Season 1

1 - So: I'm in Primary School. What Now?

Source: Crunchyroll
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Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:11] ---
    Um...\n
[00:13] ---
    Would you please tell me your name?\n
[00:18] ---
    No.\n
[00:20] ---
    Huh?\n
[00:22] ---
    I'm not supposed to give my name to strangers.\n
[00:26] ---
    And you're a little creepy.\n
[00:32] ---
    Thus my first love ended.\n
[00:36] ---
    "Tsurukame Moving"\n
[00:36] ---
    "Tsurukame Moving"\nLet me go back to when it started,\n
[00:38] ---
    three hours ago.\n
[00:41] ---
    My name is Kaho Nikaido.\n
[00:44] ---
    My family, well, they own a lot of land.\n
[00:48] ---
    In other words, they're rich.\n
[00:51] ---
    My parents treated me like\na princess, spoiling me rotten,\n
[00:55] ---
    probably because they\nhad me when they were older.\n
[00:59] ---
    Locals and teachers were\nhyper-aware of my family's influence\n
[01:02] ---
    and never got angry with me.\n
[01:05] ---
    My friends were all schoolmates\nmy folks had asked to hang out with me.\n
[01:10] ---
    As a result,\n
[01:12] ---
    I've never had anyone mad at me.\n
[01:15] ---
    What do you make of a person like that?\n
[01:18] ---
    A real mess, right? Hopeless.\n
[01:22] ---
    I'm sorry for being alive.\n
[01:25] ---
    So this spring, I left my hometown\n
[01:28] ---
    to turn over a new leaf in the city.\n
[01:33] ---
    "Kasumi House"\n
[01:35] ---
    This is Kasumi House?\n
[01:39] ---
    Ahhh...\n
[01:40] ---
    Yikes!\n
[01:41] ---
    --I-I'm so sorry! Sorry! I'm sorry!\n--Um, are you Miss Nikaido?\n
[01:47] ---
    M-Might you be the landlord?\n
[01:50] ---
    --Er, uh, I'm, well...\n--So young! Are all Tokyo landlords this young?\n
[01:56] ---
    To be making a fortune\nat such a tender age... I bet it's IT!\n
[01:58] ---
    He's managing apartments\nwith the money he made in IT!\n
[02:00] ---
    Uh, no, I'm just a high-school student!\n
[02:03] ---
    The landlord had some business\ntoday, so he asked me to help out.\n
[02:07] ---
    "Kota Shinohara - High School Freshman"\n
[02:08] ---
    What a pointless delusion that was.\n
[02:10] ---
    Um, thank you very much. Nice meeting you.\n
[02:14] ---
    Yeah, same h--\n
[02:16] ---
    Can we bring in your things?\n
[02:18] ---
    Second floor, please!\n
[02:21] ---
    Oh, I'll help, too!\n
[02:25] ---
    Oof! Wow, heavier than I thought...\n
[02:34] ---
    Are you all right?!\n
[02:38] ---
    Just have a seat! This is our job!
[02:47] ---
    Feels like I'm getting in the way again.\n
[02:50] ---
    Oh!\n
[02:54] ---
    The kokeshi my brother gave me!
[02:57] ---
    Wait! That's my brother's kokeshi!
[03:28] ---
    Do you want to die or what?!\n
[03:33] ---
    Didn't anyone tell you\nnot to jump out at corners?\n
[03:36] ---
    If a car hit a little kid like you,\nyou'd be squashed dead like an ant!\n
[03:43] ---
    Are you even listening?\n
[03:46] ---
    What are you after?\n
[03:48] ---
    --I-Is it money? A favor from my parents? --I'm not interested in your money or your folks.
[03:55] ---
    Liar.\n
[03:56] ---
    You wouldn't save the likes of me\nif you weren't after something.\n
[04:01] ---
    Don't you usually save\npeople who are about to die?\n
[04:05] ---
    And I heard saying "the likes of me"\nwill mess you up for real.\n
[04:12] ---
    You're pretty cute, you know? Tiny.\n
[04:16] ---
    "The likes of me," my foot.\n
[04:18] ---
    Cute...?\n
[04:22] ---
    See you.\n
[04:24] ---
    W-Wait!\n
[04:27] ---
    Um... Would you please tell me your name?\n
[04:30] ---
    Huh? No.\n
[04:33] ---
    I'm not supposed to give my name to strangers.\n
[04:36] ---
    And you're a little creepy.\n
[04:42] ---
    And that brings us to where we started.\n
[05:06] ---
    "FIRST LOVE MONSTER"\n
[06:19] ---
    Um, are you okay?\n
[06:22] ---
    Uh, er, thank goodness you weren't hurt.\n
[06:25] ---
    He saw me?!
[06:27] ---
    A boy I only just met saw\nme fall in love at first sight,\n
[06:30] ---
    get called "creepy," and be rejected?\n
[06:36] ---
    About that boy...\n
[06:39] ---
    Just a second, Shinohara!\n
[06:42] ---
    Ch-Chiaki!\n
[06:45] ---
    "Chiaki Yokouchi - High School Sophomore"\n
[06:47] ---
    I'm just going to cut to the chase:\n
[06:49] ---
    You fell in love, didn't you?\n
[06:57] ---
    H-How did you know?\n
[07:00] ---
    Get to be like me and you can just tell.\n
[07:02] ---
    That's a city high-school girl for you!\n
[07:05] ---
    But forget it. I don't even know his name,\n
[07:08] ---
    and it's not like I'll ever see him again.\n
[07:12] ---
    What if you did?\n
[07:14] ---
    Huh? If I saw him?\n
[07:17] ---
    Um, the thing is, he--\n
[07:18] ---
    Shut it, Shinohara!\n
[07:19] ---
    Those who'd thwart a young girl's love ought to go trip over a kokeshi!
[07:23] ---
    No wonder you're a virgin!\n
[07:25] ---
    That has nothing to do with it!\n
[07:28] ---
    All this noise outside our front door\nis disturbing the neighbors.\n
[07:32] ---
    Well, Taga, aren't you cocky.\n
[07:35] ---
    "Atsushi Taga - College Freshman"\n
[07:37] ---
    Geez. Act your age.\n
[07:40] ---
    I'll show you, Taga...\n
[07:42] ---
    Oh, please don't fight!\n
[07:45] ---
    Cram it, virgin.\n
[07:47] ---
    It's the super-sadist versus the brute!\n
[07:50] ---
    Wait--how did you...\n
[07:52] ---
    Am I wrong?\n
[07:54] ---
    Busted, virgin!\n
[07:56] ---
    Um, I'll just be on my way.\n
[08:00] ---
    Oh...\n
[08:10] ---
    Am I going to be okay?\nWill I get used to all this?\n
[08:23] ---
    So much happened today.\n
[08:27] ---
    Now that I've been dumped,\n
[08:29] ---
    clearly no one will want\nthe likes of me as long as I live.\n
[08:35] ---
    I heard saying "the likes of me"\nwill mess you up for real.\n
[08:40] ---
    You're pretty cute, you know? Tiny.\n
[08:44] ---
    "The likes of me," my foot.\n
[08:47] ---
    No way will I see him again.\nIt'll be fate if I do.\n
[08:53] ---
    Huh? You live here?\n
[08:56] ---
    Huh?! Uh, yes!\n
[08:59] ---
    Huh. Well, good to see you.\n
[09:03] ---
    It's fate!\n
[09:04] ---
    Wait!\n
[09:05] ---
    Today you saved me,\nand I got yelled at for the first time ever.\n
[09:10] ---
    Wow. My whole life is being yelled at.\n
[09:13] ---
    A-And I didn't think we'd meet again...\n
[09:18] ---
    Well, if we're living in\nthe same place, we're bound to.\n
[09:22] ---
    And...\n
[09:23] ---
    Oh, my name. Kanade Takahashi.\n
[09:27] ---
    You're giving me your name?!\n
[09:29] ---
    You're not creepy if you live here.\n
[09:31] ---
    What about you?\n
[09:33] ---
    It's polite to give your own name\nwhen someone gives you theirs.\n
[09:36] ---
    Sorry. I'm Kaho Nikaido.\n
[09:39] ---
    'Kay. Later.\n
[09:40] ---
    Please, wait!\n
[09:42] ---
    There's more?\n
[09:44] ---
    I... um, it looks like...\n
[09:48] ---
    It looks like I love you!\n
[09:59] ---
    We can date if you like.\n
[10:02] ---
    If you can still say you love me\nonce you know the real me,\n
[10:05] ---
    then yeah, we can date.\n
[10:08] ---
    Think it over till tomorrow.\n
[10:11] ---
    No way!\n
[10:19] ---
    What's his "real me," anyway?\n
[10:22] ---
    Is he married? Does he have kids?\nIs he into guys, too?\n
[10:27] ---
    Does he have tons of debt?\n
[10:28] ---
    Is he an alien? Or from the future?\n
[10:31] ---
    Does he have ESP? Is he really a girl?\n
[10:38] ---
    I couldn't sleep a wink...\n
[10:41] ---
    But no matter what\nhis secret is, I'll deal with it...\n
[10:49] ---
    ...and I'll go out with him!\n
[10:56] ---
    You really came!\n
[11:03] ---
    Uh-huh!\n
[11:10] ---
    So: I'm in primary school. What now?\n
[11:24] ---
    "Kanade Takahashi - 5th-Grader"\n
[11:27] ---
    And that's how the monster\ncalled "first love" began its assault.\n
[11:35] ---
    "So: I'm in Primary School. What Now?"\n
[11:38] ---
    "Takahashi"\n
[11:38] ---
    So are we going to go out?\n
[11:41] ---
    Huh? Um, I, uh...\n
[11:44] ---
    Yes!\n
[11:48] ---
    Then as of today, you're my girlfriend.\n
[11:52] ---
    Now I, too, finally had the\ncool boyfriend I'd always wanted.\n
[11:57] ---
    "And they lived happily ever after"\n
[12:03] ---
    As if!\n
[12:05] ---
    No way--not a primary-school kid!\n
[12:08] ---
    Yodel-ay-hoo-hee, Kanade!\n
[12:11] ---
    Huh? Are these your friends?\n
[12:13] ---
    Yep. We're in the same class.\n
[12:15] ---
    This kid with the glasses is Gin...\n
[12:17] ---
    "Ginjiro Sannomiya - 5th-Grader"\n
[12:19] ---
    ...and this one with the hair is Tom.\n
[12:22] ---
    "Tomu Kaneko - 5th-Grader"\n
[12:23] ---
    Is this what all primary-school kids are like these days?!
[12:28] ---
    This here is my girlfriend.\n
[12:30] ---
    H-Hi.\n
[12:32] ---
    Aw, man--I wanted a girlfriend! And she's older, too!
[12:37] ---
    I see... You've climbed\nthe stairs to adulthood, Kanade.\n
[12:41] ---
    Stairs to adulthood...?\n
[12:44] ---
    Okay, Kaho, see you later.\n
[12:46] ---
    Oh, have a good day.\n
[12:48] ---
    We're off!\n
[12:49] ---
    We're awful!\n
[12:51] ---
    We're awfully awesome!\n
[12:55] ---
    Congrats to the new couple!\n
[12:58] ---
    Y-You've got it all wrong! It'll never work!\n
[13:02] ---
    True. After all, he is in primary school.
[13:05] ---
    Indecent?\n
[13:07] ---
    Criminal? Perverted?\n
[13:10] ---
    But I wonder. You did say you'd go out with him.
[13:14] ---
    How would he feel if you\ntold him "Yeah, never mind" now?\n
[13:17] ---
    Huh?\n
[13:18] ---
    Kanade's a lonely young man\nwho lost his mother in third grade...\n
[13:23] ---
    "Children Crossing"\n
[13:31] ---
    "Bamboo Primary School"\n
[13:33] ---
    Now, what I'd like the students\nof Bamboo Primary to remember today\n
[13:36] ---
    is "SUSHI." Now, I don't mean the food.\n
[13:40] ---
    --The "S" stands for "Stranger danger."\n--Ow! I sprained my fingers!\n
[13:44] ---
    Mr. Principal, the boys are acting up!\n
[13:46] ---
    Er...\n
[13:54] ---
    Even at a new school,\nmy head's full of thoughts of Kanade...\n
[13:59] ---
    Do you want to die or what?!\n
[14:01] ---
    What should I do?\n
[14:07] ---
    Kanade? Kanade, what are you doing?!\n
[14:12] ---
    Kaho? His wner is in a bad place!\n
[14:15] ---
    Huh?\n
[14:20] ---
    Hey! Is your wner okay?\n
[14:22] ---
    Wner pain, go away! Wner pain, go away!\n
[14:27] ---
    Wner, go away!\n
[14:34] ---
    Wait! Don't wish his wner away!\nWhere's it gonna go?!\n
[14:40] ---
    Um... into the sky or something?\n
[14:43] ---
    Hey, Kaho--where's his wner gonna go?\n
[14:47] ---
    Um, uh... where indeed?\n
[14:51] ---
    "No Opinions Needed"\nt couldn't be buried somewhere, could it?!\n
[14:54] ---
    Could it?!
[14:59] ---
    We found Gin's wner!\n
[15:01] ---
    Gin's wner! Golden pp!\n
[15:03] ---
    That is not my w°°ner!
[15:06] ---
    I'm glad everything's\nall right. I-I'll just be--\n
[15:10] ---
    Wait, Kaho!\n
[15:13] ---
    Play tip-top tag with us!\n
[15:16] ---
    Tip-top tag?\n
[15:20] ---
    "Tip-top tag" is a popular game\nat Japan's primary schools\n
[15:23] ---
    that can be played\nwherever there's higher ground.\n
[15:26] ---
    More commonly known as "high tag,"\n
[15:28] ---
    it's also called "climb tag,"\n"air tag," and "up-and-up"\n
[15:33] ---
    depending on the region.\n
[15:36] ---
    Viewers at home, what do you call it?
[15:43] ---
    1, 2, 3, 4, 5!\n
[15:50] ---
    Wait up!\n
[15:53] ---
    Kaho! He's gonna tag you! Run away!\n
[15:56] ---
    Oh, uh, okay!\n
[16:00] ---
    Oof!\n
[16:04] ---
    Are you all right?\n
[16:06] ---
    Oh, Taga! I'm sorry!\n
[16:09] ---
    That Kanade's a rambunctious one. Be careful.\n
[16:11] ---
    I-I will.\n
[16:13] ---
    Oh, Taga!\n
[16:15] ---
    Okay, take care!\n
[16:18] ---
    Kaho, Tom is "it" now, so hurry to high ground!\n
[16:22] ---
    Oh, um, right!\n
[16:25] ---
    Hup!\n
[16:28] ---
    Tch!\n
[16:32] ---
    Not the climbing poles again, Gin!
[16:35] ---
    Gin really likes those things!\n
[16:38] ---
    Haven't you figured out\nwhat's so great about them?\n
[16:42] ---
    What is so great about them, anyway?
[16:49] ---
    I think I get it.\n
[16:52] ---
    You're welcome.\n
[16:54] ---
    Hey, what's keeping Kaz?\n
[16:56] ---
    Kaz?\n
[16:57] ---
    Kaz'll be here soon. He's crazy cool.\n
[17:01] ---
    The coolest of us all.\n
[17:03] ---
    So there's another guy who's decidedly un-primary-kid-like?
[17:10] ---
    So: I'm in primary school, too. What now?\n
[17:13] ---
    Don't cheat on me, now, Kaho.\n
[17:16] ---
    Ch-Cheat on you?\n
[17:18] ---
    Kaz is an amazing guy.\n
[17:20] ---
    He might just steal\nyour girlfriend away, Kanade.\n
[17:23] ---
    He's our class rep, too. A real big shot!\n
[17:25] ---
    Don't make me mad, you guys!\n
[17:27] ---
    I apologize for being late.\n
[17:28] ---
    You finally made it!\n
[17:30] ---
    What could he be like?\n
[17:32] ---
    Let me introduce you. This is Kaz.\n
[17:36] ---
    Nice to meet you. I'm Kazuo Noguchi.\n
[17:39] ---
    "Kazuo Noguchi - 5th-Grader"\n
[17:41] ---
    Finally, a normal primary-school kid!\n
[17:44] ---
    She's been done in by Kaz's coolness.\n
[17:46] ---
    Hmm.\n
[17:50] ---
    Sorry to disappoint you.\n
[17:53] ---
    Oh, no--I'm actually kind of relieved.\n
[17:58] ---
    Hey, this is feeling like\nsome kind of cuckolding setup.\n
[18:01] ---
    Eeeyikes! What are you gonna do, Kanade?\n
[18:03] ---
    Shaddap! Kaho's my girlfriend.\n
[18:07] ---
    Kanade, it's kind of embarrassing,\nso maybe don't spell it out like that...\n
[18:16] ---
    Okay, back to it!\n
[18:18] ---
    Yeah! I'm "it"!\n
[18:20] ---
    Hey, wait!\n
[18:21] ---
    No time-outs!\n
[18:23] ---
    It's an emergency!\n
[18:27] ---
    Geez, you're adjusting your jnk?\n
[18:29] ---
    Don't want a wner-leaner.\n
[18:31] ---
    Wner-leaner?\n
[18:38] ---
    It's about finding the most\ncomfortable spot for your wner.\n
[18:41] ---
    For your...\n
[18:43] ---
    "Wner"\n
[18:46] ---
    --Gin just shoves his hands right in there.\n--I-I've just connected\n
[18:48] ---
    --Gotta treasure your treasure!\n--some extremely embarrassing dots!\n
[18:50] ---
    But normally you go\nfrom your pockets, like this.\n
[18:53] ---
    The direct approach is more reliable!\n
[18:55] ---
    Do not touch me with those hands!
[18:58] ---
    Now, that just makes\nme want to touch you more.\n
[19:01] ---
    W-Wner hands!\n
[19:04] ---
    Whoa! He's got the wner touch!\n
[19:05] ---
    Run away!\n
[19:09] ---
    St-Stop that! Hands off! Don't touch me!\n
[19:12] ---
    So you're saying I should touch you?\n
[19:17] ---
    --Wn... er! Wn... er!\n--Olé!\n
[19:22] ---
    Wn--?\n
[19:24] ---
    Wn... er...\n
[19:28] ---
    Wn... er...\n
[19:35] ---
    Ding-a-ling!\n
[19:37] ---
    Kaho!\n
[19:42] ---
    Kanade...\n
[19:51] ---
    When a girl is in trouble, reach out to help.\n
[19:55] ---
    That's what my mom taught me.\n
[19:58] ---
    Your mom?\n
[20:00] ---
    So don't worry.\nI'll protect you, no matter what.\n
[20:06] ---
    Kanade...\n
[20:11] ---
    Attention, boys and girls!\n
[20:14] ---
    --It is now 5:30 PM.\n
[20:14] ---
    --Uh-oh--I gotta head home\n--It is now 5:30 PM.\n
[20:16] ---
    --or I'll get Namiko's fists!\n--It is now 5:30 PM.\n
[20:18] ---
    --And I have cram school.\n--Time for everyone playing outside\n
[20:19] ---
    --See you later!\n--Time for everyone playing outside\n
[20:20] ---
    --Kaho.\n--to get home safely.\n
[20:25] ---
    Just so you know,\nI'm against you and Kanade dating.\n
[22:07] ---
    Now for some afterclass homeroom.\n
[22:10] ---
    Okay!\n
[22:12] ---
    Today I'd like to discuss\nthe results you see here!\n
[22:15] ---
    Hmm? That's a lot of "correct"s.\n
[22:17] ---
    Hey, I've got the second most!\n
[22:20] ---
    Aha--so if I came in first...\n
[22:22] ---
    I got it! It's the number of\ncorrect things we did all day!\n
[22:26] ---
    Just the opposite!\n
[22:27] ---
    The more "correct"s, the more you\nmust reflect on what you've done!\n
[22:31] ---
    Say... what?\n
[22:32] ---
    This is a tally of how many\ntimes you've said certain words.\n
[22:36] ---
    Y-Y-You mean th-th-the ones you can't say on TV?\n
[22:41] ---
    Yes, that's right.\n
[22:43] ---
    But what could we have said this many times?\n
[22:45] ---
    Can't think of anything.\n
[22:48] ---
    All we really did today was\nhit our wners on the jungle gym,\n
[22:52] ---
    rub our wners on the climbing poles,\n
[22:54] ---**
    and adjust our jnk.\n
[22:57] ---
    Huh?\n
[22:57] ---
    "Gin | Tom | Kanade"\n
[22:59] ---
    The count's gone up!\n
[23:02] ---
    But why?\n
[23:03] ---
    --What gives? All he said was "wner" and "j*nk"!\n
[23:04] ---
    --What gives? All he said was "wner" and "jnk"!\n--"W**ner" and "jnk" are perfectly fine words!\n
[23:07] ---
    --What gives? All he said was "wner" and "j*nk"!\n--Why them?\n
[23:08] ---
    --Something's fishy!\n--Why "wner"? Wner! J*nk! And... wner!\n
[23:08] ---
    --Ooh... is this...\n--Why "wner"? Wner! pp! And... wner!\n
[23:12] ---
    Enough already! Quit saying "wner"!\n
[23:19] ---
    Aw, too bad.\n
[23:22] ---
    "Taga | Kazu | Kota"\n
[23:23] ---
    Oh...\n
[23:25] ---
    Renren here!\n
[23:26] ---
    Coming up on FIRST LOVE MONSTER...\n
[23:29] ---
    "High-school freshman Kaho is dating\nfifth-grader Kanade. It's her first love,"\n
[23:32] ---
    "not to mention her first boyfriend,"\nAll on the next FIRST LOVE MONSTER:\n
[23:33] ---
    "and she's determined to learn more about him."\nAll on the next FIRST LOVE MONSTER:\n
[23:34] ---
    "Ah, Kasumi House"!\n
[23:36] ---**
    And now for a match! Renren, chon!\n

