don't worry as you die.
[09:33] H
    Nobody will cry over your death.
[09:41] S
    Even if my men abandon me,
    I won't abandon them!
[09:48] S
    You want my crew and my ship?
[09:51] S
    Then let me give you a warning as a merchant.
[09:54] S
    If you want to buy a company,
[09:56] S
    you should investigate it thoroughly first.
[10:01] S
    Unfortunately, my company's
    been responsible for a death,
[10:04] S
    so we're hellbound anyway.
[10:06] Gu
    A serious problem has occurred
    with the control system.
[10:09] Gu
    The system will now move to emergency mode.
[10:12] Gu
    All crew, please evacuate immediately.
[10:13] H
    Have you gone mad?
[10:14] H
    Did you decide to destroy the Kaientai and
    this ship rather than lose everything?
[10:19] S
    A man who's not willing
    to go down with his ship
[10:22] S
    doesn't have the right to fly with it.
[10:25] S
    Are you willing to do that?
[10:27] K
    Don't tell me he...
[10:36] H
    The damage to the system is minimal.
[10:39] H
    If I compensate for the
    lost functionality myself,
[10:41] H
    it can be restored easily.
[10:42] H
    You will be the only one to sink,
[10:45] H
    Sakamoto Tatsuma!
[10:47] N
    That's what Sakamoto Tatsuma wanted!
[10:50] N
    He shot the control device to try to
[10:52] N
    rip out the enemy that's inside me...
[10:56] N
    He still won't abandon me, after all this?
[10:59] N
    Even when I...
[11:05] H
    Sorry, Shogun,
[11:07] H
    but you should save your thinking
    for when you're alone.
[11:10] H
    I can hear every detail of your plan.
[11:18] H
    Shogun, I can tell exactly
    what you're thinking.
[11:24] H
    Is this feeling anger, or sadness?
[11:28] H
    The only person who tried to
    protect you died for your sake.
[11:32] H
    Now nobody's left, huh?
[11:35] H
    You were used by everyone,
[11:38] H
    lifted up, and placed at the
    top just like they wanted.
[11:41] H
    And that's why you...
[11:43] K
    Yes.
[11:44] K
    I used everyone, too.
[11:48] K
    But when I sat at the top, I realized...
[11:51] K
    I thought this was what people wanted,
[11:54] K
    but nobody was there.
[11:57] K
    Why did I come all this way?
[12:02] K
    There was no reason.
[12:05] K
    You were empty from the start.
[12:07] K
    You could only find your own
    goals by being used by others.
[12:12] K
    This isn't the top.
[12:14] K
    It's just a place for you playthings
    that have been thrown away...
[12:18] H
    Just a graveyard for junk.
[12:21] H
    Useless junk like you can just
    lie on the ground and rot.
[12:24] H
    For eternity.
[12:31] (Flashback) S
    It doesn't matter if you're a
    wise ruler or a foolish one.
[12:33] (Flashback) S
    Once a man bears the
    burden of leadin' a country,
[12:35] (Flashback) S
    he can't expect dying to be that simple.
[12:37] K
    Sakamoto Tatsuma, why did you let me live?
[12:42] K
    Now that I'm the last one left,
    what is it you want me to do?
[12:47] H
    You...
[12:51] K
    No, I won't ask any more questions.
[12:59] K
    I have to find the answers myself.
[13:03] K
    I have to make it to the
    top on my own two legs!
[13:08] (Flashback) S
    For us as well as you,
    the real battle is comin' up.
[13:12] K
    Now!
[13:18] H
    Don't tell me...
[13:21] H
    Even when infected, you're
    still in control of yourself?
[13:25] K
    That is my fight, Sakamoto Tatsuma!
[13:37] Gu
    Climb!
[13:38] Gu
    We can't!
[13:39] Gu
    The damage to the control system is bad!
[13:41] Gu
    At this rate, we're going to crash!
[13:43] Gu
    No! They've caught up to us!
[13:45] Gu
    We're doomed!
[13:51] Gu
    Come in, Kairinmaru!
[13:53] Gu
    We will support your ship.
[13:55] Gu
    While we do, put all your energies
    into restoring the system!
[13:58] Gu
    Y-You guys...
[13:59] Gu
    You took back your ship?
[14:00] Gu
    Hey, look!
[14:02] Gu
    Our crewmates who were controlled by
    the virus have returned to their senses?
[14:05] Gu
    Get moving!
[14:06] Gu
    Now it's our turn to save the captain!
[14:10] K
    So a battle between two
    leaders with no soldiers
[14:13] K
    was decided by their soldiers?
[14:17] K
    He never abandoned his soldiers.
[14:20] K
    And you never abandoned him.
[14:23] K
    That's something rarer and
    more valuable than the
[14:27] K
    greatest ruler or the most loyal retainer.
[14:31] K
    You know it's true because I'm saying it.
[14:34] M
    A ruler is like an empty ship.
[14:37] M
    Only after it has a crew can it sail
[14:40] M
    toward where everyone wants to go.
[14:43] M
    That's why the crew never
    abandons their ship.
[14:46] M
    And the ship tries its best to
    protect the crew from the waves.
[14:50] M
    Your ship couldn't stand
    under the weight of its task.
[14:54] M
    No matter how great the ship,
[14:56] M
    an empty ship with only one
    person on board can't go anywhere.
[15:00] K
    If that's the case, where is this
    rickety ship of yours heading?
[15:06] M
    If I knew the answer to that,
    this would all be far easier.
[15:09] M
    Maybe you, even as you
    stand on board, are its goal.
[15:13] M
    In the wide, open sea, where
    there are no landmarks,
[15:16] M
    even the waves a ship leaves
    in its wake can become a guide.
[15:19] M
    That's why this rickety
    ship will take even you in.
[15:22] M
    Mistakes, glory, good, evil, dreams, karma...
[15:26] M
    It's carrying all that.
[15:28] M
    Even so, the rickety ship keeps
    going, searching for a tomorrow
[15:31] M
    where everyone can smile.
[15:33] K
    That explains why it doesn't sink.
[15:35] K
    To you, even I'm not deadweight, but a sail.
[15:42] S
    This is the only way I can fight, you know.
[15:48] (Flashback) Gu
    Sakamoto-san, hang in there!
[15:50] (Flashback) Gu
    Sakamoto-san!
[15:51] (Flashback) S
    Don't make such a fuss.
[15:53] (Flashback) S
    Our leader will scold you.
[15:56] (Flashback) T
    You're the one who's getting a scolding.
[15:58] (Flashback) T
    You're supposed to be the
    dragon of Katsurahama,
[16:00] (Flashback) T
    and you got your butt kicked.
[16:02] (Flashback) T
    What happened?
[16:03] (Flashback) Gu
    He was immobilized on the battlefield.
[16:05] (Flashback) Gu
    He was trying to carry a wounded enemy,
[16:13] (Flashback) Gu
    and both he and the enemy were...
[16:15] (Flashback) T
    Looks like you really do need a lecture.
[16:18] (Flashback) S
    Give me a break.
[16:20] (Flashback) S
    I was lucky to survive,
[16:22] (Flashback) S
    and now you're trying to finish me?
[16:24] (Flashback) T
    As a samurai,
[16:25] (Flashback) T
    you're already dead.
[16:27] (Flashback) S
    So I was right, huh?
[16:28] (Flashback) S
    It's going to suck not being able
    to peel an apple with a sword.
[16:32] (Flashback) T
    You were a terrible samurai to begin with.
[16:36] (Flashback) T
    It's an idiotic ending, so it suits you.
[16:38] (Flashback) G
    He ain't dead.
[16:41] (Flashback) G
    There's more to being a samurai
    than swinging a sword.
[16:44] (Flashback) G
    There's more to war than killing the enemy.
[16:46] (Flashback) G
    Sakamoto Tatsuma's wars
[16:48] (Flashback) G
    aren't the kind of petty things
    that can be ended with a stick.
[16:52] (Flashback) T
    You remember the enemy's face?
[16:54] (Flashback) S
    You guys...
[16:55] (Flashback) T
    Unfortunately, I like those petty wars.
[16:58] (Flashback) G
    You fight your war.
[17:01] (Flashback) G
    We'll fight ours.
[17:19] (Flashback) G
    Looks like I drew the winning card.
[17:22] (Flashback) G
    We finally meet.
[17:27] B
    Yes, that's what you said.
[17:30] B
    Now it's my turn to say it.
[17:34] B
    We finally meet,
[17:36] B
    samurai.
[17:39] Gu
    Gin-san!
[17:40] G
    Hey.
[17:42] G
    Somebody drew on your face.
[17:45] G
    Your forehead!
[17:46] G
    You should go look at a mirror!
[17:48] G
    No, not with the evil eye.
    The ones below it.
[17:50] G
    Oh, damn, I just realized
    your eyes are sewn shut.
[17:53] G
    Pirates play the craziest
    pranks when you're asleep!
[17:55] G
    Hey, you guys watching from the shadows!
[17:57] G
    I can tell you're laughing!
[18:00] G
    Even if you're pirates, that's going too far.
[18:02] G
    You can't just sew his eyelids shut!
[18:03] G
    He can't even see the drawing
    you made on his forehead now!
[18:06] G
    You don't get to see his reaction!
[18:08] G
    And listen, you need to tell
    them when they're going too far.
[18:12] G
    Here, use this to wipe it off.
[18:13] G
    Oh, you can't see it?
[18:15] G
    You may be the type that's
    easily picked on, but still...
[18:18] G
    There's a fine line between
    picking on and bullying.
[18:20] G
    Huh?
[18:21] G
    Man, I can't get this to come off.
[18:28] B
    I thought my face was easier
    to remember than most.
[18:31] B
    But if you're a swordsman,
[18:33] B
    there's no way you could
    have forgotten this sword.
[18:35] B
    The sword of the Star Sword King, the
    greatest of all swordsman in the universe!
[18:43] Gu
    Wh-What's going on?
[18:45] Gu
    Who is that monster?
[18:49] Gu
    He's Bato, one of the Three Mad Stars
[18:50] Gu
    and commander of the Harusame's 2nd Division!
[18:53] Gu
    He's the strongest individual
    fighter the Harusame has.
[18:56] Gu
    He's hunted and slain all the
    swordsmen of other worlds,
[18:59] Gu
    and now he's coming to hunt
    the swordsmen of Earth.
[19:01] Gu
    No, maybe he's here to hunt the
    prey that escaped him before!
[19:06] Gu
    Gin-san!
[19:07] G
    Go.
[19:08] G
    Looks like he's my guest.
[19:10] Gu
    A samurai's pride is on the line in this battle.
[19:13] Gu
    If he loses, he'll join the
    countless samurai he's defeated.
[19:17] Gu
    You would have us bet all the
    pride of every samurai on you?
[19:21] G
    I've got no intention
    of carrying that burden.
[19:24] G
    But no matter how many people
    he's beaten, or where,
[19:28] G
    I've beaten the guy you bet on many times.
[19:32] G
    And he's beaten me.
[19:34] G
    That pride, I will never abandon.
[19:44] Gu
    Let's go, kid.
[19:45] Gu
    If you're a samurai, fight a battle
    worthy of the man you bet on!
[19:49] Gu
    They will return. I know it.
[19:51] Gu
    Let's show them...
[19:53] Gu
    Let's show the universe what a samurai is!
[20:05] B
    Did you remember this moment, samurai?
[20:09] B
    The moment of joy that only we share,
[20:10] B
    as we entrust our lives to our blades?
[20:13] B
    I had given up on any blade
    ever threatening my life.
[20:17] B
    You were the only one who ever
    gave me a moment like this!
[20:21] B
    Samurai!
[20:23] B
    I've missed you!
[20:27] G
    It's like he can see where
    I'm going to strike next!
[20:32] B
    That's right.
[20:35] B
    I can see it.
[20:36] B
    My eye sees all.
[20:40] B
    My species once had no
    ears or mouths, I heard.
[20:45] B
    We did all our communication with this
    one eye that's called Enlightenment.
[20:51] B
    I closed my eyes and ears to
    awaken my "Enlightenment,"
[20:55] B
    which vanished from my
    species in the distant past.
[20:58] G
    That's right...
[20:59] G
    He's the one who...
[21:06] G
    I was the one who was looking for you.
[21:11] G
    Give back my 300 yen!
[21:14] B
    No, that's not right.
[21:15] G
    What? You're not the guy who
    swiped the 300 yen I found first?
[21:19] B
    No, that's not me.
[21:20] G
    Wait, maybe it was 400 yen...
[21:22] B
    It doesn't matter whether
    it was 400 yen or 300 yen.
[21:24] B
    I can read minds and I have a different
    looking face, and his was a mole.
[21:27] B
    Everything is different about us!
[21:28] G
    No, no, no. I didn't forget!
[21:30] G
    I remember!
[21:31] G
    I see.
[21:33] G
    He's the one who...
[21:37] G
    I've come to give back your 300 yen!
[21:40] B
    No, I wasn't the guy who lent you 300 yen.
[21:42] G
    Yeah, that's right.
[21:43] G
    It was actually more like
    600 yen, not 300 yen...
[21:46] B
    It doesn't matter whether
    it was 600 yen or 300 yen.
[21:49] B
    Seriously, it has nothing to do with 300 yen.
[21:51] B
    You're insulting me. I spent
    ten years looking for you.
[21:55] G
    I swear I remember!
[21:56] G
    I've been looking for you for ten years, too!
[21:58] B
    I remember that battle like it was yesterday.
[22:05] B
    Pakuyasa!
[22:06] G
    You've got the wrong guy, too!
SIGN    Preview
[23:39] G
    You get people's names wrong.
[23:41] G
    You get people's faces wrong.
[23:43] G
    You rely too much on
    that eye on your forehead.
[23:45] G
    I don't think that's a good thing.
[23:47] G
    When you receive a business card, you
    should write down something memorable
[23:49] G
    about them on the back.
SIGN    Battle on Rakuyo
    Part 6
[23:51] ---
    Next time: Ten Years.
SIGN    Ten Years
SIGN    Next time, the unknown past of Pakuyasa...
SIGN    ...Forget that, who the hell is he, anyway?
SIGN    But more importantly,
SIGN    he is finally about to awaken...

E322 - Ten Years

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:07] Gu
    When that man
[00:11] Gu
    ran over the battlefield,
    amidst the bloody winds,
[00:13] Gu
    he was truly an oni.
[00:20] Gu
    So you're the boss?
[00:22] Gu
    Looks like I drew the winning card.
[00:25] Gu
    We finally meet.
[00:29] (Flashback) Gu
    Samurai.
[00:31] (Flashback) Gu
    What is your name?
[00:34] (Flashback) Gu
    Pakuyasa!
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    The Battle on Rakuyo
[02:08] (Flashback) Gu
    Pakuyasa!
[02:10] G
    No, that's not me.
[02:13] G
    That wasn't me.
[02:14] B
    Don't play dumb.
[02:16] B
    You can deceive the eyes of others,
[02:18] B
    but you cannot deceive my enlightened eye,
[02:21] B
    Pakuyasa.
[02:22] G
    I'm not Pakuyasa. I'm the White Yasha.
SIGN    Please watch this program in a bright room
    and at a safe distance from your TV!!
[02:26] B
    It is indeed possible that
    I got the name wrong.
[02:29] B
    But even if my eyes and ears are closed,
[02:31] B
    I can perceive everything with this eye.
[02:34] B
    That flabby double chin of yours,
    and your Idaho accent,
[02:37] B
    definitely belong to Pakuyasa.
[02:39] G
    No, that's completely wrong.
[02:41] G
    You're describing a different person.
    What is that eye looking at?
[02:43] B
    And just like it was then, your heart
    is filled with thoughts of one person...
[02:49] B
    Is it your master?
[02:52] B
    Or your friend, or the
    object of your revenge?
[02:57] (Flashback) P
    I can't lose!
[02:59] (Flashback) P
    Until I reach him,
[03:01] (Flashback) P
    I can't lose to anyone else!
[03:07] (Flashback) G
    You want to be my student?
[03:09] (Flashback) G
    Sorry, but I've never tried
    to recruit new students.
[03:12] (Flashback) G
    If you really want to be my student,
[03:15] (Flashback) G
    go buy me some yakisoba bread.
[03:18] (Flashback) P
    I cannot lose
[03:20] (Flashback) P
    until I bring him this bread!
[03:24] G
    Yeah, that's me.
[03:27] ---
    Huh?
[03:28] G
    There was once this kid who came to me
    and said he wanted to be my student.
[03:33] G
    But I figured he wouldn't last
    a minute on a battlefield,
[03:35] G
    so I put him in charge of supplies.
[03:37] G
    He was all about appearances.
[03:39] G
    Everyone called him Pakuyasa.
[03:42] G
    I see.
[03:43] G
    I was wondering why this
    wasn't making sense.
[03:45] G
    So you spent a decade looking for
    the yakisoba bread supplier, huh?
[03:51] G
    He had no prowess with a sword,
    so he quickly left the battle
SIGN    White Onibito
[03:56] G
    and opened up a candy store
    called White Onibito,
[03:59] G
    but someone sued him,
[04:01] G
    so next he opened a place
    called White Pantyhose
SIGN    White Pantyhose
[04:03] G
    and was arrested for public indecency.
[04:05] G
    Now he's doing shady part-time jobs.
[04:08] G
    I wrote down his address on this.
[04:10] G
    If you want to go see him, why not—
SIGN    Pakuyasa
[04:14] G
    You're telling me that I,
    the Star Sword King,
[04:16] G
    failed to defeat one of your students
    and spent ten years searching for him?
[04:21] G
    If that's true,
[04:23] G
    then the man whose life as a
    swordsman ended at my hand
[04:27] G
    is an insect worth even less than that.
[04:29] G
    I told you, I can see you!
SIGN    Pakuyasa
[04:32] G
    You can't see a thing.
[04:34] G
    You haven't even seen the
    tip of a samurai's topknot.
[04:39] G
    If you want to know, then use that
    eyeball to look deep inside me.
[04:43] G
    It might be an abyss that you
    can never come back from.
[04:51] B
    I'll do that,
[04:53] B
    right after I cut your belly open.
[04:54] B
    Drop the act.
[04:56] B
    You deflected the blade at the
    last moment to avoid a fatal blow.
[05:00] B
    The next action you'll take is...
[05:03] B
    Below!
[05:05] B
    You'll twist your torso to avoid
    a deep wound and counterattack.
[05:08] B
    Then a spin kick to keep the pressure up.
[05:09] B
    An attack from a blind spot!
[05:16] B
    What's wrong?
[05:17] B
    Is this what's deep inside a samurai?
[05:20] B
    The old you...
[05:22] B
    No, your student, was much stronger.
[05:47] G
    This is... a projection
    of murderous intent.
[05:51] G
    He's using my eye's ability, to put pressure
    on me with just his murderous intent!
[05:55] G
    This is the same feeling as before...
[05:57] G
    Maybe it's bad to have
    vision that's too good.
[06:00] G
    If your eyes take in all that you see,
[06:03] G
    you'll be so busy looking at
    everything, you'll miss out
[06:06] G
    on what you really want to see.
[06:08] B
    I see...
[06:10] B
    What I fought back then
    wasn't your student.
[06:15] B
    It was the murderous intent behind
    him that you threw at me!
[06:22] B
    Back then,
[06:23] B
    the worldly thoughts of your overzealous
    student caused me to lose sight of you.
[06:28] B
    But this time, that won't happen.
[06:30] B
    Your target is the life of a swordsman.
[06:36] B
    And I'm after
[06:38] B
    the real you!
[06:44] B
    What does a swordsman think of when
    he realizes his own death is upon him?
[06:49] B
    What does he think of in the
    last moments before his death?
[06:54] B
    The answer... is nothing.
[06:58] B
    To accept the irrationality of death,
    a swordsman simply empties himself.
[07:03] B
    An emptiness where even true
    despair no longer exists.
[07:06] B
    Thus, when I see this emptiness in a foe,
[07:09] B
    I realize...
[07:13] B
    that I have won, and I am alive!
[07:18] G
    I'll have eggs sunny-side-up
    for breakfast tomorrow.
[07:21] B
    No!
[07:22] B
    He's still far away from death!
[07:29] G
    Too bad.
[07:30] G
    That one wasn't me, either.
[07:32] G
    I told you, your eye's too good.
[07:36] G
    Even without a giant eyeball like that,
[07:39] G
    I can see exactly what's
    inside you right now.
[07:43] G
    Want me to tell you?
[07:48] G
    You're empty.
[08:03] B
    You're the second one...
[08:05] B
    You're the second person whose
    mind my eye couldn't see.
[08:09] B
    One is a man who thinks about
    tomorrow's breakfast
[08:12] B
    as he stands next to the abyss of death.
[08:16] B
    The other is empty even as he is alive.
[08:20] B
    What is that thing to you?
[08:23] B
    Do you intend to fight it?
[08:26] G
    That's what I want to know.
[08:27] G
    I wish you could use that
    eye of yours to find out.
[08:31] B
    Even with my eye open, I couldn't
    see the outcome of a battle
[08:34] B
    between two men I don't understand.
[08:38] B
    You're a man who's lived
    with death by his side.
[08:42] B
    The death of others, your own death,
[08:44] B
    they've always been close enough
    for you to reach out and touch.
[08:48] B
    And you still live that way.
[08:51] B
    To you, breakfast and death
    aren't that different.
[08:55] B
    They're just a normal part of your life.
[09:00] B
    But to that man, there is no life or death.
[09:03] B
    How would you fight something so empty?
[09:07] G
    Unfortunately, I don't have a nice eyeball
    like you that can see this and that.
[09:13] G
    It's all I can do to pursue
    one thing in front of me.
[09:16] G
    So whether it's the abyss of death
[09:20] G
    or an empty void,
[09:22] G
    I won't fight for the manju
    offered to my grave.
[09:25] G
    I'll fight for tomorrow's breakfast.
[09:30] G
    That's all.
[09:35] B
    It's ironic.
[09:37] B
    Now that my eye is closed,
    I can see for the first time.
[09:40] B
    That's no endless abyss.
[09:42] B
    He's just endlessly stupid.
[09:53] Gu
    Shirei-sama!
[09:54] Gu
    The Hotei's been sunk, right after the Fuso!
[09:58] Gu
    What are you doing?
[09:59] Gu
    You're not fighting a fleet!
[10:01] Gu
    Just one old guy!
[10:05] A
    What's going on here?
[10:07] A
    The son, the dad...
[10:09] A
    They really look like they might
    destroy the Harusame on their own.
[10:14] A
    If this is going to be a legendary battle,
[10:17] A
    will there be anything for us to do in it?
[10:24] A
    We can say there were those who
    watched the legends' backs!
[10:31] Gu
    Hurry!
[10:32] Gu
    Protect the commander's life at any cost!
[10:38] Gu
    Commander!
SIGN    Sakamoto
SIGN    Harusame Forces
SIGN    Gintoki
SIGN    Katsura
SIGN    Takasugi's Group
SIGN    Matako, Kagura
[11:05] Gi
    Where is Shinsuke-sama?
[11:07] Gi
    Where is he?!
[11:18] Gi
    Shinsuke-sama!
[11:33] Gu
    Bansai-san!
[11:37] B
    Not yet...
[11:38] B
    Don't die yet, Shinsuke.
[11:41] (Flashback) T
    If you're going to be judged
    and die at the nation's hands,
[11:44] (Flashback) T
    why not die for me instead, Murderer Bansai?
[11:49] (Flashback) B
    Then what will you die for?
[11:53] (Flashback) T
    I won't die.
[11:55] (Flashback) T
    No matter whose corpse I need to step on,
[11:58] (Flashback) T
    I won't die until I crush this country.
[12:04] B
    That's what you bragged to me
[12:06] B
    when you were going to be
    executed the next day, right?
[12:16] Gu
    Bansai-san!
[12:19] Gu
    Oh, my...
[12:20] Gu
    It appears the Three Mad Stars
    weren't enough to stop you.
[12:27] Gu
    You can't trust stuff from space.
[12:29] Gu
    You can only trust stuff made on Earth.
[12:35] O
    I can't let any of you meet up with
    the survivors of the rebel army.
[12:42] O
    The students of Shoyo will
    never meet again in this life.
[12:49] B
    I'm sorry, Shinsuke.
[12:53] B
    I promised to use this life for your sake.
[12:58] B
    I didn't expect I'd waste it here.
[13:03] B
    Kid, you've got five minutes.
[13:06] B
    I'll hold them off.
[13:08] B
    While I do, get out of here.
[13:10] Gu
    Bansai-san, wait!
[13:13] Gu
    Sadaharu!
[13:15] B
    I see...
[13:16] B
    So you'll listen to the
    last request of a samurai?
[13:21] B
    Then, if you see him,
    will you tell him something?
[13:26] B
    Shinsuke...
[13:28] B
    This country isn't dead yet.
[13:38] B
    Even hurt, and crawling on the ground...
[13:41] B
    We're not giving up,
    but still trying to rise.
[13:45] B
    We're writhing from the pain,
[13:49] B
    but we're going forward,
    and trying to change.
[13:55] Gu
    I paid my debt.
[13:57] B
    So Shinsuke, you must rise once more, too.
[14:05] B
    You promised me, right?
[14:08] B
    Your enemy is still standing.
[14:11] B
    Your friend is still fighting!
[14:16] B
    So you must fight once more.
[14:20] B
    Become the enemy of this country as it
    is reborn and destroy it, if you want.
[14:25] B
    Or become its friend,
    and watch over its fate.
[14:34] B
    Either is fine.
[14:36] B
    But do one thing...
[14:44] B
    When you die,
[14:47] B
    die next to your friend.
[14:52] Gu
    Bansai-san!
[14:56] Gu
    Stop!
[15:29] Gu
    So he has actually
[15:32] Gu
    come back here?
[15:37] T
    The sky looked like it was
    about to cry at any minute.
[15:41] T
    I guess that's where I came down from.
[15:46] T
    I try to think back on my hazy memories...
[15:49] T
    Was I the first rain that came
    down from a gloomy sky that
[15:53] T
    could no longer hold it back?
[15:56] T
    Or was I the last rain that fell down from
    a sobbing sky that was trying to stop?
[16:04] T
    It feels like it was both,
[16:06] T
    and it feels like it was neither.
[16:11] T
    The one thing I can say
[16:15] T
    is that
[16:18] T
    I'm sick of rain.
[16:23] T
    Attention, Kiheitei.
[16:28] T
    Crush the crows!
[16:38] Gu
    Kill him!
[16:40] Gu
    Kill that man!
[16:49] Gu
    Takasugi-san!
[17:15] T
    Move.
[17:16] T
    There's someone that...
[17:18] T
    ...I have to greet before you.
[17:21] T
    Move!
[17:26] K
    I see.
[17:27] K
    Then I will clear your path.
[17:32] K
    Shake hands or punch each
    other, whichever you want!
[17:48] S
    Hey, stop egging them on!
[17:52] S
    I'm the one who has to stop their fight!
[17:55] K
    Then we should just join in!
[17:58] S
    That's a great idea!
[18:27] Gu
    Gintoki,
[18:28] Gu
    I guess humans don't change that easily, huh?
[18:33] Gu
    Even after dying,
[18:35] Gu
    even after ten years,
[18:37] Gu
    everybody's still just screwing around.
[18:42] G
    I don't think so.
[18:44] G
    Ten years ago, I would've killed you.
[18:51] K
    I see.
[18:52] K
    So you've learned to save
    your fun for later, huh?
[18:56] K
    You're all grown up.
[18:59] G
    Shove it.
SIGN    Battle on Rakuyo
    Part 6
SIGN    Ten Years
[21:19] (Flashback) ?
    So this is the end, huh?
[21:21] (Flashback) ?
    I'd rather die like a samurai
[21:24] (Flashback) ?
    than let the enemy kill me.
[21:27] (Flashback) ?
    Let's commit seppuku.
[21:30] (Flashback) ?
    Don't be stupid.
[21:33] (Flashback) ?
    Stand up.
[21:40] (Flashback) ?
    If you've got time to give
    yourself a beautiful end,
[21:43] (Flashback) ?
    then you might as well
    live beautifully to the end!
[21:54] (Flashback) ?
    Let's go, Zura.
[21:56] (Flashback) Gu
    It's not Zura.
[21:59] (Flashback) Gu
    It's Katsura.
[22:01] G
    No, that's me.
[22:03] G
    Forget "It's not Zura, it's Katsura."
[22:04] G
    It's me.
[22:07] (Flashback) S
    I see...
[22:09] (Flashback) S
    I thought it would be an
    interesting trip with you around.
[22:13] (Flashback) G
    Sorry.
[22:14] (Flashback) G
    I may not look it, but I like this planet.
[22:18] (Flashback) G
    Go off to space and kick some butt.
[22:21] (Flashback) G
    A tiny little inn doesn't suit you.
[22:24] (Flashback) G
    Toss a big net into space,
[22:26] (Flashback) G
    and go catch a star or something.
[22:29] (Flashback) S
    So what will you do now?
[22:32] (Flashback) G
    Me? Well...
[22:35] (Flashback) G
    I'm gonna do some fishing here.
[22:40] (Flashback) G
    I'll catch a shooting
    star that fell to Earth,
[22:43] (Flashback) G
    and then release it back into the sky.
[22:46] G
    No, that was also me.
[22:48] G
    That was after the Joi war ended.
[22:49] G
    And that's definitely me.
[22:57] (Flashback) Gu
    Gintoki, if I die...
[23:02] (Flashback) Gu
    Take care of Sensei.
[23:05] (Flashback) Gu
    I can only ask it of another
    good-for-nothing like me.
[23:09] (Flashback) G
    Then I'll ask another
    good-for-nothing a favor, too.
[23:13] (Flashback) G
    Don't die!
[23:17] G
    Damn it, I told you, that was me!
[23:19] G
    This episode had a badass ending,
[23:22] G
    so why are you screwing with it now?
[23:24] G
    I won't be able to keep up my
    motivation 'til next week like this!
[23:27] G
    I may not be here next week.
[23:28] G
    You okay with that?
[23:29] G
    Preview
[23:30] G
    Wait!
[23:31] G
    I'm not letting you get to the preview!
SIGN    Preview
[23:33] G
    You want to mess with people's heads
    because it's getting serious, don't you?!
[23:36] G
    Listen to me!
[23:39] G
    So what I'm saying here is...
[23:41] G
    "Don't die, buddy."
[23:44] G
    I'm back from Hell!
[23:46] G
    Go, for the things you truly
    want to protect right now!
SIGN    Battle on Rakuyo
    Part 7
[23:50] G
    I made my decision a long time ago.
SIGN    Paths
[23:53] ---
    The four legendary Joi rebels
    have gathered at last,
[23:53] ---
    but will Gintoki even be there
    ready for them next time?
[23:57] ---
    Silliness aside, the Battle on Rakuyo arc
[23:57] ---
    is nearing its climax! Don't miss it!

E323 - Paths

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:04] Tak
    I guess humans don't change that easily, huh?
[00:09] Tak
    Even after dying,
[00:11] Tak
    even after ten years,
[00:13] Tak
    everybody's still just screwing around.
[00:17] Gin
    I don't think so.
[00:19] Gin
    Ten years ago, I would've killed you.
[00:21] Kat
    I see.
[00:23] Kat
    So you've learned to save
    your fun for later, huh?
[00:27] Kat
    You're all grown up.
[00:29] Gin
    Shove it.
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    The Battle on Rakuyo
SIGN    Battle on Rakuyo Arc
    Part 7
SIGN    Paths
SIGN    Watch the Battle on Rakuyo arc in a bright room
    and at a safe distance from your TV!!
[02:08] Tak
    It seems things changed
    drastically while I was dead.
[02:14] Tak
    The guys who were trying to defend the
    country from me until just the other day
[02:18] Tak
    are being targeted by it.
[02:20] Gin
    Nothing's changed.
[02:22] Gin
    Once we take them out,
    it'll be your turn next,
[02:25] Gin
    Takasugi.
[02:26] Kat
    Until then, do the best
    you can to stay alive.
[02:31] Kat
    If you're still worth using at all, that is.
[02:34] Tak
    Hey, what the hell are they saying?
[02:38] Sak
    Translated simply, they're saying...
[02:41] Sak
    "Don't die yet, buddy."
[02:44] Sak
    "A lot has happened, but forget
    all of it for now and play ni—"
[02:47] Kat
    Who said anything of the sort?
    This interpreter sucks!
[02:50] Kat
    Bring us Toda Natsuko!
[02:51] Gin
    When did we ever play nice with that moron?!
[02:54] Gin
    I'll keep it nice and short,
    so translate it properly this time.
[02:57] Gin
    "Fck you, man. Ptoo."
[02:59] Sak
    Why'd you turn into a foreigner?
[03:01] Sak
    Mr. Takasugi, he's basically sayin'...
[03:05] Sak
    He wants to fck you.
[03:07] Gin
    Don't translate that literally!
[03:08] Gin
    Ow!
[03:08] Kat
    Over here, Mr. Sakamoto.
[03:10] Sak
    What the heck? Can't you just
    talk to each other directly?
[03:15] Kat
    Oh, sorry. I'd built up some phlegm.
[03:19] Sak
    You just wanted to spit it
    out? I'm not a spittoon!
[03:22] Kat
    You don't need to interpret.
[03:24] Kat
    Just spit some phlegm on him or something.
[03:26] Sak
    Why couldn't you just spit on him directly?!
[03:28] Sak
    Um, Mr. Takasugi...
[03:30] Tak
    Tell him I'm sending that
    phlegm right back at him.
[03:33] Sak
    Send it right back at him, then!
[03:35] Sak
    Don't use me as a middleman!
[03:36] Sak
    I'm not a phlegm interpreter!
[03:38] Sak
    Damn, this stinks!
[03:39] Sak
    One of you has really stinky spit!
[03:41] Gin
    Tell him he can't have any
    phlegm when he just woke up.
[03:42] Gin
    Hey, c'mon, stop—
[03:44] Tak
    Tell him not to blame me, but the fool who
    lives and breathes sugar all the time.
[03:45] Tak
    Seriously, your phlegm reeks!
[03:50] Kat
    Tell him I had ramen with extra
    garlic but brushed my teeth.
[03:51] Kat
     Ugh, that seriously stinks! Gross!
[03:54] Sak
    Knock it off!
[03:56] Sak
    They're the ones you need
    to be spittin' at right now!
[04:01] Tak
    So the students of the honorable
    Shoka Sonjuku school
[04:04] Tak
    are all enemies of the state now, huh?
[04:06] Gin
    That's no state.
[04:08] Gin
    That's nothing like a country.
[04:15] U
    They thirst...
[04:17] U
    The flesh and blood within me
    that once made up that man.
[04:22] U
    Are you happy or sad?
[04:30] U
    Your students, who once
    split up because of you,
[04:33] U
    have now gathered again here for you...
[04:37] U
    To be erased by you, Shoyo.
[04:42] Hen
    They even built things like that?
[04:45] Tak
    I see.
[04:46] Tak
    So that monster crow has finally been
    dragged down to a place I can reach him.
[04:51] Kat
    Takasugi, you...
[04:53] Kat
    You knew about Utsuro?
[04:57] Tak
    Maybe, maybe not.
[04:59] Tak
    But if anyone could capture a man
    so strong and kill him easily,
[05:06] Tak
    it'd have to be Sensei himself.
[05:08] Tak
    No, it'd have to be something
    else that was within him.
[05:12] (Flashback) 304
    You ended up here after losing
    your way, too, didn't you?
[05:16] (Flashback) 304
    I am the same.
[05:18] (Flashback) 304
    I'm still lost.
[05:20] (Flashback) 304
    But that's all right.
[05:22] (Flashback) 304
    Doubt yourself, lose your way,
[05:24] (Flashback) 304
    and become the kind of
    samurai you want to be.
[05:28] Tak
    Sensei was fighting something...
[05:31] Tak
    Most likely the something that was within him.
[05:35] Tak
    But he lost,
[05:37] Tak
    and only it remained.
[05:40] Tak
    And it's still acting like it owns the world,
    rebuilding countries as it pleases.
[05:46] Tak
    In that case, I'll have to keep fighting, too.
[05:50] Tak
    I don't care what you guys do from here on.
[05:53] Tak
    My mind was made up a long time ago.
[05:59] Tak
    I'll simply destroy this
    rotten world he built!
[06:10] Mat
    Shinsuke-sama!
[06:16] Ban
    Like they'd stop now.
[06:20] Ban
    Those men cannot be stopped anymore.
[06:27] Tak
    Hold the crows off!
[06:29] Gin
    We'll crush that junk!
[06:37] Kat
    That day,
[06:38] Kat
    we all made countless graves.
[06:41] Kat
    Not just for Sensei and our comrades,
[06:45] Kat
    but also for ourselves.
[06:49] Kat
    When Yoshida Shoyo died,
    his students died with him.
[06:55] Kat
    Their paths would never
    again come together...
[06:58] Kat
    Or so I thought.
[07:04] Kat
    But, even as we walked down separate paths,
[07:07] Kat
    we never strayed from Sensei's teachings.
[07:12] Kat
    Seeking the kind of samurai
    each of us wanted to be,
[07:16] Kat
    we doubted ourselves and lost our way,
[07:17] Kat
    but we never stopped walking,
[07:20] Kat
    and that's why our paths converged once more.
[07:34] Kat
    The one who brought them together
[07:36] Kat
    was none other than Sensei.
[07:52] Kat
    It might only be a fleeting chance meeting.
[08:15] Kat
    But, even if it's only momentary,
[08:19] Kat
    if we can go back to being Yoshida
    Shoyo's students once more,
[08:23] Kat
    if we can go back to
    being just friends again,
[08:26] Kat
    we couldn't ask for anything more.
[08:35] Tak
    How does it feel to be a liability
    to a guy who just left a sickbed?
[08:39] Gin
    And how does it feel to be forced to
    rely on that liability to survive?
[08:47] Gin
    It sucks.
[08:55] G
    Impossible!
[08:56] G
    They destroyed those weapons
    all by themselves?
[09:01] Mat
    Now's our chance!
[09:05] Mat
    Fight them off!
[09:07] Mat
    We're going back to Earth alive!
[09:09] Hen
    We have those four on our side!
[09:14] Sak
    Good grief.
[09:15] Sak
    Don't put us on a pedestal
    only when you need us.
[09:19] Sak
    But I have to apologize, everyone.
[09:22] Sak
    I've started to feel it doesn't matter
[09:26] Sak
    whether we win this battle or not.
[09:30] Sak
    If I just cast aside thoughts of victory and
    defeat, I can raise hell with those punks.
[09:37] Sak
    If you knew I was havin'
    pathetic thoughts like those,
[09:41] Sak
    you probably wouldn't let me
    stand by your side anymore.
[09:47] Gin
    Tatsuma!
[09:49] Sak
    Comin'!
[09:49] Sak
    Zura! Takasugi!
[09:51] Sak
    Pretend to retreat and draw the enemy in!
[09:54] Sak
    Gintoki!
[09:56] Sak
    Use that chance to get past 'em!
[10:01] Sak
    We didn't come all this way
    just to help an old pal.
[10:05] Sak
    Gintoki...
[10:06] Sak
    Use your old pals to help
    the new ones you've found
[10:11] Sak
    who'll support our country's future!
[10:14] Sak
    Your old friends will take
    on the country of old.
[10:18] Sak
    You lead your new friends to the new one.
[10:21] Sak
    We'll be all right now.
[10:24] Sak
    Go, for the people you truly
    want to protect right now!
[10:29] Tak
    Have you all lost your minds?
[10:34] Tak
    Brat.
[10:35] Tak
    I didn't save your life for that crap.
[10:40] Tak
    Don't let anyone else take his head.
[10:44] Tak
    246 wins, 246 losses,
[10:47] Tak
    and one draw...
[10:49] Tak
    Next time, the country
    or whatever won't matter.
[10:52] Tak
    I'll mop up everything else
[10:53] Tak
    and come for his head alone.
[10:56] Tak
    So, until then...
[11:01] Tak
    ...take care...
[11:02] Tak
    ...of our friend.
[11:06] Shin
    Got it!
[11:21] Sak
    This is for the best.
[11:23] Sak
    Even if we never meet again,
[11:27] Sak
    we'll be friends who can stand by you with
    our heads held high until the very last.
[11:36] U
    Prepare to land.
[11:39] U
    It seems I have to correct
    my students' failings myself.
[11:43] U
    Sir.
[11:44] O
    Utsuro-sama.
[11:46] O
    I promise to bring you their heads.
[11:53] O
    I, Oboro, am also your student.
[11:57] O
    Allow me to perform one
    last act of loyalty for you.
[12:02] G
    Come in!
[12:04] G
    This is the 9th Division!
[12:05] G
    Requesting immediate help!
[12:07] G
    The enemy's counterattack has dealt great
    damage to both the 9th and 10th Divisions!
[12:12] U
    Was it Umibozu?
[12:14] G
    Not just him.
[12:15] G
    There could be someone else on the move.
[12:18] G
    We've received word that our rear guard
    has been attacked by an unknown unit!
[12:24] G
    And, while we haven't confirmed it,
[12:25] G
    we've also received word
    that it was just one man.
[12:28] U
    Oh?
[12:29] G
    Anyway, send hel—
[12:35] Abu
    Hey.
[12:41] Abu
    Where am I?
[12:42] Abu
    Is this Hell?
[12:44] Umi
    There's definitely a seat reserved
    for me in Hell after all this,
[12:48] Umi
    but I unfortunately still
    have my legs and hair.
[12:51] Abu
    Uh, you don't have any hair.
[12:55] Abu
    It's only a matter of time.
[12:57] Abu
    Our ride's almost here.
[13:01] Umi
    If you've got time for
    idle chatter, why not run?
[13:06] Abu
    Umibozu, are you really here
    to kill your stupid son?
[13:13] Abu
    If you are, why would you protect us?
[13:17] Abu
    What the hell did you come here to fight?
[13:22] Umi
    Don't ask me.
[13:24] Umi
    It's pathetic, right?
[13:26] Umi
    Even if I can take out thousands
    of enemies in front of me,
[13:29] Umi
    I have no idea how to have
    a proper father-son fight.
[13:34] Umi
    The only way I know to show my love
    and hatred is with this thing.
[13:39] G
    Bring my weapon!
[13:41] G
    Umibozu, the living legend.
[13:44] G
    A worthy opponent indeed.
[13:46] G
    I am the 1st Division commander who has
    kept the Harusame going for a long time,
[13:51] G
    the Beast King, Shirei!
[13:52] G
    Can you take my attack...
[14:03] Kam
    Pull yourself together, Commander.
[14:07] Kam
    How could you mess up
    receiving your own weapon?
[14:10] Kam
    But don't worry.
[14:12] Kam
    I'll finish your job for you.
[14:16] Kam
    Umibozu, the living legend.
[14:19] Kam
    A worthy opponent indeed.
[14:21] Kam
    Replacing 1st Division Commander
    Shirei as your opponent
[14:25] Kam
    is the 7th Division commander,
[14:28] Kam
    your stupid son.
[14:47] G
    Y-You're...
[14:50] G
    Kamui!
[14:52] G
    Kill him!
[14:58] Kam
    Didn't you hear me?
[14:59] Kam
    I'm saying I'll take over
    your commander's job!
[15:08] Kam
    The enemy's over there.
[15:10] Kam
    Now, charge.
[15:24] Umi
    Don't throw things at people.
[15:32] Umi
    Don't point sharp objects at people.
[15:40] Umi
    I'm back from Hell
[15:42] Umi
    to fight you,
[15:45] Umi
    baldy!
[15:48] Umi
    Don't call me baldy.
[15:50] Umi
    Call me your cool-headed dad!
[15:59] Abu
    Commander! Umibozu!
[16:02] Abu
    Calm down!
[16:03] Abu
    This is not the time!
[16:17] Abu
    It begins...
[16:26] Abu
    The universe's worst father-son fight.
[16:34] Abu
    Nobody can stop it now!
[16:43] (Flashback) Umi
    Kamui.
[16:46] (Flashback) Umi
    Grow strong.
[16:48] (Flashback) Umi
    And protect Mom and Kagura.
[16:56] Kam
    Look at me, Umibozu.
[16:59] Kam
    I've grown strong.
[17:04] Kam
    Ever since then, I've desperately
    tried to follow in your footsteps.
[17:08] Kam
    Ever since then, I've kept
    fighting just to surpass you.
[17:13] Kam
    Look at me, Umibozu.
[17:16] Kam
    I've grown strong enough to kill you.
[17:24] Kam
    So go back to being a beast once again!
[17:29] Kam
    We're not father and son tied by blood here.
[17:34] Kam
    We both want to prove we're
    stronger than the other...
[17:38] Kam
    We're just two male beasts!
[17:40] Kam
    There isn't anyone who can stop us now...
[17:55] Kag
    No matter how many times you start this
    nonsense, I'll stop you each time.
[18:01] Kag
    Let's go back
[18:03] Kag
    to being just family.
[18:07] Shin
    Outta the way!
[18:10] Shin
    Where are you, Kagura-chan?!
[18:12] Shin
    If you're here, answer me!
[18:15] Gin
    Pachi-boy.
[18:16] Gin
    There's only one man who could pull
    this crap against this many people.
[18:22] Shin
    Umibozu-san...
[18:24] Shin
    He really does want to protect Kamui-san
    from the Harusame, not just stop him.
[18:30] Gin
    I don't know.
[18:31] Gin
    Whatever the old man wants,
[18:33] Gin
    that stupid son won't stop anymore.
[18:36] Gin
    If he's alive, he'll definitely
    come for his head.
[18:39] Gin
    And Kagura will definitely be there.
[18:42] Gin
    Let's hurry.
[18:43] Gin
    The Harusame's troops are
    starting to withdraw now.
[18:46] Gin
    That family of monsters are the last
    ones I expect to go down easily,
[18:50] Gin
    but the Harusame would never
    ignore them and retreat.
[18:56] Gin
    I've got a bad feeling about this.
[19:00] Kag
    Lower your fists, both of you.
[19:03] Kag
    It's still not too late.
[19:06] Kag
    We can still go back.
[19:09] Umi
    Kagura.
[19:10] Kam
    No, it is too late.
[19:18] Umi
    Kagura!
[19:22] Kam
    Your family doesn't exist anymore!
[19:26] Kam
    The older brother you knew
    doesn't exist anymore!
[19:30] Kam
    The father you know won't exist soon, either.
[19:33] Kam
    I thank you, sister of mine.
[19:36] Kam
    If his daughter dies in front of his eyes,
[19:38] Kam
    that beast may awaken once more!
[19:41] Umi
    Kamui!
[19:47] Kag
    The kid sister you knew doesn't
    exist anymore, either.
[19:55] Kag
    You're the only one who
    hasn't changed, Kamui.
[20:00] Kag
    You haven't grown strong at all!
[20:07] Kag
    You're the same sniveling guy
    you were when Daddy left us.
[20:11] Kag
    The same guy who put on a
    brave face in front of Mommy.
[20:16] Kag
    Nothing's changed at all.
[20:19] Kag
    Mommy and everybody else left you behind,
[20:24] Kag
    so you're sniveling and
    putting on a brave face.
[20:26] Kag
    You're the same old crybaby brother of mine.
[20:34] Kag
    You stupid brother!
[20:36] Kag
    I'm no longer the sister you knew, who
    only shed tears with you by your side!
[20:42] Kag
    I can now stand shoulder-to-shoulder,
    fight, and shed blood with you!
[20:50] Kag
    So...
[20:52] Kag
    Come back to us, Kamui!
[20:56] Kag
    It's not that baldy old man you should
    be raising your fists against!
[21:01] Kag
    You should be pointing them somewhere else!
[21:07] Kag
    I'll fight with you, so...
[21:12] Umi
    Stop...
[21:16] Umi
    Stop it...
[21:19] Umi
    That's enough.
[21:20] Umi
    Please, just stop!
[21:23] Abu
    Umibozu...
[21:34] Abu
    Umibozu!
[21:53] Kag
    Daddy!
[22:00] Kag
    Daddy!
SIGN    Battle on Rakuyo Arc
    Part 8
[23:49] Umi
    I'm talking about the woman
    I risked my life to court.
SIGN    Master of Kouan
SIGN    The mysterious babe who makes a cameo in the OP.
SIGN    Her identity will be revealed next week...
SIGN    Actually, it feels like the ED's totally spoiled it already,
SIGN    but we'll do our best to pretend nobody's noticed.

E324 - Master of Kouan

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:06] (Flashback) Ub
    "The strongest man in the universe."
[00:08] (Flashback) Ub
    The people who call me that
    are but frogs in the well.
[00:13] (Flashback) Ub
    The universe is a big place.
[00:15] (Flashback) Ub
    A planet is no more than one of
    innumerable specks of sand within it,
[00:19] (Flashback) Ub
    and the world one can see in a lifetime
    is no more than a tiny part of the whole.
[00:24] (Flashback) M
    You mean to say there are
    many more stronger than you?
[00:27] (Flashback) M
    But you must've been the strongest
    man in the world my father saw.
[00:32] (Flashback) M
    Otherwise, he...
[00:33] (Flashback) M
    The captain of the Chidori Space Pirates
    wouldn't entrust his dear daughter to you,
[00:38] (Flashback) M
    Umibozu.
[00:40] (Flashback) M
    Or should I say, my father's
    old friend, Kanko?
[00:44] (Flashback) M
    You needn't say a thing.
[00:46] (Flashback) M
    I, Mutsu, shall withdraw our request myself.
[00:50] (Flashback) M
    You are far too great a man to
    be teaching someone like me.
[00:53] (Flashback) M
    But, whenever you feel like it,
[00:55] (Flashback) M
    would you come chat with this
    ignorant, sheltered bird in a cage?
[01:02] (Flashback) M
    And tell me about the innumerable specks
    of sand you have seen with your eyes?
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    The Battle on Rakuyo
SIGN    Battle on Rakuyo Arc
    Part 8
SIGN    Master of Kouan
SIGN    Watch the Battle on Rakuyo arc in a bright room
    and at a safe distance from your TV!!
[02:45] U
    I sensed from the start that
    things between you and me
[02:48] U
    would eventually come to this point.
[02:52] U
    And, having met you, I think
    I have found my answer...
[02:55] U
    As to why, despite building an
    advanced interstellar civilization,
[02:59] U
    we still don't stop fighting.
[03:03] U
    It has nothing to do with
    standpoints, views, or creeds.
[03:08] U
    It comes from our fundamental
    nature as creatures.
[03:11] U
    No matter how far we evolve,
[03:14] U
    our psyche may always force us to determine
[03:16] U
    which of us are predators,
    and which of us are prey.
[03:21] U
    And when it comes to two creatures
    at the top of the food chain...
[03:27] Ub
    The strongest man in the universe?
[03:29] Ub
    Are you one of those fools who
    keep talking about that crap, too?
[03:33] Ub
    Well, I'm sorry, but I have
    no interest in that title.
[03:37] Ub
    Begone!
[03:39] Ub
    I don't care what happens to the world.
[03:41] Ub
    Even if I am a frog,
[03:43] Ub
    I will protect the well I live in,
    even if it kills me.
[03:49] Ub
    I'm fine with being just a frog.
[03:52] U
    You are no frog in the well.
[03:56] U
    As someone who has seen the rise and
    fall of many a species, I guarantee it.
[04:02] U
    But that's exactly why I know that,
[04:04] U
    even if you are a
    once-in-a-millennium warrior,
[04:09] U
    you cannot escape the principles of life.
[04:12] U
    Indeed, you will inevitably fall someday.
[04:17] U
    Because I have escaped
    the principles of life,
[04:20] U
    and you ended up standing in my way.
[04:26] Sak
    Mutsu! Hurry!
[04:32] (Flashback) UB
    Someone stronger than me?
[04:34] (Flashback) M
    Yes.
[04:35] (Flashback) M
    If you say that even you can't
    be called the strongest,
[04:38] (Flashback) M
    have you met anyone worthy of the title?
[04:41] (Flashback) UB
    Hosen, whom I fought when I was
    younger, was pretty strong.
[04:44] (Flashback) UB
    But that's only if we're talking
    about creatures like us.
[04:49] (Flashback) UB
    The things I've fought in my life as a hunter
[04:51] (Flashback) UB
    were all beyond comparable
    concepts such as strength.
[04:54] (Flashback) UB
    Could you compare anyone's strength
    to that of a typhoon or tsunami?
[04:57] (Flashback) M
    There's no need to.
[04:59] (Flashback) M
    Nobody else could stop a natural
    disaster by themselves.
[05:06] (Flashback) M
    I've heard of it, you know.
[05:07] (Flashback) M
    How you earned the title of "strongest."
[05:11] (Flashback) M
    The reason Yato hail you as a hero.
[05:15] (Flashback) M
    About the battle in which
    Umibozu took back our home.
[05:20] (Flashback) M
    The Yato's home planet, Kouan,
[05:22] (Flashback) M
    suffered an all-out attack by the
    Allied Planets during the Great War
[05:25] (Flashback) M
    and was destroyed along with many Yato.
[05:30] (Flashback) M
    Altana began to gush out of the ground,
[05:33] (Flashback) M
    and the ruined planet became
    a nest for mutant creatures.
[05:40] (Flashback) M
    Among them was something that made
    people call Kouan the planet of death...
[05:48] (Flashback) M
    The planetary parasite Orochi,
    considered the Master of Kouan.
[05:52] (Flashback) M
    It fed on the Altana
    reserves, grew 108 heads,
[05:56] (Flashback) M
    and eliminated anyone who
    dared approach its nest.
[06:00] (Flashback) M
    Everyone abandoned the place
[06:01] (Flashback) M
    and didn't approach it for centuries,
    but one man charged into its nest alone
[06:05] (Flashback) M
    and took back the Yato's home...
[06:08] (Flashback) M
    That was you, Umibozu, was it not?
[06:12] (Flashback) UB
    Took back our home?
[06:15] (Flashback) UB
    I just lost a bet with a friend.
[06:18] (Flashback) UB
    I said I'd go to our deserted home and hit
    on a woman if I lost a drinking battle.
[06:27] (Flashback) UB
    I'd never experienced
    anything like it before.
[06:30] (Flashback) UB
    The moment I saw them,
[06:34] (Flashback) UB
    it stood up.
[06:38] (Flashback) M
    Stood up?
[06:39] (Flashback) M
    What did?
[06:40] (Flashback) UB
    I guess it was too early for you, kid.
[06:42] (Flashback) UB
    Well, you could call it my instinct.
[06:45] (Flashback) UB
    The moment I laid eyes on them,
[06:46] (Flashback) UB
    my genes immediately came to a conclusion.
[06:49] (Flashback) UB
    "You're going to die."
[06:51] (Flashback) UB
    "Hurry up and make some babies," they said.
[07:00] (Flashback) UB
    I went after them again and again,
    but I just couldn't break through.
[07:05] (Flashback) UB
    It felt like I was fighting
    the earth I stood on.
[07:09] (Flashback) UB
    Like I was a mere insect
    going up against a planet.
[07:14] (Flashback) M
    Your genes admitted defeat before you did?
[07:17] (Flashback) UB
    Simply put, I felt fear for
    the first time in my life.
[07:22] (Flashback) UB
    But, as much as his genes
    may cry out in terror,
[07:25] (Flashback) UB
    a man cannot cry until his battle is over.
[07:28] (Flashback) UB
    So I told my right ball...
[07:31] UB
    Quit rattling.
[07:33] UB
    Lefty, you shut up and watch, too.
[07:35] UB
    I planted my seeds a long time ago.
[07:38] UB
    My best ones, in fact.
[07:40] UB
    So let me fight! Let me protect my family!
[08:00] (Flashback) M
    I don't believe it.
[08:02] (Flashback) M
    You suppressed your instincts by force?
[08:06] (Flashback) UB
    Thanks to that, my worldly desires died down,
[08:08] (Flashback) UB
    and I could hit on the
    woman with a clear mind.
[08:10] (Flashback) M
    The woman?
[08:11] (Flashback) M
    Was the Orochi female?
[08:13] (Flashback) UB
    What are you talking about?
[08:15] (Flashback) UB
    Why would I crush one of my balls
    to fight a scrub like that?
[08:20] UB
    Is that arm regenerating?
[08:23] (Flashback) UB
    Like I said,
[08:24] (Flashback) UB
    I was on that planet to hit on a woman.
[08:27] UB
    I see.
[08:29] UB
    I knew it...
[08:31] UB
    You really are just like her.
    A being of Altana...
[08:34] (Flashback) M
    Who are you talking about?
[08:34] U
    Who are you talking about?
[08:46] UB
    I'm talking about the woman
    I risked my life to court.
[09:06] (Flashback) UB
    On the Yato's home planet, which had
    fallen to ruin a long time ago,
[09:09] (Flashback) UB
    on the planet of death...
[09:13] (Flashback) UB
    There stood a woman.
[09:29] (Flashback) UB
    And I, too, stood tall.
[09:34] (Flashback) UB
    I can't believe there
    really was someone here.
[09:39] (Flashback) UB
    Hey, wait!
[09:41] (Flashback) Ko
    This planet isn't dead or anything.
[09:44] (Flashback) Ko
    It may have become uninhabitable for people,
[09:46] (Flashback) Ko
    but these guys still live here,
    eating the rotten earth,
[09:49] (Flashback) Ko
    those guys still live here,
    drinking the rotten water,
[09:53] (Flashback) Ko
    and I still live here.
[09:55] (Flashback) Ko
    All that happened was that one species
    among many on this planet died out.
[10:00] (Flashback) Ko
    You shouldn't judge an entire
    planet by your standards alone.
[10:04] (Flashback) Ko
    Leave.
[10:06] (Flashback) Ko
    I don't want to erase another life
    from this planet to save an intruder.
[10:11] (Flashback) Ko
    I must put them to sleep.
[10:14] (Flashback) UB
    That's when I learned
[10:17] (Flashback) UB
    that "Master of Kouan"
[10:22] (Flashback) UB
    referred to that woman.
[10:25] (Flashback) UB
    Hey, wai—
[10:36] (Flashback) UB
    I said wait!
[10:40] (Flashback) UB
    Out of my way!
[10:45] (Flashback) UB
    Listen to me!
[10:51] (Flashback) UB
    "That woman is dangerous."
[10:53] (Flashback) UB
    That's what my instincts told me.
[10:55] (Flashback) UB
    But, at the same time, they
    were also telling me this...
[10:58] (Flashback) UB
    H-Hey, lady.
[11:01] (Flashback) UB
    If you don't mind, why don't
    we forget about this Orochi
[11:03] (Flashback) UB
    and go take out the Orochi in my pants?
[11:09] (Flashback) UB
    "She is the one."
[11:12] (Flashback) UB
    For three days and three nights, she kept
    fighting to put the Orochi to sleep.
[11:17] (Flashback) UB
    And I kept trying to woo her in order
    to put the Orochi in my pants to sleep.
[11:25] (Flashback) UB
    Why don't we go get some coffee?
[11:28] (Flashback) UB
    But she paid no heed to me at all.
[11:38] (Flashback) UB
    Just as she took out the 59th head
    and the Orochi began to retreat,
[11:47] (Flashback) UB
    I suppressed my last Orochi, too.
[11:51] (Flashback) UB
    There was something I wanted to tell her not
    out of instinct, but with my own words.
[11:56] (Flashback) UB
    My name is Kanko.
[11:59] (Flashback) UB
    I'll ask your name next
    time I'm here or something.
[12:02] (Flashback) UB
    If the Master of Kouan will
    let me come here, that is.
[12:06] (Flashback) Ko
    Did you tag along all this
    while just to say that?
[12:10] (Flashback) UB
    When you visit someone else's home,
[12:12] (Flashback) UB
    it's common courtesy to first knock
    on their door and introduce yourself.
[12:15] (Flashback) UB
    Sorry for causing a fuss.
[12:17] (Flashback) UB
    Tell your family I apologize, Master.
[12:23] (Flashback) Ko
    This isn't someone else's home.
[12:25] (Flashback) Ko
    It's your homeland.
[12:27] (Flashback) Ko
    If you want to come back, feel free.
[12:30] (Flashback) Ko
    Though, as far as I know,
[12:32] (Flashback) Ko
    you're the only weirdo who's ever come
    back here, let alone knocked on the door.
[12:39] (Flashback) Ko
    The Orochi wasn't trying to get rid of you.
[12:42] (Flashback) Ko
    It just got excited and wanted to play.
[12:45] (Flashback) Ko
    We thought everyone had
    forgotten this planet,
[12:47] (Flashback) Ko
    but there was someone out
    there who remembered us.
[12:50] (Flashback) Ko
    Maybe that made it happy.
[12:53] (Flashback) Ko
    Also, I'm not the Master of Kouan.
[12:57] (Flashback) Ko
    I'm Kouka.
[13:00] (Flashback) UB
    After that, I began going home regularly.
[13:04] (Flashback) UB
    At some point, the Orochi
    stopped attacking me.
[13:10] (Flashback) Ko
    Maybe it accepted you as part of this planet,
[13:14] (Flashback) Ko
    or maybe it accepted you as its new master.
[13:17] (Flashback) Ko
    You might actually be suited to the role.
[13:20] (Flashback) UB
    There's nothing good to eat.
[13:22] (Flashback) UB
    All you can find here is
    rotten earth and water.
[13:25] (Flashback) UB
    I wouldn't even last ten days here.
[13:27] (Flashback) UB
    Kouka, why do you stay here?
[13:30] (Flashback) Ko
    I'm the same as you all.
[13:36] (Flashback) Ko
    You abandoned the planet because
    you couldn't live here anymore.
[13:41] (Flashback) Ko
    I can't live anywhere but here.
[13:44] (Flashback) Ko
    That's why I remain.
[13:46] (Flashback) Ko
    The few Yato who survived the Great
    War scattered to other planets.
[13:52] (Flashback) Ko
    But there were some who chose
    to die with their home.
[13:57] (Flashback) Ko
    Most of them died sooner than
    they normally would have.
[14:01] (Flashback) Ko
    However, some among them could
    adapt to this harsh environment.
[14:06] (Flashback) Ko
    I am a descendant of that admirable clan,
[14:09] (Flashback) Ko
    its sole survivor.
[14:11] (Flashback) Ko
    If it came down to it, I could even
    eat your stinky boots to survive.
[14:16] (Flashback) Ko
    I'd rather die, though.
[14:18] (Flashback) UB
    If you don't have any family or friends here,
[14:21] (Flashback) UB
    you don't have a reason to live
    alone here, eating boots to survive.
[14:25] (Flashback) Ko
    But I don't have a reason
    to leave, either, do I?
[14:28] (Flashback) UB
    Any other place would be
    heaven compared to this.
[14:31] (Flashback) UB
    Besides,
[14:33] (Flashback) UB
    aren't you lonely?
[14:35] (Flashback) Ko
    Lonely?
[14:37] (Flashback) Ko
    The thought never crossed my mind.
[14:39] (Flashback) Ko
    Could something like that
    be a reason to leave?
[14:44] (Flashback) Ko
    Even if it could,
[14:45] (Flashback) Ko
    I forgot a long time ago when you're
    supposed to feel that emotion.
[14:51] (Flashback) Ko
    I was born and raised on this planet.
[14:54] (Flashback) Ko
    No baby hates the cradle it slept in, right?
[14:59] (Flashback) Ko
    I don't know how you see it,
[15:01] (Flashback) Ko
    but I quite enjoy this life, where I get
    to hog an entire planet and do as I please.
[15:08] (Flashback) Ko
    Also, it's not like I can't have fun here.
[15:11] (Flashback) Ko
    I can read all the books on the planet,
[15:13] (Flashback) Ko
    sing at the top of my lungs
    without worrying about anyone,
[15:17] (Flashback) Ko
    and toy with the occasional
    invader that shows up.
[15:24] (Flashback) UB
    I always told her stories about
    all the planets I'd visited.
[15:29] (Flashback) UB
    I thought she'd find them interesting
    because she'd never set foot off of Kouan.
[15:35] (Flashback) UB
    And she always listened to me
    with a bored look on her face.
[15:48] (Flashback) UB
    But then, one day...
[15:50] (Flashback) Ko
    Kanko.
[15:52] (Flashback) Ko
    Enough.
[15:54] (Flashback) Ko
    I've grown sick of listening.
[15:58] (Flashback) Ko
    I want to see another
    planet with my own eyes.
[16:01] (Flashback) UB
    B-But you...
[16:04] (Flashback) Ko
    I don't mind if it's from afar.
[16:07] (Flashback) Ko
    Would you take me?
[16:12] (Flashback) UB
    She gazed at it without saying a word,
[16:15] (Flashback) UB
    wearing the same bored expression as always.
[16:18] (Flashback) UB
    But she gazed at it intently,
    without budging an inch.
[16:22] (Flashback) UB
    Is it pretty?
[16:24] (Flashback) UB
    That's what most planets
    people live on look like.
[16:28] (Flashback) UB
    Have you heard of Earth?
[16:29] (Flashback) Ko
    Earth?
[16:31] (Flashback) UB
    Apparently, it's a remote planet
    that's still developing,
[16:34] (Flashback) UB
    but it's blessed with clear
    water and fertile land,
[16:37] (Flashback) UB
    and is said to be very beautiful.
[16:41] (Flashback) UB
    Would you like to go see Earth with me?
[16:47] (Flashback) UB
    No, not just Earth.
[16:49] (Flashback) UB
    If there's anywhere you want to go,
[16:51] (Flashback) UB
    the great Umibozu will bring you away
    from that rotten planet and take you.
[16:56] (Flashback) UB
    So, be my... m-my...
[17:02] (Flashback) UB
    Be my, uh, partner!
[17:05] (Flashback) UB
    Y-Yeah! My business partner!
[17:07] (Flashback) UB
    If we teamed up, we could be the
    strongest alien hunters ever!
[17:10] (Flashback) UB
    Don't you agree?
[17:12] (Flashback) Ko
    Partner, huh?
[17:14] (Flashback) Ko
    That doesn't sound bad.
[17:16] (Flashback) Ko
    If that were possible,
[17:20] (Flashback) Ko
    I bet it'd be really fun.
[17:26] (Flashback) UB
    That day...
[17:27] (Flashback) UB
    Even though she never used to see me off,
[17:30] (Flashback) UB
    she didn't take her eyes
    off my ship as it flew off.
[17:54] (Flashback) UB
    It didn't hit me until then.
[17:56] (Flashback) UB
    The reason she never used to see me off.
[18:00] (Flashback) UB
    The reason she saw me off that day.
[18:03] (Flashback) UB
    I spent twelve whole days looking everywhere,
[18:05] (Flashback) UB
    but I couldn't find her.
[18:15] (Flashback) UB
    That's when I saw the
    Orochi standing silently.
[18:25] (Flashback) Ko
    This is a problem.
[18:28] (Flashback) Ko
    When did you tame the Orochi to this extent?
[18:34] (Flashback) Ko
    I wasn't going to see you anymore.
[18:37] (Flashback) Ko
    Why'd you come here?
[18:40] (Flashback) Ko
    Didn't I tell you that I belong to the
    clan that would die with this planet?
[18:46] (Flashback) Ko
    I've lived all my life by myself.
[18:48] (Flashback) Ko
    I have to live by myself.
[18:53] (Flashback) Ko
    So why?
[18:57] (Flashback) Ko
    Why do you remind me of these feelings?
[19:03] (Flashback) UB
    I'm sorry, Kouka.
[19:05] (Flashback) UB
    But I'm the same as you.
[19:08] (Flashback) UB
    Even if I'm on a planet bustling with life,
[19:11] (Flashback) UB
    even if I have thousands of people around me,
[19:15] (Flashback) UB
    I still feel lonely without you by my side.
[19:25] (Flashback) UB
    I don't want to let you die alone.
[19:28] (Flashback) UB
    If you want to stay here, then so will I.
[19:33] (Flashback) UB
    If you want to go somewhere else,
[19:35] (Flashback) UB
    I'll go anywhere with you.
[19:38] (Flashback) UB
    So...
[19:39] (Flashback) UB
    Die with me, Kouka.
[19:46] (Flashback) Ko
    I'm betraying my clan.
[19:51] (Flashback) Ko
    I feel like the planet's asking me
    if I'm going to abandon it, too.
[19:59] (Flashback) UB
    Really?
[20:11] (Flashback) UB
    If you ask me,
[20:13] (Flashback) UB
    it looks like it's thanking you.
[20:17] (Flashback) UB
    Like it's saying, "thanks for everything."
[20:29] (Flashback) M
    I see.
[20:30] (Flashback) M
    Legend calls you a hero who took the Yato
    home from the monstrous "Master of Kouan,"
[20:37] (Flashback) M
    but you were actually a Casanova who wooed
    her and took her from the dying planet?
[20:44] (Flashback) UB
    Legend, my foot.
[20:47] (Flashback) UB
    The strongest creature the
    great Umibozu ever encountered
[20:51] (Flashback) UB
    can be found all over the universe...
[20:54] (Flashback) UB
    A wife.
[20:56] (Flashback) UB
    And I, just like every other
    pitiful man in the universe,
[20:59] (Flashback) UB
    ended up under my wife's thumb, basically.
[21:03] (Flashback) M
    That's hilarious.
[21:05] (Flashback) M
    The strongest man in the universe
    was the weakest in his household?
[21:09] (Flashback) UB
    Don't laugh.
[21:11] (Flashback) UB
    A household is a whole other universe.
[21:14] (Flashback) M
    But it's a fine legend.
[21:16] (Flashback) M
    Rather than stories about lonesome
    monsters dying all alone,
[21:20] (Flashback) M
    I prefer ordinary stories about finding
    companionship, parenthood, and a family.
[21:31] (Flashback) UB
    You can say that again.
[21:33] (Flashback) UB
    Building a legend of being
    the strongest means nothing.
[21:36] (Flashback) UB
    Building such ordinary happiness
    is far more valuable.
[21:43] (Flashback) UB
    I knew nothing back then.
[21:48] (Flashback) UB
    I can't live anywhere but this planet.
[21:52] (Flashback) UB
    Not even what her words truly meant.
[21:56] (Flashback) UB
    I'm neither a hero nor a father.
[22:01] Kam
    He's a murderer.
[22:03] Kam
    That man killed our mother.
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Preview
[23:44] UB
    I'll take care of Mom's illness somehow.
[23:46] Ko
    Good grief. He inherited all your stupidity.
[23:49] Kam
    Take us away.
SIGN    Battle on Rakuyo Arc
    Part 9
[23:51] Kam
    Take Mom and me away from this planet.
SIGN    The Lost Rabbit
SIGN    To protect his family, the young Kamui sought something.
SIGN    His earnest desire grows twisted with time...
SIGN    Can the bald old man reform his stupid son?
SIGN    And how will his fight with the monster that barged in end?

E325 - The Lost Rabbit

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:06] Kam
    Our mother was a mutant created by the
    outpouring of Altana on Planet Kouan...
[00:13] Kam
    An immortal who never would've died
    so long as she'd stayed on that planet.
[00:18] Kam
    There's no telling just how long
    she'd lived there all by herself.
[00:26] Kam
    But one thing's for sure:
[00:28] Kam
    that man made that solitary
    flower wither and die.
[00:33] Kam
    What killed our mother
[00:36] Kam
    was our father.
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    The Battle on Rakuyo
SIGN    Battle on Rakuyo Arc
    Part 9
SIGN    The Lost Rabbit
SIGN    Watch the Battle on Rakuyo arc in a bright room
    and at a safe distance from your TV!!
[02:21] (Flashback) Kam
    Don't ever mouth off at me again.
[02:23] (Flashback) Kam
    If you do, you won't get off this lightly.
[02:25] (Flashback) G
    We'll say it as many times as it takes!
[02:27] (Flashback) G
    Get out of this town already!
[02:29] (Flashback) UB
    Hey!
[02:30] (Flashback) UB
    What are you guys doing?!
[02:32] (Flashback) G
    Crap, it's Umibozu!
[02:34] (Flashback) G
    Run away!
[02:35] (Flashback) Kam
    Dad!
[02:37] (Flashback) UB
    Don't bully the weak!
[02:41] (Flashback) Kam
    It was eight-on-one.
[02:43] (Flashback) Kam
    I was the one being bullied.
[02:45] (Flashback) UB
    Eight ants can't bully an elephant.
[02:47] (Flashback) UB
    Don't use the Yato's inherent
    strength for no reason.
[02:49] (Flashback) Kam
    You told me to grow stronger.
[02:51] (Flashback) UB
    What kind of brother gets his dear
    kid sister mixed up in a fight?
[02:55] (Flashback) UB
    Right, Kagura-chan?
[02:58] (Flashback) UB
    I was wrong! There were two elephants!
[03:01] (Flashback) Kam
    But those guys called Mom a pathogen,
    even though they don't know anything.
[03:08] (Flashback) Kam
    Dad, just what is Mom's illness?
[03:11] (Flashback) Kam
    Will she really get better?
[03:13] (Flashback) Kam
    Is there nothing I can do to help?
[03:18] (Flashback) UB
    Don't worry.
[03:19] (Flashback) UB
    Do you have any idea how much you're
    helping just by staying by her side?
[03:23] (Flashback) UB
    I'll take care of Mom's illness.
[03:26] (Flashback) UB
    So stop being reckless.
[03:30] Kam
    I felt like I wasn't being taken seriously.
[03:34] Kam
    And I thought Mom's illness wasn't healing,
[03:36] Kam
    and that he stopped coming home frequently,
[03:39] Kam
    because I lacked strength.
[03:43] (Flashback) UB
    Grow stronger.
[03:46] Kam
    So I tried to get stronger.
[04:01] (Flashback) Ko
    Kamui, you got into another
    fight, didn't you?
[04:03] (Flashback) Kam
    N-No, I didn't!
[04:04] (Flashback) Ko
    You're starting to resemble him.
[04:06] (Flashback) Ko
    You suck at lying.
[04:08] (Flashback) Ko
    Keep doing that, and you'll go bald.
[04:09] (Flashback) Kam
    As if!
[04:10] (Flashback) Ko
    Come here.
[04:12] (Flashback) Kam
    N-No.
[04:13] (Flashback) Ko
    Oh, so there is something you didn't inherit.
[04:15] (Flashback) Ko
    The baldy has no problem being
    babied when he needs it.
[04:19] (Flashback) Kag
    How nice.
[04:20] (Flashback) Kag
    Me, too!
[04:22] (Flashback) Ko
    It's big bro's turn today.
[04:24] (Flashback) Ko
    Good grief. You inherited all his stupidity.
[04:30] (Flashback) Ko
    I'm so sorry...
[04:32] (Flashback) Ko
    For making you bear so many
    burdens on this tiny back.
[04:36] (Flashback) Ko
    I became one with him because
    I wanted to be by his side.
[04:42] (Flashback) Ko
    I wanted to be by your side
    after you were born.
[04:47] (Flashback) Ko
    So, Kamui,
[04:49] (Flashback) Ko
    you two stay the way you are.
[04:55] Kam
    I started to understand even
    less what it meant to be strong.
[04:59] (Flashback) G
    Those guys...
[05:00] (Flashback) G
    It's the Harusame.
[05:04] (Flashback) G
    Here comes our sandbag.
[05:09] (Flashback) Kam
    Kagura!
[05:10] (Flashback) Kam
    Don't bully Kamui!
[05:12] (Flashback) Kam
    We promised Mommy we wouldn't
    make her worry anymore!
[05:15] (Flashback) Kam
    We promised we'd always be together!
[05:18] (Flashback) G
    Shut up, runt!
[05:21] (Flashback) Kam
    Kagura!
[05:28] (Flashback) Abu
    People on this planet don't teach
    their punk kids too well, huh?
[05:33] (Flashback) Abu
    I had to teach them a lesson.
[05:36] (Flashback) Abu
    Hey, baby rabbit.
[05:37] (Flashback) Abu
    If you don't want to end up a villain,
[05:39] (Flashback) Abu
    learn to protect your little sister.
[05:44] (Flashback) G
    What are you doing, Abuto?
[05:47] (Flashback) Abu
    Nothing.
[05:48] (Flashback) Abu
    I tried to take an outdoor dump, but
    the place was already filled with shit.
[05:59] (Flashback) UB
    I thought I told you...
[06:01] (Flashback) UB
    Strength is undone by strength.
[06:04] (Flashback) UB
    You're confused about
    what strength truly means.
[06:07] (Flashback) Kam
    I don't get it.
[06:10] (Flashback) Kam
    What is strength?
[06:12] (Flashback) Kam
    Letting others beat you up?
[06:14] (Flashback) Kam
    Hurting others to protect your family?
[06:18] (Flashback) Kam
    Going off to fight alone, with
    no concern for your family?
[06:24] (Flashback) Kam
    I just don't get it anymore.
[06:34] (Flashback) UB
    I don't get it, either.
[06:38] (Flashback) Ko
    But you're still going?
[06:41] (Flashback) UB
    That's right, Kouka.
[06:43] (Flashback) UB
    Just as you risked your life in the
    hopes that you could be with us,
[06:48] (Flashback) UB
    I'll keep you alive, even if I
    have to leave you all to do it.
[06:54] (Flashback) UB
    Even if I lose the right to call myself
    a father, I'll protect my family.
[06:59] (Flashback) UB
    As the man who made the flower blooming
    on the planet of death wither,
[07:04] (Flashback) UB
    that is my cross to bear.
[07:07] U
    What a vast universe we live in.
[07:10] U
    I'm amazed that there was
    a being just like me,
[07:12] U
    and others who watched her die.
[07:17] U
    What expression was she wearing?
[07:20] U
    One of relief as her times of
    emptiness came to an end?
[07:23] U
    One of hatred as her loved ones murdered her?
[07:28] (Flashback) Kam
    Why?
[07:31] (Flashback) Kam
    Why did you fall in love with Mom?
[07:34] (Flashback) Kam
    If you hadn't brought her
    off of that planet...
[07:37] (Flashback) Kam
    You're the one who's making her suffer.
[07:40] (Flashback) UB
    That's exactly right.
[07:43] (Flashback) UB
    She was all alone, and
    I couldn't ignore that.
[07:46] (Flashback) UB
    I wanted to protect her.
[07:48] (Flashback) UB
    But I was the one being protected.
[07:52] (Flashback) UB
    I can't live on that planet.
[07:54] (Flashback) UB
    But Mom can't live on any other planet.
[07:59] (Flashback) UB
    That's why she came along
    without saying anything.
[08:01] (Flashback) UB
    Instead of living forever alone,
[08:04] (Flashback) UB
    she chose to live with us and die.
[08:08] (Flashback) UB
    Blame me if you must.
[08:11] (Flashback) UB
    But even if I had realized back then,
[08:15] (Flashback) UB
    I still would've chosen
    to walk down this path.
[08:19] (Flashback) UB
    Because it brought you two into my life.
[08:26] Kam
    The footsteps I'd always tried to
    follow in kept walking farther away.
[08:30] Kam
    The ones making Mom suffer
[08:33] Kam
    were the three of us, her family.
[08:37] (Flashback) G
    That's him. Let's do this.
[08:45] (Flashback) Kam
    Hey.
[08:52] (Flashback) Abu
    Those aren't the eyes of a brother
    who came to avenge his kid sister.
[08:57] (Flashback) Abu
    You might have the potential to become
    a much bigger villain than these guys.
[09:00] (Flashback) Kam
    I don't care...
[09:02] (Flashback) Kam
    As long as I can grow stronger!
[09:06] (Flashback) Abu
    Hey, what's this about?
[09:08] (Flashback) Abu
    Are you really here for lessons
    in how to be a villain?
[09:11] (Flashback) G
    Get a load of Abuto.
[09:13] (Flashback) Abu
    It's no laughing matter.
[09:14] (Flashback) G
    Get him, kid!
[09:16] (Flashback) Abu
    This brat!
[09:21] (Flashback) Ho
    That's a nice kick, brat.
[09:24] (Flashback) Ho
    The Harusame's 7th Division
    Commander accepts your challenge.
[09:28] (Flashback) Ho
    Hey, small fry.
[09:30] (Flashback) Ho
    Anyone who throws a serious punch
    at you, be they a whelp or otherwise,
[09:35] (Flashback) Ho
    must be met with a serious punch in turn.
[09:37] (Flashback) Ho
    That's basic courtesy as a man.
[09:46] (Flashback) Ho
    Do you wish to be strong?
[09:48] (Flashback) Ho
    Then learn how weak you are.
[09:52] (Flashback) Ho
    Come again.
[09:55] (Flashback) Ho
    That kid...
[10:00] (Flashback) Ho
    He had the same eyes as him.
[10:03] Kam
    I wanted to know a form of
    strength that was unlike his.
[10:07] Kam
    But at the same time that
    I realized how weak I was,
[10:12] Kam
    I realized that I, that man,
[10:15] Kam
    our family...
[10:18] Kam
    We couldn't save her.
[10:22] Kam
    Then I...
[10:31] (Flashback) Kam
    Then... I...
[10:43] (Flashback) Ho
    Damn rabbit.
[10:45] (Flashback) Ho
    You land a hit on me, the great Hosen?
[10:49] (Flashback) Ho
    Tell me what you want.
[10:50] (Flashback) Ho
    To be beaten to death
    right here and now, or...
[10:56] (Flashback) Kam
    Take us away.
[10:58] (Flashback) Kam
    Take Mom and me away from this planet.
[11:02] (Flashback) Kam
    Mom, let's go back to your planet.
[11:06] (Flashback) Ko
    When did you find out?
[11:09] (Flashback) Kag
    I'm sure you'll get better if we go back.
[11:13] (Flashback) Kag
    Even a withering flower can be saved
    if it's planted back into the earth...
[11:16] (Flashback) Ko
    Kamui.
[11:18] (Flashback) Ko
    Let me stay here.
[11:21] (Flashback) Ko
    I want to be by your side.
[11:23] (Flashback) Kam
    You don't have to.
[11:26] (Flashback) Kam
    I don't care if we can't call
    ourselves family anymore.
[11:28] (Flashback) Kam
    I still want you to live.
[11:33] (Flashback) Ko
    Why would you inherit that part of him, too?
[11:39] (Flashback) Kag
    Mommy!
[11:40] (Flashback) Kag
    What are you doing, Kamui?
[11:42] (Flashback) Kag
    Where are you taking Mommy?
[11:45] (Flashback) Kag
    Daddy!
[11:47] (Flashback) UB
    Why choose to do this now, when I'm home?
[11:51] (Flashback) Kam
    Because I know...
[11:53] (Flashback) Kam
    That to save Mom, I have to cast
    aside the idea of being family.
[11:58] (Flashback) Kam
    That I have to walk over you to do it.
[12:03] Kam
    That's right.
[12:04] Kam
    I no longer...
[12:09] Kam
    Out of my way!
[12:16] (Flashback) UB
    Stop it, Kamui.
[12:17] (Flashback) UB
    I'll save Mom!
[12:19] (Flashback) UB
    I thought I promised you that!
[12:22] (Flashback) UB
    Wait! There's something I want to show—
[12:26] (Flashback) UB
    Look at this!
[12:27] (Flashback) UB
    With this, Mom can...
[12:31] (Flashback) Kam
    I grew stronger to protect my family.
[12:35] (Flashback) Kam
    You're the one who told me to do it.
[12:37] (Flashback) Kam
    So I'm going to take Mom with me, even if
    I have to cut off your arm that's stopping us.
[12:44] (Flashback) Kam
    I will protect my family, even
    if we're no longer a family.
[12:51] Kam
    Whatever you and I tried to protect
[12:56] Kam
    no longer exists.
[13:07] Kam
    I abandoned my family and failed
    to protect our mother...
[13:12] (Flashback) Kam
    All I have left is to grow stronger.
[13:16] Kam
    All I have left is to surpass that man.
[13:21] Kam
    So, Kagura,
[13:25] Kam
    please let me go.
[13:27] Kam
    Stop getting in my way.
[13:30] Kam
    That face, and that voice...
[13:36] Kam
    Don't force me to keep
    seeing and hearing them.
[13:57] Abu
    I can't budge an inch.
[14:01] UB
    I've never had this feeling before.
[14:03] UB
    If I must fight him,
[14:07] UB
    this planet is too small a stage to do it.
[14:11] UB
    My weapon can't keep up.
[14:14] UB
    And my body
[14:16] UB
    is being a nuisance.
[14:20] UB
    I feel like everything's shackling me.
[14:23] UB
    Faced with that thing,
[14:25] UB
    even being alive feels restrictive!
[14:30] UB
    Kouka, I'm the kind of idiot who drove
    even you, an immortal, to death.
[14:37] UB
    But there are some things
    only idiots are capable of.
[14:40] UB
    Lend me your strength...
[14:42] UB
    Help me protect our family!
[14:51] U
    What are you playing at?
[14:52] UB
    I'm trying to rip out
    an immortal's soul here.
[14:55] UB
    I have to be prepared
    to cast everything off
[14:58] UB
    and fight with my bare essence, too.
[15:04] U
    Crushing my heart won't make me disappear.
[15:08] UB
    Your heart isn't the only thing here.
[15:11] UB
    There's also the gift I was going to
    give my wife, an Altana crystal.
[15:17] UB
    You're beings born from Altana.
[15:20] UB
    You can't stay alive if you're
    torn apart from your home planet.
[15:24] UB
    To keep my wife alive,
[15:26] UB
    I looked all over that planet for
    any remaining Altana crystals.
[15:31] UB
    I never expected to use one this way.
[15:34] UB
    Were you born on Earth?
[15:37] UB
    I wonder what will happen if I crush
    this crystal along with your heart.
[15:42] U
    What do you think will happen first?
    You doing that, or me chopping you in half?
[15:46] UB
    Beats me.
[15:47] UB
    But I know that, at the very least,
[15:50] UB
    I was the type of guy who'd buy gifts
    for his wife a month in advance!
[16:03] UB
    As you were born on Earth,
[16:06] UB
    exposing you to Altana from a different planet
[16:07] UB
    is like filling a gasoline car with diesel.
[16:11] UB
    Your engine is bound to break down.
[16:14] UB
    Die, just like us.
[16:20] UB
    Kouka, I finally managed to deliver
[16:26] UB
    my final present to you.
[16:32] UB
    Please accept it.
[16:38] Abu
    Umibozu!
[16:45] U
    If I could die just from that,
    I wouldn't have such a hard time.
[16:49] U
    It's too bad.
[16:52] U
    So not even you could kill me, huh?
[17:02] Kag
    Daddy...
[17:05] Abu
    Umibozu!
[17:09] Abu
    Why are there two of him?
[17:12] Abu
    It can't be!
[17:13] Abu
    He regenerated from his
    lopped-off right arm?
[17:17] U
    It seems we both had the same idea.
[17:23] U
    The only difference is that he
    only had one life to throw away.
[17:28] Abu
    You monster!
[17:32] U
    But it looks like I've run out of Altana.
[17:37] U
    Thanks to you,
[17:38] U
    for the first time in centuries,
    I got to experience death
[17:40] U
    and this feeling of being alive.
[17:44] U
    But that, too, is but an opening
    act for the end that is to come.
[17:50] U
    Let us meet again someday in the afterlife.
[17:57] Abu
    Hang in there! Hey!
[18:00] U
    Looks like he left.
[18:04] U
    That means I've won.
[18:09] U
    I lost my left arm casting aside my family,
[18:12] U
    but I lost my right arm protecting it.
[18:18] U
    It was a surprisingly good job, for me.
[18:22] Abu
    You...
[18:23] Kam
    Good job, my ass.
[18:25] Kam
    Didn't you have your right arm for the
    sole purpose of beating your stupid son?
[18:31] Kam
    Why is it lying over there?
[18:33] Kam
    Why did you let a guy
    like that humiliate you?
[18:37] Kam
    Stand up.
[18:38] Kam
    We haven't settled our score yet.
[18:41] Abu
    Commander...
[18:42] Kam
    I know you're better than this!
[18:46] Kam
    Stand up!
[18:47] Abu
    Stop, Commander.
[18:49] Abu
    Umibozu, your dad, is already...
[18:53] Kag
    Stop, Kamui!
[19:07] Kag
    Gin-chan...
[19:09] Kag
    Shinpachi...
[19:11] Kam
    What are you here for?
[19:13] Gin
    You want to tell us to keep our
    noses out of your family's business?
[19:16] Gin
    Sure, we're not related by blood.
[19:20] Gin
    However, we lived under the
    same roof, ate the same food,
[19:24] Gin
    and we laughed, cried, and
    got mad at the same things.
[19:28] Gin
    We're Odd Jobs.
[19:32] Gin
    We don't need blood ties
    or a reason to help her.
[19:36] Shin
    Kamui-san.
[19:37] Shin
    Unclench your fist.
[19:40] Shin
    Don't make Kagura-chan, your family,
[19:42] Shin
    and yourself suffer any more.
[19:45] Kam
    You're the ones making her suffer.
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[19:49] Kam
    She finally found another home.
[19:52] Kam
    Are you trying to force me to break it down?
[19:55] Shin
    We won't break.
[19:58] Shin
    Just as Kagura-chan never let go of you,
[20:01] Shin
    we won't let her or anyone else go, either.
[20:05] Shin
    So neither you nor we will ever break.
[20:09] Kam
    It's too late. There's no going back.
[20:12] Kam
    My mother's gone.
[20:15] Kam
    Things won't end for us
    until one of us goes down.
[20:20] Gin
    That so?
[20:21] Gin
    I'll put an end to things for you, then.
[20:27] UB
    What are you...
[20:33] Gin
    This makes me the one who
    took down the strongest.
[20:37] Gin
    I'm the strongest now.
[20:38] Shin
    Who are you kidding?!
[20:40] UB
    Oh, did a fly land on my head?
[20:42] Shin
    You didn't hurt him at all!
    If anything, you only hurt yourself!
[20:45] Shin
    Headbutting a half-dead man
    and getting hurt instead
[20:47] Shin
    makes you the worst and the weakest!
[20:49] Gin
    No matter what anyone says,
[20:51] Gin
    I'm the one who finished him off.
[20:54] Gin
    I've inherited the title of "strongest."
[20:56] Gin
    Along with the job of babysitting you, Kamui.
[21:01] Gin
    What you've been looking for is right here.
[21:04] Gin
    If you want some, come get some.
[21:06] Gin
    Try throwing everything you picked
    up to defeat that baldy at me.
[21:12] Gin
    Your dreams, all your hard work,
    and your desire to be the strongest...
[21:17] Gin
    I'm going to trample all over
    them as a complete stranger.
[21:21] Gin
    That's how worthless the thing
    you've always wanted is.
[21:25] Kam
    Didn't you hear me?
[21:27] Kam
    I told you to get out of my way!
[21:30] Gin
    Didn't you hear me?
[21:32] Gin
    I told you to come at me
    with everything you've got.
[21:39] Gin
    Is that all you've got?
[21:41] Gin
    You could never beat your old man with that.
[21:45] Gin
    You thought you were chasing after him,
[21:47] Gin
    but you'd started running
    from him at some point.
[21:50] Gin
    From your old man, from your family.
[21:53] Gin
    You're empty.
[21:55] Gin
    That's why you wanted to
    find a purpose for yourself.
[21:58] Gin
    But with your weak fists,
    you couldn't blow away
[22:01] Gin
    your old man's wig, let alone me.
[22:05] Gin
    Strongest?
[22:06] Gin
    You don't need a title like that.
[22:09] Gin
    You already have one that
    fits you perfectly...
[22:13] Gin
    You stupid brother!
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Battle on Rakuyo Arc
    Part 10
[23:49] Kam
    You hadn't thrown it away yet?
[23:50] Kag
    Stop, Kamui!
SIGN    Siblings
[23:52] Gin
    This is as far as you go.
SIGN    Gintoki took over the title of "strongest" with one headbutt.
SIGN    He takes on Kamui, a member of the combat race Yato, to see who's number one!
SIGN    As Kagura and Shinpachi look on,
SIGN    something strange happens to Kamui...

E326 - Siblings

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:11] (Flashback) UB
    Kagura wants to save him.
[00:16] (Flashback) UB
    Despite all the badmouthing she does,
[00:19] (Flashback) UB
    she wishes for her brother to
    go back to how he used to be.
[00:24] (Flashback) UB
    Even if the two of you end
    up facing off, I'm sure...
[00:31] (Flashback) UB
    Earthlings are an odd bunch.
[00:34] (Flashback) UB
    They make graves for people they hated.
[00:37] (Flashback) UB
    Maybe you could find
[00:41] (Flashback) UB
    a different solution than mine.
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    The Battle on Rakuyo
SIGN    Battle on Rakuyo Arc
    Part 10
SIGN    Siblings
SIGN    Watch the Battle on Rakuyo arc in a bright room
    and at a safe distance from your TV!!
[02:25] Kam
    Stupid brother?
[02:27] Kam
    Even if a tiny part of me still remains one,
[02:32] Kam
    it dies today!
[02:34] Kam
    Along with the stupid brother from Earth!
[02:40] UB
    He's crazy.
[02:42] UB
    An Earthling could never beat a Yato.
[02:44] UB
    An Earthling could never beat him.
[02:47] UB
    He's even stronger than Hosen right now.
[02:53] Kam
    I emptied myself out of my own free will.
[02:57] Kam
    The title of "strongest" is too big
    to fit someone who isn't empty.
[03:04] Kam
    You should've stayed on your little
    planet, protecting your little family.
[03:11] Kam
    Why did you face me when you lack
    the resolve to empty yourself?
[03:16] Kam
    You will die without being
    able to protect anything.
[03:18] Kam
    And she will lose everything
[03:21] Kam
    because of you and me,
[03:22] Kam
    her two stupid brothers!
[03:25] Kag
    Gin-chan!
[03:41] Gin
    You don't need resolve to become empty.
[03:45] Gin
    Kamui...
[03:47] Gin
    As you say, I'm far from being the strongest.
[03:52] Gin
    You may be much closer to it.
[03:59] Gin
    But I still don't see myself losing.
[04:05] Gin
    Strength that has nothing to lose
[04:08] Gin
    is the same as weakness that
    can't protect anything.
[04:11] Gin
    You can't take anyone or anything from me.
[04:16] Kam
    You can't even protect yourself!
[04:19] Kam
    What could you possibly protect from me?
[04:21] Kam
    And if you can't protect something,
[04:22] Kam
    keep your hands off of it to begin with!
[04:33] UB
    Is that fear?
[04:35] UB
    No, he's being thrown off...
[04:39] UB
    By his eyes, which keep coming back to life.
[04:48] UB
    By his sword.
[04:56] UB
    That guy...
[04:58] Shin
    He's the same as Kamui-san.
[05:02] Shin
    Just as Kamui-san kept fighting in
    order to obtain the title of strongest,
[05:08] Shin
    he kept fighting, too,
[05:10] Shin
    for an entirely different name.
[05:15] Kam
    What are your eyes fixed on?
[05:19] Kam
    You're not looking at me.
[05:21] Kam
    Even when you went up
    against Hosen and Shinsuke,
[05:25] Kam
    you were off fighting a different
    battle all by yourself.
[05:29] Kam
    Who are you fighting?
[05:31] Kam
    What name are you fighting for?
[05:35] Gin
    Just like you,
[05:38] Gin
    I used to be empty.
[05:41] Gin
    Once I lost everything and learned
    how terrifying that could be,
[05:45] Gin
    I kept living an empty life,
[05:48] Gin
    with no meaning or name of any kind.
[05:52] Gin
    But the ones who gave meaning
    to the empty me once more
[05:57] Gin
    were the people who'd become
    a part of me at some point,
[06:00] Gin
    your sister and everyone else.
[06:03] Gin
    Those audacious pests
    just barged into my life
[06:08] Gin
    and gave me a new name.
[06:11] Gin
    That's when I realized
[06:13] Gin
    that I hadn't actually lost anything.
[06:17] Gin
    That I was just cowering and
    running away from it all.
[06:22] Gin
    I'll never run away again...
[06:24] Gin
    Not from protecting something or losing it.
[06:28] Gin
    I don't need a title as fancy as "strongest"
[06:31] Gin
    or one as sorry as "stupid brother from Earth."
[06:36] Gin
    I'm Odd Jobs Gin-chan.
[06:40] Gin
    I swear on this name they gave me
[06:42] Gin
    that I won't lose...
[06:45] Gin
    Not to you or myself.
[06:49] Gin
    So, Kamui,
[06:51] Gin
    you shouldn't lose, either.
[06:53] Gin
    Remember.
[06:55] Gin
    Remember that thing lying at the
    very depths of the empty you...
[06:58] Gin
    Your real name!
[07:07] UB
    That's right.
[07:09] UB
    That's how he... how samurai are.
[07:14] UB
    If they have something to protect,
[07:17] UB
    they won't hesitate to face enemies
    far stronger than themselves.
[07:23] UB
    Their eyes aren't fixed on
    the wall in front of them,
[07:26] UB
    but rather the wall within, their own limits.
[07:31] UB
    In order to break down not
    their enemy, but their limits,
[07:35] UB
    they keep fighting everyone's
    biggest enemy, themselves.
[07:40] UB
    And they get stronger every time they do.
[07:42] UB
    Kamui...
[07:44] UB
    The higher you soar above him,
[07:48] UB
    the higher he will jump.
[07:52] Gin
    How many walls remain?
[08:20] Kam
    This is as far as you go.
[08:23] Kam
    Stop, Kamui!
[08:31] Gin
    And this is as far as you go,
[08:35] Gin
    you stupid brother.
[08:45] Kag
    For a moment there, he just...
[08:48] Gin
    Did you get a look at the
    depths of your emptiness?
[08:53] Gin
    What you saw there is your real name.
[09:03] Kam
    You still haven't thrown that name away?
[09:09] Kam
    That's why you'll lose to someone like him.
[09:14] Kam
    If you can't do it yourself,
[09:16] Kam
    then I'll do it for you.
[09:19] Kam
    Your sister, your old man,
[09:21] Kam
    and the person you used to be...
[09:25] Kam
    I'll erase it all for you.
[09:42] Kag
    K-Kamui?
[09:44] Kag
    You...
[09:46] Shin
    He looks just like
    Kagura-chan did back then.
[09:51] Abu
    That moron went and got himself consumed.
[09:55] Abu
    That's no longer anyone's
    stupid brother or commander.
[09:59] Abu
    It's just a beast that's even
    forgotten its own name.
[10:07] Shin
    Kagura-chan!
[10:16] Gin
    His limiter's off, huh?
[10:23] Kag
    Stop it, Kamui!
[10:25] Kag
    If you keep going, your body will...
[10:33] Kag
    Gin-chan!
[10:39] Abu
    Run away.
[10:41] Abu
    Take that baldy and run right away.
[10:43] Abu
    I have no interest in your family spat.
[10:46] Abu
    If you wanna kill your kid sister
    or your old man, feel free.
[10:50] Abu
    But kill them when you're
    yourself, Commander.
[10:54] Abu
    Do your father's punches hurt so much that
    you lose yourself to your Yato blood?
[11:02] Abu
    Does punching your sister hurt that much?
[11:05] Abu
    These guys are the same.
[11:07] Abu
    They're enduring that pain to fight you.
[11:11] Abu
    And here you're running away?
[11:13] Abu
    If you're gonna run with your tail between
    your legs from a fight you started,
[11:17] Abu
    then don't raise your hand to begin with.
[11:19] Abu
    If you're gonna fight,
    do it with your own hands.
[11:23] Abu
    And if you refuse to listen to
    your vice commander's advice,
[11:28] Abu
    then so be it.
[11:30] Abu
    I'm used to being forced to tag
    along with my stupid commander.
[11:35] Abu
    If you're gonna keep fighting until you die,
[11:38] Abu
    then the 7th Division will
    fight with you all the way.
[11:41] Abu
    Go!
[11:43] Shin
    Abuto-san!
[11:50] (Flashback) H
    Hey, it's time to set sail.
[12:01] (Flashback) H
    Where's your mother?
[12:04] (Flashback) H
    I had hopes for you as a villain since you
    wanted to kidnap her using a pirate ship.
[12:10] (Flashback) H
    But it looks like I overestimated you.
[12:12] (Flashback) H
    Get lost.
[12:13] (Flashback) H
    This world is no place for babies like you.
[12:16] (Flashback) Kam
    What does that make you?
[12:17] (Flashback) Kam
    Can you really call yourself a pirate
    when you can't kidnap one measly kid?
[12:22] (Flashback) Abu
    Deep down, you wanted someone
    to stop you, didn't you?
[12:26] (Flashback) Abu
    Isn't that why you tried to kidnap
    your mom when your dad was around?
[12:32] (Flashback) Abu
    It's still not too late. You can stop now.
[12:41] Abu
    Back then, you started walking
    forward with no hesitation,
[12:45] Abu
    and I couldn't stop you.
[12:48] Abu
    Because I was the same as you.
[12:52] Abu
    Nowhere to go back to.
    The only way to go was forward.
[12:56] Abu
    The 7th Division was filled
    with people like that.
[12:59] Abu
    That's why, when you moved forward
    without ever looking back,
[13:03] Abu
    when you rushed on ahead of us,
[13:06] Abu
    we were drawn to you.
[13:08] Abu
    Empty or not,
[13:11] Abu
    the sight of you relentlessly charging
    forward in pursuit of strength,
[13:16] Abu
    the sight of you smiling in the
    very face of death as you fought,
[13:20] Abu
    was our pride and joy.
[13:25] Abu
    If that's a sin,
[13:27] Abu
    then I'll atone for it as the
    guy who couldn't stop you.
[13:31] Abu
    So...
[13:33] Abu
    Smile, Commander.
[13:36] Abu
    Don't fight with a look that's
    totally unlike you, moron.
[13:56] Shin
    We won't let anyone die anymore!
[13:59] Shin
    We swear on our... on Odd Jobs's name!
[14:03] Kag
    K-Kamui.
[14:05] Kag
    You're not taking anything away anymore.
[14:08] Kag
    You're not losing anything anymore.
[14:10] Kag
    I...
[14:11] Kag
    We'll protect that name, the last
    thing remaining within you...
[14:16] Kag
    We'll protect you, stupid brother!
[14:18] Kag
    So don't go letting your
    stupid instincts beat you!
[14:49] Abu
    Those brats...
[14:52] (Flashback) Shin
    I'll protect Kagura-chan!
[14:53] (Flashback) Shin
    I'll protect the Kagura-chan we believe in!
[15:04] (Flashback) Kag
    I want to become stronger...
[15:08] (Flashback) Kag
    Strong enough to protect everyone.
[15:11] (Flashback) Kag
    Strong enough to not lose to myself.
[15:14] (Flashback) Shin
    I feel the same way.
[15:16] (Flashback) Shin
    Every time we protected something,
[15:18] (Flashback) Shin
    we became a little stronger, didn't we?
[15:24] (Flashback) Shin
    So let's wipe our tears and go.
[15:28] (Flashback) Shin
    I'm sure we'll become a little stronger.
[15:39] Kag
    I won't cry anymore!
[15:41] Shin
    I won't lose anymore!
[15:43] Kag
    We've protected many things...
[15:45] Shin
    ...and lost many!
[15:47] Kag
    Have we gotten stronger?
[15:50] Shin
    Have we made any progress?
[15:52] Bo
    We don't know!
[15:54] Kag
    But...
[15:57] (Flashback) Kag
    Earth?
[15:59] (Flashback) Ko
    Yeah. Your father told me
    about it a long time ago.
[16:03] (Flashback) Ko
    That there's a very beautiful
    blue planet out there.
[16:08] (Flashback) Ko
    Well, knowing how sloppy that man is,
[16:11] (Flashback) Ko
    he's probably lost all memory
    of it along with his hair.
[16:15] (Flashback) Kag
    Let's go to Earth, Mommy.
[16:18] (Flashback) Kag
    Let's go with Daddy and
    Kamui when you're better.
[16:21] (Flashback) Kag
    The whole family, together.
[16:24] (Flashback) Kag
    I bet he'll come flying
    back once you're better.
[16:30] (Flashback) Ko
    Really?
[16:31] (Flashback) Ko
    Guess I should get well soon, then.
[16:33] (Flashback) Kag
    Yep. So you should sleep now.
[16:37] (Flashback) Ko
    Yeah, yeah.
[16:43] (Flashback) Ko
    Kagura...
[16:46] (Flashback) Ko
    Thank you.
[16:48] (Flashback) Ko
    For always being there.
[16:51] (Flashback) Ko
    So long as you're around,
    our family will be just fine.
[16:57] (Flashback) Ko
    Even when the day comes for
    you to build your own family,
[17:00] (Flashback) Ko
    try to make it one just like that.
[17:03] (Flashback) Ko
    It doesn't matter if they're fools or idiots,
[17:07] (Flashback) Ko
    as long as they're with you
    in both good times and bad,
[17:13] (Flashback) Ko
    always by your side.
[17:16] (Flashback) Ko
    Find people like that.
[17:21] Kag
    Mommy...
[17:22] Kag
    We never went to Earth
    as a family in the end,
[17:27] Kag
    but I did find on that blue planet
[17:39] Kag
    the biggest fool,
[17:42] Kag
    the biggest idiot, and Odd Jobs.
[17:49] Kag
    That's why I won't lose.
[17:52] Kag
    So long as they laugh by my side
[17:58] Kag
    and cry by my side,
[18:01] Kag
    I'll laugh and cry with you, too.
[18:04] Kag
    I'll fight by your side,
[18:08] Kag
    just like how you always
    fought alongside us.
[18:54] Kam
    You're a nuisance.
[18:57] Kam
    Stay out of my way.
[19:00] Kam
    Get lost, my Yato blood.
[19:04] Kam
    It's just a sibling spat.
[19:07] Kam
    Let me fight with my own hands.
[19:11] Kam
    I can't afford to lose to you anymore.
[19:22] Kam
    Like hell I could lose.
[19:26] Kam
    A big bro can't keep losing to
    his little sister like this.
[19:34] Kam
    Let me win already, little sis.
[19:56] Kag
    This fight is over already.
[19:59] Kag
    Whether you chose not to punch me
[20:01] Kag
    or just couldn't do it,
[20:06] Kag
    your fists can't beat me.
[20:11] Kag
    You can't shake off your little sister's arm.
[20:17] (Flashback) Kag
    Mommy! Mommy!
[20:22] (Flashback) Kag
    Daddy!
[20:28] (Flashback) UB
    Kouka?
[20:29] (Flashback) UB
    Kouka!
[20:33] (Flashback) Ko
    Welcome home,
[20:37] (Flashback) Ko
    Kanko...
[20:40] (Flashback) Ko
    Kamui...
[20:45] (Flashback) Ko
    All four members of our family are
    finally back together, Kagura...
[20:54] (Flashback) Ko
    It has to be all of us, together.
[21:00] (Flashback) Ko
    Now, we can finally all go
[21:07] (Flashback) Ko
    to Earth.
[21:13] Kag
    Back then, you were by Mommy's side, too.
[21:19] Kag
    No matter how much you run,
[21:23] Kag
    no matter how far you go,
[21:26] Kag
    you can't shake us off.
[21:31] Kag
    Kamui, you're Mommy's...
[21:35] Kag
    Our family.
[21:39] Abu
    Thousands of punches couldn't ever
    take the Harusame's strongest man out,
[21:46] Abu
    but just one teardrop from
    his sister knocked him out.
[21:54] Abu
    His face looked like he'd cried himself
    to sleep on his mother's lap...
[22:00] Abu
    Like a little boy.
SIGN    Preview
[23:39] O
    I got my wings from the same man, so I know.
[23:43] Sh
    I will fight, too,
[23:45] Sh
    with the reaper within me.
[23:47] Sh
    A school where a teacher and
    his students learn together...
SIGN    Battle on Rakuyo Arc
    Part 11
[23:50] Sh
    That sounds wonderful.
SIGN    It's not over just yet.
SIGN    Next time, we'll take a look at Oboro's past.
SIGN    We'll take a look at some really important stuff
SIGN    like what made Yoshida Shoyo who he was.

E327 - First Student

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:19] UB
    Kouka?
[00:22] UB
    I see.
[00:24] UB
    I guess I messed up royally.
[00:28] UB
    But I can finally join you now...
[00:34] UB
    You won't let me, huh?
[00:38] UB
    I've now become
[00:41] UB
    a father who can neither beat nor
    embrace his naughty children.
[00:46] UB
    What could I possibly do now?
[00:50] UB
    Come on, Kouka...
[00:53] UB
    Tell me.
[01:05] M
    You always were that kind of man.
[01:08] M
    Whenever I thought you
    couldn't survive something,
[01:11] M
    you came back to life like it was nothing
[01:14] M
    and told me of adventures
    that set my heart aflutter.
[01:18] M
    I can't wait to hear your story this time.
[01:25] UB
    Even if it's just complaining
    that'll make your heart burn?
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    The Battle on Rakuyo
SIGN    Battle on Rakuyo Arc
    Part 11
SIGN    First Student
SIGN    Watch the Battle on Rakuyo arc in a bright room
    and at a safe distance from your TV!!
[03:09] Abu
    Such troublesome siblings.
[03:13] Abu
    What makes them think they need
    to pass out more than we do?
[03:17] Gin
    You can say that again.
[03:18] Gin
    If a babe's willing to
    let me rest on her lap,
[03:20] Gin
    I'd like to jump in there right now.
[03:23] Gin
    But, unfortunately, it looks
    like that'll have to wait.
[03:28] Gin
    All I see around me are the
    disgusting crotches of dudes.
[03:31] Gin
    It'd probably give me nightmares.
[03:33] Abu
    I feel like we're already having one.
[03:37] Gin
    Then we should hope for some
    rousing activity that'll wake us up.
[03:42] G
    Hold it.
[03:44] G
    Don't jump to conclusions.
[03:46] G
    Like we'd ever be cheap enough
    to fight wounded men.
[03:50] Abu
    Shokaku, one of the Three Mad Stars!
[03:52] G
    He was until a while ago, that is.
[03:55] G
    Now that we've lost to the samurai
[03:57] G
    and were cast aside by our master,
[04:00] G
    we're basically the same as you.
[04:02] Abu
    Were cast aside?
[04:04] Abu
    You mean you cast him aside.
[04:06] Sho
    One thing's for sure:
[04:08] Sho
    that man held no pride as a pirate,
[04:12] Sho
    and I never had any loyalty
    worth throwing away for him.
[04:16] Sho
    Pirates are supposed to be free spirits.
[04:20] Sho
    That's how I felt watching you guys...
[04:24] Sho
    You looked to be having so much more fun.
[04:27] G
    Now, let us ask you.
[04:29] G
    Does the 7th Division,
[04:30] G
    Harusame's thunderbolt,
    still remain unbroken?
[04:34] Abu
    Who knows?
[04:36] Abu
    I sure don't.
[04:38] Abu
    I don't even know if the guy
    lying there is our commander
[04:41] Abu
    or just another big brother.
[04:44] Abu
    The only thing I can say for sure is...
[04:48] Abu
    This isn't like you.
[04:51] Abu
    Be it on a battlefield
    or on your sister's lap,
[04:54] Abu
    it's not like you to stay down.
[04:56] Abu
    It's not like you to stay down
    after being beat up and losing.
[05:05] Abu
    I won't lose again.
[05:09] Abu
    Not to anyone.
[05:14] Abu
    I...
[05:16] Abu
    However long I spent as
    a son and a big brother,
[05:19] Abu
    I've spent far longer living as a pirate.
[05:23] Abu
    I never planned on turning back anyway.
[05:27] Abu
    I can only keep going.
[05:29] Abu
    So far ahead, my little sister
    will never be able to catch up.
[05:33] Abu
    So high up, I can look down on my old man.
[05:38] Abu
    And so far away, I'll be able to reach her.
[05:43] Abu
    Unless I'm willing to go that far,
[05:47] Abu
    I'll never be able to catch up
[05:50] Abu
    or go back there.
[05:57] UB
    I came here to stop that beast.
[06:01] UB
    I was even willing to kill him,
[06:03] UB
    because I thought that was
    my duty as his father.
[06:07] UB
    But I couldn't do it.
[06:11] UB
    And it was probably the same for him.
[06:15] UB
    No matter how far apart we
    drifted, we were family.
[06:19] UB
    The resolve we needed wasn't
    to cut our ties as family.
[06:26] UB
    Those ties weren't going
    to snap no matter what.
[06:29] UB
    So even if we got tangled up
    in them and suffered at times,
[06:33] UB
    we needed the resolve to hold on to
    those ties and draw them closer.
[06:39] UB
    I was made to realize that
[06:41] UB
    by the girl who never let go of those ties.
[06:46] UB
    And by the bizarre ties
    who always came with her.
[06:54] Gin
    Hey.
[06:56] Gin
    Enjoy your holiday?
[06:58] Kag
    Sorry for acting so selfish.
[07:01] Kag
    I didn't want to drag you guys into this.
[07:04] Kag
    But...
[07:08] Gin
    I'd always wondered where a kid
[07:09] Gin
    would have to be born to grow
    up into a crude brat like you.
[07:14] Gin
    I have my answer now.
[07:16] Gin
    What a filthy town.
[07:19] Gin
    But it's just like our own.
[07:23] Gin
    We got to see the family and
    town that brought you up.
[07:27] Gin
    Not a bad holiday.
[07:29] Gin
    So, put that thing away.
[07:33] Shin
    You can't ignore Umibozu-san
    and leave, right?
[07:37] Shin
    Even so, we can't accept
    a resignation letter.
[07:41] Shin
    A leave letter is good enough.
[07:45] Shin
    So come back again sometime
[07:48] Shin
    to your other home.
[07:51] Kag
    No...
SIGN    Paid Leave Request
[07:53] Kag
    That's not what this is.
[07:55] Kag
    Can we make this not an
    ordinary holiday, but paid leave?
[08:01] Kag
    What are you doing to a
    wounded girl, you scumbags?!
[08:04] Gin
    In Odd Jobs, a request for paid leave
    is the same as a request for death.
[08:07] Gin
    And I accepted yours.
[08:09] Kag
    My purse is empty thanks to your measly pay!
[08:11] Kag
    You could at least offer
    to share some of my load!
[08:13] Gin
    What did you use all your money on?
[08:14] Kag
    Staying at hotels, buying art,
    China dresses for calligraphy.
[08:18] Kag
    They were all necessary expenses.
[08:19] Shin
    Who are you, an ex-governor of Tokyo?!
[08:21] Kag
    I'll also need to pay for
    the baldy's treatment now!
[08:22] Kag
    Cut me some slack, you outsiders!
[08:24] Gin
    What treatment does the baldy even need?
[08:26] Gin
    So what if he lost an arm or two?
    That monster will be just fine.
[08:29] Gin
    Apply some aloe, and they'll
    grow back eventually.
[08:31] Shin
    They're not hair!
[08:32] Gin
    I don't think his hair's gonna grow back.
[08:33] Shin
    Why is his hair more
    hopeless than his arms?!
[08:37] Abu
    It's true!
[08:39] Abu
    My arms grew back!
[08:40] M
    Yes, I figured combat prosthetics
    would be best for you.
[08:44] Adlib
    Asura Temple!
[08:45] UB
    I'd like some more firepower.
[08:47] UB
    Oh, and put it on their tab.
[08:50] M
    Certainly.
[08:50] Gin
    Screw you!
[08:51] Gin
    He's the picture of good health!
[08:53] Shin
    Someone pay for our treatment, too!
[08:58] Sak
    I'll put the ship's repair
    fees on your tab, too.
[09:02] Sak
    Now, then. The trade talks are over.
[09:04] Sak
    So how about we close this deal, too?
[09:10] Sak
    Members of the Kiheitai.
[09:12] Sak
    You ran off partway without a word.
[09:15] Sak
    What happened?
[09:16] Sak
    Where's Takasugi?
[09:19] Hen
    I bring a message from Shinsuke-dono.
[09:31] Mat
    So annoying!
[09:32] Mat
    How far are they gonna chase us?
[09:34] Hen
    It seems we've been separated
    from Katsura and the Kaientai.
[09:37] Hen
    At this rate...
[09:38] Tak
    I don't recall teaming up with
    them in the first place.
[09:42] Tak
    I don't want to be further indebted to them.
[09:44] Tak
    I'll pay them back with interest someday.
[09:48] Tak
    Of course...
[09:50] Tak
    You too,
[09:52] Tak
    Oboro.
[09:53] Mat
    Wha...
[09:55] Ob
    Good job leading them here.
[09:58] Ob
    The Harusame have started to retreat.
[09:59] Ob
    You all should leave, too.
[10:01] Ob
    Hurry up and go.
[10:05] Mat
    What are you playing at?
[10:09] Obo
    Your survival was unexpected,
[10:13] Obo
    but the true purpose of
    this battle lies elsewhere.
[10:16] Obo
    Compared to that man fulfilling
    his longstanding desire,
[10:19] Obo
    what happens to the lives of insects that
    crawl on the ground doesn't matter.
[10:23] Tak
    Then why are you here?
[10:27] Tak
    To make excuses for losing to mere insects?
[10:29] Obo
    Because I know.
[10:32] Obo
    That some insects will never give up,
[10:35] Obo
    flapping their wings until
    they reach the heavens.
[10:38] Obo
    I got my wings from the same man, so I know.
[10:43] Tak
    The same man?
[10:45] Tak
    The monster crow you follow and Sensei?
[10:49] Tak
    Yoshida Shoyo died.
[10:52] Tak
    And one of the people who
    killed him stands before me.
[10:56] Obo
    I don't care either way.
[10:59] Obo
    I merely wish to remove
    all obstacles in his way.
[11:05] Obo
    I will use the last remaining flames
    of my life to burn your wings away!
[11:29] (Flashback) G
    Is that all of them?
[11:30] (Flashback) G
    Yeah.
[11:33] (Flashback) G
    It's all over now.
[11:45] (Flashback) Obo
    Is this what they call death,
[11:50] (Flashback) Obo
    reaper?
[12:10] (Flashback) U
    This is all I can do for you.
[12:19] (Flashback) Obo
    What are you...
[12:22] (Flashback) Obo
    Forgive me.
[12:24] (Flashback) Obo
    I can't even die as your target of revenge.
[12:28] (Flashback) Obo
    So I hope you at least
[12:31] (Flashback) Obo
    live and continue to hate me forever.
[12:39] Obo
    Back then, I died.
[12:43] Obo
    I decided to dedicate everything to him.
[12:47] Obo
    I was an insect fated to die like a slave,
    with no one to grieve for me.
[12:53] Obo
    So I decided to serve him until I shed
    all the blood that kept me alive.
[12:59] (Flashback) U
    I told you to leave once your wounds healed.
[13:02] (Flashback) U
    We took your home away from you.
[13:05] (Flashback) U
    That said, if you stay here,
[13:08] (Flashback) U
    you'll end up a killer.
[13:10] (Flashback) Obo
    Please teach me.
[13:12] (Flashback) Obo
    I'm willing to do anything to help you.
[13:16] (Flashback) U
    I'm no teacher.
[13:18] (Flashback) Obo
    In my eyes, you're a teacher who I owe
    my life to. One who deserves respect.
[13:22] (Flashback) U
    That's not something you say
    to a leader of assassins.
[13:25] (Flashback) U
    I cannot offer anyone anything.
[13:29] (Flashback) U
    In fact, I wish I could be one of the
    children, and learn along with them...
[13:34] (Flashback) U
    How to clean my bloodstained hands.
[13:39] (Flashback) Obo
    In that case, how about
    running a school yourself?
[13:42] (Flashback) Obo
    A school where a teacher and
    his students learn together...
[13:45] (Flashback) Obo
    That sounds wonderful.
[13:47] (Flashback) U
    Who would join a school run by a murderer?
[13:52] (Flashback) U
    All I can teach anyone
    are techniques to kill.
[13:56] (Flashback) Obo
    But you refuse to teach me those.
[13:59] (Flashback) Obo
    If you truly were evil,
    I'd already be a killer by now.
[14:05] (Flashback) Obo
    I'll give up on learning killing techniques,
[14:08] (Flashback) Obo
    so make me your first student
    at that school, okay?
[14:23] (Flashback) G
    The chief has run away.
[14:25] (Flashback) G
    As you know, quitting is
    not an option for us.
[14:28] (Flashback) G
    He must be dealt with.
[14:32] (Flashback) Sho
    Oh? Did you finally decide
    to leave that place?
[14:36] (Flashback) Obo
    Sensei!
[14:37] (Flashback) Obo
    What are you fooling around for?!
[14:40] (Flashback) Sho
    I couldn't lure you outside
    without doing this much.
[14:44] (Flashback) Sho
    If I want to get you out of the group,
[14:47] (Flashback) Sho
    the best way to do it is by leaving.
[14:50] (Flashback) Obo
    Sensei, you can't mean...
[14:52] (Flashback) Sho
    No. I've been plotting
    this since before you came.
[14:57] (Flashback) Sho
    But it may have been thanks to you
    that I finally made up my mind.
[15:01] (Flashback) Sho
    I may bear sins that won't
    go away even after death,
[15:04] (Flashback) Sho
    but I can keep atoning for
    them as long as I live.
[15:08] (Flashback) Sho
    I will fight, too,
[15:10] (Flashback) Sho
    with the reaper within me.
[15:11] (Flashback) Obo
    B-But...
[15:14] (Flashback) Obo
    You'll be targeted because of me.
[15:17] (Flashback) Sho
    That goes for you, too.
[15:19] (Flashback) Sho
    If anyone even considers you
    a member of Naraku, that is.
[15:23] (Flashback) Sho
    But I will make you one of my own.
[15:51] (Flashback) Obo
    Shoka Sonjuku?
[15:53] (Flashback) Obo
    What's that supposed to be?
[15:54] (Flashback) Sho
    The name of the school.
[15:56] (Flashback) Obo
    What does it mean?
[15:58] (Flashback) Sho
    A school born under a pine tree...
[16:01] (Flashback) Sho
    Just now.
[16:02] (Flashback) Sho
    Right now, it's just you and me,
[16:05] (Flashback) Sho
    but I hope many more will join
    us under this pine tree one day,
[16:09] (Flashback) Sho
    and that you'll have many junior students.
[16:13] (Flashback) Obo
    Junior students?
[16:14] (Flashback) Sho
    Yes.
[16:15] (Flashback) Sho
    In Naraku, you were the weakest,
[16:18] (Flashback) Sho
    but from now on, you'll be
    the most advanced student.
[16:20] (Flashback) Sho
    We both need to do our best.
[16:24] (Flashback) Obo
    Y-Yes.
[16:28] (Flashback) Obo
    Junior students, huh?
[16:30] (Flashback) Obo
    I can't wait to see them.
[16:37] (Flashback) Obo
    There's no escape.
[16:39] (Flashback) Obo
    Not even for Sensei,
[16:41] (Flashback) Obo
    if he takes me along.
[16:45] (Flashback) Sho
    This is a trap to delay your pursuers.
[16:47] (Flashback) Sho
    You must never use it to kill.
[17:06] (Flashback) G
    Aren't you the chief's page?
[17:08] (Flashback) G
    Hey!
[17:09] (Flashback) G
    What happened?
[17:12] (Flashback) Obo
    I helped him escape...
[17:16] (Flashback) Obo
    But once he found out how
    many were after him,
[17:20] (Flashback) Obo
    he cut me off, saying I'd hold him back.
[17:22] (Flashback) G
    Which way did he go?
[17:28] (Flashback) G
    Wait.
[17:29] (Flashback) G
    This certainly is the chief's sword.
[17:32] (Flashback) G
    But why are you alive, then?
[17:37] (Flashback) G
    If he decided to kill
    someone, he'd never fail.
[17:40] (Flashback) G
    Especially not a brat like you.
[17:49] (Flashback) Obo
    He didn't fail to kill me.
[17:51] (Flashback) Obo
    He just chose not to.
[17:54] (Flashback) Obo
    Sensei won't kill anyone anymore.
[17:58] (Flashback) Obo
    And I'll make sure he never has to.
[18:06] (Flashback) Obo
    Sensei,
[18:07] (Flashback) Obo
    I'm really sorry.
[18:10] (Flashback) Obo
    I broke our promise.
[18:12] (Flashback) Obo
    I decided that, since you saved me,
    my life didn't belong to myself.
[18:15] (Flashback) Obo
    That I would use it for your sake.
[18:19] (Flashback) Obo
    If I can't protect your ideal,
[18:22] (Flashback) Obo
    if I can't protect the junior
    students I have yet to meet,
[18:25] (Flashback) Obo
    how can I call myself your first student?
[18:29] (Flashback) Obo
    Sensei, I know our school,
[18:33] (Flashback) Obo
    Shoka Sonjuku, will...
[18:39] Obo
    Apparently, he thought I was dead,
[18:43] Obo
    but his blood coursing through my body
[18:46] Obo
    told me to live and continue to serve him.
[18:52] Obo
    Having covered up my betrayal,
[18:54] Obo
    I strove to keep Naraku's
    fangs away from Sensei.
[18:58] Obo
    I went against his teachings and didn't
    hesitate to dirty my hands with blood.
[19:03] Obo
    I didn't mind, even though
    I wasn't by his side,
[19:06] Obo
    if it meant I could protect
    him and his ideal...
[19:09] Obo
    That's what I thought.
[19:32] Obo
    That's what I thought...
[19:35] Obo
    Or so I thought.
[19:47] Obo
    I'm the one who got him captured.
[19:52] Obo
    Even so...
[19:55] Obo
    Even so,
[19:59] Obo
    I believed he would come back.
[20:03] Obo
    You and I are the same.
[20:06] Obo
    We lost our teacher due to our weakness.
[20:09] Obo
    One swore to never betray him again.
[20:16] Obo
    The other swore
[20:18] Obo
    to bring him back, even if it
    meant having to kill him again.
[20:26] Obo
    Until the spirit your teacher
    gave you completely dies out,
[20:29] Obo
    keep fighting.
[20:31] Obo
    That's what we...
[20:33] Obo
    Yoshida Shoyo's students are all about.
[20:39] (Flashback) Obo
    Come out. It's time.
[20:45] (Flashback) Sho
    Can you pass on my last words
[20:47] (Flashback) Sho
    to my students?
[20:50] (Flashback) Sho
    Without you, I never would've
    gotten to meet them.
[20:54] (Flashback) Sho
    Without you, I never would've
    become Yoshida Shoyo.
[20:59] (Flashback) Sho
    Thank you.
[21:00] (Flashback) Sho
    And I'm sorry.
[21:04] (Flashback) Sho
    If possible, I would've loved
    to bring you together.
[21:07] (Flashback) Sho
    Those kids,
[21:10] (Flashback) Sho
    and my pride and joy, my first student.
[21:19] Obo
    I have seen with my own eyes, Sensei,
[21:23] Obo
    my junior students I'm so proud of.
[21:31] Obo
    It dried up, huh?
[21:34] Obo
    This blood has dried up, at last...
[21:39] Obo
    Now I can finally go back.
[21:42] Obo
    It's been so long...
[21:44] Obo
    But this pain is nothing.
[21:47] Obo
    Compared to your eternal suffering,
[21:50] Obo
    my suffering must be no more than
    the fleeting pain of a needle prick.
[21:57] Obo
    Hear me, Takasugi.
[22:01] Obo
    Rather than Utsuro's minion,
[22:03] Obo
    there's something I must tell you
    as Yoshida Shoyo's first student...
[22:11] Obo
    Just what Yoshida Shoyo...
[22:14] Obo
    What Utsuro is.
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Battle on Rakuyo Arc
    Part 12
[23:49] Obo
    Put an end to him before
    everything is all over.
SIGN    Hope
[23:53] Obo
    The Battle on Rakuyo Arc that
    took us into a late night slot,
[23:53] ---
    and even into outer space,
    is nearing its end!
[23:59] Obo
    Also, there'll be a major
    announcement next week!!!
[23:59] ---
    Be sure you stay tuned to
    Gintama until the end!

