Season 3

E266 - You Can Never Pause at the Perfect Time

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Begins Shortly
SIGN    Mr. Sakata Gintoki's Public Apology
[00:08] Kag
    We're here live at the press conference
    where Mr. Sakata Gintoki
[00:11] Kag
    is about to issue a public apology for
    the return of the Gintama anime.
[00:46] Kag
    We seem to be running a little late.
SIGN    Please watch this press conference in a bright room
    and at a safe distance from your TV.
[00:57] Kag
    He doesn't seem to be here yet...
[01:01] Kag
    Oh, there he is!
SIGN    Caution: Cameras flashing
[01:15] Gin
    Thank you for taking the time out of
    your busy schedules to be here today.
SIGN    Caution: Cameras flashing
[01:22] Gin
    In light of the Gintama anime's recent failures,
[01:28] Gin
    I, Sakata Gintoki, the protagonist,
[01:30] Gin
    am here to represent all the
    producers and staff of the show
[01:33] Gin
    in publicly apologizing at this press conference.
[01:38] Gin
    First of all, for not ending
    with the final chapter...
[01:42] Gin
    We're very sorry!
SIGN    Caution: Cameras flashing
[01:55] Shin
    Mind if I ask some questions?
[01:57] Gin
    Go ahead.
[02:00] Shin
    Firstly, could you tell us a
    bit about how this happened?
SIGN    Caution: Cameras flashing
[02:04] Shin
    It's too early to be crying!
[02:06] Shin
    You haven't said anything yet!
[02:09] Gin
    I was in disbelief that the movie made
    1.7 billion yen at the box office!
[02:14] Gin
    I had no words to express how
    thankful I was to all our viewers!
[02:21] Gin
    But then those money mongers in
    suits started coming for us again,
[02:27] Gin
    and before I knew it, we went from
    Sunrise to something else entirely!
[02:31] Gin
    What's more, the producer couldn't
    abandon his womanizing ways!
[02:34] Gin
    But the thing is...
[02:36] Gin
    You people don't understand anything!
[02:38] Gin
    What could you possibly
    know about the producer?!
[02:40] Shin
    I have no idea what you're talking about!
[02:42] Gin
    As such, there's something
    I need to tell you all today,
[02:47] Gin
    and here's what it is...
[02:55] Gin
    There. We apologized.
[02:56] Gin
    Gintama will be resuming now, then.
[02:58] Shin
    Screw you!
[02:58] Gin
    Psycho-Pass!
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[04:38] Oto
    I'm only gonna say this once, stupid curly!
[04:41] Oto
    You'll cough up this and last month's rent,
[04:43] Oto
    and you'll do it right now, even if
    you have to sell your kidneys!
[05:04] Gin
    Uh, Gran?
[05:11] Gin
    Look...
[05:13] Gin
    I get it.
[05:16] Gin
    I see the wrinkles on your forehead,
    and your quiet intensity.
[05:19] Gin
    You'll get your rent and
    kidneys next month, okay?
[05:26] Gin
    Gran? Hello?
[05:28] Gin
    You listening to me?
[05:32] Gin
    Knock it off, you old hag!
[05:34] Gin
    You're being annoying!
[05:35] Gin
    How long are you gonna keep
    that filthy expression up?!
[05:38] Gin
    Spare a thought for our viewers at home!
[05:40] Gin
    They can't handle your mug
    for more than three second—
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan Snack Otose
[06:05] Gin
    Uh, this is...
[06:08] Gin
    Pachi-boy!
[06:10] Gin
    Kagura!
[06:14] Both
    Gin-san...
    Gin-chan...
[06:16] Kag
    I knew it.
[06:23] Shin
    Everything's
[06:26] Shin
    stopped moving.
[06:30] Kag
    People, animals, objects, all of it.
[06:33] Gin
    So, you're saying...
[06:36] Gin
    It's all frozen?
SIGN    Sugar Content
[06:39] Gin
    Not just people or objects,
[06:43] Gin
    but time itself?
SIGN    You Can Never Pause at the Perfect Time
[06:55] Gin
    Sure is quiet.
[06:57] Gin
    It's almost as if we're the only
    people in the entire world.
[07:01] Gin
    But now is the time to stay calm.
[07:04] Gin
    Let's analyze this situation with cool heads.
[07:07] Gin
    Basically, what this means is...
[07:10] Gin
    We don't have to pay rent anymore.
[07:13] Shin
    This is not the time for that crap!
[07:16] Gin
    It also means your paydays
    will never come again.
[07:20] Kag
    Screw you! That's illegal!
[07:21] Kag
    Time hasn't stopped for us!
[07:24] Gin
    Maybe it hasn't,
[07:25] Gin
    but our water and gas supply sure has.
[07:28] Shin
    That was your fault, not time's!
[07:31] Shin
    Also, who cares about that right now?
[07:33] Shin
    Time has been frozen in its tracks!
[07:35] Shin
    We're the only ones not affected by it!
[07:37] Shin
    And the anime only just resumed, too!
[07:39] Shin
    How did things end up like this?!
[07:42] Gin
    I'm not sure what's going on,
[07:44] Gin
    but just when I thought I'd gotten
    my hands on an unusual clock,
[07:47] Gin
    it immediately became useless.
[07:50] Shin
    Huh? Why are you worried about that?
[07:52] Kag
    Gin-chan, what is that?
[07:55] Gin
    Isn't it weird?
[07:57] Gin
    I'm pretty sure it's a clock.
[07:59] Gin
    I thought I could sell it for a nice profit.
[08:01] Shin
    Where did you get that?
[08:03] Gin
    I was wasted, so my memory's a bit hazy,
[08:08] Gin
    but on my way home
    after drinking last night...
[08:15] Gin
    I found it lying in the street.
[08:17] Shin
    There's something way more
    crazy lying next to it!
[08:21] Gin
    Come to think of it, I saw a drunkard on
    the ground with his face all flushed, too.
[08:25] Shin
    He wasn't drunk!
[08:27] Shin
    He was bleeding!
[08:29] (Flashback) A
    P-Please...
[08:32] (Flashback) A
    Take care of that for us...
[08:35] (Flashback) A
    Protect the Universal Clock in our stead.
[08:43] (Flashback) A
    It's an ancient clock from the age
    of the gods that has controlled time
[08:48] (Flashback) A
    on billions of worlds since
    the birth of the universe.
[08:53] (Flashback) A
    We, the Watchmen of Time,
    have guarded it for generations,
[08:57] (Flashback) A
    but we're incapable of doing so anymore.
[09:00] (Flashback) A
    If that clock were to fall
    into the hands of humans,
[09:02] (Flashback) A
    the universe's flow of
    time would be disrupted.
[09:04] (Flashback) A
    It would surely cause a massive disaster!
[09:07] (Flashback) A
    I beg of you!
[09:08] (Flashback) A
    Seal the clock where no
    human can ever find—
[09:15] Shin
    He's not even listening
    to the most important bit!
[09:17] Shin
    Don't! Giving him the clock
    is a really bad idea!
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[09:23] (Flashback) Gin
    Ugh, I feel sick.
[09:26] (Flashback) Gin
    My head hurts...
[09:29] (Flashback) Gin
    I can't sleep...
[09:35] (Flashback) Gin
    Morning already...
[09:38] (Flashback) Gin
    I haven't gotten a wink of sleep...
[09:44] (Flashback) Gin
    Shut up! I've been up for ages already!
[09:51] Shin
    It's all your damn fault!
[09:56] Shin
    What is wrong with you?!
[09:58] Shin
    How could you mistake such a valuable
    object for an alarm clock and destroy it?!
[10:02] Kag
    So what are you telling me, moron?
[10:04] Kag
    That the guys protecting this
    clock got into an accident,
[10:07] Kag
    so it ended up in the hands of an
    idiot, leading to this situation?
[10:10] Shin
    Yeah. It sounds unbelievable,
[10:13] Shin
    but that clock's the embodiment
    of the universe's flow of time.
[10:16] Shin
    The reason we're the only ones unaffected...
[10:22] (Flashback) Gin
    Shut up! I've been up for ages already!
[10:26] Shin
    ...is probably because we were
    nearby when it got destroyed.
[10:31] Shin
    Maybe it doesn't affect time in
    the direct vicinity of its user.
[10:35] Shin
    Either way, we have to fix this clock,
[10:39] Shin
    or the world's time will stay frozen,
[10:42] Shin
    and the three of us will be left stranded
    in a different plane of time for eternity!
[10:49] Shin
    What do we do?!
[10:51] Shin
    We can't even ask for help!
    Everyone else is frozen in place!
[10:54] Shin
    There's nothing we can do!
[10:56] Shin
    Our world is done for! And so are we!
[10:58] Shin
    We're finished in the very first episode!
[11:01] Gin
    Pachi-boy, nothing will come of being
    pessimistic when your back is to the wall.
[11:05] Gin
    A samurai must think positively at all times.
[11:09] Gin
    If he does, he is sure to
    find a golden opportunity.
[11:11] Shin
    That's rich, coming from the
    samurai who destroyed the world!
[11:14] Gin
    Sure, the world might stay frozen in
    place forever if we don't do something,
[11:19] Gin
    but look at it from another perspective!
[11:22] Gin
    You've gained the privilege of fondling
    Otsu-chan's boobs forever!
[11:27] Gin
    What kind of golden opportunity is that?!
[11:30] Gin
    You can be pessimistic after you've
    fondled her for about 30,000 years.
[11:33] Gin
    The idea that that's all I
    can do for 30,000 years
[11:35] Gin
    makes me nothing but pessimistic!
[11:36] Gin
    Her boobs would fall off!
[11:38] Gin
    Besides, do you really think I'd
    take advantage of this situation
[11:40] Gin
    to do something that disgusting?
[11:43] Gin
    I'll keep it to three hours.
[11:45] Gin
    All right!
[11:46] Gin
    Then I'll go after Ketsuno Ana's a—
SIGN    Bank of Edo
[11:52] Kag
    Now that I'm a Watchman of Time, don't
    think I'll let you scum do as you please.
[11:57] Kag
    Stop fooling around and start
    robbing that totally unguarded bank.
[12:02] Gin
    W-Wait, Kagura.
[12:04] Gin
    Do you really think I
    came here for no reason?
SIGN    Doll House
SIGN    Doll House
[12:13] Kag
    Old man Gengai's place?
[12:15] Kag
    Are you stupid?
[12:17] Kag
    Yeah, normally he'd be
    able to repair anything.
[12:21] Kag
    But look at that stupid face,
    with his finger frozen up his nose.
[12:24] Kag
    What could he possibly do?
[12:27] Gin
    That's right.
[12:28] Gin
    No matter what we try, it'll all be futile
    unless time starts flowing again.
[12:33] Gin
    In that case, we just need
    to make it flow ourselves.
[12:38] Gin
    This clock can't function
    automatically right now,
[12:41] Gin
    but we can manually move
    its hands with our fingers.
[12:45] Gin
    In other words...
[12:47] Gin
    We can't get time to flow actively again,
[12:52] Gin
    but we can force it along
[12:57] Gin
    and jump to a certain point in the future.
[13:02] Gin
    And then we...
[13:05] Kag
    I get it, Gin-chan!
[13:07] Kag
    We leave this booger geezer the clock,
    along with a note or something.
SIGN    Please fix this clock. -Odd Jobs
[13:14] Shin
    And then, if we move the
    clock's hands forward...
[13:23] Kag
    We'll reach a future where he's fixed the clock!
[13:26] Kag
    The world will be back to normal!
[13:28] Kag
    You're amazing, Gin-chan!
[13:30] Kag
    I never even imagined we could
    use it like a time machine!
[13:33] Gin
    That's right.
[13:34] Gin
    While time's still frozen,
SIGN    Marriage Registration Form Sakata Gintoki Ketsuno Christel
[13:36] Gin
    I just need to get the paperwork done.
SIGN    Today's
    Weather
[13:39] Ch
    Good morning, everyone!
[13:41] Ch
    Let's get right to today's—
SIGN    Today's Husband
[13:52] Gin
    A future where I get to dock with
    Ketsuno Ana's ketsunoana (asshole) awaits!
[13:56] Gin
    All right. You can turn the clock now.
[13:58] Shin
    You were talking about Ketsuno Ana?!
[14:00] Shin
    Knock it off already!
[14:02] Shin
    Don't go around forging documents!
[14:04] Shin
    What happened to fixing the clock?!
[14:06] Gin
    Huh? We can?
[14:07] Shin
    With the same method you
    were plotting evil with!
[14:10] Shin
    Why don't you use that scheming brain
    of yours for society's betterment?!
[14:13] Kag
    Shinpachi, what's that paper in your hand?
SIGN    Boob Fondling Coupons Fondle Fondle Fondle Fondle
[14:15] Kag
    What the hell are boob fondling coupons?
[14:21] Kag
    Forget it.
[14:22] Kag
    I know better than to rely on you scumbags.
[14:25] Kag
    I'll do it myself.
SIGN    Please fix this clock. -Kagura
[14:28] Kag
    All that's left is to move the hands forward.
[14:31] Kag
    The geezer will take care of the rest.
[14:35] Kag
    Now that I look closer, there are
    a bunch of clocks on this thing.
[14:39] Kag
    Which hand should I move?
[14:41] Gin
    How is anybody supposed to know?
[14:44] Shin
    Could it have clocks that go
    by units of days or years?
[14:48] Shin
    We'd better be careful.
[14:51] Kag
    We have no choice but to move it just
    a little bit and see what happens.
[14:56] Kag
    Huh? This is pretty stiff!
[15:02] Kag
    Well? Did anything change?
[15:04] Gin
    Guess nothing will happen while
    he's still picking his nose.
[15:07] Gin
    Try moving it further forward.
[15:19] Both
    That's too far!
[15:22] Shin
    What are you doing, Kagura-chan?!
[15:24] Shin
    You tried too hard!
[15:25] Shin
    We went past Gengai-san's lifespan!
[15:27] Kag
    It's your fault for rushing me.
[15:29] Kag
    And this clock uses some weird
    mechanism based on five-minute units.
[15:32] Kag
    I can't tell how far to move it.
[15:34] Gin
    Maybe you moved the one that goes by
    years and sent us far into the future.
[15:40] Shin
    What are we gonna do?
[15:42] Shin
    Gengai-san died!
[15:43] Shin
    Who'll fix the clock now?
[15:45] Gin
    Settle down. There's still a way.
[15:48] Gin
    If we can manually move the
    hands of the clock forward,
[15:51] Gin
    we should be able to turn them back, too.
[16:02] Kag
    You're right!
[16:03] Kag
    It looks like we can go back to
    the point where the clock broke.
[16:06] Shin
    That's a relief.
[16:08] Shin
    So we can get back to square one, huh?
[16:10] Gin
    This time, let's put the clock where
    the geezer's more likely to see it,
[16:15] Gin
    and carefully move time forward.
[16:18] Kag
    That should do it.
[16:19] Kag
    Here we go.
[16:37] Shin
    Uh, excuse me...
[16:39] Shin
    Now it's not moving far enough.
[16:41] Shin
    He keeps ignoring the clock
    and picking his nose.
[16:44] Shin
    Are we really sure that time's passing here?
[16:46] Gin
    It is.
[16:48] Gin
    It's hard to notice, but he's
    chasing the booger further in.
[16:50] Shin
    How many years is it gonna take
    for anything to change, then?!
[16:53] Kag
    I feel like I've moved the hands far
    enough for a few days to have passed.
[16:57] Shin
    Just how long is he gonna
    keep picking his nose?!
[17:03] Gin
    Hey! He's going really deep!
[17:05] Gin
    Shouldn't we stop him?
[17:06] Gin
    Maybe call an ambulance?
[17:07] Shin
    How can you tell?
[17:08] Shin
    I don't see any changes from when we started!
[17:11] Kag
    We've gotta endure!
[17:13] Kag
    He'll get bored of picking his nose eventually,
    and then he'll notice the clock!
[17:17] Shin
    Look, I don't think any time has passed at all.
[17:20] Shin
    Move the hands to a point
    with some noticeable change.
[17:27] Both
    That's too drastic a change!
[17:30] Shin
    What the hell happened?!
[17:31] Shin
    What the hell happened in between cuts?!
[17:34] Shin
    He was picking his nose right
    here just a moment ago!
[17:36] Shin
    Why is he picking his nose in a portrait now?!
[17:39] Gin
    That's why I asked if we
    should call an ambulance.
[17:42] Gin
    Anybody could've seen this coming.
[17:44] Shin
    Who could see that coming?!
[17:46] Shin
    Where in the world are you gonna find
    someone who chases a booger to his death?!
[17:49] Kag
    Before worrying about the clock, we gotta
    focus on preventing the geezer's death.
[17:57] Kag
    Let's go in smaller increments until we
    get to the moment before his death.
[18:01] Kag
    Here goes.
[18:07] Shin
    Huh? Gengai-san's gone.
[18:10] Gin
    Nah, he's over here.
[18:13] Gen
    I did it!
[18:14] Gen
    I finally did it!
[18:19] Shin
    Is that...
[18:20] Shin
    Does this mean...
[18:21] Shin
    He finished repairing the
    clock right before his death?
[18:24] Shin
    Did we just fail to notice
    that he was working on it?
[18:28] Shin
    Why is the world not back to normal, then?
[18:31] Gin
    That's probably because of the way he died.
[18:35] Gin
    Look at that.
[18:38] Shin
    A t-truck!
[18:40] Gin
    I think the geezer jumped out into the
    street to celebrate finishing the repairs,
[18:45] Gin
    got hit by that truck, and died.
[18:47] Gin
    At the same time, the clock
    must've been destroyed again.
[18:51] Shin
    So if we save Gengai-san here, we can
    get our hands on the repaired clock!
[18:55] Kag
    Yay! Now we can—
[19:01] Shin
    It's just a booger!
[19:04] Shin
    No wonder he was picking
    his nose for that long!
[19:06] Shin
    Just how big a gold nugget was he digging for?!
[19:09] Kag
    Anyway, we've saved his life.
    The booger's been dealt with, too.
[19:14] Kag
    He should be able to focus
    on repairing the clock now.
[19:18] Kag
    Let's try moving a little into the future.
[19:24] W1
    Poor thing.
[19:26] W2
    Apparently something hit
    the truck's windshield,
[19:31] W2
    causing it to crash into the pole.
[19:37] Both
    Hasegawa-san was driving that truck!
[19:40] Shin
    Oh my God!
[19:42] Shin
    Just when we thought we'd saved Gengai-san,
[19:43] Shin
    now Hasegawa-san's dead instead!
[19:46] Kag
    It's your fault for throwing
    the booger at the truck!
[19:49] Shin
    Complain to the man who
    gave birth to that monster!
[19:52] Gin
    Calm down. We've got this.
[19:55] Gin
    We just need to turn back time
    and get that booger again.
[20:01] Gin
    Throwing it into the trash should do the trick.
[20:05] Gin
    Okay, things should definitely
    work out this time.
[20:09] W1
    Poor thing.
[20:11] W2
    Apparently he was sleeping under
    the pole when something suddenly
[20:16] W2
    hit his face and caused
    him to suffocate to death.
[20:21] Both
    He was in the box?!
[20:28] Shin
    Damn, this is too much!
[20:30] Shin
    He has unbelievably bad luck!
[20:32] Kag
    Half-assed resistance won't be enough
    to shake off his cursed fate!
[20:36] Gin
    Forget it. Let's carry him to a place
    far away from the geezer and his booger.
[20:42] All
    One, two...
[20:43] All
    Heave, ho! Heave, ho! Heave, ho!
[20:58] Gin
    He's gotta be fine here.
[21:00] Gin
    He's definitely gonna be fine here.
[21:06] W2
    Apparently he died a natural death.
[21:09] Both
    What do you mean, natural death?!
[21:12] Shin
    There's nothing we can do
    to stop a natural death!
[21:14] Shin
    There's no way to save him!
[21:15] Shin
    What the hell's going on?
[21:16] Shin
    As much as we try to save him,
    death keeps sucking him back in!
[21:19] Gin
    So if we save one, the other will die?
[21:23] Gin
    Damn it. There's gotta be a way.
[21:26] Gin
    There's gotta be a way to save everyone.
[21:31] Gin
    I know it...
[21:34] Gin
    I'm sure of it!
[21:44] Pic
    Special Beam Attack!
[22:06] Shin
    How did the future come to this?!
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Next Episode: Even a Matsui Stick Can't Handle Some Kinds of Dirt
[23:46] Gin
    Next Episode: "Even a Matsui Stick
    Can't Handle Some Kinds of Dirt."

E267 - Even a Matsui Stick Can't Handle Some Kinds of Dirt

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:34] Shin
    Due to a twist of fate,
[01:36] Shin
    Gin-san was entrusted with the Universal Clock,
    which controls time across the universe,
[01:39] Shin
    by the Watchmen of Time.
[01:44] Shin
    However, he accidentally destroyed it,
[01:49] Shin
    causing the universe's time to stop.
[01:53] Shin
    As the only ones left unaffected
    by the laws of time,
[01:56] Shin
    we tried to get the world back on track by
[01:58] Shin
    frantically jumping to various
    points in the past and future.
[02:02] Shin
    But not only did we fail to repair the clock,
[02:04] Shin
    we kept ending up in futures where
    someone met an untimely fate.
[02:08] Shin
    Damn it. There's gotta be a way.
[02:12] Shin
    There's gotta be a way to save everyone.
[02:16] Shin
    I know it...
[02:19] Shin
    I'm sure of it!
[02:27] Gen
    You... still have that much strength in you?!
[02:32] Mad
    I'll die with you!
[02:34] Gen
    Let go!
[02:36] Gen
    I'm sorry.
[02:37] Gen
    I'll never pick my nose again!
[02:40] Mad
    I'm not falling for your tricks again!
[02:45] Pic
    Sorry to keep you waiting.
[02:47] Pic
    Are you ready?
[02:49] Mad
    Do it!
[02:51] Gen
    W-Wait!
[02:54] Pic
    Special Beam Attack!
SIGN    Even a Matsui Stick Can't Handle Some Kinds of Dirt
[03:25] Gin
    This is hopeless.
[03:26] Gin
    No matter how many times we try,
    we keep reaching a future where
[03:29] Gin
    either the geezer or Hasegawa-san dies.
[03:31] Shin
    How did the future come to this?!
[03:33] Shin
    Also, they're both dead here!
[03:35] Shin
    What did you even do to reach a future
    where the two of them get pierced
[03:38] Shin
    by a Special Beam Attack?!
[03:40] Gin
    I don't remember the details.
[03:42] Gin
    However, it's quite likely
[03:43] Gin
    that they aren't dying because of the Special
    Beam Attack or getting run over by a truck,
[03:50] Gin
    but because of us.
[03:52] Gin
    Basically,
[03:53] Gin
    the very fact that we came in contact
    with the geezer to get the clock fixed
[03:57] Gin
    raised a death flag for them.
[04:00] Gin
    At that point, we were already en route
    to a future where someone dies.
[04:04] Gin
    After that, it didn't matter if we
    managed to stop the truck or Pccolo.
[04:07] Gin
    We still couldn't prevent their deaths.
[04:10] Gin
    There was only ever one way
    we could save their lives:
[04:13] Gin
    by not coming into contact with them at all.
[04:16] Shin
    D-Does that mean
[04:18] Shin
    there's no way to fix the clock?
[04:22] Shin
    No one but Gengai-san could possibly repair it.
[04:26] Shin
    Are you saying the world will
    stay frozen in place forever?
[04:32] Gin
    No.
[04:33] Gin
    There's one route that lets us save the world.
[04:36] Shin
    Don't tell me...
[04:38] Shin
    The route where Hasegawa-san
    dies instead of Gengai-san?
[04:42] Kag
    But that's too cruel.
[04:44] Shin
    Do you mean to say we have to sacrifice
    someone if we want to save the world?
[04:48] Shin
    Are you telling us to choose
    such a heartless path?!
[04:52] Gin
    I'm not saying anything of the sort.
[04:54] Gin
    If fixing the clock means someone dies,
    then we just won't fix it.
SIGN    The battery is running low. Please replace it.
[05:01] Gin
    We can just replace the battery!
[05:07] Shin
    Gin-san, what are you talking about?
[05:10] Gin
    When I took a closer look at the clock,
[05:12] Gin
    I found one face with a digital display
    that was frozen in this state.
[05:16] Gin
    That means it was never
    broken in the first place.
[05:20] Gin
    It was simply my misunderstanding.
[05:22] Gin
    This clock just has a dead battery!
[05:25] Gin
    Final Attack!
[05:29] Kag
    We should've done this from the start.
[05:32] Kag
    If only this moron were dead,
[05:33] Kag
    we wouldn't be in this situation
    immediately after returning.
[05:36] Kag
    What did we even put in all that effort for?
[05:40] Kag
    We should've checked over the whole clock first.
[05:42] Shin
    Who would've thought it
    just had a dead battery?
[05:45] Shin
    Talk about jumping to conclusions.
[05:47] Kag
    But now, all we need to do
    is replace the battery,
[05:50] Kag
    and nobody but this moron will have to die.
[05:52] Kag
    The world will start operating like normal again.
[05:54] Shin
    That said, why does the clock that controls
[05:57] Shin
    the entire universe's time run on AA batteries?
[06:00] Kag
    That was no ordinary AA battery.
[06:03] Kag
    It seemed like a type that'd
    be hard to find on Earth.
[06:07] Shin
    That's why we're going back to
    the scene of the crash, right?
[06:10] Shin
    The Watchmen of Time who
    were protecting this clock
[06:13] Shin
    might have some extra batter—
[06:17] (Flashback) C
    Roger that!
[06:18] (Flashback) C
    Hey, clear the way!
[06:20] (Flashback) C
    Casualty coming through!
[06:23] Shin
    Wh-What?
[06:25] Shin
    The Shinsengumi are
    investigating the crash site!
[06:28] Kag
    This is bad.
[06:29] Kag
    They might've already taken
    everything away as evidence.
[06:33] Kag
    That's...
[06:35] (Flashback) Oki
    Uh, Hijikata-san, what is that?
[06:38] (Flashback) Hij
    Beats me. Maybe a battery of some sort?
[06:42] Shin
    We found it!
[06:43] Shin
    There's no doubt about it.
[06:44] Shin
    Hijikata-san's holding an extra battery.
[06:46] Kag
    Guess it was just before they took it away.
[06:49] Kag
    Thank goodness. Now the clock—
[06:52] Kag
    Hey, he's frozen with the battery in his hand.
[06:57] Kag
    He's clutching it unbelievably hard!
[06:59] Kag
    I can't even get him to budge!
[07:01] Gin
    Step aside. Your methods are too soft.
[07:04] Gin
    Let go, damn it!
[07:06] Gin
    Instead of the battery, grab
    your own dck or something!
[07:09] Shin
    How is punching him in the face gonna help?!
[07:13] Shin
    And who are you even beating up?!
[07:16] Gin
    What's going on here?
[07:17] Gin
    He's holding on to the battery for dear life.
[07:20] Gin
    Is it a memento of his grandpa?
[07:21] Shin
    Why would his grandpa run on batteries?
[07:23] Shin
    It's just that time's frozen.
[07:25] Shin
    Using force is pointless.
[07:27] Shin
    Oh, I know.
[07:28] Shin
    We just have to move the clock
[07:29] Shin
    a tiny bit forward to a future
    where he lets go of the battery.
[07:32] Gin
    I get it. Good idea.
[07:35] Kag
    Here goes.
[07:38] Hij
    Hey, Kondo-san.
[07:42] Gin
    He's still holding on to it.
[07:44] Shin
    Looks like he took it back with him.
[07:46] Shin
    Let's move time forward a little more.
[07:49] Hij
    Are you stupid?
[07:51] Hij
    The amount of vinegar in it
    is what really matters!
[07:58] Kag
    He still hasn't let go of it.
[08:00] Gin
    Why is he clutching it in his sleep, too?
[08:03] Shin
    Maybe he just forgot he was holding it?
[08:05] Shin
    Let's go a little further.
[08:08] Hij
    Just because it's handmade
    mayonnaise doesn't make it good.
[08:14] Shin
    Let's go a little further.
[08:20] Shin
    A little further.
[08:30] Shin
    He reached the end of his lifespan
    still clutching the battery!
[08:33] Gin
    Hey! What's the meaning of this?
[08:35] Gin
    Why'd his life end without him
    ever letting go of the battery?
[08:38] Gin
    Even in his coffin, he's clutching it!
[08:40] Gin
    In fact, it's filled with batteries!
[08:42] Shin
    Why is this guy so attached to batteries?
[08:45] Shin
    This is harassment!
[08:46] Shin
    He's trying to interfere with us,
    no matter how you look at it!
[08:49] Kag
    Wait, could it be that he was
    running on batteries all along?
[08:53] Gin
    We won't have a chance to get
    the battery back in the future.
[08:56] Gin
    Kagura.
[08:57] Kag
    Gotcha.
[09:05] Gin
    And we're back where we started.
    Well just have to settle things here.
[09:09] Shin
    But how, exactly?
[09:11] Gin
    Doesn't matter how! We've just gotta do it!
[09:14] Kag
    If the three of us work together,
    we should be able to do it!
[09:18] Shin
    It's impossible! I told you,
    using force is pointless!
[09:21] Kag
    Oh, it popped out!
[09:23] Kag
    The battery...
[09:25] Gin
    Or, well, his arm.
[09:26] Shin
    What the hell did you do?!
[09:27] Shin
    This is why I told you to stop!
[09:29] Shin
    Poor Hijikata-san!
[09:31] Shin
    What are we gonna do once
    time goes back to normal?
[09:33] Shin
    What's gonna happen to him?!
[09:34] Gin
    Can you blame us?
[09:35] Gin
    He literally held the fate
    of the world in his hand!
[09:38] Gin
    And now we've got the battery.
[09:41] Kag
    It's no good.
[09:42] Kag
    The battery won't go in
    'cause his fist's in the way.
[09:45] Shin
    In the end, all you've done is
    crush the fate of the world!
[09:48] Gin
    Settle down.
[09:49] Gin
    If we move time forward now,
[09:51] Gin
    surely his arm will lose strength
[09:53] Gin
    and the battery will fall out.
[09:54] Shin
    But then he'd find out that
    his arm was yanked off!
[09:56] Gin
    For now,
[09:58] Gin
    let's replace his arm
[10:01] Gin
    with a Matsui stick or something.
[10:03] Shin
    Why a Matsui stick?!
[10:04] Gin
    Well, this way,
[10:06] Gin
    he can clean the grooves
    of sliding doors, windows,
[10:08] Gin
    and sash windows in the blink of an eye.
[10:10] Gin
    Add some baking soda,
    and the back of the gas stove
[10:13] Gin
    and the corners of the sink
    will be clean and sparkly, too.
[10:16] Gin
    He'll also be able to clean
    spots beyond arm's reach easily.
SIGN    Matsui Stick
[10:20] Gin
    And he won't find out, because things
    will be more convenient for him now.
[10:22] Shin
    I don't know why you're talking about
[10:23] Shin
    things "beyond arm's reach" when
    he doesn't even have an arm!
[10:27] Gin
    All right. Move the clock forward, Kagura.
[10:29] Kag
    Here goes.
[10:31] Oki
    Hijikata-san, what is that?
[10:34] Hij
    Oh, it's a battery-powered
[10:38] Hij
    Super-Electric Matsui Stick RX.
SIGN    Super-Electric Matsui Stick RX
[10:43] Shin
    The battery became a part
    of the Matsui stick!
[10:45] Gin
    What's going on?
[10:47] Gin
    How is he still holding on to the
    battery when his arm's gone?!
[10:49] Gin
    Why has the Matsui stick evolved?!
[10:52] Oki
    So, does it come in handy?
[10:54] Hij
    Yeah.
[10:55] Hij
    It has the power to squeeze out every
    last drop of mayonnaise in a flash.
[11:00] Shin
    Forget evolved, it's regressed!
[11:02] Shin
    This has just made it
    harder to get the battery!
[11:05] Shin
    What do we do?!
[11:08] Gin
    Hey...
[11:09] Gin
    Someone's peeking over that wall at us.
[11:11] Shin
    Elizabeth-san!
SIGN    Look, Katsura-san. A UFO's crashed in the neighboring lot.
[11:13] Shin
    What's he doing there?
[11:15] Shin
    Was he keeping on eye on what his
    enemies, the Shinsengumi, were up to?
[11:21] (Flashback) Zu
    Hey, Elizabeth!
[11:23] (Flashback) Zu
    Don't let your guard down!
    The enemy stands before your eyes!
[11:26] (Flashback) Zu
    If you think you can catch my ultimate pitch,
[11:29] (Flashback) Zu
    let's see you try it!
[11:34] Gin
    Where do these guys think
    they're playing catch?!
[11:36] Gin
    Your enemy really is
    standing before your eyes!
[11:39] Shin
    Were these terrorists playing
    around without even knowing
[11:42] Shin
    the Shinsengumi were in the next lot?
[11:44] Shin
    I guess idiots are just idiots, no matter
    what moment they freeze in!
[11:47] Kag
    But this is convenient.
[11:49] Kag
    I just had a great idea.
[11:51] Kag
    First, we make a Katsura stick.
[11:55] Shin
    Hey! What the hell's a Katsura stick?!
[11:57] Kag
    Then we replace Mayo-guy's Matsui
    stick with the Katsura stick.
[12:02] Shin
    Just how simple is their body configuration?
    What are they, plastic models?
[12:07] Kag
    Now, if we just stick the Matsui
    stick here and move time forward,
[12:11] Kag
    we can manipulate him into throwing
    the battery as part of playing catch!
[12:15] Shin
    Manipulate him, my ass!
[12:16] Shin
    It's obvious he'll get freaked out
    that his arm is now a Matsui stick!
[12:22] Kag
    We can just return everything to normal
[12:24] Kag
    once we get the battery and
    get the clock running again.
[12:27] Kag
    On that note,
[12:28] Kag
    play ball!
[12:44] Shin
    The Matsui stick is way too powerful!
[12:58] Shin
    The Matsui stick is way too powerful!
[13:01] Shin
    It's turned most of this
    place into scorched earth!
[13:03] Shin
    Forget catch, the ball's pierced
    through everything, never to return!
[13:07] Shin
    What exactly happened here?
[13:10] (Flashback) Zu
    Hey, Elizabeth!
[13:12] (Flashback) Zu
    Here I come!
[13:15] (Flashback) Zu
    Eat this...
[13:17] (Flashback) Zu
    My ultimate pitch!
[13:27] (Flashback) Zu
    See that?
[13:28] (Flashback) Zu
    This is my Matsui Cyclone!
[13:33] Kag
    That wasn't even a pitch.
    It was just a Rocket Punch.
[13:36] Gin
    How'd he get used to the Matsui stick and
    master its use in a matter of seconds?
[13:40] Shin
    That aside, where's the battery?
[13:42] Shin
    Just how far did the Matsui stick go?
[13:44] Shin
    Don't tell me it disintegrated
    while holding the battery.
[13:48] Gin
    Wait! What's that floating over there?
[13:51] Shin
    There it is!
[13:52] Shin
    Thank goodness. The battery's fine—
[13:56] Kyu
    Otae-chan, look out!
SIGN    Wham
[14:02] Shin
    It's not fine at all!
[14:04] Shin
    Sis!
[14:05] Shin
    Oh my God!
[14:06] Shin
    This is the moment it hit my
    sister's head at full speed!
[14:09] Gin
    This is bad.
[14:10] Gin
    If we don't do something,
    the Matsui stick and the battery
[14:12] Gin
    will be blown to smithereens
    in the next 0.001 seconds!
[14:14] Shin
    Worry about my sister instead!
SIGN    Wham
[14:17] Gin
    We need to find a peaceful resolution.
[14:19] Shin
    It's no use! The Matsui stick's not budging!
[14:22] Shin
    At this rate, my sister will...
[14:24] Gin
    Pachi-boy...
[14:25] Gin
    It's impossible to change the fact
    that she got hit with the punch.
[14:28] Gin
    If we can change something, it's this.
[14:31] Shin
    You broke the SFX!
[14:34] Shin
    What the hell? How'd you do that?!
[14:37] Gin
    "Wham" sounds really painful,
[14:39] Gin
    but look, "ham" doesn't seem
    like such a big deal, right?
[14:43] Shin
    Is that really the issue here?!
[14:45] Gin
    Still not enough, huh?
SIGN    Ham... or something, whatever!
[14:48] Gin
    How about this, then?
[14:49] Shin
    What kind of SFX is that?!
[14:50] Shin
    And how'd you write that in mid-air?!
SIGN    Ham
[14:54] Gin
    In that case...
[14:56] Gin
    Let's go with Ham-san.
[14:57] Shin
    Who the hell is Ham-san?!
[14:59] Shin
    Why is the SFX walking on two legs?!
[15:03] Ham
    Otae-chan, look out!
[15:04] Shin
    Why are you going "Otae-chan, look out"?!
[15:07] Shin
    That's Kyubei-san's line!
[15:09] Gin
    I had Kyubei stay silent this time
[15:12] Gin
    by giving her the bit I broke off earlier,
[15:16] Gin
    in the form of one stick and two balls.
[15:18] Shin
    What in the world are you using it for?!
[15:20] Gin
    I think it'll take just a bit more
    to make this convincing.
[15:25] Ham
    Otae-chan, look out!
[15:27] Gin
    There. This should sweep things under the rug.
[15:29] Shin
    Hey! The SFX the Rocket Punch created
[15:32] Shin
    is trying to stop the Rocket Punch!
[15:34] Shin
    What's even going on here?!
[15:37] Gin
    Ham-san did the best he could.
[15:39] Gin
    Otae shouldn't go blind with rage now.
[15:42] Shin
    Look, nothing's changed!
[15:43] Shin
    The fact that she got hit with
    the Rocket Punch hasn't changed!
[15:46] Gin
    All right. Try moving the
    clock forward, Kagura.
[15:55] Tae
    That's as far back as I can remember.
[15:58] Tae
    I've lost my memories from before
    I got hit with the Rocket Punch,
[16:03] Tae
    but I could never forget the
    gentle voice I heard back then.
[16:10] Kyu
    Congratulations, Otae-chan...
[16:16] Tae
    Yes, the voice I heard back then was Ham's.
[16:21] Tae
    And to this day, it continues to stand
    by my side and gently support me.
[16:27] Shin
    Why?!
[16:29] Kag
    The boss lady looks so pretty!
[16:30] Shin
    But why is she marrying a SFX?!
[16:33] Kag
    Well, it seems like she lost her memories,
[16:36] Kag
    and women are highly susceptible to
    kindness when they're feeling down.
[16:40] Kag
    Way to go, Ham bro!
[16:42] Shin
    Ham bro, my foot!
[16:43] Shin
    I won't stand for this, damn it!
[16:45] Shin
    Also, he's totally become sentient!
[16:49] Gin
    He's a devil created by the frozen time.
[16:51] Gin
    Forcing this world, which can give
    form to SFX and freeze them in place,
[16:55] Gin
    and the original work's highly manga-like
    form of expression into an anime
[16:59] Gin
    must've breathed life into him.
[17:01] Shin
    No, that's a monster you created!
[17:03] Shin
    I won't stand for that marriage! Or that future!
[17:05] Shin
    Hurry up and turn the clock back!
[17:08] Gin
    Screw you. This is our chance to get the battery.
[17:12] Gin
    Kagura, move the clock forward.
[17:13] Kag
    Aye, aye.
[17:16] Pri
    Now, the couple will exchange Rocket Punches,
[17:20] Pri
    for that is what brought you two together.
[17:23] Shin
    Why's the Rocket Punch acting
    like some sort of wedding ring?!
[17:27] Gin
    Rocket Punch and Rocket Punch...
[17:29] Gin
    When they clash, both of their fists will crumble,
[17:32] Gin
    and the battery that's been clutched
    inside all this time will finally pop out!
[17:35] Shin
    That's what exchanging
    Rocket Punches is about?!
[17:38] Shin
    What part of that is a vow
    between a husband and wife?!
[17:40] Gin
    Kagura, just one more push.
[17:42] Kag
    Got it!
[17:47] Shin
    Huh?
[17:48] Ham
    Ham Fist!
[17:49] Shin
    What?
[17:51] Shin
    Wait, that's not exactly a Rocket Punch...
[17:54] Shin
    My sister's using her bare fist!
[17:57] Gin
    There it is!
[17:58] Gin
    The battery finally popped out!
[18:01] Ham
    Ham!
[18:04] Gin
    Now the clock,
[18:05] Gin
    and the world's time, will go back to normal!
[18:08] Gin
    We can make it so everything
    up until now never happened!
[18:12] Gin
    Find it!
[18:13] Gin
    There!
[18:13] Gin
    Where'd it go?!
[18:22] Shin
    Uh...
[18:23] Shin
    Gin-san, this battery...
[18:26] Shin
    It's not AA.
[18:27] Shin
    It's AAA.
SIGN    The battery is running low.
     Please replace it.
SIGN    The battery will run out shortly.
[18:36] Shin
    Oh...
[18:47] Shin
    At that moment,
[18:49] Shin
    the entire universe's time
[18:51] Shin
    truly came to a stop.
[19:05] Ham
    What the ham are you guys
    doing right after returning?
[19:08] Ham
    Don't just leave me here on my own.
[19:10] Ham
    Carrying on a show like this by
    myself is more than I can hamdle.
[19:21] Gin
    Shut up! I've been up for ages already!
[19:25] Gin
    Huh?
[19:26] Gin
    I thought I just heard
    the alarm clock ring...
[19:35] Oto
    I'm only gonna say this once, stupid curly!
[19:37] Oto
    You'll cough up this and last month's rent,
[19:39] Gin
    Whatever.
[19:39] Oto
    and you'll do it right now, even if
    you have to sell your kidneys!
SIGN    The End
SIGN    Urgent Announcement After This!!
SIGN    Begins Shortly
[21:17] Kag
    It seems Mr. Sakata Gintoki has an urgent
    announcement for us after this.
SIGN    Mr. Sakata Gintoki's
    Urgent Announcement
[21:39] Gin
    Can I start now?
[21:41] Gin
    You might have noticed it
    in the opening already,
[21:46] Gin
    but I'd like to take this opportunity
[21:50] Gin
    to present the Gintama anime's
    third season title logo.
[21:55] Gin
    This is the new title logo.
[22:09] Shin
    Uh, excuse me.
[22:11] Shin
    I've been meaning to ask
    about that for a while now...
[22:14] Shin
    Last time, there was an extra
    stroke beside the "tama" part,
[22:17] Shin
    so most people called the
    season "Gintama Dash."
[22:24] Shin
    How is this title supposed to be read?
[22:27] Gin
    Well, we've received similar questions
[22:29] Gin
    from not only our viewers,
[22:31] Gin
    but the production committee, as well.
[22:35] Gin
    You see, this title...
[22:37] Gin
    This is how it's written
SIGN    Gint°ama
[22:40] Gin
    in hiragana.
[22:42] Gin
    I'm sure you understand now.
[22:44] Gin
    So, you there, the bespectacled virgin...
[22:47] Gin
    Read it out for all of us. Go.
[22:50] Shin
    Gindhama?
SIGN    Gint°ama
[22:54] Gin
    You think this is a joke?
[22:55] Gin
    You think this is funny? Huh?
[22:57] Gin
    You got it all wrong.
    Give me a break, seriously.
[23:00] Gin
    Once more, from the top.
[23:01] Gin
    Go.
[23:02] Shin
    Ginphama!
[23:03] Gin
    No! Are you stupid? Die!
SIGN    Gin°tama
[23:06] Gin
    Take a good look.
    You can tell by looking, right?
[23:08] Shin
    Hey! The circle's in a different place now!
[23:11] Gin
    Come on, now.
[23:12] Gin
    Don't blame the circle's position
    for your inability to read.
[23:14] Shin
    But it is its fault!
[23:16] Gin
    Sheesh. This is why your character
    profile has never been revised
[23:18] Gin
    and you're still the same guy from episode one.
[23:21] Shin
    What are you even talking about?
[23:22] Gin
    Forget it.
[23:24] Gin
    In that case...
[23:26] Gin
    All of you viewers at home,
[23:27] Gin
    try reading it aloud.
[23:29] Gin
    Go!
[23:34] Gin
    Okay.
[23:34] Gin
    If that's how you want to pronounce it,
[23:36] Gin
    I don't see why not.
[23:37] Shin
    Knock it off!
[23:39] Gin
    Ghost!
SIGN    Next Episode
[23:40] Yzk
    I think anyone, even if it's the
    producer, who gets in the way
[23:44] Yzk
    of someone else's romance should
    get kicked by a horse and die.
SIGN    An Inspector's Love
    Begins With an Inspection
[23:46] Yzk
    Next Episode: "An Inspector's
    Love Begins With an Inspection."
[23:49] Sign r
    Shinsengumi Inspector
    Yamazaki Sagaru.
[23:49] Sign l
    Character traits include plain,
    badminton, and anpan.
[23:54] Sign r
    And springtime has
    arrived for him, too?!
[23:54] Sign l
    Will his love bear fruit?

E268 - An Inspector's Love Begins with an Inspection

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
SIGN    Yamazaki Sagaru's request: Please watch this program in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV.
[01:31] Ymz
    Yamazaki Sagaru's observation report,
[01:33] Ymz
    week one of the stakeout mission.
[01:36] Ymz
    No signs of movement from
    Odd Jobs today, either.
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[01:39] Ymz
    When the vice chief found
    out that the boss here
[01:41] Ymz
    was the White Yaksha, a hero of the Joi war,
[01:44] Ymz
    he decided it was time to
    seriously keep tabs on him.
[01:46] Ymz
    But regardless of his past,
    the boss is now just a moronic bum.
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[01:52] Gin
    I'm hitting up the pachinko parlor.
[01:53] Ymz
    What does that make me, a guy staking
    out a bum who's bumming around?
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[01:58] Kag
    We're going for a walk.
[01:59] Ymz
    As time flows by meaninglessly,
[02:03] Ymz
    I find myself wondering why
    I ever became an inspector.
[02:07] Ymz
    I'm no different from that bar code reader.
[02:10] Ymz
    Every single day, all we do is take in
    what's right in front of us.
[02:15] Ymz
    Our lives pass us by as we spend them
    doing nothing but observing others.
[02:18] Cle
    Huh?
[02:20] Cle
    That's funny. It won't scan.
[02:22] Cle
    Hey, Manager! Looks like this thing's broken!
[02:26] Ymz
    This happens even to a machine.
[02:28] Ymz
    It might not be long
    before I break down, too.
[02:31] Tam
    Excuse me.
[02:32] Tam
    Could you let me see that for a second?
[02:35] Tam
    Don't worry. It's not broken.
[02:38] Tam
    It just has a bit of indigestion
    from scanning too much anpan.
[02:42] Tam
    Cheer up.
[02:44] Tam
    Your job isn't just some
    conveyor belt process.
[02:48] Tam
    We're all valuable cogs in this
    massive wheel known as society,
[02:53] Tam
    and each of us is an irreplaceable
    part of the world.
[03:00] Cle
    Oh, it works now. Thank you so much.
[03:02] Tam
    No problem. Machines can be sensitive.
[03:06] Tam
    There will be both good times and bad,
[03:08] Tam
    but please keep working
    hard at your job, okay?
[03:10] Ymz
    Okay!
[03:12] Ymz
    I'll do my best!
SIGN    An Inspector's Love Begins with an Inspection
[03:18] Ymz
    Observation report, day ten.
[03:20] Ymz
    Odd Jobs is the same as ever,
[03:23] Ymz
    and Tama-san is as lovely as ever, too.
[03:27] Ymz
    Ever since then, I've been finding
    my eyes glued to her all the time.
[03:30] Ymz
    I hated this stakeout mission,
    but now I can't tear myself away.
SIGN    Day 12
[03:35] Ymz
    Day twelve.
[03:36] Ymz
    No changes in Odd Jobs or
    Tama-san's beauty today, either.
[03:40] Ymz
    Ah, Tama-san...
[03:42] Ymz
    It looks like I've become an
    inspector of you, and you alone.
SIGN    Day 15
[03:46] Ymz
    Day fifteen.
[03:47] Ymz
    No changes in Tama-san's
    beauty today, either.
[03:50] Ymz
    Ah, Tama-san...
[03:52] Ymz
    I wanna arrest your eyes!
SIGN    Day 20
[03:54] Ymz
    Day twenty.
[03:55] Ymz
    Ah, Tama-san...
[03:57] Ymz
    Where did you come from?
    Where are you headed?
SIGN    Day 25
[04:00] Ymz
    Day twenty-five.
[04:01] Ymz
    Ah, Tama-san! Wherefore art thou, Tama-san?
SIGN    Day 30
[04:04] Ymz
    Day thirty.
[04:05] Ymz
    Ah, my T—
[04:07] Ymz
    ...esticles!
SIGN    Day 35
[04:10] Ymz
    Day thirty-five.
[04:12] Ymz
    Tama-san.
SIGN    Tama-san
[04:13] Ymz
    Tama-san...
[04:17] Ymz
    Tama-san!
[04:25] Kon
    What the hell is this?!
[04:27] Kon
    What's wrong with him?!
[04:28] Kon
    He's not doing his job at all!
[04:29] Kon
    Halfway through this report, he's observing
    nothing but Tama-san and his testicles!
[04:33] Hij
    Kondo-san...
[04:34] Hij
    Maybe we should quit being cops, and start
    up a prep school for stalkers instead.
[04:38] Kon
    Don't put me in the same class as him!
[04:40] Kon
    My stalking isn't that psychotic!
[04:43] Hij
    This isn't even a stakeout now.
[04:45] Hij
    You should put a ban on relationships
    so our squad stays on their toes.
[04:48] Kon
    Why're you trying to ruin
    my love at the same time?
[04:51] Hij
    Deal with this yourself, then.
[04:53] Hij
    As fellow stalkers, I'm sure
    you can understand each other.
[04:56] Kon
    H-Hang on, Toshi!
[04:57] Kon
    Are you telling me to
    interfere in his romance?
[04:59] Kon
    Not happening!
[05:00] Kon
    I mean, he might cast black magic on me!
[05:03] Kon
    He'll use the Whack spell!
[05:04] Kon
    Hey, Toshi!
SIGN    Snack Otose
[05:09] Oto
    Tama, light up the sign outside.
[05:11] Tama
    Sure.
[05:19] Ymz
    What am I even doing?
[05:21] Ymz
    I have to talk to her.
[05:23] Ymz
    I have to tell her that her words
    gave me strength, and thank her!
[05:27] Ymz
    But then what?
[05:29] Ymz
    I don't know anything about her.
[05:31] Ymz
    No!
[05:32] Ymz
    I cannot pretend to be a
    mere spectator any longer!
[05:36] Tam
    Oh, welcome.
[05:39] Oki
    Is the boss here?
[05:41] Tam
    Yes.
[05:41] Ymz
    Captain Okita?
[05:43] Ymz
    What's he doing here?
[05:45] Ymz
    Did he just say "boss"? Is he meeting him?
[05:58] Ymz
    H-He knows!
[06:01] Ymz
    He's the last demon on Earth
    I wanted to know about this!
[06:04] Oki
    Now that I'm here, expect smooth sailing.
[06:09] Ymz
    Wait a sec! What are you trying to pull?!
[06:12] Ymz
    I've never seen a wink that bloodshot before!
[06:15] Ymz
    Forget smooth sailing, he's gonna
    put me on a boat made of tissues!
[06:18] Ymz
    He's gonna sink me and make
    me an object of ridicule!
[06:23] Gin
    So, what do you want?
[06:25] Oki
    I'll cut right to the chase.
[06:28] Oki
    Could you let our Yamazaki
    your robot girl over there?
[06:35] Ymz
    Forget the boat made of tissues, he wrapped
    a mat around me and dumped me in the ocean!
[06:39] Gin
    What? I have no idea what
    you're talking about.
[06:42] Oki
    Y'know, the birds and the bees and all that.
[06:45] Ymz
    That wasn't his point!
[06:47] Oki
    You see, Yamazaki's been rather pent
    up lately, and it's affecting his work.
[06:53] Ymz
    Well, yeah, but couldn't you
    have worded that better?!
[06:55] Oki
    So we were hoping to borrow
    that sex toy of yours.
[06:59] Ymz
    Who're you calling a sex toy?!
[07:01] Oto
    Now, listen, you!
[07:02] Oto
    What do you think our girl is?!
[07:04] Oki
    A blow-up doll, right?
[07:07] Ymz
    Someone should blow you a clue!
[07:08] Kag
    What do you take us for?!
[07:10] Kag
    We'd never hand our poster girl
    over to the likes of you!
[07:13] Shin
    Does this mean Yamazaki-san is
    interested in Tama-san?
[07:16] Ymz
    S-Stop that, Shinpachi-kun!
    You're making me blush!
[07:18] Oki
    I brought a copy of his
    love letter, just in case.
[07:21] Oki
    I think you'll understand once you read it.
[07:23] Ymz
    That's no love letter!
[07:26] Shin
    Whoa! What is this?
[07:28] Ymz
    It's creeping them out!
[07:30] Gin
    Hang on, Okita-kun. This...
[07:32] Ymz
    And now they'll know I was staking them out!
[07:35] Gin
    Who's Yamazaki?
[07:36] Ymz
    That's what you take issue with?!
[07:37] Gin
    Is it the guy with the V-shaped hair?
[07:39] Ymz
    That's the vice chief! How short-lasting
    an impression did he leave on him?!
[07:43] Tam
    The event described here is in my data.
[07:46] Ymz
    Tama-san! You remember it?
SIGN    Anpan
[07:48] Tam
    He's the guy who destroyed a bar code
    reader with a ton of anpan, the...
SIGN    Anpan
[07:52] Tam
    enemy of machinekind.
SIGN    Danger
[07:53] Ymz
    That's how she remembers me?!
[07:54] Ymz
    She even called me an enemy!
[07:57] Gin
    There you have it.
[07:58] Gin
    You heard the lady, so
    could you please leave?
[08:00] Oki
    Now, now. Here me out here.
[08:03] Oki
    As you can see in this mob letter...
[08:05] Ymz
    What's a mob letter?! A letter
    from an extra in the mob?!
[08:08] Oki
    The Shinsengumi have been
    keeping an eye on you lately,
[08:12] Oki
    and Hijikata-san is just waiting
    for a chance to arrest you.
[08:16] Gin
    Bring it on. I'd love to see you try.
[08:18] Oki
    Well, I'm sure duking it out
    with you would be fun,
[08:21] Oki
    but I can't stand the thought of things
    going according to Hijikata-san's plans.
[08:26] Oki
    As such, why don't we resolve this issue
[08:28] Oki
    by arranging a marriage meeting
    between Yamazaki and Tama-san?
[08:37] Oki
    By becoming relatives, the Shinsengumi
    and Odd Jobs can come to a settlement,
[08:41] Oki
    and you'll be cleared of all suspicion.
[08:44] Oto
    I won't allow this!
[08:45] Oto
    You can't just rush things along without
    asking the people involved how they feel.
[08:48] Oto
    Right, Tama?
[08:49] Tam
    I don't mind.
[08:51] Oto
    See—
[08:52] ---
    What?!
[08:53] Tam
    I don't mind becoming a tool if it
    will bring the two groups together.
[08:57] Tam
    A machine would love nothing more
    than to be of use to people.
[09:01] Ymz
    Wait, this is making me look like the bad guy.
[09:04] Kag
    Tama!
[09:05] Kag
    Don't be hasty!
[09:07] Kag
    Who cares if this moron gets arrested?
[09:10] Shin
    Yeah!
[09:11] Shin
    We'll never let that plain guy have you!
[09:13] Kag
    How low could he get?
[09:14] Shin
    That monster.
[09:15] Kag
    Scumbag!
[09:16] Ymz
    I've been reduced to a scumbag!
[09:19] Gin
    But, well, if she's okay
    with it, we can't complain.
[09:22] Gin
    As her guardians, I suppose we can at
    least join you for a nice restaurant meal.
[09:26] Gin
    Oh, and you're picking up the tab.
[09:28] Oki
    I'm perfectly okay with that.
[09:30] Oki
    Even if he screws it up,
    Yamazaki will owe me for life.
[09:33] Ymz
    The real scumbags are right here!
[09:36] Kag
    Never show your face again, you scoundrel!
[09:39] Kag
    And you'd better prepare a feast!
[09:41] Tam
    I'd like some high-grade oil, too, please.
SIGN    Snack Otose
[09:45] Oki
    Well, I set the stage.
[09:47] Oki
    The rest is up to you.
[09:49] Ymz
    What are you talking about?!
[09:53] Ymz
    What has he done?
[09:55] Ymz
    I've totally become the bad guy here.
[09:58] Ymz
    She hates me.
[10:00] Ymz
    But wait...
[10:03] Ymz
    Maybe I've got no right to complain.
[10:05] Ymz
    It's not that I remained a spectator
    because I was an inspector...
[10:09] Ymz
    I chose to remain one out
    of my fear of failure.
[10:14] Ymz
    I need to make my move.
[10:16] Ymz
    I have to grab hold of my life,
[10:17] Ymz
    and her heart, with my own hands!
[10:20] Ymz
    I'll turn this crisis into an opportunity.
[10:22] Ymz
    It's time for my stakeout to end!
[10:35] Gin
    Hello. Quite the auspicious day today...
[10:46] Hij
    Uh, I have a question.
[10:49] Gin
    What is it?
SIGN    The Shinsengumi and Odd Jobs Families
[10:51] Hij
    Why is this happening?
[10:53] Gin
    Beats me.
[10:54] Hij
    Don't give me that!
[10:55] Hij
    Why do we have to have a marriage
    meeting with you chumps?
[10:58] Gin
    Right back at you.
[11:00] Gin
    You're the ones who came with this proposal.
[11:02] Hij
    Hey, Sougo! What's the meaning of this?
[11:04] Hij
    I thought I told you to deal with
    Yamazaki's stupid make-believe romance.
[11:07] Oki
    Don't ask me.
[11:09] Oki
    I was told to make Yamazaki
    focus on his work,
[11:12] Oki
    so I thought he'd settle down if
    he settled down with a woman.
[11:15] Hij
    How did you reach that conclusion?
[11:17] Hij
    What's the point of marrying into
    the house you're staking out?
[11:19] Kon
    Calm down, Toshi.
[11:21] Kon
    Think of it as an undercover investigation.
[11:23] Kon
    If he sneaks into their
    private lives as an in-law,
[11:26] Kon
    it'll be easier to get his hands on intel.
[11:28] Kon
    And if it comes down to it, I'll jump into
    Otae-san's private life and back him up.
[11:31] Hij
    What you really want to jump
    into are her private parts!
[11:36] Gin
    What are you grumbling about over there?
[11:39] Gin
    Where's the food and drink?
[11:41] Gin
    You know, we took time out of
    our busy schedules to be here
[11:44] Gin
    because you begged for our poster girl.
[11:46] Gin
    Honey, we can't give our girl
    away to these rude people, right?
[11:50] Kag
    I'm amazed these lowly civil servants
    had the gall to make a pass at her.
[11:55] Hij
    Real funny, coming from
    people always in the red!
[11:57] Hij
    You should be grateful for the chance to
    have a marriage meeting with civil servants!
[12:00] Kag
    Dear, was that slang just now?
[12:03] Kag
    It was so crude, I couldn't quite catch it.
[12:05] Gin
    Get us an interpreter!
[12:06] Gin
    We need someone well-versed
    in Chinese mafia jargon.
[12:09] Hij
    Who're you calling Chinese mafia?!
[12:11] Ymz
    I knew it. The chaperones are fighting already.
[12:15] Ymz
    If I leave it to them, this meeting
    will definitely end in failure.
[12:20] Ymz
    I'm the only one I can trust.
[12:22] Ymz
    No matter what,
[12:25] Ymz
    I must capture Tama-san's heart!
[12:30] Tam
    I'm Tama.
[12:32] Tam
    Pleased to meet you.
[12:35] Yzk
    Y-Y-Yamazaki Sagaru here.
[12:37] Yzk
    P-P-Pleased to meet you, too!
[12:40] Kon
    Wow, what a pretty young lady!
[12:43] Kon
    You've got one keen eye, Yamazaki.
[12:47] Ymz
    Incidentally, Chief, have you seen
    my right eye? I seem to have lost it.
[12:51] Gin
    She's our pride and joy, the girl we
    raised with great care, after all.
[12:54] Gin
    That aside, is your Yamazaki-san here yet?
[12:57] Ymz
    I'm already here.
[12:58] Kag
    Excuse me, waiter. Will the food be here soon?
[13:01] Ymz
    I'm not a waiter!
[13:03] Kag
    Oh, so the food was already here.
[13:06] Kag
    Dear, here's some Plain Joe Bloodied Saute.
[13:08] Ymz
    I'm not food, either!
[13:11] Shin
    Yamazaki-san, I heard that you're
    the straight man in the Shinsengumi.
[13:15] Shin
    Can't you be a bit louder?
[13:17] Shin
    Thirty points.
[13:18] Ymz
    What are you grading me on, Shinpachi-kun?
[13:21] Shin
    Is that all you have?
[13:22] Shin
    If it were me, I'd have retorted with,
    "That's rich, coming from a guy who's
[13:25] Shin
    neglecting his straight man routine."
[13:26] Kag
    This is what you can expect
    from a by-the-book public official.
[13:30] Ymz
    What's with them?
[13:32] Ymz
    Their hostility is clear as day.
[13:33] Ymz
    They're totally trying to sabotage me.
[13:35] Ymz
    I need to get it together.
[13:36] Ymz
    Damn it. I can't see through all the blood.
[13:40] Tam
    Use this, if you'd like.
[13:43] ---
    T-Tama-san!
[13:44] Tam
    Are you all right?
[13:45] Tam
    Should we call an ambulance?
[13:47] Ymz
    N-No, I'm fine.
[13:48] Ymz
    Thank you.
[13:49] Ymz
    She really is a wonderful person.
[13:51] Ymz
    She shows kindness, unlike
    the other Gintama girls.
[13:53] Ymz
    That's why I fell in—
[13:55] Hij
    Shouldn't you have offered a
    handkerchief and not tissues there?
[13:57] Hij
    It would've helped stop the bleeding, too.
[13:59] Hij
    That's weird. I heard she was a considerate
    robot maid, but that was 45 points at best.
[14:04] Ymz
    Why are you grading things, too?
[14:05] Hij
    Our job makes us prone
    to lots of open wounds.
[14:08] Hij
    We need someone capable of dealing
    with them swiftly and efficiently.
[14:10] Hij
    I think there were better options there,
    like asking a waiter for a first aid kit.
[14:17] Ymz
    What's with this petty competition?!
[14:19] Ymz
    Vice Chief, quit treating this like some
    kind of feud between mother-in-laws!
[14:22] Gin
    Excuse me, waiter.
[14:24] Gin
    That guy with the V-shaped hair
    seems to have hit his head.
[14:27] Ymz
    I told you, I'm not a waiter!
    And I'm the one with the head injury!
[14:30] Shin
    Maybe you should've let
    Hijikata-san handle that retort.
[14:34] Ymz
    Quit making things so complicated!
SIGN    Kill Kill Kill Kill
[14:35] Oki
    Hijikata-san, you should've followed
    that up and made it a double retort.
[14:39] Oki
    You're holding us back.
[14:40] Hij
    Who are you even grading?!
[14:42] Gin
    What are you on about? Do you
    have a problem with our girl?
[14:46] Hij
    What about you? Got a problem with our boy?
[14:49] Ymz
    There's so much tension in the air.
[14:51] Ymz
    This is not how marriage
    meetings are supposed to go!
[14:53] Kon
    There, there.
[14:54] Kon
    Calm down!
[14:56] W
    Thank you for waiting.
[14:58] Kon
    Oh, the food's here, everyone!
[15:02] Ymz
    This is my chance. I need to change the topic.
[15:04] Ymz
    C-Come to think of it, Tama-san,
    I saw you out shopping before.
[15:08] Ymz
    Do you cook?
[15:10] Tam
    I'm a robot maid, so I can
    handle most housework.
[15:13] Kon
    Is that so? What a capable young lady.
[15:16] Ymz
    I know, right?
[15:18] Ymz
    Great. The tide has turned.
[15:19] Hij
    Isn't that the least a
    robot should be capable of?
[15:22] Hij
    That's the type that only knows
    how to make meat and potato stew.
[15:25] Ymz
    Crap, he butted in.
[15:27] Tam
    What do the people of the
    Shinsengumi normally eat?
[15:32] Ymz
    We have a mess hall at the station,
[15:34] Ymz
    but the food isn't very good, so
    we keep going out to eat ramen.
[15:37] Gin
    Oh, boy. There it is.
[15:39] Gin
    After this, he's definitely gonna go,
[15:40] Gin
    "I wanna eat your cooking, Tama-san."
[15:44] Kag
    What? How clichéd!
[15:47] Ymz
    Like I said, quit making things complicated!
[15:49] Shin
    You already used the
    "complicated" retort earlier.
[15:52] Shin
    No vocabulary, then.
[15:53] Ymz
    How did you read my mind?!
[15:55] Kon
    Now we can't use the "I wanna
    eat your cooking" line.
[15:59] Oki
    Oh, well.
[16:00] Oki
    Skip a few steps and go with
    "I wanna eat you" instead.
[16:03] Ymz
    That's skipping too many steps!
    What kind of irresponsible advice is that?!
[16:07] Ymz
    They completely cut off my conversation.
[16:09] Ymz
    And I'd just found an opening, too.
[16:11] Tam
    But that means you have
    a very unbalanced diet.
[16:14] Tam
    If you'd like, please come to our place.
[16:17] Tam
    I'll cook for you.
[16:19] Ymz
    Tama-san!
[16:20] Ymz
    She brought up the topic herself!
    She's so considerate!
[16:23] Ymz
    R-Really?
[16:24] Tam
    Yes. I always keep nutrition
    in mind while cooking,
[16:27] Tam
    so I'm sure it'll make you feel better.
[16:29] Ymz
    Ah, Tama-san!
[16:30] Ymz
    In this maelstrom of malice,
    you are my only ray of hope!
[16:35] Kon
    Way to go, Yamazaki!
[16:37] Ymz
    I did it!
[16:38] Ymz
    My heart is overflowing with so much
    emotion, I can't eat anything right now.
[16:42] Gin
    Then we'll help ourselves.
[16:43] Ymz
    I was speaking figuratively!
[16:45] Gin
    How about it, Tama?
[16:46] Gin
    Why not treat them to your
    cooking right here and now?
[16:51] Ymz
    What? You can cook right here?
[16:53] Tam
    Well, yes.
[16:54] Tam
    I've already made preparations for dinner.
[16:57] Ymz
    I-I'd love to try it!
[16:59] Ymz
    This is like a dream come true!
[17:00] Ymz
    I never imagined I'd get to eat
    Tama-san's cooking so soon!
[17:03] Ymz
    What will she—
[17:09] Gin
    Oh, don't worry.
[17:12] Gin
    Our Tama takes ingredients into
    her body, and cooks internally.
[17:17] Gin
    Your worst fears won't
    come true, so don't worry.
[17:23] Tam
    I-It's done.
[17:26] Tam
    Help yourselves to some monja.
[17:30] Gin
    Monja, huh?
[17:32] Gin
    Looks delicious.
[17:33] Tam
    It looks better than usual today.
[17:35] Tam
    Did you do your best for Yamazaki-san?
[17:37] Gin
    Come, now. Stop teasing her, honey.
[17:41] Tam
    Feel free to dig in.
[17:44] Ymz
    O-Okay.
[17:47] Ymz
    Wait...
[17:48] Ymz
    Tama-san, is this really monja?
SIGN    It's monja.
[17:51] Ymz
    It's monja, huh?
[17:52] Ymz
    Wait. Is it?
SIGN    It's monja.
[17:54] Ymz
    Oh, okay. It's monja.
[17:55] Ymz
    Is it monja?
[17:56] Ymz
    Wait, was monja always
    such a mass of mosaics?
SIGN    It's monja.
[17:59] Tam
    What's wrong?
[18:01] Tam
    Do you have an upset stomach?
[18:02] Ymz
    No, no, no!
[18:03] Ymz
    I just thought I should etch
    this sight into my memories.
[18:06] Ymz
    Hey! I'm gonna end up hurting Tama-san!
[18:09] Ymz
    Calm down.
[18:10] Ymz
    Monja always looks kinda weird, anyway.
[18:13] Ymz
    It's all right.
[18:14] Ymz
    Tama-san would never do something like that.
[18:16] Ymz
    But my spatula's not moving!
[18:19] Ymz
    S-Somebody help!
[18:21] Hij
    Hang on a second.
[18:23] Hij
    Don't be offering us garbage like this.
[18:25] Ymz
    Vice Chief!
[18:27] Hij
    There's no mayonnaise on it.
[18:29] Ymz
    That's not the problem!
[18:31] Ymz
    I know.
[18:32] Ymz
    I-It'd be a waste to eat this all by myself.
[18:36] Ymz
    Let's all share—
[18:39] B
    It's okay. We made our own.
[18:42] Ymz
    Hey, that's sympathy puke!
[18:44] Tam
    Yamazaki-san?
[18:45] Tam
    Do you not like it after all?
[18:47] Ymz
    No, that's not it!
[18:49] Ymz
    I feel like it's too good for me.
[18:51] Ymz
    Oh, I know. Can I take it home with me?
[18:54] Ymz
    I'd like to take my time to relish the taste.
[18:56] Gin
    If you like it so much,
    take this with you, too.
[19:00] Ymz
    In the end, all of you
    guys are sympathy puking!
[19:03] Ymz
    What am I, the guy who has
    to take out the trash?
[19:04] Shin
    Yamazaki-san,
[19:06] Shin
    you should've sympathy puked
    in the middle of your reto—
[19:08] Ymz
    Okay, that's it! You're
    totally puking, aren't you?!
[19:14] Tam
    I'll go get some fresh air.
[19:21] Gin
    Well, we should get out of the way
    and leave the young 'uns to it.
[19:25] Ymz
    You decide to do this now?!
[19:27] Ymz
    You really have done nothing
    but get in the way!
[19:31] Ymz
    Tama-san, where are you?
[19:33] Ymz
    Tama-san!
[19:34] Ymz
    This is the worst.
[19:35] Ymz
    Forget capturing her heart.
    This turned into a disaster.
[19:42] Ymz
    No, that's not it.
[19:44] Ymz
    Capture her heart? Marriage meeting?
[19:48] Ymz
    In truth, none of that even mattered.
[19:51] Ymz
    All I needed to tell her was that her
    words back then gave me strength.
[19:58] Ymz
    And yet, I couldn't tell
    her something that simple.
[20:02] Ymz
    Not only that, I even hurt her.
[20:05] Ymz
    I really am such an idiot!
[20:10] Tam
    What are you doing here, Yamazaki-san?
[20:14] Tam
    You'll catch a cold.
[20:15] Ymz
    T-T-Tama-san!
[20:17] Tam
    I apologize for leaving such an
    important event midway through.
[20:23] Tam
    I remembered something important,
[20:26] Tam
    so I went to procure the ingredients.
[20:29] Tam
    Please wait one moment.
[20:35] Ymz
    H-Hey, Tama-san?
[20:40] Tam
    I don't know if it's any good,
[20:43] Tam
    but this is what you wanted, right?
[20:49] Tam
    Anpan and you really are a good fit.
[20:54] Tam
    A guardian protecting our
    society, unbeknownst to all.
[20:57] Tam
    The world may not take note of your efforts,
[21:00] Tam
    but please remember that someone,
    somewhere, is watching you.
[21:11] Tam
    Yamazaki-san?
[21:13] Tam
    Did I do something wrong again?
[21:16] Ymz
    Not at all.
[21:19] Ymz
    Thank you, Tama-san.
[21:20] Ymz
    I feel a lot better.
[21:22] ---
    Thank goodness.
[21:24] Tam
    Shall we head back, then?
[21:27] Ymz
    Nah.
[21:27] Ymz
    It's all right.
[21:29] Ymz
    I got what I came here for.
[21:31] Tam
    But what about the relationship between
    Gintoki-sama and the Shinsengumi?
[21:35] Ymz
    No need to worry.
[21:38] Ymz
    Inspector Yamazaki Sagaru will keep
    an eye on the Shinsengumi for you.
[21:46] Tam
    Keep working hard at your job, okay?
[21:48] Ymz
    Okay!
[22:02] Ymz
    U-Uh...
[22:04] Ymz
    I made you some monjayaki in return...
SIGN    Forget Dates, Remember People
    
    You Can Hide Your Porn Mags,
    But You Can't Hide Your °°°
[23:45] B
    Gin-san!
[23:46] Sei
    History lessons!
[23:47] Shin
    How to hide your porn mags!
[23:48] B
    Teach us how!
[23:49] Sign r
    The next episode is an academic (?) two-parter.
[23:49] Sign l
    History lessons and how to hide your porn mags.
[23:54] Sign r
    Watch it, 'cause it will definitely come in handy someday.
[23:57] Sign l
    ...Maybe

E269 - Forget Dates, Remember People / You Can Hide Your Porn Mags But You Can't Hide Your ***

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Hinoya Tea House
[01:31] Tsu
    Year 710?
[01:32] Sei
    710 was...
[01:34] Sei
    Uh...
[01:36] Sei
    Oh! "Seventh heaven in tender Heian-kyo"!
[01:38] Tsu
    Wrong!
[01:39] Tsu
    710 is Heijo-kyo.
[01:42] Tsu
    Heian-kyo is "Sings the
    nightingale for Heian-kyo,"
SIGN    Japanese History
[01:45] Tsu
    so year 794.
[01:48] Sei
    That's too complicated! What's with
    this Heijo-kyo and Heian-kyo crap?!
[01:51] Sei
    It's clearly a trap!
[01:54] Tsu
    That's what you get for only
    memorizing what's on the surface.
[01:57] Tsu
    You need to start learning the details.
[01:59] Tsu
    Heijo-kyo came to prominence
    during Empress Genmei's reign.
[02:01] Tsu
    In the third year of the Wado era, she moved
    the capital from Fujiwara-kyo to Heijo-kyo,
[02:04] Tsu
    where it remained until the
    third year of the Enryaku era,
[02:06] Tsu
    when Emperor Kammu moved it to Nagaoka-kyo—
[02:09] Sei
    That's even more complicated!
[02:10] Sei
    What's the point of memorizing these dates?
[02:13] Sei
    It won't help one bit when I become
    a working member of society, anyway.
[02:16] Tsu
    I daresay a guy that lazy would never
    get anywhere in the real world.
[02:19] Tsu
    Think of it as self-training and start again.
[02:22] Sei
    I'd rather do some actual training, then.
[02:23] Sei
    I wanna be strong, like you!
[02:26] Tsu
    Is that so? Then let's go with this...
[02:30] Tsu
    I'll now throw a bunch of
    these cards and knives at you.
[02:33] Tsu
    Before I throw, I'll name a historical event.
[02:35] Tsu
    You'll collect the cards that make up
    the number of the year it took place,
[02:38] Tsu
    while blindfolded and avoiding
    the knives by instinct alone.
[02:40] Sei
    You're just making things more difficult!
[02:43] Sei
    How am I supposed to sense the
    numbers by instinct alone?!
[02:46] Tsu
    Here I come!
[02:46] Sei
    Wait a sec—
[02:47] Tsu
    The Battle of Sekigahara!
SIGN    Forget Dates, Remember People
[02:57] Gin
    This is weird.
[02:59] Gin
    Wasn't he studying history?
[03:01] Gin
    What, did the teacher abandon class halfway
    through and go, "Let's play dodgeball today"?
[03:06] Tsu
    D-Dates alone are not enough
    to learn about history.
[03:09] Tsu
    I thought I should teach him how
    Ieyasu actually fought at Sekigahara.
[03:13] Gin
    Uh, hasn't Ieyasu been crushed here?
    History's taken a whole new turn.
[03:18] Gin
    Well, did it work?
[03:19] Gin
    Which year did the Battle
    of Sekigahara take place?
[03:22] Sei
    S-Sixteen hundred knives...
[03:24] Gin
    He's memorized it in some weird way!
[03:26] Gin
    Forget the date, he's just had
    trauma etched into his memory!
[03:28] Tsu
    C-Can you blame me?!
[03:30] Tsu
    He just wouldn't listen to me!
[03:32] Hin
    It's all right, Tsukuyo.
[03:34] Hin
    You're great at teaching
    the Hyakka new techniques,
[03:38] Hin
    so I thought you'd make a
    great tutor as well, but...
[03:41] Gin
    Your personnel selection
    method is way too sloppy.
[03:44] Sei
    Save me, Gin-san!
[03:45] Sei
    I don't wanna study history anymore!
[03:48] Gin
    Let go.
[03:49] Sei
    I wanna take classes in health and PE!
[03:51] Gin
    Everyone's automatically capable
    of perfect scores in those
[03:54] Gin
    the moment they hit puberty!
[03:55] Tsu
    Very well.
[03:57] Tsu
    Let's do it right this time.
[03:58] Tsu
    I'll now throw this wooden kokeshi doll and
    a bunch of knives at you, and you must—
[04:01] Gin
    Why are you trying to teach
    a kid how to fight wood?!
[04:05] Sei
    I'm sick of studying like that!
[04:08] Sei
    Actually, I've had it with Tsukuyo-nee!
[04:11] Sei
    I know! You teach me, Gin-san!
[04:13] Sei
    You went to a temple school, so you must
    know proper studying methods, right?
SIGN    Hinoya Tea House
[04:21] Gin
    You little...
[04:22] Gin
    Why'd you drag me into your mess?
[04:24] Sei
    Come on, you're getting paid,
[04:26] Sei
    so let's just call it a little give-and-take.
[04:31] W
    How's the studying going?
[04:33] W
    Why don't you take a break?
[04:35] Sei
    I'm sure there'll be slices of
    cake in it for you, too.
[04:38] Gin
    Look, I'm sorry,
[04:41] Gin
    but if there's money involved,
    I can't half-ass things.
[04:44] Sei
    Aw, you're no fun.
[04:46] Gin
    A man's gotta do what a man's gotta
    do, and he's gotta do it right.
[04:49] Gin
    All right. Open up volume ten of Hana no Keiji.
[04:53] Tsu
    How's the studying going?
[04:56] Tsu
    Why don't you take a break
[04:59] Tsu
    forever?
[05:00] Gin
    Oh, n-no need for that.
    We were just about to begin.
[05:05] Gin
    What's the meaning of this?
[05:06] Gin
    What happened to slices of cake?
[05:07] Gin
    My head got sliced by a knife instead!
[05:09] Gin
    It's your fault for putting her
    in a bad mood with your whining!
[05:11] Tsu
    We're really counting on you,
[05:14] Tsu
    Korosensei.
[05:15] Gin
    She's calling me something weird now!
[05:17] Gin
    She seems ready to assassinate
    me at any moment!
[05:20] Tsu
    I'm sure you've reached the
    Sengoku era by now, right?
[05:23] Gin
    W-We have!
[05:24] Gin
    The curtain was just raised
    on the warring states era!
[05:27] Sei
    Are you sure we should be
    jumping to the Sengoku era?
[05:29] Sei
    I don't have a handle on
    the eras before that at all.
[05:32] Gin
    Men can get by with knowledge
    of the Sengoku era alone!
[05:36] Gin
    Before that, it was just mostly-gorillas
    running around with spears in hand.
[05:40] Sei
    They're way too fuzzy!
[05:41] Sei
    What about the transition
    from Heijo-kyo to Heian-kyo?
[05:44] Gin
    That was merely a move from
    one cave to the one next door.
[05:47] Sei
    What?
[05:47] Sei
    "Sings the nightingale for you in Heian-kyo"?
SIGN    7 Sings the
    9 Nightingale
    4 For you in Heian-kyo
    
    794 - Relocation to Heian-kyo
[05:50] Gin
    No!
SIGN    We've saved up 7.94 million,
    so why don't we move, honey?
    
    794 - Relocation to Heian-kyo
[05:51] Gin
    "We've saved up 7.94 million, so why
    don't we move, honey? To Heian-kyo."
[05:55] Sei
    What kinda mnemonic is that?!
[05:56] Sei
    Then what about the Kamakura shogunate?
[05:58] Gin
    A move to the Kamakura
    snow hut next door to that.
[06:00] Sei
    They didn't evolve one bit in 400 years!
[06:04] Gin
    As if mere humans could
    ever evolve that easily.
[06:07] Gin
    Don't forget that they were mostly-gorillas.
[06:09] Gin
    After that, a bunch of stuff happened...
[06:13] Gin
    In 1467, the beginning of the Onin War
    marked the beginning of the Sengoku era.
[06:18] Sei
    That's way too drastic an evolution!
[06:20] Sei
    A bunch of stuff? What exactly happened?!
[06:23] Gin
    If I recall correctly, they got their
    hands on some overpowered technology,
[06:28] Gin
    but being gorillas, they started
    fighting over bananas or something,
[06:33] Gin
    leading to one of those "end
    of civilization" scenarios.
[06:35] Sei
    What?
SIGN    1 Our
    4 Forlorn
     6 Sad
    7 Society
    
    1467 - Onin War
[06:36] Sei
    "Our forlorn, sad society: Onin War"?
[06:38] Gin
    Wrong!
SIGN    1 One night
    4 For all
    6 Signs of civilization to
    7 Shatter, eh, honey?
    
    1467 - Onin War
[06:40] Gin
    "One night for all signs of civilization to shatter, eh, honey? Onin War."
[06:42] Sei
    Why keep asking her for confirmation?!
[06:46] Sei
    Still, I had no idea something
    like that happened to our planet.
[06:51] Gin
    Well, you need to at least study
    up on your own country's history.
[06:54] Gin
    Right, honey—
[06:56] Tsu
    Which country's history is that, Korosensei?
[07:00] Tsu
    Don't twist history any more.
[07:02] Tsu
    What do you think you're teaching him?
[07:04] Gin
    Calm down.
[07:05] Gin
    Rather than learning details,
[07:07] Gin
    what's important is to make him
    develop an interest in history first.
[07:10] Sei
    Korosensei,
[07:11] Sei
    what happened to this country after that?
[07:14] Gin
    See what I mean?
[07:16] Gin
    Okay, let's keep going.
[07:18] Gin
    Anyway, the Ragnarok I mentioned
    earlier reduced Japan to nothing.
[07:22] Sei
    What's Ragnarok, now?
[07:24] Gin
    It's another name for the Onin War, dumbass.
[07:27] Gin
    So, once the country lost its rulers,
[07:30] Gin
    Sengoku generals popped
    up all over the place,
[07:32] Gin
    and waged bloody battle for
    the right to make it their own.
[07:35] Sei
    So that's the warring states
    era I've heard so much about.
[07:38] Gin
    That's right.
[07:41] Tsu
    It's still somewhat off, but at least
    they've managed to get back on track.
[07:45] Sei
    I'm not great with dates,
[07:47] Sei
    but I do know about the Sengoku generals.
[07:48] Sei
    Oda Nobunaga and Tokugawa Ieyasu, right?
[07:51] Sei
    Who else was there?
[07:54] Gin
    The men considered the strongest in the era
[07:55] Gin
    were Takeda Shingen and
    his rival Uesugi Kenshin.
[07:59] Sei
    Who else?
[07:59] Gin
    Who else?
[08:01] Gin
    Akechi Mitsuhide,
[08:03] Gin
    and Ishida Mitsunari...
[08:04] Sei
    Who else?
[08:05] Gin
    Wh-Who else...
[08:07] Sei
    Hey, who else?
[08:10] Gin
    And then there were mostly gorillas.
[08:12] Tsu
    The gorillas were still alive?!
[08:15] Sei
    Wait a sec.
[08:16] Sei
    Weren't the gorillas wiped out
    during the Onin War?
[08:21] Tsu
    Seita, you've got it wrong.
[08:22] Tsu
    There was a Sengoku general named
    Toyotomi Hideyoshi, you see.
[08:26] Tsu
    Due to his appearance, Nobunaga
    teased him by calling him "Gorilla."
[08:30] Tsu
    Gintoki, that's what you
    were talking about, right?
[08:32] Gin
    Precisely.
[08:34] Sei
    But I thought Hideyoshi
    had the nickname "Monkey."
[08:37] Gin
    Monkeys, gorillas, and Hideyoshi
    are pretty much the same, anyway.
[08:39] Gin
    They all have crazy grip strength.
[08:40] Gin
    That's how Basara seized the nation!
[08:43] Gin
    The sword hunt he ordered
    to suppress the farmers
[08:45] Gin
    was actually a banana hunt, you know?
[08:47] Sei
    What?
[08:48] Sei
    It's not "our lands free of every
    enemy's sword: sword hunt"?
SIGN    1 Our lands
    5 Free of
    8 Every
    8 Enemy's sword
    
    1588 - Sword Hunt
[08:51] Gin
    Nope.
SIGN    1 One
    5 Fine banana's
    8 Extra
    8 Enormous, right, goriest honey?
    
    1588 - Banana Hunt
[08:52] Gin
    It's "One fine banana's extra enormous,
    right, goriest honey? Banana hunt."
[08:55] Tsu
    That's just a gorilla through and through!
[08:57] Sei
    So Hideyoshi was a survivor
    of an extinct ancient species?
[09:01] Sei
    That's why Nobunaga valued him so highly!
[09:03] Tsu
    What are you gonna do?
[09:04] Tsu
    History's going off-track again!
[09:06] Gin
    That's not it.
[09:08] Gin
    Hideyoshi was actually known as a swindler
[09:10] Gin
    because he was was such a master
    at stealing people's hearts.
[09:13] Gin
    There's a story that goes...
[09:15] Gin
    One cold winter, Nobunaga put on his sandals,
[09:17] Gin
    only to find them warm for some reason.
[09:20] Gin
    He figured Hideyoshi must've been
    wasting time on his backside,
[09:23] Gin
    so he went to scold him.
[09:25] Gin
    But here's what Hideyoshi said:
[09:27] Gin
    "Forgive me, my lord.
[09:29] Gin
    I thought it wouldn't do for your feet
    to grow cold on this winter night,
[09:34] Gin
    so I used the ancient weapon, Excalibur Omega,
[09:37] Gin
    to heat up your sandals."
[09:38] Tsu
    What kind of story is that?!
[09:40] Sei
    What the hell is Excalibur Omega?
[09:42] Sei
    Don't tell me, the weapon that destroyed
    the world was still around?!
[09:46] Gin
    The import of guns in 1543 was simply
    a fake-out to conceal the truth.
[09:51] Sei
    You're saying it wasn't "Our firearms will be
    funded by our treasury from now on: guns"?!
SIGN    1 Our
    5 Firearms will be
    4 Funded by our
    3 Treasury from now on
    
    1543 - Import of Guns
[09:54] Gin
    That's right!
[09:55] Gin
    It was "One more female for the harem:
    from now on, you are my new honey"!
SIGN    1 One more
    5 Female
    4 For
    3 The Harem
    
    From now on,
    you are my new honey
[09:59] Tsu
    What happened to the Excalibur Omega?!
[10:01] Tsu
    Forget it!
[10:02] Tsu
    If things go any more off-track,
    we'll never be able to recover!
[10:06] Tsu
    Well, let's leave the Excalibur
    Omega on the sandals for now.
[10:09] Tsu
    Nobunaga had another trusted
    aide aside from Hideyoshi.
[10:13] Tsu
    That was Akechi Mitsuhide.
[10:15] Tsu
    He was a man with talents
    that surpassed Hideyoshi,
[10:18] Tsu
    but that caused a rift
    between him and Nobunaga
[10:21] Tsu
    that would eventually tear
    the two heroes apart.
[10:24] Tsu
    It led to the "15th Evening
    Treason, the Honno-ji Incident."
SIGN    1
    5th
    8 Evening
    2 Treason
    
    1582 - Honno-ji Incident
[10:28] Tsu
    Mitsuhide turned on his lord,
    Nobunaga, and burned him to death.
[10:34] Sei
    Oh?
[10:35] Sei
    Well, I've heard of that, so I don't really—
[10:38] Tsu
    But that's just a fake-out.
[10:39] Tsu
    In truth, it was just an explosion and fire
[10:41] Tsu
    caused by Mitsuhide when he
    tried to rip off Hideyoshi's idea
[10:44] Tsu
    and microwave Nobunaga's
    sandals to warm them up.
[10:47] Sei
    What?! That's what the Honno-ji Incident was?
[10:50] Sei
    Wait, was that microwave also Excalibur...
[10:53] Tsu
    ...Sigma, yes.
[10:55] Gin
    You're jumping to this side, too?!
[10:58] Tsu
    It was the year 1582.
[10:59] Tsu
    The mnemonic is "One fire engulfed
    those strawberry panties, honey."
SIGN    1 One
    5 Fire
    8 Engulfed
    2 Those strawberry
    panties, honey
[11:03] Gin
    Wait, Excalibur Sigma's
    just "honey" from earlier?!
[11:06] Gin
    If even you come to this side, how are
    we gonna return history to normal?!
[11:09] Sei
    So, what happened to Mitsuhide?
[11:12] Sei
    Hey, what happened?
[11:15] Hin
    Shouldn't that be obvious?
[11:22] Hin
    Only the Omega could stop the Sigma.
[11:25] Hin
    When Hideyoshi stood before Mitsuhide,
[11:29] Hin
    Omega and Sigma were fired,
    destroying the world.
[11:34] Hin
    But while it was the end of everything,
[11:37] Hin
    it also marked the beginning of it all.
[11:40] Hin
    That's how the world we live in came to be.
[11:44] Hin
    This is where our history truly begins.
[11:47] Hin
    So, Gin-san, Tsukuyo,
[11:50] Hin
    why don't you take it from
    the top, one more time?
SIGN    Hinoya Tea House
[11:56] Gin
    Hey, lend me volume ten of Hana no Keiji.
[11:59] Tsu
    From Me to Thou for me, then.
[12:09] Shin
    What do I do?
[12:11] Shin
    Who knows what'll happen
    if Sis ever finds these?
[12:14] Shin
    I really shouldn't have done this,
[12:16] Shin
    but I couldn't help myself.
[12:20] Gin
    Oh, sorry.
[12:33] Gin
    Pachi-boy...
[12:34] Gin
    When you get home, wash your hands first.
[12:36] Shin
    Hold it right there!
[12:37] Shin
    You've got it all wrong!
SIGN    You Can Hide Your Porn Mags
    But You Can't Hide Your °°°
[12:46] (Flashback) Tak
    Please, Shin-chan!
[12:49] (Flashback) Tak
    My family doesn't take too
    kindly to this kinda thing,
[12:53] (Flashback) Tak
    so I'd like to move these to
    a safe location for a while.
[12:57] (Flashback) Tak
    It's just a temporary thing.
[13:00] Shin
    And that's the whole story.
[13:02] Shin
    So it's not like I, uh, had anything
    dirty in mind for th-these.
[13:08] Gin
    Hey, I didn't ask for an explanation.
[13:10] Gin
    Well, I'm a guy, too.
[13:11] Gin
    Don't worry, I understand.
[13:13] Shin
    What exactly is it that you understand?
[13:16] Gin
    I get it, I really do.
[13:17] Gin
    Basically, "from now on, always knock
    before entering Shinpachi's room,
[13:22] Gin
    and never empty the trash in
    his dustbin without permission."
[13:25] Gin
    I just need to tell Kagura
    and Otae that, right?
[13:27] Shin
    What the hell are you trying to tell them?!
[13:28] Shin
    You don't get it at all!
[13:31] Gin
    Yeah, you gotta go through a Jump phase
    before you climb the stairs to adulthood.
[13:35] Gin
    I went through a Video Girl
    phase and stuff myself.
[13:37] Shin
    Don't lump the two together!
[13:38] Shin
    I don't see Jump through such vulgar eyes!
[13:41] Gin
    Then what?
[13:43] Gin
    Are you saying it's embarrassing
    to have Ho Love-ru?
[13:45] Shin
    I-It's not.
SIGN    Owie!
[13:48] Shin
    Just that there are people out there,
[13:50] Shin
    like Taka-chin's parents, who focus on the
    naughty bits and get the wrong idea, right?
SIGN    Look out!
SIGN    Huh?
[13:54] Shin
    Even my sister's pretty
    strict about that stuff.
[13:57] (Flashback) Tae
    What is this, Shin-chan?
[13:59] Gin
    Ignore them. What would women know
    about Ho Love-ru's greatness?
[14:03] Gin
    In our modern society, where porn
    floods the Internet and phones,
[14:05] Gin
    and the rules and regulations
    keep getting stricter,
[14:08] Gin
    HLR still refuses to yield, and
    boldly shows nipples in Jump.
[14:11] Gin
    How much courage do you think that
    instills in the hearts of young boys?
[14:14] Gin
    It's nothing like the nudes crazy
    women put up on the Internet.
[14:17] Gin
    It's as meaningful as a pure
    idol taking off her clothes!
[14:20] Gin
    In the first place—
[14:21] Shin
    All right, all right!
[14:22] Shin
    I get how amazing nipples are,
    but could you keep it down?
[14:25] Shin
    Sis might hear us!
[14:28] Shin
    Anyway,
[14:30] Shin
    in order to protect those young boys'
    dreams from Sis and the others—
[14:33] Gin
    They're called the PTA.
[14:34] Shin
    Right.
[14:35] Shin
    In order to protect them from the PTA,
    they sadly have to be hidden somewhere.
[14:40] Shin
    What do we do?
[14:42] Gin
    What do you mean?
[14:43] Gin
    I'm sure you've hidden a
    porn mag or two before.
[14:47] Shin
    N-No, I haven't.
[14:49] Shin
    I've never even read stuff like that...
[14:53] Shin
    Hey! What are you doing?!
[14:55] Gin
    Oh, here? Quite the orthodox move.
[14:57] Shin
    Y-You've got it wrong!
[14:59] Shin
    I only collected these because
    they had Otsu-chan interviews!
[15:03] Gin
    And this over here's...
[15:05] Gin
    Hiding books among other books, eh?
[15:07] Shin
    That's not it, either!
[15:09] Gin
    Or is it so you can use the
    "I'm just randomly putting books
[15:12] Gin
    where there's space, it's not
    like I'm hiding them" excuse?
[15:14] Shin
    No!
[15:15] Shin
    I just had some empty space on my
    shelf, so I bought them to fill it!
[15:20] Gin
    You're naive, Pachi-boy.
[15:22] Gin
    Way too naive.
[15:23] Gin
    Your hiding places are the ones
    98% of guys in this country
[15:27] Gin
    would think of first—the
    most cliched of cliches!
[15:29] Gin
    You can hardly call that "hiding."
[15:32] Gin
    It's the same as sticking them
    next to volumes of Dragonball!
[15:36] Gin
    Don't underestimate the PTA.
[15:38] Gin
    They only left you alive 'cause you lacked
    the balls to buy actual porn mags.
[15:44] Gin
    You're such a pleb that Young Jump packaging
[15:45] Gin
    and the lingerie pages of mail-order
    catalogs are enough to satisfy you,
[15:49] Gin
    so they never even took
    notice of you. That's all!
[15:51] Shin
    Did you have to reveal that?
[15:54] Gin
    Pachi-boy,
[15:55] Gin
    when you're looking to hide porn
    mags, what do you consider first?
[15:58] Shin
    Wh-Where they'd never catch anyone's eye.
[16:02] Shin
    Something like that?
[16:03] Gin
    That's where you go wrong.
[16:05] Gin
    No matter how you disguise it,
[16:07] Gin
    the very act of hiding something will
    make something seem off in the room.
[16:11] Gin
    And the PTA specializes in
[16:12] Gin
    sniffing out your nervous,
    guilt-ridden, and virgin stench.
[16:17] Shin
    The PTA's way too scary!
[16:20] Gin
    Don't hide porn mags in your room.
[16:23] Gin
    Use the room to hide porn mags!
[16:25] Gin
    If you remodel your entire room,
[16:27] Gin
    no one thing will seem off,
    weakening the PTA's sense of smell.
[16:31] Gin
    You must turn this room into a fortress that
    exists solely to protect your porn mags!
[16:34] Shin
    Is hiding porn mags that big a deal?
[16:37] Gin
    First, move the furniture around,
    and put padlocks on all the storage.
[16:41] Shin
    But that'd make it obvious
    that I'm hiding something.
[16:43] Gin
    It's just a fake-out.
[16:46] Gin
    Put something you value in there.
[16:47] Gin
    However, the PTA will definitely jump at it,
[16:51] Gin
    and as they keep prying locks
    open, their suspicion will fade.
[16:54] Gin
    You can hide the very
    act of hiding porn mags.
[16:58] Shin
    Talk about an elaborate ploy!
[16:59] Shin
    Why's this guy acting like some
    kind of porn-mag-hiding strategist?
[17:03] Shin
    But wait.
[17:04] Shin
    What if they immediately open the
    lock keeping the porn mags safe?
[17:07] Gin
    Oh, we won't lock up the porn mags.
[17:09] Gin
    Just casually put them in this bookshelf.
[17:13] Gin
    In the PTA's eyes, hiding something means you
    might as well be begging someone to find it.
[17:18] Gin
    So we won't hide them.
[17:19] Gin
    That is the best way to
    pull wool over their eyes.
[17:22] Shin
    The porn-mag strategist is overthinking
    things to the point of not making sense.
[17:26] Shin
    B-But what if they happen to find them?
[17:29] Gin
    Didn't I tell you?
[17:30] Gin
    This room is a fortress to protect porn mags.
[17:32] Gin
    In order for the room itself
    to hide the porn mags,
[17:34] Gin
    it'll take on a layout that
    matches the porn mags.
[17:37] Gin
    The PTA will never turn
    their attention to the porn.
[17:40] Gin
    Because they'll be busy focusing on you.
[17:43] Shin
    Are you kidding me?!
[17:44] Shin
    Instead of my porn mags, they'll find
    out about this outrageous fetish!
[17:48] Gin
    Like I said, the room
    will match the porn mags.
[17:50] Shin
    More like it's become a porno itself!
[17:53] Gin
    Who cares about the room?
    Don't lose sight of your cause.
[17:56] Shin
    You're the one who's lost sight!
[17:58] Shin
    Trying to hide porn with porn
    is stupid in the first place!
[18:01] Shin
    I'm trying to keep any and all
    perversion hidden here!
[18:04] Gin
    What? Really?
[18:05] Gin
    That's impossible.
[18:07] Gin
    There's no way to hide
    your perversion. I give up!
[18:09] Gin
    What's that supposed to mean?!
[18:11] Shin
    I'd be done for if anyone
    saw my room like this!
[18:13] Gin
    Well, you do have a point.
[18:16] Gin
    If you don't want your porn mags discovered,
[18:18] Gin
    the easiest way is not letting
    the PTA into this room at all.
[18:22] Shin
    I never said anything of the sort.
[18:24] Shin
    Is it possible, though?
[18:26] Gin
    That said, putting a padlock on
    the door would be too suspicious.
[18:29] Gin
    Rather than something to keep them
    out physically, we need a mental trick
[18:32] Gin
    that'll make them not want to enter the room.
[18:35] Gin
    Like this, then?
[18:37] Shin
    Nothing's changed from before!
[18:39] Gin
    Nobody'd want to set foot in here.
[18:41] Gin
    They'd be more like "sorry for interrupting."
[18:43] Shin
    Yeah, I bet!
[18:44] Shin
    I'd rather submit to a padlock
    on the door than to this!
[18:52] Shin
    Not "submit" like that!
[18:55] Gin
    Later.
[18:55] Shin
    Don't give me that!
[18:56] Shin
    Untie me! Also, the porn mag
    problem hasn't been solved at all!
[18:59] Gin
    Let's do this, then.
[19:01] Gin
    Sure, petty tricks like hiding won't
    prove effective against the PTA.
[19:06] Gin
    We just need to make it so they won't
    recognize porn mags even if they do find them.
[19:11] Gin
    For example, something like this...
SIGN    You found this? Something might be hiding in the book shelf, too.
SIGN    Good job finding this. You might find something under the tatami mats next.
SIGN    Now, then. Where's the last one? On the desk, maybe?
SIGN    Happy birthday, Sis.
[19:33] Tae
    Shin-chan...
[19:34] Shin
    As if!
[19:35] Shin
    What kinda birthday surprise is that?
[19:37] Shin
    Why portray porn mags as something romantic?!
[19:39] Gin
    This way, she'll be so happy, she'll
    forget all about finding the porn mags.
[19:43] Shin
    Like hell she will!
[19:44] Shin
    I'm totally giving her one as a present!
[19:46] Gin
    Then what about this?
[19:48] Tae
    Shin-chan?
[19:50] Tae
    What? What are these books?!
[20:07] Tae
    I'm sorry...
[20:09] Shin
    As if!
[20:10] Shin
    Why am I playing dominoes with porn mags?!
[20:12] Shin
    Why would she apologize there?!
[20:14] Gin
    The guilt of toppling your dominoes
[20:15] Gin
    will make her forget all
    about finding the porn mags.
[20:17] Shin
    Like hell she'd forget!
[20:19] Shin
    Seeing her brother like that
    would traumatize her for life!
[20:21] Gin
    I knew you'd say that, so I added
    a little trick to the dominoes.
SIGN    Happy birthday, Sis.
[20:27] Gin
    "Happy birthday, Sis."
[20:28] Shin
    I'm telling you, enough about birthdays!
[20:33] Tae
    Shin-chan!
[20:34] Shin
    Seriously, that's not gonna happen!
[20:35] Shin
    That doesn't hide what it is!
[20:37] Shin
    Besides, this method only lets me
    hide porn mags on her birthday!
SIGN    Every day, someone in the world is celebrating a happy birthday.
[20:40] Gin
    "Every day, someone in the world
    is celebrating a happy birthday."
[20:43] Shin
    Quit making poignant statements
    using porn mags! It's annoying!
[20:46] P
    Oh, Shin-chan!
[20:47] Shin
    What're people from all
    over the world doing here?!
[20:49] Shin
    Also, now my porn mags have
    been discovered worldwide!
SIGN    Happy birthday, me.
[20:53] Gin
    "Happy birthday, me."
[20:54] Shin
    That makes me look really lonely!
[20:59] Shin
    Somebody show up already!
    Somebody come celebrate my birthday!
[21:02] Shin
    Jeez, I've been thinking about porn mags so
    much, I don't know what's what anymore—
[21:07] Shin
    What's wrong with having porn mags?
[21:09] Shin
    Why do I have to hide them?
[21:11] Shin
    Actually, what are porn mags?
[21:12] Shin
    What does erotic mean?
[21:14] Gin
    Is your brain fried?
[21:15] Shin
    You know, Ho Love-ru isn't even porn, right?
[21:19] Shin
    If you only look at the cover, you won't
    be able to tell it has fanservice, right?
[21:24] Gin
    Wait, could it be...
[21:29] Gin
    This could work.
SIGN    Ho Love-ru Dragonball
[21:31] Gin
    What the hell? We were
    just overthinking things!
[21:34] Shin
    We jumped to conclusions and started
    thinking of all kinds of ridiculous things.
[21:37] Gin
    That's what you get for having
    perverted thoughts all the time.
[21:40] Shin
    That's just how it goes.
[21:42] Shin
    'Cause, really, all men...
[21:43] Gin
    ...think with their dicks.
[21:47] Gin
    Man, thinking about all
    that crap wore me out.
[21:50] Gin
    Let's go get some tea somewhere.
[21:57] Both
    Oh...
[21:58] Tae
    Shin-chan, Gin-san.
[22:01] Tae
    I brought tea...
[22:06] B
    We forgot to clean up the room.
SIGN    Next Episode
[23:40] Sac
    At last, my 1LGK home is complete!
[23:44] Gin
    Next Episode:
SIGN    A Mirror Provides a Frozen Reflection
    of Both Your Beautiful and Ugly Sides
[23:45] Gin
    "A Mirror Provides a Frozen Reflection
    of Both Your Beautiful and Ugly Sides,"
[23:48] Gin
    and one more.
SIGN    At this point, the word "frozen"
SIGN    only brings to mind one thing,
SIGN    but this manga chapter was published first,
SIGN    so we decided to let it go!

E270 - A Mirror Provides a Frozen Reflection of Both Your Beautiful and Ugly Sides

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[01:49] Kag
    What's with the morning sickness?
[01:51] Kag
    So annoying. Scoot.
[01:55] Kag
    Where's the toothpaste?
[01:57] Gin
    In your hand.
[02:00] Kag
    Not this. The new tube.
[02:01] Gin
    That one's still usable.
[02:06] Kag
    It's all empty.
[02:07] Kag
    You used the last bit.
[02:09] Gin
    Then...
[02:11] Gin
    Fill it with water.
[02:13] Kag
    This isn't Setsuko's can of fruit drops.
[02:15] Gin
    You should learn from her and
    try taking some runny dumps.
[02:20] Gin
    It doesn't matter what you brush
    your teeth with anyway.
[02:23] Gin
    All right. You can use some
    of my Tsubakiki Shampoo.
[02:27] Kag
    My poop really will be runny.
[02:29] Gin
    What's your problem? Bitching and
    whining first thing in the morning...
[02:34] Gin
    I'm hungover here.
[02:36] Gin
    What will it take to satisfy
    you, Your Highness?
[02:39] Kag
    Vidal Hahhoon.
[02:42] Gin
    Fine.
[02:45] Gin
    Here's some money. Go buy—
[02:47] Kag
    Woohoo!
[02:49] Gin
    Hey! Don't you dare!
[02:51] Gin
    Buy toothpaste!
[02:56] Gin
    That's weird.
[02:59] Gin
    Did we always have a mirror here?
[03:03] Kag
    I'm off!
[03:04] Kag
    Hold it right there, Kagura!
[03:19] Sac
    That was close!
SIGN    A Mirror Provides a Frozen Reflection
    of Both Your Beautiful and Ugly Sides
SIGN    I got some repair work done while you guys were out, so don't touch the mirror - Otose
[03:27] Sac
    This note...
[03:29] Sac
    I really should stick it in
    a more noticeable place.
SIGN    I got some repair work done while you guys were out, so don't touch the mirror - Otose
[03:34] Sac
    Perfect.
[03:37] Sac
    At last, my home,
[03:39] Sac
    the mecca where I get to observe,
    long-term, Gin-san's knapsack,
[03:42] Sac
    my very own 1LGK, is complete!
[03:46] Sac
    There aren't many properties
    with a view this good!
[03:48] Sac
    From this magic mirror,
[03:50] Sac
    I can ogle every last bit of him, from
    the back of his **** to the tip of his !
[03:54] Sac
    Ah, I'm starting to get hot
    just thinking about it...
[03:58] Sac
    He's back!
[04:02] Sac
    You can bare it all, Gin-san.
[04:05] Sac
    This mirror exists to freeze
    that moment in time!
[04:08] Shin
    Huh?
[04:10] Shin
    Gin-san?
[04:10] Sac
    What, it's just the glasses hanger? Get lost!
[04:11] Shin
    Kagura-chan? Where are you?
[04:15] Shin
    Huh?
[04:16] Shin
    A mirror?
[04:17] Shin
    Wow, when did she get repairs done?
[04:21] Shin
    Well, yeah, I guess we do use
    the kitchen as a washroom.
[04:25] Sac
    Yes, thanks for that explanation.
    Now will Yamcha please exit the stage?
[04:28] Shin
    I wonder if they'll notice I got a haircut.
[04:30] Sac
    But nothing's changed.
    Nobody's gonna notice, for sure.
[04:34] Shin
    Did I get too adventurous this time?
[04:36] Sac
    I'm not seeing where you
    went on an adventure.
[04:38] Sac
    You haven't set one foot outside your home.
[04:41] Sac
    Uh, what's the deal? Aren't you done yet?
[04:44] Sac
    Enough with the 45 degree angle already!
[04:46] Sac
    You're pissing me off!
[04:49] Shin
    All right.
[04:51] Sac
    He finally left.
[04:53] Sac
    I had to see a pointless side
    of a pointless guy there.
[04:58] Sac
    Somebody's here!
[05:00] Sac
    Enough already, damn it!
[05:03] Shin
    What the hell?!
[05:04] Sac
    What the hell is your problem?!
[05:07] Shin
    Who are you calling Tom Cruise?!
[05:08] Shin
    We just share the same hairstyle!
[05:09] Sac
    You're never gonna get a
    chance to use that retort!
[05:12] Shin
    I only look like him from a 45 degree angle!
[05:15] Sac
    Nobody's gonna notice!
    You haven't changed one bit!
[05:17] Shin
    Don't get me in trouble!
[05:18] Shin
    All right.
[05:19] Sac
    Are you done now?
[05:20] Shin
    Bed hair, all good.
[05:21] Shin
    Nostril hair, all good.
[05:22] Shin
    Unshaven spots, all good.
[05:24] Sac
    Yeah, yeah. Don't worry.
[05:25] Sac
    Nobody pays that much attention
    to you, you pre-pubescent virgin.
[05:31] Shin
    Chest hair, all good.
[05:33] Sac
    All good, my ass!
[05:35] Sac
    Why is a virgin so shaggy?!
[05:35] Shin
    Who knows what they'd say if they saw this.
[05:36] Sac
    For such a paper-thin character,
    he sure has some thick body hair!
[05:40] Shin
    Maybe I should give permanent
    hair removal a shot.
[05:43] Sac
    I saw something I shouldn't have.
[05:45] Sac
    This is Shinpachi-kun's true form.
[05:49] Sac
    The name "Shinpachi-kun"
    doesn't fit him anymore.
[05:51] Sac
    I can only see him as Wakadaisho!
[05:53] Kag
    I'm back.
[05:57] Sac
    Wakadaisho!
[06:00] Kag
    What are you doing?
[06:02] Shin
    N-Nothing.
[06:04] Shin
    I wanted to drink some Fanda
    Grape, but it burst out.
[06:08] Shin
    A-Anyway, weren't you with Gin-san?
[06:11] Kag
    Don't ask me.
[06:12] Shin
    I-I see.
[06:14] Shin
    That won't do, Kagura-chan.
[06:16] Shin
    You shouldn't go out
    without washing your face.
[06:18] Kag
    Oh, I forgot.
[06:20] Shin
    Girls need to be careful
    about their appearance.
[06:24] Sac
    He made it through!
[06:25] Sac
    Why do I have to go through such
    a nerve-racking experience?
[06:30] Kag
    Eye crap, all good.
[06:31] Kag
    Nose crap, all good.
[06:32] Kag
    Teeth crap, all good.
[06:33] Sac
    Now it's your turn?
SIGN    I got some repair work done while you guys were out, so don't touch the mirror - Otose
[06:35] Sac
    As if a heroine could ever
    have stuff like that.
[06:39] Kag
    Oops.
[06:40] Kag
    I forgot about the pole of crap.
[06:44] Sac
    Something very unbecoming of a
    heroine just burst out of her ass!
[06:48] Kag
    I have to shampoo this, too.
[06:50] Sac
    Wait, is that...
[06:51] Sac
    A tail?!
[06:53] Sac
    This girl has a tail?!
[06:55] Sac
    270 episodes in, and this
    shocking truth comes to light?!
[06:59] Kag
    It'd really suck if people saw this.
[07:02] Kag
    They'd definitely call it a pole of crap.
[07:04] Kag
    Maybe I should give permanent
    hair removal a shot.
[07:06] Sac
    Uh, will permanent hair
    removal even work on that?
[07:09] Kag
    But without this, I wouldn't
    be able to braid my hair...
[07:12] Sac
    That's how you braided it?
[07:14] Kag
    Or transform when I see the moon...
[07:17] Sac
    She could transform?!
[07:19] Kag
    Or wrap it around my waist like a
    belt when I put on my combat suit.
[07:24] Sac
    I'd heard she belonged to a warrior race,
[07:26] Sac
    but I had no idea they were the real deal!
[07:28] Sac
    The name "Kagura-chan"
    doesn't fit her anymore.
[07:30] Sac
    I can only see her as Kakarot!
[07:34] Sac
    What am I to do?
[07:36] Sac
    One after the other...
[07:38] Sac
    How am I supposed to take these revelations?
[07:42] Gin
    I'm back.
[07:44] Sac
    Kakarot!
[07:49] Gin
    What are you doing?
[07:51] Kag
    N-Nothing.
[07:53] Kag
    I just drank some Fanda Grape,
    and it started bursting out of my ass.
[07:57] Kag
    I-I put the Vidal Hahhoon
    and toothpaste over there.
[08:01] Gin
    H-Hey.
[08:03] Kag
    Also, I bought you some hangover
    medicine, so don't forget to take it.
[08:11] Sac
    You guys forgot to take
    something far more important!
[08:14] Sac
    And now it looks like something outrageous!
[08:16] Sac
    Another two dragonballs and
    Shenron will show up here!
[08:19] Sac
    It's over!
[08:20] Sac
    You guys will be exposed for sure!
[08:22] Sac
    Ah, how wrong I was.
[08:26] Sac
    I shouldn't have witnessed their true selves.
[08:32] Sac
    I never wanted to see the bond
    that Odd Jobs had fall apart.
[08:39] Gin
    Those guys...
[08:41] Gin
    They were hiding something like this from me?
[08:44] Gin
    Sheesh.
[08:45] Gin
    Did they seriously think I hadn't noticed?
[08:49] Sac
    Don't tell me, Gin-san...
[08:51] Sac
    You knew?
[08:52] Sac
    You knew everything and had
    long since accepted it all?
[08:56] Gin
    You guys...
[09:00] Gin
    I knew long ago that you'd realized
[09:03] Gin
    I wear a wig.
[09:08] Gin
    Thanks for this wonderful present,
[09:11] Gin
    for accepting me as I am.
[09:14] Gin
    What am I supposed to use this for?
[09:16] Gin
    Oh, I get it.
[09:18] Gin
    I have been really thinning
    down there lately.
[09:21] Gin
    So this is how it's used.
[09:23] Gin
    Yeah.
[09:25] Gin
    Lookin' pretty good—
[09:35] Sac
    P-Pardon the intrujin.
[09:46] Gin
    A mirror also reflects
    your ugly side as it is.
[09:52] Gin
    While she was watching us, she was also
    taking a long, hard look at herself...
[09:57] Gin
    The ugly sight of her peeping at
    things people wanted to keep hidden.
[10:01] Shin
    Uh...
[10:02] Shin
    No matter how you look at it,
    we were the ones exposing ourselves.
[10:05] Kag
    Well, I hope she learned her lesson.
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan Snack Otose
[10:08] Gin
    At the very least, she won't be able
    to look in a mirror for a while.
[10:27] Gin
    The hell are you doing?
[10:30] Sac
    Have I become a mirror of your true self now?
[10:34] Sac
    Tee-hee.
[10:35] Gin
    I don't wear glasses.
SIGN    Special Police
    Shinsengumi
SIGN    Special Service Award Yamazaki Sagaru
SIGN    Special Service Award Yamazaki Sagaru
[10:49] G
    Looks like Yamazaki did some good
    work and got recognized by the brass.
[10:54] G
    Guess he really is cut out to be an inspector.
[10:57] G
    He's truly an inspector among inspectors.
[11:00] G
    But, you know,
[11:02] G
    I've been wondering for a while...
[11:04] G
    What exactly do inspectors do?
[11:09] G
    I've heard their job is to eat anpan 24/7.
[11:12] G
    Nah, it's all about badminton.
[11:14] G
    What? Really?
[11:16] G
    That's what inspectors do?
[11:18] G
    Basically, it's mundane work assigned to
    mediocre guys with no particular talents.
[11:24] G
    Ah, I see.
[11:26] G
    No wonder Yamazaki's a good fit.
[11:30] Ymz
    Damn it all!
[11:33] Ymz
    Nobody understands what I go through!
[11:37] Ymz
    Sure, inspectors handle boring,
    behind-the-scenes tasks like stakeouts and recon.
[11:42] Ymz
    But if it weren't for us
    laying the groundwork,
[11:44] Ymz
    those guys who do the actual field work
    wouldn't be able to do anything!
SIGN    Spies don't get any days off this year either!!
SIGN    Available for Rental Starting 5/6 (Thu)
SIGN    Spy Works Collection
[11:51] Ymz
    Maybe I should become a spy, too.
[11:54] Att
    I'm very sorry.
[11:56] Att
    Your license seems to have expired,
    so we can't issue you a membership card.
[12:00] Zen
    Ack. I forgot to go renew it.
[12:04] Zen
    What a pain.
[12:05] Zen
    Do I really have to visit that
    training institute again?
[12:13] Ymz
    W-Wait a second!
[12:16] Ymz
    S-Sorry, just wondering...
[12:18] Ymz
    Where can I get one of those ninja licenses?
SIGN    Hattori Zenzo Birthday: 8/22 School: Iga
    Valid until 9/22 Former Leader of the Oniwaban
SIGN    Current Occupation: Freelance Jonin
SIGN    Ninja License
SIGN    Oedo Ninja Association
SIGN    Nobody Likes the Photo on Their License
SIGN    Oedo Ninja Training Institute
[12:31] W
    My, how unusual.
[12:34] W
    You don't see a lot of people applying
    for ninja licenses these days.
SIGN    Reception
[12:38] W
    Let me make this clear first.
[12:39] W
    Becoming a ninja doesn't
    mean you'll be able to use
[12:41] W
    stuff like the Rasengan or chakra, okay?
[12:45] Ymz
    O-Okay.
[12:46] W
    Write down your name and address here.
[12:48] Ymz
    Okay!
[12:50] Ymz
    Now I can really show those guys.
[12:52] Ymz
    Ninjas are experts at espionage,
[12:54] Ymz
    so if I can get a license...
[12:57] Ymz
    But this place...
SIGN    Be careful not to use ninjutsu and genjutsu illegally.
SIGN    You can be a ninja too!
SIGN    Ninja tools on sale
[12:59] Ymz
    Is it really legit?
SIGN    Nightingale-Flooring Room
[13:02] Zen
    What course are you gonna go for?
[13:04] Ymz
    Wait, there are multiple courses?
[13:06] Zen
    Yeah.
SIGN    Genin Course
[13:09] Zen
    The genin course is basically
    like getting a moped license.
[13:12] Zen
    You can complete it in a day.
[13:13] Ymz
    What? You can become a ninja in a day?
SIGN    Chunin Course
[13:16] Zen
    The chunin course is like
    a motorbike license,
SIGN    Jonin Course
[13:18] Zen
    and the jonin course is like a regular,
    automatic transmission vehicle license.
SIGN    Hokage Course
[13:22] Zen
    The Hokage course is a bit tricky.
[13:24] Zen
    It's the same as a manual
    transmission vehicle license.
[13:26] Ymz
    Aren't you taking the Hokage too lightly?!
[13:29] Ymz
    There's a limit to taking it easy!
[13:31] Ymz
    What did Naruto and friends
    put in all that effort for?!
[13:33] Zen
    Well, if all you want is a license,
    the genin course should do.
[13:37] Ymz
    It doesn't feel special at all anymore.
SIGN    Reception
[13:41] W
    Zen-chan, I take it you
    want your license renewed?
[13:43] Zen
    Yeah.
[13:44] Zen
    I had a gold license, but I got
    hit with a speeding ticket.
[13:48] W
    You're too light on your feet.
[13:51] Ymz
    Even ninjas can get speeding tickets?
[13:53] Ymz
    Is it against the law to run too fast?!
[13:56] W
    One moment.
[13:56] W
    I'll go see if any instructors are free.
[14:01] W
    Hey, Gramps.
[14:04] W
    Some kids are here for training.
[14:06] G
    K-Knock before you open the door, you hag!
[14:09] W
    What's wrong with you?!
[14:10] W
    Are you watching A Kunoichi's
    Porn Diaries again?!
[14:13] W
    Didn't I tell you to stop because
    it's bad for your health?
[14:16] W
    Anyway, what do we do?
[14:17] W
    How are you gonna teach two at once?
[14:18] G
    Sh-Shut up!
[14:20] G
    I'll just teach them using the clone technique!
[14:23] W
    I threw your clone in the trash
    because was busted and leaking air!
[14:27] G
    Who said you could do that, you shitty hag?!
[14:30] G
    My Kunoichi III!
[14:36] G
    There you have it.
[14:37] G
    You two will be going through joint training.
[14:41] Ymz
    Uh, Zenzo-san.
[14:44] Ymz
    Is this place really okay?
[14:46] Zen
    No need to worry.
[14:48] G
    Let's get this over with.
    Report to the garden at once.
[14:48] Zen
    Despite what he looks like,
[14:50] Zen
    that geezer was a trusted
    friend of my father,
[14:52] Zen
    the former Oniwaban leader.
[14:53] Zen
    His ninjutsu skills are top-notch.
[14:57] G
    Uh...
[15:00] G
    You'll now be taking the ninja course.
[15:06] G
    All right, you two.
[15:07] G
    First make sure it's safe,
    and then get on your ride.
[15:13] Ymz
    Excuse me, Sensei.
[15:15] Ymz
    I don't see anything safe about this!
[15:18] G
    Don't you want a license?
[15:19] G
    Hurry up and get on.
[15:21] Ymz
    I didn't come here to get a toad license!
[15:24] G
    What? Didn't you want a ninja
    light vehicle license?
[15:29] G
    Heavy vehicle, then?
[15:31] Ymz
    Not the Nine-Tails, either!
[15:33] G
    Oh, sorry.
[15:34] G
    It wasn't the Hokage course?
[15:36] G
    In that case, dodge the
    dumbbells and eat the chikuwa!
[15:39] Ymz
    Not Hattori-kun, either!
[15:43] G
    Er...
[15:45] G
    Let's start with training your legs.
[15:49] G
    Since time immemorial, ninjas have strived
    to achieve superhuman leg strength.
[15:54] G
    And this is one of the training
    methods they devised.
[15:58] G
    You plant an asagi seed
[16:01] G
    and jump over it every day.
[16:04] G
    Asagi grows quickly.
[16:06] G
    In a few months, it'll grow taller
    than the roofs of buildings.
[16:10] Ymz
    Oh, I've heard of this training.
[16:13] Ymz
    But since I opted for the genin license,
    I only get to take lessons for one day.
[16:17] G
    Don't worry.
[16:19] G
    Our Asagi grows even faster.
[16:22] G
    Right, Asagi?
[16:24] Ymz
    Isn't that just the hag from reception?!
[16:27] G
    Our Asagi grows at an incredible rate.
[16:30] G
    Despite being a genin,
[16:31] G
    her clerical efficiency helped
    her rise to the position
[16:34] G
    of Oniwaban's accountant in no time.
[16:36] G
    Isn't that right, Asagi?
[16:38] Ymz
    Okay, so she climbed the ladder to success
    real fast, but she's old and withered now!
[16:43] Ymz
    She's just a hag!
[16:45] Zen
    Gramps.
[16:46] Zen
    I don't think this is gonna work as training.
[16:48] Zen
    Jumping over her is too easy.
[16:50] G
    What are you talking about?
[16:52] G
    Asagi has a lot left in her yet!
[16:54] G
    Nobody can stop her!
[16:57] G
    Isn't that right, Asagi?
[17:01] G
    She's not anywhere close to being done.
[17:05] G
    In fact, she hasn't even begun.
[17:12] G
    Isn't that right, Asagi?
[17:14] Ymz
    This really is endless Asagi! What the hell?!
[17:17] G
    This is the clone technique.
[17:18] G
    It's the only way to gain superhuman
    leaping ability in one day.
[17:24] Ymz
    She grew so much, she's ultimately
    returned to the earth!
[17:31] Ymz
    The Asagis turned into dominoes!
[17:38] G
    Asagi!
[17:41] Zen
    Ninjas leap over walls because
    it requires the least effort.
[17:46] Zen
    But breaking through a wall that would
[17:48] Zen
    take too much effort to leap over
    is also a ninja technique.
[17:50] Ymz
    That just ruined the whole effect!
[17:53] W
    That's Zen-chan for you.
[17:55] W
    You incited my self-destruction and
    broke through the wall from the inside.
[18:00] W
    You truly are the boss's son.
[18:02] W
    Become a fine ninja...
[18:05] Ymz
    There isn't a single fine ninja in the place!
[18:09] G
    Well done, you two.
[18:11] G
    I never thought you'd take Asagi down.
[18:14] G
    Here's your reward!
[18:15] G
    I'll now throw Asagi and chikuwa at you!
[18:17] G
    Dodge the Asagi and eat the chikuwa!
[18:22] Ymz
    Pick up poor Asagi!
[18:25] G
    Let's move on to the next task.
[18:27] G
    You must now hide in this pond.
[18:29] Ymz
    Ah, the water-escape tactic, right?
[18:32] Ymz
    The one where you hide underwater
    and use a bamboo pole to breathe?
[18:35] G
    No.
[18:38] G
    You must hide underwater and
    use Asagi's hole to breathe.
[18:42] Ymz
    Why her hole?!
[18:44] G
    There's no guarantee you'll always
    have a bamboo pole in an emergency.
[18:47] G
    Isn't that right, Asagi?
[18:49] Ymz
    Always having an Asagi around
    would be even weirder!
[18:51] G
    It's basically the same
    as using a bamboo pole.
[18:54] G
    Asagi will put her head above
    the surface and take in oxygen.
[18:57] G
    You two must take that oxygen from her ass.
[19:00] Ymz
    That's not oxygen! It's poison gas!
[19:02] G
    You mustn't resurface until
    I call out to you, okay?
[19:06] G
    Begin!
[19:12] Ymz
    No way.
[19:13] Ymz
    Even if it'll get me a license,
[19:15] Ymz
    I'm not going mouth-to-mouth with that!
[19:20] Zen
    That so?
[19:22] Zen
    Then make do with my gas.
[19:31] Zen
    Through me...
[19:34] Zen
    And through you...
[19:45] Zen
    That's three people's worth!
[19:50] G
    Asagi!
[19:55] G
    Y-You stink!
[19:57] G
    Ew!
[19:59] Zen
    You just called out "you,"
    didn't you, Gramps?
[20:01] Ymz
    What kinda solution is that?!
[20:05] W
    I never thought you'd use that as a weapon.
[20:09] W
    Brilliant.
[20:10] W
    Become a fine ninja...
[20:13] Ymz
    You know, the key to that
    lethal weapon was your fart!
[20:18] G
    Well done. Here's your reward!
[20:20] G
    I'll now throw Asagi!
[20:22] G
    Stand there and watch!
[20:24] Ymz
    That's nothing but domestic violence!
[20:27] G
    I didn't expect you to be this good.
[20:29] G
    You have far too much talent
    to stay a mere genin.
[20:33] Ymz
    Um...
[20:34] Ymz
    All I did was fart, pretty much.
[20:36] G
    But here's your final task.
[20:39] G
    If you don't clear this, you
    won't get your genin license.
[20:43] G
    Ninjas must, at all times,
    believe in themselves alone.
[20:46] G
    No matter what their mission,
    they must be prepared to turn
[20:48] G
    their heart to stone in order
    to fulfill their objective.
[20:51] G
    Even if it were
[20:55] G
    a mission to kill their own master.
[21:00] Ymz
    D-Don't tell me...
[21:02] W
    Gramps, you...
[21:05] G
    That's right.
[21:06] G
    Your final task
[21:09] G
    is to kill Asagi—
[21:20] W
    Here's your final task.
[21:24] W
    I'll now throw Gramps, chikuwa,
    and a license at you.
[21:28] W
    Choose what you want and pick it up.
SIGN    Yamazaki Sagaru Birthday: 2/6 School: Iga
    Valid until 3/6 Eats a lot of anpan during stakeouts.
SIGN    Genin
SIGN    Ninja License
SIGN    Oedo Ninja Association
[21:32] Ymz
    Ask yourself.
[21:33] Ymz
    What was it that you wanted?
[21:38] Ymz
    Here we go!
SIGN    Special Service Award Yamazaki Sagaru
[21:43] G
    Hey, apparently Yamazaki earned
    some kind of distinction again!
[21:47] G
    Same old boring inspector
    work again, though, right?
[21:50] G
    Nah, I heard he rounded up a bunch
    of bad guys all on his own this time.
[21:54] G
    Huh?
[21:55] G
    What the...
[21:56] G
    What happened to him?
[21:59] G
    Yamazaki!
[22:00] G
    Congrats on a job well done!
    Give us the whole story.
[22:03] G
    How about joining us for a meal?
[22:08] Ymz
    I'm good.
SIGN    Ninja Hattari-san
[22:10] Ymz
    I've got chikuwa to eat.
SIGN    Arriving Late to a Reunion
    Makes it Hard to Enter
[23:45] Gin
    Next Episode: "Arriving Late to a
    Reunion Makes it Hard to Enter."
SIGN    Next week, we have a Joi rebels reunion,
SIGN    with an all-star cast making appearances!
SIGN    It's organized by...
SIGN    N-
SIGN    N-No way...

E271 - Arriving Late to a Reunion Makes it Hard to Enter

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Restaurant Ketsunoi
[01:31] W
    Welcome.
[01:35] W
    Your room is this way.
[01:39] Kat
    You're late, Gintoki!
[01:41] Kat
    If this were back during the Joi War,
[01:44] Kat
    our troops might've been left in disarray
[01:46] Kat
    and suffered massive losses because of you.
[01:51] Sak
    Don't be a stick in the mud!
[01:53] Sak
    You know Kintoki isn't the kind of man
    who'd let military rules bind him.
SIGN    Joi Rebels Reunion
[01:57] Sak
    Did you forget how uncooperative he
    was, always going off on his own,
[02:00] Sak
    running wild and launching
    surprise attacks and whatnot?
SIGN    Joi Rebels Reunion
[02:04] Kat
    I couldn't forget, even if I wanted to.
[02:06] Kat
    We were the ones who always had to
    clean up after his messes, after all.
[02:09] Sak
    That's right.
[02:12] Sak
    Takes you back, doesn't it?
[02:15] Kat
    Yeah, those were the days.
[02:17] Kat
    Thinking back, it was ten years ago...
SIGN    Arriving Late to a Reunion
    Makes it Hard to Enter
[02:20] Kat
    Wait a second!
[02:29] Kat
    Wait a second!
[02:31] Sak
    Why not take a trip down memory lane?
[02:34] Kat
    Don't you get it?
[02:35] Kat
    The three of us don't
    get together very often!
[02:38] Kat
    It's a rare case!
[02:39] Kat
    It's a reunion!
[02:40] Kat
    Shouldn't you be overcome with joy?
[02:42] Gin
    Like hell I'd feel any of that.
[02:45] Gin
    I've had enough of seeing your
    mugs in the openings and endings.
[02:48] Gin
    You show up every episode,
    even though you're irrelevant.
[02:51] Gin
    I'm sick of it.
[02:52] Gin
    Nobody needs any more merch of you morons.
[02:56] Sak
    You didn't have to say it like that!
[02:58] Sak
    I may show up in the OPs/EDs,
[02:59] Sak
    but I don't get any actual screen time at all!
[03:02] Sak
    I'm getting the "Hoshi Ittetsu
    flips the table" treatment,
[03:04] Sak
    which only happens a handful of
    times in the actual episodes!
[03:10] Gin
    I only came here 'cause you said there
    was something important to discuss.
[03:13] Gin
    I don't have time to waste on you two goofs.
[03:16] Sak
    Chill out, Kintoki.
[03:18] Sak
    Drink up.
[03:20] Gin
    I'm not Kintoki, damn it.
[03:22] Kat
    There is but one reason I called
    all us former comrades here.
[03:26] Kat
    The anime has successfully
    resumed a second time,
[03:28] Kat
    and it's been released on Blu-ray.
[03:31] Kat
    There couldn't be a more perfect time.
[03:33] Gin
    For what?
[03:35] Kat
    Isn't it high time
[03:37] Kat
    we started a flashback arc?
[03:40] Gin
    Is this a scenario meeting?!
[03:41] Kat
    Don't you think we need fresh
    developments now, more than ever?
[03:45] Gin
    Who are you to be worrying about that?!
[03:48] Kat
    You must know this, too.
[03:50] Kat
    Using flashback arcs to give Jump anime
    second winds is almost standard procedure.
[03:55] Kat
    Countless series in the past
[03:58] Kat
    have used flashback arcs as a trigger
[04:00] Kat
    to move on to even greater
    heights of popularity.
[04:04] Kat
    And when do we want that second wind?
[04:06] Sak
    W...
[04:07] Sak
    Was there a mosquito flying around just now?
[04:09] Gin
    Not "we want it now"?!
[04:11] Gin
    Also, that's old!
[04:13] Gin
    Who'd want to watch such an
    obviously calculated flashback arc?
[04:17] Gin
    First of all,
[04:18] Gin
    nobody cares about the past
    or future of you idiots.
[04:22] Gin
    You've always been idiots,
    and you always will be.
[04:25] Gin
    Besides, I hate looking back on the past.
[04:28] Gin
    Even in reunions...
[04:30] Kat
    And dude,
[04:32] Kat
    I'd always finish my lunch in
    the morning self-study period.
[04:35] Sak
    Oh, man, I remember that!
[04:37] Sak
    And then, during lunch break,
    we'd rob everyone of their side dishes!
[04:40] Kat
    We did the stupidest things back then!
[04:45] Gin
    The guys who didn't amount to much in life
[04:47] Gin
    are always the ones making the most
    noise reminiscing about the past.
[04:51] Gin
    Especially the delinquents!
[04:52] Sak
    Are you calling me loud?
[04:55] Sak
    Can you blame me?!
[04:57] Sak
    The past is the only time I ever get to appear!
[05:00] Kat
    Stop that, you two.
[05:03] Kat
    Gintoki, it's because you're always like that
[05:06] Kat
    that nothing about our past
    has been revealed yet.
[05:09] Kat
    Even if you don't care,
[05:11] Kat
    and even if the gorilla mangaka
    hasn't thought of anything,
[05:15] Kat
    we will enter a flashback arc today.
[05:17] Kat
    No, we have to.
[05:25] Gin
    "It's been a while.
[05:26] Gin
    Are you doing well?
[05:28] Gin
    Actually, I'm in Edo right now.
[05:31] Gin
    If you'd like, why don't we
    get the gang back together
[05:34] Gin
    for a drink or two?"
[05:37] Kat
    To tell you the truth, we weren't the ones
[05:40] Kat
    who arranged this mini-reunion of Joi rebels.
[05:43] Kat
    Our former comrade, the one who
    sent that letter, is the organizer.
[05:49] Gin
    Who is this?
[05:50] Gin
    I don't remember.
[05:52] Kat
    So you don't remember him, either.
[06:00] Kat
    In the Joi war,
[06:02] Kat
    an era when every man
    fought for his country,
[06:05] Kat
    when every man was a hero,
[06:09] Kat
    the ones who survived
    through sheer devil's luck
[06:11] Kat
    and left their names in
    the history books were...
[06:17] Kat
    The White Yaksha, Sakata Gintoki.
SIGN    The White Yaksha
SIGN    Sakata Gintoki
[06:22] Kat
    The Rampaging Noble, Katsura Kotaro.
SIGN    The Rampaging Noble
SIGN    Katsura Kotaro
[06:28] Kat
    The Kiheitai Commander, Takasugi Shinsuke.
SIGN    The Kiheitai Commander
SIGN    Takasugi Shinsuke
[06:35] Kat
    The Loud Fellow, Sakamoto Tatsuma.
SIGN    The Loud Fellow
SIGN    Sakamoto Tatsuma
[06:38] Sak
    That's weird!
[06:39] Sak
    One of those is not like the others!
[06:42] Sak
    These four men would later
[06:45] Sak
    come to be known as the
    "Generation of Miracles."
[06:48] Gin
    I don't remember ever being called that!
[06:51] Kat
    However, it was only by luck that our
    names were recorded in history.
[06:56] Kat
    In truth,
[06:58] Kat
    there was another hero.
[07:00] Kat
    In our shadows was a man who fought
    to keep the battle in our favor,
[07:05] Kat
    a key figure who assisted
    us from behind the scenes.
[07:10] Kat
    A nameless hero unbeknownst to all.
[07:16] Kat
    And indeed, the organizer of this reunion:
SIGN    Kurokono Tasuke
SIGN    The Phantom Fifth Man
[07:22] Kat
    The Phantom Fifth Man, Kurokono Tasuke.
SIGN    Kurokono Tasuke
[07:26] Gin
    Hold it right there!
[07:28] Gin
    I've never heard of that guy!
[07:30] Gin
    Actually, I have, but in another anime!
[07:33] Kat
    I see.
[07:34] Kat
    Kurokono Tasuke is a man of legendary status.
[07:37] Kat
    It wouldn't surprise me if someone
    made an anime ripping him off.
SIGN    Kurokono Tasuke
[07:40] Gin
    We're the ones doing the ripping off!
[07:42] Sak
    Actually, I'm the same as you.
    I can't even remember his face.
[07:46] Sak
    After all, he was a man who worked
    exclusively behind the scenes.
[07:49] Sak
    I retain no impression of
    the kind of man he was
[07:52] Sak
    or the kind of stuff he did.
[07:53] Sak
    What a guy.
[07:55] Gin
    What part of that makes him a hero?!
[07:56] Gin
    If anything, his lack of
    presence is what's heroic!
[07:59] Sak
    But considering he called us to a reunion,
[08:02] Sak
    we'd better remember something about
    him or things will get awkward.
[08:05] Sak
    As such,
[08:06] Sak
    let's plunge into a flashback arc before
    he shows up and see if we recall anything.
SIGN    Joi Rebels Reunion
[08:11] Gin
    We're entering a flashback just so we have
    something to talk about at this reunion?!
[08:14] Gin
    What kind of setup is that?!
[08:15] Gin
    Did this guy even exist in the first place?!
[08:18] Kat
    He did.
[08:19] Kat
    Kurokono certainly did stand on
    the same battlefield as we did.
[08:24] Kat
    He was a master of assists.
[08:27] Kat
    Given the way he worked,
[08:28] Kat
    if we think back to incidents where
    we got help at the perfect time,
[08:33] Kat
    we should be able to remember.
[08:37] Kat
    Oh?
[08:38] Kat
    Something's coming to me!
[08:39] Kat
    I'm starting to remember...
[08:41] Sak
    Really, Zura?
[08:43] Kat
    I believe that was...
[08:46] Kat
    Right, it was at the height of the Joi War.
[08:53] Kat
    During a match with the powerhouse Joi High,
    with the Inter-High victory at stake.
[08:57] Gin
    No way that's right!
[08:59] Gin
    Why were you playing basketball?!
[09:01] Kat
    I wasn't.
[09:03] Kat
    Back then, I'd ignored the coach's
    repeated orders to cut my long hair,
[09:08] Kat
    and had been benched as punishment.
[09:10] Gin
    That wasn't my point!
[09:12] Gin
    I'm asking you when you had
    the time to play basketball!
[09:15] Kat
    Long-haired and powerless, all I could do was
[09:18] Kat
    cheer my teammates on from the sidelines.
[09:20] Gin
    Just cut your damn hair!
[09:21] Gin
    Actually, go fight in the war!
[09:24] Kat
    I was so powerless, I chilled my
    Pokari to the point that it froze,
[09:29] Kat
    leaving me unable to even quench my thirst.
[09:32] Gin
    For a benchwarmer, why were you so
    enthusiastic about chilling your Pokari?!
[09:35] Gin
    Thought you were on a picnic?!
[09:36] Kat
    With my throat parched and
    my body and soul worn out,
[09:40] Kat
    I thought I was done for.
[09:43] Kat
    But that's when...
[09:47] (Flashback) Kur
    Want some?
[09:51] Kat
    The man who, by a misdirection,
[09:52] Kat
    to assist me with a Pokari perfectly
    chilled to a sherbet state...
[09:59] Kat
    was Kurokono Tasuke.
[10:01] Gin
    You call that an assist?!
[10:03] Gin
    I'm willing to overlook the basketball,
[10:05] Gin
    but at least make him
    assist you on the court!
[10:07] Kat
    That Pokari tasted especially divine.
[10:10] Gin
    All you did was drink Pokari on the bench!
[10:13] Gin
    You call that a flashback arc?!
[10:15] Kat
    No, it wasn't just the Pokari.
[10:17] Kat
    Like I said, he was a master of assists.
[10:19] Kat
    I remember him being louder
    than others while cheering, too.
[10:22] Sak
    Louder?
[10:26] (Flashback) Sak
    Rebound!
[10:27] (Flashback) Sak
    Nice shot!
[10:29] Sak
    Zura, that was me.
[10:31] Kat
    Huh? Is that so?
[10:33] Gin
    Why were you in the basketball game, too?!
[10:35] Sak
    Oh, that wasn't during the Joi War.
[10:39] Sak
    The war had ended and
    people were feeling down,
[10:42] Sak
    so we decided to play basketball
    for a change of pace.
[10:44] Gin
    You guys were doing stupid crap like
    that when everything was in tatters?!
[10:49] Sak
    That aside, I'm pretty sure Kurokono...
[10:51] Kat
    Did you remember something?
[10:54] Sak
    Right.
[10:55] Sak
    It was at the height of the Joi War.
SIGN    In Use
[11:02] Sak
    Back then, I was desperately trying to
    remove the aliens from the interior ministry.
[11:09] Gin
    What kind of Joi War is that?!
[11:13] Sak
    I was young and stupid.
[11:15] Sak
    I hadn't realized
[11:18] Sak
    that starting wars was easy, but
    cleaning up the mess was much harder.
[11:22] Gin
    Hey!
[11:23] Gin
    Why are you making such a big deal
    over the lack of toilet paper?!
[11:26] Sak
    I'd mouthed off about rebuilding the
    country, but I lacked the means to do so.
[11:31] Sak
    My foolishness had left me in
    despair, but that's when...
[11:35] Sak
    I saw it.
[11:41] Sak
    It felt like everything had been washed anew.
[11:44] Gin
    Pokari again?!
[11:45] Gin
    You've been talking about nothing
    but Pokari the entire time!
[11:48] Gin
    Don't tell me you used that to wash!
[11:49] Gin
    You used Pokari?!
[11:51] Sak
    Oh, that's right.
[11:52] Sak
    While I was in the bathroom,
[11:56] Sak
    I passed by a man.
[11:58] Sak
    That must've been...
[12:00] Gin
    It's just Zura from before!
[12:03] Sak
    Oh, so that Pokari really was yours?
[12:06] Kat
    Yeah.
[12:07] Kat
    I'd drunk too much chilled
    Pokari and upset my stomach.
[12:11] Sak
    Ah. That's one mystery solved.
[12:14] Gin
    What happened to Kurokono?!
[12:16] Gin
    Forget about basketball and Pokari!
[12:17] Gin
    Don't you have any memories of
    being saved on the battlefield?!
[12:20] Kat
    On the battlefield?
[12:22] Kat
    Oh, there was that one time!
[12:25] Kat
    Don't you remember it, too?
[12:27] Kat
    The rearguard battle on Mt. Eiroku!
[12:32] Kat
    As our forces numbering less than 300 took
    on the Bakufu army a thousand strong,
[12:36] Kat
    we received information that 3,000
    Amanto were marching toward our rear.
[12:40] Kat
    We were left with no option but to retreat,
[12:43] Kat
    and the unit Gintoki and I were in
[12:44] Kat
    was chosen as the rearguard
    to let the rest of us escape.
[12:49] Kat
    When we took up that responsibility,
    we were prepared to die.
[12:55] Kat
    I don't remember what happened
    after that very clearly.
[12:58] Kat
    I just cut down the enemies in
    front of me as I ran and ran.
[13:03] Kat
    Next thing I knew, I lay collapsed
    in the middle of the forest.
[13:08] Kat
    Having a parched throat felt strange.
[13:12] Kat
    Knowing I was breathing felt strange.
[13:17] Kat
    Shedding tears from my eyes felt strange.
[13:22] Kat
    But now I understand.
[13:25] Kat
    I was simply happy.
[13:28] Kat
    Happy that I'd managed to
    survive with my friend.
[13:33] Kat
    And that
[13:35] Kat
    Pokari was being sold there.
[13:37] Gin
    Where did the Pokari come from?!
[13:39] Gin
    Why is there a Pokari vending
    machine on the battlefield?!
[13:41] Gin
    Did that really happen?!
SIGN    Chilled
[13:45] Gin
    "Damn, what a ripoff,"
[13:48] Kat
    muttered Gintoki.
[13:49] Gin
    Muttered, my ass!
[13:52] Gin
    "I only have 4,000 yen,"
[13:53] Kat
    muttered Gintoki.
[13:55] Gin
    This is no time to be buying Pokari!
[13:56] Gin
    Run away!
[13:58] Kat
    "I have 10,000. I'll get two
    bottles, so gimme that 4,000.
[14:03] Kat
    You can pay me back the 500 yen later,"
[14:06] Kat
    I muttered.
[14:08] Gin
    "But I paid for Yakulk the other day.
[14:11] Gin
    So 4,000 yen should be enough,"
[14:13] Kat
    muttered Gintoki.
[14:16] Kat
    "But Yakulk is 540 yen for a five-pack,
    and I only got one of those.
[14:20] Kat
    540 divided by 5 is 108 yen, and
    4,500 minus 108 is 4,392 yen, right?"
[14:26] Kat
    I muttered.
[14:28] Gin
    "Does that include tax?"
[14:30] Kat
    muttered Gintoki.
[14:31] Gin
    Enough already! This is taking too long!
[14:34] Kat
    We decided that I'd pay there and Gintoki
    would pay me 4,300 yen once we got back,
[14:41] Kat
    but my condition took a turn for
    the worse once we got back to camp.
[14:45] Gin
    You're still going?!
[14:45] Gin
    How long is this story?!
[14:47] Kat
    With my consciousness gradually fading,
    I saw the faces of the men I'd protected.
[14:52] Gin
    Oh, so he'll show up now, right?
[14:54] Gin
    Kurokono Tasuke's finally
    gonna show up, right?!
[14:56] Kat
    I searched for the words to say to them,
[15:00] Kat
    but all I could manage was...
[15:04] (Flashback) Kat
    Gintoki made me pay him 108 yen
    for a Yakulk the other day.
[15:07] (Flashback) Kat
    Did he make you guys pay, too? It wouldn't be
    fair if I was the only one who had to pay.
[15:11] Gin
    Enough about that already!
[15:14] (Flashback) Sak
    What?
[15:15] (Flashback) Sak
    He took 540 yen from me.
    Did I only owe 108 yen?
[15:18] Gin
    What the hell are you talking
    about in the middle of a war?!
[15:20] Gin
    What's going on?!
[15:22] (Flashback) Kat
    You were ripped off, Sakamoto!
[15:25] (Flashback) Kat
    Damn Gintoki.
[15:26] (Flashback) Kat
    He said he was treating us, but he
    intended to rip us off all along!
[15:29] Gin
    I have no idea what you're talking about!
[15:30] Gin
    I don't remember that at all!
[15:36] (Flashback) Bo
    You...
[15:37] Gin
    Oh, I see.
[15:38] Gin
    So the one who cleared my
    good name was Kurokono...
[15:41] (Flashback) Tak
    As if he'd ever do something like that.
[15:45] (Flashback) Tak
    I was the one who treated you to Yakulk.
[15:48] (Flashback) Tak
    He didn't pay for anything.
[15:49] Gin
    It was you?!
[15:52] Kat
    There you have it.
[15:54] Kat
    Gimme back my 4,500 yen.
[15:56] Sak
    Gimme back my 540 yen.
[15:58] Gin
    This is the ending you arrived at?!
[16:00] Gin
    What about Kurokono?!
[16:01] Bo
    Just pay us back already!
[16:03] Gin
    Screw you!
[16:04] Gin
    I told you, I don't remember this!
[16:06] Gin
    As if he would treat anyone to Yakulk, anyway!
[16:09] Gin
    I'm done with this shitty reunion!
[16:12] W
    Excuse me, sirs.
[16:14] W
    Your friend has arrived.
[16:17] All
    H-He's here!
[16:20] Gin
    We haven't remembered a thing,
[16:22] Gin
    but Kurokono showed up
    at the reunion already!
[16:25] Gin
    I-I just remembered I had something to do.
[16:28] Gin
    I'll be back later.
[16:30] Sak
    Where do you think you're going, Kintoki?
[16:32] Kat
    We're not letting you get away!
[16:34] Kat
    The Pokari money...
[16:35] Sak
    The Yakulk money...
[16:36] Kat
    Gimme back my 4,500 yen!
[16:36] Sak
    Gimme back my 540 yen!
[16:38] Gin
    That's what you're worried about?!
[16:39] Gin
    Who cares about that right now?!
[16:41] Gin
    Kurokono's almost here!
[16:43] Gin
    A really awkward reunion's about to begin!
[16:46] Kat
    We're not falling for that.
[16:48] Sak
    This has gone on for ten years.
    We're settling the score right now.
[16:51] Gin
    What kind of pathetic lives have you
    guys led for the past ten years?!
[16:58] Tak
    Talk about a rowdy reunion.
[17:03] Tak
    Relax.
[17:05] Tak
    Kurokono's not here yet.
[17:08] Tak
    For this reunion to begin,
[17:11] Tak
    and for you to welcome the phantom fifth man,
[17:15] Tak
    don't you think you're one member short?
[17:17] Gin
    Y-You're...
[17:21] Kat
    It can't be!
[17:22] Tak
    That's right.
[17:24] Tak
    I'll simply destroy
[17:28] Hen
    this awkward reunion.
[17:34] Hen
    Time out! I was kidding!
[17:36] Hen
    It's just a reunion joke!
[17:40] Hen
    Spare my shins, 'kay?
[17:43] Gin
    We stake our lives on our jokes, too.
[17:46] Gin
    Are you sure?
[17:47] Gin
    Are you okay with that being
    the last joke you ever tell?
[17:49] Kat
    Wait.
[17:50] Kat
    If memory serves, you're Takasugi's...
[17:54] Kat
    No, just a random lolicon—
[17:55] Hen
    I'm not a lolicon. I'm a feminist.
[17:59] Hen
    Actually, no.
[18:01] Hen
    I'm the Kiheitai's strategist,
    Takechi Henpeita.
[18:05] Gin
    Kihentai?! Did Takasugi
    send you to spy on us?!
[18:08] Hen
    I'm not a pervert. I'm a feminist.
[18:11] Hen
    Please wait.
[18:12] Hen
    While it's true that you and
    Shinsuke-dono are currently enemies,
[18:16] Hen
    our general is not boorish enough
    to ruin a gathering of his
[18:21] Hen
    former comrades over a personal grudge.
[18:25] Hen
    I'm merely here to relay a message from him.
[18:29] Gin
    Don't tell me he got invited
    to the reunion, too.
[18:32] Gin
    Nobody would talk to him even if he came!
[18:34] Gin
    He'd spend all night on his
    phone, and that'd be that!
[18:37] Hen
    He deeply regrets not being able to attend.
[18:41] Hen
    After all,
[18:43] Hen
    Shinsuke-dono and Kurokono-dono
    were so close,
[18:47] Hen
    it wouldn't be an exaggeration
    to call them best friends.
[18:50] Gin
    R-Really?
[18:51] Gin
    He had a best friend?
[18:54] Hen
    Knowing you all, he figured you
    wouldn't remember anything,
[18:58] Hen
    so he entrusted me with a letter.
[19:01] Gin
    A letter?
[19:02] Sak
    From him?
[19:03] Kat
    To us?
[19:05] Hen
    He hopes that it'll help jog
    your memories at least a little.
[19:10] Gin
    F-For real?
[19:11] Gin
    So he remembers Kurokono?
SIGN    The Yakulk at this reunion's on me, too. Drink with Shirako all you want.
[19:16] Tak
    The Yakulk at this reunion's on me, too.
[19:19] Tak
    Drink with Shirako all you want.
[19:21] Gin
    Who the hell is Shirako?
[19:22] Gin
    He got his best friend's name all wrong!
[19:25] Gin
    Also, is he still holding a
    grudge over the Yakulk thing?
[19:27] Gin
    Did he really write this?!
[19:31] Hen
    Oops.
[19:31] Hen
    Sorry, wrong letter.
[19:34] Gin
    I knew it!
[19:35] Gin
    Takasugi would never write
    something like that!
[19:37] Hen
    If I recall correctly,
[19:39] Hen
    he couldn't attend the
    Kiheitai's New Year's bash,
[19:43] Hen
    so he sent this letter along with
    tons of Yakulk and shirako roe.
[19:46] Gin
    So it was Takasugi?!
[19:47] Gin
    Even there, he's buying people Yakulk?!
[19:49] Gin
    He's become a Yakulk character with that face?!
[19:51] Gin
    No way!
[19:53] Hen
    My apologies.
[19:55] Hen
    There's indeed no way Shinsuke-dono
    would write something like this.
[19:58] Hen
    This is the actual letter.
SIGN    There's Yakulk in the fridge. Please save one for me.
[20:00] Tak
    There's Yakulk in the fridge.
[20:03] Tak
    Please save one for me.
[20:06] Gin
    Nothing's changed!
[20:08] Gin
    Forget Kurokono, he's talking
    about nothing but Yakulk now!
[20:12] Gin
    This is a joke, right?
[20:12] Gin
    Tell me it's all a joke, Barney!
[20:15] Hen
    Oops. Wrong letter.
[20:16] Hen
    I think this is the note he left the Kiheitai
[20:19] Hen
    when he had to travel
    for a few days recently.
[20:21] Gin
    Deny that Takasugi wrote this!
[20:23] Gin
    You okay with this? You're okay with
    this guy being your general?
[20:26] Hen
    My apologies. This one really
    is the actual letter.
SIGN    Rest in peace, my comrade
[20:32] Tak
    Rest in peace, my comrade.
[20:39] Hen
    I shall take my leave now, then.
[20:44] Gin
    I-I have no idea what
    this is supposed to mean!
[20:48] Gin
    Pokari and
[20:50] Gin
    "rest in peace"?
[20:52] Gin
    What does it mean?!
[20:54] Gin
    All he's done is make
    things more complicated!
[20:57] Gin
    Would he give it a rest with his
    pretentious bullshit already?!
[21:01] Sak
    Wait, Kintoki.
[21:05] Sak
    This Pokari...
[21:08] Sak
    I... I see.
[21:10] Sak
    Whenever Zura and I tried
    to remember Kurokono,
[21:15] Sak
    we kept getting distracted by Pokari, but...
[21:19] Kat
    We weren't on the wrong track!
[21:22] Kat
    Our past with Kurokono really was linked...
[21:27] Bo
    ...to this Pokari.
[21:29] Gin
    What're you talking about?
[21:32] Gin
    Don't tell me, you remembered everything?
[21:35] Gin
    Thanks to this Pokari?
[21:37] Gin
    You've gotta be kidding me.
[21:38] Gin
    How could this...
SIGN    Preview
[23:35] Kat
    Next week, the game with Joi High
    finally reaches its conclusion!
[23:38] Gin
    Die.
[23:39] Kat
    Takasugi's Emperor Eye activates!
[23:41] Gin
    Drop dead!
[23:42] Sak
    Wasn't it Emperor's Sty?
[23:43] Gin
    Shut it!
SIGN    A Reunion Also Brings to the Surface
     Things You Don't Want to Remember
[23:44] Gin
    Next Episode:
[23:45] Gin
    "A Reunion Also Brings to the Surface
    Things You Don't Want to Remember."
SIGN    Next episode, the Generation of Miracles'
SIGN    past is revealed, and...
SIGN    Having taken his sweet time,
SIGN    Kurokono Tasuke arrives!

