Season 2

E202 - Everyone Looks a Little Grown Up After Spring Break
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:01] Shin
    The land of the samurai.
[00:02] Shin
    There was a time, long ago, when our country was called by that name.
[00:06] Shin
    With the arrival of the Amanto from outer space and the Sword Ban twenty years ago,
[00:11] Shin
    the samurai class fell into decline.
[00:14] Shin
    In these hard times, there was one man left with the spirit of the samurai. His name is Gintoki Sakata.
[00:20] Shin
    Kagura and I, Shinpachi Shimura, work at Odd Jobs Gin, which is coincidentally...
[00:25] Kagura
    Enough already!
[00:26] Gin
    Why would you reuse the introduction now?!
[00:31] Shin
    Because this is supposed to be a new show!
[00:33] Shin
    We have to explain the context for the newcomers!
[00:36] Kagura
    It's a waste of time to worry about the context of this anime.
[00:40] Kagura
    The audience is only kind of paying attention.
[00:43] Gin
    Right.
[00:45] Gin
    So Gintama is kind of back in 16:9.
[02:28] Shin
    The first episode of Gintama in a year.
[02:31] Shin
    It'll take a little time to get back in the flow,
[02:33] Shin
    but for now, it's back to work.
SIGN    
    
[02:36] Shin
    It feels like I haven't been here in forever.
[02:39] Shin
    Good morning!
[02:42] Shin
    I guess he's still asleep.
[02:44] Shin
    Seriously, we're finally back on air...
[02:47] Shin
    Wake up, Gin-san!
[02:48] Shin
    Vacation's over.
[02:50] Shin
    The show is back...
[02:55] Gin
    This town hasn't changed...
[02:58] Gin
    Everybody's walking around with glum faces.
[03:02] Shin
    Wait!
[03:03] Shin
    Who are you?!
[03:04] Shin
    What are you doing in here?!
[03:05] Shin
    I'll call the police...
[03:06] Gin
    Shinpachi.
[03:07] Gin
    You haven't changed either.
[03:09] Gin
    Couldn't find anything to do while we ran reruns for a year?
[03:13] Gin
    You never learn.
[03:15] Shin
    Th-That voice...
[03:17] Gin
    Hey, now.
[03:18] Gin
    You even forgot my face?
[03:22] Gin
    Well, they say it only takes a man three days to grow out of his boots.
[03:27] Gin
    It's me.
[03:30] Gin
    Gin-san.
SIGN    
[03:38] Shin
    What?!
[03:39] Gin
    Long time no see, Pachi-boy.
[03:41] Gin
    How you been doing?
[03:42] Shin
    No, wait!
[03:43] Shin
    Long time no see?!
[03:44] Shin
    What?!
[03:45] Shin
    Sure, it's been a year since the show was last on air...
[03:47] Shin
    What the hell happened to you in the past year?!
[03:49] Gin
    That's long enough for my hair to grow out.
[03:52] Shin
    Forget your hair!  You look like a completely different character!
[03:55] Shin
    You're acting like we just ran into each other for the first time in years at the World Martial Arts Tournament!
[03:59] Shin
    Why do you have a scar?!
[04:00] Shin
    Why do you have that patch on your chest?!
[04:02] Gin
    What do you mean?
[04:04] Gin
    Did you forget the promise we made?
[04:06] Shin
    Huh?
[04:06] Gin
    After the show ended, we held a little pow wow.
[04:09] Gin
    Don't you remember?
[04:10] Shin
    Huh?
[04:11] Shin
    What are you talking about?
[04:12] Gin
    With the TV show and movie over with,
[04:14] Gin
    Gintama was starting to lose its novelty.
[04:17] Gin
    So we discussed how it was necessary to
[04:19] Gin
    give the show a breath of fresh air to keep the fans interested.
[04:23] Gin
    Each of us would use this break to work on a remedy.
[04:28] Gin
    And then we would return to New Odd Jobs.
[04:32] All
    We'll meet up at Jabaody Archipelago in two years!
[04:35] Shin
    We never made any promises!
[04:37] Shin
    Where the hell is Jabaody Archipelago?!
[04:39] Gin
    Doesn't matter where it is.
[04:41] Gin
    It comes down to feeling and inspiration.
[04:43] Shin
    Inspiration, my ass!
[04:44] Shin
    You stole that promise from a different anime!
[04:46] Shin
    Nobody was waiting for you fools!
[04:48] Gin
    Man, I spent all my time training hard.
[04:51] Gin
    What were you doing?
[04:52] Gin
    I had a rough time.
[04:54] Gin
    Getting blown up by weird aliens...
[04:57] Gin
    Impaled by cyborgs...
[04:59] Gin
    Losing my woman to some guy with a mad widow's peak...
[05:01] Shin
    You keep using flashbacks from other shows!
[05:04] Shin
    And you did all of this in one year?!
[05:06] Gin
    Huh? One year?
[05:08] Gin
    What are you talking about?
[05:09] Gin
    Two years have passed in this anime in the past year.
[05:13] Shin
    That's not much of a difference.
[05:16] Shin
    And you're clearly lying!
[05:17] Shin
    I mean, this show follows the Sazae format where nobody ages...
[05:19] Gin
    I'm not lying.
[05:20] Gin
    Just look at how much I've changed.
[05:22] Kagura
    I'm back!
[05:24] Kagura
    'Sup!
[05:25] Kagura
    Long time no see, guys!
[05:26] Kagura
    How you been doing?
[05:28] Kagura
    Huh?
[05:29] Kagura
    Did you shrink, Shinpachi?
[05:31] Shin
    Uh, er...
[05:32] Shin
    Excuse me.
[05:33] Shin
    Who are you?
[05:35] Kagura
    What? It's me.
[05:39] Kagura
    Kagura.
[05:40] Shin
    Wait!
[05:43] Shin
    What?!
[05:45] Kagura
    You look exactly the same.
[05:48] Gin
    Right?
[05:49] Gin
    This guy didn't do anything the past two years.
[05:51] Shin
    Wait! This is...
[05:52] Shin
    Kagura-cha-
[05:53] Shin
    Kagura-san?!
[05:54] Shin
    You've gotta be kidding!
[05:55] Shin
    She's completely grown up!
[05:58] Kagura
    They say it only takes a woman three days to grow out of her boots.
[06:01] Shin
    No, they don't!
[06:02] Kagura
    I'm tired after the long trip.
[06:04] Kagura
    Bring me some clothes.
[06:05] Kagura
    I'm gonna take a nap.
[06:06] Shin
    No, wait.
[06:07] Shin
    There's something else we need to address first...
[06:10] Kagura
    Too slow, Nappa!
[06:11] Gin
    She's fast...
[06:12] Gin
    She changed into her pajamas and plopped herself on the couch the moment she got home.
[06:15] Gin
    She's grown into one hell of a pajama girl.
[06:17] Shin
    Am I supposed to be impressed?!
[06:18] Shin
    And what was the point in standing on my head?!
[06:21] Gin
    Kagura, where were you training?
[06:23] Kagura
    Nowhere really.
[06:24] Kagura
    I flew around space with Pappy.
[06:26] Kagura
    Oh, I brought some souvenirs you can eat...
[06:30] Gin
    Huh?
[06:30] Gin
    Are you talking about this?
[06:32] Gin
    Sorry, I already ate it.
[06:33] Kagura
    He's fast...
[06:34] Kagura
    He finished them off before I even mentioned them...
[06:37] Kagura
    Gin-chan's grown into one hell of a greedy guy.
[06:39] Shin
    That wouldn't be considered growth!
[06:40] Shin
    And do you feel you have to stand on my head to look impressive?!
[06:45] Gin
    It appears that my two years of training wasn't for nothing.
[06:49] Kagura
    We're going to start a new legend here at New Odd Jobs!
[06:52] Kagura
    I'm getting excited!
[06:53] Shin
    Nothing's changed!
[06:54] Shin
    Hell, the two of you have regressed!
[06:57] Shin
    Anyway, is it true?!
[06:59] Shin
    Two years have passed while I wasn't paying attention?!
[07:02] Shin
    Nobody told me about this!
[07:04] Shin
    Why was I the only one left behind?!
[07:06] Gin
    That's what happens when you treat the break as a vacation.
[07:10] Gin
    You're supposed to work hard when people aren't watching.
[07:13] Shin
    You're the one who's trying to convince everyone you were training during the break!
SIGN    
[07:17] Gin
    Personally, I want to know how you're able to look exactly the same after two years.
[07:23] Gin
    Two years is enough for ramen to grow stale.
[07:25] Kagura
    By the way, Sadaharu tagged along with me and grew a lot, Nappa.
[07:29] Shin
    Can you stop calling me Nappa?
[07:32] Kagura
    Ah, it must be Sadaharu!
[07:34] Kagura
    Pets weren't allowed on my ship, so I had to put him on a different one.
[07:40] Shin
    Oh, he hasn't changed at all.
[07:43] Shin
    Why did you say that he grew a lot, Kagura-san?
[07:46] Shin
    Actually, he looks smaller now?
[07:49] Kagura
    Here's the receipt.
SIGN    
[07:59] Shin
    Uh...
[08:00] Shin
    Excuse me.
[08:01] Shin
    Sadaharu just left.
[08:04] Shin
    Uh, our pet just ran off, Mister.
[08:08] Sadaharu
    It's been a while.
[08:11] Sadaharu
    I, Sadaharu, have finished serving my time.
[08:14] Shin
    Him?!
[08:16] Shin
    Hold on!
[08:17] Shin
    That's impossible!
[08:18] Shin
    This is clearly the delivery man!
[08:21] Shin
    That dog was obviously Sadaharu!
[08:23] Kagura
    That was a delivery dog from Planet Komainu.
[08:26] Kagura
    Sadaharu's shy, so I had him delivered by a dog just like him.
[08:30] Shin
    Just like him?!
[08:31] Shin
    That was obviously Sadaharu!
[08:32] Shin
    And they don't look anything like each other!
[08:35] Kagura
    Like I said, he grew a lot.
[08:38] Shin
    This isn't called growing a lot!
[08:40] Shin
    This is called turning into a completely different creature!
[08:42] Gin
    Shinpachi, dogs grow faster than humans.
[08:46] Gin
    Two years is enough for them to become old men.
[08:49] Shin
    This guy is literally just an old man!
[08:51] Sadaharu
    Brother Shinpachi,
[08:52] Sadaharu
    if I've done anything to offend you, I apologize.
[08:56] Shin
    Brother?!
[08:57] Sadaharu
    Please don't blame Sister.
[09:00] Sadaharu
    I will make amends!
[09:04] Sadaharu
    If a doggy or two will satisfy you...
[09:07] Shin
    Wait!
[09:08] Shin
    Wait, wait, wait!
[09:09] Shin
    What do you mean by doggy?!
[09:10] Shin
    Why does this remind me of pinky amputation?!
[09:12] Shin
    What's wrong with this Sadaharu?!
[09:13] Shin
    Why is he acting like a direct-to-video fan?!
[09:15] Shin
    Huh?
[09:16] Shin
    Wait a second.
[09:16] Shin
    That's...
[09:17] Shin
    On closer look, there's something at the end of his tail...
[09:19] Shin
    Sadaharu?!
[09:20] Shin
    There's a small Sadaharu on his tail?!
[09:22] Gin
    What's this?
[09:23] Shin
    What's going on?!
[09:26] Sadaharu
    Uncle, Brother...
[09:28] Sadaharu
    Mind if I tell you an old story?
[09:32] Sadaharu
    There was a very happy dog who belonged to very wonderful owners.
[09:37] Sadaharu
    However, the dog always wondered if he was worthy of his owners.
[09:45] Sadaharu
    In order to join his owners as they marched on, to move forward,
[09:49] Sadaharu
    the dog chose to fight alongside them.
[09:52] Sadaharu
    Day after day, he would place his tail in scorching sand.
[09:56] Shin
    Why would you do that?
[09:57] Sadaharu
    Day after day, he would make his tail watch Karate Kid 3.
[10:01] Shin
    Why would you do that?
[10:03] Sadaharu
    Eventually, a firm wart appeared on his tail.
[10:08] Sadaharu
    It continued to grow bigger.
[10:11] Sadaharu
    However, as the wart grew in size,
[10:13] Sadaharu
    his body shrunk.
[10:15] Sadaharu
    As though the wart was sapping his strength...
[10:17] Sadaharu
    Do you understand?
[10:18] Sadaharu
    That's right - I am that wart.
[10:22] Shin
    How could I possibly understand?!
[10:23] Kagura
    Long story short, the wart traded places with the original.
[10:26] Shin
    That's so short that I have no idea what you mean!
[10:29] Sadaharu
    Do not worry.
[10:30] Sadaharu
    Sadaharu and I may be different in appearance,
[10:32] Sadaharu
    but our minds are connected through this tail, and we share the same destiny.
[10:36] Sadaharu
    You can call us the Wartio Brothers.
[10:37] Shin
    That's not funny!
[10:38] Sadaharu
    Please call me Wartiharu.
[10:40] Sadaharu
    It is an honor.
[10:41] Shin
    I'm not gonna call you that!
[10:42] Shin
    How are we supposed to keep this freak as a pet?!
[10:45] Shin
    I won't have it!
[10:46] Shin
    I refuse to accept this!
[10:48] Kagura
    Hey! Wait, Nappa!
[10:50] Shin
    Otose-san!
[10:52] Shin
    Hello?
[10:53] Shin
    Listen to this!
[10:54] Shin
    Gin-san and Kagura are...
[10:55] Otose
    What's all the fuss about?
[10:57] Otose
    Don't just barge into a lady's room.
[10:58] Otose
    You should knock first.
[11:01] Tama
    Is there a fight going on, Master Shinpachi?
[11:04] Catherine
    It's probably something stupid again.
[11:07] Catherine
    Just ignore him.
[11:08] Catherine
    It's a waste of time to listen to him.
[11:10] Shin
    I knew it...
[11:11] Shin
    You haven't changed at all...
[11:13] Shin
    They were lying about two years passing.
[11:15] Otose
    What are you babbling about?
[11:18] Otose
    In any case, it's been...
[11:21] Otose
    ...quite some time since I've seen you.
[11:23] Tama
    A long time.
[11:24] Catherine
    A very long time.
[11:28] Shin
    You're all Wartiharu!
[11:30] Tama
    Oh, you recognize us?
[11:32] Shin
    There's nothing to recognize!
[11:33] Shin
    You've all evolved into different creatures!
[11:34] Shin
    And an android is capable of growing warts?!
[11:36] Tama
    They were all intent on improving themselves,
[11:39] Tama
    and after pushing themselves too hard for two years, we were born.
[11:43] Tama
    For now, you can call us Wartise, Wartirine, and Warti.
[11:46] Shin
    So there's nothing left of Tama-san?!
[11:49] Gin
    Like I said,
[11:51] Gin
    everybody's been working hard while you weren't watching.
[11:54] Gin
    We've all been trying to grow.
[11:56] Shin
    Only their warts have grown!
[11:58] Gin
    Pachi-boy, it doesn't matter what you think.
[12:01] Gin
    The past two years aren't coming back.
[12:03] Gin
    You have to face reality and look to the future.
[12:06] Gin
    You'll have plenty of chances to redeem yourself!
[12:10] Gin
    Right now, you're denying yourself that chance...
[12:12] Gin
    The chance to create a wart!
[12:14] Shin
    You bet I'm gonna deny that chance!
[12:17] Shin
    Just leave me alone.
[12:19] Shin
    There was a two year jump during the one year break like in One Piece...
[12:23] Shin
    Warts turning into old men...
[12:27] Shin
    Everybody leaving me behind...
[12:29] Shin
    How am I supposed to accept this?!
[12:44] Otae
    Shin-chan, may I come in?
[12:46] Shin
    Sorry.
[12:48] Shin
    I don't want to see anyone right now.
[12:51] Shin
    It feels like everyone's gone to a faraway place.
[12:57] Shin
    I've experienced this many times before.
[13:01] Shin
    I dream about this all the time, Sis.
[13:06] Shin
    We're all running in the darkness.
[13:09] Shin
    But everyone else is faster than me.
[13:12] Shin
    I try my best to catch up,
[13:14] Shin
    but I end up alone in the darkness.
[13:20] Otae
    Shin-chan, you're a lucky boy.
[13:24] Otae
    Because you have a goal to guide you through the darkness.
[13:29] Otae
    The truly unfortunate are those who stand still without any sense of which direction to go.
[13:34] Otae
    And it's hardest on the person who's running out in front when he can't tell left from right...
[13:42] Otae
    True, they aren't nice enough to slow down for you.
[13:47] Otae
    They may take a lot of detours...
[13:50] Otae
    But you believe that he's moving forward, right?
[13:55] Otae
    You're very fortunate to have someone like that, Shin-chan.
[13:59] Otae
    No matter how far away he gets, you'll still be able to see him.
[14:02] Otae
    And as long as you keep moving, I know that you'll be able to catch up.
[14:06] Otae
    It only makes sense.
[14:07] Otae
    Since I'll be there to kick you along.
[14:14] Shin
    Sis...
[14:15] Shin
    Sis...
[14:17] Shin
    Sis!
[14:19] Shin
    It doesn't matter if two years have passed!
[14:21] Shin
    I can go anywhere if I'm with you!
[14:28] Kondo
    That's the little brother I know!
[14:30] Kondo
    You can hang on tight to the two of us!
[14:32] Kondo
    I won't go easy on you!
[14:33] Kondo
    But I promise to take you to Neverland!
[14:36] Otae
    Honestly...
[14:37] Otae
    Don't get so excited that you forget about us, Isao-san.
[14:41] Otae
    Though I'll always be right behind you.
[14:43] Kondo
    Now that we're all happy, let's have dinner!
[14:45] Kondo
    Hurry up, or you won't get any!
[14:48] Otae
    Please, wait for me, Isao-san!
[14:50] Kondo
    What's for dinner tonight?
[14:53] Otae
    Your favorite.
[14:55] Kondo
    What? Curry...
[14:56] Otae
    Omelets.
[14:57] Kondo
    Thought so!
[14:58] Kondo
    Y-Yay!
[14:59] Kondo
    This will help me forget everything bad that's happened!
[15:16] Otae
    Now, Isao-san.
[15:17] Otae
    Open wide!
[15:18] Kondo
    Come on, Otae-san.
[15:21] Kondo
    I can eat my own food.
[15:23] Otae
    Please, why are you acting so shy?
[15:26] Otae
    We're married now.
[15:28] Otae
    This is a perfectly normal thing to do.
[15:29] Kondo
    You're such a doll!
[15:31] Kondo
    Nobody would be able to guess which one of us used to stalk the other one!
[15:35] Otae
    Don't say that.
[15:36] Otae
    If I'd known how kind you were,
[15:39] Otae
    I could have found happiness much sooner.
[15:42] Otae
    I never imagined that you would quit the Shinsengumi and help us with our dojo.
[15:46] Kondo
    The Shinsengumi can do fine without me.
[15:50] Kondo
    They have plenty of responsible people.
[15:52] Kondo
    But it's my job to support you, Otae-san.
[15:56] Kondo
    I'm hopeless without you...
[15:59] Otae
    Oh, please!
[16:01] Kondo
    I can't believe I said that!
[16:03] Shin
    I'm finished eating...
[16:04] Otae
    Oh, Shin-chan?
[16:05] Otae
    You barely touched your food.
[16:06] Kondo
    You need to eat so you can work, Shinpachi-kun.
[16:09] Shin
    Huh?
[16:10] Kondo
    Today's your first day on the job!
[16:13] Otae
    That's right.
[16:14] Otae
    Isao-san helped you find this wonderful job,
[16:17] Otae
    so you need to work hard.
[16:19] Otae
    Here.
[16:22] Kondo
    It feels good to know that you'll be there to replace me.
[16:25] Kondo
    I'm trusting you to take care of the Shinsengumi.
[16:27] Otae
    We won't see each other much since you'll be living there while training,
[16:31] Otae
    but do your best.
[16:32] Otae
    The two of us...
[16:34] Otae
    No, the three of us will always be here to support you.
[16:38] Kondo
    Right.
[16:39] Kondo
    Hmm?
[16:40] Kondo
    Three of us?
[16:41] Kondo
    Three of us...?
[16:43] Otae
    Shin-chan, you'll be an uncle when you return.
[16:48] Otae
    Become a samurai that will make this child proud.
[16:52] Kondo
    R-Really, Otae-san?!
[16:55] Kondo
    I'm going to be a father?!
[16:56] Kondo
    Did you hear that, Shinpachi-kun?!
[16:58] Kondo
    H-Huh?
[16:58] Kondo
    Shinpachi-kun?!
[17:01] Otae
    He's fired up!
[17:03] Kondo
    Man, he's a very dependable little brother...
[17:05] Kondo
    No, a very dependable uncle.
[17:08] A
    That was when Ikazo...
[17:23] Shin
    Are you shitting me?!
[17:27] Shin
    God!
[17:28] Shin
    What have I done to deserve this?!
[17:29] Shin
    I go on vacation for a year and this is what happens?!
[17:32] Shin
    It's not right!
[17:33] Shin
    The Odd Jobs members have changed!
[17:34] Shin
    And what's worse, that gorilla of a stalker somehow managed to land my sister
[17:37] Shin
    and become my older brother!
[17:40] Shin
    I'm the third wheel now!
[17:42] Shin
    They sent me to the Shinsengumi to get me out of the house!
[17:45] Shin
    I'm completely out of the loop at Odd Jobs, at my own home!
[17:47] Shin
    This short amount of time was all it took to leave me with nowhere to belong?!
[17:54] Shin
    This is awful...
[17:55] Shin
    It's like I'm the only person left in an unknown world...
[17:59] Shin
    Where am I supposed to go?
[18:04] Kyube
    I understand how you feel.
[18:07] Kyube
    I was once in your position.
[18:10] Shin
    Ky-Kyubei-san?!
[18:14] Shin
    Sh-She totally looks like a girl now!
[18:17] Shin
    And her hand...
[18:20] Kyube
    S-Sorry...
[18:23] Shin
    Kyubei-san...
[18:25] Shin
    You're okay with touching men now?
[18:28] Shin
    And your clothes...
[18:30] Kyube
    S-Sorry...
[18:31] Kyube
    I couldn't ignore you when I saw you crying...
[18:35] Kyube
    Otae-chan is gone now,
[18:38] Kyube
    so I decided that I needed to change.
[18:40] Shin
    I see...
[18:41] Shin
    Because she lost my sister...
[18:44] Kyube
    D-Do I look strange?
[18:45] Shin
    Ah! Sorry about what I said!
[18:47] Shin
    You look really cute!
[18:48] Shin
    You're totally my type!
[18:51] Kyube
    Th-Thank you...
[18:55] Kyube
    U-Um, Shinpachi-kun,
[18:58] Kyube
    you aren't alone.
[19:00] Kyube
    I'm here for you.
[19:01] Kyube
    So you can come here when you're feeling down.
[19:04] Kyube
    I come here all the time.
[19:06] Kyube
    It helps when there's someone else who feels the same way as you do.
[19:10] Kyube
    And do you mind if I ask a favor in return?
[19:13] Shin
    Huh?
[19:14] Kyube
    Well, um...
[19:16] Kyube
    Could you experiment by touching me from time to time?
[19:19] Shin
    Huh?
[19:20] Shin
    What's she talking about?
[19:22] Kyube
    It seems that I'm fine when you touch me.
[19:25] Kyube
    I wonder why?
[19:26] Kyube
    Maybe it's because you resemble Tae-chan.
[19:28] Kyube
    Or maybe...
[19:30] Shin
    M-My heart is about to burst!
[19:34] Kyube
    I want to forget about Tae-chan...
[19:36] Kyube
    I have to learn to live with men.
[19:41] Kyube
    So...
[19:43] Kyube
    Is it okay?
[19:44] Shin
    Was Kyubei-san always this cute?!
[19:47] Shin
    It's okay!
[19:48] Shin
    Absolutely okay!
[19:49] Shin
    I can help you every day if you want!
[19:51] Shin
    I'll help you with anything you need!
[19:53] Shin
    I can touch you every day!
[19:54] Kyube
    R-Really?
[19:56] Kyube
    I'm so happy.
[19:57] Kyube
    Then touch me more.
[20:01] Kyube
    Please be gentle when you experiment.
[20:05] Shin
    Wait! What?
[20:06] Shin
    Hold on!
[20:07] Shin
    Kyubei-san!
[20:08] Shin
    If I...
[20:08] Shin
    If I experiment there...
[20:09] Shin
    I'll...
[20:10] Shin
    I'll...
[20:12] Shin
    ...turn into a mad scientist!
[20:23] Shin
    Huh?
[20:25] Shin
    There's something here...
[20:27] Shin
    Something that feels very familiar...
[20:29] Kyube
    Well?
[20:30] Kyube
    How is it compared to yours?
[20:32] Kyube
    I just finished having the procedure,
[20:34] Kyube
    but I couldn't tell, is there anything abnormal about it?
[20:38] Shin
    What procedure?
[20:40] Kyube
    For that.
[20:41] Shin
    For what?
[20:42] Kyube
    The procedure to attach a male organ.
[20:47] Shin
    What the hell did you do?!
[20:49] Shin
    You were asking me to touch your balls?!
[20:52] Kyube
    Unlike before, I'm a woman on the outside and a man on the inside.
[20:55] Kyube
    I've been completely reborn!
[20:58] Shin
    You've only made it worse!
[21:01] Kyube
    I'm tired of trying to become a man or a woman.
[21:04] Kyube
    Now, I search for a new world where gender doesn't matter
[21:08] Kyube
    with those people.
[21:10] Guy
    Kyu-chan!
[21:11] Guy
    We're heading back!
[21:13] A
    Oh, it's the cutie from Odd Jobs.
[21:13] Shin
    She's aiming for a incredibly wrong new world?!
[21:15] B
    Kyu-chan's trying to steal him! Eek!
[21:15] Shin
    It's bon voyage to a new world with the blue beard pirates?!
[21:19] Shin
    Wait, are you working at a gay bar?!
[21:21] Kyube
    Heh, I'm their ace.
[21:24] Shin
    Why are you so proud?!
[21:25] Shin
    This is so crazy that I have no idea what's going on anymore!
[21:28] Katsura
    Enough, Sir Kyubei.
[21:31] Katsura
    You actually attached that foul member to your body.
[21:33] Katsura
    I see that you're intent on making your character overlap with mine.
[21:36] Kyube
    You are...
[21:37] Katsura
    We are both considered serious characters.
[21:39] Katsura
    We only differ in gender.
[21:41] Katsura
    You intend to eliminate that difference and take over my role.
[21:45] Katsura
    But I was one step ahead of you!
[21:47] Katsura
    While you were attaching that foul member...
[21:50] Katsura
    I...
[21:55] Katsura
    Became Zurako!
SIGN    
SIGN    
SIGN    
[23:29] Shin
    The show is finally back,
[23:30] Shin
    but what the hell is going on with everyone?!

E203 - [Wartirine / Warti / Wartise]
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:32] Shin
    While the show was on a one year break,
[01:34] Shin
    Gin-san, Kagura-chan, and everyone else I knew changed into completely different people.
[01:40] Shin
    And they all claimed that two years had passed since the show went off the air.
SIGN    
[01:44] Shin
    I tried to escape this cruel reality
[01:46] Shin
    and arrived at the beach,
[01:48] Shin
    only to find a very different Kyubei-san!
[01:51] Shin
    And there was more to come...
[01:53] Katsura
    Enough, Sir Kyubei.
[01:56] ---
    You...
[01:57] Katsura
    I...
[02:02] Katsura
    ...became Zurako!
SIGN    
[02:12] Shin
    Your characters don't overlap at all!
[02:14] Shin
    You stinkin' lunatic!
[02:18] Shin
    You're the only one who's stupid enough to have his balls removed to avoid character overlap!
[02:21] Shin
    And hell, you're both trannies now!
[02:25] Katsura
    C-Curses!
[02:26] Katsura
    I was so focused on the details that I lost sight of the big picture!
[02:30] Shin
    That's not all you lost!
[02:32] Katsura
    Sir Kyubei!
[02:34] Katsura
    It appears that we are doomed to share the same character traits.
[02:38] Katsura
    One of us must be eliminated for the sake of more screen time.
[02:43] Katsura
    One has both balls and boobs.
[02:45] Katsura
    The other has neither balls nor boobs.
[02:47] Katsura
    Let us determine who the true transsexual is!
[02:51] Both
    The position of gay bar champion...
[02:53] Both
    ...shall be mine!
[02:56] Shin
    Is that even worth fighting over?!
[03:00] Shin
    What the hell...
[03:01] Shin
    First people growing, now people changing their gender...
[03:05] Shin
    The only thing that hasn't changed...
[03:08] Shin
    ...is how they're still a bunch of idiots.
[03:11] Yama
    There you are.
SIGN    
[03:13] Yama
    Stinkin' four eyes.
[03:14] Yama
    You got guts to escape from your first day on the job, an?
[03:18] Yama
    You're ready to die, an?
[03:26] Shin
    O-Okita-san?!
[03:28] Shin
    That bazooka is Okita-san's!
[03:29] Yama
    What are you babblin' about?
[03:31] Yama
    I don't see you for a while, and you need glasses for your brain now, an?
[03:35] Yama
    It's me.
[03:37] Yama
    Vice-Commander of the Shinsengumi.
[03:39] Yama
    Jimmy Yamazaki, an?
[03:42] Shin
    What?!
[03:46] Yama
    Now move your ass, an?
[03:47] Shin
    No way!
[03:49] Shin
    Average Joe Yamazaki?!
[03:50] Yama
    That's ancient history!
[03:52] Yama
    Back when I was still a cherry boy!
[03:56] Yama
    I stand fully erect now!
[03:58] Yama
    I'm Jimmy Yamazaki, the vice-commander who makes crying babies cry harder, an?
[04:04] Shin
    Whoa!
[04:05] Shin
    What happened?!
[04:06] Shin
    You're addicted to anpan now!
[04:08] Shin
    It's even showing up in your speech!
[04:11] Yama
    Hey, start driving, an?
[04:12] Hijikata
    Uh...
[04:13] Yama
    I said to drive the damn car, nitwit!
[04:16] Hijikata
    Ow...
[04:18] Hijikata
    Well, I wanted to say hello first since it's been a while.
[04:21] Yama
    Nobody's gonna remember a no name like you, an?
[04:25] Hijikata
    It's been so long, Shinpachi-kun.
[04:28] Hijikata
    I'm Toshiro Hijikata.
[04:30] Hijikata
    Do you remember me?
[04:32] Hijikata
    Of course not.
[04:33] Shin
    Hi-Hijikata-san?!
[04:34] Shin
    Is this Hijikata-san?!
[04:35] Shin
    No way!
[04:36] Shin
    Hijikata-san would never smile like this!
[04:39] Shin
    Especially not after being slapped around by someone like Yamazaki-san!
[04:41] Yama
    Hey, what's that supposed to mean? Explain, Hijikata, an?
[04:45] Shin
    He's smiling after being hit for no reason!
[04:49] Hijikata
    A lot's happened.
[04:51] Hijikata
    I took over as commander after Kondo-san retired,
[04:55] Hijikata
    but it became painfully clear that ruling through fear would no longer work.
[04:59] Hijikata
    And after some thinking, I decided to halve my way of life, my mayonnaise intake, and my calorie intake.
[05:05] Hijikata
    As a result, I'm now known as Toshi-san, the Shinsengumi's collective bitch.
[05:09] Shin
    You ended up losing your position in the process!
[05:12] Hijikata
    Still, I never thought I'd have the opportunity to work with you.
[05:15] Hijikata
    It's making me blush.
[05:16] Shin
    Could you please stop being so creepy?
[05:18] Hijikata
    How are Gin-san and Kagura-chan doing?
[05:21] Hijikata
    They should have tagged along.
[05:22] Hijikata
    It's been pretty lonely without Kondo-san around.
[05:24] Shin
    Hijikata!
[05:25] Shin
    Enough already!
[05:27] Shin
    How can you call yourself Hijikata?!
[05:28] Shin
    How?!
[05:30] Shin
    I don't believe this...
[05:31] Shin
    The Shinsengumi has seen a complete overhaul...
[05:34] Shin
    Wait.
[05:35] Shin
    That means...
SIGN    
[05:42] A
    The Shinsengumi Kaiser!
[05:44] A
    Seig heil, Herr Okita de Sade Sogo III!
[05:50] All
    Kaiser!
[05:52] All
    Kaiser!
[05:53] All
    Kaiser!
[05:58] Shin
    He's been promoted way past the rank of commander...
[06:03] Okita
    Silence, gentlemen.
[06:05] Okita
    Two years have passed since the formation of the Holy Shinsengumi Empire.
[06:08] Shin
    Empire?!
[06:09] Shin
    This is an empire?!
[06:10] Okita
    Thanks to your efforts, the empire has been able to extend its influence.
[06:15] Okita
    We now control over half of Edo.
[06:18] Shin
    You don't sound like the police anymore!
[06:21] Okita
    It won't be long before the day comes when we slaughter the Shogun and hoist the flag of our empire...
[06:26] Okita
    ...over Edo Castle!
[06:27] Shin
    That would make you Joi!
[06:29] Shin
    That would make you terrorists now!
[06:31] Okita
    However, we must first take control of a certain area before we can begin our crusade.
[06:36] Okita
    An impregnable town of steel...
[06:38] Okita
    A lawless place for the ruffians of Edo to gather...
[06:42] Okita
    The Kabuki district!
SIGN    
[06:44] Okita
    If we don't secure this town before launching our attack on Edo Castle,
[06:46] Okita
    it will come back to haunt us.
[06:48] Okita
    But worry not!
[06:50] Okita
    Every stronghold has a weakness!
[06:53] Okita
    And I now have the means to exploit that weakness.
[06:56] Okita
    We have taken a friend of Shogun Sakata, the fearless general of the Kabuki district...
[07:00] Okita
    ...as a hostage!
[07:01] Okita
    The town of steel will fall quickly now.
[07:05] Shin
    Hold on!
[07:06] Shin
    Who is this fearless general?!
[07:07] Shin
    Are you trying to crush Odd Jobs?!
[07:09] Okita
    I will eliminate anyone who stands in the way of my ambition.
[07:14] Shin
    Your ambition?!
[07:15] Shin
    When did you join the camp of cliche Edo dominating megalomaniacs, Jerkaiser!
[07:18] Okita
    Hey, that was uncalled for.
[07:20] Okita
    At the very least, you should address me as Jerk of a Kaiser.
[07:22] Okita
    I get annoyed when people combine words.
[07:25] Okita
    Normally, I would have you executed, but I'll spare your life since you have use as a hostage.
[07:30] Okita
    Hijikata, take him away.
[07:32] Hijikata
    Yes, Jerkaiser!
[07:33] Okita
    Yamazaki, smack him.
[07:34] Yama
    Yes, Jerkaiser!
[07:35] Okita
    Why is this catching on?
[07:37] Okita
    Someone, execute everyone besides the hostage.
[07:39] All
    Yes, Jerkaiser!
[07:40] Okita
    Fine, have it your way.
[07:41] Okita
    Starting tomorrow, I'll change my title to Jerkaiser.
[07:43] Okita
    But make the "Jer" inaudible.
[07:48] Shin
    Damn it...
[07:49] Shin
    What's going on?
[07:51] Shin
    Why is this happening?
[07:53] Shin
    I'm sick of this world...
[07:55] Shin
    Nobody I know is here...
[07:59] Hijikata
    Stop sniffling, you wimp.
[08:02] Hijikata
    I finally found someone normal,
[08:05] Hijikata
    but you don't look like you'll be much help.
[08:07] Shin
    Hi-Hijikata-san?
[08:08] Shin
    Are you...
[08:11] Hijikata
    Yeah...
[08:12] Hijikata
    I was also left behind two years, just like you.
[08:28] Tamo
    Here is this week's spotlight.
[08:30] N
    This week's spotlight came in third on the sales chart.
[08:37] N
    The third single from singer-songwriter MADAO-san.
[08:41] N
    The God of Cardboard!
[08:43] Tamo
    This is quite a surprise.
[08:45] Tamo
    Another top-seller?
SIGN    
[08:46] Tamo
    Did you cut your hair?
[08:47] Madao
    Actually, I grew it out.
[08:50] N
    MADAO-san got the inspiration for this song from the sound of
SIGN    
SIGN    
[08:53] ---
    tearing apart cardboard when he was living on the streets.
[08:56] N
    He performed many concerts on the street before achieving his current popularity.
[09:01] Tamo
    So how does it feel to go from living on the streets to cutting your hair?
[09:04] Madao
    Uh, I didn't cut my hair.
[09:05] Madao
    I grew it out.
[09:07] N
    Ah, we're running out of time, so please get on stage.
[09:10] N
    Here's MADAO-san with "I Cut My Hair."
[09:12] Madao
    I said I didn't cut my hair!
[09:14] Madao
    Do you want me to cut my hair?!
[09:16] Madao
    Do I look bad with long hair?!
[09:17] Shin
    What's going on?
[09:19] Hijikata
    That's what I want to know.
[09:21] Hijikata
    I went back to the station after the one year break, and everything was different.
[09:25] Hijikata
    As though everyone else had spent the past two years without me...
[09:28] Shin
    But why...
[09:30] Shin
    Why did you pretend to be different?
[09:33] Hijikata
    Because I thought that I was the one who was crazy.
[09:37] Hijikata
    Wouldn't you?
[09:38] Hijikata
    Every other person had changed.
[09:40] Hijikata
    I was the exception.
[09:43] Hijikata
    Given the situation, what else could I do but laugh?
SIGN    
[09:47] Hijikata
    But I guess I couldn't handle it.
[09:50] Yamazaki
    D-Damn you, Hijikata!
[09:53] Yamazaki
    You think you're gonna get away with this, an?
[09:59] Shin
    Hijikata-san...
[10:00] Shin
    Did we travel through time?
[10:03] Shin
    We're the only ones stuck in a completely different world.
[10:08] Hijikata
    Why did this happen to us?
[10:12] Shin
    Maybe we're being punished...
[10:16] Shin
    Hijikata-san...
[10:18] Shin
    To be honest, I've been...
[10:21] Shin
    ...slacking off on playing the straight man.
[10:24] Shin
    I was always exhausted after dealing with the onslaught of funny men.
[10:28] Shin
    Despite all the work, I wasn't very popular.
[10:31] Shin
    And there wasn't much merchandise featuring me.
[10:32] Shin
    I had to wonder if playing a funny man paid better dividends...
[10:37] Shin
    So while they were airing reruns for the past year,
SIGN    
[10:40] Shin
    I kicked back and completely forgot about playing the straight man.
SIGN    
[10:44] Shin
    But while I was doing nothing,
[10:49] Shin
    everyone else found something to do and build on.
[10:52] Shin
    They were moving forward.
[10:54] Shin
    That's why I was left behind...
[10:59] Shin
    I'm guessing that you know what I'm talking about.
[11:03] Shin
    You were the only normal person in the Shinsengumi.
[11:05] Shin
    You were also in the straight man position.
[11:08] Shin
    But then you added that funny man persona, Tosshi...
[11:11] Hijikata
    That was because of the sword...
[11:13] Shin
    ...and engaged in bizarre behavior involving mayonnaise.
[11:15] Hijikata
    I just happen to like mayonnaise!
[11:17] Shin
    Then how do you explain the smiling act?
[11:19] Shin
    You just wanted to play a funny man, didn't you?
[11:22] Hijikata
    Enough.
[11:23] Shin
    Can you honestly say that you weren't trying to enjoy yourself?
[11:27] Hijikata
    I said enough already, damn it!
[11:32] Shin
    I'm sorry.
[11:33] Shin
    I shouldn't have said that.
[11:34] Hijikata
    Nah, I shouldn't have snapped at you.
[11:36] Hijikata
    Just forget it.
[11:38] Hijikata
    If the world was twisted into its current state by an oversaturation of funny men
[11:41] Hijikata
    because the two of us stopped playing straight men,
[11:46] Hijikata
    we don't have any right to gripe about it.
[11:51] Hijikata
    Yeah...
[11:53] Both
    We have to live in this world...
[11:58] Both
    ...as punishment.
[12:05] Hijikata
    I'm heading back...
[12:06] Hijikata
    ...to the Holy Shinsengumi Empire.
[12:08] Hijikata
    I'll try to stop the kaiser...
[12:10] Hijikata
    ...from attacking Odd Jobs.
[12:12] Hijikata
    That's not going to help anything.
[12:15] Shin
    I see...
[12:16] Shin
    I plan on working at Odd Jobs.
[12:20] Shin
    Gin-san may look like Yamcha
[12:22] Shin
    and Kagura may be bigger than me,
[12:24] Shin
    but Odd Jobs is still the same place.
[12:26] Shin
    Good luck playing the straight man.
[12:28] Hijikata
    Same to you.
[12:31] Shin
    Not that it's going to change anything...
[12:38] Kusano
    Now, we have a breaking news update.
[12:41] Kusano
    The mysterious wart outbreak is continuing to spread throughout Edo.
[12:45] Kusano
    Medical scientists have finally determined the source of this malady.
[12:49] Kusano
    The warts, which attach themselves to organisms and absorb their life energy
[12:52] Kusano
    before eventually taking over the host body,
[12:56] Kusano
    have been identified as parasitic aliens known as Q'Sai Nettles.
[13:00] Kusano
    First, the aliens transform into the figure on your left
[13:03] Kusano
    and assimilate information from the host.
[13:05] Kusano
    Eventually, it transforms into something completely identical to the host.
[13:09] Kusano
    The alien supplants the host
[13:10] Kusano
    and matures the appearance of the host by two years after a few days.
[13:15] Kusano
    It should be noted that these aliens are attracted to ambition.
[13:20] Kusano
    People with more ambition have a higher chance of being infected,
[13:23] Kusano
    and the aliens will evolve according to that ambition.
[13:26] Kusano
    Do you know anyone who's gone through a sudden change and talked about two years passing?
[13:31] Kusano
    It's possible that they've been infected by Q'Sai Nettles.
[13:35] Kusano
    First, you should check if the comatose original is hanging from the body.
[13:38] Kusano
    Then use something like a paper fan to smack the Q'Sai Nettle as hard as you can.
[13:42] Kusano
    Your friends have not changed!
[13:45] Kusano
    Two years haven't passed!
[13:47] Kusano
    The world before you is...
[13:51] Kusano
    ...a world with warts!
[13:55] B
    Oh? Kusano-san?
[13:56] B
    There's something hanging from your head...
[13:58] B
    Is that...
[13:59] Kusano
    Huh?
[14:01] Shin
    So wait.
[14:03] Shin
    What?
[14:03] Shin
    In other words...
[14:06] Shin
    They're all Wartiharu?!
[14:09] Shin
    Yamcha Gin-san is just a Yamcha wart!
[14:11] Shin
    The grown-up Kagura-chan is just a wart with two big warts!
[14:14] Shin
    The gorilla couple is two warts making a wart baby!
[14:17] Hijikata
    Ambition, huh?
[14:19] Hijikata
    Ironic.
[14:21] Hijikata
    We weren't infected because we were slacking off.
[14:26] Hijikata
    And now, we're the only ones who can save them!
[14:30] Shin
    I know exactly what I need to do now!
[14:34] Hijikata
    We're gonna paper fan this twisted wartiworld!
[14:37] Shin
    And take back our world!
[14:41] Kagura
    Shinpachi!
[14:44] Kagura
    Where did you go?
[14:46] Kagura
    I was looking everywhere for you!
[14:48] Shin
    Ka-Kagura-san?!
[14:49] Kagura
    You dummy!
[14:50] Kagura
    I was so worried!
[14:52] Hijikata
    Hey!
[14:52] Hijikata
    Smack her with the fan!
[14:54] Hijikata
    That's just the wart!
[14:56] Shin
    Ka-Kagura-san!
[14:58] Shin
    It's not fair to press that body up against me!
[15:02] Kagura
    I was so lonely.
[15:05] Kagura
    An Odd Jobs without you is like you without glasses.
[15:09] Shin
    Doesn't that mean you only need my glasses?!
[15:12] Kagura
    Shinpachi...
[15:17] Shin
    Is this really a wart?!
[15:19] Shin
    This cute girl...
[15:22] Shin
    Wait, does it even matter if she's a wart...
[15:23] Hijikata
    Don't be fooled!
[15:29] Hijikata
    Kaiser Okita de Sade Sogo III!
[15:33] Okita
    Hi-Hijikata-san...
[15:35] Okita
    I don't want to see you hit a woman...
[15:40] Kagura
    Hey!
[15:41] Kagura
    Hang on, Jerkaiser!
[15:43] Okita
    Huh? How?
[15:45] Okita
    A-After Kondo-san left,
[15:48] Okita
    I devoted my life to making the force bigger...
[15:53] Okita
    I didn't hesitate to commit atrocities for the sake of protecting the Shinsengumi...
[15:59] Okita
    But Hijikata-san...
[16:01] Okita
    If I let you get your hands dirty,
[16:03] Okita
    the Shinsengumi will just be a gang of thugs.
[16:08] Shin
    Hijikata-san?!
[16:09] Shin
    Don't be fooled!
[16:10] Shin
    That's a wart! Just a wart!
[16:12] Okita
    I-I wanted...
[16:15] Okita
    ...to have another bowl of mayonnaise with you...
[16:19] Shin
    That never happened!
[16:20] Shin
    You said it was dog food!
[16:21] Shin
    Stop lying!
[16:23] Hijikata
    Sogo! Get a hold of yourself!
[16:24] Shin
    Uh, that's not going to help!
[16:27] Shin
    You're the one who needs to get a hold of yourself!
[16:28] Shin
    Didn't we establish that he's just a wart?!
[16:30] Shin
    Move!
[16:31] Shin
    I'll finish it off!
[16:32] Otae
    Stop, Shin-chan!
[16:34] Otae
    A samurai would never attack a dying man!
[16:36] Shin
    S-Sis!
[16:38] Shin
    And she already gave birth!
[16:39] Otae
    How could you be so cruel?
[16:43] Otae
    What am I supposed to tell this child?
[16:45] Hijikata
    Don't be fooled!
[16:47] Hijikata
    She's not your sister!
[16:48] Hijikata
    She's just a wart!
[16:49] Shin
    You have no right to say that!
[16:51] Shin
    Fine!
[16:52] Shin
    I won't let you use my sister's face to play wife to the gorilla...
[16:56] Shin
    ...any longer!
[16:57] Otae
    Stop!
[16:58] Otae
    You've got it wrong!
[16:59] Otae
    The father of my child is actually...
[17:01] Otae
    Look at the hair!
[17:05] Shin
    What are you doing?!
[17:07] Hijikata
    Th-That hair...
[17:09] Hijikata
    That V-shaped hair is...?
[17:10] Shin
    Of course not!
[17:11] Shin
    How could the two of you have a kid when you barely even know each other?!
[17:14] Otae
    Forgive me, Toshi-san.
[17:16] Otae
    I couldn't hide my true feelings.
[17:18] Otae
    Even after pretending to be married to Isao-san...
[17:22] Shin
    Wait a sec!
[17:23] Shin
    My sister's turned into one hell of a slutty bitch?!
[17:26] Otae
    Please!
[17:27] Otae
    Take us away!
[17:29] Otae
    To a world without gorillas!
[17:31] Shin
    Hijikata-san!
[17:32] Shin
    Don't be fooled!
[17:33] Shin
    You don't have a kid!
[17:35] Hijikata
    You thought you could fool me with such a cheap trick?
[17:39] Hijikata
    Give me the kid and scram.
[17:41] Hijikata
    I'll look after it.
[17:42] Shin
    You've been completely fooled!
[17:44] Hijikata
    Hey, can you spare the kid?
[17:46] Hijikata
    Let me raise Togoro!
[17:49] Shin
    Calm down!
[17:50] Shin
    Who the hell is Togoro?!
[17:52] Kondo
    Oh? His name is Togoro?
[17:54] Kondo
    What an adorable child.
[17:57] Kondo
    Would you mind letting me hold him?
[17:59] Hijikata
    Oh, he's a newborn, so you'll need to support his head.
[18:02] Kondo
    My, such an adorable child.
[18:06] Kondo
    His mother and father must be lovely.
[18:09] Kondo
    But he's not as adorable as my little girl.
[18:12] Kondo
    Isn't that right,
[18:13] Kondo
    Isako-chan?
[18:14] Shin
    Kondo-san!
[18:15] Shin
    You've lost your mind!
[18:16] Shin
    You've completely lost your mind!
[18:19] Kondo
    I won't let you have your happiness!
[18:22] Kondo
    You're all!
[18:22] Kondo
    You're all...
[18:24] Kondo
    ...headed straight down misery lane!
[18:27] Hijikata
    T-Togoro!
[18:29] Shin
    You can no longer be a straight man!
[18:30] Shin
    You've been completely fooled!
[18:32] Kondo
    Don't come any closer!
[18:35] Kondo
    I'll jump off with the child!
[18:36] Hijikata
    Calm down, Kondo-san!
[18:37] Hijikata
    Let's not be hasty!
[18:38] Shin
    You're the one who needs to calm down!
[18:39] Shin
    We're supposed to be smacking down warts!
[18:41] Shin
    Why are you stopping a wart from killing itself?!
[18:43] Hijikata
    The child has done nothing wrong.
[18:45] Hijikata
    You should blame...
[18:46] Hijikata
    ...Otae and me!
[18:47] Shin
    Blame your poor excuse for a brain!
[18:49] Hijikata
    Kill me instead!
[18:51] Hijikata
    Please...
[18:52] Hijikata
    Spare Togoro!
[18:53] Shin
    Why are you giving up your life for a wart?!
[18:56] Katsura
    To protect your child with your life...
[18:59] Katsura
    Isn't thats how a true parent would behave?
[19:03] Katsura
    Yet look at you.
[19:05] Katsura
    You intend to die by yourself and leave us behind?
[19:09] Kondo
    Wh-Who are you?
[19:10] Katsura
    How cruel...
[19:13] Katsura
    You don't remember who comforted you at the bar after your wife ran out on you?
[19:19] Kondo
    A-Are you...
[19:22] Kondo
    From the bar...
[19:23] Kondo
    From the bar!
[19:24] Kondo
    Zurako-san!
[19:25] Shin
    How?!
[19:27] Shin
    How did you give birth?!
[19:29] Katsura
    You are a father now!
[19:31] Katsura
    So for her sake, for my sake...
[19:35] Katsura
    You must live!
[19:36] Shin
    Aren't the two of you enemies?!
[19:38] Katsura
    Look, it's your father,
[19:40] Katsura
    Gorillina.
[19:40] Shin
    He can't be the father!
[19:42] Shin
    That's an actual gorilla there!
[19:44] Kyubei
    Oh, her name is Gorillina?
[19:46] Kyubei
    Such an adorable child.
[19:48] Kyubei
    Would you mind letting me hold her?
[19:51] Katsura
    Oh, she's a newborn, so her banana hasn't been peeled yet.
[19:54] Shin
    No shit!
[19:56] Kyubei
    My, such an adorable child.
[19:59] Kondo
    But she's not as adorable as my little girl.
[20:02] Shin
    Kyubei-san?!
[20:02] Kondo
    Isn't that right,
[20:03] Kondo
    Willina?
[20:04] Shin
    The hell are you raising?!
[20:06] Shin
    You've lost more than your mind!
[20:09] Kyubei
    I don't need a wife or husband!
[20:11] Kyubei
    I have become the ultimate creature who can be both mother and father!
[20:16] Kyubei
    Have no fear!
[20:19] Kyubei
    I will make these children happy!
[20:20] Hijikata
    Togoro!
[20:21] Kondo
    Gorillina!
[20:22] Katsura
    Willina!
[20:23] Shin
    Damn it!
[20:24] Shin
    Cut this shit out!
[20:42] Shin
    I knew something was wrong.
[20:44] Shin
    Hijikata-san was also infected by a wart.
[20:48] Shin
    Warts that are attracted to ambition...
[20:50] Shin
    This was one hellish nightmare,
[20:53] Shin
    but I learned a valuable lesson.
[20:56] Shin
    The show is finally back on the air.
[20:59] Shin
    I need to stay focused
[21:01] Shin
    and aim as high as I can every week.
[21:05] Shin
    Okay!
[21:06] Shin
    It's all over!
[21:08] Shin
    Starting next week, I'll need to get to work!
[21:10] Shin
    Let's do this!
[21:12] Gin
    No, it's not over yet.
[21:14] Shin
    Huh?
[21:19] Gin
    You're also a wart, Shinpachi.
[21:21] Shin
    What?!
[21:24] Gin
    Man, I was worried.
[21:26] Gin
    Everyone looked different when the show came back on air.
[21:30] Gin
    I had a hard time keeping up with everyone.
[21:32] Gin
    Why was I the only one left out?
[21:34] Gin
    Get a clue, you alien warts.
[21:36] Gin
    But at this rate, it's going to get messy when we catch up to the manga and go on another break.
[21:40] Gin
    These people are actually going to train themselves next time.
[21:43] Gin
    Can't help it.
[21:45] Gin
    When that happens...
[21:48] Gin
    I'll go with this.
SIGN    
SIGN    
[23:20] Gin
    Isn't it a little late for New Year cards?
[23:23] Gin
    And why did everyone send one?!
[23:26] Gin
    What a pain in the ass!
[23:28] Gin
    So next time:
SIGN    
[23:29] Gin
    Use a calligraphy pen for New Year cards!
[23:31] Gin
    Plus another one that's a little late.
SIGN    

E204 - Use a Calligraphy Pen for New Year's Cards/The heart comes before chocolate
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:32] Gin
    "I only received one New Year's card this year.  From a beauty salon..."
[01:36] Gin
    "I didn't receive a single one."
[01:39] Gin
    If anyone out there says any of that crap in the classroom after winter break,
[01:43] Gin
    starting next year, execute 'em!
[01:46] Gin
    That joke is as old as New Year's cards and beauty salons.
[01:50] Gin
    It's too much effort to pretend to brag about that shit.
[01:54] Gin
    I'm sick of it!
[01:56] Gin
    The practice of appearance for appearance's sake!
[01:57] Gin
    Enough of this farce!
[01:59] Gin
    Starting next year, execute every single person who sends a New Year's card!
[02:02] Gin
    Is that your final answer?
[02:04] Shin
    Yeah, yeah.
[02:05] Shin
    Execute away next year.
[02:07] Shin
    All by yourself.
[02:09] Kagura
    Stop babbling like a kiddie.
[02:11] Kagura
    Pen to the paper, pillar of society.
SIGN    Use a Calligraphy Pen for New Year's cards
[02:18] Gin
    Only received a card from a beauty salon?! Lame-o!
[02:21] Gin
    Idiots!
[02:22] Gin
    Why do people get so excited?!
[02:24] Gin
    Happy, my ass!
[02:25] Gin
    There's nothing to be happy about!
[02:27] Gin
    This show follows the Sazae-san format.
    We're stuck in the same year forever!
[02:31] Gin
    It's a waste of time!
[02:32] Gin
    And why are we doing New Year's cards now?
[02:34] Shin
    We don't have a choice.
[02:36] Shin
    The manga kept on rolling with seasonal material while we were on break.
[02:39] Kagura
    A year's worth of joy, all at once.
[02:41] Shin
    Look.
[02:41] Shin
    We got a bunch of cards from our clients.
[02:44] Shin
    If we maintain a friendly relationship with our clients,
[02:46] Shin
    they might give us more work.
SIGN    One hour later...
[02:51] Gin
    There's no end in sight...
[02:53] Gin
    By the time I finish writing all these hope-you-have-a-great-years,
[02:55] Gin
    it'll already be next year.
[02:57] Gin
    And why do you guys look like you're enjoying this?
[02:59] Shin
    Huh?
[03:00] Shin
    This isn't that bad.
[03:02] Shin
    We get to catch up on what's happened.
[03:04] Gin
    You mean when they talk about starting a new life together
[03:06] Gin
    with a wedding picture attached?
SIGN    Happy New Year
SIGN    We are blessed to celebrate our first New Year's together.
SIGN    I hope that I will be able to serve as your editor for a very long time.
SIGN    New Year's Day 2010
SIGN    Atsushi and Chihiro Nakasaki
[03:09] Gin
    You shouldn't assume that other people will be happy about your happiness, fool.
[03:13] Shin
    Uh....
[03:14] Shin
    Wait, who is this?
[03:16] Gin
    And some people are like,
SIGN    Happy New Year
SIGN    I appreciate everything
SIGN    Kouhei Oonishi
[03:17] Gin
    "We have a new member in the family!" with a picture of a baby.
[03:21] Gin
    Don't make it sound like this just magically happened.
[03:23] Gin
    Just write that you had a baby after ****ing like rabbits.
[03:25] Shin
    Nobody's going to say that on a New Year's card!
[03:27] Shin
    And who is this?
[03:28] Shin
    Who are these people?!
[03:29] Gin
    Also...
[03:30] Gin
    Don't bother if you're feeling lazy.
[03:32] Gin
    You'll end up hurting someone's feelings.
SIGN    Weekly Shounen Jump wants to thank you.
SIGN    Yuu Saitou
SIGN    Manuscripts are more important than your health!! -Saitou
[03:34] Shin
    This wasn't sent to you, was it?
[03:36] Shin
    And those editors are seriously brutal!
[03:39] Shin
    But I like how New Year's cards are short and concise, unlike letters.
[03:45] Shin
    Oh, look.
[03:46] Shin
    There's one from Sakamoto-san.
[03:48] Gin
    From Tatsuma?
[03:49] Sakamoto
    Last year's Taiga drama was about me.
[03:52] Gin
    What kind of message is that?!
[03:54] Gin
    He wants to fully exploit his brief surge in popularity!
[03:56] Gin
    You're getting another year of spot appearances in the openings and endings!
[03:59] Shin
    There's also one from Mutsu-san.
[04:01] Mutsu
    Don't bother tearing this up.
[04:03] Kagura
    I also received cards from the Kaientai.
[04:06] Gin
    Why did they send cards to each of us?!
[04:08] Gin
    That's so obnoxious!
[04:10] Gin
    They're really dying for some screen time!
[04:11] Shin
    Wait...
[04:12] Shin
    There's a card from the Kiheitai!
[04:14] Gin
    Huh?!
[04:14] Gin
    From Takasugi?!
[04:15] Takasugi
    Happy New Year.
[04:18] Takasugi
    I'll be destroying everything again this year.
[04:20] Gin
    No way...
[04:21] Gin
    He sent a New Year's card?
[04:23] Gin
    Isn't this more like a declaration of war?
[04:24] Kagura
    It might be a death threat.
SIGN    Matako Kijima, Bansai Kawakami, Henpeita Takechi
[04:27] All
    The Kiheitai made an appearance in this year's Taiga drama.
[04:29] Gin
    You too?!
[04:31] Gin
    Does everybody want more screen time?!
[04:34] Shin
    Oh, there's one from Katsura-san.
[04:37] Gin
    What?
[04:38] Gin
    Zura gets plenty of screen time.
[04:40] Katsura
    I was on standby outside the entire time during the Santa episode.
[04:44] Gin
    Like I give a damn!
[04:46] Kagura
    He never had a chance to jump in since
    there were so many characters around.
[04:51] Shin
    He sent a whole bunch.
[04:52] Katsura
    Has Lady Kyubei taken over the role of token hardhead?
[04:53] Katsura
    I was on standby outside the entire time during the Santa episode.
[04:55] Katsura
    You no longer need me with Lady Kyubei around?
[04:56] Katsura
    I was on standby outside the entire time during the Santa episode.
[04:57] Gin
    We already said that your characters don't overlap!
[04:57] Katsura
    I was a character in this show before Lady Kyubei was.
[04:58] Gin
    You're just a psychotic moron!
[05:01] Gin
    Man, these people aren't taking this seriously.
[05:03] Gin
    They make the silly Nakasaki couple look brilliant.
[05:07] Shin
    Gin-san, someone else got married.
SIGN    Gintoki and Ayame Sakata
[05:11] Sa
    We got married!
[05:13] Sa
    Guess I'm first, Otae.
[05:15] Gin
    The hell is this?!
[05:17] Shin
    It's no use, Gin-san.
[05:17] Shin
    She sent a whole stack.
[05:19] Gin
    That bitch has really done it now!
[05:22] Gin
    Look at the shoddy picture!
[05:23] Gin
    That's somebody else's body below my face!
[05:25] Kagura
    Someone sent a card to congratulate you.
[05:28] Ketsuno
    Congratulations!
[05:30] Ketsuno
    Make sure you don't end up getting divorced.
[05:32] Gin
    Ana Ketsuno!
[05:33] Gin
    What has she done?!
[05:35] Kagura
    Looks like she sent them everywhere.
SIGN    Hinowa
[05:38] Hinowa
    Happy New Year.
[05:39] Hinowa
    And congratulations on your marriage.
[05:41] Hinowa
    This news will make Tsukuyo sad.
[05:41] Tsukuyo
    May you be happy together!
SIGN    Seita
[05:43] Seita
    Ever since Tsukuyo heard that Gin-san got married, she's been feeling down.
[05:46] Tsukuyo
    May you be happy together!
SIGN    Tsukyo
[05:48] Tsukuyo
    I appreciate your help last year.
[05:49] Tsukuyo
    Don't make your wife cry.
[05:51] Tsukuyo
    May you be happy together.
[05:53] Shin
    This is getting awkward...
[05:55] Shin
    It's obvious that Tsukuyo-san edited their cards.
[05:58] Kagura
    You also received one from the monkeys.
SIGN    Doesn't he look just like Shinpachi-kun?
[06:01] Kondo
    Congratulations!
[06:02] Kondo
    I hope that our kids get to go to school together.
[06:04] Shin
    How many steps did that stupid gorilla skip?!
[06:07] Shin
    Just like me?!
[06:08] Shin
    It is me!
[06:10] Gin
    Whoa.
[06:11] Gin
    He also sent his everywhere.
SIGN    Strawberry milk
[06:14] Otsu
    Thank you for all the supportapoop!
[06:16] Otsu
    I hope that you and the gorilla are happy together.
[06:17] Shin
    Otsu-chan!
[06:18] shin
    She's got this totally wrong!
[06:20] Gin
    Look.
[06:21] Gin
    There's one from the Yagyu household.
[06:22] Kyubei
    I'm going to murder the gorilla.
[06:23] Kyubei
    I'm going to murder the gorilla!
[06:25] Kyubei
    I'm going to murder Kondo!
[06:26] Shin
    Wait!
[06:26] Shin
    Kyubei-san's cards are the ones that need editing!
[06:29] Shin
    Her murderous rage is plain to see!
[06:30] Kagura
    Gin-chan, here's another one from Zura.
[06:33] Gin
    Why?!
[06:33] Gin
    Don't tell me that he's also lying about getting married...
[06:37] Katsura
    I was on standby outside the entire time during the ceremony.
[06:40] Gin
    The hell is he doing?!
[06:42] Gin
    Is he obsessed with being on standby?!
[06:43] Gin
    There was no ceremony!
[06:45] Gin
    And even if there was, it would have been too late!
[06:47] Gin
    Hey, let's deal with these pains in the ass later.
[06:50] Gin
    Start by replying to the normal people.
[06:53] Shin
    Do we know any normal people...?
[06:55] Shin
    No way!
[06:56] Shin
    This one's from Hijikata-san?
[06:57] Gin
    Whoa.
[06:58] Gin
    What's this about?
[07:00] Hijikata
    I haven't seen Kondo-san in a week.
[07:03] Hijikata
    Do you know anything?
[07:05] Shin
    W-We don't know anything, right?
[07:07] Gin
    We know nothing at all.
[07:08] Gin
    No clue at all.
[07:10] Shin
    L-Let's move on.
[07:12] Shin
    Ah!
[07:13] Shin
    This is from Zenzo-san.
[07:15] Zenzo
    I need to talk with Sarutobi about a job,
[07:17] Zenzo
    but I haven't been able to reach her for a week.
[07:19] Zenzo
    Have you seen her around?
[07:24] Shin
    The people who sent out fake wedding notices are disappearing one after another...
[07:29] Gin
    It's not related.
[07:31] Gin
    I mean, look at this.
SIGN    Hatsu Hasegawa
[07:32] Hatsu
    I can't reach my husband.
[07:34] Hatsu
    I found some of my husband's belongings by the river.
[07:37] Hatsu
    Do you know anything?
[07:39] Gin
    Yeah?
[07:39] Gin
    Hasegawa-san's missing and he wasn't involved in that crap.
[07:42] Gin
    It's okay.
[07:43] Shin
    It's not okay!
[07:44] Shin
    He's missing for a completely different reason!
[07:47] Shin
    I have a really bad feeling about this.
[07:49] Shin
    Hasegawa-san aside,
[07:51] Shin
    the other two must have gotten into some kind New-Year-card-related trouble.
[07:52] Gin
    It's not related.
[07:53] Kagura
    Oh, there's one from the boss lady.
[07:55] Otae
    I am unable to wish you a happy new year in this time of mourning.
[07:59] Otae
    In December, our pet gorilla and bitch passed away.
[08:03] Otae
    This year will be...
[08:04] Gin
    You had pets?
[08:06] Shin
    We did.
[08:07] Kagura
    I've never seen them before.
[08:09] Gin
    There was that "I'm first, Otae" message.
[08:12] Gin
    That must have pissed her off.
[08:14] Shin
    P-Please don't tell anyone.
[08:16] Gin
    Well, it's not exactly a secret.
[08:18] Okita
    I haven't seen Kondo-san in a week.
[08:21] Okita
    Do you know anything about someone's older sister killing him?
[08:25] Shin
    How many older sisters are there in this show?!
[08:27] Gin
    And look, there's one from Yamazaki.
[08:29] Shin
    What?!
[08:29] Shin
    Yamazaki-san?!
[08:30] Yamazaki
    Anpan! Anpan! Anpan!
[08:31] Shin
    What the hell happened to Yamazaki-san?!
[08:34] Kagura
    Gin-chan, there's a really weird New Year's card.
[08:37] Kagura
    From Gondo.
[08:39] Gin
    Where the hell is Gondo?
[08:41] Gin
    Do we know anyone there?
[08:43] Kagura
    It's from someone called Mamyudapao.
[08:45] Gin
    I'm 100% positive that we don't know this person!
[08:47] Gin
    I'm 100% positive that this is a complete stranger!
[08:49] Kagura
    Let me read it.
[08:51] Madao
    My name is Mamudapao Hasegawa.
[08:54] Gin
    It's just Hasegawa-san!
[08:55] Gin
    How far did the river carry him?!
[08:58] Madao
    When I came to this place,
[08:59] Madao
    I could only remember the words Hasegawa and oldsocks.
[09:04] Gin
    You've got it wrong!
[09:06] Gin
    It's orthodox!
[09:08] Madao
    Mamudapao was the name given to me by the Hingromaxon chief who found me.
[09:14] Madao
    It means floating log,
[09:16] Madao
    drifter,
[09:17] Madao
    freeter,
[09:18] Madao
    Nintendo,
[09:19] Madao
    and sinking old man.
[09:20] Gin
    There are too many meanings!
[09:22] Gin
    The last one contradicts the first one!
[09:25] Madao
    Mamudapao.
[09:26] Madao
    Everyone calls me Madao for short.
[09:28] Gin
    So they still call you Madao in the end!
[09:31] Madao
    The people of the Hingromaxon tribe are very kind.
[09:35] Madao
    They were willing to share their fruit with a complete stranger.
[09:39] Gin
    They clearly hate you!
[09:41] Madao
    I had no memories, but I was...
[09:45] Madao
    ...satisfied with my life here.
[09:46] Gin
    This man is the definition of a masochist!
[09:49] Madao
    I had a mission before I lost my memories.
[09:53] Madao
    But I can't remember what it was.
[09:55] Madao
    When I washed ashore, I was holding a piece of paper with some strange characters.
[10:00] Madao
    Will they help unlock my memories?
[10:03] Madao
    I showed the piece of paper to the chief,
[10:05] Madao
    and he said that he'd seen something similar before.
[10:07] Madao
    The Hingromaxon were engaged in a turf war with two other tribes.
[10:13] Madao
    He'd seen the other chiefs with similar pieces of paper.
[10:18] Chief
    They are also Madao, Mamudapao who
    came ashore from a different world like you.
[10:24] Chief
    They used their fearsome strength to rise to power
[10:28] Chief
    and began to invade our sacred forest.
[10:31] Chief
    They are monsters.
[10:33] Chief
    Our tribe stands no chance against them.
[10:36] Chief
    But Madao,
[10:37] Chief
    since you also came from a different world...
[10:41] Madao
    I may die.
[10:43] Madao
    But if I choose to live without fulfilling my duty,
[10:49] Madao
    I might as well be dead!
[10:52] Sa
    Move it!
[10:53] Sa
    Outta the way!
[10:54] Kondo
    Don't interfere with our crusade!
[10:57] Madao
    Stop this pointless war.
[10:59] Madao
    We are all children of this planet.
[11:01] Madao
    One big family.
[11:03] Sa
    Don't lump me in with you wretches!
[11:05] Kondo
    Our tribe is meant to rule the sacred forest!
[11:09] Madao
    No.
[11:10] Madao
    I'm sure that we share the same purpose.
[11:13] Kondo
    That's...
[11:15] Kondo
    I've always wondered who I was...
[11:17] Sa
    Wondered what I was meant to do...
[11:19] Kondo
    For a very long time...
[11:21] Sa
    Ever since I was wrapped up in a mat and washed away...
[11:25] All
    I always thought I was alone...
[11:28] Madao
    The next thing I knew, the three of us were holding each other in tears.
[11:33] Madao
    And without a word, we each took out our pieces of paper.
[11:37] Madao
    They were completely different and couldn't be pieced together,
[11:41] Madao
    but our fragmented memories were united.
[11:44] A
    Chief, what about the crusade?
[11:46] Kondo
    I don't have time for that nonsense.
[11:49] B
    What are you going to do then?
[11:51] Sa
    That should be obvious.
[11:54] Madao
    Let's write a New Year's card together.
[11:57] All
    Happy New Year!
[11:59] All
    We have new members in the family!
[12:06] Shin
    Gin-san, there's also this...
[12:10] Katsura
    I was on standby on a raft to Gondo,
SIGN    Kotaro Katsura
[12:13] Katsura
    but I ended up in Rhone.
[12:17] Kagura
    Gin-chan, how should we respond?
SIGN    The Gintama anime wasn't able to ride the Ryomaden wave.
[12:20] Gin
    Make copies of this to send to everyone.
[12:26] Gin
    "I only received one chocolate this year. From my mom..."
[12:30] Gin
    "I win. I got two. Including my sister..."
[12:35] Gin
    If anyone out there starts gloating the day after Valentine's,
[12:39] Gin
    starting next year, execute 'em.
[12:41] Gin
    That joke is as old as chocolate and moms.
[12:47] Gin
    Cut the crap.
[12:48] Gin
    Don't put on airs by joking around to show that you don't care!
[12:51] Gin
    I'm sick of it!
[12:52] Gin
    The practice of passing chocolate around like idiots!
[12:58] Gin
    Enough of this farce!
[12:59] Gin
    Starting next year,
[13:01] Gin
    execute every single person who gives or receives chocolate!
[13:03] Gin
    Is that your final answer?
[13:05] Shin
    That's my final answer!
[13:09] Gin
    Final answer, my ass!
[13:11] Gin
    Somebody bring me some chocolate!
[13:13] Gin
    This makes no sense at all!
[13:14] Gin
    Everything was the same as the first half!
[13:17] Gin
    There was a stack of New Year's cards after the scene change!
[13:19] Gin
    So why isn't there any chocolate here?!
[13:21] Gin
    I want chocolate!
[13:22] Gin
    No need for love!
[13:24] Gin
    Just give me sugar!
[13:27] Shin
    I want love and that's my final answer!
[13:30] Shin
    Wait, can I ask the audience?
[13:32] Gin
    You can spend the rest of your life on the phone with Regis.
[13:38] Otae
    Sorry about making you come with me.
[13:41] Kagura
    I've heard that Valentine's is when girls give chocolate to the people they like.
[13:44] Kagura
    Does that mean you like a whole bunch of people?
[13:47] Otae
    These are just for passing out to our customers.
[13:50] Otae
    As for the people I like...
[13:51] Otae
    Here.
[13:53] Kagura
    Boss lady!
[13:54] Kagura
    I love you lots!
[13:57] Kagura
    But I don't have any chocolate for you.
[13:59] Otae
    It's okay.
[14:00] Otae
    You should find a nice man to give your chocolate to.
[14:03] Kagura
    But there's nobody.
[14:05] Otae
    You could give chocolate to Gin-san and Shin-chan this time.
[14:08] Kagura
    What? Forget it.
[14:09] Kagura
    I don't really like those morons.
[14:12] Kagura
    They'll probably gripe about not wanting any chocolate from a little brat.
[14:15] Otae
    That's not true.
[14:17] Otae
    I'm sure they'll be surprised, even thrilled, if you give them chocolate.
[14:22] Kagura
    They don't need me when people like Sa-chan will give them some.
[14:26] Kagura
    Thanks for the chocolate.
[14:27] Otae
    Ah, Kagura-chan.
[14:45] Gin
    Hey, why are you so fidgety, Kagura?
[14:49] Kagura
    I-I'm not!
[14:51] Gin
    Don't tell me that...
[14:56] Gin
    ...you need to poop?
[14:58] Gin
    Move it then.
[14:59] Gin
    Constipation is bad for beauty.
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[15:07] Seita
    Ka-Kagura-chan!
[15:09] Seita
    Is this what I think it is?!
[15:11] Kagura
    Chocolate.
[15:11] Seita
    R-Really?!
[15:13] Seita
    Mom!
[15:14] Seita
    She gave me chocolate!
[15:17] Hinowa
    Thank you for being so thoughtful.
[15:19] Kagura
    It's nothing.
[15:21] Seita
    This doesn't have boogers or anything inside, right?
[15:23] Seita
    It's safe to eat?
[15:24] Kagura
    It's obviously safe. Want me to kill you?
[15:26] Hinowa
    You're much more chic than I thought.
[15:30] Hinowa
    You have the potential to become a courtesan.
[15:32] Kagura
    Really?
[15:33] Kagura
    Then I should quit working at that dump and move here.
[15:37] Seita
    Hey, can I eat this?
[15:39] Seita
    I see sesame seeds for some reason.
[15:41] Tsukuyo
    Don't touch those.
[15:43] Tsukuyo
    Boogers can make you sick.
[15:46] Kagura
    Enough already!
[15:47] Kagura
    Do you people think I'm some kind of monster?!
[15:50] Tsukuyo
    Hinowa, I'm heading out for a bit.
[15:52] Kagura
    Hey, wait!
[15:54] Kagura
    Give that back!
[15:55] Tsukuyo
    Excuse me.
[15:57] Tsukuyo
    I'd like to buy that big chocolate heart.
[15:59] Man
    Sure thing.
[16:00] Kagura
    Hey, what are you doing, Tsu-ki?
[16:03] Tsukuyo
    Hinowa actually told me to give you guys chocolate from Yoshiwara.
[16:09] Tsukuyo
    Can you take care of that for me?
[16:11] Tsukuyo
    It'll be easier for you to hand yours over with mine.
[16:15] Kagura
    Tsu-ki!
[16:16] Kagura
    You're so sharp!
[16:18] Kagura
    Completely different from that clueless numbskull with wavy hair!
[16:20] Kagura
    But, I'd really appreciate it if you would come with me.
[16:24] Tsukuyo
    I-I can't help you there.
[16:25] Kagura
    Why? You also think it's embarrassing?
[16:27] Tsukuyo
    Wh-Why would I be embarrassed?!
[16:30] Tsukuyo
    I don't give a damn about Valentine's.
[16:33] Tsukuyo
    I only bought this chocolate because I was ordered to, not because I wanted to...
[16:36] Kagura
    You look embarrassed.
[16:37] Man
    Sorry to keep you waiting.
[16:38] Kagura
    Well, I understand.
[16:40] Kagura
    I'll let them know how you feel.
SIGN    From Tsu-ki with love
SIGN    To Odd Jobs
[16:42] Tsukuyo
    What do you think you're doing?!
[16:45] Man
    Well, she kept calling you Tsu-ki,
[16:48] Man
    so I decided to add a little something special.
[16:48] Tsukuyo
    You're not helping!
[16:50] Tsukuyo
    Say that it's from everyone in Yoshiwara!
[16:52] Man
    I apologize.
[16:52] Man
    I'll get that fixed real quick,
[16:53] Man
    so please wait, Tsu-ki.
[16:55] Tsukuyo
    Why are you calling me Tsu-ki?!
[16:57] Tsukuyo
    Hey, I'm starting to get worried,
[17:00] Tsukuyo
    so mind if I tag along?
[17:02] Kagura
    Yay!
[17:03] Woman
    Um, would you like to try some while you're waiting?
[17:07] Tsukuyo
    Man, everybody loves to make assumptions.
[17:11] Kagura
    That looks good.
[17:13] Kagura
    Can I try one?
[17:14] Woman
    Sorry.
[17:16] Woman
    These are whiskey bonbons,
[17:17] Woman
    and you're still too young.
[17:23] Gin
    We're not interested in a newspaper subscription.
[17:25] Tsukuyo
    Excuse me, is Gintoki-kun here?
[17:28] Tsukuyo
    Gosh, I went and opened my mouth!
[17:30] Tsukuyo
    Oh, dear.
[17:31] Tsukuyo
    My heart is pounding...
[17:33] Tsukuyo
    This is too much for me.
[17:34] Tsukuyo
    It's too embarrassing...
[17:37] Tsukuyo
    In your dreams, sucker!
[17:43] Sa
    You want us to hand over our chocolate together?
[17:46] Kagura
    Yeah, I've tried a couple times and failed.
[17:49] Sa
    Don't be a fool?
[17:50] Sa
    Why would we confess our feelings as a group?
[17:52] Sa
    Are we still in middle school?
[17:53] Kagura
    We're just going to give them chocolate.
[17:55] Kagura
    But I'm having trouble because it's so embarrassing.
[17:58] Kagura
    I need help from an insensitive woman like you.
[18:01] Sa
    I've never been so insulted while being asked for a favor.
[18:04] Sa
    Besides!
[18:06] Sa
    Tsu-ki, how could you let this happen?
[18:08] Sa
    Is that the power of 10th place?
[18:09] Sa
    Is that what it takes to place 10th?
[18:11] Tsukuyo
    You're still upset about that?
[18:13] Sa
    I would never choose to help a rival,
[18:15] Sa
    but you girls are so pathetic that there's no threat at all.
[18:20] Sa
    First, strip naked and coat yourself in this chocolate.
[18:24] Sa
    That's where it all begins.
[18:26] Tsukuyo
    That's where it all begins?
[18:27] Tsukuyo
    More like that's where it all ends.
[18:29] Sa
    Lose the innocent girl act!
[18:30] Sa
    Don't you realize that I'm telling you to stop feeling ashamed?!
[18:33] Tsukuyo
    I'm willing to stop feeling ashamed,
[18:33] Tsukuyo
    but I won't stop behaving like a proper human being.
[18:36] Sa
    What?!
[18:37] Sa
    Don't you know that Cleopatra got naked
[18:39] Sa
    and lotioned herself up inside a rolled-up rug for the sake of seducing the king?!
[18:43] Tsukuyo
    We aren't trying to seduce anyone!
[18:45] Tsukuyo
    We just want to give them chocolate!
[18:49] Sa
    Fine.
[18:50] Sa
    We'll do this the normal way.
[18:52] Sa
    Honestly, you're so dull.
[18:55] Sa
    Then I'll press the doorbell...
[18:59] Sa
    Um...
[19:00] Sa
    Why are you lined up behind me?
[19:03] Sa
    How shy are you?!
[19:04] Sa
    Can you stop that?!
[19:06] Sa
    You're making me nervous!
[19:08] Sa
    I'm going to press the doorbell now.
[19:09] Sa
    Are you ready?
[19:15] Kagura
    Sa-chan!
[19:17] Tsukuyo
    Hey! What was that?!
[19:18] Sa
    Actually...
[19:20] Sa
    Now that I think about it...
[19:21] Sa
    I've never tried doing it the normal way,
[19:24] Sa
    so I don't know what to say.
[19:26] Tsukuyo
    Didn't you just lecture me about Cleopatra?!
[19:29] Sa
    Sorry! I can't do it!
[19:30] Sa
    You go, Tsu-ki!
[19:31] Sa
    I feel so embarrassed!
[19:32] Tsukuyo
    It's too late for that now!
[19:33] Tsukuyo
    Kagura, you go.
[19:35] Tsukuyo
    Isn't this your home?
[19:35] Kagura
    Hey!
[19:36] Kagura
    Why do you think I brought you with me?!
[19:39] Shin
    Where did Kagura-chan go?
[19:43] Gin
    She ran off somewhere to take a dump.
[19:47] Gin
    Huh?
[19:48] Gin
    Wasn't there someone here?
[19:49] Shin
    No, nobody's here.
[19:54] Shin
    Was this can here earlier?
[19:56] Shin
    Whatever.
[20:07] Tsukuyo
    Um, I'd appreciate it if you left this in front of Odd Jobs when you get a chance.
[20:13] Tsukuyo
    Sorry that I wasn't any help.
[20:16] Sa
    I appreciate it!
SIGN    To Gin-chan and Shinpachi --Kagura
[20:33] Otae
    I'm sorry.
[20:35] Otae
    I suppose I shouldn't have said anything.
[20:38] Kagura
    Nah.
[20:40] Kagura
    It was fun to do girly stuff with them.
[20:44] Kagura
    Though it's not very me.
[20:47] Kagura
    It's better this way.
[20:48] Otae
    Kagura-chan...
[20:50] Otae
    You could have asked me to come along.
[20:53] Otae
    I have some extra chocolate for them.
[20:55] Otae
    But if you aren't going to give them yours, I won't either.
[20:58] Kagura
    It's okay.
[20:59] Kagura
    I'll give them yours with the other ones.
[21:02] Otae
    But what about you?
[21:04] Kagura
    It's okay.
[21:08] Kagura
    I don't need to use chocolate
[21:10] Kagura
    to show off my planet-sized love!
[21:17] Kagura
    Right?
[21:20] Otae
    That's right.
[21:23] A
    Counting the ones that don't count, I got three...
[21:28] Gin
    We didn't get a single one this year.
[21:31] Shin
    That's my final answer.
[21:35] Kagura
    There were three outside the door.
[21:38] Kagura
    Isn't that nice?
[21:40] Shin
    Huh?! What?!
[21:41] Shin
    No way!
[21:41] Shin
    From who?!
[21:42] Shin
    For who?!
SIGN    Sugar Content
[21:43] Gin
    Get your grubby paws off them!
[21:44] Gin
    They're obviously for me!
SIGN    For Gin-san and Four-Eyes
SIGN    From Kagura
SIGN    From Kagura with love
SIGN    To Gintoki and Shinpachi
SIGN    I love Gin-chan and Shinpachi
    Kagura
[21:52] Gin
    Shinpachi...
[21:54] Gin
    We got four this year.
[21:57] Shin
    That's my final answer.
SIGN    The Heart Comes Before Chocolate
SIGN    Next Episode
SIGN    Meals Should Be Balanced
[23:30] Yamazaki
    Sorry about the confusion.
[23:31] Yamazaki
    After next week, you'll finally understand all the fuss about anpan.

E205 - Meals Should Be Balanced
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:33] Sachi
    Oh, sorry.
[01:35] Yamazaki
    No, I wasn't paying attention either.
[01:36] Sachi
    Your bag...
[01:38] Sachi
    I'm so sorry.
[01:39] Sachi
    Were there any eggs inside?
[01:41] Yamazaki
    It's okay.
[01:42] Yamazaki
    There wasn't anything important inside.
[01:44] Yamazaki
    Really, don't worry about it.
[01:46] Yamazaki
    Bye.
[01:46] Sachi
    Ah, please wait!
[01:49] Sachi
    You forgot this.
[01:50] Yamazaki
    Oh, thank you.
[01:53] Sachi
    So...
[01:55] Sachi
    Do you like anpan?
SIGN    Meals Should Be Balanced
[02:06] Yamazaki
    I don't.
[02:08] Yamazaki
    Anpan and milk.
[02:10] Yamazaki
    This is how I run a stakeout.
[02:12] Yamazaki
    I don't eat anything else until it's over.
[02:16] Yamazaki
    Basically, it's an offering to the gods.
[02:19] Yamazaki
    I personally can't stand it, but the god of stakeouts is a big fan, so that's that.
[02:22] Yamazaki
    A truth that has been shown in police dramas around the world.
[02:26] Yamazaki
    For the success of this stakeout,
[02:28] Yamazaki
    I must suppress my desire to eat curry, katsudon, and yakiniku,
[02:32] Yamazaki
    and munch on anpan instead.
[02:34] Hijikata
    You're not supposed to come into contact with the target.
[02:38] Hijikata
    And you're supposed to be an inspector?
[02:40] Yamazaki
    Do you realize how weird it is to stake out a stakeout?
[02:44] Yamazaki
    You should have volunteered if you have nothing better to do.
[02:47] Hijikata
    Don't get so upset.
[02:49] Hijikata
    I see that you're only eating anpan again.
[02:51] Hijikata
    You can be superstitious if you want,
[02:54] Hijikata
    but you won't last long if you aren't eating right.
[02:56] Ramen
    Sorry about the wait.
[02:58] Hijikata
    Oh, thanks.
[03:00] Yamazaki
    Don't even bother, Vice Chief.
[03:02] Yamazaki
    I don't need ramen!
[03:04] Yamazaki
    Well, if you insist, I suppose I don't have a choice.
[03:08] Yamazaki
    An order from you is absolute.
[03:11] Hijikata
    Huh? What'd you say?
[03:13] Yamazaki
    Nothing.
[03:15] Hijikata
    So how would you describe this Sachi Narasaki?
[03:19] Yamazaki
    She seems to be a nice person,
[03:21] Yamazaki
    going by the five days I've been watching her.
[03:24] Yamazaki
    I find it hard to believe that she's the older sister of a brutal Joi terrorist.
[03:28] Hijikata
    Oh?
[03:29] Hijikata
    If you look at Sogo,
[03:30] Hijikata
    one sibling tends to be more responsible when the other is anything but.
[03:34] Yamazaki
    Vice Chief, you're a little too close...
[03:37] Yamazaki
    And what about Donbei?
[03:39] Hijikata
    He's been running around like crazy.
[03:43] Hijikata
    Apparently, he stole money from his fellow terrorists.
[03:45] Hijikata
    They're trying to chase him down.
[03:48] Hijikata
    His only option is to run to his sister.
[03:50] Yamazaki
    I can't say that I like the idea of using his sister as bait.
[03:55] Hijikata
    Do you like the idea of letting her brother run wild?
[04:00] Hijikata
    Besides, what if the Joi who are chasing Donbei decide to use her as bait...
[04:09] Hijikata
    We'll use his sister as bait to wipe them all out.
[04:13] Hijikata
    Leave the dirty work to us.
[04:15] Hijikata
    Yamazaki, I'm giving you a different mission.
[04:18] Hijikata
    Protect the girl.
[04:21] Yamazaki
    Sagaru Yamazaki's Observation Report:
SIGN    Week 1 of Living on Anpan
[04:23] Yamazaki
    I've been living on anpan for an entire week now.
[04:26] Yamazaki
    What I'd give for a bowl of miso soup.
[04:29] Yamazaki
    The girl hasn't made a move yet.
[04:32] Yamazaki
    Sachi Narasaki.
[04:33] Yamazaki
    Owner of the bar Nonbei.
[04:35] Yamazaki
    The story is that she's a dutiful daughter
[04:38] Yamazaki
    who's been running her father's business by herself since he died four years ago.
[04:41] Yamazaki
    On the other hand, her brother Donbei is notorious for being a nasty villain.
[04:47] Yamazaki
    He regularly came to his sister for money after she took over the bar.
[04:52] Yamazaki
    A dutiful daughter under duress,
[04:54] Yamazaki
    the younger brother who continues to put her in danger,
[04:57] Yamazaki
    and the terrorists who are after them.
[05:00] Yamazaki
    My mission is to monitor the Joi terrorists,
[05:04] Yamazaki
    while protecting the girl.
[05:05] Yamazaki
    I, Sagaru Yamazaki, Shinsengumi inspector, vow to protect her!
[05:09] Yamazaki
    And with my newfound determination, I once again munch on anpan.
[05:14] Yamazaki
    Day 8 of living on anpan.
[05:17] Yamazaki
    When I went to the supermarket yesterday,
[05:19] Yamazaki
    I could hear people whispering, "Anpanman is here! No kidding!" in the back,
SIGN    Nonbei
[05:22] Yamazaki
    but the girl hasn't made a move yet.
[05:24] Yamazaki
    Her customers are all regulars.
[05:27] Yamazaki
    Every day is the same.
[05:29] Yamazaki
    I can only hope that her peaceful life lasts forever.
[05:33] Yamazaki
    As I begin to forget my purpose here,
[05:36] Yamazaki
    I once again munch on anpan.
[05:39] Yamazaki
    Day 12 of living on anpan.
[05:42] Yamazaki
    I've just realized that it's been days since I've talked to anyone.
[05:44] Yamazaki
    The last words I spoke were, "No, put it in one bag," three days ago,
[05:49] Yamazaki
    but the girl hasn't made a move yet.
[05:52] Yamazaki
    For a moment, I almost thought that she was looking at me,
SIGN    Nonbei
[05:55] Yamazaki
    but it must have been my imagination.
[05:56] Yamazaki
    As I try to pull myself together,
[05:58] Yamazaki
    I once again munch on anpan.
[06:00] Yamazaki
    But I could only finish half of it.
[06:02] Yamazaki
    Day 15 of living on anpan.
[06:05] Yamazaki
    When I went to the convenience store,
[06:06] Yamazaki
    people started whispering, "The in-one-bag guy is here!"
[06:08] Yamazaki
    "He's gonna buy anpan and milk!"
[06:10] Yamazaki
    "In one bag!" and stuff,
SIGN    Nonbei
[06:12] Yamazaki
    but the girl hasn't made a move yet.
[06:15] Yamazaki
    What do I do if nothing happens?
[06:18] Yamazaki
    As I attempt to ignore those doubts,
[06:20] Yamazaki
    I once again munch on anpan.
[06:22] Yamazaki
    And then I throw it all up.
[06:25] Yamazaki
    Day 20 of living on anpan.
[06:27] Yamazaki
    It's been so long since I last spoke that I was wondering if my voice still worked,
[06:31] Yamazaki
    so I screamed at the top of my lungs and the guy next door replied,
[06:33] Guy
    "Shut up!"
[06:34] Yamazaki
    while banging on the wall, which had me jumping up and down with joy
[06:36] Yamazaki
    over the fact that I actually held a conversation,
[06:38] Yamazaki
    but the girl still hasn't made a move yet.
[06:40] Yamazaki
    She just smiles day after day.
[06:44] Yamazaki
    There are more exciting ways to live.
[06:48] Yamazaki
    Such as harboring a fugitive younger brother.
[06:52] Yamazaki
    And with that thought, I once again...
[06:56] Yamazaki
    ...smash anpan against the wall.
[06:58] Yamazaki
    Day 22 of living on anpan.
[07:00] Yamazaki
    Give me a break already.
[07:02] Yamazaki
    When is her younger brother going to show up?
[07:04] Yamazaki
    When will I be released from this anpan curse?
[07:06] Guy
    Shut up!
[07:07] Yamazaki
    Hurry, younger brother!
[07:10] Yamazaki
    Save me from the endless anpan!
[07:13] Yamazaki
    As I make that wish from the bottom of my heart,
[07:16] Yamazaki
    I sparking the anpan into the sky!
[07:19] Yamazaki
    Day 23 of living on anpan.
[07:21] Yamazaki
    I sparking the anpan into the supermarket clerk!
[07:23] Yamazaki
    Day 24 of living on anpan.
[07:25] Yamazaki
    I sparking the anpan into the convenience store clerk!
[07:27] Yamazaki
    Day 25 of living on anpan.
[07:28] Yamazaki
    I sparking the anpan into the vice chief!
[07:31] Yamazaki
    Day 28 of living on anpan.
[07:34] Yamazaki
    I wake up and discover that I have no memory of the past few days.
[07:37] Yamazaki
    However, despite all the change I've gone through,
[07:39] Yamazaki
    the girl hasn't made a move yet.
[07:41] Yamazaki
    Like always, she scatters anpan on the road,
SIGN    Anpan
[07:44] Yamazaki
    and puts the anpan above the entrance.
[07:45] Yamazaki
    And then at anpan-night,
[07:47] Yamazaki
    she anpans the anpan and anpans.
[07:49] Yamazaki
    Anpanning the anpan to anpan the anpan and anpanny anpan, anpan, anpan...
SIGN    Day 30 of Living on Anpan
SIGN    ANPAN
[08:05] Yamazaki
    Day 31 of living on anpan.
[08:08] Yamazaki
    When I woke up, I was standing in an unfamiliar place, covered in anko.
[08:13] Yamazaki
    Who gives a damn about the mission or the girl?!
[08:16] Yamazaki
    I refuse to take another bite of anpan!
[08:21] Yamazaki
    I couldn't take it anymore.
[08:23] Yamazaki
    I no longer cared.
[08:24] Yamazaki
    I headed back to the room to pack up and leave.
[08:29] Yamazaki
    But there I found...
[08:32] Sachi
    I didn't realize we were neighbors.
[08:35] Sachi
    You'll ruin your health if you only eat anpan.
[08:37] Sachi
    Here are some leftover meat and potatoes if you don't mind.
[08:40] Sachi
    Thank you for watching over me.
[08:43] Sachi
    From Nonbei.
[08:46] Yamazaki
    The tears wouldn't stop...
[08:49] Yamazaki
    I don't know when she realized I was watching her.
[08:52] Yamazaki
    I don't know how much she actually knew.
[08:55] Yamazaki
    One thing was clear...
[08:57] Yamazaki
    I wasn't worthy of her gratitude.
[09:00] Yamazaki
    Since I was ready to abandon her because of my stupid superstition...
[09:08] Yamazaki
    That day, I turned against the god of stakeouts.
SIGN    Greater Edo Hospital
[09:14] Yamazaki
    Day 3 of meat and potatoes.
[09:16] Yamazaki
    I woke up...
[09:18] Yamazaki
    ...to find myself staring at an unfamiliar ceiling.
[09:21] Yamazaki
    And the vice chief with a disgusted look on his face.
[09:24] Yamazaki
    Vice Chief, where am I?
[09:26] Hijikata
    The hospital.
[09:27] Yamazaki
    Huh?
[09:28] Yamazaki
    What happened to me?
[09:29] Yamazaki
    What about Sachi-san? Her brother?
[09:31] Yamazaki
    What happened to them?
[09:32] Hijikata
    They got away.
[09:34] Yamazaki
    What?
[09:35] Hijikata
    They took the money and ran.
[09:37] Hijikata
    Yamazaki...
[09:39] Hijikata
    We were tricked by the girl.
[09:42] Yamazaki
    The siblings were working together to steal money from the Joi.
[09:46] Yamazaki
    The sister noticed my presence immediately,
[09:49] Yamazaki
    so she spent an entire month acting to fool me.
[09:52] Yamazaki
    And once I fell apart,
[09:55] Yamazaki
    she used the pretense of kindness to poison me.
[09:58] Hijikata
    Women are damn scary.
[10:01] Hijikata
    Hiding under layer after layer of makeup.
[10:04] Hijikata
    Do we ever get a chance to see their real faces?
[10:07] Hijikata
    Well, she still served as the perfect bait.
[10:10] Hijikata
    We rounded up all the ruffians who were trailing her.
[10:14] Hijikata
    That more than makes up for the two who got away.
[10:18] Hijikata
    We were able to freely move around because you were there.
[10:22] Ramen
    Sorry about the wait.
[10:27] Hijikata
    Yamazaki, you did a good job.
[10:31] Yamazaki
    Vice Chief, this isn't like you.
[10:35] Yamazaki
    Are you trying to make me feel better?
[10:38] Yamazaki
    It's not like I'm depressed or anything.
[10:40] Yamazaki
    I'm used to being fooled by women and failing missions.
[10:45] Yamazaki
    But I was hoping that...
[10:48] Yamazaki
    ...I could at least lose on my own terms.
[10:51] Hijikata
    I guess that you aren't in the mood for ramen.
[10:56] Yamazaki
    Can I ask for a favor?
[10:59] Donbei
    It really worked, Sis.
[11:02] Donbei
    We have enough money to fool around for a while.
[11:06] Donbei
    What are you going to spend it on?
[11:07] Sachi
    You're such an idiot.
[11:08] Sachi
    Money isn't meant for fooling around.
[11:10] Sachi
    Money is used to earn more money.
[11:13] Donbei
    Come on...
[11:14] Donbei
    What's wrong, Sis?
[11:15] Sachi
    Well, I had a feeling that someone was watching us...
[11:19] Donbei
    Please...
[11:19] Donbei
    Are your senses shot after spending all that time with that Shinsengumi failure?
[11:25] Yamazaki
    Oh, sorry.
[11:27] Donbei
    Watch where you're going, fool!
[11:29] Donbei
    Are you okay, Sis?
[11:30] Yamazaki
    I'm so sorry.
[11:31] Yamazaki
    I'm in a hurry to get to the festival.
SIGN    Anpan
[11:33] Donbei
    Festival?
[11:33] Donbei
    Where is this festival, eh?
[11:37] Yamazaki
    Right here. The Yamazaki Spring Bread Festival.
[11:48] Yamazaki
    Day 63 of the Yamazaki Bread Festival.
[11:51] Sachi
    Y-You really like anpan, huh...
[11:57] Yamazaki
    I don't.
[11:59] Yamazaki
    And so, I once again munch on anpan.
[12:04] Otae
    Sure.
[12:06] Otae
    I happen to be a fan of baseball.
[12:09] Otae
    I'd be happy to accompany you.
[12:11] Kondo
    I knew it...
[12:13] Kondo
    You don't want to come with me.
[12:14] Otae
    Um, I said that I'd be happy to accompany you.
[12:17] Kondo
    Of course...
[12:18] Kondo
    Happy to accompany me...
[12:21] Kondo
    Happy?
[12:22] Kondo
    Huh? What'd you just say?
[12:23] Otae
    I said that I'd be happy to watch the baseball game with you.
[12:26] Kondo
    Ho... Ho...
[12:28] Kondo
    Home run!
[12:31] Otae
    Um, you destroyed the tickets.
SIGN    We Are All Warriors in the Battle Against Fate
[12:39] Kondo
    A true man isn't measured by high education, high income, or height.
[12:43] Kondo
    The three Hs mean nothing.
[12:45] Kondo
    The only H you need is the H for the hair on your ass.
[12:48] Kondo
    One ass hair and constant persistence is all it takes to penetrate that giant wall.
[12:54] Kondo
    Well, you girly men probably wouldn't understand.
[12:58] Okita
    He's not really girly, he just eats shit.
[13:01] Hijikata
    Shut your trap, you sick bastard.
[13:02] Okita
    This must be a trap.
[13:04] Okita
    As a fellow sadist, I can guess what's in her mind.
[13:07] Kondo
    Shut up!
[13:08] Kondo
    Don't let jealousy cloud your judgment, Benny, 'kay?
[13:10] Okita
    BENNIE K?
[13:11] Okita
    I don't listen to them.
[13:12] Kondo
    The rain dripping from the roof can carve a hole in stone after enough time!
[13:16] Kondo
    My relentless rain of love has finally spread open her tightly shut legs!
[13:22] Hijikata
    Your metaphors are too obscene.
[13:25] Kondo
    Did she say anything else?
[13:28] Kondo
    No.
[13:28] Kondo
    She'll be waiting in front of the station at one on Sunday.
[13:32] Kondo
    And she told me to stop following her around after this.
[13:35] Kondo
    And to never visit her business again.
[13:37] Kondo
    Well, we'll be in a relationship now.
[13:39] Kondo
    So that won't be needed anymore.
[13:41] Okita
    Isn't she telling you to completely forget about her after indulging you one last time?
[13:46] Kondo
    Shut up!  'Kay, Hayashiya?
[13:48] Okita
    His name is Pei Hayashiya.
[13:50] Kondo
    If this is the last time, I won't get another chance!
[13:53] Kondo
    I will make her mine!
[13:55] Kondo
    I'll hit a walk-off home run and lead Otae-san back to the bench!
[14:03] Hijikata
    We're right in the path of the typhoon.
[14:05] Hijikata
    She's not gonna show.
[14:07] Okita
    Guess you're out of luck.
[14:09] Kondo
    It's a little early,
[14:11] Kondo
    but a gentleman is supposed to arrive early and wait for the lady.
[14:15] Hijikata
    Kondo-san...
[14:17] Kondo
    Don't worry.
[14:18] Kondo
    The weather will improve.
[14:20] Kondo
    Whether it's raining cats or dogs or spears,
[14:22] Kondo
    my rain of love will never falter!
[14:27] Okita
    There's something lodged in your arm.
[14:30] Kondo
    Huh?!
[14:31] A
    It's terrible!
[14:32] A
    A cargo plane is on fire!
[14:34] A
    Part of its load is falling towards Edo!
[14:36] Hijikata
    Oh.
[14:36] Hijikata
    Don't worry about it.
[14:37] Hijikata
    It's gonna drop right here.
[14:40] Kondo
    It really is raining spears!
[14:41] Kondo
    How bad is my luck?!
[14:46] Kondo
    I'm like a sponge for bad luck!
[14:49] Kondo
    The tickets!
[14:50] Kondo
    Wait!
[14:53] Driver
    It's not safe to run out into the street!
[14:55] Kondo
    S-Sorry...
[14:57] Kondo
    I'm fine.
[14:58] Driver
    Uh, you're bleeding.
[15:00] Kondo
    I haven't even made it fifty meters,
[15:03] Kondo
    and I've already experienced fifty years worth of bad luck.
[15:05] Kondo
    Damn it, I'm going on this date!
[15:08] Kondo
    First, I need the tickets...
[15:10] Yo
    Check it out.
[15:11] Yo
    Aren't these tickets for the game today?
[15:13] A
    Awesome!
[15:14] A
    We don't have enough to play baseball because of the typhoon.
[15:16] A
    Let's go watch the game!
[15:17] Kondo
    Excuse me, kids.
[15:19] Kondo
    Could you let me see those tickets?
[15:21] Yo
    What do you want, old timer?
[15:22] Yo
    Huh?
[15:23] Yo
    Whoa, you're covered in blood!
[15:25] Kondo
    Actually, I just dropped my tickets.
[15:28] Kondo
    They're probably the ones you're holding.
[15:30] Kondo
    Could you return them?
[15:32] Yo
    What?
[15:33] A
    You got any proof?
[15:34] Kondo
    Okay.
[15:35] Kondo
    Then I'll give you something better in return.
[15:38] Kondo
    Is there anything you want?
[15:40] Yo
    Hm, we have nothing to do because of the typhoon.
[15:43] Yo
    Play baseball with us in the gym!
[15:45] Kondo
    S-Sure thing.
[15:47] Kondo
    I still have time.
[15:49] Kondo
    And it's just a bunch of kids.
[15:55] A
    Kagura's pitches are always so thrilling!
[15:58] Yo
    Old timer!
[15:59] Yo
    The catcher is supposed to catch the ball!
[16:01] Kondo
    R-Right...
[16:03] Kondo
    I-I need to get going soon...
[16:05] A
    What's that?!
[16:06] A
    Don't you want these tickets?
[16:08] Kondo
    Okay!
[16:09] Kondo
    Let me throw the ball next.
[16:11] Kondo
    Anything but battery mates with the China girl.
[16:14] Kondo
    Okay.
[16:15] Kondo
    Here it comes.
[16:16] Yo
    See ya, old timer!
[16:21] Yo
    Let's do this again sometime!
SIGN    Beetle King - Throwaway Matches Kind of serious contest! There will be kind of serious battles now!
[16:23] A
    Let us know which match was obviously thrown!
[16:26] Kondo
    This isn't just bad luck!
[16:29] Kondo
    I'm bruised all over, and it was just a waste of time?!
[16:33] Kondo
    Some invisible, evil force is actively interfering with my love!
[16:36] Kagura
    Oh, you found something nice there.
[16:39] Kagura
    You should go with your brother.
[16:41] Kagura
    Doesn't he like baseball?
[16:42] Sachiko
    I don't know if he'll come.
[16:45] Sachiko
    He hasn't left his room ever since...
[16:47] Kondo
    Wait!
[16:48] Kondo
    Where did you find those tickets, China girl?!
[16:49] Kagura
    I didn't find them.
[16:50] Kagura
    Sachiko-chan did.
[16:51] Kondo
    Sachiko-chan!
[16:52] Kondo
    Those belong to me!
[16:53] Kondo
    I'll be in a lot of trouble without them!
[16:56] Sachiko
    Really?
[16:58] Sachiko
    I thought they were a gift from God.
[17:02] Sachiko
    It's too bad.
[17:03] Sachiko
    Make sure you don't drop them again.
[17:06] Kondo
    Th-Thank you...
[17:07] Kagura
    Are you sure?
[17:08] Kagura
    This could be a chance to get your brother to go outside!
[17:11] Sachiko
    Ah, it's okay.
[17:13] Sachiko
    Anything baseball would be like salt on an old wound.
[17:17] Sachiko
    My brother used to love baseball so much.
[17:21] Sachiko
    He would always play catch with our father by the river.
[17:24] Sachiko
    I loved to watch them.
[17:27] Sachiko
    But one day, my brother threw the ball too high,
[17:32] Sachiko
    and our father went after it.
[17:35] Sachiko
    He hasn't...
[17:37] Sachiko
    ...come home since.
[17:41] Sachiko
    How far did our father go chasing after it?
[17:47] Sachiko
    My brother's been waiting for him to come back with the ball.
[17:52] Kagura
    Sachiko-chan!
[17:55] Kagura
    Are you sure?
[17:57] Kagura
    Are you really sure about this?
[18:00] Brother
    What would you know?!
[18:03] Sachiko
    Brother!
[18:05] Kondo
    Y-Yes...
[18:06] Kondo
    That's right...
[18:08] Kondo
    Stop throwing balls into the past.
[18:11] Kondo
    Baseballs are meant to be thrown forward!
[18:14] Kondo
    I could feel your ball touch my heart!
[18:18] Kondo
    I'm sure your old man felt the same way!
[18:21] Sachiko
    Thank you for helping my brother come outside!
[18:24] Kagura
    Nice job, gorilla!
[18:25] Brother
    I'm going to use my full strength!
[18:27] Kondo
    Huh?
[18:27] Brother
    I want you to feel my true strength!
[18:30] Kondo
    Wait, wait, wait...
[18:31] Brother
    Here I go!
[18:32] Kondo
    Wait a second!
[18:36] Both
    Thank you very much!
[18:38] Kondo
    Why is everyone interfering with my love?
[18:41] Kondo
    It's like the heavens are trying to keep me away from Otae-san!
[18:46] Kondo
    But I refuse to give up!
[18:48] Kondo
    I can still hit a walk-off home run!
[18:50] Brother
    You found our father?!
[18:51] Brother
    Wasn't he dead?
[18:53] Brother
    He's lost his memory?!
[18:54] Brother
    Is there anything you can do?!
[18:56] Brother
    Something to help him remember?
[18:58] Brother
    There isn't anything to...
[19:02] Father
    What is this burning passion in my chest?!
[19:05] Brother
    Father!
[19:06] Brother
    Your memory's back!
[19:08] Father
    Yeah.
[19:09] Father
    I remembered everything by playing catch.
[19:12] Sachiko
    Father!
[19:14] Father
    I don't know who you are, but thank you very much.
[19:17] Father
    Is there any way to thank you?
[19:18] Kondo
    No, it's okay.
[19:20] Kondo
    Anyway, you've finally been reunited.
[19:23] Kondo
    The three of you should go enjoy the game.
[19:27] Sachiko
    Those are...
[19:29] Kondo
    It's okay.
[19:30] Kondo
    Have fun in my place.
[19:32] Brother
    Thank you very much!
[19:34] Brother
    We'll return the favor one day!
[19:36] Kagura
    Are you sure?
[19:37] Kondo
    Yeah, I'm already late.
[19:41] Kondo
    I guess that Otae-san and I aren't meant to be together in this lifetime.
[19:45] Kondo
    Fate has chosen to stand in our way, and there's nothing I can do about it.
[19:51] Kondo
    As I watched the skies clear the moment I relinquished the tickets,
[19:55] Kondo
    that was the conclusion I reached.
[19:58] Kondo
    I wonder if Otae-san is waiting for me.
[20:00] Kondo
    Of course not.
[20:05] Hijikata
    Kondo-san.
[20:06] Kondo
    Toshi?
[20:07] Hijikata
    Sorry it's not your girl.
[20:09] Kondo
    Heh, the girl doesn't matter anymore.
[20:11] Kondo
    I'm devoting myself to the sword.
[20:14] Hijikata
    I see.
[20:15] Hijikata
    Sorry to bother you while you're down,
[20:17] Hijikata
    but we have a problem on our hands.
[20:19] Hijikata
    A meteorite is approaching Edo.
[20:21] Kondo
    Huh?
[20:21] Hijikata
    It's nothing serious.
[20:23] Hijikata
    The meteorite's the size of a baseball.
[20:25] Hijikata
    It's so small that they couldn't detect it until now,
[20:28] Hijikata
    but at this rate, it's going to hit your date spot in 15 minutes.
[20:31] Kondo
    What?!
[20:32] Hijikata
    We'll have to issue an evacuation order.
[20:35] Hijikata
    Well, there probably won't be much damage,
[20:38] Hijikata
    but you better stay away from the dome.
[20:41] Hijikata
    Huh?
[20:42] Hijikata
    Kondo-san?
[20:43] Hijikata
    Kondo-san?!
[20:44] Kondo
    I just know it!
[20:46] Kondo
    The meteorite is headed right for Otae-san!
[20:49] Kondo
    Because I was trying to defy fate and make Otae-san mine,
[20:54] Kondo
    fate is going after Otae-san now!
[21:00] A
    Hey!
[21:01] A
    Here it comes!
[21:02] B
    It's coming this way!
[21:04] Otae
    Huh?
[21:05] Otae
    Is it coming...
[21:07] Otae
    ...for me?
[21:09] Kondo
    No.
[21:11] Kondo
    Kondo will pinch hit for you.
[21:14] Otae
    Kondo-san...
[21:16] Sachiko
    Mister!
[21:17] Sachiko
    We've got you covered!
[21:19] Father
    I'll catch it if you miss!
[21:24] Kondo
    It's over, fate.
[21:26] Kondo
    I'm not interested in going to heaven.
[21:29] Kondo
    I live for love...
[21:32] Kondo
    To protect my loved ones...
[21:35] Kondo
    I live as a samurai!
[21:40] Kondo
    Here's a walk-off home run!
[21:55] Otae
    I'm walking off.
SIGN    Next Episode Meals Should Be Balanced
[23:30] Gin
    Next time:
[23:31] Gin
    It's too confusing when talking about the poster girl for a poster store,
[23:33] Gin
    so call her a sandwich board
[23:34] ---
    

E206 - It's Too Confusing When Talking About the Poster Girl for a Poster Store, So Call Her a Sandwich Board
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:10] Gin
    Okay, attention please?
[00:12] Gin
    Some of you may have already noticed,
[00:15] Gin
    but there's this little dot here.
[00:18] Gin
    Kind of like a secondary
    sex characteristic.
[00:20] Gin
    But it's not pronounced
    Gintama Dash or Dot.
[00:24] Gin
    Due to grown-up circumstances,
[00:26] ---
    there has to be something here.
[00:28] Gin
    Because grown-ups grow hair down there.
[00:30] Gin
    But it's still pronounced Gintama.
[00:32] Gin
    Grown-ups keep their mouths shut
[00:35] ---
    when someone's unshaven.
[00:37] Gin
    So with that lesson learned,
    let's try this again.
SIGN    Snack Otose
[02:14] Otose
    Apparently, she's got herself...
[02:18] Otose
    ...a man.
[02:22] Otose
    I noticed that Catherine was behaving
[02:24] ---
    rather oddly lately.
[02:25] Otose
    That explains why.
[02:27] Gin
    So, did someone lose a bet or something?
[02:30] Otose
    He's a regular here.
[02:32] Otose
    They've been on friendly
    terms for a while.
[02:34] Gin
    No, seriously. This guy must have lost
[02:37] Gin
    This defies logic.
[02:38] Gin
    No man would ever be interested
    in that nasty woman.
[02:40] Gin
    Clearly, she was the result
    of a bad joke by God.
[02:45] Gin
    If he threw together some
    leftover cat and housewife parts
[02:47] ---
    to make a present for his grandchild,
[02:49] Gin
    which was then relegated
[02:51] ---
    to chew toy duty, that would be her.
[02:55] Tama
    But don't you think that
[02:57] ---
    Catherine-san looks prettier these days?
[02:59] Gin
    How?
[03:00] Gin
    You mean how the cat and
    housewife parts fit together?
[03:02] Gin
    That's because God files
    the edges and gives the
[03:04] ---
    putty plenty of time to dry.
[03:05] Tama
    According to my data,
[03:07] ---
    women become more beautiful
[03:08] ---
    when they fall in love.
[03:09] Gin
    What?
[03:10] Gin
    That's just lip service.
[03:13] Tama
    Don't they tend to place their
[03:14] ---
    hand on their cheek and sigh?
[03:16] Gin
    Just stop already.
[03:18] Gin
    Women, old and robot,
    always love this topic.
[03:22] Tama
    My folder of love stories
    is ten yottabytes.
[03:25] Gin
    That's ridiculously huge!
[03:26] Gin
    Listen to me.
[03:28] Gin
    You can putty up a Zaku
    as much as you want.
[03:29] Gin
    It's never going to become a Gundam.
[03:31] Gin
    Fix your data.
[03:33] Tama
    Understood.
[03:34] Tama
    Master Gintoki can never
    be like Hiro Mizushima.
[03:37] Tama
    Gajiro Sato is the best he can manage.
[03:39] Gin
    What's with the cruel gap
    in wavy hair characters?
[03:42] Catherine
    I'm back.
[03:44] Gin
    Look, the Zaku's back.
[03:46] Gin
    Tune her up, mechanic.
[03:48] Catherine
    Sorry I took so long.
[03:51] Catherine
    There was an elderly person
[03:52] ---
    who needed help carrying something.
[03:55] Catherine
    Please deduct it from my wages.
[04:00] Gin
    Z-ZZZ Gundam has returned!
[04:03] Tama
    Didn't I explain this to you?
[04:04] Gin
    Explain what?!
[04:07] Gin
    Her physique is completely different!
[04:09] Gin
    You can't pin this on an
    idiosyncratic animator!
[04:12] Catherine
    Oh, Gintoki-san.
[04:13] Catherine
    Welcome.
[04:15] Catherine
    Enjoy yourself.
[04:16] Gin
    Even her personality has been Newtype'd!
[04:19] Gin
    Why is she so polite now?!
[04:21] Gin
    Love can't change a girl this much!
[04:24] Catherine
    Wait, love...?
[04:26] Catherine
    You all know?
[04:28] Catherine
    Oh, I'm so embarrassed!
[04:30] Catherine
    I'm sorry.
[04:31] Catherine
    I planned to tell you
[04:33] ---
    once everything was settled...
[04:35] Otose
    Everything was settled?
[04:37] Otose
    Catherine, are you...
[04:40] Catherine
    Otose-san, I'm...
SIGN    Snack Otose
[04:44] Catherine
    ...in a relationship with
[04:45] ---
    someone who wants to marry me.
SIGN    It's Too Confusing When Talking About the Poster Girl for a Poster Store, So Call Her a Sandwich Board
[04:56] Shin
    Suejiro Suemoto-san.
[04:58] Shin
    A regular at Otose-san's place.
[05:00] Shin
    That's how he got to know Catherine-san.
[05:02] Shin
    He's an up-and-coming entrepreneur
[05:04] Shin
    with considerable influence.
[05:06] Kagura
    Hmm...
[05:08] Kagura
    There are some real weirdos out there.
SIGN    Sugar Content
[05:11] Shin
    People have always sucked up
[05:13] ---
    to him because of his money,
[05:15] Shin
    so Catherine-san was like
    a breath of fresh air.
SIGN    Catherine-san!
SIGN    Sorry about being late.
SIGN    Please don't worry about it.
SIGN    You should wipe off your sweat first.
SIGN    Oh, thank you. I appreciate it.
SIGN    Ah!
SIGN    (My, Suejiro-san is so bold.)
SIGN    Flower House
SIGN    Oh, dear. My head is spinning.
SIGN    This is so much fun.
SIGN    Ah!
SIGN    Whoa...!
SIGN    Catherine-san...
SIGN    Suejiro-san...
[06:00] Gin
    Wait a second.
[06:02] Gin
    Is this the right show?
[06:05] Gin
    Who wants to see them
    fawn over each other?
[06:08] Shin
    Gin-san, we should be happy for them.
[06:11] Shin
    That would be the grown-up response.
[06:12] Gin
    Hah!
[06:13] Gin
    Grown-up!
[06:14] Gin
    Yeah, yeah.
[06:14] Gin
    So sorry!
[06:16] Shin
    In any case, business is
    booming at Snack Otose.
[06:19] Shin
    It must be the charm of
    a new wife or something,
[06:22] Shin
    since Catherine-san has
    doubled her clientele.
[06:25] Shin
    And Suejiro-san seems
    like a nice person.
[06:27] Shin
    He was a regular customer,
[06:29] Shin
    so he isn't going to tell
    her to stop working.
[06:32] Kagura
    Hmph!
[06:33] Kagura
    Make sure you don't fall
[06:35] ---
    for a woman like her, Sadaharu!
[06:36] Kagura
    You never know when she's gonna
[06:38] ---
    turn back into a chew toy.
SIGN    Sugar Content
[07:31] Shin
    He lost all of his assets
[07:32] ---
    when Lehman Brothers went bankrupt.
[07:35] Shin
    So he was saying that he can
[07:37] ---
    no longer make Catherine-san happy...
[07:38] Kagura
    So he wants to call it off?
[07:40] Kagura
    Just goes to show that he's a man with
[07:42] ---
    no money and no balls.
[07:44] Shin
    But Catherine-san refused.
[07:46] Shin
    She said that she would support him.
[07:49] Kagura
    Huh?
[07:51] Shin
    Suejiro-san has a piece
    of property left that
[07:54] ---
    isn't in the Kabuki district.
[07:55] Shin
    He's going to open a new business there.
[07:58] Shin
    With Catherine-san.
[07:59] Kagura
    So what?
[08:01] Kagura
    That thief who showed up in
[08:02] ---
    episode 12 of this anime,
[08:04] Kagura
    is finally leaving in episode 206?
[08:07] Shin
    Well, it's like she's graduating,
[08:09] ---
    becoming independent.
[08:13] Shin
    Otose-san will be a little lonely,
[08:15] Shin
    but I'm sure that she'll be the first
[08:17] ---
    one to congratulate them.
[08:20] Tama
    Master Gintoki.
[08:21] Tama
    There is an emergency.
[08:23] Tama
    Could you come see Ms.
    Otose immediately?
[08:28] Gin
    Uh, I have a little
    emergency of my own here.
[08:31] Gin
    Could you leave immediately?
[08:33] Tama
    I will take over here.
[08:35] Gin
    Take over what?
SIGN    Keep the bathroom clean!
[08:36] Tama
    Go see Ms. Otose now.
[08:39] Gin
    After walking through the cold,
[08:41] ---
    I'm at terminal velocity,
    or diarrhea city.
[08:44] Tama
    I have retrieved the appropriate data.
[08:45] Tama
    I simply need to continue
    making ice cream, correct?
[08:48] Gin
    Chocolate.
[08:50] Gin
    And make sure it doesn't
    fall off the cone.
[08:53] Gin
    Man...
[08:54] Gin
    What's going on?
[08:56] Shin
    She probably wants to talk about
[08:57] ---
    Catherine-san and Suejiro-san's future?
[09:02] Kagura
    -Gin-chan!
    -Gin-San!
[09:03] Suejiro
    Catherine!
[09:04] Suejiro
    Are you okay?!
[09:06] Suejiro
    What was that for?!
[09:08] Suejiro
    Otose-san!
[09:10] Otose
    If you want to leave, scram.
[09:13] Otose
    I won't object or try to stop you.
[09:17] Otose
    But I can't stand
[09:19] ---
    to watch people like you who dream
[09:22] Otose
    and can't keep their feet on the ground.
[09:26] Suejiro
    You can call me whatever you want!
[09:29] Suejiro
    But are you really saying that
[09:30] ---
    Catherine's hopes are
    just a pipe dream?!
[09:32] Catherine
    Otose-san...
[09:33] Suejiro
    Catherine!
[09:34] Catherine
    I've been saving up money
[09:39] ---
    so I might open my own bar one day...
SIGN    Snack Otose
[09:43] Catherine
    I wanted to create a place
[09:45] ---
    like this one, where
    everyone was all smiles.
[09:50] Catherine
    I wanted to become a
    selfless person like you...
[09:58] Otose
    I see how it is, Suejiro-san.
[10:00] Otose
    I was wondering how you could
[10:02] ---
    afford to open a new business.
[10:03] Otose
    That explains it.
[10:05] Catherine
    Don't say that!
[10:08] Suejiro
    I just want to work together
    for our future...!
[10:11] Otose
    Go ahead and get married,
    be independent.
[10:15] Otose
    You don't need permission from me.
[10:18] Otose
    We're total strangers, after all.
[10:23] Otose
    Or is there more?
[10:24] Otose
    You came here because you wanted to
[10:28] ---
    weasel money out of me and Catherine?
[10:32] Shin
    Otose-san!
[10:33] Shin
    That's crossing the line...
[10:34] Catherine
    Always...
[10:36] Catherine
    I always thought of you as my mother...
[10:42] Catherine
    Fine, you old hag!
[10:44] Catherine
    I don't need your permission!
[10:46] Catherine
    And I'm never coming back to see you!
[10:50] Catherine
    Roll over and die!
[10:52] Otose
    That's nice.
[10:54] Otose
    I feel a lot better knowing that I won't
[10:55] ---
    have to see your face again!
[10:57] Catherine
    Wait up, hag!
[10:58] Catherine
    I'm not finished with you...
[11:00] Otose
    I'll give you that instead of money.
[11:02] Otose
    You can display it in your bar.
[11:04] Otose
    It'll be the perfect place to display
[11:05] ---
    a cheap bottle of alcohol.
[11:06] Catherine
    You old hag!
[11:07] Catherine
    I'll make you eat your words!
[11:09] Catherine
    I'll start up a bar that beats
[11:10] ---
    the crap out of this run-down place!
[11:12] Catherine
    I'll become bigger than you ever will!
[11:16] Catherine
    Goddamn!
[11:17] Suejiro
    Catherine!
[11:18] Suejiro
    Catherine!
[11:18] Shin
    Catherine-san!
[11:19] Kagura
    Hey, you thief!
[11:21] Suejiro
    Catherine!
SIGN    Kabuki District Station
[11:38] Shin
    Write us a letter once
    you're settled down.
[11:40] Shin
    And invite us over
    once your bar is open.
[11:44] Shin
    We'll all come to visit.
[11:46] Tama
    Let me know if anything comes up.
[11:49] Tama
    I will be right there.
[11:51] Catherine
    Thank you very much.
[11:52] Shin
    Sorry that this isn't
    much of a send-off...
[11:55] Shin
    Where did Gin-san run off to this time?
[11:58] Shin
    Hey, Kagura-chan!
[11:59] Shin
    You should say goodbye.
[12:02] Kagura
    Don't come back!
[12:04] Shin
    Come on, Kagura-chan!
[12:06] Kagura
    But if it's too much to take...
[12:09] Kagura
    If you can't put up with the in-laws,
[12:12] Kagura
    you can come back after
    raking him for alimony.
[12:15] Kagura
    You'll be more than welcome then.
[12:22] Catherine
    Really, thank you for everything.
[12:26] Catherine
    Please take care...
[12:30] Shin
    Catherine-san, uh...
    About Otose-san...
[12:32] N
    The train on Platform 2
    will be departing momentarily.
[12:35] Catherine
    I'll be going then.
[12:37] Catherine
    Suejiro-san is waiting for me.
[12:40] Shin
    Please wait, Catherine-san!
[12:43] Catherine
    Please take care of...
[12:47] Catherine
    ...Otose-san for me.
SIGN    Snack Otose
[12:55] Otose
    Didn't you read the sign?
[12:57] Otose
    We're closed today.
[12:59] Gin
    Really?
[13:00] Gin
    Guess you don't have a choice
[13:02] ---
    without your poster girl around.
[13:04] Gin
    Don't worry.
[13:06] Gin
    I'm not here for a drink.
[13:08] Gin
    I'm here to do the pouring.
[13:20] Otose
    I never knew.
[13:24] Otose
    When I first met her,
[13:26] ---
    she was just a dirty thief.
[13:28] Otose
    I felt so bad for her
[13:31] Otose
    that I let her stay at my bar.
[13:33] Otose
    But she kept wandering off.
[13:38] Otose
    Couldn't really blame her
[13:40] ---
    since she was a stray at heart,
[13:43] Otose
    but lately, she's settled down
[13:46] ---
    and been working hard.
[13:50] Otose
    I never knew she actually
    had a plan for her future...
[13:54] Gin
    You didn't like the guy?
[13:56] Otose
    I should be grateful
[13:57] ---
    that anyone was willing to take her.
[14:01] Otose
    I understand that she
    can't exactly be choosy.
[14:04] Otose
    Still, as a parent...
[14:07] Otose
    Your daughter can bring
    home the perfect man
[14:10] Otose
    and you'll still be able
    to find something wrong.
[14:13] Otose
    I can't just smile and send her off,
[14:16] Otose
    when I know she's going to suffer.
[14:19] Otose
    That was the best I could manage.
[14:24] Otose
    I feel bad.
[14:26] Otose
    So this is how it ends.
[14:30] Gin
    If you feel bad, don't
    talk like it's over.
[14:36] Gin
    Once she's opened a bar
    that's as good as this one,
[14:40] Gin
    you should go have a drink.
[14:49] Otose
    Catherine, find your happiness.
[14:58] N
    The last train is departing.
[15:04] N
    Today's service has concluded.
[15:08] N
    Please exit the station
    in a swift manner.
[15:34] Man
    Suemoto?
[15:35] Man
    Nope, never heard of him.
[15:37] Man
    I don't think there's anybody
    by that name in this area.
[15:40] Man
    A bar?
[15:41] Man
    No, no.
[15:43] Man
    They're going to open a drugstore here.
SIGN    Greater Edo Bank
SIGN    Please wait.
SIGN    Your balance is 0 yen. Would you like a receipt?
[16:06] Machine
    Please remove your card.
[16:22] Man
    Are you new here?
[16:24] Man
    I don't know what you've been through,
[16:26] ---
    but it's a harsh world out there.
[16:29] Man
    If you need anything, let me know.
[16:32] Man
    They call me the lord of this park.
[16:35] Man
    I'll do anything for a little alcohol...
SIGN    Bacchus
[16:40] Man
    W-Wait!
[16:41] Man
    Wh-Where did you get this stuff?!
[16:44] Catherine
    Don't touch that!
[16:46] Man
    L-Lady, that's incredible stuff!
[16:48] Man
    Bacchus wine from Planet Bacchus,
[16:51] ---
    only made once every hundred years!
[16:57] Man
    Legendary stuff that
[16:58] ---
    will net hundreds from any collector!
[17:00] Man
    H-How did you get your hands on this?!
[17:06] Otose
    You can display it in your bar.
[17:08] Otose
    The perfect place to display
    a cheap bottle of alcohol.
[17:13] Catherine
    Otose-san...
[17:16] Catherine
    You were giving me a push in the back...
[17:20] Catherine
    I'm so sorry, Otose-san...
[17:25] Catherine
    I have no place to display
    this wonderful bottle...
[17:30] Man
    Wait, I didn't drink any!
[17:31] Man
    I didn't even take a sip!
[17:33] Man
    I just touched the bottle!
[17:34] Man
    I'm sorry! Really sorry!
[17:37] Man
    Sorry! I'm sorry!
[17:39] Man
    Okay?
[17:44] Madao
    So yeah.
[17:47] Madao
    She wouldn't tell me
[17:48] ---
    what happened when I asked.
[17:51] Madao
    She kept saying that she
[17:52] ---
    couldn't go back because she promised.
[17:55] Madao
    I guess she got sick
    of me asking questions,
[17:58] Madao
    since she just ran off.
[18:01] Madao
    Do you know anything, Gin-san?
[18:04] Gin
    Hasegawa-san...
[18:06] Gin
    Were your parents happy
    when you got married?
[18:10] Madao
    Where did that come from?
[18:13] Madao
    I married into money.
[18:15] Madao
    So my whole family was thrilled.
[18:18] Gin
    I see...
[18:21] Gin
    That's what matters in the end.
[18:25] Madao
    Hey, it's starting, Gin-san!
[18:28] Madao
    Whoa, wait!
[18:29] Madao
    Wh-What?!
[18:30] Madao
    Man, that's nasty!
[18:32] Madao
    Gin-san!
[18:34] Madao
    Look at that!
[18:35] Madao
    What?
[18:38] Madao
    Huh?
SIGN    Easy Financing Evil Loans
[18:41] Loan
    You actually got the money.
[18:43] Loan
    I knew you could do it.
[18:45] Loan
    You just have to trick a few women
[18:47] ---
    and you can pay back
    your loan in no time.
SIGN    Evil 4 Lyfe
[18:49] Loan
    What was your opinion of this target,
[18:51] ---
    as a former gigolo.
[18:53] Suejiro
    Quite frankly, she was so easy
[18:54] ---
    that I was bored to death.
[18:56] Suejiro
    I just used her dream of opening a bar,
[18:59] Suejiro
    and she completely fell for it.
[19:01] Suejiro
    Stupid woman.
[19:03] Suejiro
    Why would I waste my
    time on that old lady?
[19:06] Suejiro
    I could barely stand
    walking next to her.
[19:09] Loan
    I don't know how you
    came up with the idea
[19:11] Loan
    of pretending to go broke
    after you were a couple.
[19:14] Suejiro
    Most women will do anything for money.
[19:17] Suejiro
    But there are a few exceptions
[19:19] Suejiro
    who have a weakness for the penniless.
[19:23] Loan
    You're starting to look
    pretty evil yourself.
[19:26] Loan
    At this rate, you'll pay
    off the rest in no...
[19:29] Loan
    Wh-What's that?!
[19:33] Man
    B-Bro!
[19:34] Man
    We're under attack!
[19:36] Loan
    Wh-What?!
[19:37] Loan
    Which gang is it?!
[19:38] Man
    It's not a gang!
[19:39] Man
    There's only one...
SIGN    Evil 4 Lyfe
[19:44] Suejiro
    You're the man who was at Otose's bar!
[19:48] Gin
    Don't worry.
[19:50] Gin
    You guys aren't evil.
[19:53] Gin
    You just stole money from a woman
[19:55] ---
    who was saving up for her dream...
[19:58] Gin
    You fooled her into thinking you
[20:00] ---
    wanted to marry her so you
    could take her money...
[20:04] Gin
    That doesn't make you evil.
[20:08] Gin
    I'll show you what true evil looks like.
[20:25] Otose
    Do you have a moment?
[20:28] Otose
    I feel like having a drink.
[20:31] Otose
    Are you open?
[20:33] Otose
    That's a relief.
[20:35] Otose
    I didn't think anyone
[20:37] ---
    would be open with the snow and all.
[20:40] Otose
    Just give me one shot
    of your cheapest booze.
[20:57] Otose
    This is a nice place.
[20:59] Otose
    You can watch the moon, watch the snow,
[21:01] ---
    and have a drink.
[21:05] Otose
    But I have one complaint.
[21:10] Otose
    Nobody cries while pouring a drink.
[21:16] Otose
    You have to have a smile
    on your face at all times.
[21:22] Otose
    Even if the customer is crying.
[21:26] Otose
    You still have much to learn, Catherine.
[21:38] Gin
    Well, let's go have a drink.
[21:41] Shin
    Gin-san.
[21:42] Gin
    I brought a little present...
[21:44] Gin
    The drinks...
[21:47] Gin
    ...are on me.
SIGN    Catherine Greater Edo Bank
SIGN    Next Episode
[23:24] Sa
    It's like a dream come true!
[23:26] Sa
    I'll pretend like these
    glasses are Gin-san
[23:27] ---
    and never let them go!
[23:29] Sa
    Next time:
SIGN    Glasses Are Part of the Soul
[23:30] Sa
    Glasses are part of the soul!

E207 - Glasses are part of the soul
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[01:34] Gin
    The hell?
[01:35] Gin
    It won't make a sound?
[01:37] Shin
    What's wrong, Gin-san?
SIGN    Sugar Content
[01:38] Gin
    The damn TV just closed its eyes
    with a dark look on its face.
[01:42] Kagura
    Maybe it has something on its mind?
[01:44] Kagura
    It hasn't adjusted to
    the digital transition?
[01:46] Shin
    It's probably time to buy a new one.
[01:49] Shin
    Huh?
[01:50] Shin
    Is this how the TV always looked?
[01:52] Gin
    Huh?
[01:53] Gin
    Now that you mention it...
[01:55] Kagura
    Some guy from Edobashi Camera
    brought it over the other day.
[01:58] Kagura
    Maybe it's from one of our clients?
[02:02] Gin
    I don't remember taking any
[02:03] ---
    jobs that involved
    defective merchandise.
[02:04] Sa
    Click.
[02:06] Shin
    Oh, it turned on.
[02:07] Shin
    Gin-san, the TV's fixed.
[02:11] Gin
    There's someone familiar on the screen.
[02:14] Gin
    A face I didn't want to see
    is sticking out of the TV.
[02:16] Sa
    This is a 3D TV.
[02:19] Gin
    Whoa, 3D? That's amazing.
[02:21] Gin
    How do I turn it off?
[02:24] Sa
    Press your lips against the button here.
[02:27] Gin
    I see.
[02:28] Gin
    Sadaharu, turn the TV off.
[02:30] Gin
    And turn her off while you're at it.
[02:33] Gin
    Bulk trash.
[02:34] Sa
    Wait!
[02:36] Sa
    Wait a moment!
[02:40] Shin
    Huh?
[02:44] Shin
    Is something wrong?
[02:46] Sa
    N-No, it's nothing.
[02:48] Sa
    Just that my glasses broke.
[02:50] Kagura
    Were they important to you?
[02:52] Sa
    Huh?
[02:53] Sa
    Y-Yes...
[02:54] Sa
    Oh, I'm sorry.
[02:56] Sa
    It's not a big deal.
[02:57] Sa
    They were cheap.
[02:58] Sa
    Don't worry about it.
[02:59] Sa
    It's just that they were
    from my late grandmother...
[03:01] Shin
    Huh?
[03:02] Shin
    But...
[03:03] Shin
    You should probably buy a new pair.
[03:06] Sa
    Yes?
[03:07] Sa
    Oh, I'm sorry.
[03:08] Sa
    They're all I have to remember
    her by, but I'm fine,
[03:10] ---
    so don't worry about it.
[03:11] Kagura
    But you're crying.
[03:13] Sa
    I-I'm not!
[03:15] Sa
    It's just that a piece
    of lens got in my eye.
[03:16] Shin
    Wait, what?!
[03:17] Kagura
    Hmm, it looks okay, but
    your eyes are totally red.
[03:20] Kagura
    You should go to the hospital.
[03:22] Shin
    Want me to take you there?
[03:24] Sa
    It's okay!
[03:25] Sa
    Don't worry about it!
[03:26] Kagura
    Just ignore those guys.
[03:28] Kagura
    I'll take you to the hospital.
[03:29] Kagura
    Let's go, Sa-chan.
[03:30] Gin
    Wait!
[03:32] Gin
    Something's wrong with this situation!
[03:33] Gin
    Why is it all awkward
    like I accidentally hit
[03:35] ---
    a girl in the face while
    playing dodgeball?!
[03:38] Gin
    It was clearly her fault!
[03:40] Gin
    She basically moved her face
[03:42] ---
    into the ball and broke her glasses!
[03:45] Sa
    I'm sorry, Gin-san.
[03:47] Sa
    It's been so long since
[03:48] ---
    my last appearance that I overdid it.
[03:51] Sa
    I'm sorry!
[03:52] Sa
    I'll be leaving then!
[03:53] Shin
    Ah! Sa-chan-san!
[03:56] Gin
    Wh-Why are you looking at me?
[03:57] Gin
    What are you trying to say?
[03:59] Gin
    Even you, Sadaharu?!
SIGN    Glasses Are Part of the Soul
SIGN    Glasses for Edogawa
[04:09] Sa
    They're all so lovely!
[04:11] Sa
    Which one should I pick?
[04:12] Sa
    It's like a dream come true!
[04:14] Sa
    Gin-san buying a pair
    of glasses for me...
SIGN    Both Nearsighted and Farsighted
[04:17] Sa
    Thank you for breaking, Grandma.
[04:20] Sa
    I won't let your death be for nothing!
[04:22] Sa
    Which should I pick?
[04:24] Sa
    Maybe I should ask
    Gin-san to pick for me?!
[04:27] Gin
    How about one of the pairs
    in that clearance bin?
[04:31] Sa
    I can't see a thing.
[04:33] Sa
    But if this is what you like,
[04:34] ---
    I'll go with these.
[04:36] Sa
    Do they fit?
[04:37] Sa
    How do I look?
[04:38] Gin
    Cute, very cute.
SIGN    Super Cheap
[04:39] Gin
    They look perfect.
[04:40] Gin
    Like you were born wearing those.
[04:44] Man
    Mister, Mister.
[04:46] Man
    Are you searching for
    engagement glasses?
[04:49] Gin
    What the hell are engagement glasses?
[04:50] Gin
    I've never heard of those!
[04:52] Gin
    And wait,
[04:53] Gin
    haven't we met before?
[04:55] Man
    Young lady, I see that
    you have excellent taste.
[04:59] Man
    There's a story behind those glasses.
[05:01] Man
    The lens used in the famous
    Battle of Red Cliffs
[05:04] ---
    by the Wu to set fire
    to Cao Cao's forces
[05:07] Man
    were made by a man whose glasses lenses
[05:08] ---
    were made by a man whose glasses lenses
[05:10] Man
    were made by a man whose glasses
    lenses were seen by a man
[05:11] ---
    who wore this particular
    pair of glasses.
[05:12] Gin
    That doesn't mean a damn thing!
[05:15] Gin
    We'll take these, Gramps.
[05:17] Gin
    Since they're used,
    give us a 99% discount.
[05:20] Man
    Huh? Wait a moment.
[05:21] Man
    There's a story behind those glasses.
[05:23] Man
    The lens used in the famous Trojan
    Horse during the Trojan War...
[05:28] Sa
    Um... Thank you, Gin-san.
[05:31] Sa
    I don't know how to show
[05:32] ---
    my gratitude for these
    wonderful glasses.
[05:35] Sa
    I've never received such a
    wonderful and stinky present.
[05:37] Gin
    Glad to hear it.
[05:39] Gin
    Why don't you walk her home, "Gin-san"?
[05:42] Gin
    I'll ask Gengai to fix
    your Grandma's glasses,
[05:46] Gin
    so just use those for the time being.
[05:47] Sa
    No, it's okay.
[05:49] Gin
    Huh?
[05:50] Sa
    Grandma would yell at me
    for clinging to the past.
[05:55] Sa
    Goodbye...
[05:57] Sa
    Grandma's glasses which
    were stepped on by Dad
[05:59] ---
    who was stepped on by Mom
[06:00] Sa
    who stepped on the poop
    of a dog whose owner
[06:02] ---
    had a daughter that owned the
    store which sold these glasses.
[06:04] Gin
    What?!
[06:04] Gin
    That doesn't mean a damn thing?!
[06:07] Sa
    I'll think of these glasses
    as you and never let them go!
[06:10] Sa
    I'll treasure them forever!
[06:15] Gin
    Oh well.
[06:24] Sa
    Open wide!
SIGN    Love Garden
[06:54] Gin
    Put on the damn glasses!
[06:56] Gin
    The hell are you doing
    with those glasses?!
[06:58] Gin
    Why are you going on a date and going
    all the way with a pair of glasses?!
[07:01] Sa
    Gin-san, are you jealous of Glassin-san?
[07:04] Gin
    Who the hell is Glassin-san?!
[07:05] Sa
    You've got it wrong, Gin-san.
[07:07] Sa
    I was planning on putting
    on Glassin-san right away.
[07:10] Sa
    But when I thought of them as you,
[07:12] ---
    I got all nervous...
[07:14] Sa
    But I'm finally ready now, so...
[07:17] Sa
    I'm going to p-put...
SIGN    Love Garden
[07:19] Sa
    No, I can't say it!
[07:20] Sa
    It's too embarrassing!
[07:21] Gin
    Why are you making the act of
[07:23] ---
    putting on glasses sound so dirty?!
[07:25] Sa
    But they're like another you!
[07:26] Sa
    If I put them on, it's like, you know?
[07:29] Sa
    The two of us become one!
[07:31] Gin
    How can you turn the act of putting
[07:32] ---
    on glasses into such a big deal?
[07:34] Gin
    And those are like another random
[07:35] ---
    old guy who owns the glasses store.
[07:37] Gin
    Here you go.
[07:39] Gin
    I got your glasses fixed.
[07:41] Gin
    Just throw away that filthy pair.
[07:44] Gin
    Now listen to me.
[07:45] Gin
    If you don't want your
    glasses broken again,
[07:47] Gin
    never sneak into our house again.
[07:50] Sa
    I refuse.
[07:52] Sa
    How can you come slinking back
[07:54] ---
    and acting like you're my boyfriend?
[07:56] Sa
    Now, I...
[07:57] Sa
    I...
[08:00] Sa
    I'm devoted to Glassin-san!
[08:01] Sa
    I want Glassin-san!
[08:03] Sa
    It has to be Glassin-san!
[08:05] Sa
    I can't even imagine wearing
    another pair of glasses.
[08:07] Sa
    Don't treat me like one of those
[08:09] ---
    loose-eared sluts that
    constantly switches glasses!
[08:11] Gin
    The hell is a loose-eared slut?
[08:13] Gin
    I got these fixed because
    you kept complaining.
[08:16] Gin
    Besides, those glasses
    aren't your prescription,
[08:19] ---
    so you can't see a thing, right?
[08:20] Gin
    That's dangerous.
[08:21] Sa
    Leave Glassin-san and me alone!
[08:24] Sa
    It's too...
[08:25] Sa
    It's too late to try
    to be nice to me now!
[08:26] Gin
    What's up with this conversation?
[08:28] Gin
    Why does it sound like a love triangle?!
[08:30] Sa
    Never show your face around
    Glassin-san and me again!
[08:33] Sa
    Farewell, former glasses!
[08:35] Sa
    Farewell, former lover!
[08:41] Shin
    I'll buy you a drink.
[08:43] Gin
    What's going on?
[08:44] Gin
    Why do I feel like I was just dumped?
[08:46] Gin
    Hey! Is this country full of idiots?!
SIGN    Dango House
[08:51] Sa
    The target?
[08:52] Man
    A government official,
    Zenkichiro Yoneda.
[08:54] Man
    Preparations have been made by
[08:56] ---
    previously dispatched agents.
[08:58] Man
    Your mission is to rendezvous
[08:59] ---
    with the agents and take out the target.
[09:01] Man
    Will you return to the path of evil
[09:03] ---
    for the sake of saving
    the weak masses, Sa-chan?
[09:08] Sa
    Sometimes, evil can only
    be eradicated by evil.
[09:12] Sa
    I'm willing to get my hands
    bloody to save others...
[09:17] Man
    Sa-chan, those aren't dango.
[09:22] Yoneda
    Echimoya, you're so bad!
[09:24] Echimoya
    Please, I pale in comparison to you.
[09:27] Yoneda
    Come closer.
[09:28] Yoneda
    I have a question to ask
    you before we begin.
[09:34] Yoneda
    Who is she?
[09:36] Echimoya
    Intruders!
[09:39] Men
    Damn intruders!
[09:41] Men
    Cut 'em all down!
[09:42] Sa
    I'll act as a decoy.
[09:45] Sa
    While I draw their attention,
    you all should escape.
[09:48] A
    But Sa-chan...
[09:50] Sa
    Don't you understand?
[09:51] Sa
    I can't unleash my
    strength with you around!
[09:55] B
    Sa-chan...
[09:57] Sa
    Now hurry!
[09:58] Sa
    Escape!
[10:01] Zenzo
    Sarutobi, I'll make this easy.
[10:03] Zenzo
    Switch glasses.
[10:04] Zenzo
    I heard that you're not getting
    any assassination work.
[10:07] Zenzo
    Only makes sense after all the mistakes,
[10:09] ---
    and you even injured your own men.
[10:12] Zenzo
    There are rumors that you're in a slump,
[10:16] Zenzo
    but you can't fool me.
[10:18] Zenzo
    You can't see a thing, can you?
[10:21] Sa
    Th-That's not true.
[10:23] Zenzo
    Can you see what I'm doing right now?
[10:27] Sa
    What?
[10:28] ---
    You're just talking to me.
[10:29] Zenzo
    No.
[10:31] Zenzo
    I'm applying Preparation
    H in front of your face...
[10:36] Zenzo
    I-Impressive...
[10:38] Zenzo
    You're using your mastery of your other
[10:40] ---
    senses to compensate for
    the lack of eyesight.
[10:41] Zenzo
    However, a ninja lives
    and dies by the eyes.
[10:45] Zenzo
    You were able to become a member of
[10:47] ---
    the Oniwaban despite your poor eyesight
[10:49] Zenzo
    because of natural talent and hard work,
[10:51] Zenzo
    but those custom-made Iga
    glasses also played a role...
[10:55] Zenzo
    Why are you wearing those glasses?
[10:57] Zenzo
    You should know very well that
    this world isn't a playground.
[11:05] Sa
    It's none of your business.
[11:08] Sa
    If I decide to wear these glasses...
[11:10] Sa
    If I can't find any work...
[11:13] Zenzo
    If only it were that simple.
[11:16] Zenzo
    The way things stand, you're
    gonna get yourself killed.
[11:19] Zenzo
    The former head assassins
    are acting suspiciously.
[11:24] A
    Does Sarutobi intend to desert?
[11:29] B
    She may intend to defect
    to a different group
[11:32] ---
    and provide them with information on us.
[11:35] C
    Even if she doesn't,
[11:36] ---
    she could still create headaches
[11:38] ---
    by getting herself captured
    and leaking information.
[11:44] D
    We have no choice but to take her out.
[11:47] Zenzo
    Once you've lost their trust,
    they'll come for you.
[11:54] Zenzo
    The Assassins of Assassins Squad!
[11:58] Zenzo
    The Lethal Punishers!
[12:00] Sa
    P-Punishment?!
[12:02] Sa
    Does it involve whips and candles
    and things of that nature?!
[12:06] Zenzo
    Why are you getting excited?
[12:09] Zenzo
    These assassins are trained
    to kill assassins.
[12:13] Zenzo
    Do you stand a chance
    with those glasses on?
[12:17] Zenzo
    I don't care what happens to you,
[12:19] Zenzo
    but if you die a dog's death,
[12:22] Zenzo
    it'll make the rest of the
    former Oniwabanshu look bad.
[12:26] Zenzo
    Try to avoid that.
[12:32] Sa
    These were the first...
[12:34] Sa
    The first present from Gin-san...
[12:37] Sa
    But I'm not allowed to wear them.
[13:04] A
    I believe that you are
    Lady Ayame Sarutobi.
[13:07] A
    Is that correct?
[13:12] Sa
    I see that nobody ever
    taught you any manners.
[13:15] Sa
    A gentleman would
[13:17] ---
    never interrupt a girl who's crying.
[13:20] A
    My policy is to
[13:22] ---
    gently wipe away the
    tears when a woman cries.
[13:27] Sa
    I see.
[13:28] Sa
    How kind of you.
[13:30] Sa
    So what do you do...
[13:32] Sa
    ...when the woman happens to be
    your target for assassination?!
[13:44] A
    I'll wipe away your tears.
[13:46] A
    And I'll wipe away your blood, as well.
[13:52] B
    Ayame Sarutobi the assassin.
[13:55] C
    Our superiors have
    determined that you are
[13:57] ---
    no longer necessary.
[13:59] All
    Thus, we Lethal Punishers
[14:01] ---
    have been charged with your disposal.
[14:07] A
    If you have any last words,
    we'll hear you out.
[14:12] A
    Do you have anything to say?
[14:17] Sa
    Say...
[14:20] Sa
    Would you let me put on my glasses?
SIGN    Greater Edo Hospital
[14:29] Zenzo
    Fool...
[14:30] Zenzo
    I told you not to die a dog's death.
[14:34] Shin
    Why did this happen to Sa-chan-san?
[14:37] Zenzo
    Look at these.
[14:39] Zenzo
    She kept wearing these glasses
[14:40] ---
    when they weren't the
    right prescription.
[14:43] Zenzo
    As a result, she kept
    screwing up on the job
[14:45] ---
    and attracted the attention
    of the higher-ups.
[14:47] Zenzo
    When I found her on the verge of death,
[14:50] Zenzo
    she was still holding those glasses.
[14:54] Zenzo
    I don't care how happy they made her.
[14:56] Zenzo
    She's a fool.
[15:00] Zenzo
    Can you dispose of those?
SIGN    Greater Edo Hospital
[15:03] Zenzo
    They'll find this place very soon.
[15:05] Zenzo
    She won't stand a chance
    if those are still around.
[15:09] Zenzo
    Well, if she still
    refuses to put these on,
[15:12] Zenzo
    that's the end of that.
[15:15] Kagura
    Hey, hemorrhoid ninja!
[15:17] Kagura
    You're going to leave
    Sa-chan all alone here?!
[15:21] Zenzo
    Sorry, but ninja don't band
    together the way samurai do.
[15:26] Zenzo
    If you don't want to die,
    stay away from her.
[15:30] Zenzo
    I'm sure that's what she wants.
[15:35] Sa
    I'm...
[15:38] Sa
    I'm sorry...
[15:42] Sa
    They were a present from Gin-san.
[15:46] Sa
    I promised to treasure them.
[15:53] Sa
    I'm sorry I broke my promise.
[16:04] Kagura
    Sa-chan...
[16:13] Gin
    You don't need to see a thing right now.
[16:16] Gin
    Don't need to see a thing.
[16:19] Gin
    When you wake up,
[16:21] Gin
    there won't be any
    cracks in your vision.
[16:24] Shin
    Gin-san...
[16:25] Gin
    Can't help it.
[16:27] Gin
    I'm the one who broke her glasses.
[16:32] Gin
    The Assassins of Assassins
    of Assassins Squad!
[16:35] Gin
    Lethal Odd Jobs is moving out!
[17:23] Zenzo
    The hell are you doing in my house?!
[17:26] Zenzo
    Why are you sneaking
    into my house in the
[17:28] ---
    middle of night to make fried
    rice all dramatic-like?!
[17:30] Zenzo
    And turn off the damn music!
[17:32] Zenzo
    It's bothering the neighbors!
[17:34] Zenzo
    What is this?
[17:35] Zenzo
    Seriously, why are you here?
[17:37] Gin
    Well, people usually get
    hungry around this time.
[17:40] Gin
    So we were making a little snack.
[17:42] Zenzo
    Wait up. This is my house.
[17:44] Zenzo
    Those are my eggs, my ham.
[17:45] Zenzo
    My fried rice!
[17:47] Kagura
    Don't worry!
[17:48] Kagura
    We made enough for you!
[17:50] Zenzo
    That's not the issue here!
[17:52] Zenzo
    I'm asking why you're in my house!
[17:54] Zenzo
    Don't tell me you actually
    came here to make fried ri--
[17:55] Gin
    Oh, Sadaharu's here.
[17:57] Gin
    Over there.
[17:58] Gin
    Just set her down there.
[17:59] Zenzo
    Uh, wait. Er, what?
[18:01] Zenzo
    Why did you bring Sarutobi here?
[18:02] Shin
    Well, we're going to
    take on the assassins,
[18:05] Shin
    but we don't want to
    fight in a hospital.
[18:07] Shin
    So we were trying to find a good place.
[18:10] Zenzo
    Oh, I see.
[18:11] Zenzo
    I'm rich and own a big house.
[18:13] Zenzo
    Plus I'm single so
    nobody else is around,
[18:14] Zenzo
    so nobody else will be inconvenienced.
[18:16] Zenzo
    That's the logic you used.
[18:17] Zenzo
    What kind of logic is that?!
[18:18] Gin
    Now, now, now.
[18:19] Gin
    We're just borrowing your place.
[18:20] Gin
    It won't take long.
[18:21] Gin
    We're just gonna kill
    four or five assassins.
[18:23] Zenzo
    You're going to turn my
    house into a murder scene?!
[18:25] Zenzo
    Hey, why are you eating?!
    Get out of here!
[18:27] Zenzo
    I don't want blood and
    innards all over my room!
[18:30] Zenzo
    I'm actually a clean freak!
[18:32] Kagura
    That's why you're still single.
[18:36] Kagura
    Women can't stand men who are perfect.
[18:38] Kagura
    The ideal would be a man
    whose room is a little messy.
[18:42] Zenzo
    Hey! That's way too big of a mess!
[18:44] Shin
    What should we do, Gin-san?
[18:45] Shin
    Now that the trap is
    set, where do we wait?
[18:48] Zenzo
    Wait!
[18:49] Zenzo
    What are you doing?! Seriously, stop!
[18:50] Gin
    How about the ceiling?
[18:52] Zenzo
    Hey!
[18:52] Zenzo
    I'm seriously gonna kill you!
[18:53] Zenzo
    I'll assassinate your ass
    before the assassins get here!
[18:56] Kagura
    I'll wait here.
[18:57] Zenzo
    Wait! I got it!
[18:58] Zenzo
    I got it so stop!
[19:00] Zenzo
    I'll help!
[19:00] Zenzo
    I'll give you a hand!
[19:01] Zenzo
    So stop destroying my house!
[19:11] Zenzo
    Uh, do you read me?
[19:13] Zenzo
    Hattori here.
[19:14] Zenzo
    I'm right above Sarutobi.
[19:16] Zenzo
    Is everybody in position?
[19:19] Gin
    No problem. Everything's fine.
[19:20] Shin
    It's really hot.
[19:23] Kagura
    Are you sure about this?
[19:26] Zenzo
    It's not perfect, but
    I did what I could.
[19:29] Zenzo
    We're up against professional killers.
[19:31] Zenzo
    They know that Sarutobi and
    the rest of you are here.
[19:33] Zenzo
    They'll be extremely cautious,
[19:35] Zenzo
    so we can use that to our advantage.
SIGN    Sadaharu Sarutobi Zenzo Kagura /  /\ Gintoki Shinpachi
[19:39] Zenzo
    I left the entrance to the room where
    Sarutobi is completely unguarded.
SIGN    Enemy  Enemy  Enemy
[19:41] Zenzo
    So they won't come from that direction.
[19:43] Zenzo
    It's clearly a trap.
[19:45] Zenzo
    They'll circle around.
[19:48] Zenzo
    If anything goes wrong,
    let us know immediately.
[19:50] Zenzo
    Be ready to react if they
    come through the front.
[19:54] Zenzo
    Don't let your guard down.
[19:55] Zenzo
    And don't destroy my house.
[19:58] Zenzo
    Got it?
[19:59] Shin
    Roger.
[20:00] Gin
    Yeah.
[20:04] Zenzo
    Damn, why do I have to do this?
[20:07] Zenzo
    Huh?
[20:08] Zenzo
    Wait a second.
[20:09] Zenzo
    Was someone asleep?
[20:10] Zenzo
    Someone sounded asleep!
[20:12] Zenzo
    I'm calling roll again.
[20:14] Shin
    Roger.
[20:20] Gin
    Oh, shit.
[20:22] Zenzo
    Hey!
[20:23] Zenzo
    Somebody ran off to Don Quijote!
[20:25] Zenzo
    Don't give me that crap!
[20:26] Zenzo
    I'm trying to help here!
[20:28] Zenzo
    Get your ass back here,
    whoever went to Don Quijote!
[20:30] Shin
    Roger.
[20:33] Gin
    Hey, Shinpachi.
[20:34] Gin
    Help me put Kagura on Sadaharu's back.
[20:37] Zenzo
    You all went to Don Quijote!
[20:39] Zenzo
    Wait a second!
[20:39] Zenzo
    One of you is asleep in Don Quijote?!
[20:43] Zenzo
    The hell is going on?!
    Why did they all ditch me?!
[20:45] Zenzo
    They could have invited me along!
[20:47] Zenzo
    Not that I wanted to go!
[20:48] Zenzo
    Oh, right.
[20:49] Zenzo
    Could you buy some Preparation H?
[20:52] Zenzo
    I'm out. The suppository type.
[20:56] Zenzo
    Hello?
[20:57] Zenzo
    Do you read me?
[21:02] Zenzo
    Stop lying!
[21:03] Zenzo
    Don't pretend to be asleep!
[21:05] Zenzo
    Even the dog was
    pretending to be asleep!
[21:08] Zenzo
    The bastards are toying with me.
[21:10] Zenzo
    I'm pissed!
[21:11] Zenzo
    Screw this!
[21:11] Zenzo
    I've had enough!
[21:14] Zenzo
    This sensation...
[21:15] Zenzo
    Someone's here.
[21:18] Zenzo
    Two on the roof.
[21:20] Zenzo
    Two inside.
[21:23] Zenzo
    And in the yard...
[21:26] A
    I can smell multiple humans.
[21:31] A
    As expected.
[21:33] A
    But it doesn't matter
    how many there are.
[21:36] A
    This time, we'll finish her off.
[21:39] A
    Along with the others.
[21:42] Zenzo
    Th-They're here...
[21:45] Gin
    Excuse me, do you have
    any Preparation H?
[21:48] Zenzo
    The hell are they doing?!
[21:54] Zenzo
    Hurry!
[21:55] Zenzo
    Hurry back!
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Next Episode
    Glasses Prevent You From Seeing Certain Things
[23:30] Zenzo
    Next time:
[23:32] Zenzo
    Glasses prevent you from
    seeing certain things.

E208 - Glasses Prevent You From Seeing Certain Things
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] Sa
    It's like a dream come true!
[00:02] Sa
    Gin-san buying a pair of glasses for me...
[00:06] Sa
    I'll think of these glasses
    as you and never let them go!
[00:10] Sa
    I'll treasure them forever!
[00:13] Zenzo
    I heard that you're not getting
    any assassination work.
[00:16] Zenzo
    Only makes sense after all the mistakes,
[00:18] ---
    and you even injured your own men.
[00:21] Zenzo
    They'll be coming for you.
[00:24] Zenzo
    The Assassins of Assassins Squad!
[00:27] Zenzo
    The Lethal Punishers!
[00:30] Sa
    I'm sorry...
[00:32] Sa
    They were a present from Gin-san...
[00:36] Sa
    I promised to treasure them...
[00:41] Gin
    You don't need to see a thing right now.
[00:44] Gin
    Don't need to see a thing.
[00:46] Gin
    When you wake up,
[00:48] Gin
    there won't be any cracks in your vision.
[00:51] Gin
    The Assassins of Assassins
    of Assassins Squad!
[00:55] Gin
    Lethal Odd Jobs is moving out!
[00:58] Zenzo
    Is everybody in position?
[01:00] Shin
    Roger.
[01:03] Zenzo
    You all went to Don Quijote!
[01:04] Zenzo
    Don Quijote...
[02:39] Zenzo
    This sensation...
[02:41] Zenzo
    Someone's here...
[02:43] Zenzo
    two on the roof,
[02:45] Zenzo
    one inside,
[02:47] Zenzo
    and one in the yard...
[02:49] A
    I can smell multiple humans.
[02:54] A
    As expected.
[02:56] A
    But it doesn't matter how many there are.
[02:59] A
    This time, we'll finish her off
[03:02] A
    along with the others.
[03:05] Zenzo
    Th-They're here...
[03:07] Zenzo
    The hell are they doing?!
[03:14] Zenzo
    Hurry!
[03:15] Zenzo
    Hurry back!
SIGN    Glasses Prevent You From  Seeing Certain Things
[03:27] Zenzo
    Do you read me? Do you read me?
[03:29] Zenzo
    Five suspicious figures on the premises.
[03:31] Zenzo
    The Punishers have come!
[03:33] Zenzo
    Get your asses back here!
[03:34] Zenzo
    Sarutobi's completely helpless right now!
[03:36] Zenzo
    I can't hold them off for long!
[03:38] Zenzo
    I repeat!
[03:39] Zenzo
    Get back to the house!
[03:41] Zenzo
    Sarutobi's going to die, over!
[03:44] Shin
    What?
[03:45] Shin
    Gin-san, he said that the Punishers
    are already there, over.
[03:47] Gin
    Hold on.
[03:48] Gin
    They have the enema type,
[03:50] ---
    but they're out of the suppository, over.
[03:52] Shin
    No, it's not for me!
[03:52] Zenzo
    Forget about that already, over!
[03:54] Gin
    Eh? You're the one who
    told me to buy some, over.
[03:57] Zenzo
    The situation has changed!
[03:59] Zenzo
    This isn't the time to be 
    worrying about my anus, over!
[04:01] Gin
    Screw that!
[04:02] Gin
    I'm buying your damn Preparation H!
[04:04] Gin
    Get your hemorrhoids ready, over!
[04:06] Zenzo
    It won't be my ass that's 
    bleeding all over the place!
[04:07] Zenzo
    I said to forget about it, over!
[04:09] Shin
    Zenzo-san, I sent Kagura-chan
    and Sadaharu back first.
[04:13] Shin
    We'll be right behind them,
    so you'll have to make
[04:15] ---
    do with wet wipes in the meantime, over!
[04:17] Zenzo
    Damn...
[04:18] Zenzo
    My plan has been ruined by these fools.
[04:23] Zenzo
    Do you read me?
[04:23] Zenzo
    Zenzo here.
[04:25] Zenzo
    Where are you, China girl? Over.
[04:30] Kagura
    Who's there?!
[04:31] Kagura
    Who are...
[04:32] Zenzo
    Hey, what's wrong?!
[04:34] Zenzo
    Did something happe--
[04:36] Zenzo
    It can't be...
[04:37] Zenzo
    China girl!
[04:41] Kagura
    Are... Are...
[04:43] Kagura
    Are you using SECOM?
[04:46] Zenzo
    What kind of dream is that?!
[04:48] Zenzo
    Why do you sound like a commercial
    for a private security company?!
[04:51] Zenzo
    And why are you asleep again?
[04:52] Zenzo
    Why did you come back then, dammit?!
[04:54] Kagura
    It's too late for us kiddies
    and doggies to be up...
[05:00] Zenzo
    Don't fall asleep!
[05:01] Zenzo
    Wake up!
[05:02] Zenzo
    Do you want to die with Sarutobi?!
[05:04] Kagura
    Fine, fine.
[05:07] Kagura
    I get it.
[05:09] Kagura
    I'll keep my eyes open and stand watch.
[05:12] Zenzo
    You think you can fool me with that?!
[05:16] Zenzo
    Why are you sleeping next to Sarutobi?!
[05:18] Zenzo
    Idiot!
[05:18] Zenzo
    I'll have to go wake her up.
[05:30] N
    Punisher No. 1
[05:31] N
    Pillow Masa.
[05:33] N
    He makes sure that his target's slumber
[05:34] N
    is permanent by swapping
    the target's pillow for one
[05:37] N
    that has a bomb in the blink of an eye.
[05:38] N
    An assassin who goes after
    targets when they're asleep.
[05:40] Zenzo
    H-Here he comes...
[05:42] Zenzo
    At the worst possible time!
[05:47] Zenzo
    A-A bomb!
[05:48] Zenzo
    Hey! Wake up!
[05:50] Zenzo
    Run away!
[05:52] Zenzo
    A bomb...
[05:52] Kagura
    Shut up!
[05:53] Zenzo
    What?!
[05:54] Zenzo
    Are you an idiot?!
[05:55] Zenzo
    This isn't the time to be sleeping!
[05:57] Zenzo
    Wake up!
[05:59] Masa
    Hmph.
[06:00] Masa
    Good night, ladies.
[06:09] Masa
    I-It's so heavy!
[06:11] Masa
    The pillow won't budge!
[06:13] Masa
    What's wrong with this girl?!
[06:14] Masa
    It's like her head is made out of lead!
[06:17] Zenzo
    He insists on killing people by swapping
[06:20] ---
    out their pillows?
[06:25] Masa
    Don't take me lightly!
[06:27] Masa
    I've disposed of many traitors
    by swapping their pillows!
[06:31] Masa
    I won't let this little girl...
[06:33] Masa
    Won't let this little girl...!
[06:36] Masa
    Got it!
[06:41] Masa
    How sleepy can you be?!
[06:43] Masa
    Let go of your damn pillow!
[06:46] Masa
    There!
[06:49] Masa
    Yes, that's more like it.
[06:52] Masa
    Now, ladies,
[06:53] Masa
    good night.
[06:54] Zenzo
    This is bad!
[06:58] Masa
    Huh?
[06:59] Kagura
    I use SECOM...
[07:03] Zenzo
    Hey!
[07:04] Zenzo
    How can your sleeping be so violent?!
[07:21] Shin
    Do you read me?
[07:22] Shin
    Shimura here.
[07:24] Shin
    I just heard an explosion in the yard.
[07:26] Shin
    Is everything okay?
[07:27] Shin
    Over!
[07:28] Zenzo
    Well, I'm not sure what just happened,
[07:30] Zenzo
    but one of them was taken out.
[07:31] Shin
    Huh?!
[07:32] Zenzo
    There are still four left.
[07:33] Zenzo
    I'll move Sarutobi. We can meet somewhere else.
[07:36] Zenzo
    Where are you?
[07:37] Shin
    We already came back,
[07:39] Shin
    but I got separated from Gin-san.
[07:41] Shin
    I'm trying to find everyone 
    from a high place.
[07:43] Zenzo
    High place?!
[07:45] Zenzo
    You idiot!
[07:45] Zenzo
    The enemy's gonna spot you!
[07:48] Shin
    What am I supposed to do then?
[07:49] Shin
    There we go!
[07:50] Shin
    I can see you!
[07:52] Shin
    I'm up here!
[07:54] Shin
    Man, it's so hot.
[07:56] Shin
    I bought a few t-shirts.
[07:58] Shin
    Would you like to change into one?
[08:00] Zenzo
    Behind you!
[08:01] Zenzo
    Behind you, Shimura!
[08:06] Shin
    Wh-Who are you?!
SIGN    Punisher No. 2
[08:08] Tatsu
    T-Shirt Tatsu.
[08:10] Tatsu
    An assassin who specializes in t-shirts.
[08:11] Tatsu
    He makes sure that his target
    is permanently too tight
[08:13] Tatsu
    by swapping the target's
    medium-sized t-shirt for his own
[08:15] Tatsu
    small-sized t-shirt in the blink of an eye.
[08:16] Shin
    What the hell is an assassin
    who specializes in t-shirts?!
[08:16] Tatsu
    He is very proud of his t-shirts
[08:18] Shin
    You're not even an assassin!
[08:18] Tatsu
    and is a big fan of artistic t-shirts.
[08:20] Shin
    You're just an old man in a t-shirt!
[08:22] Tatsu
    Strip.
[08:24] Tatsu
    Shut up and strip!
[08:25] Shin
    Wait! Let me go!
[08:28] Zenzo
    Hey, there's something wrong with this image!
[08:29] Zenzo
    It's creeping me out!
[08:31] Zenzo
    The hell are you people doing?!
[08:32] Zenzo
    Who cares about a t-shirt?!
[08:33] Tatsu
    It's so heavy!
[08:34] Tatsu
    I can't take off his t-shirt!
[08:36] Tatsu
    Is this a large instead of a medium?!
[08:40] Zenzo
    Is there really that much of a difference?!
[08:42] Tatsu
    Don't take me lightly!
[08:43] Tatsu
    I've put on many tight t-shirts
[08:45] ---
    by taking off such loose t-shirts!
[08:49] Tatsu
    I won't let this large-sized t-shirt...
[08:50] Tatsu
    Won't let this large-sized t-shirt...!
[08:54] Tatsu
    Got it!
[08:57] Tatsu
    He was wearing a small t-shirt to begin with!
[08:59] Zenzo
    Who gives a damn?!
[09:01] Shin
    Well, Gin-san took the medium one.
[09:05] Shin
    Sorry about this.
[09:07] Tatsu
    No, I should be the one to apologize.
[09:09] Tatsu
    You should have told me that
    you were wearing a small.
[09:11] Zenzo
    What's going on?
[09:12] Zenzo
    Why are small ones acceptable?
[09:13] Zenzo
    What do you have against medium t-shirts?!
[09:15] Shin
    Actually, I have a bunch
    of small t-shirts here.
[09:18] Shin
    You can have them if you'd like.
[09:19] Zenzo
    What? I can try them on?
[09:21] Zenzo
    What are you doing?! Do your job!
[09:23] Zenzo
    Aren't you a Punisher?!
[09:24] Zenzo
    Did you come here to try on t-shirts?!
[09:26] Tatsu
    Whee! T-shirts are meant to be small!
[09:30] Tatsu
    It feels so good to have the cloth
    pulled tightly across your skin!
[09:34] Tatsu
    Huh? This shirt is bigger than I expected.
[09:37] Shin
    Oh, there weren't any mediums, but
    there was a large one in there.
[09:40] Shin
    That's okay though, right?
[09:47] Tatsu
    You tricked me!
[09:49] Zenzo
    Why?!
[09:50] Zenzo
    Why would he die because
    he put on a large t-shirt?!
[09:52] Zenzo
    What's the story here?!
[09:55] Shin
    I feel kinda bad.
[09:57] Shin
    But now, there are only three left.
[10:00] Zenzo
    Three?
[10:02] Zenzo
    Did this guy even count?
[10:05] Gin
    Sakata here.
[10:07] Gin
    I just heard a small-sized t-shirt 
    being ripped apart in the yard.
[10:10] Gin
    Is everything okay? Over.
[10:12] Zenzo
    How could you hear that?!
[10:13] Zenzo
    Is everything okay with your ears?!
[10:15] Gin
    Oh, there you are.
[10:16] Shin
    Gin-san, where'd you go?
[10:17] Shin
    I was worried.
[10:19] Gin
    Well, it's so hot.
[10:21] Gin
    So I was digging through the
    fridge for something cold.
[10:24] Gin
    I found some Chuuberts.
[10:26] Zenzo
    Don't you people have any sense of danger?!
[10:28] Zenzo
    Why are you changing into t-shirts
    and looking around for snacks
[10:31] ---
    while assassins are running around?!
[10:33] Zenzo
    And those Chuuberts are mine!
[10:35] Gin
    Don't be stupid!
[10:36] Gin
    I risked my life to grab these
[10:37] ---
    Chuuberts while assassins are running around!
[10:40] Gin
    They're mine!
[10:40] Zenzo
    I was saving those for later!
[10:43] Zenzo
    I'm never gonna let you have the grape one!
[10:45] ---
    Now, now.
[10:46] Kagura
    There's a grape and a soda,
[10:48] ---
    so let's be nice and share.
[10:51] Zenzo
    Why are you back awake like
    nothing ever happened?
[10:53] Zenzo
    How did a Chuubert wake up someone
[10:55] ---
    who was knocked out by an explosion?!
[10:58] Kagura
    If we break them in half, we'll have four.
[11:01] Kagura
    I want soda.
[11:03] Gin
    I want grape.
[11:05] Shin
    I'll take soda then.
[11:06] Kagura
    See? It worked out perfectly.
[11:10] Sa
    G-Grape...
[11:17] Gin
    She seems to be having a nightmare.
[11:19] Zenzo
    Let's break them in half then.
[11:20] Sa
    Grape!
[11:22] Ga
    That's my choice...
[11:26] Gin
    Hey!
[11:27] Gin
    Why are you making requests while
[11:28] ---
    pretending to have a nightmare?!
[11:30] Gin
    Grape, my ass!
[11:31] Gin
    Whose fault do you think this mess is?
[11:34] Shin
    Gin-san!  You shouldn't do
    that to someone who's injured!
[11:36] Gin
    She's obviously awake!
[11:37] Gin
    She's only pretending to be asleep!
[11:39] Kagura
    Not much we can do.
[11:40] Kagura
    I guess the grape people will
    have to do rock, paper, scissors
[11:42] ---
    with the loser getting the knobs on the end.
[11:44] Zenzo
    Don't be ridiculous!
[11:45] Zenzo
    The soda people should join in then!
[11:46] Zenzo
    I'd rather have a soda than the knobs!
[11:48] Kagura
    No way!
[11:49] Kagura
    This is a problem for the grape people!
[11:51] Kagura
    Don't drag the soda people into this!
[11:53] Kagura
    Right, Pachi-boy?
[11:54] Shin
    I'm fine with grape or soda.
[11:57] Sa
    Th-Then Pachi-boy gets left out...
[12:01] Shin
    How can you say such terrible things while
[12:03] ---
    having a nightmare, Sa-chan-san?!
[12:04] Shin
    Gin-san! She's obviously awake!
[12:07] Gin
    Then the loser gets both the knobs.
[12:10] All
    Okay!
[12:10] Gin
    First comes rock!
[12:12] All
    Rock, paper...
[12:13] Shin
    Huh? Hold on.
[12:14] Shin
    Uh...
[12:16] Shin
    Don't these Chuuberts look a little strange?
[12:19] Zenzo
    How?
[12:19] Gin
    Now that you mention it,
    they seem a little clean.
[12:23] Gin
    Huh?
[12:24] Gin
    They don't have any knobs?
[12:25] All
    Ah...
SIGN    Punishers No. 3, 4
    Assassins who specialize in Chuuberts. They make sure that their target is permanently suffering from a brother complex
[12:35] Chu
    The Chuubert Chu Brothers!
[12:37] Chu
    Refer to the caption for the
    rest of our introduction!
SIGN    by swapping the longer part of the Chuubert for the shorter part in the blink of the eye. Incidentally, the brothers split their own Chuuberts vertically.
[12:39] Gin
    Don't bother coming up with an intro
    if you're too lazy to give it!
[12:42] Chu
    How unfortunate!
[12:44] Chu
    We switched the longer parts
    for the shorter parts!
[12:49] Chu
    The shorter end is perfect for you fools!
[12:52] Chu
    You get to experience the anguish
[12:53] ---
    felt by a younger brother when relinquishing
[12:55] ---
    the longer part to your older brother!
[12:58] Chu
    Even though you aren't little brothers!
[13:04] Chu
    Brother, it worked perfectly!
[13:06] Chu
    The souls of our comrades will rest easy now!
[13:08] Chu
    Let us return home and celebrate
    with the longer parts of Chuuberts!
[13:12] Chu
    This BGM is...
[13:13] Chu
    There are others who are
    able to use this BGM?!
[13:17] Chu
    Brother!
[13:18] Chu
    Th-There are Chuuberts...!
[13:20] Chu
    Chuuberts in our asses!
[13:26] Chu
    Y-You bastards!
[13:29] Zenzo
    Give back...
[13:30] Gin
    ...the longer Chuubert parts.
[13:34] Chu
    S-Spare us!
[13:35] Chu
    We already ate them!
[13:36] Chu
    Stupid brother!
[13:38] Chu
    H-Hold on!
[13:39] Chu
    We'll buy new ones for you!
[13:40] Chu
    Promise!
[13:41] Chu
    Please spare our lives!
[13:42] Chu
    Please! We'll buy as many as you want!
[13:44] Chu
    How many longer parts do you want?
[13:47] Chu
    Wait! Wait!
[14:13] Gin
    Yo.
[14:14] Gin
    Sorry to keep you waiting, boss.
[14:16] Zenzo
    We punished your Punishers.
[14:19] Gin
    Four weak-ass Punishers.
[14:21] Gin
    They need a special crash
    course on the art of killing.
[14:24] Gin
    Work 'em to the bone.
[14:27] Gin
    Take this message to your superiors.
[14:29] Gin
    If they want to crush Sa-chan the Assassin,
[14:31] Gin
    they better send every killer they got.
[14:35] Boss
    Don't worry.
[14:36] Boss
    I already let them know.
[14:51] Boss
    I knew that killing the top assassin
[14:54] ---
    in Edo wouldn't be easy.
[14:57] Gin
    I-I was just kidding, boss!
[15:00] Gin
    Give me a break!
[15:02] Gin
    It was just a joke!
[15:04] Gin
    A little killer of a joke!
[15:07] Gin
    You don't have to be so serious!
[15:09] Gin
    Okay, there you have it!
[15:11] Gin
    Everybody's dismissed!
[15:12] Gin
    Good work!
[15:13] Gin
    Sorry about the mix-up!
[15:16] Gin
    Uh, are you listening?
[15:17] Gin
    Really, I'm sorry!
[15:18] Gin
    I'm apologizing!
[15:20] Zenzo
    Hey! What do you think you're doing?!
[15:23] Zenzo
    This is all because you got too cocky!
[15:25] Gin
    That's because I thought it was
    safe to start playing it cool!
[15:28] Zenzo
    Don't give me that shit!
[15:29] Zenzo
    I was coerced into helping these people!
[15:32] Zenzo
    Keep them and let me go!
[15:33] Kagura
    Bring it on!
[15:35] Kagura
    If Gin-chan dies, his
    soul will live on in us!
[15:40] Gin
    Why are you making it sound like
    I'm the only one who's gonna die?!
[15:42] Gin
    You can live on inside me!
[15:45] Boss
    Ayame Sarutobi, you have good friends.
[15:47] Gin
    We aren't friends!
[15:49] Gin
    We're total strangers!
[15:50] Gin
    We have nothing to do with her!
[15:51] Boss
    But your crime was to
    succumb to your weakness.
[15:55] Boss
    We don't need weak assassins.
[15:57] Boss
    I have cut down many evil villains with
[16:00] Boss
    this very blade to protect
    Edo from the shadows.
[16:04] Boss
    I cannot allow my blade to falter
[16:06] ---
    for the sake of one weakling.
[16:10] Boss
    If you need something to blame,
    blame your own weakness.
[16:13] Boss
    And your failure to protect
    your own comrades!
[16:17] Shin
    Gin-san!
[16:26] Zenzo
    What?!
[16:28] Sa
    The bells of Jetavana toll,
[16:31] Sa
    echoing the impermanence of all things.
[16:35] Sa
    The color of the flowers on the sal tree...
[16:38] Sa
    Only the evil practice certain death.
[16:44] Sa
    I won't let you lay a finger on these people.
[16:48] Sa
    Or I'm not Sa-chan the Assassin.
[16:50] Shin
    Sa-chan-san!
[16:52] Boss
    So you've returned from the
    depths of hell, Ayame Sarutobi.
[16:57] Boss
    I was ready to grant you
[16:58] ---
    a peaceful crossing of the River Styx.
[17:02] Boss
    You intend to resist us
    in your current state?
[17:05] Boss
    I'm sure that you've already seen
[17:07] ---
    how you stand no chance against us.
[17:12] Sa
    I wouldn't know,
[17:14] Sa
    since I have poor eyesight.
[17:19] Sa
    But...
[17:20] Sa
    I can see clearly now.
[17:22] Sa
    How I was a fool.
[17:23] Sa
    How kind everyone has been.
[17:25] Sa
    How Zenzo's hemorrhoids are getting worse.
[17:27] Zenzo
    What?
[17:28] Sa
    And I now see what it is
    that I must truly treasure.
[17:32] Sa
    I can see everything
[17:33] Sa
    without wearing these.
[17:37] Gin
    Come on...
[17:39] Gin
    That was harsh.
[17:42] Gin
    Those glasses were a present.
[17:46] Sa
    I'm still wearing...
[17:48] Sa
    ...the glasses you and everyone else gave me.
[17:51] Sa
    I'm wearing the wonderful glasses
    which let me see your souls...
[17:54] Sa
    ...on the inside.
[17:57] Sa
    Thank you, Gin-san,
    Shinpachi-kun, Kagura-chan.
[18:00] Sa
    Who are you again?
[18:01] Zenzo
    You just had to turn me
    into the butt of a joke!
[18:04] Sa
    I promise to treasure
    the glasses you gave me.
[18:10] Boss
    What difference will a
    new pair of glasses make?
[18:14] Boss
    You don't need glasses to see...
[18:16] Boss
    ...that imminent death approaches.
[18:19] Boss
    With the Punishers on the case,
[18:22] Boss
    your death is assured!
[18:38] A
    I-Impossible!
[18:39] A
    She's shooting beams from her glasses!
[18:47] Boss
    Stand firm!
[18:48] Boss
    Attack her glasses from behind!
[18:50] Boss
    Aim for her glasses!
[18:52] Voice
    Three enemies approaching at
    seven meters from the left rear.
[18:55] Voice
    Power levels are 120, 98, 111.
[18:59] Voice
    They will attack after the
    scene change. Prepare yourself.
[19:04] Sa
    I can see! I can see! I can see!
[19:07] Sa
    I feel like my entire
    body is wearing glasses!
[19:09] Sa
    I can see everything!
[19:10] Kagura
    Go, Sa-chan!
[19:11] Shin
    Show them the power of a glasses girl!
[19:13] Zenzo
    The power of the Oniwaban!
[19:15] Gin
    The power of Sa-chan the Assassin!
[19:17] Both
    Give it to them!
SIGN    Kill
[19:54] Sa
    The Glasses School of Ninjutsu!
[19:56] Sa
    Ultimate technique!
[20:03] Sa
    Take this!
[20:05] Sa
    Flight of the Hundred Glasses!
[20:24] Boss
    I-Impressive, Ayame Sarutobi...
[20:29] Boss
    You were able to accurately
    place glasses of the
[20:33] ---
    wrong prescription on every single Punisher.
[20:38] Boss
    Y-You are Edo's greatest glasses gi--
[20:43] Boss
    Assassin...
[20:47] Kagura
    You did it!
[20:48] Kagura
    Way to go, Sa-chan!
[20:50] Shin
    You've finally mastered the
[20:52] ---
    ultimate technique of the Glasses School.
[20:54] Zenzo
    What is this Glasses School?
[20:55] Zenzo
    I'm the only one who doesn't know it?
[20:56] Zenzo
    You've all heard of it?
[20:58] Gin
    You can tell that those glasses
    were made by old Gengai.
[21:01] Gin
    They're not bad.
[21:02] Zenzo
    Are those even glasses?
[21:04] Zenzo
    Wouldn't they be considered a weapon?
[21:05] Gin
    I should ask him to make me a pair of glasses
[21:07] ---
    that can see through clothes
    and remove mosaic censors.
[21:10] Zenzo
    Oh, could you ask him to make two pairs?
[21:13] Sa
    Thank you.
[21:14] Sa
    I couldn't have done it
    without everybody's help.
[21:16] Gin
    Hey, could you not look in this direction?
[21:18] Gin
    I'm scared that you'll start shooting beams.
[21:19] Sa
    It's a marvel.
[21:21] Sa
    The world looks so beautiful
    through these glasses.
[21:24] Sa
    Take Zenzo's drab house.
[21:28] Sa
    It looks so flashy that it's almost on fire.
[21:30] Zenzo
    It really is on fire!
[21:31] Zenzo
    You're shooting beams!
[21:32] Zenzo
    The hell are you doing?!
[21:33] Sa
    It must be because these glasses
    were a present from all of you.
[21:36] Sa
    How wonderful.
[21:37] Sa
    I'm going to treasure them.
[21:41] Sa
    Thank you so much!
[21:42] Sa
    I love you, Gin-san!
[21:43] Zenzo
    Wait!
[21:44] Zenzo
    Don't walk around my home
    with those glasses on!
[21:47] Shin
    Gin-san,
[21:48] Shin
    it seems that glasses
[21:49] ---
    aren't meant to be given as a present,
[21:51] ---
    even from loved ones.
[21:52] Kagura
    Hmm?
[21:53] Kagura
    Why's that?
[21:55] Shin
    Because you can't regift them.
[21:58] Gin
    Clever, but it rubbed me the wrong way.
[22:00] Gin
    Hey, Kagura-kun.
[22:01] Gin
    How about a shot of beams for Shinpachi?
SIGN    Look forward to next time.

E209 - Nothing lasts forever, etc.
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:01] Gin
    Greetings, everyone.
[00:03] Gin
    Today's ****** was ******* because
    of the ******* ************,
[00:10] Gin
    so we have a ****** 
    special that's basically a !
SIGN    Nothing Lasts Forever, Including Parents, Money,  Youth, Your Room, Dress Shirts, Me, You, and the Gintama Anime
[01:51] Shin
    Uh, excuse me.
[01:52] Shin
    I had no idea what you said
[01:54] ---
    at the beginning because of all the censoring.
[01:55] Gin
    Read between the lines, Pachi-boy.
[01:58] Gin
    Just look at what we're wearing.
[02:00] Gin
    And a kotatsu in May?
[02:02] Gin
    They're reusing old footage
    for this conversation.
[02:05] Gin
    Eight episodes into the new show and
[02:07] ---
    we're already resorting to cheap tricks.
[02:08] Gin
    And eight's supposed to be a lucky number?
[02:10] Gin
    No wonder your name has
    Japanese word for eight in it.
[02:11] Shin
    What's that supposed to mean?!
[02:13] Kagura
    The success of the movie led to the
    TV series returning after one year.
[02:16] Kagura
    Everything was going too smoothly.
[02:17] Kagura
    This show is always on the
    verge of falling apart.
[02:19] Kagura
    The second series could end at any time.
[02:22] Kagura
    We might as well air the same episode
    eight times, starting next week.
[02:25] Kagura
    Since Shinpachi's name has
    the word for eight in it.
[02:26] Shin
    We can't do that!
[02:29] Shin
    And first, we have to figure out
[02:31] ---
    what we're doing for the rest of this episode!
[02:32] Shin
    If we keep reusing old footage
    while babbling about nothing,
[02:35] Shin
    the producers who were
    so happy about the show
[02:37] ---
    coming back will have to go back to apologizing to everyone.
[02:40] Gin
    Well, let's play a song for now?
[02:42] Gin
    A song for the valiant efforts
    of Hasegawa-san, who's managed
[02:45] ---
    to survive despite his dark future, much like this show.
[02:47] Gin
    Take it away.
SIGN    Cardboard...
SIGN    "The God of Cardboard" MADAO
SIGN    Cardboard...
SIGN    They've taken everything away.
SIGN    My home, my job, my salary.
SIGN    I couldn't fight back
SIGN    as I lost everything.
SIGN    And then I...
SIGN    became a middle-aged dumb-ass oldie.
SIGN    They've taken everything away,
SIGN    but the God of Cardboard gives stuff to me.
SIGN    Cardboard can be transformed
SIGN    into a bed.
SIGN    At night,
SIGN    cardboard keeps away the cold.
SIGN    Cardboard...
SIGN    O, God of Cardboard.
SIGN    Cardboard...
SIGN    I softly closed my eyes and went to sleep.
SIGN    They've taken everything away.
SIGN    My pride, my savings, my assets.
SIGN    I couldn't fight back
SIGN    as I wore down.
SIGN    And then I...
SIGN    Was still a middle-aged dumb-ass oldie.
SIGN    They've taken everything away.
SIGN    But the God of Cardboard gives stuff to me.
SIGN    Cardboard can be transformed
SIGN    into a house.
SIGN    Cardboard keeps away prying eyes.
SIGN    Cardboard...
SIGN    O, God of Cardboard.
SIGN    Cardboard...
SIGN    I softly curled up into a ball.
SIGN    Cardboard...
[06:17] Kagura
    Who exactly benefited from this?
SIGN    Special Announcement
SIGN    The Gintama Movie Production Committee
[07:11] Zura
    Is this the end?
[07:13] Zura
    Instead of falling into enemy hands,
[07:16] Zura
    we should finish this like warriors
[07:19] Zura
    and cut open our bellies.
[07:23] Gin
    Don't be a fool.
[07:27] Gin
    Stand.
[07:33] Gin
    If you have time to plan out a pretty death,
[07:36] Gin
    why not live a pretty life to the very end?
[07:46] Gin
    Let's do this, Zura.
[07:48] Zura
    It's not Zura.
[07:51] Zura
    It's Katsura.
[07:52] Katsura
    The man's silver hair was lined with blood.
[08:03] Katsura
    He tore across the battlefield...
[08:10] Katsura
    ...like a Yaksha.
SIGN    Gintama the Movie II
SIGN    Birth of the White Yaksha
SIGN    Preview
[08:26] Tendo
    This blessed land
[08:29] Tendo
    should not be wasted on those barbaric apes!
[08:33] Sakamoto
    Charge!
[08:36] Takasugi
    Kiheitai! Follow my lead!
[08:45] Sakamoto
    You just charged in by yourself.
[08:47] Sakamoto
    You crazy in the head?
[08:49] Katsura
    You shouldn't be talking.
[08:52] Sakamoto
    Got that right.
[08:54] Takasugi
    Here.
[08:56] Takasugi
    Need a hand, Gintoki?
[08:59] Gin
    Shut up!
[09:00] Gin
    I don't need your help!
[09:11] Sakamoto
    I've made up my mind.
[09:13] Sakamoto
    I'm going into space.
[09:15] Sakamoto
    This war is killing off my friends.
[09:21] Sakamoto
    I'm sick of...
[09:23] Sakamoto
    ...watching friends die.
[09:38] Takasugi
    I see...
[09:40] Takasugi
    You were the one who...
[09:50] Takasugi
    Gintoki!
[09:51] Gin
    This guy is mine!
[09:54] Takasugi
    Tsk!
[09:55] Takasugi
    Back off!
[09:56] Gin
    Shut up!
[10:21] Gin
    Ma...
[10:24] Gin
    Master Shoyo!
SIGN    This is when it all began.
SIGN    Coming next spring.
SIGN    Also screening: Shinsengumi - Arrival in Kyoto -
SIGN    Preorder Bonus
    Everyone who preorders their tickets will receive Elizabeth 3D glasses!
[10:51] Shin
    Man, I didn't expect the second movie
[10:54] ---
    to cover this storyline.
[10:56] Gin
    You bet.
[10:57] Gin
    They're following up the success of
[10:59] ---
    Gintama the Movie: Benizakura Arc the New Translation.
[11:02] Gin
    And this isn't a rehash of one
    of the arcs from the TV series.
[11:05] Gin
    This is a completely original story.
[11:08] Kagura
    No one thought that the fake movie scam
[11:11] ---
    from Jump Anime Tour 2008 would become real.
[11:14] Gin
    Grown-ups are scum.
[11:16] Gin
    They're quick as lightning to ride on
[11:19] ---
    the coattails of success.
[11:21] Shin
    Fastest in the world, or so they claim.
[11:23] Kagura
    At this rate, we can do a movie every year.
[11:26] Kagura
    If this one is an original story,
[11:27] ---
    the next one can be another remake of a TV arc.
[11:29] Kagura
    After "Birth of the White Yaksha,"
[11:31] ---
    we can do "Kagura and the Steel Troops."
[11:33] Shin
    That arc doesn't exist!
[11:35] Shin
    And you clearly copied that
    title from someone else!
[11:37] Gin
    Oh, I'm pretty sure that the
    audience has noticed by now.
[11:41] Shin
    Huh? Noticed what?
[11:43] Gin
    Well, we're sitting here talking
    about a second movie...
[11:48] Gin
    ...but it ain't gonna happen.
[11:50] Kagura
    Life ain't easy for this series.
[11:56] Shin
    I knew it.
[12:00] Shin
    Wait!
[12:02] Shin
    Stop lying through your teeth!
[12:04] Shin
    We had a successful movie run
    and the series is back on TV,
[12:08] Shin
    and you're still trying to pull that crap?!
[12:10] Kagura
    The successful movie only made
    1/4 of what One Piece did.
[12:14] Gin
    You know...
[12:16] Gin
    The success of Gintama the Movie:
    Benizakura Arc the New Translation
[12:19] Gin
    was somewhat because we spent
[12:20] ---
    four years lying about making a movie on the TV show.
[12:24] Gin
    We aren't big daddies here.
[12:26] Gin
    Can't plant our seed on an annual basis.
[12:27] Shin
    What kind of metaphor is that?!
[12:29] Gin
    So we'll need to spend time
    setting up the next movie.
[12:34] Gin
    In three years, when the next World Cup is.
[12:38] Kagura
    Though this show might not make
[12:39] ---
    it past the preliminaries for movie consideration.
[12:43] Shin
    You guys aren't even trying, are you?
[12:47] Okita
    Chief.
[12:48] Okita
    Either way, the second movie
    won't use this storyline.
[12:52] Shin
    Okita-san.
[12:53] Hijikata
    Birth of the White Yaksha?
[12:55] Hijikata
    The Shinsengumi will look even worse.
[13:01] Okita
    Exactly.
[13:03] Okita
    So if there's a second movie,
[13:04] ---
    it should be "Gintama the Movie: Okita Becomes a Sadist,
[13:07] ---
    Hijikata Dies in the Wasteland."
[13:09] Hijikata
    What kind of subtitle is that?!
[13:11] Hijikata
    Why are you kind of copying
    the title from someone else?!
[13:13] Hijikata
    Why are you killing me off?!
[13:14] Kondo
    Calm down, Toshi.
[13:16] Kondo
    It doesn't matter if three years
    pass until the next movie.
[13:19] Kondo
    It doesn't matter if we
    don't play a major part.
[13:20] Kondo
    We will stay the course and
[13:22] ---
    stand upright like true samurai!
[13:24] Hijikata
    You need to change your course!
[13:27] Shin
    Wait!
[13:28] Shin
    Why are you naked again?!
[13:30] Kondo
    Well, in a movie, an actress is
[13:34] ---
    supposed to provide a nipslip or, I mean,
[13:37] ---
    a little sexual tension!
[13:38] Shin
    Kondo-san!
[13:39] Shin
    S-Sis!
[13:40] Otae
    Please, Shin-chan.
[13:42] Otae
    We don't need any more movies
[13:44] ---
    after the Benizakura Arc movie
[13:45] ---
    where I was somewhat the main heroine.
[13:48] Shin
    How selfish can you be?
[13:50] Kyubei
    I strum a melody for Otae-chan.
[13:53] Kyubei
    There is no other way.
[13:54] Shin
    What are you talking about, Kyubei-san?!
[13:56] Kagura
    Boss lady!
[13:57] Kagura
    Let me be the heroine next--
[14:04] Zura
    In the TV series, I may play a fool,
[14:05] Zura
    but in the movies, I cut a dashing figure!
[14:09] Zura
    All according to the law of movie-Gian!
[14:12] Okita
    Takeshi!
[14:15] Hijikata
    Wait up, Takeshi!
[14:18] Madao
    Oh, sorry about that.
[14:20] Madao
    The title of the next movie is
    "MADAO and the Steel Troops."
[14:26] Madao
    It was a lie?
[14:28] Kagura
    I want to have a go at being the heroine.
[14:30] Otae
    Then the three of us can be the
    main characters of the next movie,
[14:32] ---
    "Three for the Kill."
[14:33] Kyubei
    I'll play Sengoku...
[14:35] Sa
    You can't satisfy me by making me an extra!
[14:37] Gin
    Stop it, stupid!
[14:38] Katsura
    I am Gian!
[14:40] Hijikata
    You stupid bully!
[14:41] Shin
    Hey!
[14:42] Shin
    What the hell's going on?!
[14:43] Shin
    How are we supposed to stop this circus?!
[14:45] Gin
    How would I know, fool?!
[14:46] Elizabeth
    Man, look at you all whining.
SIGN    Quit Smoking
[14:50] Elizabeth
    That's why you're One Piece Quarter.
[14:53] Elizabeth
    Actually, it took four years
    to make 1/4 the amount.
[14:57] Elizabeth
    So if you want to be number one,
[15:00] Elizabeth
    you'll have to spend sixteen years preparing.
[15:02] Gin
    Huh?
[15:04] Gin
    What kind of logic is that?
[15:06] Elizabeth
    Hey, Luffy Quarter.
[15:08] Gin
    Huh?
[15:09] Elizabeth
    Finish this.
[15:10] Gin
    Hey!
[15:10] Gin
    That's impossib--
[15:11] Elizabeth
    Bye.
[15:12] Gin
    Don't run away, dammit!
[15:14] Shin
    Wh-What do we do, Gin-san?
[15:19] Gin
    Can't help it.
[15:21] Gin
    Everyone gather round!
[15:22] Gin
    We'll have to go with that!
[15:27] Gin
    Here we go!
[15:29] All
    Three!
[15:30] All
    Two!
[15:31] All
    One Peace!
[15:52] Gin
    Ask Mr. Ginpachi!
[15:55] All
    Is back!
[15:58] Gin
    Okay, it's been a while.
[16:00] Gin
    Let's go straight to the first question.
[16:03] Gin
    From someone with the pen name YNG:
[16:06] Gin
    In episode 197, "Not Losing to the Storm",
[16:09] Gin
    there was a scene where
    Gin-san was hit in the balls.
[16:13] Gin
    I'm a girl, so I don't
    know how much that hurts,
[16:17] Gin
    but a certain person said that
[16:19] ---
    "it hurts as much as a direct ignore-defense attack
[16:22] Gin
    on the abdominal area after a body blow
[16:23] ---
    removed all of the abs and other protection down there."
[16:28] Gin
    I don't understand what that means.
[16:29] Gin
    Could you give me a simple
    explanation of how much it hurts?
[16:33] Gin
    This question has been
    keeping me up at night.
[16:37] Gin
    Okay, here's your answer.
[16:40] Gin
    Abdominal area without
    any abs makes no sense.
[16:43] Gin
    Since you have abs,
[16:44] Gin
    but no balls,
[16:46] Gin
    it's hard to understand.
[16:48] Gin
    I'll use a metaphor that's more romantic
[16:51] ---
    so the girls will understand.
[16:53] Gin
    Now, let us pretend
[16:55] Gin
    that you are drinking tea
    in a field of flowers.
[17:00] Gin
    And then your pet bunny escapes.
[17:04] Gin
    You run after it,
[17:08] Gin
    but a prince on a white
    horse happens to pass by.
[17:10] Gin
    However, he doesn't have
    enough time to react,
[17:14] Gin
    and the white horse stomps on you.
[17:16] Gin
    However, you were wearing
    a helmet, so you're fine.
[17:20] Gin
    But then the prince loses his
    balance and is thrown off the horse
[17:25] Gin
    and is about to hit the ground,
[17:28] Gin
    when your butler catches him in mid-air
[17:30] Gin
    since your butler used to be a gymnast.
[17:31] Gin
    But since your butler strained
    himself, his back gives,
[17:35] Gin
    leaving him in excruciating pain.
[17:39] Gin
    Your butler screams in pain.
[17:41] Gin
    But then he wakes up.
[17:43] Gin
    Yes, it was all his dream
[17:47] Gin
    in a crappy book that left you in pain
[17:51] Gin
    and your mother in more
    pain as she watches you,
[17:53] Gin
    and your father in even more pain
    after he accidentally hit his balls.
[17:56] Gin
    That kind of pain.
[18:00] Gin
    After a long suspension, he's finally back.
[18:05] Gin
    Yes, bringing chaos and
    destruction back to class 3-Z...
[18:13] Takasugi
    I simply destroy.
[18:16] Takasugi
    Heartless and hardcore.
[18:17] All
    Takasugi-kun!
SIGN    Final Episode
[18:21] Gin
    Hey.
[18:22] Gin
    Close your textbooks.
[18:24] Gin
    Now, Mr. Kakashi from class N
[18:27] ---
    had his Sharingan stolen after school yesterday.
[18:30] Gin
    There are quite a few suspects,
[18:33] Gin
    but it's too much effort so I'm going
    to pick someone from this classroom.
[18:37] Gin
    Does anyone know anything?
[18:39] Kondo
    Teach! Takasugi-kun looks suspicious!
[18:43] Kondo
    He must be hiding the Sharingan
    under that eye patch!
[18:46] Kondo
    He wants to copy my Ninja Centerfold!
[18:49] Gin
    Is that true, Takasugi?
[18:51] Gin
    Kondo's centerfold is just above his hairy ass.
[18:54] Gin
    You'll only be copying a bunch of ass hair.
[18:57] Takasugi
    Heh, who would want that?
[19:00] Gin
    There you have it.
[19:01] Gin
    Well, I understand why the delinquent
    Takasugi would be a suspect,
[19:05] Gin
    but he doesn't need the Sharingan
    to improve his image.
[19:09] Gin
    After all, Takasugi already has
    plenty of emo kiddie tendencies,
[19:12] Gin
    such as being a delinquent,
    wearing an eye patch,
[19:16] ---
    and having a desire to destroy everything.
[19:18] Takasugi
    You want me to destroy you?
[19:21] Gin
    Well, I recommend that you refrain
    from picking up new personality traits
[19:24] Gin
    to boost your popularity
    in the character rankings.
[19:28] Gin
    You'll only confuse the audience
    by adding to your character.
[19:32] Gin
    New additions frequently fail hard.
[19:35] Gin
    It happens all the time in anime sequels.
[19:37] Kagura
    That's right.
[19:38] Kagura
    Those characters tend to be written off
[19:40] ---
    at the end of the second season.
[19:43] Shin
    Teach, I feel sick.
[19:45] Shin
    Can I go to the nurse's office?
[19:47] Shin
    Shimura.
[19:49] Shin
    You're going straight to the faculty office.
SIGN    The End
[19:58] Shin
    And so, did you enjoy the
    Celebrating the 8th Episode
[20:01] ---
    of the New Series with Another Boring Recap Special?
[20:03] Gin
    Next week's episode will be
[20:04] ---
    Celebrating the 9th Episode of the New Series with Another Recap.
[20:07] Shin
    The hell it will!
[20:08] Shin
    And yeah...
[20:09] Shin
    If you're curious about next week,
[20:10] Shin
    stick around after the ending credits.
[20:12] Kagura
    Are you talking about Piramekino?
[20:14] Shin
    No!
[20:15] Shin
    If we aired a recap this week
    and Piramekino next week,
[20:17] Shin
    it wouldn't be a joke anymore!
[20:18] Shin
    The show would be on the verge of fading out!
[20:21] Gin
    Now, now.
[20:22] Gin
    In any case, as long as nothing happens,
[20:25] ---
    same time next week.
[20:27] All
    Be there!
SIGN    Preview
[21:56] Bar
    What?
[21:57] Bar
    You want to know who the strongest
    person in the Kabuki District is?
[22:00] Bar
    There are four monsters
    on a level of their own.
[22:04] Bar
    The Fierce and Divine Mademoiselle Saigo.
[22:07] Bar
    Jirocho Doromizu the Gallant.
[22:09] Bar
    Peacock Princess Kada.
[22:11] Bar
    Empress Otose.
[22:14] Bar
    The Kabuki District Four Devas
SIGN    The Kabuki District Four Devas Arc
[22:18] Bar
    are in control of the Kabuki District.
[22:21] Pirako
    I have come to join Odd Jobs.
[22:24] Pirako
    My name is Pirako Chin.
[22:25] Gin
    Huh?! A killer?!
SIGN    The arrival of one girl...
[22:27] Gin
    This little twit?!
[22:28] Shin
    This little girl works for the underworld?!
SIGN    Signals trouble for the Kabuki District -
[22:31] Pirako
    I only know how to decorate with flowers.
[22:34] Pirako
    I'm here to turn the town where Jirocho is...
[22:37] Pirako
    To turn the Kabuki District
    into a garden of bright red!
[22:41] Kada
    There is no reason for us to fight.
SIGN    Four factions -
[22:44] Kada
    After all, isn't our enemy Jirocho?
SIGN    In an all-out war.
[22:48] Saigo
    You bastards ready to have
    your balls ripped out?!
SIGN    Jirocho Doromizu the Gallant
SIGN    drops in unexpectedly.
[22:56] Jirocho
    You think you can take
    my balls by teaming up?
[23:01] Otose
    I don't have any members in my faction.
SIGN    Emotions intertwine...
[23:06] Otose
    They serve no use at all.
SIGN    I'm sick of waiting for you to pay the rent. Take your fools and scram. Never come back to this town. -Otose
[23:09] Otose
    They just happen to be...
[23:11] Otose
    ...my family.
[23:13] Gin
    Gran!
[23:16] Jirocho
    So you're the White Yaksha?
SIGN    Two warriors who refuse to back down...
[23:18] Jirocho
    There are plenty more like you out there.
[23:24] Gin
    Crush us if you can.
[23:26] Gin
    The Otose Family will
[23:29] ---
    be paying our respects.
SIGN    A Lawless Town Tends to Attract 
    a Bunch of Whoohooey Folk
SIGN    -Otose

E210 - A Lawless Town Tends to Attract a Bunch of Whoohooey Folk
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:46] Bar
    You want to know who the strongest
    man in the Kabuki District is?
[01:49] Bar
    You must be new in town.
[01:51] Bar
    You won't last long with that attitude.
[01:55] Bar
    Forget it.
[01:56] Bar
    This town is on a whole different level.
[01:58] Bar
    You got thugs, brawlers,
    vigilantes, and rogue warriors
[02:01] ---
    from all over Edo here.
[02:03] Bar
    It's like a haven for hooligans.
[02:05] Bar
    This is for your own good.
[02:06] Bar
    Have a drink and go back
    to the countryside.
[02:11] Bar
    What's that?
[02:12] Bar
    You want me to tell you about
    the top dogs before you go?
[02:15] Bar
    You really like this stuff.
[02:17] Bar
    First, there are four monsters
    on a level of their own.
[02:20] Bar
    The Fierce and Divine
    Mademoiselle Saigo.
[02:22] Bar
    Jirocho Doromizu the Gallant.
[02:25] Bar
    Peacock Princess Kada.
[02:26] Bar
    Empress Otose.
[02:27] Bar
    The four factions are in a
[02:29] ---
    standoff which preserves a
    fragile balance of power.
[02:33] Bar
    Who would be the strongest in a fight?
[02:35] Bar
    You wouldn't be able to
    even scratch those beasts.
[02:38] Bar
    Saigo and Jirocho, in particular,
    were heroes during the Joi War.
[02:43] Bar
    Well, they're too old
    to go on a tear now.
[02:46] Bar
    If you want someone
    who's currently active,
[02:48] Bar
    there's Katsuo Kurogoma,
[02:50] ---
    a young leader in the Doromizu faction.
[02:52] Bar
    He's the most feared man
    in the Kabuki District now.
[02:56] Bar
    You'll also find a few former
    Joi in Saigo's faction.
[02:59] Bar
    There are rumors about
[03:00] ---
    Kada's faction having
    ties to some crazy folk.
[03:06] Bar
    Otose's faction?
SIGN    Snack Otose
[03:08] Bar
    It's just a bar, really.
[03:10] Bar
    She's just an old lady
    with a soft heart.
[03:13] Bar
    But if you try any funny
    business on her turf,
[03:18] Bar
    you'll run into a certain guy.
[03:21] Bar
    A guy who holds his own against
    the Big Three by himself.
[03:24] Bar
    One hell of a monster,
[03:27] Bar
    with hair that's completely white.
[03:35] Bar
    A demon...
[03:40] Pirako
    That's too bad.
[03:41] Pirako
    I was going to decorate your
[03:43] ---
    completely white head with
    some bright red flowers.
[03:46] Pirako
    Your reputation precedes you.
[03:48] Pirako
    The strongest man in
    the Kabuki District...
[03:51] Pirako
    Gintoki Sakata-san...
[03:53] Gin
    Who are you...?
[03:57] Pirako
    I didn't realize how
    strong you were, Bro!
[04:00] Pirako
    Could you take me in...
[04:03] Pirako
    ...as one of your underlings?
SIGN    A Lawless Town Tends to Attract  a Bunch of Whoohooey Folk
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[04:13] Shin
    It's freezing.
[04:15] Shin
    It's always so cold in the morning.
[04:20] Shin
    Who is she?
[04:21] Shin
    A drunk?
[04:22] Shin
    Uh, excuse me.
[04:24] Shin
    You'll catch a cold if you sleep here.
[04:26] Shin
    Excuse me.
[04:27] Shin
    Your snot has frozen.
[04:30] Pirako
    Yikes, it's a raid!
[04:33] Shin
    Wha-Wha-Wha--
[04:34] Shin
    What are you doing?!
[04:36] Pirako
    Which gang are you from?
[04:38] Pirako
    If you try to lay a finger on my Bro,
[04:40] Pirako
    I'll make some bright red flowers.
[04:42] Shin
    What are you babbling about?!
[04:44] Shin
    Wait a moment here!
[04:45] Shin
    Wait!
[04:51] Kagura
    It's too early for all this noise.
SIGN    Snack Otose
[04:54] Pirako
    I am the newest member of the
    Odd Jobs gang, Pirako Chin.
[04:59] Pirako
    It is an honor to meet
    the big boss Otose.
[05:03] Pirako
    I apologize for my behavior earlier.
[05:05] Pirako
    I didn't realize that you were
    the Bro's number one underling.
[05:09] Pirako
    I'll make up for it by
    cutting off my pinky.
[05:13] Gin
    Hey, what the hell are you doing?
[05:16] Gin
    I have nothing to do
    with organized crime.
[05:17] Gin
    And I don't want any underlings.
[05:19] Gin
    And I told you to get lost already!
[05:21] Gin
    You damn punk girl!
[05:22] Pirako
    You're tearing out my hair!
[05:23] Pirako
    The two of us can become the bosses
[05:26] ---
    of the underworld, Bro!
[05:28] Gin
    When did I ever say that I
    wanted to be Darth Vader!
[05:30] Shin
    What's with her?
[05:30] Pirako
    Please! I have nowhere else to go!
[05:34] Otose
    You come from a gang?
[05:37] Otose
    I've heard rumors.
[05:38] Otose
    The Uekibachi gang was having a
[05:40] ---
    business quarrel with Jirocho's people.
[05:43] Otose
    When a fight broke out,
    there was a crazy girl who
[05:46] ---
    took out the whole lot by herself.
[05:49] Otose
    Her name was Pirako the killer.
[05:52] Gin
    Huh?! A killer?!
[05:54] Gin
    This little twit?!
[05:55] Shin
    This little girl works
    for the underworld?!
[05:58] Pirako
    It's nothing to brag about.
[06:00] Pirako
    I just happen to be good
    at decorating with flowers.
[06:03] Pirako
    Did you know?
[06:05] Pirako
    The more evil someone is,
[06:06] ---
    the more beautiful a flower they make.
[06:08] Pirako
    And when I cut them up more, the
    flowers are redder and prettier!
[06:11] Shin
    Uh, I'm very sorry.
[06:13] Shin
    I didn't mean to call you a little girl.
[06:15] Gin
    You said you have nowhere to go?
[06:16] Gin
    What happened to your former employers?
[06:18] Pirako
    They're dead.
[06:20] Pirako
    They were jumped by the Jirocho gang
[06:22] Pirako
    and turned into a lovely garden.
[06:24] Pirako
    There was a nice man
    there who took me in,
[06:26] Pirako
    and I always did what I was told,
[06:28] Pirako
    so I don't know what to do now.
[06:30] Pirako
    But I only know how to
    decorate with flowers.
[06:34] Pirako
    That's why I'm here.
[06:36] Pirako
    I'm here to turn the
    town where Jirocho is...
[06:38] Pirako
    To turn the Kabuki District into a
    garden of bright red flower garden!
[06:45] Pirako
    Hey, hey, hey!
[06:46] Pirako
    The Bro is passin' through!
[06:48] Kagura
    Whatcha lookin' at, twerps? Eh?!
[06:51] Pirako
    You wanna make something of it?!
[06:53] Kagura
    Wanna make something of it?!
[06:55] Shin
    This is bad. Very bad.
[06:56] Shin
    We've picked up a really dangerous girl.
[06:58] Shin
    She said she's going to turn the
    Kabuki District into a flower garden.
[07:00] Shin
    She means a sea of blood, doesn't she?
[07:02] Shin
    She wants to use your strength
    to get revenge on Jirocho.
[07:06] Gin
    I-It'll be okay.
[07:08] Pirako
    Hey! Wanna fight?
[07:08] Gin
    She's a killer, but she's just a girl.
[07:11] Gin
    She can't be stupid enough
    to take on the big boss...
[07:13] Pirako
    Look here, Bro!
[07:15] Pirako
    Pretty flowers!
[07:17] Gin
    See?
[07:17] Gin
    She looks like a perfectly normal girl
[07:19] Gin
    who happens to like flowers...
[07:21] Pirako
    Gran, you been payin' all your fees?
[07:23] Kagura
    Eh?!
[07:24] Gin
    Don't make threats with
    a smile on your face!
[07:27] Pirako
    A gang needs money to run.
[07:31] Pirako
    In return, we provide security.
[07:33] Gin
    They're looking for security from us!
[07:36] Gin
    Now listen to me.
[07:37] Gin
    If you want to join Odd Jobs,
[07:39] ---
    forget all that dark side stuff.
[07:41] Gin
    You aren't Darth Vader.
[07:43] Gin
    You're just an ordinary girl.
[07:45] Gin
    You aren't Pirako Chin.
[07:47] Gin
    From now on, you're Birako Man.
[07:49] Shin
    What kind of name is that?!
[07:50] Pirako
    Understood.
[07:51] Pirako
    I'm Birabirako Man.
[07:53] Shin
    No, you have an extra "bira" in there!
[07:54] Shin
    Could you stop that?!
[07:55] Kagura
    Hey, there's a cute
    cake place over there!
[07:57] Kagura
    You can learn how to be a girl
    there, Birabirabirabirako Man!
[08:02] Shin
    Enough with the "birabira" already!
[08:03] Pirako
    This is kind of embarrassing.
[08:06] Pirako
    I've never been in a
    place like this before.
[08:08] Pirako
    Do I stand out?
[08:09] Gin
    Not at all.
[08:11] Kagura
    You look perfectly natural here!
[08:13] Shin
    You guys stand out like sore thumbs.
[08:15] Shin
    Don't worry about it,
    Birabirabirabirako-san.
[08:18] Shin
    You look like a very normal...
[08:20] Shin
    No, a very cute girl.
[08:22] Pirako
    Huh?
[08:23] Shin
    You should drop the gangster act.
[08:25] Shin
    It's such a waste.
[08:26] Shin
    Oh, sorry about trying
    to boss you around.
[08:29] Shin
    Come on, what are you doing?
[08:31] Shin
    Eat your cake.
[08:32] Shin
    If you don't eat your cake, I'll eat it.
[08:38] Pirako
    A cockroach was chewing on my cake.
[08:40] Pirako
    It's too dirty for me to eat.
[08:43] Pirako
    What are you going to
    do about this, dammit?
[08:45] Shin
    Hey! Are you saying I'm a cockroach?!
[08:47] Pirako
    I'm actually kind of a clean freak.
[08:49] Pirako
    Gangster stuff aside.
[08:51] Shin
    Gangster stuff aside?!
SIGN    Morimioto Candy
[08:52] Shin
    So you just hate me, period?!
[08:55] Gin
    No sweat. That wasn't your fault.
[08:56] Kagura
    Nothing wrong there.
[08:57] Kagura
    That's how a normal girl would react.
[08:58] Shin
    Why are you defending her?!
[09:00] Shin
    Don't make it sound like every
    single girl is anti-Shinpachi!
[09:03] Gin
    If you act gangster again,
     you get another "bira" tacked on.
[09:06] Gin
    At least your name will feel more girly,
[09:08] ---
    Birabirabirabirabirako Man.
[09:10] Shin
    How is that name girly?!
[09:11] Shin
    It makes her sound like
    a "birabira" monster!
[09:13] Shin
    Enough already!
[09:15] Kagura
    Hey, there's a cute
    dried fish place, !
[09:18] Shin
    Watch your mouth!
[09:19] Kagura*
    Whoa, look at this, Birako Man!
[09:21] Kagura
    They're all dried! They're all hard!
[09:23] Shin
    And wait, you're just taking
[09:23] Pirako
    Ooh, it's so cute!
[09:25] ---
    her to the places you want to go!
[09:26] Pirako
    Why is it so dry?
[09:27] Shin
    What's so girly about dried fish?!
[09:30] Pirako
    Bro!
[09:31] Pirako
    Oh, sorry...
[09:34] B
    Bro! What's wrong?!
[09:36] A
    It's broken!
[09:37] A
    The impact broke it!
[09:40] Shin
    Here comes the real thing!
[09:42] Shin
    This is bad.
[09:42] B
    Hey, girl!
[09:43] Shin
    We were making progress,
[09:43] B
    Whatcha gonna do about this?
[09:44] ---
    but they're going to stimulate
    her gangster blood.
[09:45] Kagura
    Gran, give me some sukonbu.
[09:47] Shin
    If they're from Jirocho's faction...
[09:49] Gin
    Bah, can't help it.
[09:52] Shin
    Gin-san! No violence!
[09:54] Gin
    I know.
[09:55] Gin
    I'll settle this in a mature
    and gentlemanly fashion.
[09:59] Gin
    Excuse me, did my friend
    do something wrong?
[10:02] A
    Huh? Who are you?
[10:05] Pirako
    B-Bro!
[10:06] Pirako
    What's wrong?
[10:07] Gin
    I-It's broken...
[10:09] Gin
    Th-The pat on the shoulder
    shattered all of my bones!
[10:13] Shin
    You're doing the exact same thing!
[10:15] A
    What do you mean, pat on the shoulder?
[10:17] A
    You're the one who patted
    me on the shoulder!
[10:19] Pirako
    So, what are you going to do about this?
[10:22] Shin
    Hey!
[10:23] Shin
    You're making it worse!
[10:25] Kagura
    That won't do! Calm down, Birako!
[10:27] Gran
    Here's your change.
[10:29] Shin
    Why are you pretending
    to break your bones?!
[10:32] Gin
    Uh, you broke your arm,
[10:34] Gin
    while two of us broke all of our bones.
[10:36] Gin
    Can we call it even?
[10:38] A
    You broke your own bones!
[10:40] A
    That girl wasn't anywhere near us!
[10:43] B
    Bro, that's enough.
[10:45] B
    He's the one who's with Otose...
[10:47] A
    What?
[10:49] A
    Oh...
[10:50] A
    He's the one who took
    on Big Bro Katsuo...
[10:53] Shin
    Katsuo Kurogoma...
[10:54] Shin
    So they belong to Jirocho's gang.
[10:56] Gin
    All of my bones have been broken...
[10:59] Gin
    Could you let this one slide?
[11:01] B
    B-Bro, we should go...
[11:02] A
    I'll let you go today.
[11:06] A
    Now come with me.
[11:07] Pirako
    Huh?
[11:08] A
    I don't have any business with him,
[11:09] A
    but I'll need you to pay up
[11:12] A
    by using that body of yours...
[11:15] Pirako
    N-No! Bro!
[11:17] Shin
    Please wait a moment!
[11:18] A
    Stop struggling!
[11:20] A
    You damn bitch!
[11:23] A
    Huh?
[11:24] A
    I thought your bones were all broken?
[11:27] Gin
    And your arm?
[11:28] Gin
    It seems to be in...
[11:31] Gin
    ...terrible shape!
[11:35] Shin
    N-Now he's done it!
SIGN    Matsuo to Kiyoshi
[11:40] B
    Bro!
[11:41] B
    Snap out of it, Bro!
[11:43] Shin
    Wha-Wha--
[11:43] B
    Bro!
[11:44] B
    Wake up, Bro!
[11:45] Shin
    What the hell are you doing?!
[11:47] Shin
    Why did you make the first move?!
[11:49] Gin
    Well, he was taking advantage
    of my gracious behavior.
[11:53] Gin
    I just gave him a little flick.
[11:54] Shin
    The hell you did!
[11:55] Shin
    You sent him flying through the air!
[11:56] Pirako
    You rule, Bro!
[11:58] Pirako
    I think I'm in love.
[11:59] Pirako
    Now we have no choice but to
    fight it out with Jirocho.
[12:03] Pirako
    Together, we can make
    lots of red flowers
[12:05] ---
    and become the bosses of Japan.
[12:09] Gin
    Damn it!
[12:10] Gin
    You tricked me!
[12:12] B
    Bastards!
[12:12] Gin
    That's not funny!
[12:13] B
    You won't get away with this!
[12:14] Gin
    I'm not gonna pick a fight with Jirocho!
[12:15] B
    This means war!
[12:16] Gin
    I ain't gonna fight a war!
[12:18] Shin
    Gin-san! You're starting
    the war as we speak!
[12:21] Gin
    Pipe down!
[12:22] Gin
    Calm yourself!
[12:23] Gin
    Calm yourself and look
    around for Dryaemon.
[12:25] Shin
    You need to calm down!
[12:26] Kagura
    It's okay, Ginta-kun!
[12:28] Kagura
    I have just what you need!
[12:29] Kagura
    Ready-mix concrete!
[12:32] Shin
    What are you going to do with that?!
[12:33] Kagura
    Shut up!
SIGN    Matsuo to Kiyoshi
[12:34] Kagura
    If we stick Giannosuke
    and Suneorochimaru
[12:35] ---
    in here and toss it in the ocean,
[12:37] Kagura
    we can basically shut them up forever!
[12:40] Kagura
    Lady Shizuka will be yours!
[12:42] Shin
    Hell no!
[12:43] Shin
    You'll scare off Lady Shizuka!
[12:45] Katsuo
    Pops, give me the usual dog food...
[12:50] Katsuo
    Looks like a fight's going down.
[12:53] Katsuo
    What's...
SIGN    Kabuki District Council Meeting Room
[12:56] A
    We will now begin the Ka-Kabuki
    District Council Meeting.
SIGN    Kabuki District Clean Up Project
[13:01] A
    The topic today is separating trash...
[13:07] All
    Get lost, trash.
[13:08] A
    Yes!
[13:09] A
    Excuse me!
[13:17] Otose
    So what's this about?
SIGN    The Kabuki District's Empress Otose
[13:18] Otose
    Why did you call us here?
[13:20] Otose
    I don't recall ever failing
    to separate my trash.
[13:22] Saigo
    You just did.
[13:24] Saigo
    Why is this stinkin' garbage of a hag
SIGN    The Fierce and Divine Mademoiselle Saigo
[13:27] ---
    mixed in with us beauties?
[13:29] Otose
    You shouldn't be talking.
SIGN    Peacock Princess Kada
[13:32] Kada
    I'm glad to see that
    you haven't changed.
[13:35] Kada
    I apologize for taking up your time.
[13:38] Kada
    But you'll have to wait a little longer.
[13:39] Kada
    We're missing a member.
[13:41] Otose
    Jirocho?
[13:42] Otose
    There's no point.
[13:43] Otose
    It's been two or three years
    since he was last seen in public.
[13:47] Kada
    I was hoping to have all four
    Devas present for this discussion.
[13:51] Kada
    I called you here for one reason.
[13:55] Kada
    You are probably aware that
[13:57] ---
    the town has grown tense
    the past few years.
[14:01] Kada
    If nothing is done,
    a war will break out.
[14:04] Kada
    I'm sure that nobody wishes
    for that to happen.
[14:08] Saigo
    Listen to yourself.
[14:09] Saigo
    You and Jirocho are the
    ones making a splash.
[14:13] Saigo
    It used to be that the casinos
[14:15] ---
    in this town were run by Jirocho's gang.
[14:17] Saigo
    But then you built a casino here.
[14:21] Kada
    The same could be said of you, Saigo.
[14:24] Kada
    I've heard tales
[14:26] Kada
    that you're sheltering Joi
    patriots and rogue warriors.
[14:29] Saigo
    Huh?
[14:30] Kada
    Your soldiers may be dressed oddly,
[14:32] Kada
    but each one of them is quite strong.
[14:35] Kada
    You plan on using their strength
[14:37] ---
    to create an empire of trannies...
[14:39] Saigo
    What are you talking about?
[14:41] Saigo
    I'm offering a home to those
    who have no place to go.
[14:44] Kada
    But the fact remains that
    you've repeatedly refused
[14:47] ---
    to accept the demands of Jirocho's gang.
[14:51] Kada
    And Otose...
[14:53] Otose
    I have no interest in your stupid fight,
[14:55] ---
    and I'll have none of it.
[14:58] Kada
    You may have no interest,
[14:59] ---
    but you've always held great
    influence in this town.
[15:02] Kada
    I've heard that you listen to the
[15:04] ---
    problems of your customers
    and offer counseling.
[15:07] Kada
    And your pawns in that
    sketchy Odd Jobs group
[15:11] ---
    provide the necessary assistance.
[15:13] Kada
    They've been running wild
    across our territory.
[15:17] Otose
    I never knew that I had
    pawns I could order around.
[15:21] Otose
    And I never knew that this town
[15:24] ---
    had been divided up into territories.
[15:29] Otose
    This town doesn't belong to anyone.
[15:32] Otose
    We just live our lives here.
[15:36] Otose
    That's all.
[15:39] Kada
    However, some are not satisfied by that.
[15:42] Kada
    These days, we are
    known as the Four Devas
[15:45] ---
    who work together to run this town,
[15:48] Kada
    but didn't it all begin with the
[15:52] ---
    rise of a new faction,
    a king of hooligans?
[15:56] Kada
    There is no reason for us to fight.
[15:59] Kada
    After all,
[16:01] Kada
    isn't our enemy Jirocho?
[16:03] Jirocho
    I see how it is.
[16:05] Jirocho
    The three of you are teaming up
[16:08] ---
    to get rid of Jirocho, the obstacle.
[16:11] Otose
    Well, well.
[16:12] C
    Wait up!
[16:14] Shin
    It's over! This is war!
[16:16] Shin
    This is all-out war!
[16:18] Shin
    Gin-san!
[16:19] Shin
    This is out of control!
[16:21] Kagura
    Ginta-kun is off on a
    rendezvous with Lady Shizuka.
[16:24] Shin
    Huh?!
[16:24] Shin
    The bastard used us as decoys!
[16:27] Shin
    I'll get you for this!
[16:37] Pirako
    It looks like they're gone, Bro.
[16:40] Pirako
    Things are getting fun.
[16:43] Gin
    What's so fun about this?
[16:45] Gin
    Time to bust out an old cliche.
[16:48] Gin
    Revenge isn't fun for anyone.
[16:52] Gin
    I'm sure that your dead friends
[16:54] ---
    would want you to live
    like an ordinary girl
[16:56] Gin
    instead of letting revenge
    take over your life.
[17:01] Pirako
    Bro...
[17:03] Pirako
    Why do you keep talking about revenge?
[17:07] Gin
    Uh, wasn't your gang
    slaughtered by Jirocho?
[17:11] Gin
    So you want revenge...
[17:13] Pirako
    What are you talking about?
[17:15] Pirako
    My gang was crushed by Jirocho,
[17:17] Pirako
    but they're all alive.
[17:19] Gin
    Huh?
[17:20] Gin
    But you said they were
    turned into a flower garden.
[17:22] Pirako
    They quit the business
    to become farmers.
[17:25] Pirako
    They've planted a garden of red flowers.
[17:26] Pirako
    It's a pretty place.
[17:28] Pirako
    But it was boring, so I left.
[17:32] Gin
    Huh?!
[17:33] Gin
    Could you be any more misleading?!
[17:36] Gin
    We've been trying to subtly convince you
[17:39] ---
    to give up on revenge because
    of your dark past...
[17:43] Gin
    So wait?
[17:44] Gin
    Why are you here?
[17:48] Pirako
    Like I said,
[17:49] Pirako
    I'm here to decorate Jirocho
    and this town in red flowers.
[17:53] Gin
    Enough of that.
[17:54] Gin
    Give it to me straight.
[17:55] Pirako
    I mean exactly what I say.
[17:57] Pirako
    I'm here to help the great
    Jirocho bloom again.
[18:02] Pirako
    For that,
[18:03] ---
    I need the help of the strongest
    man in the Kabuki District!
[18:06] ---
    That's you, Bro!
[18:08] Gin
    Got it.
[18:09] Gin
    In other words, your
    mind is full of flowers,
[18:12] Gin
    and it's a waste of time
    to bother talking with you.
[18:15] Gin
    In that case, this is farewell...
[18:24] Pirako
    Bro, the bond between gang
    members isn't easily broken.
[18:30] Gin
    I don't have a bond with
    a plastic trash can!
[18:33] Gin
    The concrete's hard now!
[18:35] Gin
    This is all because you kept on talking!
[18:38] Gin
    What do we do?!
[18:39] Gin
    What's going to happen?!
[18:40] Katsuo
    Well, that's easy enough.
[18:42] Katsuo
    You get served the treatment
[18:45] Katsuo
    you were gonna deal.
[18:50] Saigo
    Y-You're...
[18:52] Jirocho
    Sorry to keep you waiting.
[18:55] Jirocho
    The obstacle's here.
[18:58] Saigo
    Jirocho...
[19:00] Jirocho
    Don't mind me.
[19:01] Jirocho
    Carry on.
[19:04] Jirocho
    I believe the three of you were talking
    about teaming up to get rid of me?
[19:08] Kada
    We never said anything about that.
[19:11] Kada
    I simply mentioned that our wish
    to avoid any pointless conflict
[19:14] Kada
    was being ruined by an
    unstoppable loose cannon.
[19:18] Jirocho
    I would take him out.
[19:20] Jirocho
    Some fools in this world
    can only be cured by death.
[19:24] Jirocho
    But I wouldn't arrange
    a meeting like this.
[19:28] Jirocho
    Look.
[19:29] Jirocho
    Your necks are all lined up
    within range of my blade.
[19:37] Jirocho
    One of the Peacock Princess's pets, huh?
[19:39] Kada
    Stand down.
[19:40] Kada
    He's merely joking.
[19:41] Jirocho
    No, he made the correct decision.
[19:44] Jirocho
    This pet was trained well to
    be able to detect my hostility.
[19:50] Jirocho
    Unfortunately, I'm getting old,
[19:53] Jirocho
    so I have trouble controlling
    my piss and my hostility.
[19:56] Jirocho
    I already sheathed my blade,
    but it keeps trickling out...
[20:00] Jirocho
    Case in point.
[20:02] Jirocho
    You didn't notice me taking you out.
[20:09] Kada
    I said to stop this!
[20:11] D
    What do you think you're
    doing to the boss?!
[20:13] D
    Take them!
[20:14] A
    You've shown your true colors!
[20:16] A
    We won't let you lay a finger on Mama!
[20:23] Saigo
    You were eavesdropping on a
    conversation between ladies?
[20:27] Saigo
    You bastards ready to have
    your balls ripped out?!
[20:31] Jirocho
    Stand down, boys.
[20:33] A
    Boss!
[20:38] Jirocho
    Ordinary humans have no place here.
[20:42] Otose
    Good grief.
[20:44] Otose
    How do you intend to
    stop these monsters?
[20:47] Otose
    If you have any ideas,
    I'd love to hear them.
[20:50] Kada
    As you saw, power can only
    be restrained by more power.
[20:56] Kada
    Here is my proposal.
[20:59] Kada
    The factions of the Four Devas are
[21:01] ---
    not allowed to engage
    in personal fights.
[21:04] Kada
    The faction which breaks this rule
[21:09] Kada
    will be crushed by the other three.
[21:14] Jirocho
    So in the end, it'll still be the three
[21:16] ---
    of you teaming up against me?
[21:20] Jirocho
    You think you can take
    my balls by teaming up?
[21:25] Kada
    Don't get the wrong idea.
[21:27] Kada
    This rule is to prevent
    further conflict.
[21:30] Otose
    The town will be a dull
    place if nobody can fight.
[21:34] Saigo
    If that's the only way to
    avoid a war, then so be it.
[21:40] Jirocho
    Are you sane?
[21:42] Jirocho
    Very well.
[21:44] Jirocho
    It'll be a test of endurance.
[21:47] Jirocho
    Try not to screw up before I do.
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Next Episode Preview
SIGN    Their past is revealed...
SIGN    A battle pitting Gintoki 
    against Jirocho...
SIGN    Ghosts Aren't the Only Ones  Who Run Wild Around Graveyards
[1:31:46] ---
    #Eyecatch