2 - Ah, Kasumi House

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:04] ---
    It's morning.\n
[00:12] ---
    No matter how much happens,\n
[00:15] ---
    morning will come.\n
[00:25] ---
    Coming!\n
[00:28] ---
    Yo!\n
[00:30] ---
    Want breakfast?\n
[00:31] ---
    Y-Yes! I do! I'll be right there!\n
[00:34] ---
    'Kay!\n
[00:38] ---
    Of course--when we live under the same roof,\n
[00:42] ---
    we'll see each other right when we wake up.\n
[00:47] ---
    Just so you know,\nI'm against you and Kanade dating.\n
[00:55] ---
    Yeah. No way can I be\nwith someone in primary school.\n
[01:10] ---
    Good morning! You must be Miss Nikaido.\n
[01:13] ---
    Y-Yes, Kaho Nikaido.\n
[01:16] ---
    Sorry I've been out.\nI'm the landlord, Shugo Takahashi.\n
[01:21] ---
    Huh?!\n
[01:22] ---
    Takahashi? So that means...\n
[01:24] ---
    Might you be Kanade's...\n
[01:27] ---
    Father, yep!\n
[01:29] ---
    "Shugo Takahashi: Househusband" This guy?
[01:32] ---
    --K-Kanade, be quiet!\n--Wake up, Kota!\n
[01:36] ---
    Sorry he's so loud so early in the morning.\n
[01:38] ---
    N-Not at all...\n
[01:40] ---
    He's always been a rambunctious one,\n
[01:42] ---
    but after his mom died two years back,\n
[01:44] ---
    he's getting to be a real handful.\n
[01:46] ---
    --C'mon, Shinohara, do something about Kanade!\n--Cut it out, Kanade! I'm up already, I'm up!\n
[01:53] ---
    Ah, but just think of him as a little brother\n
[01:55] ---
    and play with him every now and then.\n
[01:57] ---
    S-Sure...\n
[01:59] ---
    L-Little brother? He's my boyfriend!\n
[02:03] ---
    Not that I can tell him that.
[02:26] ---
    "FIRST LOVE MONSTER"\n
[03:37] ---
    "Ah, Kasumi House"\n
[03:47] ---
    Wh-Who are you?!\n
[03:48] ---
    You must be Kaho! You're so cute!\n
[03:52] ---
    So cute, cute, cutey-cute-cute!\n
[03:56] ---
    Behind you!\n
[04:01] ---
    B-But you're the cutest in the whole wide world, Chiaki!
[04:05] ---
    What on earth is going on here?\n
[04:07] ---
    That's Arashi Nagasawa,\na grad student and Chiaki's boyfriend.\n
[04:13] ---
    Why, you...\n
[04:13] ---
    "Arashi Nagasawa: 1st-Year Grad Student"\nWhy, you...\n
[04:17] ---
    Boyfriend and girlfriend, huh?\n
[04:24] ---
    Time to dig in!\n
[04:27] ---
    Wh-What is it?\n
[04:29] ---
    Gimme your seaweed.\n
[04:31] ---
    Oh, uh, here.\n
[04:33] ---
    Thank you!\n
[04:34] ---
    Yours, too, Kota.\n
[04:36] ---
    I-I already ate it!\n
[04:38] ---
    Tch!\n
[04:39] ---
    And Arashi?\n
[04:40] ---
    You can't have it.\n
[04:42] ---
    Aw, c'mon, Arashi--\n
[04:44] ---
    You sit down!\n
[04:46] ---
    But--\n
[04:47] ---
    One packet of seaweed per person. Got it?\n
[04:50] ---
    Yeah...\n
[04:52] ---
    Kanade bumming his beloved\nseaweed off people--so cute!\n
[04:56] ---
    Oh, that's right, Miss Nikaido...\n
[04:59] ---
    Yes?\n
[05:00] ---
    I haven't explained the various ins\nand outs of Kasumi House yet, have I?\n
[05:05] ---
    Right.\n
[05:06] ---
    I can do that later, if you don't mind.\n
[05:09] ---
    Please do, then!\n
[05:11] ---
    Th-Thanks in advance.\n
[05:19] ---
    Taga is so kind...\n
[05:23] ---
    So, like, what do you do when you're dating?\n
[05:26] ---
    C'mon, tell me!\n
[05:29] ---
    Geez, Kanade--not in front of everyone!\n
[05:30] ---
    --And your dad, too!\n--Where'd that come from?\n
[05:33] ---
    Well, thing is--\n
[05:35] ---
    Uh-oh!\n
[05:36] ---
    Probably from those\nsoap operas he's been watching lately.\n
[05:41] ---
    Ah, the TV again.\n
[05:43] ---
    Phew. Wait...\n
[05:46] ---
    Did Taga's covering for us actually work?\n
[05:50] ---
    Oh, hey: Arashi, you're\ndating Chiaki, so you must know.\n
[05:54] ---
    What do you do?\n
[05:56] ---
    Hmm... like, call her\nfirst thing in the morning?\n
[05:59] ---
    Call her?!
[06:00] ---
    And call her when you leave the house.\n
[06:02] ---
    Can't you text her?\n
[06:04] ---
    But when you're dating,\nyou want to hear her voice!\n
[06:08] ---
    Huh.\n
[06:09] ---
    But it looks like Chiaki has\nme on her reject list these days.\n
[06:14] ---
    Duh! It's way too creepy to be\ncalling me 90 times a day when we live\n
[06:17] ---
    in the same building!\n
[06:19] ---
    But I get three feet from you\nand already I want to hear your voice!\n
[06:24] ---
    Five calls, max!\n
[06:25] ---
    Okay, okay. Five it is.\n
[06:28] ---
    --Five calls...\n--Kanade, it's plain to see\n
[06:30] ---
    that Arashi is not a role model.
[06:33] ---
    Oh, okay. Then you tell me, Kota.
[06:35] ---
    Who, me?\n
[06:37] ---
    Well, uh... you can... hold hands, and, uh...\n
[06:40] ---
    Kanade, asking Kota the\nvirgin is even more useless.\n
[06:43] ---
    Virgin?\n
[06:45] ---
    Th-That has nothing to do with this!\n
[06:47] ---
    But you are a virgin, aren't you?
[06:51] ---
    Hey, Kaho...\n
[06:54] ---
    What's a virgin?\n
[06:57] ---
    Hey! That's not something you ask a girl!\n
[07:00] ---
    --Now eat already! --Aw! Why won't you tell me? Meanie!
[07:04] ---
    Never mind that, Kanade--\n
[07:05] ---
    weren't you supposed to hang out\nwith Gin and Tom this morning?\n
[07:09] ---
    Oh, right!\n
[07:19] ---
    The landlord usually makes our meals.\n
[07:23] ---
    Tell him if you're opting out.\n
[07:25] ---
    Okay.\n
[07:26] ---
    We have free reign of the kitchen,\n
[07:28] ---
    but don't eat anything without permission.\n
[07:31] ---
    Oh, and if you keep anything\nin the fridge, put your name on it.\n
[07:34] ---
    Like pudding and stuff.\n
[07:35] ---
    Got it.\n
[07:36] ---
    And the bath.\n
[07:38] ---
    Here's the timetable; write your\nname by the bathtime you'd like.\n
[07:44] ---
    Don't worry: it locks.\n
[07:46] ---
    Okay.\n
[07:47] ---
    And that should cover it.\n
[07:49] ---
    Thanks; that's very kind of you.\n
[07:51] ---
    It's nothing, really.\nOh, about your welcome party...\n
[07:56] ---
    Huh? For me?\n
[07:58] ---
    Of course. How about my room, later today?\n
[08:01] ---
    Oh, sure, that'll work.\n
[08:04] ---
    Good! We're all so glad you're here.\n
[08:07] ---
    Thank you so much.\n
[08:08] ---
    Okay, see you later.\n
[08:10] ---
    Uh-huh! Thanks again!\n
[08:14] ---
    A welcome party?\nI'm a little nervous, but happy, too.\n
[08:20] ---
    Oh, could you put any\ncardboard boxes out by the trash?\n
[08:24] ---
    Sure thing.\n
[08:26] ---
    I'm heading out for some shopping.\n
[08:28] ---
    S-See you later!\n
[08:34] ---
    If Kanade's dad found out\nI was dating his primary-school son...\n
[08:42] ---
    Indecent?\n
[08:43] ---
    Criminal?\n
[08:44] ---
    Perverted?\n
[08:46] ---
    ...Yeah, that would not be good.
[09:00] ---
    Wh-What are you doing?!\n
[09:02] ---
    What? I like upper arms!\n
[09:04] ---
    Yeah, but so suddenly?\n
[09:05] ---
    Can't I?\n
[09:07] ---
    Well, it's more that, uh...\n
[09:09] ---
    I mean, you're my girlfriend.\n
[09:13] ---
    Girlfriend? Oh, geez... I'm blushing...\n
[09:17] ---
    You can't go around touching girls.\n
[09:20] ---
    Unless it's your girlfriend.\n
[09:22] ---
    That's what I've been taught.\n
[09:23] ---
    By who?\n
[09:25] ---
    My mom.\n
[09:26] ---
    Your mom told you that?\n
[09:29] ---
    Yep!\n
[09:33] ---
    I still can't believe\nthis guy is in primary school...\n
[09:37] ---
    Kanade! We're here for some ele-fun!\n
[09:41] ---
    Oh, Mr. Elephant, your trunk is so long!\n
[09:45] ---
    And your wner, too--\n
[09:48] ---
    it's sooo long! Boi-oing!\n
[09:52] ---
    He's in primary school, all right.\n
[09:55] ---
    Bamboo Primary's jump-rope\ncompetition is early next week,\n
[09:58] ---
    so we're gonna practice!\n
[09:59] ---
    Oh, are you?\n
[10:01] ---
    I want to beat the record in criss-cross!\n
[10:04] ---
    Cr-Criss-cross?\n
[10:09] ---
    "Criss-cross" is a highly\ndifficult variation on jumping rope,\n
[10:12] ---
    wherein the jumper must\njump through the gap formed\n
[10:15] ---
    where the rope is crossed.\n
[10:17] ---
    It's also called "double jump" or\n"speed jump" depending on the region.\n
[10:22] ---
    Incidentally, we have confirmed reports\n
[10:25] ---
    that the sting of a jumprope\nagainst one's bare leg as a child\n
[10:28] ---
    has opened some individuals' eyes\nto masochism in adulthood.\n
[10:36] ---
    I'm a criss-cross pro--\n
[10:39] ---
    I can jump 30 times in a row!\n
[10:40] ---
    I'll show you, Kaho.\n
[10:42] ---
    I-I sure would like to see that.\n
[10:45] ---
    I'm practicing triple-unders!
[10:48] ---
    I'd rather tie stuff up instead!\n
[10:51] ---
    Aw, but jumping is way more fun!\n
[10:57] ---
    Good morning, Kaho.\n
[10:59] ---
    G-Good morning.\n
[11:02] ---
    Hey, Kaho, come jump rope with us!\n
[11:04] ---
    Well, uh...\n
[11:07] ---
    I-I still have a lot of tidying-up\nto do after my move-in.\n
[11:11] ---
    Oh, okay. Well, come when you're done!\n
[11:14] ---
    Y-Yep, I will--when I'm done!\n
[11:17] ---
    Okay, off we go yodel-oh!\n
[11:19] ---
    Off we godel-odel-oh!\n
[11:20] ---
    Yodel-ay-pee-poo!\n
[11:22] ---
    Byeee!\n
[11:24] ---
    If you'll excuse us.\n
[11:25] ---
    Uh, g-goodbye...\n
[11:32] ---
    Now that was a big sigh.
[11:40] ---
    Um...\n
[11:41] ---
    Truth is, I go for "pretty girls."\n
[11:45] ---
    Pardon?\n
[11:46] ---
    Well, to be precise,\nI like boys dressed as girls.\n
[11:49] ---
    So basically girl-boys.\n
[11:52] ---
    What?!\n
[11:53] ---
    Like Li'l Renren! Maybe you\ndon't--um, so what I mean is... this:\n
[12:01] ---
    This is all my Li'l Renren collection!\n
[12:08] ---
    Y-You sure do like those dolls, huh?\n
[12:12] ---
    Aren't I lucky? OMG, I can't stand it!
[12:15] ---
    Isn't Li'l Renren the cutest?! I could lick him all over!
[12:18] ---
    A little tee-hee right here,\n
[12:21] ---
    a little ooh-hoo where he's ticklish...\n
[12:23] ---
    Oh, my fantasies are in overdrive! I'm breathless!
[12:28] ---
    Sorry I lost myself like that.\nYou must be scandalized.\n
[12:33] ---
    But you know,\nChiaki still accepts me, even like this.\n
[12:38] ---
    So it's okay.\n
[12:40] ---
    You're big-hearted enough\nto accept your partner, right?\n
[12:45] ---
    Even if he's in primary school?\n
[12:47] ---
    No sweat. What's five years?\n
[12:49] ---
    Chiaki and I are five years apart.\nAge has nothing to do with it--\n
[12:55] ---
    as long as you have love.\n
[12:57] ---
    Love?!\n
[12:58] ---
    Yeah, love. Love!\n
[13:02] ---
    But I can't help feeling\nthat a girl like me has no excuse\n
[13:07] ---
    being Kanade's girlfriend.\n
[13:09] ---
    Kaho, I feel like saying "the likes of me"\n
[13:13] ---
    is being rude to Chiaki,\nwho accepts me for who I am.\n
[13:19] ---
    I heard saying "the likes of me"\nwill mess you up for real.\n
[13:24] ---
    He's right.\n
[13:27] ---
    Kanade did accept me.\n
[13:31] ---
    Now I've got to accept him, too!\n
[13:36] ---
    Nagasawa's so kind.\nFor him to give me advice like this...\n
[13:42] ---
    I'm heading back to my room.\nThanks for all your--\n
[13:49] ---
    Oh, my little Renren--\n
[13:51] ---
    --you're so adorable!\n--Now for my thrilling\n
[13:54] ---
    "Renren" "Spotlight Artist of the Week"\nlive-on-the-air costume change--\n
[13:57] ---
    "Renren" "Spotlight Artist of the Week"\nafter these messages!\n
[14:03] ---
    "Renren" "Spotlight Artist of the Week"\nJust kidding! Tee-hee!\n
[14:12] ---
    Sorry I'm late!\n
[14:14] ---
    Where are they?\n
[14:17] ---
    Well, it sure is precious to me.
[14:20] ---
    What are they talking about?\nSomething precious to him?\n
[14:25] ---
    What's that saying,\nabout always being together?\n
[14:28] ---
    I know! "Joined at the n*p"!\n
[14:30] ---
    Tom, you mean "joined at the hip."\n
[14:33] ---
    --Right--it's like that.\n--Yeah!\n
[14:36] ---
    --Kanade?\n--But I wasn't far off with "joined at the n*p"!\n
[14:37] ---
    --What if this precious treasure\n--But I wasn't far off with "joined at the n*p"!\n
[14:38] ---
    suddenly went away tomorrow?\n
[14:42] ---
    --Ever think about that?\n--Stop it! I don't wanna think\n
[14:44] ---
    --Yeah, Gin, quit with the scary talk!\n--about anything that scary!\n
[14:47] ---
    Ah. You love it so much, it could\npoke you in the butt and it wouldn't hurt.\n
[14:51] ---
    Poke you in the eye, you mean.\n
[14:56] ---
    What?! That would definitely hurt!
[14:59] ---
    Right? Not in my eye!
[15:01] ---
    Um... you seem to be having\na very serious discussion.\n
[15:05] ---
    What are you talking about?\n
[15:07] ---
    Our most precious partners!\n
[15:10] ---
    Partners?!\n
[15:11] ---
    Never mind--we shouldn't\ntalk about this in front of Kaho.\n
[15:14] ---
    C'mon, let's be done with this.\n
[15:16] ---
    Oh...? So he's hiding\nsomething he can't tell me...\n
[15:21] ---
    I'm really sorry.\nWe don't want to be mean to you.\n
[15:26] ---
    I mean, you're the only one here without one.\n
[15:29] ---
    A wner, I mean.\n
[15:33] ---
    C'mon! N-No more of\nthis--not with a lady present!\n
[15:36] ---
    Huh? No more of what?\n
[15:39] ---
    No more beep talk!\n
[15:40] ---
    Hmm? Can't hear you.\n
[15:42] ---
    Beep talk, I said!\n
[15:44] ---
    What's this beep stuff?\nJust say "wner" like the rest of us!\n
[15:50] ---
    I will not!
[15:51] ---
    I'd give you one if I could...\nwell, I only have the one. Sorry.\n
[15:57] ---
    I'm sure you'd like one, too.\n
[16:00] ---
    No, I don't want one! Not in the slightest!\n
[16:05] ---
    Are you serious?
[16:07] ---
    But our precious wners mean the world to us!\n
[16:11] ---
    I was sure you of all people\nwould accept this treasure\n
[16:15] ---
    that we hold so dear!\n
[16:17] ---
    To think you'd be so quick\nto say you don't want a wner at all!\n
[16:22] ---
    Now what? Kanade's getting all depressed!\n
[16:26] ---
    Um...\n
[16:28] ---
    I do want a w°°ner, Kanade!
[16:32] ---
    Of course you do!
[16:35] ---
    --That's a given! Ha ha! Right? Phew!\n--Did I just blurt out what I think I blurted out?\n
[16:40] ---
    I knew you'd understand.\n
[16:41] ---
    --At least they're all smiling again, though... right?\n--I mean, who doesn't want a treasure, am I right?\n
[16:47] ---
    "Kasumi House"\n
[16:50] ---
    I never did get to see you\njump criss-cross, Kanade.\n
[16:55] ---
    I'm done with lunch,\nso we can hit the park again later.\n
[16:59] ---
    Criss-cross! Criss-cross!\n
[17:01] ---
    Sounds like fun.\n
[17:03] ---
    Taga!\n
[17:04] ---
    Nice timing, Kanade. I just saw this\nginormous ladybug outside my window.\n
[17:09] ---
    For real?!\n
[17:10] ---
    Yep. With ten spots, too.\n
[17:13] ---
    A ten-spot ladybug? Whoa!\n
[17:16] ---
    I'm gonna catch it for sure!\n
[17:19] ---
    Ten-spot! Ten-spot! Ten-spot!\n
[17:22] ---
    He's a kid, all right.\n
[17:24] ---
    H-He sure is.\n
[17:27] ---
    The way his eyes twinkled\nover a single ladybug...\n
[17:31] ---
    So cute!\n
[17:39] ---
    Shall we?\n
[17:41] ---
    Um, yeah.\n
[17:52] ---
    No one's here yet.\n
[17:59] ---
    Er...\n
[18:01] ---
    Oh! How much are we chipping in for the party?\n
[18:04] ---
    I, um, left my wallet in my room,\nso I'll just head back for a sec.\n
[18:12] ---
    Taga?\n
[18:13] ---
    Are you stupid or what?\n
[18:15] ---
    Huh?\n
[18:16] ---
    Waltzing right into the room\nof some man you hardly know...\n
[18:20] ---
    B-But the welcome party...\n
[18:23] ---
    There is no welcome party. Nada.
[18:27] ---
    You're a sheltered princess who's\nnever known hardship. You make me sick.\n
[18:32] ---
    Falling for Kanade shows\njust how stupid you are.\n
[18:35] ---
    It's a huge giveaway when you get all nervous\nand flushed, yet you're strangely assertive--\n
[18:40] ---
    --Sorry--it fell through.\n--and boy, that grinds my gears.\n
[18:43] ---
    Mom says I can't come to your birthday party,\n
[18:46] ---
    so forget about that promise I made.\n
[18:49] ---
    She said our families belong\nto different social classes,\n
[18:52] ---
    so I shouldn't play with you.\n
[18:56] ---
    Who'd welcome you?
[19:17] ---
    Kanade?!\n
[19:19] ---
    That ladybug wasn't so big after all.\n
[19:22] ---
    And it only has seven spots, not ten!\n
[19:25] ---
    Ah. My bad.\n
[19:32] ---
    And with this forehead-flick, you are forgiven.\n
[19:36] ---
    Then why'd you hit me?\n
[19:38] ---
    You made her cry.\n
[19:40] ---
    She's my girlfriend, and you made her cry.\n
[19:45] ---
    You shouldn't make your girlfriend cry.\nYou have to protect her.\n
[19:53] ---
    Kanade, did your mom tell you that, too?\n
[19:59] ---
    Uh-huh!\n
[20:02] ---
    What do I do now?\n
[20:04] ---
    Looks like my monster really is way too cool...\n
[21:40] ---
    "On Duty: Kota Shinohara"\n
[21:41] ---
    Um...\n
[21:42] ---
    "Afterclass Homeroom"\n
[21:43] ---
    "Afterclass Homeroom"\nI-I'm on duty today--Kota Shinohara--so, uh...\n
[21:47] ---
    Ooh, ooh! Question!\n
[21:49] ---
    Y-Yes, Kanade?\n
[21:51] ---
    What's a virgin?\n
[21:53] ---
    --Huh?!\n--You're a virgin, right? What's that mean?\n
[21:56] ---
    We wanna know, too!\n
[21:58] ---
    What's a virgin?!\n
[22:00] ---
    Wh-What's with the\npublic execution all of a sudden?\n
[22:04] ---
    I'll tell you.
[22:07] ---
    This virginity Kota has is something fantastic.\n
[22:10] ---
    Huh?\n
[22:12] ---
    If he keeps it safe, he could become a mage.\n
[22:15] ---
    A mage?!\n
[22:16] ---
    Yes, and having had\nno attempts on his virginity thus far,\n
[22:19] ---
    Kota here is a pure virgin-- the king of virgins, if you will.
[22:22] ---
    --Wow! Awesome!\n--Not really!\n
[22:25] ---
    It's not awesome at all!\nI'd throw it away if I could!\n
[22:28] ---
    Throw it away?!
[22:29] ---
    If you're just going to\nthrow it away, give it to me!\n
[22:31] ---
    I'm not doing that!\n
[22:34] ---
    No fair! Kota's virginity is mine!\n
[22:36] ---
    It's not yours, either, Kanade!\n
[22:38] ---
    Then it's mine?\n
[22:40] ---
    No, Tom!
[22:42] ---
    Wait--what is all this, anyway?!
[22:44] ---
    I'm unclear: is virginity\nworth getting so worked up over?\n
[22:49] ---
    Oh! Do you want to be a virgin, too, Kaz?\n
[22:53] ---
    Okay, we can all become virgins together!\n
[22:55] ---
    Virgins!\n
[22:57] ---
    Don't worry.\n
[22:59] ---
    You are all virgins.
[23:00] ---
    Oho! Really? Yesss!\n
[23:06] ---
    And in fact, if I could use\nthis moment to come out myself...\n
[23:10] ---
    I'm a virgin, too.\n
[23:12] ---
    What?! But you have a girlfriend!\n
[23:15] ---
    Chiaki's the one I love, but I only desire girl-boys!
[23:21] ---
    "Girl-Boys"\n
[23:21] ---
    Awesome!\n
[23:25] ---
    Renren here!\n
[23:27] ---
    Coming up on FIRST LOVE MONSTER...
[23:29] ---
    "Kaho's at the mercy of Kanade,\ncool beyond his primary-school years,"\n
[23:31] ---
    "and the other residents of Kasumi House.\nBut when Kanade asks her to do what a couple does,"\n
[23:32] ---
    "her emotional tension is cranked up to 11!" All on the next FIRST LOVE MONSTER:
[23:35] ---
    "It's My First"!\n
[23:36] ---**
    And now for a match! Renren, chon!\n