E328 - Hope

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:07] Obo
    There's something I must tell you.
[00:11] Obo
    Just what Yoshida Shoyo...
[00:13] Obo
    What Utsuro is.
SIGN    The Battle on Rakuyo
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Battle on Rakuyo Arc
    Part 12
SIGN    Hope
SIGN    Watch the Battle on Rakuyo arc in a bright room
    and at a safe distance from your TV!!
[01:57] Hen
    Oboro, the chief of Tenshoin Naraku,
[02:00] Hen
    was Yoshida Shoyo's first and last student.
[02:05] Hen
    Utsuro, the previous chief,
    met Oboro and became Shoyo.
[02:10] Hen
    And he died as Shoyo because of Oboro.
[02:14] Hen
    That's how that man came to be.
[02:18] Hen
    Or should I say, came back to life?
[02:23] (Flashback) D
    Altana mutants?
[02:26] (Flashback) D
    It can't be!
[02:27] (Flashback) D
    There's no doubt.
[02:28] (Flashback) D
    That man is immortal.
[02:32] (Flashback) T
    Utsuro.
[02:33] (Flashback) T
    Or would you prefer I
    called you Yoshida Shoyo?
[02:37] (Flashback) T
    When and where did you gain that ability?
[02:43] (Flashback) U
    Utsuro.
[02:44] (Flashback) U
    Yoshida Shoyo.
[02:47] (Flashback) U
    I'm both of those and
    neither at the same time.
[02:51] (Flashback) U
    One that has lived within this body for
    so long, I've forgotten my very name.
[02:58] (Flashback) U
    No, maybe I never had a name to begin with.
[03:03] (Flashback) U
    I was only showered with
    endless insults and hostility.
[03:09] (Flashback) U
    And the only name I remember is...
[03:11] Hen
    Devil.
[03:14] (Flashback) Sho
    I came here after hearing
    about a corpse-eating devil,
[03:18] (Flashback) Sho
    but you're awfully adorable for a devil.
[03:22] Hen
    It seems people persecuted Utsuro
    due to their fear of his immortality.
[03:27] Obo
    Chopped into pieces, skewered, and burned,
[03:31] Obo
    he died over and over again.
[03:39] Obo
    But he came back to life each time,
[03:41] Obo
    inspiring further fear and animosity.
[03:45] Obo
    Even though he experienced suffering
    that would break anyone's spirit,
[03:52] Obo
    he couldn't disappear.
[03:55] Obo
    That is why he gave birth,
[03:57] Obo
    in order to overcome the endless suffering...
[04:01] (Flashback) U
    To countless versions of me.
[04:04] (Flashback) U
    And by the time the prison
    itself rotted away,
[04:14] (Flashback) U
    they began to act.
[04:23] (Flashback) U
    To bestow countless deaths upon people.
[04:27] (Flashback) U
    They did to others what
    others had done unto them,
[04:31] (Flashback) U
    like a devil trying to become
    human by imitating them.
[04:42] (Flashback) U
    And so, they were granted
    the mask of the reaper.
[04:48] (Flashback) U
    The court chose to use the
    reaper for their own benefit.
[04:52] (Flashback) U
    The 500 years after that were spent
    in a maelstrom of bloodshed.
[04:57] (Flashback) U
    The one that hated humans,
[04:59] (Flashback) U
    the one that feared humans,
[05:01] (Flashback) U
    and the one that longed to be human...
[05:03] (Flashback) U
    They were all me.
[05:07] (Flashback) U
    It was inevitable that he
    would appear to stop them.
[05:15] (Flashback) U
    The only Utsuro that stood up to Utsuro.
[05:21] (Flashback) U
    That was Yoshida Shoyo.
[05:25] (Flashback) U
    He suppressed the countless
    incarnations of me
[05:29] (Flashback) U
    and fought to change.
[05:32] (Flashback) U
    He never stopped fighting.
[05:37] (Flashback) U
    However...
[05:45] (Flashback) U
    You're the only one left now,
[05:49] (Flashback) U
    Shoyo.
[05:51] (Flashback) U
    You don't need to suffer anymore.
[05:53] (Flashback) U
    I'll put an end to it all.
[06:06] (Flashback) U
    Farewell, me.
[06:23] (Flashback) T
    So what you seek is an end for yourself?
[06:29] (Flashback) T
    That's a shame.
[06:31] (Flashback) T
    If your power were used wisely,
[06:34] (Flashback) T
    we—this universe—could
    evolve even further.
[06:37] (Flashback) U
    If you'll find a way to kill me,
[06:41] (Flashback) U
    I don't mind if you chop this body up and
    investigate every last drop of blood.
[06:48] (Flashback) U
    But just keep this in mind:
[06:51] (Flashback) U
    I'm a man who doesn't
    know how to end himself,
[06:55] (Flashback) U
    but I do know how to rip my
    arms from these shackles
[06:58] (Flashback) U
    and put an end to this
    stupid game right now.
[07:04] (Flashback) U
    I know how to put an end to
    others better than anyone.
[07:08] (Flashback) U
    And, if one seeks the power of immortality,
[07:12] (Flashback) U
    I know how to grant it to them, too.
[07:15] (Flashback) U
    You needn't resort to these measures.
[07:17] (Flashback) U
    I would gladly cooperate with you.
[07:20] (Flashback) U
    But, in return, grant me power.
[07:24] (Flashback) U
    Power that can destroy me.
[07:30] Obo
    The Tendoshu feared him.
[07:34] Hen
    They gave him rank and honor,
    but not power or authority.
[07:38] Hen
    Utsuro sought the privilege that only the
    Tendoshu possess in all the universe:
[07:45] Hen
    the power to freely control
    each planet's Altana.
[07:49] Hen
    What makes that possible is a seal
    on the palm, known as the "key."
[07:54] Hen
    It is bestowed as a proof of authority
    upon the highest-level executives alone,
[07:58] Hen
    and it acts as a code that can
    open and close Altana gates.
[08:02] Hen
    Nobody knows how it's made,
[08:04] Hen
    but it is impossible to remove once engraved,
[08:08] Hen
    and ripping it off can prove fatal.
[08:11] Hen
    And when the wielder dies,
    the key disappears with them.
[08:14] Hen
    One needs the unanimous approval of
    the Tendoshu to procure the key,
[08:19] Hen
    so Utsuro cannot control Altana.
[08:23] Hen
    Or so it was thought.
[08:26] T
    Something terrible happened
    while you were away.
[08:30] T
    Planet Tanko's Altana went berserk.
[08:34] T
    The gate and terminal were blown
    to smithereens instantly.
[08:37] T
    Our branch there was destroyed, too.
[08:39] T
    The damage caused is believed
    to be unprecedented.
[08:42] U
    What led to that accident?
[08:44] T
    It was no accident.
[08:46] T
    Just before it happened,
    we received a report
[08:49] T
    that unidentified forces
    were attacking the gate.
[08:54] T
    It was clearly an act of
    rebellion against us.
[08:58] T
    So it was induced by man?
[09:00] T
    The only ones capable of such a thing are...
[09:03] T
    Yes, none but the Tendoshu
    who possess the key.
[09:09] T
    You're saying there's a traitor?
[09:12] T
    But where could they find
    soldiers who'd obey them?
[09:17] T
    True, any land that possesses
    a gate is under our control.
[09:23] T
    But what if it was a force that
    didn't belong to any land?
[09:27] T
    Like the pirate fleet you
    just took over, for example.
[09:32] T
    The goal of your trip was to
    gain control of the Harusame
[09:36] T
    and wipe out any rebels.
[09:39] T
    But what if half of them were used
    to achieve a different goal?
[09:45] T
    What if you used that whole battle
    to lull us into a sense of security?
[09:49] T
    What if making Altana go berserk
[09:52] T
    and destroying the planet
    was your true objective?
[09:59] T
    How did you steal a key?
[10:06] U
    I didn't steal anything.
[10:08] U
    I only gave away,
[10:11] U
    as you people wished,
[10:13] U
    my immortal blood.
[10:15] U
    And you people willingly parted with a great
    number of things to gain immortality.
[10:20] U
    The key, which causes death upon being
    stolen and disappears upon dying,
[10:27] U
    just became an indestructible key.
[10:29] U
    I only picked up a key you people dropped.
[10:34] T
    Wh-Who was it that handed
    over their key to him?!
[10:37] U
    My blood is certainly that of an immortal,
[10:41] U
    but it only functions as it should
    within an immortal's body.
[10:44] U
    Your bodies aren't immortal,
[10:46] U
    so infusing my blood is akin to pouring
    magma into a frail container.
[10:50] U
    What's more, you poured it until
    the vessel was overflowing.
[10:55] U
    The vessel is sure to start melting.
[10:57] U
    It won't just be your arms.
[10:58] U
    Soon, your legs will fall off,
[11:01] U
    and so will your head.
[11:02] U
    But even as your mind experiences
    suffering that could break anyone,
[11:07] U
    you can't die.
[11:09] U
    You won't end until your body rots away.
[11:14] T
    Utsuro, you bastard!
[11:15] T
    You said there was a way to save
    me if I offered you the key!
[11:19] T
    Are you going back on your word?!
[11:23] T
    Impossible... There were so many traitors?
[11:28] T
    Wait, then the keys you took...
[11:30] U
    I have lots more of them.
[11:33] U
    You should receive reports soon
[11:36] U
    about how for every key you dropped,
[11:49] U
    an entire planet was destroyed.
[11:52] U
    And the people who survived will swear
[11:55] U
    that they'll never forgive the Tendoshu.
[12:00] U
    That you can't be left
    in control of the gates.
[12:03] U
    They will eventually come here,
[12:04] U
    to Earth.
[12:06] T
    Are you trying to start a war
    with the entire universe?!
[12:10] U
    I'm a monster that Earth created.
[12:13] U
    As long as I consume the Altana
    of this planet, I cannot die.
[12:18] U
    My suffering, your suffering,
[12:22] U
    and all the suffering
    repeated on this planet
[12:26] U
    will never end as long as this planet exists.
[12:30] U
    Then we need only put an end
[12:33] U
    to this planet.
[12:35] Obo
    Wresting control of Altana
    from the Tendoshu's clutches
[12:40] Obo
    to cause a universal war.
[12:43] Obo
    That is his goal.
[12:46] Obo
    Fighters, take down Utsuro.
[12:51] Obo
    Yoshida Shoyo fought the Utsuro
    within himself and lost.
[12:57] Obo
    But his battle gave birth to you.
[13:01] Obo
    His spirit still lives on.
[13:04] Obo
    Put an end to him, before everything ends.
[13:11] Obo
    Don't hesitate.
[13:12] Obo
    Don't be afraid.
[13:15] Obo
    Fight as your heart wills you to.
[13:18] Obo
    Since I lost sight of my own spirit,
[13:24] Obo
    I couldn't fight for Sensei, that man,
[13:27] Obo
    or for myself.
[13:32] Obo
    If I could do it all over again...
[13:39] Obo
    I...
[13:47] Obo
    I...
[14:05] Obo
    I would've loved to be one of you guys...
[14:34] Tak
    Let's go.
[14:36] Tak
    This is not his rightful resting place.
[14:40] Tak
    Though who knows whether it'll be next
    to his master or next to us students.
[14:48] Tak
    We're going back to Shoka Sonjuku.
[15:03] Sak
    Gintoki, Zura...
[15:06] Gin
    Nothing anyone says is going
    to surprise me anymore.
[15:10] Gin
    None of it changes anything.
[15:12] Gin
    Maybe Utsuro was the one who
    killed the Shoyo persona.
[15:18] Gin
    But we, his students, were the ones who
    cornered him, giving Utsuro his chance.
[15:26] Gin
    The one who ignored his
    request not to go after him,
[15:30] Gin
    started a fight that put
    his friends in danger,
[15:33] Gin
    and gave Shoyo the final blow
    that awakened Utsuro was me.
[15:39] Gin
    We were the ones who killed
    Shoyo and gave birth to Utsuro.
[15:47] Gin
    Even so,
[15:49] Gin
    back then...
[15:52] (Flashback) Sho
    Thank you.
[15:55] Gin
    That's what he said.
[15:57] Gin
    With total disregard for his
    impending death, he looked at me
[16:01] Gin
    and smiled.
[16:05] Kat
    Perhaps Sensei always
    knew this would happen.
[16:10] Kat
    That, someday, the monster within him
[16:12] Kat
    would consume him and become a massive
    shadow that would destroy entire planets.
[16:19] Kat
    And maybe Shoka Sonjuku was created to give
    the world hope to fight that darkness.
[16:31] (Flashback) Sho
    A monster's sword cannot
    cut another monster.
[16:35] (Flashback) Sho
    You have to grow stronger
    than me using your own sword,
[16:38] (Flashback) Sho
    the sword of a human.
[16:41] Kat
    Even as he faced death,
[16:46] Kat
    there wasn't a hint of fear
    or sorrow in his eyes.
[16:53] Kat
    You, who were willing to walk
    over your teacher's corpse
[16:57] Kat
    in order to protect Shoka
    Sonjuku and its spirit,
[17:00] Kat
    appeared to him as a great ray of hope.
[17:04] Kat
    That must be why he,
[17:06] Kat
    and you,
[17:07] Kat
    smiled back then.
[17:12] Sak
    The battles of the man called Yoshida
    Shoyo gave birth to you guys.
[17:17] Sak
    And your battles gave birth
    to us and our comrades.
[17:23] Sak
    There's more than one ray of hope now.
[17:26] Sak
    Let's see what all our
    battles will give birth to
[17:29] Sak
    and show it off to the two Yoshida Shoyos!
[17:47] UB
    Are you going?
[17:49] UB
    To a planet that might be destroyed soon?
[17:52] UB
    Actually, should I ask if you're going home?
[17:57] UB
    That's what that planet has
    become to you now, hasn't it?
[18:03] UB
    I'd like to stop you,
[18:05] UB
    but I'd rather not be the kind of father
[18:08] UB
    who whines to a daughter he
    married off to another planet.
[18:11] Kag
    Who're you saying got married off?
[18:17] UB
    Could you pass on a message to him?
[18:20] UB
    "Utsuro is not immortal."
[18:24] UB
    "There is a way to kill him."
[18:28] UB
    "Hang in there until I find out what it is."
[18:31] UB
    "If anything happens to my daughter,
    I'll kill you along with Utsuro."
[18:35] Kag
    Daddy...
[18:37] UB
    Your mother shooed me away, you see.
[18:40] UB
    "You have neither the right nor
    any arms to punch our children,
[18:44] UB
    but you still have a job to do," she said.
[18:49] UB
    I don't know what exactly
    that is yet, but...
[18:53] UB
    Even with these arms, I could at
    least pick up rocks off the ground.
[18:58] UB
    I could at least pick flowers for her.
[19:04] Kag
    Those weren't the flowers Mommy liked.
[19:06] UB
    Quit nitpicking.
[19:08] UB
    Flowers are all the same.
[19:11] UB
    But I'm amazed you remembered that.
[19:13] Kag
    I only remembered when I saw that, too.
[19:21] Kag
    I still have a job to do, huh?
[19:58] Shin
    The land of the samurai.
[20:00] Shin
    There was a time, long ago, when our
    country was called by that name.
[20:05] Shin
    Those dream-filled blue skies upon
    which the samurai once gazed
[20:09] Shin
    are now filled with ships
    from strange worlds.
[20:11] Shin
    The towns where the samurai
    once proudly walked
[20:15] Shin
    are now filled with swaggering,
    arrogant aliens.
[20:18] Shin
    We were stripped of our swords and status,
[20:20] Shin
    and we lost our honor and everything else.
[20:23] Shin
    However, even so,
[20:27] Shin
    the samurai spirit is still alive here.
[20:37] Shin
    Our final battle is about to begin.

E329 - The Stairs to Adulthood May Not Always Lead Up

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    The Story So Far
[00:08] Shin
    The land of the samurai.
[00:10] Shin
    There was a time, long ago, when our
    country was called by that name.
[00:16] Shin
    Now, the world has entered
    a Great Pirate Era!
[00:19] Shin
    By a twist of fate, our hero Gin-san ate
    a Wave Wave Fruit, gained a perm,
[00:23] Shin
    decided to solve all his problems with money,
[00:25] Shin
    and left on a journey to find
    the Pirate King's treasure.
SIGN    Boom!
[00:28] Gin
    I'm gonna be the king of the nouveau rich!
[00:30] Shin
    On his travels,
[00:31] ---
    he met a girl looking for seven balls
    that can summon a shining dragon:
[00:34] ---
    the genius beauty Kagura-chan.
[00:36] Kag
    I'll let you feel all the romance.
[00:38] Shin
    On the way, they also picked
    up a glasses monster.
[00:41] Shin
    Shinpachu!
[00:42] Kag
    Wow, you must be a glasses Friend!
[00:46] Gin
    Hey, Shinpachu, bring out the
    Japari Bus. I'm tired of walking.
[00:49] Shin
    They all worked together,
[00:53] Shin
    defeated the terrifying evil overlord,
SIGN    Two Years Later...
[00:55] Shin
    and two years later,
[00:58] Shin
    the three of them reunited
    at the Jabondy Archipelago
SIGN    World Chunin Hunter Hero Exam
[01:00] Shin
    and were about to take the World
    Chunin Hunter Hero Exam...
[01:06] Shin
    Are you kidding me?
[01:07] Shin
    What the hell is this recap?!
[01:09] Gin
    Y'know, we've been doing a bunch of
    long arcs, reruns, and breaks lately,
[01:13] Gin
    so I wrote that, figuring we should
    casually look back on the story.
[01:17] Shin
    You casually filled it with lies!
[01:18] Shin
    And you ripped off too many series!
[01:20] Kag
    Roughly put, the story did
    go something like that.
[01:23] Kag
    In the last long arc, for example,
    we went to another planet out in space
[01:27] Kag
    and fought a combat race whose strong
    emotions awakened their powers.
[01:32] Shin
    Uh, that is somewhat right, but...
[01:34] Shin
    Hell, you were basically the star of that arc.
    Sure you wanna sum it up that way?
[01:39] Shin
    Listen up.
[01:41] Shin
    We didn't learn the Whateverhameha
    or become Whatever Masters.
[01:45] Shin
    We're not headed for the
    Whatever Line, either!
SIGN    Shogun Assassination
SIGN    Farewell Shinsengumi
[01:47] Shin
    We were originally supposed to
    enter the final long arc now,
SIGN    Battle on Rakuyo
SIGN    Final Arc?
[01:52] Shin
    but stuff happened, and now we're here.
SIGN    Slip Arc
[01:54] Shin
    Gin-san, you're basically a guy
    with a perm and dead fish eyes.
SIGN    Kabuki District First
[01:57] Shin
    You run an odd jobs business
    in Edo's Kabuki District.
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[02:00] Shin
    Kagura-chan, you're one of
    the Yato, a combat race,
[02:03] Shin
    a glutton, and you always carry an umbrella.
[02:05] Shin
    And I, Shinpachi,
[02:07] Shin
    am Suda Masaki in 3D.
[02:10] Bo
    How long are you gonna keep talking
    about the live-action movie?
[02:13] Gin
    Enough with the Suda nonsense!
    No more Granbluing!
[02:17] Kag
    Y'know, the more you do that,
    the more miserable you'll be.
[02:20] Kag
    Open your eyes!
[02:21] Shin
    But I have to ride this wave and
    get myself a hottie image!
[02:25] Kag
    What others do doesn't matter to us!
[02:27] Gin
    Come on! Let's start the anime already!
[02:29] Bo
    Okay...
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Slip Arc
SIGN    Watch the Slip Arc in a bright room
    and at a safe distance from your TV!
[04:01] UB
    Yeah, the sunshine on Earth
    is too much to handle.
[04:06] UB
    I feel like I'm going bald.
[04:09] UB
    Earth really isn't a planet
    we Yato are meant to live on.
[04:14] UB
    Kagura-chan said it didn't bother her,
    but will she really be okay?
[04:19] UB
    Sure, she may be fine now,
[04:21] UB
    but what if staying here too
    long affects her body—
[04:24] G
    Hey, check that out.
[04:26] G
    That old dude's got an umbrella
    even though it ain't raining.
[04:29] G
    He should probably get some sun
    and photosynthesize or something.
[04:33] G
    It'd help his head.
[04:34] UB
    Hey!
[04:37] UB
    What in the world happened to you two?
[04:38] UB
    Your entire body is toasted!
[04:40] Punk
    What do you think you're doing, old man?
[04:42] UB
    Hang in there! I'll call an ambulance now!
[04:45] G
    No, call the cops instead!
[04:46] G
    Somebody help!
[04:49] UB
    This planet really is dangerous.
[04:52] UB
    If Kagura-chan stays here, someday...
[04:55] UB
    Her whole body might end up toasted, and
    she might bring home a toasted boyfriend.
[05:00] TB
    We're already expecting.
[05:03] UB
    There might be a new toasted
    life growing in her womb.
[05:06] UB
    We'd have no choice but to throw
    a shotgun wedding in the shadows.
[05:11] UB
    But in a matter of months,
    her married life would be toast.
[05:15] TB
    It's all burned!
[05:18] UB
    Unable to fend for herself and her
    child as a single toast mother...
[05:23] Kag
    Oh dear, mister. Your whole body's so toasted.
[05:27] UB
    She'd start working at a shady shop.
[05:29] UB
    Eventually, even her heart
    would be toasted black, and...
[05:33] Cop
    We found a burned, toasted will.
SIGN    Forgive me, Daddy.
[05:39] UB
    I won't stand for it!
[05:40] UB
    Daddy will not accept toast of any sort!
[05:44] UB
    If you stay here, everything will be toast!
[05:47] UB
    I'm gonna take her back before
    everything becomes toast!
[05:50] G
    Hey, sir.
SIGN    Hair Growth Powder
    Toasty
    A magical way to hide your hair loss
    Free Trial Period
[05:52] G
    We're running a free trial period right now.
[05:55] G
    Would you like to try it?
[05:56] G
    One spray, and your head
    will be a toasty black.
[05:59] UB
    I won't stand for it!
[06:01] UB
    Only Daddy's head needs to be toasty!
[06:04] UB
    That's enough! Daddy has
    enough hair on his head!
[06:07] UB
    Be it Daddy's hair or your life
    here on Earth, this is plenty!
[06:11] UB
    You should say goodbye
    to this rotten place...
[06:15] UB
    That's Kagura-chan.
[06:18] UB
    Thank goodness. Looks like
    she's not toasted yet.
SIGN    Kagura-chan
[06:23] Boy
    Um, here.
[06:29] Boy
    You can give me your answer some other time.
[06:32] Boy
    Bye.
[06:32] Kag
    Hey, wait.
[06:35] Kag
    What is this?
[06:38] Kag
    Let's see...
[06:39] Kag
    Dear Kagura-chan...
SIGN    Dear Kagura-chan, Ever since we first met, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you.
[06:41] Kag
    Ever since we first met, I haven't
    been able to stop thinking about you."
[06:45] Kag
    All this while, I've played with
    you like you were one of the guys,
SIGN    Road Safety
    Be careful up ahead!!
[06:49] Kag
    but I can't suppress these feelings anymore.
[06:52] Kag
    Please go out with me.
[06:56] Kag
    My heart is
[06:59] Kag
    burning with such passionate love for you
[07:07] Kag
    that it is now toasted pitch-black.
SIGN    The Stairs to Adulthood
    May Not Always Lead Up
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[07:18] Shin
    Hey!
[07:19] Shin
    What the heck is this? What happened?
[07:22] Gin
    Pachi-boy, I asked you to get me a spoon.
[07:26] Gin
    If you're giving me such a massive spoon,
    give me a massive serving of pudding, too.
[07:30] UB
    I assume you're okay with that...
[07:32] UB
    as your last supper.
[07:37] UB
    You're okay with that?
[07:38] Shin
    U-Umibozu-san?
[07:40] Gin
    Oh, Pops. If you'd told us you were coming,
[07:44] Gin
    we would've got another pudding for you.
[07:46] Gin
    Did you go out of your way to get your own
[07:49] Gin
    shiny pudding?
[07:51] UB
    My head is not shiny pudding!
[07:52] Gin
    Why are you so cranky pudding as soon
    as you get here? Aren't you being rude?
[07:57] UB
    I don't wanna hear that from a guy
    who keeps calling my head pudding!
[08:01] UB
    You were supposed to look after my precious
    daughter! What were you looking at?
[08:06] UB
    This is the height of negligence!
[08:09] Shin
    Huh? Did something happen to Kagura-chan?
[08:12] Kag
    I'm home!
[08:14] Kag
    Huh? You're here, Daddy?
[08:16] Kag
    Long time no see.
[08:17] UB
    Kagura!
[08:18] Kag
    Perfect timing. I've got good
    news to share with you all.
[08:22] UB
    No! I don't wanna hear it!
[08:25] Kag
    I have a boyfriend now.
[08:31] UB
    Wait a second.
[08:32] UB
    Not "I got a love letter"?
[08:34] UB
    "Boyfriend"?
[08:36] Kag
    We're going on a date tomorrow.
[08:38] Kag
    What should I wear?
[08:43] Gin
    Uh, Shinpachi...
[08:46] Gin
    What's a "boyfriend" again?
[08:48] Gin
    Like these things?
[08:49] Shin
    No, that's a dry limb.
[08:51] Shin
    "Dry limb" and "boyfriend" barely sound alike.
[08:53] Gin
    Like this, then?
[08:54] Shin
    Uh, that's "boyfriend death."
SIGN    Boyfriend DEATH
[08:56] Shin
    Get away from the tree
    already. Just take the guy.
[08:59] Gin
    Oh, so like this?
[09:00] Shin
    Why'd you turn it into
    Chris's evolution chart?
[09:02] Shin
    He just evolved from dry
    limbs to more dry limbs!
[09:07] UB
    How could this be?
[09:08] UB
    He said he'd wait for his answer,
    but she gave it to him so quickly?
[09:12] UB
    And she said okay?!
[09:14] UB
    What're you gonna do about this?
[09:16] UB
    This wouldn't have happened
    if you'd kept an eye on her!
[09:19] Gin
    Calm down. This has to be some bad joke.
[09:22] Gin
    Kagura, of all people,
    could never get a boyfriend.
[09:25] UB
    You're right.
[09:26] UB
    This has to be some kind of
    bad joke or bad dream, right?
[09:29] Gin
    Exactly.
[09:30] Gin
    Who'd fall for that vulgar, gluttonous
    mass with no sex appeal—that hurloine?
[09:35] Gin
    She probably just got Punk'd or something.
[09:37] Gin
    She's your daughter. She inherited
    all your unlucky genes.
[09:39] Gin
    Have more faith in her.
[09:40] UB
    You're right!
[09:41] UB
    This couldn't happen to a girl who
    was swimming in my filthy blls...
[09:45] UB
    Who're you calling a filthy bll girl?!
[09:47] Gin
    I never went that far.
[09:49] Gin
    Please, cool off your b*ll head for a sec.
[09:52] Gin
    Don't worry. This can't be real.
[09:54] Shin
    You never know.
[09:57] Shin
    I've heard that even grade
    schoolers are dating these days.
[10:00] Shin
    And while Kagura-chan may look
    childish, she's fourteen.
[10:04] Shin
    Besides, if you go just
    by looks, she's a beauty.
[10:08] Shin
    Considering all that—
[10:10] UB
    Hey, what do you mean, grade schoolers?
[10:14] UB
    Has this planet gotten that dirty?
SIGN    Earth
[10:17] UB
    Earth?
[10:18] UB
    More like Dirth!
SIGN    Dirth
[10:20] UB
    Can I destroy it now?
[10:23] UB
    Can I get serious now?
[10:25] Shin
    Please calm down.
[10:27] Shin
    I called it "dating," but they're just playing.
[10:29] Shin
    It's all just a game!
[10:30] Gin
    Hey...
[10:32] Gin
    What do you mean, it's just a game?
[10:34] Shin
    Not you, too!
[10:35] Gin
    Don't tell me they satisfy their urges,
[10:37] Gin
    wrap the girl with paper from their Japonica
    Notebooks, and chuck her in the trash.
[10:41] Gin
    If they do that,
[10:43] Gin
    can I stick jet packs in their backpacks and
    pitch them to the edge of the galaxy?
[10:47] Gin
    Can I turn them into the
    backpack constellation?
[10:50] Shin
    Calm down, both of you!
[10:52] Shin
    I'm just speaking hypothetically!
[10:54] Shin
    You're getting too worked up!
[10:55] Shin
    Also, if you're so bothered by it, you
    could just ask Kagura-chan directly!
[11:01] UB
    Y-You go.
[11:04] Gin
    Why me? Aren't you her father?
[11:06] UB
    Shut up! That's exactly why I don't know
    how to face her at times like these!
[11:12] UB
    You could bring it up casually.
[11:14] UB
    Just go already.
[11:15] Gin
    What are you saying? You sound pathetic.
[11:18] Gin
    Shinpachi, you go.
[11:19] Shin
    Where did that come from?
[11:20] Gin
    Shaddup.
[11:21] Gin
    When you're trying to climb
    the stairs to adulthood,
[11:23] Gin
    adults shouldn't be yelling
    at you from the top.
[11:26] Gin
    This calls for one nowhere near the stairs,
[11:27] Gin
    a primitive lifeform like you
    still groveling on the ground.
[11:31] Shin
    Who're you calling an amoeba?!
[11:32] Shin
    Jeez, fine.
[11:34] Shin
    I'll go ask her, then.
[11:36] Gin
    Wait, time out!
[11:38] Shin
    What is it?
[11:39] Gin
    Never mind. You don't
    have to ask her anything.
[11:41] Shin
    Make up your damn mind!
[11:42] Kag
    Boy, I'm so hungry.
[11:44] Kag
    Is dinner ready?
[11:46] Kag
    Wow, it's red rice!
[11:48] Kag
    What's up? Did something good happen?
[11:51] UB
    Huh? Uh, what's up, you ask?
[11:54] ---
    Er...
[11:55] UB
    What was up, Gintoki-kun?
[11:57] Gin
    Huh? U-Uh, y'know, bo...
[12:00] Gin
    Boy...
[12:02] Gin
    Boy, oh, boy! Curry came out
    of your father's crotch!
[12:05] Kag
    What's so good about that?
[12:07] UB
    W-Well, I've been constipated lately,
[12:09] UB
    so, like, we're celebrating
    the tunnel opening?
[12:12] Gin
    Maybe we should've gone with curry
    instead of red rice, huh, Father?
[12:16] UB
    But it came out with such force
    that there was blood mixed in, too.
[12:19] UB
    It's okay this way, I say.
[12:20] Kag
    There goes my appetite.
[12:21] Gin
    Wait, wait, wait, wait!
[12:23] Gin
    We're sorry!
[12:24] Gin
    This isn't something we should
    talk about over dinner, huh?
[12:26] UB
    Hurry up and take a seat.
[12:27] UB
    Shinpachi-kun went to
    great pains to make this.
[12:29] All
    Let's eat!
[12:38] Gin
    Hey, ask her already, you stupid cue ball!
[12:40] UB
    Who do you think you're calling a cue ball?
[12:42] UB
    You're sorely mistaken if you
    think light hair doesn't fall off.
[12:44] UB
    Don't you know how it went with Uncle Jam?
[12:46] Gin
    You're the one with the Uncle Jam head!
[12:48] UB
    You're wasting the chance we made
    this celebratory red rice to create.
[12:52] Gin
    You don't intend to celebrate
    a hair on her head.
[12:54] Gin
    Your roots have all died out,
    so what are you talking about?
[12:57] UB
    They haven't! They're just taking
    a break because it's half-time.
[13:00] Gin
    Are you that scared to find out the truth?
[13:02] Gin
    Are you that scared of
    your daughter growing up?
[13:04] UB
    I'm not the least bit scared.
[13:06] UB
    I just wanna say that when she leaves Earth,
[13:08] UB
    it'll be a long-distance relationship,
    and it'll be hard to keep up.
[13:11] UB
    You're the one feeling lonely because you
    feel like she's grown distant from you.
[13:15] Gin
    As if! In fact, that's exactly what I want.
[13:17] Gin
    I'm just worried she'll neglect her
    work because she's distracted by love.
[13:21] Gin
    I'm totally ready to celebrate this.
[13:23] Gin
    I'm totally gonna get another
    helping of red rice.
[13:25] UB
    Screw you!
[13:26] UB
    I'm eating more helpings!
[13:28] Gin
    Shut up!
[13:28] Gin
    I'll eat enough red beans to match my age!
[13:31] UB
    I'm older than you, so I can eat more!
[13:34] Gin
    Then I'll eat enough to match
    the number of hair roots I have!
[13:37] UB
    Then I'll eat enough to match
    the number of dead roots I have!
[13:40] Gin
    So you admit they've all died out?!
[13:41] Kag
    What are those two morons doing?
[13:45] Shin
    S-Say, Kagura-chan...
[13:47] Shin
    You mentioned this earlier,
[13:48] Shin
    but is it true you got a boyfriend?
[13:52] Kag
    I don't really get it.
[13:54] Kag
    I got a love letter, but honestly,
    it hasn't sunk in yet.
[13:58] Kag
    I don't really understand
    all that love stuff, anyway.
[14:01] Kag
    But I could feel how much heart
    he put into what he wrote,
[14:05] Kag
    so I figured I could at least go on a date—
[14:08] Bo
    That won't do, Kagura-chan!
[14:10] Gin
    Dating someone out of sympathy or pity
    is the most insulting thing to them!
[14:13] Gin
    It'll end up hurting them the most!
[14:16] UB
    You should break up with him.
[14:17] UB
    Right, Gintoki-kun?
[14:19] Gin
    That's right.
[14:19] Gin
    You shouldn't sell yourself short.
    Don't you agree, Father?
[14:23] Kag
    But you could fall for someone once
    you start dating them, couldn't you?
[14:26] Kag
    That's what Daddy said
    about his shotgun marriage.
[14:29] UB
    Some romances start in bed, too.
[14:32] Gin
    You're the root cause? What the
    hell were you telling a child?!
[14:37] UB
    You've got the wrong idea!
    That's not what I meant there...
[14:39] Kag
    Anyway, I have a date tomorrow,
    so I'm going to bed now.
[14:43] UB
    Wait, Kagura-chan.
[14:45] Gin
    Feel free to go on a date or whatever.
[14:47] UB
    But before that...
[14:49] Bo
    Could you introduce your boyfriend to us?
[14:54] ---
    How many have we been to now?
[15:01] UB
    Pops...
[15:02] Gin
    One more.
[15:04] Shin
    You're drinking too much, you two!
[15:06] Shin
    You're meeting Kagura-chan's
    boyfriend tomorrow, remember?
[15:09] UB
    Shut up! Boyfriend, my ass!
[15:12] UB
    I don't care who he is or where he's
    from. I haven't accepted him yet.
[15:17] Gin
    Yeah, dumbass.
[15:19] Gin
    It's way too early for a runt like her to
    be getting into an illicit relationship.
[15:24] Gin
    Who gave her permission to ride
    the escalator to adulthood?
[15:28] Gin
    Who does she think raised
    her until now? Damn it all.
[15:33] UB
    Uh, that's my line.
[15:36] UB
    When exactly did you raise her?
[15:40] Gin
    You neglected caring for your
    daughter and your hair, cue ball.
[15:43] Gin
    It's too late for you to
    start acting like a dad!
[15:45] UB
    I didn't neglect anything!
[15:47] UB
    I simply respected the independence
    of my daughter and my hair!
[15:49] UB
    They've both just gone
    to study abroad, is all!
[15:51] Gin
    But they've totally run into trouble there!
[15:54] Gin
    They're never coming back now!
[15:56] UB
    They will! They'll come home all blonde!
[15:59] Shin
    Oh, jeez. Stop it, you two.
[16:02] Shin
    I understand why you're so worried,
[16:05] Shin
    but everyone with a daughter has
    to face this day eventually.
[16:09] Shin
    He must be a nice boy, considering
    Kagura-chan accepted him.
[16:14] Shin
    But if we, the hosts, act like this,
    we'll end up embarrassing her.
[16:21] Shin
    While it might get a bit lonely,
[16:23] Shin
    we must grow up, too.
[16:26] Shin
    Well, I'll be leaving now.
[16:28] Shin
    You two make sure to act
    like grown-ups tomorrow.
[16:38] UB
    Grown-up, huh?
[16:40] UB
    Yeah, it's really childish to get
    this worked up over a boyfriend.
[16:46] UB
    I get it. I really do.
[16:49] UB
    When she was a baby, I used to be so
    happy to see her grow up by the day.
[16:53] UB
    Be it her first steps, or when
    she first learned to speak,
[16:57] UB
    everything was a life-changing experience.
[17:00] UB
    When was it that I stopped
    finding joy in her growing up?
[17:06] UB
    When did I start feeling
    more lonely than happy?
[17:11] Gin
    I used to think a grown-up's job was to
    run in front while the kids follow behind.
[17:18] Gin
    But when they eventually overtake us,
[17:21] Gin
    it's also our job to send
    them off with a smile, huh?
[17:26] Gin
    Man, I can still keep running, though.
[17:32] UB
    That's exactly it.
[17:34] UB
    You and I are both still snot-faced brats.
[17:38] Gin
    Shall we take them, too...
[17:41] Gin
    The stairs to adulthood?
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[17:56] Shin
    I wonder if those two will be all right.
[17:58] Shin
    They were acting like children last night,
[18:00] Shin
    but they did promise to
    behave like adults today.
[18:03] Shin
    I guess it should be okay.
[18:06] Bo
    Welcome!
[18:08] Bo
    Welcome to the Sakata household!
[18:12] Gin
    Oh, it's just you, Shinpachi-kun.
[18:15] Shin
    What are you doing? That'd scare
    the living daylights out of anyone!
[18:18] UB
    Sorry, sorry.
[18:19] UB
    We've been waiting in standby since
    last night for the boyfriend to arrive,
[18:23] UB
    so we got a little too excited.
[18:24] Shin
    Since last night?!
[18:25] Gin
    And when we practiced our smiles so we
    could welcome the boyfriend with a smile,
[18:28] Gin
    we fell into a "how do you smile,"
[18:30] Gin
    "what even is a smile,"
[18:32] Gin
    and "how is 'smile' spelled" loop.
[18:35] UB
    Are we smiling? Have we managed to smile?
[18:38] Shin
    Yeah, but there's nothing happy about it!
[18:40] UB
    We'll be grown-ups today.
[18:42] UB
    We won't embarrass Kagura.
[18:45] UB
    You don't need to worry.
[18:46] Shin
    Uh, where will you find
    grown-ups who smile like that?
[18:48] Shin
    It's nice that you tried to better
    yourselves, but you took it too far!
[18:50] Shin
    You need to be more natural!
[18:52] UB
    We know, Shinpachi-kun.
[18:55] UB
    Acting too high-and-mighty would only
    put unnecessary pressure on the boy.
[19:01] UB
    Relax.
[19:02] UB
    We're grown-ups today.
[19:04] Gin
    But as grown-ups, we can't
    really dress casually here...
[19:09] Bo
    ...so we decided to get
    some formals at least.
[19:10] Shin
    You took growing up too literally!
[19:13] Shin
    What the hell are you two doing?
[19:14] Shin
    Is this what you meant by being grown up?
[19:16] UB
    Huh?
[19:16] Gin
    What do you mean?
[19:17] Shin
    Don't give me that!
[19:18] Shin
    You're intimidating as hell!
[19:19] Shin
    You can feel the pressure in the air!
[19:21] Gin
    You must be imagining things.
[19:22] Gin
    Upper bodies in this anime
    have always been like this.
[19:26] Shin
    When did we become Captain Tsubasa?!
[19:28] Gin
    Calm down, Shinpachi.
[19:30] Gin
    You're the one acting unnatural.
[19:32] Gin
    We're the hosts. We just need to be
    ready to welcome with open arms.
[19:36] Shin
    No, you're the unnatural one!
    And your open arms are way too big!
SIGN    Great Nature Deism Daily
[19:40] Gin
    Huh? Isn't this yesterday's
    Great Nature paper?
[19:43] Gin
    Jeez, throw it away.
[19:44] Shin
    What the hell kind of
    newspaper are you reading?
[19:46] Shin
    Stop it! It'll make the family situation
    look complicated and troublesome!
[19:51] UB
    Oh, Mother.
[19:52] UB
    Oh, Gaia.
[19:53] UB
    Kagura-chan is bringing her boyfriend over.
[19:56] UB
    We'll gain another follower.
[19:58] Shin
    Hey! Who said you could build
    a creepy altar in our place?!
[20:01] Shin
    What're you praying to it for?!
[20:02] Shin
    What kind of secrets does this family have?!
[20:04] Gin
    This is it, right? We just have
    to act naturally like this, right?
[20:07] Shin
    This is too scary!
[20:09] Shin
    You got so conscious about the natural part,
[20:10] Shin
    you've made this household
    nothing but unnatural!
[20:12] Shin
    Forget her boyfriend, Kagura-chan
    will lose all her friends like this!
[20:16] Kag
    Hey.
[20:17] Kag
    I brought my boyfriend.
[20:21] Shin
    I gotta clean all of this up!
[20:23] Shin
    Listen up. You two just try
    not to do anything stupid.
[20:26] Shin
    Just smile and sit there. Got that?
[20:31] Gin
    Hey, you remember the agreement, right?
[20:34] UB
    Yeah.
[20:34] Gin
    If one of us goes out of control, the
    other will stop him, no matter what.
[20:38] Gin
    As Kagura's guardian and Kagura's father,
[20:40] Gin
    we must act like grown-ups
    and not embarrass ourselves.
[20:43] UB
    But don't let him walk over you.
[20:45] UB
    Say what you need to.
[20:47] UB
    If they're willing to have a clean
    relationship befitting their age,
[20:50] UB
    we won't stand in their way.
    We must make that clear.
[20:53] UB
    It's okay.
[20:54] UB
    I only saw him from behind,
    but he was a normal kid.
[20:58] UB
    If grown-ups talk to him
    seriously, he should understand.
[21:02] UB
    I mean, look how grown up we are.
[21:04] UB
    He's probably never seen
    anyone this grown up.
[21:11] Gin
    What's up, Kagura? Where's your boyfriend?
[21:14] Kag
    He said he can't come inside.
[21:16] Gin
    Huh? Is he feeling shy?
[21:18] Gin
    Just tell him to come in.
[21:20] Kag
    Like I said, he's saying
    he can't come inside.
[21:22] Gin
    Oh, for crying out loud.
    Did he get cold feet?
[21:25] Gin
    Hey, boyfriend! You can come in!
[21:28] Gin
    There's nothing to be afraid of!
[21:31] Gin
    He's kinda pathetic.
[21:34] Gin
    Is this gonna be okay?
[21:35] UB
    Well, I guess I can understand.
[21:37] UB
    I mean, there are two grown-ass grown-ups
    here. Of course he'd be scared.
[21:41] UB
    He's only a child. A big baby.
[22:03] Bo
    He really is a big baby!
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Preview
[23:40] Kag
    The guys are whining too much
    just because I got a boyfriend.
[23:43] Kag
    Girls eventually start staying out late and
    coming back the next morning on their own.
[23:48] Kag
    Get ready for it!
SIGN    My Bald Dad, My Light-Haired
    Dad, and My Dad's Glasses
[23:49] Kag
    Next time: "My Bald Dad, My Light-Haired
    Dad, and My Dad's Glasses."
SIGN    Kagura brought home her big boyfriend.
SIGN    It shocked even the grown-ass grown-ups.
SIGN    What's more, casual introductions won't be enough?
SIGN    Their relationship takes a sudden turn?!

E330 - My Bald Dad, My Light-Haired Dad, and My Dad's Glasses

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:05] Kag
    Let me introduce you, 'kay?
[00:06] Kag
    This is my boyfriend,
    Dai-chan from Planet Titan.
[00:10] Shin
    Huh?
[00:11] Shin
    Wait, what?!
[00:14] Shin
    Kagura-chan, what do you mean, Titan?!
[00:17] Gin
    Hey, what's the meaning of
    this? This isn't what you said!
[00:21] UB
    Kagura-chan, who was the boy
    that gave you the letter, then?
[00:24] Kag
    Oh, he was just a friend who handed
    over the letter in Dai-chan's place.
[00:29] Kag
    Dai-chan's too big to write a letter,
[00:32] Kag
    and it seems he was too shy
    to hand it over himself.
[00:34] Shin
    Uh... Wait, you actually
    had such a huge friend?
[00:38] Kag
    Yep. Soyo-chan introduced us.
[00:41] Shin
    The princess?
[00:42] Kag
    Believe it or not, Dai-chan's
    the prince of Planet Titan.
[00:45] Kag
    But being so big, he had no one to play with
    and nowhere he could play, so he was bored.
[00:53] Kag
    So I played with him, 'kay?
[00:55] Kag
    And then he got attached to me.
[01:03] G
    Monsters!
[01:04] Gin
    I don't know if I'd call this "attached"...
[01:07] Bo
    It looks more like he brought
    an army to conquer Earth!
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Slip Arc
SIGN    My Bald Dad, My Light-Haired
    Dad, and My Dad's Glasses
SIGN    Watch the Slip Arc in a bright room and
    at a safe distance from your TV!
[02:48] Kag
    Awesome, right? I totally got the
    jump on the bingo balls of life.
[02:51] Gin
    You may have hit bingo with royalty...
[02:53] Gin
    But his balls are way too big! Riding those
    would be harder than riding a Gundam!
[02:57] Kag
    Anyway, don't be so nervous,
    'kay? Take a seat, Dai-chan.
[03:05] Gin
    Huh? Wait, what now?
[03:08] Gin
    Is this the boy? Is this
    really the boyfriend?
[03:10] Gin
    What's a "boyfriend,"
    again? How is it spelled?
[03:13] UB
    Calm down. He's just a big boyfriend.
[03:16] UB
    A father whose daughter's boyfriend
    thinks he's a pushover is done for.
[03:19] UB
    Oh, I see. So you're Kagura's boyfriend.
[03:23] UB
    Thanks for being there for her.
[03:25] UB
    I'm her father.
[03:26] Gin
    That's the space-famous Umibozu for you.
[03:29] Gin
    With no fear of the massive boyfriend,
    he showed off how dignified a father can be.
[03:38] Gin
    F-F...
[03:40] Gin
    Father!
[03:42] Shin
    Umibozu-san!
[03:44] Shin
    He's been turned to mincemeat!
    Only one of his blls remains!
[03:47] Gin
    That's not one of his blls!
    It's just his cue ball!
[03:49] Dai
    Ah, my bad.
[03:51] Dai
    Damn, I overdid it.
[03:53] Dai
    I ain't been on Earth long,
[03:57] Dai
    so I don't really get how to do
    greetings or, like, the bowing thing.
[04:01] Dai
    And, like, I can't stand that
    kinda formal crap, anyway.
[04:06] Dai
    You can ignore the prince thing, so why
    don't we keep things frank and casual, Pops?
[04:11] Dai
    Since you're Kagura's old man,
    I already consider you a bro.
[04:15] Dai
    Oh, could you tell me your email address?
[04:17] UB
    I see. Then I'll tell you...
[04:20] UB
    the email address to Hell!
[04:26] Gin
    Why me?!
[04:27] UB
    C-Calm down! Grow up!
[04:30] UB
    You promised to be a grown-up today!
[04:31] Gin
    You calm down!
[04:33] UB
    He comes across as incredibly audacious,
    but I'm imagining things, right?
[04:36] UB
    It just seems like he's looking down
    on us because he's so huge, right?
[04:38] UB
    Kids these days are all
    like that, right? Right?!
[04:41] Gin
    We'll never get anywhere if you
    get pissed by whatever a kid says.
[04:45] Gin
    Let me handle this.
[04:47] Gin
    Y-Yeah, Earth's societal norms
    are too complicated, huh?
[04:51] Gin
    We just wanted to meet
    Kagura's friend, is all.
[04:55] Gin
    Anyway, make yourself at home. Want some tea?
[04:57] Dai
    Nah, I'm good. I'm chewing gum.
[04:59] Gin
    Really? We have snacks, too.
[05:02] Dai
    Seriously, I'm good. Earth
    food doesn't suit my taste.
[05:05] Gin
    Oh, really?
[05:06] Gin
    Could he be any more blunt?
    Is he messing with me?
[05:10] Gin
    What do you usually eat?
[05:11] Gin
    Your size must complicate things.
[05:15] Dai
    Hip hop.
[05:16] Gin
    What do you mean, you eat hip hop?
[05:19] Dai
    The only things on Earth that suit
    my tastes are hip hop and reggae.
[05:24] Dai
    They're music of the soul, check it out.
[05:28] Kag
    Apparently, everyone on
    his planet is a b-boy.
[05:31] Gin
    Uh, you guys are just big boys!
[05:33] Dai
    Everything else is old-fashioned and lame.
[05:36] Gin
    Look who's talking! You're
    all dressed like cavemen!
[05:40] Dai
    Honestly, I was shocked I had to
    come meet my girlfriend's folks.
[05:43] Gin
    Huh? Why?
[05:44] Dai
    What matters is how the couple
    feels in their hearts.
[05:48] Dai
    Parents sticking their nose
    into it is totally lame, I say.
[05:52] Dai
    Earth is pretty behind the times, huh?
[05:54] Gin
    Really? I can't tell. Are we?
[05:58] Gin
    Anyway, isn't it normal to be worried about
    the kind of friends your daughter has?
[06:03] Gin
    Right, Kagura?
[06:04] Dai
    Y'know, I've been meaning to point this out.
[06:06] Dai
    I'm not her friend.
[06:08] Dai
    I'm her boyfriend.
[06:10] Gin
    Oh, sorry. Boyfriend, huh?
[06:12] Gin
    I hate to say it, but that
    word doesn't exist on Earth.
[06:15] Gin
    Right, Kagura?
[06:16] Dai
    Hey, can I be straight with you?
    Who are you to Kagura?
[06:20] Dai
    I don't want some rando calling
    her "Kagura" like they're close.
[06:23] Dai
    She's my gal.
[06:26] Kag
    Dai-chan, I mentioned this before.
[06:28] Kag
    Gin-chan's my Earth dad.
[06:32] Kag
    Wait, brother?
[06:36] Kag
    Oh, I know. He's like crab lice, 'kay?
[06:37] Gin
    Why did I regress to being crab lice?!
[06:40] Dai
    Y'know, you're going out with me.
    Why are you still living with your ex?
[06:44] Dai
    I won't stand for half-assing
    things like that.
[06:47] Dai
    Keep messing with my gal,
    and I'll make a mess of Earth.
[06:51] Dai
    FYI, we could wipe out your
    Earth if we wanted to.
[06:55] Dai
    If I say the word, my bros all
    over the galaxy will gather here.
[06:58] Gin
    Bring it!
[06:59] Gin
    Attack on anytime you want, titans!
[07:02] Gin
    I'll force a retreat back into space!
[07:05] Gin
    For your hairline, that is!
[07:10] UB
    Why my hairline?!
[07:12] Gin
    Calm down! You're a grown-up!
[07:14] Gin
    Now we're even!
[07:15] UB
    Grown-ups don't obsess over getting even!
[07:17] Gin
    I'm imagining things, right?
[07:18] Gin
    Some brain-dead boy is saying
    he'll wipe out Earth,
[07:21] Gin
    but only your hair roots
    will be wiped out, right?
[07:23] Gin
    Right? Right?!
[07:24] UB
    Just calm down, you two.
[07:27] UB
    Dai-kun, it's not what you think.
    These two aren't like that.
[07:30] UB
    Kagura's only working a live-in job here.
[07:33] UB
    Honestly, I'm against it too,
    but she doesn't listen to me.
[07:36] Dai
    For real? Who would want to work here?
[07:39] Shin
    Calm down!
[07:40] Dai
    But you can rest assured, Pops.
[07:43] Dai
    I'm gonna finish my work
    here and go back home soon.
[07:46] Dai
    I plan on taking Kagura with me.
[07:49] Kag
    Hey, what are you talking about?
[07:52] Dai
    Oh, keep your mouth shut.
[07:54] Dai
    I don't intend to half-ass
    things with Kagura.
[07:59] Dai
    I'm gonna marry her.
[08:04] Shin
    Hey! What are you two doing?!
[08:07] UB
    I'm imagining things, right?
[08:08] UB
    I think I heard the word "marry" just now,
    but I'm just imagining things, right?
[08:11] Gin
    Yeah, that's right. It's
    totally just your imagination.
[08:14] Kag
    Who said you could talk like that?
[08:16] Kag
    Marry me? That's news to me.
[08:18] Dai
    Oh, keep your mouth shut!
[08:20] Dai
    We're discussing something important here.
[08:22] Gin
    Uh, I'm not sure I follow. Aren't
    you skipping a few too many steps?
[08:26] Gin
    That stuff comes after
    dating and things going well.
[08:28] Gin
    And you haven't even started dating yet.
[08:30] Dai
    We don't need to do all that crap.
[08:33] Dai
    We're soulmates. Our hearts
    are totally resonating.
[08:38] Gin
    Oh, really?
[08:40] UB
    Now, now. Puppy love makes your
    mind go blank and blinds you.
[08:46] UB
    Most people start finding tons of faults
[08:48] UB
    and come to hate each other eventually.
[08:50] Dai
    Nah, that ain't happening with us.
[08:52] Dai
    I ain't got any faults.
[08:54] Dai
    And even if Kagura does, I've got
    the heart to accept them all.
[08:58] UB
    Oh, really?
[09:00] Gin
    Nah, you won't be saying that for long.
[09:04] Gin
    You'll learn how big a glutton
    she is once you live with her.
[09:07] Gin
    She'll destroy your food budget.
[09:08] Gin
    Plus she's crude and can't
    cook anything but egg-on-rice.
[09:11] Gin
    She's sure to be a useless housewife
    who doesn't do any housework.
[09:15] UB
    Yeah, yeah.
[09:16] UB
    Plus she's a 'kay addict
    who needs a trip to 'Kay A.
[09:19] UB
    And your kids will 100%
    inherit the bald gene.
[09:21] UB
    What do you even see in her?
[09:22] UB
    If I were you, I'd never pick her up
    if she was lying on the street.
[09:25] UB
    I'd take her to the lost and found!
[09:27] Kag
    Oh, really?!
[09:31] Kag
    This is perfect, then.
[09:33] Kag
    You can marry me off and get rid of me.
[09:36] Kag
    Fine by me, 'kay? I don't like
    half-assing things, either.
[09:39] Kag
    Guess we can date with
    an eye toward marriage.
[09:42] UB
    Wait!
[09:43] Gin
    That's not it!
[09:45] Dai
    Well, there you have it. You'll
    give us your blessings, right?
[09:49] Shin
    Now, now.
[09:50] Shin
    Calm down, all of you.
[09:52] Shin
    Putting aside the taking Kagura-chan
    along thing for now...
[09:55] Shin
    We'll just take it as a sign that you're
    serious about this relationship.
[10:00] Shin
    That's okay, right?
[10:01] Bo
    Hell no!
[10:04] UB
    You're just a rotten virgin with
    zero experience! Stay out of this!
[10:07] UB
    They're not getting engaged
    at such a young age!
[10:10] Gin
    Quit mouthing off about your naïve ideals!
[10:12] Gin
    Love is just a illusion!
[10:14] Gin
    True love only begins once that
    illusion wears off, you stupid brats!
[10:16] Shin
    Tell them, not me!
[10:19] Bo
    We're being grown-ups here
    because you told us to grow up!
[10:22] Shin
    Then say what you're
    supposed to as grown-ups!
[10:25] Gin
    What the hell, man?
    What's a grown-up, anyway?
[10:27] Gin
    I don't know anymore!
[10:28] Shin
    Meanwhile, those two went off on their date!
[10:34] Bo
    Ack!
[10:39] Kag
    Man, dating is a pain.
[10:43] Kag
    Can't we just stay friends?
[10:46] Kag
    We're only gonna be sparring
    like usual anyway, right?
[10:49] Dai
    Nah, it was only during the day so far,
[10:51] Dai
    but now we'll be able to spar at night, too.
[10:55] Dai
    More than anything, I don't
    wanna let anyone else have you.
[10:57] Kag
    I don't see why I have to be monopolized
    by either you or those morons.
[11:01] Dai
    Are you stupid? You know that ain't it.
[11:04] Dai
    If you love someone, you
    wanna make them yours alone.
[11:07] Dai
    Ain't it only natural to feel that way?
[11:10] Kag
    Well, I wouldn't really care
    if someone else took you.
[11:14] Dai
    Y-You just haven't realized that you're
    in love yet because you're such a child!
[11:18] Kag
    Then what? Those morons are saying
    they don't wanna give me away.
[11:21] Kag
    Are they in love with me, too?
[11:22] Dai
    That's a different kinda love. Like, familial.
[11:25] Dai
    But we gotta distance ourselves from
    that and find our own love someday.
[11:30] Kag
    I see. But in a way, they love me too, huh?
[11:37] Dai
    Hey, what are you smirking for?
[11:40] Kag
    No reason.
[11:43] Kag
    It's been a long day. I'm exhausted.
[11:46] Kag
    Let's save the date for another day, 'kay?
[11:48] Dai
    What? Why?!
[11:50] Dai
    I said I'm going back home soon, didn't I?
[11:53] Kag
    We can just have a
    long-distance relationship.
[11:55] Dai
    Hey, wait up!
[11:57] Dai
    Are you okay with being separated from me?
[12:00] Dai
    I could cheat on you back
    home! You okay with that?!
[12:03] Kag
    That's pretty much it, Dai-chan.
[12:05] Kag
    You can find love scattered anywhere.
[12:08] Kag
    But those scatterbrains...
[12:11] Kag
    ...I can only find here.
[12:15] Kag
    See you.
[12:16] Kag
    Write to me, 'kay?
[12:21] Dai
    I ain't letting you go, Kagura.
[12:24] Dai
    I ain't gonna accept a
    long-distance relationship.
[12:31] Dai
    I finally found robust genes that are
    worthy of being inherited by titans.
[12:39] Dai
    I can't let the people on this planet
    keep them all to themselves.
[12:45] Soyo
    What?!
[12:46] Soyo
    Kagura-chan and Prince Dai?!
[12:49] Soyo
    I didn't know those two had
    that kind of relationship.
[12:53] Soyo
    He took Kagura-chan from me.
    I feel a little burned.
[12:58] Bo
    Things really will burn.
[13:00] UB
    If you don't tell us where
    they hang out right now...
[13:05] Gin
    ...we'll burn down your castle.
[13:07] Shin
    Hey! The princess has
    nothing to do with this!
[13:10] Shin
    She didn't do anything wrong!
[13:12] Gin
    But you're the one who introduced
    him to Kagura, right?
[13:15] Gin
    Where did you guys hang out?
[13:17] Gin
    Which love hotel district?
    Which storeroom behind a gym?
[13:20] Gin
    Which orgy venue?
[13:21] Soyo
    We'd never hang out at such places!
[13:24] Soyo
    I-It was usually the
    river bank or the park...
[13:28] Soyo
    Hey!
[13:29] Soyo
    They might be gone already!
[13:33] Shin
    There they go.
[13:35] Shin
    What do you mean, they might be gone?
[13:39] Soyo
    Despite what the titans look like,
[13:43] Soyo
    they're a peaceful and quiet race as
    long as they can listen to hip hop.
[13:48] Soyo
    There's just one thing.
[13:50] Soyo
    Titan royalty have looked for their
    brides on other planets for generations.
[13:56] Soyo
    But what they do after
    they find her is crazy.
[14:00] Soyo
    They look to monopolize her genes.
[14:03] Soyo
    To prevent the spread of their perfect
    spouse's genes outside their own race,
[14:08] Soyo
    they eradicate all life on
    the bride's home planet,
[14:12] Soyo
    leaving no traces,
    not even a strand of DNA.
SIGN    Massive UFO in Edo Skies
[14:20] Hana
    Are you all seeing this?
[14:22] Hana
    Titans suddenly appeared in Edo,
[14:25] Hana
    with a huge ship that nearly covers
    the entire sky above the city.
[14:29] Hana
    Just who are they?
[14:32] Shin
    Dai-kun will destroy Earth?
[14:35] Shin
    No way! Did we treat him badly?
[14:37] Shin
    Did we act too much like
    an annoying mother-in-law?!
[14:40] Soyo
    That's not really the issue.
[14:43] Shin
    Forget coming to take our girl,
[14:46] Shin
    he came to take our Earth?!
[14:48] Shin
    Forget the bingo balls of life,
[14:49] Shin
    he came to crush the
    ball that gives us life?!
[14:53] Soyo
    We must stop the titans at once.
[14:55] Soyo
    I'll let Brother know and have the
    Bakufu Army move out right away.
[14:59] Shin
    You've got it wrong.
[15:01] Shin
    They aren't the ones we need to stop.
[15:06] Shin
    The titans aren't the ones we
    need to be truly afraid of.
[15:11] Hana
    Oh, look at that!
[15:13] Hana
    An army of titans dressed in
    formal attire is descending on us!
[15:22] Dai
    Earthlings.
[15:24] Dai
    As Planet Titan's representative,
    allow me to express our gratitude.
[15:30] Dai
    You have our heartfelt gratitude
    for giving us the perfect bride.
[15:38] Dai
    Rejoice.
[15:40] Dai
    With this ceremony,
[15:41] Dai
    Earthling DNA will gain eternal
    prosperity along with us titans.
[15:51] Dai
    Please give your blessings
    to our marriage ceremony.
[15:57] Hana
    I-Is this a wedding?
[16:00] Hana
    The titans have destroyed the city
    and built a big marriage venue!
[16:05] Hana
    Wait, is that...
[16:06] Hana
    An Earthling girl?!
[16:08] Hana
    The titans have taken a lone girl captive!
[16:12] P
    Do you promise to be true to
    her in good times and bad,
[16:16] P
    in sickness and in health, and to love
    and honor her all the days of your life?
[16:22] Dai
    I do.
[16:24] Hana
    Is this a ceremony to take
    that girl as his wife?
[16:29] P
    Bride. Do you promise to be true
    to him in good times and bad,
[16:33] P
    in sickness and in health, and to love
    and honor him all the days of your life?
[16:37] Dai
    She said she does.
[16:39] P
    You may now seal your vows with a kiss.
[16:46] Hana
    That innocent girl's purity is about
    to be taken by those massive lips!
[16:52] Dai
    Kagura...
[16:53] Dai
    Now your strong genes belong to me!
[16:57] Dai
    You should just look at me, and me alone.
[17:02] Shin
    Hold it right there!
[17:08] Dai
    Wait, father!
[17:09] Dai
    We can't! I don't swing that way!
[17:12] Dai
    Father? Father!
[17:16] Shin
    Dai-kun.
[17:17] Shin
    I'm sorry, but I can't
    let you have Kagura-chan.
[17:21] Shin
    You don't have the right
[17:25] Shin
    to call yourself her boyfriend.
[17:27] Dai
    Damn you...
[17:28] Dai
    How dare you ruin this sacred
    ceremony and my first kiss?!
[17:35] Shin
    It's too bad.
[17:36] Shin
    In your obsession with keeping
    Kagura-chan to yourself,
[17:39] Shin
    you trampled on her feelings and tried
    to take away something precious to her.
[17:43] Dai
    This has nothing to do with you! Piss off!
[17:46] Shin
    Do you understand?!
[17:48] Shin
    The dear daughter he raised was
    taken from him by some random guy,
[17:53] Shin
    and yet, for her sake, he tried
    to welcome him with a smile.
[17:56] Shin
    Do you understand that
    bald father's feelings?
[17:59] Shin
    Do you understand?
[18:00] Shin
    He let go of the person he'd
    protected with care for so long,
[18:03] Shin
    believed in the man she chose, and even
    tried to entrust his sword to him.
[18:08] Shin
    Do you understand that
    light-haired father's feelings?
[18:11] Shin
    Do you understand?
[18:12] Shin
    He actually felt really sad,
[18:14] Shin
    but held back his tears and played
    the straight man for Kagura's sake.
[18:18] Shin
    Do you understand how those
    father's glasses felt?!
[18:20] Dai
    Will you guys shut up about fathers already?
[18:23] Dai
    Quit poking your nose in
    a couple's relationship!
[18:25] Dai
    It's gross as hell!
[18:27] Dai
    If you can't let your child go,
    I'll lop off your arm for you!
[18:32] Dai
    Before the ceremony, cause a bloodbath
    with the annoying apes of Earth!
[18:37] Dai
    Offer them up as sacrifices for our wedding!
[18:40] Dai
    Attack on, titans!
[18:42] Hana
    Oh, no! Titans are pouring
    out of their mother ship!
[18:45] Hana
    Are we witnessing the apocalypse?!
[18:48] Dai
    Adios, fathers.
[18:50] Dai
    Your dear daughter belongs
    to me, the great Dai!
[18:54] Dai
    Huh? I don't think we arranged
    for a rice shower...
[18:59] Hana
    A rain of blood?
[19:01] Hana
    Can you believe it? Instead of a rice shower,
    a red shower of blood is raining down!
[19:06] Hana
    It's the blood of titans!
[19:08] Hana
    This isn't titans attacking on!
    It's an attack on titans!
[19:11] Dai
    N-No way.
[19:14] Shin
    Gross?
[19:17] Shin
    Fine by us.
[19:18] Shin
    Be it a boyfriend's possessiveness toward
    his girl, or a race's possessiveness,
[19:23] Shin
    all men are gross in one way
    or another, including you.
[19:25] Shin
    But that's nothing.
[19:27] Shin
    You're up against a father's gross
    possessiveness toward his daughter.
[19:31] Shin
    Don't think you can beat that!
[19:35] Gin
    Hey, boyfriend. I'm impressed.
[19:38] Gin
    I never expected you to be prepared
    to destroy Earth to make Kagura yours.
[19:44] Gin
    When you're asking someone for their
    daughter they raised with love,
[19:48] Gin
    you do need the balls to
    take an entire planet.
[19:51] Gin
    Yeah, it takes balls from
    both the taker and the giver.
[19:55] Dai
    You guys want to start a planetary
    war over a single girl?!
[20:00] UB
    As if grown-ass grown-ups would ever
    do that for a filthy brat like her.
[20:06] Gin
    You can take her with you, but...
[20:09] Bo
    Only once you grow up and learn how to bow!
[20:19] Gin
    We finally said something grown up.
[20:22] UB
    Yeah.
[20:23] UB
    Now we're full-fledged adults, too.
[20:26] Bo
    Oh...
[20:27] Bo
    We forgot about Kagura.
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[20:41] Shin
    Whoa, hold it.
[20:42] Shin
    What's with that huge letter?
[20:44] Kag
    It's a letter from Dai-chan from back home.
[20:48] Kag
    You guys should read it, too.
[20:49] Shin
    What? From that prince?
[20:52] Shin
    Are we gonna be okay? He's not
    declaring war or anything, right?
[20:55] Shin
    If he comes back to take Kagura-chan,
     what do we do, Gin-san?
[20:59] Gin
    Shinpachi, send a reply at once.
[21:01] UB
    "She's a good-for-nothing
    daughter, but please take—"
[21:07] Shin
    Uh...
[21:08] Shin
    "Thanks for taking care of
    me during my stay on Earth.
[21:12] Shin
    Interacting with a different culture,
    I've realized the importance of family.
[21:15] Shin
    In particular, I had the opportunity to
    learn all too well how great fathers are.
[21:18] Shin
    It was a great learning experience."
[21:20] Shin
    Huh? He's turned over a new leaf
    and become a different person!
[21:24] UB
    Well, his letters are always polite.
[21:27] Dai
    The next time I get a girlfriend,
[21:29] Dai
    I want to forget about our dated and evil
    customs and treat her family well, too.
[21:33] Dai
    In particular, I'll treat the father well.
[21:35] Dai
    I'll try not to defy the
    father, no matter what.
[21:38] Shin
    Uh, fathers have totally
    become a trauma to him now.
[21:41] UB
    Well, a lot happened, but
    all's well that ends well.
[21:45] UB
    He took a step forward as a person.
[21:47] UB
    With this, the home planet of those
    lugs should improve a little bit.
[21:50] Gin
    Apparently not.
[21:53] Dai
    P.S. I recently found some
    amazing genes that interest me.
[21:57] Dai
    Fathers really are amazing, huh?
[22:02] Shin
    Um...
[22:03] Shin
    I don't know about improving. If this
    keeps up, their planet will die out.
[22:07] Gin
    This is on you.
[22:08] Gin
    He awakened to the other side because
    of what you did to the priest.
[22:10] Shin
    Don't pin all the blame on me!
    You did this by going too far!
[22:13] Gin
    Tell the old man that. I'm not the father.
[22:16] UB
    What do you mean? I'm still
    young enough to be called "bro"!
[22:18] Gin
    Yeah, right, "bro." More like
    your hair all went "go home."
[22:21] UB
    They didn't go home! I'm
    still attacking on, fightan!
[22:23] Shin
    What happened to bro?
[22:25] Kag
    To Dai-chan.
[22:26] Kag
    I learned a lot thanks to you, too.
[22:30] Kag
    I don't really get the difference
    between romantic and familial love yet,
[22:34] Kag
    but for now,
[22:37] Kag
    I'm fine with having just
    these guys as boyfriends.
SIGN    A Bowl of Ramen
[23:49] Gin
    Next time: "A Bowl of Ramen."
SIGN    Next time, the widow running a ramen place,
SIGN    Ikumatsu, makes an appearance after ten long years.
SIGN    We have the always familiar, the nostalgic,
SIGN    and the somewhat different people all in one big gathering.

E331 - A Bowl of Ramen

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:05] (Flashback) H
    Here's your ramen!
[00:07] I
    Late on New Year's Eve,
[00:09] I
    that scruffy-looking man ordered not
    New Year's soba, but a bowl of ramen.
[00:16] I
    "I can't eat this much."
[00:19] I
    Saying that, the man took two extra cups,
    divided his ramen into three portions,
[00:23] I
    and shared them with my husband and me.
[00:26] I
    And after devouring his
    portion in an instant,
[00:30] I
    he left, walking down the wintry
    streets with his stomach rumbling.
[00:38] I
    The next year, and the year after that...
SIGN    Hokuto Shinken
[00:41] I
    Every New Year's Eve, that man would visit.
[00:44] I
    He would always use
    what little money he had
[00:48] I
    to order a bowl of ramen
    and share it with us.
[00:53] I
    Each time, my husband would
    divide it into three portions,
[00:56] I
    load one of them up with pork topping,
    and serve it to the man.
[01:01] I
    Meanwhile, he would slurp on
    ramen that was nothing but soup.
[01:05] (Flashback) H
    Ikumatsu.
[01:07] (Flashback) H
    This is our restaurant's
    year-end tradition now.
[01:12] (Flashback) H
    Should anything happen to me,
    make sure you keep it going.
[01:17] I
    That would turn out to be the last
    bowl of ramen my husband ever made.
[01:22] I
    It would also mark the end of the little
    year-end tradition the three of us shared.
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Slip Arc
SIGN    A Bowl of Ramen
SIGN    Hokuto Shinken
SIGN    Watch the Slip Arc in a bright room
    and at a safe distance from your TV!
[03:07] I
    He didn't come last New Year's Eve, either.
SIGN    Ramen
[03:11] I
    Ever since my husband passed away,
    he hasn't shown up at all.
[03:15] I
    He was a strange one.
[03:17] I
    He clearly had no money to spare,
    but he'd share his ramen with us
[03:21] I
    and then leave, still hungry.
[03:23] I
    He must've been really lonely.
[03:26] I
    Maybe he was coming here
    for company, not ramen.
[03:31] I
    Who knows where he is
    and what he's doing now?
[03:34] I
    Meanwhile, here I am,
    upholding my husband's last wish
[03:36] I
    and waiting for him with a bowl
    loaded up with pork topping.
[03:40] I
    Here's your ramen—
[03:42] Shin
    Don't try to hog the pork!
[03:45] Gin
    Shut it! I'm the one who won big at pachinko!
[03:47] Gin
    You sit there and sip on the soup!
[03:49] Kag
    The egg! Let me just have the egg!
[03:50] I
    Jeez, you three.
[03:52] I
    Why not drink a soup of the dirt in that
    old man's nails while you're at it?
[03:56] I
    I hope he's doing just as
    well as you seem to be.
[04:00] I
    I can't help but be worried.
[04:02] Kat
    Ikumatsu-dono, I would say
    your concern is unnecessary.
[04:06] Kat
    If that poor, lonely man was coming here
    seeking company at the end of the year,
[04:12] Kat
    it's actually a good thing
    that he stopped showing up.
[04:16] Kat
    He must've settled down in life
[04:17] Kat
    and found someone he can eat traditional
    New Year's food with instead of ramen.
[04:21] Kat
    Or maybe the ramen here got
    worse once you took over—
[04:25] I
    Here's your soba!
[04:27] Shin
    Y-You know that's not right, Katsura-san!
[04:29] Shin
    Ikumatsu-san's ramen is the best in Edo!
    No, the best in the universe!
[04:33] Shin
    There's no doubt that man is just
    dying to have it one more time, too!
[04:36] Shin
    Right, Ikumatsu-san?
[04:37] Kag
    He's got some nerve to not show any
    gratitude after all that pork he ate.
[04:40] Kag
    If he's got money now, he should come
    back and share some ramen with us.
[04:44] Shin
    What do you have to do with anything?
[04:46] I
    This is a task my husband left to me
    after worrying about it until the end.
[04:51] I
    Taking over the restaurant was all well
    and good, but this lingers with me.
[04:55] I
    And I haven't returned that scarf, either.
[04:57] I
    But you're right.
[04:59] I
    He must be leading such a happy life that
    he forgot all about this dingy ramen shop.
[05:05] I
    I'll just assume that's what happened.
[05:06] I
    Either way, there's nothing I can do
    but stay here and keep making ramen.
[05:14] Gin
    Hey, Zura.
[05:16] Gin
    Unlike you, I'm a busy man.
[05:19] Kat
    I'm not Zura. I'm Katsura.
[05:20] Gin
    I'm in luck today.
[05:22] Gin
    The dice and the cards
    are all waiting for me.
[05:25] Kat
    What's that saying? A fool with a big
    mouth and his money are soon parted?
[05:29] Kat
    I said what I did earlier out of
    consideration for Ikumatsu-dono.
[05:32] Kat
    But Gintoki, what do you think
    happened to that man, honestly?
[05:37] Gin
    He had no home or family,
    and he was old to boot, right?
[05:41] Gin
    Probably died on the streets, at best.
[05:43] Kat
    Probably.
[05:45] Kat
    But that's only if the
    man was truly homeless.
[05:48] Kat
    This scarf he forgot at the restaurant...
[05:51] Kat
    It's worn out from use,
    but it's a high-quality item.
[05:55] Kat
    It would also have stuck out like a sore
    thumb if a homeless man was wearing it.
[05:59] Kat
    We might be able to find him.
[06:01] Kat
    If he's still alive, that is.
[06:04] Kat
    But if you truly are in luck today,
[06:07] Kat
    I might be able to clear
    my tab at Hokuto Shinken.
[06:10] Gin
    Not happening. Anyway,
    what I want to know is...
[06:13] Gin
    Zura, did you get all the way
    to **** base with Ikumatsu?
[06:19] Kat
    O-Of all the disgusting
    accusations! Have some shame!
[06:22] Gin
    I mean, you're always on
    her side for some reason,
[06:24] Gin
    and I keep running into you every
    time I go there for ramen lately.
[06:28] Gin
    So you haven't sealed the deal yet, huh?
[06:29] Gin
    And here I thought you'd already sucked
    on something else besides ramen.
[06:32] Kat
    Don't be stupid!
[06:34] Kat
    As if Ikumatsu-dono and I would
    ever have , get **** and ,
[06:37] Kat
    or worse, **** like *******!
[06:40] Gin
    Uh, I never said anything that vulgar.
[06:43] Gin
    Yeah, you have always been the passive sort.
[06:47] Gin
    So you wanna pound the pavement here and
    then pound Ikumatsu while you're at it, huh?
[06:52] Gin
    If that's how it was,
    you shoulda said so sooner.
[06:54] Gin
    I can give you a discount
    on the cupid service.
[06:57] Kat
    I didn't ask for that!
[06:58] Gin
    Don't play dumb! I know
    your tastes inside and out!
[07:01] Gin
    You've always been into married women.
[07:01] Shin
    That's one weakness I didn't expect.
[07:03] Gin
    Come to think of it, your first love
    as a kid was a neighborhood widow—
[07:07] Kat
    You dare insult a samurai?! Keep it up
    and I won't hesitate to cut even you down!
[07:11] Kat
    I'm not into married women!
[07:14] Kat
    I'm into cuckoldry!
[07:16] Shin
    You just exposed a fetish that's
    totally unbefitting a samurai!
[07:18] Kat
    And it's not Ikumatsu-dono
    that I'm in love with!
[07:21] Kat
    It's the taste of her soba!
[07:23] Kat
    She inherited that from her husband,
[07:25] Kat
    and I just want to make that
    man eat it one more time.
[07:28] Kat
    Eat that bowl of ramen she
    promised her husband to serve.
[07:31] Gin
    How admirable.
[07:33] Gin
    You wanna pound the pavement to help her
    fulfill her promise with your love rival?
[07:38] Kat
    Unfortunately, we're not rivals in love.
[07:41] Kat
    It's not something I will ever be.
[07:44] Kat
    Because Ikumatsu-dono only
    has eyes for one man.
[07:51] Bum
    Hey, what's all that about?
[07:53] Bum
    That's one young newcomer.
[07:56] Kat
    Pleased to meet you.
[07:58] Kat
    I grew sick of being a samurai,
    quit sticking swords in people,
[08:02] Kat
    and chose to stick myself in a cardboard box.
[08:04] Kat
    My name is Katsura Kuzutaro.
[08:06] Kat
    I hope to get along with all of you.
    You may casually call me Kuzura.
[08:10] Bum
    For someone who grew sick of his life,
    you're awfully lively, Kuzura-san.
[08:14] Kat
    I'm not Kuzura! I'm Katsura!
[08:16] Kat
    And this here is my partner, Kuzuta—
[08:20] Gin
    Hey, how did things end up this way?
[08:22] Bum
    The other guy's got the same
    look in his eyes as us.
[08:25] Bum
    Welcome, Kuzuta-san.
[08:27] Bum
    Hey, nice to meetcha.
[08:27] Gin
    As if! Don't lump me in with you lot!
[08:29] Kat
    The best people to ask about a
    homeless man are the homeless.
[08:33] Kat
    I came up with this cover to
    make them less wary of us...
[08:36] Kat
    But I'm amazed you blended in
    instantly. That's my Kuzuta.
[08:40] Gin
    That doesn't make me happy!
[08:42] Gin
    I really should've gone looking for the
    scarf store with Shinpachi and Kagura.
[08:46] Kat
    Sorry, but who among you
    knows a lot about this stuff?
[08:49] Kat
    I have a lot of questions
    regarding the cardboard life.
[08:52] Bum
    Oh, then you should go meet the Lawd.
    You can introduce yourself, too.
[08:56] Kat
    The Lord?
[08:57] Bum
    Yeah. The chief of cardboard boxes
    and leader of all the homeless here.
SIGN    Lawd
[09:02] Bum
    We call him Lawd, for
    Leader At the Waste Dump.
[09:04] Bum
    The Lawd knows all, and he can
    solve most problems you might face.
[09:08] Musashi
    What's going on? It's awfully noisy.
[09:11] Bum
    It's the Lawd! The Lawd has
    graced us with his presence!
[09:19] Gin
    Hey, what are you doing, Hasega—
[09:23] Mu
    Men, throw these two out of Eden at once.
[09:27] Gin
    Uh, what are you talking about?
    What the hell is "Eden"?
[09:30] Gin
    Hey, stop talking through an interpreter.
[09:32] Gin
    You're totally made in Japan.
[09:35] Mu
    These two bring disaster wherever they go.
[09:38] Gin
    Uh, I don't wanna hear that
    from a walking disaster.
[09:42] Gin
    I'm willing to ask as many times as it takes.
[09:43] Gin
    What are you doing? Why are you
    here at your age, Hasega—
[09:47] Mu
    Quit chanting the Hasegawa death spell!
[09:50] Gin
    It's your damn name! And use
    your own mouth to speak!
[09:52] Gin
    You're pissing me off!
[09:54] Mu
    The lower realm's mores don't apply here.
[09:57] Mu
    This is Eden.
[09:58] Mu
    A different world where those who have
    been liberated from everything gather.
[10:02] Gin
    That so?
[10:03] Gin
    I don't care if you're Hasegawa-san
    or the Lawd anymore.
[10:05] Gin
    Just trash either way.
[10:06] Mu
    Who're you calling trash?!
[10:07] Gin
    Say, did you ever see anyone
    wearing this scarf—
[10:10] Mu
    Can't answer that.
[10:12] Mu
    Everyone here is truly free.
[10:15] Mu
    Nobody is allowed to pry into
    or bring up their past lives!
[10:18] Mu
    And we have no information
    to share with outsiders.
[10:22] Mu
    If you wish to become one of us so badly,
[10:25] Mu
    offer me 30 bags of empty cans and
[10:28] Mu
    60 discarded convenience
    store lunch boxes as tribute.
[10:31] Mad
    Got that, uh... Kuzuta-san, was it?
[10:34] Mad
    Only the people who were at rock bottom in
    the lower world can make it to the top here.
[10:40] Gin
    If you're gonna laugh, do it yourself!
[10:44] Bum
    Lawd!
[10:48] West
    Pick up empty cans?
[10:50] West
    Save yer sleeptalkin' for when yer asleep.
[10:52] West
    I thought we made it clear this was our yard.
[10:56] West
    All the empty cans and discarded
    convenience store lunch boxes are ours!
[10:59] West
    You louts hurry up and get
    outta this park already!
[11:01] Gin
    Who the heck are those guys?
[11:02] Bum
    The Westside Gang!
[11:03] Bum
    The armed cardboard gang who control
    the west side of this park!
[11:07] Gin
    What the hell is an armed cardboard gang?
[11:09] Bum
    They're upstarts that use violent oppression
    to expand their rule on cardboard!
[11:14] Gin
    Wait, what? Did we enter the Warring
    Cardboard Era while I wasn't paying attention?
[11:20] Mu
    Get outta here!
[11:22] Mu
    This is a free utopia!
[11:24] Mu
    We won't hand it over, no
    matter how many times you try.
[11:26] Gin
    You're stepping on the Lawd!
    He was trying to say something!
[11:28] Mu
    We won't give in to violence!
[11:30] Mu
    We only fall to our knees
    in our cardboard boxes!
[11:33] Gin
    But the Lawd's totally giving
    in to violence beneath you!
[11:35] Gin
    And this interpreter's just
    running his mouth now, isn't he?
[11:38] Bum
    Interpreter? What are you saying, Kuzuta-san?
[11:41] Bum
    This is the Lawd.
[11:43] Gin
    What?! He was the Lawd all along?!
[11:46] Gin
    Then what was with the old man next
    to him who was dressed all godlike?
[11:49] Bum
    That's the guy always mumbling
    something by the Lawd's side.
[11:52] Gin
    In the end, you've hit rock
    bottom in this world, too!
[11:56] Bro
    Now there's a face that takes me back.
[11:58] Bro
    I found an unexpected diamond
    buried in the trash.
[12:03] Bro
    I see.
[12:04] Bro
    So you came here, too...
[12:07] Bro
    Katsura!
[12:08] Kat
    Y-You're...
[12:14] Gin
    Who are you, again?
[12:15] Bro
    Don't interpret for the
    people watching at home!
[12:17] Bro
    Don't tell me you forgot...
[12:20] Bro
    How you got me thrown in jail for that woman
[12:23] Bro
    and reduced me to being homeless!
[12:29] Gin
    I see.
[12:30] Gin
    After crossing swords with
    you at the Land of Korin,
[12:32] Gin
    I never expected you to return as a cyborg.
[12:35] Bro
    That's Mercenary Tao!
[12:37] Bro
    Just look at the quality
    difference in our comebacks!
[12:39] Kat
    I remember now! You're Ikumatsu-dono's
    brother from back then...
[12:43] Kat
    Fancy running into you here.
[12:46] Bro
    I'd rather you didn't sum it up so easily.
[12:49] Bro
    I mean, ever since then, I've lived my
    life thinking of nothing but you guys.
[12:54] Bro
    You two ruined my life,
[12:55] Bro
    so I was chomping at the bit for a
    chance to get my revenge on you two!
[13:00] Kat
    Oh? By becoming king of
    this cardboard mountain?
[13:04] Kat
    Talk about a roundabout revenge.
[13:06] Bro
    Look, I know that you're
    here to look for that man.
[13:12] Kat
    What are you talking about?
[13:14] Bro
    Don't play dumb.
[13:16] Bro
    I know all about it.
[13:18] Bro
    How my brother desperately looked for
    him here while he was still alive.
[13:23] Kat
    Ikumatsu-dono's husband did what?!
[13:25] Bro
    How that man visited that
    filthy ramen place every year,
[13:30] Bro
    and just who he is, too.
[13:37] W
    Um, if I may ask, where did you get this?
[13:42] Shin
    Oh, we're looking for its owner, too.
[13:46] W
    This crest on the lining
    certainly is Nishikiya's.
[13:50] Kag
    Really? Does it ring any bells?
[13:53] Kag
    Did some filthy old man come here to buy it?
[13:56] W
    This isn't one of our products.
    It belonged to the master of Nishikiya.
[14:00] Kag
    Master? Like the boss of this place?
[14:04] W
    Yes. I remember him wearing it
    with style whenever he went out.
[14:10] Shin
    Where is he? Where is he now?
[14:13] W
    He passed away around 20 years ago.
[14:18] W
    Why would this thing show
    up after all this time?
[14:20] Shin
    Um, was it given away to
    someone after he died?
[14:24] Shin
    Are there any family members who might know?
[14:27] W
    Just the young miss.
[14:29] W
    But she was very young when her father died.
[14:34] W
    She probably doesn't remember anything.
[14:36] W
    Nishikiya is a textile store that the
    master and mistress built themselves.
[14:42] W
    Right when they'd overcome hard times
    and put up shop, the master passed away.
[14:47] W
    After that, the mistress made the
    store grow this big all by herself.
[14:51] W
    But she died six years ago, too.
[14:54] W
    On top of that, the young
    miss lost her husband.
[14:59] W
    So even if she doesn't
    remember anything anymore,
[15:01] W
    I'm sure the young miss will
    be delighted if she sees this.
[15:07] I
    I wonder about that.
[15:09] I
    After having the scarf
    taken without permission
[15:11] I
    and people sniffing around
    without her knowing,
[15:14] I
    even the gentle young miss might get angry.
[15:17] I
    Just kidding.
[15:18] I
    Delivery for you, Osono-san.
[15:21] Bro
    Katsura, I came here to kill that man.
[15:27] Bro
    "That man" being Ikumatsu's dad,
    who is said to have died 20 years ago.
[15:43] I
    Oh, you're trying to find that
    homeless man using this scarf?
[15:48] I
    Jeez, you could've just told me.
[15:51] I
    Sorry you went through all
    this trouble for my sake.
[15:56] I
    Yes.
[15:57] I
    The scarf belonged to Nishiki Matsugoro,
    Nishikiya's founder, who died 20 years ago.
[16:03] I
    And I'm Matsugoro's daughter,
    Nishiki Ikumatsu.
[16:08] Shin
    Y-You're Nishikiya's heiress?
[16:13] I
    Sorry I didn't mention it.
    It's just not me, you know?
[16:17] I
    Running a ramen restaurant
    suits me much better, right?
[16:20] I
    Of course it does.
[16:21] I
    Nishikiya may be one of the
    top textile showrooms now,
[16:25] I
    but until it was started,
    we lived in abject poverty.
[16:29] I
    But while life was hard, we had fun.
[16:32] I
    Even if we had nothing to eat, the three
    of us supported one another as we lived.
[16:37] I
    But it all came crashing down the moment
    we became able to live a decent life.
[16:42] I
    Ironic, right?
[16:43] Shin
    If I may ask, how did your father pass away?
[16:47] I
    I was really young back
    then, so I have no idea.
[16:51] I
    Besides, he was living elsewhere
    with his mistress back then.
[16:57] I
    As soon as our store got on track,
[17:00] I
    he apparently made a move on
    one of the girls working here.
[17:03] I
    Mom found out and threw him out.
[17:06] I
    Not long after that, we heard
    that he'd died of illness.
[17:11] I
    People were saying he deserved it for
    abandoning his wife and daughter,
[17:16] I
    but I still remember how
    sad my mother looked then.
[17:22] I
    I don't know how the scarf found
    its way to that homeless man,
[17:26] I
    but I'm guessing it means my dad
    was living a similar life to him.
[17:32] I
    Thinking about it that way, I just
    can't think of him as any old man.
[17:36] I
    Sorry I made you waste your time for me.
[17:39] I
    Ultimately, maybe people are best off when
    they have to fight to live another day.
[17:46] I
    The moment we have more than we
    need, our eyes start to wander.
[17:51] I
    I feel like we could clearly see what
    was important when we were poor.
[17:57] I
    If it weren't for that, I'm sure his
    eyes wouldn't have strayed from us.
[18:04] I
    And we would've been able
    to forgive him, too.
[18:10] Kat
    Ikumatsu-dono's father is alive?!
[18:13] Bro
    That's right. He was barely
    scraping by in this dump.
[18:18] Kat
    No way. You mean the homeless man who
    kept visiting the restaurant was...
[18:24] Bro
    Wait, you really didn't know?
[18:27] Bro
    And Ikumatsu didn't realize
    that he was her father?
[18:33] Bro
    That's funny.
[18:35] Bro
    She forgot what her own dad looked like?
[18:40] Bro
    Of course you'd forget about a scumbag
    who left his family for another woman.
[18:46] Bro
    Isn't that right?
[18:47] Bro
    How long are you gonna stay
    silent? I know you're here.
[18:52] Bro
    Whatever.
[18:53] Bro
    I'm sure the kindhearted Katsura-san
    can't sit tight after learning all this.
[18:57] Bro
    Katsura, you bring Ikumatsu's old man to me.
[19:00] Kat
    What?
[19:01] Bro
    Don't get any funny ideas.
[19:05] Bro
    I control pretty much all
    the homeless in this town.
[19:08] Bro
    I think some starving homeless even camp
    out at the dump near the Hokuto Shinken.
[19:13] Kat
    You knave!
[19:15] Bro
    This is my revenge.
[19:17] Bro
    Bring me the head of the
    father of the woman you love.
[19:26] Bum
    Lawd, what should we do?
[19:29] Bum
    The Lawd was right.
[19:31] Bum
    Those guys really brought about a disaster.
[19:34] Bum
    We should've thrown them out right away.
[19:36] Bum
    Who's Ikumatsu's old man, anyway? I've
    never even heard of someone like that.
[19:40] Mu
    No need to worry.
[19:42] Mu
    We already found Ikumatsu's father.
[19:47] Mu
    Hurry up and take this man
    in shades to that punk.
[19:51] Mad
    What're you pulling the Lawd's strings for?!
[19:54] Mad
    Who're you calling Ikumatsu's old man?!
[19:56] Kat
    You must endure this, Hasegawa-dono.
[19:58] Kat
    Ikumatsu-dono has practically
    been taken hostage.
[20:01] Kat
    We can't do anything unless we shut
    up that knock-off Mercenary Tao.
[20:04] Mad
    Before that, do something about
    this knock-off Commander Ikari!
[20:08] Mu
    Listen up. Use Shades as a
    decoy to distract the enemy.
[20:13] Mu
    In the meantime, I'll guide these men
    outside the park via this secret passage.
[20:18] Mad
    Why's the Lawd getting into it, too?
[20:21] Kat
    Lawd...
[20:23] Mu
    Instead of looking for her father,
[20:27] Mu
    you must first ensure the daughter's safety.
[20:31] Mu
    Don't lose sight of your cause.
[20:33] Mu
    And my cause is... No matter whose
    father or how big a scumbag they are,
[20:38] Mu
    I will protect everyone here!
[20:40] Mad
    But you're not protecting me at all!
[20:43] Mu
    We should work together.
[20:44] Bum
    What are you talking about, Lawd?
[20:46] Bum
    You're half-senile, fool.
    Can you really show them the way?
[20:49] Mu
    Who're you calling a fool?!
[20:51] Mu
    I plunged into the straight man
    routine the moment I was born!
[20:53] Mu
    This way! Follow me!
[20:55] Bum
    Where are you taking a plunge now?!
[20:58] Bum
    Hey, we'll handle things here,
    so take care of the Lawd.
[21:03] Mad
    In the end, I get to lead
    this band of idiots?
[21:06] Mad
    I'm done with this crap. I'm gonna
    leave this place and find a proper job.
[21:09] Kat
    I still can't believe that homeless
    man was Ikumatsu-dono's father.
[21:14] Kat
    He was going to see her
    unbeknownst to all, huh?
[21:17] Kat
    And he hid who he was due to the
    guilt over abandoning his family?
[21:21] Kat
    In that case, why did he
    suddenly stop showing up?
[21:25] Kat
    Because he'd seen that his daughter
    was blessed with happiness?
[21:28] Gin
    She lost her husband, and now a weird
    guy with long hair is stalking her.
[21:32] Gin
    Nobody would consider her blessed.
[21:33] Kat
    I never stalked her!
[21:35] Gin
    Keep it down. What if they hear you?
[21:37] Gin
    You're not used to straight man
    work. Don't push yourself.
[21:39] Mu
    Yeah! Let me plunge into the
    straight man routine instead!
[21:41] Mad
    Seriously, where do you think
    you're taking a plunge?!
[21:44] Mad
    The Lawd's getting swept away!
[21:45] Gin
    You've got it wrong, Hasegawa-san.
[21:47] Gin
    This straight man really wants to
    plunge into Ikumatsu's pus—
[21:50] Mad
    Hey, knock it off!
[21:51] Mad
    I can't handle these three stooges!
[21:54] Gin
    H-Help!
[21:55] Gin
    I... I can't swim!
[21:55] Kat
    Screw you!
[21:57] Kat
    When did I say I wanted to plunge into
    Ikumatsu-dono's , , or *******?
[21:59] Mad
    Look, we don't have time for that!
    Help me rescue him!
[22:03] Mu
    I'll take the plunge instead!
[22:05] Mad**
    Why?!
[22:06] Mad
    I can't deal with this!
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Preview
[23:41] Mad
    Once this chaos blows over,
    I'm going to seriously look for a job.
[23:45] Mad
    I mean it. This isn't a death
    flag or anything, okay?
[23:48] Mad
    I'm serious, by the way.
SIGN    A Family
[23:50] Gin
    Next time: "A Family."
SIGN    A series of surprising reveals
SIGN    from a complex web of relationships.
SIGN    The next episode features so many twists and turns,
SIGN    you'll stop worrying about who would ever hire Madao.

E332 - A Family

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Hokuto Shinken
[00:06] Kat
    Every year, late on New Year's Eve,
[00:08] Kat
    a man would visit Ikumatsu's restaurant.
[00:14] Kat
    He would always order a bowl of ramen,
[00:17] Kat
    say, "I can't eat this much,"
[00:21] Kat
    divide it into three portions, and share
    them with Ikumatsu-dono and her husband.
[00:28] Kat
    However, as time passed and her husband died,
[00:32] Kat
    the man stopped showing up.
[00:35] Kat
    Just who was he?
[00:40] Kat
    We investigated, using the scarf he
    forgot at the restaurant as a clue,
[00:45] Kat
    and the truth was brought to light
    through the word of an unexpected source.
[00:51] Kat
    That man was Ikumatsu-dono's
    father, Nishiki Matsugoro.
[00:59] Kat
    Ikumatsu-dono thought he
    had died 20 years ago,
[01:05] Kat
    but he was actually still alive
    and living somewhere around here.
[01:11] Kat
    Who is Ikumatsu-dono's father?
[01:14] Kat
    Why didn't he tell his
    daughter who he was?
[01:17] Kat
    And why did he disappear?
[01:23] Mad
    Seriously, where do you think
    you're taking a plunge?!
[01:25] Gin
    You've got it wrong, Hasegawa-san.
[01:26] Mad
    The Lawd's getting swept away!
[01:27] Gin
    This straight man really wants to
    plunge into Ikumatsu's pus—
[01:30] Mad
    Hey, knock it off!
[01:32] Mad
    I can't handle these three stooges!
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Slip Arc
SIGN    A Family
[03:11] Mad
    What's wrong with you guys?
[03:15] Mad
    I don't know who you came here to look for,
[03:17] Mad
    but forget about all this once
    you get back to the surface.
[03:20] Mad
    Here, eat some bread crust.
[03:25] Mad
    Like I said, everyone there wants
    to forget about their past.
SIGN    Watch the Slip Arc in a bright room
    and at a safe distance from your TV!
[03:30] Mad
    Nothing good will come out of digging it up.
[03:35] Mad
    Actually, I guess it's still
    okay if they want to forget.
[03:44] Mad
    Some of them have pasts that they
    can't remember even if they want to.
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[03:52] Oso
    I'm sorry.
[03:54] Oso
    I actually kept something from you.
[03:59] Oso
    And from the young miss, too.
[04:01] Shin
    You kept something from us?
[04:03] Oso
    But you seem to be trusted
    friends of the young miss,
[04:07] Oso
    so I figured I should tell you.
[04:10] Oso
    Someone once came looking for
    the master, just like you did.
[04:17] (Flashback) H
    Why?!
[04:20] (Flashback) H
    Why won't you tell Ikumatsu
    the truth, Mother?
[04:25] (Flashback) H
    She'll continue to have the wrong
    impression about her father for—
[04:28] (Flashback) Mo
    And that's fine.
[04:31] (Flashback) Mo
    He really did die once.
[04:33] (Flashback) Mo
    And he abandoned Ikumatsu
    and me in the process.
[04:35] (Flashback) H
    But he didn't!
[04:37] (Flashback) H
    All he did was forget...
[04:39] (Flashback) H
    And all because he saved someone.
[04:45] (Flashback) Mo
    Then what do you want me to tell her?
[04:49] (Flashback) Mo
    That her admirable father
[04:52] (Flashback) Mo
    saved some kid drowning in the river
[04:57] (Flashback) Mo
    and disappeared?
[05:03] (Flashback) Mo
    And when we finally found him,
[05:06] (Flashback) Mo
    he'd forgotten all about us
    and had married another woman?
[05:15] (Flashback) Mo
    The man we knew no longer exists.
[05:19] (Flashback) Mo
    It was all too late.
[05:22] (Flashback) Mo
    I believe that this is the best choice to
    make for both his sake and Ikumatsu's.
[05:32] Mad
    Apparently, that geezer
    lost all his memories.
[05:39] Mad
    Memory impairment, was it?
[05:41] Mad
    Whatever happens one day, he forgets by
    the time he wakes up the next morning.
[05:46] Mad
    And after moving from place to place,
    he found his way to the waste dump.
[05:52] Mad
    That geezer had no idea about his
    past or his family, but one day,
[05:56] Mad
    a man showed up in front of him.
[06:00] (Flashback) H
    I finally found you.
[06:03] (Flashback) H
    I looked all over for you.
[06:05] (Flashback) H
    You probably won't remember me,
[06:09] (Flashback) H
    but I have never forgotten
    what you did for me.
[06:13] (Flashback) H
    If you can't remember, you don't have to.
[06:16] (Flashback) H
    And if you don't want to come
    with me, I won't force you.
[06:22] (Flashback) H
    But even if it's just one bowl, could
    you please come have our ramen?
[06:28] (Flashback) H
    I know this is nowhere near
    enough to repay my debt to you.
[06:33] (Flashback) H
    I know it won't make up for
    my sin of doing this to you.
[06:38] (Flashback) H
    But I want you to come see how
    well your daughter is doing!
[06:45] (Flashback) H
    That's my one wish as the boy
    whose life you saved back then!
[06:52] (Flashback) H
    Ikumatsu.
[06:53] (Flashback) H
    This is our restaurant's
    year-end tradition now.
[06:58] (Flashback) ---
    Should anything happen to me,
    make sure you keep it going.
[07:04] Mad
    I hear the geezer didn't pay much
    attention to the man's tearful plea.
[07:11] Mad
    But every time New Year's Eve came around,
    he would go off somewhere by himself.
[07:16] Mad
    It's strange.
[07:18] Mad
    He'd lost pretty much all his memories,
[07:21] Mad
    but he did remember just one thing.
SIGN    2/8 Soba
[07:26] (Flashback) Iku
    Dad,
[07:27] (Flashback) Iku
    are we having just one bowl
    of New Year's soba again?
[07:30] (Flashback) Mo
    Don't be greedy now, Ikumatsu.
[07:32] (Flashback) Fa
    Your mother's right.
    This is more than enough.
[07:36] (Flashback) Fa
    Besides, if we split it into
    three portions like this...
[07:39] (Flashback) Fa
    There.
[07:41] (Flashback) Iku
    Can I really have so much to myself, Dad?
[07:44] (Flashback) Fa
    Go ahead.
[07:46] (Flashback) Fa
    Your mother and I already ate at work.
[07:50] (Flashback) Fa
    I can't eat this much.
[08:03] Oso
    Daigo-sama talked about it so happily.
[08:07] Oso
    He said they finally got to eat
    soba as a family of three again.
[08:12] Mad
    At this point, on top of his memory
    impairment, he's also gone totally senile.
[08:17] Mad
    Looks like he's forgotten all about
    going to that ramen restaurant, too.
[08:23] Mus
    I can't eat this much.
[08:29] Mus
    Want some?
[08:32] Mad
    But he still hasn't forgotten
    about that, or so I hear.
[08:39] Gin
    Forgot everything?
[08:41] Gin
    That's not true.
[08:45] Kat
    If he remembers that much...
[08:47] Gin
    ...it's more than enough.
[08:49] Mad
    Gin-san... Zuracchi...
[08:52] Bro
    Is that Ikumatsu's old man?
[08:56] Mad
    Wh-Why are you guys here?!
[08:59] Bro
    Don't go looking down on the
    homeless information network.
[09:02] Bro
    I knew you'd make a move, Katsura.
[09:08] Bro
    Don't worry.
[09:09] Bro
    I've sent Ikumatsu an invitation, too.
[09:12] Bro
    After all, she is the main
    heroine in my revenge story.
[09:21] Kat
    That'd be a problem.
[09:25] Kat
    We just called that restaurant
[09:29] Kat
    and made a reservation...
[09:35] Kat
    For a bowl of ramen.
[09:54] Iku
    You kids...
[10:00] Kag
    Wow.
[10:01] Kag
    When did this restaurant get popular enough
    to have people lining up, Matsu-nee?
[10:05] Shin
    Too bad.
[10:06] Shin
    And here we thought it was a hole
    in the wall that only we knew about.
[10:09] Shin
    Did people finally realize how
    good the food here tastes?
[10:12] G
    Enough of your nonsense, you brats!
[10:14] G
    Do you have a death wish? Outta our way!
[10:16] Kag
    Cutting in line isn't nice.
[10:18] Kag
    Sorry, but we have a reservation.
[10:20] Shin
    Ikumatsu-san.
[10:22] Shin
    Can we get a bowl of ramen on the double?
[10:26] Shin
    We've got a delivery order.
[10:29] Kag
    To an unknown address...
[10:33] Shin
    Nishiki Matsugoro-san's residence.
[10:38] Bro
    Katsura, are you thinking of
    not handing that geezer over?
[10:42] Kat
    Even if I did listen to you,
[10:44] Kat
    I don't believe scum like you
    would leave Ikumatsu-dono alone.
[10:50] Bro
    You're right. That's the way I like it.
[10:53] Kat
    Father, could you entrust
    yourself to us for a while?
[10:58] Kat
    We swear to help you eat
    Ikumatsu-dono's ramen one more time.
[11:03] Bro
    What can a samurai who ended up
    homeless and abandoned his sword do?
[11:07] Bro
    Go!
[11:08] Bro
    Get them, old man and all!
[11:10] Kat
    A sword isn't a samurai's only weapon!
[11:15] Mad
    Forget the samurai crap! That's not a weapon!
[11:17] Kat
    Here we go, Father!
[11:19] Mad
    Where? Is that what you meant
    by entrusting himself to you?!
[11:21] G
    What's wrong with you?
    Don't you wanna save that geezer?
[11:25] Gin
    To a samurai, everything
    within his reach is a weapon,
[11:27] Gin
    a hammer to crush scumbags like you!
[11:30] Mad
    People who call human beings
    hammers are much bigger scumbags!
[11:34] Mus
    Getting out of here takes priority.
[11:35] Mus
    Please hang in there, Father.
[11:37] Mad
    Hey! His senility's getting even worse!
[11:41] Gin
    Tch.
[11:42] Gin
    The old man's head is gonna be empty by
    the time we get him to Ikumatsu's place.
[11:46] Mad
    That's your fault!
[11:48] Gin
    If we waste too much time,
    Ikumatsu'll be in danger, too.
[11:50] Gin
    Oh, well.
[11:52] Gin
    I'll let you hog the spotlight, Zura.
[11:54] Gin
    Get going, before the ramen gets soggy.
[11:58] Kat
    Nonsense. There's no spotlight left to hog.
[12:05] Kat
    We were simply led here by the
    two men who loved Ikumatsu-dono.
[12:12] Kat
    All we can do is sip on
    their leftover ramen soup.
[12:18] Kat
    Maybe we never had a role
    to play in this at all.
[12:23] Kat
    Because Ikumatsu-dono only
    has eyes for one man.
[12:30] Gin
    But even then,
[12:32] Gin
    if the two men's feelings reach her,
[12:34] Gin
    then whether his own
    feelings reach her or not,
[12:38] Gin
    the third guy's still gonna go, right?
[12:41] Gin
    For the sake of his beloved Ikumatsu's ramen.
[12:45] Kat
    Not ramen. Soba.
[12:48] Kat
    But I've eaten enough to get sick of it.
[12:51] Kat
    Leftover soup will be enough to fill me up.
[12:54] Gin
    That so?
[12:56] Gin
    Then get going and sip on that leftover
    soup or a body shot or whatever!
[13:02] Bro
    Hold it, Katsura!
[13:03] Gin
    Whoa there.
[13:04] Gin
    You're dealing with me.
[13:07] Gin
    Let's play nice as fellow lonely extras.
[13:09] Bro
    My targets are Katsura and Ikumatsu!
[13:12] Bro
    I couldn't care less about y—
[13:15] G
    Boss!
[13:17] Gin
    Did you not hear me?
[13:19] Gin
    I'm saying he's too good to
    be taking on trash like you.
[13:24] Gin
    Did you guys know?
[13:25] Gin
    The people who were at rock bottom in
    the lower world can make it to the top here.
[13:32] Gin
    I don't know how far down
    you pieces of trash got...
[13:35] Gin
    It's gonna be great, huh, Hasegawa-san?
[13:38] Gin
    The hole this guy and me fell into
    is a bottomless pit of despair.
[13:45] Gin
    Zura...
[13:47] Gin
    You're no different from
    those two, if you ask me.
[13:52] Gin
    All of you are nothing but morons.
[14:00] Shin
    Go!
[14:07] Iku
    Why did I forget?
[14:12] Iku
    Why didn't I remember?
[14:16] Iku
    I loved him so much...
[14:20] Iku
    When did I lock him away in
    the depths of my memories?
[14:28] (Flashback) Iku
    I feel like we could clearly see what
    was important when we were poor.
[14:34] (Flashback) Iku
    If it weren't for that, I'm sure his
    eyes wouldn't have strayed from us.
[14:41] Iku
    I was the one who abandoned her dear family.
[14:45] Iku
    He watched over me for years,
    even though he'd lost his memories.
[14:52] Iku
    And he brought us together
    in order to tell me that.
[14:58] Iku
    But I...
[15:11] Iku
    Dad, I'm sure you've already forgotten
    about such an awful daughter,
[15:19] Iku
    along with the taste of the bowl of
    soba the three of us shared as a family.
[15:23] Iku
    But that's okay.
[15:24] Iku
    That's all right.
[15:29] Iku
    This time, I promise not to forget.
[15:33] Iku
    My eyes will never stray again.
[15:37] Iku
    So please, Dad, just one more time...
[15:42] Iku
    Just one more bowl...
[15:45] Kat
    Ikumat—
[15:56] Mu
    Ikumatsu.
[15:59] Mu
    I can't eat this much.
[16:03] Mu
    It's all right.
[16:06] Mu
    Ikumatsu...
[16:08] Mu
    I already ate with everyone.
[16:13] Mu
    I'm already full.
[16:17] Mu
    So share this ramen...
[16:21] Kat
    Ikumatsu-dono!
[16:23] Mu
    ...with the people dear to you,
    the ones standing by your side.
[16:24] Kat
    Ikumatsu-dono!
[16:33] Mu
    That's what both Daigo-kun and I want.
[16:39] Mu
    Really...
[16:44] Mu
    I'm so full.
[17:04] Iku
    Was it really his voice
    that I heard back then?
[17:08] Iku
    Did he really still remember me?
[17:12] Iku
    There's no way to tell anymore.
[17:15] Iku
    All I can say is that if it weren't for
    him, I couldn't have met my husband.
[17:21] Iku
    I couldn't have survived
    and seen these guys again.
[17:25] Iku
    That much, I know for sure.
[17:29] Kat
    Ikumatsu-dono.
[17:30] Kat
    I asked for soba. I don't
    remember ordering ramen.
[17:35] Iku
    Really?
[17:36] Iku
    Men shouldn't nitpick.
[17:38] Iku
    Look at your stupidly long hair.
[17:40] Iku
    You should get a crew cut already.
[17:42] Kat
    What does my hair have to do with this?
[17:44] Iku
    This is a ramen restaurant, y'know?
[17:46] Iku
    Wouldn't hurt you to have some
    ramen for once, would it?
[17:49] Iku
    Or do you mean to say one idiot
    eating New Year's ramen is enough?
[17:57] Iku
    Why did you, Gin-san, and the
    kids stop showing up after that?
[18:02] Kat
    I owed them one, you see.
[18:05] Kat
    So they made me look for something
    they lost and whatnot.
[18:08] Kat
    They drove me like a slave.
[18:11] Iku
    Lies.
[18:13] Iku
    I bet you stayed away out
    of needless concern for me.
[18:16] Iku
    So distant.
[18:19] Iku
    At least let me thank you...
[18:21] Iku
    You could at least let me make
    you some ramen on the house!
[18:25] Kat
    I don't see why we must be thanked or fed
    ramen by someone with such a sad face.
[18:34] Iku
    Please eat that.
[18:37] Iku
    You're the only one left.
[18:39] Iku
    I went through the trouble of making it...
    I waited all this while...
[18:44] Iku
    But the family I wanted to feed it to
[18:50] Iku
    are all gone now.
[18:55] Kat
    All the more reason not to eat it, then.
[18:58] Kat
    I don't have the right to.
    I'll come some other time.
[19:07] Kat
    Ikumatsu-dono.
[19:09] Kat
    There's just one thing I want to say.
[19:12] Kat
    I couldn't possibly bring
    myself to eat that ramen...
[19:17] Kat
    But even if we can't share ramen as family,
[19:21] Kat
    we can share your suffering as friends.
[19:26] Kat
    Let us know when you want to
    look for something you lost.
[19:31] Kat
    Also, let me make this clear.
[19:34] Kat
    It's not like I hate ramen.
[19:40] Kat
    It's just...
[19:43] Bo
    I can't eat that much.
[20:01] Iku
    Late on New Year's Eve,
[20:04] Iku
    that man ordered a bowl of ramen.
[20:11] Iku
    "I can't eat this much."
[20:14] Iku
    Saying that, he took his ramen...
[20:28] Iku
    and divided it into six portions.
[22:10] Mad
    I've tripped and stumbled my
    way through life until now.
[22:15] Mad
    So at least in the end,
    I'll stay far away from the dirt
[22:19] Mad
    and fly high toward the blue sky above.
SIGN    Life, Death, and Shades
[22:30] Gol
    Don't do it. You'll be mincemeat
    if you fall from this high up.
[22:34] Gol
    Put yourself in the shoes of the man
    who runs the BBQ place down there.
[22:37] Mad
    Don't get the wrong idea.
[22:38] Mad
    I just want to know if I
    still have the wings to fly.
[22:43] Mad
    And I came here to find out, is all.
[22:46] Gol
    Dunno what happened, but surely you have
    family and friends who will mourn you.
[22:51] Gol
    Most of all, if you died here,
    it'd cause problems for me.
[22:57] Gol
    Life is precious. Don't throw it away.
[23:05] Gol
    Didn't you hear me?
[23:07] Gol
    If you cause a fuss here,
    everything will be ruined.
[23:11] Gol
    Life is precious. Don't waste that gift.
[23:14] Mad
    Look who's talking!
[23:17] Mad
    You totally wanna lay waste to a life!
[23:19] Mad
    You're totally trying to kill someone,
    right? You're an assassin, aren't you?!
[23:22] Gol
    Don't get the wrong idea.
    I'm just here to hunt boars.
[23:24] Mad
    From how far away are you
    trying to hunt boars?!
[23:28] Mad
    Really, don't be stupid.
    Don't commit a murder.
[23:31] Gol
    I don't wanna hear that from a suicidal man.
[23:32] Mad
    I don't wanna hear that from an assassin!
[23:34] Gol
    I don't wanna hear that from a
    man wearing filthy-ass shades.
[23:35] Mad
    I don't wanna hear that from
    a man wearing lame-ass shades!
[23:37] Gol
    Your shades are more lame.
[23:38] Mad
    Nah, your shades are more lame.
[23:41] Gol
    Let me be honest.
[23:43] Gol
    I couldn't care less what kind of shades
    you wear, or when and where you wear them.
[23:46] Mad
    We're talking about shades now?!
SIGN    The next episode
SIGN    will go something like that.
SIGN    Hasegawa wants to take off ahead of schedule.
SIGN    Next time, find out if he gains wings.
SIGN    And it won't just be about shades.
SIGN    We'll also run a story about cops.