E211 - Ghosts Aren't the Only Ones Who Run Wild Around Graveyards
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Ghosts Aren't the Only Ones  Who Run Wild Around Graveyards
[01:37] A
    Boss!
[01:38] A
    You really sure about this?
[01:40] A
    If one faction causes trouble,
[01:42] ---
    the other three gang up to crush it?
[01:44] B
    It's obvious that they
    want to get rid of us!
[01:48] Jirocho
    I'd say that this saves time.
[01:51] Jirocho
    This is a chance to show them who the
[01:53] ---
    real king of the Kabuki District is.
[01:55] C
    But that means we'll have
    to deal with Otose...
[01:59] Jirocho
    My memory's been getting worse.
[02:02] Jirocho
    Who is this Otose person?
[02:06] B
    Idiot!
[02:07] B
    We're not supposed to mention the hag
[02:08] ---
    while the boss is around!
[02:10] Jirocho
    The vixen is not as much
    of a concern as the cub.
[02:14] Jirocho
    Focus on him.
[02:17] Jirocho
    Damn.
[02:18] Jirocho
    What is that kid doing?
[02:23] Otose
    You were dancing to her tune.
[02:26] Otose
    That's not like you.
[02:27] Otose
    Kada is using you to get rid of Jirocho,
[02:30] ---
    who's hurting her business.
[02:33] Saigo
    I just want to live peacefully
[02:35] ---
    in this town with my comrades.
[02:37] Saigo
    I'll dance a waltz or octopus
    dance if that's what it takes.
[02:41] Otose
    So you can clean up this
    town by eliminating him?
[02:45] Otose
    Even if that were true,
[02:47] Otose
    I could never bring
    myself to love a town
[02:49] ---
    that's neat and tidy.
[02:51] Saigo
    Spoken like a true trashy old hag.
[02:53] Saigo
    I believe that you're old friends
[02:54] ---
    with the trashy old geezer?
[02:56] Otose
    Haven't talked to him in over ten years.
[02:58] Otose
    Doesn't really matter if a
    dangerous old man dies or not.
[03:02] Otose
    But...
[03:04] Pirako
    I'm here to turn the town
[03:06] ---
    where Jirocho is into a garden.
[03:08] Otose
    The timing's too perfect.
[03:11] Katsuo
    Finally, it's time for payback.
[03:14] Katsuo
    Like I said before,
[03:16] Katsuo
    I always return the
    favor, seven for three.
[03:21] Gin
    Nobody parts their hair 7:3 anymore.
[03:23] Gin
    You should shave your head
[03:24] ---
    and opt for the bald look.
[03:26] Katsuo
    Up yours!
[03:27] Katsuo
    My hair is styled like Joe Odagiri!
[03:31] Katsuo
    Fashion trends come back in a cycle!
[03:33] Gin
    Hold on here.
[03:34] Gin
    I was egged on by this stupid girl.
[03:36] Gin
    I have no grudge against you, Joe Schmo.
[03:39] Katsuo
    Who are you calling Joe Schmo?!
[03:41] Katsuo
    Besides, that's not what
    my boy here told me.
[03:44] Katsuo
    I know what's going down.
[03:45] Katsuo
    You promised to
[03:46] ---
    help her decorate our
    boss with red flowers.
[03:49] Gin
    How do you know that?
[03:50] Katsuo
    Why don't you tell him what you really
[03:52] ---
    mean when you say red
    flowers, Pirako-han?
[03:55] Gin
    Uh, Pirako-chan?
[03:57] Gin
    U-Uh, are you...
[04:00] Pirako
    Bro, my boss was
[04:02] ---
    a relative of Jirocho,
    and an old friend.
[04:07] Pirako
    He used to tell me when I was young,
[04:10] Pirako
    about the great Jirocho,
    warrior among warriors.
[04:16] Boss
    The warriors you see around these days
[04:18] ---
    are just a bunch of wild hotheads.
[04:19] Boss
    But he was different.
[04:22] Boss
    He would save the weak
    and crush the strong.
[04:25] Boss
    He would only employ his strength
[04:26] ---
    for the sake of his particular justice.
[04:29] Boss
    That's what you call a true warrior.
[04:32] Pirako
    That's too hard for me to understand.
[04:35] Boss
    Sorry about that.
[04:36] Boss
    The more I talk, the less sense I make.
[04:40] Boss
    Basically, Jirocho was a flowery man.
[04:44] Boss
    That's probably what
    drew your mother to him.
[04:49] Boss
    Though the flowers in him
    died at some point...
[04:56] Pirako
    He abandoned his wife and child,
[04:58] Pirako
    and crushed his wife's
    family because of business.
[05:01] Pirako
    And now he's picking a stupid fight
[05:04] ---
    with a tranny and an old hag.
[05:09] Pirako
    I just want to see the old
    Jirocho one more time.
[05:14] Pirako
    To help him take the world...
[05:16] Pirako
    To help make some pretty
    flowers bloom in my old man.
[05:22] Gin
    Huh? What's she talking about?
[05:24] Gin
    That went completely over my head.
[05:26] Gin
    What? What?!
[05:28] Katsuo
    There you have it.
[05:29] Katsuo
    Pirako-han is...
[05:30] Katsuo
    No, the young lady is
[05:33] Katsuo
    Jirocho's daughter!
[05:35] Katsuo
    To be precise, she's the daughter of the
[05:37] ---
    missus who divorced the boss
    and went back to her family.
[05:39] Gin
    Bullshit!
[05:40] Gin
    Help your old man take the world?!
[05:42] Gin
    That's the complete opposite of revenge!
[05:45] Pirako
    Isn't that what I said?
[05:47] Pirako
    I'm here to decorate him with flowers.
[05:48] Gin
    You were talking about making
    me the big boss of Japan!
[05:52] Gin
    You were trying to
    make me fight Jirocho!
[05:54] Pirako
    Yakuza grow stronger by recruiting
    the people they beat.
[05:59] Pirako
    My old man can take the
    world if the strongest
[06:01] ---
    man in the Kabuki
    district is on his side.
[06:03] Pirako
    Once you're the big boss,
[06:05] ---
    my old man will be the big, big boss!
[06:07] B
    Young lady, it's settled.
[06:10] Pirako
    Bro, the Jirocho gang will
    be making their move now.
[06:14] Pirako
    Do you know what's happened?
[06:16] Pirako
    There's a law in this lawless town now.
[06:19] Pirako
    If any faction starts a fight,
[06:22] Pirako
    the other Devas will crush them.
[06:25] Pirako
    The first victim will probably be
[06:27] ---
    the boss of a certain someone
[06:29] Pirako
    who picked a fight with the Jirocho gang
[06:30] Pirako
    over a helpless little girl, Otose.
[06:33] Pirako
    But it's your call to make, Bro.
[06:36] Pirako
    Please join us!
[06:38] Pirako
    Or else we'll have to
    drop you in the ocean,
[06:41] Pirako
    and Otose will be targeted by
    everyone in the Kabuki district!
[06:45] Gin
    Hey, I'm guessing that's
    supposed to be a threat,
[06:48] Gin
    but if you kill me here,
[06:49] ---
    you'll be considered the aggressors.
[06:52] Katsuo
    You an idiot?
[06:54] Katsuo
    Why do you think we put on a show
[06:56] ---
    in the middle of town?!
[06:58] Katsuo
    We got plenty of witnesses!
[07:00] Gin
    You're the idiots!
[07:01] Gin
    The Four Devas aren't gonna
    move because of a little spat!
[07:04] Gin
    A death is far more serious!
[07:07] Gin
    Die, baldie!
[07:07] Gin
    Go bald down your parted hair line!
[07:09] Gin
    Go bald all over your body!
[07:09] Katsuo
    I ain't gonna go bald!
[07:10] Katsuo
    Every week, I part my
    hair to the opposite side
[07:12] ---
    to avoid excessive damage to my scalp!
[07:15] Katsuo
    I ain't like Sanshi Katsura!
[07:19] Pirako
    If that's not enough, how's this?
[07:23] Pirako
    We'll say that you killed
    our young leader here,
[07:25] ---
    and we killed you for revenge.
[07:27] Katsuo
    Huh? No way...
[07:35] All
    Bro!
[07:36] Pirako
    Is your boss the guy
    with the parted hair?
[07:39] Pirako
    Or is it Jirocho?
[07:41] D
    B-But...
[07:42] Pirako
    If you move, I'll turn
    you all into flowers.
[07:48] Pirako
    Got it, Bro?
[07:50] Pirako
    I'm serious.
[07:52] Gin
    D-Damn you!
[07:58] F
    Bastard!
[07:59] F
    He jumped into the water
    with the concrete!
[08:00] D
    Is he trying to escape?!
[08:02] Pirako
    Nope.
[08:03] Pirako
    He went to save him.
[08:05] F
    That's stupid!
[08:06] F
    He can't move!
[08:07] F
    And why would he save Bro?!
[08:09] Pirako
    Yes, he's stupid.
[08:11] Pirako
    I was very surprised.
[08:14] Pirako
    But that's why I wanted him on our side.
[08:18] Pirako
    But he also chose the old hag.
[08:22] Pirako
    Pity.
[08:24] Pirako
    Bye-bye, Bro.
[08:27] Kada
    Pity.
[08:29] Kada
    I came up with this
    plan so the three of us
[08:32] ---
    could deal with Jirocho,
[08:34] Kada
    but I never would have
    expected Otose to...
[08:37] Agomi
    Don't be ridiculous!
[08:39] Agomi
    Otose-san would never...
[08:40] Agomi
    Pako would never do anything like that!
[08:42] Agomi
    We know how gentle they are!
[08:46] A
    Calm down, Assmi!
[08:48] Agomi
    Don't call me Assmi!
[08:48] Agomi
    It's Azumi, damn it!
[08:50] Saigo
    Shut the hell up, Ass!
[08:53] Agomi
    Could you add the "mi"?
[08:55] Agomi
    You can call me Assmi as
    long as the "mi" is there.
[09:00] Saigo
    It looks like we were the only ones
[09:03] ---
    serious about stopping this conflict.
[09:06] Saigo
    When did you make a deal with Jirocho?
[09:09] Jirocho
    You think I would make
    a deal with that vixen?
[09:14] Jirocho
    Were you pushed by the kid?
[09:17] Jirocho
    No, were you the one who pushed the kid?
[09:20] Saigo
    Don't play dumb!
[09:22] Saigo
    They might be rotten to the core,
[09:26] ---
    but they aren't dirty like you people!
[09:28] Pirako
    That's enough.
[09:30] Pirako
    You should stop that, Saigo-san.
[09:32] Pirako
    It's not nice to whine
    and go back on your word.
[09:34] Pirako
    Pleasure to meet you.
[09:36] Pirako
    I'm Jirocho's daughter, Pirako Doromizu.
[09:41] Saigo
    Jirocho's...
[09:43] Pirako
    I have a question for you, Saigo-san.
[09:46] Pirako
    Do you have any
[09:47] ---
    proof that Otose-san
    hasn't done anything?
[09:50] Saigo
    My proof is the fact
    that you have no proof.
[09:53] Saigo
    Why would Otose pick
    a fight with Jirocho?
[09:57] Saigo
    And now of all times?
[09:59] Saigo
    There's obviously a conspiracy going on.
[10:02] Pirako
    Nobody would spend that
[10:04] ---
    much effort to kill an old hag.
[10:07] Pirako
    Besides, we have proof
[10:08] ---
    that Otose-san would pick
    a fight with my old man.
[10:11] Pirako
    There's a long history between them.
[10:15] Pirako
    Isn't that right, old man?
[10:17] Pirako
    Here it is.
[10:19] ---
    Otose-san's husband, Tatsugoro Terada,
[10:22] Pirako
    was killed by my old man.
[10:27] Pirako
    Oh? You didn't know?
[10:31] Pirako
    What about this?
[10:33] Pirako
    My old man and Tatsugoro-san
[10:35] ---
    were friends when they were young.
[10:37] Pirako
    But then they got into a
    fight over a certain girl.
[10:41] Pirako
    Tatsugoro-san was the
    one who won her over.
[10:44] Pirako
    I'm sure that my old man
    wasn't happy about it.
[10:47] ---
    Stop it...
[10:49] Pirako
    That's why he killed his old friend.
[10:51] Pirako
    So he could have the girl.
[10:53] Jirocho
    Stop it.
[10:54] Pirako
    Do you know why he abandoned his own
[10:57] Pirako
    wife and daughter to come to this town?
[11:00] Pirako
    That's because the girl,
    Otose-san, is here.
[11:06] Jirocho
    Didn't you hear me say to stop?
[11:11] Pirako
    See? It's just like I said.
[11:13] Pirako
    He cares more about Otose-san
    than his own daughter.
[11:17] Jirocho
    You came here just to tell me that?
[11:22] Jirocho
    Such a dutiful daughter.
[11:25] Pirako
    If what I'm saying isn't true,
[11:26] ---
    that should mean you can kill Otose-san.
[11:35] Pirako
    Are you running away?!
[11:38] Jirocho
    Saigo, don't worry.
[11:41] Jirocho
    Yakuza don't need trannies
    to clean up their mess.
[11:46] Jirocho
    You stay out of it.
[11:48] Jirocho
    I'll settle this myself.
[11:50] Saigo
    Wait!
[11:51] Saigo
    I'm not done talking...
[11:54] Pirako
    I'll spare you this one time,
    since you kept whining.
[11:59] Pirako
    Could you shut up now?
[12:02] Saigo
    How am I supposed to shut u--
[12:03] Kada
    Have you forgotten?
[12:05] Kada
    If you go back on your word,
[12:07] ---
    we'll have to eliminate you as well.
[12:09] Kada
    When laying siege to a castle,
[12:11] ---
    what would you target first?
[12:14] Kada
    The weakest spot in the wall.
[12:17] Kada
    A seasoned soldier like yourself
    should be aware of this.
[12:19] Agomi
    M-Mama!
[12:22] Agomi
    Te-Teru-kun is... Teru-kun is...!
[12:25] Saigo
    Damn you!
SIGN    Snack Otose
[12:30] Otose
    I see.
[12:32] Otose
    Very well.
[12:37] Otose
    Don't worry.
[12:39] Otose
    That was Gintoki.
[12:40] Otose
    It seems that Pirako is safe.
[12:43] Otose
    They learned about the
    new rule right before
[12:45] ---
    they were about to take
    on Jirocho's gang.
[12:47] Otose
    Apparently, they were able
    to talk things through.
[12:50] Shin
    That's a relief.
[12:52] Shin
    I was worried that we would be too late.
[12:54] Kagura
    They kept us worried this whole time.
[12:55] Kagura
    What are they doing?!
[12:57] Otose
    I appreciate everything you've done.
[12:59] Otose
    You haven't eaten since
    yesterday, right?
[13:01] Shin
    Now that you mention it, I'm starting
    to feel hungry now that everything's okay.
[13:04] Otose
    Want to grab something to eat?
[13:05] Kagura
    Can we?
[13:06] Catherine
    Yakiniku!
[13:07] Catherine
    We must have yakiniku!
[13:08] Catherine
    At a really expensive place!
[13:09] Kagura
    Stupid!
[13:10] Kagura
    That won't fill my stomach!
[13:11] Kagura
    A buffet!
[13:12] Kagura
    At a place with ice cream!
[13:13] Tama
    Stop fighting.
[13:15] Tama
    Let's compromise by
    going to a gas station.
[13:17] Shin
    How is that a compromise?!
[13:20] Otose
    Go on ahead.
[13:21] Otose
    I'll join you once Gintoki
    and Pirako are back.
[13:24] Shin
    Please hurry.
[13:26] Shin
    We'll wait for you
    before we start eating.
[13:28] Kagura
    But the ice cream doesn't count, right?
[13:29] Kagura
    I can eat ice cream while
    we're waiting, right?
[13:36] Shin
    Didn't Otose-san seem a little strange?
[13:39] Kagura
    How?
[13:40] Catherine
    When she offers to buy someone dinner,
[13:41] ---
    there's usually a catch.
[13:43] Shin
    No, that's not what I meant...
[13:46] Shin
    Oh, sorry.
[13:48] Shin
    He's covered in blood!
[13:49] Shin
    Sorry!
[13:50] Shin
    Is this my fault?!
[13:51] Shin
    Is this my fault?!
[13:52] Shin
    Huh?
[13:53] Shin
    It's Katsuo-san...
[13:54] Kagura
    Hey! The bucket that
    just ran past us...!
[14:13] Gin
    Gran!
SIGN    Terada Family Grave
[14:25] Otose
    It's rare to see you here.
[14:28] Otose
    I'm assuming that you brought flowers.
[14:31] Jirocho
    Hell no.
[14:33] Jirocho
    Did you want me to bring
    flowers for you, Otose?
[14:37] Otose
    It's been years since
    you've spoken to me,
[14:40] Otose
    and that's all you have to say?
[14:42] Otose
    You never change.
[14:45] Otose
    If you lay me to rest
    next to my husband,
[14:49] Otose
    I suppose I can't complain.
[14:51] Jirocho
    I heard that you took care of my kid.
[14:54] Otose
    Save your thanks for that idiot.
[14:57] Otose
    Though apparently, that
    kid of yours got him good.
[15:01] Otose
    She's quite a dutiful daughter.
[15:04] Otose
    She came all the way here to clean
[15:06] ---
    this town for the sake of a
[15:08] ---
    stupid father who abandoned her.
[15:10] Otose
    We've both been dancing to
    the tune of a little kid.
[15:15] Otose
    The years haven't been kind to us.
[15:17] Otose
    Well, I suppose you knew
    what was happening.
[15:21] Otose
    The villain Jirocho
[15:23] ---
    can't go against the
    daughter he left in tears?
[15:28] Jirocho
    Otose...
[15:29] Jirocho
    Get out of this town.
[15:31] Jirocho
    This place will become
    a battlefield very soon.
[15:34] Jirocho
    It was gonna happen even if my
    kid didn't rush things along.
[15:38] Jirocho
    You'll only get in the way if you stay.
[15:41] Otose
    So you were planning on
    starting a war, period.
SIGN    Terada Family Grave
[15:46] Otose
    I would have hoped that
[15:47] ---
    you wouldn't say those
    words in his presence,
[15:49] ---
    even as a joke.
[15:51] Otose
    Policeman and vigilante.
[15:53] Otose
    The two of you were both
    protecting this town,
[15:56] ---
    despite your different positions,
[15:58] Otose
    but I suppose that was in the past.
[16:03] Otose
    Jirocho.
[16:04] Otose
    You went so far as to
    abandon your wife and child
[16:08] Otose
    so you could do this?
[16:14] Jirocho
    Times have changed.
[16:17] Jirocho
    A vigilante can't protect anything.
[16:21] Jirocho
    He died and left you behind.
[16:26] Jirocho
    Your methods are old-fashioned.
[16:29] Jirocho
    You're just a nuisance,
[16:31] Jirocho
    both you and Tatsugoro.
[16:33] Jirocho
    This town doesn't need you anymore.
[16:37] Jirocho
    This town belongs to me.
[16:40] Jirocho
    I'll give you one more chance.
[16:43] Jirocho
    Get out of this town.
[16:50] Otose
    I have a favor to ask.
[16:52] Otose
    They call me one of the Four Devas,
[16:56] Otose
    but I don't have any
    members in my faction.
SIGN    I'm sick of waiting for you to pay the rent. Take your fools and scram. Never come back to this town. --Otose
[17:00] Otose
    My life is all you need.
[17:03] Otose
    They serve no use at all.
[17:07] Otose
    They just happen to be my family.
[17:13] Jirocho
    Is that your answer?
[17:59] Jirocho
    You're Gintoki?
[18:01] Jirocho
    You were a step too late.
[18:03] Jirocho
    I buried her with her husband.
[18:07] Jirocho
    Funny how it works.
[18:10] Jirocho
    I believe that you were serving as her
[18:13] ---
    bodyguard to pay back a debt?
[18:15] Jirocho
    That's over now. Your job is done.
[18:20] Jirocho
    Scram.
[18:21] Jirocho
    I'll spare your life for her sake.
[18:29] Jirocho
    Ouch...
[18:31] Jirocho
    The hell was that?
[18:38] Jirocho
    Not bad, kid.
[18:40] ---
    You made me draw my sword.
[18:43] Jirocho
    But are you willing to let Otose's
    efforts to save your lives...
[18:49] Jirocho
    ...go to waste?
[19:07] Jirocho
    You're not being very reasonable.
[19:18] Jirocho
    It's over.
[19:32] Jirocho
    I heard that Otose was keeping
    a crazy monster around.
[19:37] Jirocho
    So you're the White Yaksha?
[19:39] Jirocho
    I never knew there was a freak like
    you following in my footsteps.
[19:42] Jirocho
    However...
[19:44] Jirocho
    A generation managed
[19:45] ---
    to survive the brutal
    battles of the Joi war.
[19:48] Jirocho
    There were plenty more
    like you out there.
[19:53] Jirocho
    Get lost, watchdog.
[19:55] Jirocho
    There's nothing for you to protect here.
[20:44] Gin
    Hey, Gran.
[20:45] Gin
    Are those manju?
[20:47] Gin
    Can I have some?
[20:49] Gin
    I'm starving to death here.
[20:53] Otose
    These belong to my husband.
[20:56] Otose
    Ask him.
[21:05] Otose
    What did my husband say?
[21:08] Gin
    Beats me.
[21:09] Gin
    The dead don't talk.
[21:11] Otose
    You're just asking for it.
[21:14] Otose
    Don't blame me if you get cursed.
[21:20] Gin
    The dead don't talk and
    they don't eat dango.
[21:24] Gin
    So I made a one-sided promise.
[21:31] Gin
    I won't forget this debt.
[21:33] Gin
    Your wife doesn't have
    that much longer to live,
[21:37] Gin
    but I'm going to protect
    her in your stead.
[21:50] Gin
    Gran...
SIGN    Next Episode Chains of a Warrior

E212 - Chains of a Warrior
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Chains of a Warrior
[01:36] Pirako
    We appreciate your cooperation.
[01:39] Pirako
    It won't be long before the Jirocho gang and Lady Kada control the Kabuki district.
[01:45] Kada
    Nonsense.
[01:47] Kada
    You're merely using me to help your father take over the world.
[01:51] Pirako
    I could say the same about you, Lady Kada.
[01:54] Pirako
    As a result, the collar around my old man's neck has been released.
[02:00] Pirako
    That old hag took away the flowers and freedom my father once had.
[02:04] Pirako
    I'm sure that my old man will now...
[02:05] Kada
    Pay more attention to you?
[02:08] Kada
    I have a feeling that you're the one who can breathe easy now.
[02:14] Kada
    You must be overjoyed to know that the woman who stole your father from you is dead.
[02:18] Pirako
    Man, this is why I hate women.
[02:21] Pirako
    They're always so suspicious.
[02:24] Pirako
    Anyway, I'll need you to take care of Saigo's kid.
[02:28] Pirako
    Who knows when that sheman will betray us?
[02:32] Kada
    Pirako...
[02:34] Kada
    Jirocho doesn't see you.
[02:38] Kada
    You can eliminate every obstacle in the way.
[02:41] Kada
    You can spend your entire life serving him.
[02:43] Kada
    He will never turn to you...
[02:44] Pirako
    Man...
[02:45] Pirako
    Could you cut it out, Lady Kada?
[02:48] Pirako
    If you don't shut your mouth, I'll have to make some flowers, you hag.
SIGN    Greater Edo Hospital
[03:07] Tama
    Madame Catherine, you should get some rest.
[03:10] Tama
    You have been standing there for two days.
[03:12] Tama
    I do not require any rest.
[03:14] Tama
    Shall I take your place, Madame Catherine?
[03:17] Shin
    Kagura-chan, shouldn't you get some rest too?
[03:20] Kagura
    I'm not skanky enough to go to sleep in someone else's house.
[03:23] Kagura
    Besides...
[03:25] Kagura
    What if I wake up to find out she's...
[03:28] Shin
    She'll be fine.
[03:29] Shin
    I'm sure she'll be fine.
[03:31] Shin
    You should go home and get some rest.
[03:33] Shin
    She would be upset if she learned that everyone was ruining their health.
[03:37] Saigo
    You have no home to return to.
[03:40] Saigo
    There's no place for you here.
[03:43] Shin
    Saigo-san!
[03:44] Saigo
    That fool.
[03:46] Saigo
    I kept telling her to escape...
[03:48] Shin
    Saigo-san...
[03:49] Shin
    Was that phone call...?
[03:52] Saigo
    I'm not going to apologize.
[03:55] Saigo
    There was nothing I could do.
[03:57] Saigo
    And there's nothing I can do now.
[04:00] Saigo
    The day after tomorrow...
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan Snack Otose
[04:02] Saigo
    Your place will be destroyed by the Four Devas.
[04:09] Saigo
    The day after tomorrow.
[04:10] Saigo
    You have until then to pack up and leave this town.
[04:14] Shin
    Wh-Why is this happening?!
[04:16] Saigo
    Didn't you hear me?
[04:17] Saigo
    There's no place for you here in this town.
[04:20] Saigo
    The entire Kabuki district is against you.
[04:25] Gin
    Did they take your kid hostage?
[04:27] Shin
    Gin-san...
[04:28] Saigo
    They appear to be testing me.
[04:32] Saigo
    There are things I'll do anything to protect.
[04:37] Shin
    Saigo-san...
[04:38] Saigo
    Pako, can you take care of them?
[04:42] Gin
    Don't worry.
[04:43] Gin
    I'm closing up shop.
[04:46] Gin
    The rest is up to you.
[04:48] Catherine
    You bastard!
[04:50] Catherine
    Otose-san was left for dead!
[04:51] Catherine
    Her bar was destroyed!
[04:53] Catherine
    And you're just gonna turn tail and run?!
[04:55] Gin
    You're telling me to fight?
[04:57] Gin
    Don't make me laugh.
[04:58] Gin
    I couldn't even take Jirocho one-on-one.
[05:00] Catherine
    When did you become so pathetic?!
[05:02] Catherine
    Damn you, Sakata!
[05:04] Catherine
    If you're gonna leave, you can leave by yourself!
[05:07] Catherine
    I won't! I won't...!
[05:09] Gin
    Do you know why Gran went by herself?
[05:13] Gin
    To protect us.
[05:15] Gin
    If you still insist on dying,
[05:17] Gin
    you're free to stay behind and get yourself killed.
[05:19] Gin
    Odd Jobs and Gran's bar are being closed down.
[05:23] Gin
    We're just strangers now.
[05:25] Gin
    Free to do as we please.
[05:27] Gin
    I'll be doing just that.
[05:30] Kagura
    Wait!
[05:30] Shin
    Gin-san!
[05:32] Gin
    Sorry.
[05:34] Gin
    I doubt I can protect anything now...
[05:39] Shin
    Gin-san...
[05:42] Kagura
    Master Gintoki...
SIGN    Kabuki District 1st Street
[05:48] A
    Doesn't it feel like there aren't many people around these days?
[05:51] B
    Didn't you know?
[05:52] B
    There's a war brewing around these parts.
[05:55] A
    A war?
[05:56] B
    The factional rivalry between the Four Devas is heating up.
[05:59] B
    Everybody's too scared to come near this town.
[06:02] A
    Is it really that dangerous?
[06:04] A
    We've managed to survive everything that's come before.
[06:06] A
    This is no different.
SIGN    Puppet House
[06:07] C
    But there are rumors that Otose's dead.
[06:10] D
    What?!
[06:11] E
    She got in a fight with Jirocho's gang.
[06:13] E
    And it sounds like Katsuo, one of their young leaders, also died.
[06:17] A
    But there's this rookie who's filling in for Katsuo.
[06:22] A
    I heard that she persuaded Kada and Saigo to help crush Otose-san.
[06:26] E
    I still owe her for lending me money when I was in debt.
[06:31] G
    I owe her for helping me out when I got in a fight with my wife.
[06:34] B
    Why don't you go protect Otose-san's bar then?
[06:37] H
    Don't be stupid. I'd be throwing my life away.
[06:40] I
    In this town, the wicked live longer than the kind.
[06:45] J
    Who knows when the three remaining Devas will turn on one another...
[06:47] K
    It's probably time to get out of this town.
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan Snack Otose
[06:55] Tama
    The Kabuki District, a town which accepts the clean and unclean.
[06:59] Tama
    I was unable to predict that we would be chased out of this town.
[07:06] Tama
    Madame Otose loved this town of good and evil.
[07:10] Tama
    But now, we can never...
[07:12] Catherine
    Why must we abandon Otose's bar? Our bar...
[07:17] Shin
    Don't say that.
[07:21] Shin
    If we die, Otose-san will have risked her life for nothing.
[07:26] Shin
    Otose-san will be moved out of the Kabuki district hospital tomorrow.
[07:30] Shin
    We'll be able to visit her every day.
[07:33] Shin
    Anyway, we'll have to stay away from the Kabuki district.
[07:36] Shin
    As long as we're alive, we can always start...
[07:42] Shin
    Start over...
[07:44] Shin
    S-Start...
[07:49] Shin
    Huh? That's strange...
[07:53] Shin
    Why am I crying?
[07:56] Shin
    Huh?
[08:12] Katsuo
    So you couldn't take on the Four Devas.
[08:16] Katsuo
    I didn't think our boss would actually attack Otose.
[08:21] Katsuo
    You probably thought you could calm things down by saving my life, but tough luck.
[08:27] Katsuo
    Nobody can stop this war.
[08:31] Gin
    Don't get the wrong idea.
[08:34] Gin
    I wasn't trying to save your life.
[08:36] Gin
    I just needed you to spill your guts.
[08:39] Gin
    Let's get those guts out of you.
[08:40] Katsuo
    What?! What do you wanna know?!
[08:43] Gin
    Why were you surprised that Jirocho attacked Gran?
[08:47] Katsuo
    You didn't know?
[08:49] Katsuo
    The boss and Otose have known each other since they were kids.
[08:52] Katsuo
    You could say they were childhood friends.
[08:55] Katsuo
    The boss was a pretty naughty kid,
[08:57] Katsuo
    but Otose was there to straighten him out every time he tried something.
[09:02] Katsuo
    Even after he got into organized crime,
[09:05] Katsuo
    Otose was the only one who stood by him and tried to straighten him out.
[09:10] Katsuo
    As a result, the boss became a vigilante who was popular enough to be considered a leader of the town.
[09:17] Katsuo
    Jirocho, man among men, would never have existed without Otose.
[09:21] Katsuo
    At the time, nobody could defeat the boss in a fight.
[09:24] Katsuo
    But, there was one man who managed to triumph over the boss once.
[09:31] Katsuo
    Tatsugoro Terada, a cop who was also a leader of the town
[09:35] Katsuo
    and Otose's husband.
[09:37] Katsuo
    A man who was strong in a fight and stuck to his ideals.
[09:41] Katsuo
    Everyone had to love him.
[09:44] Katsuo
    Cop and vigilante.
[09:46] Katsuo
    They got in a fight once because of their different positions,
[09:49] Katsuo
    but they both fought to protect their town.
[09:52] Katsuo
    It wasn't long before they became friends.
[09:56] Katsuo
    But there was one problem.
[09:59] Katsuo
    They were in love with the same woman.
[10:05] Katsuo
    The boss backed down because he wanted Otose to be happy,
[10:10] Katsuo
    since he figured a vigilante wouldn't be able to provide that happiness.
[10:14] Katsuo
    But Tatsugoro got himself killed, which left Otose alone.
[10:19] Katsuo
    And he died in the middle of a battle,
[10:22] Katsuo
    taking a bullet that was meant for the boss.
SIGN    Doromizu Gang
[10:26] Katsuo
    When the boss returned from the war, his wife and daughter were waiting for him.
[10:33] Katsuo
    But the boss paid no attention to his daughter.
[10:37] Katsuo
    He was willing to do anything, no matter how underhanded it was, for the sake of business.
[10:42] Katsuo
    He said that he didn't have the right to be a father or a vigilante.
[10:48] Katsuo
    Who was it, what was it, that drove the boss to give up all he had to stay in this town?
[10:55] Katsuo
    Now that he's struck down the old lady, I'm not really sure.
[11:00] Katsuo
    That said, I'm one of them.
[11:02] Katsuo
    If it's for the boss who took me in, or his daughter,
[11:06] Katsuo
    I'm willing to have a hole in my gut.
[11:09] Katsuo
    That's my duty.
[11:12] Katsuo
    But was this really the right thing to do?
[11:17] Katsuo
    Will this really make them happy?
[11:22] Gin
    They're never gonna be happy...
[11:25] Gin
    ...'cause I'm gonna crush them.
[11:27] Katsuo
    So you were putting on a show for the kids.
[11:29] Katsuo
    You don't stand a chance by yourself.
[11:32] Gin
    I can't go back on my word.
[11:35] Gin
    Joe Schmo, take care of Gran.
[11:37] Katsuo
    What?! Why?!
[11:38] Gin
    You always return the favor, seven for three.
[11:42] Otose
    Shouldn't you stay here to watch this old woman pass on?
[11:50] Otose
    Gintoki...
[11:52] Otose
    I don't want to see...
[11:55] Otose
    ...you die.
[12:01] Gin
    Gran, I promise to pay off the rent.
[12:04] Gin
    So sit tight.
[12:10] Pirako
    How did it feel to cut down the woman you loved?
[12:16] Jirocho
    How did it feel to manipulate a bunch of old men and women?
[12:21] Pirako
    That's harsh.
[12:23] Pirako
    I did it all for your sake.
[12:26] Jirocho
    Next, you'll have Saigo destroy Otose's bar.
[12:30] Jirocho
    What a waste of time...
[12:33] Jirocho
    Did that vixen put you up to it?
[12:36] Pirako
    Of course not.
[12:38] Pirako
    This is part of the plan.
[12:40] Pirako
    There are many people left in this town who were involved with Otose.
[12:44] Pirako
    We'll use this chance to flush them out.
[12:47] Pirako
    Saigo happens to be one of them.
[12:49] Jirocho
    Will it really work?
[12:53] Jirocho
    And you don't need to worry. The old woman's buddies aren't in this town anymore.
[13:00] Jirocho
    The watchdog's chains have been snapped.
[13:03] Pirako
    You intend to keep your promise to not harm anyone else?
[13:08] Pirako
    It's no use.
[13:10] Pirako
    That person was never chained.
[13:14] Pirako
    You took him to be an obedient dog who could be chained?
[13:20] Pirako
    I guarantee that Bro will come.
[13:23] Jirocho
    You were watching?
[13:27] Pirako
    I was watching.
[13:28] Pirako
    When you failed to finish off Otose too...
[13:31] Pirako
    When you cut her down so she wouldn't be dragged into this war...
[13:38] Pirako
    You don't need to worry.
[13:40] Pirako
    I understand that there's no point in focusing on Otose.
[13:43] Pirako
    It's not that simple to explain what it is that chains you to this town.
[13:48] Pirako
    I figured it out.
[13:50] Pirako
    You're just like him.
[13:54] Gin
    But I'm going to protect her in your stead.
[14:00] Tatsugoro
    Jirocho...
[14:02] Tatsugoro
    Take care of her... Take care of our town...
[14:08] Pirako
    Both of you are chained to this town by the same thing.
[14:12] Pirako
    A promise made to a certain man.
[14:16] Pirako
    An iron vow of your own choosing.
[14:19] Pirako
    The chains of a warrior.
[14:22] Pirako
    Both of you are animals bound by the same chain.
[14:26] Pirako
    But...
[14:27] Pirako
    One has experienced loss, but accepted the responsibility and continues to protect this town.
[14:35] Pirako
    The other has experienced loss,
[14:37] Pirako
    but has abandoned the responsibility and chosen to protect this town by using force to conquer it.
[14:44] Pirako
    Two beasts whose interests clash, despite sharing the same goal.
[14:49] Pirako
    Now, who will be the last man standing over the Kabuki district?
[14:55] Pirako
    Don't worry.
[14:57] Pirako
    I've already made up my mind.
[15:00] Pirako
    I'll be joining you on your rampage.
[15:04] Pirako
    I promise to help you take over this town.
[15:09] Pirako
    So once this is finished,
[15:13] Pirako
    you'll come back to me, won't you?
[15:20] Jirocho
    You...
[15:28] Shin
    Where do you think you're going?
[15:31] Shin
    With Otose-san's mementos of her husband...
[15:34] Gin
    Why are you here?
[15:36] Kagura
    You're the one who said we could do as we please.
[15:40] Shin
    Take us with you.
[15:42] Shin
    We can help you fight.
[15:45] Gin
    Don't get the wrong idea.
[15:47] Gin
    I'm just here because Gran told me to pick this up for her.
[15:51] Kagura
    Enough already...
[15:53] Kagura
    Neither of you get it...
[15:56] Kagura
    If you shoulder the burden alone and leave us behind...
[16:00] Kagura
    How are we supposed to be happy you saved our lives?
[16:03] Kagura
    How are we supposed to be happy that Gran saved us if she's gone?
[16:08] Kagura
    If you're gone, life won't be any fun!
[16:16] Gin
    Life doesn't need to be fun.
[16:19] Gin
    I just want you to live.
[16:24] Gin
    I don't want to go through that again.
[16:28] Gin
    I don't want anyone to die.
[16:35] Shin
    Aren't you supposed to be Gintoki Sakata?
[16:38] Shin
    The man who's let so much slip away, who's failed to protect so much...
[16:42] Shin
    ...but swore that he would never run away from his responsibilities!
[16:44] Shin
    Didn't you promise her husband?!
[16:47] Shin
    Once you've decided to protect something, you'll protect it to the very end!
[16:50] Shin
    Isn't that what makes you Gintoki Sakata?!
[16:53] Shin
    So what if Otose-san's life was in danger?!
[16:56] Shin
    This isn't enough to kill Otose-san off!
[16:58] Shin
    Isn't enough to kill us off!
[16:59] Shin
    Isn't enough to kill you off!
[17:01] Shin
    Because you're going to protect us!
[17:04] Shin
    Because we're going to protect you!
[17:10] Shin
    Isn't that what Odd Jobs is about?
[17:12] Shin
    Isn't that how the three of us protected so much over the years?
[17:20] Tama
    We have not lost anything yet.
[17:24] Tama
    So you must not lose your soul.
[17:29] Shin
    Catherine-san, Tama-san...
[17:31] Tama
    Master Gintoki...
[17:33] Tama
    You have protected us many times.
[17:37] Tama
    No matter how dire or hopeless the situation was...
[17:41] Tama
    We trust you.
[17:43] Catherine
    So it's your turn to trust us.
[17:47] Tama
    We can do this together.
[17:49] Catherine
    We can protect Otose-san's home, our home.
SIGN    Kabuki District 1st Street
[17:53] Tama
    Protect the town which brought us together.
[18:01] Gin
    Sorry, pops.
[18:03] Gin
    I bought these for you,
[18:06] Gin
    but there probably won't be any left over.
[18:09] Gin
    In return, I'll make another promise.
[18:13] Gin
    We promise to protect everything which was dear to you.
[18:24] Gin
    Thanks, pops,
[18:26] Gin
    for leading me to these assholes.
[18:35] K
    What's with that group of men or women or both or neither?
[18:41] L
    It's the Jirocho's gang and Saigo's people!
[18:43] K
    Th-There's gonna be a war!
[18:45] A
    Why is this happening?
[18:47] Agomi
    Don't say anything.
[18:49] Agomi
    Mama's the one who's hurting the most.
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan Snack Otose
[18:57] Pirako
    Let's get started then!
[19:00] Pirako
    Make a lot of noise for Otose!
[19:03] A
    Wait, young lady!
[19:04] A
    The store banner is up!
SIGN    Otose
[19:06] Agomi
    H-How can this be?!
[19:08] Agomi
    Th-This early in the morning?!
[19:10] Agomi
    They work too hard!
[19:11] Saigo
    You're missing the point!
[19:13] Saigo
    Why is the store banner up when Otose and everyone else is...?
[19:17] Saigo
    Could it be...
[19:20] B
    Y-You're...!
[19:22] Gin
    Sorry, but could you come back later?
[19:25] Gin
    The place is booked.
[19:27] Gin
    I feel like drinking by myself.
[19:29] Gin
    Without any interruptions.
[19:32] B
    What are you...?
[19:32] Gin
    Don't come any closer.
[19:36] B
    The hell are you talking about?!
[19:44] Gin
    Didn't you hear me?
[19:46] Gin
    I told you to keep your stinkin' pig feet out of this place.
[19:52] Saigo
    Pako!
[19:54] Pirako
    I knew you would come, Bro.
[19:57] C
    Eh?!
[19:57] C
    You're gonna take on the entire Kabuki District?!
[20:02] Gin
    The entire Kabuki District?
[20:04] Gin
    Don't make me laugh.
[20:05] Gin
    You fools aren't even part of this town.
[20:08] Gin
    You're no different from the dogshit on the side of the road.
[20:12] Gin
    All I need from the Kabuki District is right here.
[20:18] Shin
    Our Kabuki District...
[20:21] Tama
    ...can be found...
[20:22] Kagura
    ...right here.
[20:24] Gin
    Crush us if you can.
[20:26] Gin
    We're not letting any of you into our town.
[20:30] Agomi
    Pako!
[20:31] Agomi
    Please stop this!
[20:33] Agomi
    We don't want to fight you!
[20:35] Saigo
    Funny.
[20:37] Saigo
    It's very strange.
[20:38] Saigo
    It makes me sick to have to fight friends.
[20:42] Saigo
    Yet I felt relieved when I saw your face.
[20:48] Saigo
    Of course.
[20:49] Saigo
    It wouldn't be right if you weren't here.
[20:52] Agomi
    What are you...?
[20:53] Saigo
    Assmi, it would be rude to say anything.
[20:57] Pirako
    That's right!
[20:59] Pirako
    There's nothing left to say.
[21:01] Pirako
    Bro and Saigo-san are both protecting what's dear to them.
[21:08] Saigo
    You shouldn't be talking.
[21:11] Saigo
    Not when you're the one who took what was dear to me.
[21:15] Pirako
    I'm not going to apologize. After all...
[21:19] Pirako
    I'm here to protect what's dear to me.
[21:23] Pirako
    I'll steal and destroy what's dear to others...
[21:27] Pirako
    ...if that's what's needed to take him back.
[21:30] Saigo
    I must pity you, daughter of Jirocho.
[21:36] Saigo
    The swing of a samurai's blade can silence a thousand words!
[21:42] Saigo
    Warriors,
[21:44] Saigo
    let us hold our conversation in a whirlwind of blood!
[21:50] Gin
    The Otose Family will be paying our respects.
[21:55] Gin
    Let's go, bastards!
SIGN    To Be Continued...
SIGN    Next Episode: Iron Town

E213 - Iron Town
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Iron Town
[01:57] Tama
    Shifting to cleaning mode.
[02:00] Tama
    I will not stop until I have 
    eliminated all of the trash
[02:03] ---
    in the Kabuki district.
[02:06] Tama
    It's cleaning time.
[02:20] C
    What's with them?!
[02:23] C
    They're like little demons!
[02:26] D
    Who are they?!
[02:28] D
    Why are these monsters
    working for that old hag?!
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan Snack Otose
[02:31] Pirako
    You could say that Otose
[02:33] ---
    has the power to attract such people.
[02:36] Pirako
    We have no choice then.
[02:37] Pirako
    Time to get serious.
[02:41] Gin
    Saigo!
[02:43] Pirako
    Too bad, Bro.
[02:46] Pirako
    You were trying to buy time
    by fighting a bunch of chumps,
[02:49] Pirako
    but that cat burglar of
    yours won't be coming back.
[02:51] Pirako
    She won't be able to steal Saigo's son.
[02:56] Pirako
    Even if she manages to
    make it to Teruhiko-kun,
[02:59] Pirako
    Kada's people and my old
    man will be waiting.
[03:02] Pirako
    It's pretty much impossible for her
[03:05] ---
    to make it back alive.
[03:06] Saigo
    That's what you were trying to do...
[03:09] Pirako
    There's no point in trying to
    avoid a fight with Saigo-san.
[03:13] Pirako
    Look what will happen
    if you take too long.
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[03:15] Pirako
    Otose-san's bar is going to burn down.
[03:18] Shin
    The building's on fire!
[03:19] Kagura
    Oh, no!
[03:20] Kagura
    We have to put it out!
[03:21] Pirako
    You're leaving?
[03:22] Pirako
    I believe that you barely have
    enough fighters as it is.
[03:27] Gin
    You're pretty brutal
    for a little shrimp.
[03:31] Gin
    I'm starting to like you.
[03:34] Gin
    But I'll need to separate your
    head from your body first.
[03:38] Pirako
    I've always liked you, Bro.
[03:41] Pirako
    But you have to join my old man first.
[03:44] Pirako
    Actually, you should just marry me.
[03:47] Pirako
    That's the only way for you
    to survive in this town.
[03:51] Pirako
    You guys are all alone
    with no coming to help.
[04:00] Tatsumi
    All alone with no help?
[04:02] Tatsumi
    I don't think so.
[04:04] Tatsumi
    At least, there's one person
    here who's willing to help.
[04:08] Tatsumi
    Yeah, Gin-san?
[04:10] Gin
    You're...
[04:11] Gin
    ...Tatsumi the firefighter!
[04:13] D
    Who are you?!
[04:14] D
    Trying to interfere?!
[04:15] E
    Die!
[04:18] Tetsuko
    That's some weak iron.
[04:20] Tetsuko
    You can't even scratch
    these guys with that junk.
[04:24] ---
    Want me to reforge that for you?
[04:28] Kagura
    Te-Tetsuko!
[04:30] E
    Don't take us lightly!
[04:32] Kozen
    Hey, now.
[04:34] Kozen
    A lady doesn't like it
    when you gang up on her.
[04:39] Kozen
    Yes, a man should be hard-boiled, Camus
[04:44] Shin
    Kozenigata-san! Haji-san!
[04:46] G
    What's with that weird-looking bunch?!
[04:50] Tama
    Master Gengai!
[04:51] H
    Hey! There's a freak mixed in there!
[04:54] Madao
    Can't let this bar be shut down!
[04:57] Madao
    No more free drinks for me!
[04:59] Shin
    You have a running tab.
[04:59] Madao
    Why am I the only one who
    gets the cold shoulder?!
[05:04] Kyoshiro
    The Members of Odd Jobs, you are not alone.
[05:09] Kyoshiro
    They have forged a bond during
    their time in this town.
[05:12] G
    What?! Now we have an
    army of male escorts!
[05:15] Kyoshiro
    The Kabuki district women
    may cry once I'm gone.
[05:19] Kyoshiro
    But I will cry once you're gone.
[05:24] Kyoshiro
    How very naughty of you
    to seduce a male escort.
[05:28] Shin
    Kyoshiro-san!
[05:31] Otae
    We won't let you carry the burden alone.
[05:34] H
    And here are a bunch of cabaret girls!
[05:35] Otae
    It's not very nice to decide the fate of
[05:38] ---
    the Kabuki district on your own.
[05:40] Otae
    This town doesn't belong to any of you.
[05:43] Otae
    It belongs to us cabaret girls.
[05:47] Otae
    The Jirocho gang and tranny
    gang can bring it on.
[05:50] Otae
    We'll show you how terrifying
[05:53] ---
    the Kabuki district truly is.
[05:56] Tatsumi
    We won't let you have your way here!
[05:58] Tatsumi
    Those guys helped protect
    the things we care about.
[06:02] Kozen
    They know what it truly
    means to be hard-boiled.
[06:05] Kozen
    They're the hardest-boiled
    bunch in Edo, Camus.
[06:09] Tetsuko
    I'll never be able to pay you back.
[06:11] Tetsuko
    But I also won't forget
    what you've taught me.
[06:16] Kyoshiro
    Please watch us.
[06:18] Kyoshiro
    This time, we will protect the
    things we care about ourselves...
SIGN    Kabuki District 1st Street
[06:23] Kyoshiro
    Our Kabuki District...
[06:26] Kyoshiro
    Our precious friends, the
    members of Odd Jobs...
[06:30] Madao
    We've lived together and
[06:33] ---
    shared laughs in this filthy town.
[06:35] Madao
    In that case, we should suck it up and
[06:37] ---
    protect this town together.
[06:38] Otae
    You are the ones who have become
    enemies of the Kabuki district.
[06:42] Otae
    You're in our town.
[06:44] Shin
    E-Everyone...
[06:46] I
    What's with these people?!
[06:48] J
    Young lady, they
    completely outnumber us!
[06:53] Pirako
    Is that supposed to matter?
[06:56] Pirako
    We're up against a bunch of amateurs!
[06:58] Pirako
    Take them all out!
[06:59] H
    Yeah!
[07:00] H
    We can't let a bunch of
    cabaret girls boss us around!
[07:05] Otae
    A bunch of cabaret girls, you said?
[07:08] Otae
    Get down on your knees.
[07:10] Otae
    I am the queen of the Kabuki district.
[07:16] Tatsumi
    Idiot!
[07:17] Tatsumi
    Are you trying to protect
    this town or destroy it?!
[07:21] Kozen
    Don't forget that you
    have allies down here!
[07:23] Kozen
    Straighten out your act or
    I'll have to punish you!
[07:25] Tetsuko
    If the town gets destroyed,
    we can rebuild it.
[07:27] Tetsuko
    This time, we can build
    a sturdy iron town.
[07:29] Kyoshiro
    What are you talking about?
[07:31] Kyoshiro
    We already live in an iron town.
[07:35] Madao
    Gin-san, you guys go
    settle this business!
[07:38] Madao
    We'll handle the small fry here!
[07:40] Yakuza
    You're the small fry!
[07:51] Saigo
    That's the difference between you,
     who takes things that others hold dear,
[07:54] Saigo
    and them, who protect the
    things that others hold dear.
[07:58] Gin
    You should know when a
    battle is lost, Saigo-san.
[08:03] Gin
    Leave.
[08:04] Gin
    This battle is our...
[08:06] Gin
    ...Gran's victory.
[08:08] Pirako
    As long as Saigo-san and I are here,
[08:11] Pirako
    your crowd doesn't stand a chance.
[08:14] Pirako
    I won't let you go to my old man.
[08:17] Gin
    I said that you already lost.
[08:18] Gin
    You've really pissed them off.
[08:22] Both
    Stay out of this, curly head!
[08:24] Saigo
    I'm disappointed, Pako.
[08:26] Saigo
    You're going to let a couple
    of kids throw their lives away?
[08:29] Gin
    So be it.
[08:30] Gin
    I'd rather disappoint you
    than disappoint them.
[08:34] Pirako
    A couple of softies who
    didn't want to fight
[08:36] ---
    Saigo-san are supposed to put up a fight?
[08:39] Kagura
    Looks like I'll need to rip your
    head off to make you understand.
[08:43] Shin
    True, we were softies
    who let you use us.
[08:49] Shin
    You tricked us, betrayed us,
[08:51] ---
    but we'll be able to laugh
    it off in a couple of days.
[08:55] Shin
    I'm used to having girls trick me.
[08:58] Shin
    But, no matter your reasons...
[09:03] Shin
    We can never forgive you for hurting...
[09:08] Shin
    ...the Kabuki district's mother.
[09:10] Kagura
    Don't underestimate Odd Jobs.
[09:12] Kagura
    We won't let you hurt anyone else.
[09:14] Kagura
    You won't have your way around here.
[09:16] Kagura
    We aren't alone!
[09:18] Kagura
    Now that the three members
    of Odd Jobs are together,
[09:21] Kagura
    you won't be taking
    anything else from us!
[09:25] Kagura
    It's time to show you the power...
[09:28] Kagura
    ...that has kept Odd Jobs safe.
[09:30] Saigo
    It would be rude to go easy
[09:31] ---
    on someone with such fierce eyes.
[09:34] Pirako
    I understand.
[09:36] Pirako
    Then I'll turn you into corpses first.
[09:40] Pirako
    Where would you like me to
    make some bright red flowers?
[09:43] Pirako
    Your head?
[09:44] Pirako
    Or your chest?
[09:46] Pirako
    Or...
[09:51] Pirako
    ...Bro's heart?
[09:59] Gin
    There won't be any flowers.
[10:06] Gin
    Flowers aren't for samurai.
[10:16] Shin
    Flowers are meant for girls.
[10:20] Kagura
    And trannies.
[10:25] ---
    Huh...
[10:27] Pirako
    That's strange...
[10:29] Pirako
    How could I...
[10:35] Pirako
    I can't let them reach my old man.
[10:41] Pirako
    I'm gonna...
[10:48] Saigo
    You used the back of your blade?
[10:49] Saigo
    You're still softies.
[10:52] Saigo
    You hit my chin so hard
    that my head's spinning.
[10:55] Saigo
    I won't be able to stand anytime soon.
[10:58] Saigo
    Damn. Guess I can't stop you.
[11:03] Gin
    You're just as soft.
[11:05] Gin
    Yeah, I'm gonna talk
    to myself for a bit.
[11:07] Gin
    Don't pay any attention.
[11:09] Gin
    We'll take care of your kid.
[11:11] Gin
    Rest easy and get some
    beauty sleep or ugly sleep.
[11:15] Saigo
    Then I'll also talk to myself for a bit.
[11:19] Saigo
    Don't get yourselves killed.
[11:24] Saigo
    I leave the Kabuki district,
[11:26] Saigo
    our town, in your hands, Odd Jobs.
[11:35] Jirocho
    This town looks pretty meek
    when there's nobody around.
[11:40] Kada
    Easier for your daughter to do her job.
[11:43] Kada
    The red light district will soon
    be a playground for children.
[11:46] Jirocho
    Don't you mean it will be the
    hunting ground for a certain vixen?
[11:50] Kada
    Are you here to keep an eye on me?
[11:52] Jirocho
    You think I would skip a sumo match
[11:55] Jirocho
    to come all the way out here
    and waste my time on you?
[11:59] Jirocho
    I'm here for the vixen's head.
[12:05] C
    Hallelujah!
[12:07] D
    I'm next!
[12:09] E
    And then me!
[12:09] F
    Hey! What are you doing?!
[12:11] G
    Wouldn't you want to be sent
    to heaven by Kyoshiro's rod?!
[12:15] G
    Uh, he's using a real blade!
[12:18] G
    They're literally going to heaven!
[12:19] G
    And what's going on?!
[12:20] G
    The others have been understanding
[12:23] ---
    of our situation and have shown mercy,
[12:25] G
    but that guy won't stop
    slaughtering trannies!
[12:27] Agomi
    Stay back.
[12:29] F
    Agomi?!
[12:30] Agomi
    I recognize his technique.
[12:33] Agomi
    A special assassination technique
    for slaying trannies.
[12:37] Agomi
    Blade of the Male Escort!
SIGN    Blade of the Male Escort!
[12:38] Okama
    That sounds familiar!
[12:40] Agomi
    A thousand years ago,
[12:41] ---
    during the great war between
    male escort and tranny,
[12:43] Agomi
    this legendary technique was born
     during the Battle of Bootyloo.
[12:47] Agomi
    I didn't realize that someone
    had inherited the technique it.
[12:50] Agomi
    This was the last place I expected
[12:52] ---
    to run into the dreaded
    foe of all trannies.
[12:56] Kyoshiro
    That stance, it can't be...!
[12:58] Agomi
    You were too hasty.
[13:00] Agomi
    Yes, I have inherited the
[13:03] ---
    Kama-sen-ryu which counters
    the Blade of the Male Escort!
[13:08] Agomi
    I am Agomi, King of Fist!
[13:09] Agomi
    Sorry, never heard of you.
[13:11] F
    Ago!
[13:13] Agomi
    So you were willing to sever
    this cursed chin of mine...
[13:17] Agomi
    I have no chins in this life!
[13:19] F
    Yeah, you do!
[13:21] F
    You've got one long-ass chin there!
[13:23] Agomi
    Oh, you're right.
[13:25] Agomi
    He didn't cut it off?
[13:26] Kyoshiro
    Uh, could you pretend to be dead?
[13:30] Kyoshiro
    A male escort is only
    allowed to penetrate women.
[13:34] Agomi
    A toy?
[13:36] All
    Kyoshiro!
[13:37] A
    You were acting to keep
    us from getting hurt!
[13:41] Agomi
    I don't care if you use the sword
[13:43] ---
    up here or the sword down there!
[13:44] Agomi
    Penetrate me!
[13:45] Agomi
    Penetrat--
[13:47] Saigo
    What are you doing?
[13:49] Saigo
    We're getting out of here.
[13:50] All
    Mama!
[13:51] Saigo
    This fight is over.
[13:53] Saigo
    We've lost.
[13:55] Otae
    Saigo-san...
[13:56] Pirako
    I can't accept that.
[13:58] Pirako
    My old man hasn't
    conquered the world yet.
[14:01] Saigo
    If you want to help
    him conquer the world,
[14:03] Saigo
    you shouldn't waste his men out here.
[14:06] Pirako
    We don't need these useless chumps.
[14:10] Pirako
    Go ahead and turn your
     back on us if you wish.
[14:13] Pirako
    I'll support my old man by
    myself if that's what it takes.
[14:18] A
    I don't believe it.
[14:20] A
    He backstabbed his own relatives
    for the sake of business.
[14:24] B
    The wife and daughter
    you abandoned are here.
[14:28] Pirako
    Doesn't matter what
    people say about him...
[14:32] C
    This is the end.
[14:33] C
    We never want anything
    to do with you again.
[14:36] Jirocho
    I see.
[14:37] Jirocho
    I assumed that it was
    over a long time ago.
[14:41] Pirako
    Doesn't matter if he
    never looks at me...
[14:45] Mother
    I see...
[14:47] Mother
    So he's still making mischief.
[14:49] Pirako
    How can you smile?
[14:53] Pirako
    He abandoned us and started
    doing terrible things
[14:57] ---
    for the sake of a woman...
[14:59] Mother
    Before he left for the war,
[15:01] Mother
    he placed his hand here and promised...
[15:05] Mother
    ...that he would surely return.
[15:08] Mother
    Pirako, he hasn't returned
    from the war yet.
[15:14] Mother
    He's still fighting right now.
SIGN    Medicine for Ingesting
[15:17] Mother
    But once he's finished, he'll return.
[15:20] Mother
    After all, the one thing
    he knew how to do was
[15:23] ---
    to keep his promises.
[15:25] Mother
    So don't hate him.
[15:28] Mother
    Once I'm gone,
[15:30] ---
    there won't be anyone on his side.
[15:34] Mother
    We have his promise...
[15:37] Mother
    You will be the only one
    who believes in him...
[15:43] Pirako
    He promised...
[15:45] Pirako
    You'll come back to me, won't you?
[15:49] Pirako
    He promised to return...
[15:59] I
    Reinforcements from Kada?!
[16:01] Pirako
    Take care of this.
[16:02] Pirako
    I need to go to my old man.
[16:06] I
    Young lady!
[16:10] Saigo
    So we were all played
    by that damn vixen.
[16:15] All
    Mama!
[16:17] Pirako
    Sa-Saigo-san...
[16:20] Jirocho
    Using a kid to set off
    a war in this town
[16:24] Jirocho
    and manipulate the Four Devas
    into wearing each other down
[16:27] Jirocho
    in order to take control of this town.
[16:31] Jirocho
    That should be the general
    gist of your plan.
[16:36] Kada
    But it's too late.
[16:38] Kada
    Those pathetic monkeys are
    being crushed as we speak.
[16:42] Kada
    Along with your daughter.
[16:44] Jirocho
    I doubt that they're
    gonna roll over for you.
[16:48] Jirocho
    Well, this means I get a private
     meeting with a beautiful lady.
[16:55] Kada
    We won't be having that.
[16:57] Kada
    Though I've prepared a little party.
[17:01] Jirocho
    Shinra?
[17:03] Jirocho
    Along with Yato and
    Dakini in your troops,
[17:07] Jirocho
    it's clear that you're
    not just some gambler.
[17:10] Kada
    My long battle with you ends here.
[17:15] Kada
    This town belongs to me now.
[17:17] Kada
    Or should I say...
[17:18] Kada
    It belongs to Kada,
[17:20] ---
    captain of the 4th squad of
    the space pirates Harusame?
[17:26] Jirocho
    You've finally revealed
    your true colors, vixen?
[17:30] Kada
    Nonsense.
[17:31] Kada
    You already knew my identity.
[17:34] Kada
    If it weren't for you,
[17:36] Kada
    I would've taken over this town the way
[17:38] ---
    Hosen took over Yoshiwara.
[17:40] Kada
    I know the reason
[17:42] ---
    you were willing to sink so
    low to protect this town.
[17:47] Kada
    You were protecting this
    town from us Amanto.
[17:51] Jirocho
    I learned two things from the war.
[17:54] Jirocho
    First, at this rate, we'll
    be swallowed by you Amanto.
[18:00] Jirocho
    Second, we are completely powerless.
[18:03] Tatsugoro
    Take care of her...
    Take care of our town...
[18:07] Jirocho
    If you still want to protect
    what's dear to you,
[18:09] ---
    you'll have to change.
[18:11] Jirocho
    I gave up on being a human
    so I could defeat you.
[18:16] Jirocho
    Kada, I can't say much
    for any other town,
[18:18] ---
    but this place won't go
    down without a fight.
[18:22] Kada
    Your vaunted Four Devas have
    perished, leaving you alone.
[18:26] Kada
    What can you possibly accomplish?
[18:29] Jirocho
    Have you been paying any
    attention to this town?
[18:33] Jirocho
    Don't underestimate the Kabuki District.
[18:38] Kada
    Who are you people?!
[18:40] Gin
    Sorry to keep you waiting, dark dude.
[18:43] Jirocho
    I've been waiting for you, silver kid.
[18:47] Gin
    I'd like to return the favor,
[18:50] Gin
    but I guess the situation's changed.
[18:54] Jirocho
    You've got sharp eyes.
[18:57] Saigo
    So while we were engaged
    in a pointless fight,
[19:00] ---
    they took control of this town.
[19:04] Pirako
    Sa-Saigo-san...
[19:05] Pirako
    Why?
[19:06] Saigo
    Hostages are only useful alive.
[19:10] Saigo
    I consider you a hostage
    to use against Jirocho.
[19:15] Saigo
    Besides, I've had enough.
[19:17] Saigo
    I don't want to see any old ladies
[19:20] ---
    or naughty kids bite the dust.
[19:24] Saigo
    Our enemy is elsewhere...
[19:27] H
    Mama! Hang in there, Mama!
[19:29] Saigo
    But it's too late when you realize it.
[19:33] I
    I can't believe it...
[19:34] I
    Saigo's spent.
[19:36] I
    The rest of us can barely fight.
[19:40] I
    We're finished!
[19:41] I
    The Amanto are gonna take
    over our Kabuki District!
[19:46] Otose
    Good grief.
[19:48] Otose
    Could you stop whining?
[19:51] Otose
    And you call yourself
    Kabuki District residents?
[19:54] Saigo
    That voice is...
[19:58] Otose
    Bold and bullheaded,
    adamant and adaptable.
[20:02] Otose
    Isn't that our creed?
[20:05] Saigo
    O-O...
[20:07] Saigo
    Otose!
[20:10] Gin
    Shinpachi, Kagura...
[20:12] Gin
    I'm leaving Saigo's kid to you.
[20:14] Gin
    We're running out of time.
[20:15] Kagura
    Gin-chan...
[20:17] Gin
    We promised.
[20:19] Gin
    I'm trusting you to do as I ask,
[20:21] Gin
    so have some faith in me.
[20:25] Shin
    Gin-san...
[20:28] Shin
    We'll meet back up in
    the Kabuki district.
[20:34] Kada
    I'm not sure why you're here,
[20:37] Kada
    but you're trying to allow
    those kids to escape?
[20:40] Gin
    It's not like that.
[20:42] Gin
    They wouldn't be able to hold
[20:44] ---
    themselves back against you people.
[20:46] Gin
    It's R-18 time.
[20:49] Gin
    I don't know the details,
    but one thing's for sure.
[20:52] Gin
    I'm killing the old man and you, and we're all killing each other.
[20:57] Jirocho
    You got balls to talk like that to
[20:59] ---
    the mighty Jirocho and
    the Harusame, kid.
[21:03] Jirocho
    But it's easy to understand.
[21:06] Jirocho
    Count me in, kid.
[21:08] Jirocho
    I'm gonna slaughter you all.
[21:10] Gin
    We're all alone here
    with no help in sight.
[21:12] Gin
    Just cut down anything that moves.
[21:16] Jirocho
    The last one standing is the winner.
[21:20] Jirocho
    Nice and simple, the way I like it.
[21:22] Gin
    You probably had bad grades.
[21:24] Jirocho
    Not as bad as yours.
[21:28] Kada
    What's so funny?!
[21:31] Kada
    Why are you laughing?!
[21:33] Kada
    Don't you realize the
    situation you're in?!
[21:37] Kada
    You and your town are finished!
[21:44] Gin
    Damn old man!
[21:47] Jirocho
    Kid!
[21:57] Gin
    Don't die...
[21:59] Jirocho
    ...until I kill you.
SIGN    Next Episode 'Tis an Honor!

E214 - 'Tis An Honor!
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:31] All
    O-Otose!
[01:34] Saigo
    Why are you here?!
[01:35] Tama
    Madame Otose...
[01:37] Otose
    Stop this silly fighting.
[01:41] Otose
    Let's make peace and
    celebrate at my bar.
[01:44] Yakuza
    H-Huh?!
[01:46] Otose
    Pirako, you're coming too.
[01:48] Otose
    Since you made a real mess of things
[01:50] Otose
    you'll have to make up for it
    with one hell of a show.
[01:54] Pirako
    Otose...
[01:56] Yakuza
    Whatcha babbling about, old lady?
[01:58] Yakuza
    We don't have time for that!
[02:01] Otose
    Finish up your business then.
[02:03] Otose
    How long are you guys going to lie there?
[02:06] Otose
    This old lady came out here
[02:09] ---
    despite being seriously injured.
[02:11] Otose
    Enough of your petty bickering.
[02:13] Otose
    There's a serious fight in the
    works, with Edo on the line.
[02:18] Otose
    If you don't protect
    this town, who will?
[02:22] Otose
    We may be moving in
    different directions,
[02:24] Otose
    but we all started in the same place.
[02:27] Otose
    The yakuza, trannies, cabaret girls...
[02:30] Otose
    We all love this town.
[02:35] Otose
    That's all there is to it.
[02:41] Otae
    Otose-san! Look out!
[02:44] Katsuo
    Hey, if you wanna snuff
[02:46] ---
    one of the Four Devas while I'm around,
[02:49] Katsuo
    come back in a hundred years!
[02:52] Yakuza
    B-Bro!
[02:54] Katsuo
    What are you fools doing?!
[02:56] Katsuo
    You always return the
    favor, seven for three!
[03:00] Katsuo
    Well, Gran?
[03:03] Otose
    Show them our...
[03:05] Otose
    No, show them the Kabuki
    District's might.
SIGN    'Tis An Honor!
[03:18] Teruhiko
    Wh-Who's there?
[03:20] Catherine
    A bandit who's opened
    the door to paradise...
[03:24] Catherine
    Catherine the lock picker!
[03:25] Catherine
    Sorry to keep you waiting.
[03:28] Catherine
    Why did you shut the door
    without saying anything?!
[03:31] Catherine
    Do you realize how hard it
    was for me to get here?!
[03:34] Catherine
    They found me!
[03:35] Catherine
    Hey! Open the door!
[03:36] Catherine
    Help!
[03:38] Catherine
    Stay away!
[03:39] Catherine
    Don't come any closer!
[03:43] Teruhiko
    Wh-Who's there?
[03:44] Kagura
    You scared him because of your
    funny clothes, Catherine.
[03:49] Shin
    That's right.
[03:50] Trio
    Don't worry!
[03:52] Trio
    The Kabuki Cats are here now!
[04:00] Yakuza
    B-Bro!
[04:02] Katsuo
    What are you fools doing?!
[04:04] Katsuo
    You're gonna stand around while
    the Amanto take over our town?!
[04:08] Pirako
    Ka-Katsuo...
[04:10] Katsuo
    Young lady, we were the
    castoffs of society
[04:13] ---
    until the boss took us in.
[04:16] Katsuo
    We're prepared to throw away
[04:19] ---
    our worthless lives for the
    boss, and for his daughter.
[04:24] Katsuo
    However...
[04:25] Katsuo
    We aren't gonna abandon
    the town our boss
[04:28] ---
    has dedicated his life to protecting.
[04:30] Katsuo
    We have a duty to protect
    the Kabuki District!
[04:35] Katsuo
    Take a good, hard look!
[04:36] Katsuo
    This is the town your old
    man has been protecting!
[04:40] Katsuo
    Let's do this!
[04:41] Katsuo
    The whole universe will learn
    to fear the Jirocho Gang!
[04:46] Katsuo
    The Kabuki District belongs to us!
[04:51] Saigo
    Heh...
[04:53] Saigo
    They're the ones who made
    a mess of this town.
[04:57] Saigo
    That's why I can't stand yakuza.
[05:05] Saigo
    The Kabuki District belongs to you?
[05:11] Saigo
    No.
[05:12] Saigo
    It belongs to us trannies!
[05:14] Saigo
    It's finally time for us to go crazy!
[05:19] Saigo
    Show them the true power of a tranny!
[05:25] Otose
    Loud and clear, everyone.
[05:29] Otose
    This is the Kabuki District!
[06:31] Kada
    Fr-Freaks...
[06:35] Kada
    Kill them in the name of the Harusame!
[07:23] Kada
    Finish them!
[07:28] Gin
    Pops,
[07:29] Gin
    we promise to protect everything
[07:31] ---
    which was dear to you.
[07:33] Tatsugoro
    Jirocho...
[07:36] Tatsugoro
    Take care of her... Take
    care of our town...
[07:58] Kada
    They did it!
[08:00] Kada
    There were only two of them.
[08:02] Kada
    My elite soldiers lost
    to these base monkeys.
[08:07] Kada
    This can't be... This can't be...
[08:16] Kada
    That's...
[08:18] Kada
    Otose!
[08:24] Kada
    I never expected this filthy
    town to be home to such heroes.
[08:30] Kada
    Mark my words, Jirocho...
[08:33] Kada
    The Harusame will return this favor!
[08:38] Gin
    W-Wait...
[08:49] Jirocho
    All this effort to chase
    a vixen out of town.
[08:53] Jirocho
    I don't want to get any older.
[08:56] Jirocho
    But you young'ns are disappointing.
[09:03] Jirocho
    When I was a young lad...
[09:05] Gin
    The elderly always let nostalgia
[09:07] ---
    cloud their memory.
[09:09] Gin
    I don't want to get any older.
[09:12] Jirocho
    Hey, kid.
[09:14] Jirocho
    Is that his jutte?
[09:17] Jirocho
    Why do you have it?
[09:21] Gin
    I made a one-sided promise,
    and then I swiped it.
[09:25] Jirocho
    Heh.
[09:28] Jirocho
    Same here.
[09:33] Jirocho
    Whenever I smoke, the
    memories come back.
[09:37] Jirocho
    I would watch from behind
[09:40] Jirocho
    as he walked around, toying with his jutte
[09:42] ---
    while smoking with his left.
[09:45] Jirocho
    It was rather striking to see him
[09:47] ---
    with the Kabuki District as a backdrop.
[09:50] Jirocho
    He loved this town,
[09:53] Jirocho
    and I'm sure that this town loved him.
[09:56] Gin
    We can smoke and fiddle with a jutte,
[10:01] Gin
    but we can never be like him?
[10:04] Jirocho
    He died the way he lived.
[10:07] Jirocho
    Like a man,
[10:09] Jirocho
    who sacrificed his life
    for someone like me
[10:12] ---
    while leaving loved ones behind.
[10:14] Jirocho
    I killed him.
[10:18] Jirocho
    So I had to give up on being
    a man, on being human,
[10:23] Jirocho
    in order to protect what he left behind.
[10:27] Jirocho
    Even if the town hated me for it...
[10:31] Gin
    Damn...
[10:32] Gin
    So you weren't trying to kill Gran.
[10:36] Jirocho
    She's always been a pain in the ass.
[10:40] Jirocho
    Squawking in my ear whenever
    I did something...
[10:44] Jirocho
    My resolve would waver when I saw her.
[10:49] Jirocho
    When I watched you guys,
[10:50] ---
    I would get the urge to go
    back to being the old Jirocho.
[10:57] Jirocho
    You're getting in my way, Tatsugoro.
[11:01] Jirocho
    Let's settle this once and for all.
[11:04] Jirocho
    We'll see who's worthy of
    inheriting his pipe and jutte.
[11:10] Gin
    I'm not interested in any inheritances.
[11:12] Gin
    I just wanted to keep
    my promise this time.
[11:16] Gin
    It's obvious that neither of
    us is going to cave or give in.
[11:22] Gin
    In that case...
[11:23] Gin
    ...there's only one way
    for us to move forward.
[11:32] Gin
    I will keep my promise and survive.
[11:35] Gin
    In return...
[11:36] Gin
    ...you will keep your promise...
[11:39] Gin
    ...and die.
[11:41] Pirako
    Both of you are chained to
    this town by the same thing.
[11:45] Pirako
    A promise made to a certain man.
[11:50] Pirako
    An iron vow of your own choosing.
[11:54] Pirako
    The chains of a warrior.
[11:58] Pirako
    Old man!
[12:15] Gin
    Your promise was broken.
[12:18] Gin
    I win.
[12:25] Jirocho
    Bastard...
[12:27] Jirocho
    Why didn't you cut me down?
[12:29] Gin
    Like I said...
[12:32] Gin
    I'm going to keep my promise this time.
[12:35] Gin
    Pops,
[12:36] Gin
    we promise to protect
[12:38] ---
    everything which was dear to you.
[12:42] Gin
    Quit smoking, old timer.
[12:56] Otose
    I'd appreciate it if you
    never woke up again.
[13:00] Otose
    Usually, you wouldn't put
    a guy in the same room
[13:02] ---
    as the person he stabbed.
[13:05] Jirocho
    This can't be a hospital.
[13:08] Jirocho
    Must be some kind of haunted house.
[13:10] Otose
    What was that, Seirogan?!
[13:11] Jirocho
    Looks like everyone managed
    to survive somehow.
[13:17] Otose
    Had nothing to do with us.
[13:19] Otose
    Our lives were saved.
[13:21] Otose
    Your daughter spent
[13:22] ---
    three days taking care
    of you without any sleep.
[13:26] Otose
    And your daughter kept an eye on me
[13:29] Otose
    to make sure I didn't run off
    again and exacerbate my injuries.
[13:33] Jirocho
    A futile effort.
[13:35] Jirocho
    We can stab you, tie you up,
[13:38] ---
    and you'll still get back up.
[13:39] Otose
    You're one to talk, stubborn mule.
[13:42] Jirocho
    I know that I'm stubborn,
[13:45] Jirocho
    but you make me look like
    a reasonable fellow.
[13:50] Jirocho
    Everybody turned out to
    be as twisted as he was.
[13:56] Jirocho
    Actually, you're worse
    than Tatsugoro was,
[14:00] Jirocho
    since you beat me in a battle of wills.
[14:03] Otose
    You look pretty happy for
    someone who was beaten.
[14:07] Jirocho
    Yeah...
[14:09] Jirocho
    It's been so long since
    I've had a real fight.
[14:13] Jirocho
    A real fight between men and warriors.
[14:17] Jirocho
    I can only laugh after losing
    in such a satisfying way.
[14:21] Jirocho
    I've given up so much to be
    able to keep my promise...
[14:25] Jirocho
    But he managed to save everything
    to keep his promise,
[14:30] Jirocho
    including me.
[14:32] Jirocho
    No, I was just running away...
[14:35] Jirocho
    I was scared of losing
    anyone else dear again...
[14:39] Jirocho
    He shattered the ungainly
    chains around my neck.
[14:44] Jirocho
    They made it clear that they could
    protect this town without me.
[14:51] Jirocho
    Twenty years...
[14:52] Jirocho
    I spend twenty years keeping my promise,
[14:55] ---
    and this is how it ends.
[14:57] Jirocho
    In the end,
[14:59] Jirocho
    I just made everyone around me unhappy,
[15:01] Jirocho
    while failing to keep my promise.
[15:05] Jirocho
    Otose...
[15:07] Jirocho
    You've done a lot for me.
[15:11] Jirocho
    But I kept running in circles.
[15:15] Jirocho
    I was never able to return the favor.
[15:20] Jirocho
    Sorry I couldn't make you happy.
[15:25] Otose
    Jirocho, I'm...
[15:31] Saigo
    Damn! What are people doing?!
[15:33] Saigo
    It was about to get good!
[15:36] Katsuo
    I told you to stop pushing!
[15:38] A
    It's your fault for bringing
    such a big camera!
[15:41] Katsuo
    Shut up!
[15:42] Katsuo
    How often are we gonna get to see
    the boss in a romantic scene?!
[15:44] Otae
    Men are so hopeless.
[15:45] Otae
    The sensitivity of a brick.
[15:47] Katsuo
    What's that in your hand?!
[15:49] Tama
    Please stop this, everyone.
[15:51] Tama
    Recording mode off.
[15:52] Catherine
    I just heard something!
[15:53] Catherine
    You were recording!
[15:54] Catherine
    You were recording the entire time!
[15:55] Nurse
    What are you people doing here so late?!
[15:57] Nurse
    Wait, that's alcohol!
[15:59] Nurse
    Don't you realize what
    kind of place this is?!
[16:00] Agomi
    This is ours!
[16:03] Katsuo
    Do you realize how much
    effort it took to get
[16:05] ---
    the old lady on top of the roof?!
[16:08] Otose
    Jirocho...
[16:09] Otose
    You and Gintoki will never change.
[16:13] Otose
    You're both selfish jerks.
[16:16] Otose
    The difference is that he had
    people to help him realize
[16:20] Otose
    that other people needed
    him the way he needed them.
[16:27] Otose
    Now, you can see that
    there's no need to worry.
[16:32] Otose
    There are plenty of fools
    in the Kabuki District
[16:35] ---
    to carry on the spirit
    of you and Tatsugoro.
[16:38] Otose
    You did a fine job of
    protecting this town
[16:40] ---
    until the next generation
    could take over.
[16:43] Otose
    You kept your promise.
[16:45] Otose
    So you can let go now.
[16:49] Otose
    You have other promises to keep.
[16:56] Otose
    I'm very happy right now, Jirocho.
[17:01] Otose
    I met Tatsugoro here
    in the Kabuki District.
[17:04] Otose
    And I met them.
[17:07] Otose
    And I met our beloved Jirocho again.
[17:16] Both
    Thanks for everything, Jirocho.
[17:24] Jirocho
    This isn't good.
[17:26] Jirocho
    My eyesight's starting to fail me.
[17:29] Jirocho
    First, I can't control my bowels,
[17:32] ---
    now I'm leaking up here.
SIGN    Greater Edo Hospital
[17:36] Jirocho
    I don't want to get any older.
[17:40] Kada
    We cannot allow them
    to get away with this.
[17:43] Kada
    Just you wait, Devas.
[17:45] Kada
    I can no longer turn back.
[17:47] Kada
    I will do anything to obtain
    the Kabuki District.
[17:50] Pirako
    I've been waiting for you, Lady Kada.
[17:53] Kada
    You're...!
[17:55] Pirako
    Sorry, but could you not interfere?
[17:58] Pirako
    I finally get to see my old man look...
[18:02] Kada
    Silence!
[18:03] Kada
    Don't you understand that you're
    the one who's interfering?!
[18:07] Pirako
    I do.
[18:09] Pirako
    My interference is over.
[18:11] Pirako
    But I'm taking you with me!
[18:14] Kada
    You're the only one who's leaving!
[18:19] Pirako
    Br-Bro!
[18:21] Shin
    Sacrificing yourself
    to take out the enemy...
[18:23] Kagura
    won't be enough to make up
[18:25] ---
    for everything you've done, bitch!
[18:27] Gin
    There you have it.
[18:29] Gin
    Whatcha gonna do now, Pirako-chan?
[18:33] Pirako
    My job is finished.
[18:35] Pirako
    You can have your way with me.
[18:38] Gin
    Sad.
[18:40] Gin
    Don't you need to settle
    things with your old man?
[18:43] Pirako
    I have.
[18:45] Pirako
    You took all the glory though.
[18:49] Pirako
    You're the one who saved my old man.
[18:52] Pirako
    I didn't expect you to protect him...
[18:54] Pirako
    No, it wasn't just you.
[18:57] Pirako
    This town has
[18:59] ---
    wonderful people who help one another
[19:02] ---
    despite their differences.
[19:04] Pirako
    They do more than take away...
[19:05] Pirako
    If I could be like them...
[19:10] Pirako
    But it's okay now.
[19:12] Pirako
    The father I wanted to see...
[19:14] Pirako
    The father who Mom and I were waiting for...
[19:18] Pirako
    ...is back.
[19:23] Pirako
    Bro... Everyone...
[19:25] Pirako
    I can't apologize for what I've done,
[19:28] Pirako
    but let me say this.
[19:31] Pirako
    Thank you for letting me see my
[19:33] ---
    father one last time!
[19:35] Pirako
    I couldn't be my father's
    daughter or the Bro's underling,
[19:40] Pirako
    but I was very happy to be
    a resident of this town,
[19:44] ---
    if only for a moment.
[19:46] Pirako
    Please let me take responsibility
    for what I've done...
[19:49] Gin
    Sorry, but I'm not
    sadistic enough to beat
[19:51] ---
    up a crying little girl.
[19:53] Gin
    Besides, I'm tired.
[19:55] Gin
    Go wait at the place listed there.
[19:57] Gin
    I'll deal with you once I'm healed up.
[20:00] Gin
    You better be done crying by then.
[20:06] Girl
    Let's try that place next time.
[20:09] Girl
    Sure.
SIGN    Bar Chono
[20:10] Bar
    What?
[20:11] Bar
    You want to know who the strongest
    man in the Kabuki District is?
[20:14] Bar
    You must be new in town.
[20:16] Bar
    Won't last long with that attitude.
[20:20] Bar
    Forget it.
[20:21] Bar
    This town is on a whole different level.
[20:23] Bar
    It's too dangerous.
[20:24] Bar
    With the fall of the Deva Kada
[20:26] ---
    and the retirement of the Deva Jirocho,
[20:28] Bar
    the fragile balance of power
    is beginning to crumble.
[20:33] Bar
    The town's never been this tense before.
[21:24] Pirako
    Is that you, Bro?
[21:27] Jirocho
    'Tis an honor.
[21:29] Jirocho
    I was born and raised in
    the Kabuki District of Edo,
[21:32] Jirocho
    where I lived as a ruffian
    in a town of ruffians,
[21:36] Jirocho
    always surrounded by steel.
[21:40] Jirocho
    I am ashamed to admit
    that I have walked astray
[21:44] Jirocho
    and was guided by my brothers
[21:47] Jirocho
    to embark on a journey of redemption
[21:48] ---
    to regain that which I have lost.
[21:52] Jirocho
    I have been called boss,
    warrior, and many other names,
[21:57] Jirocho
    but I have given them up.
[22:01] Jirocho
    I am the father of Pirako Chin,
[22:03] Jirocho
    Jirocho.
[22:09] ---
    It's rude, but may I ask who you are?
[22:12] Pirako
    I-I am the newest member
    of the Odd Jobs family
[22:17] ---
    in the Kabuki District of Edo...
[22:20] Pirako
    On a journey to find my missing father...
[22:25] Pirako
    I was guided here by the
    kindness of my brothers.
[22:33] Pirako
    I am the daughter of Jirocho,
[22:35] Pirako
    Pirako Chin!
[22:41] Jirocho
    We must have been brought
    together by fate.
[22:45] Jirocho
    Would you mind
[22:48] ---
    if I accompanied you on your journey?
[23:26] Jirocho
    I'm home.
SIGN    Next Episode: Odd or Even
[23:31] Takasugi
    Next time:
[23:32] Takasugi
    Odd
[23:33] Kamui
    Or even?
[23:34] ---
    

E215 - Odds or Evens
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:47] Kada
    Odds or evens...?
[01:50] Kamui
    I'll go with evens.
[01:55] Kada
    Odds...
[01:57] Kamui
    Oops.
[01:59] Kamui
    I lost.
[02:00] Abuto
    Tragic.
[02:02] Abuto
    The captain of the Harusame's 4th Squad
[02:05] Abuto
    was once considered a lone
    flower in the darkness,
[02:09] Abuto
    but after losing out
    in a grab for power,
[02:14] Abuto
    she stole money from the
    group and disappeared.
[02:17] Abuto
    I never expected her
    to come back like this.
[02:20] Kamui
    No kidding.
[02:21] Kamui
    I never expected you to be a
    sucker for a vixen like her.
[02:25] Abuto
    Kids wouldn't understand.
[02:27] Abuto
    We live in an age where everything
[02:29] ---
    fits in the palm of your hand.
[02:32] Abuto
    But you want a woman who
    isn't so easy to hold on to.
[02:35] Kamui
    Like a DS?
[02:36] Abuto
    She's more like a Genesis.
[02:38] Kamui
    I see.
[02:39] Kamui
    No wonder it was so hard to find her.
[02:42] Kamui
    We're talking about your
    beloved Genesis here.
[02:46] Kamui
    But it looks like she couldn't
    fit in down there either.
[02:48] Kamui
    She gambled and lost.
[02:51] Kamui
    And so did you.
[02:53] Abuto
    Hey!
[02:54] Abuto
    Don't jump to conclusions.
[02:56] Abuto
    I'm not like a certain stupid captain.
[02:58] Abuto
    I don't let my emotions
    get in the way of my work.
[03:00] Kamui
    Yeah, yeah.
[03:01] Abuto
    Besides, she changed her face
[03:02] ---
    and name when she escaped to Earth.
[03:05] Abuto
    How was I supposed to recognize her?
[03:06] Kamui
    Yeah, yeah.
[03:07] Abuto
    And I'm a Nintendo fan, not a Sega fan!
[03:10] Abuto
    You listening?!
[03:11] Kamui
    Oh well.
[03:12] Kamui
    I was interested in seeing the
[03:15] ---
    exalted team work of the Shinra,
[03:17] Kamui
    but they were just a bunch of grunts
[03:18] ---
    who stood no chance
    one-on-one against a Yato.
[03:20] Kamui
    Wouldn't be much of a fight.
[03:23] Kamui
    Anyway, they stole my glory again.
[03:27] Kamui
    We should go show our gratitude.
[03:38] Kamui
    To the samurai.
SIGN    Odds or Evens
[03:49] Kamui
    Shinsuke Takasugi?
[03:51] Aho
    You haven't heard of him?
[03:52] Aho
    He signed a pact with us.
[03:55] Aho
    He's the leader of the mercenary
    group known as the Kiheitai.
[03:58] Kamui
    Are they from Earth?
[04:00] Aho
    They're samurai, I think.
[04:02] Aho
    The remnants of those savages
[04:03] ---
    who resisted until the very end
[04:05] Aho
    when we opened up their land.
[04:09] Kamui
    Admiral Assho--
[04:10] Kamui
    I mean, Admiral Abo.
[04:12] ---
    He must be very special for
    you to remember his name.
[04:15] Aho
    He only cooperates with us
[04:17] ---
    when our interests happen to coincide,
[04:19] Aho
    but he can be very useful.
[04:20] Aho
    You could consider them the
    Harusame's enforcers on Earth.
[04:26] Aho
    They were responsible for
    hunting down that vixen.
[04:31] Kamui
    Oh, really?
[04:32] Aho
    However, there is one
    issue that concerns me.
[04:35] Aho
    I've heard that they are actually
[04:37] Aho
    a terrorist group which seeks to
[04:39] ---
    unseat the government of Edo.
[04:41] Aho
    But when we struck a deal
[04:43] ---
    with the central ward which
[04:44] ---
    allowed us to sneak into Edo,
[04:47] Aho
    they offered to draw the
    government's trained dogs
[04:49] ---
    away from us.
[04:51] Aho
    Do you know why?
[04:54] Kamui
    That's easy.
[04:58] Kamui
    Each side is using the other,
[05:01] Kamui
    so they're using the Harusame
[05:02] Kamui
    to get close to the Bakufu and
[05:04] ---
    take down the central ward.
[05:06] Aho
    What?! Really?!
[05:09] Aho
    I mean, you're absolutely right!
[05:10] Aho
    They're plotting terrible things!
[05:13] Aho
    Yes, I knew all along!
[05:15] Aho
    S-So that's how it was...
[05:18] Aho
    Damn!
[05:19] Kamui
    We finally obtained the right to
[05:21] ---
    strip Earth of its valuable resources.
[05:24] Kamui
    If they succeed, we'll lose
    all our business there.
[05:28] Kamui
    Well, I doubt that Takasugi person
[05:30] ---
    stands a chance against
    the Tendo or the elders,
[05:34] Kamui
    but he can probably crush our forces.
[05:37] Aho
    I-If that happens, the
    elders will have my hide!
[05:42] Kamui
    That's true.
[05:43] Kamui
    Well, do the best you can.
[05:45] Kamui
    Thanks for the food!
[05:47] Aho
    W-Wait, Kamui!
[05:49] Aho
    Why do you think I summoned you here?!
[05:52] Kamui
    For a free meal?
[05:54] Aho
    No!
[05:55] Aho
    The 7th Squad is responsible
    for cleaning up our messes!
[06:01] Kamui
    So what do you want me to do?
[06:05] Aho
    Dispose of the tools
    that we no longer need.
[06:08] Koro
    Good grief.
[06:10] Koro
    Strong words, coming from a
    tool that never had any use but as a decoration.
[06:13] Koro
    This place would be much more
[06:15] ---
    comfortable if we disposed of that pig.
[06:18] Kamui
    Aren't you both four-legged creatures?
[06:21] Kamui
    Can't you get along, Captain Koro?
[06:23] Koro
    Kamui...
[06:25] Koro
    You have the backing of
[06:27] ---
    the captains of the twelve squads.
[06:29] Koro
    We're ready to throw our support
[06:31] ---
    behind you at a moment's notice.
[06:32] Koro
    Admiral Asshole is just
    a puppet for the elders.
[06:37] Koro
    All he cares about is his own safety.
[06:39] Koro
    I wanna work for someone
    who will let me run wild.
[06:44] Abuto
    Then why don't you take control, Koro?
[06:48] Koro
    I can't lead.
[06:49] Koro
    I just want to go crazy
    and not have to think.
[06:52] Abuto
    You sound just like our boss.
[06:54] Koro
    Besides, I have an eyepatch over one eye
[06:57] Koro
    and a hook instead of a hand.
[06:59] Koro
    I'm not captain material.
[07:00] Abuto
    No, you're the spitting
    image of a captain.
[07:03] Abuto
    You're clearly gunning
    to be the captain.
[07:05] Koro
    Anyway, I'm willing to lend you a hand.
[07:09] Koro
    If you're gonna take down that
    Takasugi fool, count me in.
[07:11] Kamui
    Don't interfere.
[07:13] Kamui
    I finally found myself another samurai.
[07:16] Kamui
    Abuto, isolate Takasugi
    from his minions.
[07:20] Kamui
    Take the fleet and wipe out his men.
[07:23] Kamui
    Captain Koro, you're
    free to help out there.
[07:26] Abuto
    Here we go again...
[07:28] Kamui
    Sorry, but I won't let
    anyone ruin my fun.
[07:37] Matako
    I can't stand space.
[07:40] Matako
    It's so dark everywhere.
[07:42] Matako
    Can't tell if we're moving
    forward or backward.
[07:47] Matako
    Lord Shinsuke, are we
    moving forward right now?
[07:53] Matako
    Sorry about sounding so whiny.
[07:55] Matako
    I've been getting worried.
[07:58] Takasugi
    Doesn't matter which way we're going.
[08:00] Takasugi
    If you get lost,
[08:03] Takasugi
    just follow my lead.
[08:05] Takasugi
    Whether you're deep underground
    or far above the clouds,
[08:08] Takasugi
    I promise to take you to our goal.
[08:11] Takasugi
    There's no need to worry
[08:13] Takasugi
    as long as you believe in me.
[08:16] Matako
    L-Lord Shinsuke!
[08:17] Matako
    I...  I'll follow you to hell and back!
[08:20] Takasugi
    We share the same goal.
[08:23] Takasugi
    Let us march on.
[08:24] Takasugi
    Now sign this petition.
[08:28] Takasugi
    We oppose the
[08:29] ---
    Greater Edo Ordinance Regarding
    the Healthy Development of Youths!
[08:33] Takasugi
    Before you try to regulate free speech,
[08:34] ---
    you should learn to
    regulate your own heart!
[08:36] Takasugi
    Pedophilia predates manga and anime!
[08:40] Takasugi
    Is it not our goal to foster
    a culture of acceptance?!
[08:43] Takasugi
    Incidentally, I'm not a
    pedophile.  I'm a feminist.
[08:50] Matako
    Bansai-senpai.
[08:51] Matako
    Where's Lord Shinsuke?
[08:53] Bansai
    He stayed behind on the mothership
[08:54] Bansai
    because the admiral needed
    him for something.
[08:56] Bansai
    We're supposed to return
    to Edo without him.
[08:59] Matako
    Needed him for what?
[09:00] Bansai
    Well, I haven't the slightest idea.
[09:03] Matako
    I have a bad feeling about this.
[09:06] Matako
    Was it a mistake to join
    forces with the Harusame?
[09:10] Bansai
    Why are you saying this now?
[09:12] Bansai
    We will defeat the Bakufu
    and rebuild the world.
[09:16] Bansai
    Didn't you agree to the plan?
[09:18] Matako
    But we're out of our league...
[09:21] Matako
    The Kiheitai aren't
    on the same level as a
[09:26] ---
    galactic crime syndicate.
[09:28] Matako
    Soon enough, we'll become their pawns.
[09:32] Matako
    The way things stand,
[09:34] ---
    we've sunken to the level of the
[09:36] ---
    Amanto-ass-kissing Bakufu.
[09:38] Matako
    Besides, now that the
    Bakufu and Harusame
[09:41] ---
    are working together,
[09:42] Matako
    we've become a liability.
[09:46] Matako
    What if Lord Shinsuke is...
[09:49] Bansai
    So in other words, you're
    worried about Shinsuke?
[09:52] Bansai
    Don't worry.
[09:54] Bansai
    That man won't fall
    before the Bakufu does.
[09:56] Bansai
    Did you forget the promise he made?
[10:00] Takasugi
    I'll simply destroy...
[10:04] Takasugi
    ...the Greater Edo Ordinance Regarding
    the Healthy Development of Youths!
[10:08] Matako
    Don't mess up my memories!
[10:10] Matako
    Die!
[10:11] Matako
    We'll destroy you first!
[10:13] A
    Master Bansai!
[10:14] A
    There's a Harusame fleet ahead of us!
[10:17] Bansai
    What? Do they truly
    intend to eliminate us?!
[10:20] Matako
    L-Lord Shinsuke!
[10:24] Kamui
    Hey.
[10:25] Kamui
    So we meet again.
[10:28] Kamui
    Sorry about cutting
    straight to the chase,
[10:30] Kamui
    but either way, you're going to
    be surprised when I say this.
[10:33] Kamui
    Please die.
[10:35] Takasugi
    That's not much of a surprise.
[10:37] Takasugi
    It was obvious from the
    moment I first saw you.
[10:41] Kamui
    You're sharp.
[10:43] Kamui
    You see, I've been dying
    to fight a samurai
[10:46] ---
    from the moment I first saw one.
[10:48] Kamui
    And you kind of smell the same
[10:51] ---
    as that other samurai.
[10:54] Takasugi
    What a coincidence.
[10:55] Takasugi
    I've been dying to kill
    that stupid samurai
[10:58] ---
    with the silver hair.
[11:00] Kamui
    You must have super powers or something.
[11:05] Kamui
    Is there a secret behind
    that left eye of yours?
[11:08] Koro
    Kamui!
[11:12] Kamui
    I told you not to interfere.
[11:15] Koro
    I won't interfere.
[11:23] Kamui
    Huh?
[11:23] Koro
    Kamui, we're here to kill you.
[11:31] Abuto
    Did I miss a message or something?
[11:34] Abuto
    Nobody ever mentioned that
[11:35] ---
    we were up against such a big family.
[11:38] Aho
    You Yato are too dangerous.
[11:40] Aho
    A blade that's too sharp will
    attract many foes, Kamui.
[11:44] Kamui
    You got me good.
[11:46] Kamui
    Never expected Admiral Asshole
    to pull a fast one on me.
[11:48] Takasugi
    I'll kill that idiot for you.
[11:51] Takasugi
    So feel free to rest in peace.
[12:03] A
    Vice-captain!
[12:04] A
    There's a Harusame fleet
    behind the Kiheitai!
[12:06] A
    It's Captain Koro's 8th Squad,
[12:09] A
    along with the admiral's personal fleet!
[12:14] Abuto
    Looks like we were tricked.
[12:19] Bansai
    Wh-What's going on?
[12:21] Matako
    The Harusame are fighting each other?
[12:23] Takechi
    There's no need to worry, folks.
[12:26] Takechi
    Everything is going according to plan.
[12:28] Matako
    Takechi-senpai...
[12:30] Takechi
    That is the Harusame's 7th Squad.
[12:32] Takechi
    The strongest Harusame force, drawn from
[12:34] ---
    the elite ranks of the
    Yato, the warrior tribe.
[12:37] Takechi
    Their leader, the brilliant Lord Kamui,
[12:40] ---
    is more highly regarded
    than the admiral now.
[12:44] Takechi
    The 12 squad captains are looking
    to overthrow the admiral
[12:47] Takechi
    and name Lord Kamui as their leader.
[12:50] Bansai
    So by that reasoning,
[12:52] Bansai
    that fool of an admiral
[12:54] ---
    intends to eliminate the 7th Squad,
[12:56] ---
    which threatens his position?
[12:59] Takechi
    Exactly.
[13:01] Takechi
    We were used as bait to isolate
    and crush the 7th Squad,
[13:06] ---
    the strongest of them all.
[13:08] Matako
    So we're being used
    by the Harusame again?
[13:12] Takechi
    It's easier for us to take advantage
[13:15] ---
    of that useless admiral.
[13:19] Bansai
    But still...
[13:21] Bansai
    Destroying your own fangs to
    hold onto your position...
[13:24] Bansai
    There are always more fools
[13:25] ---
    when an organization begins to grow.
[13:30] Aho
    Friend Takasugi, that
    was an excellent job!
[13:33] Aho
    There are no longer any
    rogue elements to oppose me!
[13:36] Aho
    You also performed admirably, Koro.
[13:39] Koro
    No, Admiral Assho...
[13:42] ---
    Admiral Abo.
[13:43] Koro
    I was simply performing
    my duty as one of
[13:45] ---
    the 12 squad captains.
[13:46] Koro
    Now that Kamui has been
    made an example of,
[13:49] Koro
    the captains who supported
    Kamui will come
[13:51] ---
    to their senses and swear fealty to you.
[13:54] Takasugi
    It was kind of a waste.
[13:57] Aho
    Hm?
[13:58] Takasugi
    That kid took enough poison to
[14:01] ---
    instantly leave an
    elephant incapacitated,
[14:04] Takasugi
    but he was able to fend off my blade
[14:05] Takasugi
    while smiling the entire time.
[14:08] Takasugi
    And he managed to kill off
[14:10] ---
    twenty or so of your men,
    despite his injuries.
[14:14] Takasugi
    I have a feeling that his absence
[14:16] ---
    will be far more damaging
[14:18] Takasugi
    than what he did to your men.
[14:20] Aho
    It doesn't matter.
[14:21] Aho
    Your Kiheitai can fill the
    void he's left behind.
[14:26] Takasugi
    Sorry, but I'll pass.
[14:29] Takasugi
    It's better to be the head of
    a cat than the tail of a lion.
[14:32] Takasugi
    I'd rather be a bandit chief
    than a pirate or bigwig.
[14:37] Takasugi
    Besides, I'm not giving
    up the Kiheitai name.
[14:42] Aho
    Allow me to compensate you...
[14:44] Takasugi
    I don't need anything.
[14:45] Takasugi
    Let's keep it simple, just like before.
[14:49] Koro
    Be careful.
[14:51] Koro
    He's harder to read than Kamui was.
[14:55] Aho
    I know.
[14:57] Aho
    No more fooling around.
[15:01] Kada
    Odds or evens, odds or evens...?
[15:07] Takasugi
    Odds.
[15:11] Kada
    Too bad...
[15:12] Kada
    Evens...
[15:14] Kamui
    Oops, now it's your turn to die.
[15:17] Kamui
    That gambler's cursed.
[15:19] Kamui
    If you lose, you run out of luck.
[15:22] Kamui
    I lost, so I know what
    I'm talking about.
[15:26] Takasugi
    Coming from a monster who
    doesn't die when killed...
[15:30] Kamui
    They patched me up and spared my life
[15:32] Kamui
    so I could be executed in
    front of the others, right?
[15:37] Kamui
    When's the big day?
[15:38] Takasugi
    In three days.
[15:39] Kamui
    Three days...
[15:41] Kamui
    I wonder which one of us will die first.
[15:43] Kamui
    I'm sure you've figured it out already.
[15:46] Kamui
    The people here only
    care about themselves.
[15:50] Kamui
    Doesn't matter how hard you work.
[15:52] Kamui
    They'll just abuse you
    as much as they can
[15:54] Kamui
    before they get rid of you.
[15:56] Takasugi
    True.
[15:58] Takasugi
    I would prefer to be used by someone
[16:00] ---
    who isn't so pathetic.
[16:03] Takasugi
    Those sharp fangs of yours
    will only rot in this place.
[16:11] Kamui
    Why did you come here?
[16:15] Takasugi
    I'm the same as you.
[16:17] Takasugi
    Searching for a place to
    use my sharpened fangs.
[16:24] Takasugi
    But this leaky boat
    won't take me anywhere.
[16:28] Takasugi
    I'd rather hitch a ride on your ship.
[16:35] Takasugi
    See ya, space fighter.
[16:39] B
    I don't see how the admiral
    took out the 7th Squad...
[16:43] B
    Did he have help from the elders?
[16:45] A
    No, I heard that the idea came
    from Takasugi of the Kiheitai.
[16:49] B
    It's a sad story.
[16:51] B
    Those guys worked their
    asses off for the Harusame.
[16:54] A
    Nobody's doing jack for
    the sake of the Harusame.
[16:58] A
    If someone is in the
    way, you eliminate them.
[17:01] A
    That's how it goes in the Harusame.
[17:05] Aho
    Men, take a long, hard look!
[17:07] Aho
    This is what happens to
    those who defy my authority!
[17:10] Aho
    When you cross me, you cross the elders!
[17:12] Aho
    When you cross the elders,
    you cross the Harusame!
[17:16] Aho
    When there is no order,
[17:18] ---
    a battle-hardened army will
    be reduced to a headless mob!
[17:21] C
    How can he say that crap
    with a straight face?
[17:24] Aho
    Kamui, do you have any last words?
[17:27] Kamui
    Can I say something real quick?
[17:29] Aho
    Yes.
[17:31] Kamui
    Admiral Asshole!
[17:33] Aho
    Kill him! Kill him now!
[17:35] Takasugi
    Hold on, Admiral Assho--
[17:37] Takasugi
    Admiral Abo.
[17:39] Takasugi
    Will you allow me to kill him?
[17:41] Aho
    Huh?
[17:42] Takasugi
    Unfortunately, I never had the
    chance to fight him one-on-one,
[17:46] Takasugi
    but I can at least serve
    as the executioner.
[17:49] Koro
    On my signal, jump Takasugi.
[17:55] Takasugi
    Our luck ran out when I
    got on this leaky boat.
[18:02] Kamui
    You're saying that we share
    the same fight, Earth fighter?
[18:06] Takasugi
    Who knows?
[18:08] Takasugi
    All I know is that neither of us
    will be doing any sightseeing.
[18:12] Kamui
    Sure we will.
[18:13] Kamui
    Down in hell.
[18:17] Takasugi
    You bet.
[18:30] Takasugi
    Have a nice nap in hell,
[18:33] Takasugi
    leaky boat crew.
[18:49] Aho
    Wh-What?!
[18:53] Kamui
    I told you so.
[18:54] Kamui
    That gambler's cursed.
[18:56] Kamui
    I wanted to see which one
    of us would die first,
[18:59] Kamui
    but you're trying to
    get us killed together?
[19:01] Takasugi
    It's more fun to dance
[19:03] ---
    with a batshit crazy idiot
    than a plain old idiot.
[19:10] Kamui
    Samurai are a blast.
[19:14] Aho
    Takasugi!
[19:15] Aho
    You're nothing more than tools
    that are no longer needed!
[19:17] Aho
    I'll turn you into spacedust!
[19:20] Takasugi
    You're the one who's no longer needed.
[19:23] Takasugi
    Didn't you hear me?
[19:24] Takasugi
    I'm the executioner here,
[19:27] Takasugi
    the only executioner
    needed in this place.
[19:32] Takasugi
    Off with your heads.
[19:41] Matako
    Lord Shinsuke!
[19:43] Matako
    This is how the Joi do it!
[19:45] Matako
    I'll follow you to hell and back!
[19:48] Takechi
    Are you insane?!
[19:49] Takechi
    You believe that we stand a
    chance against the Harusame?
[19:52] Takechi
    We should be focusing our resources
[19:54] Takechi
    on the Greater Edo Ordinance Reg...
[19:57] Bansai
    You'd have to be insane...
[20:00] Bansai
    ...to pick a fight with
    the rest of the world!
[20:03] Aho
    Accursed monkeys!
[20:05] Aho
    What are you doing?!
[20:06] Aho
    Crush them!
[20:08] Koro
    What?!
[20:11] Abuto
    Oh?
[20:12] Abuto
    I rowed out here because I was worried,
[20:16] Abuto
    but you're looking better than usual.
[20:18] Abuto
    Blockhead.
[20:20] Aho
    The 7th Squad!
[20:21] Aho
    Impossible!
[20:22] Aho
    Why are they alive?!
[20:24] Koro
    Admiral!
[20:25] Koro
    Bad news!
[20:26] Koro
    Now that the 7th Squad is back,
[20:28] Koro
    the other squads are beginning
    to side with them!
[20:31] Koro
    Th-The tables have been reversed.
[20:34] Koro
    Huh?
[20:34] Koro
    Admiral!
[20:37] Aho
    C-Curse you, Kamui, Takasugi!
[20:39] Aho
    You won't get away with this!
[20:40] Koro
    A-Admiral!
[20:41] Koro
    Why are you running away by yourself?!
[20:43] Koro
    Take me with you, Admiral Asshole!
[20:45] Aho
    Ah! You finally said it!
[20:47] Aho
    I kept pretending that I didn't hear
    you, but you finally said it to my face!
[20:50] Aho
    You're a dead man!
[20:51] Aho
    Get this ship moving!
[20:53] Aho
    What are you doing?!
[20:54] Koro
    Shut up!
[20:55] Koro
    My men always do the work,
    so I have no idea what to do!
[20:57] Aho
    Don't you have a hook on your hand?!
[20:59] Aho
    You're supposed to be a captain!
[21:00] Koro
    You're supposed to be an admiral!
[21:01] Koro
    Huh?
[21:02] Koro
    H-Hey!
[21:03] Koro
    What's that?!
[21:04] Aho
    Ka-Kamui!
[21:06] Kamui
    It's not Kamui, Admiral Asshole.
[21:09] Kamui
    Starting today,
[21:10] Kamui
    I'm Admiral Nincompoop.
[21:18] Kamui
    I owe you big now.
[21:21] Kamui
    Oh well.
[21:22] Kamui
    Guess I'll have to put off
    our fight for a while.
[21:25] Kamui
    Besides, I'm looking forward
    to touring hell with you.
[21:29] Kamui
    Now, where do we start?
[21:32] Kamui
    I'm guessing the planet of samurai?
[21:37] Kada
    Odds or evens, odds or evens...?
[21:44] Takasugi
    Evens.
[21:46] Kada
    Too bad...
[21:48] Kada
    Odds...
SIGN    Next Episode I Can't Remember a Damn Thing About the Factory Tour
[23:30] Gin
    Next time:
[23:31] Gin
    I can't remember a damn thing
    about the factory tour.
[23:34] ---
    

E216 - I Can't Remember a Damn Thing About the Factory Tour
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[01:31] Gin
    What? A tour?
[01:33] Kagura
    My friend, Satsuki-chan,
[01:35] Kagura
    asked for an educational tour of
[01:36] ---
    Odd Jobs to fulfill an assignment.
[01:38] Gin
    Stop offering to do stuff
    that's a pain in the ass.
[01:42] Shin
    If she wants to see us at work,
[01:44] ---
    we don't have any jobs today.
[01:45] Gin
    We haven't had any jobs in forever.
[01:48] Shin
    We don't want to ruin
[01:49] ---
    the hopes and dreams of young children.
[01:53] Kagura
    No!
[01:54] Kagura
    I want to show them how great
    Odd Jobs Kagura-chan is!
[01:56] Kagura
    Do something about it, scumbags!
[01:58] Gin
    Stop tacking on random insults.
[02:01] Kagura
    She's here!
[02:02] Kagura
    You guys better act like grown-ups.
[02:05] Kagura
    Don't do anything weird!
[02:07] Kagura
    Welcome, Satsuki-chan!
[02:09] Satsuki
    Sorry, Kagura-chan.
[02:11] ---
    I'm sure that you're busy.
[02:13] Kids
    Thank you!
SIGN    I Can't Remember a Damn 
    Thing About the Factory Tour
[02:20] Kagura
    This is our strategist/Supreme
[02:21] ---
    Commander of Eastern Operations,
    Strategos Shimura.
[02:24] Shin
    Supreme Commander of
    Eastern Operations?!
[02:25] Kagura
    Shut up and follow my lead.
[02:28] Kagura
    Just say stuff that sounds cool.
[02:30] Satsuki
    Wow, Supreme Commander
    of Eastern Operations...
[02:33] Satsuki
    Um, what kind of work
    do you do at Odd Jobs?
[02:37] Shin
    O-Our president will explain that,
[02:39] ---
    so come on inside.
[02:41] Kagura
    President, the kids are
    here for their tour.
[02:45] ---
    May we come in?
[02:53] Shin
    He's turned the room into
    a workshop or something...
[02:57] Shin
    Uh, President?
[02:58] Gin
    Bah, it's no use.
[02:59] Gin
    The naked refuses to
    jack in to the solid.
[03:02] Shin
    U-Uh, President...
[03:04] Gin
    Could you shut the door?
[03:06] Gin
    If you let the heat escape,
[03:07] ---
    my Patriot will cool down and harden.
[03:09] Satsuki
    Oh, s-sorry!
[03:11] Shin
    What's a Patriot supposed to be?
[03:13] Shin
    I have no idea what's going on,
[03:13] ---
    but the president sounds
    like a real craftsman.
[03:15] Satsuki
    Um, we're here to see you at work.
[03:18] Gin
    Do you prefer Calcutta or Meso Gear?
[03:21] Satsuki
    Huh?
[03:21] Gin
    If you're here, you must prefer one.
[03:26] Shin
    Ignore them.
[03:27] Shin
    Ignore their pleas for help.
[03:30] Satsuki
    I-I like Calcutta.
[03:32] A
    M-Me too.
[03:33] Shin
    They randomly chose one!
[03:33] B
    Me too.
[03:33] Shin
    They randomly chose Calcutta!
[03:35] Gin
    I see, you choose Calcutta.
[03:37] Gin
    Hmph, how precocious of you.
[03:40] Gin
    Here.
[03:41] Gin
    Calcutta should be
    enjoyed while it's hot.
[03:43] Satsuki
    Th-Thank you very much!
[03:44] A
    This is Calcutta?
[03:46] B
    It looks like coffee.
[03:47] Shin
    Why didn't you just ask them
    if they liked coffee or not?!
[03:49] Shin
    You're pissing me off!
[03:51] Gin
    I once tried to be
    brave and try Calcutta.
[03:55] Gin
    But now I'm a devout fan of Meso Gear.
SIGN    Edo Strawberry Milk
[03:57] Gin
    I believe that my
    dedication to Meso Gear
[03:59] ---
    was a product of that bitter experience.
[04:01] Shin
    He's throwing together
    a bunch of fancy phrases
[04:03] ---
    to say absolutely nothing at all!
[04:04] A
    Can we get started?
[04:06] A
    What do you Odd Jobs people even do?
[04:10] Gin
    Well, it's quite difficult
    to explain what we do.
[04:13] Gin
    You could say that we are
    essentially a secret society
[04:15] Gin
    involved in the production
    and sale of this Patriot.
[04:18] Shin
    That would make us Patriot salesmen!
[04:20] A
    What is this Pastry...
[04:21] Gin
    Patriot.
[04:22] A
    What is this Patriot used for?
[04:27] Gin
    Don't make me laugh.
[04:30] Gin
    What is a Patriot used for, Kagura-kun?
[04:33] Kagura
    Kids say the darndest
    things, right, President?
[04:37] Shin
    What's with them?
[04:38] Shin
    They're pissing me off!
[04:39] Gin
    Let me ask you this then.
[04:41] Gin
    What's that below your nose?
[04:44] Gin
    Every person has a peculiar indentation
[04:47] ---
    between their nose and mouth.
[04:48] Gin
    What is that used for?
[04:51] A
    I-I don't know...
[04:53] Gin
    Of course.
[04:54] Gin
    Now, back to the Patriot.
[04:57] Gin
    It's pretty much like that.
[04:58] Shin
    So you don't know either?!
[05:00] Gin
    Whether it's the indentation
    below your nose
[05:02] Gin
    or the built-in microphone on the
[05:04] ---
    Famicom's second player controller,
[05:06] Gin
    there are many things in this
    world that make no sense.
[05:08] Gin
    However, humans are meant
    to eat, poop, and sleep.
[05:11] Gin
    Everything else we do is useless.
[05:14] Gin
    Our creations fall into that category.
[05:17] Shin
    So after making a pompous speech,
[05:19] ---
    all you're saying is that we make junk!
[05:21] Daigoro
    Okay.
[05:23] Daigoro
    So you do useless work
    making useless stuff?
[05:28] Gin
    It seems that you didn't
    understand what I was saying.
[05:30] Gin
    My point was that useless can
    be valuable in its own way.
[05:33] Daigoro
    Yeah, but...
[05:34] DaigorO
    If all Odd Jobs does
    is make useless stuff,
[05:37] Daigoro
    doesn't that mean the
    members are also useless?
[05:41] Shin
    What's with this kid?
[05:42] Satsuki
    That's not nice, Daigoro-kun.
[05:43] Daigoro
    Satsuki-chan, we can call off the tour.
[05:47] Daigoro
    It's clear that these Odd Jobs people
[05:49] ---
    do useless work that
    doesn't help society.
[05:51] Shin
    Wait a moment!
[05:52] Kagura
    While the Patriot may look
    useless, it is, in fact,
[05:55] Kagura
    a multimedia product which can be
[05:56] ---
    used in a number of useless games.
[05:58] Daigoro
    Oh? Really?
[06:00] Daigoro
    What kind of games are
    you talking about?
[06:01] Kagura
    For example...
[06:03] Kagura
    You can use the Patriot missile to whack
[06:04] ---
    the head of someone who pisses you off.
[06:06] Shin
    You don't need the Patriot to do that!
[06:09] Daigoro
    I knew it.
[06:11] Daigoro
    I can't believe that people actually
[06:13] ---
    pay you scum to make this trash.
[06:16] Shin
    Daigoro-kun?!
[06:17] Shin
    You sound like a different person
    after the beating to your head!
[06:20] Daigoro
    Satsuki, I'm going home.
[06:21] Daigoro
    I've had enough.
[06:23] Satsuki
    Daigoro-kun!
[06:24] Gin
    Wait, boy.
[06:25] Gin
    You didn't drink your Calcutta...
[06:26] Daigoro
    Sorry, Mr. President.
[06:27] Daigoro
    I don't like Calcutta or Meso Gear.
[06:30] Daigoro
    I go for Bourbon.
[06:31] Shin
    That's pretty hard-boiled!
[06:33] Shin
    What's with this kid?!
[06:34] Daigoro
    I'll need to work hard to find
[06:36] ---
    a real job so I don't
    end up like you slobs.
[06:38] Daigoro
    Thanks for showing me what it's like
[06:40] ---
    at the bottom of society, Odd Jobs.
[06:46] Shin
    Cheer up, Gin-san.
[06:49] Shin
    A child wouldn't be able to understand
[06:51] ---
    how incredible Odd Jobs truly is.
[06:52] Kagura
    The other kids said they had fun.
[06:55] Kagura
    Though they tossed the Patriots
    we gave them as souvenirs.
[06:59] Gin
    I started this business from scratch,
[07:03] ---
    and I kind of like it.
[07:06] Gin
    But I guess kids aren't impressed...
[07:07] Shin
    Th-That's not true!
[07:09] Gin
    Okay, tell me this then.
[07:11] Gin
    What can this be used for?
[07:15] Gin
    Can't think of anything, right?!
[07:16] Gin
    'Course you can't!
[07:17] Gin
    I can't either!
[07:19] Gin
    I'm no different from
    this piece of junk!
[07:21] Gin
    Odd Jobs is trash!
[07:22] Gin
    We do work that doesn't mean
    a damn thing to society!
[07:27] Shin
    He's completely snapped.
[07:29] Shin
    It must have been a big shock to him.
[07:32] Shin
    Huh? Isn't that Hijikata-san?
[07:34] Hijikata
    We patrol the streets to
    make sure there aren't any
[07:37] ---
    bad people doing bad things.
[07:38] Hijikata
    That's the most essential
    job of a policeman.
[07:41] A
    Ooh!
[07:42] Hijikata
    What is it?
[07:43] A
    Who would be a bad person?
[07:46] Hijikata
    Anyone who breaks the law.
[07:49] A
    So the law is always good?
[07:52] Hijikata
    In most cases, the law
    can be considered good...
[07:54] A
    I have a question then!
[07:55] A
    You aren't allowed to drop down from
    a train platform to the tracks,
[07:58] A
    but what if someone jumps down
[07:59] ---
    to save a drunk who
    happened to fall down?!
[08:02] A
    Would someone who stays on the platform
[08:03] ---
    as the drunk dies be considered good?!
[08:05] Hijikata
    You take those situations case by case.
[08:07] A
    A law that's always changing
    can't be considered a proper law!
[08:12] Hijikata
    I didn't word that right.
[08:14] Hijikata
    A person who makes trouble
    for others is a bad person.
[08:17] Hijikata
    The law doesn't matter.
[08:18] Shin
    He just threw out the law!
[08:19] Shin
    He got sick of trying
    and threw out the law!
[08:21] A
    By that logic, you would
    be a criminal for exposing
[08:24] ---
    us to second-hand smoke!
[08:26] Hijikata
    I'm sorry! Too much smoke for you?!
[08:28] Hijikata
    Please forgive me! Please forgive me!
[08:30] Shin
    This is bad!
[08:31] Shin
    He's about to lose it!
[08:31] Shin
    He's about to turn into a criminal!
[08:33] A
    Could you explain how much
    trouble a person must cause
[08:35] A
    to be considered a criminal?
[08:37] A
    For example...
[08:38] A
    We have an individual getting
    the snot knocked out of him
[08:40] A
    by the woman he keeps stalking.
[08:42] A
    Which one is the criminal?
[08:45] Hijikata
    Uh...
[08:46] Hijikata
    I was just joking.
[08:48] Hijikata
    In reality, policemen are...
[08:51] Hijikata
    ...people involved in the production
    and sale of this Patriot.
[08:54] Shin
    He threw out everything and
    became a Patriot salesman!
[08:56] Shin
    What's going on?!
[08:57] Shin
    Is this a new fad?!
[08:58] C
    Pathetic.
[08:59] C
    You switch jobs when
    the going gets tough?
[09:01] F
    Guess they weren't lying
    when they said the police
[09:03] ---
    in Japan were going to hell.
[09:06] Shin
    Now it's Hijikata-san's turn to lose it.
[09:07] Kagura
    I didn't realize you could
    use the Patriot that way.
[09:10] Tsukuyo
    Stop this foolishness.
[09:12] Shin
    Tsukuyo-san?
[09:13] A
    Please, lady!
[09:15] A
    We want to learn more about
[09:16] ---
    the people who work in Yoshiwara!
[09:18] Tsukuyo
    And I told you to come
    back in a hundred years.
[09:21] Sa
    Ooh!
[09:22] Sa
    Could you at least teach us how to
[09:25] ---
    whip a man in a way
    that brings pleasure?
[09:27] Shin
    There's a very familiar
    freak mixed in there!
[09:31] Tsukuyo
    Now, that's the last
    thing I would teach you.
[09:34] Sa
    I'm in a relationship
    with this guy right now.
[09:36] Sa
    So you'll take responsibility
[09:38] ---
    if something goes wrong
    when the time comes?
[09:40] Shin
    Nothing will go wrong!
[09:41] Shin
    It's all in your head!
[09:43] Tsukuyo
    I guess it'll be too late
    if something goes wrong.
[09:46] Tsukuyo
    Well, it's probably a good idea
[09:48] ---
    to learn the general basics now.
[09:50] Tsukuyo
    Allow me to explain then.
[09:52] Tsukuyo
    If this is that, and this
    is where you do that...
[09:54] Shin
    What are you doing with that Patriot?!
[09:58] C
    That's what girls are like?!
[10:01] Tsukuyo
    I was trying to give them a simple
    explanation without revealing anything...
[10:04] Sa
    Stop playing dumb!
[10:05] Sa
    Teach me the secret
    techniques of Yoshiwara!
[10:07] Kondo
    Well, as you can see, our job isn't
[10:10] ---
    always a walk in the park.
[10:12] Kondo
    However, we never give up.
[10:14] Kondo
    Believe in a better tomorrow
    and stay on the trail.
[10:16] Kondo
    That's how you become a stalker.
[10:17] Shin
    That's not a job!
[10:19] E
    Oh!
[10:19] Kondo
    Yes, what is it?
[10:21] E
    Do you ever want to die?
[10:23] Shin
    What kind of question is that?!
[10:25] Kondo
    A very good question.
[10:26] Shin
    It's not a good question!
[10:28] Kondo
    A job is supposed to be painful.
[10:32] Kondo
    In that case, you should look
    for pain that you can enjoy.
[10:35] Shin
    How can you say that while
    pretending to be a professional?!
[10:37] Madao
    That is naive!
[10:41] Madao
    There are many people with
    jobs they absolutely hate!
[10:45] Madao
    Society needs these people to function!
[10:48] Madao
    Look at me!
[10:50] Madao
    You think I want to be a Patriot?!
[10:53] Shin
    Hey!
[10:54] Shin
    I seriously have no idea what
    a Patriot is supposed to be!
[10:56] Madao
    But I don't have a choice!
[10:58] Madao
    If I don't do this, who will?!
[11:00] Madao
    This world needs Patriots!
[11:03] Shin
    The hell it does!
[11:04] Kondo
    The people who always blame others...
[11:07] Kondo
    ...can never have a better life.
[11:09] Madao
    How would you...
[11:10] Madao
    How would you know how it
    feels to be a Patriot?!
[11:13] Kondo
    I know.
[11:14] Madao
    Huh?
[11:15] Kondo
    After all... After all...
[11:18] Kondo
    I'm working two jobs as
    both a Patriot and a stalker!
[11:21] Shin
    That just means you fail at life!
[11:26] Madao
    Y-You too?
[11:28] Kondo
    Yeah, you don't have to
    bear the burden alone.
[11:31] Kondo
    Ask me for help.
[11:35] Madao
    Th-Thank you.
[11:38] E
    Uh, excuse me.
[11:41] E
    So what's a Patriot?
[11:45] Both
    No idea.
[11:52] Shin
    What are you people doing?
[11:54] Shin
    You grown-ups let a bunch
    of kids bully you around.
[12:00] Shin
    It's the job of a grown-up to
    teach kids what's important.
[12:05] Shin
    We can't let their tour end like this.
[12:11] Mom
    Daigoro, there's a letter for you.
[12:14] Daigoro
    Letter?
SIGN    Invitation to an educational  tour of a Patriot factory.
[12:19] Daigoro
    What's this?
[12:22] A
    Daigoro!
[12:24] A
    You received an invitation too?
[12:26] Daigoro
    Oh, you guys also got one?
SIGN    Invitation to an educational  tour of a Patriot factory.
[12:28] E
    I was gonna ignore it,
[12:30] ---
    but I heard that we'll
    get Dokkiriman stickers.
[12:32] Daigoro
    So, what's a Patriot factory?
SIGN    Welcome to the Patriot Factory
[12:37] Shin
    We've been waiting for you, kids.
[12:40] Kagura
    You brats, I mean, nice children
[12:42] Kagura
    were chosen from around the world
[12:45] ---
    to tour this factory of dreams!
[12:49] Shin
    I'm Pachi!
[12:50] Kagura
    I'm Gura!
[12:51] Both
    We'll be your guides on this
    tour of the factory of dreams!
[12:57] B
    Isn't this a total rip-off of
    Charlie and the Chocolate Factory?
[13:00] A
    Excuse me, what is the
    purpose of this tour?
[13:04] Shin
    What? You don't appreciate
    our invitation?
[13:06] Kagura
    Feel free to leave.
[13:08] Kagura
    But you won't get any
    Dokkiriman stickers.
[13:10] Kagura
    And you'll lose your chance
    to learn what Patriots are.
[13:13] Daigoro
    Who cares about Patriots...
[13:16] Sa
    Look! Look!
[13:17] Sa
    It's a Patriot factory!
[13:19] Sa
    No way! I don't believe it!
[13:20] Tsukuyo
    I never imagined that a Patriot
    factory would be here!
[13:23] Tsukuyo
    I heard that they were only produced by
[13:25] ---
    NASA, the FBI, and the NBA!
[13:28] Sa
    Let's take a look.
[13:30] Tsukuyo
    Wait, Sarutobi!
[13:36] Hijikata
    Chief, I found some suspicious people
[13:39] ---
    who were investigating the Patriot.
[13:40] Hijikata
    I immediately shot them down.
[13:42] Gin
    Roger that.
[13:43] Gin
    So the Succeed Committee
    has finally made its move.
[13:46] Gin
    The time of Ragnarok is upon us.
[13:47] Gin
    We must hasten the
    development of the Patriot.
[13:49] Hijikata
    I also see some funny-looking kids.
[13:51] Hijikata
    Should I take them out?
[13:55] Gin
    They are my guests.
[13:58] Gin
    The last hope of humanity.
[14:00] Gin
    The children who will
    inherit the Patriots.
[14:02] Gin
    Welcome to the Patriot factory tour.
[14:05] Kagura
    Chief!
[14:07] Kagura
    The kids aren't interested
    in the Patriot.
[14:09] Gin
    I see.
[14:10] Gin
    But you've seen too much already.
[14:13] Gin
    Take them out...
[14:16] Kagura
    You can leave.
[14:17] Shin
    Be careful on the way home.
[14:21] Shin
    This way.
[14:22] C
    Seriously! We should leave!
[14:24] B
    They'll kill us if we leave!
[14:27] Daigoro
    We'll have to do as they say and
    tour the Patriot factory.
[14:31] E
    But...
[14:32] Kagura
    Take a look at this.
SIGN    History of the Patriot
[14:34] Shin
    You can see the history and
[14:36] ---
    development of the Patriot here.
[14:38] Shin
    Here, you will find the
    current Patriot design.
[14:42] Shin
    However, Patriots have been
    around since the Jomon period.
[14:45] Shin
    Thanks to trial and error,
[14:46] ---
    we were able to create one of
    the essential tools in our life.
[14:48] C
    I've never used one before.
[14:50] Shin
    This would be the father of the Patriot,
[14:51] Shin
    the oldest one known,
    which was created by
[14:54] ---
    the chief of the Zugomanda tribe.
[14:55] E
    Isn't that a drumstick?
[14:57] Shin
    It may look like one, but
    this is, in fact, a Patriot.
[15:00] Shin
    Look over here.
[15:01] Shin
    It says "not for
    consumption" on the side.
[15:03] A
    It has to be edible if
    there are preservatives!
[15:05] Kagura
    The original Patriot was known as the
[15:09] ---
    boned Patriot or Kin(Patriot)Man.
[15:11] C
    There's only one word
    that would fit in there!
[15:13] Shin
    In the Heian period,
[15:14] Shin
    the Tang ambassador Zugomaru Kakinomoto
[15:17] ---
    altered the design significantly.
[15:19] Shin
    He brought ingredients
    back from the Tang
[15:21] ---
    to make it a Spicy Patriot...
[15:22] A
    That's just spicy chicken!
[15:24] A
    And somebody took a bite out of it!
[15:25] A
    Zugomaru's still got
    some around his mouth!
[15:28] Shin
    And in the Sengoku period,
[15:29] ---
    Zugomanzo turned the
    Patriot into something.
[15:32] A
    Why is it part of a combo now?!
[15:34] C
    Did Zugomanzo even do anything?!
[15:35] C
    This is like the history
    of fried chicken!
[15:37] Shin
    And eventually we reached
    the current Patriot design.
[15:41] A
    Why?!
[15:42] A
    You skipped over the
    most important part!
[15:44] Shin
    Now that you have some basic
    knowledge of the Patriot,
[15:46] Shin
    we'll give you a tour of the factory.
[15:49] Shin
    We'll see how the
    Patriot is constructed.
[15:52] Shin
    As you can see, the Patriot
    is made up of three parts.
[15:58] Shin
    The tissue box, which
    is known as the solid.
[16:00] C
    Uh, you called it a tissue
    box, so why call it the solid?
[16:03] Shin
    The toilet paper, which
    is known as the naked.
[16:06] Shin
    And the stick.
[16:08] A
    Why did you stop coming up with names?!
[16:10] Shin
    You jack in the three
    parts to create a Patriot.
[16:15] Kagura
    Look at the conveyor belt.
[16:17] C
    I don't see a thing.
[16:19] A
    Maybe the place is a mess
    because the chief is dead?
[16:24] All
    The chief is moving down the belt!
[16:27] Kagura
    The first step is to fix
    the broken factory chief.
[16:30] Kids
    That's where you start?!
[16:31] A
    Broken chief?! You're
    the ones who broke him!
[16:34] Shin
    The factory chief was
    broken to begin with.
[16:35] A
    Nobody respects the chief!
[16:38] Kagura
    First, we use tissues
    to wipe up the bloody body.
[16:41] C
    That's one of the
    parts for the Patriot!
[16:42] C
    Start assembling the Patriot already!
[16:44] Shin
    Next, we use toilet paper to
    wipe away his bloody past.
[16:48] C
    Who cares about his past?!
[16:49] C
    Make the Patriot already!
[16:51] Kagura
    And then you use the
    Patriot to wake him up.
[16:54] C
    The Patriot's already finished!
[16:56] C
    Why would you use a Patriot
    to make a Patriot?
[16:58] Shin
    Then you repeat the process three times.
[17:00] C
    You're just abusing him!
[17:02] C
    And aren't these the
    people who were shot?
[17:05] Kagura
    The chief must settle past accounts
    before he can be revived.
[17:08] C
    They're just getting revenge!
SIGN    Heal
[17:10] Shin
    And finally, we send the factory
    chief into the healing machine.
[17:14] Shin
    The factory chief is complete!
[17:16] C
    Nothing changed!
[17:18] Kagura
    This is the completed form
    of the factory chief.
[17:20] Kagura
    He was born broken.
[17:22] C
    What was the point of
    that whole process then?!
[17:24] Shin
    In the second step,
[17:25] ---
    we give the assembled
    factory chief motivation.
[17:28] Shin
    Otherwise known as giving
    the factory chief a goal.
[17:29] C
    Enough with the chief!
[17:31] Shin
    The chief is absolutely necessary
[17:32] ---
    for the production of a Patriot,
[17:34] Shin
    so this can't be avoided.
[17:35] C
    When are you going to make a Patriot?!
[17:37] A
    This is turning into a factory
    for making factory chiefs!
SIGN    I could only see the stars back then.
[17:39] A
    Hm? What's that?
[17:41] A
    They put him in a school uniform.
[17:46] A
    It's so fast!
[17:47] A
    I can barely keep up!
[17:49] C
    Hey! Look over there!
SIGN    Do your best! Become the best  factory chief in Japan!!
[17:51] Both
    Hooray! Hooray! Do your best!
[17:54] A
    Why are they acting like
    he's on a train to Tokyo?!
[17:56] Sa
    We believe in you!
[17:58] ---
    You can become the best
    factory chief in Japan!
[18:00] ---
    You can do it, Facto!
[18:02] A
    His name is Facto?!
[18:04] A
    Hey!
[18:05] A
    What kind of process is this?!
[18:07] C
    Now we have some kind of funky set!
[18:10] Madao
    You want to become a factory chief?!
[18:12] Madao
    You were destined to inherit
[18:13] ---
    my toilet paper business from the
[18:15] ---
    day you were born!
[18:17] A
    Who's that?!
[18:19] Madao
    Go to Edo to work for a tissue factory?!
[18:21] Madao
    Don't look down on me!
[18:22] Madao
    You think that toilet paper's
    only meant for wiping the ass?!
[18:26] B
    Why is the factory chief's father here?!
[18:29] Daigoro
    This must be a flashback.
[18:31] Daigoro
    He was kicked out of his home,
[18:32] ---
    which would explain the previous scene.
[18:34] Kondo
    Darling!
[18:35] Kondo
    Stop it!
[18:37] Kondo
    Our son is making paper in his own way!
[18:41] C
    Now his mother's here?!
[18:42] Madao
    Let me go, Isako!
[18:43] Madao
    This is a discussion between men!
[18:45] Madao
    Ah, Facto!
[18:46] Madao
    Where are you going?!
     I'm not finished with you yet!
SIGN    Roof
[18:50] A
    What are they trying to do?!
[18:51] E
    Oh, he's wearing his old clothes again.
[18:54] Hijikata
    Oh, chief.
[18:55] Hijikata
    Good work.
[18:56] A
    He has a buddy with him now!
[18:58] Hijikata
    Why are you taking a nap here?
[19:01] A
    He's not taking a nap!
[19:02] A
    He's been out cold on the
    conveyor belt this whole time!
[19:05] Hijikata
    Thinking about old times again?
[19:10] Hijikata
    Your old man was really something.
[19:12] Hijikata
    A family of toilet paper men
    who refused to use tissues.
[19:17] Hijikata
    When wiping his ass,
[19:19] ---
    blowing his nose, writing down notes...
[19:22] Hijikata
    He even used toilet paper
    for the tires on his car.
[19:24] A
    Is the last one even necessary?!
[19:26] Hijikata
    You left your home
    because you didn't want
[19:29] ---
    to follow in his footsteps.
[19:31] Hijikata
    And so, you became the
    chief of a tissue factory.
[19:34] Hijikata
    You still refuse to use toilet paper?
[19:39] Hijikata
    You're just as stubborn as your father.
[19:41] Hijikata
    Still, chief...
[19:43] Hijikata
    If your old man saw you now,
[19:46] Hijikata
    I'm sure he'd be willing to use tissues.
[19:53] Kondo
    He never changed...
[19:56] Kondo
    He was always so stubborn.
[20:00] Kondo
    He used toilet paper to wipe
    his ass and blow his nose.
[20:04] Kondo
    When your tissues first went on sale,
[20:06] ---
    he used toilet paper
    to wipe away the tears.
[20:09] Kondo
    Tissues weren't good enough for him.
[20:12] A
    Chief!
[20:14] A
    What are you thinking?!
[20:16] A
    You really think this
    product will sell?!
[20:18] B
    I can't go along with this!
[20:19] C
    Hey, did you hear?
[20:20] C
    The chief has come up
    with a crazy new product.
[20:25] Daigoro
    D-Don't tell me...
[20:27] C
    His job's on the line.
[20:28] C
    But he insists on going
    through with the idea.
[20:31] Daigoro
    It can't be...
[20:32] D
    Hey, what kind of product
    are we talking about?
[20:35] Daigoro
    No way...
[20:36] Gin
    Toilet paper and tissue join together.
[20:39] Gin
    The ultimate paper for
    wiping away your tears.
[20:44] Daigoro
    Th-That's the Patriot!
[20:50] Gin
    We will now proceed to the final
    step for creating a Patriot.
[20:55] B
    Look! Above the conveyor belt!
[20:58] Madao
    Come, Patriot factory chief!
[21:05] Shin
    Do you still think that
    Patriots are trash?
[21:09] Kagura
    Do you still think that
    this job is trash?
[21:13] Shin
    Jobs aren't meant to be compared.
[21:15] Shin
    When you willingly work for
    the sake of someone else,
[21:18] Shin
    you're doing your job.
[21:20] Shin
    Every job deserves respect.
[21:23] Shin
    Because the world needs
    all of us to do our jobs.
[21:28] Shin
    Would you like to try doing your job?
[21:33] Both
    Go help the factory chief.
[21:38] Gin
    K-Kids...
[21:41] Kids
    You should have just gotten
    your ass off the conveyor belt!
[21:47] A
    Good work, everyone.
[21:48] E
    Yeah, we took out the trash.
[21:51] Daigoro
    Those damn fools wasted our
    time with that stupid show.
[21:56] Shin
    That was an educational experience.
[21:58] Kagura
    Yep.
SIGN    Next Episode: What Happens 
    Twice Can Happen Thrice
[23:30] Gin
    Next time:
[23:31] Gin
    What happens twice can happen thrice!
[23:34] ---
    

E217 - What Happens Twice Can Happen Thrice
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Greater Edo Pool
[01:41] Gin
    Okay, time for a break!
[01:43] Gin
    Your lips must have turned purple by now.
[01:45] Gin
    Get out of the water for ten minutes, you stupid kids.
[01:47] A
    What? I'm fine!
[01:48] B
    Leave us alone, lifeguard guy!
[01:50] Gin
    Have it your way.
[01:52] Gin
    But if you don't play it safe in the pool, you'll be sorry.
[01:55] Gin
    Don't come crying to me then.
[01:58] A
    You can't scare us!
[02:00] B
    Hey, let's play tag!
[02:03] Gin
    What's wrong?!
[02:04] Kagura
    Lifeguard guy!
[02:06] Kagura
    My friend needs help!
[02:08] Kagura
    His lips started to turn purple,
[02:10] Kagura
    but then it spread
[02:12] Kagura
    until his entire body was purple!
[02:15] Gin
    You idiot!
[02:16] Gin
    I warned you!
[02:17] Gin
    Luckily, the purple germs
[02:18] ---
    haven't spread to his glasses!
[02:20] Gin
    Find a warm blanket, some warm soup,
[02:22] ---
    a warm household, and warm glasses at once!
[02:25] Gin
    Come back, Ishikawa!
[02:29] Kid
    The purple germs will get us!
[02:33] Gin
    Now you know how scary the pool is...
[02:35] Madao
    What are you people doing?!
[02:37] Madao
    I told you to make sure none of the customers drowned in fear!
[02:40] Madao
    Why are you scaring them away?!
[02:42] Gin
    Hasegawa-san, the pool is a death trap.
[02:45] Gin
    These kids need to experience the pain
[02:47] ---
    of getting water up your nose, the infections,
[02:49] Gin
    and the embarrassment of leaving dirty
[02:51] ---
    underwear where everyone can see.
[02:52] Gin
    Once they realize how scary the pool is,
[02:55] ---
    they've earned the right to play in the water.
[02:57] Madao
    They don't need to be scared of turning completely purple!
[03:00] Madao
    Seriously! I finally found a job,
[03:02] ---
    so don't screw this up for me!
[03:03] Madao
    No funny business!
[03:05] Madao
    Watch over the kids as they enjoy their summer,
[03:08] Madao
    and make sure that they make it home safely!
[03:10] Madao
    That's the job of a lifeguard!
[03:12] ---
    Got it?!
[03:13] Both
    Aye aye, sir!
[03:14] Madao
    You don't get to have fun!
[03:17] Madao
    Four Eyes!
[03:18] ---
    You haven't been playing the straight man!
[03:20] Madao
    Do your job, damn it!
[03:21] Gin
    Don't worry.
[03:23] Gin
    They're checking to see if the water is safe.
[03:26] Gin
    I'll be using inception to...
[03:28] Madao
    You just want to take a nap, Idicapriot!
[03:31] Gin
    Hey, give me a break.
[03:34] Gin
    I'm sick of watching kids with
[03:36] ---
    bodies that are as flat as Ken Watanabe.
[03:38] Gin
    I'm here to see girls with some jugs.
[03:43] Madao
    It's summer vacation, so it's mostly kids...
[03:46] Madao
    Whoa, momma. Jackpot!
[03:49] Gin
    Whoo! You're right! She's got jugs!
[03:51] Gin
    Giant jugs!
[03:54] Gin
    Nope...
[03:55] Gin
    It's just a drunk terminator.
[03:58] Seita
    Oh! Gin-san!
[04:00] Seita
    Long time no see!
[04:01] Madao
    Huh? What?
[04:01] Madao
    You know this hot babe?
[04:04] Tsukuyo
    What a coincidence.
[04:05] Tsukuyo
    How have you been?
[04:07] Madao
    Oh, he was doing fine a moment ago,
[04:09] Madao
    but he just died.
[04:11] Gin
    Why are you guys here?
[04:14] Tsukuyo
    Hinowa asked me to teach Seita how to swim.
[04:18] Tsukuyo
    Anyway, I didn't know what to expect from a pool,
[04:22] Tsukuyo
    but it seems to be just like Yoshiwara.
[04:23] Tsukuyo
    Men and women enjoying themselves
[04:25] ---
    without any clothes on.
[04:26] Madao
    No, you're wrong!
[04:27] Madao
    That's not what this place is for!
[04:29] Seita
    Tsukuyo-nee!
[04:30] Seita
    I wanna go down the slide!
[04:32] Tsukuyo
    Wait. First, you learn how to swim.
[04:35] Madao
    That's right.
[04:36] Madao
    The slide is too dangerous for someone who can't swim,
[04:37] ---
    so start with the kiddie pool...
[04:39] Tsukuyo
    First, you pour this over your body.
[04:40] Madao
    That would be for an adult pool!
[04:42] Tsukuyo
    Next, you sit down on this stool and spread your legs.
[04:45] Madao
    Hey!
[04:46] Madao
    What the hell are you teaching him?!
[04:49] Madao
    This isn't a Yoshiwara pool!
[04:50] Tsukuyo
    Let's go then.
[04:51] Madao
    Wait!
[04:56] Madao
    We're going too fast because of the lotion!
[04:58] Madao
    Run away, everyone!
[05:11] Seita
    That was awesome, Tsukuyo-nee!
[05:12] Seita
    Again! Again!
[05:14] Tsukuyo
    One more time and that's it.
[05:16] Madao
    W-Wait...
[05:19] C
    Look! There's a body floating on the water!
[05:21] Madao
    Shit! Did someone get hit?!
[05:24] Madao
    There's been an accident on my watch!
[05:30] Zura
    Elizabeth! The watermelon's nice and cold now!
[05:33] Zura
    Let's split it open...
[05:39] Madao
    We're losing customers because of those idiots.
[05:43] Madao
    We have to keep an eye on the kids,
[05:45] ---
    and any adults who might teach the kids strange games.
[05:47] Gin
    Good, I have an excuse to look around for girls with jugs.
[05:51] Madao
    The most dangerous adult is standing right next to me, I think.
[05:54] Madao
    What?!
[05:55] Madao
    An adult in the kiddie pool teaching a kid how to swim!
[05:57] Madao
    Adults aren't allowed in there!
[05:59] Gin
    What?! She's got big jugs?!
[06:01] Madao
    No, I'd call those tasteful cups.
[06:03] Gin
    She's wearing a cup?
[06:05] Gin
    Oh, that's what you meant.
[06:07] Madao
    Hey, wait a moment!
[06:08] Madao
    The kid is...
[06:10] Madao
    Is she really a kid?
[06:11] Madao
    She's pretty big.
[06:13] Madao
    I think she's taller than the beanpole with cups.
[06:15] Gin
    Kids these days get plenty to eat,
[06:17] ---
    so they grow vertically.
[06:19] Gin
    Look, it's Robert De Flato.
[06:21] Madao
    Isn't that a man?
[06:23] Madao
    That's the body of a boy.
[06:26] Gin
    Huh?
[06:27] Gin
    It suddenly got dark.
[06:28] Madao
    Same here.
[06:30] Otae
    Who were you calling Robert De Flato?
[06:33] Gin
    M-My mistake...
[06:35] Madao
    You must be Sylvester Stallone.
[06:36] ---
    Can I have an autograph?
[06:39] Otae
    Are you blind?!
[06:50] Gin
    I-I see...
[06:51] Gin
    Tasteful cups on a beanpole...
[06:59] Kyu
    This is why I didn't want to come!
[07:01] Kyu
    I hate swimsuits! I hate the pool!
[07:02] Otae
    Kyu-chan!
[07:04] Otae
    The hell are you bastards doing?!
[07:06] Otae
    Do you want me to strangle you?!
[07:08] Gin
    You've got it wrong!
[07:09] Gin
    We were doing our job as lifeguards!
[07:11] Otae
    Zip it!
[07:13] Otae
    Your noses are bleeding, you pervs!
[07:15] Gin
    Our noses?!
[07:16] Gin
    We're bleeding everywhere, thanks to you two!
[07:18] Gin
    Anyway, this is the kiddie pool!
[07:20] Gin
    Adults aren't allowed in here!
[07:22] Otae
    Don't blame us!
[07:23] Otae
    Kyu-chan can't swim, so she was practicing here!
[07:26] Otae
    Sorry, Kyu-chan.
[07:28] Otae
    It's my fault for forcing you to come here...
[07:35] Gin
    Kyu-chan looks pretty happy!
[07:37] Gin
    She's taking full advantage of the situation!
[07:39] Otae
    Enough is enough!
[07:41] Otae
    We're turning you in to the police!
[07:43] Otae
    That's the quickest solution!
[07:44] Gin
    This is all a misunderstanding!
[07:46] Kondo
    Otae-san!
[07:47] Kondo
    Allow me to handle this!
[07:49] Kondo
    I have proof of their crime on tape!
[07:51] Kondo
    I'll arrest them on the spot!
[07:53] Otae
    Arrest yourself!
[07:55] Tojo
    Lady!
[07:56] Tojo
    I have filmed the evildoings of that cop!
[07:59] Tojo
    The stalker is finished!
[08:00] Tojo
    Our plan is a success!
[08:02] Kyu
    I was never part of any plan!
[08:04] Sa
    I did it, Gin-san!
[08:06] Sa
    I finally got a shot of your willy peeking out!
[08:08] Gin
    You have nothing to do with what's going on here!
[08:11] A
    Blood! Blood's coming from the other pool!
[08:14] Madao
    The customers are running away again!
[08:16] Madao
    Wait!
[08:17] C
    Hey! There's also someone bleeding over there!
[08:20] Madao
    Hey! Hold on!
[08:22] Madao
    I don't believe this!
[08:23] Madao
    Somebody's died on my watch!
[08:27] Katsura
    Got it!
[08:31] Katsura
    Elizabeth, start the fire!
[08:32] Katsura
    We'll feast like kings tonight!
[08:37] Shin
    That's such a blast!
[08:38] Seita
    I know!
[08:39] Seita
    Tsukuyo-nee! Again! Just one more time!
[08:46] Madao
    Only the idiots are left now.
[08:50] Madao
    This is the busiest time of the year.
[08:53] Gin
    Look at it this way, Hasegawa-san.
[08:55] Gin
    An accident was bound to happen
[08:57] ---
    with these idiots around.
[08:59] Gin
    You should be glad that those kids are gone.
[09:02] Gin
    Fortunately, these guys can take a beating,
[09:04] ---
    so we can just leave them alone.
[09:06] Gin
    Let's get some rest today.
[09:11] Madao
    I see. You're right.
[09:15] Madao
    If Jump can go on summer vacation, why can't we?!
[09:19] Gin
    That's right!
[09:20] Gin
    The only people who watch this show
[09:21] Gin
    are the ones who don't feel like watching the news!
[09:23] Gin
    Nobody will notice if we take a week off!
[09:25] Madao
    Damn!
[09:26] Madao
    You've got me all fired up now!
[09:29] Madao
    Can I take off my clothes?!
[09:30] Madao
    Can I do the butterfly butt naked?!
[09:32] Gin
    Can I make a pool of strawberry milk?!
[09:34] Gin
    Can I drown in a pool of strawberry milk?!
[09:35] Madao
    Doesn't matter! Doesn't matter!
[09:37] Madao
    Cause today, this place...
[09:39] Both
    ...is our paradise!
[09:49] Matsu
    Hey.
[09:51] Matsu
    Didn't you hear me talking to you, kiddo?
[09:55] Matsu
    Let me borrow some swimming trunks.
[09:58] Gin
    Th-That's...
[10:01] Matsu
    Man, my buddy suddenly got the urge to swim.
[10:05] Matsu
    A cabaret club would be better, damn it.
[10:09] Matsu
    So, we don't have our swimsuits since
[10:11] ---
    this came out of nowhere.
[10:13] Matsu
    A pool like this should have plenty to rent.
[10:16] Matsu
    If not, you've got three seconds to take off your trunks!
[10:20] Matsu
    One!
[10:21] Shogun
    Katakuriko, no violence.
[10:24] Shogun
    There's no need to worry.
[10:26] Gin
    Th-That's...
[10:28] Gin
    Don't tell me that's...!
[10:34] Shogun
    Shoguns have traditionally gone swimming in tighty whities.
[10:39] Both
    The...  The...
[10:41] Both
    Shogun?!
SIGN    What Happens Twice Can Happen Thrice
SIGN    Greater Edo Pool
[10:48] Matsu
    Come on, are you sure?
[10:51] Matsu
    Everyone will be able to see through
[10:52] ---
    those tighty whities once they're wet.
[10:54] Matsu
    We'll have an Abarenbo Shogun
[10:55] ---
    on the loose before it's Saturday night.
[10:57] Shogun
    It cannot be avoided.
[10:59] Shogun
    Shoguns have traditionally been lonely down there.
[11:02] Both
    I-Is that really the problem here?
[11:05] Shogun
    I've always been interested in swimming in a pool.
[11:07] Shogun
    This is an excellent opportunity for me to experience
[11:10] ---
    the life of a common citizen.
[11:13] Matsu
    Man, you've got weird interests.
[11:16] Matsu
    I'll be waiting at the usual cabaret club.
[11:20] Matsu
    Hey, boys.
[11:21] Matsu
    Teach him how to have fun at the pool.
[11:23] Matsu
    Just so you know, we snuck out.
[11:26] Matsu
    Don't let anyone find out that he's the shogun.
[11:29] Matsu
    Oh, if anything happens to him,
[11:31] ---
    our heads will be rolling around the ground.
[11:33] Matsu
    Keep that in mind.
[11:35] Both
    W-Wait a moment!
[11:38] Shogun
    Call me Sho-chan.
[11:39] Shogun
    Let's enjoy ourselves.
[11:41] Gin
    I-I was all ready to enjoy having the pool to myself!
[11:45] Gin
    Why did the shogun have to show up now?!
[11:47] Gin
    Why does the shogun always show up at the worst possible time?!
SIGN    Disinfection
[11:49] Gin
    Why is he only washing himself down there?!
[11:52] Gin
    This isn't funny.
[11:54] Gin
    We aren't dealing with a normal pool here!
[11:57] Gin
    The idiots of Edo are all
[11:58] ---
    on vacation here at the same time...
[12:01] Gin
    This is the Bermuda Triangle of Idiots!
[12:04] Shogun
    They seem to be enjoying themselves.
[12:06] Shogun
    I would like to join them.
[12:09] Gin
    Sending the shogun out there
[12:12] Gin
    would be like throwing a
[12:14] ---
    naked MatsuKen with maracas to the sharks!
[12:17] Madao
    Wh-What do we do, Gin-san?!
[12:19] Gin
    It's too late to worry about it now.
[12:22] Gin
    We'll have to keep those idiots in line,
[12:24] Gin
    while entertaining the shogun until he leaves!
[12:27] Gin
    Give the shogun a cap and goggles
[12:30] ---
    so they don't recognize him!
[12:32] Gin
    Uh, excuse me, everyone?
[12:35] Kagura
    What's up?
[12:36] Kagura
    Do you want to join us?
[12:38] Gin
    Uh, well...
[12:40] Gin
    There's this Sho-chan person...
[12:43] Gin
    He wants to join in the fun.
[12:46] Otae
    We don't mind at all.
[12:49] Kondo
    Alrighty then. Let's welcome him aboard, Otae-san.
[12:52] Sa
    I think it's cute.
[12:53] Sa
    Some kids don't know how to make friends.
[12:56] Tojo
    Come on down, Sho-chan!
[12:58] Tojo
    I already consider you a friend!
[13:00] Tojo
    But you aren't allowed to talk to the Lady!
[13:02] Gin
    Yeah, you people shouldn't be talking.
[13:04] Tsukuyo
    It's fine with us,
[13:07] Tsukuyo
    but isn't he in his underwear instead of a swimsuit?
[13:10] Kyu
    Good point.
[13:11] Kyu
    Isn't that against the rules?
[13:13] Kyu
    He's making me uncomfortable.
[13:15] Sa
    There isn't much of a difference
[13:16] ---
    between underwear and a swimsuit.
[13:18] Sa
    10th and 14th shouldn't be so stingy!
[13:20] Shin
    Are you people ever going to get over that?
[13:22] Kagura
    They're different!
[13:23] Kagura
    Underwear is dirty because you wear it for a long time!
[13:26] Gin
    No, it's okay.
[13:28] Gin
    His underwear is clean
[13:29] Gin
    since he comes from a pretty high-class background.
[13:30] Otae
    I can see something on his underwear.
[13:32] Gin
    Huh? What?
[13:33] Gin
    Stop!
[13:33] Gin
    He'll hear you, so stop!
[13:34] Kondo
    She's right!
[13:35] Kondo
    The tip is a little moist.
[13:37] Gin
    I said to stop!
[13:38] Gin
    That's just the disinfectant!
[13:40] Otae
    Are you sure about that?
[13:42] Otae
    We should check the other side.
[13:44] Otae
    Excuse me!
[13:46] Otae
    Could you turn around?
[13:47] Gin
    There isn't any poop on his underwear!
[13:50] Madao
    Ah! Wait!
[13:53] Gin
    You idiots!
[13:54] Gin
    What do we do now?!
[13:55] Otae
    Since he left, he must have had poop on his underwear.
[13:57] Otae
    Close call...
[13:58] Sa
    How frightening...
[14:01] Tsukuyo
    Wait a moment.
[14:02] Tsukuyo
    He's back.
[14:04] Seita
    Oh, he's wearing swim trunks.
[14:05] Tojo
    Well, so he brought a swimsuit.
[14:08] Shin
    Huh?
[14:09] Shin
    Did he just trade with Hasegawa-san?
[14:12] Gin
    Who cares?! He's wearing a swimsuit now!
[14:14] Kagura
    But there's a 60% chance that
[14:16] ---
    Madao's trunks are dirtier than a pair of underwear.
[14:19] Gin
    What's that supposed to mean?!
[14:20] Otae
    Kagura-chan, you've got it wrong.
[14:23] Gin
    She's out of control, right?!
[14:24] Otae
    There's a 100% chance that Hasegawa-san's are dirtier.
[14:26] Gin
    How cruel can you get?!
[14:28] Otae
    Besides, there's something on Hasegawa-san's trunks.
[14:32] Kondo
    She's right!
[14:32] Kondo
    The tip is a little moist!
[14:34] Gin
    Hey! Why do you keep getting your pants wet, Sho-chan?!
[14:36] Tojo
    What's wrong with that man?!
[14:37] Tojo
    How many times will he release his load before he's satisfied?!
[14:40] Gin
    Don't make it sound dirty!
[14:42] Sa
    Stay out!
[14:43] Sa
    I don't want to become pregnant with a child that isn't Gin-san's!
[14:45] Gin
    Stop!
[14:46] Gin
    He's a naive child, so stop!
[14:51] Madao
    Uh...  Let's introduce him again.
[14:54] Gin
    This is Sho-chan...
[14:55] Gin
    Everyone be nice now.
[14:58] Otae
    Um...
[15:00] Otae
    Don't let him off the boat.
[15:02] Kagura
    Make sure he doesn't touch the water.
[15:06] Madao
    A-Are you sure about this?
[15:08] Madao
    The shogun wants to be friends,
[15:09] ---
    but they won't even let him in the water.
[15:12] Madao
    The shogun hasn't even touched the water,
[15:15] ---
    and his goggles are soaked!
[15:17] Madao
    This is bad! He's really mad!
[15:19] ---
    We're dead! They'll cut off our heads!
[15:21] Gin
    Calm down.
[15:22] Gin
    We just have to give him a summer experience that he'll never forget.
[15:25] Gin
    What does summer make you think of?
[15:26] Gin
    What does the pool make you think of?
[15:27] Gin
    What do swimsuits make you think of?
[15:29] Madao
    You can't mean...!
[15:31] Gin
    Okay, we have enough people now, so let's get started!
[15:35] Gin
    The Exciting Underwater Cavalry Battle for Samurai!
[15:42] Madao
    N-Nipslips!
[15:45] Madao
    Women grabbing at each other in the water!
[15:48] Madao
    With heaving bosoms!
[15:51] Madao
    Gin-san, this will work!
[15:53] Madao
    We can turn the shogun's tears of sorrow into tears of joy!
[15:58] Gin
    Okay, break up into pairs.
[16:02] Gin
    One person will be the rider on the boat!
[16:04] Gin
    The other will be the horse who pulls the boat!
[16:05] Gin
    If the rider falls off the boat
[16:07] ---
    or loses his headband, you lose!
[16:10] Gin
    Well, things other than the headband may also be pulled off
[16:13] ---
    in the process...
[16:16] Seita
    Let's play! Let's play! Let's play!
[16:17] Kondo
    Boat! Bring me a boat!
[16:19] Madao
    They caught on.
[16:21] Madao
    You're good, Gin-san.
[16:22] Madao
    You've convinced the guys
[16:23] ---
    to help us without realizing what's going on!
[16:27] Gin
    Why would...?
[16:29] Gin
    Why are the guys on the boats?!
[16:31] Gin
    We can already see your nipples!
[16:34] Gin
    These guys are so desperate to see skin
[16:36] Gin
    that they haven't realized how it's impossible with this set up!
[16:40] Sa
    I can be Gin-san's horse!
[16:42] Sa
    Gin-san's gonna ride me!
[16:44] Gin
    I have no idea what she's even trying to do!
[16:48] Gin
    Hey, enough of this crap!
[16:50] Gin
    Hasegawa-san's about to turn into a castaway!
[16:55] Gin
    Use your head before you pair up.
[16:56] Gin
    The stronger partner should be the horse!
[16:59] Kagura
    That's what we did.
[17:00] Gin
    She's right!
[17:01] Gin
    The girls are all stronger here!
[17:03] Otae
    You were probably planning something dirty.
[17:06] Otae
    I could see right through you.
[17:07] Gin
    Nobody wants to see your crater of a chest!
[17:10] Gin
    We're not on the moon!
[17:11] Kondo
    Otae-san! I'm prepared to explore every crater on you...
[17:15] Kondo
    ...to find the nipple!
[17:16] Otae
    You want me to strangle you?!
[17:18] Tsukuyo
    Don't play dumb.
[17:20] Tsukuyo
    It's written all over your faces.
[17:21] Seita
    Where?!
[17:22] Seita
    We weren't going to do anything dirty!
[17:25] Seita
    Right, Gin-san?!
[17:26] Gin
    Yeah.
[17:27] Gin
    Nobody was thinking about anything dirty.
[17:31] Gin
    The Shogun was?!
[17:33] Gin
    Uh,  excuse me, Sho-chan?
[17:35] Gin
    You're getting carried away with the fantasizing...
[17:37] Gin
    You're giving away the plan...
[17:40] Shogun
    Shoguns have traditionally been
[17:41] ---
    too excited to go to sleep the night before a field trip.
[17:44] Gin
    I don't care!
[17:45] Gin
    Could you go to sleep right now?!
[17:48] Gin
    Okay!  We'll use rock, paper, scissors!
[17:50] Gin
    The winner decides if he wants to be the rider or the horse!
[17:53] Gin
    And the loser has to dive from the highest spot!
[17:56] Tsukuyo
    How is that related to the cavalry battle?
[17:58] Gin
    Who cares?! It's more fun when there's a penalty!
[18:01] Gin
    Heh, a dive from that height is
[18:03] ---
    guaranteed to shift a girl's swimsuit.
[18:05] Gin
    If we don't get a nipslip, we'll at least get to see some camel toe!
[18:07] All
    Rock, paper, scissors!
[18:08] Gin
    You girls better get ready to show some skin!
[18:17] Gin
    It's the Shogun?!
[18:19] Gin
    Hey, Sho-chan.
[18:21] Gin
    Don't you realize who I'm doing this for?!
[18:23] Shogun
    Shoguns have traditionally worn tighty whities,
[18:25] ---
    but the thong is not bad at all.
[18:27] Gin
    Why are you picking up weird urges?!
[18:29] Tsukuyo
    Hey, how is this fun?
[18:31] Tsukuyo
    We're looking at an old man with a wedgie.
[18:34] Gin
    Shut up!
[18:34] Gin
    You'll never see a more noble wedgie in your lifetime!
[18:37] Otae
    You were probably planning something dirty again.
[18:41] Otae
    I can see right through you.
[18:42] Gin
    Nobody wants to see your camel toe!
[18:44] Gin
    I'm not Lawrence of Arabia!
[18:46] Kondo
    Otae-san! I have no interest in camel toe!
[18:48] Otae
    You don't?!
[18:49] Kyu
    Don't play dumb.
[18:50] Kyu
    The jig is up.
[18:51] Tojo
    I would never dare!
[18:53] Tojo
    We had pure intentions!
[18:55] Tojo
    Isn't that right, Gintoki-dono?
[18:56] Kyu
    How do you explain that then?
SIGN    SS Adventurer
[18:58] ---
    Departure!
[18:59] Gin
    The SS Adventurer?!
SIGN    SS Adventurer
[19:01] Kyu
    You were going to use him to trick us
[19:03] ---
    into embarking on a dangerous adventure.
[19:06] Gin
    Why would this image
[19:07] ---
    make you want to go on an adventure?!
[19:09] Gin
    He's clearly a victim!
[19:11] Kyu
    That hole was asking for a flag to be planted.
[19:14] Kyu
    What a naughty trap...
[19:15] Gin
    You people are the naughty ones when
[19:16] ---
    you're planting flags down there!
[19:18] Gin
    Sho-chan!
[19:19] Shogun
    SS Adventurers have traditionally
[19:20] ---
    been boats for carrying adventurers...
[19:23] Gin
    Get a hold of yourself!
[19:24] Gin
    You're not the SS Adventurer!
[19:25] Gin
    You're the almighty shogun!
[19:27] Kagura
    If you're so desperate for nipslips and camel toe,
[19:29] ---
    you should change the rules.
[19:31] Gin
    Huh?
[19:33] Kagura
    Cut straight to the chase.
[19:34] Kagura
    If your naughty parts are exposed, you lose.
[19:36] Kagura
    How's that?
[19:37] Otae
    I like it.
[19:38] Kyubei
    A brilliant idea.
[19:39] Tsukuyo
    All the skin you could ever want.
[19:40] Tsukuyo
    Isn't that nice?
[19:41] Gin
    Hold it right there!
[19:42] Gin
    It's painfully obvious that this is going to end badly!
[19:46] Girls
    Okay, let's start!
[19:48] Gin
    Hey! Who said you could start?!
[19:50] Gin
    This isn't funny!
[19:52] Gin
    I can't let the shogun embarrass himself again!
[19:55] Tojo
    You won't escape!
[19:57] Tojo
    Lady! Are you watching my heroics?!
[20:00] Gin
    Hey! Stop screwing around!
[20:02] Gin
    You're crushing Sho-chan's crotch!
[20:04] Gin
    This is bad!
[20:05] Gin
    It's gonna snap! It's gonna snap!
[20:06] Gin
    Pull up! Pull up your underwear, Sho-chan!
[20:10] Gin
    Too much!
[20:12] Gin
    Didn't he lose already?!
[20:13] Gin
    If not, he's certainly lost the little dignity he had left!
[20:18] Gin
    Hey! Enough already! Stop it!
[20:21] Seita
    Let go, Shin-nii!
[20:23] Seita
    His underwear is mine!
[20:24] Gin
    What are these people doing?!
[20:25] Shin
    I won't let anyone, not even a friend, take this from me!
[20:27] Gin
    Why are you fighting to the death over a guy's underwear?!
[20:30] Kondo
    I won't lose!
[20:31] Kondo
    This is for Otae-san...
[20:33] All
    For the girls and their dreams of seeing male skin!
[20:36] Gin
    They don't give a damn about you!
[20:38] Gin
    They're busy playing beach volleyball!
[20:40] Gin
    Hell, he's not wearing that underwear anymore!
[20:43] Gin
    It's completely off!
[20:44] Gin
    It's not even underwear anymore!
[20:45] Gin
    Have some shame, okay?!
[20:48] Gin
    He walked over to buy a can of coffee!
[20:51] Gin
    He walked over with his underwear stretched
[20:52] ---
    out so far that he's basically naked!
[20:54] Shin
    I-Impossible!
[20:56] Kondo
    We can't even make him budge!
[21:00] All
    Who is this man?!
[21:18] Shogun
    Shoguns have traditionally worn elastic tighty whities.
[21:32] Shogun
    I appreciate your help.
[21:34] Shogun
    The pool is a fun place.
[21:38] Shogun
    Thank you for providing me with a wonderful summer experience.
[21:40] Shogun
    May I come back next summer?
[21:46] Zura
    This lotion is great!
[21:49] Zura
    I feel like I can topple the Bakufu right now!
[21:51] Zura
    Okay! One more time, Elizabeth!
SIGN    Greater Edo Pool
[21:56] Gin
    No more...
SIGN    Next Episode The Pincers of a Crab Can Snip Through a Friendship
[23:30] Shin
    Next time:
[23:32] Shin
    The pincers of a crab can snip through a friendship!

E218 - The Claws of a Crab Can Snip Through a Friendship
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    The Claws of a Crab Can Snip Through a Friendship
[01:37] Shin
    Whoa! Isn't this a crab, Gin-san?!
[01:40] Shin
    What's the occasion?
[01:41] Gin
    One of Gran's old friends
[01:42] ---
    gave her so many that she's sick of eating them,
[01:45] Gin
    so she's sharing the wealth.
[01:47] Shin
    Seriously?!
[01:48] Shin
    It's been forever since I've had crab!
[01:51] Shin
    Uh...
[01:53] Shin
    She only gave us one?
[01:55] Gin
    Yeah, she asked me how many I wanted,
[01:57] ---
    so I told her I wanted a boxful...
[02:00] Kagura
    Damn hag!
[02:02] Kagura
    Why is she giving us riddles like the Sphinx?!
[02:05] Kagura
    This isn't Ikkyu-san!
[02:06] Kagura
    I'm gonna "riddle me that!"
[02:10] Gin
    Calm down, kids.
[02:11] Gin
    Listen to me.
[02:12] Gin
    Do you know why a crab has so many legs?
[02:15] Gin
    So we can share them.
[02:18] Gin
    Since the beginning of time, humans have
[02:21] ---
    fought many foolish wars over crabs.
[02:23] Gin
    Such as the Battle of Sekigahara
[02:24] ---
    and the Battle of Okehazama.
[02:26] Shin
    Uh, that's news to me.
[02:29] Gin
    And so, the Holy Crab in Heaven...
[02:31] Shin
    What's a Holy Crab?
[02:32] Shin
    How did God turn into a crab?
[02:34] Gin
    Gave crabs more legs to end
[02:36] ---
    the tragic conflicts and allow us
[02:39] ---
    to eat crab together.
[02:41] Gin
    However, crabs could no longer
[02:43] ---
    move forwards or backwards.
[02:46] Gin
    Is it right to force the Holy Crab to live a sideways life?
[02:49] Gin
    Is it right to force him to purely go
[02:51] ---
    scissors without any missionary or doggy style?
[02:53] Shin
    This conversation has gotten very weird.
[02:56] Gin
    Let's do this peacefully.
[02:58] Gin
    I'm sick of all the fighting over food,
[02:59] ---
    like whenever we have a hot pot.
[03:01] Shin
    That's true.
[03:02] Shin
    Let's share this crab.
[03:05] Gin
    If we include the claws, this thing has ten legs.
[03:07] Gin
    There's plenty for everyone here.
[03:10] Shin
    But how do we split ten legs between three people?
[03:12] Shin
    One will be left over...
[03:15] Shin
    Huh? What's going on?
[03:16] Kagura
    A blackout?
SIGN    Power outage at Odd Jobs
[03:18] Gin
    What the hell?
[03:19] ---
    We were getting to the good part.
[03:20] Shin
    I'll go check the circuit breaker.
[03:24] Shin
    Ow!
[03:26] Gin
    Come on, staff.
[03:28] Gin
    You're already out of steam after the Four Devas arc?
[03:30] Gin
    Stop slackin' off!
[03:31] Shin
    Wait, this was in the manga.
[03:34] Shin
    The author was overwhelmed
[03:35] ---
    with that one-shot collection business.
[03:37] Gin
    What?
[03:38] ---
    He wouldn't be doing one-shots
[03:39] ---
    if he kept slackin' on his main series, stupid!
[03:40] Kagura
    Yeah, stupid!
[03:42] Kagura
    Super Legend, my ass!
[03:44] Kagura
    A bunch of one-shots from big shots?
[03:45] Gin
    One of those guys clearly doesn't fit!
[03:48] Gin
    There's a gorilla in the mix!
[03:49] Kagura
    And he was unabashed about it!
[03:51] Kagura
    Don't get too cocky, dammit!
[03:53] Shin
    What are you guys talking about?
[03:55] Shin
    I just checked the circuit breaker and it's fine.
[03:58] Shin
    Power's back.
[04:00] Shin
    Okay, let's get started then...
[04:03] Shin
    Uh, excuse me...
[04:05] Shin
    The Holy Crab was injured during the blackout.
[04:08] Gin
    Maybe he bumped into the table?
[04:10] Shin
    Yeah, a leg is missing.
[04:13] Kagura
    It wasn't me!
[04:15] Kagura
    I'm not evil enough to steal food while the power's out!
[04:18] Shin
    It obviously wasn't me!
[04:19] Shin
    So it was one of you two!
[04:20] Kagura
    What was that?!
[04:22] Kagura
    You probably swiped the leg
[04:23] Kagura
    when you were pretending to go check the circuit breaker!
[04:25] Kagura
    You said ow!
[04:26] Kagura
    You probably cut yourself on the crab!
[04:27] Shin
    I hit my head on the screen!
[04:29] Gin
    Hey, cut it out!
[04:31] Gin
    It's not possible to eat one
[04:32] ---
    of those shelled monsters in the dark.
[04:35] Gin
    Now, we have a number that divides perfectly into three.
[04:40] Gin
    The Holy Crab must have been trying to stop us from fighting.
[04:45] Gin
    Okay, enough bickering.
[04:47] Gin
    Each of us gets three legs...
[04:49] Shin
    You only get two!
[04:51] Kagura
    Your mouth is bleeding because you didn't remove the shell!
[04:54] Shin
    How desperate were you?!
[04:56] Gin
    What are you guys talking about?
[04:58] Gin
    When we were trashing that Legends mess during the blackout,
[05:01] ---
    a gorilla appeared and smacked me hard.
[05:04] Shin
    Who would believe that story?!
[05:05] Gin
    The missing crab leg was also him, I'm guessing.
[05:08] Gin
    It's pretty bad.
[05:09] Gin
    He must be completely stressed out.
[05:11] All
    Ah!
[05:12] Shin
    Damn, another blackout.
SIGN    Power outage at Odd Jobs
[05:14] Shin
    Gin-san, don't move an inch.
[05:15] Shin
    One more time and you're gonna get it.
[05:17] Gin
    Seriously, it wasn't me.
[05:18] Gin
    Cross my heart and hope to die.
[05:19] Gin
    Careful, guys.
[05:20] Gin
    We don't know when the gorilla will come back.
[05:23] Shin
    Kagura-chan?!
[05:24] Kagura
    Stop!
[05:26] Gin
    Hey! What's wrong, Kagura?!
[05:30] Shin
    Ka-Kagura-chan!
[05:31] Kagura
    My eye... My eye!
[05:33] Gin
    Hold on, Kagura!
[05:35] Gin
    It's okay.
[05:36] Gin
    You just have a cut on your eyelid.
[05:38] Kagura
    A gorilla...
[05:40] ---
    A weird gorilla showed up and took a crab leg...
[05:43] Kagura
    I tried to stop it... But...
[05:45] Gin
    Look, Shinpachi!
[05:47] Gin
    It took another crab leg!
[05:50] Gin
    This is all Legend Gorilla's fault!
[05:52] Shin
    No way!
[05:54] Shin
    Huh?
[05:55] Shin
    There's blood on the claw.
[05:58] Shin
    Didn't you just cut your eye
[05:59] ---
    on the claw when you tried
[06:01] ---
    to eat a crab leg in the dark?
[06:02] Kagura
    No!
[06:04] Kagura
    The gorilla!
[06:05] Kagura
    The gorilla grabbed the crab and stabbed me with it!
[06:09] Shin
    Uh, you're talking with your mouth full.
[06:11] Kagura
    No!
[06:12] Kagura
    I fought back and bit off the gorilla's crotch!
[06:16] Gin
    Damn gorilla...
[06:17] ---
    That should teach you a lesson.
[06:19] Shin
    Enough of this crap.
[06:21] Shin
    Stop blaming the gorilla for everything!
[06:23] Shin
    It's so obvious that you ate those crab legs!
[06:26] Gin
    No, we didn't.
[06:27] Kagura
    It was the gorilla. The gorilla ate them.
[06:31] Shin
    You refuse to own up, huh...
[06:33] Shin
    Fine, have it your way.
[06:38] Shin
    We'll use a candle to prevent any further cheating
[06:40] ---
    if the power goes out.
[06:41] Gin
    Oh, good idea.
[06:42] Gin
    Should have done this earlier.
[06:45] Gin
    Not that I ever cheated.
[06:47] Kagura
    I didn't cheat,
[06:48] ---
    but this should keep that gorilla away.
[06:50] Gin
    Since gorillas are afraid of fire.
[06:52] Shin
    Then I'll divide up the legs so we can eat.
[06:55] Gin
    Sure, go ahead.
[06:57] Gin
    Give me a claw.
[06:58] Gin
    I like the tougher meat.
[07:00] Shin
    Okay, that should put an end to their thievery.
[07:04] Shin
    If the power goes out, we'll still have light from the candle.
[07:06] Shin
    Most importantly, the crab is in my hands.
[07:10] Kagura
    Oh, the power went out again.
[07:12] Kagura
    Something's wrong today.
[07:14] Gin
    What's going on?
[07:16] Gin
    I'll go check the circuit breaker.
[07:18] Kagura
    I'll come with you.
[07:20] Gin
    I'm gonna borrow a candle.
[07:25] Shin
    Huh? What are they doing?
[07:27] Shin
    They're leaving me alone with the crab?
[07:30] Shin
    The crab is undefended!
[07:32] Shin
    Is this a trap?!
[07:33] Shin
    Or are they letting me have my way with it?
[07:35] Shin
    Yes, this is the perfect chance!
[07:37] Shin
    I should go for it!
[07:38] Shin
    They already swiped two legs!
[07:41] Shin
    I don't have time to waste!
[07:45] Shin
    Huh?
[07:46] Shin
    There aren't any legs left...
[07:48] Gin
    Huh? This candle won't light.
[07:50] Gin
    This one won't either.
[07:51] Gin
    Nor this one.
[07:52] Kagura
    Hey, Gin-chan.
[07:53] Kagura
    These aren't candles...
[07:57] Kagura
    They're crab legs.
[07:58] Shin
    What?!
[07:59] Gin
    Oh, you're right.
[08:01] Shin
    That was when I realized how foolish I was.
[08:05] Shin
    When I chose to focus on how to divide the legs among three people...
[08:08] Shin
    How to squirrel the extra leg away from them...
[08:11] Shin
    I was thinking too small.
[08:13] Shin
    I lost before I even sat down at the table.
[08:17] Shin
    They never had any intention of sharing a single crab leg.
[08:21] Shin
    My tiny claw could never pierce
[08:24] ---
    through their shamelessly thick shells.
[08:29] Shin
    I will never stand a chance
[08:31] ---
    until I bring out my own giant claws
[08:33] Shin
    for plundering the entire world of every last crab!
[08:37] Gin
    What's up with all the outages?
[08:41] Kagura
    Let's try to get this crab party started again.
[08:44] Shin
    No...
[08:45] Shin
    Only the body and claws are left.
[08:48] Gin
    What's done is done.
[08:50] Gin
    I wasn't expecting people
[08:51] ---
    to mistake crab legs for candles.
[08:53] Shin
    In what world would you find people who
[08:55] ---
    mistake crab legs for candles?
[08:56] Kagura
    It's Shinpachi's fault for leaving the crab legs next to the candles.
[09:00] Shin
    And you're trying to shift the blame to me
[09:01] ---
    instead of apologizing!
[09:03] Gin
    Well, it was an honest mistake.
[09:05] Gin
    Let's forgive him.
[09:06] Kagura
    You're so mature, Gin-chan!
[09:08] Kagura
    Hey, Shinpachi.
[09:09] Kagura
    Divide the crab into three equal portions.
[09:12] Shin
    How can you people have the gall to talk about equal?!
[09:17] Shin
    I want to hit them!
[09:19] Shin
    Punch them in the face!
[09:20] Shin
    But if I lose my cool now, they'll win!
[09:24] Shin
    They've been trying to goad me into snapping
[09:26] ---
    with their heavy-handed behavior.
[09:29] Shin
    Forget that shit!
[09:31] Shin
    You guys already ate eight crab legs!
[09:32] Shin
    Three equal portions, my foot!
[09:34] Shin
    The rest is mine!
[09:36] Shin
    That's what they want me to say.
[09:37] Shin
    But they'll have a response prepared.
[09:41] Gin
    Don't be stupid.
[09:42] Gin
    Two of the legs were eaten by that gorilla.
[09:45] Gin
    We each ate three of the remaining six.
[09:47] Gin
    By mistake, I mean...
[09:49] Gin
    Thanks to someone else's mistake...
[09:50] Gin
    Well, you can have the two claws with the tougher meat.
[09:54] Gin
    But we're sharing the body.
[09:57] Shin
    They'll use some kind of absurd logic to
[09:59] ---
    declare that two claws are equal to four legs.
[10:02] Shin
    That's why he said that line.
[10:06] Gin
    Give me a claw.
[10:08] Gin
    I like the tougher meat.
[10:10] Shin
    He was trying to inflate the value of the claws
[10:13] Shin
    as part of his strategy to fool me.
[10:16] Shin
    But it's all a lie!
[10:17] Shin
    The claw may look like it has more than a leg,
[10:21] Shin
    but in reality, it's the same amount of meat!
[10:23] Shin
    That guy was feigning interest in
[10:26] ---
    the claws so he could be rid of them!
[10:37] Shin
    He'll use the claws to distract
[10:39] ---
    me while he aims straight for the body!
[10:41] Shin
    I won't let that happen!
[10:42] Shin
    I'm going to fight back!
[10:44] Shin
    Fine then.
[10:46] Shin
    I'll let you guys have the claws.
[10:50] Shin
    Which means I'm stuck with the body.
[10:53] Gin
    C-Could it be...
[10:55] Gin
    He's using my statement about the claws
[10:57] ---
    against me, to lock me down?!
[11:01] Gin
    Despite all my taunting,
[11:02] ---
    he's stayed calm and seen right through my plan,
[11:05] Gin
    completely ignoring the claws
[11:06] ---
    and going straight for the body!
[11:10] Gin
    And he's pretending that he's doing us a favor
[11:11] Gin
    by taking the body so he can win over the kid.
[11:14] Gin
    A technique practiced by dads around the world!
[11:18] Kagura
    I don't like the body cause it's all squishy and gross.
[11:22] Shin
    Same here.
[11:23] Shin
    But if you like crab legs so much, I'll take the body.
[11:26] Gin
    Yes, the body of a crab is disgusting.
[11:29] Gin
    Women and children tend to avoid it.
[11:31] Gin
    But the dad knows
[11:34] ---
    that the body contains Princess Crab-Paste!
[11:39] Gin
    Shi-Shinpachi...
[11:41] Gin
    You already know the secret of
[11:43] ---
    Princess Crab-Paste at such a young age?!
[11:46] Gin
    Indeed, Princess Crab-Paste is the
[11:48] ---
    ugliest woman of the Sengoku period.
[11:50] Gin
    Yet you know that her repulsive face hides...
[11:52] Gin
    ...the finest lay of the Sengoku period!
[11:58] Shin
    Gin-san, you may have won some small skirmishes,
[12:02] Shin
    but you haven't won the war.
[12:04] Shin
    You must take the body...
[12:06] Shin
    Take Princess Crab-Paste...
[12:08] Shin
    if you wish to become a Crabqueror!
[12:11] Shin
    I will be the one who conquers the world!
[12:17] Shin
    Princess Crab-Paste!
[12:19] Shin
    Are you all right?
[12:21] Shin
    Don't worry! Everything will be okay!
[12:24] Shin
    The Shimura army will keep you safe!
[12:27] Shin
    The Sakata army approaches.
[12:29] Shin
    It is too dangerous here!
[12:30] Shin
    We must escape at once!
[12:34] Shin
    Th-That's...
[12:36] Shin
    That's impossible...
[12:38] Shin
    Pr-Princess Crab-Paste...
[12:40] Gin
    Princess Crab-Paste?
[12:43] Gin
    Who are you talking about?
[12:48] Shin
    I-Impossible!
[12:50] Shin
    It isn't just Princess Crab-Paste!
[12:52] Shin
    The body is...
[12:54] Shin
    ...completely empty!
[12:55] Gin
    Oh, sorry, Shinpachi.
[12:57] Gin
    I took the meat from the body and cooked it with rice.
[13:00] Gin
    Oh, I saved the crab paste.
[13:05] Shin
    C-Cooked it with rice?!
[13:12] Gin
    How unfortunate, General Shimura.
[13:14] Gin
    This castle belongs to the Sakata army now!
[13:17] Gin
    And Princess Crab-Paste has fallen into our hands!
[13:20] Gin
    This castle no longer holds any strategic value!
[13:23] Shin
    It can't be...
[13:25] Shin
    General Sakata...
[13:27] Shin
    You anticipated that I would anticipate your plan?!
[13:31] Gin
    Absolutely not.
[13:32] Gin
    But in war,
[13:35] ---
    the key is to become a coward with multiple back-up plans.
[13:39] Shin
    N-No...
[13:41] Shin
    He knew all along...
[13:43] Shin
    ...that my focus was on the body.
[13:46] Shin
    And to fool me, he restored the body after taking its contents,
[13:51] Shin
    and pretended to be Princess Crab-Paste.
[13:53] Shin
    Yes, while I was falling into his trap,
[13:56] Shin
    he was taking possession of the ultimate sword, Crabclaw!
[14:01] Gin
    Yeah. Sorry, Pachi-boy.
[14:03] Gin
    We even took the claws.
[14:05] Gin
    You ended up without a single bite of crab.
[14:08] Shin
    I misjudged him!
[14:09] Gin
    But it's not our fault.
[14:11] Gin
    You're the one who let us have them.
[14:13] Shin
    You have sunk your fangs into the crab shell,
[14:16] ---
    Gintoki the Viper!
[14:18] Gin
    Well, I'll help myself then.
[14:25] Gin
    The meat!
[14:26] Gin
    The meat of the Crabclaw is gone!
[14:30] Kagura
    The meat is right here.
[14:33] Kagura
    Ta-da!
[14:34] Gin
    Da-Daigoro!
[14:38] Kagura
    You're so weird, Gin-chan.
[14:40] Kagura
    Why do you like the claws so much?
[14:42] Kagura
    There's more meat in the leg below the claw.
[14:46] Kagura
    Silly Gin-chan.
[14:47] Gin
    I spent too much time talking about claws!
[14:50] Gin
    Technically, the term claw only
[14:52] ---
    refers to the pincer at the very end!
[14:54] Gin
    Still, I never expected her to divide up the claws like this!
[14:59] Gin
    I ignored you since I assumed you were just a child,
[15:02] Gin
    but you took advantage of my battle with General Shimura
[15:05] Gin
    to use my own words against me.
[15:07] Gin
    Daigoro, you are no ordinary Daigoro!
[15:14] Gin
    You were sent by Iga?!
[15:19] Kagura
    You aren't the only one
[15:20] Kagura
    who intends to take advantage
[15:21] ---
    of the chaos and conquer this world.
[15:23] Kagura
    A true tactician would lay low until
[15:26] ---
    he's already conquered the world in secret!
[15:29] Kagura
    Viper!
[15:30] Kagura
    I grant you an eternal slumber inside that empty shell!
[15:37] Gin
    Not yet...
[15:39] Gin
    I can still conquer the world...
[15:44] Gin
    I may have lost the claws,
[15:47] Gin
    but I used the treasures of the castle to create a new paradise!
[15:54] Gin
    Castle Crab-on-Rice belongs to me!
[15:56] Gin
    And Princess Crab-Paste is in my hands!
[15:59] Gin
    As long as I hold these, my ambition will never die!
[16:02] A
    Lord Viper! Look over there!
[16:05] A
    A castle is being constructed
[16:08] ---
    next to ours at an alarming pace!
[16:11] Gin
    Th-That's...?!
[16:13] Gin
    Castle Crab-Juice!
[16:16] Gin
    I-Impossible!
[16:17] Gin
    This man has gathered his surviving forces
[16:20] ---
    and begun to build a castle!
[16:22] Shin
    Gin-san!
[16:23] Shin
    There's more to a crab than its meat!
[16:25] Shin
    Even the shell has its flavor!
[16:28] Gin
    Curse you!
[16:29] Gin
    You plan to pit leftover juices against my crab-on-rice
[16:32] ---
    and reverse the situation?!
[16:37] Shin
    This is your last chance to seek a peaceful resolution, Viper!
[16:40] Shin
    Grant me the right to access Castle Crab-on-Rice
[16:42] Shin
    and meet with Princess Crab-Paste!
[16:44] Gin
    Preposterous!
[16:45] Gin
    How dare you seek to bargain
[16:47] ---
    on equal footing with me, the Crabqueror?!
[16:50] Shin
    Who said anything about equal footing?!
[16:52] Shin
    I, Shinpachi Shimura,
[16:53] ---
    demand seventy percent of Castle Crab-on-Rice!
[16:57] Gin
    S-Seventy percent?!
[16:58] Gin
    You overestimate what you hold!
[17:01] Shin
    You have dug your own grave, Viper!
[17:04] Shin
    Crab on rice may sound delicious,
[17:08] Shin
    but in reality, it barely tastes any different from plain rice!
[17:12] Shin
    Yes, alone, crab on rice holds no power!
[17:16] Shin
    Your castle serves as little more than decoration!
[17:19] Shin
    Crab on rice requires flavorful vegetables
[17:21] ---
    which have been cooked in crab juice!
[17:23] Shin
    You can no longer survive
[17:25] ---
    in the Sengoku period without me!
[17:27] Gin
    Don't be ridiculous!
[17:29] Gin
    You have underestimated the potency of my hand-salted rice!
[17:32] Gin
    Fire!
[17:37] A
    It's no use, Lord Viper!
[17:39] A
    There isn't enough flavor!
[17:43] Shin
    Fire!
[17:46] A
    Such firepower!
[17:47] A
    The crab juice is strong in him!
[17:49] Gin
    Wh-What did you say?!
[17:51] Gin
    This is like Gian vs. Nobita!
[17:54] Gin
    We're a perfect match!
    The ultimate combination!
[17:57] Gin
    Best friends forever!
[17:59] Shin
    It's over, Viper!
[18:01] Shin
    Time to let me take over the world!
[18:04] Gin
    Silence!
[18:05] Gin
    I have my own Doraemon in Princess Crab-Paste!
[18:11] Shin
    Wh-What?!
[18:13] Gin
    This shaking...
[18:15] Kagura
    It'll taste better this way.
[18:24] Gin
    Tha-
[18:25] Shin
    That's...
[18:27] Both
    That's...!
[18:30] Both
    The castle in the sky!
[18:32] Both
    Crab-Congee-Laputa!
[18:35] Gin
    I-Impossible!
[18:36] Gin
    Castle Crab-on-Rice and Castle Crab-Juice
[18:38] ---
    were taken over and combined into one?!
[18:42] Shin
    She's stolen our cooking to create the ultimate recipe
[18:45] Shin
    and lay claim to the mantle of conqueror!
[18:48] Both
    You're...!
[18:50] Gin
    You're no ordinary assassin of Iga!
[18:53] Kagura
    Exactly.
[18:55] Kagura
    I'm neither Daigoro nor an assassin of Iga.
[18:59] Kagura
    My true name is Kagura Crab Congee Laputa.
[19:03] Kagura
    A descendant of the royal family
[19:05] Kagura
    which ruled over the ancient city of Crab-Congee-Laputa.
[19:08] Kagura
    I have been waiting for this moment,
[19:10] Kagura
    when you would unlock the path to Crab-Congee-Laputa,
[19:14] Kagura
    for I never could have
[19:16] ---
    cooked crab on rice or vegetables in crab juice on my own.
[19:19] Kagura
    Excellent work.
[19:21] Kagura
    I appreciate your efforts.
[19:23] Kagura
    In return, I shall give you
[19:25] ---
    a demonstration of the true power of crab!
[19:40] Shin
    O-One egg can cause this much damage?!
[19:44] Gin
    A little stirring and the smell has me drooling!
[19:47] Both
    Th-This is the true power of crab!
[19:52] Paste
    Please stop her...
[19:54] Shin
    Pr-
[19:55] Shin
    Princess Crab-Paste!
[19:57] Paste
    Stop fighting over crab!
[20:00] Paste
    Crabs were never meant to create conflict.
[20:03] Paste
    Crabs are meant to bring everyone
[20:05] ---
    together around the table for a pleasant meal.
[20:07] Paste
    Wasn't that your original intention?
[20:13] Kagura
    Magnificent!
[20:13] Paste
    It's not too late!
[20:15] Kagura
    The finest show on Earth!
[20:15] Paste
    The three of you can share this meal together.
[20:18] Gin
    It's too late.
[20:20] Gin
    Our souls are enraged by the long battle.
[20:24] Shin
    We can never bury this hatchet.
[20:26] Paste
    It will be fine.
[20:27] Paste
    I will help to mend fences.
[20:30] Paste
    The savory flavor of crab paste is gentle as the ocean.
[20:34] Paste
    I'm sure that it will soothe your souls
[20:36] ---
    and restore your kind nature.
[20:39] Paste
    Now, speak the words of unity and add me to the pot.
[20:50] Both
    Balse appetit.
[21:02] Kagura
    Forget it.
[21:03] Kagura
    You can have the rest.
[21:12] Shin
    Let's get this crab party restarted...
[21:14] Shin
    No, let's get this crab party started.
[21:18] Gin
    Sure, you have forty seconds to get ready.
[21:35] Shin
    It tastes too fishy.
[21:37] Gin
    Imitation crab is better.
[21:42] Paste
    Yes, that's right.
SIGN    Crab-Flavored Sausage
[21:47] Paste
    Band together
[21:52] Paste
    to eat cheap food!
SIGN    Next Episode People Forget to Return Stuff All the Time Without Even Realizing It
[23:30] Kagura
    Next time:
[23:31] Kagura
    People forget to return stuff all the time without even realizing it!

E219 - People Forget to Return Stuff All the Time Without Even Realizing It
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:32] A
    Oh! A clean hit!
[01:35] A
    -That's it! Keep it up!
[01:35] Salary
    -Stupid boss!
[01:36] Salary
    Take that! Take that!
[01:41] Salary
    Whew, I feel so much better.
[01:43] Salary
    Thanks, big guy.
[01:45] Iwamatsu
    It was nothing.
[01:46] Iwamatsu
    If a few punches to the
    face can help you forget
[01:49] ---
    your troubles, come on down
[01:51] Iwamatsu
    to see Iwamatsu, the Punching Bag.
[01:55] Salary
    Did you see that?
[01:56] Salary
    I got a wicked jab, right?
[01:57] Iwamatsu
    Come again!
[02:00] Iwamatsu
    Weak-ass punches.
[02:02] Iwamatsu
    You can't hurt me with those.
[02:06] Iwamatsu
    The Kabuki district, a town of outlaws.
[02:08] Iwamatsu
    My first impression was correct.
[02:10] Iwamatsu
    There's a sucker around every corner.
[02:12] Iwamatsu
    These wannabe punks and
    their girly punches
[02:16] Iwamatsu
    can't hurt me, the former
    pro boxer, Iwamatsu.
[02:20] Iwamatsu
    I'm gonna make a killing today.
[02:22] Iwamatsu
    Hey! Come on down!
[02:25] Iwamatsu
    You're allowed to hit me as many
    times as you want for one minute!
[02:27] Iwamatsu
    I'm known as Iwamatsu,
    the human punching bag!
[02:30] Iwamatsu
    Anyone up for blowing off some steam?
[02:34] Iwamatsu
    If you can knock me out,
    you won't have to pay,
[02:37] ---
    plus you get a prize!
[02:39] Kagura
    Ooh, ooh! Let me try!
[02:41] Iwamatsu
    Hmm? What? A kid?
[02:43] Iwamatsu
    This will be the perfect demonstration.
[02:47] Iwamatsu
    You wanna give it a shot, little girl?
[02:49] Iwamatsu
    Okay, you shouldn't need a glove.
[02:51] Iwamatsu
    Hit me as hard as you can.
[02:59] Kagura
    Yay! Knocked him out with one punch!
SIGN    People Forget to Return Stuff All  the Time Without Even Realizing It
[03:09] Kagura
    Food for me!
[03:13] Kagura
    Delicious!
[03:14] Iwamatsu
    R-Really.
[03:15] Iwamatsu
    Enjoy yourself.
[03:17] Iwamatsu
    Ka-Kabuki's crazy!
[03:19] Iwamatsu
    I-I was too naive!
[03:21] Iwamatsu
    I-I wasn't expecting
    a monster like this!
[03:25] Iwamatsu
    And she's just a kid!
[03:27] Iwamatsu
    How scary are the adults
    in the Kabuki District?!
[03:31] Iwamatsu
    U-Uh, young lady...
[03:32] Iwamatsu
    Have you been practicing the
    Divine Fist of the North Star?
[03:35] Iwamatsu
    I was really surprised.
[03:37] Iwamatsu
    I didn't expect a little
    girl to be so strong,
[03:38] ---
    though you're not as strong as I am.
[03:40] Iwamatsu
    S-So, are there other people in
[03:42] ---
    the Kabuki District who
    are strong like you?
[03:45] Kagura
    Nope, I'm queen of the Kabuki District.
[03:48] Iwamatsu
    O-Of course!
[03:50] Iwamatsu
    You're not gonna find too
    many people this strong!
[03:53] Kagura
    Is this your first time
    in the Kabuki District?
[03:56] Iwamatsu
    Huh? Oh, yeah.
[03:58] Iwamatsu
    I came from the countryside
    to do business,
[04:00] Iwamatsu
    but I don't know my way around the city.
[04:02] Kagura
    Want me to show you around?
[04:04] Kagura
    I can show you some nice places
    in return for the meat bun.
[04:08] Iwamatsu
    What? Really?
[04:09] Kagura
    You can ask me anything
    about the Kabuki District.
[04:12] Kagura
    So basically, you're looking
    for a place with a bunch
[04:15] Kagura
    of irritated guys who
    will want to hit you.
[04:18] Iwamatsu
    Yes, and I would prefer that
    they not be too strong.
[04:22] Iwamatsu
    Well, I suppose it doesn't matter.
[04:24] Iwamatsu
    But if they're too strong,
[04:26] Iwamatsu
    it will be harder for me
    to control my strength
[04:28] ---
    and I might end up injuring them.
[04:29] Kagura
    Leave it to me.
[04:30] Kagura
    I know the perfect place.
SIGN    Otose
[04:32] Iwamatsu
    What's this place?
[04:33] Kagura
    A bar for drinking cheap booze.
[04:35] Kagura
    The patrons don't have much money.
[04:37] Kagura
    Most of them come here to
    bitch about their life.
[04:40] Iwamatsu
    I see.
[04:41] Iwamatsu
    There should be plenty of
    irritated patrons here.
[04:44] Iwamatsu
    The queen of the Kabuki
    District knows her territory.
[04:46] Iwamatsu
    My first customer just happened to be
[04:49] ---
    this anomaly of a girl.
[04:50] Iwamatsu
    But I shouldn't need to be scared
    of a bunch of old drunks.
[04:55] Otose
    Don't come here if don't have any money!
[04:59] Catherine
    You're always drinking
    and never paying up!
[05:01] Catherine
    This isn't your home!
[05:03] Otose
    Crush! Crush! Crush!
[05:07] Iwamatsu
    M-My potential customers
    are already punching bags!
[05:14] Kagura
    Hey, Gin-chan, Madao.
[05:16] Kagura
    This guy sells himself
    as a punching bag.
[05:17] Kagura
    Want to blow off some steam?
[05:20] Kagura
    You can hit him as many
    times as you want.
[05:21] Iwamatsu
    Wait! I refuse! It's obvious
    that they have no money!
[05:25] Madao
    Punching bag?
[05:27] Madao
    People treat me like a
    punching bag every day.
[05:30] Madao
    People like me should die.
[05:33] Iwamatsu
    This guy's dangerous!
[05:34] Iwamatsu
    He's not irritated! He
    should be on suicide watch!
[05:37] Kagura
    Wake up, Gin-chan.
[05:38] Kagura
    This guy sells himself
    as a punching bag.
[05:40] Gin
    Punching bag?
[05:42] Gin
    Can I?
[05:43] Gin
    Don't blame me though.
[05:44] Gin
    He might go from punching
    bag to body bag.
[05:47] Iwamatsu
    You're scaring me!
[05:48] Iwamatsu
    What's wrong with this snack bar?!
[05:49] Iwamatsu
    Why are the customers all deranged?!
[05:52] Kagura
    Don't worry.
[05:53] Kagura
    Gin-chan and Madao can
    be super when they try.
[05:56] Iwamatsu
    No, it's impossible!
[05:57] Iwamatsu
    They're completely smashed!
    And they're broke!
[05:59] Iwamatsu
    Forget it! Forget it!
[06:00] Iwamatsu
    I'll look for customers somewhere else!
[06:01] Gin
    Don't make fun of me.
[06:04] Gin
    Everybody's obsessed with money!
[06:06] Gin
    So I don't have money.
[06:08] Gin
    I still got something
    that's damn valuable.
SIGN    Destiny of an Emperor
[06:11] Iwamatsu
    It's an NES cartridge!
[06:13] Gin
    You fool!
[06:14] Gin
    Destiny of an Emperor
    was a brilliant RPG that
[06:15] ---
    was loved by everyone important!
[06:17] Gin
    If you find the right buyer,
    it'll fetch a pretty penny.
[06:19] Iwamatsu
    Who cares?!
[06:20] Iwamatsu
    And the name Takeshi
    is written on there!
SIGN    Takeshi
[06:22] Iwamatsu
    You obviously borrowed
    it and never returned it!
[06:24] Madao
    Hey, hold on!
[06:26] Madao
    Isn't that the game I let you borrow?!
[06:28] Gin
    You were just letting me borrow a game
[06:30] Gin
    that you borrowed from someone
    else and never returned!
[06:31] Gin
    It doesn't belong to you!
[06:33] Madao
    Shut up!
[06:34] Madao
    How can you sell something that
    you borrowed from someone else?!
[06:36] Gin
    You're the one who let me borrow a
    game you borrowed from someone else!
[06:38] Madao
    Let go!
[06:39] Gin
    Stop it!
[06:41] Iwamatsu
    This might be the most
    pointless fight ever!
[06:46] Madao
    Bastard! What was that for?!
[06:48] Madao
    Destiny of an Emperor
    was Three-Kingdom'd!
[06:51] Gin
    That's not funny!
[06:52] Madao
    Apologize to Takeshi!
[06:54] Gin
    Shut up!
[06:55] Gin
    You should apologize to Takeshi!
[06:56] Iwamatsu
    Apologize to the people who
    are watching this crap on TV!
[07:00] Kagura
    Oh, now they're punching each other.
[07:03] Kagura
    I guess they won't need a punching bag.
[07:05] Iwamatsu
    I'm pretty sure they never did.
[07:07] Iwamatsu
    Uh, forget about looking
    for irritated people.
[07:11] Iwamatsu
    Could you take me to a place
[07:12] ---
    with friendly and energetic people?
[07:15] Kagura
    Hmm...
[07:16] Kagura
    Energetic...
[07:18] Kagura
    I guess there's a place.
[07:21] Iwamatsu
    There is?
[07:21] Iwamatsu
    Could you take me there?
[07:25] Katsura
    It is time for action!
[07:27] Katsura
    We must punish the dogs
    of the hated Bakufu
[07:31] ---
    who have persecuted us for so long!
[07:33] Katsura
    Tomorrow at dawn,
[07:34] ---
    we will attack the
    Shinsengumi headquarters!
[07:37] Katsura
    And...
[07:38] Katsura
    ...do this to all of their toilet paper!
[07:41] Katsura
    Turn the roll so it comes out backwards!
[07:44] A
    Damn Shinsengumi!
[07:46] A
    Today will be the last day you can take
    a dump without having to think twice!
[07:48] B
    After tomorrow morning,
[07:50] B
    they will suffer a living hell
[07:52] ---
    of toilet paper that
    never stops rolling!
[07:56] Iwamatsu
    Who are these idiots?
[07:58] Kagura
    Energetic terrorists.
[08:00] Iwamatsu
    Terrorists?!
[08:01] Iwamatsu
    Why did you bring me here?!
[08:03] Kagura
    They have plenty of energy.
[08:05] Kagura
    I'm sure they'll be great customers.
[08:08] Kagura
    Hey, Zura!
[08:10] Katsura
    Oh, leader!
[08:11] Joi
    Good evening, leader!
[08:13] Kagura
    Want to warm up before you
    go take on the Shinsengumi?
[08:16] Kagura
    I brought a punching bag!
[08:19] Katsura
    Punching bag?
[08:20] Kagura
    You can beat up this human
    punching bag for a whole minute.
[08:23] Kagura
    Pretend that he's from the Shinsengumi
    and vent your frustration!
[08:27] A
    I get it! Brilliant, leader!
[08:30] B
    We were letting our emotions
    get the better of us!
[08:33] B
    We should beat him up
    and calm ourselves down!
[08:35] A
    Okay! Let's do this!
[08:37] Iwamatsu
    Ah! Wait!
[08:39] Iwamatsu
    I can't handle all of you at once!
[08:40] Iwamatsu
    One at a time!
[08:41] Katsura
    Stop, you fools!
[08:44] Katsura
    A samurai should never attack someone
[08:47] ---
    who is not fighting back!
[08:50] Katsura
    And you call yourself Joi patriots?!
[08:52] Joi
    W-We're sorry, Katsura-san!
[08:55] Katsura
    I apologize for their behavior.
[08:58] Katsura
    Forgive us.
[08:59] Katsura
    They are normally well-behaved.
[09:01] Katsura
    I suppose that they're excited
    about the upcoming battle.
[09:04] Iwamatsu
    Nah, don't sweat it.
[09:07] Iwamatsu
    This is my job, so as long
    as they come one at a time...
[09:10] Katsura
    I wish to settle accounts.
[09:12] Katsura
    Could you please give each member
[09:15] ---
    a double slap in the face?
[09:16] Iwamatsu
    I'm asking you to hit me!
[09:19] Iwamatsu
    Don't worry about it.
[09:20] Iwamatsu
    Really, this is my job.
[09:22] Iwamatsu
    I'm asking you to hit me.
[09:24] Katsura
    But I will not accept it!
[09:26] Kagura
    Watch your tongue!
[09:27] Katsura
    You must slap each of
    them the way she is!
[09:29] Iwamatsu
    Why are you punching them?!
[09:31] Iwamatsu
    I can't put food on the
    table by hitting you people!
[09:34] Iwamatsu
    I'm begging you to hit me!
[09:36] Katsura
    You are so generous!
[09:38] Katsura
    You refuse to hit my men, even after they disrespected you!
[09:42] Katsura
    I understand.
[09:44] Katsura
    I am responsible for
    the failures of my men.
[09:48] Katsura
    I shall also offer...
[09:49] Iwamatsu
    That's not the issue here!
[09:50] Katsura
    ...that you give my treasure,
[09:51] ---
    a Super Monkey Adventure
    cartridge, a double slap!
[09:56] Iwamatsu
    Why?!
[09:57] Iwamatsu
    What does Super Monkey Adventure
    have to do with anything?!
[10:00] Katsura
    I'm sorry, Takeshi.
SIGN    Takeshi
[10:02] Katsura
    I intended to return this game to you...
[10:04] Katsura
    Such sorrow!
[10:04] Iwamatsu
    And it's another game that was
    never returned to Takeshi!
[10:07] Iwamatsu
    Who's Takeshi?!
[10:08] Iwamatsu
    Is it the same Takeshi?!
[10:10] A
    Don't be too hasty, Katsura-san!
[10:12] A
    Have you forgotten your
    promise to Takeshi?!
[10:14] Katsura
    Not another word!
[10:15] Katsura
    Forgive me, Takeshi!
[10:17] Iwamatsu
    Hey! I can't tell if
    Takeshi is loved or hated!
[10:22] Okita
    The gig's up!
[10:24] Okita
    Katsura!
[10:25] Okita
    Turn yourself in!
[10:27] Katsura
    Shit!
[10:28] Katsura
    The enemy has learned of our plan!
[10:30] Katsura
    Then I have no choice!
[10:31] Katsura
    Onward, men!
[10:32] Joi
    Take this!
[10:34] Joi
    Super Monkey Adventure!
[10:36] Iwamatsu
    Why are you throwing cartridges?!
[10:38] Iwamatsu
    And how many copies do you have?!
[10:44] Okita
    They escaped outside!
[10:45] Okita
    Contact the 3rd Squad!
[10:48] Okita
    Huh? China girl?
[10:49] Okita
    Why are you here?
[10:51] Kagura
    Oh, the perfect sucker.
[10:53] Kagura
    He's a sadist, so he'd
    be a perfect customer.
[10:56] Iwamatsu
    First terrorists, now cops?!
[10:58] Okita
    A punching bag?
[10:59] Kagura
    Yup. You must be pissed
    about letting Zura escape.
[11:02] Kagura
    You can use him to blow off some steam.
[11:03] Okita
    It's not my thing.
[11:05] Okita
    There's nothing fun about hitting
    someone who wants to be hit.
[11:08] Okita
    But I love to see the contorted
    faces of people in pain.
[11:12] Iwamatsu
    You're twisted!
[11:13] Iwamatsu
    What's wrong with this guy?!
[11:14] Iwamatsu
    Is he really a cop?!
[11:15] Okita
    If he was an artful dodger
    instead of a human punching bag,
[11:18] Okita
    and he offered to pay me instead
    of charging, I might hit him.
[11:22] Iwamatsu
    That would make me a sick bastard!
[11:25] Kagura
    That's that, then.
[11:26] Kagura
    Pay up.
[11:27] Iwamatsu
    Huh?
[11:28] Kagura
    I'm telling you to pay up!
[11:30] Iwamatsu
    What?!
[11:31] Iwamatsu
    I'm supposed to pay him to hit me?!
[11:35] Iwamatsu
    I'm trying to make money here!
[11:36] Kagura
    So you come all the way out to the city,
[11:38] Kagura
    and then you turn around and go back
[11:39] ---
    without even getting hit once?!
[11:41] Kagura
    Aren't you a punching bag?!
[11:42] Kagura
    If you have to pay for someone
    to hit you, so be it!
[11:44] Iwamatsu
    That would make me some kind of S&M
    freak who's paying to be punished!
[11:47] Okita
    Well, twenty grand will do.
[11:51] Iwamatsu
    Why is this happening?
[11:52] Okita
    Now say, I'll give you all
    my money, so stop hitting me.
[11:56] Iwamatsu
    I'll give you all my
    money, so stop hitting me.
[11:59] Okita
    Pretend like you're
    back in middle school.
[12:01] Iwamatsu
    That's my whole allowance.
[12:03] Iwamatsu
    Cut me some slack, man.
[12:05] Okita
    Now like you're a foreigner.
[12:06] Iwamatsu
    All the money!
[12:08] Iwamatsu
    But not the body!
[12:10] Okita
    I guess I'll let you go this time.
[12:13] Iwamatsu
    That was highway robbery!
[12:15] Iwamatsu
    Give me back my money!
[12:17] Iwamatsu
    Aren't you a cop?!
[12:18] Iwamatsu
    You want a fight?!
[12:19] Kondo
    Sorry.
[12:20] Kondo
    It appears that one of
    my men was upsetting you.
[12:23] Iwamatsu
    What?
[12:25] Kondo
    Man, he's so hopeless.
[12:27] Kondo
    Sorry!
[12:28] Kondo
    I must apologize, as his superior.
[12:30] Kondo
    So, please keep this quiet.
[12:33] Kondo
    Here, consider this compensation
    instead of a bribe.
[12:37] Iwamatsu
    Huh? Should a cop be doing this?
[12:39] Kondo
    Please! It's not a big
    deal! Just take it!
[12:43] Iwamatsu
    Uh, this is wrong.
[12:44] Iwamatsu
    Are you sure about this?
[12:45] Kondo
    It's perfectly fine.
[12:47] Kondo
    Anyway, please forgive him.
[12:49] Kondo
    I'm counting on your silence.
[12:53] Kondo
    Hemosoro suparami bachiguso nemosamu...
[12:56] Iwamatsu
    It's a spell of resurrection!
[12:59] Iwamatsu
    For what game?!
[13:01] Iwamatsu
    I don't need this crap!
[13:03] Iwamatsu
    It's a worthless piece of paper!
SIGN    Takeshi
[13:05] Iwamatsu
    You again, Takeshi?!
[13:08] Iwamatsu
    How many of your games are
    floating around out there?!
[13:10] Iwamatsu
    Why did you even bother
    writing your name?!
[13:13] Iwamatsu
    Everybody must hate you!
[13:15] Iwamatsu
    Your crap's scattered around the
    world like the Dragon Balls!
[13:18] Yamazaki
    I apologize for my
    superior's rude behavior.
[13:21] Yamazaki
    Please keep this quiet.
[13:23] Iwamatsu
    Hey, what's wrong with the cops here?
[13:26] Kondo
    Here, consider this compensation
    instead of a bribe.
[13:29] Iwamatsu
    No, enough of that already.
[13:31] Iwamatsu
    No more.
[13:36] Iwamatsu
    Hey!
[13:38] Iwamatsu
    I don't need any more
    spells of resurrection!
[13:39] Yamazaki
    Anpan anpan anpan anpan anpan anpan
    anpan anpan anpan anpan anpan anpan...
[13:41] Iwamatsu
    What is he trying to resurrect?!
[13:44] Iwamatsu
    What the hell?!
[13:46] Iwamatsu
    What does this mean?!
[13:47] Iwamatsu
    I have no idea, but I'm
    scared to death now!
[13:49] Kagura
    Hey, he's looking at us.
[13:52] Iwamatsu
    He just said something.
[13:54] Iwamatsu
    What did he say?!
[13:55] Iwamatsu
    Hey, am I going to be okay?!
[13:56] Iwamatsu
    Did he just curse me?!
[13:58] Iwamatsu
    Hey! Wait!
[13:59] Iwamatsu
    Is it really okay?!
SIGN    Greater Edo Parking Lot
SIGN    Meat Bun
[14:04] Kagura
    Sorry I couldn't help you.
[14:08] Iwamatsu
    It's okay.
[14:10] Iwamatsu
    I'll give up on being a punching bag.
[14:13] Iwamatsu
    I guess this town doesn't need one.
[14:17] Iwamatsu
    There aren't any nasty
    people in this town
[14:19] Iwamatsu
    who get pleasure out of hitting
    someone who doesn't fight back.
[14:24] Iwamatsu
    The people here tackle their problems
[14:27] ---
    head-on and blow off
    stress by running wild.
[14:32] Iwamatsu
    I knew that the people
    in this town were strong.
[14:37] Iwamatsu
    I wanted to be strong like they were,
[14:40] ---
    instead of working this creepy job.
[14:43] Kagura
    Really?
[14:45] Kagura
    It's too bad.
[14:47] Kagura
    I didn't understand
    the complicated stuff,
[14:49] ---
    but I feel better now,
[14:51] Kagura
    since you let me punch you.
[14:55] Kagura
    I'm sure there are people who need you.
[15:00] Kagura
    Like, for instance...
[15:03] Kagura
    Over there.
SIGN    Takeshi
[15:07] Takeshi
    I agreed to co-sign the loan
[15:10] Takeshi
    'cause he promised to
    pay the money back,
[15:13] ---
    and then he runs away.
[15:16] Takeshi
    I'm doomed to live a life where
    nobody ever returns anything to me.
[15:19] Takeshi
    I should have written
    my name on the money...
SIGN    Takeshi
[15:22] Iwamatsu
    Is that... Is that...?
[15:25] Kagura
    I wouldn't say that everybody is strong.
[15:27] Kagura
    Some people are overwhelmed
    by their gloomy feelings.
[15:32] Kagura
    Your job isn't creepy.
[15:35] Kagura
    You should be proud.
[15:38] Kagura
    You're the only one who
[15:40] ---
    can receive the fist of the
    injured soul who never has
[15:43] Kagura
    anything returned by the idiots
    of the Kabuki district.
[15:56] Iwamatsu
    I never truly understood
[15:58] ---
    what it meant to be a punching bag.
[16:02] Iwamatsu
    My job wasn't to let
    other people hit me.
[16:06] Iwamatsu
    It was to accept their
    fists, their feelings...
[16:17] Iwamatsu
    Takeshi-kun, you can have
    me for a whole minute.
[16:21] Iwamatsu
    I'll help you forget
    all the bad memories.
[16:23] Iwamatsu
    How about it?
[16:24] Takeshi
    Gah! Pervert!
[16:41] Kagura
    Congratulations.
[16:42] Kagura
    Somebody finally punched you.
[16:50] Iwamatsu
    This doesn't seem right.
SIGN    We Ended Kind of Early So We're Gonna  Start the Next Episode (Take Two)
[18:29] Kagura
    Have you forgotten
[18:32] Kagura
    about the red kerchief?
[18:36] Kagura
    When we went to the bath
    in the neighboring town...
[18:39] Gin
    Hey, want me to drop
    you in the Kanda River?
SIGN    Greater Edo Bathhouse
[18:43] Gin
    Don't forget that you fell asleep
    in the bath, almost drowned,
[18:46] Gin
    and destroyed everything in the process!
[18:49] A
    Adults are 200 yen.
    Children are 100 yen.
SIGN    Men
SIGN    Women
[18:52] Kagura
    Don't treat me like a child.
[18:54] Kagura
    I'm a woman now.
[18:55] Kagura
    Charge me another 100 yen.
[18:57] Gin
    Shut your mouth.
[18:59] Gin
    Lady, I have the soul of a boy,
[19:01] Gin
    so how's 200 for both of us sound?
[19:04] Kagura
    Gin-chan, please give
    me another 100 yen.
[19:06] Kagura
    I want to have some coffee
    milk after my bath.
[19:09] Gin
    You can drink the water
    in the bath, you brat.
[19:13] Shin
    Huh?
[19:14] Shin
    Why are you here, Gin-san?
[19:16] Gin
    Commercial break finally ends and
[19:17] ---
    they're treated to a shot of your ass.
[19:20] Gin
    Why are you here?
[19:21] Shin
    There was a special
    about hot springs on TV,
[19:23] Shin
    so Sis decided she wanted
    to enjoy a large bath.
[19:25] Gin
    You should have tossed her into
    a big puddle or something.
[19:29] Gin
    I figured I would have
    the place to myself.
[19:32] Shin
    Nice to see you, too.
[19:34] Shin
    You were probably going to
    peek at the women, right?
[19:37] Gin
    I'm not gonna pick a fight with Agnes.
[19:43] Kondo
    Oh, sorry!
[19:44] Kondo
    There's construction work
    being done on this bath,
[19:46] ---
    so could you go somewhere else?
[19:49] Gin
    Hey, how did the gorilla find out?
[19:52] Gin
    I don't want to share a bath with him.
[19:54] Gin
    I'll probably catch
    some kind of disease.
[19:55] Hijikata
    You're the disease.
[19:57] Hijikata
    You can use the tepid
    kiddy bath over there.
[20:01] Hijikata
    It's probably your style.
SIGN    Kiddy Pool Do not jump in.
[20:02] Okita
    That's the Hijikata-san we know.
[20:04] Okita
    A real Edo boy loves steaming hot baths.
[20:07] Hijikata
    Yeah, this ain't hot enough.
[20:08] Hijikata
    Load 'er up.
[20:09] Okita
    Here.
[20:10] Hijikata
    Hey!
[20:11] Hijikata
    Where'd you get leftover
    water from cooking yakisoba?!
[20:13] Gin
    I'll use this chance to wash
    the underwear I was wearing.
[20:16] Gin
    Saves money.
[20:17] Hijikata
    This isn't the Ganges River!
[20:19] Kondo
    Stop it, people!
[20:21] Kondo
    We're here to take a bath!
[20:23] Kondo
    If you're going to make a ruckus, leave!
[20:24] Kondo
    Otae-san can stay!
[20:26] Gin
    You're obviously not
    here to take a bath.
[20:28] Gin
    If you're looking for a quick
    cleaning, jump in a washing machine.
[20:31] Gin
    This is no place for
    dirty bastards like you!
[20:34] Kondo
    What was that?!
[20:34] Kondo
    I'll Vidal Sassoon your pubes!
[20:37] Gin
    Eh?!
[20:37] Gin
    I'll pluck out your
    ass hairs one by one!
[20:40] Kondo
    Get out!
[20:41] Kondo
    You're in Vidal Sassoon territory!
[20:43] Gin
    Fine! Let's take this outside!
[20:45] Gin
    I'll show you what tweezers can do!
[20:48] Chibi
    Whoa, this is a bathhouse?
[20:50] Chibi
    It's huge!
[20:51] Chibi
    I wanna swim!
[20:53] Gin
    Eh?! Swim?!
[20:54] Gin
    This isn't the pool!
[20:56] Kondo
    Only Vidal Sassooners
    are allowed here, kid!
[20:58] Kondo
    We booked the place!
[21:01] Chibi
    What? Booked the place?
[21:03] Chibi
    No way.
[21:04] Chibi
    I heard that everybody's
    allowed in a bathhouse.
[21:07] Shin
    G-Gin-san...
[21:08] Shin
    Th-That's...
[21:10] Chibi
    Papa, they said that
    they booked the bath.
[21:13] Goro
    What's that?
[21:14] Goro
    That's odd.
[21:16] Goro
    I heard that the bathhouse
    is a public place.
[21:18] Goro
    Brother, they booked the place.
[21:20] Shiro
    What? That's impossible.
[21:21] Shiro
    Brother Saburo said we could
    all take a bath here, right?
[21:25] Saburo
    Don't look at me.
[21:27] Saburo
    Well, Brother Jiro?
[21:28] Jiro
    Father, where's our eldest brother?
[21:30] Dad
    Beats me.
[21:32] Hedoro
    Hey. What are you all doing?
[21:34] Saburo
    Ah, Big Brother!
[21:37] Hedoro
    Huh?
[21:38] Hedoro
    The Odd Jobs members.
[21:40] Hedoro
    It's been a while.
[21:42] Hedoro
    It's me, the Hedoro next door.
[21:49] Gin
    He-Hedoro has multiplied!
[21:55] Saburo
    Uh, I heard that you booked the place?
[21:58] Jiro
    We're not allowed in here?
SIGN    Kiddy Pool Do not jump in.
[22:05] Both
    Welcome!
[22:06] Both
    Enjoy yourselves!
[22:08] Chibi
    Yay!
[22:09] Hedoro
    I apologize.
[22:11] Hedoro
    It appears that we are imposing on you.
[22:13] Kondo
    H-Hey! Why is the Addams Family here?!
[22:16] Kondo
    You know them?!
[22:18] Both
    N-No! We never knew there were so many!
[22:21] Hedoro
    You see, my family's visiting
    from the countryside,
[22:25] Hedoro
    so I decided to bring
    them to a bathhouse
[22:27] ---
    to show them what Edo's like.
[22:29] All
    Wr-Wring Edo to death?!
[22:32] Hedoro
    We don't take baths
    together on our planet.
[22:37] Hedoro
    I think it's dynamite to strip
    down and spend time together.
[22:41] All
    St-Strip down dynamite!
[22:44] Gin
    I-I don't believe it!
[22:46] Gin
    Th-They're finally
    moving to invade Earth!
[22:51] Hijikata
    I-Invade Earth?!
[22:53] Hijikata
    Impossible!
[22:54] Okita
    They're starting by taking
    over this bathhouse.
[22:57] Okita
    Damn monsters!
[22:58] Kondo
    We don't have time to argue about
    Vidal Sassoons and tweezers.
[23:02] Kondo
    We need to warn everyone!
[23:04] Kondo
    Run for it as soon as they
    get in the adult bath.
[23:18] Hedoro
    Yes, such a wonderful bath.
[23:24] All
    They got in the kiddy bath!
SIGN    To Be Continued Next Episode
SIGN    Next Episode The Bathhouse, Where You're Naked in Body and Soul
[23:30] Hedoro
    And so, we will continue
    this story next week.
[2:12:16] ---
    #ED