3 - It's My First

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:02] ---
    Looks great!\n
[00:04] ---
    Since I've gotten used\nto meals here at Kasumi House,\n
[00:08] ---
    I've come to realize my family's\nbreakfasts of snow crab five ways\n
[00:12] ---
    were not the norm.
[00:14] ---
    I prefer this in the morning.\nWell, except for one thing...\n
[00:23] ---
    These are the thousands--no,\ndozens of thousands of organisms\n
[00:27] ---
    packed inside a female cod's belly.\n
[00:30] ---
    Scientifically speaking,\na mass of cell nuclei...\n
[00:34] ---
    Well? When you think about it\nlike that, doesn't it squick you out?\n
[00:38] ---
    Just me, then? All righty.\n
[00:41] ---
    There's enough for seconds.\n
[00:45] ---
    But it's all right.\n
[00:47] ---
    I just need to brace myself\nand gulp it down in one fell swoop!\n
[00:58] ---
    That's one down!\n
[01:00] ---
    And I managed to avoid turning into a merlion.\n
[01:04] ---
    Now for this last one...\n
[01:09] ---
    Kota, Arashi--gimme your seaweed!\n
[01:12] ---
    Oh, sorry.\n
[01:13] ---
    Yeah, same here.\n
[01:15] ---
    Geez! You ate it already?\n
[01:19] ---
    Kaho...\n
[01:21] ---
    Gimme your seaweed!\n
[01:23] ---
    Kanade! I told you:\none packet of seaweed per person!\n
[01:26] ---
    Aw, but there's only six pieces in there!\n
[01:30] ---
    It's okay. Here.\n
[01:33] ---
    Thank you! Oh, and...\n
[01:38] ---
    Thanks for the grub!\n
[01:40] ---
    Could Kanade have eaten\nthat knowing I don't like cod roe...?\n
[02:07] ---
    "FIRST LOVE MONSTER"\n
[03:19] ---
    "It's My First"\n
[03:28] ---
    Who'd welcome you?
[03:34] ---
    Ignoring me?\n
[03:37] ---
    If you hate me so much, shouldn't you ignore me?
[03:43] ---
    Just pointing out your rudeness.\n
[03:45] ---
    If you're not ignoring her,\nthat must mean she interests you. Right?\n
[03:52] ---
    Stay out of this!\n
[03:54] ---
    Did you know? Interest, in that you\ncan't let someone be, is like affection.\n
[03:59] ---
    It's famously said that the\nopposite of "love" isn't "hate"--\n
[04:02] ---
    no, the opposite of "love" is "indifference."\n
[04:05] ---
    Um... what are you getting at, Chiaki?\n
[04:08] ---
    You want to be ignored,\nbut Taga can't ignore you.\n
[04:12] ---
    Clearly this is unrequited love on Taga's part.\n
[04:15] ---
    Please stop!\n
[04:17] ---
    You say that kind of silly stuff,\nand Taga is bound to...\n
[04:20] ---
    Bound to... what?\n
[04:24] ---
    Shinohara, Taga--you sure are popular, Kaho.\n
[04:29] ---
    Why is Shinohara's name coming up?\n
[04:32] ---
    And besides...\n
[04:33] ---
    There's no way Taga likes me!\n
[04:37] ---
    There might be.\n
[04:39] ---
    I found it strange myself.\n
[04:41] ---
    How is it I could care for\na clumsy, dim-witted numbskull...\n
[04:46] ---
    Yeah, right, you moron!\n
[04:49] ---
    If I'm interested in anyone,\nit's Kanade, not you, stupid.\n
[04:56] ---
    What's that supposed to mean?\n
[04:59] ---
    That he prefers Kanade over you, no?\n
[05:02] ---
    C'mon, Shinohara--come out\nof hiding and let's hit it!\n
[05:05] ---
    Huh?\n
[05:08] ---
    Shinohara?\n
[05:10] ---
    Honestly.\n
[05:11] ---
    Good morning, Miss Nikaido!\n
[05:16] ---
    Kaho!\n
[05:17] ---
    Kanade!\n
[05:18] ---
    Kaho, today's the day\nwe get our mission underway!\n
[05:23] ---
    Let's do something boyfriend-girlfriendy!\n
[05:26] ---
    Huh?\n
[05:28] ---
    Let's have a date!\n
[05:37] ---
    Of course...\n
[05:40] ---
    Hurry up!\n
[05:42] ---
    I freeze up when I see Kanade, but I guess\n
[05:45] ---
    this is normal for primary-school kids.\n
[05:48] ---
    Somehow I'm afraid to see\nKanade when he's at school.\n
[05:53] ---
    "Bamboo Primary School"\n
[05:54] ---
    It's not every day you see a\nhigh-schooler waiting for her date\n
[05:57] ---
    with a primary-schooler.\n
[05:59] ---
    Maybe I should just go home.\n
[06:03] ---
    But... it is a date.
[06:05] ---
    If I don't show up at our meeting spot,\nKanade's bound to worry.\n
[06:11] ---
    Kaho!\n
[06:12] ---
    Kanade?!\n
[06:19] ---
    Sorry I kept you.\n
[06:20] ---
    N-Not at all!\n
[06:22] ---
    Lately us boys have been\nall about the climbing poles!\n
[06:26] ---
    I-I got that.\n
[06:33] ---
    Yoo-hoo! C'mon, Kaho--you climb up, too!\n
[06:37] ---
    But I'm wearing a skirt.\n
[06:39] ---
    You can see Mt. Fuji from here!\n
[06:41] ---
    Uh, I-I'll pass...\n
[06:44] ---
    Oh. Then...\n
[06:49] ---
    Let's get this date started!\n
[06:52] ---
    By "date," you mean...\n
[06:56] ---
    Well...\n
[06:57] ---
    Y-Yes?\n
[06:59] ---
    Anything you'd like to do on a date with me?
[07:01] ---
    Huh?\n
[07:02] ---
    What do a boy and girl do when they meet one on one?
[07:06] ---
    What do they...\n
[07:09] ---
    This is my first date--I haven't the foggiest!\n
[07:13] ---
    P-Probably a date is like...\ngoing someplace fun together?\n
[07:19] ---
    Someplace fun, huh?\n
[07:20] ---
    I know! C'mon!\n
[07:24] ---
    I'm gonna show you the funnest time ever today!\n
[07:28] ---
    Kanade!\n
[07:32] ---
    No one's ever put it quite that way before.\n
[07:35] ---
    I can't help but get excited somehow...\n
[07:48] ---
    What do you think, Kaho?\n
[07:56] ---
    A present--from me.\n
[08:02] ---
    Only the finest date for you, Kaho!\n
[08:08] ---
    What a ridiculously unrealistic fantasy!\n
[08:13] ---
    Kanade's hardly the type to dress\nlike a prince and play the harp.\n
[08:18] ---
    He's a recorder-tooting primary-school kid!\n
[08:23] ---
    Um, Kanade, where are we going?\n
[08:26] ---
    The park!\n
[08:32] ---
    What do you think, Kaho?\n
[08:40] ---
    Only the finest date for you, Kaho!\n
[08:48] ---
    There I go again!\n
[08:49] ---
    I know it's my first date,\nbut my fantasies are out of control.\n
[08:53] ---
    I've got to face reality.\n
[08:54] ---
    Hey, Kaho! Over here!\n
[08:57] ---
    Oh, okay!\n
[08:59] ---
    Let's do this together!\n
[09:02] ---
    And this... this is my reality.
[09:07] ---
    Bring me a bucket of water.\n
[09:09] ---
    The spigot's over there.\n
[09:11] ---
    Oh, okay.\n
[09:16] ---
    Five more, please!\n
[09:18] ---
    Got it.\n
[09:25] ---
    Next we'll start building up our mountain.\n
[09:28] ---
    Okay.\n
[09:29] ---
    Pick the pebbles out of the sand\nso it won't collapse so easy.\n
[09:33] ---
    Uh-huh.\n
[09:34] ---
    And once the sand is piled up,\ngive the surface a good smack\n
[09:37] ---
    to harden it.\n
[09:39] ---
    Wherever it looks weak,\nuse that sticky sand to reinforce it.\n
[09:43] ---
    Okay.\n
[09:46] ---
    So there's this new café by the station.\n
[09:48] ---
    Oh, really? I'd like to check it out.\n
[09:51] ---
    Then let's go!\n
[09:51] ---
    Really?\n
[09:53] ---
    What am I even doing?\n
[09:57] ---
    Hey, you're good at this, Kaho!\n
[09:58] ---
    Huh?\n
[10:00] ---
    Thanks to you, today's mountain\nis super well-balanced!\n
[10:04] ---
    I've made tons of these before,\nbut never as awesome as this!\n
[10:10] ---
    Kanade, you've got sand on your face.\n
[10:13] ---
    Huh? Get it off, wouldja?\n
[10:15] ---
    Hang on.\n
[10:16] ---
    Ow, Kaho--that hurts!\n
[10:19] ---
    It's really stuck on there.\n
[10:21] ---
    Okay, all set.\n
[10:25] ---
    Thank you!\n
[10:26] ---
    Okay, that's enough mountain-building.\nNow we dig a tunnel.\n
[10:31] ---
    A tunnel?\n
[10:32] ---
    A tunnel won't make a nice sturdy\nmountain like this fall apart.\n
[10:36] ---
    I'll go from this side.\nKaho, you dig from over there.\n
[10:40] ---
    Okay!\n
[10:45] ---
    This is one sturdy mountain, all right.\n
[10:48] ---
    Need some real elbow grease\nto dig to the middle.\n
[10:50] ---
    Y-Yeah.\n
[11:05] ---
    Don't make the tunnel mouth too wide, Kaho.\n
[11:08] ---
    Oh, okay.\n
[11:10] ---
    Kaho, try jamming your\nhand further into the center.\n
[11:13] ---
    All right.\n
[11:20] ---
    We're connected!\n
[11:21] ---
    Uh-huh...\n
[11:26] ---
    Look at you two lovebirds.\n
[11:29] ---
    We are on a date!
[11:30] ---
    A date, eh?\n
[11:32] ---
    Hey, it's Arashi!\n
[11:36] ---
    Um, well, more like a "date"... er...\n
[11:41] ---
    And what a nice date it is, compared to us two.\n
[11:45] ---
    That's the way, Li'l Renren!\n
[11:48] ---
    Fantastic! Good job!\n
[11:50] ---
    Isn't this a better pose?\n
[11:52] ---
    Yikes, Kanade! Get your sandy mitts off that!\n
[11:55] ---
    That's my ultra-super-rare limited-first-edition\n
[11:58] ---
    "Poseable Cat-Ear Li'l Renren, Bashful Version"!\n
[12:02] ---
    This one, then! I see London, I see France--\n
[12:05] ---
    Hey! No peeking under that skirt!\n
[12:08] ---
    These figurine photo shoots are a regular thing.\n
[12:12] ---
    I see.\n
[12:14] ---
    Is this park not good enough for your dates?\n
[12:18] ---
    Um... Doesn't it bother you, Chiaki?\n
[12:22] ---
    Doesn't what?\n
[12:23] ---
    Uh, well, it's just...\n
[12:26] ---
    Oh, you mean Arashi being\na disappointment as a boyfriend?\n
[12:29] ---
    No, I--\n
[12:31] ---
    But he looks good, doesn't he?
[12:33] ---
    Huh? Well... yes.\n
[12:36] ---
    That's what counts!\n
[12:38] ---
    Um...\n
[12:39] ---
    Kanade's got good looks, too.\n
[12:41] ---
    Uh, well, that's... that's true.\n
[12:46] ---
    Then you're good.\n
[12:48] ---
    You seem to be worried about\nKanade being in primary school,\n
[12:51] ---
    but I see no problem here at all.\n
[12:54] ---
    I guess you're right. I do have fun with him...
[12:59] ---
    ...though this is a far cry from a lovers' date.\n
[13:03] ---
    The kind of date doesn't matter.\n
[13:05] ---
    There are as many dates as there are couples.\n
[13:08] ---
    Chiaki...\n
[13:09] ---
    Besides... Arashi is stupid nice.\n
[13:13] ---
    Huh?\n
[13:16] ---
    Nothing.\n
[13:18] ---
    Chiaki, Kanade's nice, too.\n
[13:22] ---
    --Eye lasers! Whoa!\n--You'll pull his eyes out!\n
[13:24] ---
    --And a butt bazooka! Ha ha!\n--You'll take his butt off!\n
[13:26] ---
    Hey, Kanade, aren't you on a date?\nDon't leave your girl hanging!\n
[13:32] ---
    Oh, right!\n
[13:35] ---
    Okay, Kaho, mission complete!\nOn to the next one!\n
[13:39] ---
    The... next?\n
[13:45] ---
    Here we are!\n
[13:46] ---
    "Kobayashi's"\n
[13:47] ---
    "Kobayashi's"\nIiit's... Kobayashi's!\n
[13:49] ---
    A penny-candy store?\n
[13:53] ---
    Hey, it's Kanade!\n
[13:54] ---
    Oh, you guys're here, too?\n
[13:57] ---
    Wait, didn't you say your date was today?\n
[14:01] ---
    We're smack in the middle of a mission.\n
[14:03] ---
    I brought Kaho to one of my favorite\nstores so she could get to know me.\n
[14:07] ---
    I get it. So you came to pay\nrespects to the counter hag.\n
[14:12] ---
    Counter rag? At a penny-candy store?\n
[14:16] ---
    Their counter hag is real famous.\n
[14:19] ---
    Who you callin' a hag, you nincompoops?!\n
[14:22] ---
    You keep spittin' on my candy without buyin' any,\n
[14:23] ---
    "Counter Hag"\nYou keep spittin' on my candy without buyin' any,\n
[14:24] ---
    "Counter Hag"\nyou can get right outta here!\n
[14:26] ---
    There it is: the counter hag's\n"Get Outta Here" attack!\n
[14:30] ---
    Hello, ma'am.\n
[14:31] ---
    Oh, my, Kaz--you came, too?\n
[14:34] ---
    Here, dearie, have a sucker.\n
[14:36] ---
    --Thank you very much.\n--She's always playing favorites.\n
[14:37] ---
    That's Kaz: our sixtysomething old-lady killer!\n
[14:41] ---
    "Apricot Bars, Triple-Vinegar Squid Bites,\nMr. Plum, Kibi Dumplings"\n
[14:42] ---
    Oh, wow, these take me back!\n
[14:44] ---
    Kanade!\n
[14:46] ---
    Are you okay?\n
[14:49] ---
    Tom, you chicken--not in the face!\n
[14:52] ---
    Prepare yourself--\n
[14:54] ---
    Hey, now! Take that ball and play outside!\n
[14:57] ---
    Count me in, too!\n
[14:58] ---
    Okay, let's play three-lives outside!\n
[15:01] ---
    Whaaat?!\n
[15:02] ---
    Kanade's going off to play\nwith Tom and the others? No way!\n
[15:09] ---
    I'll take that!\n
[15:12] ---
    Yes way...
[15:16] ---
    "What Is 'Three-Lives'?"\n
[15:16] ---
    "What Is 'Three-Lives'?"\nSimilar to the individual match that is dodgeball,\n
[15:21] ---
    in "three-lives" a player is hit\nthree times before he or she is out.\n
[15:24] ---
    Its simple rule and casual\nstyle--no need for a court--\n
[15:28] ---
    have won it more than 400 million players.\n
[15:31] ---
    Now attracting attention\nfor outstripping kabaddi,\n
[15:33] ---
    it's on track to feature at the 2020 Tokyo--\n
[15:36] ---
    Geez, Gin! You were aiming\nfor my balls, weren't you?!\n
[15:40] ---
    Ball-oney! Don't get Testy!
[15:43] ---
    Why, you...! An eye for an eye!\nA ball for a ball!\n
[15:46] ---
    Try my demonball on for size:\n
[15:49] ---
    Thunder Vacuum Nyaho\nNyaho-Tamakloe Do You Remember Me!\n
[15:52] ---
    Hey! Blatantly aiming for\nthe balls is an illegal move!\n
[15:57] ---
    Il-le-gal!\n
[16:02] ---
    Aren't you on a date?\nDon't leave your girl hanging!\n
[16:07] ---
    Oh, man--I was in the middle of a date!\n
[16:09] ---
    I'm out!\n
[16:11] ---
    What? But it was just getting good!\n
[16:13] ---
    I was this close to abandoning our mission!
[16:16] ---
    A date's a date till we get back home!\n
[16:18] ---
    C'mon, just a little longer!\n
[16:20] ---
    Tom! Take a hint.\nThe second half of any date is key.\n
[16:24] ---
    We've got to let the two of them be\nalone--tenderly.\n
[16:27] ---
    Tenderly?\n
[16:30] ---
    Get out of my way.\n
[16:32] ---
    Huh?\n
[16:33] ---
    I said, "Will you please move?"\n
[16:35] ---
    If you're in high school,\nsurely you're learning English.\n
[16:46] ---
    What's up? Gotta poop?\n
[16:48] ---
    Huh?\n
[16:49] ---
    You're so quiet and with such\na serious face--so I figured: poop!\n
[16:52] ---
    N-No, I don't!\n
[16:53] ---
    Don't hold it in.\nPoop is nothing to be ashamed of.\n
[16:56] ---
    Look, it's not that!\n
[16:58] ---
    Then what?\n
[17:00] ---
    Uh, well...\n
[17:05] ---
    See, Kaz and Taga are both\nagainst us dating, right? So...\n
[17:11] ---
    Oh, is that what you're worried about?
[17:14] ---
    Having obstacles--within reason--\nonly fans the flames of love.\n
[17:19] ---
    That's a pretty grown-up thing to say.\n
[17:22] ---
    Did your mom tell you that, too?\n
[17:24] ---
    Huh? I came up with all that myself.\n
[17:29] ---
    Oh, did you?\n
[17:31] ---
    'Course I did! Same as for nearly everything.\n
[17:35] ---
    I came up with dodgeball and the newest Yummy Stick flavor!
[17:40] ---
    There always were plenty\nof kids who said stuff like that.\n
[17:43] ---
    Here, Kaho, eat this.\n
[17:46] ---
    Mission three: A couple happily\neats the same thing together!\n
[17:51] ---
    Um...\n
[17:52] ---
    How do I eat this?\n
[17:54] ---
    Haven't you ever had cake-on-a-stick?\n
[17:56] ---
    Real fans have crazy ways of eating them,\n
[17:58] ---
    but normally you just chomp 'em from the top!\n
[18:01] ---
    No, I mean...\n
[18:04] ---
    Don't tell me, Kaho--\n
[18:06] ---
    you've never walked around while eating?\n
[18:08] ---
    N-No. If I concentrate\non holding this, I can't walk,\n
[18:12] ---
    and if I focus on walking, my mouth won't open.\n
[18:16] ---
    Here. Say "ah"!\n
[18:17] ---
    Huh?\n
[18:22] ---
    So sweet and delicious!\n
[18:24] ---
    Yep!\n
[18:29] ---
    We made it!\n
[18:30] ---
    Uh-huh! Thank you for one spectacular date.\n
[18:34] ---
    Not so fast, Kaho.\n
[18:35] ---
    Huh?\n
[18:37] ---
    The date's not over yet.\nThis is our final mission.\n
[18:41] ---
    Our final mission?\n
[18:44] ---
    The goodbye kiss.\n
[18:50] ---
    The goodbye kiss...\n
[18:56] ---
    Not like that.\n
[18:59] ---
    Couples kiss...\n
[19:02] ---
    ...here.
[19:24] ---
    Kanade... that...\nthat was... my first... kiss...\n
[19:38] ---
    W-Were you watching?\n
[19:41] ---
    Uh, no, I wasn't!\n
[19:42] ---
    Well, er, I wasn't not watching, but... I wasn't spying!
[19:45] ---
    I mean, I accidentally saw it.\nIt slipped into my vision!\n
[19:53] ---
    I saw that, I saw that!\n
[19:55] ---
    I saw you see that!\n
[19:58] ---
    It's a shock for the girl\nyou like to be going on a date,\n
[20:02] ---
    but to happen to catch her kissing?
[20:05] ---
    Cut it out, Chiaki.\n
[20:07] ---
    And what's worse, she was\nkissing a primary-school kid\n
[20:11] ---
    who's way cooler and way younger than you!
[20:14] ---
    Can't bounce back from that!
[20:16] ---
    Yes, it's true. I do like Miss Nikaido,\n
[20:20] ---
    and I was spying out of curiosity!\n
[20:22] ---
    That kiss with Kanade really was a shock...\n
[20:25] ---
    But that doesn't mean\nit's any kind of fun to mock\n
[20:28] ---
    a person's feelings for someone!\n
[20:30] ---
    Oh, it's fun, all right!\n
[20:31] ---
    This kind of intel is just my cup of tea.\n
[20:40] ---
    Hmph!\n
[20:44] ---
    Why don't you just come clean\nand tell Kaho how you feel?\n
[20:48] ---
    C'mon, Chiaki hates it when\npeople can't make up their minds.\n
[22:28] ---
    "English"\n
[22:29] ---
    Today we'll be having\nan English lesson for a change.\n
[22:33] ---
    --Aw, studying? I hate studying!\n--Now, we may be in primary school,\n
[22:36] ---
    --Aw, studying? I hate studying!\n--but English will be compulsory from here on out.\n
[22:38] ---
    We'll start with a simple greeting:\n
[22:41] ---
    Hi! Nice to meet you. My name is Kaz.\n
[22:45] ---
    Okay, now you try: "Hi!\nNice to meet you. My name is Kaz."\n
[22:51] ---
    Hi! Icy meat stew. I'm lame, this Kaz!\n
[22:55] ---
    I am not lame! And what's this "icy meat stew"?
[22:58] ---
    Hi! Mice to neat you. Om nom--it's Kaz!\n
[23:01] ---
    I'm not eating.\n
[23:02] ---
    Hi! Nice to eat you. Om nom nom Kaz!\n
[23:04] ---
    I said, I'm not eating!
[23:07] ---
    Hearing ability: zero.\nIt's the miso-paste penalty for you all.\n
[23:14] ---
    You know these visuals are totally not okay!
[23:18] ---
    --Poop! Poop!\n--Till next week! See you!\n
[23:21] ---
    See you!\n
[23:25] ---
    Renren here!\n
[23:27] ---
    Coming up on FIRST LOVE MONSTER...
[23:29] ---
    "Kaho's heart is still pounding\nafter her first kiss with Kanade."\n
[23:31] ---
    "But when Kanade's tutor arrives...\nAnother storm's a-brewing!"\n
[23:32] ---
    All on the next FIRST LOVE MONSTER:
[23:34] ---
    "Sought-After Undies"!\n
[23:36] ---
    And now for a match! Renren, chon!\n