E272 - A Reunion Also Brings to the Surface Things You Don't Want to Remember

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Joi Rebels Reunion
[00:00] Kat
    There is but one reason I called
    all us former comrades here.
SIGN    The White Yaksha
SIGN    Sakata Gintoki
[00:04] Kat
    Isn't it high time
SIGN    The Rampaging Noble
SIGN    Katsura Kotaro
[00:06] Kat
    we started a flashback arc?
SIGN    The Kiheitai Commander
SIGN    Takasugi Shinsuke
SIGN    The Loud Fellow
SIGN    Sakamoto Tatsuma
[00:09] Gin
    Who is this?
SIGN    Kurokono Tasuke
[00:11] Kat
    The Phantom Fifth Man, Kurokono Tasuke.
SIGN    The Phantom Fifth Man
SIGN    Kurokono Tasuke
[00:14] Gin
    Hold it right there!
[00:17] Kat
    So you don't remember him, either.
[00:20] Sak
    Considering he called us to a reunion,
[00:21] Sak
    we'd better remember something about
    him or things will get awkward.
[00:25] Kat
    I'm starting to remember...
SIGN    Chilled
[00:27] (Flashback) Kat
    Damn Gintoki.
[00:28] (Flashback) Kat
    He said he was treating us, but he
    intended to rip us off all along!
[00:32] (Flashback) Tak
    I was the one who treated you to Yakulk.
[00:34] Gin
    This is the ending you arrived at?!
[00:37] Hen
    I'm merely here to relay a message from him.
SIGN    Rest in peace, my comrade.
[00:42] Tak
    Rest in peace, my comrade.
SIGN    A Reunion Also Brings to the Surface
    Things You Don't Want to Remember
SIGN    Watch the Joi Rebels Flashback Arc
    in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV!
[02:29] (Flashback) Kat
    Thanks for keeping watch.
[02:34] (Flashback) Gin
    Oh, it's you, Zura.
[02:35] (Flashback) Kat
    I'm not Zura. I'm Katsura.
[02:39] (Flashback) Kat
    How's the Bakufu army looking?
[02:43] (Flashback) Gin
    After the beating we gave them,
[02:47] (Flashback) Gin
    they'll have to stay put for a few days.
[02:50] (Flashback) Gin
    Mind if I say, "Now is the
    time for an all-out attack"?
[02:53] (Flashback) Kat
    Don't be stupid.
[02:55] (Flashback) Kat
    They're not the only ones who have to stay put.
[02:57] (Flashback) Kat
    The only lively idiots in this situation
[02:59] (Flashback) Kat
    are you and Takasugi, pretty much.
[03:02] (Flashback) Kat
    Reinforcements will arrive in two days.
[03:05] (Flashback) Kat
    Until then, keep your blade sheathed.
[03:08] (Flashback) Kat
    If you can't wait that long, you two
    peas in a pod may as well duke it out.
[03:12] (Flashback) Gin
    You gotta be kidding me.
[03:14] (Flashback) Gin
    Even if I want to pick a fight with him,
[03:15] (Flashback) Gin
    we haven't been speaking for a month.
[03:17] (Flashback) Kat
    Oh, so you already duked it out.
[03:21] (Flashback) Sak
    You guys are always fighting, huh?
[03:24] (Flashback) Sak
    Aren't you from the same school?
[03:26] (Flashback) Sak
    I guess it's true that the closer
    you are, the more you fight.
[03:29] (Flashback) Gin
    Are you all right now?
[03:32] (Flashback) Gin
    You should get some more rest.
[03:34] (Flashback) Gin
    I heard you lost all sense of tact.
[03:37] (Flashback) Sak
    Worry not.
[03:39] (Flashback) Sak
    I lost that a long time ago,
    along with my umbilical cord.
[03:45] (Flashback) Gin
    If you understand, could
    you keep your mouth shut?
[03:48] (Flashback) Gin
    Not everyone shares your "all men
    are eskmo brothers" motto.
[03:53] (Flashback) Gin
    It's complicated.
[03:55] (Flashback) Sak
    Eskmo brothers? You've got a point there.
[03:58] (Flashback) Sak
    When we all went to a red-light
    district a while back,
[04:02] (Flashback) Sak
    you and Takasugi chose the
    same girl, didn't you?
[04:09] (Flashback) Sak
    If I recall, she said she preferred him,
    so a fight broke out.
[04:13] (Flashback) Sak
    Don't tell me you've been fighting ever since.
[04:19] (Flashback) Gin
    That was close.
[04:21] (Flashback) Gin
    A stray bullet almost hit you.
[04:24] (Flashback) Gin
    You should be more careful.
[04:27] (Flashback) Sak
    Oh, but she said later that
    Takasugi was no fun at all.
[04:33] (Flashback) Sak
    Apparently he was a total bore, saying nothing
[04:36] (Flashback) Sak
    and just glaring at her the entire time.
[04:42] (Flashback) Tak
    I bought you some Yakulk.
[04:45] (Flashback) Tak
    Shut up and drink it.
[04:51] (Flashback) Sak
    Zura, this ain't good.
[04:53] (Flashback) Sak
    The war's been stuck in a stalemate so long,
[04:55] (Flashback) Sak
    people are ready to explode
    from all the stress.
[04:58] (Flashback) Kat
    You're the one who set them off!
[05:00] (Flashback) Sak
    If we don't provide them a distraction,
[05:03] (Flashback) Sak
    they'll start fighting among themselves.
[05:09] (Flashback) Sak
    All right!
[05:10] (Flashback) Sak
    How about we visit a red-light district?
[05:11] (Flashback) Kat
    Where are you gonna find
    one up in these mountains?
[05:14] (Flashback) Sak
    Maybe visit Lady Satsuki, then?
[05:17] (Flashback) Kat
    Not Lady Satsuki!
[05:18] (Flashback) Kat
    Anyone but her!
[05:19] (Flashback) Sak
    What's this, Zura?
[05:20] (Flashback) Sak
    Did you make a move on her already?
[05:22] (Flashback) Kat
    No!
[05:24] (Flashback) Kat
    All I did was stick around and pay attention
    to her backstory because she's a widow!
[05:27] (Flashback) Sak
    You paid to stick it in her backside?
    What's that all about?
[05:30] (Flashback) Kat
    What is wrong with your ears?!
[05:32] (Flashback) Kat
    You're the one who wants to do that!
[05:32] (Flashback) Sak
    You're the one I don't understand!
[05:33] (Flashback) Kuro
    Excuse me, everyone.
[05:35] (Flashback) Kuro
    How about we play kick-the-can
    for a change of pace?
[05:43] Gin
    Back then,
[05:45] Gin
    who was it that suggested
    we play kick-the-can, again?
[05:50] (Flashback) Kat
    Kick-the-can?
[05:52] (Flashback) Kat
    Are you stupid?
[05:54] (Flashback) Kat
    Stalemate or not, we're
    still in the middle of a war.
[05:57] (Flashback) Kat
    You guys say something to him, too.
[05:59] (Flashback) Gin
    Runts like you have it good at times like these.
[06:01] (Flashback) Gin
    I bet you could hide in that empty can.
[06:05] (Flashback) Gin
    It's basically a pull-top, anyway.
[06:07] (Flashback) Tak
    Making up excuses for your
    inevitable defeat, are we?
[06:10] (Flashback) Tak
    Wasn't covert ops your specialty?
[06:14] (Flashback) Tak
    Of course, the Kiheitai could pull off
[06:16] (Flashback) Tak
    an operation like that with one
    arm tied behind our backs!
[06:19] (Flashback) Gin
    You're on!
[06:20] (Flashback) Gin
    Let's see who can kick the can first!
[06:22] (Flashback) Kat
    Extra motivated?! They're more
    up for this than the war!
[06:25] (Flashback) Kuro
    You two should hurry up and hide, too.
[06:28] (Flashback) Kuro
    I'll be the demon.
[06:32] Gin
    Back then,
[06:33] Gin
    who took up the role of demon...
[06:36] (Flashback) Kuro
    One...
[06:38] (Flashback) Kuro
    Two...
[06:40] Gin
    ...and counted to 100
    inside the temple, again?
[06:41] (Flashback) Kuro
    Three...
[06:43] (Flashback) Kuro
    Four...
[06:45] (Flashback) Kat
    Sheesh.
[06:46] (Flashback) ---
    Five...
[06:46] (Flashback) Kat
    What's wrong with those guys?
    This is no time to be fooling around.
[06:48] (Flashback) ---
    Six...
[06:49] (Flashback) Sak
    You seem totally up for it, too, though.
[06:51] (Flashback) ---
    Seven...
[06:52] (Flashback) Sak
    Nothing wrong with taking a breather
    like this once in a while.
[06:54] (Flashback) ---
    Eight...
[06:57] (Flashback) ---
    Nine...
[06:57] (Flashback) Kat
    What are those injured soldiers
    doing in front of the gate?
[06:59] (Flashback) ---
    Ten...
[07:01] (Flashback) Sak
    Guarding it, obviously.
[07:02] (Flashback) Kat
    No, there's something off about them.
[07:02] (Flashback) ---
    Eleven...
[07:04] (Flashback) Kat
    Which squad are they from?
[07:05] (Flashback) ---
    Twelve...
[07:07] (Flashback) Kat
    No way!
[07:08] (Flashback) ---
    Thirteen...
[07:08] (Flashback) Kat
    They're enemy spies!
[07:11] (Flashback) G
    Take 'em out in one fell swoop!
[07:13] (Flashback) G
    Don't let a single rebel escape!
[07:19] (Flashback) Kuro
    Sixty-six...
[07:20] (Flashback) G
    Huh? Where are the enemy troops?
[07:22] (Flashback) Kuro
    Sixty-seven...
[07:23] (Flashback) Gin
    Oh, no, you won't...
[07:24] (Flashback) Tak
    ...find them here.
[07:25] (Flashback) Kuro
    Sixty-eight...
[07:27] (Flashback) Gin
    You wanna launch a surprise attack on us?
[07:28] (Flashback) Kuro
    Sixty-nine...
[07:29] (Flashback) Tak
    Come back in a hundred years.
[07:31] (Flashback) Kuro
    Seventy...
[07:33] (Flashback) Kuro
    Seventy-one...
[07:37] (Flashback) G
    I-Impossible!
[07:38] (Flashback) G
    They used their own camp as bait!
[07:42] (Flashback) Kat
    Gintoki! Takasugi!
[07:44] (Flashback) Gin
    We let all our comrades
    escape out the back gate.
[07:47] (Flashback) Kat
    Don't tell me you guys
[07:48] (Flashback) Kat
    deliberately gave them an opening
    in order to expose the spies...
[07:52] (Flashback) Tak
    Zura, now's the time for an all-out attack.
[07:55] (Flashback) Gin
    You're not gonna tell us to
    stay put this time, right?
[08:00] (Flashback) Kat
    Right.
[08:01] (Flashback) Kat
    Go give 'em hell!
[08:04] (Flashback) Sak
    Hang on!
[08:06] (Flashback) Sak
    Weren't we in the middle of something?
[08:08] (Flashback) Gin
    Later! Save it for later!
[08:13] Sak
    Back then...
[08:15] Kat
    ...who was counting to a
    hundred in the temple...
[08:18] Gin
    ...when it exploded?
[08:21] Kat
    We hadn't forgotten at all.
[08:24] Kat
    We'd just sealed the past, and that memory,
[08:28] Kat
    in the depths of our minds
    so we wouldn't remember it.
[08:33] Kat
    Yes, that cursed past where we were
    playing a game of kick-the-can
[08:38] Kat
    and killed our comrade,
    Kurokono Tasuke, with a bomb.
[08:44] Gin
    S-So Kurokono Tasuke is long dead?
[08:49] Gin
    Due to his lack of presence,
[08:52] Gin
    we forgot we were playing
    kick-the-can with him
[08:56] Gin
    and killed him with our
    own hands a long time ago?
[08:59] Kat
    There's no doubt about it.
SIGN    Rest in peace, my comrade.
[09:01] Kat
    That must be why Takasugi sent this.
[09:04] Kat
    He probably mistook the reunion
    for a meeting to grieve Kurokono.
[09:10] Gin
    N-No, no, no, no, no...
[09:11] Gin
    No way.
[09:13] Gin
    Then in that case...
SIGN    It's been a while. Are you doing well? Actually, I'm in Edo right now. If you'd like, why don't we get the gang back together for a drink or two? -Kurokono Tasuke
[09:15] Gin
    Who sent us that letter?
SIGN    Joi Rebels Reunion
[09:19] Gin
    Who organized this reunion?
    Who called us here?
[09:27] Sak
    Maybe Kurokono's still playing kick-the-can.
[09:34] Gin
    Wh-What does that mean?
[09:36] Kat
    He may still be looking.
[09:40] Kat
    Without realizing that he died,
[09:43] Kat
    even after becoming a literal demon...
[09:47] Sak
    He may still be trying to...
[09:52] Sak
    Yeah, as if!
[09:56] Kat
    There's no way we'd blow up one of our comrades!
[10:00] Kat
    We've just got the wrong idea!
[10:02] Sak
    He must've escaped right
    before the explosion, right?
[10:06] Sak
    Not that I remember.
[10:08] Kat
    Yeah, that's right.
[10:09] Kat
    There's no way he'd die that easily.
[10:12] Kat
    Not that I remember.
[10:14] Sak
    Yeah. This is the phantom fifth man,
    Kurokono Tasuke, we're talking about.
[10:18] Sak
    Not that I remember.
[10:20] Sak
    Anyway, aren't you glad we remembered
    at least a little about him?
[10:24] Sak
    Now we can get through the initial
    reunion by chatting about the explosion.
[10:28] Sak
    Like, "That explosion was
    incredible, huh?" or something.
[10:31] Kat
    Indeed.
[10:31] Kat
    And we can get through the after-party
    by talking about how the
[10:33] Kat
    smoke from the explosion was amazing.
[10:35] Kat
    All right. I'm gonna visit the
    restroom before he gets here.
[10:40] Sak
    What's the matter, Kintoki?
[10:41] Sak
    You look pale.
[10:43] Gin
    Nothing, it's just...
[10:45] Gin
    Maybe I had too much to drink.
[10:46] Sak
    Listen to yourself!
[10:49] Sak
    You haven't had enough!
[10:50] Gin
    I'm just overthinking things.
SIGN    Restaurant Ketsunoi
[10:52] Gin
    Are you saying he called us here
    so he could drag us to hell?
SIGN    Joi Rebels Reunion
[10:59] Gin
    A-A ghost organizing a reunion?
[11:02] Gin
    That's not a horror story,
    that's a comedy skit.
[11:06] Gin
    It's all good.
[11:07] Gin
    He'll get here.
[11:09] Gin
    Not as a ghost,
[11:11] Gin
    but on his own two feet.
[11:15] Kat
    What's an empty can doing here?
[11:22] Kuro
    Found you, Katsura-san.
[11:25] Kuro
    I stepped on the can...
[11:48] Gin
    What? Wait...
[11:49] Gin
    Did you hear Zura scream just now?
[11:52] Sak
    Maybe he got poop in his hair.
[11:55] Gin
    But isn't his piss break taking too long?
[11:59] Sak
    Yeah, he must've accidentally
    flushed his hair.
[12:02] Gin
    That scream felt like something else, though.
[12:05] Sak
    Oh, all right.
[12:08] Gin
    H-Hey, where are you going?
[12:11] Sak
    Just to check things out.
[12:12] Gin
    O-Oh.
[12:15] Gin
    M-Maybe I should go with you.
[12:18] Gin
    I kinda feel like taking a leak, too.
[12:20] Sak
    I see.
[12:21] Sak
    You go take a look, then.
[12:23] Sak
    There's no need for both
    of us to go, is there?
[12:25] Gin
    Well...
[12:27] Gin
    This being a reunion and all, why don't
    we go together for old times' sake?
[12:30] Gin
    Wanna try an X-piss?
[12:32] Sak
    I don't remember ever doing that.
[12:35] Gin
    M-Maybe it was an X-dump?
[12:38] Gin
    Anyway, I'll go with you!
SIGN    Toilet
[12:41] Sak
    Hey, Zura!
[12:43] Sak
    That's weird.
[12:45] Sak
    I don't see him here.
[12:47] Sak
    He might've gone back already.
[12:49] Sak
    I'm heading back.
[12:50] Gin
    H-Hold on!
[12:51] Gin
    Gimme a sec! I'm almost done!
[12:53] Gin
    Wait for me!
[12:55] Gin
    P-Please!
[12:56] Gin
    Don't you dare close that door!
[12:57] Gin
    Keep it open!
[12:58] Gin
    I need ventilation!
[12:59] Sak
    What's gotten you so scared?
[13:02] Gin
    I-I'm not scared, come on!
[13:04] Gin
    This is a reunion, you know.
[13:05] Gin
    What's wrong with wanting to spend as much
    time as possible with your former comrades?
[13:09] Sak
    Well, I've had enough.
[13:11] Gin
    H-Hey!
[13:12] Gin
    Tatsuma, you're still there, right?
[13:14] Gin
    You are, right?
[13:16] Gin
    If you are, could you sing
    the Doraemon theme for me?
[13:18] Gin
    All right, all right!
[13:20] Gin
    I'll sing with you!
[13:23] Gin
    I'll handle the prelude, okay?
[13:26] Gin
    Hey, Tats—
[13:27] Kuro
    Found you, Sakamoto-san.
[13:31] Kuro
    I stepped on the can.
[13:43] Kuro
    And then there was one.
SIGN    Toilet
SIGN    Joi Rebels Reunion
[14:03] Gin
    "If I could do this,
[14:05] Gin
    wouldn't it be nice?
[14:07] Gin
    I've got lots of dreams,
[14:11] Gin
    but he makes them all come true
[14:15] Gin
    with his mysterious pocket.
[14:20] Gin
    I wanna fly freely across the sky!"
[14:23] Hen
    "Sure!"
[14:24] Hen
    Rest assured. The three of you will
    be flying to Heaven soon enough.
[14:29] Mat
    Talk about an instant impact, Takechi-senpai.
[14:32] Mat
    Look at how terrified the White Yaksha is.
[14:34] Hen
    Yes.
[14:35] Hen
    It seems that rumor about him
    being scared of ghosts was true.
[14:39] Hen
    How about Katsura and Sakamoto?
[14:41] Mat
    The sleeping gas has them out like a light.
[14:44] Mat
    The only one left is...
[14:45] Gin
    "Oh, oh, oh, I love you so much, Doraemon!"
[14:47] Hen
    The White Yaksha alone.
[14:49] Hen
    Once we take him out,
[14:49] Hen
    our plan to assassinate the rest of
    the Joi Elite Four will be a success.
[14:54] Mat
    By using the name of their former
    comrade, Kurokono Tasuke,
[14:57] Mat
    we gather them in one place
    and take them all out at once.
[15:00] Mat
    I never imagined it'd work so perfectly.
[15:02] Hen
    Reunions make everyone return to the
    past, giving rise to carelessness.
[15:08] Hen
    Take my temple school days, when I was
    surrounded by all kinds of unripened fruit.
[15:13] Hen
    Why was I so unaware of my own desires?
SIGN    Hanako
[15:17] Hen
    Why didn't I wear Hanako-chan's
    tracksuit that one time?
[15:21] Mat
    Your flashback gave rise to something far
    worse than carelessness, Takechi-pervert!
[15:25] Mat
    Still, should we really be doing
    this without telling Shinsuke-sama?
[15:29] Mat
    We even forged these letters.
SIGN    There's Yakulk in the fridge. Please save one for me.
[15:31] Hen
    On Shinsuke-dono's road to domination,
[15:34] Hen
    it is obvious that they will
    someday stand in his way.
[15:38] Hen
    As his strategist, it naturally falls
    upon me to take them out in advance.
[15:43] Hen
    Also, it won't be us bringing
    judgment down upon them,
[15:46] Hen
    but rather the friend they
    must make amends to,
[15:51] Hen
    Kurokono Tasuke's vengeful ghosts!
[15:54] Mat
    Senpai, that's a different Kuroko!
[15:56] Mat
    If you don't drop it, we'll be the
    ones judgment comes down on!
[15:58] Hen
    Guys, the White Yaksha's
    already on his last legs.
[16:01] Hen
    Let's go with box-and-one.
[16:03] Hen
    I'll mark him man-to-man, while
    you guys set up a zone defense.
[16:06] Mat
    This doesn't sound like
    a ghost huddle at all!
[16:14] Mat
    Be careful, Senpai.
[16:16] Mat
    He may be on his last legs,
[16:17] Mat
    but this is a man who, along with
    Shinsuke-sama, was feared as a demon.
[16:21] Hen
    How's the White Yaksha looking?
[16:24] Mat
    He's entered the second
    verse of the Doraemon theme.
[16:24] Gin
    "Homework, day duty, exams, and lalala...
[16:27] Gin
    I've got lalalots of problems,
[16:31] Gin
    but he lalalas them all
[16:33] Gin
    with his convenient tools."
[16:35] Mat
    He's having trouble remembering the lyrics.
[16:38] Gin
    "He's a toy soldier!"
[16:41] Gin
    Um...
[16:43] Hen
    "Now charge!"
[16:46] Mat
    Why is a ghost charging in so brazenly?!
[16:51] Gin
    Oh, right.
[16:52] Gin
    It was "now charge" in the second verse.
[16:55] Mat
    Hey!
[16:55] Gin
    Thank you. The anywhere door was
    in the third verse, wasn't it?
[16:56] Mat
    Now you just look like a guy helping
    him with the Doraemon lyrics!
[17:00] Mat
    Hurry up and get back on track!
[17:01] Mat
    Scare the White Yaksha!
[17:03] Hen
    H-Heed me, mortal...
[17:07] Gin
    Oh, if you follow the porch this way,
    you'll reach the back entrance.
[17:12] Gin
    There's a restaurant back there.
[17:13] Tak
    Now he thinks you're just
    begging for someone to feed you!
[17:20] Kuro
    Found you, Gintoki-san.
[17:25] Kuro
    At last...
[17:27] Kuro
    At last...
[17:30] Kuro
    At last...
[17:30] Kuro
    At last...
[17:33] Kuro
    I found you!
[17:34] Mat
    Nice follow-up! Looking good!
[17:38] Mat
    Why are you freaking out, too?!
[17:42] Gin
    Hey, hang in there!
[17:44] Gin
    Weren't you going to that restaurant out back?!
[17:46] Gin
    Hey!
[17:47] Mat
    Forget that moron.
[17:50] Kuro
    With this, I can finally...
[17:52] Kuro
    ...put an end...
[17:54] Kuro
    ...to this everlasting game...
[17:55] Kuro
    ...of kick-the-can!
[17:58] Mat
    There it is! Misdirection!
[18:00] Gin
    W-Wait a sec!
[18:01] Gin
    Calm down, Kurokono!
[18:03] Gin
    Which one's Kurokono?
[18:04] Gin
    Sorry we forgot everything!
[18:06] Gin
    We didn't mean to hurt you!
[18:07] Gin
    Back then, we were desperately
    trying to protect our comrades—
[18:14] Kuro
    Katsura-san,
[18:16] Kuro
    Sakamoto-san,
[18:18] Kuro
    and all the others are waiting
[18:20] Kuro
    for you on the other side.
[18:22] Kuro
    Now, Gintoki-san...
[18:25] Kuro
    Come along with us!
[18:32] (Flashback) Kuro
    ...toki-san.
[18:34] (Flashback) Kuro
    Gintoki-san.
[18:40] (Flashback) Kuro
    Gintoki-san, did you fall asleep?
[18:44] (Flashback) Kuro
    I wanted to say goodbye before
    we went our separate ways,
[18:47] (Flashback) Kuro
    but I suppose this kind
    of farewell suits me best.
[18:52] (Flashback) Kuro
    Mediocre and overshadowed in every aspect,
[18:56] (Flashback) Kuro
    all I could do was back you
    all up in trivial ways.
[19:00] (Flashback) Kuro
    But working in your shadows
[19:03] (Flashback) Kuro
    and fighting by your sides are
    experiences I'll never forget.
[19:08] (Flashback) Kuro
    I'm sure you'll all forget about me,
[19:11] (Flashback) Kuro
    but that's perfectly fine with me.
[19:14] (Flashback) Kuro
    It gives me great pride.
[19:18] (Flashback) Gin
    A shadow
[19:20] (Flashback) Gin
    won't appear on the ground
    unless there's light,
[19:22] (Flashback) Gin
    no matter how dim.
[19:25] (Flashback) Gin
    It wouldn't be a problem if
    one guy remembered you, right?
[19:30] (Flashback) Gin
    So if we ever get in trouble,
[19:33] (Flashback) Gin
    come help us out again,
[19:35] (Flashback) Gin
    Kurokono.
[19:38] (Flashback) Kuro
    Sure.
[19:41] (Flashback) Kuro
    I'll always be standing right by your sides.
[19:54] Mat
    Wha—
[19:56] Gin
    Sorry about that, Kurokono.
[19:59] Gin
    I remember now.
[20:01] Gin
    A guy who wanted to be forgotten
[20:04] Gin
    would never come back to haunt us.
[20:08] Gin
    It'd tarnish your pride, wouldn't it?
[20:14] Kuro
    Too bad.
[20:15] Kuro
    He kicked the can.
[20:18] Kuro
    Now you'll have to release all the hostages.
[20:23] Kuro
    And you'd better grab your
    friends and get out of here
[20:27] Kuro
    before I finish counting to a hundred.
[20:30] Kuro
    Before I become a real demon.
[20:35] Mat
    A-Are you...
[20:37] Mat
    You can't be!
SIGN    Restaurant Ketsunoi
[20:50] Kat
    Huh? It's morning.
[20:53] Sak
    I must've fallen asleep...
[20:56] Sak
    I don't remember anything.
[20:59] Sak
    Guess I had too much to drink.
[21:02] Kat
    Hey, what about Kurokono?
[21:03] Sak
    Right!
[21:04] Sak
    What happened to the reunion?
[21:08] Kat
    Hey, Gintoki! Do you know anything?
[21:11] Sak
    Were you awake?
[21:13] Sak
    Do you remember anything about
    what happened last night?
[21:24] Gin
    I forgot.
[22:58] Gin
    Dear Gorilla Mangaka,
[23:02] Gin
    We've now adapted the Kurokono
    Tasuke arc in the anime.
[23:06] Gin
    But speaking of Kurokono Tasuke...
[23:09] Gin
    Viewers who have been watching for a
    while must be familiar with this image,
[23:13] Gin
    the one that often shows up when
    we flash back to the Joi War era.
[23:17] Gin
    This isn't him, right?
[23:21] Gin
    He doesn't look like a string-puller at all.
[23:23] Gin
    I guess he does seem a bit helpful, but I
    don't know if he'd be of great assistance.
[23:26] Gin
    And he's even got a beard.
[23:29] Gin
    Seriously,
[23:30] Gin
    who is this guy?
SIGN    The End
SIGN    Preview
[23:35] Hij
    My dreams aren't cheap enough to
    be bought with a lottery ticket.
[23:39] Hij
    Next Episode:
[23:40] Hij
    "When Compared to Time in the Heavens,
    Fifty Years of Human Life Resembles
SIGN    When Compared to Time in the Heavens,
    Fifty Years of Human Life Resembles
    Naught but Dreams and Lottery Tickets
[23:43] Hij
    Naught but Dreams and Lottery Tickets."
[23:46] Hij
    I...
[23:47] Hij
    I-I won?!
SIGN    Preview
SIGN    [Thanks] To whomever it may concern,
SIGN    thank you so much for your help.
SIGN    The Gintama anime only exists thanks to your goodwill,
SIGN    and next week it presents a one-shot with Hijikata, a lottery ticket, and Gintoki.

E273 - When Compared to Time in the Heavens, Fifty Years of Human Life Resembles Naught but Dreams and Lottery Tickets

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    When Compared to Time in the Heavens,
    Fifty Years of Human Life Resembles
    Naught but Dreams and Lottery Tickets
SIGN    Cigarettes
[01:36] Hij
    The usual, Gran.
SIGN    Cigarettes
SIGN    Lottery Tickets Available
[01:38] W
    Oh, Toshi-san.
[01:40] W
    Do you have any interest in lottery tickets?
[01:45] Hij
    Have I ever come here to buy
    anything but cigarettes?
[01:49] W
    That's not what I'm talking about.
[01:51] W
    Look at this.
SIGN    Monsoon Jumbo Lottery
[01:54] W
    Someone bought a bunch of tickets,
    but dropped one while leaving.
[01:58] W
    I've been holding on to it all this time.
[02:00] W
    Do you want it?
[02:02] Hij
    Sorry, but I don't have any worthless
    dreams I'd entrust to a scrap of paper.
[02:08] W
    You really don't know how to have fun, do you?
[02:11] W
    No wonder you burn through more
    and more cigarettes every year.
SIGN    Lottery Tickets Available
SIGN    Cigarettes
[02:15] W
    Nobody actually believes
    they're gonna win the lottery.
[02:20] W
    It's not about results.
[02:22] W
    The real joy lies in all the fantasizing
    and dreaming you get to do
[02:25] W
    until the results come in.
[02:27] W
    You ought to quit glaring at
    your accounts all the time,
SIGN    Monsoon Jumbo Lottery
[02:32] W
    and just put this piece of paper in your pocket.
[02:35] W
    I'm sure that alone will make
    the world look a lot different.
SIGN    Lottery Tickets Available
[02:39] Hij
    Give it a rest, Gran.
[02:41] Hij
    Besides, I'm a cop.
[02:43] Hij
    I can't just pocket someone
    else's lost property.
[02:47] W
    But isn't hanging on to lost
    items part of a cop's job?
[02:54] Hij
    This is stupid.
[02:56] Hij
    My dreams aren't cheap enough to be
    bought with a scrap of paper like this.
[03:00] Oki
    What are you reading that's
    got you so enthralled, Kondo-san?
[03:03] Kon
    Lottery results.
[03:06] Kon
    I bought about ten tickets on a whim.
[03:09] Kon
    I was so close!
[03:10] Kon
    I almost won 300 million yen!
[03:14] Kon
    A samurai must
[03:16] Kon
    achieve his dreams through
    the swing of his sword alone.
[03:20] Kon
    Most of all, you can't call a dream
[03:22] Kon
    that can be bought with a lottery
    ticket, with money, a dream.
[03:27] Kon
    A samurai has no need for
    this puny piece of paper.
[03:30] Oki
    What's with this number?
[03:33] Oki
    Kondo-san, you got everything
    but the V wrong.
[03:37] Oki
    The winning ticket is V-5739628.
SIGN    Pot 22 V-5739628
[03:41] Oki
    If you call this close,
[03:43] Oki
    Hijikata-san was just as close
    with his V-shaped bangs.
[03:47] Oki
    Right, Hijikata-san?
[03:50] Hij
    What? My hair isn't V-shaped at all.
[03:52] Hij
    I wasn't close at all.
[03:54] Hij
    I don't have any interest in lotteries at all!
[03:57] Oki
    Hijikata-san?
SIGN    Shoot, I'm out of cigarettes.
SIGN    I'm gonna go buy some.
[04:03] Kon
    T-Toshi?
[04:04] Kon
    Hey, Toshi!
[04:10] Hij
    I-I won!
[04:13] Hij
    I won 300 million!
[04:16] Hij
    You gotta be kidding me!
[04:18] Hij
    The chances of a lottery ticket you
    randomly happen to get being the winner
[04:22] Hij
    are as astronomical as two guys
    who randomly happened
[04:25] Hij
    to be born as twins both randomly
    happening to be gay and not need a pair!
[04:28] Hij
    C-Calm down.
[04:30] Hij
    F-First, I need to cash in
    Piko and Osugi's pairs...
[04:34] Hij
    N-No, no, no! The lottery ticket!
[04:36] Hij
    B-But should I?
[04:38] Hij
    This is lost property.
[04:39] Hij
    Wasn't I just holding on to it for its owner?
[04:42] Hij
    But not doing anything is dangerous.
[04:45] Hij
    There's no telling when somebody might
    realize there's 300 million right here
[04:47] Hij
    and come after the lottery ticket.
[04:50] Hij
    For now, it'd be safer
[04:53] Hij
    to invest the 300 million in mayonnaise.
[04:55] Hij
    Right.
[04:57] Hij
    I'll just turn it into a mayonnaise palace
[04:59] Hij
    and mayonnaise pools and
    look after it that way.
[05:01] Hij
    Real estate and mayonnaise
    don't fluctuate in value much.
[05:04] Hij
    I'll be able to return it quickly.
[05:05] Hij
    With that decided, I should
    head to the bank right away.
[05:15] Mo
    That dude's got a lottery
    ticket worth 300 million!
[05:19] Hij
    Th-This is...
[05:21] (Flashback) W
    Just put this piece of paper in your pocket.
[05:24] (Flashback) W
    I'm sure that alone will make
    the world look a lot different.
[05:28] Hij
    Th-The world does look different!
[05:32] Hij
    E-Everyone looks like they have mohawks...
[05:35] Mo
    Woohoo! Lottery ticket!
[05:38] Hij
    That's what they look like!
[05:41] Hij
    J-Just putting a scrap of paper in
    my pocket is making it look like
[05:44] Hij
    the world's filled with mohawked
    ruffians coming after it!
[05:47] Hij
    What kind of demonic paper
    did I get my hands on?!
[05:51] Hij
    Calm down!
[05:52] Hij
    This is a hallucination!
    They're all illusions!
[05:55] Hij
    Get lost, mohawks!
[05:57] Hij
    You are already dead!
[06:01] Gin
    Wh-Whoa there.
[06:02] Gin
    That's dangerous.
[06:04] Gin
    What the hell are you doing?
[06:06] Hij
    O-Oh no!
[06:06] Hij
    W-Well, there was this guy with a mohawk!
[06:08] Hij
    Forget mohawks, this is the last
    guy I want to meet right now!
[06:08] Gin
    Mohawk?
[06:09] Hij
    A Joi rebel with a mohawk in the crowd!
[06:12] Hij
    I've run into Raoh, of all people!
[06:15] Gin
    I don't really get it,
[06:17] Gin
    but a cop just attacked a
    civilian in broad daylight.
[06:19] Gin
    This is gonna be quite the scandal.
[06:23] Gin
    I'd better get around 300
    million in compensat—
[06:25] Hij
    Like hell I have 300 million!
[06:28] Hij
    I do not have 300 million!
[06:30] Hij
    I definitely don't have 300 million!
[06:32] Hij
    I swear to god I don't have 300 million!
[06:35] Gin
    I-I know. It was just a joke.
[06:37] Hij
    There are things you shouldn't
    say even as a joke!
[06:40] Hij
    Apologize!
[06:40] Hij
    Apologize to me and the 300 million!
[06:44] Gin
    I have to apologize?
[06:46] Gin
    I'm in the wrong?
[06:47] Hij
    What's with this guy?
    Why'd he bring up 300 million?
[06:50] Hij
    Don't tell me... he knows?
[06:52] Gin
    That was a hell of a reaction
    to the phrase "300 million."
[06:55] Gin
    Did you buy a lottery ticket?
[06:59] Gin
    Actually, I used what little money
    I had to buy some dreams, too,
[07:03] Gin
    but they all went up in flames.
[07:05] Gin
    Did you know?
[07:06] Gin
    Apparently that cigarette store on Third
    sold a ticket worth 300 million.
[07:09] Gin
    I bought ten tickets from there,
[07:12] Gin
    but I seem to have dropped one somewhere.
[07:15] Gin
    I asked the hag, and she
    said she didn't have a clue.
[07:18] Gin
    When I think that it could've been the one,
[07:21] Gin
    I just can't give up on it.
[07:23] Hij
    I-It was him!
[07:26] Hij
    The ticket that won 300 million was his!
[07:28] Hij
    He really does know everything.
[07:31] Hij
    He's playing dumb, but he's come to
    take the lottery ticket back from me!
[07:34] Hij
    Why?
[07:35] Hij
    Why did this hooligan of a
    samurai have to win 300 million?
[07:38] Hij
    I'd rather use the 300 million to
    wipe my ass and flush it down
[07:41] Hij
    the toilet than hand it over to him!
[07:43] Hij
    He's got something in his pocket!
[07:44] Gin
    Did someone report it to
    you cops as a lost item?
[07:45] Hij
    Don't tell me...
[07:47] Gin
    I'll file a lost property report,
    so let me know if you find it.
[07:51] Gin
    From the afterlife!
[07:52] Hij
    Bring it on!
[07:54] Hij
    If that's what you want, you got it!
[07:56] G
    Today's the grand opening
    of our gardening store!
[07:58] G
    If you'd like... Woo-hah!
[07:59] Hij
    Shit!
[08:01] Hij
    He'd already snuck his men behind me!
[08:03] G
    Aw, yeah! Visit our gardening store!
[08:03] Hij
    No. That's not it.
[08:05] Hij
    Quit spacing out!
[08:09] Hij
    We're getting outta here!
[08:11] Hij
    You've already got hitmen on your tail, too!
[08:14] Gin
    Huh? Hitmen?
[08:15] Gin
    Where?
[08:16] Hij
    Someone must've overheard your
    conversation with the old lady!
[08:20] Gin
    What are you even talking about?!
[08:21] Hij
    Can't you tell?!
[08:23] Hij
    We are... This lottery ticket is...
[08:26] Hij
    being targeted by some
    kind of mohawk syndicate!
[08:28] Gin
    What kind of syndicate is that?!
[08:30] Hij
    I can't believe they deployed so many mohawks
[08:31] Hij
    all over town in such a short time.
[08:33] Hij
    Our enemies are clearly mohawk pros!
[08:36] Hij
    And a pretty huge mohawk syndicate, to boot!
[08:38] Gin
    I don't see any mohawks anywhere!
[08:40] Gin
    And what the hell is a mohawk syndicate?!
[08:42] Hij
    Watch out!
[08:43] Hij
    A mohawk's launching an acid attack!
[08:47] Hij
    Watch out!
[08:48] Hij
    A mohawk car's launching a kamikaze attack!
[08:53] Hij
    Watch out!
[08:54] Hij
    Band members with mohawks!
[08:56] Hij
    Get with the times.
[08:58] Gin
    Watch out, my ass! You're the one
    I should be watching out for!
[09:01] Gin
    Just what the hell are you seeing?!
[09:03] Hij
    Can't you see all those
    hitmen with mohawks in town?
[09:07] Gin
    I told you, there are no mohawks anywhere!
[09:10] Hij
    No way. You're kidding me.
[09:11] Gin
    I'm not!
[09:13] Gin
    What the hell have you been
    doing all this time?!
[09:15] Hij
    Don't tell me...
[09:17] Hij
    Was all this an illusion I had because I'm holding this ticket for 300 million?
[09:21] Hij
    Actually, it looks like he doesn't know
    I have the winning ticket after all.
[09:28] Hij
    I-I see.
[09:30] Hij
    Looks like I've been having
    a bad dream for a while.
[09:33] Hij
    I ended up showing a pathetic side of myself.
[09:35] Hij
    Please forget it.
[09:37] Hij
    Anyway, I need to visit the bank—
[09:39] Gin
    Hold it.
[09:41] Gin
    It was no dream.
[09:43] Gin
    At the very least, the scandalous
    atrocities you committed to me weren't.
[09:48] Gin
    Didn't you mention something
    about a lottery ticket earlier?
[09:52] Gin
    What exactly do you need
    to visit the bank for?
SIGN    Yotsui Bank
[09:54] Hij
    I didn't win. I didn't win!
[09:57] Hij
    Like hell I won!
[09:58] Hij
    What makes you say I won?
[10:01] Gin
    I didn't say you did, though.
[10:03] Gin
    So you won, huh?
[10:04] Hij
    I told you, I didn't win!
[10:06] Hij
    Go away! Forget all about this!
[10:08] Gin
    How much?
[10:10] Gin
    How much did you win?
[10:11] Hij
    Fine!
[10:12] Hij
    I'll buy you some chocolate parfaits.
[10:14] Hij
    I'll buy you as many as you want,
    so could you please go away?
[10:18] R
    Hands up.
[10:22] R
    I said hands up.
[10:24] Hij
    Yeah, yeah.
[10:25] Hij
    I've had enough of you illusions already.
[10:28] Hij
    Move.
[10:29] Hij
    You're in my way, you mohawk trash.
[10:32] Gin
    Hijikata-kun, Hijikata-kun!
[10:35] Gin
    These really are men with mohawks.
[10:38] Hij
    Huh?
SIGN    Yotsui Bank
[10:50] R
    Don't make a fuss.
[10:52] R
    If anyone tries somethin' funny,
[10:55] R
    we'll riddle every last
    one of you with bullets.
[11:00] Hij
    How did it end up like this?
[11:03] Hij
    I overcame all kinds of mohawk illusions
[11:05] Hij
    and was one step away from
    cashing in the lottery ticket,
[11:09] Hij
    and then I run into a gang of robbers
    with mohawks just before the finish line?
[11:13] Hij
    I can't tell illusionary mohawks
    from real ones anymore.
[11:19] Gin
    This has turned into a pain in the ass.
[11:22] Gin
    Aren't you a cop?
[11:24] Gin
    You're not ashamed to watch
    a crime unfold before your eyes?
[11:27] Gin
    Cops sure are something.
[11:30] Gin
    I'd be going beet red with embarrassment.
[11:32] Hij
    Shut up and keep your nose out of this!
[11:35] Hij
    Right now, I'm no ordinary cop!
[11:37] Hij
    I've got a lottery ticket worth
    300 million in my pocket.
[11:40] Hij
    I'm a cop with bait hanging
    from my entire body!
[11:44] Hij
    If the robbers notice the existence
    of this lottery ticket...
[11:49] R
    Yahoo! Talk about an unexpected bonus!
[11:53] Hij
    No, it'd be even worse if he noticed it.
[11:57] Hij
    I can't do anything stupid.
[11:59] Hij
    The hostages' lives and 300
    million are at stake here.
[12:03] Hij
    I should sit tight and wait
    for the storm to pass.
[12:06] R
    Aight, y'all.
[12:07] R
    Time to go through your belongings.
[12:09] R
    If you got any valuables,
    cough 'em all up right now.
[12:14] Gin
    Oh, come on.
[12:15] Gin
    You came to rob the bank,
[12:17] Gin
    and now you're even robbing
    civilians of their pocket change?
[12:20] Gin
    For robbers, you guys sure are cheap.
[12:23] R
    Who said that just now?
[12:24] Hij
    Keep your damn mouth shut!
[12:27] Gin
    Sorry.
[12:28] Gin
    I tried to stop him, but he just can't
    keep his sense of justice in check.
[12:32] Hij
    M-Me?!
[12:33] Gin
    That's enough.
[12:34] Hij
    No, I—
[12:35] R
    Cheeky bastard.
[12:37] R
    Let's start with you.
[12:39] R
    Cough up everythin' you got!
[12:41] Hij
    What the hell have you done?!
[12:43] Hij
    I-I can't show them the lottery
    ticket, no matter what!
[12:46] R
    Hurry up!
[12:47] Hij
    I-If that's how it is...
SIGN    Special Police Shinsengumi
[12:51] Hij
    Will this do?
[12:53] R
    A-A police badge?!
[12:55] R
    You can't be...
[12:57] Hij
    I'm Hijikata Toshiro,
    vice chief of the Shinsengumi.
[13:01] Hij
    U-Unfortunately for you, the police
    caught wind of your plan long ago.
[13:06] Hij
    Th-The Shinsengumi already
    have this bank surrounded.
SIGN    Yotsui Bank
[13:11] Hij
    The moment I give the signal,
    they'll storm the place.
[13:14] Hij
    You'll all get chopped into pieces.
[13:16] Kon
    Yes! I cut off its tail!
[13:19] Oki
    It's so boring to be off-duty.
[13:21] Hij
    If you don't wanna die, put your
    weapons down and surrender.
[13:25] Hij
    We won't hurt you.
[13:26] Hij
    Please, believe me!
[13:28] Hij
    Fall for it!
[13:31] R
    Sh-Shit! I can't believe everything
    got leaked to the fuzz!
[13:35] R
    What do we do now?
[13:36] R
    We don't stand a chance
    against those man-slayers!
[13:40] Hij
    It's happening!
[13:41] Gin
    Settle down.
[13:43] Gin
    They can't just storm the place so easily.
[13:46] Gin
    You guys have us hostages.
[13:50] Hij
    Whose side are you on?!
[13:52] Gin
    If they could storm the place, they would've
    done it before you took any hostages.
[13:58] Gin
    Which means they've not fully
    assembled here yet for some reason.
[14:02] Gin
    Get it?
[14:03] R
    I-I see.
[14:04] Hij
    That's not how a hostage should be acting!
[14:05] R
    By the way, who are you?
[14:06] Hij
    What kind of stance are you taking?!
[14:07] Gin
    Never mind me.
[14:09] Gin
    That said, it's only a matter
    of time until the fuzz get here.
[14:12] Gin
    If you're gonna run, it's now or never.
[14:14] Gin
    But taking all the hostages
    with you will slow you down.
[14:19] Gin
    When it comes to hostages,
[14:20] Gin
    just having one who'll help
    you lose the cops is enough.
[14:24] Gin
    In other words...
[14:26] R
    The cop over there, right?!
[14:29] Hij
    Hold on a second!
[14:30] Gin
    There you have it.
[14:32] Gin
    I'll handle the rest,
[14:36] Gin
    so you guys take care, too.
[14:38] R
    Thank you very much!
[14:40] Hij
    Thank you, my ass!
[14:42] Hij
    He's turned into the leader
    of the robbers' gang now!
[14:45] Gin
    Hijikata-kun, you don't have
    to worry about the rest, either.
[14:50] Gin
    I'll take good care of it all.
[14:55] Hij
    Th-That bastard! He really had noticed!
[14:59] Gin
    Adios, Mr. Cop-Turned-Cat-Burglar.
[15:02] Gin
    I'm willing to take 300 yen out of the 300
    million to buy flowers for your funeral,
[15:06] Gin
    so I hope you rest in peace.
[15:09] Hij
    Wait!
[15:10] Hij
    Wait a second!
[15:13] Hij
    That guy has 300 million!
[15:17] Gin
    Huh?
[15:21] Gin
    What is wrong with you?
[15:23] Gin
    Why'd you tell them about
    the 300 million yourself?!
[15:25] Hij
    I'd rather give it to them
    than let you have it!
[15:29] Gin
    Let me have it? It was
    mine in the first place!
[15:31] Hij
    The old lady gave it to me! Where it
    was before that means nothing to me!
[15:35] Gin
    Should a cop really be pocketing stuff?!
[15:37] Hij
    That was the old crone! I just got it from her!
[15:40] R
    Quit your fightin'.
[15:42] R
    300 million...
[15:43] R
    Talk about an unexpected windfall.
[15:46] R
    Tell us where you got it stashed.
[15:48] Hij
    Oh, yeah.
[15:50] Hij
    These guys don't know about
    the lottery ticket yet.
[15:53] Hij
    U-Uh, well...
[15:55] Hij
    His wealthy grandma passed away recently.
[15:58] Hij
    He ended up getting the entire inheritance.
[16:01] Hij
    Isn't that right?
[16:03] Gin
    Y-Yeah...
[16:04] Gin
    I was quite the grandma's boy, you see.
[16:07] Hij
    That's the way.
[16:08] Hij
    We can still protect it.
[16:09] Hij
    We can still protect the lottery ticket!
[16:12] R
    So, where's that inheritance?
SIGN    Oedo Hozumi Bank
[16:15] R
    Listen up.
[16:16] R
    Keep yer trap shut and
    just withdraw the cash.
[16:20] R
    If you try anythin' funny,
[16:21] R
    I'll kill him right away.
[16:24] Gin
    Oh, it's okay. You can actually
    kill him right now if you want.
[16:27] Hij
    No, it's not!
[16:28] Hij
    You know what to do, right?
[16:31] Gin
    Like hell I do!
[16:33] Gin
    Where am I supposed to find
    an account with 300 million?
[16:35] Gin
    Where am I supposed to find a grandma?!
[16:36] Hij
    You can do it.
[16:38] Hij
    I believe in you. I believe
    you're a grandma's boy.
[16:41] Gin
    The only way to get 300
    million is to use this!
[16:45] Gin
    But that would mean protecting
    the ticket was pointless!
[16:49] Gin
    Oh, hell.
[16:52] W
    Welcome.
[16:53] W
    What can we do for you?
[16:54] Gin
    Uh, I can't show it right now,
[16:59] Gin
    but I'll definitely pay you back with this,
[17:02] Gin
    so could you quietly fork
    out 300 million for now?
[17:09] Hij
    That was a bank robbery!
[17:11] Hij
    You totally robbed that bank!
[17:14] Gin
    Don't say it like that!
[17:15] Gin
    It was just a loan!
[17:17] Gin
    I gave her a sneak peek at the ticket!
[17:19] Hij
    Reaching into your pocket with a face like
    that would just make it look like a gun!
[17:23] Gin
    You should be grateful I saved both the
    lottery ticket and your life, dumbass!
[17:28] R
    Way to go, bro.
[17:29] R
    I can't believe you stole 300
    million without a weapon.
[17:33] Hij
    They recognized your skills!
[17:34] Hij
    The robbers are tipping their hat to you!
SIGN    Arrest
[17:38] C
    Pull over, truck!
[17:41] R
    I-It's the fuzz!
[17:43] R
    They've come to throw us in the slammer!
[17:45] Hij
    That's not it, right?
[17:46] Hij
    It's definitely you they're after, right?
[17:49] Gin
    I-I haven't committed any crimes!
[17:54] C
    What's that?
[17:56] C
    A lottery ti—
[17:58] Hij
    You saw nothing, right?
[18:01] Hij
    You never saw a lottery ticket, right?!
[18:05] C
    What are you talking about?!
[18:12] Gin
    You got rid of the cops!
[18:14] Gin
    You put your body on the line
    to save a gang of robbers!
[18:17] Hij
    Don't say it like that!
[18:19] Hij
    I just went to pick it up.
[18:21] Hij
    It was your fault for carelessly
    throwing it away in the first place!
[18:24] R
    Thanks, dude!
[18:25] R
    You got balls!
[18:28] R
    Let's keep this goin' and escape together!
[18:30] Gin
    There's camaraderie budding over here!
[18:33] Gin
    A sense of solidarity's
    being created as we speak!
[18:35] Gin
    This is bad.
[18:36] Gin
    At this rate, we're gonna end
    up joining a band of thieves!
[18:41] R
    We got trouble!
[18:42] R
    The road's blocked off!
[18:44] R
    They anticipated where
    we'd be and got here first!
[18:46] R
    Hey, what do we do?
[18:48] Gin
    Why are you asking me?!
[18:49] Gin
    Why are you treating us like
    the brains of this gang?!
[18:53] Hij
    All right.
[18:53] Hij
    Now's my chance.
[18:55] Gin
    Hold it right there!
[18:57] Gin
    Where do you think you're
    going with my lottery ticket?
[19:00] Hij
    We're gonna get arrested along
    with these guys if we stay here!
[19:03] Hij
    Now's the time to run!
[19:05] Gin
    Screw you!
[19:06] Gin
    This is mine! Leave it here!
[19:08] Hij
    Wait, wait!
[19:08] Hij
    It'll tear! It'll tear!
[19:11] Hij
    You're gonna destroy it!
[19:13] R
    You heard him!
[19:14] R
    We're gonna destroy that wall!
[19:17] Bo
    Uh...
[19:18] Bo
    That's not what we meant!
[19:23] R
    Yeah! We broke through!
[19:26] R
    We got nothin' to be scared
    of with you guys on our side!
[19:31] R
    Split up and spread out here! Lose the cops!
[19:37] R
    Hijikata-san, Sakata-san...
[19:39] R
    If we live through this and meet
    again, let's share a drink.
[19:45] Hij
    Don't give me that!
[19:47] Hij
    We totally look like the
    leaders of a gang of robbers!
[19:50] Hij
    If anyone sees us here,
[19:51] Hij
    not only will we lose the lottery
    ticket, we'll lose everything!
[19:55] Hij
    What the hell's going on?
[19:56] Hij
    Why are the cops coming after us alone?
[19:59] Hij
    Is it another illusion?
[20:00] Hij
    Is this making me see things again?
[20:03] Hij
    Ever since I got my hands on this,
    the whole world has changed.
[20:07] Hij
    Ever since I got my hands on this,
    the whole world has gone crazy.
[20:13] Gin
    If we're letting a scrap of paper control us,
[20:15] Gin
    then I guess we've got a lot to learn.
[20:19] Gin
    Let's put an end to this.
[20:22] Hij
    Yeah.
[20:24] Hij
    It's high time we opened our eyes.
[20:27] Hij
    A dream worth 300 million is
    too much for the likes of us.
[20:36] Hij
    Being controlled by our own dreams is plenty.
[20:40] Hij
    It's too late to regret anything now.
[20:44] Gin
    I won't.
[20:46] Gin
    Because I have 300 million right here.
[20:50] Hij
    Why the hell did you bring that with you?!
[20:53] Gin
    You didn't look like you'd
    give me the lottery ticket,
[20:56] Gin
    so I figured I could make do with this.
[20:57] Hij
    Are you kidding me?!
[20:59] Hij
    Us being the only ones getting
    chased wasn't an illusion!
[21:01] Hij
    It was your fault!
SIGN    Arrest
[21:08] Oki
    Oh, is that it?
[21:11] Oki
    So you didn't steal that money.
[21:13] Oki
    You just got it back from the robbers, huh?
[21:17] Bo
    Th-That's right.
[21:19] Oki
    I'm sorry.
[21:21] Oki
    It looked for all the world like a
    conversation between robbers.
[21:24] Oki
    Well, we caught all the robbers,
[21:25] R
    Sakata-san, Hijikata-san, see you in prison!
[21:26] Oki
    so I can write it off as an
    undercover investigation.
[21:29] C
    Keep it down!
[21:31] Oki
    However, I can't take responsibility
    for the 300 million that got burned.
[21:43] Oki
    Do you have any ideas on how to pay it back?
[21:47] Bo
    We're gonna go buy lottery tickets.
SIGN    Snack Otose
SIGN    Preview
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[23:25] Gin
    Don't cry until the ending.
SIGN    Guys With Big Nostrils
    Also Have Big Imaginations
[23:29] Gin
    Next episode: "Guys With Big Nostrils
    Also Have Big Imaginations."
SIGN    Sugar Content
SIGN    Preview
[23:34] Gin
    Finally on air.
SIGN    Preview
[23:37] Gin
    We're gonna make a mascot
    for Kabuki District.
SIGN    You Never Accept a New
    Sentai Series at the Start,
    But By the Final Episode,
    You Don't Want It to End
[23:39] Gin
    Next episode: "You Never Accept
    a New Sentai Series at the Start,
[23:44] Gin
    But By the Final Episode,
    You Don't Want It to End."
SIGN    Next week, we try making posters to attract new customers
SIGN    and making a mascot to improve Kabuki District's image,
SIGN    but as you might expect, we're already enjoying
SIGN    walking a tightrope and seeing where the wind takes us.

E274 - Guys With Big Nostrils Also Have Big Imaginations / You Never Accept a New Sentai Series at the Start, But By the Final Episode, You Don't Want It to End

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:01] Shin
    Huh? A poster?
[00:03] Gin
    Yeah.
SIGN    Sugar Content
[00:04] Gin
    Why don't we make a poster
    advertising Odd Jobs?
[00:07] Shin
    Why now, after all this time?
[00:08] Gin
    I thought maybe our business was doing badly
[00:10] Gin
    because we've been skipping out on publicity.
[00:13] Gin
    Our work itself is top-notch, right?
[00:16] Shin
    Is it?
[00:17] Gin
    That's right.
[00:18] Gin
    Until now, we've been taking
    advertising too lightly.
[00:21] Gin
    In other words,
[00:23] Gin
    we've been taking Shigesato's
    nostrils too lightly!
[00:25] Shin
    Uh, I haven't!
[00:26] Shin
    I played the Mother series in its entirety!
[00:29] Gin
    He may be a famous copywriter
    who made the Mother series,
[00:32] Gin
    but nobody wants to enter the
    nostril of an old man, right?
[00:35] Gin
    Basically, advertising acts
    as a gateway to your business!
SIGN    Welcome.
[00:38] Shin
    Nostrils aren't gateways, damn it!
[00:40] Gin
    Anyway!
[00:41] Gin
    The anime is in its third season,
[00:43] Gin
    and we've even made two movies.
[00:45] Gin
    We need a second wind right now.
[00:47] Gin
    We've reached a point where we have to
    show off how cool and awesome Odd Jobs is
[00:51] Gin
    in order to attract new customers.
[00:54] Shin
    Why all this talk about flashback
    arcs and second winds lately?
[00:57] Shin
    Just how worried are you?
[01:00] Gin
    And that's why
[01:01] Gin
    I figured I'd ask you guys if you
    have any ideas for the poster.
[01:04] Gin
    For example, this is the poster
    for a certain famous game.
SIGN    Don't cry until the ending.
[01:12] Shin
    In the end, you're totally
    neck deep in his nostrils!
[01:15] Shin
    His nostril hair already has
    a vice grip on your heart!
SIGN    Don't cry until the ending.
[01:19] Gin
    "Don't cry until the ending."
SIGN    Don't cry until the ending.
[01:22] Gin
    Now this is what you call a copy.
[01:24] Gin
    And as you can see, the
    key visual perfectly captures
[01:30] Gin
    the image of the product...
[01:33] Gin
    I can't!
SIGN    Don't cry until the ending.
[01:36] Gin
    Sorry, I need a moment.
[01:37] Shin
    Don't cry until the ending!
[01:39] Kag
    So we just have to show off Odd Jobs'
    appeal with visuals and text?
[01:43] Gin
    Exactly.
[01:46] Shin
    That won't be easy.
[01:47] Shin
    Especially the copy.
SIGN    Sugar Content
[01:49] Kag
    We should base it off Mother to an extent.
[01:53] Kag
    How about this?
[01:59] Kag
    "How much longer until the opening?"
SIGN    How much longer until the opening?
[02:01] Shin
    What kind of copy is that?!
SIGN    Guys With Big Nostrils
    Also Have Big Imaginations
SIGN    Snack Otose
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[03:40] Gin
    We need a copy that tells people what we do,
[03:43] Gin
    while at the same time making
    them want to take a peek inside.
[03:47] Kag
    You mean telling them what this shop's like?
[03:49] Gin
    Something like this, for example.
SIGN    It's okay as long as you don't go beyond peing
[03:55] W**
    "It's okay as long as you
    don't go beyond peing."
[03:57] Shin**
    What kind of shop are we?!
[03:59] Shin
    That's just a flyer for a brothel!
[04:01] Shin
    What, Odd Jobs allows peing?!
[04:03] Gin**
    It's just saying that in
    this frigid modern society,
[04:06] Gin
    we can provide some peing for
    the soul, know what I mean?
[04:08] Shin**
    We'll end up getting a call from JARO!
[04:10] Shin
    Also, would you break free of
    Mother's spell already?!
[04:12] Shin
    You're completely bound by it!
[04:14] Kag
    Well, all men do have mother complexes.
[04:16] Shin
    That's not what I meant!
SIGN    Sugar Content
[04:18] Gin
    Fine.
[04:19] Gin
    Let's change the theme, then.
[04:21] Gin
    Forget about Odd Jobs.
[04:23] Gin
    Let's advertise this anime.
[04:24] Gin
    Sell some DVDs and Blu-rays.
[04:26] Shin
    Are we really gonna do
    such explicit shilling?
[04:28] Gin
    You can't run a business
    by sugarcoating everything.
[04:31] Gin
    You gotta be explicit with it.
[04:33] Shin
    No, that's not your business!
[04:34] Shin
    It's Aniplex's job!
[04:36] Kag
    How about this, then?
SIGN    I still can't come up with an ending.
[04:42] Sor
    "I still can't come up with an ending."
[04:43] Shin
    That's too explicit!
[04:44] Shin
    And explicit is all it is!
    It's not advertising anything!
[04:46] Shin
    All it did was expose the
    mangaka's dark secrets!
[04:48] Kag
    It's about time
[04:49] Kag
    we made it clear why this anime's been
    dragging its feet for nine years,
[04:53] Kag
    stopping and starting all the time.
[04:55] Gin
    Kagura...
[04:56] Gin
    At times like these,
[04:57] Gin
    it's better to say the ending was finalized
    right from the start or something.
[05:01] Gin
    Or else they'll think the anime did
    the final chapter thoughtlessly.
SIGN    I still can't come up with an ending.
[05:05] Kag
    Oh, so it's better if the ending is finalized?
[05:08] Shin
    Why are you finalizing the mangaka's ending?!
[05:11] Shin
    Calm down for a second!
[05:13] Shin
    Instead of making things too complicated,
[05:15] Shin
    let's just talk about
    this anime's good points.
SIGN    Sugar Content
SIGN    Sugar Content
SIGN    Sugar Content
SIGN    We got nothing.
[05:35] All
    "We got nothing."
[05:36] Shin
    That's depressing!
[05:36] Shin
    That can't be true!
[05:37] Shin
    We've gotten all the way up to episode 274,
    so there's gotta be at least one thing!
SIGN    We got no glasses in this thing.
[05:42] Bo
    "We got no glasses in this thing."
[05:43] Shin
    What do you mean, no glasses?!
[05:44] Shin
    They're here!
[05:45] Shin
    They're shining brilliantly
    right in front of my eyes!
SIGN    Isn't he annoying? Why doesn't he suggest something instead of complaining?
[05:49] Gin
    "Isn't he annoying?"
[05:50] Kag
    "Why doesn't he suggest something
    instead of complaining?"
[05:53] Shin
    Why are you using the copy
    to have a conversation?!
SIGN    No one in glasses until the ending.
[05:56] Bo
    "No one in glasses until the ending."
[05:58] Shin
    Even the guy in glasses got his ending finalized!
[06:01] Shin
    Come on, knock it off already!
[06:03] Shin
    You call this advertising?!
[06:05] Shin
    At this rate, we'll never finish the poster!
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[06:08] Shin
    Let's forget about Mother for now.
[06:10] Shin
    Think outside the box.
[06:12] Shin
    We can just decide on the visuals first,
SIGN    Sugar Content
[06:13] Shin
    and match the copy to that.
[06:16] Gin
    Well, we certainly don't have the
    time to be getting stuck here.
[06:20] Shin
    Let's go with pictures we've already taken.
[06:23] Shin
    People can remember our faces that way.
[06:28] Shin
    First, let's decide which photos to use.
[06:32] Shin
    Okay, these three.
[06:34] Gin
    How are we gonna turn these totally
    different photos into a poster?
SIGN    Sugar Content
[06:38] Shin
    Like this.
[06:41] Gin
    Ah, I get it.
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[06:42] Gin
    I've seen stuff like this before.
[06:44] Kag
    I guess it works.
[06:46] Shin
    The biggest problem is the copy.
[06:48] Gin
    We've got three spaces here,
    so we should make use of them.
[06:52] Shin
    How about something like this?
SIGN    Cynical Slob
[06:55] Gin
    "Cynical slob."
SIGN    Always on the Job
[06:57] Shin
    "Akways on the job."
SIGN    Shyest of the Mob
[06:59] Kag
    "Shyest of the mob."
SIGN    Cynical Slob
SIGN    Always on the Job
SIGN    Shyest of the Mob
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[07:02] All
    "Odd Jobs Gin-chan!"
[07:04] Gin
    Nah, that's kinda stale.
[07:05] Kag
    And corny.
[07:07] Shin
    But it rhymes!
[07:08] Gin
    That kind of thinking itself is stale.
[07:10] Gin
    You're like an old man who thinks
    doing things like a rapper is trendy.
[07:14] Kag
    And how come you're the only one who gets a
[07:16] Kag
    nice description like "always on the job"?
[07:18] Kag
    Damn Bespectacled Bob!
[07:19] Shin
    Nothing else came to mind!
[07:20] Shin
    You try it, then!
[07:23] Kag
    You need to treat everyone
    equally at times like these.
[07:26] Kag
    What do you think of this?
SIGN    Judy
[07:29] Gin
    "Judy"
SIGN    and
[07:31] Shin
    "and"
SIGN    Marie
[07:34] Kag
    "Marie!"
SIGN    Judy
SIGN    and
SIGN    Marie
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[07:36] All
    "Odd Jobs Gin-chan!"
[07:37] Shin
    How is that a good use of the three spaces?!
[07:39] Shin
    Good for you! You get to be Marie!
[07:41] Shin
    Why am I "and"?!
[07:42] Shin
    Is there any point to me living?!
[07:43] Kag
    I actually wanted to use "Chge and
    "Asa," but now's not a good time!
[07:47] Shin
    That'd be bad!
[07:48] Shin
    We definitely can't do that on air right now!
[07:49] Shin
    Wait.
[07:50] Shin
    I'd still be "and" then, too!
[07:52] Gin
    Settle down, you two.
[07:53] Gin
    Jeez, you're fighting
    over something so stupid.
[07:56] Gin
    This is why I can't stand kids.
[07:58] Gin
    Let the adult here distribute it evenly.
[08:00] Gin
    "Love, heartache, resili"
SIGN    Love, Heartache, Resili
[08:02] Shin
    "ence,"
SIGN    ence
[08:03] Kag
    "and"
SIGN    and
SIGN    Love, Heartache, Resili
SIGN    ence,
SIGN    and
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[08:04] All
    "Odd Jobs Gin-chan!"
[08:06] Shin
    You're being too greedy!
[08:07] Shin
    Wouldn't one normally let us have
    the heartache and resilience?!
[08:11] Kag
    Talk about dirty! Is that how
    an adult should be acting?!
[08:14] Gin
    It's too early for you guys.
[08:16] Gin
    I was offering to carry
    all of the load, you know.
SIGN    Sugar Content
[08:19] Gin
    Then how about this?
[08:20] Gin
    Why don't we each write our own copy?
[08:22] Shin
    But they'd be all over the place, then.
SIGN    Sugar Content
[08:25] Gin
    In that case, we can just set a theme.
[08:27] Gin
    Like the passion you have
    for work or something.
[08:29] Shin
    Oh, that sounds good.
[08:31] Shin
    Let's go with that.
SIGN    I'll do my beeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
[08:32] Gin
    "I'll do my best!"
SIGN    eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeest!
SIGN    The workers are all nice people, so feel free to stop by.
[08:35] Shin
    "The workers are all nice people,
    so feel free to stop by."
[08:38] Kag
    "I'll do it!"
SIGN    eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeest! I'll do iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
SIGN    so feel free to stop by.
SIGN    I'll do iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!
SIGN    I'll do my bee
    eeeeeeeeeeee
    eeeeeeeeeeee
    eeeeeeeeeeee
    eeeeeeeeeest!
SIGN    The workers are all nice people, so feel free to stop by.
SIGN    I'll do iiiiiiiiiiii iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[08:42] Shin
    Think about the space constraints, damn it!
[08:44] Shin
    And you guys were just trying
    to write something long!
[08:47] Shin
    You're totally just out to crush me!
[08:49] Shin
    I quit!
[08:50] Shin
    I'm done trying to work with you two!
[08:52] Gin
    Right back at you, dumbass!
[08:54] Gin
    You guys have no talent for this!
[08:56] Kag
    Boil Shigesato's nostril hair in water
    and drink it, you useless hacks!
[08:59] Gin
    What did you just say?!
[09:00] Gin
    Want me to write our copy with your blood?!
[09:03] Kag
    You're on!
[09:03] Kag
    I'll rip off your dck, make a print
    of it, and use that as our poster!
[09:07] Shin
    Bring it!
[09:09] Shin
    On second thought, I'm sorry!
[09:10] Shin
    I got carried away!
[09:12] Shin
    W-Wait a sec, Gin-san, Kagura-cha—
[09:15] Shin
    I was wrong!
[09:17] Shin
    It wasn't my place to say anything!
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[09:37] G
    There is but one reason we've
    all assembled here today.
SIGN    Kabuki District Association Meeting
[09:41] G
    In recent surveys taken by the government,
[09:44] G
    our Kabuki District has won the
[09:45] G
    triple crown of "least desirable place to live,"
    "scariest town," and "least happening town."
SIGN    Kabuki District Cleanup Drive
SIGN    (Survey results) -Least desirable place to live -Scariest town - Least happening town
SIGN    Kabuki District
[09:50] G
    As such, I'd like to propose
[09:53] G
    a cleanup drive to improve
    the town's scenery, and...
[09:57] Ago
    Uh, I'm sorry,
[10:00] Ago
    but get lost, trash.
[10:01] G
    I'll be excusing myself now!
[10:03] Ago
    Improve the Kabuki District's image?
[10:05] Ago
    That's easy.
[10:07] Ago
    All we have to do is get rid of you yakuza.
SIGN    Kabuki District Four Devas Representative
    King of Fist
    Ago
[10:10] 73
    You monsters are the ones
    ruinin' the scenery.
[10:13] 73
    This ain't Universal Studios Japan.
SIGN    Kabuki District Four Devas Representative
     Kurogoma Katsuo
[10:15] 73
    Nobody wants chins jumpin' out at 'em.
[10:17] Ago
    You dare call my chin a 3D attraction?
[10:21] 73
    After that war,
[10:22] 73
    the Kabuki District Four Devas were
    destroyed for all intents and purposes.
[10:26] 73
    Our boss retired,
[10:28] 73
    Kada disappeared,
[10:29] 73
    and Otose and Saigo have become
    completely docile lately.
[10:35] 73
    I came here to see the next generation
    of Four Devas I'll be competin' with,
[10:40] 73
    but it's lookin' like I can easily
    take control of this town myself.
[10:45] 73
    I'm outta here.
[10:46] 73
    Feel free to pick up the trash or
    get your chins fixed or whatever.
[10:51] Ago
    Katsuo,
[10:52] Ago
    haven't you heard about the
    new member of the Four Devas?
[10:56] Ago
    The super rookie that even
    Mama and Otose-san called
[10:59] Ago
    the person most likely to
    rule the Kabuki District?
[11:03] 73
    Super rookie?
[11:05] 73
    You don't mean...
[11:07] 73
    Him?
[11:10] 73
    What the hell?!
[11:12] 73
    Y-You're...
SIGN    Kabuki District Four Devas Representative
    NEET Samurai
    Sakata Gintoki
[11:18] Ago
    Pako!
[11:19] 73
    The super rookie got taken out already!
[11:22] Ago
    What are you saying?
[11:23] Ago
    Pako's just Pako.
[11:25] 73
    Th-Then...
[11:26] Ago
    Who did this to you?
[11:28] Gin
    R-Run away!
[11:30] Gin
    The super rookie is...
[11:31] Gin
    The Kabuki District Four
    Devas are done for...
[11:37] Ago
    What do you mean?
[11:38] Ago
    H-Hang in there, Pako!
[11:41] 73
    I-It's a raid!
[11:43] 73
    The new Deva is launchin' a raid!
[11:46] G
    Fortify the defenses!
[11:47] G
    Don't let them lay a finger on this town!
[11:55] 73
    Wha—
[12:00] Tae
    Now, this won't do.
[12:03] Tae
    We're in the middle of an important meeting.
[12:05] Tae
    You guys always try to slack off the
    moment one takes one's eyes off you.
[12:10] Tae
    We can't let Otose-san and the others
    do all our work for us forever.
[12:13] Tae
    From now on, as the new generation,
[12:16] Tae
    we have to keep the Kabuki District safe.
[12:20] Tae
    Right?
SIGN    New Kabuki District Deva
    Queen of Kabuki District
    Shimura Tae
SIGN    You Never Accept a New
    Sentai Series at the Start,
    But By the Final Episode,
    You Don't Want It to End
SIGN    Measures to improve the Kabuki District's image
[12:30] Tae
    Now that we're all here, let's begin.
[12:34] Tae
    Our topic is how to improve
    the Kabuki District's image.
[12:39] Tae
    As you all know,
[12:41] Tae
    we've been ranked first in "least desirable
    place to live," "scariest town,"
[12:41] 73
    Hey.
[12:42] 73
    How did a cabaret girl rise all
    the way to the position of Deva?
[12:44] Tae
    and "least happening town."
[12:46] Gin
    Gran Otose and Saigo encouraged
    her for some reason.
[12:50] Gin
    They even made me tag along. What a pain.
[12:53] Gin
    Forget about the Four Devas.
[12:53] Tae
    Let's think about how to give the
    Kabuki District a more positive image.
[12:55] Gin
    We're headed toward an era of gorilla rule.
[12:56] 73
    You gotta be kiddin'.
[12:58] 73
    As if we could obediently
    follow a cabaret girl!
[13:01] 73
    Most of all,
[13:02] 73
    I can't accept the next
    generation of Four Devas
[13:04] 73
    being comprised of a yakuza, a NEET samurai,
[13:05] 73
    a cabaret girl, and a baguette!
[13:08] Ago
    Whose chin are you calling a baguette?
[13:10] 73
    Lady, I dunno about this
    improvin' the image nonsense,
[13:13] 73
    but our town has many different faces.
[13:16] 73
    And I like everythin' about it, includin'
    the filthy and dangerous bits!
[13:21] Tae
    You're right, Katsuo-san.
[13:24] Tae
    If everyone were to get
    Botox or cosmetic surgery,
[13:27] Tae
    they'd all end up with the same
    pretty face and no individuality.
[13:31] Tae
    I'd rather take an approach
[13:32] Tae
    with which we can show that
    if you take a closer look,
[13:35] Tae
    this town is kinda nice, if a bit unruly.
[13:39] Tae
    I love our town, too, you see.
[13:42] G
    Hey, that young lady...
[13:43] G
    I thought she was just a violent gorilla,
    but she actually knows where it's at.
[13:47] 73
    Don't be moved by her words!
[13:48] 73
    I'll admit yer heart's in the right place,
[13:50] 73
    but how exactly are ya gonna approach this?
[13:53] 73
    Cleanin' up the trash again?
    Cleanin' up the baguettes?!
[13:56] 73
    You ain't gonna fool us with that!
[13:57] Ago
    I told you, I'm not a baguette!
[14:01] Tae
    I have an idea.
[14:03] Tae
    Why don't we all come up with a
    local mascot for the Kabuki District?
[14:07] G
    A local mascot?
[14:08] G
    I've heard of those!
[14:10] G
    Like Nara's Sento-kun,
    and Kumamoto's Kumamon,
[14:13] O
    and that bouncy, squeaky thing!
[14:15] O
    They're weirdly-designed SD characters
    holding the area's local specialties, right?
SIGN    Kabuki District Station
[14:19] Tae
    That way, people could gain an affinity
    for the town along with the mascot.
[14:23] Tae
    And if it goes well, we could bring wealth to
    the town by selling character merchandise.
[14:27] Tae
    I think we can profile the Kabuki District's
    charm from a different perspective.
[14:31] 73
    Are you stupid?!
[14:32] 73
    Like hell we could sell somethin'
    that fancy in this town of hooligans!
[14:35] 73
    What the hell is the Kabuki District's
    local specialty, anyway?
[14:37] 73
    You ain't gonna profile cabaret
    clubs or splands, are ya?!
[14:41] Ago**
    We can solve that problem by
    summing it all up as "nightlife."
[14:45] Ago
    Beyond that, if we give it a name that
    puns on "Kabuki District," we'll be fine.
[14:48] Gin
    Nightlife and Kabuki District...
[14:51] Gin
    How about something like this?
SIGN    Kabuki-kun
[14:53] Gin
    Kabuki-kun.
[14:55] 73
    You're taking the gangster
    meaning of "kabuki"?!
[14:57] 73
    What part of him is an SD mascot?
[14:58] 73
    His glare seems awfully menacing!
SIGN    Local Mascot Kabuki-kun Ashtrays
[15:00] Gin
    You can tell at a glance that
    you could enjoy the nightlife here.
[15:05] Ago
    He's a fine man, and it's not a bad idea...
[15:08] Ago
    But I'm not sure about the name "Kabuki-kun."
[15:11] Ago
    Shouldn't we go with a
    fancier name and visual?
[15:14] Ago
    Like Kumamon.
[15:16] Gin
    Right.
[15:17] Gin
    How about this, then?
SIGN    Kaburimon
[15:20] Gin
    Kaburimon.
[15:21] 73
    That's advertising something totally different!
[15:24] Gin
    Isn't having something on top (kaburu)
    fancier than being circumcised?
[15:27] 73
    My ass!
[15:28] 73
    All you did was give
    Kabuki-kun an extra layer!
[15:31] Gin
    In that case...
[15:33] Gin
    Shall we try taking it all off?
SIGN    Kaburimon
[15:35] O
    Good morning!
[15:37] 73
    Why is there a guy inside Kaburimon
    with something else on his top?
[15:40] 73
    How'd he grow his hair back?
[15:41] Gin
    He didn't.
SIGN    Oh! Tokudana!
[15:42] 73
    He didn't, but it's there!
[15:44] 73
    He's makin' it look like he has!
[15:46] Gin
    Should we take that off as well?
[15:48] 73
    No need! No need to take it off!
[15:53] O
    Good morning!
SIGN    Kaburimon
[15:54] Gin
    Like this, there'll be a tiny
    Kaburimon inside Kaburimon.
[15:57] Gin
    And inside that tiny Kaburimon...
[15:59] O
    Good morning!
[16:02] O
    Good morning!
[16:03] 73
    What's this, a matryoshka doll?!
[16:03] O
    Good morning!
[16:05] Ago
    Well, it does look more like a
    local specialty product now...
[16:08] 73
    How so?!
[16:09] 73
    In the end, it's turned into
    Russia's local specialty!
[16:11] Ago
    But this part right here is too
    prim and proper for an SD mascot.
SIGN    Kaburimon
[16:14] Ago
    It looks so unnaturally good,
    it ends up feeling fake.
[16:18] 73
    Enough about Kaburimon already!
[16:20] Ago
    The appeal of SD mascots lies in the
    fact that they seem amateurish...
[16:24] Ago
    That they're not as refined as they could be.
[16:26] Ago
    Like, "we forcibly put a cute animal and our
    local specialty together" or something.
[16:30] Gin
    Yeah, I know what you mean.
[16:32] Ago
    Why don't we start with an
    animal and take it from there?
[16:36] Ago
    For example, something like this.
SIGN    Kabukat
[16:39] Ago
    We use a cat as the base and
    dress it like a cabaret girl.
[16:42] Gin
    Yeah, that could work.
[16:44] 73
    That chin's too long!
SIGN    Kabugiraffe
[16:46] Ago
    Or a giraffe dressed like a host.
[16:48] 73
    Seriously, that chin's too long!
SIGN    Inoki
[16:50] Ago
    Or a chin dressed like a pro wrestler.
[16:53] 73
    The only feature there is a long chin!
[16:55] 73
    What is wrong with your eyes?!
[16:57] 73
    Does everythin' look like
    it has long chins to you?!
[17:00] Ago
    What? Isn't this normal length?
[17:01] 73
    You have a weird standard for chins!
[17:03] 73
    The world doesn't revolve
    around chins, you know!
[17:06] Gin
    We could use this chin and put inside it...
[17:11] Ino
    One!
[17:12] Ino
    Two!
[17:14] Ino
    Three!
[17:27] 73
    Quit tryin' to solve everything
    with matryoshka dolls!
[17:30] Tae
    Listening to you all makes me think
[17:32] Tae
    we're restricting ourselves to
    the Kabuki District too much.
[17:35] Tae
    Let's forget about the Kabuki District
    for a bit and think more freely.
[17:40] Ina
    Baby!
[17:41] Tae
    On that note, let's go
    with Inaba-san from B'z!
[17:44] Ina
    Baby!
[17:45] 73
    That's thinking too freely!
[17:46] 73
    He has nothing to do with the Kabuki District!
[17:49] 73
    You just like him!
[17:50] Tae
    I'm sure he's visited the Kabuki
    District at least once.
[17:53] 73
    And you're okay with such
    a flimsy connection?!
[17:55] Gin
    Then in order to link Inaba
    to the Kabuki District,
[17:58] Gin
    let's start with his hot pants.
[18:01] 73
    Why'd Kuniko pop out of Inaba?!
[18:04] Gin
    Kuniko reminds me of...
[18:05] Kun
    Chin.
[18:06] 73
    Why'd this turn into Magical Banana?!
[18:09] Gin
    Chin reminds me of chin.
[18:13] Ago
    Chin reminds me of chin.
[18:17] Gin
    Chin reminds me of chin.
[18:21] Ago
    Chin reminds me of chin.
[18:24] 73
    You're staying on "chin" too long!
[18:26] Ago
    Chin reminds me of long.
[18:30] Gin
    Long reminds me of hair.
[18:32] O
    Good morning!
[18:33] Ago
    Hair reminds me of wig.
[18:35] O
    Good morning!
[18:36] Gin
    Wig reminds me of wig.
[18:38] O
    Good morning!
[18:38] Ago
    Wig reminds me of Zura.
[18:38] 73
    You ended up back at Kaburimon!
[18:40] O
    Good morning!
[18:41] 73
    Enough is enough!
[18:42] 73
    I'm done with this crap!
[18:44] 73
    We're outta here!
[18:46] Tae
    Then what would you suggest, Katsuo-san?
[18:49] 73
    What would I suggest?
[18:50] 73
    I've been against the local
    mascot thing all along.
[18:53] Tae
    What exactly don't you like about the idea?
[18:56] Tae
    I'd love to hear your thoughts.
[18:59] Tae
    Even if they're terribly harsh.
[19:02] Tae
    So please.
[19:06] 73
    Well, if I were to symbolize
    the Kabuki District's identity,
[19:10] 73
    I wouldn't limit it to just
    cabaret girls or hosts.
[19:14] 73
    There are cabaret girls,
[19:15] 73
    trannies,
[19:16] 73
    shady samurai,
[19:18] 73
    and gangsters.
[19:20] 73
    A chaotic mix of all those
    blacks and whites...
[19:23] 73
    That's what Kabuki District is all about.
[19:28] 73
    Long story short,
[19:29] 73
    you need to be more than just
    cute to cut it in this town.
[19:34] Tae
    Blacks and whites...
[19:38] 73
    Let's go.
[19:39] Tae
    Um, Katsuo-san!
[19:45] Tae
    Thank you.
[19:47] Tae
    Also, I'm glad to have learned
    that you truly love this town.
[19:53] Tae
    We'll definitely create a local
    mascot you'll approve of.
[20:03] G
    Bro, at first I thought that girl
    was nothing but a violent gorilla,
[20:08] G
    but she's really just doing
    her best to help this town...
[20:12] 73
    Shut it!
[20:16] 73
    I won't accept it.
[20:17] 73
    A girl like that?
[20:20] 73
    One of the Kabuki District's Four Devas?
[20:23] 73
    I'll never accept it.
[20:27] G
    Bro!
[20:29] G
    We got a delivery addressed to you.
[20:32] 73
    Who's it from?
SIGN    Kabuki District Association
[20:33] G
    The Kabuki District Association.
SIGN    With your help, we've managed to create a local mascot for the Kabuki District. Thank you so much. - Kabuki District Association P.S. We're returning the favor, seven for three. Seven went to Kabuki District, and the three is for you, Katsuo-san. Feel free to use them however you like.
[20:38] Tae
    With your help, we've managed to create
    a local mascot for the Kabuki District.
[20:42] Tae
    Thank you so much.
[20:45] 73
    This is stupid.
[20:47] 73
    But I guess I can accept that
    she truly loves the Kabuki District.
[20:53] 73
    You louts!
[20:54] 73
    Go sell these all over the Kabuki District!
[20:57] 73
    The Jirocho Family gets
    to keep all the revenue!
[20:59] G
    O-Okay!
[21:01] 73
    I wonder what those idiots ended up making.
[21:04] G
    This will earn us a fortune.
[21:07] G
    I've never seen such a cute mascot before.
[21:09] G
    Look!
[21:12] G
    It's called Burakkuma, apparently.
[21:13] 73
    I've totally seen that bear before!
[21:14] 73
    It's totally black market merch now!
[21:17] G
    What do you mean?
[21:18] G
    It makes for a perfect cell phone strap!
[21:20] 73
    No, that ain't the issue.
[21:22] 73
    This is a ripoff!
[21:23] C
    Excuse me.
[21:27] C
    We've received information that you're
    illegally selling Rilakumas here.
[21:31] 73
    That bitch!
[21:33] 73
    And you. What did you just hide there?
[21:37] Tae
    I'm sorry,
[21:38] Tae
    but I need the people defiling
    my Kabuki District to disappear.
[21:42] Tae
    You said it best, Katsuo-san.
[21:46] Tae
    You need to be more than just
    cute to cut it in this town.
[21:52] 73
    You'll pay for this,
[21:54] 73
    you damn bitch!
SIGN    Preview
[23:31] FT
    Would you like your fortune told?
SIGN    A shady fortuneteller calls out to Kyubei.
SIGN    Preview
[23:35] FT
    You people must face up to
    the sex you've been given.
SIGN    And then...
SIGN    9 + 1 = Yagyu Jyubei
[23:46] Gin
    Huh? What the hell?
SIGN    Huh? What the hell?
SIGN    Men into women? Women into men??
SIGN    Next week,
SIGN    the "Genderbend Arc" begins!

E275 - 9 + 1 = Yagyu Jyubei

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Between Man and Woman
SIGN    Kyubei's Request: Make sure to watch this program in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV!
[01:41] FT
    Hey, samurai.
[01:44] FT
    Would you like your fortune told?
[01:48] Kyu
    Sorry, I'm not interested.
[01:50] FT
    I cannot make any guarantees as
    to the accuracy of my fortunes,
[01:54] FT
    but I do have a keen eye for people,
[01:57] FT
    young lady.
[02:00] FT
    You cover yourself in the garb of men,
[02:04] FT
    but I can tell that your heart wavers.
[02:07] FT
    You are unsure whether you
    should live as a woman or a man.
[02:14] FT
    I see.
[02:15] FT
    To keep your family tradition going,
    you were raised as a boy,
[02:18] FT
    and you were unable to escape the role.
[02:21] Kyu
    Even so, I met good friends
    who accept me for who I am,
[02:26] Kyu
    became aware of the female that,
    without a doubt, resides in me,
[02:30] Kyu
    and gradually began to accept it,
[02:33] Kyu
    but the male habits ingrained in my body
    prevent me from taking the next step
[02:37] Kyu
    out of embarrassment.
[02:38] Kyu
    That, and my lingering feelings
    for a certain someone
[02:42] Kyu
    leave me still uncertain whether I wish to be
[02:45] Kyu
    a yuri character or a tomboy character.
[02:48] FT
    Then why don't you try becoming
    a man in both body and mind?
[02:52] Kyu
    I-Is that even...
[02:54] FT
    It is possible, yes.
[02:56] FT
    If you truly desire it,
[02:59] FT
    I can change this world for you.
[03:05] FT
    Modern society is full of docile
    men and proactive women,
[03:09] FT
    people who disregard their gender roles.
[03:13] FT
    You people must face up to
    the sex you've been given
[03:18] FT
    and understand the roles God assigned to you.
[03:22] FT
    To that end, maybe you should
    lose those roles once.
[03:27] Kyu
    Sorry to say this after you lent me an ear,
[03:28] Kyu
    but I'm not interested in joining your cult.
[03:33] FT
    Do you wish to become a man?
[03:36] Kyu
    Stop it!
[03:37] Kyu
    I'm not about to stoop to escapism!
[03:40] FT
    You wish to escape the reality
    that you are a woman.
[03:44] FT
    Is that correct?
[03:45] Kyu
    That's enough!
[03:47] Kyu
    If you can change
    the world, then do it.
[03:48] Kyu
    But don't stir up people's hearts with
    words you can't follow through on!
[03:52] FT
    That was a "yes," I take it?
[03:58] FT
    Now, behold.
[04:00] FT
    Our universal god, Lord Dekobokko,
    shall bring judgment down upon you!
[04:05] FT
    This town will be reborn,
[04:08] FT
    and you will have a new sex
    in that brand new world.
[04:11] FT
    I can hardly wait to see
    how you will live with it.
[04:27] G
    Are you okay?
[04:28] G
    What was that light just now?
[04:33] Jyu
    Hey.
[04:34] Jyu
    What just happened?
[04:37] Jyu
    What was with that fortune teller?
[04:40] Jyu
    Was that light just now her doing?
[04:42] Jyu
    It can't be.
[04:45] Jyu
    My body feels heavy.
[04:47] Jyu
    Is it my imagination,
    or have I gained weight?
[04:56] Jyu
    Oh, pardon me for staring.
[04:59] Jyu
    It's just, your clothes are
    so similar to mine...
[05:04] Jyu
    Wh-Why?
[05:05] Jyu
    Wh-Why can't I look up?
[05:08] Jyu
    It's not unheard of for people
    to wear similar outfits, right?
[05:11] Jyu
    But is it normal for even
    the eyepatch to be the same?
[05:14] Jyu
    Is it some kind of costume?
[05:15] Jyu
    Oh, he must be a cosplay party animal.
[05:19] Jyu
    B-But if I look up and see
    the party animal again...
[05:24] Jyu
    No, that's impossible.
[05:26] Jyu
    The very thought is preposterous.
[05:28] Jyu
    I'm not a man.
[05:29] Jyu
    And I'm not a woman, either.
[05:31] Jyu
    I'm...
[05:33] Jyu
    I'm Yagyu Kyu—
[05:40] Jyu
    I've become Jyubei.
[05:42] Jyu
    Kyubei's grown an unfamiliar extra rod!
[05:44] Jyu
    I've become Yagyu Jyubei!
SIGN    9 + 1 = Yagyu Jyubei
[05:52] Jyu
    N-No way.
[05:54] Jyu
    This can't be!
[05:57] Jyu
    I won't accept this!
[05:58] Jyu
    I won't accept such a thing!
[06:00] Jyu
    I...
[06:06] Gin
    What are you doing, bro?
[06:08] Gin
    You'll hurt yourself.
[06:09] Jyu
    I'm not a bro!
[06:10] Jyu
    I'm—
[06:15] Jyu
    F-Forgive me!
[06:17] Gin
    What?
[06:17] Gin
    Why are you apologizing for
    touching a man's chest?
[06:21] Jyu
    B-But it just went "boing"...
[06:24] Gin
    Boing?
[06:25] Gin
    Huh? What the hell?
[06:32] Jyu
    Don't tell me...
[06:33] Gin
    Are you...
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
SIGN    Toilet
[06:43] Jyu
    How'd it go?
[06:47] Gin
    It's been so long since I last saw one!
[06:48] Jyu
    That's the issue here?!
[06:50] Gin
    How did it come to this...
[06:52] Gin
    Er, you're Kyubei, right?
[06:55] Jyu
    Call me Jyubei now.
SIGN    Sugar Content
[06:58] Jyu
    As for you, would Ginko-san be all right?
[07:01] Gin
    Nah, call me Vagin—
[07:04] Jyu
    You saw that light, too, didn't you?
[07:07] Jyu
    That's probably the cause.
[07:11] Gin
    Y-You gotta be kidding me.
[07:13] Gin
    You're saying everyone who was
    exposed to that light swapped genders?
[07:18] Gin
    And this is happening all over
    the Kabuki District as we speak?
[07:21] Jyu
    Yes, unfortunately.
[07:22] Gin
    So, basically...
[07:25] Gin
    I should fondle these boobs
    while I still can, huh?
[07:27] Jyu
    Where did that come from?!
[07:29] Gin
    But, you know, dreams never go all the way.
[07:32] Gin
    They peter out just as you
    get to the good stuff.
[07:34] Jyu
    This is not a dream!
[07:35] Jyu
    It's reality!
[07:37] Kag
    Gin-chan!
[07:38] Gin
    Kagura!
[07:39] Jyu
    Was Kagura-chan exposed to that light, too?
[07:41] Kag
    Help!
[07:42] Kag
    Help me!
[07:43] Kag
    Make it go away!
[07:44] Kag
    It's over there!
[07:47] Gin
    Oh, it was just a roach?
    Don't scare me like that.
[07:51] Kag
    So creepy.
[07:55] Gin
    You're the creepy one here!
[07:57] Gin
    Before crying about roaches, take a
    good look at your roach of a face!
[08:01] Kag
    Oh, so you guys swapped genders, too.
[08:04] Gin
    Yours goes far beyond that!
[08:06] Gin
    There's no trace of the original
    you! What's with the eye scar?!
[08:09] Kag
    When I woke up from my nap and
    went to the restroom earlier,
[08:11] Kag
    I found something weird
    hanging from my crotch.
[08:14] Kag
    But don't worry. I got rid of it already.
[08:17] Kag
    I got it!
[08:18] Gin
    What the hell did you do?!
[08:19] Kag
    "Essence of my father, blood of my mother,
SIGN    Essence of my father,
    blood of my mother,
    I cannot throw this away.
[08:21] Kag
    I cannot throw this away!"
[08:23] Gin
    Who are you, Xiahou Dun?
[08:24] Gin
    Did you eat it like he ate his eyeball?
[08:26] Gin
    Also, getting rid of your
    balls hasn't solved anything!
[08:29] Gin
    Your face practically screams "I have a pair"!
[08:33] Kag
    Such is war.
[08:35] Kag
    Even if you render the enemy
    general impotent and win,
[08:37] Kag
    only sorrow will remain in
    the hearts of the populace.
[08:39] Gin
    She hasn't turned into a "he"
    so much as a "hero."
SIGN    He
SIGN    Hero
[08:43] Jyu
    She was affected even though
    she was napping at home?
[08:46] Jyu
    Anyway, we should keep people
    away from the Kabuki District.
[08:48] Jyu
    Contact Shinpachi-kun.
[08:50] Kag
    Leave that mission to me.
[08:53] Kag
    Let's go, Sekitobaharu!
[08:57] Gin
    Hold it right there!
SIGN    Sekitobaharu
    (Red Hare-haru)
[08:59] Gin
    What do you mean, Sekitobaharu?!
[09:02] Gin
    Is that Sadaharu?!
[09:04] Gin
    Forget genders, he's swapped species!
[09:07] Gin
    Why has he been made accomplice
    to your military style?!
[09:10] Shin
    I'm back.
[09:12] Shin
    Did you see that light before, Gin-san?
[09:14] Shin
    The entire town's in an uproar.
[09:17] Jyu
    Oh, no.
[09:18] Gin
    Were we too late?
[09:20] Shin
    Who are you people?
[09:22] Shin
    Don't just barge into other people's houses!
[09:26] Gin
    Shinpachi!
[09:26] Jyu
    Shinpachi-kun!
[09:29] Jyu
    We were too late!
[09:30] Gin
    Damn it all!
[09:32] Gin
    How could this be?!
[09:33] Gin
    Shinpachi's...
[09:34] Gin
    Shinpachi's frame turned pink!
[09:38] Gin
    He's become so feminine!
[09:41] Shin
    Uh, that's not Shinpachi.
[09:42] Kag
    Curse you, Zhuge Liang!
[09:44] Shin
    Uh, he has nothing to do with this.
[09:45] Jyu
    How am I supposed to tell Tae-chan?
[09:48] Shin
    I don't know what's going on, but I
    do know that you guys piss me off.
[09:52] Jyu
    The whole town is in chaos.
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[09:55] Jyu
    It seems like there were more
    casualties than we thought.
[10:00] (Flashback) FT
    If you truly desire it,
[10:03] (Flashback) FT
    I can change this world for you.
[10:07] Jyu
    It might be my fault.
[10:10] Jyu
    This whole situation might be my doing.
[10:18] PA
    Emergency alert.
[10:21] PA
    The Kabuki District has been
    placed under martial law.
[10:27] PA
    People in the vicinity are to follow
    the government officials' instructions
[10:30] PA
    and leave the area as quickly as possible.
[10:34] PA
    All those in the district
    are to wait for orders.
[10:37] PA
    Do not leave, under any circumstances.
[10:52] W
    Hey! Let us outta here!
[10:55] G
    I don't want to stay in an old man's body!
[10:59] Gin
    Every way out's been blocked off completely.
[11:02] Gin
    Guess we're trapped in
    here with these bodies.
SIGN    Yagyu Kyubei (M)
[11:07] Jyu
    Is the government trying to
    keep the damage from spreading
[11:11] Jyu
    by putting us under quarantine?
SIGN    Sakata Gintoki (F)
[11:13] Gin
    Nah, they might just be trying to
    literally cover up this problem.
SIGN    Sekitobaharu (F) Kagura (M)
[11:17] Kag
    Is it that cursed Zhuge Liang's trap?!
SIGN    Pink Glasses
[11:20] Shin
    Why am I the clearly the odd one out?!
[11:22] Shin
    Why did only my glasses get a makeover?!
[11:24] Shin
    Also, are you guys really Gin-san and gang?
[11:27] Gin
    Give it a rest. I told
    you that I'm now Vagin—
[11:30] Jyu
    Call us Ginko-san and Jyubei.
[11:32] Shin
    But how am I supposed to believe you?
[11:35] Shin
    This can't be Kagura-chan.
[11:37] Kag
    I'm not Kagura-chan.
SIGN    Kagura Dun
[11:39] Kag
    Call me Kagura Dun, whelp!
[11:40] Shin
    Who the hell is Kagura Dun?!
[11:42] Shin
    That's not even the same character anymore!
[11:45] Shin
    Wh-What's that?
[11:47] FTAB
    People of Earth.
[11:49] FTAB
    Have you graciously accepted
    your gift from God?
[11:53] Jyu
    That's...
[11:54] AB
    What has happened to your
    bodies is an undeniable fact.
[12:00] AB
    It is a trial that God has bestowed upon you.
[12:03] AB
    Until now, you people have
    been neglecting your genders.
[12:09] AB
    Frail men who escape to anime and
    games out of a fear of getting hurt.
[12:15] AB
    Haughty women who lord over men
    under the pretext of gender equality.
[12:20] AB
    Lord Dekobokko is most
    saddened and angered by this.
[12:25] AB
    If you are so discontent with
    the sex you have been granted,
[12:29] AB
    then he feels you should swap them and
    try living a new life with a new sex.
[12:35] AB
    Should you Earth people adopt
    Dekobokkoism as your state religion
[12:39] AB
    and exhibit the will to remain
    faithful to your genders,
[12:42] AB
    God will forgive all your sins
    and turn you back to normal.
[12:48] AB
    But if you continue to defy his teachings,
[12:52] AB
    then his light of judgment shall fall
[12:55] AB
    not only on the Kabuki District,
    but on this entire planet.
[13:00] AB
    Do not forget. We are always watching you.
[13:08] W
    What was that just now?
[13:10] G
    What's the meaning of this?
[13:12] Gin
    Enough with the jokes already.
[13:15] Gin
    Lord Dekobokko?
[13:16] Gin
    I can't go back to normal
    unless I act feminine?
[13:18] Gin
    Who in their right mind
    would believe that crap?
[13:22] Gin
    That aside, Pachie,
[13:23] Gin
    wanna hit up the photo booth at the arcade?
[13:25] Shin
    You clearly believe it!
[13:27] Shin
    Who do you think you are,
    a high school girl?!
[13:29] Gin
    Quit being so wary, Pachie.
[13:31] Gin
    It's 'cause you're so uptight
    that you can't get a boyfriend.
[13:34] Shin
    I don't want a boyfriend!
[13:35] Shin
    And I'm not Pachie!
[13:37] Gin
    You got it all wrong, girl.
[13:39] Gin
    Apparently there's this hot
    new photo booth where
[13:41] Gin
    you can take pictures with a
    total cutie-patootie mascot.
SIGN    1,000 yen a pop
SIGN    1,000 yen a pop
[13:46] Kag
    Welcome!
[13:47] Kag
    Right now, you have the chance to take
    pictures with me, Lord Dekobokko.
[13:50] Kag
    Gosh, you are such a cutie pie!
[13:52] Shin
    Don't collaborate with the
    zealots to make money!
[13:55] Kag
    In these chaotic times,
[13:57] Kag
    people don't have the strength to
    live without a pillar of faith.
[14:02] Kag
    'Tis also a lord's duty to accept
    the weakness of his people.
[14:05] Shin
    Nobody's gonna accept how
    weak your brains are!
[14:08] W
    It's Lord Dekobokko!
[14:10] W
    If you take a picture with him,
    you can go back to normal!
[14:12] G
    Let me take one too, Lord Dekobokko!
[14:15] Jyu
    Calm down, everyone!
[14:16] Shin
    This is basically a riot!
[14:18] W
    Out of the way! I'm going first!
[14:20] G
    No, I am!
[14:22] Tae
    Um, could you let me through?
[14:25] G
    You're in the way!
[14:33] Jyu
    Didn't you hear me telling you to calm down?
[14:38] Jyu
    Are you all right, miss?
[14:40] Jyu
    You're not hurt, are you?
[14:41] Tae
    I-I'm fine.
[14:44] Tae
    Thank you for saving m—
[14:51] Jyu
    T-Tae-chan?
[14:53] Tae
    Are you...
[14:55] Tae
    Kyu-chan?
[14:58] Shin
    I can't believe you were in
    the Kabuki District too, Sis.
[15:01] Shin
    But then, why is your body unchanged?
[15:05] Gin
    You're being rude, Pachie.
[15:07] Gin
    Look at her chest.
    It's as flat as Sekigahara.
[15:09] Gin
    It's been razed to the grou—
[15:11] Tae
    I hate to break it to you, but
    I only came here after the fact.
[15:16] Tae
    The uproar on TV got me worried,
    so I decided to check on Odd Jobs,
[15:20] Tae
    but I got locked in here instead.
[15:23] Tae
    Now I find Gin-san with this massive rack.
[15:27] Tae
    Good for you.
[15:29] Tae
    You can fondle them to your heart's content.
[15:30] Gin
    O-Ow! You're gonna rip my boob off!
[15:33] Tae
    And speaking of surprises,
[15:36] Tae
    I find this fabulous man,
[15:39] Tae
    and it turned out to be Kyu-chan.
[15:42] Shin
    Sis, now is not the time for that.
[15:45] Jyu
    I-I'm not Kyubei, but Jyubei, her brother.
[15:48] Jyu
    I'm currently looking for a girlfriend.
[15:49] Shin
    Quit trying to take advantage of this crisis!
[15:52] Gin
    Is this seriously your type of guy, Otae?
[15:54] Gin
    Jyubei's cute and all, but doesn't he
    seem like a total De Astini type?
[15:59] Gin**
    Like the publisher, he'll be nice until
    you start a relationship, but then...
[16:01] Shin
    And you, quit ignoring the crisis for
    a session of high school girls' talk!
[16:04] Kag
    No, while it's true that De Astini serialized
    the Records of the Three Kingdoms...
[16:09] Shin**
    Nobody was talking about you!
[16:11] Shin
    Have you heard of Dekobokkoism?
[16:14] Shin
    It's an extremist religious cult that's
    on all the interspace wanted lists.
[16:18] Shin
    The core members are all hermaphrodites,
[16:21] Shin
    or people who are both male and female.
[16:24] Shin
    As such, they've adopted a very
    strict doctrine about gender.
[16:29] Shin
    Men must be manly, and women feminine,
    or they'll be subject to divine punishment.
[16:34] Shin
    I'd heard they'd been propagating
    such beliefs on various planets,
[16:38] Shin
    but I never knew it'd be like this.
[16:40] Shin
    I have no idea how they did it,
[16:42] Shin
    but unless we do something about them,
[16:43] Shin
    none of us will go back to normal.
[16:46] Gin
    That's easier said that done.
[16:48] Gin
    Not only do have no clue where they are,
     but we can't leave this town, either.
[16:52] Tae
    Also, they said they're always watching us,
[16:55] Tae
    so they must have a wide
    surveillance network.
[16:58] Tae
    If we do anything stupid,
    we'll put all of Earth in danger.
[17:02] Gin
    That's right!
[17:04] Gin
    They've taken the Earth and my pair hostage.
[17:06] Gin
    Three balls in total!
[17:07] Shin
    What do we do, then?
[17:09] Gin
    Well, let the government handle
    the state religion mess.
[17:13] Gin
    The more pressing matter we face now is...
[17:16] Gin
    How to pee!
[17:17] Shin
    Who cares?!
[17:19] Gin
    I do!
[17:20] Gin
    We don't know where and how
    they could be watching us.
[17:23] Gin
    So until things get fixed,
    I gotta act feminine!
[17:27] Gin
    And provided I learn the
    right way to pee now,
[17:28] Gin
    even if I find someone peeing
    wrong while I'm peeing,
[17:31] Gin
    I can teach them the right way to pee—
[17:33] Shin
    Enough!
[17:34] Shin
    How many times are you
    gonna say the word pee?!
[17:35] Gin
    I'll cut to the chase.
[17:37] Gin
    How do I take a leak the feminine way?
[17:39] Jyu
    H-How? J-Just do it normally.
[17:43] Gin
    What's that supposed to mean?
[17:44] Gin
    Do you know how to take a manly leak?
[17:47] Jyu
    There's nothing manly or
    feminine in using the toilet!
[17:50] Jyu
    I'm telling you to do it normally.
[17:52] Gin
    And I'm telling you I
    don't get what's normal.
[17:55] Gin
    Do you mean something like this?
[17:57] Tae
    Excuse us.
[17:58] Tae
    We need to visit the washroom.
[18:01] Gin
    Say, Otae.
[18:03] Gin
    Who are you gunning for?
[18:05] Gin
    For starters, that lame four-eyes
    is out of the question, right?
[18:08] Gin
    I mean, pink glasses? Seriously?
[18:10] Shin
    Who cares about that part?!
[18:12] Shin
    Why are you playing a scene
    right out of a mixer?!
[18:14] Kyu
    Hold it!
[18:16] Kyu
    Why are you trying to stroll into
    the women's toilet with Tae-chan?
[18:19] Gin
    What else can I do? I am a woman right now!
[18:21] Gin
    And this way, I can ask her how to do it!
[18:23] Shin
    What kind of perverted things
    are you trying to make Sis do?!
[18:26] Shin
    It'd paint a horrible picture!
[18:28] Kag
    Oh, all right.
[18:30] Kag
    I'll teach you.
[18:31] Shin
    That'd paint an even worse picture!
[18:33] ???
    Um, if you'd like...
[18:36] ???
    I can teach you.
[18:40] ???
    Formerly men, now women.
[18:43] ???
    It shouldn't be a problem when
    we're both in the same boat, right?
[18:46] Shin
    Huh? You were a man, too?
[18:48] Shin
    I-I can't believe it.
[18:50] ???
    At times like these, we need
    to help each other out.
[18:54] ???
    At first, I had no idea what to do either,
[18:57] ???
    but it's easy once you get used to it.
[18:59] Gin
    She may have formerly been a man,
[19:01] Gin
    but should I really be making
    such a sexy lady do this?
[19:05] Gin
    It's fine. It's out of my hands.
[19:07] Gin
    Besides, this is Gintama!
[19:09] ???
    I just did it normally over there.
[19:13] Gin
    Uh, sorry.
[19:15] Gin
    Small, not big.
[19:17] ???
    Small?
[19:18] ???
    I was pretty pent-up, so I'd say
    it was a pretty big one myself.
[19:22] Gin
    That's not what I meant.
[19:24] Gin
    But before all that, isn't
    that outdoor defecation?
[19:27] ???
    More like an out-of-the-box du—
[19:28] Gin
    It's outdoor defecation, isn't it?
[19:30] ???
    I didn't know whether to use the
    men's or the women's toilet,
[19:34] ???
    so I took a freedom du—
[19:35] Gin
    No matter how much you deny it,
    it's outdoor defecation, isn't it?
[19:38] ???
    Forgive me.
[19:40] ???
    I was following someone, so I didn't
    have time to look for a toilet.
[19:43] ???
    Oh, despite how I look, I'm a policeman.
[19:48] ???
    Though it wasn't a criminal I was following,
[19:51] ???
    but Otae-san.
SIGN    Kondo Isao (F)
[19:54] Gin
    So it was outdoor defecation.
[19:56] Tae
    What the hell do you think you're doing?!
[20:01] Tae
    How'd a gorilla turn into
    a Takarazuka Revue beauty?
[20:04] Tae
    Why does he have these huge knockers?!
[20:09] Kon
    Ow! You're gonna rip my boob off!
[20:12] Shin
    Is that seriously Kondo-san?
[20:15] Kon
    Forgive me, Otae-san.
[20:16] Kon
    I didn't want you to see me like this,
[20:20] Kon
    but when I saw you in trouble,
    I just couldn't leave you alone.
[20:23] Kon
    The thing is, I...
[20:25] Kon
    Frankly, I'm sexier than you—
[20:28] PA
    Heretics spotted.
[20:30] Gin
    Hey! We really were being watched!
[20:33] Gin
    What was the problem?
[20:35] Gin
    The outdoor defecation? Otae?
[20:36] Gin
    There's so many things it could be,
    I can't tell which one it is!
[20:39] Shin
    Anyway, we need to run away!
[20:40] C
    Capture the heretics.
[20:44] C
    Capture the heretics.
[20:47] Shin
    Oh, no. We're surrounded.
[20:49] Gin
    Hey, cop! Do something about this!
[20:52] Kon
    D-Don't worry.
[20:54] Kon
    Th-The government hasn't abandoned this town.
[20:57] Kon
    I didn't come here just to follow Otae-san.
[21:01] Kon
    I infiltrated this place in order to guide
[21:03] Kon
    the special new unit that has
    the mission of saving the town!
[21:09] Oki
    Let's go, you louts.
SIGN    Okita Sogo (F)
[21:13] Oki
    Cunsengumi, move out.
SIGN    Shinsengumi (F)
[21:17] Shin
    It's just a group of
    gender-swapped special idiots!
[21:20] Shin
    What the hell are you doing?
    Aren't you supposed to be cops?!
[21:24] Tae
    Hey, what is with all of you?
[21:27] Tae
    Are you messing with me?!
[21:29] Oki
    Over there, boss lady!
    The enemy's over there!
[21:32] Tae
    Well, your breasts are my enemies!
[21:36] Oki
    This is bad, Hijikata-san!
[21:37] Oki
    There's an unexpected enemy!
[21:38] Oki
    She's gonna take us out, Hijikata-san!
[21:42] Hij
    How stupid.
[21:44] Hij
    I'd love to give these annoying
    lumps away if I could.
SIGN    Hijikata Toshiro (F)
[21:54] Tae
    Thank you.
[21:55] Hij
    What the hell's that supposed to mean?!
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Preview
[23:31] Hij
    Why am I the only one who looks like this?
[23:34] Oki
    It's all the mayonnaise
    calories you accumulated.
[23:37] ???
    Sheesh. I'm fed up with the men of this town.
[23:40] ???
    Begone, you pigs.
[23:42] Gin
    Next Episode: "Calories Come Back to Bite
    You Just When You've Forgotten About Them."
SIGN    Calories Come Back to Bite You Just
    When You've Forgotten About Them
[23:45] Jyu
    Why am I feeling joy in this situation?
SIGN    Preview
SIGN    With all the changed, unchanged,
SIGN    and slightly changed people,
SIGN    you'd think there'd be chaos on the scene,
SIGN    but everyone seems surprisingly into it.

E276 - Calories Come Back to Bite You Just When You've Forgotten About Them

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Ginko's Request: Watch this program in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV, 'kay?
[01:30] Shin
    Lost as to whether to live
    as a woman or as a man,
[01:34] Shin
    Kyubei-san met a shady fortune
    teller who turned her into a man!
[01:41] Shin
    What's more, that phenomenon affected
    all of the Kabuki District.
[01:45] Shin
    It turned Gin-san into this,
SIGN    He
[01:47] Shin
    Kagura-chan into this,
SIGN    Hero
[01:49] Shin
    and I, Shimura Shinpachi,
    ended up looking like this.
SIGN    Pink Glasses
[01:51] Shin
    Wait, why?!
[01:54] Shin
    The culprits were the extremist
    religious cult of Dekobokkoism,
[01:57] Shin
    who declared that those who didn't
    remain faithful to their new gender
[02:00] Shin
    would be subject to divine punishment,
[02:02] Shin
    and tried to force us to adopt
    their beliefs as our state religion.
[02:06] Shin
    Because of the now-pointlessly-pretty
    Takarazuka Revue gorilla,
[02:09] Shin
    we ended up catching their attention
[02:11] Shin
    and getting surrounded.
[02:13] Shin
    That's when the Shinsengumi-
    turned-Cunsengumi showed up.
[02:16] Shin
    As you might expect, Okita-san
    was a top-class beauty,
SIGN    Okita Sogo (F)
[02:19] Shin
    but Hijikata-san...
SIGN    Hijikata Toshiro (F)
SIGN    Calories Come Back to Bite You Just
    When You've Forgotten About Them
[02:36] D
    What's with these people?
[02:39] D
    Don't tell me
[02:40] D
    the government's lapdogs
    have snuck into this town.
SIGN    Shinsengumi (F)
[02:44] Gin
    Huh? Are those dogs, Pachie?
[02:47] Gin
    One of them looks like a pig to me.
[02:49] Gin
    Looks like Tokyo X.
[02:51] Shin
    What on Earth is Tokyo X?
[02:53] Gin
    A branded breed of pig from Tokyo.
SIGN    Farm
[02:56] Shin
    No, that's not a pig! It's a demon!
[02:58] Shin
    It's Hijikata Toshiro-san,
    the demonic vice chief!
SIGN    Hijikata Toshiro (F)
[03:02] Gin
    You mean Tokyo-X-Shiro-san, right?
SIGN    Tokyo-X-Shiro (F)
[03:05] Hij
    Who are you calling X-Shiro?!
[03:06] Oki
    Calm down, Tenshiro-san.
[03:09] Hij
    What do you mean, Tenshiro?!
[03:10] Hij
    Why'd it become a Roman numeral?!
[03:12] Oki
    Give her a break, boss.
[03:15] Oki
    The moment Tenshiro-san became a woman,
[03:18] Oki
    all of the mayonnaise calories he'd
    accumulated came bursting out,
[03:22] Oki
    leaving him in this state.
[03:23] Hij
    As if turning into a woman wasn't bad enough!
[03:26] Hij
    Why am I the only one who looks like this?!
[03:27] Kon
    Don't worry, Tenko.
[03:29] Kon
    We're all in the same situation.
[03:31] Kon
    All of the gorilla I'd accumulated
    came bursting out, too.
[03:35] Kon
    Despite how I look, my ass
    hair is running rampant.
SIGN    Kondo Isao (F)
[03:37] Hij
    What the hell is "accumulated gorilla"?!
[03:39] Hij
    What are you saying with that pretty face?!
[03:41] Oki
    That's right, Tenko.
[03:42] Oki
    All girls put in a lot of
    effort behind the scenes.
SIGN    Okita Sogo (F)
[03:45] Oki
    If you wanna go on a diet, we'll join you.
[03:47] Oki
    All right, guys.
[03:49] Oki
    We're having barbecued pork today.
[03:51] Hij
    All of your accumulated
    sadism is bursting out!
[03:53] S
    Gosh, I haven't had barbecue in so long!
[03:56] S
    I might end up overeating.
[03:58] S
    But we have to make sure
    we don't get bad breath.
[04:00] Shin
    Hey!
[04:01] Shin
    What are you doing, you
    bunch of drag queens?!
[04:02] Shin
    Is this really the time for that?!
[04:05] D
    If you intend to stand in our way,
[04:08] D
    we will eliminate you
    along with the heretics.
[04:11] Kon
    Unfortunately, you're the
    heretics in our eyes.
[04:16] Kon
    We won't let you have your
    way in this town any longer!
[04:23] Kon
    You...
[04:24] Kon
    ...damn heretics!
[04:28] Kon
    No need to worry, Dekobokkoists.
[04:31] Kon
    If anyone dares to defy Lord Dekobokko,
[04:33] Kon
    we, the Cunsengumi, shall throw them in jail!
[04:39] Shin
    Don't tell me, you guys...
[04:41] Oki
    Sorry, but we came to protect
    this town from heretics like you.
[04:46] Oki
    The government's already making moves to
    adopt Dekobokkoism as the state religion.
[04:51] Shin
    N-No way!
[04:52] Oki
    So basically, we were sent here to crack down
    on heretics who defy the state religion.
[04:59] Kon
    If you can't understand how
    wonderful those teachings are,
[05:02] Kon
    I feel so sorry for you.
[05:04] Kon
    Until things are settled,
[05:06] Kon
    we'll take care of the heretics.
[05:09] Kon
    Could you leave things to us?
[05:12] D
    I see, comrades.
[05:16] D
    A wonderful mindset.
[05:17] D
    I'm sure Lord Dekobokko is smiling
    down on you from the heavens.
[05:23] D
    Let us work together to correct this
    planet's erratic gender roles.
SIGN    Authenticating
SIGN    Unlocked
[05:49] M
    Hacking complete.
[05:52] M
    Now the surveillance cameras in this
    area shouldn't pose a problem.
[05:55] Kon
    Good.
[05:56] Gin
    What's going on here?
[05:58] Kon
    It's as you see.
[05:59] Kon
    They've taken over all the
    surveillance cameras in this town.
[06:03] Kon
    Try anything funny like you did earlier,
[06:05] Kon
    and they'll come after you immediately.
[06:08] Kon
    If we'd gotten into a big fight back there,
[06:10] Kon
    all of Earth would've ended
    up like the Kabuki District.
[06:14] Gin
    What's your point?
[06:16] Oki
    If you keep up your moronic acts,
    we won't be able to cover for you.
[06:21] Gin
    Just so we're clear, what
    happened back there was
[06:24] Gin
    because your moronic chief
    defecated outdoors—
[06:26] Kon
    It wasn't outdoor defecation!
    It was a freedom fly-away du—
[06:28] Gin
    It was outdoor defecation, wasn't it?
[06:30] Jyu
    Were you people tailing that
    cult before all this happened?
[06:34] Hij
    We received intel that a religious
    group on the interspace wanted lists
[06:38] Hij
    was planning to make contact with Earth.
[06:41] Hij
    While we managed to figure out that
    they'd set up base in this town,
[06:45] Hij
    we didn't expect them to use
    "God" this early in the game.
[06:49] Hij
    That's why we ended up in this mess, too.
[06:52] Jyu
    "God"?
[06:53] Hij
    There's a satellite orbiting
    Earth way up in space.
[06:58] Hij
    That's what the "God" they worship really is.
[07:02] Hij
    To further their doctrine, the
    Dekobokkoists were researching
[07:05] Hij
    a drug that could manipulate the
    human body's hormone balance.
[07:09] Hij
    In other words, a drug that could make
    men more manly, and women more feminine.
[07:16] Hij
    But they ended up creating something
    unexpected in the process:
[07:19] Hij
    the virus that's infecting us right now.
[07:23] Jyu
    A drug that turns humans into pigs?!
[07:25] Hij
    That's not what I said!
[07:27] Hij
    Their radical missionary work bordering
    on terrorism began only after that.
[07:32] Hij
    Indeed.
[07:34] Hij
    That light was no divine judgment.
[07:37] Hij
    It was a hormone-reversing virus
    fired by an attack satellite.
[07:43] Hij
    In the end, this mess was entirely
    the doing of filthy humans.
[07:47] Jyu
    But why would they turn you into
    a filthy pig, of all things?
[07:50] Hij
    Who are you calling a filthy pig?
[07:53] Hij
    The bakufu has quarantined this town,
[07:56] Hij
    but the virus itself doesn't
    last long in the air.
[07:59] Hij
    What's more, it's basically
    not contagious at all.
[08:02] Jyu
    So Tae-chan won't get infected
    and turn into Shimura Tae-X?
[08:08] Jyu
    That's a relief.
[08:09] Tae
    Jyubei-san,
[08:11] Tae
    thanks for your concern.
[08:14] Hij
    The question is how to stop that satellite
[08:16] Hij
    and get our hands on the vaccine
    to return our bodies to normal.
[08:20] Hij
    It's unlikely we can stop the satellite, though.
[08:23] Hij
    Apparently it has a system where
[08:25] Hij
    it'll automatically fire the virus at Earth
    the moment it detects any irregularities.
[08:31] Hij
    There's nothing we can do.
[08:34] Gin
    So you're saying we have to strike
    the cult directly to fix things?
[08:40] Jyu
    And we're the only ones who can
    do that? With these bodies?
[08:44] Hij
    Yeah.
[08:45] Hij
    We have to slip through their
    surveillance, find their base,
[08:49] Hij
    and take them all out before they
    press the switch of destruction.
[08:53] Hij
    If it's even possible to
    pull such a stunt, that is.
[08:56] Shin
    No way! That's impossib—
[08:57] Kag
    Oh, it is possible.
[08:59] Kag
    No matter how powerful Wei may be,
[09:01] Kag
    if Wu and Shu work together,
SIGN    Wei
SIGN    Wu Shu
[09:03] Kag
    they can definitely hold them off!
SIGN    Battle of Red Cliffs
[09:05] Kag
    It's the Battle of Red Cliffs!
[09:06] Kag
    Let us take down Cao Cao together!
[09:08] Shin
    What in the world are you
    even fighting against?!
[09:10] Shin
    Also, aren't you supposed
    to be in Cao Cao's camp?!
[09:13] Gin
    Well, if it's a way to return my
    body to normal, I'll take it.
[09:16] Gin
    I'd even take a pig's help right now.
[09:19] Hij
    The hell's that supposed to mean?
[09:20] Oki
    Oh, all right.
[09:21] Oki
    But if you prove useless,
    we'll leave you behind.
[09:23] Oki
    You'd better not drag your piggy feet.
[09:26] Hij
    Can't you damn sadists talk without
    adding "pig" to everything?!
[09:30] Kon
    All right!
[09:30] Kon
    From here on, we're comrades-in-arms!
[09:33] Kon
    To celebrate our alliance...
[09:35] Kon
    Prepare a pig roast!
[09:37] Kon
    Let's share the Oath of the Pig Garden!
SIGN    Oath of the Pig Garden
[09:38] Hij
    We're back to this?!
[09:51] Hij
    First, we have to take care of the
    surveillance set up all over the place.
[09:56] Hij
    As it stands, we can't make any moves.
[09:58] Hij
    We'll go around connecting
    this to every camera we find.
[10:02] Hij
    It'll hack into the camera and start
    looping a previously recorded video.
[10:08] Hij
    Listen up.
[10:09] Hij
    If they notice us, everything will be ruined.
[10:12] Hij
    Be as natural as possible,
[10:13] Hij
    try your best not to defy their teachings,
[10:16] Hij
    and act feminine.
[10:22] Hij
    Let's go, girls.
[10:26] Hij
    Hey! Soko, Ginko!
[10:29] Hij
    Why don't we hit up a cafe
    for some mayo bowl—
[10:32] Gin
    There are no girls like that.
[10:35] Hij
    Wh-What was that for, Ginko?
[10:38] Hij
    That retort was too violent.
    Aren't you a girl?
[10:40] Gin
    Sorry, Tenko!
[10:41] Gin
    But it was your fault for talking about mayo
    bowls after you said you'd go on a diet!
[10:45] Hij
    R-Right.
[10:47] Hij
    Girls diet all year round, don't they?
[10:49] Gin
    Yeah!
[10:50] Gin
    You always go off to take in more calories
    the moment your mind wanders.
[10:54] Gin
    Come, let's enjoy this Uji Gintoki bowl togeth—
[10:56] Hij
    There are no girls like that, either.
[10:59] Gin
    What was that for, Tenko?
[11:01] Gin
    Don't you know that all girls love sweets?
[11:04] Hij
    That's no sweet! It's a sweet monster!
[11:06] Hij
    A calorie monster!
[11:08] Gin
    You're the calorie monster here!
[11:10] Gin
    As you can see, I have a nice body,
[11:12] Gin
    so I don't need a diet.
[11:14] Hij
    You? A nice body?
[11:16] Hij
    Don't make me laugh.
[11:18] Hij
    A nice body is a glamorous one with
    a bit of meat on the bone, Ginko.
[11:22] Gin
    Yours is grotesque if anything, Tenko.
[11:24] Hij
    Don't get too cocky just because you're slim.
[11:27] Hij
    Mark my words, I'll be cuter
    than you when I lose weight.
[11:30] Gin
    Please. My Ginko's definitely cuter,
[11:33] Gin
    has bigger boobs, and is willing
    to do all kinds of perverted stuff.
[11:36] Hij
    If I were a guy, I'd stay far
    away from a bitch like you.
[11:40] Hij
    I'd definitely go for Tenko!
[11:42] Gin
    Okay, fine, you asshole!
[11:43] Gin
    Wanna compete and see who's
    more popular with the guys?
[11:46] Hij
    Bring it!
[11:47] Hij
    Let's settle this by picking up guys!
[11:50] Ymz
    Hey! What do you think you're doing?!
[11:53] Ymz
    What did they even come here to do?
    They've got their priorities all mixed up!
SIGN    Yamazaki Sagaru (F)
[11:57] Ymz
    Soko-san, you should tell them off!
[11:59] Oki
    Sheesh. They have no clue
    what femininity is all about.
[12:03] Oki
    Girls these days are all like...
[12:06] Oki
    Hey, mister!
[12:07] Oki
    Wanna have fun with an HS girl?
[12:09] Ymz
    What femininity? You've just
    degraded into a huge slut!
[12:12] Oki
    Hey, you've got loads of money, right?
[12:17] Kag
    Sorry,
[12:19] Kag
    but I'm an HS girl, too.
[12:21] Ymz
    What kind of HS girl is that?!
[12:22] Kag
    Hopelessly Skint.
[12:23] Ymz
    That wasn't funny!
[12:27] Tae
    I hope Ginko-san and the others
    are handling this all right.
[12:30] Jyu
    The Shinsengumi are with them.
    I'm sure they'll be fine.
[12:34] Tae
    It's the Shinsengumi I'm worried about, though.
[12:37] Tae
    Anyway, acting feminine to pretend
    they're following the teachings?
[12:41] Tae
    This might be inappropriate,
    but I could learn a lot from this.
[12:44] Tae
    I usually never think
    about that kind of stuff.
[12:48] Jyu
    T-Tae-chan,
[12:49] Jyu
    you're fine as you are.
[12:52] Jyu
    You're plenty feminine already.
[12:55] Jyu
    There's no need for you to change,
[12:57] Jyu
    and I don't want you to, either.
[12:59] Tae
    Th-Thank you.
[13:02] Tae
    Gosh, this is throwing me off a bit...
[13:06] Tae
    I know it's you, Kyu-chan,
[13:08] Tae
    but it feels like I'm
    talking to some other man.
[13:14] Tae
    I-I'm sorry.
[13:16] Tae
    Oh, there's a surveillance camera there!
[13:18] Tae
    I'll go take care of it!
[13:20] Jyu
    Tae-chan!
[13:22] Jyu
    You don't have to do anything!
[13:27] Jyu
    Wait, Tae-chan!
[13:39] Jyu
    Are they gone?
[13:42] Jyu
    T-Tae-chan?
[13:44] Jyu
    I-I'm sorry!
[13:45] Tae
    N-No...
[13:46] Tae
    I-I'm s-s-s-sorry, t-too...
[13:50] Tae
    I-I p-panicked and m-messed up...
[13:54] Tae
    Oh, there is a camera over there, too...
[13:57] Jyu
    Tae-chan!
[14:01] Jyu
    Th-This is fine.
[14:07] Jyu
    Th-This way...
[14:09] Jyu
    I-If we pretend to be l-lovers,
[14:13] Jyu
    w-we won't draw any suspicion.
[14:17] Jyu
    What on Earth am I saying?
[14:20] Jyu
    What in the world am I doing?
[14:23] Jyu
    I was the one who triggered this mess.
[14:28] Jyu
    Cleaning it up is my duty and responsibility.
[14:33] Jyu
    So why is this situation—
[14:36] Jyu
    Why is being a man
[14:37] Jyu
    making me feel a tiny bit of joy?
[14:39] Jyu
    I know that this isn't the time or place.
[14:42] Jyu
    However, I can avert my eyes no longer!
[14:56] Jyu
    I mean,
[14:57] Jyu
    as a man, I'm free to date Tae-chan!
[15:04] Shin
    Lovers?
[15:05] Kon
    That might be a good idea.
[15:07] Shin
    But...
[15:09] Shin
    Wouldn't siblings pretending to
    be lovers start some weird rumors?
[15:14] Shin
    What do you think, Kondo-san?
[15:16] Kon
    Oh, dear.
[15:17] Kon
    But I might not mind being the subject
    of rumors with a hottie like this.
[15:21] Kon
    Be gentle with me, darling.
[15:46] Gin
    Hey, mister.
[15:47] Gin
    Wanna get some coffee with m—
[15:49] Oto
    I'm not a mister!
[15:50] Oto
    I'm a granny!
SIGN    Otose (M)
[15:55] Hij
    Hey, mister.
[15:56] Hij
    Wanna get some coffee with me—
[15:57] Cat
    Shut it, fatty.
SIGN    Catherine (M)
[16:03] Gin
    I'd forgotten that the men in this town
    right now are all actually women.
[16:07] Hij
    I'd forgotten that I'm a fatty right now.
[16:10] Gin
    Damn it!
[16:11] Gin
    I'll show you that Ginko's
    definitely more popular than you!
[16:15] Hij
    Keep talking!
[16:15] Hij
    Crazy bitches like you
    will always be cast aside.
[16:18] Hij
    In the end, men always come back
    home, seeking Tenko's kindness!
[16:23] Bo
    Hey, mister!
[16:24] Bo
    Wanna get some coffee with me?!
[16:26] Sac
    Sheesh. I'm utterly fed up
    with the men of this town.
[16:30] Tsu
    You're out picking up guys without
    doing anything to fix this crisis?
[16:36] Gin
    Surveillance cameras?
[16:38] Sac
    It was only after I became
    a man that I realized...
[16:41] Tsu
    ...just how pathetic and useless
    the men of this world are.
[16:47] Bo
    Get lost, pigs.
SIGN    Sarutobi Ayame (M) Tsukuyo (M)
[16:52] Jyu
    How'd it go, Ginko-san?
[16:54] Jyu
    We managed to deal with
    close to twenty cameras,
[16:57] Jyu
    but there were more of them than we thought.
[16:59] Jyu
    There's no telling just how many there
    are all across the Kabuki District.
[17:03] Jyu
    Honestly, I'm not sure
    we can deal with them all.
[17:06] Kon
    Unless we disable the surveillance,
    we can't even look for the cult's base.
[17:10] Kon
    We have no choice but to
    progress steadily, darling.
[17:13] Jyu
    I am not your darling!
[17:15] Kon
    Aren't we a stalkouple who used
    to chase after the same person?
[17:18] Kon
    I think we could have a long
    and fruitful relationship.
[17:21] Jyu
    As if!
[17:22] Jyu
    Try touching me one more time.
[17:23] Jyu
    I'll cut you!
[17:24] Gin
    Enough.
[17:26] Gin
    That matter's already settled.
[17:29] Shin
    What do you mean, already settl—
[17:34] Sac
    It's as she said.
[17:35] Sac
    There's not a single surveillance
    camera left in this town.
[17:40] Sac
    While you were kicking up a
    fuss after turning into women,
[17:44] Sac
    they were all taken care of
[17:46] Sac
    by us guys!
[17:48] Shin
    Th-The cameras!
[17:50] ---
    Wha—
[17:55] Shin
    Who's that bespectacled character
    trying to steal my role?!
[17:58] Shin
    Doing something this conspicuous
    will only attract their atten—
[18:01] Tsu
    Don't worry.
[18:03] Tsu
    If you don't want to be found out,
    then instead of just the eyes,
[18:06] Tsu
    take everything out, including the ears,
    mouths, hands, and feet all at once!
[18:11] Tsu
    Those bastards holed up in the ground
[18:13] Tsu
    no longer have any access
    to outside information.
[18:20] Tsu
    Now we just have to wait
[18:22] Tsu
    for its head to poke out and gasp for air!
SIGN    Yoshiwara Vigilante Corps Hyakka (M)
[18:27] Tsu
    I have no need for cowards.
[18:29] Tsu
    If any of you are real men,
    then come with me!
[18:39] D
    What?
[18:41] D
    All of the surveillance
    cameras were destroyed?
[18:43] D
    Yes.
[18:44] D
    They were all single blows from a blind spot.
[18:46] D
    None of the cameras have
    recorded the actual crime.
[18:49] D
    And at the same time, we lost all
    contact with the outside patrol.
[18:54] D
    It can't be. Nobody could pull that off.
[18:56] D
    Anyway, we cannot ignore this.
[18:59] D
    Wait!
[18:59] D
    The archbishop ordered us not to
    leave our posts, no matter what!
[19:03] D
    This is an emergency!
[19:04] D
    Now is not the time to be worrying about—
[19:11] Jyu
    Rest assured.
[19:13] Tsu
    We are fellow Dekobokkoists.
[19:17] Sac
    Men must be manly, and women feminine.
[19:20] Kag
    We have come here to remain true
    to Dekobokkoism's sole doctrine.
[19:26] All
    Behold! We are the men of this planet!
[19:31] D
    Y-You fiends!
[19:34] Kag
    Charge!
[19:36] Kag
    Make them regret turning us into men!
[19:47] Gin
    Uh...
[19:49] Gin
    What's with those guys?
[19:51] Gin
    I mean, even if they were sort of
    macho girls to begin with...
[19:58] Gin
    They're way too high-spec!
[20:02] Gin
    They're way more manly
    than we ever were as men!
[20:07] Gin
    They're fixing things so fast, it makes all
    our troubles up to now seem like a joke!
[20:11] Gin
    They're completely hogging the spotlight!
[20:14] Hij
    Hey, we can't let the women outdo us.
[20:18] Hij
    Don't fall behind!
[20:19] Hij
    Cunsengumi, move out!
[20:32] Hij
    I'll defend this spot to the last.
[20:34] Hij
    Leave the rest to me and go ahead.
[20:36] Gin
    Go where?!
[20:38] Gin
    You think you can sweep it
    under the rug that easily?!
[20:40] Gin
    Quit clogging up that manhole!
[20:43] Hij
    I-I'm done for.
[20:45] Hij
    I know my body better than anyone.
[20:47] Hij
    Leave me and go!
[20:48] Gin
    You don't!
[20:49] Gin
    That's exactly why you got stuck!
[20:51] Gin
    With you in the way, we'll never
    get to bask in the spotlight!
[20:54] Oki
    Calm down, Hijikata-san.
[20:55] Oki
    I'll help you outta there.
[20:57] Oki
    "Hee, hee, hoo," got that?
[20:58] Oki
    Together now.
[20:59] Oki
    "Hee, hee, hoo."
[21:01] Hij
    I'm not a pregnant woman, you moron!
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Teach Us!!
    Ginko-sensei
[22:37] Gin
    Teach us...
[22:39] All
    Ginko-sensei!
[22:41] Gin
    All right. It's time for
    "Teach Us! Ginko-sensei."
[22:45] Gin
    Not "Miss Machiko" or
    "Watch out! Luna-sensei."
[22:48] Gin
    Don't expect anything like that.
[22:50] Gin
    Pen name "Pistol Girl" has a question for us.
[22:54] Gin
    "Right now, Gin-san, Kyubei, and
    everyone have swapped genders.
[22:59] Gin
    So I ask, what would Hasegawa-san
    be like as a woman?
[23:03] Gin
    I know you won't have much
    time, but please answer."
[23:06] Gin
    Okay.
[23:07] Gin
    We don't have much time,
    but we'll answer that.
[23:10] Gin
    A gender-swapped Hasegawa-san...
SIGN    Goodbye, cruel world.
[23:13] Mad
    Goodbye, cruel world.
[23:18] Gin
    ...would be like that.
[23:20] Gin
    Huh? You want to see his face?
[23:23] Gin
    Fine.
[23:24] Gin
    Just this once.
[23:26] Mad
    Goodbye, cruel world!
[23:31] Gin
    Something like that.
SIGN    The End
SIGN    Preview
[23:39] Jyu
    I...
[23:41] Jyu
    I...
[23:47] Kyu
    10 - 1 =...
SIGN    10 - 1 =
SIGN    Which gender will Jyubei choose?
SIGN    Can Tenko escape the manhole?
SIGN    When will Sugita-san return?
SIGN    Everything will be answered next week, in the finale of the "Genderbend Arc"!