E220 - The Bathhouse, Where You're Naked in Body and Soul
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:31] Kagura
    Have you forgotten...
[01:35] Kagura
    ...about the red kerchief?
[01:39] All
    They got in the kiddy bath!
SIGN    The Bathhouse, Where You're  Naked in Body and Soul
[01:52] Gin
    Huh? Why?
[01:54] Gin
    Why?
[01:56] Gin
    Why did these giants
    get in the kiddy bath?
[01:59] Gin
    U-Uh...
[02:00] Gin
    The adult bath is warmer
    and more comfortable.
[02:04] Hedoro
    Oh...
[02:04] Hedoro
    Actually, our race
    can't stand hot water.
[02:07] Hedoro
    We only bathe in cold water.
[02:09] Hedoro
    We'd love to use the cold bath
    over there but it's too small for us.
[02:13] Gin
    We made the wrong choice!
[02:15] Gin
    We should have gotten in the adult bath!
[02:17] Gin
    Hey! We're completely surrounded!
[02:19] Gin
    Like an innocent bystander in the
    middle of a bunch of burly, tattooed men!
[02:22] Kondo
    Dude, they're watching us!
[02:23] Kondo
    They're staring at us!
[02:24] Hijikata
    What do we do?! We can't get out!
[02:26] Hedoro
    How is the water, Dad?
[02:29] Dad
    Too warm!
[02:30] Dad
    This is what the Edo folk are used to?
[02:32] Dad
    I'd prefer cold water that
    makes you shiver good.
[02:36] Hedoro
    Our dad is a traditional Dakini.
[02:39] Hedoro
    But it's true that the
    water is a little lukewarm.
[02:43] Shin
    Um, we were just saying how
    the water was too warm.
[02:46] Shin
    Want me to add some cold water?
[02:47] Hedoro
    Oh, no. There's no need for that.
[02:49] Hedoro
    I brought an iceberg just
    in case this happened.
[02:55] Saburo
    That's our Brother Hedoro!
[02:57] Saburo
    He's always prepared.
[02:58] Jiro
    This ice water is perfect.
[03:02] Kondo
    Y-You bet!
[03:03] Kondo
    It gives you a real kick!
[03:05] Gin
    How cold do they need their water?!
[03:07] Gin
    We aren't seals!
[03:08] Kondo
    My lips are turning purple!
[03:10] Kondo
    I'm gonna freeze to
    death! Freeze to death!
[03:13] Gin
    Hey! Someone get us out of here!
[03:15] Shin
    No!
[03:16] Shin
    They'll think that we don't
    like their ice-cold water!
[03:20] Okita
    Damn, I'm getting sleepy.
[03:22] Hijikata
    Don't go to sleep! You'll die!
[03:24] Chibi
    Papa, can I get out?
[03:26] Gin
    That's it!
[03:27] Gin
    Kids hate long baths!
[03:29] Gin
    We'll use this chance to...!
[03:30] Hedoro
    Absolutely not!
[03:34] Hedoro
    You must stay in the bath
    for at least ten minutes.
[03:38] Hedoro
    Otherwise you won't be able to
    wash away the sweat and grime.
[03:42] Hedoro
    Look.
[03:43] Hedoro
    Follow the example of these young men.
[03:45] Hedoro
    They're even washing their heads.
[03:48] Hedoro
    Goro, you need to do a
    better job of raising him.
[03:51] Goro
    Sorry, Brother.
[03:52] Goro
    I can't stop spoiling him.
[03:53] Kondo
    Ten minutes?!
[03:54] Kondo
    If we stay in this freezing water
    for ten minutes, we'll be dead!
[03:58] Kondo
    No more!
[03:59] Kondo
    My dick has shrunk to the point where
    it looks like I have three balls.
[04:03] Gin
    Wait, yours was always that small.
[04:04] Kondo
    It's going to completely disappear!
[04:06] Okita
    Either way, we're dead.
[04:09] Okita
    Hijikata-san, you lead the way.
[04:10] Hijikata
    Screw that!
[04:11] Hijikata
    I'll do whatever it takes
    to live longer than you!
[04:14] Hijikata
    You go!
[04:15] Gin
    Then the person who runs out of breath
    first gets to take one for the team.
[04:18] Gin
    That settles it!
[04:19] Kondo
    Hey, that's dirty!
[04:21] Kondo
    You go!
[04:22] Gin
    You!
[04:23] Kondo
    You!
[04:24] Gin
    Bastard!
[04:28] Shin
    Hey! This isn't the time to
    be fighting amongst ourselves!
[04:31] Kondo
    I refuse to go!
[04:34] Gin
    Hey! Hold on!
[04:35] Gin
    What are you holding on to?
[04:45] Gin
    Hey! Why are you holding that?!
[04:48] Gin
    And that geezer's balls really sag!
[04:50] Shin
    Let go! Quick!
[04:52] Kondo
    N-No!
[04:53] Kondo
    I can't move my fingers!
    They're frozen stiff!
[04:54] Gin
    Hey, surface and make
    up some kind of excuse!
[04:57] Gin
    We'll deal with the situation down here.
[04:58] Both
    What kind of excuse do you want?!
[05:03] Shin
    Y-Yeah, this is such a nice bath.
[05:07] Hedoro
    What were you doing underwater?
[05:09] Hijikata
    Oh, we were holding a
    little diving contest.
[05:12] Hijikata
    It's all the rage these days.
[05:14] Hijikata
    Damn, I lost!
[05:16] Hedoro
    Earthlings are such fun.
[05:20] Hedoro
    Hm? Is something wrong, Dad?
[05:22] Dad
    Hm, my crotch feels strange.
[05:25] Hedoro
    Huh?
[05:26] Shin
    O-Oh, it must be a side
    effect of the water!
[05:29] Hedoro
    A side effect of the water?
[05:30] Shin
    Yes, you know?
[05:32] Shin
    Right, Mr. Make-up-an-excuse?
[05:34] Shin
    Why don't you explain it to them?
[05:35] Hijikata
    What?!
[05:39] Hijikata
    I-In fact, the water in this bath
    is drawn from an underground spring
[05:42] Hijikata
    known as the Biagra Spring.
[05:44] All
    The Biagra Spring?
[05:46] Hijikata
    It's excellent for improving
    your health and sexual drive!
[05:50] Dad
    Oh, I see.
[05:52] Dad
    That's why it feels like
    something's tugging on my junk.
[05:56] Hijikata
    I-I'm sure that you'll feel like
    a young man once you're done here.
[06:01] Dad
    Oh, that sounds like a challenge.
[06:03] Dad
    Honey, let's try for number six tonight!
[06:07] Mom
    Oh, please.
[06:09] Hedoro
    Come on, Dad.
[06:15] Goro
    Huh?
[06:15] Hedoro
    Dad?
[06:17] Shin
    Your dad must be really excited.
[06:19] Shin
    He's joining in the diving contest.
[06:21] Jiro
    Oh, I see.
[06:23] Saburo
    But I see a lot of bubbles.
[06:26] Hedoro
    Oh, his hand.
[06:26] Shiro
    He seems to be struggling...
[06:28] Shin
    I-It's a V!
[06:29] Shin
    He's signaling V for victory!
[06:30] Shin
    It's too easy!
[06:31] Shiro
    Oh, he was signaling a V.
[06:33] Goro
    Oh, somebody's come up for a breath!
[06:35] Kondo
    Hel...
[06:37] Jiro
    He just asked for help...
[06:43] Saburo
    Uh, it's obvious that something's
    happening down there...
[06:46] Shin
    Nothing's happening!
    Nothing's happening at all!
[06:48] Hijikata
    Th-They're just playing around.
[06:49] Hijikata
    Those guys are such jokers.
[06:51] Hedoro
    Hey, Jiro.
[06:52] Hedoro
    Take a look down there.
[06:53] Jiro
    Y-Yes.
[06:54] Shin
    Hold on!
[06:55] Shin
    Nothing's happening!
[06:56] Shin
    Everything's okay!
[06:58] Hedoro
    Oh, there he is.
[07:00] Goro
    We were worried, Dad.
[07:02] Goro
    Are you okay?
[07:03] Kondo
    Sorry, sorry.
[07:04] Kondo
    I ran into this giant squid underwater.
[07:06] Kondo
    Man, I thought I was finished.
[07:08] Both
    Uh, we're definitely finished now!
[07:10] Hedoro
    Huh? Wait, who are you?
[07:12] Kondo
    Huh? Wh-What are you talking
    about? I'm your dad.
[07:14] Both
    No, no, no.
[07:16] Both
    You can't fool them like that!
[07:17] Gin
    Oh, it must be the Biagra Spring.
[07:20] Okita
    He's young again. That's awesome.
[07:23] Both
    Impossible! They're not gonna buy it!
[07:25] Hedoro
    What?
[07:26] Hedoro
    R-Really?
[07:27] Hedoro
    You look like a completely
    different person.
[07:29] Kondo
    What?! You've forgotten how
    your own father looks?!
[07:31] Kondo
    Honey, let's forget about these
    heartless jerks and make a new kid!
[07:38] Hijikata
    She's ignoring him!
[07:40] Hijikata
    She knows the truth!
[07:42] Kondo
    A-Anyway, it's time to get out.
[07:44] Kondo
    I'm feeling a bit chilly
    after the long bath.
[07:46] Hedoro
    Wait a moment, Dad.
[07:48] Hedoro
    Something's dangling from your crotch.
[07:51] Shin
    Dad is dangling from dad!
[07:54] Kondo
    What are you talking about?
[07:55] Kondo
    That's just my ball sack.
[07:57] Hedoro
    Your ball sack?
[07:59] Hedoro
    It looks exactly like your former self.
[08:01] Kondo
    It's just a ball sack.
[08:02] Kondo
    Look at the wrinkles.
[08:03] Kondo
    It's become bloated after
    sitting in the water.
[08:04] Hedoro
    C-Come to think of it, I've never
    seen your ball sack before.
[08:08] Hedoro
    So this is your ball sack?
[08:10] Shin
    Of course not!
[08:14] Shin
    Gi-Gin-san!
[08:16] Gin
    We've got no choice.
[08:17] Gin
    They got stuck together.
[08:18] Gin
    We'll just have to ride out
    the storm on this story.
[08:20] Shin
    Is that even possible?!
[08:21] Shin
    We're supposed to
    weather the stormy seas
[08:23] Shin
    with that heavy anchor
    dangling from our boat?!
[08:34] Shin
    Yeah, it's not happening.
[08:36] Shin
    What do we do?
[08:38] Shin
    We should apologize before
    they figure out what happened.
[08:40] Gin
    Apologize?
[08:42] Gin
    For getting tangled up in
    their old man's ball sack
[08:45] Gin
    and treating him like a ball sack?
[08:49] Gin
    If we do that, we'll be murdered
    by the family of demons!
[08:54] Gin
    We'll have to trust him.
[08:56] Gin
    He'll make it work somehow.
[08:59] Gin
    All we can do is pray.
[09:01] Gin
    I pray for our success.
[09:02] Hijikata
    Wait a second!
[09:04] Hijikata
    Don't just spit out
    cliches and run away!
[09:07] Hijikata
    Do something about Kondo-san!
[09:08] Gin
    What?
[09:09] Gin
    It's his own fault for getting
    tangled in the ball sack!
[09:12] Hedoro
    What are you arguing about?
[09:14] Hedoro
    Did you forget your shampoo?
[09:17] Hedoro
    I can lend you my Temote.
[09:20] Gin
    N-No, I prefer Tsubakiki.
[09:22] Hijikata
    I go for Vidal Hahhoon.
[09:24] Gin
    Uh, I think I stayed in the bath
    too long, so I'd like to get going.
[09:28] Hedoro
    What? You haven't washed your body yet.
[09:31] Hedoro
    Are you trying to be considerate
    and give our family some space?
[09:34] Gin
    No, that's not it.
[09:35] Hedoro
    I'm terribly sorry.
[09:37] Hedoro
    We were the ones who barged in
    on the bath you had reserved.
[09:41] Hedoro
    Please allow us to wash your backs.
[09:44] Hedoro
    I cannot leave before I've
    shown my appreciation.
[09:47] Gin
    He wants to show his appreciation...
[09:50] Hijikata
    He won't let us leave
    until he's gotten revenge.
[09:52] Hedoro
    Jiro, Saburo.
[09:54] Hedoro
    Shiro, Goro.
[09:57] Hedoro
    We're going to wash their backs.
[10:01] Gin
    N-No, no, no!
[10:02] Shin
    N-No, thanks!
[10:03] Shin
    We can wash ourselves!
[10:06] Okita
    That's right.
[10:07] Okita
    When someone stands behind me,
    I get the urge to beat him down.
[10:09] Hijikata
    Hey! Stop making threats!
[10:11] Hijikata
    This isn't the time to let
    your sadistic side take over!
[10:13] Kondo
    Yeah! Let them wash your backs!
[10:17] Gin
    That's enough out of
    you, Grandpa Ball-Sack!
[10:20] Gin
    The gorilla is killing
    our chance to escape!
[10:24] Hedoro
    I'll wash Dad's back.
[10:27] Hedoro
    Let me know if there are
    any spots that itch.
[10:29] Kondo
    This brings back memories.
[10:31] Kondo
    When you were little, you
    used to wash my back for me.
[10:34] Hedoro
    You would always get mad.
[10:37] Hedoro
    You would yell at me to wash harder.
[10:41] Hedoro
    Dad! What's wrong?!
[10:43] Jiro
    His skin has peeled off, Brother Hedoro!
[10:46] Hedoro
    Impossible!
[10:47] Hedoro
    Dad used a sponge with
    nails to wash himself!
[10:50] Saburo
    When did he become so weak?
[10:53] Shiro
    Maybe this isn't Dad?
[10:56] Gin
    I-It must be, you know...
[10:58] Gin
    The soap. He must be
    allergic to the soap.
[11:01] Hedoro
    Would he start gushing blood
    because he's allergic to the soap?
[11:05] Gin
    The soap on Earth is really acidic,
[11:08] ---
    so you have to be careful
    or your body will dissolve!
[11:10] Hedoro
    Really...
[11:11] Hedoro
    I'm sorry, Dad.
[11:13] Gin
    I-It must be hard when you don't
    know anything about this place.
[11:16] Gin
    We'll teach you the Earth
    way of taking a bath,
[11:18] ---
    so please have a seat!
[11:24] Jiro
    Earthlings are so kind.
[11:26] Goro
    They allowed us in the bath that
    they had previously reserved,
[11:29] Goro
    and they're even offering
    to wash our backs.
[11:31] Hedoro
    Thank you very much.
[11:33] Hedoro
    I promise to return the favor.
[11:35] Gin
    N-No, we just want you to
    enjoy your stay on Earth.
[11:39] Hijikata
    Hey! Why are we doing this?!
[11:42] Gin
    It beats having the skin
    ripped off our backs!
[11:44] Hijikata
    Washing their backs
    is just as dangerous!
[11:48] Shin
    But we can prevent any further damage
[11:50] ---
    to Kondo-san by teaching
    them how we clean.
[11:54] Hedoro
    Let us learn how they wash
    their bodies in Edo, Dad.
[11:59] Shin
    See?
[12:00] Hijikata
    We need to be really delicate,
[12:01] ---
    'cause Kondo-san's body can't take much more.
[12:03] Gin
    That settles it.
[12:05] Gin
    Now, Hedoro-san.
[12:06] Gin
    Do as I do.
[12:08] Gin
    First, you must have a gentle mindset.
[12:11] Gin
    The soap on Earth is strong,
[12:13] ---
    so the softest of sponges
    can still hurt your body.
[12:17] Gin
    First, we add lotion to the
    water to make it smoother.
[12:21] Hijikata
    What kind of bath are we talking about?!
[12:23] Hijikata
    We don't need to teach them how to
[12:24] ---
    wash at the bathhouses you frequent!
[12:25] Gin
    I don't frequent them!
[12:26] Gin
    If the water is slimy enough,
[12:28] ---
    nobody will notice when
    there's an accident!
[12:30] Hijikata
    What kind of accident?!
[12:32] Hijikata
    Your mind is a pile of slime!
[12:34] Okita
    So you're a fan, boss.
[12:38] Hijikata
    And he already slimed him!
[12:41] Okita
    Huh, he's smoking?
[12:44] Shiro
    My body is on fire!
[12:46] Shiro
    Wh-What did you do?!
[12:49] Shin
    What is this?!
[12:50] Shin
    They're all in pain, Gin-san!
[12:52] Okita
    This is bad, chief.
[12:54] Okita
    It looks like their weakness is lotion.
[12:56] Gin
    What?!
[12:58] Gin
    Their weakness is lotion?
[12:59] ---
    Sure, most guys have a weakness for lotion!
[13:03] Kondo
    Lotion is getting in my wounds!
[13:05] Hedoro
    Say, Odd Jobs. Is everything okay?
[13:08] Gin
    E-Everything is fine!
[13:09] Gin
    This liquid kills germs.
[13:12] Gin
    The pain means that the germs are dying!
[13:14] Gin
    B-But we should probably wash it off.
[13:18] Gin
    Hey! Pour water on them!
[13:20] Gin
    Wash off the lotion!
[13:26] Hijikata
    Wh-What do you think you're doing?!
[13:28] Gin
    Wh-Who poured lotion
    all over the floor?!
[13:30] Hijikata
    You did!
[13:32] Okita
    Chief, am I doing it right?
[13:34] Hijikata
    You don't have to copy him!
[13:36] Shin
    Hijikata-san, we have no choice!
[13:38] Shin
    Act like this is how we bathe in Edo!
[13:41] Hijikata
    Hell no!
[13:43] Shin
    If you don't, you'll end up like him.
[13:44] Hedoro
    Odd Jobs, are you sure this is
    the proper way to apply water?
[13:49] Hijikata
    It's fine.
[13:50] Hijikata
    This is how we bathe in Edo.
[13:53] Hedoro
    You Edo folk are amazing.
[13:55] Hedoro
    You torture yourselves
    when you take a bath?
[13:59] Gin
    Pretty much!
[13:59] Gin
    It's like a form of training!
[14:03] Hedoro
    I'm very impressed by you samurai.
[14:06] Hedoro
    I wouldn't be able to
    stand this treatment.
[14:10] Gin
    H-He's running out of patience?!
[14:12] Hijikata
    Any more and he'll kill us all!
[14:15] Hijikata
    I can't trust this guy with our lives!
[14:18] Hijikata
    I'll take over then.
[14:21] Hijikata
    I have to make up for all
    the previous failures.
[14:24] Hijikata
    First, we pull the head out of the wall
[14:26] ---
    and wash it with lukewarm wate-
[14:29] Hijikata
    Wate-
[14:32] Hijikata
    H-He won't come out!
[14:35] Hijikata
    Wate-
[14:40] Hijikata
    But you're actually trying to
    impale your forehead on the horns.
[14:43] Shin
    Even Hijikata-san screwed up!
[14:46] Hedoro
    Huh? Why would you do that?
[14:49] Hijikata
    This is how we make amends
    for the previous step.
[14:53] Hijikata
    Yeah, isn't that right?
[14:55] Gin
    No, I've never heard that before.
[14:59] Hijikata
    Huh?
[14:59] Gin
    That's not how we bathe in Edo.
[15:02] Hijikata
    The bastard is ignoring my mistake?!
[15:06] Hijikata
    That's bullshit!
[15:07] Hijikata
    I've been saving your
    ass this whole time!
[15:09] Hijikata
    No, think long and hard.
[15:11] Hijikata
    You've done this before.
[15:12] Gin
    No, I haven't.
[15:13] Gin
    I guarantee it.
[15:14] Gin
    Why would I want to do that?
[15:16] Gin
    Could you stop?
[15:17] Gin
    It's pretty disgusting to try to pass
    off your mistake as an Edo tradition.
[15:20] Hijikata
    Then what the hell have you
    been doing this whole time?!
[15:22] Hedoro
    Huh? What are you talking about?
[15:24] Hijikata
    Man, this is bad!
[15:26] Hijikata
    He's figured out that something's wrong!
[15:27] Okita
    Huh? You don't follow this practice?
[15:30] Okita
    Everybody in the Shinsengumi does.
[15:34] Hijikata
    Sogo...
[15:35] Hijikata
    You're helping me?
[15:37] Okita
    Watch this.
[15:38] Okita
    You aim for the center...
[15:40] Okita
    Like this!
[15:41] Hijikata
    Why me?!
[15:44] Hijikata
    I was wondering why he
    would jump to my rescue.
[15:47] Hijikata
    Now I see why!
[15:49] Hijikata
    In that case...
[15:55] Shin
    Do these people even realize
    that we're in a bathhouse?!
[15:58] Shin
    This has nothing to do
    with bathing anymore!
[16:00] Shin
    And why are the Hedoro brothers
    letting you do this?!
[16:04] Hedoro
    I see, there are many
    different practices in Edo.
[16:08] Shin
    Gin-san! Kondo-san!
[16:12] Shin
    Th-That's a barbaric practice that was
    introduced by some country bumpkins!
[16:15] Shin
    You don't need to follow it!
[16:16] Hedoro
    Oh, really. That's good.
[16:19] Hedoro
    Since the practice would
    damage our precious horns.
[16:22] Shin
    Horns?
[16:23] Hedoro
    Yes, for the Dakini, our horns are
    almost as important as our lives.
[16:30] Hedoro
    One represents our pride.
[16:32] Hedoro
    The other represents our soul.
[16:34] Hedoro
    If our horns are damaged, our
    pride and soul are tarnished.
[16:41] Gin
    The soul of a Dakini...
[16:43] Hijikata
    ...is stuck in the dirtiest
    place in this world!
[16:47] Gin
    Pull it out before they notice!
[16:49] Hijikata
    It's no use! It's completely stuck!
[16:52] Okita
    Kondo-san's rectal
    muscles are superhuman.
[16:54] Okita
    Let me handle this!
[16:57] Hijikata
    Why did you snap them?!
[16:59] Hedoro
    Saburo...
[17:01] Hedoro
    Your horns...
[17:02] Gin
    Is something wrong with his horns?!
[17:05] Hedoro
    Well, Saburo's horns appear to be...
[17:07] Hedoro
    Huh? They're fine.
[17:09] Hedoro
    That's odd...
[17:10] Hedoro
    I could have sworn that...
[17:11] Gin
    I-It must have been your imagination.
[17:13] Hijikata
    You stuck them in upside-down!
[17:14] Hijikata
    You stabbed them right into his head!
[17:16] Okita
    Anyway, it was tough
    getting those horns out.
[17:19] Okita
    Huh? They're still there.
[17:21] Gin
    I snapped Shiro's horns off
    and stuck them on Saburo.
[17:24] Hijikata
    That doesn't help anything!
[17:26] Hijikata
    Now Shiro's missing his horns!
[17:27] Okita
    We'll have to snap off
    Goro's horns next.
[17:30] Hijikata
    Will it ever end?!
[17:31] Gin
    Then we'll take one horn each from
    Goro and Jiro to stick on Shiro.
[17:34] Hijikata
    That's not the issue!
[17:36] Hijikata
    You're just making it worse!
[17:38] Gin
    What about the sixth one?
[17:38] Hijikata
    There isn't a sixth brother!
[17:40] Hijikata
    We only have five to work with!
[17:41] Hedoro
    Hey, Saburo, Shiro.
[17:43] Hedoro
    And Dad.
[17:44] Hedoro
    If you fool around too much,
    your precious horns will be...
[17:48] Hedoro
    Shiro! Your horns!
[17:50] Gin
    Is something wrong with his horns?!
[17:51] Hijikata
    Now he docked them together!
[17:53] Hedoro
    Well, Shiro's horns appear to be...
[17:55] Hedoro
    Huh? They're fine.
[17:57] Hedoro
    Wait, there's two of them, so
    there should be four horns...
[18:00] Okita
    Now...
[18:02] Okita
    There are four horns.
[18:03] Hijikata
    Those are completely different horns!
[18:05] Hedoro
    Oh, that's a relief.
[18:07] Hedoro
    It appears that they're safe.
[18:08] Hijikata
    How can he believe this crap?!
[18:09] Shin
    Such strong horns...
[18:11] Hijikata
    In that case, there's nothing
[18:12] ---
    wrong with the horns that
    are stuck in his ass.
[18:14] Gin
    Okay, that's enough preparation.
[18:17] Gin
    It's time to wash your backs.
[18:18] Hijikata
    I'm too scared to go near them.
SIGN    Kiddy Bath Do not jump in.
[18:21] Hedoro
    We just need to throw them in the bath?
[18:23] Gin
    Yeah, like this.
[18:25] Hijikata
    Hey!
[18:26] Hijikata
    That's not how you wash someone's back!
[18:29] Hijikata
    That's how you dispose of a body!
[18:32] Hedoro
    Th-That's...
[18:35] Hedoro
    Dad's ball sack has surfaced!
[18:37] Dad
    You're wrong!
[18:39] Dad
    Don't call me a ball sack!
[18:41] Hedoro
    Huh? That means you've
    returned to your former self.
[18:45] Hedoro
    H-How did you enjoy your stay on Earth?
[18:48] Hedoro
    Was it fun?
[18:51] Dad
    Hell no!
[18:53] Dad
    It was a terrible experience!
[18:56] Gin
    D-Damn, he's pissed!
[18:58] Hijikata
    Of course he is.
[18:59] Hijikata
    We were calling him a ball sack.
[19:01] Hijikata
    We're dead!
[19:01] Hijikata
    For sure!
[19:03] Hedoro
    I-I'm very sorry, Dad.
[19:05] Hedoro
    You didn't like Edo.
[19:10] Dad
    I didn't come here so you could
    show the family the sights.
[19:15] Dad
    I wanted to see if you were
    living a proper life in Edo.
[19:21] Dad
    When you were little, you
    spent your days alone
[19:25] Dad
    because your appearance
    scared everyone off.
[19:29] Dad
    So I wanted to see that you weren't
    alone on this distant planet.
[19:35] Dad
    It was a terrible experience.
[19:38] Dad
    I have a bad impression of Edo.
[19:40] Dad
    But that doesn't matter.
[19:43] Dad
    Because I met some friendly
    people who tried their best
[19:47] Dad
    to make me welcome.
[19:53] Dad
    Hedoro, you've found some good friends.
[20:02] Dad
    Everyone...
[20:03] All
    Please continue to be
    friends with our brother.
[20:07] Chibi
    Please!
[20:08] Hedoro
    E-Everyone...
[20:13] Shin
    I guess we misunderstood
    their intentions.
[20:23] Shin
    A scary family?
[20:26] Shin
    I'd say they're a pretty nice family.
[20:28] Gin
    We shouldn't bother them.
[20:32] Gin
    Let's make ourselves scarce then.
[20:35] Dad
    Oh! Please wait!
[20:38] Dad
    I would like to thank you!
[20:39] Shin
    No, that won't be necessary.
[20:41] Dad
    Well, boys?
[20:42] Dad
    Let's show our appreciation
    in an Edo fashion.
[20:47] Jiro
    I like the sound of that.
[20:48] Jiro
    We'll do for them everything
    they've done for us.
[20:53] Hedoro
    Come over here, guys.
[20:56] Hedoro
    It's our turn to wash
    your backs Edo-style.
SIGN    Greater Edo Bath
[21:02] Kagura
    When I said we should leave together,
[21:06] Kagura
    I was always the one who had to wait.
[21:11] Kagura
    Until my wet hair dried,
[21:16] Kagura
    and my soap became hard.
[21:21] Kagura
    You would embrace me,
[21:26] Kagura
    and say that it was cold.
SIGN    Next Episode
[23:20] A
    Lady!
[23:21] A
    After hearing that you will
    be the star next week,
[23:24] ---
    I became as excited as a ****** ** ****!
[23:28] Kyubei
    Shut up.
[23:28] A
    Yes, ma'am.
SIGN    Jugem
[23:30] Kyubei
    Next time:
[23:30] Kyubei
    Jugem.
[23:31] Kyubei
    If you don't understand the title,
[23:33] ---
    you should do some research.
[23:33] ---
    

E221 - Jugem
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:31] A
    Hey, did you hear?
[01:33] A
    There was a messenger from the shogun.
SIGN    Yagyu Dojo
[01:36] A
    It seems that the shogun wishes for the Yagyu to take custody of a key man.
[01:42] B
    It must be someone of Tokugawa blood.
[01:46] B
    If not, it will surely be someone from a noble family.
[01:50] B
    The Yagyu used to be responsible for providing instruction to the shogun.
[01:54] B
    It will be an honor to train alongside a relative of the shogun.
[01:58] B
    Still, I wonder who it's supposed to be.
[02:04] Papa
    I'm sure that you've heard the rumors.
[02:06] Papa
    The shogun has requested that we take custody of a key man.
SIGN    Celebrity Life
[02:14] Papa
    We are supposed to drill him in the teachings of the Yagyu
[02:16] Papa
    and raise him to become a proper celebrity.
[02:19] Papa
    And so...
[02:20] Papa
    I want to put you in charge of his upbringing.
[02:24] Papa
    As you know, my father, Binbokusai Yagyu
[02:26] Papa
    once instructed the shogun's father in the art of the sword.
[02:32] Papa
    Now it is your turn.
[02:34] Papa
    You will stay with our guest at all times,
[02:37] Papa
    while training him to become a warrior and keeping him safe.
[02:41] Papa
    Can I count on you?
[02:42] Kyubei
    Understood.
[02:44] Kyubei
    I, Kyubei, swear to fulfill my duty to the Yagyu...
[02:47] Kyubei
    No, to fulfill my duty to the shogun, Father.
[02:50] Papa
    Yes, an excellent response.
[02:52] Papa
    But...
[02:54] Papa
    It's not Father, it's Papa!
[02:55] Papa
    Or Daddy if you insist!
[02:57] Papa
    You must act like a celebrity!
SIGN    Celebrity Life
[03:00] Kyubei
    I-I'm sorry, Papa!
[03:03] Papa
    Listen, you will be teaching him more than how to use a sword.
[03:06] Papa
    You must teach him to behave like a celebrity,
[03:08] Papa
    to live the celebrity life!
[03:10] Papa
    If anything happens to him,
[03:12] ---
    seppuku will only be the beginning of our punishment.
[03:14] Papa
    Protect him with all of your might and
[03:16] ---
    raise him to become a worthy celebrity!
[03:18] Papa
    Failure will not be allowed.
[03:20] Kyubei
    Yes, sir.
[03:22] Papa
    Then Kyubei, you must introduce yourself.
[03:26] Kyubei
    Introduce myself?
[03:28] Kyubei
    To who?
[03:29] Papa
    What are you talking about?
[03:31] Papa
    He's right there.
[03:37] Kyubei
    Papa, this is...
[03:40] Papa
    A key-mon.
SIGN    Jugem
[03:50] Gin
    What's this?
[03:51] Gin
    Are we supposed to laugh?
[03:52] Gin
    Will you spare us if we laugh?
[03:54] Shin
    So what is going on here, Kyubei-san?
[03:56] Kyubei
    The shogun bought his younger sister a monkey as a pet,
[04:00] Kyubei
    and this is that monkey's son.
[04:02] Kyubei
    However, this monkey is a mischievous prankster who refuses to listen.
[04:07] Kyubei
    The retainers were at their wits' end,
[04:09] ---
    so they decided to assign its training
[04:12] Kyubei
    to the Yagyu.
[04:14] Gin
    So they're passing along the hard work.
[04:17] Gin
    The former instructors of the shogun have
[04:19] ---
    been reduced to monkey tamers.
[04:21] Gin
    The prosperous must decay, huh?
[04:26] Gin
    This stinks! What is it?!
[04:28] Kyubei
    Be careful.
[04:29] Kyubei
    The second this guy senses that someone is insulting him,
[04:30] Kyubei
    he launches poop as fast as Eastwood.
[04:33] Kyubei
    He has the pride of a celebrity, at least.
[04:36] Gin
    Where would you find a celebrity that throws shit around?!
[04:38] Gin
    Roppongi Hills?!
[04:39] Otae
    Kyu-chan, Gin-san is right.
[04:41] Otae
    The shogun's retainers just wanted to be rid of it.
[04:44] ---
    They won't come back for it.
[04:46] Kyubei
    That may be the case, but an order is an order.
[04:48] Kyubei
    I must obey.
[04:50] Shin
    You're going to keep on looking after this key-mon?
[04:53] Kyubei
    He may be naughty, but he's learned how to apologize.
[04:56] Kyubei
    Now apologize.
[04:59] Shin
    He threw poop while he was apologizing.
[05:01] Shin
    He looks as guilty as a regular shoplifter who's gotten caught again.
[05:04] Kyubei
    Now that he's my responsibility,
[05:06] Kyubei
    I intend to raise him into a celebrity monkey who
[05:08] ---
    can stand with the best of them.
[05:10] Kyubei
    But there's one problem.
[05:12] Kyubei
    This monkey doesn't have a name yet.
[05:16] Kyubei
    They intended to give him to one of the shogun's relatives,
[05:19] Kyubei
    so they were going to leave the naming to them.
[05:23] Kyubei
    But that idea fell through, so he has no name.
[05:26] Kyubei
    Since I'll be taking care of him, it would help if he had a name.
[05:30] Kyubei
    I would prefer a lucky name that he can be proud of
[05:33] Kyubei
    once he returns to the shogun's family.
[05:35] Gin
    It doesn't matter what you name a monkey.
[05:37] Gin
    How's Monkiki sound?
[05:39] Kyubei
    He doesn't like it.
[05:40] Gin
    Hey! He doesn't know how to express himself without using shit?!
[05:43] Gin
    And how much shit is he packing?!
[05:46] Kyubei
    Plain old Monkey would be better than Monkiki
[05:49] Kyubei
    since the name change hurt his popularity.
[05:50] Shin
    Who are you talking about?
[05:52] Otae
    A lucky name?
[05:54] Otae
    How about Jugem?
[05:56] Shin
    What's that?
[05:57] Otae
    It's a way of wishing for someone to have a long life.
SIGN    Jugem
[06:02] Kyubei
    Oh, he likes it, Tae-chan.
[06:03] Gin
    What the hell?
[06:04] Gin
    He still throws shit when he agrees?
[06:06] Gin
    And why am I always the target?
[06:07] Gin
    I have a feeling he just doesn't like me.
[06:10] Gin
    Let's call him Shit-Tosser!
[06:12] Kyubei
    If it brings luck, it'll work.
[06:15] Shin
    It'll bring a lot more than luck. That's for sure.
[06:18] Shin
    The name's not subtle enough.
[06:20] Shin
    We should try for something that's more fluid.
[06:22] Kagura
    Runny Diarrhea?
[06:24] Shin
    That's not what I meant!
[06:25] Shin
    I didn't mean that the poop should be more fluid!
[06:27] Shin
    I was saying that we should try for a name
[06:28] ---
    that flows better and isn't so obvious!
[06:30] Gin
    Hey!  Now he's throwing shit that's more fluid!
[06:32] Gin
    Do something about this!
[06:34] Otae
    Isn't so obvious...
[06:35] Otae
    Oh, then...
[06:37] Otae
    How about Shin-chan's Two-Day-Old Underwear?
[06:39] Shin
    They were dirty?!
[06:41] Shin
    Why are you telling everybody this?!
[06:44] Kagura
    That would be mean.
[06:46] Kagura
    Let's just name him Shinpachi's Sorry Life.
[06:49] Shin
    Now you're making it sound like I'm covered in shit!
[06:53] Gin
    Hey! Enough already!
[06:55] Gin
    I'm the one who's covered in shit!
[06:57] Kyubei
    I see.
[06:58] Kyubei
    Then let's go with Jugem Jugem Shit-Tossing the Life of
[07:01] Kyubei
    Shin-chan's Two-Day-Old Underwear Runny Diarrhea.
[07:05] Shin
    That's long!
[07:06] Shin
    Why did you combine them all?!
[07:08] Kyubei
    Well, everybody was helping me brainstorm.
[07:11] Kyubei
    And it can't hurt to have too many lucky names.
[07:14] Shin
    None of those are lucky names!
[07:15] Shin
    Most of them involve poop in one form or another!
[07:17] Kyubei
    However, this name may be lucky, but it lacks class.
[07:21] Kyubei
    We should try to make his name something that is more socially acceptable.
[07:24] Shin
    You want to keep going?!
[07:25] Shin
    It'll be damn hard to turn that into something socially acceptable!
[07:27] Shin
    It'd be like turning the last boss into the hero!
[07:30] Shin
    That Runny Diarrhea part will be the hardest to spin!
[07:33] Shin
    You don't have any chance of finding a hero
[07:36] ---
    that can add class to that name!
SIGN    Jugem Jugem Shit-Tossing the Life of Shin-chan's Two-Day-Old Underwear Runny Diarrhea
[07:38] Shin
    We'll need a really cool name to make it work!
[07:40] Kagura
    How about Balmung Fezalion?
[07:43] Shin
    That's so juvenile!
[07:45] Shin
    This is supposed to be the name of a monkey!
[07:47] Kagura
    Balmung Fezalion.
[07:49] Kagura
    Also known as the Black Wind.
[07:50] Kagura
    Captain of the Fakinaway dark knights.
[07:52] Kagura
    He is normally a composed person,
[07:54] Kagura
    but when his comrades are in trouble,
[07:56] Kagura
    he loses sight of his surroundings and goes berserk.
[07:57] Kagura
    A minus.
[07:58] Kagura
    His dreaded enemy, the Demon Emperor Runny Diarrhea, is his father.
[08:01] Kagura
    A third eye appears on his forehead when his true powers awaken.
[08:04] Kagura
    Later became the Brutal Emperor Kaiser Fakinaway.
[08:06] Shin
    Who are you talking about?!
[08:07] Shin
    Nobody's asked to...
[08:09] Kagura
    His ultimate attack is Dark Fakinaway.
[08:11] Kagura
    It only works when his third eye is open.
[08:13] Kagura
    Hell Fakinaway.
[08:14] Kagura
    It only works when it's that time.
[08:16] Shin
    Why are there commands for his ultimate attacks?!
[08:18] Shin
    And when is that time?!
[08:20] Otae
    He sounds pretty cool,
[08:21] ---
    but he seems to be depending too much on Fakinaway.
[08:24] Shin
    Uh, that has nothing to do with his name!
[08:27] Otae
    And it's not very lucky to rely on the powers of darkness.
[08:32] Shin
    Nobody's using any powers of darkness!
[08:34] Shin
    They don't exist!
[08:35] Otae
    How does this sound?
[08:38] Otae
    Issac Schneider.
[08:40] Otae
    Also known as the Prince of Light.
[08:41] Otae
    Balmung's younger twin brother.
[08:43] Otae
    While his brother was abandoned at young age,
[08:45] ---
    Issac was able to live in comfort.
[08:46] Otae
    He realizes his father's dark intentions
[08:48] Otae
    and achieves peace with Balmung after the Ragnarok Shepherd War.
[08:52] Otae
    Then they form a band, which is now known as B'z.
[08:54] Shin
    Now known as B'z, my ass!
[08:56] Shin
    Stop lying through your teeth!
[08:58] Shin
    Why would they ignore their father's evil and start a band?!
[09:01] Otae
    Special card ability:
[09:03] Otae
    Bad Communication.
[09:04] Otae
    Return all opponent's attack cards to their hands.
[09:06] Otae
    My selfish love won't let met me hurt you.
[09:09] Otae
    My selfish love destroys all cards that aren't Matsumoto.
[09:12] Shin
    Hey!
[09:13] Shin
    Is this supposed to be a card game or a fighting game?!
[09:16] Kagura
    You're awesome, boss lady!
[09:17] Kagura
    You've helped to turn Balmung back to the side of light!
[09:20] Shin
    Are you sure?!
[09:21] Shin
    Are you sure she didn't just turn him into a band member?!
[09:23] Kyubei
    Yes, the threat of Runny Diarrhea has been avoided.
[09:26] Shin
    The hell it has!
[09:27] Shin
    They ignored it!
[09:28] Shin
    They ignored it and started B'z instead!
[09:31] Kyubei
    Okay, time to get serious.
[09:33] Kyubei
    What should we try next?
[09:34] Shin
    You still want to continue?
[09:36] Shin
    His name is too long already.
[09:38] Otae
    Yes, let's try...
[09:41] Kyubei
    Okay, finished.
[09:43] Kyubei
    Jugem Jugem Shit-Tossing the
[09:45] Kyubei
    Life of Shin-chan's Two-Day-Old Underwear
[09:48] Kyubei
    Balmung Fezalion Issac Schneider
[09:50] Kyubei
    1/3 True Love 2/3 Hangnail Anxiety
[09:54] Kyubei
    Betrayal Knows My Name Or Does It Really
[09:57] Kyubei
    Ignore Calls Squid Dogfish Halibut Trout-Cod Dogfish...
[10:00] Kyubei
    This Is a Different Dogfish, I'm Talking About The Dogfish Shark
[10:02] Kyubei
    Kaluga Angler Ray
[10:03] Kyubei
    Yuuteimiyaoukimukou Pepepepepepepepepepepepe
[10:08] Kyubei
    Runny Diarrhea.
[10:09] Shin
    That's frickin' long!
[10:10] Shin
    And it turned into a game of Shiritori halfway through!
[10:13] Shin
    And look at the last part!
[10:15] Shin
    That's just a Spell of Resurrection!
[10:17] Shin
    What happened to all that talk about class?
[10:20] Kyubei
    A true name represents the name of your soul.
[10:22] Kyubei
    If someone were to learn your true name,
[10:23] ---
    they would have free reign over your soul.
[10:26] Kyubei
    But since your name is this long,
[10:27] ---
    nobody will be able to profane your soul.
[10:30] Kyubei
    Isn't that wonderful,
[10:31] Kyubei
    Jugem Jugem Shit-Tossing the
[10:33] Kyubei
    Life of Shin-chan's Two-Day-Old Underwear
[10:36] Kyubei
    Balmung Fezalion Issac Schneider
[10:38] Kyubei
    1/3 True Love 2/3 Hangnail Anxiety
[10:42] Kyubei
    Betrayal Knows My Name Or Does It Really
[10:45] Kyubei
    Ignore Calls Squid Dogfish Halibut Trout-Cod Dogfish...
[10:48] Kyubei
    This Is a Different Dogfish, I'm Talking About The Dogfish Shark
[10:50] Kyubei
    Kaluga Angler Ray
[10:51] Kyubei
    Yuuteimiyaoukimukou Pepepepepepepepepepepepe
[10:55] Kyubei
    Runny Diarrhea.
[10:56] Shin
    It's frickin' long!
[10:57] Shin
    It's obviously too frickin' long!
[10:58] Shin
    You just ate up thirty seconds!
[11:00] Otae
    The road ahead will be tough, so hang in there.
[11:03] Otae
    Let her take good care of you,
[11:04] Otae
    Jugem Jugem Shit-Tossing
[11:06] Otae
    the Life of Shin-chan's Two-Day-Old Underwear
[11:08] Otae
    Balmung Fezalion Issac Schneider 1/3 True Love 2/3 Hangnail...
[11:12] Shin
    Enough! Enough already!
[11:13] Shin
    You don't have to say his entire name!
[11:16] Kagura
    Don't spend all your time throwing poop around,
[11:18] Kagura
    Jugem Jugem Shit-Tossing the
[11:20] Kagura
    Life of Shin-chan's Two-Day-Old Underwear
[11:22] Kagura
    Balmung Fezalion Issac Schneider 1/3...
[11:24] Shin
    Hey! Cut that out!
[11:26] Shin
    We aren't going to get anywhere like this!
[11:28] Shin
    And you guys have really good memories!
[11:29] Kyubei
    Thank you, everyone.
[11:31] Kyubei
    I will raise him to be a celebrity monkey!
[11:34] Kyubei
    Let's go, Jugem Jugem Shit-Tossing the Life...
[11:36] Shin
    Leave already!
[11:38] Shin
    Please leave already!
[11:40] Shin
    W-Was it really such a good idea
[11:42] ---
    to give him that long-ass name?
[11:45] Otae
    I'm sure that Kyu-chan will be fine with
[11:47] Otae
    Jugem Jugem Shit-Tossing the
[11:48] Otae
    Life of Shin-chan's Two-Day-Old Underwear
[11:50] Otae
    Balmung Fezalion Issac Schneider
[11:52] Otae
    1/3 True Love 2/3 Hangnail Anxiety
[11:56] Otae
    Betrayal Knows My Name Or Does It Really
[11:59] Otae
    Ignore Calls Squid Dogfish Halibut Trout-Cod Dogfish...
[12:01] Shin
    Enough!
SIGN    Otae-chan Love
[14:19] Tojo
    They're incredibly close.
[14:21] Tojo
    She treats him like her own little brother.
[14:26] Tojo
    Dammit!
[14:29] Tojo
    How could I, Ayumu Tojo, be foolish enough to let a monkey one-up me?!
[14:33] Tojo
    Before he came, I was always the one at my lady's side!
[14:37] Gin
    More like you were always watching her from the shadows.
[14:39] Tojo
    I was the one meant to rest upon her shoulder like a chirping bird!
[14:43] Gin
    More like you were meant to rest in a soapland.
[14:46] Tojo
    My only refuge is in the corner
[14:47] ---
    of the loft next to a sliding shower curtain ring!
[14:50] Tojo
    I'm like a leftover sliding shower curtain ring!
[14:53] Tojo
    The curtain has no room for me!
[14:55] Tojo
    But when it slides left or right, I still get pushed along!
[14:57] Tojo
    Sliding between the dojo and the loft!
[14:59] Tojo
    I'm like a sliding ring that slides until it dies!
[15:03] Tojo
    I'm sliding!
[15:04] Tojo
    But it's a slidin' shame!
[15:06] Tojo
    'Cause I slide!
[15:07] Gin
    Enough with the slidin' already!
[15:09] Gin
    Why did you come here?!
[15:12] Gin
    Nothing's changed at all!
[15:14] Gin
    Go slide yourself off in a soapland!
[15:16] Shin
    That's right.
[15:17] Shin
    How can you be jealous of a monkey?
[15:20] Shin
    And this is a good experience for Kyubei-san.
[15:24] Shin
    You were the one who wanted her to act more like a girl.
[15:27] Kagura
    That's right! Kyu-chan's never looked like this before!
[15:31] Tojo
    Shut up!
[15:32] Tojo
    What would you know?!
[15:35] Tojo
    In that case, tell me this!
[15:37] Tojo
    A monkey's ass looks cute in anime,
[15:41] Tojo
    but in real life, it's all rough and gross!
[15:44] Tojo
    It's damn sick!
[15:46] Shin
    What is he even talking about?
[15:48] Tojo
    When I think about how that filthy ass
[15:50] ---
    has been rubbing up against the lady's shoulder,
[15:52] Tojo
    I just... I just...
[15:55] Tojo
    Feel so jealous.
[15:57] Gin
    Hey, Kagura. Make his ass all rough and gross.
[16:01] Tojo
    That hurts!
[16:03] Tojo
    Hey, this isn't funny!
[16:05] Tojo
    I'm sorry! Forgive me!
[16:06] Tojo
    Not there!
[16:08] Tojo
    Regardless, I long to turn that monkey into monkey soup.
[16:12] Tojo
    However, he is a member of the shogun's family.
[16:15] Tojo
    I can not lay a finger on him.
[16:17] Tojo
    It pains me to admit this, but the monkey may
[16:19] ---
    be having a positive effect on the lady.
[16:22] Tojo
    But I haven't told her this yet...
[16:26] Tojo
    I have bad news for her.
[16:28] Tojo
    Though it's good news for me.
[16:31] Tojo
    The shogun's family has requested the return of the monkey.
[16:36] Tojo
    You heard that the monkey was supposed to be a gift to a relative, right?
[16:42] Tojo
    Apparently, they've heard that the monkey has been trained,
[16:48] Tojo
    so they have requested that the monkey be gifted to them.
[16:53] Kagura
    I-It's not fair to ask for him now!
[16:55] Kagura
    They're the ones who didn't want him!
[16:57] Tojo
    But we knew this from the beginning.
[17:00] Tojo
    They requested that we train the unruly beast.
[17:02] Shin
    But Kyubei-san will be...
[17:04] Tojo
    I wouldn't have been worried about the lady before.
[17:08] Tojo
    But now that she's grown so attached to that monkey...
[17:12] Tojo
    I beg you!
[17:13] Tojo
    Could you please break this news to the lady?!
[17:17] Kagura
    Huh?! How can you even ask such a thing?!
[17:20] Tojo
    Because!
[17:21] Tojo
    She'll hate me if I'm the one who tells her!
[17:23] Tojo
    Lords Binbokusai and Koshinori are so mean!
[17:26] Tojo
    They always give me the tough jobs!
[17:28] Tojo
    If I tell her to return the monkey, she'll stop talking to me again!
[17:40] Kyubei
    I see...
[17:42] Kyubei
    They want their monkey back...
[17:45] Tojo
    L-Lady...?
[17:47] Shin
    Kyubei-san...
[17:52] Kyubei
    I am relieved.
[17:53] Kyubei
    I was able to fulfill my duty.
[17:57] Tojo
    Huh?
[17:58] Kyubei
    Jugem Jugem Shit-Tossing the
SIGN    Fast Forward
[18:00] Kyubei
    Life of Shin-chan's Two-Day-Old Underwear
[18:02] Kyubei
    Balmung Fezalion Issac Schneider
[18:04] Kyubei
    1/3 True Love 2/3 Hangnail Anxiety
[18:07] Kyubei
    Betrayal Knows My Name Or Does It Really
[18:09] Kyubei
    Ignore Calls Squid Dogfish Halibut Trout-Cod Dogfish...
[18:12] Kyubei
    This Is a Different Dogfish, I'm Talking About The Dogfish Shark
[18:13] Kyubei
    Kaluga Angler Ray
[18:13] Kyubei
    Yuuteimiyaoukimukou Pepepepepepepepepepepepe
[18:15] Kyubei
    Runny Diarrhea will no longer cause trouble for anyone.
[18:19] Shin
    Uh, that long-ass name could cause a lot of trouble.
[18:23] Kyubei
    I've taught him to throw his poop into a toilet instead of at people.
[18:29] Gin
    You might wanna teach him that I'm not a toilet.
[18:32] Kagura
    But Kyu-chan, are you okay with parting with him?
[18:36] Kyubei
    I don't see what the problem is.
[18:38] Kyubei
    That was the job.
[18:40] Kyubei
    I am his teacher, not his owner.
[18:45] Kyubei
    My duty is to return him to the shogun once he's trained.
[18:56] Kyubei
    This will be our last night together, but I can't let you sleep with me.
[19:01] Kyubei
    Tomorrow, you'll be sleeping somewhere else.
[19:06] Kyubei
    You need to get used to it.
[19:08] Kyubei
    A celebrity samurai must be able to fall asleep in any location.
[19:20] Kyubei
    Well, good night.
[19:29] Kagura
    But they didn't even want him!
[19:32] Kagura
    And now they change their minds?!
[19:34] Kagura
    And you gave him a wonderful name and took such good care of him!
[19:39] Kagura
    I'm sure that he'll miss you.
[19:44] Kyubei
    I am simply following my orders from the Bakufu.
[19:49] Kyubei
    I do not feel any particular affection for this monkey.
[19:59] Kyubei
    Quiet. Go to sleep.
[20:04] Kyubei
    Quiet.
[21:00] Kyubei
    You don't need to feel sad.
[21:02] Kyubei
    It doesn't matter if we're separated by a screen...
[21:06] Kyubei
    Doesn't matter how far apart we are...
[21:10] Kyubei
    I'll always be by your side,
[21:16] Kyubei
    Jugem Jugem Shit-Tossing the Life of
[21:20] Kyubei
    Shin-chan's Two-Day-Old Underwear
[21:23] Kyubei
    Balmung Fezalion Issac Schneider
[21:26] Kyubei
    1/3 True Love 2/3 Hangnail Anxiety
[21:30] Kyubei
    Betrayal Knows My Name Or Does It Really
[21:33] Kyubei
    Ignore Calls Squid Dogfish Halibut Trout-Cod Dogfish...
[21:36] Kyubei
    This Is a Different Dogfish, I'm Talking About The Dogfish Shark
[21:40] Kyubei
    Kaluga Angler Ray
[21:40] Kyubei
    Yuuteimiyaoukimukou Pepepepepepepepepepepepe
[21:44] Kyubei
    Runny Diarrhea.
SIGN    His name is so long that we'll have to continue this in the next episode.
SIGN    Next Episode
[23:21] Tojo
    D-Damn it all!
[23:22] Tojo
    After that monkey toyed with the lady's feelings, he ran away!
[23:26] Tojo
    How dare he abuse her kindness!
[23:28] Tojo
    I'm so jealous!
[23:30] Kyubei
    Shut up.
[23:30] Tojo
    Yes, ma'am!
SIGN    The Name Reveals the Person
[23:31] Kyubei
    Next time:
[23:32] Kyubei
    The name reveals the person.
[23:33] ---
    

E222 - "The name reveals the person"
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] Kyubei
    But there's one problem.
[00:02] Kyubei
    This monkey doesn't have a name yet.
[00:05] Otae
    How about Jugem?
[00:06] Gin
    Let's call him Shit-Tosser!
[00:08] Kagura
    Runny Diarrhea?
[00:09] Otae
    How about Shin-chan's
    Two-Day-Old Underwear?
[00:11] Kagura
    Let's just name him
    Shinpachi's Sorry Life.
[00:12] Kagura
    How about Balmung Fezalion?
[00:14] Otae
    Issac Schneider.
[00:15] Kyubei
    Okay, finished.
[00:17] Shin
    That's frickin' long!
[00:18] Tojo
    I have bad news for her.
[00:20] Tojo
    Though it's good news for me.
[00:23] Tojo
    The shogun's family has requested
    the return of the monkey.
[00:27] Kyubei
    You don't need to feel sad.
[00:30] Kyubei
    It doesn't matter how
    far apart we are...
[00:33] Kyubei
    I'll always be by your side.
[00:38] Kyubei
    Take care.
SIGN    The Name Reveals the Person
[03:26] Papa
    T-T-T-T-T...
[03:29] Papa
    Terrible news!
[03:31] Kyubei
    Fa- Papa, is something wrong?
[03:34] Papa
    That monkey ran away!
[03:38] Papa
    How can this be?
[03:40] Papa
    Now, the honor of the
    Yagyu Family is in peril.
[03:44] Papa
    Wait! Kyubei!
[03:47] Kyubei
    The third squad will search
    the area near the castle.
[03:50] Kyubei
    The second squad should be
    setting traps to capture it.
[03:53] Kyubei
    Everyone else should head into
    town and comb the streets.
[03:55] Kyubei
    Understood?
[03:56] Kyubei
    Don't forget your bananas and nets.
[03:57] All
    Yes, ma'am!
[03:58] Kyubei
    Move out!
[03:59] All
    Yes, ma'am!
[04:02] Kyubei
    Please be safe,
[04:03] Kyubei
    Jugem Jugem Shit-Tossing the
[04:05] ---
    Life of Shin-chan's 
    Two-Day-Old Underwear
[04:08] ---
    Balmung Fezalion Issac Schneider
[04:10] ---
    1/3 True Love 2/3 Hangnail Anxiety
[04:14] ---
    Betrayal Knows My Name Or Does It Really
[04:17] ---
    Ignore Calls Squid Dogfish 
    Halibut Trout-Cod Dogfish...
[04:20] ---
    This Is a Different Dogfish,
[04:22] ---
    I'm Talking About The Dogfish Shark
[04:23] ---
    Kaluga Angler Ray
[04:24] ---
    Yuuteimiyaoukimukou 
    Pepepepepepepepepepepepe
[04:27] ---
    Runny Diarrhea.
SIGN    Otae-chan Love
[04:42] Papa
    There you are!
[04:45] Papa
    Wait!
[04:47] Papa
    Please wait!
[05:02] A
    Found it!
[05:21] B
    This is where the last
    sighting took place.
[05:23] Kyubei
    I see.
[05:25] Kyubei
    Continue the search.
[05:27] Both
    Yes, ma'am!
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[05:49] Shin
    Kagura-chan, what are you doing?
[05:52] Kagura
    Writing a proposal.
[05:54] Shin
    A proposal?
[05:56] Kagura
    Since this Odd Jobs business
    isn't making any money,
[05:58] Kagura
    I'm going to sell this idea to
    Bandai Namco for a huge profit.
[06:02] Kagura
    Then I can live the rest
    of my life in comfort.
[06:05] Kagura
    All done!
[06:08] Shin
    Huh? What is this?
[06:10] Kagura
    Record of Light and Dark: Fakinaway.
[06:13] Shin
    Wait!
SIGN    Record of Light and Dark: Fakinaway Trading Card Game Proposal
[06:14] Shin
    You're going to continue
    the joke from last week?!
[06:16] Kagura
    This age of chaos begins with what is
[06:20] ---
    later known as the
    Ragnarok Shepherd War.
[06:22] Shin
    Uh, what does that even mean?
[06:24] Shin
    And what's about to begin?!
[06:25] Emperor
    You have done well to
    make it here, my son...
SIGN    Balmung Fezalion
    Also known as the Black Wind.
[06:29] Emperor
    Balmung Fezalion!
SIGN    Captain of the Fakinaway dark knights.
    He is normally a composed person,
SIGN    but when his comrades are in trouble,
    he loses sight of his surroundings and goes berserk.
[06:31] Emperor
    No, I should call you
    the Black Wind now.
SIGN    A minus. His dreaded enemy, the Demon 
    Emperor Runny Diarrhea, is his father.
SIGN    A third eye appears on his forehead 
    when his true powers awaken.
[06:35] Balmung
    Demon Emperor Runny Diarrhea!
SIGN    Later becomes the Brutal 
    Emperor Kaiser Fakinaway.
[06:37] Balmung
    It all ends today!
[06:39] Balmung
    I will avenge my dark knights!
[06:43] Balmung
    Right now!
[06:44] Balmung
    I will put everything I
    have into this strike!
[06:48] Balmung
    Ultimate attack!
[06:49] Shin
    The command still shows up?!
[06:51] Balmung
    Hell Fakinaway!
[06:55] Shin
    Uh, Kagura-chan?
[06:56] Shin
    You can stop.
[06:57] Shin
    How much longer until
    this drivel is over?
[06:59] Kagura
    We're about to get to the good part.
[07:02] Balmung
    What?
[07:05] Emperor
    You never realized that
    the powers of darkness
[07:07] ---
    I granted you could never
    be used to defeat darkness?
[07:11] Emperor
    Though the outcome may
    have been different
[07:13] ---
    if you had powers of light.
[07:17] Issac
    Sorry to keep you waiting.
[07:19] Emperor
    Y-You are...
SIGN    Issac Schneider Also known as the Prince of Light.
[07:21] Emperor
    The Prince of Light...
SIGN    Balmung's younger twin brother.
[07:22] Emperor
    Issac Schneider!
SIGN    While his brother was abandoned at  young age, Issac was able to live in comfort.
SIGN    He realizes his father's  dark intentions,
[07:24] Shin
    The timing on his entrance
    is a little too perfect!
SIGN    and achieves peace with Balmung  after the Ragnarok Shepherd War.
[07:26] Issac
    Balmung, we will talk later.
[07:28] Issac
    Right now, we must
    focus on defeating him.
[07:32] Balmung
    Hmph, don't expect me to thank you.
[07:35] Issac
    Brother...
[07:37] Issac
    Let's do this!
[07:39] Issac
    Hey, hey give me your body,
[07:41] Issac
    no, no, that's all I need.
[07:42] Issac
    Kiss on my lips to shut it up!
[07:44] Issac
    Don't touch me!
[07:46] Balmung
    Hey, hey I don't anything!
[07:48] Issac
    Any more about me,
[07:49] Both
    wow, wow, wow, wow,
[07:51] Both
    wow, wow, wow!
[07:53] Both
    Bad communication!
[07:55] Otae
    Then they form a band,
    which is now known as B'z.
SIGN    The End
[07:58] Shin
    Hold on a second!
[08:00] Shin
    That's how the story ends?!
[08:01] Shin
    They're just going to
    ignore their father?!
[08:03] Kagura
    I had to suppress my
    instincts and think hard
[08:05] ---
    all night to come up with this ending.
[08:07] Shin
    Don't act like you actually put
    any thought into this crap!
[08:13] Shin
    Yes, who is it?
[08:16] Shin
    Tojo-san?
[08:18] Tojo
    D-D-D-
[08:20] Tojo
    Damn it all!
[08:22] Tojo
    That monkey ran away after three days!
[08:26] Tojo
    It's managed to run around the
    city while evading all pursuit!
[08:30] Tojo
    As a result, the Yagyu
    family has been accused
[08:32] Tojo
    of failing to properly train the monkey,
[08:35] Tojo
    and every single member has been
    forced to search for the monkey!
[08:39] Gin
    I knew that would happen.
[08:42] Gin
    The beast isn't going to listen
    to anyone besides Kyubei.
[08:45] Kagura
    Serves them right.
[08:47] Kagura
    That's what happens when you take
    someone's pet away from them.
[08:50] Tojo
    This isn't the time to be gloating!
[08:53] Tojo
    The lady has been
    searching for the monkey
[08:55] ---
    for the past three
    days without any rest!
[08:57] Tojo
    She's so worried that she's
    barely eaten anything!
[09:02] Tojo
    And if we can't find the monkey,
[09:05] ---
    the lady will have to disembowel
    herself as punishment!
[09:10] Shin
    That sounds extreme for one monkey...
[09:13] Tojo
    Yes, this is Tojo...
[09:13] Man
    What are you doing?! Haven't
    you found the monkey?!
[09:16] Tojo
    I-I'm very sorry!
[09:18] Tojo
    Please wait just a little longer!
[09:20] Man
    Do you understand?!
[09:22] Man
    That monkey was a gift from the shogun!
[09:24] Man
    If anything happens, the responsibility
    will lie with the Yagyu!
[09:28] Boy
    Hey, Gramps.
[09:29] Boy
    Did Goku come back yet?
[09:32] Man
    Don't worry, young master.
[09:34] Man
    Goku will be back very soon.
[09:37] Man
    Hey! You hear me, Tojo?!
[09:39] Man
    I'm sure that you know what
    will happen if you fail!
[09:41] Tojo
    Worry not.
[09:43] ---
    I was able to secure
    Shit-Tosser's favorite target.
[09:46] Tojo
    Yes, if we use Shit-Tossed as bait,
[09:49] ---
    Goku will come to throw
    shit at him, yes.
[09:56] Gin
    Hey, when you say Shit-Tossed,
    you're referring to this, right?
[09:58] Gin
    You don't mean me, right?
[09:59] Tojo
    Please!
[10:01] Tojo
    Think of this as a sacrifice
    for the lady's sake!
[10:04] Gin
    Bastard! You're going to use
    me as a shit receptacle?!
SIGN    Toilet
[10:07] Tojo
    That monkey is obsessed
    with throwing shit at you!
[10:11] Tojo
    We can use that obsession
    to draw him out!
[10:16] Tojo
    You're going to just let the lady die?!
[10:20] Gin
    You're going to let me
    be covered in shit?!
[10:22] Kagura
    Does it really matter?
[10:23] Kagura
    It's not like you're losing anything.
[10:24] Gin
    I'm losing something deep inside
    that I can never have back!
[10:27] Kagura
    You were always aloof like
    the gas from a septic tank.
[10:32] Gin
    Normally, you say that a
    person is aloof like a cloud!
[10:34] Gin
    How does that metaphor even work
    with the gas from a septic tank?!
[10:37] Shin
    Gin-san!
[10:38] Shin
    Gin-san! Look!
[10:39] Shin
    The shit's hit the fan!
SIGN    Emergency Bulletin A large number of monkeys have escaped from the zoo!!
[10:41] Shin
    A bunch of monkeys have
    escaped from the zoo!
SIGN    Emergency Bulletin Shocking! A monkey that can open a lock!!
[10:57] N
    We bring you footage from
    the security cameras.
[11:00] N
    Watch as an unidentified animal
    opens the door to the monkey cage.
[11:03] Tojo
    It's him!
[11:05] Tojo
    That monkey has released
    all of those monkeys
[11:08] ---
    into the city to interfere
    with our search.
[11:11] Gin
    That's impossible.
[11:12] Tojo
    How can a mere animal be so clever?!
[11:16] Tojo
    We won't be able to single it
    out from that troop of monkeys!
[11:19] Tojo
    It appears that you are our last hope!
[11:23] Tojo
    The monkey that runs straight
    here to throw shit at you
[11:26] ---
    is the one we want!
[11:27] Gin
    Hey! Hold on!
[11:28] Tojo
    Monkey!
[11:29] Tojo
    Show yourself!
[11:31] Tojo
    I've brought your favorite
    shit receptacle!
[11:34] Tojo
    Now get your ass out here!
[11:35] Tojo
    Unload your shit!
[11:44] Gin
    Hey! What's going on?!
[11:46] Gin
    All of the monkeys are aiming for me!
[11:50] Gin
    What is this?!
[11:51] Gin
    What do they think about me?!
[11:52] Gin
    How do they see me?!
[11:54] Tojo
    Was one of your ancestors
    a crab, or perhaps Frieza?!
[11:57] Kagura
    No, that's not it.
[11:58] Kagura
    Gin-chan is descended from gas
[12:00] ---
    that was expelled from Tripitaka's butt.
[12:02] Gin
    That would be a fart!
[12:03] Gin
    That would mean I was
    descended from a fart!
[12:05] Shin
    What do we do, Tojo-san?!
[12:06] Shin
    We'll be covered in shit before
    we can pick out the correct one!
[12:10] Tojo
    Let's use Odd Jobs' extensive
    network to create a perimeter.
[12:14] Tojo
    Tell them to set up in locations
    around Edo, use bananas as bait,
[12:16] ---
    and call his name!
[12:18] Gin
    We're going to fall back on
    the oldest trick in the book?
[12:20] Tojo
    We can make it work if
    we have the numbers!
[12:23] Katsura
    What?
[12:23] ---
    A monkey that has a
    bell around its neck?
[12:26] Katsura
    And its name is...
[12:27] Gin
    Uh, it's Jugem Jugem Poop-Tossing...
[12:30] Kagura
    You got it wrong.
[12:31] Kagura
    It's Shit-Tossing.
[12:32] Gin
    Oh, what she said.
[12:34] Madao
    Uh, Jugem Jugem Shit-Tossing the
[12:36] ---
    Life of Shin-chan's 
    One-Day-Old Underwear...
[12:39] Madao
    Huh, not one-day-old?
[12:43] Madao
    Wait, which is it?
[12:44] Gin
    When did he get shit on his underwear?
[12:46] Kagura
    Just say it was today.
[12:47] Shin
    I don't have any shit
    on my underwear today!
[12:48] Okita
    Jugem Jugem Shit-Tossing
[12:50] ---
    the Life of Shin-chan's 
    Two-Day-Old Underwear
[12:53] ---
    Balmung Fezalion Issac Slicer...
[12:56] Okita
    Huh? Schneider?
[12:57] Okita
    It's Balmung Schneider?
[12:59] Okita
    No?
[13:00] Okita
    Oh, you mean Issac?
[13:02] Okita
    Huh?
[13:03] Okita
    Right, so when did Shin-chan
    get shit on his underwear?
[13:06] Gin
    Uh, when was it?
[13:08] Kagura
    Just say it was tomorrow.
[13:09] Shin
    How am I getting shit
    on my future underwear?!
[13:11] Tsukiyo
    Jugem Jugem Shit-Tossing the
[13:13] ---
    Life of Shin-chan's 
    Two-Day-Old Underwear
[13:16] ---
    Balmung Fezalion Issac Schneider
[13:18] ---
    2/3 True Love 1/3 Hangnail Anxiety...
[13:23] Tsukiyo
    What?
[13:24] Tsukiyo
    1/3 True Love?
[13:26] Tsukiyo
    What about the other two thirds?
[13:28] Tsukiyo
    Hold on, um...
[13:30] Tsukiyo
    When did the underwear get dirty?
[13:33] Gin
    It's always dirty, I'd say.
[13:34] Shin
    Cut it out!
[13:36] Shin
    Give me the damn phone!
[13:37] Shin
    Now, you've got it wrong.
[13:38] Shin
    It's Squid Dogfish Halibut
    Trout-Cod Dogfish.
[13:41] Shin
    Yes, but This Is a Different Dogfish!
[13:44] Shin
    No! You're missing a pe!
[13:46] Shin
    Pepepepepepepe...
[13:47] Shin
    This will never work!
[13:49] Shin
    Most of the questions are about
    the shit on my underwear!
[13:52] Shin
    How are we supposed to tell
    people this long-ass name?!
[13:55] Shin
    That's why I said we
    should make it shorter!
[13:57] Shin
    What do we do now?!
[13:58] Shin
    We can't draw it out!
[13:59] Tojo
    Yes.
[14:00] Tojo
    What? Is that true?
[14:01] Tojo
    Thank you so much!
[14:03] ---
    I don't know how to thank you.
[14:05] Tojo
    I appreciate the help!
[14:08] Tojo
    Rejoice!
[14:09] Tojo
    Katsura-dono just told me that
    he's captured the monkey!
[14:12] Shin
    Huh?
[14:13] Tojo
    You have such amazing friends!
[14:15] Tojo
    He dispatched someone to
    bring the monkey here.
[14:19] Shin
    Really?!
[14:20] Shin
    I don't see how he was
    able to remember the name.
[14:21] Kagura
    Ah, Elizabeth!
[14:23] Kagura
    Is that it?
SIGN    Balmung Fezalion Also known as the Black Wind.
[14:25] Kagura
    There's a bell on his neck.
[14:27] Shin
    Wait a sec! Isn't that
    Balmung Fezalion?!
[14:30] Shin
    How did they find him?!
[14:32] Shin
    And he's real?!
[14:33] Shin
    Why would a banana work as
    bait for a dark knight?!
[14:36] Kagura
    It's Balmung!
[14:38] Kagura
    Later becomes the Brutal
    Emperor Kaiser Fakinaway!
[14:41] Gin
    Seriously, how did he
    mistake that for a monkey?
[14:44] Gin
    What do we do?
[14:46] Gin
    This is bad.
[14:47] Gin
    Balmung's glaring at us.
[14:49] Gin
    His third eye is glaring at us, too.
[14:51] Kagura
    Oh no!
[14:52] Kagura
    Once his third eye is open,
[14:53] ---
    it will bring another
    Catastrophe of Sephiroth!
[14:55] Gin
    Hey! Somebody apologize to him!
[14:57] Gin
    Go tell him we got the wrong guy
[14:58] Gin
    before he starts the
    Catastrophe of Sephiroth!
[15:00] Balmung
    Hell Fakinaway!
[15:02] Gin
    Oh, shit!
[15:02] Gin
    He's going to use Hell Fakinaway!
[15:04] Gin
    That's bad! Hell Fakinaway is bad!
[15:09] Shin
    You're also gonna throw shit?!
[15:11] Shin
    Balmung is throwing shit at us!
[15:14] Shin
    Balmung is throwing a
    shitload of shit at us!
[15:16] Gin
    That wasn't Hell Fakinaway!
[15:18] Gin
    He's no different from those monkeys!
[15:20] Issac
    Wait!
SIGN    Issac Schneider
    Also known as the Prince of Light.
[15:22] Issac
    Enough of this.
[15:24] Shin
    Th-That's...!
[15:25] Shin
    Issac Schneider!
[15:27] Shin
    Hasegawa-san brought
    us the Prince of Light
[15:29] ---
    who was able to turn Balmung
    back to the side of light!
[15:31] Madao
    Everything's okay.
[15:33] Shin
    Whew, they're going to
    talk things through.
[15:36] Shin
    Now we can relax...
[15:37] Both
    Here's our...
[15:39] Both
    Bad Communication!
[15:40] Shin
    What kind of shit are
    you trying to pull?!
[15:43] Gin
    Issac is just a monkey!
[15:45] Shin
    And why is Hasegawa-san throwing shit?!
[15:48] Shin
    What kind of Bad Communication is this?!
[15:52] Kagura
    Gin-chan!
[15:54] Kagura
    We've been surrounded
    by so many monkeys!
[16:00] Gin
    Hey! Somebody do something!
[16:08] Shin
    Th-This is...?
[16:10] Kyubei
    Tojo, everyone...
[16:12] Kyubei
    Thank you for serving as decoys.
[16:15] Kyubei
    We were able to capture
    all of the monkeys.
[16:18] Shin
    Kyubei-san!
[16:19] Gin
    Monkeys, huh?
[16:20] Gin
    There were three idiots mixed in there.
[16:23] Kid
    Wow! So many!
[16:25] Kid
    So many monkeys!
[16:26] Man
    Hmph, took you long enough.
[16:29] Man
    Is the young master's monkey in there?
[16:31] Kyubei
    Yes, most likely.
[16:33] Man
    But we won't be able to
    identify which one is his.
[16:36] Man
    What do we do?
[16:37] Kyubei
    Look for a bell.
[16:38] ---
    He should be the only one that's wearing a bell.
[16:44] Man
    Curses!
[16:45] Man
    Clever little rascal.
[16:47] Man
    Goku, you don't want to be my pet?
[16:51] Man
    You don't like me?
[16:55] Kagura
    That's not the problem.
[17:00] Kagura
    It's just that there's
    someone who he doesn't want
[17:02] ---
    to be separated from, who
    he loves more than you.
[17:05] Shin
    Kagura-chan!
[17:06] Man
    Little girl!
[17:07] ---
    How dare you insult Lord Mori Mori?!
[17:10] Man
    Let me educate you!
[17:12] Man
    This is the nephew of the Shogun, Lord Shige Shige...
[17:15] Kid
    Shut up, Gramps!
[17:16] Man
    Y-Yes...
[17:19] Kid
    Is that true, Yagyu guy?
[17:21] Kyubei
    Huh?
[17:22] Kyubei
    Uh, well...
[17:25] Kid
    That means I took Goku away
    from someone he cares about.
[17:31] Kid
    No wonder he ran away.
[17:35] Kid
    Sorry, Goku.
[17:37] Kid
    I'm always stuck inside the castle,
[17:39] ---
    so I never had any friends to play with.
[17:42] Kid
    So when I saw Soyo-chan's monkey,
[17:44] ---
    I got really jealous.
[17:48] Kid
    I just wanted to be your friend.
[17:52] Kid
    But I ended up taking you
    away from your friend.
[17:56] Kid
    I'm sorry.
[18:01] Kyubei
    Lord Mori Mori, please stop crying.
[18:05] Kyubei
    He doesn't hate you,
[18:08] ---
    and he isn't unwilling
    to be your friend.
[18:13] Kyubei
    That's not the problem.
[18:16] Kyubei
    But his name...
[18:18] Kyubei
    He has a wonderful name
    that carries the hopes and
[18:22] ---
    dreams that were given
    to him by his friends.
[18:25] Kyubei
    Will you call his name with me?
[18:28] Kyubei
    Ready and...
[18:30] Kyubei
    Jugem Jugem Shit-Tossing the
[18:32] ---
    Life of Shin-chan's 
    Two-Day-Old Underwear
[18:35] ---
    Balmung Fezalion Issac Schneider
[18:37] ---
    1/3 True Love 2/3 Hangnail Anxiety
[18:41] ---
    Betrayal Knows My Name Or Does It Really
[18:45] ---
    Ignore Calls Squid Dogfish 
    Halibut Trout-Cod Dogfish...
[18:48] ---
    This Is a Different Dogfish,
[18:50] ---
    I'm Talking About The Dogfish Shark
[18:51] ---
    Kaluga Angler Ray
[18:52] ---
    Yuuteimiyaoukimukou 
    Pepepepepepepepepepepepe
[18:55] ---
    Runny Diarrhea.
[18:57] Shin
    Yeah, he can't say that.
[18:58] Shin
    He can't say that.
[18:59] Shin
    Lord Mori Mori can't say that.
[19:10] Kid
    Diarrhea...
[19:13] Kid
    Jugem Genome Barbossa Fanta
    Pipipipipipipi Barf Diarrhea!
[19:17] Shin
    He made up a name!
[19:18] Shin
    Lord Mori Mori couldn't remember
    the name so he made one up!
[19:20] Kid
    I'm sorry!
[19:22] Kid
    I'm sorry about what I did!
[19:23] Kid
    I'm sorry about getting your name wrong!
[19:33] Kid
    Here you go, Yagyu guy.
[19:36] Man
    Lord Mori Mori?!
[19:38] Kid
    It's okay.
[19:39] Kid
    I don't want to see my friends look sad,
[19:43] Kid
    whether it's Barf Diarrhea
[19:45] Kid
    or the Yagyu guy.
[19:47] Kid
    Besides, I can't remember
    such a long name yet.
[19:58] Kid
    In return...
[20:00] Kid
    Uh, Yagyu guy...  I have a favor to ask.
[20:04] Kyubei
    What is it?
[20:06] Kid
    Uh, could you let me add to his name?
[20:14] Kyubei
    Jugem Jugem Shit-Tossing the
[20:17] ---
    Life of Shin-chan's
    Two-Day-Old Underwear
[20:20] ---
    Balmung Fezalion Issac Schneider
[20:23] ---
    1/3 True Love 2/3 Hangnail Anxiety
[20:28] ---
    Betrayal Knows My Name Or Does It Really
[20:32] ---
    Ignore Calls Squid Dogfish
    Halibut Trout-Cod Dogfish...
[20:35] ---
    This Is a Different Dogfish,
[20:37] ---
    I'm Talking About The Dogfish Shark
[20:39] ---
    Kaluga Angler Ray
[20:39] ---
    Yuuteimiyaoukimukou
    Pepepepepepepepepepepepe
[20:44] ---
    All's Well That Ends
    Well Runny Diarrhea.
SIGN    The End
SIGN    Ask Mr. Ginpachi
[22:26] Gin
    Ask Mr. Ginpachi...
[22:29] All
    ...is back!
[22:31] Gin
    Okay, we have a little time
    leftover so I'll read a postcard.
[22:35] Gin
    From someone with the pen name
    "Okita-kun Love Pudding."
[22:39] Gin
    I have a question.
[22:40] Gin
    Couldn't you write out
    Odd Jobs with two kanji?
[22:44] Gin
    Why do you use three?
[22:48] Gin
    Please tell me why.
[22:49] Gin
    Okay, here's your answer.
[22:52] Gin
    Originally, it was just two kanji,
[22:55] Gin
    but people might mistake us for some
[22:57] ---
    kind of general store
    that sells everything.
[23:00] Gin
    We're supposed to be a bunch of people
[23:02] ---
    who are willing to do everything.
[23:03] Gin
    So we added the extra
    kanji to differentiate.
[23:08] Gin
    Well, the result is that
[23:09] ---
    our various guests keep reading
    it wrong in the script.
[23:14] Gin
    I should mention that a lot of
    people also read Amanto wrong.
SIGN    Next Episode
[23:20] Katsura
    The maid was watching
[23:22] Katsura
    when the man who is feared
    as the Destroyer of Edo
[23:24] ---
    revealed his true nature.
[23:25] Katsura
    A shocking truth about the father...
[23:29] Matsu
    Next time:
SIGN    The Man's Household Situation  is Hard, His Heart is Soft
[23:29] Matsu
    The man's household situation
    is hard, his heart is soft.
[23:33] ---
    

E223 - "The man's household situation is hard, his heart is soft."
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:01] Matsu
    Nakasaki, I heard you just had a kid.
[00:04] Nakazaki
    Uh, where did you hear that?
[00:06] Matsu
    Is it male or female?
[00:08] Nakazaki
    It's a girl.
[00:09] Matsu
    Maybe I should take her.
[00:11] Nakazaki
    P-Please don't...
[00:13] Matsu
    Girls become independent
    earlier than boys.
[00:16] Matsu
    It won't be long before she
    stops listening to you.
[00:20] Nakazaki
    Th-That won't happen with Fuko!
[00:22] Nakazaki
    I will raise her to be the
    biggest father lover in Japan!
[00:25] Matsu
    Yeah, that's the spirit.
[00:27] Nakazaki
    Th-This is...
[00:28] Nakazaki
    I-I can't accept this much money!
[00:30] Matsu
    It's not for you.
[00:33] Matsu
    I only spend money on fine women.
[00:35] Matsu
    Let her drink the finest
    milk you can find.
[00:40] Nakazaki
    Th-Thank you very much!
SIGN    The Man's Household Situation  is Hard, His Heart is Soft
[02:18] Kuriko
    How many times have I told you?!
[02:21] Kuriko
    Wash my underwear
    separately from Father's!
[02:25] Zura
    Forgive me, ma'am.
[02:27] Kuriko
    I'm going to wash them again myself!
[02:30] Kuriko
    Geez!
[02:34] Zura
    Oh, sir.
[02:36] Zura
    I'm terribly sorry.
[02:38] Zura
    I'll wash that again at once.
[02:39] Matsu
    Hm? Are you the new maid?
[02:42] Matsu
    What's your name?
SIGN    Ichihara
[02:44] Matsu
    Ichihara?
[02:45] Matsu
    What's your first name?
[02:46] Matsu
    Hayato? Etsuko?
[02:48] Zura
    It's not Etsuko, it's Ezurako.
[02:51] Matsu
    Your face looks familiar...
[02:53] Zura
    It's not Zura, it's Ezurako.
[02:56] Matsu
    Forget it.
[02:57] Matsu
    Be careful from now on.
[02:58] Matsu
    Do my laundry separate from Kuriko's.
[03:01] Matsu
    And make sure we don't
    eat at the same time.
[03:03] Zura
    It's not Zura, it's Ezurako.
[03:05] Matsu
    Yeah, just listen to
    my daughter. Got it,
[03:08] Matsu
    Ezurako?
[03:10] Zura
    It's not Ezurako, it's Katsura.
[03:11] Matsu
    What?
[03:14] Zura
    Oh, I made a mistake. It's Ezurako.
[03:16] Matsu
    Whatever. Just go.
[03:18] Matsu
    Oof.
[03:22] Zura
    The police commissioner,
    Katakuriko Matsudaira.
[03:25] Zura
    The man who is known as the Destroyer
[03:28] ---
    to those who wish to
    disrupt the order of Edo.
[03:31] Zura
    The greatest foe of the Joi patriots.
[03:34] Zura
    In an attempt to uncover a scandal,
[03:36] Zura
    I've been working undercover
    at his home for a week.
[03:38] Zura
    My focus has shifted away from my
    inability to learn anything useful
[03:44] Zura
    to this peculiar loneliness I see.
[03:46] Zura
    Is this what it means to be a father?
[03:49] Zura
    If so, what is a father? What is a man?
[03:52] Zura
    Who does he fight for? Who
    is he trying to protect?
[04:04] Kuriko
    Um...
[04:05] Kuriko
    What are you doing, Ezurako-san?
[04:09] Zura
    I'm terribly sorry.
[04:12] Zura
    After working as a maid for so long,
[04:14] ---
    I've picked up this
    habit of eavesdropping.
[04:16] Kuriko
    You also picked up the door.
[04:19] Zura
    Please let me know if
    I'm being a bother.
[04:21] Zura
    I also have a graffiti version
    and a mental AT Field version.
[04:26] Kuriko
    Please get rid of it.
[04:27] Kuriko
    You're making too much noise.
[04:30] Kuriko
    Um...
[04:31] Kuriko
    Sorry about yelling at you earlier.
[04:36] Zura
    It's okay. I didn't mind.
[04:38] Kuriko
    I said to get rid of that.
[04:39] Kuriko
    Did you think you could fool me?
[04:41] Kuriko
    Um, to make up for earlier,
[04:44] Kuriko
    some of my friends booked
[04:47] ---
    Greater Edo Hills tomorrow
    for my birthday party.
[04:51] Kuriko
    Would you like to come?
[04:54] Zura
    Thank you very much.
[04:56] Zura
    Oh, will your father also be coming?
[04:58] Kuriko
    I would never invite him!
[05:00] Kuriko
    Besides, he wouldn't come if I did.
[05:05] Kuriko
    His birthday is very soon.
[05:07] Kuriko
    I'm sure he'll celebrate it
[05:10] ---
    at the usual place with all those women.
[05:13] Kuriko
    It's always the same.
[05:15] Kuriko
    He uses his work as an excuse
    to avoid facing his family.
[05:21] Kuriko
    I refuse to call that coward my father.
[05:28] Katsura
    I wonder why...
[05:29] Katsura
    I am starting to feel concern
    for my greatest foe.
[05:33] Katsura
    Is it because Matsudaira's daughter
    was a nicer girl than I expected?
[05:40] Katsura
    Or because I didn't want
    to think that I've been
[05:43] Katsura
    crossing swords with a man who
    can't control his own family.
[05:47] Katsura
    Sir?
[05:49] Katsura
    Miss Kuriko's birthday
    party is tomorrow.
[05:52] Katsura
    You shouldn't be sleeping out here.
[05:53] Matsu
    Man, I'm gonna hurl...
[05:56] Katsura
    Miss Kuriko wanted you to come.
[05:59] Matsu
    You're going to Kuriko's
    birthday party, right?
[06:04] Matsu
    Give that to her.
[06:06] Matsu
    It'll make her happier that way.
[06:10] Katsura
    Are you trying to teach her how men
[06:13] ---
    are foolish, weak, and underhanded?
[06:18] Katsura
    Is that your duty as a father?
[06:20] Nakazaki
    Ezurako-san, that's enough!
[06:23] Nakazaki
    And why are you walking
    around with that board?!
[06:25] Matsu
    It's fine, Nakasaki.
[06:29] Matsu
    I like a maid who's willing
    to speak her mind.
[06:32] Matsu
    But I'm not much of a father.
[06:36] Matsu
    Young people think
    that men grow wiser as
[06:39] ---
    they get older, but it's not true.
[06:43] Matsu
    I'm just as stupid as I always was.
[06:45] Matsu
    Still the same old shy kid who
    can't bring myself to look
[06:51] Matsu
    my precious daughter in the face,
    or even talk to her.
[06:56] Matsu
    I'll leave this with you.
[06:59] Zura
    I was becoming more confused.
[07:01] Zura
    The man spoke openly
    of his own foolishness.
[07:05] Zura
    Was he a big shot, or just an idiot?
[07:08] Matsu
    F-Forgive me, dear!
[07:08] Zura
    Crafty or innocent?
[07:11] Zura
    And I was most confused
    by my own behavior.
[07:18] A
    Um, excuse me.
[07:20] A
    You're supposed to be dressed
    formally for this affair.
[07:22] Zura
    And that is what I did.
[07:25] A
    Um, only the left side
    is dressed formally.
[07:28] A
    And that's just a drawing.
[07:31] Zura
    Ah, you have a problem
    with me wearing a tuxedo?
[07:33] Zura
    Don't worry. I also brought a dress.
[07:36] A
    Um...
[07:37] A
    We're not supposed to let
    anyone suspicious in.
[07:40] Zura
    What about me would be
    considered suspicious?!
[07:42] A
    Everything.
[07:43] Zura
    How dare you insult me?!
[07:46] Zura
    Are celebrities so special?!
[07:49] Zura
    Your birthday party's probably
    nothing more than an gy!
[07:52] A**
    How can you say such a hateful thing?!
[07:54] Zura
    A sinful gathering where you wear masks
[07:58] Zura
    and put things on your sticks,
    and shove them into...
[08:02] A
    That's just a cheese fondue!
[08:04] Zura
    Don't say that so loudly here.
[08:07] Zura
    Have you no shame?!
[08:09] A
    You're the one who's
    having naughty thoughts
[08:11] ---
    about a cheese fondue!
[08:12] Nakazaki
    Oh, sorry.
[08:15] Nakazaki
    She's with me.
[08:17] Katsura
    Ah, Nakasaki-san.
[08:19] Nakazaki
    I'm here in place of the commissioner.
[08:21] Zura
    I see...
[08:23] Zura
    So he isn't coming.
[08:24] Kuriko
    Ah! Ezurako-san! Nakasaki-san!
[08:27] Kuriko
    You came to the party!
[08:29] Kuriko
    I'm so happy!
[08:31] Kuriko
    Now come inside!
[08:41] Nakazaki
    What is this?!
[08:42] Nakazaki
    What's happening?!
[08:44] Nakazaki
    Did the system malfunction?!
[08:46] Zura
    No...
[08:53] Zura
    It's a terrorist attack.
SIGN    Incoming Call from Kuriko
[08:56] Matsu
    Hello?
[08:58] Leader
    Is this Katakuriko Matsudaira?
[09:00] Leader
    Your daughter's life is in our hands.
[09:03] Leader
    The Blues Crew has taken
    control of Greater Edo Hills.
[09:08] Leader
    If you value your daughter's life,
[09:10] ---
    you'll listen to our demands.
[09:14] Leader
    Hey, can you hear me?
[09:16] A
    Is somebody in there?
[09:18] A
    That's weird. It sure stinks.
[09:27] Matsu
    Can't you let a man
    take a dump in peace?
[09:34] Nakazaki
    What?
[09:35] Zura
    That's...
[09:39] Nakazaki
    Th-The commissioner!
[09:42] Zura
    So he did come.
[09:44] Nakazaki
    What are you doing up there?!
[09:49] Matsu
    I appreciate it, Ezurako.
[09:51] Matsu
    Thanks to you, I won't be late.
[09:55] Nakazaki
    Wh-Where are you going, Commissioner?!
[09:59] Zura
    That was no longer the frail back
[10:01] ---
    of an old man washing underwear.
[10:03] Zura
    That was the stalwart back
    of the Destroyer we feared.
[10:12] Yamazaki
    The hostages include the children of
[10:14] ---
    various Bakufu officials
    along with Kuriko-chan.
[10:17] Yamazaki
    The Blues Crew must have learned about
[10:20] ---
    this party and planned the attack.
[10:23] Hijikata
    I remember that some of
    their members were arrested
[10:27] Hijikata
    for plotting to assassinate the boss.
[10:29] Yamazaki
    They're demanding that
    those members be released.
[10:31] Yamazaki
    And they also want the boss's head.
[10:34] Yamazaki
    If we don't agree to their demands,
[10:36] Yamazaki
    they'll start killing a
    hostage every thirty minutes.
[10:39] Hijikata
    I'll go negotiate and
    try to buy us some time.
[10:43] Hijikata
    You guys need to find a way inside.
[10:45] All
    Yes, sir!
[10:47] Hijikata
    And Yamazaki,
[10:48] Hijikata
    did you get a hold of the boss?
[10:50] Yamazaki
    His phone's been busy the whole time.
[10:53] Hijikata
    Damn that old fart.
[10:55] Hijikata
    What's he doing?
[10:57] Matsu
    Hello? Ane-chan?
[11:00] Matsu
    Sorry.
[11:01] Matsu
    I won't be able to join you tonight.
[11:03] Matsu
    Right now? I'm in a duct.
[11:05] Matsu
    No, I didn't change careers.
[11:09] Matsu
    I'm devoted to you, Ane-chan.
[11:14] Matsu
    Oh, sorry. I got another call.
[11:16] Matsu
    My men are so annoying.
[11:19] Matsu
    Buh-bye.
[11:21] Nakazaki
    Ah, he finally answered the phone!
[11:22] Nakazaki
    Are you okay, Commissioner?!
[11:23] Matsu
    How many times did you
    call me, you fool?!
[11:26] Matsu
    Don't call my phone when
    I'm in terrorist territory.
[11:30] Matsu
    You're terrorizing my
    conversation with Ane-chan!
[11:33] Nakazaki
    You have no right to talk when you're
[11:35] Nakazaki
    calling female escorts while
    sneaking up on terrorists!
[11:37] Matsu
    I was just settling matters
    so the women left behind
[11:40] ---
    in this cruel world don't grieve.
[11:42] Matsu
    When a man dies, everyone
    should be wearing pure white.
[11:45] Matsu
    I have fifty more girls
    to call, so hold on.
[11:48] Nakazaki
    It's too late to clean up your act!
[11:50] Nakazaki
    Your soul is completely black!
[11:51] Nakazaki
    Anyway, Hijikata-san and the other men
    will be entering the building soon.
[11:54] Nakazaki
    Don't do anything hasty.
[11:56] Zura
    No, we can't wait for them.
[11:59] Nakazaki
    Ezurako-san?
[12:00] Zura
    They've taken over the security system.
[12:02] Zura
    It won't be easy to
    approach the building.
[12:04] Nakazaki
    Huh? Then we shouldn't be here.
[12:07] Zura
    I put something in this
    car to jam their radar.
[12:13] Zura
    And I did the same thing
    to Matsudaira's present.
[12:18] Nakazaki
    You're...
[12:20] Zura
    I happen to be acquainted
    with Edo's top tinkerer.
[12:24] Zura
    In three hours, they'll
    begin executing hostages.
[12:26] Matsu
    In other words, I need to end
    their lives before they end mine.
[12:33] Zura
    Exactly.
[12:35] Nakazaki
    Ezurako-san!
[12:36] Zura
    But you won't be able to do it
[12:38] ---
    by recklessly wandering around alone.
[12:40] Zura
    I'll assist you.
[12:45] Matsu
    I knew something was fishy.
[12:47] Matsu
    You're no ordinary maid.
[12:50] Zura
    I'm just an ordinary maid
[12:52] Zura
    who enjoys eavesdropping.
[12:55] Leader
    How are negotiations going?
[12:57] A
    It'll take a day to secure
    the release of our brethren.
[13:01] Leader
    They're obviously trying to buy time.
[13:03] Leader
    Tell them this.
[13:04] Leader
    We aren't giving them any more time.
[13:06] A
    Yes, sir.
[13:07] Leader
    And one more thing.
[13:10] Leader
    Tell them that Matsudaira's
    life is already ours,
[13:14] Leader
    though, technically, we still have to go
[13:15] ---
    through the formality
    of taking it from him.
[13:17] Leader
    I didn't expect him to sneak in
    by himself to save his daughter.
[13:22] Kuriko
    H-He won't come!
[13:25] Kuriko
    He would never try to save me...
[13:28] Leader
    Don't make a fuss. You'll
    be seeing him real soon.
[13:31] Leader
    We'll have him tied
    up with a red ribbon.
[13:36] Zura
    Listen up. They're holed up in the
[13:39] ---
    main control room on the top floor.
[13:41] Zura
    You're on the 9th floor.
[13:43] Zura
    Every floor from the 10th
    up is packed with guards.
[13:46] Matsu
    I see. So this marker
    on the 9th floor is me.
[13:49] Matsu
    Wait a moment!
[13:50] Matsu
    Why did you use this symbol for me?!
[13:52] Zura
    Don't get the wrong idea.
[13:53] Zura
    That's the tip of an ice cream cone.
[13:56] Zura
    And the three markers on
    the 10th floor are enemies.
[13:59] Matsu
    Why do they get cones when I don't?
[14:02] Zura
    Otherwise, you wouldn't be
    able to tell friend from foe.
[14:04] Matsu
    Give me a cone!
[14:06] Matsu
    I love to suck the last bit of ice
    cream out of the end of a cone.
[14:09] Katsura
    Fine, I'll put corn in your poop.
[14:12] Matsu
    I said cone, not corn!
[14:14] Matsu
    And you said poop. You just
    admitted that it's poop.
[14:16] Nakazaki
    Uh, does it really matter?!
[14:18] Zura
    In any case, you need to avoid those
[14:20] Zura
    ice cream cones as you make
    your way to the 50th floor.
[14:23] Zura
    Look carefully.
[14:25] Zura
    The tip of the ice cream is
    tipping left and right, yes?
[14:29] Zura
    The tip indicates the
    direction they're facing.
[14:31] Zura
    When the three tips are tipping
    in the same direction,
[14:35] Zura
    you should tip past them.
[14:37] Nakazaki
    That's too complicated!
[14:38] Nakazaki
    Why do you have to use
    the word tip so much?!
[14:43] Nakazaki
    Ah, hold on...
[14:44] Nakazaki
    There's an ice cream cone coming down!
[14:47] Zura
    What?! It's tipping like crazy!
[14:49] Zura
    Is it in a hurry?
[14:51] Nakazaki
    10th floor... He didn't get off!
[14:53] Nakazaki
    Has he noticed that the
    commissioner's on the 9th floor?
[14:56] Zura
    Hide quick!
[14:58] Nakazaki
    Oh, no!
[14:59] Nakazaki
    Huh?!
[14:59] Nakazaki
    W-Wait!
[15:00] Nakazaki
    The ice cream cone split in two!
[15:03] Zura
    What's going on up there?
[15:05] Matsu
    A guy ran off somewhere.
[15:07] Nakazaki
    But the ice cream's
    still in the elevator!
[15:11] Nakazaki
    He just pooped his pants!
[15:13] Zura
    Apparently, both people and poop
[15:16] ---
    are registered under
    the ice cream marker.
[15:18] Nakazaki
    Why is poop even registered
    on your scanner?!
[15:20] Matsu
    And why am I not registered as a human?!
[15:24] Zura
    He took the elevator
    down to find a bathroom,
[15:27] Zura
    but he couldn't hold it
    in and had to sparking!
[15:30] Zura
    Look.
[15:31] Zura
    The cone is becoming wet.
[15:34] Zura
    Is he wiping his ass?
[15:36] Matsu
    No, he's probably crying.
[15:38] Zura
    Wait, I thought that there were
    only enemies above you, but...
[15:42] Nakazaki
    It's mostly poop up there!
[15:44] Zura
    I can no longer tell which
    are human and which are poop.
[15:48] Matsu
    When I blew up that bathroom,
    I probably burst the water main.
[15:52] Matsu
    They can no longer take
    care of their business.
[15:55] Nakazaki
    Still, this is too many!
[15:57] Zura
    However, we can use this
    situation to our advantage.
[16:00] Zura
    Look!
[16:02] Nakazaki
    Th-This is...
[16:03] Zura
    They're all running down in
    search of clean restrooms!
[16:07] Nakazaki
    They really need to take a shit!
[16:09] Zura
    They're using the stairs.
[16:11] Zura
    This is your chance to
    take the elevator up!
[16:14] Nakazaki
    Hold on!
[16:15] Nakazaki
    The wet cone is racing to the
    elevator at a crazy speed!
[16:19] Nakazaki
    Did he notice the commissioner?
[16:21] Zura
    No, now that he's calmed down,
[16:24] Zura
    he's returning for his underwear
    so he can destroy the evidence.
[16:27] Zura
    Hurry, Matsudaira!
[16:30] Zura
    He made it in time.
[16:31] Zura
    Th-That's...!
[16:33] Zura
    He's hanging on to the
    bottom of the elevator!
[16:35] Zura
    He is dedicated to his underwear!
[16:38] Zura
    He really doesn't want
    anyone to find out!
[16:40] Nakazaki
    Commissioner! The cone is below you!
[16:43] Nakazaki
    And which one is the commissioner?!
[16:45] Zura
    Ah! The cone is using the pointy
    edge to try to break through!
[16:50] Nakazaki
    Uh, what pointy edge?
[16:52] Nakazaki
    That's just a marker!
[16:54] Zura
    What?!
[16:55] Zura
    He penetrated the poop!
[16:56] Nakazaki
    Wait, is that the commissioner?!
[16:58] Nakazaki
    Or is it the poop?!
[16:59] Nakazaki
    Which is it?!
[17:00] Zura
    He's trying to drag Matsudaira off!
[17:05] Zura
    Oh! Saved at the last second!
[17:08] Nakazaki
    How?!
[17:09] Nakazaki
    How can poop save him?!
[17:11] Zura
    Is that actually Matsudaira?
[17:14] Zura
    Ah! The cone con finally
    cornered himself and fell!
[17:18] Nakazaki
    Why was he trying so hard to protect
    a pair of dirty underwear?!
[17:21] Zura
    This is bad.
[17:22] Zura
    The Ice Cream Gang has noticed
    that something is wrong!
[17:24] Zura
    When he makes it to the
    top, he'll be gunned down!
[17:28] Nakazaki
    They split up! What the hell?!
[17:31] Nakazaki
    How the hell are two turds
    moving around independently?!
[17:35] Zura
    It's going to draw their attention
[17:37] ---
    so Matsudaira can make it to the top!
[17:39] Nakazaki
    It's just a pair of
    underwear with poop on it!
[17:41] Nakazaki
    How did it turn into the
    commissioner's partner?!
[17:44] Nakazaki
    Look!
[17:44] Nakazaki
    The Ice Cream Gang is ignoring the
[17:46] ---
    underwear and gathering
    on the 50th floor!
[17:47] Nakazaki
    No shit, Sherlock!
[17:48] Nakazaki
    He's completely trapped!
[18:00] Hijikata
    What?!
[18:03] Zura
    The ice cream cones are disappearing.
[18:06] Nakazaki
    This poop was actually the diversion...?
[18:18] Matsu
    Happy birthday to you.
[18:27] Nakazaki
    He really took out all of
    the terrorists by himself...
[18:31] Zura
    No, there's one cone left.
[18:38] Matsu
    Sorry about that.
[18:40] Matsu
    Your precious underwear
    and squad are all gone.
[18:45] Leader
    No, I should thank you.
[18:48] Leader
    No one will know now.
[18:53] Leader
    You're placing your duty as a
    cop over your duty as a father?!
[18:57] Matsu
    Well, you can't call yourself a father
[19:00] Matsu
    if you don't mind your daughter
    being used as a shield.
[19:04] Matsu
    But you can't even call
    yourself a man if you let
[19:07] Matsu
    someone who hurt your daughter
    walk away unscathed.
[19:10] Matsu
    A father's duty isn't much to speak of.
[19:13] Matsu
    Kids are raised fine by their mothers.
[19:17] Matsu
    As long as I'm bringing in
    money, I have no other use.
[19:23] Matsu
    All that's left is to praise her
    when she does something good,
[19:27] Matsu
    and scold her when she
    does something bad.
[19:31] Matsu
    That's about it.
[19:34] Matsu
    This fist represents my duty
    as a police commissioner
[19:38] Matsu
    and a lousy Edo dad.
[19:44] Leader
    That's...!
[19:46] Leader
    My...
[19:47] Leader
    My underwear is still around!
[19:50] Matsu
    The decoy was my own underwear.
[19:54] Matsu
    I have one thing to say
    to you as a father.
[20:00] Matsu
    Wash your own
[20:06] Matsu
    shitty underwear!
[20:15] Zura
    What a waste.
[20:17] Zura
    This was your chance to
    score some points with her.
[20:20] Zura
    She won't remember a thing.
[20:22] Matsu
    I'm fine with playing
    the role of a lousy dad
[20:26] Matsu
    since it's easy.
[20:28] Zura
    Open the box.
[20:30] Zura
    It's not your present.
[20:32] Zura
    I found it when I was cleaning
    your daughter's room.
[20:38] Zura
    She was probably going to give
    it to you if you showed up.
SIGN    Happy Birthday Father
[20:43] Zura
    Don't worry.
[20:45] Zura
    I left your present in its place.
[20:48] Matsu
    How is that supposed
    to make me feel better?
[20:50] Matsu
    A maid who goes into my daughter's
    room without permission
[20:54] ---
    gets fired on the spot.
[20:56] Matsu
    Nakasaki!
[20:57] Nakazaki
    Yes, sir!
[20:58] Matsu
    Dump this rotten maid in a ditch.
[21:01] Nakazaki
    Understood.
[21:02] Nakazaki
    I'll dump the maid in a ditch
    where the police won't notice.
[21:05] Matsu
    Stop yapping and leave!
[21:07] Nakazaki
    Yes, sir!
[21:08] Matsu
    The next time we meet, you'll
    meet more than my fist, Katsura.
[21:14] Zura
    I wouldn't have it any other way.
[21:17] Zura
    The police commissioner,
    Katakuriko Matsudaira.
SIGN    Matsudaira
[21:20] Zura
    The greatest foe of the Joi patriots.
[21:25] Maid
    Stop that, sir!
[21:27] Zura
    It doesn't matter if he doesn't
    feel welcome in his own home.
[21:28] Maid
    I can do the laundry!
[21:29] Zura
    The world is his home.
[21:30] Matsu
    Forget it. I'll do this.
[21:32] Zura
    And so he goes off to work again.
[21:33] Maid
    Oh, Miss Kuriko.
[21:36] Maid
    That's a lovely hairpin.
[21:39] Zura
    However, I have seen on display
[21:42] Zura
    the bond between father and daughter
    as they stand back to back.
[21:48] Zura
    As well as the dignity of
    a so-called lousy father.
[21:52] Zura
    Katakuriko Matsudaira.
[21:55] Zura
    You make a fitting opponent.
SIGN    Next Episode: Blue and Red Ecstasy
[23:30] Gin
    Next time:
[23:31] Gin
    Blue and Red Ecstasy.

E224 - "Blue and Red Ecstasy"
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:33] Shin
    Uh, Gin-san? What was that about?
[01:36] Shin
    How could you screw up the
    end of the opening sequence?
[01:38] Gin
    Don't blame me.
[01:39] Gin
    There's bound to be a mishap when
[01:41] ---
    you do the same thing 23 times in a row.
[01:43] Kagura
    I thought the opening
    was reused every time.
[01:46] Shin
    You weren't supposed to say that.
[01:48] Gin
    I'm too embarrassed to show my face.
[01:50] Gin
    How am I supposed to do this next week?
[01:54] Shin
    I feel the same way.
[01:54] Kagura
    Me too.
[01:55] Gin
    Say, since this is so embarrassing,
[01:57] Gin
    can we cut to commercial?
SIGN    Recycling Shop Earth Defense Force
[02:00] A
    What's this?
[02:02] Gin
    Isn't that obvious?
SIGN    Doraemon
[02:03] Gin
    A VHS player.
[02:04] Gin
    Buy it off me.
[02:05] A
    There's a tape stuck inside.
[02:08] Gin
    It comes with a video tape.
[02:11] A
    Nobody buys or sells 
    VHS players these days.
[02:16] Gin
    Man, don't you get it?
[02:18] Gin
    It says Doraemon on the
    tape, but it's not Doraemon.
[02:22] Gin
    There's no flying or
    four-dimensional pocket.
[02:26] Gin
    Just a nasty pocket with a whacked Gian.
[02:30] A
    Your head is whacked.
[02:32] Gin
    Anyway, I can't leave this
    sitting around at home.
[02:35] Gin
    I mean, Gian is sticking out.
[02:37] Gin
    I'll just recycle this.
[02:39] Gin
    If you don't want to buy it, I'm
    willing to trade it in for something else.
[02:42] Gin
    Like a DVD.
[02:44] A
    If you want to play straw
    millionaire, go somewhere else.
[02:47] A
    Oh, I do have a Blu-ray player.
[02:50] Gin
    Huh? What did you just say?
[02:53] A
    I'm saying that I have a Blu-ray
    player that I'll trade for that.
[02:57] Gin
    R-Really?!
[02:59] Gin
    Blu-rays are better than DVDs, right?
[03:01] Gin
    You can see the pores
    in Shizuka-chan's skin!
[03:04] A
    You can see Shizuka-chan like
    you've never seen her before.
[03:08] Gin
    Really?! Are you sure about this?!
[03:10] A
    Yes, I am.
[03:12] A
    But...
[03:14] A
    There's a Gian recital
    going on here, too.
SIGN    Blue and Red Ecstasy
[03:25] Shin
    What's that, Gin-san?
[03:27] Gin
    B-Blu-ray...
[03:31] Shin
    Blu-ray?
[03:32] Shin
    Why do we have such an
    expensive machine here?
[03:35] Gin
    I straw millionaire'd myself a
[03:37] ---
    broken Blu-ray player out
    of a broken VHS player.
[03:39] Shin
    Uh, so you traded trash for trash?
[03:43] Gin
    But it's like a tissue used
    to wipe this dumb girl's nose
[03:46] Gin
    versus a tissue used to
    wipe Otsuu-chan's lipstick!
[03:49] Shin
    The latter wouldn't be a tissue anymore.
[03:51] Shin
    It would be a holy shroud.
[03:52] Kagura
    Hey, how about I stuff my
    shroud down your throat?
[03:56] Shin
    But this thing is useless.
[04:00] Gin
    If only I could get
    this disc out of there.
[04:02] Gin
    It won't even budge.
[04:05] Kagura
    What's on that disc anyway?
[04:07] Gin
    How would I know?
[04:08] Gin
    The former owner jammed it in there.
[04:11] Shin
    You can't pull or push it, but it spins.
[04:14] Kagura
    There's something written on the disc.
[04:21] Gin
    The Cursed Blu-ray?
[04:23] Gin
    What's this?
[04:24] Shin
    Beats me.
[04:25] Shin
    I've heard of cursed video tapes.
[04:28] Shin
    The ones where you die
    if you watch them.
[04:31] Kagura
    I've heard about that.
[04:32] Kagura
    A ghost comes out of
    the TV and kills you.
[04:36] Gin
    It's coming for me!
[04:39] Shin
    But I've never heard of
    a cursed Blu-ray before.
[04:42] Kagura
    Well, video tapes are too dated.
[04:44] Kagura
    Ghosts also have to
    keep up with the times.
[04:48] Gin
    Th-This isn't funny!
[04:50] Gin
    I don't want to see a
    high-definition ghost!
[04:53] Gin
    Damn that bitch!
[04:54] Gin
    I'm gonna return this thing!
[04:55] Shin
    Ah, Gin-san!
[04:56] Shin
    You didn't unplug it!
[05:03] Gin
    I put it in!
[05:05] Kagura
    That's great.
[05:06] Kagura
    Let's watch it then.
[05:08] Gin
    What are you babbling about?!
[05:10] Gin
    Do you want to die?!
[05:11] Shin
    It was probably just a prank.
[05:13] Shin
    That cursed video tape was just a story.
[05:15] Gin
    Just turn the TV off!
[05:17] Shin
    Man...
[05:17] Shin
    Turn around then, Gin-san.
[05:20] Shin
    I'll turn the volume down.
[05:25] Shin
    Huh?
[05:26] Shin
    The remote isn't working.
[05:29] Gin
    What?!
[05:30] Gin
    Hey! Wait a second!
[05:31] Gin
    This is...
[05:33] Kagura
    Oh, I can see something.
[05:36] Gin
    Hey, isn't that a well?
[05:39] Gin
    This is, you know,
[05:40] Gin
    where that person lives!
[05:42] Gin
    This is really bad...
[05:46] Gin
    There it comes!
[05:47] Gin
    It was all true!
[05:48] Gin
    We're so screwed!
[05:50] Kagura
    Uh oh, it's going to jump out
    of the TV and kill us all!
[05:55] Gin
    Shinpachi!
[05:55] Gin
    Grab a pot lid!
[05:57] Gin
    Hold it back!
[05:57] Gin
    Don't let it get out!
[05:59] Shin
    That's not how it works!
[06:00] Kagura
    Gin-chan, it's coming closer!
[06:03] Gin
    Destroy it! Destroy the TV!
[06:06] Shin
    W-Wait, Gin-san!
[06:08] Shin
    It...
[06:10] Shin
    It stopped moving.
[06:16] Ghost
    K-Kotatsu...
[06:20] Gin
    Kotatsu?!
[06:20] Gin
    What's that supposed to mean?!
[06:22] Gin
    Is that some kind of deadly curse?!
[06:23] Shin
    Ah! She's leaving.
[06:25] Shin
    I don't get it, but she's
    going back to the well!
[06:27] Ghost
    Did I turn it off?
[06:28] Gin
    Hey! She just said, "Did I turn it off"!
[06:30] Gin
    So she meant kotatsu as
    in the heated table?!
[06:31] Gin
    She went back to make
    sure she turned it off?!
[06:34] Shin
    Uh, what kind of ghost would
    go back to check on a kotatsu?!
[06:37] Shin
    And is there a kotatsu down there?!
[06:39] Gin
    Anyway, this is our chance!
[06:41] Gin
    Come up with a plan
    before she comes back!
[06:44] Kagura
    Ah, she's coming back!
[06:46] Gin
    She already finished checking! Damn!
[06:50] Shin
    Huh, she stopped moving again.
[06:56] Ghost
    P-Plug...
[06:59] Gin
    Hey!
[07:00] Shin
    Now she's going back to
    unplug the whole thing!
[07:03] Shin
    That's one oversensitive ghost!
[07:06] Shin
    Though I understand the feeling!
[07:07] Shin
    It happens!
[07:08] Gin
    She can't come out of the TV if
[07:09] ---
    she can't even make it
    outside of the well!
[07:11] Gin
    Maybe she's been cursed by the kotatsu!
[07:14] Gin
    Maybe she should just flip the breaker?!
[07:17] Shin
    Ah, she's back!
[07:19] Kagura
    She's having trouble getting up.
[07:26] Gin
    She brought the kotatsu with her!
[07:28] Shin
    She was so worried that she
    brought the kotatsu out with her!
[07:32] Shin
    And this is the wrong season
    for a kotatsu anyway!
[07:34] Gin
    That's not gonna happen!
[07:36] Shin
    She can't bring that thing
    out of the TV with her!
[07:38] Shin
    Our TV's too small!
[07:41] Shin
    It won't fit through!
[07:42] Shin
    You have to lead with the corner!
[07:45] Kagura
    Oh, well. I guess I'll give her a hand!
[07:48] Gin
    Hell no! Don't help her!
[07:49] Gin
    And how are you supposed
    to get inside the TV?!
[07:51] Kagura
    I feel bad for her though.
[07:53] Kagura
    She's about to cry.
[07:54] Gin
    Uh, it doesn't seem like
    you'll be killing us,
[07:58] Gin
    so could you leave?
[07:59] Gin
    We'll play this Blu-ray
    again in a few days,
[08:01] Gin
    so you can give it another shot then.
[08:05] Gin
    Uh, did you hear me?
[08:08] Shin
    She's making herself comfortable.
[08:12] Shin
    She's watching TV from inside the TV.
[08:14] Kagura
    What's she trying to do?
[08:16] Gin
    Don't give me any crap!
[08:18] Gin
    I told you to leave!
[08:19] Gin
    This is our TV!
[08:21] Gin
    If you don't scram, I'll Bubble
    Fiction: Boom or Bust your ass!
[08:24] Gin
    You'll be off to a pretty crappy world!
[08:26] Ghost
    I-I'm sorry...
[08:28] Ghost
    I don't mean any harm.
[08:31] Ghost
    Could you spare one channel
    for me to spend the night?
[08:36] Gin
    Screw that!
[08:37] Gin
    Why should we let a ghost
    use one of our channels?!
[08:40] Ghost
    Y-You've got it wrong.
[08:41] Ghost
    I'm not a suspicious ghost.
[08:45] Ghost
    Look.
[08:57] Ghost
    See, I'm not a ghost.
[09:01] Gin
    Y-You're...
[09:03] Gin
    That's...
[09:05] Ghost
    I-I'm an angel.
[09:08] Ghost
    An imaginary angel.
[09:11] Ghost
    Blu-wraith.
[09:13] Shin
    You're obviously not an angel!
[09:15] Shin
    You look the same as you did before!
[09:17] Shin
    More like you became an angel by
[09:19] ---
    removing yourself from reality!
[09:21] Shin
    What's that thing hanging
    from your neck?!
[09:23] Ghost
    Don't worry. I can't leave the TV.
[09:28] Ghost
    These defiled wings
    can't carry me anywhere.
[09:32] Ghost
    I can only look up at the
    sky from my rectangular box.
[09:37] Shin
    Blu-wraith is getting all blue on us!
[09:39] Shin
    She's doing justice to her name!
[09:41] Ghost
    I was created by a mad
    scientist from another planet
[09:46] Ghost
    as a program to place in
    Blu-rays for invading cities.
[09:50] Ghost
    When the Blu-ray is played,
    I become an electronic virus
[09:55] Ghost
    that possesses every
    system and destroys all.
[09:57] Shin
    That's not very angelic.
[09:58] Shin
    I'd call you a demon.
[10:00] Ghost
    But before I could be played,
[10:04] Ghost
    the professor had to sell me to a
    recycle shop to pay off his debts.
[10:07] Ghost
    Ever since, I've been known
    as the cursed Blu-ray
[10:10] ---
    and sent from planet to planet.
[10:13] Shin
    So you're the cursed Blu-ray
[10:15] Shin
    because you curse appliances,
    electric devices?
[10:18] Ghost
    P-Please...
[10:20] Ghost
    I have nowhere else to go.
[10:22] Ghost
    Let me stay in this TV.
[10:24] Ghost
    One channel is all I need.
[10:25] Ghost
    Let me stay in this Braun tube.
[10:28] Gin
    This is all too sudden.
[10:31] Kagura
    Are you sure you want to stay
    in this cramped and dirty 1LDK?
[10:34] Kagura
    You could stay in a fancy 3D home.
[10:39] Ghost
    I-I guess you don't want a
    dirty Blu-ray like me around.
[10:44] Shin
    Huh?
[10:44] Kagura
    Of course...
[10:47] Kagura
    Everyone's had their turn with me
[10:50] ---
    from recycle shop to recycle shop.
[10:54] ---
    I've been abused by so many players.
[10:57] Kagura
    Nobody would want to play
    this slutty Blu-ray.
[10:59] Shin
    Sh-Should you really be
[11:01] ---
    so blue about nobody
    wanting to play you?
[11:03] Gin
    She's a Blu-ray.
[11:05] Ghost
    I can no longer fly anywhere
    on these slutty wings.
[11:09] Ghost
    I can't make it to
    channel 5 or channel 4.
[11:12] Ghost
    I belong on the dark Video 1.
[11:15] Shin
    She just revealed that
    she wants to be on Video 1.
[11:18] Ghost
    If that is too much to ask for...
[11:21] Shin
    Ah! Wait!
[11:24] Ghost
    I don't need these wings.
[11:26] Ghost
    After all, they broke long ago.
[11:29] Ghost
    Maybe these wings will carry me away
[11:32] ---
    if I make them bright red.
[11:34] Gin
    Hold on! Calm down!
[11:36] Gin
    Video 1!
[11:37] Gin
    Video 1's what you want?!
[11:38] Ghost
    What? Can I?
[11:40] Gin
    Only until you find another home!
[11:42] Gin
    And promise that you
    won't leave Video 1!
[11:44] Ghost
    Th-Thank you. I'm so happy...
[11:48] Ghost
    H-Huh?
[11:49] Ghost
    That's odd.
[11:51] Ghost
    I shouldn't be able to cry out of my right eye, yet.
[11:56] Gin
    Very odd! Very red!
[11:58] Ghost
    I want to show my appreciation.
[11:59] Ghost
    But I have nothing to offer.
[12:01] Gin
    It's okay! It's okay,
    so change channels!
[12:03] Gin
    Let us control the TV!
[12:05] Ghost
    Oh, that's right.
[12:06] Ghost
    I promise to return the
    favor, so wait for me.
[12:09] Gin
    Uh, what are you going to do?
[12:10] Gin
    Why are you flashing your right wing?!
[12:12] Ghost
    And please don't switch to Video 1
[12:15] ---
    before I've shown my appreciation!
[12:17] Gin
    What are you going to give us?!
[12:18] Gin
    Don't do it!
[12:19] Gin
    You only have one wing left!
[12:22] Ghost
    It doesn't matter.
[12:23] Ghost
    I will never fly again,
[12:25] Ghost
    but my corpse can serve as a
    launchpad to send you high up.
[12:35] Shin
    Gin-san, is a color TV
    supposed to be so blue?
[12:39] Gin
    Video 1 is off-limits for now.
[12:41] Gin
    The transition to digital TV
    is finished, so stick to that.
[12:44] Shin
    Let's watch something to cheer us up.
[12:45] Shin
    Is it time for Laugh Away?
[12:47] Kagura
    Who's going to be on
    Telephone Shocking tonight?
SIGN    Blu-wraith
[12:50] Tamo
    Did you cut off your wing?
[12:51] Ghost
    Yes.
[12:55] Tamo
    Did you cut your hair?
[12:55] Shin
    Gin-san, I've never seen this
    person on Tamo-san Hour before.
[12:57] Ghost
    I cut off my wing.
[12:59] Shin
    Who brought her on?
[13:01] Shin
    Why isn't Tamo-san saying anything?
[13:04] Tamo
    Oh, we have flowers.
SIGN    Congratulations on your appearance  on Laugh Away?  - Blu-wraith
[13:06] Shin
    And there's only one bouquet.
[13:09] Shin
    From herself.
[13:10] Tamo
    Introduce me to your friends.
[13:14] Shin
    No reaction.
[13:16] Shin
    This is as bad as when
    Akira Emoto was on.
[13:18] Gin
    Stop it!
[13:20] Gin
    Stop making our TV blue!
[13:22] Gin
    Change!
[13:23] Gin
    Change channels!
[13:24] N
    Oh! Someone's making a run!
[13:27] N
    It's Right Wing! Right Wing!
[13:30] N
    Well ma'am. I would consider
    that domestic violence.
[13:34] Ghost
    No...
[13:35] Ghost
    I wanted my husband to
    pay attention to me.
[13:37] Ghost
    So I snapped my wing off.
[13:39] Ghost
    Today, we'll be making angel
    wingtip with blue cheese.
[13:45] Gin
    Everything's the same color!
[13:47] Gin
    A very black blue!
[14:02] N
    Fifty thousand, I'd say.
[14:05] Gin
    Gramps, you're part of the
    make-me-blue movement?
[14:07] Gin
    Stop it.
[14:08] Gin
    Drop a zero.
[14:09] N
    That zero might save your life.
[14:12] N
    You want this to blow up again?
[14:14] Gin
    Tsk.
[14:16] N
    Still, you're an oddball.
[14:19] N
    Why would you put a GPS on a scooter?
[14:22] N
    With a Blu-ray player to boot.
[14:26] Gin
    I'm at a crossroads in my life.
[14:28] ---
    A very blue crossroads.
[14:30] N
    Don't let that Blu-ray player
    get you into an accident!
[14:38] Gin
    Hey, I moved you over.
[14:40] Gin
    You understand?
[14:43] Gin
    You better earn me the 50 grand back.
[14:46] Ghost
    I-I'm sorry about causing
    you so much trouble.
[14:51] Ghost
    I couldn't fit on a
[14:52] ---
    video tape because I was
    supposed to be capable
[14:55] Ghost
    of destroying entire cities.
[14:57] Ghost
    I'm really sorry.
[14:59] Ghost
    I will hang myself in apology.
[15:01] Gin
    Uh, you already hanged yourself.
[15:03] Gin
    Listen to me.
[15:04] Gin
    No more hanging or wing snapping.
[15:06] Gin
    You're gonna pay me back
    by serving as my navigator.
[15:09] Gin
    A fool like you should still
    be able to read a map, right?
[15:12] Ghost
    Th-Thank you.
[15:14] Ghost
    You have set me free from my cage.
[15:18] Ghost
    Y-You're like my wings...
[15:22] Ghost
    I-In that case,
[15:26] Ghost
    I no longer need this defiled wing.
[15:29] Gin
    Stop! I told you to stop that!
[15:31] Gin
    You really want to rip your wings off!
[15:33] Gin
    Take better care of your body!
[15:35] Ghost
    I feel better when I see blood,
[15:38] Ghost
    because I may feel blue.
    But my blood is still red.
[15:42] Gin
    Okay, we have our destination!
[15:43] Gin
    Tell me the way to the hospital!
[15:45] Gin
    I'm on a delivery, so do a proper job.
[15:49] Gin
    This is where we're going.
[15:50] Gin
    Bring up the map!
[15:52] Ghost
    U-Understood.
[15:56] Ghost
    The blue wing is our current location.
[15:58] Ghost
    Our destination is the red wing.
[16:01] Gin
    The whole screen is covered in red!
[16:02] Gin
    Who said anything about blood?!
[16:05] Ghost
    Sorry, I wanted to help you
    calm down and drive safely.
[16:09] Gin
    How is this supposed to calm me down?!
[16:10] Gin
    I can't tell where I'm
    going with all this blood!
[16:13] Gin
    You should give me a more
    realistic demonstration!
[16:16] Gin
    That's not what I meant!
[16:20] Ghost
    Like this?
[16:21] Gin
    Yes, like this!
[16:23] Gin
    And tell me stuff like how many
    meters many until a turn to the right.
[16:26] Ghost
    Turn right in 25 meters.
[16:33] Ghost
    Turn right in 50 meters.
[16:37] Ghost
    Turn right in 75 meters.
[16:41] Gin
    Uh, why do I keep turning right?
[16:44] Gin
    I'm back where I started?
[16:46] Gin
    Do you know what you're doing?
[16:49] Ghost
    I'm sorry...
[16:50] Ghost
    But I only have a right wing to turn....
[16:54] Gin
    Nobody said to turn your wing!
[16:56] Ghost
    I-I'm sorry...
[16:59] Ghost
    It will be another 125 meters
    before I can snap the next bone.
[17:03] Gin
    Nobody wants to hear about
    your broken angel wing!
[17:05] Gin
    Give me my damn directions!
[17:07] Ghost
    Y-Yes...
[17:09] Ghost
    Nobody cares about me.
[17:15] Ghost
    Turn left.
[17:17] Ghost
    And then...
[17:18] Ghost
    Continue forward.
[17:23] Gin
    Are you trying to kill me?!
[17:25] Ghost
    What do you mean?
[17:26] Ghost
    If nobody cares about my
    life, I'm already dead.
[17:30] Gin
    What a pain!
[17:31] Gin
    This navigation system
    is a pain the ass!
[17:33] Ghost
    Y-Yes...
[17:35] Ghost
    My navigation is too heavy.
[17:37] Ghost
    I am nothing but a chain on your legs.
[17:40] Ghost
    Goodbye.
[17:42] Ghost
    Take care.
[17:43] Gin
    The hell are you on?! I'm riding
    on the scooter you're in!
[17:46] Gin
    F-Fine!
[17:47] Gin
    When this job is finished,
    I'll listen to your story!
[17:49] Gin
    Just give me directions right now!
[17:51] Gin
    Focus on navigating!
[17:53] Ghost
    R-Really?
[17:55] Ghost
    Then I'll try my best.
[17:57] Ghost
    Turn right in 150 meters.
[18:00] Gin
    Yes, yes. Excellent.
    That's more like it!
[18:04] Ghost
    Turn left in 20 meters.
[18:06] ---
    You are too close to the
    car in front of you.
[18:09] Gin
    Hey, you're pretty good at this.
[18:12] Gin
    So turn right, turn left... What's next?
[18:15] Ghost
    Kotatsu six kilometers behind.
[18:18] Gin
    What does your kotatsu
    have to do with anything?!
[18:19] Gin
    You want me to turn around?!
[18:20] Gin
    You need to go check
    if it's turned off?!
[18:22] Gin
    Why do you keep worrying
    about your kotatsu?!
[18:24] Ghost
    You are too far away from the kotatsu.
[18:27] Ghost
    Current distance: 6,238 meters.
[18:29] Gin
    Who cares how far away the kotatsu is?!
[18:32] Ghost
    Distance between our
    hearts: 6,343 meters.
[18:35] Gin
    How does that even make sense?!
[18:38] Gin
    Where is your heart?!
[18:42] Ghost
    So close...
[18:44] Ghost
    And yet so far away.
[18:46] Ghost
    You are so far away...
[18:48] Gin
    This navigation system
    is a pain in the ass!
[18:50] Gin
    It's like you're straight out
    of a Shinji Nojima serial!
[18:58] Gin
    I'm just kidding! You're
    not a pain in the ass!
[18:59] Gin
    Thank you for the concern!
[19:01] Gin
    But don't worry, you
    turned off the kotatsu!
[19:04] Gin
    Focus!
[19:06] Gin
    Do your job, okay?!
[19:08] Ghost
    I'm sorry.
[19:09] Ghost
    I can't stop worrying
    about the kotatsu...
[19:12] Ghost
    Are you sure? Are you really sure?
[19:15] Gin
    It's fine! Stop worrying.
[19:17] Ghost
    I'm sorry.
[19:19] Ghost
    I had a traumatic experience
    involving a kotatsu.
[19:21] Gin
    Uh, could you just do your job?
[19:24] Ghost
    Yes...
[19:26] Ghost
    I was waiting for him that day...
[19:29] Gin
    Hey, what is this?!
[19:31] Gin
    You're like those couples who
    get stuck in a traffic jam
[19:33] Gin
    and start watching shows
    on their navigation system!
[19:35] Ghost
    My boyfriend was so possessive that
    he wouldn't let me go outside.
[19:39] Gin
    Boyfriend?!
[19:41] Gin
    Isn't that the mad
    scientist who made you?!
[19:43] Gin
    And is this like a flashback
    in a flashback?!
[19:46] Ghost
    When I tried to go outside,
[19:49] Ghost
    he would use d-doner kebab.
[19:52] Gin
    Domestic violence!
[19:54] Gin
    You were completely off!
[19:56] Gin
    And did he just rip off a wing?!
[19:57] Gin
    You had two earlier!
[19:59] Ghost
    Back then, I had six wings.
[20:02] Gin
    Hell if I care!
[20:03] Gin
    And how come you can talk straight now!
[20:06] Ghost
    I tried to convince myself that
    he was acting out of love.
[20:10] Ghost
    But there was one thing that worried me.
[20:13] Ghost
    My mad boyfriend would always leave me and go away...
[20:18] Gin
    You're the one who's mad!
[20:21] Ghost
    He went to Fukuoka a while back.
[20:23] Ghost
    Last week, it was Hokkaido.
[20:25] Ghost
    Today, he went to Nagoya.
[20:26] Ghost
    Are these really business trips?
[20:29] Ghost
    Or is he going to see other women?
[20:33] Gin
    Fukuoka, Hokkaido, and Nagoya?!
[20:35] Gin
    Aren't you from a different planet?!
[20:37] Ghost
    I could only sit under a kotatsu and
[20:39] Ghost
    watch reruns of Shinji
    Nojima serials while
[20:41] ---
    waiting for him to return.
[20:42] Gin
    What the hell?
[20:44] Gin
    Why does it have to be Shinji Nojima?!
[20:47] Ghost
    Then I woke up.
[20:50] Ghost
    I could smell something delicious.
[20:54] Ghost
    It was a gift from Nagoya.
[20:57] Ghost
    My boyfriend was really
    on a business trip!
[20:59] Ghost
    And he bought a present for me.
[21:04] Ghost
    But then I realized that
    it wasn't a present from Nagoya.
[21:09] Ghost
    It was my wing that had been burned
    by the heat from the kotatsu.
[21:14] Gin
    Why?!
[21:23] Ghost
    And so, I was traumatized by
    kotatsu, wings, and Shinji Nojima.
[21:28] Gin
    I-It's okay!
[21:30] Gin
    Everybody has to deal
    with their own pain!
[21:33] Gin
    Wh-Who cares if you
    don't have any wings?!
[21:36] Gin
    You don't need any wings!
[21:38] Gin
    I'll take you where you want to go!
SIGN    Really?
[21:52] Gin
    Wow, the sky is so blue...
SIGN    Next Episode: So in the Second Season of Prison Break,  They're Already Broken Out of Prison,  But the Name Works Once You Realize That Society is a Prison
[23:30] Gin
    Let me out!
[23:32] Gin
    I'm innocent!

E225 - So in the second season of Prison Break, they're already broken out of prison, but the name works once you realize that society is a prison
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Cosplay Club
[01:31] Gin
    Prison role playing?
[01:32] A
    Yes, I play the prisoner, and he plays the guard.
[01:36] Gin
    Could you give me some more detail?
[01:39] Gin
    Like some examples of what you were doing.
[01:40] Gin
    And I don't mean in a dirty way.
[01:42] A
    Is that even relevant?
[01:44] A
    He would always handcuff and blindfold
[01:47] ---
    our girls before running off without paying.
[01:50] Gin
    Can you be more specific?
[01:52] Gin
    How about we reenact the scene with me playing the guard.
[01:55] Shin
    Gin-san, do you still remember why we're here?
[01:57] A
    I've heard that he's a dangerous guy with backdoor gang connections,
[02:00] ---
    so our hands are tied.
[02:02] Gin
    Don't worry, I'm also a backdoor kind of person.
[02:05] Gin
    So could you head out the backdoor and wait in those handcuffs for me?
[02:08] Shin
    Gin-san, cut it out.
[02:09] Kagura
    So we just have to get him to pay up?
[02:13] B
    Welcome.
[02:15] A
    Oh, I think he's here.
[02:16] A
    He's all yours.
[02:18] Guard
    I would like the prison role playing service again.
[02:21] Gin
    Sir, I am impressed to see you wearing a guard uniform.
SIGN    Weekly Ranking
[02:26] Gin
    However, I am sorry to say that tonight...
[02:30] Gin
    You will be the prisoner, and I will be the guard.
[02:35] Guard
    Remove that filthy hand.
[02:37] Guard
    You want some time in the disciplinary room?
[02:40] Gin
    If you want to play prison guard,
[02:41] ---
    you need to pay what you owe.
[02:43] Gin
    Or else you're headed straight to the slammer.
[02:46] Guard
    You prisoners are only walking free because I allow you to.
[02:51] Guard
    That hand better be removed when I stop smiling.
[02:55] Gin
    Actually, I think they'll be
[02:56] ---
    sending you somewhere else instead of the slammer.
[02:59] Guard
    This is your last warning.
[03:01] Guard
    Remove the hand.
[03:03] Guard
    You won't have another chance to
[03:04] ---
    correct your mistake once I throw your ass in jail.
[03:06] Gin
    Heh, amusing.
[03:07] Gin
    Throw my ass in jail?
[03:10] Gin
    I wanna see you try it, you sick warden!
SIGN    So in the Second Season of Prison Break, They've Already Broken Out of Prison, But the Name Works Once You Realize That Society is a Prison
[03:20] Guard
    I have a depraved samurai here who
[03:23] ---
    was making threats and took a couple of kids
[03:24] Guard
    to an adult establishment.
[03:26] Guard
    Keep an eye on him.
[03:28] A
    Yes, Warden Beri!
[03:30] Gin
    H-He's the real thing!
[03:33] Gin
    W-Wait a moment!
[03:35] Gin
    Nobody told me this would happen!
[03:36] Gin
    Is it really okay for that thug to be a prison guard?!
[03:39] Gin
    Let me out! I'm innocent!
[03:41] Gin
    The real culprit is that sick warden!
[03:43] Old
    Newbie.
[03:45] Old
    Save your yapping for roll call, will you?
[03:49] Gin
    Sorry, Gramps.
[03:51] Gin
    I don't intend to be part of any roll call.
[03:53] Old
    That nasty fellow threw you in here, right?
[03:56] Old
    You won't last long if you disobey him.
[04:00] Old
    Kuzunosuke Beri.
[04:02] Old
    He's the head warden here.
[04:04] Old
    He's involved in a lot of dirty business such as torturing prisoners.
[04:08] Old
    The law won't do you any good here.
[04:10] Old
    We're in his kingdom.
[04:12] Gin
    Th-That's not funny...
[04:14] Gin
    It won't be long before my people produce evidence
[04:17] Gin
    that I was framed and prove my innocence.
[04:22] Shin
    Gin-san, we did it!
[04:24] Shin
    After a lot of running around,
[04:26] ---
    we were able to get your sentence reduced!
[04:28] Kagura
    Only two years of prison time! You'll be out in no time! Isn't it great?
[04:31] Gin
    I see. Only two years...
[04:34] Gin
    ...my ass!
[04:35] Gin
    Why are you acting like this is good news when it's terrible news?!
[04:38] Shin
    Unfortunately, there's already been
[04:40] ---
    a lot of information manipulation going on.
[04:43] Kagura
    The report has Gin-chan as the one who was making trouble,
[04:47] Kagura
    and it even says that you assaulted that guard.
[04:49] Gin
    Son of a bitch!
[04:51] Gin
    So he's blaming me for the crime and his freaky role playing?!
[04:54] Shin
    That warden was always a troublemaker,
[04:58] Shin
    but his father happens to be a big cop
[05:00] ---
    with enough connections to get him this job.
[05:03] Shin
    His ass is covered.
[05:05] Shin
    In any case, we'll have to poke around some more.
[05:10] Shin
    Anyway, we'll do what we can, so hang in there.
[05:13] Kagura
    Keep your asshole safe.
[05:18] Gin
    This isn't funny.
[05:20] Gin
    If our positions were switched
[05:21] ---
    and they'd been thrown in prison for robbing a bank,
[05:24] Gin
    I'd sneak into the prison with an escape plan tattooed all over me,
[05:26] Gin
    if that's what it takes to save them.
[05:29] Old
    Youngster, sometimes there is perspective to be gained by giving up.
[05:34] Gin
    Were you also framed by that rotten guard?
[05:38] Old
    I'm just your average two-bit criminal.
[05:40] Gin
    What'd you do?
[05:42] Old
    I can't remember that far back.
[05:45] Gin
    How long are you in here?
[05:47] Old
    I believe that I still have...
[05:49] Old
    ...210 years.
[05:51] Gin
    Guard! Please put me in a different room!
[05:54] Old
    I used to plot ways to escape, but I gave up a long time ago.
[05:58] Gin
    No shit!
[05:59] Gin
    And what'd you do to warrant a 200-year sentence?!
[06:02] Gin
    That's like Demon King Piccolo level!
[06:03] Old
    As a result, I've realized what I should be doing.
SIGN    How are you doing? It's a lovely day outside. We had rice, fish, miso soup, and takuan for dinner.
[06:08] Gin
    You were writing a letter earlier, too.
[06:11] Gin
    Who is that to...
[06:11] Guard
    You still haven't given up on that?
[06:15] Guard
    Put yourself in the shoes of a son
[06:17] ---
    who receives letters from his criminal of a father.
[06:22] Old
    Good warden, I appreciate your assistance.
[06:26] Guard
    Hold on.
[06:27] Guard
    Whether you're on the inside or the outside,
[06:30] ---
    nothing comes free in this world.
[06:33] Old
    I paid you at the beginning of the month.
[06:36] Guard
    You're only allowed to receive stuff from the outside once a month.
[06:39] Guard
    Yet I'm putting in the effort to bring you letters every week.
[06:45] Gin
    Hey, bastard.
[06:47] Gin
    You enjoy shaking old geezers for change?
[06:50] Gin
    Do you need the money to play a crane game?
[06:51] Old
    S-Stop it, Newbie!
[06:53] Guard
    Crane game...
[06:55] Guard
    Sounds about right,
[06:56] Guard
    since I love playing with the toys in this pen.
[07:01] Gin
    You sure know how to have a good time.
[07:02] Gin
    Let me join in.
[07:04] Guard
    This is my personal privilege.
[07:06] Guard
    I'll play with you soon enough.
[07:08] Gin
    Sorry, but I already had my fun.
[07:12] Gin
    Gramps, is this what you wanted?
[07:15] Gin
    Guess you owe me now.
[07:17] Guard
    Bastard! When did you...
[07:19] Gin
    Sorry, you looked like one of
[07:22] ---
    those ugly stuffed animals in a crane game.
[07:25] Guard
    B-Bastard...
[07:31] Guard
    Don't forget.
[07:33] Guard
    You'll soon find out what happens to people who oppose me.
[07:38] Guard
    I guarantee it.
[07:47] Old
    Man, I told you to behave.
[07:50] Gin
    If you're trying to show your appreciation, give me your dessert.
[07:52] Old
    You're not getting my pudding.
[07:53] Old
    But I'll give you my sliced radishes
[07:54] ---
    tomorrow and the day after that.
[07:56] Gin
    You're just giving me the stuff you don't like.
[07:59] Gin
    What was in the letter?
[08:02] Old
    Just some small talk.
[08:04] Gin
    You're bribing that warden so you can make small talk?
[08:10] Old
    I have no other use for my money when I'm stuck
[08:12] ---
    here another 200 years.
[08:15] Old
    I'm an old man in prison.
[08:20] Old
    I'm sure that my family has suffered because of my actions.
[08:23] Old
    But my son's the only one left to make amends with.
[08:29] Old
    I never expected him to reply or forgive me,
[08:34] Old
    but soon, I was receiving replies regularly.
[08:40] Old
    Now, I'm basically living for the sake of his small talk.
[08:46] Gin
    Why don't you just have him visit
[08:48] ---
    instead of going through all this trouble?
[08:50] Old
    A felon like me isn't allowed visitors.
[08:53] Old
    But after spending years writing letters,
[08:56] ---
    I've become a model prisoner.
[08:58] Old
    In one week, they'll grant me clemency.
[09:02] Gin
    You'll be able to see your son?
[09:04] Old
    Yes, in one week,
[09:07] Old
    as long as there isn't any trouble.
[09:10] Old
    I understand that you've been thrown in here
[09:12] ---
    for a crime you didn't commit.
[09:14] Old
    But for one week, until I meet my son,
[09:19] ---
    I ask that you don't make any trouble.
[09:21] Old
    Please...
[09:23] Old
    Please...
[09:24] Gin
    Let's make a deal.
[09:27] Gin
    I'm going to help sustain your lifestyle,
[09:30] Gin
    so you should help me with mine.
[09:32] Old
    What?
[09:37] Old
    Wh-Why you...
[09:40] Old
    Not that!
[09:42] Gin
    Gramps!
[09:43] Gin
    You call yourself a model prisoner?!
[09:44] Gin
    Look at you making a huge fuss over pudding!
[09:46] Old
    Give it back!
[09:47] Old
    Give back my bouncy pudding!
[09:49] Gin
    Do you care more about your son or your pudding?!
[09:51] Old
    My s-sonding!
[09:53] Gin
    What the hell is a sonding?!
[09:54] Gin
    The title of some Jump Square series?!
[09:55] A
    Hey! What's all the noise about?!
[09:57] Gin
    Nothing! Just having a discussion about a bouncy pudding!
[10:00] A
    Don't lie to me!
[10:01] A
    That's an erect pudding!
[10:02] Gin
    No, it's a bouncy pudding!
[10:04] A
    'Fess up!
[10:05] A
    This is clearly an erect pudding!
[10:06] Gin
    No, it's most definitely a bouncy pudding!
[10:11] Gin
    What the hell?
[10:12] Gin
    You were about to lose your chance
[10:14] ---
    to see your son because of a pudding.
[10:16] Old
    Listen to me.
[10:16] Old
    You better give me my pudding back once the week is up.
[10:20] Gin
    Man...
[10:21] Old
    Understand?
[10:23] Old
    I'm sure that you don't want any trouble with the warden...
[10:27] Gin
    I understand perfectly.
[10:29] Gin
    These guys want to make trouble.
[10:33] Old
    Th-That's...
[10:37] Old
    Shachi!
[10:39] Old
    A vicious felon who was locked up on the Devil's Island,
[10:43] Old
    but the warden used his connections to bring him here as an underling!
[10:47] Old
    The King of Criminals!
[10:49] Old
    Shachi the Killer!
[10:51] Old
    N-Not good!
[10:53] Shachi
    Yo, so you're the newbie with a lot of spirit?
[10:58] Shachi
    The warden told us about you.
[11:00] Shachi
    He said there were a couple of punching bags that wouldn't fight back.
[11:06] A
    Some new toys for us to play with.
[11:08] B
    Shachi, which one do you want?
[11:10] Shachi
    I would prefer the younger one,
[11:13] Shachi
    but I like the idea of beating an old man to death.
[11:20] Shachi
    Wh-What's with that look?
[11:23] Shachi
    You wanna fight?
[11:25] Shachi
    You don't care if you never get to see your son again?!
[11:30] Old
    No! He's gonna kill me!
[11:38] Gin
    There are jellyfish on your shoulders.
[11:42] Old
    Fashion!
[11:44] Old
    Those are for fashion!
[11:45] Old
    To show that he's the king of this prison!
[11:47] Gin
    And your gloves are so worn that your fingers are sticking out.
[11:50] Gin
    You should patch them up,
[11:52] Gin
    since I'm the only one who seems to have noticed.
[11:54] A
    You making fun of him, you bastard?!
[11:56] B
    Those aren't jellyfish! They're shoulder pads!
[11:58] B
    That's how they're supposed to look!
[12:00] Gin
    What? You all knew?
[12:02] Gin
    So you've been holding back your laughter?
[12:05] A
    Hell no!
[12:06] A
    This is Shachi's new snappy outfit!
[12:09] Gin
    Outfit?
[12:11] Gin
    So you cut the fingers off your gloves?
[12:14] Gin
    Why would you do that?
[12:17] Gin
    You could just take off the gloves if they're too tight.
[12:19] Gin
    Are the scars on your forehead the same?
[12:21] Gin
    You cut yourself up?
[12:23] Gin
    I guess it wouldn't make sense for actual scars to be so perfectly aligned.
[12:25] Gin
    Why?
[12:26] Gin
    Why would you hurt yourself like that?
[12:28] Old
    Hey, stop it!
[12:30] Old
    Just drop the subject!
[12:31] Old
    Don't provoke Shachi anymore!
[12:34] Shachi
    I-It was just...
[12:36] Shachi
    My face was all itchy from a mosquito bite,
[12:38] Shachi
    and when I scratched it, my forehead ended up like this.
[12:40] Old
    Shachi!
[12:41] Old
    You're blushing, Shachi!
[12:43] Old
    You're destroying your image!
[12:45] Shachi
    It's not like I wanted an X on my forehead.
[12:48] Shachi
    I'm fine with turning it into a semicolon.
[12:51] A
    Stop, Shachi!
[12:52] A
    You look cool! The X is cool!
[12:54] A
    Don't worry! You're rocking that X!
[12:56] Shachi
    I don't care if I look cool or not.
[12:59] Shachi
    And I don't care how my clothes look if they're comfortable!
[13:03] Shachi
    I'm never gonna wear shoulder pads again!
[13:06] Old
    A hissy fit!
[13:07] Old
    Shachi's throwing a hissy fit!
[13:09] Shachi
    Hey, bastard!
[13:10] Shachi
    You said that someone was laughing at me?
[13:12] A
    Nobody was laughing!
[13:13] A
    Nobody was laughing at you, Shachi!
[13:15] Shachi
    Tell me who it was!
[13:16] B
    No, Shachi!
[13:17] B
    He's messing with you!
[13:18] B
    You're letting him mess with you!
[13:19] Gin
    Sorry, I can't tell you.
[13:22] Gin
    I might be in prison, but I ain't lousy enough to squeal.
[13:26] A
    H-Hey, what's he doing?
[13:29] B
    Impossible...
[13:30] B
    Is he protecting us?
[13:33] Gin
    If I squeal, you'll kill him, right?
[13:36] Gin
    We can't afford to cause any trouble right now.
[13:41] Shachi
    I don't give a damn!
[13:43] Shachi
    If I let this go, my street cred is ruined!
[13:46] Shachi
    Now I have to kill you!
[13:49] Gin
    That would be smart.
[13:51] Gin
    I won't have to rat out my buddies.
[13:54] Gin
    And you won't have to kill yours.
[13:57] Gin
    We're both grown men.
[14:00] Gin
    So man up.
[14:07] Shachi
    That's the second time I've seen
[14:09] ---
    a person with that look in this cesspool.
[14:12] Shachi
    Boys, line up and close your eyes.
[14:14] All
    Huh?
[14:15] Shachi
    I'll let you settle this.
[14:17] Shachi
    Don't worry.
[14:19] Shachi
    We didn't see anything happen, and we know nothing.
[14:23] Old
    I didn't see this coming!
[14:26] Old
    What is he doing?!
[14:26] Old
    What is he trying to do?!
[14:28] Gin
    Run.
[14:30] Old
    I see!
[14:31] Old
    We're going to use this chance to run away, newbie!
[14:33] Gin
    Oof.
[14:42] Old
    Wh-Wha...
[14:43] Old
    What are you doing?!
[14:48] Shachi
    H-Hey!
[14:50] Shachi
    What's the meaning of this?!
[14:52] Gin
    If I only punished one of them,
[14:53] ---
    you'd be able to tell who it was from his injuries.
[14:55] Gin
    So we'll just have everyone share the pain, and you can let this go.
[15:01] Gin
    Take care of your buddies.
[15:04] Shachi
    B-Bro!
[15:12] Guard
    Looks like you got in a big fight.
[15:15] A
    No, we just had a little internal scuffle.
[15:18] Guard
    Huh?
[15:19] B
    Just give me my pudding, old timer.
[15:21] Guard
    What?
[15:23] Guard
    H-Hey, don't think you'll get away with disrespecting me...
[15:31] Shachi
    Bro! Bro!
[15:36] Guard
    What the hell?!
[15:38] Shachi
    Bro!
[15:41] Old
    After the newbie turned Shachi's gang to his side,
[15:44] Old
    the warden continued to harass him.
[15:47] Guard
    Listen up, freaks!
[15:49] Guard
    Mr. Katou, the guard here had something stolen from him!
[15:52] Guard
    We'll be searching each cell!
[15:55] B
    I found a strange DVD in cell 316!
[15:58] Honda
    That's my porn!
[16:00] Guard
    Cell 316...
[16:03] Guard
    Sakata, it was you?!
[16:05] Guard
    You're headed straight to the disciplinary room!
[16:06] Gin
    Why would I steal a DVD when I'm stuck in a cell without a TV?
[16:10] Guard
    You haven't had any contact with women.
[16:12] Guard
    The cover is all you needed.
[16:15] Gin
    I don't let the cover fool me!
[16:17] Gin
    I also check the images on the back!
[16:20] Guard
    Shut up!
[16:21] Guard
    In any case, this DVD was under your bed!
[16:23] Gin
    Warden, nobody said anything about this DVD being under my bed.
[16:28] Gin
    How did you know where it was?
[16:30] Guard
    Enough of your chatter!
[16:32] Guard
    I saw him pull the DVD out from under your bed!
[16:35] Gin
    You saw him pull it out?
[16:36] Gin
    Then...
[16:38] Gin
    Why didn't you notice that the cover had been removed?
[16:43] Guard
    Th-That's because...
[16:45] Guard
    I borrowed that DVD once.
[16:47] Guard
    And it had a cover back then.
[16:48] Guard
    With images on it...
[16:51] A
    Y-Yes!
[16:52] A
    There was a cover on it yesterday!
[16:54] A
    You must be trying to conceal the evidence!
[16:56] Gin
    Oh, really.
[16:57] Gin
    If it was there yesterday and it's gone now,
[17:00] Gin
    the person who removed the cover must be the culprit.
[17:03] Gin
    Isn't that right?
[17:05] Gin
    Thank you for confessing to the crime, Warden.
SIGN    Bound Prisoner
[17:11] Guard
    Th-This is...!
[17:12] Guard
    Could he have slipped it in then?!
[17:14] Shachi
    Enough already!
[17:16] Shachi
    Who do you think you are, trying to frame our bro?!
[17:19] Men
    Don't screw with us!
[17:20] Guard
    No...
[17:20] Shachi
    A guard stealing?! Have you no shame?!
[17:23] Shachi
    You should cut open your belly.
[17:25] All
    Seppuku! Seppuku! Seppuku!
[17:27] Guard
    Bastard...
[17:28] Guard
    He turned my own trap against me!
[17:30] All
    Seppuku! Seppuku!
[17:33] Gin
    Boys, that's enough.
[17:36] Gin
    I'm sure he just shifted the blame on me
[17:38] ---
    because he forgot to return the DVD.
[17:41] Gin
    Let him have his cover art,
[17:44] Gin
    since that's all the warden apparently needs.
[17:46] Shachi
    He definitely isn't getting any!
[17:55] Gin
    Man, that guy is a joke.
[17:57] Gin
    I'm not equipped to deal with a kid in puberty.
[18:00] Guard
    Did he finish his letter?
[18:02] Guard
    Hand it over then.
[18:04] Gin
    The evil guard is delivering mail in the middle of the night?
[18:07] Gin
    You're pretty diligent.
[18:10] Guard
    Remember this.
[18:12] Guard
    When an evil guard comes to see you in secret,
[18:15] Guard
    it's either to make a deal or to make a threat.
[18:18] Gin
    I'm not interested in either.
[18:21] Guard
    Even if I'm offering to set you free?
[18:24] Guard
    It's very simple.
[18:26] Guard
    I need you to start a ruckus.
[18:28] Guard
    Play the role of a troublemaker.
[18:31] Guard
    If you do as I say, I'll give you a ticket to freedom.
[18:37] Gin
    Let's just cut to the chase.
[18:39] Gin
    You want to screw up the plans of Gramps here.
[18:41] Gin
    All that pestering him for money was just to provoke him.
[18:45] Gin
    You were trying to drive him into making trouble.
[18:49] Gin
    That's why you were picking a fight with me.
[18:51] Gin
    You wanted him to be associated with a troublemaker
[18:53] Gin
    so you could get his clemency revoked.
[18:55] Gin
    So he won't be able to see his son...
[18:58] Gin
    Yet you keep delivering his letters.
[19:02] ---
    What's the deal?
[19:03] Guard
    Like I said, I enjoy playing with the toys in this pen.
[19:09] Guard
    Give that letter to Gramps.
[19:14] Guard
    When it comes time to break a toy,
[19:17] ---
    the higher they are, the harder they fall.
[19:27] Shachi
    Bro!
[19:29] Shachi
    Say "ahhh"!
[19:32] Gin
    Hey, why are you turning my happy dessert time
[19:35] ---
    into a Resident Evil moment?
[19:37] Shachi
    Because you don't seem to have much of an appetite...
[19:40] Gin
    That's because you've been spreading T-Virus everywhere.
[19:43] Gin
    Go back to Raccoon City!
[19:44] Old
    I'll eat it for you then...
[19:47] Gin
    A living corpse should eat porridge and go, "Itchy. Tasty."
[19:53] Old
    Oh, I believe that you sent out that letter for me yesterday.
[19:57] Old
    I appreciate it.
[19:58] Old
    Was there a reply yet?
[20:01] Gin
    Nope.
[20:03] Old
    I see...
[20:04] Shachi
    Hey, Gramps.
[20:05] Shachi
    Did your long-awaited meeting fall through?
[20:08] Old
    Eh?!
[20:08] Old
    Of course not!
[20:10] Old
    Didn't you send an entry to the Shounen Jump Treasure contest?!
[20:14] Old
    Did you get a reply?!
[20:15] Shachi
    How did you know that?!
[20:16] Old
    A prisoner was about to kill himself when a reaper appeared before him!
[20:22] Old
    Could you be any more emo?!
[20:25] Gin
    Hey, stop it, Gramps.
[20:28] A
    Don't worry, Bro.
[20:30] A
    Ever since you chased off the warden,
[20:33] A
    he's been too embarrassed to show himself.
[20:37] Shachi
    We can use this chance to take revenge on the
[20:40] ---
    guards who have abused us.
[20:43] Shachi
    Riot!
[20:44] Shachi
    Let's pull a prison version of Resident Evil
[20:46] ---
    and teach that evil warden a lesson!
[20:50] Gin
    If you do that, all of the prisoners will be blamed.
[20:54] Gin
    You criminals on death row probably don't care,
[20:58] Gin
    but I'm an innocent man.
[21:00] Shachi
    Bro! We're not on death row!
[21:02] Gin
    You are.
[21:04] Gin
    Since you were born, you've had crows
[21:06] Gin
    pecking at your brain until it was passport-sized.
[21:08] Old
    Yeah!
[21:09] Old
    I won't get to see my son!
[21:11] Old
    You'll lose your shot at the Treasure award!
[21:13] Shachi
    I haven't lost my shot!
[21:15] Shachi
    It hasn't even started!
[21:17] Shachi
    Bah, I'll give up since my Treasure award is on the line.
[21:21] Shachi
    But Bro, the prisoners here hate the warden's guts.
[21:25] Shachi
    Especially the felons.
[21:27] Shachi
    They have nothing to lose, so who knows what they'll do.
[21:30] Shachi
    If they get started, we won't be able to stop them.
[21:33] Gin
    Good grief.
[21:35] Gin
    You got plenty of troublemakers here, warden.
SIGN    Admit Your Own Mistakes
[21:40] Gin
    Gramps, you better keep an eye on them if you want to see your son.
[21:45] Gin
    I'll deal with the warden before he gets any funny ideas.
[21:49] Old
    How?
[21:51] Gin
    I'll start a ruckus.
[21:54] Gin
    But it's going to be my own.
SIGN    To be continued...
SIGN    Next Episode: Everybody Loves Pajamas
[23:30] Gin
    Next time:
[23:31] Gin
    Everybody loves pajamas.
[23:33] Gin
    Jammies!

E226 - "Everybody loves pajamas"
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] N
    Greetings.
[00:02] N
    The fall days are very comfortable.
[00:06] N
    How is your health?
[00:08] N
    I am doing well.
[00:09] N
    Recently, there's been a change in my life.
[00:11] N
    I have a new roommate in my cell.
[00:15] N
    I'm not sure if he's pure evil or just a fool.
[00:20] N
    One thing's for sure.
[00:21] N
    He's the reason I'm able to continue writing letters to you.
[00:27] N
    It won't be long before we are able to meet.
[00:30] N
    I hope to tell you much about my roommate, my friend.
[00:35] N
    I eagerly anticipate the day.
[00:38] N
    Sincerely yours.
SIGN    Everybody Loves Pajamas
[02:22] A
    Hey, Gramps.
[02:24] A
    Where's your partner?
[02:25] N
    Oh, he went to the restroom.
[02:28] A
    What? I told you to always get permission and
[02:30] ---
    accompany him to the restroom.
[02:31] N
    Sorry, he's taking a dump, so I figured I shouldn't tag along.
[02:36] A
    Oh, it's okay.
[02:37] A
    Shachi needed to take a dump, so he tagged along.
[02:40] A
    That's not the issue here.
[02:42] N
    Oh, now I need to take a dump.
[02:44] N
    Will you come with me, guard?
[02:46] A
    Why?!
[02:48] Shachi
    Bro, if they find us,
[02:50] ---
    they won't even bother sending us to the disciplinary room.
[02:52] Gin
    That's right.
[02:53] Gin
    I want to go to the warden's room,
[02:55] ---
    not the disciplinary room, Shake-kun.
[02:57] Shachi
    It's Shachi.
[02:58] Gin
    We're going to find proof that he's breaking the law.
[03:00] Gin
    Weren't you his pawn?
[03:01] Gin
    Show me the way, Hamachi-kun.
[03:02] Shachi
    It's Shachi!
[03:03] Shachi
    It's impossible!
[03:05] Shachi
    Do you realize how many locked doors we have to go through?!
[03:09] B
    Yes, this is Kamiya.
[03:10] B
    What?! What are you doing, you idiot?!
[03:13] Shachi
    Damn, did they find out that we ditched our work?
[03:16] B
    You lost the keys?!
[03:17] B
    Were they stolen?!
[03:18] Shachi
    I guess it wasn't us.
[03:21] Shachi
    We need to get back before we're caught.
[03:23] Gin
    Grow a spine.
[03:25] Gin
    They're busy looking for whoever stole the keys.
[03:27] Gin
    They won't care about a couple fellows skipping work.
[03:30] Gin
    Let's go.
[03:31] Shachi
    They're gonna care!
[03:33] Shachi
    Because the person who stole the keys is right here!
[03:35] Gin
    Huh? Where?
[03:36] Shachi
    It's you! Why are you acting surprised?!
[03:38] Gin
    I didn't steal anything.
[03:40] Gin
    I just picked up the keys after someone dropped them.
[03:41] Gin
    And I'm going to give them back.
[03:43] Shachi
    That doesn't make it okay!
[03:46] Shachi
    Bro, you're going all the way this time.
[03:49] Gin
    Yeah, time for revenge, Itachi-kun.
[03:51] Shachi
    That's not even close to my name.
[03:53] Gin
    Okay, let's disguise ourselves so we don't stand out.
[03:56] Shachi
    You're the man, Bro.
[03:57] Shachi
    You must have stolen clothes from the guards.
[04:00] Gin
    Listen up.
[04:01] Gin
    I'm a guard in pajamas.
[04:03] Gin
    You're the prisoner I'm bringing in.
[04:05] Shachi
    Nothing's changed!
[04:07] Shachi
    How are you a guard in pajamas?!
[04:08] Shachi
    The only difference is you're wearing a western style prison uniform
[04:10] Shachi
    instead of an Asian one!
[04:11] Gin
    Don't blame me.
[04:12] Gin
    The guard was working a night shift so he had his pajamas on.
[04:15] Shachi
    Why was the guard wearing pajamas like that?!
[04:18] Shachi
    Hell, you might as well be naked!
[04:20] Gin
    Don't worry.
[04:22] Gin
    If I put on a bandanna and carry a stick...
[04:24] Gin
    See? Don't I look like a guard in pajamas?
[04:27] Shachi
    Don't act like guards in pajamas are a common phenomenon!
[04:30] Shachi
    Nobody's seen one before!
[04:31] Gin
    Then I won't pretend to be a guard.
[04:33] Gin
    I'm a pajama kid with a pillow and I don't believe in ghosts.
[04:36] Shachi
    Why would a pajama kid be walking around with a prisoner?!
[04:39] Shachi
    And who cares if you believe in ghosts?!
[04:40] Shachi
    What's that in your right hand?!
[04:43] Shachi
    What are we supposed to say if they find us?!
[04:45] C
    Hey! What are you guys doing?!
[04:48] D
    Why is a prisoner here with a pajama kid?!
[04:51] C
    What's going on?!
[04:51] C
    Don't move!
[04:54] Shachi
    K-Keep it down!
[04:56] Shachi
    Or this pajama kid is gonna get it!
[04:59] Gin
    H-Help me pajama!
[05:02] C
    I see!
[05:03] C
    He's taken the pajama kid hostage so he can escape!
[05:06] D
    Wait, why is this pajama kid even here?!
[05:08] Gin
    Shut up! Everyone wants to be a pajama kid!
[05:11] Gin
    If you keep talking, these pajamas will be torn apart!
[05:14] D
    Stop! Don't hurt the pajamas!
[05:16] Shachi
    Why are you a bad guy now?!
[05:18] Shachi
    Raise your hands! Outta the way!
[05:20] Shachi
    Clear the path!
[05:21] Shachi
    Listen to me.
[05:22] Shachi
    If you follow me, you know what's gonna happen!
[05:25] Shachi
    These white lines will be completely red!
[05:27] Gin
    About face, then march!
[05:29] Gin
    Then go into the locker room and change into your pajamas!
[05:32] Gin
    Listen to me, if you button them wrong, you know what's gonna happen!
[05:36] D
    G-Got it.
[05:37] Gin
    Go!
[05:45] E
    We're on high alert!
[05:47] E
    Get the prisoners into their cells!
[05:49] B
    Were they really stolen?
[05:51] F
    I-I'm sorry...
[05:52] B
    Apologizing isn't going to help!
[05:54] B
    Where's the warden?
[05:55] F
    Well, he's out right now.
[05:55] N
    They've been found out...
[05:57] B
    Damn, why now?!
[05:58] C
    Come in.
[06:01] C
    This is the warden speaking.
[06:04] B
    The warden?
[06:05] C
    Yes, I wanted everyone to gather in one place.
[06:09] B
    Who are you?!
[06:10] B
    You're not the warden!
[06:11] C
    I'm the warden.
[06:13] C
    But I'm not feeling well,
[06:17] C
    so someone else is doing the talking for me.
[06:23] A
    W-Warden!
[06:25] C
    Welcome to our land, guards.
SIGN    Warden's Office
[06:31] Shachi
    This is bad, Bro!
[06:32] Shachi
    We need to hurry!
[06:34] Shachi
    Damn! I can't find anything incriminating!
[06:37] Shachi
    Bro!
[06:38] Gin
    I had the kids on the outside do some research.
[06:41] Gin
    I gave them one of the letters the old man's been getting
[06:44] Gin
    and told them to check the address.
[06:46] Shachi
    Why are you bringing this up now, Bro?
[06:49] Gin
    They went to the address to see his son.
[06:52] Gin
    But they didn't find him.
[06:54] Shachi
    He wasn't there?
[06:55] Gin
    No.
[06:56] Gin
    And it wasn't just the wrong address.
[06:59] Gin
    He's no longer in this world.
[07:02] Shachi
    You mean...
[07:04] Gin
    His son died ten years ago.
[07:08] Gin
    Of disease.
[07:10] Gin
    He's been writing letters to someone who will never get them.
[07:16] Gin
    That would explain why he never got any responses.
[07:20] Gin
    But at some point, he began to receive frequent replies.
[07:25] Gin
    From someone who no longer existed...
[07:28] Shachi
    Who was it?!
[07:30] Shachi
    Were those letters written by a ghost?!
[07:34] D
    Our positions have been reversed, warden.
[07:38] E
    Hey, warden.
[07:40] E
    Looks like your own men hate you as much as the prisoners do.
[07:44] E
    Hey, if you don't come out,
[07:47] E
    we'll take out all our stress on the warden!
[07:52] E
    Watch closely.
[07:54] E
    We're going to beat the warden to death!
[07:58] N
    Stop!
[08:02] N
    Stop this nonsense. It's for your own good.
[08:07] E
    Hey, unlock that door.
[08:12] E
    Did you say something, old man?
[08:16] Gin
    For an old man who was stuck in prison for the rest of his life,
[08:19] Gin
    his son was the only light in his dark world.
[08:24] Gin
    But it was an illusion.
[08:26] Gin
    There was no light.
[08:30] Gin
    But you couldn't take that away from him.
[08:34] Gin
    When you're sitting behind bars, the whole world is an illusion.
[08:37] Gin
    So he gave him what he could.
[08:43] Gin
    That would explain why they only made small talk.
SIGN    From your son.
[08:51] C
    You're...
[08:53] Warden
    Bastards, you think you can get away with touching my toys?
[09:01] Warden
    I'm sending you all to the disciplinary room.
[09:11] Shachi
    I never imagined that the sick and twisted warden was
[09:15] ---
    doing this for the old man.
[09:17] Shachi
    He pretended to be the old man's son to hide his death.
[09:23] Gin
    If the old man is allowed to see his son,
[09:25] ---
    these letters will have been for nothing.
[09:27] Gin
    That's why he's been trying to get me to make trouble.
[09:32] Gin
    To get his clemency revoked.
[09:35] Shachi
    Why would the warden do this?
[09:37] Gin
    Beats me.
[09:38] Gin
    He probably doesn't know either.
[09:49] G
    Attention, criminals!
[09:51] G
    Open the doors and release the guards at once!
[09:54] G
    Or else you will all have your sentences increased!
[09:58] B
    You're the ones who locked us up in here!
[10:01] B
    We're just making ourselves comfortable!
[10:04] Shachi
    Shit, they started a riot!
[10:07] Gin
    The warden's wish came true in an unexpected way.
[10:11] Gin
    The old man's clemency ain't happening now.
[10:13] Shachi
    That doesn't matter!
[10:14] Shachi
    Those guys aren't gonna let the warden live!
[10:17] Shachi
    The old man's in danger, too!
[10:18] Gin
    Can't have that.
[10:19] Gin
    If he dies, there won't be anyone to prove my innocence.
[10:23] Gin
    Besides , I finally found evidence of his evil.
[10:27] Gin
    I'll make him pay for the crime of fooling a weak old man.
[10:32] Shachi
    Bro, was that your goal from the beginning?
[10:35] Gin
    Thanks for the help.
[10:38] Gin
    Now hide.
[10:39] Gin
    If you mess around any more, they'll hang you.
[10:42] Shachi
    Wait, you were using me for your own petty reasons?
[10:47] Shachi
    It's my turn to use you.
[10:50] Shachi
    I don't give a damn about the old man or the guards.
[10:54] Shachi
    But I can't let our sentences be extended because of one stupid warden.
[10:59] Shachi
    I'll act as a decoy and draw the attention of the guards.
[11:01] Shachi
    Use that opening to deal with this riot.
[11:03] Gin
    Wait, that's...
[11:05] Shachi
    Go crazy and get some more time tacked onto your sentence.
[11:08] Shachi
    Then we can continue to have a blast in this place.
[11:12] Gin
    Hey, wait!
[11:14] H
    Hey, look!
[11:16] H
    It's Shachi!
[11:17] H
    Get him!
[11:18] Shachi
    Catch me if you can.
[11:22] Shachi
    But it won't be easy to grab the sleeve of the king of criminals!
[11:27] H
    Your sleeves were ripped off!
[11:28] Shachi
    I'm counting on you, Bro.
[11:30] Gin
    Yeah, I got this, Buri.
[11:34] Shachi
    It's Shachi!
[11:37] G
    Damn! They used the commotion to run away!
[11:40] F
    Shachi's men aren't around either!
[11:42] C
    Damn! If the hostages escape, we'll be crushed!
[11:45] C
    Find them!
[11:51] B
    Warden, a lot of men have been injured.
[11:55] B
    We need to get them medical care.
[11:56] B
    Old man, hang in there. Hey, old man!
[12:00] Warden
    The prisoners want me.
[12:02] Warden
    I'll hold them here.
[12:05] B
    What?
[12:06] B
    But you'll be...
[12:08] A
    Are you trying to get yourself killed?!
[12:10] Warden
    Give this to the old man.
SIGN    Kuzunosuke Beri
[12:13] Warden
    It's the last letter.
[12:16] D
    Found ya.
[12:18] D
    Hey, what are you all doing here?
[12:23] Warden
    Move it!
[12:24] Warden
    If you don't hurry, I'll throw you into the disciplinary room!
[12:27] B
    Warden! We'll be back with help as soon as we can!
[12:29] A
    Don't die!
[12:30] Guards
    Warden!
[12:35] Warden
    Greetings.
[12:36] Warden
    I apologize that this isn't a letter from your son.
[12:39] Warden
    If you are reading this letter,
[12:43] Warden
    it means that I have disappeared for one reason or another,
[12:45] Warden
    and you are no longer receiving letters from your son.
[12:50] Warden
    However, you don't need to worry.
[12:52] Warden
    Your son is doing fine.
[12:55] Warden
    His work has taken him to another planet,
[12:57] Warden
    so it's difficult for him to send letters.
[13:01] Warden
    There is a lot of paperwork that has to be done
[13:03] Warden
    before you can receive mail from another planet.
[13:06] Warden
    I apologize that I was unable to continue delivering his letters.
[13:12] Warden
    I'm sure that you no longer remember,
[13:15] Warden
    but when I was first assigned this position,
[13:18] ---
    I was a complete outsider.
[13:20] Warden
    After causing trouble everywhere I went,
[13:22] ---
    my parents dumped me in prison.
[13:27] Warden
    The hardened criminals weren't going
[13:28] ---
    to listen to a clueless young fool,
[13:32] Warden
    and the guards resented me for my connections.
[13:38] Warden
    I would often find myself going to the oldest prisoner, you.
[13:44] Warden
    The rules of the prison,
[13:46] Warden
    methods for handling nasty prisoners,
[13:49] Warden
    the way to strike underhanded deals,
[13:51] Warden
    as well as the fact that the outside light was a ray of hope
[13:55] Warden
    for the prisoners in their dark cells...
[13:57] Warden
    I learned everything from you.
[14:01] Warden
    I can't say that I'm a respectable member of society.
[14:04] Warden
    I'm aware that I have nothing to be proud of.
[14:08] Warden
    However, you're the reason I'm able to stand
[14:11] ---
    on my own, unsightly legs.
[14:15] Warden
    All I could manage was to help deliver these letters.
[14:18] Warden
    However, I would be happy to know that they gave you hope.
[14:24] Warden
    There will be a significant delay before the next letter arrives,
[14:28] Warden
    but please don't forget that there is
[14:30] ---
    someone outside who is thinking of you.
[14:33] Warden
    Please remember that your son is not the only person
[14:37] ---
    who cares about you.
[14:39] Warden
    It was nice knowing you.
[14:43] Warden
    From the evil prison warden.
[14:46] C
    We finally shut him up.
[14:49] D
    Hey, we're not finished with you yet.
[14:52] D
    Excellent.
[14:53] D
    It's your favorite place, the disciplinary room.
SIGN    Disciplinary Room
[14:56] D
    This will make the perfect tomb.
[14:58] D
    Time to pay you back for all the abuse.
[15:11] Gin
    Hey, I have something to tell you guys who are
[15:14] ---
    never returning to society.
[15:16] Gin
    When entering someone else's cell, knock first.
[15:19] Gin
    That's prison etiquette.
[15:20] Gin
    Especially when you're entering the disciplinary room.
[15:23] Gin
    There might be a really violent criminal inside.
[15:27] All
    Son of a bitch!
[15:30] Warden
    B-Bastard...
[15:32] Warden
    Why are you here?
[15:35] Gin
    It's too early for you to die.
[15:37] Gin
    You haven't met your father yet, you stupid son.
[15:40] Warden
    Bastard...
[15:42] F
    Hey! Have you forgotten what he did to us?!
[15:45] Gin
    I haven't forgotten.
[15:46] Gin
    Let me handle this.
[15:48] Gin
    You've blown off enough steam.
[15:50] Gin
    If you still need some exercise, I'll be happy to take you on.
[15:54] Gin
    Well, warden?
[15:55] Gin
    Did you forget your promise to me?
[15:57] Gin
    If I make trouble, you'll set me free.
[16:01] Gin
    Now, who's the most stressed out guy here?
[16:04] Gin
    Let's start the first Tournament of Stress!
[16:07] Prisoners
    Bring it!
[16:09] Gin
    Welcome to my disciplinary room!
[16:13] F
    Warden!
[16:15] F
    Are you okay, Warden?
[16:17] B
    What? I don't see any of the prisoners who were rioting.
[16:20] F
    Over there! There's a prisoner!
[16:22] F
    Why is he in a western uniform?!
[16:24] B
    Hey, stop!
[16:25] B
    Where are you going?!
[16:26] Warden
    Enough.
[16:28] B
    Warden!
[16:29] Warden
    Set him free.
[16:31] B
    Huh?
[16:32] Warden
    These prison walls can't contain him.
[16:39] I
    The prison's really calmed down.
[16:42] J
    We got prison guards and prisoners sleeping next to each other.
[16:46] I
    They all need to relax.
[16:49] J
    Still, I'm surprised they haven't hanged us yet.
[16:53] I
    That's the thing.
[16:54] I
    I heard that we won't be punished.
[16:56] J
    Huh? Why not?
[16:57] J
    The warden isn't going to let us off.
[16:59] I
    Didn't you hear? The warden...
[17:06] Gin
    I heard that you're going to shoulder the prisoners' crimes.
[17:12] Warden
    I knew that it was risky to play with prisoners
[17:16] Warden
    since there are people like you.
[17:19] Gin
    What I did was nothing compared to your letter business.
[17:21] Gin
    You chose a kind illusion over harsh reality.
[17:25] Gin
    Since you made that choice,
[17:28] Gin
    you're obligated to keep up the lie until the very end.
[17:34] Gin
    But you got scared
[17:36] Gin
    that he would eventually find out you were lying.
[17:39] Gin
    So you gave up and ran away.
[17:43] Gin
    As a result, the old man's being allowed to meet up with his son again.
[17:47] Warden
    I no longer have the right to walk through this door.
[17:51] Gin
    You don't have the right to whine either.
[17:54] Gin
    You're supposed to be an evil warden.
[17:57] Gin
    Tell the old man the harsh truth and laugh in his face,
[18:01] Gin
    or keep feeding him illusions until the day he dies.
[18:03] Gin
    One or the other.
[18:05] Gin
    Make sure the old man knows your decision.
[18:07] Gin
    And then I'll forgive you for throwing me in the slammer.
[18:11] Gin
    Or else, I'll send your head flying and go back to jail.
[18:17] Warden
    If I'm an evil warden, you're a demon.
[18:22] Warden
    The old man never told me
[18:25] ---
    that it was so hard to give prisoners hope.
[18:30] Warden
    I don't know what I'm doing anymore.
[18:33] Gin
    True, you've been fooling the old man for a long time.
[18:38] Gin
    You pretended to be his son and offered him false hope.
[18:43] Gin
    But your feelings for the old man are no illusion.
[18:49] Gin
    Come on. It's time for the meeting.
[18:51] Warden
    Wait, I no longer...
[18:53] Gin
    No longer have the right to go in?
[18:56] Gin
    That's not true.
[19:01] Gin
    I have a criminal who's been
[19:03] ---
    accused of falsifying documents and identity fraud!
[19:06] Shachi
    O-Okay, get in here, maggot!
[19:08] Shachi
    The victim is waiting in the visiting room,
[19:10] Shachi
    you mother-licking insect!
[19:12] Warden
    Y-You bastards...
[19:15] D
    Yes, pajamas are the best.
[19:18] C
    I don't see anything happening.
[19:26] Gin
    Warden, time for some of the best prison role playing of your life.
[19:32] Shachi
    Listen up, you have ten minutes.
[19:34] Shachi
    Any longer and the chief will find out...
[19:36] Shachi
    I mean, you're not allowed to meet any longer!
[19:38] Shachi
    Got it?
[19:47] N
    Good grief.
[19:49] N
    We have so many nasty-looking guards around now.
[19:57] N
    I heard that you quit your job.
[20:00] N
    Do you have another job yet?
[20:03] Warden
    No, I'm searching still.
[20:07] N
    I see...
[20:12] N
    Well, I wish you the best of luck.
[20:16] N
    Try not to get yourself called an evil warden again.
[20:21] Warden
    Yeah...
[20:26] N
    Guard, we're finished.
[20:29] Shachi
    Huh? Already?
[20:32] Warden
    Wait, old man!
[20:33] Warden
    I've been...
[20:35] N
    Don't say anything.
[20:37] N
    We were able to make small talk, just like always.
[20:42] N
    That's all I need.
[20:44] Warden
    Old man, did you...
[20:49] N
    I read the letter.
[20:51] N
    It was better than usual.
[20:54] N
    But your handwriting is still ugly.
SIGN    Kuzunosuke Beri
[20:58] N
    Warden, I've always been writing letters to my son outside.
[21:05] N
    A son who turned out to have a nasty personality,
[21:11] N
    but that foolish son of mine is dedicated to his job.
[21:16] N
    I'm glad I was able to see you today.
[21:22] N
    Will you continue to write?
[21:35] Warden
    Yeah, I will.
[21:39] N
    It's a promise.
[21:41] Warden
    Yeah, whoever breaks the promise gets sent to the disciplinary room.
[21:47] Gin
    Ow!
SIGN    Next Episode: Speaking of Crossovers, Don't Forget About Alien vs. Predator
[23:30] A
    Next week at this time:
[23:32] A
    Sket Dance!
[23:33] A
    For real?!
[23:34] ---
    

E227 - Speaking of crossovers, don't forget about Alien vs. Predator
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Speaking of Crossovers,  Don't Forget About Alien vs. Predator
[01:33] Gin
    Hey, listen up, guys.
[01:35] Gin
    We have a special treat this week
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[01:38] Gin
    to commemorate the 26th
    episode of the new season.
[01:40] Both
    A special treat?
[01:42] Shin
    Wait, 26 is kind of a random number.
[01:45] Gin
    Basically, we were told to do
    a crossover with Sket Dance,
[01:49] Gin
    since the anime started at
    the same time as ours.
[01:50] Shin
    Really, Gin-san?
[01:52] Shin
    They're finally letting us do that too?
[01:54] Shin
    I figured that Jump and TV
    Tokyo hated our guts by now.
[01:58] Kagura
    Since we keep causing problems.
[02:01] Shin
    But now I'm nervous,
[02:02] Shin
    since I'm actually a pretty shy guy.
[02:04] Kagura
    What is there to be scared about?
[02:06] Kagura
    We've done plenty of crossovers.
[02:09] Kagura
    Have you forgotten when
    we shared the screen
[02:11] Kagura
    with Dragonball, One Piece,
    Bleach, and other classics?
[02:13] Shin
    Uh, those were just parodies
    we did without permission.
[02:15] Shin
    That would be one of the reasons
    I figured that everybody hated us.
[02:19] Gin
    Hey, don't get too excited.
[02:20] Gin
    This might be a crossover,
[02:22] Gin
    but our goal isn't to
    have a happy pow-wow.
[02:25] Both
    Huh?
[02:26] Gin
    Check out the data I've collected.
[02:28] Gin
    Pay attention now.
[02:29] Gin
    Sket Dance is a comedy
    manga with a school setting
[02:33] Gin
    that began running in Jump in 2007.
[02:36] Gin
    The anime began airing in 2011 at the
    same time the new Gintama began airing.
[02:41] Gin
    The Sket Dan is a school club that
    does odd jobs with three members:
[02:45] Gin
    The leader, Bossun.
[02:46] Gin
    The brains, Switch.
[02:47] Gin
    The straight man/muscle, Himeko.
[02:49] Gin
    The manga's pretty episodic with
    plenty of laughter and tears.
[02:53] Kagura
    Hold on, Gin-chan!
[02:54] Kagura
    Look at their time slot!
[02:56] Kagura
    It's 6:00 PM on Thursday!
[02:58] Shin
    Huh? Isn't that the old Gintama slot?!
[03:02] Gin
    Exactly.
[03:03] Gin
    In 2006, after it only took six months
    for us to be booted from prime time,
[03:09] Gin
    we spent the next 177 episodes
    defending that fortress,
[03:12] Gin
    and they just snatched it away from us.
[03:15] Shin
    Snatched it away from us?
[03:16] Shin
    It wasn't their decision.
[03:18] Shin
    There were obviously extenuating
    circumstances involved.
[03:19] Gin
    Well, as I'm sure you can see even
    from my vague explanation,
[03:23] Gin
    these guys...
[03:25] Gin
    ...are clearly trying to supplant us!
[03:27] Shin
    Uh, why are you trying to twist
    everything before the crossover's even started?
[03:30] Gin
    Clearly trying to overtake us!
[03:32] Shin
    Why are you repeating yourself?
[03:34] Shin
    Don't make false accusations.
[03:35] Shin
    It's pretty common to find a story
    about people doing odd jobs.
[03:38] Kagura
    And there are lots of examples
    of series with a trio.
[03:42] Kagura
    Like this.
[03:43] Kagura
    And this.
[03:43] Kagura
    They're all the same.
[03:45] Shin
    Uh, did you really
    need to bring that up?
[03:48] Gin
    Yeah, that's right.
[03:49] Gin
    It's not the same.
[03:50] Gin
    After all, one of them
    uses a computer to talk.
[03:53] Gin
    Their characters have more personality.
[03:55] Gin
    Compared to that, just look at you, Shinpachi.
[03:58] Gin
    Why do you talk normally?
[04:00] Gin
    You want me to kill you?
[04:02] Gin
    Kagura, why haven't you learned any
    genuine Kansai-style witty retorts?
[04:06] Gin
    Why haven't your boobs
    gotten any bigger?
[04:08] Gin
    Why are they shrinking?
[04:11] Kagura
    What was that?!
[04:12] Kagura
    You're the one who started
    off wearing goggles
[04:14] Kagura
    before they disappeared for no reason!
[04:17] Shin
    Why don't you learn how to Connect?!
[04:18] Shin
    Why don't you get yourself
    a twin brother?!
[04:21] Gin
    Shut up!
[04:21] Gin
    I'm not gonna wear those
    things around every episode!
[04:24] Gin
    Don't you realize the limitations
    of the author's drawing ability?!
[04:26] Gin
    That's why the goggles were removed
    from the beginning of the anime!
[04:30] Gin
    You should be grateful you even get any
    screen time in the opening sequences,
[04:33] Gin
    you worthless goggles!
[04:34] Shin
    Uh, are you talking to your goggles?
[04:37] Gin
    Besides, in Jump,
    characters with goggles
[04:39] Gin
    are sidekicks like Usopp
    and kid Konohamaru!
[04:43] Shin
    Er, Naruto was wearing
    goggles in volume 1.
[04:46] Gin
    And compared to the One Piece
    x Toriko crossover last spring,
[04:50] Gin
    Gintama and Sket Dance
    just lacks pizazz.
[04:52] ---
    It's a boring crossover.
[04:54] Shin
    That's not true!
[04:55] Shin
    And don't blame them!
[04:56] Gin
    Why did Jump bother with
    this boring crossover?
[05:00] Gin
    I guarantee that they're not
    trying to get us all buddy-buddy.
[05:02] Shin
    Then what's the point of this crossover?
[05:04] Bossun
    That should be obvious.
[05:07] Gin
    Wh-Who is it?!
[05:09] ---
    You don't need two Jump shows
[05:10] ---
    about people doing odd jobs
    at 6 PM on TV Tokyo.
[05:13] ---
    They're pitting us against one another
    because of our similar settings.
[05:20] ---
    To see whether the Sket Dan or you guys
    are more worthy as Jump's odd jobbers!
[05:25] ---
    Bastards!
[05:28] ---
    I think it's amusing.
[05:29] ---
    Let's go along with
    Jump's little scheme.
[05:32] ---
    We had to settle this sooner or later.
[05:35] ---
    Stop that, Bossun. Show some respect.
[05:38] ---
    They've been in Jump
    longer than we have.
[05:41] ---
    Sorry about that. He
    usually isn't so rude.
[05:44] ---
    He's a nice boy deep down.
[05:45] ---
    Stop acting like my mom!
[05:46] ---
    Bossun, that should be,
    "Stop acting like my ma!"
[05:50] ---
    You rock, Switch!
[05:51] ---
    You already know how
    to fit in this world!
[05:53] ---
    I mean, ya already know
    how to fit in this world!
[05:56] ---
    Don't just barge in here
    and start making fun of us!
[05:59] ---
    Pisses me off!
[06:00] ---
    You're destroying our characters!
[06:02] ---
    You're clearly set on crushing us!
[06:04] ---
    Hey, Himeko. Have they really
    been around longer than us?
[06:07] ---
    They seem really worried.
[06:09] ---
    Bossun, that's the secret
    to their success.
[06:13] ---
    They've spent years pretending
    to be the weak link
[06:15] ---
    so they can bash other series
    without any repercussions.
[06:17] ---
    Stop spilling the beans,
    four-eyed computer boy!
[06:20] ---
    Want me to nail down your enter key?!
[06:21] ---
    Spilling the beans?
[06:23] ---
    Why are you talking to yourself
    anyway? The hell is this?
[06:27] ---
    What was that?! You wanna know how
    it feels to talk to yourself?!
[06:31] ---
    Shinpachi, let him have it!
[06:33] ---
    What? Me?
[06:34] ---
    Fine then.
[06:36] ---
    H-Hold on...
[06:38] ---
    Recite the 12th clause of the
    Tsuu Terakado Fanclub creed!
[06:42] ---
    Taka-chin!
[06:43] ---
    E-Er, I'm not Taka-chin.
[06:46] ---
    You can't fool me,
    your childhood friend.
[06:48] ---
    I mean, look.
[06:49] ---
    What's up, Shin-chan?
[06:50] ---
    I'm Taka-chin.
[06:51] ---
    You can't fool me!
[06:53] ---
    Then I'll send in Teppei.
[06:54] ---
    Bossun, where are we?
[06:55] ---
    This makes it harder for me!
[06:57] ---
    Now, now. Stop fighting.
[07:01] ---
    Okay, Runny Diarrhea.
[07:06] ---
    R-Runny...
[07:08] ---
    Teach, Bossun-kun and Pachi-boy-kun
    made Himeko-san cry!
[07:12] ---
    I'm not crying!
[07:13] ---
    D-Does this mean...
[07:14] ---
    It can't mean that...
[07:16] ---
    I was cast as...
[07:18] ---
    Jugem Jugem Shit-Tossing the Life of
[07:20] ---
    Shin-chan's Two-Day-Old Underwear
[07:22] ---
    Balmung Fezalion Issac Schneider
[07:25] ---
    1/3 True Love 2/3 Hangnail Anxiety
[07:29] ---
    Betrayal Knows My Name Or Does It Really
[07:32] ---
    Ignore Calls Squid Dogfish 
    Halibut Trout-Cod Dogfish...
[07:35] ---
    This Is a Different Dogfish,
[07:37] ---
    I'm Talking About The Dogfish Shark
[07:38] ---
    Kaluga Angler Ray
[07:39] ---
    Yuuteimiyaoukimukou 
    Pepepepepepepepepepepepe
[07:42] ---
    Runny Diarrhea
[07:43] ---
    ...just for this?!
[07:45] ---
    Yes, just so we could do that.
[07:47] ---
    That's despicable!
[07:49] ---
    We get in the first word since our
    side of the crossover airs earlier.
[07:54] ---
    Now even in the parts of the manga
    where we parodied other works,
[07:56] ---
    people will think that
    you're copying us.
[08:01] ---
    Man, Gintama's desperate.
[08:04] ---
    I'm kinda creeped out.
[08:06] ---
    They aren't aware that
    in most decisive battles,
[08:07] ---
    the one who attacks first usually loses.
[08:11] ---
    Fine then!
[08:13] ---
    Let's make it clear which team has the
    pizazz to be worthy of Jump.
[08:17] ---
    This is supposed to be a crossover.
[08:19] ---
    Let's all get along.
[08:21] ---
    Hah, we'll show you that flashy battles
    and special attacks aren't everything.
[08:26] ---
    I doubt the viewers are
    going to appreciate this.
[08:30] ---
    Yeah, equally boring anime
    shows should get along.
[08:34] ---
    We should be glad that
    we're still on air.
[08:38] ---
    Shut up! This isn't just about our position.
[08:41] ---
    Our pride as odd-jobbing Jumpers,
    and our very existence, is on the line!
[08:44] ---
    You mob characters should just
    shut up and follow your leader!
[08:48] ---
    That's right!
[08:49] ---
    C'mon down! I got everything set up!
SIGN    Impact
SIGN    Amethystyx (Pachimon type) Capture Level -26
[09:12] ---
    Gin-chan, where are we?
[09:14] ---
    The Gintama world was already a stretch,
[09:17] ---
    and now we're in a place
    that's even weirder, Bossun.
[09:20] ---
    Okay, quiet down.
[09:22] ---
    Listen up.
[09:24] ---
    We're going to have a little
    scavenger hunt on this island.
[09:28] ---
    Why are you talking like a teacher?
[09:30] ---
    We're on Treasure Island, an island where
    shiny gems grow on everything.
[09:37] ---
    This sounds awfully familiar.
[09:40] ---
    There is a legend that every hundred
    years, the gems bear a very special fruit.
[09:44] ---
    I have a really bad feeling about this.
[09:47] ---
    Yes! One of the famous Devil Fruit!
[09:51] ---
    The Pizazz-Pizazz Fruit!
[09:54] ---
    Hold it right there!
[09:56] ---
    This is supposed to be a Sket
    Dance x Gintama crossover!
[09:58] ---
    But now we're in the Toriko
    x One Piece crossover!
[10:01] ---
    We might be boring, but
    that doesn't make it okay
[10:03] ---
    to steal ideas from series
    that have more pizazz!
[10:06] ---
    Toriko and One Piece?
[10:08] ---
    What are they babbling about?
[10:11] ---
    You must have had some of
    that Dream-Dream Fruit.
[10:14] ---
    They're starting to piss me off.
[10:14] ---
    Hopeless fools.
[10:16] ---
    They must have eaten
    the Argh-Argh Fruit.
[10:19] ---
    As you may have guessed,
[10:21] ---
    the Pizazz-Pizazz fruit can
    give the dullest people pizazz!
[10:25] ---
    Whoever finds it first,
[10:27] ---
    will be declared the winner of the contest
    with the flashiness worthy of Jump!
[10:31] ---
    I thought we were fighting over who
    had the pizazz worthy of Jump.
[10:34] ---
    But now we've given up?
[10:36] ---
    We're going to rely on outside help?
[10:37] ---
    I have a question.
[10:39] ---
    Does this Devil Fruit
    have any side effects,
[10:42] ---
    such as turning one
    into a hammer in water?
[10:43] ---
    It's fine. You won't lose
    the ability to swim.
[10:46] ---
    I see. So you've changed
    the setting a little.
[10:51] ---
    Only your crotch turns into a hammer.
[10:54] ---
    I see, that's good.
[10:56] ---
    Huh?
[10:57] ---
    What did you just say?
[10:58] ---
    Well, it's only your crotch
    that turns into a hammer,
[11:02] ---
    so you don't need to worry.
[11:04] ---
    I'm worried!
[11:05] ---
    Why is there a hammer down there?!
[11:08] ---
    Stop that, seriously.
[11:10] ---
    We're supposed to be innocent,
    unlike you people.
[11:13] ---
    We don't do dirty jokes!
[11:15] ---
    Himeko-san, I'll handle this.
[11:17] ---
    As the straight man, I'm used
    to this, so leave it to me!
[11:21] ---
    The hammer's upside down!
[11:24] ---
    It should be like this!
[11:26] ---
    Who cares?!
[11:27] ---
    Aren't you supposed to be
    the Gintama straight man?!
[11:30] ---
    Why are you acting like the funny man?!
[11:32] ---
    I'm not going to last long if I
    have to respond to both sides!
[11:35] ---
    I'm sorry, I thought I
    could let you handle it.
[11:39] ---
    Right. So who cares if
    it's upside down or not.
[11:41] ---
    If I have a hammer on my
    crotch, I can't get married.
[11:43] ---
    Are you going to take responsibility?
[11:44] ---
    Isn't that right, Kagura-chan?
[11:46] ---
    Why? What's the problem?
[11:47] ---
    A hammer makes a better
    weapon than a hockey stick.
[11:52] ---
    I asked the wrong person!
[11:54] ---
    No, no! Think this through!
[11:55] ---
    You can't survive in this wacky manga
[11:57] ---
    when you have a hammer on your crotch!
[12:00] ---
    You don't need to worry.
[12:01] ---
    If you grow a hammer down there,
    Bossun will boss into a nail for you.
[12:06] ---
    What the hell?
[12:07] ---
    What's that mean?
[12:07] ---
    Why would I boss into a nail?
[12:10] ---
    Hey, bitch. Enough already.
[12:13] ---
    Did you call me a bitch?!
[12:14] ---
    You aren't in your puny
    little school anymore.
[12:17] ---
    In this world, your crotch
    can grow into a screwdriver
[12:20] ---
    or your balls can get
    crushed at any time.
[12:23] ---
    What kind of world is this?
[12:24] ---
    If you want to do odd jobs,
[12:25] ---
    you gotta be ready for your
    crotch to do odd jobs.
[12:28] ---
    That's not how it's supposed to work!
[12:30] ---
    Oh, really?
[12:32] ---
    You're picking a fight with us when you
    aren't ready to get down and dirty?
[12:36] ---
    You shouldn't be so happy just because
    AKB did your theme song.
[12:39] ---
    It's not AKB anymore!
[12:40] ---
    Are you jealous?
[12:41] ---
    Say that you're jealous that we got AKB!
[12:43] ---
    Your token glasses character
    must be jealous!
[12:45] ---
    Not really!
[12:46] ---
    Fine then!
[12:48] ---
    I'll be the one to turn
    my crotch into a hammer!
[12:52] ---
    Uh, wrong objective, Bossun!
[12:55] ---
    No good. Bossun has lost his head.
[12:58] ---
    Your leader doesn't like to lose either.
[13:01] ---
    I want nothing to do with this.
[13:03] ---
    Don't come to me when you lose viewers
    because your crotch is a hammer.
[13:06] ---
    We'll just have to stand by and watch.
[13:08] ---
    Bossun has always had a complex
[13:10] ---
    about how he's too boring
    to be a main character.
[13:13] ---
    Yeah, I know what you mean.
[13:15] ---
    Gin-san always complains about how
    he should have a special attack.
[13:19] ---
    That's why it's so hard to make games.
[13:21] ---
    That's why Bandai Namco gave up on us.
[13:24] ---
    Oh, we're going to have that problem.
[13:27] ---
    There's always Hyperion and Genesis.
[13:30] ---
    Those are crap.
[13:31] ---
    We need something like Bankai or Stands.
[13:34] ---
    Oh, I've seen Gin-chan
    secretly practicing
[13:37] ---
    his Kamehameha two or three times.
[13:40] ---
    Ouch. Just ouch.
[13:42] ---
    Right. Bossun has that Connecting
    special power when he wears his goggles.
[13:47] ---
    But really, it just looks
    like he put on his goggles.
[13:51] ---
    Does he yell, "Goggles on!"
[13:54] ---
    He did at first.
[13:56] ---
    Kind of like how your guy
    wore goggles at first.
[13:57] ---
    They should stick to it.
[14:00] ---
    To be honest, I don't think
    it's about special attacks.
[14:03] ---
    Between his silver hair and that hat,
    he's tried a lot of things to stand out,
[14:06] ---
    but people with pizazz
    just have it already.
[14:09] ---
    Yeah.
[14:10] ---
    You can't be a main character
    when you complain to your buddies
[14:12] ---
    about not standing out.
[14:14] ---
    Luffy would never say
    anything like that.
[14:17] ---
    You're never going to hear him say, "I
    will become a main character with pizazz!"
[14:20] ---
    Yeah?
[14:21] ---
    That's why these guys just fail.
[14:24] ---
    If they're going to bother competing,
    they should set their sights higher.
[14:27] ---
    Really, does it matter who wins?
[14:30] ---
    They're in the same boat anyway.
[14:32] ---
    Indeed, their weak will is
    embodied by their weak goals.
[14:36] ---
    They don't have any goals like becoming
    the Pirate King or becoming the Hokage.
[14:40] ---
    I'm getting worried about
    throwing my lot in with him.
[14:42] ---
    He's too wishy-washy.
[14:44] ---
    I should have gone with a reliable
    main character like Luffy.
[14:49] ---
    I want Aya Tojo!
[14:51] ---
    I prefer Nishino.
[14:52] ---
    I prefer Raoh!
[14:54] ---
    Uh, none of those are main characters.
[15:00] ---
    Huh? They disappeared.
[15:07] ---
    Oh, they fell down.
[15:10] ---
    Hey, are you okay? Gin-san? Bo-san?
[15:15] ---
    I'm already...
[15:16] ---
    ...sick of this.
[15:17] ---
    They said something.
    But I can't hear them.
[15:21] ---
    I'm already...
[15:22] ---
    ...sick of this.
[15:24] ---
    They're the ones who
    ran off by themselves.
[15:28] ---
    What? You're giving up on
    finding the Devil Fruit?
[15:33] ---
    Let's go home then.
[15:35] ---
    We need to wrap up this episode.
[15:38] ---
    They really want attention.
[15:41] ---
    They're the ones who dragged us into this...
    what are they trying to do?
[15:44] ---
    Just ignore them and go back.
[15:46] ---
    I agree.
[15:47] ---
    I must return to my enjoyment
    of To Love-Ru Darkness.
[15:50] ---
    Uh, Himeko-san.
[15:52] ---
    Sorry about the Runny Diarrhea thing.
[15:55] ---
    Nah, it's okay.
[15:56] ---
    This crossover was new and fun.
[16:01] ---
    Like...
[16:03] ---
    Like, you guys don't
    understand how we feel.
[16:07] ---
    Uh oh, he's going to
    start monologuing again.
[16:11] ---
    It's not that we want pizazz,
    or that we want to stand out.
[16:16] ---
    That's not what drives us.
[16:18] ---
    We're doing this for
    the sake of our teams,
[16:21] ---
    but none of you even care.
[16:25] ---
    Yeah, yeah. Forget it.
[16:27] ---
    There's no point in trying
    to explain to them.
[16:30] ---
    Wait, I'm really upset about this.
[16:32] ---
    Don't you feel the same way, Sakata-san?
[16:33] ---
    He just called him Sakata-san.
[16:35] ---
    Forget it. Just forget it.
[16:36] ---
    Stop talking.
[16:37] ---
    I know how you feel.
[16:39] ---
    It's not easy being the leader.
[16:41] ---
    They're buddies now.
[16:43] ---
    Uh, sorry.
[16:45] ---
    Could you leave?
[16:47] ---
    Feel free to go join Luffy or Raoh or whoever.
[16:52] ---
    We leaders are going to
    do this by ourselves.
[16:54] ---
    This is bad. They heard
    what we were saying.
[16:59] ---
    Hey. Pull yourself together, Bossun.
[17:01] ---
    Can you stand?
[17:02] ---
    Uh, Gin-san. We're sorry.
[17:04] ---
    You've got it wrong! You've
    got it wrong, Bossun!
[17:06] ---
    We were just joking!
[17:08] ---
    We just wanted to give
    you a little push.
[17:10] ---
    It's not like you need
    to apologize or anything.
[17:14] ---
    Everything you said
    was absolutely right.
[17:17] ---
    An apology won't heal Bossun
    and Gin-san's wounded hearts!
[17:23] ---
    What's going on?
[17:24] ---
    I can't tell if they want
    us to apologize or not.
[17:27] ---
    They left. Should we just ignore them?
[17:30] ---
    They got mad when we tried to apologize.
[17:32] ---
    Those leaders are too hard to deal with.
[17:35] ---
    How naive can they be?
[17:39] ---
    Hmm? They're not moving forward.
[17:42] ---
    They're walking in place.
[17:44] ---
    They're waiting for us to say something.
[17:46] ---
    What a pain!
[17:47] ---
    What are they trying to do?!
[17:49] ---
    Hang in there!
[17:50] ---
    Now they're acting.
[17:52] ---
    Where did Bossun injure
    himself?! His head?!
[17:55] ---
    Hey, this isn't good.
[17:56] ---
    They're not chasing after us.
[17:58] ---
    They've given up on us.
[17:59] ---
    Why?! Aren't they worried about me?
[18:01] ---
    They don't care about their leader?!
[18:03] ---
    At this rate, we'll lose
    our status as leaders.
[18:06] ---
    We have to find the Pizazz-Pizazz
    Fruit to regain their trust.
[18:12] ---
    H-Hey, look there!
[18:15] ---
    There it is!
[18:19] ---
    What? They just took off.
[18:22] ---
    Did they find the Devil Fruit?
[18:24] ---
    Pathetic.
[18:25] ---
    They've revealed their true
    colors and started to fight.
[18:29] ---
    Let go! I'm going to get pizazz!
[18:33] ---
    I'll become a brutal
    genius with an IQ of 300
[18:35] ---
    whose hair turns silver
    when my powers awaken!
[18:38] ---
    Over my dead body!
[18:39] ---
    The pizazz is mine!
[18:41] ---
    I'll become a space pirate
    who's lost his memories with
[18:42] ---
    a Psycho-gun on my right arm and
[18:44] ---
    travel around space with hot women!
[18:47] ---
    Almost there!
[18:49] ---
    So close to the pizazz!
[18:53] ---
    Who is that guy?
[18:55] ---
    That's a dangerous place to stand.
[18:57] ---
    Honey, forgive me for going on ahead.
[19:01] ---
    I can't do any carpentry
    when my hand's like this.
[19:05] ---
    Can't even hold a hammer...
[19:07] ---
    Damn it.
[19:09] ---
    But I'm healthy down there.
[19:12] ---
    If my crotch became a hammer,
[19:14] ---
    I could use my rapid hip
    movements to hammer nails.
[19:20] ---
    Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
[19:21] ---
    Hold on, gramps!
[19:27] ---
    Gramps! Your request...
[19:30] ---
    ...has been accepted!
[20:14] ---
    So in the end, neither
    of them got any pizazz.
[20:20] ---
    But there's nothing
    wrong with being boring.
[20:23] ---
    Yeah, that's right.
[20:27] ---
    They're great odd jobbers.
[20:30] ---
    They're great leaders.
[20:34] ---
    Hey, why are you so blue?
[20:36] ---
    Cheer up, guys.
[20:38] ---
    You looked good back
    there. I'm impressed.
[20:41] ---
    Let's call this a draw.
[20:43] ---
    Next time, we won't lose.
[20:44] ---
    Fine by me.
[20:46] ---
    Next time, we'll wreck you!
[20:48] ---
    To finish, you twist the story into
    something resembling a good ending.
[20:51] ---
    That's as Gintama as you get.
[20:52] ---
    Exactly.
[20:53] ---
    This way, you have a
    sense of completion.
[21:02] ---
    Uh, can you stop that?
[21:04] ---
    The episode's over.
[21:06] ---
    Were you really that
    desperate for some pizazz?
[21:08] ---
    It's okay.
[21:11] ---
    No, that's not it...
[21:13] ---
    When we threw the Pizazz-Pizazz
    Fruit at the old man,
[21:16] ---
    some of the juice sprayed out.
[21:34] ---
    Everyone, tune in next
    week for Carpenter Dance
[21:38] ---
    and Gin-Balls.
SIGN    Next Episode Preview
SIGN    Notice: This footage isn't real.
[23:15] ---
    Next time on Gintama,
[23:16] ---
    Odd Jobs suddenly appears
    in the Sket Dan clubroom.
[23:19] ---
    Wait, isn't this the preview
    for our episode this week?!
[23:21] ---
    Why are you showing a
    preview for our show?!
[23:23] ---
    And why are you showing fake footage?!
[23:24] ---
    Well, it just happened as I was
    following the original.
[23:26] ---
    What's that mean?!
[23:27] ---
    Is this really okay?
SIGN    Episode 26
SIGN    Next time: Spirit Dance!
[23:29] ---
    We're the academy support group!
[23:32] ---
    Carpenter Dance!

E228 - "Love is neither plus nor minus"
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    The new Gintama anime has been running for half a year. It's already been half a year? We've finally made it through half a year?
SIGN    The world may change around us, but  we're still rolling along here.
SIGN    Kodokan Dojo
[01:48] Shin
    S-Sis...
[01:49] Shin
    I-I...
[01:51] Shin
    I got myself a g-girlfriend!
[01:57] Otae
    What? A girlfriend?
[02:00] Shin
    I'm in a relationship with a girl.
[02:04] Otae
    R-Really?
[02:05] Otae
    I-I see...
[02:07] Otae
    In that case, congratulations, Shin-chan.
[02:10] Shin
    You approve of our relationship?!
[02:13] Shin
    I was up all night,
     worrying about telling you.
[02:16] Shin
    A-Actually, I brought her here
    so I could introduce you.
[02:19] Otae
    Huh?
[02:20] Shin
    Will you meet her?
     I'll tell her to come in!
[02:23] Otae
    Wait! She's here?
[02:27] Otae
    Isn't it a little early for this?
[02:30] Shin
    Don't worry. She's not that
    fussy about that stuff.
[02:34] Shin
    Come in, Momo-san.
[02:37] Shin
    Sis!
[02:39] Shin
    This is my girlfriend, Momo-san!
[02:42] Momo
    Hello.
SIGN    Love Is Neither Plus Nor Minus
[02:50] Kusano
    Right now, Edo is obsessed
    with the new game Love Choris.
[02:53] Kusano
    In this dating sim,
[02:55] Kusano
    the game is linked to the real world
    as events progress in real time.
[02:59] Kusano
    When you start the game in the
    morning, she says good morning.
[03:01] Momo
    Good morning.
[03:02] Kusano
    At night, she says good evening,
    and this is only the beginning.
[03:04] Momo
    Good evening.
[03:06] Kusano
    This game is made so well that
    Edo is filled with boyfriends
[03:10] Kusano
    who can't bear to
[03:11] ---
    spend a minute away from their little lovers.
[03:11] Shin
    Huh, that's not good.
[03:15] Shin
    If you waste all your time because
[03:17] ---
    you can't distinguish
    between game and reality,
[03:19] Shin
    you'll never get a real girlfriend.
[03:22] Shin
    Isn't that right, Momo-san?
[03:25] Shin
    I wish we could share some
    of our happiness with them.
[03:28] Shin
    Here you are.
[03:30] Gin
    It seems that I'm not wanted
    here, so I'll be making my exit.
[03:35] Otae
    Hey, where are you going?!
[03:38] Gin
    And I ask you where your brother has gone?
[03:41] Gin
    He's trapped in some dimension
    between game and reality.
[03:44] Otae
    He showed up with that thing and said that
[03:46] Otae
    he wanted to introduce me to his girlfriend,
[03:48] Otae
    and he's been like this ever since.
[03:49] Kagura
    It's okay.
[03:51] Kagura
    When Sadaharu is in heat, he
    keeps humping stuffed animals.
[03:54] Kagura
    After a while, he'll stop.
[03:56] Otae
    That won't work! Shin-chan
    is in heat all year round!
[04:00] Gin
    You girls don't think much
    of Shinpachi-kun, do you?
[04:03] Otae
    Are dating sims supposed
    to turn men into that?
[04:08] Gin
    I wouldn't know.
[04:09] Kondo
    You see, Otae-san,
[04:12] Kondo
    dating sims are games where the
[04:14] ---
    goal is to score with the many beautiful girls who show up.
[04:17] Gin
    Why is this guy showing himself
    like nothing is wrong?
[04:20] Gin
    Why is he acting like he's
    been up there the whole time?
[04:22] Kondo
    In other words, this is
    the only way to enjoy love
[04:24] Kondo
    for men who have no luck with women.
[04:27] Kagura
    You would know, wouldn't you?
[04:30] Kondo
    In other words, the worse
    a guy does with girls,
[04:33] Kondo
    the more likely he is to
    get hooked on dating sims.
[04:36] Kondo
    So a super S-class cherry boy like
    Shinpachi-kun will stand no chance.
[04:38] Kagura
    A super S-class stalker shouldn't be talking.
[04:41] Kondo
    This game was able to completely
    hook a veteran date simmer like me.
[04:45] Kondo
    It is difficult to describe the
    destructive powers of this game.
[04:48] Kondo
    That's what my girlfriend Sayaka-chan said.
[04:51] Sayaka
    I'm Sayaka.
[04:52] Gin
    Those destructive powers did a number on you.
[04:54] Otae
    Th-This can't be!
[04:55] Otae
    Does that mean Shin-chan might
    never return from the dark side?!
[05:01] Kondo
    Sayaka-chan!
[05:04] Gin
    Did you try to make contact?
[05:06] Otae
    Yes, I was looking for a chance
    to take the game away from him...
[05:10] Shin
    What are you doing?
[05:12] Shin
    Please don't touch Momo-san!
[05:14] Kondo
    He's so mentally unstable that he
    thinks the game is his girlfriend.
[05:19] Kondo
    If you want to reach out to him,
[05:21] ---
    you must join him in his little world!
[05:24] Gin
    How do we do that?
[05:26] Kondo
    That should be obvious.
[05:27] Game
    Welcome to the world of Love Choris.
SIGN    Name
SIGN    Birthday
SIGN    Blood Type
[05:29] Game
    Please begin by inputting your name
[05:31] ---
    as the name of the main character.
SIGN    Gintoki Sakata.
[05:34] Gin
    Hey! Why do I have to play this crap?!
[05:38] Kondo
    To bring Shinpachi-kun
    back to the real world.
[05:41] Gin
    Don't give me that crap!
[05:42] Gin
    That'll take too long!
[05:43] Gin
    How am I supposed to get
    hooked on a kiddie game?!
[05:45] Kondo
    It doesn't matter if you
    get hooked on the game.
[05:48] Kondo
    You just need to be in
    the same world as he is.
[05:50] Gin
    Why don't you go talk to Shinpachi?
[05:52] Kondo
    You think Shinpachi-kun
    is going to listen to me?
[05:56] Kondo
    First, you need to choose
    one of the three heroines.
[05:59] Kondo
    Love Choris is a game where
    you win over one of the
[06:02] Kondo
    heroines and engage in a
[06:04] ---
    real-time relationship that
    is amazingly realistic.
[06:08] Kondo
    The first heroine is Sayaka Otakai-chan.
[06:10] Kondo
    She is the captain of the railway
    club that you're also in.
[06:13] Kondo
    An excellent student and athlete
[06:14] ---
    who's also Isao Kondo-kun's girlfriend.
[06:16] Gin
    Why are you part of her description?
[06:17] Sayaka
    I sure like you.
[06:19] Gin
    You just happened to choose
    her as your heroine.
[06:21] Kondo
    The second heroine is Momo Anigasaki-san.
[06:23] Kondo
    She's one year older than the main character
[06:25] ---
    and the helpful older sister type.
[06:27] Kondo
    Shinpachi-kun chose her as his heroine.
[06:29] Gin
    Why did he choose an older sister character?
[06:31] Gin
    That's pretty disgusting.
[06:32] Kondo
    You don't want to choose
[06:33] ---
    the same heroine or people will get jealous.
[06:36] Kondo
    Which means you're left
    with the third character.
[06:40] Kondo
    Pinko Shiramizu.
[06:42] Gin
    Wait a sec!
[06:43] Gin
    This character is noticeably
    different from the others!
[06:46] Kondo
    Pinko-chan is the owner
    of a Chinese restaurant
[06:48] ---
    that the main character frequents.
[06:50] Kondo
    She's a widow who lost her
    husband, Takuzo, a while back.
[06:52] Gin
    This is obviously Pinko!
[06:54] Gin
    It's like she's from a
    totally different world!
[06:56] Gin
    Give me Sayaka-chan or Momo-san!
[06:59] Kondo
    Hmm, but they will be very difficult.
[07:02] Gin
    Doesn't matter.
[07:03] Gin
    It feels better when you finally land them!
[07:06] Kondo
    No, that's not what I mean.
[07:09] Kondo
    To choose a heroine,
[07:10] ---
    you have to shoot down the one you want.
[07:12] Gin
    Why is it a shooting game?!
[07:13] Kondo
    And it takes a long time before
    Sayaka-chan or Momo-chan show up.
[07:16] Gin
    The hell, it's like I'm
    Making It Through Pinko!
[07:21] Kondo
    Oh, now you've done it.
[07:23] Kondo
    You're stuck on Pinko-chan's route now.
[07:26] Gin
    There is no other route, is there?
[07:28] Gin
    How did you guys get normal heroines?!
[07:30] Gin
    Forget it! Let's just get this over with!
[07:32] Gin
    I'll just win over Pinko!
[07:33] Kondo
    But first...
[07:36] Kondo
    You have to decide what you
    want Pinko-chan to call you.
[07:38] Gin
    I don't give a damn!
[07:39] Kondo
    It's more fun if you have her call you by that.
[07:42] Gin
    If she wasn't Pinko, maybe!
[07:44] Gin
    Forget it! Gintoki will do!
[07:45] Gin
    This is good enough!
[07:48] Pinko
    Takuzo.
[07:49] Gin
    She's completely ignoring me?!
[07:51] Gin
    She didn't even say my name!
[07:53] Gin
    She's still stuck on Takuzo!
[07:55] Kondo
    But you can choose between the pronunciations
[07:58] ---
    Takuzo, Takuzo‘!, and Takuzo“!
[07:59] Gin
    They're all the same!
[08:01] Kondo
    The ones on the right are Takuzo.
[08:03] ---
    The ones on the left are Takuzo“!.
[08:05] Gin
    Another choice that
    involves a shooting game?!
[08:07] Gin
    They're all Takuzo!
[08:09] Gin
    Can I just start this game already?!
[08:11] Gin
    Okay! I can finally begin!
[08:13] Kondo
    Right, your next choice is about the
[08:15] ---
    catchphrase for Pinko-chan's
    child, Enari-kun.
[08:17] Kondo
    How do you want him to pronounce,
    "That's not helping, okay?"
[08:20] Gin
    Enough is enough already!
[08:22] Kondo
    You're going to become his new father.
[08:25] Kondo
    It's important to build a strong
    relationship with her son.
SIGN    Sengoku BABASAN
SIGN    That's not helping, okay?
[08:27] Kondo
    The right castle is "That's
    not helping, okay?"
SIGN    That's not helping, otay?
[08:29] Kondo
    The left castle is "That's
    not helping, otay?"
SIGN    Proceed
SIGN    Secure Weapons
    Secure Provisions
[08:31] Gin
    There's no way I have to
    play a simulation game.
[08:33] Gin
    I'm not wasting my time on this shit!
[08:36] Kondo
    Man, you don't know how to treat a lady.
[08:41] Kondo
    If you turn off the power without saving,
[08:43] ---
    your relationship will suffer.
[08:45] Gin
    Huh?
[08:46] Kondo
    For example, my game shut down abruptly when
[08:49] ---
    Otae-san laid the smack down.
[08:51] Kondo
    When I restart the game...
[08:53] Sayaka
    Geez...
[08:54] Sayaka
    You just turned off the game again.
[08:56] Sayaka
    What was that for?
[08:56] Gin
    Huh? What is this? What is this?
[08:58] Sayaka
    I told you to be gentle.
[09:02] Gin
    What's with her? She's throwing a fit.
[09:05] Kondo
    Sorry! Forgive me!
[09:08] Sayaka
    You want me to forgive you?
[09:09] Sayaka
    Then you have to kiss me ten times.
SIGN    I'm not jealous or anything.
[09:13] Kondo
    Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!
    Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!
[09:20] Sayaka
    I love you, Isao-kun!
[09:22] Kondo
    And I love you, Sayaka-chan!
[09:26] Kondo
    Do you understand the capabilities
    of Love Choris now?
[09:29] Kondo
    They're breathing on the
    other side of the screen.
[09:32] Gin
    B-But they're 2D.
[09:35] Gin
    You should look at yourself in the
    mirror. I guarantee you'll cry.
[09:38] Kondo
    Don't be so stubborn.
[09:39] Kondo
    Apologize and patch up your relationship.
[09:42] Gin
    I-It's not worth it.
[09:43] Gin
    I mean, my girlfriend is Pinko.
[09:45] Kondo
    The girls change according
    to the player's preference.
[09:49] Kondo
    That's the best thing about Love Choris.
[09:52] Kondo
    She might be Pinko now,
[09:53] Kondo
    but eventually, she may turn
    into the girl of your dreams.
[09:56] Gin
    No, no, no. We're talking 2D here.
[09:59] Gin
    Well, I guess...
[10:00] Gin
    If you really insist, I
    might give it another shot.
[10:05] Gin
    So, what do I do after I turn it on?
[10:08] Kondo
    Didn't you see what happened in my case?
[10:10] Kondo
    My girlfriend gave me the cold shoulder
[10:11] Kondo
    because I suddenly turned off the game.
[10:14] Kondo
    You need to do some sucking up.
[10:17] Pinko
    That was just despicable how
    you turned off the game.
[10:20] Gin
    You're right.
[10:21] ---
    She's so mad that she won't even look at me.
[10:22] Gin
    That's amazing.
[10:23] Pinko
    It's all your fault... All your fault...
SIGN    Her Enari is cold and stiff now.
[10:29] Gin
    Hey!
[10:30] Gin
    Cold shoulder?! More like cold Enari!
[10:33] Gin
    I can't fix this now!
[10:37] Kondo
    It looks like you were too violent
    when you turned off the game.
[10:40] Kondo
    Just apologize.
[10:41] Gin
    Uh, an apology isn't going to help!
[10:44] Enari
    You want me to forgive you?
[10:46] Gin
    I-I'm sorry! Please forgive me!
[10:49] Gin
    I didn't mean any harm!
[10:51] Pinko
    Then recite the Heart
    Sutra one hundred times!
[10:56] Gin
    No!
[10:58] Gin
    Why is my Love Choris so different?!
[11:00] Gin
    This isn't a dating sim!
    This is Resident Evil!
[11:04] Gin
    Her son died.
[11:06] Gin
    You should wait until she's
    gotten over the loss.
[11:09] Gin
    Uh, doesn't this game move in real time?!
[11:11] Gin
    I can't wait two years!
[11:13] Kondo
    Well, in any case,
[11:15] Kondo
    keep working on winning
    the heart of Pinko-chan.
[11:18] Kondo
    Do your best to turn her
    into your ideal girlfriend.
[11:21] Gin
    Isn't this enough already?
[11:22] Gin
    I should be able to communicate
    with Shinpachi now.
[11:28] Kondo
    You really think that this
    will be enough to save
[11:30] Kondo
    Shinpachi-kun from the world of Love Choris?
SIGN    Love Choris The My Wife World Tournament
[11:35] Kondo
    You should enter this tournament!
[11:37] Gin
    Th-This is...
[11:39] Gin
    The My Wife World Tournament?
[11:42] Kondo
    Love Choris players from all over the country
[11:45] Kondo
    will gather to determine
    whose girlfriend is the best!
[11:48] Kondo
    You must defeat Shinpachi-kun
    in this tournament.
[11:50] Kondo
    That is the only way to bring him
[11:52] Kondo
    out of his dream and back to the real world.
[11:55] Kondo
    You must shatter his fantasy...
[11:59] Kondo
    ...by using your own fantasy!
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[12:05] Pinko
    Wake up!
[12:06] Pinko
    It's morning!
[12:08] Pinko
    How long are you going to sleep?
[12:11] Gin
    Why are you so loud every morning?
[12:14] Gin
    I get to decide when I'm going to wake up.
[12:17] Pinko
    It must be nice to wake up
    and go to sleep every day.
[12:23] Pinko
    But my son...
[12:25] Pinko
    ...will never wake up again!
[12:28] Gin
    No more! I've had enough!
[12:33] Kondo
    Listen to me.
[12:34] Kondo
    You must keep Love Choris
    by your side at all times,
[12:36] Kondo
    including when you're eating and sleeping.
[12:38] Kondo
    This will help strengthen your bond.
[12:40] Gin
    I did what he said.
[12:41] Gin
    It's already the day of the tournament,
[12:43] Gin
    but there hasn't been any improvement.
[12:45] Gin
    Enari is decomposing in real time!
[12:48] Gin
    And this woman is cursing me 24/7.
[12:48] Pinko
    I wish you would suffer 
    the same fate as my son.
[12:51] Gin
    How is this a dating sim?!
[12:54] Gin
    No more!
[12:56] Gin
    Kagura's starting to look at me with disgust.
[12:58] Gin
    Screw Shinpachi and this tournament!
[13:01] Pinko
    I feel the same way.
[13:04] Pinko
    Why would I fall in love with the man
[13:06] Pinko
    who killed my son?
[13:09] Pinko
    Honestly, this isn't funny.
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[13:21] Kagura
    Gin-chan, Shinpachi wanted
    to take the day off.
[13:24] Gin
    Oh, really.
[13:25] Kagura
    What's going on, anyway?
[13:27] Kagura
    Aren't you also playing that dating sim, Gin-chan?
[13:30] Gin
    Uh huh.
[13:31] Kagura
    Is it really that good?
[13:33] Gin
    Well, I'm a grown-up now,
[13:36] Gin
    so I can't really say.
[13:37] Kagura
    Yeah, it's like not like they're jumping
    out of the screen or anything.
[13:41] Kagura
    I don't get it.
[13:43] Gin
    Yeah...
[13:44] Gin
    I don't get it either.
[13:47] Kagura
    This is why men are called herbivores and
[13:50] Kagura
    considered weaker than women now.
[13:53] Gin
    I know. Me and my sweet
    tooth don't get it either.
[13:59] Kagura
    Sadaharu, pipe down.
[14:02] Kagura
    This is how he acts when
    there are strangers here.
[14:06] Kagura
    Stop that, Sadaharu!
[14:08] Kagura
    Gin-chan, Sadaharu won't stop barking.
[14:11] Kagura
    Ah, Gin-chan!
[14:17] Gin
    What the hell...
[14:18] Gin
    What the hell is going on?!
[14:20] Gin
    Everywhere I go! Everywhere I go!
[14:22] Gin
    Pinko and Enari are there!
[14:26] Gin
    It's like I'm really Making
    It Through with Pinko!
[14:30] Gin
    Damn, what's wrong with me?
[14:33] Kondo
    Hey, Odd Jobs!
[14:35] Gin
    Gorilla!
[14:36] Kondo
    What are you doing here?
[14:37] Kondo
    The tournament is today.
[14:38] Kondo
    Want a ride?
[14:40] Gin
    S-Sorry, I appreciate this.
[14:43] Kondo
    What's wrong? Why are you so flustered?
[14:45] Gin
    Well, there's something
    crazy chasing me around.
[14:48] Kondo
    Something crazy?
[14:49] Sayaka
    Oh, no! I'm so scared, Isao-kun!
[14:51] Kondo
    Everything's okay, Sayaka-chan.
[14:53] Gin
    Hey! What is this?!
[14:55] Gin
    Hey!
[14:56] Gin
    Why is your girlfriend out
    in the real world, too?!
[14:59] Kondo
    It appears that you can finally see them.
[15:02] Gin
    I can finally see them?!
[15:03] Gin
    Don't tell me that...
[15:04] Kondo
    Of course, I can see Sayaka-chan.
[15:07] Kondo
    And I can also see your
    girlfriend, Pinko-chan.
[15:11] Kondo
    I knew you could make it to this stage.
[15:15] Kondo
    Other people may think that
    we're just playing a game,
[15:17] Sayaka
    I love you, Isao-kun!
[15:19] Kondo
    but this world where we can
[15:21] ---
    see the manifestations of our girlfriends...
[15:23] Kondo
    A world only accessible to those
    who have mastered Love Choris...
[15:26] Kondo
    The dimension between game and reality...
[15:29] Kondo
    Love Choris Hole!
[15:31] Gin
    We're just insane!
[15:32] Gin
    Love Choris Hole?!
[15:34] Gin
    All this means is that
    we've spent so much time
[15:36] Gin
    playing games that we're hallucinating!
[15:38] Kondo
    You're finally on the same
    level as Shinpachi-kun.
[15:42] Gin
    That's a bad thing!
[15:43] Gin
    This ain't funny!
[15:44] Gin
    This is no longer about saving Shinpachi!
[15:47] Gin
    Hey, let me out at the hospital!
[15:48] Kondo
    It's true that from the
    perspective of the real world,
[15:51] Kondo
    we have lost our minds.
[15:53] Kondo
    But where are we heading?
[15:56] Kondo
    Yes, to an otherworldly
    battlefield of warriors who are
[15:59] ---
    trapped in their fantasies.
SIGN    Love Choris
    The My Wife World Tournament
[16:01] Kondo
    There, fantasy becomes reality!
[16:05] Gin
    This is one creepy tournament!
[16:08] Gin
    They're all in the Love Choris
    Hole like nothing's wrong!
[16:10] Gin
    They've all been hit by a Dazzle spell!
[16:12] Kondo
    A person who hasn't reached the Love Choris Hole
[16:15] Kondo
    is like a Soul Reaper in the Soul
    Society who can't Bankai.
[16:18] Gin
    It's supposed to be cool?!
[16:20] Gin
    In the real world, these people
    would be considered total failures!
[16:22] Kondo
    These people have reached a high level.
[16:25] Kondo
    They have completed their ideal girlfriends.
[16:29] Kondo
    But your girlfriend is also standing out.
[16:33] Gin
    And not in a good way!
[16:35] Gin
    There's no way I can win!
[16:37] Enari
    That's not helping, okay?
[16:42] Gin
    Of course not.
[16:42] Gin
    Because you're dead.
[16:43] Gin
    Could you please shut up?
[16:45] Gin
    You're scaring me.
[16:45] Kondo
    However, she's gradually approaching
    your ideal girlfriend.
[16:50] Pinko
    Watch your back.
[16:52] Pinko
    I'm gonna avenge Enari.
[16:55] Gin
    You sure about that?
[16:56] Kondo
    I see. This would be that
    new yandere fad, right?
[17:00] Gin
    Hell no!
[17:01] Gin
    All I see is a psycho old lady
    and a decomposing Enari-kun!
[17:04] Gin
    Hey, I'll trade the decomposing
    Enari for your Sayaka-chan.
[17:08] Sayaka
    No, I like, want Isao-kun.
[17:10] Kondo
    I know, right?
[17:12] Gin
    Why is this bitch so cute?
[17:14] Gin
    Your boyfriend was a
    yandere in the real world!
[17:16] Gin
    Couldn't keep a lid on his load!
[17:19] Kondo
    Hey! Don't say that stuff to Sayaka-chan!
[17:22] A
    Hey, now. They're starting a fight.
[17:26] Kyubei
    Stop this.
[17:27] Kyubei
    This is not a place for being
    jealous of someone else's love.
[17:30] Kyubei
    It's a place to be proud of your own love.
[17:33] Gin
    You're...
[17:34] Kondo
    Is it...
[17:35] Gin
    Kyubei...
[17:36] Both
    Who the hell are you?!
[17:37] Gin
    It's Pinko!
[17:38] Gin
    A Pinko who's based off Kyubei!
[17:40] Tojo
    Lady!
[17:41] Kyubei
    Ayu-tan!
[17:44] Kyubei
    Where did you go?
[17:46] Tojo
    You're the one who let go of
    my hand, and then I got lost!
[17:55] Tojo
    Wh-Wh-Wha-
[17:56] Tojo
    What are you people doing here?!
[17:59] Gin
    Yeah, that's what I was about to ask.
[18:01] Gin
    And so...
[18:03] Gin
    Is that supposed to be Kyubei-kun?
[18:04] Tojo
    No way! Absolutely not!
[18:07] Gin
    Uh, it's Kyubei.
[18:08] Gin
    You obviously failed,
[18:09] Gin
    but you clearly based this
    sad monster off of Kyubei.
[18:13] Tojo
    You're wrong, I say!
[18:14] Tojo
    I do not have any improper
    feelings for the Lady!
[18:16] Kyubei
    Yeah!
[18:17] Kyubei
    I'm not Ayu-tan's girlfriend.
[18:19] Kyubei
    I'm Ayu-tan's mama.
[18:21] Gin
    Oh, really...
[18:22] Tojo
    Hey! Stop talking!
[18:24] Gin
    Usually, you're the one looking after Kyubei,
[18:26] Gin
    but you actually wanted her to baby you.
[18:28] Tojo
    You're wrong!
[18:31] Tojo
    I was playing the game, and
    this just kind of happened.
[18:31] Kyubei
    Okay, time to change your diapers.
[18:34] Gin
    What kind of playing are
    we taking about here?
[18:36] Gin
    This tournament is messed up.
[18:38] Gin
    People's fetishes are on display.
[18:40] Gin
    And what do other people think about me?
[18:44] Gin
    Hey, let's trade girlfriends.
[18:47] Sayaka
    No, I, like, want Isao-kun.
[18:50] Kondo
    I know, right?
[18:51] Gin
    Cut that out, stupid girl!
[18:52] Gin
    That little act isn't cute!
[18:54] Gin
    Do it again.
[18:55] Gin
    Say, I, like, want Gintoki-kun.
[18:58] Pinko
    I promise to, like, avenge Enari.
[19:01] Gin
    I wasn't talking to you!
[19:02] Enari
    That's not, like, helping, okay?
[19:05] Gin
    I wasn't talking to you either!
[19:06] Gin
    If you don't stop, I'm gonna beat you down!
[19:08] Kondo
    Hey, Odd Jobs!
[19:10] Kondo
    Was there a heroine like that in this game?
[19:12] Gin
    Huh? Isn't that Sa-chan?
[19:15] Kondo
    Looks like her.
[19:17] Kondo
    Did someone want her as a girlfriend?
[19:19] Gin
    No, nobody would like that sick girl.
[19:22] Kondo
    But look, there's her boyfriend.
[19:24] Sa
    Where did you go, Pin-san?
[19:26] Sa
    Geez, you're not supposed to leave my side.
[19:31] Gin
    Who the hell is this Pin-san?!
[19:33] Gin
    Why did you turn Pinko into this?!
[19:35] Gin
    Isn't this a tournament for
    showing off girlfriends!
[19:37] Sa
    Hmm? I have no idea what
    you're talking about.
[19:41] Sa
    I'm the ideal girlfriend from Pin-san's game.
[19:45] Sa
    I don't know anything else.
[19:47] Gin
    What's this game called?
[19:48] Gin
    How to make annoying girls?
[19:50] Gin
    AKA Annoying Girl?
[19:51] Sa
    Could you stop that?
[19:53] Sa
    My boyfriend is Pin-san.
[19:55] Sa
    It's too late for you to be jealous.
[19:58] Sa
    It's your turn to suffer the way I did
[20:00] Sa
    when the one I loved had
    been stolen by Pinko!
[20:05] Gin
    Why is she here?
[20:06] Gin
    She's creating fantasy on top of fantasy.
[20:09] Sa
    Let's see if your Pinko or my Pinko wins.
[20:13] Sa
    Sit tighty-whitey!
[20:15] Gin
    Wait, that's not what
    this tournament is about!
[20:17] Gin
    What's wrong here?
[20:18] Gin
    Only freaks are using Pinko!
[20:20] Gin
    Let's trade girlfriends.
[20:22] Sayaka
    No!
[20:22] Sayaka
    I, like, want Isao-kun.
[20:24] Kondo
    I know, right?
[20:25] Kondo
    Just suck it up and win with your Pinko-chan.
[20:29] Kondo
    Sayaka-chan will always be mine.
[20:31] Kondo
    Even after death.
[20:33] Okita
    Oh, there you are.
[20:34] Okita
    Finally found you.
[20:36] Kondo
    Sogo, why are you here?
[20:38] Okita
    Huh? Kondo-san and the chief.
[20:41] Kondo
    Are you also participating
    in this tournament?
[20:43] Okita
    Huh? So are you?
[20:45] Kondo
    Of course.
[20:46] Kondo
    Don't you see my Sayaka-chan here?
[20:49] Sayaka
    Welcome back, master.
[20:52] Okita
    How did it feel to serve
    a man you can't stand?
[20:56] Sayaka
    It was very painful.
[20:58] Sayaka
    But when I realized that I was
    being my master's loyal slave,
[21:02] Sayaka
    I began to feel happy deep down.
[21:05] Okita
    Heh, bitch.
[21:08] Sayaka
    Please don't send me away again, master.
[21:12] Okita
    Well, we'll see.
[21:15] Kondo
    Sakata-kun.
[21:16] Gin
    I'm not gonna trade girlfriends with you.
[21:19] Kondo
    Please!
[21:20] Kondo
    Can you at least give me Enari-kun?!
[21:22] Enari
    No.
[21:23] Kondo
    What happened to your catchphrase?!
[21:25] B
    Wh-Who is that?!
[21:28] B
    Why is it so bright?!
[21:33] A
    I-It's a goddess!
[21:36] B
    Who is her boyfriend?!
[21:38] B
    How was he able to raise that girlfriend?!
[21:42] Gin
    Sh-Shinpachi?!
[21:44] N
    The day has come!
[21:47] N
    We will choose the best of the best from the
[21:51] N
    ideal girlfriends everyone has
    painstakingly raised!
[21:53] N
    The Love Choris My Wife
    World Tournament begins now!
[22:00] Gin
    Can my puny fantasy defeat his massive one?!
SIGN    To be continued.
SIGN    Next Episode: Making It Through Love
[23:41] Gin
    Next time:
[23:42] Gin
    Making It Through Love.
SIGN    The My Wife World Tournament finally begins.  Who feels the greatest love for his girlfriend?
SIGN    Gintoki is faced by difficult opponents in a battle  of fantasies. Will he be able to wake up Shinpachi?!
[3:05:07] ---
    -

E229 - Making It Through Love
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Who has the best in-game girlfriend?  We'll find out in the My Wife World Tournament!
SIGN    Can the power of Gintoki and Pinko's love  shatter Shinpachi's illusions (girlfriend)?!
SIGN    Making It Through Love
SIGN    Love Choris My Wife World Tournament
[01:44] N
    First, for the preliminaries, we'll need
    everyone to split up into three groups
[01:49] N
    according to their heroine.
[01:50] N
    So there will be a Sayaka group,
    a Momo group, and a Pinko group.
[01:55] N
    You will compete against the
    other members in your group,
[01:58] N
    and one victorious couple
    will advance to the finals.
[02:01] N
    That couple will represent
[02:03] ---
    their group in determining
    which heroine is best.
[02:06] N
    The one who best demonstrates his
[02:09] N
    girlfriend's charm during
    an in-game date wins!
[02:12] N
    Let the games begin!
[02:16] 132
    Allow me to show you the
    power of a girlfriend
[02:19] 132
    with over 5,000 hours of play time logged!
SIGN    Boyfriend's Perspective
[02:21] N
    Contestant #132 from the Momo-san 
    group has made the first move.
[02:22] Momo
    Shige-kun!
[02:25] N
    Naturally, his boyfriend and
    intimacy levels are both maxed!
[02:26] Momo
    Sorry to keep you waiting.
[02:30] Momo
    There aren't very many people around...
[02:33] Momo
    I can't hold myself back!
[02:37] N
    Hey! The girlfriend is jumping
    right into the action!
[02:41] Kondo
    That's what happens when
    bystanders are zero,
[02:44] Kondo
    points are maxed, and the
    heroine's mood is aroused!
[02:47] Kondo
    The French Kiss!
SIGN    French Kiss
[02:48] Gin
    Aroused?!
[02:49] Gin
    Is this supposed to be an erotic game?!
[02:51] Kondo
    It's so rare that most of the hardcore
    gamers have yet to experience this!
[02:55] 132
    I spent all that time
    preparing for this day!
[03:00] C
    Stop!
[03:01] C
    My poor Momo-san!
[03:03] Momo
    Please calm yourself.
[03:04] Momo
    Your Momo is right here.
[03:07] N
    Oh no!
[03:08] N
    After witnessing contestant
    132's passionate kiss,
[03:11] N
    the other contestants are
    crumbling one after another!
[03:15] N
    What do the judges think?
SIGN    Cute Factor 60 points
SIGN    Thrill Factor 95 points
[03:16] N
    100 points in the hard-on category!
SIGN    Hard-on Factor 100 points
[03:19] N
    A total of 255 points!
[03:21] N
    We already have a very high score!
[03:23] Gin
    Hey! Who let the gorilla on stage?!
[03:27] 132
    The Momo-san group is mine!
[03:30] N
    Oh! We still have a boyfriend left!
[03:33] Kondo
    Shinpachi-kun...
[03:35] Kondo
    That's...!
[03:36] N
    What is the meaning of this?!
[03:38] N
    They're on a date, but they
    aren't holding hands!
SIGN    Sensitivity Level
    Charm Level
    Boyfriend Level
    Intimacy Level
[03:41] N
    In fact, his boyfriend and
    intimacy level are below average!
[03:45] Kondo
    Impossible! After all
    the time he spent?!
[03:48] N
    Platonic!
[03:49] N
    Unlike contestant 132
    and his intense kiss,
[03:52] N
    this couple is in a
    platonic relationship!
[03:55] 132
    Victory is mine.
[03:57] Shin
    Uh, are you thirsty?
[04:00] Shin
    I can get you something.
[04:02] N
    He can no longer bear the silence?
[04:06] Momo
    I'll go buy something then.
[04:08] Momo
    What do you want, Shinpachi-kun?
[04:09] Shin
    Th-Thanks...
[04:11] Shin
    I'll have tea then.
[04:15] Momo
    Here you are.
[04:16] Shin
    Uh, Momo-san, there's only one...
[04:20] Momo
    I also wanted tea.
[04:22] Momo
    We can just share, right?
[04:28] All
    In-In-In-
[04:30] All
    Indirect kiss?!
[04:33] N
    Now this is a surprise!
[04:34] N
    They're countering the passionate
    kiss with a platonic indirect kiss!
[04:39] A
    Why?!
[04:40] A
    An indirect kiss isn't even a kiss!
[04:43] B
    But I'm getting really excited!
[04:45] B
    It feels more realistic than that other kiss!
[04:47] Kondo
    Shinpachi-kun, could it be?!
[04:49] Kondo
    It's certain that the contestants
    and judges here are all virgins.
[04:53] Kondo
    For them, a deep kiss is the
[04:55] ---
    stuff of fantasy like
    dragons and pegasuses!
[04:59] Kondo
    But an indirect kiss is different.
[05:01] Kondo
    I'm sure that everyone
    has played the recorder
[05:03] Kondo
    or tried on the track pants
    of the girl that you like!
[05:05] Kondo
    This is much more realistic than a kiss!
[05:07] Gin
    The track pants thing is just you.
[05:09] Kondo
    Is that what Shinpachi-kun
    is aiming for?!
[05:11] Gin
    He's obviously just another virgin!
[05:14] Gin
    How can you get so excited over
    an indirect kiss in a game?!
[05:17] Gin
    An indirect indirect kiss is
    basically pointless!
[05:19] Shin
    I-I'm sorry! I'll go buy another one!
[05:22] Momo
    It's okay.
[05:23] N
    Oh, no! He's made his girlfriend upset!
[05:26] 132
    Victory! My Momo-san wi-
[05:38] Momo
    I don't need it anymore.
[05:40] Momo
    My thirst is quenched.
[05:48] N
    Contestant 154 advances to the finals!
[05:52] N
    I can tell you without looking that
    he's achieved a perfect score!
SIGN    Cute Factor 100 points
SIGN    Thrill Factor 100 points
SIGN    Hard-on Factor 100 points
[05:55] Gin
    Gorilla! You just have a permanent hard-on!
[05:58] Kondo
    Rejoice!
[05:59] Kondo
    Love Choris holds infinite possibilities!
[06:04] A
    A god! We've been graced by a god!
[06:08] A
    Hooray for the virgin god!
[06:10] A
    Hooray for the goddess Momo-sama!
[06:12] Gin
    Uh, wouldn't the virgin god
    rank below the toilet god?
[06:15] Gin
    Below a god covered in shit.
[06:17] N
    Now, what has happened with the
    Sayaka-chan group at the zoo?
[06:21] Sayaka
    Hey, kiss me.
[06:21] N
    It appears that more and more couples
    are trying to avoid kissing.
[06:22] Sayaka
    Why won't you kiss me?
[06:24] N
    They've realized that this
    tournament can't be won
[06:27] N
    through wanton displays of affection.
[06:28] N
    Couple 230 appears to
    be frozen in place.
[06:31] ---
    What is their goal?
[06:34] Sayaka
    Ah, I'm so embarrassed!
[06:36] Okita
    Embarrassed?
[06:38] Okita
    Then we should show off your ugliness.
[06:42] All
    What kind of game is this?!
[06:44] Kondo
    Sogo! What are you doing
    to my Sayaka-chan?!
[06:49] Sayaka
    If you must use body painting,
    be sure to draw glasses too...
[06:53] Okita
    Yeah, yeah. Glasses, glasses.
[06:53] Gin
    What kind of request is that?!
[06:55] Sayaka
    And my skin can't get
    any air. It hurts...
[06:59] Sayaka
    Water...
[07:00] Sayaka
    Please give me water, Master...
[07:02] Gin
    Why does she keep requesting
    stuff she really doesn't need?!
[07:04] Okita
    Water?
[07:06] Okita
    This is all I have.
[07:08] Sayaka
    That's good enough.
[07:10] Sayaka
    I mean, please let me have some.
[07:12] Sayaka
    Let's drink it together.
[07:15] N
    Another indirect kiss!
[07:18] N
    Is the indirect kiss still the key,
    even under these bizarre circumstances?!
[07:22] Okita
    Good idea.
[07:22] Okita
    One is enough for the two of you.
[07:25] Gin
    Who is she supposed to share that with?!
[07:27] Sayaka
    What about you, Master?
[07:28] Okita
    I don't need it.
[07:30] Okita
    My thirst is quenched.
[07:31] Gin
    Your thirst for what?!
[07:32] Gin
    Quenched with what?!
[07:33] E
    Hey! I won't stand for this travesty!
[07:36] N
    Oh! The Sayaka group is upset
    by this shocking display!
[07:40] Okita
    Could you not interrupt
    our quality time?
[07:43] Okita
    Sayaka is enjoying herself.
[07:44] E
    No, Sayaka-chan would never
    enjoy this treatment!
[07:48] E
    Look at how happy our Sayaka-chans are!
[07:51] E
    Huh? Sayaka-chan?
[07:54] Sayaka
    I have returned, Master.
[07:57] N
    The Sayaka-chan group has fallen!
[08:01] N
    As for the scores...
SIGN    Cute Factor 100 points
SIGN    Thrill Factor 100 points
SIGN    Hard-on Factor 100 points
[08:03] N
    This is a surprise! A perfect score!
[08:05] Gin
    You guys will take
    anything if it's female!
[08:08] F
    How was he able to tame the
    strong-willed Sayaka-chan?!
[08:12] F
    This was the perfect way to nail people
    with a fetish for being cheated on!
[08:16] A
    A god! We've been graced by a god!
[08:19] Gin
    How many gods are you
    going to roll out here?!
[08:21] N
    The Momo-san group and Sayaka-chan
    group have their finalists!
[08:27] N
    All that remains is the finals!
[08:30] Gin
    Wait up!
[08:32] Gin
    There's still Pinko!
[08:35] Sa
    Why are you ignoring us?!
[08:36] Tojo
    Yeah! You're going to die without
    ever witnessing how cute the lady is!
[08:40] N
    Uh, they all receive 0 points.
SIGN    Cute Factor 0 points
SIGN    Thrill Factor 0 points
SIGN    Hard-on Factor 0 points
[08:42] Gin
    We haven't done anything yet!
[08:44] A
    Well, I guarantee there
    won't be any cute factor.
[08:47] Gin
    Screw you!
[08:48] Gin
    Why do you think I'm even
    in this creepy tournament?!
[08:51] A
    Then let me ask you this.
[08:54] A
    Do you really want to date Pinko-chan?
[08:57] Gin
    Uh, not really...
[08:59] Gin
    But I need to reach the finals...
[09:00] B
    Do you love Pinko-chan?!
[09:06] Gin
    O-Of...
[09:08] Gin
    Of course I do, bastard!
[09:15] Gin
    Huh?
[09:16] Gin
    Hold on.
[09:18] Gin
    Why does everyone look so
    serious all of a sudden?
[09:20] Gin
    Why isn't everyone laughing?
[09:22] Gin
    Why do you look so upset?!
    Why are you crying?!
[09:28] Pinko
    I'm not happy to hear that or anything.
[09:32] Gin
    Why are you blushing?!
[09:35] Gin
    Stop!
[09:36] Gin
    Please stop this mood!
[09:39] N
    I understand.
[09:40] N
    If you insist, we'll have you
    prove those words!
[09:44] N
    The Pinko-chan group will
    have their date at...
SIGN    Dream Castle Love World
[09:47] N
    ...Dream Castle!
SIGN    Dream Castle Love World
[09:52] N
    They will have their
    date at Dream Castle!
[09:55] Gin
    J-Jumping right to the
    hardest challenge!
[09:58] Gin
    Hold on!
[09:59] Gin
    The other groups went to the
    amusement park and the zoo!
[10:01] Gin
    Why are we the only ones who have
    to engage in physical activity?!
[10:03] Okita
    Well, time to show what you're made of.
[10:06] Gin
    What's that supposed to mean?!
[10:07] Shin
    Try to climb your way up here.
[10:09] Gin
    I can't!
[10:11] Gin
    I'm at the bottom of the ladder!
[10:12] Gin
    In the septic tank!
[10:14] Kondo
    Why are you getting scared, Joe?!
[10:17] Kondo
    Show them the fastest left
    straight in the world!
[10:20] Gin
    What left straight?!
[10:22] Gin
    I'm more limp than straight!
[10:25] Gin
    I have no tomorrow!
[10:27] Tojo
    I'm supposed to reveal how
    naughty the lady can be?
[10:31] Tojo
    That... That...
[10:33] Tojo
    That turns me on!
SIGN    Go on a date. Call her.
[10:35] N
    Contestant 311 has made the first move!
[10:38] Tojo
    Lady, my diaper feels icky.
[10:43] Tojo
    Can we go inside so you can change it?
[10:44] Gin
    Yeah, change his brain
    while you're at it.
[10:47] N
    The baby role-playing couple
    easily clears the first...
[10:52] Kyubei
    Can you stop that?
[10:55] Kyubei
    I don't do this stuff.
[10:57] Kyubei
    If you don't stop,
    I'll call the manager.
[11:00] N
    Oh! What could this mean?!
[11:02] N
    The girlfriend Pinbei-chan was
    actually a Pinko Salon Pin-girl!
[11:07] Gin
    What's a Pinko Salon?!
[11:08] Gin
    Why would he go to a place
    like that in a game?!
[11:12] Kyubei
    Hello?
[11:13] Kyubei
    I got this weirdo customer here.
[11:15] Tojo
    Ah! Wait!
[11:16] Tojo
    I'll give you another thirty thousand!
[11:18] Kyubei
    Manager, over here!
[11:19] Tojo
    Not the manager!
[11:21] Tojo
    Anyone but the manager!
[11:23] Gin
    Now it's turned into a fighting game!
[11:25] N
    Contestant 311 is in a match
    with the manager!
[11:28] N
    Now he must defeat the branch
    manager, the head manager,
[11:31] N
    the CEO, and then the last boss 
    Fri-beep-za, before he can return to his date!
[11:34] Gin
    This is a completely different game!
[11:37] A
    Look, Pinko absolutely stinks.
[11:39] A
    How can they stand her as a girlfriend?
[11:41] N
    Pinko-chan's reputation is
    souring by the minute!
[11:44] Sa
    That's absurd!
[11:45] Sa
    Don't lump my Pin-san with his Pinko!
[11:47] N
    Contestant 294 has made her move!
[11:50] N
    She forcibly transformed her
    Pinko-chan into Pin-san!
[11:53] Sa
    Let's go inside, Pin-san.
SIGN    Pin-san: Yes
[11:58] Sa
    I'm starting to get nervous.
[12:00] Sa
    How about you, Pin-san?
SIGN    Yes
    No
[12:02] Sa
    Please, you're such a cool player.
[12:04] Sa
    Why not show a little excitement?
[12:06] Gin
    Cool player?! All he
    can say is yes or no!
[12:09] Gin
    He's turned into a Dragon
    Quest main character!
SIGN    Yes
    No
[12:11] Sa
    Gosh! Don't overdo it.
[12:14] Sa
    We have a long night ahead of us.
SIGN    Strategy
    Keep using strong spells.
    Conserve magic.
    Pay no heed to HP.
[12:15] Gin
    Why would you change strategies now?!
[12:18] Gin
    Is that how it works?!
[12:19] Sa
    Um, excuse me.
SIGN    Welcome to the inn. It 
    will be 150g per go.
[12:21] Gin
    Why is the clerk the innkeeper 
    from Dragon Quest?!
[12:24] N
    It appears that she's hacked the game 
    so Dragon Quest characters appear!
SIGN    Did you visit the item store next door? 
    Don't forget to equip your condom first.
[12:29] Gin
    And what happened to being subtle?!
SIGN    Item Shop
[12:32] Sa
    Yes, we should buy items before
    we go on our adventure.
[12:36] Sa
    Oh, this is terrible!
SIGN    Cypress Stick
[12:37] Sa
    They only sell Cypress Sticks.
[12:39] Gin
    What are we supposed to use that for?!
[12:41] Sa
    We're supposed to go into a dangerous
    cave without any armor?!
[12:44] Gin
    Your cave is what's dangerous!
[12:46] Sa
    Let me talk to the manager!
[12:49] Gin
    Why?!
SIGN    The Manager has appeared!
SIGN    Fight
    Defend
    Magic
    Escape
SIGN    Normal Attack
    Special Technique
SIGN    The manager summoned help.
[12:50] Gin
    Do you have to fight the 
    manager in this game?!
[12:53] Gin
    And isn't this the same manager?
SIGN    Part-timer A has appeared.
    Part-timer B has appeared.
    Part-timer C has appeared.
    Part-timer D has appeared.
[12:54] Gin
    It's the same manager!
[12:56] Gin
    And why are you with them?!
[12:58] N
    Now they must defeat Part-timers
    A, C, the last boss,
[13:00] N
    and D before Part-timer B can
    become a full-time employee!
[13:04] Gin
    Who gives a damn about Part-timer B?!
[13:07] N
    Only one couple remains!
[13:08] ---
    Will they be able to achieve victory?!
[13:11] Gin
    C-Can we just skip this?
[13:13] Gin
    We're the only ones left.
[13:14] Gin
    We should advance by default.
[13:16] N
    Oh, what's this?!
[13:18] N
    Why are the finalists here?!
[13:22] Shin
    H-Huh?
[13:23] Shin
    We've gotten lost in a strange place.
[13:25] Shin
    I'm sorry!
[13:26] Shin
    Let's turn back.
[13:28] Momo
    Yes.
[13:31] Momo
    Then I'll make sure you don't
    get lost by holding your hand.
[13:34] Shin
    Huh?
[13:35] Shin
    But Momo-san...
[13:36] Shin
    This way is...
[13:38] Momo
    Shinpachi-kun, you see...
[13:41] Momo
    As long as I'm with you, I'm never lost.
[13:45] Momo
    No,
[13:48] ---
    as long as I'm with you...
[13:50] Momo
    Let's get lost together.
[13:53] All
    The sign!
[13:55] All
    That's the sign!
[13:57] N
    Shimura has barged into
    the Pinko-chan contest
[14:00] ---
    and taken an insurmountable lead!
[14:04] Okita
    Huh?
[14:05] Okita
    We've gotten lost in a strange place.
[14:07] Momo
    Then I'll make sure you don't get lost.
[14:10] Okita
    Hey.
[14:11] Okita
    Who gave you permission
    to walk in front of me?
[14:13] Sayaka
    Master, I have followed
    every one of your orders
[14:19] Sayaka
    because it made me happy.
[14:22] Sayaka
    But...
[14:23] Sayaka
    I want to make you happy!
[14:27] Sayaka
    I...
[14:28] Okita
    Bubera!
[14:31] Sayaka
    ...want to grind my heels
    into this filthy pig!
[14:35] Okita
    Huh?
[14:36] Sayaka
    Such a stupid pig.
[14:37] Sayaka
    Your weak admonishments no
    longer do anything for me!
[14:42] Sayaka
    I'm going to teach you true
    pain and pleasure, boy!
[14:46] All
    The sign!
[14:48] All
    We don't know what kind of sign it is, but
    Sayaka-chan has given some kind of sign!
[14:51] N
    Oh! Shimura is also joined by Okita
[14:54] N
    with a newly awakened Sayaka-chan
    as they step inside!
[14:58] N
    What's going on?!
[14:59] N
    Are they going to leave the Pinko-chan team
    behind and enter the finals alone?!
[15:04] Kondo
    What are you doing, Joe?!
[15:06] Kondo
    The bell has rung!
[15:08] G
    Seriously, what's wrong with him?
[15:10] H
    He should make himself scarce.
[15:12] C
    Nobody wants to see Pinko!
[15:13] C
    Get lost!
[15:14] All
    Go home! Go home! Go home!
[15:23] Kondo
    Stand! Stand up, Joe!
[15:25] Kondo
    The only one who can
    save Shinpachi-kun...
[15:27] Kondo
    The only one who can defeat
    Sogo and avenge me...
[15:29] Kondo
    The only one who can
    protect Pinko-chan...
[15:32] Kondo
    ...is you, her boyfriend!
[15:34] Kondo
    Teach them the true meaning of
    a boyfriend, a girlfriend...
[15:39] Kondo
    Of love!
[15:41] Kondo
    Now stand!
[15:42] Kondo
    Stand up, Joe!
[15:51] Pinko
    Hey, you knocked off my kerchief.
[15:55] A
    Th-That's...
[15:56] B
    I-Impossible...
[15:58] B
    Who...
[16:01] All
    ...is that?!
[16:04] Gin
    Who is she?
[16:07] Gin
    That should be obvious.
[16:10] Gin
    She's my Pinko.
[16:12] Pinko
    Let me go!
[16:14] D
    No way!
[16:15] D
    What's happened?!
[16:16] Shin
    Wh-What is this?
[16:19] Kondo
    He's finally woken up.
[16:22] Kondo
    There are times when a grown-up
[16:23] ---
    doesn't have the option
    to request a change.
[16:25] Kondo
    There are times when a grown-up
    has no choice but to stand erect.
[16:30] Kondo
    If virgins create illusions
    to escape from reality,
[16:33] Kondo
    grown-ups create illusions
    to fight against reality.
[16:36] Kondo
    Yes, illusions that are
    capable of altering reality!
[16:41] Kondo
    Love.
[16:43] Pinko
    Th-That's not funny!
[16:45] Pinko
    I'm not your woman!
[16:48] Pinko
    I already said that I'm 
    gonna avenge En-beep-ri!
[16:52] N
    Oh, it appears that Pinko-chan
    hasn't changed on the inside!
[16:55] Pinko
    Die!
[16:57] Enari
    Mom, that's not helping, okay?
[17:02] A
    En-beep-ri has also transformed!
[17:04] Enari
    I'm sorry, Sakata-san.
[17:06] Enari
    My mom needed to vent her grief
    on someone after losing me!
[17:11] Gin
    Except you're still talking!
[17:14] Enari
    But the truth is that she appreciates
    that you were always there for her...
[17:18] Pinko
    Hey, what are you saying?
[17:20] Pinko
    I was just tailing him.
[17:24] Pinko
    And it wasn't because
    I like you or anything!
[17:27] Pinko
    I did it so I could kill you
    whenever I wanted!
[17:30] Pinko
    Don't get the wrong idea.
[17:32] Pinko
    I don't like you at all!
[17:35] Enari
    Mom, I never said that you liked him.
[17:44] All
    A-A tsundere?!
[17:48] E
    What?!
[17:49] E
    How can such a worn-out genre
    feel new and refreshing?!
[17:53] D
    The impact of her tsun was doubled
    because she was originally Pinko!
[17:57] D
    The result is that the impact
    of her dere is also double!
[18:01] Enari
    I just want you to be happy.
[18:04] Enari
    You shouldn't have to bear the burden
    of a son who isn't even your own.
[18:08] Enari
    You haven't been able to live
    the life of a young girl.
[18:12] Pinko
    I am your father's wife.
[18:14] Pinko
    It doesn't matter if he's dead.
[18:17] Enari
    Your relatives forced
    you into that marriage.
[18:19] Enari
    You never even held hands with Dad.
[18:21] All
    Wh-What's that?!
[18:24] A
    Impossible!
[18:25] A
    A widow with a son, and
    she's miraculously pure?!
[18:30] Pinko
    But Tak-beep-zo was kind to me.
[18:33] Enari
    Yes, Dad cared deeply for you.
[18:36] Enari
    That's why he's wishing for
    your happiness from up above.
[18:40] Takuzo
    Pinko, go do it!
[18:42] All
    Tak-beep-zo has given his permission?!
[18:47] Pinko
    I-I guess I don't have a choice.
[18:49] Pinko
    If Tak-beep-zo insists...
[18:50] Pinko
    I don't want to do this, but
    I guess I'll go with you...
[18:54] Pinko
    But don't get the wrong idea.
[18:56] Pinko
    I-I'm not the kind of girl who would
[18:59] ---
    come to a place like this
    with a man I don't like!
[19:05] N
    There it is!
[19:09] N
    Sakata has shown us the power
    of an awakened Pinko-chan
[19:13] ---
    and gone inside!
[19:15] Shin
    An illusion to fight
    against reality is love?!
[19:19] Shin
    My ideal girlfriend will never lose
    to a grown-up's disgusting fantasy!
[19:23] Shin
    Isn't that right, Okita-san?!
[19:26] Shin
    Okita-san?! Okita-san!
[19:29] Gin
    Love isn't all it's cracked up to be!
[19:33] Gin
    Just you watch!
[19:35] Shin
    My love with Momo-san is eternal!
[19:37] Shin
    This is the end!
SIGN    The manager has appeared.
[19:42] Both
    Why is the manager here?!
[19:44] N
    Well, we can't actually
    show what happens next,
[19:46] ---
    so we'll use the manager instead.
[19:48] All
    That only makes it worse!
[19:50] N
    The final battle will be a contest
    to send the manager to heaven!
[19:55] N
    Managetris!
[19:57] Shin
    What's that supposed to be?!
[19:59] Shin
    After all that, I have
    to face the manager?!
[20:02] N
    Shimura has made mistake after mistake!
[20:03] N
    He can't mask his frustration?!
[20:05] Shin
    Damn! Damn!
[20:06] N
    Oh, and here comes the penalty!
[20:10] N
    A rain of managers!
[20:12] Shin
    This is...
[20:13] N
    Sakata!
[20:15] N
    He's calmly sending managers to
    heaven as though nothing happened!
[20:20] Shin
    Y-You don't love your
    girlfriend, Gin-san!
[20:23] Shin
    So it doesn't matter if her
    appearance has changed!
[20:25] Gin
    That's true.
[20:26] Gin
    But is it love in your case
    if you're so easily disturbed?
[20:33] Gin
    Women aren't going to follow
    the script like in a game.
[20:36] Gin
    The hottest girl around
    will still fart and poop.
[20:40] Gin
    Eventually, she'll age and
    become an ugly manager.
[20:42] Shin
    Uh, she won't turn into the manager!
[20:44] Gin
    If you love someone, that means
    you're ready to accept that.
[20:49] Gin
    Love is the resolve to create an
    illusion that accepts this reality.
[20:56] Gin
    When you love a cold machine...
[20:59] Gin
    If you can't show affection for
    the manager, humans, reality,
[21:05] Gin
    you have no right to speak of love!
[21:07] Gin
    This is my love!
[21:10] Gin
    56 straight Pinkos!
[21:15] N
    There it is!
SIGN    Winner      Loser
[21:16] N
    The manager has gone!
[21:18] N
    It's over!
[21:20] N
    Sakata has shown the virgins
    what adult love is about!
[21:25] Gin
    Stand up, Shinpachi.
[21:27] Gin
    It's not over.
[21:29] Gin
    This is a new beginning for you all.
[21:31] Gin
    If you were able to pour
    this much love into a game,
[21:35] Gin
    I'm sure that you'll be able
    to love a real person one day.
[21:40] Shin
    Gin-san...
[21:41] Gin
    That means you need to stop
    playing games and face reality.
[21:46] Shin
    Uh, well...
[21:47] Shin
    You're the one who
    needs to face reality.
[21:52] Okita
    Most people wouldn't take
    off their underwear.
[21:52] Sa
    Gin-san! Over here!
[21:55] Kondo
    We were on the verge of becoming him?
[21:58] Kondo
    We need to wake up.
[22:01] Gin
    Okay, I need to increase my
    boyfriend level so I can go
[22:05] ---
    on a trip to Atami next weekend.
SIGN    Game Over
SIGN    It Would Take Too Much Effort to Make  This Title Sound Like a Text Message Subject
[23:40] Kagura
    Next time:
[23:41] Kagura
    It would take too much effort to make
    this title sound like a text message subject.