4 - Sought-After Undies

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:05] ---
    I didn't end up getting much sleep.\n
[00:12] ---
    I went and had my... very first kiss.\n
[00:16] ---
    Well, good morning, Miss Nikaido!\n
[00:19] ---
    G-G-G-Good morning!\n
[00:21] ---
    You're up early for a day off!\n
[00:23] ---
    Everyone else is still sleeping,\nso go ahead and eat.\n
[00:27] ---
    Oh, okay...\n
[00:32] ---
    Wonder if Kanade's a sleepyhead, too?\n
[00:37] ---
    Kaho.\n
[00:38] ---
    K-K-Kanade?!\n
[00:40] ---
    I can't take it anymore.\n
[00:43] ---
    T-Take what?\n
[00:47] ---
    W-We can't!\n
[00:48] ---
    Not now--not here!\n
[00:52] ---
    If we don't say anything, he'll never know.\n
[00:54] ---
    Is he serious?!\n
[00:57] ---
    So... you don't mind, right?\n
[01:04] ---
    Gimme your seaweed.\n
[01:06] ---
    Go ahead.\n
[01:07] ---
    --Yay! Sea-weed! Sea-weed!\n--My boyfriend's a primary-schooler, all right.\n
[01:32] ---
    "FIRST LOVE MONSTER"\n
[02:45] ---
    It's so early, and I'm already tired out.\n
[02:48] ---
    Hello, Jll-o!\n
[02:54] ---
    I'm sorry to descend\non you in a group like this.\n
[02:56] ---
    I had intended to come alone, but...\n
[03:00] ---
    It sounded fun!\n
[03:02] ---
    Just don't butt in, all right?\n
[03:05] ---
    Huh? Did we have plans or something?\n
[03:08] ---
    I have business with Kaho today.\n
[03:10] ---
    Huh? Me?\n
[03:11] ---
    Rather than stand around and talk,\nlet's repair to Kanade's room.\n
[03:16] ---
    Why my room?
[03:19] ---
    It won't do for us men to intrude\non the room of an unmarried lady!\n
[03:24] ---
    What a gentleman!\n
[03:26] ---
    "Sought-After Undies"\n
[03:27] ---
    I-It's not much, but...\n
[03:34] ---
    What an intimidating mood--like\nI'm dealing with my mother-in-law.\n
[03:42] ---
    You've got a lot of nerve,\nserving tea you admit is "not much,"\n
[03:45] ---
    you demon-in-law!\n
[03:47] ---
    I hate you! I hate you!\n
[03:48] ---
    Oh, please forgive me, Mother!\n
[03:52] ---
    You're too modest.\n
[03:54] ---
    It's terribly delicious.\n
[03:56] ---
    What a sublime gentleman!\n
[03:59] ---
    Now, then... Let me say this again:\n
[04:02] ---
    I am against you and Kanade dating.\n
[04:06] ---
    I'll just cut to the chase.\n
[04:09] ---
    What is it you like about him?\n
[04:11] ---
    His face? His style? His pointless behavior?\n
[04:16] ---
    Well...\n
[04:17] ---
    Is it because he rescued you?\n
[04:21] ---
    Do you believe... it's fate?\n
[04:28] ---
    There is no deeper meaning\nto Kanade's words or actions.\n
[04:32] ---
    Come, enter into my embrace\nand drift back to sleep!\n
[04:35] ---
    Whoa! It's the Futonagon monster!\n
[04:37] ---
    If we fall back asleep, we'll be late!\n
[04:39] ---
    Think again!\n
[04:41] ---
    He's a bigger fool than you thought.\n
[04:44] ---
    He's really persuasive.
[04:47] ---
    In short, you don't know Kanade well enough.\n
[04:50] ---
    That's why I'm against you dating.\n
[04:55] ---
    Kanade lost his mother two years ago.\n
[04:59] ---
    The deep wounds from that\ntime now drive him to seek solace\n
[05:03] ---
    from an older woman like you.\n
[05:07] ---
    I... I have no comeback for that.\n
[05:10] ---
    From the sound of things,\n
[05:12] ---
    you're just spouting all kinds of nonsense.\n
[05:15] ---
    Kana--\n
[05:16] ---
    Kaho and my mom look nothing alike!\n
[05:18] ---
    That's what bugs you?!
[05:20] ---
    All right, so what do you like about Kaho?\n
[05:24] ---
    Dunno.\n
[05:25] ---
    Whaaat?!\n
[05:26] ---
    Exactly. You also know nothing about her. Therefore...
[05:31] ---
    Is that important?\n
[05:33] ---
    What do you mean?\n
[05:34] ---
    You don't fall in love with someone\n'cause you know them well.\n
[05:38] ---
    Love is that feeling of wanting\nto know more about someone.\n
[05:42] ---
    Kanade...\n
[05:48] ---
    Gin, Tom--let's go.\n
[05:50] ---
    Aw, already?\n
[05:52] ---
    I wanted to soak up the mysterious\nnaughtiness of being wrapped up\n
[05:55] ---
    in another family's futon for a little longer.\n
[06:00] ---
    Kaho, I'm still against this.\n
[06:08] ---
    Um... thanks, Kanade.\n
[06:11] ---
    It's nothing.\n
[06:12] ---
    But listen, Kaho...\n
[06:14] ---
    You want to know more, don't you? About me?\n
[06:17] ---
    Uh-huh...\n
[06:19] ---
    Then c'mere.\n
[06:21] ---
    I'll teach you about me.\n
[06:27] ---
    The me even my father doesn't know.\n
[06:30] ---
    Even your father... on your bed...\n
[06:34] ---
    N-No, we can't!\n
[06:35] ---
    Not that--not yet!\nI mean, you're in primary school, and--\n
[06:43] ---
    Secrets and risk go hand in hand.\n
[06:46] ---
    That's what growing up is all about.\n
[06:49] ---
    S-So close!\n
[06:51] ---
    K-K-Kanade!\n
[06:56] ---
    I hid 'em here.\n
[06:58] ---
    Hid?\n
[07:04] ---
    If I'm going to teach you about myself,\n
[07:06] ---
    I decided the best way would\nbe showing you what I can do.\n
[07:10] ---
    You sure are good in math, huh?\n
[07:12] ---
    Right?\n
[07:13] ---
    "Traditional Tsurukame Snack Mix"\nKanade! How about some snacks for your friends?\n
[07:19] ---
    What's all this?\n
[07:20] ---
    I-It's not what you think!\n
[07:28] ---
    What's this, Kanade?\nWere you hiding these from me?\n
[07:32] ---
    That's what bugs you?!
[07:36] ---
    I'm sorry.\n
[07:38] ---
    Why am I kneeling formally?
[07:41] ---
    Hiding tests with scores\nlike these is serious business.\n
[07:45] ---
    Please kill me.\n
[07:47] ---
    Huh?!\n
[07:47] ---
    I'm not going to kill you\nover something like this.\n
[07:50] ---
    But you have to take\nresponsibility for the things you do.\n
[07:57] ---
    That's what Mom always said, huh.\n
[08:03] ---
    Maybe I'll get you a tutor.\n
[08:05] ---
    --What?! No way! I don't wanna! --Huh? What did he just say?!
[08:10] ---
    How can you face your mom\nin heaven with grades like these?\n
[08:18] ---
    Crap! I can't get 'em out!\n
[08:21] ---
    I'm gonna have a peanut\ntree growing out of my nose!\n
[08:25] ---
    Got 'em! I was super panicked...\n
[08:28] ---
    Ka...\n
[08:29] ---
    Kanade, I don't think you're behaving right!\n
[08:37] ---
    I'm sorry.\n
[08:44] ---
    That was a fast apology.\nYou must really trust her.\n
[08:49] ---
    Trust her?\n
[08:50] ---
    She's my girlf--\n
[08:54] ---
    Hey, I know! Miss Nikaido,\nif it's all right with you...\n
[08:58] ---
    Huh?\n
[09:00] ---
    "Bamboo Primary School"\n
[09:03] ---
    Ro-sham-bo!\n
[09:06] ---
    Ryal crown!\n
[09:08] ---
    "This week's goal: No running in the hallways!"\n
[09:08] ---
    "This week's goal: No running in the hallways!"\nRo-sham-bo!\n
[09:10] ---
    Shampoo-conditioner!\n
[09:12] ---
    "No Horseplay on the Stairs"\n
[09:12] ---
    "No Horseplay on the Stairs"\nRo-sham-bo!\n
[09:14] ---
    Boysenberry bushes!\n
[09:18] ---
    -- Ro-sham-bo! Break the tie!\n--This game goes by "rock-paper-szzle"\n
[09:21] ---
    --Tie! Tie!\n--and "step roshambo."\n
[09:23] ---
    --Tie! Tie! Tie! Tie! Tie! Tie!\n--Despite regional variation,\n
[09:25] ---
    --Tie! Tie! Tie! Tie! Tie! Tie!\n--the basic phrases are "ryal crown,"\n
[09:26] ---
    --Tie! Tie! Tie! Tie! Tie! Tie!\n--"shampoo-conditioner,"\n
[09:28] ---
    --Ro-sham-bo!\n---and "boysenberry bushes." However...\n
[09:31] ---
    C'mon, not "ro" again!\nYou'll never catch up to us that way!\n
[09:37] ---
    You're going about this all wrong, Kanade.\n
[09:39] ---
    Finding a way to beat your opponent with "ro":\n
[09:41] ---
    That's the essence of the game.
[09:46] ---
    Ryal crown...\n
[09:49] ---
    ...and golden throne!\n
[09:52] ---
    Say... what?!\n
[09:54] ---
    Okay, guys--come and get me!\n
[09:58] ---
    Ha! You've dazzled us, Kanade!\n
[10:00] ---
    I see it's time for us to go with plan B!\n
[10:03] ---
    Ro-sham-bo!\n
[10:05] ---
    Boiling wner, hot hot hot!\n
[10:07] ---
    Shamrock underpants\ncovering my naughtiest places!\n
[10:09] ---
    Roly-poly poop, curled in a cone!\n
[10:10] ---
    ...changing these keywords at will during play\n
[10:13] ---
    often enhances one's\nrock-paper-scissors capability.\n
[10:19] ---
    Ro-sham-bo!\n
[10:20] ---
    Bodacious boiling wner!\n
[10:22] ---
    --Boys are so dumb. --Bubble bubble bubble!
[10:24] ---
    --Kaz could teach them a thing or two.\n--Ro-sham-bo! Break the tie!\n
[10:27] ---
    --Right, Yuki?\n--Ro-sham-bo! Break the tie!\n
[10:28] ---
    Tie!\n
[10:29] ---
    --Oh, uh, sure thing.\n--Ro-sham-bo!\n
[10:31] ---
    Roly-poly holy-moly pile of poop!\n
[10:34] ---
    Ro-sham-bo!\n
[10:41] ---
    Hmm. A draw.\n
[10:43] ---
    We'll settle this once\nafter-class homeroom is over!\n
[10:46] ---
    Can't. I've got a tutor as of today.\n
[10:49] ---
    If I don't get home pronto,\nDad'll dock my allowance.\n
[10:52] ---
    A tutor?!\n
[10:53] ---
    Dude, are you serious?\n
[10:55] ---
    Secret, thrilling, one-on-one lessons...\n
[10:58] ---
    What's this tutor like?!\n
[10:59] ---
    Hmm? Oh, right.\n
[11:01] ---
    They're...\n
[11:05] ---
    Would you be Kanade's tutor?
[11:09] ---
    Huh? I-I couldn't possibly! Me, teach?\n
[11:13] ---
    Oh, that's too bad. I'll have to look elsewhere.\n
[11:19] ---
    I wonder who'll wind up being Kanade's tutor?\n
[11:25] ---
    Tch. Where are you even looking?\n
[11:27] ---
    I-I'm sorr--\n
[11:29] ---
    You're like a pile of dogsht\non the road--but worse.\n
[11:33] ---
    Learn your place, Miss Less-Than-Dogsh*t.\n
[11:42] ---
    Why does Taga always have it in for me?\n
[11:48] ---
    If I'm interested in anyone, it's Kanade.\n
[11:50] ---
    What if Taga's the new tutor?\n
[11:54] ---
    Now, Kanade, pollination is when\npollen goes from the stamen to the pistil.\n
[12:00] ---
    Atsushi... words alone aren't\nenough for me to understand.\n
[12:07] ---
    You, a mere child, coming on to me? Then...
[12:11] ---
    I'll teach you so it's easier to understand.\n
[12:13] ---
    Oh...\n
[12:14] ---
    Just relax... see?\n
[12:17] ---
    I'll be the stamen and you be the pistil.\n
[12:20] ---
    I'm going to be pollinated!\n
[12:32] ---
    Wh-What am I thinking?!\n
[12:34] ---
    Ooh, stop it, Kanade!\n
[12:44] ---
    Cut it ouuut!\n
[12:46] ---
    Wait, Mafuyu.\n
[12:48] ---
    C'mon, enough studying--let's play sumo!\n
[12:52] ---
    Aw, why's it have to be sumo?\n
[12:54] ---
    Your boobs are kinda like\na top-ranked sumo wrestler...\n
[12:58] ---
    Huh? A wrestler? That's meeean!\n
[13:03] ---
    Guess she accepted the tutoring position.\n
[13:05] ---
    Huh?\n
[13:07] ---
    You must be Kaho!\n
[13:10] ---
    I don't want Kanade--in fact,\n
[13:10] ---
    "Mafuyu Hayashi - High School Sophomore"\nI don't want Kanade--in fact,\n
[13:13] ---
    "Mafuyu Hayashi - High School Sophomore"\nI'm after his family!\n
[13:15] ---
    Nice meeting you!\n
[13:27] ---
    I don't want Kanade--in fact,\nI'm after his family!\n
[13:33] ---
    Family? So... she means marriage, right?\n
[13:37] ---
    Now that was a big sigh.
[13:40] ---
    Arashi!\n
[13:42] ---
    Hey, Kaho. Heading home from school?\n
[13:45] ---
    I see how it is.\n
[13:47] ---
    So Mafuyu is going after Kanade after all...
[13:50] ---
    And then there's Taga...\n
[13:52] ---
    Don't worry. Mafuyu's\ntastes are a tad off-kilter.\n
[13:56] ---
    Her tastes?\n
[13:58] ---
    And Taga's personality and\ndisposition are skewed, that's all.\n
[14:02] ---
    O... kay...\n
[14:05] ---
    We're home!\n
[14:06] ---
    Hmm... not here, either...\n
[14:11] ---
    What's the matter?\n
[14:14] ---
    Hmm? Oh, hello, you two.\nSeems I'm a little short on dirty laundry.\n
[14:20] ---
    You don't mean Chiaki's, do you?\nDid some pervert steal them?!\n
[14:24] ---
    No, no!\n
[14:25] ---
    They're mine. And who'd\nsteal an old guy's undies?\n
[14:32] ---
    That's the phone.\n
[14:41] ---
    So this is Mafuyu's room.\n
[14:44] ---
    Is this really going to turn out okay?\n
[14:51] ---
    Huh? What's that?\n
[14:56] ---
    Is she... in pain?\n
[14:59] ---
    Um, are you... okay in there?\n
[15:06] ---
    She doesn't look okay!
[15:14] ---
    So fruity...\n
[15:19] ---
    Could those be the landlord's...\n
[15:25] ---
    You saw me!\n
[15:37] ---
    I-I didn't! I didn't see anything!\n
[15:43] ---
    Mafuyu?\n
[15:47] ---
    Why, hello there...\n
[15:50] ---
    Nooo!\n
[15:52] ---
    Someone, please!\n
[15:55] ---
    That voice--\n
[15:57] ---
    What's all the fuss--\n
[15:57] ---
    P-Please, help me!\n
[16:08] ---
    I'll protect he--
[16:11] ---
    She used Kota as a springboard?!\n
[16:14] ---
    Run... away...\n
[16:16] ---
    Sh-Shinohara?!\n
[16:20] ---
    Hey, why are you running awaaay?\n
[16:29] ---
    How did it come to this?\n
[16:39] ---
    Stay right there! I have\nso much to teach the new girl!\n
[16:43] ---
    D-Don't trouble yourself!\n
[16:46] ---
    Dear me, look at you quiver!\n
[16:50] ---
    It's all right. Nothing to be afraid--\n
[17:19] ---
    I should be safe here... right?\n
[17:49] ---
    Found you.\n
[17:56] ---
    Please, spare me!\n
[17:59] ---
    Wait!\n
[18:00] ---
    Kaho!\n
[18:01] ---
    Hi-yah!\n
[18:04] ---
    There it is!\n
[18:06] ---
    That was a close one, all right.\n
[18:08] ---
    Are you okay, Kaho?\n
[18:11] ---
    Yeah, more or less...\n
[18:16] ---
    She's...\n
[18:18] ---
    ...eating the undies?!
[18:24] ---
    Well, Mafuyu?\n
[18:26] ---
    Don't tell us you haven't had enough.\n
[18:29] ---
    I ate them all up.\n
[18:33] ---
    My tummy's full.\n
[18:38] ---
    Mafuyu...\n
[18:40] ---
    Okay, you're on your own now.\n
[18:42] ---
    See you, Mafuyu.\n
[18:45] ---
    Huh?\n
[18:51] ---
    What did you think when you saw me?\n
[18:54] ---
    I-I'm sorry...\n
[18:56] ---
    I'm not asking you to apologize.\n
[18:58] ---
    I'm asking what you thought.\n
[19:02] ---
    What's wrong with smelling\nthe scent of someone you like?\n
[19:06] ---
    Liking their scent is scientific\nproof that you're compatible.\n
[19:11] ---
    So it's only natural that\nShugo and I should be wed.\n
[19:15] ---
    Shugo?\n
[19:16] ---
    I told you: I'm after Kanade's family.\n
[19:21] ---
    Kanade's... father?\n
[19:24] ---
    Huh? But, he's, like...\nway older than you, right?\n
[19:28] ---
    Huh?\n
[19:29] ---
    What of it?\n
[19:30] ---
    Like you're in any position\nto find fault in someone else's man.\n
[19:34] ---
    You're the major perv datin' a kid in primary school.
[19:37] ---
    "Major Perv"\n
[19:38] ---
    Hey, perv: What is it about Kanade, anyway, huh?\n
[19:42] ---
    His face? His body? C'mon, out with it!\n
[19:44] ---
    I-It's not that!\n
[19:47] ---
    Kanade's the first person\nto really get mad at me.\n
[19:51] ---
    Who cares, nimwit?\n
[19:53] ---
    If that were true, you must be fallin' for me,\n
[19:56] ---
    since I'm super mad at you right now!\n
[19:59] ---
    I-I don't think it's that logical...\n
[20:01] ---
    Anyway, will you do\na favor for your dear pal Mafuyu?\n
[20:07] ---
    First, speak of this to no one! And...\n
[20:10] ---
    ...take these back.\n
[20:16] ---
    How did this happen?\n
[20:20] ---
    I'm glad Mafuyu's not my rival, though.\n
[20:24] ---
    Whatcha smiling about, Kaho?\n
[20:26] ---
    Huh? Aren't those...\n
[20:27] ---
    Kanade?!\n
[20:29] ---
    He's going to think I stole his dad's undies!
[20:32] ---
    N-No! I just--\n
[20:35] ---
    These are the undies I gave Mafuyu!\n
[20:37] ---
    Eh?\n
[20:38] ---
    She asked me for something\nwith the scent of the person she liked.\n
[20:41] ---
    But those are your father's.\n
[20:44] ---
    In her own way,\nMafuyu's giving a shape to her love.\n
[20:48] ---
    You gotta support one\nperson feeling love for another.\n
[20:52] ---
    So that's how Kanade sees it.\nHe's so innocent...\n
[20:58] ---
    Kaho, your face is all red.\n
[21:00] ---
    --Too close, Kanade!\n--Doesn't feel like a fever...\n
[21:03] ---
    I know!\n
[21:07] ---
    K-Kanade?!\n
[21:09] ---
    You're tired. I'll make you feel better.\n
[21:14] ---
    I-It's the thought that counts--really.\n
[21:17] ---
    Thoughts alone are no good.\nIt's the same as doing nothing at all.\n
[21:22] ---
    If you don't give shape\nto your feelings, what's the point?\n
[21:25] ---
    So he's giving shape to his feelings for me?\n
[21:36] ---
    Miss Nikaido?\n
[21:42] ---
    It's all right. Let me handle this.\n
[21:44] ---
    Mmm. That feels good.\n
[21:47] ---
    How about here? You like that, Kaho?\n
[23:25] ---
    Renren here!\n
[23:26] ---
    Coming up on FIRST LOVE MONSTER...
[23:28] ---
    Oh--no--not so tight, or I'll...!\n
[23:35] ---
    All on the next FIRST LOVE MONSTER:
[23:37] ---
    "I Know--To the Bath House!"\n