E333 - Life, Death, and Shades / All the Answers Can Be Found in the Field

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Slip Arc
SIGN    Watch the Slip Arc in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV!
[01:34] Gol
    Don't do it. You'll be mincemeat
    if you fall from this high up.
[01:38] Mad
    Don't get the wrong idea.
[01:39] Mad
    I just want to know if I
    still have the wings to fly.
[01:44] Mad
    And I came here to find out, is all.
[01:49] Gol
    Life is precious. Don't throw it away.
SIGN    Life, Death, and Shades
[01:55] Mad
    Look who's talking!
[01:57] Mad
    You totally wanna lay waste to a life!
[01:59] Mad
    You're totally trying to kill someone,
    right? You're an assassin, aren't you?!
[02:02] Gol
    Don't get the wrong idea.
    I'm just here to hunt boars.
[02:04] Mad
    From how far away are you
    trying to hunt boars?!
[02:08] Mad
    Really, don't be stupid.
    Don't commit a murder.
[02:11] Gol
    I don't wanna hear that from a suicidal man.
[02:12] Mad
    I don't wanna hear that from an assassin!
[02:13] Gol
    I don't wanna hear that from a
    man wearing filthy-ass shades.
[02:15] Mad
    I don't wanna hear that from
    a man wearing lame-ass shades!
[02:17] Gol
    Your shades are more lame.
[02:18] Mad
    Nah, your shades are more lame.
[02:21] Gol
    Let me be honest.
[02:23] Gol
    I couldn't care less what kind of shades
    you wear, or when and where you wear them.
[02:26] Mad
    We're talking about shades now?!
[02:28] Gol
    Besides, do you really
    have it in you to jump?
[02:34] Gol
    You've been doing this every
    day for the past month.
[02:41] Mad
    Even though I want to die,
[02:43] Mad
    thinking about shades smashing into
    the ground makes my shades tremble.
[02:49] Mad
    You're an assassin, right?
[02:51] Mad
    Do you know a way to die that isn't scary
    or sad and doesn't hurt or break shades?
[02:55] Gol
    You're basically saying you don't wanna die.
[02:58] Mad
    If nothing else, I want my shades to live on!
[03:01] Gol
    Can't you just take them off before you die?
[03:03] Gol
    I'm an assassin, you know.
[03:04] Gol
    If I stop to think about how my
    victims feel, I couldn't do my—
[03:07] Mad
    Oh, I know!
[03:08] Mad
    I could just have you kill me!
[03:11] Gol
    Wha—
[03:11] Mad
    You could send me to heaven in one shot,
    without letting me feel any pain or fear!
[03:16] Gol
    Screw you. Do you have any idea how much
    money is involved in each of my shots?
[03:20] Gol
    I don't waste my rounds.
[03:22] Gol
    Be it when I'm killing my targets
[03:23] Gol
    or when I'm making love to women.
[03:26] Gol
    All it takes is one shot.
    It's over in an instant.
[03:29] G
    Huh? Done already, CEO?
[03:31] Gol
    That's my creed.
SIGN    One and Done
[03:33] Gol
    and that's where my moniker of
    "One and Done Synshen" comes from.
SIGN    Synshen
[03:36] Mad
    They're just mocking you for
    shooting your load early!
[03:39] Mad
    Guess I'll have to kill myself
    right here and now, then.
[03:41] Gol
    Wait, wait.
[03:42] Gol
    How about this?
[03:43] Gol
    You head to the roof of that skyscraper now.
SIGN    Welcome to Earth!!
[03:46] Gol
    My target is taking part in
    a welcoming party there.
[03:49] Mad
    You're really hunting a boar?!
[03:51] Gol
    Once I give the signal, jump off the roof.
[03:55] Gol
    When you fall into my crosshairs
    that will be aimed at my target,
SIGN    Me
SIGN    Boar
[03:58] Gol
    I will pierce you both through with one shot.
[04:00] Gol
    That should do, right?
[04:01] Mad
    Aren't you making this too hard for yourself?
[04:04] Mad
    And the shades are being
    smashed to bits anyway!
[04:08] Mad
    I guess around here is fine.
[04:10] Mad
    Now I just have to wait for the signal.
[04:13] Mad
    With this, I can finally go to heaven—
[04:14] Gol2
    Don't do it.
[04:16] Gol2
    You'll be mincemeat if you
    fall from this high up.
[04:18] Gol2
    Put yourself in the shoes of the lady
    who runs the cutlet place down there.
[04:21] Gol2
    Actually, before all that...
[04:25] Gol2
    Life is precious. Don't throw it away.
[04:27] Mad
    Really?! Here, too?!
[04:29] Mad
    There's an assassin here, too?!
[04:32] Gol2
    If you don't want to die, leave at once.
[04:35] Mad
    But I do want to die!
[04:37] Gol2
    I hear that One and Done Synshen
    is targeting this building.
[04:41] Mad
    Could he be an assassin hired
    by Synshen's enemy to kill him?
[04:45] Mad
    I have to go tell him right now, or the
    assassin who's gonna kill me will lose his...
[04:50] Mad
    Wait.
[04:54] Gol2
    I see. Synshen is on that rooftop.
[04:58] Gol2
    I must thank you for telling me.
[05:00] Mad
    Oh, you can just shoot
    me in the head in return.
[05:05] Gol2
    Sorry, but I can't do that.
[05:07] Gol2
    Even an assassin has his creed.
[05:09] Gol2
    The only people I kill are
    scumbags like Synshen.
[05:13] Gol2
    Be it targets or women,
[05:15] Gol2
    I don't go after those on
    the straight and narrow.
[05:17] G
    Huh? Done already, CEO?
[05:19] Gol2
    That's where my moniker
    "Quickdraw Synron" comes from.
SIGN    Quickdraw
SIGN    Synron
[05:22] Mad
    Your moniker has nothing
    to do with your creed!
[05:24] Mad
    Are all assassins too
    quick to shoot their loads?
[05:26] Gol2
    How about we do this?
[05:27] Gol2
    You head back to that building
[05:30] Gol2
    and lure Synshen somewhere I can snipe him
[05:34] Gol2
    using a scummy tactic.
[05:36] Gol2
    If you do that, I promise to shoot
    both you scumbags in the head.
[05:41] Mad
    This has gotten even more complicated!
[05:44] Mad
    I came here to die!
[05:46] Mad
    Why am I playing accomplice
    in an assassination?!
[05:50] Mad
    S-Synshen...
[05:52] Mad
    They got me.
[05:54] Mad
    Run away.
[05:56] Mad
    The enemy already has the
    entire city under its control.
[06:00] Mad
    I wanted to let you know that
    your life is in grave danger...
[06:06] Gol
    Hey, hang in there!
[06:08] Mad
    B-Before I die, could you take me up there?
[06:13] Gol
    Just wait.
[06:14] Mad
    Hell yeah! He fell for it!
[06:17] Gol
    I'll get you to a hospital right away.
[06:19] Mad
    No, forget that. Just take
    me up there before I die.
[06:23] Gol
    You moron! Don't be so quick
    to say you're gonna die!
[06:26] Mad
    Why is he so full of passion?!
[06:28] Gol
    I told you that I'd kill you.
[06:30] Gol
    Don't you dare die until then.
[06:31] Mad
    He's a much nicer guy than I thought!
[06:34] Mad
    W-Wait. Aren't you a professional assassin?
[06:37] Mad
    Are you sure you should
    leave your job unfinished?
[06:39] Gol
    What do you think is more important?
    A job, or a person's life?
[06:42] Mad
    And who was it that was taking
    people's lives on the job?
[06:46] Gol
    Damn those scumbags.
[06:47] Mad
    Uh, you're the scumbag.
    Don't forget where you stand.
[06:50] Gol
    First they take my sister, and now
    they want to take my friend, too?
[06:53] Mad
    When did we become friends?!
[06:56] Gol
    What's going on?
[06:58] Gol
    Is there a sniper on that rooftop, too?
[07:00] Mad
    Sorry, Synron-san!
    This is as far as I can go!
[07:02] Mad
    I mean, he's actually a really nice guy!
[07:05] Gol
    I'll be the decoy.
[07:06] Gol
    In the meantime, you use this
    to take out that sniper.
[07:09] Mad
    Asking a half-dead guy to kill someone?
[07:11] Mad
    I can't tell if he's a nice
    guy or a bad guy anymore!
[07:14] Gol
    Don't die.
[07:15] Mad
    Like I said, I came here to die!
[07:18] Mad
    What the hell is going on?!
[07:20] Mad
    I came here to die!
[07:22] Mad
    I don't care anymore! I'll kill or whatever!
[07:25] Mad
    If I actually try to kill
    Synron, I'm sure he'll kill me.
[07:30] Mad
    He's already dead!
[07:32] Mad
    Hey! What are you doing?
[07:35] Gol2
    S-Sorry, I screwed up.
[07:38] Gol2
    I panicked and rushed to kill Synshen,
    but I failed to notice my rounds were gone.
[07:43] Mad
    He took that chance to hit you?
[07:45] Gol2
    No, like I said...
[07:48] Gol2
    I lost my rounds.
[07:50] Mad
    That really is one hell of a screw-up!
[07:51] Gol2
    If I don't have any rounds, I can't kill you.
[07:55] Mad
    You don't need those round ones for that.
[07:57] Gol
    I'm no longer fit to be a sniper.
[08:00] G
    Huh? Done already, CEO?
[08:01] Mad
    You were never fit and firing there anyway!
[08:04] Gol
    But it's fine.
[08:06] Gol
    Even if I did have the rounds,
    I wouldn't have been able to fire.
[08:10] Gol
    Some scumbag he was.
[08:12] Gol
    I can't believe he acted like that in front
    of his enemy in the middle of a hit job.
[08:17] Gol
    Do you know why my boss is
    being targeted by Synshen?
[08:21] ---
    This is what people call him behind his back:
[08:24] ---
    "slave trader."
[08:26] ---
    The stuff he peddles includes people
[08:30] ---
    and Synshen's kid sister who was
    with him when he was an orphan.
[08:35] ---
    Only then did he start walking
    down the path of a scumbag.
[08:39] ---
    So when I saw him do that,
    I realized something.
[08:43] ---
    He came here as a brother
    trying to save his sister.
[08:47] ---
    Could you tell him something for me?
[08:50] ---
    "I don't have the rounds
    to shoot you with anymore,
[08:55] ---
    but I still have enough
    to unload into scumbags!"
[09:00] Mad
    Unload those into me, not scumbags!
[09:04] Mad
    I'm done with this crap!
[09:05] Mad
    I'm just gonna jump off the roof!
[09:11] Gol
    It's been 20 years since we were sold off.
[09:14] Gol
    Our appearances have changed
    completely since then,
[09:16] Gol
    and we even cast our names aside,
[09:19] Gol
    but it seems we both chose to walk down
    the same path to get our sibling back.
[09:24] Gol
    You don't have the rounds
    to shoot me with anymore?
[09:26] Gol
    Ichiko, you never had any
    round ones to begin with.
[09:31] Boar
    You siblings would've been
    better off killing each other.
[09:35] Boar
    If you two can't settle things
    yourselves, I can help.
[09:40] Gol
    You were always like that, Ichiko.
[09:43] Gol
    You loved to dress up like
    a boy and play with us.
[09:49] (Flashback) Gol2
    You're so mean, Ichiro-nii!
[09:51] (Flashback) Gol2
    I'm out of water here!
[09:55] (Flashback) Gol
    That's why I keep telling you...
[09:56] Gol
    You're too quick to shoot your load.
[09:59] (Flashback) Gol2
    Jeez! How can I win, then?
[10:02] (Flashback) Gol
    Isn't that obvious?
[10:06] Gol
    You put everything you have into one shot.
[10:11] Boar
    Is he going to shoot me
    along with his sister?
[10:14] Gol
    Get ready for my best shot.
[10:18] Gol
    Because I've already fired it.
[10:20] Mad
    If you can kill me, I'd like to see you try!
[10:36] Mad
    Man, in the end...
[10:40] Mad
    I didn't die!
[10:49] Gol
    Looks like your wings are still right there.
[10:56] Mat
    In our job, fieldwork is everything.
SIGN    Special Crash Course for Upper Management Candidates
[11:00] Mat
    But in any organization, the skilled
    employees are the first to leave the field
[11:04] Mat
    and take up leadership roles.
[11:07] Mat
    All of you master investigators will
    learn how the nectar of authority tastes.
[11:13] Mat
    But I didn't promote you just so you could rot.
[11:18] Mat
    What I'm basically trying to say is,
[11:20] Mat
    no matter how far up the ladder you climb,
[11:23] Mat
    never forget the field where you came from.
[11:25] Hij
    Pearls of wisdom from the super boss who
    spends taxpayer money on cabaret clubs.
[11:30] Kon
    Don't be like that, Toshi.
[11:32] Hij
    We don't need a crash course.
    We're drowning in fieldwork every day.
[11:39] Hij
    I mean, we're full of idiots who think
    desk work means sleeping on a desk.
[11:44] Hij
    And who is he calling master investigators?
[11:47] Hij
    These useless rich kids who landed comfy
    jobs using their family names and contacts?
[11:51] Kon
    Hey, Toshi! They can hear you!
[11:53] Hij
    I want them to.
[11:55] Hij
    Oh, sorry. You're a rich kid from
    a famous family too, aren't you...
[12:00] Hij
    Mimawarigumi Chief Sasaki-dono?
[12:03] Isa
    No need to worry, Shinsengumi
    Vice Chief Hijikata-dono.
[12:08] Isa
    Once I become director-general, I'll effect
    elite reform by the elite for the elite.
[12:14] Isa
    For starters, maybe I should
    fire that napping thorny
[12:16] Isa
    and the dummy spreading secondhand smoke.
[12:20] Isa
    Don't you agree, Nobume-san?
[12:23] Hij
    Elite reform, my ass! Your subordinate
    is napping in class, too!
[12:27] Nob
    I'm not napping.
[12:29] Nob
    I'm snacking.
SIGN    Japanese for Good Kids
[12:30] Hij
    They're both equally bad!
[12:31] Oki
    Hate to break it to ya,
    but I'm not napping, either.
[12:34] Oki
    I was pretending so people wouldn't figure
    out during recess that I have no friends.
[12:38] Hij
    Why the triumphant look?
[12:40] Hij
    Why are you two competing over school tropes?
[12:42] Hij
    Also, a guy messing with his phone during
    a lecture has no right to complain to me.
[12:46] Isa
    I'm merely noting down the important points.
[12:49] Hij
    And I'm using nicotine to clear
    my head so I can pay attention!
[12:52] Isa
    Crap, game over.
[12:54] Hij
    So you were just playing a mobile game!
[12:57] Mat
    Keep it down, you louts!
[13:00] Mat
    Beat it to the hallway
    in under three seconds,
[13:03] Mat
    or I'll blow your brains out.
[13:05] Mat
    One...
SIGN    All the Answers
    Can Be Found in the Field
[13:07] All
    What happened to two and three?!
SIGN    Special Crash Course for Upper Management Candidates
[13:11] Mat
    So, yeah...
[13:14] Mat
    We'll have these guys act as guinea pigs,
    experience a crime scene, and investigate.
[13:19] Mat
    It's just a simulation, but I want you
    all to rack your brains along with them.
[13:22] Hij
    I don't care if it's a simulation
    or whatever. Bring it on.
[13:25] Isa
    Yes, though we'd rather not be compared
    to these people. Right, Nobume-san?
SIGN    Records of the Three Kingdoms
[13:29] Nob
    If you defeat Cao Cao
    early, you lose motivation
[13:32] Nob
    and stop caring about uniting China.
[13:34] Oki
    Cao Cao can be the last boss, then.
    Whoever defeats Wei first wins.
[13:38] Kon
    Okay, he said simulation, but not that kind!
[13:40] Mat
    A fictional crime scene
    will be displayed in VR.
[13:43] Mat
    Analyze the crime using the clues at
    the scene and identify the culprit.
[13:52] Kon
    Wh-What is this?
[13:54] Kon
    It's like the real thing!
[13:56] Mat
    This is HQ, you know. We have
    all the cutting-edge tech.
[14:00] Mat
    And we have files on every
    kind of case imaginable.
[14:03] Mat
    This case, based on a massive amount of
    data, is no different from the real thing.
[14:09] Mat
    Here's the gist of it. A corpse
    was found on this river bank.
[14:13] Mat
    An old lady living nearby
    was the first to find it.
[14:16] Mat
    She testified that she was here to do laundry
    when she saw it drift by from upstream.
[14:26] Kon
    What kind of case is this?!
[14:28] Kon
    HQ's case files clearly have
    folktales from Japan mixed in!
[14:32] Mat
    I hear a similar case happened in the past.
[14:34] Kon
    Like hell it did! This is Momotaro!
[14:37] Hij
    We don't know for sure
    that this is Momotaro yet.
[14:40] Kon
    Uh, he obviously is.
    He was even inside a peach.
[14:42] Hij
    Acting on misconceptions
    can lead to mistakes.
[14:45] Kon
    The granny was here to do laundry!
[14:47] Hij
    Pops, was the peach already
    split when it was found?
[14:51] Mat
    Granny testified that she pulled it out
    in this state when it came drifting by.
[14:55] Kon
    We're actually doing this? We're
    investigating this stupid case?
[14:58] Hij
    That's weird.
[14:59] Hij
    If he came drifting by in this state,
    Momotaro's body should be wet.
[15:04] Kon
    You just called him Momotaro.
    You admitted it is him, right?
[15:06] Hij
    Also, can an old lady really drag a
    peach with an adult inside all this way?
[15:12] Hij
    There's something off here.
[15:13] Kon
    Yeah, like an adult being inside a peach!
[15:16] Hij
    The granny probably wasn't
    alone when she found this.
[15:20] Hij
    What is Gramps's alibi?
[15:21] Mat
    Cutting grass in the mountains.
[15:22] Kon
    That was an alibi?!
[15:24] Kon
    It was something that scary?
SIGN    Old Man Possession 1
SIGN    Sickle
[15:26] Hij
    Pops, get us a DNA comparison on
    Gramps's sickle and Momotaro's blood.
[15:30] Kon
    What are you thinking? That's terrifying!
[15:32] Hij
    The fatal wound matches the
    way the peach was split.
[15:35] Hij
    In other words, he was killed by the
    old couple when they split the peach.
[15:40] Kon
    What the hell kind of folktale is this?!
[15:42] Hij
    They didn't do it on purpose.
    It was an accident.
[15:45] Hij
    But that's why they fabricated alibis...
[15:47] Isa
    You're mistaken.
[15:49] Isa
    It seems you're the one who is
    shackled by the story of Momotaro.
[15:53] Isa
    That's why you overlooked
    a vital piece of evidence.
[15:56] Hij
    What?
[15:57] Isa
    You're too fixated on the man inside
    the peach, the granny's laundry,
[16:00] Isa
    and Gramps's grass cutting.
[16:02] Isa
    Hence, you assumed that this tragedy
    occurred at the start of the Momotaro story.
[16:07] Isa
    But that's a mistake. Why, you ask?
[16:11] Isa
    Ask yourself, why is Momotaro so big when
    he was only just born from the peach?
[16:16] Kon
    You're taking issue with that now?!
[16:18] Kon
    You ignore the "born from a peach"
    thing and take issue with that?!
[16:21] Kon
    And why are you shocked?!
[16:23] Isa
    Going from his filthy clothes
    and the lack of kibi dango,
[16:27] Isa
    we can tell that he'd already
    finished fighting the ogres.
[16:31] Isa
    This incident happened
    after the end of the story.
[16:34] Hij
    Then why was he inside a peach again?
[16:37] Isa
    Look at this wound.
[16:39] Isa
    There's pretty much no sign of blood loss.
[16:42] Isa
    This proves that he was already
    dead when he got the wound.
[16:46] Isa
    What that means is...
[16:48] Isa
    Somebody killed him and
    dumped him in the river
[16:51] Isa
    in order to frame that old couple for murder.
[16:54] Kon
    Why is this getting so complicated?!
[16:56] Isa
    It was all camouflage.
[16:59] Isa
    But thanks to that, we can narrow
    down the list of suspects.
[17:02] Isa
    When you consider Momotaro's
    situation after fighting the ogres,
[17:06] Isa
    the true culprit
[17:09] Isa
    can only be one of these three.
[17:12] Isa
    It is said that Momotaro's party
    brought back treasure from Onigashima.
[17:17] Isa
    But we're talking about animals
    and a peach-born monster here.
[17:20] Isa
    It's not hard to picture them
    fighting over the treasure.
[17:24] Kon
    How much must you corrupt Momotaro
    before you're satisfied?
[17:26] Isa
    Among them, the only one who can place
    such a cunning trap is the mon—
[17:29] Oki
    It wasn't the monkey.
[17:32] Oki
    Shackled by the story of Momotaro,
    you overlooked something vital.
[17:39] Oki
    Monkeys can't use money.
[17:42] Kon
    Why does Captain Obvious
    have such a smug look?!
[17:44] Kon
    Their reasoning is getting
    stupider by the minute!
[17:47] Kon
    And why do you have a look of shock?!
[17:49] Oki
    In other words, the real culprit
    is either the dog or the pheasant.
[17:54] Kon
    Dogs and pheasants can't use money, either!
[17:56] Nob
    You're wrong.
[17:58] Nob
    None of them is the culprit.
[18:01] Nob
    You're so shackled by the Momotaro
    story that you've gone blind.
[18:05] Oki
    What? How can you say for sure?
[18:08] Nob
    Because that'd be a pain.
[18:10] Kon
    She ultimately wrote it off as a pain!
[18:13] Kon
    Anyone would look shocked after that!
[18:16] Hij
    Well, they're all animals either way.
    Can't really question them.
[18:19] Hij
    Pops, I'd like to see the autopsy report.
[18:21] Hij
    There must be another fatal wound somewhere.
[18:24] Mat
    Sorry to say this, Toshi,
[18:26] Mat
    but this is the only external
    wound that stands out.
[18:29] Mat
    However, x-rays did find something
    strange in his trachea.
[18:35] Mat
    Something shaped like a dango.
[18:37] Kon
    Uh, he totally died choking on kibi dango!
[18:40] Isa
    This is why I can't stand plebs.
    That's not kibi dango.
[18:42] Isa
    It's what the monkey pooped out
    after eating the kibi dango.
[18:45] Isa
    You know how monkeys throw their own poop?
    I knew it, the monkey was the culprit.
[18:48] Isa
    I was right. An elite was right.
[18:50] Isa
    Praise the elite.
[18:51] Kon
    You're not thinking like an elite now!
[18:52] Hij
    You stupid? The gramps and gran would
    obviously be the ones feeding him.
[18:57] Hij
    Tempted by the treasure, they choked
    him to death using kibi dango.
[19:01] Hij
    The old farts really were
    the culprits. I was right.
[19:03] Hij
    Praise mayonnaise.
[19:04] Kon
    Didn't you paint them in a
    totally different light before?
[19:06] Isa
    The monkey.
[19:07] Hij
    Gramps and gran.
[19:08] Isa
    The monkey.
[19:09] Hij
    Gramps and gran.
[19:10] Isa
    The monkey's gramps and gran.
[19:11] Hij
    Gramps and gran's monkey.
[19:13] Isa
    We agreed it was the monkey just now, right?
[19:15] Oki
    Okay, fine. Let's take the middle option
    and say it was the eunuch monkey.
[19:19] Kon
    Middle option of what?
    Where'd the gramps and gran go?
[19:21] Nob
    It can be Monkey and Aska's
    gramps and gran, then.
[19:24] Kon
    Wait, what happened to Chage?
[19:25] Isa
    At this point, let's settle
    this once and for all.
[19:28] Isa
    Director-General, it doesn't
    matter if they're animals.
[19:31] Isa
    Let us question Momotaro's party.
[19:33] Mat
    Oh, if you want them...
[19:37] Mat
    They're in here.
[19:38] Kon
    All the suspects have been eaten!
[19:40] Isa
    Wait, are you saying Momotaro
    was the perpetrator?
[19:45] Isa
    I see. So that's how it is.
[19:49] Isa
    They were stranded on the
    way back from Onigashima.
[19:54] Isa
    The sad fate of his party is proof enough.
[19:58] Isa
    Instead of treasure, they fought to eat
    each other's kibi dango and bodies.
[20:04] Isa
    And almost like divine punishment,
[20:08] Isa
    the last bite, his friend's kibi
    dango, got caught in his throat.
[20:14] Isa
    The one who killed him was
    none other than himself.
[20:19] Kon
    No way... That can't be.
[20:21] Kon
    How can such a laughable cause of
    death turn into something so sad?
[20:27] Kon
    Toshi...
[20:28] Hij
    This is what the field is like.
[20:31] Hij
    It shoves harsh realities and even
    harsher truths right into our faces.
[20:37] Hij
    But we must not avert our eyes.
[20:40] Hij
    As cops, we have the duty to find the
    truth even if it's shrouded in darkness.
[20:47] Kon
    T-Toshi!
[20:51] Hij
    Look at this.
SIGN    No sneaking bites.
[20:53] Hij
    It's a bag.
[20:54] Hij
    It likely had kibi dango inside.
[20:57] Hij
    He probably didn't eat a single dango.
SIGN    No sneaking bites.
[21:02] Hij
    He must've given them all to his friends
    and chewed on his sandals or something.
[21:06] Hij
    But they went down one after another.
[21:09] Hij
    Considering how he could eat crap like this,
[21:11] Hij
    he must've ended up being the last one alive.
[21:14] Hij
    The rest of the story is as you said.
[21:17] Hij
    He chose that path in order to live.
[21:20] Hij
    You can't eat a bag like this
    unless you have extreme resolve.
[21:25] Hij
    He must've really wanted to live...
[21:26] Hij
    His friends' share of life, too.
[21:29] Kon
    Toshi...
[21:30] Isa
    Are you saying that sappy crap
    was the kind of reality you saw?
[21:35] Hij
    That's right.
[21:36] Hij
    This is the truth I believe in,
    the truth I found at this crime scene!
[21:39] Mat
    Bzzt.
[21:44] Mat
    Too bad. Close, but no cigar.
[21:48] Mat
    You got the "Momotaro was killed" part right.
[21:51] Mat
    But this isn't Momotaro.
[21:56] Mat
    It's the boss of Onigashima, who ate
    the entire Momotaro party alive.
[22:00] Mat
    Disguised as Momotaro, he came to
    the mainland to eat more humans...
[22:05] Mat
    But he died without achieving his goal.
SIGN    Cause of Death
[22:07] Mat
    Basically,
[22:10] Mat
    the real culprit is a brain tumor. That's it.
[22:15] Mat
    That's it.
SIGN    The End
[22:17] Mat
    That's it!
SIGN    3000 Leagues in Search of a Scabbard
[23:50] Gin
    Next time: "3000 Leagues
    in Search of a Scabbard."
SIGN    Sure, it's been a while since we've seen Tetsuko,
SIGN    but she has a fair amount of screen time, like in the live-action movie.
SIGN    Perhaps because he treated swords like crap at a smithy,
SIGN    Gintoki's butthole gets attacked by one!

E334 - 3000 Leagues in Search of a Scabbard

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:10] G
    Who goes there?
[00:14] G
    You must be Senbe the Manslayer.
[00:18] G
    Prepare to go down!
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Slip Arc
[02:05] Tet
    This is a great sword.
SIGN    Watch the Slip Arc in a bright room
    and at a safe distance from your TV!
[02:07] Tet
    It's nameless, but sharp.
[02:09] Tet
    Looks like it ran wild with
    its wielder in the past,
[02:12] Tet
    but it's being taken care of now.
[02:15] Tet
    Must belong to a retired general.
[02:18] Shin
    Tetsuko-san, that sword is actually a
    memento of Otose-san's late husband.
[02:23] Tet
    Oh...
SIGN    Smithy
[02:25] Tet
    I'll deliver it nice and sharpened tomorrow.
[02:27] Tet
    I'm sure it wants to go home soon, too.
[02:30] Kag
    Tetsuko, you can talk to
    swords? You're amazing!
[02:35] Tet
    It's not like that.
[02:36] Kag
    What about that one? What's it saying?
[02:42] Tet
    The number of battles it's gone through
    and the amount of blood it has spilled
[02:45] Tet
    is way higher than any other sword.
[02:48] Tet
    But it's been used as a weight for cup
    ramen way more than any other sword, too.
[02:52] Gin
    Man, I feel so much better.
[02:52] Tet
    Perhaps due to its poor treatment,
    I can see it shrouded in malice.
[02:54] Gin
    I thought I was gonna wet myself.
[02:56] Kag
    Malice?
[02:57] Tet
    Yes. Rather than the blood of enemies,
[03:00] Tet
    it thirsts for the blood of its wielder.
[03:03] Kag
    Wow, you're right!
[03:04] Shin
    You can tell when a sword
    looks down on its wielder?
[03:07] Shin
    That's our master swordsmith!
[03:08] Kag
    Though to be honest, we knew that, too.
[03:12] Gin
    Master swordsmith, my ass!
[03:14] Gin
    Why's a drawn sword just
    laying around right there?
[03:17] Gin
    Should a smithy be treating
    her products so badly?
[03:20] Tet
    What's this sword?
[03:22] Tet
    I don't remember it.
[03:24] Gin
    Don't play dumb.
[03:25] Gin
    Are you saying it came here by itself
    to get a massage? To rub one out?
[03:29] Shin
    This is a smithy! Not a brothel!
[03:32] Kag
    Maybe it got kicked out of its
    scabbard due to its low salary.
[03:35] Kag
    Tetsuko, you should hear
    out its complaints, too.
[03:37] Tet
    Uh, complaints?
[03:39] Gin
    Even I could hear those out.
[03:42] Gin
    You seem really up for this, sir.
[03:43] Gin
    Look at you, all naked
    before we even get started.
[03:46] Gin
    Your scabbard may have dumped you,
    but I'll make you forget about it all tonight.
[03:51] Gin
    And then, you can get a fresh start as
    a wok in Gin-san's place tomorrow.
[03:56] Tet
    Hey, wait!
[03:57] Gin
    Got that, Tetsuko? Make us a nice wok.
[03:59] Shin
    What are you doing? We don't
    even know whose sword it is yet!
[04:03] Gin
    Didn't you hear it?
    It's sick of cutting things.
[04:06] Gin
    It wants to stop hurting people
    and start frying rice instead.
[04:09] Gin
    We don't have a pan, so this is perfect.
[04:11] Shin
    You need a fresh start more
    than it does, you bum!
[04:14] Gin
    Ah, I don't know why, but I think I
    can hear the sword crying out in joy.
[04:19] Shin
    Uh, sorry,
[04:20] Shin
    but we can hear it, too.
[04:23] Shin
    I don't know about crying out in joy.
    This sounds more like dying screams.
[04:27] Gin
    Huh? You can hear that, too?
[04:32] Kus
    Bro...
[04:35] Kus
    Whaddya think yer doin' ta me?
[04:36] Kus
    Want me ta suck yer blood up?!
[04:44] Shin
    Gin-san?!
SIGN    3000 Leagues in Search of a Scabbard
SIGN    Smithy
[04:53] Kus
    Yeesh.
[04:55] Kus
    There's no tellin' what
    samurai these days get up ta.
[04:59] Kus
    How scary.
[05:01] Kus
    If I were any other sword, I woulda snapped.
[05:03] Kus
    Be more careful. Most swords'll
    lash out at the drop of a hat.
[05:06] Kus
    Ya won't find many blunt,
    gentle ones like me.
[05:09] Tet
    S-Sorry about that.
[05:13] Kus
    Well, as long as ya learned yer lesson.
[05:16] Kus
    I'm not yellin' at ya 'cause I want ta.
[05:18] Kus
    Thankfully, nobody got hurt,
[05:20] Kus
    so let's call this water under the bridge.
[05:24] Kus
    Well, thanks for the yummy tea. Take care.
[05:28] Gin
    Like hell! I totally got hurt here!
[05:31] Gin
    How long are you gonna stay stuck in my ass?
[05:33] Gin
    And what the hell are you, anyway?
[05:37] Gin
    What's with this thing? I can't get it out!
[05:40] Kus
    Yer wastin' yer time, bro. We're a pair now.
[05:43] Kus
    I finally found ya, my scabbard.
    I ain't never lettin' ya go.
[05:46] Gin
    Did you just call my butthole a scabbard?
[05:47] Shin
    Calm down, both of you. Calm down.
[05:50] Gin
    How can I? I've got a sword in my ass!
[05:53] Kag
    Oh, just shut up and sit down.
[05:57] Shin
    P-Planet Excalibur?
[06:00] Kus
    Aye. Believe it or not, I'm an actual Amanto,
[06:03] Kus
    Kusanagi from Planet Excalibur.
[06:06] Tet
    K-Kusanagi-san?
[06:08] Kus
    I may be loiterin' about butt-naked
    without a scabbard now,
[06:11] Kus
    but when I was young, I was a famous sword.
[06:14] Shin
    Uh, could you stop talking about
    loitering butt-naked with that name?
[06:17] Kus
    Us excaliburlings have bodies
    made of liquid metal.
[06:20] Kus
    In other words, we can transform
    inta anythin' we wanna be.
[06:24] Kus
    We've transformed inta all kinds of weapons
[06:26] Kus
    and taken part in wars on all
    kinds of planets as mercenaries.
[06:31] Kus
    I came ta Earth a long time
    ago when I smelled war here.
[06:36] Kus
    Ever since, me and my wife Scabberina
    had been livin' as a very lovin' couple.
[06:40] Shin
    Who the hell is Scabberina?
[06:42] Shin
    Was your scabbard your wife?
[06:44] Kus
    She was too good for me, I say.
[06:47] Kus
    She always welcomed me
    back with a warm smile.
[06:52] Kus
    And back then, I was young, too.
[06:54] Kus
    I thrust in and out of
    her several times a day.
[06:57] Shin
    Stop moving like that. What are you saying?
[06:59] Shin
    Is it what I think it is?
[07:00] Kag
    If you had such a beloved scabbard,
    why are you naked now, Member Kusanagi?
[07:04] Shin
    Stop calling him that!
[07:06] Tet
    A sword and its scabbard are as one.
[07:08] Tet
    They're like SM*P, which only functions
    when all its members are present.
[07:11] Shin
    You two are doing this
    on purpose, aren't you?!
[07:13] Kus
    As time passed and I grew
    older, I lost my edge.
[07:19] Kus
    Our owner put us up for sale at a pawn shop.
[07:23] Kus
    For some reason, a buyer
    was found immediately,
[07:25] Kus
    but I was dumped in a ditch.
[07:28] Kus
    The buyer only wanted the
    beautiful Scabberina, not me.
[07:34] Kus
    For decades since then,
    I've been lookin' for her,
[07:38] Kus
    but I still have no idea where she is now.
[07:41] Kus
    I went from smithy ta smithy,
    hopin' ta meet a good scabbard,
[07:45] Kus
    but that was a swing and a miss, too.
[07:47] Tet
    So that's why you came to me?
[07:49] Kus
    I lost my owner and my partner
    'cause I was so dull.
[07:52] Kus
    So I gotta take them back
    with my own hands...
[07:57] Kus
    The bright light from those days,
    and my beloved other half.
[08:02] Kus
    But I know from the bottom of my blade that
    I can't do anythin' as a lone dull blade.
[08:07] Kus
    Doesn't matter if it's just a temporary
    home. I need an owner, a scabbard!
[08:11] Kus
    I beg of ya, lend me yer ass for a while.
[08:15] Kus
    C'mon, please.
[08:18] Shin
    Okay! Come one, come all!
[08:21] Shin
    Is the sword on your hip a
    treasure that brings good luck
[08:25] Shin
    or a curse that brings misfortune?
[08:28] Shin
    Don't you want to know?
SIGN    Sword Fortune Telling
[08:30] Kag
    Edo's best swordsmith, Murata Tetsuko,
    will ascertain your sword's quality!
[08:36] Shin
    And we're willing to bleed
    money on the first day!
[08:39] Shin
    We'll look at your swords for free today!
[08:41] Shin
    First come, first served!
[08:43] Kus
    You guys...
[08:45] Tet
    In truth, we want to check out not
    the swords, but their scabbards.
[08:49] Kus
    Instead of just givin' me this
    filthy ass, you'd go so far for me?
[08:54] Tet
    I'm not doing this for you.
[08:56] Tet
    I'm a swordsmith.
[08:58] Tet
    When there's a rusty sword of
    repute lying in front of me,
[09:01] Tet
    do you really think I could
    stop myself from sharpening it?
[09:03] Kus
    T-Tetsuko-han!
[09:07] Tet
    I'll lend you as many filthy asses as
    you want, so just shut up and sit tight.
[09:12] Kus
    Sorry. I forgot I was lugging
    this filthy ass around.
[09:18] Gin
    Who do you think this filthy ass belongs to?
[09:20] Gin
    What gives you guys the right to
    decide the fate of my filthy ass?
[09:23] Gin
    Wait, whose ass are you calling filthy?
[09:25] Shin
    Not like we have a choice.
[09:26] Shin
    He says he won't leave your
    ass until he finds a home.
[09:30] Kag
    If you wanna be freed, we gotta
    find his separated scabbard.
[09:34] Gin
    Quit messing—
[09:35] Shin
    Oh, by the way, excaliburlings
    are vampiric in nature.
[09:39] Shin
    If you do anything stupid...
[09:41] Kus
    Want me to suck up the
    blood from yer entire body?
[09:45] Gin
    Excuse me.
[09:47] Gin
    Would you like to be the
    scabbard for my sword?
[09:51] G
    Eek!
[09:53] Kus
    C'mon, bro. Yer makin' yer
    ulterior motives too obvious.
[09:56] Kus
    Ya'll never find me a scabbard like that.
[09:58] Gin
    I don't wanna hear that from the one
    sticking butt-naked into my butt.
[10:01] Kus
    Just watch me.
[10:03] Kus
    Hey, lady.
[10:04] Kus
    Want me to suck yer ********* ?
[10:06] G
    Eek!
[10:08] Gin*
    I'll kill your blunt ass!
[10:10] Gin
    Why are you getting me beaten up?
[10:12] Gin
    Why do I have to do this?
[10:14] Kus
    Crap, I messed up. Shoulda gone
    with "please suck my ****."
[10:17] Shin
    What kind of scabbard are you looking for?!
[10:19] Shin
    Nobody cares about the swords in your pants!
[10:21] Shin
    Stick them in Tasty Stick
    packaging or something!
[10:24] Shin
    Aren't you looking for your wife Scabberina?
[10:27] Shin
    Why are you trying to sneakily
    find a new scabbard?
[10:30] Shin
    Take this more seriously!
[10:32] Shin
    If you wanna find customers, talk
    to people who are carrying swords!
[10:37] Gin
    Ow, ow... Hey, what are you doing?
[10:41] Kus
    N-Nah, i-it a-ain't me.
[10:42] Kus
    Th-This is resonance.
[10:45] Gin
    What?
[10:46] Kus
    O-One of my own is nearby.
[10:49] Shin
    Huh? Could it be Scabberina?
[10:51] Kus
    N-Nah.
[10:53] Sen
    Is it true that you're ascertaining
    the quality of swords?
[10:57] Sen
    I'd love it if you could check mine as well.
[11:00] Sen
    What do you see?
[11:02] Sen
    Do you hear the screams of
    all the people I've cut down?
[11:06] Sen
    Or do you hear the sound of all
    the swords he's devoured breaking?
[11:14] Sen
    Whoops, looks like we
    have an unwanted visitor.
[11:17] Sen
    I'll come back some other time.
[11:19] Sen
    I'm sure we'll meet again.
[11:23] Gin
    What was with that guy?
[11:25] Shin
    Are you sure, Kusanagi-san?
[11:27] Shin
    That was an excaliburling, too, right?
[11:30] Shin
    They might've known
    something about Scabberina.
[11:34] Shin
    N-No way... He'd come ta this planet, too?
[11:38] Shin
    N-Never get involved with
    that guy. He's bad news.
[11:41] Shin
    Kusanagi-san?
[11:42] Gin
    Hey, knock it off. My
    ass can't take any more.
[11:45] Gin
    You're not resonating, are you?
    You're just trembling in fear!
[11:46] Oki
    Damn, he got away.
[11:49] Oki
    Welp, if I go back empty-handed,
    Hijikata-san will yell at me.
[11:54] Oki
    Whatever. There's a perfect replacement.
[11:56] Oki
    Boss, your usual wooden sword is one thing,
[11:59] Oki
    but we can't have you carrying
    that around during the sword ban.
[12:02] Oki
    You're under arrest for a Swords and
    Firearms Act violation and public indecency.
[12:07] Gin
    What? Wait, this isn't what you think!
[12:09] Gin
    Hey, stop clattering and say something!
[12:13] Kus
    You got it wrong. I ain't tremblin'.
[12:17] Kus
    I-I found her... I finally found her.
[12:20] Kus
    That bro's scabbard...
    That beautiful scabbard...
[12:23] Kus
    There's no mistakin' it.
[12:24] Kus
    It's my wife, Scabberina!
SIGN    Special Police
    Shinsengumi
[12:32] Kon
    This is horrible.
[12:34] Kon
    Have we identified the victim?
[12:36] Hij
    Probably a Joi Rebel from some faction.
[12:39] Kon
    The body's in tatters. Is it him again?
[12:43] Hij
    No doubt about it.
[12:44] Hij
    The massive cut that couldn't
    be inflicted by any mere human,
[12:48] Hij
    the sword that seems like it
    was ripped off at the hilt...
[12:52] Hij
    It has to be Senbe the Manslayer.
[12:55] Kon
    The mad sword that had bakufu
    officials trembling in the past
[13:00] Kon
    is now being used to shed the
    blood of his own comrades?
[13:04] Hij
    I'm perfectly okay with those
    mites killing each other.
[13:07] Hij
    But this bothers me.
[13:10] Hij
    It's unthinkable that a man could've
    done this. What purpose does it serve?
[13:15] Hij
    I heard a strange rumor.
[13:17] Hij
    Apparently, before Senbe betrayed his group,
[13:19] Hij
    he picked up a creepy black
    sword from somewhere.
[13:24] Kon
    A sword?
[13:25] Hij
    Ever since he did, he became a different
    person and obsessed over it.
[13:29] Hij
    He started acting strangely,
    like talking to the sword at times.
[13:33] Kon
    Are you saying his objective isn't
    slaying men, but the swords?
[13:41] Kon
    Sure you're not overthinking this?
[13:43] Hij
    I sure hope so.
[13:45] Hij
    But I've been put through
    hell by a sword, too.
[13:49] Kon
    That reminds me. I saw Sogo talking
    to his sword recently, too.
[13:54] Kon
    He might suddenly become a serial
    killer too, or something!
[14:01] Oki
    Oh, Hijikata-san.
[14:02] Oki
    Sorry, but I'm borrowing your
    room to take this guy apart.
[14:09] Hij
    Huh? What was that just now?
[14:11] Kon
    What did he mean, take apart?
    What was that we just saw?
[14:13] Hij
    Wait, Sogo!
[14:13] Hij
    No! Please no!
[14:14] Kon
    What are you doing in my room?
[14:21] Hij
    Finally got it out.
[14:22] Oki
    This won't do, boss.
[14:24] Kus
    You gotta be more gentle with elders.
[14:26] Oki
    Man, that was one hell of a surprise.
[14:29] Oki
    I didn't expect someone other
    than me to own an excalibur.
[14:32] Oki
    That's the boss. A real connoisseur.
[14:35] Shin
    Gin-san, you can finally kiss
    goodbye to playing scabbard.
[14:38] Kus
    Thank ya so much for
    lending me yer filthy ass.
[14:42] Tet
    No problem. We're glad this
    filthy ass was of use.
[14:45] Kag
    Yeah. If you don't mind that
    filthy ass, come hang out again.
[14:49] Oki
    Er, I'm not sure I follow.
[14:53] Oki
    Are we bidding farewell to the boss's ass?
[14:55] Tet
    The thing is, the scabbard holding your sword
[14:58] Tet
    is apparently Kusanagi-san's
    long separated wife.
[15:01] Tet
    So if possible, we'd like to send
    him back to his original home.
[15:09] Kus
    Scabberina, you've been silent all this while.
[15:13] Kus
    You must be mad, right?
[15:14] Kus
    I'm truly sorry!
[15:15] Kus
    I caused ya so much pain
    'cause I was so weak!
[15:20] Kus
    But it's all right now.
[15:22] Kus
    I swear ta protect ya.
[15:24] Kus
    I'll never let ya go again.
[15:25] Kus
    Could we make a fresh
    start as one sword again?
[15:33] Sca
    Who're you, anyway?
[15:36] Sca
    Could somebody tell me what's going on?
[15:39] Sca
    Did he just propose to me out
    of the blue? That's messed up!
[15:42] Sca
    Who's this old fart? I'm scared, So-kun!
[15:45] Shin
    Huh?
[15:46] Kus
    What're ya talkin' about,
    Scabberina? It's me, Kusanagi!
[15:50] Kus
    Did ya have ta wait so long
    that ya forgot about me?
[15:54] Kag
    Hey, Member Kusanagi.
    Did you get the wrong Scabberina?
[15:57] Kus
    Nah! I'd never mistake her!
[15:59] Kus
    Right, Scabberina?
[16:00] Oki
    Uh...
[16:02] Oki
    Maybe you shouldn't dredge
    up the past after so long.
[16:06] Oki
    Everyone has memories they
    don't want to remember.
[16:10] Kus
    Wh-What's that supposed ta mean?
[16:13] Oki
    It means time has passed.
[16:16] Oki
    She's living a new chapter in her life now.
[16:19] Oki
    With me. Right, Scarlett?
[16:22] Sca
    Stop it, So-kun! People are watching!
[16:25] Kus
    Who're you callin' Scarlett?!
[16:27] Oki
    She's happy as she is now,
    so what're you doing here?
[16:32] Oki
    Take the hint, honestly.
[16:34] Shin
    This is starting to sound like a fight
    between ex- and current boyfriends.
[16:38] Sca
    Yeah, yeah!
[16:39] Sca
    So-kun is my savior.
[16:42] Sca
    Put on sale in a New York slum,
    I waited forever for a buyer.
[16:47] Sca
    Nobody gave me a second
    glance, but he bought me.
[16:50] Shin
    New York? You were on sale in New York?!
[16:53] Sca
    A worn-out scabbard,
    and his big, hefty sword.
[16:57] Sca
    I knew he was out of my league.
[16:59] Sca
    I knew it was just a game.
    That he wouldn't get serious.
[17:02] Shin
    What is this, Pretty Woman?
[17:04] Sca
    But he's always serious when playing around
[17:07] Sca
    and always plays around when he's serious.
[17:10] Sca
    That innocence of his gradually
    thawed my frozen heart...
[17:12] Shin
    Forget playing around, he basically
    used and threw you from the start!
[17:15] Sca
    Dunno who you are, but could
    you not get in our way?
[17:19] Sca
    We're plenty happy right now.
[17:22] Kus
    S-Scabberina...
[17:24] Oki
    I don't know how it was in the past,
[17:26] Oki
    but Scarlett is now crazy for my fat
    Kikuichimonji RX-78 all the way inside.
[17:33] Sca
    Stop it, So-kun!
[17:35] Sca
    This is too embarrassing!
[17:36] Kus
    Scabberina! This can't be!
[17:40] Kus
    I won't accept this!
[17:41] Shin
    Kusanagi-san!
[17:44] Gin
    Why'd you come back here?!
[17:46] Shin
    Kusanagi-san...
[17:48] Kag
    Oh, no. He's closed himself off.
[17:51] Gin
    My butthole is what's been closed off!
[17:53] Gin
    It's gone all the way inside!
[17:55] Oki
    Well, there you have it.
[17:57] Oki
    Sorry, boss, but could you get
    that blunt ass outta here already?
[18:05] Shin
    Gin-san?!
[18:07] Shin
    And what were you guys doing? Eavesdropping?!
[18:10] All
    Aw...
[18:13] Oki
    What's the meaning of this, boss?
[18:15] Gin
    You've gotta be kidding me.
[18:17] Gin
    I'm not leaving with a lid on my ass.
[18:19] Gin
    I'm constipated enough as it is.
[18:21] Oki
    Shall I slice open your belly
    and drag your guts out for you?
[18:26] Kon
    Stop it, Sogo!
[18:27] Shin
    You too, Gin-san!
[18:28] Gin
    You guys stay out of this! This runt is mine!
[18:32] Gin
    It's only right to settle a dispute
    over swords with swords, yeah?
[18:36] Gin
    A superior scabbard
    deserves a superior sword.
[18:40] Gin
    Isn't that right, Sogo-kun?
[18:42] Oki
    You mean...
[18:43] Gin
    My sword and yours...
[18:45] Gin
    Let's have a real sword fight to see
    which deserves that scabbard more.
[18:49] Bo
    Real sword fight?!
[18:51] Oki
    Amusing. This is a chance
    I thought I'd never have.
[18:55] Kon
    Stop it!
[18:56] Kon
    If you two sadists clash,
[18:59] Kon
    your sadism will repel and you-know-what...
[19:02] Kon
    I'm a masochist!
[19:03] Hij
    Don't take the bait, Sogo. The
    Shinsengumi Code bans personal clashes.
[19:07] Gin
    Oh, really? Personal clashes aren't allowed?
[19:10] Gin
    That's weird. I remember having very
    personal clashes with a pair of morons before.
[19:14] Gin
    Oh, I see. Those were more
    like "flashes," weren't they?
[19:17] Gin
    Those two were defeated before
    I could even do anything,
[19:20] Gin
    so they were clashes that
    were over in a flash, huh?
[19:23] Kon
    The duel will take place tomorrow!
[19:25] Kon
    It'll be held in the World
    Clash Tournament venue!
SIGN    Odd Jobs Ace Sakata Gintoki vs.
    Shinsengumi Ace Okita Sogo
    Deathmatch
[19:28] Hij
    Have your neck washed and
    ready to be chopped off!
[19:30] Kag
    Shaddup! He's not gonna wash his neck!
[19:31] Kag
    He'll wash every part of his body
    but his neck with sponge gourd!
[19:34] Shin
    Hey, what happened to the Shinsengumi Code?!
SIGN    Smithy
[19:37] Shin
    What's wrong with you, Gin-san?
[19:39] Shin
    Why'd you challenge him to that battle?
[19:41] Gin
    It's not a battle. It's a buttle.
[19:44] Gin
    You wouldn't understand how it feels
    to have a sword stuck in your ass 24/7.
[19:49] Shin
    I get wanting to be freed of the sword,
    but you're up against Okita-san,
[19:53] Shin
    the genius swordsman said to be the
    strongest man in the Shinsengumi.
[19:56] Shin
    And he's a super sadist to boot.
[19:58] Shin
    He was one misstep away
    from being a serial killer.
[20:01] Shin
    He's a trashy scumbag whose
    good looks are all he has.
[20:03] Gin
    Shinpachi, what do you have against him?
[20:06] Kag
    Shaddup! My ace ain't
    gonna lose to that runt!
[20:11] Kag
    This guy was one misstep away
    from being a NEET scumbag, too!
[20:16] Shin
    Uh, that's not missing any steps.
    It's Gin-san as we know him now.
[20:19] Gin
    What's that supposed to mean, Shinpachi?
[20:21] Kag
    Have more faith! Everybody is one
    misstep away from being a NEET!
[20:25] Shin
    Like hell!
[20:26] Tet
    Can I ask you something?
[20:28] Tet
    You'll both use real swords
    in the buttle tomorrow, right?
[20:32] Tet
    How are you going to fight with that?
[20:36] Tet
    One, two...
[20:37] Gin
    Ow, ow, ow!
[20:40] Gin
    Wait, time out! I can't... I can't!
[20:42] Gin
    I'll become Shiina Kippei! I'll end
    up like Shiina Kippei in Outrage!
[20:45] Kag
    Pull it out or stop? Make up your
    damn mind, you stupid Duncan!
[20:50] Gin
    They all look like villains!
    They all look like Takeshi!
[20:52] Kag
    Raise the horsepower,
    dammit, you stupid bean!
[20:56] Gin
    Wait, dammit, you stupid Gidayu...
[21:01] Kag
    All right, keep jogging toward tomorrow!
[21:04] Kag
    Eastward ho, dammit, you stupid Comaneci!
[21:06] Gin
    You're getting your priorities mixed up!
[21:08] Gin
    Enough! How long are you
    gonna stay holed up in there?
[21:12] Gin
    Just get out already!
[21:13] Kus
    No! There's no way a blunt
    sword like me could ever win!
[21:17] Kus
    I'm so blunt, I can't even rend my
    long-severed marriage or my regrets...
[21:21] Kus
    I'm just a corn potage Tasty Stick!
[21:23] Gin
    Don't casually try to be the yummy
    one, you stupid natto flavor!
[21:26] Tet
    Have more faith in yourself, Kusanagi.
[21:28] Tet
    The most important thing in a
    sword isn't its cutting edge!
[21:31] Tet
    It's the core that runs through its blade!
[21:34] Tet
    People and swords are the same.
[21:35] Tet
    Even if they run into brick walls,
    as long as their cores stay intact,
[21:38] Tet
    they can be beaten back
    into shape over and over!
[21:40] Tet
    Your love for your scabbard
    is the mark of a great sword.
[21:44] Tet
    Leave the rest to a smithy.
[21:46] Kus
    Tetsuko-han... Will you
    beat me back inta shape?
[21:55] Tet
    Don't worry. I promise to turn
    you into the most splendid sword.
[22:00] Tet
    I won't let anybody call
    you a dull ass anymore.
[22:03] Kus
    I'm countin' on ya, Tetsuko-han!
[22:05] Tet
    Sure! Here I go!
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    The Super Sadist and the Super Sadist
[23:50] Oki
    Next time: "The Super Sadist..."
[23:51] Gin
    "...and the Super Sadist."
SIGN    Huh? Another multi-episode arc?
SIGN    Yep. Another multi-episode arc.
SIGN    But after doing arcs that lasted entire cours,
SIGN    we can stick by our guns and still call this a collection of short stories.

E335 - The Super Sadist and the Super Sadist

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:15] Oki
    Show yourself.
[00:17] Oki
    There's no point in hiding.
[00:21] Oki
    Mine's howling, too.
[00:42] Oki
    Senbe the Manslayer.
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Slip Arc
SIGN    The Super Sadist and the Super Sadist
SIGN    Smithy
SIGN    Watch the Slip Arc in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV!
[02:29] Tet
    There. All done.
[02:31] Kag
    You finished reforging?
[02:33] Shin
    The reborn Kusanagi-san is finally complete?
[02:37] Tet
    Yeah. I'm glad I somehow finished
    in time for the battle tomorrow.
[02:42] Tet
    As a smith, I've done everything I can.
[02:45] Tet
    Now, depending on his wielder, he can
    become an incredible sword or a blunt one.
[02:50] Tet
    Gin-san,
[02:51] Tet
    the rest is up to you.
[02:59] Kus
    Uh, ya haven't finished at all!
[03:01] Kus
    Talk about hasty patchwork!
[03:03] Kus
    What was all that clangin' I heard
    earlier? This ain't the work of a smith!
[03:07] Kus
    It's a DIY disaster!
[03:09] Gin
    Great job, Tetsuko.
[03:11] Gin
    He was so blunt before, but now
    his retorts are razor sharp.
[03:14] Kus
    Yer impressed with that?
    Why make me so tiny?!
[03:18] Kus
    I can't even fit in Scabberina
    like this, let alone win the duel!
[03:22] Kus
    It'd be so loose! She'd think I'm impotent!
[03:24] Gin
    Quit nitpicking.
[03:26] Gin
    Even if you hadn't broken here,
    you were already broken inside.
[03:30] Gin
    Besides, your wife was always a loose
    sut anyway. You're a perfect fit.
[03:34] Kus
    Who're ya callin' a sut?!
[03:36] Tet
    S-Sorry. I did what I could, but...
[03:40] Gin
    Don't worry, Tetsuko.
[03:43] Gin
    You already granted my wish
    to get this guy outta my ass.
[03:46] Gin
    An impotent sword like this would lose
    even before getting to the love hotel,
[03:50] Gin
    so we've gotta boycott the duel...
[03:52] Kus
    Not on my watch.
[03:55] Gin
    D-Damn you...
[03:56] Gin
    You can remotely control your broken bits?!
[04:01] Kus
    Ya just wanted ta get me outta ya, eh?
[04:04] Kus
    That ain't gonna fly.
[04:06] Kus
    Take responsibility for turnin' me
    inta this and win that duel tomorrow!
[04:09] Gin
    Screw you!
[04:11] Gin
    How am I supposed to fight with
    an impotent sword like you?
[04:14] Kus
    Shaddup!
[04:15] Kus
    Length doesn't make a man! Speed does!
[04:17] Gin
    You finish quick, too? Damn,
    there's nothing good about you!
[04:20] Kag
    Don't worry, Gin-chan. It's not length
    or speed that makes a man.
[04:24] Kag
    It's how many rounds he can fight!
[04:26] Kag
    To boost your regenerative ability,
[04:28] Kag
    stick your sword in burned sand and iced
    water alternatively in this special drill!
[04:32] Shin
    What sword are you drilling?!
[04:35] Shin
    What now, Tetsuko-san?
[04:37] Tet
    It'll be hard for him to
    be a longsword again.
[04:39] Tet
    Even if I want to reforge him as a short one,
    I don't know if his body can take it.
[04:45] Tet
    Part of the reason he broke was that
    his blade had grown weak with age.
[04:50] Tet
    But it seems an old wound played a part, too.
[04:54] Shin
    An old wound?
[04:55] Tet
    Kusanagi...
[04:57] Tet
    That's why you've become so blunt, right?
[05:02] Kus
    I really can't hide anythin'
    from ya, eh, Tetsuko-han?
[05:06] Kus
    The truth is...
[05:09] Kus
    I already fought ta take Scabberina
    back once a long time ago.
[05:16] Gin
    What's with that woman?
[05:18] Gin
    She'd gotten it on with some other sword
    in the past, too? Shameless hussy, much?
[05:22] Kus
    Take that back!
[05:23] Kus
    That ain't it. That ain't it at all.
[05:26] Kus
    Scabberina wasn't originally
    my scabbard. She was his.
[05:31] Kus
    In other words, she and I are... uh...
[05:34] Shin
    You were the one who stole her originally?!
[05:37] Kus
    Anyone'd assume that.
    Maybe this is all karma.
[05:43] Kus
    But back then, I just
    couldn't leave her alone.
[05:49] ---
    Her husband was a masterpiece
    known ta all on Planet Excalibur:
[05:54] ---
    the cursed sword, Maganagi.
[05:56] ---
    A mad sword whose name made others run
    with their blades between their legs.
[06:00] ---
    He wasn't feared 'cause of his sharpness
    alone, but also for his savagery.
[06:09] ---
    We excaliburlings do our work by being
    used as bloodsucking biological weapons.
[06:15] ---
    But Maganagi is worse.
[06:19] ---
    His staple food is swords, meaning...
[06:23] ---
    He's a cannibal.
[06:26] ---
    He maintained his absurd sharpness
    by suckin' the energy of his own.
[06:32] ---
    All the scabbards chosen ta
    house him met with tragic ends.
[06:37] ---
    Each and every day, they had their
    energy sucked out and were left ta rot.
[06:42] ---
    And once they ran out, they were dumped.
[06:45] ---
    Ta him, Scabberina may have just been
    his latest of hundreds of scabbards,
[06:50] ---
    but ta me, she was an irreplaceable,
    dear childhood friend.
[06:55] ---
    I just couldn't sit there and watch her cry,
[07:01] ---
    even if it meant goin' up against
    the cursed sword Maganagi.
[07:06] Tet
    Oh, is that when you got that wound?
[07:09] Kus
    I couldn't beat him, of course,
[07:11] Kus
    but I barely managed ta survive
    and take Scabberina back.
[07:15] Kus
    We came ta Earth ta get away from him, too.
[07:20] Kus
    I never thought things would end up this way.
[07:23] Kus
    What's worse, even Maganagi's...
[07:25] Gin
    Maganagi's what? What're you talking about?
[07:28] Kus
    Ya guys saw him, too...
[07:30] Kus
    That ominous form of his.
[07:35] Oki
    Never expected you to
     have one of those, too.
[07:38] Sen
    You took the words right out of my mouth.
[07:41] Sen
    I'm in luck today.
[07:43] Sen
    After I spent years and years
    looking for those two,
[07:46] Sen
    I found them both in one day.
[07:51] Sen
    I was planning to devour him first,
[07:56] Sen
    but whatever.
[07:59] Sen
    If I grab what you've got there,
    he'll come to me himself.
[08:05] Oki
    Not sure what you're talking about,
    but it seems my Scarlett is pretty popular.
[08:11] Oki
    And I was having trouble sleeping because
    my blood's been itching for action.
[08:15] Oki
    You won't exactly make for a
    great warm-up before the boss,
[08:22] Oki
    but I hope you'll at least be
    a light appetizer, Senbe-san.
[08:28] Sen
    Senbe? Who the heck is that?
[08:34] Gin
    Wait, was it the sword that guy
    was carrying this afternoon?
[08:37] Kus
    No doubt about it.
[08:39] Kus
    I'm sure he noticed me, too.
[08:42] Kus
    It's only a matter of time before
    he also locates Scabberina.
[08:45] Kus
    This is no time ta be
    worryin' about old wounds.
[08:48] Gin
    He may be a terrifying sword or whatever,
[08:52] Gin
    but whether he's harmful
    is up to his wielder, no?
[08:54] Kus
    Normally, yeah.
[08:56] Kus
    But not with him.
[08:58] Kus
    Unlike me, he doesn't stick himself inta
    filthy asses and get cozy with his wielder.
[09:03] Mag
    Don't misunderstand.
[09:06] Mag
    I'm not Senbe or whatever.
[09:11] Mag
    My name is...
[09:18] Mag
    Maganagi.
[09:21] Mag
    Cursed Sword Maganagi!
[09:24] Kus
    His wielder's body is
    nothin' but a tool to him.
[09:28] Kus
    He wields himself.
[09:30] Kus
    Maganagi's blade doesn't
    pierce any filthy asses.
[09:36] Kus
    It pierces people's very souls
    and makes them his own!
[09:43] Mag
    Huh?
[09:49] Oki
    Sorry, Senbe-san.
[09:50] Oki
    I forgot Rakugo Masters was
    airing today. I'll just go home.
[09:55] Mag
    What?!
[09:55] Oki
    Jeez, why do all rakugo programs
    air late nights or early mornings?
[09:56] Mag
    Wait a second. We dragged this out
    from last week, so what's this?
[09:59] Mag
    I acted all cool, and this is how it ends?
[10:02] Mag
    And what's with that guy?
[10:05] Mag
    He took me, Maganagi,
    out with just one swing!
[10:08] Mag
    W-Wait, Okita Sogo.
[10:12] Mag
    Hey, forget about rakugo for now!
[10:14] Mag
    If you want Rakugo Masters,
    I've got it on DVD!
[10:17] Mag
    Listen to me for a second!
[10:18] Mag
    Hey, wait!
SIGN    World Clash Tournament Venue
[10:31] Kon
    Odd Jobs sure is late.
SIGN    World Clash Tournament Venue
[10:34] Kon
    Please don't tell me he got cold feet.
[10:37] Ymz
    You know that's never
    happening with the boss.
[10:40] Ymz
    Probably hasn't gotten that
    sword out of his ass yet.
[10:42] Kon
    Oh, I don't see Sogo or Toshi, either.
[10:45] Kon
    What's going on here? Are we
    the only ones up for this?
[10:48] Ymz
    Captain Okita has been gone since yesterday.
[10:51] Ymz
    Vice Chief heard this morning that Senbe
    the Manslayer was passed out on the street,
[10:55] Ymz
    so he went to check that out.
[10:56] Kon
    Senbe was what?
[10:58] Ymz
    Arresting him was well and good,
    but he's been acting strange.
[11:01] G
    Oh, he's here!
[11:03] Kon
    There you are. Looks like
    your bum sword is usable now.
[11:10] Gin
    My bum sword?
[11:11] Gin
    Oh, you mean this Alienslayer?
[11:14] Kon
    Lies!
[11:16] Gin
    Huh? What do you mean?
[11:17] Kon
    Don't give me that! There's no way that
    massive thing was stuck in your ass!
[11:21] Gin
    Quit harping. The part that was
    inside was actually this big.
[11:25] Kon
    You're the one harping! This duel will
    decide which sword deserves the scabbard!
[11:29] Kon
    You made the rules!
SIGN    It was far too large to be called
    a sword stuck in my ass.
[11:32] Gin
    It was far too large to be called
    a sword stuck in my ass.
[11:37] Gin
    It was a far too large, thick, heavy,
SIGN    It was a far too large, thick, heavy,
    and much too crude a lie.
[11:40] Gin
    and much too crude a lie.
[11:42] Kon
    Don't use Berserk's narration
    to announce your regrets!
[11:45] Gin
    You're such a nag.
[11:46] Gin
    I have the one that was stuck in
    my ass right here as a short sword.
[11:50] Gin
    Samurai always carried two swords, anyway.
[11:54] Gin
    Let me at least act like a samurai
    during a real-sword fight.
[11:57] Kon
    Spouting BS like that is
    completely unlike a samurai!
[11:59] Tet
    Gin-san...
[12:00] Tet
    That's really not going to work.
[12:03] Kag
    This is much better.
[12:05] Kon
    That's not the issue here!
[12:06] Kon
    All you did was switch from Berserk to FF!
[12:09] Gin
    Not interested.
[12:11] Gin
    It was far too advanced
    to be called FF anymore.
SIGN    It was far too advanced
    to be called FF anymore.
[12:15] Gin
    I liked the fantasies like 3 and 4 better.
SIGN    I liked the fantasies like 3 and 4 better.
[12:19] Kon
    What're you even on about?!
[12:20] Oki
    Now, now. Let him do as he pleases.
[12:24] ---
    Sogo!
[12:25] Oki
    If we're gonna fight to the death,
[12:27] Oki
    going all-out with our weapons
    of choice would be more fun.
[12:32] Oki
    Right, boss?
[12:35] Gin
    Lucky! We made it through somehow.
[12:37] Kus
    This could work! This might just work!
[12:40] Oki
    Besides...
[12:42] Oki
    I found myself a new weapon too, actually.
[12:48] Oki
    Right, Senbe-san?
[12:49] Mag
    L-Look, I'm not Senbe.
[12:51] Mag
    I'm telling you I'm Cursed
    Sword Maganagi, sir.
SIGN    Edo Hospital
[13:02] Hij
    Senbe.
[13:04] Hij
    Hey, Senbe.
[13:07] G
    He's been like this ever since
    he regained consciousness.
[13:10] G
    Could it be his wound?
[13:12] Hij
    It didn't reach his brain.
[13:15] Hij
    Somebody spotted a Shinsengumi
    member fighting him last night.
[13:21] Hij
    One thrust was apparently all it took.
[13:23] Hij
    He defeated Senbe the
    Manslayer with one strike.
[13:25] Hij
    And he barely kept him alive
    by the skin of his teeth.
[13:30] Hij
    It could only have been one guy.
[13:35] G
    Captain Okita?
[13:36] G
    So that total sadist terrorized
    him into this state.
[13:40] Hij
    Nah. The way I see it, this guy
    wasn't broken anytime recently.
[13:45] G
    Are you saying he went around
    slaying people in this state?
[13:50] Hij
    Probably not.
[13:53] Hij
    That means this guy wasn't
    Senbe the Manslayer.
[13:57] G
    But Vice Chief, he's definitely...
[13:59] Hij
    Oh, he's Senbe, all right.
[14:02] Hij
    But he probably wasn't
    the one slaying people.
[14:06] Hij
    Where's his weapon?
[14:08] Hij
    The sword he was carrying.
[14:10] G
    Oh, we actually haven't found it yet.
[14:15] G
    Senbe? What's wrong?!
[14:17] Sen
    N-No! I don't want to be consumed anymore!
[14:22] G
    Calm down, Senbe!
[14:24] Sen
    It's that guy's turn to be consumed now.
[14:28] Sen
    He'll become the manslayer now!
[14:32] G
    Vice Chief?!
[14:34] Hij
    My bad feeling was on the mark.
[14:36] Hij
    Anybody else would laugh it off,
[14:39] Hij
    but I know how terrifying swords can be.
[14:42] Hij
    Because I experienced the
    curse of the Muramasha.
[14:46] Hij
    That man wasn't Senbe the Manslayer.
[14:48] Hij
    It was his sword!
[14:52] Hij
    This is bad news.
[14:53] Hij
    That thing is likely in the hands of
    someone far more terrifying than Senbe!
[14:59] Hij
    If he got his hands on that cursed sword,
[15:02] Hij
    then forget manslayer, he'd become
    a world-conquering overlord!
[15:07] Shin
    I-Is that...
[15:09] Shin
    Could that sword be...
[15:11] Shin
    Maganagi!
[15:14] Shin
    It's Cursed Sword Maganagi!
[15:18] Kus
    Why? Why does that bro have Maganagi?!
[15:22] Oki
    I happened to acquire it last night.
[15:25] Oki
    It insisted on becoming my sword of choice.
[15:28] Oki
    Having only my scabbard be from Excalibur
    didn't sit right with me, anyway.
[15:33] Oki
    Three excaliburlings on Earth.
    In Edo alone, no less.
[15:37] Oki
    This must be fate at work.
[15:40] Mag
    Indeed.
[15:42] Mag
    Who would've thought I'd find the
    two I was looking for right here?
[15:46] Mag
    Don't you agree, Kusanagi?
[15:49] Mag
    I hear this is a duel over a scabbard?
[15:55] Mag
    This is fate, Kusanagi.
[15:58] Mag
    The moment you tricked me,
    your fates were sealed!
[16:03] Mag
    Die and return to the earth.
[16:10] Oki
    Hey, lady, your dog pooped.
[16:13] Oki
    Don't you know an owner is supposed
    to clean up after their pet?
[16:16] W
    Oh, I'm so sorry!
[16:19] Mag
    What are you doing?!
[16:20] Mag
    Do you really think you can stab
    crap like this with a cursed sword?!
[16:24] Oki
    Quit complaining.
[16:27] Oki
    I don't mind making this
    your scabbard, you know.
[16:31] Oki
    You can be an excaliturd.
[16:33] Oki
    This duel isn't between you swords.
[16:35] Oki
    It's between the boss and me
    to decide who is stronger.
[16:39] Mag
    Y-You don't have to be so cruel.
[16:41] Mag
    Didn't we promise to do
    our best together, Master?
[16:44] Mag
    A sword like me and a wielder like
    you would be invincible together.
[16:48] Mag
    We could conquer the world...
[16:51] Oki
    Boss, what say we clean this
    place up before we duel?
[16:55] Mag
    There's dog poop everywhere.
[16:55] Mag
    I'm sorry, Master! I'll keep my
    mouth shut, so please spare me!
[16:59] Kus
    I-I don't believe it.
[17:01] Kus
    That cursed sword is
    totally under his control.
[17:04] Kus
    Just how scary a guy is that bro?
[17:07] Gin
    Looks like the one sword
    we really wanted to avoid
[17:11] Gin
    showed up in the hands of the
    one guy who shouldn't wield it.
[17:15] Kus
    This is awful!
SIGN    World Clash Tournament Venue
[17:17] Kus
    I was hopin' I could figure something
    out before fightin' him...
[17:20] Kus
    If we lose this duel, both
    Scabberina and I are done for!
[17:24] Gin
    This is fine, really.
[17:27] Gin
    In real-sword fights, the one
    who clings to hope loses.
[17:30] Gin
    Hope isn't something you'll
    find lying ahead in your path.
[17:35] Gin
    You'll find it hanging from the ass
    of the guys who live in the moment.
[17:42] Gin
    It's basically a goldfish turd.
[17:46] Gin
    Right now, having a blade stuck
    in my ass would be perfect.
[17:51] Oki
    What, that thing was all for show?
    That's just your usual wooden sword.
[17:55] Oki
    Well, whatever. If that's how you wanna play,
[17:58] Oki
    I'll stop thinking about a future
    where I sheathe my sword.
[18:04] Oki
    Until that goldfish turd of yours
    hangs from the tip of my sword,
[18:09] Oki
    it will remain drawn!
[18:11] Kon
    But it already is! You'll cause
    a mess if you sheathe it!
[18:15] Gin
    Bring it on. Let's see
    whose turd will hang first.
[18:20] Kus
    Why're you swingin' turds around, too?!
[18:28] Bo
    Let's fight fair and square!
[18:37] Shin
    What the hell are you two doing?!
[18:40] Shin
    They started picking up poop!
[18:44] Kus
    W-Wait...
[18:45] Shin
    What's going on here?
    What are they competing over?
[18:46] Shin
    Is this how this duel was supposed to go?
[18:48] Mag
    Wait, stop! I can't breathe!
[18:52] Shin
    Your swords are the only ones suffering!
[18:54] Shin
    What's wrong with you sadists?!
[18:57] Bo
    Eat this!
[18:59] Shin
    Eat this, my ass! What are you, cavemen?!
[19:07] Shin
    They're using amazing moves!
[19:08] Shin
    They're both going insane!
[19:11] Shin
    But why poop?!
[19:20] Oki
    In the poop's shadow?
[19:22] Oki
    But this is also...
[19:25] Oki
    a feint!
[19:28] Gin
    Not there.
[19:30] Gin
    Over here.
[19:34] Oki
    Not there.
[19:36] Oki
    Over here.
[19:38] Gin
    Not here. There.
[19:40] Oki
    Not there. There.
[19:42] Gin
    Not there. Manure.
[19:44] Shin
    Why are you having a high-level
    back and forth with poop?!
[19:47] Shin
    And just how much poop is
    on this riverbank, anyway?
[19:50] Kag
    Gin-chan!
[19:52] Kag
    Just wait! I'll provide
    covering fire for you!
[19:54] Shin
    That's not covering! That's just dumping!
[19:57] Oki
    You really are fun, boss.
[19:59] Oki
    Your technique's all over the place.
[20:01] Oki
    There's no way to tell
    where you'll attack from.
[20:04] Shin
    Hey! The camera's focusing
    on the wrong thing!
[20:07] Gin
    You won't look so relaxed for too long.
[20:10] Gin
    I can't wait to see what your face
    will look like in the next cut.
[20:13] Shin
    It looks like something ridiculous already!
[20:15] Shin
    Totally looks like two turds
    having a conversation!
[20:17] Kon
    Th-This is an outrageous duel.
[20:20] Kon
    I never expected it to get so heated.
[20:22] Shin
    You're more outrageous right now!
[20:26] Kag
    You've got poop on your head, Gorilla!
[20:28] Kag
    Barrier! Barrier!
[20:30] Kon
    I had my barrier up, too!
[20:32] Shin
    You're all covered in shit!
[20:35] Shin
    Knock it off already.
[20:36] Shin
    The screen's been filled
    with nothing but poop!
[20:40] Shin
    Wait, who put my glasses on poop?!
[20:49] Kus
    Insane.
[20:52] Kus
    Gintoki-han is insane.
[20:56] Kus
    He's fightin' that cursed sword
    Maganagi on equal footin'.
[21:00] Mag
    I was right.
[21:04] Mag
    This guy is on a whole
    different level than Senbe.
[21:08] Mag
    At last...
[21:10] Mag
    At last, I found it.
[21:12] Mag
    A vessel befitting me, Maganagi.
[21:16] Mag
    Kusanagi.
[21:18] Mag
    The man you found is a
    special talent himself.
[21:21] Mag
    However!
[21:30] Mag
    Even if the vessels are equal,
[21:37] Mag
    their swords are like night and day!
[21:46] Kon
    H—
[21:47] Kon
    His sword vanished?!
[21:51] Oki
    Nothing vanished.
[21:54] Oki
    They're right here in my belly.
[22:00] Oki
    Both your sword
[22:03] Oki
    and this man.
SIGN    Preview
[23:40] Kus
    This is awful! Maganagi took over that bro!
[23:43] Kus
    I-It's all over!
[23:45] Gin
    Don't give up, Kusanagi!
[23:46] Kus
    But Kudo—I mean, Gintoki-han!
[23:49] Gin
    You still have my blood
    and my scabbard, foo'.
SIGN    The Strongest Sword, and the Dullest Ass
SIGN    We're really sorry if you were watching while having dinner.
SIGN    The Gintoki vs. Okita & Swords story ends next week!
SIGN    The next C*nan Hint is...
SIGN    "Subtly Off-Color."

E336 - The Strongest Sword, and the Dullest Sword

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:05] Kus
    We excaliburlings do our work by being
    used as bloodsucking biological weapons.
[00:11] Kus
    But Maganagi is worse.
[00:14] Kus
    His staple food is swords, meaning...
[00:17] Kus
    He's a cannibal.
[00:19] Hij
    My bad feeling was on the mark.
[00:21] Hij
    That man wasn't Senbe the Manslayer.
[00:23] Hij
    It was his sword!
[00:26] Gin
    Looks like the one sword
    we really wanted to avoid
[00:29] Gin
    showed up in the hands of the
    one guy who shouldn't wield it.
[00:35] Mag
    Nothing vanished.
[00:37] Mag
    They're right here in my belly.
[00:42] Mag
    Both your sword
[00:44] Mag
    and this man.
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Slip Arc
SIGN    The Strongest Sword, and the Dullest Sword
[02:29] Shin
    I-Is that...
[02:31] Kon
    S-Sogo?
[02:35] Hij
    That's not him anymore.
[02:37] Kon
    T-Toshi!
[02:39] Hij
    Damn, we were too late.
[02:41] Gin
    Hey, Kusanagi, could it be?
SIGN    Watch the Slip Arc in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV!
[02:47] Mag
    I'm amazed you had the gall to treat me,
    Cursed Sword Maganagi, as you did.
[02:53] Mag
    Nobody has ever mocked me so much.
    No vessel has been such a pain to take over.
[02:59] Mag
    You were the first, Master.
[03:02] Mag
    But your superhuman body and mind,
    rare anywhere in the universe,
[03:08] Mag
    already belong to me, Maganagi.
[03:12] Mag
    The strongest sword and the
    strongest vessel are now one.
[03:15] Mag
    At last, I have attained strength
    unparalleled across the universe.
[03:20] Kus
    He got consumed! That bro
    got consumed by Maganagi!
[03:25] Hij
    Capture him!
[03:28] Mag
    Wow, what do you think you're
    doing to one of your comrades?
[03:32] Kon
    H-Hey, Toshi!
[03:34] Hij
    Just trust me for now.
    That's not Sogo anymore.
[03:38] Hij
    Your stupid game is over.
[03:40] Hij
    We know what you really are.
    Throw that sword away.
[03:45] Mag
    What are you saying? I'm in the
    middle of a real-sword fight here.
[03:50] Mag
    If I threw my sword away,
    I'd get sliced in half.
[03:54] Hij
    And if you won't do it,
    I'll just cut you down myself.
[03:58] Mag
    Can you do it?
[04:00] Mag
    Can you guys cut me down?
[04:02] Mag
    Because I can cut anything.
[04:08] Kon
    O-Our swords!
[04:11] Mag
    I'm sick of eating dull swords.
[04:15] Kon
    Sogo!
[04:18] Gin
    Hey, you're going after the wrong guy.
[04:21] Gin
    I'm your opponent.
[04:26] Hij
    Hey! You're the one who
    went after the wrong guy!
[04:29] Hij
    Why'd you throw poop at my face?
[04:32] Gin
    I didn't. It got sucked in to your face like
    it was going home to where it belonged.
[04:36] Hij
    Whose face are you calling a toilet?!
[04:38] Hij
    I'm gonna kill him for sure.
[04:40] Hij
    Wait, Toshi.
[04:41] Tet
    Gin-san...
[04:42] Gin
    Stay away.
[04:43] Gin
    This is a real-sword fight.
    Keep your noses out of it.
[04:47] Tet
    Gin-san, this is no time for that.
[04:49] Shin
    She's right. Even if you want
    to fight, your sword's gone.
[04:52] Gin
    But I have a sword right here.
[04:54] Gin
    The best sword and wielder in the universe?
[04:57] Gin
    What's so scary about that?
    All they can do is cut.
[05:02] Gin
    We're the dullest sword and the man with
    the most constipated ass in the universe.
[05:08] Gin
    Not even you can cut us down.
[05:10] Shin
    All we've got is negatives!
[05:12] Kus
    G-Gintoki-han!
[05:14] Gin
    Maganagi...
[05:15] Gin
    No matter how much you corner them,
[05:18] Gin
    you can't sever the bond between Kusanagi
    and Scabberina, between husband and wife.
[05:23] Sca
    So-kun!
[05:25] Sca
    What's wrong, So-kun?!
[05:27] Shin
    It's already severed, though!
    She's not worried about us at all!
[05:31] Gin
    Even if you lose your memories, the
    vow between husband and wife...
[05:36] Gin
    The depraved memories of the
    they exchanged thousands of times
[05:39] Gin
    will never vanish from their bodies!
[05:41] Shin*
    In the end, they're only
    linked by dirty things!
[05:44] Mag
    Fool. If you fight at such close range,
[05:48] Mag
    you'll be forced to step deep
    into your enemy's reach.
[05:51] Mag
    And once I'm awakened, any sword within
    my reach is rendered dull and useless!
[05:56] Kus
    No! Don't touch him!
[05:58] Kus
    If you touch him right now,
    I'll be cannibalized!
[06:01] Kus
    Gintoki-han!
[06:05] Gin
    Don't touch the sword? Are you stupid?
[06:08] Gin
    That's obvious in a real-sword fight.
[06:11] Kon
    No way. He's seeing through
    all of Sogo's moves.
[06:15] Gin
    You probably don't get it since
    you change bodies all the time.
[06:19] Gin
    But for us, it's all over if
    we get cut by a sword once.
[06:21] Gin
    We won't get anything done
    if we hesitate, though.
[06:24] Gin
    When it comes to real-sword fights,
[06:26] Gin
    only those crazy enough to walk into mortal
    danger bare-handed are cut out for it.
[06:32] Gin
    Right, Okita-kun?
[06:33] Gin
    Actually, you're not him.
[06:35] Gin
    His moves aren't this easy to read.
[06:39] Gin
    What did you even take over his body for?
[06:43] Mag
    You little!
[06:46] Gin
    I don't know or care how many
    blades you've eaten in your life.
[06:50] Gin
    But I know that I've beaten
    many more than that!
[07:00] Kus
    C-Crap... Gintoki-han, I can't go on.
[07:04] Kus
    Th-The Viagra's effects r-ran out.
[07:08] Gin
    Huh? Wait a second!
[07:11] Gin
    You can't pull that now! And I don't
    remember giving you any Viagra!
[07:15] Kus
    Shaddup! I told ya my speed's all I got!
[07:20] Kus
    This is all yer fault for
    draggin' out the foreplay!
[07:23] Gin
    My foreplay doesn't take too long,
    you broken bastard!
[07:25] Gin
    Get it up already! This is way
    worse than just being dull!
[07:28] Gin
    You're basically a soggy Curl snack now!
[07:30] Kag
    Don't worry, Gin-chan! The cheese
    flavor is good even when soggy!
[07:34] Gin
    You keep your mouth shut!
[07:37] Mag
    You let the chance of a lifetime slip.
[07:40] Mag
    Thanks for your helpful advice!
[07:47] Gin
    His moves are getting sharper!
[07:49] Mag
    Did you think I can only
    control the body, the vessel?
[07:54] Mag
    My belly is filled with the experience
    and tactics of everyone I've eaten.
[08:00] Mag
    By the time I get used to this body,
[08:03] Mag
    I'll bring out more power
    than it originally had.
[08:06] Mag
    You know why?
[08:07] Mag
    Because I've eaten and beaten more
    blades than you could ever hope to!
[08:15] Gin
    Guess he's not called a
    cursed sword for nothing.
[08:18] Shin
    Th-This is bad.
[08:19] Shin
    He has to avoid contact with the blade.
    And Kusanagi-san's all limp, to boot!
[08:22] Gin
    I've gotta do something, or I'll lose here.
[08:26] Shin
    Gin-san!
[08:30] Sca
    That's enough! Stop it, you two!
[08:33] Kus
    S-Scabberina.
[08:35] Mag
    Oh?
[08:36] Sca
    Stop fighting over me.
[08:40] Sca
    I can't bear to watch So-kun
    getting hurt anymore!
[08:44] Kus
    Wh-What're ya sayin', Scabberina?
[08:47] Kus
    Th-That ain't your sword or So-kun.
[08:51] Kus
    That's Cursed Sword Maganagi,
    the one who put us through hell!
[08:55] Sca
    Shut it, geezer! I don't give
    a flying rat's ass about you!
[08:59] Sca
    All I care about is So-kun's safety.
[09:02] Kus
    S-Scabberina...
[09:04] Kus
    Did ya forget about not
    just me, but Maganagi, too?
[09:09] Sca
    I beg you, So-kun. Please stop...
[09:16] Kus
    Scabberina!
[09:17] Kus
    Maganagi, you bastard!
[09:20] Mag
    Kusanagi, it seems your blade isn't
    the only thing that's gone dull.
[09:26] Mag
    That girl hasn't forgotten a thing.
[09:30] Mag
    She hasn't forgotten
    anything about you or me.
[09:34] Mag
    She just never knew.
[09:36] Kus
    She never knew? What do ya mean?
[09:39] Mag
    Haven't you figured it out yet?
[09:41] Mag
    That scabbard isn't yours or mine.
[09:46] Mag
    It's your daughter, Scarlett.
[09:50] Kus
    Say what?
[09:52] Tet
    What does he mean, daughter?
    How do they give birth?
[09:54] Mag
    I don't blame you for mistaking her.
[09:56] Mag
    Scarlett does look exactly
    like a younger version of her.
[10:01] Mag
    Scabberina was already pregnant with
    your daughter when you were separated.
[10:08] Mag
    And she raised her all by herself,
[10:10] Mag
    believing that you three would
    live as a family again one day.
[10:16] Mag
    But she was a single mother.
[10:18] Mag
    It wasn't easy for a scabbard
    without a sword to protect her child.
[10:22] Mag
    So she chose to survive by housing
    all kinds of other swords,
[10:28] Mag
    even if it meant betraying her husband.
[10:33] Mag
    But by then, she was already
    drained and exhausted.
[10:38] Kus
    Wh-Why? Why do ya know all this?!
[10:42] Mag
    Isn't that obvious? It's because I
    saved her from the hell she was in.
[10:47] Mag
    In the place of a dullard
    who never came to help her,
[10:51] Mag
    I freed Scabberina from her suffering.
[10:55] Kus
    D-Don't tell me, ya...
[10:58] Mag
    The reason I'm here right now
    is to keep my promise to her.
[11:05] (Flashback) Sca
    I don't care what happens to me.
[11:07] (Flashback) Sca
    But please help those two meet.
[11:10] (Flashback) Sca
    Even just one look will do. Let him
    see his daughter alive and well.
[11:18] (Flashback) Sen
    One look? Do I seem that heartless to you?
[11:25] Mag
    I'll bring your entire family together.
[11:28] Mag
    All three of you can meet in my belly.
[11:32] Kus
    Maganagi, you...
[11:37] Gin
    K-Kusanagi!
[11:39] Gin
    Don't tell me, back then?
[11:41] Gin
    Didn't I tell you? From the moment you
    tricked me, your fates were sealed.
[11:47] Kus
    W-Wait, Maganagi!
[11:49] Mag
    Fret not. I'll send your
    daughter after you at once.
[11:54] Mag
    Resent your own dull blade if you must.
[11:57] Mag
    Curse your foolishness for
    daring to defy me, Maganagi.
[12:02] Kus
    Don't!
[12:03] Kus
    Stop it, Maganagi!
[12:17] Kus
    Stop it, Maganagi!
[12:20] Kus
    Leave her alone!
[12:22] Kus
    Leave our... Leave our daughter alone!
[12:29] Shin
    Kusanagi-san!
[12:35] Mag
    This is the end...
[12:39] Mag
    I can't move?
[12:41] Oki
    Hold up. You're jumping the gun.
[12:47] Oki
    It's too early to go back into the scabbard.
[12:50] Mag
    Y-You...
[12:52] Kon
    S-Sogo?
[12:54] Mag
    How are you still here? I consumed your mind!
[13:00] Mag
    Th-The scabbard's... This can't be.
[13:05] Mag
    I, Maganagi, cannot control this man?
[13:10] Oki
    The duel isn't over yet.
[13:14] Oki
    They're not done yet.
[13:23] Mag
    What are you...
[13:25] Mag
    What do you plan to do with
    just that rotting, dull blade?
[13:29] Mag
    Kusanagi is already dead.
    Everything is all over.
[13:34] Mag
    The scabbard he was looking
    for is long gone, too.
[13:38] Mag
    You people lost to me, Maganagi.
[13:42] Gin
    Oh, but there's a scabbard right here.
[13:45] Gin
    Can't you see it?
[13:47] Gin
    Can't you see the scabbard that continued
    to protect her sword even when separated?
[13:52] Gin
    Can't you see this great scabbard that
    protected her husband and daughter to the end?
[13:58] Gin
    No matter how many times
    his blade crumbles away,
[14:00] Gin
    his soul doesn't have a single scratch on it.
[14:04] Gin
    With a true masterpiece,
    even if its blade chips away,
[14:09] Gin
    it can be reforged over and over
    as long as its core doesn't break.
[14:12] Gin
    It can be reborn over and over
    as long as it's doused in flames.
[14:15] Gin
    The flame hasn't gone out, Kusanagi.
[14:19] Gin
    My flame of life is still burning bright!
[14:24] Kag
    Gin-chan!
[14:26] Mag
    I-Impossible! He stuck the
    sword into his own butt?
[14:29] Mag
    C-Could that man be...
[14:31] Gin
    I'll let you suck me dry
    one last time, dumbass.
[14:35] Gin
    Drink as much of my boiling
    blood as you want!
[14:39] Mag
    No! He's feeding his own blood to Kusanagi?!
[14:44] Mag
    Is he trying to revive the sword?
[14:47] Mag
    Doesn't that man care about his own life?
[14:52] Oki
    He's such a messed-up samurai.
[14:55] Oki
    Forget protecting himself with a sword.
[14:57] Oki
    He himself became a scabbard
    that protects his sword.
[15:03] Oki
    Interesting.
[15:05] Oki
    Boss really
[15:09] Oki
    is interesting.
[15:11] Kon
    S-Sogo!
[15:12] Mag
    Wh-What are you doing?!
[15:15] Oki
    A duel has to be fair, or it'll be boring.
[15:18] Oki
    You can dig in if you're hungry, too.
[15:21] Oki
    If you can consume me, that is.
[15:28] Mag
    Fine! I'll devour every last bit of you!
[15:40] All
    Gin-san!
[15:41] Bo
    Sogo!
[16:10] Shin
    Gin-san... Okita-san...
[16:15] Kus
    Maganagi, looks like we both found
    ourselves some fine scabbards.
[16:22] Mag
    No doubt.
[16:30] Mag
    Looks like I was the dull one all along...
[16:50] Gin
    You...
[16:51] Oki
    Boss, let's fight with no
    distractions next time.
[16:56] Shin
    Gin-san! Kusanagi-san!
[16:59] Kag
    You did it! You really did it!
[17:02] Shin
    You won! Kusanagi-san won!
[17:05] Kus
    Yeah. It's all thanks to ya guys.
[17:09] Kus
    Thank ya so much for makin' me
    a masterpiece right at the very end.
[17:18] Shin
    K-Kusanagi-san?
[17:20] Shin
    How? Why?
[17:22] Kus
    It's fine. I've been runnin'
    on fumes for a long time.
[17:27] Kus
    I was always prepared for this.
[17:31] Kus
    Scabberina laid down her life
    ta protect our daughter.
[17:34] Kus
    If I didn't do the same,
    how could I face her in heaven?
[17:41] Shin
    Why are you being so negative?
[17:44] Shin
    You finally met your daughter!
[17:46] Shin
    Are you gonna leave her behind
    without introducing yourself?!
[17:54] Kus
    She grew up inta a fine woman.
    She really is just like Scabberina.
[18:01] Kus
    I got ta see that beautiful scabbard
    with my own eyes one more time.
[18:07] Kus
    I'm satisfied with that.
[18:12] Kus
    She shouldn't have ta live with the death
    of a dad who she'd never seen before.
[18:20] Kus
    She shouldn't need ta bear that cross.
[18:24] Kus
    As long as she lives strong
    with a smile on her face,
[18:27] Kus
    that's enough for Scabberina and me.
[18:33] Kus
    So please...
[18:36] Kus
    I beg ya...
[18:42] Kus
    Could ya put me ta rest
    in that lump of ironsand?
[18:48] Kus
    In that excaliburling grave,
    where I'm sure Scabberina's resting, too.
[18:56] Kag
    Kusanagi...
[19:03] Kag
    Gin-chan.
[19:05] Gin
    Even if you don't exchange any words,
[19:08] Gin
    even when you're far apart,
[19:11] Gin
    there are some things you just can't sever.
[19:14] Gin
    Not by such a dull sword, anyway.
[19:17] Gin
    You guys will always be connected.
    And we'll always be connected to you.
[19:24] Kus
    Gintoki-han, thank you.
[19:29] Kus
    I'm truly glad I got ta meet
    scabbards like you in the end.
SIGN    Smithy
[19:54] Sac
    Gee, So-kun, are you really
    gonna buy a new sword for me?
[19:59] Oki
    Maybe 'cause I kept wielding strange swords,
[20:02] Oki
    I don't feel like using a normal one anymore.
[20:05] Oki
    You too, right? An ordinary Kikuichimonji
    can't satisfy you anymore, right?
[20:10] Oki
    You'd prefer one with pearls
    or one that vibrates, right?
[20:14] Sac
    Eek, So-kun, you perv.
[20:17] Tet
    I'm sorry, but we don't
    sell such filthy swords.
[20:21] Oki
    That so?
[20:23] Oki
    And here I thought you picked up some pearls.
[20:27] Oki
    Ever since that day, the four of you
[20:29] Oki
    were stuck to the ground there,
    desperately picking up something.
[20:35] Tet
    It was just gravel.
[20:38] Tet
    But mixed in with that gravel is iron
    that's far more valuable than pearls.
[20:44] Tet
    I'm going to use it all to forge a sword.
[20:48] Oki
    That sounds like a pain.
[20:51] Oki
    Well, let me know when you're done.
[20:54] Tet
    Are you sure?
[20:56] Tet
    I bet it's going to be the
    dullest sword in the universe.
[20:59] Oki
    Yeah. It doesn't have to cut anything.
[21:07] Oki
    Because I'm sure the sword and scabbard
    are never gonna leave each other again.
SIGN    Sneak Peek
SIGN    The Bloody Shinsengumi Records
[21:23] Oki
    Hey, Hijikata.
[21:26] Oki
    Go get me some yakisoba bread.
[21:29] Mit
    So-chan!
[21:31] Mit
    Be polite when speaking to your superiors.
[21:35] Oki
    I'm sorry, Sister.
[21:41] Oki
    Hey, Hijikata.
[21:42] Oki
    Go get me some esteemed yakisoba bread.
[21:45] Mit
    Well done.
[21:49] Hij
    Uh, that wasn't all that different.
SIGN    The End
SIGN    Preview
[23:24] Shin
    Otsu-chan will show up next episode!
[23:26] Shin
    You all remember that I'm the captain
    of the Terakado Otsu fan club, right?
[23:30] Shin
    Right?
SIGN    Wash Your Hands Before a Handshake
[23:31] Shin
    Next time: "Wash Your
    Hands Before a Handshake."
[23:34] Shin
    Wash up well, Takachin!
SIGN    Preview
SIGN    Preview
SIGN    Beginning Soon
SIGN    The Final Arc
[23:43] Gin
    We've got you covered.
[23:44] Gin
    From walking your dog to keeping Earth safe,
[23:47] Gin
    we Odd Jobs will do anything.
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
SIGN    Production is smoothly
SIGN    you-know-what.
SIGN    The final arc was in a situation much like
SIGN    a restaurant that doesn't get any orders.
SIGN    But it's not like we forgot about it.
SIGN    There were just some adult issues at play.

E337 - Wash Your Hands Before a Handshake

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:04] Otsu
    The broadcast law can go to hell
[00:09] Otsu
    There's no turning back now
[00:16] Otsu
    Go to hell!
[00:20] Otsu
    Everyone, thank you dingleberries!
[00:23] Shin
    Dingleberries!
[00:26] Otsu
    Let's keep this show going anurarihyon!
[00:27] Gin
    What's with Otsu-chan lately?
[00:29] Shin
    Nurarihyon!
[00:29] Gin
    Hasn't she lost some steam?
[00:32] Shin
    Not true!
[00:33] Shin
    As always, any CD she releases
    ranks high on the Edocon charts!
[00:36] Gin
    Sure, but up-and-coming idols
    are ranking even higher.
[00:40] Gin
    Like EDO48 and NippleClo Z.
[00:43] Gin
    Nowadays, group units are
    more popular than solo acts.
[00:47] Gin
    At this rate, Otsu-chan will lose popularity,
[00:50] Gin
    fight with her agency over money,
[00:53] Gin
    and as she fades from memory, re-debut
    under some label like ****** or .
[00:59] Shin
    Don't jinx her!
[01:00] Shin
    The public eye always tends to wander,
[01:02] Shin
    but only the real deal
    will remain in the end!
[01:04] Shin
    So Terakado Tsu will be the last woman
    standing after this Warring Idols Era!
[01:09] Gin
    Are you stupid? Idols are all just little brats
    decked out in dreams and fantasies.
[01:13] Gin
    There are no fakes or real deals among them.
[01:16] Gin
    Sure, Otsu-chan is cute and a good singer.
[01:19] Gin
    But if she stands alone on stage,
[01:22] Gin
    the audience only gets a vague
    idea of how good she is.
[01:26] Gin
    But if you put her in a
    group with five or six uggos,
[01:29] Gin
    even an idiot could clearly recognize
    how cute and how good she is.
[01:33] Shin
    I don't know if you really need the uggos...
[01:36] Shin
    But you're right. That's a
    group's biggest advantage.
[01:39] Gin
    Basically,
[01:41] Gin
    she needs 47 uggos.
[01:43] Shin
    What kind of 48 is that?!
[01:45] Shin
    Are they re-enacting the Chushingura?!
[01:47] Gin
    If that's not possible, she can
    just go for the 48-position bingo.
[01:51] Shin
    Why are we back to her
    making a Muteki debut?!
[01:53] Shin
    Anyway, a solo act may only go so far,
[01:56] Shin
    but with some other members who
    all make each other look good,
[01:59] Shin
    Otsu-chan might hit even bigger heights.
[02:01] Shin
    But where will she find idols who
    can compete with her potential?
[02:06] Sayo
    Otsu-chan really is cute.
[02:09] Sayo
    I wonder how you become an idol.
[02:11] Sayo
    I didn't really get it,
[02:13] Sayo
    but Gin-chan said anyone can
    get in by selling pillow talk.
[02:17] Say
    Really? They sell pillows?
[02:20] Kag
    Yup. Apparently, for most
    idols, that's their main job.
[02:24] Say
    They're selling pillows while
    singing? That must be hard.
[02:28] P
    You're wrong, miss.
[02:31] P
    An idol's real job isn't
    to sing or sell pillows.
[02:38] P
    It's to sell dreams.
[02:41] P
    If you don't mind, could you join us—no,
[02:45] P
    join Terakado Tsu and
    sell dreams together?
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Slip Arc
SIGN    Wash Your Hands Before a Handshake
[04:25] Shin
    What?!
[04:27] Shin
    Kagura-chan, an idol?!
SIGN    Watch the Slip Arc in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV!
[04:29] Shin
    And you want to make her
    form a unit with Otsu-chan?!
[04:31] Shin
    Why are you resorting to such crazy schemes?!
[04:34] Shin
    And you call yourself the agency
    that's backed her all this time?!
[04:37] OMom
    It came as a surprise to me, too.
[04:40] OMom
    I couldn't believe the scout brought in
[04:42] OMom
    the girl from Odd Jobs, who'd
    helped us out in the past.
[04:45] Otsu
    But that's one of our scouts
    for you. He has a keen eye.
[04:48] Otsu
    I think Kagura-chan has all
    the makings of a fine idol.
[04:52] Otsu
    She's fair, has that foreign celeb thing going,
    and you could even call her pretty.
[04:57] Otsu
    And most of all, she looks
    at home doing anything.
[04:59] Shin
    Are there any idols who look
    at home picking their noses?
[05:03] Otsu
    Idols pick their noses, too. Even I—
[05:05] Shin
    No, you don't! Boogers
    don't exist for Otsu-chan!
[05:09] Shin
    Her nostrils are filled with pink,
    heart-shaped, sticky hopes and dreams!
[05:13] Otsu
    Uh, I'm pretty sure boogers would be better.
[05:16] OMom
    We're in the golden age of idol groups.
[05:20] OMom
    If Otsu doesn't do something now,
    she'll fall behind the times.
[05:23] OMom
    So we came up with this plan...
SIGN    Would you like to sing beside Terakado Tsu?
[05:25] OMom
    A plan to put her in a limited-time unit.
[05:28] OMom
    We call it the "Your Partner
    Is a er" Project.
SIGN    Your Partner Is a er
[05:31] OMom
    While pairing Otsu with a mysterious no-name
    to show a new, charming side of her,
[05:37] OMom
    we'll unearth a new diamond in the rough
    and market her in a package deal with Otsu.
[05:41] Shin
    Unearth? Dig this mine all you want,
    but all you'll find is boogers.
[05:45] OMom
    They may be boogers now,
[05:47] OMom
    but with polishing, they could
    become boogers harder than diamond.
[05:50] Shin
    But they'd still be boogers!
[05:52] OMom
    Anyway, Otsu needs an out-of-the-box partner.
[05:55] OMom
    Help us out.
[05:56] Shin
    Please calm down!
[05:58] Shin
    Do you want to waste all the
    hard work she's put in so far?
[06:01] Shin
    This girl isn't capable of being
    an idol and selling dreams!
[06:03] Shin
    If anything, she was created
    to crush the dreams of men!
[06:06] Shin
    A sad excuse for a Jump heroine!
[06:10] OMom
    Wow! What was that?
[06:11] Kag
    I let you talk, but you're
    just running your mouth now.
[06:14] Kag
    My boogers are already harder than diamonds.
[06:17] Otsu
    She could use that in a hidden
    talent contest for stars, Mom!
[06:21] Otsu
    Do it one more time!
[06:23] Gin
    Okay, that's enough.
[06:26] Gin
    Let's start talking business now.
[06:29] Gin
    She is our agency's main product.
[06:32] Otsu
    Huh?
[06:33] Otsu
    Agency? Product?
[06:35] Gin
    Yes. She's an idol that we developed.
[06:38] Gin
    For more than a decade since the anime began,
[06:39] Gin
    she has held firm as the center
    heroine and Gintama's idol.
[06:43] Gin
    If we're talking potential, we believe
    she far exceeds your Otsu-chan.
[06:50] G
    Okay. One, two, three.
[06:54] Gin
    So, President, we move forward
    on this as a co-production?
[06:58] OMom
    Yes, that's fine, Producer Sakata.
[07:01] Shin
    Him, a producer? He's just a leech.
[07:04] OMom
    It seems you weren't lying.
[07:07] OMom
    Her rhythm and sharp movements...
[07:09] OMom
    In terms of physical ability,
    she far exceeds Otsu.
[07:13] Gin
    Yeah.
[07:14] Gin
    No idol in the entire universe
    is a match for her on that front.
[07:17] Gin
    Right, Trainer Shimura?
[07:19] Shin
    Wait, I'm a trainer?
[07:22] OMom
    Good looks and great performing ability...
[07:24] OMom
    This may be the birth of a super idol.
[07:26] OMom
    Right, Manager Shimura?
[07:28] Shin
    Wait, am I a trainer or a manager? Pick one.
[07:31] Gin
    The real question is how we market them.
[07:35] OMom
    I'll let you handle that as the producer.
[07:39] OMom
    If we're trying to give
    Otsu a new kind of appeal,
[07:42] OMom
    then we should change
    how we produce her, too.
[07:44] OMom
    You can handle it, right?
[07:46] Gin
    No need to worry. We have an expert
    in idol studies on our side.
[07:50] Gin
    Right, Idol Nerd King?
[07:51] Shin
    Sorry. Could you give me
    a stable role already?
[07:54] OMom
    Show me what you've got,
    Sakata P and Shimura .
[07:59] Shin
    In the end, I'm just a perv?!
[08:03] Shin
    Hey, Gin-san!
[08:04] Shin
    Can you really produce idols?
[08:06] Gin
    As long as Otsu-chan is involved,
[08:08] Gin
    this will make shitloads
    of money, no matter what.
[08:10] Gin
    We should make them feel as indebted
    as possible and fleece them.
[08:15] Shin
    But Otsu-chan now has that
    massive booger stuck to her.
[08:15] G
    Okay. One, two, three.
[08:18] Gin
    What'd I tell you? a diamond shines extra
    bright with boogers all around it.
[08:19] G
    Okay. One, two, three.
[08:22] G
    Okay. One, two, three.
[08:27] Gin
    So, yeah, you'll be working as
    Booger Diamonds 48 from today on.
[08:33] Otsu
    Booger? Wait, that's our unit name, Producer?
[08:37] Otsu
    I don't know about having "booger" in the name.
[08:40] Kag
    She's right.
[08:41] Kag
    As the diamond, I don't mind, but
    put yourself in the booger's shoes.
[08:45] Shin
    Uh, you're the booger here.
[08:46] Gin
    It may sound Japanese, but "booger" means
    "limitless possibilities" in Spanish.
[08:50] Shin
    That's some impressive BS.
[08:51] Gin
    It also means "children of B'z and WANDS."
[08:54] Shin
    Why are you talking about B'z and
    WANDS like they're husband and wife?
SIGN    A Man's Badge of Honor
[08:57] Gin
    I wanna market you like the kid brother in
    the Yokohama Ginbae. Like Shima Daisuke.
SIGN    A Man's Badge of Honor
[09:02] Shin
    That's so old hat.
[09:03] Gin
    Right now, we should use the agency's
    pull to ride on all the coattails.
[09:09] Gin
    We'll handle the approvals later.
[09:10] Shin
    But this is going too far.
    They're idols, you know?
[09:13] Otsu
    I see.
[09:15] Otsu
    But we should at least make
    it a ladies' gang, Producer.
[09:18] Shin
    That's not the issue here, Otsu-chan.
[09:20] Kag
    Yeah, Sugimoto Tetta is cooler
    than Daisuke, Producer!
[09:24] Shin
    What do you think idols are?
[09:26] Shin
    The Daisuke part was all you picked up on!
[09:29] Gin
    How about this, then?
[09:31] Gin
    A long time ago, in a galaxy far away,
[09:34] Gin
    the great artists B'z and WANDS
    gave birth to 48 children.
[09:38] Shin
    Talk about grandiose!
[09:41] Gin
    The children scattered across the universe.
[09:43] Gin
    Among them, the twins that were number
    48—the last of the children—
[09:47] Gin
    descended on a planet called Earth...
[09:49] Shin
    Ah, like how Yukorin said
    she was from Planet Korin?
[09:57] Gin
    ...and made waves across the world.
[09:59] Shin
    Nothing's changed!
[10:01] Shin
    They just became Daisukerin in the end!
[10:03] Gin
    Daisukerin was supposed to make waves
    worldwide, and Booger Diamonds 48...
[10:10] Bo
    ...always supported him.
[10:11] Shin
    Enough about Daisuke!
SIGN    A Man's Badge of Honor
[10:12] Shin
    You two are the ones who need support!
[10:15] Otsu
    But suit-wearing idols
    might be a fresh concept.
[10:18] Otsu
    Wearing pants will limit the fanservice,
    but if we wear skirts instead
[10:22] Otsu
    and have a chic backing band, it could
    make for a cool and cute idol aesthetic.
[10:27] Otsu
    Here we go with "A Woman's Badge of Honor"!
SIGN    A Woman's Badge of Honor
[10:30] Shin
    Uh, the costumes are nice,
    but what about the song?
[10:32] Shin
    It's still stuck to the Daisuke thing.
[10:34] Kag
    How about this, then?
[10:36] Kag
    Here we go with "The Mark of a Woman," 'kay?
SIGN    The Mark of a Woman
[10:40] Shin
    Uh, that sounds like something else entirely.
[10:41] Gin
    This should do it, then.
SIGN    That Day of the Month
[10:45] Shin
    What're you trying to make idols sing?!
[10:47] Shin
    That's what "A Woman's
    Badge of Honor" was about?
[10:49] Shin
    That's what "The Mark of a Woman" meant?!
[10:51] Gin
    Hey, don't jump to conclusions.
[10:54] Gin
    By "that day of the month," we mean...
SIGN    That Day of the Month
[10:57] Gin
    ...that day when there's a lot of
    Daisuke in the backing band.
[10:59] Shin
    What kinda day is that?!
[11:00] Shin
    You again? You came home with your
    tail between your legs again?!
[11:04] Shin
    What happened to going into politics?!
[11:06] Gin
    Daisukerin made a comeback to
    showbiz, and Booger Diamonds 48...
[11:11] Bo
    ...still supports him!
[11:13] Shin
    Forget about Daisuke already!
[11:16] Shin
    Anyway, why don't we look at the big picture?
[11:20] Shin
    What kind of personalities
    will they be playing?
[11:23] Gin
    They're B'z and WANDS's children, right?
[11:25] Gin
    They can just end every sentence with "zu."
[11:27] Tamo
    Here are our guests for today.
[11:29] Bo
    Hello. We are Booger Diamondzu 48zu.
[11:33] Shin
    They sound like hicks. Sounds
    like they're speaking a dialect.
[11:35] Crowd
    Right.
[11:37] Gin
    Then instead of "zu," let's go with "z."
SIGN    Zu
[11:39] Tamo
    Cut your hair?
[11:40] Kag
    I did, yezzz...
[11:41] Shin
    She fell asleep!
[11:43] Crowd
    Right.
[11:44] Gin
    Forget "z," then. Let's go with "s."
[11:46] Kag
    Lost your hair?
[11:48] Shin
    She just became a sadist!
[11:49] Crowd
    Right.
[11:50] Gin
    Let's do this, then.
[11:52] Kag
    It's time for a short break, I'll never
    hurt you in all my love and selfishness.
[11:57] Otsu
    Don't change the channel, let's rend this
    moment with bullets from a rusty gun!
[12:01] Shin
    Those verbal tics are too long!
[12:02] Shin
    Why song titles as a verbal tic?
    That's too much love and selfishness!
[12:05] Shin
    Tamo-san will rust away
    before they finish talking!
[12:08] Gin
    Quit complaining when you
    don't have any ideas.
[12:11] Gin
    I can't work with you, let's break
    up and I'll vanish from before you.
[12:15] Shin
    Why's the producer using
    Ohguro Maki song titles, too?
[12:17] Gin
    This is a pain.
[12:18] Gin
    Why don't we just have B'z and
    WANDS be the backing bands?
[12:21] Shin
    That'd just be a B'z and WANDS concert!
[12:23] Shin
    They'd eat us alive!
[12:25] Tae
    Shin-chan's right.
[12:27] Tae
    You're on the right track with B'z and WANDS,
[12:31] Tae
    but you're overlooking something
    important, Producer Sakata.
[12:35] Shin
    Sis?
[12:37] Tae
    Sorry for barging in.
[12:39] Tae
    I heard Kagura-chan was going to
    debut, so I wanted to cheer her on.
[12:43] Tae
    Here, I brought refreshments.
[12:44] Kag
    Boss lady!
[12:46] Tae
    I was just going to give you this and leave,
[12:48] Tae
    but I couldn't let it slide.
[12:50] Otsu
    Wow! What is this?
[12:52] Tae
    Producer Sakata.
[12:54] Tae
    You don't understand a thing.
[12:56] Tae
    All you're thinking about is how to market,
    how to make the audience happy.
[12:59] Tae
    It's all about the audience.
[13:02] Tae
    But the enemy isn't only in front of you.
[13:05] Tae
    The real enemy lurks behind the girls.
[13:09] Tae
    The backing band and backup dancers.
[13:11] Tae
    Don't you know how many
    idols they've gobbled up?
[13:15] Shin
    What're you talking about?!
[13:16] Tae
    Think back to Asa **** and Ham
[13:20] Tae
    and how backup whatevers are always
    taking idols from the back.
[13:25] Shin**
    Yes, it happens a lot, but so what?!
[13:26] Tae
    They pretend to be on the idols' side,
[13:29] Tae
    but they always target them
    from the defenseless back,
[13:33] Tae
    sharpening their nails to strike.
[13:35] Tae
    And the moment the idol
    gives them an opening...
[13:37] BD
    Gotcha!
[13:38] Shin
    That backup dancer is way too scary!
[13:41] Tae
    In showbiz, the talent are products.
[13:45] Tae
    Those in the business should never
    ignore the fans and defile that product.
[13:50] Shin
    Otsu-chan!
[13:52] Shin
    Uh, an idol is about to die
    thanks to your refreshments!
[13:56] Tae
    And you men should be aware how
    idols are expected to stay pure.
[14:01] Tae
    Not putting careful thought into choosing
    the backing band is simply preposterous.
[14:05] Tae
    You must reconsider at once.
[14:08] Gin
    Like you'd know anything, outsider.
[14:10] Gin
    Who would you place at the back, then?
[14:14] Kyu
    On guitar, Kyubei!
[14:18] Tsu
    On b-bass, Tsukuyo!
[14:21] Sac
    On drums, Sacchan!
[14:24] Tae
    On castanets, Otae!
[14:27] Tae
    Together, the four of us...
[14:28] All
    ...are Diamond Vacuum!
[14:30] Shin
    You totally wanna eat Otsu-chan alive, too!
[14:32] Shin
    Where'd you come from,
    you brain-dead backing band?!
[14:35] Sac
    What're you saying?
[14:37] Sac
    We, Diamond Vacuum, had promised to make
    our music debut long before you guys.
[14:42] Kyu
    Our chance has finally arrived, Otae-chan.
[14:44] Shin
    No chance in hell! Get outta here!
[14:47] Tae
    We get it.
[14:49] Tae
    We're okay with being the backing band.
[14:51] Tae
    But please don't forget what I said about
    an idol's enemies lurking behind her.
[14:56] Gin
    What are you plotting?!
[14:57] Gin
    And what do you mean,
    "on castanets"? You're useless!
[15:01] Tsu
    Hey, what's "bass"?
[15:03] Tsu
    What, do I have to hit a ball
    with this thing and run to base?
[15:07] Gin
    Who brought this bum here?!
[15:09] Shin
    Get out! All of you get out!
[15:12] OMom
    Producer Sakata is good.
[15:14] OMom
    He's even got a backing band full of beauties.
[15:17] OMom
    This is sure to spur Otsu on.
[15:21] OMom
    Otsu, if you slack off,
    you really will be eaten alive.
[15:25] OMom
    Do your best.
[15:28] Otsu
    Who am I?
[15:32] OMom
    Otsu!
SIGN    Debut Single
    
    An Idol's Badge of Honor
[15:50] S
    Looks like Terakado Tsu's making her move.
[15:52] S
    Booger Diamonds 48, huh?
[15:56] S
    I don't know where she found this
    partner, but she's pretty cute.
[16:01] S
    She truly looks boorish and uncultured,
[16:05] S
    like the poster girl of a
    diner out in the sticks.
[16:08] S
    The perfect partner for her.
[16:13] S
    She should've quietly
    faded away as a solo act.
[16:18] S
    Does she really think she can
    beat us with this partner?
[16:22] S
    Terakado Tsu and Booger Diamonds 48.
[16:26] S
    I can't wait to see what a top
    idol on Earth is like.
[16:32] G
    Wh-What the hell is this?
[16:34] G
    Otsu-chan is making a unit debut?
[16:36] Taka
    This ain't funny! Who the
    hell is this booger girl?
[16:40] G
    We've always worshiped Otsu-chan
    as the one true goddess!
[16:43] G
    How dare they defile her
    with this package deal?!
[16:47] G
    As her fanclub, we will
    never accept this unit!
[16:50] G
    Yeah, yeah!
[16:52] G
    This is bad.
[16:54] G
    Let Captain Shimura know at once!
[16:58] Kag
    Manager Shimura!
[17:00] Otsu
    What're you doing over there?
[17:02] Kag
    Idols are busy people! Get me my
    sukonbu already, you rotten manager!
[17:07] G
    Manager Shimura?
[17:09] G
    Captain!
[17:10] G
    And Otsu-chan, too!
[17:12] G
    What's the meaning of this, Captain?!
[17:14] G
    Surely you didn't make her do this...
[17:16] Shin
    No, that's not it!
[17:18] Shin
    Hey, wait up!
[17:22] Shin
    Don't leave me behind!
SIGN    Studio Edo
[17:26] Otsu
    La la la, idol
[17:32] Kag
    Accel, consul, it's dreams
    that we sell, 'kay?
[17:38] Gin
    Wait, time out.
[17:39] Gin
    Quit mixing in the 'kays, Kagura.
    You're ruining the lyrics.
[17:43] Gin
    Just forget about your character
    and lay yourself bare.
[17:47] Gin
    Try being plain old Kugimiya-san.
[17:50] Shin
    Aw, the one place where I could shine...
[17:54] Shin
    Producer Sakata, did you
    see how the fans reacted?
[17:57] Shin
    What now? Nobody wants this unit.
[18:01] Gin
    Don't worry.
[18:02] Gin
    I've got a huge event lined
    up for the CD's release.
[18:06] Gin
    The backing band's making
    adjustments for it, too.
[18:06] Tsu
    Why do I have to do this?
[18:08] Gin
    As long as we create enough hype
    by then, it won't be a problem.
[18:11] Gin
    You fell in love with Otsu-chan when
    you watched her street concerts, right?
[18:16] Gin
    Real popularity is always built
    up slowly and steadily like that.
[18:20] Gin
    People who become fans overnight
    also leave overnight.
[18:23] Gin
    There are no shortcuts in
    showbiz, Manager Shimura.
[18:27] Shin
    That's true.
[18:29] Gin
    I feel bad for Otsu-chan, but she'll
    have to forget she's a top idol
SIGN    Pillow Talk Meet
SIGN    As long as you give us money, we'll sell you dreams, pillows, or whatever.
[18:33] Gin
    and start over from sales.
SIGN    Pillow Talk Meet
[18:37] Shin
    What's slow and steady about this?!
[18:38] Shin
    What do you mean, pillow talk meet?
[18:40] Shin
    What're you trying to make idols do?!
[18:42] Gin
    It's basically a meet-and-greet.
[18:44] Gin
    You know how "idols you can
    meet" are all the rage?
[18:47] Gin
    We'll go with "idols you can pillow talk."
[18:49] Shin
    You can't call those idols!
[18:51] Gin
    Relax. I know it says pillow talk,
SIGN    Otsu
[18:54] Gin
    but this is just a meet-and-greet where
    we sell expensive autographed pillows.
[18:57] Shin
    That's basically a scam!
SIGN    Kagura
[19:00] G
    Pillow talk with Otsu-chan!
[19:03] Shin
    A whole horde of men showed
    up with the wrong idea!
[19:06] Gin
    Looks like it worked.
[19:08] Shin
    Like hell! This is too risky!
[19:10] Gin
    Meet-and-greets are always full of risks.
[19:13] Gin
    All idol nerds touch their
    dcks before going to those.
[19:17] Gin
    The idols and fans both get covered in dck.
[19:19] Gin
    In the end, it just becomes
    dcks shaking hands with dcks.
[19:22] Shin
    What kind of risk are
    you even talking about?!
[19:23] Kag
    Ugh, are you serious? That's horrible.
[19:26] Kag
    Make them disinfect before shaking hands.
[19:28] Shin
    An idol with her hand covered
    in boogers shouldn't talk!
[19:31] Otsu
    It's okay. If this made me lose heart,
     I'd never make it as an idol.
[19:35] Gin
    That's a pro for you.
[19:36] Gin
    Don't worry. We'll protect
    you if anything happens.
[19:40] Kag
    Promise?
[19:42] Kag
    Come save us at once if
    anyone dangerous shows up.
[19:45] Shin
    The idol's more dangerous!
[19:46] Kag
    Okay, next.
[19:48] Kag
    Okay, next.
[19:49] Shin
    Wait, wait, wait!
[19:50] Kag
    Okay, next.
[19:52] Shin
    Forget meet-and-greet! This has become
    Hanayama Kaoru's Vice Grip Meet!
[19:52] Kag
    Okay, next.
[19:54] Kag
    Okay, next.
[19:56] Kag
    Okay, next.
[19:57] Kag
    Huh? I'm not supposed to
    send them to the pillows?
[20:00] Shin
    This isn't what pillow business means!
[20:01] Shin
    They're all dying off before they
    can reach Otsu-chan, their goal!
[20:04] G
    Screw you! I came here 'cause I heard
    I could pillow talk with Otsu-chan!
[20:08] G
    We can't even shake her hand like this!
[20:10] G
    Gimme back my money!
[20:12] Shin
    This is bad, Producer Sakata!
[20:14] Shin
    We won't get popular like
    this! We'll get sued!
[20:16] Gin
    Rest assured. All of this
    was just a sideshow.
[20:19] Gin
    The main event starts now.
SIGN    Otsu
SIGN    Kagura
[20:21] Gin
    Anyone who buys a pillow
[20:23] Gin
    will get a Booger Diamonds
    48 lap pillow coupon!
[20:28] Shin
    What do you think you're saying, Gin-san?
[20:30] Gin
    What's wrong with lap pillows?
    It's not like they lose anything.
[20:33] Kag
    Yeah, sounds good.
[20:35] Kag
    Take this.
[20:35] Kag
    Lap Pillow Punch!
[20:37] Shin
    There's nothing good about this!
[20:38] Kag
    Lap Pillow Punch!
[20:39] Shin
    Who asked you to use that
    random martial art?!
[20:40] Kag
    Lap Pillow Punch!
[20:41] Kag
    Lap Pillow Punch!
[20:42] Shin
    What the hell is a Lap Pillow
    Punch? It's just a knee strike!
[20:45] Kag
    I sleep better with a hard pillow.
[20:48] Shin
    Nobody cares about your pillow preferences!
[20:51] Shin
    I know you sleep like a log,
    but that doesn't matter!
[20:53] C
    Knock it off! We're not here
    to visit some S&M club!
[20:56] C
    You really call yourself idols?!
[20:58] Shin
    Sakata P!
[20:59] Gin
    That was a sideshow, too.
SIGN    Otsu
SIGN    Kagura
[21:01] Gin
    Anyone who buys a pillow
[21:03] Gin
    will get to sleep for a tiny bit with
    Booger Diamonds 48 on that very pillow!
[21:08] Kag
    Zzz...
[21:10] Kag
    No, that's my Happy Turn!
[21:14] Gin
    That was a sideshow, too!
[21:16] Gin
    If you buy right here and now,
[21:18] Gin
    you get a special price of 49,800 yen
    and 4 bonus pillow storage boxes!
[21:23] Shin
    Now you're just Suckerta
    on the TV Shopping Network!
[21:25] G
    What the hell is wrong with these guys?
[21:27] G
    Screw this! Let's bounce!
[21:29] Shin
    Hey, wait!
[21:32] S
    Aw, the poor things. How could
    you be so mean to your fans?
[21:37] S
    To idols, the fans are gods.
[21:40] S
    We would never let you look
    so sad when you leave.
[21:47] G
    That's...
[21:47] S
    Why? Because...
[21:51] S
    Tubular!
[21:52] S
    We provide dreams to all of space
[21:55] S
    as the special unit of galactic idols.
[21:57] S
    That is why.
[22:01] Shin
    Galaxy Kingdom Bitches 48?!
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Preview
[23:39] Kag
    What's with these girls?
[23:41] Kag
    I can't believe they can
    say "tubular" when sober.
[23:43] Kag
    We'll see if you can maintain that attitude
    after you watch our meet-and-greet.
SIGN    Diamonds are Unscratchable
[23:47] Kag
    Next time: "Diamonds are Unscratchable."
SIGN    Preview
[23:50] S
    They might not let us, even
    if this is a late-night slot.
SIGN    We've already pulled all kinds of crap over the years.
SIGN    What can they possibly be planning to pull now?
SIGN    When GKB48 challenge them,
SIGN    how will BDZ48 respond?!