E230 - It would take too much effort to make this title sound like a text message subject
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Kagura is broke, which is why she doesn't have a cell phone! But she wants to join in the text messaging fun!
SIGN    Kagura manages to get her hands on a cell phone and makes an unexpected text pal!!
[01:42] Mari
    So, that show was the best!
[01:45] Kagura
    Yep, Kadono Takuzo did a great job as the boyfriend.
[01:49] Mari
    Kagura-chan, that's a different show.
[01:51] Saki
    Maybe I should watch it.
[01:53] Saki
    But I want to start from the beginning.
[01:55] Mari
    We can watch it together at my house.
[01:56] Mari
    I recorded all the episodes.
[01:58] Kagura
    Yes!
[01:59] Kagura
    I can eat all the Happy Turns I want at Marippe's place!
[02:01] Mari
    That's what you're interested in?
[02:04] Mari
    I'll text you once I find out which day will work.
[02:06] Kagura
    Text?
[02:07] Mari
    Oh, Kagura-chan doesn't have a cell phone.
[02:09] Mari
    I'll let you know in person once I get her text.
[02:16] Saki
    Bye, Kagura-chan, Marippe.
[02:18] Mari
    Saki-chan, text me your opinion of the show after you watch it.
SIGN    It Would Take Too Much Effort to Make This Title Sound Like a Text Message Subject
[02:32] Kagura
    Sadaemon!
[02:34] Kagura
    Listen!
[02:35] Kagura
    Giako and Suneko were showing off their cell phones!
[02:38] Kagura
    These days, even babies are born with cell phones
    dangling from their umbilical cords!
[02:43] Kagura
    You never learn, Kagura-chan.
[02:45] Kagura
    Cell phones are useful, especially at work,
[02:48] Kagura
    but you'll need to check Gin-chan's four-dimensional pouch.
[02:53] Kagura
    But I can't just ask him directly.
[02:56] Kagura
    It would be so much easier if I could just text him.
[03:01] Gin
    You don't need texting when you can
    understand each other through your hearts.
[03:06] Gin
    I'm sure you can understand how hard a cell phone is on the wallet.
[03:12] Gin
    So shut that foul mouth of yours and sleep in the closet with me.
[03:19] Kagura
    Don't be fooled, Kagura-chan.
[03:22] Kagura
    Someone hacked into me and took control.
[03:25] Gin
    You can drop the act now.
[03:26] Gin
    Who sent you?
[03:27] Gin
    Are you a spy from the Steel Troops?
[03:29] Kagura
    Hey, don't say that! Riruru is our friend!
[03:33] Shin
    Can't you talk to each other directly?!
[03:35] Shin
    Why are you going through this convoluted process?!
[03:38] Shin
    If you have something to say, say it to his face!
[03:41] Kagura
    Mama, listen!
[03:42] Shin
    Who's your mama?!
[03:43] Shin
    Though my face is kind of similar!
[03:45] Kagura
    We're the only ones who don't have cell phones!
[03:48] Kagura
    At this rate, Odd Jobs will fall behind the times!
[03:52] Shin
    Did you hear that?
[03:53] Gin
    Enough of that!
[03:54] Gin
    Our bamboo-copter is running on fumes
    after paying for you and Sadademon's food.
[03:58] Gin
    I don't need a cell phone to know how everyone feels.
[04:02] Gin
    For example, Sadaemon wants to poop right now.
[04:05] Gin
    And Mama read my mind and prepared a newspaper.
[04:08] Gin
    So we don't need cell phones!
[04:10] Kagura
    That's just a daily practice!
[04:12] Gin
    If you insist on being selfish,
[04:14] Gin
    you can use the Anywhere Door to join a family anywhere else!
[04:17] Kagura
    Shut up!
[04:18] Kagura
    I'll use the Air Cannon to knock off that funny hair!
[04:21] Gin
    See? You know what I'm thinking!
[04:22] Gin
    I was getting sick of this round hair!
[04:25] Shin
    Uh, something's come out...
[04:25] Kagura
    Sadaemon, drag stupid Papa into your four-dimensional pocket!
[04:28] Both
    Huh?
[04:29] Shin
    ...of Sadaemon's four-dimensional pocket.
[04:33] Shin
    Cell phones...
SIGN    Doll House
[04:35] Gengai
    I checked the data,
[04:37] Gengai
    but the phones were busted to begin with, so I can't identify the owners.
[04:41] Gengai
    The addresses were all changed to ne.jpuripuri.
[04:46] Gin
    Well, they were covered in poop.
[04:48] Shin
    Uh, why would that change the addresses?
[04:50] Kagura
    So? Can we use them now?
[04:53] Gengai
    You can't make calls.
[04:54] Gengai
    The phone will add a puripuri to the end of everything you say.
[04:57] Shin
    Isn't that more impressive than a working cell phone?!
[04:59] Gengai
    You only have enough money for me to fix the texting function.
[05:08] Kagura
    Yay!
[05:11] Kagura
    Thanks, Gramps!
[05:12] Kagura
    Thanks, Sadaemon!
[05:15] Gin
    I don't want to carry around a cell phone that was covered in poop.
[05:19] Kagura
    Humans are always carrying around poop.
[05:22] Kagura
    The only difference is that it'll be in your hand instead of inside your body.
[05:24] Kagura
    Give me those.
SIGN    Odd Jobs
[05:27] Kagura
    That should do it.
[05:28] Kagura
    Now, we'll always be together, no matter where we go.
[05:32] Kagura
    You have to carry this everywhere, okay?
[05:36] Kagura
    Promise.
[05:39] Kagura
    If you get lonely, you can text me!
[05:52] Gin
    Man, why is someone calling me this early?
[05:56] Kagura
    Good morning. It's a beautiful morning.
[06:05] Gin
    What? It's already morning...?
[06:08] Kagura
    Good night. Sweet dreams.
SIGN    Bathroom
[06:19] Kagura
    Good morning. Your poop is very smooth today.
[06:25] Shin
    Okay, I locked the door today...
[06:26] Shin
    Huh?
[06:29] Kagura
    Good morning. Your poop is even smoother today.
[06:34] Gin
    There it is! That's the cat!
[06:36] Gin
    I'll circle around!
[06:37] Gin
    You kids stay on its tail!
[06:43] Shin
    Kagura-chan!
[06:45] Gin
    Hey! Are you okay?!
[06:49] Kagura
    I'm okay.
SIGN    Snack Otose
[06:53] Kagura
    Could you pass me the Kleenex?
[06:56] Kagura
    Does this come in an M?
[06:58] Kagura
    That M is for Michael.
[07:01] Kagura
    Not that Michael. Michael Douglas.
[07:03] Both
    Talk to our faces!
[07:05] Gin
    Why do you have to text every little stupid thing?!
[07:08] Shin
    And she's not even talking to us?!
[07:12] Shin
    She's talking to a clerk in some clothing store!
[07:15] Kagura
    No, this isn't a clothing store. It's a Michael store.
[07:20] Gin
    Hey!
[07:21] Both
    Cut it out!
[07:22] Gin
    Who cares if it's M or Michael?!
[07:25] Otose
    This is a surprise.
[07:26] Otose
    I wouldn't have expected her to be so enthusiastic about a cell phone.
[07:29] Gin
    This is more than being enthusiastic!
[07:30] Gin
    She sends us pointless updates every five minutes!
[07:33] Gin
    I'm sick of it!
[07:34] Cath
    Girls love to chitchat through letters and the like.
[07:37] Cath
    When I was in school...
[07:39] A
    Pass this to Catherine.
SIGN    Challenge
[07:41] Shin
    How long ago was this?!
[07:43] Shin
    And did everyone hate you?!
[07:46] Tama
    Sometimes, it's easier to say things through
    a written medium than talking face-to-face.
[07:51] Tama
    This may be the real Kagura-sama.
[07:54] Tama
    Are you replying to her?
[07:56] Gin
    We can't do that.
[07:58] Gin
    She's using text messages to talk to us now.
[08:01] Tama
    It's possible that she keeps sending
    texts because she's waiting for a reply.
[08:05] Otose
    Men always act cool and never say what needs to be said.
[08:10] Otose
    They expect other people to know how they feel.
[08:13] Otose
    But sometimes, women just want to hear those words.
[08:17] Otose
    Just send her a nice text.
[08:20] Otose
    Here, this is your chance!
[08:22] Cath
    Answer the phone!
[08:23] Cath
    Respond with, "I'm actually a pedo!"
[08:26] Gin
    I'll kill you, you rotten banana!
[08:27] Gin
    Shinpachi, it's all yours.
[08:29] Shin
    Gi-Gin-san!
[08:30] Otose
    Well? What did it say?
[08:32] Cath
    Move it, hag!
[08:33] Cath
    I want to see!
[08:34] Shin
    Hey, don't look at my phone!
[08:37] Cath
    Hmm? Where are you right now?
[08:39] Tama
    Wasn't she here just a moment ago? Why is she asking this?
[08:44] Shin
    Huh? Now there's a text from Gin-san.
[08:46] Gin
    Shut up! I'm at a pachinko-
[08:48] Otose
    It's cut off.
[08:51] Otose
    Was he replying to Kagura-chan?
[08:53] Shin
    He accidentally hit reply to all.
[08:56] Shin
    And he wrote his message in the subject.
[08:58] Otose
    So he's actually replying to Kagura.
[09:01] Cath
    Your wallpaper is gross!
[09:03] Shin
    Shut up!
[09:03] Shin
    Rotten banana on the ground!
SIGN    You have a new message.
[09:05] Tama
    Oh, there's another one.
SIGN    Where are you right now?
[09:08] Cath
    It's the same message again.
[09:09] Cath
    Wait, is something wrong?
[09:11] Shin
    Huh? I just noticed...
[09:14] Shin
    This isn't from Kagura-chan...
[09:16] Shin
    Who sent this?
SIGN    Return the cell phone.
[09:23] Shin
    Tell me where you are at once.
[09:24] Shin
    If you leak the information in those phones, you're dead.
[09:28] Shin
    It's from the owner of this phone!
[09:31] Otose
    They're threatening to kill you...
[09:32] Otose
    It must be someone dangerous.
[09:34] Cath
    What kind of information is in this phone?!
[09:37] Shin
    I don't know!
[09:38] Shin
    Gengai-san said that the phones were busted and there wasn't any data left!
[09:43] Tama
    In any case, you should contact Gintoki-sama and Kagura-sama.
[09:47] Shin
    It's from Gin-san!
[09:48] Shin
    Did they find him already?!
[09:51] Gin
    Shut up! I'm at a pachinko
[09:53] Gin
    parlor playing with balls!
[09:55] Shin
    He's picking up from where his message cut off!
[09:58] Shin
    What is he doing?!
[10:00] Shin
    He just gave away his location to everyone!
[10:03] Tama
    That means the owner will head straight to the parlor?
[10:05] Shin
    Of course not!
[10:08] Tama
    Oh, there's another text.
[10:09] Shin
    It must be from the owner!
[10:11] Otose
    Look at the message.
[10:12] Shin
    I don't want to!
[10:13] Shin
    Catherine-san, you look!
[10:14] Cath
    Screw that! Aren't you a man?!
[10:16] Cath
    Answer the phone, hag!
[10:16] Otose
    Who are you calling a man?!
[10:18] Shin
    Tama-san!
[10:19] Otose
    Wh-What does it say?
SIGN    From: Kyubei
[10:21] Kyu
    You're playing with balls?
[10:24] Shin
    Somebody completely different joined the conversation!
[10:27] ---
    Did you come out of the closet?
[10:31] Kyu
    Are you going to have an operation?
[10:33] Kyu
    Can I have yours?
[10:35] Kyu
    We need to talk.
[10:36] Kyu
    Please reply.
[10:38] Shin
    What is she talking about?!
[10:39] Shin
    What does she want to do?!
[10:41] Tama
    There are more messages.
SIGN    From: Saigo
[10:43] Saigo
    Welcome. I'm glad to hear that.
[10:46] Saigo
    Tell Pako that he can become No. 1 at my place.
[10:49] Shin
    This has turned into a completely different
    conversation in a completely different world.
SIGN    From: Tojo
[10:53] Tojo
    What a coincidence.
[10:54] Tojo
    I was also playing with balls.
[10:56] Shin
    And this guy is in his own little world!
[10:59] Shin
    Ah...
SIGN    From: Zura Sub: It's not Zura, it's Katsura
[11:00] Zura
    It appears that you're having trouble...
[11:03] Shin
    Katsura-san!
[11:04] Zura
    However, I assure you that I can ease your pain.
[11:09] Shin
    Is he going to help us?!
SIGN    The Perfect Happiness Theory The Joi Patriot Happiness Doctrine
[11:12] Zura
    Join the Joi patriots and find happiness.
[11:15] Zura
    We have a testimonial from Mrs. E who was able to find her happiness.
SIGN    Mrs. E
[11:19] E
    I didn't think it would be so easy to become a Joi patriot.
[11:24] Katsura
    The Joi will help find your joy.
[11:27] Shin
    It's just spam!
[11:30] Shin
    And they're getting worse!
[11:32] Shin
    Damn! This will never end!
[11:34] Otose
    Hey, Shinpachi!
[11:38] Kagura
    Gin-chan, I made a new text pal.
[11:43] Shin
    Damn! Damn!
[11:45] Shin
    Why aren't they replying?!
[11:46] Shin
    What are they doing?!
[11:49] Kagura
    I'm about to meet my new text pal.
[11:51] Kagura
    I can't wait.
[11:52] Kagura
    I'll introduce you some time.
[12:05] Shin
    Kagura-chan!
[12:06] Shin
    Whew, she finally saw my mail!
[12:09] Kagura
    I'm meeting with my text pal offline.
[12:11] Kagura
    He's a very nice person!
[12:12] Kagura
    Death Cancer-san is also eager to meet you guys.
[12:16] Shin
    Uh, that's not a text pal!
[12:18] Shin
    I guarantee it!
[12:19] Shin
    There's nothing peaceful about his peace sign!
[12:21] Shin
    His name is Death Cancer!
[12:24] Shin
    He got to her first!
[12:26] Shin
    This isn't an offline meeting!
    Kagura-chan's been taken hostage!
[12:31] Cancer
    Your buddy is in my hands.
[12:34] Cancer
    Bring the cell phones to the family restaurant on 2nd within 10 minutes.
[12:37] Shin
    It's the owner!
[12:40] Cancer
    You have 10 minutes.
[12:41] Cancer
    No one has stood before my Death Cancer (claws of death)
    for 10 minutes and survived.
[12:45] Cancer
    I'm sure you know what will happen if you're late. (Murder.)
[12:50] Shin
    This is bad!
[12:51] Shin
    This guy is obviously one of those people!
[12:53] Shin
    He's using emoticons I've never seen before!
[12:55] Shin
    I've never seen anyone go (Murder) before!
[12:57] Shin
    That settles it.
[12:59] Shin
    This guy must be an assassin of some kind!
[13:00] Shin
    W-We've picked up some unbelievable cell phones!
[13:04] Shin
    Gin-san!
[13:05] Shin
    He must have realized the danger we're in after seeing that text!
[13:09] Gin
    Sorry, I'm at a pachinko
[13:11] Gin
    parlor playing with balls real good.
[13:13] Gin
    Could you give me ten more minutes?
[13:15] Shin
    He still doesn't know how to use a cell phone!
[13:17] Shin
    And he's still playing pachinko?!
[13:18] Shin
    Doesn't he care about us?!
SIGN    From: Death Cancer
[13:21] Death
    What do you mean, real good? (Murder.)
[13:24] Shin
    This is really bad!
[13:25] Shin
    He's mad! It says (Murder)!
[13:27] Gin
    I'm doing so well it's like the pachinko
[13:29] Gin
    goddess of balls has blessed me!
[13:31] Gin
    My balls are on a high!
[13:32] Gin
    I can't stop! Can't stop!
[13:34] Shin
    It's a miracle how his texts can sound so wrong!
[13:36] Shin
    Stop it! Stop antagonizing him!
SIGN    From: Death Cancer
[13:39] Death
    No one has stood before my Death Cancer (claws of death)
    for 10 minutes and survived.
[13:42] Death
    Are you somewhere I can reach within ten minutes? (Must.)
[13:45] Shin
    Hey! He wants to go to him now!
[13:47] Shin
    And now it's a (Must)!
[13:50] Gin
    Can you come to me?
[13:51] Gin
    The name of the place is Fever.
SIGN    Pachinko Fever
[13:53] Shin
    You shouldn't tell him that!
[13:54] Shin
    Run away! Gin-san, run away!
[13:57] Kagura
    We're meeting up
[13:58] Kagura
    somewhere different.
[13:59] Kagura
    Hurry up, Shinpachi!
SIGN    Balls Fever
[14:01] Shin
    That's the wrong place!
[14:02] Shin
    He's got it wrong!
[14:03] Shin
    We sent Death Cancer to the wrong place!
SIGN    From: Death Cancer
[14:06] Death
    You lied to me.
[14:08] Shin
    He's really mad in this message!
[14:10] Death
    There are only 30 minute and 60 minute options.
[14:12] Death
    There isn't a 10 minute option. (Murder.)
[14:15] Shin
    That's why he's mad?!
[14:16] Shin
    He would rather take the 10 minute option?!
SIGN    From: Death Cancer
[14:18] Death
    No matter then.
[14:19] Death
    I'll be finished in 30 minutes, so we can meet up again in 40 minutes.
[14:22] Shin
    So you're off to your fever?!
[14:25] Shin
    Why did he even come here?!
[14:27] Shin
    Doesn't he want his cell phones back?!
[14:29] Shin
    Oh, that's right!
[14:30] Shin
    This is my chance to tell Kagura-chan to run away!
[14:34] Kagura
    Looks like we're still meeting
[14:35] Kagura
    up at the same time.
[14:37] Shin
    Ten minutes?! He didn't even last 10 seconds!
[14:39] Shin
    How fast is this guy?!
SIGN    From: Death Cancer
[14:41] Death
    No one has stood before my Death Cancer (claws of death)
    for 10 minutes and survived.
[14:45] Shin
    Your Death Cancer is the one that couldn't survive!
[14:48] Shin
    Stop posing!
[14:49] Gin
    That's the wrong place.
[14:51] Gin
    Kagura, show him the way.
[14:52] Gin
    It's the place on the corner of 3rd where I'm always playing with balls.
SIGN    Pachinko Fever
[14:56] Shin
    You don't have to tell him this!
[14:58] Kagura
    You mean here?
[15:00] Shin
    Nobody told you to smash his balls into a corner!
[15:02] Shin
    Hey! Is Death Cancer-san okay!
SIGN    From: Holy Cancer Sub: (claws of hope)
[15:06] Holy
    I feel like I just woke up from a very long nightmare.
[15:11] Shin
    Who are you?!
[15:12] Shin
    You're a completely different person, Holy Cancer!
[15:14] Shin
    He's become enlightened after his balls were smashed!
[15:17] Holy
    Forgive me... I just wanted my cell phones back.
[15:22] Holy
    You see, those three cell phones
[15:23] Holy
    each hold memories I can't forget...
[15:26] Holy
    No, they hold memories I should never forget.
[15:29] Shin
    Uh, shouldn't you tell us this after we meet up?
[15:32] Holy
    I may sound eloquent over the phone,
[15:35] Holy
    but I'm actually a shy man who can
    barely look another person in the eye,
[15:38] Holy
    much less talk to someone face-to-face.
[15:42] Holy
    It must have been a twist of fate
    that I ended up marrying such a talkative woman.
[15:49] Shin
    He's doing a flashback through a text message!
[15:50] Shin
    What's going on?!
[15:51] Shin
    And you were a a barber?!
[15:54] Holy
    I worked as a barber,
    but I kept losing customers because I never talked much.
[16:00] Shin
    I don't think that's why you lost customers.
[16:01] Holy
    That was when my wife gave me a cell phone.
[16:08] Holy
    She thought that I might be able
    to speak through words, through a text message.
[16:12] Wife
    The silent artist thing works,
[16:15] Wife
    but you should learn to joke in front of your wife.
[16:19] Death
    I-I'm too old to fool around with that text messaging nonsense.
[16:27] Wife
    Yet you're still wearing those claws of yours.
[16:31] Death
    The words which brought a rare smile to my wife's face
[16:34] Death
    ended up being my last words to her.
[16:40] Holy
    Those cell phones are filled with the words I was never able to say to her.
[16:47] Holy
    They will never reach her,
[16:49] Holy
    but they are still precious to me.
[16:56] Death
    I went to a cabaret club today!
[16:59] Death
    I went to a pink salon today!
[17:01] Death
    I think I'll go all the way to Yoshiwara today!
[17:04] Both
    Your messages are stupid!
[17:06] Gin
    How could you send these dirty texts to heaven?!
[17:09] Holy
    You've got it wrong.
[17:11] Holy
    I was searching for heaven, so I could reach my wife.
[17:14] Shin
    You're headed straight to hell!
[17:17] Holy
    Those cell phones are priceless.
[17:21] Holy
    Could you please return them?
[17:24] Gin
    T-Texting is a pain in the ass anyway.
[17:29] Shin
    We're not cut out for this high-tech stuff.
[17:33] Holy
    R-Really?!
[17:35] Holy
    Thank you so much!
SIGN    Odd Jobs
[17:38] Kagura
    Now, we'll always be together, no matter where we go.
[17:44] Shin
    Come on, Kagura-chan.
[17:49] Kagura
    No way.
[17:51] Shin
    Kagura-chan...
[17:54] Kagura
    I haven't received a text message yet.
[17:58] Kagura
    That couple is connected, even though they're far apart.
[18:02] Kagura
    Unlike us.
[18:05] Kagura
    Stop dwelling in the past, stupid old man!
[18:08] Kagura
    We're the ones who aren't able to say what we need to!
SIGN    Message Sent
[18:12] Kagura
    Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
[18:17] Shin
    Wait, Kagura-chan!
[18:18] Shin
    Kagura-chan!
SIGN    Odd Jobs
[18:46] Holy
    I appreciate you coming to her third anniversary.
[18:51] Gin
    We were brought together for a reason.
[18:53] Gin
    Well, the reason involved poop.
[18:57] Shin
    Anyway, I'm sorry.
[18:58] Shin
    Kagura-chan still has that phone.
[19:01] Shin
    I'll make sure that she returns it.
[19:03] Holy
    It's okay.
[19:04] Holy
    She helped me realize something.
[19:07] Holy
    I wasn't doing it for my wife's sake.
[19:10] Holy
    I was trying to make myself feel better.
[19:14] Holy
    I'll stop sending text messages to myself.
[19:17] Holy
    I'm sure that my wife was hoping
    I would learn to speak with friends face-to-face.
[19:26] Holy
    So I'll send the one final message that I've always wanted to send,
[19:30] Holy
    and that will be that.
[19:35] Holy
    Okay, I've said my goodbyes.
[19:39] Holy
    Take good care of them.
[19:41] Shin
    Huh?
[19:42] Holy
    Please use them.
[19:45] Holy
    Men always think that words aren't necessary to express how you feel,
[19:50] Holy
    but in the end, you're left regretting
[19:54] ---
    how you were never able to say those things.
[20:00] Holy
    I don't want you to end up that way.
[20:05] Gin
    Sorry, but we can't accept these.
[20:07] Holy
    Huh?
[20:09] Gin
    These gizmos are too small to express our twisted feelings.
[20:13] Gin
    We're meant to communicate outside the network.
[20:17] Gin
    Besides, you aren't finished with those yet.
[20:22] Gin
    Your wife hasn't responded yet.
[20:27] Holy
    Wh-What are you saying?
[20:30] Holy
    She can't respond to me...
[20:35] Gin
    That's the power of a text from Holy Cancer.
[20:38] Shin
    It's not that strange for a text message to make it up to heaven.
[20:47] Holy
    I see...
[20:48] Holy
    My last message reached her...
[20:54] Wife
    I should be thanking you.
[20:56] Wife
    Have fun with your friends.
[20:58] Holy
    When did she start using emotes?
[21:19] Kagura
    Did it reach heaven?
[21:24] Gin
    Beats me.
[21:25] Gin
    If you got the message through to an idiot,
[21:27] Gin
    you probably got it through to heaven.
[21:40] Holy
    I suppose that they don't need these.
[22:00] Gin
    Hey, why are you grinning?
[22:03] Gin
    It's creeping me out.
[22:04] Shin
    No kidding.
[22:05] Kagura
    It's nothing.
SIGN    When You Go To A Funeral For the First Time, You're Surprised By How Happy the People Are
[23:40] Toshi
    Next time:
[23:41] Toshi
    When you go to a funeral for the first time,
[23:42] Toshi
    you're surprised by how happy the people are.
SIGN    The owner of the restaurant Gintoki and Hijikata frequent has sadly passed away.
SIGN    No more special mayonnaise on rice or Uji Kintoki on rice... As they say their farewells, they notice something odd about the owner?!

E231 - When you go to a funeral for the first time, you're surprised by how happy the people are
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    The beloved owner of the local  restaurant will be sorely missed by everyone.
SIGN    That is why this episode of Gintama  will be a solemn and dignified affair.
SIGN    Closed during this period of mourning. - Restaurant Owner
[01:48] Gin
    Our condolences.
[01:50] A
    I'm so glad everyone from Odd
    Jobs came to see him off.
[01:53] Gin
    Don't say that.
[01:55] Gin
    We owe him too much to skip his funeral.
[01:58] A
    You're too kind...
[02:01] Shin
    No, your husband would still feed
    us when we were completely broke.
[02:06] Kagura
    I loved his sukonbu on rice.
[02:09] Gin
    It's so sad...
[02:10] Gin
    I'll never get to try his
    Uji Kintoki on rice again.
[02:14] A
    Stop it. This isn't like you.
[02:16] A
    You all know that he hated
    it when people were gloomy.
[02:19] A
    We should send him off with a smile,
    in honor of his fun-loving ways.
[02:24] A
    I'm sure that's what he would want.
[02:27] Gin
    You're right...
[02:28] Gin
    Sorry about that.
SIGN    When You Go to a Funeral for the First Time, You're Surprised By How Happy the People Are
[02:35] Shin
    A lot of people came.
[02:37] Gin
    Yeah.
[02:38] Gin
    Just goes to show how
    good of a person he was.
[02:41] Gin
    There aren't many restaurants that
    serve food tailored to each customer.
[02:46] Gin
    He didn't make much money,
[02:48] Gin
    but it earned him something
    that money could never buy...
[02:50] Toshi
    Owner!
[02:52] Toshi
    Why? Why did you have to die so soon?
[02:55] Toshi
    Why?!
[02:58] Kondo
    Toshi, calm down.
[02:59] Kondo
    His spirit is watching us.
[03:00] Toshi
    Owner, your body may have perished,
[03:03] Toshi
    but the taste of your Hijikata
    Special will never die!
[03:08] Shin
    I see some familiar faces...
[03:11] Gin
    Right...
[03:13] Gin
    He also used to come here.
[03:17] Shin
    Uh, Gin-san?
[03:19] Shin
    Please don't start a fight here.
[03:30] Toshi
    A tragic loss...
[03:33] Gin
    Yeah, another one of Edo's
    treasures has been lost.
[03:37] Shin
    What?
[03:38] Shin
    Why are they behaving themselves today?
[03:41] Kagura
    They must be really hurting.
[03:43] Kondo
    The owner was one of the few people
[03:44] Kondo
    who was able to understand
    their bizarre sense of taste.
[03:46] Kondo
    We should be respectful of their wishes.
[03:53] A
    Namo Amita Buddha Namo Amita Buddha
[04:02] A
    Nammy Amita Buddha
[04:06] A
    Jam Amita Buddha Sam Amita Buddha...
[04:10] Shin
    The monk is kind of fooling around.
[04:14] Shin
    I hope he doesn't get hit by lightning.
[04:19] A
    Nemo Amigo Budapest
[04:23] A
    NAFTA Amsterdam Budweiser...
[04:33] Shin
    Ow! What are you doing, Gin-san?!
[04:35] Gin
    Hey, look!
[04:37] Gin
    Over there! Look!
[04:40] Shin
    What do you mean?
[04:41] Gin
    No, over there!
[04:42] Gin
    Look at that!
[04:43] Shin
    Could you pipe down?
[04:44] Shin
    Don't make a scene!
[04:46] Gin
    No, no, no! Look at that!
[04:48] Gin
    Just look!
[04:50] Kagura
    This is embarrassing.
[04:51] Kagura
    Let's pretend we don't know him.
[04:53] Shin
    What is he doing?
[04:54] Gin
    Uh, wait...
[04:55] Kondo
    Hey! Stop it, Toshi!
[04:56] Kondo
    What are you talking about?
[04:57] Toshi
    No, no, no! Over there!
[04:59] Toshi
    Just look over there!
[05:01] Okita
    Aren't you a little old to be
    getting excited about a funeral?
[05:04] Okita
    Don't worry. We'll be holding
    a funeral for you very soon.
[05:07] Toshi
    No, no, no! Look!
[05:09] Toshi
    Just look at that!
[05:09] Toshi
    Look!
[05:10] Gin
    Can you see it?
[05:17] Toshi
    Wh-What is that?
[05:19] Toshi
    Are we the only ones who can
    see it? Is that what this is?
[05:23] Gin
    Nah, I don't think it's
    what you think it is.
[05:26] Gin
    It's probably no big
    deal. We should be okay.
[05:28] Toshi
    I-It's not okay.
[05:29] Toshi
    It is what I think it is.
[05:30] Toshi
    I mean, i-it's the owner!
[05:33] Gin
    Don't be stupid!
[05:35] Gin
    The owner is dead!
[05:36] Gin
    This is his funeral!
[05:37] Gin
    Besides, he was never this transparent!
[05:40] Gin
    He had a real distinct presence!
[05:42] Gin
    This is someone else!
[05:43] Toshi
    That's true.
[05:44] Toshi
    He certainly had a presence!
    A distinct presence!
[05:46] Toshi
    He wasn't transparent!
[05:49] Toshi
    Uh, doesn't the whole transparent
    thing seem wrong to you?
[05:51] Toshi
    Even if he isn't the owner, something's
    wrong when he's transparent.
[05:55] Gin
    Then it must be the owner.
[05:57] Gin
    You know how he couldn't hide
    what he was thinking sometimes?
[06:00] Gin
    He was so transparent.
[06:02] Toshi
    Yeah, that's true.
[06:03] Toshi
    He was.
[06:04] Toshi
    He could be transparent at times.
[06:08] Toshi
    Wait, but something's
    wrong if it is the owner.
[06:10] Toshi
    Why would the dead owner be
    sitting up there all transparent?
[06:13] Toshi
    Something's wrong...
[06:14] Gin
    Well, that must mean he's a ghost.
[06:17] Toshi
    Oh, I see now.
[06:19] Toshi
    It's a ghost.
[06:22] Shin
    Hey! What are you doing?!
[06:25] Gin
    I-I need to go to the restroom!
[06:27] Toshi
    My legs are numb from kneeling so long!
[06:29] Gin
    Let me go! What are you doing?!
[06:33] Toshi
    Hey!
[06:34] Toshi
    The owner's looking at us!
[06:35] Toshi
    He's staring right at us!
[06:36] Gin
    Oh, damn!
[06:37] Gin
    Don't look at him!
[06:38] Gin
    Pretend we can't see him!
[06:40] Toshi
    Hey! He's coming for us!
[06:41] Toshi
    The owner's coming for
    us! What do we do?!
[06:43] Gin
    Play dead! Play dead!
[06:45] Toshi
    Play dead?! He's the one who's dead!
[06:47] Toshi
    He's actually dead!
[06:49] Mom
    Hey, Tatsukichi!
[06:50] Mom
    What do you think you're doing?
[06:51] Tatsu
    What? The monk's gonna
    be at this forever!
[06:54] Mom
    Stupid! Put that way!
[06:56] Mom
    It's disrespectful!
[06:57] Tatsu
    I don't care!
[06:58] Tatsu
    He should be grateful I even
    came to this boring funeral!
[07:05] Mom
    Tatsukichi?!
[07:06] Mom
    What happened to you, Tatsukichi?!
[07:08] Mom
    I'm sorry. It appears that
    my son has gotten sick.
[07:12] Mom
    We'll have to excuse ourselves.
[07:23] Kondo
    Toshi, weren't you
    going to the restroom?
[07:25] Toshi
    N-No, I'm good now.
[07:27] Shin
    You're good now?
[07:29] Shin
    But you're both shaking.
[07:30] Shin
    It's not healthy to hold it in.
[07:32] Gin
    N-No, we're good.
[07:34] Toshi
    H-He's monitoring us.
[07:37] Toshi
    The owner returned from hell to make sure
    that his funeral goes off without a hitch.
[07:42] Gin
    This is bad.
[07:44] Gin
    If anything goes wrong
    with this funeral...
[07:47] Both
    The owner will curse us to death!
[07:49] Hiji
    Just like that monk who was reading
    weird sutras while falling asleep...
[07:53] Hiji
    Who knows what he'll do to us?!
[07:56] Gin
    This isn't funny!
[07:58] Gin
    I came here to say goodbye
    to the nice owner!
[08:02] Gin
    I'm not here to see
    that hard-boiled guy!
[08:05] A
    Excuse me. It's your
    turn to burn incense.
[08:07] Toshi
    Huh?!
[08:08] A
    It's your turn to burn incense.
[08:10] A
    The relatives have all taken their turn,
[08:12] A
    so you're the only ones left.
[08:14] Toshi
    Hey, it's already our
    turn to burn incense.
[08:18] Toshi
    What do we do?
[08:19] Gin
    Don't be absurd.
[08:20] Gin
    I'm already about to piss my pants.
[08:22] Gin
    I'm not about to try aroma
    therapy right next to him!
[08:25] Gin
    I'll have other aromas coming out of my ass!
[08:27] Gin
    And wait, how does burning incense work?
[08:29] Gin
    I know you walk up there and sprinkle
    something, but my memory's all hazy.
[08:32] Toshi
    Are you an idiot?!
    Aren't you a grown-up?!
[08:34] Toshi
    You sprinkle it three times on your
    forehead and do that, then that, and that!
[08:37] Gin
    All you're saying is
    to do that and that!
[08:39] Gin
    Your memory's just as hazy as mine!
[08:40] Toshi
    Once I'm up there, I'll remember
    what to do! I'm not like you!
[08:43] Gin
    You go first then!
[08:45] Toshi
    Hell no! You go!
[08:46] Shin
    I'll go first then.
[08:48] Shin
    Watch me, Kagura-chan.
[08:49] Gin
    Wait, Shinpachi!
[08:50] Gin
    Let's not be hasty!
[08:51] Shin
    Huh? Hasty?
[08:52] Shin
    Kagura-chan doesn't know how this
    works, so I'm going to show her.
[08:55] Gin
    Can you do it?!
[08:56] Gin
    Don't screw it up!
[08:57] Gin
    Come back alive!
[08:58] Gin
    Promise me!
[08:59] Shin
    Are you making fun of me?
[09:00] Shin
    Whatever.
[09:01] Shin
    Watch me, Kagura-chan.
SIGN    1) Bow to the relatives and monk.
[09:03] Shin
    First, you go to where the incense
    is and bow to the relatives and monk.
SIGN    2) Pay your respects to the portrait.
[09:07] Shin
    Then you kneel down before the incense
    and pay your respects to the portrait.
[09:11] Shin
    Hold the beads in your left hand and use
    your right hand to take a pinch of incense
SIGN    3) Hold the beads in your left hand and 
    use your right hand to take a pinch of incense
SIGN    and brush it against your forehead before  placing the incense in the burner. Do this three times.
[09:14] Shin
    and brush it against your forehead
    before placing the incense in the burner.
[09:17] Shin
    Do this three times.
SIGN    4) Pay your respects to the portrait 
    again and bow to the relatives.
[09:19] Shin
    Finally, pay your respects to the
    portrait again and bow to the relatives.
[09:23] Shin
    Okay, all done.
[09:25] Shin
    Well, isn't it easy?
[09:26] Gin
    Mission complete!
[09:28] Gin
    I knew you could pull it off!
[09:30] Gin
    We'll throw a party to celebrate.
[09:31] Gin
    Put on your best clothes!
[09:32] Shin
    You're starting to piss me off.
[09:34] Shin
    What's this about? Are you
    trying to belittle me?
[09:36] Toshi
    You still have much to
    learn, in my opinion,
[09:39] Toshi
    but you look like a man now.
[09:41] Shin
    Why are you making such a
    fuss about burning incense?!
[09:43] Shin
    Did you people really
    think I couldn't do it?!
[09:45] Toshi
    Look, the owner seems happier now.
[09:49] Toshi
    I think we're gonna survive this ordeal.
[09:52] Kagura
    Okay, I'll go next.
[09:55] Gin
    Kagura, do exactly what Shinpachi did!
[09:57] Gin
    Don't screw up!
[09:58] Kagura
    I got this!
[09:59] Kagura
    I remember everything perfectly!
[10:01] Kagura
    Um, first is...
SIGN    1) Bow to the relatives and monk.
[10:04] Kagura
    Make the monk bow.
[10:06] Gin
    You're already completely off!
SIGN    2) Pay your respects to the portrait.
[10:09] Kagura
    Respect, yo!
[10:11] Kagura
    Everyone with me!
[10:13] Monk
    Yo...
[10:14] Gin
    That's not what it means!
[10:15] Gin
    You don't have to listen to her, monk!
SIGN    3) Hold the beads in your left hand and use 
    your right hand to take a pinch of incense and brush
[10:17] Gin
    Monk!
SIGN    it against your forehead before placing  the incense in the burner. Do this three times.
SIGN    4) Pay your respects to the portrait 
    again and bow to the relatives.
[10:20] Kagura
    Respect, yo!
[10:21] Monk
    Yo...
[10:23] Gin
    Monk!
[10:25] Kagura
    Is that good enough?
[10:26] Gin
    Were you even watching Shinpachi?!
[10:29] Gin
    Who told you to turn the
    monk's head into a pulp?!
[10:31] Kagura
    My legs were numb from
    kneeling so long...
[10:34] Gin
    What do your legs have
    to do with anything?!
[10:35] Gin
    Your head is what's numb!
[10:36] Toshi
    Damn, the owner's getting mad.
[10:39] Toshi
    We need to fix this funeral!
[10:41] Toshi
    Add another step to the flowchart!
SIGN    1) Bow to the relatives and monk.
[10:42] Toshi
    After we bow to the relatives and monk,
[10:44] Toshi
    we resurrect the monk!
SIGN    2) Resurrect the monk.
[10:46] Toshi
    Then we burn incense!
SIGN    3) Kneel before the incense and  pay your respects to the portrait.
[10:47] Okita
    I'll go next then.
[10:49] Toshi
    Sogo! Are you sure about this?!
[10:50] Toshi
    Can you do this?!
[10:51] Toshi
    Can you manage it?!
[10:52] Toshi
    Can I trust you?!
[10:53] Okita
    It'll be just fine.
SIGN    1) Bow to the relatives and monk.
[10:55] Okita
    I just have to follow
    your flowchart, right?
[10:59] Okita
    Bow to the relatives monkey hair.
SIGN    1) Bow to the relatives and monkey.
[11:01] Toshi
    You already screwed up!
[11:02] Toshi
    Don't screw with the flowchart!
[11:04] Toshi
    We're getting nowhere!
[11:07] Toshi
    Forget it!
[11:08] Toshi
    Forget the incense! Just
    resurrect the monk!
[11:10] Toshi
    What the hell?!
[11:13] Toshi
    Nobody told you to resurrect his hair!
[11:15] Toshi
    Nothing's changed!
[11:17] Toshi
    We just have a dead
    body with a wig on it!
[11:19] Okita
    No.
[11:20] Okita
    He looks happier now.
[11:23] Toshi
    Isn't that nice, monk.
[11:25] Toshi
    Who gives a damn?!
[11:26] Gin
    Hey! The owner's completely
    pissed off now!
[11:29] Gin
    He's gone SSJ!
[11:31] Toshi
    Prioritize the rescue of the monk!
[11:34] Toshi
    First, we resurrect the monk!
SIGN    1) Resurrect the monk.
SIGN    2) Bow to the relatives and monk.
[11:35] Toshi
    Then we bow to the relatives and monk!
[11:38] Gin
    Wait!
[11:39] Gin
    There's another dead body!
[11:40] Gin
    It's one of the relatives!
[11:41] Toshi
    Why would he die from losing his wig?!
[11:43] Toshi
    How weak is he?!
[11:44] Toshi
    And why is everyone ignoring him?!
[11:46] Toshi
    Are they trying to pretend that they
    didn't notice he was wearing a wig?!
[11:48] Toshi
    Are they trying to be nice?!
[11:49] Kondo
    That settles it.
SIGN    1) Resurrect the monk and relative.
[11:51] Kondo
    We'll have to start by resurrecting
    the monk and relative.
SIGN    2) Bow and apologize to  the relatives and monk.
[11:54] Kondo
    Then we bow and apologize
    to the relatives and monk.
[11:58] Kondo
    Or else the owner's
    funeral will be a wreck.
[12:00] Kondo
    I'll take responsibility
    and get everything fixed.
[12:04] Toshi
    Kondo-san!
[12:05] Kondo
    Just watch.
[12:07] Kondo
    I'm the eldest one here, so I have
    more experience with funerals.
[12:10] Kondo
    I could burn incense in my sleep.
[12:13] Kondo
    First, resurrect the monk!
[12:15] Kondo
    Please kneel here and read the sutra.
[12:17] Toshi
    That's the bald relative!
[12:18] Kondo
    Then resurrect the relative!
[12:20] Kondo
    I apologize for the
    trouble we've caused.
[12:22] Toshi
    That's the relative's wig!
[12:24] Kondo
    And here is the fish drum.
[12:26] Toshi
    Stop torturing the monk!
[12:28] Gin
    Enough already!
[12:30] Gin
    You're making it worse!
[12:32] Toshi
    And why is the relative
    acting like he's the monk?
[12:35] Kondo
    I'm guessing he's temporarily
    lost his memories from the shock.
[12:37] Toshi
    He lost what was on top of his
    head, not what's inside his head!
[12:40] Gin
    Hey!
[12:41] Gin
    The owner is so pissed!
[12:42] Gin
    He's about to fire a Spirit Bomb!
[12:46] Gin
    Screw this!
[12:47] Gin
    You people are ruining everything!
[12:49] Toshi
    Hey, wait!
[12:50] Toshi
    You're going to run away by
    yourself?! I don't think so!
[12:52] Shin
    Hey! Wait, Gin-san!
[12:54] Shin
    The funeral isn't over...
[12:57] Gin
    Shi-Shinpachi?
[13:01] A
    Oh, what's wrong?
[13:03] B
    Their legs must be numb
    from all the kneeling.
[13:12] Both
    He took their souls!
[13:28] A
    Are your friends okay?
[13:30] Gin
    Oh, yes.
[13:31] Gin
    Their legs are numb
    after all the kneeling.
[13:33] A
    I see, but they seem to
    have completely passed out.
[13:37] Gin
    That's just a game they play.
[13:40] Gin
    They'll be fine after some
    rest, so don't worry.
[13:47] Gin
    I didn't expect him to take their souls.
[13:50] Gin
    He took their spirits instead
    of firing a Spirit Bomb.
[13:52] Toshi
    That wasn't clever.
[13:54] Toshi
    Are those really their souls?
[13:56] Gin
    They must be!
[13:57] Gin
    One of them is wearing glasses!
[13:59] Toshi
    Why is his soul wearing glasses?
[14:02] Gin
    In Shinpachi's case, his
    glasses are his soul!
[14:05] Toshi
    Anyway, we need to get their souls back.
[14:08] Gin
    How do we do that?!
[14:10] Toshi
    He was mad because we tried to leave,
[14:13] Toshi
    so we'll have to stay until
    the end of the funeral.
[14:15] Toshi
    I'm sure that if we pay our respects,
    he'll pass on and everything will be okay.
[14:19] Toshi
    The funeral's almost over.
[14:21] Toshi
    We just have to behave
    ourselves in the corner.
[14:24] Toshi
    Make sure you don't piss off the owner.
[14:27] Toshi
    Don't move an inch.
[14:29] N
    We will now carry the coffin.
[14:32] N
    May I ask the men to assist?
[14:36] B
    I believe that the family members
    are supposed to carry the head.
[14:39] C
    I'm sorry, Mitsuko-san.
    My back's been killing me.
[14:42] A
    Oh, is there anyone young who can help?
[14:45] A
    Oh, Gin-san, Hijikata-san,
[14:48] A
    could you help carry the coffin?
[14:53] Toshi
    S-Sorry, I just dislocated
    my left shoulder.
[14:57] Gin
    As you can see, I just broke my arm.
[14:59] Gin
    Sorry, Gran.
[15:01] A
    Oh, is that so?
[15:02] A
    Sorry about putting you on the spot.
[15:05] Gin
    But it must have been my imagination!
[15:07] Gin
    We'll help!
[15:07] Gin
    Please let us help!
[15:09] Gin
    Isn't that right, Hijikata-kun?!
[15:10] Toshi
    Yeah, I've always wanted
    to help carry a coffin!
[15:13] Toshi
    Isn't that right, Sakata-kun?!
[15:14] Toshi
    Shit! Can I do this?!
[15:17] Toshi
    I dislocated my left shoulder!
[15:18] Gin
    My bone is sticking out!
[15:21] Gin
    It hurts like a mother!
[15:22] Gin
    And are they even okay?!
[15:24] Gin
    He was kneading their souls together?!
[15:25] Gin
    Kneading them hard!
[15:27] A
    Can you please take his legs then,
    Sakata-san and Hijikata-san.
[15:31] Gin
    In that case, I'll do this with one arm!
[15:33] Gin
    Suck it up!
[15:34] D
    Lift it on my count.
[15:35] Toshi
    Don't screw up! It's
    over if we drop him!
[15:37] Toshi
    Focus all of my strength
    in my right arm!
[15:40] A
    Okay, ready and...
[15:43] B
    Hey! How much strength did you use?!
[15:45] B
    Uncle!
[15:46] B
    Uncle is trapped!
[15:48] D
    And the owner is also a mess!
[15:50] D
    His feet are sticking out the wrong way!
[15:52] B
    Put him back!
[15:53] B
    Put him back quick!
[15:55] D
    The owner is sticking out!
[15:58] Toshi
    Shit! Push him back
    in! Stuff him back in!
[16:00] Gin
    H-He won't fit because he's all stiff!
[16:03] D
    Don't step on him!
[16:05] D
    You're going to hell for this!
[16:07] B
    Now his leg is sticking out!
[16:09] B
    What is this?!
[16:10] B
    Is the owner practicing synchronized
    swimming in the River Styx?!
[16:13] D
    Now something else is sticking out!
[16:16] D
    What's going on?!
[16:17] Gin
    People get stiff after
    they die, I think.
[16:20] D
    But that doesn't mean
    they get a stiffie!
[16:23] B
    And it's sticking out in the
    completely wrong direction!
[16:25] B
    What's happened inside?!
[16:28] Toshi
    Hey, look!
[16:29] Toshi
    He's making soba!
[16:30] Toshi
    He's making soba out of their souls!
[16:33] Gin
    No time to waste!
[16:35] Gin
    Let's carry the coffin outside!
[16:38] Gin
    We can't move!
[16:39] A
    He's stuck!
[16:40] A
    He's stuck in the worst possible way!
[16:43] Gin
    I won't give in!
[16:45] B
    Wait! It's gonna snap!
[16:46] B
    It's gonna snap!
[16:47] Gran
    Gin-san, Hijikata-san.
[16:49] Gran
    You should be careful
    when turning corners.
[16:52] D
    Yes, yes.
[16:53] D
    Be more careful.
[16:54] B
    Don't force your way through.
[16:55] B
    You should snap the
    coffin around that way.
[16:58] Gran
    Then I'll snap it for you!
[17:00] B
    That's not what I meant!
[17:02] Gran
    You can pass through now.
[17:02] D
    You just snapped your husband's
    thing to turn a corner!
[17:06] Gran
    Oh, there's a nail loose.
[17:08] B
    Ma'am! Do you have a
    grudge or something?!
[17:10] B
    Some kind of grudge against
    your husband's joystick?!
[17:12] B
    He wasn't any good at rapid firing?!
[17:15] D
    Now the monk is sticking out!
[17:17] D
    Why is the monk inside?!
[17:19] B
    And he's still alive!
[17:20] B
    He's still reading that weird sutra!
[17:23] D
    Wait, did she snap the monk's thing?!
[17:25] D
    Now the monk is literally celibate!
[17:28] B
    It's stuck! It's stuck again!
[17:31] Gran
    I'll snap it for you!
[17:32] B
    Gran!
[17:33] Gran
    You can pass through now.
[17:36] Gran
    Oh, there's another loose nail.
[17:38] B
    Gran!
[17:39] B
    Are you mad about that funny sutra?!
[17:44] D
    Owner!
[18:01] Gin
    Floor it! Go faster!
[18:04] Toshi
    Don't tell a cop to
    break the speed limit!
[18:07] Gin
    We caught up!
[18:09] Toshi
    Pull over! There's an old man
    sticking out of your truck!
[18:12] Toshi
    It's no use. He can't hear me.
[18:13] Toshi
    I'm gonna arrest him
    later for breaking the law!
[18:16] Gin
    Hey! The owner can't
    hold on much longer!
[18:18] Gin
    Get closer to the truck!
[18:19] Gin
    I'll recover the body!
[18:21] Gin
    Gran, hold my legs!
[18:22] Gran
    Sure thing.
[18:23] Gin
    Just a little closer!
[18:27] Gin
    Why?!
[18:29] Toshi
    What's going on?!
[18:30] Toshi
    What happened in there?!
[18:32] Gin
    Uh, wait!
[18:33] Gin
    I don't want to touch that!
[18:35] Gin
    Gran, please!
[18:36] Gin
    I'll hold your legs, so can
    you grab the owner's wang?
[18:38] Gran
    Um...
[18:41] Gran
    Which one?
[18:42] Gin
    The hell is going on?!
[18:43] Gin
    There are all these dicks
    sticking out of the truck!
[18:46] Gin
    How many dicks does the owner have?!
[18:48] Gin
    How greedy was he?!
[18:49] Toshi
    No!
[18:50] Toshi
    Those are peniclams from Planet Seafood.
[18:53] Toshi
    They look very similar to the
    male organ of Earth humans,
[18:55] Toshi
    but they're known to be delicious.
[18:58] Gin
    Don't you mean dicklicious?!
[18:59] Gin
    Why are they so similar?!
[19:01] Gin
    In both name and appearance?!
[19:03] Toshi
    They must have fallen out of the box.
[19:05] Toshi
    This is bad...
[19:06] Toshi
    We can't tell which one
    is the old man's dick!
[19:09] Gin
    No, we can...
[19:11] Gin
    Gran can do it.
[19:12] Gin
    You've seen the owner's dick
    hundreds, thousands of times.
[19:16] Gin
    You should be able to tell
    which one is the real one.
[19:20] Gran
    But I...
[19:21] Gin
    Believe in yourself!
[19:23] Gin
    Believe in the dick of
    the owner you believe!
[19:25] Toshi
    What does that even mean?
[19:27] Gin
    You're the one who said we should
    send him off with a smile, not tears!
[19:30] Gin
    There's nothing to
    smile about right now!
[19:32] Toshi
    No, total strangers would
    probably laugh until they cry.
[19:35] Gin
    It's not too late!
[19:37] Gin
    Let's make this a proper
    funeral for the owner!
[19:40] Gin
    That's the only thing we can do
    as the ones who were left behind!
[19:46] Gran
    I understand. I'll give it a try.
[19:51] Gran
    Don't let your eyes fool you.
[19:54] Gran
    Use all five senses, Mitsuko...
[19:55] Gran
    Remember the smell, the ,
    the , and how it was .
[19:59] Toshi
    That's really disgusting, you know!
[20:02] Toshi
    I don't want to hear it!
[20:04] Gran*
    There it is!
[20:06] Gin
    Why did you snap it off?!
[20:08] Gin
    Gran, do you have a grudge
    against the owner's dick?!
[20:12] Gin
    Calm down!
[20:15] Toshi
    Stupid!
[20:19] Toshi
    There he is! It's the owner!
[20:22] Gin
    I want to let go, but I can't!
[20:24] Gin
    And where are you grabbing, Gran?!
[20:26] Toshi
    Hang on! I'll get closer!
[20:29] Gin
    Mine is about to snap off!
[20:30] Gin
    So is the owner's!
[20:44] N
    Odd Jobs...
[20:47] N
    Hijikata...
[20:49] N
    You guys are always so fun.
[20:53] N
    Thanks for giving me a
    funeral that was a riot.
[20:58] N
    I can leave without any regrets now.
[21:03] N
    Sorry about scaring you.
[21:06] N
    Apologize to Mitsuko and
    everyone else for me.
[21:10] N
    And so, I poured my soul, literally,
[21:14] N
    into one last meal for
    my very good friends.
[21:21] Gin
    I was wondering what the
    owner was trying to pull.
[21:25] Gin
    So he was cooking for us...
[21:27] Toshi
    Man, that guy was always weird.
[21:29] Toshi
    Nobody was going to cry at your funeral.
[21:35] Toshi
    Tears are meant...
[21:36] Gin
    ...for when you're eating good food.
[21:47] Gin
    It's damn good...
SIGN    Don't look for me.
SIGN    Next Episode
[23:30] Zura
    E-Elizabeth ran away from home?!
[23:34] Zura
    Impossible!
[23:34] Zura
    That's impossible!
[23:36] Zura
    What has Elizabeth been hiding from me?!
SIGN    The People You Tend to Forget Tend  to Show Up After You Forget Them
[23:40] Gin
    Next time:
[23:41] Gin
    The people you tend to forget tend
    to show up after you forget them.
SIGN    While chasing after Elizabeth, a  surprising mystery is revealed?!
SIGN    The sexy lady in the opening will appear along  with that one guy who hasn't shown up in forever!!

E232 - The people you tend to forget tend to show up after you forget them
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:01] Gin
    Yeah, back to staring at a static background.
[00:04] Gin
    We had a little something planned 
    for this segment, but, y'know?
[00:08] Gin
    And these lines were recorded three
    days before the episode aired.
[00:12] Gin
    I'm sure that the clever members of the
    Gintama audience can figure out what happened.
[00:16] Gin
    So here's another episode of
    Gintama, living on the edge.
SIGN    Don't Look
[01:52] Zura
    Don't look.
[01:56] Zura
    I found this in Elizabeth's room.
[02:00] Zura
    What is it that I'm not supposed to look for?
[02:04] Zura
    Or does it count as looking
    when I'm looking for what it is
[02:07] Zura
    that I'm not supposed to be looking for?
[02:10] Zura
    In that case, I'll have to look for someone to look
[02:14] ---
    for what I'm not supposed to look for,
[02:16] Zura
    before deciding if I should
    look or if I should not look.
[02:18] Zura
    So I'm looking for someone who's
    willing to look for the answer.
[02:21] Zura
    But if I'm not supposed to look,
[02:23] Zura
    then I can't look for the someone to look for the
[02:25] ---
    someone to look for the someone to look for the...
[02:29] Gin
    You're making this too hard.
[02:30] Shin
    It's like you're lost in a
    maze of what not to look for.
[02:33] Zura
    Don't look...
[02:35] Gin
    I won't.
[02:36] Gin
    It's pretty obvious what this is.
[02:38] Gin
    He ran away from home.
[02:39] Zura
    E-Elizabeth ran away from home?!
[02:42] Zura
    I-Impossible! Unfathomable!
[02:44] Zura
    He had no reason to be unhappy!
[02:47] Zura
    The last time I saw Elizabeth...
[02:50] Zura
    The last time I...
[02:51] Zura
    Th-The last...
[02:54] Zura
    When was the last time I saw Elizabeth?
[02:57] Shin
    You can't remember?!
[02:59] Kagura
    I thought you noticed as
    soon as he disappeared?
[03:02] Zura
    No...
SIGN    Zura: We have a testimonial from Mrs. 
    E who was able to find her happiness.
[03:03] Zura
    Two episodes ago, when I was
    writing that text message,
[03:06] Zura
    I didn't recognize who was in the picture.
[03:08] Shin
    That's why he ran away from home!
[03:10] Shin
    There's a tiny date on the sign.
[03:13] Shin
    That means he was still around then.
[03:15] Gin
    Huh?
[03:16] Gin
    What day is today?
[03:17] Kagura
    October 31st.
[03:20] Shin
    I would understand if
    he put yesterday's date,
[03:21] Shin
    but why is it tomorrow's date?
[03:22] Kagura
    The sign must be from the future!
[03:24] Shin
    That can't be it.
[03:26] Gin
    Yeah, yeah.
[03:27] Gin
    Go the other direction.
[03:29] Gin
    Maybe that's a year old?
[03:31] Shin
    Huh?
[03:33] Gin
    Now that I think about it, it's been
[03:34] ---
    a while since I've actually seen him in person.
[03:37] Zura
    Wh-What do you mean?!
[03:39] Zura
    E-Elizabeth ran away from home a year ago?!
[03:42] Zura
    And I went about my life without a clue?!
[03:45] Gin
    You're the one who can't remember.
[03:47] Zura
    Don't be ridiculous!
[03:48] Zura
    You heartless bastards may have forgotten,
[03:51] Zura
    but how could I have
    forgotten about Elizabeth?!
[03:53] Zura
    That's absurd!
[03:55] Zura
    Damn, I can't remember!
[03:57] Zura
    For some reason, my memories
    of Elizabeth are so erratic!
[04:00] Shin
    Have they ever not been?
[04:02] Zura
    What happened between us, Elizabeth?!
SIGN    Tenny's
SIGN    The People You Tend to Forget Tend  to Show Up After You Forget Them
[04:14] Zura
    We must locate Elizabeth at once.
[04:18] Zura
    But my memory is hazy.
[04:19] Zura
    I won't be able to remember
    anything in the past.
[04:23] Zura
    That is why...
[04:26] Zura
    It's not Zura, it's Katsura.
[04:28] Shin
    Uh, nobody said anything.
[04:30] Kagura
    What are these, Zura?
[04:32] Zura
    It's not Zura, it's a sign.
SIGN    You little girls should  go home and watch Ainori!!
[04:34] Zura
    Does this look familiar?
[04:36] Shin
    That was Elizabeth's line from
    the popularity contest arc.
[04:40] Zura
    Yes, all of the signs he's
    used are stored here.
[04:44] Zura
    We can use these to determine why he ran
[04:46] ---
    away from home, and his current location as well.
[04:49] Gin
    Hey, I don't have time to
    dig through all of these.
[04:52] Zura
    This is the only lead we have.
[04:54] Zura
    Don't worry.
[04:55] Zura
    Elizabeth was a samurai at heart.
[04:57] Zura
    He only spoke when necessary.
[04:58] Zura
    For example, look at how this
    line is short and simple.
SIGN    No, could be anyone.
[05:01] Shin
    Uh, who was he talking to
    and what was trying to say?
[05:04] Zura
    It's very simple.
[05:06] Zura
    This is...
[05:06] TV
    Is it an echo?
SIGN    No, could be anyone.
SIGN    No, could be anyone.
[05:11] Shin
    How the hell were we supposed to know that?!
[05:13] Zura
    Every time we saw this commercial,
[05:16] ---
    he would raise this sign and I would go "OC"!
[05:20] Zura
    But now I hear nothing...
[05:22] Shin
    How is he a samurai at heart?!
[05:23] Zura
    Elizabeth...
[05:23] Shin
    We're supposed to go through
    all of these stupid signs?!
[05:26] Gin
    Is there anything that looks suspicious?
[05:29] Gin
    Oh, this is...
SIGN    Thank you.
[05:31] Gin
    He suddenly said thank you.
[05:33] Shin
    And look at the next one.
SIGN    Goodbye.
[05:35] Shin
    This was when he decided to leave.
[05:37] Shin
    What lead to these signs?
[05:38] N
    ...will bring you lots of scary friends...
[05:42] Zura
    Pop, pop, pop!
[05:44] Shin
    AC again?!
[05:47] Zura
    Every time we saw this commercial,
[05:49] ---
    we would take turns on the bunny and Lionel Richie parts.
[05:52] Shin
    If you don't cut this out, I'm gonna
    Goodbye Lionel Richie your ass!
[05:53] Zura
    Elizabeth...
[05:55] Gin
    Hey, these are all related to commercials!
SIGN    No, it's kefir.
SIGN    No, it's Yayataka.
[05:58] Shin
    How much TV do you watch?!
SIGN    No, it's Pitts.
SIGN    No, it's Boss.
[05:59] Shin
    Aren't the Joi supposed to
    be taking back the country?!
SIGN    No, it's Ondroid.
[06:01] Gin
    These are the only decent ones.
[06:03] Gin
    Excuse me, your collar is turned up.
[06:05] Gin
    Was your hair done at the same
    place where Tokiko Gato goes?
[06:08] Gin
    How do you write out ?
[06:10] Shin
    They're all about !
[06:13] Shin
    And when did he use these signs?!
[06:16] Shin**
    Doesn't this mean he was talking to ?!
[06:19] Zura
    Was your hair done at the same place?
[06:22] Zura*
    I'm close to remembering something.
[06:27] Zura
    I believe this line was when...
[06:29] Zura
    Yes, it was a winter day that
    left you cold in body and soul.
[06:33] Shin
    No, stop!
[06:34] Shin
    Don't start a flashback
    from those stupid lines!
[06:37] Zura
    We were on the run, without
    a roof above our heads.
[06:41] Shin
    Hey! I said to stop!
[06:43] N
    This race pits the young
[06:45] ---
    ***** against the older Ishihara in a one-on-one duel!
[06:48] Shin
    You're watching TV again?!
[06:49] Shin
    Just end this!
[06:51] Shin
    Say something funny about
    's hair and end this!
[06:54] Zura
    I see, so these two are...
[06:55] Shin*
    Don't bother setting up the joke!
[06:57] Shin
    Look at 's hair!
[06:58] Shin
    She must go to the same
    place Tokiko Gato goes!
[07:01] Zura*
    Is Ishihara the one who can provide
    hope in these times of trouble?
[07:04] Zura
    Or is it ?
[07:06] Zura
    Which one is the answer?
SIGN    No, it's Katsura.
[07:08] Shin*
    Another OC commercial?!
[07:10] Shin
    Wait! You're not going to say anything?!
[07:12] Shin
    You're not going to comment on 's hair?!
[07:15] Zura
    Idle chatter did little to stave
    off the biting cold and hunger.
[07:20] Shin*
    Stop wasting time on this
    pointless flashback!
[07:23] Zura
    I couldn't die here before starting
    a revolution in this country.
[07:27] Zura
    As we dragged ourselves
    along, that was when...
SIGN    *****
[07:32] Renho
    Make ***** your first choice.
[07:34] Renho
    Make ***** your second choice.
[07:35] Renho
    ***** is more than number one.
[07:35] Shin
    Hey! It's the real !
[07:37] Renho
    **** is the only one.
[07:37] Shin
    Look at that hair!
[07:38] Shin
    Her collars are turned way up!
[07:39] Shin
    You can use all of your signs now!
[07:41] Shin
    I see, you ignored the previous opportunity
    so you could use them all here!
[07:45] Zura
    Are you okay?
[07:47] Zura
    I can carry that for you.
[07:48] Gin
    Forget about the old lady!
[07:49] Gin
    Look at that hair behind you! Say something!
[07:52] Fumi
    Thank you.
[07:54] Fumi
    There are still kind souls left in Edo.
[07:57] Gin
    Yeah, very nice!
[07:58] Gin
    But it would be even better if
    he ended this stupid flashback!
[08:02] Zura
    That was when we met Grandma Fumiko.
[08:05] Gin
    Uh, nobody cares about the old lady!
[08:08] Zura
    Grandma Fumiko would tell picture stories to
[08:10] ---
    the children in the park at the top of the stairs.
[08:13] Gin
    You've completely lost your chance!
[08:14] Gin
    You're never going to get a better shot!
[08:16] Zura
    In this age, kids don't
    care about picture stories.
[08:20] Zura
    Yet Grandma Fumiko would climb the stairs
[08:24] ---
    every day with her heavy load.
[08:27] Zura
    Maybe that was why Elizabeth began
    visiting the park every day.
[08:32] Gin
    Damn! This is turning into one
    of those heartwarming stories!
[08:35] Gin
    's never coming back!
[08:38] Zura
    When it was raining...
[08:40] Zura*
    When it was windy...
[08:43] Zura
    When it was ...
[08:44] Shin
    There's !
[08:46] Zura
    Elizabeth went to the park with Grandma Fumiko
[08:49] ---
    every day to watch the kids play.
[08:52] Shin**
    It's a miracle!
[08:53] Shin
    ***** is back with her funky hair!
[08:56] Shin
    Er, wait.
[08:57] Shin
    's eating something!
[08:58] Shin
    Gin-san! It's fried chicken!
[08:58] Zura*
    One day, Elizabeth finally asked Grandma 
    Fumiko the question that had been bugging him.
[08:59] Shin
    's eating fried chicken!
[09:01] Gin
    Hey, look behind you!
[09:03] Gin*
    Say something!
[09:03] Gin
    Funky chick eating fried chicken!
SIGN    Why do you come here every day?
[09:07] Fumi
    You think it's strange?
[09:08] Fumi
    A storyteller spends all day watching
    the children instead of telling stories?
[09:14] Gin
    It's no use!
[09:15] Gin
    The fried chicken doesn't help!
     They aren't looking!
[09:17] Shin
    Hey!
[09:18] Shin
    ***** is throwing fried chicken at them!
[09:20] Shin
    But they still haven't noticed her!
[09:21] Fumi
    I tell stories to make the children smile.
[09:25] Fumi
    But look, they're having
    plenty of fun already.
[09:29] Fumi
    So my job is to watch over them.
[09:35] Shin
    's messing up her hair in front of them!
SIGN    I want to see your picture story.
[09:40] Fumi
    You're such a strange one.
[09:41] Gin*
    If he doesn't use those signs now,
     he's never gonna use them!
[09:45] Fumi
    Oh, well. I suppose I can tell
    you one of my best stories.
[09:50] Gin
    Please! End this flashback!
SIGN    Was your hair done at the same  place where Tokiko Gato goes?
[09:55] Fumi
    Let's begin then.
[09:56] Fumi
    The story of "Was your hair done at the
    same place where Tokiko Gato goes?"
[10:01] Both
    There?!
[10:03] Shin
    You can use it there?!
[10:04] Gin
    Wait!
[10:05] Gin
    After all that buildup, it
    wasn't even Elizabeth's sign?!
[10:08] Gin
    It has nothing to do with , you a-hole!
[10:10] Shin
    And what kind of picture story is this?!
[10:13] Shin*
    No wonder the kids stayed away!
[10:15] Zura
    I can't remember the details...
[10:17] Zura
    I wasn't paying attention so I can't
    remember anything after the title.
[10:23] Gin
    Was it that scary?!
[10:25] Kagura
    But why does Elizabeth have a
    sign from the granny's story?
[10:30] Zura
    I have a feeling that this
    line will help me remember.
SIGN    Excuse me, your collar is turned up.
[10:34] Gin
    No, no more!
[10:35] Gin
    Just stop!
[10:37] Zura
    I believe this line was when...
[10:38] Shin
    He started another flashback!
[10:40] Shin
    Please get to the point and make this short!
[10:44] Fumi
    Eli, you were too much.
SIGN    Excuse me, your collar  (my penis) is turned up.
[10:47] Fumi
    My back can't take it.
[10:50] Gin
    That was too short!
[10:51] Gin
    How did that even happen?!
[10:53] Gin
    What went down between them?!
[10:55] Zura
    You wasted all that time
    on the first flashback!
[10:57] Zura
    It isn't proper for us to probe
    into the affairs of other couples.
[11:01] Zura
    All I can say is that Elizabeth isn't picky.
[11:03] Gin
    This isn't a matter of being picky or not!
[11:05] Gin
    And where were you watching this from?!
SIGN    How do you write out ?
[11:07] Shin
    Wait!
[11:08] Shin*
    There's only one sign left!
[11:11] Kagura
    Hey, Zura! What's wrong?!
[11:13] Zura
    My head...
[11:14] Zura
    I-I have a feeling
[11:17] ---
    that I'm not supposed
    to remember what comes next...
[11:20] Gin
    Wait!
[11:21] Gin
    Don't tell me that you're talking about
    Elizabeth and the old lady getting down and dirty!
[11:25] Gin
    The flashback started! It started!
[11:31] Fumi
    Snow... It's so cold...
SIGN    Hold on.
[11:37] Fumi
    It's okay. Don't overdo it.
[11:39] Fumi
    You'll end up catching a cold.
[11:42] Fumi
    Besides...
[11:44] Fumi
    I have my own.
[11:48] Fumi
    I'm sure that you've seen
    through my disguise.
[11:50] Fumi
    I may be wearing the skin
    of an earthling right now,
[11:59] Fumi
    but you could never forget
    your former lover, could you?
[12:06] Fumi
    But you could never forget
    your former lover, could you?
SIGN    B Part
[12:10] Fumi
    Or did you approach me
    because you recognized me?
[12:13] Fumi
    So you could dispose of the traitor?
[12:16] Fumi
    I was surprised to see that you were still
    using those signs to lie to yourself.
[12:22] Fumi
    After watching the people
    on this planet smile,
[12:25] Fumi
    I discovered my true calling.
[12:27] Fumi
    I want to tell stories and protect
    the smiles of the people here.
[12:33] Fumi
    That is how I truly feel.
[12:35] Fumi
    Don't you feel the same way?
[12:36] Fumi
    So why are you still wearing that costume?
[12:39] Fumi
    Why are you still using signs to talk?
[12:42] Fumi
    Don't you realize what we're
    doing to this planet?!
[12:48] ---
    Y-You're such a coward...
[12:51] Fumi
    Please... Stop this...
[12:57] Fumi
    Y-You don't need to follow
    someone else's script...
[13:04] Fumi
    Write your own story...
SIGN    Are you finished?
SIGN    We've been ordered to return.
SIGN    Our survey of Earth is complete.
SIGN    Let's go, Captain.
[13:22] Zura
    E-Elizabeth!
[13:24] Zura
    Wh-Why you?!
[13:25] Zura
    What is the meaning of this?!
[13:27] Zura
    One Elizabeth, two Elizabeths,
    three Elizabeths...
[13:38] Fumi
    I see that he's regained his memories.
[13:42] Fumi
    I just remembered everything myself.
[13:45] Fumi
    Yes, he wasn't...
[13:47] Fumi
    We aren't cute pets.
[13:49] Fumi
    We came to invade this planet.
[13:53] Fumi
    We were sent as spies to
    scout the enemy's land.
[13:57] Fumi
    We are members of the legendary mercenary tribe
[14:00] ---
    who have worked for Dakini, Shinra, and Yato...
[14:02] Fumi
    Feared as the white devils...
[14:05] Fumi
    We are known as the...
[14:06] Zura
    Elizabeth, who are you...?
[14:11] Fumi
    Renho.
[14:13] Shin
    I can't keep up with everything that's wrong!
[14:16] Shin
    What are you people talking about?!
[14:17] Shin
    Just look at what you're wearing!
[14:19] Shin
    Why is the show suddenly serious?!
[14:20] Shin
    Just look at what you're wearing!
[14:22] Shin
    How are we supposed to
    follow all these twists?!
[14:25] Zura
    I remember everything now.
[14:28] Zura
    The legendary mercenary tribe...
[14:30] Zura
    The white devils, Renho!
[14:33] Zura
    That is Elizabeth's true identity.
[14:35] Fumi
    Yes, he infiltrated Earth
    by pretending to be your pet
[14:40] Fumi
    while secretly sending information about
[14:41] ---
    this planet back to the main fleet.
[14:43] Shin
    I've never seen a pet act like that!
[14:46] Shin
    And he wasn't being secretive!
[14:47] Shin
    He drew attention everywhere he went!
[14:48] Fumi
    And your adorable pet was their leader.
SIGN    Don't look.
[14:53] Fumi
    And now they've returned to the main fleet
[14:54] ---
    having completed their mission,
SIGN    Forget
[14:56] Fumi
    after erasing any potentially
    inconvenient memories.
[14:59] Fumi
    You forgot about him because
    he erased your memories.
[15:05] Zura
    Y-You're lying.
[15:09] Zura
    The time Elizabeth and I
    spent together was all a lie?
[15:14] Zura
    It was all an illusion?
[15:16] Zura
    I-I refuse to accept that...
[15:20] Zura
    I absolutely refuse to accept it!
[15:22] Gin
    Zura!
[15:25] Zura
    Oh, don't come too close.
     I don't want you to hear me.
[15:29] Shin
    You picked the worst time to take a dump.
[15:32] Fumi
    I didn't want him to betray you.
[15:35] Fumi
    That's why I fought alone to
    interfere with their work.
[15:40] Fumi
    But I wasn't able to stop him.
[15:43] Fumi
    I believe that over the past year,
[15:45] ---
    they've almost finished preparing for their invasion of Earth.
[15:49] Fumi
    At this rate, Earth will fall to the Renho.
[15:53] FUmi
    But it isn't too late.
[15:55] Fumi
    We can still stop him!
[15:58] Fumi
    Please help me protect Earth from the Renho!
SIGN    Dark Vader
SIGN    has arrived.
SIGN    Comrades,
SIGN    the time has come.
SIGN    After losing our mother planet in the great war,  we have stayed strong while living on this planet.
SIGN    However, we will no longer  hide in the shadows.
SIGN    Earth...
SIGN    Once we take their planet, we  will regain our former glory.
SIGN    Our advance forces have  already set the stage.
SIGN    Take planet Earth away from them!!!
SIGN    Regain the glory of the Renho!!
SIGN    Hooray!
SIGN    Searching
SIGN    Lost
[17:33] A
    We've lost the target.
[17:35] A
    Captain, this is...
[17:37] Saka
    Oh, they vanished into the darkness.
[17:42] Saka
    They've earned that legendary
    mercenary moniker.
[17:45] Mutsu
    Shouldn't you be a little concerned?
[17:47] Saka
    Don't worry about it.
[17:49] Saka
    Those guys are still on that planet.
SIGN    Galaxy Warriors
[17:56] Zura
    Battle!
[17:58] Zura
    Onward to space!
[18:00] Kagura
    Zura, that White Base
    ain't taking you to space.
[18:03] Gin
    Oh, that's how the catapult works.
[18:05] Gin
    He might be able to make it to space.
[18:07] Gin
    Good luck.
[18:10] Zura
    W-Wait, you fools...
[18:12] Zura
    A true samurai would never
    ignore a danger to Earth.
[18:16] Zura
    If an idiot who didn't realize that his
[18:18] ---
    pet was an alien invader can be a samurai,
[18:20] Zura
    I give up on being a samurai.
[18:21] Zura
    Bastards!
[18:22] Zura
    You trust that Fujiko knock-off
    more than Elizabeth?!
[18:25] Zura
    I will not accept that!
[18:27] Zura
    Elizabeth would never invade Earth!
[18:29] Zura
    That slutty woman could never
    be Elizabeth's former lover!
[18:32] Fumi
    Oh? What makes you think that I'm slutty?
[18:36] Zura
    Why you...
[18:37] Fumi
    Please tell me.
[18:39] Fumi
    Well?
[18:39] Fumi
    In what way am I slutty?
[18:42] Zura
    O-Obviously, your...
[18:44] Fumi
    Why are you cooperating
    with this slutty woman?
[18:47] Zura
    I'm not cooperating with you!
[18:50] Zura
    And I am not fighting as a Joi
    patriot defending his planet!
[18:54] Zura
    I'm going to save my friend!
[18:56] Zura
    I may have a hundred doubts, a thousand doubts,
[18:59] Zura
    but I choose to believe
    in the drink we shared.
[19:02] Zura
    That's how a friendship between men works.
[19:05] Zura
    He must have his reasons.
[19:08] Zura
    He must have been forced
    into his current situation.
[19:13] Zura
    In that case, I will cross the galaxy
    and rivers of blood to save him!
[19:18] Shin
    Uh, the rivers of blood are
    flowing down your face.
[19:24] Fumi
    He's not as innocent as you think.
[19:28] Fumi
    But that's fine.
[19:29] Fumi
    In any case, we share the same goal.
[19:33] Fumi
    If you don't want Earth to be
    destroyed, you should work with me.
[19:36] Gin
    Screw that.
[19:37] Gin
    Why are we supposed to help you
    when you're the ones invading us?
[19:40] Gin
    Do you even know how to
    write invasion in Japanese?
[19:43] Kagura
    The Yato can't do it.
[19:45] Fumi
    Why don't we have a round, boy?
[19:49] Fumi
    And I don't mean on a bed.
[19:51] Gin
    Don't call me a boy!
[19:53] Gin
    And stop acting like you're Fujiko Mine.
[19:56] Gin
    You're like the tub and rubber duckie in one!
[19:59] Fumi
    Oh, didn't you notice?
[20:01] Fumi
    There's an angel above you.
[20:03] Gin
    Sh-She's fast!
[20:04] Gin
    She's already working her slutty magic on me!
[20:06] Shin
    You were just as fast when
    you moved in for the upskirt!
[20:09] Fumi
    I prefer being on top.
[20:12] Fumi
    Want me to take you to heaven?
[20:14] Gin
    That's too bad.
[20:16] Gin
    I prefer to take the lead.
[20:18] Shin
    What do you think you're
    doing at the playground?!
[20:21] Fumi
    H-He's fast...
[20:23] Fumi
    He was able to instantly
    awaken my masochistic side.
[20:25] Shin
    You were already a sick freak!
[20:28] Fumi
    I never thought I would meet
    such a dirty man on Earth.
[20:31] Fumi
    I'm impressed!
[20:32] Gin
    The pleasure's all mine.
[20:33] Gin
    Welcome to our planet!
SIGN    Planet Pervs
[20:34] Shin
    It's Planet Earth!
[20:35] Shin
    And why are you so impressed
    with each other?!
[20:37] Shin
    What kind of handshake is this?!
[20:38] Zura
    Behold how quickly two individuals of
    different races were able to make peace.
[20:42] Zura
    I'm sure that we can find a peaceful
    solution if we talk to Elizabeth's brethren.
[20:45] Shin
    They didn't talk about anything.
[20:47] Shin
    All they did was reveal their fetishes!
[20:49] Zura
    In any case, we need to come up with a plan.
[20:52] Fumi
    Then you can use me as the map!
[20:55] Zura
    Well, if this is space...
[20:57] Gin
    What are you talking about?
[20:58] Gin
    A woman's body has always been like space.
[21:00] Kagura
    Space? All I see is a forest.
[21:01] Shin
    Elizabeth-san!
[21:03] Shin
    Go ahead and destroy Earth!
[21:14] Shin
    No way!
[21:15] Shin
    They actually attacked us!
[21:17] Shin
    They're actually invading Earth!
[21:19] A
    Captain, we were able to remove the obstacle.
[21:23] Saka
    Really now?
[21:24] Saka
    Let's land then!
[21:32] Mutsu
    What are you doing?
[21:34] Mutsu
    You want to destroy Edo
    before they even get here?
[21:38] Shin
    Y-You're...
[21:43] Saka
    It's been forever, huh?
[21:44] Saka
    How many episodes has it been?
[21:46] Saka
    I love the air on Earth.
[21:49] Shin
    Sa-Sa-
[21:51] Shin
    Sakamoto-san?!
[21:53] Shin
    Mutsu-san?!
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Next Episode Space Ururun Homestay
[23:30] Zura
    Next time:
[23:31] Zura
    Space Ururun Homestay
SIGN    Following Elizabeth into space
    Gintoki and co invade the enemy's home planet!!
SIGN    The true nature and demonic weaponry of the
    legendary mercenary tribe Renho are finally revealed!!

E233 - Space Ururun Homestay
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    The legendary mercenary tribe, Renho.  Elizabeth was in fact one of those white demons.
SIGN    They lost their planet long ago, and  they've been plotting to invade Earth!!
[01:43] Shin
    Y-You're...
[01:49] Saka
    It's been forever, huh?
[01:50] Saka
    How many episodes has it been?
[01:52] Saka
    I love the air on Earth.
SIGN    Space Ururun Homestay
[02:01] Shin
    Why?!
[02:03] Shin
    Why is the Kaientai here?!
[02:05] Mutsu
    I'm glad we were able
    to make it back in time.
[02:08] Shin
    Make it back in time?
[02:10] Shin
    So you're also aware that
    the Earth is being invaded?
[02:14] Saka
    I missed my timing with the Taiga drama,
[02:17] Saka
    but at least I'm not late for Jin...
[02:19] Gin
    You're too late!
[02:21] Gin
    That one ended nearly half a year ago.
[02:25] Kagura
    We'll throw you down the stairs
    and end you, so hold on.
[02:29] Shin
    Wait!
[02:30] Shin
    He just finished falling to Earth!
[02:32] Shin
    One more tumble and he'll die!
[02:33] Zura
    Wait, Gintoki!
[02:35] Zura
    Is that Sakamoto?
[02:37] Saka
    That voice...
[02:39] Saka
    Are you Zura?!
[02:41] Saka
    It's been ages.
[02:44] Saka
    How've you been doing?
[02:45] Zura
    And you...
[02:46] Both
    You've changed so much!
[02:49] Shin
    That's wrong!
[02:50] Shin
    Is this how cavemen used
    to greet each other?!
[02:51] Shin
    Are you really friends?!
[02:53] Mutsu
    There's no point in wasting
    time on these idiots.
[02:56] Mutsu
    Get on our ship.
[02:57] Mutsu
    You have business in space, right?
[03:00] Zura
    How did you know?
[03:02] Mutsu
    Not good. The clouds are picking up speed!
[03:05] Mutsu
    Hurry!
[03:06] Mutsu
    Or else it'll be too late!
[03:07] Saka
    What are you saying?
[03:09] Saka
    Jin is still being released on DVD...
[03:12] Mutsu
    Stop talking about Jin!
[03:18] Woman
    Oh, no. It's raining.
[03:20] Woman
    Come inside, Ken-san.
[03:21] Ken
    Th-Thank you, madam.
[03:28] Woman
    Ken-san, your right shoulder's getting wet.
[03:31] Woman
    Come closer.
[03:33] Ken
    No, this is fine.
[03:36] Ken
    If I let you get wet, the boss will
[03:38] ---
    come down from heaven to give me a licking.
[03:41] Woman
    You're still worrying about him?
[03:44] Woman
    After his death, you were there
    to help me run the store.
[03:50] Woman
    I'm sure you've noticed how I feel.
[03:54] Woman
    I know.
[03:56] Woman
    When he died, he entrusted me
    to you, along with the store.
[04:02] Woman
    So why won't you accept my feelings?
[04:06] Woman
    You're always so kind to me,
    but you never say anything.
[04:09] Woman
    Why do you have to be so stiff?
[04:12] Woman
    How do you really feel about me?
[04:15] Woman
    Tell me.
[04:17] Woman
    Why won't you say anything?
[04:18] Woman
    Say something, please!
SIGN    Sorry, I can't talk anymore for some reason.
SIGN    Eeeek!
[04:30] Hana
    Do you see the chaos in the streets?
[04:33] Hana
    The people caught in the sudden storm,
[04:36] Hana
    have had their faces replaced by blank masks,
SIGN    What is this? What's going on?
[04:38] Hana
    and they can only communicate
    by holding up signs.
SIGN    Uh, hell if I know!!
[04:41] Hana
    What is the meaning of this?!
[04:43] Hana
    What is happening to Edo?!
[04:46] C
    Ana Hanano, is this what happens
    when someone touches the rain?
[04:49] C
    Ana Hanano?
SIGN    Back to the studio for now.
[04:54] Zura
    H-Hey! What's going on?!
[04:57] Kagura
    So many Elis!
[05:00] Zura
    One, two, three...
[05:03] Mutsu
    They've released the seeds.
[05:04] Mutsu
    Once their seeds...
[05:07] Mutsu
    Those clouds have covered the entire planet,
[05:08] Mutsu
    Earth will fall into the hands of the Renho.
[05:11] Shin
    So Elizabeth and his brethren
    are responsible for that rain?
[05:14] Fumi
    But first, how do you know about our plan?
[05:20] Saka
    The Kaientai have been all around space.
[05:23] Saka
    Of course we would know this stuff.
[05:26] Saka
    Besides, I'm the one who brought
    those monsters to Earth.
[05:33] N
    Kaientai Space Log O month X day.
[05:37] N
    We've welcomed a certain
    government official aboard the
[05:40] ---
    Kairinmaru to do business.
[06:01] Saka
    O-Okay, I got it.
[06:04] Saka
    That's a deal.
[06:05] Mutsu
    Huh?
[06:06] Saka
    After an hour of silent dealing,
    we were able to strike a deal.
[06:13] Mutsu
    Hey, Sakamoto. Are you sure about this?
[06:16] Mutsu
    Who is he?
[06:19] Saka
    Don't worry.
[06:21] Saka
    We both spilled our guts.
[06:23] Mutsu
    No, you were the only one
    who was spilling his guts.
[06:27] Saka
    Basically, he wants us to
    carry some cargo to Earth.
[06:31] Mutsu
    Is this cargo supposed to include
    a bunch of funky-looking creatures?
[06:34] Mutsu
    And when did he tell you this?
[06:37] Mutsu
    He spent the whole time wheezing.
[06:39] Saka
    While you were in the little girls' room,
[06:41] Saka
    he pulled out this sign.
[06:43] Mutsu
    This is a picture of
    Earth that's crossed out.
[06:46] Saka
    He must have learned that Earth is in danger.
[06:51] Saka
    And he wants to protect
    Earth from that danger.
[06:54] Mutsu
    Really?
[06:55] Mutsu
    It looks like he's got
    something else in mind to me.
[06:59] Saka
    So first, he must send his pets
    to Earth to serve as watchdogs.
[07:04] Mutsu
    Those watchdogs appear
    to be attacking humans.
[07:08] Saka
    The pets and their owners
    are having fun on a walk.
[07:11] Saka
    I was so touched!
[07:14] Saka
    I can't stop crying!
[07:16] Mutsu
    That's not called crying.
[07:18] Saka
    I never thought that an Amanto
    would care so much about Earth.
[07:22] Saka
    The Kaientai's objective was
[07:25] Saka
    to improve relations between Earthlings
    and the Amanto through business.
[07:30] Saka
    Plus, I have a bunch of points saved
    up at this hostess club on Earth...
[07:33] Saka
    Is there anyone else out
    there to take on this job?!
[07:37] Saka
    I now return to the mother planet!
[07:40] Saka
    To Smi-
[07:42] Saka
    To Earth!
[07:44] Saka
    The future of Earth is bright!
[07:46] Saka
    Wait for me, Oryo-chan!
[07:50] Gin
    How is it bright?!
[07:51] Gin
    It's completely dark because of you!
[07:55] Shin
    How could you do this?!
[07:56] Shin
    You brought the invaders'
    spies right to our planet!
[07:59] Shin
    You're going to destroy Earth because
    you wanted to visit a hostess club!
[08:02] Shin
    They were dropping hints everywhere!
[08:04] Shin
    You should have been able to
    figure out their objective!
[08:06] Shin
    And how long are you going
    to stomp on him, Mutsu-san!
[08:07] Shin
    Where are you stomping him?!
[08:08] Saka
    Most businessmen tend
    to suspect other people.
[08:12] Saka
    But I do business by trusting people.
[08:15] Shin
    You were throwing up the entire time.
[08:17] Mutsu
    Since his job is to carry diseases
    from space to Earth via his crotch.
[08:24] Saka
    Mutsu, I'm gonna kill you.
[08:26] Mutsu
    I did some research since
    I knew something was fishy,
[08:28] ---
    and look what we discovered.
[08:29] Fumi
    Now that you mention it,
    this ship looks familiar.
[08:32] Fumi
    So this is that same ship.
[08:34] Mutsu
    As we speak, the people of Earth
[08:35] ---
    are being rendered mute by the
    transformation into Elizabeth
[08:38] Mutsu
    by the seeds that were spread by
    the agents we carried to Earth.
[08:42] Mutsu
    However, this is only the
    first phase of their plan.
[08:46] Mutsu
    Once communications on
    Earth have been disrupted,
[08:48] Mutsu
    they plan on launching a large invasion.
[08:51] Mutsu
    We must prevent this from happening.
[08:53] Mutsu
    No, place your hand over your heart,
[08:57] ---
    and you'll realize that
    this is our responsibility.
[08:59] Gin
    Don't blame us!
[09:01] Gin
    This is all your fault!
[09:02] Mutsu
    There isn't any time to whine.
[09:05] Mutsu
    We're the only ones who can stop this.
[09:08] Fumi
    I see.
[09:10] ---
    So this ship is a Noah's ark,
    the last hope of the samurai.
[09:18] Saka
    Kintoki...
[09:19] Gin
    My name isn't Kintoki.
[09:21] Saka
    Zura...
[09:22] Saka
    It wasn't coincidence that
    brought you on this ship.
[09:26] Saka
    We're the only idiots who are stupid enough
[09:30] Saka
    to pick a fight with aliens.
SIGN    Just as planned.
SIGN    In less than a day, Earth will  be covered by those clouds.
SIGN    My lord!
SIGN    A fleet is signaling us...
SIGN    What?
SIGN    A signal that can't be picked  up by the naked eye or radar?
SIGN    This signal belongs to the  ship we contacted before.
SIGN    What are they trying to say?
[10:07] Shin
    Business?
[10:08] Saka
    That's right.
[10:10] Saka
    The Renho are known as the
    legendary mercenary tribe
[10:12] Saka
    partially because of how
    difficult they are to find.
[10:15] Saka
    It would be far too difficult to find
    their mothership in this vast universe.
[10:20] Saka
    So I'll make them a deal they
    can't refuse and draw them in.
[10:24] Shin
    A deal they can't refuse?
[10:26] Shin
    What are you offering?
[10:28] Saka
    Those guys wouldn't be
    interested in any cheap deals.
[10:32] Saka
    However, they can't ignore
    the offer I've made.
[10:36] Saka
    I'm selling Earth!
[10:38] Shin
    Selling Earth?!
[10:39] Saka
    They're on their way to invade Earth.
[10:42] Saka
    They need all the men and
    weapons they can get.
[10:45] Saka
    I'm offering the weaponry and
    manpower of the Kaientai.
[10:50] Saka
    They can certainly use the help.
[10:52] Saka
    Ironically, we're considered a neutral
    party because we helped them before.
[10:58] Saka
    This will help greatly.
[11:00] Saka
    My razor sharp right-hand-woman can
    drag negotiations out for a day.
[11:06] Saka
    Earth can only hold out for a day at best.
[11:09] Saka
    This will be the biggest deal
    the Kaientai has ever struck.
[11:12] Saka
    So before Earth is taken out,
[11:14] Saka
    we'll take away their future!
[11:22] Zura
    This is Elizabeth's mothership
    and mother planet.
[11:26] Zura
    It's like a fortress.
[11:28] Zura
    There are so many Elizabeths...
[11:31] Zura
    One Elizabeth, two Elizabeths,
    three Elizabeths...
[11:35] Gin
    Stop that already!
[11:38] Gin
    If you fall asleep here, our
    operation will fall apart!
[11:41] Gin
    Listen up.
[11:42] Gin
    Do whatever you can to blend in, Zurazabeth.
[11:46] Zura
    It's not Zurazabeth, it's Katsurabeth.
SIGN    Ginzabeth, you should use signs to talk.
SIGN    One slip of the tongue and the gig  will be up. So keep your mouth...
SIGN    shut...
SIGN    tight...
[11:56] Gin
    I wouldn't call that a slip of the tongue!
SIGN    Blargh.
SIGN    Damn, I forgot to take some medicine.
[12:01] Gin
    How can you get motion
    sickness on such a big ship?!
SIGN    C-Can't bear the smell of a strange new  place. And I can't bear riding a ship.
[12:04] Gin
    Stop riding these ships then!
[12:06] Zura
    Sakamoto! You still get motion sickness?
[12:09] Zura
    I told you to open a window and
    look far away when you get sick.
[12:13] Zura
    And take deep breaths.
[12:14] Gin
    That's not a window you just opened!
[12:15] Gin
    You just destroyed the
    purpose of that costume!
[12:17] Gin
    Don't look far away!
[12:19] Gin
    Don't look far away right now!
[12:20] Shin
    Gin-san! Gin-san!
[12:22] Shin
    Can we hurry up?
[12:24] Shin
    All of us are ready to go.
[12:26] Gin
    Sorry, let's go.
[12:29] Shin
    Hell no!
[12:31] Shin
    Say something, stupid!
[12:32] Shin
    Why am I the only one who was
    painted white with tighty-whities?!
[12:35] Shin
    Why am I the only one who
    doesn't get a disguise?!
[12:38] Gin
    Huh? Are you Shinpachi?
[12:40] Gin
    I didn't notice.
[12:42] Gin
    That's a great disguise, huh?
[12:43] Saka
    Yeah, don't worry.
[12:45] Saka
    I didn't even notice you were here
    before you opened your mouth.
[12:48] Zura
    Perfect. You'll be fine, Toshio-kun.
[12:51] Shin
    Don't call me Toshio-kun!
[12:52] Shin
    And you don't want me to be Toshio-kun!
[12:54] Shin
    Not unless you want to
    die, you three stooges!
[12:57] Fumi
    That won't do.
[12:58] Fumi
    My costume is a little big,
    so I'll let you inside.
[13:02] Gin
    Where are you letting him in?!
[13:04] Gin
    The white devil is turning into
    Char's red Zaku, you dirty woman!
[13:09] Gin
    Kagura, let him in yours.
[13:11] Gin
    Your costume is too big, right?
[13:13] Kagura
    What? I don't wanna.
[13:14] Kagura
    I already finished customizing my Alzabeth.
[13:18] Shin
    Five sukonbu.
[13:20] Kagura
    Fine, I'll let you in for ten sukonbu.
[13:25] Shin
    Is this any different from before?!
[13:27] Shin
    Shouldn't you cover my face and
    maybe leave my back exposed?!
[13:30] Shin
    Shinpachi is sticking out!
[13:31] Shin
    In plain sight!
[13:33] Kagura
    Shut up.
[13:34] Kagura
    It would be gross if you were on
    the bottom and your nose started
[13:36] ---
    bleeding all over me.
[13:37] Shin
    I'm not gonna get a nosebleed
    over you, you idiot!
[13:40] Kagura
    Eh?! What did you say?!
SIGN    Hey there.
SIGN    Hey there.
SIGN    Are you mechanics?
SIGN    What are you doing here?
[13:52] Shin
    Damn! I'm the only one sticking out!
SIGN    N-Nothing important...
SIGN    We were taking a break.
[13:58] Shin
    You guys are just trying
    to save your own asses!
[14:01] Shin
    Huh?
[14:02] Shin
    I think there's something
    sticking out of them.
[14:04] Shin
    How much of a rush were they in?!
[14:06] Shin
    What are you doing in those costumes?!
[14:08] Shin
    You're playing Uno, aren't you?!
[14:10] Shin
    And what the hell is sticking
    out of your mouth?!
[14:13] Shin
    How are we supposed to explain this?!
[14:15] Shin
    What am I supposed to do?!
SIGN    Hey, what's that sticking out of your head?
[14:18] Shin
    Ah! He noticed me!
[14:20] Shin
    What do we do? What should I do?!
SIGN    A pimple.
[14:24] Shin
    A-A pimple?!
[14:26] Shin
    What kind of explanation is that?!
[14:28] Shin
    He's not gonna buy that!
[14:29] Shin
    Am I supposed to act like a pimple?!
SIGN    Mine is also a pimple.
[14:32] Shin
    Don't join in!
[14:34] Shin
    Yours is something completely different!
SIGN    Mine is Draw.
[14:36] Shin
    Don't start playing again!
SIGN    Too bad. Draw 4.
[14:39] Shin
    Too bad none of you have any brains!
[14:41] Shin
    Stop playing Uno!
[14:43] Shin
    Why are there more sticking out?!
[14:44] Shin
    What kind of Uno is this?!
[14:46] Shin
    It's no use!
[14:47] Shin
    We've been found out!
[14:48] Shin
    We've so been found out!
[14:50] Shin
    Thanks to these idiots, Earth is finished!
SIGN    We have a long journey to  make. Watch your health.
[14:54] Shin
    Huh?
[14:56] Shin
    Don't tell me that he bought it.
SIGN    Hold on. I'll give you some Clearasil.
[15:00] Shin
    He bought it!
[15:01] Shin
    And he's going to give us Clearasil!
SIGN    Clearasaw
SIGN    This should get rid of it in a jiffy.
[15:09] Shin
    Not what I was expecting!
[15:13] Shin
    Hey! What are you doing, foolish four?!
[15:15] Shin
    Stop! Let me go!
[15:18] Shin
    Stop!
[15:20] Shin
    I'm not a pimple!
SIGN    You should feel much better.
SIGN    It's almost time for dinner.  Head to the main hall.
SIGN    Roger.
[15:36] Shin
    What am I?!
[15:52] Fumi
    It appears that we've survived
    the first challenge.
[15:55] Fumi
    We're in the heart of the enemy base.
[15:58] Fumi
    But it will only get more difficult.
[16:00] Fumi
    In order to stop their plan, we'll
    need to dig deeper into the military.
[16:06] Fumi
    Look.
[16:06] ---
    Are those...?
[16:08] Fumi
    Those two generals are known
    as the Double Dragons.
[16:11] Fumi
    The Renho is made up of brigades
    that are led by captains.
[16:14] Fumi
    The entire army is led by the two generals.
[16:18] Fumi
    And all of Renho is led by the man
[16:21] ---
    who went from foot soldier
    to supreme commander.
[16:25] Fumi
    The evil lord, Dark Vader.
[16:28] Fumi
    He was the one who decided to invade Earth.
[16:31] Fumi
    Dark Vader is the strongest Renho,
[16:33] Fumi
    who became the supreme commander through
    a combination of strength and wiles.
[16:37] Fumi
    He rules the Renho with an iron fist.
[16:40] Fumi
    That is why we aren't allowed
    to reveal our bodies or speak.
[16:45] Shin
    Is that why you turned into a pervert?
[16:49] Fumi
    The Renho have been reduced to a tribe
    of slaves for fulfilling his ambitions.
[16:55] Fumi
    We must defeat him, or there will
    be no future for Earth or the Renho.
[17:00] Fumi
    If we can only find a way
    to reach his throat...
[17:07] Fumi
    Oh, no! Stop talking!
[17:09] Shin
    Uh, you're the only one who's been talking.
[17:12] Fumi
    Don't take this banquet lightly.
[17:15] Fumi
    Dark Vader is watching very closely.
[17:18] Fumi
    If you drop a single grain of rice,
    you'll be killed on the spot.
[17:21] Shin
    What?!
[17:23] Fumi
    Don't worry. Just do as I do.
[17:27] Shin
    I'm getting really nervous.
[17:28] Kagura
    Yay!
[17:29] Kagura
    Look, Shinpachi. They have curry.
[17:32] Shin
    Don't start celebrating, Kagura-chan!
[17:33] Shin
    Please don't put natto on your
    curry like you usually do!
[17:43] Shin
    This curry comes with a
    red Excitebike on top?!
[17:47] Shin
    What's going on?!
[17:49] Shin
    What is this?!
[17:50] Shin
    Are they trying to ridicule me?!
[17:51] Shin
    Was it wrong to order the sweet curry?!
SIGN    Oh, you chose the sweet  curry? You're such a child.
[17:58] Shin
    The spicy curry is a black Bungeling Bay?!
[18:01] Shin
    What's wrong with this planet?!
[18:03] Shin
    Why do they eat Nintendo cartridges on rice?!
[18:05] Fumi
    Hurry. Eat your food before it gets cold.
[18:09] Shin
    Okay, I'll admit that I've
    blown on cartridges before!
[18:12] Kagura
    Oh, well. When in Rome...
[18:15] Kagura
    Shinpachi, let's split this between us.
[18:18] Shin
    No, it's impossible!
[18:20] Shin
    This isn't edible!
[18:21] Shin
    It's a Nintendo cartridge!
[18:23] Shin
    It's only 8 bits!
[18:24] Shin
    You're only eating the rice?!
[18:26] Shin
    Hurry up, Shinpachi. Or
    they'll get suspicious.
[18:29] Gin
    Hey, Shinpachi, Kagura.
[18:31] Gin
    You don't need to eat that crap.
[18:33] Shin
    G-Gin-san!
[18:35] Gin
    This is what you feed your
    soldiers before the big battle?
[18:38] Saka
    They don't respect us!
[18:39] Zura
    They expect us to conquer Earth when
[18:41] ---
    they don't even provide
    us with proper nutrition?!
[18:43] Fumi
    W-Wait a moment, guys!
SIGN    Do you have a Virtual Boy? I'll have FF4. Excuse me, can I get DQ5 instead?
[18:46] Shin
    That's not the issue here!
[18:48] Shin
    And one of you is completely off!
SIGN    Ah, found it!
SIGN    So you don't have a Virtual Boy.
SIGN    Yahoo! I want my FF4 Red Wings! But I'll  probably throw it all up in the end...
[18:57] Fumi
    O-Oh, no!
[18:59] Fumi
    Only captains are allowed to eat DQ and FF!
[19:04] Fumi
    So the captains also eat
    Nintendo cartridges?!
[19:06] Fumi
    And only the generals are
    allowed to eat Super Nintendo
[19:10] Fumi
    games such as DQ5 and other FF games!
SIGN    What are you doing?!
SIGN    You grunts dare to touch our  Super Nintendo cartridges?!
[19:15] Shin
    Crap! The generals have snapped!
[19:20] Shin
    What are you doing, you three stooges?!
[19:22] Fumi
    Look out!
SIGN    Double Dragons, I apologize. Could you  please spare them in return for my Actraiser?
SIGN    What?! These are your men, General Eren?!
[19:34] Shin
    G-General?!
[19:36] Shin
    How?!
[19:37] Shin
    I thought there were only two generals...
[19:38] Fumi
    It can't be!
SIGN    Yes...
[19:40] Fumi
    He was promoted for his work on Earth...
SIGN    I was about to recruit them.
SIGN    You punks got spirit.
SIGN    Interested in becoming my men?
[19:52] Zura
    E-
[19:53] Zura
    Elizabeth!
SIGN    I don't know how you  found out about our plan,
SIGN    but we don't need your help.
[20:05] Mutsu
    I beg to differ, Dark Vader.
[20:08] Mutsu
    Earth will not fall so easily,
[20:11] Mutsu
    for there are unique warriors there
    that cannot be found anywhere else.
[20:17] Mutsu
    The samurai...
[20:19] Mutsu
    I believe it will be difficult, even
    for you, to conquer their warrior code.
SIGN    We also follow a code.
SIGN    We Renho always wear white  and keep our mouths shut.
SIGN    Thus, have we established  an identity for ourselves.
SIGN    Mere samurai cannot overcome our will.
[20:40] Mutsu
    I suppose. However, you will
    lose valuable soldiers.
SIGN    No matter. I have plenty more.
SIGN    They are nothing more than tools.
[20:49] Mutsu
    In war, soldiers are certainly expendable.
[20:52] Mutsu
    However, when a nation doesn't
    value the lives of its citizens,
[20:56] Mutsu
    it is bound to collapse.
[20:58] Mutsu
    You may have a new home,
[21:00] Mutsu
    but it will matter little if you lose
    the seeds for regaining your lost glory.
SIGN    Why don't you test how  useful my tools can be?
SIGN    With the gun you carry...
SIGN    It appears that you Earthlings are  the ones who will lose their seeds.
SIGN    I commend you for having the courage to come alone into enemy  territory. I will grant you an up-close view of the destruction of Earth.
[21:27] Mutsu
    You're the one who faces destruction.
[21:29] Mutsu
    You have no right to be a leader
    when you call your comrades tools.
[21:33] Mutsu
    Don't underestimate the
    planet of the samurai.
SIGN    I don't need soldiers or citizens.
SIGN    As long as I have those,  I can conquer the galaxy.
SIGN    The samurai will soon learn
SIGN    why the Renho Army soldiers
SIGN    are feared as the white devils.
[22:03] Shin
    Renho Army?
[22:04] Shin
    Don't you mean Renho Federation?!
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Next Episode: Piggy Banks and Trash Cans
[23:41] Saka
    Next time:
[23:42] Saka
    Piggy banks and trash cans.
SIGN    So that's why they were called white devils.  The Renho Army was actually the Renho Federation.
SIGN    Wait, what would have happened if Sunrise  wasn't the studio making this show?

E234 - Piggy banks and trash cans
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Gintoki and the gang have followed the  missing Elizabeth into the Renho mothership.
SIGN    The evil lord Dark Vader prepares  to invade Earth. Can he be stopped?!
[01:43] Shin
    What are you doing, you three stooges?!
[01:45] Fumi
    Look out!
[01:49] Fumi
    It can't be!
[01:50] Fumi
    He was promoted for his work on Earth...
SIGN    You punks got spirit.
SIGN    Interested in becoming my men?
[01:57] Zura
    E-
[01:58] Zura
    Elizabeth!
SIGN    It appears that you Earthlings are  the ones who will lose their seeds.
[02:04] Mutsu
    You're the one who faces destruction.
SIGN    I commend you for having the courage to come alone into enemy territory.  I will grant you an up-close view of the destruction of Earth.
[02:05] Mutsu
    You have no right to be a leader
    when you call your comrades tools.
[02:10] Mutsu
    Don't underestimate the
    planet of the samurai.
SIGN    I don't need soldiers or citizens.
SIGN    As long as I have those,  I can conquer the galaxy.
SIGN    The samurai will soon learn
SIGN    why the Renho Army soldiers
SIGN    are feared as the white devils.
[02:22] Shin
    Renho Army?
[02:23] Shin
    Don't you mean the Renho Federation?!
SIGN    Piggy Banks and Trash Cans
[02:37] Fumi
    Quiet down.
[02:39] Fumi
    We managed to sneak all the way in here.
[02:41] Fumi
    Don't waste that for the sake of a joke.
[02:43] Shin
    Uh, wait, Fumiko-san!
[02:45] Shin
    This is why you're known
    as the white devils?!
[02:49] Fumi
    These are the new white outfits that were
    developed for the invasion of Earth.
[02:53] Fumi
    The anti-samurai weapon, Gunsam!
[02:57] Fumi
    They've made incredible
    progress while I was gone.
[03:00] Shin
    Uh, in the end, this is
    just a blatant rip-off!
[03:04] Shin
    Those look very familiar!
[03:06] Fumi
    Dark Vader intends to have the Gunsams
[03:08] Fumi
    attack Earth once the rain
    has left the planet in chaos.
[03:10] Fumi
    Earth won't last long
    against such an onslaught!
[03:14] Shin
    Uh, we won't last long against a
    copyright infringement lawsuit.
[03:17] Fumi
    Both were animated by Sunrise,
    so a lawsuit would go nowhere.
[03:22] Fumi
    They planned ahead.
[03:24] Shin
    That's plain evil!
[03:26] Fumi
    In any case, we have plenty
    of incentive to destroy those.
[03:31] Kagura
    How do we do that?
[03:33] Fumi
    We'll have to think of something.
[03:35] Fumi
    Before he...
[03:37] Fumi
    Before General Eren leads his strike
    force of Gunsams to attack Earth.
[03:42] Fumi
    I never imagined that he would become
    a general in such a short time.
[03:47] Shin
    And I never imagined that we would
    become Elizabeth's subordinates.
[03:53] Kagura
    Maybe Eli recognized us?
[03:56] Fumi
    He may do his job well, but
    he's always been rather dense.
[04:01] Fumi
    He couldn't even recognize his own girlfriend
[04:03] Fumi
    when I changed to a different color ribbon.
[04:05] Shin
    Uh, how is anyone supposed to pick you out?!
[04:08] Shin
    This is harder than trying to find Waldo!
[04:10] Kagura
    I see.
[04:11] ---
    So he won't recognize Shinpachi
    since he's a different color.
[04:14] Shin
    He'll recognize me!
[04:15] Shin
    He should recognize me when
    I'm sticking out of your head!
[04:17] Fumi
    Anyway, now that we're here,
    this is the perfect chance.
[04:21] Fumi
    I'll try to find a way
    to destroy the Gunsams.
[04:24] Fumi
    You do what you can to
    disable the three stooges
[04:26] Fumi
    and other pilots who are
    part of the strike force.
[04:29] Kagura
    Be careful, Cool Lady Fumi.
[04:31] Shin
    Okay...
[04:32] Shin
    Gin-san, did you hear all that?
[04:34] Gin
    Loyal soldiers of the Renho Army!
[04:38] Gin
    Thanks to our Elizabeth Rain,
[04:40] ---
    over half of the Earthlings
    are now trapped behind signs.
[04:44] Gin
    The clouds surrounding Earth
    are a symbol of our justice.
[04:49] Gin
    The Earth's military is but
    a shell of its former self.
[04:55] Gin
    Verily, I declare them to be trash!
[04:58] Zura
    Earthlings treasure their three M's above all.
[05:02] Zura
    Their money, their mothers,
    and their manhood.
[05:06] Zura
    We start by hitting them in their manhood
[05:08] Zura
    and immobilizing them.
[05:09] Zura
    Then we take their mothers hostage
[05:11] Zura
    and seize their money!
[05:13] Zura
    We can render them helpless!
[05:16] Saka
    On the battlefield, you have to
    rely on the voices of your allies.
[05:19] Saka
    Remember to ditch your signs and provide
    your comrades with vocal support.
[05:23] Saka
    And you're only allowed to
    bring 300 yen worth of snacks.
[05:26] Saka
    Don't forget your Gelgoog bag for
    when you get mobile suit sickness...
[05:30] Shin
    Why are you people teaching
    them how to defeat Earthlings?!
[05:34] Shin
    Why are you even here?!
[05:36] Shin
    You're clearly helping the wrong side!
[05:39] Gin
    You hit me!
[05:40] Gin
    Bright-san never hit me!
[05:43] Shin
    Most people haven't been hit by Bright!
[05:47] Saka
    Sorry.
[05:48] Saka
    I fell into my old habits after getting all
    fired up about about the upcoming battle.
[05:51] Shin
    What the hell were the wars like
    back when you were fighting?!
[05:54] Shin
    That last part was more or less
    instructions for a picnic!
SIGN    Teacher! Can we take our  PSPs onto the battlefield?
[05:59] Zura
    Okay, this is a battlefield, right?
[06:01] Zura
    So you should be playing battlefield
    games, if you get my drift.
SIGN    What?!
[06:05] Shin
    Why is this turning into a lecture?!
[06:07] Shin
    Who's the teacher?!
[06:08] Zura
    Fine, fine.
[06:10] Zura
    That concludes today's court-martial.
[06:13] Zura
    Everyone go outside for some Uno!
[06:15] Shin
    Why would you play Uno outside?!
[06:16] Shin
    Do you really want to play Uno?!
[06:18] Gin
    Don't worry, Alzabeth.
[06:20] Gin
    I'll move three times faster than usual.
[06:22] Shin
    That's not gonna help, you stupid Red Comet!
[06:25] Saka
    It's the job of a general to play some Uno
[06:26] Saka
    and help put the men in that zone
    between composure and passion.
[06:31] Shin
    You people are between dumb and dumber!
[06:36] Shin
    What is this?!
[06:37] Shin
    Why are you playing Uno with the invaders?!
[06:37] Gin
    I can see! I can see the enemy's hand!
[06:39] Shin
    Why are you bonding with them?!
[06:40] Kagura
    They're winning over the enemy.
[06:42] Gin
    Tsk, how can this be...
[06:43] Kagura
    They may have fallen, but they
    were stars during the Joi era.
SIGN    What a strange bunch.
[06:50] Shin
    Eli-
[06:51] Shin
    General Eren!
SIGN    You were able to sap away  the tension before a battle.
SIGN    You have the odd ability to draw  people in while doing stupid things.
SIGN    Or maybe they were drawn  in by your Earth smell.
SIGN    You were also working as  spies on Earth, right?
SIGN    The same goes for everyone in my squad.
SIGN    We were all ordered to infiltrate Earth  and make contact with Earthlings.
SIGN    Uno!
SIGN    And now we're trying to  destroy the people of Earth.
[07:18] Zura
    So everyone here loves Earth.
[07:21] Zura
    Otherwise, they wouldn't know the rules.
SIGN    Uno
[07:26] Shin
    Katsura-san...
SIGN    I also played a lot of Uno.
[07:34] Zura
    No!
SIGN    He would challenge me to a  game whenever we had time.
[07:37] Zura
    C-Can you let me redo that...
SIGN    But he sucked... I had to  let him win a few times.
SIGN    I guess I was already lying to him back then.
[07:44] Zura
    Do you regret it?
[07:46] Zura
    Then why...?
[07:48] Zura
    Everyone here found something
    important to them on Earth.
[07:52] Zura
    Everyone here has grown to care for Earth.
[07:54] Zura
    I-I am the same way.
[07:56] Zura
    So why are we invading Earth?
SIGN    ...I'll pretend I didn't hear that.
SIGN    The Renho purge all who express dissent.
SIGN    And keep your mouth shut. You  won't get another warning.
[08:09] Zura
    If the general were to show a sign,
    everyone would revolt together.
[08:15] Zura
    Nobody would have to
    worry about a purge then.
[08:19] Zura
    Is that what you're saying?
SIGN    I learned many things on Earth.
SIGN    Things that I wouldn't have learned 
    on this planet of cold steel.
SIGN    Defeat
SIGN    Many things that were warm to the touch.
SIGN    I learned many things from the person
SIGN    whom with I fought back-to-back.
SIGN    That's why I have no regrets.
SIGN    There is something I must protect.
SIGN    Even if it means destroying Earth.
SIGN    Even if it means fighting against him.
SIGN    A true friend will always  protect a friend's back.
SIGN    That is what I learned  from my friend on Earth.
[09:07] Zura
    Elizabeth...
SIGN    Attack Order In one hour, the entire armada will advance on Earth. All squadrons should immediately prepare for battle.
[09:31] Kagura
    W-We've been given the order to attack.
[09:34] Shin
    Already?!
[09:35] Shin
    What happened to Mutsu-san's negotiations?!
[09:39] Saka
    Mutsu, I see that you screwed up.
[09:41] Mutsu
    I bought you plenty of time.
[09:43] Mutsu
    You were able to come up with a plan, right?
[09:46] Saka
    You bet! The guy before me used a Draw 2,
[09:49] Saka
    so I tossed out a Draw 4,
[09:50] Saka
    but then he said that going by Earth
    rules, I could only use a Draw 2,
[09:54] Saka
    so I tore my Draw 4 in half.
[09:55] Mutsu
    The hell are you doing?!
[09:57] Mutsu
    I'm out here risking my life to buy you time!
[10:01] Mutsu
    What are we going to do?!
[10:02] Mutsu
    The Kaientai have been locked up!
[10:04] Mutsu
    We can't do anything!
[10:07] Zura
    You don't need to worry.
[10:08] Zura
    We're ready to go.
[10:10] Shin
    Katsura-san.
[10:11] Zura
    Relax...
[10:12] Zura
    Elizabeth is still Elizabeth.
[10:14] Zura
    The Elizabeth I believe in.
[10:17] Zura
    We've been separated due to our
    positions as Earthling and Renho,
SIGN    How do you write out Renho?
[10:23] Zura
    but we still believe in the same things.
SIGN    Don't look.
[10:26] Zura
    In that case, I can't let him down.
[10:30] Zura
    Not when my friend says
    that he believes in me.
[10:35] Zura
    I'll stop the Renho.
[10:38] Zura
    Even if it means cutting down Elizabeth.
[10:42] Gin
    Zura...
SIGN    What are you doing, Teacher? The general  is already on his way to the front lines.
[10:46] Zura
    Yes, I'm coming.
[10:50] Zura
    I'm going to stop Elizabeth's strike force.
[10:53] Kagura
    Wait, Zura!
[10:55] Kagura
    You're going to fight Eli?!
[10:56] Saka
    Yeah, knock yourself out, Zura.
[10:58] Gin
    While you're running cover,
[11:01] Gin
    we'll take out the big boss.
[11:03] Kagura
    Gin-chan! Moldie!
[11:05] Saka
    Doesn't matter how big the serpent
    is. Cut off its head and it'll stop.
[11:08] Saka
    Then we might not have to
    cut off its tail, Kintoki.
[11:11] Saka
    Well, that's only if we don't
    get choked to death first.
[11:16] Gin
    What are you babbling about?
[11:18] Gin
    Your brain was already choked to death.
[11:23] Zura
    Don't look back.
[11:28] Gin
    I won't.
[11:34] Zura
    You got my back.
[11:51] Kagura
    I guess we don't need to worry
    about the three stooges.
[11:55] Kagura
    In that case, we should
    help delay the soldiers.
[12:00] Shin
    And how is Katsura-san going
    to stop the strike force?
[12:04] Shin
    Is he going to use that thing?
[12:06] Shin
    Can he even pilot it?
[12:09] Fumi
    Alzabeth!
[12:11] Shin
    Fumiko-san!
[12:13] Fumi
    What's going on?
[12:15] Fumi
    Why did the attack start so soon?
[12:18] Shin
    Well...
[12:19] Fumi
    I don't believe it!
[12:21] Fumi
    Just a little longer and I could
    have disabled all of the Gunsams!
[12:25] Shin
    Huh? You were able to do
    something in such a short time?
[12:28] Fumi
    You helped divert the
    attention of the guards,
[12:31] Fumi
    so while I wasn't able to do
    anything to the mothership,
[12:33] Fumi
    I managed to sabotage the Gunsams.
[12:35] Shin
    What did you do?!
[13:07] Zura
    A-Amazing...
[13:09] Zura
    No wonder Vader is so taken by these.
[13:11] Zura
    Okay! Just you wait, Elizabeth!
[13:15] Zura
    Gunsam, ready to launch!
[13:19] Zura
    Katsura, heading out!
[13:26] Fumi
    What did I do?
[13:28] Fumi
    I placed bombs in them.
[13:35] Shin
    Ka-Katsura...
[13:38] Zura
    ...blew up!
SIGN    What is it?
SIGN    W-Well...
SIGN    The Gunsam that launched suddenly blew up...
SIGN    What?!
SIGN    Could it be that...
SIGN    they have other allies...?
SIGN    Spies!
SIGN    There are Earth spies on this ship!
SIGN    The attack is off!!
SIGN    Capture any suspicious rats  and make it run blood!!
SIGN    Don't let any of them escape!!
[14:16] Fumi
    In any case, we were able to delay them.
[14:19] Shin
    Uh, we lost one of our friends.
[14:22] Fumi
    But it's strange...
[14:23] Fumi
    The bomb I placed wasn't that strong, was it?
[14:27] Fumi
    It was only supposed to blow off a leg...
[14:30] Kagura
    Hm?
[14:30] Kagura
    Hey, look over there!
[14:35] Shin
    Wh-What is that?!
[14:38] Gin
    Hey, Tatsuma, don't tell me
    that you've lost your edge
[14:41] ---
    after becoming a merchant.
[14:43] Saka
    Can't really say.
[14:44] Saka
    I was always more of a peace
    lover compared to you boys.
[14:48] Saka
    My mind's sharp as a razor, but I can't be
    so confident about my ability with a blade.
[14:51] Gin
    I see.
[14:52] Gin
    So your mind and sword are both rusty.
SIGN    Hey, fools.
SIGN    What's going on?
SIGN    That's Dark Vader's office.
SIGN    What business do you have there?
SIGN    We have a message for him.
SIGN    What?! Did you find the spies?
[15:05] Saka
    No.
[15:11] Saka
    The samurai...
[15:13] Gin
    ...have invaded your planet.
SIGN    You're the ones from earlier!!
SIGN    I knew there was something  suspicious about you.
SIGN    To think that you were samurai...!!
SIGN    Why are you out here in space?!
[15:23] Saka
    You people didn't do enough research.
[15:27] Saka
    The samurai weren't wiped off Earth.
[15:30] Gin
    Have you forgotten the names of
    the Amanto's most dreaded enemies?
[15:35] Gin
    With our swords, we kept...
[15:37] Saka
    ...our country...
[15:38] Gin
    ...our friends...
[15:39] Saka
    ...our souls safe from the aliens.
[15:43] Saka
    The Joi patriot, Sakamoto Tatsuma.
[15:46] Gin
    Sakata Gintoki.
[15:49] Both
    We'll take you on!
[15:57] Gin
    This is a one night ceremony!
[15:59] Gin
    Tatsuma, show them that you
    haven't lost your edge!
[16:04] Saka
    Yeah, got it!
[16:06] Saka
    Time to go wild!
SIGN    Sakamoto Tatsuma
[16:10] Saka
    Excuse me, I'm Sakamoto Tatsuma,
    chief logistics officer for the Joi.
[16:15] Saka
    It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance.
[16:22] Saka
    I believe that you're one of the Double
    Dragons who lead this jolly group.
[16:25] Saka
    Are you on the right or left?
SIGN    I'm the right Dragon.
[16:28] Saka
    Oh, that must be rough.
[16:30] Saka
    You have to deal with the random gusts
    in right field at Koshien Stadium.
[16:36] Saka
    Well, I'm sure you have
    a story or two to tell.
[16:42] Gin
    What are you doing?!
[16:45] Saka
    Don't mind me. Carry on with your fun.
[16:48] Saka
    I have my own way of going wild.
SIGN    Prepare yourself!
[16:52] Gin
    Your own way of going wild?
[16:54] Gin
    I'm the only one fighting here!
SIGN    What are you trying to pull?
[16:59] Saka
    Well, just between you and me,
[17:02] Saka
    I was only pretending to
    want to protect Earth.
[17:06] Saka
    Truth is that I came all
    the way here to do business.
SIGN    Business?
[17:11] Saka
    Yes, I consider space to be home.
[17:16] Saka
    So I feel no attachment to Earth.
SIGN    You're going to sell Earth? That's what your  subordinate said when you first snuck on board.
[17:21] Saka
    Please, she's a fledgling who
    knows nothing about business.
[17:25] Saka
    She always snaps when a
    deal doesn't go her way.
[17:28] Saka
    However, now I know what you people want.
SIGN    What?
[17:32] Saka
    You want a weapon that will be more useful
[17:35] Saka
    than those white devils
    for the invasion of Earth.
[17:37] Saka
    Isn't that right?
[17:38] Saka
    I have the perfect thing!
[17:42] Saka
    Yes!
[17:43] Saka
    To counter your white devils,
    I offer a white demon.
[17:47] Saka
    The White Yaksha.
[17:49] Saka
    I've colored him completely
    white to satisfy your needs.
[17:55] Gin
    What the hell are you talking about?!
[17:58] Saka
    And I'll even include the weapon
    of self destruction, Zura,
[18:01] Saka
    and the adult toy, Sakamoldie.
[18:04] Saka
    It's an amazing deal!
SIGN    Is this some kind of joke?
[18:09] Saka
    I would never joke about selling my friends.
[18:11] Saka
    Why not have the White Yaksha
    and White Devil fight it out?
[18:15] Saka
    That man doesn't give a damn about Earth.
SIGN    Now to finish him!
[18:20] Saka
    He's a demon who's capable of
[18:22] ---
    crushing an Earth or two for
    the sake of his friends.
[18:26] Saka
    If you don't buy him,
    he'll crush your planet.
[18:30] Saka
    But if we join forces, we can take over
    Earth or any planet of your choice.
SIGN    Nonsense! After invading our planet,  you now offer to help us take Earth?
[18:40] Saka
    Sure thing.
[18:42] Saka
    If we keep fighting, we'll just
    weaken our forces for nothing.
[18:46] Saka
    If you provide another place
    for the Earthlings to live,
[18:51] Saka
    we'll give you Earth in a split second.
[18:54] Saka
    Planets are just a place
    for people to stand on.
[18:57] Saka
    A planet is just a rock.
[18:59] Saka
    Takes people to make it a world.
[19:01] Saka
    You can have all the piggy banks you want.
[19:05] Saka
    I'm only interested in what's inside.
[19:08] Saka
    Well, there definitely isn't gold inside.
[19:11] Saka
    Just a bunch of old scarred steel.
[19:15] Saka
    But I consider that steel the greatest
    treasure there could ever be.
SIGN    Joi patriots?
SIGN    They weren't in the data  provided by the advance scouts.
SIGN    Reinforce our troops.
SIGN    Grind the Earthlings into space dust.
SIGN    M-My lord!!
SIGN    B-Behind you!!
[19:45] Shin
    Th-That's...
SIGN    What...?
SIGN    ...is that?
[19:55] Shin
    E-Earth is...
SIGN    Smiling.
[20:06] A
    Huh? Your face is...
[20:08] B
    And you're talking.
[20:10] A
    Y-You're right! My voice!
[20:11] A
    My face is back to normal!
[20:15] B
    This is a rain from the heavens!
[20:16] A
    The gods haven't abandoned us yet!
[20:20] Hana
    Are you watching this?
[20:22] Hana
    The people who lost their
    voices are recovering!
[20:26] Hana
    It's wonderful! So wonderful!
SIGN    Th-This is!!
SIGN    M-My Lord!!
[20:29] Hana
    Wonderful for me!
[20:30] Hana
    Wonderful for you!
[20:31] Hana
    Wonderful for everyone!
[20:32] Shin
    Th-The clouds...
[20:35] Shin
    The clouds that were covering
    Earth have dissipated...
SIGN    To my home planet.
SIGN    To my friend.
SIGN    From Space,
SIGN    with love.
SIGN    It appears that those rats weren't the  only ones with a trick up their sleeves.
[21:30] Katsura
    That's...
SIGN    You fooled me.
[21:33] Eli
    I fooled no one.
[21:36] Eli
    The words written on that planet aren't
[21:38] ---
    the words of a spy, a general, or a Renho.
[21:41] Eli
    They're Elizabeth's first
    and last words of truth!
[21:49] Zura
    Elizabeth!
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Next Episode
[23:30] Eli
    Dark Vader finally reveals his
    true power and attacks the Gunsam.
[23:34] Eli
    The battles that ensue inspires terror
[23:37] Eli
    that Katsura and Eren have
    never experienced before!
[23:40] Eli
    Next time: Empty planet.
SIGN    Empty Planet
[23:42] Eli
    Will you survive?
SIGN    Speaking of which, will this  anime be able to survive?
SIGN    When we first started Gintama, we  figured there would never be any mecha.
[3:04:10] ---
    -

E235 - Empty planet
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:02] Zura
    Katsura, heading out!
[00:10] Gin
    This is a one night ceremony!
[00:12] Gin
    Tatsuma, show them that you 
    haven't lost your edge!
[00:16] Saka
    Yeah, got it!
[00:18] Saka
    Time to go wild!
[00:21] B
    This is a rain from the heavens!
[00:23] Shin
    Th-The clouds...
[00:25] Shin
    The clouds that were covering
    Earth have dissipated.
SIGN    You fooled me.
[00:32] Eli
    I fooled no one.
[00:35] Eli
    The words written on that
    planet aren't the words
[00:37] ---
    of a spy, a general, or a Renho.
[00:40] Eli
    They're Elizabeth's first
    and last words of truth!
[00:47] Zura
    Elizabeth!
SIGN    Dark Vader's nefarious plot has been  halted by his fellow Renho, Elizabeth!!
SIGN    A one-man rebellion has been started by someone who  betrayed his home planet for the sake of his loved ones!!
SIGN    Empty Planet
[02:42] Shin
    Someone else...
[02:43] Shin
    Someone else is starting a rebellion!
[02:46] Shin
    Who is it?
[02:47] Fumi
    One of the spies who infiltrated Earth
[02:49] Fumi
    tampered with the seeds to make this happen.
[02:53] Fumi
    Only one person was in a
    position to make that happen.
SIGN    What... General Eren...?
[02:57] Fumi
    There was also that explosion.
SIGN    Is a rebel?!
SIGN    Launch in the Gunsams and  shoot down the traitor!!
[03:00] Fumi
    It wasn't my bomb that blew up.
[03:05] Fumi
    As the leader of the Gunsam
    force for invading Earth,
[03:09] Fumi
    he was able to secretly sabotage them.
SIGN    Hey! Look!
SIGN    My fellow Earth lovers. This is my final order as a  general. Escape immediately. Don't throw your lives away.
SIGN    What... General Eren...?
SIGN    Th-The Gunsams!
[03:23] Fumi
    This was his plan from the beginning.
[03:26] Fumi
    He lied to you and betrayed you,
[03:29] Fumi
    so he could return to the Renho
    and stop the invasion of Earth.
SIGN    Curse you, traitor!
[03:34] Fumi
    And he did in a way that
    would stop his own men,
SIGN    Launch in the remaining ships!
[03:37] ---
    who also loved Earth, from rebelling,
[03:41] Fumi
    in order to take on the root
    of all evil, Dark Vader.
[03:48] Fumi
    He chose to betray both of his homes
[03:52] ---
    to protect his Earth and Renho friends.
SIGN    I see.
SIGN    You rose to the rank of general  so you could stop my plan.
SIGN    You were locked onto my head  with the eyes of a tiger.
[04:12] Dark
    Eren, you thought you could
    take my head so easily?
[04:18] Dark
    You thought it would be so
    easy to change the world?
[04:25] Dark
    Nothing has changed.
[04:27] Dark
    Earth's fate will be the same,
[04:29] Dark
    as will the fate of the Renho.
[04:34] Dark
    You may have left your qualms back on Earth,
[04:39] Dark
    but are you prepared to give
    your life to take mine?
[04:42] Eli
    You've only taken out my main camera!
[04:47] Vader
    Don't make me laugh!
[04:48] Vader
    Eren, you are the only one who will die here.
[04:52] Vader
    You have deceived and
    betrayed your loved ones for
[04:55] ---
    the sake of your loved ones.
[04:57] Vader
    You turned your back on Earth and the Renho.
[05:02] Vader
    You are alone in this giant universe.
[05:06] Vader
    You have no allies.
[05:09] Vader
    No one is watching you. Nothing will change.
[05:13] Vader
    You will simply die alone.
[05:27] Vader
    Eren!
[05:29] Vader
    Curse you...
[05:39] Eli
    Vader, you're absolutely right.
[05:42] Eli
    I've been lying to myself
    and betraying my friends.
[05:49] Eli
    I no longer know who I am.
[05:54] Eli
    But that is fine.
[05:56] Eli
    I may no longer have a planet to call home,
[05:59] Eli
    I may no longer have an identity,
[06:02] Eli
    but if I can die as Katsura-san's friend,
[06:05] Eli
    that's good enough.
[06:09] Vader
    Then die!
[06:11] Vader
    Die with no friends in
    the dark void of space!
[06:16] Zura
    He has a friend right here!
[06:19] Zura
    It doesn't matter if you're in a dark place
[06:22] ---
    or at the farthest reaches of the universe!
[06:27] Zura
    I told you that I've got your back!
SIGN    Ka...
[06:32] Eli
    -tsura-san...
[06:34] Zura
    It's not Tsura, it's Katsura.
[06:36] Eli
    Wait, how are you reading my mind?
[06:39] Eli
    Are you a Newtype?
[06:41] Eli
    Why?
[06:42] Eli
    I told you not to look!
[06:45] Eli
    You weren't supposed to remember!
[06:48] Eli
    Why am I...
[06:52] Eli
    ...crying?
[06:55] Zura
    It must be like when a parent starts crying
[06:58] Zura
    when he sees his child fall
    down because it must hurt.
[07:03] Eli
    This is a really stupid Newtype conversation!
[07:07] Zura
    Oh, I can see time!
[07:10] Eli
    Uh, could you stop ruining this moment?!
[07:13] Zura
    Elizabeth!
[07:15] Eli
    Katsura-san!
[07:22] Vader
    The rat took the bait.
[07:26] Vader
    I've been waiting for this moment!
[07:30] Zura
    He repaired himself?!
[07:31] Zura
    I-Is he a cyborg?!
[07:34] Vader
    Fire!
[07:35] Vader
    Reduce them all to space dust!
[07:39] Mutsu
    Oh, no! The fleet is in position!
[07:41] Mutsu
    Hurry!
[07:42] Kagura
    There's no hope!
[07:43] Kagura
    It's too late!
[07:46] Zura
    Elizabeth!
[08:00] Vader
    Y-You bastards...
[08:03] Vader
    What is...
[08:05] Vader
    ...the meaning of this?
[08:09] Zura
    I-Impossible...
[08:11] Zura
    The enemy fleet fired on Dark Vader?
[08:18] Saka
    Dark Vader, you're the
    one who's alone in space!
[08:24] Saka
    Sorry to keep you waiting, Zura.
[08:26] Saka
    We've formed the Renth Alliance!
[08:27] Zura
    Sakamoto!
[08:29] Vader
    C-Curse you!
SIGN    Dark Vader, you said
SIGN    that the Renho were nothing more  than tools for conquering Earth.
SIGN    But the people of Earth said
SIGN    that they would be willing to give up a planet  or two for the sake of their fellow Earthlings.
SIGN    That friends
SIGN    were a treasure that could never be replaced.
SIGN    We could kill the Earthlings and  make their planet our new home,
SIGN    but is there any value in  a planet with no friends?
SIGN    Samurai, don't forget your promise.
[08:54] Saka
    Yeah, we'll help you conquer
    any planet you choose.
SIGN    In that case...
[09:00] A
    In that case,
[09:01] A
    will you join
[09:03] B
    our comrade,
[09:06] ---
    who has protected our second home,
[09:09] ---
    Earth, the Renho pride, and his Renho comrades all alone!
[09:13] D
    Will you help us join our friend
    in conquering that empty planet?
[09:19] Saka
    Consider it done.
[09:21] Saka
    Renth Alliance, clause one.
[09:23] Saka
    When Earthlings and Renho
    play Uno, follow space rules.
[09:28] Saka
    Clause two.
[09:29] Saka
    When Renho are visiting Earth, let them play
[09:33] ---
    SNES games along with the NES games.
[09:36] Saka
    In other words, we're buddies now.
[09:40] Shin
    In other words, you used
    ActRaiser to string them along!
[09:44] Shin
    What kind of alliance is this?!
[09:46] Saka
    On Earth, you can eat all
    the ActRaiser you want!
[09:49] All
    Yeah!
[09:50] Shin
    What's wrong with this planet?!
[09:52] Shin
    They betrayed their leader for ActRaiser!
[09:56] Mutsu
    Force and ideas won't make people change.
[09:59] Mutsu
    It comes down to personal
    benefit and connections, huh?
[10:03] Mutsu
    His business deals are always stupid.
[10:06] Fumi
    Eren, we weren't able to take Earth,
[10:14] Fumi
    but I guess
[10:16] ---
    we've found something much more important.
SIGN    Katsura-san...
[10:22] Zura
    Don't say a word.
[10:23] Zura
    You and I were just doing what was right.
[10:27] Zura
    We chose to do the honorable thing.
[10:31] Zura
    There's no need for apologizes or farewells.
[10:34] Zura
    The only words we need are...
SIGN    Thank you bunny.
[10:38] Zura
    OC!
[10:46] Zura
    Let's go, Elizabeth!
[10:48] Zura
    With our friends on Earth,
[10:49] Zura
    and all our friends in the universe!
[10:52] Zura
    Fire!
[10:57] Vader
    C-Curse you all!
[11:00] Vader
    You intend to destroy your own planet
    for the sake of your friends?
[11:05] Vader
    How will your tribe survive
[11:07] Vader
    when you are trapped in the void
    with no place to call home?
[11:12] Vader
    You need this star... You need me!
[11:20] Gin
    You can have this empty shell.
[11:23] Gin
    It'll be your coffin.
[11:26] Gin
    Nobody will mourn you!
[11:28] Gin
    Nobody will remember you!
[11:31] Gin
    You're going to die an empty death
[11:32] Gin
    on your empty planet!
[11:34] Vader
    You will be the ones who die, samurai!
[12:24] A
    Did we kill him?
[12:26] B
    The planet is falling apart...
SIGN    No, it isn't falling apart.
[12:30] Zura
    What? What do you mean?
[12:37] Vader
    As I said...
[12:39] Vader
    You can defeat me, but nothing will change!
[12:42] Vader
    What?!
[12:43] Vader
    Dark Vader was just like the rest of you.
[12:46] Vader
    Nothing more than my puppet.
[12:49] Vader
    And he wasn't the only one.
[12:51] Vader
    Every leader on this planet
[12:56] ---
    has been a hollow receptacle of my creation.
[13:02] Vader
    Have you not realized yet?
[13:04] Vader
    You have made an enemy
[13:07] Vader
    of the planet itself!
[13:10] Zura
    I-Impossible! The planet
[13:13] Zura
    transformed into a giant Renho!
[13:16] Eli
    V-Vader, could it be...
[13:20] Eli
    The Renho mothership's central system, Sagi.
[13:23] Eli
    That is the true identity of Vader...
[13:25] Eli
    No, the true identity of every
    false ruler over the Renho!
[13:30] Zura
    Huh?
[13:32] Eli
    Long ago, the planet of the Renho
    was destroyed in a great war,
[13:36] Eli
    and ever since, we have
    lived on this metal planet.
[13:39] Eli
    That was when we created Sagi.
[13:42] Eli
    The brain of the planet, which
    controlled the environment
[13:45] Eli
    and developed a road map for our survival.
[13:50] Eli
    But Sagi went berserk and
    began to create leaders
[13:57] Eli
    as tools for implementing the
    most effective survival strategy.
[14:04] Eli
    Eventually, this became tradition.
[14:10] Eli
    The people were forced to
    become silent soldiers.
[14:13] Eli
    Yes, we Renho were created by Sagi.
[14:17] Eli
    He considered us to be nothing
    more than empty tools.
[14:22] Eli
    Tools that could easily be
    replaced, just like this machine.
[14:26] Eli
    He believes that he can ensure
    the survival of our tribe
[14:30] ---
    by taking over a rich planet.
[14:33] Eli
    But now that his tools
    have turned against him,
[14:37] Eli
    Sagi must resort to using another tool.
[14:41] Eli
    The ultimate tool, the planet itself!
[14:47] Vader
    I no longer need you worthless defects!
[14:51] Vader
    I will simply conquer Earth myself!
[14:55] Vader
    The technology of the Gunsams has
[14:58] ---
    been perfected in this ultimate weapon,
[15:01] Vader
    the White Lucifer!
[15:03] Vader
    With this power, I can conquer
    Earth, no, the universe, by myself!
[15:08] Vader
    Once my loyal troops have
    eliminated you defects and
[15:14] ---
    the universe falls into my hands,
[15:16] Vader
    the Renho will have eternal glory!
[15:22] Saka
    I promised to conquer the planet,
[15:24] ---
    but I didn't think we'd actually
    have to fight the planet.
[15:28] Saka
    White Lucifer vs. White Wavy Hair.
[15:31] Saka
    This should be a grand show!
[15:35] Gin
    Don't call me White Wavy Hair!
[15:37] Gin
    How are we supposed to
    fight that Renho monster?
[15:40] Gin
    Oh, I see a Dombo three times
    dumber than a normal Dombo.
[15:44] Gin
    Why don't you head out there?
[15:46] Saka
    Gintoki, Earth is finished at this rate.
[15:50] Saka
    I'm gonna skip the fight
    and go visit Club Smile.
[15:54] Gin
    There isn't much point in leaving
    behind your worthless genes.
[15:57] Gin
    And there isn't enough time left.
[16:00] Saka
    It'll be okay.
[16:01] ---
    If I thrust three times faster than normal...
[16:03] Kagura
    Hey, stop whining like babies!
[16:06] Mutsu
    Men always lose their balls when
    their back is against the wall.
[16:10] Gin
    You telling me that I've lost my balls?!
[16:12] Gin
    You ever seen me use my balls?!
[16:15] Gin
    Want my balls in your face?!
[16:17] Mutsu
    What are you talking about?
[16:19] Mutsu
    Anyway, are you riding Kairinmaru?
[16:22] Saka
    I'm riding a blond babe!
[16:25] Saka
    Don't make fun of me!
[16:26] Mutsu
    Good.
[16:27] Mutsu
    The members of the Kaientai were
    able to escape at the last second,
[16:29] Mutsu
    and we're back on the ship.
[16:31] Mutsu
    We can join up.
[16:33] Mutsu
    I have one final plan.
[16:34] Mutsu
    This is the only way to
    protect Earth and the Renho!
[16:39] Saka
    What? Join up and make babies?
[16:41] Saka
    I'm not going to fuse with you!
[16:44] Mutsu
    You almost had it.
[17:29] Saka
    Huh? What is this?
[17:30] Saka
    Uh, the ship is transforming?!
[17:35] Gin
    Huh? What is this?!
[17:37] Gin
    That ship's also transforming?!
[17:48] Saka
    Hey, Mutsu!
[17:49] Saka
    What is this?!
[17:50] Saka
    Nobody told me this would happen!
[18:27] Mutsu
    You almost had it.
[18:28] Mutsu
    We aren't fusing to make babies.
[18:30] Mutsu
    We're fusing to make a robot.
[18:36] Zura
    Th-That's...
[18:38] Zura
    Impossible...
[18:39] Zura
    That's...
[18:42] All
    What is that giant robot?!
[18:46] Mutsu
    This is Earth's, the Renho's...
[18:49] Mutsu
    No,
[18:51] ---
    the universe's final hope!
[18:54] Mutsu
    The Galactic Merchant Fleet Robot!
[18:56] Mutsu
    Kaien!
[19:02] Shin
    What is this Galactic Merchant Fleet?!
[19:05] Shin
    Why are merchant ships
    fusing into a giant robot?!
[19:07] Shin
    What kind of merchants are you?!
[19:10] Mutsu
    There's nothing standard about
    doing business in space.
[19:12] Mutsu
    Good thing I modified our fleet,
[19:15] Mutsu
    since I was expecting to have to deal
    with giant aliens at some point.
[19:18] Shin
    Standard?! This has nothing
    to do with what's standard!
[19:22] Shin
    This is turning into a
    completely different show!
[19:25] Saka
    Mutsu!
[19:26] Saka
    What have you done to my
    poor little Kairinmaru?!
[19:30] Saka
    You're not supposed to do anything to the
    ship without the captain's permission!
[19:33] Saka
    It's shaking so hard that...
[19:36] Mutsu
    A captain would actually be on his ship
[19:38] Mutsu
    instead of visiting hostess
    clubs around the universe.
[19:42] Mutsu
    You're more like a producer.
[19:46] Mutsu
    Then I'll leave the bridge to you.
[19:48] All
    Yes, ma'am!
[19:49] All
    Best of luck, Captain!
[19:51] Shin
    They're calling her Captain now!
[19:54] Mutsu
    Let's get going then!
[19:56] Shin
    Huh? Huh?
[19:56] Shin
    Wh-What?!
[20:01] Shin
    Wh-Where are we?
[20:03] Mutsu
    Is everyone in their cockpits?
[20:05] Mutsu
    Listen carefully.
[20:06] Mutsu
    Kaien is so big that it's been
    divided into six sectors.
[20:10] Mutsu
    I need you to pilot these six sectors.
[20:16] Mutsu
    Kagura and I will handle
    the right and left legs.
[20:19] Mutsu
    The two fuzzheads get
    the right and left arms.
[20:22] Gin
    Hey! You girls know how to
    control a man's lower body?!
[20:26] Gin
    This ain't the Nurarihyon you're used to!
[20:29] Mutsu
    Don't worry.
[20:30] Mutsu
    I assigned the dirty woman to the crotch.
[20:32] Shin
    Why does this robot need
    a pilot in the crotch?!
[20:35] Mutsu
    This is our last chance!
[20:37] Mutsu
    We must join our power
    together in this Kaien,
[20:40] Mutsu
    defeat Vader, that planet,
[20:42] Mutsu
    and return to Earth with smiles on our faces!
[20:45] Shin
    Uh, excuse me.
[20:46] Shin
    Sorry to ruin the moment,
[20:49] Shin
    but I'm the only one who
    hasn't been assigned a spot.
[20:51] Mutsu
    Oh, I forgot. Sorry.
[20:53] Shin
    Uh, what am I piloting?
[20:56] Mutsu
    You're, uh...
[20:59] Mutsu
    A pimple.
[21:03] Shin
    Again?!
[21:05] Shin
    Hold on!
[21:06] Shin
    Why does a robot have a pimple?!
[21:09] Shin
    Why would a pimple need a pilot?!
[21:12] Mutsu
    Kaien responds to the
    movements of the pilots.
[21:16] Mutsu
    You should act like a pimple and stay still.
[21:18] Shin
    Is there any point to that?!
[21:21] Gin
    Tsk, guess we don't have a choice.
[21:24] Saka
    Yeah! This is my last big deal!
[21:27] Mutsu
    We're going to create our own future!
[21:29] Kagura
    Everyone ready?
[21:36] All
    Kaien!
[21:41] Fumi
    Oh, yes!
[21:51] Shin
    Kaien! That was too fast!
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Next Episode
[23:30] Zura
    Eren... No, Elizabeth...
[23:33] Zura
    You may be tens of thousands
    of light-years away,
[23:36] Zura
    everyone may have forgotten about you,
[23:38] Zura
    but I will never...
[23:41] Zura
    Next time:
SIGN    Don't Say Goodbye Lionel Will You Survive
[23:42] Zura
    Don't say goodbye Lionel Will you survive?
SIGN    Behold, our Kaien! Fight on again, Kaien!
SIGN    Next time, the Renho arc will finally end!!

E236 - Don't say good-bye Lionel
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:30] Gin
    Guess we don't have a choice.
[01:32] Saka
    Yeah! This is my last big deal!
[01:35] Mutsu
    We're going to create our own future!
[01:36] Kagura
    Everyone ready?
[01:39] All
    Kaien!
[01:44] Fumi
    Oh, yes!
[01:53] Shin
    Kaien! That was too fast!
SIGN    Don't Say Goodbye Lionel
[02:04] Shin
    Nothing's even happened and
    we already blew our load?!
[02:09] Shin
    The dirty woman shot it all over his face!
[02:12] Vader
    Curse you!
[02:14] Vader
    It's rude to start right off with a facial.
[02:16] Vader
    You thought you could use
    your limited knowledge
[02:19] Vader
    from dirty magazines and porn to defeat me?!
[02:23] Shin
    Here it comes!
[02:24] Shin
    Hurry! Move out of the way!
[02:26] Saka
    Who does what when we want to dodge?!
[02:29] Gin
    Everybody just dodge!
[02:32] Gin
    Combine our power!
[02:36] All
    Let's go!
[02:42] Kaien
    The name is Kaien, from the Kaientai!
[02:45] Kaien
    I look forward to doing business with you!
[02:46] Shin
    We combined our idiocy!
[02:51] Shin
    H-He dodged it!
[02:53] Shin
    He miraculously dodged the beam when
    he presented his business card!
SIGN    Kaien
[02:56] Shin
    Why is this robot handing out business
    cards in the middle of a fight?!
[03:00] Mutsu
    Kaien was built for dealing
    with giant clients.
[03:05] Mutsu
    It's only capable of doing business.
[03:06] Shin
    How are we supposed to fight then?!
[03:11] Shin
    Here it comes!
[03:12] Shin
    Here comes the second wave!
[03:13] Mutsu
    Time for you to learn that
    business is also a fight!
[03:17] Mutsu
    Let's do this, Kagura!
[03:18] Kagura
    Okay, Mucchi!
[03:23] Kaien
    Galactic Merchant Lesson 1!
[03:25] Kaien
    Businesses are built from the bottom up!
[03:27] Kaien
    You have to do legwork to make money!
[03:30] Kaien
    Even when your customers yell and
    scream at you, never give up!
[03:34] Kaien
    Never cry!
[03:35] Kaien
    Never stop moving those legs!
[03:40] Kaien
    Keep running until they've
    felt your merchant soul!
[03:49] A
    I-It kicked the missile back!
[03:53] Shin
    Kagura-chan! Mutsu-san!
[03:58] Mutsu
    I guess this is it.
[04:00] Kagura
    The rest is up to you, boys.
[04:02] Shin
    Kagura-chan! Mutsu-san!
[04:05] Vader
    Curse you, you piece of junk!
[04:09] Vader
    It's too late to resist now!
[04:15] Kaien
    Galactic Merchant Lesson 2!
[04:19] Kaien
    Even when you're up close with a customer
    and on the verge of making a deal,
[04:23] Kaien
    the customer won't make it easy for you.
[04:26] Kaien
    When they give you suspicious looks,
[04:28] Kaien
    when they turn down your proposals,
[04:31] Kaien
    never give up!
[04:33] Kaien
    Never cry!
[04:34] Kaien
    Never close off your heart!
[04:48] Shin
    Sakamoto-san!
[04:50] Kaien
    You will find your answer when
    your back is against the wall
[04:53] Kaien
    in the form of a single ray of light
[04:58] Kaien
    shooting from the bloody whirlwind!
[05:04] Shin
    Gin-san!
[05:07] Gin
    Pachi-boy, show them how strong we are.
[05:12] Vader
    How annoying.
[05:14] Vader
    You sacrificed yourself to disable my arms?
[05:18] Vader
    However, you can't move either when
    all you have left is a pimple.
[05:24] Vader
    Your luck has run out.
[05:30] Kaien
    Galactic Merchant Lesson 3!
[05:34] Vader
    I-Impossible! The pimple...!
[05:37] Kaien
    If you want your customers
    to open up, you must first...
[05:48] Kaien
    ...open up yourself!
[05:51] Shin
    No signs.
[05:52] Shin
    No script.
[05:55] Shin
    Use your own words to express yourself!
[06:00] A
    True freedom for the Renho!
[06:02] B
    Bring peace to earth, to the universe!
[06:05] C
    Actraiser three meals a day!
[06:08] Zura
    I join my friends...
[06:13] Zura
    For tomorrow!
[06:23] Vader
    C-Curse you all!
[06:28] Fumi
    Everyone's spilling their guts.
[06:31] Fumi
    Shouldn't you join in, Sagi?
[06:35] Vader
    H-How can this be?
[06:38] Vader
    Was it during that first attack?
[06:41] Fumi
    This was the only way I could
    protect everyone from your attack.
[06:46] Vader
    You intend to die here with me?!
[06:49] Fumi
    I have no regrets.
[06:50] Fumi
    Our planet may be gone,
    but we have a new home.
[06:55] Fumi
    A planet which has welcomed
    us with many smiles.
[07:00] Vader
    Curse you!
[07:02] Fumi
    Well, I've revealed my
    most embarrassing secret!
[07:06] Fumi
    It's your turn now!
[07:09] Fumi
    Show me your naughty parts.
[07:13] Vader
    St-Stop this!
[07:21] Fumi
    Everyone watch me!
[07:24] Fumi
    This is the last time I expose myself!
[07:27] Fumi
    Peek inside!
[07:31] Shin
    Th-The planet's core...
[07:34] Kagura
    Cool Lady Fumiko!
[07:37] Fumi
    Eren... Everyone...
[07:40] Fumi
    I was finally able to write the
    story I've always wanted to write.
[07:46] Fumi
    With the universe as a canvas,
[07:48] Fumi
    I can write a story about how we become
[07:51] ---
    friends with the Earthlings.
[07:53] Fumi
    And I have everyone helping me.
SIGN    Don't look.
[08:29] Zura
    Don't look.
[08:33] Zura
    I found this in the room.
[08:37] Zura
    What is it that I'm not supposed to look for?
[08:41] Zura
    Or does it count as looking when
    I'm looking for whatever it is
[08:45] Zura
    that I'm not supposed to be looking for?
[08:48] Zura
    In that case, I'll have to look for someone
    to look for what I'm not supposed to look for,
[08:51] Zura
    before deciding if I should
    look or if I should not look.
[08:56] Zura
    So I'm looking for someone who's
    willing to look for the answer.
[08:59] Zura
    But if I'm not supposed to look,
[09:01] Zura
    then I can't look for the
    someone to look for the someone
[09:03] Zura
    to look for the someone to look for the...
[09:06] Gin
    You're making this too hard.
[09:07] Shin
    It's like you're lost in a
    maze of what not to look for.
[09:10] Zura
    Don't look...
[09:12] Gin
    I won't.
[09:13] Gin
    It's pretty obvious what this is.
[09:15] Gin
    He ran away from home.
[09:16] Zura
    R-Ran away from home?!
[09:19] Zura
    Impossible! Unfathomable!
[09:20] Zura
    He had no reason to be unhappy!
[09:24] Zura
    The last time I saw him...
[09:27] Zura
    Th-The last...
[09:31] Zura
    Who was he?
[09:36] Gin
    Beats me.
[09:51] A
    General Eren!
[09:56] A
    Hey! General Eren is awake!
[09:59] A
    This is wonderful!
[10:01] A
    We've been so worried, General!
SIGN    Where are we...
[10:05] A
    We are on the battleship White-Zabeth.
[10:07] A
    Currently, we are in the process
    of retrieving survivors.
[10:12] A
    You don't remember?
[10:14] A
    The planet was destroyed
    when Sagi was eradicated.
[10:17] A
    You were caught in the ensuing explosion.
[10:23] A
    The Earthlings who helped
    us are also unconscious.
SIGN    What about Fumiko...
SIGN    What about Fumiko...
SIGN    I see...
SIGN    So in the end,
SIGN    they were the ones who saved me,  instead of the other way around.
[10:41] A
    No, you gave us the courage to stand up.
[10:47] A
    You,
[10:48] A
    the Earthlings,
[10:50] A
    and Fumiko
[10:51] A
    are all heroes who protected
    the pride of the Renho.
[10:57] Gin
    That guy always has to make a fuss.
[11:00] Shin
    But what was that all about?
[11:03] Gin
    Probably some kind of prank.
[11:05] Shin
    Maybe it's my imagination,
[11:07] Shin
    but it feels like something is missing.
[11:09] Kagura
    Huh?
[11:10] Shin
    Well, I thought there was usually
    someone next to Katsura-san...
[11:15] Gin
    Ow, my head...
[11:18] Shin
    Are you okay?
[11:20] Shin
    And why are we so injured?
[11:23] Kagura
    Your heads have been injured
    since the first episode.
[11:27] A
    Wh-What are you saying, General Eren?!
[11:31] A
    You're going to stay here
    instead of returning to Earth?!
[11:33] A
    For what purpose?!
[11:35] B
    We have finally earned our freedom from Sagi!
[11:38] B
    There's nothing to chain us down!
[11:40] B
    So why?!
[11:41] Right
    General, you have set us free.
[11:45] Right
    So we believe that you should also live free.
[11:47] Right
    Discard that white costume.
[11:50] Right
    Live with your friends without
    having to lie to yourself.
[11:55] Left
    You don't need to worry about us.
[11:56] Left
    Even after you're gone, we can still make
[11:59] ---
    a planet that is just as wonderful as Earth!
SIGN    Our battle hasn't ended.
SIGN    We've been thrown into the void  of space with nothing to our name.
SIGN    However, this is the path we've chosen.
SIGN    After sacrificing our friends, our planet...
SIGN    We've decided to live by our own rules,
SIGN    the way the samurai do.
SIGN    This white outfit will be my first vow.
SIGN    For the sake of our friends who risked 
    their lives for our freedom...
SIGN    I promise
SIGN    as the last Renho, as the last tool of war,
SIGN    to devote my life to protecting that freedom.
[12:48] Right
    You're giving up your own freedom
[12:51] ---
    to protect the freedom of the Renho?
[12:54] A
    But what about them?!
[12:57] A
    The friends who fought to save Earth,
    to save the Renho, to save you!
SIGN    Yes.
SIGN    They are my friends.
SIGN    And we always will be,
SIGN    no matter how far apart we are.
[13:11] Saka
    Yeah, I appreciate all the help, Kintoki.
[13:14] Gin
    I don't remember helping you, and I
    don't remember my name being Kintoki.
[13:18] Saka
    Really? I must have been helping you then.
[13:22] Gin
    That makes even less sense.
[13:24] Saka
    I feel like a war just ended.
[13:28] Saka
    And we were able to take
    back something important...
[13:34] Saka
    Kintoki, have we forgotten
    something important?
[13:40] Gin
    Yeah, you've forgotten my name?
[13:43] Gin
    And was your ship always this lame-looking?
[13:48] Saka
    Ah!
[13:48] Saka
    Mutsu! Y-You modified the ship
    without my permission again?!
[13:59] Eli
    Katsura-san...
[14:00] Eli
    I'm sorry.
[14:03] Eli
    This is why I didn't want you to look for me.
[14:05] Eli
    This is why I didn't want you to remember me.
[14:08] Eli
    Because my mind was already made up.
[14:12] Eli
    Because I won't be returning to Earth.
[14:14] Eli
    Because my resolve wavers
    every time I see your face.
[14:19] Eli
    But you followed me all the way out here!
[14:25] Eli
    You came out into space to save me!
[14:29] Eli
    I'm sure that all of you would follow
    me anywhere to save a friend.
[14:37] Eli
    That's why I have no choice.
[14:40] Eli
    I have to erase every memory you have of me.
[14:43] Eli
    The only solution is to make
    you forget I ever existed.
[14:47] Eli
    Because you have friends on
    Earth who still need you.
[14:53] Eli
    Because I have friends
    here who still need me.
[14:58] Eli
    Katsura-san...
[15:00] Eli
    Good bye...
[15:01] Zura
    Wait.
[15:03] Zura
    How about we play one last game of Uno?
[15:07] Zura
    If you win, you can erase our
    memories and send us back to Earth.
[15:11] Zura
    But if I win,
[15:13] Zura
    I will never forget you.
[15:17] Zura
    Even after we're back on Earth.
[15:23] Zura
    Either way, this will
    be our last game of Uno.
[15:26] Zura
    Give me your best shot.
[15:28] Eli
    Did Katsura-san already
    know I would never return?
[15:34] Eli
    You didn't come here to
    take me back to Earth?
[15:40] Eli
    Then why...?
[15:54] Zura
    Because I wanted to play a
    game of Uno with the real you,
[15:58] ---
    not the Renho General or Eren.
[16:01] Zura
    I was finally able to beat
    you in a straight-up match.
[16:04] Zura
    But you're strong enough now.
[16:07] Zura
    You'll be able to survive
    out there by yourself.
[16:11] Zura
    Take care.
[16:13] Zura
    Don't worry about me.
[16:15] Zura
    I have these guys.
[16:19] Eli
    This wasn't a straight-up match.
[16:21] Eli
    It's not fair.
[16:28] Eli
    I can barely see anything before me.
[16:34] Zura
    I'm the same.
[16:38] Zura
    But if you believe in the path you've chosen,
[16:40] ---
    you must advance through your tears.
[16:43] Zura
    I will continue to walk
    the path I believe in.
[16:46] Zura
    We may be tens of thousands
    of light-years apart,
[16:49] Zura
    but our paths will always cross.
[16:51] Zura
    Never forget.
[16:53] Zura
    Don't say goodbye Lionel.
[16:55] Zura
    Until we meet again bunny.
[16:58] Zura
    My friend.
[17:01] Zura
    Elizabeth, everyone has forgotten about you.
[17:07] Zura
    But it's okay.
[17:09] Zura
    I'll be the only one who has to suffer.
[17:13] Gin
    Who are you playing Uno with?
[17:15] Zura
    I-I'm playing by myself.
[17:17] Zura
    I need to keep in shape.
[17:21] Gin
    Man, you have too much time.
[17:23] Gin
    Here. Give me that.
[17:31] Zura
    What are you doing?
[17:32] Gin
    I'm dealing the cards again.
[17:34] Zura
    That's not what I meant.
[17:37] Zura
    There's an extra hand.
[17:38] Gin
    What are you babbling about?
[17:42] Gin
    There's another person over there.
[17:45] Gin
    Wait, looks like we got a few more coming.
[18:16] Gin
    What are you doing, Zura?
[18:18] Gin
    Hurry up.
[18:21] Zura
    Yeah, let's begin.
[18:25] Fumi
    Long, long ago,
[18:27] Fumi
    an evil alien came to Earth
    to take its treasure.
[18:35] Fumi
    But the alien became friends
    with the Earthlings
[18:37] B
    Hey, did you load up the Actraisers?
[18:41] Fumi
    and he chose to fight on
    their side and protect Earth.
[18:47] Fumi
    However, the aliens' planet was ruined
    by the battle to protect Earth,
[18:53] Fumi
    so the alien decided to leave Earth
    and help rebuild his home planet.
[19:00] Fumi
    He didn't want any tearful goodbyes,
    so he began erasing memories,
[19:06] Fumi
    until there was nobody on
    Earth who remembered him.
[19:12] Fumi
    On the last day, he looked
    at Earth one last time
[19:17] Fumi
    to say goodbye to a planet
    that no longer remembered him.
[19:22] Fumi
    Goodbye!
[19:23] Fumi
    There were no goodbyes coming
    from the empty planet.
[19:29] Fumi
    Instead, he saw beaming smiles.
[19:33] Fumi
    For his treasures were still
    safe on the empty planet.
[19:38] Fumi
    At long last, he was able
    to find that treasure.
[19:41] Fumi
    A treasure that will never rust in the rain.
[19:46] Fumi
    The treasure of friendship.
[19:50] Fumi
    He wiped away his tears, leaving a smile,
[19:54] Fumi
    and flew off into space
[19:57] Fumi
    in search of new treasures.
[22:13] Fumi
    But strangely enough, the friends he
    left behind weren't lonely at all.
[22:18] Fumi
    That was because
[22:24] Fumi
    the Elizabeth who left was only
    a temp who filled in on Mondays.
SIGN    M      Tu      W       Th      F      Sa      Su
SIGN    Temp
[22:30] Fumi
    The regular Elizabeth, whose
    identity remains a mystery,
SIGN    Regular
[22:34] Fumi
    just returned from a long vacation today.
SIGN    Oh, Katsura-san. I just got 
    back. Here's a souvenir.
[22:41] Zura
    Oh, the regular Elizabeth is back!
[22:44] Zura
    Say goodbye to the temp Elizabeth!
[22:47] Zura
    Goodbye, Monday Elizabeth!
[22:50] Zura
    Sorry that you didn't get any
    screen time in the Benizakura arc!
[23:03] Shin
    Hey!
[23:17] Fumi
    The end.
SIGN    Next Episode
[23:20] Gin
    A shining, silver wonderland...
[23:23] Gin
    Fresh tracks in the snow.
[23:25] Gin
    And the Shogun?!
SIGN    Please Take Me Skiing
[23:30] Shogun
    Next time:
[23:31] Shogun
    Please take me skiing.
[23:33] Shogun
    I place myself in your hands.
SIGN    In summer, you go swimming!!  In winter, you go snowboarding!!
SIGN    The Shogun, Tokugawa Shigeshige,  returns!! Please go easy on him...

E237 - Please take me skiing
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Live action Gintama!!
SIGN    Take two!!
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin Snack Otose
[00:08] Shin
    Oh, wow...
[00:11] Kagura
    It looks so real.
[00:13] Gin
    I know.
[00:13] Shin
    The hell it does!
[00:15] Shin
    This is way crappier than the first take!
[00:17] Gin
    Everybody saw this coming.
[00:19] Gin
    The staff went overboard
    with that Kaien crap,
[00:21] Gin
    so we're out of money.
[00:23] Kagura
    It was pretty expensive
    to borrow the mannequins
[00:25] Kagura
    we used in the last live-action segment.
[00:27] Shin
    Nobody wants to hear about that!
[00:29] Shin
    So what do we do now?
[00:30] Shin
    We already opened with the punch line.
[00:32] Gin
    Huh? We still have that.
[00:34] Kagura
    When we're out of punch
    lines, there's always that.
SIGN    A Shinsengumi vacation will  never go off without a hitch!!
SIGN    Everyone meets up at the ski slopes!! And  there's someone else along for the ride...
[02:23] Toshi
    Huh? A vacation?
[02:25] Kondo
    Yeah, it's so cold that those 
    terrorists are probably hibernating.
[02:30] Kondo
    Matsudaira said that we should 
    go on a ski trip to boost morale.
[02:35] Toshi
    Where did he get that idea?
[02:37] Toshi
    We can't go on a pleasure trip
    and leave Edo undefended.
[02:40] Toshi
    Besides, that freak is always
    telling us to work harder.
[02:44] Toshi
    Something isn't right.
[02:45] Okita
    You're being paranoid.
[02:47] Okita
    We've been working without any rest
    since the show started up again.
[02:52] Okita
    I guess a person who's rotten to the core
[02:54] Okita
    doesn't know how to accept
    a gesture of kindness.
[02:56] Toshi
    I don't need to hear that from
    someone who's rotten to his soul.
[02:59] Okita
    If you're worried about Edo,
[03:01] Okita
    we can divide the men into the
    Kondo team and the Hijikata team
[03:03] Okita
    and have one team stay behind.
[03:05] Okita
    I'm sure you can defend Edo
    by yourself, Hijikata-san.
[03:09] Toshi
    Why is Hijikata-san the only
    person on the Hijikata team?
[03:11] Toshi
    Why is he the one staying behind?
[03:12] Okita
    Let's go.
[03:13] Okita
    Even gorillas need to hibernate.
[03:15] Kondo
    I'm not a gorilla.
[03:19] Toshi
    K-Kondo-san!
[03:20] Matsu
    If you don't want to hibernate,
    I'll just terminate you.
[03:23] Matsu
    A beast can't survive winter if he
    doesn't know when to rest his fangs.
[03:27] Toshi
    P-Pops!
[03:29] Matsu
    It wouldn't matter if you
    were a solitary gorilla,
[03:31] Matsu
    but you're a gorilla who leads a whole troop.
[03:34] Kondo
    Th-That was close!
[03:35] Matsu
    One bad decision and your entire
    troop will be buried under the snow.
[03:39] Matsu
    But if you insist on continuing
    with your cracked fangs,
[03:42] Matsu
    I'm going to
[03:44] Matsu
    snap them off.
[03:46] Matsu
    Do you want to go to sleep and see tomorrow?
[03:48] Matsu
    Or go to sleep and never wake up again?
[03:50] Matsu
    Make your choice.
[03:51] Matsu
    If you don't make a choice in three
    seconds, I'll blow your head off.
[03:54] Matsu
    One...
[03:56] Kondo
    What happened to two and three?!
[03:57] Matsu
    Never heard of those numbers before.
[03:59] Matsu
    A man only needs to know the number
    one to get along in this world.
[04:03] Matsu
    Hey, Toshi. What about you?
[04:05] Matsu
    Are you going to rest or die?
[04:07] Matsu
    Make it quick!
[04:08] Toshi
    I'm staying behind.
[04:10] Toshi
    We need someone to take Kondo-san's place.
[04:11] Matsu
    Absolutely not.
[04:13] Matsu
    You're going with him!
[04:15] Toshi
    Why are you forcing us to take a vacation?
[04:17] Matsu
    I'm trying to be nice here!
[04:20] Matsu
    There is no other motive involved!
[04:22] Toshi
    There's nothing nice about
    how you're treating us.
[04:25] Matsu
    Okay! That means you're all going!
[04:29] Matsu
    Get packed.
[04:30] Okita
    Yay. You got a soft side, Pops.
[04:32] Matsu
    Oh, I have one more thing to mention!
[04:36] Matsu
    There's someone who wants
    to come along on your trip.
[04:41] Matsu
    Well, he won't be that much trouble.
[04:44] Matsu
    Just keep an eye on him if you would.
SIGN    Please Take Me Skiing
[05:07] A
    Hey, look at him! Oh, gosh!
[05:09] A
    He's so cool!
[05:13] B
    He's airborne!
[05:14] B
    Awesome!
[05:15] D
    What? Is he a pro or something?
[05:17] E
    Damn! Look at that hang time!
[05:19] F
    He's like a bird!
[05:22] G
    Er, isn't this getting kind of ridiculous?
[05:32] N
    We are currently traveling 45 kilometers
    per hour at an altitude of 58 meters.
[05:36] N
    Our target landing site is 30 meters ahead.
SIGN    Altitude
    Distance
    Temperature
[05:39] N
    Uh, there are people in the
    vicinity of our objective, over.
[05:42] Toshi
    Get rid of them immediately, over.
[05:52] N
    We've eliminated the intruders,
[05:54] N
    but our landing site was
    ravaged by the weapons fire.
[05:56] N
    I fear that he may trip and fall, over.
[05:59] Toshi
    Uh, flatten the site immediately, over.
[06:20] Toshi
    I'm glad to see that you're safe.
[06:22] Toshi
    Did you enjoy your first attempt at snowboarding,
[06:29] Toshi
    My Lord?
[06:31] Shogun
    It felt good when I jumped and there
    was a rush of air against my crotch.
[06:35] Shogun
    I want to try it again.
[06:36] Toshi
    Understood!
[06:37] Toshi
    Hey, another crotch rush!
[06:39] Toshi
    Bring the helicopter around!
[06:47] Toshi
    I told you that something didn't sound right.
[06:51] Toshi
    A vacation? Go spread your wings?
[06:55] Toshi
    We're just babysitting the Shogun.
[06:57] Yama
    Knowing our lord, he probably said that
    he wanted to sneak out on a ski trip.
[07:03] Yama
    The old man didn't know what to
    do, so he just passed it on to us.
[07:08] Toshi
    We won't be getting a
    second of relaxation time.
[07:12] Toshi
    If anything happens to the Shogun,
    we'll pay with our lives and more.
[07:17] Yama
    Still, you've gone a little
    too far, vice chief.
[07:19] Yama
    We're attracting too much attention.
[07:21] Yama
    Nobody's supposed to know that we're here.
[07:22] Toshi
    Don't be stupid.
[07:23] Toshi
    If we let him ski on his own and
    he gets hurt, we're finished.
[07:26] Toshi
    We just have to convince the Shogun
    that this is how people normally ski.
[07:30] Yama
    But the other visitors are
    getting scared and leaving.
[07:32] Toshi
    All the better.
[07:34] Toshi
    It'll be easier to protect the
    Shogun if nobody else is around.
[07:37] Toshi
    Sogo, bribe a staff member to stop the lift.
[07:41] Toshi
    Don't let anyone else up there.
[07:43] Okita
    Hijikata-san, there's someone suspicious
    near the Shogun's landing site.
[07:47] Okita
    Someone who's making a huge snowman
    that's going to get in the way.
[07:50] Toshi
    Tell them to leave.
[07:53] Okita
    Hey, there.
[07:54] Okita
    This is a ski slope.
[07:56] Okita
    Find somewhere else to play.
[07:58] Okita
    Hey, you listening to me?
[08:00] Okita
    Find somewhere else to make your snowman.
[08:02] Kagura
    Shut up!
[08:03] Kagura
    This isn't a snowman.
[08:04] Kagura
    This is a Neo Armstrong
    Cyclone Jet Armstrong Cannon.
[08:08] Toshi
    Huh?
[08:18] Toshi
    Shogun!
[08:24] Toshi
    Sogo! What's going on?!
[08:26] Toshi
    Do you read me?!
[08:27] Toshi
    Is the Shogun safe?!
[08:29] Toshi
    Where did he go?!
[08:30] Kondo
    Toshi! Do you read me?!
[08:32] Kondo
    Toshi! We've got big trouble!
[08:34] Toshi
    I know! I saw the whole thing!
[08:36] Kondo
    What?! Really?!
[08:37] Kondo
    I just came across them by coincidence!
[08:39] Kondo
    I never expected Otae-san and
    Shinpachi-kun to be here!
[08:43] Toshi
    Huh? What are you talking about?!
[08:45] Kondo
    It's a good thing that I got
    curious and tailed them!
[08:48] Toshi
    Hey, what are you talking about?!
[08:49] Toshi
    Don't you know that the Shogun is missing?!
[08:52] Kondo
    Huh?! What are you talking about?!
[08:54] Kondo
    A man wearing nothing but his underwear
[08:57] Kondo
    just came flying out of the
    sky to attack Otae-san!
[08:58] Toshi
    That's the Shogun!
[08:59] Kondo
    If I don't do something, Otae-san
    will be... Otae-san will be...!
[09:02] Toshi
    The Shogun's the one who's getting
    the crap beaten out of him!
[09:05] Kondo
    I need to help her at once!
[09:07] Toshi
    Hey, wait! That's the Shogun!
[09:09] Kondo
    Damn!
[09:10] Kondo
    The snowboard's preventing me from moving!
[09:13] Kondo
    In that case...
[09:15] Kondo
    Pervert!
[09:16] Kondo
    Get away from my Otae-san!
[09:19] Otae
    You're the pervert!
[09:25] Toshi
    Kondo-san! Shogun!
[09:28] Toshi
    This is bad!
[09:29] Toshi
    His skis are carrying him away!
[09:32] Toshi
    Wait a second!
[09:34] Toshi
    The underwear boys are in an
    incredibly wrong position!
[09:36] C
    Eek! What's that?!
[09:38] G
    We got a serious case of indecent
    exposure flying down the slope!
[09:42] Toshi
    Stop them!
[09:43] Toshi
    We can't embarrass the Shogun, the Bakufu!
[09:46] Toshi
    Do whatever it takes to stop them!
[09:49] A
    The Shogun and chief
    separated when they jumped!
[09:56] A
    The Shogun hit an innocent bystander!
[10:02] Toshi
    Damn, you guys go after Kondo-san!
[10:04] Toshi
    Leave the Shogun to me!
[10:06] Yamazaki
    Chief!
[10:07] Toshi
    Hey! Are you okay?
[10:09] Gin
    Yeah, I'm just fine.
[10:12] Gin
    I'm also a beginner, so I understand
    how your skis can carry you away.
[10:19] Gin
    Well, let's all be careful.
[10:22] Toshi
    Wait a moment!
[10:24] Toshi
    That's the Shogun!
[10:26] A
    Chief! Please stop!
[10:28] Yama
    Damn!
[10:29] Yama
    He's going too fast for us to catch up!
[10:31] Yama
    Huh? Boss?
[10:32] Yama
    Why are you here?
[10:34] Yama
    Can you stop the chief...
[10:35] Yama
    Huh? Wait...
[10:37] Yama
    Do you realize what you're riding?!
[10:41] Yama
    Vice chief!
[10:42] Yama
    It's terrible!
[10:43] Yama
    The Odd Jobs boss is...
[10:49] Yama
    Wait, vice chief! That's the chief!
[10:52] Toshi
    Stop!
[10:56] Toshi
    Didn't you hear me tell you to
    stop, you wavy-haired punk?!
[10:59] Gin
    Huh? Why are you here?
[11:02] Toshi
    We don't have time for that!
[11:04] Toshi
    Look down! Look down!
[11:05] Gin
    Ah! When did that happen?!
[11:06] Toshi
    Don't give me that shit!
[11:08] Toshi
    Don't you recognize who that is?!
[11:10] Gin
    And who is your board?!
[11:12] Toshi
    Ah! When did that happen?
[11:13] Gin
    You're no better than I am!
[11:14] Toshi
    Anyway, stop him as soon as you can!
[11:17] Toshi
    Or you'll be committing
    seppuku ten times over!
[11:19] Gin
    I would have stopped already if I could!
[11:21] Gin
    I'm a beginner at snowboarding,
[11:23] ---
    so how am I supposed to
    know how to stop a human?!
[11:25] Gin
    What do I do?!
[11:26] Gin
    Pretend like we're out in the
    country where it's warm and fuzzy?
[11:29] Toshi
    How's that supposed to help?!
[11:31] Gin
    Hey! Wait a moment!
[11:33] Gin
    His underwear!
[11:34] Gin
    He slows down when I tug on his underwear!
[11:37] Toshi
    What?! You can control humanboards
    with their underwear?!
[11:41] Toshi
    Oh, it's like a brake of sorts!
[11:44] Toshi
    But we're leaving a strange track.
[11:46] Toshi
    What is this?
[11:48] Gin
    It's the track left by the brake.
[11:49] Toshi
    The brake?!
[11:50] Toshi
    Where would there be a
    brake on the human body?!
[11:53] Gin
    The penile brake!
[11:55] Gin
    When I pull on his underwear,
[11:56] Gin
    his penis extends like a brake.
[11:59] Toshi
    Wait a moment! So you mean this is that?!
[12:01] Toshi
    It's not actually a brake!
[12:03] Gin
    Cold and hard!
[12:05] Gin
    And that's the truth.
[12:07] Toshi
    That's not funny! Cut it out!
[12:09] Toshi
    Stop using that brake!
[12:10] Toshi
    He won't be able to leave any heirs!
[12:12] Gin
    We don't have time to be picky!
[12:14] Gin
    Our priority is to stop this ride!
[12:25] Both
    We broke the brakes...
[12:32] Toshi
    Shit! We veered off the trail!
[12:35] Gin
    Stop us! Someone stop us!
[12:38] Otae
    Gin-san, are you okay?
[12:39] Otae
    I'm coming to help!
[12:41] Otae
    Hold on!
[12:44] Gin
    Otae, you're here...
[12:48] Shin
    Gin-san!
[12:49] Shin
    Everything's okay now that we're here!
[12:53] Gin
    Why are these siblings acting like
    it's perfectly normal to humanboard?!
[12:57] Otae
    I was learning how to snowboard,
[12:59] Otae
    but I accidentally ended up
    riding Shin-chan instead,
[13:01] Otae
    and then I discovered the he
    was actually an easier ride.
[13:04] Otae
    I guess it's because we're siblings!
[13:06] Gin
    You're not supposed to use
    a sibling as a snowboard!
[13:08] Otae
    I'll teach you how to humanboard.
[13:11] Otae
    Listen carefully.
[13:13] Otae
    First, you take note of
    the glasses on your board.
[13:16] Otae
    These will serve as the handles.
[13:17] Gin
    Sorry! That's impossible!
[13:19] Gin
    Please understand that not
    every humanboard wears glasses!
[13:22] Otae
    Oh, no! You can't control the
    board if there aren't any glasses!
[13:27] Otae
    Shin-chan!
[13:29] Gin
    Uh, that's not Shin-chan!
[13:31] Otae
    What do I do?!
[13:32] Otae
    I can't do anything now!
[13:33] Gin
    Why did you even bother coming out here?!
[13:35] Toshi
    Hey, I have some advice for you.
[13:38] Toshi
    Have you heard of a penile brake?
[13:41] Gin
    The vice chief has snapped!
[13:42] Gin
    He's making out-of-character remarks
    that constitute sexual harassment!
[13:44] Gin
    He's totally given up!
[13:46] Kagura
    Gin-chan, are you okay?
[13:48] Kagura
    I'm coming to help you! Hold on!
[13:51] Gin
    You liar!
[13:52] Gin
    Clearly you're the one who needs help!
[13:54] Gin
    You can't do jack shit!
[13:57] Kagura
    That's not true!
[13:59] Kagura
    I'm going to save everyone!
[14:02] Okita
    We're all going to die...
[14:04] Gin
    Huh?! What?!
[14:06] Kagura
    If you give up, the game is over!
[14:09] Okita
    The worst part is when you're still
    clinging to hope when you die.
[14:13] Gin
    There's someone chiming in
    with really negative remarks!
[14:16] Kagura
    Don't be fooled!
[14:18] Okita
    By your bullshit?
[14:19] Gin
    Hey, what are they doing?!
[14:21] Gin
    This is like that whole angel/devil
    whispering in your head thing!
[14:24] Kagura
    No. I am not me. I am not you.
[14:26] Okita
    But I am me. I am you.
[14:29] Both
    Yes, there is no black or white.
[14:32] Both
    All will return to true darkness!
[14:34] Gin
    And now it's just a completely black ball!
[14:47] Zura
    I've been waiting this whole
    time under the snowball.
[14:52] Gin
    Uh, Kagura.
[14:54] Toshi
    Sogo...
[14:55] Both
    Have you heard of a penile brake?
[14:57] Zura
    Huh?
[14:59] Zura
    Wait!
[15:00] Zura
    What are you doing to the leader?!
[15:02] Zura
    Wait!
[15:31] Toshi
    Where am I?
[15:34] Toshi
    I remember that...
[15:37] Toshi
    I came to the slopes as a
    bodyguard for the Shogun...
[15:50] Toshi
    Shogun!
[15:53] Toshi
    Where's the Shogun?!
[15:55] Toshi
    Dammit!
[15:57] Toshi
    He's not here!
[15:58] Toshi
    The Shogun isn't here!
[16:00] Toshi
    Damn, I need to call for backup!
[16:02] Toshi
    Out of range?
[16:03] Toshi
    Y-You've gotta be kidding...
[16:05] Toshi
    How far down did we fall?
[16:09] Toshi
    No trails.
[16:11] Toshi
    No sign of civilization.
[16:14] Toshi
    No help.
[16:16] Toshi
    I just have a bunch of useless incompetents.
[16:22] Toshi
    We're stranded.
[16:25] Toshi
    Forget about protecting the Shogun.
[16:27] Toshi
    We're the ones who've been stranded.
[16:30] Shin
    Shogun!
[16:32] Shin
    Answer if you're there!
[16:35] Shin
    Shogun!
[16:45] Toshi
    I'm gonna lose my head.
[16:47] Toshi
    We're all gonna lose our heads.
[16:50] Gin
    That's ridiculous.
[16:52] Gin
    You get a bunch of innocent
    bystanders involved in your mess,
[16:53] Gin
    and now you want to take our heads?
[16:55] Gin
    When we just happened to win a ski trip
    from a drawing in the shopping district?
[16:58] Gin
    You fools can go to hell by yourselves.
[17:00] Toshi
    Did you also win a free pass for riding the
    Shogun like a snowboard in that drawing?
[17:04] Gin
    Don't ask me. I didn't even
    realize he was under me.
[17:08] Kagura
    Oh, yeah. That reminds me.
[17:11] Kagura
    He once mentioned how someone at the top
[17:13] Kagura
    needs to understand how
    someone at the bottom feels.
[17:16] Toshi
    That doesn't mean he should
    become a snowboard.
[17:19] Kondo
    I see.
[17:19] Kondo
    So Toshi was using me as a snowboard
[17:21] Kondo
    because he felt I needed to
    know how the men below me felt.
[17:24] Kondo
    So that's what it was.
[17:26] Toshi
    It sure was.
[17:26] Toshi
    That's why I did it.
[17:28] Otae
    In any case, the Shogun can't survive
    this cold in nothing but his underwear.
[17:33] Toshi
    Uh, lady?
[17:34] Toshi
    There are a bunch of men in nothing
    but their underwear right before you.
[17:36] Otae
    They say that you're supposed to take off
    your clothes and cuddle to stay warm.
[17:42] Otae
    Let's send some naked people to go find him!
[17:44] Kondo
    Someone bring me a blankie!
[17:45] Kondo
    A blankie to warm my heart!
[17:47] Toshi
    Whether we're going to save the
    Shogun or get our heads chopped off,
[17:51] Toshi
    we need to worry about our own safety first.
[17:54] Okita
    I know. We're stranded.
[17:57] Zura
    That makes sense.
[18:00] Zura
    In that case, we should split
    up into a group for ensuring
[18:02] Zura
    our survival and a group
    to search for the Shogun.
[18:05] Zura
    Yes, there's no need to worry.
[18:07] Zura
    The Shogun may be our reviled enemy,
[18:10] Zura
    but there's no point in bringing that up now.
[18:15] Zura
    Let bygones be bygones! Focus
    on the danger we currently face!
[18:19] Zura
    I am just an ordinary leader now!
[18:22] Zura
    Feel free to dive into my arms!
[18:24] Okita
    Well, if something happens to the
    Shogun, we can just blame him.
[18:29] Okita
    So what do we do now?
[18:31] Zura
    Uh, can you hear me?!
[18:32] Zura
    Could you let your leader out of here?!
[18:34] Toshi
    The other men should have noticed
    that we're all missing.
[18:39] Toshi
    Help will come eventually.
[18:40] Zura
    Can you hear me?!
[18:42] Toshi
    So we and the Shogun have
    to survive until then.
[18:45] Toshi
    We're splitting up into two groups.
[18:47] Zura
    Hey! That was my idea!
[18:49] Zura
    You copycat!
[18:50] Toshi
    This appears to be a ridge of some sort.
[18:52] Toshi
    We have a decent view, and it'll be
    easier for others to see us here.
[18:55] Toshi
    Start a fire and keep the
    smoke going at all times.
[18:57] Toshi
    We'll make this our base.
[19:00] Toshi
    Try to make some sort of
    shelter from the cold.
[19:03] Toshi
    Everyone else will look for the Shogun.
[19:05] Toshi
    We need to find him today.
[19:08] Shin
    Look for the Shogun?
[19:09] Shin
    The snow is coming down
    really hard. It's dangerous.
[19:12] Toshi
    That's why we have to go.
[19:15] Toshi
    We can make it back if we
    have the smoke to guide us.
[19:17] Shin
    But it's too dangerous!
[19:19] Shin
    What if there are casualties?
[19:21] Toshi
    Then we'll be fair and use rock,
    paper, scissors to decide.
[19:24] Toshi
    Here we go!
[19:25] All
    Rock always wins!
[19:27] All
    Rock, paper...
[19:33] All
    Good luck!
[19:36] Toshi
    Kondo-san! Watch your back out there!
[19:39] Kondo
    Uh, there's nothing on
    my back to even watch...
[19:44] Gin
    Huh? What?
[19:45] Gin
    Did he say something?
[19:46] Kondo
    Uh, are you forgetting something?
[19:49] Shin
    Forgetting something?
    What's he talking about?
[19:51] Shin
    Beats me...
[19:52] Kondo
    Uh, it's pretty cold...
[19:54] Kondo
    Uh...
[19:54] Kondo
    Oh, I know!
[19:55] Kondo
    The Shogun must be cold!
[19:57] Kondo
    I should bring some clothes for him!
[20:02] Gin
    Hey, get a grip.
[20:04] Gin
    There are clothes right there.
[20:06] Gin
    Around your waist.
[20:11] Otae
    Please, Kondo-san.
[20:13] Otae
    You're so forgetful.
[20:18] Kondo
    Oops! I screwed up!
[20:21] Otae
    Make sure that they're warm
    before you give them to him.
[20:23] Kondo
    Th-Then I'll be going...
[20:25] Toshi
    I just realized that Kondo-san
    isn't wearing anything.
[20:29] Okita
    Oh, you're right. I completely forgot.
[20:31] Toshi
    Hey, everyone. Give Kondo-san
    one article of clothing.
[20:35] Toshi
    He won't be cold if we all pitch in.
[20:43] Both
    Okay. Be careful out there, Kondo-san.
[20:48] Kondo
    Y-Yeah!
[20:51] Kondo
    But you all gave me your gloves.
[20:57] Zura
    Hey, wait.
[20:59] Zura
    You'll die if you underestimate the
    bitter cold of a winter mountain.
[21:04] Zura
    Wear this.
[21:05] Kondo
    Ka-Katsura...
[21:07] Zura
    As I was saying, we need to
    work together to survive.
[21:32] Toshi
    We're in an extremely perilous situation.
[21:38] Toshi
    No help in sight.
[21:40] Toshi
    Our survival in this unknown land
    rests upon a very fragile trust.
[21:46] Toshi
    Will we be able to survive?
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Next Episode
[23:31] Toshi
    Damn! Where's the Shogun?!
[23:33] Toshi
    We're going to die before
    they can chop off our heads!
[23:37] Shogun
    Next time:
SIGN    A Vacation in Disorientation
[23:38] Shogun
    A vacation in disorientation.
[23:40] Shogun
    Please.
SIGN    The group divides into two teams for securing shelter and  finding the Shogun as they attempt to survive in the snowy mountains!!
SIGN    Stranded in the middle of the  blizzard, the group encounters...

E238 - A vacation in disorientation
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] Toshi
    Huh? A vacation?
[00:02] Matsu
    Oh, I have one more thing to mention!
[00:06] Matsu
    There's someone who wants 
    to come along on your trip.
[00:11] Matsu
    Well, he won't be that much trouble.
[00:14] Matsu
    Just keep an eye on him if you would.
[00:17] Toshi
    Stop them!
[00:18] Toshi
    We can't embarrass the Shogun, the Bakufu!
[00:24] Toshi
    We're stranded...
[00:26] Toshi
    Forget about protecting the Shogun,
[00:29] Toshi
    we're the ones who've been stranded.
SIGN    The great Shogun, Shigeshige Tokugawa,  has been lost on the ski slopes!!
SIGN    Hijikata and the other stranded victims have two  missions, to endure the cold and to find the Shogun.
SIGN    A Vacation in Disorientation
[02:32] Kagura
    I think it's starting to snow harder.
[02:35] Gin
    Gonna be a blizzard tonight.
[02:38] Shin
    Will Kondo-san and the Shogun be okay?
[02:41] Gin
    We need to worry about ourselves first.
[02:44] Gin
    Isn't there a hut or something around here?
[02:48] Shin
    We wouldn't be stranded if there was.
[02:51] Shin
    You can only be stranded when
    there aren't people around.
[02:58] Kagura
    Hmm? What are they doing?
[03:03] Kagura
    Hey, whatcha doing?
[03:04] Kagura
    Are you looking for food, doggie?
[03:07] Okita
    I'm not like you.
[03:09] Okita
    I don't eat food off the ground.
[03:11] Kagura
    Never? Never ever?
[03:14] Kagura
    Oops, some sukonbu fell out of my pocket.
[03:17] Kagura
    Uh oh, what should I do?
SIGN    Sukonbu
[03:22] Kagura
    Why are you two diving for the food?!
[03:25] Kagura
    Stop it! That's embarrassing!
[03:26] Gin
    Once it touches the ground,
    it's returned to the earth!
[03:30] Gin
    The food is mine!
[03:31] Kagura
    No, it's mine!
[03:33] Toshi
    Hey, what are you idiots doing?
[03:36] Toshi
    If you're going to get in the way, you
    should also return to the earth.
[03:38] Toshi
    Stop playing with valuable food.
[03:43] Toshi
    Oops, I dropped some mayonnaise.
[03:46] Toshi
    What should I do?
[03:58] Okita
    That takes care of the interference.
[04:00] Shin
    Okita-san, is that a snow hut?
[04:04] Okita
    We're not going to find any buildings
    out here in the middle of nowhere.
[04:08] Okita
    And there's no guarantee that
    there are any caves nearby.
[04:11] Okita
    But there's plenty of snow.
[04:13] Okita
    In that case, we can find
    shelter in the snow.
[04:17] Gin
    Oh, my. Did you hear that, Kagura-san?
[04:19] Gin
    He's going to use snow
    as shelter from the snow.
[04:25] Kagura
    I guess the baboon is turning feral on us.
[04:29] Kagura
    How can snow possibly keep you warm?
[04:32] Gin
    Freiza's cold-hearted attacks
    won't help either.
[04:35] Gin
    Have you forgotten how agonizing
    it was for Vegeta to serve Frieza,
[04:38] Gin
    the one who destroyed his planet?!
[04:40] Okita
    Go inside and see for yourself.
[04:42] Gin
    No thank you.
[04:43] Gin
    We don't want to freeze to death.
[04:46] Gin
    Oh, sorry if you get wet,
[04:48] Gin
    since it looks like some kind of restroom.
[04:50] Toshi
    Just go inside!
[04:56] Shin
    How is it, Gin-san, Kagura-chan?
[04:58] Shin
    Huh?
[04:59] Shin
    Gin-san? Kagura-chan?
[05:02] Kagura
    What is this?
[05:04] Kagura
    Oh, wow.
[05:07] Gin
    It's so warm.
[05:13] Gin
    And not just in a physical sense.
[05:18] Gin
    My entire soul feels warm.
[05:22] Gin
    It's so comfortable.
[05:27] Kagura
    What is this?
[05:29] Kagura
    Why do I feel this way?
[05:31] Gin
    This is...
[05:32] Gin
    This is almost like...
[05:34] Gin
    ...I'm back inside my mother's womb.
[05:39] Okita
    Well, I won't be letting you inside
[05:42] Okita
    since you apparently have
    a better place to sleep.
[05:44] Gin
    F-Fine with me.
[05:46] Gin
    It's not like I want to sleep in
    such a cramped and dark place.
[05:49] Kagura
    Can't even roll over in here.
[05:51] Toshi
    Then get the hell out!
    Don't make yourself comfortable!
[05:55] Gin
    You're the one who told us to come in!
[05:56] Gin
    You should thank us for trying
    this dump out for you.
[05:59] Toshi
    Ah! Did you just fart?!
[06:02] Gin
    Oopsie-daisy!
[06:04] Gin
    Okay, we'll go find our own place to sleep.
[06:06] Toshi
    That's not the exit!
[06:08] Gin
    Huh?
[06:09] Gin
    The entrance was so small that I figured
    I should find a different way out.
[06:13] Toshi
    That's bullshit!
[06:15] Toshi
    You did it on purpose!
[06:16] Toshi
    You were mad so you destroyed it!
[06:19] Toshi
    Hey, what now?
[06:21] Toshi
    The snow's getting worse!
[06:23] Toshi
    We're wasting our energy here!
[06:26] Toshi
    Are you trying to get
    us all frozen to death?!
[06:28] Zura
    Hey! Over here, everyone!
[06:31] Zura
    You shouldn't be fighting
    at a time like this.
[06:34] Zura
    I'll let you all inside my snow hut!
[06:36] Zura
    Come on!
[06:37] Okita
    Katsura, who gave you
    permission to walk around?
[06:40] Zura
    I'm getting used to this body.
[06:43] Zura
    I did some looking around,
    and I came across this den.
[06:46] Kagura
    What is this den?
[06:49] Kagura
    Are there bears hibernating inside?
[06:51] Zura
    Don't worry. I already chased off the beasts.
[06:54] Shin
    Huh? There were actually bears inside?
[06:59] Zura
    There wouldn't be bears here.
[07:03] Zura
    It was just...
[07:04] Zura
    Bigfoot.
[07:10] Shin
    Bigfoot doesn't exist!
[07:13] Gin
    Why would a mythical UMA be living out here?!
SIGN    Shocking!! The giant ape Bigfoot is real?!
[07:17] Gin
    Why would Bigfoot wear sneakers?!
[07:19] Zura
    Well, I can't be positive
[07:22] Zura
    since I was preoccupied at the time.
[07:25] Zura
    It could have been a man
    with really big feet.
[07:28] Gin
    No, I'll confirm it for you!
[07:30] Gin
    Nobody has feet this big!
SIGN    Sorry. It's cold, so can I stay here tonight? No? You 
    might have a big body, but your brain is tiny, Stupidfoot!
[07:32] Zura
    I asked him to let me stay the night,
    but he wouldn't listen to me.
[07:37] Zura
    So I attached a letter to
    his shoe with thumbtacks,
[07:41] Zura
    and he seemed to get the message.
[07:43] Shin
    The wrong message!
[07:45] Shin
    His foot's all bloody from the thumbtacks!
[07:48] Zura
    He even left this wonderful bed.
[07:50] Gin
    That's just a stinking sneaker!
[07:53] Zura
    If I sleep in here, I won't freeze to death.
[07:57] Zura
    Ow! Something's stabbing into my back!
[08:00] Zura
    Who put a thumbtack here?!
[08:03] Gin
    Hey! I can hear footsteps coming closer!
[08:05] Shin
    Crap! Bigfoot-san is coming back!
[08:08] Gin
    Run for it!
[08:10] Zura
    Hey, where are you going?
[08:12] Zura
    Get this thumbtack out of my back.
[08:16] Zura
    Oh, you're back?
[08:18] Zura
    Uh, I think it's around here.
[08:22] Zura
    Yes, that's it.
[08:33] Toshi
    Hey, this is looking bad.
[08:35] Toshi
    If we don't find some sort of
    shelter from this blizzard,
[08:37] ---
    we're all gonna freeze to death!
[08:39] Otae
    Everyone! Over here!
[08:42] Otae
    I found a great place!
[08:44] Shin
    Sis!
[08:49] Shin
    There's actually a cave here.
[08:53] Toshi
    It's not any warmer,
[08:55] Toshi
    but at least we won't be buried by the snow.
[08:59] Otae
    Yes, and there's even food here.
[09:02] Shin
    Really?
[09:04] Otae
    Take a look.
[09:05] Otae
    I managed to find so much food.
[09:10] Shin
    Sis, what are those?
[09:13] Otae
    Chupacabras.
[09:23] Otae
    This appears to be a chupacabra nest.
[09:26] Otae
    Beyond the chupacabras, you
    won't find bears or Bigfoot.
[09:30] Otae
    Instead, you'll find the
    ancient city of Fazan,
[09:32] Otae
    said to have been conquered by
    the chupacabras in one night!
[09:38] Otae
    If we defeat the chupacabras and
    reach the core system of Fazan,
[09:42] Otae
    we won't have to worry about
    being stranded anymore!
[09:46] Otae
    All of our problems will be solved!
[09:49] Otae
    Now, let's rise up!
[09:52] Otae
    We must fight for our victory!
[09:54] Otae
    I know that we can do this if we're together!
[09:56] Otae
    Let's go!
[10:00] Otae
    Huh?
[10:06] Shin
    The blizzard keeps getting worse.
[10:08] Shin
    What are we going to do?!
[10:10] Shin
    The sun's gone down and we
    still haven't found shelter!
[10:14] Shin
    We'll be popsicles in no time!
[10:20] Zura
    Stop whining about a little cold, you babies!
[10:22] Zura
    After Bigfoot-san stuck
    a bunch of needles in me,
[10:24] ---
    I feel like my body's on fire!
[10:27] Zura
    You should all come back
    to see Bigfoot-san with me!
[10:30] Shin
    Hell no!
[10:31] Otae
    We should use the cave I found.
[10:34] Otae
    Look at this delicious fried chupacabra.
[10:39] Gin
    She can turn unidentified creatures
    into an unidentified substance!
[10:42] Gin
    Everything she touches becomes dark matter!
[10:44] Shin
    How are we supposed to
    spend the night in the lair
[10:46] ---
    of those scary creatures?!
[10:48] Shin
    And even if we wanted to turn back,
[10:50] Shin
    we wouldn't be able to see where
    we're going in this blizzard!
[10:56] Toshi
    It's snowing so hard that we can't even see
    the smoke from the fire we left behind.
[10:59] Okita
    I'm pretty sure the snow
    already put out the fire.
[11:03] Okita
    Kondo-san and the Shogun
    won't know where to go.
[11:06] Gin
    Don't worry.
[11:07] Gin
    I'm sure that they'll return.
[11:09] Gin
    To the earth.
[11:10] Toshi
    Don't say that!
[11:12] Toshi
    If anything happens to the Shogun,
[11:14] ---
    everyone here will be returning to the earth!
[11:16] Okita
    It'll be fine, Hijikata-san.
[11:18] Okita
    I'm sure that we'll all return.
[11:21] Okita
    The Shogun's white underwear...
[11:23] Okita
    Our white faces...
[11:26] Gin
    Everything will become white under this snow.
[11:29] Gin
    Everything will return to zero!
[11:31] Shin
    The sadists can't take it!
[11:33] Shin
    They've already given up!
[11:34] Shin
    Get a grip!
[11:36] Shin
    If we don't give up, we'll
    find a way to survive!
[11:38] Shin
    Isn't that right, Hijikata-san?
[11:42] Toshi
    Tsk.
[11:44] Toshi
    All I can say is that it doesn't
    get any worse than this.
[11:50] Toshi
    But on the bright side,
    it can't get any worse.
[11:53] Toshi
    We just have to climb our
    way out of this hole.
[11:55] Toshi
    That's one less problem to worry about.
[11:58] Shin
    Hijikata-san...
[11:59] Toshi
    What?
[12:01] Shin
    It just got worse!
[12:06] Gin
    Why did a bear have to show up now?!
[12:09] Zura
    C-Calm down, Gintoki!
[12:11] Zura
    We don't have any chance
    of outrunning a bear!
[12:13] Zura
    The correct course of action
    is to play dead!
[12:15] Gin
    You're gonna be dead for real!
[12:17] Toshi
    Idiot!
[12:19] Toshi
    That's just an urban legend!
[12:21] Toshi
    Stare the bear right in its
    eyes and slowly back away!
[12:23] Toshi
    If you turn your back, it'll...
[12:25] Okita
    Oh?
[12:26] Okita
    That's no good, Hijikata-san.
    You need to watch your rear.
[12:30] Okita
    I thought you were a bear and stabbed you.
[12:34] Toshi
    Shit, there was someone else I
    didn't want to turn my back on...
[12:39] Kagura
    Hey.
[12:41] Kagura
    You should probably play dead.
[12:45] Okita
    D-Damn you...
[12:47] Shin
    What are you people doing?!
[12:49] Shin
    This isn't the time to fight among ourselves!
[12:51] Otae
    Shin-chan! Look out!
[12:52] Otae
    The bear's coming for you!
[12:58] Otae
    Shin-chan!
[13:11] Otae
    Shin-chan!
[13:21] Shogun
    Are you all right?
[13:23] Shin
    Huh?
[13:24] Shogun
    It appears that everyone survived.
[13:27] Shin
    Th-Th-That voice...
[13:29] Shin
    C-Could it be?!
[13:33] Shogun
    It is I. The great Shogun,
[13:36] ---
    Shigeshige Tokugawa.
[13:44] Otae
    Shin-chan!
[13:45] Otae
    Are you okay, Shin-chan?
[13:47] Otae
    Shin-chan!
[13:50] Kondo
    Man, the Shogun is really something.
[13:52] Kondo
    He was able to find this cabin
    on his own and take shelter.
[13:57] Kondo
    I was floundering around in
    the snow when he saved me.
[14:01] Kondo
    Can't tell who's protecting who.
[14:04] Kondo
    I have failed as a warrior.
[14:06] Kondo
    I am prepared to slice open my belly.
[14:09] Kondo
    But now that the Shogun has saved my life,
[14:12] Kondo
    I must devote myself to ensuring
    that the Shogun returns safely.
[14:20] Kondo
    What?! The Shogun!
[14:24] Kondo
    What happened?!
[14:25] Kondo
    What happened to the Shogun?!
[14:27] Kondo
    And why are you all so beat up?!
[14:30] Toshi
    U-Uh, Kondo-san. You see...
[14:34] Gin
    We were attacked by Bigfoot and chupacabras.
[14:37] Kondo
    Huh?
[14:37] Gin
    We tried to fight back, but...
[14:40] Gin
    Damn those UMA! I'll make them pay!
[14:42] Kondo
    UMA?! That's impossible!
[14:44] Kagura
    It's true!
[14:45] Kagura
    It was all the UMA's fault!
[14:47] Kagura
    Right, Sho-chan?
[14:48] Zura
    Yup, leader.
[14:50] Kondo
    Damn those UMA!
[14:52] Kondo
    Shogun, hang in there!
[14:55] Kondo
    Shogun!
[14:57] Shogun
    Where am I?
[14:59] Shogun
    Why am I here?
[15:01] Kondo
    H-Hey!
[15:02] Kondo
    His memory's been damaged!
[15:05] Shogun
    K-Kondo, what's happened?
[15:08] Shogun
    Why am I here?
[15:09] Gin
    Lord Shogun, have you forgotten?
[15:11] Gin
    These idiots brought you to
    the mountains to hunt UMA.
[15:15] Gin
    But while we were following
    Bigfoot's footsteps,
[15:18] Gin
    we ran into a blizzard and got split up.
[15:20] Gin
    We all got stranded for playing along
    with this farce of yours.
[15:24] Shogun
    I can't believe this.
[15:26] Shogun
    I've put the lives of my people in
    danger to satisfy an irrational whim.
[15:30] Kondo
    No, that's not what happened!
[15:32] Shogun
    I am not qualified to rule.
[15:36] Shogun
    Heavens! If this storm is
    meant as my punishment,
[15:41] Shogun
    I offer my meager life as appeasement!
[15:44] Zura
    Sure, Shogun.
[15:45] Kondo
    This wasn't your fault, Lord Shogun!
[15:48] Kondo
    Amateurs can't predict the weather!
[15:52] Kondo
    In any case, we should be glad
    that we're all together now.
[15:55] Kondo
    Help is bound to come.
[15:57] Kondo
    But you will have to put up
    with this dirty shack for now.
[16:00] Gin
    Hey, how's that?
[16:02] Gin
    I've managed to cover up all your crimes.
[16:04] Gin
    Make sure you get me a reward out of this.
[16:07] Kondo
    Most of those crimes were yours, not ours!
[16:09] Kondo
    And none of them have been resolved yet!
[16:18] Toshi
    Listen up, guys.
[16:19] Toshi
    We can't do anything until
    this blizzard stops.
[16:22] Toshi
    We'll probably do more harm than good
[16:24] ---
    by going outside, so sit
    tight and wait for help.
[16:27] Toshi
    But this shack is nothing more
    than four shabby walls.
[16:29] Toshi
    It's just as cold inside as it is outside.
[16:31] Toshi
    If you fall asleep, you'll die.
[16:33] Toshi
    We need to huddle together for warmth.
[16:34] Toshi
    Yell when you see someone nodding off.
[16:36] Okita
    How are we supposed to huddle together?
[16:40] Toshi
    We'll stand with our backs facing
    each other, to pool our body heat.
[16:44] Toshi
    The center will be the warmest.
[16:46] Toshi
    The Shogun will go there.
[16:48] Toshi
    Then we have the girls and kids.
[16:49] Toshi
    The men will be on the outside.
[16:52] Toshi
    Okay, first we'll have the
    girls stand next to the Shogun.
[16:57] Gin
    Hey, the Shogun's getting excited.
[17:00] Gin
    He's got something dirty in mind.
[17:02] Toshi
    Hey, what are they doing?
[17:04] Toshi
    Why are they whispering in the corner?
[17:05] Toshi
    Hurry up!
[17:06] Kagura
    Doesn't it smell?
[17:07] Kagura
    Like a wash rag drenched in spoiled milk.
[17:11] Otae
    Kagura-chan, you shouldn't say that.
[17:13] Toshi
    I'm hearing some really nasty comments!
[17:16] Kagura
    But you're starting to tear up, boss lady.
[17:19] Otae
    Stop that, Kagura-chan.
[17:21] Otae
    Some things aren't meant
    to be said out loud...
[17:23] Toshi
    Yeah, and you're saying them out loud!
[17:26] Toshi
    The Shogun can hear everything you're saying!
[17:28] Otae
    Um, I believe that the smell is
    coming from the fur he's wearing.
[17:32] Otae
    I believe that he found it in this cabin.
[17:35] Otae
    Could you ask him to take it off?
[17:37] Toshi
    I can't do that!
[17:39] Toshi
    We're trying to stay warm!
[17:41] Toshi
    Except he already took it off!
[17:43] Toshi
    The Shogun has changed his objective!
[17:45] Toshi
    He's seeking a different kind of warmth!
[17:47] Toshi
    Hey, the Shogun took off that fur.
[17:50] Toshi
    Get going.
[17:51] Gin
    Hey, hold on.
[17:52] Gin
    Doesn't it stink?
[17:54] Toshi
    Why are you joining in?!
[17:56] Toshi
    He already took off the fur!
[17:57] Gin
    Are you sure that the smell
    was coming from the fur?
[18:00] Gin
    I think the smell's gotten worse.
[18:02] Kagura
    I think this is a completely different smell.
[18:05] Toshi
    Just stop already!
[18:06] Toshi
    The Shogun's wearing
    nothing but his underwear!
[18:07] Toshi
    What could possibly stink?!
[18:08] Kondo
    The Shogun is pretending to stretch
    while checking if his armpits smell!
[18:11] Kondo
    Stop! Don't hurt him anymore!
[18:14] Gin
    That must be the source.
[18:16] Gin
    Must have been all stuffed up under that fur.
[18:19] Gin
    We'll have to ask him to take it off.
[18:21] Toshi
    Don't be ridiculous!
[18:22] Toshi
    It would be suicide to stand naked
    in the middle of a blizzard!
[18:25] Toshi
    Shogun!
[18:26] Toshi
    You don't even have an heir yet?!
[18:28] Kagura
    That's gross. I don't wanna go near him.
[18:30] Toshi
    Want me to kill you?!
[18:32] Toshi
    He took everything off because
    you kept complaining!
[18:35] Toshi
    Now huddle together!
[18:36] Toshi
    The Shogun needs some warmth
    for his body and heart!
[18:39] Okita
    Stop your whining.
[18:41] Okita
    We don't have time to gripe about
    bad smells or grotesque objects.
[18:45] Shin
    That's rude.
[18:46] Shin
    Don't you have any tact?
[18:48] Okita
    Fine.
[18:48] Okita
    We'll go first.
[18:50] Toshi
    Oh, that works.
[18:51] Toshi
    I don't care who's first, just go!
[18:53] Shin
    I can't smell anything.
[18:56] Shin
    It's just a man's odor...
[18:58] Kondo
    Lord Shogun! Have them executed!
[19:01] Okita
    S-Sorry, China girl...
[19:04] Kagura
    It's fine if you understand now.
[19:06] Toshi
    It's not fine!
[19:07] Toshi
    Why are the two of you
    agreeing now of all times?!
[19:09] Okita
    Don't worry.
[19:11] Okita
    We can't huddle together if he's naked,
[19:14] Okita
    so let's find him some new clothes.
[19:16] Kagura
    And they'll help to cover the smell.
[19:18] Toshi
    Hey!
[19:19] Toshi
    You've reduced the Shogun to a dress-up doll!
[19:23] Okita
    How's this?
[19:24] Toshi
    What are you trying to cover?!
[19:26] Toshi
    Why is he wearing nothing but a turtleneck?!
[19:28] Toshi
    The place that really needs to
    be covered is still exposed!
[19:30] Toshi
    And why does this remind me of
    a plastic surgery commercial?!
[19:34] Okita
    That particular region has its
    own turtleneck already.
[19:37] Toshi
    Why are you grinning like an idiot?
[19:39] Toshi
    That wasn't funny!
[19:40] Kondo
    That settles it.
[19:41] Kondo
    The adults will have to get things going.
[19:44] Zura
    Change the plan so we
    stand next to the Shogun,
[19:48] Zura
    while the girls and kids are outside.
[19:50] Zura
    Here's a diagram.
[19:52] Toshi
    Why is the censor pointing towards me?!
[19:55] Gin
    Somebody has to do it.
[19:57] Gin
    Don't you specialize in doing the
    dirty work, Shinsengumi Vice Chief?
[20:01] Toshi
    This is too dirty!
[20:02] Gin
    Stop bitching and start
    warming the Shogun's Shogun!
[20:08] Toshi
    This is all your fault!
[20:09] Toshi
    You should take responsibility!
[20:13] Gin
    Zura!
[20:13] Gin
    This is your chance to defeat the Bakufu!
[20:15] Zura
    He's already limp!
[20:18] Zura
    Shinsengumi!
[20:19] Zura
    You should be ashamed of yourselves
    for exposing your leader!
[20:22] Kondo
    Toshi!
[20:23] Toshi
    Curly hair!
[20:24] Gin
    -Zura!
[20:24] Zura
    -Shinsengumi!
[20:26] Kondo
    Toshi!
[20:27] Toshi
    Curly hair!
[20:35] Toshi
    Hey! Wait!
[20:36] Kondo
    Look out!
[20:42] A
    Hmm? What's that?!
[20:45] B
    Hey! Look at that!
[20:49] Yama
    Something's... Something's rising in the sky!
[20:52] A
    Is that an SOS signal from
    Kondo-san and the others?!
[20:56] Yama
    Hold on!
[20:57] Yama
    That's...
[21:00] Yama
    The Shogun?
[21:19] Toshi
    We're warm now.
[21:32] A
    Hey, look at him!
[21:34] A
    Damn, he's so cool!
[21:37] B
    He's airborne!
[21:39] B
    Awesome!
[21:40] D
    What? Is he a pro or something?
[21:42] Both
    Huh?
[21:44] Matsu
    Yes, hello?
[21:46] Matsu
    Good work.
[21:49] Matsu
    I guess I put you through a lot of trouble.
[21:51] Matsu
    Yeah, he's completely hooked,
    so we're back again today.
[21:56] Matsu
    But I have one question.
[22:05] Matsu
    Is that how snowboarding works?
SIGN    Next Episode: There are some things you  should not forget when drinking away  the past year at year-end parties.
[23:40] Gin
    Next time:
[23:41] Gin
    There are some things you should not forget
[23:43] Gin
    when drinking away the past
    year at year-end parties.
SIGN    We're already halfway through December. For  grown-ups, this is the season for forgetting.
SIGN    Drink alcohol, but don't let alcohol get the better  of you. Gin-san gets drunk and makes a huge mistake?!