5 - I Know--To the Bath House!

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:26] ---
    N-Not there!\n
[00:27] ---
    Look, Kaho--look how hard this is here.\n
[00:36] ---
    Wh-What are they doing in there? I mean, what are they doing in there?
[00:41] ---
    And what are you doing, hmm?
[00:43] ---
    Yikes! Um, well, I...\n
[00:46] ---
    Feel good, Kaho?\n
[00:48] ---
    How about here? How's this feel?\n
[00:50] ---
    Hey, Chiaki--\n
[00:51] ---
    Coming in!\n
[00:53] ---
    What's going on?\n
[00:55] ---
    A massage!\n
[00:58] ---
    Huh?\n
[01:04] ---
    Kaho looked tired. Mom did this for me a lot.\n
[01:09] ---
    Too bad, Shinohara.\n
[01:11] ---
    It was much more wholesome than\nwhatever you were picturing outside.\n
[01:17] ---
    Thanks, Kanade.\n
[01:19] ---
    Kaho, you're still tired.\n
[01:20] ---
    Huh?\n
[01:22] ---
    That means...\n
[01:23] ---
    "Pair Ticket - The Relaxabath Kurhaus"\n...it's time for my ultimate weapon!\n
[01:27] ---
    "Super Bath House"\nTo the super bath house!\n
[01:50] ---
    "FIRST LOVE MONSTER"\n
[03:00] ---
    "The Relaxabath Kurhaus"\n
[03:02] ---
    "I Know--To the Bath House!"\n
[03:12] ---
    So this is a super bath house?\n
[03:17] ---
    I bet Kanade looks great in swim trunks, too.\n
[03:22] ---
    Oh, cut it out!\n
[03:23] ---
    Men and women bathe together?!\n
[03:26] ---
    First time, huh, Kaho?\n
[03:28] ---
    Oh--yeah!\n
[03:30] ---
    Kaho!\n
[03:39] ---
    Kanade's really going\nall-out--in more ways than one.\n
[03:43] ---
    Kaho, Kaho--what bath should we try first?\n
[03:45] ---
    Hold it!\n
[03:46] ---
    Kanade, take off the goggles.\nNo swimming here!\n
[03:49] ---
    Aw!\n
[03:50] ---
    And have you primary-school kids\ngone to the bathroom?\n
[03:54] ---
    If you haven't, go now!\nKids have to go before a bath!\n
[03:58] ---
    Hmm. Your telling us\nthat has made me need to go.\n
[04:02] ---
    Ha ha! Poop! Poop! Pooper-man!\n
[04:05] ---
    Primary-school boys sure do like poop, huh.\n
[04:09] ---
    Huh?!\n
[04:10] ---
    I'm not a little kid, so I don't like poop.\n
[04:13] ---
    And I would never mistake poop for chocolate!
[04:18] ---
    Kanade... no one would say\nthat unless it had happened.\n
[04:23] ---
    Kanade.\n
[04:26] ---
    Quit spouting nonsense,\nKanade. To the restroom.\n
[04:29] ---
    Aw!\n
[04:30] ---
    "No Running in the Hallway!"\n
[04:30] ---
    "No Running in the Hallway!"\nEnough! We're all going!\n
[04:32] ---
    'Kaaay.\n
[04:35] ---
    Uh, Miss Nikaido, sorry to tag along...\n
[04:41] ---
    Huh?\n
[04:41] ---
    I-I mean, barging in on your date and all...\n
[04:47] ---
    Oh, right... this is a date, isn't it?
[04:51] ---
    Huh?\n
[04:52] ---
    You are such a masochist.
[04:57] ---
    Kanade...\n
[05:00] ---
    This really holds the boys in place!\n
[05:01] ---
    Nice!\n
[05:03] ---
    I've been taking these huge steps,\nand my wner hasn't budged!\n
[05:06] ---
    Those're some powerful trunks!\n
[05:08] ---
    What if I did a cartwheel?\n
[05:10] ---
    Ah!\n
[05:14] ---
    Nothing.\n
[05:15] ---
    Whoa!\n
[05:17] ---
    A-hup!\n
[05:18] ---
    It's staying put!\n
[05:21] ---
    My wner's not moving!\n
[05:26] ---
    Wow! They have so many different baths!\n
[05:30] ---
    Indeed. You see why a\nprimary-schooler would like it.\n
[05:33] ---
    What's keeping Kanade and the others?\n
[05:36] ---
    They're probably playing some dumb game.\n
[05:38] ---
    I'll go check.\n
[05:42] ---
    Since we're here and all,\nI'd like to be with Kanade.\n
[05:47] ---
    Bare butt.\n
[05:48] ---
    Bare buttocks.\n
[05:49] ---
    Bare behind!\n
[05:51] ---
    Butt plus butt makes double-butt buds!\n
[05:54] ---
    Ow! Don't do it for real!\n
[06:01] ---
    Where could Kanade be?\n
[06:08] ---
    Huh? Kanade?\n
[06:15] ---
    Didn't yer folks tell ya it's\ndangerous to be runnin' like that?\n
[06:20] ---
    Oh, I'm sorry--thanks for helping me.\n
[06:25] ---
    What's yer name, miss?\n
[06:28] ---
    Huh? Oh, it's Kaho Nikaido--\n
[06:30] ---
    I'm in love!\n
[06:32] ---
    --Wh-What?! Wait wait wait!\n--'S like a jolt of electricity! This is fate!\n
[06:36] ---
    Hey! Who are you?\n
[06:38] ---
    Kanade!\n
[06:39] ---
    You got a lot of nerve\nmessing with my girlfriend!\n
[06:42] ---
    Kanade!\n
[06:44] ---
    You!\n
[06:46] ---
    So? You gonna bring it?\n
[06:47] ---
    I'm not!
[06:49] ---
    There comes a time when a man must fight.\n
[06:52] ---
    Hey, I thought I recognized\nthat voice. If it ain't Kanade!\n
[06:56] ---
    'S me! Me! Didja forget?\n
[07:00] ---
    It's the Naniwa Speed Coaster: Joji Takahashi!\n
[07:04] ---
    Bro!\n
[07:06] ---
    --What does he mean, "Bro"?!\n--Been a year, huh? What's goin' on?\n
[07:09] ---
    Ya got way too big there, kid!\n
[07:11] ---
    I'm having a growth spurt!\n
[07:14] ---
    Are ya, now!\n
[07:15] ---
    He's a tad bigger than any\ngrowth spurt could explain away...\n
[07:20] ---
    Karma. Reincarnation.\nLong-lost brothers, reunited at last!\n
[07:24] ---
    Guided by the cosmos!\n
[07:26] ---
    Hey, Kanade!\n
[07:27] ---
    I've known you since kindergarten,\n
[07:29] ---
    but this is the first I've heard of any brother.\n
[07:31] ---
    Just who is this "Bro" fellow?\n
[07:33] ---
    Who, me?\n
[07:34] ---
    What? So he isn't his big brother after all?\n
[07:36] ---
    So who is this guy, with his Osaka drawl?
[07:40] ---
    I'm his cousin--Kanade's cousin, Joji Takahashi.\n
[07:44] ---
    --Tada!\n--Just call me Joji, the Naniwa Speed Coaster!\n
[07:48] ---
    I'm Tom!\n
[07:49] ---
    Gin!\n
[07:50] ---
    --Kaho-yan! --Uh, yeah?
[07:52] ---
    Wh-What the--?! I've never been called that before!
[07:56] ---
    Kanade's a good guy,\nbut he's a kid! In fifth grade!\n
[07:59] ---
    Why're ya datin' him?
[08:00] ---
    Huh?!\n
[08:02] ---
    Huh?\n
[08:03] ---
    Date me instead.\n
[08:04] ---
    U-Um, but--\n
[08:07] ---
    I'm more grown-up!\n
[08:09] ---
    I-I love him is why. I love Kanade!\n
[08:13] ---
    Aw, who cares 'bout that?\n
[08:15] ---
    Er, how old are you, Joji?\n
[08:20] ---
    Eh?\n
[08:21] ---
    Sixth grade!\n
[08:23] ---
    I figured as much.\n
[08:25] ---
    And... it says so right there.\n
[08:26] ---
    "Joji Takahashi - 6th-Grader"\nAnd... it says so right there.\n
[08:28] ---
    Oh, there's Kanade!\n
[08:30] ---
    Are there more of them now?\n
[08:32] ---
    I told you, Bro--\n
[08:34] ---
    Kaho's my girlfriend!\n
[08:36] ---
    One woman, two men. Y'know what that means.
[08:40] ---
    What?\n
[08:41] ---
    Who?\n
[08:42] ---
    Where?\n
[08:43] ---
    Why me?\n
[08:44] ---
    We battle!\n
[08:45] ---
    "Battle"\nWe battle!\n
[08:46] ---
    "Battle"\nWhaaat?!\n
[08:51] ---
    You ready, Bro?\n
[08:53] ---
    Ready!\n
[08:54] ---
    Whoever gets the swimcap wins!\n
[08:57] ---
    Arashi, this has nothing to do with us!\n
[09:00] ---
    Why are we the horses?\n
[09:02] ---
    I didn't think we'd have any say in the matter.\n
[09:05] ---
    Okay, here goes!\n
[09:09] ---
    What'll I do?\n
[09:10] ---
    Leave them alone.\n
[09:16] ---
    --Where'd Kaz get that elegant setup?\n--Makurazaki, offer the ladies tea, too.\n
[09:20] ---
    Yes, sir.\n
[09:22] ---
    So he has a butler.\n
[09:24] ---
    "Munemitsu Makurazaki - Butler"\n
[09:26] ---
    In my experience, when you hang out with fools,\n
[09:30] ---
    you get caught in the crossfire.\n
[09:32] ---
    In my experience,\njust pretend you don't know them.\n
[09:38] ---
    Tom, Gin, turn right!\n
[09:41] ---
    Roger!\n
[09:42] ---
    Things are really amped up\nnow that Kanade's seen Joji\n
[09:45] ---
    for the first time in a while.\n
[09:48] ---
    This should be fun!\n
[09:49] ---
    Here we go! My killer move: the head-grab!\n
[09:56] ---
    Got it! We won!\n
[09:59] ---
    Say what?!\n
[10:05] ---
    Those're swim trunks! But whose?\n
[10:09] ---
    I saw that! They're Kota Shinohara's!\n
[10:12] ---
    --No pants, no pants, no-pants Kota!\n
[10:14] ---
    --Stop that! You guys!\n--No pants, no pants, no-pants Kota!\n
[10:15] ---
    --Stop that! You guys!\n--Butt! Butt! Kota's b--\n
[10:19] ---
    Hey, are you in high school?\n
[10:21] ---
    Nope!\n
[10:22] ---
    College, then? Either way,\ncould you quit fooling around?\n
[10:27] ---
    You're too grown-up for that.\n
[10:29] ---
    We're not grown-up yet!\n
[10:31] ---
    Huh?\n
[10:33] ---
    --Sorry! We're sorry! We're sorry!\n--We're really sorry!\n
[10:36] ---
    So hey, Bro, what are you doing in Tokyo?\n
[10:40] ---
    I'm a traveler. I've forsaken my home.\n
[10:46] ---
    Truth is, Moms tossed out\nall o' my Pachimon cards.\n
[10:52] ---
    She what?!
[10:55] ---
    Y-You mean, that happens?!\n
[10:57] ---
    Mothers are fearsome creatures\nwho can, from time to time,\n
[11:01] ---
    perform such atrocities without batting an eye.\n
[11:05] ---
    My brothers!\n
[11:08] ---
    That's Kanade's cousin for you:\na man of discriminating tastes!\n
[11:11] ---
    That's Kanade's friends for ya!
[11:14] ---
    Let's take a bath together\nas a sign of our reconciliation!\n
[11:17] ---
    Yeah!\n
[11:18] ---
    Have they made up?\n
[11:20] ---
    Kaho!\n
[11:23] ---
    Kaho, come here!\n
[11:26] ---
    O-Okay!\n
[11:30] ---
    "Coffee Bath"\n
[11:44] ---
    Kanade...\n
[11:45] ---
    Barista--the usual.\n
[11:47] ---
    Chomolungma, sir?\n
[11:49] ---
    Everest, duh!\n
[11:50] ---
    Kilimanjaro!\n
[11:52] ---
    The Kilimanjaro jar, yo!\n
[11:56] ---
    The Kilimanjaro jar, yo!\n
[11:59] ---
    Jar, yo! Jar, yo!\n
[12:03] ---
    "The Relaxabath Kurhaus"\n
[12:04] ---
    It's gotten darker, so you kids be careful.\n
[12:08] ---
    We'll be fine.\n
[12:09] ---
    Makurazaki will take us home.\n
[12:11] ---
    Kanade! Bye-bye-banana!\n
[12:13] ---
    Banana-nana buttface!\n
[12:14] ---
    Whoa!\n
[12:15] ---
    Huh?\n
[12:16] ---
    --Made you look!\n--Wha--?!\n
[12:18] ---
    Dang it!\n
[12:23] ---
    The dinosaur bath really did\nit for me. What about you, Kaho?\n
[12:27] ---
    Let's see...\n
[12:28] ---
    Maybe the diet cola bath?\n
[12:30] ---
    You feel a little better now?\n
[12:32] ---
    Yeah!\n
[12:34] ---
    Kanade.\n
[12:36] ---
    And Kaho-yan. Can I have a word with ya?
[12:51] ---
    A-Are you sure it's okay\nfor us to be following them?\n
[12:54] ---
    I mean, it's way too amusing to ignore.\n
[12:57] ---
    Besides, that's rich coming\nfrom an inveterate eavesdropper.\n
[13:07] ---
    So what's this about?\n
[13:09] ---
    I said I came to Tokyo 'cause\nMoms threw out all my cards, right?\n
[13:14] ---
    Yeah?\n
[13:15] ---
    But...\n
[13:18] ---
    I been keepin' this ultra-rare 3S\ncard on me the whole time!\n
[13:23] ---
    Th-That's the "Gaia Whispers 'Shine'" card!\n
[13:28] ---
    Ack! Did he just pull that out of his undies?!\n
[13:31] ---
    ...the whole time!\n
[13:32] ---
    Th-That's...\n
[13:34] ---
    --Ack! Did he just pull that out of his undies?! --What are you doing?
[13:36] ---
    Oh! Taga! Shh!\n
[13:40] ---
    And I'm givin' it to you.\n
[13:42] ---
    Seriously? Yesss!\n
[13:43] ---
    Wait--I ain't givin' it away for free.\n
[13:46] ---
    What, you want money? I only have 814 yen.\n
[13:51] ---
    It's a tradin' card, remember.
[13:53] ---
    So the card for...\n
[13:55] ---
    The card for Kaho-yan!
[13:57] ---
    What?!\n
[13:59] ---
    Well? Pretty sweet, right?\n
[14:03] ---
    D-Don't tell me Kanade would--\n
[14:06] ---
    No deal.\n
[14:08] ---
    Kaho isn't a thing. You can't treat girls like things.
[14:17] ---
    I actually thought Kanade might go for it.\n
[14:21] ---
    I'm sorry. And thank you.\n
[14:24] ---
    Omigosh, I'm so happy!\n
[14:28] ---
    Yeah, you're right, Kanade. My bad.\n
[14:33] ---
    At least ya see where I'm comin' from.\n
[14:35] ---
    What's with the drawl, huh?\n
[14:37] ---
    Yers must be catchin'!\n
[14:38] ---
    It ain't catchin', ya dumbo!\n
[14:42] ---
    It's like they're even closer now.\nGosh, what good friends!\n
[14:48] ---
    Hey, Bro...\n
[14:49] ---
    'Sup, Kanade?\n
[14:50] ---
    With the card trade off the table,\nI've been thinking...\n
[14:54] ---
    Let's all date together!\n
[14:58] ---
    The three of us?\n
[15:00] ---
    Yeah. You, me, and Kaho-chin.
[15:03] ---
    Wait just a second here. What?
[15:05] ---
    "You, me, and Kaho-chin" sounds like some romance novel--
[15:09] ---
    this is crazy, right?\n
[15:10] ---
    Just because they're\ngetting along doesn't mean--\n
[15:13] ---
    You and Kaho are both important to me,\n
[15:17] ---
    so it'd be great if all three\nof us could pal around together.\n
[15:22] ---
    Huh? What's this?\nEven though it happens all the time...\n
[15:27] ---
    ...and it's not the first time\nKanade's been all mixed up...\n
[15:32] ---
    Ouch...\n
[15:36] ---
    Let's be a great trio from here on out.\n
[15:39] ---
    Yup!\n
[15:39] ---
    No...\n
[15:42] ---
    My heart... it hurts.\n
[15:46] ---
    That's not right.\n
[15:50] ---
    Couples are couples. They don't date in threes.\n
[15:54] ---
    I'm thinking about Bro's feelings, too.\n
[15:57] ---
    What about my feelings?
[16:00] ---
    Huh?\n
[16:01] ---
    And what about yours, Kanade?\n
[16:05] ---
    Your feelings? You love me, right?\n
[16:08] ---
    I do--I love you, Kanade. I love only you.
[16:14] ---
    I'm not looking to play all\nfriendly with you and Joji.\n
[16:19] ---
    Huh? No playing? Then what do you want to do?\n
[16:23] ---
    It's not about me wanting to do this or that.\n
[16:27] ---
    I want to be special for you alone,\nand I want you to be special for me.\n
[16:35] ---
    You can do whatever weird things\nand say whatever kiddy stuff you want,\n
[16:39] ---
    as long as I'm special to you.\n
[16:43] ---
    But sometimes I get the feeling that you...\n
[16:50] ---
    ...you don't love me after all.\n
[16:59] ---
    Kaho, you're crying? Where does it hurt?!\n
[17:03] ---
    Her heart.\n
[17:06] ---
    Atsushi!\n
[17:08] ---
    The last time you said I made\nher cry, you hit me, Kanade.\n
[17:14] ---
    This time, you made her cry, didn't you?
[17:17] ---
    And in a much crueler way than I did.\n
[17:22] ---
    I'm not bullying her!\n
[17:25] ---
    You don't love her one bit. That's why she's crying.
[17:29] ---
    What?!\n
[17:30] ---
    In which case, I, the actual grown-up,\n
[17:34] ---
    will take her.\n
[17:40] ---
    What's Taga doing?\n
[17:44] ---
    Hey!\n
[17:45] ---
    What's the big idea, cuttin' in on us? Who the heck are you?
[17:48] ---
    I could ask you the same thing.\n
[17:50] ---
    Bro here is my cousin!\n
[17:52] ---
    Huh. How old?\n
[17:54] ---
    Sixth grade!\n
[17:55] ---
    I see.\n
[17:56] ---
    Huh?!\n
[17:57] ---
    Why're ya laughin'?\nAge ain't got nothin' to do with it!\n
[18:00] ---
    And ya can't just... take her!
[18:02] ---
    'S like Kanade said: Kaho ain't\na thing you can just give and take!\n
[18:08] ---
    Oh, I'm not taking her as a thing.\n
[18:12] ---
    I'm taking her heart, too.\n
[18:14] ---
    In a way a little kid never could.\n
[18:17] ---
    Um...\n
[18:18] ---
    --In a way we can't?!\n--U-Um...\n
[18:21] ---
    --I'm a you-can-do-it-if-you-try kid!\n--U-Um...\n
[18:23] ---
    --And I'm a push-comes-to-shove man!\n--Um...\n
[18:25] ---
    Ummm...\n
[18:26] ---
    --Big talk. You don't know a thing about women.\n--Um... ummm...\n
[18:29] ---
    Will you stop with all the "umm"ing already?\n
[18:31] ---
    If you've got something to say, say it!\nGod, you imbecile.\n
[18:37] ---
    I-If I'm so annoying, why not just write me off?\n
[18:40] ---
    You're the one who stepped\ninto this with plenty to say!\n
[18:43] ---
    It's still just harassment, anyway!\n
[18:45] ---
    Hmm...\n
[18:46] ---
    Guess you're not taking the bait this time, eh?\n
[18:49] ---
    Maybe you've learned something, you silly girl.\n
[18:51] ---
    Wha--\n
[18:52] ---
    I-I'm having an important\ndiscussion with Kanade right now!\n
[18:57] ---
    Oh, an important discussion?\n
[19:00] ---
    Eh?\n
[19:02] ---
    Kanade?\n
[19:03] ---
    You're too much.\nPrimary-schoolers fighting over you--really?\n
[19:09] ---
    Now that's worth spying on. Right?
[19:12] ---
    They can't tear themselves away.\n
[19:14] ---
    Y-You're wrong!\n
[19:16] ---
    --About what, Kota? --No way... What is all this?
[19:18] ---
    --I-I was just--just innocently-- --No way... What is all this?
[19:21] ---
    --I-I was just--just innocently-- --These people are always, always--
[19:26] ---
    I do too know about women!\n
[19:27] ---
    Yeah! It's spelled W-O-M-E-N!\n
[19:29] ---
    I can't!\n
[19:32] ---
    I just can't!\n
[19:33] ---
    Huh?\n
[19:35] ---
    I'm not getting through to him at all!\n
[19:38] ---
    Taga's mean, everyone's enjoying this...\n
[19:42] ---
    ...and I really don't know\nwhat Kanade's thinking.\n
[19:46] ---
    I did my best to put my feelings\ninto words, but he's just not getting it!\n
[19:53] ---
    What do I do now?\n
[21:34] ---
    "FIRST LOVE MONSTER\nAfter-Class Homeroom"\n
[21:37] ---
    --Our topic today--\n--Give my trunks back first!\n
[21:42] ---
    Who has them?!\n
[21:43] ---
    Ooh! Ooh!\n
[21:44] ---
    What's the difference\nbetween "p**-p**" and "wner"?\n
[21:46] ---
    Where'd that come from?
[21:48] ---
    I mean, there's lots of words for it, right?\n
[21:50] ---
    Right. Old guys say "d*ck."\n
[21:53] ---
    My sister? When she\nchanges her baby's diaper?\n
[21:55] ---
    She says "p-p**."\n
[21:57] ---
    --Hey, but can I get my trunks--ah!\n--By that theory, newborns have p**-ps...\n
[22:02] ---
    ...we have wners...\n
[22:04] ---
    --...and old guys have d°cks! --My trunks!
[22:06] ---
    What a scoop! So wners\nchange names as we grow, huh?\n
[22:10] ---
    Like those "promotion fish"?\n
[22:12] ---
    What are those?\n
[22:14] ---
    Fish whose names change as they mature.\n
[22:17] ---
    Take the buri yellowtail. First it's called wakashi;
[22:21] ---
    then, as it gets bigger, inada, warasa, and finally buri.
[22:26] ---
    Huh!\n
[22:27] ---
    So we should really\ncall 'em "promotion wners"!\n
[22:30] ---
    "P**-p** > Wner > D*ck"\n
[22:30] ---
    "P-p** > Wner > D*ck"\nLike this?\n
[22:31] ---
    "P-p** > Wner > D*ck"\nOh!\n
[22:31] ---
    "P-p** > Wner > D*ck"\nAh!\n
[22:33] ---
    I've seen people calling wners\n"rods" and "poles" and "bats"!\n
[22:38] ---
    Say what?!\n
[22:39] ---
    What's up with that? Huh, Kaz?\n
[22:44] ---
    They must have evolved independently.\n
[22:48] ---
    Evolved independently?!\n
[22:49] ---
    How cool is that?
[22:50] ---
    "P**-p** > Wner > D*ck > Rod, Pole, Bat"\n
[22:52] ---
    You know, I've heard something, too.\n
[22:54] ---
    A word having to do with wners...\n
[22:59] ---
    ...something like... "erection"?\n
[23:02] ---
    "Erection"?\n
[23:03] ---
    We got us a whole new one!\n
[23:06] ---
    I think I once heard Mom say her favorite clam dish was... erectable?
[23:09] ---
    --Oh, so it's a kind of shellfish!\n--Wrong!\n
[23:11] ---
    --Another independent evolution!\n--Wrong!\n
[23:13] ---
    Which means...\n
[23:14] ---
    ...the final evolution of a wner is...\n
[23:16] ---
    ...an erection!\n
[23:19] ---
    I'm telling you, you're wrong!\nAnd where are my trunks?!\n
[23:25] ---
    Renren here!\n
[23:26] ---
    Coming up on FIRST LOVE MONSTER...
[23:29] ---
    "Learn to hula-hoop like a champ! Don't circle\nyour hips--move them forward and back."\n
[23:31] ---
    "Thrust forward, thrust back. Once you can\nrepeat this without thinking, you can go forever!"\n
[23:32] ---
    All on the next FIRST LOVE MONSTER:
[23:34] ---
    "Hula-Hoop Hullabaloo"!\n
[23:37] ---**
    And now for a match! Renren, chon!\n