E277 - 10-1=

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] Hij
    Hee, hee, hoo...
[00:03] Hij
    Hee, hee, hoo...
[00:06] Hij
    No good. I'm not budging an inch.
[00:08] Oki
    Tenko, you won't get
    anywhere with that method.
[00:11] Oki
    You gotta strike while the iron's hot!
[00:14] Hij
    Wasn't this your idea—
SIGN    Jyubei's Request: Watch this program in a bright
    room and at a safe distance from your TV!!
[02:00] Tae
    A-Amazing.
[02:02] Tae
    You took them all out in the blink of an eye.
[02:05] Tae
    I don't believe it.
[02:06] Tae
    Your efforts have put all the men to shame.
[02:09] Jyu
    Yes.
[02:10] Jyu
    Ayao-dono, Tsukuo-dono.
[02:12] Jyu
    It's all thanks to you.
[02:14] Tsu
    If you want to thank someone,
    thank this guy for inviting the Hyakka
[02:16] Tsu
    to a ninja course.
[02:17] Sar
    Seriously. Who knows what might've
    happened had we not come here.
[02:21] Kag
    This must be a star of fate at work.
[02:24] Kag
    When a hero shines most brightly, his
    radiance attracts other heroes to his side.
[02:29] Kag
    We owe it all to you, Cao Cao.
[02:32] Tae
    We're underground, Kagura-chan.
[02:34] Jyu
    Instead of relying on those
    idiots, we girls should've—
[02:38] Gin
    Wow!
[02:39] Gin
    Way to go, boys!
[02:41] Gin
    We actually would've loved to help out,
[02:43] Gin
    but we had to act feminine, right, Goriko?
[02:47] Kon
    That's right.
[02:48] Kon
    In true feminine style, we figured we
    should stand aside and cheer you on.
[02:53] Kon
    Right, Ginko?
[02:55] Shin
    But really, you've all become so awesome.
[02:58] Shin
    I-I couldn't believe my eyes.
[02:59] Shin
    Especially those two ninjas.
    Aren't their specs too high?
[03:02] Kon
    I prefer the hunk with the ponytail.
[03:05] Tae
    Who are you calling a hunk?
[03:07] Oki
    I prefer the porktail.
[03:09] Oki
    It'd be delicious barbecued.
[03:11] Hij
    Nobody was talking about barbecue.
[03:15] Sac
    It's too late to notice my charms, Ginko-san.
[03:18] Gin
    No, I never said anything of the sort.
[03:20] Sac
    Now that our genders have been swapped,
[03:23] Sac
    I frankly feel no attraction to you at all.
[03:26] Sac
    Why has Sakata Gintoki, of all people,
    been degraded to a useless sow?
[03:30] Sac
    Why have you accepted that appearance?
[03:32] Sac
    Man or woman, you were
    never that kind of person.
[03:36] Sac
    You would look much better
[03:38] Sac
    in this, I'm sure!
[03:40] Sac
    Hurry up and change!
[03:41] Gin
    You pig!
[03:42] Gin
    In the end, you're still as deviant as ever!
[03:44] Sac
    It'd look amazing on you now!
[03:46] Sac
    Please!
[03:47] Sac
    I'll pay you 30,000 extra!
[03:49] Gin
    I'm not a prostitute!
[03:50] Shin
    Hey!
[03:51] Shin
    It might be the same old routine,
[03:52] Shin
    but it looks so much more
    perverse now that she's a man!
[03:54] Kag
    Do you mean 30,000 in reinforcements?!
[03:59] Kag
    Good. Bring out the dosh.
[03:59] Shin
    No, it's not good!
[04:01] Tsu
    Stop that, Sarutobi.
[04:03] Tsu
    No matter how much of a man she may be
    inside and out, she's still a woman.
[04:07] Tsu
    Flowers have no inherent beauty or ugliness.
[04:09] Tsu
    It only exists in the eye of the male
    beholder that cannot admire both equally.
[04:14] Gin
    What's with this guy?
[04:15] Gin
    How'd an innocent girl
    turn into such a playboy?
[04:19] Tsu
    No need to worry, Ginko.
[04:21] Tsu
    Protecting women is the Hyakka's job.
[04:24] Tsu
    Relax and leave yourself in my care.
[04:27] Tsu
    I know of a job where you earn a lot more
    just by having a bath with customers.
[04:32] Gin
    I'm telling you, I'm not a prostitute!
[04:34] Shin
    He's like some evil pimp!
    A scary scout from the city!
[04:38] Kag
    Do you mean a spland?
[04:41] Kag**
    Good. Bring out the dosh.
[04:42] Shin
    I told you, it's not good at all!
[04:44] Kon
    What? Pork?
[04:47] Kon
    Bring out the Tosh.
[04:48] Hij
    Shut it, morons!
[04:51] Tae
    It looks like your new genders
    suit you much better.
[04:55] Tae
    Maybe things would be better this way.
[04:58] Gin
    Don't say that! It's terrifying!
[05:00] Tae
    Well, do you really think you could
[05:03] Tae
    outdo these high-spec men
    if you went back to normal?
[05:06] Tae
    Are you saying that even
    though you were useless,
[05:07] Tae
    you'll shamelessly go back to
    living life as deadbeat men
[05:11] Tae
    thanks to their efforts?
[05:13] Tae
    If that's the case,
[05:14] Tae
    it'd be better if you stayed as women
    and let Tsukuo-san take care of you.
[05:17] Tae
    By working in Yoshiwara, you'd contribute
    much more to society than as men.
[05:22] Tsu
    Leave it to me.
[05:23] Hij
    What the hell do you people think women are?!
[05:26] Kon
    Yeah! Are our bodies all you're after?!
[05:28] Hij
    Who contributes what doesn't mean jack!
[05:31] Hij
    What matters is that we get our
    bodies back, no matter what!
[05:35] Hij
    Found anything yet?!
[05:36] Hij
    There's gotta be a vaccine or something
    to turn our bodies back to normal!
[05:40] Ymz
    Sorry, Vice Chief. There doesn't
    seem to be anything like that here.
[05:43] Jyu
    That's not all.
[05:45] Jyu
    I don't see the archbishop anywhere.
[05:50] Gin
    What's that supposed to mean?
[05:52] Gin
    Don't tell me this wasn't their base—
[05:55] AB
    No. That is definitely our
    Earth Dekobokkoist base.
[06:01] Jyu
    Y-You're—
[06:03] AB
    However, attacking the base will not
    necessarily solve all your problems.
[06:07] AB
    Unfortunately for you, what you're looking
    for has long since left that planet.
[06:14] AB
    That said, we did observe everything
    you people have been doing
[06:18] AB
    through your sword, Kyubei-san.
[06:22] Jyu
    My sword?
[06:25] Jyu
    A bug?
[06:26] Jyu
    No way!
[06:31] AB
    I told you that God is always
    watching you, didn't I?
[06:34] Jyu
    Damn you!
[06:38] Jyu
    What are you after?!
[06:40] AB
    God has chosen you.
[06:43] AB
    Like us, you are neither man nor woman...
[06:47] AB
    An unsullied being worthy
    of being God's apostle.
[06:50] AB
    Yagyu Kyubei,
[06:52] AB
    God has been watching you,
    and he wishes to entrust you
[06:56] AB
    with this planet's fate.
[06:57] AB
    During this trial, he has seen some of you
    being manlier than anyone else,
[07:02] AB
    and others being nothing more
    than useless bitches.
[07:05] AB
    Kyubei-san, you have splendidly upheld
    the teachings of Lord Dekobokko
[07:10] AB
    and overcome his trial.
[07:13] AB
    In light of your devotion, we...
[07:17] AB
    No, God shall keep his promise.
[07:20] Jyu
    What are you trying to pull?!
[07:22] AB
    Yagyu Kyubei,
[07:23] AB
    you are most suited to being
    Lord Dekobokko's apostle.
[07:27] AB
    From now on, you must
    guide the people of Earth
[07:30] AB
    and correct this planet's erratic gender roles!
[07:36] C
    Target is showing a
    high energy response!
[07:38] C
    No way!
[07:39] C
    Are they gonna fire the virus cannon again?!
[07:41] C
    Shoot it down!
[07:42] C
    Stop the satellite before it fires the virus!
[07:58] AB
    Yes.
[07:59] AB
    With that gender you attained for yourself.
[08:07] C
    Hey, look at this!
[08:08] C
    My body's back!
[08:10] C
    It's true!
[08:11] C
    We're back to normal!
[08:14] Jyu
    The town has gone back to normal...
[08:19] Gin
    ...except for those of us
    who were underground.
[08:27] Gin
    What the hell is this? Are you kidding me?!
[08:30] Hij
    Why are we still like this when we're
    the ones who overcame the trial?!
[08:33] Gin
    I show Lord Dekobokko a little respect,
    and he lets it go to his head!
[08:36] Gin
    Want me to kill you, bastard?!
[08:38] Hij
    Just kidding! She didn't mean that!
[08:40] Hij
    Fire the virus one more time!
[08:41] Hij
    Please! Just one more shot!
[08:44] PA
    Attention, everyone in the Kabuki District.
[08:47] PA
    The attack satellite which
    was aimed at Earth
[08:51] PA
    has been safely destroyed.
[08:53] PA
    Martial law will now be lifted.
[08:57] ---
    I repeat:
[08:59] Kyu
    Despite sensing everyone
    freezing up behind me,
[09:04] Kyu
    I found myself unable to turn around.
[09:08] Kyu
    My heart was wavering even as
    I was fighting alongside them.
[09:12] Kyu
    "Should I really go back to normal?"
[09:14] Kyu
    "Wouldn't I be happier living as a man?"
[09:18] Kyu
    Almost like those selfish feelings
    of mine were apparent...
[09:23] (Flashback) AD
    If you truly desire it,
[09:25] (Flashback) AD
    I can change this world for you.
[09:29] Jyu
    ...the archbishop left behind the world
    that was most convenient for me.
[09:42] G
    P-Point and match!
[09:44] Jyu
    That was too tame.
[09:46] Jyu
    How can you call yourself a Yagyu-style,
[09:48] Jyu
    no, a man?!
[09:49] Jyu
    Come at me all at once! Try taking
    a point off of Yagyu Jyubei!
[09:57] Kos
    That coldhearted swordsmanship...
[09:59] Kos
    Kyubei seems like an
    entirely different person.
[10:02] Tou
    Uh, Koshinori-sama, the young master
    really has become a different person.
[10:07] Bim
    That speed...
[10:08] Bim
    It's like she's swinging two swords.
[10:11] Tou
    Uh, Binbokusai-sama, there really is an
    extra sword swinging from her crotch now.
[10:16] Kos
    I don't really understand,
    but it looks like Kyubei's
[10:19] Kos
    grasped the secrets of the
    Yagyu style at long last, Papa.
[10:22] Bin
    Indeed. The Yagyu style's
    future is secure now.
[10:26] Tou
    Uh, there'll never be any security
    as long as the two of you are around.
[10:33] Jyu
    The wheels of the world continued to turn
    as though nothing had ever happened.
[10:42] G
    Get a load of that hunk!
[10:44] Jyu
    Actually, they were turning
    much smoother than before.
[10:50] G
    Hey, mister.
[10:52] G
    Would you like to hang out with us?
[10:55] Jyu
    S-Sorry. I have plans.
[10:58] Tae
    Jyubei-san!
[11:00] Tae
    Sorry I'm late.
[11:02] Tae
    Did you wait long?
[11:03] Jyu
    Nah, I just got here.
[11:06] Tae
    Oh, that's a relief.
[11:07] G
    Aw, he has a girlfriend?
[11:09] G
    A couple with a hot guy and
    hot girl is just unfair.
[11:13] Jyu
    Sorry! They misunderstood because of me.
[11:16] Tae
    No, it's fine.
[11:18] Jyu
    Yeah, much smoother than when I was a woman.
[11:23] Jyu
    Shinpachi-kun went to train with another dojo?
[11:25] Tae
    Yeah.
[11:26] Tae
    He said it was high time he got serious
    about trying to revive our own dojo,
[11:31] Tae
    so he wanted to build up
    some strength before that.
[11:34] Jyu
    Oh, Shinpachi-kun said that?
[11:37] Tae
    Indeed.
[11:38] Tae
    Before, his attention was divided
    among Odd Jobs and the dojo,
[11:41] Tae
    but now he's focusing on being an instructor,
[11:44] Tae
    and he really looks the part while teaching.
[11:47] Tae
    I'm sure he wanted to be part of
    the Odd Jobs trio for longer,
[11:51] Tae
    but after what happened to Ginko-san,
    Kagura-chan and Sekitobaharu left, too.
[11:56] (Flashback) Kag
    I serve only Cao Cao.
[11:59] (Flashback) Kag
    If we are fated to meet again, then we shall.
[12:02] (Flashback) Kag
    Fare thee well!
[12:05] Jyu
    I see. Ginko-san hasn't returned yet?
[12:09] Jyu
    So Odd Jobs has disappeared from Edo.
[12:12] Tae
    Sheesh. Where in the
    world has she run off to?
[12:16] Tae
    Who goes on a soul-searching
    trip at that age?
[12:20] Kon
    Sorry to keep you waiting, Otae.
[12:24] Tae
    Goriko!
[12:25] Kon
    Sorry, work was so hectic,
    I had some trouble getting away.
[12:30] Tae
    Was it okay to leave?
[12:31] Kon
    Yeah, don't worry about it.
[12:34] Kon
    Even the police need to take
    breaks every now and then.
[12:37] Tae
    I see.
[12:38] Tae
    I'm glad to hear work's going well, Goriko.
[12:40] Kon
    Look who's talking.
[12:42] Kon
    You've got it much better.
[12:44] Kon
    Though, I never expected us to
    be suited to that line of work.
[12:50] (Flashback) Hij
    Hey, guys!
[12:51] (Flashback) Hij
    You'd better stop by or you'll
    be placed under arrest.
[12:54] (Flashback) G
    You're the ones who need to be arrested!
[12:56] (Flashback) G
    Miniskirt police, my foot.
    You're miniskirt pork, if anything.
[13:00] (Flashback) Hij
    Want me to show you how
    a real cop does things?
[13:03] (Flashback) Hij
    I could destroy the reputation of scum
    like you without breaking a sweat!
[13:08] (Flashback) G
    Why is that the only part of
    the act that seems convincing?
[13:10] (Flashback) G
    Calm down, Tenko!
[13:12] (Flashback) G
    You've got a customer!
[13:16] (Flashback) Zen
    Looks like we've got a bunch
    of hard-hitting girls here.
[13:19] (Flashback) Zen
    Not that I mind.
[13:20] (Flashback) Zen
    Tenko-chan's right up my alley.
[13:24] Kon
    Well, it's kinda turned into a fuglies club,
[13:28] Kon
    but Tenko's doing great, and she's
    got a bunch of regular customers.
[13:31] Kon
    What's more...
[13:32] (Flashback) G
    Oh, it's a courtesan parade!
[13:34] (Flashback) G
    W-Wait...
[13:35] (Flashback) G
    That's Lady Soko from Club Sadist!
[13:38] G
    Soko split off from us and teamed
    up with the deviant advisor.
[13:42] (Flashback) Sac
    What are you doing, Soko?
[13:44] (Flashback) Sac
    Stomp on me harder!
[13:45] (Flashback) Oki
    Shut up, maggot.
[13:48] Kon
    She's now the number one courtesan
    in the Kabuki District.
[13:51] Kon
    Yoshiwara's Hinowa-san praised her,
    saying nobody else could earn so much
[13:55] Kon
    without letting anyone even touch their hand.
[13:58] (Flashback) Tsu
    I was right.
[14:01] (Flashback) Tsu
    Hinowa,
[14:02] (Flashback) Tsu
    there may soon be a courtesan in
    the Kabuki District who surpasses you.
[14:06] (Flashback) Hin
    As the first step of our expansion
    into the Kabuki District,
[14:09] (Flashback) Hin
    it's been a great success.
[14:10] (Flashback) Tsu
    It's not just here.
[14:12] (Flashback) Tsu
    The moon will rise every night
    over every neighborhood in Edo.
[14:17] (Flashback) Tsu
    I, Tsukuo, the new Lord of the Night,
[14:19] (Flashback) Tsu
    shall illuminate nights everywhere
    with radiance like none other.
[14:23] Kon
    It may not be long before the Lord of
    the Night takes control of Edo's nightlife.
[14:29] Jyu
    I see.
[14:30] Jyu
    All said and done, everyone's
    doing all right for themselves.
[14:34] Jyu
    It's all my fault things ended up this way,
[14:37] Jyu
    so I was worried.
[14:38] Kon
    Listen to yourself.
[14:40] Kon
    You're a victim yourself, Jyubei.
[14:43] Kon
    Besides, I personally think
    it was a great opportunity.
[14:49] Kon
    I'd been living my life without caring
    about masculinity or femininity,
[14:55] Kon
    but when I took a long, hard look at
    myself from a gender-swapped perspective,
[14:58] Kon
    I found, uh, a new side of me?
[15:00] Kon
    New possibilities?
[15:02] Kon
    Something of the sort.
[15:05] Kon
    Like, the side of me that's happy
    about being with Otae as a friend,
[15:11] Kon
    and not a stalker or a lover.
[15:14] Kon
    Stuff like that.
[15:15] Tae
    Goriko...
[15:17] Tae
    Jeez, don't say such embarrassing things!
[15:20] Kon
    Guess you're still making me
    your punching bag, though.
[15:24] Kon
    At any rate,
[15:25] Kon
    it doesn't matter whether we're men or women.
[15:30] Kon
    We're just gonna live
    as we please either way.
[15:32] Kon
    So you guys should stop worrying about us,
[15:37] Kon
    and do as you please, too.
[15:39] Tae
    Goriko, what are these?
SIGN    Between Man and Woman
[15:40] Kon
    Tickets to the latest hit movie.
[15:43] Kon
    They weren't easy to get my hands on.
[15:45] Kon
    What else could I do?
[15:47] Kon
    Now that I've ended up like this,
[15:49] Kon
    you're the only one left
    who can make Otae happy.
[15:55] Kon
    But let me just make this crystal clear:
[15:58] Kon
    if you make Otae, my friend, cry,
[16:04] Kon
    I'll arrest you.
SIGN    Between Man and Woman
[16:11] Jyu
    This was the world I wished for.
[16:15] Jyu
    Everything was just as I'd wanted it,
[16:21] Jyu
    and yet I knew that this gloominess
    was not caused by the weather alone.
[16:29] Jyu
    I knew that the ticket I got wasn't
    wet because of the rain alone.
[16:34] FT
    Hey, samurai.
[16:37] FT
    Would you like your fortune told?
[16:40] Jyu
    Sorry, but I'm done with fortunes.
[16:43] Jyu
    Try someone else.
[16:45] FT
    You have decided whether to live
    as a man or as a woman, I take it?
[16:52] FT
    So why the long face?
[16:55] FT
    You don't look like someone
    about to go on a date.
[16:57] Jyu
    I don't know who you are,
[17:00] Jyu
    but I'm neither a man nor a woman.
[17:04] Jyu
    I sowed the seeds of calamity
[17:06] Jyu
    and got everyone caught up in it.
[17:09] Jyu
    Yet I had accepted that I was
    simply pretending to give up
[17:12] Jyu
    for the sake of my own desires.
[17:14] Jyu
    Still, everyone's looking out for me,
    totally unaware of my true colors.
[17:20] Jyu
    Don't make her cry?
[17:22] Jyu
    Weren't you the one crying?
[17:26] Jyu
    I'm neither manly nor womanly,
[17:30] Jyu
    just cowardly scum.
[17:34] Jyu
    That was the answer I got
    after racking my brain,
[17:38] Jyu
    so there's no need to
    tell my fortune anymore.
[17:42] FT
    You may not necessarily get
    the same answer this time.
[17:45] FT
    This may lead you down a
    path of even more anguish,
[17:51] FT
    but I have another ticket right here.
SIGN    Space Travel Ticket Earth => XAMA
[17:54] FT
    Unfortunately, it's not something
    you can use on a date.
[17:57] FT
    It's a ticket to the planet the
    Dekobokkoists will target next.
[18:03] FT
    Yagyu Jyubei-san, let me ask you once again.
[18:06] FT
    Will you choose that ticket
    and live on as a man?
[18:10] FT
    Or will you choose this one and
    go back to being a woman?
[18:13] Jyu
    Wh-What are you—
[18:15] Gin
    No matter what you choose,
[18:17] Gin
    I'm sure you will continue to waver.
[18:20] Gin
    But what's wrong with that?
[18:23] Gin
    Manly? Womanly?
[18:25] Gin
    Are those random values that others made up
[18:28] Gin
    really what you were striving toward?
[18:31] Gin
    If things were so clear cut,
[18:32] Gin
    then neither men, women,
[18:34] Gin
    you,
[18:37] Gin
    or me
[18:38] Gin
    would be leading such painful lives.
[18:41] Gin
    We're all in the same boat, Jyubei.
[18:43] Gin
    You're not the only one who's lost.
[18:46] Gin
    I don't get all the complicated stuff,
[18:49] Gin
    but I do know it's not like
    us to take this lying down.
[19:07] C
    Wh-What was that light?
[19:11] C
    What is this?!
[19:12] C
    Men have turned into women and vice versa!
[19:20] AB
    Chrislings...
[19:21] AB
    The race that throws gender roles into chaos.
[19:23] AB
    May you bear the brunt of that sin!
[19:26] D
    Uh, Archbishop,
[19:27] D
    all the men and women on
    this planet are Chris,
[19:29] D
    so in the end they're
    still Chris Matsumura...
[19:31] AB
    The satellite might have
    been destroyed on Earth,
[19:34] AB
    but we won't stop.
[19:36] AB
    With this new weapon, we shall
    propagate Lord Dekobokko's
[19:38] AB
    teachings to the ends of the universe.
[19:41] AB
    Quickly, take control of the
    city while they panic.
[19:47] AB
    What's going on?
[19:48] AB
    Archbishop, a few of the
    residents are fighting back!
[19:51] AB
    Ridiculous.
[19:53] AB
    In the midst of the gender swapping chaos,
[19:55] AB
    I refuse to believe someone could
[19:57] AB
    calmly analyze the situation and
    strike back at us in an instant.
[20:01] Kyu
    You'd better believe it.
[20:04] Kyu
    Because it doesn't matter to them
    whether they're men or women.
[20:09] Kyu
    They don't care about living in
    a masculine or feminine manner,
[20:15] Kyu
    only in a manner that's true to themselves.
[20:19] AB
    Y-You're...
[20:25] Kyu
    Tae-chan,
[20:31] Kyu
    I'm sorry.
[20:34] Kyu
    I'm no Jyubei.
[20:37] Kyu
    Neither a woman nor a man, I am...
[20:44] Kyu
    I am...
[20:47] Kyu
    Ten minus one is...
[20:50] Kyu
    Yagyu Kyubei!
[21:08] G
    Miss.
[21:09] G
    You seem to be coming here every day.
[21:11] G
    Are you waiting for someone?
[21:16] G
    Oh, no.
[21:17] G
    I was simply taking shelter from the rain.
[21:19] G
    But I'm glad.
[21:21] G
    It seems the rain has let up.
[21:25] G
    Um, I'd like to make an advanced booking.
SIGN    Between Man and Woman
[21:28] Tae
    Not for a romantic movie like that...
[21:59] Tae
    ...but one you can have a
    good laugh at with friends!
SIGN    Preview
[23:35] Hin
    Have you gotten used to temple school, Seita?
[23:38] Hin
    Remember to take your lunch today, too.
SIGN    All Mothers Pack Too Much Food Into
    a Lunch Box and Ruin the Shape
[23:41] Sei
    Next Episode: "All Mothers Pack Too Much
    Food Into a Lunch Box and Ruin the Shape."
[23:45] Hin
    You're gonna be late.
SIGN    Preview
[23:47] Sign
    Off you go!
SIGN    Following Tsukuyo and Gintoki's history lessons,
SIGN    Seita begins to attend a temple school.
SIGN    And will we have a new OP and ED next episode? (Still working on it.)
SIGN    Will he be able to make a hundred friends?

E278 - All Mothers Pack Too Much Food Into a Lunch Box and Ruin the Shape

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Temple School
[00:01] T
    Okay, then. We'll continue after lunch break.
[00:04] B
    All right! Time to eat!
[00:06] B
    Yay!
[00:07] B
    Hey, let's go eat outside!
[00:12] G
    Let's eat together, Izumi-chan.
[00:15] G
    What's wrong?
[00:17] I
    Has Seita-kun still not made any friends?
[00:20] I
    And it's been a while since he joined...
[00:23] G
    Jeez, boys can be so inconsiderate.
[00:27] G
    Hey, Seita-kun!
[00:31] G
    Would you like to have lunch with us?
[00:33] G
    Izumi-chan wants to know.
[00:35] I
    H-Hey, I never said—
[00:37] Sei
    W-Well, I...
[00:39] Sei
    O-Oh, darn! I forgot my lunch!
[00:43] I
    Oh, really?
[00:44] I
    I can share mine if you want.
[00:47] Sei
    N-Nah, it's fine!
[00:50] Sei
    I-I'll go buy something
    at the convenience store!
[00:54] I
    Seita-kun?!
[00:57] G
    There he goes.
[00:58] B
    Don't waste your time, Izumi.
[01:00] B
    He's always like that.
[01:03] B
    We've asked him to join us before, too,
[01:05] B
    but he always runs off
    somewhere at lunchtime.
[01:08] I
    Is that so?
[01:09] G
    He's blowing his chance to make friends.
[01:15] I
    Seita-kun...
[01:18] I
    What could he be doing by himself?
SIGN    All Mothers Pack Too Much Food Into
    a Lunch Box and Ruin the Shape
SIGN    Hinoya Tea House
[03:04] Hi
    Seita hasn't been himself lately.
[03:08] Hi
    Not since he started temple school, I think.
[03:11] Hi
    Before, he was all excited
    about making lots of friends,
[03:15] Hi
    but there's been no hint of him bringing
    friends over, or having any fun at all.
[03:20] Hi
    To top it all off, look at this.
[03:23] Hi
    That glutton
[03:26] Hi
    is bringing his lunch home unfinished.
[03:30] Hi
    What's wrong with him?
    These look so delicious.
[03:34] Hi
    Is he not fitting in at temple school?
[03:38] Tsu
    Hinowa, was today sports day or something?
[03:41] Hi
    For a child, every day might
    as well be sports day.
[03:44] Tsu
    That's not what I meant!
[03:46] Tsu
    Are you making him these
    extravagant lunches every day?
[03:49] Hi
    We can't have him unable to concentrate
    due to an empty stomach, right?
[03:53] Hi
    Moms sure have it rough, huh?
[03:55] Hi
    I can't believe they all
    cook this much every day.
[04:00] Tsu
    Hinowa, you're the only one who has it rough.
[04:03] Tsu
    And it's not Seita who's not
    fitting in at temple school.
[04:08] Tsu
    It's these lunches.
[04:10] Tsu
    Seita's probably losing his
    chances to make friends because
[04:14] Tsu
    he's too embarrassed to be seen eating these.
[04:17] Hi
    What? Because of the lunches?
[04:19] Hi
    Why?
[04:20] Tsu
    If a newcomer were to eat stuff like this,
[04:22] Tsu
    he'd obviously stick out like a sore thumb!
[04:25] Tsu
    Kids' society is harsher and more
    exclusive than adults realize.
[04:29] B
    This ain't sports day, you know.
[04:32] B
    Your parents have no common sense, huh?
[04:34] Hi
    Why? I don't put anything you'd
    be embarrassed to show people.
[04:39] Hi
    And I pack it with love!
[04:43] Tsu
    And I'm telling you,
    that's not the issue here.
[04:46] Tsu
    For a kid to fit in, he has to have
    the same things everybody has,
[04:49] Tsu
    and do the same things they do.
[04:51] Tsu
    That's right. Being "normal"
    is the most important thing.
[04:55] Hi
    Really?
[04:56] Sei
    That's Tsukuyo-nee for you.
[04:58] Sei
    Yoshiwara's queen of reading between
    the lines is a cut above the rest.
[05:02] Sei
    She's right on the money.
[05:04] Sei
    I wanna eat a normal lunch,
[05:06] Sei
    normally, with everyone else.
[05:12] Hi
    So that's how it was.
    Because of me, Seita has...
[05:16] Hi
    But what's a normal lunch like, anyway?
[05:20] Hi
    How do normal mothers make normal lunches?
[05:24] Tsu
    N-Normally, of course.
[05:28] Hi
    In that case, Tsukuyo, you
    make Seita's lunch tomorrow.
[05:33] Hi
    You understand what a normal lunch made
    by a normal mother is like, don't you?
[05:38] Tsu
    W-Wait a second!
    I can't cook to save my li—
[05:41] Hi
    Then this is a perfect opportunity.
[05:43] Hi
    If you can't make a lunch or two,
[05:45] Hi
    Gin-san will come to hate you.
[05:47] Tsu
    Why'd you bring that moron up?!
[05:49] Sei
    Tsukuyo-nee's making me lunch?
    Will it be all right?
SIGN    Temple School
[05:54] T
    Okay. That does it for the morning classes.
[05:57] B
    All right! Time for lunch!
[06:00] ---
    Yay!
[06:09] I
    You didn't forget your lunch today, huh?
[06:11] I
    Now you've got to eat with us, Seita-kun.
[06:14] Sei
    Uh, o-okay.
[06:16] Sei
    Sure.
[06:19] G
    You know, Izumi-chan was all
    worried you hated us or something.
[06:25] Sei
    O-Of course not. I just...
[06:30] I
    Wow, your lunch is amazing!
[06:33] G
    A decorated lunch?
[06:35] I
    Aren't these those things ninjas use?
[06:37] G
    Kunai, yeah. They're rice kunai.
[06:39] I
    Wow! This is so well made!
[06:41] G
    Look, there's seaweed wrapped
    around them here.
[06:45] Sei
    This is it! This is the kind
    of lunch I've been waiting for!
[06:50] (Flashback) Tsu
    "Decorated lunches"?
[06:51] (Flashback) Tsu
    Is that what's popular these days?
[06:54] (Flashback) Hi
    Apparently it's important that they
    be playful so kids can enjoy them.
[06:58] Sei
    They're even taking trends into account!
[07:00] Sei
    Mom and Tsukuyo-nee can do anything
    if they put their minds to it!
SIGN    One of the rice kunai contains a surprise. Eat with caution!
[07:03] Sei
    What's more, they even included
    a game people can enjoy together!
[07:07] Sei
    F-Feel free to have some if you'd like.
[07:10] G
    Can we?
[07:12] Sei
    But one of these contains a surprise.
[07:14] I
    Really?
[07:16] I
    Your mom sounds like a fun person.
[07:19] I
    I wonder what's in them.
[07:21] G
    I can't wait to find out.
[07:23] Sei
    Perfect!
[07:25] Sei
    This is perfect!
[07:26] Sei
    A lunch like this will help me
    break the ice with everyone!
[07:35] Sei
    Huh? Aren't you gonna eat?
[07:37] I
    Uh, Seita-kun...
[07:40] I
    You're bleeding...
SIGN    Temple School
[07:48] I
    Sensei! Seita-kun is hurt!
SIGN    Hinoya Tea House
[07:54] Hi
    He didn't finish today, either.
[07:58] Tsu
    So even a decorated lunch wasn't good enough?
[08:01] Sac
    What part of this is "decorated"?
    It's a death lunch, if anything.
[08:04] Hi
    We followed the instructions
    and made it playful...
[08:07] Sac
    Why would an enjoyable lunchtime include a
    life-threatening game of Russian roulette?
[08:11] Tsu
    But I've never made a lunch for anyone before!
[08:15] Sac
    You're hopeless.
[08:17] Sac
    I can't believe that Yoshiwara's star
    courtesans can't even prepare a kid's lunch.
[08:22] Sac
    In the end, I guess your
    bodies are all you've got.
[08:25] Sac
    You're a couple of loser women that guys
    want to play around with, but never marry.
[08:30] Sac
    Did you really think all mothers make
    such elaborate lunches every day?
[08:33] Sac
    That's only until kindergarten, you know.
[08:36] Sac
    Boys his age want to rip off the
    nappies their parents put on them
[08:42] Sac
    and try to act all grown-up.
SIGN    Who could eat this crap?!
[08:45] Sei
    Who could eat this crap?!
[08:47] Sac
    That's the age they get most embarrassed
    about lunches packed with love.
[08:51] Sac
    Normal mothers are much
    lazier with their lunches.
[08:55] Sac
    Giving him that space is the only way
    you can show your love to a boy his age.
[09:01] Sei
    Sa-san actually knows where it's at.
[09:05] Sac
    Let me give it a shot next.
[09:07] Sac
    I'll show you what a normal mother is like.
SIGN    Temple School
[09:14] I
    Uh, Seita-kun.
[09:16] I
    Are you all right now? Did your wound heal?
[09:19] Sei
    Yeah, I'm fine.
[09:20] I
    That's good to hear.
[09:22] I
    Then why don't we finally eat together today?
[09:24] G
    That's probably a bad idea, Izumi-chan.
[09:27] B
    She's right, Izumi.
[09:29] I
    Sorry for screaming last time.
[09:31] I
    I was just so shocked.
[09:33] Sei
    I should be the one apologizing.
    My mom takes her pranks too far.
[09:37] I
    Um, I made too much lunch today.
[09:41] I
    Have some, if you'd like.
[09:44] Sei
    Is she trying to look out for me?
[09:47] I
    There's two of each side dish,
    so feel free to take half.
[09:50] Sei
    She must've figured out that my
    mom can't make a proper lunch.
[09:54] Sei
    She's such a nice girl!
[09:56] Sei
    But she's totally looking
    down on my mom here.
[10:00] Sei
    I can't let that stand.
[10:02] Sei
    Th-Then you can have half of my lunch!
[10:06] I
    B-But...
[10:07] Sei
    It's all good.
[10:08] Sei
    I've got a normal lunch today!
[10:10] Sei
    My mom's completely normal!
[10:13] Sei
    So take half!
[10:15] I
    But...
SIGN    Yesterday's lasagna is in the fridge,
    so heat it up and eat it.
    P.S. If Mom and Dad break up,
     who will you stay with, Seita?
[10:16] I
    You don't even have half a lunch.
[10:20] Sac
    Yesterday's lasagna is in the fridge,
    so heat it up and eat it.
[10:25] Sac
    P.S. If Mom and Dad break up,
    who will you stay with, Seita?
SIGN    Hinoya Tea House
[10:34] Kyu
    Sure, it's the kind of
    thing a mother would do,
[10:38] Kyu
    but this is too lazy.
[10:40] Sac
    That's what mothers are like.
[10:42] Sac
    They think even cold love can be
    warmed up again with a microwave.
SIGN    P.S. If Mom and Dad break up, who will you stay with, Seita?
[10:47] Kyu
    And the postscript has
    nothing to do with lunch.
[10:50] Sac
    It's a dessert that's a bit on the heavy side.
[10:52] Kyu
    This lunch would only
    lead to an upset stomach!
[10:54] Sac
    What would you rather I'd done, then?
[10:57] Sac
    Aren't you a sad monster with the body
    of a woman and the heart of a man?
[11:01] Sac
    Figure something out!
[11:02] Kyu
    Quit calling me a monster.
[11:05] Kyu
    As someone who was raised as a man,
[11:08] Kyu
    I believe your concerns are unnecessary.
[11:11] Kyu
    When I was his age, I was on a warrior errantry,
[11:16] Kyu
    but I filled my stomach myself.
SIGN    Don't waste it, okay?
SIGN    Whoa!
[11:19] Kyu
    A kid he may be, but he's still a man.
[11:22] Kyu
    If you give him some pocket money,
    I'm sure he'll work something out.
SIGN    Thank you very much!
SIGN    Hooray!
[11:27] Hi
    But convenience store lunches would
    give him an unbalanced diet.
[11:32] Kyu
    I didn't say convenience store lunches.
[11:34] Kyu
    If he eats things like that,
    he'll end up with a weak body.
[11:38] Kyu
    A meal fit for a man would be...
SIGN    Temple School
[11:42] I
    Seita-kun!
[11:44] I
    Huh? Where's Seita-kun?
[11:46] B
    Eating with him again? How passionate.
[11:49] B
    Your boyfriend's outside.
[11:53] I
    Oh, Seita-kun...
[12:03] Kyu
    The Barara Gator.
    Rated Capture Level 8.
SIGN    Barara Gator Rated Capture Level 8
SIGN    Note: Capture Level 1 requires ten samurai armed with real swords to take down.
[12:09] Kyu
    Note: Capture Level 1 requires ten samurai
    armed with real swords to take down.
[12:15] Kyu
    P.S. Mom and Dad have sorted out
    their problems, so don't worry.
SIGN    P.S. Mom and Dad have sorted out
    their problems, so don't worry.
SIGN    Hinoya Tea House
[12:37] Tae
    Sure, that sounds more like a man,
[12:40] Tae
    but I think Capture Level 8 was overkill.
[12:45] Tae
    Komatsu Level 1 is probably more like it.
SIGN    Komatsu Level 1
[12:47] Tsu
    That's not the problem here!
[12:49] Tsu
    And what the hell is a Komatsu Level?!
SIGN    P.S. Mom and Dad have sorted out their problems, so don't worry.
[12:51] Kyu
    Really?
[12:53] Kyu
    I took out the burden
    of his family situation
[12:55] Kyu
    because I thought it might
    be too much for him...
[12:57] Tsu
    That family situation never
    existed to begin with.
[13:01] Tae
    They do say that lions throw their cubs
    off a cliff to make them stronger,
SIGN    Gaaaaah
[13:06] Tae
    but wasn't Seita-kun already thrown into
    an abyss by all those crappy lunches?
[13:13] Tae
    Making a kid who'd climbed back up the cliff
[13:15] Tae
    face a Barara Gator is much too cruel.
SIGN    Yaaaaah
[13:20] Tae
    You just have to cook something up
    and pack a proper lunch for him.
[13:25] Tae
    That's what a mother ought to do.
SIGN    Temple School
[13:31] I
    Seita-kun?
SIGN    Dad's in the fridge, so don't open it no matter what. P.S. Now the two of us can live happily ever after.
[13:35] Sign
    Dad's in the fridge, so don't
    open it no matter what.
[13:39] Sign
    P.S. Now the two of us can
    live happily ever after.
SIGN    Hinoya Tea House
[13:44] Tsu
    Wait, that's what you were cooking up?
[13:45] Tsu
    That's what you meant by
    sorting out their problems?!
[13:48] Tae
    Is something wrong with that?
[13:49] Tsu
    Everything is wrong with that!
[13:51] Tsu
    What happened to lunch?!
[13:53] Tae
    We were talking about lunch?
[13:55] Tae
    In that case, just feed him off
    your naked body or something.
[13:58] Sac
    Yeah. Your bodies are the only thing
    you've got going for you, anyway.
[14:01] Kyu
    I'm sorry, but I have no
    time to waste on lunches.
[14:04] Tsu
    You're the ones who had to butt in,
    and now you say this?!
[14:07] Tsu
    You damn rubberneckers!
[14:17] Kag
    It'd be quicker to just
    procure food for yourself.
SIGN    Temple School
[14:22] Sei
    Izumi-chan!
[14:24] Sei
    I'm good to go today!
[14:26] Sei
    I made sandwiches myself!
[14:33] B
    Sorry! Are you okay?
[14:35] ---
    Ow...
SIGN    There's a sandwich in my tummy, so please forgive me. P.S. I think your egg sandwiches could use more mayonnaise. -Kagura
[14:38] Kag
    There's a sandwich in my tummy,
    so please forgive me.
[14:43] Kag
    P.S. I think your egg sandwiches
    could use more mayonnaise.
[14:47] Kag
    Kagura.
[14:50] B
    Izumi's not here, Seita.
[14:52] B
    She took the day off today.
[14:54] B
    Maybe she started hating school
    because you cling to her too much.
[15:00] B
    Quit trying to take
    advantage of her kindness.
[15:04] B
    Kunai? A gator?
[15:05] B
    I don't know if you're trying
    to get our attention or what,
[15:08] B
    but if you hurt her, I'll make you pay!
[15:11] B
    Seita, eating lunch alone suits you best.
[15:21] Sei
    I'm home.
[15:23] Hi
    Oh, welcome back.
[15:24] Hi
    Seita, you didn't take the
    lunch I made today, did you?
[15:29] Hi
    Eat that.
[15:33] Hi
    You must be hungry.
[15:34] Hi
    A growing boy shouldn't be
    skipping meals, you know.
[15:38] Hi
    Just you wait.
[15:39] Hi
    Tomorrow, I'll make you
[15:41] Hi
    a lunch you'll want to show off
    to everyone for sure.
[15:52] Sei
    I don't want it.
[15:55] Sei
    The lunches you make
[15:58] Sei
    are too embarrassing to eat.
[16:02] Sei
    You were a courtesan all these years,
    so you can't make a proper lunch, can you?
[16:08] Sei
    You're not a normal mother...
[16:11] Sei
    And you're not even my mother, so you
    can't make a mom's lunch, can you?!
[16:27] Sei
    I went and said
[16:31] Sei
    something horrible...
[16:38] Sei
    The one thing I shouldn't have said.
[16:47] Sei
    I can't go back now.
[16:50] Sei
    I can't go home anymore.
[17:05] I
    Huh?
[17:06] I
    Seita-kun? What are you doing out so late?
[17:10] Sei
    Izumi-chan?
[17:12] Sei
    What about you? You even
    took the day off school.
[17:15] I
    Oh, my dad has a cold,
    so I had to take care of him.
[17:19] Sei
    So that's why...
[17:22] Sei
    Those look heavy.
[17:24] I
    These?
[17:25] I
    I don't have a mother,
[17:28] I
    so I have to make lunches for my family.
[17:33] I
    What about you, Seita-kun?
[17:35] Sei
    Izumi-chan...
[17:39] I
    I see.
[17:41] I
    So that's why you always ate lunch alone.
[17:45] I
    But personally speaking,
    that makes me envious.
[17:48] I
    You're lucky you can fight
    with your mom like that.
[17:52] I
    I'm sure all kids with moms
    have fights like that,
[17:56] I
    without realizing how blessed they are.
[18:00] I
    They only realize what
    they have once it's gone.
[18:06] I
    And then they regret the fact
[18:08] I
    that they'll never again get to eat a lunch
    with so much food, it's all out of shape.
[18:15] I
    Like me, you've lost your mother once.
[18:20] I
    So why haven't you realized it yet?
[18:25] I
    Nah.
[18:26] I
    You already have, haven't you?
[18:28] I
    I mean, you always came back for afternoon
    classes with your stomach so full,
[18:33] I
    you couldn't breathe.
[18:37] I
    Even if you couldn't eat all of it, and
    even if you had to hide from others,
[18:41] I
    you always ate as much as you could.
[18:44] I
    It was because you knew, right?
[18:49] I
    That even though she was awkward at it,
[18:52] I
    your mother tried her best to
    make those lunches for you.
[18:58] I
    That a mom's unshapely lunch
    is the tastiest of all.
[19:08] Sei
    Izumi-chan.
[19:11] I
    You have somewhere to be, right?
[19:13] I
    I'll be fine.
[19:14] I
    My brother will come pick me up.
[19:17] Sei
    Sorry.
[19:22] I
    Seita-kun,
[19:24] I
    see you tomorrow at school.
[19:28] B
    Sheesh.
[19:30] B
    He's pathetic to the core.
[19:33] I
    Bro!
[19:34] B
    Let's go home, Izumi.
[19:37] I
    Did you hear all that?
[19:41] B
    I didn't hear nothing.
[19:46] B
    Let's go.
[19:52] B
    What's for lunch tomorrow?
[19:53] I
    Who knows? You'll have to wait and see.
[19:56] B
    What the heck?
SIGN    Temple School
[20:00] T
    Okay. That's it for morning classes.
[20:03] B
    All right!
[20:04] B
    I was so bored again today.
[20:08] B
    Hey, look at Seita.
[20:10] B
    He's leaving.
[20:12] B
    Can you blame him?
[20:13] B
    How can he make a move on her
    after her brother chewed him out?
[20:16] B
    That's not all. He doesn't even
    have a place here anymore...
[20:25] B
    Whoa!
[20:26] G
    What is that?!
[20:27] I
    Seita-kun!
[20:30] Sei
    Thanks for the food, Mom!
[20:36] B
    What's with that mountain of lunch boxes?
[20:39] B
    Has he lost his mind?!
[20:40] I
    Come on, hurry up.
[20:43] B
    W-Wait, Izumi!
[20:46] I
    Seita-kun!
[20:48] I
    Let's finally eat together today.
[20:50] Sei
    Sure thing.
[20:53] I
    But I'm sorry.
[20:55] I
    I forgot to make lunch today, of all days.
[20:58] I
    Right, Bro?
[20:59] B
    What?
[20:59] B
    Izumi, don't tell me this is what
    you meant by "wait and see"?!
[21:03] B
    You've gotta be kidding me!
    I'm never gonna eat this guy's lun—
[21:08] Sei
    It's not my lunch.
[21:12] Sei
    It's my mom's.
[21:14] Sei
    Isn't it great?
[21:21] B
    Yeah.
[21:26] G
    Seita-kun, can I try some, too?
[21:30] G
    What? Is it that good?
[21:32] B
    Count me in!
[21:33] B
    Let me try some, too!
[21:34] G
    Me, too!
[21:36] B
    Looks great!
[21:37] B
    This is so cute!
[21:39] B
    Whoa, what's this black thing?
[21:41] G
    Where? Let me try some, too!
[21:43] B
    Me three!
SIGN    Before Gintoki appears a
SIGN    Reaper.
[23:28] Asa
    Kill me!
[23:29] Gin
    I'll die! I'll die!
SIGN    Edo is rocked by
[23:32] Shop
    Cut through the neck, leaving just
    one tiny bit of flesh attached.
SIGN    a serial murder case.
SIGN    Who's the murderer?
SIGN    A traitor
SIGN    on the run.
SIGN    Ikeda Asaemon
SIGN    Hung Head
SIGN    Soul Cleansing
SIGN    The Eighteenth
SIGN    Royal Swordskeeper
SIGN    Ikeda Yaemon
SIGN    These incidents
SIGN    will gradually get linked
SIGN    to Gintoki's past.
SIGN    Next week,
SIGN    the Reaper Arc begins!
SIGN    The Reaper by Day
    and the Reaper by Night
SIGN    The meeting of
SIGN    Gintoki and the Reaper
SIGN    takes the story
SIGN    to its turning point.

E279 - The Reaper by Day and the Reaper by Night

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    The Reaper's Request: Please watch this program in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV.
[01:35] G
    Boss, I gotta close up already.
[01:38] G
    And they say this area's gotten dangerous
    lately, so you'd best hurry on home.
[01:42] Gin
    Dangerous? What else is new?
[01:46] G
    Haven't you heard of the serial
    killer going after drunkards?
[01:49] G
    Just two days ago, another corpse
    was found in a back alley.
[01:52] G
    And there was something
    really strange about it.
[01:55] G
    At first glance, he looked like any old
    drunkard with nary a scratch on him,
[01:59] G
    but he was cut through the neck,
    leaving just one tiny bit of skin attached.
[02:04] G
    And because of that,
[02:05] G
    now there are rumors that it
    was the work of a Reaper.
[02:09] Gin
    No wonder the streets are
    so deserted everywhere.
[02:14] Gin
    When things get this gloomy,
    it even makes alcohol taste bad.
[02:18] Gin
    I wish someone would have a
    drink with me, Reaper or not.
[02:22] G
    Give it a rest, Boss.
[02:24] G
    Or else a Reaper really might
    show up to pour you a drink.
SIGN    Oden
[02:28] G
    So scary!
[02:29] G
    I'd better take down my lamp before
    the candle gets snuffed out.
[02:34] Gin
    How stupid.
[02:36] Gin
    By just a tiny bit of skin on his neck?
[02:38] Gin
    Big whoopin' deal.
[02:40] Gin
    Even I could do that.
[02:44] Gin
    Hell, we're always scraping along
    by the skin of our necks.
[02:47] Gin
    Financially, that is.
[02:48] R
    Is that true?
[02:51] R
    If so, I'd like to ask you
[02:55] R
    to help me commit suicide.
SIGN    The Reaper by Day
    and the Reaper by Night
[03:06] Gin
    I'm not sure I get it,
[03:08] Gin
    but you should probably rethink this.
[03:11] Gin
    If you committed suicide, uh,
[03:14] Gin
    wouldn't it be bad in a lot of ways?
[03:16] Gin
    How should I put this...
[03:18] Gin
    It's just wrong in all kinds of ways.
[03:21] Gin
    Basically, this isn't like you.
[03:24] Gin
    Cheer up!
[03:25] R
    What the hell would you know about me?!
[03:27] Gin
    What would I know?
[03:29] Gin
    I'd say it's all pretty obvious, really.
[03:32] R
    Stop judging a book by its cover!
[03:35] R
    You know nothing about my suffering!
[03:37] Gin
    I can pretty much guess.
[03:39] Gin
    You couldn't learn Bankai
    or something, right?
[03:42] R
    Wrong!
[03:43] Gin
    Anyway,
[03:44] Gin
    don't throw your life away.
[03:47] Gin
    You have the important mission
    of taking human lives...
[03:50] Gin
    Wait, that's not right.
[03:52] Gin
    You should know better than
    anyone how precious life is
[03:54] Gin
    because you take so many lives...
[03:57] Gin
    That's not it, either.
[03:58] Gin
    Man, this is a pain!
[04:00] Gin
    I have no idea how to stop a
    Reaper from committing suicide!
[04:03] R
    I must atone for all the lives I have taken.
[04:07] Gin
    Look, I get that.
[04:09] Gin
    But isn't that your job?
[04:11] Gin
    You don't have a choice.
[04:12] Gin
    Everyone understands that.
[04:15] R
    Just hurry and finish me off already!
[04:18] R
    P-Please!
[04:20] R
    Finish me!
[04:22] R
    End my suffering!
[04:24] Gin
    I don't even care anymore.
[04:26] Gin
    Don't resent me, okay?
[04:27] Gin
    Don't reduce my life span, okay?
[04:28] R
    Ow! Ow! Ow! I'm gonna die!
[04:31] Gin
    Didn't you want to die?!
[04:32] R
    H-Hurry up! Hurry up!
[04:33] Gin
    Hey, come on!
[04:34] Gin
    Quit moving around!
[04:37] Gin
    H-Here I come.
[04:46] R
    U-Uh, how much longer?
[04:49] R
    Hurry up and put me at ease.
[04:52] Gin
    J-Just a sec. Don't look this way.
[04:54] Gin
    I'm adjusting my aim right now!
    I'll take your head in one swing!
[05:03] R
    Are you done yet?
[05:04] R
    Hey, I'm really starting to hurt here.
[05:06] R
    Please, hurry!
[05:07] Gin
    S-Settle down!
[05:09] Gin
    This is the pain of all the
    lives you have taken so far!
[05:13] Gin
    And this one's for Krillin!
[05:20] R
    Hey! What do you think you're doing?!
[05:24] R
    H-Help...
[05:25] Gin
    I-I'm sorry! I can't do this after all!
[05:28] R
    It's too late to be saying that!
[05:30] R
    My guts are spilling out already!
[05:33] Gin
    Well, my brain's spilling out,
    so let's call it even!
[05:36] R
    Don't go wimping out on me now!
[05:38] R
    Hurry up and finish the job!
[05:40] R
    Kill me!
[05:41] Gin
    I'll die! I'll die!
[05:49] Gin
    This isn't helping with suicide, it's a scene
    out of Tuesday Suspense Theater!
[05:52] Gin
    Th-This ain't my fault, right?
[05:54] Gin
    This ain't a murder, right?
[05:56] Gin
    I just helped with the suicide, right?
[05:57] Gin
    And surely helping a Reaper
    commit suicide isn't a crime...
[06:06] Gin
    What's all this? Sure is noisy.
[06:11] Gin
    Did something happen?
[06:13] Shin
    I want to know what happened to you!
[06:16] Gin
    What about me?
[06:17] Shin
    What? That Reaper hanging
    from your back, that's what!
[06:21] Gin
    Reaper?
[06:22] Gin
    Wait, can you see something behind me?
[06:25] Gin
    Damn, is something haunting me?
[06:28] Shin
    Like hell!
[06:28] Shin
    The thing's lying limp on your back!
[06:31] Shin
    It's covered in blood!
[06:32] Gin
    That doesn't sound good.
[06:34] Gin
    I might die soon.
[06:36] Kag
    The Reaper up and died before you!
[06:38] Kag
    What happened? Don't tell me...
[06:40] Gin
    No, no! It was self-defense!
[06:43] Gin
    All I did was turn the tables on
    the Reaper who came after my life!
[06:45] Kag
    You killed it? You killed a Reaper?
[06:49] Gin
    Anyway, bring in all the Zanpakuto we have.
[06:52] Gin
    We'll all use our Bankai and send
    the Reaper back to Soul Society.
[06:56] Shin
    What are you trying to make us do?!
[06:57] Shin
    Not even Bankai can clear you of this crime!
[06:59] Shin
    Turn yourself in!
[07:01] Shin
    You've totally committed a murder here!
[07:02] Gin
    Screw you!
[07:04] Gin
    Only Soul Society can judge me—
[07:08] R
    No. Only people can judge other people.
[07:13] R
    You don't have to assist
    in my suicide anymore.
[07:14] Shin
    It's alive! The Reaper is alive!
[07:17] R
    I'm sorry.
[07:19] R
    This stomach wound was a fake.
[07:21] R
    I figured you'd never take my head
    unless I did something like this.
[07:26] R
    But I'm not allowed an
    honorable ritual suicide.
[07:30] R
    I'm more deserving of having my
    severed head stuck on a pike.
[07:35] R
    A Reaper doesn't even have the right to die.
[07:39] Kag
    A human?
[07:42] R
    No, I'm a Reaper.
[07:44] R
    Ikeda Asaemon,
[07:46] R
    a good-for-nothing Reaper who
    can't even have her own head,
[07:49] R
    let alone those of sinners.
[07:52] R
    I apologize for causing a fuss.
[08:01] Gin
    Who could it be at this time of night?
[08:12] Hij
    Again?
[08:13] Oki
    Yeah. The fourth one this week alone.
[08:17] Oki
    I never knew Reapers were such hard workers.
[08:20] Hij
    Seriously.
[08:22] Hij
    I wish they'd spare a thought for us
    cops who have to deal with their messes.
[08:25] Oki
    And unlike us, I bet they get paid
    for overtime in Soul Society.
[08:31] Oki
    This technique never ceases to amaze me.
[08:33] Hij
    Yeah, no ordinary swordsman
    could pull this off.
[08:36] Hij
    But Sogo, if they were as skilled as you—
[08:40] Oki
    Gimme a break.
[08:42] Oki
    I was busy all night, targeting
    your head like always.
[08:46] Hij
    You call that an alibi?
[08:48] Oki
    Besides, I'm not the only one capable of this.
    There are loads of others out there.
[08:53] Oki
    Did you know?
[08:55] Oki
    Someone committing a ritual
    suicide first pierces his belly,
[08:59] Oki
    and then his assistant lops off his
    head before he starts to suffer.
[09:02] Oki
    But it's not that easy to take
    someone's head in one swing.
[09:07] Oki
    If it goes badly, you fail to finish him
    off even after two or three strikes,
[09:11] Oki
    thus making him suffer more.
[09:13] Oki
    As such, it's usually up to the finest
    swordsman in the family to be the assistant.
[09:18] Oki
    Some among them try to
[09:19] Oki
    keep the head from falling to
    the ground and getting dirty
[09:22] Oki
    by leaving just one tiny bit of
    skin attached when they cut it,
[09:25] Oki
    a practice known as the Hung Head
    style of execution, or so I hear.
[09:31] Yae
    Do you mean to say that the murderer
    is one of us executioners?
[09:40] Oki
    And who might you be?
[09:42] Hij
    I asked him to help us
    with the investigation.
[09:45] Hij
    He's the Royal Swordskeeper,
[09:47] Hij
    the 18th Ikeda Yaemon-dono.
[09:50] Oki
    Royal Swordskeeper?
[09:53] Hij
    Basically, the arms magistrate who supervises
    all of the Shogun family's weaponry—
[09:57] Yae
    It's fine.
[09:59] Yae
    No need to address me so formally.
[10:02] Yae
    Everybody knows that trying out
    the swords is but a side job.
[10:08] Yae
    I know that we're called the
    clan of executioners who
[10:11] Yae
    behead those sentenced by the Bakufu,
[10:13] Yae
    no, that we are ridiculed
    as Reapers behind our backs.
[10:19] Oki
    Oh, I get it.
[10:20] Oki
    The quickest way to learn about
    a Reaper is to ask a Reaper—
[10:25] Yae
    Our job may seem like
    dirty work to outsiders,
[10:29] Yae
    but our swords purge criminals of their
    sins and return purity to their souls,
[10:34] Yae
    and we take great pride in them.
[10:36] Yae
    None in our family would swing their
    swords like this, bereft of conviction.
[10:42] Hij
    It's not like we're suspecting you.
[10:45] Hij
    We wanted to ask about this technique—
[10:46] Yae
    Or so I'd like to say,
[10:49] Yae
    but I don't think anyone outside the Ikeda
    family is capable of such a technique.
[10:54] Yae
    It's not that this head was left
    attached by one tiny bit of flesh,
[10:58] Yae
    but rather that it was chopped off so
    skillfully that its cells are coalescing.
[11:03] Yae
    Leaving even a person's cells
    unaware that they've been cut,
[11:05] Yae
    this art truly removes only their soul.
[11:08] Yae
    The Ikeda family's ultimate form
    of the Hung Head Technique,
[11:11] Yae
    Soul Cleansing.
[11:13] Hij
    And how many in your family
    can perform this technique?
[11:16] Yae
    Only a few.
[11:18] Yae
    First, the late former Yaemon.
[11:22] Yae
    The second would be me,
    who inherited the technique.
[11:27] Hij
    There are others, right?
[11:28] Yae
    No, there are none left in the family.
[11:32] Yae
    But there is one on the run.
[11:43] B
    Huh? I'm not hurt at all?
[11:45] G
    Are you all right, kid?!
[11:49] G
    Huh? Everything inside has been cut.
[11:55] G
    Hell, even the truck's been cut?!
[12:17] (Flashback) Yae
    Asaemon, why do you tremble so?
[12:21] (Flashback) Yae
    The man in front of you
    is no longer your master.
[12:26] (Flashback) Yae
    He is a criminal whose
    head you must take.
[12:28] (Flashback) Yae
    Waver not.
[12:30] (Flashback) Yae
    Do your duty.
[12:32] (Flashback) Yae
    When people sin and degenerate into demons,
[12:35] (Flashback) Yae
    we must make them
    human again at their end.
[12:38] (Flashback) Yae
    That is the Ikeda family's duty.
[12:41] (Flashback) Yae
    Would you be kind enough
    to make me human again
[12:45] (Flashback) Yae
    with your sword?
[12:51] (Flashback) Yae
    Never forget.
[12:52] (Flashback) Yae
    The only beings capable of
    turning people human again
[12:56] (Flashback) Yae
    are neither demons that take human heads
[12:59] (Flashback) Yae
    nor Reapers that take their souls,
[13:02] (Flashback) Yae
    but humans who sever their souls to save them.
[13:25] C
    Where'd she go?
[13:26] C
    That way! Look over there!
[13:30] Asa
    They've already got the entire town covered.
[13:34] Asa
    This might be a fitting end for me.
[13:37] Gin
    Not on my watch.
[13:40] Gin
    Aren't you the one who asked
    me to help you commit suicide,
[13:43] Gin
    my dear Reaper?
[13:44] R
    You're—
[13:46] R
    Hey, watch your hands!
[13:53] Gin
    Ikeda Asaemon.
[13:55] Gin
    I never thought
[13:56] Gin
    someone from a family that's served
    as bakufu executioners for generations
[14:00] Gin
    would ask me to behead them.
[14:03] Asa
    And I never thought asking
    you to assist me with suicide
[14:06] Asa
    would lead to your taking
    advantage of it to molest me.
[14:10] Gin
    I'm telling you, I didn't touch nothing!
[14:12] Asa
    You see, compared to girls, Reapers have
    one more private part you shouldn't touch.
[14:17] Gin
    I'm telling you, I didn't
    touch your private parts!
[14:20] Asa
    Privates of the Caribbean.
[14:22] Gin
    That's just a skull!
[14:24] Asa
    It's the skull of Caribbean, the pirate
    said to be the first criminal put down by
[14:29] Asa
    the Ikeda family of bakufu executioners.
[14:31] Asa
    Now that you've laid your hands
    on a Reaper's holy privates,
[14:34] Asa
    you will definitely lose your nape.
[14:37] Gin
    And how exactly are you gonna
    have my nape in your state?
[14:40] Asa
    Oh, did I say nape?
[14:42] Asa
    I meant nip.
[14:48] Gin
    She took my nipple!
[14:49] Gin
    What have you done?! And when?!
[14:52] Asa
    Taking a criminal's head without letting
    them realize they've lost it...
[14:56] Asa
    That's what a Reaper's sword does.
[14:57] Gin
    Lost it? More like "lost teat"!
[14:59] Asa
    No need to worry.
[15:00] Asa
    My sword doesn't even hurt the cells.
[15:03] Asa
    If you put it back, it'll stick.
[15:11] Asa
    Then please draw it back when
    the DVD version comes out.
[15:14] Gin
    Help, Yabuki-sensei!
[15:17] Gin
    Damn you! I'm seriously gonna
    throw you into the depths of Hell!
[15:20] Shin
    Calm down!
[15:21] Asa
    Stop! Don't touch my private parts!
[15:26] Yae
    A job well done, Odd Jobs.
[15:29] Yae
    You actually managed to bring her
    here before the police could.
[15:33] Yae
    As the head of the Ikeda family, I thank you.
[15:36] Asa
    Y-Yaemon-sama...
[15:40] Yae
    You've finally come back home, Asaemon.
[15:46] W
    This is Ishikawa Rokuemon's head.
[15:48] W
    And this is the head of
    Weasel Boy Jirokichi.
[15:51] W
    And that's...
[15:53] W
    Who was it again?
[15:55] W
    Well, it's somebody's nipple.
[15:57] Gin
    Excuse me.
[15:58] Gin
    This nipple looks familiar to me.
[16:01] W
    They're all heads of the heinous
    villains the Ikeda family has put down.
[16:05] Gin
    This is mine, isn't it?
[16:07] Gin
    Why is it already part of your collection?
[16:09] W
    Feel free to observe them all you like.
[16:13] W
    Dinner will be served momentarily.
[16:15] Kag
    That's the mansion of the
    bakufu's executioners for you.
[16:18] Kag
    Everything is so clear-cut.
[16:19] Kag
    They're desperate to show themselves off.
[16:21] Shin
    Uh, Gin-san...
[16:23] Shin
    Can we just take our money and go?
[16:26] Shin
    I don't really feel like eating
    with skulls staring at me.
[16:30] Kag
    Wait up, Shinpachi.
[16:32] Kag
    There's something fishy about
    that young head of the Reapers.
[16:35] Kag
    Oops.
[16:36] Gin
    Guys that put on that Sakai
    Masato-ish fake smile
[16:38] Gin
    tend to be the type to kill people
    with a smile on their face.
[16:42] Gin
    He might've welcomed her back warmly,
[16:44] Gin
    but he's probably trying to wipe out the
    family's black sheep behind closed doors.
[16:48] Gin
    They say a Reaper always
    approaches you with a smile...
[16:50] Yae
    No, that's the devil.
[16:52] Yae
    A Reaper would be standing behind
    you before you even realized it.
[16:56] Yae
    And he'd take your life
    in the blink of an eye.
[17:00] Yae
    I returned your nipple.
[17:10] Yae
    Shall we begin, then?
[17:12] Gin
    Uh, we'll pass for tonight.
[17:15] Yae
    Is something wrong?
[17:16] Gin
    Nah, I'm just starting to
    feel sick of this room—
[17:20] Gin
    I mean, to my stomach.
[17:22] Yae
    Perfect!
[17:24] Yae
    We've prepared a very nutritious
    Ikeda special course for you.
[17:29] Yae
    First, we have the appetizer, live frog.
[17:31] Yae
    Then the side dish, monkey brain,
[17:33] Yae
    and the main course, broiled boar head.
[17:36] Yae
    And then...
[17:36] Gin
    They're all heads!
[17:39] Gin
    W-Wow! They're all unusual dishes!
[17:42] Gin
    B-But do you have anything
    that's a bit closer to home?
[17:47] Asa
    Of course.
[17:48] Asa
    Here's the dessert: somebody's nipple.
[17:50] Gin
    That hits too close to home!
[17:52] Gin
    Enough with the taking it
    off and putting it back on!
[17:55] Gin
    What the hell do you think my nipples are?!
[17:58] Yae
    Asaemon cooked this meal herself.
[18:01] Yae
    I thought it'd be a good way to
    let her thank you personally.
[18:04] Gin
    That's not the point.
[18:06] Gin
    Why the hell are you—
[18:07] Yae
    Why are we welcoming back the
    traitor who killed the former head?
[18:13] Yae
    If you tell anyone else what I tell you,
    I'll have to behead all of you, as well.
[18:19] Yae
    Do you still want to know?
[18:22] Yae
    Asaemon and I are like siblings.
[18:26] Yae
    I'm the former Yaemon's own son,
[18:28] Yae
    whereas Asaemon was an orphan he adopted.
[18:30] Yae
    However, our Ikeda family
    cares not about blood lineage.
[18:34] Yae
    For generations,
[18:36] Yae
    only the most skilled swordsman has
    been chosen as the bakufu executioner
[18:38] Yae
    and inherited the Yaemon name,
    proof of being the Ikeda family head.
[18:43] Yae
    The former Yaemon thought
    we had that potential,
[18:47] Yae
    and so we supported each other like siblings,
[18:49] Yae
    competed like rivals, and
    raised the bar for each other.
SIGN    Yaemon
[18:56] Yae
    People would say the family's
    future would be secure no matter
[19:00] Yae
    which of us became Yaemon.
[19:02] Yae
    But that's when
[19:04] Yae
    it came to light that the former
    Yaemon had gone against his duty
[19:07] Yae
    and secretly helped criminals
    escape in the past.
[19:12] Yae
    If the court were to find out, the
    Ikeda family would've been wiped out.
[19:17] Shin
    Then, did you...
[19:19] Yae
    We punished the former Yaemon in secrecy.
[19:22] Yae
    Asaemon was the one who
    helped him commit suicide.
[19:26] Yae
    But the court was bound to
    learn of his death eventually,
[19:29] Yae
    so Asaemon left home, unbeknownst to all.
[19:32] Yae
    To shroud the truth about the
    former Yaemon's death in darkness,
[19:35] Yae
    she took on the stigma of being
    a traitor who killed her lord,
[19:38] Yae
    and chose the path of wearing
    a bloodied Reaper's mask.
[19:43] Yae
    Asaemon is a loyal retainer who threw
    everything away to protect the Yaemon name.
[19:50] Gin
    Then were you trying to commit suicide
[19:54] Gin
    so you could erase both yourself and
    the truth before you got caught?
[19:58] Ase
    That's not true.
[20:02] Ase
    I'm no loyal retainer.
[20:06] Shin
    Asaemon-san!
[20:09] Yae
    She loved the previous head,
    our master, more than anyone else.
[20:14] Yae
    But I never thought she'd go so
    far to protect Father's name.
[20:18] Yae
    I'm glad we found her before it was too late.
[20:21] Gin
    Listen to yourself.
[20:22] Gin
    It wasn't just the sin of killing
    her lord she took on, right?
[20:26] Gin
    I mean, it'd be bad if the honorable
    family of bakufu executioners
[20:30] Gin
    produced a serial killer, now wouldn't it?
[20:33] Gin
    Especially if it were the head of the family,
[20:35] Gin
    because I hear the entire family
    would have to be wiped out.
[20:40] Yae
    I see.
[20:42] Yae
    You said Reapers approach
    with a smile on their face.
[20:45] Yae
    That might not be all that far off the mark.
[20:48] Yae
    A faint smile, is it?
[20:52] Yae
    You can't call that a crime.
[20:55] Yae
    They were all criminals
[20:57] Yae
    who would've lost their heads if the
    former head hadn't let them escape.
[21:00] Shin
    N-No way!
[21:02] Shin
    Don't tell me, you...
[21:04] Yae
    Asaemon and I shared a vow that day.
[21:08] Yae
    That even if we walked down different
    paths, the sky would keep us connected.
[21:12] Yae
    And under that sky, both
    the Reaper by day and
[21:15] Yae
    the Reaper by night would protect the
    things the previous head left us.
[21:19] Yae
    In my eyes,
[21:20] Yae
    she's also one of the precious things the
    previous Yaemon, my father, left me.
[21:26] Yae
    If I were planning to make
    her a sacrificial pawn,
[21:29] Yae
    I wouldn't have had you bring her back.
[21:32] Gin
    You think you can hide it forever?
[21:34] Yae
    So long as you're not the
    talkative sort, yes.
[21:36] Gin
    Then why'd you take that
    risk by telling us all this?
[21:41] Yae
    Please don't play dumb.
[21:44] Yae
    Now that you've heard all this, you'll
    either have to cooperate with me
[21:48] Yae
    or run into a serial killer
    and lose your head.
[21:58] Yae
    Because the list of criminals the previous
    Yaemon let escape ten years ago
SIGN    Sakata Gintoki
[22:03] Yae
    has your name on it,
[22:08] Yae
    Sakata Gintoki-san.
SIGN    Human or Demon?
SIGN    Preview
SIGN    There's a reason why Gintoki managed to survive
SIGN    after being sentenced to death in the past.
SIGN    Was it coincidence, or fate? Lucky or unlucky?
SIGN    In the midst of doubt, there's a sudden twist in the story!!

E280 - Human or Demon?

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:07] (Flashback) Yae
    Father, I finally did it. I pulled
    off the Soul Cleansing technique.
[00:14] (Flashback) Nbnb
    The one who will join me in carving
    a path to a new era with that sword
[00:19] (Flashback) Nbnb
    will be you,
[00:22] (Flashback) Nbnb
    18th.
SIGN    Human or Demon?
[02:04] Yae
    Sakata Gintoki-san.
SIGN    The Reaper's Request: Please watch this program in
    a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV.
[02:07] Yae
    Or should I call you the
    White Yaksha instead?
[02:12] Yae
    Just like the serial killer's other victims,
SIGN    Sakata Gintoki
[02:15] Yae
    you, too, were supposed to lose
    your head ten years ago...
[02:18] Yae
    A criminal my father let escape.
[02:21] Yae
    Your life was saved by the
    former Yaemon, my father.
[02:28] Yae
    Doesn't that mean
[02:30] Yae
    you have a great responsibility to carry out?
[02:34] Yae
    My father paid for the sin of
    saving criminals with his life.
[02:38] Yae
    And to shroud the truth
    of his death in darkness,
[02:43] Yae
    Asaemon willfully became
    a traitor and a fugitive.
[02:49] Yae
    Since the Ikeda family saved your life,
[02:52] Yae
    surely you'd be justified to use
    it for the Ikeda family's sake?
[02:58] Yae
    Please,
[03:01] Yae
    keep Asaemon safe.
SIGN    Special Police Shinsengumi
[03:04] Hij
    What? They caught the
    serial killer before us?
[03:08] Oki
    Yeah. Looks like the Ikeda
    family got the jump on us.
[03:14] Oki
    Maybe they want to eliminate the one who
    brought shame to their family themselves.
[03:18] Hij
    To hell with that.
[03:19] Hij
    Executioners don't have that kind of authority.
[03:22] Hij
    Tell them to hand over
    the murderer immediately.
[03:26] Oki
    It's too late.
[03:28] Oki
    The murderer's already been
    reduced to a mere head.
[03:30] Hij
    Wh-What?
[03:32] Oki
    It was decided that she
    wouldn't be handed over to us,
[03:35] Oki
    but to the Mimawarigumi.
[03:39] Oki
    After a fair trial,
[03:41] Oki
    she was sentenced to death the same day,
[03:44] Oki
    and the execution has already
    been carried out by Ikeda Yaemon.
[03:49] Hij
    Th-That's absurd!
[03:50] Hij
    There's no way they'd hand
    down a sentence that quickly...
SIGN    Notice of Execution Mimawarigumi Executioner: Ikeda Yaemon Criminal: Ikeda Asaemon
[03:55] Oki
    We even have confirmation from the coroner
[03:58] Oki
    that it was indeed the head
[04:01] Oki
    of the serial killer, Ikeda Asaemon.
[04:06] Asa
    Uh, I apologize if I'm mistaken,
[04:10] Asa
    but I'm still alive, aren't I?
[04:13] Gin
    Just your imagination.
[04:14] Gin
    You're a corpse, so just keep
    your eyes and mouth shut.
[04:17] Asa
    But there's a corpse with his eyes
    wide open right in front of me.
[04:20] Gin
    Who's got a corpse's eyes?
[04:23] Asa
    Then I still haven't managed to die?
[04:27] Gin
    You're dead on paper.
[04:29] Gin
    That's the bakufu executioners for you.
[04:31] Gin
    Looks like you're in cahoots
    with a bunch of people,
[04:33] Gin
    including the Mimawarigumi and the coroners.
[04:36] Gin
    Once you're classified as a corpse, that's that,
[04:39] Gin
    because the corpses of those executed
[04:40] Gin
    become the property of the bakufu
    executioner, the Royal Swordskeeper.
[04:44] Gin
    I hear you guys even provide bodies
    for lords to test their swords on.
[04:49] Asa
    So you were told to let me escape
    by hiding me among those corpses?
[04:52] Gin
    Sheesh.
[04:53] Gin
    First you ask me to finish you off,
    and now I'm supposed to protect you.
[04:57] Gin
    Your family's requests
    are all over the place.
[04:59] Asa
    Does he mean to say that a Reaper
[05:01] Asa
    who can't even have her own head,
[05:04] Asa
    let alone those of sinners,
    can still serve a purpose?
[05:06] Asa
    My sword can no longer cut anything,
[05:10] Asa
    for I've lost my humanity.
[05:17] Gin
    "When people sin and degenerate into demons,
[05:21] Gin
    the only beings capable of turning
    them human again at the end
[05:24] Gin
    are neither demons that take human heads
[05:27] Gin
    nor Reapers that take their souls,
[05:30] Gin
    but humans who sever their
    sins to save their souls."
[05:36] Gin
    That right?
[05:36] Asa
    H-How do you know about that?
[05:41] Gin
    I heard it from a certain
    executioner in the past.
[05:49] Shin
    I'm too scared to ask,
[05:51] Shin
    but I wonder what kind of
    crime Gin-san committed.
[05:55] Shin
    Well, given his history, he could
    be tried for treason at any time...
[06:01] Kag
    He's a walking obscenity.
[06:03] Kag
    It was probably just public
    indecency or something.
[06:07] Kag
    Thanks to that, we're being forced to help
    a family that dabbles in serial killing.
[06:11] Kag
    What a pain.
[06:14] Shin
    It's clear that they contacted us with
[06:16] Shin
    the intent of using us, knowing
    full well who Gin-san really was.
[06:20] Shin
    In which case, even if we manage
    to help Asaemon-san escape,
[06:24] Shin
    after that, we'll be...
[06:26] Kag
    Either way, there's no turning back.
[06:30] Kag
    Whether it's the criminal accomplice
    schtick or a Tasty Stick,
[06:32] Kag
    once you've had a taste, you'd better
    swallow it whole or it'll make a mess.
[06:37] Shin
    We're in huge trouble now,
    thanks to that moron!
[06:40] Kag
    Seriously. Nobody will ever
    take me as a bride now.
[06:43] Oki
    How about I take you, then?
[06:46] Oki
    I've even got a home prepared
[06:48] Oki
    where you'll get three meals a day,
    and you can lead a simple yet quiet life.
[06:53] Oki
    It's also got bars, though.
[06:55] Oki
    This is the police.
[06:56] Oki
    Stop the ship.
[06:58] Oki
    We're gonna take a good look around inside.
[07:05] Asa
    "No matter how many criminals you behead,
[07:08] Asa
    you must never lose the humanity
    needed to save people."
[07:12] Asa
    That was what the former bakufu executioner,
[07:15] Asa
    Ikeda Yaemon, taught me.
[07:19] Asa
    The Soul Cleansing technique
    we use for executions
[07:23] Asa
    is a reflection of that mentality.
[07:25] Asa
    We keep the head from falling
    to the ground and getting dirty
[07:28] Asa
    by taking only their life
[07:30] Asa
    and giving their soul a respectful send-off.
[07:33] Asa
    Ever since I got adopted by my master,
[07:35] Asa
    the teachings essential for a bakufu
    executioner were driven into my head,
[07:39] Asa
    and many criminals were
    punished with my sword.
[07:44] Asa
    But on that day,
[07:46] Asa
    when I had to kill him,
[07:50] Asa
    I suddenly didn't understand anymore.
[07:55] Asa
    Not what "sin" is,
[07:57] Asa
    nor what it means to judge people.
[08:00] Asa
    Because, in my eyes,
[08:04] Asa
    that criminal was the law itself.
[08:07] Asa
    I couldn't kill him unless I forgot
    everything and turned into a demon.
[08:17] Asa
    He meant the world to me,
[08:22] Asa
    and yet I couldn't even
    give him death as a human.
[08:30] Asa
    I wasn't trying to take my own life
[08:33] Asa
    to help the family or anything.
[08:36] Asa
    It was because I knew I was a
    demon that had to be punished.
[08:41] Asa
    Please tell me.
[08:44] Asa
    Was my master really
[08:46] Asa
    a criminal whose sins were so grave
    that he had to be punished by death?
[08:51] Asa
    Was my father really a demon?
[08:57] Gin
    If you consider the law to be right,
[08:59] Gin
    then he was without doubt a demon.
[09:03] Gin
    He let a guy like me
    back into society, after all.
[09:08] Gin
    However,
[09:10] Gin
    humans tend to have
[09:12] Gin
    rules of their own that they
    must uphold over man-made laws.
[09:22] Gin
    Those rules, your father never broke.
[09:27] Gin
    That executioner's conviction
[09:29] Gin
    to respect all people as fellow humans,
[09:31] Gin
    he never lost.
[09:34] Gin
    I don't know if that's good or evil,
[09:38] Gin
    demonic or humane.
[09:41] Gin
    There's no way to tell.
[09:44] Gin
    He was simply a good man.
[09:46] Gin
    A clumsy moron, much like you.
[09:52] Shin
    What do you think you're doing?
[09:54] Shin
    It's well within the authority of
[09:55] Shin
    the Royal Swordskeeper to transport
    the corpses of criminals!
[09:59] Hij
    If it truly were a corpse, sure.
[10:01] Hij
    Check it out, Sogo.
[10:02] Shin
    P-Please wait!
[10:04] Shin
    What gives you the right to do this?
[10:06] Hij
    Don't play dumb with me.
[10:08] Hij
    We know that the serial killings were carried
    out under orders from the Ikeda family.
[10:13] Gin
    Move! Give me some room here!
[10:13] Hij
    We know you're hiding the killer.
    Hurry up and hand them over.
[10:16] Kag
    What are you talking about?
[10:18] Kag
    There are only corpses here, as you can see.
[10:20] Kag
    Quit making baseless accusations!
[10:20] Asa
    You move!
[10:21] Gin
    S-Stop! I'm gonna fart!
[10:22] Kag
    Don't think you can get away
    with this, you damn fuzz!
[10:30] Hij
    Something came out!
[10:31] Kag
    Oh, dear. Looks like there's a rat in here.
[10:36] Shin
    Huh? Now it's popping out from here.
[10:38] Kag
    Sure is one lively rat.
[10:39] Shin
    I know, right?
[10:41] Hij
    Hey!
[10:43] Hij
    No matter how you look
    at it, that's not a rat!
[10:45] Hij
    Sogo, here.
[10:46] Hij
    Check out this barrel!
[10:49] Oki
    Why don't you help out for once?
[10:51] Hij
    But I just told you to examine this one!
[10:53] Oki
    Don't tell me you're afraid
    a ghost might show up.
[10:56] Hij
    Are you stupid?
[10:58] Hij
    Of course not.
[10:59] Hij
    I'm just sick of looking at corpses!
[11:01] Hij
    Outta my way!
[11:05] Gin
    I'll curse your family for
    seven generations, damn you!
[11:09] Oki
    Hijikata-san, there's a corpse
    in there too, you know.
[11:12] Hij
    No, this is the entrance to
    the Mayonnaise Line...
[11:16] Oki
    Pull yourself together.
[11:18] Oki
    We need to find the murderer
    before she's handed over to them.
[11:22] Shin
    "Them"?
[11:23] Oki
    Enough of your little act.
[11:25] Oki
    We know the whole story already.
[11:27] Oki
    We looked into the backgrounds of
    the serial killer and the victims.
[11:31] Oki
    Their identities were well-hidden,
[11:33] Oki
    but they all either were,
    or were related to, rebels—
[11:36] Oki
    people who were to be purged
    after the end of the Joi War.
[11:41] Oki
    They were all involved in
    the Battle of Anekohara,
[11:43] Oki
    where they inflicted a crushing defeat
[11:45] Oki
    on the man known as a great general,
    Lord Hitotsubashi Narifuyu.
[11:48] Oki
    Hitotsubashi may be influential enough
    to take over the bakufu cabinet now,
[11:52] Oki
    but that battle led to him spending a
    long time on the political sidelines.
[11:59] Oki
    After the war,
[12:00] Oki
    the rebels who participated in the fighting,
[12:03] Oki
    and in most cases, their entire clans
    as well, were met with the purge.
[12:09] Oki
    However,
[12:10] Oki
    one man couldn't bear the sight of even
    women and children being mercilessly killed,
[12:13] Oki
    and tried to save them.
[12:16] Oki
    It was the bakufu executioner,
    the former Ikeda Yaemon.
[12:22] Oki
    And now he's been killed,
[12:24] Oki
    and everyone he saved is
    dying one after another.
[12:28] Oki
    What do you think that means?
[12:31] Oki
    Long story short,
[12:34] Oki
    Boss,
[12:36] Oki
    you guys, along with the former
    Yaemon, have been sold out
[12:40] Oki
    to gain favor with Hitotsubashi Nobunobu,
    the one rumored to be the next shogun...
[12:47] Oki
    by that Reaper.
[13:03] Shin
    We've been sold out to the Hitotsubashi?
[13:05] Shin
    What's that supposed to mean?
[13:08] Shin
    Basically,
[13:10] Shin
    the people who'd drawn the
    Hitotsubashi's ire in the past,
[13:12] Shin
    who were supposed to be purged,
    along with their families,
[13:16] Shin
    were secretly allowed to escape
    by the former Yaemon.
[13:20] Shin
    Ten years later, however,
[13:22] Shin
    Yaemon himself was killed
    by the Ikeda family,
[13:26] Shin
    and the people he'd saved were
    wiped out by the serial killer...
[13:31] Shin
    No, by Ikeda family members.
[13:36] Shin
    That's who all the corpses
    being carried on this ship are.
[13:41] Shin
    In order to gain favor with
    the Hitotsubashi faction,
[13:45] Shin
    Yaemon gave you guys up as an offering.
[13:48] Asa
    N-No way!
[13:51] Asa
    That has to be a lie!
[13:52] Oki
    That's rich, coming from someone
    who acted as Yaemon's hound,
[13:56] Oki
    executed the previous head,
    and even became a serial killer.
[13:58] Kag
    Asaemon's no serial killer!
[14:01] Kag
    The only criminal here is Gin-chan!
[14:03] Shin
    No! You don't have to tell
    them that, Kagura-chan!
[14:06] Oki
    Come to your senses already.
[14:08] Oki
    You weren't transporting anything.
    You were being transported.
[14:11] Kag
    Gin-chan was the one
    trafficking the weird powder!
[14:13] Gin
    I never did anything of the sort!
[14:15] Kag
    The kind you deal in the dark.
[14:17] Gin
    Want me to deal with you in the dark?!
[14:19] Oki
    But listen up, Hitotsubashi-san.
[14:21] Oki
    We can't hand this murderer over to you.
[14:25] Oki
    Unfortunately, we're not
    very good at sucking up,
[14:28] Oki
    so if you refuse to keep
    your nose out of this case,
[14:31] Oki
    we'll have to book Lord Hitotsubashi,
[14:34] Oki
    candidate for next shogun or not.
[14:37] G
    Fine.
[14:38] G
    We've filed all the necessary paperwork
    for the cargo on this ship.
[14:42] G
    You have no right to book us for anything!
[14:45] G
    We've been told that all this ship has
    is corpses for Nobunobu-sama
[14:49] G
    to use to test the sword he was presented.
[14:54] G
    Reaper, cut them down.
[14:59] G
    If you side with us,
[15:01] G
    the Ikeda family's position in the
    next bakufu cabinet will be secure.
[15:04] G
    You can even sweep this
    entire matter under the rug.
[15:08] G
    Isn't that why you went so far as
    to kill the man who raised you?
[15:23] (Flashback) Yae
    Asaemon...
[15:24] (Flashback) Yae
    You did well to endure that.
[15:27] (Flashback) Yae
    Raise your head.
[15:29] (Flashback) Yae
    You've fulfilled your duty.
[15:33] (Flashback) Yae
    Be it our father, or our master,
[15:36] (Flashback) Yae
    it is our job to punish all sinners equally.
[15:41] (Flashback) Yae
    You protected the Ikeda family's
    honor, and our father's name,
[15:45] (Flashback) Yae
    with your sword.
[15:51] Asa
    Yaemon-sama...
[15:54] Asa
    Just what...
[15:56] Asa
    Just what did I protect with my sword?
[16:01] Asa
    Did I...
[16:04] Asa
    Did I
[16:08] Asa
    kill him for this?
[16:11] G
    What are you doing? Kill them already.
[16:14] G
    Show us the Reaper's sword skills that
    have taken thousands of criminal's heads.
[16:19] G
    What reason is there to hesitate?
[16:21] G
    Your sword was sullied the moment
    you took your father's head—
[16:30] Gin
    Were you the one just
    running his filthy mouth?
[16:36] Gin
    What part of her sword is sullied?
[16:38] Gin
    Where do you see a Reaper?
[16:41] Gin
    Open your eyes wide and take a good look.
[16:43] G
    Y-You bastard!
[16:46] Gin
    If it's a Reaper you want,
[16:48] Gin
    there's one right here, you stinkin' pigs.
[16:53] G
    What the—
[16:54] G
    What's going on?!
[16:58] Gin
    Sorry to say it,
[17:00] Gin
    but a real Reaper wouldn't take
    your head in one swing.
[17:05] Gin
    A dirty piece of wood is
    all you louts deserve.
[17:11] Gin
    Don't think you're gonna
    die a painless death.
[17:15] G
    You bastards! You'll pay for this—
[17:17] Oki
    Good grief.
[17:19] Oki
    Are you planning on letting
    neither us nor them
[17:24] Oki
    have her
[17:26] Oki
    or your head?
[17:28] Gin
    I only have a head on my shoulders right now
[17:30] Gin
    thanks to a certain moronic executioner.
[17:34] Gin
    So if anyone's gonna have my head,
[17:37] Gin
    I'd rather it be
[17:39] Gin
    another moronic executioner like him.
[17:43] G
    Kill them!
[17:44] G
    Take them out!
[17:49] Gin
    Asaemon!
[17:50] Gin
    Your sword isn't sullied in the least!
[17:53] Gin
    It wasn't you who killed your father,
[17:57] Gin
    but Yaemon and me!
[17:58] Gin
    And yet you still refuse to draw your sword?
[18:03] Gin
    Even when faced with sins
    that must be severed,
[18:05] Gin
    are you still gonna point
    that blade at yourself?!
[18:09] Gin
    Instead of wasting your
    sword on crap like that,
[18:13] Gin
    use it as a crutch to move forward,
[18:16] Gin
    even if your belly's been pierced
    and your guts are spilling out!
[18:20] Gin
    I don't care if you take
    Yaemon's head or mine!
[18:23] Gin
    Use that sword to take out the
    enemies standing in your way!
[18:27] Gin
    Aren't those the executioner's
    teachings you must truly uphold?!
[18:35] (Flashback) Yae
    The only beings capable of
    turning people human again
[18:38] (Flashback) Yae
    are neither demons that take human heads
[18:41] (Flashback) Yae
    nor Reapers that take their souls,
[18:46] (Flashback) Yae
    but humans who sever their sins
[19:00] (Flashback) Yae
    to save their souls.
[19:16] Asa
    Did you really think I'd cut you?
[19:19] Asa
    You're such a fool.
[19:20] Asa
    Did you really just use your own
    head as bait to spur me into action?
[19:25] Asa
    I don't know what kind of
    villainous crimes you committed,
[19:29] Asa
    but I'm starting to see why he saved you.
[19:36] Asa
    And that he did nothing wrong.
[19:41] Kag
    Gin-chan!
[19:42] Shin
    Asaemon-san!
[19:49] Asa
    Step aside.
[19:52] Asa
    Where's Yaemon?
[19:59] Yae
    It's a shame, Asaemon.
[20:03] Yae
    I never thought you'd make
    the same mistake as him.
[20:06] Yae
    Didn't we vow to protect the Ikeda family
    together, from the light and the shadows?
[20:12] Yae
    You've really become a traitor now, huh?
[20:16] Asa
    You're the traitor here,
[20:19] Asa
    bakufu executioner, Ikeda Yaemon.
[20:23] Asa
    I won't let you sully that name any further!
[20:30] Yae
    Are you going to walk down the
    same path as the former head?
[20:33] Yae
    Are you going to abandon your
    duty to save criminals' lives?
[20:38] Asa
    Our duties,
[20:41] Asa
    and the laws we must uphold,
[20:43] Asa
    exist to preserve the humanity of people.
[20:47] Asa
    And he upheld those laws
    by saving innocent lives.
[20:51] Asa
    He was a splendid executioner!
[20:57] Asa
    We're the ones who should be punished
[20:59] Asa
    for murdering him under the
    pretense of protecting our family.
[21:04] Asa
    Yaemon...
[21:09] Asa
    You will die with me here.
[21:14] Yae
    You're prepared to die in
    order to kill me, is it?
[21:16] Yae
    You think that if you stake
    your life on one swing,
[21:19] Yae
    your sword will reach the
    18th Ikeda Yaemon's head?
[21:24] Yae
    You're willing to go so far
[21:25] Yae
    to protect the worthless
    things he left behind?
[21:32] Asa
    Yaemon!
[21:35] Yae
    Too slow.
[21:36] Yae
    My sword has long reached
[21:42] Yae
    your head.
[22:01] Shin
    Asaemon-san!
SIGN    Asaemon's Dignity
[23:35] Yae
    The only beings capable of
    turning people human again
SIGN    Yaemon's Pride
SIGN    What must be upheld...
[23:39] Yae
    are humans who sever their
    sins to save their souls.
SIGN    Preview
SIGN    Farewell, Reaper
[23:46] Asa
    Next Episode: "Farewell, Reaper."
SIGN    Next Episode
    the Reaper Arc reaches its conclusion.
SIGN    The showdown between light and shadow
SIGN    spurs Gintoki into action.
SIGN    The past comes to light,
SIGN    and then...

E281 - Farewell, Reaper

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:30] Asa
    Yaemon...
SIGN    The Reaper's Request: Please watch this program in
    a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV.
[01:33] Asa
    You will die with me here.
[01:38] Asa
    Yaemon!
[01:41] Yae
    Too slow.
[01:43] Yae
    My sword has long reached
[01:46] Yae
    your head.
[02:02] Kag
    Gin-chan!
[02:02] Shin
    Gin-san!
[02:07] Gin
    Asaemon!
[02:18] Yae
    Asaemon,
[02:20] Yae
    neither this man nor the previous head
[02:23] Yae
    deserved to be protected by you.
[02:26] Yae
    "Innocent"?
[02:29] Yae
    Shall I tell you what sin that criminal
    the previous head let escape committed?
[02:34] Kag
    Gin-chan!
[02:36] Yae
    He's a sinner who killed
    your biological father.
[02:50] Yae
    Will I take his head first,
[02:54] Yae
    or will you take mine first?
[02:58] Yae
    Shall we see who's quicker on the draw?
[03:01] Yae
    Or, perhaps, will you take his head yourself?
[03:05] Yae
    That way, you can avenge your real father.
[03:10] Yae
    Ten years ago, your father,
    a Joi rebel, was killed in the Joi War,
[03:17] Yae
    and thus orphaned, you were
    adopted by the previous head.
[03:20] Yae
    That is what you were told, yes?
[03:23] Yae
    But that is not the truth.
[03:26] Yae
    your father survived the war,
    just like this man.
[03:32] Yae
    But once the Hitotsubashi began wiping
    out the survivors after the war,
[03:36] Yae
    he tried to ensure his own safety
[03:38] Yae
    by betraying his former comrades
[03:40] Yae
    and leaking their, and even
    their families', whereabouts
[03:43] Yae
    to aid the Hitotsubashi with their purge.
[03:48] Yae
    But, once he'd served his purpose,
[03:53] Yae
    he was fated to be killed himself.
[03:56] (Flashback) F
    P-Please!
[03:57] (Flashback) F
    Spare my life!
[04:00] (Flashback) F
    I know!
[04:01] (Flashback) F
    You can have my daughter
    as proof of my loyalty!
[04:04] (Flashback) F
    After all, she's just a leech some whore
    gave birth to and abandoned before the war!
[04:12] (Flashback) Gin
    Greetings.
[04:13] (Flashback) Gin
    Who am I, you ask?
[04:15] (Flashback) Gin
    Indeed, I am this idiot's daughter.
[04:20] (Flashback) Gin
    I don't recall ever
    fighting you Hitotsubashi,
[04:23] (Flashback) Gin
    but you can have this scum's and
    my, the White Yaksha's, head.
[04:27] (Flashback) Gin
    In return,
[04:28] (Flashback) Gin
    don't go after the others anymore.
[04:34] Gin
    But the former Yaemon let him live
[04:37] Gin
    and took your father's head.
[04:41] Gin
    Perhaps it was out of
    guilt that he adopted you.
[04:47] Gin
    Either way, the previous head and this man
[04:50] Gin
    are people you were meant
    to exact revenge upon.
[04:54] Gin
    There's only one head that
    needs to be taken here.
[04:57] Gin
    You don't want to send innocent
    heads rolling, now do you?
[05:04] Gin
    Asaemon,
[05:06] Gin
    remove his head.
[05:10] Kag
    Asaemon...
[05:17] Asa
    Please tell me just one thing...
[05:21] (Flashback) Yae
    Would you be kind enough
    to make me human again
[05:26] (Flashback) Yae
    with your sword?
[05:29] Asa
    Did he always intend to die by my hand?
[05:35] Gin
    Beats me.
[05:37] Gin
    But I'm pretty sure he was
    glad it turned out that way.
[05:42] Gin
    Just like me.
[05:47] (Flashback) Asa
    Say,
[05:48] (Flashback) Asa
    why have you been locked up here?
[05:52] (Flashback) Asa
    Did you do something bad?
[05:55] (Flashback) Gin
    Yeah.
[05:56] (Flashback) Gin
    I've done loads of things that'd
    make you piss your pants,
[06:01] (Flashback) Gin
    so I gotta lose my head.
[06:04] (Flashback) Asa
    Really?
[06:06] (Flashback) Gin
    Yeah.
[06:07] (Flashback) Gin
    Get lost. You're annoying me,
    you damn pipsqueak.
[06:10] (Flashback) Asa
    But the executioner was saying
    you weren't really a bad guy.
[06:18] (Flashback) Asa
    That all you did was protect a poor little girl.
[06:24] (Flashback) Asa
    But now you... It's so sad.
[06:28] (Flashback) Asa
    Oh, I know!
[06:31] (Flashback) Asa
    One day, when I become a great executioner,
[06:33] (Flashback) Asa
    I'll take your head for you.
[06:37] (Flashback) Gin
    Seriously?
[06:38] (Flashback) Asa
    Yep!
[06:40] (Flashback) Asa
    I'll cut it nice and good so it doesn't hurt!
[06:43] (Flashback) Asa
    I'll send you to heaven in peace!
[06:45] (Flashback) Asa
    So promise me.
[06:47] (Flashback) Asa
    Until I become a great executioner,
[06:51] (Flashback) Asa
    you can't die, okay?
[06:55] (Flashback) Gin
    That so?
[06:56] (Flashback) Gin
    In peace, huh?
[06:59] (Flashback) Gin
    Sounds good.
[07:01] (Flashback) Gin
    Okay, I promise.
[07:05] Gin
    Send me off in peace, okay?
[07:11] Asa
    Sure.
[07:13] Asa
    I won't mess up this time.
[07:17] Asa
    Never again!
[07:32] Yae
    Asaemon,
[07:34] Yae
    please don't think badly of me.
[07:37] Yae
    The Soul Cleansing technique
    is almost instantaneous.
[07:40] Yae
    The only way to fend it off
[07:42] Yae
    is by having it point elsewhere
[07:44] Yae
    and attacking its blind spot immediately
    after it's been executed.
[07:48] Yae
    Did you really think you, a criminal's
    child, had any right to punish sins?
[07:54] Shin
    Gin-san!
[07:55] Shin
    Asaemon-san!
[08:00] Asa
    You're right.
[08:03] Asa
    The only way to overcome the
    Soul Cleansing technique
[08:05] Asa
    is by attacking its blind spot!
[08:08] Asa
    Like I said already,
[08:10] Asa
    never again will I let
[08:13] Asa
    the heads of the people who saved me
[08:15] Asa
    fall to the ground!
[08:24] (Flashback) Asa
    Wh-What is this?
[08:26] (Flashback) Asa
    Who could've done such a thing?
[08:28] (Flashback) Yae
    Father...
[08:32] (Flashback) Yae
    I finally did it. I pulled off
    the Soul Cleansing technique.
[08:36] (Flashback) Yae
    Now I'm sure to be the next Yaemon, aren't I?
[08:47] Yae
    It'll get there.
[08:49] Yae
    My sword will get there first.
[08:53] Yae
    I've had my eyes fixed on his sword
    from closer than anyone else.
[08:57] Yae
    I've longed for his sword more
    ardently than anyone else.
[09:03] (Flashback) Yae
    It won't cut a thing.
[09:06] (Flashback) Yae
    Your sword is not capable of
    severing the sins of humans.
[09:15] Yae
    And yet, my sword...
[09:19] (Flashback) Yae
    As of this day,
[09:20] (Flashback) Yae
    I appoint Asaemon my successor
    as the Ikeda family head.
[09:29] (Flashback) Nbnb
    If you remain a prisoner
    of antiquated customs
[09:31] (Flashback) Nbnb
    that let outstanding talent go to waste,
[09:34] (Flashback) Nbnb
    your family is bound to die out someday.
[09:37] (Flashback) Nbnb
    You should just eliminate both Yaemons.
[09:42] (Flashback) Nbnb
    The one who will join me in carving
    a path to a new era with that sword
[09:46] (Flashback) Nbnb
    will be you, 18th.
[09:54] Yae
    My sword will reach him!
[10:01] Gin
    It's not gonna reach
[10:03] Gin
    anyone anymore.
[10:13] Yae
    I see.
[10:15] Yae
    By that time, my sword
[10:22] Yae
    was already long broken, huh?
[10:33] G
    F-Fire!
[10:34] G
    Shoot those fiends!
[10:41] Oki
    We're done here.
[10:43] Oki
    Feel free to carry on transporting
    your corpses or whatever.
[10:46] Shin
    Okita-san!
[10:48] Kag
    You bastard!
[10:50] G
    Don't let them leave alive!
[10:57] Hij
    Let's go!
[10:58] Hij
    The Mayonnaise Line is over there!
[11:00] Shin
    Over where?!
[11:04] Oki
    Boss, you should hurry up and run—
[11:07] Shin
    Gin-san, hurry—
[11:10] Asa
    H-Hang in there!
[11:12] G
    Don't let them escape!
[11:17] Asa
    Y-Yaemon?!
[11:21] Yae
    Hurry up and go.
[11:24] Yae
    Now that you've dragged me off the stage,
[11:31] Yae
    who's going to protect the Ikeda family?
[11:39] Asa
    Yaemon, you...
[11:42] (Flashback) Yae
    Let's protect the Ikeda family
[11:46] (Flashback) Yae
    and the things our father left behind
[11:48] (Flashback) Yae
    together, from the light and the shadows.
[11:51] Yae
    I was willing to kill my father
[11:55] Yae
    in order to protect the family
    of bakufu executioners he built.
[12:00] Yae
    And you were willing to kill me
[12:03] Yae
    in order to uphold his executioner's spirit.
[12:08] Yae
    But his sword...
[12:10] Yae
    We both loved his sword.
[12:14] Yae
    That is all.
[12:18] Yae
    Now go,
[12:22] Yae
    Ikeda Yaemon.
[12:32] Nbnb
    Good grief.
[12:33] Nbnb
    I never thought you'd relinquish the name
[12:36] Nbnb
    you killed your father to get your hands on.
[12:40] Nbnb
    I thought we vowed to carve open
    the path to a new era together.
[12:43] Nbnb
    What am I supposed to call you now?
[12:50] Yae
    Patricide,
[12:52] Yae
    serial killer,
[12:54] Yae
    or the fool who sullied
    the Hitotsubashi name.
[12:59] Yae
    Pick whichever you like.
[13:01] Nbnb
    Is that so?
[13:03] Nbnb
    Then...
[13:05] Nbnb
    how about "just a head"?
[13:12] Nbnb
    Yes...
[13:13] Nbnb
    That went pretty well for a first time.
[13:16] Nbnb
    Looks like I could act as the new
    government's executioner myself.
[13:20] G
    Surely you jest.
[13:21] Nbnb
    I'm not kidding.
[13:24] Nbnb
    That said, what I must behead
    is this antiquated country.
[13:29] Nbnb
    I, Hitotsubashi Nobunobu,
[13:31] Nbnb
    am without doubt this country's executioner.
[13:35] G
    My lord, what about the others?
[13:37] Nbnb
    Leave them be.
[13:39] Nbnb
    I'll grant his last wish.
[13:42] Nbnb
    All responsibility lay with him,
[13:45] Nbnb
    and sunk into the ocean along with his head.
[13:49] G
    But my lord!
[13:50] G
    Shigeshige's lapdogs...
[13:53] Nb
    They won't be able to do anything.
[13:56] Nb
    And thanks to them,
[13:59] Nb
    we got to see something amusing, did we not?
[14:03] Nb
    Don't you agree,
[14:04] Nb
    Takasugi-kun?
[14:07] Nb
    It wasn't my intention to steal your prey.
[14:11] Nb
    I heard there was an unusual
    corpse and had it transported,
[14:15] Nb
    but as it turned out, it was still alive...
[14:18] Nb
    That demon.
[14:22] Tak
    You won't be able to take
[14:24] Tak
    his head or mine.
[14:27] Nb
    We may have been bitter enemies in the past,
[14:29] Nb
    but I hold no resentment toward you people.
[14:32] Nb
    In fact, I find you fascinating.
[14:35] Nb
    You hold great power that
    yields not even to the nation,
[14:40] Nb
    be it as allies or enemies.
[14:45] Tak
    So long as you're taking on the bakufu,
[14:47] Tak
    I'm sure I'll stand by your side again.
[14:51] Tak
    But the moment you give up on that,
[14:54] Tak
    the one coming for your head
[14:57] Tak
    could be him
[14:58] Tak
    or me.
[15:01] Tak
    You never know.
[15:13] Asa
    I see.
[15:14] Asa
    So Yaemon...
[15:16] Hij
    We haven't found his body,
[15:19] Hij
    but it'd be safe to assume he was
    taken out by the Hitotsubashi.
[15:23] Asa
    No.
[15:25] Asa
    I was the one who killed him.
[15:28] Asa
    It may have been to protect the family,
[15:31] Asa
    but I took the former Yaemon's head,
[15:33] Asa
    and even his son's life.
[15:36] Asa
    Surely I have no right to
    call myself an Ikeda anymore.
[15:42] Hij
    You executioners might be
    fated to let your heads roll
[15:46] Hij
    in order to defend the Yaemon name.
[15:49] Asa
    In that case,
[15:51] Asa
    then I'm still one head short.
[15:54] Asa
    The bakufu executioner,
[15:56] Asa
    Ikeda Asaemon,
[15:58] Asa
    shall carry out her final duty.
[16:03] Oka
    Prisoner No. MI-32654,
[16:09] Oka
    come on out.
[16:11] Oka
    You guys, too.
[16:13] Oka
    Sorry to keep you waiting.
[16:18] Oka
    It's time for your execution.
[16:24] Shin
    Okita-san, what's the meaning of this?
[16:28] Oki
    Did you think you'd get off
    scot-free after what you did?
[16:32] Oki
    Either you guys
[16:34] Oki
    or Asaemon?
[16:36] Oki
    It's proving difficult to build a
    prosecutable case on all this.
[16:41] Oki
    Firstly, the fact that
    the serial killer victims
[16:43] Oki
    were all criminals who were supposed to
    be beheaded is complicating matters.
[16:49] Oki
    It's become a question of whether
    it's even a punishable offense.
[16:52] Oki
    But most of all, the murderer in question,
[16:54] Oki
    Ikeda Yaemon, has gone missing since then.
[16:58] Oki
    And while it's clear that
[17:00] Oki
    the Hitotsubashi were behind everything,
    including his involvement and disappearance,
[17:03] Oki
    we can't book them for it,
[17:05] Oki
    'cause they haven't outwardly
    dirtied their own hands at all.
[17:09] Oki
    If we try to do it anyway,
[17:10] Oki
    they might end up bringing
    the hammer down on us.
[17:13] Oki
    So in order to resolve this hopeless
    situation once and for all,
[17:18] Oki
    we gotta have you guys take
    all the blame and die.
[17:21] Shin
    Why?!
[17:24] Oki
    To close the book on a scandal,
    you need a scapegoat.
[17:27] Shin
    We're more like sacrificial lambs here!
[17:30] Oki
    Your deaths won't be pointless.
[17:32] Oki
    This will put the issue of our spat
    with the Hitotsubashi to rest,
[17:36] Oki
    and I'll escape a pay cut—
[17:38] Kag
    That's pretty much pointless!
[17:40] Kag
    We're not toilet paper for you bastards
    to wipe your asses with!
[17:43] Oki
    Besides, if you and Asaemon all die,
[17:46] Oki
    surely the bakufu will refrain from
    wiping out the entire Ikeda family.
[17:51] Gin
    Hey. What's that supposed to mean?
[17:53] Oki
    Oh, you didn't know?
[17:56] Oki
    Apparently Asaemon took responsibility
    for this entire uproar
[18:00] Oki
    by committing suicide.
[18:05] Oki
    By offering the two Yaemons' heads
    and her own up as sacrifice,
[18:08] Oki
    she protected the family.
[18:10] Oki
    How far she's come, considering she
    couldn't even kill herself a few days ago.
[18:15] Gin
    Why...
[18:15] Gin
    Why didn't you stop her?!
[18:18] Oki
    Stop her?
[18:19] Oki
    Wake up and listen to yourself, would you?
[18:22] Oki
    Even when you first met her,
[18:24] Oki
    didn't she want to sever her head
[18:27] Oki
    along with the sins she'd committed?
[18:30] Oki
    And you chopped it off for her
[18:33] Oki
    with your pale executioner's sword.
[18:36] Oki
    You're the one who killed her, Boss.
[18:42] Hij
    Now, if we just take your heads,
    everything will be settled.
[18:46] Hij
    In the past, bakufu executioner Ikeda
    Yaemon let a certain criminal escape.
[18:52] Hij
    So taking that criminal's head
[18:54] Hij
    to make amends for it all
[18:58] Hij
    is bakufu executioner
[19:00] Hij
    Ikeda Yaemon's duty, too.
[19:07] Shin
    Asaemon-san...
[19:09] Asa
    ...is gone.
[19:11] Asa
    The Reaper no longer exists.
[19:16] Asa
    Didn't you help her commit suicide yourself?
[19:19] Asa
    Your sword reached her.
[19:24] Asa
    It was a pure swing that
    cleansed her soul without
[19:27] Asa
    letting her head fall to the ground.
[19:29] Asa
    You three are my precious executioners
[19:34] Asa
    who helped me remember
    the most important thing
[19:37] Asa
    and made me human again.
[19:41] Asa
    I shall waver no longer.
[19:43] Asa
    The woman before you is not a
    demon consumed by her sins,
[19:47] Asa
    nor a Reaper afraid to punish sins,
[19:51] Asa
    but a bakufu executioner,
[19:54] Asa
    the 19th Ikeda Yaemon.
[19:58] Gin
    You...
[20:00] Oki
    So, yeah.
[20:02] Oki
    We'll write Ikeda Asaemon off
    as having committed suicide.
[20:06] Hij
    We leave the rest to you, 19th.
[20:10] Hij
    Yaemon's sword needs no observers.
[20:14] Hij
    Should we ever run into some morons
    with heads still on their shoulders...
[20:17] Oki
    We can just consider them corpses with
[20:20] Oki
    their heads attached by
    one tiny bit of flesh, right?
[20:23] Asa
    Yes.
[20:25] Asa
    Yaemon's sword does not make mistakes.
[20:43] Asa
    There's no longer
[20:45] Asa
    a single criminal here
[20:47] Asa
    who must be punished.
[21:05] (Flashback) Yae
    When people sin and degenerate into demons,
[21:09] (Flashback) Yae
    the only beings capable of
    turning them human again
[21:12] (Flashback) Yae
    are humans.
[21:14] (Flashback) Yae
    That's why I have no right to cut you.
[21:19] (Flashback) Yae
    A demon has no right to cut a fellow demon.
[21:23] (Flashback) Yae
    You promised, did you not?
[21:29] (Flashback) Asa
    One day, when I become a great executioner,
[21:33] (Flashback) Asa
    I'll take your head for you.
[21:36] (Flashback) Asa
    So promise me.
[21:38] (Flashback) Asa
    Until I become a great executioner,
[21:43] (Flashback) Asa
    you can't die, okay?
[21:49] Gin
    Pops...
[21:51] Gin
    Think I've become a somewhat
    better person now?
[22:05] Gin
    Wait...
[22:06] Gin
    She took my damn nipple again!
SIGN    Farewell, Reaper
SIGN    A Phoenix Rises from the Ashes
    Over and Over
[23:45] Mad
    Next Episode: "A Phoenix Rises
    from the Ashes Over and Over."
SIGN    The next episode is a summer vacation special,
SIGN    where we'll run the traditional summer scary story.
SIGN    Make sure not to
SIGN    watch it alone...

E282 - A Phoenix Rises from the Ashes Over and Over

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Hasegawa Taizo's request: Be sure to watch this program
    in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV...
[01:35] G
    That was so much fun!
[01:37] G
    Tomorrow, let's invite Kagura-chan
    out and set off fireworks.
[01:40] G
    Sure.
[01:41] G
    Summer vacation really is a blast.
[01:43] G
    You can say that again.
[01:45] G
    I wish it would never end.
[01:50] H
    Are you sure about that?
[01:59] H
    Do you really want summer
    vacation to last forever?
[02:04] H
    If summer vacation were endless,
[02:06] H
    what would you want to do?
[02:09] H
    Keep vacationing forever?
[02:11] H
    Keep vacationing even as your
    classmates enter a new school term?
[02:15] H
    Keep vacationing even as they all graduate,
[02:17] H
    become independent, and start working?
[02:20] H
    Keep vacationing even as your
    parents make sarcastic remarks
SIGN    Do Not Disturb!
[02:24] H
    about how your friend So-And-So
    got promoted or married?
[02:27] H
    "Really, I wanted to get a job too,
[02:29] H
    and get married, and repay my parents
    for all they've done for me."
[02:31] H
    With such thoughts in your head,
SIGN    Mother of a Home Security Guard
[02:35] H
    would you stay in your room,
    left alone with nobody to call family,
[02:39] H
    and keep vacationing?
[02:41] H
    Of course you would.
[02:43] H
    You were the one who wished
    for an eternal summer vacation,
[02:46] H
    so you'd have to keep on vacationing,
[02:49] H
    with no vacations from your vacationing!
[02:52] H
    Do you get it now?
[02:54] H
    Vacations can only exist
    after work obligations,
[02:57] H
    the basis of the human lifestyle, are fulfilled!
[03:00] H
    You can't call a year-round
    vacation a vacation at all!
[03:04] H
    The same holds true for everything.
[03:06] H
    An endless vacation is the same as work.
[03:09] H
    It turns into an obligation,
    a source of pain.
[03:12] H
    You can only enjoy a vacation
    because it'll end someday.
[03:15] H
    You can only keep working
    because it'll end someday.
[03:19] H
    An endless summer vacation is no
    different from an eternal hell!
[03:26] H
    Thank your lucky stars!
[03:29] H
    Be thankful that your life has both
    obligations and vacations, both ups and downs!
[03:33] H
    Thankful that your summer vacation can
    still be called a summer vacation!
SIGN    A Phoenix Rises from the Ashes
    Over and Over
[03:47] H
    In the midst of my endless summer vacation,
[03:50] H
    that was the only obligation I had left.
[03:54] B
    Summer vacation's the best!
[03:58] H
    What's so great about it?
[04:00] B
    It's him!
[04:04] H
    When kids gather at our home, the park,
[04:07] H
    and stay out playing too late,
    I warn them not to get too excited,
[04:10] H
    and send them on their way home.
[04:13] H
    Summer is a demon.
[04:15] H
    Conventional wisdom says summer is when
    youths start going down the wrong path.
[04:19] B
    Since it's summer vacation, what
    say we hit up the beach tomorrow?
[04:23] H
    Why does it have to be
    during summer vacation?
[04:27] G
    No! Don't leave me here alone!
[04:30] H
    As someone who's walked
    down the wrong path myself,
[04:32] H
    there are things that only I can say.
[04:34] H
    Using my life as an example,
[04:36] H
    I kept enlightening them to what
    life and summer vacation truly are.
[04:44] H
    But the number of kids gathering
    at the park didn't go down.
[04:48] H
    Far from it.
[04:51] B
    Hey, mister.
[04:54] B
    You're the guy who's going around
    telling scary stories, right?
[04:58] B
    I hear they're super scary.
[05:01] B
    Would you tell us one, too?
[05:08] H
    Before I knew it...
[05:10] H
    I'd become the scary-story teller.
[05:12] Shin
    How?!
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[05:14] Shin
    How did the guy keeping kids
    on the straight and narrow
[05:17] Shin
    become the friendly scary-story teller?!
[05:19] H
    I have no idea.
[05:20] H
    All I did was complain or tell
    them stories of my failures,
[05:23] H
    but it scared the living
    daylights out of those brats.
[05:26] H
    Now they come around to listen to
    my One Hundred Complaining Tales.
[05:31] Shin
    What happened to the guy telling
    them not to stay out too late?!
[05:34] H
    And it's turning out to be quite profitable.
[05:36] H
    Kids these days have a lot of money, huh?
[05:38] Shin
    What's wrong with you?! They're kids!
[05:40] Shin
    You're the one who's strayed farthest
    from the straight and narrow!
[05:43] H
    I can finally escape my
    eternal summer vacation now.
[05:47] H
    Or so I thought,
[05:48] H
    but I've run out of things to complain about.
[05:52] H
    I thought I'd collect some
    actual scary stories here
[05:54] H
    and get this business on the road.
[05:56] H
    Do you know of any?
[05:58] Gin
    Scary stories?
[06:00] Gin
    I hate those kinds of baseless
    fabrications most of all.
[06:04] H
    You can't handle them, right?
[06:05] H
    So you should know better than
    anyone what's scary and what's not.
[06:08] Gin
    Th-They don't scare me at all.
[06:10] H
    Tell me one, then.
[06:12] H
    I'll split the profits with you, of course.
[06:14] Kag
    Really?
[06:15] Kag
    I'll tell you some stories I know, then.
[06:17] H
    I need stuff that sends chills down the spine!
[06:20] Kag
    Got it.
[06:23] Kag
    In a land far, far away,
[06:26] Kag
    there were five boys protecting a goddess.
[06:29] Kag
    But one day,
[06:36] Kag
    the goddess's chest was pierced
    by an enemy's arrow,
[06:39] Kag
    and the boys had to charge
    into the enemy's base
[06:42] Kag
    in order to save her life.
[06:50] Kag
    And so, the boys had to climb
[06:52] Kag
    this long-ass staircase leading
    to the Houses of Zodiac
[06:55] Kag
    for what seemed like an eternity,
[06:56] Kag
    ruining their summer vacation.
[06:58] H
    That's a stair-y story,
    not a scary one!
SIGN    Stair-y Story
[06:59] H
    And isn't that Saint Seiya?!
[07:03] Kag
    Pitter patter, pitter patter...
[07:08] Kag
    No matter how much they climbed,
    there were no Houses in sight.
[07:12] Kag
    "Huh? That's weird. How much
    farther to the Houses?
[07:15] Kag
    Are they in Another Dimension?"
[07:18] Kag
    Pitter patter...
[07:20] Kag
    But they still couldn't see the Houses.
[07:22] H
    Try and sound like Inagawa Junji all
    you want, it's still Saint Seiya!
[07:25] H
    I want to hear scary stories!
[07:28] H
    You know, the ones with shocking
    twists like "it's you" at the end!
[07:32] H
    Get a clue, would you?!
[07:34] Kag
    It's... you!
[07:37] H
    I didn't mean as a comic retort!
[07:38] Kag
    Oh, okay.
SIGN    Sugar Content
[07:39] Kag
    You want "it's you," right?
[07:41] Kag
    You should've said so.
[07:42] H
    I've been saying it all along.
[07:45] Kag
    In a land far, far away,
[07:47] Kag
    there were a pair of siblings who
    were abandoned by their parents.
[07:51] Kag
    They lived in poverty, but they
    got by with each other's support.
[07:55] Kag
    But one time, the younger brother fell ill,
[07:59] Kag
    and with no money and no family to turn to,
[08:02] Kag
    the older brother left him
    at a shrine and ran away.
[08:08] Kag
    Even though he'd convinced himself
    that somebody would save his brother,
[08:13] Kag
    the older brother was so scared,
    he never went back to the shrine.
[08:20] Kag
    Five years later,
[08:21] Kag
    once he'd found a job and was
    leading a stable lifestyle,
[08:25] Kag
    he made up his mind to return to the shrine.
[08:32] Kag
    Of course, he didn't see his
    brother on the shrine grounds.
[08:38] Kag
    Instead, he found a child
    sobbing in front of the shrine.
[08:43] Kag
    For some reason, the sight
    reminded him of his brother.
[08:47] Kag
    Unable to ignore the child,
    he approached him.
[08:52] Kag
    "Are you lost, kid?"
[08:55] Kag
    "Where'd your mother go?"
[08:57] Kag
    The boy didn't reply.
[09:00] Kag
    "What about your father, then?"
[09:02] Kag
    The boy didn't reply.
[09:10] Kag
    "What about your brother, then?"
[09:15] LB
    That
[09:17] LB
    is a question you should be asking yourself,
[09:19] LB
    brother!
[09:24] LB
    Got you!
[09:25] LB
    None can escape Andromeda's Web!
[09:28] LB
    You will die with me here, brother!
[09:35] BB
    Did you really think a puny web like
    this could clip a phoenix's wings?
[09:39] LB
    Brother?
[09:45] BB
    Who's going to die here?
[09:51] BB
    It's you!
[09:57] H
    What kind of "it's you" usage is that?!
[10:00] H
    Why'd it turn into Saint Seiya
    at the crucial moment?!
[10:02] Kag
    I'm pretty sure that's how
    the story I heard went.
[10:05] H
    That's not how you use "it's you"!
[10:08] H
    When the little brother turns around...
[10:10] LB
    It's you!
[10:12] H
    Got it?
[10:13] H
    Why does it end with the
    older one firing back at him?
[10:15] H
    What kinda scary story is that?
[10:16] Gin
    Scary...
[10:18] Gin
    Super scary!
[10:19] H
    What part of that story made you freak out?!
[10:21] Gin
    T-Toei Animation's gonna kill us!
[10:25] H
    Okay, yeah, that's scary.
[10:26] H
    Really scary.
[10:28] Shin
    Close, but no cigar.
[10:30] Shin
    Scary stories need to give people goosebumps.
[10:33] Kag
    Huh? You got a problem, four-eyes?!
[10:36] Kag
    Let's see you try, then!
[10:38] Shin
    Everyone might've heard this one already...
[10:41] H
    No problem. It's sure to be better
    than Kagura-chan's stories, at least.
[10:43] Kag
    Say what?!
[10:44] Kag
    This better be real scary, or I'm
    breaking your glasses and your shades!
[10:51] Shin
    That...
[10:55] Shin
    comes right after these ads.
[11:01] Shin
    In a land far, far away,
[11:03] Shin
    there was a husband and
    wife, and their daughter,
[11:05] Shin
    a family of three.
[11:09] Shin
    But the couple's relationship was on the rocks,
[11:12] Shin
    and perhaps due to that,
[11:13] Shin
    the husband started having an affair,
[11:16] Shin
    and before long, began considering
    his wife's mere presence a bother.
[11:24] Shin
    Perhaps what happened then
    was the work of fate.
[11:29] Shin
    In the midst of another fight,
[11:31] Shin
    the husband was overcome with rage
[11:38] Shin
    and murdered his wife.
[11:41] Shin
    Before their daughter woke up,
[11:44] Shin
    he carried his wife's body up the mountains,
    and buried it there in the dead of night.
[11:51] Shin
    On the way back,
[11:53] Shin
    despite his relief at being freed of his wife,
[11:57] Shin
    he felt his feet growing
    more and more sluggish.
[12:01] Shin
    The guilt of committing a
    murder played a part,
[12:04] Shin
    but most of all, his daughter
    weighed heavily on his mind.
[12:09] Shin
    What if she asked where her mother went?
[12:13] Shin
    How was he supposed to face her from then on?
[12:17] Shin
    The more he thought about it,
    the heavier his body felt.
[12:27] Shin
    Completely unaware of how he felt,
[12:30] Shin
    the daughter woke up that morning
[12:33] Shin
    with a smile on her face.
[12:36] Shin
    She did not ask about her mother,
[12:37] Shin
    but wore a beaming smile.
[12:40] Shin
    Rather than making the husband relieved,
[12:43] Shin
    that smile only made him uneasy.
[12:45] Shin
    When he asked her why she was
    in such a good mood, she said,
[12:49] Shin
    "Because even though you two
    were fighting all the time,
[12:53] Shin
    it looks like you've finally made up."
[12:56] Shin
    "Your mother's not here.
    She's visiting her family."
[12:59] Shin
    When her father inadvertently
    uttered that lie,
[13:01] Shin
    the daughter said in reply,
[13:03] Shin
    "What are you saying, Dad?
[13:05] Shin
    Mom's right there, clinging to your back."
[13:11] Shin
    That's right...
[13:12] Kag
    A Phoenix rises from the ashes over and over!
[13:15] H
    Where the hell did Phoenix come from?!
[13:18] Shin
    Kagura-chan! Could you not
    shoehorn Phoenix into my story?!
[13:21] Kag
    That was too cliched.
[13:22] Kag
    Scary stories are all about adding
    original elements to familiar stories.
[13:27] H
    Original, my foot!
[13:28] H
    That was totally a rip-off!
[13:30] H
    Don't go adding stupid things!
[13:31] H
    Cliched is fine!
[13:33] H
    You know, stuff where a ghost
    approaches someone and says
[13:36] H
    "right behind you" at the
    end is perfectly fine!
[13:43] G
    Curses! Where did he go?!
[13:48] Ph
    "Right behind you!"
[13:49] H
    Why is Phoenix sneaking
    around to the ghost's back?!
[13:52] H
    That's the ghost's job! The ghost is
    supposed to take the back!
[13:57] G
    So this is Phoenix's bag.
[13:59] H
    Why would she take his bag?!
[14:03] Ph
    That's just an illusion.
[14:04] Ph
    Looks like you fell for
    my Demonic Illusion Fist.
[14:06] H
    Enough with Phoenix already!
[14:09] H
    He's so OP, he ruins scary
    stories at Mach speed!
[14:11] H
    Hey, tell her off, Gin-san.
[14:15] Gin
    Before, it was To Love-Ru and
    Kuroko people coming after us,
[14:19] Gin
    and this time...
[14:21] Gin
    This is bad!
[14:21] Gin
    No amount of pastry boxes will be enough!
[14:24] H
    There was something scarier
    than scary stories!
SIGN    Sugar Content
[14:27] Gin
    All right, fine.
[14:28] Gin
    If I leave you guys to
    your devices any longer,
[14:30] Gin
    we'll only make more enemies.
[14:32] Gin
    I'd rather deal with a
    ghost than the Gold Saint.
[14:40] Gin
    Allow me to present to you
    a very special scary story.
[14:43] Gin
    You said you were fine with the
    "right behind you" types, right?
[14:48] Gin
    In a land far, far away
    lived a very wealthy lady.
[14:53] Gin
    One day, she got a new
    pegasus doll as a present,
[14:59] Gin
    so she threw away her
    unicorn doll named Jabu.
[15:02] H
    This reeks of Seiya already!
[15:04] H
    That's Lady Saori, isn't it?!
[15:08] Gin
    One day,
[15:10] Gin
    she was alone in her mansion
[15:13] Gin
    when the ringing of the telephone
    echoed through the hallways.
[15:19] Gin
    She picked up the receiver, only to
    hear a creepy voice from the other end.
[15:23] J
    Hello? It's me, Jabu.
[15:25] J
    Why'd you throw me away?
[15:26] J
    You'll pay for that.
[15:31] J
    I'm heading over right now.
[15:36] G
    At first, the lady thought
    it was just a prank call
[15:39] G
    and laughed it off.
[15:41] G
    However...
[15:49] J
    Hello? It's me, Jabu.
[15:50] J
    I'm at the intersection on Third now.
[15:52] J
    We'll see each other soon.
[15:55] S
    I-It can't be. It can't be Jabu.
[15:57] S
    How could a fodder character who
    was eliminated in volume three
[16:00] S
    of the manga come back now?
[16:02] S
    I don't believe it.
[16:03] H
    What are you even talking about?!
[16:05] G
    Paying no heed to the panicking
    lady, the phone kept ringing.
[16:11] J
    Hello? It's me, Jabu.
[16:13] J
    The signal just turned green.
[16:15] H
    Oh, I get it.
[16:16] H
    He's gonna gradually get closer before
[16:17] H
    saying he's right behind
    her at the end, right?
[16:22] J
    Hello? It's me, Jabu.
[16:24] J
    I just took a right at the intersection.
[16:29] J
    Hello? It's me, Jabu.
[16:30] J
    I'm at the intersection.
[16:31] H
    He's back at the intersection?
[16:35] J
    Hello? It's me, Jabu.
[16:36] J
    I just took a left at the intersection.
[16:39] H
    His reports are getting too detailed!
[16:40] H
    There's too much Jabu in this thing.
[16:43] J
    Hello? It's me, Jabu.
[16:44] J
    I just got back to the intersection.
[16:46] H
    What does he mean, he got back?
[16:47] H
    He's done nothing but wander around
    the intersection for a while now!
[16:50] J
    Hello? It's me, Jabu.
[16:52] J
    I'm in front of the police box.
[16:53] H
    He's lost, isn't he?
[16:55] H
    Jabu's totally lost, isn't he?
[16:57] H
    Is he gonna be all right?
[16:58] H
    He's gonna make it, right?
[17:02] J
    Hello? It's me, Jabu.
[17:03] J
    I just got to the airport.
[17:05] H
    He's coming by plane?!
[17:06] H
    Was he really thrown that far away?!
[17:08] H
    Just how long is this gonna take?!
[17:12] J
    Hello? It's me, Jabu.
[17:13] J
    My horn just triggered a body search.
[17:16] H
    Who cares?! Hurry it up!
[17:21] J
    Hello?
[17:22] J
    I apologize for calling at
    this late hour. It's me, Jabu.
[17:25] J
    Oh, not the unicorn. Just a horse.
[17:28] J
    I'm really sorry for calling so many times.
[17:31] H
    He got his horn broken off!
[17:33] H
    He's lost his edge and become much mellower!
[17:35] J
    Um, so about my promise to meet you...
[17:38] J
    I'm in Morocco for personal reasons,
    so I might not make it today.
[17:42] H
    Morocco?
[17:43] H
    He lost his horn in Morocco?
[17:46] J
    Actually, where in heaven's
    name are you, girl?
[17:48] J
    Couldn't you have told me you were
    moving? Gosh, that's so cold of you!
[17:53] H
    What the hell?! Why is he
    talking all feminine now?!
[17:55] H
    Is that what "losing his
    horn" actually meant?
[17:57] J
    What? You're in Morocco, too?
[18:00] H
    Why is the lady helping Jabu out?!
[18:03] J
    She says to send her a selfie
    with where I'm at right now.
[18:04] J
    Hang on just a teensy-weensy
    sec! I'll send it over ASAP!
[18:06] H
    Are you two friends or something?!
SIGN    Open Cancel
[18:17] S
    I'm...
[18:20] S
    right behind you!
[18:24] H
    That's where you use it?!
[18:25] H
    Instead of Jabu, the lady
    says "right behind you"?
[18:29] Gin
    But it'd be scary if Jabu said it.
[18:31] H
    That's the point!
[18:33] Gin
    Jabu got to meet the lady,
[18:35] Gin
    and it turned into a
    heartwarming scary story.
[18:37] Gin
    All's well that ends well, right?
[18:39] H
    That wasn't heartwarming or scary at all!
[18:42] H
    Normally, Jabu would gradually draw closer
[18:45] H
    and get all the way to her room!
[18:53] H
    And then, the lady turns to
    the last resort and cuts off
[18:57] H
    the phone line.
[19:07] H
    Just when she thinks she's saved...
[19:12] J
    Milady. It's me, Jabu.
[19:14] J
    I'm...
[19:16] Ph
    It's you!
[19:19] H
    We don't need the "it's you"!
[19:20] H
    That was the punchline for
    the previous scary story!
[19:22] H
    This one's is "right behind you"!
[19:25] Ph
    Right behind you!
[19:27] H
    Not behind Phoenix!
[19:29] H
    Just how many Phoenixes are there?!
[19:31] Kag
    Like I told you,
[19:33] Kag
    a Phoenix rises from the ashes over and over.
[19:35] H
    Not that! Behind the lady...
[19:38] Shin
    ...Phoenix is clinging to your back.
[19:40] H
    What the hell?! Enough of that!
[19:43] Kag
    It's you!
[19:45] H
    I told you, we used that punchline already!
[19:47] Gin
    Right behind you!
[19:50] Shin
    Phoenix is clinging.
[19:53] Kag
    It's you!
[19:54] Gin
    Right behind you!
[19:55] Shin
    Phoenix is clinging.
[19:56] Kag
    It's you!
[19:58] Gin
    Right behind you!
[19:58] Shin
    Phoenix is clinging.
[19:59] Kag
    It's you!
[20:01] Gin
    Right behind you!
[20:02] Shin
    Phoenix is clinging.
[20:03] Kag
    It's you!
[20:04] Gin
    Right behind you!
[20:05] Shin
    Phoenix is clinging.
[20:06] Kag
    It's you!
[20:07] Gin
    Right behind you!
[20:07] H
    The scare in this case is a
    staircase filled with Phoenixes?!
[20:08] Shin
    Phoenix is clinging.
[20:10] H
    Enough! I'm done asking you guys for help!
[20:12] H
    I'd be better off making
    something up myself—
[20:33] Gin
    Hello?
[20:35] P
    Hello? Is this Sakata
    Gintoki-san's residence?
[20:39] P
    I'm calling from the Oedo Copyright Agency...
[20:44] H
    I'm at the intersection on Third right now.
[21:55] G
    Hello, you've reached Sunrise—
[21:56] G
    I mean, Bandai Namco Pictures.
[22:00] G
    Hello?
[22:01] G
    I'm calling from the Copyright Agency...
SIGN    Preview
[23:37] Shin
    O Lady Robokko, please hear us.
[23:39] Kag
    Will we be forgiven for our sins?
[23:43] Gin
    Huh?
[23:43] Gin
    Wait, after all this time...
[23:46] Gin
    It's the shogun?!
[23:48] Tam
    "Amen."
SIGN    Amen
SIGN    Man, that was terrifying!!!
SIGN    We nearly wet ourselves!!!
SIGN    Next episode, we repent for all kinds of mistakes
SIGN    by opening a "Confessional Booth"!

E283 - Amen

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Snack Otose
SIGN    Tama's request: Please watch this program in a bright
    room and at a safe distance from your TV.
[01:32] T
    To err is human,
[01:35] T
    but so, too, is to repent for those mistakes
[01:37] T
    and learn from them.
[01:40] G
    Tama-chan!
[01:42] G
    I'll be frank and apologize.
[01:45] G
    Thanks for listening to my confession.
[01:47] T
    No problem. Take good care of your wife.
[01:50] G
    Hey, Yosaku!
[01:51] G
    If you're done, then scram already!
[01:52] G
    There's a line waiting here!
[01:54] G
    Tama-chan, listen to my confession next!
[01:57] G
    You just want to have a
    chat with her, don't you?
[01:59] G
    Like you're one to talk!
[02:03] Gin
    Hey, what's all this racket?
[02:06] Shin
    Is she giving consultations or something?
[02:08] Kag
    It looks more like a confessional booth.
[02:12] O
    She was only lending an ear
    to whining drunkards at first.
[02:16] O
    Perhaps they found it easier to
    spill the beans to a machine.
[02:20] O
    Now I don't know if this
    is a snack bar or a church.
[02:23] Shin
    But aren't you getting more
    customers thanks to that?
[02:26] O
    Nah, they're all more interested
    in confessing than drinking alcohol.
[02:30] G
    Tama-chan!
[02:31] G
    I hereby swear never to drink alcohol again!
[02:34] O
    We're even getting people like him.
[02:37] C
    Listen up, you louts!
[02:38] C
    This is a mecca for old men to partake
    in alcohol and wholesome debauchery.
[02:42] C
    If you're not interested in me,
    then get the hell outta here!
[02:47] C
    Tama-sama, being too risque
    is a sin too, isn't it?
[02:51] T
    Not to worry.
[02:52] T
    You aren't the least bit risque.
[02:54] T
    Just grotesque.
[02:55] C
    Who are you calling Dr. Gero?!
[02:56] C
    Want me to marry you off to Krillin,
    you damn artificial human?!
[03:00] O
    Well, I don't really mind, if being of
    help to people makes Tama happy.
[03:05] Gin
    That won't do, Gran.
[03:07] Gin
    I've heard your confession.
[03:09] Gin
    Leave your repentance to me.
SIGN    Amen
[03:20] T
    Um, Gintoki-sama...
SIGN    Robokko's Confessional
[03:22] T
    What is this?
[03:24] G
    Rejoice. You have your own shop now.
[03:27] G
    Listen to confessions here from now on.
SIGN    1000 yen per confession!!
SIGN    Would you like to repent for your sins?
SIGN    Complete privacy guaranteed. All confessions heard will be deleted from memory.
[03:29] T
    Are you telling me to turn it into a
    business? I can't take money for this.
[03:32] Gin
    No problem.
[03:33] Gin
    20% of the revenue will go to Gran as rent,
[03:36] Gin
    and 80% will go to me as
    compensation for my assistance.
[03:39] T
    Gintoki-sama, a different
    problem has popped up now.
[03:42] Gin
    Don't get the wrong idea.
[03:43] Gin
    I just want to help you fulfill your
    dream of being of use to humans.
[03:48] Gin
    With this, the people who confess
    to you will gain salvation.
[03:50] Gin
    And so will you, for being of use to them.
[03:53] Gin
    And lastly, so will my finances.
[03:55] Gin
    Everybody wins.
[03:57] T
    I think that last person is beyond salvation.
SIGN    Robokko's Confessional
[03:59] Gin
    Anyway, you simply have to do
    what you've always done here.
[04:02] T
    But...
[04:03] Gin
    Don't worry. If you run into trouble,
    I'll be standing by in back to help you.
[04:07] Gin
    So go break a leg.
[04:08] T
    O-Okay.
[04:11] Gin
    Who would've thought there was
    such a great way to make money?
[04:13] Gin
    I repent the fact
[04:14] Gin
    that I was running a worthless
    business like Odd Jobs until now.
[04:18] C
    Uh, excuse me.
[04:19] Gin
    Oh, someone's here already.
[04:20] C
    I'd like to remain anonymous, if possible.
[04:22] T
    Oh, rest assured.
[04:25] T
    Your face isn't visible from here,
[04:27] T
    and your voice has been altered
    using that special mic.
[04:29] C
    That's a relief.
[04:31] C
    In that case, could you
    listen to my confession?
[04:34] Gin
    He must be around fifteen or sixteen.
[04:36] Gin
    Teenage boys do worry about
    the most pointless things.
[04:40] C
    I've committed a huge sin.
[04:44] C
    I'm undergoing my apprenticeship
    at a certain place,
[04:47] C
    but the boss there is a piece of shit.
[04:49] Gin
    Yeah, that happens to everyone.
[04:52] C
    Even though he works me to death,
[04:54] C
    he doesn't pay me on time,
[04:55] C
    he's stingy, shady,
[04:57] C
    and his feet are stinky.
[04:58] Gin
    Yeah, that guy sounds pretty shitty.
[05:00] Gin
    Does someone that awful really exist?
[05:02] C
    So the other day, I got kinda mad
[05:05] C
    and threw the mop while cleaning his room,
[05:08] C
    only to have it hit one of his
    treasures and break it.
[05:11] C
    Lady Robokko,
[05:13] C
    will my sin be forgiven?
[05:17] T
    Gintoki-sama?
[05:18] Gin
    There's no need to apologize for that.
[05:20] Gin
    Such a piece of shit deserves
    to have all his stuff destroyed.
[05:26] T
    The heavens declare that you are blameless,
[05:30] T
    and that your shitty boss will
    be subject to divine punishment.
[05:33] C
    I see. That sounds about right.
[05:35] C
    I mean, he's always putting me through hell.
[05:38] C
    Then, as much as it hurts me to do this,
[05:40] C
    it's already broken, anyway.
[05:42] C
    Why would you buy the
    weather reporter's figurine?
[05:45] C
    For an adult, that's way too creepy!
[05:46] C
    Here's your divine punishment!
[05:48] C
    Thank you.
[05:50] C
    Amen.
[05:52] T
    Amen.
[05:54] Gin
    Uh, what is that?
[05:56] T
    Looks like a figurine of Ketsuno Ana.
[05:58] Gin
    Oh, is that so?
[06:00] Gin
    For such a shitty boss,
    he sure has good taste.
[06:03] Gin
    All right. Let's keep this up.
[06:05] T
    Okay.
[06:06] T
    Anybody else?
[06:09] C
    Um...
[06:10] C
    I came from space to marry
    into the human race,
[06:15] C
    but my husband's a runny piece of shit.
[06:17] C
    He doesn't work or provide for the family,
[06:20] C
    is stingy, shady, has stinky
    feet and stinky feces.
[06:23] Gin
    Hey, isn't she talking about
    the shitty boss from earlier?
[06:26] T
    No.
[06:27] T
    This one's not a piece of shit.
    He's a runny piece of shit.
[06:29] C
    So the other day, I got kinda mad
[06:31] C
    and tried to doodle on his
    face while he was asleep,
[06:34] C
    but then a mop came flying at me...
[06:35] Gin
    Isn't that the mop from earlier?
[06:37] Gin
    The piece of shit really was
    the runny piece of shit!
[06:39] C
    So I broke the mop in two,
[06:41] C
    only for one half to pierce his figurine,
[06:43] C
    and the other to pierce the
    runny piece of shit himself.
[06:46] Gin
    Huh? Is he all right?
[06:47] Gin
    Is the runny piece of shit still alive?
[06:48] C
    But he just kept sleeping,
    so I left him that way.
[06:51] Gin
    You don't think that's because
    he slipped into eternal sleep?!
[06:54] C
    Lady Robokko, will my sin be forgiven?
[06:58] T
    Isn't this murder?
[07:00] Gin
    Nope.
[07:01] Gin
    All she did was kick the feces
    lying on the street to the side.
[07:04] Gin
    I bet that's made Edo a little bit cleaner.
[07:08] T
    The heavens are overjoyed by your actions.
[07:11] T
    There's sure to be blessings headed your way.
[07:13] C
    Really?
[07:15] C
    The mop's still lodged in him.
    Is that really okay?
[07:17] Gin
    It's fine. Leave it stuck in him.
[07:20] Gin
    That's his cross
[07:23] Gin
    to bear.
[07:28] C
    That's a relief.
[07:29] C
    Amen.
[07:33] Gin
    Amen?
[07:35] T
    Gintoki-sama?
[07:37] T
    Gintoki-sama, are you all right?
[07:39] Gin
    Wh-What do you mean?
[07:41] Gin
    I'm perfectly fine!
[07:43] T
    Really?
[07:44] T
    What about the mop stuck to your backside?
[07:46] Gin
    Huh? Mop?
SIGN    Robokko's Confessional
[07:48] T
    Indeed. It was stuck there from
    the moment I met you today.
[07:51] Gin
    Is that so?
[07:52] T
    I figured I shouldn't stick my
    nose where it doesn't belong,
[07:55] T
    considering the mop was
    already stuck pretty deep.
[07:57] Gin
    Huh?
[07:58] Gin
    Oh, you mean this?
[08:00] Gin
    Rather than sticking into my
    butt, it was sticking out of it!
[08:04] Gin
    I mistook the mop for yakisoba
    yesterday and ate it, you see.
[08:07] T
    Really?
[08:09] Gin
    Really! Don't get the wrong idea!
[08:11] Gin
    It's got nothing to do with the mop
    mentioned in those confessions, okay?
[08:15] T
    I know that.
[08:18] Gin
    Yeah, they're not related at all.
[08:20] Gin
    Everybody loves Ketsuno Ana,
[08:22] Gin
    and I'm sure everyone's had a mop stab
    their ass without knowing it, once or twice.
[08:28] Gin
    It couldn't have been them!
[08:30] Gin
    Sure, their chins seemed familiar,
[08:32] Gin
    but save for Inoki, all of
    mankind has similar chins.
[08:36] Gin
    It's all good!
[08:37] Gin
    I'm sure my Ketsuno Ana's fine,
[08:38] Gin
    and that my ketsunoana's fine, too!
[08:40] Gin
    I'm overthinking this!
[08:43] T
    Anybody else?
[08:47] Gin
    There's a chin more
    recognizable than Inoki's!
[08:50] T
    They wish to remain anonymous, apparently.
[08:53] Gin
    There's basically no point to anonymity here!
[08:57] T
    Allow me to translate.
[09:01] T
    "I'm a certain someone's pet,
[09:04] T
    but my owner's an unbelievable
    piece of diarrhetic shit."
[09:07] Gin
    Why is his stomach getting worse and worse?
[09:09] T
    "He doesn't feed me properly
    or take me on walks,
[09:13] T
    and he has stinky feet.
    Also, he has stinky feet.
[09:15] T
    And to top it all off, he has stinky feet."
[09:17] Gin
    The stinkiness of his feet
    is all that's left now!
[09:19] T
    "So the other day, I got kinda mad
[09:22] T
    and went to take a dump on
    his face while he was asleep,
[09:25] T
    but it was runnier than expected and
[09:27] T
    sprayed all the way to my
    friend mopping up the room."
[09:29] Gin
    What the hell were you guys doing
    to that piece of diarrhetic shit?
[09:32] T
    "That made my friend slip and throw the mop,
[09:36] T
    which another friend broke in half.
[09:38] T
    One half lodged in the piece
    of diarrhetic shit's ass."
[09:40] Gin
    It was all connected?
[09:42] Gin
    Your diarrhea was the cause of everything?!
[09:44] T
    "That made him get up via spinal reflex
[09:47] T
    and hit my crotch.
[09:49] T
    The blow sent me flying,
[09:51] T
    and when I came to, I found an
    unfamiliar person crushed beneath me.
[09:55] T
    There was blood everywhere,
[09:57] T
    and he wouldn't move no matter
    how much I tried to wake him up.
[10:00] T
    I was really, really scared,
[10:03] T
    so I hid the body in the piece
    of diarrhetic shit's closet."
[10:05] Gin
    You're the scariest of them all!
[10:08] T
    "Lady Robokko, will my sin be forgiven?"
[10:13] Gin
    Oh my God!
[10:14] Gin
    It was them!
[10:17] Gin
    Not only did they mess up my
    Ketsuno Ana and my ketsunoana,
[10:21] Gin
    they topped it off by confessing
    to an unbelievable sin!
SIGN    Robokko's Confessional
[10:26] T
    Um, Gintoki-sama?
[10:28] T
    How should he repent for his sin?
[10:32] T
    Um, Gintoki-sama?
[10:36] Gin
    Get rid of it.
[10:38] Gin
    I said, go dump whatever's
    in that closet into the river
[10:41] Gin
    before divine judgment rains down
    upon you, you damn meatball!
SIGN    Robokko's Confessional
[10:47] T
    Um...
[10:49] T
    Rather than repenting for his sin,
    he'll be committing another—
[10:51] Gin
    When the two sins collide,
    they'll cancel each other out.
[10:55] T
    Is that how it works?
[10:56] T
    I'll add that to my database.
[10:59] C
    Hey.
[11:00] C
    Mind listening to this old man's confession?
[11:03] Gin
    Sorry, but we're busy right now,
[11:05] Gin
    so could you come back—
[11:09] C
    I've committed a horrible sin.
[11:13] C
    The thing is,
[11:14] C
    I was walking the streets with my friend
    when a massive furball fell from the sky.
[11:20] C
    We got hit head-on by
    the thing and passed out.
[11:24] C
    When I came to, my friend
    was nowhere to be found.
[11:29] C
    If I knew things would end up this way,
[11:31] C
    I would never have taken
    him out of the castle!
[11:34] C
    How am I supposed to apologize to you—
[11:36] C
    no, to the nation?!
[11:39] C
    Sho-chan!
[11:45] Gin
    Don't tell me.
[11:47] Gin
    Don't tell me!
[11:49] Gin
    The body that furball hid in the closet...
[11:55] Gin
    It's the shogun?!
[12:00] Gin
    Jesus!
[12:02] Gin
    Th-Those guys assassinated the shogun
[12:06] Gin
    and then hid his corpse in
    my room behind my back?!
[12:09] Gin
    This is bad!
[12:10] Gin
    An "amen" won't be enough to write this off!
[12:11] Gin
    If anyone finds out, every last drop
    of my ***** fluids will be eradicated!
[12:15] Gin
    men!
[12:17] Gin**
    What am I to do?
[12:19] T
    Calm down.
[12:22] T
    This Sho-chan person has only gone missing.
[12:25] T
    We don't know for sure that he's dead, right?
[12:27] Gin
    Right!
[12:28] Gin
    For now, just make him leave
    before this comes back to bite us!
[12:32] C
    I've already looked everywhere I could.
[12:35] T
    But aren't there cases where,
    if you calm down and look,
[12:37] T
    you'll find whatever you were looking
    for unexpectedly close to you?
[12:41] T
    Like in a closet.
[12:42] Gin
    She's letting the shogun's crotch
    snake come out to bite us!
[12:45] C
    I see! A closet, huh?
[12:46] C
    All right. I'll try investigating
    all the closets in this area.
[12:51] C
    Thank you.
[12:52] C
    Amen!
[12:54] T
    Amen.
[12:55] Gin
    Don't amen me!
[12:56] Gin
    C-Calm down.
[12:59] Gin
    I ordered him to get rid of
    the shogun's corpse, remember?
[13:02] Gin
    He must've been washed
    way downstream by now.
[13:05] C
    Um, excuse me.
[13:08] C
    Can I go next?
[13:10] C
    You see, I've committed a horrible sin.
[13:14] Gin
    That beard looks familiar.
[13:15] C
    How should I say this? I betrayed
    my friend, or something like that.
[13:19] Gin
    Wait, why is he drenched?
    I don't remember it raining.
[13:22] C
    Actually, due to various circumstances,
[13:25] C
    I'm a vagabond who's lost
    his home and family.
[13:28] C
    Unable to bear the sight, my friend
    offered to let me freeload at his place.
[13:32] C
    Or, well, it felt to me like he offered.
[13:33] Gin
    Doesn't that mean you basically
    just intruded on him?
[13:36] Gin
    So I took Gin-san—
[13:38] Gin
    ...my friend up on his offer and
    started living at his place.
[13:41] Gin
    Wasn't he about to say "Gin-san" just now?
[13:43] C
    This place has no food or A/C, and is
    basically no different from living in the park,
[13:47] C
    so I had to make do with
    eating the dog food I stole,
[13:50] C
    but it seems like they found out,
[13:52] C
    because the sliding door to
    my room was suddenly opened
[13:55] C
    and I was dumped in the river
    before I could get a word in.
[13:58] C
    I barely made it out alive
    before running all the way here.
[14:01] Gin
    Huh?
[14:02] Gin
    Could it be that
[14:04] Gin
    completely unbeknownst to me,
[14:05] Gin
    aside from the shogun's corpse, a living
    corpse was also freeloading in my closet?!
[14:10] C
    Apart from dog food, I was also
    sneaking as many bites as I could
[14:14] C
    of pudding and the like from
    the fridge without being caught.
[14:16] C
    I wonder if that made him angry.
[14:18] Gin
    Wait a minute! What about the shogun, then?
[14:21] Gin
    Did the furball mistake him for the
    shogun and throw him in the river?
[14:25] Gin
    That'd mean the shogun's still in my closet!
[14:28] C
    Will the sin I committed be forgiven?
[14:31] Gin
    I fully understand your desire to repent.
[14:34] Gin
    Now prove that it is real with your actions
[14:38] Gin
    and throw yourself into
    the river one more time.
[14:40] C
    What?!
[14:41] C
    H-Hold on, Lady Robokko!
[14:44] Gin
    Was anybody else living
    in the closet with you?
[14:48] C
    Huh? Actually, I did sense a
    person in the upper level.
[14:51] Gin
    Take that person and throw yourself
    into the river one more time.
[14:55] Gin
    If you do, the heavens and your friend alike
[14:57] Gin
    will consider the pudding case
    water under the bridge.
[14:59] C
    No, everything but the pudding
    is getting swept under the bridge!
[15:02] Gin
    You mustn't come up until I say it's okay.
[15:06] Gin
    Amen.
[15:07] C
    Don't amen me!
[15:08] T
    Sorry, but when we say "amen,"
    your session is over, so please leave.
[15:13] C
    Hold it!
[15:14] C
    Seriously? Are you seriously
    going "amen" with that?!
[15:15] T
    Amen.
[15:18] Gin
    Th-That was close!
[15:20] Gin
    But now I've taken countermeasures.
[15:22] Gin
    The evidence should be
    destroyed this time for sure!
SIGN    Robokko's Confessional
[15:26] C
    Um, excuse me.
[15:28] C
    Could you listen to me?
[15:30] C
    I was living with my boyfriend,
[15:32] C
    but this filthy guy with a goatee suddenly
    showed up and threw me into the river.
[15:35] Gin
    It was you?!
[15:37] C
    He was clinging to me pretty persistently,
[15:39] C
    so I finished him off before
    running all the way here.
[15:41] C
    I wonder if Gin-sa—
[15:43] C
    ...my boyfriend was behind it.
[15:45] C
    True, I did eat his half-eaten puddings
    and say they were indirect kisses, but...
[15:50] Gin
    You were just kissing that
    filthy goatee indirectly!
[15:53] C
    I was wondering if that kind of
    thing might've pissed him off.
[15:56] Gin
    Shouldn't you guys be repenting
    for stuff other than the pudding?!
[15:59] Gin
    Wait a second.
[16:00] Gin
    Just where is the shogun, then?
[16:03] Gin
    Uh, was anybody else living in the
    closet with you and that filthy goatee?
[16:08] C
    I didn't see anyone else.
[16:11] C
    Why do you ask?
[16:12] Gin
    Could it be that the shogun was never
    in my closet in the first place?
[16:17] Gin
    Could it be that the furball
    hurt either her or the goatee,
[16:20] Gin
    and that while the shogun's case sounded
    similar, it was completely unrelated?
[16:25] Gin
    That's it! That's gotta be it!
[16:27] Gin
    The crime was occurring in the
    meeting room, not on the scene!
[16:30] C
    So, how do I get my boyfriend to forgive me?
[16:34] Gin
    You don't have to worry. I'm sure
    he's forgotten all about it already.
[16:38] C
    What, really?! Is it "amen"?!
[16:41] Gin
    It's totally "amen."
[16:42] Gin
    Even the heavens are saying they'll
    forgive you as a special service
[16:45] Gin
    if you buy some fresh pudding
    and put it in the fridge.
[16:48] C
    Ah, that's such a relief.
[16:50] C
    Actually, I had a feeling that was the case.
[16:52] C
    Otherwise, when he dumped me in the river,
[16:55] C
    he wouldn't have thrown me a life buoy.
[16:58] Gin
    Forget the meeting room, the crime was
    occurring in the confessional booth!
[17:02] C
    Well, I should return this life buoy
    to him along with the pudding.
[17:05] C
    Amen.
[17:06] Gin
    Wait!
[17:07] Gin
    I take back the amen!
[17:08] Gin
    Cancel the amen!
[17:10] T
    What's wrong, Gintoki-sama?
[17:12] Gin
    Tama, quickly confiscate what she's carrying
[17:14] Gin
    and leave it in front of the police station!
[17:16] T
    I'm not sure I follow, but very well.
[17:18] Gin
    Listen! Don't let anyone spot you in the act!
[17:22] Gin
    I should've done this all along.
[17:25] Gin
    The best way to deal with things like
    this is to dump it on the police.
[17:28] C
    Um, excuse me.
[17:30] C
    Could I have a moment?
[17:32] Gin
    Ack! That uniform!
[17:34] C
    Isn't Tama-san here?
[17:36] C
    Actually, I saw her doing something
    weird outside our station.
[17:41] Gin
    She messed up!
[17:42] Gin
    Someone saw her leaving
    the shogun's corpse there!
[17:45] C
    Um, the thing Tama-san left there...
[17:49] C
    This pudding. I ended up eating it.
[17:51] C
    Will I be forgiven?
[17:53] Gin
    What are you even talking about?!
[17:54] Gin
    Yes, I said to confiscate
    what she was carrying,
[17:58] Gin
    but learn to take a hint, damn it!
SIGN    Pudding
[18:01] C
    I knew it wasn't the right thing to do,
    but it was Tama-san's pudding...
[18:04] Gin
    What happened to the shogun, then?
[18:06] C
    I was wondering if she remembered
    the marriage meeting from before
[18:10] C
    and left the pudding for me, or something.
[18:11] Gin
    Shut it!
[18:12] Gin
    I don't have time to waste
    on you, pudding-for-brains!
[18:16] Gin
    Hang on.
[18:17] Gin
    I could use this guy!
[18:19] C
    What did you say?!
[18:21] C
    Tama-san found the shogun's corpse?!
[18:24] Gin
    But given the gravity of the situation,
[18:25] Gin
    she couldn't just report it to the cops.
[18:28] Gin
    The heavens are telling me that if you
    say you're the one who found the corpse
[18:33] Gin
    and report it as the Joi rebels' doing,
[18:37] Gin
    you'll get to taste Tama's pudding again.
[18:42] C
    Oh, hello? Hijikata-san?
[18:44] C
    I found the shogun's corpse.
[18:47] C
    There's a dying message that says "Zura."
[18:50] C
    Yes.
[18:51] C
    Please handle the emergency preparations.
[18:56] C
    Pudding.
[18:57] Gin
    Pudding.
[18:58] C
    I need to go forge the dying message.
[19:00] Gin
    All right! Everything's settled now!
SIGN    Robokko's Confessional
[19:04] Gin
    Wow, things are getting chaotic now.
[19:07] C
    Excuse me.
[19:08] C
    I need to talk to you.
[19:11] C
    Not for a confession, but to ask
    you to help with our investigation.
[19:14] Gin
    Huh? It sure is noisy outside.
    Did something happen?
[19:17] C
    The thing is, we got intel that
    the shogun was assassinated.
[19:21] C
    But when we got there,
[19:22] C
    instead of the shogun,
    we found one of our men instead.
SIGN    I'm not Zura, I'm Katsura!
    It looks like you're not home,
    so I'll come another time.
    P.S. Cancolle Kai's final boss
    is pretty hard.
    Did you kill him, Gintoki?
[19:26] C
    We found this dying message.
[19:28] Gin
    Zura came to hang out at
    the worst possible time!
[19:32] C
    He wrote a lot of drivel,
[19:33] C
    but most of it was to throw off the enemy.
[19:37] C
    What he wanted to tell us was the last line:
SIGN    P.S. Cancolle Kai's final boss is pretty hard. Did you kill him, Gintoki?
[19:40] C
    "Did you kill him, Gintoki?"
[19:42] Gin
    He even caused an
    extremely annoying miracle!
[19:45] C
    Do you know this Gintoki guy?
[19:47] Gin
    No, can't say I do.
[19:49] Gin
    Hold it right there! Gintoki didn't do it!
[19:51] Gin
    He didn't kill the shogun, pudding-for-
    brains, or Cancolle Kai's final boss!
[19:55] C
    I see.
[19:56] C
    Sorry for causing you trouble.
[19:58] C
    Amen.
[19:59] Gin
    A-Amen.
[20:01] Gin
    Crap!
[20:02] Gin
    The shogun was bad enough by himself,
    but now I've been accused of another crime!
[20:05] Gin
    And where the hell is the shogun?
[20:07] C
    Excuse me.
[20:08] C
    I'd appreciate it if you could hear me out.
[20:10] Gin
    I don't have time for that crap right now!
[20:13] Gin
    I'm the one who wants to confess—
[20:15] C
    Is that so? Forgive me.
[20:17] C
    I'll come again.
[20:19] Gin
    He was alive!
[20:20] Gin
    The shogun was alive!
[20:25] Gin
    I was wrong for trying to take advantage
    of people's desire to repent for their sins
[20:29] Gin
    and make money off of it!
[20:32] Gin
    I'll repent for my mistake!
[20:33] Gin
    I'll never do anything like this again!
[20:35] Gin
    So please, God, Buddha, Shogun!
[20:38] Gin
    Please forgive me!
[20:39] Gin
    I beg of you! I'll give you 300 yen!
[20:42] C
    Um, er...
[20:44] C
    I don't really understand,
[20:46] C
    but if you're regretting it that much,
[20:48] C
    I'm sure the heavens will forgive you.
[20:50] Gin
    Huh? Really?
[20:51] Gin
    Really, really?!
[20:54] Gin
    It's a miracle!
[20:55] Gin
    This is a confession!
[20:57] Gin
    Heaven won't abandon one who repents
    for his sins from the bottom of his heart!
[21:01] Gin
    I underestimated you, confession.
[21:02] Gin
    Forgive me, confession.
[21:04] Gin
    I'll turn over a new leaf and become
    an upstanding citizen, no matter what!
[21:08] C
    Is that so? What a coincidence.
[21:10] C
    You see, I came here looking to
    make up my mind to live a new life.
[21:14] Gin
    Huh?
[21:15] Gin
    The thing is, a certain someone saved
    me when I was lying hurt on the road,
[21:19] Gin
    but it seems I'd hit my head pretty hard.
[21:21] Gin
    I've lost my memories.
[21:24] Gin
    Huh?
[21:25] C
    But I've decided to cast my past
    away here, ask for forgiveness,
[21:28] C
    and live life with my eyes on the future.
[21:33] C
    Together with Katsura-san here.
[21:35] Kat
    Mark my words. You'll make a great Joi Rebel.
[21:38] Kat
    Together, let us bring down the rotten
    bakufu and with it, the shogun!
[21:43] C
    Sure, Katsura-san.
[21:51] P
    There he is!
[21:52] P
    Finally found you!
[21:54] P
    Hey, you got anything to say?
[21:57] P
    Aren't you going to confess
    and beg for forgiveness?
SIGN    Robokko's Confessional
[22:02] Gin
    Not really.
SIGN    Caution: Cameras flashing.
SIGN    Preview
SIGN    Breaking News:
SIGN    Unemployed man residing in the Kabuki District arrested for obstruction of justice.
[23:35] Rep
    Breaking news:
[23:36] Rep
    Sakata Gintoki was arrested on
    charges of obstruction of justice.
SIGN    Arrested on charges of Obstruction of Justice
     Unemployed Suspect Sakata Gintoki
[23:41] Rep
    In response to the questioning,
SIGN    Being a Leader Is Tough
[23:42] Gin
    "Being a Leader Is Tough,"
[23:44] Rep
    was the statement he gave.
[23:46] Rep
    We're waiting to see how
    the investigation unfolds.
SIGN    The protagonist has been arrested!!!
SIGN    Wait, this continues next week!!!
SIGN    Oh, well. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
SIGN    You may be a mere foot soldier there, Shogun, but I choose you!!