E338 - Diamonds are Unscratchable

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Slip Arc
SIGN    Diamonds are Unscratchable
SIGN    GKB48's Request!! Watch this program in a bright room
     and at a safe distance from your TV ♥
[01:40] S
    We would never let you
    leave looking so sad.
[01:46] S
    Why? Because...
[01:47] S
    We provide dreams to all of space
[01:51] S
    as the special unit of galactic idols.
[01:54] S
    That is why.
[01:56] G
    That's...
[01:59] Shin
    Galaxy Kingdom Bitches 48?!
[02:02] Shin
    Why are they on Earth?
[02:04] Bi
    Guys, come to our meet-and-greet and wipe
    this bitter taste out of your mouths.
[02:10] Bi
    Otherwise your Bitchie will
    be so lonely, she'll cry.
[02:14] G
    I-I can't believe I get to
    meet the universe's top idols!
[02:18] G
    Is this some dream or fantasy?!
[02:20] G
    I'm going first!
[02:21] G
    No, I am!
[02:23] Gin
    Wait, what? Giant Knobhead Bitches 48?
[02:27] Shin
    No way... They're here in Edo?
[02:30] Shin
    They are Galaxy Kingdom Bitches 48.
[02:33] Shin
    On several planets, top idol groups
    faced off in a public vote,
[02:35] Shin
    and only the centers whose
    groups placed at the top—
[02:38] Shin
    in other words, only the top of the
    top idols from across the galaxy—
[02:42] Shin
    formed this top idol group!
[02:43] Gin
    How many times are you gonna say "top"?
[02:44] Shin
    They're the biggest idols in the galaxy!
[02:47] Shin
    They traverse planets, nabbing
    the top idol spot on each one,
[02:50] Shin
    then move on to their next target.
[02:51] Shin
    If that special unit of idols is here in
    Edo and showed up in front of Otsu-chan,
[02:57] Shin
    that must mean their next target is...
[03:00] Bi
    Terakado Tsu.
[03:01] Bi
    We got a good look at how
    Edo's top idol does sales.
[03:05] Bi
    I'm amazed you sit at the
    top of the pile like that.
[03:08] Bi
    It seems Edo has the weakest idols
    of all the planets we've been to.
[03:15] Bi
    Let us show you how real idols
[03:19] Bi
    do meet-and-greets.
[03:21] Shin
    A-Are those...
[03:23] Bi
    Line up and come in one by one, guys.
[03:26] Bi
    We want to spend quality
    time with each of you.
[03:30] Shin
    Why have closed spaces if
    they're only gonna shake hands?
[03:33] Taka
    Challenge accepted. I'll go first.
[03:37] Shin
    Taka-chin?
[03:39] Taka
    You ran your mouth at Otsu-chan.
[03:41] Taka
    If this meet-and-greet ain't up to
    scratch, you'll be in real trouble.
[03:45] Shin
    Taka-chin!
[03:46] Taka
    Sorry, Shin-chan.
[03:47] Taka
    I honestly don't understand what you're
    trying to do with Otsu-chan right now.
[03:54] Taka
    But I believe that you'll
    protect her to the end.
[04:01] Taka
    I believe that she would
    never lose to these hussies!
[04:05] Shin
    Taka-chin!
[04:09] Taka
    Huh? Seriously?
[04:10] Taka
    Is this how it works?
[04:12] Gin
    Uh, why is it shaking?
[04:13] Shin
    Taka-chin!
[04:16] Gin
    Huh? Was he in his undies just now?
[04:17] Shin
    Taka-chin!
[04:18] Gin
    I hear weird noises. What is that?
    What's going on?
[04:21] Shin
    Taka-chin!
[04:22] Gin
    He was totally butt-naked!
    What're they doing?
[04:24] Gin
    Are they really shaking hands?
[04:26] Shin
    Taka-chin!
[04:28] Gin
    Uh, hold up. What is this?
[04:30] Gin
    They're not shaking hands at all. They're
    doing something totally different.
[04:32] Shin
    Taka-chin!
[04:34] Gin
    What is that? Something just came out.
[04:35] Gin
    What's going on in there?
    What're you guys doing?
[04:38] Shin
    Taka-chin!
[04:39] Gin
    Now his whole body's covered in pixels!
    What happened to him?
[04:41] Gin
    Taka-chin!
[04:42] Shin
    Taka-chin!
[04:43] Gin
    Taka-chin?
[04:43] Shin
    Taka-chin!
[04:45] Gin
    Taka-chin?
[04:45] Shin
    Taka-chin!
[04:46] Gin
    Taka-chin?!
[04:47] Shin
    Taka-chin!
[04:51] Shin
    Taka-chin!
[04:52] Shin
    Pull yourself together, Taka-chin!
[04:54] Shin
    What happened, Taka-chin?!
[04:58] Taka
    Once I get home, I'm gonna
    burn all my porn mags.
[05:02] Shin
    What'd they do to you?!
[05:03] Gin
    What'd they do to him?
    They clearly just did him!
[05:06] Gin
    They totally got down and dirty.
[05:08] Gin
    He looks like he released everything he had
    pent up. He's basking in the afterglow.
[05:11] Shin
    Taka-chin, tell me what happened inside.
[05:14] Taka
    Everything turned white.
[05:16] Gin
    Crap! Now he's turned completely white!
[05:19] G
    Once I get home, I'll try being nicer to Mom.
[05:21] G
    I'll try to find something
    good about Kamiji Yusuke.
[05:24] Shin
    Hey! People are getting enlightened
    in the afterglow one after another!
[05:27] Gin
    Wait, are you kidding me?
[05:28] Gin
    Seriously? Is this for real?
[05:29] Gin
    What, do they shake something
    other than hands on their planets?
[05:33] Gin
    Are you kidding me? Seriously?
    Is this for real?
[05:35] Shin
    Calm down, Gin-san!
[05:38] Bi
    Our meet-and-greet made
    everyone weak in the knees.
[05:46] Bi
    Terakado Tsu, we've rendered all
    your fans completely spineless.
[05:50] Bi
    They're wrapped around our fingers.
[05:54] Bi
    This is what real idols are capable of.
[05:57] Bi
    What the greatest galactic
    idol group is capable of.
[06:00] Bi
    What Galaxy Kingdom Bitches 48 is capable of.
[06:03] Gin
    Uh, idols? You're practically
    just pres!
[06:06] Bi
    What? How mean!
[06:08] Bi
    You know nothing about me!
[06:11] Bi
    You know nothing about
    what we were doing inside!
[06:16] Bi
    If you suspect us that much,
    why don't you try it yourself...
[06:19] Bi
    Our meet-and-greet.
[06:21] Gin
    I'll take the special course, please.
[06:22] Bi
    Meet-and-greet.
[06:23] Gin
    I can start a tab with you, right?
[06:25] Shin
    Like hell!
[06:26] Tsu
    No... My fans, who've been
    behind me all this time...
[06:26] Crowd
    All hail Galaxy Kingdom Bitches 48!
[06:30] Tsu
    The ones who've supported
    me all this time...
[06:33] Tsu
    In one moment, they all just...
[06:39] Tsu
    No...
[06:43] Tsu
    This can't be.
[06:46] Tsu
    This can't be happening!
[06:48] Shin
    Otsu-chan!
[06:48] Gin
    H-Hey! How long are you
    gonna sleep, you dumbass?!
[06:51] Shin
    Wait, Otsu-chan!
[06:54] Gin
    We still have a bunch of pillow
    sales events lined up after this!
[06:57] Gin
    Hey!
[07:00] Bi
    She went down far easier than expected.
[07:03] Crowd
    All hail Galaxy Kingdom Bitches 48!
[07:03] Bi
    But this isn't enough.
[07:05] Bi
    Getting these core idol fans on
    our side doesn't mean a thing.
[07:09] Bi
    All of Edo must watch as Terakado Tsu
    and Booger Diamonds 48 fall to pieces.
[07:17] Bi
    They need to know that we, Galaxy Kingdom
    Bitches 48, are the greatest idols alive.
[07:23] Bi
    Showtime is only just beginning.
[07:29] Shin
    I see.
[07:30] Shin
    Otsu-chan's still holed up?
[07:33] OMom
    She seems to be taking it really hard.
[07:36] Shin
    Sorry. It's all our fault
    for being so useless.
[07:39] OMom
    Oh, no. I made her form a unit to put
    her under this exact kind of pressure.
[07:45] OMom
    But I can't believe they came
    gunning for Otsu at the same time.
[07:49] OMom
    She's hit rock bottom, and
    she may not climb back up.
[07:53] Shin
    Otsu-chan will definitely bounce back!
[07:56] Shin
    She'd never lose to those people!
[07:57] Gin
    Yeah. Right now, we don't
    stand to make any mon—
[08:00] Gin
    I mean, make a decent impression,
    so give us a chance to turn this around.
[08:03] Kag
    Otsu's not alone.
[08:05] Kag
    If she's hit rock bottom,
    there's still something I,
[08:08] Kag
    along with Booger Diamonds 48,
    can do to help her.
[08:11] Kag
    I want her to remember that.
[08:15] OMom
    There's nothing any of you can do.
[08:18] OMom
    I mean...
SIGN    Terakado Tsu Cries Outside a Love Hotel!!
SIGN    Producer Carries BDZ48 Member Home!
[08:23] OMom
    You're all down there with her.
[08:36] R
    There they are!
[08:37] R
    It's Booger Diamonds 48's
    producer, Mr. Sakata!
[08:41] R
    What was Otsu-chan doing
    in front of a love hotel?
[08:44] R
    Is it true that you're using
    your position as producer
[08:46] R
    to screw around with your agency's idols?
[08:49] Shin
    You've got the wrong idea!
[08:50] Shin
    I was the one who was with
    Otsu-chan! I'm her manager!
[08:53] Shin
    We were just talking about work—
[08:55] R
    So the producer and manager are both
    screwing around with their agency's idols?
[08:59] Shin
    Did you listen to a word I said?!
[09:00] R
    Well?
[09:01] Gin
    You know they're gonna twist
    your words, Shinpachi.
[09:04] Gin
    Just get through it by saying
    "Whatever. I don't care."
[09:06] Shin
    They'll twist that even worse!
[09:07] Gin
    We've done nothing wrong.
    No need to run or hide.
[09:10] Kag
    That's right.
[09:12] Kag
    Besides, Gin-chan and I have gone long
    past "taking home." We live together.
[09:17] R
    What do you mean, you live together?
[09:19] Kag
    He keeps me at home without pay
[09:20] Kag
    and makes me do all kinds of stuff from
    morning to night until I can't stand.
[09:25] Kag
    Nothing wrong with that.
[09:27] Shin
    Everything about that sounds wrong!
[09:28] R
    Sakata-san, are you a lolicon po?
[09:31] Gin**
    I'm not a po! The P stands for producer!
[09:33] Gin**
    I'm not a lolicon, either!
[09:34] R
    So you're a po P?
[09:36] Gin**
    Knock it off already, you rotten cue ball!
[09:38] R
    Did you hear that verbal abuse?
[09:42] Tsu
    I no longer have any fans cheering me on.
[09:47] TV
    Showbiz really is seedy, huh?
[09:49] TV
    Well, everyone in the entertainment
    business is like this.
[09:49] Tsu
    I don't have anyone on my side.
[09:53] TV
    Should've seen it coming.
SIGN    Otsu and Her Manager
SIGN    Super Edo Scoop
[09:55] Shin
    Otsu-chan's in big trouble,
    and it's all our fault!
[09:58] Gin
    Tch.
[09:59] Gin
    Who woulda thought this would happen right
    before the release of the debut single?
[10:02] OMom
    We've been had.
[10:04] OMom
    The background on this
    photograph has been shopped.
[10:08] OMom
    In other words, you were used
    in a plot to bring Otsu down...
[10:13] OMom
    by Galaxy Kingdom Bitches 48.
[10:16] Shin
    Th-They were behind this?
[10:18] OMom
    They're a special squad that has destroyed
    top idols on all kinds of planets.
[10:22] OMom
    They're not picky about their methods.
[10:24] Shin
    They'll pay for this.
[10:25] Shin
    Let's expose their tactics and condemn them!
[10:28] OMom
    They have tremendous influence
    with media across the galaxy.
[10:32] OMom
    It'll never see the light of day.
[10:34] Gin
    At this point, our only choice is to
    upload a shaved-head apology video.
[10:39] Shin
    Even if you hate me, the manager,
[10:41] Shin
    please don't come to hate Booger Diamonds 48!
[10:44] Shin
    What part do you think you're shaving off?!
[10:45] Kag
    Or we'll have to put fries
    and Shinpachi side-by-side
[10:48] Kag
    and upload a video about
    which one will rot sooner.
[10:50] Shin
    Your brains are what's rotten!
[10:52] OMom
    Too late for that too, apparently.
    They got the jump on us.
[10:57] Bi
    Greetings, earthlings!
[10:59] Bi
    We are the special unit of galactic idols,
[11:02] Bi
    Galaxy Kingdom Bitches 48!
[11:05] Bi
    As it turns out, we're going
    to make our debut on Earth!
[11:10] All
    Yay!
[11:12] Bi
    Our new single, "A Slut's Badge
    of Honor," releases December 10th.
[11:16] Shin
    December 10th? The same release date
    as Booger Diamonds 48's debut single?
[11:20] Gin
    They're even going with a similar title.
[11:22] Bi
    With that in mind, we plan to hold*
    a release event at Oedo Dome.
[11:29] Bi
    But since that alone wouldn't
    be exciting enough,
[11:31] Bi
    we've got some big guests lined up.
[11:33] Bi
    Surprise!
[11:35] Bi
    We want to invite Edo's top idol,
    Terakado Tsu-chan, to this event!
[11:41] Shin
    Wha?!
[11:42] Bi
    We don't have an appointment yet, but...
[11:44] Bi
    Terakado Tsu-san, why don't we face
    off to determine Edo's top idol?
[11:50] Bi
    Us, Galaxy Kingdom Bitches 48,
[11:54] Bi
    versus Terakado Tsu's Booger Diamonds 48?
[11:58] Bi
    Let's compete to see which of us can
    charm more fans in a meet-and-greet.
[12:03] Bi
    The winner gets to perform
    their new single live.
[12:06] Bi
    But the loser has to retire from the
    idol industry right then and there.
[12:12] Bi
    It's a battle to determine the top idol.
    There has to be some risk involved.
[12:17] Bi
    Let's settle this, Terakado Tsu-san.
[12:19] Bi
    You were once the top idol in all of Edo.
[12:23] Bi
    We trust you won't run
    away from this challenge.
SIGN    Up Next The Making of Galaxy Kingdom Bitches 48's "A Slut's Badge of Honor"
SIGN    Cancel
[12:29] Shin
    Th-That was...
[12:31] OMom
    Well played.
[12:32] OMom
    Now that they've released
    this video to the public,
[12:35] OMom
    our reputation will be ruined if we refuse.
[12:37] Gin
    For someone so cute, she sure can play dirty.
[12:40] Gin
    Kingdom Bitches is a fitting name, I say.
[12:42] OMom
    The words "idol" and "bitch"
    are practically synonyms.
[12:45] OMom
    They're several times
    better at this than Otsu.
[12:48] Shin
    That's a hell of a thing for the
    president of an idol agency to say.
[12:52] OMom
    But we can't put her idol career on
    the line, even if it makes us lose face.
[12:57] OMom
    And having lost all her fans,
    Otsu stands no chance—
[12:59] Shin
    Not all of them.
[13:02] Shin
    She still has three fans right here.
[13:05] Kag
    Relax. I won't cause any trouble.
[13:08] Kag
    An idol digs out her boogers
    with her own hands.
[13:11] Gin
    And besides, we Booger Diamonds 48
[13:14] Gin
    are fully prepared to be the boogers that
    make Otsu-chan's diamond shine bright.
[13:20] OMom
    You guys...
[13:22] Shin
    Until now, Otsu-chan has given
    us hopes and dreams as an idol.
[13:28] Shin
    Now, it's our turn as fans to return the
    favor by giving her hopes and dreams.
SIGN    Oedo Dome
[13:41] Bi
    Hello, everyone!
[13:43] Bi
    Thanks for coming to see us today!
[13:48] Bi
    We are the idols of the entire universe...
[13:51] Bi
    Galaxy Kingdom Bitches 48!
[13:55] Bi
    And here is the group that
    accepted our challenge...
[13:59] Kag
    Heya. We are Booger Diamonds 48.
[14:02] Bi
    Yeah, right!
[14:04] Bi
    Where's Otsu? You're just
    three piles of boogers now!
[14:08] Bi
    What kinda nostrils did you pop out of?!
[14:11] Gin
    We took responsibility for causing a
    scandal by shaving our heads down there.
[14:15] Gin
    We are the newest members...
[14:16] Shin
    Pachie!
[14:17] Gin
    Pako!
[14:19] Bi
    You call that taking responsibility?!
[14:21] Bi
    You've gotta be kidding me.
[14:22] Bi
    We're here for Terakado Tsu! We don't
    give two hoots about you morons!
[14:26] Kag
    Right back at ya. Otsu says she has
    no time to waste on knobhead bitches.
[14:33] Kag
    But we decided to drop by while
    chasing our boogers too far in.
[14:37] Kag
    You should be grateful to us.
[14:38] Bi
    Say what, you booger brat?
[14:40] Com
    Oh, my! Sparks are already
    flying on the stage!
[14:44] Com
    Booger Diamonds 48 and Galaxy
    Kingdom Bitches 48...
[14:48] Com
    Will their meet-and-greet with the fans
    turn into a World Martial Arts Tournament?
[14:53] Tae
    Fine by us.
[14:54] Tae
    We don't care if you're a special
    unit of galactic idols or whatever.
[14:58] Tae
    But if you want to settle things with
    force, then we'll gladly play along.
[15:02] Tae
    Just know that you won't stand
    a chance in hell of winning.
[15:06] Tae
    Not when you're against the strongest
    combat backing band in the galaxy,
[15:10] Tae
    Diamond Vacuum.
[15:13] Shin
    Sis!
[15:14] Gin
    So they made it.
[15:15] Com
    Whoa! Booger Diamonds 48 had
    a real ace up their sleeve!
[15:20] Com
    A group of hotties comparable to
    Otsu-chan has taken the stage!
[15:24] Kyu
    We're saying we'll battle you
    in your arena and on your terms.
[15:28] Kyu
    Get back, before we render
    your pretty faces useless.
[15:32] Sac
    How dare you frame our producer?
[15:35] Sac
    The one sleeping with Producer Sakata is me!
[15:38] Gin
    What are you even here for?
[15:40] Tsu
    I don't know how things ended up
    like this, but this too is fate.
[15:44] Tsu
    No matter in what arena, I refuse
    to lose any battles I take part in.
[15:49] Tsu
    I'll show you the fruits of my training.
[15:51] Gin
    What the hell did you guys train for?!
[15:53] Gin
    Don't just do whatever the hell you please!
[15:54] Bi
    I see.
[15:56] Bi
    Otsu ran from us, so you
    tried to make up for that
[15:59] Bi
    by hastily gathering trash
    that's nothing but looks?
[16:03] Bi
    Man, I've never felt this insulted before.
[16:09] Bi
    Fine. If that's how you want to
    play, we'll kill your careers
[16:15] Bi
    and crush you so thoroughly that Otsu will
    never think about taking the stage again.
[16:22] Bi
    Let's determine the greatest idols
    in the universe right here and now.
[16:28] Com
    Fight fair and square!
[16:31] Com
    The battle to determine the greatest
    idols alive is now underway.
[16:35] Com
    This battle between Galaxy Kingdom
    Bitches 48 and Booger Diamonds 48
[16:41] Com
    will be decided by how many fans flock
    to their respective meet-and-greets.
[16:41] All
    Pleased to meet you all!
[16:44] Com
    Whoa, as soon as the bell rings, a
    tidal wave of people comes rushing in.
[16:48] Com
    Incredible!
[16:49] Com
    Galaxy Kingdom Bitches 48!
[16:52] Com
    It's like they're gobbling up every fan in
    the arena! What overwhelming popularity!
[16:56] Com
    Meanwhile, Booger Diamonds 48's
    base is tumbleweed central!
[17:00] Com
    They may have a bunch of hotties,
    but they're still newly debuted nobodies.
[17:04] Com
    Was it too soon for them to take on
    the galaxy's greatest idol group?
[17:09] Bi
    Otsu or no Otsu, the outcome was
    decided before it even started.
[17:14] Bi
    Didn't you realize that?
[17:15] Bi
    In truth, this was never a battle to
    determine the greatest idols alive.
[17:20] Bi
    It's just a public execution.
[17:22] Gin
    That so? Either way, you shouldn't
    get distracted during a battle.
[17:27] Bi
    Don't you get it? This can't
    even be called a battle.
[17:31] Gin
    You're the one who doesn't get it.
[17:33] Gin
    An idol's enemy isn't just in front of her.
[17:38] Tae
    Yikes, what's with that line?
[17:41] Sac
    It's an idol meet-and-greet, apparently.
[17:43] Bo
    Ew, gross.
[17:45] Com
    That's...
[17:49] Com
    A rear ambush by the backing band!
[17:53] Tae
    So what if they can shake hands with idols?
    Does that really make them happy?
[17:57] Tae
    Why are they so desperate?
[17:59] Sac
    You're so silly, Otae.
[18:01] Sac
    Look at them. They've probably never
    held a girl's hand in their lives.
[18:04] Sac
    Oh, sorry. They've probably
    never talked to one, either.
[18:06] Com
    The backing band unit's barrage of insults
[18:09] Com
    is making the fans lose all desire
    to attend the meet-and-greet!
[18:12] G
    Rude! I have at least talked to girls!
[18:14] Tae
    I bet it just went like, "Would
    you like that heated?" and "Sure."
[18:18] G
    There was more! Like,
    "I don't need a plastic bag."
[18:21] Sac
    You don't call that talking to a girl.
[18:23] Bi
    That's cheating! Do you really
    think you can mess with our line?
[18:27] Gin
    Keep talking. Plotting evil from behind
    the idol is what a backing band does.
[18:32] Tae
    Don't they know that lining up
    here won't resolve a thing?
[18:37] Sac
    They're basically lining up to
    climb the 13 stairs to the gallows.
[18:42] Com
    Corpses everywhere!
[18:43] Com
    They're massacring the fans in Galaxy
    Kingdom Bitches 48's line one after another!
[18:48] Bi
    Such futile resistance.
[18:49] Bi
    Your sabotaging is only making the
    fans distance themselves from you.
[18:57] Bi
    What?
[18:57] Kyu
    You went too far, Tae-chan, Sarutobi.
[19:00] Bi
    They had a Plan B with more backing
    band members at the back?
[19:04] Tsu
    Sorry. Are you all right?
[19:07] Tsu
    Can you stand?
[19:08] Bi
    Don't tell me, the first two backing
    band members were just a setup?
[19:12] Tsu
    Forgive them.
[19:14] Tsu
    They mean no harm. They're just a little shy.
[19:17] Bi
    By mercilessly beating down the
    fans and then picking them up...
[19:20] Tsu
    They wanted to talk to you all, but it
    seems they didn't know where to begin.
[19:25] Tsu
    After all, it's the same for us.
[19:28] Kyu
    W-We've never held a meet-and-greet...
[19:31] Tsu
    ...before today.
[19:34] Tae
    Sorry.
[19:35] Sac
    In truth, we're the same as you.
[19:39] Tae
    If you don't mind...
[19:42] All
    ...could you take our first time?
[19:46] Bi
    They brought out the tsundere act?!
[19:48] C
    Hey, why did my heart just skip a beat?
[19:51] C
    The girls over there are pretty cute, too!
[19:53] C
    I think I'll head over there!
[19:54] C
    Me, too!
[19:55] C
    Me three!
[19:56] Com
    Whoa, Galaxy Kingdom Bitches
    48's line is falling apart!
[20:01] Gin
    You were right. Nobodies could never
    beat the greatest idols in the universe.
[20:07] Gin
    But it looks like this battle
[20:09] Gin
    is neither to determine the greatest
    idols alive nor a public execution.
[20:15] Gin
    I hear it's just a battle to
    determine the biggest sluts alive.
[20:18] Gin
    You're the ones who started playing dirty.
[20:22] Gin
    We'll make you regret it!
[20:27] Bi
    Wh-What're those?
[20:29] Gin
    Even if we can't win as idols,
[20:32] Gin
    Booger Diamonds 48 is invincible
    in a battle of the sluts.
[20:38] Com
    Those are... toilet stalls!
[20:40] Com
    Are they using toilet stalls, of all things,
    to compete with the bewitching curtains?
[20:46] Bi
    H-How vulgar.
[20:49] Bi
    A meet-and-greet in such a disgusting
    place would never make the fans happy.
[20:52] G
    Wh-What's with the toilets?
[20:54] G
    Don't tell me, we'll get to see them
    doing all sorts of dirty things?
[20:59] G
    No way, man.
[21:00] G
    But they're toilets.
[21:01] Com
    Oh, dear! The fans are beset by confusion!
[21:07] Kag
    Hey, Gin-chan! What's the meaning of this?
[21:10] Tae
    This is the first I'm hearing of a
    meet-and-greet in toilets, Shin-chan.
[21:12] Shin
    I-It's not what you think, Sis!
[21:14] Com
    The fans aren't the only ones confused!
[21:17] Gin
    You know... This is the first
    meet-and-greet for you guys, too.
[21:20] Gin
    You're probably feeling
    too shy to face the fans.
[21:23] Gin
    That's where these come in.
    Enter the stalls from beneath the toilets.
[21:28] Gin
    Just stick your hands out and wait.
[21:31] Gin
    That way, you can deal with any
    kind of embarrassment just fine.
[21:34] Gin
    All you have to do after
    that is shake everything.
[21:37] Gin
    You won't see a thing, but it's simple.
[21:39] Gin
    Just grab everything that's
    held out in front of you.
[21:41] Gin
    Consider your hand nothing but toilet paper.
[21:43] Tae
    What perverted acts are you
    trying to make us perform?!
[21:46] G
    You hear that?
[21:48] G
    I'm going over there!
[21:51] Com
    Wow! Even more people are leaving
    Galaxy Kingdom Bitches 48's line!
[21:56] Com
    Producer Sakata is stealing even more
    fans with a terrifying slut plan!
[22:01] Bi
    You shitheads!
[22:03] Gin
    This is where things get real.
[22:05] Gin
    Let's do this. Show them what
    real sluts are capable of!
[22:09] All
    Who're you calling sluts?!
[22:11] Gin
    Ger-bleaurgh!
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Preview
[23:44] Tsu
    Everyone... Thank you so,
    so much for everything.
[23:49] Tsu
    Next time: "An Idol's Badge of Honor."
SIGN    An Idol's Badge of Honor
SIGN    Shocked and hurt, Otsu holes up.
SIGN    Will she end up retiring like this?
SIGN    In this idol battle without honor and humanity,
SIGN    who will stand victorious in the end?

E339 - An Idol's Badge of Honor

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Slip Arc
SIGN    An Idol's Badge of Honor
SIGN    Oedo Dome
[01:43] Tsuk
    To hell with that. Even a normal
    meet-and-greet doesn't sit right with me.
SIGN    BDZ48's Request!! Watch this program in a bright room
    and at a safe distance from your TV ♥
[01:47] Tsuk
    If you're holding a toilet meet-and-greet,
    they might as well all work at Yoshiwara.
[01:51] Shin
    Is that really the issue here, Tsukuyo-san?
[01:52] Sac
    No need to tell me. I've always
    been the producer's cum dumpster.
[01:55] Shin
    You keep your mouth shut!
[01:56] Kyu
    Idol or not, as a samurai, I could
    never grab something so filthy.
[02:00] Kyu
    The only things a samurai should grab
    are swords, dirt on powerful people,
[02:03] Kyu
    control of the Yagyu Family and
    the right to its inheritance,
[02:06] Kyu
    stocks, and rice balls.
[02:07] Shin
    Don't make rice balls with a hand that
    touched all that filth, you celeb samurai!
[02:10] Tae
    Besides, shaking hands from a
    toilet would be rude to the fans.
[02:14] Tae
    We want to treat our fans better.
[02:17] Tae
    On that note,
[02:19] Tae
    let's have the fans enter the toilet instead.
[02:21] Shin
    Treat your fans better!
[02:23] Tae
    Also, keeping hygiene in mind,
[02:25] Tae
    they can hold Clift's fate in their hands.
SIGN    A Mad Hand Appeared
[02:29] Shin
    Don't treat fans like the Mad Hands in DQ!
[02:31] Shin
    And don't pull on Clift's leg! Quit pulling
    our leg by being so useless, Clift!
[02:33] Tae
    And despite everything that happened,
[02:36] Tae
    let's flush it all away and
    call it water under the bridge.
[02:37] Shin
    They won't get flushed!
[02:38] Shin
    Not even the large option will flush your
    evil deeds and Clift's feelings away!
[02:41] Tae
    It's the same principle
    as the Gintama movies.
[02:44] Tae
    The moment we get the fans
    inside, we've already won.
[02:46] Tae
    After that, the money will flow in even
    if the movie's a steady stream of shit.
[02:50] Shin
    Enough with the outrageous statements!
[02:52] Shin
    Don't put us in the same boat
    as your rip-off cabaret club!
[02:55] G
    H-Hey, what happened in there?
[02:57] G
    Uh, I think...
[02:58] G
    I touched something soft
    that starts with "cli."
[03:02] G
    "Cli"? Something soft?!
[03:03] G
    And then water came bursting out...
[03:06] G
    Holy water came bursting out?!
[03:08] G
    I-I'm lining up for Otae-chan!
[03:11] G
    She seems prim and proper, but is
    actually really bold! She's the best!
[03:14] Shin
    By some miracle, it caused a
    misunderstanding and formed a line!
[03:17] Tae
    There, there.
[03:18] Tae
    Don't rush, guys. Enter
    the toilet in turn, okay?
[03:21] Kag
    Well, since a line's formed,
    let's just go with it.
[03:24] Sac
    Pfft! Don't make me laugh!
[03:26] Sac
    What part of that woman is soft?
[03:30] Sac
    As you can see, she's a legendary Bigfoot
    whose entire body is the Rockies!
[03:36] Tae
    Sacchan...
[03:37] Tae
    Could you not get all jealous because
    nobody's coming to your toilet?
[03:41] Tae
    Be a good little monkey and ride
    on someone else's back, would you?
[03:44] Sac
    Otae...
[03:46] Sac
    A monkey on the back is an idiom that means
    having a problem, not a literal monkey.
[03:51] Sac
    Has your brain turned into a rock, too?
[03:53] Kag
    Hey! Boss lady, Sacchan!
[03:55] Tae
    And I'm saying you can ride
    these filthy men bareback.
[03:59] Sac
    Did you hear that, guys?
    This is what Otae's really like!
[04:02] Shin
    Who the hell are you two fighting?!
[04:04] Sac
    What are you saying?
[04:05] Sac
    Before being a battle to decide the top idol,
[04:08] Sac
    this is a vote-off between
    Diamond Vacuum members!
[04:10] Shin
    Who the hell cares about that?!
[04:11] Sac
    I won't let anyone else be center.
[04:13] Sac
    You guys are better off lining up
    for me instead of this Jezebel.
[04:17] Sac
    Hey, don't you want to meet-and-greet me?
[04:20] Sac
    I've got two much softer
    things than she does.
[04:22] Sac
    Look right here.
[04:26] G
    On second thought, I'm going for Sacchan!
[04:27] G
    She may wear glasses, but she's got
    a bombshell body! She's the best!
[04:31] Tae
    Why, you little bitch!
[04:35] Sac
    I'm gonna be the center!
[04:36] Sac
    You can spew all the holy water
    you want in the wagon, Clift!
[04:42] Sac
    No... You need to hold me more gently.
[04:44] Shin
    Hey! What the hell are you guys doing?!
[04:46] Sac
    If you shake that hard,
    you'll crush my two
[04:50] Sac
    soft balls!
[04:53] Tae
    They're just Brey's golden orbs!
[04:55] Shin
    What the hell are you doing?!
[04:57] Shin
    This has turned into a meet-and-greet
    for DQ48's wagon members!
[05:00] Shin
    Where'd you even find them?!
[05:02] Tae
    Clift and Brey needed to get rid of
    their worries before the final battle!
[05:06] Shin
    You two are Booger Diamonds
    48's Clift and Brey!
[05:11] Gin
    Exactly.
[05:12] Gin
    Good job, Clift, Brey.
[05:16] Gin
    Consider DQ48's Alena and McRyan.
[05:18] Gin
    Do you know why most people pick
    Alena out of these two fighters?
[05:23] Gin
    That's because unlike McRyan, who is all
    alone, Alena has Clift and Brey with her.
[05:28] Shin
    No way!
[05:29] Gin
    Yes way. They're just
    like an idol group, too.
[05:32] Gin
    The center Alena's star shines brighter
[05:35] Gin
    amidst the darkness that is Clift and Brey.
[05:38] Gin
    Which means...
[05:39] G
    On second thought, Kyubei-chan's the best!
[05:41] G
    Unlike those two sluts, she's a pure tomboy!
[05:44] G
    Plus, she's got eyepatch and twin tails moe!
[05:46] G
    Orthodox really is best!
[05:50] Gin
    Go, Alena!
[05:52] Gin
    Walk over the corpses of Clift and Brey!
[06:00] Gin
    I forgot Alena could spam critical hits.
[06:05] Kyu
    Don't touch me!
[06:07] Kag
    Turns out Alena has the
    biggest, Psaro-tier darkness.
[06:10] Shin
    You've gotta be kidding me!
    What did she even come here for?!
[06:14] Kyu
    G-Give me some time.
[06:16] Kyu
    I'm slowly getting used to it.
[06:17] Kyu
    I think I'll be able to overcome it
    once I throw another 1,500 of them.
[06:20] Shin
    The fans won't recover from that!
[06:22] Tae
    Then why don't you throw Clift 1,500 times?
[06:25] Sac
    And Brey, too.
[06:26] Shin
    Don't listen to those dark voices!
[06:28] Shin
    Spare Clift and Brey already!
[06:30] Tsuk
    Stop it, Kyubei.
[06:32] Tsuk
    Don't push yourself.
[06:33] Kyu
    Tsukuyo-dono?
[06:34] Tsuk
    If you can't hold hands with men,
    then I can just hold your share as well.
[06:40] Kyu
    But I can't place such a burden on you.
[06:43] Tsuk
    Don't worry. I cast aside my femininity,
    but ah'm still a woman of Yoshiwara.
[06:48] Tsuk
    Ah'm prepared to bear the sins of man.
[06:51] Kyu
    Ah'm moe!
[06:53] Gin
    Why are you freaking out over her?!
[06:54] Shin
    We still had our ultimate weapon, the
    female hero who backs up Alena's party!
[06:59] G
    She looks like a cool, aloof beauty,
    but she's kind enough to look out for others!
[07:03] G
    Tsukuyo-chan is the best!
[07:05] Shin
    This is our chance!
[07:06] Tae
    My, aren't we popular, Tsukuyo-san.
[07:09] Shin
    You two get back in the wagon right now!
[07:11] Sac
    After that popularity poll, you want to
    win the Diamond Vacuum vote-off, too?
SIGN    Popularity Poll Arc (Episodes 182 - 184) November 2009
[07:15] Sac
    Of course a Yoshiwara woman would
    know all about the casting couch.
[07:18] Shin
    You still haven't gotten over
    what happened eight years ago?!
[07:21] Sac
    But the center always has
    the spotlight on her.
[07:26] Sac
    So as fellow members, we really need
    you to be more careful about things.
SIGN    Female Hero Sends Clift to the Wagon!!
SIGN    The Two Disappear Into the Wagon\Where Brey Awaits...
[07:30] Shin
    What kinda scandal is that?!
[07:31] Shin
    And why are you guys fabricating
    stories to bring down your bandmate?!
[07:35] Sac
    How will you take responsibility for this?
[07:37] Tae
    Sending you to the Hakata wagon won't
    be enough. You'll be sent to Indonesia!
[07:41] Shin
    Your shitty organization
    doesn't exist in Indonesia!
[07:45] Tsuk
    I don't recall any of that,
[07:46] Tsuk
    but I guess it's okay if it'll
    get me out of this stupid mess.
[07:50] Shin
    It had zero effect on her!
[07:51] Sac
    That laid-back attitude of
    yours is really annoying!
[07:54] Sac
    Want me to cast Thwack on you?!
[07:55] Sac
    Be honest! You want to be center too, right?
[07:57] Tsuk
    Look, if you wanna play center
    field or whatever base in baseball,
[08:01] Tsuk
    first get nine people to play with!
[08:03] Sac
    Don't play dumb with me!
[08:04] Shin
    Knock it off! Your ugly infighting
    is weirding out the fans!
[08:07] Tae
    Oh, wait!
[08:08] Sac
    We were kidding! That was
    just a comedy opening act!
[08:11] Sac
    Come back!
[08:16] Com
    Uh, excuse me. Can I just, like,
[08:19] Com
    take a dump?
[08:26] Com
    Whoa! It's totally sticking out!
[08:28] Shin
    We don't need play-by-play for that!
[08:30] Com
    My poop is as loose and sloppy as
    Booger Diamonds 48's morals!
[08:33] Com
    Their behavior sticks out
    so much in the idol sphere,
[08:36] Com
    both the fans and my poop
    scattered all over the place!
[08:38] Shin
    Quit telling us about how your dump is going!
[08:40] Com
    Meanwhile, Galaxy Kingdom Bitches
    48 are nearly in four digits!
[08:46] Com
    There's no telling what's going on
    behind those bewitching curtains,
[08:50] Com
    but the fans are being rendered
    spineless one after another!
[08:53] Bit
    It's all over, Booger Diamonds 48.
[08:58] Gin
    Guess we'll have to do something about
    their mystery meet-and-greet after all.
[09:02] Shin
    Not yet.
[09:04] Shin
    Booger Diamonds 48 isn't finished yet.
[09:09] Shin
    Terakado Tsu isn't finished yet!
[09:12] Shin
    Not as long as the captain
    of the Terakado Tsu Fanclub,
[09:15] Shin
    Shimura Shinpachi, is still here.
[09:17] Shin
    I'll stop them.
[09:20] Shin
    So Kagura-chan, Otsu-chan,
    the rest is in your hands.
[09:27] Bit
    Captain of the Terakado Tsu
    Fanclub, Shimura Shinpachi.
[09:31] Bit
    Do you really want a taste
    of our meet-and-greet?
[09:35] Bit
    Did you forget what happened to
    your friends when they tried us?
[09:41] Shin
    Otsu-chan...
[09:43] Shin
    As long as you keep singing,
[09:45] Shin
    your fans won't go anywhere.
[09:48] Shin
    Even back when you didn't have any fans,
[09:50] Shin
    you still had fun singing on the roadsise.
[09:55] Shin
    Someone who was given strength
    by watching you is still here.
[10:01] Shin
    Just as your voice has cheered
    us on when we were sad and hurt,
[10:07] Shin
    there's a fan still here who will cheer
    you on when you are sad and hurt.
[10:13] Shin
    If you've lost everything, you can
    just start over from that spot.
[10:18] Shin
    If you'll sing, I'll gladly come
    see you there again and again...
[10:22] Shin
    At that concert hall for just the two of us.
[10:26] Shin
    No matter what happens,
[10:28] Shin
    I will be Terakado Tsu's first and last fan.
[10:31] Bit
    How amusing.
[10:33] Bit
    By getting through our meet-and-greet,
[10:36] Bit
    you want to stir up the undecided
    fans and that cowardly girl?
[10:40] Bit
    Well, let's see you try.
[10:42] Bit
    Just like you wanted, we'll make
    you Terakado Tsu's last ever fan
[10:46] Bit
    by enslaving your heart!
[10:48] Shin
    Right back at you.
[10:50] Shin
    I'm Shimura Shinpachi, captain
    of the Terakado Tsu Fanclub.
[10:53] Shin
    Here I come!
[10:54] Gin
    Sh-Shinpachi!
[10:59] Gin
    That was quick!
[11:00] Gin
    What's wrong with you? After all that
    big talk, you got destroyed in a flash!
[11:03] Gin
    You got stripped to your underwear
    at an incredible speed!
[11:07] Bit
    Even her oldest fan and white knight
    is just a rotten virgin nerd.
[11:11] Bit
    Our meet-and-greet can entrance anyone in
    one shot, no matter whose fan they are.
[11:15] Bit
    Now, Terakado Tsu has
    not a single fan left...
[11:17] Shin
    Once I get home, I'm gonna
    throw away all my porn mags.
[11:22] Shin
    But as for Otsu-chan's CDs,
[11:25] Shin
    I won't throw a single one away.
[11:28] Bit
    My antenna? Did he...
[11:32] Com
    Wow, Shimaru has made a successful return!
[11:37] Com
    And what's going on here?
[11:39] Com
    Miss Bitchie is suddenly writhing in pain!
[11:42] Shin
    I thought it was strange how one handshake
[11:46] Shin
    could turn anyone into a Galaxy
    Kingdom Bitches 48 fanatic.
[11:49] Shin
    Selling dreams is your job?
[11:51] Shin
    That's not it.
[11:56] Shin
    What you were showing them was just an
    illusion, Galaxy Kingdom Bitches 48!
[12:02] Bit
    C-Curse you!
[12:04] Com
    Having lost her antenna, Miss Bitchie
    has turned into a different person!
[12:08] Com
    Th-That's not all! From behind
    the bewitching curtains,
[12:11] Com
    unfamiliar uggo idols are
    tumbling out one after another!
[12:14] Taka
    Shin-chan's right.
[12:17] Taka
    Fans of any other idol would've been fine,
[12:20] Taka
    but you ran out of luck when
    you picked a fight with us.
[12:23] Taka
    Your brainwashing won't work on us.
[12:26] Taka
    Because...
[12:27] Taka
    We're the universe's greatest fans
    of the universe's greatest idol!
[12:30] Taka
    Because we're the Terakado
    Tsu Fanclub, dynamite!
[12:34] Shin
    Taka-chin! Guys!
[12:36] Com
    C-Can you believe it? The Terakado
    Tsu Fanclub is back in action!
[12:41] Com
    With their sheer love for Otsu-chan, they
    exposed the brainwashing shenanigans!
[12:47] G
    No way!
[12:48] G
    Our number one idols in the universe!
[12:50] G
    The shocking truth is making the
    Galaxy Kingdom Bitches fans waver!
[12:54] G
    Wait, the count went down to zero!
[12:57] G
    It has been deemed invalid
    due to brainwashing!
[13:00] G
    Booger Diamonds 48 have pulled off
    an miraculous last-ditch comeback!
[13:04] G
    Let it be heard across the universe, men.
[13:07] G
    Who the universe's greatest idol with
    the universe's greatest fans is.
[13:14] G
    Booger Diamonds 48 Fanclub, let's go!
[13:18] G
    L-O-V-E Otsu!
[13:21] All
    L-O-V-E Otsu!
[13:24] Shin
    L-O-V-E Kagura!
[13:27] All
    L-O-V-E Kagura!
[13:28] G
    Let's go cheer them on, too.
[13:30] Com
    The fanclub's Booger Diamonds 48
    chant echoes across the arena.
[13:35] Com
    Their overwhelming passion
[13:37] Com
    is infecting the now recovered
    Galaxy Kingdom Bitches fans!
[13:43] Com
    Wh-What's this noise?!
[13:49] Bit
    How dare you expose an idol's hidden
    face, that which mustn't be seen!
[13:54] Bit
    Mysterious sound waves are being emitted
    by all of Galaxy Kingdom Bitches 48.
[14:00] Bit
    If you found out, all we have to
    do is brainwash you all once again.
[14:05] Bit
    Keep dancing within the fantasies that
    are idols for the rest of your lives...
[14:10] Bit
    That's...
[14:14] Kag
    Looks like this is the kind
    of handshake you need.
[14:19] Com
    Booger Diamonds 48's Kagura
    stops Miss Bitchie!
[14:24] Com
    In these final stages, she's turning
    it into an actual fight of hands!
[14:27] Com
    What are you morons doing?
    Hurry up and brainwash...
[14:32] GKB
    What's this awful noise?
[14:34] Tae
    The time has come to show you
    the fruits of our training.
[14:38] Com
    Th-That's...
[14:39] Tae
    Kagura-chan, leave the backing to us!
[14:42] Sac
    Go grab idol stardom with your hands!
[14:44] Com
    It's the backing band!
[14:46] Com
    Diamond Vacuum's overwriting the mystery
    sound waves with terrifying dissonance!
[14:52] Com
    Suffering fans,
[14:52] Com
    screaming fanclub,
[14:54] Com
    and groaning backing band.
[14:55] Com
    All of their fates now rest
    in the hands of those two!
[14:59] Com
    Is this really a meet-and-greet?
[15:02] Com
    No, this is a battle with their idol careers
    on the line! A real meet-and-beat!
[15:07] Bit
    Do you really think you
    have the right to stop us?
[15:11] Bit
    Showing illusions and brainwashing
    is something all idols do.
[15:15] Bit
    Beneath the surface, idols
    are filthy people, too.
[15:18] Bit
    They hide that filth with cosmetic
    surgery and show off their fake beauty.
[15:23] Bit
    They hide that filth by putting on an
    act and showing off their fake purity.
[15:28] Bit
    The dreams you people are having are
    nothing but illusions wrapped in lies!
[15:33] Bit
    All we did was perfect those illusions
    and make them more beautiful!
[15:38] Bit
    And we did it to show you the
    dreams that you wanted to see!
[15:42] Gin
    You can't call those dreams.
[15:47] Gin
    It's just giving up.
[15:49] Gin
    Sure, idols dig their nostrils,
    take dumps, and have , too.
[15:55] Gin*
    They cause scandals at times and
    get down in the dumps at others.
[15:59] Gin
    But to make their pathetic selves
    stand proud in the spotlight,
[16:04] Gin
    they discipline themselves, strive to
    improve, and struggle to stand on stage.
[16:09] Gin
    You laugh that off as a mere illusion?
[16:12] Gin
    Well, you're wrong.
[16:15] Gin
    That's not an illusion. It's an ideal.
[16:19] Gin
    The dream to crawl toward one's ideal.
[16:23] Gin
    That's what idols are all about.
[16:25] Gin
    Just like samurai,
[16:28] Gin
    they're seekers of the ultimate dream.
[16:32] Tsu
    Sorry to keep you waiting, menthol.
[16:36] Gin
    And what those morons are having
[16:39] Gin
    is a real dream they're
    pursuing with their idols.
[16:42] Bit
    I-It can't be. Why is she here?
[16:45] Kag
    Idols really are best in a group.
[16:49] Kag
    Our diamond is shining
    especially bright right now,
[16:52] Kag
    thanks to us massive boogers.
[16:56] Bit
    Did they believe that she would come here?
[17:00] Bit
    Were we—no, was this entire
    event and its ugly battles—
[17:06] Bit
    just a massive booger to make the
    diamond called Otsu shine brighter?!
[17:11] Bit
    You were using us all along?!
[17:13] Tsu
    Kagura-chan! Guys!
[17:16] Kag
    Otsu.
[17:17] Kag
    It wasn't for long, but I had
    fun being an idol with you.
[17:22] Kag
    Let them hear it... Our
    Booger Diamonds 48's song.
[17:27] Kag
    The song of real idols, which can blow
    away all illusions and brainwashing!
[17:31] Bit
    Y-You little!
[17:34] Kag
    Guys! Don't let some illusion control you!
[17:38] Kag
    Take back your dreams!
[17:41] Kag
    Listen to our song!
[17:43] Kag
    And...
[17:44] Kag
    Even if you hate Booger Diamonds 48,
[17:48] Kag
    please don't come to hate Terakado Tsu!
[18:01] Tsu
    Please lend me your ears.
[18:02] Tsu
    Fellow members who have walked with me,
[18:05] Tsu
    fans who have cheered me on,
[18:07] Tsu
    and rivals who have competed with me.
[18:11] Tsu
    All of you have been my pillar of support.
[18:15] Tsu
    You are all part of Booger Diamonds 48,
    and I dedicate this song to you.
[18:19] Tsu
    This is An Idol's Badge of Honor.
[18:21] [SONG] Song
    La la la, idol
[18:27] [SONG] Song
    La la la, idol
[18:33] [SONG] Song
    Accel, consul, it's dreams that we sell
[18:39] [SONG] Song
    Idol, idol, idling
[18:42] [SONG] Song
    Even on the edge, we've got the handling
[18:53] [SONG] Song
    That scandal back then
[18:59] [SONG] Song
    Was a summer sentence
[19:05] [SONG] Song
    I know it's do or die, yes
[19:10] [SONG] Song
    I could end up doing pillow business
[19:16] [SONG] Song
    Even that day of the month is safe and secure
[19:22] [SONG] Song
    Scarlet, blood ruby, an idol's badge of honor
[19:31] [SONG] Song
    La la la, idol
[19:37] [SONG] Song
    La la la, idol
[19:42] [SONG] Song
    Foot soldier, loot and plunder, pillow seller
[19:48] [SONG] Song
    Idol, idol, idling
[19:51] [SONG] Song
    We can't swerve around aging
SIGN    Oedo Dome
[20:04] Bit
    How ironic it is
[20:05] Bit
    that the stage on which an idol
    stands to give people dreams
[20:09] Bit
    is built on the wrecks of
    countless other dreams.
[20:13] Bit
    But that's why she shines brightly,
    like a lone star in the dark.
[20:19] Bit
    She will walk over our dreams
    and those of her friends
[20:23] Bit
    and continue down this path
    of chaos we call idol stardom.
[20:28] Bit
    I don't know if you'll be able to
    make up for what you've sacrificed.
[20:32] Bit
    You just let go of a talent
    that could surpass Otsu.
[20:37] Bit
    She has the ruthlessness
    to take down her enemies,
[20:40] Bit
    and the selflessness to cast
    herself aside to help her friends.
[20:44] Bit
    A diamond covered in boogers,
    with two totally contrasting faces.
[20:47] Shin
    Gin-san, Kagura-chan!
[20:49] Shin
    Wait a second. Aren't you gonna watch?
[20:49] OMom
    Yeah. I asked her if she
    would like to keep at it,
[20:53] Gin
    Damn it, I couldn't make any money again.
[20:54] OMom
    but she refused, saying she was
    already part of an idol group.
[20:58] OMom
    It's too bad, but she's fine that way.
[21:02] OMom
    I mean, she shines brightest
    in that group of three.
[21:10] Song
    Beyond all the cigarettes,
    alcohol, and shaved heads,
[21:16] Song
    the one who filled me
    with passion again was...
[21:18] [SONG] Song
    It was you, you, you
[21:28] Tsu
    Thenk you.
[22:58] [SONG] TV
    Knock it off already
[23:03] G
    Otsu-chan really is cute.
[23:06] G
    But there's something off about her lately.
[23:09] G
    Look at what she started doing,
    even though she's an idol.
[23:13] G
    Apparently, she was influenced by
    an idol group she really loves.
[23:18] G
    A group that disbanded right
    after making its debut.
[23:22] G
    What was it called, again?
[23:23] Kag
    Booger Diamonds 48.
[23:26] G
    That's it! The phantom idol
    group, Booger Diamonds 48!
[23:33] Kag
    It's no phantom.
[23:35] Kag
    It remains in my heart
[23:39] Kag
    as the idol group of dreams!
SIGN    Preview
[23:45] Tama
    Just to let you know in advance,
[23:47] Tama
    this isn't a sales promotion
    for our upcoming game.
SIGN    The Line Between Godlike Games and Shitty Games Is Paper-Thin
[23:50] Tama
    We're just messing around.
SIGN    There you have it,
SIGN    so keep that in mind, all of you.
SIGN    Next time, we're again going with wave, wind,
SIGN    and standing all the way!

E340 - The Line Between Godlike Games and Shitty Games Is Paper-Thin / Glasses Are a Part of the Soul

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Slip Arc
[01:34] Gin
    Gintama Rumble?
[01:36] Gin
    What the heck is this?
SIGN    Enjoy Gintama Rumble in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV!!
[01:38] Shin
    What do you mean? It's an upcoming game.
[01:41] Shin
    Following the success of
    the Gintama board game,
[01:44] Shin
    Bandai Namco went all-out to
    make another game adaptation.
[01:47] Kag
    And it's an actual action game this time,
    as you can tell from the "Rumble."
[01:51] Kag
    It's got tons more money invested
    in it than the board game.
[01:53] Gin
    What's the point of making an action game
    when we don't have any special moves?
[01:58] Gin
    Talk about living in denial.
[02:00] Gin
    At least it was kinda cute when they
    made the board game in desperation.
[02:03] Shin
    Hey, quit complaining.
[02:04] Gin
    What's even going on with the rights?
    Don't you think this is weird, Bamco?
SIGN    Sugar Content
[02:08] Shin
    Our protagonist discussing our
    game is weirder, if you ask me.
[02:12] Gin
    True, we never really talked about it before.
[02:14] Gin
    Regardless of who made games about
    us or how badly they bombed,
[02:19] Gin
    we pretended not to notice.
[02:21] Shin
    Stop being rude, or we'll
    never get another game!
[02:24] Gin
    Besides, the licensed-game genre has
    always been a hotbed of shitty games.
[02:27] Shin
    They're not shitty! They're
    made with love and affection!
[02:30] Gin
    But if we don't produce a hit soon, sponsors
    might give up on the whole franchise.
[02:37] Gin
    That could lead to a reduction of
    cross-media promotions and merch
[02:40] Gin
    and ultimately affect even the anime.
[02:42] Shin
    Uh, the anime isn't really one to talk.
[02:45] Gin
    Talk about reckless, making an action game
    while we weren't paying attention.
[02:49] Gin
    It'll be in the bargain bin
    within a few months, no doubt.
[02:52] Shin
    Don't jinx it before the release!
    It's gonna sell like hotcakes!
[02:55] Gin
    I dunno about other Jump protags,
[02:57] Gin
    but as an adult protag, I'm gonna
    point out problems when I see them.
[03:01] Shin
    You're the biggest problem here!
[03:02] Shin
    I've never heard of a protag
    meddling in his franchise's merch!
[03:06] Gin
    I'm saying I can't just sit back
    and let Bamco handle it all.
[03:10] Gin
    In this day and age, any protag worth
    his salt has to oversee all the merch.
[03:15] Gin
    On that note...
SIGN    The Line Between Godlike Games
    and Shitty Games Is Paper-Thin
SIGN    Bandai Namco
SIGN    Lab A
[03:25] Tama
    Main system successfully infiltrated.
SIGN    Authenticating
SIGN    Unlocked
[03:31] Tama
    Hacking complete.
[03:33] Gin
    Great. Let's fix up Gintama
    Rumble by ourselves.
[03:37] Shin
    Hey! What do you think you're
    doing right before the release?!
[03:39] Gin
    We're gonna do all we can to make a game
    that has a chance of selling a million.
[03:43] Shin
    Yeah, right!
[03:44] Shin
    Do you really think we're gonna get away
    with sneaking in here and doing whatever?
[03:47] Shin
    They've almost finished
    making a really fun game!
SIGN    Gintama Rumble
[03:50] Shin
    People with no game dev experience
    should keep their noses out of this!
[03:52] Gin
    Don't be naïve.
[03:55] Gin
    Sure, it might be a fun game.
[03:57] Gin
    But I wanna ask Bamco this:
[03:59] Gin
    "Do you guys really want to score a hit?"
SIGN    Gintama Rumble
[04:02] Gin
    If they were serious about it,
SIGN    Gintama Rumble
[04:06] Gin
    this is what would happen, obviously.
[04:07] Shin
    Like hell!
[04:08] Shin
    Don't try to claw your way
    into a super-hit series!
[04:10] Gin
    There's a ton of them already,
    so nobody'll notice if we slip ourselves in.
[04:13] Gin
    Can't go wrong Tales-of-ing
    basically anything in life.
[04:16] Shin
    What the hell is "Tales-of-ing"?
    What kinda verb is that?
[04:19] Gin
    Ignoring our crude original work is fine.
[04:23] Gin
    We're totally up for
    Tales-of-ing off of them.
[04:26] Shin
    More like Tales of hitching
    a ride on their backs!
[04:29] Shin
    Talk about riding on
    someone else's coattails!
[04:31] Tama
    Roger.
[04:33] Tama
    You want to be carried one way or another.
[04:35] Shin
    Hey, Tama-san!
[04:36] Tama
    So switching to a fantasy RPG, basically?
[04:41] Shin
    Wait a sec! What about the "Rumble" part?
SIGN    Gintama Rumble
[04:44] Shin
    That's the USP of this game, you know!
[04:46] Kag
    That won't be hard to work around. We can
    just name the protag Rumble or something.
[04:50] Shin
    Who? This will be a Gintama game, right?
[04:52] Gin
    Great idea. I really hate game
    protags who talk too much.
[04:58] Gin
    In order to provide the best immersion,
[05:00] Gin
    he should say nothing but
    "yes" and "no," like in DQ.
[05:04] Gin
    So Gin-san doesn't have
    to be the protag here.
[05:07] Gin
    The protag has no personality,
    only speaks when required,
SIGN    Tales of Rumble
[05:10] Gin
    and his name is Tales of Rumble.
[05:11] Shin
    But Rumble's dripping with personality!
[05:13] Shin
    Even if he doesn't say a word,
    his back tells the whole story!
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
SIGN    Snack Otose
[05:17] Gin
    Rumble comes to Edo, joins Odd Jobs,
[05:20] Gin
    and rescues the kidnapped
    princess with us, is the story.
[05:23] Shin
    Who would self-insert
    into this rugged old man?
[05:26] Shin
    He's clearly the guy who
    normally kidnaps the princess!
SIGN    Hello, Rumble. Welcome to Odd Jobs.
[05:32] Gin
    Hello, Rumble. Welcome to Odd Jobs.
SIGN    Before you join, I'd like to know your affinity. Is that okay?
[05:36] Gin
    Before you join, I'd like to know
    your affinity. Is that okay?
SIGN    I'm S I'm M
[05:43] Shin
    What happened to "yes" and "no"?!
[05:45] Shin
    How many things could you
    respond to with that?!
[05:47] Gin
    All an RPG protag needs to
    say is whether he's S or M.
[05:52] Gin
    That'd let him choose his
    size at the armor shop, too.
SIGN    Which size armor would you like?
SIGN    I'm M
[05:56] Gin
    Rumble's L-sized, though.
[05:58] Shin
    What's the point, then? The leather
    armor would be too tight on him!
[06:01] Gin
    Also, you recover HP at Starbecks, not
    inns, giving the game a modern, hip feel.
[06:07] Gin
    The options should come in handy there, too.
SIGN    Would you like that in short, tall, or grande?
[06:12] Shin
    He can't order anything!
[06:13] Shin
    The grande and stuff is too trendy
    for him! He's freaking out!
[06:16] Gin
    Don't worry. HP might be difficult,
[06:19] Gin
    but buying rope and candles from the
    item shop will let you recover MP.
SIGN    I'm M
[06:23] Shin
    That's Masochist Points!
[06:25] Shin
    Why is "M" the only choice
    you can make in this game?!
[06:27] Shin
    Hey! Who the hell would want
    to control such a gross protag?
[06:31] Gin
    Relax. It only looks so graphic
    because this is a cinematic scene.
[06:38] Gin
    Most of the time, he'll be super-deformed.
[06:40] Shin
    The protag is practically a corpse?
[06:42] Gin
    Games these days are too reliant on FMVs.
[06:46] Gin
    Graphics only need to be
    detailed in climactic scenes.
[06:48] Gin
    The rest of the time, they should be
    left up to the player's imagination.
SIGN    Shinpachi: "Big trouble, Gin-san!"
[06:53] Shin
    What do you think you're
    leaving to imagination?!
[06:55] Shin
    What happened to the body? Are you saying
    that's a waste of resources, too?!
SIGN    Someone kidnapped the princess.
[06:59] Shin
    Hey! Why're the glasses
    dragging a coffin around?!
[07:01] Shin
    Does it mean what I think it means?!
[07:03] Kag
    With that, we've got a full party.
[07:05] Gin
    Yeah. The four of them will
    now begin their adventure.
SIGN    Gintoki Kagura Rumble Shinpachi
[07:10] Shin
    They've practically been wiped out from
    the start! Hurry up and visit the church!
SIGN    A monster appeared.
[07:15] Kag
    Look, an enemy.
SIGN    Rotten Shades (38) ATK DEF WORK
[07:17] Shin
    Why is everyone, ally or enemy, a corpse?!
[07:20] Shin
    Why is Hasegawa-san a monster?!
[07:22] Gin
    That's not Hasegawa-san.
    It's Rotten Shades (38).
[07:25] Shin
    So Hasegawa-san, then!
SIGN    Rotten Shades calls for backup...
SIGN    Rotten Shades calls for backup... but no help arrives.
SIGN    Rotten Shades calls for backup...
SIGN    Rotten Shades calls for backup... but no help arrives.
SIGN    Rotten Shades calls for backup...
SIGN    Rotten Shades calls for backup... but no help arrives, obviously.
[07:42] Shin
    Somebody help him!
SIGN    Rotten Shades is defeated.
[07:47] Shin
    What did he even show up for?
    All he's done is embarrass himself!
SIGN    Rotten Shades gets up and looks at you like he wants work. Will you give him a job?
[07:53] Shin
    "He wants work"?
    What's that supposed to mean?
[07:55] Shin
    Wait, is he gonna join the party?
    You can save the Rotten Shades?
SIGN    I'm S
[08:00] Shin
    Somebody save him!
[08:02] Shin
    I don't see a choice to
    save Rotten Shades (38)!
[08:06] Gin
    Games have gotten too indifferent
    to killing and looting, right?
[08:10] Gin
    You kill monsters for XP and open
    chests in strangers' homes for items.
[08:16] Gin
    By giving the players a
    choice in this scenario,
[08:19] Gin
    we want them to learn how much
    people sin in everyday life.
[08:22] Shin
    Can we really make kids play a game
    where they finish off a half-dead guy?
[08:26] Gin
    Our lives are being supported
    by countless deaths.
[08:29] Gin
    We wanna teach kids that through this game.
[08:32] Gin
    So the more Rotten Shades you kill,
    the more coffins you'll be dragging around.
[08:36] Shin
    We don't need any more corpses!
[08:39] Shin
    This is so depressing, it'll only
    make people lose motivation to play!
SIGN    Gintoki Kagura Rumble Shinpachi
[08:43] Kag
    We lost HP.
[08:45] Kag
    What caused it?
SIGN    Gintoki Job: NEET
[08:48] Gin
    Looks like I got infected by NEET in
    the fight against the Rotten Shades.
[08:52] Sign
    Why is NEET a poison-like status effect?
[08:55] Gin
    It reduces the motivation stat to zero,
    preventing the use of items or heals.
SIGN    ATK
    DEF
    MOT
    WALK
[09:00] Gin
    You also lose the energy to walk,
    so HP is gradually lost.
[09:04] Gin
    And eventually...
SIGN    The party is wiped out.
[09:09] Shin
    NEET is way too scary!
[09:11] Gin
    Of course it is. Being a NEET is terrifying.
[09:15] Gin
    You know how a lot of people are goofing
    off after finishing their education lately?
[09:19] Gin
    We want to show them how
    important it is to work.
[09:22] Shin
    But you're not. All you're showing
    them is an absurd fear of NEETdom!
SIGN    Enquiries
[09:26] Gin
    Don't worry. Those who are up for
    the fight will get another chance.
SIGN    This is Hello Work. We can refer you to a workplace.
[09:33] Shin
    What? You come back to life
    at Hello Work, not a church?
[09:36] Gin
    So long as you never give up,
    you can start anew over and over.
SIGN    Choose your new job.
SIGN    S, please M, please
[09:42] Shin
    Excuse me! In the end, S and M
    are the only jobs I can take!
SIGN    Choose quickly.
SIGN    Choose quickly. Could you hurry up?
[09:51] Gin
    Huh? The staff are acting weird.
SIGN    It doesn't matter which.
SIGN    It doesn't matter which. Come on...
SIGN    It doesn't matter which. Come on... Man... This is a pain.
SIGN    Hello Work is wiped out.
[10:02] Shin
    NEET is way too scary!
[10:04] Shin
    Why has it infected the
    Hello Work staff, too?!
[10:08] Gin
    Sometimes, even Hello Work
    people don't wanna work.
[10:11] Gin
    I wanted to show the player that.
[10:13] Shin
    Do you wanna make them work or not?
SIGN    Edo is wiped out.
[10:18] Gin
    At this point, all you can
    do is reset and start over.
[10:21] Shin
    Who was it that said you can start
    anew so long as you don't give up?!
[10:23] Gin
    Shaddup!
[10:24] Gin
    You think you can auto-revive when
    you're wiped out? Life ain't that easy!
[10:29] Gin
    Those of us who grew up on Wizardry
[10:31] Gin
    had to form another party to go recover
    our bodies once we got wiped out.
[10:36] Gin
    After all that trouble, we'd take
    them to the temple to revive,
[10:38] Gin
    but sometimes we'd fail and
    lose our characters forever.
[10:40] Shin
    Enough with your "back in my day" crap!
[10:41] Shin
    There's no way modern kids could
    deal with this masochistic design!
[10:46] Kag
    That's it. Making them
    reset is going too far.
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
SIGN    Snack Otose
[10:49] Kag
    We can just make them form a
    new party to save us NEETs.
SIGN    Welcome to Kabuki District, Rumblee.
[10:55] Oto
    Welcome to Kabuki District, Rumblee.
[10:58] Shin
    Rumblee?!
[11:00] Kag
    Rumble had a kid sister.
[11:02] Kag
    She's come to Kabuki District
    in order to save him.
[11:04] Shin
    I get it! Twin protags!
SIGN    I'm impressed by your resolve to save your NEET brother.
[11:07] Oto
    I'm impressed by your resolve
    to save your NEET brother.
SIGN    But this town is overrun with NEET now.
[11:12] Oto
    But this town is overrun with NEET now.
SIGN    Rumblee,
[11:16] Oto
    Rumblee, can you really...
SIGN    Rumblee, can you really...
SIGN    save your brother?!
[11:20] Oto
    save your brother?!
SIGN    MADAO Hazard
[11:30] Voice
    MADAO Hazard.
[11:33] Shin
    It turned into a completely different game!
[11:36] Kag
    Act Two, Tales of Madao Hazard,
[11:39] Kag
    is a survival-horror game set in a
    Kabuki District taken over by NEETs.
[11:45] Shin
    Why have NEETs turned into
    a resident evil biohazard?!
[11:50] Kag
    The player must cut through
    wave after wave of NEETs.
[11:53] Shin
    What happened to the girl who
    came here to save a NEET?!
[11:56] Kag
    The objective is to reach NEET Rumble!
[12:01] Shin
    Rumble's totally become the last boss!
SIGN    Oh, no. Shinpachi's been completely consumed.
[12:06] Shin
    What do you mean, "consumed"?
    Just how terrifying is the NEET virus?
SIGN    Shinpachi... Rumble...
[12:11] Kag
    Shinpachi... Rumble...
SIGN    Don't give up! There must be a way to make them work!
[12:13] Gin
    Don't give up!
[12:15] Gin
    There must be a way to make them work!
[12:18] Shin
    How come you two get to be Rumblee's
    party members and I don't?!
SIGN    Fire that thing into their asses. It'll send them flying all the way to Hello Work.
[12:26] Mad
    Fire that thing into their asses.
[12:29] Mad
    It'll send them flying all
    the way to Hello Work.
[12:31] Shin
    Hey! Why's the NEET who caused all this
    showing up now like he's here to help?!
SIGN    However, there's only one work slot open.
[12:36] Mad
    However, there's only one work slot open.
SIGN    Unfortunately, one of the two will be erased along with the NEET virus.
[12:39] Mad
    Unfortunately, one of the two will
    be erased along with the NEET virus.
[12:43] Shin
    Say what?!
SIGN    Press A for Shinpachi-kun. Press B for Rumble.
[12:45] Mad
    Press A for Shinpachi-kun.
    Press B for Rumble.
SIGN    Press A for Shinpachi-kun. Press B for Rumble. Now, choose one!
[12:49] Mad
    Now, choose one!
[12:51] Shin
    H-How are you supposed to choose—
SIGN    I'm S
[12:59] Shin
    You too?!
[13:01] Shin
    In the end, all three NEETs got wiped out!
[13:04] Shin
    Can both siblings only speak in S and Ms?!
[13:06] Shin
    How the hell were they raised?!
[13:09] Kag
    There you have it.
[13:11] Gin
    Pretty good.
[13:13] Shin
    Like hell it is!
[13:14] Shin
    This game has nothing to do
    with even the G of Gintama!
[13:17] Shin
    And what happened to the stuff about
    the kidnapped princess, anyway?!
[13:20] Gin
    The princess doesn't exist anymore.
    Everyone turned into a NEET.
[13:24] Shin
    Just how half-assed is this story?!
[13:28] Tama
    Shinpachi-sama...
[13:29] Tama
    The kidnapped princess, and the
    slain Rumble and friends...
[13:33] Tama
    There's one way to recover them all.
[13:36] Shin
    Really, Tama-san?
[13:38] Tama
    The princess is fine.
[13:40] Tama
    Funnily enough, she escaped the NEET
    outbreak because she was kidnapped.
[13:45] Tama
    She was being held captive
    by terrifying monsters
[13:48] Tama
    in a world where no living
    person can ever set foot.
[13:58] Shin
    D-Don't tell me...
[14:00] Tama
    Yes. In order to gain tickets to
    the afterlife and save the princess,
[14:06] Tama
    Rumble and gang risked their lives
    and separated their bodies and souls.
[14:10] Tama
    Their new forms showed no traces
    of the time they spent as MADAOs.
[14:16] Tama
    History would come to know them as...
SIGN    Super MADAO Brothers
[14:22] Shin
    Forget recovering anything!
    It just made an even bigger mess!
[14:25] Shin
    Are you seriously going to start
    a third act at this point?
[14:28] Shin
    How many coattails are you
    people gonna crap on?!
[14:31] Tama
    But they've found work as plumbers now,
    and the princess will be rescued, too.
[14:36] Tama
    Everyone will be saved.
[14:37] Shin
    Not Bamco!
[14:39] Gin
    Okay, fine. We'll move on to a guy named
    Bamco Lord van Damme as the protag and—
[14:43] Shin
    Enough!
[14:47] G
    So we can either go with something like
    this or the action game showed before.
SIGN    Gintama Rumble Pitch
[14:53] G
    Which should we release, President?
SIGN    Bandai Namco
[14:59] Prez
    I'm S!
[15:11] Tae
    Take care.
[15:27] Shin
    Uh, something seems off.
SIGN    Glasses Are a Part of the Soul
SIGN    Zoff's Eyewear
[15:39] Zo
    So, what kind of glasses are you looking for?
[15:43] Zo
    Normal ones like these.
[15:45] Zo
    I broke them while half-asleep.
[15:48] Zo
    All the trendy stores are too expen—wait,
    don't take it the wrong way!
[15:52] Zo
    It's fine. We place more importance
    on visibility than appearance.
[16:00] Zo
    Glasses take the place of their
    wearer's eyes to see things.
[16:04] Zo
    They're a second pair of eyes.
[16:09] Zo
    Why don't you try these?
[16:12] Zo
    They have a bit of a rock style, though.
[16:14] Shin
    Uh, is this really rock?
[16:16] Zo
    They're called the Curr Sedd Glasses.
[16:19] Shin
    Curr Sedd Glasses?
[16:21] Zo
    These will let you see through all the
    world's truths clearly and distinctly.
[16:29] Shin
    Clearly and distinctly?
[16:30] Zo
    Indeed.
[16:32] Zo
    All of nature and creation,
    clearly and distinctly.
[16:36] Shin
    Uh, this goes beyond clearly and distinctly.
[16:38] Shin
    I'm clearly and distinctly seeing
    things that I shouldn't be seeing.
[16:42] Shin
    "Curr Sedd Glasses"?
[16:44] Shin
    These are just cursed glasses!
SIGN    Guardian Spirit
[16:50] Vo
    Guardian spirit.
[16:51] Shin
    It started analyzing things!
SIGN    Guardian spirits are spirits that follow a person or other entity and protect them. Also known as tutelary deities or guardian angels.
SIGN    Guardian spirits are spirits that follow a person or other entity and protect them. Also known as tutelary deities or guardian angels. -Extract from Vikipedia
[16:58] Shin
    It just copy-pasted from Vikipedia?!
[17:00] Shin
    Why can I see guardian spirits?
    These glasses are no joke!
[17:04] Shin
    And I can't unequip these cursed glasses!
[17:07] Shin
    That geezer!
[17:09] Shin
    What the hell does he think he's sold me?!
[17:11] Shin
    He'll pay for this!
[17:14] Shin
    Th-The store's gone...
[17:19] Shin
    No way.
[17:21] Shin
    Was that store itself an
    otherworldly eyewear store?
[17:25] Shin
    What am I to do?
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[17:28] Shin
    Gin-san!
[17:29] Shin
    Please help me!
[17:32] Gin
    What?
[17:33] Gin
    I can't deal with all
    this noise so early, man.
[17:36] Gin
    What is it? You see something scary?
SIGN    One word and you're dead.
[17:44] Shin
    N-No, it's nothing.
[17:47] Shin
    There was a huge one here, too!
[17:50] Shin
    Gin-san has one crazy guardian spirit!
[17:53] Gin
    What's wrong with you?
    Do you wanna be killed?
[17:56] Shin
    I-I'm sorry. Please don't kill me.
[17:59] Gin
    Seriously, what's gotten into you?
[18:01] Shin
    Spirit, nothing! That's practically a monster!
[18:03] Shin
    Has this thing always been by Gin-san's
    side since the anime started 10 years ago?
[18:08] Gin
    I'm busy as shit this morning, y'know.
[18:10] Gin
    I have so much to do, even an
    extra arm wouldn't be enough.
[18:13] Shin
    But you're using six arms!
[18:15] Shin
    Your guardian spirit's helping
    you with your morning stuff!
[18:18] Gin
    You should hurry up and get ready, too.
[18:22] Gin
    We're being forced to take part
    in the neighborhood sports meet.
SIGN    Chew well.
SIGN    What about rice? Want a normal serving or large?
[18:25] Shin
    What're you, a mom?!
[18:26] Shin
    And what does this look
    like without the glasses?
[18:29] Gin
    Oh, the miso soup moved.
[18:31] Shin
    A guardian spirit was behind the
    moving miso soup phenomenon?
[18:35] Gin
    I need to take a dump.
[18:36] Shin
    That's how the morning
    call of nature worked?!
[18:40] Gin
    Huh? Hey, who forgot to flush their poop?!
[18:45] Shin
    The unflushed poop was a guardian spirit's?!
[18:49] Shin
    I-I had no idea
[18:51] Shin
    that they were supporting
    our lifestyles this way.
[18:54] Shin
    But who knows what'd happen
    to me if I exposed this?
[18:58] Shin
    Anyway, I can't believe Gin-san
    had such a rugged guardian spirit.
[19:02] Shin
    No wonder he's so strong.
[19:05] Shin
    Is he an ancestor of his, or
    some god his family worshiped?
SIGN    Guardian Spirit Asuraman.
[19:09] Voice
    Guardian Spirit Asuraman.
SIGN    Guardian Spirit Asuraman.
    Sakata Gintoki's guardian spirit.
    The spirit of Ginnikuman erasers
    he got from capsule machines as a kid.
[19:12] Shin
    He was a Ginraser spirit?!
[19:14] Shin
    What the hell do you mean,
    an eraser's spirit?!
SIGN    He got seven Asuramans, so he threw away six. The vengeful malice of the six formed a spirit that plots to exact revenge on its host when it gets the chance.
[19:24] Shin
    This is no guardian spirit!
    It's just a vengeful ghost!
SIGN    Toilet
[19:28] Gin
    Hey, we're out of toilet paper!
SIGN    Special ability: making minor things disappear with its eraser.
[19:32] Shin
    That's some petty revenge!
[19:35] Gin
    Shinpachi! Bring me some TP!
SIGN    I'll kill you if you bring it!!
[19:38] Gin
    You there, Shinpachi?!
[19:40] Gin
    Hey! TP!
[19:40] Shin
    Sorry, Gin-san, but your guardian spirit
    has no intention of guarding you.
[19:42] Gin
    We're out of toilet paper, Shinpachi!
[19:45] Gin
    Wake up, Kagura!
[19:46] Gin
    Bring me toilet paper!
[19:49] AA
    Quiet. Forget that, bring me booze.
[19:54] Shin
    Who the hell is this dude?!
[19:57] AA
    Hup.
SIGN    Guardian Spirit Alchu.
[20:01] Voice
    Guardian Spirit Alchu.
SIGN    Guardian Spirit Alchu. Kagura's guardian spirit. The spirit of a pmon that's super popular with kids.
[20:03] Shin*
    What do you mean, Alchu?
    What is it, a ripoff?!
SIGN    A miraculous monster born from a collaboration between a drunkard and the Pchu stuffed toy Kagura made as a poor child who wanted to be part of the Pmon fad.
[20:11] (Flashback) Kag
    No! My Pchu!
[20:13] Shin*
    That drunkard looks familiar!
[20:15] Shin
    Actually, the spirit looks
    just like him, too!
SIGN    Swore absolute loyalty to the shochu that gave birth to him, stays with it, and protects it at all times.
[20:21] Shin
    He's just an alcoholic!
[20:22] Gin
    Kagura! TP!
[20:24] AA
    Oh, shut up.
[20:26] AA
    Gimme a sec. I'll go call Master.
[20:31] AA
    Master, shochu on the rocks.
[20:32] Shin
    Not a master bartender!
[20:35] AA
    Wake up, Master.
[20:37] AA
    We're out of shochu, Master.
[20:41] Shin
    Who wakes someone up like that?!
[20:43] Kag
    Ew, something stinks!
[20:45] Shin
    Is that why she always
    wakes up in a bad mood?!
[20:48] AA
    Master, get me sake.
[20:51] AA
    Sake, sake. Sake, okay?
[20:53] AA
    Sake, Sakay...
[20:54] Kag
    So sleepy...
[20:55] AA
    ...kay.
[20:56] Kag
    I wanna pee...
[20:57] AA
    ...kay.
[20:58] Kag
    Going to the bathroom...
SIGN    Since alcohol is his primary source of energy, he's always requesting more sake from his master.
[20:59] AA
    ...kay.
[21:00] Shin
    The 'kays were coming from you?!
[21:02] Shin
    That wasn't a verbal tic? It was
    just the ramblings of a drunkard?!
[21:09] Kag
    Hey, somebody in there? Tell me...
[21:10] AA
    ...kay.
[21:11] Kag
    What the heck? There's no response...
[21:13] AA
    ...kay.
[21:13] Shin
    Oh, I forgot about Gin-san.
SIGN    Guardian Spirit TP Knight
[21:18] Voice
    Guardian Spirit TP Knight.
[21:20] ---
    Why are you a spirit now?!
SIGN    The ill-will over a lack of TP and nobody bringing it to him brings this spirit of Sakata Gintoki to life every morning.
[21:24] Shin
    You turn into a spirit over no paper?
    You do this crap every morning?!
SIGN    While wandering to Matsuto Kiyoshi for toilet paper, it also walks Sadaharu as his makeshift guardian spirit.
[21:34] Shin**
    You were the one walking Sadaharu?!
[21:38] AA
    Take care of him.
[21:40] Shin
    My ass! You guys are totally useless!
SIGN    Kabuki District Sports Meet
[21:52] Oto
    Thank you all for taking time out of
    your busy schedules to be here today.
SIGN    Kabuki District Sports Meet
[21:59] Gin
    Jeez, why do old men and cabaret
    girls have to race one another?
[22:06] Shin
    Old men and cabaret girls
    would be one thing...
[22:11] Shin
    But all I'm seeing is a
    great underworld war!
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Guardian Spirits Are Also
    a Part of the Soul
[23:49] Shin
    You know, this isn't even the
    right season for a sports meet!
SIGN    Taking part in a big sports meet
SIGN    while listening to Jingle Bells has its own charm.
SIGN    But what becomes of Pachi-boy's glasses,
SIGN    which have turned into something quite bizarre?

E341 - Guardian Spirits Are Also a Part of the Soul

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:04] Shin
    I don't know if that store really existed.
[00:08] Shin
    At a seemingly cursed eyewear shop,
[00:10] Shin
    I was sold a pair of Curr Sedd Glasses
    that just turned out to be cursed glasses
[00:16] Shin
    and started seeing all kinds
    of spirits haunting our world.
[00:19] Shin
    Gin-san's guardian spirit, Asuraman.
SIGN    One word and you're dead.
[00:22] Shin
    Kagura-chan's guardian spirit, Alchu.
[00:25] Shin
    And I have to take part in the
    district sports meet in this state.
[00:29] Shin
    That fierce battle is about to begin!
SIGN    Kabuki District Sports Meet
[00:33] Shin
    Somebody get these messed-up
    glasses off of me!
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Slip Arc
SIGN    Guardian Spirits Are Also
    a Part of the Soul
SIGN    Kabuki District Sports Meet
[02:16] Kag
    We're on Team White.
SIGN    Watch the Slip Arc in a bright room
    and at a safe distance from your TV!
[02:18] Kag
    The other guys are Team Red.
[02:20] Kag
    Aw, I wanted to be Red.
[02:23] Shin
    Uh, in my eyes,
[02:26] Shin
    they all look like Team
    Dripping With Blood Red!
[02:30] G
    Hey, aren't those guys on Team White?
[02:33] G
    How about we curse them?
[02:34] G
    Don't do it.
[02:35] G
    They're the Asuraman and Alchu's masters.
[02:39] G
    What? That's them?
[02:40] G
    Asuraman, killer of 8,000 guardian spirits,
[02:42] G
    and Alchu, the man who defeated
    Admiral Great Spirit Battler?
[02:45] Shin
    What? Are these guys famous
    in guardian-spirit circles?
[02:48] G
    They mowed down a wave of guardian spirits
[02:50] G
    and helped their masters win a box of
    detergent in the Edo Supermarket Lottery.
[02:54] G
    They're monsters.
[02:56] (Flashback) G
    You win fourth prize!
[02:58] Shin
    Wait, there was a bloodbath
    happening even then?!
[02:58] (Flashback) Gin
    What, just detergent?
[03:02] G
    But that four-eyes is walking
    around without a guardian spirit.
[03:05] G
    Wanna go curse him?
[03:07] G
    Even the slightest advantage could
    help our masters in Team Red!
[03:11] Shin
    Wait, don't be hasty!
    It's just a sports meet!
[03:15] Mad
    Hey!
[03:16] Mad
    That guy's my friend!
[03:19] G
    Y-You're...
[03:20] G
    The hero of the Great Discarded
    Lunch Box War, MAD—
[03:29] Mad
    Get lost, scrubs.
SIGN    Guardian Spirit MADAO Shades's guardian spirit
[03:31] ---
    Guardian Spirit MADAO.
[03:32] Shin
    Wait, you're a guardian spirit?!
SIGN    Became a spirit while still a dead man walking. Looks like a normal person at first glance, but the shades are the actual body, and the human is the spirit. Can't do anything without his shades.
[03:36] Mad
    Are you okay, Shinpachi-kun?
[03:37] Shin
    No, are you okay?!
[03:39] Shin
    You became a spirit at some point!
    Your shades became the actual body!
[03:44] Mad
    If things go bad, this sports
    meet could lead to deaths.
[03:48] Shin
    You're already dead, though.
SIGN    Prize: 500,000 yen
[03:50] Mad
    Looks like everyone's hyped after hearing
    that the winning team gets a cash prize.
[03:55] Mad
    Look at that.
[03:56] G
    H-Hey, Yosaku, what's wrong?
[03:58] G
    My tummy just started aching.
[04:00] G
    Pull yourself together.
[04:02] G
    Kichinosuke!
[04:04] Mad
    That's the effect of having their
    guardian spirits taken out.
[04:07] Mad
    The fates of guardian spirits and
    their masters are intertwined.
[04:09] Mad
    If a guardian spirit's in trouble,
    its master will get in trouble, too.
[04:13] G
    What the hell happened?
[04:14] G
    Most of Team White got wiped out!
[04:16] Al
    Okay. Now we can hog all the prize money.
SIGN    I'm gonna kill you guys.
[04:19] Shin
    It was infighting?!
SIGN    Kabuki District Sports Meet
[04:21] MC
    Participants are to take their positions.
[04:24] MC
    The first game is pole basketball.
[04:26] MC
    Get set, go!
[04:31] G
    All right! We won't lose to Team White!
[04:34] G
    Huh?
[04:36] G
    Take-chan, you've got
    something red on your face.
[04:38] G
    Huh? What is it?
SIGN    Kabuki District Association
[04:44] Oto
    A bonding event like this
[04:46] Oto
    isn't a bad idea once in a while.
[04:48] Shin
    What part of this is "bonding"?!
[04:50] Shin
    Right beside the kids throwing
    balls with smiles on their faces,
[04:53] Shin
    guardian-spirit eyeballs are
    flying all over the place!
[04:56] Shin
    How am I supposed to play this game
    while watching a scene out of hell?!
[05:00] Shin
    Someone get these cursed glasses off of me!
[05:03] Kag
    Huh? That's weird.
[05:05] Kag
    We've been throwing ball after ball,
    but they're not going in the basket.
[05:10] Gin
    Is it just me, or did a ball that
    was clearly going in just rebound?
[05:13] Kag
    It's like there's something invisible
    in the basket already.
[05:17] Shin
    No...
[05:19] Shin
    There's a haunting spirit
    living in the basket!
[05:21] Shin
    What the hell are you doing
    up there, Hasegawa-san?!
[05:23] Mad
    R-Run away...
[05:25] Kag
    Get in!
[05:27] Gin
    Why won't they go in?
[05:28] Shin
    Wait! You may not see him,
    but Hasegawa-san's in there!
[05:33] Mad
    Team Red has a crazy guardian spirit, too!
[05:38] Mad
    A real monster!
[05:42] Shin
    Gin-san's guardian spirit!
[05:45] Kag
    What's wrong?
[05:46] Kag
    Shinpachi! Gin-chan suddenly...
[05:50] Shin
    No way. Don't tell me...
[05:53] Tae
    Fancy running into you here, Shin-chan.
[05:56] Tae
    You're all taking part, too?
[05:58] Tae
    Unfortunately, it looks like
    we're on opposing teams.
[06:03] Tae
    But let's play fair and have fun, okay?
[06:14] Shin
    What part of this is fair?!
[06:16] Shin
    You have an S-ranked OP monster
    as a guardian spirit!
SIGN    Guardian Spirit Dark Thousand-Armed Kannon
[06:21] Voice
    Guardian Spirit Dark Thousand-Armed Kannon.
[06:23] Shin
    What kind of lifestyle did you lead to
    get haunted by a spirit like that, Sis?!
SIGN    Shimura Tae's Guardian Spirit The thousands of eggs she burned to death came together to form this spirit.
[06:29] (Flashback) Tae
    Oh, no. I burned it again.
[06:31] Shin
    It's the resentment of omelets?!
[06:32] Shin
    Just how deep must their grudge be
    to turn them into that monster?!
SIGN    Karma causes her to be haunted by Dark Kannon. She's put under the Dark Matter Curse, which burns everything she touches pitch-black.
[06:36] (Flashback) Tae
    Oh, no. I burned the fish, too.
[06:39] Shin
    The dark matter was the result of a curse?!
SIGN    She's also put under the Yada Yu Curse, meaning she has to live with a kid brother whose talents have all turned to ash.
[06:43] Shin**
    Why am I being treated like a curse, too?!
SIGN    Battle Points
[06:45] Shin
    What the hell are battle points?
[06:47] Shin
    I didn't know we had such
    a pretentious system!
SIGN    (But if brother is present,
    BP is reduced by 2,000.)
[06:50] Shin
    Could the brother be any more of a burden?!
[06:53] Shin
    That arm I got a glimpse of back
    then was one of its thousand arms?
[06:57] Shin
    I can't believe it took out
    Asuraman and Alchu in a flash.
[07:01] Shin
    It's only the first match,
    and we're half-dead already.
[07:03] Kag
    We got food poisoning, too?
[07:06] Shin
    There's no way we can beat
    a monster like that.
[07:08] Tae
    Oh, we're out of balls.
[07:11] Tae
    Staff, could we please get some more balls?
[07:14] Kon
    Coming right up. We have
    all the balls you want.
[07:17] Kon
    Do you want red balls, white balls,
[07:21] Kon
    or...
[07:23] Kon
    my ballsck?
SIGN    Guardian Spirit Ten-Thousand Vajra Ball Bodhisattva Ballsck's guardian spirit.
[07:29] Voice
    Guardian Spirit Ten-Thousand
    Vajra Ball Bodhisattva.
[07:32] Shin
    What kinda guardian spirit is that?!
SIGN    Along with being the guardian spirit of Kondo's ballsck, it's also the guardian spirit of Shimura Tae's guardian spirit.
[07:35] Shin
    What do you mean, the guardian*
    spirit of a guardian spirit?
SIGN    The thousands of sticky eggs that Kondo Isao wrapped in tissues and killed came together to form this spirit.
[07:39] Shin
    What eggs are you talking about?!
SIGN    The karma from that puts him under the Stalker Curse, which makes him a devious stalker with a sticky body.
[07:42] Shin
    Don't try to blame a
    curse for your stalking!
SIGN    His resemblance to gorillas has nothing to do with any curses.
[07:46] Shin
    Blame a curse for that*!
SIGN    Gorilla Points
[07:50] Shin
    Hey, what the hell are gorilla points?!
SIGN    But if Shimura Tae
    is present, 2x GP.
[07:53] Shin
    Why'd it double? Don't*
    count Sis as a gorilla!
[07:56] Kon
    Make your choice: red balls,
    white balls, or my ballsck.
[07:59] Kon
    Which will you pick?
[08:01] Tae
    In that case,
[08:02] Tae
    I'll use your soul balls as actual balls.
[08:10] MC
    Time's up!
[08:11] MC
    Both teams have scored
    zero balls. It's a draw.
[08:14] Shin
    We tied!
[08:16] Shin
    Thanks to the moron,
    we somehow managed to tie!
[08:19] Shin
    B-But how will we play the next game?
[08:22] Shin
    Gin-san, Kagura-chan,
    we can't go any further.
[08:24] Shin
    Let's retire. Enough of
    this sports meet from hell.
[08:28] Gin
    Don't be stupid. There's
    prize money riding on this.
[08:30] Gin
    Besides...
[08:32] MC
    The next game is the
    three-legged obstacle race.
[08:35] Gin
    As you heard, the next event
    relies on cooperation.
[08:38] Gin
    We can get through this
    with each other's help.
[08:40] Shin
    Uh, you need the help of your guardian*
    spirits most, and they've been taken out.
[08:44] Shin
    Damn it.
[08:45] Shin
    I'm the only one who can see them.
    I have to do something.
[08:50] Al
    I can't believe a god-level guardian
    spirit is taking part in a sports meet.
SIGN    It seems we'll have to go out all-out, too.
[08:55] Al
    Yeah. We have no choice
    but to do that, Asuraman.
[08:59] Shin
    Do what? Do you have an idea?
[09:01] Al
    If our masters are going three-legged,
[09:04] Al
    we'll just do the same.
[09:07] Al
    Guardian Fusion!
[09:08] Sign
    Guardian Fusion
[09:11] Shin
    Fusion?!
SIGN    Guardian Fusion refers to the phenomenon where multiple guardian spirits fuse together to form a stronger one.
SIGN    When Asuraman and Alchu do the Guardian Fusion dance,
SIGN    they protect Odd Jobs
SIGN    by evolving into a
    divine guardian spirit.
SIGN    Divine Guardian Spirit MADAO (MAd DAmnation Omen)
[09:27] Voice
    Divine Guardian Spirit MADAO.
[09:30] Shin
    Something else got mixed in!
[09:43] Voice
    Divine Guardian Spirit MADAO.
SIGN    MADAO: A guardian spirit accidentally born when a fly joined the Guardian Fusion. Currently unemployed.
[09:46] Shin
    We forgot about the fly in the basket!
SIGN    The three spirit's powers have combined, meaning it's an unemployed alcoholic that can only communicate with a whiteboard.
[09:52] Shin
    It's just a fusion of all their problems!
SIGN    Battle Points
[09:56] Shin
    Whoa, that's super high!
SIGN    (But on days when it lacks
    the motivation to work, BP
    is reduced by 31999.)
[09:58] Shin
    So it's trash all 365 days of the year!
[10:00] MC
    Participants, are you ready?
[10:03] Shin
    Crap.
[10:04] Shin
    The race is about to begin.
[10:06] MC
    Three-legged obstacle race! Get set, go!
[10:12] Shin
    Not a single group's running on three legs!
[10:15] Shin
    What the hell is this creepy game?
[10:17] Shin
    Is this how three-legged
    races have always worked?
[10:20] Shin
    But we might have a shot here.
[10:21] Shin
    Divine Guardian Spirit MADAO is a quadruped.
[10:23] Shin
    It's perfect to ride on!
[10:27] Shin
    That's how it walks?!
[10:30] Shin
    What I thought was its face
    was actually its sole?!
[10:32] Shin
    It's gonna take more than a hundred
    years to cross the finish line!
[10:35] Shin
    Get off! You're sure to
    go much faster that way!
SIGN    Hey, taxi.
[10:40] Shin
    Don't try to hail a cab!
[10:45] Kat
    Gintoki, Leader. What are you doing here?
[10:49] Kat
    Want a ride on my guardian spirit?
[10:51] Voice
    Guardian Spirit...
SIGN    Guardian Spirit Katsulla Not Corolla
[10:53] Kat
    Katsulla Not Corolla.
[10:55] Shin
    Why is a Corolla your guardian spirit?!
SIGN    Katsura Kotaro's guardian spirit. When he got in a traffic accident, his soul was
    split in two. One half entered a Corolla, and the other was bound for hell,
    but was given a ride to his body by the Corolla and safely made it through.
[11:00] Shin
    But it didn't! Half his soul is still gone!
SIGN    Ever since, he kept the spirit of the car around even after it went out of service, used it to escape in emergencies, and came to be known as Runaway Kotarou.
[11:07] Shin
    Runaway Kotarou was running
    away in a Corolla?!
SIGN    In return for that power, he would be put under the Katsura Not Zura Curse, meaning he had to always drag the Corolla around with his hair and abuse his hair roots to the limit.
[11:13] Shin
    You were always pushing
    yourself to the extreme?
[11:15] Shin
    The "I'm not Zura, I'm Katsura"
    thing always bothered you?
[11:18] Kat
    What's wrong? Aren't you getting on, Gintoki?
[11:20] Gin
    Uh, get on what?
[11:21] Kat
    Right. We're on opposite sides now.
[11:24] Kat
    I'll be waiting for you
    at the finish line, then!
[11:27] Shin
    Is that even allowed?!
[11:28] Shin
    They're the biggest obstacles
    in this obstacle race!
SIGN    Danger
    Demons
[11:33] MC
    Whoa, an explosion!
[11:35] MC
    They've run into the talisman area,
    which fends off all wicked beings!
[11:40] Kat
    Corolla!
[11:41] Shin
    What the hell is a talisman area?!
[11:43] Shin
    Why are talismans part of an obstacle race?!
[11:46] Shin
    They're clearly out to
    get the guardian spirits!
[11:52] Shin
    They're all passing on one after
    another! What's with this sports meet?
[11:55] Kat
    Hang in there, Corolla.
    I won't leave you behind.
[11:59] Shin
    The master's carrying his guardian
    spirit! Talk about role reversal!
[12:03] Hij
    Now!
[12:05] MC
    Whoa! There's another pair in hot pursuit!
[12:08] Hij
    Katsura, your time's up! Surrender
    to the long arm of the law!
[12:12] Shin
    Why're you guys running on three legs, too?!
[12:12] Bo
    One, two... One, two...
[12:15] Kat
    They were waiting for the
    moment my Corolla broke down?
[12:19] Kat
    Of all the cowardly schemes!
[12:21] Hij
    Keep talking!
[12:22] Hij
    You dug your own grave by taking part
    in a sports meet as a Joi Rebel!
[12:26] Shin
    You're one to talk, cop taking
    part in a sports meet!
[12:28] Kat
    But can you two cross this talisman area?
[12:32] Kat
    If you can't, you'll never
    catch me and my Corolla!
[12:38] Kat
    Wha...
[12:38] MC
    Wait, what's going on here? The talismans!
[12:43] Kat
    Impossible! You're negating the talismans?
[12:47] Kat
    Don't tell me, your guardian spirit...
[12:51] Kat
    It's Western?!
SIGN    Guardian Ghost Mayorati Not Maserati
[12:52] Voice
    Guardian Ghost...
[12:53] Hij
    Mayorati Not Maserati.
[12:55] Shin
    That's it? It's a foreign brand?!
[12:59] Kat
    A foreign car, not a domestic one? Of course
    Japanese talismans wouldn't affect it!
[13:04] Kat
    That guardian spirit is cheating!
[13:06] Shin
    Your guardian spirits are Corolla
    and Maserati! You're all cheating!
SIGN    Hijikata Toshiro's guardian spirit. The spirit of a rich man's Maserati he ruined by pouring mayonnaise in its tank as a prank back when he was a bad boy.
SIGN    Due to that, he was put under the Mayorati Curse, meaning he has to intake mayonnaise at regular intervals.
[13:15] Shin
    You were cursed, too?!
[13:17] Shin
    Why are all your character
    traits made up of curses?!
[13:20] (Flashback) Hij
    Hold it!
SIGN    He was also put under the V-Shaped Bangs Curse, meaning his bangs are always being pulled by a Maserati, putting him at risk of balding.
[13:24] Shin
    Of course they'd call you
    the demonic vice chief!
[13:26] Hij
    Katsura!
[13:27] Hij
    You're done for now!
[13:29] Hij
    We've got this race in the bag!
[13:31] Shin
    What happened to catching him?!
[13:36] MC
    Whoa, the Shinsengumi have
    come to a standstill!
[13:40] MC
    Is that... a cross?!
[13:43] MC
    It's a godly trap that can fend off
    wicked beings from overseas, too!
[13:47] Shin
    They even have an obstacle like that?!
[13:49] MC
    Actually, upon closer inspection,
    it looks like the letter T?
[13:51] Oki
    What're you doing, Hijikata-san?
[13:54] Oki
    Could you move your leg already?
[13:56] Oki
    If you waste too much time,
[13:58] Oki
    I'll rip that leg of yours right off.
SIGN    Divine Guardian Spirit Tormenting Sadist
[14:02] Voice
    Divine Guardian Spirit...
[14:03] Oki
    Tormenting Sadist.
[14:05] Shin
    It was your doing?!
[14:06] Shin
    What kind of god is named Tormenting Sadist?!
[14:08] (Flashback) Oki
    I hear Maserati can run on mayonnaise, too.
[14:11] (Flashback) Hij
    Don't be stupid.
[14:13] Shin
    You were the mastermind
    who ruined the Maserati?
SIGN    After he tricked Hijikata Toshiro and was tied up and left deep in the mountains,
SIGN    he met a god in the dark.
[14:18] (Flashback) T
    Do you want revenge?
[14:19] (Flashback) Oki
    Wh-Who's there?
[14:21] (Flashback) T
    I'm you. The very darkness within you.
[14:25] Shin
    It's basically a devil!
SIGN    It's stuck in Hijikata Toshiro's body and is sucking up his life force.
[14:30] Shin
    That's one disturbing guardian spirit!
[14:32] Kat
    This is our chance, Elizabeth.
[14:34] Kat
    We've made it past the talisman area.
[14:36] Kat
    Now to overtake them in
    one go with our Corolla!
SIGN    Divine Guardian Spirit God of Toilets
[14:45] Voice
    Divine Guardian Spirit God of Toilets.
SIGN    Elizabeth's guardian spirit. A god he gave birth to in order to escape reality while cleaning the toilet.
SIGN    Cleans up all impurities, whether the toilet is Japanese or Western style.
[14:51] Shin
    You're getting in your partner's way, too?!
SIGN    Bleaurgh
[14:52] Kat
    Corolla! My Corolla!
[14:55] Hij
    Damn it, what's going on?
    I can't move my legs!
[14:58] Shin
    Why are both of them running three-legged
    with their biggest obstacles?
[15:04] MC
    Time's up! The game is over!
SIGN    Finish Line
[15:06] MC
    Neither team has crossed the
    finish line. It's a draw.
[15:10] Shin
    Like we could ever cross it!
[15:12] Shin
    All we're getting are guardian-spirit
    corpses and injured people!
[15:16] Shin
    We really should retire.
[15:17] BG
    This way!
[15:17] Shin
    Any more would be...
[15:21] Shin
    Was that the eyewear seller just now?
[15:23] Gin
    Hey, what's wrong, Shinpachi?
[15:26] Shin
    He was here. Is he taking
    part in the sports meet?
[15:30] Shin
    Where is he? Where'd he go?
[15:32] MC
    Let's move on to the next event.
[15:34] MC
    We had a bread-eating race,
[15:37] MC
    a scavenger hunt, and a cavalry
    battle planned after this,
[15:40] MC
    but due to a lack of participants, we'll
    combine all of these into one final game.
[15:45] MC
    The team that eats the opponent's bread and
    protects its own bread to the end wins.
SIGN    Grandpa's dentures
[15:50] MC
    But you can borrow the items written
    on the papers strewn about the course
[15:56] MC
    and eat them or use them as a weapon.
[15:59] MC
    Additionally, the member riding on top
[16:03] MC
    doesn't have to be human.
[16:04] Shin
    Using guardian spirits is tacitly allowed?!
[16:07] Shin
    What's the meaning of this? What do
    those people think they're carrying?!
[16:12] Shin
    But maybe...
[16:14] Shin
    Maybe the eyewear seller is among them.
[16:16] Shin
    If I find him, I might be able
    to take off these cursed glasses.
[16:21] Gin
    Listen, Shinpachi.
[16:23] Gin
    Even if you're hungry, don't
    you dare touch that bread.
[16:26] MC
    Get set, go!
[16:31] Shin
    Wait, I'm riding?!
[16:32] Shin
    You think I'm a spirit?!
[16:35] Shin
    They're really gonna make me a spirit!
[16:42] Shin
    MADAO!
[16:44] Shin
    It was struggling so much to move
    before, but to protect me...
SIGN    Gimme the bread.
[16:52] Shin
    That's your goal?!
[16:53] Shin
    Wait, wait! Not this bread!
[16:56] Shin
    If you want bread, go after the enemy's!
[16:58] Shin
    The enemy's...
[17:00] Shin
    The enemy's bread is huge!
[17:03] Shin
    The enemy's bread is fast!
[17:05] Shin
    The enemy's bread is a baguette!
[17:08] Shin
    This isn't working.
[17:09] Shin
    Let's borrow a weapon, Gin-san.
    Pick up a piece of paper.
[17:12] Shin
    What does it say? Please be a weapon!
SIGN    Love and Courage
[17:16] Gin
    Excuse me. Could any of you
    lend us love and courage?
[17:21] Gin
    We promise to give it back.
[17:22] Gin
    Love and courage separate is fine, too.
[17:24] G
    That stuff's always been in your hearts.
[17:28] Shin
    Bullshit!
[17:29] Shin
    Sure, they're the greatest weapons one
    could have, but they're useless right now!
[17:32] Shin
    We need something more specific!
SIGN    Daddy's Bat
[17:35] Kag
    Could any of you lend us a daddy's bat?
[17:39] Kag
    Daddy and bat separate is fine, too, 'kay?
[17:42] G
    You can use this, then.
[17:45] Shin
    The daddy and the bat really are separate!
[17:47] G
    Sasuke, are you sure?
    That's a memento of Daddy.
[17:50] G
    It's fine. I'm sure Daddy up in
    heaven will allow it with a smile.
[17:54] Shin
    Like we could borrow that!
[17:55] Shin
    Daddy's not smiling at all! He's crying!
[17:57] Shin
    We need something that's not
    Daddy's or something sad!
SIGN    Mommy's Jackknife
[18:00] G
    Can you really wield me?
[18:03] Shin
    That's just an edgy mommy!
[18:04] Shin
    That's sad in its own way!
SIGN    Grandpa's a Jack
[18:08] Shin
    Who?! What does he have to do with a weapon?!
[18:11] Shin
    We need something that's not so complicated!
SIGN    Divine Sword God Death Crimson Blade Mk. 2
[18:14] Gin
    Excuse me. Could any of you lend us a Divine
    Sword God Death Crimson Blade Mk. 2?
[18:20] Shin
    The weapon itself is complicated now!
[18:22] Kag
    God and Death Crimson
    separate is fine, too, 'kay?
[18:26] Shin
    As if anyone would have something
    like that at a sports meet!
[18:28] G
    Sure, if you're okay with mine.
[18:30] Shin
    You have one? Who the hell are you?!
[18:33] Shin
    What's a Divine Sword God Death
    Crimson Blade Mk. 2 doing here?
[18:37] Shin
    But we could win the
    cavalry battle with this.
[18:43] Shin
    Why the hell are you eating the Divine
    Sword God Death Crimson Blade Mk. 2?!
SIGN    They said it was okay to eat borrowed items...
[18:48] Shin
    Do you really get it? This is a Divine
    Sword God Death Crimson Blade Mk. 2!
SIGN    Divine Sword God Death Crimson Blade Mk. 2 is a holy sword that purges evil. Any evil that touches the blade will be burned by holy flames.
[18:56] Shin
    Oh, crap. Because he ate a holy
    sword, MADAO's body is...
[18:59] Gin
    M-My body's losing strength!
[19:02] Shin
    Gin-san, Kagura-chan!
[19:06] Shin
    I'm done for! It's all over!
[19:13] Shin
    Huh?
[19:15] Shin
    Wh-Where am I?
SIGN    Glasses
[19:24] Zoff
    Your glasses are right here.
[19:27] Zoff
    I fixed them up nice and good.
[19:30] Zoff
    However, these glasses are really old.
[19:33] Zoff
    If you wear them, you'll go back
    to not being able to see anything.
[19:38] Zoff
    Is that all right?
[19:41] Zoff
    I wanted you to see it at least once...
[19:45] Zoff
    See the world we live in.
[19:49] Zoff
    Should you put on these glasses,
    you'll never return to this world.
[19:55] Zoff
    But I want you to remember once
    in a while that you three have
[20:00] Zoff
    Asuraman,
[20:02] Zoff
    Alchu,
[20:05] Zoff
    and me by your side.
[20:11] Zoff
    We're always watching over you,
[20:16] Zoff
    Master.
[20:23] Kag
    This is bad, Shinpachi!
[20:25] Gin
    We haven't gotten a weapon yet!
[20:27] Mad
    Hey! What now, Shinpachi-kun?
[20:30] Shin
    I'm already holding a weapon.
[20:33] Shin
    I don't have to see now. I know.
[20:36] Shin
    Asuraman,
[20:38] Shin
    Alchu,
[20:39] Shin
    and my glasses!
[20:43] Shin
    Your hearts and ours are always as one.
[20:47] Shin
    Even if I can't see you, these glasses
    clearly display your feelings!
SIGN    Guardian Spirit Glasses. Shinpachi's glasses, which have been repaired and fitted with a new feature.
SIGN    Their wearer can see distant feelings and emotions
SIGN    Their wearer can see distant feelings and emotions, but...
SIGN    ...is totally farsighted and unable to see anything close.
SIGN    Kabuki District Sports Meet
[21:13] Shin
    All right. Time to buy new glasses.
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    heads toward its conclusion
SIGN    Shogun Assassination Arc
[22:55] Gin
    Before dawn.
[22:58] Gin
    The night is darkest just before the dawn.
[23:01] Gin
    But keep your eyes open.
SIGN    Farewell Shinsengumi Arc
[23:05] Hij
    Kondo-san, I've finally become
[23:11] Hij
    a proper member of the Shinsengumi.
SIGN    The Battle on Rakuyo Arc
[23:17] Kag
    I still have a job to do, huh?
SIGN    And now...
[23:26] Tae
    We're basically a colony.
[23:28] Kyu
    Our country may have been done
    for long before all of this.
[23:34] Mad
    We can't give up.
[23:35] Kat
    This is Lord Tokugawa Nobunobu!
[23:38] Oto
    I wonder where those morons
    are and what they're up to.
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[23:44] Gin
    We've got you covered.
[23:45] Gin
    From walking your dog to keeping Earth safe,
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
[23:48] Gin
    we Odd Jobs will do anything.
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Look forward to it.
SIGN    The final long arc begins next episode.
SIGN    We enter the Silver Soul Arc.

E342 - Try As You Might to Make a Natural Perm Go Away, It Will Always Return

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:05] Shin
    With the assassination of the 14th
    shogun, Tokugawa Shigeshige-sama,
SIGN    A New Shogun Is Appointed
[00:10] Shin
    we were swallowed whole
    by the winds of change.
[00:15] Shin
    The Shinsengumi disbanded,
[00:16] Shin
    and no matter how many sacrifices had
    to be made, the desire to protect Edo
[00:20] Shin
    set each of us on a search for our own path.
[00:24] Shin
    Following a fierce battle on
    Kagura-chan's home planet, Rakuyo,
[00:28] Shin
    the untold past
[00:30] Shin
    and the true goal of the immortal Naraku
    leader, Utsuro, were revealed to us.
[00:38] Shin
    He made the Altana reserves of seven
    planets go berserk, destroying them.
[00:42] Shin
    The Tendoshu's Altana Preservation Agency
    had monopolized the universe's Altana,
[00:47] Shin
    but Utsuro's actions meant that it was
    freed and essentially relinquished.
[00:53] Shin
    The planets that retook their Altana
    decided to end the Agency's rule,
[00:57] Shin
    and to that end, formed the
    Altana Liberation Army
[00:59] Shin
    and descended upon Earth,
    where the Tendoshu were.
[01:03] Shin
    Utsuro's goal was to use
    this interplanetary war
[01:07] Shin
    to turn Earth into space dust.
[01:11] Shin
    Our final battle is about to begin.
[01:19] Mad
    We can't give up.
[01:22] Mad
    Even if we find ourselves
    in the depths of despair
[01:26] Mad
    or within the darkest abyss,
[01:30] Mad
    as long as we keep our eyes open,
[01:33] Mad
    we can still find a ray of hope.
SIGN    Watch the Silver Soul Arc in a bright room
    and at a safe distance from your TV!!
[01:37] W
    He's been at it for about an hour now.
[01:40] W
    It's scary, Officer. Can you
    do something about him?
[01:44] O
    Hey, what's the matter?
[01:47] O
    Did you drop something down there?
[01:49] O
    Hey, are you okay?
[01:52] O
    Are you stuck? You can't get out?
[01:59] O
    Hang on! We'll get you
    out of there right now!
[02:04] G
    He's totally stuck.
[02:06] O
    Yeah. One, two...
[02:09] Mad
    I won't give up!
[02:11] Mad
    I won't ever...
[02:16] O
    What's that light?
[02:20] Mad
    ...give up!
SIGN    Children's Bank
[02:42] Mad
    Go to hell, world!
[02:45] Oto
    It really will!
[02:47] Oto
    Why are you wallowing in such trivial
    despair when Edo is in peril?
[02:52] Oto
    Do you realize the situation we're in?
[02:55] Mad
    Who cares about Edo?
[02:57] Mad
    Peril or not, my life is on
    the brink of ruin anyway.
[03:03] Mad
    All this means is that you people have
    finally found yourselves in my shoes.
[03:07] Mad
    Welcome to my world.
[03:09] Cat
    You know, maybe this guy is
    the final villain in this anime.
[03:13] Oto
    Such is the strength of one
    who has nothing to lose.
[03:15] Oto
    We should all try to
    avoid ending up like him.
[03:19] Tam
    I'm back.
[03:21] Oto
    How was the town, Tama?
[03:27] (Flashback) Gen
    It's like we've gone back
    in time twenty years.
[03:30] (Flashback) Gen
    Back to the Amanto invasion.
[03:31] (Flashback) Gen
    Our country had lived in
    isolation for centuries,
[03:34] (Flashback) Gen
    but aliens suddenly swooped down on it.
[03:36] (Flashback) Gen
    People ran around in constant fear of them,
[03:39] (Flashback) Gen
    and in their place, the Amanto walked
    around like they owned the place.
[03:43] (Flashback) Gen
    Basically, that fear has
    reared its ugly head again.
[03:47] (Flashback) Tae
    It's like we're a colony.
[03:50] (Flashback) Kyu
    We actually are.
[03:51] (Flashback) Kyu
    Sure, there was no war, but this
    country's under their rule now.
[03:56] (Flashback) Kyu
    The Altana Liberation Army is an allied front
    against the Altana Preservation Agency.
[04:04] (Flashback) Kyu
    Their goal is to wipe out the Agency.
[04:07] (Flashback) Kyu
    They've already crushed the Agency's
    bases on several other planets
[04:11] (Flashback) Kyu
    and taken back the Altana
    that was under its control.
[04:14] (Flashback) Kyu
    And they've cornered the Tendoshu,
    who are in this country,
[04:18] (Flashback) Kyu
    and taken over most of the
    major government bureaus.
[04:21] (Flashback) Kyu
    But the Tendoshu went into hiding,
[04:25] (Flashback) Kyu
    and the shogun, who was supposed to sort
    out this mess, can't be reached, either.
[04:29] (Flashback) Kyu
    The bakufu has collapsed,
[04:32] (Flashback) Kyu
    meaning there's nothing left
    to defend the people anymore.
[04:38] (Flashback) Kyu
    Our country may have been done
    for long before all of this.
[04:45] (Flashback) Tsu
    So we were caught in the crossfire between
    the Tendoshu and the Liberation Army?
[04:51] (Flashback) Tsu
    If so, can we resolve this by bringing
    the Tendoshu's heads to them?
[04:56] (Flashback) Sac
    It's not just the Tendoshu.
[04:59] (Flashback) Sac
    Taking over this planet is
    part of their plan, too.
[05:03] (Flashback) Tsu
    Should we chase those rowdies out, then?
[05:06] (Flashback) Sac
    At this point,
[05:08] (Flashback) Sac
    what moron would turn the entire universe against them by fighting?
[05:11] (Flashback) Tsu
    You know who.
[05:14] (Flashback) Tsu
    Tama-san...
[05:15] (Flashback) All
    Where are they now?
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[05:24] Oto
    I wonder where those morons
    are and what they're up to.
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
SIGN    Snack Otose
[05:32] Mad
    We can't give up.
[05:38] A
    You dare insult us?!
[05:41] A
    We're fighting to liberate people all across
    the universe from the Tendoshu's rule.
[05:47] A
    Are you saying you're not willing
    to cooperate with our effort?
[05:49] G
    P-Please spare me!
[05:51] G
    I'm just an old man living
    each day as it comes!
[05:55] G
    My house is all empty now!
    There's nothing more I can offer you!
[06:00] A
    That so? We'll take that house, then.
[06:08] Mad
    Even if we find ourselves
    in the depths of despair...
[06:14] A
    You have some nerve to serve this
    awful booze to the Liberation Army.
[06:18] A
    Are you one of the Agency's minions?
[06:21] W
    N-No!
[06:23] A
    Then bring us the most
    expensive booze you've got!
[06:26] A
    Okay, you've had too much to drink.
[06:30] Mad
    ...or within the darkest abyss...
[06:35] A
    Huh? What are you doing?
[06:40] A
    I'd heard that this planet was home to proud
    warriors you can't find anywhere else,
[06:46] A
    but did you lose your pride along with your
    change while living under Tendoshu rule?
[06:53] A
    Well, go ahead and pick them up.
[07:00] A
    Even after the Tendoshu are gone,
[07:02] A
    you people will never get
    back what you've lost.
[07:10] Mad
    ...as long as we keep our eyes open,
[07:19] Mad
    we can still find a ray of hope.
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
SIGN    Job Request
[07:33] Mad
    To Odd Jobs,
[07:35] Mad
    I've gathered the wishes of Edo's citizens.
[07:45] Mad
    This job request entails just one task:
[07:51] Mad
    taking back the land of
    the samurai together.
[07:57] A
    Who the hell are you?
[08:02] Mad
    Immigration Bureau Chief,
[08:05] Mad
    Hasegawa Taizo!
SIGN    Job Request
[08:19] Oto
    Looks like a temple's offering box, huh?
[08:21] Oto
    After learning that there
    are no gods in our world,
[08:25] Oto
    I guess people turned to
    this place as a last resort.
[08:28] Oto
    Who knows what they prayed to
    those blights on society for?
[08:32] Oto
    All this money is going to be used for
    is to pay off the rent they owe me.
[08:38] Tae
    I'm sure these people don't mind.
[08:41] Tae
    Even if they're blights on society, and
    this money will only be used to pay rent,
SIGN    Job Request
[08:45] Tae
    it's okay if it brings Odd Jobs back here.
[08:48] Tae
    That's what everyone wants.
[08:53] Oto
    Is that so? How charitable of them.
[08:56] Oto
    If it were me, I'd wish for
    something more concrete.
[08:59] Tae
    Like what?
[09:01] Oto
    "I hope more rent money piles up here."
SIGN    Job Request
[09:05] Tae
    Isn't that great? Your wish
    has already come true.
[09:12] Oto
    Good grief.
[09:13] Oto
    Looks like I'll need not just rent money,
    but also money for repairs now.
[09:22] Mad
    I won't let you do as you please
    in this country anymore.
[09:25] A
    Immigration Bureau?
[09:28] A
    Forget that, this country's entire
    government is already dea—
[09:31] Mad
    It's not dead.
[09:35] Mad
    The country may have fallen,
[09:39] Mad
    but the samurai still live.
[09:44] Mad
    Those guys will come back.
[09:47] Mad
    So we have to defend this
    country until they do.
[09:52] Mad
    We can't waste time wallowing in despair.
[09:55] Mad
    Kid, we may not be aware of it,
[09:59] Mad
    but we all live atop a pit of despair.
[10:01] Mad
    Tomorrow, we could lose our
    job, have nothing to eat,
[10:05] Mad
    or poop our pants at temple school.
[10:08] Mad
    Even the slightest slip-ups like those
    can make despair bare its fangs at us.
[10:14] Mad
    I used to wonder why I was
    the only one suffering.
[10:17] Mad
    But maybe I needed to go through
    those times to stand here today.
[10:21] Mad
    Maybe I needed that in order to prop up
    Edo when all of it fell into despair.
[10:27] Mad
    To become the last watchman of despair.
[10:31] Mad
    But while despair can bare
    its fangs at any moment,
[10:34] Mad
    so too can hope.
[10:36] Mad
    In my eyes, this despair is
    just one of countless many.
[10:41] Mad
    It's so trivial that just finding a coin
    on the street will make it evaporate.
[10:48] Mad
    Come, let's go find a ray
    of hope within this despair.
[10:53] Mad
    Take me to your boss. As Immigration
    Bureau Chief, I need to talk to him.
[10:59] Kid
    Mister!
[11:01] Mad
    Kid...
[11:02] Mad
    No, people of Edo.
[11:05] Mad
    Even if you're surrounded by
    despair, keep your eyes open.
[11:08] Mad
    As long as you do,
[11:11] Mad
    you'll find hope lying around everywhere.
[11:15] Kid
    Uh, you're the one lying on the ground!
[11:19] A
    Okay, that should be enough.
[11:22] A
    What do we do with him?
[11:24] A
    Throw him in a cell or something.
[11:26] A
    Sir!
[11:31] Mad
    Um, didn't you hear me? I asked you to...
    ow, ow, ow... take me to your HQ...
[11:37] A
    And why should we do that?
[11:39] Mad
    I mean, I'm from the Immigration Bureau!
[11:42] A
    Where's your ID?
[11:43] Mad
    Well, we're closed right now,
    so I don't have it on me.
[11:45] A
    Okay, take him away.
[11:47] Mad
    Wait, wait, wait!
[11:49] Mad
    Look, that kid's staring at me.
[11:51] Mad
    He's watching the guy who was ranting
    about hope fall into despair in an instant!
[11:56] Mad
    Spare a thought for him, would
    you? Spare me, would you?
[11:59] Mad
    Take a hint, would you?!
[12:01] A
    Nobody asked you to save him.
[12:03] Mad
    I'll kowtow to you later!
    I'll lick your shoes or whatever!
[12:07] Mad
    Could you let me into your HQ,
    even if it's just the tip?
[12:10] A
    Uh, you're basically kowtowing already.
[12:12] Kid
    M-Mister!
[12:13] Mad
    Don't look at me like that!
[12:16] Mad
    Close your eyes and never open them again!
[12:19] A
    Weren't you telling him to
    keep his eyes open earlier?
[12:22] But
    This planet is as noisy as ever.
[12:24] Baka
    Maybe a chimpanzee broke out of the zoo.
[12:28] Baka
    The animals here might go
    down with the planet soon.
[12:33] Baka
    I want to pick up some of
    the rare species for myself.
[12:35] Baka
    Hey, you guys over there.
[12:38] Baka
    Let me take a look at that chimpanzee.
[12:50] Oto
    What's this about?
[12:52] Oto
    I'm sorry to say, but we don't get any
    customers as loaded as the Tendoshu.
[12:56] Oto
    Only stinky, flat-broke old men.
[12:59] Tama
    If we don't give them all the
    money, goods, and food we have,
[13:02] Tama
    they say they'll consider us the
    Tendoshu's minions and destroy the bar.
[13:05] Cat
    "Liberation Army," my ass!
    You guys are just thieves!
[13:08] Cat
    Otose-san's fortune belongs to me!
[13:11] Oto
    Uh, you're the thief here.
[13:12] A
    Securing supplies in a combat zone
    is established practice during war.
[13:16] A
    If you say you're not willing
    to cooperate with our effort,
[13:19] A
    we'll simply take everything by force.
[13:21] A
    This town seems to have a
    lot of hard-headed folk.
[13:25] A
    Might be easier to destroy it all.
[13:28] Tae
    You people—
[13:31] Oto
    Take whatever you want. But it'd be nice
    if you could leave my smokes alone.
[13:36] Tae
    Otose-san!
[13:37] Oto
    It's fine.
[13:39] Oto
    Even if it's empty, as long as
    you're in it, it's still their home.
[13:44] A
    Oh, really?
[13:53] A
    We never cared about this filthy bar, anyway.
SIGN    Gin-chan
[13:57] A
    But it'll make a good example to show
    others what happens if they defy us.
[14:01] A
    We don't need anything
    other than these girls.
[14:04] A
    They'll provide some nice R&R for our
    men who are worn out from this long war.
[14:10] Cat
    You bastards!
[14:12] Cat
    Are you saying I'm trash like this granny?!
[14:15] Oto
    That's your problem?!
[14:16] A
    Move your feet. We're leaving.
[14:21] Tae
    Odd Jobs...
[14:24] Tae
    Everyone's wishes...
SIGN    Job Request
[14:34] Gin
    We've got you covered.
[14:38] Gin
    Your request has been duly received.
[14:42] Shin
    What does it involve?
[14:43] Kag
    Doesn't matter what.
[14:45] Gin
    From walking your dog to keeping Earth safe,
[14:49] Gin
    we Odd Jobs will do anything.
SIGN    Try As You Might to Make a Natural Perm
    Go Away, It Will Always Return
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Silver Soul
[16:30] Oto
    Boy, you sure kept us waiting.
[16:33] Oto
    I'd like to say "welcome home,"
[16:36] Oto
    but you took so long
[16:38] Oto
    that you no longer have a home.
[16:43] Gin
    Don't worry about it.
[16:44] Gin
    We'll take it all back,
[16:47] Gin
    so let us say it anyway.
[16:50] All
    We're back.
[16:56] Gin
    Hey, I dunno if you're heroes or villains,
[17:01] Gin
    but it looks like you did a number
    on this town while we were away.
[17:05] Gin
    Don't you know?
[17:07] Gin
    When entering somebody else's
    home in this country,
[17:09] Gin
    both good and evil people
    take off their shoes.
[17:13] Gin
    It's considered basic etiquette.
SIGN    Gin-chan
[17:17] Gin
    Get your filthy feet off of that sign.
[17:21] Gin
    Don't enter my country with your stinky feet!
[17:26] A
    Your country doesn't exist anymore!
[17:36] Gin
    What's wrong, O Great Liberation Army?
[17:38] Gin
    You can destroy the terminal,
[17:40] Gin
    but you can't break the
    terminal in my crotch?
[17:43] Gin
    You won't take Earth like this!
[17:45] Gin
    Do you have it in you to break them all?
[17:49] Gin
    Everyone in this country, from
    cabaret girls to robotic ones,
[17:52] Gin
    has a big terminal in their pants!
[17:56] Bo
    Like hell we do!
[17:57] Gin
    D-Due to an unexpected breakdown,
[18:00] Gin
    this terminal will be suspending
    operations for the day.
[18:04] Shin
    Serves you right.
[18:05] Kag
    Quit dawdling about!
[18:07] Kag
    Abandon the damaged facilities!
    Evacuate at once!
[18:10] Shin
    It broke! A problem child's
    terminal snapped it in half!
[18:13] A
    Don't let them escape!
[18:14] A
    Shoot them dead!
[18:18] Gen
    You shitheads are finally back!
SIGN    Gen
[18:22] Gen
    I've tuned up all the robots.
[18:25] Gen
    A planetary war or a One Year War,
    I'm fighting with you, Ginnoji.
[18:29] Gin
    Your Ginnoji's b*lls got stuck in the tracks.
SIGN    Ginnoji
[18:32] Gin
    He's just Ginnji now.
SIGN    Ginnji
[18:34] Gen
    What, you're already out of gas?
[18:37] Gen
    Do you know how long I've
    waited for this moment?
[18:43] Gen
    The party's only just getting started!
[18:46] Oto
    Sheesh. This is why men are so hopeless.
[18:50] Oto
    You've got a look of pure joy on
    your face at a time like this.
[18:54] Oto
    It's like the person you waited
    for forever has returned.
[19:00] Gen
    Shut it, hag. My son doesn't have a perm.
[19:03] Oto
    I never said anything about your son.
[19:05] Gen
    And you're one to talk.
[19:07] Gen
    Your house just got leveled,
    but that look on your face...
[19:10] Oto
    Just so you know, my husband
    doesn't look that stupid.
[19:15] Gen
    Right.
[19:16] Gen
    But if my son and your husband
    were still living in this town,
[19:22] Gen
    they'd probably have the same
    look on their faces as us.
[19:37] Gen
    Really, this is how the
    Kabuki District's gotta be!
[19:43] A
    What do you knaves think you're doing?!
[19:46] A
    Do you realize who we are?
[19:49] A
    We're the Liberation Army, here to
    save you from the Tendoshu's clutches!
[19:55] Sai
    Liberation? Mind your own business.
[19:58] Sai
    We don't need your help.
[20:01] Sai
    As you can see...
[20:02] Ago
    ...we've always lived freely!
[20:05] A
    Wh-What are those monsters?
[20:07] 73
    You can say some good things
    once in a while, Saigo!
[20:12] 73
    Exactly!
[20:14] 73
    We're free people of this town of freedom!
[20:16] 73
    Be it shakin' off the Tendoshu's rule,
[20:19] 73
    brushin' aside the shady helping
    hand of the Liberation Army,
[20:23] 73
    or goin' to the hospital, we're
    free to do whatever we want!
[20:26] G
    Bro!
[20:27] G
    That's what you get for trying to compete
    with Saigo and jumping from that high!
[20:30] Shin
    Saigo-san! Katsuo-san!
[20:33] Sai
    You've really sent the sparks flying, Pako.
[20:36] Sai
    But I've been waiting for this.
[20:38] Sai
    The Kabuki District really isn't
    complete without morons like you guys.
[20:42] 73
    You're puttin' us yakuza to
    shame with this reckless fight.
[20:45] 73
    Boss left this town in our hands,
    but we're losin' all face here!
[20:48] Sai
    You're picking a big fight
    with the entire universe.
[20:51] 73
    Got any chance of winnin'?
[20:53] Gin
    Hell no.
[20:55] Gin
    Even if we all fight together,
    there's no way we can win.
[21:00] Gin
    That's why we're gonna stop this war.
[21:02] Gin
    Sure, we'll still have to win a fight anyway,
[21:07] Gin
    but only a verbal one.
[21:12] G
    The samurai are revolting?
[21:14] G
    Are they out of their minds?
[21:16] G
    Do those apes really think they
    can beat the allied forces?
[21:19] G
    They must have gotten fed up
    with the army's pillaging.
[21:22] G
    I suppose we gave the
    soldiers too much leeway.
[21:25] G
    But this is perfect.
[21:27] G
    We planned on taking over Earth
    after destroying the Agency anyway.
[21:31] G
    And now we have just cause to
    get rid of those annoying apes.
[21:34] G
    Pardon me.
[21:35] G
    What is it? We're in the
    middle of a meeting here.
[21:37] G
    An Earth government has sent an envoy.
[21:40] G
    Government? They still had one of those?
[21:44] G
    Are they here to apologize?
[21:45] G
    W-Well...
[21:47] Sak
    Yikes. That's one hell of a way
    ta welcome unarmed guests.
[21:52] Kat
    Indeed.
[21:53] Kat
    You're betraying your leader's
    lack of magnanimity.
[21:57] Kat
    Lower your weapons! This is an affront!
[21:59] Sak
    Who do you think this man is?
[22:02] Kat
    This is Lord Tokugawa Nobunobu,
    shogun of a nation!
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Preview
[23:42] Sak
    Even if Earth is in peril,
    a trader's gotta do business.
[23:46] Nbnb
    As representative of Earth's people, there
    is something I must discuss with you.
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
SIGN    Flavoring Is Best in Small Quantities
[23:53] SignR
    The shogun, Tokugawa Nobunobu, was supposed to be a bitter enemy.
[23:53] SignL
    What lies behind his tense expression...
[23:58] SignR
    Schemes run rampant both on the surface and in space.
[23:58] SignL
    Even a new character appears.