6 - Hula-Hoop Hullabaloo

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] ---
    The card for Kaho-yan!
[00:03] ---
    Let's all date together!\n
[00:05] ---
    You, me, and Kaho-chin.
[00:07] ---
    I'll take her.\n
[00:11] ---
    I just can't!\n
[00:34] ---
    "FIRST LOVE MONSTER"\n
[01:47] ---
    Kota! Gimme your seaweed.\n
[01:49] ---
    Stare.\n
[01:51] ---
    Again? I already opened the packet.\n
[01:54] ---
    "Hula-Hoop Hullabaloo"\nThat's all right. Gimme your seaweed!\n
[01:57] ---
    Okay, you can have it.\n
[01:58] ---
    Yay!\n
[02:00] ---
    Kaho, gimme yours, too.\n
[02:02] ---
    Er... huh?\n
[02:05] ---
    Uh-oh--I bet Kaho's mad.\n
[02:08] ---
    Mad?\n
[02:09] ---
    I mean, that whole thing yesterday just happened.
[02:12] ---
    But why? Don't you wake up\nfriends again the day after a fight?\n
[02:16] ---
    That's just for kids.\n
[02:18] ---
    I suppose it's too much to expect\nyou to understand a woman's heart.\n
[02:24] ---
    A woman's... heart?\n
[02:27] ---
    "Bamboo Primary School"\n
[02:29] ---
    You delivered your letter, right, Yuki?\n
[02:31] ---
    What?! You really did? That love letter?\n
[02:33] ---
    Who'd you give it to?\n
[02:35] ---
    Um...\n
[02:38] ---
    Yuki's got some high ideals.\n
[02:40] ---
    With an emphasis on the visual!\n
[02:42] ---
    A boy in this class, eh?\n
[02:46] ---
    Kaneko?\n
[02:49] ---
    He stands out too much.\n
[02:51] ---
    Just yesterday, there was another\nTV special on his huge family.\n
[02:55] ---
    I bet even dates with\nhim would be broadcast live.\n
[02:57] ---
    No way, José.\n
[02:59] ---
    Okay, then Sannomiya?\n
[03:03] ---
    I was busy with transmissions\nfrom the SM78 nebula last night.\n
[03:08] ---
    --Were you summoning UFOs again?\n
[03:09] ---
    --Sannomiya's gross. It's not him.\n--Were you summoning UFOs again?\n
[03:10] ---
    --Sannomiya's gross. It's not him. --No--the UFOs were summoning me!
[03:12] ---
    Nope nope!\n
[03:13] ---
    What about Takahashi?\n
[03:14] ---
    Oh, rats! I lost my backpack somewhere!\n
[03:19] ---
    Oh, well.\n
[03:20] ---
    Right?\n
[03:21] ---
    You bet.\n
[03:22] ---
    Yeaaah... I don't think so.\n
[03:25] ---
    I heard Takahashi is dating a high-schooler.\n
[03:29] ---
    I know! And they're\nliving together under one roof!\n
[03:32] ---
    Whaaat?!\n
[03:34] ---
    Therefore, the best guy in our class is...\n
[03:40] ---
    Master Kaz!\n
[03:42] ---
    Take your seats, class.\n
[03:44] ---
    Since the teacher's out,\nwe'll use this time to discuss our event\n
[03:48] ---
    in the school sports festival.\n
[03:50] ---
    --Tetherball!\n--Dodgeball!\n
[03:53] ---
    Quiet! Raise your hand if you want to speak.\n
[03:55] ---
    Me!\n
[03:58] ---
    Kanade Takahashi. Go ahead.\n
[04:02] ---
    Someone forgot something in my desk.\n
[04:05] ---
    Eep!\n
[04:07] ---
    Geez, such tiny writing.\n
[04:10] ---
    "I'll be waiting at the equipment shed after class."\n
[04:12] ---
    "Public Execution"\n"I'll be waiting at the equipment shed after class."\n
[04:15] ---
    That wasn't left behind--that's a challenge!\n
[04:18] ---
    Well, challenge accepted! I'll help you out!\n
[04:21] ---
    So who's the wise guy?\n
[04:22] ---
    Eeeep!\n
[04:24] ---
    Some Jane Doe. Looks like a girl's handwriting.\n
[04:26] ---
    Hey, isn't that...\n
[04:28] ---
    That's a love letter!\n
[04:29] ---
    --I'm sure it is! --Totally a love letter.
[04:32] ---
    Kanade!\n
[04:32] ---
    You are gravely lacking in delicacy!\n
[04:35] ---
    Deli-cassie? Is that a lunchmeat?\n
[04:37] ---
    It's not food!\n
[04:38] ---
    I mean, you're cruel to be reading\na love letter in front of all these people!\n
[04:42] ---
    This is a love letter?
[04:44] ---
    Aw, it's not a challenge?\n
[04:47] ---
    If it's a love letter, then never mind.\nI'm dating someone.\n
[04:53] ---
    But hey, Kanade, didn't you\ntwo have a fight yesterday?\n
[04:57] ---
    Did you make up?\n
[04:59] ---
    No... and she ate my breakfast seaweed, too.\n
[05:02] ---
    They're fighting?\n
[05:04] ---
    What if they break up?\n
[05:05] ---
    Quiet! Takahashi Time is over.\n
[05:09] ---
    We'll move on to our main topic:\nthe sports festival.\n
[05:12] ---
    By majority rule,\n
[05:15] ---
    we've elected to play dodgeball\nin this year's sports festival.\n
[05:20] ---
    Frankly, I'm sick of dodgeball.\n
[05:22] ---
    What did you expect?\n
[05:24] ---
    Some students have matured so suddenly
[05:27] ---
    that their physical prowess clearly\ndiffers from that of the rest of the class!\n
[05:30] ---
    Ah! I guess you are at a disadvantage, Kaz. Height-wise, I mean.
[05:34] ---
    How dare you?! I'm well on my way\ninto my second growth period!\n
[05:40] ---
    You apologize to Noguchi!\n
[05:42] ---
    --Apologize! Apologize! --I can't hear you! La la la!
[05:46] ---
    Takahashi, you're the worst!\n
[05:49] ---
    Now, now--everyone calm down.\n
[05:51] ---
    Pardon me for losing my composure\nin such a juvenile fashion.\n
[05:57] ---
    Looks like I need to grow\nmore both in height and as a person.\n
[06:01] ---
    So cool!\n
[06:03] ---
    Oh, Master Kaz, you're so grown-up!\n
[06:06] ---
    That's a five-year class president\n
[06:09] ---
    and future student council president for you.\n
[06:12] ---
    Whereas I am destined to take over my family's OB/GYN practice,
[06:16] ---
    provide exams to all the girls in this class,\n
[06:18] ---
    and guide them through easy childbirth!\n
[06:20] ---
    Gross!\n
[06:23] ---
    Kanade, don't forget your backpack again!\n
[06:26] ---
    Yup!\n
[06:27] ---
    Those girls really did a number\non you in today's class meeting, huh?\n
[06:31] ---
    I don't care how likeable I am to girls.\n
[06:35] ---
    "Wamuu Monthly"\nAnd lately I've gotten so used to being called gross\n
[06:37] ---
    that it's actually starting to feel good.\n
[06:39] ---
    Seriously? I want them to like me! I wanna be popular!
[06:44] ---
    That's an unreasonable\ndemand as long as Kaz is around.\n
[06:47] ---
    Kanade!\n
[06:48] ---
    Bro?!\n
[06:49] ---
    Yo!\n
[06:50] ---
    What, that cousin of yours is still around?\n
[06:54] ---
    He's staying at our place as of yesterday.\n
[06:56] ---
    Huh?\n
[06:57] ---
    I been waitin' for ya, Kanade!\n
[07:00] ---
    Thought I'd beat some\nmanly spirit into ya, y'know?\n
[07:04] ---
    Manly spirit?\n
[07:05] ---
    Yeah! If you're a man, ya can't be makin' Kaho-yan cry like that!
[07:10] ---
    I'll teach ya a lesson...\n
[07:13] ---
    Play a tennis match against me!\n
[07:19] ---
    You wanna start a fight, I'll finish it!\n
[07:21] ---
    Bring it on!\n
[07:23] ---
    I'm tough!\n
[07:26] ---
    Here goes!\n
[07:31] ---
    I have no idea how to keep score.\n
[07:34] ---
    Fear not. Their battle has gone\nfar beyond the concept of points.\n
[07:41] ---
    Take this! My killer move...
[07:47] ---
    The Tornado Serve of Destiny!\n
[07:54] ---
    Drop my guard with the sound of yer recorder,\n
[07:56] ---
    then hit me with an ultra-high-speed serve!\nThat's my Kanade!\n
[08:00] ---
    Which means I...\n
[08:02] ---
    ...will speed up this ball as I sack it on back!
[08:05] ---
    Here's a ballsack serve, comin' atcha!\n
[08:06] ---
    "Ball | Sack"\nHere's a ballsack serve, comin' atcha!\n
[08:16] ---
    Well? Didja learn yer lesson? Ya can't beat me!\n
[08:21] ---
    I got too good a handle on your weaknesses!\n
[08:24] ---
    Weaknesses?\n
[08:26] ---
    I don't have any weaknesses!\n
[08:29] ---
    Ya once promised a girl\nyou'd marry her, didn't ya?\n
[08:33] ---
    Huh? News to me.\n
[08:34] ---
    In fact, ya said, "Marry me!"\n
[08:37] ---
    I totally did not!\n
[08:39] ---
    Oh, I heard it, all right.\n
[08:41] ---
    When?!\n
[08:42] ---
    What hour? What minute? What second?\n
[08:44] ---
    How many times had the earth turned?!\n
[08:46] ---
    20 thousand times!\n
[08:48] ---
    So, what hour?\n
[08:49] ---
    --Happy hour!\n--That's one heck of a battle.\n
[08:50] ---
    --What minute?\n--That's one heck of a battle.\n
[08:51] ---
    --The last minute!\n--That's one heck of a battle.\n
[08:52] ---
    --What second?\n--Does it even have an end?\n
[08:53] ---
    --Seconds for dinner!\n--Does it even have an end?\n
[08:59] ---
    Ya give pretty good, y'know?\n
[09:03] ---
    You, too, Bro.\n
[09:10] ---
    Yeah, but Kanade, 's pretty low\nto be forgettin' ya proposed an' all.\n
[09:15] ---
    I did not either! You're mixed up somehow.\n
[09:17] ---
    Dude, it was Yukie! My moms!\n
[09:21] ---
    Oh, I did! When I was a kid!\n
[09:28] ---
    Well, Kanade, I got to know yer\nmanly spirit with that tennis match!\n
[09:32] ---
    But ya know, ya totally fail as a boyfriend.\n
[09:36] ---
    I fail?\n
[09:37] ---
    'S like ya don't understand a woman's heart.\n
[09:40] ---
    The girls in my class said the same thing.\n
[09:44] ---
    Namiko has a short fuse, too.\n
[09:46] ---
    She's all "Clear your dishes\nwhen you're done eating"\n
[09:48] ---
    and "Don't use so much shampoo."\n
[09:51] ---
    I don't really get women.\n
[09:53] ---
    Well, women can't be understood in a day.\n
[09:57] ---
    You gotta work on it day after day.\n
[09:59] ---
    Speaking of a woman's heart...\n
[10:02] ---
    If I could be of assistance?\n
[10:10] ---
    And with that...\n
[10:12] ---
    Our top-secret mission!\n
[10:14] ---
    This meeting of the Women's\nHeart Research Team is now in session!\n
[10:18] ---
    Whoa, my butt is so breezy!\n
[10:20] ---
    Can we really understand\na woman's heart like this?\n
[10:23] ---
    I reckon it's the only way,\ndressin' up like this\n
[10:27] ---
    to be a woman, body an' soul!\n
[10:30] ---
    Okay, time for yer shot! Tee-hee!\n
[10:33] ---
    Now that you mention it...\n
[10:35] ---
    I feel like I'm starting\nto understand women, too!\n
[10:39] ---
    Fair Gin's doing full-throttle channeling!\n
[10:41] ---
    The surging cosmic radio waves\nare tingling all through my body!\n
[10:47] ---
    Looking good, everyone! Oh, wonderful!\n
[10:53] ---
    To think I'd have the chance\nto see my secret stash of costumes\n
[10:55] ---
    come to life before my very eyes!\n
[10:57] ---
    Hey... hang on a second...\n
[10:59] ---
    This also has nothing to do with me, right?
[11:03] ---
    So why... why am I...\n
[11:05] ---
    Adorable! Those teary\neyes--I'll just take a shot!\n
[11:09] ---
    --Clothes make the man, right?\n--This is better than I'd ever dreamed!\n
[11:11] ---
    --Clothes make the idiot?\n--This is better than I'd ever dreamed!\n
[11:12] ---
    --If only you could wear that every day!\n
[11:13] ---
    --We've broken new ground.\n--If only you could wear that every day!\n
[11:15] ---
    --Look at Kota, getting all that praise!\n--If only you could wear that every day!\n
[11:16] ---
    --Look at Kota, getting all that praise!\n--Ooh, li'l Renren!\n
[11:17] ---
    --It's not praise if you're not happy about it!\n--Ooh, li'l Renren!\n
[11:20] ---
    That's just fine. Kota's absolutely\ncharming when he's embarrassed!\n
[11:26] ---
    See? Most guys put on a skirt\n
[11:29] ---
    and get over their nervousness right away.\n
[11:32] ---
    Oho! Kanade has grabbed\nJoji's back in a cobra twist!\n
[11:38] ---
    Joji is staying close to the ground...\n
[11:43] ---
    ...and he's flipped him in a figure-four hold!\n
[11:45] ---
    But he moves out of the figure-four hold...\n
[11:48] ---
    ...into a tickler grip!\n
[11:51] ---
    That's gotta tickle Kanade till it hurts!\n
[11:57] ---
    Tag me in!\n
[12:00] ---
    "Live"\n
[12:00] ---
    "Live"\nOkay, we've swapped out both wrestlers!\n
[12:04] ---
    Ooh, Tom catches Gin in a\nscissor sweep right off the bat!\n
[12:08] ---
    What's this? He's movin'\nright into an electric massage!\n
[12:13] ---
    "Electric Massage"\n
[12:14] ---
    The electric massage is\na secret, forbidden technique\n
[12:18] ---
    in primary-school kung-fu.\n
[12:21] ---
    Its history dates to before the common era,\n
[12:23] ---
    when, while wrestling in an ancient Ol*mpics,\n
[12:25] ---
    a certain Elektros Masáz\n
[12:27] ---
    began persistently massaging\nhis opponent's crotch with his foot.\n
[12:33] ---
    Even now, its mix of pleasure\nand danger give the move\n
[12:36] ---
    a strong following as the\nultimate "skinship" between boys.\n
[12:42] ---
    C'mon, your clothes are\ngoing to get all wrinkled.\n
[12:45] ---
    That's enough wrestling!\n
[12:47] ---
    Um... I'm going back to my room.\n
[12:51] ---
    Huh? Already?\n
[12:52] ---
    Aw, not yet!\n
[12:53] ---
    C'mon, Kota, have some fun!\n
[12:55] ---
    Look, just because it's fun for you\ndoesn't mean it's fun for everyone.\n
[13:01] ---
    You can hurt a person by forcing your ideas on them!
[13:06] ---
    I'm not looking to play\nall friendly with you and Joji.\n
[13:12] ---
    This isn't fun for me at all!\n
[13:16] ---
    Just be honest.\n
[13:18] ---
    But in a sense, I feel he's got more\nof a woman's heart than any of us.\n
[13:23] ---
    I... remember...\n
[13:26] ---
    What Mom said...\nDon't do what someone dislikes.\n
[13:31] ---
    So if Kota isn't having fun,\n
[13:34] ---
    we shouldn't force him to\ndo something he doesn't like.\n
[13:37] ---
    I get it. Real grown-up, Kanade!\n
[13:40] ---
    But it looked so good on him!\n
[13:47] ---
    That committee meeting went\non longer than I'd expected.\n
[13:50] ---
    Quit wafflin'! If you hate that outfit so much,\n
[13:53] ---
    take it off already!\n
[14:00] ---
    I see London, I see France!\n
[14:04] ---
    I-I'll... I'll never get married now!\n
[14:08] ---
    They're not down here, so Kanade\nand the gang must be upstairs?\n
[14:29] ---
    Tears?\n
[14:31] ---
    Oh! My apologies!\n
[14:38] ---
    Did she drop this?\n
[14:44] ---
    "You are three kinds of sweet-tart berries.\n
[14:47] ---
    Your eyes are blueberries.\n
[14:50] ---
    Your lips, raspberries.\n
[14:53] ---
    Though I want to be by your side always,\nyour fruits are far out of reach."\n
[14:59] ---
    What... what is this?\n
[15:02] ---
    Wait, please!\n
[15:04] ---
    I'm home!\n
[15:09] ---
    Kaho!\n
[15:11] ---
    Was there a girl here just now?\n
[15:14] ---
    A girl? I didn't see anyone.\n
[15:17] ---
    That can't be...\n
[15:19] ---
    What about her?\n
[15:22] ---
    I'm not sure myself...\n
[15:26] ---
    But... I want to see her again.\n
[15:30] ---
    So badly... so badly, I'm shaking.\n
[15:33] ---
    I want to know the reason for her tears.\n
[15:36] ---
    Stupidly enough, it's all I can think about.\n
[15:38] ---
    What is this I'm feeling?
[15:45] ---
    You're pretty cute, you know?\n
[15:49] ---
    It's probably... your first love.\n
[15:53] ---
    My first love?\n
[15:57] ---
    I felt the same way the\nfirst time Kanade and I met.\n
[16:03] ---
    I see... So this is my first love...\n
[16:08] ---
    Kaz!\n
[16:10] ---
    Where've you been?\n
[16:14] ---
    I... I seem to have fallen in love...\n
[16:19] ---
    Love?!\n
[16:20] ---
    With the owner of this poem notebook.\n
[16:23] ---
    Her tears and her pure heart touched me so...\n
[16:27] ---
    This is it... it's love.\n
[16:32] ---
    Huh. Well, can't say I'm real clear on\neverything, but good for you, Kaz!\n
[16:36] ---
    Thanks! At last I understand how you\nand Kaho feel, being in love!\n
[16:42] ---
    Kaz, the girls' favorite, in love!\n
[16:45] ---
    Those girls are going to flip.\n
[16:48] ---
    Um... why are you guys dressed like that?\n
[16:52] ---
    Can't tell you. We're in the\nmiddle of a top-secret mission.\n
[16:59] ---
    I-I see. Sorry. Don't let me keep you.\n
[17:05] ---
    This is it: Takahashi's house.\n
[17:07] ---
    Is the rumor true about them living together?\n
[17:13] ---
    Can I help you?\n
[17:15] ---
    Oh, no, er...\n
[17:17] ---
    Ah.\n
[17:18] ---
    It's dark out, so be careful on your way home.\n
[17:21] ---
    "Squee!"\n
[17:23] ---
    Grown-up guys really are the best!
[17:32] ---
    Women even start out annoying.\n
[17:36] ---
    What's the big idea, Kanade?\n
[17:39] ---
    Sheesh! It's tutoring time, you know!\n
[17:42] ---
    "Hmph!"\nGo on home now, boys!\n
[17:46] ---
    Yes, ma'am!\n
[17:47] ---
    And you change clothes, Kanade. What are you wearing?
[17:51] ---
    Why, Shogo will never trust me\nas a tutor if I let you wear that!\n
[17:56] ---
    And that will not happen.
[18:02] ---
    Hey, Mafuyu... what would you do\nif you made a special person mad?\n
[18:07] ---
    Apologize, apologize, apologize\ntill you're blue in the face!\n
[18:10] ---
    Sliding kowtow,\njumping kowtow, rolling kowtow,\n
[18:13] ---
    --I still don't know if she'll forgive me.\n--flip kowtow...\n
[18:17] ---
    Hmm. That's true.\n
[18:19] ---
    Give yourself a punishment.\n
[18:22] ---
    Seeing you overcome\nit will show her you're serious.\n
[18:29] ---
    Or even... give it to me...\n
[18:32] ---
    Punish me... Get angry, Shogo!\n
[18:36] ---
    Hurt me!\n
[18:38] ---
    Look at me like I'm garbage!\n
[18:42] ---
    A punishment, huh?\n
[18:51] ---
    I mean, Kanade's a primary-schooler.\n
[18:54] ---
    He can't love at the same speed as I can.\n
[19:02] ---
    Kaho!\n
[19:04] ---
    Kanade...\n
[19:06] ---
    Can we talk?\n
[19:08] ---
    What a serious face...\n
[19:10] ---
    Is this good or bad?\n
[19:16] ---
    I've been thinking, about you...\nand about what a "good man" is.\n
[19:23] ---
    I'm going to hula-hoop 200 times.\n
[19:27] ---
    Sorry?\n
[19:28] ---
    To punish my useless self for not\nbeing able to understand the feelings\n
[19:31] ---
    of the woman he loves!\n
[19:34] ---
    "The woman he loves"? Is that... me?\n
[19:38] ---
    My best record is 175 times.\n
[19:41] ---
    If I make it to 200, I'd like you\nto forgive me for yesterday\n
[19:45] ---
    out of respect for my manly spirit.\n
[19:48] ---
    Kanade?\n
[19:50] ---
    I will do this--and I won't hand you over to anyone else.
[19:56] ---
    Hup!\n
[20:04] ---
    This is too surreal, Kanade...\n
[20:36] ---
    You're almost at 200!\n
[20:39] ---
    You can do it, Kanade!\n
[20:42] ---
    195, 196, 19--\n
[21:08] ---
    Kaho...\n
[21:10] ---
    Let's break up.\n
[21:11] ---
    Huh?\n
[22:49] ---
    My heart is a drumbeat!\n
[22:52] ---
    Even though I can't see,\nI'm still drumming away!\n
[22:57] ---
    Look at this grubby Cinderella!\n
[23:00] ---
    Oh... Detective...!\n
[23:03] ---
    I can't hear you! Again!\n
[23:07] ---
    Yes, Professor!\n
[23:08] ---
    I am a clumsy, slow,\nand stupid single-celled water flea!\n
[23:16] ---
    --Snicker snicker snicker!\n--This is awful...\n
[23:18] ---
    --Snicker snicker snicker!\n--Putting sea urchins in my toe shoes?\n
[23:21] ---
    My blood is boiling-hot magma!\nTouch me and you'll get burned!\n
[23:25] ---
    "Bamboo Primary: 1st Half/2nd Half"\n"Kasumi High: 1st Half/2nd Half"\n
[23:29] ---
    Well, boys? Humiliated much?\n
[23:32] ---
    We are!\n
[23:34] ---
    Dazzling drama doesn't disappoint--\n
[23:36] ---
    all on the next FIRST LOVE MONSTER!