E239 - You know those year-end parties where you keep drinking until you've forgotten everything that happened the past year?  There are a few things you're not supposed to forget
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    We're approaching the end of another year so  let's look back at this year's Gintama anime!!
SIGN    ...By drinking!!
SIGN    You know those year-end parties where you keep drinking until you've forgotten  everything that happened the past year? There are a few things you're not supposed to forget.
[01:47] All
    Here's to another year!
[01:50] Shin
    Yeah, another year's gone by.
[01:52] Shin
    That was so fast.
[01:53] Kagura
    Not surprising. A lot happened this year.
[01:56] Kagura
    A Gintama recompilation,
    producer P making noise,
[01:59] Kagura
    more incidents than I can count.
[02:01] Shin
    We're the only ones who
    would remember any of that.
[02:03] Shin
    Well, it was a rough time,
[02:04] ---
    but we can look back now and laugh about the memories.
[02:07] Shin
    Let's do our best again next year, Gin-san.
[02:10] Gin
    Don't start celebrating!
[02:12] Kagura
    What was that for, Gin-chan?
[02:14] Gin
    Why are you fools acting like
    the year's already over?
[02:18] Shin
    Uh, isn't that what this party is for?
[02:19] Gin
    Haven't you heard the saying that if
    you want to make it a hundred leagues,
[02:22] Gin
    consider ninety leagues the halfway point?
[02:23] Gin
    Sure, we're still on the air,
[02:26] Gin
    but if we get too excited and screw up,
[02:28] ---
    this show will kick the can.
[02:30] Gin
    We must be extremely careful
    as we take the last step.
[02:35] Shin
    S-Sorry...
[02:37] Shin
    I guess I was a little too excited.
[02:39] Kagura
    I'm impressed, Gin-chan.
[02:41] Kagura
    You can stay cool at a year-end party.
[02:43] Gin
    Now I'll play this tape so we can listen
[02:45] ---
    to some cool and have a cool party.
[02:53] Gin
    Sorry about hitting you, Shinpachi.
[02:56] Gin
    Try to control yourself.
[02:58] Shin
    Yes!
[02:58] Gin
    Then I'll pour you some tea.
SIGN    Oolong Tea
[03:00] Shin
    Hey! You're about to get us pulled off air!
[03:04] Shin
    Hey! Are you already drunk?!
[03:06] Shin
    Everyone says that you shouldn't
    let alcohol get the better of you.
[03:08] Gin
    It's okay.
[03:09] Gin
    I need to drink a lot more before
    I start doing anything stupid.
[03:13] Otose
    Oh, you already started?
[03:15] Otose
    That's cold.
[03:16] Gin
    Oh, there you are!
[03:18] Gin
    Hey, bring more booze! Put it on Otose's tab!
[03:21] Otose
    Nobody gave you permission to do that, Curly!
[03:23] Kyubei
    No, the Yagyu will pick up the bill.
[03:25] Otae
    You shouldn't spoil them.
[03:27] Otae
    Um, the man with sunglasses
    will work off the bill.
[03:30] Madao
    Yes! I have a job!
[03:33] Shin
    Is Gin-san really okay?
[03:35] Kagura
    He only gets to drink
    himself silly once a year.
[03:38] Shin
    I hope nothing happens.
[03:48] Gin
    Ow...
[03:50] Gin
    What happened yesterday?
[03:53] Gin
    No good. Can't remember.
[03:55] Gin
    And where am I?
[03:57] Gin
    Why am I naked?
[04:04] Gin
    Hey, what is this?
[04:07] Gin
    No way.
[04:07] Gin
    Wait, no way.
[04:08] Gin
    Really?
[04:09] Gin
    Wait, does this mean...
[04:11] Gin
    I passed the critical point in a Jump show!
[04:14] Gin
    I've made a huge mistake,
    because I was drunk...
SIGN    Indecent behavior at 6 PM!! I was drunk...
[04:18] Gin
    If... If the PTA finds out, we're finished!
[04:21] Gin
    C-Calm down.
[04:22] Gin
    Remember what happened yesterday.
[04:25] Gin
    It's possible that nothing happened.
[04:27] Gin
    Nope! Unfortunately, I
    can't remember a thing!
[04:29] Gin
    Wait, I don't have time for that.
[04:32] Gin
    Who is this?
[04:33] Gin
    I can't remember that either!
[04:34] Gin
    Hopefully, it isn't anyone I know.
[04:36] Gin
    Please!
[04:50] Gin
    F-Forget the critical point!
[04:52] Gin
    I've left the atmosphere!
[05:03] Gin
    U-Uh, sorry...
[05:06] Gin
    I-I can't remember anything...
[05:08] Gin
    Why am I apologizing?!
[05:10] Gin
    Why am I acting all nice?! That's disgusting!
[05:12] Otose
    R-Really. I can't remember anything either.
[05:14] Gin
    Why isn't she looking at me?
[05:16] Gin
    Why is she acting like a woman?!
[05:18] Gin
    Stop it, Gran!
[05:19] Gin
    Don't play dumb!
[05:21] Otose
    That's perfect.
[05:23] Otose
    Neither of us remembers.
[05:26] Otose
    Nothing happened.
[05:27] Otose
    I can accept that.
[05:29] Otose
    Let's just forget about this.
[05:32] Gin
    I can't just forget about this crazy event!
[05:36] Gin
    Yeah, sorry about this.
[05:38] Gin
    Why am I still apologizing?!
[05:39] Gin
    I just sound like a creep!
[05:42] Otose
    Stop it, you sound weird.
[05:44] Otose
    Besides, it's entirely possible
    that nothing actually happened.
[05:47] Gin
    Th-That's true.
[05:49] Gin
    We both got drunk and fell
    asleep in the same bed.
[05:52] Otose
    W-We should be heading home.
[05:54] Otose
    They might be starting to worry about us.
[05:57] Otose
    Oh, but we should probably
    go home separately.
[05:59] Otose
    Don't want anyone to get the wrong idea.
[06:02] Otose
    S-See you later.
[06:03] Gin
    Why are we acting like this
    is some kind of office tryst?!
[06:14] Gin
    I feel sick! I feel sick!
[06:17] Gin
    I can't tell if it's because I'm hung
    over or because I did something nasty!
[06:21] Gin
    Why did this happen?!
[06:22] Gin
    I should have listened
    to Shinpachi's warning!
[06:25] Shin
    Everyone says that you shouldn't
    let alcohol get the better of you.
[06:28] Gin
    It's only been one day, but
    now they seem so far away!
[06:33] Gin
    Feels like it's been ages since
    we were Odd Jobs together!
[06:36] Gin
    Can I no longer go back to
    being the normal person I was?
[06:40] Gin
    How am I supposed to act
    when I walk in the door?
SIGN    Snack Otose
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan Snack Otose
[06:43] Gin
    And how much do they know?
[06:46] Gin
    Damn! I can't go home!
[06:48] Tama
    Welcome back.
[06:50] Tama
    Were you out all night, Master Gintoki?
[06:52] Gin
    I-I wasn't out all night!
[06:54] Tama
    But it's already morning.
[06:55] Gin
    Y-Yes, but don't make it sound so dirty!
[06:57] Gin
    U-Uh, when I woke up, I
    was next to a dumpster.
[07:01] Gin
    G-Guess I had too much to drink.
[07:03] Tama
    I never asked for an explanation.
[07:05] Tama
    Actually, Lady Otose just
    returned and told me that
[07:07] ---
    she woke up next to a dumpster.
[07:09] Gin
    W-We weren't sleeping next
    to the same dumpster!
[07:11] Gin
    We were in completely different places!
[07:13] Gin
    We weren't sleeping together!
    Don't get the wrong idea!
[07:16] Tama
    What do you mean by that?
[07:19] Gin
    Uh, er, well...
[07:21] Gin
    Damn, I feel sick again!
[07:24] Tama
    Get a hold of yourself.
[07:26] Tama
    How many more bars did you visit?
[07:28] Gin
    W-Well, I actually can't remember.
[07:31] Gin
    What happened?
[07:34] Tama
    Lady Kagura said that she was sleepy,
[07:37] Tama
    so Master Shinpachi took her
    home after the second bar.
[07:40] Tama
    Lady Catherine keeled over at the third bar,
[07:43] Tama
    so I carried her home.
[07:45] Tama
    Everyone was very drunk at this point.
[07:48] Gin
    I see. Who stayed behind?
[07:50] Tama
    Lady Otose, Lady Otae, Lady
    Kyubei, and Master Hasegawa.
[07:54] Tama
    At the third bar, you ran into the ninjas.
[07:58] Tama
    And the fourth bar was going to be in Yoshiwara.
[08:01] Gin
    A-Anyway, Shinpachi and Kagura
    don't know what happened.
[08:05] Gin
    So I only need to worry about the adults.
SIGN    Snack Otose
[08:07] Gin
    It's possible that they were all so drunk
    that they can't remember anything, so what do I do?
[08:09] Gin
    Should I ask them?
[08:11] Tama
    Master Gintoki?
[08:12] Gin
    Either way, I can't go home before
    I've figured out what happened.
[08:14] Gin
    I need to find out if I'm clean.
[08:16] Gin
    But if I'm not, I still can't go home.
SIGN    Kodokan Dojo
[08:20] Gin
    Excuse me!
[08:22] Otae
    Yes?
[08:24] Otae
    G-Gin-san.
[08:25] Gin
    Oh, yesterday was a lot of fun.
[08:27] Gin
    I was wondering if Shinpachi made it home.
[08:30] Gin
    H-How are you doing?
[08:31] Gin
    You were pretty drunk.
[08:34] Gin
    Hey, why did you turn around?
[08:36] Otae
    N-Not really. My job requires
    me to drink all the time.
[08:39] Gin
    Why won't she look at my face?
[08:41] Gin
    Hey, she definitely knows something!
[08:43] Gin
    She knows that Gran and I did the deed?!
[08:45] Gin
    So something actually happened?!
[08:47] Otae
    Um, I don't mind.
[08:50] Otae
    It was the alcohol.
[08:52] Otae
    Just a lapse in judgment.
[08:54] Otae
    Let's forget it ever happened.
[08:56] Otae
    It was a one night mistake.
[08:58] Gin
    You liar! You obviously
    remember what happened!
[09:01] Otae
    I won't tell Shin-chan.
[09:03] Gin
    W-Wait!
[09:04] Gin
    I can't remember anything from yesterday.
[09:07] Gin
    So I don't know what actually happened.
[09:09] Otae
    You can't remember?
[09:13] Gin
    Debris!
[09:16] Otae
    Y-You violated a girl's,
[09:18] Otae
    violated my honor, and you can't remember?!
[09:22] Otae
    That's despicable!
[09:24] Otae
    So it really was just the alcohol.
[09:27] Otae
    I didn't think you were such a creep!
[09:29] Otae
    Never show your face around here again!
[09:32] Gin
    Violated my honor?
[09:34] Gin
    What does that mean?
[09:35] Gin
    Huh? Doesn't she mean Gran's honor?
[09:37] Gin
    But Gran doesn't have
    any honor left anywhere.
[09:40] Gin
    Huh?
[09:43] Gin
    What?!
[09:45] Gin
    Kyubei-kun! Please come out!
[09:48] Gin
    So I slept with Gran and Otae?!
[09:51] Gin
    Could you please open the
    door? It can't be true!
[09:53] ---
    I don't believe it! I refuse to believe it!
[09:56] Gin
    Kyubei-kun!
[09:57] Gin
    I have a question!
[09:58] Gin
    What happened at the fourth bar?
[10:01] Tojo
    We welcome the next lord of
    the Yagyu, Master Gintoki!
[10:06] Gin
    What did you say?
[10:07] Tojo
    I am so grateful!
[10:09] Tojo
    Last night, you were able to convince our
[10:11] ---
    lady to give up her desire to become a man!
[10:13] Tojo
    She was crying in her room this morning,
[10:17] Tojo
    but she just made her decision!
[10:20] Tojo
    Our lady has accepted her
    role as our princess!
[10:24] Kyubei
    After what happened last night,
[10:26] ---
    I have no choice but to live as a woman.
[10:29] Kyubei
    Gintoki, you must take responsibility.
[10:31] Tojo
    Ah! Where are you going?!
[10:34] Tojo
    After him!
[10:36] Sa
    So sorry, Yagyu-san!
[10:38] Sa
    The phantom thief Koikage
    has stolen your groom!
[10:41] Sa
    We were a team long before you ever met him!
[10:45] Sa
    What did he steal?
[10:47] Sa
    That should be obvious.
[10:48] Sa
    My precious virgi-
[10:50] A
    Runny Diarrhea hit her with his poop!
[10:53] Tojo
    They fell down!
[10:54] Tojo
    Capture Master Gintoki!
[10:58] Gin
    What's going on?!
[10:59] Gin
    What have I done?!
[11:01] A
    Look, it's a procession of courtesans.
[11:04] A
    She's a real beauty!
[11:05] B
    But I don't recognize her.
[11:08] B
    She hasn't been around.
[11:10] B
    I heard that she's going to leave Yoshiwara.
[11:12] B
    A woman like her must have been expensive.
[11:19] Tsu
    Two hundred million.
[11:20] Tsu
    Work hard to pay it off.
[11:22] Gin
    H-How many mistakes did I make in one night?!
[11:27] Gin
    This is a lie!
[11:28] Gin
    I can't remember any of these?!
[11:31] Gin
    Ha-Hasegawa-san!
[11:33] Gin
    What did I do yesterday?!
[11:34] Madao
    Get drunk and forget it ever happened.
[11:36] Madao
    I'll do the same.
[11:39] Madao
    Last night never happened.
[11:42] Gin
    Y-You too...
[11:47] Zenzo
    Eh, you should be fine.
[11:50] Zenzo
    I can't remember what happened,
[11:52] Zenzo
    but everyone was completely drunk.
[11:54] Zenzo
    And the hostess girl was feeling sick,
[11:58] ---
    so you took her to the restroom.
[12:01] Zenzo
    Ten minutes or so passed.
[12:04] Zenzo
    Then you finally came back and
    said that she had gone home.
[12:08] Zenzo
    I remember you looked happy for some reason.
[12:11] Zenzo
    Then the eye patch girl was feeling sick,
[12:15] ---
    so you helped her and came back happy.
[12:19] Zenzo
    The same thing happened with Sarutobi.
[12:21] Zenzo
    But in the Yoshiwara lady's
    case, she dragged you outside.
[12:26] Zenzo
    Ten minutes later, you came back in
    tears with your clothes shredded.
[12:30] Zenzo
    And when you went off with the
    sunglasses guy, you took a lot longer.
[12:33] Zenzo
    Twenty minutes, I think.
[12:35] Zenzo
    And once the sun rose, you carried
    the drunk old lady off somewhere.
[12:41] Gin
    How is that fine?!
[12:43] Gin
    Am I Dr. Dolittle?!
[12:45] Zenzo
    Considering you carried off that
    old lady, I'd have to agree.
[12:48] Zenzo
    You must be a real animal lover.
[12:51] Gin
    And I was actually victimized once!
[12:54] Gin
    And why was Hasegawa-san twenty minutes?!
[12:57] Zenzo
    The second time must have been too much.
[12:59] Gin
    Bastard!
[13:00] Gin
    You should have stopped me!
[13:03] Gin
    What do we do now?!
[13:04] Gin
    A different show will be airing
    in this slot in January!
[13:07] Zenzo
    Calm down.
[13:08] Zenzo
    There's nothing wrong with doing the deed.
[13:11] Zenzo
    It's only wrong when you have no
    intention of taking responsibility.
[13:16] Zenzo
    Everything depends on how you behave now.
[13:18] Zenzo
    So man up.
SIGN    Tenny's
[13:20] Otose
    Huh?!
[13:21] Otose
    You want to start a serious relationship
    that might lead to marriage?!
[13:24] Otose
    What are you talking about?!
[13:25] Otose
    Did you hit your head on something?
    You're making me sick.
[13:27] Gin
    I'm the one who feels sick.
[13:29] Gin
    W-Well, I did some thinking,
[13:31] Gin
    and you know how I said I
    didn't remember anything?
[13:34] Gin
    I was actually lying.
[13:36] Otae
    Oh? So you were fully aware
    of what you were doing?
[13:40] Gin
    So, I'm saying that I'm going
    to take responsibility.
[13:45] Tojo
    Really? When you ran away,
    I was prepared to kill you.
[13:49] Tojo
    Princess, Master Gintoki is
    prepared to lead the Yagyu!
[13:53] Gin
    Y-Yeah, but you know?
[13:55] Gin
    We can't just get married on the spot.
[13:57] ---
    We should take this one step at a time.
[13:58] Sa
    After jumping right into bed with me?!
[14:02] Sa
    Are you toying with me?!
[14:04] Gin
    N-No, I'm very serious,
[14:06] Gin
    but I was thinking that you need time
[14:08] ---
    to consider how you feel about me.
[14:10] Tsu
    I've already made up my mind.
[14:13] Tsu
    First, you need to fork
    over two hundred million.
[14:15] Tsu
    That money will be spent on bodyguards
    for Yoshiwara after I'm gone.
[14:17] Gin
    W-We can talk about money some other time!
[14:20] Gin
    Anyway, are you sure you want to be with me?!
[14:22] Gin
    I'm dirt poor!
[14:23] Gin
    Are you sure about this?
[14:25] Madao
    I wouldn't mind falling to the
    bottom of society with you.
[14:29] Madao
    That's how I feel now.
[14:32] Gin
    They're all interested for some reason!
[14:34] Zenzo
    I see.
[14:35] Zenzo
    I was thinking that you could scare some
[14:38] ---
    of them off by getting too serious.
[14:41] Gin
    How am I getting serious?!
[14:42] Gin
    I'm a six-timing bastard! I'm a sleazebag!
[14:45] Zenzo
    That was already true when you
    slept with six people in one night.
[14:49] Zenzo
    Well, this is kind of
    similar to Strawberry 100%.
[14:52] Gin
    I don't remember Strawberry 100%
    having an old lady and an old man!
[14:56] Gin
    That would make for some traumatic images!
[14:58] Gin
    Fanservice 0%!
[15:00] Gin
    If they find out I'm a six-timing bastard,
    I'll be ripped apart in six directions.
[15:03] Gin
    I should apologize now.
[15:06] Zenzo
    You think they'll let Bunta-san
    get away with that?
[15:08] Zenzo
    If they find out, they'll kill you.
[15:09] Zenzo
    If you apologize, they'll kill you.
[15:11] Zenzo
    There's only one way to survive.
[15:13] Zenzo
    Take responsibility by going
    out with all six of them
[15:16] Zenzo
    without the others finding out.
[15:18] Zenzo
    If they get sick of you
    and leave, you're free.
[15:22] Zenzo
    It's a short-term strategy.
[15:24] Zenzo
    I'm willing to help.
[15:26] Otose
    What?! Live together?!
[15:27] Gin
    Y-Yeah... We might get married,
    so this is like a dry run.
[15:32] Otose
    Why do you keep pushing on ahead?!
[15:34] Otose
    You're making me sick!
[15:35] Gin
    We won't really know each other
    until we've lived together.
[15:39] Gin
    If you get sick of me, go ahead and leave.
[15:42] Otae
    But this place would be too
    small for the three of us.
[15:44] Gin
    Who's the third person?
[15:46] Otae
    Shin-chan.
[15:46] ---
    And there would also be
    Kagura-chan and Sadaharu-kun.
[15:48] Gin
    That would be a bad idea!
[15:51] Gin
    We might be living together, but
    we still have our own lives.
[15:54] Gin
    So just drop by when you can.
[15:55] Gin
    We'll keep this our secret until I've
    straightened everything out with the others.
[15:58] Tojo
    That makes sense!
[15:59] Tojo
    Then the princess will
    take Tuesday and Thursday,
[16:00] Tojo
    while I take Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday,
    Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday!
[16:03] Gin
    Why are you here every day?!
[16:05] Gin
    I'll be at Odd Jobs during the day,
[16:07] Gin
    but I'll try to be here every night.
[16:10] Sa
    You're only coming back at night?!
[16:12] Sa
    Does that mean you're only after my body?!
[16:15] Gin
    I can probably just ignore her.
[16:18] Gin
    D-Don't get the wrong idea.
[16:20] Gin
    I don't have anything dirty in mind.
[16:23] Tsu
    Do as you please.
[16:25] Tsu
    We can get lotioned up
    and two hundred million.
[16:29] Tsu
    Or you can two hundred
    million between my boobies.
[16:31] Tsu
    Or two hundred million inside me.
[16:34] Tsu
    Take your pick.
[16:35] Gin
    I don't get to choose anything!
[16:37] Gin
    You just want your two hundred million!
[16:39] Gin
    Anyway, I'll pay the rent,
[16:41] Gin
    so let's not talk about money again.
[16:47] Gin
    Hey! The situation has clearly gotten worse!
[16:51] Zenzo
    Couples that live together usually
    end up not getting married.
[16:54] Zenzo
    Think about it.
[16:55] Zenzo
    Who would want to spend their life with
    you after seeing how you normally behave?
[16:58] Gin
    That doesn't mean we should put
    all six of them in one house!
[17:01] Zenzo
    Don't be picky.
[17:03] Zenzo
    This happens to be an
    apartment my old man runs.
[17:05] Zenzo
    You can work it out.
[17:06] Gin
    Hey, are you really trying to help me?
[17:09] Gin
    Are you sure you're not
    just playing with me?!
[17:11] Zenzo
    Don't worry.
[17:12] ---
    My favorite Jump series is the romantic comedy To Love-Ru Darkness!
[17:16] Gin
    That doesn't make me feel better!
[17:17] Gin
    You're going to turn this show
    into To Love-Ru Darkness!
[17:20] Otae
    What? I shouldn't go outside?
[17:22] Otae
    But then I can't go shopping or cook.
[17:27] Gin
    Well, it's pretty dangerous these days.
[17:28] Gin
    I can do the shopping.
[17:30] Otae
    Are you worried about me?
[17:32] Gin
    O-Of course I am!
[17:34] Gin
    If a pretty girl like you goes
    outside, the men will all jump you!
[17:37] Otae
    Please, Gin-san!
[17:40] Otae
    But it's a housewife's duty to go shopping.
[17:43] Otae
    I've made up my mind.
[17:44] Otae
    We're only together because of an accident,
[17:46] Otae
    but I'll do my best to support you.
[17:50] Sa
    Welcome home, Darling!
[17:52] Sa
    Would you like dinner?
[17:53] Sa
    Would you like a bath?
[17:54] Sa
    Or would you like me?!
[17:58] Otae
    Oh, no. There's a hole in the wall.
[18:00] Otae
    I'm sorry, Gin-san. Are you okay?
[18:02] Otae
    You're sweating so much.
[18:04] Otae
    Was our neighbor angry?
[18:05] Otae
    I should go apologize!
[18:06] Gin
    It's okay! I just apologized!
[18:08] Otae
    But I should apologize in person!
[18:10] Gin
    I said that it's okay!
[18:11] Gin
    The neighbor's kind of
    scary, so I got nervous.
[18:13] Gin
    You shouldn't go outside!
[18:15] Gin
    That person was clearly a deviant.
[18:16] ---
    This neighborhood is dangerous!
[18:18] Otae
    Oh, dear. How frightening.
[18:20] Otae
    But that scary neighbor
    must have forgiven us
[18:23] ---
    because I paid my respects.
[18:26] Gin
    Paid your respects?!
[18:26] Gin
    Y-You visited everyone?
[18:29] Otae
    Yes, but nobody was home,
    so I left a present.
[18:33] Gin
    What kind of present?
[18:36] Otae
    What was that? It came
    from the room next door.
[18:39] Otae
    Um, are you okay?
[18:41] Gin
    Why are you opening a hole
    in the wall when you knock?!
[18:44] Otae
    Well, I thought this would be faster.
[18:46] Gin
    That's not the problem!
[18:48] Gin
    Wait! We don't know what's
    wrong, so I'll check!
[18:53] Gin
    Kyubei! What's wrong?!
[18:55] Kyu
    That voice belongs to Gintoki...
[18:58] Kyu
    Welcome home...
[18:59] Gin
    Save that for later! What happened?!
SIGN    We just moved next door. I made a  little too much, so please have some.
[19:01] Kyu
    There were sesame buns by the door.
[19:03] Kyu
    But it turns out that they were poisoned.
[19:05] Kyu
    I'm getting heartburn.
[19:07] Gin
    No, that was made by your beloved Otae!
[19:10] Gin
    You fool!
[19:11] Gin
    A rich person shouldn't need to eat
    food that's been on the ground!
[19:13] Otae
    Gin-san, is everything okay?
[19:16] Kyu
    I just heard Tae-chan's voice...
[19:17] Gin
    You're hearing things now?! Hang on!
[19:19] Kyu
    I see, it was my imagination.
[19:21] Kyu
    So I still can't forget about Tae-chan...
[19:24] Gin
    D-Don't worry about it.
[19:26] Gin
    Anyway, if she makes any more
    noise, the others will find out.
[19:28] Gin
    I need to shut her up.
[19:30] Gin
    H-Hold on. I'll help you throw it up.
[19:34] Kyu
    Don't touch me!
[19:39] Gin
    I-I'm home.
[19:41] Tsu
    Hey, the door is over there.
[19:43] Gin
    Oops, I screwed up.
[19:45] Kyu
    Gintoki, are you okay?
[19:47] Kyu
    Sorry, I moved without thinking.
[19:48] Kyu
    Wait, I'll pull you out.
[19:49] Tsu
    You fool.
[19:50] Tsu
    What are you doing?
[19:52] Tsu
    Come on now.
[19:52] Tsu
    Dinner's getting cold.
[19:54] Gin
    Ow! Ow! Ow!
[19:56] Gin
    You're ripping apart my body!
[19:58] Gin
    Hold on!
[20:01] Gin
    I'll never get out if they both pull!
[20:03] Gin
    Push! Please push!
[20:04] Both
    Push?
[20:08] Tsuku
    Hey, Gintoki!
[20:10] Both
    Hold on! I'll circle
    around to the other side!
[20:12] Gin
    Wait!
[20:14] Gin
    If they circle around,
    they'll see each other!
[20:17] Gin
    This is good enough.
[20:18] Gin
    Let's have dinner.
[20:20] Gin
    I'm starving.
[20:22] Tsuku
    You must really want to eat my food.
[20:24] Kyu
    D-Dinner?
[20:26] Kyu
    But how am I supposed to feed you?
[20:29] Gin
    Just bring me my dinner!
[20:32] Gin
    Okay, this is my chance!
[20:33] Gin
    No good! My waist hurts so much that
    I don't have any strength left!
[20:40] Tsuku
    You see, I'm not much of a cook,
[20:42] Tsuku
    but I know how to use a hot pot.
[20:44] Gin
    How am I supposed to eat this?!
[20:47] Gin
    Am I supposed to be Goemon?!
[20:48] Tsuku
    I made it sweet, the way you like it.
[20:51] Tsuku
    Enjoy.
[20:52] Gin
    Enjoy, my ass!
[20:53] Gin
    You're clearly cooking me to eat!
[20:56] Kyu
    I tried making curry, but it
    might be a little too spicy.
[21:00] Kyu
    I don't know if it will suit your palate.
[21:02] Kyu
    And where is your palate?
[21:03] Tojo
    Since it's curry, it
    should go here, Princess.
[21:11] Tojo
    Oh! Look, Princess!
[21:12] Tojo
    He's dancing with joy!
[21:15] Kyu
    That's good. He may have a sweet
    tooth, but curry should be spicy.
[21:19] Tsuku
    Don't be in such a rush. Nobody's
    going to take your food.
[21:21] Tsuku
    I'm glad that I made it sweet.
[21:23] Gin
    I don't even know what's spicy or sweet!
[21:26] Gin
    Hey! I'm gonna die!
[21:27] Tsuku
    What?
[21:28] Kyu
    It's to die for?
[21:29] Tsu
    Really, you like it so much? Have some more.
[21:32] Tsu
    There's plenty more left!
[21:35] Tojo
    Princess! Feed him more!
[21:37] Tojo
    This is how a married couple bonds!
[21:48] Otose
    Oh, are you hungry?
[21:52] Otose
    Here, have some.
[21:56] Otose
    Okay, time for work.
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Next Episode: People Can Only  Live By Forgetting the Bad
[23:40] Gin
    Next time:
[23:41] Gin
    People can only live by forgetting the bad.
SIGN    Gintoki has passed the critical point,  and his troubles have only begun!!
SIGN    Now he must go on a date with everyone  at the same time!! This can't go well!!

E240 - People can only live by forgetting the bad
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    After getting drunk at the year-end party, Gintoki discovers  that he passed the critical point with six people in one night!!
SIGN    Zenzo suggests that Gintoki live with all of them at the same time.  Can Gintoki take responsibility for his actions? Does he even want to?!
SIGN    People Can Only Live By Forgetting the Bad
[01:48] Zen
    What's with the look on your face?
[01:50] Zen
    You can't handle taking responsibility
    for all six of them?
[01:53] Madao
    What does he mean, all six of them?!
[01:56] Gin
    Each of them is the equivalent
    of a thousand idiots.
[01:59] Gin
    How do you expect me to handle that?
[02:01] Zen
    You don't get to complain after having
    your way with all of them in one night.
[02:06] Madao
    What does he mean, all of them?!
[02:08] Madao
    Hey! You were just toying with me?!
[02:11] Zen
    The women are certainly fired up.
[02:13] Zen
    They're damn tough.
[02:14] Zen
    Once they've made a decision,
    they'll follow it through.
[02:18] Zen
    Why not make all six of them happy?
[02:22] Gin
    That's not possible!
[02:23] Gin
    I should apologize before
    this gets any uglier.
[02:26] Zen
    Then tell them everything.
[02:29] Zen
    Unload the burden and set yourself free,
[02:31] Zen
    and leave the women to taste hell.
[02:37] Sa
    Oh? Fancy meeting you here.
[02:40] Otae
    What are you doing here, Sarutobi-san?
[02:42] Gin
    O-Over there!
[02:44] Gin
    M-My worst fears have been realized!
[02:45] Gin
    The women have bumped into one another!
[02:48] Sa
    Oh? You want to know?
[02:50] Sa
    I'm living happily with my
    darling in this apartment.
[02:54] Gin
    Hey! Don't say another word!
[02:56] Otae
    Congratulations.
[02:57] Otae
    Is your darling a figment
    of your imagination? CG?
[02:59] Sa
    How rude! He's not two dimensional!
[03:01] Otae
    Oh, so those are 3D glasses.
[03:04] Otae
    What a coincidence.
[03:05] Otae
    I'm also living with someone special now.
[03:07] Gin
    Huh?
[03:08] Sa
    You must be joking!
[03:09] Sa
    A crude girl like you is living with a man?!
[03:11] Sa
    Who is it?
[03:13] Otae
    That's a secret.
[03:14] Otae
    He told me not to tell anyone.
[03:16] Sa
    M-My darling also told me not to tell anyone!
[03:18] Sa
    He used his lips to seal mine!
[03:20] Gin
    Don't lie!
[03:21] Gin
    Why are you competing with each other?!
[03:22] Kyu
    I see. So Tae-chan has
    found a special someone.
[03:25] Otae
    Kyu-chan.
[03:26] Kyu
    That settles it then.
[03:29] Kyu
    I'll face reality and
    live happily as a woman.
[03:34] Kyu
    With him.
[03:35] Sa
    Kyubei-san, don't tell me that
    you've also found someone?!
[03:38] Otae
    R-Really, Kyu-chan?
[03:39] Otae
    Wh-Who is he?
[03:40] Sa
    I can't tell you...
[03:41] Gin
    Hey! This is about to get really nasty!
[03:44] Sa
    Stop playing coy and tell us who it is!
[03:46] Sa
    It's probably some ugly pig!
[03:48] Otae
    That's right. I need to say
    hello to your boyfriend!
[03:51] Kyu
    When the time comes, we'll
    visit you and Polygonzo.
[03:56] Sa
    What's that supposed to mean?!
[03:57] Sa
    Just tell us now!
[03:59] Tsu
    Enough of this foolishness.
[04:01] Tsu
    An outsider shouldn't pry into
    someone's private affairs.
[04:04] Tsu
    Leave her be.
[04:07] Sa
    Well, well, you look so lovely in that apron.
[04:10] Sa
    Don't worry. Nobody's interested in you.
[04:12] Sa
    But if you want to know who my
    darling is, I might tell you!
[04:15] Tsu
    Have fun with Pixelmon.
[04:17] Sa
    Stop lowering the quality!
[04:20] S
    Enough already.
[04:22] S
    Just so you know, my darling is super hot!
[04:25] S
    I guarantee that he'll blow your
    boyfriends out of the water!
[04:27] Gin
    Stop it! Not another word!
[04:29] Otae
    Of course, since he's CG.
[04:31] Otae
    My boyfriend looks kind of dumb,
    but he's a venture entrepreneur.
[04:35] Otae
    We live in this worn down
    apartment right now,
[04:38] Otae
    but eventually he'll help turn our
    dojo into a palace where we can live.
SIGN    Kodokan Dojo
[04:41] Gin
    Venture entrepreneur?!
[04:42] Gin
    I never promised anything!
[04:44] Kyu
    Tae-chan, a man needs more than
    money to protect his family.
[04:48] Kyu
    My boyfriend doesn't have much
    income, but he's a strong fighter.
[04:51] Kyu
    I believe that he's one of the
    Seven Warlords of the Sea.
[04:55] Gin
    The hell I am!
[04:56] Gin
    Why do they have to compete?!
[04:57] Tsu
    Foolishness.
[04:59] Tsu
    The only thing that matters is
    that you believe he's the best.
[05:02] Tsu
    Well, I don't particularly feel
    that my boyfriend is that special.
[05:06] Tsu
    But he was popular with
    the Yoshiwara courtesans.
[05:09] Tsu
    And he defeated the villain
    of Yoshiwara all by himself.
[05:12] Gin
    So you're still going to join in?!
[05:14] Sa
    You're also bragging about your man, Tsu-ki!
[05:17] Otae
    Well, my boyfriend would have no trouble
    defeating the villain of Yoshiwara.
[05:21] Otae
    And my boyfriend is also one of
    the Seven Warlords of the Sea.
[05:23] Sa
    Y-You too?
[05:25] Sa
    What a coincidence! My darling is
    also one of the Seven Warlords!
[05:28] Tsu
    What a small world.
[05:29] Tsu
    Four of the Seven Warlords
    live in this apartment.
[05:32] Gin
    Over half of the Warlords are me!
[05:35] Otose
    Hmph, you girls are so blabby.
[05:38] Otose
    If you've been left here alone on a Sunday,
[05:42] ---
    it's obvious that he doesn't love you.
[05:45] Otae
    Otose-san! Are you the same?
[05:47] Sa
    How rude! We're just role playing!
[05:50] Sa
    Besides, you're in the same position.
[05:51] Otose
    Hmph, we've been together for a long time.
[05:55] Otose
    We're past the stage of going on dates.
[06:00] Otose
    But since tomorrow is the 7th,
[06:02] Otose
    he mentioned that we might go out,
    since he's one of the Seven Warlords.
[06:07] Otose
    I believe.
[06:09] Gin
    Gran! You're joining in?!
[06:11] Otae
    Oh, you're also going
    on a Seven Warlord date?
[06:14] Otae
    So am I!
[06:15] Sa
    Oh, I believe my darling
    mentioned something about that!
[06:18] Kyu
    Hey, enough of this.
[06:19] Kyu
    I was the first one to bring
    up the Seven Warlords.
[06:22] Tsu
    R-Really?
[06:23] Tsu
    So we'll all be going on dates tomorrow?
[06:25] Tsu
    Maybe we'll run into each other somewhere.
[06:26] Gin
    Why are you deciding my schedule for me?!
[06:28] Gin
    The hell is a Seven Warlord date?!
[06:29] Gin
    There's only one warlord here!
[06:30] Gin
    There's only Whitehair Gintoki!
[06:36] Otae
    It all happened so suddenly.
[06:39] Otae
    So we haven't been on a real date yet.
[06:42] Gin
    I'm busy tomorrow...
[06:45] Sa
    The neighbor said her boyfriend
[06:46] ---
    is taking off work to go out with her.
[06:47] Gin
    Th-That has nothing to do with us.
[06:49] Gin
    If that's what you want, you can
    marry the boyfriend next door.
[06:53] Tojo
    Fine! Then I'll leave!
[06:55] Tojo
    But that means you have to take
    the princess on a date on the 7th!
[06:58] Gin
    Uh, you were still here?
[07:00] Gin
    Fine, how about the 8th?
[07:02] Gin
    One day shouldn't make
    that much of a difference.
[07:04] Tsu
    I want to go on the 7th.
[07:05] Gin
    Why does it have to be on the 7th?
[07:08] Otose
    Well, I was told that I
    don't have long to live.
[07:11] Otose
    By the 8th, I'll be...
[07:12] Gin
    Don't lie to me, you old hag!
[07:13] Otae
    Anyway, I want to go on the 7th.
[07:15] Gin
    Can you tell me why?
[07:17] Otae
    Oh, sorry. My hand slipped.
[07:20] Gin
    Why won't the 8th work?
[07:22] Gin
    Oh, my hand slipped.
SIGN    Greater Edo Planetarium
[07:38] Zen
    Ten minutes until you're
    supposed to meet them.
[07:40] Zen
    Are you ready?
[07:41] Gin
    Yeah, tell Shinpachi and Kagura
    to take care of themselves.
[07:45] Zen
    Don't worry. You can make this work.
[07:48] Gin
    Unfortunately, I only have one body.
[07:51] Gin
    I can't go on a date with
    five people at the same time.
[07:53] Zen
    Hey, who do you think I am?
[07:56] Zen
    I once led the Oniwabanshu.
[07:58] Gin
    Are you going to teach
    me the Clone Technique?
[08:01] Zen
    Five is pretty difficult,
    so we'll start with two.
[08:05] Gin
    Wait, are you serious?
[08:06] Gin
    That's not possible.
[08:06] Zen
    Just close your eyes.
[08:09] Zen
    Envision what I'm about to tell you.
[08:13] Zen
    Picture Pi-ko in your mind
    as accurately as you can.
[08:17] Gin
    Huh? Pi-ko? Why?
[08:18] Zen
    Silence!
[08:20] Zen
    Next, picture another Pi-ko
    next to the first one.
[08:23] Gin
    That's difficult! And why
    are you talking like Pi-ko?!
[08:26] Gin
    Hey, I ended up with Osugi!
[08:27] Zen
    That will work!
[08:29] Zen
    You have two clones now.
[08:30] Gin
    They're not clones! Not my clones, at least!
[08:32] Zen
    Silence!
[08:33] Zen
    Now picture another Pi-ko
    and Osugi next to them.
[08:37] Zen
    Yes, you're doing very well!
[08:39] Gin
    Hold on!
[08:40] Gin
    I got Chris Matsumura now!
[08:42] Gin
    You screwed me up with your gay talk!
[08:44] Zen
    Oh, dear.
[08:45] Zen
    Then switch the Pi-ko on the
    right to Chris Matsumura.
[08:47] Zen
    That will change the two Osugis in
    the middle into Chris Matsumuras.
[08:49] Gin
    Is this supposed to be Othello?!
[08:51] Zen
    Just do it, you horse's ass!
[08:54] Gin
    You called me a horse's ass
    and I ended up with a horse!
[08:58] Gin
    Why does it still count as Chris Matsumura?!
[09:00] Zen
    That's because you think of
    Chris Matsumura as a horse!
[09:02] Gin
    Don't be stupid! Apologize to me and Chris!
[09:05] Zen
    Whatever!
[09:06] Zen
    Chris and the horse are practically clones!
[09:08] Gin
    The hell they are!
[09:09] Gin
    I'm going to start over!
[09:11] Gin
    This is even worse!
[09:13] Gin
    It's like the evolution chart for Chris!
[09:16] Gin
    I'm sorry!
[09:17] Zen
    And we're done. That's enough.
[09:19] Zen
    Open your eyes.
[09:21] Zen
    You should be surprised.
[09:25] Gin
    Oh, yeah! I'm damn surprised!
[09:28] Gin
    Hey, are you trying to play with me?
[09:31] Gin
    You're just entertaining yourself!
[09:33] Zen
    Just a little joke.
[09:34] Zen
    They're wearing masks.
[09:35] Zen
    Take them off.
[09:36] Zen
    I'm not going to ruin the romance in the air.
[09:40] Gin
    They're inflated with air!
[09:42] Gin
    Clone Technique my ass!
[09:45] Zen
    I'm not as good as Jiraiya, but I
    can control these with my strings.
[09:48] Zen
    That way, I can use this
    to help cover your ass.
[09:51] Gin
    How is that going to help?!
[09:52] Otae
    Gin-san!
[09:54] Gin
    Shit!
[09:55] Otae
    Sorry I'm late!
[09:57] Gin
    H-Hey, don't say my name
    in such a loud voice.
[10:00] Gin
    What if there's someone who knows me?
[10:02] Otae
    Yes, yes. I'm sorry.
[10:04] Otae
    You're so shy.
[10:09] Sa
    Darling! Sorry!
[10:12] Sa
    Did you wait long?
[10:13] Sa
    Oh, were you that lonely? You're such a baby!
[10:15] Tojo
    Master Gintoki!
[10:17] Tojo
    There he is, Princess.
[10:18] Kyu
    Sorry about being late.
[10:20] Kyu
    I was choosing what to wear.
[10:22] Tojo
    What are you doing, Princess?
[10:24] Tojo
    Over here.
[10:26] Kyu
    I'm sorry.
[10:27] Kyu
    I see that you also dressed up.
[10:29] Kyu
    I almost didn't recognize you.
[10:31] Tojo
    Indeed. He's like a completely
    different person!
[10:34] Tojo
    Sorry about grabbing the wrong person.
[10:37] Tsuku
    Sorry, but I'm looking for this man.
[10:44] N
    The stars we gaze at are actually tens
    of thousands of light-years away.
[10:50] Zen
    Anyway, this should keep you safe for now.
[10:53] Zen
    We just have to make sure that
    they don't notice one another.
[10:57] Zen
    But we shouldn't need to worry
    about that when it's so dark.
[11:01] Zen
    I'm going to the restroom real quick,
    so take over these strings for me.
[11:04] Gin
    Huh?
[11:05] Gin
    I don't know how to use those.
[11:07] Zen
    I've been sitting this whole
    time and my ass is hurting.
[11:10] Zen
    This is Unit 01. This is Unit
    02. This is Unit 03 and Unit 04.
[11:13] Gin
    Huh? What?
[11:14] Gin
    What? Repeat that again.
[11:15] Zen
    You can use this to hear what they're
    saying and you can also speak through it.
[11:19] Zen
    Use the switch to change between...
[11:21] ---
    Ah, can't hold it in anymore.
[11:23] Gin
    Wait, hold on!
[11:24] Gin
    I don't know which one is Unit
    01 and which one is Unit 02!
[11:27] Kyu
    Gintoki.
[11:29] Kyu
    Am I boring you?
[11:32] Gin
    This is bad!
[11:33] Gin
    She's getting suspicious because
    I haven't said anything.
[11:36] Gin
    How do I talk into this?
[11:39] Gin
    Uh...
[11:41] Gin
    What is this?!
[11:42] Gin
    There are lines programmed into those things?
[11:45] Gin
    I have to choose one of them?
SIGN    1) Do you have any Preparation H?
SIGN    2) Are there any shower toilets here?
SIGN    3) That's a toilet with a shower.
SIGN    4) No, that's not an anal 
    fissure. Those are hemorrhoids.
SIGN    5) No, those aren't 
    hemorrhoids. That's Chris.
[11:48] Gin
    And these lines are horrible!
[11:49] Gin
    They all have to do with hemorrhoids!
[11:51] Gin
    I have no idea when line 5
    would ever come into play!
[11:55] Kyu
    I see. Sorry to bother you
    with such a foolish question.
[11:58] Gin
    Damn, I need to hurry up!
SIGN    15) I was comparing your beauty to  that of the North Star. But your...
[12:01] Gin
    There's a good line!
[12:02] Gin
    A cheesy one that's perfect
    for this situation!
[12:06] Gin
    I was comparing your beauty to
    that of the North Star.
[12:12] Gin
    But your hemorrhoids are bigger.
SIGN    But your hemorrhoids are bigger.
[12:15] Gin
    Th-There was a nasty
    bugger tacked on the end!
[12:19] Gin
    Why did that rotten ninja
    even include these lines?!
[12:22] Gin
    What do hemorrhoids have
    to do with the North Star?!
[12:25] Tojo
    Master Gintoki! What do you mean?!
[12:28] Gin
    Now I've got someone else on me!
[12:29] Tojo
    Do you mean to say that the
    princess has hemorrhoids?!
[12:32] Tojo
    And you've seen them before?!
[12:34] Kyu
    N-No! I don't have any!
[12:36] Gin
    Shit! Hurry! Cover my ass!
[12:38] Gin
    Ah, wrong one!
[12:40] Gin
    No, those aren't hemorrhoids. That's Chris.
[12:43] Gin
    The line had a use!
[12:46] A
    Hey, what's that silhouette?
[12:48] A
    It's flying?
[12:49] Otae
    What's that?
[12:51] Otae
    Huh?
[12:52] Otae
    Isn't that Gin-san?
[12:53] A
    Hey, it disappeared.
[12:54] A
    Where did it go?
[12:55] B
    Maybe it's a constellation?
[12:57] Gin
    That's a toilet with a shower.
[12:59] A
    Oh, a toilet.
[13:01] A
    Didn't know there was a toilet constellation.
[13:03] Gin
    Unit 03! Pull yourself together!
[13:05] Gin
    Hey, Unit 03!
[13:06] Gin
    Hold on, I'll give you mouth-to-nozzle!
[13:09] Gin
    Come back to us, Unit 03!
[13:11] Tojo
    Princess! Master Gintoki has vanished!
[13:14] Kyu
    Oh, no. I kicked him too hard.
[13:16] Kyu
    Hey, Gintoki!
[13:17] Kyu
    Are you okay?!
[13:18] Gin
    Guess I'll ditch the sleeping
    old hag and go for a recovery.
[13:21] Sa
    Why are the people in the
    center making so much noise?
[13:25] Sa
    I should go warn them.
[13:27] Gin
    Sh-Shit! They're going
    to bump into each other!
[13:30] Gin
    I believe that this string controls Unit 02!
[13:37] Sa
    You don't want me to go?
[13:39] Sa
    Are you lonely without me, Darling?
[13:42] Sa
    Don't worry! I won't go anywhere!
[13:44] Sa
    I'll always be here for you!
[13:46] Gin
    I-I'm saved...
[13:47] Gin
    I don't understand what happened,
[13:49] ---
    but apparently I made the doll grab her hand.
[13:51] Otae
    Um, Gin-san?
[13:55] Otae
    That's my juice...
[13:57] Gin
    Huh?
[13:58] Gin
    I also made Unit 01 grab something?
[14:01] Gin
    Er, don't tell me...
[14:03] Tsu
    H-Hey, what do you think you're
    doing in this public place?
[14:06] Gin
    Hey! Unit 04 is grabbing something!
[14:09] Gin
    What is he grabbing?!
[14:11] Gin
    He was grabbing someone's thing!
[14:13] Gin
    Wait, Unit 04!
[14:15] Gin
    That's the wrong side!
[14:16] Gin
    Don't pull that out!
[14:18] Gin
    I've figured it out!
[14:19] Gin
    Their movements are linked!
[14:21] Gin
    These clones are so hard to use!
[14:25] Tsuku
    Honestly, young people
    these days are hopeless.
[14:28] Gin
    Fortunately, the darkness
    is giving me cover,
[14:31] Gin
    but Tsukuyo is going to
    notice sooner or later!
[14:33] Sa
    Here you go, Darling. Ah!
[14:36] Sa
    Eat this. Ah!
[14:38] Gin
    I don't have time to deal with you!
[14:40] Gin
    The guy next to Unit 04 is...
[14:42] Gin
    Damn it!
[14:42] Gin
    How do I open my mouth?!
[14:44] Gin
    Which string is it?! This one?!
[14:46] Otae
    What brought that on?
[14:48] Otae
    Are you nervous?
[14:52] Otae
    It's so strange.
[14:53] Otae
    We didn't used to have any issues
    when we were alone together.
[14:56] Otae
    Now I get so nervous whenever I'm with you.
[15:00] Otae
    Gin-san, are you also...
[15:03] Otae
    Gin-san?
[15:04] Otae
    W-Wait a second!
[15:06] Otae
    W-We can't do that here!
[15:08] Otae
    G-Gin-san!
[15:10] Gin
    At the worst possible time!
[15:13] Gin
    I-It's okay!
[15:15] Gin
    It might look like a kiss!
[15:17] Gin
    A very wild kind of kiss!
[15:19] Gin
    The hell did you open your mouth for?!
[15:22] Sa
    Here you are.
[15:23] Sa
    Next, you should feed me.
[15:26] Sa
    Ah!
[15:27] Gin
    Shut the hell up!
[15:28] Gin
    Don't make any more trouble for me!
[15:30] Sa
    Hurry, Darling!
[15:32] Gin
    Damn, I have to feed her?
[15:33] Gin
    How?
[15:36] Gin
    What did you feed him?!
[15:38] Otae
    Don't get too friendly now!
[15:40] Gin
    That one's about to be eaten alive.
[15:43] Gin
    That girl is more like
    Unit 01 than my Unit 01!
[15:46] Gin
    Damn, that means Unit 03 and Unit
    01 will both be out of action.
[15:49] Gin
    If I lose any more dolls, I
    won't be able to cover my ass!
[15:51] Gin
    Go back, Unit 04!
[15:53] Gin
    Go back to your seat!
[15:54] Tsu
    Could you stop this?
[15:56] Tsu
    Can't you do that somewhere else?
[15:59] Tsu
    Well, Gintoki?
[16:01] Gin
    Damn, she's going to find out!
    Go back to your seat!
[16:04] Gin
    Whew, barely made it...
[16:06] Sa
    Ah! Someone help!
[16:09] C
    What?! What happened?!
[16:11] Sa
    My darling jumped into the vent!
[16:14] Gin
    What?!
[16:15] Gin
    Unit 02 also took a dive?!
[16:17] C
    Oh, no! He's leaking gas from his ass!
[16:20] Sa
    Hold on, Darling!
[16:22] Sa
    I'll give you mouth-to-crotch!
[16:23] Gin
    Unit 02 is down!
[16:25] Gin
    Only Unit 04 is left!
[16:27] A
    Now it's your turn to take
    that business somewhere else.
[16:31] A
    Like Yoshiwara?
[16:35] A
    Hey, what's that?
[16:37] B
    What constellation is that?
[16:39] Gin
    Th-They've been wiped out!
[16:41] Gin
    There was no chance that they
    could handle those women!
[16:44] Gin
    I'm going to end up like these dolls!
[16:47] Gin
    Run!
[16:48] Gin
    Run somewhere far away from
    this place and everyone here!
[16:51] Gin
    That's the only way I can survive!
[16:59] Otose
    Huh? Where are you going, Gintoki?
[17:15] Zenzo
    Hey, I've been looking for you.
[17:17] Gin
    That was a long dump.
[17:19] Zen
    Yeah, I ran out of Preparation H.
[17:24] Zen
    Is it all over?
[17:28] Zen
    I see. Well, you should be
    glad you're still alive.
[17:34] Zenzo
    Drink.
[17:35] Zenzo
    Drink and forget all the bad stuff.
[17:37] Gin
    I won't be able to forget this.
[17:42] Zenzo
    It must have been really bad.
[17:44] Gin
    They were going to tear my
    six-timing balls into six balls
[17:48] Gin
    and scatter them around the world
    so I would have to look for them.
[17:51] Gin
    So first, they strung me up here.
[17:53] Gin
    Then they went back for tools.
[17:56] Gin
    But they haven't come back.
[18:00] Zenzo
    Well, I'm guessing that they don't
    want to see your face again.
[18:04] Zenzo
    Still, I can't believe you
    survived for two weeks out here.
[18:08] Gin
    On the morning of the third day,
[18:09] ---
    there was an unidentified
    substance hidden near me.
[18:13] Gin
    On the fourth day, there was a hot pot.
[18:15] Gin
    On the fifth day, it was curry.
[18:17] Gin
    On the sixth and seventh days,
[18:19] ---
    there were familiar items lying around.
[18:21] Gin
    I could drink an ocean and
    not forget that taste.
[18:26] Gin
    I can't let myself forget.
[18:30] Gin
    I was so worried about myself,
[18:33] Gin
    that I never thought about them.
[18:37] Gin
    But they still show kindness
    to the man who tricked them.
[18:41] Gin
    What can I do for them?
[18:44] Zenzo
    There's nothing left.
[18:46] Zenzo
    You quit drinking, right?
[18:48] Gin
    If that's what it takes, I'll
    never drink another drop.
[18:52] Gin
    But that won't be enough...
[18:54] Zenzo
    It will.
[18:56] Zenzo
    Look at the bowl.
SIGN    You've been punked!!
[19:05] Zenzo
    You just promised to quit drinking, right?
[19:09] Zenzo
    You just promised to quit drinking, right?
[19:15] Shin
    Stop! You're killing me!
[19:17] Shin
    Turn off the TV! No more!
[19:18] Shin
    That face is priceless!
[19:19] Otose
    Man, I can't believe you tricked him
    into promising to quit drinking!
[19:23] Kyu
    But we may have gone too far.
[19:26] Kyu
    It's good that he quit drinking,
[19:29] Kyu
    but he actually thought
    that we slept together?
[19:32] Otose
    He wasn't entirely innocent.
[19:34] Otose
    Did you forget what
    happened during the party?
[19:36] Otose
    He kept pestering us to drink more,
[19:41] Otose
    and we had to pay for the repairs
    when he wrecked the bar.
[19:46] Tsu
    Yes, there is good drink and bad drink.
[19:50] Tsu
    He would be a bad drinker.
[19:52] Sa
    You're in no position to talk!
[19:54] Sa
    And you helped him wreck the bar!
[19:57] Sa
    Well, normally, I would
    refuse to trick Gin-san,
[20:01] Sa
    but since I got to live
    with him, I'm okay with it.
SIGN    Sugar Content
[20:04] Sa
    Since I helped, make me a copy
[20:06] ---
    of the part where Gin-san
    and I are living together.
[20:09] Tojo
    Then make me a copy of the part
[20:10] ---
    where the lady is wearing
    nothing but an apron.
[20:12] Kyu
    That never happened.
[20:14] Otose
    I can't do that.
[20:15] Otose
    We have to hold onto this
    tape and show it to him
[20:18] ---
    whenever he feels like drinking.
[20:20] Zen
    Hey, Gran.
[20:21] Zen
    I'm the one who taped the whole thing.
[20:23] Zen
    You should give me something for my trouble.
[20:24] Zen
    Right.
[20:25] Zen
    Let me see that look on his face again.
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
    Snack Otose
[20:28] Shin
    What? Haven't you had enough?
[20:30] Shin
    How many times have we watched this?
[20:31] Shin
    I'm getting tired of...
[20:41] A
    Yo, Gin-san.
[20:42] A
    Want a drink?
[20:46] B
    Odd Jobs, we have a new cutie.
[20:49] B
    Stop by for a drink.
[20:52] B
    What's wrong, big guy?
[20:54] B
    Did you quit drinking?
[20:56] B
    There must be a storm coming!
[21:00] Madao
    Hey, there.
[21:02] Madao
    How about a drink to help you
    forget all the bad stuff?
[21:05] Gin
    I have nothing I want to forget.
[21:08] Gin
    I won't forget your faces
    until I've gotten my revenge.
[21:15] Gin
    Why are you the only one here?
[21:19] Madao
    Because I want to forget.
[21:22] Gin
    You're the ones who bent me over
    and forced me to quit drinking.
[21:27] Madao
    Gin-san.
[21:28] Madao
    I never did that.
[21:32] Madao
    You're the one
[21:35] Madao
    who bent me over.
[21:53] Gin
    Pops!
[21:54] Gin
    Give me the strongest liquor you got!
SIGN    Next Episode
SIGN    We Are All Male Escorts, In Capital Letters
[23:30] Gin
    Next time:
SIGN    Next Episode
[23:32] Both
    Yay!
SIGN    We Are All Male Escorts, In Capital Letters
[23:33] Gin
    In capital letters, okay?
SIGN    Next Episode
[23:35] Both
    Yes!
SIGN    We Are All Male Escorts, In Capital Letters
[23:36] Gin
    Attention, all humans!
SIGN    Next Episode
[23:38] Both
    Thank you very much!
SIGN    Next Episode
[23:39] Gin
    Male escorts!
SIGN    Next Episode
SIGN    Next Episode
[23:40] All
    Just do it!
SIGN    We Are All Male Escorts, In Capital Letters
SIGN    In order to save Kyoshiro, the Odd Jobs  members become male escorts again!!
SIGN    So the Gintama anime will be back  again next year. Just do it!! (Echo)

E241 - We are all hosts, in capital letters
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:30] Shin
    What? You're going to quit being a host?
[01:33] Kyo
    Yes, I'm going to quit and 
    open a plastic model shop.
[01:37] Kyo
    I already have the perfect name.
[01:40] Kyo
    Plastic Kyoshiro.
[01:42] Shin
    Uh, what are you talking about, Kyoshiro-san?
[01:43] Shin
    That wasn't funny. Who's going
    to recognize that reference?
[01:47] Kagura
    Yeah, you should open a Mini 4WD
    store called Dash Kyoshiro instead.
[01:52] Shin
    Nobody's going to recognize that one either!
[01:53] Kagura
    What's wrong anyway?
[01:55] Kagura
    You're the number one host
    in the Kabuki district.
[01:57] Kagura
    Is the silicon in your
    nose starting to crumble?
[01:59] Kyo
    I feel like I've hit a wall,
[02:02] Kyo
    so I wanted to invite the members of
[02:05] ---
    Odd Jobs to be my final customers.
[02:07] Gin
    Hold on. Has all the plastic
    surgery damaged your brain?
[02:12] Gin
    If the head is too light, the
    car will rise on sharp turns
[02:15] Gin
    and you'll fly off the track,
    so you'll need side rollers...
[02:18] Shin
    Stop talking about Mini 4WDs!
[02:21] Shin
    Hachiro-san, what happened?
[02:25] Hachi
    Do you know Madame Yagami?
[02:28] Kyo
    Hachiro!
[02:29] Hachi
    She's said to be an Edo-born socialite,
    and something of an enigma.
[02:33] Hachi
    A tip of her glass and the balance
    of power in this town crumbles.
[02:38] Hachi
    Whoever controls her
    controls the night streets.
[02:45] Hachi
    She descends like a goddess
    of fortune in the dark
[02:48] Hachi
    and leaves wealth and riches in her wake.
[02:51] Hachi
    But she never visits the same town again.
[02:55] Hachi
    A goddess of the night.
[02:58] Hachi
    And a few nights ago,
[03:01] Hachi
    the Madame visited Takamagahara.
[03:06] Shin
    What? Isn't that great?
[03:09] Gin
    Like when a pro Mini 4WD racer
    shows up at a local tournament?
[03:13] Shin
    That's kind of hard to relate to.
[03:15] Hachi
    However, the Madame had a message
[03:17] ---
    for us when she left.
[03:21] Madam
    I'll be back next week at the same time.
[03:28] Shin
    Huh? Th-That's terrific!
[03:31] Shin
    You secured a promise from someone who
[03:33] ---
    never visits the same place twice!
[03:35] Hachi
    No, this is not a good thing.
[03:37] Shin
    Huh?
[03:38] Hachi
    The Madame is aware that she
[03:40] ---
    has the power to completely reshape a town.
[03:43] Hachi
    Which is why she shuns every club,
[03:46] ---
    even the ones she takes a liking to.
[03:49] Hachi
    When the Madame says that
    she will be returning,
[03:53] Hachi
    she intends to ruin us.
[03:57] Hachi
    Tomorrow, she will no longer
    be a goddess of fortune,
[03:59] Hachi
    but a goddess of death.
[04:05] Shin
    Wh-Why?!
[04:07] Shin
    Did something happen to upset her?
[04:09] Hachi
    We're talking about the most
    powerful socialite under the sun.
[04:12] Hachi
    I would assume that she didn't like
    some aspect of the experience.
[04:15] Shin
    So you don't actually want to quit.
[04:18] Shin
    You just think that this
    place will be shut down.
[04:20] Gin
    Speaking of which, I don't
    see any other hosts around.
[04:23] Hachi
    Yes, they're all too scared to work.
[04:28] Kyo
    I'm very sorry.
[04:30] Kyo
    Our failure will ruin the entire town.
[04:34] Kyo
    But while I've given up on the club,
[04:37] ---
    I won't let her ruin this town.
[04:40] Kyo
    I swear on my pride as a host.
[04:42] Hachi
    But how are we supposed to entertain the
[04:45] ---
    Madame when everyone's gone?
[04:46] Kyo
    Nevertheless, we must do
[04:48] ---
    what we can to curry the Madame's favor.
[04:51] Gin
    How many?
[04:52] Both
    Huh?
[04:53] Gin
    How many dashing, young men do you require?
[04:58] Gin
    And...
[05:00] Gin
    Are you positive that she's rich, boss?
SIGN    We Are All Hosts, In Capital Letters
[05:14] Gin
    Listen up!
[05:15] Gin
    We're going to scout the Kabuki district for
[05:17] ---
    Hunks of the Zodiac to take on the Madame!
[05:21] Gin
    Everyone ready?
[05:22] Gin
    Just do it!
[05:24] Both
    Sparkling!
[05:25] Shin
    Okay!
[05:26] Shin
    My life is yours.
[05:30] Kagura
    Consider it done.
[05:34] Gin
    Ignore anyone below a Bronze Saint.
[05:38] Gin
    Ideally, we want Silver Saints.
[05:40] Kagura
    Excuse me! I have no idea
    what that means! Whoo-hoo!
[05:43] Gin
    In other words, we don't want
    anyone uglier than Isao Hashizume,
[05:47] Gin
    and anyone more handsome than
    Makoto Fujita is too handsome,
[05:51] Gin
    so reject them too!
[05:52] Shin
    You just eliminated the
    majority of the human race!
[05:54] Shin
    What's the difference
    between bronze and silver?!
[05:58] Gin
    In other words,
[05:59] Gin
    make sure you don't bring any Gold Saints
[06:03] Gin
    like Masaharu Fukuyama or Shun Oguri.
[06:05] Gin
    They'll make us look bad
    and scare the customers.
[06:10] Shin
    So you want us to bring ugly people?!
[06:13] Gin
    Just go!
[06:14] Kyo
    Uh... Excuse me, Odd Jobs.
[06:17] Kyo
    I appreciate the help, but
    this isn't such an easy job.
[06:22] Kyo
    Looks are only a starting point.
[06:24] Kyo
    Hosts must have personalities
    that draw people to them.
[06:28] Gin
    So you're saying that I'm
    all looks and no substance?
[06:33] Gin
    Just a pretty face?
[06:34] Kyo
    Uh, I never said that.
[06:36] Kyo
    And I never said that you
    were particularly handsome.
[06:39] Gin
    In other words, it's what's
    inside that counts.
[06:47] Kyo
    E-Er, I guess...
[06:48] Gin
    And that's what we're focused on.
[06:51] Madao
    Gin-san, I heard you had a job for me.
[06:54] Kyo
    Huh?
[06:55] Kyo
    This is worse than I expected!
[06:57] Kyo
    And is he wearing paper?!
[06:59] Kyo
    Hold on a second.
SIGN    I want to meet Jang Geun-suk.
[07:01] Kyo
    Wouldn't he considered a Cardboard Saint?
[07:03] Madao
    This isn't cardboard.
[07:05] Madao
    Look, I also used newspaper
    and colorful t-shirts.
[07:10] Madao
    It's kind of like a suit.
[07:12] Kyo
    No, it's not.
[07:13] Kyo
    And your necklace is somebody's
    Tanabata wish card.
[07:17] Madao
    Sorry, boss.
[07:19] Madao
    I was aiming for a hosty, flashy look.
[07:23] Kyo
    Uh, do you understand what
    it means to be a host?
[07:26] Gin
    He may not look like much on the outside,
[07:28] Gin
    but he's a hard worker on the inside.
[07:30] Gin
    Like a J Leaguer.
[07:32] Gin
    Welcome aboard!
[07:35] Gin
    Look, he's even sporting
    a sponsor on his back.
SIGN    Aomori Apples
[07:39] Gin
    And he's got bling around his neck.
[07:41] Gin
    And we're planning a
    shotgun wedding with Rosa!
[07:44] Kyo
    U-Uh, Odd Jobs?
[07:47] Kyo
    We work in the service industry,
    so I need someone more...
[07:51] Gin
    Don't worry. I've got it covered.
[07:55] Gin
    I happen to know this handsome fellow
    who works in the service industry.
[07:59] Gin
    And I'm not talking about
    one of those metrosexuals
[08:00] Gin
    that are all the rage these days.
[08:02] Gin
    This one's a real macho...
[08:04] Otae
    Did you just call me macho?!
[08:07] Shin
    Sis!
[08:09] Otae
    Shin-chan, explain yourself.
[08:13] Otae
    I came because you told me
[08:14] ---
    that Hideyoshi's lost
    treasure had been found!
[08:17] Shin
    Y-You've got it wrong, Sis!
[08:18] Shin
    I was saying that we could obtain wealth
[08:21] ---
    that would rival Hideyoshi's lost treasure,
[08:23] Shin
    so just bear with us.
[08:24] Otae
    Shut your mouth!
[08:26] Otae
    Why should I dress up like a
    man and work at a host club?!
[08:29] Kagura
    See, she's so manly.
[08:31] Gin
    Listen to me, Otae!
[08:32] Gin
    There isn't much difference between
    a hostess club and a host club!
[08:34] Gin
    The only difference is the gender!
[08:36] Gin
    Which means you're already a host...
[08:39] Kyo
    P-Please calm yourself, Otae-san.
[08:41] Kyo
    You have it all wrong.
[08:43] Kyo
    I thought that the top hostess
    in the Kabuki district...
[08:46] Otae
    Huh?
[08:47] Kyo
    ...would be able to introduce
    us to some handsome men.
[08:51] Kyo
    Since you must be very popular with the guys.
[08:54] Otae
    Huh? O-Oh...
[08:56] Otae
    Please, Kyoshiro-san!
[09:01] Madao
    Boss!
[09:03] Otae
    Handsome men?
[09:05] Otae
    I suppose that I know a few.
[09:09] Otae
    Who should I choose?
[09:10] Otae
    This is so difficult!
[09:12] Kondo
    Oh, Otae-san. Did you need me for something?
[09:14] Shin
    And here comes someone who was
    never invited to the party!
[09:17] Shin
    Why is he acting like we
    begged him to come here?!
[09:19] ---
    I want to punch him in the face!
[09:21] Kondo
    I understand, Otae-san.
[09:24] Kondo
    You didn't want to ask me to be a host
[09:26] Kondo
    because you didn't want to risk losing me
[09:28] ---
    to some other girl, right?
[09:30] Kondo
    I saw it all transpire.
[09:32] Shin
    Nothing like that ever happened!
[09:34] Shin
    How long have you been
    watching us, you stalker?!
[09:37] Kondo
    Don't worry. Nobody can steal my heart.
[09:41] Kondo
    Isao will forever be your personal hostalker.
SIGN    Host + Stalker = Hostalker
[09:45] Shin
    Nobody would want you as a personal host.
[09:48] Gin
    Hostcar?
[09:49] Gin
    Hey, guys.
[09:50] Gin
    This guy wants a host's car.
[09:53] Gin
    We can have him carry our stuff.
[09:55] Kondo
    Wait! That's not what I said!
[09:56] Kagura
    We've got enough people now.
[09:58] Kagura
    Let's head back, boys!
[10:02] Kyo
    U-Uh, excuse me.
[10:05] Kyo
    I would like everyone to
    take an aptitude test.
[10:09] Gin
    Aptitude test?
[10:10] Kyo
    Yes, since a host's job
    is to chat with girls.
[10:16] Kyo
    I would like all of you to talk to
    girls and bring them to the club.
[10:23] Kyo
    You can pretend that you're
    trying to pick up the girls.
[10:27] Kyo
    At first glance, hosts may
    appear to operate solo,
[10:31] Kyo
    but that's only when customers
    request you by name.
[10:36] Kyo
    Temporary help typically
    plays a supporting role.
[10:40] Kyo
    In other words, teamwork is critical.
[10:43] Kyo
    Show me that you can cover
    for each other's mistakes
[10:47] ---
    and accomplish your job.
[10:50] Kyo
    Is that their target?
[10:53] Madao
    Oh, excuse me.
[10:55] Kyo
    He bumped into her to
    create an excuse to talk.
[10:57] Girl
    Oh, no. I wasn't paying attention.
[10:59] Madao
    Uh, excuse me...
[11:02] Madao
    I believe this dropped from your back.
[11:05] Madao
    Feather.
[11:06] Kyo
    Uh, you're the one who
    just dropped everything!
SIGN    I want to meet Jang Geun-suk.
[11:09] Kyo
    The suit fell apart when he bumped into her!
[11:11] Kyo
    Somebody help him!
[11:13] Kagura
    Oh, sorry.
[11:14] Kagura
    That belongs to me.
[11:16] Kyo
    How is that supposed to help?!
[11:18] ---
    And that feather was yours?!
[11:20] Madao
    Uh, she looks more like an angel to me.
[11:24] Kagura
    No, I'm the angel.
[11:25] Madao
    Well, can you prove it?
[11:27] Kyo
    Don't you people have more important
    things to be talking about?!
[11:30] Shin
    Hey! What are you people doing?!
[11:32] Kyo
    Crap! It's the police!
[11:34] Kyo
    They can't pick up girls now!
[11:35] Shin
    Why not use rock, paper, scissors
[11:36] Shin
    to decide?
[11:38] Kyo
    You're joining in?!
[11:40] Kyo
    Why do you people keep striking funny poses?!
[11:43] Kagura
    Okay. We'll use rock, paper, scissors
    to determine who the feather belongs to.
[11:46] Girl
    Um, I'm not an angel.
[11:49] Shin
    Just do as we say.
[11:50] Girl
    Um, I'm in a hurry.
[11:52] Kyo
    Hey! You're scaring her off!
[11:55] Madao
    Well, you should just give it a try.
[11:57] Girl
    As I've been saying...
[11:59] Otae
    I'm not an angel!
[12:02] Kyo
    You too!
[12:04] Kyo
    What was the point of this entire exchange?!
[12:04] All
    We're sorry!
[12:06] Kyo
    It was nothing more than a sham!
[12:11] Gin
    What is with those people?
[12:14] Gin
    There must be something wrong with them.
[12:16] Girl
    You're absolutely right.
[12:17] Girl
    Oh, I'm sorry.
[12:19] Gin
    No, don't be.
[12:21] Gin
    I'm the one who approached you.
[12:24] Kyo
    C-Could it be?!
[12:25] Kyo
    This is the main event?!
[12:27] Girl
    Th-Then I'll be going now!
[12:30] Gin
    Ah, please wait.
[12:32] Girl
    Huh?
[12:33] Kyo
    So the entire sequence was
    one giant accident designed
[12:38] Kyo
    to create an opening in her heart?!
[12:41] Gin
    You dropped this. It's not a feather.
[12:45] Girl
    Huh? This is...
[12:47] Gin
    I-I'm sorry.
[12:48] ---
    But I would love to
[12:54] Gin
    talk with you again.
[12:58] Gin
    Well, if you happen to have some time,
[13:01] ---
    feel free to drop by.
[13:04] Gin
    As luck would have it,
[13:05] ---
    I'm always available since
    no one ever asks for me.
[13:07] Kyo
    And he used a subtle invitation
    instead of a direct one
[13:11] Kyo
    to soften the bad rep that
    comes with being a host!
[13:13] Girl
    S-So you're a host.
[13:16] Gin
    No, I might be the devil.
[13:19] Kyo
    And then he shows his wild side?!
[13:23] Girl
    U-Um, I-I might visit your club then,
[13:29] Girl
    just to see what it's like, I guess...
[13:32] Gin
    I invite you to Takamagahara,
    a refuge for angels.
[13:37] Kyo
    He landed her?!
[13:39] Kyo
    They were able to recover
    from that horrible beginning!
[13:42] Kyo
    No, this was all part of their plan!
[13:46] Kyo
    Maybe... Just maybe they can pull it off!
[13:50] Gin
    The club is nearby, so allow
    me to escort you there.
[13:53] Gin
    It wouldn't do to let an
    angel get her feet dirty.
[13:55] Girl
    You're too kind...
[13:57] Kyo
    They may be able to put up a
    fight against the Madame!
[14:01] Gin
    Now.
[14:01] Kondo
    Vroom!
[14:03] Gin
    Please get on.
[14:07] Gin
    What's wrong? You've never
    seen a hostcar before?
[14:10] Kondo
    Vroom!
[14:11] Gin
    It's a comfortable ride.
[14:14] Gin
    Down, boy.
[14:15] Gin
    Hey, stop it.
[14:16] Gin
    Hold up now.
[14:17] Gin
    You're going the wrong way!
SIGN    Dream Castle
[14:21] Gin
    Come on now.
[14:22] Gin
    This is a completely
    different kind of refuge.
[14:25] Gin
    Seriously.
[14:27] Gin
    Oh, well.
[14:28] Gin
    Let's go inside for a bit...
SIGN    Shinsengumi
[14:32] Girl
    Help! Police!
[14:34] Girl
    That host is very weird!
[14:39] Toshi
    What's wrong with you?
[14:41] Gin
    What's wrong with you?
[14:43] Kondo
    Yeah!
[14:44] Both
    We're just your average weird hosts!
[14:57] Kyo
    Uh, I asked you guys to bring customers.
[15:03] Kyo
    Why did you get yourself arrested?
[15:06] Gin
    Boss.
[15:07] Gin
    We would have landed two or three girls
[15:10] ---
    if it wasn't for these rotten cops.
[15:13] Gin
    Ain't that right, ISAO?
[15:15] Kondo
    GIN is absolutely right.
[15:17] Kondo
    Cops are getting so anal these days.
[15:22] Kondo
    It's getting hard to live in this town.
[15:24] Toshi
    You're in charge of those cops!
[15:26] Kondo
    That's ancient history.
[15:28] Kondo
    I've abandoned my position
    and prestige for Otae-san
[15:32] Kondo
    to start over from the bottom
    of society as a hostalker!
[15:38] Okita
    Kondo-san, I think you'll be
    starting from the Jomon period.
[15:43] Toshi
    We're leaving.
[15:45] Toshi
    If you want a job as a car,
    you can be a patrol car
[15:47] ---
    that helps keep the streets safe.
[15:48] Kondo
    Hosts also keep the streets safe!
[15:51] Kondo
    If we don't do anything, that
    Madame will ruin this town!
[15:55] Okita
    What are you babbling about?
[15:58] Kondo
    GIN! Help me out here!
[16:00] Kondo
    This club will be in trouble without its ace!
[16:02] Kondo
    Whitebeard and Luffy won't stand for this!
[16:05] Gin
    Just feed him one banana a day.
[16:08] Gin
    If he still runs slow, have
    him hold his own banana.
[16:11] Kondo
    No!
[16:12] Kondo
    I'll be turned into a circus show gorilla!
[16:14] Toshi
    Stop struggling and come with us!
[16:16] Kondo
    Boss!
[16:18] Kyo
    Uh, could you wait a moment?
[16:20] Kondo
    Boss!
[16:22] Kyo
    No, I wasn't talking to the gorilla.
[16:24] Kyo
    This could very well be...
[16:28] Kyo
    This could very well be it!
SIGN    Takamagahara
[16:32] A
    What? Really?
[16:34] B
    You bet!
[16:36] Otae
    Ladies, do you have any plans tonight?
[16:40] Otae
    If not, why not drop by Takamagahara,
[16:43] ---
    the refuge for angels, to rest your wings?
[16:47] A
    Huh? Takamagahara's open again?
[16:51] B
    I heard that they were closed
    because a bunch of hosts quit.
[16:55] C
    Yeah.
[16:56] Otae
    The club has reopened with many new hosts.
[17:00] A
    Really?
[17:01] B
    But the new hosts are probably ugly.
[17:04] C
    I bet.
[17:06] Otae
    Absolutely not.
[17:07] Otae
    The hosts here are all handsome men
[17:10] Otae
    selected from all over Edo.
[17:12] Otae
    I promise that they will make
    this a very magical night.
[17:19] Okita
    Welcome.
[17:20] Toshi
    To New Takamagahara.
[17:22] Okita
    You won't be getting any sleep
    tonight, my little pussy cats.
[17:26] Toshi
    We're gonna have a HOT and COOL party here.
[17:30] Toshi
    Here we go!
[17:32] Toshi
    Let's party!
[17:34] All
    Okay!
[17:36] Toshi
    Hell no!
[17:38] Toshi
    Why are we partying?!
[17:42] Toshi
    When did Kondo-san turn
    into Harley Gorillason?!
[17:45] Kyo
    You definitely fit the part.
[17:48] Kyo
    My eyes haven't failed me.
[17:50] Kyo
    Please.
[17:52] Kyo
    I need your help to protect
    this town from the Madame.
[17:56] Toshi
    Screw that.
[17:58] Toshi
    Samurai do not fool around.
[18:01] Kondo
    The Shinsengumi are obligated
    to protect this town,
[18:04] Kondo
    so this is our duty!
[18:05] Toshi
    I don't think it's our duty
    to wear handles on our heads.
[18:09] Kondo
    This is an order from your chief.
[18:11] Kondo
    We're partying all night!
[18:13] Toshi
    There's a party in your
    head every single day!
[18:17] Okita
    Now, now. Calm down.
[18:19] Okita
    Get yourself a drink,
[18:20] Okita
    TOSHI.
[18:21] Toshi
    Don't call me TOSHI!
[18:23] Toshi
    And why are you already
    entertaining customers?!
[18:25] Okita
    I'm not sure what this is about,
[18:27] ---
    but I've figured out how this works.
[18:29] Okita
    I just have to trick dumb
    bitches into giving me money
[18:32] ---
    while I eat and drink for free.
[18:34] A
    Aw, SOUGO is so mean!
[18:39] Okita
    Sorry. I wasn't talking about you.
[18:42] Okita
    Because you alone are special.
[18:46] Both
    Excuse me! Another bottle of Dom Perignon!
[18:49] Toshi
    He's a natural!
[18:50] Toshi
    This job was made for him!
[18:51] Toshi
    He's shining in all his evil glory!
[18:54] Kyo
    Well, in any case,
[18:56] Kyo
    I'll be serving the Madame.
[18:58] Kyo
    The two of them will be my help.
[19:01] Kyo
    The rest of you will be help for the help.
[19:04] Shin
    Why would you need help for the help?!
[19:06] Shin
    Even the Beatles didn't use that much help!
[19:08] Gin
    Screw that!
[19:10] Gin
    I'm not going to be reduced to help for them!
[19:12] Gin
    He basically looks like
    Shinpachi without the glasses!
[19:15] Kagura
    Yeah!
[19:16] Kagura
    Yeah, if Gin-chan dyed his hair
    black, they would look the same!
[19:19] Both
    My face isn't that dumb!
[19:22] Shin
    What?!
[19:23] Gin
    You're getting a cocky
    because you rose two places
[19:26] ---
    in the third character poll.
[19:28] Gin
    I might not be so popular in 2D,
[19:30] Gin
    but in 3D, everyone wants me!
[19:33] Shin
    Could you stop fighting?!
[19:35] Shin
    And what does 3D have to do with anything?!
[19:37] Gin
    I don't need any lip from the
[19:38] ---
    person who's miraculously placed
    8th three times in a row!
[19:40] Toshi
    Fool. You're lucky the
    author sucks at drawing.
[19:45] Toshi
    In 3D, you would look like Yo Oizumi.
[19:48] ---
    A hairball!
[19:50] Shin
    Calm down, Hijikata-san!
[19:52] Shin
    What's so bad about Yo Oizumi?!
[19:54] Toshi
    Shut up, Hat Trick!
[19:55] Gin
    What?! In 3D, you would look
    like Daisuke Sakaguchi!
[20:00] Shin
    That's me!
[20:01] Toshi
    That's bullshit! Even his
    glasses look like the number 8!
[20:05] Shin
    All glasses look like the number 8!
[20:07] Shin
    Cut this out now!
[20:09] Shin
    Eight is for my name, my
    glasses, my 8th place...
[20:12] Otae
    Please. Stop fighting.
[20:15] Otae
    Everyone should get along.
[20:17] Otae
    Teamwork is important for hosts.
[20:20] Kyo
    You're absolutely right.
[20:22] Kyo
    We need to work together
    to satisfy the Madame.
[20:25] Kyo
    If you follow my instructions, we'll be fine.
[20:28] Kyo
    I normally don't need help,
[20:30] ---
    so I'll try to do as much as I can myself.
[20:33] Kyo
    Otae-san, we'll send the
    customers home at 9 PM.
[20:36] Kyo
    I want every person on
    standby for the Madame.
[20:39] Otae
    Er, you don't want any
    other customers around?
[20:42] Kyo
    Yes, is there a problem?
[20:44] Otae
    Sorry, I thought you wanted some excitement,
[20:48] Otae
    so I invited a lot of people.
[20:52] All
    Ooh! It's been so long, Kyoshiro-sama!
[20:59] Saigo
    Thank you for the invitation.
[21:02] Saigo
    You must have really missed us.
[21:05] Agomi
    Kyoshiro-sama is so happy that
    he's foaming at the mouth!
[21:08] Agomi
    I love it!
[21:09] A
    Fabulous!
[21:11] Shin
    It's the Saigo trannies!
[21:13] Saigo
    Hey, Otae.
[21:15] Saigo
    Is it true that you're footing the bill?
[21:18] Otae
    Yes, we're going all out
    to celebrate the reopening.
[21:22] Shin
    Uh, nobody gave you
    permission to do that, Sis!
[21:24] Saigo
    Okay! We'll be drinking 'til
    morning, Kyoshiro-sama!
[21:29] Shin
    Wait! Kyoshiro-san!
[21:29] Otae
    Enjoy yourselves.
[21:31] Kyo
    H-Help...
[21:35] Madao
    The Madame isn't even here and
    he's already asking for help.
[21:39] Kagura
    No, he's literally asking for help,
[21:41] Kagura
    as in "oh my god help me
    please," so we can ignore him.
[21:44] Shin
    We can't ignore him!
[21:46] Shin
    And the Madame is about to come!
[21:50] Shin
    We haven't even started,
[21:52] Shin
    and Kyoshiro-san has already been
    hunted down by the monsters!
[21:56] Kyo
    Help...
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Next Episode
    Girls Like Vegeta, Guys Like Piccolo
[23:30] Gin
    Next time:
[23:31] All
    Girls like Vegeta, guys like Piccolo!
SIGN    Uninvited guests keep showing  up!! Madame Yagami also arrives!!
SIGN    GIN and the other hosts must make do  without Kyoshiro. What will happen?!

E242 - Girls like Vegeta, guys like Piccolo
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:30] Madam
    I'll be back next week at the same time.
[01:35] Toshi
    Here we go!
[01:37] Toshi
    Let's party!
[01:39] All
    Okay!
[01:41] All
    Ooh! It's been so long, Kyoshiro-sama!
[01:45] Kyo
    H-Help...
[01:48] Shin
    And the Madame is about to come!
[01:51] Shin
    We haven't even started,
[01:53] Shin
    and Kyoshiro-san has already been
    hunted down by the monsters!
[01:56] Kyo
    Help!
SIGN    Girls Like Vegeta, Guys Like Piccolo
[02:02] Shin
    Kyoshiro-san has been hunted
    down by the monsters!
[02:05] Shin
    Why did this have to happen now?
[02:07] Kagura
    Don't worry.
[02:08] Kagura
    He's the number one host.
[02:10] Kagura
    He can handle that lot with
    one arm behind his back.
[02:13] Kagura
    Look. It's the "I'll be back" hand.
[02:15] Shin
    Uh, as far as we know, that hand
    is the only thing left of him!
[02:19] Shin
    We need to get him out of there
[02:20] ---
    and ask the monsters to go back to their den!
[02:23] Gin
    Damn. Unfortunately we're only the help for the help.
[02:26] Gin
    TOSHI, are you ready?
[02:28] Toshi
    Don't give me that crap!
[02:30] Toshi
    How are we supposed to "Let's
    party!" with those piranhas!
[02:33] Shin
    Then we'll have to save him together!
[02:36] Gin
    Screw that!
[02:37] Gin
    All the money in the world wouldn't
[02:38] ---
    be enough to get me to deal with them!
[02:40] Shin
    Son of a bitch!
[02:43] Tsu
    Wait, I just dropped by to visit.
[02:45] Tsu
    Where do you think you're going?
[02:47] Tsu
    GIN-sama?
[02:50] Tsu
    The night is still young!
[02:53] Tsu
    Bring me more booze, you stinkin' host!
[02:59] Shin
    Th-The monster of Yoshiwara is here!
[03:02] A
    B-Boss, you're drinking too much!
[03:05] Tsu
    Shut up! I said to relax today!
[03:08] Tsu
    Don't call me Boss. It's Tsu-ki.
[03:10] Otae
    Welcome.
[03:11] Tsu
    Yeah, you wanted a crowd, so I
    brought everyone I could find.
[03:16] Tsu
    We really get to drink all we want?
[03:18] Otae
    Yes, normally you have to serve men,
[03:21] Otae
    but this is like a Yoshiwara for women.
[03:23] Otae
    Time for some payback.
[03:24] Shin
    Again, nobody gave you
    permission to do this, Sis!
[03:25] Tsu
    Okay. Let's do this, girls.
[03:26] Shin
    And why is Tsukuyo-san already drunk?
[03:29] A
    I-I'm sorry. Boss...
[03:31] ---
    Tsu-ki has never been to a host club
[03:33] ---
    before so she's a little nervous.
[03:35] Tsu
    Hey, bring some girls!
[03:37] Tsu
    And music!
[03:38] Tsu
    Play "Beer Tears Man Woman!"
[03:40] Shin
    In what way is she nervous?!
[03:42] Shin
    She sounds like a regular customer!
[03:45] Gin
    G-Got it.
[03:46] Gin
    I'll go find you some girls...
[03:48] Toshi
    Hey! He's trying to run away again!
[03:57] Gin
    Oh, a girl.
[04:05] Shin
    Kyu-Kyubei-san's here too?!
[04:07] Otae
    Oh, Kyu-chan. You came.
[04:10] Kyu
    Sorry about being late.
[04:12] Kyu
    You said that I could only bring girls,
[04:17] Kyu
    so it took a while to get ready.
[04:18] Shin
    Why are the Yagyu retainers
    dressed like women?!
[04:21] Tojo
    Oh, gosh. If it isn't Tsu-ki?
[04:24] Tojo
    Just finish a long day in Yoshiwara?
[04:25] Tojo
    Same here.
[04:26] Shin
    And this guy's on his own level of wrong!
[04:29] Tsu
    Hey! I never asked for any ugly girls!
[04:33] Tojo
    What? That's so mean, Tsu-ki!
[04:34] Tojo
    We both work in the same line of business.
[04:37] Shin
    Uh, excuse me!
[04:38] Shin
    This isn't like Yoshiwara,
    so we don't provide girls...
[04:42] Tsu
    What? I heard that this
    is a Yoshiwara for women.
[04:45] Shin
    Well, that's not entirely accurate.
[04:46] Tsu
    What's that then?
SIGN    Master Roshi Bondage
[04:48] Okita
    The B Course is horse riding.
SIGN    Trojan Horse Riding
[04:50] Okita
    The C Course involves candles.
SIGN    Candle Wax Play
[04:52] Okita
    And the D Course involves neglect.
[04:54] Sa
    Which should I choose?
[04:58] Sa
    But I can't see.
[04:59] Sa
    And isn't GIN-sama here yet?!
[05:01] Sa
    I'm always after the G Course!
[05:03] Okita
    Ma'am, I'm going to pin
    your nose back with hooks
[05:06] Okita
    and stick photos of it all over town.
[05:08] Sa
    You know your stuff. What's your name?
[05:11] Both
    Sick and twisted!
[05:13] Sa
    Oh! That sounds like something
    GIN-sama would say!
[05:15] Sa
    I've been waiting for you!
[05:17] Toshi
    Hey, toss them out with the trash.
[05:19] Sa
    This is such an excellent bar!
[05:21] Sa
    I'm very impressed!
[05:22] A
    Hey! Where's my order?!
[05:24] B
    Hello? Over here!
[05:27] Shin
    We'll never be able to handle all
    of these customers, Hijikata-san!
[05:29] Shin
    More idiots keep showing up!
[05:31] Toshi
    Hey, this is looking bad!
[05:32] Toshi
    The place is practically full!
[05:34] Toshi
    We're in over our heads!
[05:36] Shin
    And now the trannies are starting a fight!
[05:38] Tojo
    Eh? Who's your doctor?
[05:40] Ago
    What? It's Takasu, fool.
[05:42] Tojo
    Bastard, my senpai gets his from Takasu, too!
[05:46] Shin
    They sound like a couple of addicts
    bragging about their source!
[05:48] Shin
    This is not good!
[05:49] Shin
    We need to stop them!
[05:50] Toshi
    What are you doing?!
[05:52] Toshi
    Help us clear out some customers!
[05:53] Kagura
    Shut up! That's what we're doing!
[05:57] Both
    Sorry about the wait!
[06:01] Both
    This is our special, Fish on Host!
[06:08] Shin
    They made it worse!
[06:10] Toshi
    Stop them! Do something!
[06:13] Shin
    Do what?!
[06:14] Shin
    I know! Kyoshiro-san!
[06:16] Shin
    Kyoshiro-san!
[06:19] Shin
    It's over!
[06:20] Shin
    Forget about the Madame!
[06:22] Toshi
    Damn it! What do we do...
[06:24] Saigo
    Quiet down!
[06:30] Saigo
    Don't you understand that you're
    making trouble for the bar?
[06:33] Saigo
    You're supposed to control
    yourself when you have fun.
[06:37] Tsu
    I've had enough.
[06:38] Kyu
    The party is over.
[06:40] Saigo
    I apologize for the trouble we caused.
[06:47] Shin
    They instantly put an end to the riot.
[06:49] Shin
    They're the real monsters.
[06:50] Toshi
    In any case, we're back to normal.
[06:54] Saigo
    Now that it's quiet, let's
    get back to drinking.
[06:58] All
    Cheers!
[07:01] Both
    You're staying?!
[07:04] Gin
    P-Perfect, this is my chance to escape.
[07:07] Madame
    Excuse me.
[07:10] Madame
    I have an appointment tonight.
[07:13] Madame
    My name is Yagami.
[07:29] Gin
    Yagami?
[07:30] Gin
    Could it be?
[07:32] Gin
    Could it be?
[07:34] Madame
    Could you go tell Kyoshiro-san that
[07:37] ---
    the Madame has come to see him?
[07:40] Gin
    The Madame is here!
[07:42] Gin
    A-At the worst possible time...
[07:45] Tsu
    Booze! More booze!
[07:45] Gin
    The monsters are still partying!
[07:48] Gin
    I need to run away before I get caught up
[07:49] ---
    in this disaster waiting to happen!
[07:51] Gin
    S-So sorry...
[07:54] Gin
    The boss is out right now.
[07:57] Gin
    I-I'll go get him!
[07:59] Toshi
    Don't worry, GIN.
[08:01] Toshi
    I already contacted the boss.
[08:03] Shin
    Please have something to
    drink while you're waiting.
[08:06] Shin
    Follow me.
[08:06] Gin
    Y-You bastards!
[08:08] Toshi
    You thought you could run away
    after dragging us into this mess?
[08:12] Shin
    All of us have to work together
    to entertain the Madame.
[08:16] Gin
    What? Don't be stupid!
[08:20] Gin
    Where's everybody else?
[08:22] Gin
    When is the boss coming back?
[08:24] Gin
    They're all out of action!
[08:26] Gin
    Do you have any idea what will happen if we
[08:28] ---
    let the Madame join those drunken masters?
[08:30] Gin
    It'd be like throwing a chair
    into a bunch of Jackie Chans!
[08:33] Gin
    She'll be used for acrobatic moves, abused,
[08:36] ---
    then smashed against an enemy's head!
[08:37] Shin
    I-It'll be okay!
[08:38] Shin
    Please follow me.
[08:39] Shin
    Kyoshiro-san will come back!
[08:41] Shin
    Until then, we'll have
    to entertain the Madame!
[08:45] Shin
    Y-Your table is right over there.
[08:52] Tsu
    Oh, GIN-sama. Where do you
    think you're going without us?
[08:57] Tsu
    I asked for you first!
[09:00] Tsu
    Get your ass over here and pour me booze!
[09:02] Sa
    Yeah!
[09:03] Sa
    We're customers today, so
    you should treat us better!
[09:06] Shin
    We were too easy to spot!
[09:07] Shin
    Like Jackie Chan's nose!
[09:09] Gin
    S-Sorry, baby.
[09:12] Gin
    I need to help this lady for a little bit.
[09:15] Gin
    GURA and TAE will take good care of you.
[09:19] Tsu
    What's that?! You're too
    good to drink with me?!
[09:22] Shin
    Now she's going Jackie Chan on us!
[09:23] Sa
    You got balls to steal our men!
[09:26] Shin
    Wait! Don't do anything to the Madame!
[09:28] Sa
    Did you come here by yourself to pick up men?
[09:31] Sa
    You're a real piece of work! Right, Tsu-ki?
[09:34] Shin
    You're no better!
[09:36] Tsu
    Wait, you got poop on your hair.
[09:38] Tsu
    Is everything okay?
[09:41] Shin
    Hey! Somebody stop these drunks!
[09:44] Kyu
    Would you two stop that?
[09:47] Kyu
    Excuse us.
[09:49] Kyu
    I'll pay for the cleaning,
[09:50] ---
    but for now, let's use this to wipe that off.
[09:53] Shin
    You're drunk, too?!
[09:54] Kyu
    Oh, it's bigger than I thought...
[09:57] Kyu
    The fancy toilet paper from the
    Yagyu household can't handle it.
[10:00] Shin
    Uh, you're wiping her face! Stop it!
[10:03] Otae
    Oh, Kyu-chan! You shouldn't do that!
[10:06] Otae
    Let the employees handle this.
[10:10] Otae
    If it won't come off, you wet the paper,
[10:13] Otae
    and scrub hard.
[10:14] Shin
    Hey!
[10:14] Shin
    Even our employees are piss drunk!
[10:17] Otae
    Oh, it won't come off.
[10:18] Kagura
    It wasn't wet enough.
[10:19] Kagura
    Give it to me, boss lady.
SIGN    Takamagahara
[10:29] Kagura
    I had too much Koronamin C.
[10:32] Otae
    That's why kids are only
    supposed to have one a day.
[10:35] Saigo
    I see that my friends inconvenienced you.
[10:37] Saigo
    It's on me, so drink away.
[10:43] Both
    After all that rude behavior,
[10:46] ---
    it's turned into a Jackie Chan carnival?!
[10:49] Toshi
    What are we going to do?!
[10:50] Toshi
    We won't be able to look after the Madame!
[10:53] Toshi
    She's already about to snap!
[10:55] Gin
    I can't blame her, considering
    the abuse she's had to endure!
[10:59] Shin
    If anything else goes wrong,
    we'll be in big trouble!
[11:04] Shin
    Anyway, let's try to
    improve the Madame's mood!
[11:07] Gin
    Uh, Yagami-san? What are you drinking there?
[11:11] Madame
    Oolong Highball.
[11:12] Gin
    Oh, that's good. I love those.
[11:15] Gin
    It doesn't leave much of an
    aftertaste. Right, TOSHI?
[11:19] Toshi
    Huh? Yeah, I'm pretty
    high on that Oolong pig.
[11:22] Toshi
    Hell, Yamcha's little buddy is my
    favorite character in Dragonball...
[11:30] Otae
    That's Puar!
[11:36] Gin
    Yeah. Right. That's Puar!
[11:39] Gin
    Oh, speaking of Dragonball, Yagami-san.
[11:41] Gin
    Who's your favorite character?
[11:43] Gin
    Let me guess.
[11:44] Gin
    I'm pretty good at Dragonball
    character fortune telling.
[11:48] Gin
    Let's see, you're a Tien...
[11:50] Gin
    No, you might actually be a Vegeta.
[11:53] Tsu
    The king of King Castle!
[11:58] Gin
    Right. You have unique taste.
    The king of King Castle.
[12:03] Toshi
    That's a rare choice.
[12:05] Toshi
    So Yagami-san, are you a...
[12:08] Sa
    It's King Furry!
[12:12] Gin
    Yeah, that guy looked like a dog.
[12:14] Gin
    Come to think of it, there were
    a bunch of animal characters
[12:16] Gin
    in the beginning, but it
    turned into a humanoid
[12:18] ---
    fest like a certain other manga...
[12:21] Kyu
    Put yourself in Toriyama's shoes!
[12:25] Toshi
    Yeah, Toriyama had a lot to...
[12:29] Kagura
    Pororoca!
[12:33] Gin
    Uh, hold on.
[12:34] Gin
    Is it me or were those girls
    beating us up for the hell of it?
[12:38] Toshi
    That last one had nothing
    to do with Dragonball.
[12:40] Toshi
    Her timing would have been
    perfect for a quiz show.
[12:42] Toshi
    And I've been hit an extra time...
[12:45] Saigo
    Sorry!
[12:46] Saigo
    The correct answer was the Candiru,
[12:49] Saigo
    the carnivorous catfish that
    lives in the Amazon region!
[12:54] Toshi
    Hey! What's wrong with those drunks?!
[12:56] Toshi
    Do they have to smack us in the
    head every time they talk?!
[12:59] Toshi
    They aren't giving us a chance
    to talk to the Madame!
[13:01] Gin
    And why are we talking about
    Dragonball with a woman?
[13:05] Toshi
    I was trying to help you recover
    from that Oolong tea crap!
[13:08] Toshi
    What the hell is Dragonball fortune telling?!
[13:10] Toshi
    You could have just asked what her type was!
[13:13] Tsu
    King of King Castle!
[13:14] Sa
    Colonel Silver!
[13:15] Otae
    Bardock!
[13:16] Kyu
    The female in Bardock's crew!
[13:17] Saigo
    The joke with a power level of
    five that's beaten up by Raditz!
[13:19] Kagura
    Pororoca!
[13:20] Madame
    Vegeta.
[13:25] Gin
    Hey, we used Dragonball to get them
    to tell us what their type is!
[13:28] Gin
    And they all have weird taste!
[13:30] Toshi
    One of them keeps saying Pororoca!
[13:32] Shin
    Wasn't there an extra answer?
[13:39] All
    She answered!
[13:42] Gin
    Hey! The Madame is actually participating!
[13:44] Toshi
    Which one?! Which one did she like?!
[13:46] Shin
    I-It was probably Vegeta!
[13:48] Saigo
    Oh, you like Vegeta?
[13:51] Saigo
    A lot of women like Vegeta.
[13:54] Sa
    It's the whole falling for the bad boy
[13:56] ---
    after seeing him help a
    puppy out of the rain.
[13:59] Shin
    Wait! The girls are starting
    a discussion about Vegeta!
[14:03] Sa
    A lot of stupid women
    fall for those bad boys.
[14:06] Sa
    In most cases, they get knocked up, married,
[14:09] ---
    and divorced in one breath.
[14:11] Otae
    That relationship only worked
    because Bulma was rich.
[14:14] Otae
    Being a Super Saiyan doesn't mean
    much if you don't have a job.
[14:18] Otae
    And you can't say that he's gentle inside
[14:20] Otae
    when he only ever cried because
    of his pride as a Saiyan
[14:22] Otae
    or because he was scared of Frieza.
[14:24] Otae
    That man only cares about himself.
[14:27] All
    Yeah, yeah.
[14:28] Shin
    Vegeta is getting beat down!
[14:30] Shin
    This is worse than when he got
    his ass handed to him by Frieza!
[14:33] Kyu
    As far as loners go, Piccolo is much better.
[14:37] Kyu
    He cried before Gohan, and
    he takes good care of kids.
[14:41] Tsu
    But those shoulder pads would get in the way.
[14:43] Tsu
    You can't latch onto his arm.
[14:45] Kyu
    Vegeta has the same problem!
[14:46] Tsu
    Vegeta wore normal clothes sometimes,
    though they looked terrible.
[14:49] Shin
    Stop it! You're making the Madame,
    the Vegeta fan, look bad!
[14:52] Kagura
    With that widow's peak, it
    wouldn't matter what he wore.
[14:56] Kagura
    He probably just threw on
    whatever Bulma bought for him.
[14:59] All
    Oh.
[15:01] Kagura
    But I'm guessing he bought
    the shirt that said BADMAN.
[15:06] All
    Yeah, out of the question.
[15:08] All
    Vegeta's out of the question.
[15:10] Shin
    Stop!
[15:11] Shin
    And how much time have you
    people spent on Dragonball?!
[15:15] Gin
    But Bulma looked happier
    when she was with him,
[15:18] Gin
    compared to when she was with Yamcha.
[15:21] Gin
    Once Trunks was born, he settled down
[15:23] ---
    and became a good father.
[15:25] Shin
    He forced his way into the conversation!
[15:26] Shin
    He dove right in, like a widow's peak!
[15:29] Gin
    Oh, Yagami-san. Your glass is empty.
[15:31] Gin
    Another Oolong Highball?
[15:32] Madame
    Yes.
[15:33] Gin
    Hey, TOSHI!
[15:35] Gin
    Bring a Oolong Highball!
[15:39] Shin
    Why are you recreating one
    of Vegeta's famous scenes?!
[15:41] Shin
    That's the famous farewell with Trunks!
[15:46] Otae
    Imo shochu!
[15:47] Sa
    Cassis Orange!
[15:48] Tsu
    Japanese sake!
[15:49] Kyu
    With soda!
[15:49] Saigo
    Whiskey!
[15:50] Kagura
    Pororoca!
[15:51] Shin
    The famous scene had no effect!
[15:53] Shin
    Vegeta can't do anything in this world!
[15:58] Madame
    Heh, dirty fireworks.
[16:00] Shin
    She joined in!
[16:02] Shin
    The Madame is playing Vegeta!
[16:04] Shin
    She's a pretty fun person!
[16:05] Shin
    Hang in there!
[16:07] Shin
    The Madame's heart is slowly opening!
[16:10] Toshi
    But those drunks are still a problem.
[16:13] Toshi
    We need to deal with them before
[16:15] ---
    we can get anywhere with
    the Madame, Kakarot...
[16:18] Shin
    Uh, who are you calling Kakarot?
[16:21] Okita
    Oh, ladies?
[16:24] Okita
    What is this party for?
[16:26] Okita
    A little get-together for models?
[16:29] Shin
    S-SOUGO-san!
[16:31] Saigo
    Please! You're such a sweet talker!
[16:35] Otae
    This is just a supermodel powwow!
[16:38] Okita
    Oh, forgive me.
[16:40] Okita
    You're all so beautiful that I got confused.
[16:44] Toshi
    H-He sidestepped them?
[16:47] Okita
    Hey, what are you guys doing?
[16:49] Okita
    Bring the goods.
[16:51] Toshi
    The goods?
[16:52] Okita
    The champagne tower that's actually
[16:56] Okita
    filled with tequila!
[16:58] Both
    Tequila tower?!
[17:06] Shin
    I see!
[17:08] Shin
    He's going to subdue them
    by getting them drunk!
[17:12] Okita
    Are you ready?
[17:13] All
    Let's party!
[17:16] Shin
    SOUGO-san...
[17:18] Shin
    He's so evil that he doesn't
    give a damn about abusing women.
[17:21] Shin
    He's a prodigy host!
[17:31] Shin
    You guys were the ones subdued?!
[17:33] Saigo
    I've never had Dom Perignon before,
[17:36] Saigo
    but it's almost like drinking water.
[17:38] Tsu
    I need more booze! Bring the whole keg!
[17:41] Shin
    The tequila isn't doing
    anything to the women!
[17:43] Shin
    They're too strong!
[17:45] Sa
    Hey, Yagami-san! I know you want some more!
[17:47] Madame
    No, I've had enough...
[17:50] Shin
    Had enough?!
[17:52] Shin
    How did she empty all of
    those glasses so fast?!
[17:55] Madame
    I've had quite a bit to drink,
    so I will be leaving now.
[18:00] Shin
    Er, hold on!
[18:03] Madame
    I had a wonderful time tonight.
[18:06] Madame
    Please let Kyoshiro-san know.
[18:08] Shin
    Hold on! Why are you leaving?!
[18:11] Shin
    Aren't you...
[18:13] Madame
    I would not dare to see Kyoshiro-san
    when my face is so flushed.
[18:19] Shin
    You don't want to see him?
[18:22] Shin
    So you didn't come back because
    you didn't like the bar?
[18:29] Shin
    You came to see Kyoshiro-san?
[18:31] Madame
    So you have heard the stories.
[18:36] Madame
    Unfortunately, I am no goddess of fortune,
[18:42] Madame
    nor am I a goddess of death.
[18:48] Madame
    Nor do I have the ability
    to ruin an entire town.
[18:51] Madame
    My obsession with the power of money left me
[18:54] ---
    with no friends, no home.
[18:57] Madame
    I never visited a bar twice
[19:00] Madame
    because I didn't want people
    tiptoeing around me.
[19:04] Madame
    But at some point, I became famous around Edo
[19:07] Madame
    and lost my only refuge.
[19:11] Madame
    That was when I met Kyoshiro-sama.
[19:15] Madame
    His smile was different
[19:17] ---
    from the false ones that always greeted me.
[19:20] Madame
    His smile was for everyone, not just me.
[19:25] Madame
    I assume that was because
    he loved his job as a host.
[19:32] Madame
    His smile was very special to me.
[19:36] Madame
    I returned to see that smile again.
[19:40] Madame
    You must have come to
    replace the hosts who quit.
[19:46] Madame
    I truly apologize.
[19:50] Madame
    Do not worry.
[19:51] Madame
    The goddess of death
[19:53] ---
    will never walk the night streets again.
[19:57] Madame
    But it was very fun.
[20:00] Madame
    I didn't get to see Kyoshiro-san,
[20:02] Madame
    but I saw many smiles that
[20:04] ---
    would turn away any goddess of death.
[20:17] Shin
    Ya-Yagami-san...
[20:29] Kyoshiro
    Ma'am, do you have any plans tonight?
[20:38] Kyoshiro
    If not, why not drop by Takamagahara,
[20:42] ---
    the refuge for angels, to rest your wings?
[20:47] Madame
    I'm sorry to say that my wings are black,
[20:50] ---
    as they only cause sorrow.
[20:53] Kyo
    Oh, you sound like an angel of death.
[20:56] Kyo
    However, I believe that particular
    goddess has already left.
[21:02] Kyo
    I've heard that Madame Yagami first appears
[21:06] ---
    as a goddess of fortune,
[21:08] Kyo
    then as a goddess of death
    to bring misfortune.
[21:12] Kyo
    Then what happens when
    she visits a third time?
[21:25] Gin
    Hey, we've been waiting for you.
[21:27] Gin
    The drinks are on you this time.
[21:30] Hachi
    Drinking buddies!
[21:31] Host
    All lined up!
[21:35] Kyo
    Welcome to Takamagahara.
[21:47] Madame
    Heh, dirty fireworks.
SIGN    Next Episode
[23:20] Gin
    Jellybeans Vanguard Honda,
[23:23] Gin
    is a Jump editor who's just
    gotten married when a
[23:27] Gin
    new promising manga artist
    appears before him!
[23:30] Gin
    Next time:
[23:30] Gin
    Draw your life on the canvas we call manga.
SIGN    Draw Your Life on the Canvas We Call Manga
SIGN    Jellybeans Vanguard Honda  has been assigned to Gintaman
SIGN    To escape the despair which plagues him,
    he must land the new artist a regular series!!

E243 - Draw your life on the canvas we call manga
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:30] Honda
    Say...
[01:33] Honda
    Could you stop having every
    character start off hungry?
[01:37] Honda
    You're the same as the other new artists.
[01:43] Honda
    A hungry hero who saves
[01:45] ---
    the village from the bad
    guys because they fed him.
[01:48] Honda
    Just like Zuffy from One Park.
[01:52] Honda
    I understand that you like One Park.
[01:54] Honda
    That doesn't make it okay to copy ideas.
[01:57] Honda
    I wouldn't mind so much if you had an
[02:00] ---
    original approach to the hungry hero.
[02:02] Honda
    But it's clear that you're
    borrowing elements
[02:05] ---
    from many other series.
[02:08] Honda
    Are you drawing manga to
    express someone's ideas?
[02:13] Honda
    Didn't you become a manga artist
    to express your own ideas?
[02:16] Honda
    In that case, you need to pour
    your soul into every page.
[02:20] Honda
    Put your life into your work!
[02:29] Honda
    Jellybeans Vanguard Honda.
[02:32] Honda
    I'm in my fifth year as a Jump editor.
[02:34] Honda
    I am very worried.
[02:38] Honda
    I have been assigned to the evil
[02:40] ---
    which threatens to consume Jump,
[02:42] Honda
    Gintaman, designated by the
    Bakufu as a harmful manga.
[02:45] Honda
    Gintaman has managed to
    last for eight years,
[02:49] Honda
    but in reality, it's just
    the scribblings of a gorilla
[02:54] Honda
    that has the backing of
    animal rights activists.
[02:58] Honda
    Look at the editors.
[02:59] Honda
    The first editor, Konishi,
[03:00] Honda
    ended up unable to say
    anything but "Holy Cow!"
[03:06] Konishi
    Holy cow!
[03:10] Honda
    The second editor, Daito,
[03:12] ---
    messed up his Samurai
    Commando Mission 1549 date,
[03:18] Honda
    so he turned to the world of
    anime and never looked back.
[03:22] Daito
    Strategy for survival!
[03:24] Honda
    The third editor, elite Nakasaki,
[03:27] Honda
    hurt his back at a party by
    getting a little too elite.
[03:34] Honda
    After enduring the hell
    of strict deadlines,
[03:38] Honda
    they all snapped.
[03:39] Honda
    They are all kept in the
    gorilla sanctuary now.
[03:44] Konishi
    Holy cow!
[03:45] Daito
    Please! Let me watch Madoka Magica!
[03:47] Naka
    I'm elite!
[03:49] Naka
    I'm not like them!
[03:51] Honda
    My assignment to Gintaman was
[03:53] Honda
    essentially a death sentence.
[03:59] A
    I heard that Vanguard's
    been sent to Gintaman.
[04:02] B
    He just got married.
[04:03] B
    Poor guy.
[04:05] Honda
    I need to find a way to save my neck.
[04:09] Honda
    That means I have to discover a new artist
[04:12] ---
    so I can be moved off Gintaman.
[04:15] Honda
    I've spent days searching
    for an artist with promise,
[04:19] Honda
    but the manga they drew
    was only manga in name.
[04:25] Honda
    Isn't there anyone out there
[04:28] ---
    who's willing to pour their own words,
[04:30] Honda
    their own thoughts, their
    own life into their work?
[04:34] Honda
    Is there anyone out there
[04:36] ---
    to save me from my death,
[04:39] Honda
    to save me from this dark prison?
[04:40] A
    ...guard-san.
[04:42] A
    Vanguard-san.
[04:43] A
    Vanguard-san!
[04:44] Honda
    Oh, yes.
[04:46] A
    Vanguard-san, someone named
    N3016 is here to see you.
[04:50] Honda
    O-Oh, let him in.
[04:52] A
    Yes.
[04:55] Honda
    N3016?
[04:57] Honda
    Oh, it's the guy who drew that
[05:00] ---
    juvenile crap for the Treasure award.
[05:02] Honda
    Today is his first visit.
[05:04] Honda
    Even his pen name is juvenile.
[05:07] A
    Excuse us!
[05:08] Honda
    Hm?
[05:12] C
    N3016, get in here!
[05:17] N
    I am prisoner number 3016.
[05:21] N
    It is a pleasure to meet you.
SIGN    Draw Your Life on the Canvas We Call Manga
[05:33] Honda
    They brought me a real prisoner?!
[05:37] Honda
    Instead of throwing me into prison,
[05:39] ---
    they brought a prisoner to me!
[05:42] Honda
    N-Nobody warned me about this!
[05:45] A
    You've got 20 minutes.
[05:47] B
    Any longer, and you'll be considered
[05:48] ---
    a fugitive and shot on sight.
[05:50] Honda
    Why did he bring all these guards with him
[05:53] ---
    here to show me his manga?!
[05:55] Honda
    And it sounds like he did
    something really bad!
[05:58] N
    Uh, I believe that we
    spoke on the phone before
[06:04] N
    when I was a finalist
    for the Treasure award.
[06:06] N
    Do you remember my manga
[06:08] N
    about a Soul Reaper appearing
    before a prisoner
[06:10] ---
    who's about to kill himself?
[06:11] Honda
    It was nonfiction?!
[06:13] Honda
    We chose a complete
    psycho to be a finalist!
[06:16] N
    So I wanted to come see
    you in person today.
[06:22] C
    Drop the weapon, Shachi!
[06:24] Shachi
    It's just a pen!
[06:25] C
    A pen can be used as a weapon! Drop it now!
[06:28] Shachi
    I-I can't do that!
[06:30] Shachi
    I'm... I'm gonna become a manga artist!
[06:33] C
    I'll wait three seconds!
[06:34] C
    One! Two!
[06:35] C
    Three!
[06:35] Gin
    Shut up!
[06:37] Honda
    What?! What now?!
[06:39] Shachi
    Bro!
[06:40] D
    Sakata-san!
[06:41] Gin
    Why are you so scared of
    a prisoner in handcuffs?
[06:44] Gin
    Forget it.
[06:45] Gin
    I'll keep an eye on him,
[06:47] Gin
    so scram.
[06:48] D
    If Sakata-san is here,
    everything will be fine.
[06:51] D
    Then we'll be having tea at Renoir.
[06:54] Gin
    Sorry about all the fuss.
[06:56] Shachi
    What took you so long, Bro?!
[06:58] ---
    I was getting nervous.
[06:59] Honda
    There's another weirdo here.
[07:01] Gin
    Sorry about the late introduction.
[07:03] Gin
    I am prisoner number 4264, the artist.
[07:07] Shachi
    I am number 3016, the writer.
[07:11] Both
    Together, we are Mute Ashirogi.
[07:14] Both
    It's a pleasure to meet you.
[07:15] Honda
    Is this Bakuman?!
[07:18] Honda
    U-Uh, so the two of you work together?
[07:21] Gin
    He used to do everything himself.
[07:24] Gin
    But he was only a finalist, right?
[07:26] Gin
    I happened to be in the same
    prison as him for a short period,
[07:29] Gin
    and he wanted the opinion of
    a twenty-year Jump reader.
[07:33] Gin
    The art is too dated.
[07:34] Shachi
    What?! That's not true!
[07:36] Gin
    Kids are sensitive to that stuff.
[07:38] Shachi
    Then you draw it!
[07:40] Gin
    So we ended up
[07:45] Gin
    working together.
[07:47] Honda
    A manga duo that met in a prison!
[07:50] Honda
    I see...
[07:52] Honda
    These dangerous criminals
    can't draw shounen manga!
[07:55] Shachi
    We fixed the issues you
    mentioned in our phone call,
[07:59] ---
    so could you take a look?
[08:01] Honda
    Oh shit.
[08:02] ---
    What will happen to me if
    I say something is bad?
SIGN    Revised Edition Ver 1.12 Mute Ashirogi
[08:06] Honda
    Quick! Get this over with and leave!
[08:09] Honda
    I'll try to give them advice
    without antagonizing them...
[08:13] Shachi
    So...
[08:14] Shachi
    The original manga was a touching story
[08:16] Shachi
    about a Soul Reaper appearing before
    a prisoner about to kill himself
[08:19] Shachi
    and using death to teach the prisoner about
[08:21] ---
    the importance of life.
[08:23] Gin
    The story was too gloomy,
[08:25] ---
    and everyone had their sleeves ripped off.
[08:29] Gin
    He was told to draw something
    that wasn't so dark.
[08:35] Gin
    So we
[08:36] Gin
    changed things up.
[08:37] Honda
    You just put shoulder pads
    on all of the characters!
[08:43] Gin
    And we changed two of the key characters,
[08:45] Gin
    such as the Soul Reaper and
    the warden, into girls,
[08:47] Gin
    so now you have two heroines.
[08:49] Honda
    The heroines are damn scary!
[08:51] Honda
    And they have double shoulder pads!
[08:53] Honda
    Are the shoulder pads the heroines?!
[08:57] Gin
    The main character was thrown
[08:58] ---
    in a women's prison for
    some unknown reason,
[09:01] Gin
    and now he spends his days
[09:03] ---
    surrounded by the prison ladies.
[09:05] Gin
    These days, Jump doesn't have
[09:08] ---
    any series that make the readers hard.
[09:10] Honda
    Pretty sure you've only
    made their shoulders hard.
[09:14] Honda
    S-So this is a prison harem story?
[09:17] Honda
    That's new.
[09:18] Shachi
    Right?
[09:19] Shachi
    We did it, Bro!
[09:20] Shachi
    But, Jump is aimed at grade
    school and middle school boys,
[09:25] Shachi
    and we don't want them
    sympathizing with prisoners...
[09:27] Shachi
    You got a problem with prisoners?!
[09:29] Shachi
    We're all prisoners of society!
[09:33] Shachi
    I'm busting my ass drawing manga here!
[09:36] Shachi
    I spend all of the little time I have left
[09:39] Shachi
    after slaving away for hours
    on the chain gang on manga!
[09:42] Gin
    Calm down, N3016.
[09:44] Gin
    Vanguard-san knows that.
[09:48] Gin
    However, we can't create a new
[09:49] ---
    romantic comedy if you
    oppose the prison setting.
[09:51] Gin
    Then you would only have
    school romantic comedies.
[09:54] Gin
    The prison is what makes
    this manga stand out.
[09:56] Gin
    We can't give that up.
[09:58] Gin
    But we can add some wardrobe malfunctions
[10:01] ---
    to keep the kiddies happy.
[10:02] A
    Oh, no! My shoulder pads fell off!
[10:05] Honda
    Who gives a damn about
    shoulder pads falling off?!
[10:08] Gin
    And we'll follow Yabuki's example
    with the tankoban releases
[10:10] Gin
    by adding detail to the shoulder pads
[10:12] ---
    and showing how tightly
    they adhere to the skin.
[10:15] Honda
    Forget that! Get rid of the shoulder pads!
[10:18] Honda
    And this will never make
    it to a tankoban release!
[10:20] Honda
    But if you want to do
[10:22] ---
    a romantic comedy, the art
    needs a little work...
[10:24] Honda
    The girls are just a little
    too beefy, I think.
[10:29] Shachi
    Yeah, Bro's art is too animated
    for a romantic comedy.
[10:34] Honda
    I'd say his art is too
    crappy for a manga artist!
[10:36] Gin
    Really? Maybe it's because I'm
    a fan of the older Jump style.
[10:41] Shachi
    Maybe a different pen would help?
[10:45] Honda
    No, it's not that.
[10:46] ---
    The shoulder pads are a big problem.
[10:49] Honda
    Uh, I believe you should
[10:51] ---
    completely start over with
    the female characters.
[10:54] Honda
    Do you have any concept
    art for the heroines?
[10:56] Gin
    Oh, I sure do.
[10:59] Honda
    This is more like concept
    art for the shoulder pads!
[11:03] Gin
    Right Wing 1.
[11:04] Gin
    Stores a carbon whip that
    shuts up any noisy kid.
[11:07] Gin
    Can cow any rowdy prisoner.
[11:09] Honda
    Storage?
[11:11] Honda
    These shoulder pads are used for storage?!
[11:13] Gin
    Right Wing 2.
[11:14] Gin
    Armed with an auto-turret that will
[11:16] ---
    clear any enemies on your right side.
[11:19] Honda
    Of course. It only hits
    enemies on the right side.
[11:21] Honda
    It's on her right, so it only
    works on the right side!
[11:24] Gin
    Left Wing 1.
[11:25] Gin
    Stores an extremely powerful stun gun
[11:27] ---
    that can instantly knock out an elephant.
[11:29] Gin
    And now for the Left Wing 2!
[11:31] Honda
    Hidden?! It was hidden?!
[11:33] Gin
    The warden is still a girl.
[11:35] Gin
    She uses this hairbrush
    to take care of her hair.
[11:37] Honda
    Now we find out she's
    actually fashion conscious!
[11:39] Honda
    Of course! She's still a girl!
[11:42] Gin
    And the shoulder pads can be removed.
[11:44] Honda
    Metamorphosis?
[11:45] Honda
    How much time did you spend
    on the shoulder pads?!
[11:47] Honda
    Why are these shoulder pads
    starting to resemble the Cloths?!
[11:50] Honda
    Isn't this supposed to
    be a romantic comedy?!
[11:52] Gin
    Since this is a Jump manga, we
    wanted to incorporate battles.
[11:56] Gin
    Now take the Soul Reaper heroine.
[11:58] Honda
    What are Zanpakupads?
[12:01] Shachi
    Right Wing.
[12:01] Shachi
    A strange blade which grows in parallel
    to the user's spiritual power.
[12:04] Shachi
    Vital for every Soul Reaper.
[12:06] Gin
    Left Wing.
[12:07] Gin
    Used for draining spiritual
    power when you're running low.
[12:09] Honda
    You guys are ripping off everything
    under the sun with your shoulder pads!
[12:13] Honda
    Wh-What am I supposed to do...
[12:14] Gin
    What's wrong?
[12:16] Gin
    Do you want me to make my
    art look worse on purpose?
[12:18] Shachi
    Yeah, artists don't draw
    this much detail these days.
[12:23] Honda
    They're copycats, but I can't
    tell them to remove the
[12:26] Honda
    shoulder pads after they put
    all that effort into them.
[12:28] Shachi
    The heroines didn't seem that
    macho in the initial sketches.
[12:32] Gin
    The initial sketches were nothing
    more than a few scribbles.
[12:35] Gin
    Can't make any judgments off that.
[12:36] Honda
    Oh, so N3016 did the rough sketch,
[12:40] Honda
    and N4264 did the outlining.
[12:43] Gin
    Yes, since the prison
    didn't allow felt pens.
[12:47] Honda
    Oh, so that's why the submission for the
[12:49] ---
    Treasure Award was a rough sketch.
[12:50] Gin
    Look at his crappy drawings.
[12:53] Gin
    You have no idea how hard it
    was for me to correct this.
[12:56] Warden
    You're headed to the disciplinary room!
[12:57] Warden
    You're headed to the disciplinary room!
[12:57] Honda
    Uh, was the pen you used
    covered in mud or something?!
[13:01] Shachi
    It's embarrassing, so don't
    compare my art to Bro's!
[13:03] Honda
    They should switch roles!
[13:07] Honda
    And the guy with an ugly
    face can draw some cute art!
[13:10] Honda
    He's made a ton of progress!
[13:13] Honda
    He's a genius, if you
    ignore the shoulder pads!
[13:15] Honda
    I-I understand.
[13:17] Honda
    Then let's have the two of you swap roles
[13:19] ---
    on the next submission.
[13:21] Both
    Huh?!
[13:22] Honda
    Well, it's good now, but I'm
[13:24] ---
    interested in seeing what else you can do.
[13:27] Shachi
    But I don't know how to use a mapping pen
[13:29] Shachi
    since I've been a model prisoner!
[13:31] Honda
    Uh, you don't have to use a mapping pen.
[13:35] Honda
    N4264 writes the story
[13:37] Honda
    and N3016 draws a rough sketch off that.
[13:41] Honda
    Then you just have to fax it to me.
[13:44] Shachi
    Seriously?! My art can't
    compare with Bro's!
[13:48] Honda
    No, I guarantee that your art is better.
[13:51] Gin
    Well, this might help him
    realize how hard my job is.
[13:53] Gin
    Sounds like fun. Let's do it.
[13:55] Honda
    Why are you so arrogant?!
[13:58] Honda
    You're the one holding back this manga!
SIGN    Shueisha
[14:01] Shachi
    Thank you very much for seeing us today.
[14:04] Shachi
    We'll fax you our next work,
    so please give us a chance.
[14:06] Honda
    Yes, I'm looking forward to seeing it.
[14:10] Honda
    With that art, and a story
    that lays his own life bare...
[14:16] Honda
    There are many obstacles
    ahead, but it's possible that
[14:21] Honda
    I've found an incredible talent.
[14:32] A
    Vanguard-san, you have a fax.
[14:35] Honda
    The gorilla finally finished?
[14:37] C
    Oh, no. It's from someone
    named Mute Ashirogi.
SIGN    Jump Editing Department Mr. Vanguard We finished our first draft. Please have a look.
[14:41] Honda
    What? It only took them one day?
[14:43] Honda
    These newbies are so much
    faster than the gorilla.
[14:48] Honda
    Let's see. What's the title?
[14:50] Honda
    God of Death?
[14:52] Honda
    So they focused on the
[14:53] ---
    reaper aspect instead of the prison theme.
[14:56] Honda
    Huh? There's more below?
SIGN    Prison of Death
[14:58] Honda
    Oh, so it hasn't been finalized.
[15:00] Honda
    Looks like they were shifting between
SIGN    Death Prison Death PriDeath
[15:01] ---
    the reaper and prison themes.
SIGN    PriDeath PriDeath Death PriPri Death
[15:04] Honda
    Er, I don't like where this is going.
[15:08] Honda
    You don't want to start
    mixing and matching words.
SIGN    Death PriPri Death PriPriDeath
SIGN    CHAGE here.
[15:13] Honda
    This has nothing to do
    with reapers or prisons.
SIGN    ASKA here.
[15:17] Honda
    What happened to the death and pripri?
SIGN    CHAGE & ASKA here.
[15:20] Honda
    Why is this like the intro
    for a CHAGE & ASKA concert?
SIGN    ASKA & CHAGE here.
[15:23] Honda
    Who cares about the order?!
SIGN    ASKA & CHAGE & ASKA here.
[15:25] Honda
    Don't put CHAGE in between two ASKAs!
SIGN    ASKA & CHAGE & ASKA here.
[15:28] Honda
    Staggering it doesn't help!
SIGN    CHAGE DEATH ASKA
[15:30] Honda
    Why are you bringing death
    back into the title?!
SIGN    CHAGETH NOTE
[15:32] Honda
    And now this is just completely wrong!
[15:35] Honda
    What is this CHAGETH NOTE?
[15:37] Honda
    Does something bad happen
[15:38] ---
    if you write someone's name in it?
[15:42] Chage
    Damn, practice ran late.
[15:45] Chage
    My shoulders are starved.
[15:46] Honda
    Shoulders are starved? They're huge!
[15:49] Honda
    They're sticking out of the panel!
[15:50] Honda
    And this no longer has
[15:52] ---
    anything to do with reapers or prisons.
[15:53] Honda
    But why did they keep the shoulder pads?
[15:56] Chage
    Man, the moon is creeping me out tonight.
[15:58] Chage
    Feels like something's going
    to pop out of the shadows.
[16:00] Honda
    Uh, your creepy shoulders
    are blocking the moon.
[16:04] Honda
    And those shoulders limit the space
[16:06] ---
    he has for everything else!
[16:08] Chage
    Oh, dog poop.
[16:09] Honda
    Why are you using a huge panel
    for such a pointless scene?!
[16:13] Honda
    How long is this going to continue?!
[16:16] Chage
    Wh-What is this CHAGETH NOTE?!
[16:18] Honda
    He sounds surprised, but
    he already knows the name?
[16:22] Chage
    There's a name inside...
SIGN    ASKA RYO
[16:22] Honda
    Hey! ASKA's name's in there!
[16:24] Honda
    Who put it there?
[16:25] Honda
    CHAGE?
[16:25] Honda
    Did CHAGE write that?
[16:27] Honda
    ASKA, Inaba, Shimura, Kaku-san?
[16:29] Honda
    These are all names of people who get
[16:30] ---
    the most attention in
    their respective groups.
[16:32] Honda
    That list of names is scaring me! Stop it!
[16:35] Honda
    Don't cause any scandals!
[16:37] Ryu
    You weren't supposed to see that!
[16:40] Honda
    And why are you doing math on here?!
[16:42] Honda
    Don't scribble on a draft!
[16:44] Honda
    You're shaky on your sevens?!
[16:46] Honda
    Y-You're...
SIGN    Mute Ashirogi
[16:47] Honda
    I can't focus on the manga!
[16:50] Honda
    You don't need to practice your signature!
[16:52] Honda
    Nobody's interested in your signature!
[16:54] Ryu
    I am Ryuko, a God of Death.
[16:56] Gin
    Kagura, I made fried race so you 
    can microwave that for dinner.
[16:59] Honda
    They drew this important
    scene on an old note?!
[17:02] Honda
    The heroine's face is
    covered by fried rice!
[17:05] Honda
    And they've perfected their signature!
[17:07] Gin
    Mute Ashirogi!
[17:09] Chage
    A God of Death?!
[17:10] Kagura
    Next time, I want BBQ
    instead of boiled ham.
[17:13] Kagura
    But I still loved it to DEATH.
[17:14] Kagura
    -Kagura
[17:15] Honda
    Don't use the manga to reply!
[17:18] Honda
    Do they not care about this draft?!
[17:20] Shin
    Gin-san, Otose-san dropped
    by for rent today.
[17:24] Shin
    -Shinpachi
[17:24] Honda
    Don't turn this manga into a message board!
[17:28] Gin
    Oh, then I'll make myself scarce.
[17:30] Honda
    If you're in the same room,
[17:32] ---
    you can talk to each other directly!
[17:34] Honda
    Wait up.
[17:36] Honda
    What happened while those fools
    were talking to each other?
[17:39] Honda
    We're back in a prison again!
[17:42] Chage
    This was my only solution.
[17:44] Chage
    I could never write someone's name
[17:46] ---
    in this notebook and CHAGE them.
[17:47] Honda
    What does that even mean?
[17:50] Chage
    I've fallen in love with
    both Ryuko and Wardena.
[17:54] Honda
    That never happened...
[17:56] Chage
    In order to make one
    happy, I had to CHAGE the
[17:59] ---
    other so she would barely remember me.
[18:02] Honda
    Apologize to CHAGE!
[18:03] Wardena
    If that's what it takes
    for you to be happy,
[18:06] ---
    you can CHAGE me.
[18:08] Wardena
    But I'll always ASKA you.
[18:11] Honda
    Hey! The shoulder pads pushed her face
[18:13] ---
    off the page in this critical scene!
[18:15] Wardena
    You better make him happy,
[18:17] ---
    or I'll send you to the disciplinary room!
[18:18] Honda
    Who's talking?
[18:20] ---
    Whose shoulder pads are these?
[18:22] Chage
    I can't make one of them
[18:24] ---
    forget me to make the other happy.
[18:27] Chage
    Because I need both of them...
[18:32] Chage
    Both CHAGE & ASKA.
SIGN    CHAGEsuke.
[18:34] Honda
    Now it's kind of a touching story?
[18:37] Chage
    This was for the best...
[18:39] Chage
    I could only protect them
    by making them forget me.
[18:41] Honda
    Why would that land you in prison?!
[18:44] D
    Hey, what's your name?
[18:47] Chage
    Beats me. I can't even remember now.
[18:50] D
    There's a letter for you.
[18:53] Chage
    It was
[18:55] Chage
    from the people around the
[18:56] ---
    world who should have forgotten about me.
[19:00] Chage
    A love letter that should never
[19:03] ---
    have been able to reach me...
[19:04] Otose
    Gintoki, I've taken your
    furniture as collateral.
[19:08] Otose
    Never come back.
[19:09] Otose
    -Otose
[19:15] Honda
    You know....
[19:17] Honda
    When a story starts off with
    a hungry main character,
[19:21] Honda
    it must be great!
[19:23] Honda
    Now is the time to copy other manga
[19:25] ---
    and use what you can!
[19:28] Honda
    Don't bother with originality!
[19:31] Honda
    Don't bother using your
    own life experiences!
[19:33] D
    Hey, who's Vanguard talking to?
[19:36] E
    Beats me.
[19:37] ---
    I heard that he committed himself
    to the gorilla sanctuary.
[19:41] D
    Why?
[19:42] E
    Because wild gorillas are scarier.
[19:44] Konishi
    Holy cow!
[19:46] Daito
    Please! Let me watch Utena!
[19:48] Nakazaki
    I'm not like these scum!
[19:50] Honda
    Jellybeans!
[21:28] Chage
    Damn, practice ran late.
[21:32] Chage
    My shoulders are starved.
[21:33] Chage
    Man, the moon is creeping me out tonight.
[21:35] Chage
    Feels like something's going
    to pop out of the shadows.
[21:36] Chage
    Oh, dog poop.
[21:38] Chage
    Wh-What is this CHAGETH NOTE?!
SIGN    ASKA RYO
[21:40] Chage
    There's a name inside...
[21:41] Honda
    ASKA, Inaba, Shimura, Kaku-san?
[21:43] Honda
    These are all names of people who get
[21:44] ---
    the most attention in
    their respective groups.
[21:45] Ryu
    You weren't supposed to see that!
[21:47] Honda
    Y-You're...
SIGN    Mute Ashirogi
[21:49] Ryu
    I am Ryuko, a God of Death.
SIGN    Kagura, I made fried rice so you can microwave that for dinner.
    Mute Ashirogi
[21:51] Chage
    Next time, I want BBQ
    instead of boiled ham.
[21:53] Chage
    But I still loved it to DEATH.
[21:54] Chage
    -Kagura
[21:55] Ryuko
    Gin-san, Otose-san dropped
    by for rent today.
[21:57] Ryuko
    -Shinpachi
[21:58] Gin
    Oh, then I'll make myself scarce.
[22:00] Chage
    This was my only solution.
[22:02] Chage
    I could never write someone's name
[22:03] ---
    in this notebook and CHAGE them.
[22:07] Chage
    I've fallen in love with
    both Ryuko and Wardena.
[22:10] Chage
    In order to make one happy, I had to CHAGE
[22:12] ---
    the other so she would barely remember me.
[22:15] Ryu
    If that's what it takes
    for you to be happy,
[22:17] ---
    you can CHAGE me.
[22:18] Ryu
    But I'll always ASKA you.
[22:20] Wardena
    You better make him happy,
[22:22] ---
    or I'll send you to the disciplinary room!
[22:23] Chage
    I can't make one of them
[22:25] ---
    forget me to make the other happy.
[22:27] Chage
    Because I need both of them...
SIGN    CHAGEsuke.
[22:30] Chage
    Both CHAGE & ASKA.
[22:32] Chage
    This was for the best...
[22:33] Chage
    I could only protect them
    by making them forget me.
[22:36] D
    Hey, what's your name?
[22:37] Chage
    Beats me. I can't even remember now.
[22:40] D
    There's a letter for you.
[22:41] Chage
    It was
[22:42] Chage
    from the people around the
[22:43] ---
    world who should have forgotten about me.
[22:45] Chage
    A love letter that should never
    have been able to reach me...
[22:47] Ryu
    Gintoki, I've taken your
    furniture as collateral.
[22:49] Ryu
    Never come back.
[22:50] Ryu
    -Otose
SIGN    The End
SIGN    Next Episode
[22:58] Kondo
    You ever heard the name Thorny?
[23:00] Kondo
    It's for nasty kids that prick
    you if you get too close.
[23:05] Kondo
    That's what we called the
    bad boys where I come from.
SIGN    Thorny Arc
[23:11] ---
    Next Episode
[23:12] Okita
    Fine, let him in my first squad.
[23:15] Okita
    I'll send him straight into a
    battle and straight to his grave.
[23:18] Tetsu
    Yeah!
[23:19] Isabu
    I'm a fan of the Shinsengumi.
[23:22] Toshi
    Are you people...
[23:24] Isabu
    Captain of the Mimawarigumi,
    Isaburo Sasaki.
[23:28] Toshi
    Unfortunately, Thorny's
    the only mode I play.
SIGN    Check It Out!!
SIGN    Hijikata's past is revealed... And the  Shinsengumi are pitted against the Mimawarigumi!!
SIGN    The Thorny arc starts  next week. Check it out!!

E244 - Check it out!!
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    From Thorny
[01:49] Toshi
    Sasaki Tetsunosuke?
[01:52] Kondo
    Yeah, he's a member of 
    the famous Sasaki family
[01:54] Kondo
    that produces all those 
    elite members of society.
[01:57] Kondo
    But for some reason,
[01:59] ---
    he's the only failure who screws around
[02:01] ---
    and doesn't have a job.
[02:02] Kondo
    He was becoming a problem,
    so we took him in.
[02:07] Okita
    So basically,
[02:08] ---
    he's a spoiled brat who was
    forsaken by his parents
[02:10] Okita
    because they didn't want to look bad.
[02:12] Toshi
    Kondo-san, this isn't a juvie.
[02:15] Toshi
    You should turn him over to those
    other cops, the Mimawarigumi.
[02:18] Tetsu
    Yeah, it's me.
[02:20] Toshi
    They're a bunch of elite
    cops from famous families.
[02:20] Tetsu
    I'm in a dojo or something right now.
[02:23] Tetsu
    This is lame.
[02:23] Toshi
    Isn't their leader a Sasaki?
[02:25] Tetsu
    Can I go home?
[02:27] Okita
    They probably kept shuffling him
[02:29] ---
    around until he ended up here.
[02:31] Okita
    Fine, let him in my first squad.
[02:34] Okita
    I'll send him straight into a
    battle and straight to his grave.
[02:38] Kondo
    No, the higher-ups won't be happy
    if something happens to him.
[02:41] Toshi
    Then we can give him
    some menial tasks to do.
[02:43] Kondo
    No, he'll start whining.
[02:45] Kondo
    Right, Toshi!
[02:47] Kondo
    You mentioned that you
    had a bunch of busy work
[02:48] Kondo
    that you wanted to
    delegate to an assistant.
SIGN    Check It Out!!
[02:58] Tetsu
    Yo, I'm Tetsu.
[03:01] Tetsu
    Uh, your name is Toshikata?
[03:04] Tetsu
    No idea what an assistant does,
[03:07] Tetsu
    but I guess I just have to lay
    the smackdown on that Joi gang?
[03:10] Tetsu
    Nobody beats me in a fight, fo' shizzle.
[03:15] Tetsu
    It's not my policy to listen
    to anyone weaker than me.
[03:20] Tetsu
    I don't follow anyone else's rules.
[03:22] Tetsu
    We're all born equal and free.
[03:25] Tetsu
    Then you got your friends
    and your enemies.
[03:28] Tetsu
    So if you try to boss me around,
    I'll go beast on your ass.
[03:32] Tetsu
    Watch yourself, 'kay?
[03:33] Tetsu
    I might lose control.
[03:35] Tetsu
    Be fair, be square.
[03:37] Tetsu
    We cool, Toshi?
[03:39] Tetsu
    Yeah!
[03:44] Toshi
    Hey, you little prick.
[03:45] Toshi
    Don't chew when you're
    introducing yourself.
[03:47] Toshi
    I got enough of your type in
    the 17th volume of Oishinbo!
[03:52] Toshi
    And why is one pant leg rolled up?
[03:55] Toshi
    I think one leg is
    shorter than the other?
[03:59] Toshi
    There, now they're the
    same length! Oh, boy.
[04:02] Toshi
    Listen up.
[04:03] Toshi
    You're on our turf, so
    you follow our rules.
[04:06] Toshi
    For dumb boys like you,
    one slip and it's seppuku time!
[04:11] Toshi
    Doesn't matter who your dad is!
[04:13] Toshi
    I'll send your head flying
    all the way to your dad!
[04:17] Toshi
    Yeah! We cool, Tetsu.
[04:20] Tetsu
    We BFFs now, yeah!
[04:23] Toshi
    Yeah.
[04:24] Tetsu
    Well, let me know when
    there's a fight going down.
[04:27] Tetsu
    I'll bring all my buddies.
[04:29] Toshi
    Appreciate it.
[04:38] Kondo
    If we kick him out, he
    won't have anywhere to go.
[04:41] Kondo
    Just go easy on him.
[04:43] Kondo
    It'll take time to work him in.
[04:46] Toshi
    It'll take time? How much time?
[04:49] Toshi
    How am I supposed to stop myself
    from killing him before then?
[04:58] Yama
    Vice chief, I heard
    you got an assistant?
[05:01] Toshi
    Y-Yeah...
[05:02] Yama
    That's great.
[05:04] Yama
    You've mentioned how
    busy you always are.
[05:06] Yama
    So where is he?
[05:08] Toshi
    I have him running errands.
[05:11] A
    Sweet curry?
[05:13] A
    Spicy curry?
[05:14] Tetsu
    Yeah!
[05:16] Yama
    Uh, that corner of the
    room is oozing New York.
[05:17] Tetsu
    I'll do sweet curry. You do spicy curry.
[05:20] Tetsu
    Good stuff.
[05:21] Yama
    Excuse me.
[05:21] Yama
    Could you give me my curry?
[05:24] Yama
    Uh, what? What are you doing?
[05:27] A
    Hey, hey, hey!!
[05:28] Yama
    What?!
[05:29] Yama
    I don't have any money on me!
[05:30] Yama
    All I have is a plate of rice!
[05:32] A
    Hey!
[05:37] Yama
    Why are they acting like this
    is some kind of drug deal?!
[05:40] Tetsu
    Cherry boy!
[05:42] Yama
    Don't call me a cherry boy!
[05:43] Yama
    How can you even tell?!
SIGN    Mayonnaise five days a week! -Hijikata
[05:48] Yama
    Hey! What did you slip in my pocket?!
[05:50] Yama
    No, thanks!
[05:51] Yama
    I don't need your goods!
[05:52] Yama
    Hey! Stop it!
[05:54] Yama
    Wait! It's curry?!
[05:55] Yama
    Effin'!
[05:58] Kondo
    No, no, no, no!
[06:00] Kondo
    You're not supposed to
    swing with your wrist!
[06:03] Kondo
    Use your entire body to swing!
[06:05] Kondo
    The sword requires concentration!
[06:06] Kondo
    Hold your breath!
[06:07] Kondo
    Then swing for everything you're worth!
[06:09] Kondo
    This isn't some wimpy sport!
[06:11] Kondo
    Fancy tricks won't get you anywhere!
[06:18] A
    Hey, hey! Pass!
[06:20] B
    Gorilla, come on!
[06:24] Kondo
    I'll repeat myself!
[06:26] Kondo
    Fancy tricks...
[06:27] A
    Hey, hey! Gorilla!
[06:28] B
    Gorilla, pass!
[06:32] Kondo
    Listen up!
[06:33] Kondo
    I'll repeat myself one last time!
[06:35] Kondo
    Your left hand is only
    there for support!
[06:37] All
    Nice shot!
[06:42] Toshi
    Hey, Tetsu.
[06:44] Toshi
    Can you turn it down a bit?
[06:46] Tetsu
    What? I can't hear you.
[06:49] Toshi
    Can you turn it down?!
[06:51] Tetsu
    Okay, okay!
[06:53] Tetsu
    So you're also a fan
    of these crazy lyrics.
[06:56] Toshi
    No, Toshi hates hip-hop.
[06:59] Tetsu
    Shit! What are you doing, Toshi?
[07:02] Toshi
    Hey, Tetsu.
[07:03] Toshi
    You can't keep doing this forever.
[07:12] Toshi
    This is your last chance.
[07:15] Toshi
    I'm sure you've realized
    that you'll never get
[07:18] ---
    anywhere in society like this.
[07:20] Tetsu
    Shit, I don't need another lecture.
[07:23] Tetsu
    You can't boss me around.
[07:26] Tetsu
    This is how I choose to live.
[07:29] Toshi
    If you run into a wall and pretend
[07:31] ---
    it doesn't exist, you'll
    never make any progress.
[07:36] Toshi
    The wall will never change.
[07:38] Toshi
    So you're the one who has to change.
[07:41] Toshi
    Right now, you're just rattling
    off excuses at the wall.
[07:47] Toshi
    You're nothing more than a kid.
[07:49] Toshi
    Before, you might have
    gotten away with that.
[07:52] Toshi
    But in our line of work,
    one wrong move and you die.
[07:58] Toshi
    If you're going to drag
    down the Shinsengumi,
[08:00] ---
    I'll have to cut you down.
[08:03] Toshi
    When a warrior fails his
    duty, he commits seppuku.
[08:05] Toshi
    We used to be as dumb as you,
[08:08] Toshi
    but we were able to make it this far.
[08:13] Tetsu
    Then cut me down.
[08:16] Tetsu
    I can never be like my brother.
[08:18] Tetsu
    I don't belong with the Sasaki family,
[08:20] ---
    and I don't belong here.
[08:22] Tetsu
    I was born a failure.
[08:25] Tetsu
    So I'll live as I please
    and die as I please!
[08:29] Tetsu
    Nobody can stop me! Yeah!
[08:31] Toshi
    Cut it out!
[08:33] Toshi
    Stop! Stop the car!
[08:37] Tetsu
    Yo, big guy!
[08:38] Tetsu
    Whatcha looking at?!
[08:40] Tetsu
    Got a problem?!
[08:42] Toshi
    Hey, stop it!
[08:43] Tetsu
    I got news for you!
[08:44] Tetsu
    Imma cop! You'a flop!
[08:47] Tetsu
    Into the slammer you drop!
[08:48] Tetsu
    Yeah!
[08:49] Gin
    Huh? What?
[08:51] Gin
    What was that?
[08:56] Toshi
    Bad idea, Tetsu!
[08:57] Toshi
    You don't want to mess with him!
[08:58] Toshi
    He ain't nothing like the flimsy
    walls you've been running into to!
[09:00] Toshi
    He's rotten to the core!
[09:01] Tetsu
    Listen up, yo!
[09:02] Tetsu
    Imma cop! You'a flop!
[09:05] Tetsu
    Into the slammer you drop!
[09:06] Gin
    No, I heard that part.
[09:08] Gin
    What did you say after that?
[09:09] Tetsu
    Yeah!
[09:10] Gin
    Huh? Yes?
[09:12] Tetsu
    I said yeah!
[09:13] Toshi
    Uh, that was the least important part!
[09:15] Gin
    I can't hear a thing over this racket.
[09:17] Tetsu
    No!
[09:18] Tetsu
    Fuck!
[09:19] Gin
    Eh? Did you say fuck?!
[09:21] Gin
    Did you just call me a fuck, bitch?!
[09:23] A
    Fucking jump!
[09:24] B
    Fucking crazy monkey!
[09:26] Gin
    Don't call me a Fashion Leader!
[09:28] Gin
    I know what you're trying
    to pull, frickin' Dankan!
[09:31] Toshi
    Nobody has any idea what
    you're talking about!
[09:32] Toshi
    Nobody said anything about fashion!
[09:34] Toshi
    Hey! Stop messing around
    in the middle of the street!
[09:37] Tetsu
    Shut up!
[09:38] Tetsu
    I'm gonna make fuckin' Curly here pay!
[09:41] Gin
    Don't make fun of my curls!
[09:42] Gin
    Though I can understand
    why you're jealous.
[09:44] Tetsu
    I challenge you to a dissin' rap battle.
[09:47] Tetsu
    I'll embarrass you so you can never
    show your face in this town again!
[09:52] Toshi
    Hey, they're doing something over there!
[09:54] Toshi
    Why are they dancing in
    the middle of the street?
[09:56] Tetsu
    Yo, yo. Tell me where your momma's from.
[10:00] Tetsu
    Shimane? Akabane?
    Shirogane? Kingdom come?
[10:03] Tetsu
    Wait, have you seen my underwear, bum?
[10:10] Toshi
    Why are you joining in?!
[10:12] Toshi
    You're gonna punch him?!
[10:13] Toshi
    Is that how this battle works?!
[10:14] Gin
    Yo, yo. You tell me
    where your momma's from?
[10:18] Gin
    Chris? Fifi? Mori? Kawai?
[10:21] Toshi
    Who are you trying to diss?!
[10:22] Toshi
    Is this a not-so-subtle jab
    at their horsey faces?!
[10:25] Gin
    Wait, your underwear was
    in the pool, Fakina!
[10:29] Toshi
    You had his underwear?!
[10:30] Tetsu
    Effin'!
[10:33] Man
    What was that for?!
[10:36] Toshi
    Why are you celebrating?!
[10:38] Toshi
    Aren't you supposed to be friends?!
[10:40] Toshi
    A total stranger has joined in!
[10:43] Tetsu
    I lose, bro.
[10:44] Toshi
    To who? You're all losers in my mind.
[10:47] Tetsu
    Will you do another collaboration
    with me one day?
[10:51] Gin
    Huh? What? What was that?
[10:54] Tetsu
    B–
[10:54] Tetsu
    Bro!
[11:04] A
    Suspect arrested at 3:40 PM
[11:07] A
    for interfering with an investigation.
[11:08] Toshi
    What?
[11:10] Toshi
    You guys are...
[11:11] Isabu
    Were we not needed?
[11:14] Isabu
    Forgive me.
[11:16] Isabu
    I didn't mean to trespass on
    the Shinsengumi's territory,
[11:19] Isabu
    but I couldn't allow that
    villain to sully your name,
[11:24] Isabu
    for I am a fan of the Shinsengumi.
[11:28] Toshi
    That uniform...
[11:30] Toshi
    You guys are...
[11:31] Isabu
    I am honored, as a
    fellow defender of Edo,
[11:35] ---
    that the infamous vice
    chief recognizes us.
[11:39] Isabu
    I am the chief of the
    Mimawarigumi, Isaburo Sasaki.
[11:44] Toshi
    The Mimawarigumi...
[11:45] Isabu
    Our uniform was based off of yours.
[11:50] Isabu
    You can see that I am a rabid fan.
[11:55] Isabu
    I've added my number to your
    address book under Sabu-chan.
[11:58] Isabu
    Feel free to message me when you want.
[12:00] Toshi
    My phone!
[12:01] Isabu
    I'll add you as Toshi-chan.
[12:04] Toshi
    B-Bastard!
[12:05] Isabu
    Oh, forgive me.
[12:07] Isabu
    I don't have many friends, so
    I lost myself for a moment.
[12:11] Isabu
    Please don't get the wrong idea.
[12:13] Isabu
    Like I've been saying, I am
    a fan of the Shinsengumi.
[12:17] Isabu
    Your organization is
    a miracle in itself.
[12:21] Isabu
    Penniless beggars with no
    pedigree or training to speak of
[12:25] Isabu
    banded together to keep
    Edo safe. A touching tale.
[12:31] Isabu
    I thought you might be able to
[12:35] ---
    do something with the
    Sasaki family's failure,
[12:38] Isabu
    but it appears that he didn't
    belong with you either.
[12:43] Isabu
    I believe that the Shinsengumi require
[12:45] Isabu
    any member who breaks their
    code to commit seppuku.
[12:50] Isabu
    You don't need to fear
    the Sasaki family.
[12:52] Isabu
    Feel free to cut him
    down whenever you want.
[12:55] Isabu
    We don't need this stain on
    the Sasaki family's honor.
[13:00] Isabu
    Worry not.
[13:02] Isabu
    I've already deleted the mistress's son
[13:04] ---
    from my address book.
[13:11] Toshi
    Sorry.
[13:12] Toshi
    I deleted my address too.
[13:15] Toshi
    Along with the address of
    my excellent pupil here.
[13:18] Tetsu
    Toshi...
[13:20] Toshi
    You see, I only have
    room in my address book
[13:23] ---
    for Thorny boys.
[13:38] A
    Hey, have you heard?
[13:39] A
    The vice chief had a run-in
    with the Mimawarigumi.
[13:42] B
    I've been hearing a lot
    about them recently.
[13:45] A
    Yeah, they're a new force,
[13:48] A
    but they've already accomplished more
[13:50] A
    than a lot of other
    police organizations.
[13:52] A
    And I've heard that their chief,
    Isaburo Sasaki, is incredible.
[13:57] A
    He's the heir to the Sasaki family.
[14:00] A
    He can fight with two swords.
[14:01] A
    And his skill with the pen is no less.
[14:02] A
    A master of three weapons.
[14:04] A
    They say the Bakufu
    relies heavily on him.
[14:07] B
    Speaking of which, the vice chief's
    new assistant is a Sasaki.
[14:11] A
    Yeah, they're half brothers.
[14:15] A
    I heard that the vice
    chief was defending him.
[14:18] B
    Seriously?
[14:19] B
    I figured the vice chief
    would have gutted him
[14:21] ---
    already for his behavior.
[14:23] A
    Got that right.
[14:43] Tetsu
    Excuse me, senpai!
[14:45] Tetsu
    If it wouldn't trouble you too much,
[14:47] Tetsu
    could you allow me to use
[14:48] ---
    the vending machine behind you?!
[14:50] Both
    Huh?
[14:51] Tetsu
    My apologies.
[14:53] Tetsu
    I've been entrusted by the vice
    chief with an urgent mission.
[14:58] Tetsu
    Uh, I think he wanted Mayoston Lights.
[15:00] Tetsu
    Huh? Did he want menthols?
[15:02] Tetsu
    No, wait. There's an urban myth
[15:04] ---
    that menthols can cause impotence.
[15:06] Tetsu
    I can't let the vice
    chief become impotent!
[15:08] Tetsu
    No, wait!
[15:09] Tetsu
    Smoking is bad for the lungs,
[15:12] Tetsu
    and the smoke is harmful
    to other people,
[15:14] ---
    especially infants, children, and the elderly.
[15:17] Tetsu
    I can't let the vice chief become
    an impotent cancer-ridden murderer!
[15:20] Tetsu
    Damn! What do I do?!
[15:22] Tetsu
    I know!
[15:23] Tetsu
    If I buy him one of those instead,
[15:24] ---
    he won't become impotent!
    He'll become happy!
[15:27] Tetsu
    But wait! This is bad for kids!
[15:29] Toshi
    Just buy my damn cigarettes!
[15:32] Toshi
    And I didn't ask for
    Mayoston or menthols.
[15:34] Toshi
    I wanted Mayoboros, got it?
[15:35] Tetsu
    Yes, vice chief sir!
[15:37] B
    Uh, Vice Chief?
[15:39] Toshi
    Why are you standing around?
    I'll make you commit seppuku.
[15:41] A
    Yeah, we can do that later,
[15:44] A
    but who is that?
[15:46] Toshi
    Are you asleep?
[15:47] ---
    I already introduced him.
[15:48] Toshi
    He's my new assistant.
[15:50] Tetsu
    Tetsunosuke Sasaki!
[15:53] B
    Wait, I've never met this guy before!
[15:55] Tetsu
    I apologize.
[15:57] Tetsu
    I was embarrassed by my baby
    face, so I wore sunglasses.
[16:01] A
    Wait, sunglasses have nothing
    to do with facial hair!
[16:05] Tetsu
    After doing some thinking,
[16:07] Tetsu
    I've said goodbye to my
    old self and started anew!
[16:13] Tetsu
    I've given up on being a bad boy.
[16:15] Tetsu
    I'm moving forward from B to C.
[16:17] Tetsu
    I have matured into a cherry boy!
[16:20] B
    Uh, you're going backwards?!
[16:24] Tetsu
    From now on, I will serve the vice chief
[16:28] ---
    and help the Shinsengumi protect Edo!
[16:31] Tetsu
    Hey, show your manners.
[16:33] A
    Hey, his buddies went in the
    other direction, from B to A!
[16:36] A
    They're Akiba boys now!
[16:37] A
    You're all regressing!
[16:40] Cat
    Wait, Tetsu. Why do you keep bowing?
[16:44] Tetsu
    What? I'm trying to be sincere here.
[16:46] Band
    Are you hard?
[16:49] Tetsu
    I'm not hard!
[16:50] Tetsu
    Are you hard?!
[16:51] B
    They sound so cherry!
    Those were the days!
[16:54] Cat
    Then stand up straight.
[16:56] Tetsu
    You go first!
[16:58] Band
    Stop trying to buy time.
[17:00] Toshi
    Out of the way.
[17:04] Tetsu
    Please wait, Vice Chief!
[17:07] Tetsu
    I'm not hard!
[17:12] Kondo
    I see. Toshi did it again.
[17:16] Kondo
    Well, I could never tell if he was
    doing his job or just picking fights.
[17:21] Kondo
    He's a real troublemaker.
[17:23] Kondo
    Hey! What are you doing?!
[17:24] Kondo
    Run!
[17:25] Kondo
    If you give up, the game's over!
[17:27] Tetsu
    You don't understand.
[17:29] Tetsu
    If you and Toshi make
    an enemy of my brother,
[17:33] Tetsu
    he'll crush me and all
    of you in the process.
[17:38] Tetsu
    You should have listened to him
[17:40] ---
    and tossed my useless
    ass out on the street.
[17:43] Tetsu
    I'm sure you're all sick of me.
[17:47] Tetsu
    You wish I would go away.
[17:50] Tetsu
    I know how you feel.
[17:53] Tetsu
    That's how I've always been treated,
[17:55] Tetsu
    ever since my mother died and
[17:57] ---
    I was brought to the Sasaki home.
[18:00] Tetsu
    I've gotten used to it.
[18:03] Kondo
    You ever heard the name Thorny?
[18:06] Kondo
    It's for nasty kids that prick
    you if you get too close.
[18:11] Kondo
    That's what we called the
    bad boys where I come from.
[18:17] Kondo
    Including him.
[18:18] ---
    Thorny Toshi.
[18:20] Kondo
    He was bad enough to make
    you guys look like babies.
[18:27] Kondo
    He spent every day fighting
    thugs from the local dojos.
[18:33] Kondo
    A foolish boy who chose to live
    inside the thorny thicket.
[18:42] Kondo
    That Thorny boy must be
    possessed by a devil.
[18:45] Kondo
    That's what they all used to say.
[18:48] Kondo
    But it wasn't like that.
[18:50] Kondo
    He was no different from you.
[18:53] Kondo
    That was the only place
    he had to belong.
[18:55] Kondo
    Toshi was also the son of a mistress.
[19:02] Kondo
    His father was a rich
    farmer where we came from.
[19:06] Kondo
    Toshi was the secret son who
    didn't pop until his father died.
[19:13] Kondo
    But the oldest son,
    Tamegoro, was a good man.
[19:17] Kondo
    After Toshi lost his
    mother and his home,
[19:19] Kondo
    Tamegoro took him in
    and looked after him.
[19:22] Kondo
    Toshi was very fond of him.
[19:27] Kondo
    But it didn't end well.
[19:30] Kondo
    When he was eleven, there was
    a large fire in the village.
[19:34] Kondo
    Some brigands used this chance to break
[19:36] ---
    into their home and attack Toshi,
[19:41] Kondo
    but Tamegoro protected
    him and lost his eyes.
[19:46] Kondo
    The next thing he knew,
[19:47] ---
    the brigands were strewn
    across the floor.
[19:50] Kondo
    His siblings stared at him with fear,
[19:53] Kondo
    and the dried eyeballs on the
    floor stared at him in silence.
[20:02] Kondo
    That was when they started
    calling him Thorny.
[20:06] Kondo
    And he could no longer be
    with his beloved brother.
[20:12] Kondo
    He defended you because
    he knows how you feel.
[20:18] Kondo
    Having to endure the
    hate of your family.
[20:20] Kondo
    Being indebted to your brother.
[20:22] Kondo
    Not having a place to belong.
[20:24] Kondo
    Being an outsider.
[20:26] Kondo
    But Tetsu, even after he went astray,
[20:29] Kondo
    after he threw himself
    into the thorny bramble,
[20:33] Kondo
    he never stopped moving forward.
[20:36] Toshi
    Stronger! Become stronger!
[20:39] Toshi
    Stronger than everyone else!
[20:42] Kondo
    He couldn't get over the fact that
[20:43] ---
    he wasn't able to protect
    the people he loved.
[20:46] Yama
    Hey, hey, hey!
[20:47] Yama
    Hey, pass!
[20:47] Kondo
    We're all the same, Tetsu.
[20:49] Kondo
    We're all outsiders and failures here.
[20:53] Yama
    Hey, pass!
[20:53] Kondo
    But we never gave up on
    becoming respectable men
[20:57] Kondo
    and eventually, we made it here.
[21:01] Kondo
    That's how men find a place to belong.
[21:03] Yama
    Stop hogging the ball!
[21:05] Kondo
    You keep advancing,
[21:07] ---
    cutting your way through
    the thorny brambles,
[21:10] Kondo
    leaving a trail.
[21:11] Yama
    I'm here.
[21:12] Kondo
    Eventually, you're joined
    by others and the
[21:15] ---
    trail becomes a wide path.
[21:19] Kondo
    I can't tell you what to do now
    that your family doesn't want you.
[21:23] Kondo
    You have to choose your own path.
[21:27] Kondo
    But if you want a place to belong,
[21:29] ---
    if you want respect,
[21:31] Kondo
    you can never stop moving.
[21:40] Kondo
    Never stop walking through the thorns.
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    The situation
SIGN    suddenly gets worse!
SIGN    Thorny and Rosy
SIGN    Tetsunosuke has had a change of heart, but  a gang of bad boys is looking for trouble...
SIGN    Meanwhile, Gintoki has been taken by the  Mimawarigumi, where Isaburo asks him to go on a mission.

E245 - Thorny and Rosy
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:03] Tetsu
    My name is Tetsunosuke Sasaki
    who silences crying babies.
[00:06] Tetsu
    When I make curry, I add pickles, aye.
[00:09] Tetsu
    If someone looks evil,
    he's a buddy of mine.
[00:12] Tetsu
    We always wake up with some morning pine.
[00:14] Tetsu
    This is Isaburo Sasaki, my bro.
[00:17] Tetsu
    Head of the Mimawarigumi and always
    lookin' for a fightin' foe.
[00:20] Tetsu
    Here's Toshiro Hijikata, the boss guy.
[00:23] Tetsu
    A lot went down, but now, we fly?
[00:31] Tetsu
    I walk my life on the pedestrian road.
[00:37] Tetsu
    Got a heart of steel that will never blow.
[00:43] Tetsu
    Kou Shibasaki is my type of ho.
[00:48] Tetsu
    And that's the end of this recap, yo.
[00:55] Toshi
    How the hell was that a recap?!
[00:57] Tetsu
    Yeah.
SIGN    Thorny and Rosy
[02:53] Okita
    Welcome back, big guy.
[03:00] Okita
    That was mean of you.
[03:02] Okita
    I helped free you.
[03:08] Gin
    Oh, really?
[03:11] Gin
    But it's your fault I was
    arrested in the first place.
[03:18] Okita
    You should blame Hijikata-san
    and the rich dumbass.
[03:21] Okita
    I didn't do anything wrong.
[03:24] Gin
    Yeah, neither did I.
[03:36] Isabu
    Please do not blame the Shinsengumi.
[03:42] Isabu
    It was entirely our fault.
[03:45] Isabu
    I must apologize.
[03:47] Isabu
    I did not realize he
    was a friend of yours.
[03:51] Isabu
    I am unable to properly
    express my remorse,
[03:54] Isabu
    so could you please give
    me your e-mail address?
[03:56] Isabu
    I will send a message of apology.
[04:00] Gin
    It's Die_Elite@bocomo.ne.jp.
[04:05] Isabu
    However, my nose is supposed
    to be as sharp as a Doberman's.
[04:09] Isabu
    And I could smell great wrongdoing
    coming from your body.
[04:14] Isabu
    Hm?
SIGN    The Perfect Happiness Theory The Joi Patriot Happiness Doctrine
[04:15] Isabu
    -Oh? It took me to an odd site...
[04:15] Gin
    -What? I smell?
[04:17] Gin
    It's been two days since I washed it,
[04:18] Gin
    but I only wore it when I went
    to the convenience store.
[04:21] Gin
    It should be okay.
[04:22] Gin
    Am I okay, Okita-kun?
[04:25] Okita
    Well, this person isn't exactly
    an innocent bystander.
[04:30] Okita
    If you round to the nearest
    degree, he's a criminal.
[04:33] Gin
    Don't make it sound so bad.
[04:35] Gin
    If you start rounding, everyone's
    a criminal, you fool.
SIGN    5:00 Wake up! Borrow milk from a neighbor. Find something to eat for breakfast. Yummy 6:00-6:30 Radio exercise. Grab extra snacks. 7:00-7:30 Kidnap a cucumber and waterboard it!!
[04:41] Gin
    Kids spend their entire summer
    vacation committing crimes,
[04:43] Gin
    except when they're exercising, you fool.
SIGN    8:00-9:45 Kid Summer Specials. Salt in old wounds. Lame 10:00-11:45 Pee in the pool, and visit the girls' locker room. Titter. Eat ramen, then run out of the store.
[04:47] Isabu
    We are willing to compensate you for
[04:49] ---
    your damaged scooter or any trauma,
[04:51] Isabu
    so please indicate your desired amount
SIGN    Weekday Sale
[04:53] ---
    on the back of this flyer.
[04:56] Isabu
    I don't want you pestering us later.
[05:00] Gin
    Back of the flyer?!
[05:01] Gin
    Don't look down on us common
    folk, you elite prick!
[05:04] Gin
    You think that's enough to
    soothe the wounds to my heart?!
[05:08] Gin
    Mind if I use toilet paper?
[05:10] Gin
    I need more room to work with.
[05:12] Okita
    Big guy, you're wasting your time.
[05:15] Okita
    They'll just flush it down the toilet.
[05:18] Okita
    Please carry on.
[05:21] Okita
    I appreciate this, Sasaki-dono.
[05:24] Gin
    Hey! What are you doing?!
[05:26] Okita
    Our vice chief screwed up,
    so I guess we're even now.
[05:31] Gin
    That's bullshit! How did
    I get dragged into this?!
[05:35] Isabu
    No, we're already asking you to
[05:37] ---
    dispose of the trash that is my brother.
[05:40] Isabu
    Though I'm willing to pay extra.
[05:43] Isabu
    We'll dispose of our own trash.
[05:46] Gin
    Yeah, you fool!
[05:48] Gin
    Let this guy handle it!
[05:50] Gin
    Don't call me trash, you fool!
[05:51] Okita
    Nah, he knows that you're
    too much to handle.
[05:55] Okita
    You realize that you're supposed
    to separate your trash?
[06:03] Okita
    Your non-combustible garbage
[06:07] Okita
    turned out to be pretty burnable.
[06:11] Okita
    It started a fire that's making
    us sweat in the middle of winter.
[06:14] Okita
    Well, he won't be very useful,
[06:17] ---
    but we'll use him until he's
    reduced to a pile of ashes.
[06:20] Okita
    Oh, throw that away for me.
[06:23] Isabu
    Okita-san, I have a warning for you.
[06:27] Isabu
    Rotten trash can never be restored.
[06:31] Isabu
    Instead, it spreads contagions
[06:33] ---
    which causes everything around to rot.
[06:36] Isabu
    You should dispose of it before the
[06:39] ---
    Shinsengumi are infected.
[06:42] Okita
    Let's go, big guy.
[06:44] Gin
    I'm not going with you!
[06:46] Gin
    Give me back my ten million!
[06:48] Gin
    Hundred million, billion...
[06:50] Gin
    Huh? How many zeros were there?
[06:52] Isabu
    Are you really so desperate for money?
[06:54] Gin
    Hell yeah!
[06:56] Gin
    Unlike you rich people,
[06:57] ---
    we can barely scrape by day to day!
[07:00] Isabu
    Then I have a job offer for you.
[07:08] Toshi
    Man, you're pathetic.
[07:10] Toshi
    At this rate, you won't
    last a day against the Joi.
[07:17] Toshi
    If you don't want to die,
    you have to become stronger.
[07:19] Toshi
    Give me three thousand
    swings before dinner.
[07:22] Tetsu
    V-Vice Chief...
[07:25] Tetsu
    I-I will become stronger.
[07:29] Tetsu
    S-Stronger than my brother,
    stronger than you!
[07:35] Tetsu
    I'll never stop in my tracks again.
[07:38] Tetsu
    I'm gonna catch up to everyone else.
[07:41] Tetsu
    Walk the same path...
[07:43] Tetsu
    S-So you can also become stronger!
[07:48] Tetsu
    Your brother doesn't hate you.
[07:55] Tetsu
    I'm sure that he misses you!
[07:58] Tetsu
    After all, you did everything you
    could to protect your brother!
[08:05] Tetsu
    Your brother did everything
    he could to protect you!
[08:10] Tetsu
    The two of you are true brothers!
[08:13] Tetsu
    I envy you.
[08:15] Tetsu
    So please don't run
    away from your brother!
[08:20] Tetsu
    Aren't you known as Thorny Toshi?!
[08:30] Toshi
    Man, which idiot opened his fat mouth?
[08:34] Toshi
    Listen up.
[08:35] Toshi
    You mention that name around me again,
[08:38] Toshi
    and I'll kill you by cramming
    mayonnaise in every orifice.
SIGN    Special Police
    Shinsengumi
[08:52] Tetsu
    Excuse me!
[08:53] Tetsu
    Vice Chief!
[08:56] Tetsu
    I bought you a yakisoba sandwich!
[09:00] Toshi
    No thanks!
[09:01] Toshi
    And I didn't even ask for a sandwich!
[09:03] ---
    You have the instincts of a doormat!
[09:05] Tetsu
    Vice Chief, let me give you a back rub!
[09:07] Toshi
    No thanks.
[09:08] Tetsu
    Vice Chief, need me to
    buy you more cigarettes?
[09:10] Toshi
    No thanks.
[09:11] Tetsu
    Vice Chief, shall I
    clean your room for you?
[09:13] Toshi
    Just cut it out already!
[09:15] Tetsu
    Vice Chief, I brought you mayonnaise.
[09:18] Toshi
    Thank you. That's enough, so go away.
[09:20] Tetsu
    Vice Chief, are you hard?
[09:23] Toshi
    I said to go away!
[09:25] Toshi
    Just do as you're told.
[09:28] Toshi
    Don't be a pain in the ass.
[09:29] Tetsu
    I'm so sorry!
[09:31] Tetsu
    I wanted to make myself useful!
[09:34] Toshi
    I can't get any work done
    if you keep bugging me.
[09:36] Toshi
    Forget it.
[09:37] Toshi
    Go deliver this for me.
[09:39] Toshi
    And take your time.
[09:43] Tetsu
    Vice Chief, is this letter for...?
[09:46] Toshi
    You're going to become stronger than me?
[09:48] Toshi
    Then show me what you're made of.
SIGN    Tamegoro Hijikata
[09:57] Tetsu
    Y-Yes, sir...
[09:59] Tetsu
    I promise to deliver!
[10:11] A
    Found him.
[10:17] A
    The target is alone.
[10:19] A
    Now's our chance to take him.
[10:21] A
    He's headed your way.
[10:24] A
    Everyone ready?
[10:25] A
    Don't let that traitor get away.
[10:28] B
    Hey, newbie. He's coming our way.
[10:31] B
    Don't let him out of your sight.
[10:34] B
    Hey, did you hear me?
[10:36] Gin
    Huh? Oh.
[10:38] Gin
    Aye, aye, sir.
[10:40] B
    Can we trust him?
[10:42] B
    He isn't taking this seriously.
SIGN    From: Sabu-chan
[10:46] Isabu
    Good work.
[10:48] Isabu
    How is everything going?
[10:49] Isabu
    Drop me a message every now and then.
[10:52] Gin
    What? You want me to go undercover?
[10:54] Isabu
    Yes. You see, the
    Mimawarigumi is currently
[10:57] ---
    pursuing a certain organization.
[10:59] Isabu
    I need you to infiltrate them
    and provide us with information.
[11:03] Gin
    Which organization are you talking about?
[11:05] Gin
    I'd be up for infiltrating AKB.
[11:07] Gin
    I'll investigate their BWHs.
[11:10] Gin
    It's probably the Joi, spelled JOY.
[11:12] Gin
    Ponytail and Shoo-Shoo, right?
[11:14] Gin
    That's some Heavy Low Tension.
[11:16] Isabu
    As you already know, we are
    elite cops by the elite,
[11:19] ---
    for the elite, and of the elite.
[11:22] Isabu
    If one of our elite members were
    to attempt to infiltrate the Joi,
[11:24] Isabu
    they would immediately
    notice our eliteness.
[11:27] Gin
    Don't you ever get sick of saying elite?
[11:29] Isabu
    Do you ever get sick of saying
[11:31] ---
    that AKB's Tomomi Itano is cute?
[11:34] Gin
    That metaphor wasn't very elite.
[11:37] Isabu
    However, a nasty fellow like you
    would have no trouble taking
[11:39] Isabu
    center stage with JOY and
[11:41] ---
    becoming their number one terrorist.
[11:43] Gin
    That wouldn't make me happy.
[11:45] Gin
    I'd be arrested on the spot.
[11:48] Isabu
    Our target is the Check It Out gang.
[11:51] Isabu
    They used to be a bunch of thug
[11:53] ---
    s who dissed the Bakufu
    with their rapping,
[11:55] Isabu
    but after continued internal
    strife and expansion,
[11:58] Isabu
    they transformed into a
    group of radical rebels.
[12:01] Isabu
    The gang is now using violence.
[12:04] Isabu
    We have reports that they are planning
SIGN    Check It Out Gang
[12:07] ---
    a large-scale terrorist attack.
[12:10] Isabu
    Your mission is to make contact
[12:13] ---
    and determine the time
    and place of this attack,
[12:16] Isabu
    as well as locate their
    base of operations.
[12:19] Isabu
    It will be a dangerous mission,
[12:22] ---
    but if you complete it, we
    will buy millions of your CDs.
[12:26] Isabu
    I promise that you will place
    first in the next poll.
[12:30] Gin
    I let him fool me into this mess,
[12:33] ---
    and they already want me
    to start committing crimes.
[12:37] Gin
    Good thing I didn't bring
    Shinpachi and Kagura.
[12:39] Gin
    I don't care if they want
    revenge on a traitor,
[12:42] Gin
    but that cop better take responsibility.
[12:45] Gin
    They'll get suspicious
    if I make a fuss now.
[12:48] Gin
    Guess I don't have a choice.
SIGN    From: Sabu-chan You have a new message. Urgent.
[12:51] Gin
    What? It's him again?
[12:52] Gin
    He's such a pest.
[12:54] Gin
    I don't have time to deal with him.
[12:56] Gin
    Huh? Urgent?
[12:57] Gin
    Did something happen?
[12:59] Isabu
    One of my men, Nobutasu, brought these.
[13:01] Isabu
    So yummy.
[13:02] Isabu
    If you don't hurry back, there
    won't be any left for you, Gin-tan.
[13:05] Isabu
    P.S. If you want some, send me a message.
[13:14] Isabu
    Just kidding.
[13:15] Isabu
    We saved some for you, so work hard.
[13:18] Isabu
    I bought a good luck
    charm to keep you safe.
[13:19] Isabu
    P.S. I'm worried about your
    safety. Please send me a message.
[13:29] Isabu
    I made a teru teru bozu
    so it wouldn't rain.
[13:31] Isabu
    P.S. What's the weather like where
    you are? Please send me a message.
[13:41] Isabu
    I'm praying for you to send me a message.
[13:43] Isabu
    P.S. Rabbits can die of loneliness.
[13:48] Gin
    Friggin' pain in the ass!
[13:51] Gin
    He really wants me to send a message!
[13:52] Gin
    Damn cell phone addict!
[13:54] Gin
    He's as bad as Shoko-tan!
[13:56] Gin
    I don't have time to send you messages!
[13:58] B
    Hey, what are you yelling
    about? Calm down!
[14:03] Gin
    And why is he so hyper when
    he's sending messages?
[14:07] Gin
    He's a different person
    when writing messages?
[14:08] Gin
    I'm working here!
[14:09] Gin
    Don't interfere!
[14:10] Gin
    Huh?
[14:14] Isabu
    It's a waste of time to destroy the phone.
[14:16] Gin
    It's a waste of time to be so prepared!
[14:19] Gin
    Can you stop interfering already?!
[14:22] Isabu
    I'm not interfering.
[14:24] Isabu
    I'm calling to let you know
    that our target is almost here.
[14:28] Gin
    Target?
[14:29] Isabu
    Please. Don't dawdle or he'll get away.
SIGN    Tamegoro Hijikata
[14:32] Tetsu
    The vice chief trusted me to
    deliver this important letter.
[14:36] Tetsu
    I-I will become stronger...
[14:40] Tetsu
    S-Stronger than my brother,
    stronger than you!
[14:45] Tetsu
    He wrote a letter to help encourage me!
[14:50] Toshi
    Then show me what you're made of.
[14:53] Tetsu
    He was letting me know that
    it was my turn to shine!
[14:57] Tetsu
    Vice Chief, I promise
    to deliver this letter!
[15:01] Tetsu
    I promise to become stronger
    than everyone else!
SIGN    Special Police Shinsengumi
[15:04] Tetsu
    I will catch up to you guys!
[15:08] Toshi
    Does he even know where to find a mailbox?
[15:14] Kondo
    Don't worry.
[15:15] Kondo
    Your message was delivered.
[15:18] Kondo
    Your message got to him.
[15:22] Kondo
    He'll be...
[15:24] Kondo
    Tetsu will be fine now.
[15:33] A
    You out on an errand, Tetsunosuke-kun?
[15:36] A
    You used to be one of us, Tetsu.
[15:38] A
    We all dissed the Bakufu together,
[15:42] A
    and now you're one of its dogs.
[15:44] A
    You've really fallen, traitor!
[16:23] Isabu
    Well met. It appears we have
    a problem on our hands.
[16:27] Isabu
    Who would have thought
    that we would have to
[16:29] Isabu
    come out here for the
    sake of that failure?
[16:32] Toshi
    Did you know about his connection
    to the Joi patriots?
[16:37] Isabu
    It appears that he concealed his identity
[16:39] ---
    and met with them from time to time.
[16:41] Isabu
    A fitting place to go for
    someone with nowhere to belong.
[16:45] Isabu
    I believe that their leader,
    Eni Men, was quite fond of him,
[16:49] Isabu
    or fond of his money, I should say.
[16:51] Isabu
    But as the gang grew violent,
[16:53] Isabu
    he feared that they would learn he was
[16:56] ---
    the brother of a cop, so he ran away.
[16:59] Isabu
    In the end, there was
    nowhere for him to go.
[17:03] Isabu
    And in the end,
[17:05] ---
    his identity was revealed
    in the worst possible way.
[17:08] Isabu
    The younger brother of
    the Mimawarigumi chief
[17:10] Isabu
    and the assistant to the
    Shinsengumi vice chief.
[17:14] Isabu
    This information would
    be enough to crush two
[17:18] ---
    of Edo's strongest police forces.
[17:21] Isabu
    A rather disparate trade.
[17:23] Isabu
    To think that fool would hold as
[17:25] Isabu
    much worth as the leaders of the
    Shinsengumi and Mimawarigumi?
[17:30] Isabu
    Onward, men.
[17:32] Isabu
    We need not concern ourselves
    with the hostage.
[17:33] Isabu
    Wipe out the Joi.
[17:36] Kondo
    W-Wait, Sasaki-dono!
[17:38] Kondo
    You're going to let your brother die?!
[17:40] Isabu
    Are you telling me to negotiate
    with the terrorists?
[17:43] Isabu
    Unfortunately, my life is
    worth far more than yours.
[17:47] Isabu
    As I said before,
[17:49] ---
    rotten trash causes everything
    around it to rot.
[17:54] Isabu
    This would never have
    happened if you had disposed
[17:58] ---
    of Tetsunosuke as I advised.
[18:02] Isabu
    Please get out of the way.
[18:04] Isabu
    You should be more worried
    about yourselves.
[18:07] Isabu
    After accepting a former
    Joi as an assistant and
[18:10] ---
    allowing him to be taken hostage,
[18:12] Isabu
    you have disgraced yourselves.
[18:15] Isabu
    If you also allow a son
    of the Sasaki family
[18:17] ---
    to die in your care,
[18:19] Isabu
    how can you ever make amends?
[18:21] Isabu
    As a fan, I'm eager to see what you do.
[18:26] Toshi
    Bastard... You used him as a pawn.
[18:29] Toshi
    So you were trying to eliminate two thorns
[18:31] ---
    in your side at the same time.
[18:33] Kondo
    Stop it, Toshi!
[18:34] Toshi
    You knew this would happen,
[18:36] Toshi
    yet you're blaming it all on us.
[18:39] Toshi
    Gonna pat yourself on the back for getting
[18:40] ---
    rid of us, along with your brother?
[18:43] Isabu
    You have it all wrong.
[18:45] Isabu
    I already said that I am a big fan.
[18:48] Isabu
    But there are many incompetents who do not
[18:51] ---
    know how to handle people like you.
[18:54] Isabu
    You must realize that we are nothing more
[18:56] ---
    than cogs in a larger machine.
[18:58] Isabu
    What about me?
[18:59] Isabu
    I understand that I am
[19:01] ---
    nothing more than a
    large and superior cog.
[19:06] Kondo
    You can spend the rest of your
    life blaming other people!
[19:09] Kondo
    Toshi!
[19:12] Isabu
    If you seek my head, it'll cost
    you a few heads of your own.
[19:23] Okita
    Go ahead and draw your sword.
[19:25] Okita
    I'll jam it right up your .
[19:29] Kondo*
    S-Stop this, Toshi, Sogo!
[19:32] Kondo
    Calm down!
[19:35] Kondo
    We don't have time for this!
[19:40] A
    Conflict! War! What is it good for?
[19:43] A
    Boys! These cops are about
    to tear into each other!
[19:46] A
    Watch closely!
[19:49] A
    This should be quite the show!
[19:53] A
    Mic check, one, two.
[19:55] A
    Hurry up and do it!
[19:56] A
    Clap your hands!
[19:58] A
    Party hard!
[19:59] A
    Arms in the air!
[20:01] A
    If you keep me waiting,
    my hand might slip!
[20:04] A
    Check it out! Check it out! Check it out!
[20:08] Kondo
    Toshi!
[20:13] Isabu
    Have you lost your mind, Hijikata-san?
[20:15] Isabu
    Move out of the way.
[20:23] Tetsu
    I will become stronger.
[20:27] Tetsu
    I'm gonna catch up to everyone else.
[20:28] Tetsu
    Walk the same path...
[20:31] Toshi
    I don't want to listen to those fools,
[20:33] Toshi
    but I can't let you pass either.
[20:38] Toshi
    This is our battle.
[20:41] Toshi
    We're ready to cut our way
    through the bramble to get in.
[20:44] Toshi
    Cut our way through the
    bramble to go home,
[20:47] Toshi
    bringing him and the
    other Thornies with us.
[20:51] Toshi
    We won't let anyone through if
    they don't have what it takes.
[20:59] Toshi
    It won't be easy to get
    through these thorns.
[21:04] Isabu
    I see.
[21:06] Isabu
    While you delay us and
    draw away their attention,
[21:11] Isabu
    a small force will circle
    around and rescue Tetsunosuke.
[21:15] ---
    Is that the plan?
[21:16] Isabu
    But I also sent someone from our side.
[21:19] Isabu
    I hope she can help.
[21:23] Isabu
    Nobume is an elite assassin
    from our killing squad.
[21:27] Isabu
    But once her switch is turned on,
[21:29] Isabu
    she doesn't stop until she's
    killed everyone in the vicinity,
[21:32] Isabu
    so I'm worried that she might
[21:34] ---
    harm the hostage and the rest of you.
[21:37] Toshi
    Enough chitchat.
[21:39] Toshi
    I can't stand the sight of your face.
[21:42] Toshi
    We both have an excuse to
    eliminate the other now.
[21:45] Toshi
    You should be happy.
[21:47] Isabu
    I believe that you look like
    anything but a cop right now.
[21:51] Toshi
    Right back at you.
[21:54] Both
    -Evil bastard.
    -Evil bastard.
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Hovering on
SIGN    the verge of death...
SIGN    Festival of Thornies
SIGN    Demon vs. Monster. Hijikata  vs. Isaburo. Okita vs. Nobume.
SIGN    Shinsengumi! Mimawarigumi! Check It Out  Gang! It's all-out war between bad boys!!

E246 - Festival of Thornys
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:02] Tetsu
    My name is Tetsunosuke Sasaki
    who silences crying babies.
[00:06] Tetsu
    Graduated from bad boy to cherry boy.
[00:09] Tetsu
    A lot went down and I've
    had a change of heart.
[00:11] Tetsu
    A lot going on and I'm off to a new start.
[00:14] Tetsu
    Got a letter to deliver, quick as a dart.
[00:17] Tetsu
    But then I got my shit knocked out, yo.
[00:20] A
    Cherry boy! Cherry boy!
[00:23] B
    Cherry boy! Cherry boy!
[00:25] Tetsu
    This is my brother, Isaburo Sasaki.
[00:28] Tetsu
    He loves sending e-mails but
    he ain't got any mail buddies.
[00:31] A
    No mail buddies. No mail buddies.
[00:34] ---
    Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo!
[00:37] Tetsu
    Always ready for any situation.
[00:39] Tetsu
    His plan is to wipe everyone out, yo.
[00:43] A
    Always ready for any situation.
[00:46] B
    Ready. Ready.
[00:48] Tetsu
    Shinsengumi, Check It Out Gang, and me.
[00:51] A
    Cherry boy! Cherry boy!
[00:54] Tetsu
    Shinsengumi, Check It Out Gang, and me!
[00:57] A
    Cherry boy! Cherry boy!
[00:59] Tetsu
    Yeah.
[01:02] Toshi
    Uh, can you cut it out?
[02:35] Isabu
    A rather disparate trade.
[02:37] Isabu
    To think that fool would hold as
[02:39] Isabu
    much worth as the leaders of the 
    Shinsengumi and Mimawarigumi?
[02:43] Isabu
    Onward, men.
[02:45] Isabu
    We need not concern
    ourselves with the hostage.
[02:46] Isabu
    Wipe out the Joi.
[02:53] Okita
    Go ahead and draw your sword.
[02:54] Okita
    I'll jam it right up your .
[02:57] Toshi*
    This is our battle.
[03:00] Toshi
    We're ready to cut our way
    through the bramble to get in.
[03:03] Toshi
    It won't be easy to get through these thorns.
[03:07] Isabu
    I believe that you look like
    anything but a cop right now.
[03:12] Toshi
    Right back at you.
[03:15] Both
    -Evil bastard.
    -Evil bastard.
SIGN    Festival of Thornies
[03:47] Isabu
    Hijikata-san, do you expect
    me to take your gamble?
[03:53] Toshi
    You'll have to beat us
[03:55] Toshi
    if you want to get rid of your brother,
[03:58] Toshi
    so you don't really have a choice.
[04:01] Isabu
    If my goal is to ruin your reputation
[04:06] Isabu
    while disposing of my worthless brother,
[04:08] Isabu
    I simply have to alert those thugs to
    the small band you sent in.
[04:14] Isabu
    Once I do that, the hostage will quickly die,
[04:17] Isabu
    along with your organization,
    which caused this mess.
[04:22] Isabu
    It's very simple.
[04:24] Isabu
    Men, do not be fooled by his cheap taunts.
[04:27] Isabu
    It would be idiotic for police officers
[04:30] Isabu
    to fight each other while the enemy watches.
[04:32] Isabu
    The Mimawarigumi have a responsibility to uphold.
[04:34] Isabu
    We will not move a single step or lift a single finger.
[04:38] Isabu
    You are sadly mistaken, Hijikata-san.
[04:40] Isabu
    My goal is not to eliminate the
    Shinsengumi and my brother.
[04:45] Isabu
    It's to find a solution to this
    mess in an expedient manner.
[04:48] Isabu
    I do not wish to waste my time or people on this farce.
[04:55] Isabu
    In other words...
[04:58] Isabu
    I simply need
[05:00] Isabu
    to eliminate the thorn in my side.
[05:06] Toshi
    That's more like it.
[05:09] Toshi
    So despite being raised in a greenhouse,
[05:12] Toshi
    you haven't forgotten your primal instincts.
[05:16] Toshi
    Rosy.
[05:18] Isabu
    You're about to learn what happens
[05:22] Isabu
    when you defy the Mimawarigumi, brat!
[05:52] Kondo
    That woman's like a bringer of death.
[05:55] Kondo
    Every strike she makes is lethal.
[05:57] Kondo
    Was she trained as an assassin?
[06:00] Yama
    We don't have time to admire her technique.
[06:02] Yama
    If she attracts too much attention,
[06:04] Yama
    the enemy will realize we're here!
[06:07] Yama
    If that happens, Tetsu will be...
[06:09] Kondo
    It's not that simple.
[06:11] Kondo
    If she gets behind enemy lines,
    she might kill Tetsu!
[06:17] A
    Who are you?!
[06:18] B
    We're under atta—
[06:27] Nobu
    I knew you weren't a cop.
[06:30] Nobu
    You have the eyes of a killer,
[06:32] Nobu
    just like me.
[06:35] Okita
    Zaki, look after Kondo-san for me.
[06:39] Kondo
    Sogo! You can't mean to—
[06:41] Okita
    Kondo-san, she doesn't
    want that loser's head,
[06:45] Okita
    and she's not interested in the enemy either.
[06:51] Okita
    She wants my head.
[06:53] Nobu
    No.
[07:01] Nobu
    I want your .
[07:21] Kondo*
    We'll let Sogo handle this.
[07:23] Kondo
    Let's go!
[07:24] Yama
    Oh. Yes, sir!
[07:38] Okita
    Will your *** or my *** get busted up first?
[07:45] Okita
    Fun stuff.
[08:17] Isabu
    Dance for me.
[08:29] Isabu
    He used that shot to lead me into his attack!
[08:33] Isabu
    In that case...
[08:41] Isabu
    It's over.
[08:55] All
    Vice Chief!
[09:05] Isabu
    This farce is over.
[09:07] Tetsu
    V-Vice Chief!
[09:10] C
    F-For real?
[09:13] Em
    You did it! You really did it, Sasaki!
[09:18] C
    What's that? Why are they lining up?
[09:22] Em
    What are you people doing?!
[09:24] Em
    Aren't you worried about what
    might happen to this guy?
[09:28] Em
    Hey, hold up!
[09:30] Em
    Don't you care about your brother?!
[09:31] Em
    Stop! Stop!
[09:34] Em
    Is he serious?
[09:36] Em
    He's going to sacrifice his brother.
[09:38] Em
    So this guy is a worthless hostage?
[09:42] C
    D-Dammit!
[09:43] Em
    W-Wait!
[09:45] Em
    What about this?!
SIGN    Tamegoro Hijikata
[09:46] Em
    I already know that this is a secret message,
[09:50] Em
    since this guy was trying
    his best to protect it!
[09:54] Tetsu
    That's the vice chief's...
[09:56] Tetsu
    Stop! That letter is...
[09:59] Em
    There's a fake name on the envelope,
[10:02] Em
    but the address is the Mimawarigumi station.
[10:05] Em
    This is a letter Hijikata tried to send you!
[10:08] Tetsu
    Impossible... The vice chief's
    letter was for my brother?
[10:11] Em
    Considering the effort that went
    into disguising this letter,
[10:15] Em
    it must be important.
[10:17] Em
    Don't you care what happens to it?
[10:20] Isabu
    Oh? A letter from Hijikata-san to me?
[10:24] Isabu
    You've managed to pique my interest.
[10:27] Em
    Don't play dumb!
[10:28] Em
    Then I'll read it out loud
    for everyone to hear!
[10:33] Isabu
    Please do.
[10:36] Em
    What?!
[10:38] Em
    You've got balls.
[10:39] Em
    Then I'll read your letter!
[10:41] Em
    Let's see...
[10:42] Em
    Uh...
[10:43] Em
    Er...
[10:45] C
    The first word is "dear," boss.
[10:47] Em
    Shut up! I know that!
[10:48] Em
    Keep your mouth shut!
[10:52] Toshi
    Isaburo Sasaki-dono.
[10:54] Toshi
    Forgive me for sending this
    letter without warning.
[10:58] Toshi
    A letter addressed to the
    Mimawarigumi might cause a stir,
[11:03] Toshi
    so forgive me for using a false name.
[11:10] Toshi
    I believe that by using the name Hijikata,
[11:12] Toshi
    this letter will certainly reach your eyes.
[11:18] Toshi
    Your brother, Tetsunosuke,
    who is currently in our care,
[11:23] Toshi
    has completely changed,
[11:27] Toshi
    training hard under our watch every day.
[11:32] Toshi
    It will take some more time
    to work the damage
[11:37] Toshi
    from his lazy lifestyle out of his body,
[11:41] Toshi
    but he's doing his best to never stop,
    to keep moving forward.
[11:48] Toshi
    He's matured into a fine young man.
[11:51] Toshi
    I'm ashamed to admit that I've learned
[11:56] Toshi
    a thing or two by watching him struggle.
[12:01] Toshi
    I know that he will become a strong warrior.
[12:05] Toshi
    We will make him a strong warrior.
[12:11] Toshi
    So, when he becomes fully capable,
    please show him your approval.
[12:20] Toshi
    As his family, as his brother...
[12:23] Toshi
    Could you please accept him?
[12:27] Tetsu
    I envy you.
[12:32] Toshi
    I'm sure that's what he wants.
[12:36] Toshi
    He may complain all the time,
[12:40] Toshi
    but I know how he truly feels.
[12:57] Toshi
    Because it's too late
SIGN    Tamegoro Hijikata
[13:01] Toshi
    for me.
[13:11] Tetsu
    Vice Chief...
[13:17] Isabu
    That was a waste of time.
[13:20] Isabu
    Advance.
[13:23] Tetsu
    I-Isaburo!
[13:39] Tetsu
    Stop!
[13:41] Tetsu
    Please stop this!
[13:44] Tetsu
    Don't worry about me!
[13:48] Tetsu
    Please! Vice Chief!
[13:56] Isabu
    It seems that you're the type
[14:01] Isabu
    that keeps coming back until
    you've drawn your last breath.
[14:07] Isabu
    Get out of my way, Thorny.
[14:14] Isabu
    Fail to dodge it, and you die.
    Dodge it, and you still die.
[14:18] Isabu
    Bullet or blade. Pick your poison.
[15:08] Tetsu
    Vice Chief...
[15:14] Toshi
    You should stick to decorating walls,
[15:19] Toshi
    you dirty rose.
[15:23] Toshi
    This garden isn't for you people.
[15:30] Isabu
    You are really something, Hijikata-san.
[15:35] Isabu
    Are you saying that the safety
    of an innocent citizen
[15:37] Isabu
    is more important than the
    resolution of this crisis?
[15:40] Isabu
    No, you're merely being selfish.
[15:44] Isabu
    You aren't trying to save
    my worthless little brother.
[15:49] Isabu
    You're trying to save the worthless
    little brother of the Hijikata family.
[15:53] Isabu
    It is not our duty to redeem criminals.
[15:58] Isabu
    Our duty is to punish criminals.
[16:01] Isabu
    You can't punish a criminal
    if you fear his crime.
[16:06] Isabu
    You must be prepared to suffer
    the same punishment you deal.
[16:13] Isabu
    We can never save a single soul.
[16:17] Isabu
    We aren't even allowed the
    right to save ourselves.
[16:21] Isabu
    A cog is supposed to keep on turning.
[16:24] Isabu
    We can never stop.
[16:27] Isabu
    You're out of time, Hijikata-san.
[16:37] A
    Get 'em! Kill 'em all!
[16:48] Em
    D-Dammit!
[16:50] Em
    I'm taking you with us, then!
[16:59] Toshi
    Tetsu!
[17:14] Isabu
    Hello? This is Sabu-chan.
[17:18] Isabu
    Thank you for leading the
    Mimawarigumi here.
[17:22] Isabu
    Our ambush was a success.
[17:26] Gin
    Is my job done then?
[17:29] Isabu
    Yes, we can take it from here.
[17:34] Gin
    Really. Well, then.
[17:39] Gin
    Time to do things my way.
[17:44] Toshi
    Wh-What are you...?!
[17:48] Isabu
    Oh? You're turning on us?
[17:51] Isabu
    That's fine.
[17:52] Isabu
    I don't need a mail buddy who never replies.
[17:56] Isabu
    I don't intend on leaving
    you in my address book.
[18:03] Gin
    That's what I figured.
[18:07] Toshi
    Bastard...
[18:09] Toshi
    The Mimawarigumi's charge was
    meant to draw me up here.
[18:13] Toshi
    With the exits blocked,
    they must plan on killing us with the Joi.
[18:20] Gin
    Wait, hold on.
[18:22] Gin
    I'm not gonna side with the Shinsengumi.
[18:26] Gin
    I've never been a fan of the police.
[18:29] Gin
    Doesn't matter if you're wearing black or white.
[18:32] Gin
    But it's pretty sad when two of the
[18:34] Gin
    biggest police forces in Edo are having a childish spat.
[18:38] Gin
    We got a foolish cop who only cares
    about saving the people he knows
[18:41] Gin
    and a snappy cop who
    won't try to save anyone.
[18:45] Gin
    I don't feel like joining either side.
[18:48] Gin
    I'm gonna side with my boys here.
[18:53] Gin
    If you aren't going to save these boys,
[18:56] Gin
    I'll step in and save a few
    criminals in the process.
[19:00] Gin
    Show me what you got, Vice Chief.
[19:03] Gin
    You're first.
[19:05] Gin
    Let's see if you can take down the Joi patriot
[19:09] Gin
    known as the White Yaksha.
[19:20] Toshi
    Sasaki.
[19:21] Toshi
    You chose the wrong
    person to use as a cog.
[19:29] Toshi
    Don't bother.
[19:31] Toshi
    You don't stand a chance against
[19:36] Toshi
    the biggest thorn in the bush.
[19:38] Gin
    You're the one who's lost his
    mind over a single brat.
[19:42] Gin
    Are you too scared to fight me now?
[19:45] Gin
    Maybe I should kill the hostage
    so you can focus on the fight?
[19:49] Toshi
    Go ahead.
[19:52] Toshi
    I've done what I can.
[19:54] Toshi
    If you're saying that he's not as important
[19:56] Toshi
    as the brats standing behind you,
    go ahead and kill him.
[20:00] Toshi
    As far as I'm concerned, they're all the same.
[20:05] Toshi
    No, you and I are the same.
[20:10] Toshi
    It won't make a difference if we
    kill another kid or two now.
[20:14] Toshi
    It's too late for that now.
[20:18] Toshi
    We don't seek or expect forgiveness.
[20:23] Toshi
    And we're not interested
    in punishing criminals.
[20:27] Toshi
    So we can't punish criminals,
    and we can't redeem them,
[20:32] Toshi
    but there is something that only we can do.
[20:36] Toshi
    We can stop them from making
    the same mistakes we made.
[20:42] Toshi
    We can teach them to learn from
    those mistakes and move on.
[20:49] Toshi
    I'm not gonna give up on
    trying to save people
[20:53] Toshi
    like Mr. Smartypants over there.
[20:56] Toshi
    We brats have to stick together.
[21:01] Toshi
    But if you still want to kill him, go ahead.
[21:10] All
    Huh?
[21:14] Toshi
    You really killed him?!
[21:17] Gin
    You told me to kill him!
[21:22] Isabu
    Wrong.
[21:32] Yama
    Chief!
[21:34] Yama
    I have the hostage!
[21:37] Kondo
    Way to hang in there.
[21:39] Kondo
    No need to hold back now!
[21:41] Kondo
    Go crazy!
[21:44] Kondo
    Thornies!
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Devil
SIGN    Monster
SIGN    White Yaksha
SIGN    The Thornies
SIGN    can't be stopped!
SIGN    Letter From Thorny
SIGN    The festival has kicked into full gear as the battle nears an end. The Thorny arc ends next episode!!
SIGN    A new letter has been written. What message does it carry...?

E247 - Letter From Thorny
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:03] Tetsu
    My name's Tetsunosuke Sasaki and I'm tied up like a hog.
[00:08] Tetsu
    Been stuck like this for two weeks straight.
[00:11] Tetsu
    Somebody get me outta here, yo.
[00:13] Both
    Outta here, yo.
[00:14] Tetsu
    Collar grabbed, knife in the face, letter torn up, and shunned.
[00:20] Tetsu
    Been abused and tied up like a hog.
[00:23] Tetsu
    Been abused and strung up like a log.
[00:31] Tetsu
    Been stuck like this for two weeks straight.
[00:34] Tetsu
    Somebody get me outta here, yo.
[00:36] Both
    Outta here, yo.
[00:37] Tetsu
    Tied up and almost killed, yo.
[00:39] Tetsu
    But then my ass was saved.
[00:42] Tetsu
    My tied-up ass was saved, but then he kicked me off.
[00:48] Tetsu
    Tied up and almost killed, yo.
[00:51] Tetsu
    But then my ass was saved.
[00:53] Tetsu
    My tied-up ass was saved, but then he kicked me off.
[00:59] Tetsu
    My tied-up ass is falling.
[01:02] Tetsu
    If I fall, it's over.
[01:05] Tetsu
    Been stuck like this for two weeks straight.
[01:07] Tetsu
    Somebody get me outta here, yo.
[01:10] Both
    Outta here, yo.
[01:11] Toshi
    Hey, this is supposed to be a serious arc.
[01:13] Toshi
    Cut this shit out, yo.
[01:15] Both
    Out, yo.
[01:16] Tetsu
    Yeah.
[02:48] Gin
    Really. Well, then.
[02:50] Gin
    Time to do things my way.
[02:54] Gin
    Show me what you got, Vice Chief.
[02:57] Gin
    You're first.
[02:59] Gin
    Let's see if you can take down
[03:01] ---
    the Joi patriot known as the White Yaksha.
[03:03] Toshi
    I'm not gonna give up on trying to
[03:05] ---
    save people like Mr. Smartypants over there.
[03:06] Toshi
    We brats have to stick together.
[03:11] Toshi
    But if you still want to kill him, go ahead.
[03:16] All
    Huh?
[03:19] Toshi
    You really killed him?!
[03:21] Gin
    You told me to kill him!
[03:25] Isabu
    Wrong.
[03:28] Yama
    I have the hostage!
[03:31] Kondo
    Way to hang in there.
[03:33] Kondo
    Go crazy!
[03:36] Kondo
    Thornies!
SIGN    Letter From Thorny
[03:44] Isabu
    It was a feint!
[03:45] Isabu
    Pay them no heed!
[03:46] Isabu
    Kill them and the terrorists!
[04:00] A
    Ch-Chief!
[04:02] A
    The windshield is cracked!
[04:03] A
    And we can't see anything through the smoke!
[04:07] B
    Cut 'em down!
[04:08] B
    Where are they?! Where did they go?!
[04:19] D
    They're hiding in the smoke!
[04:27] Em
    I got it!
[04:29] Em
    We can escape while the police are killing each other!
[04:32] A
    How?
[04:34] A
    We can't see anything in this smoke!
[04:36] Em
    The hole!
[04:36] ---
    We can escape through the hole that was opened by the explosion!
[04:44] Okita
    And one!
[04:48] Okita
    And two!
[04:49] Okita
    And three!
[04:51] Em
    Wait!
[04:51] Okita
    And four!
[04:52] Em
    It's an SM batting cage down here!
[04:52] Okita
    And five!
[04:54] Okita
    Six.
[04:55] Okita
    Seven.
[04:55] Em
    We got a total sadist batting down here!
[04:56] Okita
    Eight.
[04:58] Okita
    Nine.
[04:58] A
    I've never heard of an SM batting cage!
[04:59] Okita
    Ten.
[05:02] Em
    And we got another one starting a rally!
[05:06] Em
    Hey, what kind of game is this?!
[05:08] Em
    Some new SM sport?!
[05:11] Okita
    And 19, 20, 21,
[05:14] Okita
    22, 23,
[05:15] Okita
    24.
[05:17] B
    Th-The stairs!
[05:18] B
    The Mimawarigumi isn't watching them right now!
[05:19] B
    -Hurry up!
[05:19] Yama
    -And one.
[05:21] Yama
    And two.
[05:22] Yama
    And three.
[05:24] Yama
    And four.
[05:25] Yama
    And five.
[05:27] Yama
    And six.
[05:27] Emi
    Wait! It's an anpan factory over here!
[05:28] Yama
    And seven.
[05:29] Yama
    And eight.
[05:30] Emi
    Turn back!
[05:31] Yama
    And nine.
[05:31] Emi
    Head for the pole outside!
[05:32] Yama
    And ten.
[05:35] Both
    Huh?
[05:36] Kondo
    And one.
[05:38] Kondo
    And two.
[05:39] Kondo
    And three.
[05:41] Emi
    We can't use it!
[05:42] Kondo
    And four...
[05:43] Emi
    The gorilla keeps sliding up and down!
[05:45] Emi
    He's enjoying the stimulation to his crotch!
[05:49] Emi
    What the hell do we do?!
[05:50] Emi
    There's nowhere to run!
[05:53] Isabu
    Fire.
[05:55] A
    But we won't be able to tell friend from foe!
[05:58] Isabu
    It doesn't matter.
[05:59] Isabu
    Every moving body is a foe!
[06:01] A
    I can see black uniforms!
[06:03] A
    Fire!
[06:04] B
    Wait!
[06:05] B
    The Shinsengumi have already been defeated.
[06:08] Isabu
    Is anyone moving?
[06:10] A
    Nobody.
[06:12] A
    There's one friendly...
[06:15] A
    Hijika...
[06:20] A
    A grenade!
[06:22] A
    Evasive maneuvers! Quick!
[06:28] B
    Can't pull up! Mayday! Mayday!
[06:31] A
    Eject! Hurry!
[07:14] Okita
    Looks like they're finished over there.
[07:17] Okita
    We should also be...
[07:21] Nobu
    It's not over.
[07:26] Nobu
    Never sheathe your sword
[07:28] ---
    before you've dispatched your target.
[07:31] Nobu
    Isn't that right, killer?
[07:36] Okita
    You're better at killing buildings than people.
[07:44] Okita
    I don't carry a sheath.
[07:48] Okita
    Maybe you have a good place to stick my sword?
[07:57] Okita
    Don't get too worked up.
[08:00] Okita
    You aren't my target.
[08:03] Okita
    Sorry, but I took the last one from you.
[08:14] Okita
    You and your big sword
[08:20] Okita
    belong in there.
[08:23] Okita
    The perfect sheath to rest
[08:27] ---
    our dull edge.
[08:38] A
    Ch-Chief!
[08:41] A
    The building collapsed!
[08:42] B
    It's one thing after another!
[08:44] B
    What's going on?!
[08:46] Toshi
    Help...
[08:48] Toshi
    Summon reinforcements!
[08:53] A
    Hurry!
[09:03] A
    Ch-Chief!
[09:04] A
    The terrorists have been tied up!
SIGN    We surrender.
[09:07] A
    They've given themselves up.
[09:10] A
    H-However, we don't see the Shinsengumi anywhere!
[09:13] B
    No, they're lying on the roof!
[09:17] A
    Wait, look!
[09:19] A
    These are Mimawarigumi officers in Shinsengumi uniforms!
[09:22] A
    W-We can't find them!
[09:24] A
    The Shinsengumi and the hostage have vanished!
[09:32] Isabu
    I see.
[09:34] Isabu
    They've likely disguised themselves as Mimawarigumi officers
[09:36] Isabu
    to fool our advance force
[09:39] Isabu
    and trick our helicopter into shooting our own men.
[09:43] Toshi
    But since there wasn't much space on the roof,
[09:48] Toshi
    we can tell the inspectors
[09:50] ---
    that the Joi were responsible for everything.
[09:55] Yama
    And while the Shinsengumi
[09:57] ---
    were responsible for instigating the fight,
[10:00] Yama
    the Mimawarigumi attacked first.
[10:03] Yama
    The responsibility is all yours.
[10:07] Kondo
    What do you think?
[10:08] Kondo
    The crisis has been averted,
[10:11] Kondo
    and there's enough credit to go around.
[10:13] Kondo
    Why don't you call this a draw and back down?
[10:21] Toshi
    How about it, Chief?
[10:28] Isabu
    Secure the terrorists.
[10:31] Isabu
    That will do.
[10:32] Isabu
    You can have the hostage.
[10:34] Isabu
    This crisis is over.
[10:40] Toshi
    You have my gratitude, Chief.
[10:45] Isabu
    No, we will both be working hard to keep the peace in Edo.
[10:51] Toshi
    Yeah, we'll try not to get in the way of your elite asses.
[10:56] Isabu
    Don't be so humble.
[10:58] Isabu
    You are just as elite.
[11:05] Isabu
    An elite thorn in my side.
[11:15] Kondo
    Toshi, are you sure about leaving the terrorists with them?
[11:19] Toshi
    Don't worry.
[11:21] Toshi
    They won't kill people who have surrendered.
[11:26] Toshi
    I'll put in a word with Matsudaira about their punishment.
[11:30] Yama
    But everyone will be talking about the Mimawarigumi now.
[11:33] Yama
    They took all the glory.
[11:36] Toshi
    That's not true.
[11:38] Toshi
    After all,
[11:41] Toshi
    we landed ourselves the jackpot.
[11:43] Toshi
    Isn't that right, White Yaksha?
[11:46] Gin
    That's former White Yaksha!
[11:47] Gin
    I saved your asses back there,
[11:49] ---
    and now you're turning on me?!
[11:50] Toshi
    I knew there was something fishy about you,
[11:52] Toshi
    but I never dreamed that you were
[11:55] ---
    a big-name Joi like Katsura.
[11:57] Gin
    Former big name!
[11:58] Gin
    You know that I'm a model citizen now!
[12:03] Yama
    We can charge him with attempted murder.
[12:05] Yama
    He kicked Tetsu off the roof.
[12:07] Gin
    Okay, fine!
[12:09] Gin
    So I'm a former Joi!
[12:12] Gin
    But so is this boy here!
[12:14] Gin
    Right, Tetsu-kun?
[12:15] Gin
    If you start digging into the past, everyone will look like a criminal!
[12:18] Gin
    If you're gonna arrest me, you better arrest him!
[12:20] Tetsu
    He's right!
[12:22] Tetsu
    Allow me to take responsibility!
[12:24] Tetsu
    I will commit seppuku!
[12:25] Gin
    What?!
[12:27] Tetsu
    This crisis was my fault!
[12:30] Gin
    No, er, wait!
[12:31] Gin
    That wasn't my goal here!
[12:32] Tetsu
    I was afraid to tell everyone,
[12:35] ---
    to tell the vice chief, that I was a former Joi.
[12:39] Tetsu
    But my secret led to this mess!
[12:43] Tetsu
    I knew nothing!
[12:45] Tetsu
    I envy you.
[12:48] Tetsu
    So please don't run away from your brother!
[12:52] Tetsu
    I thought I could offer you advice,
SIGN    Tamegoro Hijikata
[12:54] Tetsu
    but I couldn't even deliver your letter!
[12:59] Tetsu
    Not to your brother...
[13:02] Tetsu
    Not to mine...
[13:05] Toshi
    You can always deliver another one.
[13:09] Toshi
    And this time, you can write it yourself.
[13:12] Toshi
    Didn't you promise that you
[13:14] ---
    were going to become stronger than me?
[13:16] Toshi
    It's your turn now.
[13:19] Toshi
    You might not get the message to your brother.
[13:22] Toshi
    But your dirty bros here can hear you loud and clear.
[13:30] Kondo
    Yeah, but some of them probably can't read.
[13:38] Toshi
    Tetsu, we'll always be waiting for your letter.
[13:44] Toshi
    Never forget that.
[13:48] Tetsu
    Vice Chief!
[13:49] Kondo
    Hey, Toshi!
[13:50] Kondo
    Toshi!
[14:07] Taka
    Fishing in a pile of rubble?
[14:10] Taka
    You're pretty whack,
[14:14] ---
    Mr. Triple Threat.
[14:17] Taka
    So? Catch anything?
[14:20] Isabu
    Yes,
[14:22] ---
    using cheap bait.
[14:24] Isabu
    But I released my catch.
[14:25] Isabu
    Since it would have been a waste to devour it now.
[14:29] Taka
    Are you sure?
[14:31] Taka
    Don't you owe it to the Bakufu heads who are backing you?
[14:39] Isabu
    I have no intention of starting a turf war on broken land.
[14:44] Isabu
    The Sasaki family is doomed to fall.
[14:47] Isabu
    In that case, I will continue to use what bait I can.
[14:51] Isabu
    If he can provide me entertainment, so much the better.
[14:55] Isabu
    I now know that there are some dirty fish
[14:58] ---
    waiting out there in this sea of rubble.
[15:05] Taka
    So you're saving the best for last?
[15:08] Isabu
    I'm sure we'll meet again.
[15:13] Isabu
    Once we clear the rubble from this land,
[15:18] Isabu
    we get to see how the fish act out of water.
[15:23] Isabu
    I can't wait.
[15:32] Gin
    Man, why do I have to do this?
[15:35] Tetsu
    Don't say that!
[15:37] Tetsu
    I'm the one who vouched for your innocence!
[15:40] Gin
    I was innocent to begin with!
[15:42] Gin
    I saved your asses back there!
[15:45] Tetsu
    Please! You're the only person I can ask!
[15:48] Tetsu
    I'll pay you!
[15:52] Tetsu
    I finally finished my letter.
[15:55] Gin
    Huh?
[15:56] Tetsu
    This time, I'm going to deliver it!
[15:59] Gin
    Who's the letter for?
[16:01] Tetsu
    The vice chief wrote a letter to my brother for my sake.
SIGN    Tamegoro Hijikata
[16:05] Tetsu
    So it's my turn now...
[16:07] Gin
    Huh? A letter for a dead person?
[16:10] Gin
    The hell is wrong with you?
[16:11] Gin
    What's the point?
[16:14] Tetsu
    Please, I want to return the favor.
[16:17] Tetsu
    So I must tell his brother that the vice chief is doing well.
[16:21] Gin
    You must be joking.
[16:22] Gin
    This is so funny it's sad.
[16:25] Tetsu
    Uh, I believe the vice chief's brother's grave is over...
[16:29] Tetsu
    Huh?
[16:30] Tetsu
    Somebody's already there.
[16:33] A
    Oh? This is unusual.
[16:36] A
    Normally, there's only one other person who comes to visit.
[16:39] Tetsu
    Huh? A-Are you his brother's...?
[16:42] Tetsu
    Oh, I'm, well...
[16:47] A
    Oh, that letter.
[16:49] A
    I understand now.
[16:51] A
    You came to deliver his letter.
[16:54] A
    He always leaves his letters here without a word.
[16:58] Tetsu
    Huh? You mean the vice chief?
[17:01] A
    Yes, once every month.
[17:04] A
    When my husband was still alive, he always looked
[17:07] ---
    forward to Toshi's letters.
[17:09] Tetsu
    Th-Then the vice chief and his brother were talking to one another?
[17:13] A
    Only through their letters.
[17:15] A
    The last time they met was many years ago.
[17:18] A
    Yes, I believe it was the day before he left
[17:20] ---
    for Edo with Kondo-san and his friends.
[17:23] A
    We hadn't heard from him in years,
[17:24] ---
    but then he suddenly showed up.
[17:26] A
    But he refused to talk to his brother.
[17:29] A
    They ate dinner in silence and drank in silence.
[17:34] Tame
    Toshi, send letters.
[17:40] A
    And then he left in silence.
[17:42] A
    After that, he would send a letter every month.
[17:47] A
    His brother was so thrilled.
[17:50] A
    He couldn't see, yet he was always so eager.
[17:54] A
    Has Toshi's letter come yet? Has Toshi's letter come yet?
[17:59] A
    That's why I continue to read these letters for him.
[18:10] A
    Though he's still a stubborn and tight-lipped boy in his letters.
[18:16] A
    I suppose his brother, blind as he was, could see something in him.
[18:19] A
    Their bond needed no words.
[18:23] A
    No, I'm sure that brothers, family,
[18:30] A
    just want to hear that you're still alive.
[18:39] A
    Dear, you have another letter from Toshi.
[18:44] A
    Here it is.
[18:46] A
    Oh?
[18:49] Gin
    You failed to deliver your letter again.
[18:52] Gin
    Are you okay with that?
[18:54] Tetsu
    It's okay.
[18:55] Tetsu
    Now that I've seen his letters, I would be
[18:56] ---
    too embarrassed to show his brother my letter.
[18:59] Tetsu
    The vice chief and his brother were always linked.
[19:05] Tetsu
    After hearing that, I'm content.
SIGN    Greater Edo Hospital
SIGN    From Thorny
[19:45] Toshi
    Damn.
SIGN    To Thorny
[19:48] Toshi
    Can't think of anything to write.
[22:21] A
    Ask Mr. Ginpachi!
[22:25] Gin
    Okay. I'll read the next postcard.
[22:29] Gin
    This is from someone with the pen name Akari-san.
[22:31] Gin
    Hello, Mr. Ginpachi.
[22:33] Gin
    There's a question that's been bugging me.
[22:35] Gin
    Hijikata-san said that he would quit
[22:37] ---
    smoking in the Ooey-gooey Balls episode, right?
[22:42] Gin
    But I keep seeing him with white sticks in his mouth.
[22:47] Gin
    Why is that?
[22:49] Gin
    Is he trying to maintain his image?
[22:51] Gin
    Are you the same, Mr. Ginpachi?
[22:53] Gin
    I don't have a problem with smoking,
[22:56] ---
    but please let me know if there is a reason.
[23:00] Gin
    Okay, here's your answer.
[23:02] Gin
    People who try to quit smoking always fail.
[23:06] Gin
    I'm sure that Hiroshi Tachi will prove that soon,
[23:09] ---
    so keep an eye out.
[23:12] Gin
    By the way, this is a lollipop in my mouth.
[23:16] Gin
    Did anyone forget?
[23:20] Mino
    Welcome to Who Wants to Be a Madaonaire.
[23:22] Mino
    The unemployed and middle-aged Taizo Hasegawa
[23:25] Mino
    will be attempting to win an unheard of amount of money!
[23:30] Madao
    Next time:
[23:30] Madao
    Madaodog Madaonaire.
SIGN    Madaodog Madaonaire
[23:32] Madao
    Is that your final answer?
SIGN    Trace back through your hazy memories for a chance to turn your life around!!
SIGN    What will the Madao inside Madao declare to be his final answer?!