E343 - Flavoring Is Best in Small Quantities

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Silver Soul
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
SIGN    Flavoring Is Best in Small Quantities
[01:40] Kat
    Utsuro made the Altana reserves of seven
    planets go berserk, destroying them.
[01:45] Kat
    His true goal was to use the Altana
    Liberation Army and turn Earth...
[01:51] Kat
    into space dust.
[01:53] Kat
    So our job is to...
[01:55] Kat
    Pass the soy sauce, please.
[01:57] Sak
    I see. Soy sauce, eh?
SIGN    Watch the Silver Soul Arc in a bright room
    and at a safe distance from your TV!!
[01:59] Sak
    And what do we do once
    we control the soy sauce?
[02:02] Kat
    Fire it all at once toward
    the croquette, obviously.
[02:04] Sak
    Zura, trickery only works when
    you also use traditional tactics.
[02:08] Sak
    Croquettes are better with
    Worcestershire sauce.
[02:11] Kat
    A samurai can eat anything as long
    as he has salt and soy sauce.
[02:14] Kat
    It's because you get influenced by foreign
    culture and use katakana seasoning
[02:17] Kat
    that you get called "idiot"
    and "moron" in katakana.
[02:20] Sak
    Zura, croquettes themselves
    are written in katakana.
[02:23] Sak
    Ain't it common sense to use katakana
    seasoning on katakana foods?
[02:27] Kat
    It's not that simple.
[02:29] Kat
    The katakana Yu Darvish and
    his wife Saeko didn't work out,
[02:32] Kat
    but things worked out great for
    Nishikawa Kiyoshi and Helen.
[02:35] Kat
    The world works in strange ways.
[02:37] Sak
    As lovey-dovey as Kiyoshi and his wife seem,
    they must've had tons of difficulties.
[02:42] Kat
    No way. It's obvious from Helen's smile.
[02:44] Sak
    Have you seen Saeko's smile, then?
[02:47] Kat
    What the hell do you know about Helen?
[02:49] Sak
    What do you know about Saeko's suffering?!
[02:52] Kat
    Say what?
[02:53] Shin
    That shtick is particularly irritating
    when you consider that Earth is in peril.
[02:56] Gin
    Right? Makes you wanna destroy Earth, right?
[02:59] Gin
    Long story short, both Helen
    and Saeko did their best.
[03:02] Gin
    And to save Earth, defeating
    Utsuro ain't enough.
[03:06] Gin
    We also have to stop the war that he started.
[03:10] Gin
    Let's say...
[03:11] Gin
    Earth is this croquette, and the maple
    syrup on top is the Liberation Army.
[03:16] Gin
    The pocky stuck in the middle is Utsuro...
[03:18] Shin
    Uh, the syrup packs too much
    punch. I can't follow at all.
[03:21] Kag
    How confusing. Basically, it's like this.
[03:25] Kag
    The croquette here is Earth.
[03:27] Kag
    All the gastric acid attacking
    it is the Liberation Army.
[03:30] Shin
    Pretty sure Earth's done
    for here. It's been eaten.
[03:33] Shin
    Could you stop likening it to a croquette?
SIGN    It's like this, right?
[03:38] Shin
    What the hell did you eat?!
[03:39] Shin
    That's Korokke the actor, not croquette!
[03:41] Mut
    That's just how it is.
[03:43] Mut
    We can't even agree on how to eat croquettes.
[03:47] Mut
    So we should just eat it however we like,
    with whatever seasoning we like.
[03:50] Mut
    In other words,
[03:51] Mut
    no different from how it's always been.
[03:53] Shin
    Even as you say that, your belly's
    swollen with croquettes!
[03:56] Shin
    You really are a Yato, huh?
[03:59] Sak
    Even if Earth is in peril,
    a trader's gotta do business.
[04:04] Shin
    Business?
[04:05] Sak
    We're gonna negotiate
    with the Liberation Army.
[04:07] Sak
    For that, we need ta take the
    Tendoshu and Utsuro's heads first.
[04:12] Sak
    We'll sell those heads
    to the Liberation Army.
[04:14] Sak
    In return, we'll buy Earth's future.
[04:18] Kat
    Will that really stop the war?
[04:20] Kat
    They're fixated on Earth itself, you know.
[04:24] Gin
    That's exactly why we have to do it.
[04:27] Gin
    We have to show the entire universe that
    Earthlings have the power to defend Earth from
[04:34] Gin
    the Tendoshu and the Liberation Army.
[04:36] Gin
    Or else, Earth doesn't have a future.
[04:39] Kat
    Even so,
[04:41] Kat
    is it even possible to bring
    them to the negotiating table?
[04:44] Kat
    Do you really think they'll
    listen to nobodies like us?
[04:51] Nb
    Oh, they will.
[04:55] Nb
    If they hear that you're not rebels
    who turned against the bakufu,
[04:59] Nb
    but Shogun Tokugawa Nobunobu's official army.
[05:03] Shin
    Lord Nobunobu?!
[05:05] Sak
    What's this, Shogun-sama?
[05:08] Sak
    You're finally willin' to touch
    the space food that Gran cooked?
[05:13] Nb
    Give me another croquette.
[05:15] G
    Sir!
[05:16] Nb
    As pathetic as the food may be,
[05:18] Nb
    one can't fight on an empty stomach.
    You're the one who told me that.
[05:23] Nb
    Take me with you.
[05:25] Nb
    If you do, the Liberation Army
    will treat you as Earth's envoys.
[05:30] Kag
    You're telling us to become your retainers?!
[05:32] Kag
    Keep the jokes to your crew cut, okay?!
[05:35] Shin
    Kagura-chan!
[05:38] Nb
    A man who became shogun by being
    a puppet has no retainers.
[05:44] Nb
    But even if I'm an empty figurehead,
    I can still use the title of shogun.
[05:49] Nb
    Let me at least choose for myself
    my final act as a puppet.
[05:53] Kat
    After being a puppet all your life,
    now you'll willingly choose to act as one?
[06:00] Kat
    Are you trying to atone for your sins?
[06:02] Kat
    No matter how hard you try,
    we'll never forget what you've done.
[06:07] Nb
    I won't forget, either.
[06:09] Nb
    All an empty shogun can do is take in all
    of his subjects' sorrow, hatred, and hopes,
[06:16] Nb
    and watch how things play out until the end.
[06:21] Nb
    Hey.
[06:23] Nb
    This is how one is supposed
    to eat croquettes, I take it?
[06:47] G
    Thank you for coming, Shogun-dono.
[06:50] G
    So, what can we do for you?
[06:53] Nb
    As representative of Earth's people,
    there is something I must discuss with you.
[07:06] Nb
    Can I use your toilet?
[07:11] Kat
    And that was how the first contact between
    us and the Liberation Army went.
[07:15] Kat
    They really cannot be taken lightly.
[07:17] Kat
    You don't even have to wipe your ass
[07:19] Kat
    with this terrifying technology called
    "washlet" that they've developed.
[07:22] Shin
    What the hell are you guys negotiating?!
[07:24] Kat
    Because you guys put all sorts
    of stuff on his croquettes,
[07:27] Kat
    it seems he's had an upset
    stomach for the past three days.
[07:30] Shin
    That doesn't mean that after
    barging into the enemy's base,
[07:33] Shin
    you borrow their toilet
    and call it a done deal!
[07:34] Kat
    Relax. It wasn't just their
    toilet that we borrowed.
SIGN    Abarenbo Shogun
[07:37] Kat
    We also borrowed sweats and underwear.
[07:39] Shin
    So he pooped his pants after all?
[07:41] Kat
    We also borrowed Inpendence
    Day and S* Wars.
[07:45] Shin
    Why were you at Zudaya?
    Why were you guys in sweats, too?!
[07:47] Kat
    We really can't take the
    Liberation Army lightly.
[07:50] Kat
    They even have lodging facilities
    and Zudaya on their mother ship.
[07:53] Kat
    But we're preparing for tomorrow
    by watching S*** Wars.
[07:56] Kat
    We shan't lose.
[07:57] Shin
    You've already lost!
[07:58] Shin
    The moment you decided to prepare using
    a video you borrowed from the enemy,
[08:01] Shin
    the Earth was doomed!
[08:02] Kat
    The real negotiations start tomorrow.
[08:04] Kat
    Our battle has only just begun.
[08:06] Kat
    How are things on your end?
[08:08] Shin
    While you guys were watching S*** Wars,
    actual s*** wars broke out over here.
[08:13] Shin
    In the name of saving Earth,
[08:15] Shin
    the Liberation Army was looting
    and pillaging everything.
[08:18] Shin
    Citizens all over Edo are
    revolting to put an end to this.
[08:24] 73
    Is this all the Liberation Army's got?
[08:27] 73
    I thought they'd entertain us, but they
    ran away as soon as we poked 'em a little.
[08:31] 73
    Yuki-chan of the Iai YankWank Pub
    I frequent is much more liberatin'.
[08:37] Sai
    You don't understand a thing.
[08:40] Sai
    Did you learn nothing from watching Jirocho?
[08:42] 73
    Boss is a master of iai yanking too, y'know?
[08:45] Sai
    Shut up.
[08:46] Kyo
    The Liberation Army must've quickly
    retreated because it was their plan all along.
[08:51] Tet
    Now they can say they're suppressing a riot
    and go all-out to take control of Edo.
[08:56] HB
    Can't wait.
SIGN    Can't wait. The real fun starts now, huh?
[08:58] HB
    The real fun starts now, huh?
[09:01] Sai
    In unarmed combat, I don't think
    even gods or devils could beat me.
[09:06] Sai
    But we're up against people who can wipe
    out an entire town if they feel like it.
[09:11] Sai
    They've pummeled me—the
    Saigo—and Jirocho once already.
[09:15] Sai
    How are we supposed to beat them?
[09:19] Gen
    I'll handle the fighting with machines part.
[09:21] Gen
    You morons can fight your
    own moronic battles.
[09:25] Oto
    This makes me happy.
[09:26] Oto
    I never thought I'd live long enough
    to see another massive fight like this.
[09:30] Oto
    I'm looking forward to you
    guys avenging my husband.
[09:38] Sai
    The geezers and hags of this town
    are scarier than gods or devils!
[09:42] W
    Everyone,
[09:43] W
    thanks for keeping watch.
[09:45] Tae
    We've brought refreshments!
[09:47] Tae
    Help yourselves—
[09:50] Shin
    Under the Four Devas' leadership,
[09:52] Shin
    the Kabuki District is preparing for
    the Liberation Army's next move.
[09:52] Shin
    Come, now, don't be shy. Eat up.
[09:57] Shin
    As for Kyubei-san and
    the rest of the Yagyu...
[10:00] Kyu
    It doesn't matter if you're a man or a woman.
[10:03] Kyu
    Those who're capable of
    fighting and those who aren't
[10:05] Kyu
    should both just do everything they can.
[10:09] Kyu
    If we all come together as one, I'm
    sure we can overcome any adversity!
[10:14] Kyu
    We, the Yagyu Family,
    will protect you to the last!
[10:18] Kyu
    So would you all protect our country with us?
[10:21] Bin
    How you've grown, Kyubei.
[10:24] Toj
    Young Master! I'm sure your mother
    is watching your heroics in heaven!
[10:28] G
    We can help! Use us!
[10:31] W
    Me, too!
[10:32] W
    And us!
[10:32] G
    And me!
[10:34] Kyu
    Thank you. Thank you.
[10:36] Kyu
    Tha...
[10:42] Shin
    While calling for the people to rise up,
[10:44] Shin
    they seem to be trying to
    solidify the various groups.
[10:48] Shin
    And then there's...
[10:52] Sac
    How's the Liberation Army looking?
[10:55] G
    Unable to handle the public's
    resistance, they've retreated for now.
[10:59] Sac
    So they're preparing to crush
    Edo once and for all.
[11:03] Sac
    Let all of Edo know and guide
    the people to the shelters.
[11:07] G
    Understood.
[11:09] Sac
    What about the other thing?
[11:11] G
    Haven't found him yet.
[11:12] Sac
    I see.
[11:14] Sac
    Very well. Dismissed.
[11:19] Sac
    What is he doing?
[11:22] Shin
    Sacchan-san and the Oniwaban
[11:24] Shin
    are keeping an eye on the Liberation Army.
[11:26] Shin
    Tsukuyo-san and gang are...
[11:27] G
    No!
[11:29] G
    I don't wanna be sold to Yoshiwara!
[11:31] G
    You people are monsters!
[11:34] G
    Even if you take my body,
    you won't have my heart!
[11:34] Hya
    You don't have to work
    here. Just take refuge.
[11:36] G
    Shut it, fugly!
[11:37] Hya
    Who're you calling fugly, you hag?!
[11:39] G
    What's wrong with calling a fugly a fugly?!
[11:41] Hin
    How ironic.
[11:43] Hin
    That thick ceiling, which once kept us
    Yoshiwara women locked up underground,
[11:48] Hin
    is now acting as a truly reliable shield.
[11:51] Hin
    I thought I'd never see
    this metallic sky again.
[11:55] Hin
    It looks completely
    different now, doesn't it?
[11:58] Hin
    Is it because we know we're
    connected, even if it's shut?
[12:02] Hin
    Connected to the skies over
    Edo, where everyone is.
[12:05] Tsu
    Yeah.
[12:07] Tsu
    So we should fight, too,
[12:09] Tsu
    along with the ones who live
    under the same skies as us.
[12:15] Shin
    Katsura-san.
[12:17] Shin
    Make sure the Liberation Army knows
[12:20] Shin
    that we will never lose.
[12:34] Shin
    Katsura-san.
[12:35] Shin
    Make sure the Liberation Army knows
[12:38] Shin
    that we will never lose.
[12:44] Shin
    There you have it.
[12:46] Shin
    These people aren't rioters.
[12:48] Shin
    Earthlings rose up to stop the Liberation
    Army's looting and savagery.
[12:53] Shin
    If your soldiers back off, so will they.
[12:56] G
    We were trying to liberate you from
    the Tendoshu's rule, you know.
[13:01] G
    You call that savagery?
[13:03] Sak
    It was savagery.
[13:05] Sak
    We samurai prefer ta wipe our own asses
    and clean up our own messes.
[13:08] Sak
    And you stole our prey from us.
[13:13] G
    You mean to say you'll deal with
    the Tendoshu without our help?
[13:16] G
    Like you can—
[13:18] Nb
    They can.
[13:20] Nb
    They put me through hell,
    so I know it better than anyone.
[13:24] Nb
    A word of advice:
[13:26] Nb
    do not get on their bad side.
[13:28] Nb
    Also...
[13:31] Nb
    Can I use your toil—
[13:34] Sak
    Just clench your butt.
[13:36] Kat
    This is do-or-die for both Earth and you.
[13:41] Shu
    Oh?
[13:43] Shu
    You seem to have a very favorable
    opinion of your subjects.
[13:47] Shu
    But we can't back down, either.
[13:51] Kat
    Admiral Shijaku.
[13:53] Kat
    A primary player in the
    Liberation Army's formation,
[13:56] Kat
    and a master of fleet warfare.
[13:58] Kat
    A big shot has shown up.
[14:00] Nb
    A big one's going to show up here, too!
[14:03] Shi
    The Tendoshu aren't your
    country's problem alone.
[14:07] Shi
    Many planets that were home to
    my comrades here were destroyed.
[14:11] Shi
    Ending the Agency's long rule
[14:14] Shi
    and taking back our freedom in this battle
[14:17] Shi
    is the greatest wish of people all across
    the universe, and our biggest challenge.
[14:21] Shi
    Shouldn't we take one another's
    hand and deal with this together?
[14:28] Shi
    The Tokugawa Bakufu is a puppet regime
    that the Tendoshu controlled for ages.
[14:33] Shi
    I thought they'd been rendered spineless.
[14:35] Shi
    I never expected them to come this far.
[14:38] Shi
    But his fear is clear for all to see.
[14:41] Shi
    He can't assert his country's will if it
    turns the entire universe against them.
[14:47] Shi
    Nobody can.
[14:50] Shi
    Can we take your lack of response
    as a sign that you accept us?
[14:58] Nb
    What do you think freedom is?
[15:00] Nb
    Does the freedom you people seek
[15:03] Nb
    mean benefiting even if you have to
    take away the freedom of other planets?
[15:08] Nb
    The freedom we samurai seek
    is a much higher standard.
[15:13] Nb
    True freedom is
[15:17] Nb
    being able to go to the
    toilet whenever you want!
[15:22] Sak
    Poop whenever you want.
[15:24] Kat
    I have a change of Pampers ready for you.
[15:28] Shi
    He's still keeping up his
    headstrong attitude?
[15:33] G
    Does that mean you consider the
    Liberation Army your enemie—
[15:36] Nb
    Enough!
[15:38] Nb
    Don't make me repeat myself over and over!
[15:41] Nb
    We'll take down the Tendoshu ourselves.
[15:44] Nb
    If you want to help, feel free.
[15:46] Nb
    But if you want to mess with our
    country in the name of helping,
[15:49] Nb
    we'll take you down as well!
[15:50] Nb
    Okay! That's it! We're done here!
[15:54] Shi
    Forget asking for help. He ended
    the negotiations himself.
[15:58] Shi
    Is it not fear he's showing, then?
    No, it most definitely is fear.
[16:02] Shi
    But that's...
[16:05] Sak
    Not yet.
[16:06] Kat
    Spew everything here,
    and not just from your butt.
[16:10] Shi
    That's a fear directed at something else.
[16:13] Shi
    Wait, Shogun-dono!
[16:14] Nb
    Knock it off already!
[16:17] Nb
    If you keep me here any longer,
[16:21] Nb
    I just might end up launching it.
[16:25] G
    L-Launching?!
[16:27] G
    You!
[16:28] G
    Y-You couldn't have!
[16:30] G
    Freeze!
[16:33] G
    This is all futile. It's too late.
[16:37] G
    Nobody can stop it anymore. Not even me.
[16:41] G
    What are you packing?
[16:43] G
    What are you planning to launch?
[16:45] G
    Time-based missiles?
    Interplanetary ballistic missiles?
[16:48] G
    Answer!
[16:49] Kat
    Nope.
[16:50] Sak
    It's poop.
[16:51] Nb
    The ones who forced me to do this
[16:55] Nb
    were none other than you lot!
[16:57] Shi
    Calm down, everyone.
[16:59] G
    Admiral.
[17:00] Shi
    So that's what you were so afraid of.
[17:03] Shi
    You planned on using it as
    your trump card all along?
[17:07] Nb
    I sent you several warning signs.
[17:10] Nb
    Not my fault you lot didn't notice them.
[17:13] Shi
    So it was an ace in the hole you
    would've preferred not to use?
[17:17] Shi
    What will happen if it's launched?
[17:20] Shi
    Is the target this S.S. Heavenly Bird?
[17:22] Nb
    Isn't that obvious? It's simple.
[17:26] Nb
    No amount of asswiping will ever clear
    the disgrace it'll bring my name.
[17:29] Nb
    And future generations won't ever forget it.
[17:31] G
    A weapon that'll even affect
    future generations?
[17:34] G
    It must be...
[17:36] Bo
    A nuke!
[17:37] Kat
    Nope.
[17:38] Sak
    It's poop.
[17:39] G
    I-Impossible!
[17:40] G
    We thoroughly investigated the ships they
    arrived in! They're still under watch!
[17:44] G
    The Army should have control
    of Earth's main weapons, too.
[17:46] G
    Where did you keep something
    like that hidden?
[17:49] Nb
    Three minutes until launch.
[17:51] Nb
    One, two, three...
[17:55] Nb
    Run away from here immediately!
[17:58] G
    Is it inside his stomach?
[18:00] Shi
    I've heard that Earth samurai
    have weapons in their bellies.
[18:05] Nb
    Fifteen, sixteen, seventeen...
[18:05] Shi
    Apparently, that weapon they're prepared
    to die to use is as powerful as a nuke.
[18:11] Shi
    I see.
[18:13] Shi
    So this is the samurai's lethal weapon,
[18:16] Shi
    disembowelment!
[18:17] Kat
    Nope.
[18:18] Sak
    It's a bowel movement.
[18:19] G
    Disembowelment? Wh-What is that?
[18:23] Shi
    I don't know exactly,
    but guessing from his stance,
[18:27] Shi
    it's a weapon that converts whatever's
    in his stomach into energy
[18:30] Shi
    and fires it out of his butt.
[18:33] Kat
    Uh, that's pretty much...
[18:35] Sak
    It's poop.
[18:36] G
    How can we stop it?
[18:38] Shi
    I don't know how exactly,
[18:40] Shi
    but taking in fiber and the
    like to clear the bowels
[18:45] Shi
    should mitigate its impact.
[18:47] Kat
    Uh, that's exactly...
[18:49] Sak
    It's poop.
[18:50] G
    I-It's a bluff!
[18:52] G
    No way can he launch something as powerful
    as a nuke from this stupid pose.
[18:56] G
    Seize him!
[18:57] Nb
    No!
[18:58] Nb
    Not there!
[19:02] G
    J-Just getting close made them...
[19:04] G
    It's the real deal!
[19:05] G
    It's a real disembowelment!
[19:07] Shi
    Evacuate at once!
[19:09] Shi
    Issue a level one alarm!
[19:11] Shi
    Get away from S.S. Heavenly
    Bird at full speed!
[19:17] G
    A-Admiral?
[19:18] G
    What are you doing?
[19:19] Shi
    Hurry up and go.
[19:21] Shi
    I cannot abandon my ship.
[19:23] G
    Admiral!
[19:25] Shi
    It seems I underestimated you earthlings.
[19:29] Shi
    I never expected you to be prepared to
    kill yourself for these negotiations.
[19:33] Shi
    Your resolve was splendid.
[19:36] Shi
    I was lacking in proper etiquette.
[19:38] Shi
    When someone risks their
    life to challenge you,
[19:41] Shi
    my planet's etiquette dictates that you
    must respond by risking your own life.
[19:45] Shi
    I too shall risk my life
[19:49] Shi
    to put an end to this pointless conflict.
[19:52] Shi
    The real negotiations start now!
[19:57] G
    Is that a counter-disembowelment?
[19:58] G
    What the heck is a counter-disembowelment?
[20:00] G
    I don't know exactly, but
    when the enemy fires his,
[20:03] G
    he'll probably fire his own
    disembowelment to neutralize it.
[20:06] G
    Can the admiral really use disembowelment?
[20:09] G
    I don't know, but...
[20:11] Shi
    Whoa!
[20:13] Shi
    I feel like I can release
    something right now!
[20:16] Shi
    Is this... Is this...
[20:20] Kat
    Nope.
[20:21] Sak
    It's poop.
[20:36] G
    Admiral?
[20:37] G
    What's the matter, Admiral?
[20:39] G
    What happened?
[20:42] Shi
    Uh, can I ask you something?
[20:46] Shi
    What exactly is disembowelment?
[20:50] Nb
    Dunno.
[20:51] Shi
    Of course you don't!
[20:52] Shi
    I knew all along! There's no
    way it could've been true!
[20:57] Shi
    Well, the guys don't seem
    to have realized yet,
[21:01] Shi
    so please don't tell them, okay?
[21:04] Nb
    Very well. But in return...
[21:07] Shi
    I know. I'll talk to the others
    and make the negotiations easier.
[21:12] Nb
    No, before that...
[21:14] KatSak
    Could you let him use your toilet?
[21:22] KatSak
    Go dump as much as you want.
[21:30] Kat
    These negotiations temporarily softened
    the Liberation Army's stance.
SIGN    Well done.
[21:35] Kat
    A peaceful resolution to the riots
[21:37] Kat
    and greater discipline from the
    army were among the promises made,
[21:40] Kat
    but we couldn't get them to withdraw
    their troops stationed on Earth.
[21:44] Kat
    But our biggest gain this time
[21:47] Kat
    might be the reliable friend we
    made in the Liberation Army.
[21:52] Shi
    Don't tell anyone.
SIGN    Abarenbo Admiral
[21:53] Nb
    Right back at you.
SIGN    Abarenbo Shogun
[21:54] Shi
    It's a promise, okay?
[21:56] Nb
    You keep your promise too, okay?
[21:58] Kat
    That's about it.
[21:59] Kat
    We couldn't stop the war, but it
    wasn't bad for a first meeting.
[22:03] Kat
    Well? How'd you like our negotiation skills?
[22:08] Shin
    Uh, it was poop.
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Preview
[23:44] Shi
    That's a real disembowelment, huh?
[23:48] Gin
    If we don't defeat them, this will never end.
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
SIGN    A Delinquent's Kid Has Long Neck Hair
SIGN    Sorry it was
SIGN    pretty much poop.
SIGN    Next time, the biggest fish, Utsuro, shows up.
SIGN    Another new character appears, too.

E344 - A Delinquent's Kid Has Long Neck Hair

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:05] Shi
    I know you must be homesick this time.
[00:10] Shi
    I hear your wife back home
    is close to giving birth.
[00:14] Shi
    If you have the time to engage in particle
    cannon fire with neighboring countries,
[00:18] Shi
    why don't you stay by your wife
    and do Lamaze with her?
[00:21] Shi
    Or is the mighty hero of war
    afraid of becoming a father?
[00:27] Shi
    How about it, Gunpowder Prince Ensho?
[00:31] En
    Shijaku, in Military Empire Burei,
[00:35] En
    custom says a man who returns empty-handed
    from war cannot be a father.
[00:38] En
    His wife will kick his ass and
    send him back to the battlefield.
[00:43] En
    My wife is fighting, too.
[00:45] En
    I was told that we're competing to see
    which of us can claim victory sooner.
[00:49] Shi
    Then, as your archrival, I must fight
    in a manner befitting your resolve.
[00:54] En
    Archrival? As if.
[00:57] En
    Your head will be nothing more than
    a nice toy for my child to play with.
[01:00] G
    Prince!
[01:01] G
    We've received word from Burei.
[01:04] Shi
    It seems your wife emerged victorious.
[01:09] Shi
    What's the matter, Ensho?
[01:15] G
    The Empire's Altana Gate went out of control.
[01:20] G
    The cause was likely man-made.
[01:23] G
    The Imperial Capital has been destroyed.
[01:25] G
    Nobody survived.
[01:34] En
    For the first time, I fled from war
    and came back empty-handed.
[01:38] En
    But the one who would chastise me
    for that was nowhere to be found.
[01:44] En
    Why did you sit back and let me escape?
[01:47] En
    Why didn't you take this
    chance to attack my empire?
[01:50] Shi
    Like I said,
[01:52] Shi
    I must fight in a manner befitting
    the Gunpowder Prince's archrival.
[01:57] Shi
    And I realized that the enemy isn't in
    the neighboring countries, but elsewhere.
[02:02] En
    The Gunpowder Prince?
[02:04] En
    You still call me that
    after I've lost my empire?
[02:08] Shi
    Ensho...
[02:10] Shi
    You didn't come back empty-handed.
[02:14] Shi
    You've gained a comrade to fight
    the Tendoshu's unjust rule with.
[02:21] En
    Even after losing my empire,
[02:23] En
    I still belong on the battlefield?
[02:27] En
    Then from that battlefield,
[02:29] En
    from within the gunpowder
    smoke, let us seize it all!
[02:33] En
    Seize our freedom!
[02:34] En
    We, the Altana Liberation Army, shall
    liberate the universe from the Tendoshu!
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Silver Soul
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
SIGN    A Delinquent's Kid Has Long Neck Hair
SIGN    Watch the Silver Soul Arc in a bright room
    and at a safe distance from your TV!!
SIGN    Shimura Ken
[04:25] Shin
    I knew it.
[04:27] Shin
    You were here, Sis.
[04:31] Shin
    It isn't safe to walk around alone right now.
[04:34] Tae
    But that's exactly why.
[04:36] Shin
    Are you going to tell Father
    that Earth will be destroyed?
SIGN    Shimura Ken
[04:42] Tae
    Yeah.
[04:43] Tae
    "Earth could be destroyed."
[04:46] Tae
    "But your crybaby son,
    my unreliable kid brother,
[04:52] Tae
    hasn't shed a single tear and is
    fighting along with everyone."
[04:58] Tae
    "Shimura Shinpachi has grown
    into a fine samurai."
[05:04] Shin
    Sis, I haven't changed at all.
[05:09] Shin
    I just blindly chased after the back of
    the strange samurai I saw back then.
[05:14] Shin
    I kept chasing after it,
[05:17] Shin
    and I was here before I knew it.
[05:20] Shin
    All that stuff about saving Earth or
    protecting Edo is really beyond me.
[05:25] Shin
    It's not that I changed.
[05:28] Shin
    I didn't want to change.
[05:30] Shin
    I just wanted to stay by the strange
    samurai and his friends forever.
[05:36] Shin
    Do you think Father will forgive me for
    wielding my sword for such a reason?
[05:43] Tae
    Shin-chan, you don't have
    to ask for forgiveness.
[05:47] Tae
    You're now capable of finding
    all the answers for yourself.
[05:52] Tae
    You now stand side-by-side with the
    back you blindly chased all this time.
[05:56] Tae
    And if you want to protect that,
[06:01] Tae
    I'm sure Father feels the same way.
[06:04] Tae
    He's watching over you
[06:09] Tae
    from right beside you.
[06:15] G
    Get a load of them.
[06:16] G
    They're still walking around here.
[06:19] G
    Damn Amanto. Get off this planet already.
[06:22] Cat
    Say what? You were pissing your pants
    in front of the Liberation Army!
[06:26] Cat
    But you grow balls when you're up
    against women and children, huh?
[06:29] G
    That was a woman? I thought
    it was an old man.
[06:32] Kag
    You heard 'em.
[06:33] Tam
    Please don't lump Kagura-sama
    in with the Liberation Army!
[06:36] Tam
    She has the power to destroy Earth
    before them if she so wishes!
[06:41] Kag
    Uh, you're not helping, 'kay?
[06:46] Cat
    What's going on?
[06:48] Tam
    Even though there are Amanto
    who side with earthlings,
[06:52] Tam
    the discrimination only
    grows worse by the day.
[06:55] Cat
    Maybe it'd be best to abandon
    this stupid planet and bail.
[07:00] Cat
    Even if Earth does survive, there
    may not be a place for us here.
[07:07] Kag
    I never had a place here anyway.
[07:10] Kag
    I was just an unwanted guest squatting in
    a tiny space that I pried open for myself.
[07:14] Kag
    But before I knew it, those guys
    were squatting in my space.
[07:21] Kag
    They shamelessly made themselves
    at home without even paying any rent.
[07:26] Kag
    Turns out I was the one with unwanted guests.
[07:30] Tam
    Maybe that's what you call a real home.
SIGN    Snack Oto
[07:34] Tam
    Even if you lose your house or your planet,
[07:38] Tam
    that place alone will remain
    strong and await your return.
[07:42] Tam
    It exists within us as well...
[07:44] Tam
    A place for you and everyone else to return.
[07:50] Cat
    Just know that my rent's higher
    than Otose-san's, though.
[07:55] Tam
    Same here.
[07:57] Kag
    That so?
[07:59] Kag
    Then I guess we'll all have to go
    out and earn that rent money.
[08:04] Tam
    Indeed.
[08:07] Kag
    But thanks to that, I can go
    wild until Edo is flattened.
[08:14] Shin
    The crucial battle was upon us.
[08:17] Shin
    While the Liberation Army
    isn't making any moves...
[08:20] Kag
    ...we must find the Tendoshu...
[08:22] Shin
    ...and defeat Utsuro.
[08:24] Kag
    Or else this planet has no future.
[08:27] Shin
    Gin-san suddenly went missing,
    and I'm worried about what he's up to.
[08:31] Shin
    I hope he's hit upon some kind of idea.
[08:39] Gin
    What? They're making a second
    live-action Gintama movie?
[08:43] Gin
    I had no idea this was decided
    while I was out in space.
[08:47] Gin
    "Oguri Shun returns in the
    role of Sakata Gintoki"?
[08:50] Gin
    Well, he barely passed with his long legs,
[08:53] Gin
    but they could've gone for a cute
    Johnny's idol for Gin-san, too—
[08:58] Gin
    Ow... What do you guys think
    you're doing to Oguri Shun's jaw?
SIGN    Ueda Bookstore
[09:01] Gin
    Do you realize how many billions
    this jaw's gonna bring in again?
[09:04] Shin
    You're not Oguri Shun!
[09:05] Shin
    We thought you were looking for
    the Tendoshu! What are you doing?
[09:08] Gin
    Oh, shut it.
[09:09] Gin
    Even you ignored Earth last week
    and were Granbluing on a rooftop!
[09:13] (Flashback) Shin
    Granblue...
[09:15] Shin
    I wasn't Granbluing!
[09:17] Shin
    Even Granblue Masaki isn't
    making those ads anymore!
[09:21] Shin
    Sadaharu!
[09:24] Gin
    Oh, you're back? I've been waiting.
[09:26] Shin
    Gin-san, don't tell me...
[09:27] Gin
    To find the Tendoshu,
    we gotta investigate the bakufu.
[09:31] Gin
    They may hide, but they
    can't fool a dog's nose.
[09:35] Shin
    Look, he has something in his mouth.
[09:41] Shin
    Er, this is...
[09:43] Gin
    Jean-Claude...
[09:45] Sad
    Wan!
[09:45] Gin
    ...Damme, huh?
[09:49] Shin
    He's just requesting an actor!
[09:51] Shin
    You weren't satisfied with the CG?
[09:53] Shin
    You want Van Damme to play you?
    You want him to be Wan Damme?
[09:56] Shin
    Don't give me that!
[09:58] Shin
    Do you realize how many billions
    that "wan" is gonna cost us?!
SIGN    Ueda Bookstore
[10:00] Shin
    Knock it off! Earth really will be destroyed!
[10:10] Gin
    What's this? You guys
    wanna request actors, too?
[10:14] Gin
    Sorry, but these days, they can add as
    many extras as they want with just CG—
[10:17] Shin
    Wait, Gin-san!
[10:19] Shin
    These people...
[10:26] Shin
    What's going on?
[10:27] Kag
    After the Liberation Army,
    we're fighting the public?
[10:30] Gin
    Nah, these guys aren't ordinary folk.
[10:34] Gin
    Ack! They're coming from the front, too!
[10:44] Nob
    Took you long enough.
[10:46] Nob
    I'd grown sick of waiting.
[10:47] Shin
    Nobume-san!
[10:48] Nob
    No. I'll take someone like
    Kuriyama Chiaki, please.
[10:51] Shin
    You too?!
[10:53] Nob
    By the way, those masses
[11:01] Nob
    aren't who you think.
[11:03] Gin
    Naraku?
[11:07] Gin
    Why are they disguised as townsfolk?
[11:12] G
    How long do we gotta twiddle our thumbs here?
[11:16] G
    Admiral Shijaku's orders.
[11:18] G
    He told us not to act unless
    the earthlings attack.
[11:21] G
    The brass wanna take over
    this planet too, right?
[11:24] G
    Then why wait around...
[11:30] G
    Hey, what's wrong?
[11:32] G
    Did a fish bite your dick?
[11:37] G
    H-Hey!
[11:43] Nob
    It's time
[11:45] Nob
    for the beginning of the end.
[11:52] Nob
    Utsuro's planet busting is about to start.
[11:57] G
    Have you lost your minds?
[11:59] G
    You're picking a fight with us?
[12:01] G
    Did you come here to die?
[12:03] Uts
    Precisely.
[12:07] Uts
    I am here to die...
[12:09] Uts
    Along with you all
[12:12] Uts
    and this planet.
[12:23] Zen
    Not exactly a great view.
[12:26] Zen
    Watching a country crumble from atop
    an empty castle doesn't feel good.
[12:33] G
    What's going on?
[12:34] G
    Just when the Liberation Army finally
    calms down, now the masses are rioting?
[12:39] G
    That is why I said to keep watch on
    them so they don't do anything stupid!
[12:44] G
    And who was going to do that?
[12:45] G
    Everyone ignored this national
    crisis and ran off somewhere!
[12:48] G
    Nobody even shows up to the meetings!
[12:50] G
    Even if everyone showed up,
    would anyone here be of use?
[12:53] G
    What was that? I shall cut you down!
[12:56] G
    Take responsibility and cut yourself first!
[12:59] G
    The earthlings did what?
[13:01] G
    An unidentified unit has
    attacked our base on Earth.
[13:05] G
    We're fighting back, but they've
    already sunk two of our battleships.
[13:08] G
    We've lost many men, too.
[13:10] G
    This is bad.
[13:12] G
    You're the one who oversaw the
    riots and withdrew our troops,
[13:16] G
    Admiral Shijaku.
[13:21] (Flashback) Nb
    I'm sorry to ask so much of you.
[13:26] (Flashback) Nb
    But if you will stop your men, I promise
    to bring you the Tendoshu's heads.
[13:32] (Flashback) Nb
    If I can't keep that promise, I'm
    prepared to offer you my head as shogun.
[13:37] (Flashback) Shi
    Is that what "disembowelment" truly means?
[13:41] (Flashback) Shi
    Do you have a chance of winning, though?
[13:43] (Flashback) Sak
    If we don't take back our freedom
    with our own hands, it's pointless.
[13:49] (Flashback) Sak
    Besides, that's when our
    battle will truly begin.
[13:53] (Flashback) Sak
    Now that the Tendoshu's rule has weakened,
[13:56] (Flashback) Sak
    Altana has become a symbol of freedom
    that can destroy an entire planet.
[14:00] (Flashback) Sak
    And we'll all end up attainin' it.
[14:03] (Flashback) Sak
    If we succumb under the
    pressure of that "freedom,"
[14:06] (Flashback) Sak
    only destruction will await us in the future.
[14:09] (Flashback) Sak
    You and we both must fight...
[14:15] (Flashback) Sak
    Fight freedom and ourselves.
[14:20] Shi
    As they spoke those words, the look
    in their eyes wasn't that of puppets.
[14:25] Shi
    This incident couldn't have
    been caused by earthlings.
[14:29] Shi
    It's a trap laid by one who wishes to use
    the tensions between us to expand the war.
[14:34] G
    You're the one who fell for a trap! How
    could you let those apes talk you into...
[14:38] En
    You don't get it.
[14:39] En
    This universal war itself may be
    a trap laid by the Tendoshu.
[14:45] En
    That's what that man is saying.
[14:48] En
    If you want someone to blame,
    blame me for starting this war.
[14:53] G
    Prince Ensho...
[14:54] Shi
    I didn't say that.
[14:57] Shi
    Both your appearance and
    your words lack subtlety.
[15:00] En
    Look who's talking. You're former
    royalty who is acting as a mercenary.
[15:05] Shi
    Don't lump me in with you.
[15:08] Shi
    I cast away my homeland and my royalty
    and gave all I had to the battlefield.
[15:13] Shi
    I rose up with you all because
    I felt this war had just cause.
[15:18] Shi
    But those earthlings said that
[15:20] Shi
    freedom without responsibility
    would only lead to destruction.
[15:25] Shi
    Ensho, it may be our responsibility
    to stop this war.
[15:31] G
    What? Stop this war?!
[15:34] En
    Is the situation that grave, Shijaku?
[15:38] En
    Are you saying the Tendoshu destroyed
    those planets in a bid to start this war?
[15:47] En
    Do you mean they're trying to
    make the world self-destruct?
[15:56] Shi
    Ensho, I've arranged a secret meeting.
[15:59] Shi
    At this point, we cannot resolve this
    situation without their cooperation.
[16:03] Shi
    You can hear the details
    straight from their mouths.
[16:08] En
    Is that so?
[16:09] En
    Actually, there's someone I wish
    to introduce to you in secret, too.
[16:13] Shi
    Introduce to me? Who is it?
[16:16] En
    Do you remember the day when I first
    turned tail from the battlefield?
[16:22] En
    That day, I swore to take down the
    Tendoshu, who took everything from me,
[16:29] En
    and take their heads to my
    wife and child no matter what.
[16:35] En
    Everyone gathered here is like me.
[16:38] En
    They had their countries or
    families taken from them,
[16:40] En
    swore revenge, and started this war.
[16:44] En
    If it were to end here, what do you think
    is to become of their smoldering hatred?
[16:50] En
    Where will all our sorrow go?
[16:54] Shi
    Ensho...
[16:56] En
    A recon team sent to Earth found
    a shipwreck one month ago.
[17:01] En
    The investigation revealed it to
    belong to a certain group of people.
[17:13] En
    Shijaku, this war cannot end.
[17:17] En
    Because...
[17:21] En
    It's already over.
[17:24] En
    Let me introduce you.
[17:26] En
    They are our archenemies, the Tendoshu.
[17:31] Shi
    I-Impossible! What happened to them?
[17:34] En
    They're alive.
[17:35] En
    Or, well, perhaps it'd be better
    to say that they cannot die.
[17:38] Shi
    If the Tendoshu are in this state,
    who is attacking our base?
[17:43] En
    It doesn't matter who,
[17:45] En
    as long as they're enemies who are
    willing to be targets for our hate.
[17:48] Shi
    Ensho, you...
[17:52] En
    Shijaku,
[17:53] En
    the Liberation Army needs an enemy.
[17:57] En
    If everything is already over,
    there won't be an end for us.
[18:01] En
    In that case, the war simply need not end.
[18:04] En
    That way...
[18:11] En
    We can keep fighting.
[18:17] En
    We can keep hating.
[18:20] En
    I can stay on the battlefield.
[18:24] En
    Throw him in a cell.
[18:26] En
    And tell our troops
[18:29] En
    that we will crush the
    rioters and take over Earth.
[18:35] Gin
    That's Utsuro's plan?
[18:38] Gin
    He wants to use the Liberation Army
    to engulf Edo in the flames of war?
[18:42] Nob
    And also to eliminate you
    people who stand in his way.
[18:47] Shin
    Does that mean Katsura-san and the
    others' negotiations were all in vain?
[18:50] Nob
    We knew things would come to this eventually.
[18:53] Nob
    Utsuro isn't the only one who wants a war.
[18:57] Nob
    And they aren't the only ones who
    must fight to obtain an ending.
[19:01] Gin
    Please don't tell me that includes you.
[19:04] Nob
    Who knows? At the very least,
    I'm thankful for this situation.
[19:08] Nob
    I finally caught a glimpse
    of the elusive Utsuro's tail.
[19:12] Nob
    If he was to show up anywhere,
[19:16] Nob
    it'd be here, the most dangerous
    and hard-to-crack spot.
[19:22] Shin
    The Liberation Army's troops
    have been wiped out!
[19:25] Kag
    Not just them. The Naraku, too.
[19:28] Shin
    They fought to the death
    to take down the enemy?
[19:30] Nob
    To Utsuro, there are no allies
    or enemies. Only tools.
[19:35] Gin
    Looks like I'm just like you, too.
[19:40] Gin
    If I don't fight...
[19:42] Gin
    If I don't defeat him,
[19:44] Gin
    there's no ending for me.
[19:46] Gin
    Not unless I take you out!
[19:49] Nb
    What is the meaning of this?
[19:52] En
    If you're the kind of foolish
    leader who can't understand that,
[19:55] En
    it is understandable that
    your country would fall.
[19:58] En
    You earthlings are the ones who ignored
    our ceasefire and took aim at us first.
[20:04] En
    Die, together with the Tendoshu.
[20:07] Sak
    I see.
[20:08] Sak
    If you're the kind of foolish leader who
    can't understand the Tendoshu set that up,
[20:12] Sak
    your army will die, too.
[20:15] Sak
    But if you're doin' this while fully aware
    of that, there's still hope for you.
[20:20] Sak
    Surrender before the samurai
    unsheathe their swords.
[20:24] En
    I see Shijaku was right. You have guts
    and a way with words, if nothing else.
[20:30] En
    But rest assured.
[20:32] En
    There won't be a war.
[20:37] En
    It'll all be over before you can
    look up at the sky and blink.
[20:42] En
    This is but a ritual sacrifice.
[20:46] En
    Those sticks you call swords
[20:49] En
    won't reach anywhere.
[21:00] Gin
    Th-These guys... Could they be...
[21:04] Shin
    Immortal?
[21:06] Gin
    Utsuro, you bastard.
    You gave them your blood?
[21:09] Uts
    Yes, although they are fakes
    made using a few drops.
[21:15] Uts
    Is it painful?
[21:16] Uts
    But that too will end soon.
[21:20] Uts
    It's all too late. For everything.
[21:22] Uts
    Will you withdraw your sword and
    wait to die with the planet,
[21:26] Uts
    or will you use it to fight
    me and die right here?
[21:30] Uts
    You're free to choose.
[21:34] Gin
    Then...
[21:36] Gin
    I'll use this sword to crush both
    you and the Liberation Army!
SIGN    Preview
[23:12] Nob
    I'll secure an escape route. Run away.
[23:14] Zen
    This country's done for.
[23:17] Zen
    You only have one job now.
[23:19] Gin
    The guy in front of me
    is nothing but a villain.
SIGN    The Line Between Tenacious
    and Annoying Is Paper-Thin
SIGN    While messing around a little bit
SIGN    and getting in trouble a little bit...
SIGN    Next time,
SIGN    it's finally their turn...?!

E345 - The Line Between Tenacious and Annoying Is Paper-Thin

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Watch the Silver Soul Arc in a bright room
    and at a safe distance from your TV!!
[00:07] Uts
    While an "ending" is a conclusion,
    it is also a release.
[00:12] Uts
    Through an ending, we will be
    freed of all that shackles us.
[00:18] Uts
    Such as the endless cycle of foolish wars,
[00:21] Uts
    or the sorrow and suffering they cause.
[00:25] Uts
    And still, Sakata Gintoki,
    you stand your ground there?
[00:30] Uts
    You reject an ending and choose
    to continue suffering...
[00:34] Uts
    You choose the suffering of
    striking your teacher down?
[00:38] Uts
    Then I must make my own choice.
[00:42] Uts
    To choose the suffering of
    striking my disciple down.
[00:47] Nob
    That's...
[00:48] Nob
    The third and last of the Three
    Wings of Naraku, Hitsugi!
[01:04] Gin
    Teacher? Disciple?
[01:06] Gin
    That crap doesn't exist here.
[01:10] Gin
    The guy in front of me
    is nothing but a villain.
[01:15] Gin
    And the guy in front of you
[01:17] Gin
    is nothing but Odd Jobs!
[01:28] Gin
    You took his blood, too?
[01:50] Shin
    There's no end to them!
[02:13] Nob
    Time's up, huh?
[02:15] Nob
    I'll secure an escape route. Run away.
[02:18] Nob
    We can't fight both Utsuro and the
    Liberation Army at the same time.
[02:22] Nob
    I'm sorry. I didn't think things through.
[02:25] Nob
    That immortal man and his immortal army
[02:30] Nob
    can't be defeated by us alone right now.
[02:41] Uts
    It won't reach.
[03:03] Uts
    It can't reach.
[03:11] Uts
    Your sword...
[03:13] Uts
    can't reach me.
[03:16] Gin
    Utsuro!
[03:31] Gin
    Utsuro...
[03:34] Nob
    Hurry!
[04:13] Kag
    Your glasses broke.
[04:16] Shin
    I hope what I'm seeing right now is
    a mistake caused by my glasses, too.
[04:21] Shin
    But unfortunately, it looks like my glasses
    weren't the only thing that broke.
[04:32] Shin
    Gin-san!
[04:33] Kag
    Nobutas!
[04:37] Nob
    Hurry up and stop Utsuro
    and the Liberation Army.
[04:41] Nob
    Forget about me.
[04:44] Gin
    We both did stuff we normally wouldn't.
[04:47] Nob
    I just didn't want to watch
    our prospects get any worse.
[04:52] Gin
    Then keep this in mind:
[04:55] Gin
    In our eyes, you're a valuable
    part of our prospects, too,
[05:01] Gin
    Mimawarigumi Vice Chief Imai Nobume.
[05:04] Gin
    We need you to put in your
    chief's share of the work.
[05:08] Gin
    Don't you dare drop dead here.
[05:11] Gin
    He'll laugh in your face.
[05:15] Nob
    I'm sure he already is.
[05:19] Nob
    Isaburo, even in a world without you,
    it seems I still have a purpose.
[05:27] Nob
    But I don't know...
[05:29] Nob
    You entrusted your hopes to them,
[05:32] Nob
    but I don't know how to protect
    them from that huge evil.
[05:38] Nob
    I don't know how to protect Edo, which has
    lost both its elite and hooligan cops.
[05:45] G
    Target has been silenced
    by concentrated fire.
[05:48] G
    No signs of any enemies remaining.
[05:51] En
    What are you saying?
[05:53] En
    The enemy's still there.
[06:00] En
    Burn everything to the ground.
[06:04] G
    We're done for!
[06:05] G
    This is why I said we
    should surrender at once!
[06:09] G
    But to surrender while Nobunobu-sama
    was in the midst of negotiating with them?
[06:14] G
    We can't believe in a figurehead shogun!
[06:16] G
    I'm sure he has long abandoned
    this country and fled!
[06:20] G
    If we waste time here, we'll end
    up dying with the country, too!
[06:27] Soyo
    Go ahead and flee.
[06:30] Soyo
    No need to worry about the country.
[06:33] Soyo
    I'll watch over the castle
    while everybody's gone.
[06:36] G
    P-Princess Soyo.
[06:39] Momo
    Princess Soyo did what?
[06:42] Momo
    Why didn't you keep a closer eye on her?
    I repeatedly told you to take utmost care.
[06:46] G
    We're terribly sorry.
[06:48] G
    We couldn't really follow her into the
    bathroom, and she took that chance.
[06:52] Momo
    Find her at once.
[06:54] All
    Ma'am!
[06:57] (Flashback) Zen
    This country's done for.
[07:00] (Flashback) Zen
    You only have one job now.
[07:03] (Flashback) Zen
    Run away, Princess Soyo.
[07:06] (Flashback) Zen
    Edo'll be engulfed in the flames of war soon.
[07:09] (Flashback) Zen
    Arrange a ship that'll get
    you off of Earth immediately.
[07:13] (Flashback) Soyo
    Zenzo-san, I want to fight alongside you all.
[07:18] (Flashback) Soyo
    After all, I am his...
[07:20] (Flashback) Soyo
    Shogun Tokugawa Shigeshige's sister.
[07:24] (Flashback) Zen
    You're not the shogun's sister anymore.
[07:27] (Flashback) Mai
    Watch your mouth, Zenzo-dono!
[07:30] (Flashback) Zen
    You're just a sister, and it's your duty
    to live your brother's share of life.
[07:34] (Flashback) Zen
    And as the one who failed
    to protect your brother,
[07:38] (Flashback) Zen
    it's my duty to protect you to the end.
[07:41] (Flashback) Soyo
    What happened to Brother wasn't your fault.
[07:43] (Flashback) Zen
    Forget it.
[07:45] (Flashback) Zen
    If you're going to throw a tantrum, I'll
    drag you away even if I have to spank you.
SIGN    Dumplings
[07:49] (Flashback) Momo
    Oh? And then what?
[07:52] (Flashback) Momo
    Will you live in a land with no familiar
    faces, counting all the friends you've lost?
[07:58] (Flashback) Momo
    Zenzo, using your life to make up for
    failing your friend is all well and good.
[08:02] (Flashback) Momo
    But don't forget that you have other friends
    here who are doing their best to live.
[08:08] (Flashback) Zen
    Jump is the only friend I have.
[08:11] (Flashback) Momo
    And Bessatsu Margaret is my only friend.
SIGN    Bessatsu Margaret
[08:15] (Flashback) Momo
    But here's how I feel.
[08:16] (Flashback) Momo
    Living a lost friend's share of life
[08:20] (Flashback) Momo
    and fighting and dying with your
    friends who are still alive
[08:24] (Flashback) Momo
    are both fine displays of friendship.
[08:28] (Flashback) Soyo
    Zenzo-san, he's fighting, isn't he?
[08:32] (Flashback) Soyo
    Then I... We must fight, too.
[08:35] (Flashback) Soyo
    We must struggle and crawl out of
    the depths of sorrow and hatred.
[08:41] (Flashback) Soyo
    We can't be outdone!
[08:43] (Flashback) Soyo
    Not by him!
[08:46] (Flashback) Zen
    That so? Got it.
[08:50] (Flashback) Momo
    Where are you going?
[08:51] (Flashback) Zen
    If the princess is staying back,
    then I won't be of any use by her side.
[08:56] (Flashback) Zen
    Take care of her, Momochi.
[08:59] (Flashback) Soyo
    Zenzo-san!
[09:00] (Flashback) Zen
    I'm gonna do what I want,
    so you do as you please, too.
[09:04] (Flashback) Zen
    Not as a princess, but as his kid sister.
[09:14] Momo
    Princess...
[09:17] G
    What are you thinking?
[09:19] Soyo
    You all should evacuate at once.
[09:23] Soyo
    I'll take care of this castle myself.
[09:26] G
    Of all the preposterous ideas!
[09:27] Soyo
    We cannot leave this castle empty.
[09:30] Soyo
    When its people are fighting to defend the
    country, how can the country abandon them?
[09:34] G
    But what obligation do you
    have to go to such lengths?
[09:37] G
    This country took your brother's life!
[09:40] G
    And you are...
[09:41] Soyo
    Not a princess.
[09:43] Soyo
    I am Tokugawa Shigeshige's sister.
[09:46] Soyo
    And I will remain that forever.
[09:53] Shin
    Then Utsuro is...
[09:54] Gin
    Sorry. I let him get away.
[09:56] Gin
    Or maybe he was the one who let me get away.
[09:59] Shin
    But he must have been
    caught in that explosion.
[10:02] Gin
    If he was the type to die from that,
    we wouldn't be having such a hard time.
[10:05] Kag
    So in the end, we couldn't do anything?
[10:08] Kag
    We couldn't protect anything?
[10:11] Kag
    Is everything going just as Utsuro wants?
[10:13] Kag
    Can the war no longer be stopped?
[10:15] Gin
    Don't give up!
[10:17] Gin
    It's not too late! We can still stop it!
[10:43] En
    Fire.
[11:20] G
    I told you so.
[11:22] G
    If they go crazy up in the skies, we ground
    troops won't get any shots at glory.
[11:27] G
    We're fighting over four dirty apes?
[11:30] G
    What matters in a hunt isn't the game,
    but the hunters you're up against.
[11:36] Gin
    Run for it!
[12:05] Gin
    I run and run, but I don't feel
    like I'm getting anywhere.
[12:12] (Flashback) Uts
    Your sword...
[12:16] (Flashback) Sho
    ...can't reach me.
[12:18] Gin
    Have I not taken a single
    step forward since then?
[12:38] Gin
    I don't think I'll ever reach him.
[12:42] Kon
    It's not over yet!
[12:50] Kon
    Don't go ending things for yourselves.
[12:55] Kon
    Keep your eyes forward and
    your hands on your sword.
[13:01] Kon
    Fight, Odd Jobs.
[13:09] Kon
    Together with us Shinsengumi!
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Silver Soul
SIGN    The Line Between Tenacious and Annoying Is Paper-Thin
[14:51] G
    Wh-What's going on?
[14:53] G
    O-Our own tanks suddenly fired at us!
[14:56] Kon
    Your friends are all gone.
[15:01] Hij
    They'd parked their vehicles in a
    weird spot and were blocking traffic.
[15:06] Oki
    So we gave them tickets and
    impounded their vehicles.
[15:09] Oki
    We're currently investigating the case.
[15:11] Kon
    But you guys won't get off that lightly.
[15:14] Kon
    For traffic violations, destruction
    of property, et cetera,
SIGN    Special Bakufu Military Police Force
    Shinsengumi
[15:20] Kon
    you are under arrest!
[15:22] G
    Y-You guys are...
[15:25] All
    The police.
[15:34] Nob
    They're back?
[15:36] Nob
    Edo's hooligan cops are back in town?
[15:44] Kon
    Charge!
[15:54] Oki
    What're you standing around for?
[15:56] Kon
    You'll get left behind.
[15:58] Hij
    The battle's just getting started.
[16:01] Hij
    This country...
[16:06] Hij
    isn't finished just yet.
[16:10] G
    Fire!
[16:15] G
    What?
[16:21] Mat
    Good grief.
[16:23] Mat
    I gathered troops to fell Nobunobu's country,
[16:28] Mat
    but look what I'm doing now.
[16:29] Mat
    Get lost, rubberneckers.
[16:32] Mat
    You guys were fighting an empty country,
[16:36] Mat
    but its owners are back now.
[16:39] Mat
    Whether we defend this country or destroy it,
[16:43] Kon
    the decision is for us, its citizens, to make!
[16:47] Kon
    You have no horse in this race.
[16:49] Kon
    Men, show them how strong
    this country really is!
[17:09] Hij
    I thought you'd lost your
    will to fight out of fear,
[17:12] Hij
    but I'm glad to see you're still
    that same old unpredictable moron.
[17:15] Gin
    Look who's talking.
[17:16] Gin
    You took awfully long to drag out your
    grapefruits after they'd shrunk back inside.
[17:21] Kon
    When your enemy goes from one
    country to the entire universe,
[17:24] Kon
    no grapefruits are big enough.
[17:28] Shin
    Sorry! We tried to prevent this, but failed!
[17:31] Oki
    Jeez. Who was it that cockily
    said to leave Edo in her hands?
[17:37] Kag
    And whose stinking mouth was it that said
    he'd come back stronger than anyone?
[17:43] Oki
    If nothing else, I have grown
    strong enough to one-shot you.
[17:47] Hij
    We gathered up rebels
    from across the country,
[17:50] Hij
    used the old bakufu's connections,
    and gained support from other countries.
[17:53] Kon
    We have more political power than
    we could even imagine before.
[17:56] Kon
    We even bought cutting-edge
    weaponry and battleships.
[17:59] Gin
    That so?
[18:03] Gin
    And how long will all of that
    last against the entire universe?
[18:17] Kon
    Even if we can't win the war,
[18:19] Kon
    we might be able to create an
    opening with which to stop it.
[18:24] Kon
    Besides, it wasn't just our political
    power or weapons that grew stronger.
[18:27] Shin
    Kondo-san!
[18:29] Kon
    Do you really think we were twiddling
    our thumbs while we were away from Edo?
[18:35] Kon
    We swore to protect Edo for sure this time,
    and that we'd grow stronger to do it.
[18:42] Kon
    Sit back and watch the
    reborn Shinsengumi's strength.
[18:48] Shin
    No way, was that...
[18:49] Kon
    A restraint to keep my
    excessive strength in check,
[18:52] Kon
    and a special-alloy headband that constantly
    put strain on me to make me stronger.
[18:58] Kon
    Did you really think I'd change
    my costume for no reason?
[19:03] Kon
    The time has finally come
    to release this power.
[19:07] Kon
    Gori...
[19:09] Kon
    Ah, my head hasn't felt
    this light in a long time.
[19:12] Shin
    Of course it does! There's nothing in there!
[19:14] Shin
    You're taking the "release" thing too far!
[19:15] Shin
    Who the hell coordinates their
    entire getup with weights?!
[19:18] Kon
    Oops, nearly forgot to take this off, too.
[19:22] Shin
    Don't take off the mosaic!
[19:24] Kon
    What's this? I can't even feel my own weight.
[19:27] Kon
    It's like I've become one with the universe.
[19:31] Shin
    Kondo-san!
[19:33] Kon
    Hey. What are you looking at, tree trunk?
[19:37] Shin
    What are you showing off, your junk?!
[19:44] Kon
    I see it.
[19:46] Kon
    I see it.
[19:47] Kon
    I see it all!
[19:48] Kon
    The rounds are clearly visible,
    like they're a slow-ass turtle.
[19:51] Shin
    Uh, your turtle, rounds, and
    ass are clearly visible, too!
[19:55] Shin
    But wow. He's so fast.
[19:59] Shin
    Oh, the mosaic.
[20:05] Shin
    Why?!
[20:06] Shin
    What happened, Kondo-san?!
[20:08] Shin
    Don't tell me the real thing
    was behind that mosaic!
[20:10] Shin
    Did you step on your own dick?!
[20:16] Oki
    Oh, well.
[20:18] Hij
    Hey, take care of Kondo-san.
[20:22] Shin
    Hijikata-san! Okita-san!
[20:24] Hij
    We wanted to save this for a turning point...
[20:27] Oki
    But now, we have no choice but
    to release our powers as well.
[20:32] Shin
    Wait, are you two...
[20:35] Oki
    We attained this to protect Edo once again.
[20:39] Hij
    Behold our new powers!
[20:44] Shin
    Th-That's...
[20:48] Hij
    Nicotine Dispel!
[20:50] Hij
    Allow me to explain.
[20:52] Hij
    Nicotine Dispel, which involves quitting
    smoking to increase lung capacity
[20:55] Hij
    and make food taste better,
    is Hijikata's new power.
[20:58] Shin
    All you did was start
    taking care of yourself!
[21:02] Oki
    Mayonnaise Burst!
[21:06] Oki
    Allow me to explain.
[21:07] Oki
    Mayonnaise Burst, which involves wasting
    mayonnaise in front of Hijikata,
[21:11] Oki
    who lives only for mayonnaise,
    is Okita's new power.
[21:14] Shin
    That's nothing new!
[21:15] Shin
    In the past and now, all you've
    ever done is harass the guy!
[21:20] Hij
    This is the new Shinsengumi's strength!
[21:22] Oki
    Watch and be amazed!
[21:25] Shin
    Hey! They haven't changed one bit!
[21:30] Gin
    They've gotten worse, if anything.
[21:32] Ymz
    Well, duh, boss.
[21:35] Ymz
    People can't change that easily.
[21:38] Ymz
    In other words...
[21:46] Ymz
    Our desire to protect Edo hasn't
    changed one bit, either.
[21:51] Gin
    Uh, who are you? A new character?
[21:55] Ymz
    What're you talking about?
[21:57] Ymz
    It's me, Zakiyama.
[21:59] Gin
    You're a totally different person now!
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Preview
[23:34] Ymz
    We came back with our desire and
    ambition to protect Edo still intact.
[23:40] Ymz
    We're the same old Shinsengumi.
[23:42] Gin
    Why'd he alone grow far
    beyond his potential?!
[23:45] Gen
    Let's show them what Earth
    is truly capable of.
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
SIGN    Geezers Carve the Things They
    Shouldn't Forget into Their Wrinkles
SIGN    The hooligan cops are back,
SIGN    but who knows if they've grown or regressed?
SIGN    With even more dangers looming large on the horizon,
SIGN    the golden man makes his move!

E346 - Geezers Carve the Things They Shouldn't Forget into Their Wrinkles

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Silver Soul
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
SIGN    Geezers Carve the Things
    They Shouldn't Forget into Their Wrinkles
[01:44] Ymz
    As you can see, Boss,
[01:48] Ymz
    we haven't changed one bit.
[01:51] Ymz
    We came back with our desire and
    ambition to protect Edo still intact.
[01:57] Ymz
    We're the same old Shinsengumi.
[01:59] Gin
    But you alone are a completely
    different person now!
[02:01] Shin
    Yamazaki-san! What happened to you?
SIGN    Watch the Silver Soul Arc in a bright room
    and at a safe distance from your TV!!
[02:04] Shin
    Why do you look like you just
    got back from the Vietnam War?!
[02:07] Ymz
    Huh? Do I look that different?
[02:10] Shin
    "Look"? You are different!
[02:11] G
    Way to go, Zakiyama-san!
[02:14] G
    The vice chief and Okita-san couldn't
    handle it, but you took it out in one shot!
[02:17] G
    As long as we have you, the
    Liberation Army is no match for us!
[02:20] G
    Zakiyama! Zakiyama!
[02:24] Gin
    Hey, even their power structure
    has changed a little!
[02:27] Gin
    That plain guy's become
    the nucleus of the squad!
[02:30] Kon
    I quit mosaics.
[02:32] Hij
    I quit smoking.
[02:34] Oki
    I quit quitting messing with Hijikata.
[02:38] Ymz
    I quit Yamazaki.
[02:40] Gin
    Why'd he alone grow far
    beyond his potential?!
[02:43] G
    Zakiyama! Zakiyama!
[02:43] Ymz
    I don't really get it myself,
[02:45] Ymz
    but if I had to say, I guess
    I liberated myself, too.
[02:50] Ymz
    I tried to be like the chief, who realized
    his weakness and trained with restraints.
[02:56] Ymz
    But I was even weaker, so I
    couldn't handle the weight.
[03:00] Ymz
    One day, I noticed that my body felt heavy,
    even though I wasn't carrying anything.
[03:08] Ymz
    And that I may have been shackled
    by restraints all along.
[03:14] Ymz
    So...
[03:15] Ymz
    I threw off the restraints,
    and this is the result.
[03:17] Gin
    Restraints? That's your body!
[03:20] Gin
    What's going on here?
[03:21] Gin
    Zakiyama came out of Yamazaki's ass?
    No, Yamazaki came out of Zakiyama's ass?
[03:24] Gin
    What the hell are you? What the hell is he?!
[03:27] Ymz
    That's something like the
    heavy T-shirt Goku took off.
[03:31] Ymz
    It seems I was born wearing a heavy
    T-shirt called Yamazaki Sagaru.
[03:35] Gin
    Did you really just compare
    him to an object?!
[03:38] Ymz
    Once I threw it off, my body
    felt lighter than ever before.
[03:42] Ymz
    Sometimes, it's so light, I feel like I
    might drift all the way to the heavens.
[03:45] Gin
    You shouldn't throw it away!
    It's probably your soul or something!
[03:48] Kon
    How impressive.
[03:50] Kon
    Even you reached the blank state of
    mind where you cast even yourself away?
[03:55] Ymz
    Chief, don't tell me... You too?
[03:58] Kon
    Hey, who are you talking to?
[04:02] Kon
    The chief is over here.
[04:03] Shin
    Forget blank state of mind!
    There's no sign of the chief anymore!
[04:07] Shin
    Why'd he turn into a gorilla
    just by taking off a T-shirt?
[04:09] Shin
    He looks like gorilla dung now!
[04:11] Kon
    It seems I was a gorilla born
    wearing a heavy gorilla T-shirt.
[04:16] Kon
    Now I've finally been freed from the gorilla.
[04:19] Shin
    No, you haven't! You've become a
    more concentrated version of gorilla!
[04:23] Kon
    New enemies?
[04:24] Kon
    Let's go, Yamazaki! Let's show them
    what we can do without T-shirts!
[04:28] Ymz
    Yeah!
[04:29] Shin
    Hey, hey, hey!
[04:30] Shin
    The T-shirts got tangled up!
[04:32] Shin
    The T-shirts got caught!
[04:35] Shin
    The T-shirt's crying!
[04:37] Shin
    Hey, timeout! If you're gonna take
    them off, take them off right!
[04:40] Shin
    You're gonna rip the T-shirts!
[04:42] Bo
    Untangle it, please!
[04:44] Oki
    Like this?
[04:45] Shin
    Not that way!
[04:46] Hij
    Like this.
[04:48] Shin
    You're not even trying!
[04:49] Shin
    Are you pissed off at them?
    Are you pissed at them after all?
[04:52] Shin
    Hey! Both the gorilla and Rambo collapsed!
[04:55] Gin
    I knew it! Those T-shirts weren't
    supposed to be cast off!
[04:57] Gin
    Hurry up and put them back on!
[05:01] Shin
    The explosion blew the gorilla T-shirt away!
[05:03] Gin
    If we lose it, the gorilla's
    going straight to heaven!
[05:06] Oki
    Don't worry. For now,
    I dressed the gorilla again...
[05:10] Oki
    in an Ahodas T-shirt.
[05:13] Kon
    Let's go! The match isn't over yet!
[05:15] Kon
    Shoot for tomorrow!
[05:17] Gin
    Hey! Ahodas took over his body!
[05:20] Shin
    Why is a T-shirt that calls him
    an idiot dictating his personality?
[05:22] G
    Well, this is better than before! Follow him!
[05:24] G
    Aim for the goal!
[05:25] Shin
    Goal? Where is that?!
[05:26] Gin
    What the hell did you tax
    thieves come back for?
[05:29] Hij
    Shut it! We haven't gotten any pay in ages!
[05:32] Hij
    We're trying to save the world
    for free! Cut us some slack here!
[05:36] Gin
    If this is all you've got,
    the world is doomed for sure!
[05:38] Oki
    There, there. Relax a bit, Hijikata-san.
[05:41] Oki
    Here you go.
[05:42] Hij
    Cheers.
[05:44] Hij
    Wait, why're you ruining my attempt to quit?!
[05:46] Kag
    You don't get to live longer when
    Earth's heading for destruction!
[05:50] Oki
    She's right.
[05:51] Oki
    If we're all bound for destruction,
    your lungs should be the first to go.
[05:55] Hij
    Why does all responsibility
    rest on my lungs?!
[05:57] Shin
    Hey! Yamazaki-san's speeding ahead
    toward destruction by himself!
[06:01] Gin
    Y'know, if you hadn't left Edo wide open,
    this would never have happened!
[06:04] Hij
    You guys were the ones who neglected
    it! You got the world destroyed!
[06:08] Gin
    Screw you! Half the blame lies with you guys!
[06:10] Gin
    The other half lies with your lungs!
[06:11] Hij
    In the end, it's all my fault?!
[06:15] Hij
    Hey, what's so funny?
[06:17] Hij
    Do you realize the situation we're in?
[06:19] Ttsnsk
    I do, Vice Chief!
[06:22] Ttsnsk
    The terminal was broken
    and the town destroyed,
[06:25] Ttsnsk
    but this town came out
    of it without a scratch!
[06:29] Ttsnsk
    The Edo we fell in love with is right here!
[06:36] Capt
    The old bakufu army?
[06:38] Capt
    After all that's happened, they still
    want to die with their country?
[06:42] Capt
    All ships, lock and load!
[06:48] Capt
    Fire!
[06:56] Capt
    Wh-What's going on?
[06:57] G
    The muzzles exploded as soon as we fired!
[07:00] Capt
    What's this black haze?
[07:03] Mats
    Flame Haze.
[07:05] Mats
    A smokescreen that reacts to high
    temperatures and prevents use of all firearms.
[07:10] Mats
    I see.
[07:12] Mats
    This isn't only the land of the samurai.
[07:15] Mats
    It also belongs to you guys, huh?
[07:20] Sac
    The civilians have been evacuated.
[07:23] Sac
    The town's completely empty now.
[07:26] Sac
    Everything's ready,
[07:28] Sac
    Leader.
[07:31] Zen
    Now we're free to go wild.
[07:34] Zen
    As ninja, our duty is to live in the shadows.
[07:37] Zen
    But we don't need to anymore,
    now that we've lost our lord, the light.
[07:43] Zen
    Show off the skills you've honed
    all you want in broad daylight.
[07:48] Zen
    Etch into their memories the fact that
    this country is also home to ninja.
[07:53] Zen
    Not in the shadows, but under
    the light that shines upon you.
[07:58] Zen
    Live and die to the fullest.
[08:03] Sac
    Is that the answer you've found?
[08:07] Zen
    There's no right answer.
[08:10] Zen
    But if, just as I tried to protect
    the princess as Shigeshige's buddy,
[08:14] Zen
    she's trying to fight as Shigeshige's sister,
[08:18] Zen
    then I have no right to stop her.
[08:22] Zen
    In that case,
[08:25] Zen
    all I can do is protect everything.
[08:30] Zen
    That's the light that
    shines upon me right now.
[08:39] Zen
    The Oniwaban are joining the fray!
[08:44] En
    Give me a status report.
[08:46] G
    The old bakufu army suddenly
    showed up at Edo Castle
[08:50] G
    and dealt a critical blow to our first wave.
[08:58] Kon
    Charge!
[09:11] Hij
    The Oniwaban?
[09:13] Kag
    Sacchan!
[09:15] Gin
    Looks like they've finally
    stepped out of the shadows.
[09:18] Sac
    Playtime's over!
[09:19] Sac
    I'll show you what a ninja can do!
[09:22] Sac
    Here I come...
[09:24] Sac
    Gin-san!
[09:24] Gin
    Why Gin-san?!
[09:26] Gin
    Why are you jumping at me with that face?
[09:29] Gin
    You looked more like an
    enemy than the enemy does!
[09:31] Sac
    How cruel.
[09:32] Sac
    We haven't met in so long,
    and you shame me like this?
[09:35] Sac
    Your abuse really is a cut above.
[09:38] Sac
    I'm your sow for life, Master!
[09:41] Gin
    This deviant is too much
    to deal with after so long.
[09:43] Gin
    I forgot how to defend against this,
    so it's landing body blows. I'm gonna puke!
[09:47] Sac
    But I believed in you.
[09:49] Sac
    I knew you'd come back.
[09:51] Sac
    I did my best, you know?
[09:53] Sac
    I was sure things would work out
    if we held on until you returned.
[09:58] Gin
    Sorry I kept you waiting.
[09:59] Sac
    You don't have to apologize.
[10:01] Sac
    You've come back so big and sturdy.
[10:04] Sac
    But I don't know about this size.
    I might not be able to handle it.
[10:08] Gin
    That ain't Gin-san.
[10:10] Gin
    Gin-san ain't that much of a showoff.
[10:16] Zen
    I didn't think I'd see that stupid shtick
    again before the world was destroyed.
[10:22] Gin
    I didn't think your asshole would be
    destroyed before the world, either.
[10:27] Sac
    No! Gin-san's chastity!
[10:30] Gin
    That's Zen-san's chastity, not Gin-san's.
[10:34] Zen
    I'm not so optimistic as to have thought
    things would change once you returned.
[10:40] Zen
    But looking at your stupid face
[10:44] Zen
    certainly did help me relax a little.
[10:47] Gin
    That's what I'd like to say.
[10:50] Gin
    Seeing you guys reminded me...
[10:54] Gin
    That even if the world
    were ending the next day,
[10:57] Gin
    we're the kind of morons who'd
    rush to buy Jump like usual.
[11:01] Gin
    That it doesn't matter if the world ends
    or not, or whether I reach him or not.
[11:06] Gin
    That I was the kind of person
    who'd run at full speed anyway.
[11:10] Gin
    For a moment there, I was ready
    to end things for myself.
[11:14] Gin
    But you guys showed me
    the way back here again.
[11:19] Gin
    Thank you for waiting for me
    as the same old morons.
[11:26] Oki
    How rude.
[11:27] Oki
    Hijikata-san sucked his abstinence pipe
    until he could suck on it like a pacifier,
[11:31] Oki
    and you call him the same old moron?
[11:33] Hij
    Shut up.
[11:33] Hij
    That's not me. I prefer Magazine.
[11:37] Zen
    If this keeps up, we won't be
    able to buy Jump or Magazine.
[11:40] Gin
    In that case...
[11:43] Gin
    We just need to save the world by Monday!
[11:48] Kon
    That's some big talk.
[11:50] Kon
    You wanna stop the world's end
    over the weekend?
[11:54] Kon
    Let's do it, then.
[11:56] Kon
    We'll turn that lame joke
    into reality by our hands
[11:59] Kon
    and laugh until our sides hurt!
[12:03] Kon
    What say you,
[12:05] Kon
    Mimawarigumi Vice Chief?
[12:08] Kon
    I can't wait to see how your grumpy
    face looks when the time comes.
[12:13] Nob
    I'll laugh all you want.
[12:17] Nob
    But it looks like those
    laughs won't come cheap.
[12:26] En
    A black haze? That won't be
    enough to erase our fire.
[12:32] En
    The more you struggle, the more
    sorrow and wrath it causes,
[12:37] En
    and the more it stokes our flame of revenge.
[12:41] En
    Mobile Weapon
[12:44] En
    Takemikazuchi...
[12:48] En
    Launch.
[12:55] En
    Launch.
[13:06] Zen
    Yikes.
[13:08] Zen
    This is bad.
[13:10] Zen
    They're trying to burn away
    the flame haze from above.
[13:15] G
    Chief!
[13:16] G
    It's not just from the air.
[13:18] G
    Reinforcements are streaming
    in on the surface, too.
[13:24] G
    No, that's not all!
[13:27] G
    Could they be...
[13:29] G
    The Dakini!
[13:32] G
    The Shinra!
[13:34] G
    The Yato!
[13:36] Kon
    The three great warrior races are here?
[13:38] Kon
    They've even got them on their side?
[13:41] Hij
    We've only been fighting
    the opening act so far?
[13:45] Oki
    Sheesh. Forget the weekend,
    we might not even last the day.
[13:50] Gen
    At last, huh?
[13:54] Shin
    Gengai-san!
[13:56] Gen
    Looks like it's our time to shine.
[13:58] Gen
    If that's the enemy's game, we'll just
    have to go all-out ourselves, too.
[14:04] Gen
    Let's show them what Earth
    is truly capable of.
[14:08] Gin
    Gramps...
[14:11] Kin
    We're first up, huh?
[14:14] Kin
    Oh, well.
[14:16] Kin
    If silver's not up to the task,
[14:19] Kin
    gold will have to pick up the slack.
[14:23] Kin
    From cleaning up after a
    moron to saving the world,
[14:25] Kin
    Odd Jobs Kin-chan will do anything.
[14:28] Shin
    Kin-san!
[14:30] Gin
    You!
[14:31] Kin
    Hey, defective protag.
[14:35] Kin
    The man I was modeled after is
    having trouble saving the world?
[14:40] Kin
    I'll take care of half the world.
[14:44] Kin
    Even a defective piece like you can
    handle the other half, I'm sure.
[14:50] Tama
    He never learns, does he?
[14:53] Tama
    Silver or gold, each of us is but a cog.
[14:59] Tama
    But if all of us cogs come together,
    we could turn the machine of the world.
[15:05] Gen
    As of now, Kabuki District is the
    cornerstone of humanity's defense.
[15:12] Gen
    The rest...
[15:13] Oto
    Yeah, you can leave it in our hands.
[15:15] Gin
    Gramps! Tama!
[15:17] Gin
    What are you thinking?!
[15:20] Gin
    Gramps!
[15:25] (Flashback) Sab
    What's the point of making
    these killing machines?
[15:28] (Flashback) Sab
    Didn't you always say you wanted to
    make machines that served mankind?
[15:34] (Flashback) Sab
    I loved watching you as you had fun
    tinkering with things while covered in grease.
[15:43] Gen
    And so, you joined the war instead of me
[15:47] Gen
    and died, leaving this geezer behind.
[15:52] Gen
    A lot has happened since then.
[15:54] Gen
    I met all kinds of people and
    had all kinds of thoughts.
[15:58] Gen
    Thoughts like why I survived,
[16:01] Gen
    and why I build machines.
[16:05] Gen
    The answer...
[16:12] Gen
    You and the people you brought
    into my life showed me.
[16:17] Gen
    The reason I built machines
    was all for this moment.
[16:23] G
    Wh-What is that massive cannon?!
[16:28] Gen
    Machines exist to serve and help people.
[16:34] Gen
    This is my answer...
[16:37] Gen
    The Neo Armstrong Cyclone
    Jet Armstrong Gengai Cannon!
[16:42] Shin
    It's just a dirty joke!
[16:44] Shin
    Earth grew a pens!
[16:50] Gen
    It's too late.
[16:53] Gen
    Right from the time we lost to you in
    the Joi War, all the way up to now,
[16:59] Gen
    I was secretly building
    this thing underground.
[17:04] Gen
    Tama, Kinnoji. Will you do it?
[17:08] Gen
    I need your help to power that thing up.
[17:13] Gen
    When gold and robot queen connect to the two
    control spheres and become crown jeels,
[17:19] Gen
    they can launch something
    from this pole here.
[17:21] Shin
    It's just a dirty joke!
[17:23] Tama
    We've already steeled ourselves, Gengai-sama.
[17:28] Kin
    Don't waste this golden cog,
[17:33] Kin
    gramps.
[17:36] Gen
    Thank you.
[17:39] Gen
    Back then, we didn't lose to you guys.
[17:44] Gen
    We lost to your science and
    technology—your machines.
[17:48] Gen
    But we absorbed your technology and evolved.
[17:54] Gen
    In order to never have the things we
    hold dear taken from us again,
[17:57] Gen
    we kept turning the cogs each and every day.
[18:00] Gen
    Amanto, I owe you for back then.
[18:03] Gen
    I'll repay you now.
[18:08] Gen
    Along with the scrap
    metal I fell in love with.
[18:31] Gen
    Machines all over Edo!
[18:35] Gen
    Let me borrow your cogs!
[18:38] Gen
    Show them what you're made of!
[18:45] Gen
    Go!
[19:08] G
    Wha...
[19:09] G
    What's this? Nothing happened...
[19:24] (Flashback) Tama
    Then,
[19:26] (Flashback) Tama
    the machine that will put
    a stop to the war is...
[19:29] (Flashback) Gen
    Yeah, it's not that big lug.
[19:32] (Flashback) Gen
    It's these tiny ones.
[19:34] (Flashback) Gen
    They're what are called nanomachines.
[19:38] (Flashback) Gen
    I've named them bees.
[19:42] (Flashback) Gen
    If launched through this thing,
    the bees will stay in the air
[19:46] (Flashback) Gen
    and infiltrate any machines.
[19:48] (Flashback) Gen
    And their virus will take
    over all the targets' systems
[19:54] (Flashback) Gen
    and halt their functions.
[19:58] (Flashback) Gen
    In other words...
[20:01] (Flashback) Gen
    they're machines that kill machines.
[20:04] (Flashback) Gen
    But it'd be pointless to stop the
    Liberation Army for a moment.
[20:09] (Flashback) Gen
    If we're using these, it must be to make
    a barrier that covers the whole country.
[20:14] (Flashback) Gen
    Basically, if humanity is to survive,
    we must abandon you guys.
[20:19] (Flashback) Gen
    Besides, the important
    thing to remember is...
[20:22] (Flashback) Kin
    ...when the cannon is frozen,
[20:25] (Flashback) Kin
    you'll need machines to take
    over from the system, right?
[20:31] (Flashback) Kin
    Who else could do that but us?
[20:34] (Flashback) Gen
    Kinnoji...
[20:35] (Flashback) Gen
    Do you realize what you're saying?
[20:37] (Flashback) Gen
    This is an absurd role that
    involves killing yourself!
[20:42] (Flashback) Kin
    But the world will end
    unless we do this, right?
[20:45] (Flashback) Kin
    Besides, I won't be fighting
    the Liberation Army.
[20:52] (Flashback) Kin
    It'll be that man.
[20:54] (Flashback) Kin
    The time has finally come to
    pay him back for back then.
[20:59] (Flashback) Kin
    If he's trying to save the
    world, I'll save it before him.
[21:04] (Flashback) Kin
    That's Sakata Kintoki's revenge.
[21:08] (Flashback) Kin
    Isn't that a golden idea, Tama-san?
[21:11] (Flashback) Tama
    The color gold is somewhat similar
    to poopy brown, isn't it?
[21:14] (Flashback) Kin
    Come on. I see you're as
    cold to machines as always.
[21:18] (Flashback) Tama
    But...
[21:20] (Flashback) Tama
    Deep down, you're a machine
    Gengai-sama made, too.
[21:25] (Flashback) Tama
    Gengai-sama, there is no need to worry.
[21:29] (Flashback) Tama
    We know.
[21:31] (Flashback) Tama
    Every machine that has been
    built with love knows.
[21:37] (Flashback) Tama
    We know what you felt as you
    turned the cogs day after day.
[21:47] (Flashback) Tama
    We know that machines exist to serve people.
[22:05] Gin
    Gramps!
[22:07] Gin
    Gramps!
[22:08] Gin
    Tama!
[22:11] Gin
    Tama!
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
[23:49] Tama
    We will meet again one day, for sure.
SIGN    Machines That Pick Up Useless Habits Are Called People
SIGN    The machines' resolve,
SIGN    and the humans' resolve.

E347 - Machines That Pick Up Useless Habits Are Called People

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Silver Soul
SIGN    Watch the Silver Soul Arc in a bright room
    and at a safe distance from your TV!!
[01:58] Gen
    Why are you dying without a word?
[02:01] Gen
    At least cough up a complaint
    or two before you go.
[02:09] Gen
    You pieces of junk normally
    never listen to me,
[02:13] Gen
    so why now, of all times,
[02:15] Gen
    do you look like fine machinery
[02:19] Gen
    as you silently break down?
[02:24] Gen
    "Machines exist to serve people"?
[02:28] Gen
    You're certainly right.
[02:31] Gen
    But if you guys didn't want to,
[02:35] Gen
    I wouldn't have minded one bit.
[02:42] Gen
    Even if you didn't serve any purpose,
    even if you were useless pieces of junk...
[02:48] Gen
    As long you guys, my friends, were beside me,
[02:54] Gen
    I was fully prepared to die with you!
[03:01] Gen
    And yet...
[03:04] Gen
    I'm sorry.
[03:09] Gen
    I'm so sorry.
[03:12] Gen
    I'm so, so sorry!
[03:17] Kin
    That man poured his heart and soul,
    his whole life, into machines,
[03:23] Kin
    and now he has to throw them
    all away to stop the war?
[03:26] Kin
    He's been forced to make a choice
    far more painful than death.
[03:31] Kin
    But we still can't turn tail.
[03:36] Kin
    Because we're machines
    built by Hiraga Gengai!
[03:44] Kin
    Have you said your goodbyes,
[03:48] Kin
    Tama-san?
[03:55] Tama
    No. There's no need for that.
[04:01] Tama
    Whatever may be destroyed or stolen,
[04:06] Tama
    they will surely take it all back.
[04:09] Tama
    We will meet again one day, for sure.
[04:14] Tama
    So I will not say goodbye to anyone.
[04:22] Kin
    That so?
[04:25] Kin
    Think it's possible?
[04:27] Kin
    Can they do it?
[04:31] Tama
    Of course. I'm sure they can.
[04:35] Tama
    After all, they're the people who
    took the dullest piece of gold
[04:39] Tama
    and polished it enough for
    it to save half the world.
[04:46] Kin
    They spared my life once, anyway.
[04:52] Kin
    So I'll leave it in their hands...
[04:55] Kin
    This life!
[04:57] Tama
    And the world!
[04:59] Bo
    Listen up, humanity!
[05:04] Bo
    We leave the rest to you!
[05:58] Tama
    I don't need to say goodbye.
[06:02] Tama
    If there's one thing I can say, it's this:
[06:09] Tama
    Before, I never hesitated to
    perform my duties as a machine.
[06:16] Tama
    I was just another screw.
[06:21] Tama
    But to those who filled me
    with so much pointless data,
[06:31] Tama
    to those who
[06:34] Tama
    turned me into this oil-drenched screw...
[06:40] Tama
    Thank you for being my friends.
[06:47] Gin
    Tama!
[07:00] Shin
    On that day, the machines chose to
    quit being functioning machinery
[07:07] Shin
    and became completely
    useless friends of ours.
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
SIGN    Machines That Pick Up Useless Habits Are Called People
[07:20] G
    We've totally lost contact with Earth!
[07:23] G
    No word on the well-being
    of the squads in action!
[07:24] G
    Even the battleships on standby in
    the main formation are being affected!
[07:31] En
    What is going on?
[07:34] Sak
    Too bad.
[07:37] Sak
    They wanted you ta have the best seats
    to see the fireworks, Shogun-sama,
[07:41] Sak
    but it seems they were all wet and soggy.
[07:44] Sak
    We're tired of standin' around.
[07:46] Sak
    Could you send us back ta
    where our friends are?
[07:52] En
    Wait.
[07:53] Nb
    No need. I can tell what happened
    without having to see it.
[07:57] Nb
    I believe I told you
[08:00] Nb
    that we will not lose!
[08:05] G
    Whoa. They sank all of the
    Liberation Army's battleships!
[08:11] Tae
    Tama-san...
[08:13] Cat
    Otose-san, you don't think they...
[08:19] Oto
    They'll come back, no matter what.
[08:25] Gen
    You got into a huge fight with
    machines from all over the universe.
[08:30] Gen
    Get a little rest for now.
[08:34] Gen
    But know that I'll repair you and
    work you to the bone again...
[08:39] Gen
    No matter what.
[08:43] Gen
    It's a promise.
[08:45] Gen
    So let us...
[08:49] Oto
    Let humanity take care of the rest.
[08:54] Oto
    This place is your home...
[09:00] Bo
    And we swear to protect it!
[09:07] Kon
    Even firearms have been neutralized
    because of their inner machinery.
[09:11] Kon
    That old man and his robots did it.
[09:14] Kon
    They really saved half the world!
[09:18] Zen
    Man, this sucks.
[09:20] Zen
    I'd finally prepared myself
    for the worst here.
[09:23] Zen
    Don't be getting my hopes up again.
[09:26] Zen
    Technology and weapons?
[09:28] Zen
    Are those the only areas
    we were overwhelmed in?
[09:34] Zen
    Did you forget about numbers?
[09:39] Dak
    The battle is only getting started.
[09:41] Dak
    Damn earthlings had a pretty
    amusing trick up their sleeve.
[09:45] Dak
    But we still have weapons right here...
[09:49] Dak
    We Dakini, feared as tanks of destruction.
[09:54] G
    Sotatsu-sama...
[09:56] Sot
    We'll have him carry the load.
[09:59] Sot
    I have no interest in
    revenge, freedom, or glory.
[10:03] Sot
    But we will take all the spoils.
[10:07] Kag
    Are those guys going to head
    toward the Kabuki District?
[10:11] Shin
    If such a huge army marches in there...
[10:14] Gin
    They knew that all along.
[10:18] Hij
    The geezer and the others used the Kabuki
    District as bait knowing this would happen.
[10:23] Zen
    The most important thing in war
    is predicting the enemy's moves.
[10:28] Kon
    Right now, it's obvious where they
    will go and what they're after.
[10:35] Kon
    Right now, we might be
    able to cause a miracle.
[10:38] Kon
    Edo's biggest hoodlum district
    has given Edo one last hope.
[10:47] Oto
    Close the gates!
SIGN    Kabuki District First
SIGN    Earth Defense Town
SIGN    Kabuki District First
[11:00] Tae
    All right.
[11:01] Tae
    This is mankind's final stronghold.
[11:05] Tae
    Until our friends across Edo come here,
[11:07] Tae
    we must hold out no matter what.
[11:13] Cat
    We don't have any means of communication.
[11:16] Cat
    Will anyone really come for us?
[11:18] Tae
    They will.
[11:20] Tae
    We don't need to communicate.
    They already know.
[11:32] Dak
    Charge!
[11:39] Tae
    They know how much
[11:42] Tae
    we all love this town.
[11:57] Dak
    Charge!
[12:06] Zen
    The enemy's target is the cannon.
[12:09] Zen
    They think destroying it will fix
[12:12] Zen
    their broken machines and
    reestablish contact with their rear.
[12:16] Zen
    They have huge numbers,
    but that's also their weakness.
[12:20] Zen
    If we poke at them from multiple
    sides and make then panic,
[12:22] Zen
    they'll soon lose their footing
    and go out of control.
[12:26] Zen
    That said, be careful.
[12:27] Zen
    Don't go in too deep. Keep your distance.
[12:31] Sac
    We know.
[12:32] Sac
    Kabuki District's residents risked
    it all to give us this ray of hope.
[12:36] Sac
    We won't let it be in vain!
[12:40] G
    Vice Chief!
[12:40] G
    We're ready!
[12:43] Hij
    Think we can do this?
[12:44] G
    If we set up that many, it should work.
[12:47] Hij
    Listen up.
[12:48] Hij
    Consider this battle lost if
    they reach the Kabuki District.
[12:52] Hij
    We'll strike at the center of their
    long formation and split them up.
[12:55] Kon
    After that, how many do
    we each have to cut down?
[12:59] Hij
    Let's see...
[13:01] Hij
    If you cut down two hundred
    each, I'll give you a bonus.
[13:04] G
    Two hundred?
[13:05] Oki
    Then if I cut down a thousand,
    the position of vice chief is mine?
[13:12] Hij
    I'll consider it.
[13:13] G
    Wow, the vice chief finally
    gave his blessing!
[13:15] G
    If Captain Okita becomes vice chief,
    the world will end anyway.
[13:20] Ymz
    You can say that again.
[13:22] Ymz
    But if it's going to end either way,
    that way sounds like it'd be more fun.
[13:26] Kon
    Yeah, I feel the same way.
[13:30] Kon
    At this point, whether the world ends or not,
[13:33] Kon
    it's not the Shinsengumi if
    we're not protecting Edo.
[13:36] Kon
    And whether the world ends or not,
[13:38] Kon
    it's not Odd Jobs if they're not
    raising hell in the Kabuki District.
[13:42] Kon
    Your resting place will find its own
    way to you at the end of your life.
[13:48] Kon
    Go live your life,
[13:51] Kon
    Odd Jobs.
[14:06] Kon
    Let's go!
[14:22] Mut
    How'd Earth look?
[14:24] Sak
    They're doin' well ta hold out.
    You could call it a miracle.
[14:29] Sak
    But given the difference in
    numbers, that won't last long.
[14:32] Sak
    Unless we stop this war while
    they're still hangin' in there,
[14:37] Sak
    there won't be any more miracles.
[14:40] Shi
    Do you have any ideas?
[14:43] Shi
    Actually, even if you did, it's too late now.
[14:48] Shi
    I've done a horrible thing to you earthlings.
[14:51] Shi
    Even though I agreed to
    a ceasefire with you,
[14:54] Shi
    I couldn't stop that man.
[14:59] Nb
    Admiral Shijaku? You're imprisoned, too?
[15:03] Shi
    The Liberation Army's flame of revenge
    has grown too large to stamp out.
[15:08] Shi
    It won't stop until it burns
    everything in its path.
[15:10] Sak
    If we can't stamp it out,
    we just gotta direct it elsewhere.
[15:14] Sak
    There's someone else we both must fight.
[15:19] Shi
    If you mean the Tendoshu, they're already...
[15:21] Sak
    Nah, there's still one.
[15:23] Sak
    And if we keep fightin' like this,
    not only will you not get your revenge,
[15:28] Sak
    you'll be helpin' him reach
    his goal of destroyin' Earth.
[15:32] Shi
    What do you people know?
[15:36] Sak
    Let's see...
[15:38] Sak
    We know that you're the only trustworthy
    man in the Liberation Army, at least.
[15:45] Sak
    Shijaku, if you truly care
    about the Liberation Army,
[15:49] Sak
    if you truly wish to give the
    universe its freedom back,
[15:52] Sak
    then help us.
[15:54] Sak
    It's not too late.
[15:58] Shi
    That's not the kind of
    line you say in a prison.
[16:01] Shi
    You people are now completely isolated
    from the rest of the universe—
[16:06] Sak
    You realized, huh?
[16:08] Sak
    We were prepared for everythin'
    once we were summoned here.
[16:13] Sak
    And we've already laid the groundwork.
[16:19] Shi
    Another squad?
[16:21] Shi
    You predicted that things could go south
    and split your squad into two beforehand?
[16:25] Sak
    A stealth ship, our Kaientai's pride and joy!
[16:29] Sak
    It must be approachin' this HQ by now.
[16:32] Sak
    Once I give the word,
    they'll come chargin' aboard.
[16:35] Sak
    It's time ta make our comeback, Zura.
[16:37] Kat
    I'm not Zura. I'm Inmate Number 3692.
[16:41] Sak
    Oh, sorry. Wrong number.
[16:44] Mut
    What happened?
[16:45] Sak
    Radioed the wrong person.
[16:47] Sak
    That wasn't Zura. It was 3692.
[16:50] Kat
    I'm not 3692. I'm Katsura.
[16:54] Sak
    Wait, you're imprisoned, too?
[16:56] Sak
    Wait a second! Where the hell are you?
[17:00] Sak
    Didn't I tell you to take care of
    things if anything happened ta us?
[17:03] Kat
    Relax. We're another squad.
[17:05] Kat
    We were caught for a reason
    totally unrelated to yours.
[17:08] Sak
    That's how you differentiate yourselves?
[17:09] Kat
    The thing is, after we split up from you,
[17:11] Kat
    something unexpected happened
    while we were standing by.
[17:14] (Flashback) Kat
    Men, prepare to charge in at any time.
[17:18] (Flashback) G
    Whoa!
[17:19] (Flashback) G
    What's the matter?
[17:20] (Flashback) G
    Well, an enemy ship just
    passed right in front of us.
[17:24] (Flashback) Kat
    Fret not. They cannot see us.
[17:28] (Flashback) Kat
    This is a stealth ship, after all.
[17:29] (Flashback) G
    A-Are you sure they can't see us?
[17:32] (Flashback) G
    I feel like they've been
    circling us for a while.
[17:34] (Flashback) Kat
    You're overthinking it.
[17:36] (Flashback) G
    But Katsura-san, have you ever actually
    seen a stealth ship's exterior?
[17:40] (Flashback) G
    What do we look like from the outside?
[17:43] (Flashback) G
    And what is "stealth," anyway?
[17:45] (Flashback) Kat
    Stealth, well...
[17:49] (Flashback) Kat
    It must be see-through, or something.
[17:52] (Flashback) Kat
    Wait!
[17:53] (Flashback) Kat
    Even if the ship is see-through, we aren't!
[17:56] (Flashback) Kat
    Which means...
[17:59] (Flashback) Kat
    We're totally visible!
SIGN    You're wrong, Katsura-san. This ship and all of us on it can't be seen from the outside.
[18:04] (Flashback) Kat
    O-Oh, okay. So everything is
    see-through, including us?
[18:08] (Flashback) Kat
    Wait!
[18:09] (Flashback) Kat
    Even if we are see-through,
    what we take in from the outside
[18:12] (Flashback) Kat
    and all of its residue...
[18:16] (Flashback) Kat
    It's totally visible!
SIGN    You're wrong, Katsura-san. Stealth here refers to technology that conceals an object using camouflage which adapts to the surrounding scenery.
[18:22] (Flashback) Kat
    Oh, is that how it is? I see.
[18:24] (Flashback) Kat
    So even if our insides are visible,
[18:27] (Flashback) Kat
    this technology will make the ship
    adapt to that and hide us all.
[18:30] (Flashback) Kat
    It's totally visible after all!
[18:34] (Flashback) Kat
    Damn you, Sakamoto!
[18:35] (Flashback) Kat
    How dare you make us ride
    this piece of junk?!
SIGN    Forget it.
[18:38] (Flashback) Kat
    Men, hurry up and camouflage yourselves!
[18:41] (Flashback) Kat
    Turn off the lights!
[18:42] (Flashback) Kat
    Hide your presence!
[18:43] (Flashback) Kat
    Become one with space!
[18:45] (Flashback) Kat
    You are nothing! Blend in with
    the space all around you!
[18:48] (Flashback) Kat
    You are a part of space, and space itself!
[18:54] (Flashback) G
    Uh, Katsura-san?
[18:56] (Flashback) G
    We can't see anything.
[19:02] Kat
    So yeah, we rammed into some ship
    thanks to your piece of junk.
[19:07] Sak
    You mean thanks to the junk you call a brain!
[19:09] Kat
    Before we knew it, we'd been surrounded
    and captured by some strange group.
[19:14] Sak
    Not the Liberation Army?
[19:16] Kat
    Yeah, not them.
[19:17] Kat
    They're a weird bunch with something
    indecent-looking growing from their foreheads.
[19:22] Kat
    You know what they said to us?
[19:24] Kat
    "We didn't capture you.
    We took you into our care."
[19:30] Kat
    This ship exists to safeguard the
    species of Earth from its demise...
[19:34] Hata
    Noah's Ark.
[19:36] Jii
    Truly.
[19:37] Hata
    Good job gathering all of these, Gramps.
[19:40] Jii
    Thank you.
[19:41] Jii
    We took advantage of the chaos of war and
    went around cattle mutilating everything.
[19:45] Jii
    That planet is doomed to destruction.
    Anyone who would complain is going to die, too.
[19:50] Hata
    Yes. If anything, they should be thanking me.
[19:53] Hata
    I'm saving these animals from extinction
    and even making them my pets.
SIGN    Mongrel
[19:58] Hata
    But couldn't you take a more uniform
    sample? This is really lopsided.
SIGN    Matsudaira Dog
SIGN    Watanabe Dog
[20:02] Jii
    Dogs are a truly diverse species.
SIGN    Shimura Dog
[20:06] Hata
    Oh, really?
[20:09] Hata
    And this one's dead!
SIGN    Underdog
[20:12] Jii
    That's a loser underdog.
[20:15] Jii
    Believe it or not, it's actually alive.
[20:18] Hata
    Is that true?!
[20:19] Jii
    It can't protect its loved
    ones or die with them.
[20:23] Jii
    It's a creature that goes through
    life simply withering away.
[20:26] Hata
    I see. Such a pitiful creature.
[20:30] Hata
    But don't worry. I won't let you die.
[20:33] Hata
    Even if you suffer so much you want to die,
[20:36] Hata
    I won't let you die.
[20:37] Hata
    You're my dear pet.
[20:39] Hata
    Anyway, I heard you captured a new species?
[20:43] Jii
    Oh, it's over there.
SIGN    Joi Rebill
[20:45] Jii
    It seems our men picked them up
    after our ship ran them over.
[20:50] Hata
    Joi Rebill?
[20:52] Hata
    Like a type of billed duck?
[20:54] Hata
    Hey, are you cleaning the cage?
[20:57] Hata
    All I can see is dung!
    The thing's nowhere to be found!
[20:59] Jii
    Ah, the old zoo cliché.
[21:01] Jii
    A cage where you can't see
    the animal, wait as you may,
[21:03] Jii
    and can only see its poop all over.
[21:05] Hata
    Look, forget about the cliché.
    Where's the Joi Rebill?
[21:08] Jii
    That's a zoo cliché, too.
[21:09] Jii
    You think it's poop, but it was
    actually a coiled-up Joi Rebill.
[21:12] Hata
    That's a Joi Rebill? Joi Rebills coil up?!
[21:19] Jii
    P-Prince!
[21:21] Kat
    You'd best be careful.
[21:22] Kat
    Joi Rebills adapt to their surroundings
    and hide their presence.
[21:27] Kat
    Do you know what that's called?
[21:31] Kat
    Stealth.
[21:32] G
    Unhand the prince!
[21:34] Kat
    An ark to safeguard the species?
[21:37] Kat
    Don't be such cheapskates.
[21:41] Kat
    Why not build an ark big enough
    to save the entire planet?
[21:49] Hata
    No, wait... Don't...
[21:53] ---
    I'm... I'm gonna... I'm gonna... I'm gonna...
[22:04] Hata
    I puked...
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Preview
[23:39] King
    I don't have long left.
[23:41] King
    So I must resolve this problem before I go.
[23:46] G
    That's what you call a king.
[23:49] E
    My name is Dragonia.
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
SIGN    Men Must Live Not Long
    or Thick, but Hard
SIGN    Huh? Wait a second.
SIGN    What kind of story is starting up here?
SIGN    What about the gang in space? Who the hell is Dragonia?
SIGN    If that's what you're thinking, look forward to next week!

E348 - Men Must Live Not Long Nor Thick, but Hard

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:05] (Flashback) K
    Men,
[00:07] (Flashback) K
    I called you here for one reason:
SIGN    Watch the Silver Soul Arc in a bright room
    and at a safe distance from your TV!!
[00:11] (Flashback) K
    there is an issue causing
    unrest in the court,
[00:14] (Flashback) K
    and I felt the need to
    discuss it immediately.
[00:19] (Flashback) K
    I have heard all about it.
[00:21] (Flashback) K
    Ever since I fell sick,
[00:23] (Flashback) K
    the struggle for the right to succeed
    me as king of Planet Okoku
[00:28] (Flashback) K
    has split you all into two factions
[00:30] (Flashback) K
    that are locked in an ugly
    conflict over succession.
[00:34] (Flashback) K
    This is all my fault for being weak.
[00:40] (Flashback) K
    I don't have long left.
[00:42] (Flashback) K
    So I must resolve this problem before I go.
[00:47] (Flashback) Jii
    Your Highness, you needn't
    trouble yourself with this.
[00:51] (Flashback) Jii
    Our utmost desire is to see you remain
    on the throne for as long as possible.
[00:57] (Flashback) Jii
    Please leave the administration
    to us and focus on recovering.
[01:02] (Flashback) Jii
    Prince Hata is leading us
    retainers in your stead.
[01:08] (Flashback) Jii
    His kind heart, filled with
    love for every living being,
[01:13] (Flashback) Jii
    is propping us all up.
[01:15] (Flashback) Jii
    He will surely be a wonderful king.
[01:19] (Flashback) Dan
    Kindness?
[01:21] (Flashback) Dan
    Nes, are you saying that
    qualifies him to be king?
[01:25] (Flashback) Dan
    Can a "kind" prince who ignores
    national affairs to dote on animals
[01:29] (Flashback) Dan
    really protect the subjects?
[01:30] (Flashback) Jii
    Dan! You dare to insult the
    prince in front of the king?!
[01:34] (Flashback) Dan
    I'm prepared to sacrifice
    my life to say this.
[01:38] (Flashback) Dan
    Your Highness!
[01:39] (Flashback) Dan
    Only Prince Barkas can lead
    this country and its people!
[01:44] (Flashback) Dan
    His acumen in military
    strategy, his political savvy,
[01:47] (Flashback) Dan
    and above all, his status as the eldest
    son make him truly fit to be king!
[01:51] (Flashback) Dan
    So why hasn't he been appointed successor?
[01:54] (Flashback) Jii
    Dan, don't cause any more political
    unrest than you already have.
[01:57] (Flashback) Dan
    Shut up!
[01:57] (Flashback) Dan
    You're just a hyena who wants
    to leech off of Prince Hata!
[02:01] (Flashback) Jii
    Hmph. You know very well why
    he hasn't been made successor.
[02:05] (Flashback) Jii
    Prince Barkas certainly is brilliant
    and has a personality fit to be king.
[02:11] (Flashback) Jii
    But there is one kingly quality that
    he crucially loses out to Prince Hata on.
[02:19] (Flashback) Jii
    That's right. He is tiny!
[02:23] (Flashback) Jii
    Oh, pardon me. I forgot that
    you're pretty small yourself.
[02:27] (Flashback) Jii
    I mean the symbol of our
    race's males and our pride:
SIGN    Peerinitis
[02:30] (Flashback) Jii
    Peerinitis.
[02:32] (Flashback) Jii
    Or, for short, Penis!
SIGN    Penis
[02:34] (Flashback) Jii
    Since ancient times, a male's worth has
    been decided by his forehead Penis's size,
[02:39] (Flashback) Jii
    and we've placed utmost importance on it.
[02:41] (Flashback) Jii
    Regardless of everything else,
    the one with the bigger Penis is better.
[02:44] (Flashback) Jii
    The one with the bigger
    Penis is more popular.
[02:46] (Flashback) Jii
    The one with the bigger Penis
    has an easier time hailing taxis.
[02:48] (Flashback) Jii
    The one with the bigger Penis
    is a superior creature!
[02:52] (Flashback) Jii
    The royal family is no exception.
[02:55] (Flashback) Jii
    Even if he was born first,
    even if he's hugely talented,
[02:59] (Flashback) Jii
    one with a tiny Penis
    has no right to be king!
[03:05] (Flashback) Jii
    Because while hard work can
    make up for a lack of talent,
[03:08] (Flashback) Jii
    nothing can be done about Penis size!
[03:11] (Flashback) Jii
    You want to ignore that tradition
    and make a tiny man king?!
[03:14] (Flashback) Jii
    Have some shame!
[03:16] (Flashback) Dan
    H-He's not tiny! Even the prince
    is average when erect...
[03:19] (Flashback) G
    Dan, don't go there.
    Don't bring up erections.
[03:21] (Flashback) Jii
    If you bring that up, Prince Hata is
    much bigger when he has a chub, too!
[03:25] (Flashback) G
    Nes, don't go there. Don't bring up chubs.
[03:28] (Flashback) Dan
    I'm saying that the tradition
    is a blight on our race!
[03:31] (Flashback) Dan
    Can one rule the country with one's Penis?
[03:33] (Flashback) Dan
    Even if he has a small Penis, a talented
    man will build a better country!
[03:37] (Flashback) Dan
    Who cares about a Penis?
    What is a Penis, anyway?!
[03:41] (Flashback) Jii
    Are you insulting His Highness?
[03:43] (Flashback) Jii
    He became king solely through
    the size of his Penis!
[03:46] (Flashback) Jii
    If you took his Penis away,
    what would he have left?
[03:48] (Flashback) Jii
    Just water, that's what!
[03:49] (Flashback) Dan
    You're the one insulting him!
[03:51] (Flashback) Dan
    His Highness has plenty of
    virtues aside from his Penis.
[03:53] (Flashback) Jii
    What are they? Enlighten us!
[03:54] (Flashback) Dan
    U-Uh, you know, he has an
    easier time hailing taxis!
[03:57] (Flashback) Jii
    That's because he has a big Penis!
[03:59] (Flashback) Jii
    His Highness has nothing but his Penis!
    He has to stake it all on his Penis!
[04:02] (Flashback) Jii
    Turn it around, and it means even a blockhead
    can be competent if he has a big Penis.
[04:07] (Flashback) Jii
    As long as he has a big Penis,
    everything else will work itself out!
[04:09] (Flashback) Jii
    Right, Your Highness?
[04:13] (Flashback) Jii
    Your Highness!
[04:14] (Flashback) Jii
    Hang in there, Peni— Your Highness!
[04:17] (Flashback) Dan
    Call a doctor!
[04:20] (Flashback) Jii
    Your Highness, please tell us before you go!
[04:23] (Flashback) Dan
    Who will be the next king?
[04:24] (Flashback) Jii
    The one with the big Penis?
[04:26] (Flashback) Dan
    The one who has a smaller
    Penis but is capable?
[04:28] (Flashback) Jii
    Big Penis?
[04:29] (Flashback) Dan
    Smaller Penis but capable?
[04:30] (Flashback) Bo
    Your Highness!
[04:34] (Flashback) K
    Th-The one... who has a big
    Penis... and is capable...
[04:45] (Flashback) Bark
    I suppose Father could
    never forget about Brother.
[04:51] (Flashback) Bark
    Our elder brother,
[04:53] (Flashback) Bark
    First Prince of Planet Okoku, Dragonia.
[04:58] (Flashback) Bark
    A hero who was hailed as
    the Nine-Dragon Prince.
[05:01] (Flashback) Bark
    At the young age of five, his Penis
    was as long as a dragon's whisker,
SIGN    5 years old
[05:05] (Flashback) Bark
    and his talents threatened to pierce
    the heavens, like a dragon's horns.
[05:11] (Flashback) Bark
    They said that the country was
    sure to prosper if he became king.
[05:18] (Flashback) Bark
    But the massive size of his
    Penis led to tragedy,
[05:21] (Flashback) Bark
    and he left us all behind.
[05:24] (Flashback) Bark
    That's what you call a king.
[05:27] (Flashback) Hata
    Th-That's not true, Brother!
[05:30] (Flashback) Hata
    You're just as good! It's just, your Penis...
[05:35] (Flashback) Hata
    Sorry.
[05:36] (Flashback) Bark
    Don't say that, Hata.
[05:38] (Flashback) Bark
    In these peaceful times, a kind man
    like you is better suited to be king.
[05:44] (Flashback) Bark
    But if I remain here, that
    peace won't last long.
[05:49] (Flashback) Bark
    Fighting will surely break
    out over the throne.
[05:52] (Flashback) Bark
    Become a kind king who loves
    all living beings, Hata.
[06:01] (Flashback) Hata
    Brother...
[06:06] Hata
    Brother...
[06:09] Hata
    Close shave! I died for a moment just now!
[06:13] Hata
    What's this? What's going
    on right now, again?
[06:15] G
    Unhand the prince, you knave!
[06:18] Kat
    Prince Half-Wit... I'd heard
    that you love animals,
[06:22] Kat
    but to think you'd build an ark
    to keep Earth's species alive...
[06:27] Kat
    I see you in a new light now.
[06:28] Kat
    But there's something
    you should keep in mind.
[06:31] Kat
    Earth also has savage beasts
    that you can't handle.
[06:35] Kat
    Send word to your country at once!
[06:38] Kat
    "The prince's life is in danger!
[06:40] Kat
    Gather up all the troops in the
    country and rush to his aid!
[06:45] Kat
    The entire army of Planet Okoku must
    make the prince's wish come true.
[06:49] Kat
    We must rise up to protect Earth
    and stop the Liberation Army!"
[06:54] Sak
    Zura! You...
[06:56] Sak
    In this desperate situation,
[06:57] Sak
    are you trying to find Earth an ally?
[07:00] Hat
    Are you out of your mind?!
[07:01] Hat
    You want us to fight the
    entire universe for you lot?!
[07:05] Kat
    I'm not telling you to fight.
[07:07] Kat
    The Liberation Army is
    currently rooted to Earth.
[07:11] Kat
    They think it has no allies
    across the universe.
[07:14] Kat
    What do you think will happen if
    an allied army suddenly shows up?
SIGN    Liberation Army
[07:19] Kat
    All you need to do is draw
    the enemy's attention.
SIGN    Okoku Army
[07:22] Kat
    After that, you're free to flee if you want.
SIGN    Not Zura,
    Katsura
[07:24] Kat
    We'll take that opportunity to take over
    the Liberation Army's HQ and stop the war.
[07:30] Kat
    This way, you can protect
    all of Earth's species.
[07:33] Hata
    Screw you! Our own species
    could die out from this!
[07:36] Hata
    Besides, why should I care
    about Earth's survival?
[07:39] Hata
    I was just building a collection!
    Who the hell brought this stray dog in?!
[07:43] Jii
    Your orders were to take in species
    from Earth at random, Prince.
[07:47] Hata
    Can't you tell the difference
[07:48] Hata
    between species that are better off dead
    and ones that need protection, geezer?!
[07:51] Jii
    Understood, Prince.
[07:54] Jii
    Hey, get rid of the Joi Rebills
    along with that white pig.
[07:57] Hata
    Sorry about that. Protect the pig, okay?
[07:59] Hata
    The pig can live, don't you think?
[08:02] Jii
    Don't you get it?
[08:03] Jii
    Right now, your life isn't in the hands
    of the Joi Rebills or the Liberation Army,
[08:08] Jii
    but this old man here!
[08:10] Jii
    Where's your reply, pig?
[08:12] Hata
    O-Oink!
[08:13] Jii
    Hear that, men?
[08:15] Jii
    To protect our country,
    the prince is acting like a pig
[08:18] Jii
    and telling you to shoot him and the enemy.
[08:21] Jii
    Pull the trigger.
[08:22] Hata
    Nothing's changed!
[08:24] Mad
    That stray dog
[08:26] Mad
    ain't the only one in here.
[08:30] Mad
    Why not get rid of it along
    with the baa-ing white goat?
[08:35] Hata
    You!
[08:36] Kat
    You sure took your time,
    Chief of Immigration.
[08:39] Mad
    Yeah. Sorry to keep you waiting.
[08:42] Mad
    I had to get up from clinging to
    the ground and drag myself here.
[08:46] Mad
    Cut me some slack.
[08:47] Mad
    A loser underdog has his own way of flying.
[08:52] Mad
    I munched on dog food and did the
    dog paddle to get all the way here.
[08:57] Mad
    Now, shall we be on our way, Master?
[09:00] Kat
    It's time for a walk.
[09:02] Jii
    No! I don't want to die, but I don't want
    to fight the Liberation Army, either!
[09:06] Hata
    Serves you right! This is what
    you get for getting carried away!
[09:08] Jii
    It's all your fault for bringing this guy
    in to get your revenge, Prince Hog!
[09:12] Hata
    Hasegawa-san! Kill that geezer already!
[09:14] Jii
    Hey, Joi Rebills! I'll work with
    you, so kill that pig prince!
[09:17] Hata
    Somebody shut that geezer up! Fire!
[09:20] Jii
    Go ahead and fire! But make
    sure to kill that pig after me!
[09:23] Hata
    Fire, now!
[09:24] Jii
    Open fire!
[09:32] Dan
    I opened fire,
[09:34] Dan
    just as you ordered.
[09:37] Hata
    Dan, you!
[09:46] Kat
    Gunfire?
[09:47] Kat
    Zura, what's going on?!
[09:49] Kat
    Zura!
[09:54] Dan
    I have waited a long time for this.
[09:57] Dan
    I've waited ever since you
    people exiled Prince Barkas
[10:02] Dan
    for this moment when I could wipe out
    the morons with nothing but big Penises
[10:05] Dan
    and establish a country of tiny ones.
[10:08] Dan
    If we joined forces with Earth,
[10:11] Dan
    not only would our country get wiped
    out, but also our entire planet.
[10:15] Dan
    At least be of use to the
    country with your dying breath,
[10:18] Dan
    by disappearing from this world
    along with your incompetent Penises.
[10:21] Kat
    Elizabeth... Hey, Elizabeth!
[10:24] Dan
    But before you go, I have
    something to ask you.
[10:29] Dan
    Why did you stay a prince even
    after you took over the country?
[10:33] Dan
    Why'd you leave the throne empty
    instead of becoming king?!
[10:41] Shi
    But you do have a king.
[10:43] Shi
    A capable man with a huge Penis,
[10:46] Shi
    the Nine-Dragon Prince, Dragonia.
[10:49] Shi
    Back then, you said this...
[10:54] (Flashback) Hata
    Brother, he's right here.
[10:58] (Flashback) Hata
    With his big Penis and vast
    talents... He's right here.
[11:02] (Flashback) Hata
    I have a big Penis,
[11:04] (Flashback) Hata
    and you're overflowing with talent.
[11:07] (Flashback) Hata
    If we work together, we can be Dragonia.
[11:11] (Flashback) Hata
    So I'll remain a prince and wait.
[11:18] Shi
    "Wait for the other half of me and Dragonia."
[11:24] Shi
    Dan, stand down!
[11:26] Shi
    Who do you think that man is?
[11:29] Shi
    Who do you think we are?
[11:37] Shi
    It's the return of the king.
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Silver Soul
[13:19] Shi
    Leaving my kid brother alone,
[13:21] Shi
    I left the country
[13:24] Shi
    so that the peaceful country would
    have a kind king befitting it,
[13:32] Shi
    believing that there'd be a country
    out there that suited me more.
[13:50] (Flashback) En
    Oh? I didn't know our lukewarm
    neighbors had a fiery man like you.
[13:56] (Flashback) En
    Who are you?
[14:00] (Flashback) Shi
    On a battlefield, both princes and laymen
    fall to the ground equally as corpses.
[14:08] (Flashback) Shi
    Isn't that right, Prince Ensho?
[14:11] Shi
    I cast aside my name,
    my status, and my Penis,
[14:14] Shi
    and kept fighting in search
    of a country of my own.
[14:18] Shi
    But the place at the end of my journey
[14:22] Shi
    was here after all.
[14:25] Shi
    My little brother, Hata.
[14:28] Shi
    Seeing you still waiting for me
    to return made me realize
[14:32] Shi
    that I was merely running away.
[14:36] Shi
    The battlefield I belonged on was
    in front of my eyes all along.
[14:42] Shi
    Hata, forgive me. I made you fight
    all by yourself for so long.
[14:48] Shi
    But I will not run away anymore.
[14:52] Shi
    Even if standing beside my kid brother
    with a big Penis covers me in disgrace,
[14:58] Shi
    even if the responsibility of being a
    great prince's kid brother crushes me,
[15:04] Shi
    I will fight alongside you!
[15:07] Shi
    Exposing this tiny Penis for all to see!
[15:12] Shi
    Men, we are the great Okoku Kingdom's king,
[15:16] Shi
    Dragonia!
[15:20] Jii
    P-Prince?
[15:22] Dan
    No way... He was alive?
[15:25] Shi
    Dan, you people once tried to make me king.
[15:30] Shi
    Could you lower your guns
    out of respect for me?
[15:36] Shi
    This is no time to be
    fighting over Penis sizes.
[15:40] Shi
    Both tiny and big must join
    Penises and fight together.
[15:44] Shi
    To that end, the big Hata and
    the tiny me will become king!
[15:49] Shi
    Let's work together and take
    down the Liberation—
[15:52] Dan
    Don't be fooled!
[15:53] Dan
    He died a long time ago!
[15:55] Dan
    Exorcise the specter that threatens
    to lead our tiny Penis faction astray!
[15:58] Shi
    You can't believe, Dan?
[16:00] Shi
    Then come see me! I'll show you my
    Penis that's just as tiny as yours!
[16:05] Dan
    Wh-What are you doing? Hurry up and fire.
[16:07] G
    B-But Minister, that huge Penis is definitely...
[16:12] Shi
    Huge penis?
[16:13] Shi
    Huh? Who are you talking about?
[16:22] Kat
    E-Elizabeth...
[16:24] G
    The hell is that?
[16:25] G
    Something outrageous came out of
    Elizabeth-san after he got knocked out!
[16:29] Jii
    Prince, you might not remember
    because you were so young,
[16:34] Jii
    but I have never once forgotten the sight.
[16:39] Jii
    That giant Penis that looks
    like a dragon's whisker
[16:42] Jii
    definitely belongs to the eldest of
    the three princes of Planet Okoku,
[16:46] Jii
    the one who was considered
    to have died in an accident,
[16:49] Jii
    the legendary Nine-Dragon Prince, Dragonia!
[16:56] ---
    That's what you meant?!
[16:58] Shi
    There was another prince there, too?
[17:00] Shi
    Was nobody listening to me at all?
[17:03] Shi
    Hey, Hata? Dan?
[17:04] Shi
    Are you listening to me?
[17:05] Dan
    Fire! Hurry up and fire!
SIGN    Eight One Two Seven Nine Three Six Five Four
SIGN    One
SIGN    Two
SIGN    Three
SIGN    Four
SIGN    Five
SIGN    Six
SIGN    Seven
SIGN    Eight
SIGN    Nine
SIGN    One
SIGN    Two
SIGN    Three
SIGN    Four
SIGN    Five
SIGN    Six
SIGN    Seven
SIGN    Eight
SIGN    Nine
SIGN    One
SIGN    Two
SIGN    Three
SIGN    Four
SIGN    Five
SIGN    Six
SIGN    Seven
SIGN    Eight
SIGN    Nine
SIGN    Nine-Headed Dragon Thrash
SIGN    Nine-Headed Dragon Thrash!
SIGN    One
SIGN    Two
SIGN    Three
SIGN    Four
SIGN    Five
SIGN    Six
SIGN    Seven
SIGN    Eight
SIGN    Nine
[17:21] Jii
    What power!
[17:23] Jii
    A technique most worthy of Nine-Dragon,
    said to possess nine Penis heads.
[17:27] Hata
    Gramps, forget a worthy Nine-Dragon
    technique, isn't that just a rip-off?
[17:30] Hata
    Isn't it just Nine-Headed Dragon Trash?
[17:34] Jii
    You're alive, Prince Dragonia?
[17:37] Hata
    You're letting them out?
[17:38] Jii
    You look different now, but I've never
    forgotten how your Penis looked.
[17:42] Hata
    Hey, Gramps! You call it a Penis,
    but it might actually be one!
[17:45] Hata
    It might be the one that
    hangs from the crotch!
[17:48] Kat
    Elizabeth, you...
[17:55] Penis
    Katsura-san, I've always lived through
    life not knowing anything about myself.
[17:59] Hata
    Uh, Gramps? The Penis is talking!
[18:01] Penis
    Who was I, and where was I born?
[18:04] Penis
    I've lived my life never thinking
    about that or questioning it.
[18:08] Hata
    Hey, Gramps! Which one's Brother here?
[18:11] Hata
    Which one's the actual body?
    Is this what he was like?
[18:13] Penis
    But when I hit my head hard just
    now, I feel like I caught a glimpse.
[18:18] Penis
    I think I once had an accident
    so bad that I forgot who I was.
[18:26] Penis
    And while I was on the brink of death...
SIGN    From now on, you're one of us.
[18:50] Penis
    I don't recall the details.
[18:53] Penis
    But there is just one thing
    I've clearly remembered.
[18:57] Penis
    My name is Dragonia.
[18:59] Hata
    Dragonia, my foot!
[19:01] Hata
    What was that flashback?
[19:02] Hata
    The one that showed up midway
    looked more like you!
[19:05] Hata
    Which one was you, and how did Brother
    end up like this from that situation?
[19:09] Jii
    I don't really understand all of it,
[19:12] Jii
    but since his Penis is big,
    does it really matter?
[19:14] Hata
    Are you looking at nothing but
    the Penis, you shitty geezer?
[19:17] Jii
    Prince Dragonia!
[19:18] Jii
    We have eagerly awaited your
    return, the return of our king!
[19:22] G
    Prince Hata! Are you all right?
[19:25] G
    What happened here?
[19:28] G
    Wait! That Penis...
[19:29] Hata
    Hey, you guys try talking
    some sense into him, too.
[19:32] Hata
    Gramps is saying this monster
    Penis is Prince Dragonia.
[19:36] G
    Our King, please give us the order
    to shoot that insolent pig to death.
[19:40] Hata
    A big Penis is enough to get you to
    switch sides? You guys are way too easy!
[19:44] Jii
    Could you please return home
[19:46] Jii
    and rebuild the country that
    the stupid prince ruined?
[19:49] Hata
    Who're you calling the stupid prince?
[19:51] Penis
    Dragonia doesn't exist within me anymore.
SIGN    That's just an empty name.
[19:57] Penis
    I'm not Dragonia from Planet Okoku anymore.
SIGN    I've become Elizabeth from Earth.
[20:02] Penis
    So I have no right to be king.
[20:06] Penis
    But even if I can't be king,
[20:08] Penis
    I can fight with you and help
    you take back your king.
[20:13] Penis
    They may be lacking as kings by themselves,
[20:16] Penis
    but together...
[20:17] Penis
    No, if they have your support,
[20:20] Penis
    I'm sure they'll be splendid kings.
[20:23] Penis
    So would you please fight alongside us?
[20:30] Penis
    Earth is all alone in the universe,
    and I want you to be its friend!
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
SIGN    Men Must Live Not Long
    Nor Thick, but Hard
[20:50] G
    The path! The enemy's interference
    has split up our force!
[20:57] G
    The squad in the rear is
    being ambushed by the enemy.
[21:00] G
    Shall we go back to help?
[21:03] Dak
    No need.
[21:05] Dak
    It's mere child's play that must be ignored.
[21:07] Dak
    Desperate schemes can't overturn
    the difference in numbers.
[21:11] Dak
    Let's go!
[21:19] Dak
    Oh? I thought it was just
    a ploy to slow us down,
[21:25] Dak
    but they're seriously out to stop us, huh?
[21:31] Cat
    Looks like it's started.
[21:33] Oto
    Are they dividing the enemy
SIGN    Kabuki District
SIGN    Divide
SIGN    Oniwaban
SIGN    Oniwaban
SIGN    Shinsengumi
[21:35] Oto
    and trying to weaken them
    before they get here, perhaps?
SIGN    Kabuki District First
[21:40] Oto
    It's time.
[21:42] Oto
    I hope you're all ready.
[21:47] G
    Detected enemy approach!
[21:51] All
    Let's go!
[21:55] Oto
    Open combat!
[22:05] Shin
    Gin-san?!
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Preview
[23:39] Shin
    Wait! Time out!
[23:41] Shin
    We're on your side! We're Odd Jobs!
[23:44] Sai
    I hope you're prepared to
    have your balls plucked out!
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
SIGN    Ogres Are Weak Against Tiny Heroes
    Like the Inch-High Samurai
SIGN    The Liberation Army reaches the Kabuki District,
SIGN    and the residents must all fight together.
SIGN    The back-and-forth battle at the Kabuki District begins!
SIGN    And you may have been suddenly taken out, but stand up and fight, Gintoki!
[24:05] ---
    Thank you all for coming.