7 - Sending My Feelings... (To the Bathroom)

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:01] ---
    We're... breaking up?\n
[00:03] ---
    Because you failed at the hula-hoop?\n
[00:28] ---
    "FIRST LOVE MONSTER"\n
[01:40] ---
    I couldn't make it over\nthe wall that I am to myself.\n
[01:44] ---
    So the only thing to do is to break up.\n
[01:46] ---
    But you were only three\naway from your 200 target!\n
[01:50] ---
    If you round up, that was 200!
[01:52] ---
    Round up... shisha gonyu...
[01:54] ---
    "The five-breasted dead"\n
[01:56] ---
    "Boi-oi-oi-oing"\n
[01:56] ---
    --So many boobs...\n
[01:57] ---
    --Did... did you say "boobs"?\n--So many boobs...\n
[01:58] ---
    --Did... did you say "boobs"?\n--So many boobs... So many boobs...\n
[01:59] ---
    --I bet Kanade's picturing something else entirely.\n--So many boobs... So many boobs...\n
[02:04] ---
    Kanade...\n
[02:06] ---
    I don't want to break up.\n
[02:10] ---
    Not when I've just\nreaffirmed that I do love you.\n
[02:15] ---
    Kaho...\n
[02:17] ---
    Kanade!\n
[02:19] ---
    Kanade... don't you get one last chance?\n
[02:23] ---
    One last chance?\n
[02:25] ---
    Huh?\n
[02:26] ---
    It's cool to be hard on yourself and all,\n
[02:28] ---
    but isn't a never-give-up spirit what makes a real man?
[02:32] ---
    You have a point...\n
[02:34] ---
    Kaho, will you give me one last chance?\n
[02:39] ---
    Yes, of course!\n
[02:43] ---
    Then... we'll throw triplefin for it.\n
[02:45] ---
    "Congrats on the Huge Catch!"\n
[02:46] ---
    Triplefin?\n
[02:49] ---
    Er. whoever wins three rounds of\nrock-paper-scissors is the winner.\n
[02:52] ---
    You say "Triplefin!" as you throw.\n
[02:55] ---
    Okay, Kaho... let's do this!\n
[02:57] ---
    What, with me?!
[02:59] ---
    Ready, and...\n
[03:01] ---
    Triplefin! Triplefin!\n
[03:05] ---
    Triplefin!\n
[03:11] ---
    Kaho... you're good at this.\n
[03:14] ---
    Why did I have to go and win three in a row?\n
[03:20] ---
    I guess this is fate.\n
[03:24] ---
    Farewell.\n
[03:26] ---
    Poof.\n
[03:30] ---
    Kanade...\n
[03:36] ---
    Miss Nikaido!\n
[03:39] ---
    Why the face?\n
[03:42] ---
    If you like Kaho,\nyou should be glad they broke up.\n
[03:47] ---
    Why'd you even mention\nthat "one last chance" stuff?\n
[03:50] ---
    I just... I don't want to see\nthe person I like looking sad...\n
[03:59] ---
    Well, in a sense,\n
[04:00] ---
    you did finish them off in the lousiest way possible.
[04:12] ---
    From the moment we met...\nthough I didn't know why...\n
[04:16] ---
    I was attracted to him...\nhe made my heart pound...\n
[04:20] ---
    Soon Kanade was all I could think about.\n
[04:24] ---
    Dating or broken up:\n
[04:26] ---
    I doubt words like that will\nchange my relationship with him.\n
[04:32] ---
    I'm sure my beloved Kanade\nwill still be there tomorrow.\n
[04:37] ---
    I don't need to be his girlfriend right now.\n
[04:40] ---
    If we can't love at the same speed...\nI'll wait till we can.\n
[04:47] ---
    Come tomorrow, I know Kanade will be the same.\n
[04:52] ---
    "Sending My Feelings... (To the Bathroom)"\n
[04:55] ---
    Brrrm! Boosh! Screee!\n
[04:57] ---
    Good morninja!\n
[04:59] ---
    Here: the Kanade Times!\n
[05:01] ---
    --He's the same old Kanade, all right!\n--Good boy.\n
[05:02] ---
    --He's the same old Kanade, all right!\n--Okay, so gimme your seaweed!\n
[05:04] ---
    G-Good morning, Kanade!\n
[05:08] ---
    Eh?\n
[05:10] ---
    You okay?\n
[05:11] ---
    I don't need breakfast today...\n
[05:16] ---
    Why'd you ignore her?\n
[05:19] ---
    We broke up.\n
[05:23] ---
    I'm not the type to be friends with my exes.\n
[05:28] ---
    --You've never dated\nbefore--how can you be a "type"?\n
[05:28] ---
    --Looks like he's seen some\n--You've never dated before--\n
[05:29] ---
    --less-than-wholesome TV shows.\n--how can you be a "type"?\n
[05:32] ---
    Once you break up,\nnot being nice is best for both of you.\n
[05:35] ---
    Did your mom tell you that?\n
[05:39] ---
    You just do whatever she says, don't you.\n
[05:42] ---
    You love your mother? Like, an Oedipus complex?\n
[05:47] ---
    Are you mad?\n
[05:49] ---
    Kids get mad when you tell them\nthey have an Oedipus complex.\n
[05:54] ---
    There's nothing wrong with loving\nthe person who gave birth to you.\n
[05:59] ---
    And I don't do whatever she says.
[06:01] ---
    I'm just trusting the words\nof someone I love and trust.\n
[06:08] ---
    That's very true.\n
[06:10] ---
    I was wrong. Sorry.\n
[06:13] ---
    'S okay.\n
[06:15] ---
    Must be lonely, not being able to see your mom.\n
[06:18] ---
    I'm not lonely. Everyone's here with me.\n
[06:23] ---
    Everyone...\n
[06:29] ---
    I'll show you Namiko's upbeat riding style!\n
[06:30] ---
    "Namiko Kaneko (Tom's Mom)"\nI'll show you Namiko's upbeat riding style!\n
[06:31] ---
    I'll show you Namiko's upbeat riding style!\n
[06:39] ---
    The demanding game of diving\nthrough a hula-hoop you've thrown\n
[06:43] ---
    requires the leg strength\nto run alongside the hoop\n
[06:45] ---
    and a high level of balance,\nplus flexibility and decisiveness,\n
[06:50] ---
    when jumping through it.\n
[06:52] ---
    Records tell of five princes\nin ancient Greece playing this game\n
[06:54] ---
    to determine who would take the throne,\n
[06:57] ---
    and the theory that this\nwas the origin of the Ol*mpics\n
[07:00] ---
    is today considered the most credible.\n
[07:05] ---
    Gin, it's your turn!\n
[07:08] ---
    But it's a dangerous game... can you keep up?\n
[07:13] ---
    The more dangerous the game,\nthe more exciting it is.\n
[07:16] ---
    I'll show you a man's game\nthat'll really make your crotch sting!\n
[07:28] ---
    What?! Instead of going\nthrough the hoop, he ran past it!\n
[07:33] ---
    Uh-oh--this isn't good!\n
[07:35] ---
    It's gonna hit your wner!\n
[07:44] ---
    Wha--he actually did it!\n
[07:47] ---
    Not so fast!\n
[07:50] ---
    Huh? Backspin?!
[08:00] ---
    R-Right between the cheeks!\n
[08:03] ---
    Why do you think I'm always\ntraining my sphincter muscle, huh?\n
[08:09] ---
    I should've known: your w°°ner and your butt have airtight defenses!
[08:12] ---
    Next up is Kanade. Your turn!\n
[08:14] ---
    Go on!\n
[08:16] ---
    I don't have the right to\nuse one of those anymore.\n
[08:22] ---
    I see.\n
[08:23] ---
    So you broke up with her?\n
[08:25] ---
    If only I'd played a rock...!\n
[08:29] ---
    Aw, chin up.\n
[08:31] ---
    There are as many women as stars in the sky--\n
[08:34] ---
    that's what my big brother said.\n
[08:36] ---
    We have some in our clinic, too. Wanna stop by?\n
[08:39] ---
    Gin, Tom...\n
[08:44] ---
    Thanks.\n
[08:45] ---
    Cut it out--you're making us blush!\n
[08:48] ---
    That is what friends are for!\n
[09:00] ---
    I do know this isn't what I meant
[09:03] ---
    --Should we get a teacher?\n--by "waiting for Kanade"...\n
[09:06] ---
    But I'm curious about him.\n
[09:09] ---
    Oh, Kanade--\n
[09:13] ---
    G-Going home, Takahashi?\n
[09:16] ---
    Yeah, Tom and Gin are in the\nbathroom. I'm waiting for them.\n
[09:21] ---
    Kanade, I heard you\nbroke up with your girlfriend.\n
[09:23] ---
    Yeah, high-school girls are over the hill.\n
[09:27] ---
    I'm glad we're through.\n
[09:30] ---
    Man, what's keeping them?\nOh, they might be pooping!\n
[09:34] ---
    They did have seconds at lunch.
[09:36] ---
    U-Uh, yeah, being growing young men and all...\n
[09:39] ---
    So anyway, I'm a free agent now.\n
[09:42] ---
    Really? Then maybe I'll put in a bid!\n
[09:48] ---
    Er, excuse me?\n
[09:50] ---
    Yes, what? Can't you see I'm bus--\n
[09:53] ---
    Um, what exactly are you doing here?\n
[09:56] ---
    I-It's not what you think!\n
[09:58] ---
    I'm not a deviant or anything, I just... um...\n
[10:01] ---
    I know! I'm just a high-school girl\ninterested in a primary-school boy!\n
[10:05] ---
    Come with me.\n
[10:08] ---
    Y-You've got it all wrong!\n
[10:12] ---
    What is it?\n
[10:13] ---
    I guess I'm just hearing things.\n
[10:20] ---
    Thanks for waiting, figure skating!\n
[10:21] ---
    You fed up? It's a setup!\n
[10:23] ---
    Bye, Fukaya.\n
[10:25] ---
    Later, gator!\n
[10:27] ---
    A moment, if you please?\n
[10:30] ---
    Hup!\n
[10:34] ---
    I'm terribly sorry for the disturbance.\n
[10:36] ---
    No, not at all...\n
[10:38] ---
    Hey, it's Kaz's muttler.\n
[10:41] ---
    Mutt? His pet?\n
[10:44] ---
    Yeah, Kaz's pet.\n
[10:51] ---
    Such gracious words!\n
[10:53] ---
    Master Kanade, Master Tom, Master Gin...\n
[10:57] ---
    Would you please lend me,\nMunemitsu Makurazaki, your assistance?\n
[11:00] ---
    Master Kaz is in certain crisis!\n
[11:04] ---
    The setup!\n
[11:11] ---
    In the ten years since I began\nmy service at the weaning ceremony\n
[11:14] ---
    100 days after his birth,\n
[11:15] ---
    "Bath" "Akemi's Bar"\n100 days after his birth,\n
[11:17] ---
    I have never seen the\nyoung master in such a state.\n
[11:25] ---
    Unbelievably, that perfect young master...\n
[11:28] ---
    ...is confusing his Tuesday\nand Wednesday schedules!\n
[11:32] ---
    Failing to arrange his\npencils by length in their case!\n
[11:35] ---
    Even misbuttoning his shirts!\n
[11:37] ---
    Kaz is?!
[11:39] ---
    You could probably let that stuff slide...
[11:41] ---
    That must be why. His temperature is 97.2,\n
[11:45] ---
    so he is staying home from school.\n
[11:46] ---
    Kaz is?!
[11:48] ---
    That's a normal temperature.\n
[11:50] ---
    "pull pull gnaw pull"\n
[11:50] ---
    "pull pull gnaw pull"\nIt would appear that the young master\n
[11:52] ---
    "pull pull gnaw pull"\nhas been stricken with lovesickness!\n
[11:55] ---
    Huh?!\n
[11:56] ---
    Huh.\n
[11:57] ---
    Please, I beg of you!\nSeek out the object of his affection!\n
[12:03] ---
    And when she is found...\n
[12:05] ---
    ...for the young master's sake,\nI, Makurazaki, will...!\n
[12:10] ---
    All right.\n
[12:12] ---
    We're on the case!\n
[12:16] ---
    They see the single truth for what it is,\n
[12:18] ---
    and look like adults but have the minds of kids!\n
[12:21] ---
    Their name? The Bamboo\nPrimary Young Detective Squad!\n
[12:25] ---
    And with that, the Young\nDetective Squad is in business!\n
[12:29] ---
    C'mon, Jigen!\n
[12:30] ---
    Yep!\n
[12:31] ---
    Goemon!\n
[12:34] ---
    Aren't those thieves, not detectives?\n
[12:37] ---
    Okay, so according to our witness's testimony...\n
[12:40] ---
    A short while ago,\n
[12:42] ---
    I fell in love with the\nowner of this poem notebook.\n
[12:46] ---
    Her tears and her pure heart poured\nout in these pages touched me so...\n
[12:52] ---
    --Poem?\n--Pure...\n
[12:56] ---
    No luck.\n
[12:57] ---
    Which means Kasumi House\nwasn't the scene of the crime.\n
[13:01] ---
    So where was this going on?\n
[13:04] ---
    It didn't happen in the gym!\n
[13:07] ---
    Not in the infirmary, either.\n
[13:09] ---
    Then the bathrooms? We can't block those off!\n
[13:12] ---
    That's... the police, not detectives.\n
[13:15] ---
    A girl we've never met...\n
[13:18] ---
    I've solved the whole mystery!\n
[13:20] ---
    My grandfather's name is Yonekichi!\n
[13:21] ---
    Idiot.\n
[13:22] ---
    The culprit... is Bathroom Hanako!\n
[13:27] ---
    Um, I know I kind of got\nswept up into following you here,\n
[13:30] ---
    but I'm going to head back.\n
[13:34] ---
    S-Say what?!\n
[13:36] ---
    Hanako... is that her name?\n
[13:39] ---
    Yep. Our flawless deductions led us right to it.\n
[13:45] ---
    I see... So her name is Hanako.\n
[13:53] ---
    And where does she live?\n
[13:55] ---
    I hate to tell you this, but...\n
[13:57] ---
    In the bathroom!\n
[13:59] ---
    I-In... the bathroom?!
[14:02] ---
    "Bathroom Hanako"\n
[14:02] ---
    "Bathroom Hanako"\nOur search revealed that\n
[14:03] ---
    "Bathroom Hanako"\nshe's always in the bathroom.\n
[14:06] ---
    No way would a lady live somewhere like that!\n
[14:09] ---
    Maybe she's got a bad stomach.\n
[14:10] ---
    Ah--so she's pooping.\n
[14:13] ---
    What a rude thing to say about a lady!\n
[14:14] ---
    No, Kaz. Even women get\nupset stomachs sometimes.\n
[14:21] ---
    But that means Hanako is suffering\nalone in the bathroom even now...\n
[14:28] ---
    Why don't you get some medicine to her?\n
[14:31] ---
    I, the future OB/GYN, agree.\n
[14:35] ---
    B-But to enter a bathroom with a lady present...\n
[14:39] ---
    I-It's far too early!\n
[14:40] ---
    What are you saying, Kaz?\n
[14:42] ---
    The woman you love is suffering!\n
[14:45] ---
    I couldn't ignore that if it were me.\n
[14:48] ---
    If it were me...!\n
[14:51] ---
    Kanade?\n
[14:53] ---
    Kanade broke up with his girlfriend.\n
[14:55] ---
    What? Is that true, Kanade?\n
[14:59] ---
    It's all over.\n
[15:03] ---
    I'm sorry. I--\n
[15:05] ---
    But it's not all over for you.\n
[15:08] ---
    Get that medicine to the one you\nlove with your own two hands!\n
[15:12] ---
    Kanade... what a guy...!\n
[15:16] ---
    C'mon, Kaz!\n
[15:18] ---
    See? We've got the medicine ready.\n
[15:21] ---
    Tom... Gin...\n
[15:30] ---
    Why all the snooping around... Kota?
[15:34] ---
    More of your usual eavesdropping, eh?\n
[15:37] ---
    Pure trash as ever.\n
[15:39] ---
    N-No! Kanade just came back really hyped up...\n
[15:44] ---
    I didn't want to get involved.\n
[15:46] ---
    Yeah, you're a nice toy for those brats.\n
[15:50] ---
    Who are you calling a toy?!\n
[15:54] ---
    All right!\n
[15:57] ---
    The Young Detective Squad is on the move!\n
[16:00] ---
    Detectives?\n
[16:01] ---
    Yeah.\n
[16:02] ---
    Just between us...\n
[16:04] ---
    ...our sleuthwork has revealed\nwho Kaz's mystery woman is.\n
[16:08] ---
    Kaz? Oh, that normal primary-schooler.\n
[16:12] ---
    Seems it was love at first sight\nwhen he saw her pure poems\n
[16:15] ---
    at our place yesterday.\n
[16:19] ---
    Love at first sight, eh?\n
[16:21] ---
    Her name is Bathroom Hanako!\n
[16:23] ---
    And if we can get the two of\nthem together, it'll be case closed!\n
[16:28] ---
    I see...\n
[16:30] ---
    Okay, we're off to the scene!\n
[16:32] ---
    Now hang on a sec, Kanade!\n
[16:35] ---
    Bro!\n
[16:36] ---
    I heard all about it.\nDon't be gettin' one up on me, now!\n
[16:40] ---
    This is a job for Joji Takahashi,\nprimary-school detective of the west!\n
[16:45] ---
    Are you joining us, Bro?!\n
[16:47] ---
    The western Takahashi'll step\nforth with the eastern Takahashi!\n
[16:52] ---
    It's Takahashi all the way down!\n
[16:56] ---
    Um, so... I'll just be going...\n
[17:01] ---
    You know something about this.\n
[17:03] ---
    I-I don't.\n
[17:05] ---
    You know what'll happen\nif you don't tell me... right?\n
[17:11] ---
    Actually... Kaz's mystery girl...\n
[17:16] ---
    ...is probably me, dressed as a girl.\n
[17:19] ---
    Huh!\n
[17:21] ---
    Ah! You look like you just got a juicy scoop!\n
[17:24] ---
    Maaaybe.\n
[17:29] ---
    Infiltration complete.\n
[17:30] ---
    Oof!\n
[17:31] ---
    To the school building!\n
[17:33] ---
    --Yep!\n--Roger!\n
[17:33] ---
    Dodger!\n
[17:36] ---
    For the class president\nto be doing such a thing...\n
[17:39] ---
    No--not as long as it's for her.\n
[17:45] ---
    How'd I get dragged into this?\n
[17:46] ---
    Children need supervision, right? Come on.\n
[17:57] ---
    What's that?\n
[17:58] ---
    Hanako's poem notebook.\n
[18:01] ---
    I thought I'd return it\nthe next time I saw her...\n
[18:04] ---
    ...so I've kept it on me.\n
[18:06] ---
    I see... You know, she might\njust be a lot closer than you think.\n
[18:12] ---
    Yes, I never thought we'd be at the same school.\n
[18:16] ---
    What the heck?\n
[18:18] ---
    It's locked!\n
[18:19] ---
    Well, it is night...
[18:22] ---
    So that makes this a locked room?\n
[18:24] ---
    Well, it's not a room.\n
[18:28] ---
    --Anybody there?!\n--Kanade!\n
[18:30] ---
    A locked room? That's the perfect crime!\n
[18:33] ---
    The primary-school detective\nof the west'll solve this for sure!\n
[18:37] ---
    Wait, Bro!\n
[18:38] ---
    We might have been way wrong about all this!\n
[18:42] ---
    Whatcha mean, Kanade?\n
[18:44] ---
    How could Hanako have gotten\ninto the school if it's locked?\n
[18:49] ---
    You're right... Teachers should be\nthe only ones with keys to the school.\n
[18:54] ---
    Hang on: then Hanako\ncan't get into the bathroom!\n
[18:57] ---
    Isn't this conversation taking a strange turn?\n
[19:00] ---
    Oh, what's the harm?\n
[19:02] ---
    Maybe Hanako could get in without a key.
[19:06] ---
    Yeah, but Kanade... if that's true, then...\n
[19:09] ---
    Hanako's really a...\n
[19:11] ---
    No, that's too unscientific to be true!\n
[19:15] ---
    Didn't you know?\n
[19:19] ---
    Bathroom Hanako... \n
[19:21] ---
    ...is a ghost.\n
[19:23] ---
    Q?\n
[19:24] ---
    Atsushi, are you serious?\n
[19:26] ---
    Oh no, oh no, oh no!\n
[19:27] ---
    I just remembered something I have to do.\n
[19:29] ---
    No, Gin is not running away.
[19:31] ---
    I spotted the entrance to the\ncontinent of Mu over there is all.\n
[19:33] ---
    Y-Y'all are a buncha babies\nif y'all are scared of a li'l ghost...\n
[19:36] ---
    Hanako's a ghost?\n
[19:38] ---
    So I'm betting the girl you like is not Bathroom Hanako.
[19:45] ---
    G-Guys?\n
[19:47] ---
    Aw, they left!\n
[19:50] ---
    Kids are the best.\n
[19:52] ---
    If you were going to tell them she was a ghost,\n
[19:54] ---
    you should've told them right away!\n
[19:56] ---
    Who's there?\n
[19:59] ---
    You handle this, you stupid spook!
[20:01] ---
    Let's go.\n
[20:02] ---
    Ah! Wait up!\n
[20:04] ---
    Hey, you! Stop right there!\n
[20:13] ---
    Hanako...\n
[20:18] ---
    We can't be having this, you know.\n
[20:21] ---
    Pulling this nonsense twice in one day?\n
[20:25] ---
    I don't know what made me do it!\n
[21:59] ---
    Poop!\n
[22:01] ---
    --Poop!\n--Poop!\n
[22:02] ---
    Why are you so excited to be\ntalking about p--er, number two?\n
[22:09] ---
    "The School-Pooping Problem"\n
[22:09] ---
    Now, it seems there were once\nmany children who couldn't p--\n
[22:13] ---
    --...go number two in the school bathrooms.\n
[22:15] ---
    --My turn at last! Phew!\n--...go number two in the school bathrooms.\n
[22:19] ---
    Yeah, we were like that when we were kids.\n
[22:23] ---
    Arashi! It's the other way around!\n
[22:24] ---
    Your spoken line and\nyour inner monologue are switched!\n
[22:28] ---
    Found out, eh?\n
[22:29] ---
    It sure was rough back then.\n
[22:33] ---
    Once they found out\nyou did number two at school,\n
[22:35] ---
    you'd get stuck with the\nnickname "Pooperman" till graduation.\n
[22:40] ---
    So what did you do when you had to poop?\n
[22:43] ---
    Just hold it till you get home... maybe?\n
[22:46] ---
    What if you couldn't?
[22:51] ---
    If ya don't wanna get caught,\ndo it before anyone sees ya.\n
[22:55] ---
    The Naniwa Speed Coaster\nis a speedy pooper, too!\n
[22:59] ---
    But why hide it? Everyone poops, right?\n
[23:04] ---
    Amen. Heck, I always tell\nthe girls before I'm off to poop.\n
[23:08] ---
    Please, Gin, show some restraint.\n
[23:12] ---
    But it really was rough.\n
[23:14] ---
    I don't go to the bathroom.\n
[23:16] ---
    Huh?\n
[23:17] ---
    Yeah, but...\n
[23:19] ---
    I don't.\n
[23:20] ---
    T-Taga?\n
[23:21] ---
    I don't.
[23:23] ---
    Are you an idol?\n
[23:25] ---
    Ken Tanaka here.\n
[23:26] ---
    Coming up on FIRST LOVE MONSTER...
[23:29] ---
    Ken. Tanaka. Ken Tanaka here.\n
[23:33] ---
    All on the next *FIRST LOVE MONSTER|: *
[23:35] ---
    "Kanade's Telephone Helpline."\n
[23:38] ---**
    Sorry. I'm off today.\n