E248 - Madaodog Madaonaire
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    2012 Kabuki District
SIGN    Who Wants To Be A Madaonaire
[01:46] N
    Taizo Hasegawa.
[01:49] N
    He's one question away from becoming a Madaonaire.
[01:52] N
    Why did he choose to continue?
[01:54] N
    A: Because he wears sunglasses.
[01:57] N
    B: Because he has no job.
[01:59] N
    C: Because this show is rigged.
[02:02] N
    D: Because he is a Madao.
SIGN    Madaodog Madaonaire
[02:11] A
    Hasegawa!
[02:13] A
    Hasegawa!
[02:14] A
    Hasegawa, it's headed your way!
[02:18] B
    Catch it!
[02:21] B
    You better catch it!
[02:26] C
    How could you drop it?!
[02:29] A
    Hey! It's you kids again!
[02:32] B
    The guards are here!
[02:35] A
    Wait up!
[02:51] Nomi
    Middle-aged dumb-ass oldies,
[02:53] Nomi
    also known as Madaos!
[02:55] Nomi
    Do you want another chance at life?!
[03:00] Nomi
    Do you want to climb up the ladder?!
[03:04] Nomi
    Do you have the courage to fight back?!
[03:10] Nomi
    This is the show for saving middle-aged dumb-ass oldies!
[03:13] Nomi
    Who Wants To Be A Madaonaire?
[03:19] Nomi
    Hello. I am your host, Nomi.
[03:24] Nomi
    The Madao who makes it to the very end of the game
[03:30] Nomi
    will receive ten million!
[03:33] Nomi
    Which Madao will walk away with the money, into a brand new life?
[03:36] Nomi
    Which of the many Madaos in Edo has been given a chance?
[03:41] Nomi
    Come on down!
[03:43] Nomi
    Middle-aged darn-amazing oldie!
[03:49] Nomi
    Our first contestant lives
[03:51] ---
    on a bench next to the Kabuki District, Hasegawa Taizo-san.
[03:56] Nomi
    38 years old. Unemployed.
[04:00] Madao
    Ow!
[04:03] Nomi
    It's a pleasure, Hasegawa-san.
[04:06] Madao
    Why am I here?
[04:09] Madao
    That's what I want to know.
[04:11] Madao
    When I woke up, I was lying in the middle
[04:13] ---
    of a dump like a worn-out rag.
[04:16] Madao
    All I could remember was that I had lost everything,
[04:19] ---
    that I was trash...
[04:21] Madao
    But I held something in my clenched fist!
SIGN    Who Wants To Be A Madaonaire?
    Golden Ticket
    A dream come true for Madaos around the country.
[04:26] Madao
    A single ray of light in this filthy dump.
[04:30] Madao
    Where did it come from?
[04:32] Madao
    I couldn't remember, but I followed the light here.
[04:38] Madao
    There's one thing I could remember clearly.
[04:42] Madao
    My thirst for the ten million.
[04:46] Madao
    I'm going to take advantage of this last chance I've been given
[04:51] Madao
    and climb out of the garbage heap!
[04:55] Nomi
    And so, our contestant was a respectable public servant,
[04:58] Nomi
    but then he lost his job, lost his wife, and now he's a Madao!
[05:02] Nomi
    Will he be able to claim the ten million and start anew?
[05:07] Nomi
    His fate rests upon this game show!
[05:11] Nomi
    His quest for the ten million begins with the first question for one hundred thousand!
[05:16] Nomi
    First question!
[05:18] Nomi
    What was the nickname given to the eighth Tokugawa shogun,
[05:22] Nomi
    Yoshimune, who introduced the Kyoho reforms?
[05:25] N
    A: Tyrant Shogun
[05:27] N
    B: Winter Shogun
[05:28] N
    C: Rice Shogun
[05:30] N
    D: Money Shogun
[05:31] Madao
    Uh...
[05:32] Madao
    This sounds really familiar!
[05:36] Madao
    But I can't remember!
[05:37] Madao
    Where have I heard this before?!
[05:38] Madao
    Search my memories!
SIGN    Temple School
[05:43] Madao
    It was...
[05:44] Madao
    It was when...
[05:45] A
    And these were the Kyoho reforms.
SIGN    New wage system Rice contributions Tax policy
[05:49] A
    After introducing these reforms, Yoshimune became known as...
[05:52] Madao
    Oh, that's it!
[05:54] Madao
    I learned about this in class at temple school!
[05:56] A
    Hm, Hasegawa, answer this question.
[05:58] A
    What was Yoshimune known as?
[06:00] Madao
    He called on me!
[06:02] Madao
    D-Does the young me know the answer?
SIGN    History
[06:04] Boy
    U-Uh...
[06:06] Madao
    It's over! He's eating his lunch!
[06:09] Madao
    He wasn't even listening to the teacher!
[06:11] Madao
    Damn, how am I supposed to know the answer?
[06:13] Boy
    Uh...
[06:18] Madao
    Huh?
[06:19] Madao
    Who's this cute girl?
[06:21] Madao
    I don't remember her sitting next to me.
[06:25] A
    You have rice on your face.
[06:28] A
    Correct.
[06:29] A
    He was known as the Rice Shogun, just like you.
[06:33] Madao
    Yeah, he's the Rice Shogun!
[06:36] Madao
    And I don't recall experiencing this bittersweet episode?
[06:40] Madao
    I sat next to this cute girl?
[06:43] Madao
    Who is she?
[06:45] Madao
    I can't remember.
[06:46] Madao
    Can't remember her name or anything...
[06:49] Boy
    Teacher, there's an old man struggling outside!
[06:53] A
    Stop him!
SIGN    C: Rice Shogun.
[06:56] Madao
    I'm over there?!
[06:58] Nomi
    Correct!
[06:59] Nomi
    The answer is C: Rice Shogun!
[07:01] Nomi
    Hasegawa-san gets his hundred thousand!
[07:05] Nomi
    Oh, Hasegawa-san?
[07:06] Nomi
    Are you unhappy about answering correctly?
[07:09] Madao
    No wonder I couldn't remember her name.
[07:11] Madao
    I was watching the scene from a completely different place.
[07:14] Madao
    That brought back some bad memories...
[07:16] Nomi
    Next, we'll move on to the question for five hundred thousand!
[07:22] Madao
    The battle's just begun!
[07:24] Madao
    Pull yourself together!
[07:25] Madao
    I don't have time to mope around!
[07:28] Nomi
    Second question!
[07:29] Nomi
    In the Battle of Sekigahara,
[07:32] Nomi
    which general betrayed the western army
[07:33] Nomi
    and ensured the eastern army's victory?
[07:35] N
    A: Tokunaga Hideaki
[07:37] N
    B: Kobayakawa Hideaki
[07:39] N
    C: Takizawa Hideaki
[07:41] N
    D: Sorachi Hideaki
[07:42] Madao
    Uh...
[07:44] Madao
    I think I've heard this one before, too!
[07:46] Madao
    Where?!
[07:47] Madao
    Where did I hear it?!
[07:48] Madao
    Try to remember!
[07:51] Madao
    It was when...
[07:54] A
    I see. Then we'll take a vote.
SIGN    Life Lessons
[07:57] Madao
    Yes! This was definitely something I learned at temple school!
[08:00] Madao
    I'm sure of it!
[08:01] A
    Will you eat the piggy yourselves,
[08:03] ---
    or will you feed it to the lion?
[08:06] A
    As you were the ones who raised him, you must decide yourselves.
[08:09] Madao
    That's a pretty brutal life lesson!
[08:11] B
    Teacher! We can't do it!
[08:13] Madao
    Of course!
[08:14] B
    We like steak more than pork chops!
[08:17] Madao
    That's why you're crying?!
[08:19] C
    Yeah! I'm sure lions like beef more than pork!
[08:23] Madao
    What are they supposed to be learning here?
[08:26] Madao
    Oh, I remember raising various animals at temple school.
[08:31] Madao
    I learned many difficult life lessons that
[08:34] ---
    I've completely forgotten.
[08:36] B
    At the moment, the vote is evenly split.
[08:38] B
    Oh, Hasegawa.
[08:40] B
    What's your vote?
[08:42] Madao
    Hm? Me?
[08:44] Madao
    Which side did I choose?
[08:46] Madao
    Please spare me!
[08:49] Madao
    That's my final answer!
[08:51] A
    How can you betray us at the last second?!
[08:54] B
    Are you supposed to be Kobayakawa Hideaki?!
SIGN    B: Kobayakawa Hideaki
[08:58] Madao
    They were raising a bum, not a pig.
SIGN    Off seven days a week.
[09:01] Nomi
    Correct!
[09:02] Nomi
    The five hundred thousand yen is yours!
[09:05] Nomi
    Hasegawa-san is advancing towards the prize!
[09:08] Nomi
    Yet he looks to be upset every time he gives a correct answer.
[09:13] Madao
    I-I was going to do some hanging around,
[09:17] Madao
    when someone stopped me and made me a pet.
SIGN    Chicken   Pig    Rabbit
[09:20] Madao
    But I never expected to be used in a lesson for kids.
[09:24] Madao
    Well, I was doomed to die either way.
[09:28] Madao
    B-But every time I reflect upon my memories,
[09:31] ---
    I uncover another hidden trauma.
[09:34] Madao
    I climb towards the light in the future,
[09:37] Madao
    but the darkness in my past drags me down.
[09:40] Madao
    Don't try to stop me!
[09:43] Madao
    The ten million yen will be mine!
[09:49] Nomi
    That brings us to the third question, for one million yen!
[09:53] Nomi
    These Shock Stickers are all the rage in Edo right now!
[09:56] Nomi
    Which of the following characters has their hair parted 7:3?
[10:00] N
    A: Little Fatty
[10:01] Madao
    He suddenly switched categories!
[10:01] N
    B: Cool Body Fat
[10:03] N
    C: Fried Chicken Angel
[10:03] Madao
    I-I won't be able to search my life for the answer to this question!
[10:06] N
    D: Super Glasses
[10:07] Madao
    Wait, is there an answer inside me?
[10:11] Madao
    Even when I've never heard these names before?
[10:15] Chi
    Sorry, Piggy.
[10:17] Chi
    They're so mean.
[10:19] Chi
    Arguing about whether or not they should eat you after I saved you.
[10:22] Chi
    Something's wrong with them.
[10:23] Chi
    I-It's her.
[10:25] Chi
    The Rice Shogun girl!
[10:27] Chi
    She freed me from the school execution?!
[10:32] Madao
    This is the second time you've saved me.
[10:36] Madao
    Why are you helping me?
[10:40] Chi
    You remind me of my dad.
[10:43] Chi
    My dad used to do a lot of hanging around, the way you do.
[10:47] Chi
    But I would always stop him.
[10:51] Chi
    He ran off, leaving behind his debts.
[10:54] Chi
    Mom and I have no money, but it's okay.
[11:00] Chi
    As long as we know he's still alive,
[11:02] ---
    we can keep on going.
[11:05] Chi
    My dream is to become a massive-asset dat-ass object, or Madao,
SIGN    Who Wants To Be A Madaonaire?
[11:11] Chi
    and participate in this.
[11:13] Chi
    I'll be able to pay off our debts,
[11:15] Chi
    and Dad might come back after he sees me on TV.
SIGN    A: Dat ass
[11:19] Chi
    So I have to study hard at temple school!
[11:23] Chi
    But if I run into a question I don't know,
[11:29] Chi
    it'll be your turn to save me.
[11:33] Chi
    I'll use a lifeline to call you.
[11:36] Chi
    So please tell me the answer.
[11:42] Madao
    Yes, I made a promise to her.
[11:47] Madao
    But before she had a chance to become a massive-asset
[11:51] Madao
    dat-ass object, or Madao, the phone rang.
[12:00] A
    Hey, it's for you, Hasegawa-san.
[12:02] A
    Someone keeps asking for Piggy.
[12:05] A
    If she knows this number, she must be an acquaintance of yours.
[12:09] Madao
    Huh?
[12:10] A
    I can't understand you if you keep crying.
[12:14] Madao
    Hello?
[12:17] Madao
    Hey, what's wrong? What happened?
[12:19] Chi
    Piggy...
[12:21] Chi
    When I came home from school, Mom was...
[12:23] Chi
    Mom was lying on the floor.
[12:26] Chi
    I keep shaking her, but she won't wake up!
[12:30] Chi
    What should I do?
[12:32] Chi
    Tell me, Piggy... Piggy...
[12:35] Madao
    I failed as her lifeline.
[12:39] Madao
    All I could do was stare at the stickers on the phone.
SIGN    Little Fatty
[12:46] Nomi
    Hasegawa-san chooses A: Little Fatty.
[12:50] Nomi
    Is that your final answer?
[12:55] Hasegawa
    That is my final answer.
[13:08] Nomi
    We'll tell you if he's right after the break!
[13:18] Nomi
    Correct!
[13:20] Nomi
    A: Little Fatty!
[13:21] Nomi
    Hasegawa-san has answered three questions correctly!
[13:23] Nomi
    He's made it to one million yen!
[13:26] Nomi
    Oh! He's fainted!
[13:28] Nomi
    Hasegawa-san has looked pale after every correct answer,
[13:30] ---
    and now he's collapsed!
[13:33] Madao
    H-How could that have happened?
[13:35] Madao
    How could I have forgotten?
[13:39] Madao
    I'm such a Madao.
[13:43] Madao
    No more...
[13:45] Madao
    I don't want to learn how pathetic I am.
[13:49] Madao
    This is where I belong.
[13:52] Madao
    I don't have the right to escape the garbage dump.
[13:54] A
    Hey, are you okay?
[13:57] B
    Take him to the infirmary!
[13:59] Madao
    Don't have... Don't have the right...
[14:04] Madao
    Please give me the next question.
[14:08] Nomi
    He stood up!
[14:09] Nomi
    After fainting and coughing up blood, he continues on!
[14:12] Madao
    I'm okay!
[14:14] Nomi
    He wants the ten million really bad!
[14:17] Madao
    I want the ten million...
[14:19] Madao
    You bet.
[14:20] Madao
    I may have lost my will to live,
[14:22] ---
    but my desire for the ten million remains.
[14:25] A
    This guy's pretty tough.
[14:27] B
    Start making the questions harder.
[14:29] B
    It's time to get rid of him.
[14:30] Madao
    But I no longer know why I want the money or who it's for...
[14:36] Nomi
    Question four!
[14:37] Nomi
    Name this constellation.
[14:39] N
    A: Toilet Minor
[14:40] Madao
    I can't quit until I've figured that out...
[14:41] N
    B: Brave Exkaiser
[14:42] N
    C: Summer Visor
[14:48] Chiharu
    It's so warm inside this cardboard box.
[14:52] Chiharu
    It's like a play castle.
[14:55] Chiharu
    This is fun!
[15:00] Madao
    Was she forcing herself to sound happy,
[15:03] Madao
    or was she actually enjoying herself?
[15:07] Chiharu
    Piggy, I get to sleep while looking up at the stars.
[15:11] Chiharu
    It's like we're camping.
[15:14] Chiharu
    Do you know what that constellation is?
[15:18] Madao
    She was always smiling.
SIGN    A: Toilet Minor
[15:22] Nomi
    Correct!
[15:26] Nomi
    Question five!
[15:27] Nomi
    Which of the following bento is the most popular at 8-11?
[15:31] Madao
    This was all I could manage to do for her...
[15:34] Nomi
    Oh, this is the one that everyone says is really good!
[15:38] Nomi
    It still looks safe to eat.
[15:43] Nomi
    C-Correct!
[15:45] Nomi
    Question six!
[15:46] Nomi
    Which gachapon is very popular with the kids right now?
[15:49] Madao
    Keep looking.
[15:50] Chiharu
    Uh-huh.
[15:52] Chiharu
    Look! This is the one you wanted!
[15:56] Madao
    She always had a smile on her face.
SIGN    A: Kinniguman
[16:00] ---
    Correct!
[16:03] Madao
    I was supposed to be helping her smile,
[16:05] Madao
    but it was the other way around.
[16:09] Chiharu
    Piggy, I've always dreamed about this.
[16:12] Madao
    Huh?
[16:13] Chiharu
    Cooking for Dad when he came home early
[16:18] Chiharu
    and chitchatting.
[16:20] Madao
    Did you call me Dad?!
[16:22] Chiharu
    We might live in a cardboard house
[16:24] ---
    and drink tea from empty cans
[16:26] Chiharu
    while Dad is always home,
[16:28] Chiharu
    but I'm having a lot of fun right now.
[16:32] Chiharu
    This is the first time I've felt at home.
[16:39] Chiharu
    So...
[16:40] Chiharu
    I'll give this to you.
SIGN    Who Wants To Be A Madaonaire? Golden Ticket A dream come true for Madaos around the country.
[16:43] Madao
    Isn't that...
[16:45] Chiharu
    It's okay now.
[16:47] Chiharu
    I got to see Dad...
[16:53] Madao
    Hey!
[16:54] Madao
    Hang in there! Hey!
[16:56] Madao
    Hey!
[16:58] Madao
    Come on!
[16:59] Dad
    I'm terribly sorry.
[17:02] Dad
    I never dreamed that my wife and daughter
[17:05] ---
    would fall ill while I was away.
[17:07] Dad
    I should not have insisted on staying away until I found a proper job.
[17:12] Dad
    I'll find a way to pay their hospital bill...
[17:19] Madao
    Money doesn't matter.
[17:22] Madao
    Who gives a damn if you have debts?
[17:29] Chiharu
    This is the first time I've felt at home.
[17:33] Madao
    It doesn't matter if you live in a dump, as long as you're together.
[17:39] A
    Sorry to interrupt, but we're debt collectors.
[17:45] B
    Don't give me that crap!
[17:48] B
    A piece of shit like you is gonna guarantee their debt?!
[17:53] Madao
    I promise to pay it off.
[17:55] Madao
    So stay away from that family.
[17:57] C
    A bum like you won't have enough money!
[18:01] D
    You know where to get some?
[18:03] Madao
    You bet.
[18:05] Madao
    I've got this piece of paper I dug out of the trash.
[18:08] A
    That's bullshit!
[18:11] Nomi
    Correct!
SIGN    D: Wriggled around
[18:13] Nomi
    Our contestant is on a roll!
[18:14] Nomi
    Answering one question after another!
[18:16] Nomi
    Hasegawa-san has finally reached seven million five hundred thousand yen!
[18:19] Nomi
    He's one question away from ten million!
[18:21] A
    I-Impossible!
[18:22] A
    How was he able to answer that question?!
[18:24] B
    Who is this Madao?!
[18:26] B
    Hey! Find an impossible question to give him!
[18:29] Nomi
    He no longer has a pained expression on his face.
[18:33] Nomi
    What has come over him?!
[18:37] Madao
    Heh, nothing's changed.
[18:39] Madao
    But I've finally remembered.
[18:42] Madao
    I can accept my failures, my pathetic life.
[18:48] Madao
    I realize that I'm a hopeless Madao!
[18:53] Madao
    Since I forgot a very important promise.
[18:57] B
    Use this question!
[18:58] B
    This tiny article in today's paper!
[19:00] B
    I'm positive that Madao hasn't read it!
[19:06] Nomi
    Here is the final question, for ten million yen!
[19:10] Nomi
    This is it!
[19:11] Nomi
    What is the name of the first victim of the new contagious virus,
[19:16] Nomi
    MADAO 49, who was able to make a full recovery
[19:20] ---
    after treatment on another planet?
[19:23] N
    A: Nakajima Tomoko
[19:25] N
    B: Sakurajima Chiharu
[19:27] N
    C: Kato Shizue
[19:29] N
    D: Terashima Kyoko
[19:31] Nomi
    This is a tough one!
[19:33] Nomi
    Can Hasegawa-san answer the question and win ten million yen?!
[19:38] Madao
    Excuse me, can I use a lifeline?
[19:41] Madao
    I'd like to call someone.
[19:42] Nomi
    Hasegawa-san immediately uses a lifeline!
[19:45] Nomi
    But do any of his friends know the answer to this question?!
[20:06] Nomi
    Nobody's picking up.
[20:10] Nomi
    Too bad!
[20:15] Madao
    Yeah, hello?
[20:19] Madao
    Yeah, it's me.
[20:22] Madao
    Sorry about taking so long to call.
[20:25] Madao
    This is...
[20:28] Madao
    This is Piggy's final answer.
[20:36] Madao
    Live a happy life with your mom and dad, Chiharu.
SIGN    B: Sakurajima Chiharu
[20:42] Nomi
    Correct!
SIGN    Congratulations!!
[20:50] Nomi
    He's done it!
[20:52] Nomi
    Hasegawa-san has won the ten million!
[20:56] Nomi
    Our contestant was acquainted with the girl in the final question!
[21:00] Nomi
    A miracle phone call!
[21:01] Nomi
    Endless cheers for our Madao!
[21:02] Nomi
    No, he is no longer a Madao!
[21:05] Nomi
    He is a Miracle Madao who's made it to the top!
[21:12] A
    Damn, I'm impressed.
[21:14] A
    Then we'll be taking the prize money, big guy.
[21:18] Madao
    You can call me Madao.
[21:21] Madao
    I still have much to learn
[21:25] A
    Don't be so modest.
[21:26] A
    There aren't many people who can pay off ten million so easily.
[21:31] A
    I hope you can be as quick on the rest of the debt.
[21:35] Madao
    Huh?
SIGN    Taizo Hasegawa is one question away from becoming a Madaonaire. Why did he choose to continue?
SIGN    A: Because he wear sunglasses.
    C: Because this show is rigged.
SIGN    B: Because he has no job.
    D: Because he is Madao.
[21:37] A
    The rest of the debt. Twenty million.
[21:41] A
    I'm counting on you.
[21:43] Madao
    What?!
SIGN    D: Because he is a Madao.
SIGN    D: Because he is a Madao.
SIGN    Next Time
[23:20] Kagura
    What was that, you stupid curlyhead?!
[23:23] Shin
    Cut it out already!
[23:24] Gin
    Huh? Why are you so mad?
[23:25] Both
    Eh?! Do you realize how many weeks it's been since we were last on screen?!
[23:29] Gedo
    It's been two years for me.
[23:31] Both
    Oh...
SIGN    Presents Are Meant To Be Given Early
[23:32] Gin
    Next time:
[23:32] Gin
    Presents are meant to be given early.
SIGN    Shinpachi and Kagura haven't said a word since the Chageath Note episode.
SIGN    What is the definition of a regular cast member? Nobody even cares anymore.

E249 - Presents Are Meant To Be Given Early
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Shinpachi Shimura
    Visits the World
[00:01] Shin
    Oh, hello. This is Shinpachi Shimura.
[00:03] Shin
    The Odd Jobs member who hasn't
    been on screen for a month.
[00:08] Shin
    In this show, I usually
    play a straight man.
SIGN    Filmed in Tokyo
[00:18] Shin
    Hey!
[00:19] Shin
    Cut it out!
[00:21] Shin
    This is supposed to be anime!
[00:22] Shin
    It's been weeks since my last appearance!
[00:23] ---
    You could at least draw me!
[00:25] Shin
    I'm easier to draw than the
    pattern on Gin-san's clothes!
[00:27] Shin
    I take less lines to draw
    than the Shinsengumi uniform!
[00:30] Shin
    When did I go from someone recognized
    by his glasses to just glasses!
[00:34] Gin
    Well, at least you aren't
    recognized by your nipples.
[00:36] Shin
    There aren't any Jump characters
    recognized by their nipples!
[00:38] Shin
    And there never will be!
[00:39] Shin
    This doesn't count as
    a live-action segment!
[00:41] Shin
    The only thing glasses and nipples
[00:42] ---
    have in common is the fact
    that they come in pairs!
[00:46] Kagura
    You finally get some screen
    time and all you do is blab.
[00:50] Shin
    That's not my fault!
[00:51] Shin
    How am I supposed to stay quiet?!
[00:53] Shin
    Hey! Hold on!
[00:54] Shin
    It's been a while, so
    let me rant some more!
SIGN    The End Glasses provided by Animate Costume Museum ACOS
[02:29] Ana
    Today will be the coldest
    day yet this winter.
[02:33] Ana
    Make sure you dress warmly
[02:36] ---
    so you don't catch a
    cold before Christmas.
[02:38] Gin
    You got it!
[02:39] Ana
    Please have a wonderful day!
[02:43] Gin
    I will!
[02:44] Kagura
    Go find work, you bum.
[02:47] Shin
    Gin-san, it's a little early for you
    to be making so much noise over there.
[02:51] Gin
    Ana Ketsuno is talking to me.
[02:53] ---
    I can't just ignore her.
[02:55] Kagura
    He's been like this ever
    since that Onmyoji mess.
[02:58] Kagura
    He thinks that Ana Ketsuno is
    talking to him through the TV.
[03:02] Kagura
    That smile is for me.
[03:04] ---
    Her words are for me.
[03:06] Kagura
    He's out of his mind.
[03:08] Shin
    Hey, you sound like a pathetic fan.
[03:11] Shin
    That's the kind of stuff stalkers say.
[03:14] Gin
    But she was looking at me.
[03:17] Gin
    What do you want me to do?
[03:18] Kagura
    Are you stupid?
[03:20] Kagura
    She's not going to fall for you
    because you helped out once.
[03:23] Kagura
    TV personalities go out
    with baseball players
[03:27] Kagura
    and have shotgun marriages
    with J Leaguers.
[03:29] Kagura
    They're brutal athletes who
    chase more balls than the players.
[03:33] Kagura
    They wouldn't be interested
    in your dirty balls.
[03:36] Gin
    Ana Ketsuno is different!
[03:38] Gin
    She's as stoic as the pit traps
    in the Road to Rhone, you idiot!
[03:45] Ana
    It's time for today's black horoscope!
[03:48] Ana
    Today's lucky sign is
[03:50] Ana
    Libra.
[03:53] Ana
    Yes, you with the curly hair, dumb face,
[03:56] ---
    and a toothbrush in your mouth.
[03:58] Gin
    H-Hey, look!
[03:59] Gin
    She's talking about me!
[04:00] Gin
    Who else could she mean?!
[04:02] Ana
    You just might receive a
    wonderful present today.
[04:05] Ana
    Something good will come.
[04:06] Gin
    P-Present?
[04:08] Gin
    Like a love, love letter?
[04:11] Ana
    And your lucky item is a bright red...
[04:15] Gin
    Bright red?
[04:18] Gedo
    Club.
[04:21] Gin
    Saber!
[04:25] Shin
    Y-You're...
[04:28] Gedo
    It's been a while, Gintoki-sama.
[04:31] Shin
    Gedomaru-san!
SIGN    Presents Are Meant To Be Given Early
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan Snack Otose
[04:39] Gin
    Uh...
[04:41] Gin
    So what?
[04:42] Gin
    You're the wonderful present?
[04:45] Gedo
    I'm not a present.
[04:47] Gedo
    I have merely returned.
[04:49] Gedo
    As I said before, the pact
    makes you my other master.
[04:55] Gedo
    I have merely come back to where I belong.
[04:58] Gedo
    Please make yourself at home.
[05:02] Gin
    Uh, that's what your master
    is supposed to say!
[05:04] Gedo
    Oh, were you having breakfast?
[05:07] Gedo
    Sorry, now it looks like
    I'm here for a free meal.
[05:12] Gedo
    Then I'll help myself.
[05:15] Gin
    That's not breakfast!
[05:16] Gin
    Why are you here?!
[05:18] Gin
    How is this a wonderful present?!
[05:20] Gin
    This is like Zombie Express.
[05:22] Kagura
    Gin-chan, who is she?
[05:24] Shin
    Huh? You don't remember her?
[05:27] Shin
    This is the shikigami Gedomaru-san.
[05:30] Shin
    You just mentioned the battle
[05:32] Shin
    between Ana Ketsuno's family, the
    Ketsuno clan, and the Shirino clan.
[05:37] Shin
    This is Ana Ketsuno's shikigami
    who fought alongside Gin-chan.
[05:40] Kagura
    Oh, she's that one girl.
[05:42] Kagura
    There was a lot happening near
    the end of the first season,
[05:46] ---
    so I forgot about her.
[05:48] Shin
    What's that?!
[05:49] Shin
    That sounds like something one of the
[05:51] ---
    staff members on this show would say!
[05:55] Kagura
    This is all I really
    remember from that arc.
[05:57] Shin
    That dumb joke?!
[05:58] Kagura
    So why is a character
    from the first season
[06:00] Kagura
    showing up around the same
    time two years later.
[06:03] Gin
    She probably tried to sneak in an
    appearance since we're busy again.
[06:08] Gin
    Nobody invited you here.
[06:09] Gin
    Pay me for the damage to the TV and scram!
[06:11] Gin
    That's an order!
[06:14] Gedo
    Then...
[06:15] Gedo
    Please sign here and then we can
SIGN    Shikigami Divorce Gedomaru Gintoki Sakata
[06:17] ---
    let our lawyers work out the details.
[06:19] Gedo
    How does two hundred million
    sound as a settlement?
[06:21] Gedo
    It's not easy for a shikigami
    who's been divorced.
[06:25] Gin
    Why are you making it sound
    like this is a marriage?!
[06:27] Gin
    Is this some kind of new scam?!
[06:29] Gedo
    That's too bad.
[06:32] Gedo
    I came here to make Christel-sama happy.
[06:35] Gedo
    Sigh, if you had cooperated,
[06:38] ---
    Christel-sama would have fallen
    head over heels for you.
[06:42] Gin
    H-Hold on!
[06:43] Gin
    What did you just say?
[06:45] Gin
    Hey! Wait up!
[06:46] Gin
    Please wait, my master!
[06:51] Gin
    Huh?
[06:52] Gin
    A Christmas present?
[06:55] Gedo
    That's right.
[06:57] Gedo
    We shikigami wish to give
    our master a present
[07:01] ---
    to show our appreciation.
[07:03] Shin
    Shikigami?! Isn't that
    the wrong religion?!
[07:06] Shin
    And aren't demons supposed
    to be anti-Christmas?!
[07:10] Kagura
    Don't bring that up, Shinpachi.
[07:13] Shin
    Huh? Really?
[07:14] Kagura
    First, you should mention how this is a
    weird time to air a Christmas episode.
[07:18] Kagura
    They should have used Valentine's
    or White Day instead.
[07:22] Shin
    You weren't supposed to say that!
[07:23] Shin
    Everybody knows that Jump and the
    anime are on different schedules!
[07:27] Shin
    We aired a Christmas episode
    in March two years ago!
[07:31] Shin
    And when the second season started,
[07:33] ---
    we aired a New Year's episode in April!
[07:35] Shin
    Anyway, enough about Christmas.
[07:38] ---
    What's the problem?
[07:40] Gedo
    As you already know, I
    am a combat shikigami.
[07:44] Gedo
    I don't know what present
    will make her happy.
[07:48] Gedo
    So...
[07:50] Gin
    I see.
[07:51] Gin
    So you wanted advice from
    the natural playboy Gin-san.
[07:56] Shin
    Gedomaru-san, he spends his time
    playing pachinko by himself.
[08:01] Gin
    Well, in that case, I'm
    willing to help you out,
[08:05] Gin
    but what do I get out of it?
[08:07] Gedo
    I'll hand your present to Christel-sama too.
[08:11] Gin
    Aha! That works!
[08:13] Gin
    Hey, I thought you were
    just a rotten joke,
[08:16] ---
    but you have a sweet side.
[08:18] Kagura
    I'm impressed. You can be cute.
[08:21] Gedo
    It's like watching Gian
    in Doraemon movies.
[08:24] Gedo
    One day of agony and
[08:26] ---
    the other 364 days of
    tyranny are forgiven.
[08:30] Shin
    She's rotten to the core!
[08:33] Shin
    Oh, well.
[08:34] Shin
    Let's get going then!
[08:36] Shin
    I'll buy something for Sis!
[08:37] Kagura
    Hey, that's no fair!
[08:39] Kagura
    Gin-chan, please buy me something!
SIGN    Santa Festival
[08:42] Kagura
    Hey, there's a Santa Festival over there!
[08:45] Shin
    I'm sure we'll find some wonderful
    presents there, Gedomaru-san!
[08:48] Shin
    What are you two doing? Hurry up!
[09:00] A
    Lombroso.
[09:15] Gedo
    What's wrong, you guys?
[09:17] Shin
    Uh, well...
[09:19] Shin
    I thought we were heading
    towards a Santa Festival?
[09:23] Shin
    I could have sworn there was a Santa
    Festival here a few seconds ago.
SIGN    Satan Festival
[09:29] Both
    Huh?
[09:30] Gedo
    Oh, you must have read the sign wrong!
[09:33] Shin
    The hell we did!
[09:34] Shin
    When did Santa turn into Satan?!
[09:37] Shin
    Where did all these evil
    creatures come from?!
[09:39] Shin
    This is like an anti-Christmas pow-wow!
[09:43] Gedo
    It appears after sensing my vast power,
[09:46] Gedo
    they broke through the barrier
    and opened the gates.
[09:49] Gedo
    We are currently standing where
    the Santa Festival is being held,
[09:53] Gedo
    but we are in a completely
    different dimension.
[09:56] Gedo
    The demon world.
SIGN    Beware of pets!
[09:57] Shin
    This show is turning into
    a different anime again!
[10:00] Gin
    Pachi-boy, check it out.
[10:02] Gin
    They mixed up Christmas and Halloween.
[10:05] Shin
    Mixed them up?!
[10:06] Shin
    They're the real deal!
SIGN    Satan Festival
[10:08] Shin
    We've ended up in a Satan Festival
    instead of a Santa Festival!
[10:11] Shin
    We don't have time to look
    for Christmas presents!
[10:14] Kagura
    Does it even matter?
[10:15] Kagura
    It's like the difference
    between Hagiwara and Ogiwara.
[10:17] Shin
    They're completely different!
[10:19] Gin
    Santa and Satan.
[10:20] Gin
    One brings dreams, the
    other brings despair.
[10:24] Gin
    They're more or less the same.
[10:25] Shin
    They're not the same!
[10:26] Shin
    If you consider them similar,
    everything's similar!
SIGN    Roast Minotaur
[10:28] Kagura
    I want some minotaur!
[10:30] Gedo
    As expected, Gintoki-sama
    does not fear any devil.
[10:34] Shin
    Don't just admire him!
[10:35] Shin
    We're in trouble!
[10:36] Shin
    We can leave, right?!
[10:38] Shin
    We're safe, right?!
[10:39] Gedo
    Actually, the foreign devils
    have been invading our turf,
[10:41] Gedo
    much like what is happening
    in the real world.
[10:44] Gedo
    Satan's getting a little cocky.
    I should teach him a lesson.
[10:48] Shin
    Stop it! That's not our style!
[10:49] Shin
    Let Jump Square handle that!
[10:52] Gedo
    You're right.
[10:53] ---
    But we might find a good present here.
[10:56] Shin
    It seems rather inconsiderate to purchase
[10:58] ---
    a Christmas present in the demon world!
[11:00] Gedo
    Darkness makes light brighter!
[11:04] Shin
    There's only darkness here!
[11:05] Shin
    Right now, our futures and your
    character are completely dark!
[11:08] Kagura
    Hey, Gedomaru. How's this?
[11:12] Kagura
    We can give it to Ana Ketsuno.
[11:13] Shin
    We're looking for a Christmas present!
[11:16] Kagura
    But it's a cross.
[11:17] Shin
    With a monster impaled on it!
[11:20] Fra
    I'm not a cross.
[11:22] Fra
    I'm Frankenfurt.
[11:24] Fra
    I keep evil spirits away.
[11:25] Shin
    What's a Frankenfurt?!
[11:27] Shin
    How can you keep evil spirits
    away when you're an evil spirit?!
[11:29] Gedo
    Mind if I test it?
[11:32] Fra
    Oh, go ahead.
[11:37] Gedo
    No good.
[11:38] Gedo
    It couldn't keep me away.
[11:40] Gedo
    Next.
[11:41] Shin
    What kind of test was that?!
[11:42] Kagura
    How about this then?
[11:44] Kagura
    Ana Ketsuno won't have any trouble
    on her demon day of the month.
[11:47] Shin
    Why?! Why would you buy
    demon goods for Christmas?!
[11:50] Shin
    And what is her demon day of the month?!
[11:52] A
    This is a hot item right now.
[11:54] A
    That demon has the smile of an angel.
[11:56] Shin
    You're a demon for trying to buy
    this as a Christmas present!
[12:01] Gedo
    Mind if I test it?
[12:03] A
    Oh, go ahead.
[12:04] Shin
    How are you going to test it?!
[12:09] Gedo
    No good.
[12:11] Gedo
    It couldn't beat the weight.
[12:13] Gedo
    Next.
[12:14] Shin
    You're missing the point!
[12:15] Gin
    Hey, Gedomaru.
[12:17] Gin
    How about this?
[12:18] Gin
    For Ana Ketsuno.
[12:21] Shin
    All that does is wash her ass!
[12:23] Gin
    No, that's not all it does.
[12:25] Shin
    That wouldn't even hit anything!
[12:27] Shin
    What happened to Christmas?!
[12:30] Gin
    She'll feel refreshed
    after washing her ass.
[12:33] Shin
    How will that bring a Merry Christmas?!
[12:34] A
    Big guy, this here is an
    acid shower toilet that can
[12:38] ---
    wash away any fucking shit.
[12:40] Shin
    Do you people think Ana
    Ketsuno has a dirty ass?
[12:43] Gedo
    That looks dangerous,
    so mind if I test it?
[12:46] Shin
    You should stop. You should
    stop, Gedomaru-san.
[12:51] Gedo
    Okay, next.
[12:52] Shin
    You didn't even test it!
[13:15] Gin
    It's not easy to find a
    present for Ana Ketsuno.
[13:20] Shin
    Uh, let's just forget about Ana Ketsuno.
[13:24] Shin
    We should also forget about Christmas.
[13:26] Shin
    We really don't have time for this.
[13:28] Gin
    You keep complaining.
[13:30] Gin
    Help us look, Pachi-boy.
[13:31] Shin
    Uh, I'm busy playing the straight man.
[13:34] Kagura
    Shinpachi, do you know what
    people who watch Gintama
[13:36] Kagura
    in countries that don't follow the
    concept of straight men say about you?
[13:40] Kagura
    Why does that glasses
    kid keep yapping away?
[13:42] Shin
    Which country is that?!
[13:44] Shin
    You people don't realize
    how important my role is!
[13:46] Kagura
    If you're mad, find a different
    way to distinguish yourself.
[13:50] Shin
    Okay, but we're stuck
    in the demon world...
[13:52] Shin
    Oh, excuse me.
[13:54] Shin
    Oops, my lips just brushed
    against someone else's lips.
[13:58] Gin
    What are you doing, Shinpachi?
[13:59] ---
    That's just merchandise.
[14:01] Kagura
    What are those? They're gross.
[14:04] Gin
    They look kind of familiar...
[14:07] Gin
    Hey, Shinpachi.
[14:16] Shin
    Pa...
[14:17] Shin
    Pandemonium-san.
[14:23] Pan
    I-It can't be...
[14:26] Shin
    Why are you here?
[14:30] Shin
    You disappeared before my eyes...
[14:36] Shin
    How can you be here?
[14:38] Pan
    Sh-Shinpachi-kun...
[14:42] Shin
    Pandemonium-san...
[14:45] Shin
    Pandemonium-san!
[14:48] Pan
    Sh-Shinpachi-kun!
[14:56] Shin
    Why?!
[14:58] Gedo
    Well, you were acting so stupid
    that I couldn't help myself.
[15:01] Shin
    I'm gonna kill you, bitch!
[15:03] Shin
    Give her back!
[15:04] Shin
    Give me back my Pandemonium-san!
[15:06] Gedo
    Um, excuse me.
SIGN    Yummy Pandemonium
[15:07] Gedo
    Can I get a Pandemonium?
[15:10] Gedo
    I'm sure that everyone's hungry.
[15:12] Shin
    You're going to eat her?!
[15:17] Shin
    She did it...
[15:19] Shin
    She ate her right before my eyes.
[15:29] Gedo
    It's not easy to find a present.
[15:33] Gedo
    I never thought that giving someone
    something was so difficult.
[15:38] Gedo
    This shows that I'm a heartless creature.
[15:41] Gedo
    It was too early for
    me to try to be human.
[15:45] Kagura
    Hey, get a hold of yourself.
[15:47] Kagura
    Aren't you trying to be a movie Gian?
[15:49] Kagura
    The point is that a heartless bastard
[15:50] ---
    like you is even bothering
    to find a present.
[15:52] Shin
    Are you trying to make
    her feel better or worse?
[15:54] Gin
    How's this sound?
[15:55] ---
    Let's try looking for something
    you want for a while.
[15:59] Gedo
    Huh?
[16:00] Gin
    You won't get anywhere wondering
    what she might like.
[16:04] Gin
    So start by thinking about what
    you would like as a present.
[16:09] Gedo
    But Christel-sama and I
    have different tastes...
[16:11] Gin
    Just choose something.
[16:22] Gedo
    Then I choose this.
[16:29] Shin
    Uh, what are we going to do, Gin-san?
[16:31] Shin
    What is that?
[16:32] Kagura
    Oh, it's a hair ornament.
[16:34] Shin
    A hair ornament?
[16:35] Shin
    More like what used to
    be under someone's hair.
[16:38] Gin
    Would you be happy if
    someone gave that to you?
[16:50] Gedo
    No, any present from Christel-sama
    would make me happy.
[16:54] Gin
    There you have it.
[16:57] Gin
    Hey, pops. I'll take
    this snappy headdress.
[16:59] Shin
    Hey, Gin-san!
[17:04] Gin
    Two of them.
[17:05] Gin
    I'm also buying one,
    so give me a discount.
[17:07] Gin
    If she doesn't like it, I'll blame you.
[17:10] Gin
    Make sure you give her
    that one so you match.
[17:16] A
    Sorry, big guy. I can't sell that to you.
[17:19] Gin
    Huh?
[17:21] A
    I don't sell anything to humans.
[17:24] A
    But I can throw together
    some cheap ornaments...
[17:28] A
    ...from your skulls!
[17:37] A
    This is brilliant!
[17:39] A
    Some humans ended up here.
[17:42] B
    Their skulls should fetch a pretty penny.
[17:44] C
    I want their arms.
[17:45] D
    I want their heads.
[17:47] E
    I want their nails!
[17:55] Shin
    Gin-san! What do we do?!
[18:12] Gedo
    Oh, he was right.
[18:15] Gedo
    A free hair ornament.
[18:17] Shin
    I can't tell who's the bad guy here!
[18:20] A
    I-Impossible!
[18:22] A
    There's a Japanese demon with them!
[18:24] A
    A crazy one!
[18:25] B
    She's a devil-class!
[18:26] C
    H-Hurry! Call for Lord Satan!
[18:29] D
    A Japanese devil is invading!
[18:31] D
    This is war!
[18:38] Gin
    Gedomaru...
[18:40] Gedo
    I'm sorry about dragging you into this.
[18:45] Gedo
    But I'm glad.
[18:48] Gedo
    Now I understand why humans give presents.
[18:56] Gedo
    I thought it would be a chore,
    but it wasn't too bad.
[19:01] Gedo
    Next time, I'll choose my present myself
[19:05] Gedo
    since I now know that it's
    meaningless otherwise.
[19:10] Gedo
    Gintoki-sama, I was the one who received
[19:14] ---
    a wonderful present today.
[19:18] Gedo
    Until we meet again.
[19:28] Shin
    Huh?
[19:29] Shin
    Wait a sec.
[19:30] C
    There they are! They're
    the ones, Lord Satan!
SIGN    Satan Festival
[19:33] Shin
    Wait! Hey! Take us with you!
SIGN    Santa Festival
[19:42] Ana
    Today will be the coldest
    day yet this winter.
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan Snack Otose
[19:46] Ana
    The cold isn't going away, so
    make sure you don't catch a cold.
[19:50] Ana
    Christmas may be over, but
    you want to stay vigilant.
[19:54] Ana
    Make sure you dress warmly
    when you go outside.
SIGN    For my master.
[19:59] Ana
    Have a wonderful day.
[20:03] Ana
    Be careful!
[20:05] Both
    We will!
SIGN    Pandemonium in the Air
[22:01] Shin
    Pandemonium-san...
[22:03] Shin
    Will I ever see you again?
[22:06] Shin
    Pandemonium-san...
[22:08] Shin
    I would give anything to see you
    one more time, Pandemonium-san...
[22:12] Kagura
    Gin-chan, it looks like Shinpachi
[22:14] ---
    left his soul back in the demon world.
[22:17] Gin
    Once he notices the women around him
[22:20] Gin
    instead of focusing on the
    woman he can never have,
[22:22] Gin
    he'll man up.
[22:24] Kagura
    Do you mean me? That's gross.
[22:27] Gin
    No, you're out of the question.
[22:28] Kagura
    But it can't be that easy to find someone.
[22:33] Kagura
    We're talking about Shinpachi here.
[22:34] Gin
    Fine, I'll lend a hand then.
[22:37] Shin
    -Pandemonium-san...
[22:37] Pan
    -I wanted to see you...
[22:40] Shin
    -Pandemonium-san...
[22:40] Pan
    -I wanted to see you...
[22:42] Pan
    I wanted to see you...
[22:44] Shin
    That voice...
[22:45] Shin
    P-Pandemonium-san...
[22:48] Shin
    Huh?
[22:50] Shin
    She looks different...
[22:51] Pan
    I wanted to see you...
[22:52] Pan
    I wanted to see you...
[22:54] Pan
    I wanted to see you...
[22:55] Pan
    Yes!
[22:56] Pan
    We Pandemoniums have come to see you.
[23:00] Pan
    PDN48!
[23:04] Gin
    Lucky you, Sakaguchi-san.
[23:14] Kagura
    Lucky you.
[23:16] Shin
    Yes!
SIGN    The End
SIGN    Next Time
[23:20] Kagura
    Hey, Gin-chan.
[23:21] Kagura
    What's inside a New Year's envelope?
[23:23] Kagura
    Do you know?
[23:24] Kagura
    Do I get an envelope?
[23:26] Gin
    Uh...
SIGN    New Year's Envelopes Are  Perfect for Dirty Jokes
[23:28] Gin
    Next time:
[23:28] Gin
    New Year's envelopes are
    perfect for dirty jokes.
[23:31] Kagura
    Um, that doesn't answer my question.
SIGN    This episode was about Christmas, so the  next one has to be about New Year's!!
SIGN    After some anguish... Kagura finally receives her envelope?

E250 - New Year's Envelopes Are Perfect for Dirty Jokes
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    New Year's Envelopes Are  Perfect for Dirty Jokes
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
    Snack Otose
[01:50] Kagura
    Gin-chan, Gin-chan.
[01:52] Kagura
    Give me my New Year's envelope!
[02:03] Kagura
    Give me my New Year's envelope.
[02:08] Kagura
    New Year's envelope—
[02:09] Gin
    Where did you pick up that nasty habit?
[02:13] Gin
    A young lady shouldn't
    be begging for money.
[02:18] Kagura
    But everyone else was doing it.
[02:20] Kagura
    They said that grown-ups
    on Earth somewhere
[02:22] ---
    are supposed to give us New Year's envelopes.
[02:25] Kagura
    Hey, Gin-chan.
[02:26] ---
    What's inside a New Year's envelope?
[02:29] Kagura
    Hey, give me a New Year's envelope!
[02:34] Gin
    Are you sure you want one?
[02:37] Kagura
    Yup. I don't know what a New Year's
    envelope is, but it's free.
[02:42] Gin
    You won't regret your decision?
[02:45] Kagura
    Huh?
[02:46] Gin
    Are you prepared to accept
    a New Year's envelope,
[02:52] ---
    no matter what may happen?
[02:54] Kagura
    Don't scare me.
[02:55] Kagura
    It can't be that big a deal.
[02:58] Kagura
    Gin-chan?
[03:03] Kagura
    Gin-chan...?
[03:12] Kagura
    Gin-chan!
[03:14] Kagura
    Are you okay, Gin-chan?!
[03:18] Kagura
    Hang in there!
[03:19] Kagura
    What... What's wrong?
[03:23] Kagura
    Gin-chan!
[03:31] Gin
    Take these...
[03:34] Gin
    Th-They were inside my
    New Year's envelope.
[03:39] Kagura
    Gin-chan!
[03:41] Kagura
    G-Gin-chan, what are these?
[03:43] Kagura
    What is a New Year's
    envelope supposed to be?!
[03:49] Kagura
    H-Have I taken something very,
    very important from you?
[03:56] Gin
    I-It's okay...
[03:57] Gin
    I always knew this day would come.
[04:02] Gin
    To be honest, I was always afraid.
[04:06] Gin
    Afraid that you would ask
    for a New Year's envelope...
[04:10] Gin
    That our lives would fall apart...
[04:14] Kagura
    I-I'm sorry, Gin-chan.
[04:17] Kagura
    I had no idea!
[04:19] Kagura
    I didn't realize New Year's
    envelopes were such a big deal!
[04:22] Kagura
    I don't need one then!
[04:23] Kagura
    I don't need these mochi balls!
[04:28] Kagura
    So, Gin-chan...
[04:30] Gin
    Kagura, this is what happens when
[04:32] ---
    you take a New Year's
    envelope from an adult.
[04:36] Kagura
    Gin-chan!
[04:38] Gin
    But you said that you wanted
    a New Year's envelope,
[04:44] ---
    no matter what happened.
[04:47] Gin
    In that case, you shouldn't look back.
[04:53] Gin
    You must cross my dead body,
    the dead bodies of us adults.
[04:59] Gin
    Kagura...
[05:00] Gin
    You must collect seven of those balls.
[05:03] Gin
    Claim those bloody phantom jewels from
[05:06] ---
    relatives around the world.
[05:08] Gin
    If you collect seven, you'll
    receive the legendary treasure
[05:13] Gin
    that will grant the wish of any kid.
[05:16] Gin
    The Treasure Balls.
[05:18] Gin
    I know... I know you can
    make your wish come true.
[05:23] Gin
    For my sake...
[05:29] Kagura
    Gin-chan...
[05:32] Kagura
    Gin-chan!
[05:35] Kagura
    In your dreams!
[05:39] Kagura
    Hey, what's a Treasure Ball?
[05:42] Kagura
    You came up with that gross act
[05:45] Kagura
    because you didn't want to give
    me a New Year's envelope?!
[05:48] Kagura
    This is the year of the
    dragon, not the pig!
[05:50] Gin
    O-Oh, you knew I was lying?
[05:53] Gin
    That's not nice of you.
[05:54] Kagura
    I was playing along to soften you
    up, but you took it way too far!
[05:58] Gin
    But now you understand
    how difficult it is
[06:00] Gin
    for grown-ups to provide
    New Year's envelopes.
[06:03] Kagura
    I can't understand why someone
    would spit out white balls
[06:06] Kagura
    when someone asks for
    a New Year's envelope!
[06:08] Gin
    Don't blame me.
[06:09] ---
    I lost all my Treasure
    Balls to the other kids.
[06:13] Kagura
    You mean you lost them
    at a pachinko parlor!
[06:16] Gin
    No wonder I'm coughing up Treasure Balls.
[06:18] Gin
    I also coughed up the Treasure
    Soup I had for breakfast.
[06:21] Kagura
    In that case, you should
    just give me everything!
[06:25] Shin
    Seriously, why are you fighting
    on the first day of a new year?
[06:29] Shin
    Happy New Year.
[06:31] Shin
    Here you are, Kagura-chan.
[06:34] Kagura
    Huh? What's that?
[06:35] Shin
    What? You're supposed to give people
[06:37] ---
    New Year's envelopes on New Year's Day.
SIGN    New Year's Envelope
    Kagura-chan
[06:39] Kagura
    Oh, really?!
[06:41] Kagura
    You're awesome, Shinpachi!
[06:42] Shin
    Nah, Sis told me to bring this to you.
[06:45] Kagura
    I see! Yay!
[06:48] Shin
    I didn't expect to
    receive one at this age.
[06:52] Shin
    Well, I guess Sis still
    thinks I'm just a kid.
[06:55] Shin
    But I hope I can grow up to be like her.
[06:59] Shin
    An adult who has plenty
    of money to give to kids.
[07:02] Kagura
    That's right.
[07:03] Kagura
    I don't want to grow up to be an
    adult who coughs up white balls.
[07:08] Shin
    Yeah, I don't want to grow up
    to be an adult who hides indoors
[07:11] Shin
    because he doesn't want to
    give out New Year's envelopes.
[07:15] Gin
    Hey! Don't think I can't hear you!
[07:18] Gin
    Why don't I get a New Year's envelope?!
[07:20] Gin
    That's no fair!
[07:22] Shin
    That's why you're mad?!
[07:23] Shin
    You need to grow up, Gin-san!
[07:26] Shin
    You're supposed to be handing out
    envelopes, not receiving them!
[07:29] Kagura
    Can't you act like a leader for once?
[07:32] Gin
    What are you talking about, fools?
[07:34] Gin
    A real man never drops
    the ball, or his balls.
[07:43] Shin
    Here, use this.
[07:47] Gin
    Huh?
[07:48] Shin
    We knew you wouldn't have any money left,
[07:52] ---
    so we saved some of our pay.
[07:54] Kagura
    You can use it to do
    something good for once.
[07:58] Shin
    You need to give us a
    reason to feel proud
[08:00] ---
    that you're our leader.
[08:05] ---
    You...
[08:06] Kagura
    And you have to pay back
    every penny, with interest.
[08:09] Gin
    Thank you!
[08:11] Gin
    Then I'll go triple the money so
    I have enough to give everyone!
[08:18] Tama
    Gintoki-sama?
[08:20] Tama
    Happy New Year, Gintoki-sama.
[08:23] Shin
    Tama-san!
[08:24] Tama
    Shinpachi-sama, Kagura-sama,
    happy New Year.
[08:28] Shin
    Oh, happy New Year.
[08:31] Kagura
    Happy New Year.
[08:32] Kagura
    Oh, that's right.
[08:34] Kagura
    Start by giving one to Tama, moron.
[08:37] Kagura
    Don't drop the ball.
[08:38] Gin
    That's not funny!
[08:39] Shin
    Oh, that's right. Tama
    may look like an adult,
[08:43] Shin
    but she was created a short while
    ago, so she should get one?
[08:47] Tama
    Yes, it says on Wikipedia that
    I was born on August 16th, 2007.
[08:52] Shin
    What's that? Wikipedia
    exists in this world?
[08:55] Tama
    It most certainly does.
[08:56] Kagura
    Then what does it say about the fact
[08:58] Kagura
    that there are barely any
    Amanto-like Amanto showing up?
[09:01] Tama
    The new restrictions aren't helping,
[09:03] Tama
    and it's a pain in the ass to
    come up with new characters.
[09:05] Tama
    That's what it says.
[09:05] Shin
    It doesn't say that anywhere!
[09:07] Shin
    That came straight from
    the author himself!
[09:10] Kagura
    Anyway, Tama is like a reverse
    Conan-kun, so give her an envelope.
[09:14] Gin
    No, she looks like an adult,
    so she doesn't count.
[09:17] Gin
    You can't reverse everything!
[09:19] Gin
    Let's go look for a real kid.
[09:22] Cath
    If you're looking for a kid to give a
    New Year's envelope, there's one right here.
[09:26] Gin
    Shut up. I don't need
    a catty hag nagging...
[09:29] Cath
    It's me, Tama-chan.
[09:31] Cath
    Mister, give me an envelope.
[09:33] Cath
    Die!
[09:38] Cath
    I wanted a few more lines...
[09:42] Gin
    Tsk, Shinpachi looks more like
    Tama-chan when crossdressing than you do!
[09:46] Shin
    That's why you snapped?!
[09:47] Shin
    You're probably right though!
[09:52] Sei
    Oh, it's Gin-san!
[09:54] Sei
    What? Are you visiting
    everyone for New Year's?
[09:56] Sei
    Happy New Year!
[09:57] Gin
    Don't "happy New Year" me.
[10:00] Gin
    In the manga, this chapter
    ran before New Year's,
[10:02] Gin
    and we're airing this episode in March.
[10:05] Gin
    So you're trying to turn back the
[10:07] ---
    clock so you can get
    a New Year's envelope.
[10:09] Sei
    New Year's envelope?
[10:11] Sei
    From you, Gin-san?!
[10:12] Tsu
    Hinowa!
[10:13] Hino
    I know!
[10:15] Hino
    Close the Yoshiwara ceiling!
[10:17] All
    Yes, ma'am!
[10:18] Hino
    Emergency alert!
[10:19] Hino
    Tell all the residents
    to brace for impact!
[10:22] Hino
    All hands prepare for an aerial assault!
[10:24] All
    Aye, aye!
[10:25] Gin
    What do you expect to come falling down?!
[10:27] Gin
    Do you want me to kill you all?!
[10:29] Sei
    Th-That means...
[10:31] Gin
    I came all the way out here.
[10:33] Gin
    Just take it.
[10:34] Sei
    Y-Yay!
[10:36] Sei
    Gin-san came here to give
    me a New Year's envelope!
[10:39] Tsu
    What happened? Are you dying?
[10:41] Tsu
    Are you going to die?
[10:42] Gin
    Shut up! He's the only kid I could
    think of, so I had to come here!
[10:46] Hino
    Isn't that wonderful, Seita?
[10:48] Sei
    Yup!
[10:48] Shin
    Look at how happy he is.
[10:51] Shin
    See? It's not a bad idea
    to be nice once in a while.
[10:53] Gin
    Keep your mouth shut.
[10:54] Gin
    Are you satisfied now?
[10:55] ---
    Sorry.
[10:57] Hino
    That's right.
[10:58] Hino
    I also prepared a New Year's
    gift to show my appreciation.
[11:02] Hino
    Shinpa-san, Kagura-chan,
[11:04] Hino
    please take these.
[11:07] Hino
    Tsukuyo.
[11:11] Tsu
    Take whichever one you want.
[11:15] Tsu
    We discovered the golden rod and balls
[11:17] ---
    in Hosen's safe the other day.
[11:19] Sei
    I received this golden
    piece as a New Year's gift!
[11:23] Sei
    Isn't it pretty?
[11:25] Sei
    Oh, what are you going to give me?
[11:27] Sei
    Something golden?
[11:29] Hino
    Gin-san will probably
    give you a silver rod.
[11:31] Hino
    Nah, probably a silver ball.
[11:34] Gin
    I'll go buy some silver paint
    that's safe for your skin.
[11:38] Gin
    Silver soul!
[11:40] Gin
    Uh, what am I supposed to do?
[11:42] Gin
    What do you want me to do?
[11:44] Gin
    They're looking for golden balls.
[11:45] Gin
    All I got are some sagging balls.
[11:47] Shin
    That doesn't mean you should
    paint your balls silver.
[11:50] Kagura
    Make them stop sagging.
[11:52] Gin
    It doesn't work that way!
[11:54] Gin
    This trade would be like highway robbery!
[11:58] Shin
    It's the thought that counts.
[12:00] Gin
    Then you go give them your thought!
[12:02] Kagura
    Calm down. Just make them stop sagging.
[12:04] Gin
    I said that it doesn't work that way!
[12:06] Sei
    Uh, is something wrong, Gin-san?
[12:09] Gin
    No, you see...
[12:12] Tsu
    Ahem.
[12:17] Tsu
    I'll let you borrow this.
[12:18] Tsu
    Hand it to him.
[12:20] Both
    She's helping us!
[12:22] Both
    She's letting us rent a golden bar!
[12:25] Gin
    I can't afford to borrow that!
[12:28] Gin
    I won't be able to pay you back!
[12:30] Tsu
    We're only letting you borrow
    this temporarily anyway.
[12:33] Gin
    I don't need it!
[12:35] Gin
    You think I can hand that
    over with a straight face?!
[12:37] Tsu
    Stop trying to act tough!
[12:39] Gin
    Keep your voice down! He'll hear you!
[12:42] Tsu
    It's your fault for refusing to take it!
[12:45] Gin
    You're talking out loud and
    covering up your coughing!
[12:48] Shin
    Hey!
[12:49] Shin
    Gin-san, Tsukuyo-san!
[12:50] Shin
    We can hear everything you're saying!
[12:53] Shin
    Seita-kun's trying to pretend
    that he didn't see anything!
[12:56] Gin
    Fine.
[12:57] Gin
    If you're gonna insist, I'll borrow it.
[12:59] Gin
    Don't look at me.
[13:01] Gin
    Where? Where is it?
[13:03] Tsu
    Right here.
[13:04] Tsu
    The rod is right here.
[13:05] Gin
    Rod?
[13:06] Tsu
    No, it's lower.
[13:10] Gin
    Rod? This is more like a ball.
[13:13] Tsu
    What do you think you're doing?!
[13:15] Sei
    G-Gin-san!
[13:23] Gin
    And there's your New Year's envelope.
[13:36] Kagura
    Are you going to keep
    coughing up white balls?
[13:39] Kagura
    The last pair was half-digested.
[13:43] Gin
    I won't be able to use that trick again.
[13:45] Shin
    You never should have been
    able to use that trick.
[13:47] Gin
    Let's just stop.
[13:48] Gin
    This isn't my thing.
[13:52] Gin
    I'm not the kind of person
    who hands out money.
[13:56] Gin
    Let's just spend it on ourselves
    and go out on the town.
[13:59] Gin
    It's on me.
[14:00] Shin
    Don't spend our hard-earned
    money on yourself!
[14:04] Gin
    But there aren't any
    other kids in this show.
[14:06] Gin
    All we got are a bunch of
    old men who act like kids.
[14:09] Shin
    Nobody ever said that you
[14:10] ---
    have to give New Year's
    envelopes to kids.
[14:12] Shin
    You could give one to
    a younger colleague.
[14:14] Gin
    Colleague? I don't have any of those.
SIGN    Gintoki-senpai!
[14:20] Gin
    Hey, who was that?!
SIGN    Oh, it's Gintoki-senpai!
[14:22] Zura
    Oh, Gintoki.
[14:23] Zura
    Come over here. I just
    met a familiar face.
[14:28] Zura
    Do you remember him?
[14:30] Zura
    We fought together as Joi.
[14:34] Zura
    Elisugizabe...
[14:36] Gin
    When did this monster become
    a colleague of mine?
SIGN    That's mean, senpai. How could you  forget about me? You'll destroy the world then.
[14:39] Gin
    Why are you using these new signs?!
[14:43] Gin
    And that won't destroy the world!
[14:44] Zura
    How could you forget our comrade?
[14:48] Zura
    No matter. It's New Year's, so
    you should give him an envelope.
SIGN    I simply destroy.
[14:52] Gin
    That ain't happening!
    He's so obviously a fake!
SIGN    Until the beast stops howling.
[14:55] Gin
    And why are you talking like Takasugi?!
[14:58] Zura
    You haven't changed at all, Zabethke.
SIGN    You may complain now,
SIGN    but you'll give me a New  Year's envelope in the end.
SIGN    That's what makes you Gintoki-senpai!
[15:05] Gin
    Why are you acting like
    this happened before?!
[15:07] Gin
    I'm not giving you anything!
[15:09] Zura
    Oh, that's right.
[15:10] Zura
    I have envelopes for
    Shinpachi-kun and Leader.
[15:14] Zura
    Take your pick.
[15:17] Kagura
    Really, Zura?
SIGN    Joi Patriot Training Course 10,000 yen
SIGN    Joi Patriot Training Course 5,000 yen
[15:20] Zura
    Tickets for 5,000 yen and 10,000
    yen Joi Patriot training courses.
SIGN    Become a Joi Patriot!!! 5,000 yen course
[15:25] Zura
    The 5,000 yen course makes you
    a Joi patriot in three days.
SIGN    Become a Joi Patriot!!! 10,000 yen course
[15:28] Zura
    The 10,000 yen course is the
    same as the 5,000 yen course,
[15:31] Zura
    but you also receive 5,000 yen!
[15:33] Both
    Then you only need to offer
    the 5,000 yen course!
[15:36] Kyu
    Gintoki!
[15:38] Gin
    Hm? It's Kyubei.
[15:41] Gin
    Why are you in such a rush?
[15:43] Kyu
    Yes, I've been hearing stories about you.
[15:45] Gin
    About me?
[15:47] Kyu
    Well, I heard you were
    passing out balls today.
[15:52] Gin
    That would make me a sicko!
[15:54] Gin
    That's not even possible!
[15:55] Gin
    It's not like I have extra balls!
[15:57] Kyu
    What? Impossible!
[15:58] Shin
    Uh, why would you ever
    believe those stories?
[16:01] Shin
    And what would you do with those balls?
[16:04] Kyu
    If I also received a rod next year,
    I'd be set for the operation.
[16:08] Gin
    I'm not handing out anything!
[16:09] Gin
    And what do rods have
    to do with New Year's?!
[16:13] Gin
    You're just being weird!
[16:14] Tojo
    Young lady!
[16:17] Tojo
    Don't do it!
[16:19] Kyu
    Tojo...
[16:20] Tojo
    Don't do it!
[16:21] Tojo
    You must not touch his spineless balls!
[16:25] Kyu
    Balls never have spines.
[16:27] Tojo
    That's not what I meant!
[16:28] Kyu
    What's the problem then?
[16:30] Tojo
    Everything! His dirty balls are not
    meant for a well-to-do lady like yourself!
[16:35] Gin
    Eh? Did you say my balls are dirty?
[16:37] Gin
    They're cleaner than yours!
[16:39] Gin
    Squeaky clean!
[16:40] Tojo
    No! Mine are absolutely cleaner!
[16:42] Tojo
    Because I just visited a ****
    on the first day of the year
[16:46] Tojo
    and got them washed squeaky clean!
[16:47] Tojo
    I can prove it!
[16:52] Gin
    Hey, let's stop this.
[16:54] Gin
    Obviously, nothing good happens when I
    try to hand out New Year's envelopes.
[16:57] Gin
    I haven't even managed
    to hand one over yet.
[16:59] Shin
    Th-That's not true.
[17:01] Gin
    Since kids and colleagues are
    out, who does that leave?
SIGN    New Year's envelope please.
[17:17] Gin
    Hey, let's stop this.
[17:19] Gin
    Obviously, nothing good happens when I
    try to hand out New Year's envelopes.
[17:22] Gin
    I haven't even managed
    to hand one over yet.
[17:25] Shin
    Th-That's not true.
[17:27] Gin
    Since kids and colleagues are
    out, who does that leave?
SIGN    New Year's envelope please.
[17:39] Gin
    H-Hey, let's stop this.
[17:42] Gin
    Obviously, nothing good happens when I
    try to hand out New Year's envelopes.
[17:45] Gin
    I-I haven't even managed
    to hand one over yet.
SIGN    New Year's envelope please.
[17:55] Gin
    Hey! Let's stop this!
[17:58] Gin
    Obviously, nothing good happens when I
    try to hand out New Year's envelopes!
[18:01] Gin
    I haven't even managed
    to hand one over yet!
[18:03] Shin
    That's not true!
[18:04] Gin
    Since kids and colleagues are
    out, who does that leave?!
[18:11] Gin
    Hey, let's stop this.
[18:14] Gin
    Obviously, nothing good happens...
[18:20] Madao
    Happy New Year.
[18:22] Gin
    Where's the happy?!
[18:23] Gin
    We're stuck in this dark place now!
[18:26] Shin
    We've been trapped!
[18:28] Gin
    What did you do?!
[18:30] Shin
    Hey! His sunglasses are
    actually pure darkness!
[18:33] Shin
    His eyes are completely dark now!
[18:36] Madao
    A new year has come, but the
    darkness hasn't left my eyes.
[18:40] Shin
    His voice is ringing inside my head!
[18:44] Madao
    Perfect timing, Shinpachi-kun,
    Kagura-chan.
[18:47] Madao
    I have New Year's envelopes for you.
[18:49] Madao
    You people keep taking from me.
[18:53] Shin
    No, it's okay!
[18:54] Shin
    We don't need anything!
[18:54] Shin
    There's nothing to take from you!
[18:57] Madao
    Cardboard wing.
[18:59] Madao
    Vinyl wing.
[19:03] Madao
    Rip off whichever one you want.
[19:05] Shin
    I can't do that!
[19:06] Shin
    They're worthless, but I can't do that!
[19:09] Madao
    Want to see what happens if you
    rip off the cardboard wing?
[19:12] Madao
    I can't wait.
[19:14] Gin
    Hey, he did something funny
    to the cardboard wing!
[19:16] Madao
    But the vinyl wing is also...
[19:19] Gin
    What's going on?!
[19:21] Gin
    Let's give him money and get out of here!
[19:23] Gin
    Why are we even here?!
[19:24] Gin
    I'm getting sick of
    this, so can we go home?
[19:26] Sa
    No.
[19:28] Sa
    You're not doing it right.
[19:31] Sa
    Come over here.
[19:34] Sa
    Hey, did you know?
[19:36] Sa
    New Year's envelopes aren't
    only meant for kids.
[19:40] Sa
    Welcome to the adult New Year's envelope.
[19:45] Sa
    I'll be the envelope for your rod.
[19:49] Sa
    My envelope is open for you.
[19:52] Gin
    I'll stick this ball
    in your envelope then.
[19:58] Gin
    Sorry about this.
[20:01] Gin
    You were trying to help,
[20:03] ---
    but I couldn't give an
    envelope to a single person.
[20:06] Gin
    I guess it's harder when
    the money isn't my own.
[20:10] Gin
    I'll give this back to you.
[20:13] Gin
    And these, too.
[20:17] Kagura
    Gin-chan, what are these?
[20:20] Gin
    It wasn't easy.
[20:21] Gin
    I spend my money so fast
SIGN    For Shinpachi
[20:25] Gin
    that I forgot where I hid my own money.
SIGN    For Kagura
[20:33] Gin
    It was in my shoe.
[20:36] Kagura
    I see. That's why it stinks.
[20:48] Shin
    Well, now that we have money...
[20:50] Kagura
    Let's go party.
[20:53] Gin
    Hey, you were complaining
    about how I spend money,
[20:56] Gin
    and now you're doing the same?
[20:58] Shin
    That's because you share
    your soul with us everyday.
[21:04] Shin
    Money isn't meant to be held overnight.
[21:06] Kagura
    Right on!
[21:08] Gin
    What are you idiots talking about?
SIGN    A massage from Gin-san (one time use).
SIGN    A glasses-wiping by  Gin-san (one time use).
SIGN    Next Time
[23:23] Shin
    Hey! Why are you two just lying around?!
[23:26] Kagura
    What? I can't brush my teeth after
    I'm already under a kotatsu.
SIGN    When Sleeping Under a Kotatsu, Make  Sure You Don't Burn Your Balls
[23:31] Gin
    Man, I'm too lazy to
    read the episode title.
[23:33] Shin
    Hey!
SIGN    The kotatsu is an enticing trap. Once  you're inside, you're paralyzed.
SIGN    We'll just be lying around next week.  And don't say that we do that every week.

E251 - When Sleeping Under a Kotatsu, Make Sure You Don't Burn Your Balls
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Spring is here.
[00:02] Gin
    Happy New Year!
[00:07] Shin
    To all the people who helped us last year
[00:10] Shin
    and all the viewers who watched this show.
[00:17] Shin
    Yeah, if you wanted to sneak in a New Year greeting
[00:20] ---
    at the beginning of an episode,
[00:22] Shin
    you should have done it last week
[00:24] Shin
    since the last episode was about New Year's envelopes.
[00:34] Shin
    Hey!
[00:35] Shin
    I can understand if you're too lazy to respond,
[00:37] Shin
    but that doesn't make it okay to fart!
[00:38] Shin
    That's plain rude!
[00:44] Shin
    Hey!
SIGN    Kotatsu
[02:21] Gin
    Do you think it's possible that humans evolved from kotatsu?
[02:24] Shin
    What are you talking about?
[02:26] Gin
    Humans are drawn to kotatsu by DNA.
[02:30] Gin
    Isn't there a mythical creature that looks like this?
[02:33] Gin
    Maybe humans and kotatsu used to be one and the same.
[02:36] Shin
    I've never seen anything like that before.
[02:37] Gin
    And then evolution gave us what is now
[02:42] Gin
    humankind.
[02:43] Shin
    That's a pretty biased example to use for humankind.
[02:45] Kagura
    So we're trying to reunite with the kotatsu!
[02:50] Sa
    You've finally realized the truth!
[02:52] Sa
    It's time to unite with me, Gin-san!
[02:55] Shin
    I have a feeling this was devolution.
SIGN    The End
SIGN    Shinsengumi Station
SIGN    New Year Greetings
[04:02] Yama
    Gantan.
[04:07] Yama
    Gantan?
[04:12] Yama
    Gantan.
[04:16] Yama
    Ganpan.
[04:20] Yama
    Antan.
[04:22] Yama
    Anpan!
[04:24] Yama
    Anpan!
SIGN    The End
SIGN    Recycling Center Earth Defense Base
[04:38] Gin
    Hey.
[04:40] Gin
    Excuse me, can you buy this off me?
[04:42] A
    Cut it out already.
[04:45] A
    This isn't a dump.
[04:47] Gin
    I'm not sure what's wrong, but the thermostat isn't working.
[04:51] Sa
    You have to be stronger!
[04:53] Gin
    I can't switch it off the strong setting.
[04:55] A
    I thought the last segment ended!
[04:58] Gin
    Can I trade this for something kotatsu-like?
[05:00] A
    We don't deal in human trade.
[05:05] Gin
    Huh?
[05:06] Gin
    Hey, you've got a nice one here.
[05:09] A
    Wait, that's...
SIGN    When Sleeping Under a Kotatsu, Make Sure You Don't Burn Your Balls
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan Snack Otose
[05:21] Shin
    Good morning!
[05:26] Shin
    Huh?
[05:30] Shin
    Again?
[05:31] Shin
    They're so hopeless.
[05:33] Shin
    Hey!
[05:35] Shin
    You're going to catch a cold if you sleep under the kotatsu!
[05:38] Shin
    Cut that out! It's a disgrace!
[05:41] Shin
    You too, Sadaharu!
[05:44] Shin
    It's the first episode of the new year, and you're just sitting around.
[05:47] Shin
    Everything is within reach of the kotatsu.
[05:50] Shin
    How lazy can you be?
[05:54] Gin
    Shut up.
[05:56] Gin
    I'm staying here because it's cold.
[06:00] Gin
    What's wrong with being lazy on New Year's, stupid?
[06:03] Shin
    You're lazy every single day of the year!
[06:06] Kagura
    Pachi-boy, I decided to
[06:12] Kagura
    marry the kotatsu.
[06:14] Kagura
    I can't live without it.
[06:17] Otsu
    Everyone, Happy New Year!
[06:18] Shin
    The kotatsu doesn't want a bride who never moves.
[06:25] Otsu
    Thank you for coming to my concert on such a busy day to show your supportapoop!
[06:28] Shin
    Could you get out of there?
[06:30] Shin
    The fridge is empty because we haven't gone shopping recently.
[06:34] Shin
    We don't have food for lunch.
[06:36] Kagura
    What? We don't need to go shopping.
[06:39] Kagura
    I've got lunch right here.
[06:41] Kagura
    Piping hot meat buns.
[06:44] Shin
    Uh, that's disgusting!
[06:46] Shin
    You're not supposed to use a kotatsu that way!
[06:47] Kagura
    Fine, you don't get any then.
[06:49] Kagura
    Gin-chan, where's the mustard?
[06:56] Gin
    We have some,
SIGN    Mustard
[06:59] Gin
    but it's beyond the horizon.
[07:01] Kagura
    Then I'll use the toothpaste.
[07:04] Shin
    Enough already!
[07:05] Shin
    Why do you have to be so lazy on the first episode of the year?!
[07:08] Shin
    I understand the desire to be comfortable, but you're too comfortable!
[07:10] Shin
    You've been like this ever since we got the new kotatsu!
[07:13] Shin
    What if the little kids follow your example?!
[07:15] Shin
    Can you pull it together?!
[07:19] Shin
    Where's the plug?
[07:21] Gin
    There isn't one.
[07:23] Shin
    Don't lie to me!
[07:25] ---
    Where is it?! Where did you hide it?!
[07:27] Gin
    I said that there isn't one.
[07:31] Shin
    Don't play dumb!
[07:33] Shin
    If there isn't a plug, how do you turn it on?!
[07:36] Gin
    There's no need to turn it off.
[07:40] Gin
    Because
[07:42] ---
    we're never leaving...
[07:48] Shin
    S-Space...
[08:00] Shin
    No, this is...
[08:03] Shin
    This is a black hole!
[08:10] Otsu
    That was "Your Brother is a ****"!
[08:16] Otsu
    Thank you for listeningapoop!
[08:20] All
    Thank you!
[08:24] Otsu
    Does everyone love me?
[08:28] All
    We love you!
[08:30] Otsu
    Does everyone love me?
[08:34] All
    We love you!
[08:37] Otsu
    But the mothers in the PTA don't like this song very much.
[08:55] Gin
    What are you doing, Pachi-boy?
[08:57] Gin
    Cut down the racket.
[08:58] Shin
    Wait!
[08:59] Shin
    H-Hold on!
[09:02] Shin
    Wh-What is this?!
[09:04] Shin
    What's up with this kotatsu?!
[09:05] Shin
    How is there a black hole under the kotatsu?!
[09:09] Gin
    What are you talking about?
[09:11] ---
    That's how every kotatsu works.
[09:13] Gin
    Once you get under one, you can never leave.
[09:15] Gin
    A square black hole that sucks
[09:17] ---
    motivation from humans and grants pure ecstasy.
[09:20] Gin
    That's what a kotatsu is.
[09:21] Shin
    I've never heard that scary explanation before!
[09:24] Shin
    That's not what I mean!
[09:26] Shin
    There's something down there!
[09:27] Shin
    I'm literally stuck now!
[09:29] Shin
    Where did you find this thing, Gin-san?!
SIGN    Anti-Evil Ward
[09:32] Gin
    They needed to find a way to dispose of it, so they gave it to me for free.
[09:35] Gin
    I really like the design.
[09:36] Gin
    Isn't it nice?
[09:37] Shin
    The design?
[09:38] Shin
    There are a bunch of creepy wards everywhere!
[09:43] Shin
    What was it she said?
[09:44] Shin
    The previous owner used this kotatsu to seal King Something-lo.
[09:49] Shin
    It sounded scary, so I just ignored her and brought the kotatsu home.
[09:51] Shin
    Uh, you heard the scary part!
[09:54] Shin
    You only left out the "Picco"!
[09:56] Shin
    King Piccolo's in there!
[09:58] Gin
    Don't worry, it's not King Piccolo.
[10:01] Gin
    I think it was King Diablo.
[10:04] Shin
    That's even scarier!
[10:06] ---
    And you're missing the point!
[10:09] Shin
    So what does this mean?!
[10:10] Shin
    Have we been sealed inside this kotatsu?!
[10:13] Shin
    It's not that you don't want to get out, you can't!
[10:16] Shin
    What are we going to do?!
[10:17] Shin
    We're supposed to spend
[10:18] ---
    the first episode of the year sitting under a kotatsu?!
[10:22] Kagura
    Not just the first episode.
[10:24] ---
    We'll be spending the entire year here.
[10:26] Shin
    That can't last!
[10:29] Gin
    What's wrong with being lazy for a bit?
[10:32] Gin
    Pachi-boy, this is our sixth year.
[10:36] Gin
    We may be following the Sazae-san tradition of never aging,
[10:39] Gin
    but I'm almost 40 mentally.
[10:42] Gin
    Mentally, I'm almost bald.
[10:45] Shin
    Mentally?! You're physically bald!
[10:49] Gin
    I'm tired of working this combover every week.
[10:53] Gin
    Can't I just not worry about my hair for once?
[10:57] Kagura
    Yeah, after six years, I've learned how to talk straight.
[11:01] Kagura
    I'm tired of sounding stupid.
[11:05] Shin
    That's crazy talk!
[11:07] Kagura
    I'm tired of living a lie!
[11:11] Shin
    Why are you bald?!
[11:13] Shin
    Wh-What are you people doing?!
[11:15] Shin
    You're supposed to be the main character and heroine in a Jump anime!
[11:19] Gin
    Shut up. Don't be such a nag.
[11:22] Kagura
    We took a whole year off so there
[11:24] ---
    would be enough manga to resume the anime,
[11:26] Kagura
    but now we're slacking again.
[11:28] Gin
    When an episode in March
[11:31] Gin
    is based on a chapter from the first issue of Jump that year,
[11:33] Gin
    it's clear that there's a timing issue.
[11:35] Gin
    We had two months to produce this episode?
[11:37] Shin
    Hey!
[11:38] Shin
    Stop it!
[11:39] Shin
    That's a really delicate issue right now!
[11:41] Shin
    You're not supposed to open that door right now!
[11:43] Kagura
    They didn't plan ahead properly.
[11:46] Kagura
    Any kid could tell you that a
[11:48] ---
    chapter won't give you an entire episode.
[11:50] Kagura
    The problem is when you have people
[11:53] ---
    who don't plan ahead planning anime.
[11:58] Gin
    Yeah, I'm getting sick of everything!
[12:01] Shin
    Th-This is bad.
[12:03] Shin
    They're losing all their motivation to the evil kotatsu!
[12:07] Shin
    I need to get out of here before I go bald!
[12:10] Shin
    Forget the animation quality, this anime is in trouble.
[12:13] Shin
    I need to call for help!
[12:17] Shin
    Somebody's here!
[12:18] Shin
    Excuse me! Help us!
[12:20] Shin
    We can't move!
[12:22] Shin
    Please come in!
[12:24] Zura
    What's that? Is something wrong, Shinpachi-kun?
[12:27] Shin
    Katsura-san!
[12:29] Zura
    This is pathetic!
[12:31] Zura
    Gintoki, a warrior should not be living in squalor!
[12:34] Zura
    You should be ashamed!
[12:36] Shin
    Katsura-san, please listen to me!
[12:38] Zura
    Silence! You can make excuses later!
[12:40] Shin
    You've got it wrong!
[12:42] Shin
    Listen to me first! Katsura-san, this is...
[12:45] Zura
    It's not Katsura. It's Zura.
[12:49] Zura
    Brr, I'm freezing.
[12:52] Shin
    He went bald instantly!
[12:54] Shin
    Hey! I told you to listen to me!
[12:57] Shin
    Why are you immediately getting under the kotatsu?!
[12:59] Shin
    And what's with that gross forehead?!
[13:02] Zura
    Well, it's so cold outside.
[13:04] Zura
    Too cold to be engaging in Joi activities.
[13:07] Zura
    Though it's not just winter, since my body's starting to give out on me.
[13:13] Zura
    My back hurts, my insurance doesn't cover anything,
[13:16] Zura
    and I got weird monsters pestering me.
[13:18] ---
    A trifecta of suck.
[13:20] Shin
    Who is this old man?!
[13:21] Zura
    Honestly, I envy you, Gintoki.
[13:24] Zura
    I'm starting to think that I should have gotten a normal job.
[13:28] Gin
    No, it's the same for everyone now,
[13:30] Gin
    given the economy.
[13:32] Shin
    Hey!
[13:33] Shin
    When did this turn into a reunion for old geezers?!
[13:35] Zura
    Sakamoto's the only one of us who's doing well.
[13:38] Zura
    Takasugi went off his rocker.
[13:40] Zura
    Though his family was always rich.
[13:46] Zura
    So we work our entire lives and we're still worse off than those rich people.
[13:50] Gin
    Pretty much.
[13:52] Gin
    So we should go back to our kotatsu and rethink life.
[13:57] Shin
    How do you go back to your kotatsu?
[13:58] Shin
    Shouldn't you be going back to your hometown instead?
[14:01] Zura
    But aren't you going to settle things with Takasugi?
[14:03] Gin
    Takasugi? Who are you talking about?
[14:06] Gin
    I've forgotten who he is since he never shows up.
[14:09] Gin
    I'll just write some bad stuff about him on an online forum
[14:11] ---
    and that'll be the end of that.
[14:13] Shin
    How does that settle anything?!
[14:15] Zura
    Yeah, if we bring him in, we'll have to
[14:17] ---
    go through the trouble of a Joi past arc.
[14:19] Zura
    Do you have anything in mind?
[14:21] Gin
    Hell no.
[14:23] Gin
    What about you?
[14:24] Zura
    What actually happened in our past?
[14:27] Gin
    No kidding.
[14:27] Shin
    Shut up! Just shut up!
[14:30] Shin
    You're not supposed to say that stuff!
[14:32] Shin
    It's over!
[14:32] Shin
    This anime is falling apart!
[14:35] Shin
    Someone save us!
[14:36] Otae
    Oh, why are you making such a racket, Shin-chan?
[14:39] Kyu
    Did something happen?
[14:40] Shin
    Sis! Kyubei-san!
[14:42] Otae
    Oh, everyone's together for a New Year's party!
[14:45] Shin
    What?! It's balding hell in here!
[14:48] Shin
    Sis, stay away!
[14:51] Shin
    If you get under the kotatsu, you'll never be able to leave!
[14:53] Shin
    It'll take away all your motivation
[14:54] ---
    and turn you into a shell of a heroine!
[14:58] Otae
    You should have told me sooner!
[15:01] Shin
    Huh? Who is that?
[15:02] Shin
    Where did that old man come from?
[15:04] Otae
    I'm sick of this.
[15:05] Otae
    Why do I only get brief appearances?
[15:08] Otae
    What do you take me for?!
[15:10] Shin
    Sis?!
[15:12] Shin
    You've already mastered that style?!
[15:13] Shin
    You're more like an old man than a real old man!
[15:15] Shin
    And why won't any of you listen to me?!
[15:17] Kyu
    T-Tae-chan!
[15:19] Shin
    Kyubei-san! You're the only one who can help us!
[15:20] Shin
    Please do something!
[15:24] Kyu
    Man and woman. We can finally be together
[15:27] Shin
    How?! You're both old men now!
[15:32] Kyu
    I screwed up!
[15:35] Otae
    Now, now.
[15:37] Otae
    Forget about men and women and just relax.
[15:40] Shin
    You're nothing more than an old man now!
[15:43] Kyu
    But strangely enough, I feel satisfied
[15:46] Kyu
    A kotatsu is a mysterious thing.
[15:48] Kyu
    If I can be under the same kotatsu as Tae-chan,
[15:51] Kyu
    it doesn't matter if I'm a man or a woman.
[15:55] Shin
    I just said that you're an old man!
[15:57] Otae
    I don't think I care about reviving the dojo anymore.
[16:01] Shin
    The kotatsu has nothing to do with our dojo!
[16:04] Otae
    Honestly, I'd given up around the third year of the anime.
[16:09] Otae
    On the dojo and on my brother.
[16:11] Shin
    Why do you look so happy as you slander me?!
[16:14] Kagura
    Yeah, it's not easy to be unmarried with a kid at that age.
[16:19] Shin
    I'm not her kid!
[16:20] Kagura
    He said he would help you revive the dojo,
[16:23] Kagura
    but he just stands around while his sister works at a cabaret club.
[16:27] Shin
    Could you stop badmouthing me?
[16:29] Gin
    I've heard that he spends his time fooling
[16:32] ---
    around at some kind of odd job.
[16:34] Gin
    He's like a cancer.
[16:36] Shin
    Aren't you my boss?!
[16:39] Gin
    Why would you want to learn about samurai?
[16:41] Gin
    That's so general.
[16:43] Gin
    It's like a person who says he wants to be a musician
[16:45] Gin
    and performs on the street instead of auditioning.
[16:48] Shin
    What's wrong with performing on the street?!
[16:50] ---
    I'm gonna kill you!
[16:51] Kagura
    You'd be better off just sitting under a kotatsu.
[16:56] Otae
    That's right. Just kick back and relax.
[16:59] Shin
    It's no use! The situation's only getting worse!
[17:03] Shin
    Isn't there a savior out there to help?!
[17:05] Kondo
    Shinpachi-kun, you don't need to worry.
[17:08] Kondo
    You aren't the only ones relaxing.
[17:11] Shin
    You were down there?!
[17:13] Shin
    You two can't help! You need help!
[17:16] Shin
    These are the characters who are always failing!
[17:20] Sa
    I'm getting tired of being a stalker.
[17:23] Kondo
    It's time for us to graduate.
[17:26] Shin
    Did you forget that you just popped out from under the kotatsu?!
[17:29] Sa
    I've worked so hard to win his love.
[17:35] Sa
    I did everything humanly possible.
[17:38] Sa
    But I've finally noticed that there's
[17:40] ---
    been someone else waiting for me.
[17:44] Shin
    Nobody's waiting for you.
[17:47] Sa
    Once I realized that, I lost interest.
[17:51] Kondo
    Yeah, I know what you mean.
[17:53] Kondo
    Then the tables are turned.
[17:56] Kondo
    We've always been on the pursuing side.
[17:59] Kondo
    It feels weird to be pursued.
[18:01] Shin
    Nobody's after you!
[18:03] Shin
    And why are two bald people engaging in girl talk?
[18:07] Zura
    I see, so we're tired of pursuing and being pursued.
[18:12] Zura
    Yes, I learned that lesson the hard way.
[18:16] Zura
    When I close my eyes, I can remember
[18:18] ---
    the days spent in pursuit and being pursued.
[18:20] Shin
    Uh, Katsura-san, you've only ever been pursued!
[18:23] Shin
    You've always got the cops on your tail!
[18:25] Zura
    Then let's forget everything and relax.
[18:29] Shin
    Why are you acting like you're not a criminal?!
[18:40] Kondo
    That's right. We are no longer Shinsengumi and Joi.
[18:44] Kondo
    Starting today,
[18:48] Both
    we're lazy bums.
[18:50] Shin
    That's not touching at all!
[18:52] Shin
    You're both just failing at life!
[18:54] Madao
    Oh, everyone's here.
[18:58] Gin
    Hey, you're late, Hasegawa-san.
[19:00] Madao
    Sorry, sorry.
[19:02] Shin
    Why are you bald before you even got under the kotatsu?!
[19:05] Shin
    You didn't have any motivation to begin with!
[19:06] Shin
    And what do you mean he's late?
[19:07] Shin
    Is there some way for lazy people to communicate with each other?!
[19:10] Gin
    Okay, now that everyone's here, let's relax.
[19:19] Shin
    What the hell is this?!
[19:21] Shin
    Why do you have to act like this in the first episode of the new year?!
[19:38] Shin
    This is an anime.
[19:44] Shin
    You're supposed to move.
[19:47] Shin
    I'll kill you.
[19:54] Kagura
    Oh, sorry.
[19:58] Gin
    Uh, you're breathing on me.
[20:00] Sa
    Sadaharu-kun, could you move over a little?
[20:07] Kondo
    Wait, there's no room over here.
[20:09] Sa
    Oh, sorry.
[20:31] All
    We can't relax.
[20:33] Shin
    No shit!
[20:35] Gin
    Leave!
[20:35] Gin
    You're taking up all the space so I can't even turn over!
[20:39] Gin
    I bought this kotatsu so I could relax!
[20:42] Gin
    Why are you people trying to relax in someone else's home?!
[20:45] Madao
    You always get to relax!
[20:48] Madao
    Why don't you leave?!
[20:49] Sa
    Excuse me! This is Gin-san's home!
[20:51] Sa
    Outsiders should scram!
[20:53] Kagura
    You're also an outsider!
[20:55] Kondo
    How about we get rid of this dog first?!
[20:58] Otae
    We should kick the gorilla out first!
[21:00] Gin
    Stop whining, freaks! None of you paid for this!
[21:03] Zura
    You didn't pay anything either!
[21:05] Kyu
    I can't even get out of here!
[21:06] Kyu
    What's wrong with this kotatsu?!
[21:07] Zura
    Oh! Stop pushing!
[21:12] Gin
    Outta the way! I wanna relax!
[21:41] Gin
    Huh?
[21:42] Gin
    What were we doing?
[21:47] Gin
    Hey, Shinpa—
[21:51] Shin
    I'm too lazy to say anything.
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan Snack Otose
[21:55] All
    Sorry.
SIGN    Next Time Untitled

E252 - We're Sorry
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Odd Jobs Gin-chan
[00:01] Kagura
    Man, the year's already over, huh?
[00:04] Gin
    That was fast.
[00:05] Gin
    Really sucks, doesn't it?
[00:07] Gin
    The years pass faster as we get older.
[00:12] Gin
    At this rate, will the years
    be passing at Formula 1 speeds
[00:17] ---
    when I'm an old geezer?
[00:19] Kagura
    I've still got a long ways to go.
[00:23] Gin
    Well, I'm already up to Ben
    Johnson speed, I'd say.
[00:29] Gin
    Cause my johnson can't keep up.
[00:32] Gin
    Don't get too cocky because
    you're all still young.
[00:34] Gin
    Your johnson will fall
    behind soon enough.
[00:36] Kagura
    For real?
[00:37] Kagura
    Johnson?
[00:39] Kagura
    I prefer Lewis over Johnson.
[00:41] Kagura
    He's cooler.
[00:42] Gin
    Whatever.
[00:44] Gin
    Didn't we have a good time this year?
[00:50] Shin
    Hell no!
[00:52] Shin
    This is the worst time to be reusing
    this segment for the fifth time!
[00:58] Gin
    You have a point.
[02:41] Gin
    Good evening.
[02:42] Gin
    I'm Gintoki Sakata.
[02:44] Shin
    I'm Shinpachi Shimura.
[02:47] Kagura
    I'm Kagura.
[02:49] Shin
    I'm sure some of you are already aware
[02:52] Shin
    that this will be the final
    episode of the Gintama anime.
[02:57] Kagura
    It's been six years since
    the show first began.
[03:00] Kagura
    After numerous accidents,
    complaints, fake endings,
[03:04] Kagura
    plenty of toilet humor, and censorship...
[03:06] Gin
    After surviving multiple
    fatal blunders, this show is
[03:10] ---
    finally coming to an end.
[03:12] Kagura
    So we did some brainstorming...
[03:15] Shin
    ...to decide how we should end this show!
[03:19] Gin
    Here is our answer!
SIGN    We're Sorry
[03:28] Shin
    So, like the episode title says,
[03:30] Shin
    we will be using this episode
[03:33] Shin
    as an opportunity to apologize
[03:37] Shin
    to everyone this show may have offended.
[03:40] Gin
    Such as Capcom, who laughed it off;
[03:43] Gin
    Mr. Miyazaki, who didn't even notice;
[03:45] Gin
    and ex-producer Azuma who
    moved onto a stress free role.
[03:48] Kagura
    There were also many other
    staff who were affected.
[03:52] Kagura
    Such as Sket Dance, which
    pulled some weird stuff
[03:55] Kagura
    and -san.
SIGN    We're sorry. Sob...
[03:57] Gin
    And most importantly, our viewers.
[03:59] All*
    We're very sorry!
[04:04] Gin
    Well, Shinpachi.
[04:06] Gin
    Time to commit seppuku.
[04:08] Gin
    You're dressed in white
    so you're ready to die.
[04:10] Shin
    Why only me?!
[04:11] Shin
    We're all dressed in white!
[04:13] Kagura
    What's wrong?
[04:14] Kagura
    It's time for you to take responsibility
[04:16] Kagura
    for turning the eighth
    episode of the second series
[04:18] Kagura
    into a weak recap episode!
[04:20] Shin
    How is that my fault?!
[04:22] Gin
    People want to see major characters
    die in the last episode.
[04:25] Gin
    It's standard practice.
[04:27] Gin
    You need to die to make
    this show legendary.
[04:29] Shin
    Are you telling me to
    throw my life away?!
[04:30] Shin
    And there wouldn't be
    any drama if I died now!
[04:32] ---
    I would die for nothing!
[04:33] Kagura
    Don't worry. If it doesn't work,
[04:34] ---
    we'll bring you back to life
    like those other shows did.
[04:37] Shin
    We just started apologizing and
    we're already offending more people!
[04:41] Kagura
    Oh, that's right.
[04:42] Kagura
    There's something we
    forgot to apologize for.
[04:44] Kagura
    Well, I'm sure everybody's
    figured it out,
[04:49] Kagura
    but we won't be showing the story
    that was in last week's preview.
[04:51] Kagura
    We wanted to, but there wasn't any time.
[04:54] Kagura
    I guess we got your hopes up for nothing.
[04:56] All
    We're sorry!
[04:59] Shin
    You did it on purpose!
[05:01] Both
    Shut up!
[05:03] Kagura
    Stupid!
[05:04] Kagura
    You actually thought the staff members
    could handle two long arcs in a row?!
[05:08] Kagura
    Don't overestimate them!
[05:08] Gin
    Yeah! And we already
    apologized last week!
[05:12] Shin
    When did you do that?!
[05:13] Gin
    Are you blind?
[05:15] Gin
    Look at his lips move.
SIGN    We're sorry.
[05:20] Shin
    Who would get that?!
[05:21] Shin
    That's just plain evil!
[05:23] Shin
    And you guys aren't even
    sincere about apologizing!
[05:25] ---
    That's not true.
[05:27] Okita
    Don't get too worked up.
[05:29] Okita
    We'll take over from here.
[05:32] Shin
    The Shinsengumi members!
[05:33] Okita
    If you need some apologizing
    done, we got Hijikata,
[05:37] ---
    the master of cleaning up messes.
[05:39] Toshi
    Hold on.
[05:40] Toshi
    Why do I have to clean up their mess?
[05:43] Toshi
    Hey, Yamazaki. Since
    you're dressed in white,
[05:45] Toshi
    you might as well disembowel yourself.
[05:46] Toshi
    Or else I'll kill you.
[05:47] Yama
    Huh?! Why me?!
[05:49] Yama
    And all I did this time around was
    say anpan over and over again!
[05:51] Yama
    I didn't do anything to offend anyone!
[05:53] Okita
    Hijikata-san, in that case, I also...
[05:57] Okita
    I'll jam it right up your .
[05:59] Okita*
    ...did nothing to offend anyone.
[06:02] Toshi
    That's bullshit! You've offended
    everyone under the sun!
[06:06] Kondo
    It's the last episode,
    so stop fighting, boys!
[06:09] Toshi
    Kondo-san...
[06:10] Kondo
    I'll apologize for the Shinsengumi.
[06:13] Kondo
    I'll lay myself bare and apologize
    for all the trouble we've caused.
[06:20] Kondo
    We're sorry.
[06:21] Toshi
    You're literally bare now!
[06:23] Toshi
    You were planning on doing
    this from the start!
[06:25] Gin
    Hey, gorilla.
[06:27] Gin
    Considering everything you've done,
    an ordinary apology won't cut it!
[06:31] Toshi
    What's ordinary about
    stripping buck naked?!
[06:33] Gin
    For the last episode, you have to
    reveal more than before and apologize!
[06:36] Kondo
    What's left to reveal?
[06:38] Gin
    Your ass hair.
[06:39] Kondo
    What?!
[06:40] Okita
    You're very perceptive, big guy.
[06:43] Gin
    Okay, let's shave it all off!
[06:45] Kondo
    S-Stop it!
[06:46] Okita
    And you need to humiliate
    yourself when you apologize.
[06:48] Okita
    Prostrating yourself isn't enough.
[06:49] Kondo
    You must be joking!
[06:50] Yama
    Chief, can I stick anpan here?
[06:54] Kondo
    And so, I would like to
    lay myself completely bare
[07:00] Kondo
    and apologize for everything
    we may have done.
[07:04] Kondo
    We're sorry!
[07:06] Gin
    One more time!
[07:07] Kondo
    We're sorry!
[07:09] Okita
    One more time.
[07:10] Kondo
    We're sorry!
[07:10] Gin
    One more time!
[07:11] Kondo
    We're sorry! We're sorry!
[07:12] Okita
    One more time.
[07:13] Toshi
    Cut it out!
[07:18] Toshi
    I'm really sorry about this!
SIGN    Apologize to the camera!!
[07:25] Sa
    I've been hiding here for six years
[07:27] Sa
    while watching Gin-san *** and !
[07:31] Sa*
    I'm sorry for being such
    a naughty girl, Bolshoi!
[07:34] Tsu
    I'm sorry for being a naughty girl
[07:36] Tsu
    who gets drunk in the middle of
    the day and embarrasses herself.
[07:39] Tsu
    Just kidding, stupid!
[07:43] Tsu
    I need booze to get me
    through this final episode!
[07:46] Tojo
    I'm sorry for being a naughty boy
    who needs kinky play to get it up!
[07:52] A
    Wait up!
[07:53] B
    Pay up!
[07:55] Madao
    I-I'm sorry!
SIGN    Gintama
    Confessional
[08:03] Hata
    Come in, sinful lambs. Make it quick.
[08:09] Hata
    You failed to properly apologize
    at the beginning of the show.
[08:13] Hata
    Now repent.
[08:15] Kagura
    I'll go first.
[08:16] Kagura
    Dear Lord, I'm supposed
    to be the cute heroine,
[08:21] Kagura
    but I'm always throwing up.
[08:26] Kagura
    I'm sorry...
[08:27] Shin
    She threw up before God!
[08:31] Kagura
    The memories made me throw up.
[08:32] Kagura
    Well, God can see everything inside me,
[08:35] Kagura
    so I spilled everything.
[08:36] Shin
    Uh, you're not supposed to
    actually spill your guts.
[08:38] Hata
    Are you done repenting?
[08:40] Hata
    It smells bad, so let's stop.
[08:43] Gin
    No, we haven't been throwing up for
    years without learning anything.
[08:48] Gin
    There is a way to counter barf.
[08:50] Hata
    Really? But it's the last episode.
[08:53] Gin
    Shut up!
[08:54] Gin
    Behold the results of our attempts
    to continuously improve!
[08:56] Gin
    Kagura, it's not your
    fault for throwing up.
[08:59] Gin
    It's a bodily process.
[09:01] Gin
    Like when you suddenly get hard in class.
[09:02] Gin
    So the key is what you
    do after you get hard.
[09:04] Kagura
    So after I throw up, I
    should use weird light
[09:07] ---
    to cover it up like those other shows do?
[09:09] Shin
    Uh, what is this image?!
[09:11] Shin
    It's disgusting!
[09:12] Shin
    And why are you covering
    Hedoro-san's chest?!
[09:14] Shin
    That's not needed!
[09:15] Gin
    Hide. That's certainly an option.
[09:17] Gin
    But when it comes to barf...
[09:21] Kagura
    Oh, sound effects!
[09:22] Kagura
    You can use sound effects to cover it up!
[09:24] Kagura
    I'll give it a try!
[09:29] Shin
    Shit, watching them throw
    up makes me want to...
[09:51] Hata
    Cut it out! You're standing before God!
[09:54] Gin
    Wait, you still want us to repent?
[09:57] Hata
    You bet!
[09:58] Hata
    Look!
[09:59] Hata
    This geezer's sick of
    standing in the same pose!
[10:02] Hata
    He's gonna die! Hurry up!
[10:06] Kagura
    We've been throwing up the entire show.
[10:08] All
    We're sorry!
[10:11] Hata
    Now pray.
SIGN    Apologize to the camera!!
[10:30] Otae
    Nobody cares that I want to
    restore our father's dojo now.
[10:35] Otae
    I'm sorry for ever mentioning it.
[10:39] Tojo
    I'm sorry for climaxing-ray!
[10:44] Kyu
    I'm sorry for sending a
    person to the afterlife.
[10:52] Madao
    I-I'm sorry...
[10:55] Zura
    I present the Joi Apology Seminar for
    the shy person who doesn't know how to apologize!
SIGN    Applause Cheers!!
[11:01] Shin
    What is this?
[11:02] Zura
    As a refined warrior, I believe
    I should teach everyone
[11:06] ---
    the proper way to apologize.
[11:09] Shin
    I see. That'll really help!
[11:11] Zura
    First, I'll teach you how to
    make stubborn men apologize.
[11:18] Shin
    Oh, it's Smile.
[11:19] Shin
    Are you saying that they
    should use alcohol?
[11:21] Otae
    Welcome.
[11:23] Otae
    You look so young.
[11:24] Otae
    How old are you?
[11:26] Zura
    Let's say that I'm in my late twenties.
[11:29] Zura
    You should never answer,
    "How old do I look?"
[11:33] Zura
    That's the reply most customers will use,
[11:34] ---
    so the escorts are sick of hearing it.
[11:37] Shin
    Uh, did we need that explanation?
[11:39] Shin
    This is turning into a
    hostess club seminar.
[11:41] Otae
    Oh, forgive me.
[11:43] Otae
    I forgot to introduce myself.
[11:44] ---
    My name is Tae.
[11:46] Zura
    O-Oh.
[11:48] Zura
    It's bad manners to ask
    for her e-mail address or
[11:50] ---
    phone number at this point.
[11:51] Zura
    Wait until she's about to leave.
[11:53] Shin
    We don't need that information!
[11:55] Shin
    And my sister already apologized first!
[11:59] Otae
    Oh, no!
[12:00] Otae
    Did I get your clothes wet? Are you okay?
[12:02] Shin
    Oh, here we go.
[12:03] Shin
    You finally get a chance to apologize.
[12:05] Zura
    No.
[12:06] Shin
    Huh?
[12:07] Zura
    Hey!
[12:09] Zura
    These glasses are hard to hold.
[12:11] A
    I'm very sorry!
[12:12] Shin
    Huh? You aren't going to apologize?
[12:14] Shin
    And you're a pretty nasty customer.
[12:16] Otae
    Sorry, I'll make you a new
    one, so please wait...
[12:21] Otae
    Excuse me, would you like a smoke?
[12:24] Zura
    Sorry, I don't smoke.
[12:26] Shin
    That wasn't an apology!
[12:28] Shin
    And it didn't even make sense!
[12:34] Zura
    I-I'm sorry...
SIGN    That made sense!
[12:37] Shin
    That's the punch line?!
SIGN    Apologize to the camera!!
[12:41] Saka
    I was too late for Ryomaden and Jin,
[12:43] Saka
    but at least I didn't miss
    the Year of the Dragon!
[12:45] Saka
    And wait, Zuraki-san!
[12:46] Saka
    How could you go to Smile without me?!
[12:48] Saka
    I'm sorry Oryo-chan.
[12:50] Saka
    I promise to visit this year!
[12:54] Kamui
    What? Apologize?
[12:56] Kamui
    Are you talking to me?
[12:57] Kamui
    I who only appeared in one episode
    in the second series?
[13:02] Kamui
    I'll kill you.
[13:04] Otose
    Don't be sad because
    it's the last episode!
[13:06] Cath
    You still have We are Old TamaCure!
[13:10] ---
    Empty Smile Ultra Peace!
SIGN    Apologize to the camera!!
[13:14] Tama
    I'm sorry for offending so many
    people in a matter of seconds.
[13:24] Madao
    I'm sorry.
[13:28] Mata
    This is great, Shinsuke-sama!
[13:30] Mata
    We made it in time!
[13:32] Bansai
    It seems that they want us to apologize.
[13:35] Takechi
    I believe we should do
    as they want this time.
[13:45] Mata
    Well, I understand how you feel!
[13:48] Mata
    I understand how you feel, but we
    barely get any screen time as it is!
[13:51] Bansai
    The Kiheitai episode was a little bloody.
[14:01] Taka
    I'm sorry.
[14:03] Taka
    I shouldn't be so violent.
[14:06] Taka
    But I really want to destroy...
[14:10] Taka
    ...the Greater Edo Ordinance Regarding
    the Healthy Development of Youths!
[14:21] Kagura
    This turned into a
    typical random episode.
[14:24] Kagura
    We got all these people here and
    we still can't make it work?
[14:27] Kagura
    Are you zeros?
[14:28] Kagura
    Total zeros?
[14:29] Kagura
    Are you going to spend the
    rest of your lives as zeros?
[14:31] Gin
    Kagura-chan, don't say that.
[14:34] Gin
    We're trying the best we can!
[14:36] Shin
    Exactly! Tell it like it is, Gin-san!
[14:40] Shin
    It's been a mess, but
    we've been apologizing!
[14:42] Kagura
    What are you talking about?
[14:44] Kagura
    We haven't done any apologizing.
    The producers have...
[14:46] Shin
    Hey! Stop talking!
[14:48] Shin
    That's a delicate issue!
[14:49] Shin
    It's gotten pretty touchy!
[14:51] Gin
    Think about it, Kagura.
[14:53] Gin
    We've done some stupid things,
    but we've always apologized.
[14:59] Kagura
    Really?
[15:01] Gin
    Sure!
[15:02] Gin
    Let's look back!
[15:04] Shin
    I-I'm sorry.
[15:06] Shin
    We're sorry! We're really sorry!
[15:08] Shin
    We'll lick your boots, so forgive us!
[15:13] Gin
    Sorry about that.
[15:14] Gin
    I got too cocky.
[15:15] Gin
    I'm sorry!
[15:17] Madao
    I'm very sorry.
[15:18] Sa
    Sorry...
[15:20] Sa
    Sorry.
[15:21] Sa
    Sorry.
[15:22] Sa
    Please forgive me.
[15:25] Zura
    Teehee, I got caught.
[15:29] Zura
    Sorry!
[15:32] Toshi
    I'm sorry!
[15:34] Toshi
    I'm sorry!
[15:35] Toshi
    Please! Please spare my life!
[15:38] Matsu
    Sorry. Bye.
[15:40] All
    We're sorry!
[15:42] Cath
    I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
[15:44] Shin
    I'm sorry!
[15:45] Toshi
    My bad.
[15:46] Kondo
    Oh. Sorry.
[15:47] A
    I'm sorry!
[15:48] B
    I'm terribly sorry.
[15:49] C
    Sorry.
[15:49] Gin
    Yeah, sorry about that.
[15:50] A
    Sorry.
[15:52] B
    I'm sorry.
[15:57] Gin
    We deeply apologize.
[16:02] Kagura
    Oh, we've done more
    apologizing than I realized.
[16:05] Shin
    No idea who we were apologizing to, though.
[16:07] Gin
    Yeah, everybody's forgotten that
    we can be serious at times.
[16:11] Gin
    I'm sure you've all forgotten
    my touching apology.
[16:15] Both
    Touching apology?
[16:16] Gin
    Yes, my touching apology!
[16:22] Gin
    Damn old man!
[16:26] Jirocho
    Kid!
[16:36] Gin
    I'm sorry.
[16:37] Jirocho
    No, I'm the one who's sorry.
[16:46] Gin
    I will keep my promise and survive.
[16:49] Gin
    In return...
[16:51] Jirocho
    You will keep your promise and...
[16:55] Gin
    No, first...
[16:57] Both
    I'm sorry.
[16:59] Gin
    Right?
[17:01] Shin
    The hell are you on?!
[17:02] Shin
    That never happened!
[17:03] Shin
    Don't start rewriting history!
[17:05] Kagura
    You ruined a good scene! Don't
    put words in Jirocho's mouth!
[17:09] Toshi
    I guess this is it.
[17:11] ---
    I'm surprised they even lasted this long.
[17:13] Okita
    Let's go drink.
[17:15] Okita
    Without Hijikata-san.
[17:16] Toshi
    Eh?!
[17:17] Kyu
    Tae-chan, please come drink at my place.
[17:20] Otae
    Oh, that's a good idea.
[17:21] Madao
    Yay! Free food!
[17:23] Tojo
    Lady! I already booked us at !
[17:27] Otose*
    Tama, if Gintoki drinks himself
    cold, take all his possessions.
[17:30] Tama
    Understood, Lady Otose.
[17:32] Cath
    We won't leave a single ass hair.
[17:34] Sa
    Hey! Gin-san's ass hair is mine!
[17:36] Tsu
    What are you fighting about? Foolishness.
[17:40] Zura
    I guess I'll go home and
    take a Joi by myself.
[17:43] Yama
    Don't you mean, take a bath?!
[17:45] Yama
    And you realize that you're
    surrounded by cops!
[17:47] Kondo
    Zaki, that's enough for today.
[17:49] Yama
    Huh?
[17:49] Kondo
    We should go drink instead of wasting
    our time on this Odd Jobs mess.
[17:53] Toshi
    That's true.
[17:55] Toshi
    Well, let's call it a wrap.
[18:00] All
    Huh?
[18:03] Gin
    Th-That's...
[18:05] Gin
    The gorilla author!
SIGN    Me
[18:14] Gin
    That stinks!
[18:17] Gin
    What is this?
[18:18] Shin
    It looks like a letter.
[18:20] Gin
    Kagura, you don't have to stay in
    character, so read this letter.
[18:23] Kagura
    Okay.
[18:26] A
    We would like to thank everyone
[18:29] A
    who has supported the Gintama
    anime this entire time.
[18:34] A
    This show will be ending for now,
[18:40] A
    but it has nothing to do with
[18:44] A
    any trouble we may have caused.
[18:46] A
    And it has nothing to
    do with the fact that
[18:49] A
    the animation staff faithfully
    adapted every dirty joke.
[18:55] A
    And it has nothing to do with the fact
    that I can no longer eat fried chicken.
[19:00] A
    And it has nothing to do with the fact
    that director Fuji** got divorced.
[19:07] A
    There was never any internal strife.
[19:10] A
    The only strife was in
    director Fuji**'s household.
[19:14] A
    If you want a reason, it's because the
    producer suddenly shaved his head,
[19:20] A
    so we could no longer sacrifice
    his hair as a way to apologize
[19:22] A
    when something went wrong.
[19:25] A
    So you don't need to be sad.
[19:28] A
    We promise that when
    his hair is long enough
[19:31] A
    for him to be frequenting
    hostess clubs again,
[19:34] A
    we'll return and shave his head again.
[19:40] A
    So wipe away those tears. Cheer up.
[19:44] A
    We ask someone out there to send director
    Fuji** arranged marriage proposals.
[19:49] A
    This isn't the end.
[19:52] A
    So we don't intend to say goodbye.
[19:55] A
    There's only one thing for us to say.
[19:59] A
    We're sorry!
[20:02] A
    If we ever meet again,
    we'll have reflected
[20:05] ---
    upon our behavior and cleaned up our act,
[20:08] A
    to bring you a powered-up Gintama.
[20:10] A
    That's what it will take.
[20:14] A
    On behalf of the Gintama
    staff, I promise you this.
[20:18] A
    No matter what happens,
[20:21] A
    the Gintama staff and Gintama
[20:24] A
    will never give up (on dirty jokes)!
[20:29] Sorachi
    I want to be a cheese steamed bun!
[20:34] Shin
    Gin-san, the gorilla left.
[20:36] Kagura
    Should we beat him up later?
[20:41] Gin
    Stupid.
[20:42] Gin
    You should know the answer.
[20:44] Gin
    We just kind of popped back up,
[20:46] Gin
    so when it's time to close down,
[20:48] Gin
    we'll pop out!
[20:50] Both
    Yeah!
[20:51] All
    So long, everyone!
[20:54] All
    Sorry that we'll never
    give up (on dirty jokes)!

E253 - Nobody with Natural Straight Hair Can Be That Bad
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Lake Toya
[00:05] Gin
    Hey, I'm back.
[00:12] Gin
    Didn't you hear that Gin-san's back?
[00:15] Gin
    Don't you idiots know how
    to welcome someone?!
[00:22] Gin
    Man, they're so mean.
[00:25] Gin
    Are they upset about the
    six month vacation?
[00:29] Gin
    Seriously, kids need way
    too much attention.
[00:33] Gin
    Hi!
[00:34] Gin
    Long time no see,
    Shin-chan, Kagura-chan!
[00:36] Gin
    How's it going?
[00:37] Gin
    Sorry I ran out on you for so long.
[00:40] Gin
    I brought you some Shinsengumi
    manju, so cheer up.
[00:47] Shin
    Honestly, what were you doing?
[00:49] Shin
    You're late.
[00:50] Kag
    Get dressed.
[00:52] Kag
    We have a visitor.
[00:53] ---
    Oh, yeah, sorry.
[00:54] Shin
    Hurry up!
[00:55] Shin
    Kin-san!
[00:55] Kag
    Kin-chan!
[00:57] Gin
    Kin-san?
SIGN    Be sure to watch Kintama in a well-lit room 
    and sit some distance from the TV!!
[00:59] Kin
    Oh, sorry about that.
[01:02] Kin
    I've got a splitting headache after
    drinking too much last night.
[01:06] Kin
    Sorry about the poor reception.
[01:10] Kin
    I'm Odd Jobs Sakata Kintoki.
[01:15] Kin
    Please have a seat,
[01:18] Kin
    sir.
SIGN    Nobody with Natural Straight 
    Hair Can Be That Bad
[02:56] Gin
    Sorry, I'm in the wrong place.
[03:01] Gin
    What the hell?
[03:03] Gin
    I'm so drunk, I ended up in a different
    anime and pulled a Breakfast Attack.
[03:07] Gin
    Yeah, that was a shock.
[03:08] Gin
    I didn't hear about this
    show being on TV Tokyo.
[03:12] Gin
    It looks like a ratings bomb
    to me, so I'd be worried.
[03:15] Gin
    The last time I saw a
    first episode this bad,
[03:18] Gin
    Gintama was switched to a different
    time slot six months later.
[03:21] Gin
    Maybe I should have
    given them some advice.
[03:24] Gin
    Like, to add a special
    attack or something.
[03:27] Gin
    And Kintama is such a crass title.
[03:30] Gin
    Why not something flashy 
    like Kin no Exorcist?
[03:33] Gin
    They'll need to give that boring
    four-eyes a bunch of moles
[03:35] ---
    and turn him into the
    main character's little brother
[03:37] ---
    if they want the manga
    to sell a million copies.
[03:40] Gin
    And if they're going with 
    a heroine that's a kid,
[03:40] [SONG] Song
    Sada-Sada Haru-Haru
    Gobbles everyone down
[03:41] Gin
    they should make her small 
    enough to be a mascot,
[03:44] Gin
    then make her dance with that dog.
[03:44] [SONG] Song
    Tears everyone up
    Tomorrow will be another bloody day
[03:50] Gin
    The nail in the coffin would
    be the main character.
[03:52] Gin
    He's too polished.
[03:54] Gin
    Nobody's gonna remember a
    guy with straight hair.
[03:56] Gin
    The main character needs wavy hair.
SIGN    Odd Jobs Kin-chan
SIGN    Snack Otose
[04:00] Gin
    Anyway, their faces looked
    awfully familiar,
[04:02] Gin
    despite being a new show...
[04:04] Gin
    Whatever.
[04:06] Gin
    Time to go home.
[04:09] Gin
    Where is home?
[04:11] Gin
    Wait, it's not my hangover.
SIGN    Odd Jobs Kin-chan
[04:13] Gin
    The sign's changed, but 
    that's clearly my home!
[04:17] Gin
    This isn't Ao no Exorcist 
    or Aka no Exorcist*.
[04:21] Gin
    It's Dumb and Dumbercist!
[04:23] Gin
    That was clearly Shinpachi and Kagura!
[04:26] Gin
    The title changed from Gin to Kin.
SIGN    Gintama
SIGN    Kintama
[04:28] Gin
    Gold is more valuable than silver,
[04:30] ---
    but the title's gone down the gutter.
[04:32] Gin
    But everything else about this show
[04:35] Gin
    is clearly Gintama!
[04:38] Gin
    So, so...
[04:39] Gin
    Who is this guy, this man 
    with blond straight hair?
[04:41] Gin
    Who is Sakata Kintoki?!
[04:44] Gin
    I wasn't gone that long.
[04:48] Gin
    What?
[04:48] Gin
    How?
[04:49] Gin
    Why?
[04:51] Shin
    So who was that guy anyway?
[04:55] Kagura
    He kind of reminded me of Kin-chan.
[04:58] Kin
    Really? My head isn't that screwy.
[05:02] Shin
    That's right.
[05:04] Shin
    You were born with straight hair
    and a straight personality.
[05:10] Shin
    Why was the main character's throne 
    changed from silver to gold?!
[05:19] Shin
    Oh, so you have a job for us?
[05:23] Shin
    You just turned around
    and left earlier.
[05:24] Shin
    Is it something difficult
    to talk about?
[05:27] Kag
    Just let it all out!
[05:29] Kag
    Odd Jobs is here to help people!
[05:33] Gin
    Oh, really...
[05:36] Gin
    Then I'll talk.
[05:40] Gin
    The thing is, you see,
[05:43] ---
    I left the house for a while, and when
    I came back, something was wrong.
[05:48] Gin
    The entire anime was wrong.
[05:50] Gin
    I've lost my place.
[05:52] Shin
    Ah, I see.
[05:54] Kag
    Like returning from a business trip
[05:56] ---
    to find your wife with another man?
[05:58] Gin
    Yeah, yeah...
[05:59] Gin
    A strange man was wearing my bathrobe,
[06:02] ---
    digging through my fridge,
    and eating my pudding.
[06:05] Kag
    That would make me mad!
[06:07] Gin
    Right? Don't you want to kill him?
[06:09] Gin
    I'll °°°° the °°°°° °°°° 
    °°° °° °°°° °°°°°!
[06:13] Gin
    I'm gone a few months and °°° 
    °°°°°° °° ° °°°° into my house!
[06:17] Gin
    What the hell is his deal?!
[06:19] Shin
    Anyway, there's some
    paperwork to be done,
[06:21] ---
    so please give us your name.
[06:22] Gin
    Sakata Gintoki.
[06:24] Kag
    Wow, even your name is like Kin-chan's.
[06:27] Kag
    Are you long lost brothers?
[06:30] Gin
    They've completely forgotten 
    about the main character?!
[06:33] Oto
    Stop it, now.
[06:35] ---
    He wouldn't want this
    loser as a brother.
[06:39] Kin
    Hey, that's cold, Gran.
[06:41] Gin
    Gran, too!
[06:43] Cath
    Absolutely, gold is
    much better than silver.
[06:47] Kin
    You're joining in, Catherine?
[06:49] Gin
    And Catherine!
[06:50] Gin
    It didn't take them long to 
    switch from silver to gold!
[06:56] Gin
    What's going on?!
[06:57] Gin
    Did they pawn off five years 
    of memories with Gin-san?!
[07:01] Gin
    How did you erase all the 
    time spent with Gin-san?!
[07:05] Gin
    And worst of all...
[07:07] Kin
    Now, now. Have a drink,
    Gin-san or whatever.
[07:10] Kin
    We may not be related by blood,
[07:12] Kin
    but men can form bonds by
    having a drink together.
[07:15] Kin
    If you're having problems, let me know,
[07:17] Kin
    brother!
[07:18] Gin
    ...he's a much better main 
    character than Gin-san!
[07:22] Kag
    Super, Kin-chan! That's
    why I love you!
[07:24] Shin
    Way to be a man, Kin-san!
[07:26] Gin
    And he's much better 
    liked than Gin-san!
[07:27] Kin
    Well, let's get going.
[07:29] Oto
    Honestly, he's too nice.
[07:31] ---
    Don't do anything stupid.
[07:32] Kin
    Yeah, I'll leave this here to be safe.
[07:36] Kin
    That'll cover this month's rent.
[07:37] Oto
    Hold on. I don't charge
    this much for rent.
[07:42] Kin
    Please, you must be getting old.
[07:45] Kin
    In that case, you might as
    well forget about your job
[07:48] ---
    and go visit a hot spring.
[07:54] Oto
    Come back in one piece!
[07:56] Gin
    And he certainly has enough 
    money to be golden!
[08:00] Gin
    My eyes! This guy is blinding me!
[08:04] Gin
    So my dull silver luster was 
    devoured by his golden shine?!
[08:08] Gin
    That's why everyone forgot about
[08:10] ---
    Gin-san and switched to Kin-san?!
[08:13] Gin
    Seriously?! Are you serious?!
[08:14] Gin
    Gin-san's given you over 
    sixty volumes of DVDs!
SIGN    Year 1
SIGN    Year 2    Year 1
SIGN    Year 3    Year 2    Year 1
SIGN    Year 4    Year 3    Year 2    Year 1
SIGN    Year 5    Year 4    Year 3    Year 2    Year 1
[08:18] Gin
    If you line up sixty volumes of DVDs,
[08:19] ---
    that's enough room
[08:21] ---
    for Tamo-san to take a nap!
[08:22] Gin
    Sleep your heart out!
SIGN    Young Jump
[08:24] Gin
    Meanwhile, that guy's
    only been on a single DVD
SIGN    Kintama 
    Bonus DVD
[08:26] ---
    that came with a volume of manga!
[08:27] Gin
    You can't even fit Tamo-san's
    sunglasses on that!
[08:30] Gin
    He's still wet behind the ears!
[08:32] Gin
    Yet, look at the love he's getting.
[08:36] Gin
    In half a year, while I was gone,
[08:39] Gin
    he's repainted this city, 
    this anime, from silver to gold?!
[08:43] Kin
    So, Bro, about your request...
[08:47] Kin
    Do you want to punish your wife,
[08:49] Kin
    or do you want payback
    on the other man?
[08:52] Kin
    Which would you prefer?
[08:54] Gin
    Neither.
[08:55] Kin
    Huh?
[08:56] Kin
    What do you want to do then?
[08:58] Gin
    Forget about gold and silver!
[08:59] Gin
    I'm going to paint this town red!
[09:03] Gin
    Could you help me carry these DVDs?
[09:09] Gin
    Oh, sorry!
[09:10] Gin
    The sixty volumes are so heavy
    that my hands slipped!
[09:13] Gin
    You're going to die from the impact
[09:15] ---
    of sixty volumes of DVDs to your skull!
[09:16] Kag
    Kin-chan!
[09:17] Shin
    Hey! What are you doing?!
[09:20] Gin
    Kochikame VHS tape collection slam!
[09:22] Shin
    Stop it!
[09:22] Gin
    If I let him survive, it'll be big trouble!
[09:22] Gin
    Complete One Piece DVD collection slam!
[09:23] Shin
    Stop!
[09:24] Shi
    Hey, stop it!
[09:24] Gin
    Naruto slam!
[09:25] Gin
    Bleach slam!
[09:28] Shin
    Didn't you hear me tell you to stop?!
[09:33] Shin
    What do you think you're
    doing to our Kin-san?!
[09:33] ---
    Kin-chan! Kin-chan, get up!
[09:35] Shin
    You're despicable!
[09:36] Shin
    Kin-san was trying to help
    you, a total stranger!
[09:39] Kag
    Kin-chan!
[09:41] Shin
    How could you do this to him?!
[09:42] Gin
    Hold on, Pachi-boy.
[09:44] Gin
    I'm not a total stranger.
[09:47] Shin
    Don't call me Pachi-boy!
[09:48] Shin
    How do you have the nerve?
[09:50] Gin
    Tell me you're lying, Kagura!
[09:53] Gin
    This is all an act, right?
[09:54] Gin
    You're trying to trick me again.
[09:57] Kag
    Get lost.
[09:58] Kag
    Never show your face
    in this town again.
[10:01] Kag
    If you come near Kin-chan
    again, you'll get it.
[10:05] Gin
    W-Wait, Shinpachi! Kagura!
[10:07] Gin
    Who is this Kin-san you
    keep talking about?!
[10:11] Gin
    Didn't the three of us work
    together as Odd Jobs?!
[10:14] Gin
    Are you saying the
    sixty volumes of DVDs
[10:17] ---
    we spent together meant nothing?!
[10:20] Shin
    What are you talking about?
[10:22] Shin
    We spent sixty volumes of DVDs
[10:26] ---
    with Kin-san!
[10:36] Shin
    A-A samurai?
[10:45] Kin
    Enough jabbering.
[10:47] Kin
    Are you in heat, fool?
[10:56] Gin
    Every episode's been edited!
[11:01] Gin
    I-Impossible!
[11:02] Gin
    This is... This is...
[11:06] Gin
    Wh-Who would have done 
    an edit job worse
[11:09] ---
    than To Love-Ru Doki Doki*?!*
[11:12] Kyu
    You think you can beat the 
    lightning speed of my sword?!
[11:15] Gin
    This one, too?!
[11:17] Otae
    Is he okay?
[11:19] Otae
    His hair's so wavy.
[11:20] Otae
    Perhaps he needs help?
[11:22] Kyu
    No, you should stay away from him.
[11:24] Kyu
    He might be one of those
    wavy-haired con artists.
[11:27] Kyu
    Let sleeping waves lie.
[11:29] Otae
    But we can't just ignore him.
[11:30] Otae
    I know. Let's ask Kin-san for help.
[11:33] Kyu
    Yes, Kintoki has helped us many times.
[11:37] Kyu
    He'll know what to do.
[11:38] Gin
    What's going on?
[11:40] Gin
    This DVD is also...
[11:41] Sa
    Guess who?
[11:44] Gin
    Sa-chan!
[11:46] Gin
    Do you recognize me?
[11:49] Sa
    Who are you?!
[11:52] Sa
    That's odd. I thought he was Kin-san.
[11:56] Gin
    So this DVD is also...
[11:58] Tsu
    What do you think?
[11:59] ---
    This is the Kabuki district, where
    Kintoki and his friends live.
[12:02] Hino
    Oh, it reminds me of Yoshiwara.
[12:05] Sei
    Right?
[12:06] ---
    There's strands of torn-out
    hair everywhere.
[12:08] Gin
    And this one!
[12:10] Zura
    Hurry, Elizabeth!
SIGN    Win the Costume  Grand Prix!!
[12:12] Zura
    We've spent six months perfecting
[12:13] ---
    our techniques to use against Kin-chan!
[12:16] Zura
    Why would you do that?
[12:17] Zura
    Cut me some slack!
[12:19] Zura
    Okay, you pass!
[12:20] Gin
    I-I haven't just been forgotten.
[12:24] Gin
    My existence has been wiped 
    clean from this town,
[12:29] ---
    from the sixty volumes of DVDs...
[12:31] Gin
    Sakata Gintoki's accomplishments 
    and history
[12:36] Gin
    have been stolen by Sakata Kintoki!
[12:49] Gin
    Pops, give me another one
    so I can forget everything.
[12:54] Pop
    Honestly, you should
    stop for the night.
[12:57] Gin
    If it's money you're
    worried about, don't.
[12:59] Gin
    You'll forget I was
    ever here soon enough.
[13:03] Pop
    What are you talking about?
[13:06] Kin
    Give me a hot one, Pops.
[13:07] Kin
    One for this guy, too.
[13:09] Kin
    Oh, sir. Thank you.
[13:11] Kin
    There are times when men have no choice
[13:13] ---
    but to drink.
[13:15] Kin
    Right, Bro?
[13:17] Kin
    What happened?
[13:18] Gin
    Nothing.
[13:20] Gin
    I have nothing left.
[13:24] Gin
    Nothing at all...
[13:26] Kin
    Did you lose at the tracks?
[13:28] Gin
    Yeah, something like that.
[13:31] Gin
    I gambled my life and lost
    it all in a single night.
[13:35] Kin
    A golden horse stole victory
    at the very last second?
[13:44] Gin
    B-Bastard!
[13:46] Kin
    Calm down, Bro.
[13:48] Kin
    I bought you a drink
    as a peace offering.
[13:51] Kin
    Sit down and join me.
[13:53] Gin
    Don't mess with me!
[13:58] Kin
    I told you to drink.
[14:00] Gin
    B-Bastard!
[14:04] Gin
    Who the hell are you?!
[14:09] Gin
    What did you do to Shinpachi
    and everyone else?!
[14:11] Kin
    I didn't do a thing.
[14:13] Kin
    Didn't you watch the DVDs?
[14:15] Kin
    They should have been self-explanatory.
[14:17] Gin
    Bullshit! I was the one
    who did everything!
[14:20] Kin
    But how can you prove it?
[14:23] Kin
    You're the only one who believes that.
[14:25] Kin
    Nobody can even remember you.
[14:29] Kin
    I can guess what you're thinking.
[14:32] Kin
    That I'm using illusions
    to trick everyone.
[14:36] Kin
    But there's another way to look at it.
[14:38] Kin
    You're the one who's gone crazy.
[14:41] Kin
    Your memories are all delusions.
[14:46] Kin
    As you watched my success,
[14:49] ---
    you began to think that you were me.
[14:53] Kin
    Maybe, as you were watching
    those sixty DVD volumes,
[14:56] ---
    you were fantasizing that
    they were about you.
[15:00] Gin
    That's impossible!
[15:01] Kin
    But you're the only person in
[15:03] ---
    this world who thinks that way.
[15:05] Kin
    Don't you get it?
[15:06] Kin
    You're the one who's crazy.
[15:09] Kin
    You're the only one complaining.
[15:12] Kin
    Weren't you watching?
[15:13] Kin
    Life goes on just fine without you.
[15:17] Kin
    I dare say it's going better
    than in your fantasy world.
[15:22] Kin
    That's reality.
[15:24] Kin
    Nobody's looking at you.
[15:27] Kin
    Nobody needs you.
[15:30] Kin
    Because I'm here.
[15:32] Kin
    There's no place for you here.
[15:39] A
    Hey, watch where you're going!
[15:41] B
    Hold it right there!
[15:42] A
    I told you to wait!
[15:43] Gin
    Yeah, he's right.
[15:46] Mid
    Damn drunk!
[15:48] Mid
    Don't show your face
    in this town again!
[15:51] Gin
    I'm the one who isn't 
    needed in this world.
SIGN    You Will Not Defeat Me!
[15:56] Gin
    I'm the one who doesn't belong 
    in a prime time anime.
[16:01] A
    Sir, time's up.
[16:04] B
    S-Sir?
[16:06] C
    Wait, look!
[16:07] Mid
    B-Boss!
[16:10] Gin
    I'm burned...
[16:12] Gin
    Completely burned out...
[16:14] Gin
    Not gold, not silver...
[16:17] Gin
    I've been reduced to white ash.
SIGN    The End
[16:23] A
    Don't try to end the show so
    you don't have to pay up!
[16:26] B
    It's not over yet! There's
    plenty more to come!
[16:29] B
    Stand up!
[16:30] B
    Stand up, bastard!
[16:48] Gin
    Shut up, dog.
[16:50] Gin
    Leave me alone.
[16:51] Gin
    You can ignore a side
    character like me.
[16:57] Gin
    I told you to go away...
[17:05] Gin
    Sadaharu...
[17:15] Gin
    Sadaharu, do you recognize me?
[17:20] Tama
    I found you.
[17:22] Tama
    The gold hasn't gotten to
    one person, one animal,
[17:29] Tama
    and one machine.
[17:32] ---
    I've been looking for you, Master Gintoki.
[17:37] Gin
    Ta-Tama...
[17:38] Gin
    Why are you...
[17:40] Tama
    Do not worry.
[17:42] Tama
    The rest of the world may
    have forgotten about you,
[17:45] ---
    but you will always
    remain in my data bank.
[17:48] Tama
    Because I always hold
    the reset button when
[17:50] ---
    I turn off the power and go to sleep.
[17:53] Tama
    I'm sure you do the same thing.
[17:58] Tama
    True,
[18:00] ---
    your luster may not have
    been as bright as gold...
[18:03] Tama
    You only shined on occasion.
[18:08] Tama
    You were always arguing and fighting.
[18:12] Tama
    You had wavy hair. You were lazy.
[18:15] Tama
    You were the king of sexual harassment.
[18:17] Tama
    You never paid the rent.
[18:19] Tama
    You paid your people late.
[18:21] Tama
    Still, you were brighter than
    the fake glint of gold plating.
[18:26] Tama
    When you were angry, your
    entire soul was enraged.
[18:29] Tama
    When you laughed, you laughed
    with all your heart.
[18:33] Tama
    Your silver was much more beautiful.
[18:42] Tama
    You haven't forgotten
    that light, have you?
[18:45] Tama
    You haven't allowed that fake
    light to trick you, have you?
[18:50] Tama
    In that case, you should stand
    up and take this sword
[18:55] Tama
    to repaint this world that
    has been repainted gold.
[19:01] Tama
    You will never lose to Sakata Kintoki.
SIGN    Kin-chan has your back Odd Jobs Kin-chan
[19:04] Tama
    You won't lose to a blond.
    You won't lose to straight hair.
[19:08] Tama
    You won't lose to gold.
SIGN    Lake Toya
[19:10] Tama
    Try to remember what
    color your soul is.
[19:19] Gin
    I haven't forgotten.
[19:21] Gin
    I will never forget.
[19:24] Gin
    My soul has been colored
    by every one of you fools.
[19:31] Gin
    It's a dirty silver!
[19:49] Gin
    This isn't over yet.
[19:54] Gin
    I'm just getting started.
SIGN    Gintama Episode 253 Nobody with Straight Blond Hair  Can Be That Good
SIGN    Nobody with Straight Blond Hair 
    Can Be That Good
[20:12] Gin
    We're taking back our color.
[20:14] Gin
    We're taking down this world of gold!
SIGN    Gintama Episode 253
    Nobody with Straight Blond Hair 
    Can Be That Good
[20:18] Gin
    Let's go!
SIGN    Odd Jobs Kin-chan
[20:25] Gin
    Uh, excuse me.
[20:27] Gin
    Is Kintoki-kun here?
[20:29] Kin
    Sorry, I'm taking a bath right now.
[20:32] Kin
    Could you wait a bit?
[20:33] Gin
    Oh, it's okay.
[20:35] Gin
    Then I'll leave this letter
    of challenge here.
[20:38] Gin
    Oh, maybe I should just come back.
[20:40] Tama
    What are you doing?
[20:42] ---
    Are you here to fool
    around? Are you an idiot?
[20:44] Gin
    Well, for some reason, it feels awkward
[20:46] ---
    to step inside my own home,
[20:47] Gin
    but at the same time, I don't
    want to wreck my own place.
[20:50] Tama
    Come over here.
[20:51] ---
    Do you believe we can
    win without a plan?
[20:57] Tama
    I'll be blunt.
[20:58] ---
    The way things stand now, it's
    impossible for you to win.
[21:01] Gin
    Didn't you just say I will never lose?
[21:03] Tama
    Straight blond hair, honest,
    and fairly well-off.
[21:07] Tama
    How could you ever defeat
    someone who has conquered
[21:11] ---
    every one of your weaknesses?
[21:13] Gin
    Huh? What?
[21:14] Gin
    Are you trying to beat my ass
[21:16] ---
    or tear my rectum out of my ass?
[21:18] ---
    Which is it?
[21:19] Tama
    I'm beating your ass with your rectum.
[21:21] Tama
    Start by reading this.
[21:23] Tama
    You must know your enemy
    before you can start a war.
[21:27] Gin
    An instruction manual?
    Are you serious?
SIGN    Instruction Manual Confidential
[21:30] Gin
    How am I supposed to find
    information about him in here?
[21:32] Gin
    He's not a plastic model.
[21:37] Kin
    Sorry to keep you waiting.
[21:40] Kin
    I was washing my head.
[21:45] Kin
    Huh? Nobody's here?
[21:49] Tama
    Yes, Sakata Kintoki was created
[21:52] ---
    by Gengai-sama at the request of
[21:54] Tama
    Shinpachi-sama and Kagura-sama
    as a substitute Odd Jobs leader.
[21:58] Tama
    A perfect Sakata Gintoki who
    had overcome his weaknesses.
SIGN    Ginpla Collection Perfect Kintoki
[22:06] Tama
    The Perfect Super Golden Alloy,
    Sakata Gintoki Unit 02.
[22:10] Tama
    Or Kin-san, for short.
SIGN    To be continued...
SIGN    Kintoki and Gintoki
[23:46] Kin
    Next time on Kintama:
[23:47] Kin
    Kintoki and Gintoki.

E254 - Kintoki and Gintoki
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] Gin
    So, so...
[00:01] Gin
    Who is this guy, this man
    with blond straight hair?
[00:04] Gin
    Who is Sakata Kintoki?!
[00:05] Shin
    Why was the main character's throne
    changed from silver to gold?!
[00:12] Gin
    Sakata Gintoki's accomplishments
    and history
[00:14] Gin
    have been stolen by Sakata Kintoki!
[00:17] Tama
    In that case, you should stand
    up and take this sword.
[00:21] Gin
    We're taking back our color.
[00:23] Gin
    We're taking down this world of gold!
[00:25] Kin
    Sorry to keep you waiting.
[00:28] Kin
    I was washing my head.
[00:31] Tama
    Yes, Sakata Kintoki was created
SIGN    Odd Jobs Kin-chan
SIGN    Snack Otose
[00:33] ---
    at the request of Shinpachi-sama
    and Kagura-sama.
[00:36] Tama
    The Perfect Super Golden Alloy,
    Sakata Gintoki Unit 02.
[00:40] Tama
    Or Kin-san, for short.
[02:14] Gin
    A perfect Sakata Gintoki who
    had overcome his weaknesses...
[02:22] Gin
    Wait? What?
[02:24] Gin
    Are you saying that...
[02:26] Gin
    What are you saying?
[02:28] Tama
    He's a plastic model.
[02:30] Gin
    Ah, he's a plastic model.
[02:33] Gin
    How am I supposed to
    believe that, fool?!
[02:34] Gin
    That's too simple!
[02:36] Gin
    How about some details?!
[02:37] Gin
    How can he be a plastic model?!
[02:38] Gin
    You must be lying!
    Tell me you're lying!
[02:40] Tama
    The newer plastic models come
    with detail before assembly.
[02:43] Gin
    That's not what I meant!
[02:45] Gin
    Why does this even exist?!
[02:46] Gin
    Why has it taken over this anime?!
[02:48] Tama
    As I explained earlier...
SIGN    Doll House
[02:51] Shin
    I can't believe our leader
    ditched us at such a busy time.
[02:56] Kag
    No kidding.
[02:57] ---
    We need every hand we can get.
[02:59] Gen
    I can't offer any hands,
    but I can provide help.
[03:01] Both
    Huh?
[03:02] Gen
    I've been working on this
    useless toy for a while.
[03:06] Tama
    Gengai-sama first built the
    robot to serve as an assistant.
[03:11] Tama
    But then they decided to
    use it as a substitute leader
[03:14] Tama
    since you were gone all the time.
[03:17] Tama
    Yes...
[03:18] Tama
    That was...
[03:19] Tama
    Perfect Gintoki Unit 01.
[03:21] Kag
    Yes! This is great!
[03:23] Gin
    Is that what the leader is used for?
[03:24] Gen
    You feel better now, right?
[03:26] Tama
    In the beginning, it still
    resembled Master Gintoki.
[03:29] Kag
    I thought his hair was more wavy.
[03:31] Tama
    But then they began
    making improvements
[03:32] ---
    to make it more
    like the Odd Jobs leader.
[03:35] Gin
    No, that's the wrong leader!
[03:36] ---
    He leads a different trio!
[03:37] Tama
    This was a better leader.
[03:39] Tama
    This was the leader they wanted.
[03:41] Tama
    At some point, they began customizing
[03:42] ---
    the robot into their ideal leader.
[03:44] Gen
    How's this?
[03:45] Shin
    Looks good.
[03:46] Shin
    Okay, I'm up next then.
[03:50] Shin
    Die, Gintoki!
[03:52] Shin
    Give me more screen time!
[03:56] Tama
    It was no longer Master Gintoki.
[04:00] Kin
    Hey, freaks.
[04:03] Kin
    What's so fun about beating
    up a helpless man?
[04:05] Kin
    And you're supposed to
    be Odd Jobs members?
[04:07] Tama
    They had created their ideal leader.
[04:09] Tama
    A perfect leader that
    surpassed the original.
[04:12] Kin
    If you're going to do
    dirty business, quit now.
[04:18] Tama
    Covering silver...
[04:20] Kin
    Stand up. Come with me.
[04:22] Kin
    Today is the birthday
    of the New Odd Jobs!
[04:25] Tama
    ...with brilliant gold.
[04:28] Tama
    Things took off from there.
[04:30] Tama
    He led Odd Jobs on a
    campaign of good deeds.
[04:34] Tama
    Word spread and Odd Jobs quickly became
[04:38] ---
    accepted as heroes by the town.
[04:41] Tama
    However, he didn't stop after taking
    over as the new face of Odd Jobs.
[04:45] Tama
    In order to fulfill his one and only
    duty, to replace Master Gintoki,
[04:50] Tama
    he made every person in this town forget
[04:55] ---
    the real Odd Jobs leader, you.
[04:59] Tama
    He used special hypnotic waves
    to manipulate their brains
[05:03] Tama
    so they would replace you
    with him in their memories.
[05:10] Tama
    Sadaharu-sama and I are the
    only ones who weren't affected
[05:13] Tama
    because his hypnosis didn't
    work on machines or animals.
[05:17] Tama
    Do you understand now, Master Gintoki?
[05:19] Tama
    His goal...
[05:22] Tama
    Kintoki's goal...
[05:25] Tama
    ...is to completely replace
    the original Odd Jobs leader.
[05:27] Tama
    In other words, to become
    the real Odd Jobs leader.
[05:34] Gin
    The hell?!
[05:36] Gin
    Why did you just sneak in the
    episode title Bleach style?!
[05:39] Gin
    This is turning into a different anime!
[05:40] Gin
    This is how we roll!
SIGN    Kintoki and Gintoki
[05:44] Tama
    That's wrong too.
[05:47] Tama
    Anyway, one day is all it
[05:49] ---
    should take for you to
    understand what's happened.
[05:51] Gin
    One day was all it took for them
    to switch from silver to gold.
[05:55] Gin
    Why am I letting a plastic
    model dictate my life?!
[05:57] Gin
    I'm not Kyoshiro!
[05:59] Gin
    You people need to take responsibility
    for creating the monster!
[06:00] Tama
    Unfortunately, Gengai-sama
    was also brainwashed.
[06:03] Tama
    The creature is out of
    the creator's control.
[06:07] Tama
    If you intend to take him on,
[06:08] ---
    you'll be going up against
    all of your friends.
[06:14] Tama
    First, we must help
    everyone remember you.
[06:17] Gin
    Is that possible?!
[06:19] Tama
    While your past accomplishments
    have been overwritten,
[06:22] Tama
    the only difference is straight
    hair instead of wavy,
[06:25] Tama
    and nothing you did was changed.
[06:29] Tama
    In other words, there
    is a disconnect because
[06:31] ---
    perfect Kintoki behaved
    like a buffoon in the past.
[06:35] Gin
    Wait, what's that supposed to mean?
[06:37] Tama
    If we bring out that disconnect,
    their memories may return.
[06:42] Tama
    We'll need their help to defeat Kintoki.
[06:47] Tama
    You must take back your friends.
SIGN    Tenny's
[06:49] Tama
    Help them remember the man
    called Sakata Gintoki.
SIGN    Snack Smile
[06:55] Otae
    Oh, I'm very worried.
[06:57] Otae
    Do you know where
[06:59] ---
    Tama-san and Sadaharu-kun
    may have gone?
[07:01] Kin
    We searched the whole town with Gran,
[07:03] ---
    but we couldn't find them.
[07:05] Kag
    Oh, no...
[07:06] Kag
    What if Sadaharu and
    Tama don't come back?
[07:10] Kag
    I'll... I'll...
[07:12] Kin
    Don't worry.
[07:13] Kin
    You couldn't kill them if you tried.
[07:16] Kag
    Kin-chan...
[07:18] Kin
    I'll find them. Promise.
[07:21] Kin
    So don't look so sad.
[07:23] Kin
    We came here to cheer you up.
[07:26] A
    What's that, Kin-san?
[07:29] A
    I thought you came here to see me.
[07:31] Kin
    Oh, sorry about that.
[07:33] Kin
    Hey, can you bring
    every table a bottle?
[07:37] Kin
    Guys, I'm buying!
[07:39] Kin
    Drink as much as you want.
[07:40] Kin
    In return, let us know if you see them!
[07:43] B
    Kin-san does it again!
[07:45] B
    You can count on us!
[07:46] ---
    We'd do anything for you!
[07:50] Otae
    It looks like Kin-san has
    everything under control.
[07:53] Kag
    Yep.
[07:53] A
    Uh, please wait.
[07:55] A
    We don't allow animals inside.
[07:58] Tama
    As far as I'm concerned,
    humans are all animals.
[08:02] Tama
    Besides, he's a member
    of Odd Jobs Sepia.
[08:06] Tama
    Isn't that right, Master Gintoki?
[08:10] Shin
    What are you people doing?!
[08:12] Kag
    Sadaharu! And Tama!
[08:13] Kag
    You're okay?!
[08:14] Kag
    But why are you dressed like that?!
[08:15] Tama
    We are not Tama and Sadaharu.
[08:17] Tama
    We are Tamagura and Sadahachi
    of Odd Jobs Sepia.
[08:21] Shin
    What's the idea, Tama-san?!
[08:22] ---
    What are you talking about?!
[08:23] Kag
    Hey! Are you the one who made
    Tama and Sadaharu sepia?!
[08:27] Gin
    Excuse me, Otae-san.
[08:29] Gin
    I heard you had work for Odd Jobs.
[08:31] Otae
    Huh? You mean the request to
    repair the karaoke machine?
[08:34] Otae
    But Kin-san's group is on it.
[08:35] Gin
    You should try us instead
    of those slackers.
[08:38] Gin
    I promise that we'll be more useful.
[08:41] Kag
    Hey! First you copy us, and
    now you're stealing our work?!
[08:45] A
    Oh, it's over here!
[08:46] Shin
    Ah! H-Hold on!
[08:49] Tama
    Understood?
[08:50] Tama
    We must steal their glory
    and draw attention
[08:53] Tama
    to help them remember you.
[08:55] Gin
    Yeah, I know. I got this, Matagura.
[08:58] Tama
    It's Tamagura.
[08:58] Gin
    Okay, this is it?
[09:00] Gin
    This is a new model with all
    the parts to TRA-BRYU's "Road"?
[09:02] A
    Yes, that and 300,000 other songs.
[09:04] Gin
    Okay, I got it.
[09:06] Gin
    There isn't enough room here
    so I'll move it over there. Upsie...
[09:09] Gin
    Oh, sorry!
[09:10] Gin
    The 300,000 parts to "Road" are
    so heavy that I lost my grip!
[09:13] Tama
    Master Gintoki!
[09:14] Tama
    Calm down! It's not the
    time to unleash your rage!
[09:15] Gin
    "Road," Part One!
[09:16] Gin
    "Road," Part Two!
[09:17] Gin
    "Road," Part Three!
[09:19] Gin
    Boo!
[09:19] Shin
    Why are you talking like it's a haunted house?!
[09:22] Shin
    Cut it out!
[09:23] Shin
    Why do you keep doing this?!
[09:25] Gin
    Shit, I lost control!
[09:26] Shin
    You've completely destroyed
    the karaoke machine!
[09:28] Tama
    It's fine. He was simply preparing
    this machine for me to dive inside.
[09:32] Gin
    Right, she can communicate with 
    broken machines and repair them.
SIGN    Fresh Oil
[09:39] Tama
    Want a drink?
[09:40] Tama
    So what's wrong? You look blue.
[09:43] Tama
    You still can't forget
    about Mr. Steamer?
[09:45] Gin
    There we go! Machines on 
    their afternoon break!
[09:48] Tama
    I told you to give up on him.
[09:50] Tama
    He's not going to leave his wife.
[09:52] Tama
    Plus, he's been cooking it up every
    night with Telly the receptionist.
[09:57] Tama
    He's always ready to move
    on to his next target.
[10:01] Tama
    If you let that man play you,
[10:03] ---
    it won't be long before
    you're fizzled out.
[10:06] Tama
    Oh, there's a mixer with Dyson
    from Foreign Capital tonight.
SIGN    Dyson
[10:10] Gin
    Go, Tama!
[10:11] Gin
    Show them the true power of Odd Jobs!
[10:13] Kin
    Wait.
[10:15] Kin
    Mr. Steamer wants to talk.
[10:17] Gin
    H-He can also communicate?!
[10:20] Kin
    Mr. Steamer was turned
    off a long time ago.
[10:24] Kin
    Ever since he returned
    from a business trip
SIGN    Healsio
[10:26] ---
    to find his wife cooking
    it up with Healsio.
[10:28] Kin
    After that...
[10:30] Kin
    He turned to you and
    Telly out of loneliness.
[10:32] Kin
    But you should know well that
    he can no longer cook anyone.
[10:36] Tama
    You mean that Karaoky and
[10:38] ---
    Mr. Steamer had a platonic relationship?
[10:39] Kin
    When you went to the karaoke bar,
[10:42] ---
    he felt himself get a little warm,
[10:44] ---
    even though he wasn't turned on.
[10:46] Tama
    He's lying! Don't be fooled!
[10:47] Tama
    Mr. Steamer would never say that!
[10:49] Kin
    Could you play that song for him again?
[10:52] Tama
    Don't, Karaoky!
[10:55] Otae
    And cry on your own...
[10:59] Otae
    Then you'll shine bright,
[11:01] Otae
    Ultra Soul!
[11:03] All
    Hey!
[11:05] Shin
    Way to go, Kin-san!
[11:06] Shin
    You always come through!
[11:07] Kag
    I'm up next!
[11:08] Kag
    Let me sing!
[11:13] Kyu
    As you can see, after
    I gave him a scolding,
[11:16] ---
    he's refusing to come down.
[11:18] Kyu
    I'm not sure what to do,
    so I went to you.
[11:20] Gin
    Okay, okay. I got this one.
[11:21] Gin
    Rise of the Planet of the Apes, right?
[11:24] Gin
    We can handle this.
[11:25] Shin
    Hey!
[11:25] Shin
    Cut it out already!
[11:26] Shin
    Can you stop butting in?!
[11:28] Gin
    Damn! This time, I'm 
    going to steal the show!
[11:35] Gin
    Sadahachi's on the move!
SIGN    Translation: So what's wrong? You look blue.
[11:36] Gin
    Can he communicate with other animals?!
[11:39] Gin
    Nope, it didn't work!
[11:40] Gin
    Dogs and monkeys just don't get along!
[11:42] Kin
    That's enough.
[11:44] Kin
    I don't know what you were
    saying, but I can say this.
[11:49] Kin
    I understand you.
[11:51] Kag
    Wow, Kin-chan! You were instantly
    able to understand him!
[11:53] Gin
    Hold on!
[11:54] Gin
    That's not Kin-san!
[11:56] Gin
    That's not the Odd Jobs leader!
[11:57] Gin
    Look closely! That's a different leader!
[12:00] Gin
    Everybody together now...
[12:04] Kin
    Then you'll shine bright,
[12:06] Kin
    Ultra Soul!
[12:08] All
    Hey!
[12:08] Gin
    Why do you have to end everything
    with a performance of Ultra Soul?!
[12:12] Gin
    And Tama!
[12:12] Gin
    Why are you guys over there?!
[12:14] C
    Stop! Come down!
[12:17] Sa
    Stay away! I'm going to jump!
[12:19] Tsu
    Apparently, her favorite customer
    was stolen by a harlot.
[12:23] Tsu
    I'll never understand romantic
    affairs. It's beyond me.
[12:27] Gin
    I'm feeling blue.
[12:29] Gin
    I'd like to be alone,
    so can you go away?
[12:31] Shin
    There's someone who's completely blue!
SIGN    Green Tea
[12:34] Kin
    Calm down.
[12:35] Kin
    Care to join me for a
    drink before you die?
[12:38] Shin
    Kin-san's also up there!
[12:39] Tama
    Master Gintoki, this is 
    a direct showdown!
[12:41] Tama
    You can't lose!
[12:44] Sa
    Stay back! Leave me alone!
[12:46] Kin
    If you wanted to be left alone, you
    wouldn't try to die in public.
[12:50] Gin
    She just wanted to see the
    gloomy sky one last time.
[12:52] Gin
    Gloomy as I feel inside.
[12:54] Shin
    The other guy's not even
    trying to persuade her!
[12:56] Shin
    He might jump first!
[12:57] Kin
    Let it out.
[12:59] Kin
    It's easier to talk to
    strangers sometimes.
[13:01] Gin
    You can't help me...
[13:03] Kin
    He's not talking to you!
[13:04] Tsu
    Then I'll hear you out!
[13:06] Tsu
    Start talking!
[13:07] Shin
    You're not part of this either!
[13:09] Sa
    Um, this may sound
    strange coming from me,
[13:10] ---
    but I believe you should let
    everything out before you die.
[13:12] Shin
    You too?!
[13:14] C
    Yeah, bro! Tell us what's
    wrong! Cheer up!
[13:16] D
    Don't give up!
[13:17] Shin
    Wait!
[13:18] Shin
    Hey, who's helping who here?!
[13:20] Gin
    Shut up! Don't be nice to me!
[13:22] Gin
    I'm gonna cry!
[13:24] Gin
    I'm glad I met some total strangers who
[13:27] ---
    actually cared about a loser like me.
[13:32] C
    Wait, bro!
[13:33] Tama
    No.
[13:34] Tama
    Jumpers are usually so worked 
    up about their own problems
[13:37] ---
    that they don't pay 
    attention to other people.
[13:39] Tama
    But if they see someone more 
    unfortunate than themselves,
[13:44] Tama
    they will hesitate.
[13:46] Tama
    He's faking it!
[13:48] Tama
    Silver can decipher 
    human emotion in a way
[13:50] ---
    that the golden machine cannot!
[13:52] Gin
    Oh, sorry!
[13:53] Gin
    My heart's so heavy that
    I slipped and fell!
[13:56] Sa
    Stop!
[13:57] Sa
    What are you doing to Kin-san?!
[14:00] Gin
    I-It's you?!
[14:05] Sa
    I just wanted Kin-san to
    give me some attention!
[14:08] Gin
    Sa—
[14:09] Kin
    Gintoki, you're finished now—
[14:19] Tam
    Master Gintoki!
[14:25] Shin
    That was crazy!
[14:29] Gin
    It wasn't crazy.
[14:31] Gin
    I knew you'd be there for me.
SIGN    Odd Jobs Kin-chan
SIGN    Snack Otose
SIGN    Sugar Content
[14:50] Shin
    What exactly happened?
[14:55] Shin
    When I saw him falling,
    my body moved by itself.
[15:00] Tama
    Master Gintoki! Sa-chan-sama!
[15:02] Tama
    Are you hurt?
[15:04] Gin
    Yeah, her head's a little funny,
    but it always has been.
[15:07] Gin
    We're fine.
[15:08] Tama
    Shinpachi-sama, Kagura-sama.
[15:10] Tama
    Thank you very much.
[15:12] Tama
    You've finally remembered Master Gintoki.
[15:16] Both
    Huh?
[15:18] Shin
    What do you mean?
[15:22] Gin
    It's okay, Tama.
[15:24] Gin
    That's how they are.
[15:25] Gin
    It doesn't matter who I am.
[15:29] Gin
    They'll move without thinking
    to save someone in trouble.
[15:32] Gin
    They can't stand around when
    something bad is going down.
[15:35] Gin
    They move without considering
    the consequences.
[15:38] Gin
    Those are the kind of
    fools who join Odd Jobs.
[15:43] Gin
    They haven't forgotten that.
[15:45] Gin
    That's all I needed to know.
[15:47] Gin
    As long as they've got that,
[15:48] ---
    it doesn't matter who the leader is.
[15:51] Kag
    Master Gintoki!
[15:52] Gin
    You saved my life, kids.
[15:55] Gin
    Well, yeah...
[15:57] Gin
    I guess.
[15:59] Gin
    Thanks for everything.
[16:03] Gin
    Take care, Odd Jobs.
[16:08] Kag
    Why did he look so sad?
[16:13] Kag
    Why do we feel so unhappy?
[16:17] Kag
    It's like we've forgotten
    something important.
[16:20] Kag
    Like we threw away an ice cream carton
    lid without licking it first.
[16:25] Shin
    Kagura-chan...
[16:27] Shin
    Wouldn't that just be garbage?
[16:32] Otae
    That's right, and then he used
[16:34] ---
    the karaoke machine to hit
    Kin-san in the head.
[16:36] Kyu
    Oh, so he was acting the
    same when you saw him.
[16:40] Otae
    He's such a strange person.
[16:42] Kyu
    Yes.
[16:45] Otae
    Oddly enough, this seems so familiar.
[16:49] Otae
    Didn't we used to laugh like this before?
[16:52] Kyu
    Don't we laugh all the time?
[16:54] Otae
    I'm having fun now, too.
[16:56] Otae
    But something seems different.
[16:58] Otae
    It feels like something's missing.
[17:01] Kyu
    What's that?
[17:03] Otae
    I don't know...
[17:06] Otae
    But if I had to describe this feeling,
[17:08] Otae
    it's like I've dropped a glove
    in the middle of the road.
SIGN    Hinoya Tea
[17:11] Tsu
    Fool.
[17:12] Tsu
    What are you doing?
[17:14] Tsu
    You should take better
    care of yourself.
[17:16] Sa
    I wasn't planning on dying!
[17:19] Sa
    Besides, Tsu-ki, this
    wouldn't have happened
[17:21] ---
    if you hadn't put moves on Kin-san!
[17:22] Tsu
    When have I ever put moves on him?!
[17:24] Tsu
    That would be you!
[17:26] Tsu
    Honestly, what would have
    happened if that guy wasn't there?
[17:29] Tsu
    In any case, he was crazy.
[17:32] Tsu
    That was beyond reckless.
[17:33] Sa
    Tsu-ki, something's wrong with me.
[17:36] Tsu
    Yes, I know.
[17:36] Sa
    No, that's not what I meant.
[17:39] Sa
    I wanted to thank him,
[17:41] ---
    but my chest started to
    hurt and I couldn't speak.
[17:44] Sa
    This feeling couldn't be...
[17:45] Sa
    I'm not cheating on Kin-san, right?
[17:47] Sa
    I'm okay, right?
[17:48] Tsu
    No, you're not okay.
[17:49] Sa
    Seriously, that's not what I meant.
[17:51] Sa
    I was wondering why I would
    be attracted to this loser.
[17:55] Tsu
    Yes, you're guilty.
[17:56] Sa
    Can you drop it already, bitch!
[17:59] Hino
    That means you're attracted
    to men who fail.
[18:01] Hino
    You're in for a hard life.
[18:02] Sa
    You're in no position to talk!
[18:03] Hino
    But I understand what you're saying.
[18:07] Hino
    Kin-san is a wonderful person,
    but he used to be more...
[18:11] Sa
    What? You've made me curious.
[18:14] Hino
    Then you have to promise
    to keep this a secret.
[18:17] Hino
    He used to be more complex,
    with a peculiar charisma.
[18:22] Tsu
    What's that mean, Hinowa?
[18:24] Hino
    Kind of like...
SIGN    Jump
[18:25] Hino
    A copy of Jump on Thursday that
    everybody's already flipped through.
[18:31] Zura
    Did that really happen?
[18:33] Madao
    No, nothing happened.
    I haven't gotten any screen time.
[18:35] Zura
    At least nothing happened!
[18:41] Zura
    This seems so familiar.
[18:43] Zura
    Didn't we used to laugh like this before?
[18:45] Madao
    No, we barely ever talk.
[18:47] Zura
    But it feels like something's missing.
[18:50] Zura
    I feel like there was
    someone always with us.
[18:53] Madao
    Are you talking about Elizabeth?
[18:54] Zura
    No, when I was out of work,
[18:57] ---
    I killed time by partying
    with that really fun guy.
[19:01] Madao
    Huh? Who are you talking about?
[19:02] Zura
    You know?
[19:03] ---
    We went to an island together.
    Can't remember his name...
[19:06] Madao
    Oh, him!
[19:07] Madao
    I can picture his face, but
    I can't put a name to it!
[19:09] Madao
    It's, uh...
[19:11] Big
    Are you talking about me?
[19:13] Both
    Yes! Big Dadd—
SIGN    Big Daddy
[19:21] Tama
    You're not thinking of doing something
    foolish, are you, Master Gintoki?
[19:25] Gin
    What do you mean?
[19:27] Tama
    Nothing.
[19:28] Gin
    You think I'm going to ditch
    all of this and leave?
[19:32] Gin
    Want me to be honest?
[19:34] Gin
    The hard feelings are gone.
[19:37] Gin
    He did a pretty good job
    after stealing my place.
[19:41] Gin
    He cares about his friends
    and does good work.
[19:43] Gin
    He kept everyone safe while I was gone.
[19:47] Gin
    His past is a lie, but his present is real.
[19:51] Gin
    If that's the ideal leader you wanted,
[19:56] ---
    is it worth taking all of that away
[19:59] Gin
    for me to return?
[20:01] Gin
    I have to wonder.
[20:03] Tama
    Master Gintoki...
[20:06] Gin
    That's why I've made up my mind.
[20:10] Gin
    I want you to promise me something.
[20:12] Gin
    No matter what happens to me,
[20:14] Gin
    even if I fall,
[20:16] Gin
    you won't lay a hand on them.
[20:19] Gin
    In return, I'll also make a promise.
[20:21] Gin
    Even if my friends want my head,
[20:23] Gin
    even if I have no home,
[20:26] Gin
    I will take them back.
[20:28] Gin
    The truth may be harsh,
[20:30] Gin
    but that's the world we've built.
[20:34] Gin
    Tama, don't insult me.
[20:37] Gin
    You stayed on my side through it all.
[20:40] Gin
    You think I'm going to
    run away and let you
[20:43] ---
    live in this strange world alone?
[20:46] Gin
    I'm not going to ditch anyone.
[20:50] Tama
    Master Gintoki...
[20:53] Tama
    Then let's call it a day.
[20:55] Tama
    I need a pillow to charge, so
    I'll be heading back to the bar.
[20:59] Tama
    You'll have to find a place
    to sleep by yourself.
[21:00] Gin
    You're ditching me?!
[21:02] Gin
    Hey! Kintoki knows that
    you're on my side!
[21:05] Gin
    Be careful!
[21:06] Tama
    Master Gintoki, I've realized that
    you will always be yourself.
[21:11] Tama
    Did you think I would be angry
    if you wanted to run away?
[21:17] Tama
    I wouldn't be angry.
[21:19] Tama
    Not if you took me with you.
[21:23] Gin
    Hey, where did you learn that act?
[21:27] Tama
    From the K-drama
    Catherine-sama is watching.
[21:29] Gin
    Okay, I'll add it to my data
    for when I pick up girls.
[21:40] Tama
    I must...
[21:42] Tama
    I must do something,
[21:44] Tama
    or Master Gintoki and 
    Shinpachi-sama's crew will
[21:47] ---
    end up fighting each other.
[21:49] Tama
    However, he hasn't given up yet.
[21:51] Tama
    Even though he's alone, 
    he shows concern for us.
[21:54] Tama
    I must find a way to restore 
    everyone's memory.
[21:57] Tama
    There must be a way.
[21:59] Kin
    Having trouble?
[22:03] Kin
    Want me to lend you a hand?
[22:07] Kin
    Leave it to Odd Jobs Kin-san
[22:10] Kin
    and he'll save the day.
SIGN    To be continued...
SIGN    Kin-san's Kintama
[23:45] Kin
    Next time on Kintama:
[23:47] Kin
    Kin-san's Kintama.

E255 - Kin-san's Kintama
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] Tama
    We'll need their help
    to defeat Kintoki.
[00:04] Tama
    You must take back your friends.
[00:05] Tama
    Help them remember the man
    called Sakata Gintoki.
[00:14] Gin
    I knew you'd be there for me.
[00:19] Tama
    You've finally remembered Master Gintoki.
[00:22] Both
    Huh?
[00:23] Shin
    What do you mean?
[00:25] Gin
    Well, yeah...
[00:27] Gin
    I guess.
[00:29] Gin
    Thanks for everything.
[00:31] Gin
    Take care, Odd Jobs.
[00:35] Kin
    Having trouble?
[00:37] Kin
    Want me to lend you a hand?
[00:40] Kin
    Leave it to Odd Jobs Kin-san
[00:43] Kin
    and he'll save the day.
SIGN    Kin-san's Kintama
[02:21] Tama
    No, thank you.
[02:22] Tama
    Otose-sama needed me to run an errand.
[02:25] Kin
    You're pretty slow for a robot.
[02:28] Kin
    Why don't you stop meddling
[02:31] ---
    and go get some maintenance done?
[02:33] Tama
    Master Gintoki would never be
    so forceful with a woman.
[02:37] Kin
    That's why he can't score any girls.
[02:38] Kin
    I've overcome that weakness of his.
[02:41] Kin
    Since you're refusing my advances,
[02:44] Kin
    and now that people
    are starting to talk,
[02:48] Kin
    I won't spare my ace.
[02:49] Kin
    Be a good girl and listen to me.
[02:51] Kin
    You should know.
[02:53] Kin
    It's better for everyone
    when I'm in charge.
[02:59] Tama
    You're just a piece of junk.
[03:02] Tama
    If you can't even say 
    "I won't spare my rod"
[03:06] Tama
    so it turns into a dirty joke,
[03:08] Tama
    you'll never be better
    than Master Gintoki.
[03:11] Kin
    I've already used my rod.
[03:17] Kin
    Damn, you're using some old oil.
[03:22] Kin
    That explains why you can't
    understand what I'm saying.
[03:27] Kin
    Don't blame me.
[03:28] Kin
    I have to eliminate all loose cannons.
[03:32] Kin
    I will win the hearts of every
    citizen and unite the team
[03:35] Kin
    so I can lay down my
    roots all over this town.
[03:38] Kin
    That is the mission I've been given.
[03:41] Kin
    Don't worry.
[03:43] Kin
    The dog and Gintoki will
    suffer the same fate.
[03:46] Kin
    I'll erase your existence
    from everyone's memory.
[03:49] Tama
    Master Gintoki can't be erased.
[03:52] Tama
    Your weak points were in
    the instruction manual.
[03:55] Tama
    You will no longer be able
    to brainwash anyone.
[03:58] Tama
    If your mission is to erase
    Master Gintoki and replace him,
[04:03] Tama
    my mission is to live
[04:05] ---
    with Master Gintoki and his
    friends until I perish.
[04:10] Kin
    Really? Too bad then.
[04:14] Kin
    Why don't you ask your Gin-san to
    come now, in your final moments?
[04:17] Tama
    Master Gintoki...
[04:20] Kin
    Your worthless leader can't hear you
[04:24] Kin
    if you whisper in such a puny voice.
[04:28] Tama
    You are just
[04:33] Tama
    a piece of
[04:37] Tama
    junk.
[04:40] Tama
    Master Gintoki is
[04:43] Tama
    far more sadistic.
[04:55] Gin
    H-Hey! Hang in there, Tama!
[04:58] Gin
    Can you... Can you see me?!
[05:00] Gin
    Hold on!
[05:01] Gin
    I'll take you to old Gengai!
[05:04] Gin
    I don't care if he's brainwashed!
[05:06] Gin
    I'll crush his balls to get
    him to wake up and fix you!
[05:08] Gin
    So hang in there!
[05:10] Gin
    Give me some time, Tama!
[05:12] Gin
    Hey, Tama! Say something!
[05:14] Gin
    Hey! You promised!
[05:17] Gin
    You said you would
    always be on my side!
[05:19] Gin
    Machines aren't supposed to lie!
[05:21] Gin
    Every homeless person needs
    a dog and a loud radio!
[05:25] Tama
    I'm sorry. I lied.
[05:29] Tama
    It wasn't from a K-drama...
[05:34] Tama
    It was the smoke shop owner
[05:36] ---
    who dropped by from time to time.
[05:39] Gin
    That doesn't matter!
[05:41] Tama
    Please save my data.
[05:44] Gin
    Yeah, I will!
[05:45] Tama
    When I go to sleep...
[05:46] Gin
    Hold the reset button while
    turning off the power!
[05:49] Tama
    Then I will never forget...
[05:52] Tama
    About you, about everyone...
[05:55] Tama
    About the rent you owe...
[05:57] Gin
    You can forget that part.
[06:00] Tama
    So could you let me have one
    last look at your face?
[06:05] Gin
    Don't say that stuff!
[06:08] Gin
    Tama!
[06:09] Gin
    Wake up!
[06:10] Gin
    Open your eyes!
[06:11] Gin
    Open them!
[06:13] ---
    Got it!
[06:15] Tama
    I got a rare shot of
    Master Gintoki crying.
[06:18] Gin
    What kind of setting is
    that for playing dead?!
[06:21] Tama
    That's a pathetic sight
    to remember you by.
[06:24] Gin
    Y-Yeah...
[06:26] Gin
    So forget you ever saw that.
[06:28] Gin
    The next time we meet,
[06:30] ---
    I'll be smiling like a main character.
[06:33] Tama
    I'm holding you to that.
SIGN    20 yen remaining
[06:43] Shin
    H-Hold on!
[06:45] Shin
    What do you mean, Tama-san
    was taken out?!
[06:47] Shin
    Who did it?!
[06:48] Kin
    Who else could it be?
[06:50] Kin
    Pachi-boy, we're going
    to avenge our friend.
[06:55] A
    Hey there, handsome fella.
[06:58] B
    Yes, I'm a handsome fella.
[07:00] B
    Oh, sorry. I'm out of
    money for the month.
[07:03] A
    No, we have a question for you.
[07:05] A
    Have you seen this man around?
[07:07] B
    No, I haven't.
[07:08] A
    I see.
[07:09] B
    Who is he? Did he skip out
     on a bill at the bar?
[07:11] A
    Let us know if you see him.
[07:14] B
    What's going on?
[07:16] B
    Cabaret girls searching for
    someone instead of working?
[07:18] C
    Oh, haven't you heard?
[07:20] C
    Look over there.
[07:21] B
    They're from the Yagyu family.
[07:23] B
    Why are they here?
[07:25] A
    And over here.
[07:25] B
    The Hyakka, the Yoshiwara guards?!
[07:27] A
    Plus...
SIGN    Kin-chan
[07:28] B
    Hey, now. We've got fugitives
    searching for other fugitives!
[07:32] B
    What's going on?
[07:33] B
    Why are all these people here?
[07:35] C
    That guy hurt one of Kin-san's friends.
[07:37] B
    You mean Odd Jobs Kin-san?
[07:40] Kin
    Tama was taken out.
[07:42] Kin
    And my balls were literally taken out.
[07:44] Kin
    I have to make him pay.
[07:47] Kin
    This isn't a matter of
    honor or reputation.
[07:49] Kin
    I'm willing to use any dirty tricks to
[07:51] ---
    chase him down so I
    can avenge our friend.
[07:56] Kin
    So can you guys lend me a hand?
[08:00] Kin
    I will use all the power I have
    throughout the Kabuki district
[08:04] Kin
    to bring down Sakata Gintoki.
[08:08] B
    It was a dumb move to hurt
    one of Kin-san's friends.
SIGN    If you see this man, please contact
[08:12] B
    He's basically antagonized
    the entire Kabuki district.
SIGN    Doll House
[08:16] Mada
    Well, let me know if
    anything comes up, Gramps.
[08:18] Gen
    How am I supposed to contact a
    person who doesn't have a phone?
[08:22] Mada
    Write XYZ on the bulletin
    board by the station.
[08:24] Gen
    Don't bring City Hunter into this.
[08:26] Mada
    Anyway, be careful.
[08:27] Mada
    He's got a grudge against Kin-san.
[08:30] Mada
    We don't know what he'll
    do to Kin-san's friends.
[08:34] Gen
    Hammer.
[08:36] Gen
    You sure about this?
[08:38] Gen
    That was your chance to split
    the head of one of his allies.
[08:41] Gin
    Oh, I'll split heads.
[08:42] Gin
    If you tell me
[08:44] ---
    that you can't fix my friend.
[08:46] Gin
    What about you?
[08:48] Gin
    You're sheltering an enemy.
[08:50] Gen
    Nobody would break Tama,
    then ask me to repair her.
[08:55] Gen
    Besides, I know that humans
    are easily swayed.
[09:00] Gen
    A machine's soul is harder than steel.
[09:05] Gen
    Tama trusted you, so I
    have to do the same.
[09:10] Gin
    Stupid old man.
[09:11] Gin
    That's why you were
[09:13] ---
    brainwashed by your own piece of junk.
[09:16] Gen
    Coming from a main character who
[09:18] ---
    was usurped by that piece of junk.
[09:20] Gen
    What do you plan on doing?
[09:21] Gen
    That piece of junk has the
    Kabuki district locked down.
[09:25] Gin
    Doesn't matter.
[09:27] Gin
    There's only one thing for me to do.
[09:29] Gen
    You'll be fighting against
    your former friends.
[09:31] Gen
    They're the hardest
    foes you'll ever face.
[09:34] Gen
    That's the point of this trap.
[09:37] Gen
    You don't have a chance.
[09:40] Gin
    That would be the logical conclusion.
[09:42] Gin
    Unfortunately, we beasts and animals
    aren't very good at quantification.
[09:48] Gin
    Sadaharu, we're down to one
    person and one animal.
[09:52] Gin
    Is one plus one two?
[09:55] Gin
    Right.
[09:58] Gin
    We'll never be just two.
[10:02] Gen
    Can't quantify human emotion, eh?
[10:06] Gen
    Reckless, foolhardy, rash.
[10:08] Gen
    That's what you're about to do.
[10:09] Gen
    But it's possible that
    could be his weakness.
[10:15] Gen
    He was created to be perfect, so
    he can't understand an unpredictable
[10:21] Gen
    and unquantifiable fool like
     you, Sakata Gintoki.
[10:25] Gen
    I guess I forgot to give him the most
[10:29] ---
    important quality a leader needs.
[10:32] Gen
    I have to stop him.
[10:34] Gin
    Idiot plus two.
[10:35] ---
    You're on board now, old man.
[10:37] Gen
    Yeah, and I promise to bring
    another idiot with me.
[10:41] Gen
    So Gin-boy, don't let
    yourself become zero.
[10:46] Gen
    You're the only one
    who can stop Kintoki.
[11:01] Tojo
    Find him!
[11:03] Tojo
    We must punish the villain who
    injured our lady's friend!
[11:06] Tojo
    Curses, where is he hiding?!
[11:09] Tojo
    Could it be...?!
SIGN    Costume Play
[11:12] Tojo
    I have no choice!
[11:13] Tojo
    I must search every
    single establishment!
[11:16] Tojo
    The rest of you go that way!
[11:18] Tojo
    I'm going in!
[11:20] Kyu
    Where do you think you're going?
SIGN    The Fast Samurai
[11:21] Tojo
    Lady! Do not stop me!
[11:23] Tojo
    It's time to take off!
[11:24] Tojo
    The flight attendants
    are waiting for me!
[11:26] Kyu
    And you call yourself a warrior?
[11:28] Kyu
    There are others around.
[11:30] Kyu
    Don't embarrass me.
[11:31] Zura
    I have witnessed the
    shame of the Yagyu!
[11:35] Zura
    Kyubei-dono, you're too late!
[11:37] Zura
    We've already checked the
    cosplay establishments!
[11:40] Zura
    I don't have a single leg hair left!
[11:41] Zura
    Attention please!
[11:43] Tojo
    Uh, you're the one who
    should be ashamed!
[11:45] Zura
    A true warrior would send his
    leg hair flying for a friend!
[11:48] Tojo
    Wait, why are you providing service?!
[11:52] Zura
    I'm using myself as bait
    to draw in the enemy!
[11:55] Tojo
    You won't get him!
[11:56] Tojo
    You'd only get a UMA that way!
[11:58] A
    Boss, we found someone!
[12:00] Tojo
    Wh-What?!
[12:02] Tsu
    Well? Interested in
    working in Yoshiwara?
[12:05] Tojo
    He landed someone!
[12:06] Tojo
    He landed someone
    completely unexpected!
[12:08] Tojo
    I'm in no position to criticize,
[12:10] ---
    but why are you people even here?!
[12:11] Tsu
    Sorry, I'm not familiar
    with the customs up here.
[12:14] Mada
    Found ya!
[12:15] Mada
    You little cutie, you!
[12:16] ---
    And then we... pan!
[12:18] Tojo
    What kind of dirty business are
    you trying to pull here?!
[12:22] Tojo
    Cut it out already!
[12:24] Tojo
    I'm supposed to be the one
    acting like an idiot,
[12:26] ---
    but I haven't gotten a chance!
[12:27] Tojo
    Say something, Lady!
[12:30] Kyu
    Sorry, it was my fault.
[12:33] Tojo
    Lady...
[12:35] Tojo
    Pull yourself together!
[12:36] Tojo
    What's wrong with everyone?
[12:39] Otae
    We're hesitating.
[12:41] Tojo
    Otae-dono...
[12:42] Otae
    We're not sure what to do.
[12:45] Otae
    Something feels off about
    Kin-san's request.
[12:49] Otae
    What Kin-san is saying doesn't
    match what we've seen.
[12:54] Otae
    He didn't look like someone
    who would hurt Tama-san.
[12:58] Otae
    Especially after he risked his own life
[13:01] ---
    to save Sarutobi-san,
    a complete stranger.
[13:05] Tojo
    Y-You don't trust Kintoki-dono?
[13:09] Otae
    I trust him.
[13:10] Otae
    But that's why we're confused.
[13:13] Otae
    We don't understand why Kin-san
    would ask us to do this.
[13:18] Otae
    Of course, we're happy
    that he trusts us.
[13:21] Otae
    But Kin-san...
[13:23] Otae
    The Sakata Kintoki I
    know wasn't so open.
[13:29] Otae
    He never said a word
    when there was trouble.
[13:33] Otae
    He would always sneak off by himself.
[13:38] Otae
    It didn't matter how many
    enemies there were.
[13:42] Otae
    He would show up with a smirk
    while picking his nose...
[13:46] Tojo
    U-Up there!
[13:51] Gin
    Yo, what's up?
[13:53] Gin
    Why are you looking at the sky?
[13:54] Gin
    Is there a solar eclipse?
[13:56] A
    How dare you show your face here?!
[13:59] A
    I'll only ask you once!
[14:00] A
    Were you the one who hurt Tama-dono?!
[14:03] Gin
    If that's what your golden god says,
[14:06] ---
    you're free to believe him.
[14:09] Gin
    I'm here to flick a booger at him.
[14:18] B
    Go! Grab him!
[14:23] Gin
    Sadaharu...
[14:24] ---
    You haven't forgotten
    our promise, right?
[14:27] Gin
    Don't look back, no
    matter what happens.
[14:31] Gin
    Just run forward.
[14:32] Gin
    You don't need to worry.
[14:35] Gin
    This is business as usual.
[14:37] Gin
    Let's go back home
[14:40] Gin
    where they are.
[14:46] Zura
    What?!
[14:46] Zura
    He's running straight
    through enemy lines?!
[14:48] B
    After him! Don't let him get away!
[14:50] Zura
    Wait! Don't hurt Sadaharu-kun!
[14:52] Zura
    Furry paws can do no evil!
    Aim for the guy!
[14:55] B
    B-But he's bouncing around
    like he's at the rodeo!
[14:58] B
    It's hard to get a read on him!
[15:00] Gin
    Don't look back, no 
    matter what happens.
[15:03] Gin
    Just run forward.
[15:05] Gin
    Let's go back home
[15:07] Gin
    where they are.
[15:17] Tsu
    That was an obvious decoy.
[15:18] Tsu
    Did you really think we
    would fall for that?
[15:22] Gin
    I'm the decoy.
[15:24] Gin
    And as expected, I landed the big fish.
[15:27] Tsu
    Drop your sword.
[15:29] Tsu
    Come with me and—
[15:30] Gin
    Sure.
[15:33] Gin
    I dropped my sword.
[15:34] Gin
    Is it my turn to make a request then?
[15:37] Gin
    Can you move out of the way?
[15:39] Gin
    Once it's all over, you can drag
    me to hell or the bedroom.
[15:42] Tsu
    Wh-What? Do you take me for a fool?
[15:44] A
    Boss!
[15:44] Tsu
    Wait!
[15:46] Sa
    Don't move!
[15:47] Sa
    Don't touch him.
[15:51] Sa
    He's my target.
[15:52] Tsu
    I told you to stay out
    of this, Sarutobi.
[15:56] Sa
    You think I can't kill a
    man who saved my life?
[16:01] Sa
    Laughable.
[16:02] ---
    I won't let you hog all the glory
[16:04] ---
    and win points with Kin-san.
[16:06] Sa
    This job is too big for you.
[16:09] Sa
    I'll take his life after he saved mine.
[16:13] Sa
    That's the kind of dirty
    job I specialize in.
[16:17] Tsu
    Sarutobi...
[16:18] Sa
    Out of my way, Tsu-ki.
[16:20] Sa
    There's no reason for you
    to get your hands dirty.
[16:24] Kyu
    I understand that everyone is unsure.
[16:27] Kyu
    Should we trust Kintoki
[16:28] ---
    or trust what we've seen of this man?
[16:31] Kyu
    However, this job
    requires firm resolve.
[16:34] ---
    You should stand down!
[16:35] Tsu
    What's that?
[16:37] Tsu
    I found him first. I'll do this.
[16:40] Sa
    Get lost. I've got it covered.
[16:42] Kyu
    The two of you can't handle this.
[16:44] Kyu
    Let me take care of it.
[16:45] Tsu
    I can do this!
[16:47] Sa
    I've got this!
[16:48] Kyu
    I'll kill him!
[16:48] Tsu
    I will!
[16:49] Sa
    No, me!
[16:50] Kyu
    I got this!
[16:50] Tsu
    I do!
[16:51] Sa
    No, me!
[16:51] Kyu
    Me!
[16:52] Tsu
    No, me!
[16:52] ---
    Me!
[16:53] ---
    No, me!
[16:53] ---
    Me!
[16:54] Sa
    Blah!
[16:54] Sa
    You've got me all mixed up now!
[16:54] Gin
    Um, you're being very
    considerate of each other,
[16:59] Gin
    but you're not being
    considerate of me at all.
[17:02] Kyu
    Okay, we'll all take turns sticking
    our blades in this barrel.
[17:06] Kyu
    The person who lands the
    final blow gets credit.
[17:08] Gin
    That'd be a lynching!
[17:10] Gin
    Heh, I guess I
    wouldn't mind having
[17:13] ---
    three beauties around when I die.
[17:15] Gin
    But you don't need to feel
    guilty about my death.
[17:19] Gin
    Why don't you all wear blindfolds
    and pretend you're trying to
[17:23] ---
    smash a watermelon
    when you aim for me?
[17:25] Gin
    This way, you won't know who was
    the killer, so there's no guilt.
[17:29] Sa
    Why are you still trying to help us?
[17:33] Gin
    Don't worry about it.
[17:34] Gin
    Well, hold on while I bury myself.
[17:38] Tsu
    Wait!
[17:39] All
    I don't think so!
[17:41] Tsu
    After him!
[17:42] Tsu
    Don't let him get away!
[17:54] Tsu
    Now!
[17:54] Tsu
    Fire!
[17:58] A
    Boss!
[18:06] Gin
    Upsie-daisy.
[18:08] A
    Boss! Boss! Are you okay?
[18:12] Tsu
    W-Wait!
[18:15] Tsu
    What do you think you're doing?
[18:18] Gin
    No idea what you mean.
[18:21] Gin
    See ya.
[18:24] Gin
    Sorry to keep you waiting.
[18:27] Tsu
    Wait!
[18:28] Tsu
    Stop!
[18:30] Tsu
    Are you...
[18:33] C
    Got him!
[18:35] C
    Now, guys!
[18:36] C
    I got him!
[18:38] ---
    Bastards!
SIGN    Looking for a rally partner. Smash hit to your heart.
SIGN    Wanna get sweaty together?
[19:02] Tojo
    Lady!
[19:05] Kyu
    Crap!
[19:11] Tojo
    Lady!
[19:22] Gin
    There's nothing wrong.
[19:24] Gin
    I just see a girl's pretty hand.
[19:45] Sa
    This must be Gin-san's underwear!
[19:48] Sa
    This must be Gin-san's swimsuit!
[19:58] Sa
    Wait a second...
[20:02] Sa
    Didn't you hear me tell you to wait?
[20:11] Sa
    What are you trying to do?
[20:13] Sa
    Who are you fighting?
[20:17] Tsu
    You can barely hold a sword, so why...
[20:20] Kyu
    It almost seems that
    you aren't fighting us,
[20:23] ---
    but protecting us.
[20:24] Gin
    Looks like...
[20:26] Gin
    I underestimated this town.
[20:29] Gin
    We got a whole crowd out in force
    to avenge one person.
[20:34] Gin
    Look at me now.
[20:36] Gin
    But I have to admit that
    I feel pretty good.
[20:40] Gin
    This town is a good place.
[20:51] Sa
    Step away.
[20:53] Sa
    I'm going to kill this man.
[20:56] Tsu
    You should listen to me.
[20:59] Tsu
    I'll do this.
[21:01] Kyu
    Why won't either of you back away?
[21:04] Kyu
    Please... Go away...
[21:08] Sa
    Not when you have that
    look on your face...
[21:12] A
    Lady...
[21:14] B
    Boss...
[21:16] Kin
    What's this?
[21:17] Kin
    Making women cry?
[21:19] Kin
    You're a real piece of work.
[21:21] Kin
    But don't worry.
[21:24] Kin
    I'm here to wipe your ass.
[21:27] Kin
    It's time to settle up.
[21:29] Kin
    Pay attention, guys.
[21:30] Kin
    This is the last moment of
    the Kabuki district's enemy.
[21:36] Kin
    You're finished,
[21:39] Kin
    Gintoki.
[21:42] Tsu
    Don't take another step.
[21:45] Kin
    What's this about?
[21:47] Tsu
    You girls are too stubborn for me.
[21:51] Tsu
    I'm not going to try to stop you.
[21:53] Tsu
    Instead...
[21:54] Sa
    I won't try to stop you either
[21:56] Sa
    since we're thinking the same thing.
[21:59] Kyu
    My memories are a jumble right now,
[22:02] ---
    so I can't know if I should
    trust gold or silver.
[22:06] Kyu
    So instead, I choose to trust...
[22:09] Kyu
    ...the tears of a friend.
SIGN    To be continued...
SIGN    The Meaning of a Main Character
[23:45] Kin
    Next time, on the last
    episode of Kintama:
[23:47] Kin
    The Meaning of a Main Character.

E256 - The Meaning of a Main Character
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    The Meaning of a Main Character
[00:04] Tojo
    Lady?
[00:05] A
    Boss?
[00:06] B
    Sarutobi-dono?
[00:08] Kin
    You're siding with him?
[00:11] Kin
    You're going to betray
    your friends, betray me,
[00:14] Kin
    for a man who attacked your friends?
[00:21] Gin
    What do you think you're doing?
[00:23] Gin
    If you do this...
SIGN    Field Trip Groups
SIGN    Boys
SIGN    Sakata
[00:26] Sa
    Stop it, boys!
[00:28] Sa
    Let Sakata-kun join in!
[00:30] Kyu
    Are you okay, Sakata-kun?
[00:32] Sa
    Teacher, can we let
    Sakata-kun join our group?
[00:36] Gin
    ...I'll feel like that pathetic
    left-out boy who
[00:39] ---
    ends up in a group of girls
    out of sympathy!
[00:43] Kyu
    Kintoki, we trusted you.
[00:46] Kyu
    That's why we're here.
[00:48] Tsu
    So trust us.
[00:50] Tsu
    This man isn't what you think he is.
[00:53] Sa
    The Kin-san I know would back off.
[00:58] All
    If you consider us friends...
[01:04] Kin
    I see.
[01:05] Kin
    I suppose you're representing
    the Yagyu and Hyakka.
[01:11] Kin
    Get out of this town
[01:14] Kin
    with Gintoki.
[01:16] Tojo
    Kintoki-dono?!
[01:17] Kin
    If you're taking that man's side,
[01:20] Kin
    you're an enemy of this town,
[01:21] ---
    an enemy of the Kabuki district!
[01:25] Kyu
    I see.
[01:26] Kyu
    Is that your answer?
[01:39] Zura
    In that case...
[01:39] Both
    We also have our answer.
[01:43] Kin
    What do you think you're doing?
[01:46] Kin
    Women are quick to betray you,
[01:48] Kin
    but men are supposed to have honor.
[01:52] Kin
    Aren't we frien—
[01:53] Zura
    We're friends.
[01:54] Mada
    No doubt about it.
[01:56] Zura
    Kintoki, I once made a
    promise with a friend.
[02:00] Zura
    Never change.
[02:03] Gin
    If you ever change, I'll 
    be there to cut you down.
[02:07] Mada
    Kin-san, a buddy of mine
    used to smack me around.
[02:11] Gin
    Fool! Don't blame everything 
    on your sunglasses!
[02:15] Mada
    That's who we are.
[02:17] Zura
    When we believe you're
    taking the right path,
[02:21] ---
    we stick with you,
    no matter how hard it is.
[02:24] Mada
    But if you're taking the wrong path,
[02:27] ---
    we'll stop you, even if it turns
    the whole world against us.
[02:32] Zura
    That friend is...
[02:33] Mada
    That man is...
[02:35] Kyu
    That idiot is...
[02:36] Tsu
    That lazy ass is...
[02:38] Sa
    That sadist is...
[02:43] All
    Our friend, Sakata Gintoki.
[02:49] Tojo
    Huh?
[02:50] Tojo
    I-I kind of went with the flow,
    but I can't remember a thing.
[02:53] Gin
    Y-You guys are...
SIGN    Middle School Class Reunion
[02:58] Zura
    Yo, it's been forever.
    You been doing okay?
[03:01] Mada
    You still look like a
    loser. Have a drink.
[03:04] Gin
    ...acting all friendly and mature
    at our class reunion as though
[03:08] ---
    you never shunned me
    when we were kids.
[03:11] ---
    Screw you!
[03:19] Gin
    Bastard!
[03:20] Kin
    Impressive, brother.
[03:22] Kin
    So this is the power of
    a bond forged through
[03:25] ---
    60 volumes of DVDs?
[03:27] Kin
    But it's no use.
[03:29] Kin
    You can try to win them back,
[03:31] Kin
    but I can undo your work
    with a wave of my hand.
[03:34] Kin
    Want to know why?
[03:36] Kin
    It's because the main
    character in this anime...
[03:39] All
    ...is Kin-san.
[03:43] Kin
    You thought I couldn't
    brainwash people anymore.
[03:46] Kin
    Tama threw away her life for nothing.
[03:49] Kin
    Come on, let's protect our town.
[03:53] Kin
    This sideshow continues to defy
[03:56] ---
    the main character and his friends.
[03:59] Kin
    Send him packing!
[04:06] Zura
    Go ahead and try!
[04:09] Zura
    But we hold inside us
[04:12] Zura
    ironclad memories of the
    battles we fought together!
[04:16] Zura
    A silver sword lies inside our souls!
[04:20] Gin
    If you think you can
    break those swords,
[04:24] Gin
    break them!
[04:26] Gin
    My hypnotism isn't working!
[04:30] Kin
    Crush them! Beat them down!
[04:32] Zura
    Go!
[04:33] Tsu
    Gintoki!
[04:36] Gin
    Yeah, I'll let you watch my back!
[04:40] Gin
    While...
[04:41] Both
    I handle being the main character!
[05:06] Kin
    I'll obliterate you.
[05:07] Kin
    Erase your memories, your
    friends, your very being...
[05:13] Gin
    You're the one who's
    getting obliterated.
[05:15] Gin
    Let's see if your memory
    bank is fried first,
[05:19] Gin
    or if my soul burns out first.
[05:23] Gin
    Let's finish this.
[05:26] Kin
    Whether gold or silver wins
    this battle for existence,
[05:29] ---
    you will be the one who disappears.
[05:32] Kin
    I installed a special program
    in myself that will activate
[05:36] ---
    when certain conditions are met.
[05:38] Kin
    This program will cause
    a hypnotic explosion
[05:40] ---
    that will blanket the
    entire Kabuki district
[05:43] Kin
    and reset everyone's memory.
[05:47] Kin
    There are two conditions.
[05:49] Kin
    The first is when my core is broken.
[05:52] Kin
    The second
[05:54] Kin
    is about to happen.
[05:58] Otae
    Shin-chan! Kagura-chan!
[06:00] Otae
    What are you doing here?!
[06:02] Otae
    Come on! Pull yourself together!
[06:05] Shin
    Sis...
[06:07] Shin
    We remembered everything.
[06:11] Shin
    Who Sakata Kintoki really is,
[06:14] Shin
    who Sakata Gintoki really is...
[06:18] Shin
    The person who altered our
    memories just restored them.
[06:22] Shin
    After that, we lost consciousness.
[06:25] Kag
    Boss lady, we did terrible
    things to Gin-chan.
[06:30] Kag
    How do we say we're sorry?
[06:33] Kag
    How can we make up?
[06:38] Otae
    Stand up, you two.
[06:41] Otae
    Let's go back to our leader.
[06:45] Kin
    The second is when the four people
[06:48] ---
    who started this all appear before me.
[06:55] Kin
    Understand?
[06:58] Kin
    If you defeat me or
    recover your friends,
[07:03] Kin
    everything will end.
[07:05] Kin
    That was my true objective.
[07:08] Kin
    You thought I wanted to take
    over this lousy anime?
[07:11] Kin
    Sorry, but I'm not going
[07:12] ---
    to be satisfied with
    your sloppy seconds.
[07:15] Kin
    I take everything from you
[07:17] ---
    and become the worst
    enemy you've ever faced.
[07:21] Kin
    But still, you're able to recover
    your friends singlehandedly
[07:25] ---
    and work together to defeat me.
[07:28] Kin
    Yes, that is what I was hoping
    to see in this final battle.
[07:34] Kin
    I wanted to give this
    show its last episode
[07:37] Kin
    so I could return as the main character
[07:39] ---
    of a show that was neither
    Gintama nor Kintama.
[07:44] Kin
    Sakata Gintoki, this anime returned
[07:49] Kin
    as a tombstone to mark an end
    to your pathetic existence,
[07:54] ---
    to this joke of an anime.
[07:57] Kin
    Well done.
[07:59] Kin
    You and your friends have
[08:02] ---
    made the atmosphere perfect
    for a final episode.
[08:06] Kin
    Don't worry about me.
[08:08] Kin
    I've backed up my data
    and prepared a new body.
[08:12] Kin
    Rest easy.
[08:14] Kin
    The finale will be very soon.
[08:18] Gin
    That's it?
[08:20] Gin
    Is that all you have to say?
[08:26] Gin
    Sorry, you took so long that I
    missed half of what you said.
[08:32] Kin
    Y-You'll pay for ignoring my warning!
[08:35] Kin
    If you kill me...
[08:36] Gin
    You're finished, right?
[08:41] Kin
    B-Bastard...
[08:44] Kin
    You think you can end this yourself?
[08:47] Kin
    Without recovering
    everything you've lost?
[08:55] Gin
    Nothing's going to end.
[09:00] Gin
    Except for
[09:03] Gin
    you and me, brother.
[09:06] Kin
    Seppuku?!
[09:07] Kin
    You'll lose more than your memories!
[09:09] Kin
    You're going to cripple yourself!
[09:11] Gin
    That's just fine.
[09:12] Gin
    Everyone else forgot about me.
[09:15] Gin
    It's my turn to forget.
[09:17] Kin
    Fool!
[09:18] Kin
    Have you forgotten that I've
    made a copy of myself?!
[09:22] Gin
    I have my own copies.
[09:26] Gin
    They don't listen to a word I say,
[09:29] ---
    but they share the same soul.
[09:32] Gin
    Listen up, Kintoki.
[09:34] Gin
    The main character in Gintama
[09:37] Gin
    is every last idiot alive in this show!
[09:46] Kag
    Gin-chan!
[09:50] Gin
    Can I hold him back by myself?!
[09:57] Gin
    Sorry, everyone.
[09:59] Gin
    You finally remembered me,
[10:02] ---
    but I doubt we'll be 
    seeing each other again.
[10:04] Gin
    I was hoping to see your 
    stupid faces one last ti—
[10:11] Shin
    Sorry, Gin-san. We kept you waiting.
[10:14] Kag
    We won't let you go off
    by yourself, Gin-chan.
[10:17] Kag
    We'll always be together.
[10:20] Otae
    Don't worry.
[10:22] ---
    We won't forget you this time.
[10:24] Otae
    If you forget about me, I'll punch you.
[10:30] Gin
    Fools...
[10:32] Gin
    Now that you're here, this
    anime is really going to end!
[10:36] Gin
    And it just started again!
[10:38] Shin
    That's not true.
[10:40] Shin
    You'll be there.
[10:41] Shin
    We'll all be there
[10:43] Shin
    to save the day.
[10:50] Kag
    So it doesn't matter how
    many times we forget,
[10:53] ---
    how many times we're separated.
[10:55] Kag
    Isn't that right, Gin-chan?
[10:59] Gin
    Yeah...
[11:02] Gin
    I'll find you.
[11:06] Gin
    We'll see each other again.
[11:45] Toki
    A sword isn't meant to be
    sheathed in underwear.
[11:49] Toki
    It belongs in a scabbard.
[11:52] Toki
    I don't think I can be
    your scabbard anymore,
[11:56] Toki
    but I'm sure there's a girl out there
[11:59] ---
    who's worthy of being your scabbard,
[12:01] Toki
    so you must find her
    so you can be happy.
[12:04] Kin
    I don't wanna.
[12:05] Kin
    I want Tokiko-chan.
[12:08] Toki
    Geez, you're so stupid.
[12:12] Toki
    Will you make me a promise then?
[12:15] Toki
    If I'm reincarnated,
    I'll find you again.
[12:20] Toki
    So promise you'll also find me.
[12:24] Kin
    Uh-huh, I promise.
[12:27] Kin
    I'll find my precious scabbard.
SIGN    Mantama
SIGN    aren't cute at all.
SIGN    Sponsors
    
    
    Oedo Expendables
    Matsuo & Kiyo Drugstore
    
    
    °Not real sponsors. We made them up.
SIGN    Gold and silver
SIGN    The new show Mantama
SIGN    begins now.
SIGN    Sponsors
    
    
    
    
    Andromeda Sweets Shop
    
    
    °Not real sponsors. We made them up.
SIGN    Episode 1: A Man's Sword
[13:50] Kin
    Love Country.
SIGN    Be sure to watch Mantama in a well-lit room 
    and sit some distance from the TV!
[13:53] Kin
    There was a time, long ago, when our
[13:55] ---
    country was called by that name.
SIGN    20 Years Ago
[13:57] Kin
    Twenty years ago, a mysterious
    building appeared out of nowhere
[14:03] Kin
    and spread a mysterious virus
[14:06] Kin
    that caused every man's
    pride to rot and fall off.
[14:11] Kin
    Where men and women once talked of love,
[14:14] Kin
    we now had trannies and women bitching.
[14:17] Kin
    Where men and women once spoke of love...
[14:20] A
    Fantabulosa!
[14:21] Kin
    ...was all that remained.
[14:23] Kin
    However, there was one last samurai
    with a resistance to the virus,
[14:27] ---
    whose sword of steel remained strong.
[14:30] Kin
    Sakata Kintoki.
[14:32] Kin
    Yes, he was the last hope for mankind.
[14:36] Kin
    The man who had the right to
    claim every woman on the planet,
[14:40] Kin
    but instead continued to search
    for a single scabbard.
[14:42] Kin
    That man was me.
[14:44] A
    Good morning, Sakata-kun!
[14:45] A
    Let's go to school together!
[14:47] B
    I made an extra lunch today.
[14:49] B
    Would you like it?
[14:50] C
    Sakata-kun promised to
    have lunch with me!
[14:54] D
    What are you talking about?
    He promised me, too.
[14:56] Kin
    Sorry, but I don't remember making
[14:58] ---
    any promises to you girls.
[15:00] Kin
    My promise is to someone else.
[15:02] Kin
    A promise that was made
    long before you were born.
[15:06] B
    Huh? What does that mean?
[15:09] Kin
    How much time has passed
[15:11] ---
    since I started looking for you?
[15:14] Kin
    To keep my promise to you,
[15:16] ---
    I changed my sword, my body, into metal,
[15:19] Kin
    so I could remain a man, even 
    if I was no longer human.
[15:23] Kin
    Eventually, the human race will 
    die and I'll be left alone.
[15:28] Kin
    But my sword will never break.
[15:31] Kin
    Even if you're reincarnated 
    as a cockroach,
[15:33] Kin
    you will still be my precious partner.
[15:36] Toki
    Oh no!
[15:37] Toki
    I'm late on my first day
    at my new school!
SIGN    Wham!
[15:42] All
    Are you okay, Sakata-kun?
[15:44] Kin
    Ow...
[15:46] Toki
    Ouch.
[15:48] Toki
    Oops, I screwed up!
[15:53] Kin
    Could it be...
[15:53] Toki
    I'm sorry. Are you hurt?
[15:54] Kin
    Is it truly...
[15:56] Kin
    ...her reincarnation?
[15:59] Toki
    Um, excuse me.
[16:03] Toki
    That's my plastic bottle.
[16:06] Kin
    Sh-Shit!
[16:08] B
    A plastic bottle is stuck on
[16:10] ---
    the only sword left in the entire world!
[16:13] Gor
    What's all this fuss about?
[16:15] C
    Ms. Goriko!
[16:16] C
    It's terrible!
[16:18] C
    Look at Sakata-kun's crotch!
[16:20] Gor
    This is...
[16:21] Gor
    Don't touch it!
[16:22] Gor
    If the main character of
    this anime loses his crotch,
[16:25] ---
    his only unique feature,
[16:27] Gor
    Sakata-kun will no longer be
[16:28] ---
    qualified to be the main character!
[16:29] Kin
    Teach!
[16:30] ---
    Don't make it sound like my
    crotch is all there is to me!
[16:33] Gor
    For now, let's carefully carry
    him to the nurse's office.
[16:36] Gor
    Here we go!
[16:38] A
    Teach! Could you be any less careful?!
[16:41] B
    Look out! There's a
    ball coming your way!
[16:45] E
    Teach! Please go to
    the nurse's office!
[16:48] E
    Thanks, Teach!
[16:49] Kin
    Hold on!
[16:51] Kin
    You've got two balls and
    a bat in your mitt now!
[16:54] ---
    Okay, here I go!
[16:55] Kin
    Wait!
[16:56] Kin
    Those are my balls and bat!
[16:58] E
    Kick off!
[16:59] Kin
    Aren't you playing baseball?!
[17:02] Kin
    She hit the school!
[17:04] Kin
    My sword!
[17:06] F
    What's going on?
[17:08] F
    This came flying into the art room.
[17:11] Kin
    Is it okay?!
[17:12] F
    Yes, there was a broken
    screw in the bottle,
[17:16] ---
    so I repaired it.
[17:17] Kin
    Bon voyage!
[17:20] A
    Sakata-kun's crotch
    has gone bon voyage!
[17:25] Gor
    Okay, let's take attendance!
[17:28] Kin
    It's over...
[17:30] Kin
    I finally found someone who 
    appeared to be her reincarnation,
[17:34] Kin
    but my scabbard is a plastic bottle,
[17:36] Kin
    and my sword has set 
    sail for a new world.
[17:40] Kin
    I can no longer...
[17:44] Toki
    Excuse me!
[17:45] Gor
    Hey, what do you think you're doing?
[17:47] Gor
    You're late on your first day.
[17:48] Toki
    I-I'm sorry.
[17:54] Toki
    Nice to meet you.
[17:55] Toki
    I'm a new transfer student.
[17:58] Toki
    Sorry about being late.
[18:00] Toki
    I was looking for something.
[18:04] Toki
    It took forever,
[18:05] Toki
    but I was finally able to find it.
[18:10] Toki
    Find you...
[18:14] Toki
    Sorry it took so long.
[18:21] Kin
    Tokiko-chan!
[18:26] Toki
    You don't need to cry.
[18:28] Toki
    Didn't we promise
[18:32] Gin
    that we would meet again?
SIGN    Sakata Gintoki
[18:36] Gin
    Let's start over.
[18:38] Gin
    I'm the new transfer
    student, Sakata Gintoki.
[18:43] Gin
    Hey, what's with the look on your face?
[18:45] Gin
    Did you forget the promise we made?
[18:49] Shin
    Of course not.
[18:51] Shin
    It doesn't matter how
    many times we forget...
[18:53] Kag
    How many times we're separated.
[18:55] Otae
    We'll find you.
[18:59] All
    Right, Gin-san?
[19:02] Gin
    There you go, brother.
[19:05] Gin
    Sorry to ruin your main
    character gig, but Mantama
[19:09] Gin
    was created to be your tombstone.
[19:24] Tama
    Did you enjoy your brief
    experience as a main character?
[19:28] Tama
    Did you enjoy having
    everything important
[19:31] ---
    to you taken away?
[19:33] Tama
    That's what you were doing.
[19:36] Kin
    I see...
[19:37] ---
    So that world was a virtual
    one that you created.
[19:41] Gen
    When I was repairing you,
    I added a few safety measures.
[19:46] Kin
    That's why they still
    have their memories
[19:48] ---
    after being hit by the
    hypnotic explosion?
[19:51] Gen
    Heh, they didn't need my help.
[19:55] Gen
    Kintoki, the bond people share
[19:58] Gen
    goes deeper than the memory.
[20:04] Gin
    Tama, I've settled my score with him.
[20:08] Gin
    He's all yours now.
[20:10] Gin
    Boil him, fry him,
    do whatever you want.
[20:13] Shin
    Please wait, Tama-san!
[20:15] Kag
    Can you spare him?!
[20:18] Shin
    We were the ones who
    asked you to make him!
[20:21] Kag
    He was just trying to take
    Gin-chan's place as our leader!
[20:24] Kag
    He just went too far!
[20:27] Shin
    We'll join him in begging
    everyone for forgiveness!
[20:31] Shin
    Please!
[20:33] Tama
    Did you hear that?
[20:36] Kin
    You people are too soft.
[20:38] Kin
    Gintoki, this is the reality
    of what you've achieved.
[20:42] Kin
    See how your friends are too
    weak to finish off your enemy.
[20:46] Kin
    See how you were too powerless
    to do anything alone.
[20:51] Kin
    Your imperfect character was
[20:53] ---
    destined to fail, even
    without my intervention.
[20:56] Gin
    You're absolutely right.
[20:58] Gin
    I can't do anything alone.
[21:01] Gin
    Everyone here has their
    flaws and imperfections.
[21:04] Gin
    But that's what drives
    us to work together
[21:07] ---
    to make up for those flaws.
[21:10] Gin
    Together, we make the
    perfect main character.
[21:14] Gin
    If you don't believe me,
    you can come back.
[21:17] Gin
    We'll take you on again.
[21:19] Gin
    See ya, imperfect plastic model.
[21:22] Kin
    Wait! Did you say I was imperfect?!
[21:24] Kin
    Take that back!
[21:26] Tama
    No, you are certainly imperfect.
[21:31] Tama
    You were so focused on altering
    other people's memories,
[21:36] Tama
    you didn't realize that other
    people were altering your soul.
[21:41] Tama
    You should treasure the
    life your friends spared.
[21:50] Kin
    Gramps...
[21:52] Kin
    Can you polish me up?
[21:55] Gen
    No idea. I can start by
    making you shiny gold.
[22:00] Gen
    No, shiny gold won't do.
[22:03] Sa
    Gin-san!
SIGN    Gintama
[22:08] All
    Welcome back!
[22:11] Gen
    Let's try making you
SIGN    Gintama Episode 256
[22:14] ---
    shiny silver.
SIGN    We're Back

E256.C - Gintama Classic - It's Your House, You Build It
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] Shin
    -
SIGN    -
[01:31] HATSU
    You're saying work is not all
    right, but you're doing fine.
[01:35] HASEGAWA
    Yeah, kind of.
[01:37] HASEGAWA
    I have some savings from my last job,
[01:40] ---
    so don't worry about me. I'm all right.
[01:42] HATSU
    Are you sure?
[01:44] ---
    Call me if you have any problems.
[01:46] ---
    Are you really all right?
[01:47] HASEGAWA
    Y-Yeah, sure. I live in a
    fairly decent apartment.
[01:51] HASEGAWA
    Yeah, it's really stylish.
[01:54] HATSU
    Really? Then why don't I visit
    soon and clean up your place?
[01:58] HASEGAWA
    No! I don't need you to clean up!
[02:01] HATSU
    I'm sure your room is
    full of trash, right?
[02:04] HASEGAWA
    I said no! I don't want to bother you.
[02:07] HATSU
    What? Is there something
    you don't want me to see?
[02:10] HASEGAWA
    I-It's not like that! I
    keep my room clean! Really!
[02:15] HATSU
    Then I'm looking forward to it.
[02:17] HATSU
    I'll see you this weekend.
[02:18] HASEGAWA
    Ah, wait!
[02:27] GINTOKI
    Hey, I'm jealous!
[02:30] GINTOKI
    She said, "Can I come
    to clean your place?"
[02:33] ---
    You got yourself quite
    a little wife there.
[02:36] GINTOKI
    I guess it's about time for
    you to start over with her.
[02:39] GINTOKI
    Why aren't you living together?
[02:40] GINTOKI
    I mean, go live in that wonderful house.
SIGN    ["It's Your House, You Build It"]
[02:52] DEBT COLLECTOR
    Hello, we'd like to talk to you.
[02:54] ---
    Hasegawa, you're there, aren't you?
[02:59] ---
    Hasegawa!
SIGN    [Please don't look for me. Hasegawa.]
[03:04] DEBT COLLECOTR
    He already ran off.
[03:09] HASEGAWA (M)
    Debt collectors were
    pounding on my door,
[03:12] ---
    and I skipped out.
[03:15] HASEGAWA (M)
    That was two weeks ago.
[03:18] HASEGAWA (M)
    I was all right the first night.
[03:21] HASEGAWA (M)
    I thought I could find
    a new place easily.
[03:26] HASEGAWA (M)
    But...I couldn't find a
    room for rent anywhere.
[03:31] HASEGAWA (M)
    Right, I didn't pay my debts or rent.
[03:34] ---
    I kept doing those kinds of things.
[03:37] HASEGAWA (M)
    So my name wound up on the
    real estate black list.
[03:39] ---
    Those guys don't mess around.
[03:43] HASEGAWA (M)
    Nobody will lend me money anymore.
[03:46] HASEGAWA (M)
    No real estate company
    will rent me an apartment.
[03:50] HASEGAWA (M)
    There's no place for me
    to go here in Kabukicho.
[03:56] HASEGAWA (M)
    I thought I'd be homeless
    for just one day.
[04:00] HASEGAWA (M)
    But...
[04:01] HASEGAWA
    Now I'm like... like this.
[04:05] GINTOKI
    But I think you're looking
    better than ever.
[04:08] GINTOKI
    Dog...
[04:09] GINTOKI
    radio...
[04:10] GINTOKI
    cardboard box.
[04:11] GINTOKI
    You're completely covered by the
[04:13] ---
    Three Sacred Treasures of the homeless.
[04:15] GINTOKI
    You've finally found your lifetime job.
[04:17] HASEGAWA
    I don't have a lifetime
    job. I have no job.
[04:20] GINTOKI
    You can change your job in FF3, but the
[04:24] ---
    first job, Onion Knight,
    is the strongest.
[04:27] GINTOKI
    It's always the same.
[04:28] HASEGAWA
    Are you trying to cheer me up?
[04:29] ---
    Or do you want me to kick you around?
[04:31] HASEGAWA
    How could you say I'm like Onion Knight?
[04:33] GINTOKI
    You smell like a rotten onion.
[04:35] HASEGAWA
    That was a critical hit.
[04:37] HASEGAWA
    No!
[04:39] HASEGAWA
    I need a place to stay so I
    can restore my hit points!
[04:42] HASEGAWA
    I can't restore my hit
    points in a cardboard box!
[04:45] HASEGAWA
    What should I do?
[04:47] HASEGAWA
    If Hatsu sees me like this, we'll never
[04:49] ---
    reconcile our differences.
    And she'll leave me.
[04:51] GINTOKI
    I'd say you have no one
    to blame but yourself.
[04:53] HASEGAWA
    I have to do something by this weekend!
[04:55] HASEGAWA
    I need to find a stylish place,
    even if it's just for the weekend!
[04:58] HASEGAWA
    Can you help me, Gin?
[05:00] HASEGAWA
    I'm sure your name is
    already on the black list,
[05:03] ---
    maybe even in the Death Note.
[05:06] GINTOKI
    Oh, yeah. I'll put your name
    in my Death Note, then.
[05:10] GINTOKI
    See ya.
[05:11] HASEGAWA
    Hey, wait! Wait!
SIGN    [Real Estate]
[05:17] FUDO
    Taizo Hasegawa: 38 years old.
[05:20] ---
    Occupation: Onion Knight.
[05:25] FUDO
    Um, excuse me, but I have to ask...
[05:27] ---
    What is it you do as an Onion Knight?
[05:30] FUDO
    I just can't remember.
[05:31] FUDO
    I think I met someone
    once a long time ago
[05:33] ---
    who said he was an Onion Knight.
[05:35] HASEGAWA
    Um... Well...
[05:38] GINTOK
    It's a job that involves
    fermenting onions.
[05:40] FUDO
    I see. It's kind of like making wine
[05:42] ---
    and doing this and doing that, right?
[05:44] HASEGAWA
    Oh, yes. Something like that.
[05:47] FUDO
    Oh, I know. I saw that on TV.
[05:50] ---
    I think it was on that
    show Professionals.
[05:52] HASEGAWA
    What?
[05:55] FUDO
    No, it wasn't on Professional.
[05:57] ---
    That was Music something or other.
[06:00] HASEGAWA
    Music?
[06:06] FUDO
    Oh? Does it look like I'm lying?
[06:08] FUDO
    You think I'm lying? I
    really know what it is.
[06:11] HASEGAWA
    No! I believe you!
[06:13] FUDO
    No, you don't.
[06:15] ---
    I noticed some momentary
    bad feelings between us.
[06:18] FUDO
    Shoot, if my wife were still
    alive, she could prove it for me.
[06:24] FUDO
    She passed away one year ago. Darn it.
[06:28] HASEGAWA
    Well, I think I've already
    heard enough about it.
[06:31] WIFE
    Hey, old man! The laundry
    detergent is running out.
[06:33] WIFE
    Can you get some real quick?
[06:35] FUDO
    I'm working right now! I'm
    going to kill you, old hag!
[06:38] WIFE
    Shut up and die, stupid, old man!
[06:44] FUDO
    Well, I'll show you some
    properties. Let's go.
[06:48] HASEGAWA
    Oh, yes.
[06:50] HASEGAWA
    Hey, he's going to show me some
    properties just like that.
[06:53] HASEGAWA
    Doesn't he have a black list?
[06:56] HASEGAWA
    Anyway, the old guy seems
    a little nutty. Who is he?
[06:59] GINTOKI
    They call him...
[07:00] GINTOKI
    ...the Messiah of Kabukicho.
    His name is Sanzo Fudo.
[07:00] FUDO
    Um...this isn't it, and 
    so this is... Oh, well.
[07:05] GINTOKI
    There're a lot of bums like you in town.
[07:09] GINTOKI
    Some are chased, and some
    have a guilty conscience.
[07:13] GINTOKI
    They're all in an abyss of misery.
[07:16] GINTOKI
    There's a real estate agent who gives
[07:18] ---
    them a helping hand and a place to stay.
[07:21] GINTOKI
    Fudo is the kind of person who
    would offer people a place to stay,
[07:25] GINTOKI
    no matter who they were,
    just like a Messiah.
[07:28] HASEGAWA
    Those who are alive.
[07:30] FUDO
    Excuse me, but can you tell
    me where this property is?
[07:35] HASEGAWA
    Well, I think he's just not being
    choosy enough for his clients, right?
[07:39] HASEGAWA
    That old man seems careless.
[07:43] HASEGAWA
    I'm glad that he'll show
    us some properties,
[07:45] ---
    but I'm a little anxious as well.
[07:47] FUDO
    Hasegawa.
[07:48] FUDO
    Do you have any specific
    requests for a place?
[07:52] HASEGAWA
    Well, yeah... First, the
    cheapest is the best.
[07:56] HASEGAWA
    And it's better if it's fancy.
[07:59] GINTOKI
    Don't expect much.
[08:01] GINTOKI
    Don't forget about your situation
    right now, Onion Knight.
[08:04] ---
    It's enough that there's a roof
    over your head when it rains.
[08:07] HASEGAWA
    But Hatsu is coming.
[08:09] GINTOKI
    Let's try something cheap, a 1LDK.
SIGN    [1LDK: 1 bedroom, 1 Living  room, and 1 Dining Kitchen]
[08:13] FUDO
    1LDK?
[08:14] GINTOKI
    Yeah, it's enough for a single man.
[08:18] FUDO
    R-Right. I think a single
    man needs...1WGTM.
[08:25] GINTOKI
    Huh? What did you just say?
[08:26] FUDO
    O-One...3P would be perfect!
[08:30] GINTOKI
    No, we're not talking about a 3P!
[08:38] FUDO
    I know that.
[08:39] ---
    But I'm getting old, so it's
    hard to speak in loan words.
[08:42] FUDO
    Don't worry, I understand your
    request and I'll take you.
[08:46] FUDO
    Well, I guess this should satisfy you.
SIGN    [犬(One)LDK [Dog 犬  pronounced "one" in Japanese]
[08:50] HASEGAWA
    That's not a 1LDK!
[08:52] HASEGAWA
    Why do I have to live in
    such a filthy dog house?!
[08:55] HASEGAWA
    Don't you really know what 1LDK means?
[08:57] FUDO
    Of course, I know.
[08:58] FUDO
    I just thought that was a good
[09:00] ---
    doghouse for Hasegawa's dirty mutt.
[09:02] HASEGAWA
    That's none of your business!
[09:04] FUDO
    Come on, don't get me wrong.
[09:07] FUDO
    There's no way that a real estate agent
[09:08] ---
    doesn't know what 1LDK means.
[09:10] FUDO
    That's a common term. We use it a lot.
[09:13] GINTOKI
    Why don't you use it then?
[09:15] FUDO
    Let's see...
[09:16] ---
    We'll use it after we
    come back from our trip.
[09:23] FUDO
    Man, 1LDK is the best!
[09:26] GINTOKI
    No way! We'll just say,
    "My home is the best."
[09:28] GINTOKI
    Why do you bother replacing it with
    a complicated word like "1LDK"?
[09:32] FUDO
    I'm sorry. To tell you the truth,
[09:34] ---
    my 1LDK went back to her parents' house.
[09:37] GINTOKI
    What are you talking about, 1LDK
    went back to her parents' house?"
[09:40] GINTOKI
    A 1LDK is a place, not a person!
[09:41] HASEGAWA
    Um...Can you show us
    some other properties?
[09:45] GINTOKI
    He doesn't care about a
    1LDK anyway, only rent.
[09:48] ---
    Cheaper is better.
[09:50] FUDO
    Is that right? I'm not sure
    if 1LDK will come back.
[09:55] FUDO
    Is that all right with you?
[09:55] GINTOKI
    What kind of 1LDK are
    you talking about?!
[09:58] FUDO
    How about this property?
[10:02] GINTOKI
    It looks good to me.
[10:04] HASEGAWA
    I'd prefer something more stylish.
[10:07] FUDO
    I knew you were going to
    say that. Don't worry.
[10:10] FUDO
    This isn't the one I wanted to show you.
[10:13] FUDO
    This one.
[10:14] HASEGAWA
    Another doghouse?!
[10:16] FUDO
    No, this is completely
    different from the last one.
[10:18] ---
    This one is more stylish.
[10:21] ---
    Look!
[10:22] FUDO
    It has can badges!
[10:23] HASEGAWA
    No thanks! I don't need
    those kinds of accessories!
[10:26] HASEGAWA
    Anyway, why are can
    badges on a doghouse?
[10:28] GINTOKI
    What? I bet you don't know
    what a 1LDK is, do you?
[10:31] FUDO
    That's not right...I
    said 1LDK is not here.
[10:35] HASEGAWA
    Stop it! I can't live
    in that kind of place!
[10:38] HASEGAWA
    That's not even a house for people!
[10:40] ---
    Show me a place for people!
[10:43] FUDO
    I see. That's what you
    wanted. Now I know.
[10:48] FUDO
    Why didn't you tell me
    that in the beginning?
[10:51] FUDO
    I'm confident in myself with this place.
[10:55] HASEGAWA
    What kind of confidence
    are you talking about?!
[10:57] HASEGAWA
    That's enough! This is just a doghouse!
[11:00] HASEGAWA
    It's not even close to a 1LDK.
[11:02] ---
    Did you hear what I said?
[11:04] FUDO
    Yes, I did. Look over there!
[11:11] FUDO
    See. A person lives there.
[11:13] HASEGAWA
    That's not the point!
[11:15] HASEGAWA
    That's not right! I'm
    a useless, old man.
[11:17] HASEGAWA
    And I'm a bit of a masochist, but
    I didn't come here today to play!
[11:20] HASEGAWA
    I'm just looking for a place to live!
[11:21] ---
    I can't live in this kind of place!
[11:24] HASEGAWA
    Why are you getting shy?
    I'm not your master!
[11:28] ---
    No one's trying to turn you on!
[11:35] GINTOKI
    Well, do you have anything a bit better?
[11:39] FUDO
    All right. In fact, I've got the
    perfect place for an Onion Knight like you.
[11:45] HASEGAWA
    Are you sure this time?
[11:49] GINTOKI
    Almost.
[11:50] HASEGAWA
    Aren't you going to point it out?
[11:51] GINTOKI
    Well, there's some truth
    in what you meant.
[11:54] ---
    I admit it.
[11:55] HASEGAWA
    Gin, please don't!
[11:58] GINTOKI
    I know Hasegawa isn't really an
    Onion Knight, but a Dark Knight.
[12:01] ---
    His job is more like a cockroach knight.
[12:04] HASEGAWA
    I said I didn't have a job.
[12:05] GINTOKI
    And we'll stop being choosy, so please
[12:08] ---
    show us a normal and cheap property.
[12:10] FUDO
    All right. Then let me
    show you a good one.
[12:13] ---
    How about that one?
[12:15] GINTOKI
    What?
[12:16] GINTOKI
    Are you listening to us?!
[12:19] FUDO
    This is one of the best apartments
    among my high-end properties.
[12:25] GINTOKI
    I said, "Are you listening to me?"
[12:27] FUDO
    This one is always popular and occupied.
[12:30] FUDO
    But it just now became available.
    You're really lucky!
[12:34] FUDO
    And the monthly fee is
    only three million yen.
[12:37] ---
    This is a really rare opportunity.
[12:39] GINTOKI
    I don't need it, but give
    me a chance to throw
[12:41] ---
    some poop on your face instead.
[12:43] FUDO
    All right. How about 30,000
    yen with a discount instead?
[12:46] HASEGAWA
    Wh-What?
[12:47] FUDO
    They both have "3", so
    30,000 yen is a deal.
[12:50] HASEGAWA
    What's the reason do you
    have for a 99% discount!
[12:52] HASEGAWA
    What? Are you angry? Or
    maybe you've snapped?
[12:54] ---
    Or you're desperate?
[12:56] FUDO
    Actually, the last tenant suddenly
    left because of his job.
[12:59] FUDO
    So, the household effects
    are still there.
[13:02] ---
    And the place wasn't cleaned up.
[13:05] FUDO
    If you'll dispose or take
     care of those things,
[13:07] ---
    I'll give you the discounted
    price of 30,000 yen for rent.
[13:09] HASEGAWA
    Really? Are you sure?
[13:11] ---
    That's all I have to do to live here?
[13:13] HASEGAWA
    No problem! We'll take care of it!
[13:14] HASEGAWA
    We'll use all the household effects.
[13:16] ---
    It's a great benefit to us!
[13:17] HASEGAWA
    I'm sure Hatsu will be happy.
[13:19] FUDO
    That's good.
SIGN    [NOBORU]
[13:37] FUDO
    Well, it's a little bit
    dirty, as I said. Good luck.
[13:44] HASEGAWA
    For what?!
[13:46] HASEGAWA
    Whoa! This...is...
[13:47] ---
    O-Obviously...this was
    the scene of a murder!
[13:51] HASEGAWA
    By "disposal," does he mean dispose
    of everything at the murder site?!
[13:54] HASEGAWA
    And "take care"? Does he mean
    getting involved in a murder?
[13:57] GINTOKI
    Oh, this is a great view.
[13:59] ---
    I bet the view at night is wonderful.
[14:02] HASEGAWA
    Why are you so blasé?
[14:03] ---
    Look at the mess we're in!
[14:05] GINTOKI
    What are you so excited about?
[14:07] ---
    Can you tell me where
    the murder took place?
[14:09] HASEGAWA
    The blood is all over the place!
[14:12] HASEGAWA
    I wouldn't be surprised if that kid
    from Case Closed barged in right about now!
[14:15] GINTOKI
    Eh? Is this blood?
[14:16] ---
    I thought this was a
    custom-painted wall.
[14:19] HASEGAWA
    It can't be! It's so disgusting!
[14:21] FUDO
    Hasegawa, please calm down.
[14:23] FUDO
    You said this was a crime scene?
[14:25] ---
    Something like that happens
    only in a TV drama.
[14:27] FUDO
    I think this place was probably used
[14:29] ---
    for gutting a tuna or something.
[14:31] HASEGAWA
    That sounds even less likely!
[14:32] ---
    Why did a tuna have to be gutted here?
[14:34] HASEGAWA
    Moreover, why did the tuna
    write a dying message?
[14:37] GINTOKI
    What? This is not a dying message.
[14:40] GINTOKI
    So somebody's practicing
    their calligraphy?
[14:42] GINTOKI
    It splattered around the room after it
[14:44] ---
    worked hard to write NOBORU.
[14:46] HASEGAWA
    That's pretty painstaking work!
[14:48] GINTOKI
    Anyway, don't worry about it.
[14:50] HASEGAWA
    About what?
[14:51] GINTOKI
    Even if they were murdered,
    it's no big deal.
[14:53] HASEGAWA
    Yes, it is!
[14:54] ---
    You sound like this is
    someone else's problem.
[14:56] HASEGAWA
    I can't live in a place
    where there was a murder.
[14:59] GINTOKI
    It doesn't matter what
    happened in the past.
[15:01] ---
    Now is more important.
[15:03] HASEGAWA
    True. There's blood everywhere now...
[15:04] ---
    that's what I'm really concerned about.
[15:06] GINTOKI
    Hasegawa, rooms and women are the same.
[15:09] GINTOKI
    Listen to me.
[15:11] GINTOKI
    Most pretty girls have already been
[15:12] ---
    "done" by some stupid guy
    at their middle school
[15:14] GINTOKI
    or high school before we ever meet them.
[15:16] HASEGAWA
    What are you talking about?!
[15:18] GINTOKI
    Let's say there's a
    girl who was unpolished
[15:20] ---
    and innocent when she entered school,
[15:22] ---
    but after summer vacation,
[15:24] ---
    she's got dyed hair and ear piercings.
[15:28] HASEGAWA
    Again, what are you talking about?!
[15:29] GINTOKI
    I'm positive about it.
[15:31] ---
    During summer vacation,
    she met some loser.
[15:33] GINTOKI
    In summer, she had so much fun
    that she was taken advantage of.
[15:35] HASEGAWA
    Hey! I really don't understand
    what you're trying to tell me!
[15:39] GINTOKI
    But even so, would you ask her about it?
[15:44] GINTOKI
    You wouldn't, right?
[15:46] GINTOKI
    You would just keep it in your mind.
[15:48] GINTOKI
    You'd like to ask her, "What
    happened to you during summer?"
[15:51] GINTOKI
    No, you wouldn't.
[15:53] ---
    Because you know she'll
    hate you if you ask.
[15:54] GINTOKI
    It'd be a turn-off for her.
[15:57] GINTOKI
    That's right. When we meet women,
[16:00] ---
    we already know those kinds of things.
[16:03] GINTOKI
    And it's the same for rooms.
[16:05] GINTOKI
    In general, a good room
    has been "done" already!
[16:09] HASEGAWA
    What do you mean that the
    room has been "done?"
[16:11] GINTOKI
    And if you have to inquire
    about the history of
[16:14] GINTOKI
    every room you find,
    you shouldn't bother!
[16:17] FUDO
    Good grief.
[16:20] FUDO
    I've been working in the
    real estate business for
[16:23] ---
    over 50 years and I never...
[16:24] FUDO
    I never thought that I would meet
[16:26] ---
    someone who really cared about a room.
[16:29] HASEGAWA
    Why are you crying?
[16:30] ---
    Did any part of that story make you cry?
[16:34] FUDO
    He's exactly right. The
    nice rooms are all tainted.
[16:38] FUDO
    Most likely a murder happened there.
[16:40] HASEGAWA
    You liar! I have never
    heard anything like that!
[16:42] FUDO
    I think it's something like
    the magic of the room.
[16:45] FUDO
    The room is not just for a space to live in,
[16:47] ---
    but also a place to
    catch a person's soul.
[16:50] FUDO
    As a matter of fact,
    this is a problem room.
[16:54] FUDO
    Seven people have already died in here.
[16:58] HASEGAWA
    What?!
[16:59] FUDO
    I don't know what the cause was,
[17:02] FUDO
    but the people who lived here started
[17:04] FUDO
    attacking each other all of a
    sudden, and died soon after.
[17:06] HASEGAWA
    Hey, you! Why did you show
    me such a bad place?!
[17:09] HASEGAWA
    In fact, you were even
    trying to charge me rent!
[17:11] FUDO
    I'm really sorry. I didn't mean it.
[17:13] FUDO
    I just felt sorry for this room.
    Everybody thinks it's cursed.
[17:19] FUDO
    The room works out well when occupied.
[17:22] FUDO
    Even if it's a great room,
[17:23] ---
    it's just like a hole unless
    someone lives there.
[17:26] FUDO
    I know some people call
    me a Messiah because
[17:30] ---
    I save all kinds of people.
[17:31] FUDO
    But I don't deserve it.
[17:36] FUDO
    I just wanted to turn all
    these dumps into real rooms.
[17:44] FUDO
    I'm so glad that you'll
    become a real room soon.
[17:49] FUDO
    Here it is.
[17:51] FUDO
    I want to give this to you.
[17:53] ---
    You can use this room however you want.
[17:56] FUDO
    It's totally up to you
    how you use this room.
[18:01] FUDO
    I hope you'll...
[18:07] GINTOKI
    I don't think I deserve this offer.
[18:09] GINTOKI
    I think this room will be happy when
[18:11] ---
    a person who needs a place lives here.
[18:16] HASEGAWA
    Well, I think a man who takes good
    care of the room should live here.
[18:21] HASEGAWA
    It'll make the room happy.
[18:24] FUDO
    I want you to take this.
[18:27] GINTOKI
    I already heard that.
[18:31] HASEGAWA
    It's not nice to hand it to me
    and say, "I already heard that"?
[18:35] FUDO
    Sir...
[18:36] GINTOKI
    This is the third time.
[18:37] HASEGAWA
    No!
[18:43] FUDO
    Enough! I told you I wanted to give
    it to you. Just take it already!
[18:47] GINTOKI
    Who wants such a creepy room?!
[18:49] GINTOKI
    You can't get rid of it by giving it to
    someone who's a nuisance! It's not fair!
[18:51] HASEGAWA
    But you're talking about
    something totally different.
[18:53] HASEGAWA
    Just take it. You said, "It doesn't
    matter what happened in the past." Didn't you?!
[18:55] GINTOKI
    Right from the start, it was your
    fault because you don't have a job!
[18:58] GINTOKI
    So, accept the responsibility
    and just die here!
[19:01] FUDO
    Take it!
[19:02] GINTOKI
    No!
[19:04] HASEGAWA
    I don't want it, either!
[19:05] ---
    Just take it
[19:19] VOICE
    Ki...Kill...
[19:23] VOICE
    Kill...Kill...
[19:27] VOICE
    Kill...Kill...
SIGN    [A couple of days later]
[19:45] HATSU
    Oh, my! This is a really
    great apartment.
[19:48] HATSU
    I wonder how he got the money
    to afford this kind of place?
[19:54] HATSU
    He didn't do anything
    fancy, like sending an
[19:56] ---
    invitation without a return address...
[20:01] HATSU
    Um, oh, here it is.
[20:05] HATSU
    Hello! I came to clean up.
[20:11] VOICE
    Ki...Kill...
[20:14] VOICE
    Kill...Kill...
SIGN    [NOBORU]
[22:03] Gin
    So last week, Gintama
    made its return and now
SIGN    
[22:06] ---
    we're back to our regular programming.
[22:09] Kag
    Feels good to be home.
[22:12] Kag
    It's so familiar.
[22:14] Shin
    Uh, it's supposed to be familiar.
[22:16] Shin
    That was obviously a rerun.
[22:18] Shin
    We return and it's back to Yorinuki?
[22:21] Gin
    It's only been six months
    since the show ended
[22:23] ---
    last spring because we
    ran out of material.
[22:25] Gin
    I would have expected
    Yorinuki from the beginning.
[22:28] Kag
    Yep, call now and you get half
    Yorinuki and half new episodes.
[22:35] Shin
    Now you're starting to
    sound like an infomercial.
[22:37] Shin
    But in that case,
[22:38] ---
    we could have waited for more material
[22:40] ---
    before starting the show again.
[22:41] Gin
    Fool, don't you know what's
    happened in the past six months?
[22:45] Shin
    Huh?
[22:45] Kag
    Yeah, the threat wasn't
    Kintama or Mantama.
[22:50] Shin
    What was it then?
[22:51] Gin
    The one where they play basketball
    and the title has Kuro in it.
[22:55] Shin
    Uh, you just gave it away.
[22:56] Shin
    You're talking about
    Kuro**'s Basketball.
[22:58] Kag
    If we wait for more material,
    they'll overtake us.
[23:01] Kag
    I mean, our fail lead and
    his generation of Joi
[23:03] ---
    doesn't stand a chance against
    the Generation of Miracles.
[23:06] Gin
    Why are you attacking me now?
[23:08] Kag
    Shinpachi, you're pretty forgettable,
[23:10] ---
    so switch places with the main
    character in that series.
[23:12] Shin
    Is that some kind of misdirection?
[23:14] Gin
    Well, when you have the trifecta of
[23:16] ---
    no material, no budget, and no brains,
[23:18] ---
    this anime has to resort to tricks.
[23:20] Gin
    The staff was seriously
    considering calling
[23:23] ---
    the new movie Gintama Z or Gintama Q.
[23:25] Shin
    That's plagiarizing!
[23:27] Kag
    Next season, we should change
    the name to Kurotama!
[23:31] Gin
    Eureka!
[23:32] Shin
    Eureka my ass!
SIGN    The End
[23:39] Gin
    The second movie will
    be released in 2013.
[23:42] Gin
    The gorilla author is writing a
    completely new story this time!
[23:46] Gin
    We've been using the same
    still frame for a month now!
[23:50] Gin
    How's the production going?
[23:52] Gin
    Is the gorilla author
    making any progress?
SIGN    Deadline?
[23:56] Gin
    Oh, he's taking a nap.
[23:57] Gin
    Hello?
[23:59] Gin
    Uh, don't you need to
    work on the story?