E349 - Ogres Are Weak Against Tiny Heroes Like the Inch-High Samurai

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Silver Soul
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
SIGN    Ogres Are Weak Against Tiny Heroes
    Like the Inch-High Samurai
SIGN    Watch the Silver Soul Arc in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV!!
[01:42] G
    The path! The enemy's interference
    has split up our force!
[01:49] G
    The squad in the rear is
    being ambushed by the enemy.
[01:52] G
    Shall we go back to help?
[01:54] Dak
    No need.
[01:57] Dak
    It's mere child's play that must be ignored.
[01:59] Dak
    Desperate schemes can't overturn
    the difference in numbers.
[02:03] Dak
    Let's go!
[02:11] Dak
    Oh? I thought it was just
    a ploy to slow us down,
[02:17] Dak
    but they're seriously out to stop us, huh?
[02:23] Cat
    Looks like it's started.
[02:25] Oto
    Are they dividing the enemy
SIGN    Kabuki District
SIGN    Divide
SIGN    Oniwaban
SIGN    Oniwaban
SIGN    Shinsengumi
[02:27] Oto
    and trying to weaken them
    before they get here, perhaps?
SIGN    Kabuki District First
[02:32] Oto
    It's time.
[02:34] Oto
    I hope you're all ready.
[02:38] G
    Detected enemy approach!
[02:43] All
    Let's go!
[02:46] Oto
    Open combat!
[02:54] Shin
    Gin-san?!
[02:56] Shin
    Wait! Time out!
[02:59] Shin
    We're on your side! We're Odd Jobs!
[03:02] Gin
    My eyeball. My eyeball fell out.
[03:03] Gin
    Grab it, please!
[03:06] Tae
    Shin-chan?
[03:07] Tae
    Wait, everyone.
[03:09] Shin
    Sis!
[03:10] Tae
    Thank goodness. You're all okay.
[03:12] Gin
    Do I look okay to you?!
[03:14] Gin
    It's like I've been pounded in
    the head with a barbed-wire bat!
[03:18] Gin
    Apologize to me and Glenn,
    you Walking Violence broad—
[03:22] Shin
    Sis! Can't you hear me asking you to stop?!
[03:24] Gin
    My ball. My ball fell out.
[03:26] Gin
    Grab it, please!
[03:26] Tae
    It's okay. I'm throwing
    these with my bare hands.
[03:28] Kag
    Not picking this one up.
[03:29] Shin
    Like hell it's okay!
[03:31] Tae
    Right now, the Kabuki District
    is an impregnable fortress!
[03:35] Tae
    Stay away if you don't want to get hurt!
[03:38] Shin
    Say that to the enemy, not your allies!
[03:39] Shin
    And how long are you going
    to keep hurling those rocks?
[03:41] Tae
    That's not what I mean! The enemy's
    already there! You need to run!
[03:46] Kag
    Out of the frying pan and into
    the fire! Look for an entrance!
[03:51] Gin
    Who's that kicking my ball?!
[03:53] Tet
    This way, Shinpachi-kun!
[03:55] Shin
    Tetsuko-san!
[03:56] Tet
    Just wait. I'll open up right away.
[03:58] Tet
    Here we go...
[04:00] Tet
    Open, Hell's Gate!
[04:08] Tet
    All right!
[04:08] Shin
    "All right," my ass!
    What the hell is "Hell's Gate"?
[04:11] Tet
    Hell's Gate is a weapon I designed
    that beckons the enemy to hell.
[04:15] Shin
    Don't ask someone to use
    such a dangerous entrance!
[04:19] Tet
    Once you go in, you can never get out.
[04:21] Tet
    It's a weapon that's both an entrance
    and not an entrance at the same time.
[04:23] Shin
    Don't go building such
    misleading pieces of trash!
[04:26] Shin
    Ack!
[04:27] Tet
    There's another entrance over
    there if you want to use it.
[04:29] Shin
    Where?
[04:31] Tet
    Heaven's Gate.
[04:32] Tet
    It's a weapon that beckons enemies to heaven
    and is both an entrance and not an entrance.
[04:36] Shin
    It's the same thing either way!
[04:38] Shin
    Gin-san! I can't!
[04:40] Shin
    There aren't any entrances anywhere!
[04:41] Gin
    Hold up!
[04:42] Shin
    Wait, you're still chasing after your ball?!
[04:44] Ago
    This way, Pako.
[04:45] Gin
    Y-You're...
[04:47] Gin
    A... A-Antonio!
[04:49] Ago
    It's Agomi! You only got the "A" right!
[04:51] Ago
    I'll open up right now. Just wait.
[04:53] Gin
    Th-Thanks!
[04:57] Ago
    You're finally home, Pako.
[04:58] Ago
    Welcome...
[04:59] Ago
    to the Morocco Gate.
[05:01] Shin
    There's an entrance to an entirely
    different world over there!
[05:04] Gin
    Give back my little boy!
[05:06] Gin
    You want money? Because crown jewel?
[05:08] Gin
    I'll arrange money somehow,
[05:09] Gin
    so carefully put my boy in a
    bag and soak it in cold water!
[05:13] Gin
    Please!
[05:15] Shin
    Behind you!
[05:17] Sai
    I don't know if you guys came to
    pluck Earth for yourselves or what,
[05:22] Sai
    but I hope you're prepared to
    have your balls plucked out!
[05:28] Shin
    In the end, that's another Hell's Gate!
[05:30] Shin
    Pull yourself together, Gin-san!
[05:33] Kag
    Hey, Gin-chan! Shinpachi!
[05:36] Kag
    There's an entrance over here!
[05:39] Gin
    Don't be so loud! The enemy will hear you!
[05:41] Shin
    Kagura-chan!
[05:42] Gin
    Kagura!
[05:45] Kag
    Oh? Who might these boys be?
[05:49] Kag
    I don't remember asking for
    these ruffians, Kyoshiro.
[05:53] Kyo
    We're truly sorry, Kagura-sama.
[05:56] Kyo
    Members of the Liberation Army,
    Takamagahara here is a host club,
[06:00] Kyo
    a place to entertain ladies.
[06:02] Kyo
    I'm sorry, but we don't entertain men,
[06:05] Kyo
    especially those who bring
    in such dangerous items.
[06:09] G
    The hell are these guys
    talking about? Get 'em!
[06:12] Kag
    Enough, Kyoshiro.
[06:15] Kag
    If they want in so badly, we just have
    to make them acceptable for entry.
[06:20] Kag
    Five Koronamin Cs for these boys.
[06:23] Kag
    In return, confiscate those
    evil things they're carrying.
[06:27] Sai
    Five Koronamin Cs and five dcks
[06:31] Sai
    coming right up.
[06:34] Shin
    Nothing's changed from before!
[06:37] Shin
    And why are you collapsing with them?!
[06:40] Gin
    Somehow, I can understand their pain.
[06:45] Shin
    Don't make it sound so profound.
[06:49] HB
    Use this.
[06:51] Shin
    Kozenigata-san!
[06:53] Gin
    You're telling us to climb using this?
[06:55] HB
    Don't worry. The queen and I...
    I mean, we'll pull you up from here.
SIGN    Super S and Super M
    You can meet your true self
[07:01] Shin
    Did you just say the queen?
[07:02] HB
    The rope may be a bit slippery, though.
[07:05] Shin
    Why is it slippery?
SIGN    Adult Society
     Super S and Super M
    You can meet your true self
[07:07] HB
    If you can't handle that,
    tie it to your body.
[07:10] HB
    If possible, try the turtle-shell knot.
[07:13] HB
    That might help make her more potent.
[07:16] Shin
    Wait, where are you?
    What were you doing up until now?
[07:20] HB
    Anyway, just trust me and her...
[07:24] HB
    Trust this revolting pig!
[07:27] Gin
    Hey, I just heard a thwack! You okay?
[07:29] HB
    Once you've grabbed the
    rope, try not to move.
[07:32] HB
    Please don't flail around!
[07:34] HB
    Ready? One, two...
[07:37] HB
    Ow!
[07:38] Shin
    Hey! Are you okay?!
[07:40] Shin
    Why does it seem like you're tied up, too?
    You're connected to this rope, aren't you?
[07:44] HB
    Don't worry! We also tied it
    to a pig so we wouldn't let go!
[07:48] Shin
    Uh, that's not what it looked like, though.
[07:50] Shin
    It was an extremely complicated
    way to tie a rope!
[07:53] HB
    My queen, this really won't work.
[07:56] HB
    The pig's going to get ripped to shreds.
[07:58] HB
    Look, it's starting to go purple.
[08:00] HB
    I did say I wanted to try the craziest
    Z course before Earth was destroyed...
[08:05] Gin
    Hey! What do you mean, Z course?
[08:07] HB
    "You have two balls, so pull one guy
    up with each"? That's impossible!
[08:13] Gin
    What the hell is this rope
    tied to on the other end?
[08:15] Gin
    What kinky stuff are you getting into?
[08:16] HB
    Oink! Oink! Oink!
SIGN    Super S and Super M
    You can meet your true self
[08:20] Gin
    All I hear is thwacks and oinks now!
[08:22] Gin
    What happened?
[08:23] Gin
    The enemy's almost here! Say something!
[08:26] HB
    Oink!
[08:27] Gin
    Something other than "oink"!
[08:29] Sai
    Got you covered.
[08:31] Sai
    If you want to be shredded so badly...
[08:34] HB
    Oink!
[08:34] Sai
    I'll shred you all you want!
[08:36] HB
    Oink!
[08:40] G
    What is this?
[08:40] G
    What's with these guys?
[08:43] G
    What's with this town?
[08:45] Dak
    I figured it was nothing more
    than a resident-defended town,
[08:48] Dak
    but it seems they have more backbone than
    soldiers who can't even fight without guns.
[08:55] Dak
    But stronger bones mean
    nothing when faced with us.
[09:00] Dak
    They will be reduced to powder all the same.
[09:10] Dak
    Of course, that goes for this metal town, too.
SIGN    Earth Defense Town
SIGN    Kabuki District First
[09:33] Shin
    He destroyed the gate...
[09:37] Shin
    with just one strike!
[10:00] Zen
    Yeah, you really can't stop a tidal wave
    of soldiers with cheap tricks alone.
[10:06] Kon
    We can't hold them off! The enemy's
    going to reach the Kabuki District!
[10:08] Hij
    Don't think! Just focus on cutting
    down as many as you can for now!
[10:12] Hij
    I've sent another squad already!
[10:14] Hij
    But who knows how useful they will be?
[10:18] Hij
    Can those massive monsters*
    really be stopped by humans?
[10:48] Dak
    Break! Destroy! Smash!
[10:51] Dak
    Reduce this town to rubble!
[10:53] Dak
    That rubble will form the path we walk!
[10:56] G
    Run away!
[10:59] G
    Those guys are coming here!
[11:01] Hana
    Otae-chan!
[11:02] Tae
    Oryo, Hana-chan!
[11:04] Hana
    The catapult was broken.
[11:06] Or
    Do we have any other traps?
    Otherwise they'll get to us!
[11:11] Tae
    Take them somewhere safe.
[11:13] Or
    Otae!
[11:14] Tae
    Sorry. There is nothing you can do anymore.
[11:19] Or
    Otae...
[11:20] G
    Hurry! If we want to
    escape, it's now or never!
[11:23] Or
    Wait! Otae, you come, too!
[11:31] Tae
    Run!
[11:51] Sai
    They're really giving me, Saigo of the
    White Loincloth, such a hard time...
[11:57] Sai
    How many of these have gotten into town?!
[12:00] Gin
    Beats me!
[12:01] Gin
    But if we keep fighting the enemies outside,
    the ones inside will crush the town.
[12:06] Gin
    And if we keep fighting the enemies
    inside, the ones outside will overrun us.
[12:10] Sai
    So it's a matter of preference?
[12:13] Gin
    I'll handle the ones left over.
[12:15] Sai
    Are you sure you want to let me choose?
[12:18] Gin
    Our lives will be in danger either way.
[12:21] Gin
    We used to be called Saigo of the
    White Loincloth and the White Yaksha,
[12:26] Gin
    but at some point, we stopped being white.
[12:29] Gin
    We're two peas in a pod who
    both got soiled by this town.
[12:34] Gin
    If someone who was plain white can be
    stained in this town's colors and die,
[12:37] Gin
    it doesn't matter to which
    side, don't you think?
[12:41] Sai
    Our answers are all the same.
[12:45] Sai
    We refuse to pick either,
[12:47] Sai
    and instead choose to believe in a
    miracle that will let us all survive.
[13:01] Tae
    Come on, get out this way.
[13:14] Or
    Otae!
[13:17] Or
    Huh?
[13:23] Kyu
    Don't touch her.
[13:25] Kyu
    She's important to me.
    Keep your hands off of her!
[13:37] Or
    K-Kyubei-san! Otae!
[13:40] Kyu
    This way! Quickly!
[13:45] Kyu
    Hurry!
[13:46] Otae
    Kyu-chan.
[13:48] Otae
    I believed you would come.
[13:52] Kyu
    Sorry I kept you waiting.
[13:55] Kyu
    I actually wanted to rush
    to your aid immediately.
[13:58] Kyu
    I wanted to take you away from this planet.
[14:01] Kyu
    But I decided back then...
[14:04] Kyu
    that the next time I dragged you by the hand,
[14:07] Kyu
    I must be capable of taking
    your smile along, too.
[14:11] Kyu
    That I'd be the kind of strong man
    and gentle woman who could do that.
[14:16] Kyu
    So now, I'm going to take
    you away once again...
[14:20] Kyu
    Along with this world you love so much!
[14:33] Bin
    Good grief. You're being awfully
    greedy this time, Kyubei.
[14:37] Tae
    Binbokusai-sama!
[14:39] Bin
    If you take so many brides,
    you won't last very long.
[14:45] Bin
    But playing along with a grandchild's whims,
    playing along with our master's whims,
[14:50] Bin
    is also our family's duty, huh?
[14:52] E4
    Indeed!
[14:54] Tou
    That's our job as the Yagyu Elite Four!
[15:01] G
    Damn, they just won't give up.
[15:04] G
    Switch to a perimeter formation!
[15:09] Ago
    This is bad!
[15:10] Ago
    The other gates are undermanned now.
[15:12] Ago
    If they attack all of them at once,
    we'll be overrun in an instant!
[15:19] G
    Wh-What's this?
[15:23] Oto
    It's the Yagyu Family
    and the town volunteers!
[15:31] Kag
    Gin-chan!
[15:35] Gin
    Took you awfully long.
[15:38] Kyu
    Yeah, because we were waiting.
[15:42] Kyu
    Waiting for this moment when our
    swords would take a silver glint.
[15:46] Kyu
    All the students of the Yagyu Chinkage
    Style and the Chinko Volunteer Squad
[15:51] Kyu
    will hereby assist Odd Jobs Gin-chan!
[15:54] Kyu
    Let's go!
[15:59] Gin
    You did well to gather so many.
[16:01] Gin
    Shows the Yagyu Family's might, huh?
[16:04] Kyu
    I didn't do anything.
[16:06] Tou
    No! The young master's passionate
    speech shot us all through the heart.
[16:10] Tou
    I have that heroic address
    recorded right here...
[16:10] Shin
    Hey, watch out!
[16:13] Tou
    My recording of the young master!
[16:16] Sui
    But if I'm fighting the entire universe,
[16:21] Sui
    it seems I'll be making many women cry.
[16:24] Its
    No woman will cry if a penis face dies.
[16:27] Sui
    Who are you calling penis face?!
[16:29] Its
    I'll be the only one crying.
[16:31] Sui
    You'll cry for me?!
[16:32] Nish
    Victory or defeat doesn't matter.
[16:35] Nish
    We haven't had such an exciting
    battle since back then!
[16:39] Bin
    Indeed. That fight sure was fun, huh, kid?
[16:43] Gin
    Not for me!
[16:45] Gin
    Do you have any idea how many ribs I broke?!
[16:47] Bin
    The Yagyu Family being hailed as
    the Shogun Family's instructors
[16:51] Bin
    is a thing of the past now.
[16:54] Bin
    Eventually, the world will forget
    all about the way of the sword.
[16:58] Bin
    But before the end,
[17:01] Bin
    the heavens granted us a battlefield.
[17:05] Bin
    We have honed our swords all for this moment!
[17:10] Nish
    All right! Here we go!
[17:21] Tou
    Nishino?
[17:22] Sui
    Why, you...
[17:45] Bin
    Hang in there.
[17:53] Kyu
    Grandfather!
[17:53] Gin
    Kyubei!
[17:58] Dak
    What are you playing at?
[18:00] Dak
    Why do I smell a female among you?
[18:06] Shin
    Gin-san! Kyubei-san!
[18:08] Gin
    Ow... I'm fine. Something cushioned me.
[18:11] Gin
    Huh? Why do I smell a female scent...
[18:17] Shin
    Uh, that attack's way more dangerous!
[18:19] Dak
    You have kids, too?
[18:21] Dak
    What do you people think a battlefield is?
[18:25] Dak
    This is no playground!
[18:27] Dak
    Don't defile this holy ritual that
    men stake their lives and honor on!
[18:33] Kyu
    You're the ones who don't get it.
[18:36] Kyu
    War is an act that affects men,
    women, and children equally
[18:40] Kyu
    and reduces them all to ashes.
[18:43] Kyu
    Surely you didn't start this war unprepared
    to swing your clubs at babies and kids.
[18:53] Kyu
    Surely you're not standing
    before me unprepared
[18:57] Kyu
    to be cut down by women or children!
[19:00] Dak
    Such fortitude.
[19:02] Dak
    Are you really a woman?
[19:04] Kyu
    I'm Yagyu Kyubei!
[19:10] Kyu
    Come!
[19:12] Kag
    Do you have an idea to beat that monster?
[19:15] Kyu
    If we fight him head-on at close
    range, we won't stand a chance.
[19:18] Kyu
    In that case, we must use our mobility
    and rain concentrated fire upon him.
[19:22] Tae
    Kyu-chan!
[19:24] Kyu
    Tae-chan?
[19:25] Kyu
    Why?
[19:26] Tae
    How could I run away after what you said?
[19:30] Tae
    Let's show them what women
    and children can do.
[19:41] Dak
    It matters not. Slaughter them all!
[19:51] Dak
    Did you really think you could seal
    off my range with this trickery?
[20:00] Dak
    I saw that simultaneous attack from three
    directions coming from a mile away.
[20:05] Dak
    Die!
[20:08] Gin
    It's not three directions.
[20:10] Gin
    It's four!
[20:16] Dak
    I see.
[20:18] Dak
    But your frail swords
    cannot even break my horn!
[20:24] Gin
    Even if we can't break your horn,
[20:26] Gin
    we can break your nose at least!
[20:32] Tae
    Now!
[20:41] Kad
    Playtime is over, you whelps!
[20:45] Kad
    Get down here!
[20:49] Kyu
    Here we are.
[20:51] Kyu
    Playtime is only beginning!
[20:52] Dak
    Y-You fiends...
[21:09] Dak
    Not good enough!
[21:23] Tsu
    There are still some women
    and children over here.
[21:27] Tsu
    But playing with the women of Yoshiwara
    is a game of life and death.
[21:31] Tsu
    You'd best be prepared.
[21:36] Shin
    Tsukuyo-san!
[21:51] Dak
    Is that it?
[21:58] Dak
    Yeah, that's it.
[22:05] Gin
    We're not gonna play anymore with a guy
    who can't even be "it" in a game of tag.
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
[23:49] Chin
    The boss of this town has returned.
SIGN    Bragging About Your Own Heroic Deeds
    Will Make People Hate You,
    so Make Others Do It For You
SIGN    With the Kabuki District in danger,
SIGN    people rush to its aid one after another!
SIGN    And the father-and-daughter pair
SIGN    who had left on a journey together will...?!

E350 - Bragging About Your Own Heroic Deeds Will Make People Hate You, so Make Others Do It For You

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Silver Soul
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
SIGN    Bragging About Your Own Heroic Deeds
    Will Make People Hate You,
    so Make Others Do It For You
SIGN    Watch the Silver Soul Arc in a bright room
    and at a safe distance from your TV!!
[01:47] Tsu
    What? Done already?
[01:50] Tsu
    In Yoshiwara, men are disliked if
    they're either too fast or too slow.
[01:56] G
    No way. Ougai-sama was taken out by such...
[02:00] Gin
    C'mon. Don't tell me you're still calling
    these guys mere women and children.
[02:07] Gin
    Not all of Earth's women are
    monstrous gorillas like these!
[02:11] Gin
    We have plenty of better women—
[02:14] Gin
    Wh-Why are you here, anyway?
[02:19] Tsu
    You were right on the money. We're here
    to ruin the reputation of Earth's women.
[02:25] Kyu
    Never thought the likes of Tsukuyo-dono
    and I would shoulder the honor of women.
[02:30] Kag
    Don't worry about it. My loli-cuteness
    can cover for it all.
[02:34] Gin
    You're the one ruining
    their reputation the most!
[02:37] Tae
    The only people who'd gather in a
    battlefield even men would run from
[02:41] Tae
    are women, don't you think?
[02:50] (Flashback) Hin
    Looks like it has begun.
[02:56] (Flashback) Hin
    You want to go help them,
[03:00] (Flashback) Hin
    don't you?
[03:02] (Flashback) Tsu
    I'm the Courtesan of Death,
    guardian of Yoshiwara.
[03:07] (Flashback) Hin
    Tsukuyo, it's okay for you to give
    off your own dazzling light now.
[03:14] (Flashback) Sei
    Tsukuyo-nee.
[03:17] (Flashback) Sei
    Go on.
[03:18] (Flashback) Sei
    We'll protect Mom and Yoshiwara, I promise!
[03:25] (Flashback) Hin
    This time,
[03:27] (Flashback) Hin
    it's the sun's turn to keep
    watch while the moon is away.
[03:32] (Flashback) Hin
    Go illuminate their path
    with the light they gave us.
[03:42] (Flashback) Hin
    She's such a handful.
[03:45] (Flashback) Hin
    If we don't give her a
    million and one reasons,
[03:47] (Flashback) Hin
    she won't even go see the man she fell for.
[03:53] (Flashback) Hin
    "The world doesn't matter.
    I just want to die by your side."
[03:58] (Flashback) Hin
    Isn't that reason enough?
[04:02] G
    Scatter! Don't bunch up in the alley!
[04:05] Tsu
    Running away? Some men you are!
[04:08] Kyu
    Don't you have it in you
    to avenge your leader?!
[04:14] Tsu
    Run from it as we might,
    we're still women in the end, huh?
[04:17] Kyu
    Nothing wrong with that.
[04:19] Kyu
    I now feel,
[04:21] Kyu
    for the first time,
[04:23] Kyu
    that being born a girl wasn't so bad.
[04:30] Tsu
    I see.
[04:32] Tsu
    Wanna hit up a boutique once
    this war is over, then?
[04:36] Kyu
    Nah. I'd rather get pancakes.
[04:43] Tsu
    K...
[04:44] Tsu
    Kyubei!
[04:50] Oug
    I never thought I'd run into someone
    who could break my horn again.
[04:56] Shin
    No!
[04:58] Oug
    But...
[04:59] Oug
    You couldn't crack my skull, huh?
[05:04] Sot
    You're having an awfully hard
    time dealing with these apes.
[05:08] Sot
    Can't you fight using your head a little?
[05:12] Shin
    Sis!
[05:14] Oug
    Sotatsu...
[05:16] Oug
    You struck while we were
    engaged with the enemy?
[05:19] Oug
    You conniving thief!
[05:21] Sot
    Our primary goal
[05:23] Sot
    is to restore the comms
    affected by that virus cannon.
[05:29] Sot
    Earthlings, offer up the
    creator of the virus cannon.
[05:33] Sot
    If you don't,
[05:35] Sot
    these women are all dead.
[05:37] Shin
    D-Don't!
[05:38] Oto
    Here.
[05:42] Oto
    The mastermind's right here.
[05:46] Tae
    Otose-san! Gengai-san!
[05:49] Oto
    This geezer here is Edo's finest
    inventor, the one who sank your ships.
[05:54] Oto
    And this gran here is the one
    who organized the whole thing.
[05:57] Gen
    I built that machine to
    protect the people of Edo.
[06:02] Gen
    If people died to keep it safe, we'd
    be mistaking the means for the end.
[06:06] Oto
    There you have it.
[06:08] Oto
    Take us to hell or wherever.
[06:11] Oto
    You guys did well,
[06:14] Oto
    but this is as far as we go.
[06:17] 73
    Hold it!
[06:20] 73
    Why're you tryin' to hog all the glory?
[06:24] 73
    The one who built that virus cannon
[06:26] 73
    was me, Doctor Kurogoma Katsuo!
[06:31] 73
    I went through so much to build that
    thing! Ain't that right, assistants?
[06:35] G
    Yes, bos—I mean, Doctor!
    It must've been hell!
[06:39] 73
    Which parts? Give 'em the details
    on which parts exactly were hell!
[06:44] G
    L-Like all the addition and
    subtraction. That was hell.
[06:47] 73
    Are you stupid? Like you could build
    somethin' like that with just that!
[06:51] 73
    We also used multiplication!
[06:53] 73
    The sevens table was the hardest!
[06:54] Sot
    What's going on here?
    Didn't the geezer build that—
[06:55] 73
    No matter how many times we did it, seven
    times eight always came out to sixty-eight!
[06:57] Kyo
    Machines are just like women.
[06:59] G
    But it's sixty-four!
[07:01] Kyo
    Unless they're handled with care,
    they'll break down immediately.
[07:01] 73
    What? Really?
[07:05] Kyo
    No chimpanzee or crude geezer
    could build that thing.
[07:10] Kyo
    But my, Doctor Kyoshiro's, wiles make both
    contraptions and women a piece of cake.
[07:16] 73
    Yer face is the only contraption here,
    you monster of plastic surgery!
[07:20] Kyo
    If you want to take someone, take me.
[07:23] Kyo
    But I won't be held accountable should your
    planet's women become slaves to my virus.
[07:30] 73
    Shut it! I've got a ton of viruses myself!
[07:33] Kyo
    Yours are just STDs.
[07:34] 73
    Who're you sayin' has crotch rot?!
[07:35] G
    Bro! Nobody specified crotch rot!
SIGN    Indeed.
[07:39] HB
    Indeed.
SIGN    All men
[07:41] HB
    All men
SIGN    may be doctors
    with virus cannons
    in their crotches.
[07:43] HB
    may be doctors with virus
    cannons in their crotches.
[07:47] Haj
    No way that's right!
    There's a limit to "forced," bro!
[07:51] HB
    If you must take someone,
    take this Doctor Hardboiled with you.
[07:55] HB
    And let me research
    crossbreeding on your planet.
[07:59] 73
    You've got yer priorities all mixed up!
[08:01] Kyo
    No. I shall go and represent
    Earth in slaying a thousand.
[08:04] 73
    You, too?! Fine, I'll get in on it!
[08:06] HB
    No, I'm more than enough.
[08:08] Sot
    Knock it off! Who's the real inventor?
[08:11] Cat
    Me!
[08:12] G
    Me!
[08:17] Oto
    You all...
[08:19] Cat
    If you want to take anyone, take all of us.
[08:22] Cat
    The ones who built that and
    tried to protect this town...
[08:26] All
    It was all of us!
[08:30] Sot
    So that's your answer?
[08:34] Sot
    If anyone's going to die, you're
    all prepared to die here with them?
[08:38] Sot
    But there's no need for that.
[08:41] Sot
    The only people who need to die
    is everyone but the geezer!
[08:56] Shin
    Sis!
[09:02] Sot
    I never had any intention of cutting a deal
    with people whose days are numbered.
[09:07] Sot
    The only ones we deal with
    are the Liberation Army.
[09:15] Oto
    Agreed.
[09:16] Oto
    I don't plan on cutting a deal with people
    whose days are numbered, either.
[09:21] Oto
    The ones we're dealing with
[09:23] Oto
    are over here.
[09:29] Oto
    Took you long enough.
[09:31] Oto
    Buying time isn't easy, you know?
[09:43] Tae
    Shin-chan...
[09:47] Shin
    What's going on?
[09:48] Chin
    Thank goodness.
[09:51] Chin
    Looks like we made it in time.
[09:54] Chin
    Good work keeping watch while we were away.
[09:58] Chin
    You did well to hold out.
[10:01] Chin
    But everything will be all right now.
[10:12] Sot
    Who goes there?
[10:14] Jir
    'Tis an honor.
[10:16] Jir
    I was born and raised in
    the Kabuki District of Edo.
[10:20] Jir
    I left on a long journey of atonement,
[10:24] Jir
    but unable to forget my hometown
    or the promise I made with my friend,
[10:28] Jir
    I have returned red-faced.
[10:32] Jir
    I am...
[10:36] Jir
    Terada Tatsugoro's friend and
    the Kabuki District's guardian.
[10:42] Jir
    Doromizu Jirocho's the name.
[10:53] Chin
    Residents of the Kabuki District,
[10:56] Chin
    the boss of this town has returned.
[11:02] Chin
    I'm back, Bro!
[11:05] Shin
    Pirako-san!
[11:09] Sot
    Laughable.
[11:11] Sot
    You were buying time while
    your women were taken hostage
[11:15] Sot
    for a broken-down old man like this?
[11:17] Jir
    I don't know how it works on your planet,
[11:20] Jir
    but over here, it ain't easy for
    men to call themselves that.
[11:26] Jir
    Just take a look at the women here.
[11:29] Jir
    The planet's about to be destroyed,
    but instead of running or hiding,
[11:34] Jir
    they've all got bold looks on their faces
[11:36] Jir
    and are standing their ground
    with their heads held high.
[11:40] Jir
    That's why the men of this town
    always get ridiculed as cowards.
[11:47] Sot
    Attack.
[11:50] Jir
    And that's why
[11:54] Jir
    we men howl about our chivalry
    until the day we die!
[12:02] 73
    Let's roll, cowards of Kabuki District!
[12:06] 73
    This is our time to show off our manliness!
[12:16] Jir
    Kid.
[12:17] Jir
    The same trick won't work twice on samurai.
[12:22] Jir
    We...
[12:27] Jir
    We remember.
[12:31] Jir
    We remember how you kill.
[12:36] Gin
    Here I thought you'd gone senile and come
    back to make another move on the gran.
[12:42] Jir
    I did come back for a woman,
    but a different one this time.
[12:45] Gin
    Gee, what a playboy.
[12:47] Gin
    What kinda monster is it this—
[12:49] Chin
    Bro!
[12:51] Jir
    Fine lass, ain't she?
[12:51] Shin
    Pirako-san!
[12:53] Jir
    When she heard the Liberation
    Army was approaching the town,
[12:53] Kag
    Cun Pirako!
[12:55] Chin
    It's been too long.
[12:56] Jir
    she insisted on coming back.
[12:58] Chin
    What are you saying?
[13:00] Chin
    You were walking so fast yourself,
    I had a hard time keeping up.
[13:04] Jir
    You were just too slow.
[13:07] Chin
    You were too fast.
[13:09] Jir
    You were too slow.
[13:10] Chin
    You were too fast!
[13:11] Jir
    You were too slow.
[13:14] Chin
    But you really were too fast...
[13:18] Jir
    Y-Yeah, I was going too fast.
    I was going at Mach speed.
[13:21] Jir
    Want some candy?
[13:22] Shin
    Jirocho-san?!
[13:23] Kag
    The diarrhea geezer got wrapped around his
    daughter's finger while they were away.
[13:28] Jir
    Don't be stupid! I'm the Great...
[13:31] Chin
    Jirochon. Call him that.
[13:32] Chin
    That's what I've been calling him lately.
[13:34] Jir
    Don't mention that in public—
[13:36] Chin
    He yelled at me...
[13:37] Jir
    I'm not mad. Jirochon's
    perfectly all right with it.
[13:41] Jir
    Oh, want a steamed bun, Pirarin?
[13:42] Shin
    You call her Pirarin?!
[13:50] Sot
    I see. You're the ones who
    killed Kada of the Harusame?
[13:55] Sot
    I'd heard her entire group
    got wiped out on Earth.
[13:59] Sot
    Being able to avenge one of my
    own here is a pleasant surprise.
[14:03] Jir
    Stand back, Pirarin.
[14:05] Chin
    No, Jirochon. This one is mine.
[14:09] Chin
    I am Doromizu Pirako.
[14:12] Chin
    I'll stake this name my brothers helped me
    obtain and uphold my hometown's honor.
[14:20] Shin
    Pirako-san...
[14:22] Jir
    That so? I won't stop you, then.
[14:25] Jir
    Listen up, you louts! If you
    lay one finger on this girl,
[14:32] Jir
    I'll kill you dead.
[14:35] Gin
    Why me?!
[14:36] Gin
    The enemy's over there! What kinda
    honor are you trying to uphold?!
[14:39] Gin
    My daughter's taken a liking to some
    loser, so I'm going to kill him dead.
[14:43] Gin
    Quit it with that pinpoint
    sense of honor and justice!
[14:45] Jir
    That said...
[14:48] Jir
    Allow me to express my gratitude.
[14:52] Jir
    Thank you for fighting.
[14:55] Jir
    Thank you for protecting everything.
[14:58] Jir
    Thank you for staying alive.
[15:05] Jir
    Tatsugoro, your spirit still
    lives strong in this town.
[15:12] Jir
    The Kabuki District is still
    the same old town you loved.
[15:17] Jir
    Please watch over them...
[15:21] Jir
    The people who've inherited this
    town, and the path they take.
[15:32] Cat
    This way, Otose-san!
[15:37] Oto
    Sheesh.
[15:38] Oto
    Why is the gangster grandpa
    having the most fun raising hell?
[15:45] Oto
    Actually, that's how you've always been.
[15:50] Oto
    All my memories of you involve you
    fighting someone or another.
[15:55] Oto
    You swung your fists around like
    it was your way of saying hello.
[16:00] Oto
    Yes, it was the same that time, too.
[16:06] (Flashback) Ttgr
    So you're Jirocho?
[16:09] (Flashback) Ttgr
    I heard you were an honorable man who upheld
    the order of this town even as yakuza,
[16:14] (Flashback) Ttgr
    but you should discipline
    your underlings better.
[16:18] (Flashback) Oto
    You've got it wrong about these guys, sir.
[16:21] (Flashback) Oto
    Lately, more hoodlums have started using
    Jirocho's name to boss people around.
[16:26] (Flashback) Ttgr
    Oh, is that so?
[16:29] (Flashback) Jir
    I was thinking it was high time
    I taught these punks a lesson...
[16:36] (Flashback) Jir
    But I feel like fighting someone
    on the straight and narrow today.
[16:39] (Flashback) Jir
    Care to join me?
[16:47] Oto
    You punched, got punched, hit
    each other with everything you had,
[16:58] Oto
    and hurt each other.
[17:06] Oto
    But while watching you, I eventually learned
[17:16] Oto
    that conversing with your fists
    came more naturally to you two.
[17:24] (Flashback) Ttgr
    Looks like she's gonna open up a place soon.
[17:27] (Flashback) Jir
    Really? What kinda place will it be?
[17:29] (Flashback) Ttgr
    Don't play dumb, Jirocho.
[17:32] (Flashback) Ttgr
    Running a place where people could cast
    aside their status and drink as fools
[17:37] (Flashback) Ttgr
    has always been her dream.
[17:40] (Flashback) Ttgr
    The reason she found it so easy
    to find a place and raise money
[17:45] (Flashback) Ttgr
    was because you laid the groundwork
    behind the scenes, right?
[17:48] (Flashback) Jir
    I wouldn't dare be so thoughtless.
[17:50] (Flashback) Ttgr
    She did it all herself.
[17:55] (Flashback) Ttgr
    I'll leave it at that, then.
[17:59] (Flashback) Ttgr
    But things will get harder from now on.
[18:05] (Flashback) Ttgr
    You know this town ain't easy to live
    in without anyone supporting you.
[18:10] (Flashback) Ttgr
    Say, Jirocho.
[18:12] (Flashback) Ttgr
    Don't you think it's about
    time you told her...
[18:20] (Flashback) Ttgr
    Where'd that come from?
    Was there a fly on my face?
[18:23] (Flashback) Jir
    Are you trying to let another guy have the
    woman you fell for? A gangster, no less?
[18:31] (Flashback) Ttgr
    I said it 'cause I figured you were a
    man who'd quit for the woman he loves.
[18:37] (Flashback) Jir
    We're just old friends who
    can't get rid of each other.
[18:40] (Flashback) Ttgr
    And a lot of married couples tend to be that.
[18:44] (Flashback) Ttgr
    Besides, living life alone and
    as I please suits me more.
[18:49] (Flashback) Ttgr
    On the other hand, you're
    used to having a family.
[18:53] (Flashback) Ttgr
    Aren't you, godfather?
[18:56] (Flashback) Jir
    Looks like we both know that we're
    cowards who can't make a woman happy.
[19:03] (Flashback) Jir
    But we both believe the coward in front of
    us is the only one who can be her support.
[19:10] (Flashback) Jir
    Only one way to settle this!
[19:12] (Flashback) Ttgr
    With our fists!
[19:17] (Flashback) Jir
    If I win, you'll woo her, Tatsugoro!
[19:24] (Flashback) Ttgr
    We're both trying to pass her off? There
    won't be any wooing if she finds out.
[19:32] (Flashback) Ttgr
    But...
[19:34] (Flashback) Ttgr
    I can't wait to see you try and woo her!
[19:39] (Flashback) Jir
    You think you've already won?
[19:40] (Flashback) Ttgr
    The battle was decided the day we met!
[19:43] (Flashback) Jir
    How many years ago do you think that was?!
[19:47] (Flashback) Jir
    I can't afford to lose to you.
[19:50] (Flashback) Jir
    Because I noticed.
[19:53] (Flashback) Jir
    I've been right by her side
    and watching her forever,
[19:58] (Flashback) Jir
    so I couldn't help but realize.
[20:28] (Flashback) Jir
    Once you open up shop,
    can I come get a drink?
[20:33] (Flashback) Jir
    If it's a place where both gangsters
    and cops can drink as fools,
[20:40] (Flashback) Jir
    it'll welcome even the guy who beat
    up the man the owner loves, right?
[20:49] (Flashback) Oto
    Of course.
[20:53] (Flashback) Oto
    After all, you're the biggest fool in Japan.
[21:16] Gin
    Run for it!
[21:20] Sot
    Futile.
[21:24] Sot
    This area's already under our control.
[21:26] Sot
    You're rats who jumped
    into a trap on your own.
[22:01] 73
    Now, old man!
[22:04] 73
    Show 'em what the boss of
    the Kabuki District can do!
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Preview
[23:44] Gin
    Keep running forward until you
    can't see any enemies up ahead!
[23:47] Jir
    I've gotten in on quite the gamble.
[23:49] Hed
    Just your friendly neighborhood florist.
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
SIGN    Jump and Power Creep
    Go Hand-in-Hand
SIGN    The back-and-forth battle of the Kabuki District
SIGN    reaches its closing stages!
SIGN    All kinds of people
SIGN    show up again!

E351 - Jump and Power Creep Go Hand-in-Hand

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:19] (Flashback) Oug
    W-Wait...
[00:23] (Flashback) Oug
    After breaking the code
    and abandoning your crew,
[00:25] (Flashback) Oug
    where are you going to
    live out your life now?
[00:30] (Flashback) Oug
    You're the Dakini's greatest warrior,
    the one hailed as the "Divine Horn."
[00:36] (Flashback) Oug
    Are you really going to leave
    the battlefield forever?
[00:40] (Flashback) Hed
    I'd give away these horns if I could.
[00:45] (Flashback) Hed
    How many planets do you think
    we've turned into wastelands?
[00:49] (Flashback) Hed
    How many lives blooming on those planets
    have we plucked right out of the ground?
[00:54] (Flashback) Hed
    Just as we Dakini were born to fight,
[00:59] (Flashback) Hed
    the lives we plucked out must've been trying
    to bloom for a purpose of their own.
[01:07] (Flashback) Hed
    I now want to see how they live, and what
    kind of flowers they will make bloom.
[01:15] (Flashback) Oug
    I hear you were being treated for a
    parasite you contracted on Planet Kohaku.
[01:22] (Flashback) Oug
    They said it was a parasitic plant
    that takes root in its host's brain,
[01:26] (Flashback) Oug
    and that you changed completely
    as a person ever since.
[01:30] (Flashback) Hed
    I didn't change.
[01:32] (Flashback) Hed
    I bloomed.
[01:35] (Flashback) Hed
    I grew a flower of my own.
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Silver Soul
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
SIGN    Jump and Power Creep
    Go Hand-in-Hand
SIGN    Watch the Silver Soul Arc in a bright room
    and at a safe distance from your TV!!
[03:43] 73
    Your friends are takin' a nap outside.
[03:48] 73
    You should be careful.
    This town is a bit dangerous.
[03:53] 73
    If you're caught sleepin', you'll
    have everythin' stolen in a flash!
[03:58] Sot
    You fiends!
[04:28] Sot
    We operate under the policy of one for all.
[04:31] Sot
    We would gladly lay down our
    lives for the greater good.
[04:35] Sot
    That's the way of the Shinra.
[04:43] Jir
    I told you...
[04:45] Jir
    We remember how you people kill.
[04:56] Gin
    You're not alone?
[04:58] Jir
    Well, neither are we.
[05:03] Jir
    I guess fighting as a group
    isn't so bad once in a while.
[05:07] Gin
    I dunno. I was this close to skewering
    the annoying ganguro geezer, too.
[05:16] Jir
    Well, too bad about that.
[05:23] G
    Sotatsu-sama!
[05:25] 73
    See that?
[05:26] 73
    This is the power of the
    universe's greatest gangsters,
[05:28] 73
    the Sewer Rats led by Jirocho!
[05:32] 73
    And I'm the Sewer Rats' right-hand man,
[05:35] 73
    the greatest seven-three part in
    the universe, Kurogoma Katsu—
[05:38] Kag
    The universe's greatest gangsters, my ass!
[05:40] Kag
    Our young'uns were the ones who
    took down the enemy's boss!
[05:44] Kag
    We're the universe's greatest
    gangsters, the Odd Jobs Family!
[05:47] Shin
    When did we become gangsters?!
[05:49] Chin
    Besides, you ain't the right hand
    man of the Sewer Rats, Kacchan.
[05:53] Chin
    Jirochon said he'd leave the
    family's future in my hands.
[05:56] 73
    What?!
[05:57] 73
    Why haven't I heard of this?
    What's this about, Jirochon?!
[06:01] Jir
    Who're you calling Jirochon?
[06:02] 73
    Do you have any idea how much I did to
    keep the gang going while you were gone?
[06:06] 73
    Ever since that time, I've
    always thought of you as...
[06:11] 73
    Yes. Back then, I was as sharp as a knife,
    hurting anyone who dared touch me.
[06:17] (Flashback) Jir
    Whoops. Sorry about that.
[06:20] (Flashback) 73
    Hey, hold it right there!
[06:22] (Flashback) 73
    You bump into someone and
    that's all you got to say?
[06:30] (Flashback) 73
    Wh-Who are you?
[06:33] (Flashback) Jir
    Kid, snapping at everyone around you in
    a youthful frenzy is all well and good,
[06:38] (Flashback) Jir
    but let me say just one thing...
[06:42] (Flashback) Jir
    Do we really need a flashback for you?
[06:45] (Flashback) 73
    He rejected my flashback
    within the flashback!
[06:48] Jir
    I think it went something like that.
[06:50] 73
    Could you not alter my flashback, old man?!
[06:53] 73
    You can't do this after multiple
    flashbacks about your youth!
[06:57] 73
    Anyway, I fell for you back then
    and followed you all this while!
[07:01] 73
    And you're tellin' me to quit right
    after I got the gang back on its feet?!
[07:04] Jir
    I don't remember ever saying
    that in the first place.
[07:08] Jir
    What kind of father would want
    his daughter to be a gangster?
[07:11] Chin
    What? But you said, "I'm sure you
    could handle being the young leader."
[07:14] Jir
    It was a hypothetical statement. I didn't
    tell you to actually take that spot.
[07:17] Chin
    You did, too.
[07:19] Jir
    No, I didn't.
[07:19] Chin
    You did, too!
[07:20] Jir
    No, I didn't.
[07:22] Chin
    But you really did say it...
[07:25] Jir
    Pirako, I can't back down on this.
[07:28] Jir
    If I let you take such halfway measures,
[07:30] Jir
    I'd never hear the end of it from
    your mother, who left you in my care.
[07:34] Jir
    If you're gonna do it, take
    the throne, Boss Pirarin.
[07:37] Jir
    Jirochon will be yakuza
    association chairman.
[07:39] Chin
    Hooray!
[07:40] 73
    That's what you meant by halfway?!
[07:42] Jir
    Aren't you glad, Katsuo?
[07:43] Jir
    Now you'll forever be the right-hand
    man—halfway to the top.
[07:46] 73
    I never said I wanted to be the
    right-hand man of the Pirarin Family!
[07:49] 73
    There's a limit to bein' a doting father!
[07:51] 73
    Young Miss, when will the Jirocho
    we know and love return to us?
[07:54] Chin
    Not Young Miss, Kacchan.
    That's "Boss" to you.
[07:58] Chin
    What will I do with you?
[07:59] Chin
    I'll let you off with five
    chopped fingers this time.
[08:01] Chin
    It'll be ten each from next time.
[08:03] 73
    How many fingers do you think I have?!
[08:05] Gin
    Good grief. I really should've skewered him.
[08:09] Gin
    If this keeps up, even if we
    chase off the Liberation Army,
[08:12] Gin
    this town still won't ever be peaceful.
[08:16] Jir
    Do you think this town
    will calm down once I die?
[08:20] Jir
    You'll still be here after I'm gone.
[08:23] Jir
    And those guys will still
    be here after you're gone.
[08:28] Jir
    Those brash kids who only feel
[08:32] Jir
    truly alive within the hustle and bustle.
[08:38] (Flashback) Jir
    Tatsugoro...
[08:41] (Flashback) Jir
    This ain't your place to die.
[08:46] (Flashback) Jir
    Let's go back together, Tatsugoro,
[08:49] (Flashback) Jir
    to our town.
[08:53] (Flashback) Tsgr
    But if we walk this slowly, she'll
    become a gran by the time we get back.
[08:59] (Flashback) Tsgr
    But I guess that ain't too bad.
[09:03] (Flashback) Tsgr
    That's the one thing I want
    to see most right now.
[09:12] (Flashback) Tsgr
    Jirocho...
[09:14] (Flashback) Tsgr
    What kind of town do you
    think our home will become?
[09:21] (Flashback) Tsgr
    What kind of geezers and
    grans will you become,
[09:25] (Flashback) Tsgr
    and what kind of youngsters
    will gather there?
[09:32] (Flashback) Jir
    Knowing us, we'll be stubborn geezers
    lecturing youngsters who can't stand us.
[09:41] (Flashback) Tsgr
    That sounds amazing.
[09:44] (Flashback) Tsgr
    I want to hurry up and lecture some kids.
[09:48] (Flashback) Jir
    Yeah, I can't wait, either.
[10:32] Oug
    The first was that man.
[10:35] Oug
    And I used my broken horn as
    motivation to grow much stronger.
[10:41] Oug
    So why have I had a horn broken once again?
[10:49] Oug
    Why are we once again...
[11:01] Oug
    running in fear from these apes like so?
[11:09] Oug
    And it isn't just us.
[11:14] Oug
    The head?!
[11:19] Oug
    Retreat!
[11:22] Tsu
    Don't let them escape!
[11:25] Oug
    What are these people?
[11:29] Oug
    How are they driving back proud
    warrior races one after the other?
[11:34] (Flashback) Hed
    The lives we plucked out must've been trying
    to bloom for a purpose of their own.
[11:43] Oug
    What were they born for,
    and what are they living for?
[11:47] Oug
    What is the name of the flower
    these Earthlings are growing?
[11:52] Jir
    They're finally falling apart.
[11:55] Jir
    But unless we do something
    about their main force,
[11:59] Jir
    we'll still be in a desperate situation.
[12:02] Jir
    If they regroup with the main
    force, that's it for us.
[12:05] Jir
    What we did would amount to nothing more
    than sticking a needle into an elephant.
[12:09] Gin
    Sure, one needle isn't enough
    to defeat an elephant.
[12:12] Gin
    But if it were tipped with poison,
    it'd soon spread throughout that huge body
[12:17] Gin
    and render the elephant immobile.
[12:19] Gin
    Fear is contagious, you know?
SIGN    Kabuki District First
[12:23] Gin
    If they wanna get out of this town, let them.
[12:27] Gin
    But...
[12:33] Gin
    Only after we've laced them
    with the poison known as fear!
[12:38] Sai
    Pako?
[12:39] Gin
    Our visitors will be leaving, Mama.
[12:43] Gin
    They had their fair share of fun in our town.
[12:47] Gin
    Right down to their butt hair, we'll...
[12:48] Kag
    ...fleece them for everything they've got!
[12:55] G
    N-No way!
[12:57] G
    The last mercenary group came back
    with their tails between their legs!
[12:59] G
    It's not just here!
[13:01] G
    Even at the West Gate...
[13:04] G
    and the South Gate!
[13:07] Jir
    I've gotten in on quite the gamble.
[13:10] Jir
    Opening all the gates to
    drive out the enemies inside
[13:14] Jir
    and using that momentum to make the
    main Liberation Army force withdraw?
[13:18] Jir
    But who knows if we'll be able to make
    that huge force sense impending defeat?
[13:24] Jir
    I'm a gangster, and even I wouldn't
    make such a reckless gamble.
[13:28] Bim
    But maybe the only one capable of doing
    something as absurd as saving the world
[13:32] Bim
    is a huge moron who could doom the
    world to destruction with one misstep.
[13:40] Gin
    Run!
[13:42] Gin
    Keep running forward until you
    can't see any enemies up ahead!
[13:45] Gin
    Squeeze out every last
    ounce of energy you have!
[13:48] Gin
    Burn everything you have,
    and leave nothing behind!
[13:50] Gin
    Keep running until you're running on empty!
[13:56] Oug
    Your enemy is that way.
[14:00] Oug
    If you still want to withdraw,
    then I'll take you on.
[14:07] Oug
    Fight, you small fry!
[14:15] Shin
    With one roar, he revived
    their fighting spirit!
[14:19] Shin
    Their fear of us was overwritten
    by an even greater fear!
[14:25] Oug
    I am a Dakini. One who was born to
    fight, and one who lives to fight.
[14:31] Oug
    There is nothing I fear.
[14:33] Oug
    If there were something, I would simply
    pluck it out with my own hands.
[14:42] Oug
    Hey, you. Didn't you hear me?
[14:49] Oug
    Anyone who flees here has to answer to me.
[14:52] Hed
    I'm terribly sorry.
[14:54] Hed
    I heard a war was about to break out,
    so I was helping everyone evacuate.
[14:58] Hed
    That's why I couldn't get here in time.
[15:01] Hed
    If only I'd planted you elsewhere sooner...
[15:06] Hed
    I'm so sorry!
[15:10] Oug
    Th-That flower... It can't be!
[15:14] Oug
    The parasite, Parappa Heaven!
[15:17] Oug
    It takes root in its host's head,
    gradually takes over his thoughts,
[15:21] Oug
    and eventually turns their mind into
    an empty, blissful bed of flowers...
[15:25] Oug
    A deadly parasitic plant from Planet Kohaku!
[15:29] (Flashback) Hed
    I bloomed.
[15:32] (Flashback) Hed
    I grew a flower of my own.
[15:37] Oug
    Are you...
[15:38] Oug
    The Dakini's greatest warrior,
    the one who broke my horn...
[15:42] Oug
    The one hailed as the "Divine Horn"...
[15:44] Hed
    I have no idea who you are.
[15:49] Hed
    I'm just a friendly neighborhood florist.
[15:53] Hed
    I love the flowers, the lives,
    that bloom on this planet,
[15:56] Hed
    and to Odd Jobs, I'm...
[16:00] Hed
    Neighbor Hedoro!
[16:03] Hed
    And so, I ask.
[16:05] Hed
    Who was it that trampled upon
    one of this planet's lives?
[16:09] Hed
    Please be honest and raise your hand!
[16:12] Shin
    H-Hedoro-san...
[16:15] Oug
    Get him!
[16:17] Oug
    All hands, defeat this man!
[16:19] Oug
    Break the Divine Horn!
[16:24] Hed
    This won't do.
[16:26] Hed
    I did ask you to be honest
    and raise your hand,
[16:29] Hed
    but I wasn't expecting
    so many of you to do it.
[16:33] Hed
    I wanted the culprit to apologize to
    the flower, but this will take all day.
[16:39] Oug
    Corrupted by the flower, you've lost your
    character and all your fighting skill.
[16:44] Oug
    You don't need those horns anymore!
[16:52] Hed
    But...
[16:55] Hed
    Even if making you all apologize
    is out of the question,
[16:58] Hed
    I think I can manage punishing
    each of you with a punch.
[17:05] Hed
    Now...
[17:09] Hed
    I'd like to get this over with quick,
    so could you all come to me at once?
[17:18] Shin
    H-Hedoro!
[17:21] Shin
    He took out that monster in one hit!
[17:23] Shin
    He threw the Liberation Army
    into the deepest depths of fear!
[17:26] Shin
    The enemy's been consumed by fear
    and is retreating all at once!
[17:29] Shin
    Hedoro-san, you're too scary! You really
    are the scariest one of them all!
[17:39] Shin
    Gin-san! Now's our chance to gang up on them!
[17:42] Shin
    Even these guys are running away!
[17:44] Shin
    Why are you all being consumed by fear, too?!
[17:46] Gin
    Are you stupid?
[17:47] Gin
    If that monster's flower withers, that'll
    mean the advent of a new demon king!
[17:50] Gin
    This final arc was nothing but the prologue
    for Jump's trademark power-creep system!
[17:55] Gin
    I've had it with this! I'm making
    the jump to Shonen Sunday!
[17:57] Shin
    What are you even talking about?!
[18:03] Gedo
    No need to worry, Gintoki-sama.
[18:06] Gedo
    No matter what manner of demons
    or evil monsters show up,
[18:09] Gedo
    Edo has the Ketsuno Clan
    of onmyoji on its side.
[18:16] Kag
    Gedomaru! Ketsuno Ana!
[18:18] Shin
    Wh-Why are you here?
[18:20] Ket
    The Ketsuno Clan was entrusted by
    the bakufu with the guarding of Edo.
[18:25] Ket
    Did you think we only take
    on demons or spirits?
[18:30] Ket
    Tell them, Gedomaru-san.
[18:32] Ged
    I'm late 'cause Satan stubbornly started
    the Third Underworld War with Nurarihyon,
[18:40] Ged
    but I'm now prepared to switch
    from occult to sci-fi.
[18:43] Shin
    Uh, that other thing sounds much more scary!
[18:45] Ged
    From here on, I won't be a
    shikigami of the Ketsuno Clan.
[18:50] Ged
    I'm ready to fight together
    with you all as a human friend.
[18:54] Ged
    So Gintoki-sama, please wipe that
    pathetic look off your face.
[18:59] Ged
    If you still want to withdraw,
[19:06] Ged
    then I'll send you to the same hell I
    sent Satan to. Is that okay with you?
[19:10] Shin
    The bad guy just played
    that same card earlier!
[19:12] Ged
    Fight, you small fry!
[19:15] Shin
    I can't tell which ones
    are the shikigami here!
[19:19] G
    Wh-What the hell is that?
[19:20] G
    They're coming this way!
[19:26] G
    Run for it!
[19:29] Shin
    Wait a damn second!
[19:30] Shin
    Instead of making the enemy retreat, we're
    retreating faster than the enemy here!
[19:34] Kag
    We overtook the enemy!
    We left them in the dust!
[19:37] Gin
    Hey, this is bad! We're gonna
    catch up to the monster up ahead!
[19:40] Shin
    We're sandwiched between monsters!
[19:42] Shin
    What kinda sandwich is this?
    Which earl came up with this thing?!
[19:46] Gin
    Crap! There's nowhere left to run!
[19:49] Ged
    Get going already.
[19:59] Sei
    An illusion technique?
[20:01] Sei
    To make an army that large retreat, we
    can't fight with only what we have on hand.
[20:07] Dou
    You must make your empty hand
    look like it's full of cards
[20:10] Dou
    and borrow the strength of the nonexistent.
[20:13] Dou
    Only con men or we onmyoji
    could pull that off.
[20:18] Sei
    Indeed.
[20:20] Sei
    Con man, I don't intend to
    recognize you as an onmyoji.
[20:24] Dou
    But I will recognize you as
    this country's best con man.
[20:28] Dou
    Even a con man's ability can come
    in handy at a time like this.
[20:33] Sei
    Doman!
[20:34] Dou
    Seimei!
[20:36] Bo
    Throw in everything you've got!
[20:48] G
    Hold your ground!
[20:50] G
    If we retreat any farther,
    the entire force will collapse!
[20:53] G
    We have an overwhelming numbers advantage!
[20:55] G
    Surround the enemy and crush them!
[20:58] G
    Reinforcements will arrive
    soon! Hold out until then!
[21:02] G
    Is it reinforcements?
[21:06] G
    N-No way...
[21:09] G
    There's no way they still have
    so many troops remaining...
[21:12] G
    Hey, look!
[21:18] G
    They keep showing up from everywhere!
[21:20] G
    I-In crazy numbers!
[21:22] G
    Is this it? Are we surrounded?!
[21:25] G
    Calm down! That can't be!
[21:27] G
    How are we supposed to calm down?
[21:29] G
    D-Does that mean we're... we're...
[21:34] G
    Hey, wait!
[21:35] G
    I said wait!
[21:50] Shin
    We did it.
[21:52] Shin
    The Liberation Army...
[21:55] Shin
    ...retreated!
[21:57] Kag
    Gin-chan, we did it!
[22:00] Kag
    W-With this, a little peace will
    return to the Kabuki District.
[22:06] Kag
    Gin-chan?
SIGN    Preview
[23:45] Kag
    Nothing beats peace after all.
[23:48] Jir
    This town is noisy all year round.
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
[23:50] Jir
    Nights like these ain't
    so bad once in a while.
SIGN    Peace and Destruction
    Are Two Sides of the Same Coin
SIGN    The battle ends, the sun sets,
SIGN    and we jump out of the frying pan into the fire.
SIGN    Now that the flower's been ripped out,
SIGN    what's going to happen?

E352 - Peace and Destruction Are Two Sides of the Same Coin

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Watch the Silver Soul Arc in a bright room
    and at a safe distance from your TV!!
[00:17] Shin
    The Liberation Army...
[00:21] Shin
    ...retreated!
[00:30] Kag
    We win!
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Silver Soul
[01:56] Hed
    Odd Jobs...
[01:58] Hed
    What are you doing there?
    I was worried sick, you know.
[02:03] Hed
    I couldn't believe what happened to Edo.
[02:05] Hed
    But I believed, because you all...
[02:09] Hed
    ...will be massacred by my hand!
[02:13] Hed
    You're about to experience true fear now.
[02:16] Hed
    Let me tell you about my terrifying plan.
[02:20] Hed
    It involves...
[02:22] Hed
    not just flowers or plants.
[02:24] Hed
    I want to watch over the flower called
    mankind that I found on this planet, too.
[02:29] Hed
    Basically, this planet was a flower
    bed built to be trampled by me.
[02:35] Hed
    I want to bloom with you all as
    one of this planet's flowers.
[02:41] Gin
    M-My hand's stuck!
[02:44] Hed
    And when the flowers reach full bloom,
    this planet will be a garden of peace—
[02:50] Hed
    D-Did you break that seal?!
[02:54] Hed
    It's all over! You humans
    are done for, and so am I!
[02:58] Hed
    And so is this universe!
[03:00] Hed
    It's all ove—
SIGN    New Half Pub 1/2
    Grand Opening
    Chris Matsunosuke
[03:09] Hed
    That was close.
[03:11] Hed
    I'll be sure to repay this favor, humanity!
[03:14] Hed
    Not on my watch.
[03:16] Hed
    As long as I'm here, I won't let
    you do as you please, Hedora!
[03:19] Hed
    It's futile, Hedoro.
[03:21] Hed
    This body and this universe will be
    enveloped in total darkness soon!
[03:24] Gin
    H-He split into halves?
[03:26] Hed
    I'll protect both Earth and humanity.
[03:28] Hed
    I'll destroy both Earth and humanity.
[03:31] Hed
    I won't let you do as you please, Hedora!
[03:32] Shin
    What is even going on there?
[03:34] Kag
    I don't get it either,
[03:34] Hed
    It's futile, Hedoro.
[03:36] Kag
    but they look like they're having fun.
[03:38] Kag
    It's been a while since I've seen that
    kind of look on these people's faces.
[03:43] Kag
    I guess nothing beats peace after all.
[03:46] Shin
    Yeah, you're right.
[03:52] Y
    Now, it's our time to shine.
SIGN    The joy is short-lived.
SIGN    The Yato move out at twilight.
SIGN    Even if it's for just one night,
SIGN    enjoy the peace while it lasts.
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
SIGN    Peace and Destruction
    Are Two Sides of the Same Coin
[04:12] Oto
    Never thought I'd see the
    day when the Kabuki District
[04:15] Oto
    would be lit up not by neon lights,
    but by moonlight and bonfires.
[04:19] Jir
    This town is noisy all year round. Nights
    like these ain't so bad once in a while.
[04:25] Jir
    If we can see the town bathed in the
    light of dawn next, it'll be perfect.
[04:31] Jir
    We did force them to retreat,
    but it ain't like we won.
[04:35] Jir
    If the enemy force regroups and attacks
    again, we'll be defeated in a flash.
[04:40] Oto
    I didn't think I'd ever hear
    such meek words from you.
[04:45] Oto
    Living a long life has its benefits.
[04:46] Jir
    Did that sound meek to you?
[04:48] Jir
    I guess you've grown hard of hearing.
[04:51] Oto
    It's not such a bad thing.
[04:54] Oto
    The only ones who can complain and whine
    are those who have people they can rely on.
[05:00] Oto
    You've finally grown up, Jirocho.
[05:03] Jir
    Pah! I'd much rather be called
    a senile geezer than that!
[05:08] Sai
    What's this? You two used to
    constantly be at odds,
[05:12] Sai
    but you seem to be enjoying
    each other's company tonight.
[05:18] Sai
    Oh, am I interrupting?
[05:20] Oto
    Not at all, Saigo. I was just thinking
    I'd like to share a drink with you, too.
[05:28] Oto
    I'm actually a bit thankful we're
    in this situation, you know.
[05:32] Oto
    I feel like it has helped me
    like people a little more.
[05:38] Oto
    If it's a night like this, maybe it wouldn't
    be so bad if it turned out to be my last.
[05:56] Jir
    Nah. We haven't drank enough yet.
[06:00] Kag
    Everyone's so beat-up.
[06:03] Shin
    That's no surprise.
[06:05] Shin
    It's a miracle that we even
    drove that huge army back.
[06:10] Shin
    It's not just the people
    of the Kabuki District.
[06:12] Shin
    Everyone in Edo did everything they could,
[06:15] Shin
    as best they could.
[06:17] Shin
    That's probably why this miracle came about.
[06:21] Shin
    All you've been doing is getting in the way!
[06:23] Ged
    Pandemoniums are snacks that help
    with injuries and illnesses.
[06:28] Ged
    Would you like one?
[06:29] Shin
    Seriously, who would eat
    something so grotesque?!
[06:32] Pan
    Sorry. Am I being a nuisance after all?
[06:35] Pan
    I was so worried, I ended up coming along.
[06:38] Pan
    I guess I've become a
    really troublesome woman.
[06:40] Pan
    Sorry. I'll go away now.
[06:43] Shin
    Yeah, you're a nuisance.
[06:44] Shin
    If you're going to disturb my heart
    any further, just be with me forever!
[06:48] Kag
    You're the biggest nuisance here.
[06:49] Tae
    Shin-chan, Kagura-chan.
[06:51] Tae
    Forget about the straight man
    routine and get some rest.
[06:54] Kag
    Boss lady.
[06:55] Tae
    Gedomaru-san and friends volunteered for
    various tasks so that we could all rest.
[07:02] Tae
    They said they're not that tired yet,
[07:04] Tae
    and that they want more screen time since
    they only showed up in the latter stages.
[07:07] Shin
    Don't leak out your real motive at the end!
[07:09] Tae
    Gedomaru-san and gang are tending
    to the wounded and serving food.
[07:12] Shin
    They're going to turn us into food!
[07:14] Tae
    Seimei-san and Doman-san are guarding
    and keeping watch on the town.
[07:17] Sei
    My watchmen are scarier!
[07:19] Dom
    What? My watchmen are scarier!
[07:21] Shin
    These watchmen need watchmen of their own!
[07:23] Tae
    Ketsuno Ana is providing assistance
    via prayers and exorcism.
[07:26] Ket
    Tomorrow's weather will be nice and clear.
[07:28] Ket
    The perfect day for war.
[07:29] Shin
    Don't try to start a war!
[07:31] Tae
    If this is the time for everyone
    to do what they're supposed to,
[07:35] Tae
    then what you guys must do right now is rest.
[07:39] Tae
    Forget about everything and get some sleep.
[07:41] G
    B-But I'm worried the enemy
    might return at any time.
[07:45] Tae
    Relax. We're here for you,
    so eat lots and sleep well.
[07:49] Shin
    Sis, they're not sleeping!
    You finished them off!
[07:52] Ged
    Let's put them to sleep with that and
    then stuff Pandemoniums in their mouths.
[07:58] Tae
    That sounds good, too.
[07:59] Shin
    Hey! Why are these hazards to
    humanity feeding everyone?!
[08:02] Shin
    Can anybody bring food
    that's actually edible?!
[08:05] Pan
    You finally spilled the beans.
[08:07] Pan
    In truth, I knew all along
    how you felt about me.
[08:11] Pan
    So I'll confess, too.
[08:14] Pan
    I really wanted you to eat me.
[08:17] Pan
    Bye-bye. I love you.
[08:19] Shin
    Bring me every single Pandemonium
    you've got, right this instant!
[08:23] Kag
    Shinpachi, you seriously
    need to get some rest.
[08:26] Kon
    Really? I'll take you up on
    that offer and rest, then.
[08:31] Kon
    I'm worn out from all the fighting.
[08:35] Kon
    I finally made it back...
[08:38] Kon
    Back to you.
[08:40] Kon
    I'm back, Otae-san.
[08:45] Tae
    W-Welcome back, Kondo-san.
[08:49] Kon
    Otae-san!
[08:51] Tae
    Kondo-san!
[08:52] Tae
    Who're you calling Otae?!
[08:55] Kon
    O-Otae-san? Y-You're being too intense!
[08:58] Kon
    N-No! We can't do this!
[09:00] Shin
    Let go of Pandemonium-san!
[09:02] Tae
    What's with that scene right out of hell?
[09:04] Ged
    It seems the Pandemonium's illusion
    ability worked a bit too well on them.
[09:07] Hij
    What's all this?
[09:09] Hij
    He was saying he had a real chance,
    with the world about to end and all,
[09:13] Hij
    but all of this is no different
    than it has always been.
[09:16] Oki
    What are you saying, Hijikata-san?
[09:19] Oki
    This is what Kondo-san wanted.
[09:23] Oki
    The same old routine.
[09:27] Tae
    Just when the world is about to end,
    you finally return home?
[09:30] Tae
    I see that cops will always be cops.
[09:33] Hij
    Unfortunately, saving the world isn't
    in the police's job description.
[09:36] Hij
    But we have tons of other work to do.
[09:38] Sac
    Pretty much.
[09:40] Sac
    Don't know or care about the world,
[09:43] Sac
    but it looks like we did
    at least protect our home.
[09:48] Tae
    Guys...
[09:51] Tae
    You did well.
[09:53] Kag
    Boss lady, you're talking to the wrong thing.
[09:58] Oto
    So basically,
[09:59] Oto
    the Liberation Army won't be
    back for revenge immediately?
SIGN    Kabuki District
    Four Devas
[10:03] Oto
    You mean we'll be safe for a while?
[10:06] Kon
    They're isolated from
    their main force in space.
[10:09] Kon
    They've lost both their comms
    and their chain of command.
[10:12] Kon
    In this situation, it'll be difficult to
    regroup a force that already crumbled once.
SIGN    Shinsengumi
[10:16] Hij
    They were attacked by the bakufu army while
    on the run, and now they're scattered.
[10:20] Hij
    They don't have it in them
    to switch to attack.
[10:22] Oki
    If anything, this might
    be our chance to attack.
[10:26] Oki
    If we can rob them of their provisions,
[10:28] Oki
    we can watch the enemy crumble
    without having to fight.
[10:31] Zen
    You want us to make the first move?
SIGN    Oniwaban
[10:33] Zen
    If we corner that huge force any more,
    who knows how they'll respond?
[10:39] Zen
    Besides...
[10:40] Zen
    Those unconfirmed reports about another mercenary squad worry me, too.
[10:44] Bim
    This victory was practically a miracle,
SIGN    Yagyuu Chinkage
    School
[10:48] Bim
    and we had to pay a heavy price for it.
[10:51] Bim
    If we want more, we'll have to be
    prepared to sacrifice a lot more, too.
[10:59] Tsu
    We didn't fight to win the war.
[11:02] Tsu
    We fought to stop it.
SIGN    Yoshiwara Defense
    Force Hyakka
[11:04] Tsu
    If we willingly cause more casualties,
[11:07] Tsu
    wouldn't it be the same as siding
    with the Liberation Army?
[11:10] Sei
    Seizing an opportunity is akin to
    grasping a log floating down a river.
SIGN    Onmyoji
    Ketsuno Clan & Shirino Clan
[11:15] Sei
    Being cautious is all well and good,
[11:17] Sei
    but this might be our last shot at victory.
[11:22] Ket
    Brother, are you saying we must fight?
[11:25] Sei
    I'm saying that stopping a war needs
    more resolve than starting one.
[11:29] Kon
    Exactly. Let's fight.
[11:31] Tsu
    But you know...
[11:35] Ged
    How do you feel, Odd Jobs?
[11:37] Ged
    Which option do you think we should choose?
SIGN    Odd Jobs
[11:40] Kag
    I say go with curry.
[11:42] Shin
    Nobody's asking about dinner, Kagura-chan.
[11:46] Shin
    Well, uh...
[11:47] Shin
    I don't understand the complicated stuff,
[11:50] Shin
    but I feel like if we're all together,
    we can work something out either way.
[11:54] Shin
    I'm not afraid of anything.
[11:57] Shin
    I'm just so overwhelmed that all
    of you are fighting alongside us.
[12:02] Shin
    I'm glad I was born in Edo, on Earth...
[12:06] Shin
    Oh, that's not what you
    were asking about, was it?
[12:09] Shin
    Sorry.
[12:11] Gin
    That's not true.
[12:13] Gin
    Compared to the fact that so many people
    have come together for one cause,
[12:18] Gin
    which method we choose
    is but a trivial matter.
[12:22] Gin
    Then we could just
[12:26] Gin
    try launching HEVA.
SIGN    All-Purpose Demonoid Final Battle Weapon
SIGN    Hevandorogon
[12:41] Gin
    What do you think, everyone?
[12:43] Gin
    We're ready.
[12:45] Gin
    We squeezed out a high synchro
    rate and are good to go whenever,
[12:49] Gin
    but we'd like Odd Jobs' opinion.
[12:51] Shin
    You're Odd Jobs, too.
[12:53] Gin
    Should we launch HEVA,
    or should it be on standby?
[12:58] Gin
    How do you feel about HEVA? Do you like it?
[13:00] Shin
    Why have our options been
    whittled down to HEVA alone?
[13:03] Gin
    What do you think, HEVA?
[13:05] Gin
    Hey, HEVA.
[13:07] Gin
    Um, Hedoro-san?
[13:08] Hed
    Who, me? Uh, I think it could work.
[13:12] Shin
    Um, it looks like even he
    doesn't know about HEVA.
[13:16] Hij
    I think it's too early.
    What about you, Kondo-san?
[13:19] Kon
    Well, yeah. I agree with you.
[13:22] Sac
    If he wants to go, just let him.
[13:26] Tsu
    Yes, I agree.
[13:28] Hij
    We'll leave it to you young'uns.
[13:31] Oto
    Do as you please, EVA.
[13:33] G
    Wasn't it HEVA, not EVA?
[13:35] G
    No, wasn't it NOVA?
[13:37] G
    What's HEVA, anyway?
[13:41] Shin
    Nobody knows?!
[13:43] Gin
    Oh, you didn't know?
[13:45] Gin
    I thought everyone knew.
[13:47] Shin
    Like hell they would!
    You haven't explained a thing!
[13:50] Gin
    Can't you tell at a glance?
[13:52] Gin
    Aside from the Liberation Army thing,
[13:54] Gin
    the world was nearly ended seven times
    by the Hedora inside Hedoro-san.
[13:58] Gin
    Isn't it obvious that it was all resolved
    by them turning into HEVA in the end?
[14:01] Shin
    Not even an ESPer could get that!
[14:03] Gin
    Long story short, I realized that we have
    no choice but to use this demon's power.
[14:08] Gin
    We turn humanity's greatest
    threat into its greatest savior
[14:11] Gin
    and hit the Liberation Army with it.
[14:13] Gin
    That's the All-Purpose Demonoid
    Final Battle Weapon, Hevandorogon.
[14:17] Shin
    What kind of preposterous
    monster have you created?!
[14:20] Gin
    Don't worry. Through trial and error,
[14:23] Gin
    I found the perfect way to use both
    the angel's and the demon's powers.
[14:27] Gin
    It can even play the straight man now.
[14:29] Gin
    Try playing the fool.
[14:31] Shin
    U-Uh, this is sudden.
    I'm the straight man, anyway.
[14:34] Hed
    What the heck? Want me to destroy humanity?!
[14:39] Gin
    If I use the right lever, like so,
[14:41] Gin
    the demon of destruction Hedora's
    personality will come to the forefront.
[14:45] Gin
    He's mainly in charge of jabs and
    opening stuck lids on jars of jam.
[14:49] Shin
    What are you using that demonic power for?!
[14:51] Shin
    He was aiming his jabs at humanity!
    He hasn't given up on destroying humanity!
[14:55] Shin
    Meanwhile, the left lever
    is for cleaning up the mess.
[14:58] Hed
    Shinpachi-kun, I'm sorry
    Hedora was violent with you.
[15:02] Shin
    H-Hedoro-san, thank you so...
[15:04] Hed
    Watch out! There's a ladybug!
[15:07] Shin
    Almost nothing's changed!
[15:08] Shin
    Looks like it was safe. Thank goodness.
[15:12] Gin
    I'll use the angel or demon, depending
    on the situation, and protect humanity.
[15:17] Gin
    That's the gist of the Human
    Instrumentality Project.
[15:19] Shin
    But I saw nothing but demon!
[15:21] Shin
    You sure this isn't the Ladybug
    Instrumentality Project?!
[15:24] Hed
    What the heck? Want me to destroy humanity?!
[15:27] Shin
    He returned my jab with a jab!
[15:29] Gin
    You spewed sorely mistaken nonsense.
    In other words, you played the fool.
[15:33] Gin
    Better watch your mouth, or I'll
    deem it a comedy act and jab at it.
[15:37] Shin
    This is bad! The demon's got
    another demon riding on top!
[15:39] Kon
    Stop it, Odd Jobs! It's too dangerous!
[15:42] Kon
    That thing's throwing jabs not
    at fools, but at humanity itself!
[15:47] Kon
    Eventually, its jabs will even hit you!
[15:51] Gin
    Even so, I have to keep throwing jabs
[15:55] Gin
    until the world drops this
    unfunny joke about ending.
[15:59] Kon
    In that case, knock me out before you go!
[16:04] Gin
    You're in the way. Move.
[16:05] Kon
    What's wrong? Come on, give me a jab!
[16:10] Gin
    I can't.
[16:12] Gin
    Because you're not a human.
[16:15] Gin
    You're an ape.
[16:17] Kon
    Knock me out.
[16:21] Kon
    Come on, knock me out.
[16:25] Kon
    Please knock me out!
[16:28] Hed
    Watch out! There's a cockroach!
[16:35] Shin
    How do you even respond to this?!
[16:41] Tae
    Demon? More like a god.
[16:44] Tae
    And that god is telling you to get
    some rest, for tonight at least.
[16:49] Tae
    So don't worry about it, Hedoro-san.
[16:51] Tae
    It's this moron's fault for toying
    with someone like they were a robot.
[16:55] Hed
    I'm terribly sorry.
[16:57] Hed
    In my eyes, both Sakata-san and cockroaches
    are equally my friends on Earth.
[17:02] Tae
    Jeez, cheer up!
[17:05] Tae
    This guy deserves to be treated
    worse than a cockroach!
[17:07] Hed
    What the heck? Want me to destroy humanity?!
[17:10] Gin
    He cheered up too much!
[17:12] Gin
    Quit messing with that branch under the
    pretext of offering an olive branch!
[17:15] Shin
    But you really should get some rest.
[17:18] Shin
    The war will continue tomorrow
    and thereafter, too.
[17:20] Gin
    Tell your sister that!
[17:22] Shin
    Thinking back, you've been
    fighting constantly for ages.
[17:27] Shin
    You always fight until you're a mess.
[17:29] Shin
    In truth, you must be really worn out, right?
[17:33] Gin
    I could say the same about you guys.
[17:36] Gin
    I ran you two into the ground, after all.
[17:40] Gin
    For unpaid interns, you did great work.
[17:43] Gin
    You did well to keep up with such a lowlife.
[17:48] Gin
    But, maybe because you were
    with such an unreliable adult,
[17:52] Gin
    you've both grown much stronger.
[18:11] Tae
    Looks like they've taken over the futon.
[18:14] Tae
    If they'd stayed up a little longer, they
    could've heard some rare words of praise.
[18:20] Gin
    I guess they still have a ways to go.
[18:22] Gin
    And so do I.
[18:29] Oki
    Hijikata-san, just when will
    we be able to rest?
[18:33] Hij
    If the world ends, we'll get
    more sleep than we'd ever want.
[18:36] Hij
    Enjoy the street life while you still can.
[18:39] Oki
    The only things you can enjoy
    in this pitch-dark world
[18:42] Oki
    are sleep and sex.
[18:44] Oki
    Did you know?
[18:46] Oki
    Every city that experiences a huge blackout
    has higher birthrates the next year.
[18:56] Hij
    That's what I'm looking for.
[18:58] Oki
    Huh? Someone to sleep with?
[18:59] Hij
    Hell no!
[19:01] Hij
    The man who went beyond blackout and broke
    every machine in Edo, Hiraga Gengai.
[19:06] Hij
    Without that virus cannon that stopped
    the enemy fleet and severed their comms,
[19:11] Hij
    we wouldn't be here right now.
[19:14] Hij
    But as things stand, we can't link
    up with the guys in space, either.
SIGN    Sleep well and build up energy.
[19:21] Hij
    We'll have to get him to help
    us communicate in some way.
[19:25] G
    Old man Gengai? Haven't seen him in a while.
[19:28] G
    I think he was nearly caught by a mercenary
    squad, but managed to get away.
[19:33] G
    Dunno after that, though.
[19:35] G
    Gengai-san? Yeah, I ran away with him.
[19:39] G
    But partway, he said he had
    to answer nature's call,
[19:43] G
    and then he didn't come back...
[19:45] G
    Huh? Gengai?
[19:46] G
    He was hiding in the shadows over
    there and yelling for toilet paper.
[19:57] Hij
    Hear us out while you wipe.
[20:00] Hij
    We need a favor from you, Gengai.
[20:06] Hij
    Gengai?
[20:09] Y
    Gengai, was it?
[20:11] Y
    Surely you know why you're here.
[20:14] Gen
    Yeah. You want me to clean
    up the mess I caused, right?
[20:19] Gen
    Even as your allies were taken out,
[20:22] Gen
    you sat back and watched, so where
    is all this coming from now?
[20:26] Y
    We never intended on fighting
    alongside complete idiots.
[20:31] Y
    Gengai, stop that nanomachine virus.
[20:35] G
    Bad news! Old man Gengai!
[20:40] Hij
    Gengai has fallen into enemy hands!
[20:44] Tsu
    Huh? You say something?
[20:47] Hij
    No. Nothing at all.
[20:50] Mat
    This is one unpleasant night.
[20:54] Mat
    It's so quiet, it's almost creepy.
[20:58] Mat
    I guess bonus stages never
    last very long, huh?
[21:05] Mat
    I hope they're getting some
    rest while they still can.
[21:14] Soyo
    You can't sleep either,
[21:15] Soyo
    Nobume-san?
[21:18] Nob
    I can't sleep well after getting
    injured and being a burden.
[21:22] Soyo
    Sorry I caused you unnecessary concern.
[21:24] Soyo
    But don't worry about keeping watch.
[21:26] Soyo
    I have the bodyguard the
    Odd Jobs left with me.
[21:31] Soyo
    Oh, it's fine. Let him sleep.
[21:37] Soyo
    Sorry, I don't know how to play
    the straight man very well.
[21:42] Soyo
    Come to think of it, something
    similar happened before, didn't it?
[21:46] Soyo
    I threw a tantrum, saying
    I was too lonely to sleep,
[21:50] Soyo
    but I hadn't experienced truly
    lonely nights back then.
[21:56] Nob
    We, the Hitotsubashi Faction, are the ones
    who put you siblings through all this.
[22:01] Nob
    I really have no right to
    be by your side like this.
[22:07] Soyo
    Just as you know my pain,
[22:10] Soyo
    I know your pain, too.
[22:16] Soyo
    Isn't that enough, Nobume-san?
[22:19] Soyo
    Let's get through this night,
    the two of us togeth—
[22:24] Nob
    Princess, I don't really know how
    to play the straight man, either.
[22:36] Nob
    What?
[22:40] NbNb
    Come...
[22:42] NbNb
    Co... in.
[22:44] NbNb
    Come in.
[22:45] Soyo
    Were the comms restored?
[22:48] NbNb
    Somebody... Is anybody there?
[22:53] NbNb
    Respond.
[22:55] Soyo
    Hello. I'm Tokugawa Shigeshige's
    younger sister,
[23:00] Soyo
    Soyo.
[23:04] Soyo
    Nobunobu-sama...
[23:06] Soyo
    It's you, isn't it?
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
SIGN    Bushido Is Found One Second Before Death
SIGN    Breaking news.
SIGN    Breaking news.
SIGN    After the next episode,
SIGN    Gintama will be taking a short break.

E353 - Bushido Is Found One Second Before Death

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Silver Soul
SIGN    The first half of the Silver Soul Arc
SIGN    reaches its climax!
SIGN    That man
SIGN    joins the fray, too.
SIGN    Watch the Silver Soul arc in a bright room
    and at a safe distance from your TV!!
[01:47] Soy
    I'm Tokugawa Shigeshige's little sister,
[01:50] Soy
    Soyo.
[01:52] Soy
    Nobunobu-sama...
[01:54] Soy
    It's you, isn't it?
[01:58] Sak
    What's wrong, Shogun-sama?
[02:00] Sak
    Weren't you tryin' ta get in touch
    with your retainers on Earth?
[02:08] Sak
    Hello. I'm Sakamoto
    Tatsuma, of the Kaientai.
[02:13] Sak
    For reasons, I'm workin'
    with the shogun right now.
[02:17] Sak
    Don't worry. He's perfectly fine.
[02:20] Sak
    And...
[02:24] G
    Admiral!
[02:27] Sak
    With the support of Liberation Army
    Admiral Shijaku and his faction,
[02:31] Sak
    we've just broken out of jail!
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
SIGN    Bushido Is Found
    One Second Before Death
[02:42] G
    The comms have been restored.
[02:44] G
    What's going on?
[02:46] G
    Don't tell me, old man Gengai...
[02:48] G
    If the enemy's weapons start
    working again, we're done for!
[02:50] Hij
    Hurry!
[02:51] Hij
    No matter what, we must find Gengai
    and free him from the enemy!
[02:56] Gin
    Calm down, you guys.
[02:59] Gin
    That geezer ain't the type to
    become the enemy's puppet.
[03:03] Gin
    He'll die quietly for us.
[03:04] Shin
    Don't kill him off!
[03:06] Gin
    Don't worry.
[03:07] Gin
    He's a surprisingly good communicator,
[03:09] Gin
    so he'll do fine in space or in hell.
[03:11] Shin
    Stop killing him off already!
[03:13] Gin
    In more pressing matters,
[03:16] Gin
    I need to take some Hepa,
    and I need you to get me a sick bag.
[03:18] Gin
    Wait a second. Don't shake me so much.
[03:21] Gin
    I feel sick...
[03:24] Hij
    Hey! Why would you drink
    until you puke during a war?!
[03:27] Gin
    I figured this was the save
    point before the last boss, too.
[03:32] Gin
    I was planning on recovering all my HP.
[03:34] Gin
    But when I woke up, I found myself
    rolling in a pit of poison.
[03:37] Gin
    My status screen had turned green.
[03:39] Gin
    Real life doesn't have save points.
[03:42] Gin
    Life is all about how your hitbox
    grows larger with each step you take.
[03:46] Gin
    In the first place, do you have
    proof the geezer was abducted?
[03:50] Oki
    He was caught when he took an outdoor
    dump and was immobile due to no TP.
[03:54] Oki
    There was an unfinished
    sht left on the scene.
[03:58] Oki
    And yet there was no sign he wiped.
[04:00] Gin
    So that means he was taken somewhere
    with sht still stuck to his ass.
[04:04] Gia
    What the hell? That's the most
    useless deduction ever.
[04:06] Gia
    Can you stake your gramps's name on it?
    Wouldn't you be ashamed to face him?
[04:09] Shin
    Even if so, maybe Gengai-san left us a clue.
[04:15] Oki
    A clue, huh?
[04:18] Shin
    I see.
[04:21] Shin
    Looks like we've hit the jackpot.
[04:24] Shin
    Okita-san, that's just sht.
    We've sht the jackpot.
[04:27] Oki
    Take a closer look.
[04:30] Shin
    The shts are in regular intervals?
[04:32] Oki
    He must've left these markers
    for us so we could find him.
[04:37] Shin
    What kind of Hansel and Gretel is that?
[04:39] Oki
    If we follow these, we should find Gengai.
[04:43] Hij
    Hey, Sogo, can you stake your
    gramps's name on it? You can, right?
[04:48] Gin
    It's probably some stray dog's poop.
[04:50] Shin
    Isn't this a bit too orderly for that?
[04:52] Hij
    And can one person really poop this much?
[04:55] Oki
    He might be in danger.
[04:57] Oki
    Let's hurry.
[05:03] Kon
    I guess I drank too much since
    I saw her after so long.
[05:07] Kon
    I was going to pretend it never happened,
[05:10] Kon
    but I believed that you guys would notice.
[05:15] Kon
    Did you buy spare underwear for me?
[05:20] Kon
    Toshi!
[05:21] Oki
    Oops. It was just a stray gorilla.
[05:23] Hij
    Yeah, that was a stray gorilla.
    There was no human there.
[05:26] Hij
    Got that, you guys?
[05:27] Shin
    I mean, sure, but are you okay with
    your leader being a stray gorilla?
[05:32] Shin
    But what now? We're out of leads again.
[05:37] Hij
    Hey, look at that.
[05:39] Shin
    Blood stains? Don't tell me...
[05:42] Hij
    This might be the clue Gengai left us.
[05:45] Shin
    No... You mean Gengai-san is...
[05:47] Hij
    Dunno, but we need to hurry.
    That much is for sure.
[05:51] Oki
    Hijikata-san,
[05:52] Oki
    can you stake gopchang on that?
SIGN    Gopchang (Small Intestines)
[05:54] Hij
    Why do I have to stake gopchang?
    Let me stake my gramps's name, too!
[05:58] Shin
    Look, the blood's gradually increasing!
[06:01] Hij
    This is bad! Hurry!
[06:06] Zen
    I-I drank too much and had
    a hemorrhoid explosion.
[06:10] Zen
    But I believed that you
    would definitely notice.
SIGN    Poraginol A
[06:14] Zen
    Please apply this to my ass.
[06:19] Hij
    Hey!
[06:20] Hij
    Your drinking party has left everyone in
    tatters, their lower halves in particular!
[06:24] Gin
    Don't try to worm out of it with a jab.
[06:25] Gin
    Your deduction was off the mark, so
    hurry up and bring out the gopchang.
[06:28] Hij
    Make him bring out his gramps first!
[06:30] Oki
    Sorry, Hijikata-san,
[06:32] Oki
    my gramps died a long time ago,
    so you hurry up and die, too.
[06:36] Hij
    What kind of logic is that? You guys
    have no right to speak of deductions!
[06:39] Shin
    Enough already! This isn't the time!
[06:43] Hij
    We'll have to use the comms and have
    people check every nook and cranny.
[06:47] Kag
    This way.
[06:50] Shin
    Kagura-chan?
[06:51] Oki
    You have an idea where he might be?
[06:55] Kag
    Trust my instincts.
[06:58] Kag
    It's on nights like these that the
    rabbits of the night turn into hunters.
[07:06] En
    Oh? He still has his ears and nose, I see.
[07:10] Y
    It's easy to tell if torture will work*
    on someone by looking at their face.
[07:16] Gen
    Hey.
[07:18] Gen
    You the leader of the Liberation
    Army? I finally get to talk to you.
[07:23] Gen
    As you can see, the comms are back up.
[07:26] Gen
    I wanted to get a good look at your face,
[07:29] Gen
    so I set the virus up to go light.
[07:31] Gen
    But the nanomachines won't stop.
[07:35] Gen
    You guys won't get anywhere close to Earth.
[07:38] Gen
    Because I don't know how
    to stop them, either.
[07:43] En
    I figured.
[07:45] En
    But that goes the same for us.
[07:48] En
    We cannot stop anymore.
[07:51] En
    We, the Altana Liberation Army,
[07:54] En
    gathered and took up arms to free
    planets from the Tendoshu's clutches.
[07:58] En
    If any planet refuses to accept our crusade,
[08:01] En
    if any planet decides to fight us,
[08:03] En
    we will grant their wish.
[08:06] En
    Earth, and all of the insects living on it,
[08:10] En
    will be reduced to space dust!
[08:15] Shi
    Forgive me.
[08:16] Shi
    I forced you guys to commit treason, too.
[08:20] G
    It's fine, sir.
[08:22] Shi
    Did anything happen while I was in prison?
[08:26] G
    Admiral, Prince Ensho is...
[08:29] Sak
    We will now work with Admiral Shijaku,
[08:33] Sak
    as well as his home planet, Okoku,
[08:35] Sak
    and Okoku's Prince Dragonia.
[08:37] Sak
    and Stup—I mean Prince Hata,
[08:41] Sak
    and take over the Heavenly Bird,
    mothership of the Liberation Army's fleet.
[08:46] Sak
    There's still a huge numerical disadvantage,
[08:49] Sak
    but we're already on the mothership.
[08:51] Sak
    If we use this situation ta our
    advantage, things could work out.
[08:55] ---
    So please pass on a message
    ta the guys fightin' on Earth:
[08:59] ---
    "Hang in there just a bit longer.
[09:02] ---
    And let's stay alive and
    meet on Earth for sure."
[09:08] ---
    Will that do, Shogun-sama?
[09:12] Shi
    What?!
[09:13] Shi
    I-Is that true?
[09:15] Sak
    Admiral?
[09:17] Sak
    What's wrong?
[09:19] Shi
    I'm sorry,
[09:21] Shi
    my friends from Earth.
[09:24] Shi
    Everything was too late.
[09:29] En
    Weapon of destruction,
    the Flame of Kagutsuchi.
[09:33] En
    The Heavenly Bird is but a
    platform for this massive weapon.
[09:37] En
    Since it has the power to
    destroy a planet in one shot,
[09:41] En
    it was deemed a forbidden weapon
    and sealed away for ages...
[09:46] Shi
    But we brought it back when
    we started our crusade.
[09:50] Shi
    The Flame of Kagutsuchi has
    already begun preparing to fire.
[09:57] Shi
    In other words,
[09:58] Shi
    six hours from now, that blue planet
    will be gone from the universe.
[10:05] Gen
    If you can't get close to Earth,
[10:08] Gen
    you'll finish things off
    with one shot from space?
[10:11] Gen
    After making so many sacrifices in this
    war, you want to reduce it to nothing?
[10:16] Gen
    Along with your comrades still on this
    planet, who joined you in your cause?
[10:22] En
    That's the reason.
[10:24] En
    To ensure that our comrades'
    sacrifices aren't in vain,
[10:27] En
    our crusade cannot end in a loss.
[10:30] En
    Our comrades on Earth would be glad to
    become the foundation for our victory.
[10:38] G
    Prince, what exactly are we fighting?
[10:43] G
    Destroy a planet along
    with our comrades on it?
[10:45] G
    Wouldn't that make us the
    same as the Tendoshu?
[10:50] G
    Please stop, Prince.
[10:53] G
    This is no crusade!
[10:56] En
    Just cause is but an excuse readied for
    weaklings who can't fight without a reason.
[11:05] En
    I knew all along
[11:07] En
    that defeating the Tendoshu won't
    bring back what we've lost.
[11:13] En
    Then why do we fight?
[11:17] En
    Isn't it because that's the
    only thing we have left?
[11:25] En
    Having lost even our means to
    soothe our hatred and sorrow,
[11:31] En
    all we can do is keep burning
    them in the flames of war.
[11:36] En
    It is as you see.
[11:38] En
    We're prepared to walk over the
    corpses of our comrades to fight...
[11:43] G
    Prince!
[11:44] Sak
    Run!
[11:49] Shi
    There's no time!
[11:50] Shi
    Or any shot at victory!
[11:52] Sak
    So what?
[11:54] Sak
    Whether we have a shot at victory or not,
    what we must do remains the same!
[12:09] Sak
    Yeah. It changes nothing.
[12:12] Sak
    Whoever said bushido is found in
    death was right on the money.
[12:18] G
    The reinforcements from
    Planet Okoku have arrived.
[12:20] Kat
    Good.
[12:22] Kat
    Deploy at the edge of the Liberation
    Army's radar net at once.
[12:26] Kat
    Lure the enemy fleet as far away
    from its mothership as possible.
[12:29] Kat
    We'll use that chance to raid the
    mothership with our stealth ship.
[12:33] Hata
    Why is this happening?
[12:35] Kat
    So says Prince Dragonia.
[12:39] Sak
    Even if the end will arrive in one second,
[12:43] Sak
    live your life so you
    don't leave any regrets.
[12:46] Sak
    That's the samurai way.
[12:54] Gin
    I will never drink again!
[12:59] Soy
    Sakamoto-san...
[13:01] Soy
    Sakamoto-san!
[13:04] Soy
    Sakamoto-san! Sakamoto-san!
[13:10] NbNb
    Rest assured.
[13:12] NbNb
    I will protect Edo and our
    country, no matter what.
[13:18] NbNb
    That's what your brother would say, right?
[13:27] NbNb
    That's what a real shogun would say.
[13:29] NbNb
    Unfortunately, I have neither the
    right nor the capability to do so,
[13:35] NbNb
    but I do have the right to act
    as the country's stepping stone.
[13:40] NbNb
    So many people died failing to
    protect what they wished to protect,
[13:44] NbNb
    and I have the right to die for
    the things they left behind.
[13:53] NbNb
    Forgive me.
[13:58] Soy
    I won't forgive you.
[14:01] Soy
    Unless you come back alive,
[14:07] Soy
    I won't forgive you.
[14:10] Soy
    Come back here, accompany
    me to Brother's grave,
[14:16] Soy
    and report to him that we protected Edo.
[14:19] Soy
    If you don't...
[14:24] Soy
    I'll never forgive you!
[14:33] Y
    That prince came up with
    quite the interesting plan.
[14:38] Y
    To think he would threaten us, too...
[14:41] Y
    Let the Liberation Army on Earth know.
[14:44] G
    "HQ has abandoned us.
[14:47] G
    If you want to avoid dying with Earth,
[14:50] G
    you only have two options:
[14:52] G
    either do something about
    the nanomachine virus,
[14:55] G
    or bring down this country by dawn"?
[14:59] G
    Elder Son, what shall we do?
[15:07] Son
    Isn't it obvious?
[15:09] Son
    We'll survive and kill that brat.
[15:12] Son
    Gengai, you say you don't have the
    means to stop the nanomachine virus,
[15:17] Son
    but what if I say it can be
    the means to kill that prince?
[15:26] En
    How pitiful.
[15:28] En
    They are Earth's last hope?
[15:31] G
    I-Is this an error?
[15:33] En
    What's the matter?
[15:34] G
    The radar is detecting several
    ships behind the Heavenly Bird.
[15:38] G
    But there's no way such a
    large army could be here...
[15:42] Hata
    It's no error.
[15:45] Hata
    Members of the Liberation Army,
[15:47] Hata
    your actions toward Earth are nothing but
    an invasion in the name of liberation!
[15:54] Hata
    Even if the universe will stand
    for this savagery, we will not!
[16:00] Hata
    Planet Okoku's...
[16:02] Hata
    ...Gramps says he won't stand for it.
[16:04] Jii
    Wh-Why, you!
[16:05] Jii
    Why are you trying to blame someone else
    and save your skin now, Prince Hog?
[16:09] Hata
    But I haven't done anything!
[16:11] Hata
    I was just suddenly carried off and
    told to read this note out loud!
[16:15] Jii
    Then I've done practically
    nothing all these years!
[16:18] Jii
    All I did was grow my beard!
    I was just a walking corpse!
[16:21] Hata
    Do some damn work!
[16:23] Hata
    How'd things end up like this, anyway?
[16:25] Hata
    Who was it that said we'd fight?
    He can read the note!
[16:28] Jii
    Which one of you said we'd fight?
[16:30] Jii
    Raise your hand! I won't yell at you!
[16:33] Hata
    Fine. Everyone close your eyes.
[16:35] Hata
    I'll close mine, too.
[16:37] Hata
    Only the Liberation Army needs to know.
[16:39] Jii
    Don't peek. No cheating, okay?
[16:42] Jii
    Whoever stole the lunch money, fess up!
[16:44] Hata
    Not the lunch money bit!
[16:45] Mad
    No fair! That was a fake-out?
[16:47] Mad
    You all said you'd keep your eyes closed!
[16:49] Hata
    There was a lunch money thief among us!
[16:51] Mad
    Not exactly lunch money.
[16:52] Mad
    You only fed me dog food, so I just stole
    some of your pudding from the fridge!
[16:56] Hata
    I was wondering why my royal pudding
    always went missing! It was you?
[17:00] Mad
    Shut it!
[17:00] Mad
    You get to eat amazing food every
    day, so quit whining over pudding!
[17:04] Jii
    Prince, let me handle this punk.
[17:06] Jii
    How dare you steal my one job?!
[17:08] Jii
    Give back my pudding!
[17:10] Hata
    You ate them, too?!
[17:15] G
    Follow the prince!
[17:17] G
    Open intercepting fire!
[17:30] Kat
    So it begins. I hope they
    manage to escape later.
[17:35] Kat
    Then shall we go, too?
[17:39] Kat
    I hope you're all ready.
[17:41] G
    Katsura-san, you needn't ask now.
[17:44] G
    We'll expel the aliens threatening
    our country to protect it.
[17:47] G
    We are...
[17:50] Kat
    I am...
[17:52] Kat
    Joi Rebel Katsura Kotaro!
[17:55] Kat
    I swear on my name that I shall deliver
    divine judgment upon the Liberation Army!
[18:00] Kat
    Let's go!
[18:09] En
    Beautiful.
[18:14] En
    Such a pure, beautiful light.
[18:19] En
    There's no doubt about it.
[18:22] En
    This is a crusade.
[18:27] Hij
    Earth will blow in six hours?
[18:30] Hij
    Is that why the Liberation
    Army's on the move again?
[18:34] Mat
    I didn't expect them to give their troops
    a kick up their backside this way.
[18:38] Hij
    Is there anything we can do, Pops?
[18:40] Mat
    Well, are there any cabaret clubs still open?
[18:43] Hij
    Don't go giving up!
[18:45] Mat
    No! I'm sure there are cabaret girls
    who will fight until the world ends.
[18:50] Hij
    I wasn't talking about them!
[18:51] Mat
    Toshi, giving up isn't such a bad thing.
[18:55] Mat
    You guys throw Earth aside
    and go rescue Gengai!
[18:59] Hij
    Earth is the one thing we
    shouldn't throw aside!
[19:03] Gin
    It's not like you'll throw it at nobody.
[19:09] Gin
    I don't know if they're worthy of
    being tasked with saving the world,
[19:13] Gin
    but there are some guys who are
    even more persistent than us...
[19:17] Gin
    There's a guy who won't sit back
    and watch the world be destroyed.
[19:21] Gin
    That's for sure.
[19:24] Kat
    What's going on?
[19:25] G
    We've been hit!
[19:26] Kat
    No... Does the enemy mothership have
[19:29] Kat
    some scouting function that
    surpasses our stealth function?!
[19:34] Kat
    Don't falter!
[19:35] Kat
    Charge in!
[19:39] Shi
    Hurry this way!
[19:43] Shi
    Fall back!
[19:44] Shi
    Change direction!
[19:53] G
    The control system broke!
[19:55] G
    We can't steer!
[19:56] G
    At this rate, we won't
    reach the enemy mothership!
[19:58] G
    Katsura-san!
[20:07] Sak
    One after another...
[20:14] En
    Burn.
[20:16] En
    Turn into ash.
[20:39] G
    We're under attack from the right!
[20:40] G
    That's...
[20:43] G
    That fleet is...
[20:51] Kat
    What the—
[20:57] Tak
    What are you wasting time for?
[21:00] Tak
    Keep up or I'll leave you behind,
[21:02] Tak
    Zura.
[21:29] Tak
    This won't do.
[21:32] Tak
    I don't care if you're the
    Liberation Army or whatever,
[21:35] Tak
    but you can't do whatever
    you want while I'm gone.
[21:38] Tak
    You're hurting my business.
[21:42] Sak
    Y-You...
[21:44] Tak
    A weapon of destruction that'll erase Earth?
[21:47] Tak
    Sorry, but it won't get a chance to shine.
[21:53] Tak
    The one to destroy this world
[21:58] Tak
    will be me.
SIGN    The Silver Soul Arc
SIGN    will be back.
SIGN    Look forward to it!!
SIGN    You know how plays and old movies
SIGN    have breaks in the middle?
SIGN    Sorry, but we're doing the same.
SIGN    It's now the intermission.

E354 - The Evildoers Who Do Good

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Emergency Rescue
SIGN    Defend Kabuki District from the Amanto!
SIGN    Operation: Drain the Pond!
[00:13] Ex
    Gin-san, do your best!
SIGN    Watch Operation: Drain the Pond in a bright
    room and at a safe distance from the TV!!!
[00:15] Gin
    That's a lot of sludge.
[00:17] Kag
    I can't wait to see what kind
    of alien species we find.
[00:20] Shin
    Uh...
[00:22] Shin
    Hey, guys!
[00:24] Shin
    Gin-san, Kagura-chan!
[00:26] Shin
    What the heck are you doing?!
[00:28] Gin
    Draining the pond.
[00:30] Shin
    Yeah, I can tell!
[00:31] Shin
    It's the Gintama anime's first episode
    of the final arc's second half!
[00:35] Shin
    I'm asking why you're draining a
    pond in such a crucial episode!
[00:39] Kag
    What are you talking about, Shinpachi?
[00:41] Kag
    We've gotta hook the viewers
    with the very first episode!
[00:45] Kag
    Pointless shows about stuff like draining
    ponds tend to have surprisingly good ratings.
[00:50] Kag
    True story!
[00:52] Shin
    Why're you acting like a trailblazer when
    you're just ripping off another show?!
[00:56] Shin
    Get to the actual story!
[00:57] Gin
    Dude, did you even see
    how the first half ended?
[01:00] Gin
    What was that all about?
[01:01] Gin
    A guy who had no screen time
    for an entire cour
[01:04] Gin
    gets a close-up of his smug face, steals
    the spotlight, and that's how it ends?
[01:08] Gin
    We can't do anything but drain a pond now.
[01:10] Shin
    Uh, I don't follow your logic at all!
[01:12] Gin
    You still don't get it, Shinpachi?
[01:14] Gin
    This is intricately linked to the
    Gintama anime's actual story!
[01:17] Shin
    Huh?
[01:18] Gin
    We earthlings have, until now,
[01:20] Gin
    have just looked on as the Amanto took over
    our towns and did whatever they wanted.
[01:25] Gin
    And now, we've even ended
    up at war with them.
[01:28] Gin
    Unless we weed out the root cause,
[01:30] Gin
    the Kabuki District will never have peace.
[01:34] Gin
    In other words,
[01:35] Gin
    we must get rid of the
    alien species in the pond!
[01:38] Shin
    I don't get it at all!
[01:40] Shin
    You're just riding on the
    coattails of a hit show!
[01:41] Kag
    Oh, we drained most of
    the water while arguing.
[01:42] Shin
    Isn't that right? Fess up!
[01:44] Gin
    Where are those damn alien species?
[01:46] Kag
    Gin-chan, look!
[01:52] Gin
    Could they be...
[01:54] Gin
    In the first half,
[01:56] Gin
    they were among the characters rushing
    to the Kabuki District's aid!
[02:18] Gin
    Let's begin the second half, shall we?
[02:21] Gin
    Take care of the narration, Pachi-boy.
SIGN    Silver Soul
SIGN    The Story So Far
[02:28] Shin
    The land of the samurai.
[02:30] Shin
    There was a time, long ago, when our
    country was called by that name.
[02:35] Shin
    The Altana Liberation Army was formed
    to end the Tendoshu's galactic rule.
[02:40] Shin
    They invaded Earth with their
    mothership, the Heavenly Bird.
[02:45] Shin
    Despite the overwhelming
    difference in strength,
[02:47] Shin
    we rose up to defend Edo and Earth.
[02:52] Shin
    The Oniwaban,
[02:54] Shin
    the Shinsengumi,
[02:55] Shin
    and countless people who
    love the Kabuki District
[02:57] Shin
    threw themselves headlong
    into a reckless battle.
[03:01] Shin
    In space, Katsura-san, Sakamoto-san,
[03:04] Shin
    and Shogun Tokugawa Nobunobu
    entered negotiations
[03:07] Shin
    and won over Admiral Shijaku,
    one of the Liberation Army's top brass.
[03:12] Shin
    However, things didn't go
    so smoothly after that.
[03:17] Shin
    Dangers assailed us one after another,
[03:19] Shin
    and we sacrificed many things.
[03:22] Shin
    That's when Gengai-san's invention,
    the nanomachine virus,
[03:27] Shin
    rendered useless the weapons
    of the Liberation Army,
[03:29] Shin
    who brought the three great warrior races:
[03:31] Shin
    the Dakini,
[03:32] Shin
    the Shinra,
[03:33] Shin
    and the Yato with them to
    attack the Kabuki District.
[03:37] Shin
    During that desperate back-and-forth battle,
[03:39] Shin
    several people jumped in to help,
[03:42] Shin
    and we somehow managed to force the
    Liberation Army into a temporary retreat.
[03:48] Shin
    But our joy was short-lived.
[03:49] Shin
    Gengai-san was abducted by Yato,
[03:52] Shin
    and over in space, a weapon that could
    obliterate a planet in one shot,
[03:55] Shin
    the Flame of Kagutsuchi, was activated.
[03:57] Shin
    The countdown to Earth's
    destruction had begun.
[04:00] Shin
    Katsura-san's party found
    themselves in grave peril.
[04:02] Shin
    That's when he showed up.
[04:07] Tak
    A weapon of destruction that'll erase Earth?
[04:11] Tak
    Sorry, but it won't get a chance to shine.
[04:17] Tak
    The one to destroy this world
[04:22] Tak
    will be me.
[04:23] G
    Wh-Who is that man?
[04:30] PA
    Intruders in Sector 17!
[04:31] PA
    Head there and provide backup
    at once! I repeat...
[04:36] G
    Prince!
[04:37] G
    Sector 17
[04:38] G
    and Sector 22 have been
    breached by assault ships!
[04:50] G
    D-Don't move!
[04:52] G
    You don't have to be so afraid.
[04:54] G
    Relax.
[04:56] G
    I'm not on the side of anyone here.
[04:59] G
    I won't ally with anyone, either.
[05:03] G
    I'm just...
[05:06] G
    an enemy to the entire universe!
[05:08] G
    Fire!
[05:16] Tak
    Kiheitai!
[05:18] Tak
    Charge!
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Silver Soul
[06:55] (Flashback) Mat
    Could you take me with you?
[06:59] (Flashback) Mat
    I know who you are.
[07:03] (Flashback) Mat
    I know your goals, too.
[07:06] (Flashback) Mat
    I'm the same.
[07:08] (Flashback) Mat
    I've lost everything to war.
[07:11] (Flashback) Mat
    My father, who fought to
    ensure the country's future,
[07:13] (Flashback) Mat
    was arrested and killed
    by that very same country.
[07:16] (Flashback) Mat
    And my mother died as the wife of a sinner.
[07:21] (Flashback) Mat
    As the last one left alive,
[07:24] (Flashback) Mat
    all I can do is avenge my family
    using the gun my father left behind!
[07:30] (Flashback) Mat
    Let me join your quest to
    exact revenge on this country!
[07:34] (Flashback) Mat
    Let me avenge my family!
[07:36] (Flashback) Tak
    In that case,
[07:38] (Flashback) Tak
    shoot yourself in the head with that gun.
[07:43] (Flashback) Tak
    That's the kind of thing I'm trying to do.
[07:49] (Flashback) Tak
    That's what it means to destroy a country.
[07:52] (Flashback) Tak
    It's not too late for you.
[07:54] (Flashback) Tak
    Try and live a smart life.
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
SIGN    The Evildoers Who Do Good
[08:18] (Flashback) G
    Another Joi Rebel hunt?
[08:20] (Flashback) G
    They're rounding up anyone they don't like.
[08:23] (Flashback) G
    What has the world come to?
[08:27] (Flashback) Ban
    It's a pitiful story.
[08:30] (Flashback) Ban
    I hear countless innocent people
    like her are being imprisoned.
[08:34] (Flashback) Ban
    What are they doing, when they
    have other evildoers to round up?
[08:38] (Flashback) Ban
    Like, for example,
[08:40] (Flashback) Ban
    Takasugi Shinsuke.
[08:43] (Flashback) Ban
    He's one of the Joi Elite Four,
    and he's hiding in this area, it seems.
[08:48] (Flashback) Ban
    That girl was targeted because
    she was seen with him.
[08:53] (Flashback) Tak
    That so?
[08:54] (Flashback) Tak
    From what I've heard, there's another
    big fish swimming these waters.
[09:00] (Flashback) Tak
    I think his name was...
[09:01] (Flashback) Tak
    Kawakami Bansai the Manslayer.
[09:06] (Flashback) Ban
    Never heard of him.
[09:08] (Flashback) Ban
    Either way, that girl was doomed the moment
    she approached one of those villains.
[09:14] (Flashback) Ban
    I shall perform a requiem for her
    so that she may rest in peace.
[09:32] (Flashback) G
    Hey, you!
[09:33] (Flashback) G
    What do you think you're doing?
[09:35] (Flashback) G
    Why do you have a sword?
[09:37] (Flashback) G
    You must be a Joi Rebel!
[09:39] (Flashback) Ban
    Quiet. You're ruining my performance.
[09:41] (Flashback) G
    Say what?
[09:43] (Flashback) G
    You'd better fix your attitude!
[09:46] (Flashback) G
    H-Hey!
[10:08] (Flashback) Ban
    It seems we were set up.
[10:12] (Flashback) Ban
    That girl was bait laid to capture you,
[10:16] (Flashback) Ban
    Takasugi Shinsuke.
[10:18] (Flashback) Tak
    I don't recall falling for their trap.
[10:23] (Flashback) Tak
    You were the one who spurred me on.
[10:26] (Flashback) Ban
    Forgive me. I just wanted to see what
    kind of man the living legend was.
[10:30] (Flashback) Tak
    Well? What kind of man was he?
[10:33] (Flashback) Ban
    It seems he was going around talking
    about destroying the world,
[10:38] (Flashback) Ban
    but if he can't leave a single girl
    to die, it's all merely hot air.
[10:42] (Flashback) Ban
    But I don't mind such idiots.
[10:46] (Flashback) Tak
    Me, either.
[10:49] (Flashback) Tak
    A guy who claimed to turn his back on a
    country that had turned its back on samurai
[10:54] (Flashback) Tak
    and was trying to rescue
    the Joi Rebels in captivity
[10:58] (Flashback) Tak
    now finds himself imprisoned
    because of one girl.
[11:01] (Flashback) Tak
    That's a rare degree of stupidity.
[11:05] (Flashback) Tak
    If you're going to be killed
    by the country anyway,
[11:08] (Flashback) Tak
    why not die for me, Manslayer Bansai?
[11:12] (Flashback) Ban
    You're recruiting in a prison?
[11:15] (Flashback) Ban
    Your stupidity knows no bounds.
[11:18] (Flashback) Ban
    Let me ask you: what will you die for?
[11:22] (Flashback) Tak
    I won't die.
[11:24] (Flashback) Tak
    No matter how many corpses I have to
    walk over, until I trample this country,
[11:29] (Flashback) Tak
    I refuse to die.
[11:33] (Flashback) Ban
    Hardly the words of a man
    due to be executed tomorrow.
[11:37] (Flashback) Ban
    But laying down my life for all
    that hot air doesn't sound too bad.
[11:46] (Flashback) Mat
    Release those men.
[11:49] (Flashback) Hen
    Goodness gracious.
[11:51] (Flashback) Hen
    You've had your life saved twice,
    and you come back for more?
[11:54] (Flashback) Hen
    You mustn't throw away
    your young and fresh body.
[12:00] (Flashback) Hen
    Are you trying to make that man accept you?
[12:03] (Flashback) Mat
    That's not it.
[12:05] (Flashback) Mat
    I just don't want to let him die.
[12:09] (Flashback) Mat
    This country needs him.
[12:12] (Flashback) Mat
    That's all this is about, you lolicon!
[12:15] (Flashback) Hen
    I see.
[12:17] (Flashback) Hen
    Then know that there won't be a third
    time, and that I'm not a lolicon.
[12:21] (Flashback) Hen
    As such, I shall stop
    treating you as a child now.
[12:24] (Flashback) Mat
    Don't move!
[12:28] (Flashback) G
    Kawakami Bansai-dono.
[12:30] (Flashback) G
    Takasugi Shinsuke-dono, yes?
[12:33] (Flashback) Ban
    You all!
[12:34] (Flashback) G
    Everything is ready.
[12:40] (Flashback) Hen
    You can have this back.
[12:42] (Flashback) Hen
    What you need to do isn't
    point that dagger at me.
[12:46] (Flashback) Hen
    Get your revenge with your own hands.
[12:53] (Flashback) Ban
    Did you really win over a bakufu official?
[13:00] (Flashback) Tak
    Beats me.
[13:02] (Flashback) Hen
    No. I had no such intentions until now,
[13:06] (Flashback) Hen
    but I just made up my
    mind at this very moment.
[13:09] (Flashback) Hen
    After all, I'm the same as them...
[13:12] (Flashback) Hen
    A feminist.
[13:15] Hen
    How could this be?
[13:19] Hen
    We hated the world,
[13:20] Hen
    cursed it with every breath,
[13:23] Hen
    and came together to destroy it,
[13:28] Hen
    so why does it look like
    we're trying to save it?
[13:34] Mat
    No, Senpai. Nothing's changed.
[13:38] Mat
    I know that the Kiheitai was
    born to destroy the world...
[13:48] (Flashback) Tak
    Let's go.
[13:51] Mat
    And also that it was born
    to save a nobody like me.
[13:56] Mat
    So it doesn't matter
    which way the dice roll!
[14:00] Mat
    Whether we're fighting the
    country or the universe,
[14:04] Mat
    we'll cut down any rotten fiends in our way!
[14:07] Mat
    That's who Takasugi Shinsuke
    and the Kiheitai are!
[14:17] (Flashback) Gin
    "Win and we're the national
    army, lose and we're rebels"?
[14:21] (Flashback) Gin
    Hey, Zura. We're neither rebels nor losers,
[14:25] (Flashback) Gin
    so how long are they gonna keep mocking us?
[14:28] (Flashback) Gin
    If we want to change classes
    to the national army,
[14:30] (Flashback) Gin
    will we need a Zen Book or something?
[14:34] (Flashback) Kat
    Any group that turns against the
    country is called a rebel army.
[14:38] (Flashback) Kat
    Unless we drive off the Amanto, overturn
    the bakufu, and build a new country,
[14:43] (Flashback) Kat
    we'll never be the national army.
[14:45] (Flashback) Gin
    Sounds like a hell of a broken game.
[14:47] (Flashback) Gin
    Changing classes to Baramos
    the Demon Lord sounds easier.
[14:50] (Flashback) Sak
    Don't worry, Gintoki.
[14:52] (Flashback) Sak
    Even without a Zen Book, players can
    become the national army at level 20.
[14:56] (Flashback) Gin
    That's for sage.
[14:57] (Flashback) Tak
    Only idiots who become the country's
    lapdogs get called national armies, right?
[15:03] (Flashback) Tak
    Or wait...
[15:05] (Flashback) Tak
    Did we have anyone honorable enough
    to fight for the country or its people?
[15:10] (Flashback) Gin
    You moron! Half of the Joi War
    was born out of kindness.
[15:14] (Flashback) Gin
    True, it's not the number one motive.
[15:16] (Flashback) Gin
    But after "I wanna be popular"
    and "I wanna let off some steam,"
[15:19] (Flashback) Gin
    "I love my country" is right there.
[15:20] (Flashback) Tak
    The Joi War was born mostly out of junk!
[15:24] (Flashback) Tak
    What does it matter what they call us?
[15:26] (Flashback) Tak
    We know what we're trying to do.
[15:30] (Flashback) Tak
    Isn't that enough?
[15:32] (Flashback) Tak
    Besides, could you guys really
    cut it in a national army?
[15:35] (Flashback) Tak
    Insurgent.
[15:37] (Flashback) Tak
    Traitor.
[15:38] (Flashback) Tak
    Rebel.
[15:40] (Flashback) Tak
    You've all got your perfect titles already.
[15:43] (Flashback) Gin
    You just like it because
    you're an emo edgelord!
[15:46] (Flashback) Gin
    I mean, you seriously called
    your unit "Kiheitai."
[15:49] (Flashback) Gin
    I wouldn't be able to endure it!
[15:50] (Flashback) Tak
    What's wrong with Kiheitai?
[15:52] (Flashback) Gin
    It's so embarrassing, I'd rather
    call myself Berserk Biker Gang!
[15:56] (Flashback) Tak
    You're the only one gone berserk here.
[15:58] (Flashback) Sak
    No! My dck's going wild, too!
[16:01] (Flashback) Gin
    What the hell are you saying?!
[16:04] (Flashback) Kat
    National army, huh?
[16:06] (Flashback) Kat
    Even if the country is overturned one day,
[16:09] (Flashback) Kat
    we probably won't ever be called that.
[16:28] Sak
    Those monsters are here.
[16:31] Sak
    You sure kept us waitin'.
[16:33] Sak
    But I knew you'd come, Takasugi!
[16:37] Kat
    Did you come back so
    I could cut you in half?!
[16:40] Tak
    I don't mind fighting you guys first.
[16:43] Tak
    I'll eventually have to fight
    the entire universe, anyway.
[16:47] Kat
    After trying to take over the nation,
    you're going to go after the universe?!
[16:51] Tak
    Country or universe, there's no difference.
[16:54] Tak
    Either way, he will
    definitely stand in my way.
[16:58] Tak
    Unless I take him out,
[17:01] Tak
    I can take neither country nor universe!
[17:05] Sak
    Ah, I see.
[17:06] Sak
    As long as that idiot's there,
    Earth is in safe hands.
[17:09] Sak
    We can let loose without worry, eh?
[17:13] Tak
    Wrong.
[17:14] Tak
    That nuisance isn't here,
[17:16] Tak
    so we can take whatever we want.
[17:18] Tak
    I'll do anything I can.
[17:21] Tak
    Be it hope, despair, good,
    evil, friends, or enemies...
[17:26] Tak
    Even if I have to use every last one,
[17:30] Tak
    I'll crush that man.
[17:34] Tak
    That is my purpose in life
    right here, right now.
[17:47] Shi
    Reinforcements?
[17:48] Shi
    Hurry, my friends from Earth!
[17:50] Tak
    Get going.
[17:52] Tak
    I'll stop that weapon.
[17:55] Tak
    You two can have the enemy general's head.
[17:58] Kat
    You...
[17:59] Tak
    While you're at it,
[18:01] Tak
    take care of that general, too.
[18:05] Tak
    Hey.
[18:06] Tak
    I'm glad to see you still have
    a head on your shoulders.
[18:11] Tak
    Sorry I carried you to shogun
    at such a dreadful time.
[18:17] Tak
    I betrayed you, and you
    betrayed me, but rest assured.
[18:22] Tak
    These guys won't betray you or turn their
    backs on you. Not you or this country.
[18:29] Tak
    So you should also...
[18:32] Tak
    Go!
[18:52] Nb
    I know...
[18:55] Nb
    Who it was that offered their help when*
    our country faced its greatest peril.
[19:03] Nb
    Who it was that were called
    rebels and traitors,
[19:06] Nb
    but still fought to protect the country.
[19:13] Nb
    You men were still fighting, weren't you?
[19:18] Nb
    Hear me, those abandoned by the country.
[19:21] Nb
    This country will never again betray you.
[19:27] Nb
    Never again will it cast you aside.
[19:32] Nb
    Shogun Tokugawa Nobunobu and the
    country's crest stand here with you.
[19:40] Nb
    I won't let anyone call you traitors anymore.
[19:42] Nb
    You are our country's pride
    and joy, its national—
[19:45] Kat
    Rebel army is fine.
[19:47] Kat
    We're all right with that.
[19:50] Nb
    Is that so?
[19:52] Nb
    Then I shall join you in
    the rebel army myself.
[19:57] Nb
    This country... This whole planet
[20:01] Nb
    is a rebel army that stands
    up to the universe!
[20:08] Y
    Found it.
[20:13] Y
    Several cylinders inside.
[20:16] Y
    Bring it here at once.
[20:20] Y
    It seems you weren't lying when
    you said you had a countermeasure.
[20:25] Gen
    An inventor's job is to
    create contradictions.
[20:29] Gen
    If we're told to build an unbreakable shield,
[20:32] Gen
    we first build the only unstoppable
    spear that can break it
[20:35] Gen
    before comprehending and
    completing the shield.
[20:38] Y
    In other words, you have a way to destroy
    the nanomachine virus protecting Edo?
[20:46] Gen
    I didn't expect it to end up as a spear
    that'd destroy the world, though.
[20:56] Tak
    How do things look?
[20:57] Hen
    Everything's fine,
[21:00] Hen
    or so I would like to say.
    Our reinforcements are delayed.
[21:05] Hen
    We can only distract the
    enemy for so long...
[21:09] Ban
    Worry not, Takechi.
[21:10] Ban
    They won't be needed here.
[21:13] Mat
    More importantly, Senpai,
[21:14] Mat
    how's the Flame of Kagutsuchi analysis going?
[21:16] Hen
    Everything's fine on that end.
[21:19] Hen
    Even if it's a weapon that can erase a
    planet, it's based on old technology.
[21:24] Hen
    There are exploits we can use.
[21:26] Hen
    However...
[21:28] Hen
    Even if we stop the Flame of Kagutsuchi,
[21:32] Hen
    should Earth yield to its threat
    and take down that barrier,
[21:38] Hen
    everything will have been in vain.
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Preview
[23:14] Kag
    Within all the bloodlust on the battlefield,
    I sense one extraordinary presence.
[23:18] Y
    Let me show what a real Yato is like!
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
SIGN    Rabbits Leap Higher
    on Moonlit Nights
SIGN    In space and on Earth,
SIGN    a crucial battle has broken out.
SIGN    Pirates join the fray, too!
SIGN    The rabbits of the night descend upon the battlefield.