E284 - Being a Leader Is Tough

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Brought to you by
    Oedo Pharma
[00:14] A
    This program is brought
    to you by these sponsors.
SIGN    Brought to you by
SIGN    Matel
SIGN    Promits
SIGN    The Shogun, Lord Tokugawa
    Shigeshige, Still Missing
    
    
    The Serial Couple Assaults That Only Occur
    On The Nights of Fireworks Displays
    
    
    Is Amarao Daisaku
    Moving to a Foreign Club?
    
    
     The World Sinks Except the Kabuki District
    Wins the Golden Raspberry
[00:18] A
    Here's today's top story.
[00:20] A
    Tokugawa Shigeshige-sama, the shogun,
SIGN    The Shogun
    Lord Tokugawa Shigeshige Still Missing
[00:23] A
    has been missing since last week,
[00:25] A
    and now it has come to light
    that he'd been taking walks,
[00:28] A
    incognito, outside the castle.
SIGN    National Police Agency
     Commissioner-General Matsudaira Katakuriko
[00:30] A
    The man said to have acted as his guide,
    Commissioner-General Matsudaira Katakuriko,
[00:34] A
    has categorically denied any
    involvement in this case.
SIGN    Caution: Cameras Flashing
SIGN    Unemployed Suspect Sakata Gintoki
[00:37] A
    He maintains that it was all
    the doing of Sakata Gintoki,
[00:42] A
    who's being held on charges
    of obstruction of justice.
[00:43] J
    G-Good lord.
[00:45] J
    I never thought Gintoki-dono would...
[00:46] J
    That's the legendary Joi Rebel who used
    to be feared as the White Yaksha for you!
[00:50] J
    I had no idea his patriotic
    flame still burned so brightly!
[00:56] Zu
    He is truly the personification
    of a lamp in broad daylight.
[00:59] J
    Katsura-san!
[01:00] Zu
    In a world illuminated by sunlight,
[01:02] Zu
    his light is but a garbage fire that
    does nothing but flicker pointlessly.
[01:07] Zu
    But when dark clouds shroud
    the land and shadows loom,
[01:11] Zu
    it becomes a great bonfire
    that chases away the darkness!
[01:15] Zu
    Tonight we celebrate!
[01:16] Zu
    We shall throw a party to mark the
    White Yaksha's triumphant return!
[01:19] J
    But Katsura-san,
[01:20] J
    Gintoki-dono's been taken
    captive by the enemy.
[01:25] Zu
    Just who do you think he is?
[01:27] Zu
    Faced with that reawakened demon,
    iron bars may as well be Bretz.
[01:31] Zu
    The salad flavored ones.
[01:32] Zu
    Hurry up and get everything
    ready before he comes back.
[01:36] All
    Yes, sir!
[01:41] Zu
    But I have to say, Elizabeth,
[01:43] Zu
    having the enemy commander,
    who I wanted to overthrow for years,
[01:46] Zu
    be taken out so easily by someone else
[01:48] Zu
    does leave a sour taste in the mouth.
SIGN    We don't know for sure that the shogun's dead yet...
[01:53] Zu
    Nonsense.
[01:55] Zu
    Are you suggesting that he
    would let his prey slip away?
SIGN    Welcome Back, White Yaksha
[01:59] Zu
    Having lost their commander, the bakufu
    must be in disarray right about now.
[02:03] Zu
    Now is the time to create a brand new world!
[02:06] Zu
    We must stay on our toes.
[02:08] Zu
    Right, Sho-chan?
[02:09] Sho
    Indeed, Katsura-san.
SIGN    Being a Leader Is Tough
[03:49] J
    Uh, Katsura-san.
SIGN    Sho-chan's request: You must watch this program in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV
[03:51] J
    Who is he?
[03:52] Zu
    Sho-chan, obviously.
[03:53] J
    That's not what I meant.
[03:55] J
    He was asking who this Sho-chan is.
[03:57] Zu
    Oh, I haven't introduced you yet.
[04:00] Zu
    This is Sho-chan.
[04:01] Sho
    I'm Sho-chan. Pleased to meet you.
[04:02] J
    The conversation hasn't
    made any progress at all!
[04:05] Zu
    I helped him after finding him
     lying on the street the other day.
[04:09] Zu
    But he'd lost his memories
    from hitting his head.
[04:13] Zu
    He didn't have anywhere to go,
[04:15] Zu
    so I asked him if he wanted
    to topple the nation with us.
[04:20] Zu
    Doesn't the aura of dignity about him
    make you feel he's no ordinary man?
[04:23] Zu
    He surely has what it takes to
    one day stand at the forefront
[04:27] Zu
    of us Joi Rebels as the great general
    who will crush the bakufu.
SIGN    Show the way, Sho-chan.
[04:30] Zu
    As such, I have taken
    to calling him Sho-chan.
[04:33] J
    I don't know about "one day," Katsura-san.
SIGN    The Shogun
    Lord Tokugawa Shigeshige Still Missing
[04:37] J
    Isn't he already a leader of men?
[04:41] Zu
    Ah, so you guys also sense the ambition he has
[04:44] Zu
    that makes you want to prostate yourself
    before him despite him being a newcomer.
[04:47] J
    That's not what I meant...
[04:50] J
    Isn't he a spitting image
    of a certain somebody?
[04:53] Zu
    Ah, so you guys also noticed
[04:56] Zu
    that in this anime,
[04:57] Zu
    wearing a top knot wig makes almost
    every character look the same.
[05:01] J
    That's not it, either!
[05:03] Zu
    Anyway, he'll surely become an incredible
    Joi Rebel who'll change the world one day.
[05:08] Zu
    Until that day comes, I'd like
    you all to give him your support.
[05:12] Zu
    I'm counting on you.
[05:14] J
    Man, this is bad.
[05:16] J
    That's definitely the missing shogun.
[05:19] J
    At this rate, we'll end up
    rebelling with the shogun!
[05:22] J
    That'd be so awkward!
    And bad in so many ways!
[05:24] J
    For both the shogun and us!
[05:28] Zu
    Listen, Sho-chan.
[05:30] Zu
    You're a natural-born leader of men.
[05:35] Zu
    I'd love for you to polish those talents
[05:37] Zu
    and support the men as our second leader.
[05:41] Zu
    To that end, I'll teach you all the
    leadership skills I've learned.
[05:46] J
    Hey. He's saying he'll teach the
    leader of a nation leadership skills.
[05:48] J
    Somebody stop him!
[05:49] J
    Not happening. He's totally into it.
[05:51] J
    He won't listen to anyone when he's like that.
[05:54] Zu
    First off,
[05:56] Zu
    a leader must stay cool at all times.
[05:59] Zu
    As such,
[06:01] Zu
    to develop the composure needed to run an
    organization with a cool head at all times,
[06:05] Zu
    you will now play Jenga with me.
[06:07] J
    What does that have to do
    with running an organization?
[06:10] Zu
    What you need to be a leader is the same
    thing you need in Jenga: a sense of balance.
[06:14] Zu
    You have to weed out your
    useless subordinates,
[06:17] Zu
    but also make sure things
    don't come tumbling down
[06:19] Zu
    by buying them a canned coffee on
    the rooftop and consoling them.
[06:23] Zu
    Remember that, and you can keep
    the organization running smoothly.
[06:25] J
    That's the theory he was running us with?!
[06:28] Zu
    But that is not enough.
[06:31] Zu
    While we're playing Jenga,
[06:33] Zu
    Elizabeth will throw balls at us.
[06:36] Zu
    And from behind us, the teacher
    in black will repeat...
[06:39] TIB
    You fool!
[06:41] Zu
    Over and over.
[06:42] TIB
    You fool!
[06:43] Zu
    How you keep a cool head
    in this annoying situation
[06:43] TIB
    You fool!
[06:45] TIB
    You fool!
[06:46] Zu
    and keep the Jenga from
    falling is what's important.
[06:47] TIB
    You fool!
[06:49] TIB
    You fool!
[06:49] J
    Your idea's already far from cool!
[06:50] TIB
    You fool!
[06:51] Zu
    Let's begin. I'll go first.
[06:52] TIB
    You fool!
[06:54] TIB
    You fool!
[06:54] Zu
    Behold how cool a true leader is!
[06:56] TIB
    You fool!
[06:58] J
    He's coolly targeting the
    organization right off the bat!
[07:01] J
    He's the coolest one here!
[07:03] J
    Of course he is!
[07:05] Zu
    I see. We're starting from scratch, are we?
[07:08] Zu
    But this isn't enough
    to throw me off my game.
[07:10] J
    Hey, he's not getting angry.
[07:12] J
    He's staying cool even though
    the organization crumbled.
[07:14] Zu
    A leader fights not
[07:16] Zu
    against swords closing in to strike him,
[07:18] Zu
    or balls thrown at him...
[07:22] TIB
    You fool!
[07:23] Zu
    I'm not a fool! I'm Katsura!
[07:25] J
    That's what a leader fights against?!
[07:27] Zu
    Did you seriously think that would catch on?!
[07:30] Zu
    In your dreams!
[07:31] J
    He's lost his composure
    on the very first move!
[07:33] J
    He's forgotten all about the organization!
[07:35] Sho
    It's my turn.
[07:38] Sho
    I have to turn this crisis into an opportunity?
[07:42] Sho
    That being the case,
[07:44] Sho
    I'll do this.
[07:45] J
    Is that how Jenga rules work?!
[07:47] J
    Isn't that dominoes?
[07:48] J
    The one where you make the organization
    fall one piece after another in the end?!
[07:52] Zu
    Oh? Instead of building a hierarchy,
    you expanded your organization laterally?
[07:55] Zu
    You mean to throw out the leadership system
    and base your organization on equality?
[07:59] J
    Talk about reading too much into it!
[08:01] Zu
    But without a man to stand
    atop it and give it direction,
[08:05] Zu
    an organization will lose its way.
[08:07] Zu
    Even if he must use the corpses
    of his men as stepping stones,
[08:10] Zu
    a leader must always stay standing
[08:12] Zu
    and keep the organi—
[08:14] J
    Never mind keeping it safe,
    the leader destroyed the organization!
[08:20] J
    It stopped?
[08:22] Sho
    I never intended to do away
    with the leadership system.
[08:25] Sho
    But if a leader is too
    fixated on staying on top,
[08:27] Sho
    then the greater the heights
    an organization reaches,
[08:30] Sho
    the more he'll grow out of touch
    with his subordinate's feelings.
[08:33] Sho
    That said, if everyone is equal,
    they'll all fall together.
[08:36] Sho
    So I want to support the
    organization as its foundation.
[08:44] J
    Katsura-san!
[08:46] J
    Oh, no! He lost!
[08:49] J
    He said he'd teach him leadership skills,
    but ended up getting taught a lesson!
[08:57] Zu
    W-Well, that's a valid viewpoint.
[09:00] Zu
    We're both right, or, well,
[09:02] Zu
    there's more than one right answer.
[09:04] Zu
    Trying to pick a winner in this kind
    of thing is nonsensical to begin with.
[09:08] TIB
    You fool!
[09:09] Zu
    Shut the hell up!
[09:11] J
    He's gone berserk!
[09:12] J
    Who was it that said all that
    about cool heads earlier?
[09:16] Zu
    Well, I knew from the start that you had
    that degree of leadership skill in you.
[09:22] Zu
    But this is where it gets tough, Sho-chan.
[09:24] Zu
    Number two: a leader must never
    show his weaknesses to others.
[09:29] Zu
    He must always lead his men by example
    and portray the perfect image.
[09:33] Zu
    As such,
[09:35] Zu
    in order to develop the toughness
[09:36] Zu
    needed to hide your weakness
    and portray a perfect self,
[09:39] Zu
    you'll now play Reversi with me.
[09:41] J
    Seriously, why another game?!
[09:42] Zu
    These Reversi pieces have
    insults written on them.
SIGN    Tighty Whities
SIGN    Long hair is kinda suffocating
SIGN    Stubborn
SIGN    Looks like an extra
[09:46] Zu
    The whites have you insulting me,
[09:48] Zu
    and the blacks have me insulting you.
[09:50] Zu
    If you don't want to show any weaknesses,
[09:52] Zu
    you must flip as many of the
    opponent's pieces as possible.
[09:54] J
    What the hell will that develop?
[09:56] J
    This stupid game will only degrade you two!
[09:59] Zu
    You think you can expose
    Leader Katsura's weaknesses?
[10:03] Zu
    Let's see you try!
[10:05] Zu
    Here we go!
SIGN    Too serious
SIGN    Tighty Whities Had nose hair Farted the other day
SIGN    Stubborn
SIGN    Looks like an extra
SIGN    Bad morning breath
[10:11] Zu
    What's wrong?
[10:12] Zu
    Your weaknesses keep getting exposed!
[10:15] J
    If anything, your awful personality
    is what's getting exposed!
[10:18] J
    Come on.
[10:20] J
    I'll take the corner.
    I'm gonna go for the corner.
[10:23] J
    Are you okay with that?
    Shouldn't you flip that piece?
[10:26] J
    He's revealing his weaknesses for all to see!
[10:30] Zu
    I guess this game's over.
[10:33] J
    It's all black!
[10:34] J
    I never knew game boards and
    people could turn so black!
[10:37] Sho
    You got me. I have lost.
[10:40] Zu
    Too bad, Sho-chan.
[10:42] Zu
    You did your best,
[10:43] Zu
    but this shows the difference in
    leadership experience between us.
[10:46] Sho
    Yes, you are right.
[10:49] Sho
    Actually, I wanted to write
    more insults about you,
[10:53] Sho
    but I couldn't find many weaknesses
    in a perfect leader like yourself.
[10:57] Sho
    So I painted the white sides black
    and wrote my own faults on them.
[11:04] Sho
    But that served as a valuable
    opportunity to face my shortcomings.
[11:10] Sho
    Be it to hide your weaknesses or overcome them,
[11:14] Sho
    you must face up to them first.
[11:18] J
    Katsura-san!
[11:20] J
    He won the battle, but lost at humanity!
[11:22] J
    Our leader's lost two in a row!
[11:24] J
    Forget teaching, he keeps
    getting schooled instead!
[11:26] J
    And the shogun's got game!
[11:28] J
    He may have amnesia, but he
    hasn't lost any of his nobility!
[11:32] J
    Hey, maybe the shogun isn't as bad
    a guy as we made him out to be.
[11:37] J
    He might even be a better leader than our—
[11:39] J
    Dumbass!
[11:44] Zu
    You're good, Sho-chan.
[11:46] Zu
    I didn't expect you to be this capable.
[11:49] Zu
    Indeed, recognizing your own weakness
    is also a form of strength.
[11:54] TIB
    You fool!
[11:55] Zu
    That's right! I'm a fool!
[11:59] Zu
    And now for the third and final lesson!
[12:02] Zu
    A leader must use any means possible
    to lead his organization to victory.
[12:06] Zu
    As such, you'll play Uno with me!
[12:09] Zu
    Because I'm good at Uno!
[12:11] J
    So much for teaching him!
[12:16] Sho
    Draw four.
[12:16] J
    He lost just like that!
[12:20] J
    Shogun!
[12:22] J
    You're amazing!
[12:24] J
    Your past and your position
    don't matter anymore!
[12:26] J
    You're a true leader of men!
[12:30] J
    Just like you, we'll cast aside our past!
[12:32] J
    So please show us the way!
[12:35] J
    With you, I'm sure we
    can change this country!
[12:38] Sho
    But Katsura-san...
[12:39] J
    Forget about him.
[12:41] J
    He needs some time to cool off.
[12:49] Zu
    Elizabe—
SIGN    You fool!!
SIGN    Welcome Back, White Yaksha
[13:01] Zu
    Listen up, men!
[13:03] Zu
    Several days have passed since our comrade, Sakata Gintoki, took the shogun's head.
[13:08] Zu
    But he hasn't returned yet.
[13:11] Zu
    I thought he'd be able to break
    out of the bakufu's prison easily,
[13:16] Zu
    but he must've run into some
    unforeseen complications.
[13:18] Zu
    As such,
[13:19] Zu
    to save Gintoki, who's being imprisoned in
    Edo Castle for grave crimes against the nation,
[13:24] Zu
    I, Katsura Kotaro, have made
    up my mind to storm the castle!
[13:31] Zu
    I realize it's a terribly dangerous thing to do.
[13:36] Zu
    But I cannot sit by and watch a comrade die.
[13:41] Zu
    So please don't stop me.
[13:43] Zu
    And don't try to come along.
[13:47] Zu
    I'll only say it one more time:
[13:49] Zu
    don't try to come along.
[13:52] Zu
    I'll only say—
[13:53] J
    Uh, sorry, but you're distracting us from
    the game, so could you keep it down?
SIGN    Where are you going, Katsura-san?
SIGN    How awful of you to try to leave without saying anything. Haven't you forgotten something?
[14:14] Zu
    Elizabeth!
SIGN    If you're going out, return this DVD for me.
SIGN    Joshima Wants to Quit Being the Leader
SIGN    Quit acting like you're a leader already, damn errand boy.
[14:24] Zu
    I'm not Joshima! I'm Katsura!
[14:27] Zu
    Fine! I'll quit being leader!
[14:29] Zu
    There's nothing good about
    being a leader, anyway!
[14:32] Zu
    Nobody listens to Leader anymore!
[14:35] Zu
    Matsuoka's totally looking down on him!
[14:39] Zu
    Everyone else is appearing
    in dramas and variety shows,
[14:41] Zu
    so poor Leader only gets
    to work on Dash Island!
[14:43] Zu
    How about we quit being Joi Rebels
    and form a new unit called OED?
[14:48] Gin
    I don't recall ever being a Joi Rebel.
[14:52] Gin
    Where do you think you're
    whining and wailing?
[14:54] Gin
    Did you come to save me or annoy me?
[14:57] Zu
    I came to have you save me.
[14:59] Gin
    You want help from a guy
    who's stuck in hell?
[15:02] Gin
    Open this door already!
[15:03] Gin
    You and I are only in this predicament
    because you took the shogun home with you!
[15:08] Zu
    He's not the shogun. He's Sho-chan.
[15:10] Gin
    Oh, for crying out loud!
[15:12] Gin
    Anyway, bring that Sho-chan guy back here.
[15:15] Gin
    That way, I'll be cleared of all charges,
[15:16] Gin
    and you can go back to being leader.
[15:18] G
    What are you doing there?
[15:23] G
    An intruder!
[15:24] Zu
    Crap!
[15:29] Sho
    Sorry to keep you waiting,
[15:31] Sho
    Katsura-san.
[15:33] Sho
    I came because I was worried about you.
[15:35] Sho
    Are you two all right?
[15:36] Gin
    The shogun's here to raid his own home!
[15:40] Sho
    All right. I've secured Katsura-san.
[15:43] Sho
    As planned, Squads 1 and 2
    will head to the main gate.
[15:45] Sho
    Keep the enemy distracted.
[15:47] Sho
    Squads 3 and 4, secure an
    escape route out back.
[15:50] Sho
    Squad 5 is to act as a commando
    unit and provide support.
[15:52] All
    Yes, sir!
[15:53] Gin
    He's handling them perfectly!
[15:54] Gin
    He's controlling them like they
    were his own arms and legs!
[15:57] Sho
    Don't die on me.
[15:58] All
    You too, Sho-chan!
[15:59] Gin
    He seems to be more into
    it than when he was shogun!
[16:04] Gin
    Calm down, Sho-chan!
[16:05] Gin
    You don't need to go that far!
[16:07] Gin
    Don't do anything stupid!
[16:09] Gin
    Stop causing a ruckus!
[16:11] Gin
    This is your home, you know!
[16:12] Sho
    The battlefield is indeed a soldier's home.
[16:15] Sho
    A fine mentality, Gintoki-san.
[16:17] Gin
    That's not what I meant!
[16:19] Gin
    You're not meant to be fooling
    around with these morons!
[16:22] Gin
    You could save us from this
    predicament with just one word!
[16:25] Gin
    Understand?!
[16:26] Sho
    You want me to crush this rotten state
[16:29] Sho
    and save the people as its new ruler?
[16:31] Gin
    Want me to crush that rotten
    head of yours first?!
[16:34] Sho
    I understand.
[16:35] Sho
    I have already decided to inherit
    your and Katsura-san's spirit.
[16:39] Gin
    No! You don't understand a thing!
[16:40] Zu
    Forget it, Gintoki.
[16:42] Zu
    Don't waste your breath.
[16:43] Zu
    It would be quicker to
    just go see the princess.
[16:46] Gin
    Right!
[16:47] Gin
    Princess Soyo might figure something out.
[16:50] Zu
    That's not what I'm talking about.
[16:53] Zu
    How about we decide who'll be leader by
    seeing who can take the princess's head first?
[16:57] Zu
    Where did that come from?!
[16:59] Sho
    I see.
[17:00] Sho
    That would be a massive blow to the
    bakufu. It'd make them lose all face.
[17:03] Gin
    Look, that'd be more like
    covering your own face in shit!
[17:06] Zu
    This is your final exam, Sho-chan.
[17:09] Zu
    Show me your potential as a leader!
[17:13] Zu
    Ready...
[17:14] Zu
    Fire!
[17:15] Gin
    Wait!
[17:16] Gin
    Somebody stop them!
[17:18] Gin
    Stop those two morons!
[17:25] G
    Hey! Look over there!
[17:26] G
    We have intruders!
[17:28] G
    Intruders have made it inside the castle!
[17:30] Gin
    Wait!
[17:31] Gin
    You mustn't attack!
[17:32] Gin
    That's Sho-chan!
[17:34] Gin
    Look out!
[17:36] Zu
    Rules of Leadership, #1:
[17:38] Zu
    a leader must stay
[17:43] Zu
    cool at all times.
[17:46] Zu
    No matter what kind of predicament
    he finds himself in,
[17:48] Zu
    he must calmly put his mind to work
    and keep his organization safe.
[17:53] Sho
    K-Katsura-san...
[17:54] Zu
    What are you panicking for?
[17:57] Zu
    You're one of us.
[17:58] Zu
    Isn't it natural for a
    leader to protect his men?
[18:01] Zu
    A leader must stay cool at all times.
[18:03] Zu
    Right?
[18:05] Sho
    Yeah. That's right.
[18:11] Sho
    All right. Shall we go?
[18:13] Gin
    Forget protecting him, you gave him
    a deeper wound than arrows ever could!
[18:16] Zu
    I-Impossible! How can he
    remain cool in that state?
[18:19] Zu
    What a man!
[18:21] Gin
    No, he stopped being cool the moment
    he got a tail sticking out of his ass!
[18:23] Zu
    Damn it! I won't be outdone!
[18:26] Zu
    Rules of Leadership, #2:
[18:27] Zu
    a leader must never show
    his weaknesses to others.
[18:30] Zu
    He must keep them hidden at all times
[18:33] Zu
    and always conduct himself with dignity!
[18:37] Gin
    It's not just his weaknesses!
[18:38] Gin
    His love, heartache, and resilience
    have all been exposed!
[18:45] W
    A pervert!
[18:47] Gin
    He's not even a Joi Rebel
    anymore, let alone the shogun!
[18:50] Zu
    I-Impossible!
[18:51] Zu
    By laying everything bare, he abandoned
    the very idea of strength?!
[18:56] Zu
    I never knew a leader could be like that!
[18:59] Gin
    Wasn't most of that your doing?
[19:01] Zu
    You are, without doubt, the real deal.
[19:05] Zu
    Which of us is
[19:06] Zu
    better suited to being a true leader
    who'll create a brand new world...
[19:09] Zu
    Let us settle it once and for all.
[19:13] Zu
    Ready...
[19:14] Zu
    Fire!
[19:15] Gin
    Hold it!
[19:16] Gin
    Everything's been settled already!
[19:17] Gin
    Neither of you is cut out to be a leader!
[19:19] Zu
    The princess's head is mine!
[19:24] Gin
    Th-This is...
[19:28] Zu
    Looks like you figured it out.
[19:32] Sho
    Didn't you teach me yourself?
[19:34] Sho
    Rules of Leadership, #3:
[19:37] Sho
    a leader must use any means possible
    to lead his organization to victory.
[19:44] Sho
    Unfortunately, it seems this little
    game of deception has ended in a draw.
[19:48] Gin
    H-Hey!
[19:49] Gin
    Don't tell me...
[19:50] Gin
    You had both already figured
    out who the other was,
[19:54] Gin
    and were putting on an act
    to get close to your enemy?
[19:58] Sho
    The act hasn't ended yet.
[20:00] Sho
    Say, Katsura.
[20:02] Sho
    If you actually wanted my head,
    you had plenty of chances to take it.
[20:07] Zu
    Right back at you, Lord Shigeshige.
[20:10] Zu
    You can't possibly tell me the shogun's
    residence is always this lightly guarded.
[20:14] Sho
    We each could have had the other's
    head anytime we wanted.
[20:19] Sho
    But where is the fun in that?
[20:22] Sho
    I wanted to see what the
    enemy commander was like
[20:25] Sho
    while he still had his head on his shoulders.
[20:29] Sho
    What did you think of the enemy commander?
[20:31] Zu
    Truly stupid.
[20:34] Zu
    There was no need to check him out at all.
[20:36] Zu
    Be it in the bakufu or the Joi Rebels,
[20:39] Zu
    leaders are the same wherever you go.
[20:42] Zu
    They all have wrinkled brows.
[20:55] Sho
    Katsura.
[20:58] Sho
    The next time we meet,
[21:00] Sho
    one of us will be dead, but...
[21:02] Zu
    ...the one still alive will
    create the brand new world.
[21:06] Zu
    No objections here.
[21:07] Zu
    Let us go, Elizabeth.
[21:09] Zu
    While security is still light, thankfully.
[21:12] So
    Um, excuse me.
[21:14] So
    Could you keep it down?
[21:17] So
    My friend's staying over and she
    only just fell asleep at long last.
[21:20] Gin
    Sorry about that.
[21:22] Gin
    Er, Shogun-sama, I'm also
    free to leave, right?
[21:25] Sho
    Right. Forgive me.
[21:26] Sho
    I have caused you a lot of trouble.
[21:28] Gin
    Don't worry about it.
[21:29] Gin
    Just buy me dinner sometime
    and we'll call it even.
[21:32] Gin
    Or just money would do.
[21:34] Gin
    Get your ass moving, Zura.
[21:37] Gin
    You should be grateful you're still alive.
[21:39] Zu
    Let go of me!
[21:44] Kag
    Didn't she tell you to keep it down?
[21:46] Zu
    Huh? L-Leader?
[21:49] Gin
    What are you doing here?
[21:50] Kag
    Shut up with the leader nonsense already!
[22:07] Kag
    Now I can finally sleep well.
[22:12] So
    I guess you really are
    the leader, Kagura-chan.
SIGN    Love Is a Roach Motel
SIGN    Next episode: "Love is...
[23:47] ---
    ...a Roach Motel."
SIGN    Any bad couples around?!
SIGN    Masked Roachief Black RX is here!
SIGN    The anime staff are pretty black-hearted, too, so we're comrades!
SIGN    What? A festival date? Really? Ack!

E285 - Love Is a Roach Motel

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Masked Roachief Black RX's request: Watch this program in
    a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV, please!
[01:32] Hij
    Humans are no different from moths, really.
[01:35] Hij
    Be it festivals or fireworks displays,
[01:38] Hij
    the moment they see light, they flock to it.
[01:41] Hij
    We may have developed the
    technology to traverse the universe,
[01:44] Hij
    but it has about as much meaning
    as a crawling bug growing wings.
[01:48] Oki
    But thanks to that, we can just hold
    up butterfly nets to catch our prey,
[01:52] Oki
    so I'd say it ain't all bad.
[01:53] Oki
    One of them being a violent stag beetle with a
[01:56] Oki
    big ol' buzz saw growing on his head.
[01:59] G
    Hey, careful!
[02:00] G
    Watch where you're going,
    man! I'm gonna kill you!
[02:03] Ko
    You're the ones who need to be careful.
[02:05] Oki
    Speak of the devil.
[02:06] Ko
    Did you think it was okay for you youngsters
    to be out frolicking late at night?
[02:12] Ko
    Quit your flirting and
    break up right this instant,
[02:14] Ko
    or I'll throw you in the slammer!
[02:19] Oki
    Oops. That's no stag beetle.
[02:21] Oki
    It's a cockroach.
SIGN    Love Is a Roach Motel
[02:30] Hij
    Hey, what the heck is he playing at?
[02:33] Oki
    Apparently he got turned down.
[02:35] (Flashback) Ko
    I'm dead sure this will look great on you!
[02:38] (Flashback) Ko
    Not to worry.
[02:39] (Flashback) Ko
    I hear yukata are made to
    suit washboards as well.
[02:43] (Flashback) Ko
    Let's go to the festival together!
[02:45] (Flashback) Tae
    Sorry, but I have a festival of blood to get to.
[02:50] Ko
    Quit flirting and go home!
[02:52] Hij
    So he's gone from a yukata date
    to wishing yukata dead, huh?
[02:56] Hij
    We can't let the shinsengumi's reputation
    get any worse than it already is.
[02:59] Hij
    Go stop him.
[03:01] Oki
    Kondo-san, Kondo-san.
[03:04] Oki
    Hunting down cutesy couples
    is all well and good,
[03:06] Oki
    but the way you're going about it,
    you'll scare off innocent folk, too.
[03:10] Oki
    Why don't you do tonight's
    rounds in a festival version?
[03:16] Ko
    Are there any bad couples
    flirting in yukatas here?!
[03:22] Oki
    This way, he won't ruin
    the festival ambiance,
[03:25] Oki
    and nobody'll know he's shinsengumi.
[03:26] Hij
    Don't resort to cutting him off from us.
[03:29] Hij
    What kind of festival is this?
[03:30] Oki
    Well, see you later.
[03:32] Oki
    I'm going to investigate whether the octopus
    balls actually have octopus meat in them.
[03:35] Hij
    Hey, wait!
[03:36] Hij
    I-I'll investigate whether the okonomiyaki
    stand has run out of mayonnaise!
[03:40] Hij
    I don't care anymore!
[03:48] Ko
    What the hell am I doing?
[03:51] Ko
    I'm trying to destroy the happiness of
    others just because I couldn't attain my own.
[03:56] Ko
    This mask fits me perfectly.
    I'm no better than a cockroach.
[03:59] Ko
    I'm so rotten to the core, I may as
    well be the chief of cockroaches.
[04:02] Ko
    No wonder Otae-san turned me down!
[04:05] Ko
    A guy like me belongs
[04:06] Ko
    in the shadows of the kitchen,
    caught in a sticky trap.
[04:11] Ko
    I should go home, to where
    roaches deserve to be.
[04:15] Kag
    Hey, look at that!
[04:16] Kag
    It's Masked Roachief Black RX!
[04:19] Kag
    So the dirty hero who protects Earth
    from the kitchen's shadows really exists!
[04:24] Tae
    Kagura-chan, that's just a mask.
[04:26] Ko
    O-Otae-san!
[04:28] Kag
    Aw, how lame.
[04:30] Kag
    Oh, it's a yakisoba stand!
[04:32] Tae
    I-I'm so sorry. That was rude of her.
[04:34] Ko
    D-Don't be! It didn't bother me at all.
[04:37] Ko
    She doesn't realize that it's me?
[04:40] Tae
    Huh? Where did she go?
[04:43] Tae
    Kagura-chan!
[04:44] Tae
    This is a problem.
[04:45] Tae
    She doesn't have any money on her.
[04:48] Ko
    U-Uh, if you'd like, I could
    look for her with you.
[04:53] Tae
    Thank you. This is a huge help.
[04:55] Tae
    Are you sure you don't mind?
[04:57] Ko
    W-We need to help one another
    out when we're in trouble.
[05:00] Ko
    It's a miracle!
[05:01] Ko
    Nothing I've done has ever worked,
[05:03] Ko
    but the moment I became a roach,
    I got blessed with such good fortune!
[05:07] Tae
    But aren't you here to enjoy the festival?
    You're sure it's all right?
[05:11] Ko
    Oh, I was actually pretty bored by myself.
[05:14] Ko
    Besides, I can't leave a girl here all alone.
[05:16] Tae
    That's true. I hope Kagura-chan is all right.
[05:19] Ko
    No, not just her. I meant you, too.
[05:22] Ko
    There's no way I could ignore such
    a beautiful damsel in distress.
[05:26] Tae
    M-Me?
[05:27] Tae
    Thank you.
[05:29] Tae
    You really are like some kind of hero.
[05:32] Ko
    What the hell? Things are looking great!
[05:35] Ko
    Why am I faring so much better
    as a roach than as Kondo Isao?
[05:38] Ko
    N-No. I don't care.
[05:40] Ko
    If it means I can go on a date with Otae-san,
    I'll gladly become a roach or whatever!
[05:44] Gin
    You there! How about a game?
[05:47] Gin
    Huh?
[05:48] Gin
    Oh, it's you, Otae.
[05:50] Tae
    Gin-san?
[05:50] Ko
    Ack! Why is he here?!
[05:53] Tae
    What are you doing here?
[05:56] Gin
    Well, I figured I could use this
    festival to make some money.
[06:00] Gin
    What about you? On a date with a roach?
[06:02] Ko
    T-Talk about rude!
[06:04] Ko
    I'm not a roach!
[06:06] Ko
    I'm Masked Roachief!
[06:08] Gin
    Roachief? So you are a roach, then.
[06:10] Kon
    No! I'm the chief of roaches!
[06:12] Gin
    So a roach, then.
[06:13] Tae
    You're being rude, Gin-san.
[06:15] Tae
    Kagura-chan got lost, so he's
    looking for her with me.
[06:18] Tae
    He's a kind roach.
[06:20] Gin
    So in the end, he is a roach.
[06:22] Gin
    If you're looking for Kagura,
[06:23] Gin
    she stole Shinpachi's wallet and
    was just getting chased around.
[06:26] Gin
    She'll get caught soon enough.
[06:27] Tae
    That's a relief.
[06:29] Tae
    That means I can meet up
    with her if I wait here.
[06:31] Tae
    Masked Roachief, thanks for your help—
[06:33] Ko
    Oh, no!
[06:35] Ko
    There's a Roach Motel here!
[06:37] Tae
    Masked Roachief?!
[06:38] Ko
    Damn it all! Now I can't take a
    single step away from this stand!
[06:40] Ko
    What am I to do?!
[06:42] Ko
    Are you telling me I have
    no choice but to play here?
[06:45] Ko
    Curse you, stand owner!
[06:46] Gin
    Actually, you're hindering my
    business, so could you leave?
[06:49] Ko
    I-I know!
[06:50] Ko
    If I have to play anyway,
    would you like to join me, Otae-san?
[06:53] Ko
    It'll be on me.
[06:54] Tae
    But I should be the one
    showing you my gratitude...
[06:57] Ko
    I-In that case, could you show it
    by hanging out with me a bit longer?
[07:00] Tae
    I'd love to, of course.
[07:03] Ko
    All right!
[07:05] Tae
    But the money...
[07:07] Gin
    He's a man, Otae. Don't embarrass him.
[07:10] Gin
    At times like these, you gotta
    let the guy carry the burden.
SIGN    Solo 200 yen Couple 300 yen Cockroach 6,000 yen
[07:13] Gin
    Don't worry. I'll give you a couples' discount.
[07:16] Ko
    Aren't you putting too much
    of a burden on roaches?!
[07:18] Ko
    That cancels out the couples' discount!
[07:21] Gin
    Well, what do you expect?
[07:22] Gin
    They say for every cockroach you see,
    there are thirty others.
[07:25] Ko
    They mean inside a house!
[07:27] Ko
    Are you charging for thirty?!
[07:29] Gin
    If you don't like it, go elsewhere.
SIGN    Goldfish Scooping Shooting Gallery Mold Carving
SIGN    We've got everything!
[07:30] Gin
    Otae will stay here and
    wait for Kagura, though.
[07:33] Ko
    Damn you.
[07:34] Ko
    Trying to sweep the muck
    from beneath my feet, eh?
[07:36] Gin
    But in return, we've got everything, from
    goldfish scooping to a shooting gallery.
[07:40] Gin
    This is a miniature amusement
    park where you can
[07:42] Gin
    experience all the classic summer festival
    attractions, so it's worth the cost.
[07:46] Ko
    Very well.
[07:47] Ko
    I have to do this to enjoy a
    festival date with Otae-san.
[07:49] Ko
    Th-Then, Otae-san, why don't
    we try the shooting gallery?
[07:53] Tae
    Sounds good! That sure brings back memories!
[07:55] Ko
    I'm gonna do it!
[07:56] Ko
    On this date, I'm gonna capture
    Otae-san's heart in the Roach Motel!
SIGN    Berth
    Motel
[08:01] Gin
    Come this way, please.
[08:05] Ko
    Otae-san, is there a prize
    you've got your eye on?
[08:08] Ko
    I'll shoot it down for you.
[08:10] Tae
    Really?
[08:12] Tae
    Which should I choose?
[08:13] Ko
    Ah, it feels like my heart's
    being cleansed anew.
[08:16] Ko
    So this is what a festival date is like.
[08:18] Tae
    I'd like that handkerchief, then.
[08:20] Gin
    You've got a keen eye, miss.
[08:22] Gin
    That's from the famous Bitch brand.
[08:25] Gin
    All right, boyfriend. Take close aim.
[08:27] Gin
    The trick is catching the center
    of the target in your crosshairs.
[08:29] Gin
    And...
[08:30] Gin
    Making sure the bullet gets there.
[08:32] Kon
    Like hell it will!
[08:33] Kon
    Quit treating a festival-goer like
    some kind of top-class sniper!
[08:36] Gin
    It's a special service for couples,
[08:38] Gin
    where we match the firing range to
    the distance between boy and girl.
[08:41] Kon
    It's too far!
[08:42] Kon
    You're so close to me,
    and yet I can't see you at all!
[08:45] Gin
    For a cockroach, you sure
    are quick to give up.
[08:48] Kon
    Why don't you shoot that handkerchief, then?
[08:51] Gin
    The handkerchief?
[08:52] Gin
    Who told you to aim at that?
[08:55] ---
    What?
[08:55] Gin
    Shooting that won't get you any prizes.
[08:58] Gin
    First, land a headshot on that stand owner,
    and while he's knocked out...
[09:03] Kon
    You were offering up some
    other stand's prize?!
[09:05] Kon
    You can't call this a shooting gallery!
[09:07] Kon
    It's nothing but robbery!
[09:09] Gin
    Don't go picking up a gun if you're
    not prepared to hurt somebody.
[09:13] Kon
    I'd gladly land a headshot on you, though!
[09:15] Gin
    All right, all right.
[09:17] Gin
    We've even got a shooting
    gallery for babies like you.
[09:21] Gin
    That'll be 6,000 yen.
[09:22] Kon
    Are you gonna charge for every little thing?
[09:24] Kon
    It'd be quicker to just buy the handkerchief.
[09:27] Tae
    Wow!
[09:28] Tae
    That's a Bitch bag!
[09:29] Tae
    How'd you get that, Gin-san?
[09:31] Gin
    It's our top prize.
[09:34] Gin
    Can you guys shoot it?
[09:36] Kon
    Before that, isn't the gallery super weird?!
[09:39] Kon
    Who the hell is that old man?!
[09:42] Kon
    H-Hey, Gramps. You're in the way.
[09:44] Kon
    Could you move for a sec?
[09:45] Kon
    I'm gonna shoot, okay? Here I go!
[09:48] Kon
    It hit!
[09:50] Kon
    Only a fruit, though.
[09:52] Kon
    Uh, the old man is totally staring at me.
[09:54] Kon
    He's totally glaring at me!
[09:57] Kon
    He threw the prize at me!
[09:59] Kon
    What the hell?!
[10:00] Kon
    What kind of shooting gallery is this?!
[10:02] Kon
    Damn. I can't hit the bag at all.
[10:05] Kon
    Hey! The old man is crying now!
[10:10] Kon
    He doesn't wanna let go of the prize!
    It seems to be a portrait of someone!
[10:14] Kon
    Is that it? Is that what it's all about?
[10:16] Kon
    Is that his deceased wife's altar?
[10:17] Kon
    I can't shoot now!
[10:19] Kon
    He's staring at me with his tear-filled eyes!
[10:21] Kon
    Damn!
[10:22] Kon
    Now his grandchildren showed up!
[10:24] Kon
    They just blocked the shot
    themselves! Is that allowed?
[10:26] Kon
    Is that really allowed?!
[10:29] Kon
    They look like they're saying,
    "What more do you want to take from us?"
[10:32] Kon
    Wasn't this supposed to
    be a shooting gallery?!
[10:36] Kon
    This is totally like one of those
[10:38] Kon
    "if you can't pay up, cough
    up yer valuables" scenes!
[10:40] Kon
    Wait, why are you showing up in this story?!
[10:43] Kon
    "Oh? Looks like you've got
    somethin' nice over here."
[10:46] Kon
    "I'll let you off the hook
    with this for today," right?
[10:48] Kon
    As if! Don't just walk off with the prize!
[10:50] Kon
    Hold it!
[10:51] Kon
    Freeze!
[10:55] Kon
    Got him!
[10:56] Kon
    Here comes the last shot—
[11:00] G
    Happy 60th Anniversary.
[11:02] G
    Sorry I'm so late.
[11:04] G
    Here's the Bitch bag you always wanted.
[11:08] G
    My incompetence meant that I couldn't give
    it to you while you were still alive,
[11:12] G
    but please doll up in the
    afterlife and wait for me.
[11:19] Ko
    Sh-Shit!
[11:21] Ko
    Shit!
[11:30] Tae
    I'm sorry, Roachief.
[11:33] Tae
    I wasted
[11:36] Tae
    the last shot.
[11:39] Tae
    But this was for the best, wasn't it?
[11:41] Tae
    What's wrong with this shooting gallery?!
[11:43] Tae
    In the end, I paid 6,000 yen
    just to see a shitty skit!
[11:47] Tae
    Um, don't worry about it.
[11:49] Tae
    I'll buy the bag myself.
[11:51] Tae
    Shall we move on to the next one?
[11:53] Kon
    Damn it all!
[11:54] Kon
    So this is their style of festival?
[11:57] Kon
    But I won't give up!
[11:58] Kon
    I'll show 'em how tenacious
    a cockroach can be!
[12:08] Shin
    The cost is 6,200 yen for cockroaches,
    but we'll give you a 200 yen discount.
[12:12] Ko
    Th-Thanks.
[12:14] Ko
    Discount? Isn't this 200 yen shaved ice
    you bought from the next stand over?
[12:18] Ko
    Anyway, Kagura-chan, you had me so worried.
[12:21] Ko
    I was wondering where you ran off to.
[12:23] Kag
    I would've ended up being the third
    wheel, so it was the right decision.
[12:26] Kag
    Where did you find this handsome cockroach?
[12:29] Tae
    Jeez! I'm telling you, it's not like that.
[12:32] Tae
    Right, Roachief?
[12:34] Ko
    U-Um, Otae-san...
[12:36] Ko
    Now that we've verified
    that your friend is safe,
[12:38] Ko
    how about we try some other stands?
[12:41] Tae
    But they said we could try
    all sorts of games here.
[12:45] Tae
    And at a festival, the
    more the merrier, right?
[12:48] Ko
    Y-You're right.
[12:50] Ko
    I guess it's best to enjoy it with everyone.
[12:53] Ko
    This certainly is like a dream come true.
[12:56] Ko
    I can't believe Otae-san and
    I are on a festival date.
[13:00] Ko
    However, I can only have
    that smile directed at me
[13:04] Ko
    while I have this mask on.
SIGN    Solo 200 yen Couple 300 yen Cockroach 6,000 yen
[13:06] Ko
    And the way this is going,
    I won't have nearly enough money.
[13:09] Ko
    I must show off my cool side
    in some quick game
[13:12] Ko
    and capture her heart.
[13:14] Gin
    We're good to go, sir.
[13:16] Gin
    You've tried the shooting gallery,
    so how about some mold carving next?
[13:19] Gin
    No festival is complete
    without this game, right?
[13:23] Kon
    Looks like it's a proper game this time.
[13:26] Tae
    Mold carving? What's that?
[13:27] Kon
    Oh, you've never played it?
[13:30] Kon
    Mold carving is a game where
    you use a needle to carve out
[13:33] Kon
    various shapes drawn on candies
    without breaking them.
[13:36] Tae
    Wow, that sounds like fun. I'm not
    sure I'll be able to do it, though.
[13:39] Ko
    I'll help you if you get stuck.
[13:41] Gin
    All right. For one turn,
[13:43] Gin
    consisting of three molds,
    it'll be 18,000 yen.
[13:45] Ko
    Not 6,000 yen per turn?!
[13:47] Gin
    It's 6,000 yen per mold.
[13:49] Gin
    In return, we've got some extravagant prizes,
[13:52] Gin
    and we'll even let you choose the pattern.
SIGN    Mold Carving List 50k 100k 150k
[13:54] Gin
    What would you like, miss?
[13:56] Gin
    I recommend number two here.
    It's for 100,000 yen.
[13:58] Tae
    100,000 yen?!
[13:59] Tae
    We can win 100,000 yen just
    by carving this snake out?
[14:02] Gin
    I said we had extravagant prizes, didn't I?
[14:04] Tae
    Let's go with this one, Roachief.
[14:07] Gin
    All right, here's number two:
[14:09] Gin
    Goddess Benzaiten's White Dragon King avatar.
[14:12] Kon
    It was Goddess Benzaiten's
    White Dragon King avatar!
[14:15] Kon
    That's way too drastic a difference!
[14:17] Kon
    Where did all this detail come from?!
[14:19] Kon
    Is there a problem? It was always Goddess
    Benzaiten's White Dragon King avatar.
[14:22] Ko
    No, it was clearly an ordinary snake!
[14:25] Gin
    Oh, Goddess Benzaiten's
    White Dragon King avatar
[14:27] Gin
    did originally have the
    appearance of a white snake.
[14:29] Gin
    Maybe it transformed between cuts.
[14:31] Ko
    I couldn't care less about
[14:33] Ko
    the backstory of Goddess Benzaiten's
    White Dragon King avatar!
[14:35] Ko
    Carving this out is impossible!
[14:38] Ko
    How am I supposed to do the lightning?!
SIGN    Mold Carving List 50k 100k 150k
[14:41] Gin
    Want to lower the difficulty
    level for the second mold, then?
[14:44] Gin
    Wanna try the 50,000 one?
[14:45] Ko
    Yeah, let's go with that.
[14:46] Ko
    Even if it turns out to be
    realistic-looking soft serve,
[14:48] Ko
    it should still be simple enough.
[14:50] Gin
    All right, here's your Goddess Benzaiten's
    White Dragon King avatar cream.
[14:53] Ko
    It was Goddess Benzaiten's
    White Dragon King avatar cream!
[14:57] Ko
    Knock it off!
[14:58] Ko
    It's all Goddess Benzaiten's
    White Dragon King avatar!
[15:01] Ko
    And what the hell is a Goddess Benzaiten's
    White Dragon King avatar cream?!
[15:04] Ko
    All I did was put it down, and it broke!
[15:08] Gin
    How about this, then? It's for 25,000 yen.
[15:10] Ko
    Who is that?!
[15:10] Ko
    I don't have a clue, but it looks
    easy, so let's go with that!
[15:13] Gin
    All right, here's your 3D White Dragon.
[15:15] Ko
    It was a 3D White Dragon!
[15:17] Ko
    No way!
[15:18] Ko
    No way in hell I can carve out
    such a manly White Dragon!
[15:22] Tae
    Maybe you only think it'd be difficult because
    you're fixated on the "carving out" part.
[15:26] Tae
    If you think along the lines of getting rid of
[15:30] Tae
    the unnecessary parts...
[15:31] Ko
    How?!
[15:33] Ko
    How did you make the White
    Dragon with just that?
[15:35] Ko
    What are you, a Futae-no-Kiwami master?!
[15:37] Tae
    But the White Dragon's horn is still there...
[15:38] Kon
    No, he doesn't have a horn!
[15:40] Kon
    How did it end up in this shape?!
[15:43] Tae
    You can apply the finishing touches, Roachief.
[15:45] Tae
    Please get rid of that unnecessary horn.
[15:47] Ko
    It's unnecessary? Is it not
    supposed to be there?
[15:49] Ko
    Crap, this is a huge responsibility.
[15:51] Ko
    If I mess up here...
[15:52] Ko
    No! Consider this a golden opportunity!
[15:54] Ko
    I have to show off my cool side here!
[15:55] Kag
    Yay, Bro!
[15:56] Kag
    So many broken mold pieces!
[15:58] Shin
    Let's dig in while we still have the chance.
[16:00] Gin
    Hey!
[16:01] Gin
    What are you doing, you brats?!
[16:03] Gin
    Only people who play the
    game get to eat the candy!
[16:06] Gin
    I've got no pieces to
    waste on the likes of you!
[16:08] Ko
    Th-Those are the kids from
    the shooting gallery!
[16:10] Gin
    Sorry about that.
[16:12] Gin
    Those brats have started coming
    to leech off the stand lately.
[16:15] Gin
    Apparently their parents ran away,
[16:18] Gin
    leaving them without a home or food.
[16:21] Gin
    I'm sure you think those
    pieces are no big deal,
[16:23] Gin
    but if you keep showing pity to strays,
    there'll be no end to it.
[16:27] Kag
    Look, Bro. That's a big White Dragon.
[16:30] Kag
    Think they'll throw that horn away?
[16:32] Shin
    Forget about it. Come here.
[16:36] Shin
    I told you to come here!
[16:45] Tae
    Oops. My hand slipped.
[16:48] Tae
    There are broken candy pieces everywhere.
[16:51] Tae
    Let me get rid of them.
[16:54] Tae
    That was okay, right?
[16:56] Ko
    This again?!
[16:58] Ko
    Yet again, they got in the way
    just when I was about to win!
[17:01] Ko
    They're the real roaches here!
[17:03] Tae
    Sorry. We were so close.
[17:05] Ko
    O-Oh, it's nothing.
[17:06] Ko
    Damn them! How dare they take
    advantage of Otae-san's kind heart?!
[17:11] Ko
    In that case...
SIGN    Goldfish Scooping Shooting Gallery Mold Carving
[17:12] Ko
    Hey, could we try goldfish scooping next?
[17:17] Ko
    Goldfish scooping should be fine because
    the shop won't lose much money
[17:19] Ko
    even if we scoop out three or four.
[17:21] Ko
    Surely there won't be any
    need for them to interfere.
[17:26] Tae
    Wow! There are so many cute goldfish!
[17:28] Ko
    How about it, Otae-san?
[17:30] Ko
    Let's have a goldfish scooping battle.
[17:33] Ko
    The one who scoops the most
    fish gets to keep them all.
[17:36] Tae
    Are you sure?
[17:37] Tae
    I'll have you know, I'm pretty
    good at goldfish scooping.
[17:39] Ko
    Please.
[17:40] Ko
    I won't be outdone, either.
[17:43] Ko
    If I win, I can show off my manly side.
[17:45] Ko
    And if I lose, I'm making her look good.
[17:48] Ko
    No matter how it turns out, I win!
[17:50] Ko
    I won't hold back, okay?
[17:52] Tae
    Wait a minute.
[17:53] Tae
    I'm starting to feel nervous.
[17:55] Tae
    Do you mind if I practice a little?
[17:57] Ko
    No way. That's no fair, Otae-san.
[18:00] Tae
    Just a little bit, okay?
[18:01] Tae
    Pretty please.
[18:02] Ko
    Sheesh. Just a little, okay?
[18:05] Ko
    Yeah, a festival date is the best—
[18:12] Tae
    Huh? Only fifty-three?
[18:15] Tae
    Looks like I'm a bit rusty.
[18:18] Tae
    Okay, then. Let's do this for real.
[18:21] Gin
    Wow, you're pretty good, miss.
[18:24] Tae
    You think so?
[18:26] Tae
    I could get up to eighty in one go before.
[18:28] Gin
    You should focus on your prey more.
[18:31] Gin
    The trick is to predict
    how the goldfish will move.
[18:34] Gin
    And...
[18:35] Gin
    Reaching the goldfish, I guess.
[18:36] Ko
    This is the same as the shooting gallery!
[18:38] Ko
    The goldfish are too far away!
[18:40] Ko
    You went too far, Otae-san!
[18:41] Ko
    You made these roaches spring into action!
[18:43] Tae
    Excuse me. I can't reach the goldfish this way.
[18:47] Tae
    This is a special service for couples,
[18:48] Tae
    where we match the depth of the pool
    to the depth of the girl's greed.
[18:51] Ko
    You've turned the goldfish into deep-sea fish!
[18:54] Gin
    To shorten the distance between
    you and your girlfriend,
[18:56] Gin
    there are times when you need resolve
    strong enough to jump off a cliff.
[18:59] Ko
    That will only shorten my lifespan!
[19:02] Gin
    Who said you should jump to your death?
[19:05] Gin
    I'm telling you to snare
    some fish by bungee jumping.
[19:08] Gin
    Here's your safety line.
[19:09] Ko
    Wait!
[19:09] Ko
    Forget the fish, my neck's
    been ensnared instead!
[19:12] Gin
    Just go already!
[19:13] Ko
    Like hell I could—
[19:15] Tae
    I'll be going ahead, then.
[19:17] Ko
    What are you doing, Otae-san?!
[19:19] Ko
    Just how much are you staking
    your life on goldfish scooping?!
[19:23] Gin
    Huh? Did she forget to tie her safety line?
[19:28] Ko
    Otae-san!
[19:31] Ko
    C-Can't breathe!
[19:34] Tae
    Roachief?
[19:36] Ko
    I-I'm here to save you, Otae-san.
[19:39] Tae
    Don't get in my way!
[19:40] Tae
    It's against the rules!
[19:42] Ko
    This isn't the time for that!
[19:44] Ko
    You and I are both going to die!
[19:46] Shin
    Watch out!
[19:47] Kag
    Somebody help...
[19:49] Ko
    That's right. Somebody call for help.
[19:52] Bo
    ...our Gramps!
[19:56] Ko
    Why you?!
[19:58] Ko
    My neck's gonna break!
[20:00] Tae
    What are you doing, Gramps?
[20:03] G
    Grandma, I'm coming to see you right now...
[20:07] Tae
    Gramps, don't tell me...
[20:09] Ko
    Nobody cares about that stupid skit!
[20:13] Ko
    I'm in danger of going to see her first!
[20:17] Gin
    You guys must now make a fateful decision.
[20:21] Gin
    Will you scoop up goldfish,
    or will you scoop up Gramps' life?
[20:24] Gin
    Pick whichever you like.
[20:25] Ko
    What kind of goldfish scooping is this?!
[20:28] Gin
    If you want to scoop the goldfish,
    all you have to do is let go.
[20:31] Ko
    Hey! Just how badly do they not
    want to lose their goldfish?!
[20:34] Tae
    I can't let him go!
[20:36] Tae
    But at this rate, even Roachief will...
[20:39] Ko
    I had a feeling you'd say that.
[20:41] Ko
    That's right.
[20:44] Ko
    The date may have ended up as a mess,
[20:46] Ko
    but that's what makes Otae-san who she is.
[20:50] Ko
    Then...
[20:51] Ko
    I'll protect both you and your
    beliefs until the very end!
[20:57] Ko
    After all,
[20:59] Ko
    I'm Masked Roachief Black RX!
[21:03] Ko
    Now! Climb up here, you two!
[21:06] Tae
    Uh, I'm sorry,
[21:08] Tae
    but we already reached the ground.
[21:10] Tae
    The rope stretched all the way down.
[21:12] Tae
    I guess we had another
    option to choose from.
[21:17] Tae
    Scooping goldfish using Gramps.
[21:21] Tae
    My, my, Roachief.
[21:23] Tae
    I don't plan on scooping goldfish
    with a cockroach, you know.
[21:29] Tae
    Of course...
[21:32] Tae
    Not with a gorilla, either.
[21:34] Kag
    Maybe he'll learn from this and quit stalking.
[21:37] Kag
    I can't believe he tried
    to deceive the boss lady
[21:39] Kag
    by wearing a mask to get
    close to her. What a jerk.
[21:42] Tae
    I don't know about that.
[21:44] Tae
    This mask may have hidden his face,
[21:46] Tae
    but in exchange, it may have
    made other things easier to see.
[21:48] Kag
    Like how this pervert wasn't
    a gorilla, but a cockroach?
[21:53] Tae
    No, that's not it.
[21:59] Tae
    Like how spending the festival
    with everyone was fun.
SIGN    Preview
[23:35] Kag
    Next Episode:
[23:36] Kag
    A Kaboom Summer?
[23:38] Soyo
    A Kafrizz Summer?
[23:40] Kag
    A Disperse Summer?
[23:41] Kag
    Oh...
SIGN    A Sizzle Summer
[23:42] Bo
    "A Sizzle Summer!"
[23:44] Sei
    And...
SIGN    Preview
[23:45] Sei
    "A Nothing Summer, 2015."
SIGN    A Nothing Summer, 2015
SIGN    Summer break has reached its closing stages!
SIGN    You won't be able to play for much longer! Mwahaha! (Demon Lord)
SIGN    Once you become a working adult, you won't get many chances to use offensive spells,
SIGN    so let's up our defense and do our best!

E286 - A Sizzle Summer

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:36] Kag
    It's too bad about watermelons, huh?
[01:39] So
    What's too bad?
[01:40] Kag
    They're delicious, but the seeds get in the way.
SIGN    Princess Soyo's request: Please watch this program in
    a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV.
[01:43] Kag
    If it weren't for them, they'd
    be as good as pears or peaches.
[01:48] So
    True.
[01:49] So
    It's crossed my mind that, just once,
[01:51] So
    I'd like to bite into one without
    worrying about seeds.
[01:55] Gin
    You two just don't get it.
[01:58] Gin
    Overcoming the obstacle of these
    annoying seeds to eat the watermelon
[02:04] Gin
    is the mini-drama, of sorts, that
    gives its flavor a sense of urgency
[02:08] Gin
    and makes it even more delicious.
[02:11] Gin
    Basically, when you eat a watermelon,
[02:12] Gin
    you eat not the fruit,
    but the drama it creates.
[02:16] So
    You mean to say the bigger the obstacle,
[02:20] So
    the more drama there is,
    the tastier the watermelon?
[02:25] Gin
    Yes, exactly.
[02:27] So
    I see.
[02:28] So
    Then, Kagura-chan,
[02:30] So
    let's make these even tastier.
[02:32] Kag
    How?
[02:35] So
    Leave it to me!
SIGN    A Sizzle Summer
[02:46] So
    Ready or not, here I come!
[02:49] So
    Chest!
[02:51] So
    Wait a sec, Princess!
[02:52] So
    Calm down for a moment, Princess!
[02:54] Shin
    Put the wooden sword down
    for a moment, Princess!
[02:56] Gin
    What is this, watermelon splitting?
[02:57] Shin
    If it is, it's nothing like the
    kind we're familiar with!
[03:00] So
    I figured this would make
    things more dramatic.
[03:03] Gin
    Who asked you to create a suspense drama?!
[03:06] So
    I'm sure the watermelon will taste divine
    after overcoming such a massive obstacle.
[03:10] Shin
    But we won't be able to eat it!
[03:11] Shin
    Our heads will get smashed to pulp, too!
[03:14] Kag
    Quit your whining.
[03:16] Kag
    Kiryl and Borya are fated to
    either quietly stay in the cart
[03:19] Kag
    or be given the runaround by Alena.
[03:21] Gin
    Who are you calling Kiryl and Borya?!
[03:22] Gin
    Is this watermelon Torneko, then?!
    Are we the three cart brothers?!
[03:25] Kag
    Focus! If you don't do a good job
    leading her to the watermelon,
[03:28] Kag
    you'll end up taking
    Alena's strongest attack.
[03:30] Gin
    Wait, not this way! Go toward Kiryl!
[03:33] Shin
    Shut it, Borya!
[03:34] So
    Um, can you be more specific
    than "Kiryl" and "Borya"?
[03:38] Shin
    Thwack!
[03:38] Shin
    Thwack thirty degrees right!
SIGN    Shinpachi used Thwack!
[03:42] Gin
    No! Thwack thirty degrees the other way!
SIGN    Gintoki used Thwack!
[03:46] Shin
    W-Wait! Thwack the other way!
SIGN    Shinpachi used Thwack!
[03:48] Gin
    Thwack! Thwack thirty degrees left!
SIGN    Gintoki used Thwack!
[03:50] Kag
    Hey! Quit spamming Thwack!
[03:53] So
    Uh...
[03:54] So
    Thirty degrees... Thwack...
[03:57] Gin
    No, no! Hey!
[03:58] Gin
    The princess ended up being put under Thwack!
[04:01] Gin
    Watch out!
[04:02] Kag
    Soyo-chan! Not that way!
[04:04] Kag
    You gotta Zing 180 degrees!
[04:06] Gin
    Wait! You mean Kazing 180 degrees!
[04:08] Shin
    Whichever! Who cares?!
[04:09] Gin
    Don't move!
[04:10] Gin
    Just stay right there, Princess Soyo!
[04:12] So
    Huh? What was that?
[04:14] So
    Stay right there and...
[04:16] So
    Sizzle?!
SIGN    Princess Soyo used Sizzle!
[04:20] Gin
    Who told you to use Sizzle?!
[04:21] Gin
    I said "Princess Soyo"!
[04:24] W
    That's my bag!
[04:27] W
    Thank you!
[04:29] W
    That guy was a purse snatcher.
[04:31] Gin
    The guy she hit with Sizzle
    was a purse snatcher!
[04:33] Gin
    She miraculously retrieved the stolen bag!
[04:36] W
    Things had really gone south.
    How can I repay you?
[04:38] So
    Huh?
[04:39] So
    South...
[04:41] So
    Evac to the south?!
SIGN    Princess Soyo used Evac!
[04:45] Gin
    What kind of mishearing is that?!
[04:46] Gin
    She Evac-ed while holding the stolen bag!
[04:48] Gin
    She's not even heading south!
[04:50] W
    Eek! A thief!
SIGN    Arrest
[04:55] C
    You there! Freeze!
[04:57] Gin
    Oh, crap!
[04:58] Gin
    At the worst possible time,
    the fuzz showed up!
[04:59] Gin
    Hurry, Kagura! Go explain
    the situation to them!
[05:02] Kag
    Wait, that's Princess Soyo!
    Hurt her and you'll be put to death!
[05:06] So
    Sizzle Death?!
SIGN    Princess Soyo used Sizzle Death!
[05:10] Shin
    Quit saying more than necessary, Kagura-chan!
[05:12] C
    Wh-What was that for?
[05:14] C
    Subdue her!
[05:15] Kag
    Time out! Hurt the shogun's sister
    and you'll be put to death!
[05:18] So
    Kasizzle Death!
SIGN    Princess Soyo used Kasizzle Death!
[05:21] Gin
    That's Sizzle's sister spell!
[05:23] Shin
    Even the shogun got turned into Sizzle?!
[05:25] Shin
    Is everything that starts
    with "s" Sizzle to her?!
[05:28] Gin
    Somebody use Fizzle on
    her and seal her spells!
[05:30] So
    Thunder Staff Death!
SIGN    Princess Soyo used Thunder Staff Death!
[05:34] Gin
    She's even using Sizzle with a weapon?!
[05:36] Gin
    Just how big a Sizzle fan is she?!
[05:38] Gin
    At this point, maybe if we said "Sizzle,"
    she'd hear it as "Princess Soyo"!
SIGN    Kagura used Sizzle Death!
[05:41] Kag
    Sizzle Death!
[05:43] Gin
    I wasn't talking to you!
[05:45] Gin
    We've gotta stop those Sizzle girls
    before this turns really ugly.
[05:49] Kag
    Sizzle! Sizzle! Sizzle!
[05:52] C
    I'll handle this!
[05:54] C
    Take her and go!
[05:55] Kag
    Sizzle!
[05:58] Kag
    Soyo-chan!
[06:01] Kag
    Where are you taking Soyo-chan?
[06:03] Kag
    You guys have the wrong idea.
[06:05] Kag
    That's—
[06:06] C
    Princess Soyo, the shogun's
    little sister, right?
[06:11] C
    You're the ones with the wrong idea.
[06:14] C
    We're not cops.
SIGN    Joi Rebel Faction
    Snowstorm
[06:17] C
    We're a Joi Rebel faction, Snowstorm!
[06:20] C
    We got intel that Princess Soyo often
    sneaks out of the castle incognito.
[06:25] C
    I hear the shogun loves his
    little sister very much.
[06:30] C
    If we used her as a bargaining chip,
    surely he'd start listening to us a little.
[06:36] C
    Of course, depending on his attitude,
[06:39] C
    we might have to use her
    eyeballs, ears, and fingers—
[06:42] All
    Princess!
[06:42] All
    Soyo-chan!
[06:45] Shin
    This is bad, Gin-san!
[06:46] Shin
    If anything happens to the princess...
[06:47] Shin
    No, we're already guaranteed
    to lose our heads!
[06:50] Gin
    Settle down!
[06:52] Gin
    Talk about a cloud with a silver lining.
[06:55] Gin
    Those guys are Joi Rebels.
[06:56] Gin
    If we take them all out before the
    kidnapping negotiations begin,
[07:00] Gin
    no one will know any of this happened.
[07:02] Shin
    Huh? Is that even possible?
[07:04] Kag
    Even if it were, the memory would haunt
    Soyo-chan for the rest of her life!
[07:09] Kag
    She'll stop coming to hang out in town!
[07:13] T
    Hey! Where do you guys think you're running?!
[07:16] Gin
    Nah, I'm sure it'll be a
    great summer memory for her.
[07:21] C
    Step on it!
[07:22] C
    We must start the negotiations before the
    bakufu's lapdogs get a whiff of this!
[07:26] So
    Um...
[07:28] So
    It's pretty far, huh?
[07:31] So
    The watermelon.
[07:35] Gin
    Not at all!
[07:36] Gin
    If you're looking for the watermelon,
    it's right in front of you!
[07:42] C
    I can't see!
[07:48] C
    Get out!
[07:49] C
    Quick, take the princess!
[07:54] Shin
    Go! Strike!
[08:00] C
    Y-You bastards...
[08:02] C
    That's enough!
[08:04] C
    If you keep getting in our way,
    the princess will lose her life!
[08:11] C
    Wh-What's so funny?
[08:13] So
    Well, this really is a scene
    right out of a drama!
[08:16] C
    A-A drama?!
[08:18] Gin
    Gosh, sorry about this.
[08:21] Gin
    It's turned into a cheap
    two-hour suspense drama.
[08:25] So
    Not at all. I had loads of fun!
[08:28] So
    But don't you think the watermelon has
    become sweet enough by now?
[08:32] Gin
    I guess.
[08:33] Gin
    Shall we eat up the watermelon, then,
[08:36] Gin
    Princess Soyo?
[08:39] So
    Up... watermelon?
[08:43] So
    Sizzle!
[08:55] So
    I did it!
[08:56] Shin
    Bull's-eye!
[09:01] Shin
    My, when did all these people get here?
[09:04] Gin
    Don't worry about it.
[09:06] Gin
    I hired them to create some drama so you could enjoy your watermelon.
[09:11] So
    What? You went that far?
[09:14] So
    Thank you so much, extras.
[09:18] So
    I've made a wonderful memory.
[09:21] C
    No problem.
[09:23] So
    Since we're all here,
[09:25] So
    let's all have some watermelon together.
[09:27] So
    With all the drama that happened,
[09:30] So
    it should be absolutely delicious now.
[09:34] So
    All together, now.
[09:36] All
    Let's eat!
[09:46] So
    I guess we took too long.
[09:49] Gin
    Seems that way.
[09:57] Gin
    Watermelons really are
[10:00] Gin
    better Snowstormed than Sizzled.
[10:05] Shin
    Summer's already ending.
[10:08] Shin
    Even as a working adult,
[10:09] Shin
    the end of summer break still
    makes you feel sad, doesn't it?
[10:13] Gin
    You mean like, "I didn't
    get **** this year, again"?
[10:16] Shin
    Could you not make such tasteless remarks?
[10:19] Gin
    Do you have any good
    memories of summer, then?
[10:23] Gin
    See?
[10:24] Gin
    Most guys in this world expect to have
[10:26] Gin
    a naughty experience or two during summer,
[10:29] Gin
    but then it ends without
    anything happening.
[10:31] Gin
    After spending many barren summers
    like that, nerds learn what reality is
[10:35] Gin
    and truly become adults.
[10:37] Shin
    Talk about no hopes or dreams!
[10:39] Shin
    It's gotta be out there somewhere!
[10:41] Shin
    A captivating summer that'll
    jump-start our adult lives!
[10:45] Shin
    I won't lose hope!
[10:46] Shin
    In the next scene, some incredible babe
    might show up here to make a request,
[10:50] Shin
    taking summer break into sudden death—
[10:56] Shin
    You bastard!
[10:57] Shin
    Don't try to beat me to the door!
[10:59] Shin
    Your words and actions don't match!
[11:01] Gin
    Shut it!
[11:02] Gin
    Kids like you should go finish your
    summer homework or something!
[11:04] Gin
    I've got an adult's free
    research waiting for me here!
[11:07] Sei
    I knew you guys were the type to
    save it 'til the last minute, too.
[11:11] Sei
    If we all work on our
    summer homework together,
[11:13] Sei
    it's not too late to finish, right?
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[11:18] Kag
    It's true.
[11:19] Kag
    Summer isn't over just yet.
SIGN    A Nothing Summer, 2015
[11:27] Sei
    This is what the end of
    summer break is all about.
[11:30] Sei
    Finishing the piled-up homework together.
[11:32] Sei
    It's summer's last seasonal
    event, right, Shin-nii?
[11:35] Shin
    I wish summer had ended earlier.
[11:37] Sei
    You don't have to put it like that!
[11:40] Kag
    Seita, you really haven't touched it at all.
[11:44] Sei
    If Mom or Tsukuyo-nee were
    to find out about this,
[11:46] Sei
    I'd lose a whole year's worth of allowance!
[11:49] Gin
    You're going to lose a year's
    worth of allowance either way.
[11:52] Shin
    Are you gonna charge him for this?!
[11:53] Gin
    Remember this:
[11:55] Gin
    adults don't work for free.
[11:57] Gin
    There. Now you've grown
    up a little this summer.
[11:59] Shin
    Why don't you grow up?!
[12:02] Sei
    Fine.
[12:03] Sei
    It's better than getting yelled
    at by Mom and Tsukuyo-nee.
[12:06] Sei
    Shin-nii, you take Japanese
    and Social Studies.
[12:08] Sei
    Kagura-chan, you handle
    Math and Science, please.
SIGN    Picture Diary
SIGN    Seita
[12:11] Sei
    The biggest problem is this, Gin-san.
[12:14] Gin
    A picture diary?
[12:15] Sei
    I was told to fill it out daily,
[12:18] Sei
    but I completely forgot about
    it after the first day.
SIGN    July 26 Today, they were showing Laputa in the Friday Matinee slot, so I watched it, then went to bed.
[12:23] Sei
    Today, they were showing Laputa
    in the Friday Movie slot,
[12:26] Sei
    so I watched it, then went to bed.
[12:27] Sei
    I don't remember anything else now.
[12:31] Gin
    What are you talking about?
[12:32] Gin
    This is the easiest part.
[12:34] Sei
    R-Really?
[12:36] Gin
    Going by this first day,
[12:38] Gin
    the week after that probably went like this.
SIGN    July 27 Today, I stared at clouds all day.
[12:42] Sei
    Today, I stared at clouds all day.
SIGN    July 28 Today, I stared at clouds all day again.
[12:47] Sign
    Today, I stared at clouds all day again.
[12:50] Sei
    You're dragging out the
    Laputa thing too long!
[12:52] Gin
    It's only natural.
[12:53] Gin
    If you watch Laputa on the
    first day of summer break,
[12:56] Gin
    you won't be able to recover for a while.
[12:58] Gin
    Without a doubt, a week will fly by
    while you try to find the Dragon's Lair.
SIGN    July 29 I guess it really isn't that easy to find the Dragon's Lair. July 30 I won't give up. I know Laputa is out there somewhere.
[13:01] Sei
    Well, maybe so, but...
[13:03] Kag
    Take this seriously, Gin-chan!
SIGN    Q) There were 20 passengers on the bus. At one bus stop, 7 got off and 3 got on. At the next stop, 11 got off and 4 got on. How many passengers are left?
[13:05] Kag
    If there's a clear gap in intelligence
    between the picture diary and math,
[13:08] Kag
    the teacher's gonna notice.
SIGN    A: The people look like ants.
[13:10] Sei
    Math's been influenced, too!
[13:12] Sei
    You're looking down on the
    bus from up high in Laputa!
[13:15] Sei
    You don't have to keep that part consistent!
SIGN    Write the readings for the following characters: Sky (Laputa) Girl (Sheeta) Diligence (My eyes!! My eyes!!) Majestic (My eyes!! My eyes!!)
[13:20] Sei
    Don't try to avoid the difficult
    questions by closing your eyes!
[13:23] Sei
    Just how much do you guys like Laputa?!
[13:26] Sei
    With this, the teacher will
    figure out I cheated right away!
[13:28] Sei
    We really need to include some
    summery event around here.
[13:33] Sei
    Oh, I know.
[13:34] Sei
    On August 1,
[13:36] Sei
    I think I went with Izumi-chan and
    the others to catch rhinoceros beetles.
[13:39] Sei
    Izumi-chan looks so graceful, but
    she can also climb trees and stuff.
[13:42] Sei
    She was surprisingly awesome.
SIGN    August 1 Izumi-chan... was awesome
[13:45] Gin
    I see.
[13:46] Gin
    Like this, then?
[13:48] Sei
    Not that!
[13:50] Sei
    What part are you making "awesome"?!
[13:52] Sei
    Now it totally looks like I
    was peeping at her panties!
[13:54] Sei
    And why'd the art suddenly get better?!
[13:57] Gin
    Wait, what?
[13:58] Gin
    Didn't you say Izumi-chan was awesome?
SIGN    August 1 Izumi-chan... was awesome My beetle, too... was awesome
[14:00] Sei
    Forget it.
[14:01] Sei
    Just put that the rhinoceros
    beetle I caught was awesome.
[14:05] Sei
    The horn looks like something else entirely!
[14:08] Gin
    In that case, the week after
    would naturally be like this.
SIGN    August 2 Today, along with my horn, I stared at pure white pant—clouds all day.
[14:14] Sei
    Don't drag it out!
[14:15] Sei
    Don't drag the "panties" thing out!
SIGN    August 3 Today, along with my horn, I stared at pure white panties all day again.
[14:17] Gin
    It's only natural.
[14:18] Gin
    If a grade-schooler got a peek at panties,
SIGN    August 4 Panties Panties Panties Panties Panties Panties Panties Panties Panties Panties Panties Panties
[14:19] Gin
    a week will fly by just thinking about it.
[14:21] Sei
    Could you stop making a week fly
    by for anything and everything?!
SIGN    August 5 Panties Panties Panties Panties Panties Panties Panties Panties Panties Panties Panties Panties
[14:24] Sei
    I'm not that sensitive!
[14:25] Gin
    But we should make as much
    progress with the diary as possible.
[14:28] Sei
    It's not progressing!
[14:29] Sei
    If anything, it's regressing!
[14:31] Sei
    And I never saw any panties
    in the first place!
[14:33] Kag
    Seita, don't worry.
SIGN    Q) Draw the adult forms of these larvae.
[14:35] Kag
    As this science problem shows,
[14:38] Kag
    that's how nature works.
[14:40] Kag
    That's what becoming an adult means.
[14:41] Sei
    Why'd they all grow horns?!
[14:43] Sei
    What kind of way is that to become an adult?!
[14:45] Shin
    Do you think you've become an adult just
    by seeing a pair of panties, Seita-kun?
SIGN    Q) Name the following sculpture: _____ de Milo
[14:49] Shin
    If you ask me, you're still a long way off.
SIGN    My eyes!! My eyes!!!
[14:52] Sei
    You're still closing your eyes?
[14:54] Sei
    A guy averting his eyes from
    this level of naughtiness
[14:56] Sei
    is the last person I want to
    hear about adulthood from!
[14:59] Gin
    You'd better remember something,
[15:00] Gin
    or most of your summer break
    will be about panties.
[15:02] Sei
    Wait, wait.
[15:03] Sei
    Go back to August 4!
[15:05] Sei
    I'm pretty sure that day...
[15:08] Sei
    I remember!
[15:09] Sei
    I took Mom and Tsukuyo-nee
    to a fireworks display.
[15:13] Sei
    They'd both lived underground for ages,
[15:17] Sei
    so I wanted to show them
    fireworks adorning the sky.
[15:21] Sei
    But a typhoon hit that day,
    and the show was cancelled.
[15:26] Sei
    I felt really down, but then...
[15:30] Sei
    Tsukuyo-nee went and bought sparklers for us.
[15:36] Sei
    In the end,
[15:37] Sei
    it was a fireworks display under
    a roof for only the three of us,
[15:40] Sei
    but it was lots of fun.
[15:43] Shin
    See? You do have some nice
    stories to tell, Seita-kun.
[15:46] Gin
    It's a bit long.
[15:47] Gin
    Basically, a storm came along when
    you were staring at the sky, right?
[15:50] Gin
    We can make it a lot more concise.
SIGN    August 4 This storm... is the Dragon's Lair! Laputa is nearby!
[15:54] Sei
    I said enough about Laputa already!
[15:56] Sei
    What's important here is that we
    enjoyed a fireworks display together.
[16:00] Sei
    It should go like this!
[16:01] Sei
    The fireworks display got cancelled,
[16:04] Sei
    so I lit fireworks with Mom
    and Tsukuyo-nee instead.
[16:07] Sei
    It was fun.
[16:10] Sei
    Huh? What's wrong?
[16:12] Sei
    It's perfect, isn't it?
[16:14] Shin
    I feel like it's so concise that
    it doesn't tell the full story.
[16:17] Shin
    It lacks the background of your wanting
    to show them fireworks in the sky.
[16:23] Kag
    "In the end, I couldn't show them fireworks,
[16:26] Kag
    but fireworks were bursting in all three
    of our hearts" is the best part, right?
[16:31] Kag
    In the first place,
[16:32] Kag
    isn't this story too rich
    to limit to just one day?
[16:36] Kag
    First, on August 4...
[16:39] Sei
    The fireworks display got
    cancelled due to a typhoon.
[16:42] Sei
    I was sad.
[16:43] Kag
    You end it with that.
[16:44] Kag
    Then, on August 5...
[16:47] Sei
    I still feel bad.
[16:49] Sei
    I really wanted to show them fireworks.
[16:52] Shin
    Ah, I get it.
[16:54] Shin
    You're stretching out one day's
    memories to last over several, right?
[16:59] Sei
    August 6.
[17:00] Sei
    Why did I want to show them fireworks?
[17:04] Sei
    It's a long story, so I'll
    save it for tomorrow.
[17:07] Shin
    You're stretching it out quite a bit, huh?
[17:10] Sei
    August 7.
[17:11] Sei
    To begin with—
[17:13] Sei
    I spilled ink on the page,
    so I'll save it for tomorrow.
[17:15] Shin
    Uh...
[17:16] Shin
    You've diluted it so much,
    it's basically water now.
[17:18] Shin
    Get to the point.
[17:20] Sei
    August 8.
[17:21] Sei
    It's not that interesting.
[17:23] Sei
    Do you really want to know?
[17:25] Sei
    What should I do...
[17:26] Shin
    Knock it off already.
[17:27] Shin
    Who are you even talking to?
[17:30] Sei
    If you want to know, go to August 9.
[17:32] Sei
    If you don't, go to August 10.
[17:34] Shin
    Why is there a branching point?!
[17:36] Shin
    What kind of diary is this?!
[17:39] Sei
    August 9.
[17:41] Sei
    Since you chose August 9,
[17:43] Sei
    you have a tendency to inquire
    into others' circumstances.
[17:46] Sei
    You're suited to being a detective.
[17:47] Sei
    If you learn to take a hint,
    you might make more friends.
[17:51] Sei
    Lucky item: Diary.
[17:53] Shin
    Why'd this turn into a book of horoscopes?!
[17:55] Shin
    What about August 10, for the
    people who didn't want to know?
[17:59] Sei
    August 10.
[18:00] Sei
    If you're not interested
    in other people's stories,
[18:02] Sei
    why not set off on an adventure, Hero?
[18:05] Sei
    The legendary castle in the sky,
    or the legendary panties?
[18:08] Sei
    Which will you go in search of?
[18:10] Sei
    For the castle in the sky, go to August 11.
[18:12] Sei
    For panties, go to August 12.
[18:14] Shin
    Now it's a choose-your-own-adventure book!
SIGN    West East
[18:17] Sei
    August 11.
[18:19] Sei
    Now, an adventure that will make
    your heart race is about to begin.
[18:22] Sei
    The path splits off into east and west.
[18:25] Sei
    Which will you choose?
[18:26] Sei
    If east, read One Piece.
[18:29] Sei
    If west, read Naruto.
[18:31] Shin
    Don't pawn everything off to other manga!
[18:33] Sei
    What is this?
[18:34] Sei
    It's not a diary at all anymore!
[18:36] Sei
    What happened to the fireworks story?!
[18:39] Kag
    Reading One Piece and Naruto will
    pretty much wrap everything up.
[18:42] Shin
    As if!
[18:43] Shin
    Who the hell goes through
    such grand summer breaks?
[18:46] Sei
    Forget it.
[18:48] Sei
    That wasn't the end of the story, anyway.
[18:51] Shin
    What? There's more?
[18:54] Sei
    I heard that the Bon Dancing festival
    on August 17 would have fireworks, too,
[18:58] Sei
    so I thought I'd show Mom and Tsukuyo-nee
    fireworks this time for sure.
[19:02] Sei
    But Izumi-chan and the others
    also invited me to go with them.
[19:05] Sei
    Mom and Tsukuyo-nee
[19:06] Sei
    misunderstood and said they didn't want to
    be so boorish as to get in the way of a date.
[19:10] Sei
    Before long, we started arguing,
    and that led to a fight,
[19:14] Sei
    so I went to a certain someone for advice.
SIGN    August 13 "Come back with half a year's allowance. We'll talk then," he said, and shooed me away that day.
[19:17] Sei
    August 13.
[19:19] Sei
    "Come back with half a year's allowance.
[19:22] Sei
    We'll talk then,"
[19:24] Sei
    he said and shooed me away that day.
[19:26] Kag
    What is this shaggy monster?
[19:29] Shin
    What kind of guy extorts money from a kid?
SIGN    August 14 When I took my allowance to him, he said, "You came at the perfect time. Exchange that money for tokens and bring 'em here," and shooed me away that day.
[19:33] Sei
    August 14.
[19:35] Sei
    When I took my allowance to him, he said,
[19:36] Sei
    "You came at the perfect time.
[19:38] Sei
    Exchange that money for
    balls and bring 'em here,"
[19:40] Sei
    and shooed me away that day.
[19:42] Kag
    This guy's the worst! He's playing pachinko!
[19:45] Shin
    He extorts money from a
    kid and gambles with it?
[19:47] Shin
    What a piece of trash.
SIGN    August 15 "You're a pest. I just have to take them to the Bon Dancing festival in your place, right? Even you need money for your date, right? Leave it to me. You just go buy some betting tickets."
[19:49] Sei
    August 15.
[19:51] Gin
    "You're a pest. I just have to take them to
    the Bon Dancing festival in your place, right?
[19:55] Gin
    Even you need money for your date, right?
[19:57] Gin
    Leave it to me.
[19:58] Gin
    You just go buy some betting tickets."
[20:00] Kag
    Hey! Now he's betting on the horses!
[20:02] Kag
    Just how pathetic is he?!
[20:04] Shin
    Are you sure you should've asked
    scum like that for help, Seita-kun?
SIGN    August 16 "It's tomorrow, right? I know. That aside, have you ever heard of Russian Roulette?"
[20:08] Sei
    August 16.
[20:10] Sei
    "It's tomorrow, right? I know.
[20:12] Sei
    That aside, you ever heard
    of Russian Roulette?"
[20:15] Kag
    He even made him bet on Russian Roulette!
[20:18] Kag
    Just how low is he gonna go?!
[20:20] Shin
    Are you okay?!
[20:21] Shin
    Is everything really okay, Seita-kun?!
SIGN    August 17 to 25 Today... I spent all day staring at clouds.
[20:23] Sei
    August 17 to 25.
[20:26] Sei
    Today...
[20:29] Sei
    I spent all day staring at clouds.
[20:30] Shin
    He sucked him dry!
[20:31] Shin
    More than a week flew by!
[20:34] Sei
    Ultimately, the Bon Dance ended
    while we were chasing after Laputa.
[20:39] Sei
    In the end, my summer break
[20:42] Sei
    was an empty, nothing summer.
[20:45] Shin
    That's not true, Seita-kun.
[20:48] Shin
    Summer break isn't over yet.
[20:51] Shin
    After all, your diary still
[20:54] Shin
    has today's blank page left.
[20:58] Sei
    B-But all I've done today is homework...
[21:02] Kag
    It's all up to you.
[21:05] Sei
    August 26.
SIGN    August 26 Today is the last day of summer break. What should I do?
[21:07] Sei
    Today is the last day of summer break.
[21:09] Sei
    What should I do?
SIGN    If you want to spend it doing homework, go to August 27. If you want to light fireworks with everyone, go to the next page.
[21:12] Sei
    If you want to spend it doing
    homework, go to August 27.
[21:16] Sei
    If you want to light fireworks with everyone...
[21:19] Kag
    Which will you choose, Seita?
[21:24] Sei
    Where will we find fireworks, though?
[21:27] Kag
    Just hurry up and go get Tsukki and your mom.
[21:32] Shin
    No need to worry.
[21:34] Kag
    We've got fireworks right here.
[21:39] Kag
    Right, Shaggy?
[21:41] Shin
    You want to go to the
    castle in the sky, right?
[21:46] Gin
    W-Wait just a sec!
[21:47] Gin
    You guys figured it out?
[21:48] Gin
    You figured—
[21:50] Both
    Tamaya!
[21:55] Sei
    August 26.
[21:57] Sei
    Today, I set off fireworks with everyone.
[22:01] Sei
    They were dirty fireworks, but it was fun.
SIGN    Picture Diary
SIGN    Seita
SIGN    Preview
SIGN    He's the Sweet Tooth,
    and I'm the Mayo Guy
SIGN    Huh? Wait, what?
SIGN    A traffic accident? For real?
SIGN    How dangerous.
SIGN    We should be careful.

E287 - I'm the Mayo Guy, and He's the Sweet Tooth

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:03] Kag
    You curly bastard.
[00:05] Kag
    What do you mean, you lost
    all our money at the races?
[00:08] Gin
    Y-You've got it all wrong!
[00:10] Gin
    I didn't expect Justaway to show up there—
[00:12] Kag
    What about our pay?!
[00:12] Shin
    What about our pay?!
[00:15] Kag
    Hold it!
[00:16] Shin
    Freeze!
[00:21] Hij
    You're chilling out with a cup of tea
    and watching L4YOU during a stakeout?
[00:25] Hij
    Just what part of your body
    are you trying to keep awake?
[00:28] Ymz
    Y-You've got it all wrong, Vice Chief!
[00:30] Ymz
    Today's report is seriously amazing!
[00:32] Ymz
    They're featuring four foods that
    can change your intestinal health—
[00:35] Hij
    Atone for your lack of discipline
    by committing suicide!
[00:39] Hij
    Hold it right there!
[00:43] Shin
    Quit running!
[00:54] Hij
    Damn, where'd he go?!
[01:01] Gin
    Move it! You're in my way!
[01:03] Hij
    You move it! I'm on duty here!
[01:05] Hij
    Want me to cut you down?!
[01:05] Gin
    Just move already!
SIGN    Lake Toya
SIGN    Oedo Hospital
[02:56] D1
    I don't see anything...
[02:58] D2
    ...wrong with you.
[03:00] D1
    We performed a full-body checkup,
SIGN    Oedo Hospital's Request: Please watch this program
    in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV.
[03:04] D1
    but there was nothing out of the ordinary.
[03:06] D1
    It's a miracle.
[03:08] D2
    However, you may have hit your head,
    causing temporary memory loss...
[03:15] D1
    ...so let me check, just in case.
[03:17] D1
    Please state your...
[03:17] D2
    ...name and occupation, please.
[03:21] Hij
    Sakata Gintoki. I run an Odd Jobs business.
[03:26] Gin
    Hijikata Toshiro. Vice
    chief of the Shinsengumi.
[03:33] D1
    Oh, right.
[03:35] D1
    Looks like we mixed up your file with
    the other patient in the same accident.
[03:39] D2
    I'm extremely sorry.
[03:40] D2
    It was a mistake on our end.
[03:42] D2
    Yeah, you seem to be perfectly fine.
[03:47] D1
    Well, let's see how things go.
[03:49] D2
    Take care.
[03:55] Gin
    What a waste of time. Curse that moron.
[03:59] Hij
    Man, my head is killing me.
[04:02] Hij
    Am I really gonna be okay?
SIGN    Set Meals
[04:08] W
    Welcome!
[04:10] Hij
    The usual, lady.
[04:12] W
    Sure thing.
[04:14] W
    One Hijikata Special!
[04:20] Hij
    Hey, lady.
[04:21] Hij
    Who ordered this dog food?
[04:24] W
    Huh? But you said the usual...
[04:26] Hij
    By "usual," I obviously meant
    the Uji Gintoki bowl!
[04:29] Hij
    You know, with a big helping of
    sweet azuki beans on steamed rice.
[04:33] Gin
    By any chance...
[04:35] Gin
    Do you mean this cat food here?
[04:37] Hij
    That's right.
[04:39] Hij
    Is this dog food yours, by any chance?
[04:42] Hij
    Come on, lady. Gimme a break.
[04:45] W
    Oh, I'm so sorry.
[04:47] W
    I see it's the other way around today,
[04:49] W
    Hijikata-san,
[04:50] W
    Gin-san.
[04:51] W
    You switched your orders, huh?
SIGN    Set Meals
[05:00] Bo
    We switched?!
    We switched?!
SIGN    I'm the Mayo Guy,
    and He's the Sweet Tooth
[05:16] Gin
    Hey.
[05:17] Gin
    Give me my cigarettes, for starters.
[05:19] Gin
    They're in the chest pocket.
[05:21] Hij
    You really think the protagonist of an anime
[05:24] Hij
    that airs in the evening is allowed to smoke?
[05:26] Hij
    Have some self-awareness, dumbass.
[05:29] Hij
    That aside, hand over my Ahollo chocolate.
[05:30] Hij
    My sugar's running low.
[05:32] Hij
    It's in the breast pocket.
[05:34] Gin
    If the Shinsengumi vice chief
    were to eat junk like that,
[05:37] Gin
    he'd have to commit suicide
    for lack of discipline.
[05:39] Gin
    So watch it, scumbag.
[05:44] Bo
    Also...
    Also...
[05:45] Hij
    Gimme back my body!
    Gimme back my body!
SIGN    Sakata Gintoki inside
SIGN    Hijikata Toshiro inside
[05:49] Hij
    Should a cop really be trespassing
    in people's bodies?!
[05:53] Gin
    You're the one who snuck into my body!
[05:56] Gin
    I caught you red-handed!
[05:57] Hij
    Let's see you try and arrest me!
    You're nothing but a bum right now!
[06:01] Hij
    You're a powerless piece of
    human waste! Serves you right!
[06:04] Gin
    You're the human waste, you damn thief!
[06:06] Gin
    Cops are just a bunch of incompetents who
    do nothing but gobble up taxpayer money!
[06:10] Gin
    You can't do shit right now!
[06:17] Hij
    Let's stop this.
[06:19] Hij
    I feel like all my punches
    are coming back to bite me.
[06:24] Gin
    Yeah...
[06:32] Gin
    I had a dream.
[06:35] Gin
    Back then,
[06:37] Gin
    after we were hit by the truck,
    I saw our bodies laid out below.
[06:44] Hij
    Wait, are you saying...
[06:47] Gin
    I had a bad feeling.
[06:49] Gin
    Something told me that if I didn't
    get back in my body immediately,
[06:54] Gin
    I'd never be able to get back.
[06:57] Gin
    That's when I noticed this weird fur ball
    come flying towards me from behind.
[07:03] Hij
    Wait, was that me?
[07:04] Hij
    Why did I have fur?!
[07:05] Gin
    I hit that fur ball
[07:08] Gin
    and went in the wrong direction,
[07:10] Gin
    into your body.
[07:13] Gin
    The collision split the fur ball in two.
[07:17] Gin
    One half got sucked into my body,
[07:20] Gin
    and the other into the
    asshole of a cat's corpse.
[07:24] Hij
    What's that supposed to mean?!
[07:26] Hij
    Is the fur ball okay?!
[07:29] Gin
    Long story short,
[07:31] Gin
    while our bodies miraculously
    survived being hit by a dump truck,
[07:35] Gin
    our egos popped out and switched bodies.
[07:41] Gin
    Or, well, that's the dream I had.
[07:44] Hij
    Oh, a dream, huh?
[07:47] Hij
    Then if we wake up, this
    nightmare will end, right?
[07:50] Gin
    Wait!
[07:51] Hij
    Shut it!
[07:51] Hij
    The only way to get back to our own bodies
[07:53] Hij
    is to have another near-death experience and
[07:55] Hij
    cough up our egos on the asphalt again!
[07:56] Gin
    Are you stupid?!
[07:57] Gin
    If you drop me from this high up, you'll
    no longer have a home to go back to!
[08:02] Gin
    Guess I'll have to turn your home
    into a mince cutlet place, then.
[08:05] Gin
    Calm down!
[08:06] Gin
    Can you guarantee our egos will come out if
    we have another near-death experience?!
[08:09] Gin
    You might die for real this time, you know!
[08:12] Gin
    Until we find a surefire method to go
    back to normal, don't do anything stupid!
[08:16] Hij
    Does a surefire method even exist?
[08:20] Gin
    Beats me.
[08:21] Gin
    But nobody will believe such
    a ridiculous story, either.
[08:25] Gin
    We'll have to look for it ourselves.
[08:27] Hij
    You've gotta be kidding me!
[08:28] Hij
    What am I supposed to do in this
    nicotine-addled body until then?
[08:32] Gin
    Live with it. We don't have a choice.
[08:36] Gin
    I'll live as Sakata Gintoki of Odd Jobs,
[08:40] Gin
    and you live as the Shinsengumi
    vice chief, Hijikata Toshiro.
[08:45] Hij
    Screw you! How—
[08:47] Bo
    Found you.
    Found you.
[08:52] Kag
    Just how far do you plan on running?!
[08:54] Kag
    You'll pay us our wages
    today, once and for all!
[08:57] Gin
    H-Hang on!
[08:58] Gin
    What do you mean, wages?
[09:00] Gin
    Hey! What are they talking about?!
[09:03] Hij
    Good grief. You're not paying them on time?
[09:05] Hij
    Are there no depths to which you won't stoop?
[09:09] Hij
    While you're at it, brats, wring his
    overdue rent out of him, as well.
[09:13] Hij
    Any shady businesses that make their
    employees suffer will have me,
[09:16] Hij
    Shinsengumi vice chief Hijikata
    Toshiro, to answer to.
[09:19] Gin
    What are you suddenly acting
    like Hijikata-san for?!
[09:22] Gin
    You're the shady businessman here!
[09:24] Gin
    Time out! Your quack boss is over there!
[09:30] Hij
    Talk about a close shave!
[09:32] Hij
    I never thought I'd be saved by this body!
[09:35] Hij
    Like he said,
[09:37] Hij
    maybe we should stay this way for a while—
[09:48] Oki
    Sorry about that, Hijikata-san.
[09:51] Oki
    I saw you sneaking into this building,
[09:55] Oki
    so I charged in, thinking that
    maybe you'd found some Joi Rebels.
[10:00] Oki
    I'm sorry, really.
[10:02] Oki
    But usually, you would've evaded that.
[10:06] Oki
    Not on your game today, huh?
[10:10] Hij
    Th-That's right!
[10:15] Hij
    Whether I'm there or here,
[10:17] Hij
    it's all the same!
SIGN    Special Police
    Shinsengumi
[10:35] G
    Hijikata-san's still not here.
[10:37] G
    He's already twenty minutes late.
[10:39] G
    Isn't this bad?
[10:41] G
    The Shinsengumi Code says,
[10:42] G
    "No matter what the reason, anybody
    who's late to the morning assembly
[10:45] G
    must commit suicide due to lack of discipline."
[10:47] G
    That rule was created by none
    other than the vice chief himself.
[10:53] Kon
    Hey, Tetsu.
[10:55] Kon
    Go check on Toshi.
[10:56] Tet
    R-Right away!
[10:59] Shin
    Good morning!
[11:03] Shin
    As if those guys would ever be up this early.
[11:09] Tet
    This is bad, Vice Chief!
[11:10] Tet
    The morning assembly's already—
[11:12] Shin
    Gin-san, are you up—
[11:19] Hij
    You bastard...
[11:21] Gin
    What time do you think it is?
[11:24] Hij
    It's only 8:30. It's still sleepy time, damn it!
[11:28] Gin
    It's already 8:35:54.
[11:31] Gin
    The battle's already started, damn it!
[11:34] Gin
    Disembowel yourself.
[11:35] Gin
    Atone for your lack of discipline
    by committing suicide!
[11:39] Hij
    Dismissed.
[11:40] Hij
    Time to go back to sleep.
[11:55] Hij
    I was hoping everything would be
    back to normal when I woke up,
[11:58] Hij
    but of course that didn't happen.
[12:01] Gin
    This is the worst.
[12:02] Gin
    Why do I have to look at this vulgar
    face first thing in the morning?
[12:06] Hij
    What's with this hairdo?
[12:08] Hij
    I keep trying to set it, but the bangs
    keep reverting to being V-shaped.
[12:11] Hij
    How annoying. This guy's definitely
    gonna be a V-shaped baldy.
[12:15] Gin
    This face is too slack.
[12:17] Gin
    Damn!
[12:18] Gin
    When I relax the muscles, the gap
    between my eye and brow grows.
[12:22] Gin
    His weak spirit has seeped all
    the way to the roots of his hair.
[12:27] Gin
    He'll have to be washed anew,
    all the way to the pores of his skin.
[12:33] Hij
    Forget it. This is a pain.
[12:38] Hij
    I'm just gonna do things my way.
[12:45] Kon
    Hey, Sogo.
[12:46] Kon
    Think he ate something bad?
[12:49] Oki
    Well, he's been eating something
    bad for his brain cells every day.
[12:53] Kon
    I can't believe he'd break
    the Shinsengumi Code.
[12:56] Kon
    He managed to fool the men, but
    something's definitely off about him.
[13:00] Oki
    He probably just overslept.
[13:02] Kon
    Still, has he always had
    such a slack-looking face?
[13:07] Ymz
    Oh, Vice Chief!
[13:10] Ymz
    Good morning!
[13:11] All
    Good morning!
[13:13] Hij
    Ow, my ears. Quit being so
    loud early in the morning.
[13:17] Hij
    What are you guys, voice-acting students
    at the Sasaki Animation Academy?
[13:19] Ymz
    Squads five through seven are ready!
[13:23] Hij
    Ready for what? Radio calisthenics?
[13:25] Hij
    Sorry, but I don't have a stamp.
[13:27] Ymz
    No, not that.
[13:30] Ymz
    Ready to sortie.
[13:31] Ymz
    We're on patrol duty today,
[13:34] Ymz
    so please give us the usual, Hijikata-san.
[13:36] Hij
    What do you mean, the usual?
[13:38] Hij
    Today's Hijikata-san is a
    bit different than usual.
[13:41] Hij
    Spell it out.
[13:42] Ymz
    I mean, recite the Shinsengumi Code
    to keep the men on their toes.
[13:46] Hij
    Oh, right.
[13:48] Hij
    You louts!
[13:49] Hij
    You haven't forgotten the
    Shinsengumi's ironclad rules, right?
[13:53] Hij
    Article 1 of the code!
[13:55] Hij
    Er, huh?
[13:59] Hij
    "Anybody who criticizes someone who's
    forgotten the Shinsengumi Code must
[14:02] Hij
    commit suicide due to lack of discipline!"
[14:03] Kon
    You're the one who forgot it!
[14:06] Ymz
    Excuse me, Vice Chief...
[14:07] Ymz
    I'm not sure Article 1 goes like that.
[14:10] Hij
    Okay, you commit suicide.
[14:11] Ymz
    W-Wait a second, Vice Chief!
    I've never even heard of such a code!
[14:15] Hij
    Oh, sorry. It was Article 434.
[14:18] Ymz
    We don't have 434 articles in our code!
[14:20] Hij
    Article 1: "Anybody who says
    we don't have 434 articles
[14:23] Hij
    must commit suicide."
[14:24] Ymz
    Why are you touching on
    Article 434 in the very first one?!
[14:28] Hij
    Shut up. The Shinsengumi
    Code changed yesterday.
[14:31] Ymz
    First I've heard of that.
[14:33] Ymz
    What's that all about?
[14:34] Hij
    Shinsengumi Code, Article 2:
[14:36] Hij
    "Anybody who sweats the small
    stuff must commit suicide!"
[14:40] Kon
    He shut them up!
[14:41] Kon
    He shot them down with a contrived move!
[14:45] Hij
    How long will this
[14:46] Hij
    Hijikata-san of yours have to hold
    your hands until you're satisfied?
[14:50] Hij
    The Shinsengumi Code?
    How am I supposed to kno—
[14:53] Hij
    I shouldn't have to recite it.
    It should be ingrained in your bodies.
[14:56] Hij
    The ironclad rules to keep
    you acting like proper samurai?
[14:59] Hij
    If you've got the time to
    ask others for such crap,
[15:01] Hij
    look within your hearts.
[15:04] Hij
    Why don't you guys find
    your own code and follow that?
[15:08] Hij
    Quit bothering Hijikata-san
    for every little thing.
[15:11] Ymz
    Vice Chief...
[15:12] Ymz
    Y-You mean you're abolishing
    the Shinsengumi Code?
[15:16] Hij
    Take it as you will.
[15:18] Hij
    For the time being, I'm going to
    follow my own Shinsengumi Code,
[15:23] Hij
    and go back to sleep a third time.
[15:25] Kon
    W-Wait, Toshi!
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
SIGN    Odd Jobs Code 1: Anybody who's late must commit suicide. 2: Anybody who doesn't pay rent on time must commit suicide. 3: Anybody who doesn't pay salaries on time must commit suicide.
[15:32] Shin
    Uh, Gin-san...
[15:34] Shin
    What is this, exactly?
[15:38] Gin
    The Odd Jobs Code.
[15:40] Gin
    Ironclad rules to whip
    you slackers into shape.
[15:43] Gin
    The next time you violate them, you'll
    have to commit suicide on the spot.
SIGN    4: Anybody who hogs payment money and gambles with it must commit suicide. 5: Actually, anybody with naturally curly hair must commit suicide. 6: Anybody who has stinky feet must commit suicide.
[15:47] Kag
    But this is pretty much
    all about you, Gin-chan.
[15:49] Gin
    Who are you calling Gin-chan?
    That's President to you.
[15:53] Gin
    The person I was until yesterday
[15:54] Gin
    got sucked into a cat's asshole and died.
[15:57] Gin
    Don't think you can lead a depraved
    lifestyle anymore, you brats.
[16:01] Kag
    Uh, you were the most depraved one here.
[16:04] Gin
    Anyway, as much as I hate to do this,
SIGN    Salary Salary
[16:06] Gin
    I'll give you these.
[16:08] Gin
    It's your overdue pay.
[16:13] Gin
    If you perform well,
[16:14] Gin
    I'll even give you a bonus.
[16:17] Gin
    Also...
SIGN    Rent
[16:18] Gin
    Where do I pay rent?
[16:21] Kag
    You monster!
[16:25] Kag
    Where'd you get this money?!
[16:27] Kag
    The bank? The convenience store?
[16:28] Kag
    The human trust?!
[16:29] Kag
    I don't remember raising you to be
    a monster that pays salaries!
[16:34] Shin
    We've got trouble, Otose-san!
[16:35] Shin
    Gin-san...
[16:36] Shin
    Gin-san says he wants to
    pay our salaries and rent!
[16:38] Oto
    Say what?!
[16:43] Oto
    Hurry up and inform everyone in town!
[16:45] Oto
    A meteorite's going to fall on us!
[16:47] Gin
    I seriously want out of this body right now!
[16:50] Gin
    See? It's definitely my passbook.
[16:53] Gin
    Open your eyes wide and take a good look.
[16:55] Kag
    Very well!
[16:56] Shin
    Your wish is our command, President.
[16:58] Gin
    Talk about a sudden change!
[17:00] Gin
    The next time you doubt me,
    you guys will have to commit suicide!
[17:02] Bo
    Yes, sir!
[17:03] Gin
    Listen up. If we want to
    make business flourish,
[17:05] Gin
    our organization has to stop
    being disjointed and act as one.
[17:08] Gin
    And that is why we have the Odd Jobs Code.
[17:11] Gin
    Individuals need the resolve to harshly
    discipline themselves for the group's sake.
[17:14] Gin
    Then, and only then, will
    an organization be united
[17:17] Gin
    and become capable of displaying
    its full capabilities.
[17:20] Gin
    To that end, we'll first...
[17:29] Gin
    How are things going over there?
[17:32] Hij
    Not making any progress at all.
[17:34] Hij
    I'm making my men ask around all over town,
[17:37] Hij
    but nobody's ever heard of
    egos switching bodies before.
SIGN    Shinsengumi
[17:45] Kon
    What are you doing, Toshi?!
[17:46] Kon
    Let's go have a bloodbath
    with the Joi Rebels already!
[17:49] Hij
    Oh, Gorilla.
[17:51] Hij
    I'll be right there.
[17:52] Hij
    And how are things on your end?
[17:54] Gin
    I made my men look into it as well,
[17:56] Gin
    but ended up with similar results.
[18:00] Shin
    What do you fiends think
    you're doing in public?
[18:03] Shin
    As the captain of Odd Jobs Squad Two,
[18:05] Shin
    I, Shimura Shinpachi, shall
    adhere to the Odd Jobs Code
SIGN    Slay
[18:09] Shin
    and slay evil immediately.
SIGN    Evil
SIGN    Immediately
[18:12] Gin
    Hold up, four-eyes. Let them go.
[18:15] Gin
    They're not bad guys.
[18:18] Hij
    I see.
[18:19] Hij
    Neither of us made any progress, huh?
[18:23] Bo
    Like hell!
[18:25] Gin
    What is that? Some kind of band of bandits?!
[18:27] Gin
    They don't look like the long
    arm of the law at all!
[18:29] Gin
    More like the crooks that get caught by it!
[18:31] Hij
    And what are you doing,
    bringing ripoffs into my house?!
[18:34] Hij
    What does he mean, "slay evil immediately"?
[18:36] Hij
    Stop him now! Stop him
    before he uses the Gatotsu!
[18:39] Gin
    Are you stupid?!
[18:39] Gin
    I instilled some order in your
    unruly mob! Be grateful!
[18:43] Hij
    You should be grateful to
    the vice chief who gave your
[18:45] Hij
    organization its freedom back!
[18:46] Oki
    That's enough.
[18:49] Oki
    Lay one finger on Toshi-san,
    and I'll make you pay, boss.
[18:52] Gin
    Why the hell are you on his side?!
[18:54] Kag
    Right back at you.
[18:57] Kag
    If your sword moves even a little,
[19:00] Kag
    I'll slay Toshi immediately.
[19:01] Hij
    Hey! Don't use the Gatotsu!
[19:04] Hij
    Don't use the Zero Stance!
[19:05] Oki
    Interesting.
[19:06] Oki
    Why don't we see which is faster,
    your Gatotsu Ogino Stance,
[19:09] Oki
    or my Nine-Headed Dragon Trash?
[19:11] Kag
    I couldn't ask for more.
[19:12] Hij
    Nobody asked for this!
    You're just asking for a beating!
[19:15] Gin
    Wait! Wait! Stop!
SIGN    Eight One Two
    Seven Nine Three
    Six Five Four
[19:17] Hij
    Calm down!
SIGN    Slay
SIGN    Evil
SIGN    Immediately
[19:28] T
    ...sama.
[19:29] T
    ...oki-sama.
[19:31] T
    Hang in there, Gintoki-sama.
[19:36] Hij
    Oh, it's you, Tama.
[19:38] Hij
    Feels like it's been ages since
    anyone called me that...
[19:41] ---
    Hey...
[19:42] Hij
    Tama! How'd you know?!
[19:45] T
    Rest assured.
[19:47] T
    Your bodies can go back to normal.
SIGN    Doll House
[19:54] Gen
    So this is Ginnoji,
[19:56] Gen
    and that's the demonic vice chief, huh?
[19:59] Gen
    Guess I was right to have Tama look for you
    guys after I heard about the accident.
[20:06] Gen
    Listen well.
[20:07] Gen
    The truck that ran you over
[20:11] Gen
    was transporting a certain machine
    that was developed in secret.
[20:15] Gen
    A terrifying machine that could affect
    humanity and even universal causation!
[20:22] Gin
    Wh-What are you talking about?
[20:24] Hij
    Just what happened to us?
[20:26] Gen
    This is just a guess,
[20:28] Gen
    but the machine must have
    malfunctioned due to the impact,
[20:32] Gen
    resulting in the tragedy that befell you two.
[20:35] Gen
    That's right.
SIGN    Fully Automatic Egg-on-Rice Maker
[20:39] Gen
    It was caused by this Fully Automatic
    Egg-on-Rice Maker!
[20:42] Hij
    It's nothing but junk!
[20:44] Hij
    What the hell is a Fully Automatic
    Egg-on-Rice Maker?!
[20:48] Gen
    Those with a discerning eye can tell.
[20:49] Gen
    It's the pinnacle of science, the result of
    my years of research, realized at last!
[20:54] Hij
    Wait, you built it?!
[20:56] Gen
    If you put an egg in this
    transfer device here,
[20:59] Gen
    it'll separate the yolk from
    the white and extract it.
[21:04] Gen
    And if you put soy sauce in
    the other transfer device,
[21:07] Gen
    it'll extract just the perfect amount.
[21:11] Gen
    And by warping those onto the
    steamed rice in the center,
[21:17] Gen
    it can help anybody make the
    perfect egg-on-rice easily!
[21:21] Gen
    It's the machine of dreams!
[21:22] Hij
    That wasn't easy at all!
[21:23] Hij
    Just how contrived a contraption
    did you build to make egg-on-rice?!
[21:27] Gin
    What kind of malfunction would it take
[21:28] Gin
    for this egg-on-rice maker
    to switch people's egos?!
[21:32] Gen
    That's elementary.
[21:34] Gen
    After the accident, the transfer devices
    fell out of the truck and malfunctioned,
[21:38] Gen
    extracting your egos instead of yolks,
[21:44] Gen
    and instead of putting them on steamed rice,
[21:46] Gen
    put them in each other's smashed bodies.
[21:49] Gen
    It made, not egg-on-rice,
SIGN    Egg-on-Rice
SIGN    Ego-in-the-Wrong-Device
[21:53] Gen
    but ego-in-the-wrong-device.
[21:58] Bo
    That wasn't funny, you shitty geezer!
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Preview
[23:35] Hij
    All right, here's the next episode preview.
[23:37] Gin
    Hold it! You're me right now,
    so shouldn't I be doing this instead?
[23:40] Hij
    I may be you right now,
    but it's still me on the inside,
[23:43] Hij
    so it's fine if I do it, you damn curly.
[23:44] Gin
    You're the damn curly!
SIGN    I'm a Failure as a Leader,
    and He's Also a Failure as a Leader
[23:46] Gin
    Wait, I am? Huh?
[23:46] Hij
    Damn, the title went up already!
[23:48] Hij
    N-Next episode: "I'm a Failure as a Leader—"
SIGN    Since their switched egos have made a mess of the preview,
SIGN    we will handle it instead.
SIGN    Next episode: "I'm a Failure as a Leader,
SIGN    and He's Also a Failure as a Leader."

E288 - I'm a Failure as a Leader, and He's Also a Failure as a Leader

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] Gen
    Immediately after the accident,
[00:02] Gen
    the Fully Automatic Egg-on-Rice
    Maker malfunctioned,
[00:05] Gen
    extracting your egos instead of the yolks,
[00:09] Gen
    and instead of putting them on steamed rice,
[00:12] Gen
    put them in each other's smashed bodies.
[00:16] Gen
    It made, not egg-on-rice,
SIGN    Egg-on-Rice
SIGN    Ego-in-the-Wrong-Device
[00:19] Gen
    but ego-in-the-wrong-device.
[00:24] Hij
    That wasn't funny, you shitty geezer!
[00:26] Gin
    Give them back! Give our bodies back!
[00:29] Ta
    You two needn't worry.
[00:31] Ta
    Now that it's been repaired,
[00:32] Ta
    if we use this Fully Automatic
    Egg-on-Rice Maker V4 once again,
[00:36] Ta
    you'll go back to normal.
[00:38] Gen
    Precisely!
[00:40] Gen
    This time, for sure, it will
    make the perfect egg-on-rice.
[00:44] Gin
    Forget about egg-on-rice already!
[00:47] Gen
    Basically, we just need to
    extract your egos again
[00:51] Gen
    and warp them, right?
[00:52] Hij
    Hey! Is this gonna work?
    Is this really gonna work?!
[00:56] Tam
    Gengai-sama, we're all set.
[00:59] Gen
    All right. Here we go.
[01:01] Gen
    Brace yourselves!
SIGN    I'm a Failure as a Leader,
    and He's Also a Failure as a Leader
SIGN    When using the Fully Automatic Egg-on-Rice Maker,
    please do so in a bright room and watch from a safe distance.
[02:55] Gen
    How's it look?
[02:56] Ta
    Confirmed warp readings
    from both transfer devices.
[03:00] Gen
    So it worked, huh?
[03:03] Ta
    Gintoki-sama, Hijikata-san, we did it.
[03:06] Ta
    The egos extracted from you
    came together to create this.
[03:10] Ta
    It's neither cat food nor dog food.
[03:14] Ta
    It's trash.
[03:15] Bo
    Are you kidding me?!
[03:18] Gin
    All you did was warp red
    bean paste and mayonnaise!
[03:20] Hij
    Who asked you to put our egos
    on top of steamed rice?!
[03:24] Ta
    You could say it's ego-on-rice.
SIGN    Ego-on-Rice
[03:28] Gin
    That's not funny, damn it!
    And nothing's changed!
[03:31] Gen
    Huh? That's weird.
[03:33] Gen
    Why don't we give it another shot?
[03:36] Hij
    I'm counting on you guys.
[03:38] Hij
    Don't extract what's in our stomachs. Extract us!
[03:47] Ta
    Good. It worked this time.
[03:50] Ta
    Freshly extracted from you two,
[03:54] Ta
    it's gnads-on-rice.
[03:55] Hij
    What part of us are you even extracting from?!
[03:57] Hij
    What have you done?!
[03:59] Hij
    My manhood!
[04:00] Gin
    Which ones are mine?
[04:02] Gin
    This one? Is it this one?
[04:04] Hij
    Wait, that's mine!
[04:06] Gin
    Nah. You're me right now,
    so yours are not mine!
[04:10] Gin
    Huh? Now I'm confused.
[04:13] Hij
    How are you going to fix this?
[04:14] Hij
    It's become some kind of
    super-complicated puzzle!
[04:17] Gen
    Don't worry.
[04:18] Gen
    One more try, and everything
    will go back to normal.
[04:21] Gin
    It'd better!
[04:23] Gin
    Take them from the right place this time.
[04:25] Gin
    And you'd better put them
    back in the right place!
[04:30] Ta
    It worked this time.
[04:34] Ta
    It's genuine trash.
[04:35] Hij
    Why would you put them in that?!
[04:37] Gen
    What's the meaning of this?
[04:39] Gen
    Why won't it work?
[04:41] Ta
    Gengai-sama.
[04:43] Ta
    Transfer device A is showing an error.
[04:46] Ta
    There was a critical deficiency in the target.
[04:48] Ta
    Apparently that's why the extraction failed.
[04:51] Gen
    Ginnoji,
[04:52] Gen
    it looks like you're missing something.
[04:55] Hij
    What are you talking about?
[04:56] Ta
    Please calm down.
[04:58] Ta
    For now,
[04:59] Ta
    hold this Buferin and give it another shot.
[05:02] Hij
    Was it kindness?
[05:03] Hij
    Was I missing half my kindness?
[05:05] Gin
    Are you stupid?
[05:06] Gin
    As if that'd be enough to fix it.
[05:09] Gin
    Take another ten with you.
[05:10] Hij
    Wouldn't it be faster to just
    transfer the Buferin instead?
[05:12] Gen
    If we don't figure it out,
    the device won't function.
[05:16] Gen
    Do you seriously not have any idea at all?
[05:18] Gen
    Did anything happen to you
    at the time of the accident?
[05:22] Hij
    At the time of the accident?
[05:35] Hij
    The cat's asshole!
[05:38] Gin
    Hey, wait!
[05:39] Gin
    What do you mean?
[05:40] Hij
    Basically,
[05:42] Hij
    the fragment of the fur ball that got
    sucked into the cat's asshole back then
[05:46] Hij
    was one half of my ego!
[05:48] Hij
    Unless I get it back and return to my
    whole self, we can't use that device!
[05:55] Gin
    You've gotta be kidding me.
[05:56] Gin
    That corpse must've been cleaned up long ago!
[06:00] Hij
    No, that's not it.
[06:04] Hij
    What if my soul made that
    corpse come back to life?
[06:12] Gin
    You look over there!
[06:13] Gin
    I'll check this way!
[06:15] Hij
    This has turned into a complete mess!
[06:17] Kat
    Well, well.
[06:19] Kat
    What a place for an unexpected
    run-in with a celebrity.
[06:23] Kat
    If it isn't the Shinsengumi's
    demonic vice chief,
[06:25] Kat
    Hijikata Toshiro-dono.
[06:29] Gin
    Zura!
[06:30] Gin
    This really sucks! I ran into the last*
    person I wanted to meet in this form!
[06:35] Kat
    It's a bit careless to patrol all
    by yourself, don't you think?
[06:40] Kat
    I mean, this area is a Joi Rebel hangout.
[06:42] Kat
    There must be lots of people here
    who'd love to take your head.
[06:46] Hij
    Huh? Sorry, but I don't have
    time for you guys right now.
[06:49] Hij
    Step aside. I'll let you go this time, Zu—
[06:53] Hij
    Katsura.
[06:55] Kat
    What have we here?
[06:56] Kat
    Is the Shinsengumi vice chief
[06:58] Kat
    really going to ignore the
    presence of so many enemies?
[07:02] Kat
    Please don't disappoint me.
[07:05] Kat
    You're a policeman. Maintaining Edo's order
[07:09] Kat
    is your duty, is it not?
[07:11] Hij
    Wait, Zura—
[07:19] Kat
    Sheesh. Which one of us is
    actually defending Edo here?
[07:24] Hij
    Zura?
[07:26] Kat
    I'm not Zura!
[07:28] Kat
    I'm the captain of Odd Jobs Squad Three,
SIGN    Captain of Odd Jobs Squad Three
    Katsura Kotaro
[07:31] Kat
    Katsura Kotaro!
[07:34] Kat
    Joi Rebels, who disturb Edo's peace,
SIGN    Slay
[07:38] Kat
    are evils that must be slain immediately.
SIGN    Evil
SIGN    Immediately
[07:40] Kat
    I shall adhere to the Odd Jobs Code
    and bring judgment down upon them!
[07:45] Gin
    Uh, you're a Joi Rebel yourself!
[07:48] Gin
    Why are you in Odd Jobs now?
[07:50] Gin
    Why are you using the Gatotsu, too?!
[07:52] Kat
    I'm not the man I used to be.
[07:55] Kat
    When Gintoki turned over a new leaf and
    gained the resolve to discipline himself,
[07:59] Kat
    I decided to walk alongside him!
[08:01] Gin
    Uh, the guy next to you is the one you were
    trading Gatotsus with until yesterday!
[08:07] Kat
    Hijikata-dono.
[08:08] Kat
    You had Joi Rebels in front of you,
    and yet you tried to flee.
[08:11] Kat
    How can you call yourself a warrior?
[08:12] Kat
    Prepare yourself!
[08:14] Kat
    You may be a cop,
[08:15] Kat
    but you're no exception to our
    "slay evil immediately" law!
[08:19] Mad
    Hold it, Third Squad Captain.
[08:22] Mad
    This isn't the time to be messing with small fry.
[08:26] Mad
    We received word from one of our informants.
[08:28] Mad
    There's been an incident on Fourth.
[08:30] Mad
    We are to head there immediately.
[08:32] Mad
    They've even got bums who
    look like Zaraki now!
[08:35] Sac
    That intel is fake.
[08:37] Sac
    They say a talking monster cat appeared.
[08:40] Sac
    It's a malicious rumor that
    preys on the human heart.
[08:43] Sac
    I've mobilized the ninja squad already.
[08:45] Sac
    I'm sure they've dealt with it by now.
[08:47] Gin
    Just how big an army has Odd Jobs become?!
[08:50] Kat
    A talking cat? Is it a vengeful ghost?
[08:53] Kat
    I cannot ignore this.
[08:54] Kat
    To adhere to the Odd Jobs Code,
    I must bring judgment down upon it.
[08:57] Kat
    Third Squad, assemble!
[08:59] Kat
    We're moving out, you louts!
[09:01] All
    Slay evil immediately!
[09:07] Hij
    A talking cat?
[09:08] Hij
    Wait just a damn second!
[09:10] Hij
    Don't use the Gatotsu on that!
[09:14] Gin
    This can't be real.
[09:16] Gin
    How am I supposed to look for
    one cat in a huge city like Edo?
[09:20] Gin
    Damn it! If only I could use the
    police's information network...
[09:24] Kon
    You seem to be in quite a hurry.
[09:27] Kon
    Running late for a date?
[09:29] Kon
    Yer friendly neighborhood policemen
[09:32] Kon
    would love to give you a
    ride in our patrol cars
[09:36] Kon
    to a rendezvous in hell!
[09:39] Hij
    Kondo-san!
[09:40] Hij
    This sucks!
[09:42] Hij
    Why'd I have to run into such
    a troublesome bunch now?
[09:45] Gin
    Thanks, but I don't need your help.
[09:48] Gin
    Don't you policemen have your own jobs to do?
[09:51] Gin
    Get back to your duties.
[09:53] Kon
    Oh, but we are doin' our jobs.
[09:55] Kon
    We found a shady vagabond,
    so we're questionin' him, is all.
[09:58] Hij
    You're one to talk, shady
    sleeveless policeman!
[10:01] Gin
    I see your Shinsengumi Code
    has gotten rather lax.
[10:06] Gin
    Normally, you'd all have to commit
    suicide for neglecting your duties.
[10:11] G
    Hear that, Yamazaki?
[10:12] G
    Shinsengumi Code, he says.
[10:14] Ymz
    That's centuries old, bro.
[10:17] Ymz
    It's ancient history!
[10:20] Ymz
    We're now free policemen, and
    nobody can hold us down anymore!
[10:24] Ymz
    We swore to Toshi-san that we'd
    live by nobody's rules but our own!
[10:30] Hij
    Uh, what rules?!
[10:31] Gin
    Those "rules" are just
    whatever's convenient for you!
[10:35] Gin
    Keep listening to that lazy vice chief,
[10:37] Gin
    and you'll end up as good-for-nothings!
[10:39] Kon
    Shut yer mouth!
[10:40] Kon
    Toshi taught us that freedom is priceless!
[10:44] Kon
    He liberated us from our stifling shackles
[10:47] Kon
    and turned us sleeveless!
[10:49] Hij
    That's what you meant by stifling?!
[10:50] Hij
    Only your shoulders have been liberated!
[10:53] Kon
    I ain't gonna whine about you
    insulting our vice chief.
[10:56] Kon
    But you insulted our buddy.
[10:59] Kon
    Yer under arrest on charges
    of buddy defamation!
[11:03] Kon
    And sentenced to being
    dragged around the city
[11:05] Kon
    and then executed!
[11:11] Oki
    Gori-san, this isn't the time
    to be messing with small fry.
[11:15] Oki
    What about that alien thing?
[11:16] Kon
    You mean the tip we got
    about a cat alien on Fourth?
[11:20] Gin
    W-Wait!
[11:21] Gin
    A cat alien?
[11:27] Shin
    You fiends!
[11:28] Shin
    What do you think you're
    doing to our president?
[11:32] Shin
    Cops or not, if you act like
    barbarians and disturb public order,
[11:35] Shin
    we of Odd Jobs shan't let that slide!
[11:37] Gin
    Y-You guys...
[11:39] Kon
    What's this?
[11:40] Kon
    What are children doing here?
[11:43] Kon
    If you wanna pretend to be
    cops, take it elsewhere!
[11:46] Shin
    You're the ones pretending to be cops.
[11:48] Shin
    Because you cannot be relied upon,
[11:49] Shin
    we've had to maintain Edo's
    public order ourselves.
[11:52] Kon
    Bullshit.
[11:53] Kon
    Edo's the land of the free.
[11:55] Kon
    You'd better not keep screwing around
    on our turf, or we'll make you pay.
[11:59] Shin
    If you stand in our way, I'll have
    to adhere to the Odd Jobs Code
[12:02] Shin
    and hit your filthy face
    with a Gatotsu Kumon Stance.
[12:07] Kon
    How about you leave all your
    food and water behind and scram!
[12:11] Shin
    So neither of us is willing to back down.
[12:13] Kon
    Looks like it.
[12:15] Kon
    Which means
[12:17] Kon
    we'll just have to settle it with our swords!
[12:23] Bo
    Hold it!
[12:26] Gin
    All of you...
[12:28] Hij
    ...sheathe your swords.
[12:29] Hij
    I order you as vice chief.
[12:31] Gin
    I order you as president.
[12:33] Gin
    Knock it off already.
[12:35] Gin
    I did tell you to slay evil immediately,
[12:36] Gin
    but are you guys incapable
    of identifying your enemies?
[12:40] Hij
    There's a limit to freedom, you know.
[12:42] Hij
    This is hardly the time to
    be fighting these guys, is it?
[12:45] Hij
    Show a little discipline and use your
    brains for once, you pieces of shit.
[12:49] Hij
    They're looking for the cat, and so are we.
[12:51] Hij
    We're both after the same thing.
[12:53] Hij
    Right, Gin-san?
[12:54] Gin
    In that case, we should put
    our swords away and cooperate.
[12:59] Gin
    Right, Hijikata-san?
[13:00] Kon
    Come on, Toshi.
[13:02] Kon
    What's wrong?
[13:03] Kon
    This ain't like you.
[13:05] Oki
    Things had just gotten interesting.
[13:08] Oki
    Why'd you have to get so
    damn serious all of a sudden?
[13:10] Oki
    Do you want me coming for
    your head again, Toshi-san?
[13:13] Shin
    If I may, President,
[13:16] Shin
    you're the one who advocated
    slaying evil immediately.
[13:18] Kag
    We were just following that.
[13:21] Kag
    Are you going to break the Odd Jobs
    Code that you created yourself?
[13:25] Kon
    Nobody's gonna take our freedom from us!
[13:29] Kon
    Not even you, Vice Chief!
[13:33] Shin
    We swore loyalty not to the president,
[13:35] Shin
    but to the Odd Jobs Code and our salaries!
[13:39] Bo
    Go!
[13:45] Bo
    They're not listening to their leaders at all!
[13:49] Hij
    Shit!
[13:53] Hij
    Take it easy, you guys.
[13:55] Hij
    I'm not telling you to make friends with them.
[13:57] Hij
    Just this once,
[13:58] Hij
    just for now, forget about your positions
    and work together to fulfill a common goal!
[14:02] Kon
    What goal?
[14:03] Hij
    The cat!
[14:05] Kon
    What cat?
[14:05] Hij
    The lost cat! We gotta look for it together!
[14:11] Cat
    Talk about hard times.
[14:13] Cat
    I can't even buy cat food with this.
[14:17] Cat
    Man, I'm starving.
[14:22] Bo
    Oh.
[14:23] Kon
    Looks like this really is no time
    to be fighting among ourselves.
[14:27] Shin
    Yeah. Let's put it off for now.
[14:31] Kon
    Men! Work together to kill that evil monster!
[14:35] Shin
    We must protect Edo from that monstrosity!
[14:37] Shin
    Now is the time to join forces!
[14:41] Bo
    That's not what we meant!
[14:44] Bo
    No! Don't eliminate it!
[14:46] Gin
    What the hell is that, anyway?
[14:48] Gin
    Why did your ego entering a cat's
    body give birth to that monster?
[14:53] Hij
    Wait, calm down!
[14:55] Hij
    Despite how he looks,
    he's actually a nice guy.
[14:57] Hij
    He's the personification of
    Buf*erin, full of kindness—
[15:00] Cat
    Who are you?!
[15:01] Cat
    Don't get in my way!
[15:04] Gin
    What part of him is a "nice guy"?!
[15:06] Gin
    You're screwed if you get beaten
    by your own other half, you know!
[15:09] Kon
    Don't falter!
[15:11] Shin
    Cursed goblin!
[15:12] Shin
    We must slay that evil immediately!
[15:14] Cat
    Do you guys know me, by any chance?
[15:17] Kag
    Eat this, you piece of shit!
[15:19] Cat
    Tell me!
[15:20] Cat
    Who in the world am I?!
[15:23] Cat
    I don't remember anything!
[15:26] Cat
    The only memories I have are of
    battles with lots of bloodshed
[15:29] Cat
    and battles with lots of balls!
[15:31] Hij
    Dear God.
[15:32] Hij
    He's not just my other half.
[15:35] Hij
    He's a big lump of the negative parts of me.
[15:37] Hij
    A sorry combat machine,
[15:39] Hij
    made of nothing but memories of
    blood-stained battles in war and pachinko.
[15:43] Gin
    That's just a lowlife!
[15:45] Gin
    Or, well, it's just you!
[15:46] G
    Your orders, President!
[15:47] Hij
    What are you guys doing?
[15:49] Hij
    Figure something out yourselves!
[15:50] G
    How, exactly?
[15:55] Cat
    I smell new pachinko machines over there.
[15:58] Shin
    Wait!
[15:59] Kon
    Shoot! He ran away!
[16:04] Shin
    Damn it!
[16:05] Shin
    I can't believe we lost to him.
[16:07] Shin
    Why?
[16:08] Kon
    Toshi!
[16:09] Kon
    We did everything as you said, so why?!
[16:14] Hij
    Because we're not your leaders.
[16:18] Gin
    Sorry
[16:20] Gin
    for being such worthless leaders.
[16:27] Gen
    Looks like they weren't the only
    ones not acting like themselves.
[16:31] Gen
    A free-spirited Shinsengumi,
[16:33] Gen
    and a disciplined and orderly Odd Jobs.
[16:35] Gen
    That's all very nice.
[16:37] Gen
    But don't you guys have a style of your own?
[16:41] Gen
    If the makeup of a leader
    can change an organization,
[16:44] Gen
    then the makeup of an organization
    can also change its leader.
[16:48] Gen
    They need your help.
[16:50] Gen
    But as you are right now,
    you won't be of any help at all.
[16:54] Gen
    You still haven't realized?
[16:56] Gen
    I guess that's understandable,
    because it is an unbelievable story.
[17:02] Gen
    Then let me teach you.
[17:04] Gen
    Tama!
[17:07] Gen
    Your leaders, and your true colors...
[17:10] Gen
    Put your bodies on the line
[17:13] Gen
    and go take it all back!
[17:37] Hij
    Where'd that freak go?
[17:39] Gin
    He definitely ran over here.
[17:42] Hij
    You get it, don't you?
[17:43] Gin
    Yeah.
[17:44] Gin
    These are the seeds we sowed.
[17:46] Gin
    We can't get anyone else mixed up in this.
[17:49] Hij
    We're gonna settle things ourselves...
[17:50] Gin
    ...staking all of our pride as leaders on it.
[17:56] Hij
    There he is!
[17:57] Gin
    It's him.
[17:59] Hij
    Oh, no! He went into a civilian home!
[18:01] Gin
    This is bad. If that combat
    machine encounters a civilian...
[18:05] Gin
    We must stop him before things get any worse!
[18:09] Hij
    Huh?
[18:10] Hij
    Wait, isn't this...
[18:12] Gin
    Found him! He's over there!
[18:14] Gin
    Watch out!
[18:15] Gin
    Get away from him—
[18:17] Tae
    Welcome back.
[18:19] Tae
    You were out pretty late tonight.
[18:23] Tae
    Where did you go to play today, Dozaemon-san?
[18:28] Hij
    S-Some—
[18:30] Tae
    Dinner's ready.
[18:31] Hij
    Someone's keeping him as a pet!
[18:33] Hij
    There was a monster that
    domesticated that monster!
[18:36] Gin
    Hey! What's going on here?
[18:38] Gin
    Why is she with that monster?!
[18:41] Hij
    Don't tell me she mistook it for an
    abandoned cat and brought it home?!
[18:43] Gin
    She sees that as a cat?
[18:44] Gin
    She sees a creature that needs
    mosaic censorship as a pet?!
[18:48] Tae
    Dozaemon-san, I'm so relieved
    to see you're healthy again.
[18:52] Gin
    But his eyeball is popped out!
[18:54] Tae
    I was so shocked when I first met you.
[19:00] Tae
    You were lying on the street in a
    pool of your own blood, not moving.
[19:03] Cat
    Oh, this isn't blood.
[19:06] Cat
    It's just how my coat looks.
[19:07] Tae
    I never knew a cat could have fur like that.
[19:10] Gin
    That's not what you should be shocked about!
[19:13] Cat
    You saved my life by nursing me back then.
[19:17] Cat
    I don't know how to express my gratitude.
[19:18] Gin
    Wait, it can have normal conversations?!
[19:20] Gin
    Hey, what does that woman
    think she's keeping as a pet?
[19:23] Tae
    No need to be shy.
[19:26] Tae
    Shin-chan's been so busy with work
    lately that he hasn't come home at all,
[19:31] Tae
    and this place is too big for one
    person, so I didn't know what to do.
[19:35] Cat
    But I can't bother you any
    more than I already have.
[19:39] Cat
    I was thinking I should get going soon.
[19:43] Tae
    You're leaving already?
[19:45] Cat
    My wounds have mostly healed.
[19:47] Cat
    Besides, uh...
[19:50] Cat
    If people were to find out
    that a young, unmarried lady
[19:54] Cat
    brought a dirty stray home,
[19:56] Cat
    who knows what they'd say?
[19:58] Gin
    That's what you're worried about?!
[19:59] Gin
    Why not show concern about
    her bringing a monster home?!
[20:02] Cat
    If I stayed with you, I'd end up
    dragging your name through the mud.
[20:07] Cat
    I'd rather rot away than
    bite the hand that fed me.
[20:11] Gin
    You already have! What's with this guy?
[20:13] Gin
    Has he always been this chivalrous?!
[20:15] Tae
    You don't have to care about that, you know.
[20:18] Tae
    If there were rumors about, um,
[20:21] Tae
    you and me, would it really
    bother you that much?
[20:24] Cat
    O-Of course not!
[20:26] Tae
    Then stop worrying about silly things.
[20:28] Cat
    Right...
[20:30] Tae
    As the daughter of a samurai family,
    throwing someone with amnesia out in the cold
[20:33] Tae
    would bring me much more shame.
[20:36] Tae
    Until you regain your memories...
[20:38] Tae
    No, even if you don't,
[20:41] Tae
    you can stay here and make new ones.
[20:45] Tae
    You're already my pet, after all.
[20:54] Cat
    Milady,
[20:56] Cat
    I am forever grateful.
[20:57] Gin
    What the hell?!
[20:58] Gin
    Why'd those two turn into
    Takakura Ken and Baisho Chieko?!
[21:02] Hij
    I'm happy for you, my other half.
[21:03] Gin
    What are you crying for?!
[21:06] Gin
    What are you gonna do? How are
    you gonna get your ego back?
[21:09] Gin
    Baisho Chieko definitely won't let you!
[21:11] Tae
    Here. I put all my skill into making
    tonight's dinner, so eat up.
[21:16] Cat
    Thanks for the food.
[21:21] Tae
    Dozaemon-san?!
[21:22] Cat
    Wh-Who am I?
[21:25] Gin
    So that's how he lost his memories?!
[21:27] Tae
    Pull yourself together, Dozaemon-san!
[21:31] Tae
    Why did it end up like this?
[21:32] Gin
    Because of that toxic waste
    you cooked, that's why!
[21:34] Gin
    At this rate, your other half is going
    to stay a pet for the rest of his life!
[21:38] Hij
    Go persuade that woman somehow.
[21:42] Hij
    We don't have a choice! I'm you right now!
[21:45] Hij
    She'll think something's up if
    I go see her out of nowhere.
[21:47] Hij
    It'd be much more natural for
    you to approach her as Gin-san.
[21:51] Hij
    You gotta act like Gin-san and
    persuade her like Gin-san would!
[21:54] Gin
    You've gotta be kidding me! Why would I—
[21:57] Hij
    So you don't mind staying in
    the body you're in, then?
[22:04] Gin
    Y-Yo...
[22:07] Gin
    Otae, pardon the intrusion.
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Preview
[23:44] Hij
    Since you did it last week,
    I'll handle the preview this time.
[23:46] Hij
    Screw you! I'm going to nail it this—
SIGN    I'm Odd Jobs,
    and He's Shinsengumi
[23:48] Sin
    What? Already?! The preview's too short!
SIGN    Next episode previews can sometimes be really short, so take note.
SIGN    The Gintoki and Hijikata Ego Switch Arc comes to an end next week.
SIGN    Will Gintoki's ego manage to retrieve its other half?
SIGN    It looked like Shinpachi and the others got run over. Will they be all right?!