E256.C - Gintama Classic - Within Each Box of Cigarettes, Are One or Two Cigarettes That Smell Like Horse Dung
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:02] OKITA
    Smoking increases a person's risk of
    developing pulmonary emphysema.
[00:07] OKITA
    In addition, smoking by minors
[00:10] OKITA
    is forbidden because it leads to severe
    health issues and nicotine addiction.
[00:16] OKITA
    Never smoke, even if asked to by others.
[00:23] ---
    ...Do you understand?
[01:55] OKITA
    10 votes in favor, versus 1 against.
[01:58] OKITA
    Everyone except Hijikata-san voted
    in favor, so this bill is approved.
[02:03] OKITA
    The Shinsengumi headquarters
[02:05] OKITA
    will no longer allow smoking
    in all areas starting today.
[02:07] HIJIKATA
    H-Hey, the whole headquarters
    is going too far.
[02:10] HIJIKATA
    It's like you're purposely keeping
    smokers out of here.
[02:14] HIJIKATA
    At least make arrangements for
    a designated smoking area.
[02:17] OKITA
    What are you saying, Hijikata-san?
[02:20] OKITA
    Smoking is worse than athlete's foot.
[02:23] OKITA
    Even though it's not prohibited by
    law, nicotine is actually a drug.
[02:27] OKITA
    A drug!
[02:28] OKITA
    Everyday, you inhale and
    exhale, inhale and exhale,
[02:31] OKITA
    you become addicted.
[02:33] HIJIKATA
    So, what's wrong with that?
[02:34] OKITA
    Even if this is a personal matter for you,
[02:36] OKITA
    you can't run with this line of argument.
[02:39] OKITA
    Anyone near a smoker is forced to
    become second-hand smokers.
[02:44] HIJIKATA
    But... But...
[02:47] OKITA
    You're Vice-Chief of the Shinsengumi.
[02:50] OKITA
    Please think about the other
    people around you.
[02:53] OKITA
    If a Vice-Chief can't even quit smoking
    or halt a nicotine addition,
[02:56] OKITA
    it sets a bad example for everyone else.
[03:03] HIJIKATA
    H-Hey, Harada. You sometimes
    smoke, don't you?
[03:07] HIJIKATA
    Are you all right with this smoking ban?
[03:09] HARADA
    Yeah...I completely quit smoking,
    so it doesn't matter to me.
[03:17] OKITA
    It's already been decided.
[03:22] UNIT MEMBER
    Man, even with Okita-san's proposal,
    that was a productive meeting.
[03:26] UNIT MEMBER
    Yeah. Speaking of smokers,
    Vice-Chief was the only one.
[03:31] HARADA
    It was so smoky and awful in there.
[03:33] HARADA
    My clothes are covered in
    that stinky smoke odor.
[03:35] UNIT MEMBER
    Any person who practices a martial
    art knows smoking is unhealthy.
SIGN    ["Within Each Box of Cigarettes, Are One or Two Cigarettes That Smell Like Horse Dung"]
[03:50] HIJIKATA
    ...gimme a break.
[03:54] HIJIKATA
    Is he seriously intending to keep
    me out of the Shinsengumi?
[03:57] HIJIKATA
    Damn it. I might as well inhale as much
    nicotine as possible while I'm outside.
SIGN    [Smoking on the street is prohibited.]
SIGN    [BATTLE ROYAL HOST]
[04:25] HIJIKATA
    Ah, excuse me.
[04:26] ---
    Do you have an ashtray?
[04:29] CLERK A
    I'm sorry. This restaurant prohibits
    smoking in the whole facility.
[04:39] HIJIKATA
    What's with this city?
[04:42] HIJIKATA
    Signs everywhere say "No
    Smoking," "No Smoking."
[04:45] CLERK
    I'm sorry, but smoking
    isn't allowed in here.
[04:50] OLD LADY
    Hey! Your cigarette!
[04:52] CLERK C
    Cigarettes are...
[05:02] WOMAN A
    Oh, no! What's he doing?!
[05:04] WOMAN B
    Don't stare.
[05:08] HIJIKATA
    Let me smoke!
[05:12] HIJIKATA
    Damn it.
[05:13] HIJIKATA
    I didn't even notice but
    now I can see there's
[05:16] HIJIKATA
    no places for us smokers to go anymore.
[05:18] HIJIKATA
    I want to smoke even more
    when I'm told not to.
[05:21] HIJIKATA
    It's hopeless. I can't stand it anymore.
    In this situation... I... I...
SIGN    [SMOKING AREA]
[05:36] HIJIKATA
    That's it!
[05:40] HIJIKATA (M)
    I found it! I finally found an oasis!
[05:46] KUSANO
    Here's our next story.
[05:47] KUSANO
    The universal environment
    conservation meeting
[05:50] KUSANO
    will be held one week from today.
[05:54] KUSANO
    It'll talk about environment-related
    issues in the whole universe.
[05:59] ---
    And the Bakufu is taking this opportunity
    to ask the nation to start thinking about
[06:01] ---
    the environment as it launches the micro-environmental
    protection campaign for one week from today.
[06:06] MATSUDAIRA
    Let's put aside the big problems of ozone
    depletion and global warming.
[06:13] MATSUDAIRA
    It's important for each person
    to do their own part,
[06:16] MATSUDAIRA
    no matter how small, to
    help the environment.
[06:20] MATSUDAIRA
    All your small efforts will start to pile up
    into one big push to save the earth.
[06:25] MATSUDAIRA
    Yeah, right...
[06:27] MATSUDAIRA
    What this old man is trying to say is, before
    you go saving the huge Earth...
[06:31] MATSUDAIRA
    ...you should first save yourself.
[06:33] MATSUDAIRA
    Someone who can't even save himself
    won't be able to save the earth.
[06:38] MATSUDAIRA
    Someone who can't even save himself
    and is disliked by his daughter...
[06:45] MATSUDAIRA
    ...won't be able to save the earth.
[06:49] MATSUDAIRA
    Well, we'll explore all of
    that a week from today.
[06:52] MATSUDAIRA
    All of Edo...
[06:54] MATSUDAIRA
    ...will assist in helping implement
    the smoking ban.
[06:59] KUSANO
    We repeat.
[07:01] KUSANO
    Currently, an emergency smoking ban
    is in effect throughout all of Edo.
[07:06] ---
    Smokers are asked to please throw
    away all cigarettes immediately.
[07:10] HIJIKATA
    Ci...Ciga...rette...
[07:10] KUSANO
    Also, please never approach cigarette
    vending machines or smoking areas.
[07:16] KUSANO
    It'll lead to sever punishment.
    We repeat...
[07:29] PASSENGER
    Are you taking a trip through
    the universe, too?
[07:32] PASSENGER
    Man, times are sure changing.
[07:35] PASSENGER
    I never thought we'd see the day when
    we could travel between planets.
[07:41] PASSENGER
    So, which planet are you going to?
SIGN    [Note: Parody of Planet Namek from Dragon Ball.]
[07:44] HIJIKATA…
    Planet Hamek.
[07:45] PASSENGER
    Planet Hamek? There's nothing
    to see in that countryside.
[07:49] PASSENGER
    It's nothing but tobacco fields.
    Why are you going there?
[07:53] HIJIKATA
    ...Naturally...
[07:55] HIJIKATA
    ...to smoke some cigarettes!
[07:58] HIJIKATA
    Don't underestimate a smoker.
SIGN    [Note: Cigarette images were removed from GinTama manga vol.8 and vol.16 covers.]
[08:00] HIJIKATA
    They claimed the cigarette was edited
    out of the manga cover because
[08:03] HIJIKATA
    I looked like a high
    school student smoking.
[08:05] HIJIKATA
    They also said it was never a good
    idea to show smokers on the cover.
[08:08] HIJIKATA
    And they ended up not using
    someone smoking.
[08:11] HIJIKATA
    And we deceptively said it was a pocky chocolate
    snack when it was really a cigarette,
[08:13] HIJIKATA
    or else we'd be forced to give up airing the
    show in prime time in North America,
[08:16] HIJIKATA
    or be stuck with an R rating.
[08:19] HIJIKATA
    And yet I still haven't given up smoking!
[08:22] HIJIKATA
    Once the smoking ban starts,
    I'll smoke outside Earth!
[08:26] HIJIKATA
    If cigarettes run out, I'll even
    travel to their place of origin!
[08:30] ---
    Don't underestimate a smoker!
[08:36] MINISTER
    I see, I see.
[08:38] MINISTER
    I'm so glad to hear that
    you came all the way to
[08:40] MINISTER
    Planet Hamek to smoke our cigarettes.
[08:46] MINISTER
    Unfortunately, this planet
    has been turned into
SIGN    [Note: Parody of Frieza from Dragon Ball.]
[08:51] MINISTER
    a scorched field by the evil
    emperor, Breeza.
[08:56] MINISTER
    So cigarettes are no longer...
[09:04] MINISTER
    This is the last one.
[09:10] ---
    Is that all right? Just one...?
[09:15] DELDE
    Stop it, Grandpa!
SIGN    [Note: Parody of Dende from Dragon Ball.]
[09:17] MINISTER
    Hey, Delde! Take your hands off me!
[09:20] DELDE
    That's...! That's the last
    cigarette my dad made!
[09:25] ---
    It's a memento of my dad,
    who was killed by Breeza.
[09:31] DELDE
    Dad! Dad!
[09:34] DELDE
    Dad!
[09:41] DELDE’S FATHER
    Delde!
[10:23] DELDE
    ...Da...Dad...
[10:36] DELDE
    Da...! Dad!
[10:39] DELDE
    Dad!
[11:02] DELDE
    Dad...
[11:09] DELDE
    Da... Dad's...
[11:13] MINISTER
    Shut up, Delde!
[11:14] MINISTER
    Cigarettes exist to be smoked.
[11:17] MINISTER
    Cigarettes that you can't smoke shouldn't
    even be called cigarettes at all!
[11:20] MINISTER
    What do you think would please
    your father the most?
[11:23] MINISTER
    To let the cigarette get moist in a
    drawer or let someone smoke it?
[11:33] DELDE
    Da...Dad's cigarette...
[11:36] DELDE
    ...please enjoy smoking it...
[11:47] PASSENGER
    Oh! What a coincidence!
[11:50] PASSENGER
    Well, were you able to smoke?
    Are you on your way home?
[11:55] HIJIKATA
    No.
[11:56] PASSENGER
    What? Where are you going then?
[11:59] HIJIKATA
    I'm going to defeat Breeza!
[12:01] PASSENGER
    Huh? Breeza? What? Aren't
    you going there to smoke?
[12:05] HIJIKATA
    There's no way I can smoke
    something like that!
[12:07] PASSENGER
    What?!
[12:08] HIJIKATA
    I'll kill Breeza and smoke afterwards!
[12:11] HIJIKATA
    He definitely has cigarettes.
[12:13] HIJIKATA
    Next time, I'll definitely smoke
    cigarettes, damn it!
[12:20] BREEZA
    I never suspected that
    you were against me.
[12:23] BREEZA
    But I admire your rashness.
[12:34] MASTER GAME
    Hijikata's quest to smoke
    a single cigarette started
SIGN    [Note: A parody of Master Roshi's narrations from Dragon Ball.]
[12:39] MASTER GAME
    because of the Shinsengumi's
    smoking ban.
[12:43] MASTER GAME
    The trip has been full of hardships.
[12:47] MATSUDAIRA
    Well, we'll explore all of
    that a week from today.
[12:49] MATSUDAIRA
    All of Edo will assist in helping
    implement the smoking ban.
[12:55] MASTER GAME
    But finally he heads off into the universe.
[12:59] HIJIKATA
    To smoke some cigarettes!
[13:03] MASTER GAME
    However, when he arrives
    on Planet Hamek,
[13:06] MASTER GAME
    he finds it was turned into a
    scorched field by Breeza.
[13:21] DELDE
    Da...Dad!
[13:23] ---
    Dad!
[13:27] GAME
    The young boy Delde's tears...
[13:30] GAME
    Hijikata channels his anger into power
    and he heads toward the final battle.
[13:36] HIJIKATA
    Hey! Why am I suddenly having flashbacks
    of the previous episode?
[13:38] HIJIKATA
    This isn't Dragon BLEEP!
[13:39] HIJIKATA
    It's taking too long! I'm in a hurry!
    Let's get to the main episode now!
[13:53] BREEZA
    I never suspected that
    you were against me.
[13:57] BREEZA
    But I admire your rashness.
[14:04] BREEZA
    But when you see my power, I wonder
    if you'll still have the same attitude.
[14:12] BREEZA
    Well, I'll show you.
[14:15] ---
    My full power!
[14:38] BREEZA
    How about that? You look like
    you're scared speechless.
[14:47] BREEZA
    Get ready for it.
[14:50] ---
    Here I come.
[14:57] HIJIKATA
    Hey, give me a cigarette.
[14:59] HIJIKATA
    I know you have some.
[15:00] HIJIKATA
    You destroyed Planet Hamek,
    didn't you? Where are they?
[15:04] BREEZA
    I, Breeza-sama, was knocked down
    by a monkey like you.
[15:08] BREEZA
    It can't be...you're a legendary
    Super Earthling.
SIGN    [Note: Parody of Super Saiyan from Dragon Ball.]
[15:11] HIJIKATA
    Shut up, already. Just
    give me a cigarette.
[15:13] HIJIKATA
    I'm grumpy now thanks
    to nicotine withdraw.
[15:16] BREEZA
    You're the Super Earthling
    who woke up irritated.
[15:20] BREEZA
    Don't tell me you're the
    son of that Earthling
[15:23] BREEZA
    who was the only one to
    challenge me back then?
[15:26] HIJIKATA
    Huh, who's this? I don't
    look nothing like him.
[15:28] HIJIKATA
    You're totally wrong.
[15:30] BREEZA
    Can it be that you're searching
    for the same thing I was?
[15:34] HIJIKATA
    Huh?
[15:35] BREEZA
    Whatever. I praise you for defeating me,
[15:38] BREEZA
    the emperor of the universe,
    so I will give you this.
[15:41] BREEZA
    Here, take it.
[15:43] HIJIKATA
    That's not what I asked for!
[15:44] HIJIKATA
    I said, give me some cigarettes!
[15:46] HIJIKATA
    What's this ball? It's so disgusting!
[15:49] BREEZA
    It's an Ooey-gooey ball.
SIGN    [Note: Parody of Dragon Ball from Dragon Ball.]
[15:51] BREEZA
    When you collect all seven of those balls,
[15:53] BREEZA
    the Ooey-gooey dragon will appear
[15:54] BREEZA
    and make everything you want
    turn Ooey-gooey.
[15:57] BREEZA
    It's a really mysterious ball.
[15:58] HIJIKATA
    Why Ooey-gooey? I think
    you're lying to me!
[16:02] BREEZA
    If there's anything you
    want but can't find,
[16:05] BREEZA
    you should collect six more balls
    and have your wishes granted.
[16:10] HIJIKATA
    Hey! Why are you making that kind
    of face made by the super villain
[16:14] HIJIKATA
    right before he dies in the big scene
    at the end of the episode?
[16:16] ---
    Anyway, why do I have to do all
    of this just to get a cigarette?!
[16:20] HIJIKATA
    Give me a break.
[16:22] HIJIKATA
    It'll be a lot faster if I just
    go to another planet
[16:24] HIJIKATA
    and buy a pack of cigarettes
    at a vending machine.
[16:26] HIJIKATA
    That's right. I should've done
    that earlier. I'll go do that.
[16:32] KOBAYASHI
    Grillin! Open your eyes, Grillin!
SIGN    [Note: Parody of Krillin & Goku from Dragon Ball.]
[16:35] KOBAYASHI
    Damn it! If only I had
    all the Ooey-gooey balls!
[16:40] KOBAYASHI
    Grillin!
[16:45] PASSENGER
    ...Hey, what are you doing?
[16:49] HIJIKATA
    I'm trying to revive Grillin.
[16:52] PASSENGER
    Who the heck is Grillin?!
[16:54] PASSENGER
    You came to smoke some
    cigarettes, right?
[16:55] PASSENGER
    And who's that sitting right next to you?!
[16:57] KOBAYASHI
    Yo! I'm Kobayashi! I'm so excited!
SIGN    [Note: Parody of Goku and Yamcha from Dragon Ball.]
[17:00] PASSENGER
    Kobayashi?! I'm not excited
    about that name at all!
[17:02] PASSENGER
    You're Bulma's ex-boyfriend,
    aren't you?
SIGN    [Note: Refers to Bulma from Dragon Ball. She dated Yamcha in the series.]
[17:04] HIJIKATA
    Shut up!
[17:06] HIJIKATA
    You know, Grillin might
    have some cigarettes!
[17:10] HIJIKATA
    I'll definitely smoke next time, damn it!
[17:17] CELO
    I'm Celo!
SIGN    [Note: Parody of Cell from Dragon Ball.]
[17:20] HIJIKATA
    That's enough! You're so persistent.
[17:22] HIJIKATA
    I know it's going to take a long time.
[17:23] HIJIKATA
    I get bored easy. Hey, just give me
    some balls. You have some, right?
[17:29] CELO
    Why? Why does he have
    so much power?
[17:31] HIJIKATA
    Shut up!
[17:32] HIJIKATA
    Hurry up and give me some balls so I can
    revive Grillin and smoke a cigarette.
[17:36] CELO
    I can't believe I lost after taking
    cells from the Super Earthling...
[17:41] HIJIKATA
    Who is this guy? What's with the
    scouter rip-off? It pisses me off!
SIGN    [Note: Parody of the scouter device from Dragon Ball.]
[17:46] CELO
    You defeated me, the perfect form, after
    I took in every cell and powered up.
[17:52] CELO
    Your attack deserves to be rewarded.
[17:56] CELO
    As you wish, I'll give you my balls.
[18:03] CELO
    Take these.
[18:04] HIJIKATA
    You hid these in there?!
    They're disgusting and dirty!
[18:09] CELO
    Use these balls to summon the dragon
    and make a wish for me.
[18:16] CELO
    My wish is
[18:18] ---
    "To graduate from being a virgin..."
[18:21] HIJIKATA
    Why are you making it sound like
    I'm helping you grant your wish?!
[18:24] HIJIKATA
    And why did you make
    such a useless wish?!
[18:28] HIJIKATA
    Anyway, now that I've collected
    all seven balls.
[18:31] HIJIKATA
    Hurry up and revive Grillin
    so I can smoke a cigarette!
[18:34] KOBAYASHI
    What's this? Can I eat this?
[18:36] HIJIKATA
    There's no way you can eat that disgusting
    thing! What about Grillin?
[18:41] KOBAYASHI
    Oh, that's right!
[18:42] HIJIKATA
    Hurry up and summon the dragon
    so it can revive Grillin!
[18:46] HIJIKATA/KOBAYASHI
    Come out Ooey-gooey Dragon!
    Please make my wish come true!
[18:53] HIJIKATA
    ...Huh?
[18:54] HIJIKATA
    Nothing happened. There're seven
    balls all together. What's going on?
[19:00] KOBAYASHI
    Oh? Taking a closer look, this one
    isn't an Ooey-gooey ball at all!
[19:03] HIJIKATA
    What?
[19:04] KOBAYASHI
    The other six balls are real Ooey-gooey
    balls. But this one is...
[19:10] KOBAYASHI
    ...a Sticky-icky ball!
[19:11] HIJIKATA
    It's pretty much the same!
[19:13] HIJIKATA
    What's the difference between
    that and an Ooey-gooey ball?!
[19:15] KOBAYASHI
    Yo. It's a Sticky-icky ball!
[19:17] HIJIKATA
    That's just a technicality!
[19:21] HIJIKATA
    See?! Something is coming out!
[19:23] HIJIKATA
    They're all Ooey-gooey balls, after all.
[19:34] NUMELON
    Great job in collecting all
    the Slimy-grimy balls.
[19:37] HIJIKATA
    It's not Ooey-gooey, nor Sticky-icky!
[19:40] HIJIKATA
    That's the least of our problems.
    Hey, hurry up and save Grillin.
[19:44] KOBAYASHI
    I see. It's not Ooey-gooey.
    Then I don't care.
[19:47] HIJIKATA
    Why?! How much loyalty do
    you have for Ooey-gooey?!
[19:51] HIJIKATA
    How badly do you want to
    make Grillin Ooey-gooey?!
[19:53] HIJIKATA
    Just ask him! It doesn't matter
    if he's Slimy-grimy!
[19:57] HIJIKATA
    He's your friend, right?
[19:58] KOBAYASHI
    If it's Slimy-grimy, I prefer
    something else.
[20:00] HIJIKATA
    What do you mean, something else?
[20:06] KOBAYASHI
    Give me some gal's panties!
SIGN    [Note: A famous line from Dragon Ball when they first met Shen Long, the dragon.]
[20:08] HIJIKATA
    Hey!
[20:09] HIJIKATA
    A gal's Slimy-grimy panties?!
[20:12] HIJIKATA
    That's such a gross wish!
[20:14] HIJIKATA
    Don't request a pair of dirty panties
    and give up your friend!
[20:17] ---
    Never mind! Forget it!
[20:19] NUMELON
    Hurry up. Or the Slimy-grimy will dry up.
[20:24] HIJIKATA
    Wait! Hold on a second!
[20:26] HIJIKATA
    If I have a Slimy-grimy cigarette,
    I can't smoke it.
[20:29] HIJIKATA
    What should I wish for?
[20:31] NUMELON
    I'm about to dry up!
[20:36] HIJIKATA
    I know!
[20:38] HIJIKATA
    I'll get the last one.
[20:48] MINISTER
    You're...
[20:51] MINISTER
    Why are you here again?
[20:53] HIJIKATA
    I've changed my mind...
    I want the last cigarette.
[21:01] HIJIKATA
    I know that's an important memento
    from your dad. But...
[21:07] HIJIKATA
    ...you don't need a memento anymore
    if you have your dad back.
[21:13] DELDE
    Don't tell me... Da...
[21:17] HIJIKATA
    Yeah. It's your dad.
[21:21] DELDE
    Whose dad is he?!
[21:22] ---
    What's with this Ooey-gooey?!
[21:24] HIJIKATA
    No, it's not Ooey-gooey, it's Slimy-grimy!
[21:26] MINISTER
    There's a limit to disgracing the dead!
[21:29] HIJIKATA
    No, it's true. Even if it's
    Slimy-grimy, he's real...
[21:38] PASSENGER
    It's you again.
[21:41] PASSENGER
    Were you able to smoke
    a cigarette, after all?
[21:42] PASSENGER
    Where will you go next?
[21:46] HIJIKATA
    I've decided...
[21:50] HIJIKATA
    ...to quit smoking.
[23:28] MASTER GAME
    After Hijikata returned to earth,
[23:30] MASTER GAME
    he wasn't able to give
    up smoking, after all.
[23:34] MASTER GAME
    In order to get the legendary cigarette,
    Hijikata works hard at training.
[23:41] MASTER GAME
    And a new powerful enemy appears before him.
[23:45] MASTER GAME
    Next episode will be Ooey-gooey
    ball, episode 120.
[23:48] HIJIKATA
    Cut it out! This can't be right!
[23:51] KOBAYASHI
    Everyone! Please watch it!
SIGN    [Note: Parody of next week remark from Dragon Ball.]
[23:53] HIJIKATA
    I said, shut up!
[23:54] ---
    Huh?
SIGN    Deadline <3
[23:55] ---
    Wait, the gorilla is still
    sleeping instead of brainstorming?
[23:59] ---
    Excuse me!
[24:00] ---
    Didn't you miss your deadline?
[24:03] ---
    Hey!

E256.C - Gintama Classic - Life is a Test
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:30] YAMAZAKI
    Umm, excuse me.
[01:32] ANTIFOREIGNER FACTIONMEMBER B
    Wh-Who are you?!
[01:33] YAMAZAKI
    H-Hold on a second. I'm not suspicious.
[01:37] ANTIFOREIGNER FACTIONMEMBER B
    Who are you?! Give us your name!!
[01:38] YAMAZAKI
    Umm... I see that you have a sword at your
    side when there's a ban on swords...
[01:42] YAMAZAKI
    I assume that you are Anti-Foreigner
    Faction members.
[01:46] ANTIFOREIGNER FACTIONMEMBER B
    What do you want?!
[01:47] YAMAZAKI
    Please...
[01:48] YAMAZAKI
    Would you...
[01:50] YAMAZAKI
    Would you let me join the ranks
    of the Anti-Foreigner Faction?
SIGN    ["Life is a Test"]
[02:01] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    This is the most dangerous
    part of my job as a spy.
[02:04] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    It's called undercover investigations.
[02:07] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    I sneak into the ranks of the enemy and
    leak secret information to my allies.
[02:11] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    The rewards are huge, but so is the risk.
[02:14] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Therefore, only the most skilled
    spies take on these missions.
[02:20] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    You must be skilled enough to
    mask your true feelings while
[02:23] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    risking your life when faced with the danger
    of being discovered by the enemy.
[02:25] ---
    And you can't make a single mistake
    when in enemy territory.
[02:29] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    You need finesse to perform your job
    with precision in extreme situations.
[02:33] ---
    And...
[02:34] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    You need to be extremely bland in
    order to blend in with everything.
[02:37] ---
    The person in the Shinsengumi
[02:39] ---
    who has all of these traits is none
    other than I, Sagaru Yamazaki.
[02:43] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    I never expected Anti-Foreigner Faction
    members to be hiding in a town like this.
[02:48] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Akiba Neo, the underground city.
SIGN    [Note: Parody of Akihabara.]
[02:50] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Called a holy land by otaku, it's Edo's
    most famous mechanical district.
[02:53] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    The town is like a maze. It's indeed
    a perfect place for hiding out.
[03:04] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    The Unstoppable Kotaro Katsura.
[03:07] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    I have to get close to him. Find
    out where his officials are...
[03:11] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    And round up all of the Anti-Foreigner
    Faction members.
[03:14] KATSURA
    I see. I understand.
[03:20] KATSURA
    All right. Let's begin the interview.
[03:24] YAMAZAKI
    Huh?
[03:25] KATSURA
    Give me your resume.
[03:27] YAMAZAKI
    Huh? Umm... I can't join the Anti-Foreigner
    Faction without passing an interview?
[03:32] KATSURA
    It's a precaution against spies.
[03:34] KATSURA
    I can't fight and leave my back open to
    someone with a suspicious background.
[03:38] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    What is this?
[03:40] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Why do I need to take an interview to partake
    in Anti-Foreigner Faction activities?
[03:42] YAMAZAKI
    S-Sorry... I forgot my resume.
[03:46] ---
    But I am more concerned about
    my country than anyone else.
[03:50] KATSURA
    I don't care about that.
    Just give me your resume.
[03:59] ---
    Let me give this to you straight.
[04:02] ---
    Don't you have any common sense?
[04:04] ---
    When you go job hunting, you usually
    bring a resume with you.
[04:08] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Job hunting? I'm job hunting?!
[04:11] KATSURA
    You're supposed to come in a suit.
[04:14] KATSURA
    What did you come here for?
[04:16] KATSURA
    I'm not the only one who will tell you this.
[04:19] ---
    Just to let you know, any company
    will say the same thing.
[04:22] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    You're not a company!
[04:24] KATSURA
    Also, you sat down before I told you to.
[04:29] KATSURA
    Usually, you sit after your
    interviewer tells you to sit.
[04:33] YAMAZAKI
    S-Sorry...
[04:35] KATSURA
    All businesses want people
    who have common sense.
[04:40] KATSURA
    We say that a person's education
    decides his worth...
[04:42] KATSURA
    But anyone can learn their
    job while they're doing it.
[04:47] MAID
    Master, welcome back.
[04:49] KATSURA
    I'm not "master." I'm Katsura.
[04:51] MAID
    If you pay a special fee, you
    can have fun with the maids.
[04:55] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    I don't need you of all
    people to tell me that!!
[04:57] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Why do I have to be lectured
    by someone who
[04:59] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    holds an interview in a maid cafe?!
[05:01] KATSURA
    Well, anyway, even though we're
    Anti-Foreigner Faction members,
[05:02] MAID
    Jankenpon.
[05:04] KATSURA
    we need common sense.
[05:04] ---
    Aikodesho, sho, sho, sho.
[05:05] ---
    Revolutionaries destroy
    the existing norms.
[05:08] ---
    And because of that, revolutionaries need
    to understand what's common and normal.
[05:09] ---
    I win!!
[05:10] ---
    Turn that way!
[05:14] KATSURA
    Keep that in mind if you want to become
    an Anti-Foreigner Faction member.
[05:18] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Huh? I thought I was going to fail,
[05:21] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    but this looks kind of good, doesn't it?
[05:23] MAID
    Jankenpon.
[05:23] KATAURA
    Well, the interview is over.
     Hey, take him.
[05:25] ---
    Aikodesho.
[05:27] MAID
    Aikodesho, sho, sho, sho.
[05:27] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    He said it was an interview, but did
    he really just want to meet me?
[05:30] ANTIFOREIGNER FACTIONMEMBER A
    Let's go.
[05:31] YAMAZAKI
    Oh, yes.
[05:34] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    That's right.
[05:35] MAID
    Turn that way!
[05:35] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    There's no way the Anti-Foreigner
    Faction
[05:37] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    would ever do anything weird
    like have interviews.
[05:40] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    I'm glad... I managed to infiltrate them.
SIGN    [Anti-Foreigner Faction Employment Exam]
[05:48] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Why does the Anti-Foreigner Faction
    have an entrance test?!
[05:50] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    First an interview, and now a test?!
[05:53] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    This is no different from
    a regular business!
[05:55] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    This is weird! This is definitely weird!!
[05:57] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    This is bad.
[05:58] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    I never expected it to be so difficult to become
    an Anti-Foreigner Faction member.
[06:03] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    What kind of questions do
    they have on their test?!
[06:05] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    I never studied for it!
[06:06] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    What is everyone studying?!
[06:08] EXAM STUDENT A
    Hey, did you prepare?
[06:11] EXAM STUDENT A
    I'm in trouble. I didn't study at all.
    I'm going to fail. This is bad.
[06:17] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    This guy's bloodshot eyes
    say otherwise.
[06:20] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    There's always one faker in the class.
[06:22] EXAM STUDENT A
    Oh...
[06:24] KATSURA
    All right, quiet down.
[06:26] KATSURA
    We're going to start the Anti-Foreigner
    Faction employment exam.
[06:29] KATSURA
    Put away your textbooks!
[06:31] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    What textbooks?!
[06:33] KATSURA
    It's too late to stuff anything
    else into your head now!
[06:36] KATSURA
    You're no match for those who have always
    been doing the review exercises!
[06:39] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Review exercises? What
    review exercises?!
[06:42] KATSURA
    All right, take a look at this.
[06:44] KATSURA
    I'm going to put the questions
    up on the screen one by one.
[06:47] KATSURA
    Everyone, use the panel in front
    of you to answer each question.
[06:51] KATSURA
    Afterwards, I will announce the answer.
[06:54] KATSURA
    We have a proctor keeping watch
    in the back, so try not to cheat.
[06:59] KATSURA
    Everyone, please try your best.
[07:02] KATSURA
    Let the test begin!
SIGN    [Question 1 - Write down the correct reading of the following word: Shinsengumi]
[07:05] KATSURA
    Question one. Write down the correct
    reading of the following word.
[07:07] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    What is this?! It's incredibly easy!! I see!
[07:12] KATSURA
    Even though we're Anti-Foreigner Faction
    members, we need common sense.
[07:15] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Even if it's a test, it's a question to see
    how much common sense one has!
[07:19] ---
    I haven't studied for this test, but
    it looks like I can pass this.
SIGN    [Shinsengumi]
[07:22] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    The answer is "Shinsengumi"!
[07:24] KATSURA
    All right, time's up. This is the answer.
SIGN    [Scum]
[07:28] KATSURA
    The answer is "scum."
[07:29] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    On what planet is that common sense?!
[07:32] KATSURA
    Well, this is common sense amongst
    Anti-Foreigner Faction members.
[07:35] KATSURA
    Other answers like "idiots," "trash," and
    "lately intrusive" are also correct.
[07:39] EXAM STUDENT B
    All right! I got it correct!
[07:41] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Is that what these guys usually call us?!
[07:44] EXAM STUDENT A
    Tsk! A trick question.
SIGN    [Shin (crossed out)] Maeragumi]
[07:45] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    You got the question wrong, too!
[07:48] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    What did you study all night?!
[07:50] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    This is bad. I can't even get the correct
    answer using common sense.
[07:53] ---
    I need to answer the questions with the mindset
    of an Anti-Foreigner Faction member.
SIGN    [Question 2 - Write down the correct reading for the following word: Shogun]
[07:56] KATSURA
    The second question. Write down the
    correct reading for the following word.
SIGN    [Shogun Shogun Shogun Shogun Shogun Shogun]
[08:00] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    The normal answer would be "shogun."
[08:02] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    But to the Anti-Foreigner Faction,
    he is the boss of the enemy.
[08:06] ---
    Which means...
SIGN    [Smegma]
[08:07] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    I'll get it right if I insult him.
SIGN    [Correct Answer: Ken Matsudaira]
[08:09] KATSURA
    The correct answer is Ken Matsudaira.
[08:11] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Why is there a kanji reading
    for a kanji word?!
[08:14] KATSURA
    Well, this is common sense
    amongst faction members.
[08:17] KATSURA
    "Roughneck," and "cooking
    lover" are also correct.
SIGN    [Note: "Roughneck" is "Abarenbo" in Japanese. Ken 
    Matsudaira is the star of the TV show Abarenbo Shogun.]
[08:20] EXAM STUDENT D
    All right! I did it!!
[08:21] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Why are there people who got it correct?!
[08:23] ---
    What kind of brains do they have?!
SIGN    [Question 3 - Write down the following word in kanji: Jackie Chan]
[08:25] KATSURA
    The third question. Write down
    the following word in kanji.
[08:28] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    This doesn't have anything to do with
    the Anti-Foreigner Faction anymore!
[08:30] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Jackie?! I don't know! This
    is just plain unreasonable!
[08:32] KATSURA
    The answer is "nose."
SIGN    [Question 3 - Write down the following word in kanji: Jackie Chan] [Nose]
[08:34] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    You just hate Jackie's nose!!
[08:37] KATSURA
    Well, this is common sense
    amongst faction members.
[08:40] KATSURA
    "Chair" and "Ryo Saeba was pretty
    painful" are also correct.
SIGN    [Note: Jackie Chan played Ryo Saeba in the Hong Kong version of City Hunter.]
[08:43] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    That last one was just your opinion!
    Don't mention City Hunter!
[08:48] KATSURA
    We've been doing Japanese until now.
[08:49] KATSURA
    Starting with the next question,
    we'll be doing math.
[08:51] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    This is bad... I still haven't
    got a single question right.
[08:55] KATSURA
    Question number four.
[08:56] KATSURA
    There are ten Shinsengumi members.
[08:58] KATSURA
    Six Anti-Foreigner Faction members run
    into them on the side of the road.
[09:01] KATSURA
    The Shinsengumi attack, and three of the Anti-Foreigner
    Faction members are killed.
[09:05] KATSURA
    Unyielding, the Anti-Foreigner Faction members
    kill two Shinsengumi members.
[09:09] KATSURA
    Amidst the confusion of the battle,
[09:10] KATSURA
    two more Shinsengumi
    members are injured,
[09:13] KATSURA
    but six more join them and two Anti-Foreigner
    Faction members are killed.
[09:17] KATSURA
    How many noses does Jackie have?
[09:20] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    One, of course!!
[09:22] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    How long are you going to
    keep talking about Jackie?!
[09:24] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    This has absolutely nothing
    to do with the battle!!
[09:26] KATSURA
    Umm... This question is incredibly
    difficult, so I'll give you extra time.
[09:31] KATSURA
    Think about it for an hour.
[09:33] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    I don't need an hour!
[09:35] ---
    No...wait! He's been giving us
    deceptive answers until now.
[09:41] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    What if Jackie was in this battle?!
[09:44] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    What if Jackie's nose...
[09:47] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Was cut off in the battle?!
[09:48] KATSURA
    The correct answer is "one."
[09:50] KATSURA
    You there, be quiet.
[09:52] YAMAZAKI
    Oh, sorry...
[09:54] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    I was completely tricked!
[09:56] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    I read into it too much and let a
    question I could answer slip by!
[09:59] EXAM STUDENT A
    Tsk! A trick question, huh?
[10:01] EXAM STUDENT A
    That was close.
[10:02] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    What exactly were you tricked by?!
[10:05] KATSURA
    Umm... That's it for math.
[10:07] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    This isn't math!
SIGN    [Question 5 - Translate  the following passage.]
[10:09] KATSURA
    The next section is foreign language.
[10:11] ---
    Question five. Translate
    the following passage.
[10:14] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    What language is this?!
    I can't read it at all!!
[10:17] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Is this an alien language
    from another planet?!
[10:19] ---
    An illustration?! That's
    it! That illustration!
[10:22] ---
    That picture has got to represent
    the contents of the passage!
[10:25] ---
    I've got to rely on intuition and
    this picture to translate it!
[10:28] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    No matter how I look at this,
    it's a picture of a battlefield.
[10:30] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    One guy is about to die and the other
    is listening to his last words.
[10:34] ---
    There's no mistake...
[10:37] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    He has something in his hand!
[10:38] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    A letter? No, a photograph!
[10:54] SERGEANT
    Never mind me... Hurry up
    and run away, you maggot!
[10:58] PRIVATE (mono)
    The Sergeant quickly grew
    cold in my arms...
[11:03] PRIVATE (mono)
    He was a drill sergeant who
    was so terrifying and hateful.
[11:08] PRIVATE (mono)
    But right now his face looked so kind.
[11:10] SERGEANT
    Can't you follow your superior's
    orders, you maggot?!
[11:13] SERGEANT
    Maggot! Tell me you're
    a maggot, you maggot!
[11:17] PRIVATE
    Sergeant! I am a maggot!
[11:20] PRIVATE
    I was abandoned by my
    parents like a maggot!
[11:23] ---
    No one will be sad if a
    maggot like me dies!
[11:27] ---
    Please let me do whatever I want!
[11:29] SERGEANT
    What a coincidence, maggot!
[11:32] SERGEANT
    When I took up arms, I also
    discarded my family.
[11:35] SERGEANT
    No one will grieve for me anymore.
    But you're different...
[11:39] PRIVATE (mono)
    After the Sergeant said this he slowly
    took a blood-splattered photograph
[11:43] PRIVATE (mono)
    out of his inner breast pocket.
[11:46] SERGEANT
    You have someone who
    will grieve for you.
[11:49] PRIVATE (mono)
    It was a picture of when my mother
    was still young and healthy.
[11:54] PRIVATE (mono)
    By her side was the Sergeant.
    He was holding a baby.
[11:59] SERGEANT
    Tell me I'm a maggot...my son.
[12:04] PRIVATE
    Instructor...
[12:06] ---
    You're a maggot.
[12:08] ---
    You're a maggot's precious...good-for-nothing
    father!
[12:17] PRIVATE (mono)
    The instructor smiled
    and ceased moving.
[12:24] YAMAZAKI
    All right. This should be good!
[12:27] KATSURA
    Now, the correct answer...
[12:31] SERGEANT
    Jackie's nose is big, isn't it?
[12:33] KATSURA
    That's it.
[12:35] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    It was a picture of Jackie?!
[12:37] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    How long a passage do you need to
    express how big Jackie's nose is?!
[12:43] EXAM STUDENT A
    It was wrong but I was touched.
[12:46] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Don't look at my answer!
    It's too embarrassing!
[12:50] KATSURA
    The next question is the final
    question in the written exam.
[12:53] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    The last one already?! Most of the
    questions were only about Jackie!
SIGN    
    
[12:56] KATSURA
    Write down the reason why you want to join
    the Anti-Foreigner faction in Kamchatkan.
[13:00] EXAM STUDENTS
    What?! Kamchatkan?!
[13:03] EXAM STUDENT B
    This is impossible!! I can't write
    in such a difficult language!
[13:07] KATSURA
    This is a difficult question so
    if you get this right, you pass.
[13:13] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    It's over. I failed my mission.
[13:16] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    The Vice-Chief is going
    to be angry with me.
[13:17] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    I'll just write anything...
[13:20] KATSURA
    Umm... One person got it correct.
    Examinee number 11!
[13:25] YAMAZAKI
    Huh?
[13:25] EXAM STUDENTS
    Wow!
[13:27] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    I just wrote anything. Is this for real?!
[13:29] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Whatever the case, I can carry
    out my mission! All right!
[13:34] YAMAZAKI
    I did it!
[13:37] KATSURA
    Umm... Since he got it correct,
    let's take a look at his answer.
[13:39] KATSURA
    When translated, it says, "I came here to
    carry out an undercover investigation.
[13:44] KATSURA
    I will send all you Anti-Foreigner
    Faction members to hell."
[13:49] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Huh?
[13:57] CM BUMPERYAMAZAKI (mono)
    What?!
[13:59] ---
    Th-This is bad...
[14:01] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    They discovered that I've come to
    do an undercover investigation!
[14:03] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    What's the meaning of this?!
[14:05] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Did they know who I was
    from the beginning?!
[14:08] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    U-Umm...
[14:12] KATSURA
    Hmm... You wish to become a part of
    our undercover investigation squad.
[14:14] KATSURA
    Good job. Everyone, give
    him a round of applause.
[14:17] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Huh?
[14:20] ---
    They didn't find out who I was...
[14:23] ---
    Thank goodness... Now I can...
[14:25] KATSURA
    Those who have passed the written
    exam will now take the final test.
[14:28] KATSURA
    We will have a skills test.
[14:30] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Huh? Huh?
[14:32] KATSURA
    You will take a skills test for
    undercover investigation.
[14:36] ---
    Undercover investigation is
    one of the most difficult
[14:38] ---
    of Anti-Foreigner Faction activities.
[14:40] ---
    The enemy isn't stupid enough
    to overlook spies.
[14:44] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    There is an idiot right in front of me!!
[14:47] KATSURA
    Even though it's a test, you
    don't know what'll happen.
[14:50] KATSURA
    So you will take the test
    under supervison.
[14:53] ---
    Captain Dragon!
[14:55] YAMAZAKI
    Captain...Dragon?
[15:14] YAMAZAKI
    U-Umm...
[15:15] DRAGON
    Hello, I'm Captain Dragon.
[15:18] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Huh?
[15:18] DRAGON
    You're going to be sneaking into the headquarters
    of a certain organization with me.
[15:22] DRAGON
    You'll pass if you can steal
    a secret document.
[15:24] ---
    Then you'll be a formal Anti-Foreigner
    Faction member. Got that?
[15:28] YAMAZAKI
    Well, anyway... You're one
    of those, aren't you?
[15:30] YAMAZAKI
    You're supposed to be him, aren't
    you? You're a Jackie look-alike...
[15:33] DRAGON
    I'm not Jackie. I'm Captain Dragon!
[15:36] YAMAZAKI
    Your face is really close to mine.
[15:37] DRAGON
    Let me ask you one thing.
[15:39] DRAGON
    What is the one thing you must protect
[15:40] DRAGON
    more than anything during an
    undercover investigation?
[15:43] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Huh? Is this a test question?
[15:46] DRAGON
    The answer is "your nose."
[15:47] YAMAZAKI
    Your nose?
[15:48] DRAGON
    That's right. Your nose!
[15:50] DRAGON
    There are many vital spots
    on the human body.
[15:53] DRAGON
    Amateurs often guess that the testicles
    are the most vulnerable spot,
[15:56] DRAGON
    but this is wrong!
[15:57] DRAGON
    The most vulnerable spot is the nose!!
[15:59] DRAGON
    Got that?!
[16:02] KATSURA
    The final test...
[16:05] KATSURA
    Project Z will now begin!!
[16:17] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    There it is. This was unexpectedly easy.
[16:19] YAMAZAKI
    I did it! I've passed the skills test!
[16:26] KATSURA
    What wonderful skills!
    You've passed so far!
[16:29] KATSURA
    But you're being tested until you get that secret
    document safely to our headquarters!
[16:34] ---
    Your excursion continues until you
    greet the people back home!
[16:37] YAMAZAKI
    Shh... Katsura-san, the enemy's
    going to find us!
[16:39] ENEMY D
    Hey, who was talking just now?!
[16:41] ENEMY E
    We've got intruders!
[16:42] ENEMY F
    They're in the secret documents room!
[16:43] YAMAZAKI
    They discovered us!
[16:45] KATSURA
    The enemy found you during a crucial
    time. You're still too naïve.
[16:49] YAMAZAKI
    They discovered us because of you!
[16:51] DRAGON
    Let's run away! Follow
    me, exam student!
[16:54] ENEMY G
    Wait! They're over there!
[16:57] YAMAZAKI
    Th-They followed us!
SIGN    [Question: Choose the correct action to take in this situation.]
[16:59] KATSURA
    Here's a question. Choose the correct
    action to take in this situation.
[17:03] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Huh?! This is part of the test?!
[17:04] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    The correct action? Our only
    choice is to run away...
SIGN    [Clock Tower]
[17:08] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    A bicycle?
[17:09] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Nunchucks? A hanger?
    A dirty soccer ball?
[17:13] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    A clock tower?
[17:14] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    I see! I have to use one of these objects!
[17:17] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    More than anything, I should choose
    to escape. In that case...
[17:20] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    This is it!!
[17:22] KATSURA
    This is the correct answer!!
[17:26] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Oh no! So that was the correct answer!
[17:44] YAMAZAKI
    You fell?!
[17:45] KATSURA
    The answer is, "We'll use that cut for the
    outtakes during the ending credits."
SIGN    [Note: Parody of a Hong Kong Kung-fu action movie.]
[17:50] YAMAZAKI
    I can't use that!
[17:51] KATSURA
    Let's go! We're going to shake them
    off with a car chase. I'm good at that.
[17:54] ENEMY B
    There they are. Stop!
[17:56] DRAGON
    This is bad.
[18:05] YAMAZAKI
    Why your nose?!
[18:06] YAMAZAKI
    If you can protect your nose, you
    should've protect your butt!
[18:07] KATSURA
    Don't worry about us! We've overcome
    danger like this many times.
[18:12] YAMAZAKI
    You're just fools!
[18:18] YAMAZAKI
    It's a dead end.
[18:19] ---
    Crap!
[18:19] ENEMY H
    There they are! They're over there!
[18:22] YAMAZAKI
    Oh no! They're after us!
SIGN    [Question: Choose the correct action to take in this situation.]
[18:23] KATSURA
    Here's a question. Choose the correct
    action to take in this situation.
[18:28] YAMAZAKI
    You should take the correct
    course of action!
[18:30] ---
    Honestly...
[18:31] ---
    We've got to fight!
[18:34] DRAGON
    Wrong. The correct answer
    is to call Fatgon.
SIGN    [Note: Parody of "Enter The Fat Dragon" by Sammo Hung]
[18:38] ---
    Fatgon!
[18:40] FATGON
    What is it, Dragon?
[18:41] YAMAZAKI
    Why Fatgon?! Why is he here?!
[18:43] KATSURA
    If you called Un Pyao, you would
    have gotten half a point.
SIGN    [Note: Parody of Yuan Biao. Also a Hong Kong action star.]
[18:46] YAMAZAKI
    Why would I do that?!
[18:48] YAMAZAKI
    Anyway, we've got to
    get away from here!
[18:50] KATSURA
    I see! But I won't give you a point for that!
[18:53] YAMAZAKI
    I don't need any!
[18:55] YAMAZAKI
    Again?! Why is Edo filled
    with dead ends?
[18:58] YAMAZAKI
    What is the Shogunate doing?!
[19:00] KATSURA
    That's a poignant Anti-Foreigner
    Faction-like comment.
[19:02] KATSURA
    I'll give you three points.
[19:03] YAMAZAKI
    You're annoying!
[19:05] YAMAZAKI
    This is the end of the line...
[19:07] KATSURA
    Here's a question. What do you think
    Fatgon should do in this situation?
SIGN    [Question: What should Fatgon  do in this situation?]
[19:11] YAMAZAKI
    That has nothing to do with Jackie
    anymore! He's Fatgon!
[19:16] FATGON
    Sorry, Dragon, I don't want to die.
[19:19] DRAGON
    I'm disappointed in you!
[19:21] DRAGON
    You're no different from
    when you were a thief!
[19:23] YAMAZAKI
    I'm disappointed in you for trying
    to get help from a thief!
[19:26] FATGON
    We'll talk afterwards. Get them!
[19:31] DRAGON
    Exam student, use your body to
    protect the secret document!
[19:38] YAMAZAKI
    You should protect more
    than just your nose!
[19:41] ---
    All right, now!
[19:43] KATSURA
    Here's a question!
[19:44] DRAGON
    Your comrade is being attacked!
[19:47] KATSURA
    What should you do?!
[19:48] YAMAZAKI
    Why don't you just ask me for help?!
[19:51] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Katsura is my enemy.
[19:53] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    Captain Dragon is allied with
    the Anti-Foreigner Faction.
[19:55] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    In that case, there should be no
    problem if I abandon them.
[19:59] ---
    But this is an undercover mission.
[20:02] ---
    A spy must become an Anti-Foreigner
    Faction member in mind and body.
[20:06] ---
    In that case...
[20:13] YAMAZAKI
    Let's run away, Katsura-san,
    Captain Dragon!
[20:18] KATSURA
    An Anti-Foreigner Faction
    member must sometimes
[20:22] KATSURA
    be cold-hearted in order
    to accomplish his goals.
[20:24] ---
    You should have run away.
[20:27] ---
    I can't give you any points for the test.
[20:31] DRAGON
    But you pass as a human being.
[20:38] YAMAZAKI
    Crap... We were almost there.
[20:41] DRAGON
    It's still not over, yet.
    We've still got more tricks!
[20:46] YAMAZAKI
    That's a really cool thing to say,
    but this is all to much...
[20:50] KATSURA
    Here's a question.
[20:52] DRAGON
    Your comrades can't help you and
    you're surrounded by bad guys.
[20:56] KATSURA
    Choose the correct course of action
    in this hopeless situation.
[21:01] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    I don't know... What should
    I do in this situation?
[21:06] DRAGON
    The correct answer is...
[21:07] KATSURA
    To not give up!
[21:09] YAMAZAKI
    But...
[21:10] DRAGON
    Take the secret document and run away.
[21:12] YAMAZAKI
    Huh? But what about you two?
[21:15] KATSURA
    We'll...
[21:16] DRAGON
    Protect...
[21:17] DRAGON
    Our new comrade!!
[21:19] YAMAZAKI
    Katsura-san!
[21:20] ---
    Captain Dragon!
[21:22] KATSURA
    Go! Get outta here!!
[21:26] DRAGON
    Don't let our efforts go to waste!
[21:28] KATSURA
    Go!
[21:32] ENEMY C
    I won't let you!
[21:36] YAMAZAKI
    Katsura-san, Captain Dragon, I'll
    come back with reinforcements!
[21:42] ENEMY A
    Don't let him get away!
[21:44] DRAGON
    I won't let you!
[21:49] YAMAZAKI
    I need to get help! I need
    to find help right away!
[21:52] KAMAZAKI
    Katsura-san and Captain Dragon are...
[22:01] YAMAZAKI
    Huh? Huh?
[22:05] KATSURA
    You did well. You passed magnificently.
[22:12] DRAGON
    From today on, you're an Anti-Foreigner
    Faction member!
[22:15] YAMAZAKI
    Katsura-san, Captain Dragon...
[22:19] KATSURA
    You dropped something...
SIGN    [Shogunate Special Armed Police Shinsengumi Investigator Sagaru Yamazaki]
[22:24] YAMAZAKI
    Huh?
[22:25] YAMAZAKI (mono)
    What?!
SIGN    Deadline...
[23:58] ---
    Hey, gorilla.
[23:59] ---
    Can you start working on the draft?
[24:02] ---
    I'll give you some bananas.
SIGN    Deadline...
[24:09] ---
    

E256.C - Gintama Classic - It Takes a Bit of Courage to Enter a Street Vendor's Stand
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    It's starting!
SIGN    [Note: Written on Elizabeth's sign. 
    Parody of an MGM silent film.]
SIGN    Elizabeth's first errand
SIGN    Starring
SIGN    Elizabeth
    
    
    Kotaro Katsura
SIGN    All the people in Edo
SIGN    Katsura: Elizabeth, I need  you to run an errand.
SIGN    An errand?
SIGN    Katsura: There's a sale on  shampoo at the Oedo Mart.
SIGN    Why me?
SIGN    Katsura: I'm a wanted member of the  Anti-Foreigner Faction, though I may not look the part.
SIGN    Katsura: I can't go shopping at a  supermarket in broad daylight...
SIGN    You can keep the change.
SIGN    Hostess Bar
    Only 2000 yen!!
SIGN    Hostess Bar Old Lady Paradise
SIGN    Nakamura Restaurant
SIGN    Flower Shop
SIGN    Hemorrhoids. Your Worries
SIGN    Katsura: Elizabeth isn't back yet...
SIGN    Where's the Oedo Store again?
SIGN    Where is the Oedo Store?
SIGN    Michael: I can't read Japanese.
SIGN    I'm trying to get to the Oedo Store.
SIGN    Old Man: My eyes aren't too good.
SIGN    Where is the Oedo Store located??
SIGN    Pedro: How about you listen  to my story instead?
SIGN    Pedro: This weird kid showed up  at my place again last night.
SIGN    Pedro: They ring my doorbell and say...
SIGN    20 minutes later
SIGN    Pedro: So yeah, this story doesn't  really have a punch line or anything.
SIGN    Where is the Oedo Store located?
SIGN    Pedro: Huh? Oedo Store?
SIGN    Pedro: Never heard of it.
SIGN    Kagura: Elizabeth, what's up?
SIGN    Big Sale
SIGN    ...My spare sign...
SIGN    is gone.
SIGN    What do I do?
SIGN    What do I do?!
[04:15] Elizabeth
    Excuse me.
SIGN    [Note: Voice by supervisor, 
    Shinji Takamatsu.]
[04:16] Elizabeth
    Where's the Oedo Store?
SIGN    Kagura: Over there.
SIGN    Katsura: Oh!! What a relief, Elizabeth.
SIGN    Katsura: This is...
SIGN    conditioner.
SIGN    Katsura: Unbelievable!!  This is unbelievable!!
SIGN    Katsura: I expected you to  be a little more useful.
SIGN    Katsura: What are you going to do  if my long hair becomes all dry?!
SIGN    Katsura: I don't want to end up with dandruff. I'll have  a hard time leading my men if my head's covered with flakes.
SIGN    Katsura: Everyone will be staring at the dandruff instead of listening to what I say. Ahh, I expected you to be a little  more useful. A preschooler could run this errand for me. I saw it on TV the other day, and I almost cried. But no, look at you.
SIGN    Whoohoo!
SIGN    ["It Takes a Bit of Courage to 
    Enter a Street Vendor's Stand"]
SIGN    
[07:07] Man
    Welcome!
[07:09] Gin
    Man, it's freezing today, old man.
[07:12] Man
    It sure is.
[07:14] Man
    It might snow soon.
[07:17] Man
    They keep talking about global warming,
[07:19] Man
    but Earth's only getting
    warmer on the outside.
[07:23] Gin
    Got that right.
SIGN    [Note: "Warm action" refers to getting 
    some more money in his wallet.]
[07:24] Gin
    When will I get some
    warm action going on?
[07:28] Man
    Warm yourself up with
    some of this, big guy.
[07:31] Gin
    Sorry, but I'm looking
    for something sweeter.
[07:36] Man
    Sweeter?
[07:37] Gin
    Sorry, but could you mix a little
    coffee milk or strawberry milk in there?
[07:41] Gin
    Can you fix one up?
[07:43] Man
    Absolutely, but you have
    unique tastes, big guy.
[07:48] Gin
    You know what they say.
[07:49] Gin
    Something sweet helps
    when you're exhausted.
[07:53] Man
    That's right, big guy.
    You look awfully tired.
[07:56] Man
    And your hair's all white.
[07:58] Man
    Did something happen?
[08:00] Gin
    I was born this way.
[08:02] Man
    If you've got something on your
    mind, why not let it out here?
[08:07] Gin
    Huh?
[08:07] Man
    Men are vain creatures.
[08:10] Man
    They never complain, whether
    at work or at home.
[08:13] Man
    Some things can only
    be told to a stranger.
[08:16] Man
    Men need a place like this.
[08:21] Gin
    There really isn't
    anything on my mind...
[08:25] Gin
    Besides, the audience is watching.
[08:27] Man
    Don't worry. This place protects
    the privacy of its customers.
[08:32] Man
    Like how they can't even see your face.
[08:35] Gin
    Ah, I see.
[08:36] Man
    Yeah.
[08:37] Man
    It'll be like this the entire episode,
    so nobody will know who you are.
[08:42] Man
    Feel free to say anything.
[08:44] Gin
    Ah, I see.
[08:45] Man
    By the way, the practice here
[08:47] Man
    is to pretend you don't recognize
    each other if you're acquaintances.
[08:52] Man
    First: Complain all you want.
[08:56] Man
    Second: Come alone.
[08:58] Man
    Third: Pretend you don't recognize
    each other if you're acquaintances.
[09:02] Man
    Fourth: Forget everything you hear
    in this place and do not tell a soul.
[09:07] Man
    A place where you can
    feel free to complain.
[09:11] Man
    That's what this stall is for.
[09:14] Man
    Come on, big guy. Don't think too
    much and just spill your guts today.
[09:20] Man
    Brush off all the dirt
    from this sad world
[09:22] ---
    so you can feel refreshed
    tomorrow, yeah?
[09:25] Man
    Okay, coffee milk with shochu.
[09:27] Gin
    Complain, you say?
[09:29] Gin
    Actually, I'm complaining all the time,
    so I don't really have anything...
[09:32] Hijikata
    'Sup.
[09:33] Man
    Hey, welcome!
[09:35] Man
    Ah, sorry, big guy.
[09:36] Man
    Could you slide over a bit?
[09:38] Man
    Give this handsome samurai a seat.
[09:41] Hijikata
    Ah, sorry.
[09:42] Gin
    Not at all. Go ahead.
[09:45] Hijikata
    Whew, I can finally warm myself up.
[09:48] Gin
    It's freezing out there.
[09:49] Gin
    Came out of nowhere, really.
[09:51] Gin
    It wasn't this bad yesterday.
[09:54] Hijikata
    Indeed.
[09:55] Hijikata
    We're pretty much guaranteed
    to have snow...
[10:01] Man
    Eh? Why did the two of you
    suddenly stop talking?
[10:07] Man
    Don't tell me...
[10:11] Gin
    Ah, no. It's nothing.
[10:14] Hijikata
    Hey, pops.
[10:15] Hijikata
    Give me hot sake.
[10:16] Hijikata
    [Note: Fish cakes and tofu fritters 
    are popular items in an Oden hotpot.]
[10:16] Hijikata
    And a fish cake, a tofu
    fritter, and an egg.
[10:18] Man
    Gotcha.
[10:18] Hijikata
    And the usual...
[10:21] Man
    Gotcha. Mayonnaise, right?
[10:25] Gin
    Uh, do you come here often?
[10:28] Hijikata
    Huh?
[10:29] Gin
    Well, you just asked for the usual...
[10:32] Gin
    Do you have a lot of complaining to do?
[10:35] Hijikata
    Nah, only once in a while.
[10:37] Hijikata
    Only been here two or three times, yeah.
[10:39] Man
    You've been here at least fifty times.
[10:41] Hijikata
    Uh, pops?
[10:42] Hijikata
    Could you butt out? Please stop.
[10:44] Gin
    Huh? You're here today
    to complain again?
[10:46] Hijikata
    No, I'm just here for a drink today.
[10:49] Man
    Is it that gorilla boss of yours again?
[10:52] Hijikata
    Pops, keep your mouth shut.
[10:54] Hijikata
    Stop it!
[10:55] Gin
    Huh, your boss is a gorilla?
[10:58] Gin
    Sounds hard... No wonder
    you want to complain.
[11:01] Hijikata
    No, you've got it wrong.
[11:03] Hijikata
    Though he's a gorilla.
[11:05] Hijikata
    It's not like I'm badmouthing
    him all the time.
[11:08] Man
    That's right. Instead of badmouthing
    him all the time, you just go...
[11:11] Man
    "Die!" usually.
[11:14] Hijikata
    Pops!
[11:15] Hijikata
    Die!
[11:16] Hijikata
    You die!
[11:17] Man
    No, listen to me, big guy.
[11:19] Man
    The mayo samurai's boss is
    always pestering this woman.
[11:24] Man
    And this guy has to clean
    up afterwards every time.
[11:28] Gin
    I see. That sounds rough.
[11:31] Gin
    Sounds rough, but "Die!"
    was a little shocking.
[11:34] Hijikata
    No, when I say die...
[11:37] Hijikata
    It's like a figure of speech...
[11:40] Hijikata
    Like an expression of love...
[11:43] Hijikata
    If I really wanted him to die,
    I wouldn't tell him to die.
[11:49] Hijikata
    Hey, you understand, right?
[11:51] Hijikata
    Pops, raise the sign
    again. One more time.
[11:56] Hijikata
    You understand, right?
[11:58] Hijikata
    Look carefully. Look carefully
    at the fourth item!
[12:01] Hijikata
    Stare long and hard!
[12:02] Gin
    I got it. I got it. I got it.
[12:03] Gin
    Don't worry. Don't worry.
[12:06] Hijikata
    You understand, right?
[12:08] Hijikata
    Hold on, big guy.
[12:09] Hijikata
    Look carefully at the third item.
[12:10] Kondo
    Hey, pops! I'm back!
[12:15] Man
    Ah, Gori-san. It's been a long time.
[12:18] Man
    What a troublemaker.
[12:19] Man
    You're drunk already, aren't you?
[12:21] Kondo
    Well, it was freezing out there today.
[12:24] Kondo
    So I had a drink over there.
[12:26] Kondo
    But now is when I get serious!
[12:28] Kondo
    Oh, we've got ourselves a bunch
    of complainers here today!
[12:31] Kondo
    This looks fun!
[12:37] Kondo
    Ah?
[12:38] Man
    Eh? What's wrong, Gori-san,
    Mayo Samurai-san?
[12:42] Man
    You look pale.
[12:44] Man
    Come on, what are you doing?
[12:45] Man
    Slide over. Slide over.
[12:47] Man
    Gori-san's got a big body,
    so make plenty of room.
[12:51] Man
    Well, we were just enjoying ourselves.
[12:55] Man
    Listening to the mayo samurai's story.
[12:57] Hijikata
    No, no, pops.
[12:58] Hijikata
    Can't we drop that subject already?
[13:00] Hijikata
    Can't we drop it already?
[13:01] Kondo
    Huh? What? What story?
[13:03] Man
    Fact is, this guy's boss is a gori-
[13:06] Hijikata
    Ah! What?! Is that UFO?!
[13:09] Kondo
    Uh, you realize that UFOs are flying
    around all the time in this world.
[13:12] Man
    And that gorilla's always
    pestering this woman and
[13:15] ---
    he thinks the gorilla should just die-
[13:17] Hijikata
    Look!
[13:18] Hijikata
    That's definitely a UFO!
[13:19] Hijikata
    Hey, let's go check it out!
[13:22] Kondo
    Heh...
[13:24] Kondo
    That kinda sounds rough...
[13:27] Kondo
    Your boss is a gorilla, huh?
[13:29] Kondo
    What a coincidence.
[13:30] Kondo
    I have the same nickname as that person.
[13:32] Man
    Ah, that's right, Gori-san.
[13:36] Man
    Huh?
[13:36] Man
    Gori-san, are you crying?
[13:40] Kondo
    I'm not!
[13:42] Kondo
    Not at all! Just got
    something in my eye!
[13:45] Kondo
    I have allergies!
[13:46] Hijikata
    Uh, can I leave now?
[13:49] Man
    Eh?
[13:50] Hijikata
    I'm feeling sick after
    drinking too much.
[13:53] Man
    Hold on, Mayo Samurai-san.
[13:56] Man
    Listen to what Gori-san has to say.
[13:59] Man
    This gorilla's completely
    different from yours.
[14:02] Kondo
    No, no, no, no, no! It's okay!
[14:04] Kondo
    They don't need to hear my story!
[14:05] Man
    This gorilla's in a relationship
    with a hostess girl right now.
[14:10] Kondo
    Ah, wait!
[14:11] Man
    And this gorilla is always
    watching over her as a bodyguard.
[14:16] Gin
    Wow... That's impressive.
[14:17] Gin
    He's her bodyguard...
[14:19] Gin
    A bodyguard that hides
    under eaves and stuff...
[14:22] Man
    Great man, right?
[14:24] Man
    You won't find anyone else
    like this these days.
[14:26] Gin
    You won't.
[14:27] Gin
    You won't find a bodyguard like that.
[14:29] Gin
    That wouldn't be called a bodyguard.
[14:31] Man
    But even after everything
    Gori-san has done,
[14:35] ---
    this woman hasn't let him do...
[14:37] Kondo
    Ah! Isn't that Kazuo Umezu?!
SIGN    [Note: Kazuo Umezu is considered the 
    godfather of Japanese horror manga.]
[14:40] Man
    He's going as a customer,
    so you'd think she could
[14:43] ---
    show her appreciation by letting him...
[14:45] Kondo
    Look!
[14:46] Kondo
    That has to be Kazuo Umezu!
[14:48] Kondo
    Let's all go and do
    the famous hand sign!
SIGN    [Note: "Guwashi!" is a handsign used in 
    the manga "Makoto-chan" by Kazuo Umezu.]
[14:50] Man
    Don't you find this woman pathetic?
[14:53] Man
    She's a terrible match
    for Gori-san here.
[14:57] Man
    I keep telling him to break up with her,
[15:01] Man
    but he's such a nice guy.
[15:03] Tae
    Good evening.
[15:04] Man
    Ah, welcome, Pony-chan.
SIGN    [Note: Nicknamed that 
    after her ponytail.]
[15:08] Man
    Er? Do you have the night off?
[15:10] Tae
    Yes, I was just stopping by
    on my way back from shopping.
[15:13] Tae
    Um, I made too many omelets,
[15:17] Tae
    so I thought I might offer my
    appreciation for imposing all the time.
[15:19] Man
    Ah, ah...
[15:21] Man
    Thanks as always, Pony-chan...
[15:28] Tae
    Um...
[15:28] Man
    Ah! Have a seat. Have a seat.
[15:31] Man
    Come on, men!
[15:32] Man
    Slide over!
[15:33] Man
    We've finally got a woman here.
[15:38] Man
    Did you hear what we were
    talking about, Pony-chan?
[15:41] Tae
    No, I didn't hear a thing.
[15:42] Man
    Ah, isn't that great, Gori-san?
[15:44] Man
    You didn't lose your chance.
[15:46] Man
    Why not switch over to this lady?
[15:48] Man
    She's a good girl.
[15:52] Man
    Huh?
[15:53] Man
    What's wrong, everyone?
[15:55] Man
    You're all pale as ghosts.
[15:58] Man
    Gori-san...
[15:59] Man
    Huh?
[16:00] Man
    Gori-san's foaming at the mouth.
[16:02] Tae
    My, I wonder what's wrong.
[16:04] Tae
    Are you okay?
[16:05] Man
    Huh? Something's growing
    out of his back?
[16:08] Tae
    Onion? It's a green onion.
[16:10] Man
    Green onion growing from his back...
[16:12] Man
    Or no, more than growing,
    it's burrowing in!
[16:16] Hijikata
    Gori-san!
[16:17] Man
    This is terrible!
[16:19] Tae
    It must be a phantom killer.
[16:20] Tae
    The work of a phantom killer.
[16:22] Tae
    How terrifying...
[16:23] Hijikata
    I've never heard of a killer that
    stabs people with green onions!
[16:26] Gin
    This must be the work of a real monster.
[16:29] Gin
    To harden a sprig of green onion to such
    a degree and stab without being noticed...
[16:33] Gin
    They must be an enhancer
    type of nen power.
SIGN    
[16:36] Man
    I should probably close up soon.
[16:39] Tae
    Don't worry.
[16:41] Tae
    The target's been
    eliminated, so the killer
[16:43] ---
    won't return to the scene of the crime.
[16:45] Tae
    Come, let's drink.
[16:47] Hijikata
    Pops, I'm taking Gori-san
    to the hospital!
[16:49] Hijikata
    I'm off then!
[16:51] Man
    Sorry about this, Mayo Samurai-san.
[16:53] Gin
    Hey! Wait!
[16:55] Gin
    You're going to leave me alone here?!
[16:56] Gin
    Leave me alone in a cage
    with an enraged monster?!
[17:00] Tae
    What are you talking about?
[17:02] Gin
    N-No, I was worried about Gori-san,
[17:05] ---
    so I was thinking about tagging along...
[17:07] Tae
    But they're already gone.
[17:09] Gin
    That was fast!
[17:10] Gin
    All the way over there in no time!
[17:12] Tae
    Just forget about it.
[17:14] Tae
    Why not have a drink with me?
[17:17] Man
    Oh, Pony-chan?
[17:19] Man
    You prefer this guy over Gori-san?
[17:23] Tae
    I'll pour the sake for you.
[17:25] Man
    That's nice. Quite a pretty picture.
[17:27] Man
    You two look great together.
[17:32] Gin
    You think?
[17:33] Tae
    Do you come to this place often?
[17:36] Gin
    No, this is my first time here.
[17:39] Gin
    Uh, does P-Pony-ch...
[17:41] Gin
    Does Pony-sama come
    here to complain often?
[17:45] Man
    It's been this long I'd say.
[17:46] Gin
    Ah, five times.
[17:48] Gin
    That's more than what I was expecting...
[17:50] Man
    She's been coming here for five years.
[17:52] Gin
    Holy cow!
[17:53] Gin
    How much pent-up hate does she have?!
[17:55] Gin
    How much complaining has she done?!
[17:58] Man
    The first time was when she came along
[17:59] ---
    with her late father long ago,
[18:01] ---
    who often came here to complain.
[18:05] Gin
    A bona-fide whinery!
[18:07] Gin
    A whinery specialist!
[18:08] Man
    She's been through a lot, though
    she may not look that way.
[18:11] Man
    She lost her parents when she was young
[18:13] Man
    and she's watched over her little
    brother by herself this whole time.
[18:17] Man
    That little brother is the problem.
[18:20] Man
    Most of her complaining these days
    is about that little brother.
[18:23] Gin
    Ah, he must be an undependable
    little brother.
[18:27] Gin
    I can already picture it.
[18:29] Gin
    Glasses and that whole package.
[18:31] Man
    Oh, the problem isn't with her brother
[18:33] ---
    but with the people around him.
[18:36] Man
    Her brother seems to have
    joined a bad bunch of people.
[18:39] Man
    Pony-chan, what was it about
    that permanently white-haired,
[18:42] ---
    always broke, and irresponsible...
[18:44] Tae
    Smegma Samurai.
[18:46] Man
    Ah, that's it.
[18:47] Man
    Smeggy Sammy.
[18:48] Gin
    Uh, is there really a
    need to abbreviate it?
[18:50] Gin
    Isn't that a little too cruel?
[18:52] Man
    Her brother's gotten
    weird ever since he
[18:56] ---
    started working for Smeggy Sammy.
[18:59] Man
    Tissues all over the place in his room.
[19:03] Man
    Washing his underwear by
    himself in the morning.
[19:06] Man
    He didn't used to be that way.
[19:09] Gin
    That's got nothing to
    do with Smeggy Sammy.
[19:11] Gin
    That's a part of nature.
[19:13] Tae
    Oh? Really?
[19:14] Tae
    What kind of nature would this be?
[19:16] Gin
    Well, I'm sure that Smeggy Sammy
    is working hard in his own way.
[19:20] Gin
    The fact that the brother follows
    him when he has no money
[19:23] Gin
    shows how much he cares
    for the brother...
[19:26] Tae
    What could you possibly
    know about Smeggy Sammy?
[19:28] Gin
    I know more than you do!
[19:30] Gin
    I understand Smeggy Sammy 100%!
[19:33] Man
    Well, she keeps complaining
    about how she can't
[19:36] ---
    do anything about Smeggy Sammy these days.
[19:39] Man
    Well, it might be considered
    plotting instead of complaining.
[19:42] Gin
    What do you mean by plotting?
[19:44] Gin
    That sounds really scary...
[19:46] Man
    Well, he seems to be very skillful,
[19:49] ---
    so she has to create her own opening.
[19:51] Man
    Like letting him drink until
    he's completely smashed.
[19:54] Gin
    Hey!
[19:55] Gin
    What are you two plotting?!
[19:56] Gin
    What are you going to
    do to Smeggy Sammy?!
[19:58] Tae
    Oh, the green onion I bought is gone.
[20:01] Tae
    Excuse me, I need to go buy another one.
[20:04] Gin
    She just went to procure a weapon!
[20:06] Gin
    It was her!
[20:08] Gin
    She's going to leave a green onion
    sticking out of Smeggy Sammy's back!
[20:11] Gin
    O-Old man, I just remembered
    something I have to take care of.
[20:14] Gin
    I'll leave the money here.
[20:15] Man
    Ah, hold on, big guy.
[20:18] ---
    What?
[20:19] Man
    I have something to tell you.
[20:22] Man
    I've been listening to people
    complain for decades.
[20:25] Man
    I've heard thousands, tens
    of thousands of complaints.
[20:30] Man
    Badmouthing people, problems at
    work, stuff that gets you down.
[20:34] Man
    But I was able to bear
    it all for decades.
[20:40] Man
    That's because there's love
    behind every complaint.
[20:43] Man
    Why won't things go my way when
    I'm working so hard at my job?
[20:48] Man
    That's how it was with
    those other guys, right?
[20:50] Man
    Complaints are just an expression of
    love when something doesn't go your way.
[20:56] Man
    Like a form of bragging.
[21:00] Man
    You should understand what
    I'm trying to say, big guy.
[21:03] Man
    No, Smegma Samurai.
[21:06] Man
    Take good care of Pony-chan.
[21:15] Tae
    Oh? He already closed.
[21:18] Gin
    Y-Yeah, something came up.
[21:23] Tae
    I see.
[21:26] Gin
    Wanna get a drink?
[21:28] Tae
    Huh?
[21:29] Gin
    I'm saying that if you still
    wanna drink, I'll tag along.
[21:34] Tae
    Are you sure?
[21:39] Tae
    You may have to listen to
    my complaints until morning.
[21:45] Gin
    That's fine.
[21:54] Gin
    Since I understand the true
    meaning of a complaint.
[22:02] Kondo
    Wait!
[22:03] Kondo
    I won't forgive you for
    holding hands with Pony-chan!
[22:06] Hijikata
    Gori-san! Don't force yourself!
[22:08] Hijikata
    The green onion's still in your back!
[22:17] Gin
    Who was that?
[22:18] ---
    
SIGN    The second movie will be released in 2013!!
    Sorachi Hideaki will be writing a completely new story
[23:51] ---
    The second movie will
    be released in 2013.
SIGN    DEADLINE!!
[23:54] ---
    Hey, gorilla!
[23:55] ---
    Stop celebrating about the
    bananas you got last week!
[23:57] ---
    If you don't get to work,
    the movie's going to have
[23:59] ---
    to have a bunch of cheap
    live action segments too!
[24:01] ---
    They'll have Mogi Kenichiro
    playing Gin-san!
[24:03] ---
    Ew, that stinks!

E256.5 - Gintama Classic - Definitely Do Not Let Your Girlfriend See The Things You Use For Cross-dressing / There's Almost a 100% Chance You’ll Forget Your Umbrella and Hate Yourself For It
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] Sora
    -
SIGN    -
[01:32] SHINPACHI
    We're doing this to earn back payments
    on our rent, Gin-san.
[01:36] GINTOKI
    It's not Gin-san. I'm Pako right now.
[01:38] GINTOKI
    Today, I forget all about the pride of being a man
    and the thing that hangs between my legs.
[01:41] SAIGO
    Hey, you two aren't smiling. Smile!
[01:45] BANEKO
    That's right. Right now you guys are...
[01:47] WAKAME
    ...splendid butterflies
    dancing in the night.
[01:49] AGOMI
    This special dancing team...
[01:51] SAIGO
    You're a member of Kamaxile!
SIGN    [A parody of Exile, a 14-member Japanese pop music band. And "Kama," short for "okama" (drag queen).]
[01:54] DRUNK
    Hey! Dance better!
[01:56] GINTOKI
    You shut up! I'll kill you, Baldy!
[01:58] BANEKO
    Hey, you, he's our customer!
SIGN    ["Definitely Do Not Let Your Girlfriend See The Things You Use For Cross-dressing"]
SIGN    [GIRLY BOY CLUB]
SIGN    [PAYMENT]
[02:08] SIAGO
    Here's the payment for
    both Pako and Pachie.
[02:12] SHINPACHI
    Thank you very much.
[02:14] SAIGO
    You were a mess, but thank you for helping
    us out when we were short on staff.
[02:18] BANEKO
    You can officially join KAMAXILE and
    be a real member if you'd like.
[02:23] GINTOKI
    Shut up. Who would wanna
    join your toad-ugly group?!
[02:27] BANEKO
    Hey, that's so rude of you!
    Who's an ugly toad?
[02:29] BANEKO
    We know we're beautiful, so
    stop being jealous, already!
[02:32] WAKAME
    That's right! He's jealous
    of us! He's envious!
[02:34] GINTOKI
    Hey, you guys, it's too late to think positively
    after you look in the mirror.
[02:38] BANEKO/WAKAME
    What?!
[02:41] AGOMI
    Good work today.
[02:42] SHINPACHI
    Ah, Agomi-san.
[02:44] AGOMI
    It's not Agomi. My name is Azumi.
[02:49] SHINPACHI
    For some reason, she seems depressed.
[02:50] WAKAME
    She's been like that lately.
[02:52] BANEKO
    She's all right at work, but right after
    she finishes, she gets like that.
[02:56] GINTOKI
    Ah, I guess all her energy
    goes right to her chin.
[02:59] WAKAME/BANEKO
    Maybe so.
[03:04] WAKAME
    Get home safe.
[03:06] SHINPACHI
    Have a nice night.
[03:08] GINTOKI
    There's no scarier place than that.
[03:11] KAGURA
    That's true. It's like "Scary
    Face Safari Park."
[03:14] AGOMI
    Hey, wait!
[03:16] SHINPACHI
    Agomi-san.
[03:17] AGOMI
    My name is Azumi.
[03:19] AGOMI
    I have something to ask you, Odd Jobs.
SIGN    [RAMEN DAIGAKUIN]
[03:25] AGOMI
    ...It was two weeks ago...
[03:27] AGOMI
    As usual, I stopped by my favorite
    ramen shop after work.
[03:32] WAITER
    Here's your boiling stone
    bowl ramen special!
[03:36] AGOMI
    Wow! It looks so yummy!
[03:38] AGOMI
    Let's eat!
[03:44] AGOMI
    It's hot!!
[03:46] AGOMI
    Owwww!
[03:54] JUROTA
    Are you...all right?
[03:57] ---
    At that moment, I realized it.
[04:02] AGOMI
    That's right.
[04:04] ---
    It was love at first sight!
[04:10] AGOMI
    Hey! Are you listening to me?!
[04:12] GINTOKI
    I guess I'm lacking sleep.
    I feel dizzy, Shinpachi-kun.
[04:16] SHINPACHI
    Don't worry. I'm really
    dizzy, too, Gin-san.
[04:20] KAGURA
    I feel like I'm pregnant. I feel like
    throwing up so bad, Gin-chan.
[04:24] GINTOKI
    Don't worry. I'm about to
    throw up, too, Kagura.
[04:28] AGOMI
    His name is Jurota.
[04:30] AGOMI
    He's a rookie host at Takamagahara,
    a well-known club in Kabukicho.
[04:35] SHINPACHI
    Takamagahara... That's
    Kyoshiro-san's...
[04:38] AGOMI
    I'm just another hostess...
    And he's a host...
[04:41] AGOMI
    That's right. An innocent young girl
    like me is destined to play around.
[04:47] GINTOKI
    I think I'm suffering from
    auditory hallucinations.
[04:49] GINTOKI
    It sounded like he described himself as
    an innocent young girl, Shinpachi-kun.
[04:52] SHINPACHI
    Don't worry, he really did say
    "innocent girl," Gin-san.
[04:57] GINTOKI
    Are you all right, Kagura?
[04:59] SHINPACHI
    Kagura-chan.
[05:00] AGOMI
    I've never suffered so much over
    a passionate love affair before.
[05:04] AGOMI
    So I need your help!
[05:06] AGOMI
    I'm really suffering. It
    almost makes me want to die.
[05:09] GINTOKI
    All right, here we go!
[05:11] AGOMI
    Hey! Why are you going to kill me?!
[05:14] GINTOKI
    Well, you said you wanted to die, so I
    was going to help you on your journey.
[05:18] GINTOKI
    I was going to be the
    travel agent for hell.
[05:21] AGOMI
    That's not what I meant!
[05:22] ---
    I want you to help lead me to love!
[05:25] ---
    I want you to put me on an
    international flight of love!
[05:28] GINTOKI
    That kind of international
    flight is impossible!
[05:30] ---
    Even if you had a spaceship that
    can travel at warp speed,
SIGN    [Note: Parody of Space  Battleship Yamato.]
[05:32] ---
    an old man's love would
    never reach that host!
[05:35] AGOMI
    Who's the old man in love?!
[05:36] THREE
    It's you!
[05:40] AGOMI
    If I don't do something, I'll go crazy.
[05:43] AGOMI
    I feel like I'm going to turn
    into a love monster!
[05:46] SHINPACHI
    Well, you already are
    a monster, I guess.
[05:50] AGOMI
    If you can't help me out,
    comfort me at least!
[05:53] GINTOKI
    No way! No, no!
[05:54] GINTOKI
    Healing the loneliness of
    an innocent old man
[05:56] GINTOKI
    isn't on the list of the
    Odd Job's job duties!
[05:58] AGOMI
    Then what do you think I should do?!
[06:01] SHINPACHI
    Gin-san...
[06:04] GINTOKI
    I guess we have no choice.
SIGN    [Three days later...]
[06:06] GINTOKI
    We can try asking Kyoshiro.
[06:10] AGOMI
    Welcome to the host
    club, Takamagahara.
[06:15] AGOMI
    That's right. I started working
    as a new host
[06:18] AGOMI
    in a black suit under the
    name Agonosuke.
[06:20] AGOMI
    I locked away my true self deep
    in the bottom of my heart.
[06:23] AGOMI
    Of course, it was a painful choice.
[06:26] AGOMI
    I know... It doesn't mean the distance between
    our hearts is getting any closer.
[06:31] GINTOKI
    Hey, you look like you're down! A-go-mi!
[06:33] AGOMI
    Huh? Is that so?
[06:35] GINTOKI
    You idiot!
[06:39] GINTOKI
    Really... You showed your true colors
    so quickly after I called you by name.
[06:42] KAGURA
    Are you even trying, you bastard?!
[06:45] GINTOKI
    Hey, listen up.
[06:46] GINTOKI
    We're gonna act like angry customers
    and pick a fight with Jurota.
[06:50] GINTOKI
    You protect him from us.
[06:53] GINTOKI
    Then the distance between
    your hearts will shrink.
[06:57] AGOMI
    Pako...
[06:59] AGOMI
    I...If I wasn't falling in love with him,
    I would fall in love with you guys.
[07:03] THREE
    Please don't!
[07:07] JUROTA
    Hello, I'm Jurota, the person you
    requested. It's nice to meet you.
[07:11] GINTOKI
    Wow! You're so cute!
[07:14] SHINPACHI
    So true! I'm going to fall for you!
[07:16] KAGURA
    Hey, give us more services!
[07:19] JUROTA
    Hey, wait...miss!
[07:21] GINTOKI
    We do get more, right?!
[07:23] SHINPACHI (M)
    Agomi-san, now is the time!
[07:24] GINTOKI (M)
    You're using us as steppingstones to build
    up a trusting relationship with him!
[07:29] AGOMI
    That smooth skin... I want to eat it...
[07:34] GINTOKI
    You messed up!
[07:36] SHINPACHI (M)
    We have no choice, Gin-san!
[07:38] ---
    Let's go to plan B!
[07:41] SHINPACHI
    Well now, let's lighten the mood
    a bit. Chug that!
[07:44] JUROTA
    Well, but this is too...
[07:46] KAGURA
    Show us how cool you are!
[07:49] GINTOKI (M)
    That's right. The customer who
    forces a host to drink is...
[07:52] GINTOKI (M)
    ...a real troublemaker!
[07:53] ---
    Agomi, this is your chance!!
[07:57] AGOMI
    Excuse me, Jurota-san...
[07:59] AGOMI
    ...let me have that drink.
[08:03] JUROTA
    Agonosuke-san...
[08:06] AGOMI (M)
    Here we go...Azumi...
[08:13] AGOMI (M)
    I can do this!
[08:15] AGOMI (M)
    Men have courage!
[08:16] AGOMI (M)
    Women are lovable! But cross-dressers
    are the most passionate!
[08:27] JUROTA
    Agonosuke-san!
[08:29] JUROTA
    A-Are you all right?!
[08:32] JUROTA
    I'm so relieved...
[08:34] ---
    You saved me, Agonosuke-san.
[08:42] HOST
    Thanks for coming.
[08:44] SHINPACHI
    Well, all kinds of things were happening,
    but it was good for Agomi-san.
[08:47] GINTOKI
    Sort of.
[08:49] SAIGO
    Wait.
[08:52] SHINPACHI
    Saigo-san.
[08:56] HOST
    Hey, Agonosuke, when you're free,
[08:58] HOST
    can you clean up the locker
    room for your fellow hosts?
[09:00] AGOMI
    Certainly.
SIGN    [HOST LOCKER ROOM]
[09:05] SAIGO
    What are you guys doing with him?
[09:08] GINTOKI
    Nothing really.
[09:12] GINTOKI
    It's what Agomi wanted. So we're
    just giving him a supportive push.
[09:16] SAIGO
    But you do know, right?
[09:19] SAIGO
    In the end, Agomi's love won't
    ever be reciprocated.
[09:22] SAIGO
    Besides, he's an ordinary host,
    especially around them.
[09:24] SAIGO
    If you do something unnecessary, and
    it hurts him, what are you going to do?
[09:29] SAIGO
    Don't tell me you think things
    will work out between them.
[09:35] GINTOKI
    No need to worry.
[09:37] GINTOKI
    It's like Agomi is more a young girl
    in love than a real girl right now.
[09:41] GINTOKI
    Just looking at a man from a
    distance gives him a fantasy.
[09:45] GINTOKI
    But men in the real world
    are always nasty.
[09:48] GINTOKI
    And not only in the way
    they treat woman...
[09:50] GINTOKI
    ...but also in their lifestyle, the
    way they smell, everything.
[09:53] GINTOKI
    If Agomi finds out about their real lives,
    his fantasies will be crushed.
[09:59] GINTOKI
    Then she'll...
[10:01] GINTOKI
    ...realize that she has to move
    on for the sake of tomorrow.
[10:04] SHINPACHI
    Gin-san...
[10:08] AGOMI
    No!
[10:10] AGOMI
    This is...
[10:11] AGOMI
    This is...
[10:12] AGOMI
    ...Jurota-kun's...
[10:14] ---
    ...smell!
[10:17] AGOMI
    Is this Jurota-kun's locker?
[10:18] ---
    Oh, yes! Oh, sweet!
[10:21] ---
    What's this? Nice smell! Oh, no! I'm
    going up! I'm rising to heaven!
[10:32] JUROTA
    It's not like that!
[10:33] JUROTA
    Well, see you later!
[10:36] JUROTA
    Wow! Great!
[10:39] JUROTA
    Agonosuke-san must be working
    really hard to clean up!
[10:50] JUROTA
    A-Agonosuke-san...
[10:52] AGOMI
    That's right... You found out...
[10:55] AGOMI
    And so I might as well...
[11:05] SHINPACHI
    It looks like Agomi-san quit the
    club after disgracing himself.
[11:09] KAGURA
    It ended up being his hopeless love.
[11:12] GINTOKI
    Serious feelings sometimes have
    a cruel ending, you know.
[11:17] ---
    But Agomi will move on for the
    sake of a new tomorrow.
[11:20] JUROTA
    Thanks for waiting!
[11:22] AGOMI
    Oh, no! I didn't wait at all.
[11:26] AGOMI
    Well, let's go!
[11:27] JUROTA
    Yeah, Azumi-san.
[11:29] SHINPACHI
    Gin-san...What's...that?
[11:32] GINTOKI
    Well, you know... He moved on for
    the sake of a new tomorrow...
[11:36] GINTOKI
    ...with Jurota-kun.
[11:37] KAGURA/SHINPACHI
    What the...?!
[11:46] GINTOKI
    It's raining today, too...
[11:49] GINTOKI
    When rainy days come so often,
    it makes my heart gloomy as well.
[11:54] KAGURA
    Rainy day, rainy day, more rainy days...
    It makes my brain moldy, too.
[12:00] GINTOKI
    It was already like that.
[12:02] GINTOKI
    How many days have
    we not seen the sun?
[12:05] ---
    It looks like mushrooms are
    growing on my crotch.
[12:07] KAGURA
    It was already like that.
[12:10] GINTOKI
    There are no clients. I don't feel
    like going out in the rain.
[12:14] GINTOKI
    There's no money.
[12:15] GINTOKI
    Sadaharu stinks and my feet stink,
    too, and so does Shinpachi.
[12:19] SHINPACHI
    What do you mean, "so does Shinpachi"?
    Don't compare me to your feet.
[12:23] SHINPACHI
    Why are you two being
    so negative? Cheer up!
[12:27] SHINPACHI
    The rainy season will be over soon.
[12:29] SHINPACHI
    Then you can get as much
    sunlight as you want.
[12:33] GINTOKI
    ...That's why I hate the rainy season.
[12:36] GINTOKI
    I'm kind of dubious about the
    name "Tsuyu," anyway.
SIGN    [Note: Tsuyu means rainy season.]
[12:39] GINTOKI
    Just hearing to it makes me feel down.
[12:41] GINTOKI
    Just listening to it makes me feel down.
[12:44] SHINPACHI
    It can't be helped because
    it's the rainy season.
[12:47] GINTOKI
    Why don't we call it
    by a different name?
[12:49] GINTOKI
    Something with a more exhilarating tone.
[12:51] GINTOKI
    How about "Happy Birthday To You?"
SIGN    [Note: Japanese pronounce "to you" like tsu-yu. Tsuyu = rainy season.]
[12:55] SHINPACHI
    ...Isn't that a little long?
[12:56] KAGURA
    It's too difficult to say.
    I prefer "Girl's Day."
SIGN    [Note: Kagura refers to the day of a girl's menstrual period.]
[12:59] SHINPACHI
    No, that sounds like a different day.
[13:01] SHINPACHI
    That's even more difficult to say.
[13:02] SHINPACHI
    And it's not even an appropriate word
    for a show in this timeslot.
[13:04] GINTOKI
    Then let's adopt the middle viewpoint
    and call it "Independence Day."
[13:08] SHINPACHI
    Why is that the middle?
[13:11] GINTOKI
    From now on, call "Tsuyu"
    "Independence Day."
[13:16] SHINPACHI
    Anyway...well... "Independence Day"
    will be over soon, so let's cheer up!
[13:24] GINTOKI
    Man, I really hate "Tsuyu"!
[13:26] KAGURA
    I don't feel like doing anything.
[13:28] SHINPACHI
    ...Huh? Aren't you going to
    use "Independence Day"?
[13:31] SHINPACHI
    I felt a bit embarrassed saying that.
[13:33] GINTOKI
    Huh? Shinpachi-kun, did you just say
    "Indepen...something"? What's that?
[13:38] SHINPACHI
    No-No, I didn't... I didn't
    say that! What's that?!
[13:41] GINTOKI
    Yeah, you just said it.
    "Indepen...something."
[13:44] GINTOKI
    Isn't it popular right now?
    Is it something cool?
[13:46] SHINPACHI
    I didn't say that! I don't
    even know what it is!
[13:48] KAGURA
    You guys are too noisy!
[13:51] KAGURA
    Stop annoying me and just shut up!
[13:52] SHINPACHI
    Who do think is the most
    annoying person?
[13:55] SHINPACHI
    You guys are just taking
    your stress out on me!
[13:57] GINTOKI
    Not really. I don't take
    my stress out on you.
[13:59] GINTOKI
    I'm not annoying at all, either.
[14:01] KAGURA
    Don't talk! I'm so annoyed
    listening to you guys talk!
[14:04] GINTOKI
    You're the one who shouldn't
    be talking! What's that?
[14:06] GINTOKI
    Those mini gongs on your head! There's
    something ugly on your head!
[14:08] KAGURA
    Oh? Why do you wear only
    one sleeve of that robe?!
[14:10] KAGURA
    Why don't you wear it properly?!
[14:12] SHINPACHI
    Good grief! I give up! I don't care
    about you guys anymore!
[14:15] GINTOKI
    Shut up!
[14:15] KAGURA
    Shut up, Four-eyes!
[14:16] ---
    Who you calling Four-eyes?!
SIGN    ["There's Almost a 100% Chance You'll Forget Your Umbrella and Hate Yourself For It"]
[14:28] GINTOKI
    Why do I have to go out with you
    guys on such a rainy day?
[14:32] SHINPACHI
    When we stay in the house and
    brood, we get depressed.
[14:37] SHINPACHI
    We should go out at such times.
[14:39] ---
    And this isn't so bad, you know.
[14:42] SHINPACHI
    An Edokko should enjoy each
    season's highlights.
SIGN    [Note: Edokko is a Japanese term referring to a person born and raised in Edo/Tokyo.]
[14:46] SHINPACHI
    For example, look! Here come some
    girls walking with umbrellas.
[14:49] SHINPACHI
    Aren't they pure and beautiful?
[15:15] GINTOKI
    We see girls with umbrellas
    all throughout the year.
[15:19] GINTOKI
    And girls with wet see-through
    T-shirts are more...
[15:24] GINTOKI
    Hey, what are you doing?
[15:26] SHINPACHI
    Kagura-chan, you'll catch a cold.
[15:30] KAGURA
    ...It's broken.
[15:32] GINTOKI
    Huh?
[15:33] KAGURA
    My umbrella is broken.
[15:37] ---
    Just leave me alone.
[15:38] KAGURA
    Women sometimes want
    to walk in the rain.
[15:42] GINTOKI
    Hey. Your head is what's broken!
[15:44] SHINPACHI
    What's with her?
[15:46] GINTOKI
    Just leave her alone.
[15:47] GINTOKI
    Brats like rain, storms, typhoons
    and all that kind of stuff.
[15:57] SHINPACHI
    By the way, we ran out
    of laundry detergent.
SIGN    [OEDO STORE]
[16:15] KAGURA
    Gin-chan, did you buy
    my pickled seaweed?
[16:18] GINTOKI
    Buy it yourself, brat.
[16:21] GINTOKI
    Here.
[16:25] KAGURA
    I-I don't want it.
    That umbrella is too flashy.
[16:29] GINTOKI
    Who said it was for you?
[16:32] GINTOKI
    This is for me. Just use that dirty one.
[16:36] SHINPACHI
    Wow, nice umbrella, Gin-san.
    It looks cool and chic.
[16:41] GINTOKI
    This is nice, isn't it?
    Even though it only costs 100 yen.
[16:45] KAGURA
    Hey, wait! That's weird. It's weird if a
    man uses it! I can take it if you like.
[16:52] GINTOKI
    That's all right. It's all right
    if women walk in the rain.
[18:24] GINTOKI
    It's raining again today...
[18:26] SHINPACHI
    Whenever it rains,
    Kagura-chan goes out.
[18:30] SHINPACHI
    She really is a girl at heart.
[18:32] GINTOKI
    Humph. Brats like rain, storms, typhoons,
    and all that kind of stuff.
[18:36] SHINPACHI
    That reminds me, the rain is supposed
    to get worse today.
[18:40] SHINPACHI
    I wonder if she'll be all right.
[19:05] GINTOKI
    It's raining again today...
[19:07] SHINPACHI
    Kagura-chan is out today again?
    After all, she's a girl.
[19:12] GINTOKI
    Brats like rain, storms, typhoons
    and all that kind of stuff.
[19:16] SHINPACHI
    By the way, the 7th typhoon is going to
    hit Edo. I wonder if she'll be all right.
[19:47] SHINPACHI
    Kagura-chan.
[19:49] KAGURA
    ...What?
[19:51] SHINPACHI
    The weather was really rough,
    so we were worried about you.
[19:54] SHINPACHI
    You're all drenched. Are you all right?
[20:00] SHINPACHI
    Kagura-chan, make sure you completely
    dry off with a towel, okay?
[20:04] KAGURA
    All right.
[21:46] GINTOKI
    Hey, young lady. Young lady!
[21:49] GINTOKI
    You have such a cool umbrella.
[21:52] GINTOKI
    Would you mind letting us under it?
    Because ours broke.
[22:00] GINTOKI
    Boy, "Independence Day" makes me feel
    really gloomy. That's why I hate it.
[22:07] KAGURA
    No, I think "Independence
    Day" isn't all that bad.
[22:11] ---
    
[23:52] Sora
    It takes too much effort
    to use a dip pen.
[23:55] Sora
    Takes too much effort
    to draw backgrounds.
SIGN    Voice / Sorachi Hideki
[23:57] Sora
    Takes too much effort to
    draw manga in general.
[23:59] Sora
    Hell, it takes too much effort to live.
[24:03] Sora
    I want to be a cheese steamed bun!

E256.C - Gintama Classic - Whenever I Hear Leviathan, I Think of Sazae-san. Stupid Me!!
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:04] Abuto
    This school was in the same
    district as Gintama High,
[00:08] Abuto
    but it tended to attract students with notorious
    reputations during middle school,
[00:12] Abuto
    and the rundown building was dubbed
    a concentration camp by some.
[00:19] Abuto
    The Metropolitan Yato
    Industrial High School.
[00:22] Abuto
    This is the story of one man who arrived
    in this school full of savages...
[00:35] Kamui
    I'll kill ya.
[00:36] Abuto
    Bebop.
[00:38] Men
    Kamui-kun!
SIGN    [Kamui - Episode 1]
[00:45] Umi
    Starting today we have a new student,
    Kamui, joining our class.
[00:49] Umi
    Be nice, everyone.
[00:51] Kamui
    I'm Kamui, from Harusame High.
[00:53] Kamui
    I only have interest in
    those who are strong.
[00:56] Kamui
    I'll take over this class before
    the day's over, so cheers.
[00:59] A
    What's that?!
[00:59] B
    You dissin' us?!
[01:01] C
    I'll show you how fearsome
    Yato High can be!
[01:05] Kamui
    If you get in my way
    again, I'll kill ya.
[01:09] Umi
    Hey! What do you think you're
    doing on your first day here?!
[01:11] D
    You bastard! You don't get
    to push my buddy around!
[01:16] Umi
    Be nice, or I'll kill ya.
[01:19] E
    Bastard's got cheek.
[01:20] E
    Abuto, do something!
[01:25] Abuto
    You read that as "Kamui"?
SIGN    [After School]
[01:30] Abuto
    Hey.
[01:32] Abuto
    I said hey.
[01:33] Abuto
    Can't you hear me?
[01:35] Abuto
    Are the things protruding from your
    head supposed to be doorknobs?
[01:38] Abuto
    Eh?
[01:39] Kamui
    How about a contest?
[01:41] Abuto
    Huh?
[01:41] Kamui
    7x1=7, 7x2=14, 7x3=21.
[01:44] Abuto
    Wait, that's...
[01:46] Kamui
    7x4=28, 7x5=35, now 7x6 equals?
[01:49] Abuto
    The sevens, the hardest
    part of the times table...
[01:53] Abuto
    Uh, six sevens would be 45...
[01:54] Abuto
    No, that's not it...
[01:56] Abuto
    In this case, it'd either be 38 or 48...
[01:59] Abuto
    Ungyo!
[01:59] Abuto
    Lend me your fingers!
[02:01] Ungyo
    I think I'll transfer...
SIGN    [The End]
[02:05] Abuto
    Teach, I don't get why we have to study.
[02:08] Abuto
    Is this going to help us
    out in the real world?
[02:11] Abuto
    I was spewing a typical
    adolescent question after
[02:15] ---
    failing this important
    juncture in life eight times.
[02:17] Abuto
    Yes, I was the only
    one held back at the
[02:20] ---
    metropolitan Yato Industrial
    High School eight times.
[02:23] Abuto
    I no longer show up for
    New Year's gatherings
[02:25] ---
    'cause I can't stand all the
    stares from the relatives.
[02:26] Abuto
    Never show up!
[02:28] Abuto
    That was when one particular
    man arrived before me.
[02:33] Kamui
    I'll kill ya.
[02:34] Abuto
    Bebop.
[02:35] Men
    Kamui-kun!
SIGN    [Episode 2]
[02:41] A
    Hey, look at that.
[02:43] A
    It's the three stupid crows from Yato
    High that've been getting cocky.
[02:47] A
    The new kid who took control of the
    third-years on his first day, Kamui.
[02:50] A
    The member of the old guard who's
    flunked eight times, Abuto.
[02:55] A
    The fatty who's seventeen,
    believe it or not...
[02:59] A
    What's his name again?
[03:00] B
    Beats me...
[03:01] Ungyo
    I think I'll transfer...
SIGN    [The End]
[03:05] Abuto
    Say, did you know?
[03:07] Abuto
    That scene from the current
    ending sequence.
[03:09] Abuto
    It has me set up as the only one
    who flunks and doesn't graduate.
[03:12] Abuto
    How mean is that?
[03:14] Abuto
    That was when one particular
    man arrived before me.
[03:18] Kamui
    I'll kill ya.
[03:19] Abuto
    Bebop.
[03:20] Men
    Kamui-kun!
SIGN    [Episode 3]
[03:26] Abuto
    Bah, those bastards from
    Yoshiwara Trade School...
[03:29] Kamui
    Well, just sit back
    and let your leg heal.
[03:31] Kamui
    Don't worry about anything else.
[03:33] Abuto
    Hey! Nincompoop!
[03:35] Abuto
    Don't tell me you're going to go
    off to get payback by yourself...
[03:38] Abuto
    I won't allow you to do that.
[03:40] Abuto
    This is my problem.
[03:41] Abuto
    Got nothing to do with you!
[03:43] Kamui
    I'll be back.
[03:44] Abuto
    Hey, wait!
[03:45] Abuto
    Don't give me that shit!
[03:46] Abuto
    Hold up!
[03:47] Abuto
    Bah, damn idiot.
[03:52] Abuto
    Mommy, peel a pear for me.
[03:57] Ungyo
    I think I'll make him transfer...
SIGN    [The End]
SIGN    [The showdown at Hotel Ikezuya: The Kagekiha Anti-Foreigner Ronin Faction versus the Shinsengumi.]
SIGN    [The fate of Edo rests on what Hijikata saw happen to Kondo...]
[05:47] Yamazaki
    The enemy is hiding in Hotel Ikezuya.
[05:50] Yamazaki
    They plan on executing an armed
    takeover of the terminal tomorrow.
[05:55] Yamazaki
    They're meeting up at Ikezuya
    to discuss their plans.
[06:02] Yamazaki
    I would assume that they're
    building morale for the
[06:04] ---
    upcoming battle with
    a feast of some sort.
[06:07] Yamazaki
    This is our only chance to stop their
    plan and to bring them all in.
[06:15] Kondo
    It's a showdown...
[06:57] Kondo
    Squad 1 will join me in attacking
    from the front.
[07:00] Kondo
    Squads 2 and 3 will follow their captains
    and attack from the back.
[07:04] Kondo
    Don't let a single rat escape.
[07:06] Kondo
    Got it?
[07:07] Kondo
    The fate of Edo rests on our blades.
[07:10] Kondo
    Every battle we fight may be our last.
[07:13] Kondo
    Our backs are against the wall.
[07:15] Kondo
    Never look back.
[07:16] Kondo
    Focus only on the enemy.
[07:18] Kondo
    Open a path to the future
    with your swords.
[07:23] Kondo
    Let's go!
[07:43] Master
    Excuse me...we're booked for the day...
[07:45] Kondo
    We're here on official business.
[07:47] Kondo
    We'll need to have a look inside.
[07:50] Master
    Huh? Uh...
[08:02] Kondo
    Toshi, I'm trusting
    you to watch my back.
[08:06] Toshi
    Yeah, I got you.
SIGN    ["Whenever I Hear Leviathan,
    I Think of Sazae-san. Stupid Me!!"]
[08:17] Hijikata
    Oh...
[08:21] Hijikata
    He's got snot coming out...
[08:25] Hijikata
    Nah, it can't be.
[08:27] Hijikata
    He wouldn't have snot coming out now...
[08:31] Hijikata
    Nope, that's definitely snot.
[08:33] Hijikata
    It's clearly snot.
[08:35] Hijikata
    Should I tell him?
[08:37] Hijikata
    But...
[08:39] Hijikata
    I don't want to do anything that
[08:41] ---
    would affect our morale right now...
[08:44] Hijikata
    But still...
[08:46] Hijikata
    If I leave it alone and the men notice,
[08:48] ---
    
    that'll also affect the squad's morale...
[08:52] Kondo
    Let's go!
[08:53] All
    Yeah!
[08:56] A
    Huh? Snot?
[08:57] B
    No way! Seriously?!
[09:00] Hijikata
    Crap... I had better tell him...
[09:03] Kondo
    What's wrong, Toshi?
[09:05] Kondo
    Why the funny face?
[09:07] Hijikata
    Kondo-san... Well...
[09:10] Kondo
    Even you feel nervous
    before battles, eh?
[09:14] Kondo
    But there's no need to be ashamed.
[09:16] Kondo
    It's far more shameful to grow
    accustomed to killing.
[09:21] Kondo
    We have no choice but to
    swing our swords in agony,
[09:23] Kondo
    hoping that we will be able
    to bring peace one day.
[09:25] Kondo
    Humans are the only ones who
    can set other humans straight.
[09:28] Kondo
    Don't let yourself become a monster,
[09:32] ---
    
    no matter how much blood you shed.
[09:34] Hijikata
    Th-Thanks...
[09:37] Hijikata
    That helped me snap out of it.
[09:40] Hijikata
    Kondo-san...
[09:41] Hijikata
    That was a nice speech, but your
    snot is going Tarzan on you.
[09:46] C
    Report!
[09:47] C
    Squad 2 has reached the 12th floor!
[09:49] C
    Squad 3 is on the move!
[09:52] Kondo
    Very well. Squad 1 will head out
    once squad 3 is in position.
[09:56] C
    Yes, sir!
[09:57] Hijikata
    No...I can't tell him...
[10:00] Hijikata
    I'd rather die than tell someone who's being
    serious that he's got snot going Tarzan.
[10:08] Hijikata
    Tarzan would fall into the ravine...
[10:12] Hijikata
    Can't do it...
[10:13] Hijikata
    I have to prevent that from happening...
[10:15] Hijikata
    I'll have to make him
    aware of the snot in
[10:19] ---
    passing instead of pointing
    it out directly...
[10:22] Hijikata
    What options do I have...?
[10:25] Hijikata
    Hey! You lot!
[10:27] Men
    Yes, sir!
[10:28] Hijikata
    We'll have a piss break
    before we charge in.
[10:33] Hijikata
    Listen up.
[10:34] Hijikata
    You won't have time once
    the battle starts.
[10:36] Hijikata
    Take care of your business now.
[10:38] Hijikata
    If you don't piss now, you'll have
    to hold it in for at least an hour.
[10:40] Okita
    Hijikata-san, we didn't come
    here on a picnic.
[10:44] Hijikata
    Shut up!
[10:45] Hijikata
    You're the type of kid who
    make them stop the bus to
[10:49] ---
    piss in the bush, crying,
    while all the traffic goes by!
[10:53] Okita
    Hijikata-san, we're not on a bus.
[10:56] Hijikata
    Shut up!
[10:57] Hijikata
    I told you to piss, so piss, damn it!
[11:01] A
    Man, this is such a pain.
[11:03] B
    There goes all the tension.
[11:05] C
    I already squeezed out every
    last drop before coming here.
[11:08] Hijikata
    Kondo-san, why don't you join them?
[11:11] Kondo
    Nah, I already took a piss.
[11:16] Hijikata
    You should go wash your face.
[11:18] Hijikata
    It'll help you focus.
[11:20] Kondo
    Really?
[11:21] Kondo
    I'll be gone for a bit then.
[11:23] Kondo
    Stay on your guard.
[11:24] Hijikata
    Yeah, don't worry.
[11:26] Hijikata
    Okay, it's all good now.
[11:29] Hijikata
    Once he looks in the mirror,
    he'll notice Tarzan yelling.
[11:33] Hijikata
    I can only pray that Tarzan will return
[11:35] ---
    
    to the forest before anyone notices.
[11:39] Kondo
    Okay, I'm focused now.
[11:41] Kondo
    Let's get going!
[11:42] Men
    Yeah!
[11:44] Hijikata
    T-Tarzan's come out to New York!
[11:47] Hijikata
    Why?!
[11:49] Hijikata
    What's going on?!
[11:50] Hijikata
    He washed his face, yet his snot's
    gone from Tarzan to Leviathan?!
SIGN    [Note: Referring to the Leviathan from the "Final Fantasy" video game series.]
[11:55] D
    Hey, check out the commander...
[11:57] E
    Isn't there something on
    his nose? What is that?
[12:00] D
    Isn't it Leviathan?
[12:00] Hijikata
    This is bad... They're starting
    to notice Leviathan...
[12:03] Hijikata
    Fall off!
[12:04] Hijikata
    Leviathan, that isn't where you belong!
[12:07] Hijikata
    Back you go to the Feymarch!
SIGN    [Note: From Final Fantasy  IV for the Nintendo DS.]
[12:13] Hijikata
    There it goes!
[12:14] Hijikata
    It's definitely gone now!
[12:17] Kondo
    What? Did I catch a cold?
[12:20] Hijikata
    N-Now Bahamut's been summoned!
[12:23] Hijikata
    Crap!
[12:24] Hijikata
    I didn't expect Bahamut to be
    renting the room next door!
[12:27] C
    Squad 1 has reached their floor!
[12:29] Kondo
    Very well. Squad 1 will also move out.
[12:32] Men
    Yeah!
[12:33] Hijikata
    I-It's impossible to hide now...
[12:35] Hijikata
    Bahamut and Leviathan...
[12:37] Hijikata
    They won't stop until
    everything's destroyed...
[12:40] Hijikata
    What do I do?
[12:43] Hijikata
    So-Sogo!
[12:45] Sogo
    What is it?
[12:46] Hijikata
    Take squad 1 and use the
    emergency stairwell.
[12:50] Hijikata
    I'll join the double dragons, I mean...
[12:53] Hijikata
    Kondo-san in attacking from the front.
[12:55] Sogo
    Will the two of you be
    okay by yourselves?
[12:57] Hijikata
    The goal is to confuse the enemy.
[12:59] Hijikata
    You don't need to worry.
[13:00] Hijikata
    I'm willing to die to protect Kondo-san.
[13:02] Kondo
    Toshi?
[13:03] Hijikata
    Let me handle this.
[13:06] Hijikata
    I managed to get rid of the men,
[13:09] Hijikata
    but the problem now is how to proceed.
[13:11] Hijikata
    If we charge in, the enemy will
    see these double dragons.
[13:17] A
    Huh?
[13:18] A
    Hey, this guy's dripping snot!
[13:21] B
    You should take care of your nose
    before taking care of patriots!
[13:25] Kondo
    Stop!
[13:26] Kondo
    Don't look!
[13:32] Hijikata
    I have to do something before
    the situation gets ugly...
[13:36] Hijikata
    Eliminate the double
    dragons without messing
[13:39] ---
    
    with Kondo-san's serious manner.
[13:42] Kondo
    Toshi, check that out.
[13:44] Kondo
    The enemy has people on patrol.
[13:47] Kondo
    If we're spotted, the enemy will
    be alerted to our presence,
[13:49] Kondo
    and our ambush will fail.
[13:51] Hijikata
    Yeah, you're right...
[13:53] Hijikata
    There's no time to get hung
    up about cleanliness.
[13:56] Hijikata
    I'll just use my hand.
[13:58] Hijikata
    There's no other way to bring
    down those giants.
[14:02] Hijikata
    Bahamut and Leviathan...
[14:04] Hijikata
    Which to go for first...
[14:06] Hijikata
    Given the way he's turned,
    Leviathan will be difficult...
[14:09] Hijikata
    Guess I'll start with Bahamut.
[14:10] Hijikata
    Okay!
[14:14] Hijikata
    Bahamut just?!
[14:15] Hijikata
    What?!
[14:16] Hijikata
    Did it sense the impeding danger?!
[14:18] Hijikata
    Leviathan's doubled in size instead!
[14:20] Hijikata
    What's going on?!
[14:22] Hijikata
    Come on! Don't tell me Bahamut and
[14:23] ---
    
    Leviathan are connected in the back?
[14:26] Hijikata
    They're a couple?
[14:29] Hijikata
    That makes this easy then.
[14:32] Hijikata
    Grab one and they're both goners!
[14:42] Hijikata
    That's it!
[14:43] Hijikata
    I'll go for Zantetsuken!
SIGN    [Note: Odin's trademark  attack from FF series.]
[14:48] Hijikata
    My eyes! My eyes!
[14:48] Kondo
    Hey, Toshi!
[14:49] Kondo
    You okay?!
[14:51] Hijikata
    Sn-Snot came flying out!
[14:53] Hijikata
    Snot came flying at
    me like a Flare spell!
[14:55] Hijikata
    What's going on?!
[14:57] C
    Hey! What're you doing?!
[15:00] C
    Whoa! What's with that sno...
[15:05] Kondo
    Whoa!
[15:05] Kondo
    Nice one, Toshi!
[15:07] Kondo
    That was instant!
[15:10] Hijikata
    Th-That was close...
[15:12] Hijikata
    He was about to find out.
[15:14] Kondo
    Hey, wasn't that guy saying
    something about sno...
[15:17] Hijikata
    He wasn't!
[15:19] Kondo
    No, pretty sure I heard sno...
[15:20] Hijikata
    He must have been talking
    about snowbells, yeah.
[15:23] Hijikata
    He realized he was about
    to die, so he wanted
[15:26] ---
    
    to request snowbells at his grave.
[15:28] Kondo
    Snowbells...
[15:29] D
    Damn, that's loud!
[15:31] D
    What's all the noise about...
[15:35] D
    What the hell is that s-...
[15:37] Hijikata
    Socrates!
[15:40] B
    I-It's the Shinsengumi!
[15:42] Kondo
    Onward!
[15:43] B
    Wh-What's with this guy?!
[15:45] B
    He's got all that sn-...
[15:46] Kondo
    Soul Society!
[15:48] F
    Hey! That's s-...
[15:50] Hijikata
    Son Goku!
[15:52] G
    Whoa! S-...
[15:53] Hijikata
    'Nothing to worry about!
[16:00] H
    The hell's up with this guy?!
[16:02] H
    He's a monster!
[16:03] H
    Run!
[16:04] Okita
    You won't get away!
[16:06] Okita
    Zaki!
[16:09] Hijikata
    Crap!
[16:10] Yamazaki
    Huh?
[16:11] Yamazaki
    Commander, what's with that s-...
[16:18] Hijikata
    Yamazaki!
[16:20] Hijikata
    You okay?!
[16:21] Hijikata
    Who did this to you?!
[16:23] Yamazaki
    A vase suddenly...
[16:25] Kondo
    Zaki...
[16:26] Kondo
    Damn them!
[16:27] Kondo
    They won't get away with this!
[16:29] Hijikata
    Wait!
[16:30] Hijikata
    Hold on!
[16:31] Hijikata
    Here.
[16:32] Hijikata
    Your face is covered with the blood
    that's been splashing around.
[16:35] Hijikata
    Use this to wipe it off.
[16:36] Kondo
    Your face is the one that's
    covered with blood.
[16:38] Hijikata
    I said to wipe it off, damn it!
[16:41] Hijikata
    You won't be able to fight
    if it gets into your eye!
[16:43] Kondo
    Yeah, sorry...
[16:45] Kondo
    It's true that you're as good
    as dead if you lose your
[16:48] ---
    eyes on the battlefield.
[16:50] Hijikata
    Right, you're done now.
[16:53] Hijikata
    It's over for you this time, damn snot.
[16:57] Hijikata
    H-Hey!
[17:00] Hijikata
    What is that?!
[17:01] Hijikata
    Why is his snot wiping his face?!
[17:03] Hijikata
    Why is the dirtiest part of his face
    trying to wipe his face clean?!
[17:07] Kondo
    Okay, I'm ready to go.
[17:09] Kondo
    Let's do this, Toshi!
[17:11] Hijikata
    You aren't ready!
[17:13] Hijikata
    You're a complete mess!
[17:19] Kondo
    Damn villains, it's on!
[17:26] Hijikata
    He has total control of his snot...
[17:30] Hijikata
    No, I would say that the
    snot is controlling him...
[17:35] Hijikata
    What the hell?
[17:37] Hijikata
    What is that thing?
[17:39] Hijikata
    Stop it.
[17:40] Hijikata
    Stop abusing Kondo-san...
[17:43] Hijikata
    Get the hell out!
[17:46] Kondo
    Look out!
[17:47] Kondo
    Toshi!
[17:55] Hijikata
    Kondo-san!
[17:59] Hijikata
    Kondo-san!
[18:02] Hijikata
    The snot is gone...?
[18:05] Snot
    I'm sorry.
[18:09] Snot
    For deceiving you this whole time...
[18:25] Snot
    Toshi...
[18:26] Hijikata
    N-No way...
[18:29] Hijikata
    You're kidding me, the snot... You...
[18:36] Snot
    I am the true identity of Isao Kondo.
[18:44] Snot
    Snot Nebula 28...
SIGN    [Note: Spoof of the Japanese hero Ultraman and his home Nebula M78.]
[18:49] Snot
    That is my home galaxy.
[18:53] Snot
    I came to investigate Earth,
[18:55] Snot
    so I commandeered the body of a gorilla,
[18:58] Snot
    and altered my appearance to allow
    me to live amongst humans.
[19:05] Snot
    That would be me, Isao Kondo.
[19:11] Snot
    Once my investigation was done, I was supposed
     to be blown into a tissue and thrown away.
[19:17] Snot
    But before I knew it, five years,
    ten years had passed...
[19:23] Snot
    The next thing I knew, I was
    a middle-aged man.
[19:27] Snot
    I had so much fun with you guys...
[19:35] Hijikata
    Sno...
[19:37] Hijikata
    Kondo-san...
[19:39] Hijikata
    So everything I was trying to do to help
    you would have destroyed you?
[19:47] Snot
    That's how it should be.
[19:48] Snot
    It's the fate of snot to be blown
    into a tissue and thrown away.
[19:52] Hijikata
    But...
[19:53] Snot
    I've lived too long...
[19:55] Snot
    I've grown too ugly and fat
    to be kept inside a nose...
[20:01] Snot
    I wanted you to send me off...
[20:06] Snot
    Toshi, I wanted to be blown
    into a tissue held by you...
[20:11] Snot
    Can you do me this favor...friend?
[20:16] Hijikata
    I'll come after you...
[20:24] Hijikata
    Next time, I'll also become snot...
[20:28] Snot
    I'll be waiting...
[20:31] Snot
    I'll be waiting in
    Otae-san's nostrils...
[20:36] Hijikata
    Like hell I'd follow you there!!
[20:39] Hijikata
    Talking snot is damn disgusting!
[20:50] Snot
    Toshi...
[20:52] Snot
    Your fly was open...
[21:11] Kondo
    We're here, Toshi.
[21:13] Kondo
    This is Ikezuya.
[21:14] Kondo
    This will be an intense fight.
[21:16] Kondo
    Stay focused.
[21:19] Hijikata
    Kondo-san...
[21:20] Kondo
    Hmm? What is it?
[21:23] Hijikata
    Your snot's going Tarzan on you.
[21:26] Kondo
    Oh, you're right.
[23:01] Shin
    The second movie will be released next year.
[23:04] Shin
    We have an interview with the gorilla author
[23:06] ---
    in celebration of him finally finishing the original storyboard!
[23:11] Shin
    Yeah, good work.
[23:15] Shin
    Sure took you long enough.
[23:17] Shin
    So how is it?
[23:18] Shin
    Any comments now that it's done?
[23:24] Shin
    Huh?
[23:26] Shin
    Uh, then let me ask you this.
[23:29] Shin
    Do I play a big role?
[23:31] Shin
    Do I get any screen time?
[23:37] Shin
    I don't understand what you're saying!
[23:41] Shin
    Huh?  What is it?
[23:46] Shin
    Again?
[23:48] Shin
    You're going to fart again?
[23:50] Shin
    You'll pretend to burst with joy because you're done,
[23:53] Shin
    but you'll just fart instead.
[23:55] Shin
    We know it's coming.
[23:57] Shin
    You can only trick us so many times...
[24:00] Shin
    Gorilla!
[24:02] ---
    

E256.C - Gintama Classic - No Matter How Old You Get, You Still Hate the Dentist
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:43] Gintoki
    Hurry it up...
[01:46] Gintoki
    I'm begging ya.
[01:48] Gintoki
    Make it quick.
[01:51] Gintoki
    Please...
[01:53] Gintoki
    Hurry...
[01:54] Gintoki
    End my suffering!
[01:57] Gintoki
    Why don't you finish me off?
[02:00] Gintoki
    Why must you waste time?
[02:03] Gintoki
    Kill me!
[02:04] Gintoki
    Just get it over with!
[02:06] Gintoki
    Do you enjoy torturing me?!
[02:09] Gintoki
    Please!
[02:10] Gintoki
    I can't stand just sitting here
    waiting for my death!
[02:14] Gintoki
    I'll go insane!
[02:16] Gintoki
    I beg ya!
[02:18] Gintoki
    Quick!
[02:19] Gintoki
    Kill me!
[02:24] Nurse A
    Um, Sakata-san.
[02:25] Nurse A
    Excuse me, but could you keep it down?
[02:30] Nurse A
    You're disturbing the other patients.
SIGN    [Namu Dental Clinic]
[02:35] Gintoki
    Sorry about that...
SIGN    ["People Of All Ages Hate The Dentist!"]
[02:46] Gintoki
    No...
[02:47] Gintoki
    I hate going to the dentist.
[02:49] Gintoki
    That distinctive odor...
[02:51] Gintoki
    That shady easy listening music...
[02:54] Gintoki
    The echoing whir of the drill...
[02:56] Gintoki
    And the wait... It's like waiting
    for your death sentence...
[03:00] Gintoki
    Damn! I SO wanna go home!
[03:02] Gintoki
    Go home, latch on to Sadaharu,
    and cuddle in his fur!
[03:06] Gintoki
    But my tooth hurts...
[03:07] Gintoki
    No, but I'm scared of the treatment...
[03:09] Gintoki
    How many times have
    I gone through this?
[03:11] Gintoki
    Just put me out of my misery.
[03:14] Gintoki
    Sure, a candy lover is doomed
    to a life of cavities,
[03:18] Gintoki
    but that aspect of my character's
    been forgotten, you know?
[03:22] Gintoki
    There was no scene of me
    eating sweets lately.
[03:25] Gintoki
    They're gonna drill.
[03:27] Gintoki
    They'll stick that thing
    in my mouth for sure.
[03:29] Gintoki
    A drill doesn't belong in your mouth.
[03:32] Gintoki
    It's the last thing you
    should stick in there!
[03:33] Gintoki
    That's not what a doctor's
    supposed to do.
[03:35] Gintoki
    What do I do?
[03:36] Gintoki
    Will I die if I sneeze when
    the drill's in my mouth?
[03:39] Gintoki
    Am I gonna die?
[03:41] Gintoki
    What do I do?
[03:42] Gintoki
    Will I die if that sucking tube
    thing gets my tongue?
[03:46] Gintoki
    Am I gonna die?!
[03:50] Gintoki
    Stop, stop!!
[03:51] Gintoki
    Enough already!!
[03:53] Gintoki
    I'll stop thinking about it.
[03:55] Gintoki
    I'll read a magazine or something
    to take my mind off that.
[03:57] Gintoki
    JUMP... JUMP...
SIGN    [Note: "Weekly Shonen Magazine" published from Kodansha.]
[04:00] Gintoki
    What? This place prefers Magazine?
[04:02] Gintoki
    I guess it can't hurt every
    once in a while...
[04:12] Gintoki
    Here to clean your tobacco
    stains? You nicotine addict!
[04:14] Hijikata
    Can't you tell from my face?
[04:16] Hijikata
    An old silver cap decided to rot on me.
SIGN    [Note: Part of Gintoki's name is "Gin", which is silver in Japanese.]
[04:20] Hijikata
    Damn, anything with the word
    "silver" in it is bound to fail.
[04:23] Gintoki
    Let go. I grabbed it first.
[04:25] Hijikata
    No, we touched it at the same time.
[04:26] Hijikata
    And don't you prefer JUMP?
[04:27] Hijikata
    Let this Magazine fan have it.
[04:29] Gintoki
    It's a good idea to check
    out the enemy at times.
[04:33] Gintoki
    So what if it's the 50th anniversary?
[04:35] Gintoki
    Why are you teaming up with Sunday?
[04:38] Gintoki
    Something's up there.
[04:39] Hijikata
    What, are you jealous?
[04:40] Hijikata
    You want in or something?
[04:42] Hijikata
    You upset about not being
    invited to the party?
[04:44] Gintoki
    Heck no.
[04:44] Gintoki
    Go enjoy it yourselves.
[04:45] Gintoki
    It's easier for us to go solo.
[04:47] Gintoki
    No point in cooperating when you
    guys have no chance against us.
[04:50] Hijikata
    You've got it backwards.
[04:52] Hijikata
    Don't you understand that
    everyone hates you?
[04:54] Hijikata
    Can't you tell that
    you're being shunned?
[04:56] Nurse A
    Please keep it down.
[04:56] Gintoki
    What? Pretending to be popular?
[04:57] Nurse A
    You're disturbing the other patients...
[04:58] Gintoki
    Haven't you realized that Sunday's only
    pretending to be a buddy to Magazine?
[05:01] Gintoki
    He was trashing you on the way
    home from school the other day.
[05:03] Hijikata
    Sunday would never do that!
[05:05] Hijikata
    Don't make shit up.
[05:06] Gintoki
    Go ask Champion.
SIGN    [Note: "Weekly Shonen Champion" is manga magazine from Akita Shoten.]
[05:08] Gintoki
    He heard it too.
[05:09] Hijikata
    Shut up!
[05:09] Hijikata
    What do you know about Sunday?!
[05:11] Gintoki
    Keep on pretending to be all tight!
[05:12] Gintoki
    Too bad you're anything but!
[05:13] Nurse A
    Hey! I told you to
    shut the hell up!
[05:13] Gintoki
    Everybody knows already!
[05:14] Gintoki
    Gangan and Ace know too!
SIGN    [Note: Monthly manga magazines. "Gangan" is published by
     Square Enix and "Shonen Ace" is published by Kadokawa Shoten.]
[05:22] Hijikata
    I just had to run into this jerk.
[05:24] Gintoki
    Why did I have to bump
    into him of all people?
[05:28] Hijikata
    I have to act calm.
[05:30] Gintoki
    I can't let him know my weakness.
[05:34] Both
    I can't let him know that I still
    hate the dentist at this age!
[05:41] Gintoki
    Hey, can you cut that out?
[05:45] Gintoki
    Constantly fidgeting...
[05:47] Gintoki
    How many times are you
    going to cross your legs?
[05:49] Gintoki
    You're making me nervous.
[05:51] Hijikata
    And what about you?
[05:52] Hijikata
    Your leg's been tapping like crazy.
SIGN    [Note: Restless Legs Syndrome is known as
     "Poor People's Shake" in Japan, based on how
     poor people are often always shivering, etc.]
[05:55] Hijikata
    Could you cut it out?
[05:56] Hijikata
    You're gonna make me poor like you.
[05:58] Gintoki
    I'm all irritated because
    of your fidgeting.
[06:00] Gintoki
    Oh?
[06:02] Gintoki
    Is that it?
[06:03] Gintoki
    Are you scared?
[06:04] Gintoki
    The Demon Vice-Chief?
[06:06] Hijikata
    Huh? What?
[06:07] Hijikata
    No idea what you're talking about.
[06:08] Hijikata
    Scared of what?
[06:09] Hijikata
    Was there something scary
    about the dentist?
[06:12] Gintoki
    No, not really.
[06:13] Gintoki
    Nothing at all.
[06:14] Hijikata
    You said that because there's
    something to be scared of.
[06:17] Hijikata
    Which means you're the
    one who's scared?
[06:19] Gintoki
    Hell no.
[06:20] Gintoki
    You know how people say that the
    sound of a drill can be scary?
[06:24] Gintoki
    Not that I would understand.
[06:26] Hijikata
    I don't get it either.
[06:27] Hijikata
    Hell, I want a drill in my
    mouth every week;
[06:30] Hijikata
    come in to get plaque removed
    on a regular basis.
[06:33] Gintoki
    What? You don't do that?
[06:34] Gintoki
    I have the whole package
    done every three days.
[06:38] Gintoki
    My mouth feels all icky if I
    don't get that drill in there.
[06:41] Hijikata
    Oh, really.
[06:43] Hijikata
    I have my own drill at home so
    I don't have to come here.
[06:46] Hijikata
    Since I'm a driller.
[06:48] Gintoki
    Driller?!
[06:49] Gintoki
    What the hell's a driller?!
[06:51] Gintoki
    Why do you have your own drill?!
[06:53] Gintoki
    He's crazy!
[06:53] Gintoki
    No fear of drills!
[06:56] Gintoki
    Oh, you're also a driller?
[06:59] Gintoki
    What a coincidence.
[07:00] Gintoki
    Interested in entering a
    drill contest with me?
[07:03] Hijikata
    Drill contest?!
[07:05] Hijikata
    No way! I don't wanna do that crap!
[07:08] Hijikata
    This guy enters a contest like that?!
[07:10] Hijikata
    He's a monster!
[07:12] Hijikata
    Sure, if I'm off that day.
[07:14] Hijikata
    Well, I'll try to keep my schedule open.
[07:17] Hasegawa
    Huh? What are you two
    doing here together?
[07:21] Gintoki
    Hasegawa-san.
[07:22] Hasegawa
    You guys are also having
    teeth problems?
[07:25] Hijikata
    I was taking a walk and decided
    to stop by for a drilling.
[07:28] Hasegawa
    A drill? What are you talking about?
[07:30] Gintoki
    Are you also here for a drilling?
[07:32] Hasegawa
    A drilling? Well, I'm
    here to get treated.
[07:34] Hasegawa
    I just stepped out for a bathroom break.
[07:37] Hasegawa
    But man...
[07:39] Hasegawa
    The treatment here really hurts.
[07:46] Gintoki
    O-Oh, really...
[07:49] Gintoki
    I hate those month-long
    treatments that require
[07:50] ---
    you to keep going back to the dentist.
[07:52] Gintoki
    I heard that they did
    it in one shot here.
[07:55] Hasegawa
    Sure, they're fast, but it hurts.
[07:59] Hasegawa
    I felt like screaming so many times.
[08:01] Assistant
    Hasegawa-san!
[08:03] Assistant
    Are you finished?
[08:04] Hasegawa
    Oh, sorry! I'm on my way.
[08:06] Hasegawa
    I'll be going then.
[08:08] Hasegawa
    You'd better prepare yourselves.
[08:14] Gintoki
    I-I see...
[08:16] Gintoki
    It hurts...
[08:17] Gintoki
    W-Well, dental treatments are
    supposed to hurt.
[08:20] Hijikata
    Th-That's right...
[08:22] Hijikata
    To the point where you wonder
    if it worked if it didn't hurt.
[08:25] Gintoki
    Hmm? You look a little pale?
[08:28] Hijikata
    Not at all.
[08:30] Assistant
    Hasegawa-san, don't struggle!
[08:33] Assistant
    It's dangerous so you
    have to stay still!
[08:34] Dr. Yabuta
    Hold Hasegawa-san down.
[08:36] Dr. Yabuta
    Tie him down to the seat.
[08:37] Dr. Yabuta
    Ah, yes. Like that.
[08:39] Hijikata
    Doesn't this sound a little too painful?
[08:42] Gintoki
    What kind of treatment is this?!
[08:45] Assistant
    Doctor! Hasegawa-san's pulse!
[08:47] Dr. Yabuta
    Perform CPR. If it doesn't work,
    bring out the defibrillator.
[08:50] Hijikata
    Defibrillator?!
[08:51] Hijikata
    Why would a dentist need that?!
[08:52] Assistant
    Doctor! His pulse is back,
[08:54] Assistant
    but the shock threw "that" loose!
[08:56] Gintoki
    Threw "that" loose?!
[08:57] Gintoki
    What's "that"?! What's loose?!
[08:59] Dr. Yabuta
    Oh, it's okay. We won't
    be using that again.
[09:01] Dr. Yabuta
    Dip it in the ponzu sauce.
SIGN    [Note: Ponzu sauce is a citrus based sauce often used as dip for shabu-shabu.]
[09:02] Gintoki
    Dip it in the ponzu sauce?!
[09:03] Gintoki
    What are they doing?!
[09:04] Assistant
    Wouldn't this go better
    with sesame sauce, Doc?
[09:07] Hijikata
    Sesame sauce?!
[09:08] Hijikata
    Are they having shabu-shabu?!
[09:09] Hijikata
    They're having shabu-shabu, right?!
[09:11] Dr. Yabuta
    Okay, that should do it.
[09:12] Hijikata
    It's over?!
[09:13] Hijikata
    They finished it with a ponzu sauce?!
[09:15] Dr. Yabuta
    How do you feel, Hasegawa-san?
[09:17] Hasegawa
    Man, it's like the
    pain's completely gone.
[09:20] Gintoki
    Not just your pain, but like a part
    of your body's also gone!
[09:22] Gintoki
    It's been dunked in ponzu sauce!
[09:24] Dr. Yabuta
    You'll be able to eat anything you
    want now, just like before.
[09:27] Hasegawa
    Man... Thank you very much, Doc.
[09:31] Assistant
    We've included some painkillers and
    a toothbrush specially made by us.
[09:35] Hasegawa
    Thanks for being so considerate.
[09:38] Assistant
    Take care now.
[09:39] Hasegawa
    Thank you very much!
[09:43] Hasegawa
    Man, I'm completely better now.
[09:46] Hasegawa
    It was damn painful, but the
    dentist was pretty good.
[09:49] Hasegawa
    Look, they even included a toothbrush!
[09:54] Both
    Included as in literally included?!
[09:57] Gintoki
    Wait!
[09:58] Gintoki
    Your teeth are fine now, but you lost
    something more important instead?!
[10:01] Hijikata
    That's way beyond an
    equivalent exchange!
[10:03] Nurse A
    You should come in for a new toothbrush
    if the bristles wear out.
[10:06] Hasegawa
    May I say something...?
[10:08] Gintoki
    Yeah! Speak your mind! Sue them!
[10:10] Hijikata
    That's one crazy quack!
[10:12] Hasegawa
    I need a hard toothbrush
    to get the job done.
[10:15] Both
    That's not the issue here!
[10:17] Nurse A
    Yes, no problem.
[10:18] Nurse A
    We included a hard toothbrush
    on your crotch to be safe.
[10:21] Nurse A
    It'll get hard when you
    play around with it.
[10:23] Gintoki
    That's not the point!!
[10:25] Gintoki
    How are you supposed to
    brush your teeth with it?!
[10:27] Gintoki
    Only your wife can reach down
    there to brush with it!
[10:28] Dr. Yabuta
    Well, you take care now.
[10:32] Kondo
    Oh, it's Toshi!
[10:33] Kondo
    You guys are also here to get treated?
[10:35] Hijikata
    Kondo-san...
[10:36] Kondo
    Man, this dentist does good work!
[10:39] Kondo
    I'm completely better now!
[10:40] Kondo
    They even included an...
[10:42] Kondo
    electric toothbrush.
[10:45] Hijikata
    Electric toothbrush...?
[10:47] Gintoki
    Isn't that Hasegawa-san's arm?
[10:50] Kondo
    Well, it smells like ponzu sauce,
    but it's pretty useful.
[10:53] Gintoki
    Hey! It's obviously Hasegawa-san's!
[10:56] Hasegawa
    Really? I don't like the idea of
    letting machines do the work.
[11:00] Hasegawa
    You have to brush your teeth
    with your own hands.
[11:02] Hijikata
    Yeah, that'd be your hand right there.
[11:04] Hijikata
    And hasn't your hand been
    replaced by a toothbrush?
[11:06] Nurse A
    If Hasega...
[11:08] Nurse A
    The electric toothbrush starts to rot,
    please come in to get it replaced.
[11:11] Gintoki
    She was about to say Hasegawa-san's
    arm, wasn't she?!
[11:13] Kondo
    Excuse me...
[11:14] Kondo
    I'm having a hard time getting
    the brush to reach my mouth.
[11:17] Kondo
    Is that okay?
[11:19] Nurse A
    It's fine.
[11:20] Nurse A
    If it doesn't reach, use a toothbrush in
    your own hand to brush your teeth.
[11:23] Hijikata
    Why'd you include the arm then?!
[11:25] Hijikata
    That's just harassment!
[11:26] Nurse A
    Take care now, you two.
[11:29] Gintoki
    Take care, my ass!
[11:30] Gintoki
    Why don't you take care
    of your patients first?!
[11:33] Hijikata
    This isn't dental care. They're
    modifying your body!
[11:37] Gintoki
    This dentist is crazy!
[11:39] Gintoki
    It's way too insane!
[11:48] Hijikata
    H-Hey...
[11:49] Hijikata
    What are you doing? Get outta here!
[11:52] Hijikata
    This is no dental clinic.
[11:54] Hijikata
    It's Shocker HQ.
SIGN    [Note: An Evil organization from the Kamen Rider series. 
    Shocker performs modification operations that
     gives the subject superhuman fighting abilities.]
[11:55] Gintoki
    Stop being stubborn and scram.
[11:57] Gintoki
    Hey, what are you doing?
[11:59] Gintoki
    Go home, please!
[12:00] Gintoki
    I'll give you 300 yen.
[12:01] Hijikata
    What's wrong with this guy?
    Why doesn't he run?
[12:04] Gintoki
    Get a clue!
[12:05] Gintoki
    I can't leave until you do, fool!
[12:09] Nurse A
    Could the next patients
    please step inside.
[12:11] Nurse A
    Two at a time.
[12:13] Hijikata
    No way. You're kidding.
[12:15] Gintoki
    Are we seriously going?
[12:17] Gintoki
    Well, let's see how deep
    that drill will go this time.
[12:22] Gintoki
    Will it reach my soul?
[12:24] Gintoki
    No! I don't wanna go!
[12:26] Gintoki
    How would a drill reach my soul?!
[12:28] Gintoki
    I have no idea what I'm saying!
[12:30] Hijikata
    Why do people dig?
[12:32] Hijikata
    Because they have drills.
[12:34] Hijikata
    What was that?!
[12:36] Hijikata
    Am I an idiot?! An idiot?!
[12:38] Hijikata
    Stop pretending to be
    a man and run for it!
[12:41] Gintoki
    Hey! Somebody!
[12:43] Hijikata
    Anybody!
[12:44] Both
    Stop us!!
[12:49] Dr. Yabuta
    Hello.
[12:51] Dr. Yabuta
    I'm Yabuta of the Namu dental clinic.
[12:53] Dr. Yabuta
    Sakata-san and Hijikata-san, right?
[12:55] Dr. Yabuta
    I'll be taking care of you today.
[12:57] Dr. Yabuta
    Don't be so nervous.
[13:00] Dr. Yabuta
    It won't hurt.
[13:01] Dr. Yabuta
    Well, just relax. C'mon, relax.
[13:06] Both
    A-A crime scene?!
[13:09] Gintoki
    Is a dental operation room supposed
    to be this red?
[13:11] Gintoki
    Wasn't it supposed to be whiter?
[13:13] Gintoki
    All spic-and-span?
[13:15] Hijikata
    Was dental care always so bloody?
[13:18] Hijikata
    Weren't the instruments more compact?
[13:20] Hijikata
    Was there a chainsaw involved?
[13:26] Both
    Is this how going to
    the dentist was like?!
[13:30] Dr. Yabuta
    Well, you've both got
    some swollen faces.
[13:33] Dr. Yabuta
    Why did you leave it alone so long?
[13:35] Dr. Yabuta
    That's no good.
[13:36] Dr. Yabuta
    The mouth is like the
    entrance to a human.
[13:40] Dr. Yabuta
    Also the first step to
    getting to know a person.
[13:43] Dr. Yabuta
    You can judge a person by their teeth.
[13:48] Dr. Yabuta
    Yeah, most people with
    dirty teeth are slobs.
[13:51] Dr. Yabuta
    People who keep their teeth clean
[13:53] ---
    
    probably listened to their parents.
[13:56] Dr. Yabuta
    Yep, that's why I always tell my
    young patients the following.
[14:01] Dr. Yabuta
    When you go on a group date, looks
    and personality don't matter.
[14:05] Dr. Yabuta
    Check their boobs first.
[14:08] Both
    Doc, the door to your entrance
    has fallen off its hinges...
[14:12] Dr. Yabuta
    You can judge a person
    after seeing their boobs.
[14:15] Hijikata
    This Doc is terrible!
[14:16] Dr. Yabuta
    Women with big areolae 
    on their breasts have big
[14:18] Hijikata
    He's talking about boobs!
[14:20] Gintoki
    The door's fallen loose,
[14:20] ---
    hearts that are more 
    forgiving of adultery.
[14:21] Gintoki
    and there's a toilet-like
    smell coming out!
[14:24] Gintoki
    Like Niwa-kun's place where you go
[14:26] ---
    
    in the door and it smells like a toilet!
[14:27] Gintoki
    The toilet is his entrance!
[14:30] Dr. Yabuta
    And women with small areolae on
    their breasts tend to be smothering.
[14:34] Dr. Yabuta
    You've gotta be careful.
[14:35] Hijikata
    Nobody would want to smother you!
[14:38] Dr. Yabuta
    Areolae are the key to women.
[14:40] Dr. Yabuta
    Nothing else matters.
[14:41] Gintoki
    What kind of a group date would involve
    looking at their areolae?!
[14:43] Gintoki
    What kind of group date did you go to?!
[14:47] Dr. Yabuta
    Okay...
[14:48] Dr. Yabuta
    Let's get down to business.
[14:50] Dr. Yabuta
    I'll have an assistant take
    a quick look at you.
[14:53] Dr. Yabuta
    Well, it's possible that my assistants
    will be able to take care of you.
[14:57] Gintoki
    G-Good... He's not doing the treatment.
[15:01] Dr. Yabuta
    Hey! You two!
[15:04] ---
    Yes!
[15:04] Nakayama
    Yes.
[15:09] Dr. Yabuta
    Nakayama-san and Battle
    Fairy Shazzan-san.
[15:12] Dr. Yabuta
    Which do you want?
[15:13] Gintoki
    Nakayama-san!
[15:14] Hijikata
    Definitely Nakayama-san!
[15:16] Gintoki
    Anybody but Shazzan-san!
[15:18] Nakayama
    Ooh, what to do?
[15:20] Nakayama
    Which one do you like?
[15:21] Nakayama
    I prefer the one with black hair.
[15:23] Hijikata
    And what the hell is that?
[15:24] Hijikata
    Why is Battle Fairy Shazzan
    working in a dental clinic?!
[15:27] Hijikata
    What the hell is Battle Fairy Shazzan?!
[15:28] Dr. Yabuta
    Which do you want to look at you?
[15:30] Both
    I want Nakayama-san!
[15:30] Both
    I want Nakayama-san!
[15:32] Dr. Yabuta
    Sakata-san was a little faster.
[15:35] Dr. Yabuta
    Then Sakata-san will
    have Nakayama-san.
[15:36] Hijikata
    Wait!
[15:37] Hijikata
    Uh, hold on!
[15:39] Gintoki
    Right on...
[15:40] Gintoki
    I dodged a bullet there.
[15:44] Nakayama
    The name's Nakayama.
[15:45] Nakayama
    I'll be taking care of you, Sakata-san.
[15:48] Gintoki
    Y-You're Nakayama?!
[15:51] Gintoki
    Wait!
[15:52] Gintoki
    Hold on!
[15:53] Gintoki
    You totally look like a
    Battle Fairy Shazzan!
[15:55] Gintoki
    You're obviously not Nakayama-san!
[15:58] Hijikata
    Suck on that.
[16:00] Hijikata
    I don't know what's going on,
[16:00] Hijikata
    but I guess this lady was Battle
    Fairy Shazzan-san.
[16:05] Hijikata
    W-Well, I'm all yours, Shazzan-san.
[16:17] Shazzan
    I am Battle Fairy Shazzan.
[16:19] Shazzan
    I'll be taking care of you.
[16:21] Hijikata
    Why?!
[16:24] Assistant
    Well, Nakayama-san, Shazzan-san,
    do your best.
[16:26] Both
    Roger.
[16:27] Hijikata
    So Nakayama-san and Shazzan-san
    are both battle fairies?!
[16:31] Nakayama
    Then, we shall explain this
[16:33] ---
    clinic's system before we commence treatment.
[16:36] Gintoki
    Before you do that, explain how you've
    ended up as battle fairies!
[16:40] Shazzan
    Our clinic will treat
    your dental maladies,
[16:42] Shazzan
    and also provide operating services
    to prevent any future cavities.
[16:46] Hijikata
    That's way beyond a dentist's job!
[16:49] Nakayama
    Then we'll move on to an explanation
    of your options.
[16:53] Nakayama
    Option A provides
    treatment of your cavity
[16:55] ---
    
    and surgery to modify your body.
[16:57] Nakayama
    Option B provides surgery
    to modify your body
[16:59] ---
    and comes with free drinks.
[17:01] Gintoki
    Option B has nothing
    to do with my teeth!
[17:04] Gintoki
    Why are there free drinks?!
[17:06] Gintoki
    Uh, excuse me.
[17:07] Gintoki
    Isn't there an option that skips
[17:09] ---
    the surgery
    and gets my cavity treated?
[17:11] Nakayama
    You'll save money by choosing Option A
[17:12] ---
    instead of getting the treatment and surgery separately.
[17:16] Gintoki
    No, I don't want the surgery.
[17:18] Gintoki
    I just want to get this cavity treated!
[17:20] Nakayama
    Then I would recommend
    either Option Z or X.
[17:24] Gintoki
    What are those?
[17:25] Nakayama
    Option Z includes a massage when
    you get your cavity treated.
[17:30] Nakayama
    Option X includes a salad bar
    when you get treatment.
[17:33] Gintoki
    A-Ah, then I'll take Option Z.
[17:36] Nakayama
    With the massage?
[17:38] Gintoki
    Yea, whatever. That'll do.
[17:40] Nakayama
    Roger.
[17:41] Gintoki
    Whew... I managed to avoid the surgery.
[17:48] Betty
    I'm Betty. I'll be taking
    care of you, boss.
[17:52] Gintoki
    They attached a massage girl!
[17:55] Gintoki
    I ended up getting modified!
[17:57] Gintoki
    And this has nothing to do
    with preventing cavities!
[18:00] Gintoki
    This thing has no intention
    of doing its job!
[18:02] Gintoki
    Couldn't they give me a higher
    quality girl at least?!
[18:07] Nakayama
    Allow me to explain.
[18:09] Nakayama
    Pleasure Fort Betty and Sakata-san
[18:11] ---
    have been neurologically connected,
[18:13] Nakayama
    which means that the robot
    Pleasure Fort Betty
[18:16] Nakayama
    appears as an actual massage
    girl to Sakata-san.
SIGN    [In Actuality]
SIGN    [Through Gintoki's Eyes]
[18:20] Nakayama
    Our service is perfect.
[18:22] Hijikata
    That was close!
[18:24] Hijikata
    I was about to end up the same way!
[18:27] Hijikata
    But I already learned
    that I should think
[18:29] ---
    
    carefully from the battle fairy deal.
[18:32] Hijikata
    Option X!
[18:33] Hijikata
    Treatment with a salad bar service.
[18:35] Hijikata
    This is the right answer.
[18:37] Hijikata
    Uh, I'll have Option X.
[18:41] Shazzan
    Roger.
[18:42] Hijikata
    No way you can attach
    a salad bar to a body.
[18:46] Hijikata
    Thanks. Your failure saved me
    from making the same mistake.
SIGN    [Note: "Baa" here is used to  mean "old lady" not "bar"]
[18:57] Hijikata
    Th-They gave me a Salad Baa!
[19:00] Hijikata
    They got me!
SIGN    [In Actuality]
[19:01] Hijikata
    This is what they meant
    by a "salad bar"?!
[19:03] Hijikata
    And what's the point of this?!
[19:05] Hijikata
    She's just sitting there eating salad!
SIGN    [Through Hijikata's Eyes]
[19:07] Hijikata
    And she's using dressing
    instead of mayonnaise!
[19:10] Hijikata
    This just sucks!
[19:11] Hijikata
    I'll have to watch this old
    lady eat salad without
[19:13] ---
    mayo for the rest of my life?!
[19:16] Nakayama
    Okay, that should take care
    of the preparations.
[19:18] Gintoki
    Preparations?!
[19:19] Gintoki
    What could this possibly
    prepare us for?!
[19:21] Shazzan
    Then we'll begin the actual
    treatment now.
[19:24] Hijikata
    Treat my body before you treat my teeth!
[19:27] Hijikata
    Give me back my original body!
[19:28] Nakayama
    Open wide.
[19:30] Nakayama
    Please relax.
[19:32] Nakayama
    There's nothing to be scared of.
[19:34] Gintoki
    You're damn scary!
[19:36] Shazzan
    Open wide.
[19:38] Shazzan
    Your face will be blown
    off if it touches the drill.
[19:41] Hijikata
    That huge-ass drill
    can't fit in my mouth!
[19:48] Nakayama
    Don't worry.
[19:49] Nakayama
    The modifications mean that your body
[19:51] ---
    
    will suffer less from the treatment.
[19:54] Shazzan
    Well? There shouldn't be much pain.
[19:58] Gintoki
    Now that you mention it...
[20:00] Hijikata
    It doesn't hurt at all.
[20:02] Nakayama
    Our clinic specializes in swift care,
[20:04] Nakayama
    but that puts a heavier
    burden on the patient.
[20:07] Shazzan
    The surgery modifies
    your body to cope with
[20:11] ---
    
    the care and allow for safe treatment.
[20:15] Gintoki
    Uh, safe?
[20:17] Gintoki
    This stopped being safe when
    you modified our bodies!
[20:20] Both
    Hold on a second...
[20:23] Both
    Is all the damage being
    shifted over to them?!
[20:26] Shazzan
    They bear most of the pain,
    so relax as we treat you.
SIGN    [Through Hijikata's Eyes]
[20:31] Hijikata
    Uh, that's no ordinary pain.
[20:34] Hijikata
    It's pretty hard to relax
    while that's going on.
SIGN    [In Actuality]
[20:37] Nakayama
    If it weren't for them, you would
    be feeling even more pain.
SIGN    [Through Gintoki's Eyes]
[20:41] Gintoki
    So we don't feel any pain,
[20:43] ---
    but whatever's happening
    to our body causes that much pain?
SIGN    [In Actuality]
[20:45] Gintoki
    Is that okay?! Huh?!
SIGN    [Through Gintoki's Eyes]
[20:46] Gintoki
    No! Stop!
[20:48] Gintoki
    Don't look at me like that!
SIGN    [In Actuality]
[20:50] Gintoki
    What? Is it my fault?!
[20:51] Gintoki
    Was I wrong?!
SIGN    [Through Hijikata's Eyes]
[20:53] Hijikata
    This isn't my fault.
SIGN    [In Actuality]
[20:55] Hijikata
    Yeah, I have nothing to do with this!
[20:58] Gintoki
    Huh? What is this?
[21:00] Gintoki
    I've got this weird image in my mind.
[21:03] Gintoki
    Hey! What is this?
[21:04] Gintoki
    Like my life is flashing before my eyes?
[21:06] Gintoki
    Or is this Betty's life?
[21:08] Gintoki
    And what's with the fake memories?!
[21:11] Gintoki
    I don't remember anything
    like that happening!
[21:13] Gintoki
    Stop! Don't show me that creepy stuff!
[21:15] Gintoki
    I didn't do anything wrong!
[21:16] Gintoki
    This has nothing to do with me!
[21:17] Gintoki
    I'm the one who was modified
    and getting screwed!
[21:21] Hijikata
    Huh? What is this?
[21:22] Hijikata
    Strange images are flowing
    into my mind.
[21:26] Hijikata
    Hey, are these flashbacks...?
[21:28] Hijikata
    The salad old lady's life is
    flashing before my eyes?!
[21:30] Hijikata
    And she has no actual memories!
[21:32] Hijikata
    It's all about vegetables!
[21:34] Hijikata
    Are you okay with this?!
[21:36] Hijikata
    Dying without any decent memories...
[21:37] Hijikata
    No, I want to get my cavity treated.
[21:40] Hijikata
    I don't give a damn about
    a salad old lady!
[21:43] Both
    It's not my fault! It's not my
    fault! It's not my fault!
[21:47] Both
    It's not my fault! It's not my
    fault! It's not my fault!
[21:50] Both
    Yeah!
[21:51] Both
    We didn't do anything...
[21:53] Both
    WROOOOOONG!!
[21:58] Nurse B
    Um, excuse me.
[22:00] Nurse B
    This isn't a dental clinic.
[22:04] Gintoki
    I know.
[22:05] Nurse B
    Well, you obviously have cavities.
[22:08] Nurse B
    You should go see a dentist.
[22:10] Hijikata
    We don't care about the cavities.
[22:12] Hijikata
    It'll rot and fall out soon enough.
[22:14] Nurse B
    Then why are you here?
[22:19] Both
    Please fix her...
[22:19] Both
    Please fix her...
[22:21] ---
    
[23:55] Kagura
    Good job on the storyboard, gorilla.
[23:58] Kagura
    What?  You hurt yourself celebrating last week?
[24:02] Kagura
    Yeah, I'm not saying a word.

E256.C - Gintama Classic - Why Not Talk About the Old Days for a Change?
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:16] TANAKAWOMANMAN IN BLACK A
    Welcome home, Ojiki!
[00:18] TANAKA
    Hey, where's sis?
[00:19] MAN IN BLACK A
    She's waiting upstairs.
[00:26] WOMAN A
    Papa! Papa!
[00:33] WOMAN C
    What?! Tanaka?!
[00:35] WOMAN C
    You idiot! Don't just stand there!
    Bring me the head of the guy who did it!
[00:39] MAN IN BLACK B
    S-Sorry.
[00:41] WOMAN C
    You little turd.
[00:42] STAINLESS BOY
    Sis, allow me to be of assistance.
[00:47] MAN IN BLACK C
    You two! Go that way!
[00:49] MEN IN BLACK
    Yes!
[00:54] MAN IN BLACK D
    Hey!
[00:55] MAN IN BLACK D
    Why are you sneaking
    around? Show yourself!
[01:05] STAINLESS BOY
    That psychogun attached to your arm...
    you're the Black Dragon, aren't you?
[01:15] STAINLESS BOY
    Do you know why they
    call me Stainless Boy?
[01:18] STAINLESS BOY
    That's because my body is made of a
    specially armored stainless steel.
[01:22] STAINLESS BOY
    That psychogun on your arm is useless.
[01:27] KANEMARU (mono)
    That's right. I'm the Black Dragon.
[01:31] KANEMARU (mono)
    The man with a gun for a right hand.
[01:32] KANEMARU (mono)
    In a mad dash to kill me, they've
    done everything they can.
[01:37] KANEMARU (mono)
    In front of me, somebody
    dies all the time.
[01:42] KANEMARU (mono)
    Someone always fires
    a gun, but you know,
[01:45] KANEMARU (mono)
    I really got sick and tired
    of that too much stupid days.
[01:50] KANEMARU (mono)
    I threw away my face at all,
    and got rid of my past,
[01:56] KANEMARU (mono)
    too the silly, funny, and bloody days...
SIGN    [Thanks for everything this year.  Here's wishing for a prosperous new year!  From Snack Otose]
[03:51] SHINPACHI
    What? It's not dondake?
    I was sure it would win.
SIGN    [Snack House Otose]
[03:56] SHINPACHI
    the Space Buzzword Grand Prix this year.
[03:58] KAGURA
    It won in Edo, but, it's not even
    in the top 50. Space is big.
[04:04] KAGURA
    Umm... What was fourth
    place? Smegma Prince?
[04:08] SHINPACHI
    Ah. This year we still have
    that senseless "prince" boom.
[04:12] KAGURA
    Oh. Huh? "Prince" is at number eight.
[04:14] KAGURA
    I believe number four is
    "Where are the EXLE CDs?"
[04:19] SHINPACHI
    What is that? Is that really popular?
[04:21] KAGURA
    Third place is "My grandson asked me."
[04:25] SHINPACHI
    Why are fourth place and
    third place connected?
[04:27] SHINPACHI
    It sounds just like an old lady is
    trying to get an EXLE CD for her grandson.
[04:32] SHINPACHI
    That grandson should buy his own CD.
[04:35] SHINPACHI
    There's no way that an old
    lady would know about EXLE.
[04:37] KAGURA
    Oh, yeah, "There's no way an old lady
    would know..." was number thirteen.
[04:41] SHINPACHI
    Why are comments included
    in the ranking?!
[04:43] KAGURA
    Number two is... Huh? I can't remember.
[04:47] ---
    I think number one is, "B'z
    are gonna be all right."
[04:50] SHINPACHI
    Don't give up!
[04:52] SHINPACHI
    Why did you give up and
    buy something else?
[04:54] SHINPACHI
    Besides, B'z and EXLE are
    completely different musically!
[04:58] ---
    What in the world
    happened at number two?!
[05:03] KAGURA
    Shinpachi, this is what
    happens when you yell.
[05:04] SHINPACHI
    Why is it my fault?
[05:08] KAGURA
    What is it? Is there an EXLE CD?
[05:11] SHINPACHI
    A photo came out from
    behind the picture frame.
[05:13] SHINPACHI
    It looks like a pretty old photo.
[05:17] SHINPACHI
    Who is she?
[05:19] SHINPACHI
    Could it be?
[05:20] KAGURA
    It's his ex, isn't it?
[05:22] SHINPACHI
    Huh? You think so? Yeah?
[05:25] KAGURA
    There's no mistake.
[05:26] KAGURA
    That lascivious air about them...
[05:28] KAGURA
    They must've had a wet,
    sticky, lusty relationship.
[05:31] KAGURA
    It's pretty effeminate of him to
    cling to this picture. Isn't it?
[05:37] SHINPACHI
    Let's put it back now!
    Put it back, quickly!
[05:40] ---
    We've got to put it back
    before Gin comes back!
[05:41] ---
    He'll freak if he finds out we saw this.
[05:43] ---
    This makes a mother catching her son
    doing something nasty seem pale in comparison!
[05:47] SHINPACHI
    Quickly! Quickly!
[05:48] GINTOKI
    Hey. I bought some detergent.
[05:50] SHINPACHI
    Gin's here! Hurry! Kagura! Quickly!
[05:53] KAGURA
    Shut up!  I'm putting it back now.
[06:03] SHINPACHI
    Oh! W-Well...
[06:06] SHINPACHI
    Gin! It's not like that! Umm...
    We didn't see anything!
[06:10] SHINPACHI
    We don't know anything!
[06:12] KAGURA
    Why are you still dragging that around?
[06:13] KAGURA
    That woman probably doesn't
    even remember you.
[06:17] SHINPACHI
    K-Kagura?!
[06:19] GINTOKI
    Hey. What a great little
    piece of nostalgia.
[06:23] GINTOKI
    Where did you find this?
[06:24] SHINPACHI
    Well, while we were cleaning...it came
    out from behind the picture frame.
[06:28] GINTOKI
    I see. So that's where it was.
[06:31] SHINPACHI
    Huh? You seem kind of indifferent...
    But, huh? What is that? Who is that?
[06:37] KAGURA
    That...
[06:39] GINTOKI
    What is it? It's one of the Odd Jobs.
[06:42] SHINPACHI
    Huh? "It's one the Odd Jobs"?
    But we're the Odd Jobs.
[06:46] GINTOKI
    Now we are.
[06:47] SHINPACHI
    "Now we are"?
[06:49] KAGURAGINTOKI
    If anything, we're the new Odd Jobs.
[06:52] ---
    This was a prototype.
[06:54] SHINPACHI
    A p-p-p-prototype? Hold on.
    You never told me about that!
[06:58] GINTOKI
    Huh? Didn't I tell you about it?
SIGN    ["Let's Talk About The Old  Days Once In A While"]
[07:12] GINTOKI
    Basically, this was before you joined. It
    was around the time when I set this all up.
[07:16] GINTOKI
    It was a time when I had, not
    you, but different friends.
[07:24] SHINPACHI
    You said before that you
    had done this by yourself.
[07:27] GINTOKI
    Did I?
[07:29] SHINPACHI
    When we met, you were
    definitely by yourself.
[07:33] GINTOKI
    In this business I do whatever
    people ask me to do.
[07:37] SHINPACHI
    Setting up a new premise is problematic.
[07:40] SHINPACHI
    We've already got 137
    episodes to deal with.
[07:45] GINTOKI
    Anyway, I basically work alone. But for
    short periods of time, I did it like that.
[07:51] GINTOKI
    Inoue and Okuda also
    had times like that.
[07:55] SHINPACHI
    Never heard of 'em. Who are they?
[07:57] GINTOKI
    Anyway, a lot happens to adults.
[08:01] SHINPACHI
    It feels kind of refreshing.
[08:03] SHINPACHI
    I never knew we had more
    senior predecessors.
[08:05] GINTOKI
    Senior? It's not that special.
[08:09] GINTOKI
    It was just a temporary arrangement.
    We split up immediately.
[08:11] SHINPACHI
    Huh? Then does that mean that that
    sensual beauty was also a member of Odd Jobs?
[08:16] KAGURA
    What do you mean, "sensual?"
    That's gross, Shinpachi.
[08:20] GINTOKI
    She wasn't really a member,
    sort of a semi-regular.
[08:24] GINTOKI
    The closest comparison
    now would be Catherine.
[08:26] KAGURA
    Catherine?!
[08:28] SHINPACHI
    This is Catherine?
[08:30] GINTOKI
    Well, she used to work
    at Granny's place.
[08:33] GINTOKI
    She'd come to clean up once in a while.
[08:35] GINTOKI
    She'd help with the Odd Jobs
    office work and accounting.
[08:39] GINTOKI
    She was a good woman who'd look
    after you. Unlike Catherine.
[08:44] GINTOKI
    How nostalgic...
[08:46] SHINPACHI
    Catherine's job was a lot
    better back then, wasn't it?
[08:50] GINTOKI
    Well, it was the good old days.
[08:52] SHINPACHI
    Tell us more. What about us?
    Who filled our positions?
[08:58] KAGURA
    I want to know. They probably
    don't compare to us, though.
[09:02] GINTOKI
    The Odd Jobs hasn't changed
    at all. We worked in trios.
[09:06] SHINPACHI
    Oh? Trios?
[09:08] GINTOKI
    They were useless lumps just like you.
[09:11] ---
    Oh, here. I have a picture. Here.
[09:13] ---
    This guy had your job.
[09:15] ---
    Kanemaru, a four-eyed good-for-nothing
    whose job it was to make witty jokes.
[09:21] SHINPACHI
    Kanemaru's totally high-end!
[09:23] SHINPACHI
    What is this?! He doesn't look
    like a "Kanemaru" at all!
[09:26] SHINPACHI
    He's a "brother"! He looks like
    he's straight out of downtown LA.
[09:31] GINTOKI
    Naw, he sucked. He had a psychogun for a
    right hand, but he couldn't use it at all.
[09:37] SHINPACHI
    I bet he could use it! No matter how I
    look at it, he had to have been able to use it!
[09:40] GINTOKI
    Kanemaru worked as a no-account waiter.
[09:44] GINTOKI
    He lived an uneventful life.
[09:47] GINTOKI
    But when he got into a virtual
    simulator to unwind he remembered his true past.
[09:53] SHINPACHI
    What's with the expository
    tone of voice?
[09:55] SHINPACHI
    Besides, we already know that
    setup. We know it really well!
[10:04] GINTOKI
    Kanemaru was so feared in the
    underworld that his nickname was Black Dragon.
[10:12] KANEMARU
    Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!
[10:14] KANEMARU
    Fuck you!
[10:16] GINTOKI
    Indeed, his fighting abilities
    surpassed everyone else's.
[10:20] ---
    After that, he ended up working here.
[10:24] SHINPACHI
    But I don't really understand what
    "after that" is referring to. What is "that"?
[10:29] GINTOKI
    Well, a lot of things. This and that.
[10:32] SHINPACHI
    But what's "this and that"?
[10:33] GINTOKI
    Adult stuff. You don't want to go there.
[10:37] SHINPACHI
    Oh, okay. Sorry. So how was Kanemaru?
[10:40] GINTOKI
    He wasn't bad. What sucked
    were...his witty jokes.
[10:45] SHINPACHI
    Ah... I see.
[10:47] GINTOKI
    It's just not the Odd Jobs
    without any witty repartee.
[10:50] SHINPACHI
    Well, he was a foreigner. What could
    you do? There's a language barrier.
[10:54] GINTOKI
    Yes. I remember he surprised me once
    when we were at a family restaurant.
[11:01] GINTOKI
    We ordered lasagna and chazuke, but...
[11:04] WAITRESS
    Thank you for waiting.
[11:05] GINTOKI
    The waiter gave me the lasagna
[11:10] GINTOKI
    and gave him the chazuke.
[11:12] SHINPACHI
    Huh? She gave the chazuke to Kanemaru?
[11:15] GINTOKI
    Yes.
[11:15] GINTOKI
    So I had a lasagna that
    Girolamo or Lana would love.
[11:20] WAITRESS
    Is everything all right?
[11:23] SHINPACHI
    Aw... You better say something
    about that, Kanemaru.
[11:26] SHINPACHI
    Read the situation. Say, "Do
    I look like I eat chazuke?!"
[11:29] KANEMARU
    Oh, shit! Oh my god!
[11:32] KAGURA
    It's no good. He's only saying western
    words, like "fuck you," or "oh my god."
[11:37] KAGURA
    It's impossible for a foreigner.
[11:39] KAGURA
    Shinpachi is the best at
    making witty comments.
[11:40] KANEMARU
    Miss, I asked fer ume
    chazuke, not sake chazuke.
[11:46] SHINPACHI
    He can speak Japanese?!
[11:47] WAITRESS
    I'm sorry. I'll exchange it.
[11:50] SHINPACHI
    Hey, Kanemaru is the one
    who's ordering chazuke!
[11:52] KANEMARU
    No biggie. Just be
    careful the next time.
[11:55] SHINPACHI
    That aside, why are you eating lasagna?
    It's usually the other way around!
[11:59] KANEMARU
    Ah... Japanese people
    love chazuke the most!
[12:03] KANEMARU
    Hey, who am I calling Japanese?!
[12:05] SHINPACHI
    That's top class! It's
    a well-made remark.
[12:07] SHINPACHI
    It's like a witty comment
    from Kansai itself!
[12:08] GINTOKI
    Kanemaru was from the Kansai region.
[12:11] GINTOKI
    His grandmother was Japanese so
    he was into Enka and Dotonbori.
[12:16] SHINPACHI
    What, is he Jero?!
[12:18] GINTOKI
    Kamemaru always used to say, "I'm not a
    Japanese person. I'm a Kansai person."
[12:23] SHINPACHI
    No such Kansai person
    exists. He has a psychogun!
[12:28] SHINPACHI
    I've lost all confidence.
[12:30] ---
    He's got me beat coming and going.
[12:32] KAGURA
    Well, anyone could fill your
    position if he wanted to.
[12:37] ---
    There wasn't anyone in
    my place, was there, Gin?
[12:40] GINTOKI
    There was someone who filled
    the Kagura position.
[12:43] KAGURA
    What?!
[12:43] GINTOKI
    Here. The dazzling Ikezawa.
[12:46] SHINPACHI
    He's almost exactly like the other guy!
[12:48] ---
    How is he dazzling?!
[12:50] KAGURA
    Just what the hell do you think my job
    here is, you naturally-wavy-haired bastard!
[12:53] KAGURA
    I'll squirt ya with juice
    from this tangerine!
[12:56] GINTOKI
    Ow! It got in my eye.
[12:58] SHINPACHI
    And why the hell are all of your
    people armed with psychoguns?!
[13:01] GINTOKI
    Oh, sorry. My bad.
[13:04] GINTOKI
    This is Furuhashi. He filled
    the Sadaharu position.
[13:07] SHINPACHI
    This isn't getting any easier!
[13:09] GINTOKI
    Furuhashi was like a mascot for us.
[13:13] GINTOKI
    He had a very charming personality. His
    only flaw was his monstrous appetite.
[13:18] ---
    But he was a cute mascot.
[13:21] SHINPACHI
    I don't want a mascot like him. He
    isn't all that different from Kanemaru!
[13:24] GINTOKI
    Sorry. My mistake. Here's Kagura's spot.
[13:28] GINTOKI
    The dazzling Ikezawa.
[13:32] SHINPACHI
    She's pretty cute. Aren't
    you glad, Kagura?
[13:35] KAGURA
    She's not all that. She's just female.
[13:38] KAGURA
    You have no regard for my position if
    you think she could stand-in for me!
[13:43] GINTOKI
    No, I'm not talking about her.
[13:46] KAGURAKAGURA
    She's the same thing!
[13:50] KAGURA
    She just has a sake bottle instead of
    a psychogun! Gimme a freakin' break!
[13:55] KAGURA
    How is this me?!
[13:57] GINTOKI
    Calm down. Ikezawa used
    to be a housewife.
[14:02] GINTOKI
    But her husband began cheating on
    her at work and never came home.
[14:07] GINTOKI
    So she became a drunk. After that,
    she'd always say "uh-huh" just like Kagura.
[14:13] IKEZAWA
    Alcohol! Alcohol, please!
[14:16] IKEZAWA
    Hey! Alcohol, please.
[14:19] KAGURA
    What kind of use of "uh-huh" is that?!
[14:21] GINTOKI
    Don't worry. Ikezawa
    doesn't drink anymore.
[14:24] GINTOKI
    She recovered and she's getting alimony.
[14:26] KAGURA
    What about that?
[14:29] SHINPACHI
    Anyway, what kind of Odd Jobbers
    are these people anyway?!
[14:31] SHINPACHI
    It's just full of Kanemarus!
    It wouldn't sell.
[14:33] SHINPACHI
    They'd never turn this into an anime.
[14:35] GINTOKI
    Really? When Hedoro was on the
    cover, they said it wouldn't sell.
[14:40] ---
    But when Kanemaru was on the cover,
[14:43] ---
    we sold [censored] thousand
    copies of the first print.
[14:45] ---
    It's totally copacetic.
    Even the anime...
[14:49] KANEMARU
    You bastards! Do you see this old man?!
[14:54] IKEZAWA
    That's my pickled seaweed!
[15:00] GINTOKI
    Hey... What are you eating?!
[15:02] GINTOKI
    Perhaps something like that?
[15:04] KANEMARU
    I don't want to see my sister
    off while she's in tears.
[15:11] IKEZAWA
    Gin, what'll we do if
    she really is in love?
[15:15] IKEZAWA
    We'll be the villains.
[15:17] GINTOKI
    You're used to being
    a villain, aren't you?
[15:19] GINTOKI
    And also getting in people's
    way... Kanemaru, remember that.
[15:26] GINTOKI
    We're not allies of justice,
    or your sister's allies.
[15:31] GINTOKI
    We're your allies!
[15:33] GINTOKI
    Something like that.
[15:47] GINTOKI
    Take a look at this.
[15:50] SHINPACHI
    Her, too?!
[15:53] KAGURAIKEZAWA
    Wait!
[15:54] KANEMARU
    Tama...
[15:56] IKEZAWAKANEMARU
    Gin...
[15:58] GINTOKI
    You can't tell the difference.
[16:00] SHINPACHI
    There's a huge difference!
[16:02] KAGURAGINTOKI
    Don't say that. They're your seniors.
[16:06] KAGURAGINTOKI
    They're my precious friends with
    whom I shared countless adventures!
[16:11] GINTOKI
    Look at this. This is when we caught
    the phantom thief that was terrorizing Edo.
[16:15] GINTOKI
    That was really tough.
[16:17] GINTOKI
    This is when we took down a killer.
    The morning sun sure was bright.
[16:22] GINTOKI
    This is when we caught a purse-snatcher.
[16:24] GINTOKI
    That old lady was in tears when
    we brought her stuff back.
[16:28] GINTOKI
    This is when we beat up a pervert.
    That lady was really grateful.
[16:32] GINTOKI
    This is...What was this? That
    was the time we did something.
[16:38] GINTOKI
    This is... I kind of forgot.
[16:40] GINTOKI
    Hmm... I'm not sure.
[16:44] SHINPACHI
    They never bonded with you at all!
[16:46] SHINPACHI
    They were just wandering around!
    They didn't warm up to you at all!
[16:50] GINTOKI
    That's not true.
[16:51] GINTOKI
    Kids like you might not understand this,
[16:54] GINTOKI
    but adults leave this much space between
    themselves when they associate with each other.
[16:57] ---
    They don't get all touchy, and taking
    a piss together is off limits.
[17:00] SHINPACHI
    Those two are getting
    pretty touchy behind you!
[17:03] KAGURA
    Kanemaru and Ikezawa totally
    have a thing for each other.
[17:07] SHINPACHI
    Looks like those two are bonding,
[17:09] SHINPACHI
    leaving Gin by himself.
[17:13] KAGURA
    You've become like Parc
    Manther from Glope.
[17:16] KAGURA
    You're the most Japanese,
    but you turned into Parc.
[17:21] GINTOKI
    Shut up!
[17:23] ---
    I'm not Parc Manther!
    I lead the Odd Jobs.
[17:25] GINTOKI
    I'm [censored]!
[17:26] SHINPACHI
    No. I've never seen such
    a lonely [censored].
[17:29] GINTOKI
    Don't be silly. I'm [censored].
[17:31] GINTOKI
    I don't feel pathetic at all!
[17:33] GINTOKI
    I actually supported their
    relationship. But as the director of Odd Jobs...
[17:40] GINTOKI
    I warned them not to get wrapped up in
    their relationship and ignore their work.
[17:46] GINTOKI
    Well, young people these days just go to
    pieces when you just slap them around a bit,
[17:51] GINTOKI
    so before I knew it, they disappeared.
[17:54] SHINPACHI
    They didn't just happen to disappear!
[17:55] SHINPACHI
    You still have some terrifying pictures!
     Black Dragon is drowning here!
[18:00] ---
    Well, that's when I decided to
    partner up with Furuhashi-san,
[18:03] ---
    who was like our mascot.
[18:05] ---
    How was he like a mascot?!
[18:06] ---
    He's all macho!
[18:08] ---
    If you run as a trio,
[18:09] ---
    you're stuck with an odd
    number to work with.
[18:12] ---
    Partners.  Duo.  Two.
[18:14] ---
    That's how to roll.
[18:15] ---
    Once we teamed up, it was all like...
[18:18] ---
    We were rocking so hard that
    City Hunter would be shocked.
[18:22] ---
    We were pulled in every direction.
[18:24] ---
    That was probably the busiest
    I've ever been in my life.
[18:26] ---
    You spent all your
    time hitting on girls!
[18:29] ---
    Hard work doesn't always
    pay off in this world.
[18:32] ---
    You didn't land a single one?
[18:35] ---
    There were times when
    we stumbled and fell,
[18:37] ---
    but we stood back up
[18:39] ---
    because we still had each other.
[18:42] ---
    Wait, who took all these pictures?
[18:44] ---
    I'm having a hard time
    believing that someone would
[18:46] ---
    waste their time photographing
    a couple dregs.
[19:00] ---
    Yeah...  The stars were
    really pretty that night..
[19:03] SHINPACHI
    What are you doing?!
[19:07] SHINPACHI
    We were gonna wrap this up all nice,
    but it's been filthy all the way through!
[19:11] KAGURA
    Don't you have even one
    or two nice stories?!
[19:16] SHINPACHI
    Now I know that Odd Jobs doesn't
    have anything good in its history!
[19:20] KAGURA
    If we leave it up to him, he'll take us
    straight down the road to destruction!
[19:24] SHINPACHI
    Let's handle the Odd Jobs without him.
[19:27] KAGURA
    We're going to make history!
[19:29] KAGURA
    It's the supporting characters who keep
    a series afloat, not the main character!
[19:33] SHINPACHI
    That's right. The main character
    is just an ornament.
[19:36] SHINPACHI
    People in high positions
    don't understand that.
[20:03] GINTOKI
    Ow, ow, ow. They really kicked my ass!
    Don't they know how to hold back?
[20:15] GINTOKI
    What is it?
[20:36] GINTOKI
    I hope next year will be a good one!
SIGN    [A few years later]
[20:46] MANAGER
    No, you idiot!  Not that one!
    It's right there. There!
[20:49] MANAGER
    Even a chimp can work a cash register!
[20:53] MANAGER
    You're a human, right?
[20:54] MANAGER
    You've been here for a year!
    How can you not know this?!
[20:58] ---
    I...I'm sorry. I've only
    pro...practiced long-range fires up till now...
[21:04] MANAGER
    You bastard! Still clinging to your gun!
[21:08] MANAGER
    I don't care if you're
    a hitman or a hit-maker.
[21:10] MANAGER
    How long are you going to
    act like a cool guy, huh?!
[21:16] KANEMARU
    Katana, samurai?!
[21:23] GINTOKI
    Blah, blah, blah! Just look at this.
[21:27] GINTOKI
    Because of you guys... my
    awesome chocolate parfait
[21:30] GINTOKI
    spilled on the floor!
[21:34] KANEMARU (mono)
    He was called a samurai, but
    he was too wild for the norm.
[21:40] KANEMARU (mono)
    Even though he was called a hoodlum,
[21:43] KANEMARU (mono)
    this man had eyes that were
    sharp with seriousness.
[21:48] KANEMARU (mono)
    That was my first impression
    to the "otoko."
[21:52] GINTOKI
    Tell your manager that
    this parfait is on you.
[23:26] Gin
    The second movie will
    be released next year.
[23:29] Gin
    Thank you, gorilla author!
[23:31] Gin
    And have a happy new year, everyone!
SIGN    Next Episode
[23:35] Tsu
    Who is that?
[23:38] Shin
    That's the former Shogun.
SIGN    Courtesan of a Nation Arc
[23:44] Kagu
    Soyo-chan!
[23:46] Soyo
    It's been so long!
[23:48] A
    Stay out of this, unless you
    want to get yourself destroyed.
[23:52] B
    I see...  So Suzuran is still around...
[23:56] Hiji
    Go commit a crime that's
    worthy of this punishment.
[23:59] Gin
    Too late.
[24:00] Gin
    I already made a promise.
SIGN    Courtesan Turns the Tables
[24:04] ---
    

E257 - Courtesan turns the tables
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:32] Suzu
    I loathe the moon.
[01:36] Suzu
    With nightfall, it brings you to me,
[01:40] Suzu
    but it also takes you from
    me when dawn breaks.
[01:44] Suzu
    I wish the moon would never leave us.
[01:48] Suzu
    Then you would always be here with me.
[01:53] A
    The moon will come with the night again.
[01:56] A
    And someday, when it does,
[01:59] ---
    I will take you with me in the morning.
[02:01] A
    Wait before the cherry blossom tree
[02:03] ---
    on the night of the next full moon.
[02:15] Suzu
    Do you promise?
[02:17] A
    I promise.
[02:22] Both
    Promise.
[02:24] Suzu
    I'll be waiting
[02:27] Suzu
    for the moon to rise
[02:28] Suzu
    forever.
[02:33] Gin
    The legendary courtesan?
[02:35] Tsu
    You don't know of her?
[02:37] Tsu
    The other lady of Yoshiwara,
[02:39] Tsu
    the courtesan Suzuran.
[02:41] Gin
    Why is she legendary?
[02:42] Gin
    Is she a descendant of Erdrick?
[02:43] Gin
    From Hand of the Heavenly Courtesan?
[02:45] Hino
    I'm not talking about Nera.
[02:47] Gin
    Nera? I was talking about Bianca.
[02:49] Hino
    Don't forget about Debora.
[02:51] Tsu
    Uh, none of them matter.
[02:53] Hino
    The courtesan Suzuran.
[02:55] Hino
    Her beauty was said
    to come from the heavens.
[02:57] Hino
    No one could rival her
    in song or dance.
[03:01] Hino
    Many elite officials sought Suzuran's
    favor by offering her great wealth,
[03:05] Hino
    but most were sent home
    after a cup of tea.
[03:08] Gin
    Sounds like she was beautiful
    enough to topple nations.
[03:12] Gin
    The other lady of Yoshiwara
    isn't toppling nations
[03:15] ---
    so much as toppling from
    the weight of her makeup.
[03:17] Hino
    Oh, sorry.
[03:19] Hino
    My hand slipped.
[03:20] Hino
    Must be because our nation
    is toppling over.
[03:21] Gin
    But it sounds like she's
    no longer around.
[03:25] Gin
    I would have liked to
    enjoy her company once.
[03:28] Hino
    You're more than welcome.
[03:31] Hino
    You're such a fool.
[03:33] Hino
    The legendary courtesan was
    the one who invited you here.
[03:36] Hino
    She wants to meet the
    savior of Yoshiwara.
SIGN    Courtesan Turns the Tables
[03:49] Gin
    This should be good enough?
[03:51] Gin
    But wait...
[03:53] Gin
    Maybe I should...
[03:54] Tsu
    It doesn't matter!
[03:55] Tsu
    Aren't you getting ahead of yourself?
[03:57] Gin
    This is important though.
[03:59] Gin
    We're talking about a
    legendary courtesan.
[04:01] Gin
    If I screw something up, this won't
    be a Yoshiwara night anymore!
[04:04] Gin
    It'll be Tsukiji instead!
[04:05] Gin
    I'll turn into a dead fish!
[04:06] Tsu
    Don't worry. Nothing like
    that is going to happen.
[04:11] A
    Lady Suzuran has arrived!
[04:14] Hino
    Oh, she's here.
[04:20] ---
    Here she comes...
[04:21] Gin
    Here she comes! Here she comes!
[04:23] Suzu
    H-Hello.
[04:28] Suzu
    It is an honor to meet you.
[04:31] Suzu
    I am Su-Suzura...
[04:34] Suzu
    Huh?
[04:36] Suzu
    Who am I?
[04:39] Hino
    Allow me to introduce you.
[04:40] Hino
    This is the legendary
    courtesan, our elder.
[04:44] Hino
    The courtesan Lady Suzuran.
[04:54] Tsu
    Hey, where do you think you're going?
[04:55] Gin
    Just over to Tsukiji.
[04:57] Gin
    Er, sorry.
[04:58] Gin
    I heard she was a courtesan, but she
    was toppling more than I thought.
[05:01] Gin
    I didn't think she would be
    completely toppled over.
[05:03] Gin
    You said that this is
    the legendary what?
[05:05] Gin
    Lady Boomerang?
[05:06] Tsu
    Lady Suzuran.
[05:09] Gin
    You girls are mean.
[05:11] Gin
    You made it sound like she
    was working with you.
[05:14] Suzu
    U-Um, I'm still on the job.
[05:18] Gin
    What?!
[05:18] Suzu
    I don't mean to brag,
[05:21] ---
    but I've been working here since before
    Yoshiwara moved underground.
[05:25] Gin
    You're the one who's going
    to be put underground soon!
[05:28] Suzu
    I may be older now,
[05:30] Suzu
    but my technique is just as
    good as those younger girls!
[05:35] Gin
    What kind of technique is this?!
[05:38] Suzu
    Please come over here, savior...
[05:43] Suzu
    Huh?
[05:43] Suzu
    Who are you?
[05:45] Gin
    Sakata Gintoki!
[05:47] Suzu
    Oh, I wanted to thank you.
[05:53] Suzu
    Please drink until you knock
    yourself out tonight.
[05:57] Gin
    This lady's spilling the whole bottle!
[06:00] Suzu
    Huh? It's empty.
[06:02] Suzu
    You drink fast.
[06:03] Gin
    Are you listening to me, lady?!
[06:05] Suzu
    Please knock yourself out tonight.
[06:10] Gin
    Lady, you've knocked yourself
    out, so can I go?!
[06:15] Hino
    Behold Lady Suzuran's famous dancing.
[06:17] Hino
    Look at her break dance.
[06:19] Gin
    Wait, she's break dancing?
[06:21] Gin
    It looks like she's having a breakdown!
[06:23] Gin
    This is bad!
[06:25] Gin
    Should we call an ambulance?
[06:26] Suzu
    Y-You're too hasty.
[06:28] Suzu
    Why don't we get to bed then?
[06:30] Gin
    No!
[06:32] Hino
    Here is your bed.
[06:35] Gin
    What kind of bed is that?!
[06:38] Suzu
    I-I truly enjoyed our
    time together today.
[06:42] Gin
    What?!
[06:43] Gin
    You don't look like
    you enjoyed yourself!
[06:44] Suzu
    Thank you for being my last visitor.
[06:49] Gin
    Don't jinx yourself!
[06:51] Suzu
    You're so kind.
[06:54] Suzu
    You're showing so much
    concern for an old woman.
[07:00] Suzu
    Can you make me a promise then?
[07:06] Suzu
    Come see me again when the moon rises.
[07:11] Suzu
    I'll be waiting
[07:15] Suzu
    for the moon to rise
[07:17] Suzu
    forever.
[07:27] Hino
    That's known as a lovers' pact.
[07:29] Hino
    Long ago, the women of Yoshiwara would
[07:32] ---
    exchange vows of love
    with their customers.
[07:35] Hino
    My love belongs only to you.
[07:37] Hino
    I will never be unfaithful to you.
[07:40] Hino
    As proof, the women would offer
    their hair, nails, and blood.
[07:48] Hino
    Sadly, most of the
    women made these pacts
[07:50] ---
    to squeeze more money
    from their customers.
[07:56] Gin
    She's as good as they claim, then.
[07:59] Gin
    That old woman had a man's hair
    wrapped around her pinky.
[08:03] Hino
    She refused to retire,
[08:05] Hino
    even after she no longer had
[08:07] ---
    any customers and
    Yoshiwara was set free.
[08:09] Hino
    She offered to do anything
    if we let her stay here.
[08:12] Hino
    And she intends to spend the rest
    of her life here as a prostitute.
[08:17] Hino
    She made a promise long ago
[08:20] ---
    when Yoshiwara was still on the surface.
[08:23] Hino
    A promise to leave
    Yoshiwara together...
[08:27] Hino
    Judging from her behavior,
[08:29] ---
    she must have mistaken you for that man.
[08:32] Tsu
    Do you mean that
[08:33] ---
    Suzuran has been waiting here
    all this time for that man?
[08:36] Hino
    I don't know.
[08:37] Hino
    But Yoshiwara has always been a place
[08:39] ---
    where men and women lie to each other.
[08:41] Hino
    Everyone knows that these dreams
[08:43] ---
    will not last beyond morning.
[08:45] Hino
    But we all continue to act our roles.
[08:48] Hino
    It's your own fault if you
    choose to believe that dream.
[08:51] Hino
    But some may not wish to
    awaken from that dream.
[08:55] Hino
    She wishes to sleep inside her
    dream, under the moonlight.
[09:03] A
    Suzuran?
[09:04] A
    My late lech of a grandpa
    mentioned her before.
[09:07] B
    Yes, I remember her.
[09:08] B
    She was a fine woman.
[09:10] B
    But she was out of my league.
[09:12] B
    I would have loved a chance
    with Suzuki Ranran.
[09:16] C
    Yes, she was incredibly popular.
[09:19] C
    But personally, I was
    more of a Miki-chan fan
[09:21] ---
    than a Ran-chan fan
[09:22] C
    when it came to the Candies.
[09:24] D
    I would totally lay Pink Lady.
[09:27] E
    I would totally lay you.
[09:30] F
    I just want one last lay,
    I don't care who...
[09:35] Gin
    I'm a fan of Ketsuno Ana.
[09:37] Gin
    Wait, I don't mean that like it sounded...
[09:39] Gin
    Kshatriya!
[09:41] Tsu
    Hey, what do you think you're doing?
[09:44] Gin
    Why are you sneaking around
[09:45] ---
    asking old men who they want to lay?
[09:48] Tsu
    It's not my fault those perverted
    leches got distracted!
[09:51] Gin
    Are you looking for the
    old woman's darling?
[09:56] Gin
    Are you girly enough to think that the
[09:58] ---
    man still remembers an ancient promise?
[10:00] Tsu
    Who are you calling girly?!
[10:02] Tsu
    I'm the leader of the
    Hyakka, Lady Death!
[10:05] Tsu
    I came to the surface for a
    new pipe, but I got lost,
[10:09] ---
    and when I asked for directions...
[10:10] Tsu
    Um...
[10:11] A
    Boss!
[10:12] A
    We have information on Suzuran!
[10:14] Tsu
    Shut up!
[10:15] Gin
    Huh? Why are you telling
    them to shut up?
[10:18] Gin
    Did you come to the surface to buy
    girly stuff to make yourself pretty?
[10:20] Gin
    You're such a girl.
[10:21] Tsu
    No! I'm buying non-girly stuff
    to make myself not pretty!
[10:25] Tsu
    Get back to shopping!
[10:26] A
    Huh? Shopping?
[10:27] B
    For what?
[10:28] Gin
    Yeah, you women are hopeless.
[10:30] Gin
    That old woman was hoodwinked.
[10:34] Gin
    I feel sorry for you women.
[10:37] Shin
    Gin-san!
[10:38] Shin
    We have information on the old lady!
[10:41] Gin
    Shut up!
[10:42] Tsu
    Oh, I see.
[10:43] Tsu
    Fancy that.
[10:44] Tsu
    So you're also doing
    some secret shopping.
[10:46] Gin
    I'm buying manly stuff!
[10:48] Gin
    To make my curly hair manly!
[10:50] Gin
    So shut up!
[10:52] Tsu
    You shut up!
[10:53] Shin
    Can you cut it out?
[10:55] Shin
    Both of you are so stubborn.
[10:57] Kag
    Gin-chan and Tsu-ki
    both want to help the
[10:59] ---
    old lady meet her darling
    before she dies, right?
[11:02] Both
    What?
[11:04] Shin
    Huh? Don't you?
[11:06] Tsu
    I just wanted to make that man pay
[11:08] ---
    for toying with the heart
    of a Yoshiwara woman.
[11:11] Tsu
    When Suzuran dies,
[11:13] Tsu
    that man will also die.
[11:15] Shin
    This woman's up to no good!
[11:18] Gin
    I made her a promise.
[11:21] Gin
    If I find the man,
[11:23] Gin
    she'll give me all of her wealth.
[11:25] Shin
    Don't lie!
[11:26] Shin
    Don't make up promises!
[11:29] Shin
    So both of you are plotting evil!
[11:32] Tsu
    What do you mean?
[11:33] Tsu
    I'm going to end his life.
[11:35] Gin
    I won't let that happen. The
    lady's money will be mine.
[11:37] Shin
    Hold on! Wait!
[11:39] Shin
    You need to show more respect, Gin-san!
[11:41] A
    Respect isn't the only thing
    you need to show, boss!
[11:44] Gin
    Huh? What are you talking about?
[11:47] Shin
    Well, we were able to obtain
[11:49] ---
    information on Suzuran-san's
    former customer.
[11:51] A
    But this customer is big trouble.
[11:55] Shin
    Long ago, Suzuran-san had many wealthy
[11:58] ---
    retainers as her customers.
[12:00] Shin
    But they all suddenly
    stopped visiting her.
[12:04] Shin
    It was because of a certain rumor
    going through Yoshiwara.
[12:06] Shin
    Suzuran-san was the
    favorite of that man.
[12:09] Tsu
    That man?
[12:11] Tsu
    Who was he?
[12:13] Shin
    It's the man
[12:16] Shin
    who lives over there.
[12:20] Gin
    Shinpachi-kun, are
    you saying that...
[12:24] Shin
    The former shogun.
[12:33] Gin
    Pachi-boy, can I ask you a question?
[12:35] Gin
    What will happen to us if
    we're caught sneaking
[12:37] ---
    into the castle to see
    the former shogun?
[12:39] Shin
    We'll be executed.
[12:41] Gin
    What will happen if we wait for
    the shogun to step outside?
[12:44] Shin
    We'll be executed.
[12:45] Gin
    Between the old former courtesan and the
[12:48] ---
    old former shogun, who has more money?
[12:51] Shin
    Should be the shogun.
[12:53] Gin
    Okay, I have a plan.
[12:56] Gin
    Tsukuyo will sneak past the
    guards into the palace.
[12:59] Gin
    Then I report her to the guards and
[13:01] ---
    receive a reward from the shogun.
[13:03] Gin
    A perfect plan!
[13:06] Tsu
    This seems more perfect to me.
[13:09] Gin
    Calm down, Tsu-ki.
[13:11] Gin
    We're talking about the former shogun.
[13:13] Gin
    It'll be hard enough to announce
    ourselves, let alone meet him.
[13:16] Gin
    What would we say if we met him, anyway?
[13:19] Tsu
    That his former lover is
    waiting for him in hell.
[13:21] Gin
    This is bad.
[13:23] ---
    She's going to get us arrested
    for assassinating the shogun!
[13:26] Shin
    So we won't be able to sneak inside?
[13:28] Gin
    They've got guards everywhere.
[13:30] Gin
    Something must have happened.
[13:32] Gin
    Besides, even if that
[13:33] ---
    old woman used to be the
    top courtesan in Edo,
[13:36] Gin
    the shogun wouldn't go to
    Yoshiwara to visit her.
[13:40] Shin
    The shogun was Suzuran-san's customer
[13:43] ---
    before he became the shogun.
[13:46] Shin
    And didn't you know, Gin-san?
[13:49] Shin
    You haven't heard about the
    13th shogun, Sadasada-sama?
[13:54] Shin
    When the Amanto attacked,
[13:55] ---
    he replaced the 12th shogun
    who collapsed from the stress.
[14:00] Shin
    While he was called a traitor
    for opening up control,
[14:04] Shin
    he's considered a brilliant
    leader who rebuilt the bakufu.
[14:07] Shin
    Even after abdicating,
[14:09] ---
    he holds incredible influence
    and serves as an advisor.
[14:13] Shin
    He was known to be a player
[14:15] Shin
    with the highest number of wives
    ever recorded in the family.
[14:19] Gin
    So he went Abarenbo Shogun
    every Saturday at 8 PM?
[14:23] Shin
    He went Abarenbo Shogun
    every night at 8 PM.
[14:30] Tsu
    He used his position to toy with
    Suzuran, then he tossed her aside.
[14:35] Tsu
    My target is the former shogun.
[14:38] Gin
    Could you not use the word target?
[14:40] Tsu
    I understand that this is reckless.
[14:42] Tsu
    Nevertheless, I must go.
[14:44] Gin
    Hey!
[14:45] Tsu
    The woman devoted her
    life to Yoshiwara.
[14:48] Tsu
    Yoshiwara must return the favor.
[14:51] Tsu
    She no longer needs the moon to
    show her dreams that won't last.
[14:55] Tsu
    The last moon she sees will
    be when her dream comes true.
[15:00] Shin
    Tsukuyo-san...
[15:03] Kag
    Wait, Tsu-ki!
[15:06] Kag
    There's nothing reckless
    about that dream.
[15:13] A
    Open the gates!
[15:22] B
    Attention!
[15:24] B
    Princess Soyo has arrived!
[15:26] Soyo
    Kagura-chan!
[15:27] B
    Your Highness, behave yourself!
[15:29] Kag
    Soyo-chan!
[15:31] Soyo
    It's been forever!
[15:32] Soyo
    How have you been?
[15:34] Kag
    I'm doing just fine.
[15:35] Kag
    And you look like
    you're in good shape.
[15:38] B
    Your Highness, it's not proper
    to embrace someone in public.
[15:38] Soyo
    I've been so lonely since 
    the last time you came.
[15:41] Soyo
    Oh, did you bring me the new
    sukonbu like you promised?
[15:44] Soyo
    Yup!
[15:44] Gin
    Huh? What's that? Who's that?
[15:46] Gin
    Clara and Heidi?
[15:48] Shin
    If my memory serves me right,
[15:50] ---
    that's Princess Soyo, the younger
    sister of the current shogun.
[15:53] Gin
    If my memory serves me right,
[15:54] ---
    the princess wouldn't
    be yodeling with Heidi.
[15:59] Gin
    No way. When did she
    score a connection
[16:01] ---
    with the princess of this country?
[16:03] Gin
    When did she become more
    influential than I am?
[16:05] Gin
    This is how Alm-Onji must have felt.
[16:07] Gin
    He couldn't be happy for Heidi when
[16:09] ---
    she came back from
    Frankfurt all grown up.
[16:12] Shin
    Alm-Onji wasn't that mean.
[16:15] Kag
    I brought my friends
    today. Is that okay?
[16:18] Soyo
    Of course.
[16:19] Soyo
    Your friends are my friends.
[16:22] Soyo
    Thank you for coming to visit today.
[16:24] Soyo
    You must be Gin-chan.
[16:25] Gin
    Huh? You know me?
[16:27] Soyo
    Yes, Kagura-chan has
    told me all about you.
[16:30] Soyo
    I'm honored to meet you.
[16:32] Gin
    N-No, I'm the one who's honored.
[16:34] Gin
    You've done a lot for Kagura.
[16:36] Soyo
    You weren't lying about
    how shaggy he is.
[16:38] Gin
    Uh, Kagura-chan? What have
    you been telling her?
[16:41] Soyo
    So the glasses wearing the
    human are Pachi-boy-san?
[16:43] Shin
    Glasses wearing the human?!
[16:45] Shin
    That's backwards!
[16:46] Shin
    What have you been
    telling her about me?!
[16:48] Soyo
    Who is this woman?
[16:50] Kagura
    She came from Yoshiwara to
    knock off the shogun...
[16:54] Soyo
    Yoshiwara? Knock off?
[16:57] Tsu
    No, I'm... You know...
[16:59] Gin
    She's a delivery hell girl who came from
[17:02] ---
    Yoshiwara to knock out the shogun.
[17:03] Tsu
    How is that any better?!
[17:04] Soyo
    So she's a delivery hell girl.
SIGN    Delivery Hell
[17:07] Tsu
    It still sounds like I'm
    delivering him to hell!
[17:10] Soyo
    I'm sorry.
[17:11] ---
    You came to visit me, but
    we have to sneak around.
[17:14] Soyo
    Sorry about this, Grampy.
[17:17] G
    I'm used to your willful behavior.
[17:19] G
    At least you haven't run
    away from the palace again.
[17:23] Shin
    Uh, did something happen?
[17:25] Soyo
    The palace is currently
    under martial law.
[17:28] G
    Your Highness! That's classified!
[17:29] Soyo
    We can tell them.
[17:32] Soyo
    Lately, somebody has been attacking
    important bakufu officials,
[17:38] Soyo
    so the palace is really
    tense right now.
[17:41] Shin
    S-Sorry, it looks like
    we came at a bad time.
[17:46] Soyo
    No, it's perfectly fine.
[17:48] Soyo
    I couldn't stand the gloomy
    atmosphere much longer.
[17:52] Sasa
    I see. I have no choice then.
[17:56] Sasa
    Under normal circumstances, I would
    tell these visitors to leave,
[17:58] ---
    friends of the princess or not.
[18:01] Sasa
    But I'll make an exception
    in this case.
[18:05] Sasa
    Since one of my e-mail buddies is here.
[18:07] Gin
    Holy!
[18:08] G
    Sasaki-dono!
[18:10] G
    Forgive me, these are...
[18:12] Sasa
    No, it's fine.
[18:15] Sasa
    Since the Mimawarigumi has been
[18:16] ---
    entrusted to protect the palace,
[18:18] ---
    the princess is perfectly safe.
[18:22] Sasa
    And since we've determined
[18:24] ---
    that the assailant is most
    likely a Joi patriot,
[18:27] Sasa
    it shouldn't matter if a former
    Joi is allowed inside the palace.
[18:31] Sasa
    Isn't that right, White Yaksha?
SIGN    From: Sabu-chan Subject: Your New Phone
[18:33] Sasa
    "Throwing away your phone was mean.
[18:35] Sasa
    I'll give you a new one,
    so e-mail me again."
[18:38] G
    Your Highness, please be quiet!
[18:41] G
    If you cause any fuss, I, Rotten
    Maizo, will lose my head.
[18:45] Kag
    Soyo-chan, what do you
    want to do today?
[18:47] Kag
    We can play tag.
[18:48] Soyo
    Yes, yes!
[18:48] G
    Were you listening to me?
[18:50] Kag
    You whine too much, old man!
[18:52] G
    Don't call me an old man!
[18:55] Gin
    This isn't good.
[18:56] Tsu
    Do you know that man?
[18:58] Gin
    We made it inside the palace,
[19:01] Gin
    but we've got a pesky
    watchdog on our tail now.
[19:06] Sasa
    "Nobu-tasu's guarding
    the princess right now,
[19:08] ---
    so if you try anything
    funny, you'll be killed.
[19:10] Sasa
    Be careful."
[19:12] Shin
    We could ask the princess to help us.
[19:15] Gin
    How are we supposed to explain
    Yoshiwara to that innocent girl?
[19:20] Gin
    And we've got Grampy and the
    watchdog monitoring us.
[19:24] Tsu
    That means we need to lose
    Grampy and the watchdog
[19:27] ---
    before we can freely
    move around the palace.
[19:29] G
    I won't let you play
    tag! It's not proper!
[19:32] Kag
    You're so pissy!
[19:34] Kag
    That's why you're known as "Gram-pee."
[19:37] G
    That's what Grampy stands for?
[19:39] Soyo
    That's wrong, Kagura-chan.
[19:40] Soyo
    The Gram is short for Grand,
[19:42] Soyo
    so it's "Grand-pee."
[19:44] G
    Your Highness! That's worse!
[19:47] Tsu
    Enough of this, Kagura.
[19:50] Kag
    Tsu-ki...
[19:51] Tsu
    If we play tag under the
    current circumstances,
[19:53] ---
    we'll be making more
    trouble for the guards.
[19:55] G
    See? Did you hear that, Your Highness?
[19:57] G
    This is how grown-ups should act.
[19:58] Tsu
    Instead, you should keep it
    quiet and play kick the can.
[20:01] Gin
    Wait, how does that make sense?!
[20:04] Tsu
    If you play tag, you'll be running
    around and making a lot of noise.
[20:06] Tsu
    But kick the can is similar
    to hide-and-seek.
[20:09] Tsu
    There shouldn't be too much noise.
[20:10] Both
    Makes sense!
[20:11] Both
    Wait, you're missing the point!
[20:13] Gin
    Is she going to use hide-and-seek as an
[20:16] ---
    excuse to shake Grampy and the watchdog?
[20:18] Shin
    Grampy's not going to accept that!
[20:20] G
    It's not proper for Your
    Highness to kick cans!
[20:23] Shin
    See?
[20:24] G
    If you want to kick cans,
[20:27] G
    you should kick me instead!
[20:28] Shin
    What?!
[20:29] Gin
    Hey! Grampy's the worst offender here!
[20:31] G
    Now step on me with your pointy heels!
[20:34] Soyo
    Grand-pee!
[20:35] Nobu
    Wait.
[20:37] Nobu
    Kick the can...
[20:38] Nobu
    Kick the Grampy...
[20:40] Nobu
    I can't allow that.
[20:41] Gin
    Damn, here she comes!
[20:44] Nobu
    Let's play cut the Grampy.
[20:45] Gin
    You're joining in?!
[20:47] Gin
    What's cut the Grampy?!
[20:49] Gin
    Some kind of killing game?!
[20:50] Soyo
    Are you going to play
    with us, Nobume-san?
[20:54] Soyo
    Yay!
[20:55] Nobu
    This is more pointy than her heels.
[20:57] G
    Uh, it's too pointy!
[20:58] G
    I'll take a grand piss on that idea!
[21:01] Gin
    Both Grampy and the
    watchdog are joining in!
[21:04] Gin
    Wait, wait, wait.
[21:06] Gin
    A guard shouldn't be doing this.
[21:08] Gin
    Grampy's going to die, so
    we should change the rules.
[21:11] Nobu
    Then I'm It.
[21:12] Nobu
    I'll cut down everyone I find.
[21:14] Gin
    That'll mean more casualties!
[21:16] Gin
    Are you that eager to cut people?!
[21:19] Nobu
    Hurry up and kick the can.
[21:21] Gin
    Wait!
[21:22] Gin
    Why are you starting already?!
[21:25] Tsu
    Gintoki!
[21:26] Tsu
    Kick the can as far as
    you can to buy time!
[21:29] Gin
    Shut up!
[21:30] Gin
    Why do I have to buy you
    guys time to run away?!
[21:33] Gin
    Damn it all!
[21:34] Gin
    I'll lose my head anyway when they
[21:36] ---
    find out we're sneaking 
    around the palace!
[21:38] Gin
    In that case, I'll kick it good!
[21:44] Gin
    Go!
[21:49] Shogun
    You're being too noisy, Soyo.
[21:51] Shogun
    Honestly, when will you realize that
[21:54] ---
    you are the Shogun's younger sister...
[22:06] Gin
    It-It-It...
[22:09] Gin
    It's the shogun?!
SIGN    To be continued...
[23:45] Gin
    Guess what?
[23:46] Gin
    This spring...
[23:47] Gin
    No, this summer, the second
    movie will be hitting theaters!
[23:51] Kag
    Yay! So spring...
[23:52] Kag
    I mean, summer is when it finally happens!
[23:55] Kag
    Time to celebrate!
[23:56] Shin
    This doesn't sound very celebratory.
SIGN    Courtesan Turns the Tables!
SIGN    The former shogun arrives
SIGN    right as the current  shogun is taken out!!
SIGN    Given the terrible timing,
SIGN    will Gintoki and crew be  able to ask about Suzuran?!

E258 - Inside the Palace!!
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:32] Gin
    I took him out!
[01:33] Gin
    I took out the shogun!
[01:35] Tsu
    C-Calm down, Gintoki!
[01:36] Tsu
    He's just unconscious!
[01:38] Tsu
    We need to get him help, quick!
[01:39] Nobu
    Found Whitey and Blondie.
[01:41] Gin
    That's not a can!
[01:45] Nobu
    It'll be faster to cut him up.
[01:46] Gin
    Your way of moving faster is too fast!
[01:48] A
    Excuse me, Shogun-sama.
[01:50] A
    The former shogun,
    Sadasada-sama is here.
[01:53] A
    Are you available?
[01:55] Gin
    Is he available?
[01:57] Gin
    That's what I want to know!
[01:59] Gin
    This is a disaster! What the hell 
    do we do about this?!
[02:01] Gin
    We finally found the former shogun,
[02:03] ---
    but the current shogun is flying away!
[02:05] Gin
    Butterflying away in the River Styx.
[02:06] Gin
    At this rate, we'll be 
    butterflying away with him,
[02:08] Tsu
    Calm down!
[02:09] Gin
    so before that, let's start running away!
[02:13] Tsu
    Hey, where are you going?
[02:15] Tsu
    Get back here.
[02:16] Tsu
    Are you gonna give up
    on this perfect chance?
[02:19] Sada
    Is something wrong?
[02:21] Sada
    Shigeshige-san is my nephew.
[02:23] Sada
    I don't need his permission to visit.
[02:25] Sada
    I'm coming in, Shigeshige-san.
[02:27] Gin
    H-Hold on!
[02:36] Shige
    What is the meaning of this?
[02:39] Tsu
    O-Oh no!
[02:40] Tsu
    We said to wait!
[02:43] Tsu
    Shogun-sama is busy right now.
[02:48] Nobu
    Hello, we're Delivery
    Yoshiwara's Nobume...
[02:50] Tsu
    ...and Tsu-ki. It's a pleasure.
SIGN    Inside the Palace!!
[03:00] Sasa
    Found the princess.
[03:03] Sasa
    Shot Grampy.
[03:05] Sasa
    Sorry, but I already found everyone.
[03:08] Sasa
    Forgive me for being an elite.
[03:11] Grampy
    My apologies, Sasaki-dono!
[03:13] Grampy
    We were just...
[03:13] Sasa
    It's fine.
[03:15] Sasa
    But watch where you hide.
[03:19] Sasa
    I almost mistook you for
    a villain and shot you.
[03:22] Shin
    Almost? You nearly shot me to death!
[03:25] Sasa
    Rotten-dono, if you agree
    to take responsibility when
[03:28] ---
    I accidentally kill the princess,
[03:31] Sasa
    we can play another round.
[03:33] Grampy
    We'll stop! We're going to stop!
[03:34] Grampy
    I'm so very sorry!
[03:36] Sasa
    A wise decision.
[03:38] Sasa
    I would expect as much
[03:40] ---
    from Rotten Maizo-dono,
    advisor to the former shogun.
[03:42] Sasa
    I've heard that you gave up your
    left arm to show your loyalty.
[03:48] Shin
    Grampy, you served Sadasada-sama?
[03:51] Grampy
    I-It was a long time ago.
[03:54] Sasa
    It was a tempestuous age of
    political purges within the palace,
[03:59] Sasa
    and Rotten-dono played a pivotal
    role in keeping his master safe.
[04:04] Sasa
    Sadasada-sama's elevation to shogun
[04:07] ---
    was thanks to Rotten-dono's hard work
[04:10] Sasa
    since the other candidates
    were all sent to heaven.
[04:16] Sasa
    Yes, by "heaven," I mean Yoshiwara.
[04:20] Shin
    What do you...
[04:21] Grampy
    Sasaki-dono, could you escort
    these visitors outside?
[04:25] Grampy
    Come with me, Your Highness.
[04:26] Soyo
    Wait, Grampy!
[04:28] Soyo
    Kagura-chan!
[04:29] Kag
    Soyo-chan!
[04:32] Tsu
    Here you are, Shogun-sama.
[04:35] Tsu
    Come on, Shogun-sama.
[04:37] Tsu
    You're spilling everything.
[04:38] Tsu
    You're so hopeless.
[04:41] Gin
    There's no way!
[04:42] Gin
    Not a chance in hell!
[04:44] Gin
    There's no way we can fool him!
[04:46] Gin
    Why are we bothering with this act?
[04:48] Gin
    His eyes are rolled back!
[04:50] Gin
    The former shogun's eyes 
    are also rolled back!
[04:53] Tsu
    Say something! Say something, now!
[04:56] Gin
    I'm not a ventriloquist!
[04:57] Tsu
    Still beats staying quiet! Hurry up!
[05:00] Gin
    Y-Yeah, you gave me a scare
[05:03] Gin
    since you walked in without
    any warning, Uncle!
[05:05] Gin
    Give me a break!
[05:07] Gin
    I look like a fool now!
[05:11] Tsu
    Why are you being so casual?!
[05:13] Tsu
    Act more serious, like the shogun would!
[05:15] Gin
    Bring Genda Tessho-san here, then!
[05:17] Gin
    I don't know how to
    play a serious shogun!
[05:20] Nobu
    My apologies, Dearest Uncle.
[05:22] Gin
    She can mimic voices?
[05:25] Nobu
    I have humiliated myself shogun.
[05:27] Gin
    Huh, shogun?
[05:28] Nobu
    I'm so embarrassed shogun.
[05:30] Gin
    Hey! Why do you end every 
    sentence with shogun?!
[05:33] Nobu
    Please forget what you saw shogun.
[05:35] Gin
    You're sounding like Korosuke now!
[05:37] Gin
    Who are you trying to imitate?!
[05:40] Nobu
    Oh, that's odd.
[05:42] Nobu
    The shogun is talking faster than
    his mouth can move shogun.
[05:45] Gin
    Nobody asked for an 
    Ikkoku-dou impression!
[05:47] Sada
    No, I should be the one apologizing.
[05:51] Sada
    You seemed to frown upon such behavior.
[05:54] Sada
    I did some crazy things when I was young,
    though nothing as bold as this.
[05:59] Gin
    What does he think was going on here?!
[06:01] Sada
    But I'm shocked that the Mimawarigumi
    would allow visitors inside.
[06:05] Sada
    It seems that they aren't
    here to protect us.
[06:09] Sada
    Look at that.
[06:11] Gin
    Huh? Er, can I sit here?
[06:13] Gin
    Can I just stare at his
    receding hairline from here?
[06:15] Tsu
    Of course not!
[06:16] Tsu
    Stand up! Get over there!
[06:17] Sada
    They claim to be training, but
    that's no more than an excuse.
[06:21] Sada
    They're monitoring us.
[06:23] Sada
    You know that the current Bakufu
[06:24] Tsu
    Hey, be careful!
[06:25] ---
    is split between our faction,
    which backs you,
[06:26] Sada
    and the faction that
    wants to make one of
[06:30] ---
    the young Hitotsubashis Shogun, yes?
[06:33] Sada
    The recent assassination victims
[06:35] ---
    have all been members of
    the Hitotsubashi faction.
[06:38] Sada
    That is why they suspect us.
[06:42] Sada
    The Mimawarigumi have strong ties
    to the Hitotsubashi faction.
[06:47] Sada
    They may attempt to make
    false accusations.
[06:52] Sada
    Try not to do anything that would
    attract their attention.
[06:59] Tsu
    Shogun-sama, give me back my underwear!
[07:03] Nobu
    This doesn't seem right.
[07:04] Gin
    Any naughty underwear around shogun?
[07:06] Gin
    Ugh, this stinks!
[07:07] Sada
    Shigeshige-san...
[07:09] Sada
    Was your hair always so bushy?
[07:12] Gin
    Oh, this hair was on her underwear.
[07:14] Sada
    I don't remember that bushy object
    being in this room before.
[07:18] Nobu
    Oh, this hair was always here shogun.
[07:21] Sada
    Honestly, I can't tell if you're
    being resilient or foolish.
[07:25] Gin
    Wait, it worked?
[07:27] Sada
    But try to control yourself.
[07:31] Sada
    I've seen many people ruin
    their lives because of women.
[07:36] Sada
    Yes, beware of courtesans.
[07:41] Tsu
    My Lord.
[07:43] Tsu
    Please forgive my interruption.
[07:46] Tsu
    But there is something I must ask.
[07:48] Tsu
    Do you remember the courtesan Suzuran?
[07:53] Tsu
    No, it doesn't matter if
    you don't remember her.
[07:56] Tsu
    I just... I just...
[07:58] Sasa
    I see.
[08:00] ---
    So you want to know the
    connection between
[08:02] ---
    that courtesan and Sadasada-sama.
[08:04] Shin
    It sounded like you knew something.
[08:07] Sasa
    Let me offer you some advice.
[08:09] Sasa
    Give me your e-mail
    addresses and leave.
[08:12] Shin
    We don't have any!
[08:13] Sasa
    Become my e-mail buddies and leave.
[08:15] Kag
    We'd rather stay strangers!
[08:17] Sasa
    The courtesan who bewitched
    and toppled our very country...
[08:21] Sasa
    Stay out of this, unless you
    want to get yourself destroyed.
[08:25] Sada
    I see...
[08:27] Sada
    So Suzuran is still alive.
[08:34] Sasa
    You're right.
[08:37] Sasa
    Lady Suzuran was Sadasada-sama's
    companion when he was young.
[08:41] Sasa
    However, he wasn't the one
    who fell for her charms.
[08:45] Sasa
    At the time, Yoshiwara was a place for
[08:48] ---
    high-ranking officials
    to meet and socialize,
[08:51] Sasa
    and every man who visited
    was entranced by her.
[08:57] Sada
    Suzuran...
[08:59] Sada
    How could I forget her?
[09:01] Sada
    I could never forget.
[09:04] Sada
    Those eyes shining with kindness...
[09:07] Sada
    The graceful way she moved...
[09:10] Sada
    Her silky hair...
[09:11] Sada
    Glossy lips...
[09:13] Sada
    Supple skin...
[09:18] Sada
    And...
[09:23] Sada
    ...those blood-stained hands.
[09:28] Sada
    I'd love to suck them off again.
[09:33] Sasa
    He was using her.
[09:37] Sasa
    Using her as a tool to
    topple this country.
[09:41] Sasa
    And after becoming shogun,
[09:45] Sasa
    he prepared a puppet to succeed him,
[09:48] Sasa
    so his influence in the
    palace would not wane.
[09:51] Kag
    What about that promise?!
[09:54] Sasa
    Do you really think that man
[09:56] ---
    would grant freedom to a tool
    who knew his secrets?
[09:58] Sasa
    If he ever made such a
    promise, he was lying.
[10:00] Sasa
    It was nothing more than a
    curse to maintain control
[10:04] Sasa
    over his tool.
[10:06] Sasa
    That cunning old man is not
    someone you can handle.
[10:10] Sasa
    You should go home and let
    the elites deal with this.
[10:13] Sasa
    Yoshiwara was only the beginning.
[10:15] Sasa
    This place has become
    his hunting ground.
[10:17] Sasa
    Who knows what might happen to you...
[10:25] Sasa
    I just got a curry udon
    stain out the other day.
[10:28] Sasa
    See? I told you that you
    were asking for trouble...
[10:33] Shin
    Sa-Sasaki-san!
[10:37] Sada
    Yes, I've found some more tools to use.
[10:42] Sada
    Apprehend them.
[10:43] Sada
    These criminals are guilty of
    murdering Bakufu officials
[10:47] ---
    as well as the leader
    of those snooping dogs.
[10:53] Hiji
    Sasaki was taken down.
[10:55] Hiji
    Well, his life was forfeit once he
    let murderers inside the palace.
[11:01] Hiji
    The Mimawarigumi have been
    removed from palace security.
[11:04] Hiji
    It won't be long before they disband.
[11:08] Hiji
    And we've been selected
    to take their place.
[11:11] Hiji
    But something about this stinks.
[11:13] Kondo
    Stinks?! What does?!
[11:14] Hiji
    I hear the alleged criminals in the serial
    Bakufu murders were apprehended,
[11:18] Hiji
    and they'll be executed
    tomorrow morning
[11:20] ---
    without conducting any investigation.
[11:22] Hiji
    It sounds like they're trying
    to cover something up.
[11:26] Kondo
    Oh, whew.
[11:28] Kondo
    I thought he could smell my gas.
[11:29] Hiji
    Kondo-san?
[11:30] Kondo
    R-Right!
[11:32] Kondo
    Something's not right.
[11:33] Kondo
    Let's clean up these murderers.
[11:37] Gin
    Oh! Kondo-kun! Hijikata-kun!
[11:40] Gin
    Fancy meeting you here!
[11:42] Gin
    Perfect timing!
[11:44] Gin
    I need to talk to you.
[11:47] Gin
    I'm gonna kill you, you rotten cops!
[11:49] Gin
    Don't ignore me! Hear me out!
[11:50] Hiji
    It's hopeless. That's some stubborn
    filth they're covered in.
[11:53] Kondo
    That won't ever clean off.
[11:54] Gin
    Everyone! That gorilla pooped a
    little when he farted earlier!
[11:57] Kondo
    How do you know that?!
[11:58] Oki
    It's no use, boss.
[12:02] Oki
    You picked the wrong enemy this time.
[12:05] Oki
    Nobody's going to lend
    an ear to your pleas.
[12:08] Kag
    Then rip off your ear
    and lend it to us!
[12:11] Oki
    Sorry, my ears have a prior engagement.
[12:13] Kag
    Then give me an ear of corn!
[12:14] Oki
    Oh? I see a familiar face in there.
[12:17] Oki
    That's odd. Why is there an
    elite locked up with the scum?
[12:21] Oki
    What will happen to the Mimawarigumi
    if I tell the shogun?
[12:25] Oki
    Oh, yeah.
[12:26] Oki
    Sorry, you guys are
    already finished, regardless.
[12:33] Nobu
    Hand over a Pon De Ring!
[12:35] Oki
    That's what you want?!
    You're ripping me apart!
[12:37] Kag
    Give me my dinner!
[12:40] Shin
    We really picked the wrong
    opponent this time.
[12:44] Shin
    Sasaki-san said that the palace was
    Sadasada's hunting ground now.
[12:49] Shin
    And Sasaki-san was also...
[12:51] Nobu
    He's alive.
[12:52] Nobu
    Isaburo is alive.
[12:56] Tsu
    So it turns out you were right, Gintoki.
[13:00] Tsu
    I was the one blinded by a false dream.
[13:04] Tsu
    Suzuran was waiting for a
    man that doesn't exist.
[13:08] Tsu
    She must have known
[13:10] Tsu
    that refusing Sadasada
    would mean her death.
[13:13] Tsu
    That the promise was meant
    to chain her to Yoshiwara.
[13:19] Tsu
    Suzuran wasn't waiting for anyone.
[13:22] Tsu
    She had no choice but
    to cling to her dreams.
[13:31] Gramp
    Shigeshige-sama!
[13:32] Gramp
    Please reconsider!
[13:35] Gramp
    Those people are Princess
    Soyo's friends!
[13:38] Gramp
    If you must punish someone,
[13:41] Gramp
    please slice off my ass instead!
[13:44] Shogun
    Calm down, Grampy.
[13:46] Shogun
    My uncle was the one
    who saw what happened.
[13:48] Shogun
    I know nothing.
[13:50] Gramp
    But you're the only
    one who can stop him!
[13:54] Sada
    There's no need to worry.
[13:57] Sada
    They are murderers.
[14:00] Sada
    Or are you saying that I'm lying?
[14:05] Gramp
    B-By no means...
[14:09] Sada
    Get some rest, Shigeshige-san.
[14:11] Sada
    This old man will take care
    of everything for you.
[14:18] Kon
    Lord Sadasada?!
[14:20] Kon
    Is that true?!
[14:21] Oki
    I don't know if it's true,
    but that's their story.
[14:26] Kon
    Toshi!
[14:28] Hiji
    So what?
[14:29] Hiji
    Our job is to defend Edo.
[14:32] Hiji
    It's not our problem if those pigs
    want to feed on one another.
[14:36] Kon
    But if we ignore what's happening,
[14:37] ---
    we'll be no better than them!
[14:40] Hiji
    Don't forget that those
    pigs are the only reason
[14:43] Hiji
    we country boys get to play samurai.
[14:46] Kon
    I'm not interested in being a bogus
    samurai that doesn't follow a code!
[14:50] Hiji
    We have to play bogus samurai
    if we want to defend anything!
[14:53] Kon
    Don't you realize that this is what
    we're supposed to be defending!
[14:56] Yama
    Hey! Hold on!
[14:58] Yama
    What are you two doing?!
[15:03] Gin
    Shut up!
[15:04] Gin
    I can't get any sleep, you bastards!
[15:09] Kag
    Soyo-chan!
[15:11] Gin
    Is she going to save us while 
    those fools are fighting?
[15:14] Soyo
    Um, I was having trouble
    falling asleep all by myself.
[15:18] Soyo
    Can I sleep out here?
[15:21] Soyo
    I'd gotten used to Nobume-san
    sleeping with me,
[15:24] ---
    so I was too scared to fall asleep.
[15:26] Shin
    Uh, we're the ones who should
    be too scared to fall asleep.
[15:29] Soyo
    I'm a little nervous since this
    is almost like a sleepover.
[15:32] Shin
    Uh, we're the ones who
    should be nervous.
[15:34] Shin
    We're going to be executed tomorrow.
[15:36] Soyo
    Don't worry.
[15:37] Soyo
    Grampy will prove your innocence.
[15:40] Soyo
    If you still can't fall asleep...
[15:43] Soyo
    I know!
[15:44] Soyo
    I can tell you some bedtime stories
[15:47] ---
    that Grampy told me when I was little.
[15:49] Soyo
    They're so boring that you'll
    fall asleep in no time.
[15:52] Soyo
    Um...
[15:53] Soyo
    Long, long ago...
[15:55] Shin
    How boring do you expect it to be?!
[15:57] Shin
    That's rude!
[15:58] Soyo
    Long, long ago, there was
    a lord and his retainer.
[16:04] Soyo
    The lord's wife was the most
    beautiful princess in the land,
[16:08] Soyo
    and she cared about him very much.
[16:11] Soyo
    But the lord used the
    princess's feelings,
[16:14] Soyo
    threw her in prison, and forced
     her to do terrible things.
[16:19] Soyo
    The princess could only cry
    in her prison every night.
[16:23] Soyo
    The retainer felt sorry for the princess
    and often came to wipe her tears.
[16:30] Soyo
    Yes, for he had fallen in
    love with the princess.
[16:37] Soyo
    However...
[16:39] Sada
    Dispose of Suzuran.
[16:42] Soyo
    The retainer would be
    killed if he didn't obey.
[16:44] Soyo
    But he couldn't bring himself
    to kill the woman he loved.
[16:49] Soyo
    Instead, they made a promise.
[16:52] Soyo
    They would escape together.
[16:54] Soyo
    "I will take you with me on the
    night of the next full moon."
[16:58] Soyo
    And then they exchanged a pinky swear.
[17:02] Soyo
    But he never returned,
[17:07] Soyo
    for the lord already knew about them.
[17:09] Sada
    How long will Suzuran wait for you,
[17:14] Sada
    a man who's long forgotten his promise?
[17:18] Sada
    The woman will wait for 
    the rest of her life
[17:20] ---
    for a man who will never come,
[17:21] Sada
    while the man will live 
    the rest of his life
[17:24] ---
    with the pain of breaking his promise.
[17:27] Sada
    A beautiful story, yes?
[17:30] Soyo
    If the retainer were to go see the
    princess, she would be killed.
[17:33] Soyo
    Their promise was transformed
    into a chain heavier than death.
[17:37] Soyo
    So he swore to himself.
[17:39] Soyo
    It didn't matter how many
    full moons came and went.
[17:42] Soyo
    It didn't matter if they
    were covered in wrinkles.
[17:46] Soyo
    It didn't matter if the
    princess forgot about him.
[17:49] Soyo
    He would live until the day he met her.
[17:52] Soyo
    And so, he continues to live by
    crawling on his three limbs.
[17:58] Sada
    Maizo, I heard something
    fascinating that
[18:01] ---
    I wanted to pass on to you.
[18:03] Sada
    Suzuran is still living in Yoshiwara.
[18:06] Sada
    But she won't survive much longer.
[18:09] Sada
    Do you wish to see her?
[18:11] Sada
    How many full moons have come and gone?
[18:14] Sada
    I suppose it's time to forgive you.
[18:17] Sada
    I'll let you go see her.
[18:19] Sada
    Take responsibility for inviting
    those criminals into the palace.
[18:24] Sada
    Disembowel yourself.
[18:26] Sada
    Suzuran will be waiting
    for you in hell.
[18:30] Soyo
    And the princess and retainer were...
[18:33] Tsu
    Stop.
[18:35] Tsu
    We've heard enough, Your Highness.
[18:37] Soyo
    You weren't able to fall asleep?
[18:39] Gin
    No.
[18:40] Gin
    We already know the rest of the story.
[18:44] Shin
    Can you open the door
    now, Your Highness?
[18:47] Soyo
    Huh? How?
[18:48] Kag
    Over there.
[18:50] Kag
    They were tossed in when you entered.
[18:56] Kon
    What are you waiting for?
[18:58] Kon
    Come out here. It's time
    for your execution.
[19:01] Kon
    Put on your execution clothes.
[19:08] Oki
    Boss, don't forget you
    have an appointment
[19:10] ---
    with the executioner's block.
[19:11] Oki
    Make sure you come back
    with your head attached
[19:15] Oki
    since we'll need to chop it off.
[19:16] Hiji
    Try to commit a crime that's
    worthy of this punishment.
[19:20] Hiji
    What crime will you be guilty of?
[19:23] Gin
    The crime of
[19:25] Gin
    ripping off a lord's
    topknot down there.
[19:28] Kon
    This may be the last
    time we send him off.
[19:33] Nobu
    The same goes for you.
[19:35] Nobu
    Now that you've sided with
    us, there's no turning back.
[19:38] Hiji
    Don't worry about that.
[19:40] Hiji
    If you cause an uproar, that old man
    will start to show his true colors.
[19:45] Hiji
    Once there's no one left to
    interfere, we'll grill him good.
[19:50] Oki
    So you can go die in peace.
[19:53] Oki
    Or do you want me to dispatch you now,
[19:58] Oki
    murderer?
[20:05] Nobu
    Remember this.
[20:07] Nobu
    You have no allies in this palace.
[20:11] Nobu
    If you aren't prepared to take over
    this country, you'll all die.
[20:14] Nobu
    The only difference is that
[20:16] ---
    you'll be eliminated by
    that old man instead of me.
[20:19] Nobu
    If you want to join in the
    battle for this nation,
[20:22] Nobu
    forget about anything
    being black or white.
[20:28] Sada
    What's going on?
[20:30] Sada
    Are there more bandits about?
[20:40] Gin
    Zura would love to see this.
[20:45] Gin
    Who would have thought we'd be trying
[20:47] ---
    to seize this country for
    the sake of an old woman?
[20:50] Shin
    This makes us wanted criminals.
[20:54] Shin
    Sis won't be happy.
[20:55] Kag
    Don't worry, sister lover.
[20:57] Kag
    If there's no place for us
    on Earth, we'll go to space.
[21:01] Gin
    Odd Jobs in space?
[21:03] Gin
    That doesn't sound too bad.
[21:05] Tsu
    The independent city Yoshiwara
    will keep you safe.
[21:09] Gin
    Odd Jobs in Yoshiwara?
[21:12] Tsu
    No, there's a gay bar
    that's understaffed.
[21:15] Soyo
    That means we'll be seizing your
    balls after you seize this country.
[21:19] Kag
    Ow!
[21:21] Kag
    Why did you hit me?!
[21:22] Gin
    Were you the one who
    brought her with us?
[21:24] Gin
    Were you the one who taught
    her those dirty jokes?
[21:26] Kag
    It's your fault for telling dirty
    jokes to innocent little girls!
[21:30] Kag
    Girls our age absorb
    everything like sponges!
[21:33] Gin
    A sponge?! You're more like a
    dirty rag soaked in milk!
[21:35] Kag
    Shut up, toilet paper!
[21:37] Gin
    I at least deserve to be called a rag!
    A rag used to wipe asses!
[21:47] Tsu
    Are you sure about this?
[21:50] Tsu
    You'll be sacrificing
    everything for Yoshiwara.
[21:52] Gin
    It's too late.
[21:55] Gin
    I already made a promise.
[21:57] Tsu
    I see.
[21:59] Tsu
    In that case...
[22:01] Tsu
    Promise me this.
[22:03] Tsu
    We will all return alive.
[22:10] Gin
    It's a promise.
SIGN    To be continued...
[23:45] Gin
    I'm starting to feel the pressure.
[23:47] Gin
    There was the One Piece film
    at the end of the year.
[23:49] Gin
    Then you've got Hunter x Hunter and
    Dragon Ball films in spring, and us in summer.
[23:52] Kag
    We should ask TV Tokyo to show our
    movie with the Pokemon movie.
[23:57] Gin
    That's it!
[23:58] Shin
    That's it, my ass!
SIGN    Five Pinkies
SIGN    The Bakufu army stands in the way.
SIGN    Overwhelming manpower!! Firepower!!
SIGN    Our five heroes have made a promise
SIGN    to seize this country!!