E355 - Rabbits Leap Higher on Moonlit Nights

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Watch the Silver Soul arc in a bright
    room and at a safe distance from the TV!!!
[00:05] (Flashback) Mat
    Could you take me with you?
[00:10] (Flashback) Mat
    Let me join your quest to
    exact revenge on this country!
[00:14] (Flashback) Ban
    It's a pitiful story.
[00:17] (Flashback) Ban
    I hear countless innocent people
    like her are being imprisoned.
[00:22] (Flashback) Ban
    What are they doing, when they
    have other evildoers to round up?
[00:26] (Flashback) Mat
    Release those men.
[00:29] (Flashback) Hen
    What you need to do isn't
    point that dagger at me.
[00:34] (Flashback) Hen
    Get your revenge with your own hands.
[00:38] Tak
    Country or universe, there's no difference.
[00:42] Tak
    Either way, he will
    definitely stand in my way.
[00:45] Tak
    Unless I take him out,
[00:47] Tak
    I can take neither country nor universe!
[00:50] Y
    It seems you weren't lying when
    you said you had a countermeasure.
[00:55] Gen
    An inventor's job is to
    create contradictions.
[00:59] Gen
    If we're told to build an unbreakable shield,
[01:02] Gen
    we first build the only unstoppable
    spear that can break it
[01:05] Gen
    before comprehending and
    completing the shield.
[01:09] Hen
    We can only distract the
    enemy for so long...
[01:13] Ban
    Worry not, Takechi.
[01:15] Ban
    They won't be needed here.
[01:17] Mat
    More importantly, Senpai,
[01:18] Mat
    how's the Flame of Kagutsuchi analysis going?
[01:21] Hen
    Everything's fine on that end.
[01:23] Hen
    Even if it's a weapon that can erase a
    planet, it's based on old technology.
[01:28] Hen
    There are exploits we can use.
[01:30] Hen
    However...
[01:32] Hen
    Even if we stop the Flame of Kagutsuchi,
[01:36] Hen
    should Earth yield to its threat
    and take down that barrier,
[01:42] Hen
    everything will have been in vain.
[01:50] Gin
    Give it a rest!
[01:51] Gin
    What are you guys, Kintaro candy?!
[01:53] Gin
    Before I cut down all you similar-looking
    idiots, Earth will be destroyed!
[01:56] Shin
    Damn it! We don't have time
    for this! Gengai-san is...
[01:59] Oki
    Can we really even trust her instincts?
[02:03] Oki
    Hey, you listenin' to me?
[02:04] Kag
    Gin-chan, take care of things here!
[02:06] Gin
    Wait, Kagura!
[02:08] Gin
    Kagura!
[02:10] Kag
    Within all the bloodlust on the battlefield,
[02:11] Kag
    I sense one extraordinary presence...
[02:14] Kag
    I sense Yato!
[02:15] Gin
    That numskull! What does
    she think she can do alone?
[02:18] Shin
    Gin-san, we must hurry and go after her!
[02:20] Hij
    Hey!
[02:21] Hij
    Look!
[02:23] Gin
    What is that?
[02:25] Shin
    Is that the Liberation Army's...
[02:27] Hij
    No way... Run away!
[02:29] Shin
    Run where?!
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Silver Soul
[04:07] G
    I-It's over...
[04:09] G
    HQ has commenced its attack on Earth!
[04:15] Y
    If that were actually the Flame of
    Kagutsuchi, we would be space dust already.
[04:21] Y
    It's more likely that was a ship
    that got too close to Earth
[04:25] Y
    and ended up devoured
    by the nanomachine virus.
[04:28] Y
    So, Gengai,
[04:30] Y
    how are the contents of this box used?
[04:32] Gen
    In that box are nanomachines that are the
    only things capable of destroying the bees.
[04:38] Gen
    But the machines that can launch
    them are unusable right now,
[04:43] Gen
    so we'll need a ton of explosives to do it.
[04:46] Gen
    We'll gradually spread the nanomachines
    using multiple explosions.
[04:50] Gen
    It'll take time,
[04:51] Gen
    but that's the only way.
[04:55] Y
    All that said,
[04:57] Y
    I'm amazed you made up your mind to help us.
[05:00] Gen
    Stopping the bees and getting overrun
    is better than having Earth destroyed.
[05:05] Gen
    At least it gives us a fighting chance.
[05:07] Gen
    On top of that, you guys say
    you'll take that prince's head...
[05:12] Y
    Really? I don't recall guaranteeing
    anything of the sort.
[05:17] Y
    Gengai, I know torturing you is pointless.
[05:22] Y
    That's because you're more
    afraid of defeat than death.
[05:27] Y
    But you people lost.
[05:29] Y
    So it doesn't matter anymore
    if you die, right?
[05:33] Gen
    You're wrong there.
    I really can't stand pain.
[05:39] Gen
    All it would've taken is a kick up my
    backside for me to help you like this.
[05:43] Gen
    But of course, I'm talking about helping
    you gather explosives, not destroy the bees.
[05:49] Gen
    Those things explode easily if
    they're raised to body temperature.
[05:53] Y
    You little...
[06:00] Gen
    Ow! Kagura?!
[06:03] Y
    It seems I played right into your hands.
[06:10] Kag
    Old Man Gengai!
[06:11] Y
    Why is a Yato here?
[06:14] Y
    You can't be on their side, surely?
[06:17] Y
    How amusing.
[06:20] Y
    I didn't expect to find one of my own
    trying to commit suicide with this planet.
[06:25] Kag
    Stop this stupid war already.
[06:28] Kag
    If Earth blows up, you'll all die with it!
[06:35] Kag
    No matter how much you hurt
    yourself to save the Earthlings,
[06:41] Kag
    as a Yato, you no longer have a place here.
[06:44] Kag
    Cast aside by both Earthlings and brethren,
[06:48] Kag
    you will die all alone in space.
[06:56] G
    Huh?
[07:04] G
    Y-You bastard!
[07:16] Kam
    Oh, she has brethren right here.
[07:19] Kam
    "Let's go home to that planet one day."
[07:21] Kam
    It wasn't just one idiot
    who made that promise.
[07:28] Kam
    There's another idiot
[07:31] Kam
    right here.
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
SIGN    Rabbits Leap Higher on Moonlit Nights
[07:45] Kam
    Oh, she has brethren right here.
[07:47] Kam
    "Let's go home to that planet one day."
[07:50] Kam
    It wasn't just one idiot
    who made that promise.
[07:54] Kam
    There's another idiot
[07:57] Kam
    right here.
[07:59] Kag
    Kamui...?
[08:02] Abu
    And the pitiful subordinates who have to
    go along with that idiot are here, too.
[08:11] Abu
    This little bunny is our brethren.
[08:14] Abu
    If you want a fight, the 7th
    Division will gladly take you on.
[08:19] Y
    The Harusame's Yato unit?
[08:22] Y
    What are the remnants of that
    dead pirate fleet doing here?
[08:26] Kam
    Dead?
[08:28] Kam
    Pirates will never die.
[08:31] Kam
    Any time order comes into being,
    it will always be accompanied by chaos.
[08:36] Kam
    Any time a power tries to unify the universe,
[08:39] Kam
    there will always be a
    rebel power to counter it.
[08:43] G
    Attacks from starboard!
[08:45] G
    Prince, this is...
[08:47] Kam
    If you guys try to destroy this planet,
[08:52] Kam
    we will do the opposite.
[08:54] Kam
    Only if we go crazy fighting the entire
    universe to save this puny Earth
[09:02] Kam
    can we call ourselves pirates.
[09:05] Tak
    You sure kept us waiting.
[09:07] Bat
    We had a little disagreement on tactics.
[09:09] Bat
    What kind of idiots would send their
    general to a planet that could vanish?
[09:14] Sh
    That guy's even more hardheaded than me.
[09:16] Sh
    No way to stop him.
[09:18] Sh
    I bet there are worse enemies than
    the Liberation Army waiting on Earth.
[09:23] Tak
    Yeah. The Liberation
    Army's just an appetizer.
[09:26] Sh
    Damn! I really should've gone with him!
[09:30] Bat
    Both situations are equally perilous.
[09:33] Bat
    He gave us such a massive stage to
    shine. What more could we ask for?
[09:37] Sho
    Sure, I've gotten up to my fair
    share of mischief over my life,
[09:40] Sho
    but even I haven't done
    anything this lawless.
[09:45] Sho
    Any villain worth his salt has gotta go
    for world conquest at least once!
[09:51] Kam
    I'll leave things up in space to them.
[09:53] Kam
    Unfortunately, I have more sense than you.
[09:57] Kam
    I know that crushing you
    guys won't change a thing.
[10:01] Kam
    I know the real enemy...
[10:03] Kam
    And I know this won't end
    unless that man is crushed.
[10:06] Kam
    So get up already.
[10:09] Kam
    Are you gonna take this lying down?
[10:12] Kam
    I'll make my stand.
[10:14] Kam
    I'll crush Utsuro, who stole the
    title of strongest from that baldy.
[10:19] Kam
    And I'll also crush my kid sister, who
    dredged up my weakness and ran with the win.
[10:24] Kam
    No matter how many times I fall, I won't
    be defeated as long as I get back up.
[10:28] Kam
    Weren't you the one who taught me that's
    what it means to be the strongest?
[10:33] Kag
    Jeez...
[10:35] Kag
    I thought you would've learned your
    lesson after being beaten to a pulp,
[10:39] Kag
    but it looks like your stupidity is incurable.
[10:45] Kam
    He said the same thing to me.
[10:47] Kam
    But even so,
[10:49] Kam
    he sent me here without argument.
[10:52] Kam
    I wonder why.
[10:54] Kag
    Isn't that obvious?
[10:55] Kag
    Because he knows that I'd never lose to you,
[10:58] Kag
    and that you'd never lose to
    anyone other than me right now.
[11:04] Kag
    An unbeatable big bro and an unbeatable
    kid sister are invincible together.
[11:09] Kag
    That's what he believes.
[11:11] Kam
    I guess I can live up to his expectations...
[11:14] Kam
    If you don't hold me back, that is.
[11:16] Kam
    As long as this planet is fine,
    I can kill you anytime, anyway.
[11:20] Kag
    Right back at you.
[11:22] Y
    Now that we can't use the geezer,
[11:24] Y
    there is only one way for
    us to leave here alive:
[11:29] Y
    by felling this nation before dawn.
[11:32] Y
    It'll be a tad troublesome if we
    have to fight Yato along the way,
[11:35] Y
    but your blood, stagnant
    and corrupted by evil,
[11:39] Y
    is no longer Yato blood.
[11:52] Y
    Let me show you what a real Yato is like!
[11:58] G
    H-He turned young again?!
[12:00] Abu
    Wait, I've heard of this before.
[12:02] Abu
    A legendary mercenary known as the
    elder who, with his qigong mastery,
[12:07] Abu
    can freely asphyxiate or revitalize
    himself to control his lifespan
[12:12] Abu
    and has kept fighting for two
    centuries as a true monster.
[12:22] Kam
    Gramps... You know that Yato
    blood coursing through your veins?
[12:27] Kam
    I don't know how many centuries
    old or vintage it is,
[12:31] Kam
    but coursing through ours
[12:32] Kam
    is the blood of one who spent thousands of
    years watching over that planet and us,
[12:37] Kam
    the blood of our mother.
[12:41] Kam
    Let us show you what a real Yato is like!
[12:54] Abu
    What?
[12:58] Abu
    That guy...
[12:59] Abu
    Can he resize his body at will?
[13:09] Kag
    Oops.
[13:10] Kag
    Sorry.
[13:13] Kam
    Don't worry about it.
[13:14] Kam
    Now we're even!
[13:18] Abu
    What're you moronic siblings doing?
[13:25] Kag
    Why, you little!
[13:27] Kag
    Who goes that far when I
    said it wasn't on purpose?!
[13:31] Kam
    I warned you not to hold me back, didn't I?
[13:34] Kam
    Even a guaranteed win isn't
    guaranteed with you around.
[13:36] Kam
    Either piss off or die. Make your choice.
[13:38] Kag
    You don't get to mouth off at me when
    you couldn't dodge that simple kick.
[13:41] Kag
    You die!
[13:42] Abu
    This is no time to be
    fighting among yourselves!
[13:48] Y
    I see having a bloodline too old
    brings its own set of problems.
[13:52] Y
    Yours is obviously all moldy.
[13:55] Kam
    Right, I totally forgot.
[13:58] Kam
    You inherited that baldy's blood, too.
[14:01] Kam
    No wonder you're holding me back.
[14:02] Kag
    You're definitely going
    bald in the future, too!
[14:05] Kag
    Make sure you have a wig ready!
[14:07] Y
    Pointless.
[14:09] Y
    Such disjointed attacks...
[14:11] Abu
    Where are you two even aiming?!
[14:14] Abu
    Don't enjoy a fun sibling spat
    with the enemy in the middle!
[14:20] Kam
    Looks like you can't see the enemy too well.
[14:23] Kag
    Right back at you!
[14:25] Kam
    If you keep relying on your eyes,
[14:28] Kam
    you can't grasp all of the enemy.
[14:31] Kam
    That is why we Yato use our
    blood to gaze upon our enemies.
[14:34] Kam
    The memories of battle that've
    accumulated in our blood for ages
[14:39] Kam
    and our own personal experiences
[14:40] Kam
    come together to give us Yato an almost
    instinctive eye to size our enemies up with.
[14:46] Kam
    As someone who's always fought her enemies
    and herself, you should be able to see...
[14:51] Kam
    More things than you could ever see before.
[14:55] Kam
    Right now, you're fully capable of taming it.
[14:59] Kam
    Don't fear your blood.
[15:01] Kam
    Have some faith in our family's blood.
[15:05] Kag
    Use not my eyes, but my blood.
[15:09] Kam
    See anything?
[15:11] Kag
    Nothing yet.
[15:13] Kam
    Figures.
[15:15] Kam
    I see it very well.
[15:17] Kag
    See what?
[15:17] Kam
    The enemy's face.
[15:19] Kam
    You got one more hit in.
[15:21] Kam
    This makes us even.
[15:23] Kag
    You punk!
[15:27] Y
    One who lets others distract them
    from the enemy can never prevail!
[15:32] Kag
    No way, did he...
[15:39] Y
    You're playing the decoy?
[15:42] Y
    I can see right through you!
[15:47] Kag
    I see now! The first hit was an accident!
[15:50] Kag
    It doesn't count!
[15:52] Kag
    So now...
[15:54] Kag
    We're even!
[15:56] Abu
    You're still at it?!
[15:59] Kag
    Oh, no! My leg slipped!
[16:01] Kag
    Dodge it, Big Bro!
[16:03] Y
    Just how much will you insult me...
[16:04] Kam
    Oh?
[16:06] Kam
    An accidental hit doesn't count?
[16:09] Kam
    Hup.
[16:13] Kam
    Oh, sorry. I didn't notice you above me.
[16:16] Y
    I-I can't read their movements at all...
[16:18] Kag
    You're the big bro! Be the bigger man!
[16:20] Kag
    Let your kid sister get the last hit in!
[16:24] Y
    They're hitting me right on the bull's-eye
    while fighting among themselves!
[16:27] Kam
    Why can't you be modest
    and let your brother win?
[16:31] Y
    No, this spat is a fake-out.
[16:34] Y
    Are they waiting for me to focus
    on defending my bull's-eye?
[16:37] Y
    Are they telling me to choose
    between my life and my balls?
[16:42] Y
    I'll let you have both!
[16:45] Y
    I'll defend my entire body by focusing
    all my defense on my bull's-eye!
[16:48] Y
    I have no blind spots now!
[16:55] Kam
    No more going around in circles.
[16:57] Kag
    We should just go at each other directly.
[16:59] Kam
    But before that...
[17:02] Kam
    If you can harden and soften at will...
[17:03] Kag
    ...we'll just take both
    your hard and soft spots...
[17:06] Bo
    ...and trample them all!
[17:17] Y
    What your eyes gaze upon
[17:21] Y
    is neither the enemy in front of
    you nor the sibling by your side,
[17:26] Y
    but what lies beyond?
[17:28] Y
    The faraway concept of strength?
[17:32] Y
    Rejoice, my brethren!
[17:35] Y
    The noble blood of us Yato hasn't died yet...
[17:40] G
    Elder!
[17:41] G
    The legend of the battlefield
    was killed by those brats?!
[17:45] Kag
    What're you looking at to confirm his death?
[17:47] Kam
    Rest assured.
[17:49] Kam
    The geezer just acted
    his age and withered up.
[17:51] Kag
    Quit with that metaphor.
[17:53] Kam
    Grab your dead tree and get lost already.
[17:55] G
    Curse you!
[17:57] Kam
    Those who cling to a legend,
[17:59] Kam
    and those who try to create their own legend.
[18:03] Kam
    We are two different races, and
    you'll find that out very quickly.
[18:07] Abu
    All right! Hear that, you louts?
[18:10] Abu
    Looks like our commander has
    gained some sympathy for us.
[18:13] G
    The commander is the one who needs sympathy!
[18:16] G
    Did you catch a cold on some planet, boss?
[18:19] Kam
    Nothing has changed.
[18:21] Kam
    I still want nothing to do with weaklings.
[18:24] Kam
    I just want to get around to
    fighting my real target already.
[18:27] Kag
    I don't mind. I'll just have
    one more scrub to beat up.
[18:31] Kam
    Who said you were my real target?
[18:33] Kam
    You're one of the scrubs, too!
[18:38] Gin
    Hey. I'm glad to see you two have made up.
[18:42] Gin
    That said, if you wanna settle
    scores, aren't I first in line, kid?
[18:47] Oki
    Nah. I remember him trying
    to seduce me as well.
[18:51] Oki
    I'm not letting anyone else
    have him. Not even you, boss.
[18:55] Kag
    Gin-chan! You guys!
[18:58] Kag
    After going around setting up rematch
    flags with anyone and everyone,
[19:02] Kag
    I hope you're not expecting to have a
    happy ending with your main target alone.
[19:05] Oki
    The only ending you deserve
[19:08] Oki
    is a bad ending where you get skewered
    by heroines from all directions, Manaka.
[19:13] Hij
    There's something I'd never
    hear in Manaka's voice.
[19:16] Kam
    I only went at it with you
    guys once. Talk about clingy.
[19:20] Kam
    You seemed easy, but I guess
    you were surprisingly pure.
[19:23] Kag
    Quit being misleading!
[19:26] Kam
    No need to worry.
[19:28] Kam
    Unlike your average harem rom-com protags,
[19:31] Kam
    I'm not shallow enough to plant my
    seeds and not take responsibility.
[19:36] Kam
    I'll make sure to kill every last heroine!
[19:40] Kam
    So for now, I'll endure it!
[19:44] Kam
    I won't let any of you die until I kill you!
[19:54] Abu
    "Don't let anyone die," huh?
[19:56] Abu
    I never thought I'd see the day
    when I received such an order.
[20:00] Abu
    Hey, retreat now and let your allies know.
[20:04] Abu
    The universe's craziest big bro and the
    universe's stupidest big bro have teamed up.
[20:09] Abu
    Nobody can stop those siblings anymore.
[20:13] Abu
    If you don't want to die with
    Earth, pray to the heavens.
[20:17] Abu
    We'll handle the rest.
[20:20] Abu
    Also, beware of colds.
[20:23] Abu
    If you catch his, you'll have trouble.
[20:26] G
    Retreat! Let's regroup!
[20:28] G
    But...
[20:29] G
    Just do it—
[20:34] G
    H-Hey!
[20:41] Shin
    Is that... Naraku?
[20:43] Shin
    Wh-Why are they here?
[20:55] Gin
    Utsuro!
[20:56] Uts
    Thanks to you all, I've managed
    to make this war a real messy one.
[21:08] Uts
    I thank you for your foolishness.
[21:13] Uts
    Now...
[21:14] Uts
    An ending ought to be beautiful and tranquil.
[21:19] Uts
    The planet's ending
[21:22] Uts
    has no place for you all.
[21:26] G
    O-Oh, God...
[21:30] Uts
    Didn't you find it strange?
[21:33] Uts
    I've destroyed the ley lines and
    Altana gates of so many planets,
[21:36] Uts
    so why wasn't I doing the same to Earth?
[21:40] Uts
    Was I showing mercy to my homeland?
[21:43] Uts
    Was it just out of a whim?
[21:52] Uts
    No.
[21:54] Uts
    I saved it for a special moment...
[21:56] Uts
    For you all.
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Preview
[23:39] Hen
    I'm prepared to stop the enemy even if
    this unit turns to ash in the process.
[23:45] Hen
    I'll fight alongside you all
    until the very end, too.
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
[23:48] Mat
    Shinsuke-sama...
SIGN    Making a Dull World Interesting
SIGN    In space, it's the Flame of Kagutsuchi.
SIGN    On Earth, it's the Altana going berserk.
SIGN    Everywhere you look, it's a desperate situation.
SIGN    What tune does the Kiheitai's Kawakami Bansai play at this time?

E356 - Making a Dull World Interesting

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Watch the Silver Soul arc in a bright
    room and at a safe distance from the TV!!!
[00:12] U
    Didn't you find it strange?
[00:15] U
    I've destroyed the ley lines and
    Altana gates of so many planets,
[00:19] U
    so why wasn't I doing the same to Earth?
[00:23] U
    Was I showing mercy to my homeland?
[00:26] U
    Was it just out of a whim?
[00:34] U
    No.
[00:36] U
    I saved it for a special moment...
[00:39] U
    For you all.
[00:43] G
    Chief!
[00:54] G
    Detecting a high-energy
    reading on Earth's surface!
[00:56] G
    What's going on?!
[00:58] G
    This is almost like...
[00:59] G
    A repeat of that time!
[01:01] En
    Altana gone berserk?
[01:04] G
    Only the Tendoshu could
    cause something like this!
[01:08] En
    They're wrong.
[01:10] En
    The Tendoshu are long gone already.
[01:13] En
    Then who could it be?
[01:17] En
    What if they're the same?
[01:20] En
    What if the destruction
    of our homeland and Earth
[01:25] En
    were caused by the same person,
    who's still down there?
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Silver Soul
[03:07] U
    Perhaps they, too, have noticed by now...
[03:13] U
    Who their real enemy is.
[03:19] U
    The long, long night will end soon.
[03:22] U
    There is no need to feel sorrow.
[03:25] U
    Nor is there a need to suffer.
[03:36] U
    Because nothing will remain
    to prove that you ever lived.
[03:44] Gin
    But I'm gonna leave a mark, Utsuro.
[03:47] Gin
    I'm gonna cling to this life so
    hard, I'll leave bite marks!
[03:56] Soy
    Katakuriko, will everyone...
    will all of Edo's people be all right?
[04:02] Mat
    Take the princess to a safe place.
[04:04] Soy
    Katakuriko!
[04:06] Nob
    Where, exactly, is this
    "safe place" you speak of?
[04:08] Nob
    Why not tell her the truth?
[04:11] Nob
    Tell her that even the ground we stand
    on right now could blow up at any time.
[04:17] Nob
    I can understand wanting
    everyone else to be safe,
[04:21] Nob
    but being too greedy will only
    bring you pain in the long run.
[04:26] Mat
    Hmph! Did you have to be so blunt?
[04:30] Mat
    The guys up there are fighting
    with all they've got.
[04:34] Mat
    What is it that we can do right now?
[04:39] (Flashback) Kag
    Sadaharu.
[04:42] (Flashback) Kag
    Take care of Nobutas and Soyo-chan, okay?
[04:46] (Flashback) Kag
    No!
[04:47] (Flashback) Kag
    There has to be something only you can do.
[04:52] (Flashback) Kag
    Doesn't matter what it is.
[04:54] (Flashback) Kag
    We all have to do what only
    we can, the best we can.
[04:58] (Flashback) Kag
    When those things add up,
[05:01] (Flashback) Kag
    we can save anything, even Earth.
[05:05] (Flashback) Kag
    Isn't that right, Sadaharu?
[05:13] Mat
    The Altana went out of control?
[05:15] Mat
    What's that mean, Senpai?
[05:18] Hen
    They're trying to fire that massive amount
    of energy at the Flame of Kagutsuchi.
[05:24] Hen
    If they do,
[05:26] Hen
    even this galaxy could be in danger.
[05:30] Mat
    On top of stopping the Flame of Kagutsuchi...
[05:33] Ban
    ...we must also stop the
    Altana from rampaging?
[05:41] G
    What?
SIGN    Unauthorized Call
[05:58] G
    Yo! You still alive, Kiheitai guys?!
[06:04] G
    Sorry to keep ya waiting.
[06:06] G
    Now all the villains are in one place.
[06:11] G
    Ain't that right, Liberation Army of Justice?
[06:17] Bat
    Shokaku.
[06:18] Bat
    Do your job before you run
    off to go play pirate.
[06:22] Sho
    For a pirate, you sure
    do take work seriously!
[06:27] Sho
    I'm sorry to say I can't
    stand that other guy.
[06:30] Sho
    I'll leave him to you.
[06:35] Bat
    I'm not your leader, you idiots.
[06:38] Bat
    I'm not babysitting a monkey,
[06:40] Bat
    much less escorting a freak
    who doesn't even have a body.
[06:44] Bat
    Hear that, Hankai?
[06:46] Han
    Bato... It was Earthlings
    who took my body from me.
[06:52] Han
    And you ask me to help them?
    Help my mortal enemies?
[06:58] Hen
    Precisely.
[07:00] Hen
    You're capable of infiltrating
    the ship's system
[07:02] Hen
    and controlling the Flame of
    Kagutsuchi from the inside.
[07:07] Han
    I've seen several signs of
    attempted break-ins already.
[07:11] Han
    But they've all been repelled
    by the security system.
[07:16] Han
    I suppose that's as far
    as Earthlings can go.
[07:19] Hen
    Well, yes, given this is the thirteenth
    time I'm giving you this speech.
[07:26] Hen
    Thanks to the twelve copies of you
    that my friends have released,
[07:31] Hen
    the firewall is gradually
    starting to come undone.
[07:35] Hen
    Your mortal enemy is that very ship.
[07:39] Hen
    Twelve of you have fallen on
    this quest. Avenge their deaths.
[07:46] G
    All of Earth's energy is
    gathering in one place.
[07:50] G
    P-Prince...
[07:52] En
    Cut off energy supply to everything
    but the vital systems.
[07:57] En
    Reroute it all to the Flame of
    Kagutsuchi's charging process
[08:01] En
    and accelerate its firing.
[08:02] G
    B-But, Prince, many of our men are still
    engaging the enemy all over the place!
[08:14] Bat
    Hey, how many more copies will
    we need to destroy that weapon?
[08:20] Hen
    No amount is enough.
[08:22] Hen
    The security system has countless
    firewalls layered upon each other.
[08:27] Hen
    But no matter how many
    walls stand in our way,
[08:31] Hen
    they can surely overcome them all.
[08:36] Sho
    I've got the headbutts to
    take out any enemy I can see.
[08:41] Bat
    So my job is to escort after all?
[08:44] Bat
    That said,
[08:45] Bat
    piloting us all to hell
    doesn't sound too bad.
[08:49] Hen
    Shokaku-san, Bato-san.
[08:52] Hen
    When it comes down to it,
    you're both hard workers, huh?
[09:04] Bat
    I can't see a thing.
[09:09] Sho
    Bato.
[09:10] Sho
    Hey, what's wrong?
[09:12] Sho
    Bato?
SIGN    Call One Call Two
[09:17] Hen
    Shokaku-san!
[09:18] Hen
    Bato-san!
[09:21] Hen
    Don't tell me...
[09:22] En
    Destroy all sectors with
    enemies inside at once.
[09:26] Hen
    Run away!
[09:38] G
    Wh-What have they done?
[09:43] Hen
    Hankai-dono.
[09:48] Hen
    How long until the Flame of
    Kagutsuchi is fired now?
[09:53] Han
    Around fifteen minutes, I'd say.
[09:56] Hen
    Is there a way to stall it?
[09:59] Han
    Link up with those outside and have
    them destroy the energy circuits.
[10:03] Han
    But even that will only
    provide a brief respite.
[10:08] G
    T-Takechi-sama!
[10:09] G
    The Liberation Army's entire
    fleet is headed this way!
[10:16] En
    Fifteen minutes will do. Keep the
    enemy pinned down for that long,
[10:21] En
    and it'll be over. All of it.
[10:27] Tak
    Takechi, do you hear me?
[10:30] Tak
    We've been separated from the unit.
[10:32] Tak
    Regrouping will be difficult.
[10:34] Tak
    So we're going to go ahead
    and charge onto the bridge.
[10:37] Hen
    Shinsuke-dono.
[10:39] Hen
    Only fifteen minutes remain before
    the Flame of Kagutsuchi fires.
[10:44] Hen
    However, I'll extend that to thirty.
[10:49] Hen
    In that time, destroy the energy circuits.
[10:53] Hen
    Can you get me a small ship?
[10:56] Mat
    What are you thinking, Takechi-senpai?
[11:00] Mat
    Senpai!
[11:06] (Flashback) Tak
    Why won't you draw your sword?
[11:09] (Flashback) Hen
    Because I know...
[11:11] (Flashback) Hen
    That we could turn the world on
    its head, but we could never
[11:17] (Flashback) Hen
    defeat you, Takasugi Shinsuke.
[11:21] (Flashback) Tak
    It seems you're smarter than these
    bodies on the ground, at least.
[11:26] (Flashback) Tak
    But then, why did you come here?
[11:28] (Flashback) Hen
    They have misused their authority and
    oppressed anyone they didn't like.
[11:35] (Flashback) Hen
    They were criminals who had to be
    brought to justice. That's why.
[11:39] (Flashback) Hen
    If you don't like how I used
    you, go ahead and kill me.
[11:44] (Flashback) Hen
    I've gone and learned that this
    world is hopelessly boring.
[11:54] (Flashback) Tak
    If this act of yours was based on your
    judgment of my character, I'm impressed.
[12:00] (Flashback) Tak
    I almost want you as a strategist.
[12:03] (Flashback) Hen
    P-Please wait!
[12:05] (Flashback) Tak
    You're not wise or anything.
[12:08] (Flashback) Tak
    Just quick to give up.
[12:10] (Flashback) Tak
    If you keep running around
    pretending to be smart,
[12:13] (Flashback) Tak
    you're running away from the unexpected.
[12:16] (Flashback) Hen
    You mean to say this country can
    be defeated if I keep fighting?
[12:22] (Flashback) Tak
    Beats me. But in order to
    live in this dull-ass world,
[12:26] (Flashback) Tak
    you've got to believe in a miracle or two.
[12:36] Hen
    I trust you're aware of our objective.
[12:39] Hen
    Just fifteen minutes.
[12:41] Hen
    That might not be just reward
    for a do-or-die mission.
[12:46] Hen
    But within those fifteen minutes
    lies a chance to cause a miracle.
[12:51] Hen
    Please, give me the last
    fifteen minutes of your lives!
[13:12] (Flashback) Tak
    If you're going to be killed
    by the country anyway,
[13:15] (Flashback) Tak
    why not die for me, Manslayer Bansai?
[13:20] (Flashback) Ban
    Let me ask you: what will you die for?
[13:25] (Flashback) Tak
    I won't die.
[13:27] (Flashback) Tak
    No matter how many corpses I have to
    walk over, until I trample this country,
[13:32] (Flashback) Tak
    I refuse to die.
[13:49] Tak
    That must be the Flame of
    Kagutsuchi's central command.
[13:53] Ban
    Run!
[13:55] Ban
    No matter how many corpses
    you have to walk over,
[13:58] Ban
    you won't die until you fulfill your goal.
[14:00] Ban
    You're the one who said that.
[14:05] Ban
    Run, Shinsuke.
[14:09] Mat
    What are you saying, Senpai?!
[14:14] Ban
    Worry not.
[14:17] Ban
    I'll fight alongside you all
    until the very end, too.
[14:21] G
    Fire!
[14:25] G
    What's the matter?
[14:29] Ban
    Dance for me.
[14:34] G
    K-Kill them!
[14:47] Ban
    Heroes are such sinful beings.
[14:52] Ban
    They never look back
[14:54] Ban
    and charge straight forward.
[14:58] Ban
    That is why people can chase after
    their backs and move forward.
[15:05] Ban
    But I understand
[15:09] Ban
    that you knew the pain and sorrow of
    walking over a corpse more than anyone,
[15:16] Ban
    but you still had to grit your
    teeth and keep moving forward.
[15:21] Ban
    I understand that you're just one weak man.
[15:27] Ban
    But even so...
[15:35] Ban
    Don't look back!
[15:37] Ban
    Don't look back...
[15:39] Ban
    Keep your eyes forward, Shinsuke!
[15:44] G
    Fire!
[16:02] Ban
    Shinsuke, it isn't yet time
    for you to look back.
[16:07] Ban
    This world can't afford
    to lose you just yet.
[16:14] Mat
    Bansai-senpai!
[16:24] Ban
    Get going, Shinsuke.
[16:25] Ban
    I promise to catch up later.
[16:28] Tak
    Bansai...
[16:29] Ban
    Worry not.
[16:31] Ban
    Isn't this how we have always been?
[16:34] Ban
    The Kiheitai is a group that's
    constantly chasing after your back!
[16:43] Ban
    No matter where you are,
[16:46] Ban
    I will catch up for sure.
[16:50] G
    The Flame of Kagutsuchi's energy
    is over 85 percent charged!
[16:54] G
    Five minutes to fire!
[16:57] En
    They're finally ending, huh?
[16:59] En
    Both our crusade
[17:01] En
    and that planet?
[17:06] G
    Detecting irregularity in
    the energy supply system!
[17:09] G
    It's not responding!
[17:11] G
    Did we route too much energy through it?
[17:13] G
    No, this is...
[17:16] Han
    The stage is set.
[17:18] Han
    But you might have a hard time getting here.
[17:22] Hen
    I'm perfectly aware.
[17:24] Hen
    Even if this ship burns to ash, I'm prepared
    to use that flame to stop the enemy.
[17:31] En
    Ah, I see. One last exercise in futility, eh?
[17:43] G
    No way...
[18:38] Ban
    Took you long enough.
SIGN    Clear Nose
[18:46] Ban
    Or perhaps I was the one who made you wait.
[18:51] Ban
    We walked over your corpses to get here.
[18:58] Ban
    So if you're here to pick me up,
    I can't exactly shoo you away.
[19:10] Ni
    I didn't come to pick you up,
    nor was I waiting for you.
[19:15] Ni
    We chase after that man
    until our bodies burn out.
[19:20] Ni
    Isn't that who we Kiheitai are?
[19:29] G
    H-He's still trying to stand?
[19:31] G
    What more can he do all alone?
[19:36] Ban
    I'm not alone.
[19:38] Ban
    Shinsuke, the Kiheitai
    live on alongside you.
[19:43] G
    Fire!
[19:59] G
    Two minutes until the Flame
    of Kagutsuchi can be fired!
[20:09] G
    We're through!
[20:12] G
    Now we just have to destroy that equipment!
[20:23] Hen
    It seems the ship couldn't handle it.
[20:28] G
    We still have ammunition.
[20:30] G
    One last shot!
[20:44] G
    Cease fire!
[20:53] G
    He's still standing after
    all that concentrated fire?
[20:56] G
    No, that man is already...
[21:09] G
    Why did he do this?
[21:18] Ban
    Shinsuke...
[21:24] Hen
    Make a miracle happen.
[21:28] G
    One minute until Flame of Kagutsuchi fires!
[21:39] Mat
    Shinsuke-sama...
[21:50] G
    What happened?
[21:51] G
    The squad engaging the
    enemy has been wiped out!
[21:54] G
    Put out the fire at once!
    Fortify Gate Three's defenses!
[21:58] G
    Don't let anyone near the control unit!
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
SIGN    Making a Dull World Interesting
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
[23:50] Tak
    No need to let them know.
SIGN    Do Something Uncharacteristic,
    and Something Uncharacteristic Will Happen
SIGN    Cruelty reigns on the battlefield,
SIGN    with one tragedy after another.
SIGN    Wring out every last ounce of energy
SIGN    to put an end to it all!

E357 - Do Something Uncharacteristic, and Something Uncharacteristic Will Happen

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Watch the Silver Soul arc in a bright
    room and at a safe distance from the TV!!!
[00:08] (Flashback) Wen
    But what's wrong with that?
[00:11] (Flashback) Wen
    I want to live with that pain,
[00:16] (Flashback) Wen
    because it's proof that he
    still lives on inside me.
[00:23] (Flashback) Wen
    But I've only come to feel this way
    because you and this child are with me.
[00:30] (Flashback) Wen
    So, Ensho,
[00:32] (Flashback) Wen
    don't you die in battle and leave me behind.
[00:36] (Flashback) Wen
    You must live longer than
    me and cry when I die.
[00:46] En
    That was the last time I spoke with her.
[00:51] En
    She said she would continue
    to live with the pain,
[00:58] En
    completely oblivious to what caused
    that pain in the first place...
[01:05] (Flashback) EnB
    Welcome back, Gunpowder Prince.
[01:07] (Flashback) EnB
    Or, well, my admirable little brother.
[01:12] (Flashback) EnB
    You are truly the guardian spirit
    defending Burei's peace!
[01:20] En
    And completely oblivious
    to my feelings for her.
[01:30] (Flashback) EnB
    Don't worry.
[01:32] (Flashback) EnB
    The purpose of this trip is to sign a
    treaty. Nothing dangerous will happen.
[01:37] (Flashback) Wen
    Right...
[01:43] (Flashback) EnB
    Besides, I have the Gunpowder Prince with me.
[01:52] (Flashback) EnB
    What? The offer of a
    treaty was just a trap?!
[01:57] (Flashback) EnB
    Ensho! We're surrounded by the enemy!
[01:59] (Flashback) EnB
    Send backup at once!
[02:02] (Flashback) EnB
    Ensho?
[02:04] (Flashback) EnB
    Ensho!
[02:23] En
    I never had the right to
    resent someone over her...
[02:31] En
    because I was the object of her vengeance.
[02:41] En
    I wasn't heading courageously into battle,
[02:47] En
    but simply running away the entire time.
[02:50] En
    She had the strength to fight her suffering,
[02:53] En
    and my weakness caused me
    to keep running from her.
[02:57] En
    Only when I was on the precipice between
    life and death could I forget that.
[03:03] En
    Only then could I forget the grief of
    being powerless to prevent her loss.
[03:16] En
    And so, even now,
[03:19] En
    I continue to run.
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Silver Soul
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
SIGN    Do Something Uncharacteristic,
    and Something Uncharacteristic Will Happen
[05:04] G
    What happened?
[05:05] G
    The squad engaging the
    enemy has been wiped out!
[05:08] G
    Put out the fire at once!
    Fortify Gate Three's defenses!
[05:12] G
    Don't let anyone near the control unit!
[05:33] G
    The energy supply system has been damaged!
[05:36] G
    Energy circuits all over
    the ship are going down!
[05:40] G
    The flow of energy to the Flame of
    Kagutsuchi has completely stopped!
[05:44] G
    Its emergency system is
    shifting it to hibernation mode!
[05:48] En
    What happened to the enemies trying
    to stop the Flame of Kagutsuchi?
[05:52] G
    Currently, our comms are in disarray, too.
[05:55] G
    We cannot confirm anything!
[05:57] G
    Restarting the Flame of Kagutsuchi
    will likely take fifteen minutes!
[06:02] En
    They threw their lives away
    to keep their hopes alive,
[06:05] En
    but how frail they are.
[06:07] G
    Monitors coming back online.
[06:13] G
    Th-This is...
[06:15] G
    What happened?
[06:21] Sak
    We put all our hopes
[06:23] Sak
    into these things right here.
[06:26] Sak
    Have a taste!
[06:34] G
    Prince!
[06:39] G
    No way...
[06:41] G
    They're still alive?
[06:43] Kat
    We are, and we aren't missing anyone.
[06:47] Kat
    The souls of those who died and
    entrusted us with their hopes
[06:51] Kat
    are also here with us!
[06:53] Kat
    We shall fight together, win together,
[06:56] Kat
    and return together...
[06:58] Kat
    To our home, Earth!
[07:08] Tak
    How many more corpses must
    I walk over to reach my goal?
[07:14] Tak
    What, exactly, will I find when I get there?
[07:18] Tak
    I no longer...
[07:25] Tak
    have anything to call my own.
[07:39] Tak
    So, at the very least, let me shed
[07:44] Tak
    my blood.
[07:47] Tak
    My sword will only break atop
    the mountain of your corpses.
[07:53] Tak
    That, and only that,
    is my final destination.
[08:07] G
    The Heavenly Bird...
[08:10] G
    The Flame of Kagutsuchi's control
    unit has been destroyed!
[08:14] G
    The energy it was charged
    with is going out of control
[08:17] G
    and flowing back out into the ship!
[08:18] G
    It's causing explosions all over the ship!
[08:21] G
    We must take measures at once
[08:23] G
    or this ship will sink!
[08:25] Kat
    So they did it.
[08:27] Sak
    But lookin' at this, they
    musta paid a heavy price.
[08:32] Sak
    Put your weapons down and surrender.
[08:34] Sak
    This bridge is already under our control.
[08:37] Sak
    You have lost.
[08:39] Sak
    Of course, if you wanna keep fightin',
[08:44] Sak
    that's just fine.
[08:46] Sak
    Until this ship sinks, we'll kill
    as many of you as we can.
[08:52] Sak
    Do you get it? I'm no different from you lot.
[08:56] Sak
    We all feel the same way.
[09:02] En
    That's some splendid resolve.
[09:05] En
    I, too, was told that
    I couldn't die just yet.
[09:11] En
    That I had to burn down
    every last one of you.
[09:23] En
    Oh?
[09:27] En
    You had a woman save your life, too, huh?
[09:36] Sak
    Mutsu!
[09:38] G
    You fiend!
[09:57] G
    Take cover!
[10:36] En
    The war is only just beginning.
[10:39] En
    The flame that couldn't be unleashed
[10:41] En
    is still burning strong on this ship.
[10:45] En
    Then all we need to do is crash
    this ship into that planet.
[10:49] Shi
    Ensho!
[10:51] Shi
    You still refuse to stop fighting?
[10:54] Shi
    What do you think will remain once
    you've burned everything down?!
[10:58] En
    That isn't for us to decide.
[11:02] En
    We shall fight for all those we've lost
[11:06] En
    until their souls rest in peace.
[11:09] Shi
    Do you really think that's what your
    dead comrades and your late wife want?!
[11:34] Kat
    Oh, I'd love to see you try!
[11:37] Sak
    That flame...
[11:39] Bo
    ...burns within us, too!
[11:57] Mat
    Shinsuke-sama...
[12:10] En
    You hate me, don't you?
[12:20] En
    I took away your friends
    and the ones you love.
[12:25] En
    Even I hate myself.
[12:27] En
    Having lost everything, my loved
    ones and the objects of my hatred,
[12:34] En
    all I can do is keep burning myself to ash!
[13:22] Kat
    We haven't lost a thing.
[13:28] Kat
    No matter how many times we lose
    them or have them taken from us,
[13:32] Kat
    we will keep loving people and hating them!
[13:38] Mat
    My ride has arrived, huh?
[13:41] Hen
    If that's what I was, I would've
    let go of this aged hand of yours.
[13:48] Hen
    The reason I'm not letting go
[13:51] Hen
    is because I'm neither a ride nor a lolicon,
[13:55] Hen
    just a feminist.
[14:02] G
    Get ready to evacuate!
[14:04] G
    Hurry up!
[14:08] G
    P-Prince?
[14:13] G
    D-Don't let those guys get any closer!
[14:16] G
    If we let them in, we'll
    go down with the ship!
[14:21] Sho
    That so?
[14:23] Sho
    We let ourselves in without knowing.
[14:27] Sho
    Sorry about that.
[14:54] Sho
    The man stood there.
[14:58] Sho
    With just that,
[15:01] Sho
    the enemy's mood,
[15:04] Sho
    the mood of our allies,
[15:08] Sho
    and the mood of the battlefield
    changed completely.
[15:15] Mat
    Senpai? How are you here?
[15:18] Hen
    Trying to cause a miracle
[15:20] Hen
    was uncharacteristic of me, and I guess
    this was a hint never to try it again.
[15:40] (Flashback) Sho
    Yo, Strategist.
[15:42] (Flashback) Sho
    Being the kamikaze squad
    sounds like a fun role.
[15:45] (Flashback) Sho
    Can't let you hog it for yourself.
[15:47] (Flashback) Hen
    Shokaku-san! I'm so glad you're alive!
[15:50] (Flashback) Hen
    Did you do this, then?
[15:52] (Flashback) Sho
    I tapped into your comms, learned your
    plan, and destroyed the equipment first.
[15:58] (Flashback) Sho
    A strategist must stay alive and use his
    brains until the very end in order to win.
[16:04] (Flashback) Hen
    Shokaku-san...
[16:05] (Flashback) Sho
    I made a promise with that guy.
[16:10] (Flashback) Sho
    The survivor would decorate the bones of
    the one who died with the enemy's skulls.
[16:17] (Flashback) Sho
    But I'm an idiot, you know?
[16:20] (Flashback) Sho
    I don't know how to do that.
[16:23] (Flashback) Sho
    I have no idea how to even avenge my friends.
[16:28] (Flashback) Sho
    So please, use me.
[16:32] (Flashback) Sho
    How can we win?
[16:38] (Flashback) Sho
    What now?
[16:39] (Flashback) Han
    The control unit has been destroyed.
[16:42] (Flashback) Han
    But it hasn't stopped completely yet.
[16:45] (Flashback) Han
    In which case...
[16:47] (Flashback) Hen
    The enemy will try to evacuate before
    crashing this ship into Earth!
[16:52] (Flashback) Hen
    Let's gather up all the men we have!
[16:55] (Flashback) Hen
    We will collect our remaining strength in
    one place and throw it all at the enemy.
[17:02] Hen
    Even in the darkest depths of despair,
    he makes you forget all about giving up.
[17:08] Hen
    That's what a hero does.
[17:11] Hen
    Isn't that right, Matako-san?
[17:16] Hen
    Let us all head together
[17:20] Hen
    to where our hero awaits us!
[18:54] En
    Y-You bastards!
[19:31] (Flashback) Sho
    Strategist, we found your general.
[19:36] (Flashback) Hen
    Really?!
[19:37] (Flashback) Sho
    Yeah, but...
[19:47] (Flashback) Sho
    He's already...
[19:53] (Flashback) Tak
    Takechi?
[19:55] (Flashback) Hen
    Shinsuke-dono! Are you hurt?
[19:57] (Flashback) Tak
    You're worrying about me?
    How far I've fallen.
[20:02] (Flashback) Tak
    I'm fine. Just take care of Matako.
[20:08] (Flashback) Tak
    Even if it was just by chance, she was
    the key to the Kiheitai's formation.
[20:13] (Flashback) Tak
    If anything happened to her,
    Bansai would yell my ears off.
[20:17] (Flashback) Hen
    Shinsuke-dono...
[20:18] (Flashback) Tak
    There's no time.
[20:20] (Flashback) Tak
    We're going ahead.
[20:25] (Flashback) Sho
    You...
[20:27] (Flashback) Sho
    No need to let them know.
[20:29] (Flashback) Sho
    They don't need to know.
[20:32] (Flashback) Sho
    I can't fall just yet. I must stay standing.
[20:40] (Flashback) Sho
    I must remain the Takasugi
    Shinsuke they believed in!
[20:56] Sho
    Takasugi!
[20:59] Tak
    Your hero doesn't exist.
[21:06] Tak
    He's merely a dream, a fabrication.
[21:10] Tak
    And yet, will you still stand by me?
[21:28] Tak
    Will you stand beside an ordinary
    man named Takasugi Shinsuke?
[21:33] Mat
    Shinsuke-sama!
[21:38] Mat
    Perhaps I was the one dreaming...
[21:46] Mat
    There's no need for a hero anymore.
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
[23:49] Kat
    Our king certainly was there.
SIGN    Several Kings
SIGN    Ensho falls in the battle with Takasugi...
SIGN    What words does Nobunobu give the soldiers?
SIGN    And it's been a long time coming,
SIGN    but these sisters make their comebacks, too!

E358 - Countless Kings

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Silver Soul
[01:56] Mat
    Shinsuke-sama!
SIGN    Watch the Silver Soul arc in a bright
    room and at a safe distance from the TV!!!!!
[02:03] Nbnb
    That'll be enough.
[02:07] Nbnb
    We didn't come here for a clash of hatred.
[02:13] Nbnb
    So please, men.
[02:17] Nbnb
    Could you hold it in?
[02:23] En
    No need for that.
[02:26] En
    Finish me off.
[02:28] En
    My hatred, and my sorrow with it,
[02:33] En
    will stay with me as long as I'm alive.
[02:38] En
    The object of her vengeance... was me.
[02:45] En
    I kept running away from
    her and to the battlefield,
[02:51] En
    so I must be fated to die here.
[02:55] Tak
    Are you scared of the war ending?
[02:58] Tak
    Once it's over, even a hero will
    go back to being an ordinary man.
[03:05] Tak
    But that's his real battlefield.
[03:11] Tak
    Now that your body is no
    longer capable of running,
[03:14] Tak
    face your suffering and struggle
    for the rest of your life,
[03:19] Tak
    as an ordinary man.
[03:22] En
    You...
[03:25] Tak
    I'm not all that different from you.
[03:28] Tak
    I'm drowning in the countless
    sins I've committed.
[03:33] Tak
    However...
[03:35] Tak
    If the man wrought by my sins...
[03:39] Tak
    If that man over there tells me to stop,
    I have no choice but to stop.
[03:44] Tak
    Takasugi...
[03:48] Sak
    Good grief. Can't defy the
    shogun's orders, can we?
[03:53] Kat
    I don't intend to look up
    at that man as a shogun.
[03:57] Kat
    But...
[03:59] Kat
    If the real shogun were here,
[04:03] Kat
    perhaps I would have.
[04:13] Nbnb
    This is our battlefield no longer.
[04:16] Nbnb
    Burdened with hatred and sorrow you may be,
[04:19] Nbnb
    but you must still live on, my people.
[04:24] En
    The same eyes.
[04:27] En
    I could never match up to people
    with that look in their eyes.
[04:34] En
    The land of the samurai, eh?
[04:36] En
    It is a wonderful country with wonderful
    people and a wonderful king.
[04:42] En
    I shall stop this ship from crashing.
[04:45] En
    Would you help me?
[04:48] G
    Prince.
[04:51] Shi
    You fool.
[04:58] Shi
    With those men,
[05:00] Shi
    you could have walked down
    a path to a different future.
[05:05] Shi
    Why didn't you realize sooner, you fool?
[05:08] En
    Forgive me, Shijaku.
[05:15] Shi
    Ensho!
[05:17] G
    S-Screw that!
[05:19] G
    We kept fighting all this
    time under your orders!
[05:23] G
    If you stop now, what did
    our comrades die for?!
[05:26] Shi
    Why, you!
[05:27] G
    Seize him!
[05:29] Shi
    Ensho! Ensho!
[05:42] Bo
    Nobunobu!
[05:48] Nbnb
    Would you stop?!
[05:53] Nbnb
    Hold it in...
[05:56] Nbnb
    Did you not hear me the first time?
[05:59] Sak
    Nobunobu...
[06:01] Nbnb
    Forgive that man.
[06:04] Nbnb
    He has said nothing wrong.
[06:09] Nbnb
    If you still have ammunition,
[06:11] Nbnb
    shoot me until you're satisfied.
[06:15] Nbnb
    As the ones who started this war,
[06:17] Nbnb
    we are obligated to take those shots.
[06:21] Nbnb
    Fire every last shot you have.
[06:22] Nbnb
    Even so,
[06:24] Nbnb
    my people will suppress their
    hatred and end this war!
[06:37] Sak
    Hurry! Hurry up and treat him!
[06:39] G
    Th-The medics are...
[06:41] G
    They're all treating Mutsu-sama and
    Elizabeth-san on Nobunobu-sama's orders.
[06:45] Sak
    Nobunobu, you...
[06:48] Nbnb
    It's fine. I knew this was coming.
[06:54] Nbnb
    From the moment I killed the
    shogun to take his place.
[07:01] Nbnb
    I don't think I could ever
    fill Shigeshige's shoes,
[07:05] Nbnb
    but if a shogun in name alone
[07:07] Nbnb
    can stop a war by simply
    laying down his life,
[07:11] Nbnb
    what more could you ask for?
[07:13] Sak
    Our war ain't over yet.
[07:17] Sak
    "Once a man bears the burden of leadin'
    a country, he can't expect ta die so easily."
[07:22] Sak
    Did you forget I told you that?
[07:25] Sak
    Are you tryin' to make us foolish
    people who let their king die twice?!
[07:34] Nbnb
    King?
[07:36] Nbnb
    You're willing to call me that?
[07:41] Kat
    You were one of the stupidest
    rulers in history.
[07:45] Kat
    But back then, when you fought
    with us to protect our country,
[07:51] Kat
    our king certainly was there.
[07:55] Nbnb
    Of all the silly things to say.
[07:57] Nbnb
    Don't your hearts have them already?
[08:04] Nbnb
    You were the ones who each fought
    for the kings within your hearts.
[08:15] Nbnb
    Our country no longer needs a shogun.
[08:20] Nbnb
    I think I finally understand
    why he said that.
[08:26] Nbnb
    Even then, even if it was only for a moment,
[08:32] Nbnb
    if I could become your shogun,
[08:36] Nbnb
    then perhaps there was meaning
    to Tokugawa Nobunobu's life.
[08:42] Nbnb
    Thank you.
[08:43] Nbnb
    And...
[08:45] Nbnb
    I'm sorry.
[08:49] Nbnb
    It seems the time has come.
[08:56] Nbnb
    As the last shogun, I must go with them.
[09:03] Nbnb
    A kingless era is coming.
[09:07] Nbnb
    But...
[09:17] Nbnb
    I know all of you will be fine.
[09:22] Nbnb
    I leave the rest to you,
[09:32] Nbnb
    the countless kings inheriting this country.
[09:37] Nbnb
    Let's put an end to this era that
    gave birth to so much sorrow.
[09:46] Nbnb
    And let's begin,
[09:49] Nbnb
    by chopping off the shackles
[09:54] Nbnb
    of the past,
[09:57] Nbnb
    our new era.
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
SIGN    Countless Kings
[10:13] Uts
    The dragon is calming down.
[10:16] Uts
    Someone is quelling the
    surge in the ley lines.
[10:19] Nar
    Only they could be capable of such a feat.
[10:24] Uts
    They're still alive?
[10:30] Uts
    The Priestesses of the Golden
    Dragon and the Dog Deity...
[10:33] Uts
    From the clan who have watched
    over the Gate since ancient times.
[10:50] Uts
    The ones who subdue the dragon's
    rage and quell its surges.
[10:57] Uts
    They are...
[10:59] Mat
    Hello! Ane-chan, the
    cabaret priestess, right?
[11:02] Mat
    Long time no talk!
[11:03] Mat
    Sorry. You went to the trouble of calling me,
[11:05] Mat
    but I can't come to the club tonight.
[11:09] Mat
    The world's about to be destroyed, you see.
[11:11] Mat
    I can't get off work!
    I don't know what to do!
[11:15] Ane
    Oh, it's fine. I just
    wanted to hear your voice.
[11:19] Ane
    Okay, later!
[11:21] Ane
    As if!
[11:21] Ane
    Who'd make cabaret club
    sales calls at this time?!
[11:24] Ane
    Were you listening to a word I said?
[11:25] Mat
    I am listening.
[11:27] Mat
    Basically, you have two jobs: cabaret
    girl and protector of the world.
[11:30] Mat
    You just want me to keep it a
    secret from the club, right?
[11:33] Ane
    Get your head out of the
    cabaret club already!
[11:35] Ane
    Listen up, and listen well.
[11:37] Ane
    We'll go around subduing
    the ley line outbursts.
[11:40] Ane
    You shut down whoever it is that's
    controlling the gate below the terminal!
[11:45] Ane
    That way, things will go back to normal.
[11:48] Mat
    Ane-chan...
[11:49] Ane
    Please.
[11:50] Ane
    All of this is happening to our country
[11:52] Ane
    because our clan couldn't protect the
    gate from the Amanto in the first place.
[12:00] Ane
    We want to take back what we lost back then.
[12:05] Ane
    But I don't know if you still have
    the manpower to pull it off...
[12:09] Mat
    Yeah, we might not have enough.
[12:14] Mat
    But if I'm ordering Dom Perignon
    for everyone at the victory party,
[12:17] Mat
    this will make it easier on my bank account.
[12:24] Kam
    You look like death. What's wrong?
[12:27] Kam
    Looking for something?
[12:29] Kam
    Is it this silver big bro over here,
[12:32] Kam
    or the bloodied big bro over here?
[12:35] Kam
    Just kidding.
[12:36] Kag
    Gin-chan! Kamui!
[12:38] Shin
    Thank goodness! We believed you'd make it!
[12:42] Kag
    Did you do this to Gin-chan?!
[12:45] Kam
    Please don't insult me.
[12:48] Kam
    That monster stole my prey before,
[12:51] Kam
    so I repaid the favor.
[12:55] Shin
    You just tried to kill
    him before Utsuro could!
[12:59] Gin
    I get the feeling I would've been better
    off eating the Altana explosion.
[13:03] Kam
    You would've died if I'd
    gone all-out, y'know.
[13:05] Gin
    I would've died if I
    hadn't gone all-out, too.
[13:07] Kam
    Well, learn your lesson from
    this and be more careful.
[13:13] Kam
    I'm sick and tired of losing.
[13:15] Kam
    Even having you gone would leave
    us unable to beat that monster.
[13:20] Kag
    Kamui...
[13:22] Oki
    Yeesh.
[13:24] Oki
    You're letting a boar
    lecture you not to be rash?
[13:27] Oki
    How the mighty have fallen, boss.
[13:29] Oki
    But he's got a point.
[13:31] Oki
    You're losing sight of everything
    around you when you face that guy.
[13:35] Oki
    Otherwise, you wouldn't have let
    the boar land a kick on you.
[13:39] Kam
    Are you saying you can dodge
    that boar's kicks, then?
[13:44] Oki
    Sorry, but I'm not falling
    for your cheap provocation.
[13:47] Oki
    Besides, we can't afford to lose
    any more manpower or boarpower.
[13:52] Kam
    No need to worry.
[13:54] Kam
    I can more than make up for your loss.
[13:57] Oki
    Oh? Them's fighting words.
[13:58] Kag
    Hey, stop it!
[13:59] Kag
    Enough of that knocked-down
    Vegeta and Piccolo dialogue!
[14:02] Kag
    We're all tired of it!
[14:03] Oki
    Let's keep it simple, then.
[14:05] Oki
    Your sister's ugly!
[14:08] Kam
    Right back at ya.
[14:09] Kag
    "Right back at ya," my ass!
[14:11] Kag
    Take that back!
[14:12] Gin
    Sheesh, now I owe a real weirdo one.
[14:17] Shin
    I'm just glad you survived that situation.
[14:20] Gin
    How about the others?
[14:21] Shin
    No idea. All of Edo is in a similar state.
[14:25] Shin
    Who knows just how many
    casualties there were?
[14:28] Abu
    Looks like humans weren't the only victims.
[14:31] Shin
    Gengai-san! You're okay!
[14:34] Gen
    Do I look okay? These guys...
[14:38] Gen
    They threw me around like a sack of garbage!
[14:42] Abu
    I heard that on this planet, both useless
    people and objects are seen as junk.
[14:47] Gen
    The real junk is the medals awarded to
    those who burn out in the line of duty!
[14:53] Gen
    Learn from those guys!
    They fulfilled their duty!
[14:56] Shin
    Fulfilled their duty?
[14:58] Abu
    Oh, the nanomachine virus
    this geezer scattered.
[15:02] Abu
    It seems it's completely dead.
[15:04] Shin
    The bees are?
[15:06] Shin
    Then right now, Edo is...
[15:07] Gen
    Completely defenseless.
[15:10] Gen
    If the Liberation Army fleet attacks
    now, we have no means to stop them.
[15:16] Shin
    Dammit!
[15:16] Abu
    Looking at this country, everyone
    would think only one thing...
[15:20] Abu
    "The battle has already been decided."
[15:24] Abu
    Maybe it's only the ones here
    who haven't admitted defeat yet.
[15:31] Tak
    There are some here, too.
[15:34] Tak
    Above you,
[15:36] Tak
    all the way up in space.
[15:39] Tak
    Don't worry about the Liberation Army.
[15:42] Tak
    They've been dealt with already.
[15:46] Tak
    Gintoki,
[15:47] Tak
    it's your turn now.
[15:51] Gin
    That so?
[15:52] Gin
    I don't know who you are,
[15:55] Gin
    but thanks for covering
    our asses from space.
[15:59] Gin
    But you shouldn't have bothered.
[16:02] Gin
    Not a single person here
    has been rendered junk yet.
[16:08] Gin
    What we tried to protect doesn't
    have a single scratch on it.
[16:13] Gin
    It's too early for talk of medals.
[16:18] Gin
    How about you?
[16:20] Gin
    Surely you haven't turned into junk just
    from stopping the Liberation Army.
[16:25] Tak
    Of course not.
[16:26] Tak
    Be ready, because I'm coming for you.
[16:30] Mone
    Sister, something's off with Komako.
[16:33] Ane
    Must be using up too much Zen power.
[16:35] Ane
    If only we had him right now...
[16:38] Mone
    Sister! You know he chose to
    walk down a different path!
[16:43] Mone
    It's too late...
[16:46] Mone
    Komako?
[16:48] Ane
    That howl...
SIGN    Lake Touya
[16:51] Hij
    Okay, gotcha.
[16:55] Hij
    Hey. Took you long enough.
[17:00] Hij
    We found a way to stop that.
[17:04] Hij
    But we should hurry.
[17:07] Hij
    The dog's gone.
[17:09] Hij
    You know why, don't you?
[17:13] Mone
    Komako!
[17:17] Ane
    Are you saying you'll fight with us?
[17:22] Kon
    Dog Deities?
[17:24] Hij
    Yeah. According to Pops,
    Edo is only barely holding on
[17:28] Hij
    thanks to those dubious occult beings.
[17:33] Hij
    We've gotta crush the enemy while
    they're subduing the surge.
[17:37] Kon
    Got it.
[17:38] Kon
    I'll take everyone who can
    fight and head right there.
[17:43] Kon
    If even dogs lost faith in
    humans and rose up themselves,
[17:47] Kon
    how can we not claw our way back up, too?
[17:53] Gin
    That stupid mutt!
[17:55] Gin
    Why'd he have to remember an ancient premise
    that even our viewers have forgotten?
[17:59] Abu
    Do the people of this planet beg even
    dogs for help when they're desperate?
[18:04] Gin
    We haven't fallen far enough
    to accept help from rabbits.
[18:07] Abu
    Offering you our help would
    be selling ourselves short.
[18:10] Abu
    Commander!
[18:11] Abu
    We're going ahead.
[18:14] Abu
    Rabbits only help out other rabbits.
[18:16] Abu
    That other rabbit over there?
[18:18] Abu
    Babysit her yourself, "Big Bro."
[18:22] Kam
    Wait, Abuto!
[18:24] Kam
    Those guys palmed all the
    dead weight off on me!
[18:27] Gin
    What was that?
[18:28] Kam
    I said I'd kick you again if
    you don't get a move on.
[18:32] Gin
    And whose fault is it that
    my body's so slow now?
[18:35] Gin
    Just you try kicking me.
[18:36] Gin
    I'll slow down until I'm dead.
[18:39] (Flashback) Kag
    There has to be something only you can do.
[18:45] Kag
    If I hadn't said that to him...
[18:48] Soy
    I'm so sorry, Kagura-chan.
[18:51] Soy
    I should've kept closer
    watch on Sadaharu-kun.
[18:54] Kag
    It's not your fault!
[18:57] Nob
    Exactly. Both he and that man
[19:01] Nob
    made their own decisions and
    went off of their own will.
[19:06] Nob
    They could only take that
    step without hesitation
[19:10] Nob
    because they had people they could
    trust with things behind them.
[19:14] Nob
    That's what you need to be.
[19:18] Nob
    Take care of the princess.
[19:24] Soy
    Nobume-san?
[19:25] Soy
    Nobume-san!
[19:31] Nob
    The enemy seems to have noticed our moves.
[19:35] Nob
    I'll lead them away from the princess.
[19:39] Nob
    The enemy's presence vanished...?
[19:42] Kag
    Nobutas? Nobutas!
[19:46] Kam
    Jump!
[19:57] Gin
    These guys...
[20:02] Kag
    Outta my way!
[20:05] Kag
    I don't have time to waste on you!
[20:08] Kag
    Get out of my way!
[20:10] Gin
    Don't push yourself,
    Kagura! These guys are...
[20:17] Gin
    Kagura!
[20:22] Kam
    So what if the enemy's immortal?
[20:25] Kam
    If they won't die, we can just
    break them until they can't move.
[20:33] Kag
    Kamui!
[20:34] Kam
    Unfortunately for you, I may not be immortal,
[20:40] Kam
    but this isn't nearly enough to break me.
[20:43] Kag
    Kamui, you...
[20:45] Kam
    Calm down a little.
[20:47] Kam
    Rabbits only help out other rabbits.
[20:50] Kam
    If you go and die, the
    big rabbit won't show up.
[21:00] Kam
    Hey, you're late.
[21:02] Kam
    Your dear little bunnies are crying.
[21:05] UB
    Oh? Where are they?
[21:08] UB
    I only see mischievous little brats.
[21:11] Kag
    Daddy! Nobutas!
[21:13] Gin
    Umibozu!
[21:14] UB
    This is the planet that
    started the end of the world.
[21:18] UB
    I came prepared not to be surprised
    by anything I ran into here.
[21:23] UB
    But even after 25 years as an alien hunter,
[21:26] UB
    the universe still has surprises
    left in store for me.
[21:32] UB
    This world really is too amusing to end!
[21:43] UB
    Oh? Are you the failures who
    inherited Utsuro's blood?
[21:48] UB
    But immortality isn't exclusive to you.
[21:52] UB
    This geezer, who came back from the dead
    to repay your boss for what he did,
[21:57] UB
    and the people still fighting
    in this planet of rubble...
[22:01] UB
    We are immortal and indomitable, standing
    back up no matter how many times we fall.
[22:05] UB
    Who knows who'll be the last one standing?
[22:10] UB
    As for you...
[22:12] UB
    Die right here and now!
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
[23:49] Mad
    This time, I'll climb back up
    from rock-bottom with you.
SIGN    The Unemployed Cannot
    Be Stained By Anything
SIGN    Umibozu joins the fray!
SIGN    And he makes an immediate impact!
SIGN    Meanwhile, Prince Hata is forced by his brother, Shijaku,
SIGN    to make an impossible choice!

E359 - The Unemployed Cannot Be Stained By Anything

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Silver Soul
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
SIGN    The Unemployed Cannot
    Be Stained By Anything
[01:40] UB
    As for you...
[01:44] UB
    Die right here and now!
[01:50] Kag
    What do you think you're
    doing, you stupid cue ball?!
SIGN    Watch the Silver Soul arc in a bright
    room and at a safe distance from the TV!!!!!!
[01:52] UB
    Tch.
[01:53] UB
    How do you have the gall to show
    up after everything you've done?
[01:58] UB
    I'll end you this time for sure.
[02:00] Kag
    You're wrong, Daddy! He...
[02:02] UB
    I'm not wrong about anything.
[02:05] UB
    A big bro who got a hole in his
    belly protecting his kid sister?
[02:09] UB
    No father would ever praise
    him for doing a good job.
[02:13] UB
    If he's here to do stupid crap like
    that, I'll take him out for good.
[02:18] Kam
    That so?
[02:20] Kam
    No need to worry, then.
[02:22] Kam
    I still have the strength left to kill you!
[02:30] Kam
    I wanted to save the main dish for last,
[02:32] Kam
    but if you insist, I'll gobble
    it down with the appetizer!
[02:35] Gin
    Hold it, you morons!
[02:38] UB
    What did you just say?!
[02:40] UB
    Whose head is Made in Bangladesh?!
[02:43] Gin
    Nobody said anything of the sort!
[02:45] UB
    There's nothing up there!
    I'm not wearing a wig!
[02:52] Kag
    That's enough.
[02:57] Kag
    You two...
[02:59] Kag
    Even at a time like this, you wanna fight?
[03:02] Kag
    No matter how much time passes or
    where we are, you never learn, do you?
[03:07] Kag
    But that's just fine.
[03:12] Kag
    Even if it's just for a moment,
    my entire family's on Earth.
[03:16] Kag
    That's enough for me.
[03:23] Nob
    Run!
[03:24] Nob
    We're breaking through!
[03:28] Kam
    Damn!
[03:30] UB
    Use it. It'll stop your bleeding.
[03:33] UB
    I don't care if you die a
    dog's death out of my sight.
[03:36] UB
    But I won't let you die on this planet.
[03:44] Kam
    I didn't do that for you.
[03:46] Kam
    Direct your thanks to her.
[03:52] (Flashback) Kag
    Earth?
[03:54] (Flashback) Kou
    Yeah. Your father told me
    about it a long time ago.
[03:59] (Flashback) Kou
    That there's a very beautiful
    blue planet out there.
[04:04] (Flashback) Kam
    So, did you get to go there?
[04:07] (Flashback) Kou
    No. Who knows when I'll be able to?
[04:10] (Flashback) Kag
    Let's go to Earth, Mommy.
[04:13] (Flashback) Kag
    Let's go with Daddy and Kamui...
    The whole family, together.
[04:19] Kag
    Mommy, sorry we kept you waiting so long.
[04:23] Kag
    But everyone's here now.
[04:27] Kag
    Here, on Earth.
[04:31] Gin
    Was it you, Nobume?
[04:33] Gin
    Was it you who brought another
    nuke to a nuke site?!
[04:36] Nob
    A nuke? Do you really think
    that would bring down Utsuro?
[04:40] Nob
    He's the trump card, the only
    one who can defeat Utsuro.
[04:42] Nob
    I brought him along because he said that.
[04:45] Nob
    And to me, an outsider,
[04:47] Nob
    they look like two peas in a pod,
    a loving father and son.
[04:49] Bo
    Are you blind?!
[04:51] Ub
    I told you, didn't I?
[04:53] Ub
    That I'd definitely find a way to kill him?
[04:57] Shin
    N-No way...
[04:59] Ub
    I collected, from every
    corner of the universe,
[05:04] Ub
    the crystals that the planets gave birth to!
[05:10] Ub
    Our fragments of hope...
[05:12] Ub
    Altana crystallites!
[05:15] Shin
    Crystallites?
[05:16] Gin
    If we have those things, can we
    nullify Utsuro's immortality?
[05:20] UB
    Utsuro's no immortal.
[05:23] UB
    If his body takes a strong
    dose of incompatible Altana,
[05:27] UB
    he can't maintain his immortality.
[05:31] UB
    I couldn't save Kouka.
[05:35] UB
    So this time I'm going to make sure,
    with the hope she gave me,
[05:41] UB
    to save this planet she so loved.
[05:45] UB
    Behold.
[05:47] UB
    This is what's hidden in the crystallites...
[05:50] UB
    The power of Altana!
[05:55] UB
    When I sprinkled them on my head,
    I grew a full head of hair!
[06:00] UB
    What'd you do that for?
[06:02] UB
    Ow... Look, my head!
[06:04] UB
    It has so much hair!
[06:06] Kag
    Come off it! What the hell are
    you using the crystallites for?!
[06:10] Ub
    I'm showing the enemies that they're
    not the only immortal ones.
[06:14] Ub
    My hair roots are, too!
[06:15] Shin
    That serves no purpose at all!
[06:17] Kam
    Then let me take a good look, too.
[06:20] Kam
    Immortal? It's a wig, just like always.
[06:23] UB
    Everyone's hair turns into a wig
    when pulled with that much force!
[06:26] UB
    What have you done, you little shit?!
[06:28] Shin
    We don't have time for that crap!
[06:30] Shin
    The enemy's coming!
[06:31] UB
    Good grief. If you're
    baddies in a Sentai show,
[06:34] UB
    you're supposed to take a hint and not
    attack while the robots are combining.
[06:39] Shin
    But all we've got is a
    cue ball and a wig combining!
[06:41] Ub
    I'll have to take the hint too, then.
[06:45] Ub
    I'll show you the power of an Altana
    weapon made from crystallites.
[06:51] Ub
    Ready... Fire!
[06:55] Ub
    Buy me three seconds! It'll grow right back!
[06:58] All
    Who would wait?!
[07:01] Gin
    What's all this about?!
[07:03] Gin
    Our last hope, the crystallites,
    are being used on nothing but trash!
[07:06] Nob
    If that's our trump card, Earth is done for.
[07:10] Nob
    Nothing but hair roots will remain.
[07:11] Kag
    Those hair roots should die, too!
[07:12] Shin
    We can't break through like this!
[07:28] Shin
    It fired something!
[07:30] UB
    I told you.
[07:31] UB
    An old man and a cannon are
    combining! Take a hint!
[07:35] UB
    Converting Altana extracted
    from crystallites
[07:39] UB
    and firing it all is what this
    Altana weapon, Shoryumon, does!
[07:43] UB
    It was a byproduct born while I
    was building the hair-growth gun.
[07:47] Shin
    That other one's clearly the extra here!
[07:49] UB
    The Altana imbued in it
    can destroy any immortal.
[07:54] UB
    What's more, the Altana particles
    the cannon spreads in the air
[07:58] UB
    eat into the bodies of all immortals nearby.
[08:05] UB
    The immortals won't be able to stand anymore.
[08:09] UB
    The last ones standing
[08:12] UB
    will be us!
[08:15] Kag
    You damn cue ball!
[08:16] Shin
    If you had that thing,
    why didn't you use it sooner?!
[08:18] Shin
    What was all that about the hair growth?
    Did you just want to show off?!
[08:21] UB
    Wait, wait! That wasn't my intention!
[08:25] UB
    The Shoryumon takes a while
    to charge up and fire.
[08:28] UB
    I have to make every shot count.
[08:30] Gin
    What? Don't you have any
    other Altana weapons?
[08:34] UB
    I do, but they're limited in number...
[08:38] Kam
    Wow, these tiny bombs are amazing!
[08:41] Kam
    They're sending the immortals
    flying like garbage!
[08:43] UB
    Stop wasting my weapons!
    When did you swipe them, anyway?!
[08:47] Kam
    I'm pretty sure this is much better
    than using them in a hair-growth agent.
[08:51] Kam
    Besides, with these things,
[08:54] Kam
    I can hold off those corpses all by myself.
[08:58] Kam
    Get going. There's no time, right?
[09:01] Kam
    I'm already tired of babysitting you.
[09:04] Kam
    Why should I have to take care of a dog, too?
[09:08] Shin
    Kamui-san.
[09:09] UB
    True.
[09:10] UB
    If he needs a little girl
    to watch over him forever,
[09:13] UB
    a man will lose all face.
[09:15] Kam
    Are you referring to me?
[09:19] UB
    Not you. I'm talking about me.
[09:23] UB
    But no need to worry anymore.
[09:25] UB
    Even without you,
[09:29] UB
    we'll be all right.
[09:31] UB
    So get going.
[09:33] UB
    This time, for the new family
    you've found for yourself...
[09:37] UB
    And for yourself.
[09:41] UB
    Take this and go.
[09:43] UB
    I made it by forging steel that
    was imbued with crystallite.
[09:48] UB
    You samurai love your swords, don't you?
[09:52] Gin
    You know, samurai used to
    wield two weapons in the past.
[09:56] Gin
    Only when they carried both a long and a
    short sword were they seen as true warriors.
[10:02] Gin
    But at some point, they
    threw away their pride,
[10:04] Gin
    lost the beliefs they were meant to uphold,
[10:07] Gin
    and were left with only one
    sword, for self-defense.
[10:10] Gin
    I staggered through that darkness,
    swinging a stick of wood around,
[10:15] Gin
    and somehow managed to get this far.
[10:19] Gin
    It was only because I had two
    blunt yet unbreakable swords
[10:24] Gin
    with me right here.
[10:27] Gin
    I thank you for helping me
    meet one of those dullards.
[10:33] Gin
    So long as I have these two on my waist,
[10:35] Gin
    this samurai won't break.
[10:40] Gin
    I swear I'll come back, both swords in tow.
[10:45] UB
    Hey, do you think that was his way of
    asking for my daughter's hand in marriage?
[10:51] Kam
    That just occurred to you?
[10:53] Kam
    I thought you were prepared
    for that all along.
[10:56] UB
    Don't be stupid.
[10:58] UB
    Kouka hated wimps like that.
[11:02] UB
    Ah, I see.
[11:03] UB
    Well, she did choose a blimp
    for a husband, after all.
[11:06] UB
    But yeah, nothing beats a son.
[11:10] UB
    A daughter will leave
    for another man someday,
[11:12] UB
    but a son doesn't leave his old man alone.
[11:15] UB
    Seriously.
[11:16] UB
    I'm always having my life targeted,
    my arm ripped off, or my hair torn off!
[11:22] UB
    Daddy's so happy to have such a merry family!
[11:35] Mon
    We've quelled more or less
    all of them, I guess?
[11:38] Ane
    The only spot left is that one.
[11:41] Mon
    Time for checkmate.
[11:46] Ane
    Let me express my gratitude.
[11:48] Ane
    We gave up on you and threw you out.
[11:52] Ane
    But you never abandoned us.
SIGN    Please Take Me Home
[11:58] Ane
    No, that's not it.
[12:00] Ane
    I'm sure what you wanted to protect was...
[12:05] Ane
    I promise you.
[12:07] Ane
    We will take you home to your family.
[12:10] Ane
    So give us a bit more...
[12:14] Ane
    Huh?
[12:16] Ane
    Wait a second. Time-out.
[12:18] Ane
    Were you always this size?
[12:21] Mon
    What's the matter, Sister?
[12:23] Ane
    Did I use too much Zen power?
[12:26] Ane
    A large is looking like a medium to me.
[12:28] Mon
    It isn't just your imagination.
    You've grown larger, Sister.
[12:34] Mon
    You stooped as low as becoming
    a cabaret priestess for a while,
[12:37] Mon
    but now you're fighting to
    fulfill our clan's duty.
[12:40] Mon
    How you've grown, truly.
[12:43] Mon
    I can see it, too.
[12:44] Mon
    You look larger than life,
    like Obayashi Motoko.
[12:48] Mon
    Right, Komako?
[12:51] Ane
    Even Komako's tiny now!
[12:54] Ane
    What's going on? Why is this happening?!
[12:57] Ane
    Don't tell me, is this...
[13:00] Ane
    Mone!
[13:06] Mon
    Sister!
[13:10] Ane
    Run!
[13:14] Shin
    An earthquake?
[13:15] Gin
    The ley lines were getting quieter!
    Now they're going nuts again?!
[13:19] Kag
    What's that mean?
[13:20] Kag
    Sadaharu and the others should be
    holding it down right now!
[13:23] Nob
    Only the tributaries were calmed down.
[13:26] Nob
    The main river still remains.
[13:29] Nob
    Could it be, that man...
[13:43] Nob
    The Gate burst.
[13:45] Nob
    Nobody can stop it anymore.
[13:47] Nob
    Not Utsuro, not anyone.
[13:52] U
    Your welcoming party is ready.
[13:55] U
    I'm waiting for you, Shoyo's pupils.
[14:06] Shi
    We've lost all control
    of the Heavenly Bird now.
[14:10] Shi
    We have no time to evacuate
    the people on board, either.
[14:14] Shi
    But if we can destroy the ship
    before it crashes into Earth,
[14:19] Shi
    we can save that planet
    and the entire galaxy.
[14:23] Shi
    And the only ones capable
    of that right now...
[14:27] Shi
    Hata, it's you and your people.
[14:31] Hat
    Admiral, are you telling me to save people?
[14:35] Hat
    Or are you telling me to kill them?
[14:40] Shi
    I don't know, either.
[14:43] Shi
    But any path that you choose, as one
    who has loved every living being,
[14:48] Shi
    is a path that I can
    believe is the right one.
[14:54] Shi
    Hata, your brother...
[15:03] Shi
    Your two brothers stand by you!
[15:06] Shi
    So don't hesitate.
[15:08] Shi
    Believe in your heart and move forward!
[15:13] Jii
    Prince...
[15:15] Mad
    What're you waiting for?
    The answer should already be obvious.
[15:19] Mad
    Actually, the you of old
    would never have hesitated.
[15:25] Hat
    I suppose.
[15:27] Hat
    But I don't know why...
[15:30] (Flashback) Shi
    Become a kind king who loves
    all living beings, Hata.
[15:35] (Flashback) Mad
    I said shut up, you pet freak!
[15:40] Hat
    But there's a part of me that doesn't want
    to destroy either the ship or the planet!
[15:47] Hat
    Thinking back, meeting a bizarre
    creature on Earth sealed my fate.
[15:55] Hat
    You will take responsibility
    for this, samurai.
[15:58] Hat
    If I make the wrong choice
    again, punch me in the face.
[16:04] Hat
    All ships, prepare to fire!
[16:07] Hat
    The target: the Heavenly Bird!
[16:10] Hat
    Forgive me, my brothers!
[16:13] Hat
    Fi...
[16:19] Jii
    He really punched him! He punched
    him at the worst possible time!
[16:22] Jii
    What? What did the prince get wrong?
[16:25] Jii
    Did he do something bad?
[16:26] Mad
    His face.
[16:28] Jii
    What do you mean, he got his
    face wrong? That's nothing new!
[16:31] Jii
    That face has always been a fail!
[16:33] Mad
    I punched you, lost my job,
[16:36] Mad
    and hit rock bottom in life.
[16:39] Mad
    I regretted my choice over and over,
    and over and over I wanted to kill myself.
[16:43] Mad
    But you know what looking at your
    face right now made me feel?
[16:47] Mad
    It made me glad I socked you.
[16:49] Mad
    So I did it once more.
[16:52] Mad
    Only this time, it was to climb
    back up from rock bottom with you!
[16:57] Mad
    Will you quietly watch Earth be destroyed?
[17:01] Mad
    Or will you destroy the ship your
    brothers and comrades are on to save it?
[17:06] Mad
    Even a child would know which
    choice here is right or wrong.
[17:13] Mad
    They're both wrong.
[17:15] Mad
    The only right choice is to save
    it all, both Earth and that ship!
[17:22] Mon
    Sister, please hang in there.
[17:24] Ane
    Shut up and drive.
[17:27] Ane
    I can't quit right now.
[17:30] Ane
    These two are starting to lose their
    bodies due to using so much Zen power.
[17:36] Ane
    At this rate, their very
    existences may be erased.
[17:40] Mon
    Erased? No...
[17:48] Ane
    Mone!
[18:02] Ane
    Komako...
[18:03] Ane
    Komako!
[18:06] Shi
    Hata! Why won't you fire?!
[18:09] Mad
    Admiral, I'm with Immigration.
[18:13] Mad
    Sorry, but we can't shoot down
    a ship with our comrades on it.
[18:16] Shi
    Of all the stupid...
[18:18] Shi
    Are you saying you'll approve
    this burning ship's entry?!
[18:22] Mad
    Yeah. Welcome.
[18:25] Mad
    If we can't stop it, we'll have to let it in.
[18:29] Mad
    This is a job for ex-Immigration
    Bureau Chief Hasegawa Taizo.
[18:35] Mad
    All ships, full speed ahead!
[18:38] Mad
    Take position in front of the Heavenly Bird!
[18:41] Shi
    Are you out of your mind?!
[18:43] Hat
    Admiral!
[18:45] Hat
    Didn't you say you could
    believe in my choice?
[18:48] Hat
    Then believe in me.
[18:51] Hat
    Believe in the choice this
    man I believed in made!
[18:56] Hat
    I'm a kid brother who loves his brothers
    and the creatures known as samurai,
[19:01] Hat
    and this is my answer!
[19:10] Shi
    Anti-impact shields?
[19:12] Shi
    Don't tell me,
[19:13] Shi
    you plan to stop this ship head-on?!
[19:17] Shi
    This is insane! You'll be dragged
    down to Earth along with this ship!
[19:22] Mad
    Exactly.
[19:24] Mad
    But if we can delay the impact
    even a little, that's enough.
[19:30] Mad
    I know who's down there on Earth.
[19:34] Mad
    I know that they, and Earth,
[19:37] Mad
    will definitely come back to life!
[19:43] Shin
    Ane-san! Mone-san!
[19:45] Nob
    I'll take care of things here.
[19:47] Nob
    Hurry up and go to him.
[19:52] Mad
    Insane?
[19:53] Mad
    I say abandoning one or the
    other is much more insane.
[19:57] Mad
    If both choices are insane,
[19:59] Mad
    I'd rather choose the world with
    the people I can trust in it.
[20:04] Mad
    No need for IDs or annoying paperwork.
[20:07] Mad
    It doesn't matter if you're
    Earthlings or otherwise.
[20:11] Mad
    Just bring your stupid faces back home alive!
[20:17] Mad
    That's the kind of passport
    the land of the samurai issues.
[20:22] G
    Prince! The shields have
    crossed critical load!
[20:25] G
    We can't hold it off anymore!
[20:27] G
    If this keeps up, the entire
    fleet will be crushed!
[20:30] Jii
    It really didn't work!
[20:32] Jii
    That's why I told you not to
    do this, you stupid prince!
[20:35] Hat
    Shut up, Gramps!
[20:36] Jii
    Hey, Hasegawa, take responsibility for this.
[20:38] Jii
    What did you base this moronic plan on?
[20:42] Mad
    The entire universe.
[20:44] Mad
    That thing can't be stopped unless we
    gather all the ships in the universe.
[20:48] Jii
    Huh? Quit sleeptalking, you dimwit!
[20:52] Jii
    As if we could...
[20:53] LibA
    We have all the ships you need right here.
[20:57] LibA
    Earthlings, you clawed your
    way back from total despair.
[21:01] LibB
    And now, you're trying to save
    our mother ship from sinking.
[21:06] LibC
    I'm amazed you're trying to save
    all those lives, ally or enemy!
[21:11] LibD
    Perhaps we misjudged you people.
[21:14] LibE
    Ex-Immigration Bureau Chief,
    was it? Would you give us a chance?
[21:19] LibA
    If you say you'll save our mother ship...
[21:22] LibB
    ...we'll use our entire fleet
    to protect your planet.
[21:27] Hat
    The Liberation Army?!
[21:29] Mad
    That so?
[21:30] Mad
    Guess giving away our passports
    for cheap paid off.
[21:35] Mad
    Welcome to the land of the samurai.
[21:47] Shi
    I-Impossible.
[21:49] Shi
    Who are you really, Hasegawa Taizo?
[21:52] Shi
    Just how much power and
    influence do you have?!
[21:55] Mad
    Isn't that obvious?
[21:57] Mad
    I answer to no authority and am free
    to say and do whatever I please,
[22:02] Mad
    without having to take
    responsibility for any of it.
[22:06] Mad
    But I have no power, influence, or money.
[22:10] Mad
    Hell, I don't even have a job.
[22:15] Mad
    I'm just an unemployed man.
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
[23:49] Gin
    No matter what, I'm not letting go!
SIGN    Always Hold On to Your Trump Cards
SIGN    Being unemployed may seem awesome all of a sudden,
SIGN    but please take great care with your life choices in the real world.
SIGN    Meanwhile, the war started by Utsuro
SIGN    is reaching its climax...

E360 - Always Hold On to Your Trump Cards

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Watch the Silver Soul arc in a bright
    room and at a safe distance from the TV!!!!!!!
[00:04] Ane
    These two are starting to lose their
    bodies due to using so much Zen power.
[00:11] Ane
    At this rate, their very
    existences may be erased.
[00:15] Mon
    Erased? No...
[00:21] Mad
    All ships, full speed ahead!
[00:24] Mad
    Take position in front of the Heavenly Bird!
[00:27] Shi
    Anti-impact shields?
[00:29] Shi
    Don't tell me...
[00:30] Shi
    you plan to stop this ship head-on?!
[00:34] Shin
    Ane-san! Mone-san!
[00:36] Nob
    I'll take care of things here.
[00:38] Nob
    Hurry up and go to him.
[00:41] LibE
    Ex-Immigration Bureau Chief,
    was it? Would you give us a chance?
[00:46] LibA
    If you say you'll save our mother ship...
[00:49] LibB
    ...we'll use our entire fleet
    to protect your planet.
[00:54] Mad
    That so?
[00:55] Mad
    Guess giving away our passports
    for cheap paid off.
[01:00] Mad
    Welcome to the land of the samurai.
[01:29] (Flashback) Ane
    We'll go with you.
[01:32] (Flashback) Ane
    You're not going alone.
[01:35] (Flashback) Ane
    We won't let you.
[01:40] (Flashback) Ane
    Forgive me.
[01:43] (Flashback) Ane
    I know.
[01:45] (Flashback) Ane
    I know that we'll only be dead weight.
[01:51] (Flashback) Ane
    So take it...
[01:55] (Flashback) Ane
    Take everything we have.
[02:03] (Flashback) Ane
    Forget about fulfilling your duty.
[02:06] (Flashback) Ane
    Use these powers for yourself
[02:09] (Flashback) Ane
    and the people you care about most.
[02:16] (Flashback) Ane
    Don't you dare die, okay?
[02:58] (Flashback) Ane
    Forget about fulfilling your duty.
SIGN    Please Take Me Home
[03:03] (Flashback) Ane
    Use these powers for yourself
[03:06] (Flashback) Ane
    and the people you care about most.
[03:24] Gin
    Hey.
[03:26] Gin
    That's my dog.
[03:29] Gin
    What do you think you're doing to him?
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Silver Soul
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
SIGN    Always Hold On to Your Trump Cards
[05:39] U
    So you've come.
[05:42] Bo
    Sadaharu!
[05:53] Kag
    Sadaharu!
[06:04] Kag
    Sadaharu!
[06:08] Gin
    Sadaharu!
[06:29] U
    There is nothing you people
    can protect anymore.
[06:38] Gin
    We were okay
[06:40] Gin
    with having a plain old dog
    that just barked and woofed.
[06:46] Gin
    That was all we wanted.
[06:59] U
    What is this?
[07:01] Gin
    Do you think he was the kind of dog
    that'd leave unfinished food in his bowl?
[07:07] Gin
    I'm nothing more than his owner.
[07:11] Gin
    Until he goes back to being a plain old dog,
[07:15] Gin
    I'll just keep howling beside him.
[07:19] U
    I see.
[07:22] Shin
    He's alive?
[07:24] Shin
    Sadaharu...
[07:27] Shin
    Sadaharu's still fighting!
[07:32] U
    But the world is still going to end.
[07:37] U
    Shouldn't you release him from his suffering
[07:39] U
    and die together with him?
[07:43] U
    Isn't that the least you
    can do as his family?
[07:48] Gin
    You have no right to speak of family.
[07:56] Gin
    We're no family.
[07:59] Gin
    We aren't related by blood,
[08:02] Gin
    and our birthplaces are all different.
[08:05] Gin
    There's nothing binding us together.
[08:07] Gin
    And that's why...
[08:11] Gin
    we'll never let go of each other's hands!
[08:18] Shin
    None of you shall pass.
[08:22] Kag
    We'll crush every single
    piece of despair right here.
[08:27] Gin
    There's a world where he can
    live as simply the Odd Jobs dog,
[08:32] Gin
    and we're taking it back!
[08:39] U
    How foolish.
[08:49] U
    Humans really do deserve to die out.
[08:54] Gin
    If you wanna die so badly,
[08:55] Gin
    I'll put an end to you.
[08:59] Gin
    Now, you guys are just like us, too.
[09:07] Gin
    You're just human.
[09:12] Gin
    Utsuro!
[09:26] U
    I see.
[09:28] U
    Thank you for giving me such a
    close look at your trump card.
[09:33] U
    So much so that a hole opened up.
[09:35] U
    However...
[09:37] U
    You can't kill me like that.
[09:45] U
    This is Earth, my birth planet.
[09:48] U
    Here, I can absorb all the Altana I need
[09:51] U
    to reconstruct my body.
[09:54] U
    So long as you don't destroy this planet,
[09:57] U
    I will not go down.
[10:02] Shin
    No...
[10:04] U
    Isn't it ironic?
[10:06] U
    What you people have so desperately protected
[10:10] U
    is my life itself.
[10:13] Kag
    Gin-chan!
[10:13] Shin
    Gin-san!
[10:25] UB
    If someone gives you a present,
[10:28] UB
    you really should take better care of it.
[10:32] Kam
    But that wasn't our only trump card.
[10:35] Kon
    If you put together the trump
    cards of each of us here...
[10:40] UB
    ...we can kill you for good,
    no matter how many times you revive.
[10:44] UB
    Rejoice.
[10:46] UB
    The monster dies today.
[10:48] Shin
    G-Guys!
[10:50] Kon
    Let's go, you louts!
[10:54] Kon
    Take Utsuro's head!
[10:58] U
    An all-out war?
[11:02] U
    Are you...
[11:05] G
    His eyes! Take him out
    before his eyes recover!
[11:08] U
    Are you that afraid
[11:13] U
    of me?
[11:19] Ymz
    No way... He can see?
[11:22] U
    I'm used to losing my sight, you see.
[11:27] U
    At one time, I even had my eyeballs
    gouged out every day for decades.
[11:35] U
    Within that profound darkness,
[11:38] U
    you can feel things,
    even if you can't see them.
[12:19] U
    You said you will kill me for good,
    no matter how many times I revive.
[12:24] U
    But how many of your
    friends will die by then?
[12:32] U
    Oh?
[12:37] Kon
    Got you now,
[12:39] Kon
    Utsuro!
[12:48] Kon
    Got you now,
[12:50] Kon
    Utsuro!
[12:51] Hij
    Kondo-san!
[12:53] Kon
    I'm going to rip your heart out of that body.
[12:59] Kon
    Have a good taste of my sword...
[13:03] Kon
    The Shinsengumi's sword!
[13:08] U
    You crushed my eyes and stabbed my heart.
[13:12] U
    What will you come for next?
[13:23] Gin
    Wait!
[13:33] U
    That was pretty good.
[13:36] U
    With that speed, you really
    could take me out...
[13:40] U
    You could have until a moment ago, that is.
[13:47] G
    Vice Chief! Captain Okita!
[13:50] Abu
    Fire!
[13:52] Abu
    Riddle his body with crystallite bullets!
[14:01] Abu
    Bullets that fly straight are easier
    to evade than swaying blades.
[14:07] Kam
    How about an idiot that
    flies straight at you, then?
[14:12] U
    It is as you see.
[14:22] Kam
    That so?
[14:24] Kam
    Then try dodging this,
[14:27] Kam
    a shot fired by an idiot.
[14:37] Kam
    If we can't kill you by skewering
    or pumping holes into you,
[14:42] Kam
    our only choice left is to
    erase every last cell.
[14:47] Kam
    It's too bad.
[14:48] Kam
    Looks like you failed to
    erase your shitty DNA.
[14:53] Kam
    But he's...
[15:00] UB
    Not yet!
[15:01] UB
    He can come back to life
    from just one hand, too!
[15:05] UB
    Erase that arm!
[15:07] Abu
    Over here, Commander!
[15:12] Abu
    Fire!
[15:14] UB
    This thing could malfunction if
    I fire back-to-back shots, but...
[15:20] UB
    This is our best chance!
[15:29] UB
    He sacrificed his own arm?
[15:46] UB
    Is that all you've got?
[15:49] UB
    It's too bad.
[15:50] UB
    It seems I am the only one who can kill me.
[15:57] Shin
    Kagura-chan!
[16:01] Shin
    My body won't move!
[16:13] Abu
    Commander!
[16:21] Kag
    Kamui!
[16:23] Abu
    Get him!
[16:43] Hij
    Kondo-san...
[16:48] Gin
    Get up already!
[17:07] Abu
    Wh-What the hell?
[17:10] Abu
    Forget about the world ending or whatever.
[17:14] Abu
    That beast will wipe us out all by himself.
[17:41] U
    At last, a fine expression.
[17:45] U
    That's just fine.
[17:46] U
    All you people can do
[17:49] U
    is cast your swords aside
[17:52] U
    and accept death...
[17:54] U
    Accept me.
[18:07] (Flashback) ShinD
    A samurai's sword is not something
    that is kept in a sheath.
[18:13] (Flashback) ShinD
    It's something that you hold in your soul.
[18:17] (Flashback) ShinD
    These days, samurai aren't needed.
[18:22] (Flashback) ShinD
    But no matter how much times change, there
    are things that people mustn't forget.
[18:30] (Flashback) ShinD
    Shinpachi, Otae.
[18:34] (Flashback) ShinD
    Even if there comes a time when
    you must give up your sword,
[18:39] (Flashback) ShinD
    you must never lose the unwavering
    sword kept in your soul.
[18:47] ShinD
    Our father told us never to lose
    our swords, come what may,
[18:53] ShinD
    and died with his eyes still open wide.
[18:59] ShinD
    Even when faced with death, he too kept
    searching until his very last breath...
[19:13] ShinD
    We weren't born to be ended!
[19:18] ShinD
    It's for the things that
    are endless and unchanging
[19:22] ShinD
    that we live here right now!
[19:25] ShinD
    I won't close my eyes
    until the very last, either!
[19:29] ShinD
    I won't let go of this sword!
[19:31] ShinD
    Father, your sword still
    lives strong within me...
[19:39] U
    That was a fine display of swordsmanship.
[20:12] U
    Is that dog deity still at it?
[20:22] Shin
    I finally got you.
[20:25] Shin
    The countless swords that you broke
    have led us here to this moment.
[20:31] Shin
    We won't be broken anymore!
[20:41] U
    There is still plenty of
    Altana left within me.
[20:45] U
    If he burns his entire life away, the ley
    lines will spiral out of control again.
[20:50] U
    Well, I suppose he might get
    killed by someone before that.
[20:55] U
    Either way,
[21:00] U
    I have enough to make sure
    the ending comes to pass.
[21:08] Kag
    You can have an ending for
    yourself all you want!
[21:28] Gin
    Yo, good to see your recovery
    isn't going too smoothly.
[21:34] Gin
    Savor that feeling.
[21:36] Gin
    The people you killed laid down their
    lives to inflict those wounds upon you.
[21:42] Gin
    You'd better not waste a single scratch.
[21:46] U
    Fragments of the crystallite sword...
[21:49] U
    You threw it at me back then
[21:51] U
    in order to get it in my bloodstream?
[21:55] Gin
    Not a single thing will go to waste.
[21:58] Gin
    Our reason for fighting, our feelings,
[22:02] Gin
    our regrets, and our hope...
[22:06] Gin
    I'm going to etch it all into your body.
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Preview
[23:44] Gin
    The creatures you know
    of no longer exist here,
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
[23:49] Gin
    creature who fears humanity!
SIGN    The Creatures Known as Humanity
SIGN    Utsuro has lived an endless life,
SIGN    and he brings about endless death.
SIGN    With the end of the world approaching,
SIGN    people choose to burn their flame of life bright and strong!

E361 - The Creatures Known as Humanity

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Watch the Silver Soul arc in a bright
    room and at a safe distance from the TV!!!!!!!
[00:07] (Flashback) Gin
    We would've made a whole bunch of money
    if you hadn't gotten in my way there!
[00:12] (Flashback) Shin
    What are you saying?
    Don't ignore your own mistake!
[00:14] (Flashback) Gin
    I didn't make any mistakes.
[00:14] (Flashback) Kag
    Oh, Sadaharu. We're home.
[00:16] (Flashback) Shin
    If that wasn't a mistake,
    I don't know what is!
[00:16] (Flashback) Kag
    Hey! Stop crying over spilled milk!
[00:19] (Flashback) Gin
    Uh, it was your fault in the first place!
[00:19] (Flashback) Shin
    Uh, it was your fault in the first place!
[00:29] U
    You gave everything you have,
    and made so many sacrifices,
[00:34] U
    but what you've gained is
    so trifling in comparison.
[00:40] U
    All you've done is momentarily
    strip me of my armor of immortality.
[00:47] U
    Besides, as I'm sure you realize,
[00:51] U
    your feeble flame of hope is already fading.
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Silver Soul
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
SIGN    The Creatures Known as Humanity
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[02:44] (Flashback) Shin
    Good morning!
[02:46] (Flashback) Shin
    I'm sorry.
[02:47] (Flashback) Shin
    Sis has a cold, which is why I'm a bit late.
[02:51] (Flashback) Shin
    Good morning, Sadaharu.
[02:54] (Flashback) Shin
    Oh, right.
[02:57] (Flashback) Shin
    I'm home, Sadaharu.
[03:09] (Flashback) Kag
    The rain got me good.
[03:10] (Flashback) Kag
    I should've left sooner.
[03:14] (Flashback) Kag
    I've always hated walking
    home in this weather.
[03:19] (Flashback) Kag
    Wet streets,
[03:21] (Flashback) Kag
    and an empty home.
[03:25] (Flashback) Kag
    This just brings back bad memories.
[03:29] (Flashback) Kag
    Huh? Sadaharu?
[03:33] (Flashback) Kag
    Where'd he run off to?
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[03:41] (Flashback) Kag
    I'm home.
[03:43] (Flashback) Kag
    Uh, you just got here, too.
[03:58] (Flashback) Gin
    I'm sick of puking.
[04:00] (Flashback) Gin
    I keep saying I'll never drink again,
    but this time I swear I'll stick to it.
[04:06] (Flashback) Gin
    Crap, my head hurts like
    it's being split open.
[04:09] (Flashback) Gin
    It's like there's an elephant on my head.
[04:11] (Flashback) Gin
    Oh, Sadaharu, help me out here.
[04:14] (Flashback) Gin
    I drank too much, and I can't move.
[04:16] (Flashback) Gin
    Take me inside, please.
[04:19] (Flashback) Gin
    What's with that look?
[04:21] (Flashback) Gin
    Why do you have to be so demanding?
[04:23] (Flashback) Gin
    Relax. I did buy you something.
[04:26] (Flashback) Gin
    Go get that bag.
[04:29] (Flashback) Gin
    It's monja. Eat up.
[04:31] (Flashback) Gin
    Ow! My headache got worse!
[04:33] (Flashback) Gin
    And I can't see anything! Help, Sadaharu!
[04:39] (Flashback) Gin
    Huh? I'm better now.
[04:41] (Flashback) Gin
    I'm good now, Sadaharu.
[04:43] (Flashback) Gin
    Thanks for your help.
[04:46] (Flashback) Gin
    Also...
[04:48] (Flashback) Gin
    I'm home.
[05:15] Shin
    Sadaharu, wait just a bit.
[05:21] Shin
    Very soon,
[05:23] Shin
    we'll come home to you.
[05:26] Shin
    So please...
[05:33] Shin
    Bark for us one more time.
[05:38] Shin
    Welcome us home with a bark!
[05:49] U
    It's over.
[05:53] U
    He died,
[05:55] U
    and the dragon revived.
[06:09] U
    You gave me a surprisingly hard time.
[06:12] U
    However...
[06:15] U
    Now, I can welcome the end of
    the world with no resistance.
SIGN    Lake Toya
[06:28] Gin
    Sadaharu...
[06:48] U
    What is this?
[06:49] Oto
    Good grief.
[06:51] Oto
    How many more sacrifices will we have
    to offer for our planet to calm down?
[06:58] Cat
    Well, if we offer her a mutt and three
    stooges, she might just return them.
[07:04] Tae
    True.
[07:05] Tae
    In that case,
[07:07] Tae
    let's have her take all the lives she
    wants from here until she's satisfied.
[07:13] Gin
    Y-You guys...
[07:16] Tae
    We won't make you guys
    carry the burden alone.
[07:20] Tae
    This is our planet.
[07:25] Tae
    We'll fight together with you until the end.
[07:28] Tae
    So don't give in, guys.
[07:32] Tae
    You're not alone.
[07:41] (Flashback) Nob
    Using life as a power source?
[07:43] (Flashback) Ane
    Yes. Ordinary people can't
    suppress ley lines like we can.
[07:49] (Flashback) Ane
    But if we act as mediums, they could
    convert their life energy into Zen power.
[07:54] (Flashback) Mone
    That's absurd.
[07:55] (Flashback) Mone
    We'd be making them carry
    the fated duty of our clan.
[08:00] (Flashback) Mone
    We'd be asking them to give up their
    lives to suppress the ley lines here.
[08:06] (Flashback) Mone
    Do you think he or the rest are
    fighting out of some sense of duty?
[08:17] (Flashback) Mone
    Komako!
[08:19] (Flashback) Nob
    Yes.
[08:21] (Flashback) Nob
    Even without a duty,
[08:24] (Flashback) Nob
    they would surely stand there...
[08:27] (Flashback) Nob
    Just to stand with their friends.
[08:34] Ane
    Take it!
[08:34] Mone
    Our power!
[08:37] Bo
    Everyone's feelings!
[08:47] U
    Who do you humans think you are?
[08:55] Kyu
    Stop us if you can.
[08:57] Kyu
    We will not take a single
    step back from here!
[09:02] Jir
    We've come this far together,
[09:04] Jir
    so we'll go with you all the
    way, be it to heaven or hell!
[09:12] Tsu
    No matter how many times you revive,
[09:14] Tsu
    we will keep standing back up!
[09:17] Zen
    We won't let anyone else die!
[09:19] Sac
    So guys, just one more time...
[09:34] U
    Begone.
[09:36] U
    Just how far will you take
    your futile resistance?
[09:39] U
    Humans, I know you better
    than you know yourselves.
[09:45] U
    You're foolish, cowardly,
    cruel, and filthy creatures.
[09:53] U
    Creatures that kept repeating their
    mistakes, caused much suffering,
[09:59] U
    and never stopped fearing me.
[10:03] U
    Creatures that I have killed over and over.
[10:11] U
    Creatures that I shall put an end to now...
[10:15] U
    No, creatures that are already done for.
[10:22] U
    Yes.
[10:24] U
    They should be done for by now.
[10:27] U
    The humanity I know
[10:30] U
    would've been afraid, given up, despaired,
[10:34] U
    and everything would've been over already.
[10:38] U
    But what is with these people?
[10:44] U
    What is this emotion I'm feeling?
[10:50] Nob
    You're right.
[10:53] Nob
    Humans are foolish, cowardly,
    and cruel creatures.
[10:59] Nob
    But there's one thing you're forgetting.
[11:07] Nob
    Humans are creatures that
    fight their own weakness.
[11:12] Gin
    The creatures you know
    of no longer exist here,
[11:17] Gin
    creature who fears humanity!
[11:22] U
    Fear? Me?
[11:27] U
    Fear humans?
[11:32] U
    No, that is wrong.
[11:35] U
    I simply don't understand
[11:38] U
    the human who caused me,
    who had always cursed people,
[11:41] U
    to give birth to another
    self that loved people.
[11:48] U
    Why?
[11:51] U
    You shouldn't be able to stand anymore.
[11:56] U
    Your sword should've been broken forever.
[12:03] U
    So why?
[12:14] U
    Why do you still stand there?
[12:28] U
    Why is it?
[12:37] U
    I don't understand.
[12:51] U
    I don't understand!
[13:07] U
    No, I knew all along.
[13:12] U
    That knowledge is what made
    me want to get rid of him.
[13:23] U
    Him, who could possibly erase even me.
[13:39] U
    I know all too well...
[13:44] U
    That boy,
[13:49] U
    and how powerful humanity can be.
[14:17] U
    To think that man was still a part of me...
[14:23] U
    A mere fragment born to me as
    I drifted through countless lives.
[14:29] U
    But he has destroyed my eternity.
[14:34] U
    I was the one who was a mere fragment, huh?
[14:50] Hat
    Brother!
[14:51] Mad
    Hang in there!
[14:54] Shi
    This is bad.
[14:55] Shi
    At this rate, the Flame of
    Kagutsuchi's energy will...
[14:58] Shi
    I-Is there nothing we can do?
[15:02] Han
    Now, I could get through the security,
    access the Heavenly Bird's central systems,
[15:07] Han
    and maybe get that energy under control.
[15:10] Sho
    Hankai!
[15:11] Shi
    Wh-What are our chances of success?
[15:14] Han
    You're better off not knowing.
[15:16] Han
    But as long as it's not zero
    percent, it isn't impossible.
[15:19] Han
    We still have hope.
[15:23] Sho
    I never thought I'd hear those
    words come out of your mouth.
[15:28] Sak
    No matter how it turns out,
[15:31] Sak
    our destination remains the same.
[15:33] Kat
    Earth or hell, it makes no difference.
[15:38] Shi
    You two...
[15:40] Sak
    Wherever it is, they...
[15:43] Kat
    They'll be standing there, waiting for us.
[16:10] Shin
    What is that?
[16:11] Kag
    A spaceship?
[16:14] U
    Humans.
[16:17] U
    This isn't the end.
[16:21] U
    You have gone and chosen...
[16:26] U
    An endless war,
[16:29] U
    and a life dyed in sorrow and suffering.
[16:36] U
    Nobody can put an end to it for you anymore.
[16:42] U
    There is nobody who can
    save you people anymore.
[16:55] U
    One day, you will truly understand,
[16:59] U
    Shoyo's student...
[17:07] U
    You couldn't save Shoyo.
[17:13] U
    Nobody can save your teacher anymore.
[21:46] Shin
    The land of the samurai.
[21:48] Shin
    There was a time, long ago, when our
    country was called by that name.
[21:52] Shin
    The skies over Edo, which the samurai
    laid their lives down to defend,
[21:56] Shin
    are again filled with ships
    from strange worlds.
[21:59] Shin
    The streets of Edo, which the samurai
    laid their lives down to defend,
[22:03] Shin
    are again filled with swaggering,
    arrogant aliens.
[22:13] Shin
    Two years since that fateful day...
[22:15] Shin
    Even as it bore the scars of war,
[22:18] Shin
    Edo was slowly, but surely, returning
    to the city it used to be.
[22:25] Manager
    I told you that's not the one!
[22:28] Manager
    Nowadays, even a golden retriever
    can handle the register!
[22:32] Manager
    You're human! You've been
    working here for a month!
[22:35] Manager
    Why can't you do this?!
[22:37] Manager
    You moron!
[22:40] Manager
    You remind me of another good-for-nothing
    kid who used to work here.
[22:44] Ama
    Just leave it at that, boss.
[22:47] Ama
    Hey, kid, don't you bother with the
    register. Just get me some milk.
[22:51] Kid
    R-Right away.
[22:54] Manager
    S-Sir, you mustn't go so easy on him.
[22:58] Ama
    It's just, whenever I see a samurai these
    days, I feel kind of sorry for them.
[23:04] Ama
    This country's resources were completely
    depleted in the war two years ago,
[23:07] Ama
    and it can't even feed its people anymore.
[23:10] Ama
    The way they suck up to everyone to live
    makes them look like dead men walking.
[23:15] Ama
    When I see them like that...
[23:17] Kid
    Thanks for waiting.
[23:20] Ama
    I want to extend not only
    a hand, but also a leg!
[23:28] Shin
    Uh, excuse me.
[23:36] Ama
    What is wrong with you?!
[23:37] Ama
    Are you aware that we are
    Chatoran ambassadors?!
[23:41] Shin
    Blah, blah, blah.
[23:43] Shin
    Could you keep it down?
[23:48] Shin
    Are you in heat or something?
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Next week onward,
SIGN    the story jumps to two years later...
SIGN    How have they survived since then,
SIGN    and what lives are they leading now...