E289 - I'm Odd Jobs, and He's Shinsengumi

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] Gin
    Y-Yo.
[00:02] Gin
    O-Otae...
[00:03] Gin
    Pardon the intrusion.
[00:04] Tae
    Gin-san? What's the matter?
[00:06] Gin
    Nothing. Just dropping by on
    the way home from pachinko.
[00:09] Hij
    Hey! Why are you drooling?
[00:11] Tae
    My, that's unusual.
[00:13] Gin
    Wait, it is?
[00:14] Tae
    What?
[00:15] Gin
    Huh?
[00:16] Gin
    W-Well, uh...
[00:17] Gin
    I got this sudden urge to see you.
[00:20] Hij
    Gin-san wouldn't say that!
[00:22] Tae
    Uh, Gin-san, what are you saying?
[00:25] Tae
    Did you eat something bad?
[00:27] Hij
    Shoot. I don't know how close these two are.
[00:31] Hij
    Are they more distant?
[00:32] Gin
    D-Don't get the wrong idea.
[00:35] Gin
    I might've wanted to see you, but that
    doesn't mean I'm interested in you.
[00:39] Gin
    I just wanted to get a
    look at your moronic mug.
[00:42] Gin
    Seriously, don't get the wrong idea.
[00:44] Hij
    What are you, a tsundere?!
[00:45] Hij
    What the hell do you take me for?!
[00:47] Tae
    Listen, why did you come here, Gin-san?
[00:50] Gin
    I heard it through the grapevine, you see.
[00:53] Gin
    Apparently you brought something home?
[00:58] Gin
    I'll cut right to the chase.
[01:02] Gin
    Dump that loser
[01:05] Gin
    and go out with me.
SIGN    I'm Odd Jobs,
    and He's Shinsengumi
[02:45] Gin
    Dump that loser
SIGN    Sakata Gintoki's (Hijikata Toshiro's) request: Watch this program in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV.
[02:49] Gin
    and go out with me.
[02:55] Hij
    What do you think you're saying in my body?
[02:58] Gin
    This is the easiest way to split those two up.
[03:02] Hij
    Easy, my ass!
[03:03] Hij
    Think of all the problems I'd
    face after I go back to normal!
[03:05] Tae
    Um, Hijikata-san, what brings you here?
[03:09] Hij
    Sorry about that.
[03:10] Hij
    Forget everything he said.
[03:13] Hij
    Anyway, I heard all about it.
    That's harsh, you know.
[03:16] Hij
    You already have the Gori—
[03:17] Hij
    I mean, Kondo-san.
[03:19] Gin
    Why are your eyes rolled back?
    And what's with the crooked chin?
[03:22] Hij
    As the Shinsengumi vice chief,
    I can't let this slide.
[03:26] Hij
    I'll cut right to the chase.
[03:29] Hij
    Forget about the rotten
    cat and the rotten gorilla
[03:33] Hij
    and party all night with
    this demon right here.
[03:39] Gin
    You're doing the exact same thing!
[03:41] Hij
    An eye for an eye! No, two eyes for an eye!
[03:43] Gin
    Not even kowtowing will get
    you off the hook for this!
[03:45] Gin
    How dare you try to steal the chief's woman?!
[03:47] Gin
    Atone for your lack of discipline
    by committing suicide!
[03:49] Tae
    Stop it, you two.
[03:51] Tae
    Don't fight over me.
[03:54] Gin
    Things have gotten really messy now!
[03:56] Tae
    I had no idea you two felt that way.
[04:00] Tae
    Very well.
[04:01] Tae
    I'll choose between you two
[04:03] Tae
    by taking your yearly incomes
    and the like into account.
[04:05] Tae
    Give me a week to think it over.
[04:07] Gin
    That's not the point! We're
    telling you to dump that monster!
[04:10] Tae
    I can't do that.
[04:12] Tae
    If you want me, you'll have to be
    ready to accept Dozaemon-san as well.
[04:16] Tae
    I'm docking you a point for that, Gin-san.
[04:18] Hij
    You can take a hike, then.
    Just let me have Dozaemon-san.
[04:21] Tae
    You're cheating on me before
    we even start dating?
[04:24] Tae
    I'm docking you a point
    for that, Hijikata-san.
[04:27] Tae
    Come on. Are you two really up for this?
[04:29] Tae
    You'll never capture Otae-san's
    heart acting like that.
[04:33] Bo
    Th-This bitch!
[04:35] Shin
    Knock it off!
[04:37] Shin
    How could you bring all these
    men home while I wasn't around?!
[04:41] Shin
    I'm not going to let Gin-san,
    Hijikata-san, or Dozaemon-san have you!
[04:46] Shin
    Sis, you belong to me!
[04:50] Hij
    Sh-Shinpachi? You're back to normal...
[04:55] Kon
    You don't have to worry anymore, Toshi.
[04:57] Kon
    We heard the whole story.
[04:59] Kon
    Leave the rest to us.
[05:02] Gin
    K-Kondo-san!
[05:05] Kon
    Otae-san,
[05:06] Kon
    hurry up and escape with Shinpachi-kun!
[05:08] Kon
    This is a dangerous monster!
[05:10] Kon
    It's a living embodiment of evil,
    born from a certain man's ill intent!
[05:13] Kon
    We'll handle things here!
[05:15] Tae
    What are you planning to do to Dozaemon-san?
[05:18] Shin
    Just come with me! Hurry!
[05:19] Tae
    Let go!
[05:22] Kon
    Toshi! Odd Jobs!
[05:24] Kon
    Quick, get the cart from out front!
[05:26] Kon
    Before this thing wakes up,
[05:27] Kon
    we must take it to the Fully
    Automatic Egg-on-Rice Maker!
[05:30] Kon
    Get going!
[05:33] Bo
    I always believed you guys had
    it in you, even without a leader!
[05:40] Hij
    Huh?
[05:41] Gin
    There's nothing here.
[05:42] Shin
    What are you two doing?!
[05:46] Shin
    They got you hook, line, and sinker.
[05:47] Hij
    Shinpachi? Where are you?
[05:50] Gin
    I only hear his voice.
[05:51] Shin
    Those two...
[05:53] Shin
    Sis, this country is no longer safe!
[05:56] Shin
    Let's flee somewhere far away!
[05:58] Shin
    Yes, Otae-san, you and me...
    to an island for just the two of us!
[06:03] Kon
    Forgive me, Gin-san.
[06:05] Kon
    I didn't realize that you
    were the real Gin-san!
[06:08] Kon
    But I won't get it wrong anymore.
[06:11] Kon
    Just me and my pet...
[06:12] Kon
    No, it'll be a world for
    just you and your pet!
[06:16] Shin
    Those two
[06:17] Shin
    are Gorilla
[06:20] Shin
    and Sacchan inside!
[06:21] Shin
    We ended up swapping bodies, too.
[06:26] Mad
    This is no time to be
    standing around, Vice Chief!
[06:29] Mad
    It's me, Yamazaki!
[06:31] Mad
    At this rate, we won't be able
[06:33] Mad
    to go back to normal—
[06:35] Ymz
    We need to go after them immediately!
[06:37] Shin
    Put us on!
[06:42] Tae
    Let me go, Shin-chan!
[06:45] Tae
    Are you really Shin-chan?
[06:46] Shin
    Wh-What are you talking about, Otae-san?
[06:49] Shin
    I mean, Sis.
[06:50] Shin
    I'm your kid brother, Shimura Shinpachi!
[06:55] Shin
    Now I can see Otae-san up close and personal
[06:57] Shin
    in all sorts of different ways,
    and nobody can criticize me for it!
[07:01] Tae
    Let me go!
[07:02] Tae
    No.
[07:03] Tae
    You really aren't Shin-chan.
[07:05] Shin
    What are you saying, Otae-san?!
[07:11] Kon
    Looks like that Gorilla messed up.
[07:14] Kon
    Not surprising, considering he's
    an ape with 80% bananas for brains.
[07:18] Kon
    I won't screw up.
[07:20] Kon
    Gin-san's other half belongs to me.
[07:23] Kon
    After all, my brain is 90%
    filled with Gin-san's banana—
[07:29] Cat
    I hear it.
[07:30] Cat
    I hear milady screaming.
[07:35] Kon
    Gin-san!
[07:37] Hij
    You useless numbskulls!
[07:39] Hij
    Why did your egos end up inside glasses?
[07:43] Hij
    And what's with Hasegawa-san's body?!
[07:45] Hij
    He turned into a corpse the
    moment he lost his shades!
[07:48] Shin
    If you've got a problem,
    complain to Gengai-san instead!
[07:51] Hij
    Hey, look...
[07:54] Ymz
    Th-That's my body!
[07:56] Ymz
    Who is it? Who's in it?!
[07:58] Ymz
    Hey! Where are you going?
[08:00] Hij
    Is he taking us to that monster?
[08:02] Gin
    Who is that?
[08:03] Gin
    He's not saying a word, but he's
    a pretty useful Yamazaki now.
[08:07] Ymz
    I-I'm plenty useful myself, Vice Chief!
[08:12] Gin
    What's the matter?
[08:13] Gin
    Is something there, Yamazaki?
[08:14] Ymz
    No, that's not Yamazaki.
SIGN    Please clean up after me.
[08:24] Gin
    It's Sadaharu?!
[08:26] Hij
    I thought he was guiding us, but he
    was just looking for a place to poop!
[08:29] Ymz
    And what the hell is he doing with my body?!
[08:32] Ymz
    Don't look!
[08:33] Gin
    Do you guys really want
    to go back to normal?!
[08:36] Ymz
    Isn't that obvious?!
[08:37] Ymz
    Who on this planet would be
    happier as glasses or a dog?!
[08:41] Sad
    Hello, it's me.
[08:44] Hat
    Honey? What's this, all of a sudden?
[08:46] Sad
    I need to tell you something.
[08:49] Hat
    Is that really you, honey?
[08:51] Hat
    Your voice sounds different...
[08:53] Sad
    Nothing escapes you, does it?
[08:57] Sad
    Stay calm and hear me out, Hatsu.
[08:59] Sad
    Finally, finally...
[09:02] Sad
    I found a
[09:05] Sad
    new job.
[09:08] Hij
    We found a guy who was happy!
[09:10] Hij
    Why are you trying to take
    advantage of the switch by
[09:12] Hij
    getting a new career as my pet?!
[09:14] Sad
    Wait, Master. Hear me out.
[09:17] Sad
    Right now, my sense of smell is 100
    million times better than a human's.
[09:20] Sad
    With my nose, we could locate that monster!
[09:23] Hij
    Really?
[09:24] Sad
    Hang on a sec.
[09:26] Sad
    I'll lead you there once I'm done marking.
[09:28] Hij
    Hey, he's more useful now
    than he was as a human.
[09:32] Hij
    Maybe he'd be better off staying a dog.
[09:36] Mad
    All right, let's go.
[09:38] Mad
    Huh? My body won't move.
[09:41] Mad
    Wait, what?
[09:45] Hij
    Congrats on...
[09:46] Gin
    ...your new job.
[09:47] Mad
    This is what I was?!
[09:48] Mad
    Wait a second!
[09:49] Mad
    Don't leave me behind!
[09:51] Ymz
    Are you going to abandon me here, too?!
[09:53] Gin
    What the hell's going on?
[09:55] Hij
    Most of them have switched to careers
    in shady businesses dealing with poop.
[09:59] Hij
    How are we supposed to go
    back to normal like this?
[10:02] Hij
    Th-That's...
[10:04] Tae
    Guys!
[10:05] Cat
    I won't let anyone hurt milady!
[10:09] Shin
    Sis!
[10:10] Hij
    Damn it!
[10:11] Hij
    Those morons made the monster reawaken!
[10:15] Hij
    Who's that?
[10:18] Kag
    Got him!
[10:20] Kag
    Let us show him our combo move, Sou-kun!
SIGN    You got it, Kagura-chan.
[10:24] Kag
    Here we go—
[10:26] Liz
    Who are you calling Sou-kun?!
[10:28] Kat
    She's not Kagura. She's Thickagura-chan.
[10:33] Hij
    They took it out!
[10:35] Hij
    Kagura!
[10:37] Gin
    Sogo!
[10:40] Kag
    Sou-kun! Hang in there!
[10:43] Kag
    This is awful! How could you do this?!
[10:45] Liz
    I'm telling you, quit
    clinging to him in my body!
[10:49] Liz
    Want me to kill you, Zura?!
[10:51] Hij
    Huh? That's Zura?
[10:52] Kag
    I'm not Zura. I'm Leader.
SIGN    I'm Elizabeth.
SIGN    I'm Sou-kun.
[10:54] Kag
    Accept your fates already, former
    Leader and former Sou-kun.
[10:59] Kag
    Now that it's come to this,
[11:00] Kag
    we must each play the roles
    we've been given to perfection.
[11:04] Kag
    The two of us as law-abiding citizens,
[11:07] Kag
    and the two of you as heinous terrorists.
[11:09] Kag
    You're the terrorist! Quit passing
    the buck for your crimes!
[11:12] Kat
    Shut up, Elizaretch. You're being unsightly.
[11:15] Kag
    You shut up, Trashura!
[11:16] Kat
    I'm not Trashura. I'm Sou-kun.
[11:18] Kag
    Can't you two get along?
[11:22] Kag
    Katsura and Elizabeth are
    supposed to be bosom buddies.
[11:25] Kag
    You won't be able to
    defeat us, the buddy duo,
[11:28] Kag
    or crush the bakufu like that.
[11:31] Kag
    I'm telling you, quit touching him!
[11:32] Kag
    It makes me sick!
[11:33] Kag
    Why do I have to team up with him?
[11:36] Kag
    Edo will seriously be destroyed!
[11:37] Kat
    That's the spirit, Elizaretch.
[11:39] Kat
    That's what makes a Joi Rebel.
[11:41] Kag
    I'm neither Elizaretch nor a Joi Rebel!
[11:43] Kag
    What are you, a Zura copycat?!
[11:45] Kat
    Cop or Joi Rebel...
[11:47] Kat
    It doesn't matter if our roles are reversed.
    Taking your head is still my goal.
[11:51] Kat
    Isn't that right, Katsura?
[11:53] Kag
    Now that's more like Katsura.
[11:54] Kat
    I'm not Katsura. I'm Sou-kun!
[11:56] Kag
    You're not Sou-kun. You're Katsura!
[11:58] Hij
    Hey! Quit complicating things!
[11:59] Hij
    What are you idiots even fighting about?!
[12:01] Hij
    Don't you know that this isn't the time for it?
[12:05] Tae
    Everyone...
[12:06] Shin
    Sis!
[12:07] Tae
    Please stop driving
    Dozaemon-san into a corner.
[12:10] Tae
    Why are you doing this?
    We just want to live in peace.
[12:15] Tae
    Also, you're all acting strange.
[12:17] Tae
    What happened to you?
[12:19] Shin
    Sis, this is—
[12:21] Hij
    Keep your mouth shut, Glasses.
    You'll only make things worse.
[12:24] Gin
    Otae, Dozaemon-san is
    actually someone's pet cat.
[12:28] Gin
    He may not remember it, but we
    need to return him to his owner.
[12:33] Gin
    Could you persuade him for us?
[12:35] Tae
    I won't hand Dozaemon-san over to you.
[12:38] Tae
    I would've believed you any other time,
    but you're all acting weird tonight.
[12:41] Hij
    Wh-What's so weird?
[12:43] Kon
    Yeah!
[12:45] Kon
    Stop making baseless accusations, Otae-san.
[12:47] Kon
    I don't know about the others, but Gin-san—
[12:50] Kon
    My Toshi's the same as ever!
[12:52] Kon
    Right, Toshi?
[12:54] Hij
    Shut it, biatch!
[12:56] Tae
    See? This is weird.
[12:58] Hij
    Wh-What do you mean?
[13:00] Hij
    You know Kondo-san and I are tight.
[13:03] Hij
    We're basically joined at the hip.
[13:04] Tae
    More like joined at the nip.
[13:06] Hij
    You might not have been aware, but
    this is how we are most of the time.
[13:10] Hij
    Honestly, the Shinsengumi is full of homos.
[13:13] Hij
    That's exactly why he fell for you—
[13:15] Tae
    Who are you calling a homo?!
[13:18] Gin
    C-Calm down, Otae.
[13:19] Gin
    Them being weird is nothing new, right?
[13:22] Tae
    They're weird with a capital W now!
[13:23] Shin
    Cut it out, Sis!
[13:25] Shin
    What's so wrong with siblings taking
    baths or sleeping together?!
[13:29] Shin
    Right, Toshi—
[13:30] Shin
    Gin-san?
[13:31] Gin
    Th-That's right.
[13:32] Gin
    Shinpachi lusting over you is nothing new.
[13:36] Gin
    All that brother and sister
    stuff doesn't matter.
[13:38] Gin
    He's in heat all year round.
[13:40] Gin
    Besides, what's the problem with
    two men taking a bath together—
[13:43] Tae
    Who are you calling a man?!
[13:46] Cat
    You filthy knaves.
[13:48] Cat
    Get away from milady.
[13:49] Cat
    She is my owner.
[13:51] Cat
    I'm not going anywhere!
[13:53] Hij
    Just how much has that dumbass taken to her?
[13:56] Gin
    We don't have a choice anymore.
[13:58] Gin
    We're gonna have to drag your
    ego out of him by force.
[14:02] Hij
    Can we?
[14:03] Shin
    Yes, we can.
[14:05] Shin
    Although our bodies and minds
    are all over the place,
[14:08] Shin
    we have a common goal this time.
[14:10] Shin
    We are one organization,
[14:12] Shin
    whose two leaders taught us all
    about freedom and discipline.
[14:16] Bo
    That so?
[14:18] Bo
    Then he can pay your wages.
[14:23] Gin
    Let's do this, you louts!
[14:25] Hij
    Take back our real bodies!
[14:31] Tae
    Stop!
[14:33] Hij
    Shinpachi!
[14:36] Shin
    Go!
[14:39] Shin
    Sis, open your eyes wide
    and take a good look!
[14:43] Shin
    Our bodies and minds are
    all over the place now,
[14:46] Shin
    but that's exactly why we weren't
    fixated on appearances alone
[14:52] Shin
    and managed to find our true leaders,
[14:54] Shin
    our true colors!
[14:56] Tae
    Wh-What's this?
[15:05] Shin
    I won't be led astray anymore!
[15:09] Kon
    Even if I were to turn into
    an incestuous pervert!
[15:12] Shin
    You were always a pervert!
[15:17] Kon
    Even if I were
[15:18] Sac
    to turn into a disgraceful stalker!
[15:20] Shin
    You two were always disgraceful stalkers!
[15:23] Bo
    We are
[15:24] Bo
    us!
[15:25] Kon
    We won't let you flirt
    with Otae-san any further!
[15:25] Sac
    We won't let you flirt
    with Gin-san any further!
[15:30] Kag
    Precisely!
[15:32] Kag
    No matter what happens, we won't be
    dyed in anybody else's colors now.
[15:35] Kag
    It's our turn to dye you in
    our colors and bring you back.
[15:41] Kag
    So...
[15:42] Kat
    Come back to us, Gin-chan!
[15:45] Kat
    Let's be Joi Rebels again
    and overthrow the bakufu!
SIGN    Come back.
[15:49] Kag
    Are you kidding me?!
[15:50] Kag
    Don't go getting my hands dirty!
[15:54] Kat
    Exactly.
[15:55] Kat
    The ones who'll destroy the Shinsengumi
    (mainly the Vice Chief)
[15:58] Kat
    and overthrow the bakufu will be us!
[16:01] Kat
    I'll hold the fort here.
[16:02] Kat
    Go, Elizaretch!
[16:04] Kag
    This guy's gotten totally
    dyed in terrorist colors!
[16:07] Sou
    I'm not a terrorist. I'm Sou-kun.
[16:09] Kag
    Whatever!
[16:10] Kag
    To hell with it!
[16:12] Kag
    Give Gin-chan's gonads back!
[16:13] Kat
    Ego, not gonads, Elizaretch!
[16:18] Shin
    Oh, no!
[16:20] Shin
    He still had this much strength left?!
[16:27] Tae
    Gin-san! Hijikata-san!
[16:37] Shin
    Th-That's...
[16:40] Shin
    Who is that?!
[16:41] Shin
    Actually, what is that?!
[16:46] Mad
    What are you guys doing?
[16:47] Shin
    No, what are you guys doing?!
[16:49] Shin
    How did a fusion of shit and shades give birth
[16:51] Shin
    to an unprecedented supernatural creature?!
[16:57] Mad
    Don't break formation!
[16:58] Mad
    Use your own brains to figure out
    what you can do within the organization!
[17:03] Shin
    And it's super strong!
[17:07] Mad
    Remember what our leaders taught us!
[17:10] Mad
    Our other leaders taught us a way of life
    that was completely the opposite of our style!
[17:15] Mad
    And now, we understand how important
    both freedom and discipline are!
[17:19] Mad
    Discipline your weak selves for the
    organization's sake and take a stand!
[17:22] Mad
    But instead of adhering
    to someone else's rules,
[17:24] Mad
    adhere to your own convictions
[17:26] Mad
    and take back what's important to us!
[17:30] Mad
    Come back,
[17:32] Mad
    leaders!
[17:37] Gin
    You guys...
[17:38] Cat
    Milady!
[17:40] Tae
    Dozaemon-san,
[17:43] Tae
    it looks like this is not where you belong.
[17:49] Tae
    Dozaemon-san...
[17:50] Tae
    No, Leader.
[17:53] Tae
    Go home, to where your friends are waiting.
[17:59] Shin
    Goodbye,
[18:03] Shin
    our other leader.
[18:06] Shin
    And
[18:08] Shin
    welcome back,
[18:10] Shin
    our leader!
[18:31] Gin
    There! Something came out of his mouth!
[18:34] Hij
    That's it! That's my ego's other half!
[18:38] Hij
    Huh?
[18:43] Hij
    That's where it comes out from?!
[18:47] Gin
    He spewed out something outrageous!
[18:49] Gin
    I know the ego went in through his asshole,
[18:51] Gin
    but it comes out of there, too?!
[18:52] Hij
    Hey! Is my ego mixed in here?
[18:55] Hij
    Where? Where is it?
[18:56] Hij
    I can't tell due to all these mosaics!
[18:57] Hij
    Hasegawa-san, you were poop to begin with.
[18:59] Hij
    Dive in there and find it for me!
[19:03] Kag
    The poop threw up upon seeing poop!
[19:04] Kag
    Now there's mosaics on top of mosaics!
[19:32] Gin
    How have things been on your end since then?
[19:35] Hij
    Nothing's changed, really.
[19:37] Gin
    So you've gone back to living life
    bound by those stifling ironclad rules?
[19:42] Gin
    But when I was around, they were
    doing just fine even without those.
[19:46] Gin
    Shackle them all you want,
    but morons will always be morons.
[19:49] Gin
    Letting them cut loose every
    now and then won't change that.
[19:53] Hij
    It's none of your business now, is it?
[19:55] Hij
    What, are you worried about them?
[19:59] Gin
    As if.
[20:00] Gin
    I'm just giving you some
    advice as a superior leader.
[20:03] Hij
    How are things at your place, anyway?
[20:06] Hij
    You'd better be paying those guys.
[20:09] Hij
    Given the right rules and incentives,
[20:13] Hij
    even morons can serve a purpose.
[20:15] Hij
    So just pay their wages, at least.
[20:18] Gin
    What's with you? You looking out for them?
[20:21] Gin
    Did you grow attached to them?
[20:22] Hij
    Are you stupid?
[20:24] Hij
    I just want you to return the
    money I had to pay those guys.
[20:31] Gin
    Well, whatever.
[20:32] Gin
    It's your organization.
    Run it however you want.
[20:36] Gin
    But keep this piece of advice in mind.
[20:40] Gin
    Thank them properly.
[20:43] Gin
    Without them, their idiotic vice chief
    couldn't have gone back to normal.
[20:47] Gin
    Leader or not, a man's gotta
    say what he's gotta say.
[20:51] Gin
    That's part of the vice chief's duties, too.
[20:53] Hij
    Right back at you, President.
[20:56] Hij
    Bow that worthless head of yours, open
    your mouth, and thank those brats.
[21:00] Hij
    A president ought to show
    that much tact, at least.
[21:04] Gin
    I'll thank them if you do.
[21:05] Hij
    I'm a capable leader. I don't
    need you to tell me what to do.
[21:09] Gin
    I'm capable of saying it
    myself, you V-shaped baldy.
[21:12] Hij
    That so?
[21:14] Hij
    Then I'll make sure to
    pass your message along,
[21:16] Hij
    Vice Chief.
[21:18] Gin
    Why'd you have to leave
    me such an annoying task?
[21:20] Gin
    Stupid President.
[21:28] Shin
    Gin-san!
[21:29] Shin
    What took you so long?
[21:32] Kon
    Over here, Toshi!
[21:35] Shin
    So...
[21:36] Shin
    Have you figured out a way for
    us to go back to normal...
[21:40] Oki
    ...Leader?
[21:41] Gin
    Well, about that...
[21:44] Hij
    Don't you think it's about
    time we changed leaders?
[21:48] Kag
    Screw you!
[21:50] Kag
    Take responsibility and
    make this right, Leader!
[21:52] Shin
    You guys were the only
    ones to go back to normal!
[21:54] Kon
    Who the hell put poop
    in the transfer device?!
[21:57] Gin
    More like everyone was covered in poop!
SIGN    Preview
[23:35] Sak
    At long last, an episode
    with me in the lead role!
[23:38] Sak
    I bet there'll be a special opening next
    week, with everything switched to me.
[23:43] Sak
    I can't wait!
SIGN    Always Leave Enough Room for Fifty Million in Your Bag
[23:44] SaK
    Next Episode: "Always Leave Enough
    Room for Fifty Million in Your Bag."
SIGN    The opening won't change. It'll be the same as usual.
SIGN    You're a trader, so you should know all about budgetary constraints.
SIGN    If only fifty million fell from the sky...
SIGN    We're waiting with our bags wide open.

E290 - Always Leave Enough Room for Fifty Million in Your Bag

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:04] M
    Kaientai log:
[00:07] M
    Meeting at Planet Nanking.
[00:09] G
    First Lassun Gorilla, then Mossan.
[00:11] G
    What do you think will be the
    next big trend, Sakamoto-san?
[00:14] Sak
    We traders don't wait for
    trends. We create them.
[00:19] Sak
    We have to be trailblazers
    that guide the populace.
[00:23] G
    Oh? Then what would you say
    people's hearts seek right now?
[00:30] Sak
    Bags with room for 50 million!
[00:32] Sak
    Quit dawdlin' and load
    'em on the ship already!
[00:35] G
    Governor... I mean, Captain. It won't fit!
[00:38] Sak
    It will!
[00:38] G
    No, these bags clearly don't
    have room for 50 million!
[00:42] Sak
    I'm tellin' you, it'll fit.
[00:44] Sak
    In reality, 50 million is just a bunch
    of paper, so if you stuff it in—
[00:46] G
    It won't fit! The zipper won't close!
[00:49] M
    Hey, Sakamoto.
[00:50] Sak
    Worry not.
[00:52] Sak
    In the near future,
[00:54] Sak
    an era is sure to come where someone
    could lend you 50 million at any time.
[00:58] Sak
    These will be all the rage then.
[00:59] M
    They're nothing but bags, though.
[01:01] Sak
    All products mean nothin' 'til
    they make it to store shelves.
[01:05] Sak
    They're no different from this pebble.
[01:07] Sak
    Traders are alchemists who derive
    value from nothin' to turn a profit.
[01:13] Sak
    This pebble, too, shines in a
    way that jewels cannot imitate.
[01:20] Sak
    And discoverin' that is our job.
[01:26] M
    With those words, the man cackled
    in the same way he did back then,
[01:31] M
    filled his pockets with pebbles,
[01:33] M
    and set sail across the sea of stars.
SIGN    Always Leave Enough Room
    for Fifty Million in Your Bag
SIGN    Snack Bar Smile
SIGN    Mutsu's Request: Watch this program in a bright
    room and at a safe distance from your TV.
[03:13] G
    What?
[03:14] G
    Can we really have these, Sakamoto-san?
[03:16] Sak
    Take it and go, you thieves!
[03:18] Sak
    They're leftovers, anyway!
[03:20] Tae
    Um...
[03:22] Tae
    Are you sure about this?
[03:24] Sak
    Absolutely. Don't worry 'bout it.
[03:25] Sak
    One of my business ventures
    didn't pan out, you see.
[03:27] Sak
    Bags were never meant to store 50 million,
[03:30] Sak
    but rather the ulterior motives of men.
[03:33] Sak
    On that note, Oryo-chan,
[03:35] Sak
    I'd like 50 million yen's worth of ser—
[03:39] M
    I see now.
[03:41] M
    Looks like we've found a use for pebbles,
[03:44] M
    both you and me.
[03:45] Sak
    Wait, Mutsu! I can expl—
[03:47] M
    If you're goin' to use this
    for your ulterior motives,
[03:50] M
    then I'll use it to recoup our losses.
[03:54] M
    Dump him in the ocean.
[03:55] M
    I've completed all the
    life insurance paperwork.
[03:57] G
    Right away.
[03:58] Sak
    M-Mutsu?!
[03:59] Gin
    I'll take 20% of that as commission, then.
[04:02] Sak
    K-Kintoki!
[04:04] Sak
    Were you the one who ratted me out?
[04:06] Sak
    You'd best remember this, Kintoki!
[04:08] Gin
    How about you remember my name first?
[04:13] Gin
    Pebbles, eh?
[04:15] Gin
    With crap like that in his pockets,
[04:17] Gin
    no wonder the company's sinking.
[04:19] Gin
    The captain himself is
    the biggest dead weight,
[04:22] Gin
    so you must have it rough, Vice Captain.
[04:24] M
    Has he always been like that?
[04:27] Gin
    Beats me.
[04:29] Gin
    But he was already a moron
    by the time I first met him.
[04:36] Gin
    Born in Tosa
[04:37] Gin
    to a merchant family that was
    well-known in those parts,
[04:41] Gin
    he was mistaken to be a leader of men
[04:43] Gin
    and joined the war.
[04:45] (Flashback) Tak
    So that's the Lord of the Southern Sea,
[04:47] (Flashback) Tak
    the Dragon of Katsurahama,
[04:48] (Flashback) Tak
    Sakamoto Tatsuma.
[04:50] (Flashback) Kat
    I'm not Katsurahama. I'm Katsura.
[04:52] (Flashback) Tak
    I wasn't talking about you.
[04:55] (Flashback) Tak
    He has quite the air of certainty to him.
[04:56] (Flashback) Kat
    I'm not Certain. I'm Katsura.
[04:58] (Flashback) Tak
    I wasn't talking about you.
[05:00] (Flashback) Gin
    This sucks.
[05:02] (Flashback) Gin
    Little rich boys and I don't get along.
[05:04] (Flashback) Gin
    Damn self-righteous spoiled brats
    don't know shit about hard work.
[05:08] (Flashback) Gin
    We've already got one, the firstborn
    of a certain samurai family.
[05:11] (Flashback) Gin
    Though I guess he's more
    stillborn than firstborn.
[05:14] (Flashback) Gin
    I bet that ship's a toy his
    daddy bought for him, too.
[05:17] (Flashback) Gin
    Reminds me of a certain runt who got
    his daddy to buy him a Lego regiment
[05:20] (Flashback) Gin
    so he could pretend to be commander.
[05:22] (Flashback) Gin
    Never built a track for Mini-4WDs
    with cardboard boxes, right?
[05:24] (Flashback) Gin
    Just so you know,
[05:25] (Flashback) Gin
    the only reason your lives are
    on the right track is because
[05:28] (Flashback) Gin
    your daddies bought you
    the whole damn track.
[05:30] (Flashback) Gin
    All it means is that your
    daddies are hotshots.
[05:33] (Flashback) Tak
    Whose troops are you calling Lego blocks?
[05:35] (Flashback) Tak
    Besides, I was disowned a long time ago.
[05:38] (Flashback) Gin
    What? I never said I was talking about you.
[05:42] (Flashback) Gin
    Takasagi-kun, you actually
    thought your family was rich?
[05:45] (Flashback) Gin
    You actually call yourself Richie Rich?
[05:48] (Flashback) Kat
    Would you two cut that out?
[05:50] (Flashback) Kat
    I'm not into Richie Rich.
    I like Archie Comics better!
[05:52] (Flashback) Tak
    Look, you just keep your mouth shut.
[05:55] (Flashback) Gin
    Hey, look at him.
[05:56] (Flashback) Tak
    What's he laughing for?
[05:59] (Flashback) Gin
    Don't look down on Takasugi-kun, you bastard!
[06:02] (Flashback) Tak
    Takasugi-kun, my foot.
[06:03] (Flashback) Tak
    He's looking down on us because of you.
[06:06] (Flashback) Gin
    Hey, whatcha gigglin' at?
[06:10] (Flashback) Gin
    What's so funny about Takasugi-kun?
[06:12] (Flashback) Gin
    'Cause "Taka" means "high," but he's so low?
[06:14] (Flashback) Tak
    You're the one looking down on me.
[06:15] (Flashback) Gin
    You might not believe it,
    but Takasugi-kun's friend count
[06:17] (Flashback) Gin
    is three times lower than Tamo-san's!
[06:20] (Flashback) Tak
    You weren't talking about my height?
[06:21] (Flashback) Gin
    Hey, whatcha ignoring us for?
[06:24] (Flashback) Gin
    Keep looking down on us,
    and we'll take you out!
[06:26] (Flashback) Gin
    We'll kick the rebel right out of you!
[06:27] (Flashback) Gin
    I'm telling you to quit laughing!
[06:29] (Flashback) Gin
    Takasugi-kun, wanna kick his ass?
    Give him some divine punishment?
[06:32] (Flashback) Gin
    What's with this guy?
[06:34] (Flashback) Gin
    He's not intimidated at all.
[06:36] (Flashback) Gin
    Not only that, he's ignoring us
[06:38] (Flashback) Gin
    and staring at the battlefield
    with a smile on his face.
[06:41] (Flashback) Gin
    He might just be a man among men.
[06:44] (Flashback) Gin
    We might just have found
    ourselves a great leader.
[06:49] (Flashback) Sak
    Oh, sorry 'bout that.
[06:51] (Flashback) Sak
    I got seasick,
[06:54] (Flashback) Sak
    so I was staring at the horizon.
[06:56] (Flashback) Sak
    I didn't notice you there.
[06:58] (Flashback) Sak
    Wait, who are you guys?
[07:00] (Flashback) Bo
    Divine punishment!
[07:07] Gin
    From the moment I met him, Sakamoto
    Tatsuma was Sakamoto Tatsuma.
[07:11] Gin
    With the people skills to con
    his way into anyone's purse,
[07:16] Gin
    he secured financial backing,
[07:17] Gin
    raised funds,
[07:18] Gin
    and procured weapons...
[07:20] Gin
    He got us a ton of money,
    almost as if he were a con man.
[07:23] Gin
    Even on the battlefield,
    he fought not with a sword,
[07:26] Gin
    but with the weapon called trade.
[07:29] Gin
    You can't wage war without troops,
[07:32] Gin
    but those troops can't fight without money.
[07:35] Gin
    That con man was the one supporting our war.
[07:38] M
    So basically, he polished
    the troops, his products,
[07:41] M
    until they could be displayed
    on the shelves of war?
[07:45] M
    You guys are pebbles he picked up, too, huh?
[07:48] Gin
    Maybe so.
[07:50] M
    And it's thanks to you that
[07:51] M
    he has this bad habit of puttin'
    unprofitable products on store shelves.
[07:56] M
    Talk about a pain in the ass.
[07:59] Gin
    No wonder they call you the Razor XO.
[08:02] Gin
    Your tongue's so sharp, it could
    shave the beard right off one's chin.
[08:05] M
    But hey, Miss Vice Captain,
[08:07] M
    aren't you a pebble that
    moron picked up, too?
[08:17] Sak
    I can't believe they actually dumped me.
[08:20] Sak
    How they've grown, to be able to
    treat their captain like this.
[08:23] Sak
    They've taken their first
    step to independence.
[08:25] Sak
    I get it.
[08:26] Sak
    I get it already, so could you rescue me now?
[08:29] Sak
    Hey, I know one of you
    is standin' by somewhere!
[08:32] Sak
    I've realized the error of my
    ways. That's enough, right?
[08:38] Sak
    Somebody help me, please!
[08:41] Sak
    Anybody!
[08:42] M
    That man...
[08:44] (Flashback) Sak
    SOS!
[08:46] (Flashback) Sak
    I'm not a suspicious man!
[08:50] M
    He was tied up and floatin' in
    the middle of an ocean so dark,
[08:53] M
    you couldn't tell where it
    ended and the sky began.
[08:56] Gin
    He hasn't made any progress at all, huh?
[08:59] M
    It was back when he'd just left the Joi War
[09:02] M
    and was startin' to dabble in space trade.
[09:06] M
    Apparently he'd fallen prey
    to some shady business.
[09:08] M
    And he just happened to be
    rescued by the ship I was on,
[09:13] M
    a slave ship of the Chidori Space Pirates.
[09:15] Gin
    Slave ship?
[09:17] M
    At the time, they were considered
    the most powerful crime syndicate
[09:20] M
    after the Harusame.
[09:22] M
    Their profits came primarily
    from human trafficking.
[09:25] M
    On the ship were people who were kidnapped,
[09:27] M
    sold into slavery, or abandoned.
[09:29] M
    And I was there with 'em.
[09:31] Gin
    You...
[09:33] (Flashback) G
    There's a weird guy in the water.
[09:35] (Flashback) G
    He seems to be crying for help.
[09:37] (Flashback) G
    What do we do,
[09:39] (Flashback) G
    Mutsu-sama?
[09:40] (Flashback) M
    Pick him up and throw him in the slave cages.
[09:42] Gin
    You were on that side?!
[09:44] Gin
    You were the seller, not the sellee?!
[09:47] Gin
    You were a space pirate?!
[09:49] M
    Chill out. It was just a part-time job.
[09:51] Gin
    A part-time kidnapper is even scarier!
[09:55] M
    Vice Commander of the Chidori
    Space Pirates' Second Division,
[09:58] M
    Diamond Princess Mutsu.
[10:01] M
    My shift was Tuesday through Friday.
[10:04] Gin
    Part-time, my ass! You were clearly the chief!
[10:07] M
    What else could I do?
[10:08] M
    My dad was the CEO.
[10:10] Gin
    What do you mean, your dad was the CEO?!
[10:11] Gin
    Are you the Pirate King's daughter?
[10:13] Gin
    Do you know where One Piece is?!
[10:14] M
    In truth, even I wanted to do girly things
[10:16] M
    like goin' to fancy cafés
    to extort protection money,
[10:20] M
    or cute little cake shops to get rid
    of traitors who were sellin' cakes
[10:25] M
    with a different kinda powder mixed in.
[10:27] M
    But my dad forced me—
[10:28] Gin
    What part of that is girly?! It's not all
    that different from human trafficking!
[10:32] Gin
    So, what? You're not an Earthling?
[10:34] Gin
    What's with the Tosa dialect, then?
[10:35] M
    I caught it from Sakamoto.
[10:38] Gin
    How did a pirate like you
[10:41] Gin
    end up doing business with
    a slave you picked up?
[10:45] M
    That's simple.
[10:47] M
    He,
[10:48] M
    Sakamoto Tatsuma,
[10:50] M
    bought me along with the slave ship.
[10:53] M
    Rather, he bought the entire
    Kaientai from the pirates.
[11:02] Sak
    Man, now that's what you call
    a near-death experience.
[11:06] Sak
    You're lifesavers. I don't
    know how to thank you.
[11:09] Sak
    Huh? I get the feeling this
    has happened before.
[11:14] G
    What a coincidence.
[11:16] G
    We have a feeling this
    has happened before, too.
[11:20] G
    This reminds us of the time we picked
    up a con man drifting in the ocean,
[11:23] G
    who then stole our ship, our leader,
[11:26] G
    and everything from us.
[11:29] G
    Long time no see, Con—
[11:35] Sak
    Oh, sorry about that. I got cranesick.
[11:38] Sak
    Could I get some medicine for that?
[11:47] (Flashback) M
    I don't know why you were drifting
    in the middle of the ocean,
[11:52] (Flashback) M
    but it's hard to say whether you're lucky or
    unlucky, bein' picked up by a slave ship.
[11:57] (Flashback) Sak
    Are you the cap'n of this ship?
[12:00] (Flashback) Sak
    It's a nice ship.
[12:02] (Flashback) G
    What do you think you're doing?
[12:04] (Flashback) Sak
    It's well-maintained,
    and its crew's well-trained.
[12:07] (Flashback) Sak
    Proves that it has a stellar cap'n.
[12:10] (Flashback) Sak
    I've made up my mind.
[12:12] (Flashback) Sak
    This ship now belongs to Sakamoto Tatsuma!
[12:17] (Flashback) G
    Say what? Do you realize
    the situation you're in?
[12:20] (Flashback) G
    You're a slave now!
[12:22] (Flashback) G
    You're not here to shop,
    but to be shopped for!
[12:25] (Flashback) Sak
    With this ship, I could run
    a fine business in space.
[12:29] (Flashback) Sak
    It's used, so you'll give
    me a good price, right?
[12:31] (Flashback) G
    Listen to me, damn it!
[12:33] (Flashback) Sak
    Quiet, you.
[12:34] (Flashback) Sak
    I'm talkin' to the cap'n here.
[12:39] (Flashback) G
    What an amusing man.
[12:42] (Flashback) G
    It'd be a shame to make him a slave.
[12:45] (Flashback) G
    But she's not the captain.
[12:47] (Flashback) G
    C-Commander!
[12:49] (Flashback) G
    If you have something to say, I'll hear—
[12:54] (Flashback) G
    What have you done to the commander?!
[12:56] (Flashback) Sak
    Sorry about that.
[12:58] (Flashback) Sak
    I love ships, but I get seasick easily.
[13:01] (Flashback) Sak
    Oh, thanks for the sick sack.
[13:03] (Flashback) G
    That's not a sick sack!
[13:05] (Flashback) G
    It's the commander's ball sack!
[13:09] (Flashback) M
    Take him to the cages already.
[13:11] (Flashback) M
    I'm not about to do business with a slave.
[13:14] (Flashback) M
    We pirates do business using slaves.
[13:17] (Flashback) Sak
    I know, I know.
[13:20] (Flashback) Sak
    I'm makin' this offer fully
    aware of what you're sellin'.
[13:24] (Flashback) Sak
    I'll buy this ship, slaves and all.
[13:28] Gin
    Slaves and all?
[13:29] Gin
    What's that supposed to mean?
[13:31] M
    Exactly what it sounds like.
[13:33] M
    That man's a far sleazier
    con man than mere pirates.
[13:39] G
    Vice Captain!
[13:40] G
    Th-This is bad!
[13:41] G
    The captain... Sakamoto-san...
[13:45] G
    Do you hear me, members of Kaientai?
[13:48] G
    Quickly abandon your ships
    and return them to us!
[13:52] G
    If you resist, your captain
    can kiss his life goodbye!
[13:57] G
    You will return everything you stole from us!
[14:02] G
    With interest, of course!
[14:07] G
    Commander, they're not responding.
[14:10] G
    Commander!
[14:11] G
    I hear you!
[14:12] G
    Curse him. Not once, but twice...
[14:14] G
    He didn't just make me lose face, he puked on it,
[14:17] G
    and ruined my all-important intro scene!
[14:20] G
    I'm at the end of my patience!
[14:21] G
    Cannons at the ready!
[14:25] G
    Show them how serious we are,
[14:29] G
    and how terrifying space pirates can be!
[14:31] G
    Fire!
[14:34] G
    Commander!
[14:37] G
    Those guys fired at us!
[14:38] G
    Don't they care what
    happens to their captain?
[14:41] M
    It matters not.
[14:42] M
    This is a chance to get rid
    of that good-for-nothing!
[14:44] M
    Fire!
[14:45] Sak
    Mutsu?!
[14:48] M
    Listen up.
[14:50] M
    Keep them distracted until
    I sneak aboard their ship.
[14:54] G
    Yes, ma'am! Good luck!
[14:56] M
    Let's go, Shaggy White.
[14:58] G
    Why me too?!
[15:02] G
    Hang on a sec!
[15:03] G
    I can't swim!
[15:04] M
    You're the ones who created
    Shaggy Black over there.
[15:08] M
    Clean up your mess.
[15:10] M
    But I never knew those stragglers
    were waiting to take their revenge.
[15:15] M
    Hurry, or we'll be too late.
[15:16] Gin
    What the hell do you want to do?
[15:18] Gin
    Save him, or not?!
[15:24] (Flashback) W
    Give me a bigger discount!
[15:25] (Flashback) Sak
    Come on, now.
[15:27] (Flashback) Sak
    Are you trying to make me go bankrupt?
[15:29] (Flashback) Sak
    Oh, all right.
[15:32] (Flashback) Sak
    Let's call it a deal with your
    pickled radishes from dinner.
[15:35] (Flashback) G
    Sakamoto-san gave in to
    the old lady's bargaining!
[15:38] (Flashback) G
    Old ladies really are shrewd shoppers.
[15:41] (Flashback) G
    I went through hell to hide
    this bottle of alcohol,
[15:44] (Flashback) G
    and now I'm giving it away
    for pickled radishes.
[15:49] (Flashback) M
    What do you think you're doing?
[15:53] (Flashback) Sak
    Oh, hey, Cap'n.
[15:54] (Flashback) Sak
    I'm trading, as you can see.
[15:56] (Flashback) Sak
    Anyway, how about it? Have you made
    up your mind to sell the ship yet?
[15:58] (Flashback) M
    Dream on.
[16:00] (Flashback) M
    You're a slave.
[16:02] (Flashback) M
    I thought I told you to learn your place.
[16:04] (Flashback) Sak
    And I thought I told you I
    was a trader, not a slave.
[16:08] (Flashback) M
    Even though you have no money?
[16:10] (Flashback) Sak
    I'll just pay in installments.
[16:12] (Flashback) Sak
    I'm sure to become a trader
    known across the universe.
[16:16] (Flashback) Sak
    Just look at my customers.
[16:18] (Flashback) Sak
    Being able to put smiles on people's
    faces with a cheap bottle of alcohol
[16:21] (Flashback) Sak
    is what makes trading so much fun.
[16:23] (Flashback) Sak
    You can sell people all you want,
[16:25] (Flashback) Sak
    but if that doesn't make anybody smile,
[16:27] (Flashback) Sak
    then that trade is boring, no
    matter how much money it makes.
[16:30] (Flashback) Sak
    It's written all over your face.
[16:32] (Flashback) M
    I don't seek pleasure from work.
[16:35] (Flashback) M
    I just do my job, is all.
[16:36] (Flashback) G
    Precisely.
[16:39] (Flashback) G
    Mutsu-sama, you'll eventually
    succeed the Fleet Admiral,
[16:41] (Flashback) G
    so you carry a huge responsibility.
[16:44] (Flashback) G
    Please refrain from behavior that
    would disappoint your father.
[16:49] (Flashback) G
    Like, for example,
[16:50] (Flashback) G
    taking interest in some slave—
[16:56] (Flashback) Sak
    You've had too much to drink, Gran.
[16:58] (Flashback) Gr
    Sorry about that, Commander.
[17:00] (Flashback) G
    Would you guys knock it off?!
[17:02] (Flashback) G
    Just when am I going to get to show my face?!
[17:04] (Flashback) G
    Who the hell brought alcohol in here?!
[17:07] (Flashback) G
    Come, Mutsu-sama.
[17:09] (Flashback) G
    We must leave this filthy place at once.
[17:12] (Flashback) M
    You're the filthy one. Get away from me.
[17:14] (Flashback) G
    Mutsu-sama!
[17:17] (Flashback) G
    Please stop acting like a spoiled child.
[17:20] (Flashback) G
    Surely you understand why your
    father left you in my care.
[17:25] (Flashback) G
    He also told me
[17:28] (Flashback) G
    that you and I would run Chidori someday,
[17:33] (Flashback) G
    and asked me to stay by your side and
    support you, both at work and in private.
[17:38] (Flashback) M
    Are you saying that's part of my
    duties as a pirate's daughter, too?
[17:42] (Flashback) G
    No, Mutsu-sama.
[17:44] (Flashback) G
    For a long time, I've lov—
[17:49] (Flashback) M
    Sorry...
[17:54] M
    He was right on the money.
[17:56] M
    It was a most boring family business,
[17:58] M
    and a most boring life.
[18:01] M
    Born as a pirate's daughter,
    and raised as a pirate,
[18:05] M
    I just did my job as told.
[18:08] M
    My actions never put a
    smile on anyone's face.
[18:11] M
    I always thought business
    was about exploiting people.
[18:16] M
    That was the first time I'd ever seen a
    trader who actually gave people something.
[18:23] (Flashback) Sak
    Hey, Cap'n.
[18:24] (Flashback) Sak
    What, are you peeking at us again?
    Why don't you just join us?
[18:29] (Flashback) M
    I-I wasn't peeking!
[18:31] (Flashback) M
    I was simply observing you to make
    sure you didn't bring anything
[18:35] (Flashback) M
    weird in here again.
[18:36] (Flashback) Sak
    You don't have to worry.
    I have nothin' left to sell.
[18:40] (Flashback) Sak
    I was just puttin' these pebbles
    up for auction 'cause I was bored.
[18:44] (Flashback) M
    Pebbles?
[18:45] (Flashback) Sak
    Confined spaces make your body grow stiff.
[18:48] (Flashback) Sak
    And these provide the perfect massage.
[18:50] (Flashback) Sak
    Right, Gran?
[18:51] (Flashback) G
    I'm telling you,
[18:54] (Flashback) G
    I ain't gonna give you a single
    pickle for these blunt stones.
[18:57] (Flashback) G
    Come back when you've got something sharper.
[18:59] (Flashback) G
    Don't underestimate how stiff
    a granny's body can get.
[19:01] (Flashback) Sak
    What was that, you old crone?!
[19:03] (Flashback) Sak
    If you want a pointy, stiff one so bad,
[19:06] (Flashback) Sak
    I can skewer you with my
    little rocky right here.
[19:08] (Flashback) Sak
    Just you watch, Gran!
[19:13] (Flashback) M
    How's that? Was it a perfect
    massage for your stupidity?
[19:17] (Flashback) G
    Oh, Captain!
[19:18] (Flashback) G
    That's it! That rock!
[19:20] (Flashback) G
    Sell it to me!
[19:21] (Flashback) M
    Uh, this is just a broken piece of flooring.
[19:25] (Flashback) G
    I beg of you!
[19:28] (Flashback) G
    This is bliss! I'm in heaven!
[19:32] (Flashback) G
    I gotta hand it to the
    Diamond Princess's choice.
[19:35] (Flashback) G
    This feels like a diamond.
[19:36] (Flashback) G
    Hey, Gran!
[19:38] (Flashback) G
    Let me use it, too!
[19:39] (Flashback) G
    Me too!
[19:40] (Flashback) G
    Me three!
[19:41] (Flashback) G
    Thank you so very much, Captain.
[19:45] (Flashback) G
    You're truly kind.
[19:48] (Flashback) G
    This isn't much, but please take it.
[19:51] (Flashback) M
    N-No need. You get barely any food as it is.
[19:55] (Flashback) Sak
    You should accept that.
    It's basic trader etiquette.
[19:59] (Flashback) Sak
    Give and take.
[20:02] (Flashback) Sak
    That's what business is all about.
[20:15] (Flashback) G
    What? The Fleet Admiral?
[20:18] (Flashback) G
    I knew he was ill, but I didn't
    expect it to happen so soon.
[20:22] (Flashback) G
    What are we supposed to tell Mutsu-sama?
[20:25] (Flashback) G
    Nah. No need for any consideration.
[20:28] (Flashback) G
    But, as mature as she seems,
    she's still only fourteen.
[20:32] (Flashback) G
    That's not what I meant.
[20:34] (Flashback) G
    I'm saying we don't have to tell her.
[20:37] (Flashback) G
    While the Fleet Admiral was still alive,
[20:39] (Flashback) G
    I thought my only way to gain
    power was to use his daughter.
[20:45] (Flashback) G
    But now, I can ignore that girl
[20:47] (Flashback) G
    and become Fleet Admiral myself!
[20:50] (Flashback) G
    C-Commander!
[20:53] (Flashback) G
    Alter our course.
[20:55] (Flashback) G
    This is no time to indulge in petty business.
[20:59] (Flashback) G
    Tomorrow, at Planet Ken'o,
    we shall execute all the slaves,
[21:02] (Flashback) G
    along with that girl.
[21:07] M
    I wasn't really shocked.
[21:08] M
    It was a scene I'd seen played
    out over and over in that world.
[21:22] (Flashback) M
    I'll leave the emergency escape pod unlocked.
[21:26] (Flashback) M
    Use it before this ship reaches
    Planet Ken'o tomorrow.
[21:29] (Flashback) M
    I don't know how many it can hold,
[21:31] (Flashback) M
    but I'm sure it's better
    than all of you dying.
[21:33] (Flashback) Sak
    What're you playin' at?
[21:35] (Flashback) M
    Apparently you're no longer slaves.
[21:38] (Flashback) M
    Nobody wants to transport unprofitable cargo.
[21:40] (Flashback) M
    Besides, you said it yourself.
[21:43] (Flashback) M
    That business is all about give and take.
[21:51] (Flashback) M
    Tell her it was delicious.
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Preview
[23:33] M
    That shaggy moron
[23:35] M
    seems to be under the impression
    that he's the main character in this tale,
[23:39] M
    but it's actually me.
SIGN    Always Leave Enough Room
    for Pebbles in Your Bag
[23:41] M
    Next Episode: "Always Leave Enough
    Room for Pebbles in Your Bag."
[23:45] M
    I get more screen time in the openin', too.
SIGN    Preview
SIGN    Shocking truth comes to light! Mutsu is the daughter of a pirate!
SIGN    Through trade, she finally interacts with people and has a change of heart...?
SIGN    Meanwhile, the puker on board, Sakamoto, prepares for a blockbuster trade.
SIGN    Right now, it even comes with pickles if you watch the broadcast next week!!

E291 - Always Leave Enough Room for Pebbles in Your Bag

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:01] M
    Vice Commander of the Chidori
    Space Pirates' Second Division,
[00:04] M
    Diamond Princess Mutsu.
[00:06] Gin
    You were a space pirate?!
[00:09] (Flashback) C
    Long time no see, Con—
[00:13] (Flashback) Sak
    I've made up my mind.
[00:16] (Flashback) Sak
    This ship now belongs to Sakamoto Tatsuma!
[00:20] (Flashback) Sak
    I'll buy this ship, slaves and all.
[00:24] (Flashback) W
    Thank you so very much, Captain.
[00:28] (Flashback) W
    You're truly kind.
[00:30] (Flashback) Sak
    Give and take.
[00:32] (Flashback) Sak
    That's what business is all about.
[00:36] (Flashback) C
    Tomorrow, at Planet Ken'o,
    we shall execute all the slaves,
[00:39] (Flashback) C
    along with that girl.
[00:46] (Flashback) M
    Tell her it was delicious.
SIGN    Sakamoto Tatsuma's request: Watch this program in a
    nice 'n' bright room and at a safe distance from your TV!!
[02:31] M
    Even I couldn't say why
    I did what I did back then.
[02:37] M
    Perhaps I didn't want to get others
    caught up in my own battles,
[02:41] M
    or perhaps I wanted to atone for all
    the slaves I'd sold up until then.
[02:47] M
    No, most likely...
[02:51] M
    the daughter of a pirate just wanted to
    take part in a real trade at the very end.
SIGN    Always Leave Enough Room
    for Pebbles in Your Bag
[03:10] G
    Put out the fire!
[03:14] Gin
    And? This is what your
    "real trade" resulted in?
[03:20] Gin
    Looks like you got some
    pretty hefty change back.
[03:24] M
    Yeah, droppin' all these coins
    is most unbecomin' of a trader.
[03:29] G
    Y-You bastards!
[03:31] M
    I'd better collect 'em all this time.
[03:34] M
    Right down to the very last yen.
[03:45] Gin
    Where's that moron?
[03:46] M
    They might've realized their bluff didn't work
[03:48] M
    and decided to try to take him and escape.
[03:51] M
    You search the deck.
[03:54] Gin
    Got it.
[03:59] Gin
    Wait, Muts—
[04:06] Gin
    Why, you little...
[04:12] G
    Welcome home, Vice Commander.
[04:15] G
    How nice of you to finally come back to us.
[04:20] G
    Let's pick up...
[04:24] G
    where we left off that time.
[04:31] (Flashback) C
    That's a pirate's daughter for you.
[04:34] (Flashback) C
    You're putting on a brave
    face right to the very end.
[04:37] (Flashback) C
    Or so I'd like to say,
[04:40] (Flashback) C
    but it seems you saw this coming.
[04:44] (Flashback) M
    Everybody knows pirates don't
    get to die painless deaths.
[04:48] (Flashback) M
    And I can see the very next cut,
[04:50] (Flashback) M
    where your face will be hit by bird
    poop, coming from a mile away.
[04:56] (Flashback) C
    Not again!
[04:57] (Flashback) C
    And the seagulls on this planet drop huge turds!
[05:01] (Flashback) C
    You're saying you were
    prepared to die at any time?
[05:04] (Flashback) C
    It won't come off...
[05:06] (Flashback) C
    Then why did you stay on this ship?
[05:12] (Flashback) C
    Was it for him, perhaps?
[05:20] (Flashback) M
    Why didn't you run?
[05:23] (Flashback) Sak
    The same reason you didn't.
[05:28] (Flashback) Sak
    You alone weren't enough bait
[05:31] (Flashback) Sak
    to ensure everyone could get away.
[05:36] (Flashback) M
    You...
[05:41] (Flashback) C
    By playing the decoy yourselves,
    you tried to distract us
[05:45] (Flashback) C
    and buy enough time for
    the slaves to get away.
[05:49] (Flashback) C
    Mutsu-sama, this is undeniably a rebellion.
[05:53] (Flashback) C
    Now I can freely order your execution.
SIGN    26.477
[05:57] (Flashback) C
    And theirs, as well.
[06:02] (Flashback) C
    How's it look?
[06:03] (Flashback) G
    Targets sighted 50 km south of this ship.
[06:09] (Flashback) G
    We just shot them down.
[06:11] (Flashback) G
    The slaves are now sleeping with the fishes.
[06:17] C
    Yes, it was just the same back then.
[06:20] C
    You tried to protect your friends,
[06:23] C
    but were unable to do anything
[06:25] C
    and simply fell to the ground.
[06:28] C
    And here you both are again,
[06:31] C
    fallen on the ground.
[06:33] C
    People never change, eh?
[06:36] Sak
    Yeah, they don't.
[06:39] Sak
    Just like your stupid face.
[06:42] Sak
    Oh, sorry.
[06:44] Sak
    I forgot I've never seen your face.
[06:49] C
    Let me tell you this, Con Man!
[06:52] C
    The one thing we wanted
    to take back from you most
[06:56] C
    was that girl's life!
[06:58] C
    If she hadn't escaped back then,
[07:00] C
    if I'd been the one at the helm,
[07:03] C
    I could've gotten the crumbling
    Chidori back on its feet!
[07:06] C
    But this traitor ruined everything!
[07:14] G
    Commander!
[07:17] Sak
    You were the ones who tossed
    her away, twice, like a pebble.
[07:22] Sak
    I'm a trader.
[07:23] Sak
    So long as I get paid, I'll gladly sell
    you anythin', be it ships or bags.
[07:28] Sak
    But no matter how large your offer,
[07:31] Sak
    I have nothin' to sell to scum
[07:35] Sak
    who don't understand the value
    of those pebbles we call comrades.
[07:40] Sak
    Could you please leave, good sir?
[07:45] G
    Y-You bastard!
[07:47] Sak
    People don't change, huh? Well said.
[07:51] Sak
    You haven't changed a bit since then, either.
[07:57] (Flashback) C
    Too bad.
[07:59] (Flashback) C
    None of what you did affected
    my plans in any way whatsoever.
[08:06] (Flashback) C
    Now, if you'll sink to the depths of
    the ocean, all will be as I planned.
[08:10] (Flashback) M
    Business is no walk in the park, huh?
[08:14] (Flashback) M
    In the end, all I did was take.
[08:18] (Flashback) M
    I couldn't give them anything in return.
[08:20] (Flashback) Sak
    Nah. Your pebble was a wonderful product.
[08:25] (Flashback) Sak
    That was good business.
[08:27] (Flashback) M
    That was nothing but a pebble.
[08:30] (Flashback) Sak
    All goods are worth nothin'
    'til they're on a store shelf.
[08:33] (Flashback) Sak
    Traders are alchemists who derive
    value from nothin' to turn a profit.
[08:40] (Flashback) Sak
    That you discovered that value
    makes you a proper trader.
[08:44] (Flashback) Sak
    And now, it's my turn.
[08:48] (Flashback) Sak
    Didn't I tell you that I'd buy
    this ship, slaves and all?
[08:53] (Flashback) Sak
    I never planned on leaving
    anyone locked inside a cage.
[08:58] (Flashback) Sak
    Including you, Mutsu.
[09:01] (Flashback) Sak
    You're no longer a pirate,
[09:04] (Flashback) Sak
    nor a mere pebble.
[09:07] (Flashback) Sak
    You're a diamond I found in the rough,
[09:13] (Flashback) Sak
    a gem known as a comrade!
[09:16] C
    Y-You fiends!
[09:19] M
    We played dead and disguised
    ourselves among your men.
[09:22] M
    I can't believe you fell for it twice.
[09:24] M
    You really aren't cut out to be a captain.
[09:28] M
    One moronic captain is more than enough.
[09:34] (Flashback) G
    Fire!
[09:39] (Flashback) G
    Attention all pirates!
[09:41] (Flashback) G
    C-Commander! The slave ships!
[09:44] (Flashback) G
    We have taken over your fleet!
[09:48] (Flashback) G
    Hand over the mother ship, too,
[09:51] (Flashback) G
    How did they...
[09:51] (Flashback) G
    and free all the slaves!
[09:54] (Flashback) G
    You have five minutes.
[09:57] (Flashback) G
    One...
[09:58] (Flashback) G
    Two...
[09:59] (Flashback) G
    Three...
[09:59] (Flashback) C
    Y-You bastards!
[10:00] (Flashback) G
    Four...
[10:01] (Flashback) G
    Five...
[10:03] (Flashback) G
    Gran?!
[10:05] (Flashback) G
    That was too quick! Didn't you
    hear me say "five minutes"?!
[10:07] (Flashback) G
    When you get old, time seems
    to fly by so much faster.
[10:11] (Flashback) G
    No, it really has only been five seconds!
[10:14] (Flashback) G
    They fired at us!
[10:16] (Flashback) C
    Curses! Ignore the firing and
    turn the tables on the slaves!
[10:20] (Flashback) G
    C-Commander! They've vanished!
[10:23] (Flashback) C
    What?
[10:31] (Flashback) Sak
    Hup.
[10:46] Gin
    W-Wait.
[10:47] Gin
    That fighting style,
[10:49] Gin
    pale skin,
[10:51] Gin
    and braided hat to ward off the sun...
[10:53] Gin
    Don't tell me...
[10:56] Gin
    You're a Yato?!
[10:59] Gin
    So the heiress of a space pirate fleet
[11:01] Gin
    is also a member of the universe's
    mightiest warrior race?!
[11:04] Gin
    Where does that leave our heroine?!
[11:07] Gin
    Damn it, Tatsuma!
[11:08] Gin
    You couldn't have picked a more
    dangerous XO if you'd tried!
[11:11] Sak
    Yato? What's that all about?
[11:13] Gin
    You didn't know?!
[11:19] C
    Fire!
[11:20] C
    Hold them off!
[11:24] Sak
    Are they trying to escape?
[11:26] M
    Not on my watch.
[11:28] M
    You're not the only ones
    who can use projectiles!
[11:34] G
    Commander! All the guns have been destroyed!
[11:37] C
    I don't care! Get going!
[11:44] M
    Don't you understand that
    I'm tellin' you to wait?
[11:46] M
    You forgot your change, sir.
[11:51] C
    M-Mutsu...
[11:52] C
    With that much power and talent,
[11:56] C
    you could've become a notorious pirate.
[11:59] C
    Why are you still serving that man?
[12:03] C
    Why do you remain a mere trader?
[12:06] C
    To repay your debt to him?
[12:08] C
    To atone for the slaves?
[12:12] M
    Nonsense.
[12:14] M
    Even if I wanted to repay my debts,
[12:16] M
    or atone for my sins,
[12:19] M
    they're all gone.
[12:24] M
    That insane trader took all
    my debts and sins from me.
[12:33] M
    I stand before you as someone
    who lost everything she had.
[12:37] M
    As plain old Mutsu.
[12:39] M
    As Vice Captain of the Kaientai, Mutsu.
[12:44] C
    Those are the slaves from back then!
[12:45] C
    Don't tell me your Kaientai is...
[12:49] M
    Remember this.
[12:51] M
    I'm not a pebble that moron picked up.
[12:55] M
    The one who found a pile of gems back then
[13:03] M
    was me.
[13:10] M
    What's this?
[13:12] M
    Here I thought I'd finally get to see your face,
[13:15] M
    but it's as filthy as ever.
[13:24] M
    It ain't gonna sell.
[13:33] G
    Mutsu-sama! I'm so glad you're safe!
[13:36] G
    I knew you'd be able to pull it off.
[13:40] G
    You even managed to buy a ship
    with those unprofitable bags.
[13:43] G
    Give it back! Give our ship back!
[13:45] G
    Your business acumen is truly
    beyond measure, Mutsu-sama.
[13:49] G
    Let's celebrate Mutsu-sama's
    safe return with a party!
[13:52] Sak
    Hey! Doesn't anybody want to celebrate
    the captain's safe return?!
[13:57] Gin
    Well, you didn't return safe and sound.
[13:59] Gin
    Your mug's gone bon voyage.
[14:03] Gin
    Still, I'm amazed your Kaientai fleet
[14:07] Gin
    is made up of the slaves you freed.
[14:12] Sak
    This is a trade, too.
[14:14] Sak
    The slaves have nowhere to go, so I
    give them a home as members of my crew.
[14:20] Sak
    In return, it saves me labor costs.
[14:22] Sak
    It's a win-win.
[14:24] Gin
    I'll leave it at that,
[14:27] Gin
    because I'm sure you'd rather drop
    dead than say you did it for a girl.
[14:32] Gin
    You'll have to compensate me for my services.
[14:35] Gin
    I'm running a business, too.
[14:37] Sak
    I'll leave it at that,
[14:39] Sak
    because I'm sure you'd rather drop dead
    than say you did it for a girl, too.
[14:53] (Flashback) M
    You said I was no longer
    a pirate, didn't you?
[14:58] (Flashback) M
    How so?
[14:59] (Flashback) M
    This is clearly worse than piracy.
[15:05] (Flashback) Sak
    Don't sweat the small stuff.
[15:07] (Flashback) Sak
    Pirates and traders do more
    or less the same things.
[15:11] (Flashback) Sak
    We eat, poop, sleep, and puke.
[15:16] (Flashback) M
    You're the only one who pukes
    anywhere and everywhere.
[15:19] (Flashback) Sak
    Besides, you already know the difference
    between pirates and traders.
[15:35] (Flashback) Sak
    That's right.
[15:37] (Flashback) Sak
    We Kaientai are pirates who live for pleasure.
SIGN    Kai-rates
[15:41] (Flashback) Sak
    We're Kai-rates!
[15:47] G
    We're good to go.
[15:54] Sak
    Kaientai...
[15:55] M
    ...lift off!
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[16:02] Shin
    Gin-san, Gin-san, we've received
    a package from Mutsu-san.
[16:06] Gin
    What? Is it my reward?
[16:08] Gin
    The Razor XO really knows where it's at!
[16:13] Kag
    Look, Gin-chan!
[16:14] Kag
    It's 50 million yen!
[16:15] Gin
    For real?!
[16:16] Kag
    Or, well, a bag with room for 50 million,
[16:19] Kag
    filled with pickled radishes!
[16:33] M
    That was good business.
[16:35] M
    With those words, the woman
    filled her pockets with pebbles
[16:40] M
    and set sail across the sea of stars.
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[18:21] Shin
    Wait, what?
[18:22] Gin
    We ended up with some time left over.
[18:24] Shin
    Don't say it like that!
[18:26] Kag
    I was irritated that characters who
    usually only show up in the OP and ED
[18:28] Kag
    got a two-episode arc that ended on a
    nice note, so I'm glad this happened.
[18:33] Kag
    What do you mean, she's actually
    a Yato? That's news to me.
[18:35] Shin
    Well, there have been ups and downs,
[18:37] Shin
    but Gintama Season Three, which began
    with an apology press conference,
[18:40] Shin
    has now managed to stay on
    air for a whole two cours.
[18:42] Gin
    Seriously, so much has happened.
[18:44] Gin
    We played basketball and wore the Cloths.
[18:46] Kag
    We really did our best to
    ride on others' coattails.
[18:49] Shin
    Uh, well...
[18:52] Shin
    And now,
[18:53] Shin
    thanks to all of you, it's been decided
    that we'll be airing a third cours, too!
[18:58] Gin
    Oh...
[18:59] Kag
    'Kay.
[19:00] Shin
    Hey, what's with the lame reactions?
[19:02] Gin
    Everyone probably already found out
    we're continuing from anime magazines
[19:04] Gin
    or TV Tokyo's official site.
[19:06] Kag
    And considering we'll have to
    make do with a shoestring budget,
[19:09] Kag
    it's a double-edged sword.
[19:10] Shin
    Hey! What's with this mood?!
[19:12] Shin
    Act more excited, even if
    you have to force yourselves!
[19:14] Gin
    But well,
[19:15] Gin
    it was really difficult to
    make a return this time.
[19:18] Gin
    I mean, the manga staff used Jump's
    cover to tell us, "Don't do it!"
[19:21] Gin
    And the filthy grown-ups went all,
[19:23] Gin
    "This will set a bad example, so you
    represent all the anime staff and apologize."
[19:28] Gin
    To top it all off, they said,
[19:29] Gin
    "Your hair's all crooked. Show some sincerity,"
[19:32] Gin
    and nearly made me shave my head there.
[19:35] ---
    I somehow convinced them to
    let me off with a 7:3 part!
[19:37] ---
    Any adult who'd associate with this
    anime can't be a decent person.
[19:41] ---
    Yeah, we did suddenly go
    from a Sunrise production
[19:43] ---
    to being produced by Bandai Namco ictures.
[19:45] Shin
    Uh, was that really the company's name?
[19:46] Kag
    Bandai Namco ictures is
    just Bandai Namco ictures.
[19:50] Kag
    Oh, would abbreviating it to BN be easier to say?
[19:53] Shin
    I'm saying there's no beep there!
[19:55] Shin
    I mean, it's just a P!
[19:57] Gin
    When you're running a company,
[19:58] Gin
    there are some things you just
    gotta hide from the public.
[20:01] Shin
    What's the point of hiding
    the company's name?!
[20:03] Kag
    That aside, what do we do
    about the remaining airtime?
[20:05] Gin
    Oh, maybe run a recap or something?
[20:08] Kag
    The higher-ups said to make
    it seem a little special,
[20:10] Kag
    because if we did a normal recap,
[20:12] Kag
    we'd look like all those other shows
    delayed by production issues.
[20:15] Gin
    Man, that's such a pain in the ass.
[20:17] Shin
    Uh, in that case,
[20:19] Shin
    how about the three of us describe all
    that's happened so far as we reflect on it?
[20:23] Gin
    But if it's just the three of us,
    won't it all be the same stuff?
[20:27] Kag
    We could make it seem special
    by having three special guests.
[20:30] Kag
    How about something like this?
SIGN    Third Cours Confirmed
     Celebration Project
SIGN    Our Recap
[20:39] Shin
    Our Recap.
[20:41] Shin
    Our guests today:
SIGN    Sakata Gintoki
[20:43] Shin
    Sakata Gintoki-san,
SIGN    Sakata Gintoki (F)
[20:45] Shin
    Sakata Gintoki-san,
SIGN    Sakata Gintoki (Hijikata)
[20:47] Shin
    and Sakata Gintoki-san.
[20:51] Gin
    Hold it right there!
[20:54] Gin
    What the hell is this?
[20:55] Gin
    Guests, my foot!
[20:56] Gin
    They're all me!
[20:57] Gin
    How are we all coexisting at the same time?!
[21:00] Ginko
    Oh, shut it.
[21:01] Ginko
    Because there's demand for us, obviously.
[21:04] Gin
    Screw that! Your demand is my demand!
[21:07] Ginko
    Who are you, Gian?
[21:09] Ginko
    You despicable scum!
[21:11] Gin
    Um, you're me, you know!
[21:13] Hij
    I'm not you on the inside.
[21:15] Hij
    Don't get the wrong idea.
[21:17] Gin
    And you, get out of my body already!
[21:19] Ginko
    Hey, President. Whatcha think
    of this dude's attitude?
[21:24] Hij
    I don't remember allying with you, either.
[21:26] Hij
    Crazy bitch.
[21:27] Ginko
    Say what?!
[21:28] Ginko
    Don't get all cocky using
    my body, damn Mayopiggy-X!
[21:31] Hij
    Who are you calling Mayopiggy-X?!
[21:33] Ginko
    Also, what's with that hairdo?
[21:35] Ginko
    Trying to act cool?
[21:36] Ginko
    Even though your real
    body has V-shaped bangs?
[21:37] Ginko
    Is it because of the V-shaped bangs?
[21:38] Ginko
    Because you want to be freed
    of the V-shaped curse?
[21:40] Hij
    Like hell, dumbass!
[21:42] Hij
    I can set my hair in my
    real body if I try, too!
[21:44] Hij
    I can get a makeover at any time!
[21:46] Gin
    Stop it, you two!
[21:47] Gin
    This is making me feel
    really awkward, so stop!
[21:50] Gin
    I can't do this anymore!
[21:51] Gin
    Cut, cut! Let's start over!
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[21:54] Kag
    What was that for, Gin-chan?
[21:56] Kag
    That seemed really special, you know.
[21:58] Gin
    We don't need special if it's
    going to be so out of control!
[22:00] Gin
    We're not after something
    on the level of Christmas
[22:02] Gin
    and New Year's coming at the same time!
[22:03] Gin
    Just a little bit is fine!
[22:05] Gin
    A three-day weekend is fine!
[22:07] Kag
    A three-day weekend, huh?
SIGN    Third Cours Confirmed
    Celebration Project
SIGN    Our Recap
[22:13] Shin
    Our Recap.
[22:15] Shin
    Our guests today:
SIGN    Gaa
[22:17] Shin
    Ga°a-san,
SIGN    Otega
[22:19] Shin
    O°tega-san,
SIGN    Mah
[22:20] Shin
    and Ma°h-san.
[22:22] Gin
    Hold it!
[22:23] Gin
    Cut, cut!
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[22:26] Gin
    I said three-day, not Tri-Stars!
[22:28] Gin
    Though I should've seen it coming!
[22:29] Gin
    That joke was in SD Gundam already,
    as the Black Tri-Defeats or something!
[22:32] Kag
    By taking a step back,
[22:34] Kag
    it's actually become
    easier to mess with this.
[22:37] Kag
    I wanna ask them what the story is
    behind the move from Sunrise to BN.
[22:41] Gin
    Those guys know what happened?!
[22:44] Kag
    I guess they wouldn't.
[22:46] Kag
    How about this, then?
SIGN    Third Cours Confirmed Celebration Project
SIGN    Our Recap
[22:50] Shin
    Our Recap.
[22:52] Shin
    Our guests today:
SIGN    Sadaharu
[22:54] Shin
    Sadaharu-san,
SIGN    Dozaemon
[22:55] Shin
    Dozaemon-san,
SIGN    Hideyoshi (Gorilla)
[22:56] Shin
    and Hideyoshi-san.
[23:03] Gin
    I have no idea what they're saying!
[23:07] Gin
    And couldn't you talk like
    a human being before?!
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[23:11] Kag
    I thought a pet special would be soothing.
[23:13] Gin
    It's not! It's nothing but unsettling!
[23:15] Shin
    Uh, I'm sorry,
[23:16] Shin
    but while we were messing around, we ended
    up with less than 30 seconds remaining!
[23:20] Gin
    Seriously?!
[23:21] Gin
    Forget about the project now. Let's just
    flash back to everything in one go!
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[23:38] Gin
    On that note...
[23:39] All
    Please look forward to the third cours!
SIGN    Style Goes Out of Fashion
    the Moment It's Put Into Words
    
    There Are Two Types of People In This World:
    Those Who Yell Out Their Attack Names,
    and Those Who Don't
[23:45] Shin
    Next episode, we have Style
    and Ultimate Attacks.
[23:48] Shin
    Yeahhhh!
SIGN    Next episode is a two-parter featuring Shinpachi for some reason,
SIGN    so we're flashing back to his scenes in one go.
SIGN    His retorts are so good, we'd like them echoing in the mountains at night.
SIGN    Oh, and there'll be a new OP and ED! Yeahhhh!

E292 - Style Goes Out of Fashion the Moment It's Put Into Words / There Are Two Types of People In This World: Those Who Yell Out Their Attack Names, and Those Who Don't

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] Tae
    Sorry for making you come along, Shin-chan.
[00:03] Shin
    Don't be.
[00:04] Shin
    But are you sure you
    should've bought so much?
[00:07] Tae
    They're all clothes to wear at the club,
[00:09] Tae
    so they'll be expensed.
[00:11] Shin
    Oh...
[00:13] Shin
    Meanwhile, all I wear now
    is this twin-striped kimono.
[00:16] Shin
    I don't leave much of an impression,
[00:17] Shin
    so I figure I'll be easier to remember
    if I always wear the same thing.
[00:20] Tae
    You say that,
[00:22] Tae
    but you're being considerate of our
    finances and animation, aren't you?
[00:25] Shin
    Animation has nothing to do with it.
[00:27] Tae
    I know!
[00:28] Tae
    I made you come shopping with me today,
[00:30] Tae
    so I'll buy you a kimono as thanks.
[00:32] Shin
    You don't have to.
[00:34] Tae
    Why not?
[00:35] Tae
    Do you want to waste
    your youth worrying about
[00:37] Tae
    our animators and color coordinators?
[00:38] Shin
    But Gin-san always wears
    the same outfit, too.
[00:41] Tae
    I'm sure everyone's putting effort
    into their fashion behind the scenes.
[00:46] Tae
    See? Speak of the devil.
[00:49] Gin
    Don't tell me Gin-san's here to buy a kimono.
[00:51] G
    Perfect timing, Odd Jobs boss.
[00:55] G
    We've got a new collection in, so take a look.
[00:58] Gin
    Not a bad idea.
[00:59] Gin
    We're starting the third cours today,
    so maybe I should get a makeover.
SIGN    Fashion Goes Out of Style
    the Moment It's Put Into Words
[01:11] G
    This is a new item we're trying
    to make popular. Want to try it on?
SIGN    Shimura Shinpachi's request: Watch this program in
    a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV!!
[01:15] Gin
    Wow, this is pretty cool.
[01:19] Shin
    Sis, uh...
[01:20] Shin
    What kinda store is that?
[01:21] Sis
    A kimono store, clearly.
[01:24] Shin
    Kimono? They all look the same to me.
SIGN    Fitting Room
[01:28] G
    How d'you like it?
[01:29] G
    I'm dead certain it'll look great on you.
[01:32] Gin
    I feel like something's off.
[01:35] Shin
    Nothing's off! It's no different at all!
[01:37] Gin
    Even if I do plan to change my look,
    I'm not trying to be this adventurous.
[01:40] Gin
    Do you have anything that's a bit
    more similar to my usual style?
[01:43] Shin
    Just how unadventurous are you?
[01:44] Shin
    You haven't taken one step out of your house!
[01:46] G
    We had one you'd probably like,
    but it's sold out now.
[01:50] Shin
    I see them all over!
[01:51] Shin
    And who else but Gin-san
    would ever visit this store?
[01:53] G
    You know, this is athletics festival season,
[01:56] G
    so the Zunborans bought them all.
[01:59] G
    After all, this is their
    school-assigned tracksuit.
[02:01] Shin
    School-assigned tracksuit?!
[02:03] Shin
    Wait, it's some school's gym uniform?!
SIGN    The Zunboran Tracksuit Store
[02:06] Shin
    That's what he's been wearing
    the past nine years?!
[02:09] Gin
    Oh, I get it.
[02:10] Gin
    I knew something was off.
[02:12] Gin
    It says "third-year" over here.
SIGN    3rd Year
[02:14] Gin
    Come on, I'm a ninth-year now. My juniors
    would look down on me if I wore this.
[02:18] Shin
    That's not the issue!
[02:19] Gin
    Oh, well. I'll come again.
[02:21] G
    Any time.
[02:22] Shin
    You're walking out wearing what you tried on!
[02:24] Shin
    You guys can't tell the
    difference either, can you?!
[02:27] Shin
    I-I had no idea Gin-san's one good outfit
    was the Zunborans' school tracksuit.
[02:32] Tae
    Shin-chan, truly fashionable
    people can add their own touch
[02:35] Tae
    to any outfit and make it suit their style.
[02:37] Shin
    Not even alumni can pull off
    a school tracksuit perfectly!
[02:40] Tae
    Look, even Kagura-chan's no exception.
[02:44] Gin
    What's up, Kagura?
[02:45] Gin
    Find something good?
[02:46] Kag
    Yeah. I was wondering which
    hair accessory to pick.
[02:50] Kag
    But they're all too big.
[02:52] Shin
    Those aren't hair accessories!
[02:54] Z
    Sorry, Kagura-chan.
    Your favorite size is sold out.
[02:57] Z
    You know, there was a choir
    competition recently,
[03:00] Z
    so the Zunborans bought up all the
    ps sheaths for their formal wear.
[03:04] Shin*
    Those are Zunboran, too?!
[03:06] Shin
    Kagura-chan's hair clips were
[03:08] Shin
    Zunboran jockstraps?!
SIGN    The Zunboran Jockstrap Store
[03:10] Shin
    For nine whole years,
[03:11] Shin
    our heroine has been wearing that crap
    on her head with a smile on her face?!
[03:14] Gin
    Let's come back when the
    new school year starts.
[03:16] Kag
    Right.
[03:17] Gin
    Just go buy normal hair clips!
[03:19] G
    Oh, if you want a smaller size,
    you can have the one I'm using—
[03:24] Shin
    What's wrong with you two?
[03:27] Shin
    Sis, they're the ones who need
    to pay more attention to fashion.
[03:31] Gin
    Oh, shut up.
[03:32] Gin
    Fashion's not about where it comes
    from, but how you pull it off.
[03:34] Gin
    In the end, it's what's inside that counts.
[03:37] Kag
    That's right.
[03:38] Kag
    Are there any other heroines who can
    pull off ps sheaths like I do?
[03:41] Shin*
    You ceased to be a heroine the moment
    you put ps sheaths on your head!
[03:44] Tae*
    But isn't this great?
[03:45] Tae
    You were too embarrassed to try
    a new look by yourself, right?
[03:48] Tae
    Now all three of you can get one together.
[03:51] Gin
    Who died and made you boss?
[03:53] Gin
    I don't want to waste my time on that.
[03:55] Tae
    But it wouldn't be a problem to
    have at least one more outfit.
[03:58] Tae
    For example, it's okay to have seasonal
    outfits for summer and winter, right?
[04:02] Gin
    Winter outfits?
[04:04] Tae
    I mean, I've been wondering
    this for a while...
[04:07] Tae
    Don't you get cold wearing that in winter?
[04:12] Kag
    Now that you mention it...
[04:13] Kag
    Why do you always wear short sleeves?
[04:16] Kag
    Why do you always have one arm out?
[04:18] Gin
    N-No reason in particular.
[04:20] Kag
    Why don't you just wear it right?
[04:21] Kag
    In the first place, why do
    you need to have one arm out?
[04:24] Kag
    Because you can't be bothered?
[04:25] Kag
    How do you put it on, then?
[04:27] Kag
    Do you put it on right first,
    and then take the arm out?
[04:29] Kag
    Why?
[04:30] Kag
    You put it on right but go out
    of your way to take it out?
[04:32] Kag
    Even though it's a pain?
[04:33] Kag
    Why?
[04:35] Kag
    Oh, I'm sorry.
[04:37] Kag
    Did you think it looked cool or something?
[04:38] Gin
    Maybe I should buy something
    with long sleeves!
[04:40] Gin
    It's not like I'm fixated
    on this style, anyway!
[04:42] Gin
    I've never once thought it looked cool!
[04:44] Gin
    I just thought it'd be easier
    to move one arm this way!
[04:48] Kag
    Hooray! Winter outfits acquired!
[04:50] Gin
    Who said you guys could buy anything?
[04:52] Tae
    I'll take these two.
[04:54] Gin
    You don't even have anything
    to do with this discussion!
[04:56] Shin
    Winter outfits, huh?
[04:57] Shin
    True, we're not very seasonal.
[05:00] Gin
    We can't go too crazy
    with our outfits, though.
[05:03] Gin
    If we screw up, the viewers might ridicule
    them as pathetic anime originals.
[05:06] Tae
    That's right.
[05:07] Tae
    Something that preserves the
    original image to an extent
[05:09] Tae
    and is still warm and stylish should be good.
[05:12] Tae
    For instance, how about this?
[05:14] Shin
    Oh, that looks good.
[05:17] Gin
    You think? I'm not sure
    it's all that different.
[05:19] Shin
    Why are you taking one arm
    out even in long sleeves?!
[05:21] Gin
    I feel gross when one arm isn't out.
[05:24] Shin
    Your obsession with taking
    one arm out is what's gross!
[05:26] Gin
    A samurai must at all times be ready to
    whip out his sword with his dominant hand.
[05:31] Shin
    I don't want to hear that from
    a half-nude perverted samurai!
[05:33] Shin
    That winter outfit has lost all meaning!
[05:35] Tae
    So you refuse to give up
    on having one arm out.
[05:38] Tae
    In that case, how about
    keeping the short sleeves,
[05:39] Tae
    and wearing a cape over it?
[05:42] Gin
    I'm still not sure it's all that different.
[05:44] Shin
    What part are you exposing?!
[05:46] Gin
    I really do feel gross if I don't
    leave some part of my body out.
[05:50] Shin
    Your current look is what's gross!
[05:52] Gin
    A samurai must at all times be ready to
    whip out his sword with his dominant hand.
[05:56] Shin
    What are you planning to whip out?!
[05:57] Tae
    Oh, all right.
[05:58] Tae
    We'll preserve your image and focus on
[06:01] Tae
    fashionable cold-protection
    only where it's feasible.
[06:03] Shin
    Who the hell is this?
[06:04] Shin
    There's nothing left of the image,
    cold-protection, or fashion!
[06:07] Tae
    It's all good.
[06:08] Tae
    We've got the one fashion point
    that Gin-san insists on right here.
SIGN    9th Year
[06:12] Shin
    That just makes him look
    even more messed up.
[06:13] Shin
    He just looks like an
    awfully messed up person.
[06:16] Gin
    Knock it off already.
[06:18] Gin
    Otae, I wanna be able to whip
    out my sword in a flash.
[06:21] Gin
    In this, I'll just shrink up, and
    I won't be able to whip anything out.
[06:25] Gin
    At least let me keep it warm with this.
[06:27] Shin
    That's what you were talking about?!
[06:28] Kag
    What the hell do you think you're doing?!
[06:31] Tae
    Calm down, Kagura-chan.
[06:33] Tae
    Your hair accessory just went
    back to where it belonged.
[06:36] Tae
    Let's give you a new look
    without hair accessories.
SIGN    China Dress Corner
[06:40] Tae
    It'd be nice to make you look more
    adult by letting your hair down, right?
[06:44] Tae
    Like so.
[06:46] Tae
    But it feels like your
    head's missing something.
[06:49] Shin
    How about wearing a hat, then?
[06:51] Shin
    Like this one with cat ears.
[06:53] Gin
    Hey, Pachi-boy. Quit forcing
    your creepy tastes on her.
[06:57] Shin
    I-It's not like that!
[06:59] Shin
    I think this is cute in its own right.
[07:01] Kag
    Like this?
[07:04] Shin
    She grew some outrageous ears!
[07:06] Shin
    Where'd the ps sheaths come from?!
[07:07] Kag*
    I feel gross if there's nothing on my head.
[07:10] Shin
    A girl with actual ps sheaths
    on her head is what's gross!
[07:14] Kag*
    Well, the idea was to make me look adult.
[07:16] Shin
    Not that kind of adult!
[07:17] Tae
    I understand, Kagura-chan.
[07:19] Tae
    Why don't you tie your hair
    with these baubles instead?
[07:22] Kag
    Like this?
[07:24] Shin
    That's even more vulgar!
[07:26] Kag
    It still feels like my
    head's lacking something.
[07:28] Shin
    It's lacking a brain inside!
[07:30] Gin
    Look...
[07:32] Gin
    Whether it's my one arm out,
    or Kagura's hair accessories,
[07:35] Gin
    people have things they can't give up on,
    things that are part of their identity.
[07:38] Shin
    I don't want to hear that from a guy who's
    lost all traces of his original form.
[07:41] Gin
    We need something that makes
    full use of the hair accessory.
[07:45] Gin
    Just put underwear on her head, basically.
[07:47] Shin
    In the end, she's pretty
    much the same as you!
[07:49] Tae
    That's Gin-san and Kagura-chan for you.
[07:52] Tae
    They complain, but they've gotten
    used to their new styles already.
[07:54] Tae
    Why are they giving off this sense of
    security when standing side-by-side?
[07:57] Shin
    Are they? I'm only getting
    a sense of insecurity.
[07:59] Shin
    They look like some kind of suspicious group.
[08:02] Gin
    Like I said,
[08:04] Gin
    it's what's inside that counts.
[08:05] Gin
    Stylish people look stylish
    no matter what they wear.
[08:09] Kag
    In the end, fashion's simply an expression
    of who you are on the inside.
[08:13] Shin
    If that's true, you guys are
    expressing something outrageous!
[08:16] Shin
    Don't you think it's weird?
    This just isn't right!
[08:18] Shin
    It's not like you at all.
[08:19] Shin
    How did things end up like this?
[08:21] Shin
    You're all too fixated on empty
    words such as image and fashion.
[08:25] Shin
    If you wear it because you're told to,
[08:26] Shin
    or because you're worried
    about how others see you,
[08:28] Shin
    can you truly call it fashion?
[08:32] Shin
    Why don't you change one more time?
[08:34] Shin
    This time, pick something
[08:36] Shin
    that you, and only you, feel
    in your heart suits you best.
[08:46] Kag
    Huh?
[08:46] Kag
    Gin-chan, why are you wearing
    the same old outfit?
[08:50] Gin
    Right back at you.
[08:51] Kag
    I thought about it, but I figured
    this is what I'm most comfortable in.
[08:55] Gin
    Yeah. It's a pain, so let's just go with these.
[09:00] Tae
    I'm sorry. It looks like I stuck
    my nose where it didn't belong.
[09:04] Tae
    You guys were already decked out
    in your Sunday best, weren't you?
[09:08] Shin
    Yep.
[09:09] Shin
    This is what suits Odd Jobs best.
[09:15] Gin
    Why are you the only one dressed up?!
[09:17] Kag
    Get a clue, damn it!
    What part of this suits you?
[09:20] Kag
    Wipe that annoying expression off your face!
[09:21] Shin
    Shaddup! I'm sick of those twin stripes!
[09:24] Shin
    I...
[09:25] Shin
    I wanna be fashionable, too!
[11:00] Shin
    Uh, sorry about that.
[11:03] Shin
    Go back to the usual twin
    stripes next week, please.
SIGN    Kodokan
    Dojo
[11:08] All
    Yeah! Yeah!
[11:10] Shin
    More!
[11:12] Shin
    Make it sound more like Nagabuchi!
[11:14] All
    Yeah!
[11:17] Shin
    Yeah, you take the rudder.
[11:19] Shin
    Listen up!
[11:20] Shin
    People crumble easily if
    their hearts lack resolve.
[11:24] Shin
    Just swinging your sword thoughtlessly
    will never make you stronger.
[11:28] Shin
    Let me hear it!
[11:29] Shin
    Why do you want to grow stronger?
[11:31] Shin
    Why did you come to this dojo?
[11:34] Tae
    Everyone's working hard, I see.
[11:37] Tae
    How about a little break?
[11:39] Tae
    It's time for your chocolate macadamia nuts.
[11:43] Tae
    Okay, okay.
[11:44] Tae
    Don't push. Line up in order.
[11:46] G
    All right! Got my chocolate!
[11:49] G
    Let's get outta here.
[11:50] G
    We're only here for the chocolate.
    We don't need you.
[11:54] G
    Acting all high and mighty.
[11:56] G
    I almost wanted to cut him down to size.
[11:58] G
    Damn brat.
SIGN    There Are Two Types of People In This World:
    Those Who Yell Out Their Attack Names,
    and Those Who Don't
[12:07] Shin
    After Hajime-nii encouraged us,
[12:09] Shin
    we finally got this Kodokan
    Dojo back on track,
[12:14] Shin
    but our disciples don't
    care about swordsmanship.
[12:17] Shin
    They're all only here for the macadamia nuts.
[12:20] Shin
    I figured, if it meant we could pass down
    the style Father left us, that was fine.
[12:25] Shin
    But at this rate...
[12:27] Gin
    All right. Everyone get in
    position and give it a shot.
[12:30] All
    Kamehameha!
[12:34] Shin
    What the hell are you doing?!
[12:36] Shin
    Why are you teaching Turtle
    School at someone else's dojo?!
[12:39] Tae
    I asked him to give a special course.
[12:42] Gin
    I thought I should start
    with piquing their interest
[12:45] Gin
    by passing down a flashy ultimate move.
[12:47] Shin
    But that's someone else's ultimate move.
    It's got nothing to do with swordsmanship.
[12:50] Shin
    I bet you can't do it, either!
[12:52] Kag
    Instructor Sakata!
[12:53] Kag
    I think something just came out.
[12:55] Gin
    You're right.
[12:57] Gin
    You can move on to Kaio-ken, then.
[12:59] Shin
    Like hell she can!
[13:00] Shin
    Wanna die once and go to King Kaio's planet?!
[13:02] Shin
    Get out!
[13:04] Shin
    This is not the Turtle House!
[13:08] Kag
    What's your problem?
    Everyone was really into it, too.
[13:13] Kyu
    It's absurd, but they might
    be on the right track.
[13:15] Shin
    What are you talking about?
[13:17] Kyu
    An ultimate move.
[13:19] Kyu
    If you give them a goal, saying
[13:20] Kyu
    they can use a move like this
    if they put in the effort,
[13:22] Kyu
    it might change something in them.
[13:25] Shin
    But there's no way our style
    has an ultimate move...
[13:28] Kon
    That might not necessarily be the case.
[13:32] Kon
    I was poking around your
    storehouse and found this.
[13:35] Shin
    Before that, where did you come from?
[13:38] Tae
    Could this be...
[13:40] Tae
    The Tendo Mushin Ryu secret
    ultimate move scroll?
[13:42] Shin
    Secret ultimate move?
[13:43] Tae
    Before Father passed away, he was
    desperately writing this by his sickbed.
[13:48] Tae
    He wanted you to have it someday.
[13:50] Kyu
    S-So this scroll contains the Tendo
    Mushin Ryu's secret ultimate move,
[13:54] Kyu
    written by your father?
[13:57] Gin
    Hey, Pachi-boy.
[13:58] Gin
    You have an ultimate move,
    even though I don't?
[14:01] Gin
    Isn't that unfair?
[14:02] Tae
    Shin-chan,
[14:03] Tae
    now is the time to inherit the
    final technique Father left behind.
[14:08] Tae
    The Tendo Mushin Ryu's secret ultimate move,
[14:11] Tae
    its name...
[14:12] Tae
    Evil Holy Sword Let's Dancing All Night
[14:14] Tae
    Rising Special Ultra Miracle
[14:16] Tae
    Super Mario Brothers Second Edition
[14:18] Tae
    Luigi's Counterattack Director's Cut!
[14:22] Shin
    Father...
[14:24] Shin
    Talk about loooooooooong!
[14:27] Shin
    Look, I get that he put a
    lot of thought into this,
[14:28] Shin
    but it's impossible to remember!
[14:30] Shin
    Even if, by some miracle,
    I managed to memorize it...
[14:33] Shin
    Evil Holy Sword Let's Dancing All Night
[14:35] Shin
    Rising Special Ultra Miracle—
[14:37] Shin
    I'd get taken out before I
    finish yelling the attack name!
[14:40] Kag
    There's no rule that says you
    have to yell out the attack name.
[14:43] Kyu
    But it's the move your father
    managed to write in his sickbed,
[14:47] Kyu
    so maybe you should yell it out.
[14:49] Kyu
    As quickly as possible.
[14:51] Shin
    What kind of ultimate move
    is this?! It's like bullying!
[14:53] Kyu
    Or you could...
[14:54] Kyu
    My family has a technique we
    can't yell out loud, too...
[14:58] Kyu
    Mankyou Tentsugan!
SIGN    Mankyou Tentsugan
[15:01] Sign
    So we use a beep.
[15:02] Shin
    Where are you putting that beep?
[15:03] Shin
    That could cause a pretty
    nasty misunderstanding!
[15:06] Kon
    Our style's ultimate move has
[15:07] Kon
    a complicated name, the Testify
    Diamond Cleaving Three-Step Thrust,
SIGN    Testify Diamond Cleaving Three-Step Thrust
[15:11] Kon
    so we shorten it
[15:13] Kon
    and call it Testicles.
[15:15] Shin
    You should cover your entire body in beeps!
[15:17] Gin
    Sounds like a good idea. Let's abbreviate it.
[15:20] Gin
    This is really drawn-out, but long story short,
SIGN    Flash of the Heavenly Soaring Glasses
[15:22] Gin
    it's Flash of the Heavenly
    Soaring Glasses, right?
[15:24] Shin
    Where was that written? What the
    hell does Flash of the Glasses mean?
[15:27] Kag
    Then let's put a beep there,
[15:28] Kag
    and make it Flash of the
    Heavenly Soaring °°°°°°.
SIGN    Flash of the Heavenly Soaring °°°°°°
[15:31] Shin
    What's the point of hiding that part?
[15:32] Shin
    It looks like a total rip-off now!
[15:35] Tae
    In that case,
[15:37] Tae
    
[15:40] Tae
    should do, right?
[15:41] Shin
    Sis!
[15:42] Shin
    You've turned me into a pervert who's
    just yelling out words banned on TV!
[15:46] Tae
    You don't have time to be stumbling right now.
[15:49] Tae
    The question is what kind of
    attack this ultimate move is
[15:52] Tae
    and how to perfect it, right?
[15:54] Gin
    Read some more, Pachi-boy.
[15:58] Shin
    Let's see...
[16:00] F
    The Evil Holy Sword Let's
    Dancing All Night (etc.) is...
[16:04] Shin
    If you can't be bothered to write it,
[16:06] Shin
    don't give it such a long
    name in the first place!
[16:08] F
    ...the Tendo Mushin Ryu's deepest
    and most powerful technique,
[16:11] F
    a secret ultimate move that can only*
    be passed down to the rightful heir.
[16:14] F
    No matter what, you mustn't let anyone
    else know about this technique.
[16:18] Shin
    Sorry, they've already found out.
[16:19] F
    Because it has such massive power,
    it could change the very nature of the world.
[16:25] Shin
    I-It's that powerful?
[16:28] F
    I shall write down the instructions
    to that technique here.
SIGN    How to use the ultimate move Defend against an enemy attack, and then...
[16:34] Shin
    What's with this code?
[16:36] Kon
    First press the d-pad from down to the side,
    and then press the sword button.
[16:40] Shin
    It's just a fighting game command!
[16:43] Shin
    Your son doesn't have such buttons!
[16:45] Gin
    No, this might make things
    easier to understand.
[16:49] Gin
    It's likely that
[16:50] Gin
    pressing down to side on the d-pad
    and then the sword button refers to
[16:53] Gin
    taking a lowered stance with your
    sword still in its scabbard,
[16:56] Gin
    and then drawing it out in one fell swoop.
[16:59] Gin
    In other words, you sidestep
    the enemy's attack
[17:02] Gin
    and take that opening to land
    a counter sword-drawing art.
[17:04] Shin
    How can you understand that
    much from this stupid scroll?
[17:07] Gin
    Because my secret ultimate move,
[17:08] Gin
    "Stealing Someone Else's Pudding At Night,"
[17:11] Gin
    is down to side on the d-pad
    and then the punch button,
SIGN    Punch
[17:14] Gin
    practically the same thing.
[17:15] Shin
    Why is your shitty ultimate
    move so similar to ours?
[17:18] Kag
    My secret ultimate move, the Pudding Counter,
[17:24] Kag
    is down to side on the d-pad
    and then the pudding button.
SIGN    Pudding
[17:27] Shin
    What the hell is a pudding button?
[17:28] Shin
    How are you guys using the
    P button for different things?!
[17:30] Kyu
    Anyway, you have no choice
    but to give it a shot.
[17:32] Kyu
    I'll attack you, so try hitting
    me with a full-blooded counter.
[17:37] G
    Round one.
[17:39] G
    Fight!
[17:40] Shin
    Why the fighting game visuals?
[17:41] Gin
    Never mind that, Pachi-boy.
    Just press down and take your stance.
[17:44] Shin
    L-Like this?
[17:47] Gin
    Look at this blue gauge.
[17:49] Gin
    It's the glasses gauge.
[17:50] Shin
    What the hell is a glasses gauge?
[17:52] Gin
    Until this glasses gauge is full,
[17:54] Gin
    Pachi-boy's glasses won't have the
    right strength, sealing his attacks.
[17:57] Gin
    Hang in there.
[17:57] Shin
    Just how difficult is Pachi-boy to use?!
[17:59] Kyu
    Mankyou Tentsugan!
[18:02] Kyu**
    Mankyou Tentsugan!
[18:05] Shin**
    The Mankyou Tentsugan has turned
    into a completely different attack!
[18:08] Shin**
    It's as lame as Zangief's moves!
[18:11] Kyu
    Mankyou Tentsugan!
[18:14] Kyu**
    Mankyou Tentsugan!
[18:16] Shin**
    That's Mankyou Tentsugan, too?
[18:18] Kyu**
    Mankyou Tentsugan opens my
    lost left eye, the Shingan,
[18:23] Kyu**
    and turns all my attacks
    into OHKO ultimate moves.
[18:26] Shin
    That's way too OP!
[18:27] Kyu
    Can you take my attacks?!
[18:31] Gin
    The glasses gauge is full, Shinpachi.
[18:33] Kag
    Now! Hit her with a counter!
SIGN    D... Don't touch me...
[18:40] Shin
    Why?!
[18:42] Shin
    Never mind countering, I got KOed
    instantly just by touching her!
[18:45] Kyu
    F-Forgive me.
[18:46] Kyu
    I hadn't considered the possibility
    of you touching my body.
[18:49] Shin
    Now we know our ultimate
    move can't defeat her!
[18:52] Kon
    Shinpachi-kun, I'll use moves
    that are easy to block,
[18:56] Kon
    so you can relax and hit
    me with your counters.
[18:59] G
    Round two.
[19:01] G
    Fight!
[19:02] Kon
    Testicles!
[19:05] Shin
    Like I could ever touch such
    a filthy Dhalsim attack!
SIGN    Could you leave?
[19:10] Shin
    What are you guys doing?
[19:12] Shin
    I haven't done anything yet!
[19:14] Gin
    What am I gonna do with you?
[19:17] Gin
    Take your stance.
[19:18] Gin
    I'll half-ass some attacks.
[19:20] Shin
    O-Okay.
[19:22] N
    Round three.
[19:24] N
    Fight!
[19:26] Gin
    That's it. Endure.
[19:28] Gin
    Wait for an opening.
[19:30] Gin
    Now's your chance. Bring it!
SIGN    Unless you break through my Evil Holy Sword Let's Dancing All Night (etc.), you don't stand a chance!!
[19:38] Shin
    You're gonna use the ultimate move?!
[19:40] Shin
    How'd you master it already?!
[19:43] Gin
    Because it was simple.
[19:44] Shin
    Only the rightful heir can inherit
    that, you know! Take a hint!
[19:46] Gin
    It's not just me.
[19:48] Gin
    While you were messing about,
    everybody learned how to use it.
[19:52] Kag
    We even learned how to block it!
[19:54] Tae
    My turn next!
[19:57] Kyu
    Also, we figured out how to
    block the block, Shinpachi-kun.
[20:02] Tae
    There's a way to block the block
    of the block, too, Shin-chan.
[20:07] Gin
    And there's a way to block the block
    of the block of the block, Pachi-boy.
[20:14] Kyu
    A way to block the block of the
    block of the block of the block
[20:19] Kyu
    does not exist, Shinpachi-kun.
[20:28] Shin
    Father.
[20:30] Shin
    The ultimate move you spent
    your whole life creating
[20:33] Shin
    can be used by anyone, apparently.
[20:37] Shin
    Only the rightful heir was
    supposed to inherit it,
[20:39] Shin
    but everyone's crunching
    it up like some snack.
[20:42] Shin
    Why didn't you make it harder to use?
[20:47] Shin
    If an ultimate move can
    be used by one and all,
[20:49] Shin
    can it really be called an ultimate move?
[20:52] Shin
    I thought it'd be something
    only I could use, and yet...
[20:56] Shin
    I can't preserve your dojo
    with a move like this—
SIGN    Once you learn that move, depart for the designated location.
[21:03] F
    Once you learn that move,
    depart for the designated location.
[21:08] Shin
    There was more!
[21:10] F
    It will be a harsh journey.
[21:13] F
    You may feel discouraged at times.
[21:16] F
    You may feel as if you cannot succeed.
[21:19] F
    But no matter the difficulty,
[21:22] F
    you can overcome it with this ultimate move.
[21:25] F
    And at the end of the long journey,
[21:29] F
    you will surely find
[21:32] F
    the two fruits key to this ultimate move:
[21:36] F
    cacao and macadamia.
[21:39] F
    Blend those two together,
[21:41] F
    and you'll produce the ultimate
    sweet, irresistible to all.
[21:46] F
    Use it as bait to create
    an opening in your enemy.
[21:48] F
    That is the...
[21:51] F
    Evil Holy Sword Let's Dancing All Night
[21:53] F
    Rising Special Ultra Miracle
[21:55] F
    Super Mario Brothers Second Edition
[21:57] F
    Luigi's Counterattack Director's Cut!
[22:02] Shin
    There'll be chocolate next
    week, too, so please come.
[22:09] Gin
    He's his father's son, all right.
SIGN    The Two Apes
[23:43] Hij
    Next Episode: "The Two Apes."
SIGN    The Stalker Gorilla, Kondo Isao,
SIGN    was taken under the wing of a famous thief? Even though he's a cop?
SIGN    While he's undergoing thief training, the story takes an unexpected turn.
SIGN    What's in Kondo's past that even Hijikata wasn't aware of?

E293 - The Two Apes

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:01] G
    You moron!
[00:04] G
    I've had it with your incompetence.
    I'm disowning you!
[00:07] G
    You're never setting foot in this dojo again!
[00:10] Kon
    Music to my ears.
[00:11] Kon
    I'll be glad to not have to
    inherit this run-down dojo.
[00:16] G
    Is that so?
[00:18] G
    I bet a rascal like you is more suited
    to thievery than teaching swordsmanship,
[00:23] G
    Isao!
[02:06] Kon
    Huh? Where am I?
SIGN    Gorilla Isao's request: Watch this program in a bright
    room and at a safe distance from your TV!!
[02:12] Kon
    Damn. I can't believe I fell
    asleep during my patrol.
[02:18] Kon
    That's right. I'm on my patrol.
[02:20] Kon
    I'm definitely not a stalker.
[02:26] E
    Impressive.
[02:28] Kon
    Who goes there?
[02:29] Kon
    I like your agility, and your
    ability to hide your presence.
[02:34] Kon
    With your skills, becoming a notorious
    thief wouldn't be a pipe dream.
[02:38] Kon
    What do you say?
[02:40] Kon
    Would you like to succeed me
    and become the second Ape Boy?
SIGN    The Two Apes
[02:55] Hij
    Kondo-san.
[02:58] Hij
    What were you up to last night?
[03:01] Hij
    Our old friend showed up again.
    Things got pretty crazy.
SIGN    Oedo Financing
[03:06] Hij
    As usual, the victims were loan sharks.
SIGN    Ape Boy was here.
[03:08] Hij
    The brilliant MO of acrobatically
    stealing from the targets
[03:11] Hij
    while simultaneously
    exposing their evil deeds,
[03:14] Hij
    the beast-like agility,
[03:17] Hij
    and the practice of turning
    the stolen goods into bananas
[03:21] Hij
    and distributing them to the poor...
[03:24] Hij
    It's the Ape Boy.
[03:26] Hij
    The notorious thief who'd been laying
    low for a while is back in action.
[03:30] (Flashback) Gin
    Wait, what's the meaning of this?
[03:33] Hij
    Some call him chivalrous
    or heroic and idolize him,
[03:36] Hij
    but a thief's a thief.
[03:39] Hij
    We'd better catch him quickly.
[03:42] Kon
    Yeah. I swear on the Shinsengumi's
    honor that I'll definitely catch...
[03:47] Kon
    ...that monkey's tail.
[03:52] E
    I'm amazed you mastered a monkey's
    movements in such a short time.
[03:58] E
    You have the innate talent
    to be a robber and a monkey.
[04:01] Kon
    I can't tell him!
[04:03] Kon
    I can't tell him I'm a cop!
[04:05] Kon
    I can't tell anyone that a thief
    took me, a cop, under his wing!
SIGN    Japanese Macaque
[04:09] Kon
    But I'm too embarrassed to tell
    him I was simply a stalker!
[04:13] Kon
    W-Wait up, Gramps!
[04:16] Kon
    I-I'm actually a...
[04:18] E
    No need to say it.
    Did you think I hadn't noticed?
[04:21] E
    You can't be a thief unless you
    have a keen, observing eye.
[04:27] E
    You're a wild gorilla, aren't you?
[04:29] Kon
    No, that's not it!
[04:30] E
    Relax. Gorillas are like brothers to monkeys.
[04:33] E
    You can be Ape Boy, no problem.
[04:35] Kon
    That's not the issue here!
[04:36] E
    You're saying it's weird to
    call a gorilla a boy, right?
[04:39] E
    You can get a name change to
    "Gorilla Man (Large)" if you want, then.
[04:42] Kon
    That'd just make me a large
    man who looks like a gorilla!
[04:44] Kon
    A-Anyway, there's a reason
    why I can't succeed you—
[04:49] Hij
    You two there. What are you doing?
[04:53] Kon
    T-Toshi!
[04:55] Hij
    I came to check 'cause I heard some suspicious
    men were trespassing here every night,
[04:58] Hij
    and what do I find but
    a monkey boss in hiding?
[05:01] Kon
    This sucks!
[05:02] Kon
    If I get caught here, my life will be ruined!
[05:05] E
    Talk about a perfect situation for training.
[05:08] E
    Let's go, Gori Boy.
[05:09] Kon
    Wait a minute!
[05:10] E
    Rules of Thievery, No. 1:
[05:12] E
    Consider darkness your friend,
    and light your enemy.
[05:17] E
    Target the enemy's lights!
[05:19] Kon
    Screw it.
[05:20] Kon
    Whatever!
[05:25] G
    Vice Chief!
[05:27] Kon
    Toshi!
[05:29] E
    Taking away not their light,
    but their sight? You're good.
[05:34] Hij
    Damn those apes! I'm gonna
    turn them into monkey hotpot!
[05:37] E
    Rules of Thievery, No. 2:
[05:39] E
    Howl with the wind, and stop with the wind.
[05:44] E
    Use every kind of sound
    to conceal your actions!
[05:46] Kon
    Easier said than done!
[05:48] E
    If you can't use the wind, make some
    kind of noise to distract them.
[05:53] Kon
    I've got it. I'll throw a stone at that cage!
[06:01] Kon
    Toshi!
[06:03] E
    Using the sound of the
    enemy's bones breaking?
[06:06] E
    I've never thought of that before!
[06:09] Kon
    Wait, wait. I'm innocent, Toshi!
[06:12] E
    Last rule of thievery!
    This is the most important one!
[06:15] Hij
    Hold it right there!
[06:18] Hij
    I'm not letting you escape!
[06:21] Kon
    Toshi?!
[06:22] E
    If no amount of running can save you,
[06:25] E
    then abandon your friends and
    everything you're carrying!
[06:27] Kon
    Huh?
[06:28] Kon
    What?!
[06:30] Kon
    Wait—
[06:32] Hij
    This is the end for you,
[06:33] Hij
    you damn apes!
[06:43] Kon
    I abandoned my friends and everything I had.
[06:47] E
    You're incredible.
[06:48] E
    You trained gorillas to act
    as your sacrificial pawns?
[06:51] E
    There's no doubt about it.
[06:53] E
    You'll surely be able to...
[06:55] E
    succeed...
[06:57] Kon
    H-Hey, Gramps?
[07:00] Kon
    Gramps!
[07:07] E
    Guess I went too wild for someone my age.
[07:11] Kon
    Gramps, are you...
[07:14] E
    Yeah.
[07:15] E
    At best,
[07:17] E
    I'll only last a month...
[07:19] Kon
    Oh my God.
[07:21] Kon
    He's serious.
[07:22] Kon
    He's seriously trying to make me succeed him.
[07:26] Kon
    From now on,
[07:29] Kon
    you have to distribute bananas
    as the second Ape Boy, okay?
[07:34] Kon
    It's like this is his dying wish!
[07:36] Kon
    It's getting even harder to refuse!
[07:39] E
    The government's lapdogs
    will probably catch me soon.
[07:42] E
    After all the bad things I've done,
[07:44] E
    it's only right that I breathe
    my last behind bars.
[07:48] E
    When that time comes,
[07:52] E
    offer bananas over there in my stead.
SIGN    Hiyoshi Monkey
    God Shrine
[07:57] E
    It's the second Ape Boy's job.
[08:00] E
    I'm counting on you.
[08:14] Kon
    Hands off, apes!
[08:16] Kon
    These are offerings!
[08:17] Kon
    Don't underestimate a gorilla's grip.
    I'll crush you to bits!
[08:21] Kon
    Is this it? The Monkey God
    that the old man worships?
[08:25] Kon
    Huh? Where have I...
[08:28] Hij
    Do you find it unusual?
[08:30] Hij
    Monkeys have long been considered
    the familiars of Hiyoshigami.
[08:33] Hij
    There are more than a few
    places that worship them.
[08:36] Kon
    Toshi! What are you doing—
[08:38] Hij
    We both chased a monkey here, right?
[08:44] Kon
    Y-Yeah, that's right!
[08:46] Kon
    I was investigating Ape Boy on my
    own, and the trail led me here.
[08:48] Kon
    But first, how'd you get those wounds?
[08:50] Kon
    Who did that to you?
[08:51] Kon
    They'll pay for this! I'll make them pay!
[08:55] Hij
    Oh, I just played along with
    an undercover investigation.
[09:00] Hij
    I had no idea you were capable
    of such masterful acting.
[09:05] Hij
    I almost wanted to kill you.
[09:08] Hij
    And was it really an
    undercover investigation?
[09:11] Hij
    What if it wasn't? Tell me it was.
[09:14] Hij
    That was an undercover investigation, right?
[09:16] Kon
    O-Of course!
[09:18] Kon
    Never heard of the saying, "To deceive
    your enemy, first deceive your Toshi"?
[09:21] W
    My, my. Not every day we
    have so much commotion here.
[09:26] W
    What brings you to this rundown shrine
    that doesn't even have a priest anymore?
[09:30] W
    Could you be the one leaving bananas
    and money here every now and then?
[09:35] Hij
    Gran, that's not a monkey.
[09:38] Hij
    Someone comes here to offer money?
[09:40] W
    Yes. Not that I've ever seen him.
[09:43] W
    How eccentric.
[09:45] W
    But thanks to him, the Monkey God
    revived after being burned down once.
[09:49] Hij
    Burned down? Was there a fire?
[09:51] W
    It happened a long time ago.
[09:53] W
    Back then, the priest gathered the
    neighborhood kids and ran a temple school,
[09:57] W
    but there was this one problem child.
[10:00] W
    He was a rowdy kid and a serial thief.
[10:02] W
    There were even rumors that
    he was raised by monkeys.
[10:07] W
    But he stopped stealing once the
    priest took him under his wing.
[10:13] W
    He was a kind man, you see.
[10:15] W
    That very kindness would
    prove to be his downfall,
[10:17] W
    as loan sharks took advantage of it
[10:19] W
    and took away not only the
    shrine, but also the children.
[10:23] W
    The problem child tried to
    repay his debt to the priest
[10:27] W
    by charging into their base and stealing
    the kids and the deed to the shrine.
[10:31] W
    But the sharks took their revenge,
[10:34] W
    razing the shrine to the ground.
[10:40] Hij
    What happened to that problem child?
[10:42] W
    Who knows?
[10:43] W
    I haven't seen him since.
[10:46] Hij
    Hear that, Kondo-san?
[10:49] Hij
    As we thought, this place
    is connected to the Ape Boy.
[10:54] Hij
    That problem child has to be
[10:57] Hij
    him.
[10:59] Kon
    Toshi, you're wrong.
[11:00] Kon
    I think that kid...
[11:04] (Flashback) W
    I hear that brat was up to no good again.
[11:06] (Flashback) W
    Apparently he stole radishes
    from Takosaku-san's farm.
[11:09] (Flashback) W
    What a horrible child.
[11:11] (Flashback) W
    They say he was raised by monkeys.
[11:15] (Flashback) E
    Don't let it get to you.
[11:17] (Flashback) E
    You're not a monkey.
[11:20] (Flashback) E
    If anything, you're a gorilla,
[11:22] (Flashback) E
    Isao.
[11:23] (Flashback) Kon
    I'm not even human?!
[11:27] Kon
    ...was probably me.
[11:31] Kon
    I thought this place looked familiar.
[11:34] Kon
    I see.
[11:35] Kon
    It was rebuilt after the fire, huh?
[11:36] Hij
    Why'd you show up in the story?!
[11:39] Kon
    Well, I was made to attend both
    the dojo and the temple school.
[11:44] Kon
    Rather than a problem child, I was
    just going through my thorny phase.
[11:46] Kon
    Everything about the world turned me on.
[11:49] Hij
    Thorny? More like horny!
[11:52] Kon
    For some reason, radishes
    got me especially aroused.
[11:54] Kon
    I didn't steal.
[11:55] Kon
    I was just yanking them all out.
[11:58] Kon
    And yet they called me a monkey's child...
[12:00] Hij
    Yanking? You mean wanking!
[12:04] W
    Wait, are you Isao-kun?
[12:08] Kon
    I thought it might be you...
[12:10] Hij
    Wait, do you know each other?
    Was she your teacher?
[12:13] Hij
    Loan Shark lady!
[12:15] W
    Isao-kun!
[12:17] Hij
    You're having a touching reunion with
    the one who burned down your school?
[12:20] W
    You got it all wrong.
[12:21] W
    I was the class madonna,
    Kori Hanako, a.k.a. Loanie Sharko.
SIGN    Kori Hanako (Loanie Sharko)
[12:24] W
    You're as bad with names as ever, I see.
[12:26] Hij
    How'd a classmate age so much?!
[12:28] Hij
    Also, that's not Kondo-san!
[12:31] Kon
    Sorry, sorry.
[12:31] Hij
    And you haven't gotten over radishes yet?!
[12:34] Hij
    Hey! In the end, who is Ape Boy?
[12:37] Hij
    Did this shrine have nothing to do with him?
[12:40] Kon
    Nah.
[12:42] Kon
    The answer is clear to see.
[12:45] Kon
    There was one person who loved this place,
[12:47] Kon
    and worshipped the Monkey
    God, more than anyone.
[12:55] Kon
    None other than Sensei.
[13:02] (Flashback) E
    Who cares if they call you
    a monkey or a gorilla?
[13:05] (Flashback) E
    Look.
[13:07] (Flashback) E
    You need only be like the Sun Monkey God,
[13:09] (Flashback) E
    and become a man as warm as sunshine.
[13:14] (Flashback) Kon
    Can I? Am I really capable of that?
[13:17] (Flashback) E
    You can.
[13:19] (Flashback) E
    In this school, you definitely can.
[13:23] (Flashback) E
    So don't steal anymore.
[13:28] (Flashback) G
    Sensei!
[13:31] (Flashback) L
    If you won't hand over the land,
    then you leave us no choice.
[13:34] (Flashback) L
    Come by when you've made up your mind
    to trade the shrine for these kids,
[13:38] (Flashback) L
    Sensei.
[13:46] (Flashback) G
    Isao-kun!
[13:47] (Flashback) Kon
    What are you doing? Run away already!
SIGN    Hiyoshi Shrine Deed
[13:53] (Flashback) G
    The deed!
[14:03] (Flashback) G
    S-Sorry, Sensei. We...
[14:09] (Flashback) E
    Don't tell Isao... about this.
[14:12] (Flashback) E
    You haven't done anything to apologize for.
[14:18] (Flashback) E
    You simply tried to protect this
    place in the Monkey God's stead.
[14:22] (Flashback) E
    I'm the one who must apologize.
[14:26] (Flashback) E
    Forgive me.
[14:28] (Flashback) E
    I'm no teacher or Monkey God.
[14:32] (Flashback) E
    Just a powerless ape.
[14:39] W
    I still can't forget Sensei's
    expression from back then.
[14:44] W
    Even he disappeared somewhere after that.
[14:48] G
    How much longer, Sensei?
[14:50] W
    Oh, dear.
[14:52] Hij
    Looks like his temple school was still going.
[14:56] Hij
    Even after losing everything
    and becoming Ape Boy,
[15:01] Hij
    he hid his identity and the source of the money
[15:04] Hij
    and continued to protect this place.
[15:09] Kon
    It's not just the shrine.
[15:11] Kon
    Sensei...
[15:15] (Flashback) G
    Where are you going?
[15:17] (Flashback) G
    He said he didn't want you
    coming to the shrine anymore.
[15:21] (Flashback) G
    Said he doesn't want a hooligan
    like you coming around.
[15:28] G
    Sensei was protecting me, too.
[15:31] G
    And to do it, he even dabbled in
    the thievery he despised so much.
[15:35] Hij
    That might be his way of atoning for his sins.
[15:40] Hij
    But things can't stay like this.
[15:43] Hij
    We've gotta end this.
[15:48] Kon
    What crimes did he commit?
[15:50] Kon
    All he did was protect the people
    being oppressed by villains!
[15:56] Kon
    More than that, Sensei
    doesn't have much time left.
[16:01] Kon
    We could at least let him
    breathe his last in peace—
[16:03] Hij
    You're saying that?
[16:06] Hij
    After making a promise to him,
[16:09] Hij
    are you really going to say that?
[16:13] Kon
    Toshi...
[16:15] Kon
    I...
[16:20] Hij
    What's up?
[16:22] Hij
    What? The Ape Boy?
[16:28] P
    Find him! Sniff him out!
[16:38] E
    How the mighty have fallen.
[16:40] E
    Looks like a bunch of rides are here
    to pick me up earlier than expected.
[16:45] E
    But I still have something to do—
[16:49] G
    No need to worry, Gramps.
[16:52] G
    We're not letting the
    officials have your head.
[17:01] C
    The Ape Boy showed up again.
[17:03] C
    By the time we got here, it was too late.
[17:05] Hij
    You even let the small fry get away?
[17:08] Hij
    Get your white robes ready.
[17:11] Hij
    Check all the shady financiers in the area.
    There has to be an accomplice somewhere.
[17:15] C
    About that...
[17:16] C
    Every single one of them
    is completely deserted.
[17:21] C
    It would appear they joined forces and placed
    traps all over Edo to capture Ape Boy.
[17:28] C
    At this point, we police aren't
    the only ones chasing him.
[17:31] C
    Criminals all over Edo are after his head.
[17:36] Hij
    Step on it!
[17:39] Hij
    Kondo-san...
[17:41] Hij
    Policeman, or a thief's disciple...
[17:43] Hij
    Feel free to pick whichever you want.
[17:46] Hij
    Wherever you go, I...
[17:49] Hij
    We're ready to follow in your footsteps.
[17:55] (Flashback) Kon
    I get it, Dad.
[17:57] (Flashback) Kon
    I won't ask about the shrine anymore.
[18:01] (Flashback) Kon
    In the end, I couldn't protect a thing, right?
[18:06] (Flashback) Kon
    But in return, I have a favor to ask.
[18:10] (Flashback) Kon
    I want to be strong.
[18:12] (Flashback) Kon
    Strong enough to protect everything.
[18:19] Hij
    One monkey defied his own teachings and
[18:23] Hij
    became a notorious thief to
    protect all that he cared about.
[18:28] Hij
    The other monkey
[18:30] Hij
    adhered to his teachings and became a
    policeman to protect all that he cared about.
[18:37] G
    Wh-Who are you?
[18:40] Hij
    That's the only difference between you two.
[18:43] Hij
    Both of you tried to protect
    something as simply...
[18:47] Kon
    An ape.
[18:55] G
    He took out the lights!
[18:57] G
    Q-Quit freaking out!
[18:58] G
    There's only one enemy. Get him!
[19:08] G
    Wh-What's going on here? Is he really alone?
[19:16] G
    What are you doing?
    Turn on the light already!
[19:19] G
    What's wrong?
[19:28] G
    Y-You bastards...
[19:30] G
    You can't be a cop or a thief
    unless you have good night vision.
[19:35] G
    But petty thieves like you,
    who simply prey on the weak,
[19:43] G
    have no right to live in the day or night!
[19:46] Kon
    Throw them all behind bars!
[19:55] Kon
    Hey, Gramps!
[19:57] Kon
    Pull yourself together!
[19:58] Kon
    Can you hear me? Can you see me?
[20:00] Kon
    Gramps!
[20:01] E
    I can't see a thing...
[20:06] Kon
    Gramps!
[20:07] E
    But I recognize that annoying voice.
[20:12] E
    I'm amazed you overcame that
    numerical disadvantage.
[20:15] E
    That's the second Ape Boy for you.
[20:21] Kon
    Weren't you the one who taught
    me the rules of thievery?
[20:26] Kon
    But I'm sorry.
[20:28] Kon
    I couldn't abandon my friends, after all.
[20:33] Kon
    I couldn't leave you as a thief.
[20:38] Kon
    I'm a failure as a disciple.
[20:42] E
    You're not a failure at all.
[20:44] E
    I was also the one who taught
    you not to steal, wasn't I?
[20:49] E
    You came to stop me this time, right?
[20:55] E
    I knew all along.
[20:59] E
    A nincompoop like you could never be a thief.
[21:04] E
    But you've grown into a fine man,
[21:08] E
    Isao.
[21:11] E
    Now, cuff me before I die,
[21:15] E
    with your own hands.
[21:18] Kon
    What are you talking
    about, you senile geezer?
[21:22] Kon
    I've had you cuffed for a long time now.
[21:28] Kon
    I'm not letting you escape
    anymore, you hear me?
[21:36] Kon
    Sensei...
[21:40] E
    That so?
[21:42] E
    These sure are some
[21:45] E
    warm... cuffs...
[22:55] G
    Sensei!
[22:56] G
    Look, there are offerings again!
[22:58] G
    But we missed him again!
[23:00] G
    And here we wanted to find
    out who he was this time...
[23:03] W
    This isn't a human's doing.
[23:05] G
    What? Is it a demon?
[23:07] G
    A monster monkey?
[23:08] G
    A Saiyan?!
[23:10] W
    It's nothing like that.
[23:15] W
    Welcome home,
[23:18] W
    Monkey God.
SIGN    Afros of Life and Death
[23:35] Gin
    Infiltrate the Shinsengumi? Seriously?
[23:38] Kat
    A samurai is always serious, whether
    he has straight long hair or an afro.
SIGN    Preview
[23:42] Gin
    And you're telling me a new character
    shows up 294 episodes in?
[23:46] Kat
    I won't lose, no matter what
    kind of afro may appear!
SIGN    When Katsura Kotaro infiltrates the Shinsengumi,
SIGN    finally, at long last, after what seems like an eternity,
SIGN    the Shinsengumi Third Squad Captain, Saito Shimaru, appears before him!!
SIGN    Actually, his name's been mentioned in the show for quite a while now.

E294 - Afros of Life and Death

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Special Police Shinsengumi
SIGN    Shinsengumi Recruitment Exam
SIGN    Shinsengumi Recruitment Exam
SIGN    The Shinsengumi's request: Please watch this program
    in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV.
[01:39] G
    P-Point! The match is over!
[01:43] G
    Wow, just who is that newcomer?
[01:46] G
    He's gone through thirty opponents now.
[01:48] G
    If he's that good, he'll
    be an immediate asset.
[01:50] G
    A real monster has arrived.
[01:54] Kon
    Looks like we've got ourselves a
    pretty spirited newcomer this time.
[01:58] Kon
    I can't believe there was still such
    a masterful free agent out there.
[02:02] Kon
    Toshi, who is he?
[02:05] Hij
    Uh, how is this read?
[02:08] Hij
    Hashira...
[02:09] Kon
    ...Afuro?
[02:10] Hij
    Nah, it's probably "Afro."
[02:13] Kat
    It's not Afro. It's Katsura!
[02:17] Kat
    Crap! I slipped!
[02:19] Hij
    "It's not Afro, it's Katsura," huh?
[02:22] Hij
    I feel like I've heard that phrase before.
[02:25] Hij
    Also, you look kinda familiar...
[02:28] Kon
    Stop it, Toshi.
[02:29] Kon
    He means that while his name's Afro,
[02:31] Kon
    that's a wig, a "katsura," on his head.
[02:34] Kon
    Don't pry too much.
[02:35] Hij
    But...
[02:36] Oki
    That aside,
[02:37] Oki
    mind if I take him on next?
[02:40] Oki
    It's about time we taught him
    how tough the Shinsengumi are.
[02:42] Hij
    Did you forget already,
    you sadistic instructor?
[02:45] Hij
    Just the other day, you
    rendered all our new recruits
[02:47] Hij
    useless in the name of training or whatever.
[02:49] Hij
    Instead, we should interview him and
    run a thorough background check...
[02:52] Oki
    Oh?
[02:56] Oki
    Now this is unusual.
[02:57] Oki
    Looks like this has fired up
    someone far scarier than me.
[03:01] Oki
    Rejoice, new guy.
[03:05] Oki
    He says he'll accept you into
    his squad without an interview...
[03:17] Oki
    If you can defeat Shinsengumi
    Third Squad Captain,
[03:20] Oki
    Saito Shimaru.
SIGN    Shinsengumi Third Squad Captain Saito Shimaru
SIGN    Wolf of Afro
[03:23] Oki
    Shimaru-niisan, the man feared as the Wolf of Afro, or "Wolfro."
SIGN    Wolfro
SIGN    Afros of Life and Death
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
SIGN    Snack Otose
[03:37] Gin
    Huh? What are you doing?
[03:40] Kat
    Infiltrating the Shinsengumi to
    make them crumble from the inside...
[03:46] Gin
    ...was the plan, but they beat
    you up and threw you out?
SIGN    Sugar Content
[03:49] Gin
    Zura, you should first realize that
    you're crumbling on the inside yourself.
[03:55] Shin
    Still, he beat up Katsura-san so badly.
[03:58] Shin
    Just who is this Third Squad Captain?
[04:01] Kag
    You lost the moment you resorted to
    cheap tricks like infiltration, Zura.
[04:06] Kat
    Leader...
[04:08] Kat
    I'm not Zura.
[04:09] Kat
    I'm the Special Vice Captain
    of the Third Squad,
[04:11] Kat
    Hashira Afuro!
[04:12] Shin
    Katsura-san?!
[04:15] Kat
    Did you really think I'd
    lose to a bakufu lapdog?
[04:18] Kat
    We exchanged blows for an hour,
[04:20] Kat
    but if Kondo hadn't stopped us,
    it wouldn't have ended in a draw.
[04:24] Kat
    I was exhausted due to fighting
    thirty straight battles before,
[04:27] Kat
    felt alienated in unfamiliar territory,
[04:28] Kat
    had the afro wig prickling me,
[04:30] Kat
    was wrought by anxieties about my future,
[04:31] Kat
    and irritated by a mouth ulcer.
[04:32] Kat
    Had it not been for those,
    I would've won for sure.
[04:35] Gin
    Just how many excuses have you got?
[04:36] Gin
    You barely escaped with a draw, didn't you?
[04:39] Kat
    That said, he was an
    opponent worthy of respect.
[04:42] Kat
    He was so skilled, even Okita
    had high praise for him.
[04:45] Oki
    I'm impressed that you fought
    Shimaru-niisan on equal footing.
[04:49] Oki
    While you didn't win, your
    abilities are on par with mine.
[04:53] Oki
    You pass.
[04:54] Oki
    And Shimaru-niisan said he wouldn't hold
    your stealing his afro gimmick against you.
[04:58] Shin
    He picked a fight for such a stupid reason?!
[05:00] Kat
    Most of all, he had a
    shockingly discerning eye.
[05:02] Kat
    He recognized my talents and made
    me his vice captain out of the blue.
SIGN    Third Squad Saito Shimaru Hashira Afuro
[05:05] Kat
    He's no ordinary man.
[05:06] Shin
    There are only two members!
[05:08] Shin
    Why was this captain the only
    person in the squad he's running?!
[05:10] Kat
    It's not that he was the only one,
[05:12] Kat
    but rather that he was the
    only one cut out for it.
[05:15] Kat
    Unlike other squads, to maintain Edo's
    public order is not the Third Squad's job.
[05:19] Kat
    Due to its special duties,
[05:21] Kat
    it's feared as the "Silent Squad."
[05:25] Kat
    Excuse me.
[05:27] Kat
    I'm Hashira Afuro, and I am
    part of the squad as of today.
[05:31] Kat
    It's a pleasure to work
    with you, Captain Saito.
SIGN    Toilet
[06:27] Sai
    Zed...
[06:31] Sai
    Zed...
[06:34] Kat
    S-So this is the Silent Squad?!
[06:36] Shin
    It just has nothing to do!
[06:38] Kat
    On top of being a man of few words,
    I believe he's also a foreigner.
[06:41] Kat
    All he ever said was "zed."
[06:43] Shin
    Those weren't zeds!
[06:44] Shin
    They were just the Zs of his snoring!
[06:46] Shin
    And all he did was take a dump and sleep!
[06:48] Shin
    Special duties, my foot!
[06:49] Kat
    That's not all.
[06:51] Oki
    Don't take it the wrong way.
[06:53] Oki
    Shimaru-niisan may have flashy hair,
    but he's extraordinarily shy.
[06:57] Oki
    I'm closer to him than most, but the last
    time I heard his voice was two years ago,
[07:01] Oki
    when he was holding up the
    line at a convenience store.
[07:05] (Flashback) Oki
    Sorry about that, everyone.
[07:07] (Flashback) Oki
    Please heat up the lunch box.
[07:09] (Flashback) Oki
    Is that okay, Shimaru-niisan?
[07:11] (Flashback) Sai
    Zed...
[07:13] Kat
    ...was his only reply, apparently.
[07:14] Shin
    In the end, he didn't say anything at all!
[07:17] Shin
    He can't even buy a lunch box! Of course
    a captain so quiet would end up alone!
[07:20] Shin
    Everyone else must've run away
    'cause they couldn't deal with him!
[07:22] Kat
    That's not it.
[07:24] Kat
    As things stood, my infiltration
    would've been for naught.
[07:27] Kat
    So I started making contact with him in a
    bid to gain influence in the third squad...
[07:33] Kat
    Zed?
[07:35] Sai
    Zed.
[07:36] Kat
    Zed!
[07:37] Sai
    Zed...
[07:38] Kat
    But no matter what I said,
    I only got Zs in reply.
[07:42] Shin
    All you said was Zs, too!
[07:44] Kat
    Captain Wolfro doesn't
    just take dumps all day.
[07:48] Kat
    He was always working on
    some sort of document.
[07:54] Kat
    When he was in the toilet, I checked it out...
[08:01] Shin
    A diary?
[08:02] Shin
    That silent guy was writing a diary?
[08:04] Kat
    "Today, a new recruit joined my Third Squad.
[08:07] Kat
    The Shinsengumi doesn't
    have room for two afroz.
[08:10] Kat
    I considered eliminating him,
[08:11] Kat
    but it's a fact that the Third
    Squad needs more memberz."
[08:14] Shin
    What's with the Zs?
[08:15] Shin
    Does he end every sentence with Zs?!
[08:17] Kat
    "I have no choice but to let him join...
[08:19] Kat
    ...zzzzzzzzzz."
[08:20] Shin
    He dozed off!
[08:21] Shin
    Even in his diary, he
    wraps things up with Zs?!
[08:24] Kat
    All it took was one look to
    realize that I could use this.
[08:27] Shin
    Oh, an exchange diary?
[08:30] Shin
    Even if he gets tongue-tied easily, you might
    still be able to communicate on paper.
SIGN    Write this part with more flourish. - Afuro-sensei
[08:33] Kat
    "Write this part with more flourish."
[08:36] Shin
    Who are you, a teacher with a red pen?!
[08:38] Shin
    Why are you criticizing his Zs?!
[08:40] Kat
    Starting an exchange diary
    out of nowhere is scary.
[08:43] Shin
    Playing a teacher with a
    red pen should be scarier!
[08:45] Kat
    After that, I found this entry.
SIGN    Hashira Afuro ¯
[08:49] Shin
    Huh? What is this?
[08:50] Shin
    What does it mean?
[08:51] Kat
    When I replied to that as such...
SIGN    Hashira Afuro ¯
SIGN    Boop Beep Bam Boom Chaka Boom Beep Boop Bow Boom Shakalaka - Prince of Cannock's Theme
[08:55] Shin
    What the hell are you writing
    down in someone's diary?!
[08:57] Kat
    ...I found this written the next day.
SIGN    Hashira Afuro 7
SIGN    Boop Beep Bam Boom Chaka Boom Beep Boop Bow Boom Shakalaka - Prince of Cannock's Theme
[09:02] Kat
    And the day after that...
SIGN    Hashira Afuro z
SIGN    Boop Beep Bam Boom Chaka Boom Beep Boop Bow Boom Shakalaka - Prince of Cannock's Theme
[09:05] Shin
    Wait a second.
[09:06] Shin
    This thing under your name...
[09:08] Shin
    He's trying to write "Z," isn't he?
[09:10] Shin
    What happens once it's complete?
[09:13] Kat
    When I took a closer look at
    the diary, I found this...
[09:18] Shin
    What the hell?!
[09:19] Shin
    You found something totally terrifying!
[09:22] Kat
    I checked,
[09:23] Kat
    and the names written there belonged
    to former members of the Third Squad.
[09:28] Kat
    They had all broken the Shinsengumi Code,
[09:31] Kat
    and were suspected of having
    shady links with Joi Rebels.
[09:35] Kat
    In other words, they were men who'd
    betrayed the Shinsengumi in some way.
[09:41] Kat
    And as is obvious from looking
    at the Third Squad now,
[09:44] Kat
    their names are all gone from the roster.
[09:48] Kat
    You get it by now, right?
[09:49] Kat
    Basically, the reason the
    Third Squad has no members
[09:52] Kat
    is because they were all purged by that man.
[09:57] Kat
    He deliberately recruited traitors into
    his squad and punished them in secret.
[10:01] Kat
    That's the secret behind the "Silent
    Squad," Shinsengumi Third Squad.
[10:09] Shin
    That means...
[10:11] Shin
    He knows who you are already!
[10:13] Shin
    Doesn't that mean he let you
    join so he could kill you?!
[10:16] Shin
    Doesn't that mean you'll be dead when
    the Z in the diary is completed?!
[10:20] Kat
    If he knew who I was, the Z
    would've been completed by now.
[10:24] Kat
    He probably only suspects me at the moment.
[10:27] Gin
    Zura.
[10:27] Gin
    You're free to be purged or become an afro,
[10:31] Gin
    but could you not bring me trouble?
[10:34] Gin
    I'll kill you, seriously.
[10:35] Kat
    What are you saying, Gintoki?
[10:36] Kat
    Sure, it's risky, but if I play my cards right,
[10:40] Kat
    I could use the Third Squad to purge the
    Shinsengumi brass in one fell swoop!
[10:55] Gin
    Hey, could this be...
[10:58] Shin
    It's already too late?!
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[11:09] Kat
    That silhouette which resembles
    a younger Tsurube II...
[11:13] Kat
    No doubt about it. It's Captain Wolfro.
[11:15] Kag
    Did he finally figure out who
    you are and come to kill you?
[11:18] Gin
    Do something about this.
[11:20] Gin
    At this rate, we'll be
    mistaken for terrorists, too.
[11:24] Kat
    What are you saying, Gintoki?
[11:26] Kat
    Aren't we afro bros, bound by frizzy hair?
[11:29] Gin
    Whose hair are you calling an afro?!
[11:33] ---
    Huh?
[11:36] Shin
    The afro silhouette's gone—
[11:38] Shin
    Eek! He broke in from the back?!
[11:41] Gin
    Hide Zura! Hide Zura!
[11:43] ---
    Wh-Who is you?!
[11:45] ---
    How dare you barge into
    someone's house with an afro?
[11:46] ---
    D-Don't you think you're being rude?!
[11:48] ---
    Hey! What do you think you're doing?
[11:51] ---
    Take off your afro first!
[11:53] ---
    We're not cultivating any shady afros here!
[11:57] ---
    Hey, hold up!
[12:02] Gin
    Give it a rest.
[12:03] Shin
    Gin-san!
[12:04] Gin
    I don't care if you're a cop or whatever.
[12:07] Gin
    The Sakata house is governed by its own laws.
[12:10] Gin
    If you keep dropping your filthy,
    frizzy hair all over the place,
[12:12] Gin
    you'll have to pay with
    more than your pubes, boss.
[12:40] Gin
    He just took a dump and left!
[12:42] Shin
    What did he even come here to do?!
[12:44] Kag
    We didn't get it because he was silent,
[12:46] Kag
    but it looks like he simply
    wanted to use the toilet.
[12:48] Shin
    Could he have been any more misleading?!
[12:51] Gin
    Guess it's true that he's a man
    of exceedingly few words.
[12:53] Gin
    He was going around searching
    for a toilet, not Zura, huh?
[12:56] Gin
    Just how close was he to soiling himself?
[12:57] Gin
    What kind of cop takes a dump and
    leaves without saying a word?
[13:01] Kag
    It wasn't just nuggets he left behind.
SIGN    Application To Odd Jobs
[13:07] Shin
    He was here with a job request?!
[13:09] Gin
    H-Hey...
[13:11] Gin
    Zura, this...
[13:12] Gin
    Wait, where'd Zura go?!
[13:18] Kat
    If I don't strike first, I'll be
    exposed and purged before long.
[13:22] Kat
    I must kill before I'm killed.
[13:25] Gin
    "To Odd Jobs,
[13:26] Gin
    I apologize for this sudden letter."
[13:29] Sai
    I'm Z, a civil servant working in Edo.
[13:33] Sai
    I seek your help to resolve a
    long-standing problem of mine,
[13:38] Sai
    which is why I'm writing an
    anonymous letter to you folkz.
[13:40] Shin
    Uh, it may be anonymous,
    but it couldn't be more obvious.
[13:42] Shin
    A bunch of things are totally exposed here.
[13:44] Sai
    I've always been called
    a silent, cool person,
[13:49] Sai
    but that's not true.
[13:50] Sai
    What if my small talk falls flat?
[13:52] Sai
    What if I stutter?
[13:54] Sai
    What if they find my voice weird?
[13:56] Sai
    What if they think I'm getting cocky because
[13:58] Sai
    I suddenly speak up after
    staying silent for so long?
[14:01] Sai
    I have all these negative thoughts before
    I speak, so I stay silent out of fear.
[14:04] Sai
    But in truth, I'm just a normal guy
    who wants to have fun conversationz.
[14:09] Shin
    He was troubled by it!
[14:09] Shin
    Captain Wolfro is surprisingly timid!
[14:12] Sai
    But whenever I try to talk to people,
    I get nervous and my tummy aches,
[14:17] Sai
    so I always end up in toiletz.
[14:19] Shin
    That's why he's always taking dumps?
[14:21] Sai
    What if they think I do
    nothing but take dumps?
[14:23] Sai
    What if they think my lower mouth's awfully
    talkative even though I'm so silent?
[14:27] Sai
    What if they think, though my name means
    "end," my own end doesn't work so well?
[14:30] Sai
    Thinking about all that put me at
    an even greater loss for wordz.
[14:33] Shin
    Just how delicate is he?!
[14:35] Sai
    Ironically, the higher-ups
    liked my silent nature
[14:37] Sai
    and put me in charge of
    secret investigations.
[14:40] Sai
    Before long, I could only
    speak in diary entriez.
[14:43] Sai
    And one day,
[14:45] Sai
    my men found my "Prospective Friendz" list,
[14:48] Sai
    the Z List in short, which
    I'd been compiling in secret.
[14:50] Shin
    That's what the Z stood for?!
[14:52] Sai
    They read too much into it and fled,
[14:55] Sai
    and even though I'd finally found
    people I might be able to talk to,
[14:58] Sai
    I ended up having to punish
    them with my own handz.
[15:01] Shin
    He has an innate ability
    to fish out shady people!
[15:03] Shin
    I feel for the guy, but he's perfectly
    suited for secret investigations!
[15:06] Sai
    I didn't want to kill my comrades anymore,
    even if they had broken the Code.
[15:11] Sai
    So I gave up on talking and
    was living my life in solitude
[15:15] Sai
    when that man suddenly
    appeared in front of my eyez.
[15:18] Sai
    I kept silent, but he didn't let that faze him.
[15:22] Sai
    He kept talking to me frankly multiple timez.
[15:25] Sai
    Looking at his brazen yet resolute figure
[15:28] Sai
    cleared my mind of all doubtz.
[15:31] Sai
    The one who would be my friend...
SIGN    Hashira Afuro z
[15:36] Sai
    ...was Hashira Afuro, and no one elz.
[15:37] Shin
    Uh, that guy should be at
    the top of your hit-list!
[15:41] Sai
    "But as for how to talk to him,
    I'm completely out of ideaz.
[15:44] Sai
    I'd be forever grateful if you
    could offer me some advice."
[15:47] Shin
    Oh my God!
[15:48] Shin
    Never mind purging Katsura-san,
[15:50] Shin
    he's trying to make friends with him
    without realizing he's an enemy!
[15:52] Kag
    We should tell him that
[15:54] Kag
    the moron has infiltrated the Shinsengumi
    with evil intentions in mind.
[15:57] Shin
    But then Katsura-san will get purged.
[16:00] Shin
    Gin-san, what do we do?
[16:02] Gin
    Man, this has turned into a pain in the ass.
[16:05] Gin
    We ended up accepting a lot of money, too.
[16:08] Gin
    But he's saying he doesn't want
    to kill his friends anymore,
[16:11] Gin
    so we can't make him kill Zura.
[16:14] Gin
    In which case, having
    them truly become friends
[16:16] Gin
    might be the easiest way out of this mess.
[16:19] Gin
    They're enemies, but if
    Zura gets attached to him,
[16:22] Gin
    he might withdraw.
[16:24] Shin
    Is that even possible?
[16:25] Shin
    The two of them are Shinsengumi
    and Joi Rebel, you know.
[16:27] Gin
    Who the hell do you think I am?
[16:29] Gin
    I was born through a pair
    of smooth-talking lips...
[16:32] Gin
    Down there, that is.
[16:32] Shin
    That goes for everyone.
[16:34] Gin
    I'm well aware of Zura's quirks.
[16:37] Gin
    Bring me a pen and paper.
[16:40] Gin
    Z-san, I understand your long-standing
    loneliness so much, it hurts.
[16:45] Gin
    But don't you think you're
    being a bit overeager?
[16:48] Gin
    You've been silent for years,
[16:50] Gin
    so it's impossible for you to
    become talkative overnight.
[16:54] Gin
    Besides, Zura—
[16:56] Gin
    People don't pay too much
    attention to what others say.
[17:00] Gin
    Why don't you start off
    with listening to them?
[17:04] Kat
    Captain Saito.
[17:08] Kat
    I made you tea.
[17:10] Kat
    It's about time for a break, wouldn't you say?
[17:15] Kat
    I must get rid of this man at once
[17:18] Kat
    and gain control of the
    Third Squad, no matter what.
[17:21] Kat
    While it pains me to use such a
    dirty trick, I poisoned this tea.
[17:24] Kat
    It is for a just cause.
[17:26] Kat
    I cannot be picky about my methods.
[17:33] Kat
    Help yourself.
[17:37] Gin
    Even if you can't speak, you can
    listen to others, nod, and smile.
[17:41] Gin
    That's all it takes to have
    a successful conversation.
[17:44] Gin
    A smile, especially, can
    be used in any situation,
[17:47] Gin
    making it an excellent communication tool.
[17:56] Gin
    If you're at a loss, smile.
[17:57] Gin
    Please keep that in mind.
[18:02] Kat
    Wh-What's with that smile?!
[18:04] Kat
    Don't tell me... He realized?!
[18:07] Kat
    Impossible!
[18:08] Kat
    This poison has no taste or odor!
[18:09] Kat
    It should be impossible to
    notice with the naked eye!
[18:12] Kat
    But this smile practically
    screams that he's realized!
[18:14] Kat
    He's totally realized!
[18:17] Kat
    Is he telling me he'll accept my
    challenge head-on with a smile?
[18:20] Kat
    No, it can't be. I must be imagining things.
[18:22] Kat
    A smile this creepy couldn't possibly exist!
[18:25] Kat
    His face is probably just
    twitching out of exhaustion!
[18:29] Kat
    This is the end, Wolfro!
[18:32] Gin
    When you're the listener, there may be
    times when the other person stops talking.
[18:38] Gin
    At such times,
[18:41] Gin
    try causing a minor "accident" of sorts.
[18:48] Gin
    Mishaps are a far superior
    conversation topic than mere words.
[18:57] Kat
    F-Forgive me!
[18:59] Kat
    That tea was too hot!
[19:01] Kat
    I'll go make some more!
[19:06] Gin
    His smile is way too scary!
[19:09] Shin
    That was a total bust.
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[19:11] Shin
    Instead of making him Wolfro's friend,
    it only made Katsura-san more cautious!
[19:14] Gin
    I thought it'd be better than
    making him talk unnaturally,
[19:17] Gin
    but even his smile was unnatural, huh?
[19:18] Kag
    What now? He sent us a letter to complain.
SIGN    I've been doing as you said and smiling since then, but people are keeping their distance even more now. Even my diarrhea's gotten worse. Did I do something wrong? Did my asshole do something wrong? Please respond. - Civil Servant Z
[19:21] Shin
    This is bad.
[19:22] Shin
    He's dropping that smile all over the place.
[19:23] Shin
    He's growing more and more isolated!
[19:25] Gin
    Man, screw it.
[19:27] Gin
    Z-san, let's move on to the next step.
[19:30] Gin
    Small talk might make you self-conscious,
    but making necessary conversation is easy.
[19:35] Gin
    Among those, conversations
    about work are most effective.
[19:38] Gin
    Try taking him along for work and
    answering any questions he may have.
[19:43] Shin
    Well, he managed to bring
    him along all right,
[19:45] Shin
    but Katsura-san's being super wary!
[19:47] Shin
    He's not going to ask any questions!
[19:48] Gin
    Now, now.
[19:49] Gin
    Once they get to work, they'll have
    to talk, whether they like it or not.
[20:04] Shin
    Now he's speechless!
[20:06] Shin
    This sucks! Unknown to us,
    Elizabeth-san was captured!
[20:10] Shin
    What's worse, Saito-san is
    also in charge of torture!
[20:12] Gin
    Wait, why is he wearing a
    Shinsengumi uniform, too?
[20:15] Gin
    Was he trying to sneak in with that?
    Did he really think they wouldn't find out?!
[20:18] Shin
    A conversation's out of the question now.
[20:20] Shin
    Katsura-san's going to
    explode for sure this time!
SIGN    K-Katsura-san!
[20:26] Kat
    This is a great sandbag!
[20:28] Shin
    He cast him aside without
    a moment's hesitation!
[20:30] Kat
    Where'd you find this?
[20:31] Kat
    I'd love to have one at home, too.
[20:35] Kat
    Damn you, Wolfro!
[20:36] Kat
    Did you think you could trap me with this?
[20:39] Kat
    Elizabeth, now is the time to endure.
[20:41] Kat
    I promise to avenge you—
[20:45] Kat
    Elizabeth...
SIGN    Feeding Zabeth Rotation Mon - Saito Tue - Hashira Wed - Saito Thu - Saito Fri - Hashira
[20:57] Shin
    He domesticated him?!
[20:58] Shin
    I thought he caught and tortured him, but
    he was just keeping Elizabeth-san as a pet!
SIGN    There, there.
SIGN    Purr, purr.
[21:03] Gin
    He's really taken a liking to him! The
    two silent types have made a connection!
[21:07] Kat
    H-How could this be?!
[21:10] Kat
    In such a short time, he tamed
    Elizabeth even more than I did?!
[21:15] Kat
    Say it isn't so, Elizabe—
[21:20] Kat
    I can't believe it.
[21:21] Kat
    I don't believe it!
[21:23] Shin
    What is he doing?!
[21:25] Shin
    Never mind throwing the Shinsengumi into a
    panic, he's the one who's panicking most!
[21:29] Gin
    But this might be for the best.
[21:33] Gin
    A Shinsengumi officer and a Joi Rebel
    becoming friends was impossible to begin with.
[21:38] Gin
    Zura will surely learn
    his lesson and withdraw.
[21:43] Gin
    This was for the best. It really was.
SIGN    One Month Later
[22:00] Kat
    Let's go,
[22:04] Kat
    Shinsengumi Third Squad!
[22:06] Kat
    Afro Squad, charge in!
[22:07] All
    Yeah!
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Afuro and Wolfro
[23:46] Sai
    Next week, "Afuro and Wolfro" airz.
SIGN    We thought this story would end in one episode,
SIGN    but in the Third Squad, for some reason Hashira Afuro's in charge of thingz?
SIGN    The strategy used by Katsura (currently Hashira) puts Saito Shimaru in a real predicament.
SIGN    What will happen to the Shinsengumi and Shimaruzzzz...