E259 - Five Pinkies
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:01] Sada
    These criminals are guilty 
    of murdering Bakufu officials
[00:04] ---
     as well as the leader 
    of those snooping dogs.
[00:09] Tsu
    Stop.
[00:10] Tsu
    We've heard enough, Your Highness.
[00:12] Gin
    We already know the rest of the story.
[00:14] Hiji
    Try to commit a crime that's
    worthy of this punishment.
[00:18] Hiji
    What crime will you be guilty of?
[00:21] Gin
    The crime of
[00:22] Gin
    ripping off a lord's
    topknot down there.
[00:24] Tsu
    Are you sure about this?
[00:26] Tsu
    You'll be sacrificing
    everything for Yoshiwara.
[00:28] Gin
    It's too late.
[00:30] Gin
    I already made a promise.
[00:33] Tsu
    I see.
[00:34] Tsu
    In that case...
[00:36] Tsu
    Promise me this.
[00:37] Tsu
    We will all return alive.
SIGN    Five Pinkies
[02:17] Gin
    I promise.
[02:19] Gin
    We'll bring the old man
    back to Suzuran together.
[02:22] Nobu
    Finished with your last farewells?
[02:26] Shin
    Nobume-san?
[02:27] Shin
    Are you joining us?
[02:29] Nobu
    As a survivor of the Mimawarigumi,
[02:31] Nobu
    I must fulfill my mission.
[02:34] Nobu
    Besides...
[02:35] Nobu
    I'll get to cut people up.
[02:39] Kag
    Hey!
[02:41] Nobu
    Out of the way, mobs.
[02:43] Kag
    Or else we kill the princess!
[02:44] All
    Your Highness!
[02:46] A
    How dare you disrespect Her Highness?!
[02:48] A
    A hundred executions wouldn't
    be enough to punish this crime!
[02:51] Kag
    Shut the hell up!
[02:52] Kag
    Zip your stinkin' mouths!
[02:54] Nobu
    Every time someone speaks,
    I cut off a finger.
[02:58] Shin
    Gin-san, assuming that
    we manage to survive,
[03:01] Shin
    we won't be able to
    live in Edo anymore.
[03:03] Soyo
    H-Help!
[03:05] Soyo
    Why is this happening to me?!
[03:07] Shin
    This is the only time her
    acting has been believable!
[03:10] Shin
    How are we supposed to explain this?!
[03:13] Nobu
    She said to zip your stinkin' mouth.
[03:15] Soyo
    That applies to me, too?
[03:16] Nobu
    How many times did you speak?
[03:17] Soyo
    I-I don't know...
[03:19] Nobu
    Okay...
[03:20] Nobu
    I don't feel like counting,
    so I'll do this.
[03:22] Shin
    What?!
[03:23] All
    Your Highness!
[03:24] Nobu
    Okay, you talked again,
    so one more time.
[03:26] A
    We understand! Let them pass!
[03:28] Nobu
    Okay, you talked again,
    so one more time.
[03:30] Shin
    Enough! That's enough!
[03:34] Soyo
    That went well.
[03:36] Shin
    No, that did not go well, Your Highness.
[03:39] Shin
    The damage to our reputation
    is irreparable now.
[03:41] Soy
    I was really nervous, but it was funny
[03:43] ---
    how everyone was so surprised, right?
[03:46] Both
    Right.
[03:47] Shin
    The Three Sadisteers can shut up!
[03:49] Tsu
    However, it would be dangerous to
    continue this charade, Your Highness.
[03:51] Tsu
    Please find a place to hide.
[03:53] Soyo
    Please let me help you see this through.
[03:57] Soyo
    I didn't know what I was doing,
[03:59] ---
    but I was the one chaining
    Grampy inside the castle.
[04:02] Soyo
    Grampy probably wanted
    to leave the castle
SIGN    All right!
[04:06] ---
    far more than I did, but
    I never noticed a thing...
SIGN    Behave yourself,  Your Highness!
[04:09] Soyo
    He was always watching over me.
[04:11] Soyo
    So it's my turn to help him.
[04:14] Soyo
    Even if it means he'll
    scold me for misbehaving.
[04:17] Kag
    Soyo-chan...
[04:18] Soyo
    Let's hurry.
[04:19] Soyo
    My uncle is over here.
[04:22] Shin
    Your Highness?!
[04:24] Shin
    Wait!
[04:25] Shin
    She just knocked herself out
    after saying she wanted to help!
SIGN    Odd Jobs
[04:28] Shin
    This looks like a murder scene now!
[04:30] Shin
    And why did she write Odd
    Jobs as her dying message?!
[04:34] Tsu
    We can't let anyone see this!
[04:36] Nobu
    It's faster to destroy the evidence.
[04:37] Tsu
    You're too fast!
[04:39] Gin
    Oops, I really embarrassed myself.
[04:41] Gin
    Wait.
[04:42] Gin
    My embarrassment is faster
    than my mouth can move.
[04:45] Tsu
    Enough with the Ikkoku-dou!
[04:47] All
    What have you bastards done?!
[04:50] Shin
    There's a whole horde coming for us!
[04:52] Kag
    Hold on, Soyo-chan!
[04:54] A
    Kill every single one of the rebels!
[04:57] A
    No mercy for the women and children!
[05:02] Kag
    Women and children?
[05:04] Kag
    That's some big talk!
[05:07] Nobu
    Naturally, that scum
    would be served by scum.
[05:10] Nobu
    This nation has no respect for women.
[05:17] All
    Open fire!
[05:20] Tsu
    Show that you can stop
    the women you sneer at!
[05:25] Tsu
    Show that you can defend the castle
[05:27] ---
    built upon the tears of those women!
[05:30] Tsu
    Since you've forgotten about them,
[05:33] Tsu
    we'll have to remind you!
[05:35] A
    Kill them!
[05:44] Tsu
    These women
[05:46] Tsu
    have come to topple a county.
[05:50] Gin
    Good grief.
[05:51] Gin
    We've got three nation
    breakers with us.
[05:53] Shin
    That sounds tougher than
    taking on the shogun.
[05:57] Gin
    I'll give you some advice.
    Call for reinforcements.
[06:00] Gin
    You might be the shogun's
    personal guards,
[06:03] Gin
    but you're probably too soft from
    all the peace and quiet to take us on.
[06:07] Gin
    Meanwhile, we're still at war,
[06:10] Gin
    fighting for our lives every day
    against those psychos!
[06:33] Kag
    Gin-chan, how many do we each take?
[06:36] Gin
    One hundred, two hundred...
[06:38] Gin
    Forget it. I'm putting myself to sleep.
[06:41] Gin
    Listen up.
[06:42] Gin
    Stay close together.
[06:44] Gin
    Trust the rest of us to watch your back
[06:47] Gin
    and focus on the enemies
    in front of you.
[06:49] Gin
    As long as you're standing,
    we're all standing.
[06:53] Gin
    Become the blade for
    taking down that wall.
[06:56] Gin
    We're gonna crush the
    shogun's silly toy box!
[07:00] Gin
    It's time to seize
[07:01] Gin
    this country!
[07:03] A
    S-Stop them!
[07:05] A
    Form a wall!
[07:06] A
    We can't let these rebels
    get any closer to our lor—
[07:10] Gin
    Weak!
[07:11] Gin
    Weaker than Zazami Original!
[07:14] Gin
    And you call yourselves
    the shogun's samurai?!
[07:19] A
    W-We can't stop them!
[07:20] A
    Not from the front, the
    right, the left, the rear!
[07:24] A
    There's no opening!
[07:25] A
    The five rebels are
    like a giant bullet!
[07:28] B
    Move!
[07:30] B
    We're going to shoot
    down these crazy fools!
[07:37] B
    Fire!
[07:38] B
    Fire! Fire! Fire!
[07:49] B
    W-Watch our flanks!
[08:01] A
    Second round loaded!
[08:03] A
    Blow 'em to smithereens!
[08:23] B
    Again!
[08:24] B
    Hurry up with the next shot!
[08:28] A
    W-Wait! Our comrades are inside!
[08:34] Shin
    That was mean, Kagura-chan!
[08:35] Shin
    Why am I the only one
    getting this treatment?!
[08:37] A
    Shit! They took the cannon!
[08:46] Gin
    We finally made it to
    the shogun's place.
[08:49] Kag
    Huh? I don't see an intercom.
[08:51] Gin
    Oh well.
[08:53] Gin
    We'll have to use this.
[08:54] A
    Wait!
[08:55] A
    Not that!
[08:56] A
    Anything but that!
[08:57] Gin
    Shogun-sama!
[08:58] Gin
    Come out and play!
[09:09] Gin
    Sorry to keep you waiting, Shogun-sama.
[09:12] Gin
    The #1 delivery lady, the courtesan
    Suzuran, has come to see you.
[09:17] Gin
    And it's too late to request a change.
[09:19] Gin
    Did you wash that filthy ass of yours?
[09:22] Gin
    You won't be getting any sleep tonight.
[09:27] Sada
    Life is filled with surprises.
[09:29] Sada
    You must be the first in
    history to insult the Bakufu
[09:32] ---
    and sully the Tokugawa name
    in such a fashion.
[09:37] Sada
    If you intended to beg for mercy,
    you've only added to your crimes.
[09:42] Nobu
    You are the criminal here.
[09:45] Nobu
    I, Imai Nobume, vice-captain
    of the Mimawarigumi,
[09:49] ---
    know everything you've done.
[09:51] Nobu
    Tokugawa Sadasada,
[09:53] Nobu
    you are under arrest for the
    assassination of Bakufu officials.
[09:57] Sada
    A surviving Hitotsubashi
    dog is talking about
[10:01] ---
    judging me in a court of law?
[10:04] Sada
    How can you judge me when
    I rule this country?
[10:08] ---
    When I am the law?
[10:11] Tsu
    If we cannot judge you on the surface,
[10:13] Tsu
    we will judge you underground.
[10:15] Tsu
    The woman's tears you
    spilled in Yoshiwara...
[10:18] Tsu
    The man's blood you spilled...
[10:19] Tsu
    The heavens may forgive you,
[10:22] Tsu
    but the law in Yoshiwara,
    Lady Death, will not.
[10:27] Tsu
    Release that man.
[10:28] Tsu
    Where did you take him?
[10:32] Tsu
    I just asked you a question!
[10:42] Oboro
    When disaster strikes,
[10:44] Oboro
    some choose to curse the heavens.
[10:47] Oboro
    When misfortune befalls you,
[10:50] Oboro
    it is the will of the heavens.
[10:52] Oboro
    The fate the heavens have dealt.
[10:54] Oboro
    You must silently accept that fate.
[10:57] Oboro
    Our blades serve as the
    voice of the heavens.
[11:00] Kag
    Who are they?
[11:01] Nobu
    Be careful. That's not
    your ordinary cult.
[11:04] Nobu
    They're a group of assassins
    who have served
[11:07] ---
    the rulers of this nation from
    the shadows for a long time.
[11:11] Nobu
    Men of taboo who were eliminated
    from central government
[11:14] Nobu
    when we entered a period of peace.
[11:16] Nobu
    When the Oniwabanshu was disbanded,
[11:20] Nobu
    Sadasada turned to them
    for his shady business.
[11:23] Oboro
    We are the Yatagarasu for the heavens.
[11:26] Oboro
    The Tenshoin Naraku.
[11:29] Nobu
    Oboro...
[11:30] Nobu
    The leader of the Tenshoin and
    the strongest Naraku warrior.
[11:34] Nobu
    That man is involved in this?
[11:36] Sada
    The one to judge is heaven.
    In other words, the shogun.
[11:40] Sada
    The earth-crawlers are the
    ones who are judged.
[11:43] Sada
    That is how the world works.
[11:45] Sada
    You are only allowed to
    look up at the heavens.
[11:49] Sada
    However, you need not lament.
[11:51] Sada
    The heavens do not
    always bring disaster.
[11:56] Sada
    The heavens also bring good fortune.
[12:00] Sada
    I believe you were
    looking for that man.
[12:03] Shin
    Gr-Grampy!
[12:05] Sada
    If you can escape alive, you will be
    able to reunite him with Suzuran.
[12:09] Sada
    Though I doubt he will survive
    long enough to reach Yoshiwara.
[12:13] Sada
    Even if he does survive,
[12:18] Sada
    he's lost the pinky he swore on
    and the arm he used to hold her.
[12:24] Sada
    He should just end his miserable life.
[12:27] Sada
    So much for loyalty when he's
    betrayed me not once, but twice.
[12:31] Sada
    The heavens are punishing
    him as a result.
[12:35] Sada
    And now he's literally an
    earth-crawling worm.
[13:01] Gin
    Hey.
[13:03] Gin
    The pinky he swore on is still around.
[13:07] Gin
    He's got five pinkies right
    here that are gonna drag you
[13:11] ---
    from heaven to hell.
[13:29] Grampy
    Wh-What are you...?
[13:31] Tsu
    You've endured so much.
[13:34] Tsu
    You've been through so much.
[13:36] Tsu
    I'm sorry that you had to wait so long.
[13:41] Tsu
    But there's nothing to worry about.
[13:43] Tsu
    The moon you have longed for
[13:45] Tsu
    has risen.
[13:47] Tsu
    In the land where you once made a vow,
[13:50] Tsu
    there is a light that will
    shine through any darkness.
[13:54] Tsu
    This moon will never fall.
[13:58] Tsu
    Shinpachi, Kagura, please guide him.
[14:01] Tsu
    We'll bring up the rear.
[14:03] Nobu
    I'm allowed to cut down
    whoever I want now, right?
[14:06] Tsu
    Yes, do as you please.
[14:08] Tsu
    In the morning, this will have
    been nothing more than a dream.
[14:16] Sada
    You're buying time for
    an old man to escape?
[14:19] Sada
    Do you really think you can escape
[14:22] Sada
    from my grasp?
[14:25] Gin
    I'm not running away.
[14:28] Gin
    Is it gonna be the sun or the
    moon that sits up in the sky?
[14:32] Gin
    Let's settle this once and for all.
[14:34] Gin
    How about it, heavenly errand boy?
[14:47] Tsu
    Let's go!
[15:56] Tsu
    What are you doing, Gintoki?!
[15:57] Tsu
    Pull yourself together!
[15:58] Nobu
    If you want to die, I'll
    cut you up right now.
[16:01] Nobu
    You were hit in a pressure point.
[16:03] Nobu
    By a poisoned needle.
[16:05] Gin
    Is it bad?
[16:06] Nobu
    It'll paralyze you,
[16:08] Nobu
    and kill you if the poison isn't removed.
[16:14] Sada
    You seem to be struggling.
[16:17] Sada
    It's rare to see someone
    last so long against you, Oboro.
[16:26] Oboro
    Actually, it's happened once before.
[16:30] Oboro
    There was a demon who chose
    to oppose the heavens.
[16:40] Oboro
    You still have that same
    look in your eyes,
[16:44] Oboro
    White Yaksha.
[16:45] Gin
    Yo—
[16:48] Gin
    You're...
[16:50] Tsu
    Gintoki?
[16:51] Sada
    Oh? Do you know him, Oboro?
[16:55] Oboro
    My Lord, he is an orphan
    of the Kansei purge.
[16:58] Tsu
    Kansei purge?
[17:01] Sada
    Are you from Yoshiwara?
[17:03] Sada
    Then you wouldn't know.
[17:06] Sada
    The Joi war...
[17:07] Sada
    When the nation was opened
    up, the ignorant samurai
[17:11] ---
    accused the Bakufu of selling
    the country and revolted.
[17:17] Sada
    As our relationship with the Amanto
    soured, we put down the samurai.
[17:22] Sada
    Ever since, this nation has
    been in a state of civil war.
[17:27] Sada
    As the war dragged on, the Amanto
    began intervening in domestic affairs
[17:31] ---
    under the pretense
    of cleansing the rebels.
[17:36] Sada
    Ironic that the Joi revolt led
    to increased Amanto influence.
[17:41] Sada
    And then the Tendoshu instructed
    the Bakufu to initiate
[17:45] ---
    the deadliest cleansing of the
    century, the Kansei purge.
[17:49] Sada
    Every last Joi rebel, from
    the minor agitators to
[17:53] ---
    the public officials, was
    targeted as part of the purge.
[17:57] Sada
    The brutal crackdown led to a
    sharp decline in Joi activity.
[18:03] Sada
    Oboro and his brethren were
    instrumental in that process.
[18:08] Sada
    They were led by his predecessor,
[18:12] ---
    but he was every bit as
    skilled in the martial arts.
[18:17] Oboro
    My Lord, that wasn't the
    end of the samurai.
[18:22] Oboro
    While many samurai threw away their
    swords after losing their leaders,
[18:26] Oboro
    some were plotting to rescue
    one of those captive leaders.
[18:31] Oboro
    They were these men, the ones
    known as the last samurai.
[18:38] Oboro
    They were the students of
[18:40] ---
    the evil criminal who dared
    to oppose the heavens,
[18:43] Oboro
    Yoshida Shoyo.
[18:45] Oboro
    His students took up their swords
    to rescue their teacher.
[18:51] Tsu
    G-Gintoki?
[18:53] Tsu
    You lost your teacher?
[18:56] Oboro
    Do you recall that name, my Lord?
[19:00] Sada
    Yoshida Shoyo...
[19:03] Sada
    Was there such a person?
[19:07] Sada
    Do you think I remember the corpses of
[19:09] ---
    every worm I stomped on my way to power?
[19:11] Sada
    If he happened to be a major
    criminal, I might remember him.
[19:14] Sada
    What was his crime?
[19:18] Oboro
    Actually, I can't recall either.
[19:22] Oboro
    I do remember that he
    taught sword and pen
[19:25] ---
    to some children in the country.
[19:27] Sada
    That was it?
[19:29] Oboro
    However, my Lord, we
    were told to crush such gatherings
[19:33] ---
    as they might foment rebellion.
[19:38] Sada
    I see. And I was correct to order that.
[19:42] Sada
    Yoshida Shoyo...
[19:43] Sada
    His crime was creating
     dissenters like him.
[19:51] Tsu
    Wait, Gintoki!
[19:59] Oboro
    Why is the demon who battled the
    heavens and fell to the ground
[20:03] Oboro
    still wandering around here?
[20:09] Oboro
    Why is the demon who lost everything
    to the heavens still howling at them?
[20:15] Oboro
    You, all of you, should
    have learned your lesson.
[20:19] Oboro
    You can shout, you can scream,
[20:22] Oboro
    but your voices will
    never reach the heavens.
[20:26] Oboro
    And neither will your sobs.
[20:32] Tsu
    Gintoki!
[20:37] Oboro
    Will you make the same mistake
    again, White Yaksha?
[20:41] Oboro
    You can sit there and watch
    until you bleed to death.
[20:44] Oboro
    As everything you tried to
    protect is destroyed again.
[20:50] Oboro
    Shoyo is also watching
[20:53] Oboro
    as the student he sacrificed
    his life to protect
[20:55] Oboro
    falls apart without protecting a thing.
[21:03] Gin
    Don't you leave...
[21:06] Gin
    Don't you leave!
[21:09] Gin
    You bastards are...
[21:18] Tsu
    Gintoki!
[21:27] Shin
    Kagura-chan!
[21:29] All
    Die!
[21:38] Gin
    Move...
[21:43] Gin
    Move!
[21:48] Gin
    Please...
[21:50] Gin
    Move!
[22:00] Kondo
    Excuse me.
[22:01] Kondo
    What are you doing here
    so late at night?
[22:04] Sasa
    Excuse me, could you please
    show me your license?
[22:08] Kondo
    Good evening.
[22:10] Sasa
    This is the police.
SIGN    To be continued...
[23:45] Kag
    I can't wait for summer!
[23:48] Kag
    I'm so excited!
[23:49] Gin
    No kidding. I'm getting
    goosebumps already.
[23:52] Shin
    Yup, when we go to the
    theater this summer...
[23:54] Both
    How many Pokemon will we get?
[23:56] Shin
    You're excited about that one?!
SIGN    Pinky Swear
SIGN    The situation is looking grim
SIGN    when the Shinsengumi and  Mimawarigumi arrive!!
SIGN    The revolt that began with five people
SIGN    will reach its climax next week!!

E260 - Pinky Swear
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:05] Oboro
    Shoyo is also watching
[00:07] Oboro
    as the student he sacrificed
    his life to protect
[00:10] Oboro
    falls apart without protecting a thing.
[00:14] Gin
    Don't you leave...
[00:16] Gin
    Don't you leave!
[00:19] Tsu
    Gintoki!
[00:30] Kondo
    Excuse me.
[00:31] Kondo
    What are you doing here
    so late at night?
[00:34] Sasa
    Excuse me, could you please
    show me your license?
[02:09] Oboro
    Please hurry, My Lord.
[02:11] Sada
    What's the matter, Oboro?
[02:12] Sada
    I was hoping to watch those
    rebels meet their demise.
[02:19] Oboro
    The crows are astir.
[02:21] Oboro
    It appears that there's
    been a shift in the wind.
[02:24] Sada
    What are you talking about?
[02:26] Sada
    Those rebels are already...
[02:33] Kondo
    Good evening.
[02:35] Sasa
    This is the police.
[02:37] Sasa
    What are you people doing?
[02:41] Sasa
    If you screw up...
[02:43] Kondo
    We'll lose our heads!
[02:46] Gin
    Y-You guys...
SIGN    Pinky Swear
[02:58] A
    I-Impossible!
[02:59] A
    Why are the Mimawarigumi
    inside the palace?!
[03:01] B
    What's going on here?!
[03:04] B
    You serve the Bakufu!
[03:06] B
    You're police officers, yet you assist
    the rebels, you traitorous scum?!
[03:10] Kondo
    Assist the rebels?
[03:12] Kondo
    Don't make false accusations.
[03:16] Kondo
    There was an order to execute
    those criminals in the morning.
[03:20] Kondo
    If you're trying to dispatch
    them before the sun is up,
[03:24] Kondo
    you would be the ones
    defying the government.
[03:28] Kondo
    Our lord ordered us to guard
[03:30] ---
    the criminals until the
    execution takes place.
[03:33] Kondo
    In other words, it is our duty
    to protect them until morning.
[03:40] Shin
    K-Kondo-san...
[03:42] A
    You rural samurai don't get to talk!
[03:44] A
    Have you forgotten who let you
    country bumpkins keep your swords?!
[03:48] A
    And now you're biting the
    hand that feeds you!
[03:51] A
    You're lower than rebel
    scum, you animals!
[03:53] Oki
    I'm fine with being an animal.
[03:55] Oki
    Beats being a dog that wags
    its tail at fat pigs.
[04:00] Oki
    When a fat pig is lying
    on the ground before you,
[04:03] Oki
    it gets eaten by
[04:05] Oki
    the wolves.
[04:07] Kag
    Don't call me a pig,
    you punk Chihuahua!
[04:09] Oki
    I wasn't talking about you, Miss Piggy!
[04:11] Kag
    It was about me!
[04:12] A
    Were you the ones who let the
    Mimawarigumi inside the palace?!
[04:15] A
    Has Sasaki joined forces with the
    Shinsengumi to start a coup d'etat?!
[04:22] Hiji
    Who joined forces with who
    to start a what d'etat?
[04:27] Hiji
    Why don't you repeat that?
[04:29] A
    Have you...
[04:31] Hiji
    Eh? I couldn't hear you. What was that?
[04:33] B
    ...and the Mimawarigumi...
[04:35] Hiji
    I said that I can't hear you! Yell it out!
[04:39] C
    ...joined forces?
[04:40] Hiji
    Can't hear a thing! And I'm
    not interested in hearing you!
[04:43] Hiji
    You make me want to throw up!
[04:44] Hiji
    Who would join forces
    with those losers?!
[04:46] Kondo
    Calm down, Toshi.
[04:47] Hiji
    Okay, Kondo-san.
[04:48] Hiji
    We've got them inside the palace.
[04:50] Hiji
    Let's torch 'em with Sadasada!
[04:52] Kondo
    Wait! That wasn't part of the plan!
[04:54] Kondo
    Hell, you're sounding
    like one of the Joi now!
[04:55] A
    Forget it! Kill 'em all!
[04:59] Sasa
    Oh, it appears that
    they've gotten started.
[05:03] Sasa
    As you can see, the palace has
    been surrounded by us elites.
[05:08] Sasa
    I told them to drop their weapons
    and surrender, but I was lying.
[05:13] Sasa
    I've always wanted to say that.
[05:16] Sasa
    Please don't drop your weapons.
[05:19] Sasa
    It would look bad if the cops
[05:21] ---
    were to slaughter a
    bunch of unarmed people.
[05:25] Gin
    Y-You bastard...
[05:27] Nobu
    You're late.
[05:28] Sasa
    I'm so sorry, Nobume-san.
[05:31] Sasa
    Thank you for carrying out your
    mission alone while I was gone.
[05:36] Sasa
    Here's a donut for you.
[05:40] Sasa
    You see, being an elite, I was
    able to avoid a lethal blow,
[05:44] Sasa
    but it took a while to remove
    the poison from my body.
[05:46] Sasa
    Well, it was still easier than
    removing a curry udon stain.
[05:52] Sasa
    And it appears that you took good
    care of our Nobume, Sakata-san.
[05:57] Sasa
    I owe you now.
[06:00] Nobu
    They only got in my way.
[06:02] Sasa
    You can't blame them.
[06:04] Sasa
    Nobume-san, they're ordinary
    people, unlike us elites.
[06:09] Sasa
    But it appears that he won't be
    of any more use at this point.
[06:13] Gin
    That's bullshit.
[06:16] Gin
    The elite must be really
    special to need help
[06:19] ---
    from the ordinary to make it back here.
[06:22] Sasa
    It wasn't by choice.
[06:25] Sasa
    A certain person requested
    that we work together.
[06:28] Sasa
    And we are simply using each
    other to ensure our survival.
[06:33] Sasa
    The enemy of my enemy is my friend.
[06:35] Sasa
    Oh, excuse me.
[06:37] Sasa
    That's probably too difficult for
    you ordinary folk to understand.
[06:41] Sasa
    Essentially, it's like Nobita and
    Gian in the Doraemon movies.
[06:45] Sasa
    Two rivals who will use each other
     to achieve the same purpose
[06:50] ---
    when faced with a crisis.
[06:53] Gin
    Doraemon isn't such a dark story.
[06:56] Sasa
    In other words...
[07:04] Sasa
    Sakata-san, you are useless trash now.
[07:09] Sasa
    Now that I've disposed of that
    garbage, let's clean this place up.
[07:17] Tsu
    Bastard!
[07:21] Tsu
    Gintoki!
[07:22] Tsu
    Hang in there!
[07:23] Tsu
    Hey, Ginto—
[07:32] Tsu
    Gintoki, you...
[07:35] Tsu
    What is this?
[07:36] Sasa
    It's a form of acupuncture.
[07:38] Sasa
    His body will still feel numb for a while,
[07:40] Sasa
    but at least he'll be able to move.
[07:43] Sasa
    I also injected some serum into him.
[07:45] Sasa
    The elite never miss a step.
[07:48] Sasa
    Consider my debt paid.
[07:51] Sasa
    Now, go back to the
    other ordinary people.
[07:54] Sasa
    If you stick around, you'll end up
    being taken out with the trash.
[07:59] Gin
    Don't make me laugh.
[08:02] Gin
    You're not giving me any interest
    after taking this long to get here?!
[08:07] Sasa
    Begging for more again?
[08:09] Sasa
    What do you want?
[08:17] Gin
    Sadasada's head.
[08:19] Sasa
    Good grief.
[08:21] Sasa
    That's a lot of interest.
[08:25] Gin
    Nah, his head's worth nothing.
[08:35] Sasa
    I have an order for the Mimawarigumi.
[08:37] Sasa
    All elites will begin supporting
    that ordinary man.
[08:41] Sasa
    On our pride as elites, we must not
    allow a single person to go upstairs.
[08:48] Tsu
    You won't listen if I tell you that
    your body can't take any more.
[08:52] Tsu
    Then I'm coming with you.
[08:53] Tsu
    I won't let you break our promise.
[08:55] Tsu
    That goes for you and Maizo.
[08:58] Nobu
    Time for the last stage.
[09:00] Nobu
    I won't let you hog the glory.
[09:04] Nobu
    The last bite of a donut
    is always the best.
[09:18] Sada
    What's going on here?
[09:21] Oboro
    The Shinsengumi and Mimawarigumi,
[09:23] ---
    the two largest police forces
    in Edo, have joined forces.
[09:27] Sada
    I was told that they were rivals.
[09:31] Oboro
    It would seem that someone
    has brought them together.
[09:35] Oboro
    The ship will be here soon.
[09:36] Oboro
    You should escape, for your own safety.
[09:40] Oboro
    My Lord.
[09:41] Sada
    Are they serious about
    taking over this country?
[09:45] Sada
    In that case, I must respond.
[09:50] Sada
    Summon every remaining police
    force to the palace.
[09:55] Sada
    We'll crush them with all of our might.
[10:03] A
    Wh-What's happening?!
[10:05] B
    B-Big trouble!
[10:06] B
    There are armies attacking
    the north and south gates!
[10:08] A
    Impossible! Who are they?!
[10:10] Matsu
    Listen up!
[10:11] Matsu
    Clear me a path in three seconds
[10:13] Matsu
    or else I blow down the gates.
[10:15] Matsu
    One.
[10:19] A
    What happened to two and three?!
[10:21] Matsu
    Couldn't tell you.
[10:22] ---
    A man only needs the number
    one to get through life.
[10:27] A
    Th-The entire police force?!
[10:30] A
    Impossible!
[10:31] A
    The police are rebelling?!
[10:34] A
    That's absolutely absurd!
[10:36] A
    This is no uprising!
[10:38] A
    Nobody's capable of bringing
    all these men together!
[10:42] Kondo
    There's one person who can do that.
[10:44] Kondo
    One person capable of ordering
    the police, or anyone, around.
[10:48] Kondo
    You still don't understand
    what this is, Lord Sadasada?
[11:06] Shige
    You are the traitor who has betrayed
[11:08] Shige
    this country.
[11:10] Sada
    Shigeshige... So you're behind this.
[11:13] A
    My Lord! What are you doing here?!
[11:17] Shige
    Lower your weapons.
[11:19] Shige
    We've wasted too much time fighting.
[11:21] Shige
    You men are valuable soldiers
    who defend this country.
[11:25] Shige
    I will not allow you to
    throw your lives away.
[11:28] A
    B-But, My Lord...
[11:29] A
    We have orders from Sadasada-sama.
[11:31] Shige
    Were you not listening?
[11:34] Shige
    I told you to drop your weapons.
[11:50] Shige
    Will you clear a path for me?
[11:57] A
    My Lord?!
[11:57] A
    You mustn't!
[11:59] A
    They're rebel scum who
    wronged our country!
[12:01] A
    It's dangerous to approach them!
[12:07] Shin
    Sh-Shogun-sama...
[12:10] Shige
    My shortcomings have caused
    you so much suffering.
[12:13] Shige
    Let me offer you my gratitude.
[12:15] Shige
    Thank you for defending
    my loyal retainer.
[12:20] Shige
    If it weren't for you, I would have...
[12:23] Shige
    We would have allowed the beloved
    man who raised us to die.
[12:28] Soyo
    Grampy!
[12:32] Mai
    Y-Your Highness...
[12:33] Shige
    Grampy, I'm sorry.
[12:36] Shige
    I was by your side,
[12:39] Shige
    yet I never realized your pain.
[12:43] Shige
    You've devoted your life to
    serving the shogun family,
[12:48] Shige
    yet we've only made you suffer for it.
[12:53] Shige
    Grampy, is it too late to
[12:58] ---
    fulfill your promise?
[13:01] Mai
    Shigeshige-sama...
[13:07] Shige
    Soyo, take care of Grampy.
[13:09] Soyo
    Yes, Brother.
[13:12] Shige
    Clear a path.
[13:17] Shige
    I need to talk to my uncle.
[13:19] Sada
    The man who raised them?
[13:22] Sada
    Oboro, what is he talking about?
[13:27] Sada
    Who was the one who turned a helpless,
[13:31] ---
    fatherless boy into the shogun?
[13:37] Sada
    Who was the one who kept
    you and this nation safe
[13:42] ---
    while being accused of
    selling out this country?!
[13:47] Sada
    It was me!
[13:49] Sada
    I, Tokugawa Sadasada, am
    the father of this nation!
[13:54] Sada
    My rule has kept this nation safe.
[13:58] Sada
    Despite all that, you now
    choose to turn on me?!
[14:04] Oboro
    They say that a doll will gain
    a heart if enough time passes,
[14:09] Oboro
    though it seems that this doll
    was given a stubborn soul.
[14:13] Oboro
    He's realized that you were protecting
    yourself, not this nation.
[14:19] Oboro
    If you continue to
    cling to this country,
[14:22] ---
    your position may not
    be the only thing lost.
[14:24] Oboro
    You may lose your life.
[14:26] Oboro
    Please join me in seeking
    help from the Tendoshu.
[14:30] Sada
    Are you telling me to abandon
[14:32] ---
    what's taken me half
    my life to build up?!
[14:34] Sada
    To run off to the Tendoshu and
    allow these traitors to live?!
[14:40] Oboro
    Considering the contributions
    you have made,
[14:42] ---
    they will surely assist
    in restoring you to power.
[14:46] Sada
    Nonsense.
[14:48] Sada
    They consider both myself
    and Shigeshige...
[14:51] Sada
    No, they consider this entire planet
    to be nothing more than a tool.
[14:55] Sada
    Isn't that right, messenger
    of the heavens,
[14:58] Sada
    Yatagarasu?
[15:01] Sada
    The Tendoshu sent you to ensure that
    I would be an expendable tool.
[15:07] Sada
    If I am the traitor who
    sold out this country,
[15:10] Sada
    you Naraku are the crows
    who feed on its carcass.
[15:16] Sada
    That ship is here to help?
[15:17] Sada
    Don't make me laugh!
[15:19] Sada
    Once I meet with the Tendoshu,
[15:21] Sada
    I'll never return to Earth.
[15:24] Oboro
    We are ready to take
    you wherever you wish.
[15:27] Oboro
    Our mission is to assist
    you in any way possible.
[15:33] Sada
    You'll take me wherever I wish?
[15:35] Sada
    In that case,
[15:37] Sada
    let's go to Yoshiwara!
[15:41] Sada
    The place where my rule began.
[15:43] Sada
    The cursed land where I was betrayed.
[15:47] Sada
    I want you to prove your
    loyalty to me in that place.
[15:51] Oboro
    Prove our loyalty? How?
[15:55] Sada
    Kill Suzuran.
[15:58] Sada
    That betrayal was where this all began.
[16:01] Sada
    So Maizo and Suzuran...
[16:04] Sada
    I will completely shatter your promise
    and end this once and for all.
[16:12] Sada
    I will punish every person
    who dared to betray me.
[16:17] Oboro
    If that is what you wish.
[16:20] Oboro
    I will follow shortly.
[16:22] Oboro
    Set sail for Yoshiwara.
[16:31] Gin
    Yoshiwara?
[16:33] Gin
    I don't think so.
[16:36] Gin
    This ship won't take you to paradise...
[16:40] Gin
    It's headed straight to hell, bastard.
[17:04] ---
    You bastard...
[17:08] Kondo
    Did he pull it off?
[17:11] Kagura
    Gi—
[17:12] Shin
    Gin-san!
[17:16] Oboro
    You refuse to die.
[17:19] Oboro
    I didn't expect you to drag that
    beaten body back before me again.
[17:23] Oboro
    You continue to fight?
    You continue to howl?
[17:27] Oboro
    If you would close your eyes, you
    would not suffer any more loss.
[17:31] Oboro
    Yet you return to the
    battlefield again,
[17:35] Oboro
    White Yaksha.
[17:37] Oboro
    It's too late now.
[17:39] Oboro
    No matter how much you struggle,
[17:41] Oboro
    none of it will come back to you.
[17:44] Oboro
    Not this country, not your
    friends, not Shoyo...
[17:47] Sada
    Th-The Tendoshu!
[17:49] Sada
    Did they come here after
    hearing about the revolt?!
[17:53] Sada
    I-It's over...
[17:55] Sada
    You're all finished!
[18:01] Oboro
    You are nothing more than a ghost
[18:02] ---
    who roams the battlefield in
    search of that which was lost.
[18:05] Oboro
    This is not where you belong.
[18:09] Oboro
    You will be consumed by the flames
    of revenge and sent back to hell,
[18:13] Oboro
    demon!
[18:19] Oboro
    He's trying to prevent me 
    from using poison needles?
[18:28] Oboro
    He learned my technique just
    by experiencing it once?
[18:32] Gin
    Sent back to hell?
[18:34] Gin
    You must be dreaming.
[18:37] Gin
    You and I are already
    on a date in hell.
[18:47] Oboro
    Do you believe you can use
    my own technique against me?
[18:50] Oboro
    My assassination techniques aren't meant
[18:52] ---
    to attack enemy pressure points.
[18:55] Oboro
    They're meant for controlling my own
    pressure points to maximize my strength.
[18:59] Oboro
    I can easily remove any
    poison from my body.
[19:03] Sada
    O-Oboro...
[19:06] Gin
    That's enough.
[19:08] Gin
    Hell's too good for that guy,
[19:11] Gin
    but it seems appropriate
    for him to be judged
[19:13] ---
    by the laws he created.
[19:15] Oboro
    What?!
[19:24] Oboro
    I don't need needles to attack
    your pressure points!
[19:53] Oboro
    It's over, White Yaksha!
[19:57] Gin
    It's not over.
[19:59] Gin
    I haven't lost.
[20:04] Gin
    My body can still move.
[20:07] Gin
    My hand can still reach.
[20:10] Shoyo
    Gintoki,
[20:12] ---
    look after things for me.
[20:15] Shoyo
    Don't worry. It's no big deal.
[20:17] Shoyo
    I'll be back very soon.
[20:21] Shoyo
    So until then, please protect our friends,
[20:25] Shoyo
    protect everyone, for me.
[20:33] Shoyo
    Promise me that.
[20:47] Gin
    Yeah.
[20:48] Gin
    It's a promise.
[20:52] Gin
    Sensei!
[21:09] Oboro
    Go back to hell, White Yaksha!
[21:18] Gin
    Sorry, I have a prior engagement.
[21:21] Gin
    I already made reservations,
[21:25] Gin
    so you'll have to wait in hell for me.
[21:30] Gin
    Say hello to Sensei for me.
[21:32] Oboro
    You bastard!
[22:04] Gin
    Promises shouldn't be made lightly.
[23:45] Gin
    Uh, so when in summer is
    the movie coming out?
[23:49] Kagura
    Summer's a long time.
[23:51] Gin
    Stupid, summer is the period
    when TUBE is active.
[23:55] Gin
    So the movie can only be released
    when Maeda's feeling up to it.
[23:58] Shin
    Hell no!
SIGN    Unsetting Moon
SIGN    The Courtesan of a Nation arc
SIGN    ends next episode.
SIGN    Will the promises that were made
SIGN    be fulfilled...?

E261 - Unsetting Moon
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:36] Nobu
    The Tendoshu...
[01:38] Nobu
    So they've gotten off their fat
    asses to save their little toy.
[01:44] Sada
    It's rather unfortunate,
    dog of the Hitotsubashi.
[01:48] Sada
    As I told you before,
    nobody can ever judge me.
[01:52] Sada
    You are the ones who will be judged.
[01:56] A
    Lord Sadasada, it appears that
    you've suffered a serious setback.
[02:02] A
    I won't bother asking
    for an explanation.
[02:04] A
    No matter the reason,
[02:05] ---
    it is not in the interest of
    any of the parties involved
[02:10] ---
    to allow further commotion on
    the sacred palace grounds.
[02:12] A
    You must have your
    reasons for rebelling,
[02:16] ---
    but we will be intervening
    in this matter.
[02:19] A
    We will take temporary
    custody of Lord Sadasada.
[02:22] A
    Would you not agree that
    his sentence should
[02:25] ---
    be determined after
    thorough investigation?
[02:29] A
    And while your cause
    may have been just,
[02:32] ---
    you must be punished for
    disrupting the gover—
[02:33] Shige
    That won't be necessary.
[02:36] Shige
    I apologize for the
    long trip you've made,
[02:40] Shige
    but this is a domestic affair.
[02:44] Shige
    It only makes sense for us
    to settle this ourselves.
[02:47] Sada
    Sh-Shigeshige?!
[02:48] A
    Why, if it isn't the shogun.
[02:50] A
    I'm glad to see that you are safe.
[02:53] A
    But are you sure about that?
[02:55] A
    We proposed this solution
    with you in mind.
[02:58] A
    Sheltered by your uncle, you
    have grown to be a gentle lord.
[03:02] A
    Would you be capable of
    executing the beloved retainers
[03:04] ---
    who have turned their swords on you?
[03:07] Shige
    None of them have turned
    their swords on me.
[03:11] Shige
    They may be branded traitors
    and enemies of the state,
[03:16] Shige
    but I know what it is that
    they strive to protect.
[03:20] Shige
    They do not follow laws written by
    politicians for their own convenience.
[03:25] Shige
    They do not serve the
    empty title of shogun.
[03:30] Shige
    They follow their convictions.
[03:32] Shige
    They serve their souls.
[03:34] Shige
    That is what they fight for.
[03:36] Shige
    You can sully their reputation, but
    you cannot tarnish their hearts.
[03:42] Shige
    If I were to call that a crime
    and punish them for it...
[03:55] Shige
    My entire army would become criminals
[03:57] ---
    for turning their swords
     on their foolish ruler.
[04:01] Shige
    If I tried to punish them all,
    this nation would crumble.
[04:06] Sada
    Shigeshige! You bastard!
[04:09] Shige
    They have committed no crime.
[04:12] Shige
    The blame lies with the shogun family
    that was unworthy of ruling them.
[04:17] Shige
    Uncle, I am prepared to accept
    responsibility for failing to stop you.
SIGN    Resignation
[04:25] Shige
    We can go to hell together.
[04:30] Sada
    A-Are you going to give up
    your position as shogun?!
[04:36] Shige
    Please leave.
[04:38] Shige
    This is
[04:40] Shige
    Samurai Country.
SIGN    Unsetting Moon
[04:49] A
    You did a spectacular job, Sasaki-dono.
[04:54] A
    Nobunobu-sama was impressed by
    the devotion you demonstrated
[04:58] ---
    by carrying out your
    mission while injured.
[05:01] A
    You will be rewarded once
    the Hitotsubashi faction
[05:04] ---
    establishes a new government.
[05:07] A
    Our greatest enemy, Sadasada, has been
[05:09] ---
    imprisoned after his
    crimes were exposed.
[05:12] A
    And what's amazing is
    that Shigeshige stepped
SIGN    Resignation
[05:16] ---
    down as shogun to take him down.
[05:19] A
    We are now in position
[05:21] ---
    to name Nobunobu-sama as
    the next shogun with ease.
[05:26] Sasa
    Nezu-dono, this is a
    government hospital.
[05:30] Sasa
    There are ears everywhere.
[05:32] A
    Impossible. The Hitotsubashi's
    time has come.
[05:36] A
    Nobody would dare to
    stand against us now.
[05:38] Hiji
    I beg to differ.
[05:39] Hiji
    The walls have ears and
    the doors have eyes.
[05:42] Hiji
    And there are...
[05:43] Kondo
    ...fairies on your shoulders.
[05:47] Nezu
    Demons!
[05:48] Nezu
    I must get going!
[05:49] Nezu
    Take care!
[05:51] Sasa
    I never dreamed that you
    would come visit me.
[05:55] Sasa
    It appears that despite your appearance,
[05:58] ---
    you have the hearts of fairies.
[06:00] Hiji
    Well, you're lined up to be
    the next police commissioner.
[06:04] Hiji
    Why not start kissing some ass?
[06:08] Hiji
    We'll come to your funeral.
[06:12] Sasa
    Have you come to take my life after
[06:15] ---
    realizing you were being used?
[06:17] Kondo
    We would be happy to let you use us
    if it meant a tyrant could be toppled,
[06:21] Kondo
    but if your goal was to make our lord
[06:24] ---
    take the fall to protect
    us, we'll take steps.
[06:30] Sasa
    Loyalty to your lord?
[06:32] Sasa
    Topple tyrants?
[06:34] Sasa
    Is that truly why you
    took up your swords?
[06:38] Sasa
    If you believe I orchestrated the
[06:41] ---
    shogun's fall for the sake
    of the Hitotsubashi faction,
[06:43] ---
    you are sorely mistaken.
[06:45] Sasa
    Not even an elite could have
    predicted this would happen.
[06:49] Sasa
    To think that the ruler
    of a nation gave up his position
[06:52] ---
    for the sake of a mere samurai.
[06:55] Sasa
    To think that the wild monkeys
    would take up their swords
[06:58] ---
    for an ancient promise.
[06:59] Sasa
    That man defies all reason.
[07:02] Sasa
    That Sakata Gintoki...
[07:05] Sasa
    I hope that capricious girl's stubborn streak
[07:10] ---
    wasn't a result of his bad influence.
[07:13] Sasa
    What do you say, Nobume-san?
[07:18] Sasa
    Unfortunately, I'm not naive
    enough to believe that
[07:22] ---
    replacing the shogun
    will change this world.
[07:27] Sasa
    Instead of depending
    on foreign countries,
[07:29] Sasa
    we should build a nation
    that can compete with them.
[07:32] Sasa
    That is the dream of the
    Hitotsubashi's leader,
[07:36] Sasa
    but I'm not one to go in
    for such a pipe dream.
[07:41] Sasa
    I have much bigger plans in mind.
[07:46] Sasa
    You don't need to worry.
[07:47] ---
    The Tendoshu should
    make their move soon.
[07:50] Sasa
    You should be guarding Sadasada,
    not hanging out here.
[07:55] Sasa
    I had a report from my men.
[07:58] Sasa
    The crow's carcass vanished.
[08:04] A
    Sadasada failed us.
[08:06] B
    He was so obsessed with
    maintaining power that he
[08:09] ---
    failed to notice the foundations
    crumble beneath him.
[08:13] C
    It would be detrimental to
    restore him to power now.
[08:16] D
    A fool who could not keep
    up with Hitotsubashi
[08:20] ---
    holds no value as a
    ruler in the first place.
[08:23] E
    We should have cut that worthless
    puppet loose sooner.
[08:28] Oboro
    While he may hold no value as a
    puppet, he can still serve as bait.
[08:36] A
    Have you returned, messenger
    of the heavens, Yatagarasu?
[08:40] Oboro
    It took a while to restore my
    meridians and keep myself alive.
[08:46] A
    Who would be capable of
    injuring you so severely?
[08:50] Oboro
    A demon who fell for the bait.
[08:54] A
    Ah, a demon...
[08:56] Oboro
    Sadasada is a figurehead
    of the Joi suppression.
[09:00] Oboro
    We need him to draw out certain foes.
[09:03] Oboro
    There is no need to fear
    the Hitotsubashi faction.
[09:07] Oboro
    They are nothing more than
    puppets, much like Sadasada.
[09:12] Oboro
    The ones using this chance to sneak
    into the heart of the country...
[09:16] ---
    They are our true enemies.
[09:18] A
    And we need that puppet to
    bring out those demons?
[09:25] Sada
    It took you long enough.
[09:29] Sada
    I'd grown tired of waiting.
[09:31] Sada
    I was thinking that the Tendoshu
    had finally abandoned me.
[09:36] Sada
    Now, unlock this door and release me.
[09:40] Sada
    It's too bad, Shigeshige!
[09:43] Sada
    You will never get to
    judge me! No one will!
[09:46] Sada
    Not even the heavens can judge me!
[09:54] Sada
    Huh?
[09:57] Taka
    That's right.
[09:59] Taka
    You won't be judged by the
    shogun or the heavens.
[10:05] Taka
    You will be judged
[10:10] Taka
    by me.
[10:11] Sada
    Y-You're...
[10:14] Taka
    Don't bother trying to remember me
[10:16] Taka
    since I'll bring the Tendoshu
[10:18] Taka
    and those worthless crows...
[10:20] Taka
    No...
[10:22] Taka
    I'll bring the heads of every person on
    this planet down to hell with me.
[10:27] Taka
    Say hello
[10:29] Taka
    to Sensei for me.
[10:42] Oboro
    Yes.
[10:44] Oboro
    Those demons are our true enemies.
[10:48] Oboro
    The students of Shoyo.
[10:51] Nobu
    It appears that you were
    a step too late, Oboro.
[10:56] Oboro
    So you're not fooling around,
[10:59] ---
    Mukuro...
[11:00] Oboro
    No, you go by the name Imai Nobume now.
[11:04] Oboro
    Once, you served the heavens and
[11:06] ---
    were named one of the Naraku
    Three at a young age,
[11:10] Oboro
    yet you now side with a student
[11:13] ---
    of Shoyo and turn your
    blade on the heavens?
[11:17] Nobu
    Isaburo said he would go along
    with that man's grand scheme.
[11:22] Nobu
    So I will do the same.
[11:24] Oboro
    I see.
[11:26] Oboro
    Then one of us will have
[11:28] ---
    our feathers plucked
    the next time we meet.
[11:32] Oboro
    Wait.
[11:35] Oboro
    Were those two anything like Shoyo?
[11:40] Nobu
    No.
[11:42] Nobu
    One was trying to protect
    Shoyo's legacy.
[11:46] Nobu
    The other was trying to
    destroy Shoyo's legacy.
[11:51] Nobu
    But they had one thing in common.
[11:55] Nobu
    They both
[11:58] ---
    had such sorrow in their eyes.
[12:13] Oki
    I suppose this is karma.
[12:16] Oki
    A man who built an empire
    through assassination
[12:19] ---
    was finished by an assassin.
[12:22] Oki
    Well, it could get ugly if the
[12:24] ---
    public learned this happened
    right after that big ruckus,
[12:27] Oki
    so the official announcement will
    be that he died of illness.
[12:31] Oki
    I can understand that
    you're not happy about it,
[12:34] ---
    but we've been given orders.
[12:36] Gin
    What about the killer?
[12:37] Oki
    Well, I can't tell if
    they're even interested
[12:40] ---
    in finding out who it was.
[12:43] Tsu
    Did the Tendoshu kill him
    so he couldn't talk?
[12:46] Oki
    After they mobilized all those
    people to rescue Sadasada?
[12:51] Oki
    I'm pretty sure that
    the Tendoshu were still
[12:54] ---
    looking for a chance to
    take back Sadasada.
[12:58] Oki
    The assassination was
    carried out despite that.
[13:00] Oki
    No...
[13:02] Oki
    It was probably meant
    as a declaration of war
[13:04] ---
    from the Hitotsubashi to the Tendoshu.
[13:06] Oki
    To prove it, we have an imperial
    decree from the Emperor.
[13:11] Shi
    What? Shogun-sama's
    resignation was denied?
[13:14] Soyo
    Yes.
[13:15] Soyo
    My brother has been
    ordered to continue
[13:18] ---
    supporting the Bakufu
    now that our uncle is gone.
[13:22] Shin
    Oh, that's great!
[13:24] Kagura
    We were worried that Sho-chan
    quit because of us.
[13:29] Oki
    Those fools are probably thrilled,
[13:32] Oki
    but it's obvious that the
    Tendoshu were behind this act.
[13:37] Oki
    Which means that the Tendoshu see
    the Hitotsubashi as their enemy.
[13:42] Oki
    Shigeshige has only been set
    up as an interim ruler.
[13:47] Tsu
    Does the Hitotsubashi faction
    intend to fight the Tendoshu
[13:51] ---
    to take control of the government?
[13:54] Oki
    Well, I don't know if they're
    trying to take control,
[13:57] Gin
    That's mine.
[13:58] Oki
    or if they want to get rid of the
[14:01] ---
    Bakufu and throw the world into chaos.
[14:04] Oki
    Either way, there's a lot
    of action in the shadows.
[14:08] Gin
    Wait. If the Bakufu's a mess
    right now, that old man is...
[14:13] Oki
    He managed to survive.
[14:15] Oki
    But he probably can't
    step outside the palace,
[14:19] ---
    much less visit Yoshiwara.
[14:22] Oki
    His health is certainly a concern,
[14:25] Oki
    but the palace is on lockdown,
[14:27] ---
    and there are even guards
    watching the shogun.
[14:29] Oki
    No one is allowed to enter or leave.
[14:33] Nobu
    Your Highness, it is
    time for you to return.
[14:36] Soyo
    Nobume-san...
[14:40] Nobu
    That look won't help.
[14:43] Oki
    Well, I figured this would happen.
[14:47] Oki
    Seriously, what were we fighting for?
[14:59] Hino
    The doctor said that she won't
    make it through the night.
[15:02] Hino
    This may be the last moon
    Lady Suzuran ever waits for.
[15:10] Hino
    Don't be sad.
[15:11] Hino
    Suzuran-san and the rest of
    you all tried your best.
[15:16] Hino
    Did you think that I didn't
    know you were sneaking around?
[15:22] Hino
    Honestly, that was quite
    a mess you caused.
[15:25] Hino
    I was quite worried since you've
    started to act like Gin-san.
[15:30] Hino
    That's why I tried to
    keep my mouth shut,
[15:33] ---
    but I guess it didn't matter in the end.
[15:36] Tsu
    Hinowa, did you know who
    Suzuran was waiting for?
[15:40] Hino
    Hard to say. But considering
    how long she's waited,
[15:46] Hino
    he must have been a wonderful man.
[15:49] Hino
    That much I do know.
[15:53] Hino
    Isn't that right, Suzuran-san?
[15:55] Suzu
    Hinowa-chan, could you
    help me with my makeup?
[16:02] Suzu
    It's time to fulfill our promise.
[16:13] Sasa
    Where are you going at this late hour?
[16:17] Sasa
    You're running off to amuse yourself
    in Yoshiwara with that body?
[16:20] Sasa
    You'll die.
[16:21] Sasa
    I can't afford any further commotion.
[16:25] Sasa
    Please restrain yourself
    and return to your room.
[16:28] Mai
    I understand that I'm
    disobeying orders.
[16:31] Mai
    If you intend to cut me down, go ahead.
[16:34] Mai
    I no longer have any arms
    for your blade to take.
[16:37] Mai
    You can help yourself
    to my legs or head.
[16:41] Mai
    However, those young people helped
    revive the promise we once made.
[16:47] Mai
    The thread tied to my soul
[16:51] Mai
    cannot be severed by any blade.
[16:56] Sasa
    Normally, I would forgive an elderly
    man's desire to fool around,
[17:00] ---
    but the circumstances will not allow it.
[17:02] Sasa
    I cannot allow anything to
    happen that could potentially
[17:06] ---
    aggravate the tense political situation.
[17:10] Sasa
    I will warn you one more time.
[17:12] Sasa
    Please return to your room.
[17:15] Hino
    Okay, all done.
[17:18] Hino
    You look beautiful, Suzuran-san.
[17:20] Hino
    Every girl wants to look pretty
    for the man she loves.
[17:24] Hino
    Now, Tsukuyo.
[17:26] Hino
    Bring the kimono.
[17:28] Hino
    What are you doing?
[17:29] Hino
    Tsukuyo?
[17:31] Suzu
    Tsukuyo-chan, did you make that
    promise with your special man?
[17:38] Tsu
    No...
[17:39] Suzu
    Was it an important promise?
[17:42] Gin
    We'll bring the old man 
    back to Suzuran together.
[17:47] Suzu
    Then you should believe in it.
[17:52] Suzu
    A good man will always
    keep his promise.
[17:59] Suzu
    Isn't that right?
[18:03] Tsu
    Yeah...
[18:05] Tsu
    You're right.
[18:07] Sasa
    What?
[18:08] Sasa
    How did you get in here?
[18:11] Gin
    If you wanna play Kick the
    Can, follow the finger!
[18:17] All
    Me!
[18:20] Sasa
    Wh—
[18:21] Sasa
    What are you people doing?
[18:23] Sasa
    Why is the shogun here?
[18:25] Oki
    This is too many people to
    use rock-paper-scissors,
[18:27] ---
    so Hijikata can be It.
[18:29] Hiji
    Screw that!
[18:29] Hiji
    Look at all these people!
[18:30] Hiji
    That would be torture!
[18:32] Shige
    Enough.
[18:33] Shige
    I've seen enough internal strife.
[18:36] Shige
    As shogun, I will choose
    someone to be It.
[18:40] Shige
    Grampy, if you will?
[18:43] Sasa
    Please stop this.
[18:45] Sasa
    You've allowed outsiders inside,
[18:47] ---
    and now you're abandoning
    your responsibility?
[18:55] Nobu
    Go grab the can.
[18:58] Nobu
    It probably flew all
    the way to Yoshiwara.
[19:02] Gin
    Okay, everybody hide.
[19:10] Suzu
    I loathe the moon.
[19:13] Suzu
    With nightfall, it brings you to me,
[19:17] Suzu
    but it also takes you from 
    me when dawn breaks.
[19:21] Suzu
    I wish the moon would never leave us.
[19:24] Suzu
    Then you would always be here with me.
[19:29] A
    The moon will come with the night again.
[19:33] A
    And someday, when it does, 
    I will take you with me in the morning.
[19:41] A
    Wait before the cherry blossom tree
[19:43] ---
    on the night of the next full moon.
[19:46] Suzu
    Do you promise?
[19:49] A
    I promise.
[19:52] Both
    Promise.
[20:12] Suzu
    You
[20:16] ---
    finally came.
[20:23] Suzu
    The final moon brought you to me.
[20:30] Suzu
    But I must apologize.
[20:33] Suzu
    Both the cherry blossoms and I have
    withered during the long wait.
[20:43] Mai
    What are you talking about?
[20:48] Mai
    Nothing has changed.
[20:52] Mai
    The cherry blossoms are every bit
    as beautiful as they once were.
[21:06] Suzu
    Maizo-sama...
[21:09] Suzu
    Am I dreaming?
[21:12] Suzu
    Will you be gone when the moon leaves
    and I wake up in the morning?
[21:18] Mai
    No, the moon tonight will never set.
[21:29] Mai
    You will never awaken from this dream.
[21:35] Mai
    We will always,
[21:38] Mai
    always,
[21:41] Mai
    be together.
[21:54] Mai
    I promise.
[21:58] Mai
    I promise.
[23:51] Gin
    We have an announcement to make
    on the progress of the movie!
[23:54] Gin
    If the next image shows five or
[23:57] ---
    six storyboard booklets,
    we're well on our way.
[24:00] Gin
    Take it away!
[24:02] Gin
    Huh?
SIGN    Huh...
SIGN    What...
SIGN    Er?
SIGN    That's odd?

E261.C - Gintama Classic - People Are All Escapees of Their Own Inner Prisons.
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] Kag
    -
SIGN    -
SIGN    -
SIGN    -
[01:31] OFFICIAL
    There's Prison Island.
[01:33] OFFICIAL
    Throughout the ages,
    it's been the one prison
[01:36] ---
    
    where the worst offenders are sent.
[01:40] OFFICIAL
    It's a steel fortress that encompasses
    the entire island.
[01:44] OFFICIAL
    Once you enter, you will never
    see sunlight again.
[01:48] OFFICIAL
    It's a real netherworld in
    the land of the living.
[01:51] OFFICIAL
    Starting today, that's your home.
[01:53] OFFICIAL
    So you'd better bid a fond
    farewell to the sun.
[01:58] KATSURA
    Don't worry.
[01:59] KATSURA
    I've already finished saying
    farewell to everyone
[02:02] ---
    
    from Yaoyorozu to Amaterasu.
[02:07] SUEKICHI (M)
    It's said the world is very large,
[02:09] SUEKICHI (M)
    but my world has been this
    small cell for a long time.
[02:14] SUEKICHI (M)
    The view behind steel bars
    has been my whole world.
[02:19] SUEKICHI (M)
    I spend every day in this
[02:21] ---
    moldy-smelling cell where
    my heart has been corrupted.
[02:24] SUEKICHI (M)
    I don't remember how many times
    my heart almost broke.
[02:27] SUEKICHI (M)
    But finally the time has come for
    me to leave those days behind.
[02:37] SUEKICHI (M)
    That's right.
[02:38] SUEKICHI (M)
    There's a boundless
    beautiful world out there
[02:40] ---
    
    that's not meant to be seen through bars.
[02:44] SUEKICHI (M)
    To gaze upon that world
    is all I've ever wanted.
SIGN    ["People Are All Escapees of Their Own Inner Prisons"]
[02:53] SUEKICHI (M)
    Finally... Finally I've made it.
[02:56] SUEKICHI (M)
    It's taken 15 years to dig
    out of here. 15 years...
[02:59] SUEKICHI (M)
    I've pounded into my mind
    the guards' routines
[03:02] SUEKICHI (M)
    and the times when other
    prisoners are asleep.
[03:06] SUEKICHI (M)
    I took advantage of a little overlap
    time to dig through rock and stone,
[03:09] SUEKICHI (M)
    little by little, every day. And I kept
    at it for 15 years... And finally...
[03:15] ---
    It's the day I escape from Prison
    Island, the invulnerable fortress.
[03:20] SUEKICHI (M)
    Suekichi, you've really
    outdone yourself.
[03:22] ---
    ...It was all your tenacity...
[03:24] SUEKICHI (M)
    All I need to do is find the right time
    to carry it out... I can't be impatient.
[03:29] SUEKICHI (M)
    The best time is early morning
    when the prisoners are asleep.
[03:33] SUEKICHI (M)
    The best day is when the sea is calm.
[03:35] SUEKICHI (M)
    I've already secured an
    exit route for escape.
[03:38] SUEKICHI (M)
    So I need to carefully pick the
    perfect day and carry it out.
[03:42] SUEKICHI (M)
    Fortunately, the prison
    cell opposite mine,
[03:45] SUEKICHI (M)
    which I have to watch the
    most, is now vacant.
[03:47] SUEKICHI (M)
    If I can escape before a
    new prisoner arrives...
[03:50] SUEKICHI (M)
    ...there won't be any problems.
[03:52] KATSURA
    Oh, you're awake. Good morning.
    Isn't it a nice day?
[03:57] KATSURA
    I just came in today. Prisoner
    number "Ha-206," Katsura.
[04:01] KATSURA
    It's nice meeting you, cell mate.
[04:03] SUEKICHI (M)
    Why?!
[04:05] SUEKICHI (M)
    Until yesterday, it
    was completely vacant.
[04:07] SUEKICHI (M)
    But why today, of all days, did they
    have to bring in a newcomer?!
[04:09] KATSURA
    Here's something for you.
[04:12] KATSURA
    It's an Anti-Foreigner Faction towel.
[04:13] KATSURA
    It's very good at wiping away filthy stains.
    Especially those from our world.
[04:17] ---
    Because it's Joi.
[04:19] SUEKICHI (M)
    Th-This is bad...
[04:20] SUEKICHI (M)
    My cell is completely visible
    to the opposite prison cell.
[04:23] SUEKICHI (M)
    I've been able to accomplish
    my work thus far because
[04:25] SUEKICHI (M)
    there was no prisoner
    on the opposite side.
[04:28] SUEKICHI (M)
    But now... It can't be...!
[04:30] SUEKICHI (M)
    And this guy looks so irritating!
[04:32] KATSURA
    Um... This is an Anti-Foreigner
    Faction towel.
[04:34] KATSURA
    It's very good at wiping
    away filthy stains.
[04:36] KATSURA
    Especially those from our world.
[04:38] ---
    Because it's Joi.
[04:39] SUEKICHI (M)
    He thought I didn't hear him so he
    repeated the same corny joke!
[04:41] SUEKICHI (M)
    I heard it! It's not funny no matter
    how many times you say it!
[04:45] SUEKICHI (M)
    Calm down.
[04:46] SUEKICHI (M)
    All I need is a chance to crawl through
    the tunnel and escape from this island.
[04:51] SUEKICHI (M)
    Even if this guy is in
    the cell opposite mine,
[04:53] ---
    
    there'll be an opening within 24 hours.
[04:56] SUEKICHI (M)
    At this point, I can't be picky
    about the date and time.
[04:58] SUEKICHI (M)
    As soon as I get the chance...
[05:01] SUEKICHI (M)
    Luckily, the labor in this
    place is like the agony
[05:04] ---
    
    of hell so it wears out all the prisoners.
[05:06] SUEKICHI (M)
    Most likely, he'll be exhausted
    and fall asleep right after
[05:09] ---
    he gets back from his first night.
[05:13] SUEKICHI (M)
    I'll take that chance tonight when he's
    so tired he'll fall right to sleep.
[05:24] SUEKICHI (M)
    Just as I thought...
[05:25] SUEKICHI (M)
    I can't see well in the dark,
    but his snoring...
[05:27] SUEKICHI (M)
    ...means it's unlikely he'll wake
    up from any sounds.
[05:31] SUEKICHI (M)
    I've been spotted?! It can't be!
[05:34] SUEKICHI (M)
    But I can feel his gaze on
    me. It's boring into me!
[05:36] SUEKICHI (M)
    No way!
[05:37] ---
    Don't tell me!
[05:40] SUEKICHI (M)
    What kind of sleeping face is that?!
[05:43] SUEKICHI (M)
    This is bad! I've heard about people
    who sleep with their eyes half open.
[05:46] SUEKICHI (M)
    But his eyes are wide open!
[05:47] SUEKICHI (M)
    His eyeballs must've dried up! He's
    definitely looking right at me!
[05:49] SUEKICHI (M)
    His dried-up eyeballs are
    looking right at me!
[05:52] SUEKICHI (M)
    What a strange sleeping face!
[05:54] SUEKICHI (M)
    That was a shock. It should
    be all right, right?
[05:57] SUEKICHI (M)
    He's not really awake, is he?
    He's snoring, anyway...
[06:02] SUEKICHI (M)
    Huh? But what if he's not asleep?
[06:05] SUEKICHI (M)
    This should be all right, right? No,
    he's awake, isn't he? He is, right?
[06:08] SUEKICHI (M)
    Something like this is not good.
[06:09] ---
    I should check.
[06:12] SUEKICHI
    Ka-Katsura-san.
[06:17] SUEKICHI (M)
    No need to worry. He's sleeping,
    just as I thought.
[06:19] ---
    All right!
[06:20] SUEKICHI (M)
    I can go now...
[06:21] SUEKICHI (M)
    So he is awake!
[06:23] SUEKICHI (M)
    Why is he sleeping in a runner's
    crouch?
[06:25] SUEKICHI (M)
    He's not sleeping, is he?! He's
    in a runner's crouch!
[06:28] SUEKICHI (M)
    He looks like he's about
    to run somewhere!
[06:30] SUEKICHI (M)
    What should I do? Things are
    getting more complicated now.
[06:34] SUEKICHI (M)
    He's snoring, but...
    no...wait...no...but...
[06:39] KATSURA
    What's the matter, Suekichi-dono.
    You didn't sleep well last night?
[06:42] KATSURA
    That's not good. You won't be able
    to handle the hard work here.
[06:47] SUEKICHI (M)
    Whose fault do you think it was?!
[06:49] SUEKICHI (M)
    I was completely tricked by him.
[06:50] SUEKICHI (M)
    I thought there was no way in the world
    a guy could be this bad a sleeper.
[06:54] SUEKICHI (M)
    If I keep up this lifestyle,
    I'll lose all my strength.
[06:57] SUEKICHI (M)
    I have to solve this
    as soon as possible.
[06:59] SUEKICHI (M)
    I should preempt him.
[07:01] GUARD
    Lights out!
[07:04] SUEKICHI (M)
    I don't need to make him fall asleep.
[07:06] SUEKICHI (M)
    I just need to create a chance
    for me to escape.
[07:09] SUEKICHI
    Well, I've had problems
    falling asleep lately.
[07:12] SUEKICHI
    Do you have any tricks that
    would help me fall asleep?
[07:15] KATSURA
    Let's play UNO. I'm pretty good.
[07:17] SUEKICHI
    No, I'd better get some
    sleep for tomorrow.
[07:19] KATSURA
    I see, but I'm really good at it.
[07:20] SUEKICHI
    No, thanks, but do you know
    anything a bit more basic?
[07:23] SUEKICHI
    I know! Why don't we count
    sheep, Katsura-san?
[07:25] SUEKICHI
    They say counting sheep with your
    eyes closed helps you fall asleep.
[07:28] KATSURA
    Is that so? I think UNO would
    be better. I'm pretty good.
[07:32] SUEKICHI
    Yeah, but it'll just keep me awake.
[07:35] KATSURA
    Then let's close our eyes and
    start counting sheep together.
[07:38] KATSURA
    How about that? Here
    we go... One sheep.
[07:41] KATSURA
    Two sheep... Three sheep...
[07:43] SUEKICHI (M)
    Yes!
[07:44] SUEKICHI (M)
    He won't open his eyes
    until tomorrow morning.
[07:47] SUEKICHI (M)
    And if it works out, he'll fall asleep.
[07:51] SUEKICHI (M)
    But I shouldn't start moving yet.
[07:53] SUEKICHI (M)
    I'll see how it goes after
    he's counted 20 sheep.
[07:56] KATSURA
    11 sheep...12 sheep...
[08:00] ---
    13 sh...?
[08:06] GIRL A
    What is Matsuko doing?
[08:08] GIRL B
    Hurry up and jump! You're
    holding up the line.
[08:10] KATSURA
    What happened, Matsubara?
    Did you twist your ankle?
[08:16] MATSUKO
    A ladybug...was here.
[08:18] KATSURA
    Geez... You're really...
[08:21] KATSURA
    Matsuko Matsubara. She was
    always smiling like that.
[08:26] KATSURA
    She could jump higher than anyone
[08:29] ---
    and she was always smiling like that.
[08:32] KATSURA
    That's all.
[08:33] KATSURA
    These five people will make up the
    starting lineup for the tournament.
[08:36] KATSURA
    This will be the last tournament
    for you guys as third-graders.
[08:38] KATSURA
    Do your best!
[08:39] ALL
    All right!
[08:41] GIRL C
    I heard Matsubara Senpai was benched
    even though it's her last tournament.
[08:45] GIRL D
    She hasn't even been showing
    up to practice lately.
[08:48] GIRL D
    She's not even here today.
[08:49] GIRL E
    There's a rumor that
    she has a boyfriend.
[08:51] GIRL E
    He's Fujimura Senpai, a third-grader.
[08:53] GIRL F
    I think he just hangs around her.
[08:55] GIRL G
    But it works well for Sugiyama Senpai.
[08:57] GIRL G
    There's no way she could
    beat Matsubara Senpai.
[08:59] GIRL C
    Hey, you're talking too loud!
[09:02] SUGIYAMA
    Sensei.
[09:04] SUGIYAMA
    Do you have a minute to talk?
SIGN    [GYM STORAGE]
[09:08] SUGIYAMA
    What's this all about?
[09:10] SUGIYAMA
    Why isn't Matsuko in
    the starting lineup?
[09:12] SUGIYAMA
    She's our ace, isn't she?
[09:14] SUGIYAMA
    I'm not happy about wearing the uniform
[09:16] ---
    of a starting player just
    because Matsuko didn't show up.
[09:19] SUGIYAMA
    I'm returning this to you.
[09:21] KATSURA
    ...She quit the club.
[09:26] KATSURA
    You're the only one who can take
    Matsuko's position in this club.
[09:30] KATSURA
    I'm sure you know that, because
    you and her have been
[09:32] KATSURA
    competing against each other
    as rivals for three years.
[09:36] SUGIYAMA
    ...I wanted to get to this
    position by beating her.
[09:39] SUGIYAMA
    Because she's my best friend, I wanted
    to win the position by beating her.
[09:52] KATSURA (M)
    ...Sugiyama.
[09:53] KATSURA (M)
    I'm sorry...
[10:03] FUJIMURA
    How could you?
[10:05] SUGIYAMA
    I won't lose to you!
[10:07] SUGIYAMA
    I'll definitely score more points than
    you and outperform you...
[10:10] SUGIYAMA
    ...and I'll win the tournament!
[10:18] KATSURA (M)
    Sugiyama...
[10:21] KATSURA (M)
    She...
[10:25] KATSURA (M)
    She...
[10:27] KATSURA (M)
    ...found out about your health.
[10:31] KATSURA (M)
    More than anyone or anything...
[10:36] KATSURA (M)
    ...she wanted to jump higher.
[10:40] KATSURA
    Hey, isn't Sugiyama here yet?
[10:42] KATSURA
    It's thirty minutes to tip-off.
    What is she doing?!
[10:45] GIAL A
    Sensei! Sugiyama Senpai's
    mother just called!
[10:50] GIRL A
    When Senpai was on her way...
[10:52] GIRL A
    ...she fell and was
    taken to the hospital.
[10:58] SUGIYAMA
    ...Idiot.
[10:59] SUGIYAMA
    You weren't supposed to come, right?
[11:05] MATSUKO
    ...No, I needed to come...
[11:08] MATSUKO
    ...to pick up...my team uniform.
[11:14] SUGIYAMA
    Here you go.
[11:18] SUGIYAMA
    I'm so proud that you're my rival.
[11:24] SUGIYAMA
    Matsuko...
[11:26] SUGIYAMA
    I regret that I chose the
    same position as you.
[11:32] SUGIYAMA
    Actually...it doesn't really
    matter if we're rivals.
[11:38] SUGIYAMA
    I just... I just wanted to...
[11:44] SUGIYAMA
    ...play on the same court with you.
[11:48] KATSURA
    That summer...
[11:50] KATSURA
    ...after knowing real kindness...
[11:53] KATSURA
    She jumped higher...
[11:59] KATSURA
    ...than anyone or anybody ever...
[12:02] KATSURA
    Sh...Sh...
[12:03] KATSURA
    13 sheep!
[12:10] SUEKICHI
    That was too long!
[12:13] KATSURA
    What's wrong, Suekichi-dono?
[12:15] KATSURA
    You didn't get any sleep
    last night, either?
[12:17] KATSURA
    That's not good. You've been
    looking like that for a while.
[12:21] SUEKICHI (M)
    ...Damn it.
[12:23] SUEKICHI (M)
    All I need to do is just go through
    the tunnel and escape this island.
[12:26] SUEKICHI (M)
    Then I'll finally taste freedom.
[12:27] SUEKICHI (M)
    Why is it so difficult to do
    something so simple?
[12:30] SUEKICHI (M)
    He's the biggest curse of all.
[12:33] SUEKICHI (M)
    At first, he didn't seem to have any
    flaws, but he's actually full of them.
[12:35] SUEKICHI (M)
    Once he was provoked,
    he revealed his fangs.
[12:37] SUEKICHI (M)
    But he still has flaws, in fact, It's
    like he's the Hell of Infinity.
[12:42] SUEKICHI (M)
    As long as this guy is in the cell opposite
    me, it's impossible for me to escape.
[12:45] SUEKICHI (M)
    I should give up any hopes
    of exploiting his flaws.
[12:50] SUEKICHI (M)
    I should kill him.
[12:51] ---
    I won't be able to
    get my freedom unless I kill him.
[12:54] SUEKICHI (M)
    But how...?
[12:55] SHACHI
    Hey, are you the newcomer?
[12:59] SHACHI
    Now we have a pretty boy.
[13:03] SHACHI
    Hey, young master, what did
    you do to get thrown in here?
[13:07] SUEKICHI (M)
    That's...Shachi!
[13:09] SUEKICHI (M)
    Robbery, murder, kidnapping...
[13:11] SUEKICHI (M)
    He's the king of crime,
    the boss of all criminals
[13:13] ---
    who's committed multiple
    crimes...the killer, Shachi!
[13:17] SHACHI
    Hey, what's with that look?
[13:19] SHACHI
    What are looking at, huh? Huh?
    Are you picking a fight with me?
[13:22] SUEKICHI (M)
    Hey, stop it! Don't get in
    any trouble with him!
[13:24] KATSURA
    Oh, I'm sorry. Did I offend you?
[13:28] KATSURA
    I'm sorry. I had something
    I was concerned about.
[13:30] SUEKICHI (M)
    That's right! Be quiet and
    don't go aggravating him.
[13:33] KATSURA
    Well...
[13:35] KATSURA
    ...your kimono is torn.
[13:39] SUEKICHI (M)
    Fashion!
[13:40] SUEKICHI (M)
    That's just the fashion!
[13:42] SUEKICHI (M)
    It's a fashion statement that
    makes him look wild!
[13:44] KATSURA
    And there're scribbles
    on your face, too.
[13:46] KATSURA
    It looks like someone played a joke
    on you while you were asleep.
[13:49] MAN B
    Are you making fun of him?! It's
    supposed to be like this, dude!
[13:52] KATSURA
    Huh? You did this on purpose?
    You purposely cut it so raggedly?
[13:58] SUEKICHI (M)
    Stop it! Don't mention it!
    Don't talk about that!
[14:03] SHACHI
    ...Not really...
[14:04] ---
    Somehow...the sleeves bothered me,
[14:07] ---
    so I just cut them off,
    and it came out like this.
[14:10] SUEKICHI (M)
    Shachi! Now he's getting
    all shy! He's losing face!
[14:15] GUARD
    Hey, what are you doing?!
    Be quiet and eat!
[14:17] MAN B
    Tsk. You guys, we'll remember this.
[14:20] SUEKICHI (M)
    You guys?! What's with "guys"?!
     They'll all keep an eye on me, too?!
[14:24] SUEKICHI (M)
    This is the worst.
[14:25] ---
    In order to keep my escape
    plan a secret, I've kept quiet until now!
[14:29] SUEKICHI (M)
    This was going to be over soon!
[14:31] ---
    But if people like them
    keep an eye on me...
[14:35] SUEKICHI (M)
    But wait! I should turn this predicament
    into an advantage!
[14:38] SUEKICHI (M)
    I'll plot to offer Katsura to Shachi.
[14:41] SUEKICHI (M)
    That way, Shachi will owe me
    and Katsura will be dead!
[14:45] SUEKICHI (M)
    Two birds with one stone!
[14:48] SUEKICHI (M)
    First of all, I need to get close
    to Shachi's gang members.
[14:50] SUEKICHI (M)
    Oh! They look pretty hostile towards me.
[14:53] SUEKICHI (M)
    ...Oh, well. I have to show them
    that I'm their comrade.
[14:57] MAN A
    What?! You want to meet Shachi?
[15:00] SUEKICHI
    Yeah. I want him to know that I have
    no hostilities toward any of you.
[15:04] SUEKICHI
    That crazy man isn't my friend at all.
[15:08] MAN B
    That reminds me, you didn't
    bother us that time.
[15:11] MAN A
    Shachi-san, Suekichi wants to see you.
[15:14] SUEKICHI (M)
    Well, this is perfect.
[15:15] SUEKICHI (M)
    Just as I thought, this ragged
    sleeve style is really effective!
[15:18] SHACHI
    What is it? What do you want?
[15:20] SHACHI
    Leave me alone. Just leave
    me alone, already.
[15:23] SUEKICHI (M)
    Shachi?! He's cutting off the
    ragged part of his sleeves!
SIGN    He's been like that ever since.
SIGN    He's cutting off all the ragged parts from his kimono.
[15:32] MAN A
    Stop it, Shachi! It's so cool!
[15:34] MAN A
    Stop worrying about it! Those
    ragged parts are really cool!
[15:37] SHACHI
    I really don't care if
    it's cool or uncool!
[15:41] SHACHI
    That's not the reason
    I wore it like that.
[15:45] SHACHI
    I'll never wear ragged sleeves again!
[15:48] SUEKICHI (M)
    You're so annoying! Shachi, you really are!
     How sensitive are you?
[15:52] SHACHI
    Let me tell you something...my ragged
    bangs and my sleeves are not related.
[15:55] SHACHI
    Don't get me wrong! Ah, I'm going
    to cut this, too! I'll do it!
[15:58] MAN B
    Stop, Shachi! Not the ragged hair!
[16:02] SHACHI
    Hey, what are you wearing?!
[16:05] SUEKICHI (M)
    Damn it! In this situation, my outfit makes
    it look like I'm making fun of him!
[16:08] SHACHI
    I found another one here!
    Another ragged one!
[16:17] KATSURA
    Are you hurt, Suekichi-dono?
[16:19] SUEKICHI
    Huh? Um...
[16:20] KATSURA
    You bastards!
[16:21] ---
    You made Suekichi-dono's sleeves ragged.
     Shame on you!
[16:24] MAN A
    No, his sleeves were already like that!
[16:26] MAN B
    We didn't do that!
[16:27] KATSURA
    Shut up! What are all these
    triangular pieces?!
[16:30] KATSURA
    They're enough evidence!
[16:31] MAN A
    No! That's from Shachi's...!
[16:33] KATSURA
    Shut up!
[16:40] KATSURA
    What's wrong, Suekichi-dono?
[16:41] KATSURA
    You couldn't sleep last night again?
[16:43] SHACHI
    Katsura-san!
[16:44] SHACHI
    It's because we were playing UNO all night
    until early this morning in your cell.
[16:46] SHACHI
    So he couldn't sleep with all the noise.
[16:48] MAN B
    We're sorry, Suekichi-san.
     We were so excited playing UNO.
[16:51] SHACHI
    Because Katsura-san is so
    good at playing UNO.
[16:54] KATSURA
    No, Shachi, you're too weak.
[16:56] MAN A
    That's right, Shachi.
    You're way too weak!
[16:59] SUEKICHI (M)
    Why?! Why did it turn out like this?!
[17:02] SUEKICHI (M)
    Instead of being led to his death, Katsura
    has extending his influence!
[17:06] KATSURA
    All right, everyone, it's about
    time we went to work.
[17:09] ALL
    Yes!
[17:10] SUEKICHI (M)
    He's acting like the head prisoner!
[17:12] GUARD
    Take care, Katsura-dono.
[17:14] KATSURA
    Yeah.
[17:15] SUEKICHI (M)
    How did he manage to
    influence the guard?!
[17:17] SUEKICHI (M)
    Who is he, anyway?!
[17:19] SUEKICHI (M)
    In just a few days, he's gained
    control of this hellish prison.
[17:23] SUEKICHI (M)
    It could be that I've challenged
    an extraordinary man.
[17:28] SUEKICHI (M)
    Even if I realize the huge size
    of the wall in front of me,
[17:31] SUEKICHI (M)
    somehow I don't despair.
[17:34] SUEKICHI (M)
    This Prison Island was called Hell,
[17:36] SUEKICHI (M)
    but it has been gradually
    changed by that man.
[17:39] SUEKICHI (M)
    Backbreaking work has changed
    into something worthwhile,
[17:42] SUEKICHI (M)
    even if it's still really hard.
[17:44] SUEKICHI (M)
    And criminals' eyes aren't
    so empty and lifeless.
[17:46] ---
    They've started repenting
    for their crimes,
[17:50] SUEKICHI (M)
    making up for their past sins
    and correcting their ways
[17:52] SUEKICHI (M)
    Their eyes have started looking
    towards the future.
[17:58] SUEKICHI (M)
    Through interaction
    with the prisoners...
[18:01] SUEKICHI (M)
    ...the guards have started
    realizing the joy of forgiveness
[18:03] SUEKICHI (M)
    and the value of rehabilitating people
    instead of just abandoning them.
[18:08] SUEKICHI (M)
    And for 15 years...
[18:11] SUEKICHI (M)
    The man who avoided facing
    up to his crimes,
[18:13] ---
    who only thought about
    escaping his hardships...
[18:15] SUEKICHI (M)
    ...and digging a tunnel...
[18:21] SUEKICHI (M)
    ...finally closed it off.
[18:25] PRISONER A
    Man, I worked pretty hard today, too.
[18:28] ---
    
    I've been sleeping well lately!
[18:30] PRISONER B
    By the way, even that disgusting
    prison food...
[18:32] PRISONER B
    ...is starting to taste good.
[18:36] KATSURA
    Human beings are creatures
    that eat, work and sleep.
[18:39] KATSURA
    If any one of these is satisfied,
[18:41] ---
    the other two will eventually
    become satisfied as well.
[18:44] KATSURA
    And only when these three
    have been satisfied
[18:46] ---
    
    do people truly realize that they're alive.
[18:50] SHACHI
    Katsura-san, I've been looking forward
[18:53] ---
    
    to the next day so much lately.
[18:56] SHACHI
    We're treated like earthworms,
[18:58] SHACHI
    but I feel like we are remembering
[18:59] ---
    what it means to be human, day-by-day.
[19:02] SHACHI
    For the first time, I
    feel like I'm alive.
[19:05] SHACHI
    The one who taught us this was...
[19:08] SHACHI
    ...you, Katsura-san.
[19:11] SHACHI
    Thank you...for helping us
    become...humans again.
[19:17] KATSURA
    Hey, why are you crying at lights-off?
[19:20] ---
    The guard is coming.
[19:22] GUARD
    Sorry...
[19:30] KATSURA
    Well, let's get some sleep for tomorrow.
[19:32] KATSURA
    Eating, working and sleeping.
    That's what humans do.
[19:35] PRISONER C
    Good night, Katsura-san.
[19:37] PRISONERS
    Good night!
[19:40] KATSURA
    What's the matter, Suekichi-dono?
    You still can't sleep?
[19:43] SUEKICHI
    You said you were a revolutionist,
    but what brought you here?
[19:48] SUEKICHI
    I'm just curious about what kind
    of crime you committed.
[19:53] KATSURA
    I didn't commit any crimes.
[19:56] ---
    I came here of my own free will.
[19:58] SUEKICHI
    What fotr?
[20:00] KATSURA
    I'm a revolutionist of course.
[20:05] KATSURA
    So, I came to revolutionize Hell.
[20:11] SUEKICHI
    That's amazing!
     You make such a bold statement!
[20:14] KATSURA
    Suekichi-dono, did I change
    anything here?
[20:18] SUEKICHI
    ...Well...I don't know, but...
[20:21] SUEKICHI
    ...at least I've changed.
[20:24] SUEKICHI
    My sleeping problem is gone.
[20:28] SUEKICHI (M)
    I've decided to dig a new tunnel.
[20:32] SUEKICHI (M)
    It's a long tunnel and I don't
    know when it'll open.
[20:35] ---
    That's right. It'll lead to tomorrow.
[20:39] SUEKICHI (M)
    I don't need any escape routes anymore.
[20:41] SUEKICHI (M)
    I'll fight for the sake of tomorrow.
[20:43] SUEKICHI (M)
    With that guy... With that man...
    I'll be able to reach it.
[20:54] KATSURA (M)
    He's finally asleep.
    He gave me a hard time.
[20:58] KATSURA
    Thanks for waiting.
[21:05] KATSURA (M)
    He was a tough guy who
    didn't have any flaws.
[21:07] KATSURA (M)
    Although I already had an escape route,
[21:08] KATSURA (M)
    I never imagined I'd have a man
[21:10] ---
    with sleeping problems in
    the cell opposite mine.
[21:13] KATSURA (M)
    But I can easily handle it.
[21:16] KATSURA (M)
    It looked like he was
    completely tricked
[21:17] ---
    by me and seems to have
    let his guard down.
[21:20] KATSURA (M)
    It's too bad I won't be able to see his
[21:22] KATSURA (M)
    shocked face when he finds
    out that I disappeared,
[21:24] KATSURA (M)
    but it can't be helped.
[21:25] ---
    Goodbye! You guys will stay
    chained here forever!
[21:33] KATSURA (M)
    I've been spotted?! No way!
[21:34] ---
    No, he's looking at me!
    Someone is watching me!
[21:39] SHACHI (M)
    All right! Looks like
    he's finally asleep!
[21:42] ---
    
    He gave me a hard time.
[21:44] SHACHI (M)
    He was a tough guy who didn't
    have any weaknesses.
[21:46] SHACHI (M)
    Although I already had an escape route,
[21:49] SHACHI (M)
    I had some trouble getting
    him to let his guard down.
[21:53] SHACHI (M)
    I've been spotted?! No way!
[21:55] SHACHI (M)
    No, he's looking at me!
    Someone is watching me!
[21:58] MAN A (M)
    All right!
[21:58] MAN A (M)
    It looks like he's finally asleep!
    He gave me a hard time...
SIGN    All right! He looks like  he's finally asleep!
[22:04] PRISONERS (M)
    All right!
[22:14] GUARD A
    Senpai, there're so many
    holes on the island.
[22:18] GUARD B
    Huh?
[22:19] GUARD B
    Just fill them in. Fill them in.
[22:21] ---
    
[23:54] Kag
    Hey, everyone!
[23:54] Kag
    This is the clip that the staff
    made around this time last year
[23:59] ---
    because they thought Sorachi-san
    was almost finished.
SIGN    Laugh if you want
SIGN    Kill if you want
SIGN    Second movie in production!!

E261.C - Gintama Classic - An Observation Journal Should Be Seen Through To The Very End
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:02] Hiroshi
    July 20th.
[00:03] Hiroshi
    Today, I'll be starting an observation journal
    on a space morning glory today.
[00:04] Kag
    -
SIGN    -
SIGN    -
SIGN    -
[00:07] Hiroshi
    I gave it lots of water so the morning
    glory would bloom faster.
[00:11] Hiroshi
    How much longer?
[00:13] Hiroshi
    When will I get to see
    the morning glory?
[00:16] Hiroshi
    July 25th.
[00:18] Hiroshi
    I woke up to find that the morning
    glory had sprouted.
[00:22] Hiroshi
    Nice to meet you, Mr. Morning Glory.
[00:24] Hiroshi
    I was so happy,
    I gave it lots of water.
[00:27] Hiroshi
    And then Mom got mad at me.
[00:29] Hiroshi
    She said the morning
    glory was already full.
[00:33] Hiroshi
    August 11th.
[00:35] Hiroshi
    A typhoon hit Edo.
[00:38] Hiroshi
    I stayed with the morning glory the whole
    time so it wouldn't be blown away.
[00:43] Hiroshi
    And then Mom got really mad at me.
[00:44] Hiroshi
    She said I would catch a cold.
[00:47] Hiroshi
    But I was worried so I ignored her,
[00:49] Hiroshi
    and then Mom and I got into a fight.
[00:53] Hiroshi
    August 12th.
[00:55] Hiroshi
    It was still raining.
[00:57] Hiroshi
    I was in bed all day with a fever.
[01:00] Hiroshi
    I kept trying to go check
    on the morning glory,
[01:03] Hiroshi
    but Mom wouldn't let me go.
[01:06] Hiroshi
    Mom didn't care what happened
    to the morning glory.
[01:09] Hiroshi
    I'm never gonna talk to Mom again...
[01:12] Hiroshi
    August 13th.
[01:14] Hiroshi
    I woke up to find that the
    morning glory was gone.
[01:18] Hiroshi
    The morning glory wouldn't have
    died if I had stayed with it.
[01:22] Hiroshi
    I'm sorry. I'm sorry...
[01:25] Hiroshi
    I was crying, when Mom brought a
    fully-bloomed morning glory in a pot.
[01:30] Hiroshi
    Mom had moved the morning glory
    to a pot during the typhoon for me.
[01:35] Hiroshi
    She protected my friend in my place.
[01:40] Hiroshi
    I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
[01:43] Hiroshi
    I still ended up crying.
[01:45] Hiroshi
    But it wasn't because I was sad,
    it was because I was happy.
[01:50] Hiroshi
    August 30th.
[01:52] Hiroshi
    I watered the morning glory with Mom.
[01:55] Hiroshi
    The morning glory is
    still growing strong.
[01:59] Hiroshi
    The end.
[02:01] Teach
    Okay, thank you, Hiroshi-kun.
[02:03] Teach
    It's nice that the morning
    glory didn't die.
[02:05] Kid
    Great!
[02:05] Teach
    And you made up with your mother.
[02:08] Teach
    Then next up is...
[02:11] Teach
    Daigoro-kun.
[02:12] Dai
    Yes.
[02:13] Teach
    Daigoro-kun, what did you
    research this summer?
[02:17] Dai
    Uh...
[02:21] Dai
    I also did an observation journal.
[02:24] Teach
    I see. What did you observe?
[02:29] Teach
    Isn't everybody excited?
[02:31] Teach
    Well, Daigoro-kun, go ahead.
[02:35] Dai
    Class 3-1, Daigoro Kitaouji.
[02:38] Dai
    July 20th.
[02:40] Dai
    Today is the first day of my
    long-awaited summer vacation.
[02:43] Dai
    How shall I have fun tomorrow?
[02:46] Dai
    I was so excited that
    I couldn't fall asleep
[02:50] Dai
    and missed my radio exercises.
[02:52] Teach
    Hey, Daigoro-kun!
[02:54] Teach
    You skipped radio exercises
    on the very first day?
[02:57] Teach
    That's no good.
[02:59] Dai
    By the time I got to the park,
    nobody was there.
[03:03] Dai
    But...
[03:04] Madao
    S-Sake...
[03:07] Madao
    P-Please...
[03:10] Madao
    G-Give me sake!
[03:15] Dai
    That was where I met Madao.
[03:20] Teach
    Uh...
[03:21] Teach
    What's a Madao?
[04:55] Dai
    July 21st.
[04:57] Dai
    I started an observation
    journal on Madao today.
[05:01] Teach
    Daigoro-kun, hold on.
[05:02] Teach
    What's a Madao?
[05:04] Dai
    Madao is the master of the park.
[05:06] Dai
    A creature with a beard and sunglasses.
[05:09] Dai
    It sits in the park all
    day without working.
[05:13] Teach
    Daigoro-kun, that's just a
    middle-aged man, yes?
[05:16] Teach
    An unemployed middle-aged
    man living in the park, yes?!
[05:18] Dai
    I brought him alcohol
    from my house yesterday,
[05:21] ---
    and he warmed up and
    started talking to me.
[05:23] Teach
    You shouldn't give stuff like
    that to a strange old man!
[05:27] Madao
    Kid, where's the sake?
[05:30] Dai
    He said that he can't live without sake,
[05:32] Dai
    so I gave Madao lots of sake.
[05:36] Dai
    How much longer?
[05:38] Dai
    When will Madao bloom?
[05:40] Teach
    It won't!
[05:41] Teach
    As long as you keep giving him sake,
    that old man will never bloom!
[05:45] Dai
    July 22nd.
[05:47] Dai
    Madao still hasn't sprouted.
[05:48] Teach
    Sprouted?
[05:50] Teach
    You shouldn't say that about
    a grown man, Daigoro-kun.
[05:52] Dai
    I give it lots of sake but
    it won't move or work.
[05:56] Dai
    I ask why it won't do anything...
[06:00] Madao
    Once a flower's withered,
    it can never bloom again.
[06:04] Dai
    He answered me with a
    sad look on his face.
[06:06] Teach
    What is this?! What kind
    of project is this?!
[06:08] Teach
    How can he say such things to a child?!
[06:10] Dai
    July 23rd.
[06:12] Dai
    Madao still hasn't sprouted.
[06:14] Dai
    I give it lots of sake but it
    all comes out of its eyes.
[06:19] Dai
    I ask why it spills back out
    after I give it to him...
[06:24] Madao
    I'm sorry...
[06:25] Madao
    I won't waste any more...
[06:27] Madao
    I'm sorry...
[06:28] Dai
    And then more sake came from its eyes.
[06:32] Dai
    Until the sunset.
[06:34] Teach
    Say, Daigoro-kun?
[06:36] Teach
    This is a little heavy, yeah? Yeah?
[06:38] Teach
    What is this? Could you stop?
[06:41] Dai
    July 24th.
[06:43] Dai
    Madao still hasn't sprouted.
[06:45] Teach
    Daigoro-kun, I get it now.
[06:47] Teach
    You skipped your independent
    research project, didn't you?
[06:49] Dai
    Madao looked hurt.
[06:50] Teach
    That's it. Madao doesn't even exist.
[06:53] Dai
    I ask what's wrong...
[06:56] Dai
    And it says that it screwed
    up while making a swing.
[07:00] Teach
    Daigoro-kun!!
[07:01] Dai
    I ask why it's using
    a rope to make a swing
[07:04] ---
    
    when the park already has swings.
[07:08] Dai
    When will Madao bloom?
[07:10] Teach
    Daigoro-kun, I don't like
    where this is going!
[07:13] Teach
    Are you sure about this?!
[07:15] Dai
    July 25th.
[07:17] Dai
    Madao still hasn't sprouted.
[07:19] Dai
    I was on my way to do
    radio exercises when
[07:21] ---
    
    I found Madao lying on the rail tracks.
[07:23] Dai
    I ask what's it's doing,
[07:26] Dai
    and it says it couldn't fall asleep
    so it crawled over here.
[07:29] Teach
    Whoa!
[07:30] Teach
    Stop it!
[07:31] Dai
    When will Madao bloom?
[07:31] Teach
    That's enough, Daigoro-kun!
[07:33] Teach
    Report over.
[07:34] Teach
    An excellent job.
[07:36] Teach
    You aren't finished, but that's enough.
[07:39] Kid
    Why, Teacher?
[07:40] Kid
    I wanna hear more!
[07:41] Kid
    Did Madao bloom?
[07:43] Kid
    What happened?
[07:43] Teach
    It's not about it blooming or not.
[07:45] Kid
    More! I wanna hear more!
[07:47] Kid
    Finish the story, Daigoro!
[07:50] Kids
    Madao! Madao!
[07:55] Teach
    Wh-What part of that touched
    the hearts of the kids...?
[07:59] Teach
    I-I got it now!
[08:01] Teach
    Th-Then since it seems like
    your report is rather long,
[08:04] ---
    we'll go with a summary.
[08:07] Teach
    Daigoro-kun, August.
[08:09] Teach
    Start from August.
[08:10] Teach
    Only read the important points, okay?
[08:12] Teach
    Skip the weird parts.
[08:15] Dai
    August 1st.
[08:18] Dai
    We have a new family member.
[08:20] Teach
    You skipped too much!!
[08:21] Teach
    How did Madao become a
    member of your family?!
[08:23] Teach
    What happened in the days
    that were skipped?!
[08:25] Dai
    A bed was prepared, but Madao
    still hasn't sprouted.
[08:30] Dai
    Two dry eyes stare into the empty
    sky, unable to perceive...
[08:37] Dai
    Much as God was unable to understand
[08:39] ---
    
    the will of the fallen angel Lucifer...
[08:41] Teach
    And you're suddenly writing like a pro!
[08:44] Dai
    I've had enough...
[08:46] Dai
    I spit on the ground and
    light up a xxxboro.
[08:49] Teach
    What happened?!
[08:50] Teach
    What happened over summer?!
[08:52] Teach
    This isn't a step
    towards being an adult!
[08:53] Teach
    It's a damn escalator!
[08:56] Dai
    Humans must change and adapt to their
    environment in order to survive.
[08:59] Teach
    Why a condor?!
[09:00] Teach
    And you've changed way too much!
[09:00] Dai
    The man who refused to change and
    stood still was practically a corpse.
[09:02] Teach
    You should've been observed instead!
[09:06] Dai
    August 3rd.
[09:07] Dai
    I casually tossed it a bottle of whiskey
    I sniped from my mother.
[09:12] Dai
    Madao, I've changed your environment.
[09:15] Dai
    It's your turn to respond,
    so why do you just lie there?
[09:20] Dai
    What damaged you?
[09:22] Teach
    Isn't that obvious?!
[09:23] Dai
    Madao didn't answer my question,
[09:23] Teach
    You can clearly see why he's unhappy!
[09:25] Dai
    instead it licked at the whiskey
    with a sour look on its face.
[09:25] Teach
    This is what you meant by a
    new member of the family?!
[09:29] Dai
    When will Madao bloom?
[09:32] Dai
    I look up at the sky to see a condor
    circling as though laughing at me.
[09:37] Teach
    And why is there a condor in Edo?!
[09:39] Dai
    August 10th.
[09:41] Dai
    Ten days have passed since
    we took in Madao.
[09:44] Dai
    It still hasn't sprouted.
[09:47] Dai
    As always, I casually toss it a bottle
    of bourbon I swiped from my Mom.
[09:52] Teach
    Does it have to say "casually"?
[09:54] Teach
    Do you have to emphasize
    that "casually" part?
[09:57] Dai
    Mom's been getting creeped
    out by Madao recently.
[10:02] Dai
    It appears that she's realized I'm
    keeping Madao and not a dog.
[10:07] Teach
    That should have been obvious
    from the beginning!
[10:09] Teach
    She was creeped out from the beginning!
[10:11] Dai
    My Mom raised me on her own.
[10:14] Dai
    I wonder when she stopped
    trusting in men...?
[10:19] Teach
    Who cares about your Mom's story!
[10:21] Teach
    Just end this story!
[10:24] Dai
    August 10th three years ago.
[10:26] Teach
    Hey! I said to stop!
[10:28] Teach
    Why is there a flashback
    arc in your journal?!
[10:30] Dai
    I remember that it was
    a blisteringly hot day.
[10:34] Dai
    My Mom's husband...
[10:36] Dai
    In other words, my old man,
    was also a Madao.
[10:40] Dai
    My old man was a skilled carpenter,
[10:43] Dai
    but after an accident left
    his arms paralyzed,
[10:46] Dai
    he stopped working and began drinking
    and gambling during the day.
[10:51] Dai
    My Mom always worked hard,
[10:52] Dai
    buy my old man would beat
    her for not earning enough.
[10:58] Dai
    I couldn't stand the
    sight of my old man,
[11:01] Dai
    so I never returned home
    until the sun set.
[11:05] Dai
    I would wait for my exhausted
    Mom before heading home.
[11:09] Dai
    That was my daily routine.
[11:14] Dai
    But we didn't abandon that Madao,
    because of memories of long ago...
[11:20] Dai
    We believed that he would return to
[11:24] ---
    
    being a kind father, a kind husband.
[11:28] Dai
    But that day...
[11:30] Mom
    We're home.
[11:32] Dai
    Our faint hopes
[11:35] Dai
    vanished into the summer sky
    with the cries of cicadas.
[11:45] Dai
    Raindrops trickled down my cheek.
[11:48] Dai
    Before I knew it, I had told the Madao
[11:52] ---
    
    before me about the other Madao.
[11:56] Dai
    Sorry, forget about
    everything I just said.
[11:59] Madao
    Why did you help me...?
[12:02] Madao
    Aren't you sick of seeing a Madao?
[12:06] Madao
    Both you and your mother.
[12:08] Madao
    Aren't you making your mother suffer?
[12:15] Dai
    I might be feeling remorse...
[12:18] Dai
    If only I had provided
    support for my old man
[12:21] ---
    when he hit rock bottom...
[12:23] Dai
    Then my Mom wouldn't
    have suffered like this.
[12:29] Dai
    I couldn't say anything more...
[12:32] Dai
    At some point, I may have seen
    my old man in Madao.
[12:39] Dai
    What was I trying to accomplish
    while making my Mom suffer?
[12:44] Dai
    Was I trying to recover what
    I'd once forgotten...?
[12:50] Dai
    On that day, Madao didn't
    touch its bourbon.
[12:56] Dai
    It seems that a typhoon has hit Edo.
[12:59] Dai
    My legs led me to the doghouse.
[13:03] Dai
    But Madao was nowhere to be found.
[13:07] Madao
    Aren't you sick of seeing a Madao?
[13:12] Madao
    Both you and your mother.
[13:19] Mom
    What are you doing?!
[13:20] Mom
    Where are you going in this rain?!
[13:22] Dai
    Let me go!
[13:24] Dai
    It's already weak from
    drinking all that booze!
[13:26] Dai
    Madao's going to die in this rain!
[13:31] Mom
    So that was a Madao...
[13:36] Dai
    No!
[13:37] Dai
    It's not a Madao!
[13:39] Dai
    It's... It's...
[13:42] Dai
    My friend!
[13:45] Mom
    Daigoro!
[13:47] Dai
    No more of this...
[13:49] Dai
    I have to save him!
[13:54] Dai
    August 12th.
[13:57] Dai
    I couldn't find Madao in the end.
[14:00] Dai
    My head hurts and I can't write
    as well as I did before.
[14:04] Dai
    I seem to have caught a cold.
[14:08] Dai
    I didn't drink any sake, but it's coming
    out of my eyes for some reason.
[14:15] Dai
    Just like it did with Madao.
[14:17] Dai
    Is sake coming out of Madao's
    eyes wherever he is?
[14:22] Dai
    When I thought of that, I couldn't
    stop the sake from coming out.
[14:26] Dai
    And then...
[14:30] Dai
    Ma-Madao...
[14:32] Mom
    Honestly...
[14:34] Mom
    Next time keep an eye on
    it so it won't escape.
[14:37] Mom
    And also...
[14:39] Mom
    If you're going to keep a Madao,
[14:41] ---
    keep it inside so we aren't embarrassed.
[14:44] Mom
    And feed it properly instead
    of giving it alcohol.
[14:53] Dai
    Mom allowed me to keep Madao.
[14:57] Dai
    Or maybe Mom felt the same way I did.
[15:07] Dai
    Madao, were you drinking again?
[15:11] Madao
    No...
[15:13] Madao
    No more drinking for me.
[15:17] Dai
    August 20th.
[15:20] Dai
    Madao has changed since then.
[15:23] Dai
    He no longer drinks sake,
[15:25] Dai
    and he performs all kinds of
    chores while Mom is out.
[15:29] Dai
    All while reading the classifieds.
[15:33] Dai
    Mom called him Madao in the beginning,
[15:36] Dai
    but she's started to call
    him Hasegawa-san.
[15:39] Mom
    Here, Hasegawa-san.
[15:40] Dai
    Madao is Madao, so why?
[15:40] Madao
    Ah, sorry about that. Thank you so much.
[15:43] Dai
    I don't really get it.
[15:46] Dai
    August 25th.
[15:48] Dai
    When Madao went out for
    errands that evening,
[15:51] Dai
    Mom asked...
[15:52] Mom
    Daigoro.
[15:54] Mom
    Would you like a father?
[15:57] Dai
    That was her question.
[15:59] Dai
    I didn't understand what she meant,
[16:02] Dai
    so I asked her about it
[16:04] Dai
    and then her face turned red.
[16:06] Mom
    Well, it's nothing...
[16:09] Dai
    I didn't understand,
[16:11] Dai
    so I asked Madao that night...
[16:14] Madao
    I wouldn't know.
[16:16] Dai
    I don't really get grownups.
[16:19] Dai
    August 26th.
[16:22] Dai
    It's finally the day
    for Madao to sprout.
[16:25] Madao
    Thank you for everything you've done.
[16:28] Madao
    Thanks to you two, I've been able
[16:30] ---
    
    to recover from hitting rock bottom.
[16:32] Madao
    I don't know how to show
    my appreciation...
[16:36] Mom
    My, it's a little early for that.
[16:39] Mom
    You haven't gone to your interview yet.
[16:41] Mom
    There, your tie.
[16:42] Madao
    Sorry about that.
[16:44] Mom
    Only one person will be
    able to pass, right?
[16:48] Mom
    Do your best.
[16:51] Mom
    We'll be waiting for the good news.
[16:56] Madao
    Yes!
[16:57] Dai
    As Madao headed off to battle
    and Mom watched him go,
[17:02] Dai
    they were like father and mother.
[17:05] Dai
    Madao as my father...
[17:08] Dai
    I tried to picture that, but
    it felt weird so I stopped.
[17:15] Dad
    You seem to be nervous.
[17:17] Madao
    Huh? Oh, yes...
[17:20] Madao
    Since my return to a normal person
[17:22] ---
    
    from being a Madao is riding on this.
[17:24] Dad
    Oh, is that so?
[17:26] Dad
    I'm the same.
[17:28] Madao
    Oh? You were also a Madao?
[17:32] Madao
    I couldn't tell...
[17:35] Dad
    Well, I lost my job after an
    injury and snapped...
[17:40] Dad
    My wife and son gave up on me...
[17:43] Dad
    I'm embarrassed to say
    that I didn't realize
[17:46] ---
    
    what was important until I'd lost it all...
[17:49] Dad
    I managed to straighten myself up
[17:51] ---
    and asked my wife if
    we could start over,
[17:55] Dad
    but she told me to let
    her think about it.
[17:58] Dad
    Well, it's okay.
[18:00] Dad
    I'll try again if I'm accepted here.
[18:04] Dad
    There's only one opening,
[18:06] ---
    but let's both do our best
    so we have no regrets.
[18:12] Madao
    Um... Can I ask you something?
[18:15] Dad
    Yes?
[18:17] Madao
    What's your son's name?
[18:22] Dai
    August 27th.
[18:25] Dai
    Madao never came back.
[18:29] Dai
    He probably didn't pass the interview.
[18:32] Dai
    So he's too ashamed to face us.
[18:35] Dai
    Madao's such an idiot.
[18:37] Dai
    He doesn't need to be so sensitive.
[18:40] Dai
    Mom didn't say anything.
[18:44] Dai
    Was Mom hurt again because of me?
[18:49] Dai
    August 29th.
[18:54] Dai
    We ate with Madao.
[18:57] Dai
    The other Madao.
[19:00] Dai
    Madao had become a completely
    different person.
[19:04] Dai
    After apologizing to Mom
    and me over and over,
[19:07] Dai
    he happily reported
    that he'd found a job.
[19:11] Dai
    He also cheerfully told
    us about someone
[19:15] Dai
    who got drunk and made
    a ruckus at the interview.
[19:19] Dai
    Mom also looked like
    she was really happy.
[19:29] Madao
    Yo, you two.
[19:33] Madao
    Could you spare me some sake?
[19:41] Mom
    Daigoro, let's go.
[19:43] Mom
    Daigoro?
[19:46] Dai
    Why?
[19:47] Dai
    You promised never to drink again.
[19:51] Dai
    Why?
[19:53] Dai
    You promised to do your
    best at the interview!
[19:58] Dai
    Why...? Why...? Why...?!
[20:04] Madao
    Get lost if you have no sake, kid.
[20:08] Madao
    We're through.
[20:13] Dai
    Liar...
[20:14] Mom
    Daigoro, that's enough.
[20:16] Mom
    Let's go.
[20:17] Mom
    Don't bother with him any longer.
[20:20] Dai
    Liar!
[20:22] Dai
    Madao! I know!
[20:24] Mom
    Daigoro!
[20:24] Dai
    You may lie!
[20:26] Dai
    You may pretend to be drunk!
[20:29] Dai
    Everybody may badmouth you!
[20:31] Dai
    I know...
[20:33] Dai
    I know that Madao is no Madao!
[20:35] Dai
    You brought back what
    I'd once forgotten!
[20:39] Dai
    You're the nicest, best samurai!
[20:44] Dai
    I won't forget!
[20:46] Dai
    I'll never forget!
[20:48] Dai
    Never!
[20:55] Man
    What's with all the noise?
[20:58] Man
    Oh? Hasegawa-san.
[20:59] Man
    You're back?
[21:03] Man
    I'll have a bit.
[21:07] Man
    What the hell?!
[21:08] Man
    I-Isn't this water?!
[21:10] Madao
    I don't need beer or work...
[21:14] Madao
    I've already received enough...
[21:24] Madao
    Daigoro, be happy with
    your Mom and dad.
[21:29] Dai
    Yes, I knew.
[21:33] Dai
    Madao had already bloomed long ago...
[21:45] Teach
    Daigoro-kun...
[21:46] Teach
    Forgive me...
[21:48] Teach
    That was no observation journal...
[21:50] Teach
    It was practically a novel...
[21:53] Teach
    But it was wonderful!
[21:54] Teach
    Magnificent!
[21:56] Teach
    Everybody give Daigoro some applause!
SIGN    
[22:02] Teach
    Huh?
SIGN    
[22:03] Teach
    It's still going?
SIGN    
SIGN    
[22:05] Teach
    Oh, there's even a credit roll.
SIGN    
[22:07] Teach
    Amazing, it's like a movie.
SIGN    
[22:09] Teach
    Man, that was great.
SIGN    
SIGN    
[22:10] Teach
    Everyone, one more round
    of applause for Daigoro!
SIGN    
SIGN    
    
[22:16] Teach
    Huh?
[22:19] Teach
    Your mother wrote this?!
SIGN    [Temple School]
SIGN    Do your own homework!!
[22:25] ---
    
SIGN    
[23:58] Kag
    Hi, everyone.
[23:59] Kag
    Since the movie's been pushed
[24:01] ---
    back to summer, this is the
    only clip we have to show!
SIGN    Laugh if you want
SIGN    Kill if you want
SIGN    Second movie in production!!

E261.C - Gintama Classic - Sleep Helps a Child Grow
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[01:50] Kagura
    I can't sleep.
[01:52] Kagura
    I can't sleep at all.
[01:54] Kagura
    Can't sleep a wink.
[01:57] Kagura
    The harder I try to fall asleep,
[01:59] Kagura
    the more awake I feel.
[02:02] Kagura
    I don't feel like sleeping at all.
SIGN    ["Sleep Helps a Child Grow"]
[02:23] Gintoki
    What?
[02:24] Kagura
    I can't sleep.
[02:27] Gintoki
    Oh, really...
[02:29] Gintoki
    Don't stay up too late.
[02:32] Gintoki
    We have work tomorrow.
[02:37] Gintoki
    What is it?
[02:40] Kagura
    I can't sleep.
[02:41] Gintoki
    You already said that.
[02:43] Gintoki
    If you can't fall asleep,
    stay up until you're sleepy.
[02:46] Gintoki
    You're so annoying.
[02:48] Gintoki
    Let me sleep, okay?
[02:50] Gintoki
    I said we have work...
[02:52] Kagura
    I can't sleep.
[02:52] Gintoki
    Hey! What are you doing?!
[02:54] Kagura
    I can't sleep a wink at all.
[02:57] Gintoki
    Like I care!
[02:58] Gintoki
    Stop bugging me!
[02:59] Kagura
    I can't sleep...
[03:04] Kagura
    Put me to sleep.
[03:08] Kagura
    Use everything in your
    power to put me to sleep.
[03:12] Gintoki
    Just go to sleep by yourself!
[03:13] Gintoki
    Is that how you ask
    somebody for a favor?!
[03:16] Gintoki
    Man...
[03:16] Gintoki
    I can't put up with this.
[03:21] Kagura
    That futon looks more
    comfortable to sleep on.
[03:24] Kagura
    Switch with me.
[03:25] Kagura
    I'm gonna sleep there.
[03:27] Kagura
    You sleep in the closet.
[03:29] Gintoki
    Don't be so picky.
[03:30] Gintoki
    All futons are the same!
[03:32] Gintoki
    How am I supposed to sleep
    in that small space?!
[03:35] Kagura
    Just move outta the way.
[03:41] Kagura
    Ah, I think I can fall asleep like this.
[03:44] Kagura
    This futon might put me to sleep.
[03:46] Gintoki
    Never wake up again, stupid brat.
[03:49] Gintoki
    Man...
[03:50] Gintoki
    What is this...
[03:51] Gintoki
    I'd managed to fall asleep.
[03:53] Gintoki
    I don't wanna sleep on a cold futon.
[03:59] Kagura
    I can't sleep.
[04:00] Gintoki
    So nothing changed?!
[04:02] Kagura
    This is no use.
[04:04] Kagura
    I don't feel sleepy at all.
[04:07] Kagura
    I can't fall asleep 'cause the
    pillow smells like an old man.
[04:11] Gintoki
    You're the one who told
    me to switch with you!
[04:13] Kagura
    That futon looks more
    comfortable to sleep on.
[04:15] Kagura
    Switch with me.
[04:16] Gintoki
    This will never end!
[04:18] Kagura
    I can't fall asleep
[04:20] Kagura
    so I've been thinking
    of ways to fall asleep.
[04:24] Kagura
    And now, I'm no longer sure
    how I used to fall asleep.
[04:29] Kagura
    I've forgotten how to fall asleep.
[04:31] Kagura
    How do I fall asleep?
[04:33] Kagura
    How do I make my way into slumberland?
[04:37] Gintoki
    Start by shutting up!
[04:38] Gintoki
    Then close your eyes and stay still!
[04:40] Gintoki
    You'll eventually fall asleep.
[04:42] Kagura
    But Gin-chan, when you
    stop and think about it,
[04:45] Kagura
    what is sleep?
[04:47] Kagura
    When we close our eyes, we're
    just shutting our eyelids.
[04:51] Kagura
    Our eyeballs are still darting around.
[04:54] Kagura
    It's completely dark, but that's because
[04:56] ---
    we're looking at the inside of our eyelids.
[04:58] Kagura
    It doesn't mean we're asleep.
[05:00] Kagura
    To prove it, if you close your eyes
    during the day, it's completely red.
[05:04] Kagura
    What do I do with my eyeballs
    if I want to fall asleep?
[05:07] Kagura
    Should I just stare at
    the inside of my eyelids?
[05:10] Kagura
    Or should I look up?
[05:13] Kagura
    What do I do to-
[05:14] Gintoki
    Cut it out!
[05:16] Gintoki
    Now I can't fall asleep!
[05:19] Gintoki
    What are you going to do about this?!
[05:20] Gintoki
    Now that you got me thinking about
    it, I can't fall asleep either!
[05:23] Gintoki
    Did I look up? Did I look down?
[05:26] Gintoki
    I don't know what to
    do with my eyeballs!
[05:28] Kagura
    And do we breathe with
    our mouths when we sleep?
[05:31] Kagura
    Or with our noses?
[05:32] Kagura
    Or do we breathe in through our
    mouths and out through our noses?
[05:35] Kagura
    Or do we breathe in through our
    noses and out through our mouths?
[05:37] Gintoki
    Cut it out!
[05:38] Kagura
    Should I cross my arms?
[05:40] Kagura
    Should I leave them at my sides?
[05:41] Kagura
    Outside the covers?
[05:43] Kagura
    Inside the covers?
[05:44] Kagura
    How should the pillow be placed?
[05:46] Kagura
    Face-up? Face-down?
[05:47] Gintoki
    Cut it out!
[05:48] Kagura
    Where do we come from?
    Where are we going?
[05:52] Kagura
    What's beyond the edge of the universe?
[05:55] Kagura
    Why doesn't anime make lots of money?
[05:57] Gintoki
    Cut it out!
[05:59] Gintoki
    I can't sleep!
[06:00] Gintoki
    I don't feel like sleeping at all!
[06:02] Gintoki
    Was it this hard to fall asleep?!
[06:05] Gintoki
    Did we go through such
    an ordeal every night?!
[06:09] Kagura
    What is sleep again?
[06:10] Gintoki
    Shut up!
[06:12] Gintoki
    You'll never fall asleep if you
    make everything so complicated!
[06:14] Gintoki
    How much of a failure are you?!
[06:16] Gintoki
    Even Ken Takakura could do a better job!
[06:19] Kagura
    I feel more and more awake.
[06:21] Kagura
    What do I do?
[06:22] Kagura
    At this rate, I'll never fall
    asleep for rest of my life.
[06:25] Gintoki
    Give me a break.
[06:27] Gintoki
    Didn't I tell you that
    we have work tomorrow?
[06:29] Gintoki
    It's 2:30 in the morning.
[06:32] Gintoki
    We have to wake up at 7:00 tomorrow.
[06:34] Gintoki
    We only have four and
    a half hours to sleep.
[06:37] Gintoki
    That'd even make Napoleon
    bitch when he woke up.
[06:39] Gintoki
    "My dictionary says I only sleep for
    three hours but read between the lines!"
[06:44] Kagura
    What should I do?
[06:46] Kagura
    Don't fall asleep before me, Gin-chan.
[06:48] Gintoki
    For now, stop thinking about that stuff.
[06:51] Gintoki
    Don't use your head.
[06:54] Gintoki
    Okay?
[06:55] Gintoki
    Sleep isn't supposed to be something
    you can consciously force.
[07:03] Gintoki
    Humans who live regular lives will
    naturally fall asleep at night.
[07:08] Gintoki
    If you work your sweaty
    ass off for a whole day,
[07:11] Gintoki
    you'll be so tired you can
    comfortably fall asleep.
[07:13] Gintoki
    That's how sleep is supposed to work.
[07:17] Kagura
    I see...
[07:19] Kagura
    I can't fall asleep because I
    was lying around the whole day.
[07:24] Gintoki
    Right?
[07:25] Gintoki
    The problem is with your lifestyle,
    not with your sleeping style.
SIGN    ["Don't just lay there! Help  me clean up the house!"]
[07:29] Kagura
    You're one to talk.
[07:32] Gintoki
    If you understand, go
    run a lap around town.
[07:35] Gintoki
    What you lack is fatigue.
[07:38] Kagura
    I got it.
[07:39] Kagura
    I'm going off for a run.
[07:41] Kagura
    Gin-chan, you can't
    fall asleep before me.
[07:44] Kagura
    You'd better stay up.
[07:51] Kagura
    Gin-chan...
[07:54] Kagura
    Hey, Gin-chan...
[07:58] Kagura
    I can't fall asleep.
[08:01] Kagura
    I did the running...
[08:03] Kagura
    But now...
[08:05] Kagura
    I'm so hot...
[08:07] Kagura
    I can't fall asleep.
[08:10] Gintoki
    Who told you to run as hard as you can?!
[08:13] Gintoki
    Of course you can't fall asleep
    when you're all sweaty like that!
[08:16] Kagura
    I figured I'd fall asleep
    faster if I was more tired,
[08:20] Kagura
    so I ran fifty laps around town.
[08:22] Kagura
    Sleep is out of the question now.
[08:24] Kagura
    It feels like all my
    cells have activated.
[08:27] Gintoki
    Feels like it?
[08:28] Gintoki
    Your brain cells are dying!
[08:31] Gintoki
    You can't fall asleep right
    after exercising so hard!
[08:34] Gintoki
    Go take a bath and cool yourself off!
[08:37] Gintoki
    You've gotten my futon all sweaty now!
[08:40] Kagura
    No.
[08:41] Kagura
    I don't have time for that.
[08:43] Kagura
    I have to fall asleep
    as soon as possible.
[08:50] Gintoki
    You're a busy person, huh?
[08:53] Gintoki
    First you want to sleep.
[08:54] Gintoki
    Now you're hungry.
[08:55] Gintoki
    I envy you!
[08:56] Gintoki
    It must be fun to have
    so many things to do!
[08:59] Kagura
    That isn't my stomach. I'm farting.
[09:01] Gintoki
    I don't care what it
    is! Can you be quiet?!
[09:04] Gintoki
    How long is that going to continue?!
[09:07] Gintoki
    It's so noisy I can't fall asleep.
[09:11] Gintoki
    Fine.
[09:12] Gintoki
    I'll go make you something to eat.
[09:14] Gintoki
    You go take a bath during that time.
[09:16] Kagura
    Food?!
[09:17] Gintoki
    Everybody feels like sleeping
    after a meal, right?
[09:20] Gintoki
    It's not very healthy, but that's
    a sacrifice you'll have to make.
[09:23] Gintoki
    At this rate, I won't be
    getting any sleep either.
[09:27] Kagura
    Gin-chan!
[09:28] Gintoki
    Man, you stink!
[09:29] Gintoki
    Stay away! Go take a bath!
[09:30] Kagura
    Thanks, Gin-chan!
[09:37] Kagura
    Gin-chan...
[09:40] Kagura
    Hey, Gin-chan...
[09:47] Gintoki
    What are you doing?
[09:49] Kagura
    I don't feel like sleeping at all.
[09:52] Kagura
    I took a bath,
[09:55] Kagura
    but I'm having trouble breathing
    so I can't fall asleep!
[09:58] Gintoki
    Who told you to eat so much that you'd
    start breathing with your diaphragm?!
[10:01] Gintoki
    Of course you can't fall asleep
    when your stomach's that full!
[10:03] Kagura
    But...
[10:04] Kagura
    You made all that food...
[10:08] Gintoki
    The rest of that was for breakfast!
[10:10] Gintoki
    Why did you eat my share, stupid brat?!
[10:12] Kagura
    It's no use...
[10:14] Kagura
    I'm in so much pain I
    can't even turn over...
[10:16] Kagura
    I'll go run myself into shape...
[10:19] Kagura
    By taking a run.
[10:20] Gintoki
    Who told you to be witty?!
[10:22] Gintoki
    Cut it out!
[10:23] Gintoki
    That'll just put us
    back where we started!
[10:26] Gintoki
    Ah...
[10:27] Gintoki
    Fine.
[10:28] Gintoki
    You don't have to work tomorrow.
[10:30] Gintoki
    Shinpachi and I can handle it.
[10:32] Gintoki
    So don't force yourself to sleep.
[10:34] Gintoki
    Just let me sleep, okay?
[10:36] Kagura
    No!
[10:37] Kagura
    Staying up late is bad for my skin!
[10:39] Gintoki
    Someone whose stomach
    is sticking all the
[10:41] ---
    way out shouldn't be talking about skin care!
[10:43] Gintoki
    Come on.
[10:44] Gintoki
    It's already 4:00.
[10:45] Gintoki
    I have to wake up at 7:00 tomorrow.
[10:46] Gintoki
    That's in three hours.
[10:48] Gintoki
    That'd even make Napoleon bitch
    at his mom in the morning!
[10:51] Gintoki
    He'd probably whine about the
    quality of the miso soup!
[10:53] Gintoki
    "The word eggplant is
    not in my dictionary."
[10:59] Kagura
    Fine.
[11:01] Kagura
    I'll stop making a fuss.
[11:02] Kagura
    I won't bother you anymore.
[11:05] Kagura
    You already fed me.
[11:10] Kagura
    But if it's too quiet, I
    start thinking about stuff.
[11:14] Kagura
    Can I turn on the radio?
[11:17] Gintoki
    If you keep the volume down.
[11:23] DJ
    Young Night Train!
[11:25] DJ
    So let's get started!
[11:28] DJ
    This is DJ Junnijiro, who just
    had a kidney stone removed,
[11:32] DJ
    with stories that make you
    cry within three minutes!
[11:40] DJ
    Young Night Train!
[11:45] DJ
    So let's get started!
[11:47] DJ
    This is DJ Junnijiro with stories that
    make you cry within three minutes!
[11:51] DJ
    Allow me to introduce the first letter.
[11:53] DJ
    This letter is from Radio Name Tom.
[11:57] DJ
    "Sorry, Jerry."
[12:02] N
    I will never forget about
    the first friend I ever had.
[12:06] N
    It happened during summer ten years ago.
[12:11] N
    I was a shy and quiet child
    who always played by myself.
[12:17] N
    So my father brought me a friend.
[12:20] N
    That was Jerry.
[12:27] N
    Jerry and I were always together.
[12:30] N
    We went everywhere together.
[12:32] N
    We did everything together.
[12:35] N
    Just like real friends.
[12:40] N
    I taught him many tricks.
[12:43] Tom
    Wait!
[12:48] N
    Jerry's best trick was to wait.
[12:50] N
    He would wait as long as I told him,
[12:52] N
    even when a feast was placed before him.
[12:58] N
    I didn't need any friends besides Jerry.
[13:01] N
    That's how I felt at the time.
[13:05] N
    But on the other hand,
[13:07] N
    an increasing number
    of children showed up
[13:09] ---
    who were interested in Jerry.
[13:13] N
    The next thing I knew, I'd made
    lots of friends besides Jerry.
[13:18] Tom
    Wait.
[13:24] N
    It didn't take very long
    for my interest to shift
[13:27] ---
    from Jerry to other things.
[13:30] N
    Jerry longed to play with
    me the way we used to.
[13:35] N
    Jerry would bark at me.
[13:37] N
    That was when his best
    trick would come in handy.
[13:41] N
    I would say one word to Jerry.
[13:43] N
    "Wait."
[13:44] N
    Jerry would always wait
    there for my return.
[13:49] N
    Without moving an inch.
[13:50] N
    He just waited for me to return.
[13:56] N
    By chance, my father's
    store went out of business,
[13:59] N
    and my affluent family fell to ruin.
[14:02] N
    Chased by debtors,
[14:05] N
    we were forced to escape with
    only the clothes on our backs.
[14:09] N
    Though I was only a child,
[14:12] N
    I was still able to understand what
    must be abandoned in that situation.
[14:19] N
    Perhaps he realized his own fate.
[14:22] N
    Jerry chased after me without pause.
[14:35] Tom
    Wait!
[14:37] N
    I delivered the usual
    word in a cold voice.
[14:45] N
    Wait.
[14:48] N
    I left Jerry behind without
    ever looking back.
[14:57] N
    A few months later, I
    returned to that spot.
[15:03] N
    I had already moved to a faraway city,
[15:06] N
    but I couldn't stop
    thinking about Jerry.
[15:10] N
    Jerry had to be fine.
[15:12] N
    Somebody must have taken him in.
[15:15] N
    In retrospect, I probably
    wanted peace of mind.
[15:20] N
    I wanted to see Jerry
    alive as soon as I could,
[15:25] N
    so I wouldn't have to feel guilty.
[15:32] N
    Jerry hadn't become someone
    else's pet or a rotting corpse.
[15:37] N
    Jerry was waiting as always.
[15:41] N
    Without moving a step.
[15:42] N
    Waiting for my return.
[15:47] Old man
    Sad, isn't it?
[15:49] Old man
    He was abandoned there a while back.
[15:53] Old man
    Kind people would try
    to take him with them,
[15:56] Old man
    or feed him or the like.
[15:59] Old man
    But this boy refused to budge at all.
[16:05] Old man
    In time, people stopped
    paying attention to him.
[16:11] Old man
    He couldn't have expected
    his owner to return.
[16:16] Old man
    Either way, it's a sad story.
[16:23] N
    I reached out to softly pat his head,
[16:26] N
    and his eyelids slowly
    parted to look up at me.
[16:31] N
    Jerry's tail wagged ever so slightly.
[16:36] N
    And then, he never moved again.
[16:42] Old man
    Little lady...
[16:44] Old man
    I see, you were his owner.
[16:49] Tom
    Jerry was waiting for me to come back!
[16:53] Tom
    Waiting the whole time...
[16:55] Tom
    The whole time...
[16:59] Tom
    Jerry!
[17:01] Tom
    How can I apologize to you?!
[17:04] Tom
    How many times do I need
    to apologize to you?!
[17:06] Tom
    You gave me so much!
[17:09] Tom
    You taught me how to shed my
    loneliness when I was all alone!
[17:13] Tom
    You opened up the world to me!
[17:16] Tom
    You were my first friend!
[17:19] Tom
    And yet...
[17:20] Tom
    I...
[17:21] Tom
    I did...
[17:24] Tom
    I did such a terrible thing
    to my precious friend!
[17:29] Old man
    There's no need to apologize.
[17:31] Old man
    He was always waiting for you.
[17:34] Old man
    And you came.
[17:36] Old man
    What else did he need?
[17:39] Old man
    He must have been happy to
    meet his owner in the end.
[17:44] Tom
    That's not true! He must hate me!
[17:46] Tom
    Because I was the one who
    caused Jerry's death!
[17:50] Old man
    Jerry isn't dead.
[17:52] Old man
    He's still alive.
[17:54] Tom
    Where?!
[17:55] Tom
    Where is he?!
[17:57] Old man
    Of course...
[18:01] Old man
    Right behind you!
[18:11] Gintoki
    What is this?
[18:13] Gintoki
    What kind of story is this?
[18:15] Gintoki
    Why did a touching story turn
    into a scary story at the end?!
[18:17] Gintoki
    How would this make people cry?!
[18:19] Gintoki
    More like cry out in terror!
[18:22] Gintoki
    I can't sleep after hearing
    such a crazy story!
[18:26] Gintoki
    The station must be getting
    barraged by complaints right now!
[18:28] Gintoki
    That really caught me off guard.
[18:30] Gintoki
    Not that I was scared or anything.
[18:33] Gintoki
    Hey, Kagura!
[18:34] Gintoki
    No more radio!
[18:35] Gintoki
    I can't listen to this...
[18:40] Gintoki
    H-Huh? She fell asleep.
[18:46] Gintoki
    R-Really...
[18:47] Gintoki
    She finally fell asleep?
[18:49] Gintoki
    Way to cause so much trouble.
[18:52] Gintoki
    That's a relief...
[18:54] Gintoki
    Now I can sleep in peace.
[18:57] Gintoki
    Then I'll go to sleep, too.
[19:14] Old man
    Right behind you!
[19:21] Gintoki
    Y-Yeah, right...
[19:24] Gintoki
    Y'know...
[19:26] Gintoki
    That crazy story isn't
    enough to scare me.
[19:29] Gintoki
    Though it surprised me a bit.
[19:31] Gintoki
    That was just a comedy.
[19:32] Gintoki
    There isn't much of a difference
    between horror and comedy.
[19:35] Gintoki
    This was totally...
[19:36] Old man
    Right behind you!
[19:40] Gintoki
    C-Crap...
[19:42] Gintoki
    I'm starting to hear things 'cause
    I didn't get enough sleep.
[19:45] Gintoki
    Hey, now I can't fall asleep...?
[20:01] Gintoki
    Ah. Sorry if I woke you up, Kagura.
[20:03] Gintoki
    Looks like I'm sick.
[20:07] Gintoki
    K-Kagura-chan. You're
    actually awake, right?
[20:10] Gintoki
    You were wide awake just a second ago.
[20:12] Gintoki
    This isn't funny, seriously.
[20:21] Gintoki
    Kagura-chan?
[20:22] Gintoki
    Hey, are you listening?
[20:23] Gintoki
    You're awake, right?
[20:25] Gintoki
    Awake, right?
[20:31] Gintoki
    Wake up!
[20:32] Gintoki
    Don't mess with me!
[20:33] Gintoki
    How much effort do you think
    I spent to put you to sleep?!
[20:37] Gintoki
    You just abandon me the
    second you're done?!
[20:39] Gintoki
    You could at least talk with me a bit!
[20:42] Gintoki
    You could at least come with
    me when I go to take a piss!
[20:44] Gintoki
    Are you going to keep
    pretending to sleep?
[20:47] Gintoki
    I'll beat you awake...
[20:52] Gintoki
    Okay, that's good.
[20:53] Gintoki
    Bring it on!
[20:54] Gintoki
    Like you're ready to die!
[20:56] Gintoki
    If you're gonna hit me, you
    had better knock me out!
[20:58] Gintoki
    No, really...
[20:59] Gintoki
    Please knock me out!
[21:01] Gintoki
    Somebody put me to sleep!
[22:37] ---
    Okay, gather round.
[22:39] ---
    Since the movie has been
    delayed until summer,
[22:41] ---
    we need to brainstorm and
    figure out what to do
[22:44] ---
    after the TV series ends in
    March until the movie comes out.
[22:47] ---
    Okay!
[22:47] ---
    Wait!  The TV series ends this spring?!
[22:50] ---
    Nobody told me that!
[22:51] ---
    Too late now.
[22:52] ---
    The plan was to have the movie come
    out right after the TV series ended.
[22:56] ---
    And hell...
[22:58] ---
    Before the gorilla author
    produced this finished script,
[23:01] ---
    he had to go through all
    the rewrites over here.
[23:04] ---
    Why is there so much paper?
[23:05] ---
    Was the gorilla trying
    to make a Ben Hur?
[23:08] ---
    Uh, kids these days
    won't recognize Ben Hur.
[23:10] ---
    So how do we buy time?
[23:12] ---
    Eh...
[23:13] ---
    We could run another special that
    covers one of the longer arcs.
[23:17] ---
    Any suggestions?
[23:18] ---
    Ooh!  I think that
[23:20] ---
    "Sleep Helps a Child Grow
    Arc the New Translation"
[23:23] ---
    is best!
[23:23] ---
    Hey!  Today's episode wasn't a long arc!
[23:26] ---
    And what is there to add?
[23:29] ---
    Okay, we'll go with that.
[23:30] ---
    Uh, that's not gonna happen!
SIGN    Next Episode
[23:36] ---
    Father, it's been a while.
SIGN    Shimura Ken
[23:38] ---
    I have something to tell you today.
[23:41] ---
    I think it's time to begin.
[23:45] ---
    You want to recruit new students?!
[23:47] ---
    I found the perfect person to help us.
[23:49] ---
    He's a student of the
    School of Tendo Mushin
[23:51] ---
    and he can use beam sabers.
[23:55] ---
    Hajime-nii!
[23:56] ---
    You've gotten pretty big,
[23:58] ---
    Shin-bo!
SIGN    The Sound of a Beam  can Pierce Every Heart
SIGN    Otae attempts to rebuild the family dojo when a man appears before her.
SIGN    He is a former instructor who went missing. What secret does he hide...?
[24:20] ---
    

E262 - The Sound of a Beam Can Pierce Every Heart
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Shimura Ken
[01:33] Otae
    Father, it's been a while.
[01:36] Otae
    Father, I have something
    to tell you today.
[01:39] Otae
    I think it's time to begin.
[01:42] Otae
    I will become the character
    I was created to be.
[01:46] Otae
    It's time to restore the Kodokan
    Dojo you left us, Father.
[01:51] Otae
    Sorry to make you wait 260 episodes.
[01:54] Otae
    It's not that I forgot my character.
[01:56] Otae
    And I wasn't tired of the role.
[01:58] Otae
    I had to save up money first.
[02:01] Otae
    I promise to make the dojo better
    than when you were still around.
[02:05] Otae
    Please support me.
[02:08] Obi
    Oh?
[02:09] Obi
    Are you Otae-chan?
SIGN    The Sound of a Beam  Can Pierce Every Heart
SIGN    Kodokan Dojo
[02:18] Shin
    What?! You want to
    recruit new students?!
[02:21] Shin
    S-Sis, I thought you forgot the
    original purpose of your character!
[02:25] Shin
    Weren't you going to
    focus on your night dojo?
[02:28] Otae
    Please, do I really look like
    such a heartless woman?
[02:32] Otae
    Do your best and let
    nature take its course.
[02:35] Otae
    I went to Tsudaya the other day,
[02:37] ---
    and I received a signal
    that it was time.
[02:39] Shin
    It's because you rewatched volume 2
    of the DVDs and remembered!
[02:43] Otae
    I acquired a fair amount
    of money in episode 200,
[02:45] ---
    so I think now is the ideal time.
[02:48] Gin
    What are you babbling about?
[02:50] Gin
    Nobody's gonna pay money to learn
    how to use a sword these days.
[02:54] Gin
    The age of using swords has ended.
[02:57] Gin
    It's now the age of much
    younger wives using Kato-chan.
[03:01] Shin
    When did we start talking
    about Kato-chan and Ken-chan?!
[03:03] Kag
    Kids don't dream about becoming
    samurai or ninja anymore.
[03:08] Kag
    They want to become
    Kato-chan's wife or part of
[03:12] ---
    a backup band working up
    to becoming an idol.
SIGN    My Future Dream:  Backup Band
[03:14] Shin
    We don't live in an age
    of evil conspiracies!
[03:17] Otae
    That's why this dojo is needed.
[03:19] Otae
    A part of ancient Japanese
    culture is fading away.
[03:24] Otae
    It's our duty to protect it by passing
    this knowledge to the next generation.
[03:29] Gin
    But do you even know what
    a kendo glove smells like?
[03:33] Gin
    Those things should get a new job
    as the straw used to wrap natto.
[03:38] Gin
    And in anime, the mask makes it
    impossible to tell who it is.
[03:41] Gin
    And when people thrust,
[03:42] ---
    you'd think they were striking to kill.
[03:44] Gin
    Isn't it our duty to end that
    practice with our generation?
[03:47] Shin
    Are you really a swordsman?
[03:49] Otae
    It's true that there are aspects
    that no longer apply,
[03:52] Otae
    so I believe it's important to evolve
    and adapt certain practices
[03:56] ---
    while maintaining the tradition.
[03:59] Otae
    The school of Tendo Mushin
    needs a slight renewal.
[04:03] Shin
    Renewal?
[04:04] Otae
    Yes.
[04:10] Otae
    To the school of Tendo
    Mushin beam sabers!
SIGN    Tendo Mushin Beam Sabers
[04:15] Shin
    What happened to tradition?!
[04:17] Kag
    But beam sabers will resonate with
    kids, and maybe with the Amanto.
[04:23] Shin
    Uh, that's not the issue here.
[04:25] Shin
    And who's going to teach
    them how to use beam sabers?
[04:28] Otae
    That's all worked out already.
[04:30] Shin
    Huh?
[04:31] Otae
    I've found the perfect person.
[04:33] Otae
    He knows the School of Tendo Mushin
    and he can use beam sabers.
[04:37] Shin
    Huh?
[04:39] Otae
    You'll be so surprised, Shin-chan.
[04:46] Obi
    Hey, long time no see.
[04:50] Obi
    You've gotten pretty big, Shin-bo!
[05:02] Shin
    Ha—
[05:04] Shin
    Hajime-nii!
[05:06] Obi
    Whoa!
[05:09] Obi
    You've gotten pretty strong, too!
[05:11] Shin
    Hajime-nii, you're alive!
[05:13] Shin
    That's great! Just great!
[05:17] Gin
    Huh? A former instructor?
[05:20] Otae
    Yes, this was back when
    our dojo was busy.
[05:24] Obi
    The name's Obi Hajime!
SIGN    Obi Hajime
[05:27] Obi
    If that's a pain to say, call me Obi-one!
SIGN    Obi Hajime
    Obi-one
[05:29] Gin
    No, that would be an even bigger pain.
[05:32] Obi
    Sounds like you've been
    taking care of Otae-chan
[05:34] ---
    and Shin-bo while I was gone.
[05:36] Obi
    Let me express my gratitude.
[05:38] Obi
    Thank you very hamnida!
[05:39] Gin
    Thank you? Hamnida? So
    which country are you from?
[05:43] Otae
    Obi-one-niisama has been wandering
    around space for a long time,
[05:46] Otae
    so he's picked up some words
    from different planets.
[05:50] Obi
    Soz for being so hard to understand!
[05:52] Gin
    Uh, how do you pick up a
    word like "soz" from space?
[05:54] Shin
    Gin-san, Hajime-nii is really amazing.
[05:57] Shin
    He became an instructor at
    our dojo at a young age,
[05:59] Shin
    and his skill was known around Edo!
[06:02] Shin
    Once his talent was recognized,
[06:04] ---
    he was chosen to study abroad
    and took off into space.
[06:07] Shin
    But the teleportation device at the terminal
[06:09] ---
    exploded while he was there,
[06:11] Shin
    so we thought he would never return.
[06:16] Obi
    When the device blew up,
[06:18] ---
    I was miraculously teleported
    to a planet way out there.
[06:21] Obi
    While there, I figured I might as
    well learn how they used swords,
[06:25] Obi
    but before I knew it, I was
    the strongest one around.
[06:28] Obi
    I would then move on to the
    next planet, and so on,
[06:33] Obi
    until people started calling
    me Galaxy Sword Master.
SIGN    Galaxy Sword Master
[06:39] Obi
    People stopped challenging me.
[06:43] Obi
    It got boring, so I came back to Edo.
[06:46] Shin
    Wow! Galaxy Sword Master!
[06:49] Shin
    You're awesome, Hajime-nii!
[06:51] Obi
    Nah, I'm still nothing 
    compared to your old man.
[06:52] Gin
    Hey, what's a Galaxy Sword Master?
[06:55] Kag
    His character is dumb
    and his title is dumb.
[06:55] Obi
    He was one strong samurai.
[06:59] Obi
    I never thought the
    dojo would shut down.
[07:03] Obi
    Shin-bo, Otae-chan...
[07:05] Obi
    Soz for not being here to
    help when you needed me.
[07:09] Obi
    If I can help you with the beam saber
    that I mastered out in space,
[07:13] Obi
    I'll do whatever you ask!
[07:17] Obi
    I'm getting excited!
[07:18] Gin
    Watch it!
[07:20] Obi
    Let's work together to
    revive your old man's dojo!
[07:24] Obi
    And we'll make Kodokan the number
    one dojo in the universe!
[07:28] Obi
    Hip, hip, hooray!
[07:35] Gin
    Weren't we reviving it?
[07:40] Otae
    Hey, hey! Come on
    down! Have a looksee!
SIGN    School of Tendo Mushin Beam Saber
[07:43] Otae
    We're starting up a new school in Edo!
[07:47] Shin
    The School of Tendo Mushin Beam Saber!
[07:50] Otae
    We're moving into the age of beams!
[07:53] Shin
    You can do anything with beams!
[07:54] Shin
    Remove the wrinkles and
    moles from your face!
[07:57] Shin
    Pierce the heart of your favorite girl!
[07:59] Shin
    Let's beam it up together!
[08:01] Gin
    Uh, so why are we
    beaming it up with you?
[08:05] Obi
    This is bad, Gintoki-dono!
[08:07] Obi
    Nobody's stopping!
[08:09] Gin
    Uh, why are you telling me this?
[08:11] Obi
    How 'bout it? Let's spar
    a little to show them
[08:13] ---
    what beam sabers are about!
[08:15] Gin
    Wait, I've never used a beam
    saber before and I don't want to.
[08:19] Obi
    How can you say that when you're
[08:21] ---
    going to be a founder of
    the School of Beam Saber?
[08:23] Gin
    What?
[08:24] Obi
    Don't play dumb. You and Otae-chan 
    have this going on, right?
[08:28] Gin
    What's that supposed to mean?
[08:29] Gin
    I've never seen that gesture before!
[08:31] Gin
    And this guy's shooting
    beams out of his pinky?!
[08:33] Obi
    You know what I mean.
[08:34] Obi
    You've been sticking your
    beam inside Otae-chan's...
[08:40] Otae
    Please stop it, Obi-one-niisama.
[08:43] Otae
    We have no such relationship.
[08:44] Obi
    That's the Otae-chan I remember.
[08:46] Obi
    You've already mastered
    the art of the beam saber.
[08:48] Gin
    You mean she's mastered
    how to jam it in your ass!
[08:51] Shin
    No kidding. You're the one who
    doesn't understand, Hajime-nii.
[08:54] Shin
    Sis wouldn't want to
    hear her first love say...
[08:58] Gin
    Wait, so he's her first love?
[09:00] Gin
    He's her first love?
[09:01] Kag
    Seriously? That's what
    the boss lady likes?
[09:04] Otae
    Keep your mouth shut!
    Want me to slaughter you?!
[09:06] Kon
    Uh, excuse me.
[09:10] Both
    We want to join
[09:13] Both
    the School of Beam Saber!
[09:15] Gin
    As if we wanted these freaks!
[09:18] Kon
    If it's that awesome, Kyubei-kun,
    I'd love to try this, uh...
[09:22] Kyu
    What was it called,
    Kondo-kun? Beachy Diarrhea?
[09:26] Kon
    No, that's not it.
[09:27] Kon
    Wasn't it Beach Sandal, Kyubei-kun?
[09:30] Gin
    Wait, when did they become friends?!
[09:32] Gin
    The stalkers have teamed up
    because her first love is here!
[09:36] Kon
    But before we join, we'll
    need a demonstration
[09:39] ---
    to see how awesome this really is.
[09:40] Kyu
    That's right.
[09:42] ---
    Would you be willing
    to spar with us first?
[09:44] Obi
    Sure, I'd love to do that.
[09:46] Obi
    I can't wait!
[09:48] Obi
    It's been years since
    I fought a samurai!
[09:51] Gin
    They're not fighting like samurai!
[09:53] Both
    Die!
[09:55] Gin
    Way to blurt out your intent!
[10:08] Obi
    That's no good, you two.
[10:10] Obi
    If you fire those in the middle
    of town, people will die.
[10:13] Obi
    Huh? What about me?
[10:15] Obi
    I'm just fine.
[10:23] Obi
    Though, I'm only half human now.
[10:35] A
    Kenofi, Kenofi, come in, come in!
[10:39] A
    No good. He's not responding.
[10:41] A
    He's running solo again.
[10:43] A
    That guy is so much trouble.
[10:45] B
    Forget about him.
[10:46] B
    I believe that this
    planet is his homeland.
[10:49] B
    Let the man say his farewells.
[10:57] Obi
    Whew, we managed to recruit enough
    students to get started.
SIGN    Welcome New Students
    Tendo Mushin Beam Saber
[11:01] Obi
    Welcome to the School of
    Tendo Mushin Beam Saber!
[11:04] Obi
    Soz about what happened back there.
[11:08] Obi
    You guys were so strong that
    I couldn't hold myself back.
[11:13] Obi
    But this means that we have
    the seven strongest samurai
[11:15] ---
    to get this school started off.
[11:17] Obi
    We're going to make the School
    of Beam Saber the best there is!
[11:21] Obi
    Right, Instructor Sakata?
[11:23] Gin
    Sure, Instructor Obi-one.
[11:26] Gin
    I can't even be bothered
    to complain anymore.
[11:28] Obi
    Anyway, tonight we celebrate
    our new beginning!
[11:32] Shin
    Do you want beer, Hajime-nii?
[11:33] Obi
    Nah, give me some shochu with gasoline!
[11:36] Otae
    Please, Obi-one-niisama.
    You're such a joker.
[11:43] Kon
    Uh, excuse me, Instructor Obi-one.
[11:46] Kon
    I have a question.
[11:47] Obi
    What's up?
[11:48] Kon
    I now understand how
    amazing beam sabers are.
[11:51] Kon
    The thing is...
[11:53] Kon
    Even if we train under
    the School of Beam Saber,
[11:56] Kon
    I don't see how we can learn to do that.
[12:00] Obi
    Don't worry.
[12:02] Obi
    It's easy once you've learned the trick.
[12:04] Obi
    Right, Instructor Sakata?
[12:08] Gin
    Sure, you know how
    one day, you take the
[12:11] ---
    training wheels off your bike,
    and suddenly you can ride it?
[12:13] Gin
    It's just like that.
[12:14] Kon
    Wait, I'm positive that you can't
    do that stuff, Instructor Sakata!
[12:17] Kon
    You still need your training wheels!
[12:19] Kyu
    Honestly, I don't see how a
    human could ever pull that off.
[12:24] Kyu
    And that mechanical arm...
[12:27] Kyu
    You said that you were only half human.
[12:30] Kyu
    What did you mean by that?
[12:35] Obi
    You think there's something
    special about this arm?
[12:37] Obi
    This is just a mechanical arm to
    replace the one I lost in the accident.
[12:41] Gin
    That's not nice, Kyubei.
[12:43] Gin
    You shouldn't start accusing
    people because they beat you.
[12:45] Gin
    It takes strength to
    admit your weaknesses.
[12:48] Gin
    Now you have to write the word "jobber"
    a hundred times before tomorrow.
[12:52] Kyu
    And you have to write the
    word "moron" a hundred times.
[12:56] Gin
    How do you spell that?
[12:59] Kag
    Like this, Instructor!
SIGN    Gintoki
[13:01] Obi
    If you don't trust me,
    I'll show you my body.
[13:04] Obi
    I meant exactly what I said back there.
[13:08] Obi
    After wandering around the galaxy,
[13:10] ---
    half my body is no longer
    that of an Earthling.
[13:12] Obi
    The other half hasn't
    forgotten the spirit of Edo.
[13:20] Obi
    What do you think?
[13:23] Kon
    Don't you mean you're 
    half Edo and half robot?!
[13:26] Obi
    That's what I said.
[13:28] Obi
    The beam saber didn't
    come from my right arm.
[13:31] Obi
    It came from the mechanical
    right side of my body.
[13:35] Kon
    What the hell?!
[13:36] Shin
    Huh?!
[13:37] Shin
    What's going on?!
[13:38] Shin
    What happened to your body, Hajime-nii?!
[13:41] Otae
    O-Obi-one-niisama...
[13:43] Obi
    What? You didn't realize
    that I was a cyborg?
[13:48] Obi
    Man, you guys don't pay attention!
[13:49] Obi
    Right, Instructor Sakata?
[13:51] Gin
    Huh? What?
SIGN    Gintoki  Gintoki  Gintoki
    Gintoki  Gin
[13:52] Gin
    We're having hamburger
    steak tomorrow. Really?
[13:54] Kon
    Cyborg! This guy's piss drunk!
[13:57] Shin
    You're a cyborg, Hajime-nii?
[13:59] Obi
    Yeah. You see, when I was
    caught in the explosion,
[14:04] ---
    the right half of my body
    was mortally damaged.
[14:08] Obi
    I'm embarrassed to admit that, well...
[14:10] Obi
    I already died once.
[14:12] Shin
    Wh-What?!
[14:14] A
    We'll make him half that.
[14:14] Shin
    Y-You already died once?!
[14:15] B
    And half this.
[14:16] Shin
    Th-That means...
[14:18] Obi
    Luckily, the technology on the
    planet was advanced enough
[14:21] ---
    that they could revive me
    by mechanizing half my body.
[14:25] Obi
    I would become the strongest
    swordsman in the galaxy.
[14:30] Obi
    I returned from hell to achieve the
    dream that had once... died...
[14:37] Shin
    Hajime-nii!
[14:38] Kag
    Hey! Did he go back to hell already?!
[14:42] Shin
    Hajime-nii!
[14:43] Shin
    Pull it together!
[14:43] Shin
    What's wrong?!
[14:46] Obi
    Give me shochu with gasoline!
[14:49] Otae
    Oh, no, I thought he was joking.
[14:52] Otae
    I'll go buy some gasoline, so Shin-chan,
[14:53] Otae
    take him to the bedroom!
[14:54] Shin
    S-Sis!
[14:56] Kon
    Otae-san!
[15:06] Shin
    Gengai-san, how does he look?
[15:11] Gen
    Unfortunately, the problem
    isn't that he's out of gasoline.
[15:16] Gen
    Who fed him this junk?
[15:19] Gen
    This matter doesn't exist on Earth.
[15:22] Gen
    As far as I know, nothing like this has
    been discovered in the universe yet.
[15:26] Kag
    That's boss lady's...
[15:28] Otae
    He must have eaten something
    bad out in space.
[15:31] Otae
    Obi-one-niisama is such a slob.
[15:34] Gen
    Whatever. I got him to spit up the junk,
[15:38] Gen
    so give him some shochu with gasoline.
[15:41] Gen
    That's the only thing his body can take.
[15:44] Shin
    U-Uh, Gengai-san!
[15:46] Shin
    Is Hajime-nii...
[15:49] Gen
    His human heart has stopped beating.
[15:53] Gen
    All life-sustaining operations are
    performed by the right side of his body.
[15:57] Gen
    In other words, the machine
    is keeping him alive.
[16:09] Shin
    I thought he was finally back.
[16:13] Shin
    This is terrible.
[16:15] Shin
    He can't live without
    that machine... That's just...
[16:20] Otae
    Shin-chan...
[16:22] Otae
    No matter how much he changes,
[16:24] ---
    he'll still be the same person.
[16:26] Otae
    And you can't let him see
    that look on your face.
[16:32] Otae
    Have you forgotten the promise we made?
[16:37] Otae
    Geez, how many times 
    do I have to tell you?!
[16:40] Otae
    Whether you're swinging your 
    sword or doing anything else,
[16:42] ---
    you must maintain your form!
[16:44] Otae
    Pretend that there's a rod 
    sticking through your body,
[16:48] Otae
    and you can only move by 
    rotating around that rod!
[16:54] Shin
    I don't understand, Sis!
[16:56] Shin
    There's no rod in my body!
[17:00] Otae
    Geez, I told you to stop crying!
[17:03] Otae
    You're the son of a samurai, Shin-chan!
[17:05] Shin
    But...
[17:06] Otae
    Don't make excuses!
[17:08] A
    Those kids are at it again.
[17:10] Ken
    Hey! What are you doing?!
[17:12] A
    Crap, it's the master!
[17:15] Otae
    Father!
[17:16] Otae
    Help me talk some sense into him.
[17:18] Otae
    All Shin-chan does is cry, 
    and he won't stop.
[17:21] Otae
    And everybody's laughing 
    at how loud we are.
[17:23] ---
    It's embarrassing.
[17:24] Ken
    Both of you are too loud!
[17:34] Obi
    You siblings cry all the time.
[17:36] Obi
    Why's that? Are you getting paid?
[17:39] Obi
    I'll pay you more, then, so laugh!
[17:43] Otae
    Ha—
[17:44] Shin
    Hajime-nii...
[17:45] Obi
    Listen up, you two.
[17:47] Obi
    Tears are handy for washing away 
    troubling and sad feelings.
[17:55] Obi
    But when you grow up, you'll learn
[17:58] Obi
    that there are things so sad, they 
    can never be washed away by tears.
[18:03] Obi
    That there are painful memories 
    that should never be washed away.
[18:09] Obi
    So people who are truly strong 
    laugh when they want to cry.
[18:14] Obi
    They endure all of the pain and sorrow
[18:17] Obi
    while laughing with everybody else.
[18:21] Obi
    You can cry all you want right now.
[18:24] Obi
    But one day, you must become 
    samurai strong enough not to cry.
[18:28] Otae
    Oh, so that's why you're 
    always laughing.
[18:32] Shin
    I-I want to become strong like you!
[18:35] Obi
    Really?
[18:37] Obi
    Then stop practicing the sword for 
     today, and start practicing laughing!
[18:46] Obi
    More, Otae-chan!
[18:49] Obi
    Not good enough, Shin-bo!
[18:51] Obi
    Like this!
[18:56] Ken
    All three of you are too loud!
[19:02] Obi
    Darn, crying won't make 
    this pain go away.
[19:14] Otae
    No matter what's happened to him,
[19:16] ---
    we were able to see
    Obi-one-niisama again.
[19:21] Otae
    We were able to see his smile again.
[19:27] Otae
    Isn't that
[19:30] ---
    enough?
[19:34] Shin
    Sis...
[19:55] Hiji
    Where did you go?
[19:57] Hiji
    We've got trouble right now.
[20:00] Hiji
    Earth may come to an end.
[20:03] Kon
    Oh, I don't see a problem
[20:06] Kon
    since my life's already over.
[20:08] Kon
    My love has come to an end,
[20:09] Kon
    so everyone else's lives might as well end.
[20:12] Oki
    He clearly wants attention right now.
[20:15] Oki
    I sure as hell don't want
    to listen to him gripe.
[20:18] Hiji
    It'll just be a waste of time, so let's
    tell him what's up and get to work.
[20:22] Tojo
    Lady!
[20:24] Tojo
    Hey! Where have you been?!
[20:27] Tojo
    Edo is in big trouble!
[20:31] Tojo
    We've got big trouble here, too!
[20:34] Kyu
    I'm disgusted with myself.
[20:37] Kyu
    I was trying to kill someone
    that Tae-chan truly cared about.
[20:42] Kyu
    I'm tainted! I'm the one
    who deserves to be killed!
[20:45] Tojo
    Calm down, Lady!
[20:47] Tojo
    Turn on the TV first!
[20:48] Tojo
    The human race is about
    to be killed off!
[20:50] Kyu
    Don't touch me!
[20:53] Tojo
    Oh, she noticed.
SIGN    Machine Hall
[20:56] Gin
    Did you call me out here because
    there's some kind of problem?
[21:00] Gen
    Actually, I noticed something
    when I was checking his body.
[21:05] Gen
    I couldn't do anything
    about it, so I ignored it.
[21:10] Kon
    Planet Beam?
[21:11] Hiji
    They're known for developing
    interstellar wave beam cannons.
[21:14] Hiji
    Basically, no other planet
    could compete with them
[21:17] ---
    at making beam cannons,
[21:20] Hiji
    but a few days ago,
[21:22] ---
    Earth started a proposal to
    ban the manufacturing and
[21:25] ---
    exporting of beam cannons
    because of the danger,
[21:29] Hiji
    and the proposal seems likely to pass.
[21:32] Hiji
    Those guys see that as a
    big thorn in their side.
[21:35] Hiji
    These people claim to be terrorists,
[21:37] Hiji
    but I'm guessing that...
[21:39] Ana
    It appears that you Earthlings do not
[21:41] ---
    understand how beneficial 
    lasers can be in daily life.
[21:46] Ana
    So we've sent a wonderful 
    present to help you understand.
[21:52] Gin
    Huh? What did they just say?
[21:55] Gen
    The mechanical half of his
    body contains a time-triggered
[21:59] ---
    interstellar wave beam cannon.
[22:02] Gen
    Its targets are the
    planets of the Alliance.
[22:05] Gen
    If the cannon is fired, the rest of
    the galaxy will declare war on Earth.
SIGN    To Be Continued
SIGN    Big Announcement
[23:45] Gin
    We have a big announcement
    about the second movie.
SIGN    Gintama the Movie ---- In theaters on ----- !!
[23:49] Gin
    Next week, the scratched-out
    areas will be revealed.
[23:53] Gin
    Hey, dads. Don't try to
    spread butter on the screen.
[23:57] Gin
    That's not what this is for.
SIGN    Two Brothers
[24:01] Shin
    Next time: Two Brothers.
SIGN    Planet Beam is threatening Planet Earth,
SIGN    and Obi Hajime was their advance party!!
SIGN    The Shimura siblings are  unsure about what to do,
SIGN    but Gintoki has made his choice.

E263 - Two Brothers
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Two Brothers
[01:37] Ana
    You have 24 hours until 
    the beam cannon fires.
[01:42] Ana
    If your decision comes too late,
[01:44] Ana
    tomorrow will be remembered
    in the history of space as
[01:48] Ana
    the day the star wars began,
    a day that will live in infamy.
[01:53] Ana
    And the first act of war will be to
    reduce Earth, the catalyst, to space dust.
[02:01] Ana
    It would be unwise to attempt to search
    this large planet for our present.
[02:08] Ana
    There is an emergency defense
    system built into it.
[02:12] Ana
    If you try anything funny,
    this planet will be destroyed
[02:15] ---
    before the beam cannon ever fires.
[02:18] Gin
    Did that guy come back
    to destroy his home?
[02:24] Gen
    As a planet, Beam and its population are
    basically one big weapons manufacturer.
[02:30] Gen
    But as a nation, they're too smart
    to butt into interstellar politics.
[02:34] Gen
    However, there's a group called the
    Firestarters who pulls strings to start wars.
[02:41] Gen
    The Galaxy Sword Master
    has made his name through
[02:44] ---
    his exploits in those wars.
[02:46] Gen
    But if he is, in truth, a fictitious hero
[02:49] ---
    whose purpose is to start those wars...
[02:53] Shin
    Hajime-nii!
[02:54] Shin
    Whew, you're awake!
[02:57] Shin
    Are you okay?
[03:02] Shin
    Hajime-nii...
[03:06] Obi
    Oh, Shin-bo.
[03:08] Obi
    As you can see, I'm doing fine!
[03:10] Obi
    Man, it's such a lovely morning!
[03:13] Obi
    Edo mornings are so beautiful.
[03:18] Obi
    How about it?
[03:19] ---
    Let's go for a jog like we used to.
[03:24] Shin
    Sure.
[03:26] Obi
    He probably doesn't realize
    that he's being used.
[03:32] Gin
    How do we stop the mechanical
    half of his body?
[03:38] Gin
    Spit it out.
[03:39] ---
    It's not something Shinpachi
    or Otae can handle.
[03:44] Hiji
    Okay, we will now chase down the
    interstellar wave beam cannon.
[03:49] Hiji
    Grab every person who looks suspicious.
[03:52] Oki
    Hijikata-san, what would
    be a suspicious person?
[03:57] Hiji
    Someone who looks like he
    might shoot out beams.
[03:58] Oki
    Hey, this guy's shooting
    idiot beams from his head.
[04:02] Oki
    Throw him in the slammer.
[04:03] Hiji
    Let me go!
[04:05] Hiji
    Want me to murder you guys?!
[04:06] Hiji
    Hey, Kondo-san! Say something!
[04:08] Hiji
    Hey, stop this!
[04:09] Kondo
    Someone who looks like he
    might shoot out beams...
[04:12] A
    This is the worst threat
    the nation has faced since
[04:15] ---
    the founding of the Tokugawa Bakufu!
[04:17] A
    The Yagyu must step up to
    score points with the Shogun!
[04:21] A
    Scratch that.
[04:22] A
    Step up to protect Edo!
[04:24] A
    More paper money!
[04:25] A
    Complete our celebrity blockade!
[04:28] A
    Hey, who included Takagi
    Boo with the celebrities?!
[04:32] B
    Didn't you say to use
    a Drifters blockade?
[04:34] A
    No, I said to use a celebrity
    blockade, Father!
[04:37] B
    Oh, then I should look
    for women who are easy.
[04:40] A
    No, that would be a **** blockade!
[04:41] Kyu
    Could it be...?
[04:45] Kag
    Hey, is this good enough?
[04:47] Kag
    I don't know since I've
    never done this before.
[04:50] Obi
    Temperature's perfect!
[04:51] Obi
    Thank you very hamnida!
[04:53] Obi
    Care to join me?!
[04:54] Kag
    Want me to kill you,
    Pervy Sword Master?!
[05:00] Obi
    A bath really hits the
    spot after some sparring.
[05:02] Obi
    Right, Shin-bo?
[05:05] Shin
    Are you trying to kill me?!
[05:09] Obi
    You need to scorch your delicate
    spots to make them squeaky clean!
[05:12] Shin
    What kind of gunk did you
    pick up out in space?!
[05:18] Gin
    Still, where is he hiding
    the beam cannon?
[05:23] Gin
    All I can see is a little pistol.
[05:29] Gen
    Listen to me, Gin-guy.
[05:31] Gen
    If you stab him with this blade I've
    rigged with a disruption device,
[05:35] ---
    it will delay the activation of
    the emergency defense system.
[05:39] Gen
    That will be your chance to destroy
[05:41] ---
    the mechanical half of his
    body and fully disable him.
[05:44] Gin
    What will happen to the
    human side of his body?
[05:47] Gen
    I already gave you an explanation.
[05:49] Gen
    That machine is keeping
    him alive right now.
[05:52] Gen
    If the machine is disabled, the human half
    of his body will go back to being dead.
[06:02] Otae
    What are you doing here?
[06:10] Otae
    Why are you carrying
    that weapon, Gin-san?
[06:16] Gin
    You know the answer.
[06:18] ---
    I'm here to cut down your first love.
[06:22] Otae
    You're not trying to hide it.
[06:26] Gin
    Half-assed lies don't work on women.
[06:30] Gin
    Your eyes are puffy.
[06:32] Gin
    That's what you get for eavesdropping.
[06:38] Obi
    You used to be so weak.
[06:40] Obi
    I could barely feel you
    scrubbing my back.
[06:43] Obi
    You've really grown up.
[06:45] Obi
    Though you haven't changed down there.
[06:48] Shin
    You're one to talk!
[06:51] Shin
    You're still out of my reach.
[06:54] Shin
    I'll never be able to catch up to you.
[06:57] Obi
    Shin-bo, you're already
    stronger than me.
[07:02] Obi
    All I got for leaving Earth
[07:06] ---
    was this beat-up body and the
    hollow title of Sword Master.
[07:15] Obi
    After returning to Edo and seeing
    you guys, I realized something.
[07:20] Obi
    If you can't find something
    close to protect,
[07:24] Obi
    you can wander the entire universe
[07:29] Obi
    and never achieve true strength.
[07:32] Obi
    I should have returned sooner to
    the country of the samurai.
[07:44] Shin
    Why does it sound like you've given up?
[07:49] Shin
    We can work together
    to find the answer.
[07:52] Shin
    We can work together to become strong.
[07:56] Shin
    So don't say that.
[08:00] Shin
    Our Hajime-nii would
    never look so defeated!
[08:11] Obi
    Shin-bo, so you know?
[08:16] Otae
    We understand.
[08:20] Otae
    So please, we won't ask
    you to wait until tomorrow,
[08:24] Otae
    but could you give us
    a little more time?
[08:27] Otae
    Please lower your sword,
[08:30] ---
    Gin-san.
[08:34] Shin
    I always wanted to introduce
    you and Gin-san to each other.
[08:40] Shin
    I always hoped that one day,
[08:42] ---
    the two of you would sit
    here next to each other
[08:46] ---
    while I washed your backs.
[08:49] Shin
    But now...
[08:51] Shin
    Why is it you?
[08:54] Shin
    Why did this have to happen?!
[09:00] Otae
    I beg you, Gin-san.
[09:03] Otae
    Just give us a little more time.
[09:06] Otae
    Let him
[09:09] Otae
    be Shin-chan's big brother
    a little longer.
[09:13] Obi
    I won't be able to restrain the
    other half of my body much longer.
[09:18] Obi
    I was prepared to end my own life,
[09:20] Obi
    but I came back to Edo
[09:24] Obi
    because I wanted to see you
    and Otae-chan one last time.
[09:30] Obi
    Soz about getting you
    into all this trouble.
[09:36] Obi
    But I'm glad I got to see this
    city of samurai one last time—
[09:47] Gin
    You're in my way.
[09:49] Gin
    Move it.
[09:51] Gin
    Why do you all have those
    looks on your faces?
[09:54] Gin
    Did you forget what the
    School of Beam Saber
[09:57] ---
    teaches about reacting
    in these situations?
[10:00] Gin
    Well, Instructor Obi-one?
[10:12] Shin
    Hajime-nii!
[10:15] Shin
    Stop it!
[10:16] Shin
    Gin-san!
[10:17] Shin
    Hajime-nii is still...
[10:18] Shin
    Still...
[10:19] Gin
    I told you, you're in my way!
[10:23] Kag
    Shinpachi!
[10:23] Otae
    Shin-chan!
[10:26] Gin
    Damn, he got away.
[10:30] Shin
    Please wait!
[10:32] Shin
    Why...
[10:33] Shin
    Why are you doing this?!
[10:35] Shin
    Why would you be so cruel?!
[10:38] Shin
    Hajime-nii knows everything!
[10:40] Shin
    He understands what's happening!
[10:42] Shin
    He's prepared to end his own life!
[10:46] Gin
    He can't do that.
[10:50] Gin
    It's not his body anymore.
[10:53] Gin
    You were washing a dead body
    with some junk attached.
[11:01] ---
    I dare you...
[11:03] Shin
    I dare you to repeat that.
[11:04] Otae
    Stop it, Shin-chan!
[11:07] Otae
    Please stop this, both of you!
[11:11] Gin
    Sorry, but I'm not interested
    in sitting around with
[11:15] ---
    a bunch of emotional saps,
    waiting for my death.
[11:19] Gin
    If you can't handle the job, I'll do it.
[11:23] Gin
    It's that simple.
[11:26] Shin
    Wait...
[11:29] Shin
    Wait.
[11:34] Shin
    I said to wait!
[11:36] Shin
    Are you deaf?!
[11:43] Otae
    Shin-chan!
[11:46] Shin
    How can two big brothers
    be so different?
[11:52] Gin
    Look at me.
[11:54] Gin
    Is this the face of a big brother?
[11:58] Shin
    True, your nose hairs are sticking out.
[12:02] Gin
    Oh, you're right.
[12:03] Otae
    Shin-chan!
[12:05] Otae
    Hang in there, Shin-chan!
[12:07] Otae
    Shin-chan!
[12:11] All
    Excuse us.
[12:15] Obi
    The emergency defense
    system hasn't activated.
[12:17] Obi
    That man must have done something.
[12:22] Obi
    Was he able to sense my
    intention to kill that boy?
[12:28] Yama
    Hey!
[12:30] Yama
    What are you doing up there?!
[12:35] Yama
    What the hell?!
[12:36] Yama
    He can shoot beams from his eyes!
[12:38] Yama
    After him!
[12:39] Yama
    Don't let him escape!
[12:44] A
    We can't find him.
[12:45] B
    Same here.
[12:47] Hiji
    You better find him before
    I finish smoking this.
[12:50] Hiji
    Shah that guy up before these curtain
    rings can "shah" the curtain shut.
[12:56] Both
    Or else it's seppuku time.
[12:58] Kag
    You middle management people are useless!
[13:01] Kag
    Get out of the way!
[13:02] Tojo
    I'll let you go if you
    tell us where he is.
[13:05] Kag
    That's what we want to know!
[13:08] Shin
    Can you cut it out?
[13:10] Otae
    Shin-chan...
[13:11] Shin
    Everyone's up in arms.
[13:13] Shin
    Are you so intent on
    destroying Hajime-nii?
[13:17] Shin
    In any case, this gives
    Kondo-san and Kyubei-san
[13:21] ---
    an excuse to rid themselves of their rival.
[13:26] Shin
    That's despicable.
[13:28] Shin
    You're all despicable!
[13:34] Hiji
    Not as despicable as your leader.
[13:39] Obi
    Come in, this is Kenofi.
[13:42] Obi
    There's been a problem.
[13:44] Obi
    I request assistance.
[13:45] Obi
    My current coordinates are...
[13:51] Tojo
    We weren't spurred into action
    by my lady or Kondo-dono.
[14:00] Tojo
    It was your leader.
[14:05] Obi
    This was a mistake on my part.
[14:06] Obi
    I didn't expect him to have
[14:09] ---
    such a dangerous man as
    his new brother figure.
[14:11] Gin
    Why are you all so obsessed
    with the brother thing?
[14:17] Gin
    Neither Shinpachi nor I am
    interested in being brothers!
[14:24] Shin
    Gin-san did?
[14:26] Oki
    Hijikata-san...
[14:29] Oki
    Looks like the news has gotten out.
[14:33] Hiji
    Sorry, but we can't let you pass.
[14:35] Hiji
    The Shinsengumi are on the job.
[14:37] Tojo
    Do not worry.
[14:38] ---
    We will search every nook
    and cranny of the building.
[14:41] Tojo
    You should go take a bath and
[14:42] ---
    wash every nook and cranny of your body.
[14:44] A
    Wh-Who are you people?
[14:45] Oki
    We aren't here to capture Obi-one.
[14:48] Oki
    We're holding off the
    cops who are on his tail
[14:51] Oki
    and making sure that you all are safe.
[14:54] Shin
    Wh-Why would you do that?
[14:56] Oki
    Because your leader got down
    on his knees and begged us to.
[15:06] Obi
    If you kill me, you will
    lose their trust forever.
[15:09] Obi
    Given that, why did you come here?
[15:12] Gin
    I'm not interested in
     battling to the death
[15:14] ---
    with a bunch of crying fools
     standing nearby!
[15:16] Gin
    This is much better!
[15:19] Obi
    Battling to the death?
[15:21] Obi
    Don't make me laugh.
[15:27] Obi
    You're unconsciously trying to
    avoid attacking my left side.
[15:32] Gin
    So this is the power of
    the Galaxy Sword Master?
[15:36] Gin
    Not very impressive.
[15:38] Gin
    That title's too flashy for you.
[15:42] Gin
    You should stick to
    being a big brother.
[15:45] Oki
    "I'll figure out a way to
    bring Obi-one back alive,
[15:48] Oki
    so could you stay put and
    not do anything until then?"
[15:54] Oki
    He planted his empty head
    right against the floor.
[16:00] Oki
    Want to see a picture?
[16:04] Shin
    Why did he do that?
[16:08] Shin
    Why did he ask you for help
[16:11] Shin
    when he didn't say a word to us?!
[16:13] Shin
    That idiot!
[16:15] Otae
    He wanted to keep us away
    from Obi-one-niisama.
[16:21] Gin
    Don't worry, Obi-one.
[16:24] Gin
    Nobody else will be joining us.
[16:28] Gin
    I won't let you get any
    more blood on your hands!
[16:32] Gin
    So
[16:34] ---
    come back, Obi-one!
[16:38] Gin
    Come back and be their big
    brother one more time!
[16:45] Otae
    He was the only one who hadn't given up
[16:49] Otae
    on saving Obi-one-niisama.
[16:54] Obi
    Do you seriously believe
    that he's still capable
[17:00] Obi
    of returning?!
[17:09] Obi
    Come in. This is Kenofi.
[17:12] Obi
    I need to be picked up immediately.
[17:14] Ana
    Kenofi?
[17:16] Ana
    Are you really Kenofi?
[17:18] Ana
    We've already locked on to your
    signal and begun the retrieval.
[17:24] Ana
    Kenofi, where are you right now?
[17:33] Ana
    I-Impossible!
[17:34] Ana
    What is the meaning of this?!
[17:46] Oki
    Man, it's not easy when we all
    work for a bunch of losers.
[17:51] Shin
    No way...
[17:53] Ana
    Wh-Who are you?!
[17:55] Ana
    Identify yourselves!
[17:56] Both
    From the School of Tendo
    Mushin Beam Saber!
[18:00] Kyu
    Yagyu Kyubei.
[18:02] Kondo
    And Kondo Isami.
[18:05] Kyu
    We've come here to
    reclaim the human half...
[18:10] Kondo
    ...of our instructor, Obi Hajime.
[18:14] Obi
    You were able to disrupt my
    transmitter with that strike?
[18:20] Obi
    You just came here to buy time
[18:22] Obi
    while your allies work to
    disable the beam cannon?
[18:27] Gin
    Like I said, nobody else
    will be joining us.
[18:34] Gin
    Will you leave that body first,
[18:38] Gin
    or will you get rid of me first?
[18:40] Gin
    It's a waiting game now.
[18:43] Obi
    Foolishness!
[18:47] Ana
    Damn those Earth apes!
[18:49] Ana
    They tricked us!
[18:51] Kon
    We clearly got the short
    end of the stick.
[18:54] Kon
    Stuck helping our rival in love.
[18:57] Kon
    A victory here won't win us anything.
[19:02] Kyu
    We've still got it better
    than that idiot
[19:05] Kyu
    since he had to beg for help.
[19:07] ---
    Plus he'll be losing his
    position as a brother figure.
[19:11] Kyu
    Besides, now I know
[19:15] Kyu
    the reason why Otae-chan was able to
[19:18] ---
    smile when times were tough or painful.
[19:21] Kyu
    Even if her smile isn't
    directed our way,
[19:24] Kyu
    I just want her to truly smile again.
[19:29] Kon
    I see. That means...
[19:33] Kon
    I should laugh with them.
[19:37] Obi
    So people who are truly strong 
    laugh when they want to cry.
[19:43] Obi
    They endure all of the pain and sorrow
[19:46] Obi
    while laughing with everybody else.
[19:52] Obi
    But one day, you must become 
    samurai strong enough not to cry.
[20:01] Yama
    Captain Okita, are you sure about this?
SIGN    Image has been deleted.
[20:04] Oki
    Sorry, big guy. I couldn't stop them.
[20:09] Oki
    We little brothers have our own pride.
[20:13] Tojo
    Well, let's get going.
[20:20] Hiji
    To our big brother's side.
[20:35] Ana
    It seems that you people are intent
    on keeping that man alive.
[20:40] Ana
    But you've been wasting your time.
[20:44] Kon
    What's that?
[20:45] Ana
    Nobody can stop him at this point.
[20:48] ---
    Not us, not him...
[20:51] Ana
    The emergency system
    will recover shortly.
[20:56] Ana
    When that happens, you
    Earthlings will be finished.
[21:00] Kyu
    Kondo...
[21:02] Kon
    Bullshit.
[21:03] Kon
    That's bullshit.
[21:05] Kon
    Then why...
[21:07] Kon
    Then why did he have
    to play the bad guy?!
[21:10] Kon
    Why did he have to get
    on his knees and beg?!
[21:16] Kon
    Can you give those two big brothers
    back to Shinpachi-kun?
[21:24] Obi
    It'll be thirty minutes
    before my system recovers.
[21:30] Obi
    There's only one way to stop the
    beam cannon before that happens.
[21:34] Obi
    You have to destroy me, Obi-one.
[21:40] Obi
    I'll be sending your little
    brother and this planet
[21:44] Obi
    to see you shortly.
[21:47] Obi
    You can wait in hell for them.
[21:58] Shin
    Did you call me his little brother?
[22:01] Shin
    You people throw the word
    brother around too much!
[22:06] Gin
    Neither Gin-san nor I am interested
    in being brothers, you fool!
SIGN    To Be Continued
[23:45] Gin
    We have a big announcement
    about the second movie.
[23:48] Gin
    Next week, the censored
    areas will be revealed.
SIGN    Gintama the Movie ---- In theaters on ---- ----th!
[23:52] Gin
    Hey, squinting won't help you.
[23:54] Gin
    If squinting helped, you'd have a lot of
    boys spending 1/3 of their time squinting.
SIGN    Liquor and Gasoline  Smiles and Tears
[24:00] Otae
    Next time:
[24:01] Otae
    Liquor and Gasoline, Smiles and Tears.
SIGN    There's a huge atmosphere swing
SIGN    between the movie preview and  the next episode preview.
SIGN    That's just business as usual
SIGN    in the Gintama anime.

E264 - Liquor and Gasoline, Smiles and Tears
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Liquor and Gasoline, Smiles and Tears
[01:38] Shin
    You people throw the word 
    brother around too much!
[01:42] Gin
    Neither Gin-san nor I am interested
    in being brothers, you fool!
[01:47] Gin
    Shinpa—
[01:54] Obi
    Why would you come here
[01:58] Obi
    when it's already too late?!
[02:09] Shin
    Gin-san!
[02:13] Shin
    Gin-san, hang in there!
[02:16] Gin
    Idiot...
[02:18] Gin
    Why did you come?
[02:21] Shin
    Yamazaki-san told me everything.
[02:24] Shin
    That you guys were here...
[02:27] Shin
    That he wouldn't be returning...
[02:31] Gin
    Don't say that.
[02:33] Gin
    Who went and decided that it was over?
[02:37] Gin
    Stay out of this.
[02:39] Gin
    Th-That guy will be back.
[02:43] Gin
    I swear I'll bring him back to you.
[02:48] Gin
    So can you wait just a little longer?
[02:54] Gin
    It won't take much longer.
[02:57] Gin
    Really.
[02:59] Gin
    Please. I promise, okay?
[03:08] Gin
    Damn...
[03:13] Gin
    Damn...
[03:18] Shin
    It's okay.
[03:21] Shin
    You've done enough.
[03:23] Shin
    So Gin-san, don't disappear on us.
[03:28] Shin
    Even if Hajime-nii returns
[03:31] Shin
    and Earth is saved,
[03:34] Shin
    we won't be smiling if
    you're not with us.
[03:38] Shin
    It's okay if you don't
    act like a big brother.
[03:41] Shin
    It's okay if you're the total
    opposite of a role model.
[03:44] Shin
    It's okay if you aren't
    showing us the way to go.
[03:49] Shin
    As long as you're with us
    when we've lost our way...
[03:53] Shin
    As long as you're by our side,
    sharing the pain and sorrow...
[03:58] Shin
    As long as everybody's by
    our side, we'll be smiling.
[04:02] Shin
    No matter how difficult it may be.
[04:05] Gin
    Shinpachi...
[04:08] Shin
    So can you let us take it from here?
[04:11] Shin
    Don't worry.
[04:12] Shin
    I'm no longer the crybaby
    little brother of Obi Hajime,
[04:16] Shin
    nor am I a student of the
    School of Beam Saber.
[04:19] Shin
    I am the successor of the
    School of Tendo Mushin
[04:21] Shin
    and Odd Jobs' Shimura Shinpachi.
[04:24] Gin
    Wait, Shin—
[04:26] Kag
    Gin-chan!
[04:27] Kag
    Hold on, Gin-chan!
[04:29] Shin
    Kagura-chan...
[04:32] Shin
    Take care of Gin-san for me.
[04:34] Gin
    Didn't you hear me tell you to wait?
[04:52] Obi
    Are you insane?
[04:54] Obi
    You want to fight a man who completely
    destroyed your big brother?
[04:59] Shin
    You seem to be mistaken.
[05:01] Shin
    Gin-san didn't come here to kill you.
[05:04] Shin
    He came to save you.
[05:05] Shin
    If Gin-san had come to kill you,
[05:08] Shin
    you wouldn't be standing
    before me right now.
[05:10] Shin
    But it doesn't matter now.
[05:12] Shin
    I'll get Hajime-nii back
    even if I have to kill you,
[05:16] Shin
    no matter how much
    pain it may cause me.
[05:20] Obi
    If you go through life with the blood
    of your benefactor on your hands,
[05:25] Obi
    you won't be the only one
    who suffers as a result.
[05:27] Otae
    I, Shimura Tae, will be the
    witness for this battle.
[05:34] Otae
    The School of Tendo Mushin
    and the School of Beam Saber
[05:37] ---
    in a no-holds-barred duel.
[05:39] Otae
    Fight as true warriors to the very end.
[05:42] Kag
    Boss lady...
[05:44] Otae
    Please watch us, Obi-one-niisama.
[05:48] Otae
    The crybaby who always
    followed you around
[05:52] Otae
    and all of us who always
    admired your strength
[05:56] Otae
    have become much stronger
[06:00] ---
    after meeting you and everyone else.
[06:03] Otae
    Strong enough to stop you.
[06:06] Otae
    Begin now!
[06:14] Shin
    Hajime-nii!
[06:25] Obi
    Come, Shin-bo!
[06:51] Obi
    I have seen the future of
    the School of Tendo Mushin.
[06:57] Obi
    You've become so strong,
    Shin-bo, Otae-chan...
[07:21] Otae
    Point.
[07:25] A
    We've lost contact with Kenofi?
[07:28] A
    Impossible, he's the
    Galaxy Sword Master.
[07:31] B
    Curses!
[07:32] ---
    Do you have any idea how much money
[07:34] ---
    we poured into making that thing?!
[07:36] B
    It was a mistake to rely on a native
    monkey to carry out this mission!
[07:41] B
    How dare he die before
    he could be of any use?!
[07:44] B
    No matter what you spend on it, junk is—
[07:46] Kon
    Shut up.
[07:47] Kon
    Keep that filthy mouth of yours shut.
[07:50] Kon
    He's not a piece of junk.
[07:52] Kon
    And he's not a weapon.
[07:54] Kon
    At long last, he's finally made it home.
[07:58] Kon
    The samurai is back in the
    country of the samurai.
[08:01] Kon
    No more will you toy with
    human lives and emotions!
[08:06] Kon
    We will make you pay!
[08:09] Kon
    Apprehend them!
[08:11] Kon
    What?!
[08:12] A
    Too bad for you, monkeys.
[08:16] Obi
    That was an excellent strike.
[08:19] Obi
    Shin-bo, you've come a long way.
[08:23] Obi
    I'm very happy.
[08:26] Shin
    You've always been a liar.
[08:27] Shin
    And that hasn't changed.
[08:30] Shin
    You always gave in to my persistence,
[08:33] Shin
    and let me win once while
    saying that I'd gotten stronger.
[08:37] Shin
    You were always joking around.
[08:41] Obi
    I was serious this time.
[08:44] Obi
    Your voices pierced through
    this cold metal body.
[08:48] Obi
    Your voice,
[08:51] ---
    Otae-chan's voice,
[08:53] ---
    Instructor Sakata's voice...
[08:57] Obi
    Your voices summoned my soul
    from this lump of metal.
[09:02] Obi
    Which is why I was able to beat
    my other half at the very end.
[09:09] Obi
    I couldn't match up to the rest of you,
[09:12] Obi
    but for a moment, I think I
    knew what true strength was.
[09:16] Obi
    I can finally come home
    without feeling ashamed.
[09:22] Obi
    Truly, thank you very hamnida.
[09:25] Kag
    You shouldn't leave, then.
[09:28] Kag
    Stay here forever.
[09:30] Kag
    We can all play with beam
    sabers together again.
[09:34] Kag
    I'll do a better job of preparing
    your bath this time.
[09:37] Kag
    So...
[09:39] Kag
    Don't talk like this is the end.
[09:42] Kag
    Don't leave Shinpachi and
    the boss lady alone.
[09:49] Obi
    Don't worry.
[09:51] Obi
    I just left something up in space.
[09:59] A
    Did you think that we wouldn't
    be prepared for such an event?
[10:02] A
    Even if Kenofi is disabled, the energy
    that's accumulated inside won't vanish.
[10:09] A
    At the moment, he's an unexploded bomb
    that can destroy an entire planet.
[10:14] A
    Do you know what will happen if
    we give him a little stimulation?
[10:18] Kon
    You bastard!
[10:22] Kon
    Huh?
[10:23] Kyu
    Don't touch me!
[10:32] Kon
    What?
[10:33] Hiji
    Are you guys okay?!
[10:36] Kon
    Toshi!
[10:37] Kon
    Stop them!
[10:38] Kon
    They're going to
[10:40] Kon
    discharge the energy in Obi Hajime
[10:42] Kon
    and obliterate Earth!
[10:45] Obi
    So once I've picked up
    what I left behind,
[10:50] Obi
    I'll come back.
[10:52] Obi
    In the meantime,
[10:54] Obi
    Instructor Sakata, look
    after everyone for me.
[11:08] Gin
    Let's go, guys.
[11:13] Gin
    Didn't you hear me?
[11:16] Gin
    You didn't forget the teachings of the
    School of Beam Saber again, did you?
[11:24] Otae
    It's okay.
[11:27] Otae
    Don't worry, Obi-one-niisama.
[11:31] Otae
    We won't cry anymore.
[11:36] Otae
    So just promise... Just promise us...
[11:41] Obi
    Yeah...
[11:44] Obi
    I promise that we'll meet again.
[11:49] Hiji
    Fire!
[11:50] Hiji
    Shoot that thing down!
[11:53] A
    It's too late!
[11:55] B
    Beam cannon energy fully charged!
[11:58] B
    We're locked onto Kenofi's coordinates!
[12:03] A
    What?! Impossible!
[12:05] A
    Kenofi has...
[12:12] B
    That man is pointing
    his beam cannon at us!
[12:16] A
    It means nothing! Open fire!
[12:22] Obi
    Listen up, you two.
[12:25] Obi
    Tears are handy for washing away 
    troubling and sad feelings.
[12:34] Obi
    But when you grow up, you'll learn
[12:38] Obi
    that there are things so sad, they 
    can never be washed away by tears.
[12:45] Obi
    That there are painful memories 
    that should never be washed away.
[12:50] Obi
    So people who are truly strong 
    laugh when they want to cry.
[12:57] Obi
    They endure all of the pain and sorrow
[13:01] Obi
    while laughing with everybody else.
[13:05] Obi
    You can cry all you want right now.
[13:10] Obi
    But one day, you must become 
    samurai strong enough not to cry.
SIGN    Kabuki First District
[13:41] A
    Why don't you drop by, big guy?
SIGN    Snack Smile
[13:44] A
    We've got a bunch of cute girls!
[13:46] A
    How about it, gentlemen?
[13:48] Kon
    Is that true?
[13:50] Kon
    We can choose anyone we want?
[13:52] A
    Yup, you can choose anyone,
    and they're all babes.
[13:57] Kyu
    Really, then...
[14:00] Both
    We'll take the babe named Otae.
[14:02] A
    Oh, it's you guys again.
[14:05] A
    You keep coming back every day.
[14:07] A
    I told you that you're wasting your time.
[14:09] A
    We haven't heard anything from Otae-chan
[14:11] ---
    since she went on leave a month back,
[14:13] A
    and we have no idea
    when she's returning.
[14:16] A
    We're struggling right now after
    losing our top attraction,
[14:20] A
    so could you not disrupt our business?
[14:25] Kyu
    It's been a month already.
[14:28] Kon
    That man saved our planet,
[14:31] Kon
    but we weren't able to save anything.
[14:37] Kyu
    I heard that Shinpachi-kun hasn't
    been down to Odd Jobs since.
[14:41] Kyu
    This is when they really need
    other people by their sides,
[14:47] Kyu
    but the person they truly want
    by their sides is no longer here.
[14:53] Kyu
    If we go visit, we'll only
    put more stress on them.
[14:57] Kyu
    I don't believe I can make
    them smile right now.
[15:02] Kon
    All we can do now is
    wait and have faith
[15:06] Kon
    that the two of them
    will be able to overcome
[15:08] ---
    their sorrow and move forward.
[15:12] Kon
    Our job is to smile and welcome
    them back when the time comes.
[15:17] Kon
    For now, we wait.
[15:18] Kon
    But when the time comes...
[15:20] Kyu
    Yes, I'm sure they'll smile again.
[15:22] Shin
    Man, that was so much fun.
[15:25] Otae
    Yes, it's been so long since the two of us
[15:27] ---
    were able to have some fun together.
[15:29] Shin
    But I wanted to stay a little longer.
[15:31] Otae
    That was long enough.
[15:32] Otae
    We don't want to trouble
    everyone any longer.
[15:36] Shin
    Oh, it's Kondo-san and Kyubei-san.
[15:39] Shin
    Haven't seen you in a while.
[15:41] Shin
    The Shimura siblings
    are back from Waiiha!
[15:44] Otae
    Here, we brought chocolate covered
    macadamia nuts as a souvenir.
[15:48] Both
    Vacation?
[15:50] Otae
    Yes, we went to Planet Waiiha,
    where it's always summer.
[15:54] Shin
    You know, with all these new long arcs,
[15:56] ---
    we haven't had a chance to take a break.
[15:58] Shin
    So we decided to use the paid
    vacation days we've accumulated
[16:01] ---
    and take some time off together.
[16:04] Shin
    So, Planet Waiiha was awesome!
[16:06] Shin
    You're probably thinking that
    vacationing in Waiiha is too cliche.
[16:10] Shin
    But there's a reason it's considered cliche.
[16:13] Kon
    Ah, I understand what you mean.
[16:14] ---
    Waiiha is the best!
[16:15] Kon
    How am I supposed to understand?!
[16:16] Kon
    Why would you choose this 
    timing to go on vacation?!
[16:19] Kon
    I thought that you were both 
    moping around inside your house,
[16:23] Kon
    but you're completely tanned!
[16:24] Kon
    Dark as chocolate covered 
    macadamia nuts!
[16:27] Kyu
    Can't you tell, Kondo? 
    They're pushing themselves.
[16:31] Kyu
    This wasn't an ordinary vacation.
[16:32] Kyu
    They left Edo so we wouldn't 
    have to see them suffer.
[16:37] Kyu
    And they're acting cheerful 
    so we don't notice that fact.
[16:42] Kyu
    Don't say anything that'll 
    dig the wound open again.
[16:45] Kon
    Well, I'm glad that you
    enjoyed yourselves.
[16:48] Kon
    But it must have cost
    a lot to go to Waiiha.
[16:52] Kon
    You must have had a lot saved up.
[16:53] Otae
    Oh, we paid for it with money
[16:55] ---
    we received from Obi-one-niisama's
    life insurance.
[16:57] Kon
    What wound? They dug up a 
    whole new grave on their own!
[17:01] Kon
    I can see him! I can see 
    Obi-one-niisama rolling in the grave!
[17:03] Otae
    Obi-one-niisama made arrangements for
[17:06] ---
    the money to be given to this 
    dojo if anything happened to him,
[17:09] Otae
    so the money was meant 
    to be used for the dojo.
[17:12] Kon
    Really? So you went on vacation?
[17:14] Otae
    That's why...
[17:14] Kon
    You used that money to go on vacation?
[17:16] Otae
    We were happy to use it
[17:18] Otae
    for macadamia nuts.
[17:20] Kon
    You used the money for macadamia nuts?!
[17:22] Kon
    Wait!
[17:23] Kon
    You spent the money from 
    his life on nuts?!
[17:25] Otae
    It wasn't much money.
[17:27] Kon
    He's gotta be mad!
[17:28] Kon
    He's going to shoot 
    beams down from heaven!
[17:30] Kon
    Wait, Kyubei-kun!
[17:32] Kon
    These siblings are a lot 
    stronger than I expected!
[17:34] Kon
    They've overcome their brother's death 
    and started trampling all over it!
[17:37] Kyu
    You must understand, Kondo.
[17:39] Kyu
    They're trying to say goodbye 
    to their memory of Obi Hajime.
[17:42] Kyu
    So they exchanged his life for 
    chocolate covered macadamia nuts
[17:45] Kyu
    so the memories will 
    melt like chocolate.
[17:48] Kon
    No, that can't be it.
[17:51] Kyu
    Don't you understand, Kondo?
[17:52] Kyu
    Macadamia nuts are really good.
[17:55] Kon
    You just want to eat macadamia nuts!
[17:57] Otae
    Please help yourself, Kondo-san.
[18:00] Otae
    Please enjoy the fruits of the legacy
    left behind by Obi-one-niisama's life.
[18:04] Kon
    I can't eat that!
[18:06] Kon
    I've never eaten chocolate 
    that was so meaningful!
[18:09] Shin
    Hajime-nii...
[18:11] Shin
    We won't let your wishes go to waste.
[18:15] Shin
    We will restore this dojo
[18:17] Shin
    and make it as busy as it
    was when you were here
[18:22] Shin
    with these macadamia nuts.
[18:23] Kon
    Uh, I'm pretty sure 
    you wasted the money!
[18:25] Kon
    Why would you need macadamia nuts?!
[18:28] A
    Hello!
[18:30] Otae
    Look, Shin-chan.
[18:31] Otae
    They're here already.
[18:33] B
    Excuse me.
[18:34] B
    Is this the dojo that's
    looking for students?
[18:38] Shin
    We've been expecting you!
[18:40] Shin
    Welcome to Kodokan!
[18:43] Mada
    Is it true that you'll give us
    macadamia nuts if we train in the sword?
[18:46] Kon
    You're just using the nuts as bait!
[18:49] Kon
    Shinpachi-kun! They're not
    looking for a home dojo!
[18:51] Kon
    They're just plain homeless!
[18:53] Kon
    And what happened to your tan?!
[18:54] Shin
    It's okay.
[18:56] Shin
    We can start with macadamia nuts
[18:57] ---
    and hope they learn to love the sword.
[19:00] Shin
    If that's what it takes to
    protect the sword he loved...
[19:04] ---
    To protect this samurai country...
[19:08] Mada
    Hey, who cares about swords?
[19:10] Mada
    Give us the macadamia nuts already!
[19:12] Kon
    You should be looking for work 
    instead of begging for nuts.
[19:14] Gin
    Shut up!
[19:16] Gin
    Don't be in such a rush.
[19:17] Gin
    No need to worry.
[19:19] Gin
    You'll get all the nuts you want,
[19:22] Gin
    if you can land a clean hit on Sakata
    Gintoki, substitute instructor
[19:26] ---
    for the School of Tendo
    Mushin Macadamia.
[19:30] Kon
    You guys...
[19:32] Gin
    I promise you this.
[19:34] Gin
    By the time you get to eat your nuts,
[19:37] ---
    you'll all be functional
    members of society again.
[19:40] Kon
    Wait, this is turning into 
    a different kind of school!
[19:42] Gin
    So promise me something.
[19:45] Gin
    No matter how difficult the training may be
[19:48] Gin
    or what kinds of hardships you face in life,
[19:52] Gin
    never stop smiling.
[19:56] Gin
    That's the one and only rule in
[19:58] ---
    the School of Tendo Mushin Macadamia.
SIGN    Eternal Instructor
    Obi Hajime
[20:01] Gin
    Isn't that right,
[20:03] ---
    Instructor Obi-one?
[20:11] Mada
    That's fine!
[20:12] Mada
    Gang up on him!
[20:14] All
    Give us the macadamia nuts!
[20:20] Kag
    Okay, next!
[20:21] Mada
    Hold on!
[20:22] Mada
    What happened to the swords?! This
    is turning into a kung fu dojo!
[20:25] Mada
    Is this a dojo where we get beat
    up in return for macadamia nuts?!
[20:29] Kag
    Stop worrying about the
    details and just smile!
[20:32] Mada
    How can I do that?!
[20:36] Kyu
    Kondo, do you understand?
[20:43] Kon
    I sure do.
[20:49] Kon
    Hey, they won't help you
    become decent samurai.
[20:53] Kon
    I'll take you on!
[20:55] Kon
    Bring it!
[20:57] Kyu
    Nonsense.
[20:58] Kyu
    The macadamia nuts will be mine!
[21:00] Kon
    That's not the point here!
[21:05] Gin
    Well, let's get going,
[21:11] Gin
    Shinpachi.
[21:11] Obi
    Shin-bo.
[21:17] Shin
    Yes!
[21:22] Otae
    Obi-one-niisama, I'm sorry.
[21:25] Otae
    We can't use the money that
    you left for our dojo.
[21:30] Otae
    There hasn't been time for a
    proper burial, but I promise to
[21:33] ---
    put you in a grave next to our father.
[21:36] Otae
    So don't worry about us.
[21:40] Otae
    The two of you can enjoy your
    liquor and gasoline together.
[21:46] Otae
    It's okay.
[21:48] Otae
    Shin-chan and I
[21:50] Otae
    and our wonderful friends
[21:55] Otae
    are doing just fine.
SIGN    Announcement
[23:31] Mada
    Three years after Benizakura
    Arc the New Translation,
[23:35] Mada
    we now have a completely original
    story by the author Sorachi Hideaki,
[23:40] Mada
    which delves into the past.
[23:46] Mada
    Gintama the Movie: The Final Act!
[23:48] Mada
    Odd Jobs Forever!
[23:51] Both
    Watch as the Gintama
    anime comes to an end!
SIGN    In theaters July 6th
[23:55] Shin
    Wait, what's this about?!
[23:56] Gin
    Hold on a sec!
[23:56] Kag
    Where did they get that idea?!
[23:57] Gin
    What's this Final Act business?!
[23:58] Shin
    What? The manga isn't over yet!
[23:58] Kag
    Is this just the usual
    fooling around again?!
[23:59] Gin
    Gin-san and the Yaksha know nothing!
SIGN    Dog Food Doesn't  Taste Like You Think
[24:00] Gin
    Next time: Dog Food Doesn't
    Taste Like You Think
[24:04] Gin
    Nobody said anything to me about this!
SIGN    Gintama as usual. Odd Jobs as usual.
[24:06] Gin
    Hey, can you hear me?!
[24:08] Gin
    Hey, Fujita!
[24:09] Gin
    Hey, Shinji!
SIGN    The trio plus one animal,  forever...
[24:10] Gin
    Hey...
[24:12] Gin
    Are you listening to me?!

E265 - Dog Food Doesn't Have As Much Flavor As You'd Think
Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Dog Food Doesn't Have As  Much Flavor As You'd Think
[01:41] Gin
    What's that look for?
[01:43] Gin
    Got a problem?
[01:45] Gin
    If it's not enough, eat the meatballs 
    on the bottoms of your feet.
SIGN    meatball (paw pads)
SIGN    Sorry, Sadaharu.
[01:49] Kag
    You'll have to make do with this today.
[01:51] Kag
    Odd Jobs is going through
    a food shortage right now.
[01:54] Kag
    We're all starving.
[01:58] Kag
    That's a good boy.
[02:00] Kag
    Gin-chan, Sadaharu understands.
[02:02] Gin
    Good.
[02:03] Gin
    Then the three of us can split this.
[02:07] Both
    Thanks.
[02:10] Shin
    What the hell?!
[02:12] Shin
    Don't you have any human dignity?!
[02:15] Shin
    You shouldn't steal food from your
    pet, no matter how hungry you are!
[02:17] Shin
    You should be ashamed!
[02:19] Gin
    Can you blame us?
[02:20] Gin
    It's been ages since
    we last had a client,
[02:22] Gin
    so we don't have a single
    grain of rice left.
[02:26] Gin
    The situation's so grim
[02:27] ---
    that we may go from eating dog
    food to eating the dog for food.
[02:30] Shin
    Eating the dog for food?!
[02:31] Shin
    You're moving from pissing off the
    PTA to pissing off PETA now?!
[02:35] Gin
    What's that about PETA?
[02:37] Gin
    Does the PTA eat PETA?
[02:39] Kag
    The PTA only eats up
    teachers with an attitude.
[02:42] Shin
    That's completely different!
[02:44] Gin
    Quit your bitching.
[02:45] Gin
    Whose fault do you think this is?
[02:49] Gin
    It's because of this large animal
    that eats a lot and never works,
[02:53] Gin
    and the glasses boy who just
    wears glasses and never works.
[02:57] Shin
    Hey! You've crossed the line now!
[02:59] Shin
    Apologize! Apologize to my glasses!
[03:01] Gin
    Seriously, you should
    try to understand
[03:04] ---
    how hard it is for me to
    take care of you all.
[03:07] Gin
    Hey, you're sporting some
    yummy-looking wings.
[03:10] Shin
    They're not wings!
    They're greasy glasses!
[03:13] Shin
    And they're not greasy!
[03:14] Kag
    You're wearing shellfish to be fashionable?!
[03:17] Kag
    Are you supposed to be Takeda Kumiko?!
[03:18] Shin
    Wait!
[03:19] Shin
    These people are so hungry
    that they're hallucinating!
[03:22] Kag
    Hand that over!
[03:23] Shin
    Hey, what are you doing?!
[03:25] Shin
    Those are my glasses!
[03:26] Shin
    You can't eat them!
[03:27] Shin
    Hey!
[03:28] Shin
    Why are you grilling them?!
[03:31] Gin
    You should try to understand how hard 
    it is for me to take care of you all.
SIGN    Please take me home.
[05:08] Gin
    Enough already!
[05:10] Gin
    Egg on rice again?!
[05:12] Gin
    Why do you waste food like this?!
[05:15] Kag
    What food? The fridge was empty.
[05:18] Gin
    Your head is empty!
[05:20] Kag
    Sadaharu puts up with the meager 
    servings of cheap food we give him.
[05:24] Kag
    Shut up and eat.
[05:26] Gin
    Ah, is that so?
[05:27] Gin
    Here you go then.
[05:28] Kag
    Gin-chan! Sadaharu isn't 
    your garbage disposal!
[05:31] Kag
    And there's no food left 
    if you refuse to eat that.
[05:34] Gin
    Sorry, but unlike the rest 
    of you, I'm a gourmet.
[05:38] Gin
    You animals can have your pet food.
[06:18] A
    I-It's so cute!
[06:21] A
    What is this?!
[06:22] A
    Where did you find it, Captain Okita?!
[06:25] Kon
    Hold on, Sogo...
[06:26] Kon
    Isn't that the Odd Jobs dog?
[06:29] Oki
    I don't know if he was
    dumped or if he ran away,
[06:31] ---
    but he was urinating in the streets.
[06:32] Kon
    Uh, so why did you bring him here?
[06:35] Oki
    Oh, you remember how we screwed up
[06:37] ---
    the last time we tried to boost
    our image with a mascot?
[06:39] Oki
    We should give it another try.
[06:41] Oki
    We can make some money by dumping him
[06:44] ---
    and Hijikata-san at the South Pole
[06:46] Oki
    and making the one who
    returns alive our mascot.
[06:47] Hiji
    That wouldn't be a mascot!
    It'd be a scum-cot!
[06:51] Hiji
    Give me a break.
[06:52] Hiji
    We don't need any symbols
    of weakness like mascots.
[06:56] Hiji
    Besides, we already have a
    mascot in Kondo-san, you fool.
[06:59] B
    He's no mascot! He's a shit-cot!
[07:01] Kon
    Who was that?! Who
    called me Ridley Scott?!
[07:04] Kon
    Thank you!
[07:04] Hiji
    Nobody had anything
    nice to say about you.
[07:06] Hiji
    And why do we have to take
    in their used goods?
[07:10] Hiji
    He'll interfere with our work.
[07:11] Hiji
    Get rid of him.
[07:12] A
    Vice-Chief, are you telling us to
    throw out this adorable creature?!
[07:15] Hiji
    Adorable, my ass.
[07:17] ---
    I'll have you all commit seppuku
    for failing as warriors.
[07:19] A
    Then you throw it out!
[07:20] Hiji
    Fine, you fools.
[07:30] Hiji
    Kondo-san...
[07:31] Hiji
    I just remembered that we
    don't have any police dogs.
[07:33] A
    You commit seppuku!
[07:34] Hiji
    Shut up!
[07:35] Hiji
    I'm just saying that
    we need police dogs!
[07:37] Hiji
    There's nothing adorable
    about this furball!
[07:40] Hiji
    First, we'll run some tests to
    see if it's qualified enough!
[07:43] Hiji
    And I won't go easy on dogs, dammit!
[07:46] Hiji
    Listen up! Police dogs
    depend on their noses.
[07:49] Hiji
    They need to be able to sniff out
    suspects, drugs, and all kinds of stuff.
[07:54] Hiji
    So here's a test.
[07:55] Hiji
    Half-fat, quarter-fat,
    non-cholesterol, non-oil, mustard.
[08:00] Hiji
    Can you tell the difference?
[08:01] A
    They're all mayonnaise!
[08:04] A
    Hey, what are you planning on
    using these police dogs for?!
[08:05] A
    What kind of crime are
    you preparing for?!
[08:07] Hiji
    First, identify my favorite type.
[08:09] A
    Uh, nobody knows what you
    like! And nobody cares!
[08:12] Hiji
    Ah, the quarter-fat?
[08:14] Hiji
    An excellent choice.
[08:16] Hiji
    But right now, I'm in the
    mood for some non-oil.
[08:18] A
    Your preference changes?!
[08:20] Hiji
    But I like your taste.
[08:22] Hiji
    Here's your reward.
[08:24] Hiji
    Enjoy.
[08:24] A
    You just wanted to feed
    the dog mayonnaise!
[08:27] Hiji
    Don't be shy.
[08:29] Hiji
    Hurry up and eat.
[08:31] Hiji
    Hurry up.
[08:38] Sa
    Yes, there, there.
[08:40] Sa
    Honestly, I don't know what happened,
[08:43] Sa
    but you should probably make up soon.
[08:46] Sa
    I know.
[08:47] Sa
    Gin-san isn't the kind of person
    who would kick you out.
[08:51] Sa
    You probably left because he
    was being nasty as usual.
[08:56] Sa
    Unfortunately, I won't be
    able to keep you here.
[09:00] Sa
    You already have a home, after all.
[09:04] Sa
    But if you plan on making up soon,
    you can stay here until then.
[09:09] Sa
    I can't let Gin-san's precious
    pet die on the streets.
[09:17] Sa
    Stop, that tickles.
[09:19] Sa
    I envy you.
[09:21] Sa
    Do you do this with
    Gin-san all the time?
[09:23] Sa
    I wish I could have been
    born as Gin-san's pet.
[09:27] Sa
    Just kidding.
[09:29] Sa
    I'll go make something to eat.
[09:31] Sa
    You must be hungry.
[09:32] Sa
    Wait here.
[09:40] Sa
    The moment I've been waiting
    for has finally come!
[09:45] Sa
    This is my chance to
    become Gin-san's pet!
[09:48] Sa
    His white fur will be my wedding dress!
[09:53] Sa
    Hold on, Gin-san.
[09:54] Sa
    Your cute pet will be coming
    back to you soon.
[10:05] Zura
    Ah, I see.
[10:07] Zura
    It must have been difficult
    to have such a lazy owner.
[10:10] Zura
    But Sadaharu, I knew that
    you would wake up one day.
[10:14] Zura
    The spirit of the Joi burns within you.
[10:17] Zura
    I knew that it would guide
    you to your true leader.
[10:20] Zura
    That you would find me.
[10:22] Zura
    And that is why
[10:24] Zura
    I've been waiting here since
[10:26] ---
    that game of Kick the Can
    two months ago.
[10:28] Zura
    You can't have an episode about
    Master Shoyo without me.
[10:33] Zura
    I managed to adjust my
    schedule so I could squeeze in,
[10:36] Zura
    but I didn't expect this to take so long.
[10:39] Zura
    I'm an expert at hiding,
[10:41] Zura
    but it's been so long
[10:42] ---
    that I had to wonder if
    the game was already over.
[10:45] Zura
    If anyone had even noticed
    that I was playing...
[10:49] Zura
    I felt like crying for a moment.
[10:51] Zura
    Runaway Kotaro tried a
    little too hard there.
[10:55] Zura
    I caused everyone so much trouble.
[10:57] Zura
    Well, everyone's probably been
    worried and looking for me.
[11:00] Zura
    I should probably head back.
[11:05] Zura
    Crap...
[11:06] Zura
    After staying in this position for two
    months, my body is stiff as a rock!
[11:09] Zura
    Zabeth, call for a doctor!
[11:12] Zura
    How could this happen?
[11:14] Zura
    I don't think I can last long
    enough for sensei to arrive.
[11:16] Zura
    S-Sadaharu-kun...
[11:17] Zura
    I apologize.
[11:19] Zura
    I won't be able to keep my promise
    to become your owner.
[11:22] Zura
    And can you please relay a
    message when the doctor comes?
[11:25] Zura
    Tell him to charge any taxi or
    any other transportation costs
[11:30] Zura
    to sensei.
SIGN    Please take me home.
[12:02] Shin
    Did you see him around here?
[12:03] A
    Yeah, it was a really big dog,
    so it must have been him.
[12:06] A
    He was dragging a little puppy around.
[12:10] Kag
    Sadaharu...
[12:13] Kag
    Sadaharu, where are you?!
[12:16] Kag
    Say something if you're there!
[12:18] Kag
    Please come back!
[12:20] Kag
    Sadaharu!
[12:39] Shin
    What? Work?
[12:41] Gin
    Yeah, we finally have a client.
[12:43] Gin
    No more eating dog food.
[12:46] Shin
    Weren't you supposed to
    be looking for Sadaharu
[12:48] Shin
    instead of wasting time?
[12:50] Gin
    Wasting time? Want me to punch you?
[12:53] Shin
    Aren't you worried about him, Gin-san?
[12:55] Shin
    Sadaharu hasn't been home in two days.
[12:59] Shin
    He was starving when he left,
[13:01] Shin
    and we don't know if he's
    gotten anything to eat
[13:02] Shin
    Sadaharu!
[13:03] ---
    or if something's happened to him.
[13:05] Shin
    How can you expect us to work?
[13:05] Shin
    Come back, Sadaharu!
[13:08] Gin
    That's not good, Shinpachi-kun.
[13:09] Gin
    You're thinking like a NEET now.
[13:13] Gin
    Nothing's happened to him.
[13:15] Shin
    Huh?
[13:15] Gin
    He left because he
    couldn't get any food.
[13:19] Gin
    It's that simple.
[13:22] Gin
    An animal doesn't understand
    the concept of family.
[13:26] Gin
    Besides...
[13:28] Gin
    I'm not interested in keeping
    anyone around who isn't
[13:30] ---
    willing to share when times are tough.
[13:32] Gin
    Even if he's just an animal.
[13:34] Gin
    There you go.
[13:35] Gin
    If you like dog food, you can eat
    it for the rest of your life.
[13:38] Gin
    I'll go make some money and
    have a chocolate parfait.
[13:41] Shin
    W-Wait, Gin-san!
[13:44] Shin
    Gin-san!
SIGN    Edo Animal Hospital
[13:48] A
    It's a mononoke!
[13:49] A
    The dog god Moro has come
    to hunt down our patients!
[13:53] B
    Scram, mountain dog!
[13:54] B
    This is where humans live!
[13:56] B
    Mononoke should go back
    to the mountains!
[14:02] A
    It released something!
[14:04] B
    Be careful!
[14:04] B
    You'll die if you touch that stuff!
[14:21] Kag
    Sadaharu!
SIGN    1 Fourth St.
SIGN    1 Fourth St.
[14:46] Gin
    So the owner of this house is dead?
[14:49] B
    Yes, he died all alone.
[14:53] B
    He kept a lot of dogs, and there were
[14:55] B
    many complaints from the neighbors
    about the smell and noise.
[14:59] B
    There was a relative who liked
    dogs and visited occasionally,
[15:03] B
    but it appears that they grew distant.
[15:06] C
    And the number of dogs was declining.
[15:08] ---
    There was only one left when he died.
[15:12] C
    When the neighborhood association
    cleaned his place,
[15:13] ---
    she didn't know what to do
    with it, so she threw it out.
[15:16] D
    W-Well, it was a mutt, sick and
    frail, so nobody wanted it.
[15:22] C
    There have been rumors that
    he's been wandering around.
[15:26] C
    We've been receiving complaints
    from various pet owners.
[15:29] C
    They're worried it may
    get their pets sick.
[15:32] B
    So could you catch it and
    dispose of it for us?
[15:37] Gin
    Is that even necessary? It probably
    died already if it was sick.
[15:41] B
    I hope so, but if we wait for it to
    become a problem, it'll be too late.
[15:45] B
    If it's dying anyway, does it matter
    if it happens a little sooner?
[15:48] C
    Honestly...
[15:49] C
    That old man left us a
    big mess to clean up.
[15:55] A
    What's this huge dog?!
[15:59] Gin
    Hey, hey.
[16:01] Gin
    This stray's bigger than I was expecting.
[16:04] Gin
    It'll take some effort to dispose of it.
[16:07] Gin
    You know the puppy they're
    talking about, right?
[16:10] Gin
    If you turn it over,
    I'll let you come home.
[16:13] Gin
    The reward will buy us plenty of
    food, so everyone will be happy.
[16:17] Gin
    Do you see a problem?
[16:22] C
    Wait up!
[16:23] B
    Odd Jobs, catch that monster!
[16:27] B
    Why are you standing there?
    Hurry up already!
[16:35] Gin
    If you turn it over, 
    I'll let you come home.
[17:02] Gin
    Then the three of us can split this.
[18:56] B
    It stinks!
[18:57] D
    What's going on?!
[18:58] D
    Who would do such a thing?!
[19:00] C
    So many fish...
[19:04] Gin
    It was our dog.
[19:06] Gin
    It looked like he was taking
    care of that puppy,
[19:09] Gin
    so I tampered with the
    food he was bringing it.
[19:13] Gin
    Look. See this?
[19:16] Gin
    My dog is very bright.
[19:18] Gin
    He fed the puppy poisoned
    food to do my job for me.
[19:26] Gin
    So can you pay up now?
[19:34] Gin
    Yo, you awake?
SIGN    General Animal Hospital
[19:37] Gin
    You were suffering from malnutrition.
[19:39] Gin
    They told me I shouldn't have
    a pet if I can't feed it.
[19:44] Gin
    Although you're the one who
    ran off and starved yourself.
[19:48] Gin
    But you helped deal
    with the puppy for me.
[19:54] Gin
    You can eat all you want today.
[20:00] Gin
    What?
[20:01] Gin
    I thought you might understand
    how it feels to be an owner
[20:04] ---
    after taking care of that puppy.
[20:06] Gin
    Were you hoping for fish tails?
[20:08] Gin
    Or is the portion too small,
    considering the reward?
[20:14] Gin
    Don't blame me.
[20:15] Gin
    There were a lot of expenses
    associated with this job,
[20:18] Gin
    so I used up most of
    the money we received.
[20:21] Gin
    Besides, the Sakata family always
    shares when times are tough.
[20:27] Gin
    We share the food
[20:31] Gin
    and the pain.
[20:37] Gin
    Thanks for sharing.
[20:43] A
    Thank you so much!
[20:45] A
    You kept Grandpa's dog safe.
[20:47] Shin
    Well, you should thank
    the big dog inside.
[20:57] Doc
    Hold on!
[20:58] Doc
    You haven't paid for all the
    medicine you fed the puppy!
[21:02] Doc
    Hey!
[21:04] Doc
    Sakata-san! Wait!
[23:36] Shin
    Hold on a sec!
[23:37] Shin
    What's this Final Act business?!
[23:39] Shin
    This is news to me!
[23:40] Kag
    Well, they're probably just fooling
    around again with a fake!
[23:44] Gin
    Or they're pretending that it's fake.
[23:45] Kag
    Or it is fake.
[23:46] Gin
    That's what they want you to think.
[23:47] Kag
    But it's really fake.
[23:48] Shin
    You're not making any sense at all!
SIGN    We only lasted half a year this time,
SIGN    but thank you for all the support.
SIGN    The movie is coming up in July,
SIGN    so please continue to support Gintama!!
[23:59] ---
    See you sometime...