E362 - Sign

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:04] Shin
    Uh, excuse me.
SIGN    Watch the Silver Soul arc in a bright
    room and at a safe distance from the TV!!!!!!!
[00:12] Ama
    What is wrong with you?!
[00:14] Shin
    Blah, blah, blah.
[00:17] Shin
    Could you keep it down?
[00:20] Shin
    Are you in heat or something?
[00:22] Shin
    I can't enjoy Terakado Tsu Best Of:
    Shinpachi Edition with all this noise.
[00:27] Shin
    You're being a nuisance. Get out at once.
[00:31] Shin
    I can't ignore boys like him.
[00:35] Shin
    Why?
[00:37] Shin
    Because I was him once.
[00:39] Shin
    So you can grow strong, too!
[00:42] Manager
    No fighting in my café, you pieces of shit!
[00:47] Manager
    Mosuke, you okay?
[00:48] Manager
    How dare you beat up my son?! He's finally
    got out of his room and started working!
[00:54] Manager
    I don't care if you're big shots on some planet!
[00:57] Manager
    This is our country! This is my café!
[01:00] Manager
    I won't let you act like you
    own the place anymore,
[01:02] Manager
    you stupid Spectacalien!
[01:04] Manager
    Out with you!
[01:06] Manager
    And don't ever come back!
[01:11] Ama
    Curse you, Earthling!
[01:13] Ama
    You'll pay for this!
    You've started a diplomatic dispute!
[01:16] Ama
    Let's go!
[01:26] Shin
    You've built a fine café, boss.
[01:31] Shin
    Huh?
[01:32] Shin
    That's weird. I can't see.
[01:34] Shin
    Are these tears of joy?
[01:37] Shin
    I should've known I couldn't do what he did.
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Silver Soul
[02:56] Shin
    What would he say if he saw
    what Edo has become now?
[03:01] Shin
    Everyone's grown stronger.
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[03:03] Shin
    Everyone's much tougher.
[03:09] Shin
    I'm the only one still whimpering
    just like always, Gin-san.
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
SIGN    Sign
[03:35] (Flashback) Kag
    Gin-chan, get on your feet already.
[03:37] (Flashback) Shin
    Gin-san!
[03:43] (Flashback) Gin
    I know.
[03:47] (Flashback) Gin
    This isn't the time or place to die.
[03:51] (Flashback) Gin
    Can't let this be the end.
[03:54] (Flashback) Gin
    We haven't done a single thing yet.
[04:02] Shin
    That day, we died along with Earth...
[04:19] Shin
    and were reborn together, maybe.
[04:26] (Flashback) Shin
    We won, but it sure doesn't look like it.
[04:29] (Flashback) Gin
    There are no victors in war.
[04:33] (Flashback) Gin
    Everyone's a loser.
[04:36] (Flashback) Gin
    Hup.
SIGN    Gin-chan
SIGN    Sugar Content
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[04:38] (Flashback) Gin
    Talk about a mess.
SIGN    Snack Otose
[04:41] (Flashback) Gin
    Can it go back to normal?
[04:44] (Flashback) Shin
    I don't know. Some things may,
[04:48] (Flashback) Shin
    but some things won't.
[05:00] (Flashback) Shin
    Ane-san and Mone-san said they
    don't know when he'll wake up.
[05:06] (Flashback) Kag
    Dog deities exist on every planet, right?
[05:10] (Flashback) Kag
    We might find a way to wake
    him up on another planet.
[05:15] (Flashback) Kag
    I've decided.
[05:17] (Flashback) Kag
    And I've talked to Daddy and the others, too.
[05:20] (Flashback) Shin
    Then we'll go with...
[05:21] (Flashback) Kag
    I'm not taking you.
[05:23] (Flashback) Kag
    I don't want the help of guys who abandon
    their broken-down planet to come with me.
[05:29] (Flashback) Shin
    Kagura-chan...
[05:34] (Flashback) Gin
    Do you know why I started Odd Jobs?
[05:39] (Flashback) Gin
    Long story short, it was
    because I had nothing to do.
[05:43] (Flashback) Gin
    There was nothing I wanted to do,
    so I decided to do anything.
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[05:48] (Flashback) Gin
    Messed up, right?
[05:50] (Flashback) Gin
    I'm amazed I came this far when
    I started it for such a flimsy reason.
[05:54] (Flashback) Gin
    As like-minded people gathered here,
[05:57] (Flashback) Gin
    I lost my chance to quit.
[06:00] (Flashback) Shin
    Where's this coming from?
[06:01] (Flashback) Shin
    You don't often talk about the past.
[06:04] (Flashback) Gin
    So I decided that if they ever found
    something they really needed to do,
[06:10] (Flashback) Gin
    I'd take down this sign and close up shop.
[06:16] (Flashback) Gin
    And I've found something I need to do, too.
[06:21] (Flashback) Gin
    Shinpachi, it's crunch time.
[06:24] (Flashback) Gin
    What do you want to do?
[06:27] (Flashback) Shin
    I...
[06:30] Kid
    Hey, hey!
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan Shimura Shinpachi
[06:32] Kid
    What's with this "Odd Jobs Gin-chan"?
[06:36] Kid
    I mean, your name's Shimura Shinpachi, right?
[06:39] Kid
    So what's with the Gin-chan?
[06:42] Shin
    He's gone now.
[06:46] Shin
    But...
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[06:48] Shin
    Without him, there wouldn't be an Odd Jobs...
[06:52] Shin
    Or today's Edo, probably.
[06:54] Shin
    And me.
[06:57] Shin
    So I want to make sure
    people don't forget him.
[07:02] Kid
    Wait, are you talking about the hero?
[07:06] Shin
    Nah, that's not his style.
[07:09] Kid
    My dad said the bakufu brass
    are trying to hog the glory,
[07:14] Kid
    but they're all fakes.
[07:16] Kid
    And that he was the one who protected us.
SIGN    Perofessional
SIGN    The Way of the Samurai
SIGN    The Last Samurai
[07:23] Nar
    Everyone thought that
    species had gone extinct.
[07:29] G
    If it weren't for him,
    the universe might've died out, right?
[07:33] G
    It was amazing.
[07:35] G
    One word from him was enough to get
    both allies and enemies on the same page.
[07:39] G
    This is what you call him
    on your planet, right?
[07:41] G
    The samurai "Man Against Dying All Out,"
[07:45] G
    or MADAO for short?
SIGN    Hasegawa Taizo
[07:48] Nar
    The camera takes a close look at the life
    of the last samurai, who saved Earth.
[07:53] Nar
    An army of millions attacked,
SIGN    Reenactment by the man himself
[07:56] Nar
    but he held them off all on his own.
[07:59] Nar
    That strength.
SIGN    Strength
[08:00] Nar
    Surrounded by enemies on all sides...
[08:02] Mad
    O-Ow! They're actually hitting me, Director!
[08:05] Nar
    But with one word, he won them over.
[08:07] Nar
    That charisma.
SIGN    Charisma
[08:10] Nar
    A massive piece of despair came flying
    toward us, but he took it on by himself.
[08:14] Nar
    That courage.
SIGN    Courage
[08:15] Mad
    Pull it up a bit higher!
SIGN    This is too heavy!
[08:17] Nar
    As we analyze his abilities,
[08:20] Nar
    we also take apart his shades.
[08:22] Mad
    Hey! What are you doing?!
[08:24] Mad
    "Hero"? "The Last Samurai"?
[08:27] Mad
    Honestly, none of them feel right.
[08:30] Mad
    I'm all of them and none
    of them at the same time.
[08:33] Mad
    I can be dyed in any color you want.
SIGN    Unemployment
[08:36] Mad
    That's unemployment.
SIGN    The Way of the Samurai Special
SIGN    Airing Soon
[08:37] Nar
    Perofessional: The Way of the
    Samurai Special, airing soon!
[08:42] Shin
    Sis, I'm home.
[08:45] Tae
    Oh, welcome back, Shin-chan.
[08:47] Tae
    I was just thinking it was time
    to kill the TV and get dinner.
[08:51] Shin
    Uh, that's how Frieza-sama kills things.
[08:55] Shin
    Let him have his fun.
[08:57] Shin
    Hasegawa-san did his best, too.
[08:59] Tae
    Shin-chan... We all worked
    together to protect Edo.
[09:04] Tae
    I can't and won't stand for
    anyone belittling our efforts.
[09:08] Tae
    Besides, I wanna sock him
    because he pisses me off.
[09:11] Shin
    What happened to our efforts?!
[09:13] Tae
    If I'm being subtle, I hate old men who
    dress like EXLE and don't act their age.
[09:21] Tae
    But I do like High & Low.
[09:22] Shin
    That was so unsubtle, the rising sun's
    shining through that thin veil!
[09:26] Tae
    Also, I've heard that he goes around
    partying for free, calling himself the hero.
[09:33] Shin
    Where'd you get that information, Sis?
[09:36] Shin
    Didn't you quit that lifestyle?
[09:39] Tae
    These two years didn't
    just give birth to heroes.
[09:42] Tae
    Where there is light,
    there is always a shadow.
[09:48] Shin
    Where'd those Zarbon-san and
    Dodoria-san cabaret girls come from?!
[09:51] Tae
    Carry out Plan Omega.
[09:53] Tae
    Bring judgment down
    upon the corrupted hero.
[09:57] Bo
    Whee!
[09:57] Shin
    Whee, my ass! What's with that
    hellish group of cabaret girls?!
[10:01] Kon
    Good grief.
[10:03] Kon
    I see the Queen of the Kabuki
    District is still alive and well.
[10:08] Shin
    Kondo-san.
[10:09] Kon
    Sorry I'm late. The hotpot is finally done.
[10:14] Shin
    Sorry to always make you do this.
[10:17] Kon
    Nah, it's fine.
[10:19] Kon
    I am going to be a stay-at-home
    dad soon, after all.
[10:22] Kon
    Besides, Otae-san needs a balanced
    and nutritious diet right now.
[10:27] Kon
    Worrying about the others is fine,
[10:30] Kon
    but you also need to think
    about your new path.
[10:35] Tae
    I-I know.
[10:37] Shin
    Hasegawa-san was a shocker,
    but you weren't far behind.
SIGN    Resignation
SIGN    Special Police
    Shinsengumi
[10:42] Kon
    I'd be lying if I said it was an easy decision.
[10:45] Kon
    But both roles, Shinsengumi and father,
    require you to stake your life on them.
[10:51] Kon
    I've lived my life for the sword so far,
[10:53] Kon
    and I want to live for family from now on.
[10:57] Shin
    Is that so?
[10:59] Shin
    Sorry, but I'm feeling a little sleepy.
[11:02] Shin
    You two eat without me.
[11:05] Kon
    Shinpachi-kun?
[11:07] Shin
    Everyone's walking down a new path in life.
[11:11] Shin
    But I alone...
SIGN    Snack Otose
[11:16] Oto
    Man, who would've thought those two
    would have a shotgun wedding?
[11:21] Oto
    We senior citizens don't even get
    any extra wrinkles at this point,
[11:25] Oto
    but the passage of time is terrifying.
[11:27] Cat
    What are you saying, Otose-san?
[11:30] Cat
    You do have extra wrinkles
    at the corners of your eyes.
[11:33] Cat
    That's hilarious!
[11:34] Shin
    Um, Catherine-san, did your face
    get run over by a time machine?
[11:38] Cat
    The passage of time isn't
    what's causing all this.
[11:42] Cat
    It's the final episode.
[11:45] Cat
    Lately, as the final episode draws near,
[11:48] Cat
    characters have suddenly
    started forming couples,
SIGN    Final Episode: Final Fantasy Phenomenon
    (Mating)
[11:51] Cat
    in what's called the Final Fantasy Phenomenon.
[11:54] Oto
    What the hell?
[11:55] Oto
    Will we be paired off with some randos, too?!
[12:00] Cat
    I'm so scared, I can't sleep!
[12:02] Shin
    Hey! Someone bring me a Delorean!
[12:04] Gen
    Shut up, you hags!
[12:06] Gen
    Instead of final fantasying with you two,
[12:09] Gen
    men would much rather dragon quest alone!
SIGN    Dragon Quest
    Appeasing the Pants Dragon
[12:11] Shin
    That's what DQ meant?!
[12:13] Cat
    Don't talk to us! What if that
    sets a flag, you geezer?!
[12:17] Oto
    But I was sure she was in love
    with Gintoki, you know.
[12:22] Shin
    Stop that! That's gross!
[12:23] Oto
    I wonder if she final fantasy'd after he
    treated her nicely when she was lonely.
[12:28] Cat
    Those final fantasies are the ones that
    tend to work out best, surprisingly.
[12:33] Oto
    They do say it's final fantasier
    for girls to be loved than love.
[12:37] Shin
    No, they don't!
[12:38] Shin
    You two just want to keep
    saying final fantasy, huh?
[12:41] Oto
    What's wrong with you?
    We're trying to cheer you up here!
[12:43] Oto
    Then show us the wedding photos.
[12:46] Oto
    Show us the photos of the
    gorilla and female gorilla.
[12:49] Oto
    Show the goods!
[12:51] CaT
    Show the goods!
[12:53] Shin
    Here.
[12:57] Oto
    Otae sure has grown in size in the
    short while I haven't seen her.
[13:00] Shin
    That's a gorilla.
[13:02] Cat
    But over here...
[13:03] Shin
    That's a gorilla.
[13:05] Shin
    It was a political marriage.
[13:07] Shin
    He's been cooking for us to get some
    househusband training as part of his stalking.
[13:13] Shin
    And it was surprisingly good.
[13:15] Shin
    She gained tons of weight.
[13:17] Shin
    But she still couldn't stop.
[13:19] Shin
    It was a samurai's mercy.
[13:21] Shin
    Flags and foreshadowing don't matter.
[13:24] Shin
    Neither do species, age gap, gender,
    or whether you recognize them or not.
[13:30] Shin
    That's the Gintama anime's final fantasy.
[13:35] Tam
    I finally found you.
[13:37] Tam
    I've been looking all over.
[13:42] Tam
    Papa!
[13:44] Shin
    It's happening!
[13:46] Shin
    Final fantasy has bared its fangs at me, too!
[13:58] Tam
    Papa!
[14:00] Oto
    Sh-Shinpachi...
[14:02] Cat
    Don't tell me you...
[14:04] Shin
    You've got it all wrong!
[14:05] Shin
    This is a trap that final fantasy's
    trying to stick me in!
[14:08] Cat
    Don't play dumb!
    You're the one who stuck it in!
[14:11] Shin
    T-To begin with, isn't it weird that I'd
    have a kid this old in just two years?
[14:16] Tam
    Weird?
[14:17] Tam
    Am I weird, Papa?
[14:19] Tam
    Is that why you can't be my papa?
[14:23] Shin
    Uh, th-that's not it!
[14:25] Cat
    You're the worst!
[14:26] Shin
    Again, you're wrong!
[14:27] Cat
    Give us proof, then! Prove your innocence!
[14:31] Shin
    Uh, well...
[14:35] Shin
    I'm a virgin.
[14:38] Shin
    I gradually changed my hair part so
    people wouldn't notice my new look,
[14:43] Shin
    but my lower half is still drinking Ramune
    at a candy store with a crew cut.
[14:47] Oto
    Yeah, we knew.
[14:48] Shin
    Then why'd you make me say it?!
[14:49] Cat
    It pissed us off that you're side-parting
    your hair as a cherry boy.
[14:52] Shin
    Fine! I'll get a crew cut up here too, then!
[14:55] Tam
    Mama! This guy's a cherry!
[14:58] Shin
    Hey! Even a child knows my dirty secret now!
[15:01] Tam
    Hey, Mama. What's a cherry?
[15:04] Kin
    A cherry is one who's abandoned
    their duty to propagate.
[15:10] Kin
    A piece of junk, in other words.
[15:11] Kin
    Add that to your data.
[15:14] Kin
    And as I keep telling you,
    this isn't your Mama.
[15:17] Kin
    She's you. Add that, too.
[15:20] Tam
    Understood.
[15:22] Shin
    Tama-san... Kin-san...
[15:24] Gen
    Oh, there you are.
[15:27] Gen
    The Fuyo Number Zero's mini
    version, AKA Tamako.
[15:30] Gen
    She contains a part of Tama,
    which I copied into her.
[15:34] Gen
    Everything she sees while Tama's in sleep
    mode will become Tama's memories.
[15:39] Shin
    So Tama-san's been that way since then?
[15:42] Gen
    Yeah.
[15:43] Gen
    I mean, she's a special model built by the
    robotics science genius, Hayashi Ryuzan.
[15:48] Gen
    I can't tell just which screws
    she's missing or what.
[15:52] Gen
    But I just don't have the
    heart to leave her like this.
[15:57] Shin
    Gengai-san...
[15:58] Gen
    We're still better off than most, you know.
[16:02] Gen
    After all, Edo still has Odd Jobs
    to help in times of need.
[16:10] Shin
    I still ended up having to walk around*
    looking like a real father.
[16:15] Shin
    Anyway, what does Gengai-san want from me?
[16:17] Tam
    To show me all sorts of things while Fuyo
    Number Zero is asleep, Papa-sama.
[16:23] Shin
    Don't call me Papa-sama.
[16:25] Tam
    I apologize for earlier.
[16:27] Tam
    That was a plan to leech
    free oil from you people
[16:31] Tam
    upon Kintoki-sama's suggestion, Cherry-sama.
[16:34] Shin
    Could you not call me Cherry?!
[16:36] Tam
    But he also said that you would
    definitely take on this request.
[16:41] (Flashback) Kin
    After all, the Odd Jobs is a group of perverts
    who always keep one loli around.
[16:46] Shin
    What the hell does he see Odd Jobs as?!
[16:49] Tam
    But despite bashing you people, everyone
    sounds somewhat lonely doing it...
[16:55] Tam
    I heard you disbanded. What was the reason?
[16:59] Shin
    Add this to your data:
[17:00] Shin
    One does not ask questions like that to
    someone they've met for the first time.
[17:04] Tam
    Then what are the chances of
    Odd Jobs making a comeback?
[17:07] Shin
    Were you listening to me?
[17:10] Shin
    None, probably.
[17:12] Tam
    Why is that?
[17:14] Shin
    Because they found other
    things they needed to do.
[17:17] Tam
    Did you stay back in Edo because
    you didn't have anything like that?
[17:25] (Flashback) Gin
    Shinpachi,
[17:27] (Flashback) Gin
    is there anything you want to do?
[17:32] Shin
    I had something.
[17:33] Shin
    Helping rebuild the town,
[17:36] Shin
    swordsmanship training,
[17:37] Shin
    Otsu-chan fanclub activities,
[17:40] Shin
    and...
[17:42] (Flashback) Shin
    Bring back Father's dojo!
[17:44] (Flashback) Gin
    Wow, you've got a bunch.
[17:47] (Flashback) Shin
    Yes, so I'll be fine.
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[17:52] (Flashback) Shin
    You can go.
[18:11] (Flashback) Gin
    Later.
[18:19] Shin
    I had lots of things
    I needed and wanted to do,
[18:26] Shin
    so why am I stuck doing this?
[18:33] Cop
    You there.
[18:34] Cop
    Do you have a moment?
[18:37] Cop
    Are you two siblings?
[18:39] Shin
    Well, no, we're kinda like friends.
[18:42] Cop
    Hmm...
[18:43] Cop
    Could you breathe into this, please?
[18:45] Shin
    Huh? I haven't been drinking, though.
[18:50] Cop
    Ah, you're over the legal limit.
[18:53] Cop
    See it?
[18:54] Cop
    When the reading goes past this point,
[18:57] Cop
    you're a virgin.
[18:58] Shin
    What are you even checking?!
[19:00] Cop
    Put under arrest at 1:20 PM
    for illegal loli possession.
[19:03] Shin
    Wait! You've gotta be kidding me!
[19:06] Shin
    Somebody help!
[19:08] Nob
    Hold it.
[19:13] Nob
    Do you realize who that is?
[19:17] Cops
    C-Commissioner-General!
[19:19] Shin
    Commissioner?
[19:21] Nob
    He's one of the heroes
    who saved this country.
[19:24] Nob
    Not someone you rookies can punish.
[19:32] Nob
    You can either commit seppuku
[19:34] Nob
    or get cut to pieces by the
    Commissioner-General of Police, Imai Nobume.
[19:38] Nob
    Make your choice, lolicon trash.
[19:43] Soyo
    While we've entered a new age,
    Edo is still beholden to old conventions.
[19:49] Soyo
    I want to make the coming era one where
    women can be independent and shine.
[19:56] Soyo
    And by becoming the first
    female Commissioner-General,
[20:00] Soyo
    Nobume-san is laying the foundation for that.
[20:04] Soyo
    What do you think, Shinpachi-san?
[20:05] Soyo
    The new government's police force
    seems trustworthy, does it not?
[20:08] Shin
    Princess Soyo, may I say something?
[20:11] Shin
    I really want to call 911 right now.
[20:16] Soyo
    Um, I don't understand what you're saying.
[20:19] Shin
    Isn't it obvious, you natural-born sadist?!
[20:22] Nob
    Tamako gave me the gist of the story.
[20:24] Nob
    As a token of apology,
[20:25] Nob
    I've hired Odd Jobs to clean the windows.
[20:28] Shin
    This disaster's supposed to be an apology?!
[20:30] Shin
    And all that aside, Nobume-san,
[20:31] Shin
    I thought you weren't the kind
    of person who'd cling to power!
[20:34] Nob
    I have no interest in power,
[20:36] Nob
    but I can't leave the princess alone.
[20:39] Shin
    But look at you, enjoying that power!
[20:42] Nob
    While Utsuro's plan was foiled,
[20:44] Nob
    the bakufu's old, wily foxes are still around.
[20:48] Nob
    One misstep, and this country
    will start crumbling down again.
[20:51] Nob
    The princess really needs a sneaky,
    twisted advisor right now.
[20:57] Nob
    I'll deal with this uncomfortable
    chair for a while.
[21:01] Soyo
    Thank you, Nobume-san.
[21:04] Shin
    Uh, what happened to the Shinsengumi?
[21:08] Shin
    Weren't they the ones on track
    to climb the ladder first?
[21:11] Mat
    True.
[21:13] Mat
    Their swords did carve open
    a path to this new era.
[21:16] Mat
    But swords that are too sharp
[21:19] Mat
    are always scorned in times of peace.
[21:22] Shin
    Lord Matsudaira!
[21:26] Shin
    What is this?
[21:27] Mat
    A summary of the new government's
    orders for the Shinsengumi.
SIGN    Hijikata Toshiro
[21:33] Shin
    Hijikata Toshiro...
[21:35] Shin
    Demoted?!
SIGN    Saito Shimaru
[21:36] Shin
    Saito Shimaru...
[21:38] Shin
    Resigned?!
SIGN    Okita Sogo
[21:40] Shin
    Okita Sogo...
[21:42] Shin
    Seppuku?!
[21:44] Mat
    It's ironic.
[21:47] Mat
    The Shinsengumi was cast aside by the
    terrifying man chosen by this new age.
SIGN    Live Assembly Broadcast
SIGN    Live Assembly Broadcast
[21:54] Mat
    He suddenly showed up in the political world,
SIGN    Introductory Speech by the Prime Minister
[21:56] Mat
    gained immense power in the blink of an eye,
[21:59] Mat
    and went on to change politics itself!
[22:04] Speaker
    It's time for the opening comments by the
    first prime minister, Donald Zuramp-kun.
[22:09] Kat
    I'm not Zuramp!
[22:11] Kat
    I'm Katsura!
[22:14] Shin
    Oh, this country's doomed.
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
[23:49] Gin
    I don't remember anything
    like that ever being here.
SIGN    Specter
SIGN    Zuramp was appointed the first-ever prime minister!!
SIGN    Among serious concern for the country's future,
SIGN    Gintoki, who has left Edo,
SIGN    arrives at a certain place...

E363 - Specter

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Silver Soul
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
SIGN    Specter
[01:39] G
    It's time for the opening comments by the
    first prime minister, Donald Zuramp-kun.
SIGN    Watch the Silver Soul arc in a bright
    room and at a safe distance from the TV!!!!!!!
[01:44] Kat
    I'm not Zuramp!
[01:46] Kat
    I'm Katsura!
[01:50] Kat
    Oh, my mistake.
[01:52] Kat
    I meant that not in the sense
    of a name, but as in a wig.
[01:57] Kat
    I wanted to go public with it before
    Bunshun caught wind of it.
[02:01] Kat
    I am the first prime minister
    of Japan, Donald Zuramp.
[02:06] Kat
    I stand here and speak as
    your representative today,
[02:09] Kat
    but I'm just an ordinary human who
    eats, poops, and sleeps like you all.
[02:15] Kat
    We stand at the precipice of a new era.
[02:19] Kat
    Our last two shoguns once said,
[02:23] Kat
    "Our country no longer needs a shogun."
[02:25] Kat
    And indeed, from now on,
    every person in this country
[02:30] Kat
    will be a tiny king standing on this podium.
[02:34] Kat
    We cannot waste what they protected
    until their dying breaths.
[02:39] Kat
    Within each and every one's hearts, they...
[02:42] Kat
    Our kings still live on!
[02:45] Kat
    When the countless kings across the
    country join hands and become one,
[02:49] Kat
    our sad past will turn into
    a source of pride for us!
[02:52] Kat
    That wasn't the day our country
    was reduced to rubble!
[02:56] Kat
    It was the day our country was reborn!
[03:04] G
    Hey, look!
[03:05] G
    No!
[03:09] G
    You're a crook warping the history books.
[03:11] G
    This is divine punishment!
[03:13] Kat
    Given that, I would like to
    establish some new rules.
SIGN    Constitution of Japan
[03:18] Kat
    And by that, I mean a constitution.
SIGN    Constitution of Japan
[03:22] Kat
    We'll be working on it together from now on,
[03:24] Kat
    but I've already put down the basic stuff.
[03:27] Kat
    It'll be distributed as a supplement
    with Jump, Sunday, and Magazine.
[03:28] G
    Didn't he get stabbed just now?
[03:29] G
    I'm pretty sure he did.
[03:29] Kat
    Make sure you all check it out.
[03:31] G
    Was that an assassin?
[03:32] G
    Donald Zuramp!
[03:34] G
    Divine judgment upon the
    con man ruining this country!
[03:39] Kat
    The journey we're about to
    start will be endlessly long!
[03:43] Kat
    But if we all work together,
    we will definitely reach our goals!
[03:49] Kat
    So please, everyone...
[03:57] Kat
    I'm not going to reject you or your beliefs.
[04:00] Kat
    However, true divine punishment
    is much harsher.
[04:07] Kat
    You're fired!
[04:12] Mat
    I see. So it ended in failure.
[04:15] Mat
    Don't worry about it.
    We'll have plenty more chances.
[04:20] Mat
    Well, there you have it.
[04:22] Shin
    Uh, were you just orchestrating an
    assassination of the prime minister?
[04:25] Mat
    What kind of moron entrusts the
    country to an ex-terrorist?
[04:29] Shin
    But don't you kind of owe him your life?
[04:32] Shin
    Back when you were imprisoned
    on Kokujo Island...
[04:35] (Flashback) Kat
    I hope you understand what
    this means, Matsudaira.
[04:38] (Flashback) Kat
    What I'm trying to open here
    is the door to a new era.
[04:43] (Flashback) Kat
    If we escape this island and eventually
    reach a stage where we rebuild the nation...
[04:50] (Flashback) Mat
    Okay, okay. I'll talk you up to the bakufu
    or the new government or whatever.
[04:56] (Flashback) Mat
    If we're still alive.
    Only if we're still alive.
[05:01] Mat
    I was sure he'd die at some point.
[05:05] Shin
    Wait, you're the one who brought that
    monster prime minister into power?!
[05:08] Shin
    It's basically your fault the
    Shinsengumi was dismantled!
[05:12] Mat
    On that note...
[05:14] Mat
    Have you ever killed a man?
[05:17] Shin
    Like hell I'd do it!
[05:18] Shin
    What the hell are you trying
    to make me an accomplice in?!
[05:21] Mat
    You only have two options:
SIGN    Kill
[05:23] Mat
    Kill, or take a life.
SIGN    Take a life
[05:25] Shin
    They're both murder!
[05:27] Soy
    Katakuriko, that's enough.
[05:31] Soy
    I see he still remembers.
[05:35] Soy
    "Our kings still live on," huh?
[05:40] Soy
    Right.
[05:41] Soy
    I'm sure he'll build a wonderful country.
[05:45] Soy
    Just you watch.
[05:51] Sak
    I see. Zura's the prime minister?
[05:54] Sak
    Looks like Edo's goin' ta become
    an even more fun place now!
[05:58] Shin
    It's no laughing matter, Sakamoto-san.
[06:01] Tam
    I'll add this to my data:
[06:03] Tam
    "Shinpachi-sama quit Odd Jobs
[06:06] Tam
    and switched to being an assassin."
[06:07] Shin
    Quit saying such disturbing things!
[06:09] Shin
    I'll dismantle you!
[06:10] Tam
    But you already took the money
    and came to the meeting place.
[06:15] Shin
    I-I'm here to stop them, obviously!
[06:17] (Flashback) Mat
    The princess is saying that,
    but I've already made preparations.
[06:21] (Flashback) Mat
    I arranged for a dangerous weapon
    and a first-rate assassin.
[06:25] (Flashback) Mat
    Go to the pier, receive the weapon
    from the black market dealer,
[06:28] (Flashback) Mat
    and meet up with the rest of the team.
[06:30] Shin
    Help me out here, Sakamoto-san!
[06:33] Shin
    You're the only one who can stop Katsura-san!
[06:36] Sak
    Unfortunately, I'm a bit occupied right now.
[06:40] Sak
    I'm on this ship called Espoir,
[06:43] Sak
    walkin' across an iron beam
    to try to win a fortune.
[06:46] Shin
    So you're bankrupt?!
[06:48] Sak
    Help me out here, Shinpachi-kun.
[06:50] Sak
    You're the only one who can save me...
[06:53] Shin
    I'm the one calling for help!
[06:55] Sak
    Fine. I'll send some help your way.
[06:59] Sak
    I'm pretty sure Mutsu is
    on Earth for some wor—
[07:05] Tam
    I'll add this to my data:
[07:07] Tam
    Kaientai Captain Sakamoto Tatsuma, dead.
[07:10] Shin
    Don't jinx him!
[07:12] BMD
    Hey.
[07:14] BMD
    You the recipient for the goods?
[07:19] Shin
    The dealer?
[07:20] Shin
    N-No, I'm...
[07:21] Tam
    Yes. From murder to arms smuggling,
    Odd Jobs will do everything.
[07:25] Shin
    Hey!
[07:26] Tam
    Did I say something wrong?
[07:29] Shin
    I told you, I'm here to stop the plot!
[07:29] BMD
    Boss, they're arguing about something.
[07:31] Mut
    Doesn't matter.
[07:32] Mut
    Just hand over the goods and grab the money.
[07:35] Mut
    That's what we do as black market dealers.
[07:38] Shin
    It was you?!
[07:42] Shin
    How can this be?
[07:44] Shin
    I never dreamed you'd be a
    black market dealer, Mutsu-san.
[07:46] Mut
    In the battle two years ago,
[07:48] Mut
    we Kaientai lost most of our ships.
[07:53] Mut
    That moron tried to recover those losses
[07:55] Mut
    by investing the money we
    had left in cryptocurrency.
[07:59] Mut
    As you'd expect, he lost it
    all and left us flat broke.
[08:03] Mut
    To bring the Kaientai back, we all
    decided to raise funds separately.
[08:07] Shin
    Forget it! He's never coming back from that!
[08:11] Mut
    I've gone back to my roots and am
    dabbling in some rather gray trade.
[08:16] Shin
    You have the skull and crossbones
    right on your cape, though!
[08:18] Shin
    What you're doing is nearly pitch-black!
[08:23] Mut
    Take it and go.
[08:24] Mut
    We got our hands on the
    ultimate weapon as ordered.
[08:29] Shin
    Wh-What is this?
[08:36] ???
    Don't show me something so
    disgusting as soon as I wake up.
[08:42] Mut
    As far as I know, this
    is the ultimate weapon.
[08:46] Mut
    Member of the universe's mightiest warrior
    race, daughter of its best alien hunter,
[08:51] Mut
    and also the kid sister of
    its most notorious pirate,
[08:54] Mut
    Kagura...
[08:56] ???
    Huh... So this is Earth, Mommy's other home?
[09:02] Mut
    Kagura's daughter,
[09:05] Mut
    Kanna.
[09:08] Shin
    The Final Fantasy Phenomenon is still going?!
[10:07] Gin
    That's weird.
[10:09] Gin
    I don't remember there
    being a grave out here.
[10:13] Gin
    And I don't remember it being a place where
    weird ghosts appeared in broad daylight.
[10:19] Tak
    Unfortunately, I went and made a promise
[10:24] Tak
    that I'd bring him back here for sure.
[10:27] Gin
    Then hurry up and pass on.
[10:29] Gin
    You finished what you came for, right?
[10:33] Tak
    Finished?
[10:42] Tak
    Only a specter can grab
    another specter's hand.
[10:47] Tak
    Would you like to hop over to this side, too?
[10:52] Gin
    Takasugi, you...
[10:56] G
    You must be Takasugi
    Shinsuke, the wanted man!
[10:58] G
    Quietly turn yourself in!
[11:04] Gin
    Takasugi!
[11:08] G
    Are you Takasugi's friend?
[11:10] Gin
    Is that what it looked like?
[11:15] Hij
    Leave it at that.
[11:18] Hij
    It's been a while since we've
    caught such promising prey.
[11:22] Hij
    I'm getting excited.
[11:26] Hij
    The savior of Earth, meeting up with
    an old buddy and plotting evil?
[11:28] Sign
    Questioning
[11:31] Gin
    Listen to me!
[11:32] Gin
    I told you, we were just
    conspiring to destroy Earth!
[11:37] Hij
    You're supposed to make some excuse!
[11:39] Hij
    You should be trying to
    prove your innocence here!
[11:41] Hij
    Like you'd have the balls
    to destroy Earth, anyway!
[11:44] Gin
    If you know that, then
    don't ask me to begin with!
[11:47] Hij
    Again, come up with some excuse!
[11:49] Gin
    Let's make it quick.
[11:50] Gin
    I can't be bothered making excuses anymore.
[11:53] Gin
    I bet you'll take your demotion out on
    me by torturing and then executing me.
[11:57] Hij
    Who got demoted?
[11:59] Gin
    Then why're you doing this
    out here in the boonies?
[12:03] Gin
    Well, if you don't wanna talk, that's fine.
[12:06] Gin
    We have all the time in the world.
[12:08] Gin
    Hey, get us two katsudons.
[12:11] Gin
    One covered in mayonnaise.
[12:13] ???
    Roger.
[12:14] Hij
    Why are you making it look like
    I'm the one being questioned?
[12:17] Gin
    If you wanna make someone talk,
    you've gotta first spill it all yourself.
[12:21] Gin
    Give me everything you've got, Toshi.
[12:23] Hij
    Who do you think you are? What's
    with that stern-yet-caring gaze?!
[12:31] Hij
    The Shinsengumi have just split
    up temporarily for reasons.
[12:36] Gin
    Oh, really?
[12:41] Hij
    After abandoning Edo and Odd Jobs
    and disappearing for two years,
[12:45] Hij
    I was wondering how you
    could face yourself in life,
[12:50] Hij
    but this is just stupid.
[12:51] Hij
    It's the same old stupid face
    I'd grown tired of seeing.
[12:56] Hij
    Did you know?
[12:58] Hij
    On that day two years ago,
[13:00] Hij
    Takasugi's group wasn't the only one
    that vanished from the Heavenly Bird.
[13:03] Hij
    There was one other entity.
[13:06] Hij
    The Tendoshu.
[13:09] Hij
    At a glance, they were just lumps of meat,
[13:11] Hij
    but it seems Utsuro's blood
    still remained within them.
[13:17] Hij
    And lately, out in space,
[13:20] Hij
    there've been frequent terrorist attacks
    in countries that nationalized Altana.
[13:24] Hij
    Rumors are spreading that
    the Tendoshu have revived
[13:28] Hij
    and have returned to take back
    the Altana they lost.
[13:31] Gin
    And you're saying he was behind it all?
[13:34] Hij
    No, I can't say anything for sure.
[13:37] Gin
    He covered his hands in blood to overturn
    the world the Tendoshu and Utsuro created.
[13:43] Hij
    But...
[13:45] Hij
    He was never picky about the
    means to his ends, either, was he?
[13:50] Hij
    What if, just like you did when you
    cast aside Odd Jobs and left,
[13:53] Hij
    he had something he had to do, too?
[13:57] Gin
    It's not like I had some big reason.
[14:01] ???
    If you don't talk, we'll be forced
    to arrest you as a prime suspect.
[14:07] ???
    Is that what you want?
[14:08] Gin
    It'd be a great help, getting
    a place to sleep for free.
[14:11] ???
    Hijikata-san,
[14:12] ???
    it seems that further questioning
    would be a waste of time.
[14:15] Hij
    Yeah.
[14:17] Hij
    But first, there's something I want to ask.
[14:21] Hij
    Who are you?
[14:24] Hij
    You joined in like it was
    nothing, but who are you?
[14:27] ???
    Just a mob character.
[14:29] Hij
    But you stand out too much for that.
[14:31] Hij
    Could you be Robo—
[14:32] ???
    I'm Mobcop.
[14:33] Hij
    What the hell is a Mobcop?
[14:34] Mob
    Pardon the late introduction.
[14:36] Mob
    I'm actually Metal Constable 001,
    introduced by the new government.
[14:41] Mob
    Today is my first day on the job.
[14:43] Hij
    Look, you stand out too
    much for a mob character!
[14:46] Hij
    Could you shut up? You're
    distracting from the topic.
[14:49] Mob
    Oh, I'm sorry. I got too worked up.
[14:54] Hij
    Odd Jobs, you're free
    to keep your mouth shut,
[14:58] Hij
    but there's a chance you could
    hurt Edo with that choice.
[15:03] Hij
    Is that okay with you?
[15:05] Hij
    Is that all Edo means to you these days?
[15:10] Hij
    Or what is it?
[15:12] Hij
    Do you believe...
[15:15] Hij
    Too distracting!
[15:17] Hij
    What have you been dropping over there?!
[15:20] Mob
    I was just making katsudon.
[15:21] Hij
    Where the hell are you
    dumping the cutlets from?!
[15:24] Mob
    I'm sorry. I'll spew out some
    mayonnaise right away, too.
[15:26] Hij
    Don't want it!
[15:27] Hij
    And why's more than half your
    body made up of cooking tools?!
[15:31] Hij
    I'm telling you, you stand out too much!
[15:32] Hij
    Nobody can focus with you in the frame!
[15:35] Hij
    If you're a mob character, act like one!
[15:37] Mob
    How about just letting me handle
    this investigation, then?
[15:41] Hij
    Huh?
[15:42] Mob
    I've been coded with a wealth of knowledge
    amassed by the police over time.
[15:46] Mob
    Winning over a man like him
    would be a piece of cake for me.
[15:49] Hij
    That's some big talk, little man.
[15:52] Mob
    Hey, you!
[15:53] Mob
    Think about your mum back home!
[15:56] Hij
    That's too cliched.
[15:58] Hij
    Like you could win over this
    punk with such sentimental crap.
[16:01] Mob
    Do you want to make your mum sad?
[16:05] Mob
    If I use the weapon I've been equipped with,
[16:08] Mob
    your mum and the three-kilometer area
    around her will be reduced to embers.
[16:11] Hij
    I didn't see that threat coming!
[16:13] Gun
    I hate to break it to ya, but I don't
    even know if I still have a mum.
[16:17] Gun
    What about you, though?
[16:18] Gun
    How could you turn the body your parents
    gave you into something so metallic?
[16:22] Gun
    They must be so sad.
[16:25] Mob
    Don't be silly.
[16:26] Mob
    There isn't anyone who would
    be saddened over this Mobcop.
[16:30] Mob
    Is that really true, though?
[16:32] Mob
    I have no memories of my
    life before my remodeling.
[16:35] Hij
    Hey! Why's a mob character
    entering a flashback?!
[16:38] Mob
    But from what I've heard,
[16:40] Mob
    I got into an accident and
    was in critical condition
[16:42] Mob
    when I offered my body up as
    a test subject for Mobcop.
[16:46] Hij
    Nobody cares about you!
[16:49] Mob
    Was there nobody saddened by that?
[16:54] Mob
    No, wait. The fact that nobody's
    looking for me tells the whole story.
[16:59] Mob
    I've been forgotten by one and all.
[17:02] Mob
    And I forgot everything so
    I wouldn't remember that!
[17:06] Hij
    What's the point of you spilling your guts?
[17:09] Gin
    Someone who didn't have anybody to
    sadden would never shed those things.
[17:14] Gin
    Even if your memories are gone,
    your body still remembers
[17:18] Gin
    that you once had people dear to you,
    people you would shed tears over.
[17:23] Gin
    They just haven't recognized
    you in your changed state.
[17:28] Gin
    If you put your name out there,
    they'll surely come running to you.
[17:32] Mob
    R-Really?
[17:33] Hij
    Hey, who are we questioning here?
[17:36] Gin
    Yeah.
[17:37] Gin
    So don't fear. Remember.
[17:39] Gin
    Who are you?
[17:41] Gin
    Were you plotting evil with Takasugi?
[17:44] Hij
    Don't try to frame him for your crimes!
[17:50] Mob
    I think I'm starting to remember!
    It's at the tip of my helmet!
[17:55] Mob
    My ID! Where's my ID?!
[17:57] Gin
    Your ID?
[17:58] Mob
    The only lead to my past life!
[18:00] Mob
    My police ID still had my photo...
[18:09] Hij
    Oh...
[18:09] Gin
    Oh...
[18:13] Hij
    I forgot about him.
[18:13] Gin
    I forgot about him.
[18:14] Ymz
    Are you kidding me?!
[18:18] Ymz
    I remember now.
[18:22] Ymz
    Thanks to you guys forgetting about
    me, I've got this cool body now!
[18:27] Ymz
    And my real body is being treated, put up
    for display in briefs that have skid marks!
[18:35] Gin
    Wait, hold up! We didn't forget you!
[18:39] Gin
    We've just been busy since then,
[18:41] Gin
    so we forgot—er, put you
    on the back burner for a bit!
[18:45] Hij
    We remembered him, right?
[18:46] Gin
    Totally remembered him!
[18:47] Gin
    I'm so glad to see you're
    doing well, uh, er...
[18:53] Gin
    Shibasaki-kun?
[18:54] Ymz
    So you did forget!
[19:00] Hij
    Why, you little!
[19:03] Gin
    You guys are still the same, too.
[19:08] Gin
    What about them?
[19:10] Gin
    Are the Odd Jobs guys doing all right?
[19:14] Hij
    Go see for yourself!
[19:21] G
    After him!
[19:24] Hij
    That moron!
[19:30] Mut
    Well, it's in your hands now.
[19:33] Tam
    Shinpachi-sama.
[19:35] Tam
    Shinpachi-sama?
[19:36] Tam
    Shinpachi-sama!
[19:38] Kan
    Hey, what're you doing?
[19:40] Kan
    I wanna hurry up and explore Edo, 'kay?
[19:42] Kan
    Can I go on ahead?
[19:44] Tam
    I'm sorry. Something's
    wrong with Shinpachi-sama.
[19:47] Tam
    Hey!
[19:48] Kan
    That probably won't help.
[19:51] Kan
    He dropped this earlier.
[19:54] Kan
    Mommy told me that there are creatures on
    Earth whose glasses are their real body.
[20:00] Shin
    Wait, who the hell is your mommy?!
[20:04] Kan
    See?
[20:05] Shin
    Th-That was close!
[20:07] Shin
    My heart and straight man
    routine had stopped.
[20:10] Shin
    Wh-What's going on?
[20:11] Shin
    Kagura-chan's daughter?
[20:13] Shin
    Th-That can't be.
[20:14] Shin
    You won't trick me anymore, Final Fantasy!
[20:17] Kan
    You're Pachi-boy, Mommy's lackey, right?
[20:20] Shin
    Who're you calling a lackey?!
[20:22] Kan
    I've heard all about it.
[20:23] Kan
    About how there are a bunch of base
    lifeforms on Earth that I've never seen.
[20:28] Shin
    So all you heard was bitching?!
[20:29] Shin
    J-Just drop it already!
[20:31] Shin
    There's no way you can be Kagura-chan's kid!
[20:33] Shin
    She was only 14 back then!
[20:35] Shin
    Even now, she's only 16!
[20:37] Shin
    Sh-She'd never do something so dirty!
[20:40] Shin
    Neither I nor Jump will ever accept it!
[20:42] Kan
    Dirty? Is having a kid a dirty thing?
[20:45] Kan
    What about it is dirty?
[20:47] Shin
    Well, uh... Please stop looking
    at me with stars in your eyes.
[20:52] Shin
    Wh-Who's your father, then?
[20:54] Kan
    A banana.
[20:56] Shin
    That's not what I meant.
[20:58] Shin
    Um, whose banana?
[21:03] Kan
    When she ate too many bananas and
    puked, I came out, apparently.
[21:07] Shin
    She gave birth like King Piccolo?!
[21:09] Shin
    Is that how it goes for Yato?!
[21:11] Kan
    Nah, she said it was a technique
    she was taught on some planet.
[21:15] Kan
    Apparently, it's more like
    cloning than giving birth.
[21:17] Shin
    That's not the kind of move
    a heroine should learn!
[21:22] Shin
    Then you are...
[21:25] Shin
    Has Kagura-chan been well?
[21:27] Shin
    And Sadaharu?
[21:29] ???
    What's this?
[21:32] ???
    I asked for a weapon to kill
    the prime minister with,
[21:36] ???
    not something else for me to kill.
[21:37] Shin
    That's...
[21:39] (Flashback) Mat
    I arranged for a first-rate assassin.
[21:46] ???
    Hey.
[21:49] ???
    I'll let you guys check the
    contents of those boxes.
[21:53] ???
    Leave this to me.
[22:01] ???
    You can't tell if a weapon's
    any good until you use it.
[22:05] ???
    Show me...
[22:07] ???
    what you've done these
    past two years, Odd Jobs!
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Preview
[23:44] Gin
    In reality, that's probably the right answer.
[23:47] Tak
    I'm always prepared to look back.
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
SIGN    Two in Girl Years
     Is Equal to Ten in Man Years
SIGN    Old buddies have changed drastically
SIGN    in every way over these two years.
SIGN    Wandering alone after leaving Odd Jobs,
SIGN    how does Gintoki feel right now?

E364 - Two in Girl Years Is Equal to Ten in Man Years

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Watch the Silver Soul arc in a bright
    room and at a safe distance from the TV!!!!!!!
[00:05] Mut
    Take it and go.
[00:06] Mut
    We got our hands on the
    ultimate weapon as ordered.
[00:12] Mut
    As far as I know, this
    is the ultimate weapon.
[00:16] ???
    Huh... So this is Earth, Mommy's other home?
[00:22] Mut
    Kagura's daughter,
[00:25] Mut
    Kanna.
[00:26] Gin
    That's weird.
[00:28] Gin
    I don't remember there
    being a grave out here.
[00:35] Tak
    Only a specter can grab
    another specter's hand.
[00:40] Tak
    Would you like to hop over to this side, too?
[00:44] ???
    What's this?
[00:46] ???
    I asked for a weapon to kill
    the prime minister with,
[00:50] ???
    not something else for me to kill.
[00:58] ???
    You can't tell if a weapon's
    any good until you use it.
[01:02] ???
    Show me, Odd Jobs...
[01:04] ???
    what you've done these
    past two years!
[01:06] Shin
    O-Okita-san?!
[01:11] Shin
    Hey, Okita-san!
[01:13] Shin
    Wait!
[01:14] Shin
    Time out! Time out!
[01:15] Oki
    Wow. You've gotten a bit better, huh?
[01:21] G
    Okita-san! If you wanna
    fight, take it elsewhere!
[01:24] Shin
    You guys!
[01:26] Shin
    Wasn't the Shinsengumi disbanded?
[01:28] Shin
    And wasn't Okita-san forced
    to commit seppuku?!
[01:30] Oki
    Yeah. The Shinsengumi died, and so did I.
[01:34] Oki
    We weren't needed in this
    peaceful world, apparently.
[01:37] Oki
    But there's still a bunch of pests in this
    country who threaten that peace,
[01:43] Oki
    so we were reborn as a group that kills
    them in the new government's stead:
[01:50] Oki
    the Japanese Office of Homeland Security's
    Department of Environmental Control...
[01:56] Oki
    Damn, that's long.
[01:58] Oki
    Just call us the mafia.
[01:59] Shi
    So in the end, you're just mafia?!
[02:00] Kan
    Hey, how long are you
    gonna keep up this farce?
[02:04] Shin
    This is dangerous, Kanna-chan! Stay back!
[02:06] Kan
    What about him is dangerous?
[02:09] Kan
    He's got no bloodlust,
    and his strikes are slow.
[02:11] Kan
    Each hit couldn't be more light.
[02:16] Shin
    Kanna-chan?!
[02:19] Kan
    Looks like you were finally
    out to kill with that one.
[02:22] Oki
    How amusing.
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Silver Soul
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
SIGN    Two in Girl Years
    Is Equal to Ten in Man Years
[04:03] G
    Hmm... A one-eyed samurai?
[04:06] G
    Sorry. Can't say I recognize him.
[04:11] W
    He does seem somewhat familiar.
[04:13] W
    Don't tell anyone we said that, please.
[04:16] W
    Cripes, that's scary.
[04:18] W
    What? Did this guy do something bad?
[04:21] W
    I'm sure he did.
[04:22] W
    Murder? Drugs? Et cetera?
[04:24] W
    It's gotta be the et cetera, right?
    He totally looks like the et cetera sort.
[04:27] W
    Hey, y'all. Have you seen this samurai?
[04:30] W
    He's done et cetera,
    apparently. That's so scary.
[04:32] W
    No idea. I've never seen
    a face anything like that.
[04:35] W
    Oh, but I did see a samurai earlier.
[04:37] W
    Think it was on the street that-a-way.
[04:43] G
    Why, you...
[04:45] G
    You walk into us and don't even apologize?
[04:48] G
    And what's with that smug look?
[04:49] G
    Draw that thing on your waist!
[04:53] G
    What a coward.
[04:55] G
    I bet your sword down there
    can't satisfy a woman, either.
[05:02] Hen
    I hate to break it to you,
[05:04] Hen
    but my goal is to lead all ladies,
    young and old, to happiness.
[05:09] Hen
    That's what a feminist
    wields his sword for—
[05:12] G
    H-Hey, bro, that guy's ours.
[05:15] G
    Um, don't you think you're going too far?
[05:19] G
    Th-This bitch is packing heat!
[05:21] ---
    Shit! Beat it, quick!
[05:23] Mat
    Finally, we've got a lead.
[05:26] Mat
    White Yaksha...
[05:29] Mat
    Is Shinsuke-sama alive?
[05:34] Mat
    Then, Shinsuke-sama is...
[05:36] Gin
    He ain't dead.
[05:39] Gin
    But I don't know if I can
    call him alive, either.
[05:43] Mat
    That's not important.
[05:45] Mat
    I'm just glad to know he's
    still alive, no matter how.
[05:49] Gin
    Anyway, what are you planning
    to do after you find Takasugi?
[05:53] Hen
    The Kiheitai aren't done yet.
[05:56] Hen
    We'll simply help him achieve
    whatever his goal is.
[06:00] Gin
    Don't bother.
[06:03] Gin
    He's probably acting solely
    for himself right now.
[06:08] Gin
    If you show up now, he'll be forced to stop.
[06:14] Gin
    Otherwise, he'd never have left you behind.
[06:19] Gin
    If you're okay with that,
    too, then suit yourselves.
[06:25] Gin
    In reality, that's probably the right answer.
[06:28] Gin
    Later!
[06:34] Gin
    Hey, pops.
[06:37] Gin
    I'm in the mood for a drink.
    Get me something with that money.
[06:45] Mat
    White Yaksha!
[06:49] Mat
    Who the hell are those guys?
[07:00] Mat
    White Yaksha!
[07:04] Gin
    Stay away!
[07:05] Gin
    Crap! Please help me!
[07:08] Mat
    What happened to "Stay away"?!
[07:10] Hen
    I've heard that the White
    Yaksha has a weakness.
[07:15] Hen
    When he was a child, he was cursed by a
    strange fruit and became unable to swim.
[07:20] Mat
    What? He gets a new trait
    this late in the story?!
[07:23] Mat
    Don't tell me that fruit was...
[07:25] Hen
    Indeed.
[07:26] Hen
    He tried to split a watermelon using
    the scent of its sugar content alone,
[07:30] Hen
    nearly drowned, became unable to swim, and
    gained a sloppy, rubbery persona instead.
[07:36] Mat
    Uh, the fruit had nothing to do with that!
    He's just a good-for-nothing who can't swim!
[07:49] Gin
    Dammit! I can't hold out any longer!
[08:18] Gin
    Heya,
[08:19] Gin
    mastermind.
[08:22] Gin
    Did you come to get a bird's-eye
    view, like a typical mastermind?
[08:26] Gin
    You're rather close to the ground, though.
[08:28] Gin
    Try wearing some high heels
    or something, Teeny-Weeny-kun.
[08:33] Tak
    If I were the mastermind,
    I wouldn't screw up like this.
[08:36] Tak
    I wouldn't screw up and get on
    Takasugi Shinsuke's bad side.
[08:40] Tak
    Hand over what you've got in your pocket.
[08:43] Tak
    I never expected you'd have it.
[08:47] Tak
    No wonder they're so desperate.
[08:50] Tak
    As long as you have that thing, they'll
    chase you to the ends of the world.
[08:55] Tak
    So give it to me and let
    us specters handle it.
[08:58] Mat
    Shinsuke-sama!
[09:00] Gin
    Why not say something to them, too?
[09:03] Gin
    Something like, "don't follow me,"
    or even "forget about me."
[09:07] Gin
    Or wait, are you the one who
    can't forget about them?
[09:10] Gin
    I don't think you'll get
    very far like that...
[09:15] Gin
    What the hell are you doing?
[09:17] Gin
    When Gin-san's speaking with a serious face,
[09:19] Gin
    not even villains should interrupt him!
    Don't you know that unspoken rule?!
[09:23] Tak
    If you won't wash your hands of this,
    I'll just take the thing after you drown.
[09:27] Gin
    Wait, wait! What thing?!
[09:29] Gin
    The porn you lent me when we were kids?
[09:31] Gin
    I'll give it back!
[09:32] Gin
    Was it Erotopia? Temple Babes?
[09:34] Gin
    Wait, you liked the amateur
    stuff, didn't you?
[09:37] Tak
    I don't remember ever lending
    or borrowing crap like that.
[09:39] Gin
    Oh, right! You must've let me have it!
[09:41] Gin
    You were a rich boy, after all.
[09:43] Gin
    Then, the NES cartridges I lost...
[09:44] Tak
    Give back my Portopia Serial Murder Case.
[09:46] Gin
    Portopia was a loan, though?!
[09:48] Gin
    You played Portopia?!
[09:50] Tak
    It's all too late, Gintoki.
[09:53] Tak
    Looks like we can't turn back or
    look back on the past anymore.
[09:58] Tak
    Well, I guess there'd be nothing
    to say, even if we did look back.
[10:04] Mat
    Shinsuke-sama!
[10:33] Gin
    Takasugi! You bastard!
[10:36] Tak
    Relax. Even if you die, I won't
    let them have the thing.
[10:40] Tak
    I'll keep it much safer than you ever could.
[10:42] Gin
    Safer?!
[10:43] Gin
    As if a delusional punk who was
    talking about destroying the world
[10:46] Gin
    could ever keep Portopia safe!
[10:47] Tak
    I'm not talking about Portopia!
[10:49] Gin
    Don't get cocky just because
    you can swim a little.
[10:52] Gin
    With my ability to sink like a stone, I can
    easily pull you to the bottom of this river!
[10:57] Tak
    Is that something to be proud of?
[10:58] Gin
    Ow, ow! Water up my nose!
[11:00] Gin
    You'll pay for this!
[11:01] Tak
    Hand it over already!
[11:13] Gin
    Get 'em!
[11:17] Hij
    Squad 3, evacuate the residents!
[11:20] Hij
    Squads 1 and 2, hurry to the scene!
[11:23] Ymz
    Vice Chief!
[11:24] Hij
    Yamazaki! Sitrep!
[11:26] Ymz
    Not many losses in the city center!
[11:28] Hij
    Uh, aren't you causing the most losses?
[11:32] Ymz
    All those who had collapsed
    seem to be Naraku.
[11:35] Ymz
    They were probably done in by the two
    samurai mentioned in the witness reports.
[11:39] Hij
    Two samurai?
[11:41] Hij
    It's gotta be them!
[11:46] Gin
    We've both gone really downhill, huh?
[11:48] Gin
    You're only supposed to have someone
    trustworthy watch your back.
[11:53] Gin
    But we've both got the most untrustworthy
    bastard in the world behind us.
[11:57] Tak
    Don't worry, Gintoki.
[12:00] Tak
    I'm ready to turn around at any moment.
[12:04] Tak
    I'm not against killing you to help myself.
[12:08] Tak
    Don't you think we stand here right now
    because we don't hold back with each other?
[12:16] Tak
    But the annoying lapdogs
    will come sniffing soon.
[12:21] Hij
    Those guys!
[12:23] Tak
    Look offshore.
[12:26] Tak
    I have a ship ready.
    Come with me if you want to.
[12:30] Tak
    Our methods may differ, but it
    seems your goal's the same as mine.
[12:35] Tak
    In that case, you should
    exploit me for all I'm worth.
[12:40] Tak
    Or else you won't be able
    to keep this thing safe.
[12:44] Gin
    Why, you... Was it back then?
[12:47] Tak
    Well, that's only if you
    can swim all the way there.
[12:50] Gin
    Takasugi, you bastard!
[12:59] Shin
    A-Amazing.
[13:02] Kan
    Are you done now?
[13:04] Oki
    Now I see how it is.
[13:08] Oki
    But while this may be enough to kill
    Katsura, I don't know about the others!
[13:13] Kan
    Others?
[13:15] Oki
    We didn't call for you guys.
[13:18] Oki
    We need the boss's help in case
    an enemy we can't take shows up!
[13:25] Oki
    Sakata Gintoki.
[13:28] Oki
    What's wrong?
[13:31] Oki
    Your movements suddenly got sloppy.
[13:34] Oki
    Wait a second.
[13:36] Oki
    Is your father...
[13:38] Kan
    Like hell!
[13:40] Shin
    That's enough!
[13:42] Shin
    I will not let you sully the
    name of Odd Jobs anymore.
[13:45] Shin
    He... Gin-san...
[13:48] Shin
    He ate so many sweets, he's impo—
[13:50] Kan
    What are you even talking about?!
[13:52] Kan
    I didn't come here to
    bring Odd Jobs back!
[13:56] Kan
    If that's what you want, try someone else!
[13:59] Oki
    What are you saying?
[14:00] Oki
    If you wanna be hands-off about it,
    try ripping these hands off by force!
[14:04] Kan
    You don't have to tell me.
[14:06] Kan
    That's my plan!
[14:08] Oki
    Do you really think you can
    shake me off like that?
[14:12] Shin
    Look, I'll ignore the fact that
    you're using me as a weapon!
[14:16] Shin
    Please just hit the target!
[14:20] Oki
    68.20 meters.
[14:21] Shin
    When did the rules change?
[14:24] Oki
    I haven't felt these
    goosebumps in a long time.
[14:28] Kan
    Huh? What the heck are you talking about?
[14:30] Oki
    I fought your mom like this all the time.
[14:33] Shin
    I don't understand the rules!
[14:35] Oki
    We crossed swords more often
    than we exchanged words.
[14:38] Oki
    But, at times, swords speak
    much louder than words!
[14:42] Shin
    Are you even competing anymore?!
[14:44] Oki
    One fight is all I need
    to see through your lies.
[14:50] Kan
    I don't really get it, but okay.
[14:53] Shin
    No need for the nom nom time!
[14:56] Oki
    Your mom's already here, right?
[15:00] Oki
    I thought she'd show up at once
    if I hurt her daughter a little.
[15:04] Oki
    But I can't hold back any longer. Don't
    you care what happens to your daughter?
[15:09] Kan
    Who are you even talking to?!
[15:14] Oki
    Call her.
[15:15] Oki
    "Mom, help me!"
[15:18] Shin
    Kanna-chan!
[15:20] Oki
    Actually, he might be more
    effective bait than the daughter.
[15:31] Shin
    K-Kanna-chan?
[15:33] Oki
    Wrong.
[15:35] Oki
    Looks like she's finally back...
[15:38] Oki
    That stubborn girl.
[15:39] Shin
    Wait, could it be...
[15:43] Shin
    Something unbalanced showed up!
[16:06] Oki
    Yo.
[16:08] Oki
    Welcome back.
[16:14] Shin
    K-Kanna-chan.
[16:17] Shin
    Are you...
[16:19] Oki
    She never existed in the first place.
[16:22] Oki
    That's not her daughter or her clone.
[16:28] Oki
    It's just her.
[16:31] Kag
    I see you're still the same old jerk.
[16:34] Kag
    Said your prayers yet?
[16:37] Oki
    Prayers for what?
[16:39] Oki
    You haven't changed, either.
[16:44] Oki
    Same lousy follow-through.
[17:04] Shin
    Kagura-chan.
[17:05] Shin
    Or should I call you Kanna-chan instead?
[17:09] Shin
    I don't mind either way.
[17:11] Shin
    Just the fact that you returned to Earth...
[17:14] Shin
    Oh, it wouldn't be a return
    for Kanna-chan, would it?
[17:18] Kag
    You haven't changed at all, Shinpachi.
[17:20] Kag
    Still needlessly looking out for others.
[17:24] Kag
    I was a fool.
[17:26] Kag
    You don't have to call me Kanna anymore.
[17:29] Kag
    Granny Kagura will do.
[17:31] Shin
    It wasn't Kagura-chan or Kanna-chan!
[17:34] Kag
    I used a bit too much power.
[17:37] Kag
    I'm going to lie down for a bit, Michiko-san.
[17:41] Kag
    Hup.
[17:43] Shin
    Who the hell is Michiko-san?!
[17:44] Shin
    First a little girl, and now an old bag?
    What's going on with you, Granny Kagura?
[17:47] Kag
    Let's see... I think it was
    around thirty years ago.
[17:53] Shin
    You haven't lived that long, Granny Kagura!
[17:56] Kag
    Back then, I was a bombshell
    babe and so popular on Earth,
[18:01] Kag
    I got sick of the attention and left.
[18:05] Shin
    Don't give yourself fake
    memories, Granny Kagura.
[18:06] Kag
    And so began my journey to turn my
    beloved dog, Rogers, back to normal.
[18:14] Shin
    Don't forget your beloved
    dog's name, Granny Kagura!
[18:16] Kag
    But I couldn't find a way to
    turn Bolognese back to normal.
[18:21] Shin
    Keep the name consistent, Granny Kagura.
[18:24] Kag
    As I went from planet to planet, from
    one harsh environment to another,
[18:28] Kag
    my body couldn't keep up.
[18:31] Kag
    That's when he appeared in front of me.
[18:36] (Flashback) G
    ZZ? Z, Z?
[18:38] Shin
    Huh? What's this?
[18:38] (Flashback) G
    ZZZZ...
[18:39] Shin
    Who's that? What's he saying?
[18:41] (Flashback) Kag
    ZZZZ? ZZ!
[18:43] Shin
    Oh, you can speak it, too?
    What language is this, even?
[18:43] (Flashback) Kag
    ZZZZZ, ZZZ.
[18:45] Kag
    Zzzzz...
[18:48] Shin
    Hey, gran. What's that thing
    coming out of your nose?
[18:52] Shin
    Can I burst it? Will you keep going if I do?
[18:56] Kag
    That's how I ended up with this body.
[18:59] Shin
    You zzz'd through the most important part!
[19:01] Kag
    But all my efforts were in vain.
[19:06] Kag
    In the end, I couldn't change a thing.
[19:13] Kag
    I talked a big game and left
    Earth, but achieved nothing.
[19:21] Kag
    How was I supposed to come
    back and face everyone?
[19:26] Kag
    Hey, tell me!
[19:28] Shin
    Not with that face, at least.
[19:32] Kag
    Now that I've rested a bit,
    I've mostly gone back to normal.
[19:35] Shin
    Your face looks like Baron Ashura's, though!
[19:40] Shin
    Kagura-chan.
[19:42] Shin
    You have nothing to feel bad about.
[19:44] Shin
    You took on our feelings and went
    on a journey to save Sadaharu.
[19:50] Shin
    Odd Jobs didn't disband because of you.
[19:54] Shin
    Even if you hadn't left,
    I think he would have...
[19:58] Oki
    Vanished?
[20:00] Oki
    Then maybe the boss really
    did know all along...
[20:05] Oki
    that he was still alive, too.
[20:08] Shin
    Who do you mean?
[20:14] G
    Boss, you okay?
[20:17] Tak
    Sorry. I kept you waiting.
[20:20] G
    No problem! Anything to help
    the hero Takasugi Shinsuke!
[20:26] G
    Weigh anchor!
[20:27] Tak
    Hold on.
[20:33] Tak
    There's no way he'd come, huh?
[20:37] Tak
    I guess this is where we part forever.
[20:39] Tak
    Takechi, Matako, forgive me.
[20:48] Gin
    Give it back.
[20:50] Tak
    How did you get here?
[20:51] Gin
    Isn't that obvious?
[20:53] Gin
    Since I can't swim, I just walked.
[20:58] Tak
    Looks like you've seen far
    more carnage than I have.
[21:03] Tak
    I guess you need to be ready for that if
    you want to carry something so dangerous.
[21:10] Tak
    Where did you get it?
[21:11] Gin
    I was looking for something else, actually.
[21:15] Gin
    This is just a byproduct
    I found during the process.
[21:19] Gin
    The famous sweet shop Enshichi's
    specialty bean-jam mochi.
[21:22] Tak
    Not that!
[21:23] Gin
    What was that for? I'd been
    saving it to relish the taste!
[21:27] Gin
    Wow, they're yummy even
    when eaten with my eyes!
[21:28] Tak
    What the hell are you making me steal?
[21:31] Gin
    Huh? Didn't you wanna try them, too?
[21:34] Gin
    Oh, then how about this Kyoto specialty—
[21:36] Tak
    Not that, either!
[21:37] Gin
    How could you tell before seeing it?!
[21:40] Tak
    As if you'd get people like that
    on your tail over tourist food!
[21:42] Gin
    What if the rest of the sentence had been
    "Yoshioka Riho covered in yatsuhashi"?
[21:47] Gin
    Can I eat her? Can I eat her
    along with the yatsuhashi?
[21:49] Tak
    Sure. Get diarrhea and die.
[21:53] Tak
    You've already got it, haven't you?
[22:00] Tak
    Utsuro's...
[22:03] Tak
    Yoshida Shoyo's heart.
SIGN    Preview
[23:40] Gin
    I found something I needed to do
    as Shoka Sonjuku's Sakata Gintoki.
[23:46] Tak
    If you wanna save him, go ahead.
[23:47] Tak
    You can do that now.
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
SIGN    Salvation
SIGN    The path Gintoki walked these past two years,
SIGN    and the path Takasugi walked these past two years...
SIGN    They converge into one point.
SIGN    And their teacher's existence once again...

E365 - Salvation

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Watch the Silver Soul arc in a bright
    room and at a safe distance from the TV!!!!!!!
[00:06] Shin
    He's alive?
[00:08] Shin
    What are you talking about, Okita-san?
[00:11] Shin
    Don't tell me...
[00:13] Shin
    You mean...
[00:15] Oki
    Utsuro.
[00:18] Oki
    Yoshida Shoyo.
[00:20] Oki
    Nah.
[00:21] Oki
    He might've taken a completely different
    form that's neither of them now,
[00:28] Oki
    but he's still alive.
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Silver Soul
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
SIGN    Salvation
[02:13] Shin
    When did you know that he wasn't dead yet?
[02:20] Gin
    I knew all along.
[02:22] Gin
    Back then, he willingly threw
    himself into the ley line.
[02:29] Gin
    But he was born from Altana anyway.
[02:33] Gin
    So it'd be no surprise if he came back
    reborn from some part of it.
[02:41] Gin
    To top it off, I heard what he said.
[02:45] (Flashback) Uts
    Humans.
[02:48] (Flashback) Uts
    This isn't the end.
[02:52] (Flashback) Uts
    You have gone and chosen...
[02:57] (Flashback) Uts
    An endless war,
[03:00] (Flashback) Uts
    and a life dyed in sorrow and suffering.
[03:06] (Flashback) Uts
    Nobody can save your teacher anymore.
[03:12] Gin
    He tried to end the world.
[03:16] Gin
    We managed to stop that,
[03:19] Gin
    but we couldn't manage to save our teacher.
[03:25] Gin
    So I went back to being alone.
[03:29] Gin
    Not a member of Odd Jobs,
    but just a student again.
[03:33] Gin
    I found something I needed to do
    as Shoka Sonjuku's Sakata Gintoki.
[03:40] (Flashback) Ane
    Investigate all the gates?
[03:43] (Flashback) Ane
    But why?
[03:45] (Flashback) Mone
    Gates are spiritual points where energy from
    the ley lines gushes out to the surface.
[03:51] (Flashback) Mone
    They differ in size and are
    scattered all across the world.
[03:55] (Flashback) Mone
    Not even we, the priestesses of the
    Golden Dragon, know about all of them.
[04:03] (Flashback) Mone
    And you want to go around
    checking every single one?
[04:19] (Flashback) Mone
    We've worshiped that gate for generations.
[04:24] (Flashback) Mone
    As such, we've witnessed strange happenings
    in these lands every now and then.
[04:30] (Flashback) Mone
    But that one stood out among them all.
[04:35] (Flashback) Mone
    At first, we thought it was an animal corpse.
[04:39] (Flashback) Mone
    But within a few days,
[04:41] (Flashback) Mone
    it began taking a different form.
[04:45] (Flashback) Mone
    But that, um... What do I even call it?
[04:51] (Flashback) Mone
    I'm not the least bit certain.
[04:54] (Flashback) Mone
    Is this child human?
[05:44] Gin
    I couldn't put an end to it.
[05:54] Gin
    I don't know if he knew how I felt or not.
[06:00] Gin
    He just grew rapidly in the blink of an eye.
[06:08] Gin
    Not only did he never talk to me, but he
    never even expressed any will or desire.
[06:13] Gin
    He just quietly followed me,
[06:19] Gin
    no matter where I went.
[06:30] (Flashback) Gin
    Sheesh.
[06:32] (Flashback) Gin
    Can't you at least ask for help?
[06:36] (Flashback) Gin
    Actually, I guess I'm the one
    being unfathomable here.
[06:40] (Flashback) Gin
    I feel like I'm raising a final boss.
[06:44] (Flashback) Sho
    You have to grow stronger than
    me using your own sword.
[06:50] (Flashback) Gin
    Is this how you used to feel, Shoyo?
[07:02] (Flashback) Sho
    No, I don't think so.
[07:06] (Flashback) Sho
    Compared to how you were as a kid,
[07:08] (Flashback) Sho
    I was a much cuter, much
    better boy, wasn't I?
[07:17] (Flashback) Gin
    Shoyo?
[07:20] (Flashback) Gin
    Are you... Shoyo?
[07:24] (Flashback) Sho
    Shoyo? That sounds so nostalgic.
[07:28] (Flashback) Sho
    I've been called many, many names
    and have lived just as many lives.
[07:35] (Flashback) Sho
    But of those countless old names,
    I remembered just this one.
[07:40] (Flashback) Sho
    That's who I am.
[07:42] (Flashback) Sho
    You're the one who made me remember, Gintoki.
[07:47] (Flashback) Sho
    So I want to tell you while I still can...
[07:51] (Flashback) Sho
    Entrust you with this while I'm still myself.
[07:56] (Flashback) Sho
    Gintoki, I...
[08:15] (Flashback) Sho
    Good grief.
[08:17] (Flashback) Sho
    It seems we have some unwanted visitors.
[08:26] (Flashback) Sho
    I'm sorry,
[08:29] (Flashback) Sho
    but I won't let you have him.
[08:35] (Flashback) Sho
    This is my heart right now.
[08:39] (Flashback) Sho
    Utsuro... We must not be left
    to roam free in this world.
[08:48] (Flashback) Sho
    I entrust it to you.
[08:55] (Flashback) Sho
    I'm sorry I caused you
    trouble to the very end.
[08:59] (Flashback) Sho
    And I'm truly happy to have met you again...
[09:07] Gin
    Utsuro lost his body in
    the battle two years ago.
[09:13] Gin
    But the massive amount of Altana within him
[09:16] Gin
    combined with the Altana he fell
    into and regenerated his body.
[09:23] Gin
    So now that I have this, Utsuro
    will never come back to life again.
[09:29] Gin
    Looks like the remnants of the Naraku were
    working behind the scenes to bring him back,
[09:34] Gin
    but he stopped them by gouging out
    his own heart and giving it to me.
[09:40] Gin
    I spent these past two years wandering
    everywhere, trying to save him.
[09:45] Gin
    But in the end, he had to
    go and save me yet again.
[09:51] Tak
    What exactly is the salvation you speak of?
[09:54] Tak
    Putting an end to Sensei
    and Utsuro as he wished?
[10:00] Tak
    If so, why carry that around like
    it's some precious treasure?
[10:04] Tak
    Maybe it's your resolve that's
    wavering and wandering.
[10:10] Tak
    Then why not just give it back to Utsuro?
[10:15] Gin
    Takasugi, you...
[10:17] Tak
    Not a bad idea if it means we
    can see Sensei again, right?
[10:22] Tak
    Though it'll be a gamble on
    whether he or Utsuro shows up.
[10:26] Gin
    What's wrong with you?!
[10:28] Tak
    Don't get so worked up.
[10:29] Tak
    I don't intend to take that
    gamble. There's no need.
[10:32] Gin
    Huh? What do you mean?
[10:34] Tak
    Why bring him back to life?
[10:40] Tak
    His body's still alive.
[10:45] Tak
    After you received his heart,
    the Naraku took Utsuro's body back.
[10:51] Tak
    It's in an inanimate state, but that's
    probably more convenient for them.
[10:56] Gin
    Convenient?
[10:57] Gin
    Weren't they coming for the heart
    so they could bring Utsuro back?
[11:02] Tak
    Nope.
[11:04] Tak
    I don't know about the Naraku,
[11:06] Tak
    but the people controlling them...
[11:08] Gin
    Wait, you mean...
[11:17] Gin
    Takasugi, you...
[11:21] Gin
    How'd your body end up like that?
[11:24] Gin
    What did you see, and where?
[11:27] Gin
    What did you learn?
[11:37] Gin
    Takasugi, you...
[11:40] Gin
    How'd your body end up like that?
[11:43] Gin
    What did you see, and where?
[11:45] Gin
    What did you learn?
[11:55] (Flashback) Tak
    I'm sorry.
[11:56] (Flashback) Tak
    I don't think I can take your
    ashes back to the Shoka Sonjuku.
[12:03] (Flashback) Tak
    Before I drop dead, there's
    something else I need to do.
[12:11] (Flashback) Tak
    I must destroy them, if nobody else!
[12:29] (Flashback) Ten
    To think there'd still be someone
    who'd point such eyes at us.
[12:35] (Flashback) Ten
    Right now, we have no power.
[12:39] (Flashback) Ten
    We can't even die.
[12:42] (Flashback) Tak
    So what?
[12:46] (Flashback) Tak
    My left eye knows...
[12:49] (Flashback) Tak
    What you did,
[12:52] (Flashback) Tak
    and what it is I must do.
[12:57] (Flashback) Tak
    If you don't know how to die, I'll teach you.
[13:02] (Flashback) U
    How cruel is that?
[13:06] (Flashback) U
    They were no more than pawns.
[13:09] (Flashback) U
    The one who really cursed you students
    and your teacher to this fate
[13:14] (Flashback) U
    was me, was it not?
[13:16] (Flashback) U
    If you must kill someone, kill me.
[13:19] (Flashback) U
    But the seeds I have sown are already
    spreading across the country.
[13:25] (Flashback) U
    You're going to die soon.
[13:27] (Flashback) U
    Do you really have the time
    to weed out all of them?
[13:32] (Flashback) U
    This is the path you humans chose.
[13:36] (Flashback) U
    The suffering won't end.
[13:38] (Flashback) U
    The sorrow won't end.
[13:41] (Flashback) U
    You have made another terrible mistake.
[13:54] (Flashback) U
    Your enemy
[13:59] (Flashback) U
    is yourselves!
[14:08] (Flashback) G
    All right! Carry them out!
[14:09] (Flashback) G
    Hurry up! The ship's gonna crash!
[14:11] (Flashback) G
    Get a move on!
[14:14] (Flashback) Tak
    Stop it.
[14:17] (Flashback) Tak
    That power can't be allowed to survive.
[14:21] (Flashback) Tak
    It's too much for people to handle.
[14:25] (Flashback) Tak
    Are you trying to start the cycle again?
[14:29] (Flashback) Tak
    Are you going to make
    Sensei suffer even more?
[14:34] (Flashback) Tak
    Am I going to fail
[14:38] (Flashback) Tak
    to save him once again?
[14:42] (Flashback) Tak
    Move...
[14:45] (Flashback) Tak
    Move!
[14:47] (Flashback) Tak
    Please, give me just a bit more time!
[15:01] (Flashback) Tak
    Lend me your strength, senior student,
[15:07] (Flashback) Tak
    so that we may save our teacher!
[15:22] Tak
    I had no proof.
[15:25] Tak
    But I felt no panic or hesitation, either.
[15:33] Tak
    Our senior, and our teacher's blood,
    helped me stand there once more,
[15:41] Tak
    and I knew the reason all too well.
[15:50] Tak
    The fact that I stayed alive by taking
    in the ashes was practically a miracle.
[15:56] Tak
    But this body's regenerative
    abilities have already weakened,
[16:01] Tak
    and it's starting to fall apart.
[16:03] Tak
    I don't have much time left.
[16:06] Tak
    But thanks to that,
[16:09] Tak
    I've now become able to
    do what I really want to.
SIGN    Tokugawa Nobunobu
[16:22] Shi
    My earthling friends...
[16:25] Shi
    We must never make the same mistake again.
[16:30] Shi
    These past two years, I've done
    all I can to make sure we don't.
[16:35] Shi
    But perhaps we had already overlooked
    something crucial back then...
[16:39] Shi
    The seeds of calamity
    that are sprouting today.
[16:43] Kat
    It happened again?
[16:45] Shi
    Yeah.
[16:47] Shi
    They've all been major terrorist incidents.
[16:49] Shi
    And a huge amount of Altana
    was stolen in each one.
[16:53] Shi
    Each was caused by residents of
    the planet on which it occurred.
[16:57] Shi
    People with no links to one another
[16:59] Shi
    suddenly teamed up one day, committed
    terrorism, and killed themselves.
[17:05] Shi
    But there's one thing we've learned
    while investigating their backgrounds.
[17:10] Kat
    Are you talking about this?
[17:13] Shi
    Katsura, you...
[17:15] Kat
    One need only look at history to know.
[17:18] Kat
    Any time chaos engulfs the world,
    people always turn to religion.
[17:24] Kat
    The idol they worship is the phoenix...
[17:27] Kat
    In other words, immortality.
[17:30] Kat
    It's spreading across Edo, too.
[17:33] Shi
    That war was a major reason the
    spread was so wide and so quick.
[17:38] Shi
    People wanted to get back the
    family and friends they had lost.
[17:42] Shi
    And the religion worshiping
    immortality sucked them all in.
[17:47] Shi
    It was all started by some Liberation Army
    members taking immortal blood with them.
[17:54] Tak
    I spent these past two
    years pursuing them.
[17:58] Tak
    Utsuro's blood had scattered
    across the world,
[18:05] Tak
    and I wanted to destroy it all.
[18:08] Tak
    But the seeds had already begun sprouting.
[18:12] Tak
    They've started to understand
    how to use the immortal blood.
[18:17] Shi
    The remnants of the Tendoshu used that power
    as bait to rapidly gain massive power.
[18:24] Shi
    They said, "Believe in us,
    and you will gain immortality."
[18:29] Shi
    And they need one last
    key to open that door...
[18:35] Kat
    The reborn Utsuro, huh?
[18:38] Tak
    They're trying to find the recipe
    for all-encompassing immortality,
[18:43] Tak
    and that heart you have is
    the crux of their research.
[18:47] Tak
    So you and I were both working toward
    the same goal in different places, huh?
[18:54] Tak
    We worried, hesitated,
[18:57] Tak
    and in the end,
[18:59] Tak
    we couldn't change a thing.
[19:01] Tak
    But isn't that enough?
[19:05] Tak
    Sensei and you have
    suffered more than enough.
[19:10] Tak
    If you wanna save him, go ahead.
[19:12] Tak
    You can do that now.
[19:16] Tak
    Let's just go save what
    we couldn't back then.
[19:22] Tak
    Let's save Sensei from
    them and his cursed fate.
[19:27] Tak
    This time for sure!
[19:31] Gin
    Where is Shoyo's body now?
[19:35] Gin
    Where is this boat headed?
[19:38] Tak
    Edo.
[19:40] Tak
    Their next target is Edo.
[19:46] Shi
    What's going on?
[19:47] Kat
    Run, Shijaku!
[19:49] Kat
    I didn't expect them to attack me first!
[19:52] Kat
    Immortality technology will require
    massive amounts of Altana,
[19:55] Kat
    so surely they want Earth's
    Altana for themselves.
[19:58] Shi
    You've figured out that much?
[20:00] Kat
    Part of the reason I took this crazy position
[20:04] Kat
    was to control the cabinet, spread a
    net to every corner of the country,
[20:08] Kat
    pick up any movements related to
    Utsuro, and to prepare for it all.
[20:14] Kat
    That was my own way of doing the right thing.
[20:18] Kat
    Shijaku, take a different route to escape!
[20:21] Kat
    And if I don't return,
[20:23] Kat
    take care of Princess Soyo
    and the new government!
[20:25] Shi
    Katsura?!
[20:27] Shi
    Wait, Katsura!
[20:30] Kat
    Fret not, Nobunobu.
[20:32] Kat
    I know that when I die,
    the country dies with me.
[20:36] Kat
    Do you really think I succeeded you
    shoguns without being ready for that?
[20:40] Kat
    Behold from up there in heaven...
[20:42] Kat
    what this country and its
    prime minister are capable of!
[20:45] Kat
    Let's roll!
[20:47] Oki
    Katsura!
[20:48] Shi
    Wait, who are you?!
[20:50] Shi
    The enemy's not who I expected at all!
[20:52] Shi
    What's worse, most of them are coming my way!
[20:55] Shi
    Is this how you do things?!
[21:08] Kag
    What are you gonna do, Pachi-boy?
[21:12] Kag
    He said Utsuro's still alive,
[21:14] Kag
    and that he needs to find
    Gin-chan, so he wants our help.
[21:18] Kag
    It's not like we know
    where he is now, either.
[21:23] Shi
    If Utsuro's alive, Gin-san
    must've already made his move.
[21:29] Shi
    Actually, that's probably why
    he left Edo in the first place.
[21:32] Kag
    To kill him again?
[21:35] Shin
    I don't know.
[21:37] Shin
    But maybe Gin-san didn't know, either.
[21:44] Shin
    What would I do?
[21:46] Shin
    If someone dear to me from
    the very bottom of my heart
[21:51] Shin
    became an enemy of the world,
[21:55] Shin
    would I fight them to protect the world?
[21:59] Shin
    Or would I believe in them, even if
    it turned the whole world against me?
[22:04] Shin
    I don't know.
[22:07] Shin
    But there's one thing I do know I'd want...
[22:13] Shin
    I'd want to see them again.
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
[23:51] Gin
    Dun dun!
SIGN    Dun Dun
SIGN    Dun dun.
SIGN    Dun dun.

E366 - Dun Dun

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Watch the Silver Soul arc in a bright
    room and at a safe distance from the TV!!!!!!!
[00:06] Gin
    Oh, man.
[00:08] Gin
    Whoever said children grow even
    without their parents was a wise man.
[00:13] Gin
    I'm back for a little bit, Edo.
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Silver Soul
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
SIGN    Dun Dun
[01:54] Gin
    So, where's the enemy?
[01:58] Tak
    Everywhere around you.
SIGN    Oedo Construction
[02:00] Tak
    Even as they propagated their
    religion across the universe,
[02:03] Tak
    they don't have a base on any planet.
[02:07] Tak
    Mobile Cathedral Kuyo.
[02:09] Tak
    A warship wandering the skies is their HQ.
[02:13] Tak
    It can't be detected by the
    naked eye or by radar,
[02:16] Tak
    but there's no doubt it's
    in Terran skies right now.
[02:19] Tak
    And that's where Sensei is.
[02:22] Gin
    How are we gonna stop them?
[02:23] Tak
    Who do you think I am?
[02:26] Tak
    I know what third-rate terrorists are
    thinking like the back of my own hand.
[02:31] Tak
    There's something I need to do before
    they make their move, though.
[02:36] Tak
    Use that time to take care
    of your own business.
[02:38] Gin
    Huh?
[02:39] Tak
    It's your first time back in two years.
[02:41] Tak
    Aren't there some old faces you want to see?
[02:45] Gin
    Are you stupid?
[02:46] Gin
    How can I face them? What do I tell them?
[02:49] Gin
    "Hey, I'm here to save the monster
    you all risked your lives to defeat"?
[02:53] Gin
    What do you think my face is, Jump Square?
[02:57] Tak
    Well, do as you wish.
[03:01] Ymz
    There's no doubt about it.
[03:03] Ymz
    The Odd Jobs boss has
    fallen to the dark side!
[03:07] Ymz
    With this happening so close to the finale,
[03:09] Ymz
    it must be a case where the mankind-protecting
    protag despairs in our foolishness
[03:14] Ymz
    and decides to wipe everything
    out! It's the Devilman pattern!
[03:17] Hij
    Zaki, I didn't ask for your delusions.
[03:20] Hij
    I'm about to despair in my subordinate's
    foolishness and wipe out his salary, too.
[03:24] Ymz
    Who's a foolish subordinate?
[03:25] Ymz
    Who do you think made it
    possible to follow them this far?
[03:29] Hij
    Right. You said you could fly, so I got
    on your back and tried to follow the boat.
[03:33] (Flashback) Hij
    Go, Mobcop!
[03:35] Hij
    So you made it possible for me to nearly
    die five times when you ran out of gas.
[03:40] Ymz
    Look, that was because I couldn't refuel.
[03:42] Hij
    Why is Robocop's fuel anpan?
[03:44] Ymz
    Plus, the bean paste was
    coarse, not strained.
[03:46] Ymz
    I can't recharge like that, Tony!
[03:48] Hij
    Who're you calling Tony?
[03:50] Hij
    Your mechanical specs and brain
    specs are totally out of sync!
[03:54] Hij
    Don't take your eyes off them.
[03:56] Hij
    We'll follow them and see what they're up to.
[03:58] Ymz
    What? But if we waste time, the
    Demon Army and Satan Army will—
[04:01] Hij
    Armageddon isn't gonna happen.
[04:03] Ymz
    Are you saying you'll have
    faith in the boss, then?
[04:07] Hij
    That's not it.
[04:08] Hij
    Figuring out their goal comes first.
[04:11] Ymz
    And what if he's plotting something evil?
[04:17] Hij
    I'll cut him down.
[04:18] Hij
    That's our duty as the Shinsengumi he saved.
[04:25] Ymz
    Hijikata-san...
[04:27] Ymz
    The Shinsengumi doesn't
    exist anymore, though.
[04:30] Hij
    I said not to take your eyes off them.
[04:34] Hij
    They're splitting up.
[04:35] Hij
    We'll also split up and follow them both!
[04:37] Ymz
    Understood!
[04:38] Ymz
    Then I'll follow Takasugi!
[04:40] Ymz
    And I'll follow the boss!
[04:42] Ymz
    Hijikata-san, you go buy some anpan!
[04:45] Hij
    Got it! Strained, right?
[04:47] Hij
    Like hell!
[04:49] Hij
    Why're you splitting into two?
    Why am I your lackey?
[04:52] Ymz
    Oh, sorry.
[04:53] Ymz
    I forgot I had a shadowing mode.
[04:57] Yij
    I'll buy some anpan from over here!
[05:00] Yij
    Hijikata, you go buy the anpan that-a-way!
[05:03] Hij
    Got it! The ones with seeds
    sprinkled on top, right?
[05:06] Hij
    Why're we splitting up to buy anpan?!
[05:09] Hij
    Look, you can stay like that.
[05:10] Hij
    You can be Hijikata-san if you keep
    it natural! Just follow Odd Jobs!
[05:13] Ymz
    Understood!
[05:14] Ymz
    I should be the natural Hijikata-san, right?
[05:16] Hij
    I bought you anpan, sir!
[05:18] Hij
    Please stop! No more natural Hijikata-san!
[05:21] Hij
    Put some clothes on!
[05:23] Hij
    Crap!
[05:41] Gin
    Actually, never mind.
[05:42] Gin
    If I run into anyone, I don't think
    just sunglasses will help disguise me.
[05:54] Gin
    Granny!
[05:55] Gin
    If I buy these briefs, will you
    do me a huge favor?! Please?!
[06:01] Tae
    Oh, that's a nice swimsuit.
[06:04] Tae
    Maybe I should pick it up for Shin-chan.
[06:06] Gran
    You know how to pick 'em, miss.
[06:09] Gran
    They're all the next big thing,
    the latest and hottest in fashion.
[06:12] Tae
    Really?
[06:14] Tae
    Yeah, the designs sure are novel.
[06:16] Tae
    This one looks like boxers,
[06:18] Tae
    this one's got something sticking out,
[06:20] Tae
    and this one's Hentai Kamen.
[06:23] Hij
    Why'd you join the mannequin parade?!
[06:26] Ymz
    Hijikata-san, that's Shinpachi-kun's sister.
[06:29] Ymz
    Looks like the boss doesn't want to be seen.
[06:32] Hij
    But he's sticking out like a sore thumb!
[06:34] Hij
    And we've gotta hurry up
    and go after Takasugi...
[06:38] Hij
    You're in the parade, too?!
[06:40] Hij
    Huh?
[06:41] Hij
    Are you kidding me? What is he doing?
[06:43] Hij
    Is that how the smug bastard's been
    throwing us off all this time?
[06:48] Hij
    He's not looking up at all.
[06:50] Hij
    I bet his face is beet red.
[06:52] Ymz
    Hijikata-san, you're the pot calling the
    kettle black right now. Could you stop?
[06:56] Tae
    I'd like to take a closer look.
[06:59] Gran
    Sure, go ahead and take it off.
[07:01] Tae
    But, you know...
[07:03] Gran
    Oh, is it sticking out?
[07:07] Gran
    It's stuck on something. I can't take it off.
[07:10] Gran
    Looks like it'd be faster to just mash it down!
[07:16] Hij
    E-Endure it, Yamazaki!
[07:18] Gran
    Didn't work, huh? Could you
    grab the hammer over there?
[07:21] Hij
    Hammer?!
[07:23] Tae
    Oh, but I don't know if I'm
    going to buy it or not.
[07:26] Gran
    Don't hold back.
[07:28] Gran
    We've got tons of spare mannequins and blls.
[07:31] Tae
    Oh, I'm not. It's just...
[07:37] Tae
    This is what I wanted to see.
[07:38] Hij
    Mobcop!
[07:40] Gran
    Oh, the cap?
[07:42] Tae
    This isn't what I pictured, though.
[07:46] Tae
    I'll put it back on top.
[07:48] Hij
    That's the wrong "top"!
[07:50] Tae
    Huh? Is this how it looked?
[07:52] Tae
    Wasn't this the right place?
[07:54] Gran
    Nah, it was over here.
[07:56] Tae
    No, wasn't this over here?
[07:58] Gran
    Nah, over here.
[08:00] Hij
    Where'd Yamazaki go?
[08:03] Hij
    How'd they even turn him into this?!
[08:05] Tae
    Oh, I'm interested in these sunglasses, too.
[08:08] Tae
    May I take them off?
[08:14] Tae
    The wind's blowing away the merchandise!
[08:16] Hij
    He ran for it!
[08:17] Hij
    That bastard's trying to save his own skin!
[08:20] Hij
    Guess I'll join him...
[08:32] Tae
    Thank goodness.
[08:33] Tae
    You nearly lost your merchandise.
[08:36] Gran
    Yeah...
[08:38] Gran
    I think we lost some lives instead.
SIGN    Kodokan Dojo
[08:46] Hij
    How'd things end up this way?
[08:49] Hij
    Wasn't this place supposed to be*
    a rundown swordsmanship dojo?
[08:53] Hij
    What's with them?
[08:56] Hij
    What the hell is TAEZAP?
[09:15] Tae
    Okay, everyone.
[09:17] Tae
    That's it for today's training.
[09:19] Hij
    Uh, what training? Those fatties
    were just spinning on a wheel!
[09:22] Tae
    You can take your Baagen-Dazs
    rewards and go home!
[09:25] Hij
    Like hell they'll lose any weight!
[09:27] Hij
    You want to keep them here
    forever, don't you?!
[09:29] Tae
    Sorry I kept you waiting, Kyu-chan.
[09:31] Kyu
    Don't be. It was interesting.
[09:33] Kyu
    Swordsmanship exercises, huh?
[09:36] Kyu
    Tae-chan, maybe it's people like you who
    can keep the sword alive in these times.
[09:42] Kyu
    I should try my best to keep up, too.
[09:45] Gin
    Kyubei...
[09:47] Kyu
    But are you okay with this?
[09:48] Tae
    What do you mean?
[09:49] Kyu
    I was sure Shinpachi-kun would be
    the one to take over this dojo.
[09:53] Kyu
    It's been two years already.
[09:56] Kyu
    Is he planning to succeed that guy instead?
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[10:01] Tae
    That's fine by me.
[10:03] Tae
    If that's what he truly wants to do.
[10:08] Kyu
    I see...
[10:10] Tae
    How's everyone on your end?
[10:15] Kyu
    Same as ever.
[10:17] Kyu
    We went through a lot
    in these two years, too,
[10:20] Kyu
    but even in a new era, all we can do
    is keep the swordsman spirit alive.
[10:25] Kyu
    That's our clan's pride.
[10:31] (Flashback) Kyu
    I think I'm ready for an arranged marriage.
[10:34] (Flashback) Bim
    Kyubei, you...
[10:37] (Flashback) Kyu
    Don't worry. I won't bring
    any girls home anymore.
[10:43] (Flashback) Kyu
    If there's someone out there willing
    to live together with my sword,
[10:47] (Flashback) Kyu
    then I'll gladly die with them.
[10:52] (Flashback) Bim
    I see.
[11:04] Kyu
    He really wanted to see that guy again.
[11:07] Kyu
    So I'm glad he didn't come back.
[11:11] Kyu
    Who knows? I might've actually
    been married off to him.
[11:17] Tae
    But I would've wanted him to see it.
[11:20] Tae
    You in a wedding dress,
    and what Edo looks like now.
[11:25] Tae
    Well, let's get going.
[11:27] Tae
    Our plan today is to shop for
    marriage-meeting kimonos, right?
[11:30] Kyu
    Oh, right.
[11:32] Kyu
    But first, let me put the mannequins away.
[11:40] Gin
    You haven't gotten over
    your fear of men at all!
[11:45] Tae
    So, what was the cause with your grandfather?
[11:48] Kyu
    Food poisoning.
[11:50] Kyu
    He promised not to eat things off
    the street or gather trash anymore,
[11:54] Kyu
    but he's probably still picking up
    trash somewhere as we speak.
[11:58] Gin
    And this guy's still alive?!
SIGN    Mon-Fiction
SIGN    Mon-Fiction
[12:12] Bim
    Well, my son and grandkid
    are all grown up now,
[12:16] Bim
    so I decided to retire in
    leisure, doing what I want.
[12:21] D
    And that's rummaging through garbage,
    despite repeated complaints from people?
[12:26] Bim
    Everyone calls it that,
SIGN    The Man Who
    Lives With Trash
[12:28] Bim
    but I've never once thought
    of these as trash.
[12:32] D
    So it's your way of warning modern
    society that they're too wasteful?
[12:36] Bim
    I don't want to be that sanctimonious,
[12:39] Bim
    but take a look at this, Director.
[12:43] Bim
    This is something I picked up today.
[12:45] Bim
    But give it some fancy clothes
[12:47] Bim
    and a fancy logo,
SIGN    The Third Silver Soul Brothers
[12:53] Bim
    and it can be used as a roach swatter.
[12:55] Bim
    And look, there's another over here.
[12:57] Bim
    We can write something like this on it...
SIGN    Youtuber
[13:03] Bim
    and transform it into a fly swatter.
[13:05] Bim
    There's one more.
[13:10] Bim
    How do you think we can
    give it a new purpose?
[13:14] D
    We can write "Director" on it and
    use it as a sandbag for tackling.
[13:19] Bim
    That's not a bad idea,
    but the right answer is...
SIGN    Domoto
[13:22] Bim
    Write that,
SIGN    Tsuyoshi
[13:24] Bim
    and we can make a bunch of money.
[13:31] Bim
    Wh-What's going on?
[13:33] Bim
    Th-The pieces of trash are...
[13:34] D
    Those pieces of trash looked
    truly alive to us, too.
[13:40] D
    Like the old man said, maybe they
    could still serve a purpose...
[13:46] D
    As trash that can remove other trash.
SIGN    Mon-Fiction
SIGN    The Man Who Lives With Trash
SIGN    Fin
[13:55] Gin
    I'm out of that mannequin hell at last!
[13:58] Gin
    Takasugi, I didn't expect
    you to join in, too.
[14:01] Gin
    Is that how you've been running
    from the bakufu until now?
[14:05] Gin
    I'm amazed you have the gall to say
    you'll destroy the world like that.
[14:08] Gin
    Hey!
[14:08] Gin
    Say something, Takasugi...
[14:16] Gin
    Takasugi, since when?
[14:19] Gin
    Oh, is that why you want
    to destroy the world?
[14:22] Hij
    Yeah, right! Dumbass!
[14:24] Gin
    Hang on. Try saying your catchphrase.
[14:27] Tak
    I'll just destroy this rotten world.
[14:30] Gin
    Louder! Put your heart in it!
[14:32] Tak
    I'll just destroy this stinky world!
[14:35] Gin
    Louder! In your own words!
[14:37] G
    Ni hao fan a, ben dan!
[14:37] Top
    "Drop it already, jerk!"
[14:39] G
    Wo zen me zhi dao a, bai chi!
[14:39] Top2
    "How would I know, dumbass?!"
[14:40] Gin
    Okay, got it.
[14:42] Gin
    Takasugi, you've been going to
    a language school, haven't you?
[14:44] Hij
    No, he's just someone else!
[14:46] G
    There I was, doing my job, when
    a one-eyed man threatened me.
[14:50] Hij
    I see. So that was already
    somebody else, huh?
[14:54] Hij
    I should've known it was too
    dumb a plan for Takasugi.
[14:58] Gin
    Then where's the real one
    now? What's he doing?
[15:01] G
    Mom, that bear isn't giving me a balloon.
[15:03] G
    Probably doing my job in my place.
[15:06] Hij
    That's just as dumb!
[15:10] Gin
    All right. I'll use this disguise for now.
[15:13] Gin
    He may be a terrorist, but
    he's better than Hentai Kamen.
[15:18] Gin
    Uh, this is the first thing that happens
    after Takasugi Shinsfake is born?!
[15:22] Gin
    Just how much do people hate him?!
[15:24] Sac
    I dare you to take one more
    step, Takasugi Shinsuke.
[15:28] Sac
    I'll riddle you with holes!
[15:33] Gin
    Sacchan?
[15:35] Gin
    Y-You've got the wrong guy, miss.
[15:39] Gin
    Takasugi's one-eyed, remember?
[15:41] Gin
    Look, I have both my eyes...
[15:43] Sac
    Sorry, but I don't care
    how many eyes you have.
[15:49] Gin
    Th-That so?
[15:51] Gin
    I'm impressed you noticed this
    fake eye from so far away.
[15:56] Gin
    Dun dun!
[15:56] Gin
    That's right. I'm the man famous for
    "I'll destroy the world," Trold Takasugi.
[16:01] Gin
    What about it?
[16:02] Hij
    He's going with that? He's trying
    to get through this as Shinsfake?
[16:07] Sac
    Where is Sakata Gintoki now?
[16:12] Gin
    Didn't he abandon Edo?
    He won't be coming back, then.
[16:16] Gin
    Dun dun!
[16:17] Gin
    He never laid roots in any one place, anyway.
[16:22] Sac
    Don't you get it? I'm telling you
    that playing dumb won't work.
[16:24] Gin
    Look in my eyes.
[16:26] Gin
    Dun dun!
[16:27] Gin
    Do I look like I'm playing dumb?
[16:30] Hij
    That's all you look like!
[16:32] Hij
    And you're dun dun-ing too much, Shinsfake.
[16:34] Gin
    I never lie.
[16:36] Gin
    Dun dun!
[16:36] Gin
    Indians never lie, either.
[16:39] Hij
    Did that really need a dun dun? You're
    leaning too hard on that, Shinsfake!
[16:42] Gin
    Can I go now? I need to duntroy the world.
[16:46] Hij
    What the hell does "duntroy" mean?!
[16:49] Sac
    Hold it.
[16:50] Gin
    Give it up.
[16:52] Gin
    Forget about him already.
[16:54] Gin
    There's no point in waiting for him.
[16:56] Sac
    Oh, really?
[16:57] Sac
    Then I'll forget how to neutralize
    the poison in your body too, okay?
[17:06] Gin
    W-Was it back then?!
[17:08] Sac
    If you leave now, you'll be destroyed
    before the world. Are you okay with that?
[17:13] Sac
    Dun dun!
[17:14] Sac
    You'll die spewing excreta from
    every orifice in your body.
[17:18] Hij
    A real dun dun!
[17:20] Hij
    That's the correct way to dun dun!
[17:21] Gin
    Dun dun!
[17:22] Gin
    Come to think of it, I saw a
    silver-haired guy over there earlier.
[17:26] Hij
    That's his most convincing dun dun yet.
[17:29] Sac
    Dun dun!
[17:30] Sac
    Lead me there.
[17:32] Sac
    I'll follow the crap you leave on
    the trail, Dumpsel and Peetel.
[17:36] Hij
    But it's still no match for a real dun dun.
[17:40] Sac
    I'm not giving you the antidote
    until I see Sakata Gintoki.
[17:45] Gin
    You need an escort? How pampered are you?
[17:48] Gin
    But can you really tame this dark beast?
[17:51] Gin
    Did you remember to bring a
    plastic bag and water with you?
[17:54] Sac
    Of course. It's basic etiquette for
    an owner to clean up after their pet.
[17:58] Hij
    Is he a chihuahua?
    He's just a black chihuahua!
[18:01] Hij
    He can't even walk!
    What's the chihuahua gonna do?
SIGN    Oedo Mart
    All Noodles 20% Off
[18:05] Gin
    I-I think I saw Gintoki
    in that convenience store.
[18:09] Gin
    Chun chun!
[18:10] Hij
    What the hell is "chun chun"?!
    The chihuahua's at his limit!
[18:14] Gin
    Huh? I don't see him.
[18:17] Gin
    I guess I should check the toilet, too.
[18:22] Shuwa
    Occupied.
[18:24] Gin
    Oh, sorry about that.
SIGN    Oedo Mart
    All Noodles 20% Off
[18:26] Gin
    L-Looks like this is the
    wrong convenience store.
[18:30] Gin
    That one, maybe?
[18:32] G
    Occupied.
[18:33] G
    Occupied!
SIGN    Occupied.
[18:37] G
    Oc...
[18:37] G
    Oc...
[18:38] G
    Oc...
[18:38] G
    Oc...
[18:39] G
    Occupied.
[18:43] Gin
    Don't tell me...
[18:45] Gin
    You put ninja in every one of Edo's toilets?
[18:47] Gin
    How could you?!
[18:50] Sac
    There wasn't just one guy
    who vanished without a word.
[19:01] (Flashback) Sac
    Where are you going, Zenzo?
[19:06] (Flashback) Zen
    Now that the world's peaceful,
[19:08] (Flashback) Zen
    I'm the biggest danger to the princess.
[19:12] (Flashback) Zen
    And besides, the Oniwaban have you, Sarutobi.
[19:20] (Flashback) Sac
    Why are all you men like this?
[19:23] (Flashback) Sac
    Can't you say "wait for me" before you go?
[19:27] (Flashback) Zen
    Sarutobi.
[19:28] (Flashback) Zen
    Even if we did, would you really
    just sit tight and wait?
[19:35] (Flashback) Sac
    I guess not.
[19:39] (Flashback) Sac
    So I want your help, guys.
[19:42] (Flashback) Sac
    I may not be as strong as Zenzo, our leader,
[19:46] (Flashback) Sac
    but with your help, we can do this!
[19:52] (Flashback) Sac
    As Ninja Master Sarutobi Ayame, I order you!
[19:55] (Flashback) Sac
    Find Sakata Gintoki and have him marry me!
[19:58] Hij
    All she did was use the
    ninja for her own goals!
[20:02] Sac
    I will not let you have Sakata Gintoki.
[20:05] Sac
    This is his home.
[20:09] Sac
    If he won't return, I'll
    bring him back by force.
[20:12] Sac
    Because he never even told me
    to wait for him, after all.
[20:18] Gin
    Fine, I get it.
[20:21] Gin
    Do you wanna see him that badly?
[20:25] Hij
    That peaceful look on his face...
[20:28] Gin
    You can see him, then.
[20:31] Gin
    I saw him in the underwear
    section of that store.
[20:37] Hij
    Wait a second... Is he trying
    to change his underwear?
[20:40] Hij
    Did he let it all go? Is that
    a smile of satisfaction?
[20:43] Gin
    Follow me.
[20:45] Hij
    He's walking weird! His sash is way too low!
[20:48] Hij
    Is he trying to stop it from dripping down?!
[20:51] Sac
    Isn't the poison affecting you?
[20:53] Gin
    Did you really think it'd
    stop me, the Takasugi?
[20:56] Gin
    I expunged it all through my anus.
[20:58] Hij
    You're just confessing
    to shitting your pants!
[21:02] Sac
    I don't see him anywhere.
[21:04] Gin
    Hey, piggy!
[21:06] Sac
    That voice!
[21:09] Gin
    Hey, you can keep the change,
[21:10] Gin
    so hurry up and get me a full set
    of clothes, including underwear!
[21:13] Hij
    He's so slow! This is his
    chance, but he's so slow!
[21:16] Hij
    He really did let it all go!
[21:19] Hij
    Paper diapers is all you could afford?!
[21:22] Sac
    Takasugi!
[21:23] Sac
    Where are you?!
[21:28] Gin
    The chain got caught on a mannequin!
[21:30] Sac
    Over there?!
[21:34] Sac
    Found y—
[21:36] Hij
    He went back to square one!
[21:39] Sac
    Huh? What're you doing here, Tsukky?
[21:44] Tsu
    Well, I accompanied Kyubei
    here on her shopping trip,
[21:48] Tsu
    and I wound up tangled in this weird chain.
[21:50] Kyu
    Tae-chan, why'd I have to
    take my underwear off, too?
[21:53] Tae
    You aren't supposed to wear
    panties under kimono.
[21:56] Kyu
    But I'm just trying these on...
[21:58] Kyu
    Huh?
[22:00] Kyu
    Tsukuyo-dono, I can't find my underwear.
[22:03] Kyu
    Did you see...
[22:14] Gin
    Dun dun!
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
[23:49] Tae
    She says she'll avenge your panties.
SIGN    There Are Lines Even
    Villains Can't Cross
[23:51] Tsu
    This is how Yoshiwara does things now.
SIGN    Kyubei's panties have been sullied!!
SIGN    How will Shinsfake overcome this perilous situation?
SIGN    And those of you nervously excited for other reasons,
SIGN    hold on to that feeling and look forward to the next episode...

E367 - There Are Lines Even Villains Can't Cross

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Watch the Silver Soul arc in a bright
    room and at a safe distance from the TV!!!!!
[00:09] Hij
    Damn, I totally lost them.
[00:13] Hij
    Hey, Yamazaki. Get your ass here, now.
[00:16] Hij
    I'll give you the exact location later.
[00:20] Sei
    Looking for something, sir?
[00:22] Sei
    If it's cute girls you want,
    I know just the place.
[00:27] Hij
    I'm looking for a woman with an
    eyepatch, one with a facial scar,
[00:30] Hij
    a perverted ninja, and a female gorilla.
SIGN    Yoshiwara Guide Service
[00:32] [Messenger] Sign
    Trust and Excellence
    No.1 in Customer Satisfaction!!
[00:34] Sei
    Give it up, sir.
[00:36] Sei
    Ain't an ordinary man in this world
    who can handle those crazies.
[00:38] Sei
    You won't even have butt hair
    when they're done with you.
[00:41] Hij
    That sounds terrifying.
[00:43] Hij
    And you're working in such a terrifying town.
[00:47] Hij
    How old are you, kid?
[00:48] Sei
    Th-The hell?!
SIGN    Yoshiwara Guide Service
[00:48] [Messenger] Sign
    Trust and Excellence
    No.1 in Customer Satisfaction!!
[00:49] Sei
    You can't show that off here!
    Have some common sense!
[00:53] Sei
    I bet you're not popular with the ladies—
[00:55] Sei
    Ow!
[00:56] Hin
    What are you yelping about?
[00:58] Hin
    Good grief.
[01:01] Hin
    You're the one ruining this place's
    reputation with a lack of common sense, Seita.
[01:06] Sei
    Mom...
[01:08] Sac
    The Shangri-La of Yoshiwara is now a
    government-recognized tourist spot, huh?
[01:13] Tsu
    Two years ago, this place sheltered
    civilians from the flames of war.
[01:18] Tsu
    I suppose that paid off.
[01:20] Sac
    But even in broad daylight,
[01:22] Sac
    the relationship between men and
    women ain't all that different.
[01:27] Sac
    Day or night,
[01:30] Sac
    the Hyakka will always be
    the champions of women.
[01:33] Hin
    There you have it.
[01:34] Hin
    The one running this town now
[01:36] Hin
    is the former Courtesan of Death
    turned Courtesan of the Sun, Tsukuyo.
[01:41] Hin
    Make sure you never disrespect
    women where her scar can see it.
[01:47] Hin
    You'll be whisked away to a
    world with no day or night.
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Silver Soul
SIGN    If you missed the last episode,
SIGN    this visual probably shocked you, but don't worry.
SIGN    This guy right here?
SIGN    That's Gin-san.
SIGN    Silver Soul Arc
SIGN    There Are Lines Even Villains Can't Cross
[03:40] Tsu
    An enemy to women is an enemy to Yoshiwara.
[03:43] Tsu
    Let me teach that guy a lesson.
[03:45] Tae
    Aren't you glad, Kyu-chan?
[03:48] Tae
    She says she'll get revenge for your panties.
[03:50] Sac
    What? Those were your panties?
[03:52] Sac
    I thought you'd be wearing
    a loincloth or something,
[03:55] Sac
    but your underwear is actually normal, huh?
[03:56] Tae
    Anyway, it's good that there
    are no stains or anything.
[04:00] Tae
    It's truly important to change
    your underwear every day.
[04:03] Sac
    Huh? Do I see some hair over there?
[04:06] Tae
    Nah, that's the hair on
    his head sticking out.
[04:10] Sac
    Huh? But I see a red stain there...
[04:12] Tae
    That's from when we beat him up.
[04:14] Kyu
    How long are you gonna keep wearing
    that, anyway? Give it back!
[04:19] Kyu
    Not the diapers!
[04:21] Tae
    He's grown completely defiant.
[04:23] Tae
    Takasugi, was it?
[04:25] Tae
    I hear he used to have a final-boss
    aura whenever he appeared.
[04:29] Sac
    A real shocker, right?
[04:30] Sac
    What happened to him?
[04:32] Sac
    Where did he go wrong?
[04:34] Tae
    Must've been when he put
    those panties on his head.
[04:37] Tae
    There are lines even villains can't cross.
[04:40] Sac
    Of course you'd be demoted from final
    boss if you wore panties on your head.
[04:43] Tae
    No, maybe he wore them because
    he was demoted from final boss.
[04:48] Sac
    I just happened to be having a
    hard time with him, actually.
[04:51] Sac
    I believe he came to Edo with Gin-san.
[04:56] Sac
    But he just wouldn't talk.
[04:58] Sac
    I hope you can get him to spill where
    Gin-san is while you teach him a lesson.
[05:03] Kyu
    Gintoki's back in Edo?
[05:04] Tae
    Why won't he come see us, then?
[05:07] Sac
    I don't know. Maybe he has his reasons.
[05:10] Hij
    It's because he's over there
    with panties on his head.
[05:14] Hij
    Shinsfake's got his back to the wall now.
[05:17] Gin
    Stupid broads. It's pointless
    trying to embarrass me.
[05:22] Sac
    Uh, I'd say you're just
    embarrassing yourself here.
[05:25] Gin
    Because I'm both Takasugi
    and not at the same time.
[05:30] Gin
    In other words, no matter how much
    you humiliate Takasugi Shinsuke,
[05:33] Gin
    it won't hurt me at all...
[05:35] Gin
    Hey, wait! Hear me out!
[05:39] Gin
    C-Come on! That hurts, damn it!
[05:41] H
    So it does hurt you after all?
[05:43] Gin
    That's not it! I meant it
    wouldn't hurt me mentally!
[05:46] Tae
    Uh, I have no idea what you're talking about.
[05:49] Sac
    You keep spouting delusional
    lines without backing them up.
[05:52] Sac
    That's why you were demoted from final boss.
[05:54] Gin
    That's going too far! Apologize to Takasugi!
[05:56] Hij
    No, you apologize.
[05:57] Gin
    Fine! Bring on the torture or whatever!
[06:01] Gin
    Just know that it'll make you
    bigger disgraces than me!
[06:06] Gin
    Worse than a terrorist in diapers with
    panties on his head! Serves you right!
[06:09] Gin
    What's wrong?
[06:10] Gin
    Don't tell me you hung me up here without
    being prepared to follow through.
[06:14] Tsu
    Sorry, but Yoshiwara
    ain't a place of torture.
[06:18] Tsu
    This is a red-light district.
[06:20] Tsu
    We entertain men here, not make them suffer.
[06:28] Gin
    You liar! This is water torture!
[06:30] Tsu
    That ain't water.
[06:34] Gin
    L-Lotion?
[06:37] Gin
    Tallgeese!
[06:42] W
    Welcome!
[06:45] Tsu
    Ladies of Yoshiwara, we
    have a bigshot guest today.
[06:49] Tsu
    Use your skills and experience
    to give him the warmest welcome.
[06:54] Gin
    H-Hey, wait! What's all this?
[06:56] W
    Hello there, handsome!
[06:59] Gin
    Hey, Gran! Where are you touching?!
[07:01] Gin
    Stop it! Gross!
[07:02] Gin
    Oh... Wait... Not there!
[07:06] Sac
    Huh? What's going on here, Tsukky?
[07:08] Tsu
    This is how Yoshiwara does things now.
[07:11] Tsu
    Demons of lust are made to drown in women.
[07:16] W
    Welcome!
[07:18] W
    Welcome back, Master!
[07:22] Tsu
    And what lies beyond that lust...
[07:25] Tae
    Oh, he's back.
[07:32] Gin
    What's sexy about boobs, anyway?
[07:35] Gin
    Why are there two of them?
[07:37] Tae
    He's a sage now.
[07:38] Gin
    Hmm? What's this cloth doing here?
[07:41] Gin
    Get it off.
[07:42] Kyu
    How could you?!
[07:43] Tae
    Freed from his worldly desires,
    he's at the gates of enlightenment.
[07:47] Tsu
    Hey, has some of your evil been washed away?
[07:49] Tsu
    Then answer me.
[07:51] Tsu
    Is it true that you were
    traveling with Gintoki?
[07:55] Gin
    As I am now, both that and boobs
    come across as pair of trifling matters.
[08:01] Gin
    Speaking of which, why
    do boobs come in pairs?
[08:04] Sac
    Our sage has lost interest in everything.
[08:07] Sac
    And why does he keep talking about boobs?
[08:09] Tae
    Let's make him take another
    lap and forget about boobs.
[08:12] Kyu
    Wait. Two laps, one for each boob.
[08:20] Hij
    Uh, the enlightened one is screaming.
[08:23] Sac
    Three laps around hell will
    surely make him a better man.
[08:26] Tsu
    Don't call it hell, Sarutobi!
[08:28] Tae
    Oh, he's back from his pilgrimage.
[08:30] Tsu
    Don't call it a pilgrimage, Otae!
[08:36] Tae
    God?
[08:37] Gin
    I am naught.
SIGN    I am naught.
[08:39] Gin
    I am empty.
SIGN    I am empty.
[08:40] Sac
    Uh, I think we went way too far.
[08:43] Tae
    A lap for each boob was too much for him.
[08:45] Tae
    We should've left one boob.
[08:48] Gin
    I hath no interest in boobs.
SIGN    I hath no interest in boobs.
[08:51] Tae
    See?
[08:52] Kyu
    You know, he still seems
    to be hung up on boobs.
[08:55] Tsu
    Hey, is Gintoki...
[08:57] Gin
    All is vanity. All is vanity.
SIGN    All is vanity.
SIGN    All is vanity.
[08:59] Tsu
    Nope. We're not getting anything out of him.
[09:01] Gin
    I am naught.
SIGN    I am naught.
[09:03] Gin
    I am empty.
SIGN    I am empty.
[09:05] Gin
    Boobs art two.
SIGN    Boobs art two.
[09:06] Kyu
    Look, his head's filled
    with nothing but boobs!
[09:08] Sac
    Oh, well.
[09:10] Sac
    Let's stimulate his lust
    and turn him back a little.
[09:13] Sac
    Tsukky, take the grannies' place in
    there and let him fondle your boobs.
[09:18] Tsu
    Why me?!
[09:19] Sac
    Well, I can't do it. I'm
    getting married to Gin-san.
[09:22] Sac
    And Kyubei-san can't handle
    being touched by a man.
[09:25] Tae
    Sarutobi-san, why was I not considered?
[09:29] Gin
    Tae doth be naught.
SIGN    Tae doth be naught
[09:30] Gin
    Boobs art zero.
SIGN    Boobs art
SIGN    zero.
[09:32] Tae
    Hey! What happened to "boobs art two"?
[09:34] Tae
    What do you mean, "zero"?!
[09:36] Tae
    Now I'm mad. I'm gonna go.
[09:38] Kyu
    Wait, Tae-chan!
[09:39] Tae
    Don't stop me. I have my
    pride as a woman, too.
[09:42] Kyu
    That's not it.
[09:44] Kyu
    Okay, I'm on standby.
[09:45] Sac
    How would you fondling her help?
[09:48] Sac
    Kyubei-san...
[09:49] Sac
    You said you were ready for arranged
    marriage, but you haven't changed at all.
[09:52] Kyu
    But I can't let that pervert defile Tae-chan!
[09:55] Tsu
    Okay, fine.
[09:56] Tsu
    You're right. This is a job for me.
[09:59] Tae
    Tsukuyo-san?
[10:06] Gin
    Why?
SIGN    Why?
SIGN    Why go so far...
[10:07] Gin
    Why go so far...
[10:10] Gin
    Courtesan of Boobs?
SIGN    Courtesan of Boobs?
[10:11] Tsu
    Who're you calling Courtesan of Boobs?!
[10:15] (Flashback) Hin
    You're such a fool, really.
[10:20] (Flashback) Hin
    You could've gone after him, you know?
[10:24] (Flashback) Tsu
    Hinowa.
[10:26] (Flashback) Tsu
    Once Yoshiwara sees the light of day,
    it will gradually turn into a normal town.
[10:32] (Flashback) Tsu
    That may be a joyous occasion,
[10:36] (Flashback) Tsu
    but I'd be a little sad...
[10:38] (Flashback) Tsu
    Living life watching the things
    I know change and go away.
[10:43] (Flashback) Tsu
    Leaving the people I was meant to see
    the future with and walking on alone.
[10:49] (Flashback) Tsu
    But that's exactly why I
    have to see it all through.
[10:53] (Flashback) Tsu
    See how those things end,
    and what they give birth to.
[10:58] Tsu
    And one day, when he does come back to us,
[11:02] Tsu
    I want to tell him all about it.
[11:05] Tsu
    That way, he can walk with us again.
[11:11] Tsu
    So please tell me.
[11:13] Tsu
    Where is he now? What
    does he have his eyes on?
[11:17] Tsu
    Is it the past, or is it the future?
[11:24] Tae
    He started a lap by himself.
[11:27] Sac
    Did she get through to him?
[11:29] Sac
    Maybe he went to get himself
    ready for spilling the beans.
[11:33] Tsu
    Oh.
[11:34] Tsu
    He's... back?
[11:40] Tae
    What kind of enlightenment is this?!
[11:42] Sac
    He just passed through
    the gates of Kntucky!
[11:45] Kyu
    Do you want to be thrown in a pot and fried?!
[11:48] Tae
    Wait... Where have I seen this Clonel before?
[11:52] Hij
    You moron!
[11:54] Hij
    I told you to keep watch! Where'd he go?!
[11:57] Kyu
    Huh?
[11:57] Tae
    It's you!
[11:59] Ymz
    I'm sorry, Hijikata-san.
[12:01] Ymz
    I was pretending to be a statue
    and keeping watch over there,
[12:07] Ymz
    but he ran away.
[12:11] Gin
    That was close!
[12:12] Gin
    I was about to attain enlightenment
    and tell them everything!
[12:20] (Flashback) Tae
    But I would've wanted him to see it.
[12:23] (Flashback) Tae
    You in a wedding dress...
[12:27] (Flashback) Sac
    I will not let you have Sakata Gintoki.
[12:30] (Flashback) Sac
    This is his home.
[12:34] (Flashback) Tsu
    That way, he can walk with us again.
[12:42] Gin
    Damn it all...
[12:45] Gin
    What the hell am I doing?
[12:50] W
    Odd Jobs.
[12:52] W
    Thank you so very much.
[12:56] W
    Goodbye, then.
[13:11] Gin
    Shinpa...
[13:26] Shin
    Hold it!
[13:28] Shin
    I don't know what's going on, but ganging
    up on someone isn't a good look.
[13:34] Shin
    More than anything, I won't stand
    for you sullying these streets
[13:39] Shin
    with your violence.
[13:41] Gin
    Cut!
[13:44] Gin
    Okay, we're out of time. Wrap it up.
[13:48] Gin
    Let's move on to the next segment!
[13:50] Shin
    Wait...
[13:51] Shin
    That was a really great
    scene in the manga, too!
[13:52] Gin
    Okay, so on that note...
[13:53] Gin
    We know the show's still only halfway
    through, but change of plans.
[13:55] Shin
    Huh? The next segment?
[13:57] Shin
    What do you mean, the next segment?
[13:57] Gin
    After this, the Gintama anime
    will air an emergency special.
[13:59] Shin
    What the hell's going on?!
[14:00] Gin
    But first, some ads.
[14:09] Someone
    What? It was such a nice scene, too.
[14:13] Gin
    Order!
[14:14] Gin
    Order in the court!
[14:16] Gin
    Court is now in session for the trial.
[14:19] Shin
    Wait a second, Gin-san!
[14:20] Shin
    What's all this? What are you trying to do?!
[14:23] Gin
    Shinpachi-kun, stop making a fuss in the
    courtroom. I'll cut your screen time.
[14:27] Shin
    You just did earlier!
[14:29] Kag
    At least you got some time!
[14:32] Shin
    Kagura-chan?
[14:33] Kag
    I didn't even get to show up!
    What're you gonna do about this?!
[14:36] Shin
    That's right!
[14:38] Shin
    And what trial? What have we done wrong?!
[14:41] Gin
    That's what we're trying to clear up here.
SIGN    Gintama Ending Scam Trial
[14:45] Gin
    So let's begin the Gintama Ending Scam Trial.
[14:49] Shin
    Gintama Ending Scam Trial?!
[14:51] Gin
    Some of you watching at home may have
    noticed from the program guide already.
[14:58] Gin
    This is the Gintama anime's...
[15:00] Gin
    last episode.
[15:04] Ymz
    What? It's ending today?
[15:06] Hij
    Seriously? That's so abrupt!
[15:09] Gin
    Order!
[15:10] Gin
    You're exactly right.
[15:13] Gin
    If the viewers went, "What
    are the anime staff doing?
[15:17] Gin
    You're supposed to figure out the perfect
    length. Are you messing with us?
[15:20] Gin
    You need to read the manga,
    calculate the right pacing,
[15:22] Gin
    use appropriate cliffhangers to
    stretch the plot across weeks,
[15:25] Gin
    get the manuscripts from the
    editor before Jump's release day,
[15:29] Gin
    and work on the series structure,"
[15:31] Gin
    that harsh criticism would be well-deserved.
[15:35] Shin
    Uh, the common viewer
    wouldn't know that much.
[15:37] Gin
    But while this may sound like an excuse,
[15:41] Gin
    that's not it!
[15:42] Gin
    It's not like that!
[15:44] Shin
    Seriously, what's with you?
[15:46] Shin
    Who are you speaking for?
[15:47] Gin
    There's a very good reason the
    anime's ending so abruptly today!
[15:54] Gin
    To explain this, we must rewind
    the clock to three years ago.
[15:58] Shin
    That far back? This has been
    three years in the making?!
[16:03] Gin
    And here we have the third season of the
    anime, which began airing April 2015.
[16:09] Gin
    The series made its return around two
    years after the Final Chapter movie.
[16:13] Gin
    At this point, the manga side had
    already told the anime staff this:
[16:18] Gin
    "The manga will end soon."
[16:23] Sac
    W-Wait a second.
[16:25] Tsu
    Three whole years ago?
[16:27] Kyu
    You mean...
[16:28] Tae
    Season 3 started because
    the manga was ending?
[16:31] Gin
    Order in the court!
[16:34] Gin
    That's right, actually.
[16:36] Gin
    Season 3 was planned to be a year-long
    series that would end around
[16:40] Gin
    the same time as the manga.
[16:43] Gin
    In order to make that possible,
[16:45] Gin
    the anime staff reluctantly decided
    to skip a few small comedy arcs.
[16:50] Gin
    This was done to give Gintama the greatest
    finale possible and make the viewers happy.
[16:55] Gin
    It was a decision borne out of great passion!
[16:58] Shin
    Seriously, who are you talking for?
[16:59] Shin
    And why is it raining money?
    Can we really believe you?!
[17:03] Gin
    However!
[17:04] Gin
    Instead of ending, the manga
    made a shocking reveal
[17:07] Gin
    and expanded the story with
    several new developments.
[17:09] Shin
    Why'd you make it look like Ir°sutoya?!
[17:11] Gin
    And the anime ran out of time with
    the Shinsengumi saying farewell.
[17:16] Gin
    So on that note,
[17:17] Gin
    the Shinsengumi are found
    guilty for wasting episodes.
[17:20] Gin
    Hijikata Toshiro is sentenced to death.
[17:21] Hij
    Why?!
[17:22] Hij
    The Shinsengumi are victims in this, too!
[17:25] Hij
    And why am I the only one sentenced to death?
[17:27] Hij
    Wait... Hey!
[17:29] Gin
    After that, the anime producer ran around
    trying to procure an additional time slot,
[17:35] Gin
    but staying in the evening time
    slot proved next to impossible,
[17:38] Gin
    and the stress made him visit
    cabaret clubs more often,
[17:40] Gin
    leading to friction in his family.
[17:43] Shin
    What did this have to do with cabaret clubs?
[17:44] Gin
    Even in the midst of such chaos,
    we somehow raised funds
[17:48] Gin
    and cleverly moved to a late-night
    time slot to make a comeback!
[17:55] Gin
    And that was Season 4 here, which
    began with the Battle on Rakuyo.
[17:59] Gin
    We started working toward the
    finale, this time for sure.
[18:01] Gin
    However!
[18:03] Gin
    Rather than tying the loose ends,
    the story expanded to space
[18:06] Gin
    and showed off the stupid
    cue ball dad's love story.
[18:11] Gin
    So on that note,
[18:13] Gin
    the stupid cue ball is found guilty, too.
[18:14] Gin
    Death to his hair roots.
[18:15] UB
    N-No! Anything but my hair roots!
[18:18] Kag
    Uh, your hair roots have
    already been executed.
[18:21] Gin
    At this point, the anime staff decided
    to see what the manga was doing
[18:24] Gin
    and build up a buffer of material by
    switching strategies to buy time.
[18:28] Gin
    We used the hype surrounding the
    live-action movie announcement as cover,
SIGN    Yorinuke! Gintama-san
    Flashback Collection
[18:32] Gin
    bought time with some re-airs,
[18:35] Gin
    and aired new material using the
    short comedy arcs they'd skipped.
[18:39] Gin
    They were all stopgap measures
    we came up with on the fly,
[18:42] Gin
    but we made it seem very natural,
    like it'd been our plan all along.
[18:48] Shin
    No, you didn't! Adapting comedy arcs
    at that point felt really weird!
[18:53] Gin
    And around then,
SIGN    Manga Editor (at the time)
SIGN    Poison Mushroom Manabe
[18:54] Gin
    the manga's editor at the time, Poison
    Mushroom Manabe (Idol Otaku), told us this:
[19:00] Manabe
    The manga will end this time for sure.
[19:03] Gin
    The anime staff trusted his words,
[19:05] Gin
    and despite the tiny budget and the
    harsh schedule they had due to waiting,
[19:10] Gin
    they believed the third time's the charm
    and began adapting a new long arc.
[19:14] Gin
    And that's how it started...
[19:17] Gin
    The Silver Soul Arc, which was
    supposed to be the final long arc.
[19:21] Gin
    However! However!
[19:24] Gin
    The story didn't end at all!
[19:26] Gin
    While this season was one cours,
    we got the time slot for 14 episodes,
[19:30] Gin
    so some delay would still be okay,
[19:32] Gin
    or so we thought, but the story went
    way past that and still didn't end!
[19:35] Gin
    "We even made the perfect opening
    and ending for a finale.
[19:39] Gin
    What do we do now?
[19:40] Gin
    Is this really gonna end? Can it end?"
[19:43] Gin
    That's how we felt, and we
    expressed those feelings frankly.
SIGN    Pretended to go out for work but instead went to see a play where Nagasawa Masami wore a racy costume.
SIGN    Manabe
[19:46] Gin
    And then, Editor D*ck said...
[19:51] Manabe
    Uh, it doesn't look like
    it's ending soon at all.
[19:53] Gin
    Huh?
[19:54] Manabe
    Also, the manga's weekly
    serialization is going to stop soon.
[19:57] Gin
    Huh?
[19:58] Manabe
    Also, I won't be editing it anymore.
[20:01] Gin
    What?!
[20:03] Gin
    Instead of walking in step, one leg is
    disappearing just before the finish line?!
[20:08] Gin
    So on that note, Hasegawa
    Taizo is sentenced to death!
[20:10] Mad
    What? Me?! Where did that come from?!
[20:13] Gin
    For suddenly acting like Chief
    of Immigration while unemployed,
[20:16] Gin
    your gaudy outfit,
[20:18] Gin
    and pissing me off by cockily showing up in
    the live-action TV show and stage events.
[20:22] Kag
    That even got on my nerves.
[20:24] Shin
    No objections.
[20:25] Mad
    Why am I the only one getting this treatment?!
[20:29] Shin
    But Gin-san...
[20:30] Shin
    If what you said so far is true,
[20:32] Shin
    the one who really deserves punishment...
[20:34] Kag
    ...is him. It's gotta be him.
[20:37] Gin
    You did well to notice, Shinpachi, Kagura.
[20:40] Gin
    That's right. The real accused in
    this Gintama Ending Scam Trial...
[20:47] Gin
    is this man, the gorilla mangaka!
[20:50] Sor
    I wanna be a steamed cheese bun.
[20:53] Sor
    Defendant... Well, we more or less know
    you're getting sentenced to death,
[20:57] Sor
    but is there anything you'd like to say?
[20:59] Sor
    Now is your chance to apologize,
    you know. Defendant?
[21:04] Shin
    Ew! He pulled something out!
[21:06] Gin
    Oh, it's another of those things.
[21:08] Gin
    Kagura, you can forget your
    role again and read it out.
[21:17] Kugyuu
    "To all the anime viewers,
    and the anime staff.
[21:23] Kugyuu
    Due to my dirty tackle, I have caused
    you tons of trouble, and I'm so...
[21:30] Kugyuu
    Huh? It's not tackle?
[21:32] Kugyuu
    It's the other thing?
[21:34] Kugyuu
    The *******, then?
[21:36] Kugyuu
    Huh? That was actually a huge disaster?
[21:38] Kugyuu
    I shouldn't bring it up again?
[21:40] Kugyuu
    Oh, I know.
[21:41] Kugyuu
    The last letter, when I revealed that
    Fujita, the previous director, had divorced.
[21:45] Kugyuu
    He's actually mad about
    that? Is that really so bad?
[21:49] Kugyuu
    I mean, after his divorce, he's now cozying
    up with an instructor 10 years younger.
[21:54] Kugyuu
    What is he being instructed on?
[21:57] Kugyuu
    That's what I'd like to be instructed on.
[21:59] Kugyuu
    Huh? That's not it, either?
[22:01] Kugyuu
    What is it, then?
[22:02] Kugyuu
    I've been too sleepy to watch the anime
    since it moved to late nights, so I dunno.
[22:07] Kugyuu
    What part has it reached now?
[22:09] Kugyuu
    The part where Saito Hajime kills Usui of
    the Ten Swords with the Zero Style Gatotsu?
[22:14] Kugyuu
    That's my personal best bout,
[22:16] Kugyuu
    so I'd be perfectly happy
    if the anime ended there.
[22:19] Kugyuu
    I'm just so filled with
    satisfaction right now.
[22:22] Kugyuu
    I'm not thinking of my next work yet,
[22:25] Kugyuu
    but let's see...
[22:27] Kugyuu
    What if the Black Ships of the Bakumatsu
    were actually alien vessels,
[22:30] Kugyuu
    and the people in that world still grittily
    lived with smiles on their faces?
[22:35] Kugyuu
    That's the kind of story I'd like
    to write, or well, explore in full.
[22:39] Kugyuu
    If we have the chance, let's
    meet again in that next work.
[22:45] Kugyuu
    I've already come up with the title.
[22:47] Kugyuu
    It's a title that'd sound really vulgar
    when spelled slightly differently...
SIGN    Gintama Final: End of Sky
[22:51] Kugyuu
    Gintama Final: End of Sky."
[22:56] Gin
    I shall hereby hand down the verdict.
[22:57] Gin
    The gorilla mangaka is...
[23:01] Gin
    Not guilty!
[23:04] Kag
    What part of that letter
    merited pardoning him?!
[23:07] Shin
    This gorilla never actually
    apologized for anything!
[23:10] Gin
    Okay, pipe down.
[23:12] Gin
    What can ya do? If it's not
    ending, it's not ending.
[23:16] Gin
    So yeah, while it was a
    really sloppy last episode,
[23:21] Gin
    the Gintama Ending Scam Trial
    is over! Court is adjourned!
SIGN    Next Work Preview
SIGN    Gintama Final
SIGN    End of Sky
SIGN    In the Works!
[23:59] Shin
    Yeah, like hell! That's never happening!
SIGN    Thank you very much
SIGN    for being a part of this journey.
SIGN    If the manga's continuing in GIGA, what about the anime...?
[24:10] Sor
    Writing manga is such a pain in the ass!