E295 - Afuro and Wolfro

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Saito Shimaru's request for all viewerz: Please watch this program
    in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TVz.
SIGN    Special Police Shinsengumi
[01:32] G
    It's the Third Squad! The Afro Squad is back!
[01:35] G
    In the Kabuki District,
[01:36] G
    they rounded up thirty-six men suspected
    of being radical Joi Rebels!
[01:40] G
    Captain Afuro's done it again!
[01:44] Kon
    The Shinsengumi's ace makes
    his triumphant return, huh?
[01:47] Kon
    Jeez...
[01:48] Kon
    Spare a thought for us, will you?
[01:52] Kon
    We'll lose all face if a
    newcomer does this well.
[01:56] Kat
    Chief.
[01:58] Hij
    This is the least that's expected of you.
[02:00] Hij
    Don't let it get to your head, Hashira.
[02:02] Kat
    Vice Chief...
[02:03] Oki
    Always the critic, Hijikata-san.
[02:06] Oki
    Hashira-san's exploits are a
    great wakeup call, you know?
[02:09] Kat
    Okita-dono.
[02:11] Oki
    All of our men want to be him.
[02:14] Oki
    Some of mine even want to
    transfer to the Third Squad.
[02:18] Kat
    No.
[02:20] Kat
    This is all thanks to the chief's leadership,
[02:22] Kat
    for giving a newcomer like
    me such a great opportunity.
[02:25] Kat
    It is because I have reliable
    comrades like yourself
[02:28] Kat
    that I can put myself in harm's way.
[02:32] Kon
    Hashira-san!
[02:33] Kat
    Let us keep working together, hand in hand.
[02:39] Kat
    We may have been born on different days,
[02:42] Kat
    but we will put our lives on the
    line and die on the same day.
[02:45] Kat
    We are comrades-in-arms,
    bound by loyalty and honor!
[02:47] G
    Yeah!
[02:50] Kon
    What a guy...
[02:50] G
    Hashira! Hashira!
[02:52] Oki
    Looks like we'd better be
    careful, too, Hijikata-san.
[03:04] Kat
    Edo is peaceful again today.
[03:07] Gin
    Are you kidding me?!
SIGN    Afuro and Wolfro
[03:15] Gin
    What are you doing?! I thought you'd have
    given up on your infiltration long ago!
[03:19] Kat
    No, my wig!
[03:21] Kag
    Here's your "zura."
[03:21] Kat
    I'm not Zura. I'm Katsura!
[03:23] Shin
    You're behind enemy lines! Why are you
    fitting in and performing splendidly?!
[03:26] Shin
    Why does everyone in the
    Shinsengumi have an afro now?!
[03:30] Kat
    In order to unify the organization,
[03:32] Kat
    we unified our hairstyles, as well.
[03:33] Shin
    Why are you sorting out
    your enemy's organization?
[03:35] Shin
    You're no longer a Joi Rebel, are you?!
[03:37] Kat
    A great leader is a great leader,
    no matter which side he's on.
[03:42] Kat
    Sometimes, I get the sneaking feeling
    that this might've suited me better.
[03:45] Gin
    I'm not surprised, given you're
    selling out your comrades!
[03:47] Kat
    I only attacked heinous criminals
    who pretend to be Joi Rebels.
[03:51] Kat
    As if I would ever lose sight of my cause!
[03:55] Kat
    In order to destroy the Shinsengumi,
[03:57] Kat
    my plan initially was to take
    control of the Third Squad,
[04:00] Kat
    but Saito Shimaru proved
    to be a tough nut to crack.
[04:03] Kat
    He left no openings whatsoever.
[04:05] Kat
    And so, I changed plans.
[04:07] Kat
    I switched the Third Squad
    to a dual-leader system
[04:10] Kat
    to gain trust, as well as influence,
    by showing off my leadership skills.
[04:16] Kat
    And using that power,
    I'll get rid of that man,
SIGN    Third Squad
[04:19] Kat
    and officially become the captain.
[04:22] Shin
    You've got your means and ends all mixed up.
[04:24] Shin
    What happened to destroying the Shinsengumi?
[04:26] Kat
    Rather than such trifling matters,
    dealing with that man comes first.
[04:29] Shin
    Now he's calling it trifling!
[04:31] Kat
    I've already prepared everything
    over the past month.
[04:34] Kat
    I took advantage of his unwavering reticence
[04:37] Kat
    to spread baseless rumors about his negligence
    and abuse of authority to indict him.
[04:44] Kat
    Tomorrow, Wolfro will be punished in
    adherence with the Shinsengumi Code.
[04:50] Shin
    How could this be?
[04:52] Shin
    In just one month, Saito-san's
    been driven into a corner.
[04:56] Gin
    Hey, Wolfro.
[04:58] Gin
    If you stay silent, you'll get executed.
[05:01] Gin
    The guy you were trying to be friends
    with was just that kind of man.
[05:05] Gin
    He used your inability to speak to frame you.
[05:08] Gin
    Get it now?
[05:13] Gin
    He cared about Zura that much?
[05:16] Gin
    I understand how you feel,
[05:18] Gin
    but this is no time to be
    talking about making friends.
[05:23] Gin
    The time has come to break
    your years of silence.
[05:26] Gin
    Only you can prove your innocence.
[05:29] Gin
    Speak up, Wolfro!
[05:31] Gin
    You can do it, right?
[05:35] Sai
    Zzz...
[05:38] Gin
    Can't wait for the execution tomorrow.
[05:41] Shin
    Gin-san?!
[05:46] Kon
    I never dreamed this day would come.
[05:49] Kon
    To think Shimaru would break the code...
[05:52] Oki
    Shimaru-niisan is easy to misunderstand
    because he doesn't speak.
[05:56] Oki
    Are you sure you're not
    overthinking this, Hashira-san?
[05:59] Kat
    I do wish I could trust him.
[06:01] Kat
    But I cannot distort the truth.
[06:04] Kat
    And while he's a long-serving comrade,
    does anyone truly know him?
[06:09] Kat
    Has anyone ever spoken to him?
[06:11] Hij
    We may have never conversed,
    but I believe I know his nature well.
[06:16] Hij
    This is a good opportunity.
    Let him speak up clearly for himself.
[06:19] Oki
    Were you listening to me, Hijikata-san?
[06:22] Oki
    Shimaru-niisan can't—
[06:23] Sai
    Um...
[06:26] Sai
    Not that I really care, but are you done yet?
[06:29] Sai
    You've been mumbling to one
    another this entire time.
[06:32] Sai
    Why don't we discuss this loud and clear?
[06:35] G
    He talked!
[06:36] G
    Captain Saito talked!
[06:40] Kon
    Wh-What's the meaning of this, Shimaru?
[06:42] Sai
    What do you mean?
[06:43] Sai
    Did you really think I'd keep
    silent with my life on the line?
[06:45] Sai
    Are you serious?
[06:47] Sai
    I'm on trial here. The mysterious,
    silent personality can go to hell.
[06:51] Sai
    I'm not that fixated on my character.
[06:53] Sai
    Seriously, Chief. Are you serious?
[06:54] Kon
    Hey!
[06:55] Kon
    The dam broke! Words are
    flooding out of his mouth!
[06:57] Sai
    Wait, am I not allowed to speak?
[06:59] Sai
    Can I leave, then?
[07:00] Sai
    My perm's giving out, so I'd
    like to go get it touched up.
[07:02] Kon
    That's how he talks?
[07:04] Kon
    I'm kinda shocked.
[07:05] Kat
    Impossible!
[07:06] Kat
    He opened his mouth now, of all times?
[07:08] Kat
    Did he pathetically cast his character
    aside in a bid to cling to his life?
[07:13] (Flashback) Gin
    Listen up.
[07:14] (Flashback) Gin
    I'll talk in your stead
    through a mic and speaker.
[07:16] (Flashback) Gin
    If you don't want to die,
[07:18] (Flashback) Gin
    match what I'm saying and wave your hands
    around as if you're the one talking.
[07:21] Shin
    Gin-san...
[07:22] Shin
    Will this really get him through the trial?
[07:25] Gin
    I wouldn't be able to sleep
    at night if he died here.
[07:28] Gin
    Fortunately, his mouth is hidden,
[07:30] Gin
    and there's hardly anyone
    who's ever heard his voice.
[07:32] Sai
    If Conan can get away with it, so can we.
[07:35] Shin
    Gin-san, you're talking into the mic.
[07:37] Kat
    Saito-dono, what was that you just said?!
[07:40] Kat
    As I thought, you are hiding something bad!
[07:42] Sai
    N-Non, non!
[07:44] Sai
    I was talking about the
    culprits in Conan, 'kay?
[07:47] Sai
    They're pretty obvious each episode, 'kay?
[07:49] Sai
    There's a characteristic
    Conan villain face, 'kay?
[07:52] Kon
    What's with the "kay"?!
[07:53] Kon
    Why'd your speech suddenly get so stilted?!
[07:55] Kat
    Hey, Saito!
[07:56] Kat
    You are hiding something, aren't you?
[07:59] Sai
    Oh, wrong!
[08:01] Sai
    I keeping it secret, but I actually foreigner.
[08:05] Sai
    Sushi, geisha, sumo,
[08:07] Sai
    Japanimation awesome!
[08:08] Sai
    Conan awesome!
[08:09] Kon
    R-Really?!
[08:12] Kon
    Is that why you never talked?
    You didn't understand the language?
[08:14] Hij
    Uh, wasn't he speaking
    perfect Japanese earlier?
[08:17] Shin
    We managed to cover it up!
[08:18] Shin
    But now we'll have to play
    a foreigner character.
[08:21] Shin
    What have you done, Kagura-chan?
[08:23] Hij
    So which country are you from, exactly?
[08:26] Gin
    H-Hey! Which nationality do we go with?
[08:29] Gin
    If it's too clichéd, they'll find out.
[08:30] Gin
    But something obscure could
    cause problems down the line!
[08:32] Shin
    What nationality is that?!
[08:34] Shin
    His upper and lower halves are
    in completely different states!
[08:36] Shin
    Nobody asked you to do that, Saito-san!
[08:39] Sai
    O-One more, please.
[08:40] Sai
    I don't understand.
[08:42] Hij
    His hearing suddenly got worse.
[08:45] Hij
    I'm asking you what your motherland is.
[08:47] Sai
    I don't understand.
[08:49] Hij
    Your birthplace, damn it!
[08:52] Sai
    I don't understand.
[08:54] Hij
    If you don't answer this time,
    you'll be executed.
[08:56] Hij
    Where are you from?!
[08:57] Sai
    I Don't Understand Republic.
[09:00] Hij
    That was the country name?!
[09:01] Hij
    I've never heard of the
    Republic of I Don't Understand!
[09:04] Sai
    Well, even if we say our country name,
    people don't understand,
[09:08] Sai
    so it's only natural that you don't know.
[09:09] Hij
    What does that mean?
[09:10] Hij
    Is it a name that I wouldn't understand,
    or is the name "I Don't Understand"?
[09:15] Sai
    Give it a rest already.
[09:16] Sai
    I don't understand you, rotten vice chief.
[09:18] Hij
    You meant that one, didn't you?!
[09:21] Sai
    Apologies.
[09:23] Sai
    In my country, "rotten vice chief"
    is just how we end sentences.
[09:26] Sai
    I wasn't implying anything,
    rotten vice chief.
[09:27] Hij
    I'm sensing nothing but implications!
[09:29] Kon
    Then we should follow suit, rotten vice chief.
[09:32] Hij
    You guys don't have to join in!
[09:34] Oki
    I guess we have no choice,
[09:36] Oki
    rotten vice chief.
[09:37] Hij
    You totally directed that at the
    "rotten vice chief," didn't you?!
[09:41] Kat
    Don't play dumb, Saito-dono.
[09:43] Kat
    You're no foreigner, rotten vice chief!
[09:45] Hij
    You don't have to add "rotten vice
    chief" if he's not a foreigner!
[09:48] Kat
    This man abused his investigative authority
[09:51] Kat
    to purge and get rid of
    anyone who could harm him,
[09:54] Kat
    rotten vice chief!
[09:55] Hij
    I get it. You all want to be executed, right?
[09:58] Kat
    And I'm no exception.
[10:00] Kat
    Didn't you see him try to
    kill me, back when I joined?
[10:04] Kon
    He did pick a fight all of a sudden.
[10:07] Kon
    Is it true, Shimaru?
[10:10] Sai
    That's right.
[10:13] Sai
    My job is to purge traitors,
[10:17] Sai
    so I can't let a rat that
    sneaked in run free.
[10:21] Sai
    Isn't that right, Katsura-san?
[10:22] Kon
    K-Katsura?!
[10:25] Kon
    We're all wearing "katsura."
    Who do you mean?
[10:27] Shin
    Not those!
[10:29] Sai
    That man is Katsura Kotaro, and he's
    infiltrated the Shinsengumi to destroy it!
[10:34] Oki
    K-Katsura?!
[10:36] Oki
    Shimaru-niisan.
SIGN    Hashira Katsura
[10:37] Oki
    This is Katsura,
[10:39] Oki
    and this is Hashira.
[10:40] Oki
    Understand?
[10:41] Oki
    Let's write them down ten times each.
[10:44] Sai
    Oh, fk you!
[10:46] Shin**
    Hey!
[10:47] Shin
    Due to the foreigner shtick, they
    wrote it off as a simple misreading!
[10:50] Shin
    You don't have to write it down, Saito-san!
[10:52] Sai
    Quit making light of me.
SIGN    Ogura Katsura
[10:56] Sai
    I can differentiate between the two myself.
[10:58] Oki
    Shimaru-niisan, those are both katsuras.
[10:59] Shin
    What the hell are you writing down?!
[11:02] Kon
    Wait, wait. Calm down, you two.
[11:04] Kon
    Your arguments are too abstract
    for me to make a judgment.
[11:08] Hij
    Don't you have any evidence
    that proves your innocence?
[11:11] Sai
    I have proof that I was actually
    conducting investigations.
SIGN    Investigation Diary
[11:15] Sai
    This Investigation Diary.
[11:16] Sai
    It contains records of my daily work.
[11:20] Gin
    For instance, on this day...
[11:23] Sai
    MM/DD.
[11:25] Sai
    I heard noises coming from the mess late at
    night, so I went to see with my own eyez.
[11:28] Hij
    What's with the Z?
[11:29] Hij
    In the end, which is your
    actual speech pattern?
[11:31] Hij
    Your character's all over the place!
[11:34] Sai
    Lately, food has been going missing
    from the fridge again and again.
[11:38] Sai
    I must purge the culprit behind thiz.
[11:44] Sai
    I saw nothing, yez.
[11:46] Kon
    What happened?!
[11:48] Kon
    You totally saw something! What did you see?
[11:51] Kon
    Who was breaking the rules?!
[11:55] Hij
    Th-That's enough.
[11:56] Hij
    It's clear that you were doing your job well.
[11:59] Kon
    He wasn't!
[12:00] Kon
    He let the culprit go!
[12:02] Sai
    And on this day...
[12:03] Hij
    I'm telling you, that's enough.
[12:05] Sai
    MM/DD.
[12:07] Sai
    I hear noises from the mezz.
[12:09] Sai
    Lately, the vice chief has suffered
    from diarrhea multiple timez.
[12:12] Kon
    Hey, why was Toshi suffering from diarrhea?
[12:14] Sai
    The mayonnaise yesterday might've
    been spoiled, is my guezz.
[12:17] Kon
    What do you mean, the mayonnaise yesterday?
[12:19] Kon
    Toshi, don't tell me you...
[12:20] Sai
    Should've replaced it with fresh mayonnaize.
[12:26] Sai
    I saw nothing, yez.
[12:28] Kon
    Seriously, what happened?!
[12:30] Oki
    Shimaru-niisan,
[12:32] Oki
    you're innocent.
[12:33] Hij
    You're not innocent, are you?!
[12:35] Sai
    And on this day...
[12:37] Sai
    MM/DD.
[12:39] Sai
    I hear noises from the mezz.
[12:41] Kon
    Er...
[12:43] Kon
    I just have to make a slit here, right?
[12:46] Kon
    It's not working.
[12:48] Sai
    The chief was standing there
    naked, cooking thingz.
[12:52] Sai
    The next day at lunch, the mess
    served konjac with some weird slitz.
[12:57] Sai
    But everyone relished it—
[12:59] Kon
    I shall hereby hand down the verdict.
[13:02] Kon
    Saito Shimaru is judged not guilty.
[13:04] Kon
    The court is now adjourned!
[13:05] G
    Are you kidding?!
[13:07] G
    What the hell did you do
    with the konjac, Chief?!
[13:10] G
    Don't tell me the konjac that day was...
[13:13] Kon
    Damn Wolfro.
[13:14] Kon
    I never thought he'd use the dirt
    he'd uncovered in his investigations
[13:17] Kon
    to get more people on his side.
[13:19] Kon
    I never imagined he was such a scheming man!
[13:23] Kat
    Listen up, men!
[13:24] Kat
    What just happened proves Saito's
    wrongdoings beyond a shadow of a doubt!
[13:27] Kat
    Under the pretext of internal investigation,
    he uncovered dirt on our troops,
[13:30] Kat
    and as you just saw, he even
    controlled the top brass!
[13:34] Kat
    Chief,
[13:36] Kat
    please order the purge of this traitor!
[13:38] Kon
    C-Calm down, Hashira-san.
[13:40] Kat
    I cannot!
[13:41] Kon
    We don't know for sure
    that Shimaru's a traitor.
[13:44] Hij
    Then order him
[13:49] Hij
    to purge the traitor, too.
[13:51] Kon
    Toshi?
[13:52] Hij
    I'm sick of listening to all this prattle.
[13:55] Hij
    Everyone here is prepared to
    live and die by the sword.
[14:00] Hij
    If you've got something to say,
    say it with your sword.
[14:03] Hij
    Isn't that what the Shinsengumi is all about?
[14:19] Kat
    Interesting.
[14:20] Kat
    Let's settle our unfinished
    fight right here and now.
[14:24] Kon
    W-Wait!
[14:28] Shin
    This is bad, Gin-san.
[14:29] Shin
    Saito-san's stuck on the defensive!
[14:31] Gin
    What's he doing?
[14:34] (Flashback) Sai
    The one who would be my friend
    was Hashira Afuro, no one elz.
[14:39] Gin
    Is he...
[14:41] Kag
    What are you doing, Gin-chan? Gimme that!
[14:43] Kag
    We need to hurry up and give him some lines.
[14:46] Kag
    He's still keeping the promise to
    match his actions to what we say.
[14:50] Gin
    That's why he's not fighting back?
[14:52] Gin
    He's waiting for our lines? Is he stupid?
[14:54] Kag
    Just gimme that already!
[14:56] Kag
    Mwahaha, Hashira, is that
    all your sword's capable of?
[14:59] Kag
    It's so slow, a fly could land on it, 'kay?
[15:01] Kag
    You won't cut me or a fly
    with skill like that, kay?!
[15:04] Shin
    He finally moved.
[15:05] Sai
    Just watch. It's my turn now.
[15:09] Shin
    Not your turn to cut flies!
[15:11] Shin
    He completely misinterpreted the lines!
[15:14] Gin
    Oh, apologies.
[15:15] Gin
    I mistook you for a large fly.
[15:17] Gin
    In my eyes, you're not
    much different from a fly.
[15:20] Kat
    You dare insult me to that extent?!
[15:22] Sai
    Get ready. It's your turn next.
[15:26] Shin
    Not your turn to cut flies!
[15:29] Shin
    Why are you participating in the game, too?
[15:32] Kat
    I win. I cut down three flies.
[15:35] Shin
    What the hell are you guys competing over?!
[15:37] Sai
    Now that the annoying flies
    have been dealt with,
[15:40] Sai
    it's time to get serious.
[15:42] Sai
    Time to put you away.
[15:45] Kat
    Let's bury it here.
[15:46] Shin
    What are you guys putting away?!
[15:49] Kat
    It wouldn't do for either of us
    to step on poop while fighting.
[15:53] Kat
    Or so I say to mislead him, and then...
[15:55] Kat
    You left a gaping hole at your back, Saito!
[15:57] Shin
    Oh, no! It was a trap!
[15:59] Shin
    Saito-san!
[16:02] Sai
    Too bad.
[16:03] Sai
    You're the one who left a gaping hole!
[16:06] Kat
    This does seem to be a wider and
    easier hole to bury the poop in.
[16:09] Shin
    Your brain is what's a gaping hole!
[16:12] Shin
    Or so I say, and then...
[16:13] Shin
    You're the one getting buried, Saito!
[16:15] Kag
    Now's his chance!
[16:17] Sai
    You fell for my trap, Hashira!
[16:19] Sai
    Eat this...
[16:20] Sai
    Afro-style Ultimate technique, Z Slash!
SIGN    Afro-style Ultimate technique Z Slash
[16:31] Gin
    Uh, he's looking this way.
[16:32] Gin
    Looks like he doesn't know
    how to use the Z Slash.
[16:35] Kag
    Eat this... Z Slash!
[16:40] Gin
    Nope, not working.
[16:41] Gin
    And what's a Z Slash?
[16:43] Gin
    Did you talk to him about this beforehand?
[16:45] Kag
    A Z Slash is just a Z Slash.
[16:47] Gin
    You need to explain it
    to him in simpler terms!
[16:50] Sai
    The Z Slash is a technique where I hit
    my opponent with a Z-shaped slash.
[16:53] Sai
    Can you dodge it? Z Slash!
[16:56] Gin
    There's no way he can use it!
[16:58] Gin
    The enemy will know what's
    coming before he even uses it!
[17:00] Sai
    Then eat this... Z Wave!
[17:02] Gin
    Wait, what's a Z Wave?
[17:04] Sai
    Then eat this... Z Kai!
SIGN    Z Kai
[17:06] Gin
    Pick one! What the hell is Z Kai?!
[17:09] Sai
    The Z Kai is a Z state of mind where
    one is freed from all worldly desires!
[17:12] Sai
    Zzz...
[17:13] Shin
    He's already using it!
[17:15] Shin
    The ultimate move nonsense took so
    long, he's entered Z Kai already!
[17:18] Shin
    This is bad! He's wide open!
[17:20] Kat
    Th-This is Z Kai?!
[17:22] Kat
    He looks like he's sleeping,
[17:24] Kat
    but he's actually in a blank stance
    that can swallow up any attack?!
[17:26] Gin
    He's reading too much into it!
[17:28] Sai
    Come at me from wherever.
[17:30] Sai
    Even with my eyes closed,
[17:32] Sai
    I can see your next move.
[17:34] Shin
    It really does look like it!
[17:36] Kat
    I can't! He seems full of openings,
    but there actually aren't any!
[17:39] Gin
    There's nothing but openings!
[17:41] Kat
    In that case,
[17:43] Kat
    this is my only option!
[17:44] Gin
    Why?!
[17:46] Gin
    Why are you entering Z Kai?!
[17:48] G
    So that's a battle between masters?
[17:50] G
    They're so quiet, it's almost
    like they're sleeping.
[17:52] Gin
    No, they really are in dreamland!
[17:54] Gin
    What's with this battle? How are
    they gonna determine the victor?!
[17:58] Kat
    No good. I can't sleep.
[18:00] Gin
    Well, duh! This is a battlefield!
[18:03] Kat
    I guess I'll have to Z Kai, too.
SIGN    Z Kai
[18:05] Gin
    Your Z Kai is taking off your wig?!
SIGN    Z (Zura) Kai
[18:07] Kat
    Excellent. Now I can reach
    the Z state of mind.
[18:11] Kat
    Looks like I can have some sweet Zs.
[18:13] Hij
    Is that so? Glad to hear it.
[18:16] Hij
    Then why don't you stay in Z Kai forever...
[18:20] All
    Zura.
[18:26] Kat
    Saito!
[18:28] Kat
    How dare you expose me when I was this
    close to taking over the Shinsengumi?
[18:33] Gin
    Didn't you just dig your own grave?!
[18:36] Kat
    But I had a Plan B prepared for this moment!
[18:41] Kat
    As if Elizabeth could ever
    be tamed by the likes of you!
SIGN    Katsura-san, everything's ready.
[18:45] Kat
    While you were distracted by me,
[18:47] Kat
    I had bombs placed all over the station!
[18:50] Kat
    The moment I press this detonation switch,
[18:52] Kat
    all your hard work will be laid
    to waste, along with this station!
[18:58] Shin
    Saito-san moved on his own, without any lines!
[19:04] Gin
    Looks like our words aren't needed anymore.
[19:09] Gin
    Did you find the words to say to him, Wolfro?
[19:13] Kat
    Let's go, Elizabeth.
[19:15] Hij
    Shimaru, leave the bombs to us!
[19:18] Hij
    Go after him!
[19:19] Hij
    Go after the traitor!
[19:21] Hij
    You are the Third Squad Captain!
[19:24] Sai
    "To Odd Jobs.
[19:27] Sai
    Thank you for helping me face up to the
    problem I'd been carrying for yearz.
[19:35] Sai
    While I tried everything I could,
[19:37] Sai
    it really does look like it's impossible
    for me to converse freely with otherz.
[19:43] Sai
    But unlike before, I no longer
    consider it a source of sadnezz.
[19:49] Sai
    There have been very few times
    that I've spoken to anyone,
[19:54] Sai
    but there are plenty of people
    with whom I've crossed swordz.
[19:59] Sai
    At times comrades, at times enemies...
[20:02] Sai
    I've fought them with my raw
    feelings poured into my sword,
[20:05] Sai
    free from the shackles of wordz.
[20:08] Sai
    Looking back on it now, that very battlefield
[20:11] Sai
    might've been the perfect locale
    for conversation in my eyez.
[20:17] Sai
    So I've decided to never
    again run from battlefieldz.
[20:23] Sai
    Even if I have to use my sword to cut
    down comrades who break the code...
[20:28] Sai
    Even if I have to use my sword
    to cut down the first person
SIGN    Hashira Afuro Z Boop Beep Bam Boom Chaka Boom Beep Boop Bow Boom Shakalaka - Prince of Cannock's Theme
[20:31] Sai
    I ever thought would be my friend,
[20:34] Sai
    the sounds of our swords clashing
    are the only words I can offer them.
[20:41] Sai
    The only words the Captain of the
    Shinsengumi Third Squad, the 'Silent Squad,'
[20:45] Sai
    Saito Shimaru, can offer them."
[20:55] Kat
    You can't chase after me with that leg.
[20:58] Kat
    But now my plan's a bust, too.
[21:03] Kat
    Another draw, huh?
[21:10] Hij
    Hey, Shimaru.
[21:11] Hij
    It looks like you prevented Katsura
    from detonating the bombs,
[21:14] Hij
    but an extra-large time
    bomb is still functioning.
[21:18] Hij
    There's a whole bunch of wires,
    and we don't know which to cut.
[21:21] Hij
    Catch him and make him spill the beans.
[21:24] Kat
    Cut all the wires except Z.
[21:28] Kat
    Cutting Z down is my job.
[21:31] Kat
    I swear to kill you with my own hands, Z!
[21:36] Kat
    Until then, do your best to
    keep your afro prim and proper!
[21:39] Kat
    Farewell!
[21:40] Hij
    Hey, Shimaru!
[21:41] Hij
    Hurry up, there's no time.
[21:43] Hij
    There's A to Z. Which should we cut?
[21:48] Hij
    Hey, Shimaru, you listening to me?!
[21:52] Sai
    Zzz...
[21:54] Hij
    All right! Cut Z!
[22:03] Hij
    In the end, we're still afros!
SIGN    Saito Shimaru can offer them.
    Hashira Afuro Z
    Odd Jobz
SIGN    Take the Initial Premise Lightly, and It'll Cost You
[23:45] Kag
    Next Episode: "Take the Initial
    Premise Lightly, and It'll Cost You."
SIGN    Fall's hitting its stride now.
SIGN    Mornings and nights are getting a lot chillier.
SIGN    Come to think of it, this summer was pretty hot.
SIGN    Even though they predicted it'd be a cool summer.

E296 - Take the Initial Premise Lightly, and It'll Cost You

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:09] Kag
    Too hot.
[00:10] Gin
    What the hell is going on this summer?
[00:14] Gin
    Apparently today's temperature
    set yet another all-time high.
[00:18] Shin
    Is this due to global warming, too?
[00:21] Shin
    Just what is this globe headed toward?
[00:24] Kag
    That's not what I mean.
[00:26] Kag
    I'm saying you guys are
    making it too hot in here!
[00:29] Kag
    Get out! This is my parasol, 'kay?!
[00:32] Gin
    Keep it down, or we'll attract attention.
[00:34] Gin
    We're tailing this guy, y'know.
[00:35] Kag
    Walking like three dumplings on a stick in
    this heat will attract way more attention!
[00:39] Gin
    Jump out under this blazing sun, and we
    dumplings will turn into a chicken kebab.
[00:44] Gin
    Share the love for once.
[00:45] Gin
    You always get this nice chill all to yourself.
[00:48] Kag
    Say what? I don't walk around with
    a parasol because I want to, 'kay?!
[00:51] Kag
    We Yato are—
[00:52] Gin
    Yeah, yeah.
[00:54] Gin
    I bet you'd almost forgotten about
    the whole "weak to sunlight" premise.
[00:57] Gin
    I bet you were struggling to keep up the act.
[00:59] Shin
    There have been plenty of times when
[01:02] Shin
    you forgot your parasol and ran around
    in the sunlight without a problem.
[01:05] Shin
    Just forget about the
    character premise and stuff.
[01:07] Shin
    In this heat, we should take it
    all off and cast it aside.
[01:09] Kag
    Why are you guys using the heat as
    an excuse to make outrageous remarks?
[01:14] Gin
    When you air a program for so long,
[01:16] Gin
    you're bound to run into one
    or two inconvenient premises.
[01:19] Gin
    Our viewers will understand.
[01:21] Gin
    Nobody will say anything if a parasol
    or a four-eyes vanishes in the next cut.
[01:25] Shin
    They sure as hell will!
[01:26] Shin
    Why are you killing off a human
    being along with a premise?!
[01:29] Kag
    Just get out already, 'kay?!
    It's stinking hot in here!
[01:33] Gin
    Don't wanna! I can't take the heat anymore!
[01:35] Gin
    No!
[01:37] Shin
    Gin-san! The target's entering
    the love hotel district!
[01:39] Gin
    What?!
[01:39] Gin
    Hurry up, get the camera ready!
[01:44] Shin
    Oh, no. We lost them.
[01:45] Shin
    There goes our chance to
    get proof of his adultery.
[01:48] Gin
    Nah. They probably entered
    one of these hotels.
[01:50] Gin
    We have no choice now.
[01:51] Gin
    Let's stake this place out and take
    their picture when they come out.
[01:54] Shin
    What? In this hellfire and brimstone?
[01:57] Gin
    I'll keep watch for now, so you guys
[02:00] Gin
    come take over in thirty minutes.
[02:02] Gin
    Hey, Kagura. Lend me your parasol.
[02:04] Shin
    You're holding it already.
[02:07] Gin
    Oh, crap.
[02:08] Gin
    Hey, Kagura. I'm borrowing this parasol, okay?
[02:15] Gin
    Hey, you listening to me?
[02:16] Gin
    Kagura?
[02:19] Shin
    Doesn't something seem off?
[02:24] Shin
    Kagura-chan?
[02:26] Gin
    Hey, Kagu...
[02:34] Gin
    Kagura.
[02:35] Gin
    Hey, Kagura!
[02:38] Shin
    Kagura-chan!
SIGN    Take the Initial Premise
    Lightly, and It'll Cost You
SIGN    Oedo Hospital
SIGN    Notice from Oedo Hospital: When watching television on the premises,
    please do so in a bright room and at a safe distance from the set.
[04:22] Gin
    So, Doctor.
[04:24] Gin
    What's wrong with Kagura?
[04:26] DBJ
    Just heatstroke...
[04:28] Shin
    Thank goodness.
[04:29] DBJ
    ...is what it looks like,
[04:30] DBJ
    but something's weird.
[04:34] DBJ
    We've given her all the usual treatments,
    but her fever's not going down at all.
[04:38] DBJ
    She's an alien, isn't she?
[04:41] DBJ
    And an extremely rare type, at that.
[04:44] DBJ
    Unfortunately, this hospital doesn't
    have any detailed data on the Yato race.
[04:49] DBJ
    I've heard they have extremely
    low resistance to sunlight.
[04:55] DBJ
    Do you have any idea what
    might've caused this?
[04:57] DBJ
    Like, did you expose her to
    sunlight for a long period?
[05:01] Gin
    No, I have no idea.
[05:04] DBJ
    Or, perhaps, force excessive work on her
    without giving her any water in this heat?
[05:08] Gin
    No, I have no idea.
[05:10] DBJ
    We'll admit her.
[05:13] DBJ
    All we can do is observe
    her condition for a while.
[05:16] DBJ
    In the meantime, I'll look for data
    and a hospital that can treat her.
[05:21] DBJ
    At this point, I'm afraid I can't tell you
[05:24] DBJ
    whether her condition
    will get better or worse.
[05:31] Shin
    I-It's our fault.
[05:34] Shin
    It's all because we took Kagura-chan's
    premise lightly and did such a horrible thing!
[05:39] Gin
    S-Settle down.
[05:40] Gin
    Surely her illness isn't a big deal.
[05:43] Gin
    Heat wave or not, she's been handling
    sunlight perfectly fine all this while.
[05:48] Shin
    Maybe she was pushing
    herself to keep up with us.
[05:53] Shin
    During her long stay on Earth,
[05:55] Shin
    the sun might've started eating
    into her body at some point!
[06:01] Shin
    It's all our fault!
[06:02] Shin
    We should've paid more attention!
[06:04] Gin
    Don't worry, man.
[06:05] Gin
    You know she's not the type
    to lose to mere sunlight.
[06:10] Gin
    She must be celebrating in her
    room because she gets to eat
[06:14] Gin
    something other than egg-on-rice.
[06:16] Gin
    Right, Kagura?
[06:18] Kag
    I'm telling you, I don't want this.
[06:20] Kag
    I don't have any appetite.
[06:23] N
    But if you don't eat,
    your body won't get better.
[06:25] Kag
    It won't get better, even if I do eat.
[06:28] Kag
    I know my body better than anyone else.
[06:36] Shin
    K-Kagura-chan!
[06:42] Kag
    Oh, you two came to see me.
[06:44] Shin
    What's wrong, Kagura-chan?
[06:47] Gin
    What happened to the "kay"?
    Why are you coughing all of a sudden?
[06:50] Shin
    I can't believe you're not touching your food.
[06:53] Shin
    Are you that sick?
[06:55] Kag
    Sorry for messing up our job.
[07:00] Kag
    I tried my best not to
    be a burden on you all,
[07:03] Kag
    but it seems that only burdened you more.
[07:06] Kag
    You don't have to worry about me.
[07:10] Kag
    I knew that this day would come.
[07:13] Kag
    That this sunny planet was no place
[07:17] Kag
    for bloody, violent outcasts like us.
[07:21] Kag
    That there was no place for
    us in this warm sunlight.
[07:25] Kag
    But even while the scorching
    light burned my body every day,
[07:29] Kag
    and the agony chipped away at my life,
[07:32] Kag
    I didn't leave you all
[07:35] Kag
    because I just didn't want to.
[07:36] ---
    You were suffering that much?
    You were enduring that much?!
[07:40] Kag
    So don't worry, Gin-chan.
[07:43] Kag
    It's not your fault at all.
[07:44] Gin
    It's my fault?! Am I really the bad guy here?!
[07:48] Gin
    C-Come on, Kagura. Quit joking.
[07:51] Gin
    It's just heatstroke, right?
[07:53] Gin
    You'll be fine.
[07:54] Gin
    Y-You're such a drama queen, jeez.
[07:56] Gin
    Don't worry.
[07:57] Gin
    You'll be all better before—
[08:02] N
    What did you just do?!
[08:03] Shin
    Kagura-chan!
[08:04] N
    The doctor! Call the doctor!
[08:07] Shin
    Kagura-chan! Kagura-chan!
[08:07] N
    Just leave this to us.
[08:09] N
    Don't disturb her any more!
[08:11] Shin
    Kagura-chan! Kagura-chan!
[08:15] N
    Jeez, what is wrong with you?
[08:18] N
    I did tell you to hydrate yourself,
[08:20] N
    but after drinking this much,
    no wonder you don't want to eat.
[08:23] Kag
    Yeah. Sorry about that.
[08:30] Kag
    That worked better than I expected.
[08:32] Kag
    Feel more guilty. Blame yourself more.
[08:35] Kag
    You will regret making light of my heavy
    premise and treating me like garbage.
[08:40] Kag
    Luckily, this hospital doesn't
    seem to know much about the Yato.
[08:44] Kag
    Nobody will realize that
    I only have a summer cold.
[08:48] Kag
    This is a great chance for them to
[08:50] Kag
    learn once again the gravity of my premise,
    and just how important I am to them.
[08:55] Kag
    I'll stay like this and mess
    with them for a while longer.
[09:03] N
    How are you doing today, Kagura-san?
[09:06] N
    My body still feels as heavy
    as a rock and really sluggish.
[09:11] N
    I think I'll have to stay in the
    hospital for another week.
[09:15] N
    Huh? Was this the maternity ward?
[09:19] N
    Kagura-san, someone's here to visit you.
[09:24] N
    Wait, wait!
[09:27] N
    Crap, my belly!
[09:28] Gin
    Kagura, I'm coming in.
[09:31] Kag
    G-Gin-chan...
[09:33] Kag
    You came to visit me so early in the morning?
[09:39] Gin
    Y-Yeah. We spent the night
    in the hospital too, actually.
[09:44] Gin
    You okay?
[09:45] Gin
    Your breathing is ragged. Are you in pain?
[09:48] Kag
    Y-Yeah. My chest has been hurting since
    yesterday, and I couldn't sleep.
[09:53] Gin
    Also, what's up with that
    bulge under your blanket?
[09:58] Kag
    M-My body's gotten really bloated due
    to being exposed to bright sunlight.
[10:02] Kag
    Don't look at me. I don't want
    you all to see me like this.
[10:07] Gin
    Kagura...
[10:09] Gin
    R-Relax.
[10:11] Gin
    This is you we're talking about.
[10:13] Gin
    Everyone will just think you ate
    too much again. No one will care.
[10:16] Kag
    I really did just eat too much, though.
[10:19] Gin
    Oh, and I'll be staying in
    this room from today on, too.
[10:23] Gin
    Well, with the air conditioning here,
    it seems more comfortable than Odd Jobs,
[10:27] Gin
    and I can ogle nurses all I want.
[10:29] Gin
    So, uh...
[10:31] Gin
    You can relax and get some sleep.
[10:32] Gin
    This room is the same as
    the Odd Jobs you know.
[10:36] Kag
    He's being more considerate than usual.
[10:39] Kag
    Thank you, Gin-chan.
[10:41] Kag
    But I don't know how much longer
    I'll be able to stay with you guys,
[10:47] Kag
    so I want to stay awake and spend
    as much time as possible with you.
[10:51] Gin
    D-Don't be stupid!
[10:55] Gin
    You'll jinx yourself.
[10:57] Gin
    I'm going to the store to buy Jump.
[11:00] Gin
    Do you need anything?
[11:03] Kag
    I-I want to eat pudding.
[11:05] Gin
    Pudding, huh?
[11:09] Gin
    Here.
[11:10] Kag
    That was quick!
[11:11] Kag
    Even though this is the third floor,
    and the store is on the first,
[11:14] Kag
    he got back in an instant!
[11:17] Kag
    Was it because I said I wanted to spend
    as much time as possible with them?
[11:22] Kag
    He must be feeling really guilty.
[11:25] Kag
    That said, he could be as
    useful as Doraemon right now.
[11:30] Kag
    Sorry, Gin-chan.
[11:31] Kag
    I thought I could eat something sweet,
    but my stomach's all queasy.
[11:35] Kag
    I'd like something more liquidy, like yo—
[11:36] Gin
    Yogurt, right?
[11:37] Kag
    Too quick!
[11:38] Kag
    He went and beat up Gian before Nobita
    could even finish saying "Doraemon"!
[11:42] Kag
    But he was so quick,
[11:43] Kag
    this hasn't even turned into yogurt yet!
[11:46] Kag
    Uh, Gin-chan, this hasn't fermented yet.
[11:49] Kag
    You were too quick.
[11:51] Gin
    Oh, is that so? No wonder I couldn't
    understand what was going on in Jump.
[11:55] Gin
    This is next week's issue.
[11:56] Kag
    What's that supposed to mean?!
[11:57] Kag
    You were so fast, you went
    to a store in the future?!
[11:59] Kag
    N-Never mind, then.
[12:00] Kag
    You love strawberry milk, right?
[12:03] Kag
    You can have this.
[12:04] Gin
    Yeah, I drank it earlier.
[12:05] Kag
    Forget fast, now he's just pissing me off.
[12:07] Kag
    In the end, all he did was hand me trash!
[12:13] Kag
    Eating that pudding made me sleepy.
[12:17] Gin
    Before you sleep, there's
    something I want to talk about.
[12:19] Gin
    Which would you prefer? A big
    funeral, or a small, private one?
[12:22] Kag
    You're jumping the gun!
[12:24] Kag
    That's not the kind of
    sleep I was talking about.
[12:27] Gin
    S-Sorry, that was insensitive of me.
[12:29] Gin
    I wasn't talking about you.
[12:31] Gin
    I meant this.
[12:32] Kag
    That's way more insensitive!
[12:34] Gin
    I was thinking, if we could give you
    a sky burial, that'd be a big help.
[12:37] Kag
    You'd be fine even if I died, huh?
[12:40] Gin
    That's not true!
[12:41] Kag
    You're right.
[12:43] Kag
    With my body in this state, I'll soon...
[12:47] Kag
    Yeah.
[12:48] Kag
    See that tree outside the window?
[12:50] Kag
    By the time...
[12:52] Sac
    Why is that shrimp flirting with Gin-san?!
[12:53] Kag
    By the time that pervert falls
    from the tree, I'll be gone, too.
[12:59] Gin
    Th-There's no need to worry. Look!
[13:02] Gin
    The pervert is still hanging
    from that tree, all lively!
[13:05] Kag
    I wouldn't call that lively.
[13:07] Kag
    Anyway, not that one.
[13:08] Shin
    Sis, we need to hurry up
    and visit Kagura-chan!
[13:10] Kag
    The pervert over there is
    already stuck in the ground.
[13:15] Gin
    Don't worry! Look!
[13:18] Gin
    When a pervert falls to the ground,
    it'll sprout another pervert!
[13:22] Kag
    Not that one.
[13:24] Kag
    That one there is seriously trying to fall.
[13:26] Gin
    He was already fallen to begin with.
[13:29] Kag
    Oh, is that so?
[13:30] Mad
    Aren't you gonna save me?!
[13:32] Gin
    Look, everyone's here to visit you.
[13:34] Gin
    Cheer up.
[13:35] Gin
    If you look that gloomy,
    they'll laugh at you.
[13:43] Kag
    Looks like he's reflected
    on his actions a little.
[13:46] Kag
    Oh well.
[13:48] Kag
    Yeah, I kinda feel better now.
[13:52] Gin
    Kagura!
[13:53] Kag
    Shoot! I got greedy and ate too much!
[13:57] Gin
    Y-You okay?
[13:59] Gin
    Wait, what?
[14:00] Gin
    What's with your belly?
[14:09] Kag
    I-I can't breathe!
[14:11] Kag
    My consciousness is fading...
[14:15] Gin
    Hey, Kagura!
[14:21] Gin
    Doctor! Somebody help!
[14:23] Gin
    Hang in there, Kagura!
[14:25] Gin
    Kagura!
[14:26] Kag
    Th-This is bad.
[14:28] Kag
    I managed to distract him from my belly,
[14:29] Kag
    but now I'm in critical condition instead!
[14:32] Kag
    I never intended to take
    it this far. What do I do?
SIGN    Oedo Hospital
[14:35] Kag
    What do I do?!
[15:00] Shin
    Gin-san, how's Kagura-chan?
[15:08] Shin
    K-Kagura-chan...
[15:13] Shin
    Kagura-chan!
[15:23] Tae
    How...
[15:24] Tae
    How did it come to this?
[15:28] Gin
    It's all my fault!
[15:32] Gin
    If only I'd realized it sooner...
[15:38] Gin
    Damn it...
[15:40] Gin
    Damn it...
[15:41] Gin
    Damn it all!
[15:48] Kag
    Oh my God.
[15:49] Kag
    Th-The mood in here has
    taken a seriously bad turn!
[15:52] Kag
    It totally feels like this is my deathbed!
[15:56] Kag
    I can't tell them. Not after all this.
[15:59] Kag
    I'd rather die than tell them
    it was just a summer cold!
[16:02] Kag
    This wasn't how it was supposed to be.
    I never intended to take it this far!
[16:07] Kag
    How did it come to this?
[16:10] Kag
    At this rate, the mood is
    gonna keep getting worse.
[16:13] Kag
    It's gonna get harder and
    harder to tell the truth!
[16:17] Kag
    I-I need to tell them now.
[16:20] Kag
    B-But no matter what excuse I make now,
[16:22] Kag
    it's obvious that they'll beat me into a coma.
[16:26] Kag
    I should wait for the right moment
[16:27] Kag
    and make it look like my
    condition's getting better!
[16:31] Kag
    H-Hey, Doctor!
[16:33] Kag
    Do something!
[16:36] DBJ
    Her heart rate and pulse
    are both perfectly stable.
[16:40] DBJ
    How could she be in a coma?
[16:44] DBJ
    This is a Yato disease, huh?
[16:47] DBJ
    There's nothing we can do
    with our medical science.
[16:49] Kag
    Uh, no, I'm just feigning illness here.
[16:51] Kag
    Just inject some medicine or give me a
    suppository, and I'll pretend to get better!
[16:55] DBJ
    Forgive me.
[16:57] DBJ
    Please stay by her side and
    continue to encourage her.
[17:00] Kag
    Aren't you a doctor?!
[17:01] Kag
    Do something! Anything!
[17:07] Shin
    Kagura-chan, hang in there!
[17:09] Shin
    Open your eyes!
[17:11] Kag
    They're wide open!
[17:13] Kag
    My eyeballs are dry as a desert!
    Let me rest them already!
[17:15] Shin
    Please come back to us, Kagura-chan!
[17:18] Kag
    I'm ready to come back at any time,
    so just give me a chance to!
[17:21] Tae
    Kagura-chan!
[17:23] Kag
    Oh, I know!
[17:24] Kag
    I can pretend I woke up thanks
    to them calling out to me!
[17:28] Tae
    Kagura-chan!
[17:30] Shin
    Kagura-chan!
[17:31] Kag
    One more!
[17:32] Gin
    Kagura—
[17:33] Oto
    Stop it.
[17:35] Oto
    She's fought long enough.
[17:38] Oto
    Let her rest in peace.
[17:41] Kag
    Why'd you have to say that, you old hag?!
[17:43] Kag
    I could've woken up with one more call!
[17:46] Shin
    Otose-san...
[17:48] Oto
    Don't look so pathetic.
[17:51] Oto
    Can't you at least
[17:52] Oto
    send her off
[17:53] Oto
    with a smile
[17:58] Oto
    in the end?
[17:59] Kag
    Don't give up on me so easily!
[18:02] Kag
    I can still go on!
[18:03] Kag
    I'm perfectly fine!
[18:05] Tama
    I can tell you're all suffering.
[18:08] Tama
    But instead of spending her
    final moments in sorrow,
[18:11] Tama
    we should be ourselves.
[18:14] Tama
    Wouldn't that make Kagura-sama happier?
[18:16] Kag
    No. You're saying all the right things,
    but you're still giving up too quickly.
[18:20] Cat
    Tama's right.
[18:21] Cat
    Now, more than ever,
[18:23] Cat
    we must show her the everyday
    routine she loved so much.
[18:27] Cat
    Sakata-san,
[18:29] Cat
    cough up last month's rent.
[18:31] Kag
    Who cares about that?!
[18:32] Kag
    Now's not the time for that, is it?!
[18:35] Gin
    It's all my fault.
[18:36] Gin
    If only I hadn't gone to pachinko!
[18:38] Kag
    It really is your fault.
[18:39] Kag
    This is too serious! Were your
    rent-collecting scenes always this serious?!
[18:43] Oto
    I see.
[18:44] Oto
    Then, out of respect for Kagura,
[18:46] Oto
    I'll write it off as funeral fees.
[18:49] Gin
    Thanks.
[18:50] Gin
    I'd better be grateful to Kagura.
[18:52] Oto
    Not Kagura's.
[18:53] Oto
    Your funeral.
[18:54] Gin
    Touché.
[18:57] Kag
    That's not funny. There's
    a limit to dark humor!
[19:00] Kag
    And you, don't laugh your ass
    off! Want me to kill you?!
[19:13] Kag
    They've completely given up.
[19:16] Kag
    I'll never find a lifeboat here.
[19:19] Kag
    Somebody help!
[19:21] Kag
    Isn't there anyone who believes I won't die,
    someone who'll encourage me?!
[19:27] Kyu
    Isn't it too early to give up?
[19:30] Kyu
    Aren't you Kagura-chan's friends?
[19:33] Kyu
    If you give up on her this easily,
[19:35] Kyu
    what will become of her?
[19:37] Kag
    You guys!
[19:39] Kag
    You came to encourage me because I was sick?
[19:43] Tsu
    Don't give up hope just yet.
SIGN    For the spirit of the deceased
[19:46] Tsu
    I borrowed funeral offerings
    from everyone in advance.
[19:49] Tsu
    Use this to hold a funeral.
[19:51] Kag
    You were talking about the funeral?!
SIGN    For the spirit of the deceased
[19:53] Kag
    I'm not even dead, and I'm already
    getting funeral offerings.
[19:55] Kag
    What, do people think I'm dead already?
[19:59] Tae
    You guys...
[20:00] Tsu
    I collected these from Yoshiwara, the
    Yagyu clan, and various other places.
[20:04] Tsu
    Use it.
[20:05] Sac
    That's Yoshiwara's most useful woman for you.
[20:07] Kag
    She's looking out for so many people
    that she's forgotten all about me!
[20:11] Oto
    Thank you so much.
[20:13] Oto
    I'm sure Kagura's smiling from up in heaven.
[20:16] Kag
    Seriously, I'm not dead yet!
[20:18] Sac
    Don't be so distant.
[20:20] Sac
    We need to support one another
    in these trying times.
[20:24] Sac
    So cheer up, everyone.
[20:26] Kag
    I'm the one who needs cheering up!
[20:28] Kyu
    Sarutobi, where's your funeral offering?
[20:31] Gin
    Th-Thank you!
[20:32] Gin
    I'll repay you by doubling it in pachinko!
[20:35] Kag
    You're gonna use the money on pachinko?!
[20:37] Kag
    So you don't intend to hold a funeral at all?!
[20:39] Oto
    In that case, consider rent as my offering.
[20:43] Shin
    Gin-san, my wages for this month, too.
[20:45] Kag
    Hey! What are you talking about?!
[20:49] Gin
    F-Forgive me, Kagura.
[20:51] Gin
    You'll be fine with a can of fruit
    drops as your grave, right?
[20:54] Kag
    Don't think you can get away with anything
    if you punch the wall and act the part!
[20:59] Kyu
    Gintoki, are you planning on
    embezzling our funeral offerings?
[21:03] Kyu
    Unacceptable. We're doing this
    for Kagura-chan's funeral.
[21:06] Gin
    I appreciate the thought,
[21:07] Gin
    but her will said to put her
    ashes in a can of fruit drops
[21:10] Gin
    and scatter them in a parking lot.
[21:12] Tsu
    You're the one who needs his ashes scattered!
[21:13] Tsu
    Kagura's spirit wouldn't pass on that way.
[21:15] Tsu
    She must be given a proper send-off.
[21:17] Sac
    That's right.
[21:18] Sac
    It'll be held alongside my wedding with
    Gin-san, so let's make it a big ceremony.
[21:21] Tae
    Good idea.
[21:22] Tae
    And then you two morons will also have
    your ashes scattered in a parking lot.
[21:25] Tae
    Wonderful.
[21:26] Cat
    And while we're at it,
[21:27] Cat
    let's hold a funeral for
    a certain hag, as well.
[21:30] Oto
    Funeral for who?!
[21:33] Sac
    If we set off for a new world in a group
    of three, Kagura-chan won't be lonely.
[21:35] Tsu
    You've got a point.
[21:36] Kag
    Uh, they're kinda getting
    engrossed in funeral chat.
[21:40] Kag
    Everything's proceeding under
    the premise that I'm dead.
[21:44] Kag
    This is bad news.
[21:45] Kag
    I might get thrown into
    a coffin at this rate.
[21:49] Kag
    I'd better do something.
[21:50] Oki
    Give it a rest.
SIGN    Preview
[23:35] Kag
    This is bad.
[23:37] Kag
    I ran out of time while looking
    for a chance to revive.
SIGN    Keep Your Farewells Short
[23:41] Kag
    The next episode will be "Keep Your
    Farewells Short" or something.
SIGN    Preview
[23:46] Kag
    What do I do?!
SIGN    No matter what the occasion,
SIGN    don't talk for too long.
SIGN    It puts a damper on the proceedings
SIGN    and makes legs go numb.

E297 - Keep Your Farewells Short

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] Kag
    Too hot.
[00:01] Kag
    I'm saying you guys are
    making it too hot in here!
[00:04] Kag
    Get out! This is my parasol, 'kay?!
[00:07] Gin
    Hey, Kagura. I'm borrowing
    this parasol, okay?
[00:11] Gin
    Kagura.
[00:12] Gin
    Hey, Kagura!
[00:13] Shin
    Kagura-chan!
[00:14] DBJ
    Unfortunately, this hospital doesn't
    have any detailed data on the Yato race.
[00:18] Shin
    It's all because we took Kagura-chan's
    premise lightly and did such a horrible thing!
[00:22] Gin
    I'll be staying in this
    room from today on, too.
[00:24] Gin
    So, uh...
[00:25] Gin
    You can relax and get some sleep.
[00:27] Gin
    This room is the same as
    the Odd Jobs you know.
[00:30] Kag
    Looks like he's reflected
    on his actions a little.
[00:33] Kag
    I kinda feel better now.
[00:36] Gin
    Kagura!
[00:37] Gin
    Hang in there, Kagura!
[00:39] Gin
    Kagura!
[00:39] Kag
    Th-This is bad.
[00:41] Shin
    Kagura-chan, hang in there!
[00:43] Shin
    Please come back to us, Kagura-chan!
[00:44] Kag
    I'm ready to come back at any time,
    so just give me a chance to!
[00:47] Oto
    She's fought long enough.
[00:50] Oto
    Let her rest in peace.
[00:54] Oki
    Give it a rest.
SIGN    Keep Your Farewells Short
SIGN    Kagura's request: Watch this program in a bright room
    and at a safe distance from your TV, 'kay...
[02:36] Oki
    Give it a rest.
[02:41] Kag
    Soyo-chan!
[02:43] Kag
    And those guys!
[02:46] Soyo
    Kagura-chan!
[02:47] Kon
    Forgive me for acting on my own, Otae-san.
[02:51] Kon
    But I just couldn't keep it from her.
[02:54] Hij
    Relax. We're not gonna make
    any funeral offerings.
[02:58] Hij
    We're only escorting the princess.
[03:00] Kag
    Did those guys bring Soyo-chan
    here? I can't believe it.
[03:05] Oki
    Look at all of you, going on about
    crap like offerings and funerals.
[03:09] Oki
    Knock it off. You're in the
    presence of the princess.
[03:13] Oki
    And this runt ain't dead yet.
[03:16] Oki
    You know she ain't the type to be
    killed off by something like this.
[03:21] Oki
    Rest assured, Princess.
[03:24] Oki
    She... She...
[03:28] Oki
    ain't gonna die until me and
    her settle things for good.
[03:37] Kon
    Sogo...
[03:46] Soyo
    Okita-san is right.
[03:48] Soyo
    So please, everyone.
[03:50] Soyo
    Don't go deciding on Kagura-chan's funeral.
[03:53] Soyo
    Quit being so cruel.
[03:56] Soyo
    Kagura-chan is still alive.
[03:59] Soyo
    She's still breathing!
[04:03] Soyo
    Please, at least let her decide
    on her funeral herself!
[04:07] Kag
    Uh, you're the cruelest one here!
[04:09] Kag
    What do you mean, "decide
    on her funeral herself"?!
[04:11] Soyo
    Kagura-chan...
[04:13] Soyo
    I'll grant any wishes you might have.
[04:19] Soyo
    How do you want to die?
[04:21] Kag
    You're telling me to choose how
    I die while I'm still alive?!
[04:23] Kag
    A natural-born sadist!
[04:24] Kag
    Keep your sadistic tendencies
    in check, Soyo-chan!
[04:27] Soyo
    Please say something, Kagura-chan!
[04:30] Kag
    I know!
[04:31] Kag
    I'll use her talking to me to revive!
[04:34] Kag
    I—
[04:35] Oki
    What was that?
[04:37] Oki
    Oh, okay.
[04:40] Kag
    I can't breathe! What does
    he think he's doing?!
[04:43] Oki
    I've figured out what she wants, Princess.
[04:47] Soyo
    Really?
[04:48] Kag
    I-I'm fading...
[04:50] Oki
    Let's start preparing for
    the service right away.
[05:09] Kag
    Huh? Where am I?
[05:11] Kag
    Huh? I can't move my body or speak.
[05:16] Kag
    Am I still half asleep?
[05:24] Gin
    She's got such a peaceful look.
[05:28] Shin
    Kagura-chan!
[05:29] Kag
    What are these idiots doing?
[05:31] G
    We're all set.
[05:33] Shin
    Go ahead, then.
[05:36] Kag
    What? Go ahead with what?
[06:08] Kag
    Uh, what the heck? No way.
[06:14] Kag
    Is this...
SIGN    Princess Soyo's Friend
    Kagura-chan's Funeral Site
[06:18] Kag
    the beginning of my funeral?!
[06:24] Kag
    What's more,
[06:25] Kag
    I'm getting a state funeral?!
SIGN    Goodbye, Kagura-chan.
[06:32] Oki
    Princess, I'm sure she's
    overjoyed right about now
[06:36] Oki
    that she gets such a grand send-off.
[06:40] Kag
    Don't tell me...
[06:42] Oki
    Not only that, she gets
    what she's always wanted...
[06:46] Oki
    She's bathing in sunlight
[06:49] Oki
    inside a tanning salon-style coffin
    as she departs for the afterlife.
[06:53] Kag
    That... That bastard...
[06:57] Kag
    He knows!
SIGN    Princess Soyo's Friend
    Kagura-chan's Funeral Site
[07:45] Oto
    Thank you all so much for coming today.
[07:52] Oto
    So many of you have gathered here.
[07:56] Oto
    I'm sure that's made her very happy.
[08:01] Oto
    As you can see from her smile, she
    was a girl that hated gloomy scenes,
[08:07] Oto
    so please,
[08:10] Oto
    send her off with a smile today.
[08:15] Oto
    I'm sure that's the best
    parting gift we can offer her.
[08:20] Oto
    Now please come, one by one, to place
    your flowers of tribute in the coffin
[08:25] Oto
    and say your last farewells to her.
[08:34] Oki
    Allow me to go first.
[08:37] Shin
    Okita-san.
[08:40] Kon
    Sogo...
[08:42] Kon
    I never thought I'd see him like this.
[08:45] Kon
    They fought every time
    they ran into each other,
[08:49] Kon
    but I guess, to people,
[08:51] Kon
    losing a good friend
[08:54] Kon
    and losing an enemy you'd
    always have spats with
[08:58] Kon
    aren't all that different.
[09:04] Kag
    Curse you!
[09:07] Oki
    How d'you like the coffin? Nice and cozy?
[09:10] Oki
    I figured you'd at least like to
    bask in sunlight in the afterlife,
[09:15] Oki
    so I specially prepared this tanning
    salon-style coffin for you.
[09:18] Kag
    Hot!
[09:20] Kag
    My body's burning up!
[09:22] Kag
    What the hell are you thinking?!
[09:24] Kag
    Let me out! Let me outta here!
[09:27] Oki
    Yeah, I can tell how deeply thankful you
    are to me, even if you don't say a word.
[09:31] Kag
    Thankful, my ass!
[09:33] Oki
    You did all that because you wanted
    to test their love for you, right?
[09:38] Oki
    In that case, instead of feigning illness,
[09:39] Oki
    dying would better let you see
    how they truly feel about you.
[09:43] Oki
    Don't worry. You won't be able to move
    or speak for another twelve hours.
[09:48] Oki
    It'll be the perfect playing-dead act.
[09:50] Oki
    Not many people get the chance
    to see their own funerals,
[09:54] Oki
    so you'd better be grateful.
[09:57] Oki
    If their love for you is real,
[09:59] Oki
    I'm sure they'll notice.
[10:02] Oki
    Though, by then, you might
    already be burned to a crisp
[10:06] Oki
    inside this coffin or the incinerator.
[10:09] Oki
    Well, you reap what you sow.
[10:12] Oki
    If you must resent someone,
[10:13] Oki
    resent yourself for doing something
    so stupid as faking an illness.
[10:15] Kag
    Hold it!
[10:17] Kag
    Get back here, you scumbag!
[10:19] Kag
    I can't believe it! He was the last
    person I wanted to figure it out!
[10:23] Kag
    He's trying to use my fake illness
    as a pretext to kill me off!
[10:27] Kag
    So hot! I can't take this!
[10:30] Kag
    At this rate, I'll go to heaven for real!
[10:34] Kag
    I need to do something!
[10:35] Kag
    I can't move or speak,
[10:38] Kag
    but if this many people are
    gonna come say their farewells,
[10:41] Kag
    then I'm sure someone will notice I'm alive!
[10:44] Kag
    They just need to take a good
    look at my flushed complexion!
[10:54] Soyo
    Excuse me, everyone!
[10:56] Soyo
    Perhaps due to the tanning
    salon-style coffin,
[10:58] Soyo
    the body is starting to deteriorate.
[11:00] Soyo
    We're running out of time.
[11:02] Soyo
    In order to make things more efficient,
[11:04] Soyo
    we'll put the coffin on a conveyor belt,
[11:07] Soyo
    so please say your farewells
    as it goes past you.
[11:10] Kag
    What kind of farewell is that?!
[11:13] Kag
    Soyo-chan, don't let him trick you!
[11:15] Soyo
    The belt runs from this funeral
    parlor to the crematory.
SIGN    Funeral Parlor
[11:20] Soyo
    After everyone has said their farewells,
    the body will head to the crematory,
SIGN    Crematory
[11:24] Soyo
    where it'll automatically be turned
    into ashes and shipped to heaven.
SIGN    Crematory
SIGN    Venue
[11:27] Kag
    What is this, a factory?!
[11:29] Soyo
    Please make sure to be quick,
    so as to not clog up the line.
[11:35] Kag
    Hey! Could this funeral be
    any more inappropriate?!
[11:42] Oto
    Kagura...
[11:44] Oto
    How could you pass away before me?
[11:47] Oto
    How could you make me go through this?
[11:49] Oto
    You know, I saw you as my own daughter...
[11:52] Kag
    She's not done yet!
[11:53] Kag
    She's not done saying all
    those nice things yet!
[11:56] Cat
    Otose-san, you're taking too long.
[11:58] Cat
    You need to make it more compact!
[12:00] Cat
    Hey, wait!
[12:02] Tama
    Otose-sama, Catherine-sama,
[12:04] Tama
    you forgot to place your
    flowers in the coffin.
[12:06] Tama
    Hurry, give them to me!
[12:08] Tama
    Kagura-sama,
[12:10] Tama
    please rest in peace—
[12:15] Kag
    Wh-Where are you sticking them?!
[12:17] Kag
    How am I supposed to rest like this?!
[12:19] Tama
    Oh, no! Kyubei-sama!
[12:22] Tama
    Could you fix the roses, please?
[12:27] Kyu
    Wait, what?
[12:29] Kyu
    K-Kagura-chan, thanks for everything!
[12:34] Kag
    Why'd you fix the roses in my nose?!
[12:36] Tsu
    No, Kyubei! Roses, not nose!
[12:39] Tsu
    Pull out the roses!
[12:42] Tsu
    K-Kagura, I'll always be indebted to you!
[12:45] Kag
    What the hell are you guys doing?!
[12:48] Tsu
    Goodbye!
[12:53] Kag
    No, hello.
[12:56] Sac
    Hey!
[12:57] Sac
    Just how much brute strength
    have you got, Tsukki?!
[13:00] Sac
    Kagura-chan's...
[13:01] Tsu
    I-I did what I could!
[13:03] Tsu
    The rest is up to you, Sarutobi!
[13:05] Sac
    You say that after messing
    everything up? How irresponsible!
[13:11] Sac
    Push or pull, she's not budging!
[13:14] Sac
    What am I supposed to do?!
[13:15] Sac
    What should I do?!
[13:18] Sac
    Kagura-chan,
[13:19] Sac
    I'll make Gin-san happy,
[13:21] Sac
    so relax and go back to
    the afterlife already!
[13:26] Kag
    Can't breathe!
[13:27] Kon
    Hey, look.
[13:28] Kon
    What is that, Toshi?
[13:30] Kag
    Help, Toshi!
[13:32] Kag
    Somebody, anybody! Just help me!
[13:35] Hij
    I never knew there was
    a funeral rite like this.
[13:38] Hij
    Just what kind of religion was she a part of?
[13:40] Kon
    At times like these,
[13:42] Kon
    it doesn't matter if she
    was a friend or an enemy.
[13:44] Kon
    Let's give her a proper send-off, too.
[13:47] Kag
    No!
[13:48] Kag
    As if there'd ever be a
    funeral rite like this!
[13:51] Kag
    I'll die!
[13:52] Kag
    If I get hit with that, I'll die for real!
[13:54] Kag
    Speed up, conveyor belt!
[13:58] Hij
    We can't catch up!
[13:59] Kon
    Hang in there, Toshi!
[14:01] Kon
    Don't give up!
[14:02] Kag
    No, don't try so hard!
[14:04] Hij
    How pathetic of us.
[14:06] Hij
    Can't we even give a kid a proper send-off?!
[14:09] Kon
    We can! We can do this!
[14:12] Kon
    Let's throw this boulder onto that coffin!
[14:15] Kag
    I can't tell if these idiots
    are nice or evil!
[14:19] Tae
    What are you two doing?
[14:22] Kag
    Boss lady!
[14:24] Tae
    Why are you two carrying that boulder?
[14:28] Kag
    You're a lifesaver!
[14:29] Kag
    Stop those morons!
[14:32] Tae
    Why didn't you ask me for help?
[14:35] Kag
    That's what you take issue with?!
[14:37] Kon
    Otae-san!
[14:38] Tae
    Thank you, Kondo-san, Hijikata-san.
[14:41] Tae
    You're going so far for Kagura-chan...
[14:44] Tae
    Let's work together.
[14:46] Kag
    Hey!
[14:47] Kag
    They usually mix like oil and water, so why
    are they cooperating now, of all times?!
[15:01] Kon
    Let's do this!
[15:02] Kag
    Run away!
[15:03] Kag
    Run for it, conveyor belt!
[15:09] Hij
    Crap, it's a slope!
[15:10] Kon
    No! The boulder!
[15:13] Kag
    Nice. Now the boulder's done for.
[15:32] Kat
    I can't see you on the other side of the
    boulder, but I'll take over from here!
[15:38] Hij
    I can't see you on the other side of the
    boulder, but I'll leave the rest to you.
[15:42] Kag
    What?! Now they decide to help each
    other out, regardless of allegiances?!
[15:47] Kat
    Just you wait, Leader!
SIGN    Distance to Crematory
[15:51] Kag
    These mortal enemies have
    joined forces to try to kill me!
[15:59] W
    Hang in there!
[16:00] G
    Don't lose hope!
[16:01] Kag
    Who are you cheering for?!
[16:06] Kag
    Who are you singing for?!
[16:17] Kag
    Who is this funeral for?!
[16:20] Mad
    Now's your chance, guys!
[16:22] Mad
    While I'm offsetting the conveyor belt's motion,
[16:25] Mad
    crush the coffin along with me!
[16:28] Kag
    Just how badly do you guys
    want to send me off?!
[16:32] Kat
    Here we go, everyone!
[16:34] Kat
    Leader...
[16:36] All
    Goodbye!
[16:45] Kag
    Oh my God.
[16:47] Kag
    I can't believe this is actually
    gonna end up becoming my funeral.
[16:51] Kag
    Is this my punishment for getting
    mad over a trivial dispute
[16:55] Kag
    and faking illness to test
    their feelings for me?
[16:59] Kag
    But I never needed to.
    I already knew how they felt.
[17:03] Kag
    They ran around in circles
    and killed me in the end,
[17:07] Kag
    but they all came together for me.
[17:10] Kag
    They were all genuinely worried about me.
[17:15] Kag
    They all cried real tears for me.
[17:20] Kag
    And yet, I... I...
[17:23] Kag
    I should've said that one simple thing sooner...
[17:50] Shin
    Sorry, everyone.
[17:52] Shin
    While your desire to give Kagura-chan
    a proper send-off makes us happy,
[17:57] Shin
    we can't bid farewell to her just yet.
[18:01] Shin
    There's something we need to tell her first.
[18:11] Gin
    I forgot to return your parasol.
[18:14] Gin
    In truth, I thought about
    holding on to it as a memento,
[18:19] Gin
    but never mind raindrops or sunshine,
[18:21] Gin
    you're a girl even boulders rain down on.
[18:25] Gin
    You'll probably need this
    in heaven, too, right?
[18:29] Gin
    Kagura...
[18:33] Bo
    Sorry.
[18:35] Bo
    Huh?
[18:40] Kag
    Oh, crap. I said that out loud.
[18:49] Tae
    Uh, did Kagura-chan speak just now?
[18:53] Gin
    Sh-She didn't!
[18:54] Gin
    What's wrong with you?
[18:56] Shin
    After all the money and help we received,
[18:58] Shin
    there's no way we could play the
    "actually, she's still alive" card!
[19:02] Gin
    She's completely dead, right?
[19:03] Gin
    Yeah, no doubt about it!
[19:04] Gin
    She's dead!
[19:05] Shin
    Shall we continue the funeral?
[19:07] Shin
    Let's burn her to a crisp already!
[19:09] Tae
    Didn't she say "sorry"?
[19:11] Gin
    She didn't!
[19:12] Tae
    Could she have faked an illness
    to get back at you after a fight?
[19:15] Gin
    Of course not!
[19:17] Kag
    Crap.
[19:24] Gin
    Th-This is bad. I feel
    sick all of a sudden...
[19:27] Shin
    I-I'm sorry, but I don't feel too good,
[19:30] Shin
    so could we postpone the
    service to a later date?
[19:33] Tae
    Oh, no need to worry.
[19:35] Tae
    That illness you have is already terminal.
[19:40] Tae
    Let's resume...
[19:43] All
    ...the funeral for the three of you.
[19:45] Gin
    Wait! I didn't do anything wrong!
[19:47] Gin
    If you wanna cremate someone, cremate her!
[19:49] Kag
    What are you talking about?!
[19:50] Kag
    In the first place, this is all because you—
[19:51] Shin
    Sis, I'm just a victim here!
[19:54] Shin
    I just got mixed up in this!
[20:08] Soyo
    What a relief.
[20:10] Oki
    You can say that again.
SIGN    One Editor Is Enough
SIGN    The G-Pen Is Capricious, and the Maru Pen Is Stubborn
[21:45] Sha
    Next episode: "One Editor Is Enough," and
[21:48] Sha
    "The G-Pen Is Capricious,
    and the Maru Pen Is Stubborn."
SIGN    Preview
[21:51] Sha
    A double feature!
[21:52] Sha
    They're both about us, Akurogi Musai,
    and our road to manga stardom, Bro!
SIGN    This Winter
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    takes a sudden turn.
[22:05] Zen
    This isn't exciting.
[22:06] Zen
    Rather than guarding the shogun,
    assassinating him sounds way more exciting.
[22:11] Sac
    You've really forgotten, huh?
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Shogun Assassination Arc
[22:15] Soyo
    Brother?
[22:17] Soyo
    Brother.
[22:19] Soyo
    Jeez, Brother!
[22:22] Sho
    Oh, Soyo.
[22:25] Sho
    Forgive me. I was lost in thought.
[22:28] Soyo
    Brother!
[22:29] Sho
    Don't tell me, it was poisoned?
SIGN    The Shogun Assassination Plot
SIGN    is put into motion.
SIGN    Enemy...
[22:33] Nbnb
    Shigeshige,
[22:34] Nbnb
    you no longer have any
    allies in this country.
[22:38] Mat
    Let's fight together for a buddy!
SIGN    Ally...
[22:42] Mat
    I'm counting on you, buddies.
[22:43] Mat
    And you too,
[22:45] Mat
    double.
[22:47] Gin
    Uh, not that I care, but
    could you hurry it up?
[22:50] Bo
    Why are you the double?!
[22:53] Oki
    I'm on your side, you know.
SIGN    Or Traitor?
[22:56] Kam
    Aren't you the same?
[22:58] Kam
    You have the eyes of a killer.
[23:00] Kon
    You're the only ones who can.
[23:02] Kag
    What are you so afraid of?
[23:04] Shin
    Gin-san...
[23:05] Shin
    Just what's going to happen to the world now?
[23:16] Tak
    Took you long enough.
[23:17] Tak
    I got sick of waiting for you,
[23:20] Tak
    Gintoki.
[23:27] Gin
    Before dawn.
[23:28] Gin
    The night is darkest just before the dawn.
SIGN    The past
    and
    the truth
SIGN    are revealed.
[23:31] Gin
    But keep your eyes open.
[23:35] Gin
    I'm Sakata Gintoki,
    disciple of Yoshida Shoyo!
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Shogun Assassination Arc
[23:44] Sho
    Zenzo...
[23:45] Sho
    I leave the rest to you.
SIGN    Begins airing December 2.
SIGN    The story
SIGN    begins to unfold.

E298 - One Editor Is Enough / The G-Pen Is Capricious, and the Maru Pen Is Stubborn

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Shachi's request: Watch this program in a bright room
    and at a safe distance from your TV!!
[01:31] Sha
    Excuse me.
[01:33] Sha
    Sensei, my bowel volvulus is acting up again.
    Can I get some rest on the bed here?
[01:39] Dr
    Shachi-san, just how many times are you
     going to get your bowels in a bunch?
[01:43] Dr
    This infirmary doesn't exist
    for inmates to nap, you know.
[01:47] Sha
    No, it really does feel like they've
    twisted three and a half times over.
[01:50] Sha
    My bowels have turned into a bowknot,
    and the pain is making me bawl.
[01:53] Dr
    You just want to say "bowel"
    over and over, don't you?
[01:56] Sha
    Ouch!
[01:56] Sha
    Ow, ow, ow! It hurts!
[01:59] Dr
    Sheesh.
[02:01] Dr
    I'll throw you out if I find
    that you're faking it, okay?
[02:09] Sha
    All right!
[02:11] Sha
    I'm gonna stay up all night
    and finish this manuscript!
[02:14] Sha
    I have to get it done by the manga
    award entry deadline tomorrow!
[02:18] Sha
    Here I can focus without
    worrying about the guards.
[02:21] Sha
    Bro, let's grab hold of our
    dreams this time for sure!
[02:39] Sha
    Shoot!
[02:40] Sha
    I dozed off!
[02:42] Sha
    Huh? Where's my manuscript?
[02:48] Sha
    Y-You've got it wrong.
[02:51] Sha
    That's—
[02:57] Dr
    Yeah, I guess reading something this hilarious
    could definitely twist up your guts.
[03:06] Sha
    S-Sensei...
SIGN    One Editor Is Enough
SIGN    Visiting Room
[03:14] Gin
    "Hot for Sensei"?
[03:16] Gin
    What, so you want to turn it
    into a rom-com manga
[03:18] Gin
    about forbidden love between
    teacher and student?
[03:20] Gin
    That's so stale.
[03:22] Gin
    Even prehistoric rom-coms
    don't go down that route.
[03:26] Gin
    Instead of that, focus on the story
[03:27] Gin
    about the pajama-wearing
    daughter of a mafia boss
[03:29] Gin
    getting it on daily with the son of a hokage
[03:31] Gin
    whose private parts are rubber and
    thus doesn't need to use rubbers.
[03:34] Sha
    I'm talking about myself, not the manga.
[03:37] Gin
    Huh?
[03:38] Sha
    There's a doctor, Narutaki-sensei,
    in this prison's infirmary.
[03:42] Sha
    A while back, she read my manga and
    found it so hilarious, she was laughing.
[03:46] Sha
    Since then, I've visited her
    frequently to show her my manga,
[03:49] Sha
    and seeing her laugh gives me
    this tight feeling in my chest.
[03:54] Sha
    You know how I am.
    I've never actually been in love,
[03:58] Sha
    but I wonder if this pain in
    my chest means I love her...
[04:03] Gin
    Nah, you're probably imagining things.
[04:10] Sha
    Wh-What was that for, Bro?!
[04:12] Gin
    You bumbling moron.
[04:14] Gin
    Is that why the characters
    in your manga lately
[04:16] Gin
    have all worn glasses,
[04:19] Gin
    or have all been weather ladies?
[04:23] Sha
    The weather ladies were your doing!
[04:25] Gin
    "Is this love,"
[04:27] Gin
    my ass!
[04:28] Gin
    Quit being a sissy and ask her out!
[04:32] Gin
    Start your prison romance already!
[04:34] Sha
    Wait, you're actually rooting for me?
[04:36] Sha
    Why'd you hit me, then?
[04:38] Gin
    This is the perfect chance to
    do research for rom-com manga.
[04:41] Sha
    But she's a doctor, you know!
[04:43] Sha
    She's way out of my league!
[04:45] Sha
    Besides, I've never asked anyone out.
[04:48] Gin
    You may not be able to deliver
    smooth pick-up lines,
[04:50] Gin
    but you can compose witty ones.
[04:54] Gin
    In other words, you just have to
    seduce her using your forte, manga.
[04:58] Sha
    Using manga?
[05:04] Gin
    I'm stuck.
[05:06] Sha
    What's wrong, Gintoki-san?
[05:08] Gin
    Shachiko-sensei...
[05:09] Gin
    I'm having trouble with
    the storyboard, you see.
[05:11] Sha
    My, that's not good.
[05:13] Gin
    Could you take a look for me?
[05:16] Sha
    Let's see.
SIGN    I want to take you out, Sensei.
[05:18] Gin
    This line is finalized,
[05:21] Gin
    but I can't come up with a good one here.
[05:24] Gin
    If this were you, Shachiko-sensei,
    how would you answer?
[05:31] Sha
    "Yes," I guess?
[05:36] Sha
    Bro! I said "yes" without thinking!
[05:40] Gin
    Right?
[05:41] Gin
    Only a mangaka could ask
    someone out this way, right?
[05:43] Sha
    In that case, there's no time to waste!
[05:46] Sha
    I have manga to draw!
[05:48] Sha
    Just you wait, Bro!
[05:49] Sha
    I'll definitely be back with good news!
SIGN    Sensei and Me
    Akurogi Musai
[05:56] Sen
    What am I gonna do with you?
    You're always getting into fights.
[05:59] Sen
    This is an infirmary, not a field hospital.
[06:02] Sen
    Got that, my little soldier?
[06:04] Sen
    But I wish the students on my
    fencing team were that determined.
[06:09] C
    I didn't get into a fight.
[06:12] Sen
    Huh?
[06:12] C
    I cut myself with a pointed object.
[06:15] Sen
    Why would you do something like that?
[06:18] C
    There was something I wanted to tell you.
[06:21] C
    I want to take you out, Sensei!
[06:23] Sen
    Bring it on.
[06:24] Sen
    Welcome to the fencing team,
[06:26] Sen
    Chosokabe-kun.
[06:29] Gin
    I see.
[06:30] Gin
    So he's going to join the fencing team, huh?
[06:34] Sha
    Bro...
[06:35] Sha
    How did it come to this?
SIGN    Take out on a date
SIGN    Take out physically
[06:37] Gin
    She must've misinterpreted the "take out."
[06:41] Sha
    But this isn't a sports manga!
[06:43] Sha
    The protagonist isn't named Chosokabe!
[06:46] Gin
    I don't know about Chosokabe,
[06:48] Gin
    but man, this is what you get for
    making her the fencing team's advisor.
[06:52] Gin
    And needless lines like "I cut
    myself with a pointed object"
[06:55] Gin
    made her recognize
    Chosokabe's fencing skills.
[06:59] Gin
    Why is this manga character
    a sensei too, anyway?
[07:03] Gin
    With this, even if you asked her out,
[07:04] Gin
    how could she tell if you're
    saying it to this sensei
[07:07] Gin
    or to the actual sensei?
[07:10] Sha
    Which sensei are you talking about?
[07:12] Gin
    That sensei.
[07:14] Sha
    Which sensei is that sensei?
[07:16] Gin
    Which sensei is the sensei
    you're talking about?
[07:21] Sha
    What do I do, Bro?
[07:23] Sha
    Sensei said she can't wait to read more.
[07:26] Gin
    Which sensei are you talking about?
[07:28] Sha
    That sensei.
[07:30] Gin
    You know what to do.
[07:31] Gin
    He'll have to join the fencing
    team and ask her out once again.
[07:35] Sha
    But I don't know much about fencing.
[07:38] Sha
    And the protagonist's name isn't Chosokabe.
[07:41] Gin
    Just let the Chosokabe thing go already.
[07:43] Gin
    Let's go with Chosokabe.
SIGN    Visiting Room
[07:44] Gin
    Wrap up the fencing thing quickly
    and somehow ask her out once again.
SIGN    Sensei and Me
SIGN    Chapter 2
[07:48] Sign
    Akurogi Musai
[07:50] C
    It's no good! I don't have
    any talent for fencing!
[07:54] C
    I can't take this anymore!
[07:55] C
    I even went from Chosokabe to Mikoshiba
    because my parents divorced!
[07:59] Sen
    Cheer up. I'm rooting for you.
[08:03] C
    Sensei, those aren't the
    words I want to hear!
[08:07] C
    Go out with me, Sensei.
[08:09] Sen
    "Go out with me, Sensei."
[08:12] Sen
    Happy now?
[08:13] Sen
    Now get back to practice, Chosokabe-kun.
[08:15] Sha
    That's not what I meant!
[08:18] Sha
    She thought "Go out with me, Sensei"
    were the words he wanted to hear!
[08:22] Sha
    And she refuses to let him
    quit the fencing team!
[08:26] Sha
    Also, he said his parents got divorced,
[08:27] Sha
    so why does she insist
    on calling him Chosokabe?
[08:30] Gin
    I told you, just let the
    Chosokabe thing go already.
[08:34] Gin
    You know what?
[08:35] Gin
    Sensei's speech bubbles are too large.
[08:38] Gin
    It's because you leave so much space that
    she can put in these needless lines.
[08:41] Gin
    At this point,
[08:42] Gin
    you should make the bubble so
    tiny that only "yes" will fit.
[08:45] Sha
    Oh, I get it.
SIGN    Sensei and Me
SIGN    Chapter 3
[08:47] Sign
    Akurogi Musai
[08:48] C
    I understand, Sensei.
[08:50] C
    I'll do my best at fencing.
[08:52] C
    Goodbye!
[08:56] C
    I'm sorry, Sensei.
[08:58] C
    My body gan't hamdle fenjing anymore...
[09:02] C
    No madder what anyone says,
    no madder how I sdruggle,
[09:05] C
    my body gan never hamdle fenjing.
[09:09] Sen
    You've done enough.
[09:11] Sen
    You did your best.
[09:13] Sen
    I won't tell you to fence anymore.
[09:17] Sen
    I'll never call you Chosokabe again,
[09:20] Sen
    so please...
[09:21] C
    Th-Thank goodness...
[09:23] C
    Can I ask you for one last thing?
[09:28] C
    Please go out with me, Sensei.
[09:31] Sen
    stab
[09:33] C
    S-Sensei!
[09:35] M
    Hmph. You are weak.
[09:37] M
    That is why you fail to
    protect the ones you love.
[09:40] C
    D-Dad!
[09:42] M
    You have no right to call yourself a
    Mikoshiba when you can't even fence!
[09:46] M
    Rest in peace in a Chosokabe grave!
[09:50] Sen
    Mikoshiba Yu.
[09:51] Sen
    One of the Fencing Elite Four.
[09:52] Sen
    Unable to cope with marrying into the
    Chosokabe family, he decided to get a divorce.
[09:56] Gin
    Well, it is standard practice
    to insert an enemy here.
[09:59] Gin
    She's good, that Sensei.
[10:01] Sha
    Don't be impressed!
[10:03] Sha
    This is something there's no going back from!
[10:06] Sha
    Sensei's gone, so he can't ask her out.
[10:08] Sha
    And he can't even take
    back the Mikoshiba name
[10:10] Sha
    because he's incapable of fencing now!
[10:12] Sha
    It's all over!
[10:13] Gin
    Don't give up until the bitter end!
[10:15] Gin
    There's gotta be something...
[10:17] Gin
    There's gotta be a way!
SIGN    Sensei and Me
SIGN    Chapter 4
[10:18] Sign
    Akurogi Musai
[10:19] C
    You'll pay for this!
[10:21] C
    How dare you do this to Sensei?!
[10:25] M
    I-Impossible!
[10:26] M
    Didn't you say you can't fence anymore?
[10:31] C
    I did say that,
[10:34] C
    but it was fenjing.
[10:35] (Flashback) C
    I'm sorry, Sensei.
[10:38] (Flashback) C
    My body gan't hamdle fenjing anymore...
[10:42] C
    I can handle fencing just fine, though.
[10:45] M
    N-No way! Fenjing?!
[10:48] M
    Then are you saying you're
    not actually a Chosokabe,
[10:51] M
    but a Mikoshiba?!
[10:53] C
    Can you stop the ultimate
    fencing move Sensei taught me,
[10:58] C
    the "Go Out With Me, Sensei"?!
[11:01] M
    Then I shall respond with
    everything in my power!
[11:04] M
    With my ultimate move,
[11:06] M
    "Yes"!
[11:07] C
    Here I come!
[11:10] C
    Go Out With Me, Sensei!
[11:12] M
    Thank you for reading!
[11:15] M
    Look forward to Akurogi-sensei's next work!
[11:20] Sha
    The serialization got cancelled!
[11:23] Sha
    It's no good, after all!
[11:24] Gin
    Not yet!
[11:26] Gin
    We're not done just yet!
SIGN    Sensei and Me
SIGN    Akurogi Musai
[11:28] Sign
    Go out with me, Narutaki-sensei.
    - Akurogi
[11:28] Gin
    There's still the afterword!
[11:35] Dr
    "Akurogi-sensei,
[11:37] Dr
    I'm not Narutaki.
[11:39] Dr
    My pen name has changed.
[11:41] Dr
    - Chosokabe."
[11:49] Sha
    Wh-What'd you say, Bro?
[11:51] Gin
    Like I said, it's here.
[11:54] Gin
    Our Jump debut.
[11:56] Sha
    For real?!
[11:57] Sha
    That said, we're only filler.
[11:59] Sha
    Gintaman's taking the week off,
    so we'll be filling in for it.
[12:02] Sha
    Apparently the mangaka,
    a gorilla, ran into a forest.
[12:04] Sha
    I-I can't believe it!
[12:06] Sha
    I-I'm not dreaming, right?
[12:08] Sha
    I'm not gonna wake up in
    front of a guillotine, right?
[12:11] Sha
    However, we only have until
    early tomorrow morning
[12:14] Sha
    to turn this 19-page storyboard
    into a finished manuscript.
[12:18] Sha
    B-By tomorrow?!
[12:19] Sha
    That's absurd!
[12:21] Gin
    I had a feeling this day would come,
[12:24] Gin
    so I gathered them beforehand...
[12:26] Gin
    The greatest team of manga assistants,
[12:29] Gin
    the Akurogi Gang.
SIGN    The G-Pen Is Capricious,
    and the Maru Pen Is Stubborn
[12:40] Sha
    Bro, how much longer is the
    Akurogi Gang gonna take?
[12:42] Sha
    We're running out of time.
[12:44] Sha
    I knew it! It was impossible to sneak
    them into this prison, wasn't it?
[12:47] Sha
    Damn it!
[12:49] Sha
    What the hell have I been doing with my life?
[12:53] Sha
    God of Manga,
[12:55] Sha
    I don't care if I never get outta here.
[12:58] Sha
    But please, don't take this dream...
[13:00] Sha
    Don't take our dream—
[13:01] Gin
    Give it a rest.
[13:04] Gin
    Your pretty lines are starting to break down,
[13:08] Gin
    Akurogi-sensei.
[13:10] Sha
    B-Bro!
[13:11] Gin
    Sorry to keep you waiting, Shachi.
[13:13] Gin
    With these chosen ones,
    the greatest team of assistants,
[13:16] Gin
    the manuscript will be done before dawn!
[13:21] Gin
    This is our Akurogi Gang!
[13:23] Gin
    First, the assistant in charge of screentone:
[13:30] Gin
    the Slasher,
SIGN    Takuma of the Short Sword
[13:31] Gin
    Takuma of the Short Sword!
[13:33] Gin
    Sentenced to 280 years!
[13:36] Gin
    Just like all the panties on
    balconies his long nails have cut,
[13:39] Gin
    there are no tones he can't cut!
[13:42] Gin
    Next, the one in charge
    of inking and outlining:
[13:45] Gin
    Ango the Jet Black Sniper!
SIGN    Ango the Jet Black Sniper
[13:47] Gin
    Sentenced to 320 years!
[13:49] Gin
    Nothing gives him more joy than
    staining a pure white canvas!
[13:53] Gin
    There are no whites he can't blot out!
[13:56] Gin
    And lastly, the one in charge of panty shots:
[13:58] Gin
    Loincloth Mask the Underwear Thief!
SIGN    Loincloth Mask the Underwear Thief
[14:01] Sha
    They're all just panty thieves!
[14:04] Sha
    Wait a second.
[14:05] Sha
    Aren't you all inmates here?!
[14:07] Sha
    Where are the assistants?
[14:08] Sha
    Where is the Akurogi Gang?!
[14:10] Gin
    I had a hard time finding guys who
    seemed useful in a prison, you know.
[14:14] Sha
    They're useless!
[14:15] Sha
    Never mind experience as assistants,
[14:17] Sha
    the only thing on their
    résumés are criminal records!
[14:19] Sha
    They've never drawn manga, have they?
[14:22] UT
    I can draw panties.
[14:24] SS
    I can cut tones of panties.
SIGN    I want to stain panties.
[14:27] Sha
    You guys don't want to draw
    anything but panties, do you?!
[14:30] Gin
    You can put pen to paper for other
    stuff and not just panties, right?
[14:33] UT
    Of course.
[14:35] UT
    "My long-standing wish to draw
    panties in Jump has come true.
[14:37] UT
    Instead of fan mail, I'll
    be waiting for fan panties.
[14:40] UT
    - Musai."
[14:40] Sha
    Who needs assistants to write afterwords?!
[14:43] Sha
    In the end, it's about nothing but panties!
[14:45] Sha
    Everyone will hate us!
[14:46] SS
    Not necessarily.
[14:48] SS
    "Akurogi-kun, my former assistant,
    has made his Jump debut.
[14:51] SS
    His style of drawing panties
    left a mark on my heart.
[14:52] SS
    I'll be waiting for more panties.
[14:54] SS
    - Hideaki."
[14:54] Sha
    Don't go rewriting other people's comments!
[14:57] Sha
    And why would you make the
    Gintama mangaka welcome this?
[14:59] Sha
    He doesn't have any friends!
SIGN    Looking for Friends!!
    
    Sorachi Hideaki Gintama
    
    What does he look for in friends?
    1) Talk to me first.
    2) Only talk about manga, games, and anime.
    3) Don't invite me out often.
    4) Actually, don't invite me out at all.
    5) Panties.
[15:01] Sha
    What do you mean, looking for friends?!
[15:04] Sha
    A public execution in the style
    of an assistant classified?!
[15:06] Sha
    Knock it off!
[15:08] Sha
    Forget panties and afterwords!
[15:09] Sha
    We don't have time for this crap!
[15:12] Gin
    We know.
[15:13] Gin
    Shachi, you just focus on
    inking the characters for now.
[15:18] Gin
    I'll give these guys instructions.
[15:20] Sha
    But...
[15:22] Gin
    I told you, we'll be fine.
[15:24] Gin
    Believe it or not, these
    guys trained for this.
[15:27] Sha
    Trained?
[15:28] Gin
    Okay. You first, Takkun.
[15:30] SS
    Your wish is my command.
    I shall cut anything you want.
[15:33] Sha
    He's become good friends with a slasher!
[15:36] Gin
    Apply this tone here.
[15:38] SS
    Piece of cake.
[15:39] Gin
    You haven't forgotten
    what I taught you, right?
[15:41] SS
    Who do you think I am?
[15:44] SS
    If you apply too much pressure
    when cutting off the tone,
[15:47] SS
    you risk cutting even the manuscript.
[15:50] SS
    Just like cutting only panties
    loose from clothespins,
[15:53] SS
    I merely have to cut the tone free
[15:55] SS
    in a gentle-yet-bold manner, right?
[15:59] Sha
    He's already grasped the fundamentals
    of dealing with tones.
[16:02] Sha
    No, that's not all!
[16:04] Sha
    His crime, the work he did
    in cutting off only panties,
[16:08] Sha
    was a delicate art resembling
    dealing with tones in itself!
[16:12] Sha
    Did Bro put him in charge of the
    tones because he realized that?
[16:16] Gin
    All right. Take care of it.
[16:18] Sha
    Forget dealing with tones,
    he can't even deal with daily life!
[16:22] SS
    Sharpening my claws for
    today came back to bite me.
[16:25] Sha
    More importantly, don't come to be
    my assistant with hands like that!
[16:28] SS
    I apologize.
[16:29] SS
    I'll fix it.
[16:31] SS
    "Sensei picked on me at work,
    but I'm doing just fine.
[16:35] SS
    I'll be waiting for panties.
[16:36] SS
    - Takkun."
[16:37] Sha
    What are you fixing?!
[16:38] Sha
    An assistant shouldn't be
    using the afterword to bitch!
[16:41] Gin
    Okay. Next up, An-chan.
[16:46] Sha
    These guys aren't even
    dressed for assistant work.
[16:50] Gin
    You ink all these areas
    with x-marks in black.
[16:55] Gin
    That's the way.
[16:56] Gin
    Right, make sure to stay in the lines.
[16:58] Gin
    You've got a knack for this.
[16:59] Sha
    Yeah, there's an x-mark on my face,
[17:02] Sha
    but could you ink the manuscripts instead?
SIGN    Does he not realize that I did it on purpose?
    Oh, just talking to myself. -Ango
[17:05] Sha
    What's with the spiteful afterword?!
[17:08] Sha
    Your heart is blacker than the manuscript!
[17:12] SS
    "He looked like he was proud of that pun.
    Kinda infuriating, wasn't it?
[17:15] SS
    -Takkun."
SIGN    And his retorts are too long, lol. Though I didn't bother listening to most of it. - Ango
[17:20] Sha
    Quit using the afterwords
    to have a conversation!
SIGN    Sensei, what should I do? -Loincloth
[17:22] UT
    "Sensei, what should I do?"
[17:26] Gin
    "Well, there aren't any panty shots yet,
    so add the speech bubbles or something."
[17:31] Sha
    Use your mouth!
[17:32] Sha
    Give him the instructions directly!
SIGN    Hiroshi-kun, I love you. - Sachiko
SIGN    Sachiko-chan, I love you too. - Hiroshi
[17:36] Sha
    Now even the manga speech
    bubbles look like afterwords!
[17:39] Sha
    Forget it! Just forget it!
[17:41] Sha
    Forget about inking and tones now!
[17:44] Sha
    Finishing the character
    and background art so that
[17:47] Sha
    this manga is at least readable
    is the priority here.
[17:50] Sha
    Let me concentrate.
[17:52] Gin
    Okay, got it.
[17:54] Gin
    Then we'll split up the
    pages and ink your line art.
[17:58] Sha
    Wait a second, Bro.
[17:59] Sha
    If we make amateurs do that,
    the lines will be a mess!
[18:02] Gin
    It'll be fine.
[18:03] Gin
    Any idiot can trace over lines, right?
[18:09] Gin
    Listen up, you guys.
    Make sure to stay in the lines.
[18:12] Gin
    If you can't even manage this simple task,
[18:14] Gin
    you'll be fired on the spot—
[19:06] Gin
    Was there a character like this?
[19:08] Gin
    Was she more realistic?
[19:10] Gin
    No, she might've been deformed, too.
[19:13] Gin
    Wait, before all that, I think
    there's something missing.
SIGN    Thanks for the hat.
[19:16] Gin
    Oh, it's the hat!
[19:18] Gin
    The heroine receives a hat from
    the protagonist at the end!
[19:21] Gin
    What was it like?
[19:22] Gin
    What kind of hat did Shachi draw?
[19:26] Gin
    The last four pages, with the heroine
    wearing the hat, are with them!
[19:31] Gin
    What do I do?
[19:41] Gin
    How's it going?
[19:42] Gin
    You guys are taking this pretty seriously.
[19:45] UT
    I never imagined it'd be this difficult.
[19:48] UT
    This hat in particular is complicated.
[19:51] Gin
    Let me take a look.
[19:56] Gin
    Was the hat like this?
[19:59] Gin
    It's just a pair of panties!
[20:01] Gin
    Or so I'd like to say...
[20:03] UT
    What do you think?
[20:06] Gin
    Come to think of it, I get the feeling
    the hat looked a lot like panties.
[20:10] Gin
    All right, I guess—
[20:11] SS
    That can't be right.
[20:13] SS
    The heroine would never wear
    something so vulgar on her head.
[20:16] Gin
    R-Right?
[20:17] Gin
    You know the heroine would
    never wear something like this!
[20:20] Gin
    Are you stupid?!
[20:21] Gin
    I mean, these are panties—
[20:23] SS
    Frilly panties are what
    the heroine is wearing.
[20:25] Gin
    It's still a pair of panties!
[20:28] UT
    But I drew it according to the line art.
[20:30] SS
    As did I.
[20:32] Gin
    So it was panties, right?
[20:34] Gin
    Both of them drew panties,
[20:35] Gin
    so it was panties all along, right?
SIGN    You two, that's not the problem.
SIGN    You forgot to stain the panties.
[20:43] Gin
    No, you're the biggest problem here!
[20:46] Gin
    If nothing else, I can tell you're wrong!
[20:47] SS
    Which is the real pair of panties?
[20:49] Gin
    I can tell yours isn't right!
[20:50] UT
    The art will be inconsistent like this.
[20:51] SS
    Oh, Sensei.
[20:53] SS
    What are yours like?
[20:56] Gin
    Huh? Er...
[20:57] Gin
    I, uh...
[20:59] Gin
    I prefer going commando, actually.
[21:01] UT
    We couldn't care less about
    your filthy underwear.
[21:04] UT
    We meant the heroine's panties.
[21:05] Gin
    She can go commando, too.
[21:07] Gin
    Jump's all about making readers dream.
[21:09] SS
    You're getting it all wrong.
[21:10] SS
    We want you to show us your panties.
[21:13] Gin
    Why mine?
[21:14] SS
    Quit keeping it from us.
[21:17] Sha
    Crap!
[21:19] Sha
    I was so tired, I dozed off!
[21:21] Sha
    This is the worst!
[21:23] Sha
    What about the manuscript?
SIGN    Did you sleep well? We finished the manuscript, so get some rest. Good work, really. - Akurogi Gang
[21:26] Gin
    Did you sleep well?
[21:27] Gin
    We finished the manuscript, so get some rest.
[21:31] Gin
    Good work, really.
[21:33] Gin
    -Akurogi Gang.
[21:38] Sha
    B-Bro...
[21:40] Sha
    Guys...
[21:42] Sha
    Thank you.
[21:44] ED
    Man, I was shocked.
[21:47] ED
    I honestly thought there was no
    way you could finish in time.
[21:50] Sha
    I owe it all to everyone in the Akurogi Gang.
[21:54] ED
    It's just...
[21:55] ED
    The first half was great,
[21:58] ED
    but the last four pages
[22:00] ED
    don't show the heroine's face.
SIGN    Preview
[23:35] Shin
    Gin-san, when you see a sword, can you
    tell what kind of person is using it?
[23:39] Gin
    Swords, watches, and cars are
    status indicators for samurai.
[23:42] Gin
    They tell you a lot.
[23:43] Kag
    What does this sword say, Gin-chan?
[23:45] Gin
    So next episode, we have
    a swordsmith and one more.
SIGN    Strike When the Sword
    and Overlord are Hot
    
    Oil Rain
SIGN    The other story next episode
SIGN    focuses on Tama the robot maid.
SIGN    It's a slightly moist story
SIGN    about rain and cigarettes.

E298.5 - Gintama Jump Special Anime Festa 2015

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:34] Sign
    Since the anime adaptation of
    Gintama was announced,
[01:38] Sign
    10 years have already passed.
[01:42] Sign
    September 2005, Jump Anime Tour
SIGN    First Ever Screening
[01:47] Sign
    April 4th, 2006
[01:47] Sign
    The Gintama TV Series begins airing.
[01:52] Sign
    April 24th, 2010
SIGN    fad(420,450)\i1}Gintama: The Movie: Benizakura
    Arc Retelling* opens in theaters.
[01:57] Sign
    April 4th, 2011
[01:57] Sign
    Season 2 of the Gintama TV Series begins airing.
[02:02] Sign
    July 6th, 2013
[02:02] Sign
    fad(420,457)\i1}Gintama The Movie: The Final Chapter:
    Be Forever Odd Jobs* opens in theaters.
[02:07] Sign
    April 8th, 2015
[02:07] Sign
    Season 3 of the Gintama TV Series begins airing.
[02:12] Sign
    And now, this winter,
[02:16] Sign
    the Gintama anime faces up to
[02:19] Sign
    its biggest incident ever.
[02:41] Shin
    Huh?
[02:42] Shin
    Uh, excuse me. What the heck is this?
[02:45] Shin
    Nothing's happening.
[02:47] Shin
    The incident called "Nothing's
    Happening" is happening right now.
[02:50] Shin
    What's wrong?
[02:51] Shin
    Is the equipment malfunctioning?
[02:54] Shin
    Should I make an announcement or something?
[02:56] Gin
    Hey, Kagura. Light it up already.
[02:58] Kag
    I'm trying, but the lighter isn't working.
[03:02] Shin
    Hey, what the hell are you guys doing?!
[03:04] Shin
    The screen's been pitch
    black for a while now!
[03:06] Gin
    You make the room pitch black before lighting the candles on a cake, right?
[03:09] Shin
    Huh? Wait, what?
[03:11] Shin
    The room's lights have been switched off?
[03:12] Shin
    It's not a black screen for
    visual effect or anything?
[03:15] Kag
    Yeah, this lighter isn't working.
[03:17] Gin
    Man, and here I thought we
    could make things exciting.
[03:20] Gin
    Way to rain on my parade.
[03:21] Shin
    We're the ones raining on the parade
    of the Anime Festa visitors!
[03:24] Shin
    How long are you gonna
    show them a black screen?!
[03:26] Kag
    Don't worry, Shinpachi.
[03:28] Kag
    This cake is a rip-off of the
    one that a certain guy,
[03:30] Kag
    wearing nothing but an apron, tried to give a
    delinquent who sounds just like Gin-chan.
[03:34] Kag
    Once we turn on the lights, there'll
    be a colorful cake right here!
SIGN    Kagura
[03:37] Shin
    It's completely white!
SIGN    Shinpachi
SIGN    Gintoki
[03:40] Gin
    For real? It wasn't decorated yet, huh?
SIGN    Kagura
[03:42] Kag
    We couldn't tell 'cause it was inside a box.
SIGN    Shinpachi
[03:45] Shin
    You guys are completely white, too!
SIGN    Shinpachi
[03:47] Shin
    Wait, so am I!
[03:49] Shin
    What the hell?!
SIGN    Shinpachi
[03:50] Shin
    Putting out such crude visuals for
    the Anime Festa is unheard of!
[03:53] Shin
    Shueisha's gonna kill us!
SIGN    Gintoki
[03:55] Gin
    This is what happens when you try to animate
    something new mid-season with no money.
[03:59] Kag
    We're nothing like high-quality
    anime such as Haikyu!!
SIGN    Kagura
[04:03] Kag
    Don't underestimate our
    suffering, you useless hack!
[04:05] Shin
    I seriously was underestimating it.
SIGN    Shinpachi
[04:07] Shin
    I thought they'd at least add the colors.
SIGN    Gintoki
[04:09] Gin
    How can you expect the
    staff to add colors to us
[04:11] Gin
    when nothing gets added to their pay?
[04:13] Shin
    Quit with the clever wordplay.
SIGN    Shinpachi
[04:14] Shin
    What are we gonna do about this disaster?
SIGN    Gintoki
[04:16] Gin
    What, you ask?
[04:21] Gin
    This is
[04:24] Gin
    sugar content!
[04:26] Shin
    What?!
[04:27] Shin
    What is wrong with you?!
[04:28] Shin
    And hey, they could color us just fine!
[04:31] Gin
    Well...
[04:32] Gin
    The taste of this being turned into
    that is, like, something else!
[04:36] Shin
    Keep your mouth shut if you can't explain it!
[04:38] Gin
    So, as you can see, it'll be fine
    if we send our clothes flying.
[04:41] Shin
    No, it's not fine! I hope
    you get sent flying!
[04:44] Gin
    Anyway, this is seriously delicious.
    I can't get enough of it.
[04:47] Kag
    No fair, Gin-chan. I want a bite, too.
[04:50] Gin
    Hey, wait—
[04:52] Gin
    Oh, crap.
[04:54] Gin
    This is gonna turn into that!
[04:57] Gin
    Oh, like hell!
[04:58] Shin
    What's with that silhouette?!
[05:00] Kag
    You may not have realized,
    but I look thinner in clothes.
[05:04] Kag
    Inside, I have a dynamite body.
[05:06] Gin
    Your "dynamite body" is sticking
    out of the silhouette, you know.
[05:09] Shin
    Anyway, is the cake that delicious?
[05:12] Shin
    Let me have a bite, too.
[05:13] Gin
    You get it, don't you, Pachi-boy?
[05:15] Shin
    What do you mean?
[05:17] Shin
    I'm not gonna get disrobed by cake—
[05:21] Shin
    My lenses!
[05:22] Shin
    And my frames are melting away!
[05:32] Oki
    Excuse me.
[05:35] Oki
    There's a volunteer who wants
    to represent the Shinsengumi
[05:37] Oki
    and have his clothes sent flying in
    front of everyone in the audience,
[05:42] Oki
    so could you let him eat some of that?
[05:44] Hij
    Untie me, Sogo!
[05:46] Gin
    Hijikata-kun!
[05:47] Gin
    I can't believe you're
    volunteering. I'm impressed.
[05:50] Hij
    What part of this looks
    like volunteering to you?!
[05:52] Hij
    I've clearly been brought
    here against my will!
[05:54] Bo
    Say "ahh."
[05:55] Hij
    Listen to me, you pair of sadists!
[05:57] Hij
    No!
[05:58] Hij
    Who'd want to eat this crap?
    It doesn't even have mayonnaise on it!
[06:01] Shin
    So you'd eat it if it did?!
[06:06] Mad
    Ah, this is tastier than dog food!
[06:09] Gin
    There's the poor sod,
    in every sense of the word!
[06:12] Gin
    What are you doing here, Hasegawa-san?!
[06:14] Mad
    I've been in your closet for a month now.
[06:16] Gin
    You were freeloading again?!
[06:19] Sac
    Don't worry, Gin-san.
    I've been here for two months now!
[06:22] Gin
    You guys pay the rent for this place!
[06:24] Gin
    My fist is served!
[06:24] Oki
    Sheesh. I'm not in the mood anymore.
[06:26] Gin
    Served! Served! Served!
[06:28] Oki
    Or so I say, and then...
[06:29] Oki
    Eat the rest and the plate, Hijikata!
[06:31] Hij
    Wait—
[06:34] Hij
    K-Kondo-san.
[06:37] Kon
    Would you guys give it a rest?
[06:39] Kon
    You too, Odd Jobs.
[06:41] Kon
    Didn't we come to make an important
    announcement to the audience here?
[06:45] Shin
    Oh, yeah.
[06:47] Shin
    I nearly forgot about the intro at the start.
[06:50] Hij
    That's Kondo-san for you.
[06:52] Hij
    Even after getting hit with
    that cake, you didn't flinch,
[06:55] Hij
    and took charge of the situation.
[06:57] Kon
    Oh, it's no big deal.
[07:00] Kon
    I wasn't wearing any clothes to begin with!
[07:03] Hij
    That's right!
[07:04] Hij
    Our chief was just a naked gorilla!
[07:07] Gin
    So on that note, ladies and gentlemen...
[07:10] Gin
    We now present to you a preview of
    the Gintama anime's biggest arc.
[07:15] Shin
    Huh? Are we really gonna do it?
[07:17] Shin
    Is this how we're gonna do it?
[07:18] Kag
    It's too late to get our act together.
[07:21] Gin
    Exactly!
[07:23] Gin
    So, roll...
[07:25] Gin
    ...the tape!
[07:39] Tak
    Took you long enough.
[07:41] Tak
    I got sick of waiting for you,
[07:45] Tak
    Gintoki.
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Shogun Assassination Arc
    Preview
[07:56] Soyo
    Brother?
[07:58] Soyo
    Brother.
[08:00] Soyo
    Brother.
[08:02] Soyo
    Jeez, Brother!
[08:05] Sho
    Oh, Soyo.
[08:08] Sho
    Forgive me. I was lost in thought.
[08:10] Sho
    I heard that
[08:12] Sho
    another one of your allies left your side.
[08:18] Sho
    The blame lies with me,
[08:20] Sho
    the gutless master who can't
    protect any of his men or friends.
[08:24] Sho
    Does a pathetic man like me really
    have the right to rule over a nation?
[08:29] Sho
    I hope that one day,
[08:31] Sho
    our country will be so peaceful,
[08:34] Sho
    there will be no need for a shogun
    or to worry about the future,
[08:38] Sho
    and I will be just an older brother drinking
    the tea his little sister made for him.
[08:45] Soyo
    Brother!
[08:47] Sac
    I apologize for my insolence.
[08:50] Sac
    But I daresay you'd be better
    off not drinking that.
[08:54] Sho
    Don't tell me, it was poisoned?
SIGN    The Shogun Assassination Plot
SIGN    is finally put into motion.
[09:00] Zen
    Shogun assassination plot, eh?
SIGN    The Oniwaban
[09:04] Sac
    We're the only ones who can keep him safe.
SIGN    The Oniwaban
SIGN    The Oniwaban reunite.
SIGN    Shinsengumi Director
    Matsudaira Katakuriko
[09:08] Mat
    Escort the shogun out of Edo!
SIGN    Top Secret Mission
[09:11] Hij
    Aren't you yelling the top
    secret mission out too loud?!
SIGN    Shinsengumi Chief
    Kondo Isao
[09:13] Mat
    Forget about lords and retainers!
SIGN    Oniwaban Ninja
    Sarutobi Ayame
SIGN    Shinsengumi Vice Chief
     Hijikata Toshiro
[09:16] Mat
    Let's fight together for a buddy!
SIGN    Odd Jobs
    Kagura
SIGN    Odd Jobs
    Shimura Shinpachi
[09:20] Mat
    I'm counting on you, buddies.
[09:22] Mat
    And you too,
[09:24] Mat
    double.
[09:26] Gin
    Uh, not that I care, but
    could you hurry it up?
SIGN    Odd Jobs
    Sakata Gintoki
[09:29] Gin
    It's seriously hot in here.
[09:33] Bo
    Why are you the double?!
SIGN    Enemy...
SIGN    Shogun-in-Waiting
    Hitotsubashi Nobunobu
[09:38] Kam
    I mean, we just gotta kill the shogun, right?
SIGN    Harusame Space Pirates
    Seventh Division Commander
     Kamui
[09:41] Tak
    You're free to force a checkmate
    or knock over the board itself.
SIGN    Kiheitai Commander
    Takasugi Shinsuke
SIGN    Ally...
SIGN    Shinsengumi
     First Squad Captain
     Okita Sogo
[09:47] Oki
    Don't give me that look, Princess.
SIGN    Fujibayashi Clan Head
    Fujibayashi Gaimon
[09:50] Oki
    I'm on your side, you know.
SIGN    Momochi Clan Head
    Momochi Rappa
SIGN    Or Traitor?
[09:55] Zen
    I'm sorry to say,
[09:57] Zen
    but you can't protect this
    nation as its shogun.
SIGN    Leader of the Oniwaban
    Marici
    Hattori Zenzo
SIGN    Shogun
    Tokugawa Shigeshige
[10:03] Sho
    Yes, Zenzo...
[10:07] Sho
    I leave the rest to you.
SIGN    The childhood
SIGN    promise
SIGN    and the truth
SIGN    will now...
[10:33] Kon
    You're the only ones who can.
[10:36] Kag
    What are you so afraid of?
[10:41] Shin
    Gin-san...
[10:42] Shin
    Just what's going to happen to the world now?
[10:46] Gin
    Before dawn.
[10:48] Gin
    The night is darkest just before the dawn.
[10:51] Gin
    But keep your eyes open.
[10:56] Gin
    I'm Sakata Gintoki,
    disciple of Yoshida Shoyo!
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Shogun Assassination Arc

E299 - Strike When the Sword and Overlord are Hot / Oil Rain

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Swordsmith
[01:30] Te
    Apparently they discovered a
    new metal on a remote planet.
SIGN    Tetsuko's request: Watch this program in a bright room
    and at a safe distance from your TV.
[01:34] Te
    As a smith, I really want to get some of it.
[01:37] Te
    So look after the store while I'm gone.
[01:39] Te
    I'm counting on you all.
[01:43] Gin
    What a weirdo.
[01:46] Gin
    She's looking for orichalcum in
    this era of sword prohibition?
[01:49] Shin
    But she doesn't seem to
    be short on customers.
[01:51] Shin
    I wonder what they're like.
[01:53] Gin
    Let's see...
[01:57] Gin
    This is a fine sword, but it shows
    no sign of use whatsoever.
[02:00] Gin
    Its owner must be a bakufu official
    who slings it on his waist as an accessory.
[02:05] Gin
    This one's unsigned, but has
    been reforged several times.
[02:08] Gin
    I'd say it's a radical Joi
    rebel's weapon of choice.
[02:11] Kag
    Then, Gin-chan...
[02:13] Kag
    What kind of person would you
    say was using this sword?
[02:16] Gin
    That's a sword of destruction
    that a soldier picked up
[02:19] Gin
    without knowing it was cursed,
    couldn't unequip it,
[02:21] Gin
    and thus kept using it.
[02:23] Shin
    The owner came along with it!
[02:25] Kag
    What? This isn't a strap?
[02:28] Shin
    Why would you use the corpse
    of a soldier as a strap?!
[02:30] Shin
    Who in their right mind—
[02:31] H
    Pardon me.
[02:33] H
    I'd asked for a sword to be
    repaired. Is it done yet?
[02:37] Shin
    A customer from a whole
    different setting showed up!
SIGN    Strike When the Sword
    and Overlord are Hot
SIGN    Swordsmith
[02:42] H
    I see.
[02:43] H
    So Tetsuko-dono isn't around.
[02:45] H
    Pardon the late introduction.
SIGN    Hero Lotosix
[02:47] H
    I'm Hero Lotosix, from the planet Hero.
[02:51] H
    The Galactic Overlord, Tiramisu,
    threatens the peace of the galaxy,
[02:54] H
    so I'm on a journey to take him down.
[02:56] H
    But in the midst of our travels,
[02:57] H
    the soldier Takeshi equipped a cursed
    weapon, leading to this situation.
[03:02] Shin
    Uh, instead of a smithy,
[03:03] Shin
    shouldn't you visit a
    church to lift the curse?
SIGN    Lift Curse Revive
[03:07] H
    The sword of destruction may be cursed,
    but it's a powerful weapon.
[03:10] H
    I wanted this corpse removed
    so that the sword may be used.
[03:13] Shin
    That's what you asked for?
    And you call yourself a Hero?!
[03:16] Gin
    But the sword of destruction
    is usable this way.
[03:19] Gin
    You can get rid of the corpse,
    but the curse won't go anywhere.
[03:23] Gin
    So instead of using it directly,
[03:26] Gin
    equip it along with Takeshi.
[03:27] Shin
    Takeshi will curse you!
[03:29] H
    I see!
[03:31] H
    This way, Takeshi can rest in peace, too!
[03:36] Shin
    You're only using Takeshi at this point!
[03:38] H
    No wonder this smithy is
    renowned across the galaxy.
[03:41] H
    Please, use your considerable skill
    to grant another of my requests.
[03:45] H
    The only thing capable of defeating
    the Galactic Overlord, Tiramisu,
[03:47] H
    is a sword that only the
    Hero of legend may draw,
[03:51] H
    the Galactic Holy Sword, Cosmos.
[03:53] H
    But it has remained dormant for so long,
    it has been considerably damaged.
[03:58] H
    I'd like you to reforge this sword.
[04:00] Shin
    You haven't drawn it out!
[04:01] Shin
    That thing doesn't recognize
    you as the Hero at all!
[04:03] Shin
    You just ripped out the
    sword along with the rock!
[04:05] H
    The Overlord draws ever nearer.
[04:08] H
    Since time was running out,
    I went at it with an excavator.
[04:10] Shin
    What kind of Hero are you?!
[04:11] Shin
    Just go defeat the Overlord
    with your excavator!
[04:14] H
    The final battle is almost upon us.
[04:15] H
    Please hurry.
SIGN    Swordsmith
[04:17] H
    Ready it while we get some rest at an inn.
[04:19] Shin
    Wait a second!
[04:20] Shin
    Take Takeshi with you!
[04:24] Shin
    What do we do, Gin-san?
[04:25] Kag
    The fate of the universe is riding on this.
[04:27] Kag
    We can't ignore it.
[04:28] Gin
    If it's just yanking the sword out,
    we could handle it ourselves.
[04:32] Shin
    But this is a legendary sword that
    even the Hero couldn't yank out.
[04:35] Gin
    Well, we have legendary dom queens here.
[04:37] Shin
    Yank, not wank!
[04:42] Shin
    It really won't budge an inch.
[04:44] Kag
    You can't think of it as yanking
    the sword out of the rock.
[04:47] Kag
    Just remove the rock from the sword!
[04:50] Shin
    She broke it!
[04:51] Shin
    She broke the legendary sword!
[04:54] Kag
    So this is the legendary jackknife...
[04:57] Shin
    I've never heard of that before!
[04:59] Kag
    With this jackknife, slitting the
    Overlord's throat should be a cinch.
[05:02] Shin
    I've never heard of the Hero taking on
    the Overlord with a jackknife!
[05:05] Shin
    What do we do about this?
[05:06] Shin
    At this rate, the Hero's
    gonna lose to the Overlord!
[05:08] O
    Pardon me!
[05:10] Shin
    Wh-Who are you people?!
[05:13] O
    So you're the so-called
    finest smiths in the galaxy?
[05:19] O
    Um, I have an appointment.
[05:20] O
    I'm Galactic Overlord Tiramisu.
SIGN    Galactic Overlord Tiramisu
[05:22] O
    I brought my sword, so could
    you take a look at it?
[05:25] Shin
    Y...
[05:26] Shin
    You, too?!
[05:28] O
    The thing is...
[05:29] O
    I'm plotting to take over the universe,
[05:32] O
    but this Hero stands in my way.
[05:35] O
    The only thing that can defeat the Hero
    is the Evil Galactic Sword, Machinas,
[05:39] O
    which only the true Overlord may draw.
[05:41] O
    I got my hands on that legendary evil
    sword, which is all well and good,
[05:45] O
    but it has remained dormant for ten thousand
    years and has grown completely rusted.
[05:49] Shin
    Where the hell did you stick it?
SIGN    Canned Peaches
[05:50] Shin
    Were you trying to open
    a can of peaches with it?
[05:52] O
    I could not hope to duel the Hero
    with the sword in this state.
[05:55] O
    I want you to reforge it at once.
[05:57] O
    To help you with the job,
[06:00] O
    I shall leave one of my men,
    Rotting Kiyoshi, with you.
SIGN    A Rotting Kiyoshi appeared!
[06:03] Sign
    Finish the job before Kiyoshi
    completely rots away.
[06:06] Sign
    I'm counting on you.
[06:07] Shin
    He's not gonna be of any help!
[06:08] Shin
    This is just harassment!
[06:11] Shin
    First the Hero,
[06:12] Shin
    and now even the Overlord
    left his sword with us.
[06:15] Shin
    You're breaking that one, too?!
[06:17] Gin
    Of course.
[06:18] Gin
    If one of the swords were shorter than
    the other, they'd find out we broke it.
[06:22] Gin
    But if they were of similar length,
[06:24] Gin
    they'd think that's how
    legends go, and shrug it off.
[06:26] Shin
    As if!
[06:27] Shin
    What are they, legendary idiots?!
[06:28] Shin
    If they find out, they'll demand a
    legendary amount of compensation!
[06:32] Gin
    Hey, isn't the Hero's sword a bit longer here?
[06:34] Kag
    We should give the Hero an advantage.
[06:37] Gin
    You moron! Smiths don't take sides!
[06:40] Gin
    A smith only focuses on striking the
    metal in front of him with all his might!
[06:43] Shin
    I don't want to hear that from a guy
    breaking swords with all his might.
[06:46] Gin
    Break off a little more from the Hero's sword.
[06:50] Kag
    Huh?
[06:51] Kag
    Now the Overlord's is longer.
[06:55] Gin
    The Hero's is longer again.
[06:58] Kag
    The Overlord's is longer again.
[07:00] Gin
    This is harder than I thought.
[07:05] Gin
    So these are...
[07:07] Bo
    ...the legendary beam sabers!
[07:09] Shin
    You're not fooling anyone!
[07:10] Shin
    They were better off being stuck
    in a rock and a can of peaches!
[07:13] Gin
    That's it!
[07:14] Gin
    Let's stick them back in something
    to hide their lengths.
[07:20] Gin
    We'll say that when we removed
    the rock and a can of peaches,
[07:21] Gin
    they were stuck in a Hero and an Overlord.
[07:23] Shin
    That's Takeshi and Kiyoshi!
[07:25] Kag
    All right.
[07:25] Kag
    Now if we give the Overlord's
    corpse to the Hero
[07:28] Kag
    and the Hero's corpse to the Overlord when
    we return the swords, it'll all be settled.
[07:31] Gin
    But there's just one problem.
[07:35] Gin
    We have the Hero's and the Overlord's swords,
[07:37] Gin
    but which was which?
[07:39] H
    How many times do I have to tell you?!
SIGN    A Hero appeared! A Wizard appeared! A Fighter appeared!
[07:42] H
    Don't walk in a line! Move side by side!
[07:46] G
    Ever since he equipped the legendary sword,
[07:48] G
    he's become so aggressive,
    he's like a totally different person.
[07:51] G
    His breath smells kinda sweet,
[07:53] G
    and he even emits freezing
    waves every now and then.
[07:56] O
    How many times do I have to tell you guys?!
[07:59] O
    Walk in a single line!
[08:00] O
    Anyone who steps out of
    line gets sent to the cart!
[08:03] G
    Everything's changed since he
    got his hands on that sword.
[08:07] G
    Lately, he's been calling us his "party,"
[08:10] G
    and opening chests in people's
    homes without permission.
SIGN    Swordsmith
[08:13] Shin
    They totally got swapped!
[08:15] Shin
    We've gotta return them to normal quick!
[08:17] Kag
    Does it really matter?
[08:19] Kag
    Heroes and Overlords aren't all that different.
[08:21] Gin
    It's like how at the end of people's lives,
[08:23] Gin
    you can't tell if grandpas and
    grannies are men or women.
[08:27] Shin
    It's nothing like that!
[08:29] Shin
    At any rate, we should return the
    swords to their original owners.
[08:32] Gin
    I don't mind,
[08:34] Gin
    but whose sides were Takeshi and Kiyoshi on?
[08:38] Ki
    Hey, Hero.
[08:41] Ki
    Off to the cart with you.
[08:43] Ki
    You've forgotten that your job
    is to take out the Overlord.
[08:46] Ki
    You have no right to lead a party!
[08:48] Ki
    Get lost!
[08:50] W
    Our great Hero, Kiyoshi-sama!
[08:51] Ki
    I'm no Hero.
[08:54] Ki
    In the past, I was defeated by the Overlord
[08:56] Ki
    and manipulated without being allowed to die.
[08:58] Ki
    I'm nothing but a filthy puppet!
[09:00] Ki
    I'm nothing but rotten Kiyoshi.
[09:02] Ki
    But now that the holy sword
    has revived me, I understand.
[09:07] Ki
    What's truly filthy and rotten
[09:10] Ki
    is your heart, Overlord!
[09:14] Ta
    What's wrong, Tiramisu?
[09:16] O
    Nothing, sire.
[09:18] Ta
    Do your scars ache?
[09:20] Ta
    So do mine.
[09:21] Ta
    The curse inside me and
[09:23] Ta
    this sword of destruction bay for the blood
[09:25] Ta
    of the Hero, who left me to die because
    he was too cheap to pay the church's fee.
[09:32] Ta
    The final battle draws near.
[09:34] Ta
    Do not forget to keep your weapons in shape.
[09:35] O
    Yes, great Overlord Takeshi-sama!
[09:39] Ki
    I have returned.
[09:39] Ta
    I have returned.
[09:40] Shin
    Who are you?!
[09:42] Shin
    The legendary swords revived
    something outrageous!
[09:45] Gin
    So, which is Takeshi and which is Kiyoshi?
[09:47] Shin
    Does it matter?!
[09:49] Gin
    Haven't they gotten a lot bigger
    since the last time we saw them?
[09:51] Kag
    That one's a bit longer.
[09:53] Kag
    That's not fair.
[09:57] Gin
    No good.
[09:57] Gin
    Now this one's bigger.
[10:00] Shin
    Wait, Gin-san...
[10:02] Kag
    Now this one's bigger again.
[10:08] Gin
    So these are...
[10:09] Bo
    ...the legendary beam sabers!
[10:11] Shin
    We're back to square one!
[10:13] Shin
    Do you guys have to keep striking
    until the blade's gone each time?!
[10:16] Gin
    I told you,
[10:17] Gin
    a smith only focuses on striking
    metal with all he's got.
[10:20] Shin
    I get it now.
[10:20] Shin
    You guys aren't cut out to be smiths!
[10:22] Te
    Nah, you might be surprisingly good fits.
[10:25] Shin
    Tetsuko-san!
[10:27] Shin
    Thanks for looking after the store.
[10:28] Shin
    Unfortunately, I couldn't find
    any of that legendary metal,
[10:32] Shin
    but thanks to you, I discovered
    something even better.
[10:37] Shin
    These swords were forged to prevent conflict.
[10:40] Shin
    They are undeniably legendary swords.
[10:42] Shin
    Try giving them these.
[10:45] Shin
    I'm sure your feelings will reach them.
[10:52] O
    This is no time to be
    fighting among ourselves.
[10:55] H
    Yes.
[10:56] H
    We have more important things to do.
[11:00] O
    Change of plans, men!
SIGN    Fight Switch Flee Tactics
[11:03] H
    The Hero party and Overlord
    army will cooperate
SIGN    Go Hard Go Easy Go All-Out Follow Orders
[11:06] H
    and go all-out to demand compensation!
SIGN    Fight Switch Flee Tactics
[11:14] Te
    I don't know about that conflict, though.
[11:31] Ta
    Excuse me.
[11:33] Ta
    Mind if I stand next to you for a
    while and take shelter from the rain?
[11:37] Ta
    We both have it rough, don't we?
[11:40] Ta
    Moisture is the natural enemy of us machines.
[11:43] Ta
    If only it rained oil,
[11:47] Ta
    we could be free, too.
[11:51] Ta
    Oh, looks like it's let up.
[11:54] Ta
    I'll be taking my leave, then.
[11:56] Ta
    Let's both do our best at our jobs.
SIGN    Oil Rain
SIGN    Cigarettes
[12:05] Tam
    Excuse me.
[12:07] Tam
    A carton of Fair Weather cigarettes, please.
[12:10] BB
    Tama-chan?
[12:12] BB
    I guess this will be your
    last errand to this place.
[12:15] BB
    Take this chance to tell
    Tose to quit smoking.
[12:19] Tam
    So you are closing up shop?
[12:23] BB
    Never thought that poison-smoking
    hag would outlast me.
[12:28] Tam
    Otose-sama says, "I'll wait however long
    it takes to get your illness cured.
[12:32] Tam
    I'd hate to see a shop that sells
    Fair Weather go away forever,
[12:35] Tam
    so come back, even if you have to
    do it as a vending machine."
[12:39] BB
    Even if I reopened this seedy shop,
[12:40] BB
    the only customers I'd
    have would be weird hags.
[12:44] BB
    My partner and I, we've both grown too old.
[12:47] BB
    It's high time we called it quits.
[12:50] Tam
    Partner?
[12:51] BB
    Yeah.
[12:52] BB
    The junk heap that's worked with me for years
[12:54] BB
    and gotten even more broken down than I have.
[12:57] BB
    Now it's just scrap metal that's
    taking shelter from the rain.
[13:00] Hij
    Hey, Gran.
[13:01] Hij
    I put some cash in, but I'm not getting
    any cigarettes or change back.
[13:04] Hij
    What's going on here?
[13:05] BB
    How many times do I have to tell you?
[13:07] BB
    That thing isn't too good at math,
[13:09] BB
    so you have to pay it in exact change!
[13:11] Hij
    How can a vending machine be bad at math?
[13:14] BB
    Not there! Here!
[13:17] Hij
    Oh, something came out.
[13:19] Hij
    Isn't this mine?
[13:22] Hij
    Hold on a second!
[13:23] Hij
    Why is this vending machine
    smoking my cigarettes?!
[13:26] BB
    You probably put it in a foul mood
    by kicking it in the wrong place.
[13:29] Hij
    A vending machine shouldn't be sulking!
[13:31] Hij
    Gimme back my cigs and money!
[13:33] BB
    Don't you dare give him
    any change, you junk heap!
[13:35] Hij
    You two are in cahoots, aren't you?!
[13:37] Tam
    Please cease your violent behavior.
[13:42] Tam
    No machine is junk.
[13:45] Tam
    Its body can no longer keep
    up with its heart, is all.
[13:49] Tam
    It's all right.
[13:50] Tam
    You can let everything out today.
[13:53] Tam
    I'll listen to it all.
[13:57] BB
    It let something else out!
[14:00] Tam
    It's hungover, it seems.
[14:02] BB
    Which vending machine did this
    vending machine buy One Cup from?!
[14:05] Hij
    So it can still do its job if it tries.
[14:07] Hij
    Now I won't have to buy
    cigarettes for a while.
[14:10] BB
    You thief!
[14:12] BB
    Somebody call the police!
[14:14] Hij
    I am the police. What do you want?
SIGN    Cigarettes
[14:26] Tam
    Huh?
[14:27] Tam
    My umbrella suddenly won't open.
[14:30] Tam
    What do I do?
[14:31] Tam
    The ingredients will get soaked.
[14:34] Tam
    Excuse me.
[14:35] Tam
    Mind if I take shelter
    from the rain for a while?
[14:39] Tam
    That doesn't count as slacking
    off from the job, right?
SIGN    For personal reasons,
    we'll be closed
    for a while.
    - Owner
[14:48] Tam
    Don't worry.
[14:49] Tam
    I'm sure she'll be healthy again in no time.
[14:52] Tam
    So please don't think you've been abandoned.
[14:56] Tam
    You're not scrap metal.
[15:00] Tam
    After all,
[15:03] Tam
    you have a customer who needs you right here.
[15:08] Tam
    But a carton for 500 yen is too generous.
[15:13] Tam
    Sell one at a time in the future.
[15:15] Tam
    That way, I'll be able to come every day.
[15:22] Tam
    Are you crying?
[15:28] Tam
    Let's both do our best at our jobs.
SIGN    Snack Otose
[15:33] Gin
    Huh?
[15:34] Gin
    Tama got a boyfriend?
[15:36] Gin
    A boy...
[15:38] Gin
    Wait, does gender even apply to machines?
[15:41] Oto
    You men are too dense.
[15:44] Oto
    You can't pull the wool over
    a woman's eyes, though.
[15:47] Gin
    A woman's eyes?
[15:48] Gin
    Wait, does gender even apply to hags?
[15:53] Oto
    Every time I send her out
    to buy cigarettes lately,
[15:56] Oto
    she always comes back late.
[15:58] Oto
    With the wrong brand, even.
[16:00] Oto
    Also...
SIGN    How to Talk to Quiet People
[16:03] Oto
    She's been skimming through some
    weird data when she has time.
[16:06] Gin
    She's just brushing up
    on her customer service.
[16:08] Gin
    You're overthinking this.
[16:10] Oto
    I'm just worried she fell for a bad guy.
[16:13] Oto
    Besides, don't you think it's strange that
[16:15] Oto
    someone as careful as her
    would forget her umbrella?
[16:20] Gin
    Beats me.
[16:22] Gin
    She's probably taking shelter
    from the rain somewhere.
[16:29] G
    What? It's closed?
[16:31] G
    Oh, well. Guess I'll have to
    use the junk vending machine.
[16:37] Tam
    One pack of cigarettes. 90 yen in change.
[16:41] G
    Now that's unusual. It actually worked!
SIGN    Cigarettes
[16:49] Tam
    Two packs of cigarettes. 180 yen in change.
[16:54] Has
    I finally picked up this pocket change, but...
[16:57] Tam
    One butt.
[16:59] Hij
    I wonder if I'll get lucky again.
[17:01] Tam
    One point.
[17:02] Has
    Why are we being singled out?!
[17:04] Hij
    Why are you barking out
    weird orders from the side?!
[17:06] Tam
    What are you talking about?
[17:08] Tam
    I'm only taking shelter from the rain.
[17:11] Bo
    You'll pay for this!
[17:14] G
    It's always like that.
[17:17] G
    She comes to buy cigarettes
    without an umbrella in this rain,
[17:20] G
    and stands there talking
    to the vending machine.
[17:23] G
    She's even given it the
    nickname "Tobako-san."
[17:26] Gin
    Tobako, eh?
[17:29] Gin
    Thanks. You were a great help.
[17:31] G
    Wait up, Boss!
[17:32] G
    What exactly is going on there?
[17:35] Gin
    Isn't it obvious?
[17:37] Gin
    They're just friends.
[17:44] Tam
    Oh, the rain's let up.
[17:46] Tam
    I'll be leaving, then.
[17:54] Tam
    Tobako-san?
[17:56] Tam
    Don't worry.
[17:58] Tam
    I'll be back to buy
    cigarettes again tomorrow.
[18:02] Tam
    No...
[18:04] Tam
    Cigarettes or no cigarettes, I'll be back
[18:06] Tam
    to take shelter from the rain.
[18:14] Tam
    Huh?
SIGN    Fair Weather
[18:15] Tam
    This is...
[18:16] Tam
    Tobako-san, did you keep this from me
    because you thought I would stop coming
[18:23] Tam
    if I finished my errand?
[18:24] Tam
    This will put a smile on Otose-sama's face.
[18:27] Tam
    It looks like we're no longer pieces of junk.
SIGN    Sold Out
[18:46] Tam
    What's wrong, Tobako-san?
[18:49] Tam
    I'll take a look right away...
[18:55] Gen
    I'm sorry to say this,
    but it can't be repaired.
[18:59] Gen
    Tama, she's done her job.
[19:03] Gen
    That old lady won't be coming back, right?
[19:08] Gen
    This cigarette shop is done for.
[19:15] G
    It's pretty run-down.
[19:17] G
    The whole thing might crumble at once.
[19:20] G
    Be careful.
[19:21] G
    Huh?
[19:22] G
    Wasn't there a...
[19:30] Tam
    It's all right.
[19:32] Tam
    You're not scrap metal.
[19:37] Tam
    After all,
[19:39] Tam
    you have someone who needs you right here.
[19:44] Tam
    You have me,
[19:45] Tam
    your friend!
[19:53] Tam
    Even if you can no longer sell cigarettes,
[19:56] Tam
    or be of help to people,
SIGN    Illegal dumping! Remove this trash at once!
[20:00] Tam
    what does that matter?
[20:17] Tam
    Why can't a machine exist just so people
    can take shelter from the rain with it?
[20:41] Gin
    I forgot my umbrella.
[20:43] Gin
    Let me take shelter for a bit.
[20:46] Tam
    There's no longer a roof here
    that'll keep out the rain.
[20:51] Gin
    That's fine.
[20:53] Gin
    I just found a machine I wanted to
    take shelter from the rain with.
[20:59] Gin
    Besides, the rain has already let up.
SIGN    Fair Weather
[21:06] Gin
    So you don't have to take
    shelter from the rain anymore.
[21:10] Gin
    You can forget about your duty now.
[21:13] Gin
    At least in the very end,
[21:15] Gin
    wipe the rain off her
[21:16] Gin
    not as a machine, but as simply a buddy.
[21:22] Tam
    Tobako-san...
[21:25] Gin
    If you don't stop her already,
[21:28] Gin
    she really will rust into scrap metal.
[21:35] Tam
    You never learn.
[21:37] Tam
    How many times have I told you...
[21:42] Tam
    Whether you're selling or crying,
    do so one pack at a time.
[21:50] Tam
    But just for today, I'm
    sure nobody will find out.
[21:58] Tam
    Because it's raining oil.
SIGN    Snack Otose
[22:14] Oto
    The hell?
[22:17] Oto
    These are soaked.
SIGN    Next episode is finally the 300th.
SIGN    And finally...
SIGN    The Shogun Assassination Arc
SIGN    kicks off.

E300 - Shogun Assassination Arc Part One: Shoguns of Light and Shadow

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:05] Soyo
    Brother?
[00:07] Soyo
    Brother.
[00:09] Soyo
    Brother.
[00:11] Soyo
    Jeez, Brother!
[00:14] Sho
    Oh, Soyo.
[00:16] Sho
    Forgive me. I was lost in thought.
[00:19] Soyo
    I made this tea for you,
    and now it has grown cold.
[00:22] Soyo
    Have you been losing
    sleep due to work again?
[00:27] Soyo
    I figured as much.
[00:31] Soyo
    I heard that
[00:32] Soyo
    another one of your allies left your side.
[00:38] Soyo
    Ever since that incident...
[00:41] Soyo
    Ever since Uncle passed away, people
    have been leaving one after another.
[00:46] Soyo
    Don't they realize that this is
    no time for internal conflict?
[00:49] Soyo
    At this rate, you'll be left all alone.
[00:54] Sho
    The blame lies with me,
[00:57] Sho
    the gutless master who can't
    protect any of his men or friends.
[01:00] Sho
    Does a pathetic man like me really
    have the right to rule over a nation?
[01:05] Sho
    Every now and then,
[01:07] Sho
    I wish I could forget all about
    the country and government,
[01:10] Sho
    and sit here forever,
[01:12] Sho
    drinking the nasty tea my little sister
    made with a blank look on my face.
[01:17] Soyo
    Brother...
[01:20] Soyo
    You meanie!
[01:22] Soyo
    My tea actually tastes good when it's hot!
[01:25] Sho
    Is that so?
[01:27] Sho
    I hope that one day,
[01:29] Sho
    our country will be so peaceful,
[01:32] Sho
    there will be no need for a shogun
    or to worry about the future,
[01:35] Sho
    and I will be just an older brother drinking
    the tea his little sister made for him.
[01:47] Soyo
    Brother!
[01:49] Soyo
    Brother.
[01:53] Sac
    I apologize for my insolence.
[01:56] Sac
    But I daresay you'd be better
    off not drinking that.
[02:05] Sho
    Don't tell me, it was poisoned?
[02:08] Sac
    I hate to say this, but I recommend
    you postpone your little tea party.
SIGN    Shogun Assassination Arc
    Part One
SIGN    Shoguns of Light and Shadow
SIGN    Oedo
    Mart
[03:51] Zen
    Shogun assassination plot, eh?
[03:55] Sac
    The bowl the princess used to
    make tea was lined with poison.
SIGN    Watch the Shogun Assassination Arc in a bright
    room and at a safe distance from your TV!
[04:00] Sac
    She nearly killed her own brother there.
[04:04] Sac
    The enemy's even exploiting
    the princess's behavior,
[04:06] Sac
    which means they've made it
    deep into the bakufu ranks.
[04:09] Zen
    To think someone tried to
    kill him in the castle...
[04:13] Zen
    How the mighty shogun has fallen.
[04:17] Zen
    No wonder he's asking for
    help from those he cast away.
[04:20] Zen
    Summoning the Oniwaban once again?
[04:23] Zen
    Some nerve.
[04:25] Zen
    He fires us all, and now
    he wants us to help him?
[04:29] Sac
    Sure, the Oniwaban was dissolved
    under orders from Lord Sadasada,
[04:34] Sac
    but didn't Lord Matsudaira take us
    under his wing and look after us?
[04:40] Sac
    We were dissolved on paper only,
[04:42] Sac
    and it was agreed that we'd reunite at
    once in case of an emergency, remember?
[04:46] Sac
    Besides, the one who threw us out,
    Lord Sadasada, is gone.
[04:49] Sac
    The shogun cut ties with him after he
    became a mere puppet of the Tendoshu
[04:53] Sac
    and punished him accordingly.
[04:54] Sac
    That's why his safety is no longer guaranteed.
[04:57] Sac
    Who knows how many within the cabinet
    are still on the shogun's side?
[05:02] Sac
    They're all gunning for the throne.
[05:04] Sac
    None of them can be trusted.
[05:07] Sac
    We're the only ones who can keep him safe.
[05:09] Sac
    So why...
[05:11] Sac
    Why is the name Hattori Zenzo,
    leader of the Oniwaban, not on that list?
[05:18] Zen
    It isn't exciting.
[05:20] Zen
    Compared to guarding the shogun,
    assassinating him sounds way more exciting.
[05:25] Zen
    Just thinking about it gives
    you goosebumps, doesn't it?
[05:28] Zen
    Slipping alone through tight defenses
    to take the enemy general's head...
[05:32] Zen
    That's what being a ninja is all about.
[05:35] Zen
    Ninjas are beings that live out
    shonen manga in real life.
[05:39] Sac
    I can't believe what I'm hearing
[05:40] Sac
    from the guy who used to
    guard the shogun family.
[05:44] Sac
    You haven't changed one bit, have you?
[05:49] Sac
    No loyalty, cooperation, or creed.
[05:52] Sac
    You trust nothing but your own skills.
[05:56] Zen
    That is my creed.
[05:59] Sac
    I see.
[06:00] Sac
    You've really forgotten, huh?
[06:03] Sac
    Very well.
[06:04] Sac
    Even if the Oniwaban were to
    succeed and make a comeback,
[06:08] Sac
    know that you no longer have a place there,
[06:11] Sac
    ex-boss.
[06:18] Zen
    Sheesh.
[06:20] Zen
    She's acting totally out of character.
[06:23] Zen
    Don't you agree?
[06:25] Gin
    I don't really care.
[06:27] Gin
    Only one copy of Jump again, huh?
[06:30] Gin
    Bring it! Rock, paper...
[06:34] Zen
    Take it.
[06:35] Zen
    I can't get curious about what happens next.
[06:38] Zen
    It'll make me waver.
[06:40] Zen
    Tell her I said,
[06:42] Zen
    "Don't throw your life away
    acting out of character.
[06:46] Zen
    Instead of kissing the shogun's ass,
[06:47] Zen
    kissing a certain stupid samurai's
    ass suits you much better."
[06:56] Mat
    This order is confidential, got it?
[06:58] Mat
    You'd better not mention it to anyone.
[07:01] Mat
    You guys will team up with the Oniwaban
[07:04] Mat
    for a secret mission.
[07:09] Mat
    Escort the shogun out of Edo!
[07:12] Mat
    Make sure he gets to Kyo,
    even if it costs you your lives!
[07:16] Kon
    Pops!
[07:17] Hij
    Aren't you being too loud?
[07:18] Hij
    Aren't you yelling the top
    secret mission out too loud?!
[07:20] Mat
    If Sho-chan stays in Edo,
    he will definitely be assassinated!
[07:24] W
    Honey!
[07:26] Mat
    Not even the castle is safe. It's full
    of political enemies at this point.
[07:26] W
    Honey! What do you mean, "assassinated"?
[07:28] Kon
    Nothing, Mrs. Matsudaira.
[07:30] Kon
    He's just drunk.
[07:30] Mat
    I'll look for the assassin.
    You guys ask the emperor for help!
[07:34] Kon
    H-Hold on.
[07:36] Kon
    Escort the shogun out? How?!
[07:39] Hij
    Considering the situation, it's too risky!
[07:41] Hij
    What if the plan gets discovered?
[07:43] Hij
    If his political opponents take
    advantage of his absence...
[07:47] Mat
    What do you think the Oniwaban are here for?
[07:52] Kon
    Th-The shogun!
[07:54] Kon
    Why is he here?
[07:55] Mat
    No, that's a double.
[07:58] Mat
    The Oniwaban's techniques make
    disguises like this a piece of cake.
[08:03] Mat
    If we leave this double here, we can
    cover up the fact that the shogun has fled.
[08:09] Hij
    Uh, I think they'll figure this out!
[08:11] Hij
    Just the face is of a great leader!
[08:13] Hij
    Just the face is super dignified!
[08:14] Hij
    Talk about an unbalanced disguise!
[08:16] Mat
    Even if they do find out,
    I've got another ace up my sleeve.
[08:20] Mat
    While the main unit heads to Kyo,
[08:21] Mat
    I'll also prepare another
    double who will head north
[08:23] Mat
    to confuse the enemy.
[08:26] Hij
    It's a proper disguise this time.
[08:27] Hij
    He actually looks like a great leader.
[08:29] Hij
    Or so I thought, but why'd you
    make that part a great leader?!
[08:31] Hij
    That can be rank and file!
    Don't get too greedy!
[08:34] Mat
    I'll also prepare a double
    who will head east.
[08:37] Hij
    Hey! The great leader down
    there just turned east, is all!
[08:41] Hij
    Come back! Come back home for now!
[08:43] Mat
    And I'll also prepare a double
    who will head back home.
[08:45] Sho
    I'm back!
[08:46] Hij
    Where'd you leave the shogun?!
[08:48] Mat
    Anyway, I'll prepare a bunch of doubles.
[08:51] Hij
    Shogun!
[08:52] Mat
    If we hide the real one among them,
[08:54] Mat
    we can rest easy even if the
    enemy finds out he escaped.
[08:58] Hij
    Like hell we can!
[08:59] Hij
    Monsters like these
[09:00] Hij
    walking around in all directions
    would stick out like a sore thumb!
[09:03] Hij
    And you call yourself a ninja?!
[09:05] Sho
    I'm not a ninja.
[09:06] Sho
    I'm the shogun.
[09:07] Hij
    It's the shogun?!
[09:10] Mat
    I'm impressed you figured out
    that he's the real Sho-chan.
[09:14] Mat
    I'm having him and Soyo-chan
    hide here for now.
[09:18] Hij
    I-I'm sorry.
[09:21] Soyo
    No need to apologize.
[09:23] Soyo
    I'm the shogun.
[09:24] Hij
    Why has the princess become the shogun, too?
[09:27] Hij
    And what are you making her wear?!
[09:29] Mat
    They've all immersed themselves
    in the role of shogun.
[09:33] Mat
    This is how body doubles are supposed to be.
[09:35] G
    This one is the shogun.
[09:37] G
    I art the shogun.
[09:39] Shin
    We are the shogun.
[09:41] Kag
    Behold me, the 30,014th shogun!
[09:44] Gin
    Shadow juice squirt!
[09:46] Hij
    The last few are all over the place!
[09:47] Hij
    What does "shadow juice" even mean?!
[09:49] Gin
    Sh-Shadow juice squirt!
[09:52] Gin
    Juice, shadow, squirt!
[09:52] Hij
    Actually...
[09:55] Hij
    Haven't we met before, Shadossy?
[09:58] Gin
    Your tone is rude!
[09:59] Gin
    I'm the shogun!
[10:00] Gin
    Won't you treat me accordingly
    so the enemy doesn't find out?
[10:03] Hij
    I'd say it's pretty obvious already!
[10:05] Hij
    What are you guys doing here?!
[10:07] Sac
    Is that you, Gin-san?
[10:10] Sac
    Why... Why are you here?
[10:14] Sac
    Don't tell me
[10:15] Sac
    you
[10:18] Sac
    came to help me?!
[10:21] Gin
    Don't approach me with that body!
[10:23] Sac
    I love you, Gin-san!
[10:24] Gin
    Hey, that's the shogun!
[10:26] Sho
    Sh-Shadow juice squirt!
[10:28] Hij
    Could you not let out shadow juices?
[10:30] Sac
    You really are the best, unlike that jerk.
[10:34] Gin
    Nah.
[10:36] Gin
    He's the one who asked me.
[10:40] Sho
    Y-You all came here for me?
[10:44] Soyo
    You did say you wanted to see them again.
[10:48] Shin
    When we heard that you were in trouble,
    we just couldn't sit around and do nothing.
[10:52] Kag
    You helped us the last time, so now
    it's our turn to repay the favor.
[10:57] Sho
    You all...
[10:59] Soyo
    Aren't you glad, Brother?
[11:02] Soyo
    You still have all these allies.
[11:06] Hij
    They're mostly perverts, though.
[11:09] Sho
    Sh...
[11:10] Sho
    Shadow juice squirt!
[11:12] Hij
    Wait just a second. Do you really
    plan to take these guys along?
[11:16] Hij
    Isn't this supposed to
    be a top secret mission?
[11:17] Hij
    There's a bunch of stuff leaking out...
[11:19] Kon
    What's the big deal, Toshi?
[11:21] Kon
    Gori juice squirt!
[11:23] Hij
    What the hell is gori juice?!
[11:25] Kag
    Kagu juice squirt!
[11:26] Shin
    Pachi juice squirt!
[11:28] Sac
    Sac juice squirt!
[11:29] Mat
    Kuri juice squirt!
[11:31] Gin
    Toshi juice squirt!
[11:33] Hij
    Who the hell just let out Toshi juice?!
[11:44] Nbnb
    It seems some strange dogs
    are sniffing around me.
[11:48] Nbnb
    How upsetting.
[11:50] Nbnb
    What have I done to deserve this?
[11:53] Nbnb
    All I did was try to get rid of the
    decaying corpse sitting on the throne.
[12:00] Nbnb
    Well, it matters not.
[12:02] Nbnb
    Shigeshige,
[12:04] Nbnb
    you no longer have any
    allies in this country.
[12:09] Nbnb
    But I, Hitotsubashi Nobunobu, have allies,
[12:12] Nbnb
    tools, in every nook and cranny.
[12:15] Nbnb
    I can easily have your head without
    taking one step out of here.
[12:21] Nbnb
    Look, a new tool has arrived.
[12:24] Nbnb
    I've been expecting you.
[12:26] Nbnb
    So you're the...
[12:38] Tak
    Hey!
[12:39] Tak
    What the hell do you think you're doing?
[12:41] Kam
    Huh?
[12:42] Kam
    I just gotta kill the shogun, right?
[12:45] Tak
    That's not the shogun.
[12:47] Tak
    He's the shogun-in-waiting.
[12:49] Kam
    The shogun, then.
[12:50] Tak
    Well, whatever.
[12:52] Tak
    He hit his head so hard, he won't
    remember a thing when he wakes up.
[12:56] Tak
    And he was coming to the end
    of his usefulness, anyway.
[12:58] Kam
    Oh, I got it all wrong?
[13:00] Kam
    I guess the ruler of a nation
    couldn't possibly be that weak.
[13:04] Kam
    What is he, then?
[13:06] Tak
    Like I said...
[13:11] Tak
    Just a tool.
[13:27] G
    Nobunobu-sama!
[13:28] G
    Nobunobu-sama!
[13:30] G
    Make way!
[13:31] G
    We're under attack!
[13:33] G
    Get him to a doctor, quickly!
[13:35] G
    He's the man who will rule
    this country before long.
[13:37] G
    Don't let him die, no matter what!
[13:41] Kam
    I see. Hitotsubashi Nobunobu, eh?
[13:44] Kam
    So he was your pawn in this game
    of taking over the country.
[13:49] Kam
    Is a weakling like that even useful?
[13:52] Kam
    If it were me, I would
    ignore the other abilities
[13:54] Kam
    and use the strongest piece.
[13:57] Tak
    Isn't it obvious?
[13:58] Tak
    After all I did to get him to this point,
[14:01] Tak
    he resorted to murder because
    he wanted to be shogun so bad.
[14:04] Tak
    He's a fool.
[14:05] Tak
    That brat doesn't know that
    if you play your last turn wrong,
[14:11] Tak
    it'll result in your downfall.
[14:13] Tak
    Well, I carried him this far,
[14:16] Tak
    so I'll make full use of him, even if
    he's reduced to a mere figurehead.
[14:21] Tak
    The center believed that the
    Hitotsubashi faction was
[14:23] Tak
    behind the assassination attempt,
[14:26] Tak
    but now they'll direct
    their attention elsewhere.
[14:29] Tak
    They'll think that Lord Hitotsubashi is
    also a victim whom someone tried to kill.
[14:35] Tak
    Now we won't attract suspicion,
    even if we go a little wild.
[14:40] Tak
    We're free to force a checkmate
    or knock over the board itself.
[14:47] Kam
    Guess it's time for the
    strongest piece to shine.
[14:51] Mat
    Listen up. Here's the plan.
[14:55] Mat
    We'll use three doubles to make sure the
    shogun makes it to Kyo safe and sound.
[15:00] Mat
    The real one will hide in the
    cargo of a bakufu freight ship
[15:05] Mat
    and head to Kyo by air.
[15:07] Mat
    To cover this up, the first
    double will stay back in Edo.
[15:11] Mat
    The second will head north by sea.
[15:14] Mat
    He will distract the enemy
    if the plan gets discovered.
[15:18] Mat
    And the third will head west by land.
[15:21] Mat
    This is also a diversion,
[15:22] Mat
    but if the enemy finds out,
[15:23] Mat
    this is the convoy that is most likely
    to be attacked and killed.
[15:27] Mat
    You guys are a trap which draws in the enemy
[15:29] Mat
    and then eats its way out of the prey's belly.
[15:35] Mat
    A selection of my best men will
    pretend to be a small, elite group
[15:39] Mat
    while secretly being surrounded
    and backed up by the Oniwaban.
[15:43] Mat
    It's a concentric formation.
[15:45] Mat
    Everyone here has a different
    social status and background,
[15:49] Mat
    but regardless of affiliation, you all
    came together to help the shogun.
[15:53] Mat
    So I, too, shall forget about my position
[15:58] Mat
    and go into this war as just
    Sho-chan's partner in crime.
[16:03] Mat
    Forget about status and rank.
[16:06] Mat
    Let's fight together as allies who love this man.
[16:10] Mat
    Forget about lords and retainers!
[16:13] Mat
    Let's just fight together for a buddy!
[16:19] Mat
    And make sure you come back alive.
[16:23] Mat
    Let's meet again, in his country.
[16:26] Mat
    I'm counting on you, buddies.
[16:27] Mat
    And you too,
[16:29] Mat
    doubles.
[16:31] Gin
    Uh, not that I care, but could you hurry it up?
[16:35] Gin
    It's seriously hot in here.
[16:37] Bo
    Why are you the double?!
[16:43] Sac
    The double is a role rife with danger
[16:45] Sac
    because he will be the first one
    targeted in an attack.
[16:48] Sac
    Gin-san said such a risky role couldn't be
    left to me, and offered to do it himself.
[16:53] Gin
    Hey, bitch.
[16:54] Gin
    I'm done with Kingdom,
[16:56] Gin
    so get me all the volumes of
    Terra Formars within three minutes,
[16:58] Gin
    or I'll have your head.
[16:59] Hij
    He clearly just wants to slack off!
[17:02] Sac
    Don't worry.
[17:03] Sac
    I made him wear a proper disguise.
[17:05] Sac
    Nobody can tell he's not
    the actual shogun, right?
[17:08] Gin
    Man, it's so stuffy.
[17:09] Gin
    Does the shogun have any sweats?
[17:12] Hij
    He's trying to change into sweats!
[17:14] Hij
    Talk about a rough shogun!
[17:16] Hij
    You've gotta be kidding me.
[17:17] Hij
    Why do I have to guard such a moronic lord?
[17:20] Kon
    In the first place, a double like
    him basically screams "fake"!
[17:23] Kag
    Art thou stupid?
[17:25] Kag
    I art heading to Kyo in secret.
[17:28] Kag
    Of course I'd disguise myself.
[17:31] Hij
    Disguise? That was a
    completely different shogun!
[17:36] Shin
    If we are to fool the enemy,
[17:37] Shin
    you all need to act the part.
[17:40] Shin
    What kind of retainer talks
    like that to the shogun?
[17:43] Hij
    Hey! Just how many shoguns
    are in this thing?!
[17:46] Hij
    What's going on inside?!
[17:48] Gin
    Don't you know?
[17:49] Gin
    The shogun operates on a
    three-shift system, dumbass.
[17:52] Hij
    That's not how a three-shift
    system works, dumbass!
[17:57] Gin
    Hey.
[17:58] Gin
    The next time you address me casually,
    I'll seriously have your head.
[18:01] Hij
    Bring it on! Let's see you try!
[18:03] Hij
    I'll assassinate a moronic
    lord like you myself!
[18:06] Gin
    Hear that, men?
[18:14] Sac
    I'll ask you one more time. Do you
    plan to assassinate the shogun?
[18:18] Kon
    Never in a million years!
[18:20] Hij
    It was a joke! Dark humor!
[18:23] Sac
    You'd best be careful.
[18:25] Sac
    Both the Oniwaban and the samurai
    guards are on constant high alert.
[18:29] Sac
    He may only be a double,
[18:31] Sac
    but one wrong move and you'll be full of holes.
[18:33] Gin
    Learned your lesson?
[18:35] Gin
    Be careful about how you
    talk to me from now on, slaves.
[18:38] Hij
    You be careful!
[18:39] Hij
    Why is the double full of holes?!
[18:42] Gin
    I don't care if you're the
    Shinsengumi chief and vice chief.
[18:46] Gin
    You guys are my retainers today,
    so put your minds to it and get to work.
[18:52] Gin
    For starters, carry the
    palanquin as punishment.
[18:55] Gin
    If it shakes even a little,
    you'll be beheaded.
[18:59] Hij
    Curses!
[19:01] Hij
    Who would've thought things
    would end up this way?
[19:04] Hij
    If only we'd brought the Shinsengumi along...
[19:08] G
    A top secret mission?
[19:10] Ymz
    And now the Shinsengumi
    can't move out en masse,
[19:12] Ymz
    so we've been told to guard
    the shogun or something.
[19:15] G
    Hey, that's beyond rude.
[19:18] G
    What mission could be more important
    than guarding the shogun?
[19:22] G
    The castle's been on edge ever since
    the poisoning attempt as it is.
[19:27] G
    There's no telling when an assassin
    could come after him, too.
[19:30] Ymz
    Don't ask me.
[19:31] Ymz
    Maybe they really trust us.
[19:35] Ymz
    Well, Captain Okita's here, so
    things will work out somehow.
[19:39] Ymz
    Huh?
[19:40] Ymz
    Speaking of Captain Okita, where is he?
[19:44] G
    Nothing being picked up on radar.
[19:46] G
    The four escort vessels aren't reporting
    anything out of the ordinary, either.
[19:51] G
    Looks like this might end with
    us just being needlessly worried.
[19:54] G
    The other convoys don't seem to
    be having any problems, either.
[19:57] G
    I guess that's to be expected.
[20:00] G
    Nobody could've ever seen
    through such a perfect plan.
[20:04] G
    No, even if they did see through it,
    they couldn't have taken the shogun's head.
[20:10] G
    After all, he has that man, the strongest
    of the shogun's Oniwaban, by his side...
[20:17] G
    The Marici, Hattori Zenzo.
[20:22] Mai
    Long time no see, Zenzo-dono.
[20:25] Mai
    I wonder how many years it's been
    since you last saw Shigeshige-dono.
[20:31] Zen
    I couldn't say.
[20:32] Zen
    I think it was back when you still
    had one of your arms, old man Maizo.
[20:38] Mai
    I'm glad to see you haven't changed.
[20:41] Mai
    I suppose we've both been through a lot.
[20:44] Zen
    Yeah, so much so that I
    forgot the passage of time.
[20:48] Zen
    But I never once forgot the debt I owe you.
[20:55] Zen
    I'm here to repay it, Shogun.
[21:03] Mai
    Nothing is more reassuring than having
    a man as strong as you on our—
[21:14] Zen
    Back then, you told me
[21:17] Zen
    that the Oniwaban's duty
    isn't to protect the shogun,
[21:21] Zen
    but rather to protect the shogun's duty.
[21:25] Zen
    And that the shogun's duty is
[21:27] Zen
    to protect the country and its people,
    even at the cost of his life.
[21:35] Sho
    Yes, Zenzo...
[21:39] Sho
    I leave the rest to you.
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Preview
[23:30] Rap
    Does this path lead to the future?
[23:33] All
    Show yourself already, assassin!
[23:35] Kam
    Don't give me that look.
[23:37] Kam
    I'm one of your kind.
[23:38] Oki
    Quit looking down on Earth's policemen.
[23:40] Zen
    Whatever you were supposed
    to protect is now gone.
[23:43] Sac
    Just what are you plotting?
SIGN    Shogun Assassination Arc
    Part Two
SIGN    Ninja Village
[23:49] ---
    And a great battle.
[23:49] ---
    A shocking incident...

E301 - Shogun Assassination Arc Part Two: Ninja Village

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Shogun Assassination Arc
    Part Two
SIGN    Ninja Village
SIGN    Watch the Shogun Assassination Arc in a bright
    room and at a safe distance from your TV!
[01:36] Hat
    The Honnoji Incident.
[01:38] Hat
    Akechi Mitsuhide's betrayal
    sent Oda Nobunaga up in flames.
[01:44] Hat
    It is said that Lord Tokugawa
    Ieyasu, future shogun,
[01:46] Hat
    was isolated near Kyoto and found
    himself in his most severe crisis ever.
[01:53] Hat
    The ones who sided with him and
    escorted him safely to Mikawa
[01:58] Hat
    were us Iga ninjas, in what came
    to be known as the Crossing of Iga.
[02:03] Hat
    This led to Lord Ieyasu taking
    the Iga ninjas under his wing,
[02:07] Hat
    and to this day, we continue to guard
    the shogun family as the Oniwaban.
[02:13] Hat
    Zenzo! Go stand in the hallway!
[02:16] Sac
    Sensei, that moron's been out there for ages.
[02:19] Zen
    I'm sick of listening to that crap.
[02:21] Zen
    Who cares about loyalty?
[02:22] Zen
    Leave the lectures to the samurai.
[02:25] Zen
    We should just focus on reading
    Jump and refining our skills.
[02:27] Hat
    Your skills aren't good enough, either!
[02:30] Hat
    Zenzo!
[02:32] Hat
    Standing in the hallway
    won't cool your head, huh?
[02:35] Hat
    Go stand in the river Styx!
[02:36] Zen
    That's more like it. Ninjas need not lectures,
[02:40] Zen
    but practice!
[02:42] Sac
    Sensei...
[02:43] Sac
    We're tired of this routine.
[02:46] Sac
    How ironic.
[02:51] Sac
    The ninjas who escorted the
    shogun east in the past
[02:55] Sac
    are now heading back west,
    escorting the shogun out of Edo.
[03:00] Kao
    It'd be fine if it were the shogun.
[03:02] Kao
    But just look at the people we're guarding.
SIGN    Dango
[03:05] Gin
    Hey, quit dawdling!
[03:07] Gin
    I said, bring out all the dango this shop has!
[03:10] Shin
    Don't anger us.
[03:12] Kag
    Keep looking down on me, and I'll
    have all you slaves beheaded!
[03:15] Gin
    Sheesh. Being a leader ain't easy, huh?
[03:19] Gin
    Tea!
[03:20] Gin
    Who'd want to pay these useless
    retainers 360 yen per hour?
[03:23] Hij
    I make more than that!
[03:27] Gin
    I'm so damn irritated.
[03:28] Gin
    The irritation keeps coming at me
    in a three-shift rotation.
[03:32] Gin
    We're parading the shogun
    out in broad daylight,
[03:34] Gin
    but the enemy's not falling
    for the trap at all.
[03:36] Hij
    In what world would a shogun like you exist?!
[03:39] Gin
    Are they even trying to assassinate me?
[03:41] Gin
    If they're not up for it,
    I shall return home at once.
[03:44] Gin
    Show yourself already, assassin!
[03:46] Gin
    The shogun's right here!
[03:48] Gin
    Come at me whenever!
[03:49] Hij
    Cut it out!
[03:50] Hij
    You'll ruin the plan!
[03:52] Kao
    How far the Oniwaban have fallen.
[03:55] Kao
    Well, I guess we're not alone in that regard.
[03:59] Kao
    Even if Shigeshige-sama
    does escape safely to Kyo,
[04:02] Kao
    can he really hope to make a comeback
    after losing so much power?
[04:08] Kao
    Does this path even have a future?
[04:11] Kao
    Zenzo probably didn't come because
    he took that into account.
[04:16] Kao
    Remember how he always said
[04:18] Kao
    that the Iga ninjas simply sold out,
[04:21] Kao
    and we haven't changed since the time we
    switched allegiances at the drop of a hat.
[04:25] Kao
    That the shogun was merely the highest
    bidder for the Oniwaban's services,
[04:29] Kao
    and that we never had any notions
    of loyalty to begin with.
[04:35] Sac
    He's not like that.
[04:39] Sac
    Sure, he's not loyal in the least,
[04:44] Sac
    but he probably...
[04:47] G
    Sarutobi!
[04:52] (Flashback) Sho
    The duty of the Oniwaban isn't
    to protect the shogun,
[04:57] (Flashback) Sho
    but rather to protect the shogun's duty.
[05:01] (Flashback) Sho
    And the shogun's duty
[05:03] (Flashback) Sho
    is to protect the country and its people,
    even at the cost of his life.
[05:08] (Flashback) Sho
    If I become the shogun someday,
[05:12] (Flashback) Sho
    I hope we can fight together
[05:15] (Flashback) Sho
    for this country.
[05:30] Mai
    Sh...
[05:33] Mai
    Shigeshige-sama...
[05:39] Zen
    I'm sorry to say,
[05:43] Zen
    but you can't protect this
    nation as its shogun.
[05:51] Zen
    So give up your life to
    fulfill the shogun's duty,
[05:56] Zen
    and I'll fulfill mine.
[05:59] Mai
    Z-Zenzo!
[06:04] Zen
    Make sure to burn the events that
    transpired here into your memory
[06:07] Zen
    and tell future generations about it.
[06:10] Zen
    I'm the man who assassinated the shogun,
[06:13] Zen
    traitor to the nation, Hattori Zenzo.
[06:17] Zen
    I'm prepared to bear that cross for eternity.
[06:26] Zen
    Sheesh.
[06:27] Zen
    I can't say I like these rough jobs.
[06:31] G
    What the hell is this?
[06:33] G
    Where'd they come from?
[06:34] G
    I thought the radar wasn't picking anything up!
[06:36] G
    What are the escort vessels doing?!
[06:38] G
    We've lost contact!
[06:39] G
    Just who are they?
[06:45] G
    Wh-What's going on?!
[06:47] G
    The escort vessels in the rear suddenly fired.
[06:50] G
    No...
[06:51] G
    There's an unidentified fleet up ahead, too!
[06:55] G
    Were we betrayed? No way!
[06:57] G
    Only the best and most loyal
    retainers knew about this plan!
[07:04] G
    Y-You...
[07:10] Sac
    Really?
[07:11] G
    Yeah.
[07:12] G
    Two scouts and three patrolmen
[07:15] G
    were all taken out with one blow from behind.
[07:17] Kao
    How'd they slip through the Oniwaban's net?
[07:20] Sac
    Are you saying there are traitors among us?
[07:22] G
    That's highly likely.
[07:23] G
    Anyway, it's too risky to head west like this.
[07:27] G
    We should assemble the whole
    squad and investigate.
[07:31] Sac
    There's no need to go to such lengths.
[07:33] Sac
    There are no traitors here.
[07:36] Sac
    There are only
[07:40] Sac
    fakes who disguised their faces but
    couldn't disguise their killing intent.
[07:48] Gin
    Jeez.
[07:49] Gin
    They finally fell for the trap, huh?
[07:53] Gin
    Or should I say, we fell for theirs?
[07:55] Sac
    It's a game of deception.
[07:57] Sac
    We'd prepared body doubles of the shogun,
[08:00] Sac
    but it seems they'd snuck in
    body doubles of our allies.
[08:06] Sac
    In other words,
[08:08] Sac
    the enemy's using ninjas, too.
[08:17] Kam
    Look at them go.
[08:18] Kam
    Ninjas sure are amazing.
[08:20] Kam
    Just by sneaking a few in,
    you can walk all over the enemy.
[08:23] Kam
    They're almost like termites.
[08:25] Abu
    What kind of analogy is that?
[08:27] Kam
    I never knew anyone other than
    samurai were that strong!
[08:29] Kam
    I'm getting all fired up!
[08:31] Abu
    Please don't. They're on our side.
[08:34] Kam
    I know, I know.
[08:36] Kam
    This time, I'm competing with Shinsuke
[08:38] Kam
    to see who can take the real shogun's head.
[08:41] Abu
    We won't get a chance to do anything.
[08:43] Abu
    Get a load of that kid.
[08:45] Abu
    Isn't she the shogun's little sister?
[08:48] Abu
    A VIP like that doesn't
    even have a bodyguard.
[08:52] Abu
    It'll soon be the end for
    the main keep, as well.
[08:58] Oki
    Look, Princess.
[09:01] Oki
    That's the offal.
[09:02] Oki
    That's the liver.
[09:03] Oki
    And that's—
[09:04] Soyo
    No! Stop it!
[09:07] Oki
    Now...
[09:08] Oki
    What's next? The heart, or the tripe?
[09:34] Oki
    Good grief. Hijikata-san's
    instinct was right on the money.
[09:39] Oki
    I've been made to sneak
    right into the maelstrom.
[09:43] Oki
    What an honor.
[09:45] Oki
    A country samurai like me, getting to play
    the last retainer defending the main keep.
[09:51] Oki
    Both the enemy's head and my
    lord's are riding on my sword.
[09:57] Oki
    Don't give me that look, Princess.
[10:01] Oki
    I'm on your side, you know.
[10:11] Kam
    Oops, my bad.
[10:13] Kam
    I thought I could fly if I opened my umbrella,
[10:15] Kam
    but it didn't work.
[10:17] Oki
    Hey...
[10:18] Oki
    What kind of punk-ass Sheeta are you?
[10:23] Kam
    Don't give me that look.
[10:25] Kam
    I'm one of your kind.
[10:59] G
    Using ninjas to tear us down
    from the inside was impressive.
[11:04] G
    But you guys have made a huge mistake!
[11:10] Tak
    I figured, because I feel like
    I'm slicing through butter here.
[11:15] Tak
    Apparently we picked the wrong option.
[11:25] G
    Y-You bastards won't be able
    to take the shogun's head.
[11:30] Tak
    I never cared about that to begin with.
[11:33] Tak
    What we're after isn't the head,
[11:36] Tak
    but you guys, the shogun's limbs.
[11:40] G
    T-Takasugi!
[11:42] G
    Don't tell me you guys...
[11:44] Tak
    It's not just here.
[11:46] Tak
    We're targeting every area the
    shogun faction scattered to.
[11:49] G
    No way...
[11:50] G
    How'd you assemble such a massive force?
[11:53] G
    Who's pulling your strings?
    Where's the mastermind?
[11:58] Tak
    In the same hell you're about to go to.
[12:04] Kam
    All right. I'm done cleaning.
[12:06] Kam
    Now I can fight without worry.
[12:09] Kam
    You should hurry up and get rid of that, too.
[12:12] Kam
    You can't go all-out with
    her in the way, right?
[12:15] Oki
    Tell me, are all of you guys carrying umbrellas
    around all day without a care in the world
[12:20] Oki
    out of your goddamn minds?
[12:23] Kam
    Aren't you the same?
[12:25] Kam
    Takes one to know one, as they say.
[12:28] Kam
    You don't actually care
    about the shogun, do you?
[12:32] Kam
    You've got the eyes of someone who
    flocked here 'cause you smelled blood.
[12:36] Kam
    The eyes of a killer.
[12:40] Kam
    Relax.
[12:41] Kam
    Even if you only fight criminals...
[12:49] Kam
    I'm one very heinous criminal.
[12:52] Oki
    Then...
[12:55] Oki
    Give me your best shot.
[12:57] Oki
    Try hitting here next time.
[13:00] Oki
    Take careful aim,
[13:02] Oki
    'cause if you miss, you'll be the
    one with the hole in his chest,
[13:06] Oki
    Mr. Self-Proclaimed Space Criminal.
[13:09] Oki
    Quit looking down on Earth's policemen.
[14:01] ---
    Was that
[14:02] Kam
    from a corpse?
[14:13] Soyo
    Okita-san!
[14:14] Soyo
    Okita-san!
[14:16] Mai
    Princess!
[14:18] Soyo
    Gramps!
[14:20] Soyo
    You're all right? Hurry and escape!
[14:22] Soyo
    Wait, Okita-san got caught up in an explosion.
[14:26] Soyo
    And Brother still hasn't...
[14:29] Soyo
    Where is he?
[14:31] Soyo
    He's all right, isn't he? Tell me he's okay!
[14:36] Soyo
    Why won't you answe—
[14:38] Mai
    Princess...
[14:39] Oki
    Could you quit wasting time
    and take her away already?
[14:44] Mai
    O-Okita-dono!
[14:47] Oki
    Get going.
[14:49] Oki
    Just one of these monsters would
    be a handful, and there are ten.
[14:53] Oki
    I don't know how many minutes I can buy you.
[14:57] Abu
    Hey, Commander.
[14:59] Abu
    This is why I told you not
    to do anything stupid.
[15:04] Kam
    Talk about a fragile ship.
[15:06] Kam
    Things were just getting good, too.
[15:08] Abu
    Yeah, they were getting good.
[15:10] Abu
    A few inches over, and I could've bid
    farewell to a real pain in the ass.
[15:16] Kam
    Give me a sec. It'll be taken care of soon.
[15:18] Abu
    No can do. I'm not going down with this ship.
[15:22] Abu
    Besides, it's all taken care of already.
[15:30] Zen
    Give it a rest.
[15:32] Zen
    Haven't you had enough?
[15:35] Zen
    If it's a head you want...
[15:37] Zen
    If it's the shogun's head
    you want, it's right here.
[16:01] Kag
    Gin-chan, these guys...
[16:08] Shin
    Sacchan-san!
[16:09] Sac
    All the scouts have been taken out.
[16:12] Sac
    Judging from their techniques,
    they're most definitely Iga people.
[16:16] Shin
    Iga people?
[16:17] Sac
    People from the ninja village
    that gave birth to us Oniwaban.
[16:23] Shin
    Then your brethren are doing this?
[16:25] Sac
    Within the Iga-style ninjas,
[16:26] Sac
    the Oniwaban is a branch of sorts
    that was hired by Lord Ieyasu.
[16:31] Sac
    But those who stayed behind in Iga hold
    no loyalty toward the shogun family.
[16:36] Sac
    They're a band of mercenaries that
    only look out for themselves.
[16:40] Sac
    And now they've moved out
    to take the shogun's head.
[16:45] Sac
    No, this is more like...
[16:47] Sac
    The ninja village itself has
    turned into the shogun's enemy.
[16:55] Sac
    Who could be mobilizing such a huge force?
[16:58] Sac
    The only ones capable are the three
    great ninjas who rule over Iga!
[17:07] Sac
    Head of the Fujibayashi Clan,
    Fujibayashi Gaimon.
[17:11] Sac
    Head of the Momochi Clan, Momochi Rappa.
[17:15] Sac
    And the head of the Hattori Clan,
[17:19] Sac
    Hattori Zenzo.
[17:22] Zen
    This is the end.
[17:23] Zen
    Your lord is already dead.
[17:26] Zen
    Whatever you were supposed
    to protect is now gone.
[17:31] Kam
    Who's that?
[17:32] Abu
    He works fast, all right.
[17:35] Abu
    Hattori Zenzo, the cornerstone
    of the Shogun assassination plot,
[17:40] Abu
    and one of the leaders of Iga.
[17:43] Zen
    I don't recall ever leading
    such an unruly mob.
[17:46] Zen
    I could've handled this myself,
    but now you've made a mess of things.
[17:50] Abu
    Well, aren't you a confident one?
[17:52] Zen
    Yeah.
[17:53] Zen
    Feel free to examine it.
[17:55] Zen
    It's most definitely
    Tokugawa Shigeshige's head.
[17:59] Abu
    So you really could kill your former lord.
[18:03] Zen
    He was the one who said he would
    protect the country and its people.
[18:07] Zen
    If his head could put an end to pointless
    conflict, I'm sure he was glad to give it.
[18:11] Oki
    Pointless conflict?
[18:14] Oki
    That's rich, coming from a guy who
    didn't fight to protect a thing.
[18:25] Zen
    Send word to all the units.
[18:27] Zen
    Tell them this little ruckus is over,
[18:29] Zen
    and that they ought to work smart.
[18:33] Oki
    Hold it!
[18:37] Abu
    I guess it's about time.
[18:39] Abu
    Let's go.
[18:40] G
    What about him?
[18:41] Abu
    Leave him.
[18:43] Abu
    They don't even have a
    reason to fight anymore.
[18:48] Abu
    Hey, Commander!
[18:54] Abu
    Good grief.
[18:55] Abu
    Both these morons still
    have their game faces on.
[19:02] Oki
    Know that Earth has a custom
    known as battles for revenge,
[19:08] Oki
    Criminal.
[19:10] Kam
    I'll keep that in mind,
[19:13] Kam
    Policeman.
[19:18] Sac
    I can't believe you were on their side.
[19:22] Sac
    Just what are you plotting?
[19:24] Rap
    Ninjas carry out their missions in silence.
[19:28] Rap
    Hand over the shogun or
    these whelps will die.
[19:33] Rap
    That's all you're getting from me.
[19:34] Gai
    Momochi, you should spell it out.
[19:38] Gai
    Tell them that they stand
    in the way of our success.
[19:41] Rap
    Silence, Fujibayashi.
[19:44] Gai
    So you really don't know what state
    the ninja homeland is in right now.
[19:50] Gai
    Six months ago, cannonballs rained
    down from the sky above Iga.
[19:55] Gai
    The village was attacked by a
    strangely-dressed mob carrying umbrellas.
[20:00] Gai
    If we defied them, they
    would burn down the village.
[20:02] Gai
    But if we helped assassinate the shogun,
[20:05] Gai
    we'd be hired as the new Oniwaban
    for the reformed government.
[20:09] Gai
    That was the deal they offered us.
[20:11] Sac
    You actually took that cheap bait?
[20:14] Gai
    Didn't you people do the same before?
[20:17] Gai
    We lagged behind you
    during the Crossing of Iga,
[20:20] Gai
    but it's our turn this time.
[20:25] Rap
    It appears we were too late.
[20:27] Rap
    The Hattori brat has already
    taken the shogun's head.
[20:32] Rap
    Too bad, Fujibayashi.
[20:34] Rap
    The Hattori Clan will
    hog all the glory again.
[20:37] Gai
    No.
[20:38] Gai
    There's still plenty of glory to go around.
[20:44] Gai
    Men!
[20:45] Gai
    We don't need this trash anymore!
[20:47] Gai
    Kill as many as you can and
    cover yourself in glor—
[20:53] Hij
    I know you went out of your
    way to give that order,
[20:56] Hij
    but we don't take orders from you.
[20:59] Kag
    Toshi!
[21:01] Hij
    Don't call me that.
[21:04] Kon
    True that. There's only one man in this
    entire country who can order us around.
[21:10] Gai
    When did you bastards...
[21:13] Gai
    Quit standing around and kill them!
[21:16] Gai
    Momochi, you too—
[21:19] Rap
    I'm sorry.
[21:20] Rap
    I'm not obligated to take orders from a traitor
    who was in cahoots with the enemy, either.
[21:27] Gai
    Momochi, you couldn't have!
[21:30] Rap
    I'd already accepted a request, you see.
[21:33] Rap
    How about this for an idea?
[21:35] Rap
    Let's have the highest-ranked
    person here take charge.
[21:41] Gai
    N-No way...
[21:44] Gai
    You can't be...
[21:49] Sho
    I order you as shogun.
[21:58] Sho
    Take out the rebels.
[22:00] Gai
    I-It's the shogun?!
SIGN    Preview
[23:37] Zen
    Welcome to ninja country.
[23:39] Sho
    They're precious friends.
[23:42] Kag
    Gin-chan! Sho-chan!
[23:43] Abu
    Can you protect this country?!
SIGN    Shogun Assassination Arc
     Part Three
[23:46] Zen
    Hey, Shigeshige.
SIGN    Ninja Soul
SIGN    It's the shogun?!
SIGN    He was alive?!
SIGN    Who did Zenzo kill, then?
SIGN    And the Harusame Space Pirates descend upon Iga once again!

E302 - Shogun Assassination Arc Part Three: Ninja Soul

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:10] Sho
    I order you as shogun.
[00:13] Sho
    Take out the rebels!
[00:15] Gai
    C-Curse you!
[00:26] Rap
    I can't believe that one of
    Iga's three great ninjas
[00:29] Rap
    would so disgracefully attack his target
    instead of admitting defeat.
[00:32] Rap
    But it's all over.
[00:35] Gai
    Momochi, you set me up?!
[00:38] Shin
    Why is the shogun in the
    shogun assassination squad?
[00:40] Shin
    I mean, Zenzo-san killed the real one...
[00:43] Sho
    That wasn't me.
[00:46] Sho
    No...
[00:46] Sho
    The shogun you all probably met in
    the past few days wasn't me, either.
[00:52] Sho
    I was kidnapped by a certain someone
[00:54] Sho
    immediately after the incident in the palace.
[00:58] Sho
    And I was hiding in Iga, under
    the protection of Momochi here.
[01:02] Shin
    What?!
[01:03] Shin
    That shogun was a fake, too?
[01:06] Kon
    Kidnap the shogun from the palace?
[01:09] Hij
    That's not...
[01:10] Sac
    It is possible,
[01:12] Sac
    for him.
[01:14] Gai
    It can't be!
[01:17] Gai
    That brat?
[01:19] Gai
    It was all that Hattori brat's doing?!
[02:55] Gai
    Momochi, you...
[02:57] Gai
    Did the two of you conspire to
    fake the shogun's death?!
[03:01] Gai
    You outwitted your enemies,
    allies, and even us Iga ninjas?!
SIGN    Watch the Shogun Assassination Arc in a bright room
    and at a safe distance from your TV!
[03:05] Rap
    You don't get to call yourself
    an Iga ninja, scumbag.
[03:09] Rap
    The only reason Iga fell so easily
[03:11] Rap
    must've been because you all
    were in cahoots with the enemy.
[03:14] Rap
    Unfortunately for you, that brat and
    I are ninjas through and through.
[03:18] Rap
    We choose our lords and
    our enemies ourselves—
[03:22] Gai
    Quit the bullshit, you senile blockhead.
[03:24] Gai
    It's all over.
[03:26] Gai
    Iga, the shogun, and everything!
[03:33] Rap
    You won't take the shogun's head
    with pathetic ninja arts like that.
[03:40] Rap
    Or, for that matter, Momochi Rappa's.
[03:53] Rap
    You lack training.
[03:56] Rap
    Now this is true ninja artillery.
[04:01] Gin
    That was her real body?!
SIGN    Shogun Assassination Arc
    Part Three
SIGN    Ninja Soul
[04:12] Rap
    The holy land of ninjas,
[04:13] Rap
    the hidden village of Shiranui.
[04:16] Rap
    This place is under the protection
    of Marici, the god of ninjas,
[04:20] Rap
    so the shogun will be safe here.
[04:24] Rap
    Have some tea and relax.
[04:27] Rap
    Drink up.
[04:28] Rap
    It's the village's special tea, nincha.
[04:31] Shin
    Uh, excuse me, Momochi-san.
[04:34] Shin
    That's a weapon, isn't it?
[04:36] Shin
    Not a person, right?
[04:38] Rap
    Are you whelps too young for tea?
[04:40] Rap
    Have this, then.
[04:43] Kag
    Cocoa!
[04:44] Shin
    It's safe, right?
[04:45] Shin
    You're the real body, right?!
[04:47] Rap
    I'm a ninja who practices puppet arts,
[04:50] Rap
    one who controls a puppet
    and is controlled by one.
[04:55] Rap
    We are both the real Momochi Rappa.
[04:58] Shin
    Uh, I'm not sure I follow.
[05:00] Shin
    And you look more like
    a puppet, if you ask me.
[05:03] Rap
    Worry not.
[05:04] Rap
    Momo-chan can be a weapon at some times,
[05:06] Rap
    and a teapot at others.
    She's an all-purpose puppet.
[05:09] Kon
    So it's safe, then.
[05:11] Rap
    And at times, she can also be a toilet.
[05:15] Rap
    Hey, there's a toilet right here.
[05:17] Rap
    You won't find a restroom if you go that way.
[05:20] Rap
    Nor will you survive.
[05:22] Rap
    This is a ninja fortress.
[05:23] Rap
    You'd best not run around carelessly.
[05:25] Rap
    Some have had their bodies twisted
    the moment they entered a restroom.
[05:29] Shin
    What is this, the Dark Continent?
[05:30] Gin
    I see.
[05:32] Gin
    Yeah, the shogun really might be safe here.
[05:36] Shin
    The shogun went and got
    himself twisted first!
[05:38] Shin
    Down there?!
[05:39] Shin
    So you get twisted down there?!
[05:41] Rap
    It should be clear to you now.
[05:43] Rap
    I shall guarantee the shogun's safety.
[05:46] Rap
    Leave the rest to me and withdraw.
[05:48] Kag
    Who'll protect the shogun, if not us?
[05:52] Rap
    The enemy is as powerful as an entire nation.
[05:56] Rap
    "Protect"?
[05:57] Rap
    Shallow thinking like that will
    only get the shogun killed again.
[06:01] Rap
    Could you kill the shogun,
    like the Hattori brat did?
[06:08] Shin
    What do you mean?
[06:09] Rap
    I met him a month after the
    Harusame overran Iga village.
[06:15] Rap
    Since he'd already been keeping
    tabs on the situation, he knew that
[06:19] Rap
    while the enemy had started as a group of
    radical Joi Rebels in the Hitotsubashi faction,
[06:23] Rap
    they had now grown into a
    massive, unstoppable force.
[06:29] Rap
    That they wouldn't stop attacking as
    long as the shogun stayed the shogun.
[06:35] Rap
    That if we wanted to protect
    the shogun, protect Iga,
[06:38] Rap
    and prevent further warfare,
[06:41] Rap
    there was only one way to do it:
[06:43] Rap
    kill Tokugawa Shigeshige, the shogun,
[06:46] Rap
    and return him to merely being
    Tokugawa Shigeshige.
[06:49] Rap
    What he lopped off was
    the position of shogun.
[06:53] Rap
    By taking him out of the political picture,
[06:55] Rap
    he tried to protect the life of
    Tokugawa Shigeshige, the man.
[07:01] Rap
    To that end, he chose to throw his life away
[07:04] Rap
    and go down in the history books as a traitor.
[07:09] (Flashback) Zen
    Take it.
[07:11] (Flashback) Zen
    I can't get curious about what happens next.
[07:13] (Flashback) Zen
    It'll make me waver.
[07:16] Gin
    That bastard was planning it all along?
[07:24] Shin
    Sacchan-san!
[07:26] Rap
    Don't tell anyone that the shogun is alive,
[07:30] Rap
    if you don't want anyone else to die.
[07:33] Gin
    Do you really think they'll be satisfied
    with taking the shogun's head?
[07:38] Rap
    Are you familiar with the enemy?
[07:43] Gin
    You bet I am.
[07:46] Gin
    Enough to make me sick.
[07:50] G
    Impossible!
[07:51] G
    That's the Harusame!
[07:54] Shin
    No way!
[07:55] Shin
    Why are they coming to Iga again?!
[07:57] Shin
    Did they find out that the
    shogun was hidden here?!
[08:03] Rap
    The Hattori brat wouldn't mess up like that.
[08:06] Shin
    Then why?
[08:08] Gin
    Take a good look, you guys.
[08:10] Gin
    This is who he is.
[08:12] Gin
    He won't stop, even if the shogun dies.
[08:15] Gin
    He won't stop, even if the entire
    political landscape changes.
[08:20] Gin
    If you want to stop him,
[08:23] Gin
    you'll have to kill him.
[08:38] Kam
    Hello?
[08:39] Kam
    Where are you right now, Abuto?
[08:41] G
    C-Commander!
[08:43] G
    Th-The vice commander is
    in the restroom right now.
[08:46] Kam
    That so?
[08:47] Kam
    Tell him that he'll get a pay cut if
    he's not back within three seconds.
[08:50] Abu
    Hey, Commander. I just got done.
[08:53] Abu
    That was one smooth dump.
    I probably didn't even need to wipe.
[08:57] Kam
    Where'd you run off to
    while I was off the ship?
[09:00] Kam
    I don't see you anywhere.
[09:01] Abu
    We're looking for you, too,
    but can't find you anywhere.
[09:05] Kam
    You're not off doing something
    fun while I'm gone, are you?
[09:08] Abu
    Of course not!
[09:09] Kam
    You're not headed to Iga
    with Shinsuke, are you?
[09:12] Abu
    Of course not!
[09:14] Abu
    Did you find who you were looking for?
[09:16] Kam
    Nope. I guess they must've died.
[09:19] Kam
    All of them.
[09:21] Kam
    Aww, what a waste.
[09:23] Kam
    And here I'd managed to find
    such an interesting rarity.
[09:26] Kam
    Anyway, I'll head over there.
    Tell me where you are.
[09:29] Abu
    Uh, you're wounded, so why don't
    you take it easy for a while?
[09:33] Kam
    Fine.
[09:34] Kam
    I'll come through here, then.
[09:36] Abu
    You can do that?!
[09:37] Kam
    Abuto...
[09:39] Kam
    You know what'll happen if you go and
    do anything fun without me, right—
[09:41] Abu
    Cut!
[09:42] Abu
    Cut the feed!
[09:44] G
    A-Are you sure about this?
[09:47] Abu
    As if I could bring along a guy who was
    looking for prey even when wounded.
[09:52] Abu
    Besides,
[09:54] Abu
    I can't help but feel there's trouble brewing.
[09:58] Abu
    Where'd that guy go?
    Where'd Hattori Zenzo go?
[10:03] G
    Stop the ships!
[10:04] G
    State your business!
[10:08] Tak
    Why don't you put them at ease?
[10:11] Tak
    Tell them we're only here to thank them
    for helping to assassinate the shogun.
[10:14] Zen
    If you want to thank someone, thank me.
[10:16] Zen
    Those idiots weren't very useful at all.
[10:20] Tak
    You don't seem the type to care
    much about achievements.
[10:24] Zen
    I was the one who took the shogun's head.
[10:26] Zen
    I don't want a medal or anything,
[10:28] Zen
    but I don't want anybody taking credit
    for the job I carried out with my skills.
[10:32] Zen
    Or taking the fall for it.
[10:35] Zen
    That was your plan all along, wasn't it?
[10:37] Zen
    You guys didn't get the Iga involved
    just to borrow their strength.
[10:43] Zen
    You wanted them to take the blame
    for the shogun's assassination
[10:46] Zen
    and be destroyed in the
    name of Lord Hitotsubashi.
[10:50] Zen
    In other words,
[10:52] Zen
    you used us ninjas to give him a just cause
    to become the next shogun, didn't you?
[10:59] Zen
    Talk about looking down on me.
[11:01] Zen
    Are you saying the name Hattori Zenzo
    isn't enough to bear that cross?
[11:10] Tak
    This isn't the Crossing of Iga,
    but rather the Crossing of Styx,
[11:14] Tak
    and you don't have enough companions.
[11:17] Tak
    Go give the shogun's skull
    some company in hell,
[11:21] Tak
    Oniwaban.
[11:23] Zen
    Oh, I've already got enough people
    taking a trip to hell with me
[11:27] Zen
    right here.
[11:33] G
    What the?
[11:34] G
    What's this black fog?
[11:36] Zen
    Flame Mist.
[11:37] Zen
    An Iga-developed smokescreen that explodes
    when it detects high temperatures.
[11:42] Zen
    With this, your big dongs
    have been rendered useless.
[11:45] Zen
    The only thing you can believe
    in is your own skills.
[11:48] Zen
    Now, how many of you can
    I take to hell with me?
[11:53] Zen
    I'll show you what a traitor
    to the nation is capable of.
[11:58] Zen
    Welcome to ninja country.
[12:04] (Flashback) Sac
    You haven't changed one bit, have you?
[12:08] (Flashback) Zen
    That is my creed.
[12:10] (Flashback) Sac
    I see.
[12:11] (Flashback) Sac
    You've really forgotten, huh?
[12:19] Rap
    So it did end up like this after all.
[12:22] Rap
    Don't let the Hattori brat die alone.
[12:25] Rap
    Show them the skills we have honed.
[12:27] Rap
    Show them the ninja soul!
[12:36] Gin
    Where might you be headed?
[12:39] Gin
    You don't look like you're running for it.
[12:42] Kag
    Sho-chan,
[12:44] Kag
    we can't let you go any further.
[12:46] Shin
    Please leave this to us and take refuge.
[12:53] Sho
    Step aside.
[12:55] Sho
    I know that everyone's fighting for me.
[13:00] Sho
    But...
[13:02] Sho
    But I cannot bear to see
    any more people die for m—
[13:07] Shin
    Gin-san!
[13:08] Gin
    In that case, do you wanna abandon
    everything and die right here?
[13:12] Gin
    I'll help you cast aside the lives
    of everyone who's died for you,
[13:15] Gin
    and put you out of your misery.
[13:18] Gin
    Or will you live on, using countless
    corpses as stepping stones?
[13:23] Gin
    Pick whichever you like.
[13:25] Gin
    All I'll say is,
[13:27] Gin
    even if you run away from your battle,
[13:30] Gin
    we don't plan on running from ours.
[13:38] Gin
    Pachi-boy!
[13:40] Gin
    Shogun, you...
[13:44] Sho
    I was taught how to throw them long ago
[13:47] Sho
    by the Oniwaban.
[13:51] Sho
    To me, they're not merely retainers.
[13:55] Sho
    They're precious friends.
[14:00] Sho
    Please, let me go!
[14:02] Sho
    I don't want to let them...
[14:04] Sho
    To let Zenzo die!
[14:08] Abu
    Sheesh.
[14:09] Abu
    Yet another ship down the drain.
[14:12] Abu
    He's good, that Hattori Zenzo.
[14:15] Abu
    But it looks like my instinct
    was right on the money.
[14:18] Abu
    I thought he was fishy, and
    that he was hiding something.
[14:23] Abu
    And look, we found the real shogun's head.
[14:27] Shin
    S-So many Yato...
[14:32] Kag
    Gin-chan! Sho-chan!
[14:34] Abu
    I'm sorry, but once the rabbits
    of the night lock on to their prey,
[14:38] Abu
    they don't let it escape!
[14:41] Abu
    I see.
[14:43] Abu
    Ninja country's out for revenge, eh?
[14:48] Abu
    Interesting.
[14:49] Abu
    If the commander saw this, he'd jump for joy.
[14:53] Abu
    The nation's strongest warriors teamed
    up to challenge the universe's strongest?
[14:59] Abu
    Can you defend this country from us?!
[15:07] Mat
    Well done coming back
    from that disaster alive.
[15:11] Mat
    You have my gratitude for
    protecting the princess.
[15:15] Mai
    It was all thanks to Okita-dono.
[15:19] Mai
    He aided in our escape until
    right before the ship sank.
[15:25] Mai
    If it weren't for him,
    none of us would've survived.
[15:31] Mat
    That troublemaker did all that?
[15:32] Mat
    So we've been saved by a couple of punks,
    who're the farthest thing from loyal.
[15:40] Mat
    And that Zenzo...
[15:42] Mat
    Who would've thought he'd trick
    even us to save Sho-chan?
[15:46] Mat
    Are you sure?
[15:48] Mai
    Yes.
[15:49] Mai
    That wasn't Shigeshige-sama.
[15:52] Mai
    When I checked the body, I didn't find
    something that should've been there.
[15:58] Mai
    A scar.
[15:59] Mat
    A scar?
[16:00] Mat
    That's news to me.
[16:03] Mai
    It's a secret that only Shigeshige-sama,
    the Oniwaban, and I know.
[16:08] Mai
    No...
[16:09] Mai
    It's proof of the bonds between
    Shigeshige-sama and the Oniwaban.
[16:38] Mai
    Shigeshige-sama met them before he became
    the shogun, and they the Oniwaban.
[16:47] Mai
    He was deeply shocked to learn
[16:51] Mai
    that kids his age were laying down
    their lives to protect him
[16:58] Mai
    as his body doubles.
[17:03] (Flashback) Sad
    What? The double got kidnapped?
[17:06] (Flashback) Mai
    It's probably the Mito faction's doing.
[17:09] (Flashback) Mai
    Their demands—
[17:10] (Flashback) Sad
    Ignore them.
[17:12] (Flashback) Sad
    The Oniwaban's duty is to protect the shogun.
[17:16] (Flashback) Sad
    While there's only one shogun in this world,
[17:18] (Flashback) Sad
    there are plenty of doubles to go around.
[17:26] (Flashback) Sac
    Where do you think you're going,
[17:28] (Flashback) Sac
    Zenzo?
[17:30] (Flashback) Sac
    Are you going to defy the shogun?
[17:34] (Flashback) Sac
    Are you going to save
    Kagemaru all by yourself?
[17:36] (Flashback) Zen
    What shogun?
[17:39] (Flashback) Zen
    I learned during the lectures
[17:41] (Flashback) Zen
    that the Oniwaban's duty
    isn't to protect the shogun,
[17:45] (Flashback) Zen
    but rather to protect the shogun's duty.
[17:48] (Flashback) Zen
    That's why he became a double.
[17:52] (Flashback) Zen
    In my eyes, a shogun who'd
    abandon him is no shogun at all,
[17:56] (Flashback) Zen
    so I'm gonna do as I pl—
[17:57] (Flashback) Sho
    Oh, so that's what being
    a shogun is all about.
[18:02] (Flashback) Sho
    Then would you help me fulfill my duty?
[18:06] (Flashback) Sho
    I want to save the double.
[18:09] (Flashback) Mai
    I only found out about it
    after it was all over,
[18:14] Mai
    when Shigeshige-sama came
    back covered in blood.
[18:18] Mai
    Would you believe it,
[18:19] Mai
    not only did he charge into the rebel base,
[18:22] Mai
    he also protected the double in that fracas
[18:24] Mai
    and ended up with a deep wound on his chest.
[18:30] Mai
    The real shogun got gravely
    injured to help the double.
[18:33] Mai
    If this had come to light, the entire
    clan would've been beheaded.
[18:39] Mai
    But...
[18:40] (Flashback) Sho
    Fret not.
[18:41] (Flashback) Sho
    Isn't this what doubles are for?
[18:45] (Flashback) Sho
    I'm sorry to ask this of you after you
    went through a harrowing experience,
[18:49] (Flashback) Sho
    but could you take my place
    for a little longer?
[18:53] Mai
    To cover up the incident, Shigeshige-sama
    switched places with his double.
[18:59] Mai
    For the little over six months
    it took for the wound to heal,
[19:01] Mai
    he hid among the Oniwaban as
    the double, protecting them.
[19:12] (Flashback) Zen
    Hey, Shogun.
[19:17] (Flashback) Zen
    This is how you throw these knives.
[19:25] (Flashback) Zen
    Hey, Shogun. A ninja shouldn't be
    crying over such a minor wound.
[19:34] (Flashback) Zen
    Hey, Shogun.
[19:35] (Flashback) Zen
    Jump is most fun to read during class.
[19:47] (Flashback) Zen
    Hey...
[19:49] (Flashback) Zen
    Shigeshige.
[19:52] (Flashback) Sho
    You finally called me by name.
[19:55] (Flashback) Zen
    Well, I probably won't get another chance.
[19:58] (Flashback) Zen
    The next time we meet, will I
    have to call you Shogun-sama?
[20:01] (Flashback) Sho
    Address me however you like.
[20:03] (Flashback) Sho
    But no matter what I come to be called,
[20:05] (Flashback) Sho
    I shall never forget the time
    I spent here with you all.
[20:10] (Flashback) Sho
    I shall never forget what you all taught me.
[20:13] (Flashback) Sho
    The duty of the Oniwaban isn't
    to protect the shogun,
[20:18] (Flashback) Sho
    but rather to protect the shogun's duty.
[20:21] (Flashback) Sho
    And the shogun's duty
[20:23] (Flashback) Sho
    is to protect the country and its people,
    even at the cost of his life.
[20:27] (Flashback) Sho
    If you become the Oniwaban someday...
[20:32] (Flashback) Sho
    If I become the shogun someday,
[20:37] (Flashback) Sho
    I hope we can fight together
[20:40] (Flashback) Sho
    for this country.
[20:44] Zen
    Apparently loyalty and fidelity
    will forever be beyond me.
[20:49] Zen
    That day has finally come, and I've
    finally become one of your Oniwaban,
[20:55] Zen
    so why does this have to be
    my first and last mission?
[21:01] (Flashback) KM
    I, Kagemaru, wouldn't be here if
    he hadn't saved my life back then.
[21:07] (Flashback) KM
    Use it for his sake.
[21:10] KM
    Why did it have to involve
    sacrificing a comrade
[21:14] KM
    and putting you—the shogun to death?
[21:18] KM
    But I guess it's not that bad.
[21:21] KM
    I have to admit it's very like me.
[21:25] KM
    Only fools die for their lords or kings,
[21:35] KM
    but, Shigeshige,
[21:41] KM
    anyone who lays down his life for just
    a buddy must be an even bigger fool.
[22:04] Sac
    Don't lay a finger on him.
[22:09] Sac
    Don't you dare lay a finger on our boss!
SIGN    Shogun Assassination Arc
    Part Four
[23:45] All
    Dying with you guys is the last thing I want!
SIGN    And Then There Were Five
SIGN    Zenzo put his life on the line for this plan,
SIGN    and Sacchan and the rest of the Oniwaban join in!
SIGN    The Yato's onslaught, and the impending showdown...
SIGN    As the new year quickly approaches, the story speeds up!!

E303 - Shogun Assassination Arc Part Four: And Then There Were Five

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:32] Sac
    Don't lay a finger on him.
[00:37] Sac
    Don't you dare lay a finger on our boss!
[00:43] Z
    Sa—
[00:45] Z
    Sarutobi!
[00:48] Ma
    I-It's a smokescreen!
[00:57] Ma
    Th-That's the Oniwaban!
[01:01] Kao
    Let's go!
[01:03] Kao
    Protect our boss, Zenzo!
SIGN    Shogun Assassination Arc
    Part Four
SIGN    And Then There Were Five
SIGN    Watch the Shogun Assassination Arc in a bright room
    and at a safe distance from your TV!
[02:50] Sho
    Zenzo...
[02:51] Gin
    Keep your eyes forward and run!
[02:53] Gin
    If you wanna survive,
    keep your eyes forward and run!
[02:57] Sho
    Are you telling me that's
    my battle as shogun?
[03:02] Sho
    That even if I must use countless corpses
    of my friends as stepping stones,
[03:05] Sho
    I have to live on for the sake
    of our society and its people?
[03:10] Sho
    Why did I ever become shogun, then?
[03:15] Sho
    In my eyes, Zenzo
[03:18] Sho
    and you all are also precious
    subjects I'm meant to protect!
[03:24] Kag
    Sho-chan...
[03:26] Gin
    Shogun, that guy...
[03:30] Gin
    Your buddy ain't gonna die.
[03:35] Gin
    Because he's got my buddy with him.
[03:41] Gin
    And Shogun, you ain't gonna die here.
[03:46] Gin
    Because...
[03:56] Gin
    Because you've got us buddies with you.
[04:05] Z
    Looks like I...
[04:07] Z
    We failed to fulfill our duty.
[04:12] Z
    The enemy was larger than we thought.
[04:16] Sa
    You idiot!
[04:17] Sa
    Who was it that told me not
    to act out of character?
[04:21] Z
    Yeah, this is definitely out of character.
[04:24] Z
    How did I end up with you taking
    care of me at the very end?
[04:32] Z
    I can't walk anymore.
[04:36] Z
    Go, Sarutobi.
[04:39] Z
    A cat doesn't let others see its last breath.
[04:45] Sa
    What are you talking about?
[04:47] Sa
    Get up and run.
[04:52] Sa
    Run, damn it!
[04:54] Sa
    You've still got a duty to fulfill!
[04:57] Sa
    Where do you think you're
    going, leaving us behind,
[05:01] Sa
    Boss?
[05:03] Sa
    You... You all kept the shogun alive
    by putting your lives on the line.
[05:10] Sa
    You defended our village.
[05:12] Sa
    But you still haven't fulfilled
    the one duty you must fulfill.
[05:20] Sa
    You have to go back alive...
[05:22] Sa
    With the shogun,
[05:24] Sa
    and with us...
[05:27] Sa
    We're all going back to Edo together!
[05:31] Sa
    Forget being Oniwaban.
[05:34] Sa
    Forget being the shogun.
[05:37] Sa
    That is the duty we all have as friends.
[05:59] Gin
    Shinpa—
[06:05] Gin
    Yeah, these guys aren't gonna go down easily!
[06:11] Shin
    Sh-Shogun-sama!
[06:17] Hij
    Hey, you'd better be careful.
[06:21] Hij
    Apparently this village has some...
[06:24] Kon
    ...scary traps to keep intruders at bay.
[06:27] Shin
    Kondo-san! Hijikata-san!
[06:30] Hij
    They're still alive?!
[06:39] Shin
    Gin-san! Kagura-chan!
[06:41] Gin
    Sheesh.
[06:42] Gin
    The loyal retainers join the fray at last, eh?
[06:44] Gin
    What a grand entrance you made,
    jumping out of a pitfall.
[06:47] Kon
    I wouldn't say that.
[06:49] Kon
    We thought we saw light through the cracks,
[06:53] Kon
    but it looks like it's still far away.
[06:55] Gin
    Now, what do we do about this?
[06:59] Kon
    There's only one thing we can do.
[07:01] Kon
    No matter who we're facing,
    it's kill or be killed.
[07:03] Kon
    That's all.
[07:05] Shin
    It does seem like we're the last
    retainers who can protect the shogun.
[07:11] Hij
    If this is a joke, it ain't funny.
[07:13] Hij
    Of all people, these are the last men standing?
[07:17] Hij
    I'd like a do-over, starting from the interview.
[07:20] Kag
    Right back at you.
[07:22] Kag
    Dying to protect the shogun
    would be one thing, but...
[07:25] All
    Dying with you guys is the last thing I want!
[07:32] Gin
    We're up against Yato.
[07:34] Gin
    If we put up an honest fight
    against a force like that,
[07:36] Gin
    we won't stand a chance.
[07:38] Hij
    How unusual of you to whine
    before the battle even begins.
[07:41] Gin
    Did you not hear me?
[07:42] Gin
    I said if it were an honest fight.
[07:45] Gin
    As if any one of us is that honest.
[07:58] Hij
    True that.
[08:00] Hij
    Fighting Yato with these numbers shows that
[08:06] Hij
    we're out of our minds.
[08:08] Gin
    Run for it!
[08:17] Shin
    Shogun-sama, hurry!
[08:30] Kon
    Get back up!
[08:38] Kon
    Hurry up and run!
[08:47] Kag
    Gori!
[08:49] Kon
    Toughness isn't exclusive
    to you guys, you know!
[09:10] Kag
    Get back up and run.
[09:22] Shin
    Hijikata-san!
[09:39] Shin
    Gin-san!
[10:05] Kao
    That's enough! Disperse!
[10:07] Mat
    Get back here, damn you!
[10:08] Mat
    After them!
[10:09] Mat
    Don't let any of them escape!
[10:12] Hen
    You mustn't chase them too far, Matako-san.
[10:15] Hen
    The Oniwaban's objective
    is to split our forces up.
SIGN    Oniwaban
SIGN    Iga
SIGN    Seventh Division
SIGN    Kiheitai
[10:20] Hen
    The Seventh Division is fighting
    the enemy's main force.
[10:23] Hen
    We should regroup with them
    and set up a pincer attack.
[10:26] Tak
    I had Bansai head over there already.
[10:32] Tak
    Let them do as they please.
[10:34] Tak
    Either way, Iga and the current
    government are done for.
[10:37] Hen
    T-Takasugi-san...
[10:39] Tak
    Let them at least go out in a blaze of glory.
[10:43] Hen
    Where are you going?
[10:45] Tak
    There's a guy I must end before
    putting an end to everything.
[10:51] Tak
    Even if we take the shogun's head
    and topple the government,
[10:54] Tak
    we won't be able to behead this world.
[10:58] Tak
    Unless we break that sword,
[11:02] Tak
    the world won't end.
[11:43] Kon
    Jeez.
[11:44] Gin
    What's the point of guarding the
    shogun if he has to guard us instead?
[11:49] Gin
    It should be clear to you now.
[11:51] Gin
    We won't survive unless we give it all we
    have, including what's in our underwear.
[11:57] Sho
    Fret not.
[11:58] Sho
    We shall protect one another's backs.
[12:02] Sho
    Is that not what "buddies" are?
[12:06] Hij
    Who the hell taught the
    shogun such crude slang?
[12:11] Kag
    Should we have taught him
    "friendicks" instead?
[12:13] Sho
    Oh, so you can say it like that, too?
[12:16] Hij
    Don't teach him any more nonsense!
[12:18] Gin
    Hey, now.
[12:19] Gin
    If he's acting like that,
    he might be another double.
[12:22] Kon
    Nah, it's the shogun.
[12:25] Kon
    There's no mistaking it.
[12:27] Kon
    He's our shogun.
[12:31] Abu
    Good grief.
[12:34] Abu
    This is the first planet that's ever given
    us such trouble in hand-to-hand combat.
[12:41] Abu
    Believe it or not,
[12:42] Abu
    we're a rare species that's
    in danger of extinction.
[12:45] Abu
    I wish you'd be gentler with us.
[12:49] Kag
    You're...
[12:50] Abu
    Long time no see, miss.
[12:52] Abu
    I had a lot of trouble after our little skirmish.
[12:55] Abu
    The commander raked me over the coals,
[12:58] Abu
    and told me not to hold back
    the next time I ran into you.
[13:02] Abu
    But now, just look how many of
    my brethren you've taken out.
[13:07] Abu
    Be it the commander's little sister,
[13:09] Abu
    be it the commander's prey,
[13:11] Abu
    I don't intend to let you
    guys leave here alive.
[13:14] Shin
    Screw you!
[13:15] Shin
    You're the ones trampling
    all over our country!
[13:19] Abu
    Really?
[13:20] Abu
    I thought it looked like it was rotting
    even before we set foot here.
[13:24] Abu
    Even if we didn't do anything,
    it would've crumbled all on its own.
[13:29] Abu
    And anyway, you samurai are
    the ones about to finish it off.
[13:34] Abu
    We're only here to repay that guy.
[13:38] Gin
    Where is he?
[13:39] Gin
    Where is that bastard, Takasugi?
[13:44] Abu
    Well, I can tell you he's not
    where you're about to go.
[13:48] Abu
    I've sent some along already to lead you there.
[13:51] Abu
    Ninjas and samurai...
[13:53] Abu
    Fall to ruin, along with this country.
[14:00] Gin
    She's not much of a guide, I'm afraid.
[14:03] Gin
    All she's capable of is...
[14:06] Rap
    Will you have some cocoa?
[14:08] Rap
    Or do you want some pitch-black tea?
[14:13] Y
    Vice Commander!
[14:21] Rap
    Stand up, samurai.
[14:24] Rap
    Neither the ninjas nor
    this country are dead yet.
[14:30] Shin
    Momochi-san!
[14:30] Gin
    Run for it!
[14:34] Shin
    You're alive?
[14:35] Shin
    And that thing can be a shuriken, too?
[14:36] Rap
    I told you, the ninjas aren't dead yet.
[14:39] Y
    After them!
[14:40] Y
    Don't let them get away!
[14:41] Rap
    The ninjas they wiped out
[14:44] Rap
    were merely my puppets.
[14:47] Rap
    The vassals of Fujibayashi
    who died back then.
[14:52] Rap
    We have barely begun to
    unleash true ninja warfare.
[14:57] Abu
    I see.
[14:59] Abu
    So these are real ninja arts.
[15:02] Abu
    If you'd also blown away the bill for
    this brand new prosthetic arm,
[15:05] Abu
    I would've given you a round of applause.
[15:08] Abu
    But I'm back to being unable to clap.
[15:11] Abu
    What do all of you have against my left arm?!
[15:18] Rap
    Listen well.
[15:20] Rap
    Near the Marici statue on the cliff to the west
[15:23] Rap
    is a secret path only ninja villagers know.
[15:29] Rap
    You guys take the shogun and get out of Iga.
[15:44] Shin
    Momochi-san!
[15:46] Rap
    We'll hold them at bay here.
[15:50] Rap
    We must prevent them from sinking the
    country, even if Iga has to fall to do it.
[15:56] Rap
    Shogun-sama...
[15:57] Rap
    Please forgive my inability
    to serve you to the very end.
[16:02] Sho
    Momochi!
[16:03] Kon
    It'd be dicey with just the ninjas.
[16:07] Kon
    I thought this was supposed to be a joint
    operation between ninjas and samurai.
[16:11] Hij
    Then we'll be taking our share of the glory.
[16:15] Shin
    Kondo-san! Hijikata-san!
[16:17] Hij
    There you have it. Get going already.
[16:19] Kon
    You can handle the rest even
    without police security, right?
[16:23] Kag
    Wait up, you guys—
[16:24] Kon
    Odd Jobs!
[16:25] Kon
    Through one thing or another, we've
    known you guys for a long time now.
[16:31] Kon
    But we've never once gone
    to you with a job request.
[16:36] Kon
    I never thought this day would come.
[16:42] Kon
    But you're the only guys left to ask...
[16:46] Kon
    You're the only ones we can trust to do this.
[16:50] Kon
    You're the only ones who can.
[16:57] Kon
    This is the Shinsengumi's...
[16:59] Kon
    Our first and last request.
[17:03] Kon
    Odd Jobs,
[17:05] Kon
    take care of the shogun.
[17:16] Gin
    We accept.
[17:22] Shin
    Gin-san...
[17:23] Gin
    Don't look back.
[17:25] Kon
    Toshi...
[17:27] Hij
    Don't worry, I won't look back.
[17:30] Hij
    If I do...
[17:32] Bo
    They'll ask about payment!
[17:36] Gin
    Don't worry, we'll get paid no matter what.
[17:40] Gin
    Both by them and the shogun.
[17:43] Gin
    Once we all get back alive.
[17:46] Gin
    So for now,
[17:48] Gin
    don't look back.
[17:50] Gin
    Keep your eyes forward.
[17:53] Gin
    We may be looking in different directions,
[17:56] Gin
    but we all have the same home.
[18:02] Sac
    I see it!
[18:05] Sac
    Zenzo, it should be possible to
    escape the village from there.
[18:09] Sac
    You go ahead.
[18:11] Sac
    I promise I'll bring the shogun along.
[18:17] Sac
    Zenzo?
[18:22] Sac
    Hang in there, Zenzo!
[18:24] Sac
    Just a bit longer...
[18:25] Sac
    We're almost there!
[18:33] Sac
    I won't let anyone die anymore!
[18:47] Sac
    We're all going back alive.
[18:52] Sac
    We're almost there.
[18:54] Sac
    If we make it past here,
[18:55] Sac
    we can go back to those days
[18:57] Sac
    where all of us spent our time
    doing the stupidest things.
[19:02] Sac
    We can go back to those
    times, right, Gin-san?
[19:14] Tak
    No, you can't.
[19:17] Tak
    You're not going anywhere.
[19:24] Tak
    You no longer have a home
[19:27] Tak
    or a place to run to in this country.
[19:38] Hen
    So they really did have a secret path.
[19:42] Hen
    Good thing you made it in time, Kamui-dono.
[19:45] Kam
    I left pretty late because of Abuto.
[19:49] Kam
    But I got to see something
    amusing thanks to that.
[19:54] Kam
    On your planet, wouldn't you call this
[19:55] Kam
    "nothing's more dangerous
    than a cornered animal"?
[19:58] Tak
    Nah.
[19:59] Tak
    It's what we call "resistance is futile."
[20:03] Hen
    The trajectory was altered
    to miss her vitals.
[20:05] Hen
    Who was it?
[20:07] Z
    Don't move!
[20:08] Z
    If anyone moves a finger,
    I'll stick these in all of your butts.
[20:12] Z
    Hemorrhoids are lifelong, you know.
[20:14] Z
    You ought to take care of your ass.
[20:17] Sa
    Zenzo...
[20:19] Z
    Stand up, Sarutobi!
[20:21] Z
    We're going back alive.
[20:23] Z
    You're the one who said that,
[20:25] Z
    and yet you're trying to die before me?
[20:28] Sa
    Sorry... I...
[20:31] Z
    Don't apologize.
[20:34] Z
    I was the one who always ran off on my own,
[20:36] Z
    and you scolded me each time.
[20:39] Z
    So don't you dare go off before me.
[20:43] Z
    I love my fuglies, Sarutobi,
[20:47] Z
    but I've had enough of your fugly crying face.
[20:52] Z
    I won't let you cry in front of me ever again!
[20:56] Z
    Rather than a half-dead
    man skewering all of us,
[21:01] Z
    it'd be much quicker for us
    to cut up two worn-out rags.
[21:06] Z
    Didn't you hear me tell you not to move?!
[21:12] Kam
    I see, Shinsuke.
[21:14] Kam
    This certainly is futile resistance.
[21:16] Kam
    All that talk about sticking
    knives in our asses
[21:18] Kam
    was to prevent us from looking upwards.
[21:21] Kam
    And this rain of knives...
[21:25] Tak
    It's just a fake-out, too.
[21:28] Tak
    I'm sick of your petty tricks.
[21:32] Z
    Oh, it's no fake-out.
[21:35] Z
    I have the perfect ninja technique
    for your massive asses.
[21:38] Z
    It's my trump card,
[21:41] Z
    and I've already used it!
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Preview
[23:24] Kam
    You make your brother very happy.
[23:28] Syo
    In a fight, both parties are to blame,
[23:30] Syo
    my little samurai.
[23:33] Tak
    Gintoki, if I die...
[23:37] Gin
    Kagura!
[23:38] Gin
    Shinpachi!
[23:41] Gin
    Let's do this!
SIGN    Shogun Assassination Arc
    Part Five
[23:46] Gin
    We are Odd Jobs!
SIGN    Those Who Protect Against All Odds
SIGN    It'll blow by. Just enjoy your merry Xmas, happy New Year and its food,
SIGN    reading New Year's cards, getting one from someone you didn't send one to,
SIGN    hurriedly writing one back, and all that, and we'll be back before you know it.
SIGN    Well, then, we wish you a happy New Year!

E304 - Shogun Assassination Arc Part Five: Those Who Protect Against All Odds

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:02] Z
    I have the perfect ninja technique
    for your massive asses.
[00:06] Z
    It's my trump card,
[00:08] Z
    and I've already used it!
[00:33] Tak
    Took you long enough.
[00:36] Tak
    I got sick of waiting for you,
[00:39] Tak
    Gintoki.
[00:42] Tak
    Be it destroying this country or protecting it,
[00:46] Tak
    we're the only ones who can do it, right?
SIGN    Shogun Assassination Arc
    Part Five
SIGN    Those Who Protect Against All Odds
SIGN    Watch the Shogun Assassination Arc in a bright room
    and at a safe distance from your TV!
[02:27] Hen
    It's the White Yaksha.
[02:28] Hen
    Get hi—
[02:43] Z
    Don't move, you bastards.
[02:45] Z
    Stay right there and fortify
    your defenses or something!
[02:48] Sho
    That's not right.
[02:50] Sho
    That's not how you throw these knives.
[02:54] Sho
    Grip it correctly, Zenzo.
[02:58] Sho
    I haven't forgotten.
[03:00] (Flashback) Sho
    If you become the Oniwaban someday...
[03:04] (Flashback) Sho
    If I become the shogun someday,
[03:09] (Flashback) Sho
    I hope we can fight together
[03:11] (Flashback) Sho
    for this country.
[03:14] Sho
    We finally meet,
[03:19] Sho
    my Oniwaban.
[03:23] Kam
    Sheesh.
[03:25] Kam
    The final trump card to defend this country
[03:28] Kam
    turned out to be quite the letdown.
[03:33] Tak
    You're still playing your silly game
    of house with these kids, Gintoki?
[03:39] Tak
    Looks like there's a
    large gap between us now.
[03:43] Tak
    We once fought together and lost everything.
[03:47] Tak
    Now, one of us has sworn
    revenge on this country,
[03:51] Tak
    gained enough power to
    topple an entire nation,
[03:53] Tak
    and almost forced a checkmate.
[03:56] Tak
    But the other one has tried to fit in,
[03:59] Tak
    and with just two kids by his side,
[04:02] Tak
    is still struggling to protect the country.
[04:07] Tak
    Gintoki,
[04:09] Tak
    you can no longer defend anything from me.
[04:14] Gin
    Is that what you've found since then?
[04:19] Gin
    Takasugi, I don't care how
    much power you've gained,
[04:25] Gin
    or how large an army you've got in tow.
[04:29] Gin
    It doesn't scare me one bit.
[04:31] Gin
    While you were casting
    aside a hundred people,
[04:34] Gin
    I formed bonds with a thousand.
[04:37] Gin
    When you were destroying a thousand people,
[04:41] Gin
    I had ten thousand helping me out.
[04:44] Gin
    So what if you've got thousands of troops?
[04:47] Gin
    The three of us have protected
    thousands more against all odds!
[04:53] Gin
    We are Odd Jobs!
[04:57] Tak
    Gintoki,
[04:59] Tak
    your game of house ends here.
[05:02] Tak
    This country has nothing
    worthwhile for you to protect.
[05:07] Tak
    There's nothing left for us to protect.
[05:12] Tak
    All you're carrying on your shoulders
    are toys for playing house.
[05:16] Tak
    And soon, they'll be destroyed
    along with this country.
[05:20] Tak
    Gintoki, you will lose everything again.
[05:27] Gin
    I haven't lost anything.
[05:31] Gin
    It's just...
[05:36] Gin
    There's one less back for me to protect now!
[05:47] Gin
    Kagura!
[05:50] Gin
    Shinpachi!
[05:52] Gin
    Let's do this!
[06:00] Kam
    Well, well.
[06:01] Kam
    You see your sibling after so long,
    and you greet him with a fist?
[06:06] Kam
    You're acting a little more like a Yato now.
[06:09] Kam
    You make your brother very happy.
[06:11] Kam
    Just one problem...
[06:14] Kam
    You're acting too arrogant towards me!
[06:17] Kam
    Sorry, but I'm a working man now.
[06:20] Kam
    I'm busy.
[06:21] Kam
    I can't let Shinsuke hog all the spotl—
[06:24] Kag
    Where do you think you're going?
[06:25] Kag
    Your opponent isn't the country.
[06:28] Kag
    It's me!
[06:30] Kag
    A moronic brother like you is more suited
    to a sibling spat than a war of conquest!
[06:37] Kam
    Give it a rest.
[06:43] Kam
    Let me go.
[06:45] Kam
    I told you, didn't I?
[06:48] (Flashback) Kag
    Where are you going?
[06:50] (Flashback) Kag
    Where are you going, leaving Mommy behind?
[06:59] (Flashback) Kam
    Get lost.
[07:00] Kam
    I want nothing to do with weaklings.
[07:11] Kag
    I was waiting for you to use your right hand.
[07:21] Kag
    You've been favoring it all this time.
[07:23] Kag
    Do you think I can't see
    through your mannerisms?
[07:27] Kag
    Every time you got hurt, you'd always hide it.
[07:31] Kag
    You didn't want to worry Mommy.
[07:35] Kag
    But Mommy is gone now,
[07:38] Kag
    so what are you so afraid of?
[07:54] Kag
    I'm no longer the crybaby
    little sister you knew.
[07:59] Kag
    I'm no longer the weak little sister who
    could do nothing but watch you leave.
[08:06] Kag
    This country, this planet, and
    everyone here showed me...
[08:15] Kag
    How strong people can be.
[08:17] Kag
    How weak people can be.
[08:18] Kag
    How fragile their lives can be,
[08:20] Kag
    and how precious they are!
[08:23] Kag
    This planet of samurai
    taught me all of that!
[08:30] Kag
    I'm the Kagura who was born on this planet.
[08:35] Kag
    I won't let anyone do as they
    please with my birthplace.
[08:39] Kag
    Kamui!
[08:41] Kag
    I will no longer lose to you or myself!
[08:47] Kag
    This time, for sure,
[08:50] Kag
    I will stop you!
[09:08] (Flashback) Tak
    This could be the end, so I'll ask you
    something that's been on my mind, Gintoki.
[09:14] (Flashback) Tak
    Why did you fight in this war?
[09:18] (Flashback) Tak
    To defend the country from these guys?
[09:21] (Flashback) Tak
    Or to leave your name in the
    history books as a warrior?
[09:25] (Flashback) Gin
    Dunno.
[09:26] (Flashback) Gin
    But one thing's for sure: only
    men of honor die for such causes.
[09:32] (Flashback) Gin
    Not me
[09:34] (Flashback) Gin
    or you.
[09:36] (Flashback) Gin
    Yeah, we're not respectable
    men like Zura and Tatsuma.
[09:41] (Flashback) Gin
    We're good-for-nothing warriors
    who don't get bushido.
[09:45] (Flashback) Gin
    But there are some things only
    good-for-nothings can understand.
[09:50] (Flashback) Gin
    Gintoki, if I die...
[09:55] (Flashback) Gin
    Take care of Sensei.
[09:58] (Flashback) Gin
    This is a favor I can only ask
    of a fellow good-for-nothing.
[10:02] (Flashback) Gin
    Then I've got a favor to ask
    of a good-for-nothing, too.
[10:07] (Flashback) Gin
    Don't die.
[11:02] (Flashback) Kat
    I knew I'd find you here.
[11:06] (Flashback) Kat
    I hear you went on another rampage at school.
[11:09] (Flashback) Kat
    Even the famed Military Arts Academy, where
    the future leaders of the country assemble,
[11:14] (Flashback) Kat
    is not enough for you, is it,
[11:17] (Flashback) Kat
    Takasugi?
[11:20] (Flashback) Tak
    Don't make me laugh, Katsura.
[11:22] (Flashback) Tak
    They're all rich brats who only know how
    to use their parents' money or connections.
[11:28] (Flashback) Tak
    I was told to take training
    seriously, so I did. That's all.
[11:33] (Flashback) Tak
    Those morons don't even know how to fight.
[11:36] (Flashback) Tak
    I can't wait to see what kind of
    future they'll lead this country to.
[11:41] (Flashback) Kat
    Takasugi...
[11:43] (Flashback) Kat
    Do you realize that you're
    still among the fortunate?
[11:46] (Flashback) Kat
    There are some people who can't
    even read because they're too poor.
[11:50] (Flashback) Kat
    And some who can't become
    samurai, even if they want to.
[11:55] (Flashback) Tak
    No wonder they let you join the school as
    a special case due to your prodigious mind.
[11:58] (Flashback) Tak
    You've got a broad perspective.
[12:02] (Flashback) Tak
    I'm sure you can become an
    admirable samurai there.
[12:06] (Flashback) Tak
    An admirable samurai who'll serve his
    family and country, and die for them.
[12:13] (Flashback) Tak
    Unfortunately, I don't have
    such worthless ambitions.
[12:17] (Flashback) Kat
    Then...
[12:18] (Flashback) Kat
    Just what kind of samurai do you want to be?
[12:23] (Flashback) Kat
    Just where are you headed?
[12:28] (Flashback) Tak
    Beats me.
[12:30] (Flashback) Tak
    My life would be much easier if I knew.
[12:34] (Flashback) G
    Takasugi, I hear you took good
    care of my little brother.
[12:38] (Flashback) G
    For the son of a plebe samurai,
    you've sure got some nerve.
[12:41] (Flashback) G
    Know your place!
[12:44] (Flashback) Tak
    I hope this will serve as decent training.
[12:47] (Flashback) Kat
    Wait.
[12:48] (Flashback) Kat
    Trying to get revenge for
    training with a fight, are we?
[12:52] (Flashback) Kat
    And you call yourself aspiring samurai?
[12:54] (Flashback) Kat
    What's more, you're fighting with numbers...
[12:56] (Flashback) G
    Katsura, huh?
[12:58] (Flashback) G
    Perfect.
[13:00] (Flashback) G
    I don't care if you're a scholarship student.
[13:01] (Flashback) G
    But I was getting sick of sharing a
    classroom with a kid who reeks of poverty.
[13:08] (Flashback) Tak
    Hear that, Katsura?
[13:10] (Flashback) Tak
    There are no samurai here.
[13:13] (Flashback) G
    Beat them both up!
[13:23] (Flashback) Gin
    Blah, blah, blah, blah. How annoying.
[13:26] (Flashback) Gin
    Are you bastards in heat?
[13:30] (Flashback) Gin
    If you wanna train,
    do it at your temple school.
[13:33] (Flashback) Gin
    Haven't you spoiled brats
    learned how to play hooky?
[13:36] (Flashback) G
    Who are you?
[13:39] (Flashback) Gin
    Take a nap.
[13:41] (Flashback) Gin
    Samurai shouldn't half-ass things.
[13:43] (Flashback) Gin
    I'll join you guys.
[13:45] (Flashback) Gin
    Let's all go to sleep together.
[13:47] (Flashback) G
    Like hell we will!
[13:48] (Flashback) G
    You'll pay for that!
[13:54] (Flashback) Yos
    Well said, Gintoki.
[13:57] (Flashback) Yos
    That's right.
[13:58] (Flashback) Yos
    Halfheartedness is unbecoming of samurai.
[14:01] (Flashback) Yos
    And ganging up to bully a
    few is out of the question.
[14:05] (Flashback) Yos
    That said, Gintoki...
[14:07] (Flashback) Yos
    You half-growns are a hundred years
    too early to know how to play hooky.
[14:15] (Flashback) Yos
    In a fight, both parties are to blame.
[14:18] (Flashback) Yos
    You two should head back to
    your school at once, too,
[14:22] (Flashback) Yos
    my little samurai.
[14:24] (Flashback) Tak
    Wh-Who's that?
[14:27] (Flashback) Kat
    I see.
[14:28] (Flashback) Kat
    I've heard rumors about him.
[14:30] (Flashback) Kat
    A samurai with a white-haired kid in tow
    opened a private school recently,
[14:34] (Flashback) Kat
    and is teaching poor kids for free.
[14:39] (Flashback) Kat
    So that's the founder of
    the Shoka Sonjuku school,
[14:43] (Flashback) Kat
    Yoshida Shoyo.
SIGN    Shoka Sonjuku
[15:35] (Flashback) Yos
    Goodness me.
[15:37] (Flashback) Yos
    I've never heard of a dojo challenger
    attacking a temple school.
[15:42] (Flashback) Yos
    Thank goodness this is
    the extent of your injuries.
[15:46] (Flashback) Tak
    I actually wanted to fight you.
[15:49] (Flashback) Tak
    I never thought I'd lose to him...
[15:50] (Flashback) Yos
    You are plenty strong.
[15:54] (Flashback) Yos
    After all, you pushed Gintoki that far,
[15:57] (Flashback) Yos
    my little dojo challenger.
[15:58] (Flashback) Tak
    But I lost.
[16:00] (Flashback) Yos
    You did.
[16:01] (Flashback) Yos
    And that's why you'll grow stronger.
[16:05] (Flashback) Yos
    Victors only gain
    self-satisfaction and conceit,
[16:09] (Flashback) Yos
    but you have gained something
    far more meaningful.
[16:13] (Flashback) Yos
    There's nothing to be ashamed of.
[16:17] (Flashback) Yos
    Besides, that boy is a unique case.
[16:21] (Flashback) Yos
    In order to live and survive,
[16:25] (Flashback) Yos
    he was forced to grow strong.
[16:29] (Flashback) Tak
    Did you take him in, too?
[16:31] (Flashback) Yos
    Who knows?
[16:32] (Flashback) Yos
    Did I take him in?
[16:33] (Flashback) Yos
    Or did he take me in?
[16:36] (Flashback) Yos
    I can't tell anymore.
[16:38] (Flashback) G
    One...
[16:40] (Flashback) G
    Two...
[16:41] (Flashback) Tak
    What's the point in gathering kids
    of unknown births and backgrounds,
[16:44] (Flashback) Tak
    and teaching them academics or the sword?
[16:48] (Flashback) Tak
    Do you really think they can become samurai?
[16:51] (Flashback) Yos
    Will they, I wonder?
[16:53] (Flashback) Yos
    I can't wait to find out myself.
[16:55] (Flashback) Tak
    I'm the one asking the questions here.
[16:57] (Flashback) Yos
    I'd like to ask you something, too.
[17:00] (Flashback) Yos
    What is a samurai?
[17:02] (Flashback) Yos
    Would you tell me?
[17:03] (Flashback) Tak
    Aren't you a samurai?!
[17:05] (Flashback) Yos
    Well...
[17:07] (Flashback) Yos
    At the very least, I'm not
    the kind of samurai you know.
[17:12] (Flashback) Yos
    Do you think there are qualifications
    to become a samurai?
[17:16] (Flashback) Yos
    Do you believe that without a family
    to protect, or a lord to serve,
[17:20] (Flashback) Yos
    one cannot become a samurai?
[17:25] (Flashback) Yos
    I don't think so.
[17:27] (Flashback) Yos
    Bushido is the will to
    discipline one's weak self
[17:31] (Flashback) Yos
    in order to reach one's stronger self.
[17:35] (Flashback) Yos
    It refers to the act of devoting
    oneself to one's ideals.
[17:41] (Flashback) Yos
    So both they, who study diligently and
    try to become better human beings,
[17:47] (Flashback) Yos
    and you, who came here as a dojo
    challenger to grow stronger,
[17:53] (Flashback) Yos
    are already samurai in my eyes.
[17:57] (Flashback) Yos
    Even if your births and
    backgrounds are unknown,
[18:00] (Flashback) Yos
    and you don't have a master
    to serve or a sword to fight,
[18:05] (Flashback) Yos
    you can each flaunt your own brand of bushido
[18:08] (Flashback) Yos
    and become your own samurai.
[18:13] (Flashback) Yos
    Guiding as many of those samurai as possible
[18:19] (Flashback) Yos
    might just be my brand of bushido.
[18:26] (Flashback) Yos
    You ended up here after losing
    your way, too, didn't you?
[18:31] (Flashback) Yos
    I am the same.
[18:32] (Flashback) Yos
    I'm still lost.
[18:34] (Flashback) Yos
    But that's all right.
[18:36] (Flashback) Yos
    Doubt yourself, lose your way,
[18:38] (Flashback) Yos
    and become the kind of
    samurai you want to be.
[18:46] (Flashback) Gin
    What's your problem?
[18:47] (Flashback) Gin
    Didn't you learn your lesson yesterday?
[18:49] (Flashback) Tak
    Fight me once more.
[18:54] (Flashback) Gin
    Give it a rest already.
[18:56] (Flashback) Gin
    How many times are you gonna
    show up as a dojo challenger?
[18:59] (Flashback) Tak
    As many times as it takes to win.
[19:03] (Flashback) G
    What's with Takasugi lately?
[19:06] (Flashback) G
    His look is finally starting
    to match his status.
[19:10] (Flashback) TakD
    Shinsuke!
[19:11] (Flashback) TakD
    What the hell are you doing, and where?
[19:14] (Flashback) TakD
    The next time you cause a
    problem, you'll be disowned.
[19:17] (Flashback) TakD
    Sit there and cool your head.
    Think about what it means to be a samurai!
[19:21] (Flashback) TakD
    Jinbei! Don't feed him!
[19:27] (Flashback) Kat
    Stupid grandma.
[19:29] (Flashback) Kat
    I told her I only eat rice balls with plum filling,
[19:32] (Flashback) Kat
    so why did she use tuna mayo?
[19:34] (Flashback) Kat
    Oh, well. I guess I'll leave it
    at the shrine as an offering.
[19:40] (Flashback) Tak
    Katsura...
[19:41] (Flashback) Tak
    Didn't your grandma die a long time ago?
[19:46] (Flashback) Kat
    Takasugi, did you find something?
[19:53] (Flashback) Tak
    Not a thing.
[19:55] (Flashback) Tak
    But I realized that I'm weak.
[19:59] (Flashback) Tak
    I realized that there are lots
    of stronger guys out there.
[20:05] (Flashback) Tak
    Then, at the very least,
[20:09] (Flashback) Tak
    I want to become a stronger
    samurai than them.
[20:15] (Flashback) G
    Point!
[20:17] (Flashback) G
    Whoa!
[20:19] (Flashback) G
    You actually beat Gintoki! Amazing!
[20:21] (Flashback) G
    You did it! Good job hanging in there!
[20:24] (Flashback) Tak
    D-Don't act all friendly with me!
[20:26] (Flashback) Tak
    We're not schoolmates!
[20:28] (Flashback) Yos
    Oh, you're not?
[20:31] (Flashback) Yos
    And here I thought you'd
    already joined our school.
[20:34] (Flashback) Yos
    I mean, you were so enthusiastic
    every day about training...
[20:37] (Flashback) Yos
    No, about challenging the dojo.
[20:43] (Flashback) Gin
    Hey!
[20:44] (Flashback) Gin
    What's with the cozy atmosphere?!
[20:46] (Flashback) Gin
    He's a dojo challenger!
[20:48] (Flashback) Gin
    He took out our dojo!
[20:49] (Flashback) Gin
    He popped my loser cherry!
[20:53] (Flashback) Kat
    We're not on opposing sides anymore.
[20:55] (Flashback) Kat
    Let's all make rice balls together.
[20:56] (Flashback) Gin
    Never mind which side
    you're on, who are you?!
[20:58] (Flashback) Gin
    Why do I have to eat rice balls
    made by a complete stranger?!
[21:01] (Flashback) Kat
    Who said you could eat?
[21:03] (Flashback) Kat
    Just make them.
[21:04] (Flashback) Gin
    What kind of ritual is that?!
[21:06] (Flashback) Yos
    Oh, I'm sorry.
[21:07] (Flashback) Yos
    I ate one already.
[21:08] (Flashback) Bo
    That was quick!
[21:34] Tak
    You're strong.
[21:37] Tak
    You really are strong,
[21:42] Tak
    Gintoki...
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Preview
[23:34] Yos
    Welcome to Shoka Sonjuku.
[23:37] Tak
    I have you...
[23:40] Tak
    And you have me!
[23:42] Gin
    I'm Sakata Gintoki,
    disciple of Yoshida Shoyo!
SIGN    Shogun Assassination Arc
    Part Six
SIGN    Sworn Enemy
SIGN    The feelings that bind teacher and student together...
SIGN    The promise made in bygone days...

E305 - Shogun Assassination Arc Part Six: Sworn Enemy

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:02] (Flashback) Gin
    Hey, you.
[00:05] (Flashback) Gin
    Takasugi, was it?
[00:07] (Flashback) Gin
    Don't get cocky just because you won.
[00:11] (Flashback) Gin
    In the time it took you to
    beat me once by sheer miracle,
[00:14] (Flashback) Gin
    how many times did I beat you?
[00:18] (Flashback) Gin
    If you truly wanna beat me...
[00:20] (Flashback) Gin
    If you wanna make up for all your losses,
[00:23] (Flashback) Gin
    come back tomorrow.
[00:26] (Flashback) Gin
    I'll be the one to win then, too, though.
[00:38] Tak
    Too bad, Gintoki.
[00:41] Tak
    The score is now 247-246.
[00:48] Tak
    I win.
SIGN    Shogun Assassination Arc
    Part Six
SIGN    Sworn Enemy
SIGN    Watch the Shogun Assassination Arc in a bright
    room and at a safe distance from your TV!!
[02:33] (Flashback) Kat
    Now here's a pleasant sight.
[02:35] (Flashback) Kat
    There's a moron flying in the sky.
[02:37] (Flashback) Tak
    Yeah, it's a pleasant sight.
[02:39] (Flashback) Tak
    I can look down on a moron.
[02:42] (Flashback) Kat
    What are you going to do from now on?
[02:44] (Flashback) Tak
    There's nothing I can do.
[02:47] (Flashback) Tak
    I was told I'd be disowned if I ever
    set foot in that place again.
[02:50] (Flashback) Kat
    I see. So your father caught
    wind of that rumor, too.
[02:55] (Flashback) Kat
    There's a rumor saying that the Shoka
    Sonjuku school gathers local kids
[03:01] (Flashback) Kat
    and feeds them shady anti-bakufu
    and seditious propaganda.
[03:05] (Flashback) Sho
    You can each flaunt your own brand of bushido
[03:08] (Flashback) Sho
    and become your own samurai.
[03:13] (Flashback) Tak
    Sounds about right.
[03:15] (Flashback) Tak
    If all samurai were like the ones he talks
    about, this country would fall to ruin.
[03:20] (Flashback) Kat
    Perhaps.
[03:22] (Flashback) Kat
    But they were a pleasant bunch.
[03:27] (Flashback) Kat
    I always thought samurai were prisoners,
    shackled by all kinds of things.
[03:33] (Flashback) Kat
    But if it is possible,
[03:35] (Flashback) Kat
    I'd love to be a free-spirited
    samurai like that.
[03:42] (Flashback) G
    The rumors were right.
[03:44] (Flashback) G
    We were wondering why we hadn't
    seen you at the academy lately.
[03:47] (Flashback) G
    Who'd have thought you'd get attached
    to this shady temple school?
[03:51] (Flashback) G
    I guess you'll finally be expelled from
    the Military Arts Academy, Takasugi.
[03:55] (Flashback) G
    But too bad, this school might
    get shut down as soon as tonight.
[03:59] (Flashback) G
    I told my father about some of the
    nasty rumors about this place.
[04:04] (Flashback) G
    The officials will make their move soon.
[04:06] (Flashback) G
    That man will either be run out
    of here or arrested, if he's lucky.
[04:10] (Flashback) G
    Serves that random vagabond right
    for pretending to be a teacher.
[04:14] (Flashback) G
    This is what happens when you step
    out of line and insult us samurai.
[04:20] (Flashback) G
    Takasugi, you'll never be a samurai now.
[04:30] (Flashback) Kat
    Takasugi.
[04:32] (Flashback) Kat
    Should you be staying out this late?
[04:35] (Flashback) Kat
    You could actually get disowned this time.
[04:38] (Flashback) Tak
    No need to worry.
[04:41] (Flashback) Tak
    I'm going to get disowned tomorrow anyway.
[04:47] (Flashback) Tak
    And you, Katsura?
[04:48] (Flashback) Tak
    You could lose your scholarship if you're
    caught hanging around here this late.
[04:53] (Flashback) Kat
    You needn't worry.
[04:55] (Flashback) Kat
    I was getting sick of that worthless,
    spoiled education anyway.
[05:00] (Flashback) Kat
    I told them to run before nightfall.
SIGN    Shoka
    Sonjuku
[05:04] (Flashback) Kat
    After all, debts ought to be repaid.
[05:08] (Flashback) Kat
    The prestigious Military Arts Academy's
    biggest prodigy and bad boy are teaming up.
[05:13] (Flashback) Kat
    We should be able to stall the officials.
[05:17] (Flashback) Gin
    Two students from a prestigious
    school? Don't make me laugh.
[05:21] (Flashback) Gin
    Don't you mean the den of evil that's
    training rebels to topple the government,
[05:26] (Flashback) Gin
    the Shoka Sonjuku school's three bad boys?
[05:33] (Flashback) Kat
    Why are you here?
[05:34] (Flashback) Kat
    I thought I told you to run.
[05:36] (Flashback) Gin
    That was for Shoyo.
[05:38] (Flashback) Gin
    Why would I have to run?
[05:41] (Flashback) Gin
    Besides, you guys learned how to
    play hooky and enjoy the nightlife.
[05:45] (Flashback) Gin
    You're part of our school already.
[05:48] (Flashback) Gin
    Of course I'd come to say goodbye.
[05:51] (Flashback) Gin
    But you've done enough.
[05:52] (Flashback) Gin
    I'll handle the rest, so get out of here.
[05:56] (Flashback) Gin
    Shoyo and I are nomads to begin with.
[05:58] (Flashback) Gin
    We can find a home anywhere.
[06:01] (Flashback) Gin
    But you guys are different.
[06:03] (Flashback) Gin
    If you get involved any further,
    you won't be able to go back.
[06:07] (Flashback) Gin
    Do you wanna be stripped
    of your samurai status?
[06:10] (Flashback) Tak
    If I had anywhere to go, I wouldn't
    be here in the first place.
[06:15] (Flashback) Kat
    I've been all alone since my grandma died.
[06:18] (Flashback) Kat
    More than anything,
[06:20] (Flashback) Kat
    I no longer have any ambitions I'd
    need some kind of status to fulfill.
[06:24] (Flashback) Tak
    Even if I had ambitions like that,
    I wouldn't want them just handed to me.
[06:28] (Flashback) Tak
    I'd find them with my own eyes...
[06:30] (Flashback) Kat
    ...and grab them with my own hands.
[06:35] (Flashback) Gin
    That so?
[06:36] (Flashback) Gin
    I won't say anything more, then.
[06:41] (Flashback) O
    Hey, you kids over there.
[06:44] (Flashback) O
    What are you doing at this late hour?
[06:47] (Flashback) Gin
    I'm Sakata Gintoki, disciple of Yoshida
    Shoyo and student of Shoka Sonjuku.
[06:52] (Flashback) Kat
    Katsura Kotaro, likewise.
[06:54] (Flashback) Tak
    Takasugi Shinsuke, likewise.
[06:58] (Flashback) All
    En garde!
[06:59] (Flashback) O
    What's with these brats?
[07:01] (Flashback) Sho
    Don't draw them.
[07:04] (Flashback) Sho
    Keep your swords sheathed, all of you.
[07:09] (Flashback) Sho
    Please don't make me draw mine.
[07:11] (Flashback) O
    Yoshida Shoyo!
[07:13] (Flashback) O
    You bastard!
[07:15] (Flashback) Sho
    You can say what you want about me.
[07:18] (Flashback) Sho
    If you find me an eyesore, I'll gladly leave.
[07:23] (Flashback) Sho
    But...
[07:27] (Flashback) Sho
    If you point those blades at my students,
[07:30] (Flashback) Sho
    I won't hesitate to truly
    topple the government.
[07:42] (Flashback) Gin
    Shoyo...
[07:43] (Flashback) Sho
    Goodness.
[07:45] (Flashback) Sho
    I thought I'd sent all students home.
[07:48] (Flashback) Sho
    There were a few bad boys left here, huh?
[07:53] (Flashback) Sho
    But I'm sorry, Dojo Challenger.
[07:56] (Flashback) Sho
    There is no dojo or school
    left for you to challenge.
[08:01] (Flashback) Tak
    Don't worry.
[08:03] (Flashback) Tak
    My target isn't some dojo.
[08:06] (Flashback) Tak
    It's you, Shoyo-sensei.
[08:09] (Flashback) Kat
    And if you ask us,
[08:11] (Flashback) Kat
    so long as you're there, even a
    meadow or a farm can be our school.
[08:16] (Flashback) Tak
    Besides, neither your
    brand of bushido nor ours
[08:20] (Flashback) Tak
    is frail enough to be broken
    by something like this, right?
[08:25] (Flashback) Sho
    Gintoki.
[08:26] (Flashback) Sho
    You seem to have brought along a couple
    of students more impertinent than you.
[08:32] (Flashback) Gin
    I know, right?
[08:35] (Flashback) Sho
    Very well.
[08:36] (Flashback) Sho
    Let me get right to teaching
    you a roadside lesson, then.
[08:40] (Flashback) Sho
    You half-growns are a hundred years
    too early to be out playing at night.
[08:46] (Flashback) Sho
    Welcome to Shoka Sonjuku.
[09:20] Tak
    Sensei...
[09:23] Tak
    Have you come to punch me again?
[09:28] Tak
    Are you here to stop me
    from half-assing things?
[09:36] Gin
    He's gone.
[09:39] Gin
    Sensei is no longer in this world.
[09:44] Gin
    We're the only ones who can stop us now.
[09:54] Gin
    If we don't like something,
[09:57] Gin
    and we can't accept it,
[10:01] Gin
    we'll have to stop it with our own fists!
[10:12] Gin
    Takasugi...
[10:15] Gin
    How long will you keep using
    that crushed left eye of yours
[10:19] Gin
    to look at the back of your eyelid?
[10:23] Gin
    Open the one eye you've got
    left and take a good look.
[10:28] Gin
    The guy you've got to swing your fist at
[10:32] Gin
    is right here!
[10:37] Tak
    I can see that with my eyes closed!
[10:42] Tak
    Gintoki!
[10:51] Tak
    I, and this closed eye of mine,
[10:56] Tak
    still see the desires from back then,
[11:08] Tak
    along with the bonds,
[11:15] Tak
    the aspirations,
[11:20] Tak
    and...
[11:28] Tak
    the hatred.
[11:40] Tak
    I haven't forgotten any of it.
[11:44] Tak
    I've never once lost sight of it.
[11:48] Tak
    The guy I have to swing my fist at
[11:51] Tak
    is still burned into the back of my eyelid.
[11:56] Tak
    Now, stand up,
[11:59] Tak
    Gintoki.
[12:02] Tak
    Our sworn enemy is right here.
[12:05] Tak
    Don't avert your eyes.
[12:07] Tak
    Clench your fist.
[12:10] Tak
    Avenge Sensei.
[12:15] Tak
    We can't point a blade at ourselves.
[12:21] Tak
    But we've got someone far more
    intimate to cut and curse.
[12:28] Tak
    I have you,
[12:31] Tak
    and you have me!
[12:43] (Flashback) Ten
    How pitiful
[12:46] (Flashback) Ten
    for youngsters with hearts so concerned for
    their country to meet such a terrible fate.
[12:52] (Flashback) Ten
    Is this what you wanted to do,
[12:56] (Flashback) Ten
    Shoyo?
[12:58] (Flashback) Ten
    Your students died in vain,
    just as you taught them to.
[13:04] (Flashback) Ten
    You're trying to say you never taught
    them anything of the sort, huh?
[13:10] (Flashback) Ten
    Shall we put it to the test, then?
[13:14] (Flashback) Ten
    Will your students choose
    to die in vain with you,
[13:20] (Flashback) Ten
    or will they
[13:22] (Flashback) Ten
    choose to live on, even if they have to
    kill their teacher with their own hands?
[13:30] (Flashback) Ten
    It's the perfect execution for an
    educator like you, don't you think?
[13:35] (Flashback) Ten
    Pick whichever you like,
    your teacher or your friends.
[14:09] (Flashback) Sho
    Gintoki, I leave the rest to you.
[14:14] (Flashback) Sho
    Protect your friends... Protect everyone.
[14:20] (Flashback) Tak
    Gintoki, if I die...
[14:24] (Flashback) Tak
    Take care of Sensei.
[14:27] (Flashback) Tak
    This is a favor I can only ask
    of a fellow good-for-nothing.
[14:31] (Flashback) Gin
    Then I've got a favor to ask
    of a good-for-nothing, too.
[14:35] (Flashback) Gin
    Don't die.
[14:56] Tak
    Gintoki!
[15:05] (Flashback) Tak
    N-No, Gintoki!
[15:10] (Flashback) Tak
    Please!
[15:25] (Flashback) Tak
    Please stop!
[15:47] (Flashback) Tak
    N-No, Gintoki!
[15:51] (Flashback) Tak
    Please!
[15:58] (Flashback) Sho
    Thank you.
[16:57] (Flashback) Tak
    Gintoki!
[17:09] (Flashback) Obo
    Don't waste your lives after
    your teacher saved them.
[17:16] (Flashback) Ten
    Are you really going to send them back alive?
[17:20] (Flashback) Ten
    Did you take pity on that man, Oboro?
[17:25] (Flashback) Obo
    These men have lost everything
    they wanted to protect.
[17:29] (Flashback) Obo
    For samurai, that is no different from dying.
[17:33] (Flashback) Obo
    What's more, they destroyed it with their
    own hands, due to their own weakness.
[17:41] (Flashback) Obo
    They're not even worth killing.
[17:43] (Flashback) Obo
    They'll probably never hold a sword again.
[17:55] Tak
    The last thing I saw with my left eye
[18:08] Tak
    was your face.
[18:12] Tak
    If the enemy burned into
    this eye had been the bakufu,
[18:17] Tak
    everything would be so much easier.
[18:26] Tak
    Our sworn enemy is ourselves.
[18:32] Tak
    Even though we fought to save him,
[18:38] Tak
    we were so weak, we had to use his
    life as a stepping stone to survive...
[18:44] Tak
    And we made you bear that cross.
[18:50] Tak
    Every time I remember your
    face etched into this eye,
[18:54] Tak
    the scar throbs and bays for blood.
[18:58] Tak
    "Why won't you avenge Sensei?"
[19:02] Tak
    "You can put an end to everything by
    piercing that chest with a sword!"
[19:10] Tak
    And that's exactly right.
[19:12] Tak
    We weren't meant to survive.
[19:16] Tak
    Why did you come to save us?
[19:20] Tak
    Why didn't you abandon us and save Sensei?
[19:25] Tak
    I'm sure you could've done it.
[19:28] Tak
    You promised me back then.
[19:32] Tak
    And you must've wanted to
    save him more than anyone.
[19:39] Tak
    So why...
[19:41] Tak
    Why?
[19:44] Tak
    Why did you choose us, Gintoki?!
[19:53] Gin
    If you'd been in my shoes back then,
    you would've done the same.
[19:59] Gin
    That's why you point your sword at me.
[20:04] Gin
    That's why you slash not
    yourself, but your alter ego.
[20:11] Gin
    That's why you seek a revenge that'd
    hurt you far more than cutting yourself.
[20:18] Gin
    Well, too bad for you.
[20:21] Gin
    I...
[20:22] Gin
    I, your alter ego, won't go down.
[20:28] Gin
    Until you fall, and until you stop,
    I'll stand up as many times as it takes.
[20:37] Gin
    Takasugi, I don't recall ever choosing you.
[20:43] Gin
    It's just that while I knew
    well what you held dear,
[20:46] Gin
    I knew what he held dear all too well.
[20:52] Gin
    Even if I have to walk
    over my teacher's corpse,
[20:57] Gin
    and even if I have to walk over your corpse,
[21:00] Gin
    I'll protect the soul of his student, our friend,
    and Shoka Sonjuku's Takasugi Shinsuke!
[21:11] Gin
    I'm Sakata Gintoki,
    disciple of Yoshida Shoyo!
[21:19] Tak
    I'm amazed you can still say that now...
[21:25] Tak
    I see. I had no idea.
[21:30] Tak
    I haven't been expelled yet, have I?
[21:50] Obo
    I thought I told you
[21:55] Obo
    not to waste your lives after
    your teacher saved them.
[22:03] Obo
    The Yatagarasu's prophecies
    offer no second chances,
[22:07] Obo
    Shoyo's disciples.
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Shogun Assassination Arc
    Part Seven
SIGN    The Crows Caw
    After The Battle Ends
[23:49] ---
    A sudden assassin's blade
    takes out Takasugi.
[23:49] ---
    Why is Oboro of the Tenshoin Naraku here?
[23:54] ---
    The Shogun Assassination
    Arc reaches its endgame.
[23:54] ---
    Things go awry on Kagura
    and Shinpachi's end, too!

E306 - Shogun Assassination Arc Part Seven: The Crows Caw After the Battle Ends

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] Gin
    We're the only ones who can stop us now.
[00:05] Tak
    The guy I have to swing my fist at
[00:09] Tak
    is still burned into the back of my eyelid.
[00:12] Gin
    I'll protect the soul of his student, our friend,
    and Shoka Sonjuku's Takasugi Shinsuke!
[00:22] Gin
    I'm Sakata Gintoki,
    disciple of Yoshida Shoyo!
[00:28] Tak
    I see. I had no idea.
[00:32] Tak
    I haven't been expelled yet, have I?
[00:41] Obo
    I thought I told you
[00:44] Obo
    not to waste your lives after
    your teacher saved them.
SIGN    Shogun Assassination Arc
    Part Seven
SIGN    The Crows Caw
    After the Battle Ends
SIGN    Watch the Shogun Assassination Arc in a bright
    room and at a safe distance from your TV!!
[02:42] Kag
    Ka...mui...
[02:49] Kam
    What's the matter?
    You can't stop me like that.
[02:53] Kam
    Targeting your opponent's injuries
    without hesitation was good,
[02:58] Kam
    but you were still about 100 steps
    short to mess around with me.
[03:08] Kag
    Maybe for you, since you
    have short legs like Papi.
[03:12] Kag
    But like Mommy, I have a model's figure,
[03:16] Kag
    so one step is enough!
[03:17] Kag
    This fight's just getting started,
    moronic brother of mine!
[03:26] Kam
    Sheesh. You are truly a fool, sister of mine.
[03:29] Kam
    "Know thyself, and know thy enemy,"
    is a basic tenet of battle.
[03:34] Kam
    Take a good look at the length of thy legs,
[03:38] Kam
    and then thy enemy.
[03:51] Kam
    The enemy isn't always right
    in front of your eyes.
[04:00] Kag
    Th-These guys...
[04:18] Rap
    Looks like this is it.
[04:21] Rap
    Forgive me.
[04:23] Rap
    I'm sure you samurai wanted to go out in
    a blaze of glory by the shogun's side.
[04:29] Rap
    But we made you die out in
    the shadows, along with us.
[04:37] Hij
    If I'm just gonna end
    up as fertilizer anyway,
[04:39] Hij
    I don't care if my path there
    is paved by roses or thorns.
[04:44] Hij
    All that matters is that
    I die by my general's side.
[04:50] Kon
    Well said.
[04:51] Kon
    Then try protecting my
    back to the last, Toshi.
[04:57] Kon
    As long as I'm not dead, you're not
    gonna die on me either, now are you?
[05:03] Hij
    Jeez.
[05:05] Hij
    Then I ask that you take
    your leave at the earliest.
[05:08] Rap
    Rest assured.
[05:10] Rap
    No matter who dies first, I'll use my
    puppetteering skill to control the corpse.
[05:17] Kon
    If that's a joke, it ain't funny.
[05:20] Kon
    Let's do this.
[05:21] Kon
    We'll show them the last stand
    of the samurai and ninjas!
[05:43] Kon
    Th-That's...
[05:49] Kon
    Is that ship...
[05:54] Shin
    Shogun-sama! Everyone!
[05:56] Shin
    We're almost there! Hang in
    there for just a little longer!
[06:00] Shin
    There's the exit!
[06:02] Shin
    With this, the shogun will be...
[06:20] Ten
    Great job.
[06:24] Ten
    Your heroic acts are truly worthy of praise.
[06:29] Ten
    You did well to protect Lord
    Shigeshige from the rebels.
[06:35] Ten
    You are truly loyal retainers.
[06:40] Sho
    T-Tendoshu...
[06:46] Abu
    I see.
[06:48] Abu
    They knew everything, but
    they played the silent observer
[06:52] Abu
    and waited for this chance.
[06:57] Abu
    When we, the Hitotsubashi faction, and the
    Shogun faction had worn each other out,
[07:00] Abu
    they would swoop in for the kill.
[07:05] Abu
    Damn those corpse-eating crows.
[07:08] Abu
    Did they think they could
    pluck out our eyeballs now?
[07:12] Abu
    Bring it.
[07:14] Abu
    I hope you didn't think you'd get off
    easy after butting into a Yato battle.
[07:19] G
    Vice Commander!
[07:20] G
    Urgent message from the squadron
    on standby just off Earth!
[07:24] Abu
    What is it?
[07:25] Abu
    Don't tell me the crows flew
    all the way into space.
[07:28] G
    No, it's the Harusame!
[07:31] G
    Our squadron has been surrounded
    by a Harusame fleet!
[07:36] Abu
    Good grief. They've even got the
    Elders in their pocket, huh?
[07:41] Abu
    Commander...
[07:45] Abu
    It seems we were a bit too mischievous.
[07:52] Ten
    You all have fulfilled your roles.
[07:56] Ten
    We shall ensure Lord Shigeshige's safety.
[08:00] Ten
    Do not worry. You can leave the rest to us.
[08:06] Zen
    Not so fast!
[08:09] Zen
    All this time, you did nothing but wait
    for the chance to crush the opposition,
[08:16] Zen
    and now you want to take
    custody of the shogun?
[08:19] Zen
    After the Hitotsubashi,
[08:21] Zen
    you're looking to dispose of the shogun,
    because he's stopped listening to you?
[08:26] Ten
    Crush the Hitotsubashi faction?
[08:30] Ten
    I haven't the faintest idea
    what you're talking about.
[08:33] Ten
    Never mind being on hostile terms with
    Lord Hitotsubashi, we're indebted to him.
[08:39] Ten
    Lord Shigeshige, you should
    be grateful to him, too.
[08:44] Ten
    Do you remember?
[08:46] Ten
    You tried to leave your post
    as shogun by submitting
SIGN    Resignation Letter
[08:51] Ten
    your resignation letter.
[08:54] Ten
    Because there was nobody fit to succeed
    you back then, it was put on hold,
SIGN    Resignation Letter
[09:01] Ten
    but now that a suitable candidate to take
    the reins of the country has been found,
[09:07] Ten
    the Emperor has accepted your resignation.
[09:10] Ten
    I give you the next shogun,
[09:14] Ten
    Lord Hitotsubashi Nobunobu,
[09:17] Ten
    henceforth known as Lord Tokugawa Nobunobu.
[09:21] Shin
    N-No way...
[09:24] Shin
    Why?
[09:26] Shin
    He was the flag-bearer of the Hitotsubashi's
    attempt to take over the bakufu,
[09:30] Shin
    so why'd he team up with the
    Tendoshu to crush his own faction?!
[09:37] Nbnb
    Kill them...
[09:39] Nbnb
    I am the shogun, your great leader.
[09:45] Nbnb
    The ones who insulted me,
[09:49] Nbnb
    and the ones who stand in my way...
[09:52] Nbnb
    Kill them all!
[09:56] Nbnb
    I am the shogun, Tokugawa Nobunobu!
[10:05] Obo
    That tool you prepared
    was unexpectedly shrewd.
[10:12] Obo
    In order to oppose the Tendoshu, you carried
    him so far and gave him so much power.
[10:19] Obo
    But the moment we told
    him we'd make him shogun,
[10:22] Obo
    he discarded you as an enemy
    without a second thought.
[10:26] Obo
    How stupid.
[10:28] Obo
    You wanted to use your foolish king,
[10:31] Obo
    but ended up being used by him instead.
[10:33] Obo
    You defied the heavens, and this
    is all you have to show for it?
[10:37] Obo
    The shogun you pinned your ambitions on
[10:40] Obo
    and the shogun you pinned
    your hopes on are both gone.
[10:45] Obo
    All that's left is a puppet of the heavens.
[10:51] Nbnb
    What are you doing?
[10:51] Zen
    You took in the enemy's flag-bearer,
[10:55] Zen
    and at the same time made him your puppet?
[10:55] Nbnb
    Hurry up, you fools!
[10:58] Nbnb
    Kill them!
[10:58] Zen
    I'm not sure he can even
    function as a puppet, though.
[11:00] Nbnb
    Are you defying an order from your shogun?!
[11:02] Ten
    Calm down, Lord Nobunobu.
[11:05] Ten
    The crows will soon get rid
    of the remaining enemies.
[11:10] Ten
    Besides, nobody can stand
    in your way anymore.
[11:15] Ten
    Not even the former shogun.
[11:20] Ten
    Now, hand over Lord Shigeshige.
[11:24] Ten
    You should've realized by now that
    your worst fears won't come to pass.
[11:30] Zen
    It makes even less sense
    to hand him over now.
[11:33] Zen
    Even if he has resigned from the post,
[11:37] Zen
    it doesn't change the fact that the shogun
    is the biggest obstacle in Nobunobu's way.
[11:45] Ten
    What? Are you saying you
    refuse to hand him over?
[11:49] Ten
    You don't need me to tell you this,
    but this is an order from Lord Nobunobu.
[11:52] Ten
    An order from the new shogun.
[11:55] Ten
    Do you know what will happen
    if you don't obey it?
[12:00] Ten
    You're loyal retainers who
    protected Lord Shigeshige's life.
[12:04] Ten
    We don't want to have to kill
    you here along with the enemy.
[12:08] Ten
    Please don't force our hand.
[12:22] Shin
    Shogun-sama?
[12:26] Ten
    Take Lord Shigeshige into custody.
[12:30] Sho
    Stand down.
[12:33] Sho
    You disrespect me.
[12:34] Sho
    I said, stand down.
[12:37] Sho
    Are you aware of who I am?
[12:40] Sho
    I am the shogun, Tokugawa Shigeshige.
[12:46] Shin
    Shogun-sama...
[12:49] Ten
    Lord Shigeshige, you are no longer—
[12:51] Sho
    Did you not hear me?
[12:53] Sho
    I'm saying I'm the shogun.
[12:57] Sho
    And nobody can order the shogun around.
[12:59] Sho
    Leave my sight at once.
[13:01] Zen
    Shogun, you...
[13:04] Sho
    Forgive me, Zenzo.
[13:07] Sho
    You people put your lives
    on the line to protect me.
[13:11] Sho
    Even when I was no longer shogun,
[13:13] Sho
    you tried to protect me simply
    as Tokugawa Shigeshige, a friend.
[13:18] Sho
    And that is exactly why I must
    continue to be the shogun.
[13:25] Sho
    So as to not waste the lives that
    were lost for me and this country,
[13:30] Sho
    I cannot run away from my battle.
[13:35] Sho
    I am the shogun, Tokugawa Shigeshige.
[13:39] Sho
    The man who protects this
    country where my friends live!
[13:49] Nbnb
    And to fulfill that goal, you'll even
    endure the deaths of your friends here?
[13:55] Nbnb
    Very well, Shigeshige!
[13:57] Nbnb
    I shall grant your wish!
[14:01] Sho
    Lord Nobunobu,
[14:04] Sho
    the friends of a real shogun
    aren't as weak as you think.
[14:10] Nb
    Shut it!
[14:12] Nb
    Your friends have been rendered useless!
[14:16] Obo
    Your swords won't reach the heavens anymore.
[14:20] Obo
    No, they were broken a long time ago.
[14:26] Obo
    So why is it, White Yaksha?
[14:31] Obo
    Why do you still grip that
    broken sword of yours?
[14:36] Obo
    You killed your teacher, and
    even battled your former friend.
[14:42] Obo
    Just what is it
[14:47] Obo
    that you are trying to fight?
[14:52] Gin
    My enemy is right here.
[14:57] Gin
    We've never changed.
[15:01] Gin
    In order to become the kind
    of samurai we want to be,
[15:09] Gin
    we've all been fighting our own selves.
[15:13] Gin
    I can't accept his brand
    of samurai or his methods.
[15:21] Gin
    I'll stop him, even if it
    means having to kill him.
[15:27] Gin
    But I'm also the one who understands
    how he feels better than anyone else
[15:34] Gin
    in this world!
[15:37] Gin
    We hated the same thing more than
    anything else in this world.
[15:41] Gin
    You guys have no right to kill him.
[15:47] Gin
    Be it killing him or protecting him,
[15:50] Gin
    they're both my job!
[15:53] Gin
    That is my brand of samurai!
[16:01] Obo
    You really should've died back then.
[16:05] Obo
    Shoyo must be crying in the afterlife.
[16:08] Obo
    The students he gave his life to save
[16:12] Obo
    are burning with hatred because of him,
[16:15] Obo
    and throwing away their lives.
[16:19] Obo
    Farewell, Shoyo's disciples.
[16:23] Obo
    Go home, to your teacher and your friends.
[16:37] Gin
    Don't take Shoyo's...
[16:41] Gin
    ...name in vain!
[16:57] Tak
    Make sure you burn this into your memory, too.
[17:03] Tak
    Remember the last face you saw with that eye.
[17:06] Tak
    Was it mine,
[17:08] Tak
    or his?
[17:11] Tak
    Even if one of us dies here,
[17:14] Tak
    the other will definitely send you to Hell.
[17:25] Obo
    Survive?
[17:28] Obo
    You're both fated to die here!
[17:40] Kag
    Too bad.
[17:42] Kag
    Neither of them's gonna die.
[17:44] Kag
    Because they're both for me to kill.
[17:47] Kag
    Shinsuke, I can't have you dying here.
[17:51] Kag
    You promised to fight me as soon
    as I repaid my debt, remember?
[17:55] Kag
    I won't let anybody kill Gin-chan.
[17:58] Kag
    That includes you, Kamui.
[18:01] Kam
    Then try to make it out of this alive.
[18:05] Kam
    Prove that you are strong.
[18:17] Sho
    Lord Nobunobu.
[18:19] Sho
    No matter who you are,
[18:21] Sho
    I'm not about to take orders from you.
[18:26] Sho
    I shall return to my country
    with my own two feet.
[18:33] Sho
    Along with my friends.
[18:37] Ten
    It can't be...
[18:40] Mat
    Sorry to keep you waiting, Sho-chan.
[18:48] Oki
    It's a bit too early to be picking at corpses,
[18:51] Oki
    you crows.
[18:57] Oki
    They're not dead yet.
[18:59] Oki
    The shogun, and this country, still has us.
[19:05] Oki
    As long as the Shinsengumi are around,
[19:08] Oki
    this country won't go down easily.
[19:12] Oki
    Isn't that right, Kondo-san, Hijikata-san?
SIGN    Next episode,
SIGN    the Shogun Assassination Arc
SIGN    reaches its end.
[19:23] Kag
    Outta the way!
[19:25] Y
    People have more freedom than they think.
[19:30] Obo
    Struggle all you want.
[19:33] Sho
    I shall gladly be the last shogun.
SIGN    As a person,
[19:39] Gin
    Before dawn.
[19:41] Gin
    The night is darkest just before the dawn.
[19:45] Gin
    But keep your eyes open.
SIGN    Tokugawa Shigeshige makes his decision.
SIGN    Pay close attention!
SIGN    Teach Us!!
SIGN    Ginpachi-sensei
[21:21] Gin
    Teach us...
[21:22] All
    Ginpachi-sensei!
[21:25] Gin
    Yeah, we're actually doing
    Ginpachi-sensei here.
[21:30] Gin
    Let's get right to reading fan mail.
[21:33] Gin
    Here's a question from pen name Gorilla
    Gorilla Gorilla (subject to change).
[21:37] Gin
    Two episodes ago,
[21:38] Gin
    it came to light that Gintoki became Shoyo's
    student before Takasugi and Katsura.
[21:45] Gin
    But in Gintama: The Movie:
    Benizakura Arc Retelling,
[21:48] Gin
    there's a scene where it looks
    like Takasugi and Katsura
[21:52] Gin
    are already in Shoka Sonjuku when Gintoki
    shows up like a transfer student.
[21:56] Gin
    Was that an error?
[21:58] Gin
    What happened to consistency?
[22:01] Gin
    Please tell me.
[22:04] Gin
    Yeah, when we made the
    Benizakura Arc Retelling,
[22:07] Gin
    we had no idea this was gonna happen.
[22:10] Gin
    We're so sorry!
[22:12] Gin
    If you were expecting that kind of
    answer, we're sorry to disappoint.
[22:15] Gin
    That stuff is perfectly consistent, too.
[22:17] Gin
    Let's look back at the scene
    in question, and I'll explain.
[22:36] Gin
    Yes, it does look like Katsura and
    Takasugi have already joined the school
[22:42] Gin
    when Shoyo brings Gintoki along.
[22:44] Gin
    But as you could tell
    by watching it just now,
[22:46] Gin
    this scene isn't voiced, is it?
[22:49] Gin
    In anime and video production,
[22:51] Gin
    it's fairly common for fully made scenes
    to get shortened due to time constraints.
[22:56] Gin
    So we'll take the scene in question and
    add the voices it was meant to have.
[23:01] Gin
    Let's watch it again and find
    out what really happened.
[23:06] Sho
    Listen up, kids.
[23:09] Sho
    Gintoki-kun lost his underwear.
[23:11] Sho
    Don't ask why.
[23:12] Sho
    If anyone has spare underwear or a
    loincloth, please lend them to him.
[23:16] Kat
    I'd rather not.
[23:18] Tak
    Don't wanna.
[23:19] Sho
    Is that so?
[23:23] Sho
    Gintoki.
[23:25] Sho
    Use this to wipe your ass once
    more and get back to class.
[23:31] Gin
    Well, there you have it.
[23:33] Gin
    That was actually a scene
    where Gintoki poops his pants
[23:37] Gin
    and gets humiliated in public.
[23:39] Gin
    With the added voices,
    I'm sure you're convinced now.
[23:44] Gin
    And that's all, folks.
SIGN    The End
SIGN    Now then, next week marks
SIGN    the end of the Shogun Assassination Arc.

E307 - Shogun Assassination Arc Part Eight: Farewell, Buddy

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Shogun Assassination Arc
    Part Eight
SIGN    Farewell, Buddy
SIGN    Watch the Shogun Assassination Arc in a bright
    room and at a safe distance from your TV!!
[01:37] Obo
    You really don't know when to give up.
[01:40] Obo
    You still cling to hope?
[01:45] Obo
    You still defy the heavens?
[01:48] Kag
    Outta the way!
[01:52] Obo
    No, this is also something
    the heavens have preordained.
[01:57] Obo
    We're leaving.
[02:11] (Flashback) Obo
    What are you doing?
[02:15] (Flashback) Obo
    Mukuro...
[02:17] (Flashback) Obo
    Is this your doing, too,
[02:20] (Flashback) Obo
    Shoyo?
[02:23] (Flashback) Obo
    Is this what you wanted to do?
[02:27] (Flashback) Obo
    You defied the heavens and got
    brought back down to Earth.
[02:30] (Flashback) Obo
    Now, while you await your death
    in this filthy prison cell,
[02:33] (Flashback) Obo
    you teach your guard?
[02:37] (Flashback) Y
    It wasn't the heavens I defied.
[02:41] (Flashback) Y
    It was myself.
[02:43] (Flashback) Y
    My hands did nothing but plunder from others,
[02:46] (Flashback) Y
    so I wanted to see if they
    could give people something.
[02:50] (Flashback) Y
    But in the end, that desire went unfulfilled.
[02:53] (Flashback) Y
    I was the one who was
    given something precious.
[02:58] (Flashback) Y
    People are born weak.
[03:03] (Flashback) Y
    Everyone struggles through life, burdened
    with an identity they cannot accept.
[03:09] (Flashback) Y
    Unfortunate as it may be,
    there is no escaping that struggle.
[03:15] (Flashback) Y
    However, that doesn't mean we can only
    suffer as our weakness controls us.
[03:20] (Flashback) Y
    We can also struggle to face our weaknesses,
    defy them, and change ourselves.
[03:26] (Flashback) Y
    Those little samurai taught me that...
[03:31] (Flashback) Y
    People have more freedom than they think.
[03:36] Obo
    Struggle all you want.
[03:38] Obo
    If that is your fate as his disciples,
[03:43] Obo
    then keep struggling to the last
[03:45] Obo
    with those broken swords of yours.
[04:18] Ten
    This battle isn't worth taking on both
    the Takasugi and Shogun factions.
[04:25] Ten
    Their political defeat has
    already been set in stone.
[04:28] N
    B-But...
[04:30] Ten
    Lord Nobunobu, you've already
    received the emperor's blessings.
[04:35] Ten
    You are the shogun.
[04:44] Ten
    Lord Shigeshige, I understand your will.
[04:50] Ten
    But this country no longer has
    any place for you as shogun.
[04:55] Ten
    Are you saying you will create a new country?
[04:59] Ten
    If one country has two rulers,
[05:03] Ten
    then its subjects will also be
    divided and thrown into chaos.
[05:07] Ten
    Knowing that, will you
    still cling to your throne?
[05:12] Sho
    This country no longer has a ruler.
[05:16] Sho
    All it has left is men being swept
    away by the winds of change.
[05:19] Sho
    Mere puppets of the authority
    behind the scenes.
[05:24] Sho
    But those puppets will
    soon fall to pieces, too.
[05:29] Sho
    In this era, which abounds with
    various ideologies and values,
[05:34] Sho
    it is no longer possible to unite
    people's hearts under one ruler.
[05:43] Sho
    If they lose their compass,
SIGN    Divine Punishment
[05:45] Sho
    then just like us, the people will
    get swept away as the tides turn.
[05:48] Sho
    They will lose their way and walk
    down the path of destruction.
[05:53] Sho
    It is for that reason that there
    is something we must regain.
[05:58] Sho
    A way of life that will hold firm
    in the face of this chaotic age...
[06:05] Sho
    Our own brand of samurai.
[06:08] Sho
    That is the lesson they taught me.
[06:12] Sho
    Even without a ruler,
[06:14] Sho
    people can fight for their friends,
    the things they hold dear,
[06:18] Sho
    and their unyielding conviction.
[06:21] Sho
    We can all fight for what rules us
    and each become our own samurai.
[06:27] Sho
    Even in the darkest depths of turmoil,
[06:29] Sho
    we can discover a way of
    life that we find beautiful.
[06:35] Sho
    Samurai such as those are what the
    world needs in the times to come.
[06:41] Sho
    There is no longer any place for us.
[06:44] Ten
    Amusing.
[06:46] Ten
    Are you saying that two shoguns are not enough,
    but people should all rule themselves?
[06:52] Ten
    And to that end, you will abolish
    the role of shogun yourself?
[07:01] Ten
    If this country hinders their way of life,
[07:06] Ten
    then along with that pitiful puppet,
[07:09] Ten
    I shall gladly be the last shogun.
[07:15] G
    Chief!
[07:16] G
    Are you all right?
[07:18] Kon
    Yeah. Don't worry.
[07:36] Hij
    Damn you!
[08:08] Sac
    Gin-san!
[08:09] Shin
    Gin-san...
[08:13] Gin
    H-Hey...
[08:15] Zen
    Wh-What is it?
[08:17] Gin
    I forgot to mention...
[08:20] Gin
    Remember that one copy of Jump?
[08:24] Gin
    If you're curious about what happens next,
[08:31] Gin
    fork over half the price.
[08:36] Sac
    Gin-san!
[08:38] Shin
    Gin-san!
[08:46] Zen
    Like I could read that.
[09:01] Mat
    It's been two weeks.
[09:04] Mat
    He's not showing any signs of movement,
    let alone opening his eyes.
[09:07] Ban
    Matako, I know you're worried,
[09:10] Ban
    but you should get some rest yourself.
[09:12] Ban
    It's a miracle that he made it
    out alive with those wounds.
[09:17] Ban
    That's what we must tell ourselves.
[09:20] Hen
    The Kiheitai are in a sorry state, too.
[09:25] Hen
    Who would've thought our king would
    betray us one move away from checkmate?
[09:31] Hen
    We've lost a lot of troops, but what
    hurts more is losing our flag bearer.
[09:38] Hen
    It will take a while to recover from this.
[09:43] Mat
    Will Shinsuke-sama be
    able to rise once again?
[09:48] Mat
    Maybe this is the end...
[09:52] Ban
    He crossed swords with the White Yaksha.
[09:55] Ban
    I'm sure Shinsuke was prepared
    to face the consequences.
[10:02] Ban
    But there's no doubting what I saw back then.
[10:08] Ban
    He was hurt all over and seemed
    to be on the verge of death,
[10:12] Ban
    but there was still a fire in his eyes.
[10:15] Ban
    He had his sight set on something,
    with more focus than ever.
[10:21] Ban
    Shinsuke...
[10:23] Ban
    Just what did you see in the
    midst of your battle with him?
[10:31] Abu
    The Elders betrayed us.
[10:34] Abu
    They were in cahoots with
    the Tendoshu all along.
[10:39] Abu
    Along with Takasugi and his gang,
    we were messing with the Tendoshu.
[10:43] Abu
    I bet they were waiting for
    the chance to cast us aside.
[10:47] Abu
    So not only are we no longer pirates,
    we're being targeted by them.
[10:54] Kam
    Things are going well, then.
[10:56] ---
    Huh?
[10:57] Kam
    Now I'm one step closer to
    becoming the King of Pirates.
[11:01] Kam
    The quickest way to become
    the strongest in the universe
[11:04] Kam
    would be to turn the entire universe
    against me and beat them all up, right?
[11:08] Kam
    I was eventually gonna kill them all, anyway.
[11:11] Kam
    It's simpler now that I can
    deal with them all at once.
[11:13] Abu
    That's not the issue here!
[11:15] Abu
    Repaying your debt to
    Takasugi and his gang is fine,
[11:18] Abu
    but we'll go down with them at this rate!
[11:22] Kam
    Shinsuke and I won't go down that easily.
[11:27] Kam
    Even that crybaby took a stand,
[11:31] Kam
    no matter how many times she fell.
[11:34] Kam
    So I can't fall here, either.
[11:38] Kam
    Because...
[11:40] Kam
    I'm her big bro.
[11:45] Nb
    With Shigeshige-sama gone,
[11:48] Nb
    those of us left behind must carry
    the country on our shoulders.
[11:52] Nb
    The enemy's blade did strike me down once,
[11:56] Nb
    but with the role the emperor
    has entrusted to me,
[11:58] Nb
    I stand before you once again.
[12:00] Nb
    As the new shogun, Tokugawa Nobunobu,
[12:03] Nb
    I ask all of you to lend me your strength.
[12:06] Nb
    And together, let us change this chaotic
    world and bring about a new era.
[12:13] Nb
    We cannot take back what is
    already lost to the past.
[12:18] Sho
    Thank you.
[12:21] Shin
    You're really leaving, Shogun-sama?
[12:25] Sho
    I cannot let the Tendoshu and Lord Nobunobu
    have their way with this country.
[12:31] Sho
    But I cannot go back to Edo.
[12:34] Sho
    Thus, I shall head to Kyo and
    wait for the chance to rally.
[12:38] Sho
    It is the land where the emperor resides.
[12:40] Sho
    They won't be able to make a move easily.
[12:43] Sho
    I shall gather my allies who were driven
    out of the bakufu, lobby the emperor,
[12:48] Sho
    and establish a new administration in Kyo.
[12:50] Sho
    That is the only way to oppose
    the Tendoshu and Lord Nobunobu.
[12:55] Sho
    Soyo, you can stay here if you wish.
[12:59] So
    No. I'll come with you and support you.
[13:03] So
    Parting with everyone will be hard,
[13:06] So
    but that's exactly why I must go.
[13:10] So
    So I can meet them again with a smile in Edo.
[13:16] Kag
    Soyo-chan...
[13:17] So
    Kagura-chan...
[13:19] Sho
    I'm sorry, but I cannot take you with me yet.
[13:23] Sho
    I cannot turn you into
    the Tendoshu's enemies,
[13:27] Sho
    for you are the only ones
    I can entrust with Edo.
[13:31] Kon
    No need to worry.
[13:33] Kon
    We will protect Edo.
[13:34] Kon
    We will protect your and
    Princess Soyo's home.
[13:41] Kon
    It might've been hard for us to do it alone,
[13:45] Kon
    but we have your trustworthy
    retainers with us.
[13:50] Kon
    Isn't that right, Oniwaban?
[13:55] Sho
    Thank you.
[13:57] Sho
    If you had not killed me,
    I would not have survived.
[14:02] Sho
    But I cannot stay dead.
[14:07] Sho
    I...
[14:09] Zen
    You'll go even if we stop you, right?
[14:11] Zen
    Then shut up and go.
[14:13] Sac
    We don't need to be told what to do.
[14:16] Sac
    The duty of the Oniwaban is
    to protect the shogun's duty.
[14:21] Sac
    And the shogun's duty is to protect
    the country and its people.
[14:24] Sac
    The shogun may change,
    but our job remains the same.
[14:29] Zen
    We're the Oniwaban of our
    buddy, Tokugawa Shigeshige.
[14:37] Sho
    Shigeshige is fine.
[14:40] Sho
    You once wondered what to call me
    the next time we met, did you not?
[14:47] Sho
    I would like "Shigeshige."
[14:51] Sho
    Let us meet again in an era where
    we may address each other that way.
[14:57] Sho
    Farewell,
[15:04] Sho
    my buddies.
SIGN    Oedo Hospital
SIGN    A New Shogun Is Appointed
[15:35] Shin
    Gin-san, was this for the best?
[15:39] Shin
    The shogun's still alive, but now Edo's...
[15:45] Shin
    Just what's going to happen to the world now?
[15:50] Gin
    Before dawn.
[15:53] Gin
    The night is darkest just before the dawn.
[15:57] Gin
    But keep your eyes open.
[15:59] Gin
    If you avert your eyes from the dark,
    you'll be blind to the rays of a new day.
[16:06] Gin
    So keep your eyes open, no matter
    how dark the night ahead may be.
[16:11] Kag
    Gin-chan, Gin-chan!
[16:13] Kag
    Soyo-chan sent a letter!
[16:16] Gin
    What the hell are you doing?!
[16:20] So
    Kagura-chan, everyone,
[16:23] So
    I hope you are well.
[16:25] So
    Brother and I are doing much
    better than we were in Edo.
[16:31] So
    We're now at the safest
    place in this country,
[16:35] So
    the Imperial Palace, under
    the emperor's protection.
[16:39] So
    Here, there's no need to worry about
    any threats to Brother's life.
[16:43] So
    In fact, there's no need to
    worry about any conflict at all.
[16:46] So
    The only problem is...
[16:50] Sho
    Katakuriko, I don't need guarding.
[16:53] Sho
    We're inside the Imperial Palace.
    This is disrespectful.
[16:56] Sho
    And I'm about to meet my friends,
[16:58] Sho
    who were driven out of the bakufu
    due to their loyalty to me.
[17:03] Sho
    I cannot doubt them.
[17:07] Sho
    If I remain a shogun while trying
    to create a world without shoguns,
[17:12] Sho
    no one will follow me.
[17:14] Sho
    I will go as I am, as simply a friend.
[17:20] So
    Brother's former retainers
    were worried about him,
[17:24] So
    so they came in droves as soon
    as they heard about the crisis.
[17:27] So
    Day after day, they keep
    knocking on the doors.
[17:30] Sho
    Please raise your heads.
[17:32] Sho
    I sit before you as simply
    Tokugawa Shigeshige the man.
[17:36] Sho
    Would you help me as my friends?
[17:39] G
    Shigeshige-sama!
[17:41] G
    Including all of you,
[17:43] G
    Brother really is lucky to
    have such great friends.
[17:51] So
    I lost track of time!
[17:52] So
    Brother will be home soon.
[17:55] So
    I have to ready his tea.
[17:56] So
    Today's the day I make
    him admit it's delicious!
[18:01] Sho
    Thank you.
[18:06] G
    Please call for me if you ever need anything.
[18:08] G
    I'll rush to your aid any time.
[18:10] Sho
    I'm counting on you.
[18:16] Sho
    Oh, Tomonosuke! You came!
[18:20] Sho
    I've lost count of how many times you've
    helped me since we were children.
[18:25] Sho
    My childhood friend, will you
    lend me your strength again?
[18:31] To
    If I may, Shigeshige-sama...
[18:34] To
    You no longer have any allies in this world.
[18:46] G
    Shogun-sama, do you remember me?
[18:49] G
    When I heard you were in trouble,
    I rushed here to offer you my help.
[19:07] So
    Oh, no! Brother's teacup!
[19:20] So
    Thank you all so much for
    being friends with my Brother.
[19:26] G
    It's a poisoned needle!
    I can't believe he snuck this in!
[19:27] So
    With you as his allies,
    with his friends by his side,
[19:31] So
    I'm sure Brother won't lose to anyone.
[19:31] Mat
    Treat him at once!
[19:33] G
    But the poison's already spread all over...
[19:35] Mat
    Just shut up and do something!
[19:37] G
    B-But...
[19:39] Sho
    It's fine.
[19:41] Sho
    That's enough, Katakuriko.
[19:48] Sho
    I see.
[19:50] Sho
    Now I can finally go back
    to being merely Shigeshige.
[19:56] Mat
    Sho—
[20:01] Sho
    I have a favor to ask.
[20:05] So
    So please, everyone...
[20:07] So
    Even though we're far apart
    and can't meet for a while,
[20:11] So
    please don't forget Brother.
[20:15] So
    Please wait for Tokugawa Shigeshige.
[20:19] So
    We'll come back for sure.
[20:21] So
    In a world where the shogun
    and the country don't matter,
[20:25] So
    we'll come back to you as people just
    like you, as just a pair of siblings.
[20:36] So
    You're back, Brother?
[20:40] So
    Good timing. I just made some tea.
[20:44] So
    I'm sorry.
[20:46] So
    I broke your teacup.
[20:52] So
    Here you go.
[21:07] So
    How do you like it, Brother?
[21:10] So
    I put in more effort than usual today!
[21:15] Shigeshige
    Soyo.
[21:17] Shigeshige
    I've gone back to being simply a
    brother, but the tea you make...
[21:24] Shigeshige
    is still lacking.
[21:27] So
    Jeez, Brother! You're such a meanie!
[21:36] So
    Brother?
[21:44] So
    You must be really tired.
[21:47] So
    Forget about the country and
    the position of shogun today,
[21:51] So
    and get some rest.
[21:54] So
    Goodnight, Brother.
SIGN    Changing times,
SIGN    unchanging spirits...
SIGN    The adversities of the era come raining down.
SIGN    Next week, a new arc begins.

E308 - Farewell Shinsengumi Arc Part One: The Day the Demon Cried

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    To Our Valued Customers: We are taking the day off for personal reasons. - Owner
[01:27] Shin
    Shogun-sama...
SIGN    Lord Tokugawa Shigeshige Assassinated
SIGN    Watch Gintama in a bright room
    and at a safe distance from your TV!!
[03:21] Ten
    A country doesn't need two shoguns.
[03:25] Ten
    And a puppet that defies us
    holds no value whatsoever.
[03:30] Ten
    What a pitiful man Tokugawa Shigeshige was.
[03:33] Ten
    He wouldn't have lost his life if
    he'd been our obedient pet.
[03:37] Ten
    But he tried to abolish the position of
    shogun by establishing a new administration.
[03:42] Ten
    Did he think he would render us powerless
    if he asked for the emperor's help?
[03:47] Ten
    Truly foolish.
[03:49] Ten
    And truly an end befitting that man.
[03:56] Ra
    I heard the assassin had been a close
    friend of his since childhood.
[04:01] Ra
    The shogun staunchly refused to be
    accompanied to the meeting by bodyguards.
[04:06] Ra
    I'm sure it was partly because
    he trusted his retainers,
[04:09] Ra
    and partly because he wanted
    to show that he trusted them.
[04:12] Ra
    The Tendoshu took advantage of that.
[04:14] Ra
    The shogun believed in
    his friends to the last,
[04:17] Ra
    and paid for it with his life.
[04:19] Zen
    So he wouldn't have died
    if he hadn't met us, huh?
[04:25] Ra
    Who knows?
[04:26] Ra
    He'd been a puppet of the times,
[04:29] Ra
    but in the end, he chose how he would
    live and where he would die himself.
[04:34] Ra
    It was because he met you, his friends.
[04:39] Zen
    Unfortunately, I no longer have
    the right to call myself that.
[04:46] Zen
    A guy who killed his friends
    to protect his friend...
[04:50] Zen
    A guy who sacrificed so many,
[04:53] Zen
    and still couldn't protect that friend...
[04:56] Zen
    A loser
[04:58] Zen
    has no right to call himself that.
[05:03] Zen
    I couldn't protect a thing.
[05:06] Zen
    I couldn't change a thing.
[05:09] Zen
    All that's left is the man with
    their blood on his hands...
[05:13] Zen
    A sinner.
SIGN    Special Police Shinsengumi
[06:02] Gin
    I see doubt in your sword.
[06:07] Gin
    A police hound shouldn't be ignoring
    a lost cat and getting lost himself.
[06:12] Gin
    Want me to spar with you?
[06:14] Gin
    Right now, I bet I could
    beat you with just this.
[06:18] Kon
    I'll pass.
[06:20] Kon
    Not even the police can say where a
    forever lost stray cloud will end up.
[06:24] Gin
    At the very least, I wouldn't wander
    into such a filthy place when sober.
[06:29] Gin
    What do you want?
[06:30] Gin
    Where are the others?
[06:32] Kon
    Beats me.
[06:33] Kon
    Probably at the funeral.
[06:36] Kon
    I don't have the right to go.
[06:39] Kon
    But it's convenient that nobody's here now.
[06:42] Kon
    We haven't paid you guys
    for that time, right?
[06:46] Kon
    Well, you know,
[06:47] Kon
    if the situation weren't what it is,
[06:48] Kon
    a legendary Joi Rebel and
    the Shinsengumi chief
[06:51] Kon
    would never get the chance to share a drink.
[06:55] Kon
    Join me for a drink,
[06:57] Kon
    White Yaksha.
[07:00] G
    On your knees!
[07:01] G
    Can't you hear me?!
[07:05] G
    You're in the presence of shogun—
[07:09] Mat
    Shogun?
[07:11] Mat
    I'm sorry, but there's only
    one man I ever served.
[07:15] Mat
    It's my policy not to change my cigarette
    brand or master at the drop of a hat,
[07:21] Mat
    Lord Nobunobu.
[07:22] G
    You impudent bastard!
[07:26] Nb
    That's an impressive show
    of loyalty, Matsudaira.
[07:29] Nb
    You don't sound like a good-for-nothing
    who couldn't protect his master's life.
[07:34] Mat
    Not as impressive as a certain treacherous
    shogun who stole that position
[07:39] Mat
    by murdering his former lord
    right under the emperor's nose.
[07:43] Mat
    The assassin immediately killed
    himself by taking poison,
[07:47] Mat
    but I'd wager one of his relatives
    had been taken hostage or something.
[07:51] Mat
    Once I dig into his background,
    finding the mastermind will be easy.
[07:55] Nb
    If I were the mastermind,
[07:57] Nb
    the proof you seek would
    no longer be in this world.
[08:00] Mat
    Don't be in such a rush, Lord Nobunobu.
[08:03] Mat
    I haven't mobilized anyone yet.
[08:06] Mat
    This is something I've got to do myself.
[08:09] Sas
    I'm sorry, Lord Matsudaira,
[08:11] Sas
    but you no longer have the
    right to judge anyone.
[08:15] Sas
    Please drop it.
[08:17] Sas
    The cigarette,
[08:18] Sas
    and the other thing.
[08:22] Mat
    Sasaki...
[08:24] Mat
    I thought for sure you'd have been cast
    aside along with Takasugi and the rest.
[08:28] Mat
    You're still wagging your
    tail at Lord Nobunobu?
[08:32] Sas
    Takasugi? Whatever might
    you be talking about?
[08:35] Sas
    Lord Nobunobu has always
    been the only man I serve.
[08:39] Sas
    I can't imagine why he would cast me aside.
[08:42] Nb
    Exactly.
[08:43] Nb
    Matsudaira, are you aware of who
    that man standing before you is?
[08:48] Nb
    He's Sasaki Isaburo,
    Commissioner-General of Police.
[08:52] Sas
    Unfortunately for you,
    former Commissioner-General,
[08:54] Sas
    your era has come to an end.
[09:09] Gin
    Who asks an injured guy to drink with him?
[09:11] Kon
    If you keep caring about stuff like that,
[09:13] Kon
    you won't ever be able to drink, since
    you were dropped on your head at birth.
[09:17] Gin
    Go suck on a rotten fruit
    in some jungle, gorilla.
[09:24] Kon
    Besides, there are wounds that
    only this stuff can heal.
[09:30] Kon
    War really is cruel, huh?
[09:33] Kon
    Whether you win or not, you
    always lose more than you gain.
[09:37] Kon
    The victor can still console
    themselves by counting their gains,
[09:41] Kon
    but the defeated can only
    count everything they've lost.
[09:45] Kon
    The allies they couldn't protect,
[09:47] Kon
    the enemies they cut down,
[09:48] Kon
    and the crimes of war...
[09:50] Kon
    All of it weighs heavily upon them.
[09:53] Kon
    They wonder what they even fought for,
[09:56] Kon
    and whether there was any point in paying
    the price and sullying their hands.
[10:02] Kon
    Is that how you've felt in
    all the wars you fought in?
[10:07] Gin
    There's no point.
[10:09] Gin
    No matter whether you win or not,
[10:11] Gin
    no matter what you protect or lose,
[10:14] Gin
    there's no meaning to war.
[10:16] Gin
    Glorify it all you want,
    but it's a pointless exercise
[10:18] Gin
    that leaves behind nothing but
    corpses and sins in its wake.
[10:22] Gin
    There's nothing worth going that far to protect.
[10:26] Gin
    If there is anything,
[10:28] Gin
    it's the will to create a world
    free of such senseless crap
[10:31] Gin
    by fighting oneself instead of the enemy.
[10:37] Gin
    And that will isn't dead yet...
[10:41] Gin
    Not as long as there are
    others who carry the torch.
[10:44] Sho
    You are the only ones I can entrust with Edo.
[11:19] Kon
    Then we don't need funerals
    or farewells, do we?
[11:27] Kon
    Sharing this drink is plenty.
[11:46] Kon
    Odd Jobs.
[11:48] Kon
    I'm glad we feel the same way.
[11:51] Kon
    That no matter whose corpse
    you have to walk over,
[11:54] Kon
    there are some things that must be protected.
[11:57] Kon
    Give Toshi and the others a message for me.
[12:00] Kon
    Tell them not to do anything stupid,
    and that Edo still needs them.
[12:05] Kon
    Well, I've passed the torch.
[12:11] Kon
    I'm glad the three of us got
    to share a drink in the end.
[12:15] Kon
    Though I wish we'd done it sooner.
[12:19] Nb
    Let Sasaki investigate the case.
[12:22] Nb
    Matsudaira, what you need to do
    is take responsibility for it.
[12:27] Nb
    Lord Shigeshige's assassination was the
    result of your failure to keep him in check.
[12:33] Nb
    Thus, I order
[12:35] Nb
    Matsudaira Katakuriko and his subordinate,
    Shinsengumi Chief Kondo Isao,
[12:43] Nb
    to be beheaded,
SIGN    Special Police
    Shinsengumi
[12:45] Nb
    and the Shinsengumi
[12:47] Nb
    to be disbanded as of today.
[13:07] G
    How horrible.
[13:09] G
    Those guys were maintaining order
    in Edo until just the other day.
[13:12] G
    Why did they meet such a fate?
[13:13] G
    What are you talking about?
[13:15] G
    They're the horrible ones.
[13:17] G
    Apparently it's their fault
    Shigeshige-sama died.
[13:25] G
    Who needs police who can't
    even protect their lord?
[13:44] HB2
    Sheesh.
[13:46] HB2
    Falling asleep during a stakeout?
    Talk about a shameless newbie.
[13:50] HB2
    But I guess that's understandable.
[13:52] HB2
    You haven't slept properly
    these past few days, have you?
[13:54] Hij
    S-Sorry.
[13:56] Hij
    Go home for today.
[13:58] Hij
    Don't worry.
[13:59] Hij
    The only criminals here are petty
    ones that'd put you to sleep.
[14:02] Hij
    That won't do. Switch with me.
[14:04] HB2
    Don't push yourself, Vice Chief.
[14:06] Hij
    Don't call me that.
[14:10] Hij
    The vice chief is no more.
[14:16] HB1
    Let him do as he pleases.
[14:18] HB2
    Boss...
[14:20] HB1
    All men have times
[14:21] HB1
    when they want to forget everything
    and drown themselves in work.
[14:25] HB1
    That's right.
[14:26] HB1
    The only thing you can do for
    a hard-boiled man like that
[14:30] HB1
    is take him to a bar after work
    and treat him to a glass of Camus.
[14:36] HB1
    Bartender.
[14:38] HB1
    The usual, please.
SIGN    Strawberry Milk
[14:40] Gin
    You won't find that crap here.
[14:42] HB1
    All men have times when they
    get bars and perms mixed up.
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[14:45] Gin
    Who're you calling a perm,
    you perm-boiled constable?
[14:48] Gin
    But I didn't expect him to
    be transferred to your place.
[14:53] Gin
    How's he doing, Kozenigata?
[14:57] HB1
    "How," you ask?
[15:00] HB1
    I invited him to join me for drinks and
    hijinks, but he just wouldn't accept.
[15:04] Gin
    What do you mean, "hijinks"?
    What the hell are you inviting him to?
[15:07] HB1
    That's the demonic vice chief for you.
[15:08] HB1
    He won't be tamed so easily.
[15:10] HB1
    I've ended up with one hell of a subordinate.
[15:14] HB1
    Some men are noble wolves that can't
    be tamed by the leash of authority.
[15:19] BG
    Come on! Listen to your queen!
[15:20] HB1
    Apparently he's one of them, just like me.
[15:23] (Flashback) HB
    Leashes don't arouse me anymore.
[15:25] (Flashback) HB
    Bring out the chains!
[15:27] Gin
    You've totally been tamed!
[15:28] Gin
    Use those chains to hang yourself!
[15:32] Gin
    What about the others?
[15:33] HB
    Similar story for all of them.
[15:35] HB
    Following the new shogun's appointment,
[15:37] HB
    the police force underwent a complete change.
[15:39] HB
    All that sounds well and good,
[15:41] HB
    but all it means is that Lord Nobunobu
    eliminated those who opposed him,
[15:44] HB
    leaving only his soldiers.
[15:46] HB
    People who had been under Lord
    Shigeshige's patronage got purged,
[15:50] HB
    and those who weren't purged ended up
    unemployed or assigned to dead-end jobs.
[15:56] HB
    And the Shinsengumi were disbanded,
    splitting everyone up.
[16:00] HB
    Edo no longer has a hard-boiled
    group of watchdogs...
[16:05] HB
    It no longer has a Shinsengumi.
[16:15] Gin
    Hold it right there.
[16:17] Gin
    What's the meaning of this?
[16:18] Gin
    Gorilla, you...
[16:20] Nobume
    Too bad.
[16:22] Nobume
    I thought there'd be sword fights,
    but the others are away.
[16:27] Nobume
    Would you like to take me on instead?
[16:30] Gin
    Depending on your answer, I'd be
    glad to dye that uniform blood red.
[16:35] Gin
    What's the meaning of this?
[16:37] Nob
    What a surprise.
[16:38] Nob
    You were always at odds with them.
[16:41] Nob
    And yet here you are, making that face.
[16:43] Nob
    Did sharing the sin of letting the shogun die
[16:46] Nob
    develop a sense of camaraderie between you?
[16:49] Nob
    He must be smiling up in heaven.
[16:52] Nob
    You lost something that
    meant the world to you,
[16:54] Nob
    but you've recovered to the point
    where you hold something dear again.
[16:58] Gin
    You're unusually talkative today.
[17:01] Gin
    What the hell do you know about me?
[17:04] Nob
    Nothing.
[17:05] Nob
    But if you don't want to lose it all again,
[17:09] Nob
    then don't you have something else to do?
[17:11] Nob
    That man probably knew
[17:14] Nob
    that the Shinsengumi wouldn't last long
    in Lord Nobunobu's administration.
[17:19] Nob
    If he were to be arrested
    in front of the squad,
[17:21] Nob
    they definitely wouldn't take it lying down.
[17:24] Nob
    That's why he put them on funeral detail.
[17:27] Nob
    But he called you alone here.
[17:30] Nob
    You should know what that means.
[17:35] (Flashback) Kon
    Give Toshi and the others a message for me.
[17:38] (Flashback) Kon
    Tell them not to do anything stupid,
    and that Edo still needs them.
SIGN    Mimawarigumi
[17:52] (Flashback) Kon
    Well, I've passed the torch.
[18:35] Gin
    Forgive me.
[18:47] G
    This is bullshit!
[18:48] G
    What crimes has the chief committed?
[18:50] G
    Is Nobunobu trying to make him take the
    fall for the shogun's assassination?!
[18:55] G
    Let's raid Nobunobu's place!
[18:58] G
    The Shinsengumi will be destroyed anyway!
[19:00] G
    Then let's use our lives to save our general!
[19:04] All
    Yeah!
[19:11] Hij
    Even so,
[19:12] Hij
    he told us to live.
[19:15] Hij
    The Shinsengumi organization may
    disappear, and we may be torn apart,
[19:21] Hij
    but we each have to do what we can
    as members of the Shinsengumi.
[19:26] Hij
    Isn't that what Kondo-san said?
[19:32] Oki
    Even if it means walking over his corpse?
[19:35] Oki
    Is it really worth it, Hijikata-san?
[19:39] Oki
    If we have to watch Kondo-san die,
[19:42] Oki
    is there any point in serving this
    rotten bakufu and being samurai?
[19:48] Oki
    Do we still have to protect Edo, even then?
[19:52] Oki
    I say to hell with that.
[19:56] Oki
    If we can't protect our general
    after failing to protect the shogun,
[20:00] Oki
    then we're no longer samurai.
[20:02] Oki
    Just cowards.
[20:10] Hij
    Do what you want.
[20:12] Hij
    If that's your brand of Shinsengumi,
    then I won't stop you.
[20:17] All
    Vice Chief!
[20:19] Hij
    I can't tell who's right at this point.
[20:23] Hij
    But just like you guys,
    I don't want to let Kondo-san die.
[20:30] Hij
    And just like Kondo-san,
    I don't want to let you guys die.
[20:36] Hij
    I don't have the authority
    to tie you down anymore.
[20:39] Hij
    The demonic vice chief and
    Shinsengumi code are no more.
[20:42] Hij
    But if there's still something
    that ties down your hearts,
[20:47] Hij
    then I'm sure that's the most
    important thing to the Shinsengumi.
[20:53] Hij
    Believe in that and fight.
[20:56] Hij
    No matter what path it takes you down,
[21:01] Hij
    you guys are Shinsengumi.
[21:22] Oki
    That's just cheating.
[21:25] Oki
    When the demon gives us a look like that,
[21:28] Oki
    we can't do anything.
[21:36] Hij
    It's raining, huh?
[21:38] Oki
    Yeesh.
[21:40] Oki
    Being homeless is tough.
SIGN    Farewell Shinsengumi Arc
    Part One
SIGN    The Day the Demon Cried
SIGN    Preview
[23:26] Hij
    I can't do anything.
[23:30] Gin
    Forget something?
[23:31] Kag
    We know that you're cops.
[23:35] Oki
    I'm going with him.
[23:37] Kat
    The promise we made as friends...
[23:40] Kat
    I'll definitely fulfill it.
[23:43] Hij
    Kondo-san, I'll be honest.
SIGN    Gintama Farewell Shinsengumi Arc
SIGN    So this week marks the start of
SIGN    the "Farewell Shinsengumi Arc."
SIGN    Don't miss the soulful screams
SIGN    of the samurai who crawl and fight.

E309 - Farewell Shinsengumi Arc Part Two: Heroes Always Arrive Fashionably Late

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:03] Kat
    Shogun...
[00:05] Kat
    We were always at odds as enemies,
[00:09] Kat
    but we shared the same ambition
    to make this a better country.
[00:14] Kat
    I couldn't put an end to
    you with my own hands,
[00:17] Kat
    so I failed to keep the
    promise I made as an enemy.
[00:22] Kat
    But the promise we made as friends
    who pursued the same ambition...
[00:28] Kat
    I'll definitely fulfill it.
SIGN    Farewell Shinsengumi Arc
    Part Two
SIGN    Heroes Always Arrive Fashionably Late
SIGN    Kodokan Dojo
SIGN    Watch the Farewell Shinsengumi Arc in a bright
    room and at a safe distance from your TV!!
[02:15] Tae
    Well, I have to head to work now.
[02:20] Tae
    So you're staying home again today?
[02:25] Tae
    If you decide to go to Odd Jobs,
    make sure to lock up, okay?
[02:30] Shin
    Sis.
[02:32] Shin
    Don't worry. There's no
    need to lock up anymore.
[02:38] Shin
    Above the ceiling,
[02:40] Shin
    under the overhang,
[02:42] Shin
    the shadows of the walls,
[02:45] Shin
    and the shadows of utility poles
[02:48] Shin
    are all free of that gorilla stalker now.
[02:53] Shin
    But then, why is it
[02:58] Shin
    that life's not the least bit fun?
[03:03] HB1
    A long time ago, some idiot asked me this:
SIGN    Snack Smile
[03:08] HB1
    If I could take any one thing I like to
    a deserted island, what would I take?
[03:14] HB1
    I answered thusly...
[03:17] HB1
    "Camus."
[03:19] HB1
    People live on the water they drink.
[03:21] HB1
    But men live on booze.
[03:25] HB1
    After all, it goes perfectly with anything.
[03:28] HB1
    Be it bar snacks, meat, women,
[03:32] HB1
    bitching, or whining.
[03:35] HB1
    Men get through life by mixing
    all things good or bad
[03:38] HB1
    with their drinks and gulping them down.
[03:43] HB1
    That said,
[03:45] HB1
    there is just one combination
    that doesn't work.
[03:49] HB1
    Booze and bozos.
[03:51] Gin
    Damn, quit drinking with a gloomy face.
[03:53] Gin
    You're making my booze taste bad. Get out.
[03:56] Hij
    Booze is for drinking when
    you're gloomy. You get out.
[04:00] Hij
    Why are you at my welcome party, anyway?
[04:03] Gin
    These guys dragged me here,
    saying they'd treat me to free booze.
[04:06] Gin
    I wouldn't subject myself to your soppy,
    rainy-season bllsack of a mug otherwise.
[04:10] Hij
    Whose face are you calling a bllsack?
[04:12] Hij
    That's rich, coming from a forever
    droopy, parched bllsack of a mug.
[04:16] Gin
    A parched bllsack's more hygienic
    than a soppy one, you bllsack!
[04:21] Hij
    There's nothing hygienic
    about blls, you bllsack!
[04:24] HB2
    Good thing we brought
    Gin-san along, huh, Boss?
[04:28] HB2
    The vice chief was down in the dumps,
    but he's full of energy now.
[04:32] HB1
    I guess there's one more thing*
    I'd take to a deserted island.
[04:35] HB1
    Perhaps men need a rival to
    bust their blls at all times.
[04:41] Tae
    You can't call that a
    deserted island anymore.
[04:43] Tae
    And what do blls have to do with anything?
SIGN    Gahhh
[04:46] Tae
    Could you knock it off?
[04:48] Tae
    If you're going to make a scene,
    I'll have to ask you to leave.
[04:50] HB1
    Before that,
[04:52] HB1
    could you stop deciphering my hard-boiled
    monologues and weaponizing them?
[04:57] Tae
    But if you really do want to drink,
[05:02] Tae
    I've got all night.
[05:06] Hij
    There's no way I'd get drunk if
    you served me with that sad look.
[05:11] Hij
    If you have questions, ask me when sober
    instead of setting up a party as an excuse.
[05:16] Hij
    Though I'm afraid I don't
    have any answers to give you.
[05:19] Hij
    I mean, I've got no idea what to do myself.
[05:26] Hij
    Due to that, my comrades
    have all drifted apart.
[05:28] Hij
    Demonic Vice Chief, my ass.
[05:32] Hij
    Without him,
[05:35] Hij
    I can't do anything.
[05:37] Sas
    That's not true.
[05:40] Sas
    You're doing well.
[05:43] Sas
    Even though you lost everything
    due to your foolish bosses,
[05:47] Sas
    you're still working as a cop,
    doing whatever you can for Edo.
[05:53] Sas
    Allow me to offer you a word of praise
    as the Commissioner-General of Police,
[05:58] Sas
    loser.
[06:01] Nb
    I thought I told you to forget
    about work today, Sasaki.
[06:06] Nb
    Sneaking into town to get a
    peek at the lives of plebeians
[06:11] Nb
    was a hobby of the previous shogun,
    Lord Shigeshige, was it not?
[06:15] Nb
    Then I shall follow suit.
[06:19] Nb
    Continue drinking as you were.
[06:21] Nb
    Tonight, consider me merely Nobunobu.
[06:25] Nb
    Let me hear you mongrels howl.
[06:32] J
    You're Okita Sogo of the
    Shinsengumi, correct?
[06:40] Oki
    Go away. You've got the wrong person.
[06:42] J
    Come with us quietly—
[06:44] Oki
    Didn't you hear me?
[06:46] Oki
    I'm sayin' that doesn't exist anymore.
[06:50] Oki
    Or what?
[06:52] Oki
    Did you flies swarm here thinkin' you
    could get revenge now that we've split up?
[06:58] Oki
    Right now, I'm just a manslayer on the loose.
[07:02] Oki
    Instead of sending you pigs to the sty,
    I'll throw you into the hotpot called hell.
[07:07] Oki
    And now that I don't have any jobs or
    duties to worry about, I'll do it my way.
[07:11] J
    You—
[07:15] Kag
    Outta the way.
[07:19] Kag
    You're hindering our walk.
SIGN    Snack Smile
[07:22] Nb
    I have booked this entire place tonight.
[07:26] Nb
    Drink to your heart's content, everyone.
[07:34] Nb
    Drink up.
[07:37] Nb
    Join me in raising a toast to Lord
    Shigeshige's happiness in the afterlife.
[07:42] Nb
    Or would you rather toast to
    your boss's afterlife instead?
[07:47] Sas
    You're jumping the gun, Nobunobu-sama.
[07:50] Sas
    Matsudaira Katakuriko and Kondo Isao
    don't get executed for another five days.
[07:54] Sas
    Those under their patronage
    may yet stage a rebellion.
[07:58] Sas
    I told you to forget about work today.
[08:02] Sas
    And I've already hunted down everyone
    who could rebel against me.
[08:07] Sas
    To confirm that,
[08:08] Sas
    how about we put him in charge of security
    for the execution and see what happens?
[08:12] Sas
    It would be rather amusing to make a man
    oversee his former boss's execution.
[08:17] Sas
    And it would be the perfect opportunity
    to test his loyalty to me.
[08:22] Sas
    If he were to shed a single tear,
[08:24] Sas
    we could put him in charge of security
    for his other comrades' executions, too.
[08:31] Sas
    What's the matter?
[08:33] Sas
    You still won't drink?
[08:37] Sas
    Are you saying you won't
    drink what I offer you?
[08:46] Sas
    That is understandable.
[08:48] Sas
    This vulgar liquid can
    hardly be called alcohol.
[08:52] G
    W-We're terribly sorry!
[08:54] G
    Lord Shigeshige seemed to like this one...
[08:58] Nb
    I see.
[08:59] Nb
    I'm sorry, but could I ask
    you to dispose of these?
[09:01] G
    R-Right away!
[09:03] Nb
    Not that.
[09:05] Nb
    I meant disposing of you two.
[09:12] Nb
    Did you really think I would be
    satisfied by the same things as him?
[09:16] Nb
    I, Tokugawa Nobunobu, am the man
    who will bring about a new era.
[09:20] Nb
    Thus, my alcohol, women, and subordinates
    must far surpass their predecessors.
[09:27] Nb
    If you do not have fine wine,
    bring me fine women.
[09:30] Tae
    What the hell are you people doing?
[09:35] Tae
    Hurting innocent folk one after another,
[09:39] Tae
    changing the world to what suits you best...
[09:43] Tae
    New era?
[09:45] Tae
    Who in their right mind would
    follow people like you?!
[09:49] Tae
    If you don't protect the populace
    that keeps the country afloat,
[09:51] Tae
    how can you call yourself a shogun?
[09:52] Tae
    How can you call yourself police?!
[09:54] HB1
    Otae-chan!
[09:57] Nb
    This is my new era.
[10:00] Nb
    Which means that incompetent police who can
    protect the populace but not the shogun
[10:07] Nb
    and incompetent shoguns who die
    unable to protect the country
[10:13] Nb
    have no place here.
[10:19] Nb
    Nor do the foolish people
    who oppose this new era.
[10:28] Tae
    Real police...
[10:31] Tae
    Real samurai wouldn't do this.
[10:36] Tae
    That man
[10:40] Tae
    would never do something like this.
[11:06] Gin
    Save that punch for the idiot
    boss who left you guys behind.
[11:18] Gin
    This isn't a matter for you cops.
[11:23] Gin
    A drunk is best punched by another drunk.
[11:49] C
    Y-You knave!
[11:50] C
    What have you done to the shogun?!
[11:54] Sas
    Hello?
[11:55] Sas
    Are you alive, Nobunobu-sama?
[11:58] Sas
    Mind if I take this chance
    to exchange email addresses?
SIGN    To: Nobutas The shogun got his teeth bashed in again lol
[12:02] Sas
    Sheesh. Just when your wounds from
    before had almost healed, too.
[12:06] Sas
    How sad.
[12:09] Sas
    Sakata-san...
[12:10] Sas
    I never expected you to
    act out before Hijikata-san.
[12:15] Sas
    For a worthless reason,
[12:17] Sas
    you went and committed a sin that a hundred
    disembowelments couldn't atone for.
[12:22] Gin
    Are you kidding me?
[12:24] Gin
    I'm in the running for that moronic
    lord's most loyal retainer.
[12:28] Gin
    "I wanna forget all about
    work and drink tonight."
[12:32] Gin
    That's what the man lying there,
    merely Nobunobu-san, said.
[12:36] Gin
    All I did was play along.
[12:40] Gin
    You wanted to know how we plebs live, right?
[12:43] Gin
    Down here, bite someone and they'll bite back.
[12:47] Gin
    It's common sense.
[12:50] Gin
    Don't be swinging your fist down at people
    if you're not ready to get punched.
[12:55] Gin
    Tell your ignorant little rich boy that,
[12:59] Gin
    you lapdogs.
[13:02] Oki
    Hey.
[13:03] Oki
    What's the meaning of this?
[13:06] Oki
    Don't you see the situation?
[13:09] Oki
    What did you come here to do?
[13:11] Kag
    Aren't you a policeman?
[13:13] Kag
    At least deal with the traffic, then.
[13:16] Kag
    I can't even walk my dog like this.
[13:19] Oki
    There's no policeman here.
[13:22] Oki
    Haven't you heard? We've already—
[13:25] Kag
    If you've already disbanded,
[13:27] Kag
    why are you still wearing that?
[13:31] Kag
    I heard that you protected
    Soyo-chan back then.
[13:37] Kag
    From that pain-in-the-ass moron.
[13:41] Oki
    It means nothing when I couldn't
    protect the one who mattered most.
[13:45] Oki
    The princess probably resents me, too,
[13:48] Oki
    as nothing but a manslayer who
    couldn't protect her brother.
[13:52] Kag
    Well, she did nothing but curse you,
[13:55] Kag
    saying she couldn't eat liver
    or offal anymore because of you.
[14:00] Kag
    As long as it's not those two, she says
    she'll book a restaurant up your alley,
[14:04] Kag
    and to let her know what you
    like before she invites you.
[14:09] Kag
    The Shinsengumi may be gone,
[14:11] Kag
    but that doesn't change the fact
    that there are lives you've saved.
[14:17] Kag
    It doesn't change the fact
    that you protected two girls.
[14:23] Kag
    Don't worry.
[14:25] Kag
    Even if you don't wear that outfit, we know.
[14:30] Kag
    We know that you...
[14:32] Kag
    That you guys are cops.
[14:36] Kag
    No matter what you all do from
    now on, we know the Shinsengumi.
[14:43] Kag
    So quit moping around in a place like this.
[14:46] Kag
    Go break the gorilla out of
    his cage or deal with traffic.
[14:49] Kag
    Just do your job already.
[14:51] Oki
    Wait, are you cheering me up right now?
[14:55] Oki
    Did you think I was depressed?
[14:57] Kag
    As if.
[14:58] Kag
    I'm just telling you to change out of
    those rags already 'cause they stink.
[15:02] Oki
    That settles it.
[15:04] Oki
    I'm never taking my uniform off again.
[15:06] Oki
    I sure as hell ain't gonna
    do what you tell me.
[15:09] Oki
    Hear that, scrubs?
[15:11] Oki
    So long as I still wear this uniform,
[15:14] Oki
    the Shinsengumi won't die.
[15:18] Oki
    As such, you guys are gonna
    be massacred either way!
[15:21] J
    Nothing's changed!
[15:23] J
    Would you listen to us?! We're—
[15:25] Oki
    Too late to beg for your lives!
[15:26] Kag
    You're hindering our walk!
[15:28] Ymz
    Wait! Hold on, Captain Okita!
[15:32] Sas
    I see.
[15:34] Sas
    The shogun may change, and so may the era,
[15:37] Sas
    but fools will stay fools, huh?
[15:41] Sas
    Release her.
[15:44] Sas
    Treat the wounded.
[15:47] Sas
    True, Nobunobu-sama went too far tonight.
[15:51] Sas
    Rather than let the new government's
    reputation get even worse,
[15:57] Sas
    it'd save time to have a single
    fool take all the blame.
[16:00] Tae
    Gin-san!
[16:13] Sas
    What are you doing, Hijikata-san?
[16:16] HB2
    We can't let you take him away.
[16:20] HB2
    If we kept quiet here,
[16:21] HB2
    we wouldn't be cops anymore,
    let alone hard-boiled.
[16:25] HB2
    Right, Boss?
[16:27] HB1
    Regardless of who you're up against,
[16:30] HB1
    if we can't tell who we should punish
    and who we should protect,
[16:34] HB1
    we cops are done for.
[16:37] HB1
    You guys are the weird ones here.
[16:39] HB1
    At this rate, this country will
    fall to ruin, Commissioner-General.
[16:45] HB1
    I gulped down those words
    along with my Camus.
[16:49] HB1
    There are some things men can't say out loud.
[16:52] HB2
    Don't hide in your
    hard-boiled monologues now!
[16:54] Sas
    Do you know why humans have
    survived for five billion years
[16:58] Sas
    in Earth's ever-changing environment?
[17:02] Sas
    It's because we adapt.
[17:04] Sas
    To put it in terms simple enough
    for you non-elites to understand,
[17:07] Sas
    when a new Sentai series begins, you go,
[17:10] Sas
    "I won't accept this! Bioman was better,"
[17:13] Sas
    every time, don't you?
[17:15] Sas
    But by the time the series ends,
[17:17] Sas
    you find it hard to say
    goodbye to Changeman as well.
[17:19] Sas
    Humans have survived this long by adapting
    to all kinds of changes like that.
[17:23] Sas
    Yes, the heroes this time
    don't protect the weak.
[17:27] Sas
    But you'll get used to it eventually.
[17:29] Sas
    No, you have no choice but to get used to it.
[17:32] Sas
    Because as much as you might
    lament or fight that fact,
[17:34] Sas
    the old era, and the old heroes,
    won't ever come back.
[17:38] Sas
    If you don't adapt, you'll just walk the
    path of destruction, like the Shinsengumi.
[17:46] Hij
    If I may, Commissioner-General,
[17:48] Hij
    none of us has died yet.
[17:51] Sas
    That is if you stay put
    right there, Hijikata-san.
[17:57] Sas
    If you so much as lift a finger,
[17:59] Sas
    you and your comrades will
    vanish from history as traitors.
[18:04] Sas
    It should be clear to you now...
[18:08] Sas
    You can no longer be heroes.
[18:20] Kat
    Are you leaving, sirs?
[18:21] Kat
    But you haven't partaken of your orders yet.
[18:23] Kat
    I was just bringing them to you.
SIGN    Nasty Stick
[18:27] Sas
    I don't recall ever ordering those.
[18:31] Kat
    Oh...
[18:33] Kat
    It was the customer who was sitting
    over there until just now,
[18:38] Kat
    a man in his tighty-whities,
    who ordered them for you.
[18:42] Sas
    Tighty-whities?
[18:44] Kat
    We've already been paid for them,
    so there's no need for that.
[18:49] Kat
    We don't expect anything from the
    bakufu or the police anymore.
[18:55] Kat
    Because there's a hero right here.
[19:04] Oki
    What's going on here?
[19:07] Oki
    Why are you guys with Joi Rebels?
[19:11] Oki
    Hey, Yamazaki. What are you playing at?
[19:14] Ymz
    Why are you singling me out?
[19:16] Ymz
    You always treat me like an extra,
    but you single me out now?!
[19:18] Oki
    Depending on your answer,
    somebody's gonna get hurt real bad.
[19:20] Oki
    You.
[19:23] Ymz
    Y-You've got it wrong, Captain Okita!
[19:25] Ymz
    Hey, say something!
SIGN    Something
SIGN    Something
[19:29] Ymz
    I didn't ask you to break
    out that classic gag!
[19:31] Kag
    Eli?
[19:32] Oki
    You guys are with Katsura?!
SIGN    Calm down, Sogo-kun.
[19:35] Oki
    Shimaru-niisan...
SIGN    There's a reason for this.
SIGN    The thing is...
SIGN    The thing is...
[19:39] Oki
    Uh...
SIGN    Listen to me!
SIGN    No, listen to me!
SIGN    No, me!
[19:41] Oki
    Hey...
SIGN    I said me, damn it!
SIGN    My story's better!
SIGN    Mine's deeper!
SIGN    Mine's more serious!
[19:43] Oki
    Your characters and placards are overlapping
    too much for me to understand.
SIGN    Mine's sharper!
SIGN    Mine's more awesome!
SIGN    You're seriously annoying!
SIGN    Shut it, my former pet!
SIGN    Get lost, my former owner!
SIGN    But you loved me so much!
SIGN    I was obviously pretending.
SIGN    You tricked me?!
SIGN    Fool you once, shame on you.
SIGN    Say what?!
SIGN    Takes one to know one!
SIGN    Stupid! Stupid!
SIGN    Anyway, we mean you no harm.
[19:50] Oki
    Uh, you're not the least bit convincing.
SIGN    We come here not as Shinsengumi or Joi Rebels.
SIGN    We came to talk as simply samurai.
[20:09] C
    It's a smokescreen!
[20:11] Kat
    Hurry up and go.
[20:14] Kat
    Gintoki...
[20:17] Kat
    Let us meet at dawn.
[20:22] Gin
    What's that bastard playing at?!
[20:33] Kon
    A newcomer?
[20:35] Kon
    You must be quite the heinous
    criminal to get thrown in here.
[20:41] Kon
    What did you do?
[20:44] Kat
    Beats me.
[20:45] Kat
    I don't think I did anything wrong,
[20:49] Kat
    but if I had to say, it'd be that I
    picked a huge fight with the country.
[20:53] Kon
    I see.
[20:54] Kon
    I'm the opposite.
[20:57] Kon
    I thought I was protecting the country,
    but ended up in here before I knew it.
[21:01] Kon
    How ironic.
[21:02] Kon
    We'd be enemies if we met outside,
[21:04] Kon
    but in here, we're fellow inmates
    tied to the same prison.
[21:10] Kon
    Well, this relationship won't last too long.
[21:12] Kon
    How about we let bygones
    be bygones and get along?
[21:16] Kat
    It is as you say.
[21:19] Kat
    At this point, the outside world
    is the same as this place.
[21:22] Kat
    Everyone is an inmate, tied
    to a prison we call the state.
[21:26] Kat
    If we don't forget about allies,
    enemies, grudges, and fight as one,
[21:31] Kat
    the country itself will be executed.
[21:34] Kat
    Joi Rebels alone cannot
    overturn this situation.
[21:39] Kat
    So let me ask you as well,
[21:42] Kat
    Shinsengumi Chief, Kondo Isao.
[21:47] Kat
    Lend me your strength, so that
    we might protect this country.
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Preview
[23:25] Hij
    We can't protect anything.
[23:28] Oki
    Article 4 of the Shinsengumi Code:
[23:31] Oki
    "When the Chief is away, the Vice Chief
    will have full control of the squad."
[23:37] Gin
    It's still not too late.
[23:38] Kat
    If you have something to protect,
[23:40] Kat
    then break out of that crooked cage.
[23:43] Mat
    Who's the crazy one here?
SIGN    Farewell Shinsengumi Arc
    Part Three
SIGN    Lost and Found
SIGN    Katsura enters the prison where Kondo's being held
SIGN    as a fellow inmate.
SIGN    Meanwhile, Hijikata still hasn't shaken off his despair.
SIGN    Will he be able to rise again?

E310 - Farewell Shinsengumi Arc Part Three: Lost and Found

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:03] Kon
    Y-You're...
[00:05] Kon
    Why are you here?
[00:08] Kat
    I'm going to save this country.
[00:10] Kat
    But for that, Kondo,
[00:13] Kat
    I need your help.
[00:15] Kat
    And to get out of this predicament,
[00:20] Kat
    you need my,
[00:22] Kat
    Kotaro the Runaway's, help.
[00:26] Kon
    You...
[00:28] Kat
    Kondo, I shall get you out of here.
[00:32] Kat
    So save this country with me.
SIGN    Farewell Shinsengumi Arc
    Part Three
SIGN    Lost and Found
[02:15] Nob
    Katsura?
[02:16] Sas
    Yes.
SIGN    Watch the Farewell Shinsengumi Arc in a bright
    room and at a safe distance from your TV!!
[02:17] Sas
    The ringleader of the Joi Rebels,
[02:21] Sas
    who boasts nicknames such as "The Rampaging
    Youth" and "Kotaro the Runaway."
[02:24] Sas
    I've long wanted to see
    what kind of man he was,
[02:27] Sas
    but his end was disappointingly abrupt.
[02:31] Nob
    He wasn't after Lord Nobunobu's life?
[02:34] Nob
    Are you saying
[02:36] Nob
    that he was there to save that man?
[02:40] Nob
    Either way,
[02:42] Nob
    we reeled in an unexpectedly
    big fish with cheap bait.
[02:45] Nob
    Although I was targeting a different one,
[02:49] Nob
    playing along with the rowdy shogun who
    wanted to show off his newfound power
[02:53] Nob
    proved worthwhile.
[02:55] Nob
    Fortunately, he seems to have lost
    his memories of the incident,
[02:58] Nob
    and doesn't remember that
    we let Sakata-san escape.
[03:03] Nob
    Let's have the old guard
    take the fall for all of it.
[03:10] Nob
    Matsudaira Katakuriko, Kondo Isao,
[03:14] Nob
    and now Katsura Kotaro.
[03:16] Nob
    We can take the heads of the men who starred
    in the previous era in one fell swoop.
[03:20] Nob
    It's the perfect way to ring in
    the new era, don't you think?
[03:24] Nob
    And what exactly are we going
    to do in this "new era"?
[03:29] Nob
    With no allies or enemies,
[03:32] Nob
    are we just going to sit on our
    backsides like you are now,
[03:34] Nob
    perched atop this derelict nation?
[03:36] Nob
    Is that it?
[03:38] Sas
    It's actually a pretty
    comfortable seat, you know.
[03:41] Sas
    Would you like to try sitting
    in the command chair yourself?
[03:47] Sas
    I'd rather grovel in the dirt than sit there.
[03:56] Sas
    Sheesh.
[03:57] Sas
    What a hasty girl.
[04:02] Sas
    I haven't forgotten.
[04:06] Sas
    Both you and I were born in the dirt.
[04:12] Sas
    And that is where we'll eventually end up.
[04:19] Kon
    What's this?
[04:20] Kat
    Once I give the signal, take that pill.
[04:24] Kat
    It'll let you die without having to wait
    for your execution three days from now.
[04:28] Kat
    That said, it'll only be a
    suspended animation of sorts.
[04:32] Kat
    If we can fool the guards...
[04:34] (Flashback) G
    The gorilla's dead!
[04:35] Kat
    Then even if the doors to Hell don't open,
[04:37] Kat
    we can at least force these
    prison cage doors open.
[04:40] Kon
    W-Wait!
[04:42] Kon
    What are you playing at?
[04:44] Kon
    Are you saying that you, a Joi Rebel,
[04:45] Kon
    got yourself arrested so you could
    break the Shinsengumi Chief,
[04:49] Kon
    your archenemy, out of prison?!
[04:51] Kat
    Relax.
[04:52] Kat
    To me, a prison is no different
    from the neighborhood diner.
[04:56] Kat
    It's simply a place to enjoy free food.
[04:58] Kon
    Uh, diners aren't free!
[04:59] Kon
    Have you been eating and running?!
[05:01] Kat
    So all I'm doing is
[05:02] Kat
    returning the gorilla I found eating
    at the diner to its cage at the zoo.
[05:07] Kon
    In the end, the gorilla's back in a cage?!
[05:11] Kon
    I don't know what you're planning,
[05:13] Kon
    but I can't let things escalate.
[05:15] Kon
    It'll cause trouble for
    Toshi and the rest outside.
[05:18] Kat
    No need to worry about that, either.
[05:20] Kat
    By now, your men must have joined up
    with Elizabeth to plot our rescue.
[05:26] Kon
    Were you even listening to me?!
[05:30] Kon
    What do you mean, "joined up"?
[05:32] Kon
    Don't tell me you got them involved, as well?
[05:34] Kon
    If they do that, they'll all lose their heads!
[05:37] Kon
    Even if they succeed, who's going
    to protect Edo in the future?!
[05:41] Kat
    As things are now, you can't protect anything.
[05:45] Kat
    Not even the woman you fell for.
[05:48] Kon
    Did something happen to Otae-san?!
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
SIGN    Snack Otose
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[06:18] Tae
    I'm sorry.
[06:20] Tae
    First the Shinsengumi, now Odd Jobs...
[06:24] Tae
    If only I hadn't done something so stupid...
[06:28] Tae
    I'm so sorry, guys!
[06:31] Kag
    It's not your fault, boss lady.
[06:33] Shin
    Yeah. If you want to blame someone...
[06:35] Hij
    ...blame us police, who couldn't do anything.
[06:41] Tae
    Hijikata-san.
[06:47] Hij
    We can't do anything.
[06:56] Hij
    Kondo-san staked his life to leave us this.
SIGN    Special Police Shinsengumi
[07:04] Hij
    But if things stay the same,
[07:06] Hij
    if we remain cops,
[07:09] Hij
    we won't be able to protect
    Kondo-san, Edo, or anything else.
SIGN    Special Police Shinsengumi
[07:17] Kag
    Then are you gonna throw away that ID
[07:20] Kag
    and join hands with Joi
    Rebels to fight the nation?
[07:26] Hij
    Is that their plan?
[07:31] Kag
    They said they'd team up with anyone if
    it meant they could save the gorilla.
[07:35] Kag
    But...
[07:37] Oki
    I can't move.
[07:42] Oki
    Article 4 of the Shinsengumi Code:
[07:45] Oki
    "When the Chief is away, the Vice Chief
    will have full control of the squad."
[07:51] Oki
    "The troops are to follow his orders."
[07:56] Oki
    I won't move a finger until
    that bastard gives an order.
[08:04] Oki
    We've come this far together.
[08:06] Oki
    Whether we go to save
    Kondo-san, or abandon him,
[08:11] Oki
    I'm going with that bastard.
[08:30] Kat
    Act now, and there'll be no going back.
[08:33] Kat
    But if you stay as lapdogs of this country,
[08:37] Kat
    you won't be able to protect
    anyone from this country.
[08:41] Kat
    If you all die upholding rotten laws,
[08:45] Kat
    you can't save your comrades,
    your loved ones, or this country.
[08:51] Kat
    If there is something you want to protect,
[08:53] Kat
    then break out of that crooked cage.
[09:01] Kat
    If there is something you can't protect,
[09:04] Kat
    then break free of those rusted
    shackles tying you down.
[09:11] Kat
    Have you all continued to
    hold your swords all this while
[09:14] Kat
    because of some fragile law
    that changes with the times?
[09:20] Kat
    Nay!
SIGN    Special Police Shinsengumi
[09:23] Kat
    I believe it's the ironclad rules
    that you swore unto your souls:
[09:27] Kat
    the Shinsengumi Code!
[09:46] Gin
    Forget something?
[09:49] Hij
    Yeah.
[09:52] Hij
    But if I take it back, that'll be the end.
[09:56] Hij
    If I open these doors,
[09:59] Hij
    I'll never be able to come back here again.
[10:08] Gin
    Same as me.
[10:11] Gin
    A long time ago, I went
    through something similar.
[10:16] Gin
    There were two things I wanted to protect.
[10:19] Gin
    I didn't wanna lose either one.
[10:23] Gin
    But I ended up in a situation where if
    I didn't throw one away, I'd lose both.
[10:37] Hij
    Which did you choose?
[10:42] Gin
    I tried to protect both.
[10:45] Gin
    But it was the same as
    throwing them both away.
[10:51] Gin
    I still dream about it,
[10:54] Gin
    and wonder if there was a
    better way to go about it.
[11:01] Gin
    But there's no need for
    you to hesitate, is there?
[11:09] Gin
    It's still not too late.
[11:52] Gin
    You can still protect both.
[11:56] Gin
    You can...
[11:59] Gin
    You all can.
[12:04] Oki
    You forgot something, Vice Chief.
[12:06] Oki
    Change into that and give us our orders already.
[12:19] Hij
    Should go without saying.
[12:26] Hij
    Whoever scribbled on my uniform, kill yourself!
SIGN    Die
SIGN    Looks like you're prepared.
[12:59] Hij
    Prepared for what?
[13:02] Hij
    To cross swords with you guys?
[13:05] Hij
    Did you really think the Shinsengumi
    and Joi Rebels could join hands?
[13:10] Hij
    Neither side can forget all the hatred
    that's built up over the years.
[13:15] Hij
    So long as you are Joi Rebels
[13:19] Hij
    and we are Shinsengumi,
[13:26] Hij
    we're fated to clash.
[13:33] Hij
    Which means this joint operation
[13:37] Hij
    will be our final battle.
[13:42] Hij
    There's no going back for either of us.
[13:47] Hij
    There's no need to forget
    our hatred or who we are.
[13:49] Hij
    You guys just swing your
    swords as Joi Rebels.
[13:53] Hij
    We'll swing our swords as
    Shinsengumi to the very end.
[13:59] Hij
    And in this "new era" to come,
[14:03] Hij
    if we as nobodies happen to run
    into other moronic nobodies,
[14:08] Hij
    then instead of crossing swords,
[14:10] Hij
    let's share a drink or two...
[14:12] Hij
    Along with our generals!
[14:15] All
    Yeah!
[14:19] Kon
    They'll die...
[14:20] Kon
    If they do something like that, they'll all die.
[14:23] Kon
    Both my men and yours will die in vain!
[14:29] Kon
    All for someone like me...
[14:30] Kat
    Nobody's going to die.
[14:33] Kat
    For I know all too well how
    tough the Shinsengumi are.
[14:38] Kat
    And you should know all too well
    how tenacious Joi Rebels are.
[14:43] Kat
    If the Shinsengumi and Joi Rebels join hands,
[14:47] Kat
    then we have nothing to fear,
    be it the country or anything else.
[14:51] Kat
    And while we may stand
    on opposite sides, Kondo,
[14:55] Kat
    surely we share the same desire
    to fight for our country.
[15:01] Mat
    Good grief.
[15:04] Mat
    There was a guy who said
    something similar before...
[15:07] Mat
    To you, Katsura.
[15:10] Mat
    What's the world coming to?
[15:13] Mat
    I mean, the nation's shogun and the nation's
    most wanted, spouting the same nonsense?
[15:20] Mat
    Who's the crazy one here?
[15:23] Kon
    Pops!
[15:27] Kat
    That crazy man and I shared a promise...
[15:30] (Flashback) Sho
    Katsura.
[15:34] (Flashback) Sho
    The next time we meet,
[15:35] (Flashback) Sho
    one of us will be dead, but...
[15:38] (Flashback) Zu
    ...the one still alive will
    create the brand new world.
[15:42] (Flashback) Zu
    No objections here.
[15:44] Mat
    Damn, both were crazy.
[15:48] Mat
    Hurry up and pass me that pill too, Katsura.
[15:52] Kon
    P-Pops?!
[15:53] Mat
    Now that we're up against an entire nation,
[15:56] Mat
    there's no point in squabbling
    over who is on whose side.
[16:02] Mat
    If someone can help me
    smoke another cigarette,
[16:05] Mat
    then I don't care if they're Enma or Buddha.
[16:08] Mat
    They're my ally.
[16:11] Kat
    Like lord, like retainer, I see.
[16:14] Kat
    Very well.
[16:16] Kat
    Then let us go together,
[16:18] Kat
    as that man's former enemy
    and former retainers,
[16:22] Kat
    to the place he dreamed of...
[16:26] Kat
    To a new dawn for this country!
[16:42] Kon
    Katsura!
[16:45] Kon
    What the hell is he doing?!
[16:47] Kon
    He randomly showed up to save us and
    randomly went into suspended animation!
[16:50] Mat
    Hey, what are we going to do?
[16:52] Mat
    We haven't heard a thing about
    the prison break plan yet.
[16:54] Mat
    Wake him up at once!
[16:56] Mat
    How the hell am I supposed to wake
    up a guy in suspended animation?!
[16:59] Mat
    Wake up, Zura!
SIGN    I'm not Zura. I'm Katsura.
[17:02] Kon
    Hey, forget suspended.
    Isn't he actually dead?
[17:05] Kon
    He even left behind something
    that looks like a dying message!
[17:07] Mat
    You dumbass!
[17:08] Mat
    Half-assed measures like that aren't gonna
    wake up a guy in suspended animation!
[17:12] Mat
    Bring him back to life
    like you want to kill him!
[17:16] Kon
    What's the point of killing him for real?!
[17:19] Mat
    How's that? Surely he's awake now.
[17:21] Mat
    The rock I dug out of the flooring in
    preparation for the escape sure came in handy.
[17:25] Kon
    It didn't! His hands will never move again!
[17:29] Kon
    Damn, it's the guards!
[17:30] Kon
    What now, Pops?!
[17:31] Mat
    Now that it's come to this, we have
    no choice but to play dead, too.
SIGN    Gorilla
[17:35] Mat
    Whether you run into a bear in
    a forest or a gorilla in a cage,
[17:39] Mat
    you handle it the same way.
[17:41] Kon
    First I've heard of that! And I'm the gorilla!
[17:44] Kon
    There's no way we can trick
    the guards like that!
[17:45] Kon
    Hey, Pops!
SIGN    I'm not Gorilla. I'm Gorilla Gorilla Gorilla.
[18:18] Obo
    Lose the bloodlust, Mukuro.
[18:22] Obo
    We may have parted ways before,
    but we both serve the heavens now.
[18:27] Nob
    I have no intention of ever
    serving those jerks again.
[18:32] Obo
    But what about your master?
[18:34] Obo
    His exemplary work in getting rid of
    possible obstacles to the new government
[18:39] Obo
    has made the Tendoshu extremely happy.
[18:42] Obo
    Only Matsudaira and Kondo remain, huh?
[18:46] Obo
    He must be planning to use their heads
    as bait to reel in other rebels,
[18:51] Obo
    but there seems to be some
    rather big fish among them.
[18:55] Obo
    If you let those guys get the jump on you,
[18:58] Obo
    they could rip off your
    arm along with the bait.
[19:03] Obo
    You'd best keep the Yatagarasu's
    teachings in mind.
[19:07] Obo
    The crows that bring death
[19:09] Obo
    have already flown off by the time
    their feathers hit the ground.
[19:22] Kon
    He's no ordinary guard!
[19:32] (Flashback) Kat
    And while we may stand
    on opposite sides, Kondo,
[19:36] (Flashback) Kat
    surely we share the same desire
    to fight for our country.
[19:46] Mat
    Kondo!
[19:57] Kat
    Now you and I have both died once.
[20:04] Kat
    Will we be reincarnated as allies or enemies?
[20:09] Kon
    Don't ask me.
[20:13] Kat
    It seems this is no time for a leisurely escape.
[20:18] Kat
    That Yatagarasu tattoo...
[20:21] Kat
    They're hit men from Tenshouin Naraku,
    the assassination syndicate.
[20:25] Mat
    Naraku? Why would they?
[20:29] Mat
    They even killed the other guards.
[20:32] Kat
    Perhaps there is someone who
    cannot wait for our execution,
[20:35] Kat
    or maybe someone who
    anticipated our next moves.
[20:40] Kat
    Either way, there's no time
    left to hesitate, Kondo.
[20:47] G
    Wh-What is this?
[20:49] G
    What's the meaning of this?
    What the hell happened?!
[20:53] Kat
    The inmates suddenly broke out
    of their cells and attacked us.
[21:00] G
    I-It's a jailbreak!
[21:02] G
    The inmates are on the run!
[21:07] G
    We have casualties, too!
[21:09] G
    They need treatment, on the double!
[21:14] Kon
    They were planning on killing us anyway.
[21:17] Kon
    That means Toshi and the
    rest are in danger, too!
[21:20] Kon
    Katsura! How can we get outta here?
[21:23] Mat
    Looks like not even the guards
    expected Naraku to interfere.
[21:28] Mat
    If we take advantage of this chaos,
    we might just make it...
[21:32] Kat
    Getting out of these walls
    will be a piece of cake
[21:35] Kat
    with me, Kotaro the Runaway, by your side.
[21:38] Kat
    But beyond that lies an obstacle we
    cannot overcome without outside help.
[21:43] Kon
    What obstacle?
[21:44] Kat
    Oh, so you were brought here without
    knowing what kind of place this is?
[21:49] Kat
    Unfortunately, escaping this prison
    doesn't guarantee freedom for us.
[21:54] Kat
    Because this place
[21:55] Kat
    is a massive prison that goes
    by the name of Kokujo Island.
SIGN    Preview
[23:35] HB1
    The friends of a hard-boiled man
[23:39] HB1
    will all be hard-boiled.
[23:41] Gin
    Looks like we made it in time for the party!
SIGN    Farewell Shinsengumi Arc
    Part Four
[23:44] Kat
    Wait, where's Matsudaira?
[23:46] Kon
    Uh, that's Pops!
SIGN    Prison Break
[23:49] sign r
    Hijikata and gang set out
[23:49] sign l
    to rescue Kondo.
[23:54] sign r
    Who lies waiting
[23:54] sigh l
    in their path?

E311 - Farewell Shinsengumi Arc Part Four: Prison Break

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:01] HB1
    They say this planet is 70% water.
[00:05] HB1
    That makes us all inmates, locked up in
    the floating confinements we call islands.
[00:12] HB1
    Moreover, we're also held captive by country,
    society, family, friends, and lovers—
[00:18] HB1
    all manner of prisons...
[00:21] HB1
    Sometimes of our own choosing.
[00:24] HB1
    Deep down, we wish to be prisoners.
[00:27] HB1
    We know that we cannot survive being free,
[00:30] HB1
    because it is an incredibly
    empty and miserable feeling.
[00:36] HB1
    And for that very reason,
    we yearn for freedom,
[00:39] HB1
    as we would a treasure in an adventure tale,
    one no man can obtain in reality.
[00:43] HB1
    To live is to continually
    be shackled by something.
[00:49] HB1
    So the only way to grant
    Kondo Isao true freedom
[00:54] HB1
    is to let him be executed—
[00:57] Hij
    So what, you're here to get in our way?
[01:01] Hij
    You want to be set free, hard-boiled style?
[01:04] HB2
    Vice Chief!
[01:05] HB2
    Enough with the dumb and dumber routine.
[01:07] HB2
    Change into this already.
SIGN    Farewell Shinsengumi Arc
    Part Four
SIGN    Prison Break
[02:47] HB2
    Only the most heinous of criminals enter,
SIGN    Watch the Farewell Shinsengumi Arc in a bright
    room and at a safe distance from your TV!!
[02:50] HB2
    and only corpses leave.
[02:53] HB2
    Like Gokumon Island, it's a
    prison known as a living hell...
[02:56] HB2
    Kokujo Island.
[02:58] HB2
    This is the only way to infiltrate the place.
SIGN    Basically, we'll sneak in by blending in with the prisoners.
[03:02] Hij
    You're not blending in with anyone!
[03:04] Hij
    Never mind prisoners, could you
    try to blend in with humans first?
SIGN    This is why I told you to switch to a notebook. A placard is too conspicuous.
[03:09] Hij
    That's not the issue here!
SIGN    This is why I told you to switch to a notebook. A placard is too conspicuous.
SIGN    Why should I?! You match me and my placard!
[03:11] Hij
    There's other stuff you should be copying!
SIGN    I refuse.
[03:14] Signs
    Your disguises and your hearts
    are in total disagreement!
[03:17] HB2
    We got this ship's crew on our side.
[03:20] HB2
    They wanted to put one over
    on the new government,
[03:24] HB2
    so they gladly agreed to help us out.
[03:27] HB2
    The real problem is the handover.
[03:30] HB2
    Prisoners on their way to Kokujo Island
    undergo a thorough check at sea.
[03:35] HB2
    We forged the documents, but in
    case they realize who you are...
[03:39] Hij
    It'd be quicker to capture
    them, ship and all, huh?
[03:44] Hij
    No need to worry.
[03:45] Hij
    Everything's ready.
[03:48] Hij
    Once we give the signal,
    the other units will move in.
[03:51] Hij
    The Shinsengumi and Katsura
    faction are working together.
[03:54] Hij
    It'll be over in an instant.
[03:56] Hij
    If we can just get that ship, we've won.
SIGN    Then the only thing we'll need to do is pick up Katsura-san and the others from the designated spot.
[04:00] Hij
    You guys need to sort out your
    relationship first, though.
[04:04] HB2
    Oh, there's the ship.
[04:07] HB2
    Are you all ready?
[04:09] Hij
    Hang on a minute.
[04:11] Hij
    Let me smoke one last cigarette.
[04:14] Hij
    It's time to say goodbye
    to you guys, too, huh?
[04:17] Hij
    Thanks for everything.
[04:19] Hij
    I'm glad I was sent packing to your place,
[04:23] Hij
    because I got to find out that this
    country still has cops like you guys.
[04:28] Hij
    While I'm gone, take care of Edo.
[04:31] Hij
    And them.
[04:35] Hij
    They got dragged into this
    due to my incompetence.
[04:39] Hij
    Besides, in spite of what they're like,
[04:42] Hij
    Kondo-san would be sad if they were gone.
[04:45] HB2
    Vice Chief...
[04:50] HB1
    Neither they nor any of my
    men are as weak as you think.
[04:57] HB1
    Go raise some hell, hard-boiled style.
[05:01] HB1
    Even if you go too wild
    and have nowhere left to go,
[05:11] HB1
    you've got another boss right here.
[05:16] HB1
    The more a bad boy you once were,
    the better a sleuth you make.
[05:20] HB1
    Isn't that right, Haji?
[05:22] HB2
    That's mean, boss!
[05:24] HB2
    You didn't have to put it that way!
[05:33] G
    V-Vice Chief.
[05:35] G
    Something's off about that ship.
[05:38] G
    It's approaching us,
[05:41] G
    but I don't see anyone on it.
[05:46] Hij
    Hard rudder, port side!
[05:48] Hij
    Get away from that ship!
[05:58] G
    I-It's an enemy attack!
[06:00] G
    Hurry and provide backup!
[06:20] Ymz
    C-Captain Okita!
[06:34] Hij
    Naraku?
[06:35] Hij
    Why are they here?
[06:49] Hij
    Kozenigata!
[06:50] Hij
    Hang in there!
[06:51] Hij
    Hey!
[06:54] HB
    Guess I finally got to act like a boss for once.
[06:58] HB
    If this keeps up, this ship will sink.
[07:00] HB
    We'll handle things here.
[07:03] HB
    You go subdue that ship.
[07:06] Hij
    B-But...
[07:08] Hij
    Are you gonna tell me the demonic vice chief
    can't leave an injured man behind?
[07:13] Hij
    Don't let me down, now.
[07:15] Hij
    I told you...
[07:17] Hij
    My friends aren't that weak!
[07:29] Hij
    The friends of a hard-boiled man
[07:32] Hij
    will all be hard-boiled.
[07:46] HB
    Now get going already!
[07:59] N
    The cannons!
[08:13] N
    You fiends...
[08:21] Gin
    Looks like we made it in time for the party!
[08:25] Gin
    I couldn't go to the funeral!
[08:28] Gin
    So I should at least take part
    in the battle for revenge!
[08:32] Gin
    Or else the shogun could
    come back to haunt me!
[08:37] Gin
    And nobody wants that.
[08:39] Hij
    Do you guys realize what coming here means?!
[08:42] Hij
    If you come with us, you can
    never return to this country!
[08:46] Gin
    It's too late to go back, either way.
[08:49] Gin
    Looks like we've come too far, unawares,
[08:55] Gin
    to be the only ones turning tail.
[09:01] Gin
    If we do have anywhere to go home to,
[09:07] Gin
    it'd be a place where you guys are, too.
[09:13] Gin
    If we're going back,
[09:15] Gin
    then that hack policeman,
[09:16] Gin
    that hack terrorist,
[09:18] Gin
    that sadist,
[09:20] Gin
    and that monster are coming with us.
[09:22] Gin
    That's the kind of place Odd Jobs
    started calling home at some point.
[09:28] Gin
    Sheesh.
[09:29] Gin
    People aren't supposed to sit
    in one place for too long, huh?
[09:33] Gin
    Before I knew it, I was covered in moss.
[09:36] Hij
    Yeah.
[09:39] Hij
    True that.
[09:41] Hij
    Kondo-san, I'll be honest.
[09:45] Hij
    Until now, I saw protecting Edo
    as my job, and nothing more.
[09:52] Hij
    I just swung my sword because we were
    who we were: Shinsengumi and samurai.
[10:01] Hij
    But now, from the very bottom of my heart,
[10:06] Hij
    I want to protect Edo.
[10:08] Hij
    I want to protect our home!
[10:12] Hij
    Kondo-san, I've finally become
[10:18] Hij
    a proper member of the Shinsengumi.
[10:26] Sas
    Prepare for battle, men.
[10:28] Sas
    Once we arrive at Kokujo Island,
[10:31] Sas
    immediately begin hunting for the
    escaped inmates and their accomplices.
[10:35] G
    Sir!
[10:42] Nob
    That's it? That's our mission?
[10:44] Sas
    Complaining again?
[10:46] Sas
    You'd better give it a rest, or I'll start to sulk.
[10:50] Nob
    Don't we have other targets to cut down?
[10:54] Nob
    Do you really think Kondo and his gang
    killed the guards and escaped?
[10:59] Sas
    Who can say?
[11:01] Sas
    I imprisoned Katsura in the
    same prison on purpose.
[11:05] Sas
    I would find it rather troubling if
    they weren't capable of that much.
[11:09] Nob
    Was exposing Lord Nobunobu's
    tyrannical nature to the public
[11:12] Nob
    and sending Katsura to where Kondo was
[11:15] Nob
    all part of a plan to incite a rebellion
    and gain an excuse to purge them?
[11:19] Nob
    If I only wanted to wipe them all out,
    I would've had them executed with Kondo.
[11:25] Nob
    What I really want to clean up is
[11:28] Nob
    something far larger in scale that
    they happen to be a part of.
[11:32] Nob
    But before I could finish all the preparations,
[11:36] Nob
    your old friend seems to have caught on to me.
[11:42] Nob
    Oh, well.
[11:44] Nob
    This is a bit earlier than I'd planned,
[11:47] Nob
    but they were always fated
    to die out either way.
[11:50] Nob
    Let us as cops witness the demise of the police.
[11:57] Kat
    Hey, it's time to switch.
[11:59] G
    Oh, okay.
[12:00] Kat
    How's it look? Have the escapees...
[12:02] G
    Nah. It doesn't look like they've
    made it out of these walls yet.
[12:07] Kon
    Well, obviously.
[12:09] Kon
    Because we were thinking of getting out now.
[12:12] Kat
    I'm sorry, but continue to
    keep watch in your dreams.
[12:16] Kat
    That went well.
[12:18] Kat
    How are things looking on
    the outside, Matsudaira?
[12:21] Kat
    Wait, where's Matsudaira?
[12:22] Kon
    Uh, that's Pops!
[12:24] Kat
    Matsudaira! What are you doing
    wearing such confusing clothing?!
[12:27] Kon
    You're wearing the same thing!
[12:28] G
    Wh-What do you guys think you're doing?!
[12:31] Kat
    Hang in there, Kondo!
[12:34] Kat
    Let go of Kondo!
[12:35] Kon
    Uh, this is Kondo you're grabbing!
[12:37] Mat
    Just hang on, Kondo!
[12:38] Mat
    We'll combine our strength!
[12:41] Kon
    What are you combining?!
[12:43] Kon
    Combining stupidity with stupidity will
    only give birth to more stupidity!
[12:46] Kon
    What's wrong with you idiots?!
[12:48] Kon
    We nearly gave ourselves away!
[12:49] Mat
    Shh! Keep it down, Kondo.
[12:53] Kon
    That's not Kondo, damn it!
[12:57] Kon
    Crap.
[12:58] Kon
    Looks like the Mimawarigumi are here, too.
[13:01] Kon
    Toshi and the rest won't be able
    to approach the island now.
[13:04] Kon
    More than anything,
[13:06] Kon
    who knows if we can hold
    out until help arrives?
[13:09] Kat
    They will come for sure.
[13:12] Kat
    No need to worry.
[13:14] Kat
    They've got him on their side.
[13:17] Kat
    Just as you left your hopes
    outside these walls,
[13:21] Kat
    I left a trump card of my own back there.
[13:24] (Flashback) Kat
    Let us meet at dawn.
[13:31] Kat
    That man.
[13:40] Gin
    It's as we thought.
[13:42] Gin
    Something's going down over there, as well.
[13:45] Gin
    With the island on high alert, there's no
    way we can force our way through head-on.
[13:49] Gin
    We were right to abandon the
    big ship in favor of life boats.
[13:53] Hij
    Quit acting like you guys didn't
    go too wild and sink the ship!
[13:57] Hij
    Why do we gotta row all
    the way to the island?!
[14:00] Kag
    The situation's changing by the moment.
[14:03] Kag
    If you louts don't keep up,
    your general will lose his head.
[14:07] Hij
    You guys sure have it good,
    with your weird Chinese motor!
[14:10] Hij
    Put yourself in our shoes!
[14:11] Gin
    Don't tell me you guys are worn
    out from that little skirmish.
[14:16] Gin
    Come on. The war hasn't
    even begun for real yet.
[14:19] Gin
    I guess even the Shinsengumi and
    the Katsura faction together
[14:23] Gin
    are still no match for one
    measly little Odd Jobs, huh?
[14:26] Hij
    Row, people!
[14:27] Hij
    Forget about Shinsengumi
    and Joi Rebels for now!
[14:30] Hij
    Just work together and beat them to the island!
SIGN    Time for the placards to shine, since they're shaped like oars. Use one like this.
SIGN    I'll use my notebook to cheer you on, then. Fight!
[14:39] G
    Later, Vice Chief. We're going ahead.
[14:41] G
    Excuse us.
[14:42] Hij
    Wait a minute, you bastards—
[14:48] HB2
    Good grief.
[14:49] HB2
    Who would've thought we'd
    ever see something like that?
[14:53] HB2
    Right, Boss?
[14:55] HB2
    The Shinsengumi, Joi Rebels, and Odd Jobs
[14:59] HB2
    are all working together toward a common goal.
[15:02] HB2
    Just goes to show that life
    should be lived good and long.
[15:07] HB2
    So please don't think it'd be
    hard-boiled to die here, okay?
[15:12] HB2
    Let's live and see what those
    guys do with our own eyes.
[15:16] HB1
    Yeah. Guess I should hold off
    on drinking with dinner for once
[15:21] HB1
    and keep the champagne on ice.
[15:27] HB1
    I'll be waiting at the bar,
[15:30] HB1
    you perms.
SIGN    Preview
[17:05] Kon
    No education, no status.
[17:08] Kon
    The only thing they can trust
    is their own swords.
[17:11] Kon
    Don't let their dreams consume you.
SIGN    Farewell Shinsengumi Arc
    Part Five
[17:14] Kon
    We're gonna become samurai here in Edo.
SIGN    Stray Dogs
[17:18] ---
    What clever idea does
    Gintoki come up with
[17:18] ---
    to breach the impregnable
    Kokujo Island's defenses?
[17:23] ---
    Next week, a chaotic brawl breaks out.
[17:23] ---
    And what's coming up right now...?
SIGN    The Walker's Guide to the Galaxy
SIGN    Episode 50
    The Land of Samurai
SIGN    Marsh Ian
[17:34] M
    Good day to all our viewers
    across the universe.
[17:37] M
    I'm your host, Galactic Essayist Marsh Ian.
SIGN    Galactic Essayist
    Marsh Ian
SIGN    Universe Map
[17:40] M
    Wherever the dart lands, be it the very
    end of the universe, we cover the place.
[17:44] M
    That's what The Walker's Guide
    to the Galaxy is all about.
SIGN    Map of the Universe
[17:46] M
    As we celebrate our 50th
    episode, we'll be going to...
[17:51] M
    Earth!
[17:53] M
    Earth is a beautiful planet,
    with a wide variety of species.
[17:57] M
    Who's ruling it right now?
SIGN    Joining the Coverage Again
    Mr. N, Editor
[18:00] N
    A quite scary species.
[18:03] N
    Until sixty million years ago or so,
    it was creatures like these.
[18:06] M
    What? They'll eat us alive!
[18:08] N
    And then it was creatures like these, or these.
[18:12] M
    What? We really will be eaten alive!
[18:15] N
    And right now,
[18:17] N
    it's ruled by EXILE.
[18:18] M
    What? They'll eat us alive!
[18:21] N
    Don't worry.
[18:22] N
    They mainly only prey
    on acts and mods.
SIGN    Earth's Geological Eras Over 4.6 Billion Years
SIGN    10 yrs. ago
SIGN    6.5 mil. yrs. ago
SIGN    450 mil. yrs. ago
SIGN    EXILE Era
SIGN    Titan Era
SIGN    Dinosaur Era
[18:26] N*
    They're a species that's beyond beautiful,
    and never eats more than it needs.
[18:30] M
    Wow. They look scary, but they're
    actually quite nice, huh?
[18:34] N
    Actually, they're quite naughty.
[18:36] M
    True, when we landed on Earth,
[18:39] M
    we found a whole bunch of EXILES.
[18:41] M
    Hello there, beautiful young lady.
[18:43] M
    Are you an EXILE?
[18:45] Tae
    I'm a B'z fan, damn it!
SIGN    Snack
    Otose
[18:48] Oto
    She may have looked similar,
    but she wasn't an EXILE.
[18:49] Sign
    Owner of a watering hole we made
    a pit stop at. She helped us a lot.
[18:51] Oto
    Other than EXILE, Earth also has
[18:54] Oto
    a whole bunch of other species.
SIGN    Sada Masashi
[18:57] M
    Everyone but Sada Masashi looks the same to me!
SIGN    Earth Inhabitants
[19:00] Oto
    Things used to be a lot simpler back in the day.
[19:02] N
    What species ruled the planet before?
[19:05] Oto
    They're extinct now, but there used
    to be a species called "Samurai."
SIGN    Samurai
[19:09] M
    Earth used to be full of terrifying
    monsters and rife with death,
[19:14] M
    but the legendary species,
    Samurai, restored peace to it!
[19:17] N
    But why'd they go extinct?
[19:20] Oto
    Due to the Unemployment Ice Age.
[19:22] N
    We'd love to cover them!
[19:25] Oto
    There's a fossil you can interview...
[19:27] N
    Where?
[19:27] Oto
    Right there.
[19:30] Oto
    Though it's a fossil of samurai poo.
SIGN    Shaggy Hair
SIGN    Dead-Fish Eyes
SIGN    Filthy Piece of Wood
SIGN    Filthy Piece of Wood
[19:33] M
    This is the legendary species, Samurai (poo)!
[19:37] Gin
    Huh? Interview?
[19:39] Gin
    Will I be paid?
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[19:40] M
    Today, the Samurai (poo) is called a "handyman."
[19:45] M
    Instead of hunting, he takes
    advantage of others' weaknesses...
[19:48] Gin
    You took your mischief too far, lady.
[19:51] W
    Please don't tell my husband.
[19:53] W
    I'll pay as much as you want.
[19:55] M
    He's a lot like a hyena.
[19:57] M
    He primarily consumes nothing
    but sweets and alcohol.
[20:00] M
    He staggers on two legs during the day,
[20:03] M
    and turns four-legged at night.
SIGN    Blech
[20:05] M
    His movements are sluggish, and there
    are days when he doesn't move at all.
[20:09] N
    That's a form of hibernation!
[20:11] N
    That's why he survived the Ice Age!
[20:14] M
    It's an unbelievable evolution!
[20:16] M
    In the past, samurai used
    to form rather unique herds,
[20:20] M
    with a hierarchical structure
    called "lordship."
SIGN    Lordship
[20:23] M
    You'd have the leader
    of the pack, the "lord,"
[20:24] M
    and the lord's servants, the "retainers."
[20:27] M
    We'd given up on ever seeing
    that in its natural form, but...
[20:32] Q
    That's "Queen" to you!
SIGN    Haa haa
[20:35] N
    Queen!
[20:36] Gin
    So how'd it go? Are you an S or M?
[20:39] M
    Yes, the system of lordship
    was still in place!
[20:41] Gin
    I could hear your voice all the way outside.
[20:44] Kag
    You rotten pig!
[20:46] Kag
    Where were you goofing off?!
[20:47] Kag
    "Retainers" became "pigs"...
[20:48] Gin
    Look, they wanted to know
    where to have fun...
[20:50] Kag
    If you've got money to waste on that crap,
[20:53] Kag
    then pay tribute to the Queen of Kabuki
    District in the form of salary!
[20:57] M
    And "lords" became "queens."
[20:59] M
    The Samurai (poo) herd
    hierarchy is as follows:
[21:02] M
    On top is the queen.
[21:04] M
    Next up is her pet.
[21:07] M
    Then the fleas on the pet.
[21:08] M
    Then the roaches that eat the fleas.
[21:10] M
    Then the magazine for killing the roaches,
[21:12] M
    with which the Samurai (poo)
    comes as an accessory.
[21:16] M
    Further below is the hallucination
    he talks to every now and then.
[21:20] Gin
    Oh, Pachi-boy. Did you change your glasses?
[21:22] Shin
    You could tell?
[21:24] M
    It is said that Samurai
    trained diligently every day.
[21:27] M
    But our Samurai (poo) just
    loiters around gambling dens,
[21:32] M
    showing no signs of training at all.
[21:35] M
    Could it be that the Samurai (poo) species
    has declined massively in strength?
[21:41] N
    Hey, attack him and see what happens.
[21:44] M
    Wh-When?
[21:46] N
    Once he finishes eating that squid tentacle.
[21:50] M
    Squid tentacle?
[21:53] Gin
    Damn, this is tough.
[21:55] M
    It was an octopus arm!
[21:57] N
    Don't tell me, he noticed our
    presence and made the first move?!
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[22:01] N
    Let's give it another shot.
[22:04] N
    We could try something like poisoning...
[22:05] M
    That's too dangerous!
[22:07] N
    You won't lose your arms
    with an indirect method.
[22:11] Gin
    All right. We're having takoyaki for dinner.
[22:14] M
    They showed up for dinner!
[22:17] Kag
    Not octopus again.
[22:19] M
    What do you mean, "again"?
[22:20] Shin
    I don't even want to look at octopus anymore.
[22:22] M
    Even the hallucination was digging in?!
[22:24] Gin
    Don't be selfish!
[22:26] N
    What a terrifying species.
[22:28] N
    They've evolved to a higher
    plane of existence than us!
[22:31] M
    Uh, weren't they just hungry?
[22:34] Gin
    Huh? You're not eating?
[22:37] Gin
    What happened to your arms?
[22:39] M
    Th-They were gone before I knew it.
[22:42] Gin
    Oh, is that so?
[22:44] Gin
    But they'll grow back, right?
[22:45] M
    W-Well, yes.
[22:48] Gin
    Nice.
[22:49] Gin
    Then if we keep you alive
    and just eat your arms,
[22:52] Gin
    we'll never run out of food, huh?
[22:58] M
    I need to go buy some nibs!
[23:02] M
    That species is definitely super-dangerous!
[23:04] M
    I must let the entire galaxy
    know, with my essay!
[23:09] N
    Your pen's flowing a lot
    more freely than usual.
[23:11] N
    We had to pack up our research midway
    through, but I've got no complaints.
[23:15] N
    I was just about to get tired
    of Earth's crappy cuisine, too.
[23:21] N
    I miss Planet Osaka's takoyaki.
SIGN    Mr. N, is that...
[23:24] M
    Mr. N, is that...
SIGN    Essay Manga Are Easy to Animate
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[23:31] Shin
    Gin-san, the Farewell Shinsengumi
    Arc isn't over yet.
[23:35] Shin
    Are you sure you should be lying around?
[23:37] Gin
    You see, samurai are creatures that
    hibernate once they've eaten their fill.
[23:37] Gin
    Following the disappearance of an essayist,
[23:41] TV
    a self-proclaimed editor was arrested.
[23:41] Kag
    Huh? Gin-chan, isn't this...
[23:43] TV
    Under his shirt, he'd been tied up with a rope,
SIGN    Galactic Essayist Marsh Ian Missing
[23:46] TV
    * and he kept making strange statements
    such as, "He'll grow back again, anyway."*
[23:49] Gin
    Oh, man. There are some scary
    creatures out in space, huh?
[23:54] ---
    "The Walker's Guide to the Galaxy"
    ends this week.
[23:54] ---
    Thank you for all your support!!

E312 - Farewell Shinsengumi Arc Part Five: Stray Dogs

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Roshigumi Applicants
[00:03] (Flashback) Kon
    No education, no status.
[00:06] (Flashback) Kon
    The only thing they can trust
    is their own swords.
[00:10] (Flashback) Kon
    And they want to make a name
    for themselves using them.
[00:13] (Flashback) Kon
    That's the kind of ruffians
    who have gathered here.
[00:16] (Flashback) Kon
    Don't let their dreams consume you.
[00:20] (Flashback) Kon
    Carve open a path to your
    dreams with your own hands.
[00:23] (Flashback) Kon
    We're gonna become samurai here in Edo.
[00:37] G
    Commissioner-General.
[00:38] G
    Commissioner-General!
[00:39] G
    Ship silhouette sighted
    a few kilometers ahead.
[00:43] G
    Wait, that's...
[00:45] Sas
    So the Shinsengumi are here.
[00:49] Sas
    Will this be the day their dreams perish?
[00:54] Sas
    Or will it be the day I
    finally awaken from mine?
[01:00] Sas
    If you think you can carve open
    a path, then let's see you try.
[01:07] Sas
    I'll have you know I toss
    and turn a lot in my sleep.
SIGN    Farewell Shinsengumi Arc
    Part Five
SIGN    Stray Dogs
SIGN    Watch the Farewell Shinsengumi Arc in a bright
    room and at a safe distance from your TV!!
[02:52] Kat
    Looks like it's begun.
[02:53] Kon
    D-Don't tell me, Toshi and
    the others are over there?
[02:57] Kat
    No.
[03:01] G
    There's nobody aboard the ships?
[03:08] Kat
    It's a ploy Gintoki used often.
[03:10] Kat
    And Sakamoto often yelled at him for it,
    saying ships weren't firewood.
[03:15] Kat
    If the fire was set in front of the island...
[03:18] Gin
    If a castle can only be
    breached from the front,
[03:20] Gin
    that means it can be easily felled
    if you get in any other way.
[03:25] Hij
    You actually think we can climb this cliff?
[03:28] Gin
    If the enemy has that same doubt,
    then it's worth a shot.
[03:31] Oki
    We don't have time to complain.
[03:34] Oki
    There are gunships closing in from behind.
[03:36] Oki
    We placed decoy squads
    in all four directions,
[03:39] Oki
    but who knows how long they'll
    keep the enemy occupied?
[03:42] Oki
    Doesn't look like there are any
    footholds until halfway up,
[03:45] Oki
    but climbing the rest
    of the way seems doable.
[03:47] Oki
    The question is, how do we get halfway up?
[03:49] Kag
    We just need someone to get up there
    and dangle a rope for the rest.
[03:53] Kag
    Leave it to me.
[03:55] Oki
    You sure, China Girl?
[03:57] Kag
    Yup. A cliff like this is
    like a stone's throw for me.
[04:04] Kag
    Grab that rope and climb, guys!
[04:07] Hij
    You weren't the one going up?!
[04:09] Hij
    As if we could use a rope that bloody!
[04:11] Hij
    And it's not nearly long enough!
[04:13] Kag
    Fine. Let's add some extra!
[04:17] Hij
    You don't have to add an extra human being!
[04:20] Kag
    Oops, I missed.
[04:21] Kag
    No point to the extra now.
[04:22] Ymz
    You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?!
[04:24] Gin
    Well, they're here now.
[04:25] Gin
    Let's use them as stairs, like this.
[04:29] Ymz
    Uh, is there any point to this first stair?
[04:32] Ymz
    Is my life just a stepping stone?
[04:34] Oki
    Screw you!
[04:35] Hij
    There'll be nobody left by
    the time we reach the top!
[04:38] Hij
    I'll chop you up and use your
    body parts as footholds!
[04:41] Gin
    Get bent! The only one who can
    step on my cck is Ketsuno Ana!
[04:44] Hij
    Nope, I'm gonna step all over it!
[04:48] Shin
    Sis.
[04:50] Tae
    Shin-chan, I thought we
    couldn't go back anymore.
[04:54] Tae
    That those days would never return.
[04:59] Tae
    But it looks like I can still laugh.
[05:03] Tae
    It's so strange.
[05:05] Tae
    Even though we're in this situation,
[05:07] Tae
    being with everyone makes me...
[05:11] Shin
    Just wait.
[05:15] Shin
    I'll bring that man,
[05:16] Shin
    and everyone, back here to you for sure.
[05:21] Shin
    So wait for us with that same
    old smile on your face, Sis.
[05:26] Shin
    No matter what may happen from here on...
[05:28] Shin
    So long as you and everyone
    else is still smiling,
[05:33] Shin
    we can always go back to those days.
[05:44] Shin
    I'll be right back, Sis.
[05:54] Kon
    How many?
[05:55] Kat
    You noticed? Probably a few dozen.
[05:59] Kat
    They must be Naraku.
[06:00] Kat
    Go on ahead.
[06:01] Kat
    At this rate, they'll figure out where
    we're meeting Gintoki and the rest.
[06:05] Kat
    And if you die, I'll lose the
    Shinsengumi's cooperation.
[06:12] Kon
    I'm sorry, but while I may
    have broken out of prison,
[06:15] Kon
    I don't remember agreeing
    to work with you guys.
[06:19] Kon
    I'm gonna do as I please.
[06:21] Kat
    You...
[06:23] Mat
    Kondo.
[06:25] Kon
    Get going, Pops!
[06:30] (Flashback) Mat
    With the end of the Joi War,
    the world has entered a new era.
[06:36] (Flashback) Mat
    But there are still hoodlums throwing
    their weight around in public.
[06:39] (Flashback) Mat
    They call themselves Joi Rebels
    and continue to break the law.
[06:44] (Flashback) Mat
    They're a lot like you guys, actually.
[06:48] (Flashback) Mat
    You have strength, but no idea where to use it.
[06:52] (Flashback) Mat
    So we thought that maybe we could use
    that strength for a different purpose.
SIGN    Roshigumi Applicants
[06:59] (Flashback) Mat
    That's why we formed this special
    peacekeeping unit, the Roshigumi.
[07:05] (Flashback) Mat
    How about it?
[07:06] (Flashback) Mat
    If you're gonna wreak havoc anyway,
[07:09] (Flashback) Mat
    why don't you try using your
    strength to protect something?
[07:13] Mat
    For all that big talk, the idea was to*
    basically pit stray dogs against one another.
[07:20] Mat
    The bakufu would give hoodlums a sword,
    a mission, and freedom to act like samurai,
[07:25] Mat
    but the end goal was to have them and
    the Joi Rebels take each other out.
[07:29] Mat
    Talk about irony.
[07:31] Mat
    Now that a new era is upon us,
    and samurai are dying out,
[07:34] Mat
    the last remaining hope
    is those very stray dogs.
[07:38] Mat
    No, you guys are no longer stray dogs.
[07:44] Mat
    You're noble wolves!
[07:50] Ymz
    Oh, shut up.
[07:52] Ymz
    Go away! I can't focus!
[07:56] Ymz
    Damn, I looked down.
[07:58] Gin
    Keep looking up and climb.
[08:00] Gin
    If you look down, your legs will stop moving.
[08:02] Gin
    That's the golden rule of mountain
    climbing, and life in general.
[08:05] Ymz
    Th-Then...
[08:07] Ymz
    How about when you're descending a mountain?
[08:09] Oki
    It's simple.
[08:11] Oki
    Close your eyes and let go of that rope.
[08:13] Oki
    Anyone who thinks about going down
    before climbing all the way up
[08:16] Oki
    should just fall and have his eyeballs
    plucked out, or so the crows are saying.
[08:19] Ymz
    Don't say ominous things like that, Captain!
[08:23] Hij
    Kondo-san, please hold
    out until we get there!
[08:30] Kat
    They're really looking down on us, huh?
[08:32] Kat
    Is this all the assassins they sent after us?
[08:35] Kon
    If you want to take us out,
    then only an entire army...
[08:43] Kat
    ...or Kondo Isao...
[08:45] Kon
    ...or Katsura Kotaro...
[08:47] Bo
    ...are fit for the job!
[08:50] Kat
    We're the only ones who can kill each other.
[08:55] Kat
    And you've ended up taking
    both of us on at once.
[09:04] Kon
    We have...
[09:05] Kat
    ...no enemies anymore.
[09:07] Kon
    Did we get all of them?
[09:09] Kat
    No, we're talking about
    those filthy crows here.
[09:12] Kat
    They probably sent word the
    moment they spotted us.
[09:16] Kat
    I can't imagine they'd go down
    without sending reinforcements.
[09:22] Kat
    It can't be!
[09:23] Kon
    Katsura?
[09:24] Kat
    Hurry, Kondo!
[09:25] Kon
    What's this about?
[09:27] Kat
    We were the ones being held up!
[09:30] Kat
    Of course they wouldn't send reinforcements!
[09:34] Kat
    The enemy's main unit is already
[09:39] Kat
    directly above Gintoki and the others!
[09:44] Kon
    That means Pops is in danger, too!
[09:56] Kon
    Katsura!
[10:02] Kon
    Hey, Katsura! Hang in there!
[10:04] Kon
    Katsura!
[10:06] Kat
    Don't get so worked up. I've merely
    gained an extra belly button, is all.
[10:10] Kat
    But it looks like we no longer
    have time to worry about others.
[10:14] Kat
    And at the worst possible time!
[10:17] Sas
    Time's up.
[10:24] Hij
    Don't panic!
[10:26] Hij
    Huddle up and take cover
    beneath the rock face!
[10:29] Kag
    Damn you and your cheap tricks!
[10:32] Kag
    Follow me—
[10:35] Shin
    Kagura-chan!
[10:47] Gin
    Second wave incoming!
[10:49] Gin
    Kagura!
[10:50] Hij
    Sogo!
[10:51] Kag
    Let go.
[10:53] Kag
    Let go of me!
[11:16] Obo
    Oh?
[11:17] Hij
    Now! Let's go!
[11:18] Obo
    They acted as bait to draw our attention,
[11:22] Obo
    and while we were distracted,
    they drilled a hole to take our rear?
[11:26] Obo
    It seems they have better spies than you.
[11:34] Ymz
    Let me give you some advice as your senior spy.
[11:37] Ymz
    Flying while only looking down,
    like you do, isn't good enough,
[11:39] Ymz
    nor is climbing while only looking up.
[11:42] Ymz
    You need to look both up and down.
[11:45] Ymz
    That's the golden rule of
    surveillance, my dear crow.
SIGN    Out of the way
[11:51] Ymz
    I wasn't looking behind me...
SIGN    I'll take the lead. Let's crush them in one fell swoop.
SIGN    If you're giving orders, wouldn't a notebook be easier for all to read?
SIGN    There's no need...
SIGN    ...for words anymore.
[12:22] Sai
    You have our backz.
[12:33] Oki
    It's about time those guys got here.
[12:37] Oki
    Now I can finally get some payback!
[12:52] Hij
    Crush them!
[13:00] Obo
    For a measly pack of stray dogs,
[13:02] Obo
    you sure have sharpened your fangs well.
[13:07] Obo
    However...
[13:19] Hij
    You guys!
[13:20] Obo
    This is the end.
[13:22] Obo
    The lofty heavens are yet distant.
[13:26] Obo
    Past here is a hellish road one cannot navigate
    without the Yatagarasu's guidance.
[13:33] Obo
    Should you wish to proceed,
[13:35] Obo
    do so after you cast aside
    your corrupt bodies.
[13:39] Obo
    If you do, these crows will carry
    your souls to your destination...
[13:46] Obo
    To where your Kondo is.
[13:49] Obo
    To where Shoyo is.
[13:53] Gin
    Sheesh.
[13:55] Gin
    What an awful sight.
[13:57] Gin
    We finally got to the top of the mountain,
[14:00] Gin
    but this place is covered
    with crow droppings, too.
[14:03] Gin
    Go ahead.
[14:05] Gin
    Cleaning up crow droppings
    isn't a job for the police.
[14:09] Gin
    Hurry up and go clean up a
    gorilla's shit or something.
[14:13] Gin
    Besides, he's...
[14:15] (Flashback) Tak
    ...the other will definitely
    send you to Hell.
[14:21] Gin
    He's my client.
[14:25] Oki
    Then you take that side, Boss.
[14:27] Oki
    And I'll handle them.
[14:31] Hij
    Sogo?
[14:33] Oki
    Truth is, I want to go, too.
[14:36] Oki
    But unfortunately, Kondo-san
    gave me a role to fulfill.
[14:42] Oki
    I'm Okita Sogo, Shinsengumi
    1st Squad Captain.
[14:45] Oki
    My job is to take the vanguard
    and cut open a path.
[14:49] Oki
    And you're the Shinsengumi's Demonic
    Vice Chief, Hijikata Toshiro.
[14:59] Oki
    Your job is to go down that
    path without looking back.
[15:03] Oki
    Hijikata-san—
[15:05] Oki
    No...
[15:08] Oki
    Vice Chief.
[15:09] Oki
    I leave the Chief to you.
[15:18] Hij
    Listen up, and listen good.
[15:21] Hij
    I'm adding one last article
    to the Shinsengumi Code.
[15:25] Hij
    Until now, you've staked your lives
    to uphold the 46 articles of the Code.
[15:31] Hij
    Even if you have to violate all of them,
[15:39] Hij
    survive!
[15:47] Hij
    Let's roll!
[15:54] Hij
    We're cutting through!
[15:56] Hij
    Keep your eyes forward and run!
[16:20] [Messenger] ---
    Found the gorilla in the forest.
[16:22] Sas
    There's no response.
[16:24] Sas
    Did Nobume-san read my message
    and ignore it like always,
[16:27] Sas
    or did something happen on her end, as well?
[16:31] Sas
    There you have it, Kondo-san.
[16:34] Sas
    Unfortunately for you, our men have
    already closed off the entire area.
[16:40] Sas
    You have nowhere to run.
[16:43] Sas
    They came here to save you,
[16:46] Sas
    so there's a very simple way to save them.
[16:50] Sas
    You just have to die.
[16:53] Sas
    Let's work together and
    put an end to this mess.
[16:56] Sas
    Come on out, now.
[16:59] Kat
    Kondo...
[17:01] Kat
    I'll distract them. Take that chance to run.
[17:07] Kat
    I came here to save you,
[17:10] Kat
    so I can't drag you down with me.
[17:14] Kon
    That so?
[17:16] Kon
    Then...
[17:18] Kon
    With this, we're even.
[17:20] Kon
    You saved me first.
[17:23] Kon
    So now it's your turn to hold me back.
[17:27] Kat
    Kondo...
[17:28] Kon
    I was going to be executed.
[17:31] Kon
    I wouldn't have minded, as long as
    I could protect my comrades.
[17:34] Kon
    Or so I thought.
[17:36] Kon
    But I've gotten greedy since you saved me.
[17:40] Kon
    I've started wanting to see those guys again.
[17:44] Kon
    And I've gained another comrade
    I want to share a drink with.
[17:50] Kon
    Katsura, I don't want to die yet.
[17:53] Kon
    I don't want to let you die, either.
[17:56] Kon
    So let me ask you, as well.
[18:00] Kon
    Lend me your strength, Katsura, so that
    we might see those guys once again.
[18:06] Kon
    As long as you don't die,
[18:08] Kon
    and as long as I don't die,
[18:12] Kon
    the other also won't die.
[18:15] Kon
    Don't let go, okay?
[18:29] Sas
    He hasn't changed.
[18:32] Sas
    That man is still the same.
[18:36] (Flashback) Mat
    How are they looking?
[18:40] (Flashback) Mat
    The master plan devised by
    one of the most eminent sons
SIGN    Roshigumi Station
[18:44] (Flashback) Mat
    of the famed Sasaki family,
    Sasaki Isaburo: the Roshigumi.
[18:49] (Flashback) Mat
    Is there anyone who could come in handy?
[18:54] (Flashback) Sas
    It seems my master plan didn't
    have any basis in reality.
[18:59] (Flashback) Sas
    I ordered them to discuss and
    implement an internal structure,
[19:03] (Flashback) Sas
    but they've been like this for days.
[19:06] (Flashback) Sas
    They don't even seem like they can contain
    themselves, let alone Joi Rebels.
[19:13] (Flashback) Mat
    Well, no need to worry.
[19:15] (Flashback) Mat
    Stray dogs have their own
    ways of doing things.
[19:20] (Flashback) Ymz
    That makes it seven schools.
[19:23] (Flashback) Ymz
    If any of you got a problem
    with me, bring it.
[19:27] (Flashback) Ymz
    I, Mountain Zaki, will
    gladly take you on anytime.
SIGN    Mountain Zaki
[19:34] (Flashback) Ymz
    If there's nobody else, I can be the leader—
[19:38] (Flashback) Kon
    Hey.
[19:40] (Flashback) Kon
    You're pretty good.
[19:43] (Flashback) Ymz
    Huh? What's your problem?
[19:49] (Flashback) Ymz
    Taking a beating like that without
    throwing a single punch in return?
[19:54] (Flashback) Ymz
    No ordinary man would be
    capable of that, boss.
[19:58] (Flashback) Ymz
    Hey, tend to him.
[20:00] (Flashback) Ymz
    He might be our boss someday.
[20:03] (Flashback) Ymz
    Hold it!
[20:06] (Flashback) Ymz
    You the hicks always practicin'
    swings in the corner?
[20:10] (Flashback) Ymz
    I don't know or care which
    school you belong to,
[20:13] (Flashback) Ymz
    but if you're tryin' to become leader,
    I'll destroy you and your students anytime.
[20:18] (Flashback) Ymz
    Bring it on!
[20:20] (Flashback) Kon
    Nah, I'll pass.
[20:22] (Flashback) Kon
    If we've got the time to
    fight among ourselves,
[20:24] (Flashback) Kon
    we'd be better off spending it doing swings.
[20:28] (Flashback) Ymz
    Draw your sword!
[20:30] (Flashback) Ymz
    That's fine by me!
[20:31] (Flashback) Ymz
    Show me the results of all
    those practice swings!
[20:35] (Flashback) Kon
    I said I'm not interested, Mashin Hero Wataru.
[20:38] (Flashback) Ymz
    It's Mountain Zaki!
[20:41] (Flashback) Kon
    A leader doesn't need the
    strength to subdue a comrade.
[20:45] (Flashback) Kon
    All he needs is the strength to protect one.
[20:49] (Flashback) Kon
    Compared to you, who hit a comrade,
[20:51] (Flashback) Kon
    a guy lying flat on his back after not
    hitting back is better suited to be leader,
[20:55] (Flashback) Kon
    Tokoroten Wataru.
[20:56] (Flashback) Ymz
    Mountain Zaki!
[20:58] (Flashback) Kon
    All right, back to training.
[21:01] (Flashback) Ymz
    I see how it is, boss.
[21:03] (Flashback) Ymz
    Then you should keep practicing your
    swings even while I beat you to a pulp!
[21:09] (Flashback) Kon
    Don't.
[21:14] (Flashback) Kon
    The practice swings of our Hick School
[21:17] (Flashback) Kon
    can kill a person, you know.
[21:22] (Flashback) Kon
    Though I don't mind training
    with you at any time.
[21:24] (Flashback) Kon
    Interested, Mountain Zaki?
[21:28] (Flashback) Ymz
    N-No...
[21:30] (Flashback) Ymz
    I'm not Mountain Zaki.
[21:32] (Flashback) Ymz
    My name is Yamazaki Sagaru.
[21:35] (Flashback) Ymz
    I-It's a pleasure, boss!
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Preview
[23:09] Ymz
    Hey! The hell are you?
[23:12] Ymz
    You're the punk who's been sneaking
    around lately, aren't you?
[23:14] Ymz
    You can't fool this Mountain Zaki's nose.
[23:17] Ymz
    Do you know what this place is?!
[23:19] Ymz
    Try anything funny, and the
    Roshigumi will arrest you—
[23:21] Hij
    You're the one who needs to be arrested.
[23:23] Ymz
    H-Hijikata-san?!
[23:24] Ymz
    Are you trying to piss about,
    or are you trying to piss me off?
[23:27] Ymz
    Either way, I'll gladly kick your ass.
[23:29] Ymz
    If you don't want that, get back to training.
[23:31] Ymz
    And do a thousand swings extra.
[23:33] Ymz
    Yes, sir!
[23:34] Ymz
    Yamazaki Sagaru, heading back right away!
[23:36] Hij
    One of our men seems to have
    been rude to you. I'm sorry.
[23:39] Hij
    Wait, aren't you...
SIGN    Farewell Shinsengumi Arc
    Part Six
[23:44] Sas
    How you've changed.
SIGN    Undelivered Mail
[23:49] ---
    In the midst of battle,
    Sasaki's mind flashes back
[23:49] ---
    to a past meeting and a tragic night—
[23:54] ---
    How did the Shinsengumi come to be?
[23:54] ---
    Sasaki's scheme creates a bizarre bond.

E313 - Farewell Shinsengumi Arc Part Six: Undelivered Mail

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] (Flashback) Ymz
    Hey! The hell are you?
[00:03] (Flashback) Ymz
    You're the punk who's been sneaking
    around lately, aren't you?
SIGN    Note: This is Yamazaki Sagaru.
[00:06] (Flashback) Ymz
    You can't fool this Mountain Zaki's nose.
[00:08] (Flashback) Ymz
    Do you know what this place is?!
[00:10] (Flashback) Ymz
    Try anything funny, and the
    Roshigumi will arrest you—
[00:12] (Flashback) Hij
    You're the one who needs to be arrested.
SIGN    Roshigumi Applicants
[00:14] (Flashback) Ymz
    H-Hijikata-san?!
[00:15] (Flashback) Hij
    Are you trying to piss about,
    or are you trying to piss me off?
[00:18] (Flashback) Hij
    Either way, I'll gladly kick your ass.
[00:20] (Flashback) Hij
    If you don't want that, get back to training.
[00:22] (Flashback) Hij
    And do a thousand swings extra.
[00:24] (Flashback) Ymz
    Yes, sir!
[00:25] (Flashback) Ymz
    Yamazaki Sagaru, heading back right away!
[00:28] (Flashback) Hij
    One of our men seems to have
    been rude to you. I'm sorry.
[00:31] (Flashback) Hij
    Wait, aren't you...
[00:34] (Flashback) Sas
    How you've changed.
[00:35] (Flashback) Sas
    In just a few days, the stray
    dogs have been transformed
[00:39] (Flashback) Sas
    by a wolf that's mixed in with the pack.
[00:43] (Flashback) Sas
    What is his name?
[00:46] (Flashback) Hij
    Kondo Isao.
[00:49] (Flashback) Hij
    He's our general.
[00:53] (Flashback) Sas
    Kondo Isao...
[00:55] (Flashback) Sas
    He is both gentle and firm.
    A most mysterious man indeed.
SIGN    Farewell Shinsengumi Arc
    Part Six
SIGN    Undelivered Mail
[02:35] (Flashback) Hij
    Kondo Isao.
[02:38] (Flashback) Hij
    He's our general.
[02:40] [Messenger] ---
    I hope our child
    will be someone like that,
    and not a stiff like you.
SIGN    Watch the Farewell Shinsengumi Arc in a bright room and at a safe distance from your TV!!
[02:47] [Messenger] ---
    I hope our child
    will be someone like that,
    and not a stiff like you.
[02:49] [Messenger] ---
    Delete?
[02:51] (Flashback) Mat
    Oh?
[02:53] (Flashback) Mat
    That's a pretty trendy item you've
    got there. How unlike you.
[02:57] (Flashback) Sas
    L-Lord M-Matsudaira?!
[02:59] (Flashback) Mat
    Oh, yeah. You're newly wed, aren't you?
SIGN    Sasakawa's
[03:03] (Flashback) Mat
    The elite Sasaki is still human enough to
    flirt with his wife through email, huh?
[03:08] (Flashback) Sas
    Y-You've got it wrong!
[03:09] (Flashback) Sas
    She's at her parents' home for the birth,
    and it's easier to keep in touch—
[03:12] (Flashback) Mat
    Ah, so you're not flirting by email.
[03:15] (Flashback) Mat
    You already flirted to your heart's
    content someplace else, eh?
[03:18] (Flashback) Sas
    Knock it off!
[03:20] (Flashback) Sas
    I'm simply doing the bare
    minimum to keep in touch.
[03:23] (Flashback) Sas
    I don't even know how to type an email.
[03:25] (Flashback) Mat
    Unless you learn, you won't be able to
    seduce any girls in the era to come.
[03:29] (Flashback) Sas
    You're talking about cabaret
    girls, aren't you?!
[03:32] (Flashback) Sas
    What I want from you is your reply.
[03:36] (Flashback) Sas
    You've heard what they're saying, haven't you?
[03:40] (Flashback) Mat
    You mean the decree making
    them an official police force?
[03:44] (Flashback) Sas
    Yes. Ever since Kondo took charge,
    their work has been exemplary.
[03:50] (Flashback) Sas
    The brass want to bestow upon them a
    status befitting an important mission.
[03:54] (Flashback) Mat
    An important mission? Doing what, exactly?
[03:57] (Flashback) Sas
    Escorting the members of one
    of Tokugawa's three houses,
[04:00] (Flashback) Sas
    Lord Hitotsubashi Narinari
    and his son Nobunobu.
[04:04] (Flashback) Sas
    Or so they'll be told,
[04:07] (Flashback) Sas
    but they'll be attacked by rebels on the way.
[04:10] (Flashback) Sas
    Their job is to let the assassination succeed
[04:12] (Flashback) Sas
    and then take responsibility
    by disemboweling themselves.
[04:22] (Flashback) Mat
    That's not a job for police.
[04:25] (Flashback) Sas
    Exactly.
[04:27] (Flashback) Mat
    In order to eliminate the political enemies
    of Lord Sadasada, the current ruler,
[04:31] (Flashback) Mat
    you're telling me to
    sacrifice those stray dogs?
[04:35] (Flashback) Sas
    I suppose taking out one of
    the three Tokugawa houses
[04:37] (Flashback) Sas
    will require sufficient smoke and mirrors.
[04:41] (Flashback) Sas
    And it seems the brass never saw them
    as anything but sacrificial pawns.
[04:46] (Flashback) Mat
    What about you?
[04:48] (Flashback) Mat
    Do you still think that's all they're worth?
[04:55] (Flashback) Mat
    Talk about ironic.
[04:57] (Flashback) Mat
    We hold titles that are
    appropriate for samurai,
[05:00] (Flashback) Mat
    but we're too shackled by them to
    do anything befitting of samurai.
[05:05] (Flashback) Mat
    Unlike those guys, who try to act more
    like samurai than samurai themselves.
[05:10] (Flashback) Mat
    Who can say which of us
    are the real samurai here?
[05:15] (Flashback) Mat
    Sasaki, when is your child expected?
[05:19] (Flashback) Sas
    In a month's time.
[05:21] (Flashback) Mat
    I see.
[05:26] (Flashback) Mat
    In this era, you may not be able to do
    anything befitting a samurai or a father,
[05:32] (Flashback) Mat
    but you should at least
    respond to her emails.
[05:51] (Flashback) Oki
    What're we gonna do about the name?
[05:54] (Flashback) Hij
    The name? What are you talking about?
[05:56] (Flashback) Oki
    We can't call ourselves
    the Roshigumi anymore.
[06:00] (Flashback) Oki
    We're gonna become real samurai.
[06:04] (Flashback) Hij
    You're jumping the gun.
[06:07] (Flashback) Kon
    Either way, we came from Bushu with
    nothing but the clothes on our backs,
[06:12] (Flashback) Kon
    and finally made it this far.
[06:14] (Flashback) Sas
    What a coincidence.
[06:17] (Flashback) Sas
    I'm having a bit of trouble
    deciding on a name myself.
[06:22] [Messenger] ---
    It's almost time. Did you
    come up with a good name?
    I can't wait to see you
    with our child.
[06:22] (Flashback) Sas
    Oh, I'm talking about my child, though.
[06:25] (Flashback) Kon
    That's great news. Congrats.
[06:27] (Flashback) Sas
    But I have no idea how I should
    raise a child in this chaotic era,
[06:32] (Flashback) Sas
    or what kind of father I should be.
[06:36] (Flashback) Sas
    What kind of samurai do
    you people wish to be?
[06:43] (Flashback) Kon
    No idea.
[06:45] (Flashback) Kon
    Even after we become samurai,
[06:50] (Flashback) Kon
    and when the time comes
    for us to die as samurai,
[07:00] (Flashback) Kon
    we probably won't find an
    answer to that question.
[07:09] (Flashback) Kon
    But that's fine.
[07:15] (Flashback) Kon
    I believe that there isn't
    one true way of the samurai.
[07:20] (Flashback) Kon
    Losing your way, doubting yourself,
    seeking who you ought to be...
[07:24] (Flashback) Kon
    That attitude is what makes you a samurai.
[07:28] (Flashback) Kon
    So keep searching.
[07:30] (Flashback) Kon
    Keep struggling.
[07:32] (Flashback) Kon
    Choose your own true path and
[07:35] (Flashback) Kon
    push forward!
[07:39] (Flashback) Kon
    Yes, our name is...
[07:49] Hij
    The Shinsengumi!
[08:05] Mat
    Sasaki, you aren't exactly a
    goody-two-shoes yourself,
[08:09] Mat
    but don't underestimate how much of a
    scumbag a real Commissioner-General can be!
[08:16] Hij
    Commissioner-General,
[08:17] Hij
    you shouldn't control an organization
    you're not fit to lead.
[08:21] Hij
    If you can't remember how
    any of your men look,
[08:24] Hij
    you won't be able to babysit
    a bunch of thornies.
[08:32] Hij
    We're taking our general back.
[08:41] Kon
    Toshi...
[08:42] Hij
    Sorry to have kept you waiting, Kondo-san.
[08:45] Kon
    I'm the one who should be sorry.
[08:47] Kon
    My incompetence is what caused all this.
[08:50] Hij
    We're the same as you.
[08:53] Hij
    After all the agonizing and fretting we did,
[08:56] Hij
    we ended up back here again.
[09:01] Kon
    I see.
[09:03] Kon
    If we're dawdling about here,
[09:05] Kon
    then I guess we're still a long
    way off from our true paths.
[09:09] Hij
    Yeah, no doubt.
[09:11] Hij
    But there's one thing we've realized.
[09:13] Hij
    Be it our true path or a twisted one...
[09:17] Hij
    So long as we get to walk by your side,
[09:21] Hij
    we don't care where we go.
[09:25] Hij
    This is the path we chose, Kondo-san.
[09:32] Kon
    Then let's walk together.
[09:34] Kon
    Even if the road we walk takes us to Hell.
[09:38] Kon
    I will never let you guys go again.
[09:41] Kon
    Live with me and die with me,
[09:43] Kon
    Shinsengumi!
[09:48] Hij
    Out of the way, Sasaki!
[09:52] Sas
    If you wish to see the continuation of
    your dream, then force your way through.
[09:57] Sas
    Even if it means trampling
    over the dreams of others.
[10:32] Nob
    Why?
[10:33] Nob
    Why do you fight?
[10:36] Nob
    Why do you resist?
[10:38] Nob
    You Shinsengumi were supposed to
    vanish before you even came to be.
[10:42] Nob
    So why?
[10:44] Nob
    Why do you point your blades at Isaburo?
[10:48] Nob
    Why does Isaburo alone have to...
[10:56] [Messenger] ---
    Are you still having trouble
    deciding on a name? I'd be
    fine with any name you suggest.
[11:02] (Flashback) Sas
    Hey, whippersnapper.
[11:03] (Flashback) Sas
    You shouldn't eat up there.
[11:09] (Flashback) Nob
    I don't want to be told what or
    where to eat when I'm outside.
[11:14] (Flashback) Sak
    Sasaki-dono.
[11:17] (Flashback) Sas
    Sakon-dono, this isn't what I was told.
[11:20] (Flashback) Sak
    You mean this isn't an appropriate place
    to secretly plan an assassination?
[11:24] (Flashback) Sak
    Rest assured.
[11:26] (Flashback) Sak
    Those kids are the ones
    most suited to kill here.
[11:30] (Flashback) Sak
    They were taken in by Tenshoin Naraku
    and raised as killing machines.
[11:37] (Flashback) Sak
    In particular, that Mukuro girl is
    the bastard child of death itself.
[11:41] (Flashback) Sak
    She's skilled enough at her young age to
    be called one of the Three Wings of Naraku.
[11:46] (Flashback) Sak
    Are you dissatisfied?
[11:48] (Flashback) Sak
    Surely you don't mean to say you
    don't want to make children kill?
[11:54] (Flashback) Nob
    Are you going to do it or not?
[11:56] (Flashback) Nob
    Is it messed up for ignorant
    children to kill people?
[12:00] (Flashback) Nob
    Or is it more messed up for
    knowledgeable adults to kill people?
[12:04] (Flashback) Nob
    I'm a child, and yet I kill.
[12:07] [Messenger] ---
    Are you still having trouble
    deciding on a name? I'd be
    fine with any name you suggest.
[12:08] (Flashback) Nob
    You kill, and yet you worry about what
    name to give a child soon to be born.
[12:13] (Flashback) Nob
    We've both strayed off the right path.
[12:41] Obo
    You guys don't know when to give up.
[12:45] Obo
    Sasaki Isaburo...
[12:47] Obo
    That viper in our bosom.
[12:52] Obo
    His goal isn't to solidify the new
    government or his own position.
[12:57] Obo
    All he wants...
[13:00] (Flashback) Sak
    The plan will be put into
    motion on April 13th.
[13:03] (Flashback) Sak
    Escorting the targets will be the
    Roshigumi-turned-Shinsengumi.
[13:06] (Flashback) Sak
    Create an opening in a post town.
[13:08] (Flashback) Sak
    Ten seconds will be enough for those
    kids to take the father and son's heads.
[13:12] (Flashback) Sak
    The Shinsengumi may be sacrificed.
[13:15] (Flashback) Sak
    They'll end up having to
    disembowel themselves anyway.
[13:17] (Flashback) Kon
    All right, let's take a break here.
[13:20] (Flashback) Hij
    What about Lord Hitotsubashi, Kondo-san?
[13:23] (Flashback) Kon
    Matsudaira said not to let him out of the
    palanquin 'til we reach the destination.
[13:27] (Flashback) Hij
    Sheesh. So he basically told
    us not to take breaks, either?
[13:30] (Flashback) Kon
    This is the Shinsengumi's first mission.
[13:33] (Flashback) Kon
    We have to make sure it succeeds
    and show off our strength.
[13:38] (Flashback) Kon
    What?
[13:39] (Flashback) Kid
    Sorry!
[13:41] (Flashback) Kid
    Throw the ball back, old man!
[13:43] (Flashback) Kon
    Who are you calling an old man?!
[13:46] (Flashback) Hij
    A VIP's riding in that palanquin.
    Stay away from it.
[13:50] (Flashback) Hij
    Go play somewhere else, kid.
[13:52] (Flashback) Kid
    Oh, but...
[13:54] (Flashback) Kid
    There are scary old men with
    swords hiding all over the place.
[13:58] (Flashback) Hij
    Is that true, kid?
[14:00] (Flashback) Kon
    Could it be an ambush?
[14:01] (Flashback) Hij
    Hey! Check the area at once!
[14:04] (Flashback) Kon
    Where are those scary old men, kid—
[14:09] (Flashback) Kon
    Don't tell me!
[14:09] (Flashback) Hij
    Stop right there, kid!
[14:14] (Flashback) Kon
    I believe that there isn't
    one true way of the samurai.
[14:18] (Flashback) Kon
    Losing your way, doubting yourself,
    seeking who you ought to be...
[14:22] (Flashback) Kon
    That attitude is what makes you a samurai.
[14:25] (Flashback) Kon
    So feel free to doubt and lose
    yourself as much as you want.
[14:31] (Flashback) Kon
    About the baby's name, I mean.
[14:32] (Flashback) Kon
    That's how fathers are supposed
    to be, don't you think?
SIGN    O-Ero
[14:44] (Flashback) Kid
    Um, Lord Hitotsubashi,
    I bought the book you asked for.
[14:48] (Flashback) Mat
    Oh, good work.
[14:53] (Flashback) Kid
    Sorry, I was asked to do this.
[14:55] (Flashback) Kid
    A long-faced old man told me he'd pay me
    to deliver the porn mag to the palanquin.
[15:02] (Flashback) G
    E-Enemy attack!
[15:04] (Flashback) G
    For real this time!
[15:05] (Flashback) G
    Joi Rebels were lying in wait to ambush us!
[15:07] (Flashback) Kon
    Don't let them near the palanquin!
[15:10] (Flashback) Kon
    Let's roll, men!
[15:16] (Flashback) Mat
    Hey, I asked for a hardcore masochism book.
[15:20] (Flashback) Sas
    If you were killed holding something like that,
    your reputation would be ruined,
[15:23] (Flashback) Sas
    Lord Hitotsubashi—I mean, Lord Matsudaira.
[15:26] (Flashback) Mat
    Shut up, Long-Faced Old Man.
[15:30] (Flashback) Sas
    I leaked information to the Joi Rebels.
[15:33] (Flashback) Sas
    If you're lucky, they'll attack
    before the assassins do.
[15:38] (Flashback) Mat
    They already have.
[15:39] (Flashback) Mat
    Are you sure this will
    prevent the assassination?
[15:43] (Flashback) Sas
    If the assassination ends in
    failure due to unforeseen events,
[15:45] (Flashback) Sas
    the higher-ups won't be able to blame anyone.
[15:47] (Flashback) Sas
    So basically, their fate
    rests in their own hands.
[15:52] (Flashback) Sas
    Goodbye, then.
[15:53] (Flashback) Mat
    Wait, Sasaki.
[15:54] (Flashback) Mat
    Why did you lend us a hand?
[15:58] (Flashback) Sas
    I don't recall ever offering
    you a helping hand.
[16:01] (Flashback) Sas
    I only used my fingers to send emails.
[16:04] (Flashback) Sas
    I practiced using my cell phone, you see.
[16:06] [Messenger] ---
    It's a healthy baby girl.
    Sadly, she's inherited
    your long face, but she's
    very cute.
[16:06] (Flashback) Sas
    Anyway, I need to respond to my wife now.
[16:11] (Flashback) Sas
    I may not be able to become a
    fine samurai or a fine father,
[16:18] (Flashback) Sas
    but I do want to give her a fine name.
[16:31] Oki
    Sasaki saved us?
[16:35] Nob
    Not just you.
[16:37] Nob
    Back then, I think Isaburo
    tried to save us kids, too.
[16:41] Nob
    But there was nobody to save him.
[16:46] Nob
    Nobody could.
[16:51] (Flashback) Sas
    I finally thought of a nice name.
[16:54] (Flashback) Sas
    I'm sure you'll like this one, too.
[16:58] (Flashback) Sas
    When are you getting here?
SIGN    Sending failed.
[17:01] (Flashback) Sas
    Email me once you're nearby.
[17:04] (Flashback) Sas
    Actually, email me even if you're far away.
SIGN    Sending failed.
SIGN    Sending failed.
[17:07] (Flashback) Sas
    I will come pick you up wherever you are.
[17:37] (Flashback) Sas
    I will come pick up
[17:39] (Flashback) Sas
    both you and Nobume.
[18:01] Obo
    The crow didn't kill its target.
[18:06] Obo
    And Sasaki didn't kill his.
[18:09] Obo
    Because he saw at the time the
    enemy he really ought to cut down.
[18:15] Obo
    He's trying to dye this era
    in the colors of rebellion.
[18:20] Obo
    By making you guys start a revolt,
[18:22] Obo
    he's trying to end the samurai
    era, along with himself.
[18:28] Obo
    He is but a rebel, just like you people.
[18:44] Hij
    What's going on?
[18:49] Sas
    Playing the villain is no
    walk in the park, I must say.
[18:54] Sas
    I have enemies all over the place.
[18:56] Sas
    It doesn't seem like anyone's willing
    to be my mail buddy, either.
[19:01] Sas
    Very well.
[19:02] Sas
    As the evil overlord, I shall
    take you all on at once.
[19:06] Sas
    But Hijikata-san...
[19:09] Sas
    I can't take on a demon
    like you while distracted.
[19:12] Sas
    Could you please wait a while?
[19:18] Nob
    Isaburo fired a burning arrow
    of rebellion at society.
[19:22] Nob
    But Naraku's trying to extinguish
    every last spark of it.
[19:27] Nob
    That's why Isaburo
[19:33] Nob
    plans on using the flames being lit here.
[19:40] Nob
    He wants to destroy everything and
    significantly weaken the country.
[19:47] Oki
    Are you gonna sit back and watch your
    general commit suicide with the country?
[19:52] Nob
    That is my duty.
[19:58] (Flashback) Sas
    Why didn't you cut me down, whippersnapper?
[20:01] (Flashback) Sas
    Back then, you said we were already
    murderers who'd strayed off the right path.
[20:07] (Flashback) Sas
    Well, you were right.
[20:10] (Flashback) Sas
    Right now, I feel no hesitation
    to kill a child like you.
[20:15] (Flashback) Sas
    So why...
[20:17] (Flashback) Sas
    Why are you shedding those?
[20:20] (Flashback) Nob
    I don't know.
[20:22] (Flashback) Nob
    I don't know where these are coming from.
[20:26] (Flashback) Nob
    I don't know why I can't cut you down.
[20:28] (Flashback) Nob
    I don't know why I must kill all of you.
[20:32] (Flashback) Nob
    A certain someone once told me something...
[20:36] (Flashback) Nob
    He said people are born weak,
[20:39] (Flashback) Nob
    but we have the freedom to defy our weaknesses
    and struggle to change ourselves.
[20:49] (Flashback) Nob
    Maybe that's why.
[20:51] (Flashback) Nob
    You were struggling with all your might.
[20:55] (Flashback) Nob
    I must struggle, too.
[20:58] (Flashback) Nob
    I don't deserve to kill you.
[21:01] (Flashback) Nob
    The only thing I deserve
    is to be killed by you.
[21:10] (Flashback) Sas
    If you wish to be cut down, then I won't.
[21:15] (Flashback) Sas
    What I really need to cut down
[21:18] (Flashback) Sas
    is this era where the country
    commits such acts of brutality.
[21:22] (Flashback) Sas
    And myself, for being unable to
    protect anything from this era.
[21:29] (Flashback) Sas
    Keep swinging your sword for my sake.
[21:33] (Flashback) Sas
    And when the time comes, use it to kill me.
[21:39] (Flashback) Sas
    That is my vengeance.
[21:45] Nob
    Yes, that is my duty.
[21:49] Nob
    Even though I took everything from
    Isaburo, I couldn't cut him down.
[21:54] Nob
    I made him live on.
[21:56] Nob
    But this time, for sure, I must kill him.
[22:00] Nob
    I have to put an end to that man.
[22:05] Kag
    Stop right there!
[22:08] Kag
    That's enough.
[22:10] Kag
    You two have done enough.
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Farewell Shinsengumi Arc
    Part Seven
[23:45] G
    Just who...
[23:46] Obo
    It wouldn't be any fun otherwise.
[23:46] Gin
    Who the hell is that?!
SIGN    Karma
[23:47] G
    You know.
[23:49] ---
    In the past, Sasaki chose to uphold
    his pride as samurai,
[23:49] ---
    deceived the Tendoshu,
    and lost everything.
[23:56] ---
    As Gintoki and the rest keep
    struggling against their fates,
[23:56] ---
    a reaper, a crow, suddenly
    swoops down before them.

E314 - Farewell Shinsengumi Arc Part Seven: Karma

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:01] (Flashback) Sas
    Keep swinging your sword for my sake.
[00:04] (Flashback) Sas
    And when the time comes, use it to kill me.
[00:09] (Flashback) Sas
    That is my vengeance.
[00:13] Nob
    Yes, that is my duty.
[00:16] Nob
    This time, for sure, I must kill him.
[00:21] Kag
    Stop right there!
[00:23] Kag
    That's enough.
[00:24] Kag
    You two have done enough.
[00:33] G
    Fire!
[00:40] Hij
    What the hell?
[00:42] Hij
    Why are the Mimawarigumi and Naraku fighting?
[00:45] Hij
    Did you betray the bakufu, Sasaki?!
[00:50] Mat
    You've got it wrong.
[00:52] Hij
    Pops!
[00:54] Mat
    You have to be on someone's
    side to betray them.
[00:58] Kon
    Shimaru!
[00:59] Kon
    Hang in there, Shimaru!
[01:04] Mat
    But he never had any allies to betray.
[01:12] Mat
    He saw the bakufu, us, his men, and even
    himself as enemies he ought to destroy.
[01:19] Mat
    Isn't that right?
[01:22] Sas
    That's rude, Lord Matsudaira.
[01:25] Sas
    I do have someone I can
    have email exchanges with.
[01:30] Sas
    It's just that I haven't been able to send
    an important email for a long time.
[01:37] Sas
    Reception's been poor, you see.
[01:40] Sas
    But I'm sure it'll go through from here.
[01:50] Sas
    From this place atop the
    ruins of this country...
[01:53] Sas
    Atop a mountain of samurai corpses.
SIGN    Farewell Shinsengumi Arc
    Part Seven
SIGN    Karma
SIGN    Watch the Farewell Shinsengumi Arc in a bright
    room and at a safe distance from your TV!!
[03:50] Obo
    The time for judgment has come, White Yaksha.
[03:57] Obo
    No matter what he may be planning,
[04:00] Obo
    no matter how you struggle,
[04:03] Obo
    this country will not change.
[04:12] Obo
    But you may rejoice, White Yaksha.
[04:15] Obo
    Your persistent howling
[04:18] Obo
    has at last reached the heavens.
[04:21] Obo
    And they will bring judgment down
    upon you with their own hands.
[04:25] Obo
    That's...
[04:42] Oki
    What the hell are you playing at?
[04:46] Oki
    Get out of the way.
[04:48] Oki
    Do you really want me to?
[04:50] Oki
    If you're really up for this
    fight, then keep going.
[04:53] Oki
    But if you're having doubts, then stop.
[04:55] Oki
    If you two were actually serious,
    though, I wouldn't still be standing.
[05:01] Oki
    At this rate, both the black police and
    the white police will be destroyed.
[05:05] Oki
    This is no time to be fighting each other.
[05:08] Oki
    Whose fault do you think that is?
[05:10] Oki
    They...
[05:11] Kag
    I don't know about them,
[05:14] Kag
    but I do know her.
[05:17] Kag
    I don't know what she did in the past,
[05:20] Kag
    but I do know who she is now.
[05:24] Kag
    She's not a bad guy.
[05:28] Nob
    Even if I cut you down from behind?
[05:31] Nob
    You don't know a thing.
[05:33] Nob
    I'm someone who can stab you in the back.
[05:38] Kag
    Go ahead.
[05:40] Kag
    If that's what you really
    wanna do, then feel free.
[05:49] Kag
    But
[05:52] Kag
    don't cry anymore.
[05:55] Kag
    Don't lie to yourself anymore.
[05:59] Kag
    I used to be just like you.
[06:01] Kag
    But I changed after meeting everyone here.
[06:07] Kag
    This is a planet of freedom.
[06:09] Kag
    Everyone here is free to live as they see fit.
[06:16] Nob
    I could kill whoever I was ordered to.
[06:21] Nob
    That's how I was raised.
[06:23] Nob
    That's how I've lived my life.
[06:26] Nob
    But when I met that man, I turned weird.
[06:31] Nob
    I ended up wanting to live like him.
[06:37] Nob
    For the first time, I was unable to kill someone.
[06:41] Nob
    Even after taking everything from him,
[06:43] Nob
    I couldn't finish him off.
[06:46] Nob
    All I can do now is put an end to Isaburo.
[07:00] (Flashback) Sas
    Do you hate the thought
    of killing people now?
[07:06] (Flashback) Nob
    Not really.
[07:11] (Flashback) Sas
    You like donuts, don't you?
[07:27] (Flashback) Sas
    Eat up.
[07:29] (Flashback) Sas
    From now on,
[07:31] (Flashback) Sas
    I'll eat with you.
[07:47] Kag
    Nobume!
[07:49] Kag
    Hey, pull yourself together!
[07:55] Kag
    Attention, all squads on Kokujo Island.
[07:59] Kag
    Withdraw from combat at once.
[08:02] Kag
    The aerial squads are to keep
    the enemy fleet occupied
[08:06] Kag
    and provide cover fire for
    the ground troops to escape.
[08:08] G
    Is this Vice Commander Imai?!
[08:10] G
    But the Commander-General ordered us to keep
    fighting until the enemy was wiped out!
[08:14] G
    The Commander-General
    probably isn't coming back.
[08:18] G
    From here on, prioritize your
    own lives above all else.
[08:23] G
    Even if the Mimawarigumi are no more.
[08:27] Sas
    Wait a second!
[08:30] Sas
    Just what happened, Nobume-san?
[08:33] Sas
    Nobume-san!
[08:39] Kag
    Nobume!
[08:42] Nob
    Go.
[08:44] Nob
    Quickly, before I change my mind.
[08:49] Nob
    If you don't hurry,
[08:54] Nob
    he'll come.
[09:07] Nob
    Capable of taking the entire country's life,
[09:14] Nob
    he is a real crow, a real reaper.
[09:29] U
    Mukuro,
[09:31] U
    you betray your master not once, but twice?
[09:36] U
    The first time, it was me.
[09:40] U
    Now, it's him.
[09:44] U
    Your orders were the same both times...
[09:47] U
    To kill that man.
[09:53] (Flashback) Sas
    Kill me.
[09:55] (Flashback) Sas
    That is my vengeance.
[10:00] Nob
    I won't take orders from anyone anymore.
[10:05] (Flashback) Sas
    Eat up.
[10:06] (Flashback) Sas
    From now on, I'll eat with you.
[10:11] Nob
    Be it Isaburo, or you people.
[10:18] Nob
    No matter who I have to kill,
[10:21] Nob
    I'll swing my sword of my own free will.
[10:24] Nob
    That is my atonement!
[10:30] U
    Mukuro,
[10:31] U
    it seems that your wings
    were clipped long ago.
[10:38] U
    You can't fly anywhere with
    the ones you have left.
[10:42] U
    There's nowhere you can run.
[10:49] U
    None may escape from a
    true Yatagarasu's wings.
[11:03] U
    Oh?
[11:04] U
    We have a rare rabbit of the night with us.
[11:07] U
    But it doesn't know how to
    correctly use its body yet.
[11:21] U
    You're all fated to die either way.
[11:25] U
    The order matters not to me...
[11:29] U
    Mukuro.
[11:59] Oki
    Am I trembling with excitement?
[12:01] Oki
    Unfortunately, that doesn't
    seem to be the case.
[12:06] Oki
    It's not like I'm afraid,
[12:08] Oki
    but my body has realized before my brain
[12:12] Oki
    that for the first time,
    I'm faced with an enemy
[12:16] Oki
    I might not be able to beat!
[12:31] Oki
    Who the hell are you?
[12:36] U
    Utsuro.
[12:38] Nob
    A crow who served, and eventually
    reached, the heavens.
[12:42] Nob
    Former leader of the Tenshoin Naraku,
[12:46] Nob
    and a man who became one of the Tendoshu,
[12:48] Nob
    Utsuro!
[12:53] Hij
    Out of the way!
[12:56] Hij
    Where's Kondo-san?
[12:58] Hij
    And where the hell is Sasaki?!
[13:00] Mat
    Watch out, Toshi!
[13:03] Hij
    Katsura?!
[13:05] All
    Vice Chief!
[13:06] Kat
    I'm glad you're all right, Matsudaira, Hijikata.
[13:09] Kat
    What's going on here?
[13:11] Mat
    It's all going according to Sasaki's plans.
[13:13] Mat
    Everyone's been split up,
    both allies and enemies.
[13:15] Kat
    There's no time.
[13:17] Kat
    If we don't act during this chaos, we won't
    get another chance to escape this island.
[13:21] Hij
    We've already told our men.
[13:23] Hij
    The longer this operation drags on,
    the harder it'll be to escape.
[13:27] Hij
    An hour and a half.
[13:31] Hij
    Once that time passes, they've been told to
    retreat, whatever situation they're in.
[13:36] Hij
    Pops.
[13:37] Hij
    Gather our troops and slip
    through the enemy barricade.
[13:40] Hij
    There's a decoy squad standing by out at sea.
[13:43] G
    V-Vice Chief...
[13:45] G
    Even if Kondo-san and I don't return,
    run away without waiting for us.
[13:50] G
    Whether I make it back or not,
[13:53] G
    this is my final order as
    Shinsengumi Vice Chief.
[13:58] G
    You will obey it, won't you?
[14:01] Shin
    That's...
[14:02] Ymz
    The signal to retreat.
[14:04] Shin
    What about Kondo-san's rescue?
[14:06] Ymz
    We'll just have to assume it succeeded.
[14:11] G
    Now!
[14:12] G
    Retreat!
[14:16] Ymz
    We'll make use of that cover fire, too!
[14:18] Ymz
    Retreat!
[14:29] U
    Too bad.
[14:32] U
    My wings span far and wide.
[14:35] U
    Not a single rat may escape their reach.
[14:39] Ymz
    C—
[14:40] Ymz
    Captain Okita!
[14:43] Obo
    Utsuro-sama.
[14:45] Obo
    You needn't stain your hands with the
    blood of these vulgar rodents any further.
[14:54] Obo
    We'll take care of the rest.
[14:56] U
    Good grief.
[14:58] U
    Treating me like a retired
    senior citizen, are we?
[15:01] U
    It isn't often I get to
    descend to the surface.
[15:03] U
    Let me have a little fun.
[15:06] Obo
    I hate to say this, Utsuro-sama,
[15:09] Obo
    but the rat you were most fascinated by
[15:14] Obo
    was already blown away by
    a mere flap of your wings.
[15:18] U
    Oh.
[15:20] U
    That's a shame.
[15:23] Ymz
    Shinpachi-kun!
[15:29] Oki
    Run!
[15:31] Oki
    Hurry up and run away!
[15:34] U
    Oh? You still breathe?
[15:42] U
    It wouldn't be any fun otherwise.
[15:48] Shin
    Okita-san!
[15:50] U
    If you have risen in a bid
    to change this country,
[15:53] U
    then you mustn't lose heart over this.
[15:56] U
    Muster up every last ounce
    of strength you have.
[16:00] G
    Commander-General, are you all right?!
[16:03] G
    We can't reach the vice commander.
[16:06] G
    What are we to do—
[16:08] Sas
    Sheesh.
[16:09] Sas
    You ordered the men to retreat,
    but you're still there after all, huh?
[16:15] Sas
    You realized that my plan was never
    going to succeed, didn't you?
[16:19] Sas
    Even if we mustered up everything we had,
[16:22] Sas
    it still wouldn't be enough to topple
    this country or the heavens, huh?
[16:29] Sas
    I never imagined you would act this way.
[16:33] Sas
    I suppose even elites have
    a lot they don't know.
[16:38] Sas
    Like why you continue to fight
    there instead of abandoning me...
[16:45] Sas
    Or why I'm heading there.
[16:57] Nob
    Got you.
[17:00] U
    There's no one on your
    side who can move, either.
[17:11] Gin
    Oh, there is.
[17:15] Gin
    There's one right here!
[18:15] Oki
    He's actually going toe-to-toe
    with that monster.
[18:19] Oki
    Is he dealing with that swordsmanship
    on pure instinct alone?
[18:23] Oki
    No, it looks more like...
[18:26] Oki
    He's familiar with that sword?
[18:30] Oki
    Like having a chance reunion with a
    sword it has crossed thousands of times,
[18:34] Oki
    only his sword is reacting.
[18:39] Oki
    Boss, don't tell me...
[18:47] U
    You know my sword, don't you?
[18:53] U
    If so, then it's probably
[18:58] U
    in a memory
[19:02] U
    of defeat you cannot wipe away.
[19:05] ---
    You know
[19:09] (Flashback) U
    that your sword
[19:11] U
    can't reach me.
[19:27] Kag
    Gin-chan!
[19:37] Gin
    Even if my sword can't reach you,
[19:41] Gin
    our sword will.
[19:44] Gin
    Begone, specter.
[20:13] Obo
    White Yaksha.
[20:15] Obo
    No matter how many times you cut him down,
[20:17] Obo
    you can't escape
[20:21] Obo
    the karma you took upon yourself back then.
[20:28] Obo
    So long as you defy the heavens,
[20:34] Obo
    you're fated to keep killing that man.
[20:41] Oki
    H-His wound...
[20:44] U
    Like I said, your sword can't cut me.
[21:00] Ymz
    Now! Retreat!
[21:01] Ymz
    On the double!
[21:18] Oki
    Boss!
[21:20] Oki
    We can't last any longer.
[21:24] Obo
    After them.
[21:27] Obo
    Don't let a single one escape.
[21:39] Gin
    Just who...
[21:41] Gin
    Who the hell is that?!
[21:45] Nob
    Someone who's both Shoyo
    and not at the same time.
[21:49] Nob
    One thing's for sure.
[21:52] Nob
    You're not the one who killed Shoyo.
[21:57] Nob
    It was him!
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Preview
[23:36] Nob
    Is there any point to this?
[23:37] Sas
    Not really. I just came up with it right now.
[23:41] Nob
    We agreed that I'd be the one to kill you!
SIGN    Farewell Shinsengumi Arc
    Part Eight
[23:44] Sas
    I'll trust you with the rest.
[23:46] Sas
    After all, you're an elite's child.
[23:47] Nob
    Isaburo...
[23:48] Sas
    I need to send an email.
[23:49] ---
    Shinsengumi and Mimawarigumi...
[23:49] ---
    Reunions and farewells...
[23:54] ---
    The generals of both organizations
    are faced with
[23:54] ---
    their greatest crisis...
    and a life-or-death decision.

E315 - Farewell Shinsengumi Arc Part Eight: Nobume

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] Obo
    No matter how many times you cut him down,
[00:02] Obo
    you can't escape
[00:03] Obo
    the karma you took upon yourself back then.
[00:07] Obo
    So long as you defy the heavens,
[00:10] Obo
    you're fated to keep killing that man.
[00:15] Gin
    Just who...
[00:16] Gin
    Who the hell is that?!
[00:20] Nob
    Someone who's both Shoyo
    and not at the same time.
[00:24] Nob
    One thing's for sure.
[00:27] Nob
    You're not the one who killed Shoyo.
[00:32] Nob
    It was him!
SIGN    Watch the Farewell Shinsengumi Arc in a bright
    room and at a safe distance from your TV!!
[02:11] Shin
    There are enemies over here, too!
[02:13] Shin
    We have nowhere to run!
[02:15] Gin
    Damn it!
[02:16] Both
    Damn it all!
[02:30] Kat
    Judging from this situation,
[02:32] Kat
    even if we do find the
    men who were left behind,
[02:35] Kat
    we won't be able to escape!
[02:37] Hij
    Then why'd you come with
    me when you're so hurt?
[02:43] Kat
    Probably the same reason as you.
[02:46] Kat
    Actually, I suppose everyone
    still fighting here is the same.
[02:52] Kat
    People prattle on about ideals, convictions,
    and whatnot when in a safe place,
[03:02] Kat
    but only when we're on the verge
    of death do we first realize
[03:05] Kat
    that we simply wish to live
    beside the ones we trust
[03:12] Kat
    and die by their sides.
[03:16] Kat
    That's all we, as humans, really care about.
[03:26] (Flashback) Sas
    All this while, you've
    worked hard for my sake.
[03:32] (Flashback) Sas
    Starting tomorrow, you're the vice
    commander of the Mimawarigumi,
[03:36] (Flashback) Sas
    Imai Nobume.
[03:40] (Flashback) Nob
    What's with that weird name?
[03:43] (Flashback) Sas
    A police officer can't go by an ominous
    name like "Mukuro," meaning "corpse."
[03:49] (Flashback) Nob
    What's in a name?
[03:51] (Flashback) Nob
    Or is there a point in giving me
    a name so easy to stumble on?
[03:57] [Messenger] ---
    Have you decided on a name for the baby yet?
[04:01] (Flashback) Sas
    Not really.
[04:04] (Flashback) Sas
    I just came up with it right now.
[04:31] G
    This way! Hurry!
[04:33] G
    What's keeping the chief and the others?
[04:35] G
    This is bad. The Mimawarigumi
    are dropping like flies.
[04:38] G
    At this rate, we'll go down, too.
[04:40] Tae
    Shin-chan...
[04:41] Tae
    Everyone...
[04:44] Sas
    What is the meaning of this?
[04:48] Kon
    Relax.
[04:50] Kon
    I did it not to help you,
[04:53] Kon
    but because I wanted your help.
[04:56] Sas
    What are you talking about?
[04:59] Kon
    I didn't get away in time.
[05:01] Kon
    I've got a bunch of snails
    as companions, you see.
[05:04] Kon
    The white ones, especially.
    All they do is whine.
[05:07] Sas
    Don't tell me
[05:09] Sas
    you're lagging behind here because you
    picked up wounded enemy soldiers.
[05:14] Kon
    There are no allies or enemies when it
    comes to people who can't fight anymore.
[05:19] Sas
    Are you implying I don't
    have any fight left in me?
[05:22] Sas
    Your men risked their lives
    by coming here to save you.
[05:28] Sas
    Are you going to waste all their
    efforts just for the sake of
[05:31] Sas
    dead or enemy soldiers?
[05:34] Kon
    That's not it.
[05:36] Kon
    If I abandoned them so I could survive,
[05:40] Kon
    the man named Kondo Isao would die.
[05:42] Kon
    They risked their lives for my sake.
[05:46] Kon
    So I must respond in kind.
[05:48] Kon
    I have to risk my life to protect
    the "Kondo Isao" they believe in.
[05:54] Kon
    A leader's crown doesn't rest on his head.
[05:59] Kon
    It rests on the ideals of all his men!
[06:05] Sas
    Those eyes.
[06:07] Sas
    Swayed by those very eyes,
    I tried to act like a true samurai
[06:11] Sas
    and ended up being neither a
    samurai nor a father anymore.
[06:16] Sas
    Sasaki Isaburo died a long time ago.
[06:20] Sas
    A dead man has nothing to protect,
    nor any self to uphold.
[06:27] Kon
    Then where were you trying to go?
[06:31] Kon
    After losing everything you had and
    seeking to destroy everything else,
[06:35] Kon
    where were you so desperately
    dragging yourself to?
[06:40] Kon
    There was a sliver...
[06:42] Kon
    There was something even you
    had left to protect, right?
[06:49] Kon
    How are you still not getting it, Sasaki?
[06:53] Kon
    Right now, you have the eyes of a samurai...
[06:57] Kon
    Maybe even those of a father.
[07:02] Kon
    You're—
[07:03] Sas
    Don't say any more.
[07:09] Sas
    There's no way I could admit
[07:12] Sas
    that the girl who killed my wife and child,
[07:15] Sas
    the girl I kept by my side
    so I could exact revenge,
[07:26] Sas
    was the only name left in my address book.
[07:32] Sas
    I intended to delete all my contacts.
[07:36] Sas
    But right at the very end,
[07:38] [Messenger] ---
    I will come pick both you and Nobume
[07:39] Sas
    I just couldn't bring myself
    to delete that name.
[07:40] [Messenger] ---
    Nobume
[07:44] Sas
    It wasn't a name meant to be
    given on a whim, apparently.
[07:50] Sas
    And even if I tried to email her now,
    I don't think it would reach her.
[07:55] Kon
    Nah.
[07:56] Kon
    Your email has long since been delivered.
[08:01] Kon
    Just as you tried to protect them,
[08:06] Kon
    they must be fighting to protect you, too.
[08:12] Kon
    So don't give up.
[08:15] Kon
    If we can just make it through here...
[08:18] Kon
    If we can just hang on,
[08:20] Kon
    I'm sure we'll be able to see them again!
[09:18] G
    Shinsengumi Chief Kondo Isao.
[09:21] G
    Mimawari Commander Sasaki Isaburo.
[09:23] G
    No doubt about it.
[09:25] Obo
    Well done.
[09:27] Obo
    This is the end.
[09:29] Obo
    The banners you lot were
    holding aloft are now gone.
[09:33] Obo
    It's over.
[09:49] Gin
    It's not over yet!
[09:54] Gin
    Don't you dare end it yourself!
[09:58] (Flashback) Kon
    No matter whose corpse
    you have to walk over,
[10:01] (Flashback) Kon
    there are some things that must be protected.
[10:05] (Flashback) Kon
    Give Toshi and the others a message for me.
[10:06] (Flashback) Kon
    Tell them that Edo still needs them.
[10:10] Gin
    Look forward!
[10:13] Gin
    Grip your swords!
[10:16] Gin
    Fight, Shinsengumi!
[10:36] Mat
    There's no time!
[10:38] Mat
    Whether they're dressed in black or
    white, don't let anyone else die!
[10:41] Mat
    We are the police force that has
    protected Edo all this while!
[10:45] Mat
    Show them just how strong we can be!
[10:54] Obo
    Why are they...
[11:00] Sas
    Kondo-san, you were right.
[11:04] Sas
    It seems my email had indeed been delivered.
[11:06] [Messenger] ---
    Help the Shinsengumi and escape this island with them.
[11:10] Obo
    So it was you, Sasaki.
[11:14] Obo
    Did your police blood start
    boiling in your final moments?
[11:19] Obo
    What could you possibly save
    with your filthy hands?
[11:24] Nob
    Isaburo!
[11:34] Sas
    So we won't change after all.
[11:36] Sas
    We can't change...
[11:38] Sas
    Neither you guys nor me.
[11:43] Sas
    I struggled with all my might,
[11:45] Sas
    but I ended up making the same mistake again.
[12:01] Sas
    Yes. Yet again, I ended up
[12:04] Sas
    staking it all on those eyes.
[12:06] Sas
    The eyes of a samurai.
[12:27] Kon
    I realized that I'd forgotten something,
[12:30] Kon
    so I did the crawl stroke
    back from the River Styx.
[12:34] Kon
    I told you, didn't I?
[12:36] Kon
    That I wouldn't leave you guys behind
    anymore, even if we're going to hell.
[12:46] Hij
    Good grief.
[12:49] Hij
    You came back to life just
    to drag us down with you?
[12:54] Hij
    Then we can't hand you over to
    anyone, be it Enma or Buddha.
[13:03] Kon
    Let's go, Shinsengumi!
[13:06] Kon
    Not to heaven or hell.
[13:08] Kon
    Let's go back to our Edo alive!
[13:13] All
    Yeah!
[13:22] (Flashback) Sas
    Kondo-san.
[13:23] (Flashback) Sas
    It'll be impossible to make it
    past all these assassins alive.
[13:29] (Flashback) Sas
    What choice do we have but to die, then?
[13:32] (Flashback) Sas
    My men told me
[13:35] (Flashback) Sas
    that they found something strange
    lying in your prison cells.
[13:41] (Flashback) Kat
    Take that pill.
[13:44] (Flashback) Kat
    It'll let you die without having to wait
    for your execution.
[13:47] (Flashback) Kat
    That said, it'll only be a
    suspended animation of sorts.
[13:51] (Flashback) Sas
    If you still have it, take it now.
[13:54] (Flashback) Sas
    Though I don't know if that wound
    will be enough to trick them.
[13:58] (Flashback) Kon
    Sasaki, you...
[14:03] Hij
    Why?
[14:05] Hij
    Why'd you protect Kondo-san by
    acting like you'd killed him?
[14:13] Sas
    Protecting him was never my intention.
[14:18] Sas
    It wasn't back then, either.
[14:21] Sas
    I simply didn't want to lose to you people.
[14:26] Sas
    But I had no idea how to beat you.
[14:32] Sas
    However,
[14:36] Sas
    I finally managed to figure
    it out, at the very end.
[14:40] Sas
    It may have only been for a moment,
[14:42] Sas
    but I got to play the man who defeated
    the Shinsengumi chief, Kondo Isao.
[14:48] Sas
    I couldn't be happier.
[15:01] Mat
    Hurry!
[15:02] Mat
    We won't last much longer!
[15:10] Hij
    Kondo-san!
[15:11] Hij
    Kondo-san!
[15:12] Hij
    Damn it!
[15:23] Nob
    Isaburo, wake up.
[15:27] Nob
    You can't die here. I won't accept it.
[15:31] Nob
    I promised that I'd be the one
[15:37] Nob
    to kill you!
[15:40] Nob
    So I won't die yet,
[15:45] Nob
    nor let you die.
[15:52] Sas
    I forgot about that ancient
    promise a long time ago.
[15:59] Sas
    If you let its rusted chains tie you down,
[16:02] Sas
    you'll die, too.
[16:04] Nob
    Why should you care about what happens
    to the person who killed your family?
[16:10] Sas
    But is the killer really here at all?
[16:18] Sas
    I found something rather odd back then.
[16:23] Sas
    Bloodstains leading away from the scene.
[16:27] Sas
    You weren't the only one who
    attacked my wife, were you?
[16:34] Sas
    The attendants were all killed,
[16:37] Sas
    which means that blood
    was shed by an attacker.
[16:40] Sas
    Who could've hurt the assassins so badly?
[16:47] Sas
    It could only have been the
    bastard child of death itself.
[16:51] Sas
    I'd always been aware of the possibility
[16:56] Sas
    that you didn't kill my wife and child,
    but actually tried to protect them.
[17:04] Sas
    And despite being aware of it,
    I called you my enemy
[17:08] Sas
    and used you to further my vengeance.
[17:12] Sas
    I'm not worth risking your life to protect.
[17:17] Sas
    And there's no reason for you
    to let yourself be used anymore.
[17:23] Nob
    Isaburo...
[17:26] Nob
    I am your enemy.
[17:29] Nob
    Let's just go with that.
[17:31] Nob
    I'm just like you.
[17:36] Nob
    You wanted someone to stay by your
    side, even if it was an enemy.
[17:41] Nob
    I wanted to stay by someone's side,
    even if they called me their enemy.
[17:49] Nob
    You didn't want to be alone.
[17:52] Nob
    I didn't want you to be alone.
[17:56] Nob
    Isn't just that enough for
    us to stay beside each other?
[18:03] Nob
    So please stand up.
[18:06] Nob
    Don't stop walking.
[18:08] Nob
    We've lost everything again,
[18:12] Nob
    but this isn't like back then.
[18:14] Nob
    The name you gave me will never disappear.
[18:19] Nob
    Imai Nobume will never leave your side!
[18:24] Nob
    No matter how many times
    we experience loss,
[18:27] Nob
    as long as we don't turn
    a blind eye ourselves...
[18:38] Nob
    We are not alone.
[18:43] G
    This is it!
[18:44] G
    If we don't take off, the ship will—
[18:48] Hij
    Not yet!
[18:49] Hij
    Just you try taking off!
[18:51] Hij
    I'll clip your wings!
[18:57] Hij
    Hurry!
[19:09] [Messenger] ---
    How about the name "Tomoko," meaning "Affable Girl"?
    I don't have many friends, so I'd like to name her that
    in hopes that she is blessed with lots of them.
[19:20] [Messenger] ---
    Then how about the name "Kyoko" (Cooperative Girl)?
    I'm not the cooperative sort,
    so I'd like to name her that
    in hopes that she can work together
    with others to achieve her goals.
[19:30] [Messenger] ---
    How about "Yuko," meaning "Gentle Girl"?
    In hopes that she'd grow up to be
    a kind girl who cares about others.
[19:37] [Messenger] ---
    Then let's go with "Ganko," meaning "Strong-Willed Girl."
    She'll grow up to be like you,
    someone with a strong will,
    who won't give in to anyone.
[19:44] [Messenger] ---
    Why don't you come up with something, then?
    Whatever. Let's just go with "Vag***."
[19:55] Hij
    Take off!
[20:19] (Flashback) Sas
    There are so many meanings I
    want in a name, I can't decide.
[20:23] (Flashback) Sas
    I'm too elite for my own good.
[20:31] (Flashback) Sas
    The name doesn't matter, I suppose...
[20:37] (Flashback) Sas
    So long as she lives strong.
[20:53] (Flashback) Sas
    As for the rest, I'll just believe in her.
[20:56] (Flashback) Sas
    After all, she's an elite's child.
SIGN    Nobume, "Girl of Faith"
[21:03] (Flashback) Sas
    I'd better send an email.
[21:11] Nob
    Isaburo!
[21:26] Sas
    I'm glad I believed in you.
[21:29] Sas
    You have lots of friends,
[21:32] Sas
    get along with everyone,
[21:35] Sas
    and are both gentle and firm...
[21:39] Sas
    Nobume-san.
[21:43] Sas
    My email was finally delivered.
[21:51] Sas
    Isaburo!
SIGN    Farewell Shinsengumi Arc
    Part Eight
SIGN    Nobume
SIGN    Preview
[23:36] Nob
    Thank you for giving me such
    a wonderful name, Isaburo.
[23:39] HB1
    Her police came back, didn't they?
[23:44] Kon
    We're off.
SIGN    Farewell Shinsengumi Arc
    Part Nine
SIGN    Farewell Shinsengumi
[23:49] ---
    When black and white mix together,
[23:49] ---
    where will it lead them?
[23:55] ---
    Next time, the Farewell Shinsengumi Arc
[23:55] ---
    reaches its conclusion!!!

E316 - Farewell Shinsengumi Arc Part Nine: Farewell Shinsengumi

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:09] Ymz
    Yamazaki Sagaru's observation report:
[00:14] Ymz
    As a Shinsengumi inspector,
    I've performed stakeouts at many locations
[00:19] Ymz
    and have written observation reports on them,
[00:22] Ymz
    but never did I imagine
[00:24] Ymz
    that the last report I'd ever
    write would be on this place...
SIGN    Shinsengumi
[00:32] Sign
    The gang of degenerates that
    plotted to overthrow the bakufu,
[00:35] Sign
    Shinsengumi.
[00:38] Sign
    That name may well go down in
    history as a group of traitors.
[00:44] Sign
    In case that day does come,
    I record the truth here so—
[00:49] Sign
    No, the truth is...
[00:56] Sign
    To be honest, I don't even know
    if what we did was good or bad.
[01:06] Sign
    But there is one thing I can say for sure.
[01:10] Sign
    We don't care whether we're
    called loyalists or traitors.
[01:18] Sign
    We just wanted to be
[01:21] Sign
    Shinsengumi with him.
SIGN    Farewell Shinsengumi Arc
    Part Nine
SIGN    Farewell Shinsengumi
SIGN    Watch the Farewell Shinsengumi Arc in a bright
    room and at a safe distance from your TV!!
[03:15] Mat
    Don't look back!
[03:18] Mat
    Keep moving, looking nowhere but forward!
[03:21] Mat
    No matter what...
[03:24] Mat
    We must escape!
[03:28] Ymz
    The Mimawarigumi,
[03:30] Ymz
    and the Katsura-led Joi Rebels...
[03:34] Ymz
    With help from several parties,
[03:37] Ymz
    we shook free of the
    Naraku's persistent pursuit
[03:42] Ymz
    and barely managed to
    escape from Kokujo Island,
[03:48] Ymz
    successfully rescuing Chief Kondo.
[03:53] Ymz
    But it came at a huge cost.
[04:04] Kon
    Toshi...
[04:06] Kon
    Did either he or I really have to die?
[04:09] Kon
    Was there no other way?
[04:13] Kon
    Instead of just black and white,
[04:15] Kon
    couldn't I have worked with him
    to bring out a different color?
[04:22] Hij
    Kondo-san,
[04:24] Hij
    the colors have already mixed.
[04:29] Hij
    We have to wear a shade of black that
    has various other colors mixed in
[04:32] Hij
    and keep moving forward.
[04:36] Hij
    That's our duty as survivors.
[04:47] Tet
    I had no idea
[04:50] Tet
    that my brother had someone
    who would shed tears for him.
[04:55] Tet
    I was related to him by blood,
[04:58] Tet
    but I never understood Sasaki Isaburo at all.
[05:04] Tet
    It seems I didn't know him
    well enough to cry for him.
[05:09] Tet
    I found people I could call brothers
    where my brother dumped me.
[05:16] Tet
    I met comrades I could call family despite
    having no blood relation with them.
[05:22] Tet
    And yet, I don't know why...
[05:26] Tet
    But the first person I
    wanted to show them off to
[05:32] Tet
    was him, after all.
[05:38] Tet
    If possible,
[05:43] Tet
    I wanted to see all of my brothers
[05:47] Tet
    having a heart-to-heart.
[05:58] [Messenger] ---
    Contacts Menu Apps
[06:00] (Flashback) Sas
    Have you been receiving my emails?
[06:05] (Flashback) Sas
    Nobume-san, you are truly discourteous.
[06:10] (Flashback) Sas
    If you don't reply to my
    emails once in a while,
[06:14] (Flashback) Sas
    then even as an elite,
[06:15] (Flashback) Sas
    I'm going to end up sulking, yo.
[06:28] Kon
    Pay your respects to the
    Commissioner-General!
[06:52] Nob
    Isaburo...
[06:55] Nob
    Thank you for giving me
[06:58] [Messenger] ---
    Isaburo...
    Thank you for giving me
    such a wonderful name, yo.
[07:00] Nob
    such a wonderful name, yo.
[07:07] Ymz
    Sasaki Isaburo vanished into the darkness,
    never to see the light of dawn again.
[07:13] Ymz
    But his struggles opened the
    door for change, if only a bit.
[07:19] Ymz
    The unprecedented revolt that
    came from the heart of the bakufu
[07:23] Ymz
    would shake the newly formed
    government to its very core.
[07:27] Ymz
    The mastermind was the
    Commissioner-General of Police.
[07:30] Ymz
    And while they had been manipulated,
[07:32] Ymz
    a lot of police organizations
    took part in the revolt.
[07:37] Ymz
    When Shogun Nobunobu heard the
    news, he flew into a fit of rage.
[07:40] Ymz
    He crushed every police organization that
    had been under the influence of Sasaki
[07:44] Ymz
    and decided to reform the police
    system from the ground up.
[07:49] Ymz
    Those who had begun to doubt Nobunobu's
    methods because of that started to fall apart,
[07:56] Ymz
    and Lord Matsudaira, who had
    anticipated this all along,
[07:59] Ymz
    secretly took them under his wing
[08:02] Ymz
    and meticulously absorbed them
[08:04] Ymz
    into the anti-bakufu faction
    Lord Shigeshige had founded.
[08:09] Ymz
    A mere three months after the
    establishment of the new government,
[08:12] Ymz
    as the people's trust in
    the bakufu kept falling,
[08:16] Ymz
    it started a groundswell of
    sentiment in favor of upheaval.
[08:36] HB2
    Wait, wait!
[08:38] HB2
    That's reckless!
[08:39] HB2
    You can't go back home, Otae-san!
[08:43] HB2
    Did you forget that you got into
    a huge fight with the shogun?!
[08:48] HB2
    So what if that stupid lord
    is preoccupied right now?!
[08:52] Tae
    But I can't continue to
    trouble you all any longer.
[08:57] Tae
    Kozenigata-san's wounds have healed,
[08:59] Tae
    so he doesn't need my help anymore.
[09:01] Tae
    I think it's about time.
[09:02] HB2
    No, no!
[09:03] HB2
    Boss took an injury to the
    head that won't ever heal,
[09:06] HB2
    his heart's in tatters due
    to his wife running away,
[09:09] HB2
    his feet stink,
[09:10] HB2
    and his breath stinks!
[09:12] HB2
    Please look after him a while longer!
[09:18] HB1
    He's right, Otae-chan!
[09:20] HB1
    Even though my wound had almost
    healed, it opened up again just now.
[09:23] HB1
    Feel free to stay as long as you like!
[09:26] HB2
    Besides, if something were to happen,
[09:27] HB2
    the police force is hardly
    functional right now!
[09:30] HB2
    It's too dangerous!
[09:32] Tae
    Yes.
[09:34] Tae
    That's exactly why police need
    to go back to doing their jobs,
[09:38] Tae
    and cabaret girls have to
    go back to doing theirs.
[09:42] Tae
    If you're ever worn out from work
    again, please stop by the bar.
[09:45] Tae
    I'll give you special treatment.
[09:47] Tae
    Thank you for having me.
[09:49] HB2
    Wait, Otae-san—
[09:51] HB1
    Haji.
[09:52] HB1
    That's enough.
[09:54] HB1
    She'll be all right now.
[10:00] HB1
    They must have come back...
[10:04] HB1
    Her police.
[10:24] Tae
    Don't you think it's high
    time you stopped doing this?
[10:34] Tae
    You'll catch a cold.
[10:40] Kon
    Why'd you have to say something
    like that today, of all days?
[10:50] Kon
    I wish you'd acted like usual,
[10:51] Kon
    called me a perverted stalker,
[10:54] Kon
    and hit me like you always do.
[11:00] Kon
    You're making it hard to say goodbye.
[11:20] Hij
    Abscond from Edo?
[11:24] Hij
    You're telling the
    Shinsengumi to abandon Edo?
[11:28] Kat
    Given the political situation,
    if you stay in Edo,
[11:30] Kat
    the lives of Kondo and
    Matsudaira that you just saved,
[11:33] Kat
    and even your own, will be danger.
[11:36] Kat
    Dying without achieving a thing
[11:39] Kat
    is what would count as truly
    abandoning Edo, Hijikata.
[11:44] Kat
    Nobunobu definitely won't leave you alive.
[11:47] Kat
    If he let the rebels who embarrassed the
    bakufu and destroyed its image walk free,
[11:53] Kat
    the new government would crumble.
[11:55] Kat
    He must be desperately looking
    for you right about now.
[12:00] Kat
    At this point, Matsudaira and you Shinsengumi
[12:02] Kat
    are symbols of the revolutionary faction.
[12:06] Kat
    Should these symbols be lost yet again,
[12:08] Kat
    the flame of revolution trying to change
    this country will surely die out this time.
[12:13] Kat
    If you truly love this country,
[12:15] Kat
    you must leave it for now
    and focus on staying alive.
[12:23] Ymz
    Our role is to leave the political center,
[12:26] Ymz
    stir up revolutionaries all
    over the country, take them in,
[12:30] Ymz
    and secure the revolutionary faction's
    foundation as its nucleus.
[12:35] Ymz
    Abandoning Edo to protect it...
[12:39] Ymz
    While we understood the reasoning,
[12:40] Ymz
    it was difficult for our hearts to accept it.
[12:44] Ymz
    Because it meant parting with the
    people we'd protected all this while.
[12:55] Ymz
    Because it meant parting with the people
    who'd supported us all this while.
[13:02] Ymz
    And because
[13:07] Ymz
    it meant our parting as Shinsengumi.
[13:19] Hij
    We knew things would end up this
    way, but it's still ironic.
SIGN    Set Meals
[13:24] Hij
    We always fought to remain the
    Shinsengumi, no matter what happened.
[13:28] Hij
    And yet, because of that, we can't
    remain the Shinsengumi anymore?
[13:33] Gin
    So Zura tricked you and sucked you dry, huh?
[13:36] Gin
    This is why I told you to
    be wary of that con man.
[13:40] Hij
    What are you going to do?
[13:43] Hij
    You helped us out,
[13:46] Hij
    so you can't stay in Edo anymore, either.
[13:51] Gin
    If even Odd Jobs left after you guys,
[13:55] Gin
    it'd make the people of Edo sad,
[13:57] Gin
    wouldn't it, lady?
[14:02] Hij
    You're saying you'll stay?
[14:05] Hij
    Do you really understand the situation?
[14:07] Hij
    Edo no longer has...
[14:13] Hij
    That's exactly why, huh?
[14:17] Oki
    Boss is staying because Edo has lost the
    Shinsengumi and Mimawarigumi, right?
[14:24] Oki
    If you stay behind for us,
[14:27] Oki
    we'll be able to leave Edo without worry, huh?
[14:32] Oki
    You've gotta be kidding me.
[14:35] Oki
    Be it our general or yours,
[14:39] Oki
    I can't let anyone else die.
[14:43] Kag
    What, are you saying we can't
    protect Edo by ourselves?
[14:48] Kag
    Do you wanna see for yourself, then?
[14:55] Oki
    The hell are you doing?!
[14:57] Oki
    I'm not completely healed yet!
[14:58] Kag
    What the hell did you come here for?
[15:01] Kag
    Are you here to meekly say goodbye?
[15:04] Kag
    Who, you?
[15:06] Kag
    Don't you have something else
    to do before worrying about us?
[15:10] Kag
    Both our groups are in equal danger.
[15:13] Kag
    But looking at how you're acting, you
    guys seem likelier to drop dead first.
[15:22] Oki
    You're right.
[15:24] Oki
    I'd forgotten that I needed to clear
    something up before leaving Edo...
[15:32] Oki
    Which of us is stronger!
[15:35] Kag
    Exactly!
[15:41] Tae
    There's no need for goodbyes.
[15:49] Tae
    After all, so long as you're around,
[15:51] Tae
    the Shinsengumi will carry on,
    no matter where you all go.
[15:56] Tae
    After all, wherever you may be,
[15:58] Tae
    you'll be fighting to protect Edo and all of us,
[16:03] Tae
    and I know that.
[16:06] Tae
    So please don't look so gloomy.
[16:10] Tae
    Leave with your head held high
    and a smile on your face.
[16:15] Tae
    If you don't, I won't be able
    to keep my promise to Shin-chan.
[16:20] Tae
    I won't be able to say "take
    care" or "welcome back."
[16:31] Shin
    When you come back this time,
[16:34] Shin
    don't do it from above the
    ceiling or under the overhang.
[16:37] Shin
    Waltz in through the front gate.
[16:42] Shin
    We'd be more than happy
    to offer you some tea.
[16:47] Hij
    I've got some good alcohol stocked up there.
[16:51] Hij
    I don't like drinking in a big group,
[16:53] Hij
    so I often came here and drank by myself.
[16:58] Hij
    You can have it.
[17:00] Hij
    They're expensive, so
    drink them one at a time.
[17:04] Hij
    By the time you've finished all of them,
[17:06] Hij
    I'll be back.
[17:08] Hij
    And I'll repay the rest of the debt then.
[17:12] Gin
    I'll gladly take the booze,
[17:14] Gin
    but I don't recall ever doing you a favor.
[17:18] Hij
    Oh, you did.
[17:20] Hij
    Your faulty brain may have forgotten,
[17:23] Hij
    but I remember.
[17:26] Hij
    I'll never forget.
[17:29] Gin
    Even if I did, you repaid me a long time ago.
[17:44] Gin
    I'm the one who got help recovering
    something he'd forgotten.
[17:51] Gin
    So don't come back carrying
    some debt to be repaid.
[17:55] Gin
    Bring back a bottle of booze,
[17:57] Gin
    not to drink alone, but to
    be shared with a big group.
[18:00] Gin
    That's more than enough.
[18:03] L
    Here you are. Your usual.
[18:06] L
    One Uji Gintoki bowl and
    one Hijikata Special.
[18:11] L
    Huh? What's the matter, you two?
[18:14] L
    Not eating?
[18:17] Gin
    Nah...
[18:17] Gin
    Sorry, lady, but today...
[18:22] Bo
    It's the other way around.
[18:33] Kag
    Looks like we've both got a ways to go.
[18:38] Oki
    Well, duh.
[18:40] Oki
    We couldn't do a thing against
    that incomprehensible crow.
[18:46] Oki
    But keep this in mind.
[18:48] Oki
    By the next time we meet,
[18:51] Oki
    I will be stronger than you and that crow!
[18:54] Oki
    So make sure you...
[19:01] Bo
    Don't lose to anyone else!
[19:16] Bo
    That was awful.
[19:49] Kon
    I'll be back.
[19:58] Tae
    Take care.
[20:13] Kon
    No education, no status.
[20:16] Kon
    The only thing we can trust
    is our own swords.
[20:19] Kon
    And we want to make a name
    for ourselves using them.
[20:22] Kon
    So we gathered in Edo.
[20:25] Kon
    Today, we will have to leave it,
[20:29] Kon
    but our dreams won't end here.
[20:33] Kon
    Let's come back, no matter what,
[20:36] Kon
    to the Shinsengumi's home.
[20:40] Kon
    We'll swear it as many times as it takes.
[20:43] Kon
    We're gonna become samurai here in Edo!
[23:27] Ymz
    That's right.
[23:29] Ymz
    The Shinsengumi's dream
    is only just beginning.
[23:35] Ymz
    The end of our true path
    is still far, far away.
[23:49] ---
    Thank you for all your support
[23:49] ---
    over the past year.
[23:54] ---
    Our battle has
[23:54] ---
    only just begun!!!