8 - Kanade's Telephone Helpline

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:24] ---
    I'm not about to lose! My justice will never lose!
[00:29] ---
    It's always the same with you!\n
[00:31] ---
    Time to realize the error of your ways!\n
[00:36] ---
    Which one? Who will it be?!\n
[00:48] ---
    Kanade!\n
[00:55] ---
    Tom!\n
[01:01] ---
    T-Tom won!\n
[01:03] ---
    No...\n
[01:06] ---
    The real winner is love.\n
[01:13] ---
    I-It's poop!\n
[01:19] ---
    Phew! That was a blast!\n
[01:22] ---
    --I'm exhausted.\n--Next time, let's have a space-robot war!\n
[01:25] ---
    Yeah!\n
[01:29] ---
    "Love," huh?\n
[01:52] ---
    "FIRST LOVE MONSTER"\n
[03:03] ---
    "Kanade's Telephone Helpline"\n
[03:07] ---
    "Security Office"\n
[03:14] ---
    Thank you very much for everything.\n
[03:16] ---
    Get home safe, now.\n
[03:18] ---
    Yes, sir.\n
[03:23] ---
    Sorry you had to come and get me, Mr. Takahashi.\n
[03:27] ---
    Why were you snooping around\na primary school in the first place?\n
[03:49] ---
    Kaho's in a real fix.\n
[03:51] ---
    And she can't talk about it.\n
[04:04] ---
    To be ignored by her ex Kanade and mistaken for a stalker?
[04:09] ---
    It's complicated, huh.\n
[04:12] ---
    Oh, that's right: you got a call from home.\n
[04:15] ---
    Huh?\n
[04:16] ---
    They said you weren't answering\nyour cell. It seemed urgent.\n
[04:21] ---
    "Received Calls: Brother"\n"87 New Calls"\n
[04:22] ---
    Oh!\n
[04:24] ---
    That urgent, huh?
[04:26] ---
    You have telegrams, too.\n
[04:29] ---
    "Telegram"\n"Miss Kaho Nikaido: Contact ASAP"\n
[04:32] ---
    Look at them all...\n
[04:33] ---
    I-I'll just give him a call.\n
[04:43] ---
    What's with that moan?!\n
[04:45] ---
    I... I'm going home!\n
[04:48] ---
    What?!\n
[05:00] ---
    Hey, Kanade, what was\nyour deal in dodgeball today?\n
[05:03] ---
    Going down in one hit--isn't your heart in it?\n
[05:09] ---
    I've got something to say, too. Look here!\n
[05:13] ---
    When it comes to serving fair\nlunch portions, you can't be beat!\n
[05:18] ---
    So why do I have two carrots?!
[05:21] ---
    It's not like you!\n
[05:25] ---
    He's right. It's not.\n
[05:28] ---
    I can't say I'm quite myself yet either,\n
[05:31] ---
    but looking at you, I think we're the same.\n
[05:37] ---
    Kanade, you're lovesick, aren't you.\n
[05:41] ---
    You did break up with that one girl, right?\n
[05:43] ---
    So it's a new girl?\n
[05:45] ---
    What a play-ball!\n
[05:47] ---
    Right?\n
[05:47] ---
    That's playboy!
[05:49] ---
    Hanako.\n
[05:51] ---
    Who's Hanako?\n
[05:52] ---
    Hey! Are you listening? Who's Hanako?!\n
[05:59] ---
    Kaho...\n
[06:08] ---
    What the heck is going on with Kanade, anyway?\n
[06:11] ---
    At times like this, there's only\none thing we, as friends, can do!\n
[06:16] ---
    The Ten-Time Quiz!\n
[06:18] ---
    Yay! Yum-yum eat-'em-up!\n
[06:20] ---
    Kanade, say "rest" ten times.\n
[06:23] ---
    Rest, rest, rest, rest,\nrest, rest, rest, rest...\n
[06:30] ---
    In the "ten-time quiz" game,\n
[06:32] ---
    one person makes another\nsay a given word ten times,\n
[06:34] ---
    then asks a question to provoke\nan incorrect, yet amusing response.\n
[06:39] ---
    It is said to have its roots in ancient Rome,\n
[06:42] ---
    where a pizzeria owner would\njab his customers with his elbow\n
[06:46] ---
    when they inevitably fell for\nhis trick and said "knee" instead.\n
[06:51] ---
    ...rest, rest.\n
[06:53] ---
    Now add a B!\n
[06:56] ---
    Rest-buh.
[06:58] ---
    Huh?!\n
[06:59] ---
    No, it's "breast"! "Breast"!\n
[07:01] ---
    That's right! Kanade got it wrong! Ha-ha!\n
[07:06] ---
    Kanade...\n
[07:08] ---
    He got it wrong!\n
[07:10] ---
    Rest-buh!
[07:12] ---
    I'm home.\n
[07:13] ---
    Pardon the intrusion.\n
[07:14] ---
    Hey, Kanade.\n
[07:15] ---
    We're having your favorite tonight:\nbatter-fried fishcake with seaweed.\n
[07:19] ---
    You're supposed to gargle when you get home.\n
[07:26] ---
    What's going on with Kanade?\n
[07:29] ---
    I think he must be lovesick.\n
[07:31] ---
    Huh?!\n
[07:32] ---
    That Kanade? That's not Kanade.\n
[07:35] ---
    But I don't know what to do.\nI followed him home, but...\n
[07:39] ---
    Oh, I see. Now that is a problem.
[07:43] ---
    "Children's Telephone Helpline - Got questions\nor problems you can't talk to Mom about?"\n
[07:47] ---
    "Children's Telephone Helpline"?\n
[07:50] ---
    You mean, kids can call this number\n
[07:52] ---
    and a grown-up will answer all their questions?\n
[07:55] ---
    All of them?!
[07:57] ---
    Really? Awesome! Let's do it!\n
[07:59] ---
    What are we gonna ask, huh? Huh?\n
[08:00] ---
    --They help with your problems...?\n--Something naughty?\n
[08:03] ---
    Kanade! Don't you have something you want to ask?
[08:07] ---
    M-Me?\n
[08:08] ---
    Oh! I have something\nI wanna ask a grown-up about!\n
[08:11] ---
    You do?!\n
[08:12] ---
    Yes.\n
[08:13] ---
    Okay, let's borrow Dad's cell!\n
[08:16] ---
    Yeah!\n
[08:17] ---
    Yesss!\n
[08:19] ---
    Kanade and the gang seem interested, anyway.\n
[08:22] ---
    When you mentioned running\na children's telephone hotline,\n
[08:26] ---
    I wasn't sure what to expect.\n
[08:28] ---
    I just wanted to help out those kids,\nso worried about Kanade.\n
[08:32] ---
    But really?\n
[08:33] ---
    Do you think Kaz will call anytime soon?\n
[08:36] ---
    I've got something to ask him!
[08:40] ---
    --Don't the kids do the asking? --Like about you-know-what and such-and so!
[08:42] ---
    --This can't end well.\n--And you-know-where!\n
[08:49] ---
    Hello?\n
[08:51] ---
    Excuse me, is this the\nChildren's Telephone Helpline?\n
[08:55] ---
    It's Kaz! So soon?!
[09:02] ---
    Um, hello?\n
[09:04] ---
    What underwear are you wearing?\n
[09:09] ---
    Wh-What happened?\n
[09:10] ---
    I must have dialed the\nwrong number. I got a pervert.\n
[09:14] ---
    Arashi, don't tell me *that's *what you wanted to ask him!
[09:17] ---
    I instinctively blurted out\n
[09:20] ---
    --You're the worst!\n--what I most wanted to ask!\n
[09:21] ---
    --Those kids are taking these calls seriously!\n--what I most wanted to ask!\n
[09:24] ---
    Next time, I'm picking up!
[09:26] ---
    "Incoming Call"\n
[09:33] ---
    H-Hello, Children's Telephone Helpline.\n
[09:36] ---
    I have a question: Which is softer, a rest-buh--
[09:38] ---
    er, a breast or a cream puff?\n
[09:42] ---
    Whaaat?!\n
[09:43] ---
    Breasts: close encounters of the third kind.\n
[09:46] ---
    Who cares about that stuff?\n
[09:47] ---
    Huh?!\n
[09:48] ---
    Th-that's right. Boring.\n
[09:51] ---
    It is not! Let's see you answer, Kaz!
[09:55] ---
    You might have touched a breast,\nso you know which is softer!\n
[09:59] ---
    I-I don't know! Don't ask me!\n
[10:02] ---
    Something's fishy!\n
[10:03] ---
    Normally you'd say, "That's not even possible!"\n
[10:06] ---
    No way--have you seriously\nfelt up a girl's breasts?\n
[10:10] ---
    I didn't say I felt them up!\n
[10:12] ---
    I-I just bumped into them!\n
[10:15] ---
    So you touched them? Whose? Hanako's?!
[10:17] ---
    Hanako's, right?\n
[10:18] ---
    Quit being weird!\n
[10:20] ---
    The helpline person will hear--\n
[10:23] ---
    What's up, Kota?\n
[10:25] ---
    He just bumped into them!\n
[10:27] ---
    Lucky! I'd like to touch and\npet girl-mode Kota's breasts,\n
[10:31] ---
    even watch him from afar and take pictures,\n
[10:33] ---
    play guessing-games like, "Is this your nipple?"
[10:36] ---
    And if that's off-limits,\n
[10:36] ---
    --He just bumped into them!\n--then I can move to his...\n
[10:38] ---
    I'm asking you nicely: please stop!\n
[10:40] ---
    Why would you even say such things?\n
[10:42] ---
    Don't you have a girlfriend? What about Chiaki?\n
[10:45] ---
    Kota, I love Chiaki more\nthan anyone in the world.\n
[10:51] ---
    However...\n
[10:53] ---
    What I'm saying is: I love Chiaki, but I desire girl-boys.
[11:00] ---
    For a second there, you'd created this illusion\n
[11:02] ---
    that you'd said something amazing.\n
[11:05] ---
    A first-rate pervert's trick.\n
[11:07] ---
    You flatter me.\n
[11:10] ---
    Advice?\n
[11:12] ---
    It doesn't have to be.\n
[11:14] ---
    Just what you're thinking, what's bothering you.\n
[11:17] ---
    Putting it into words\nshould help you understand.\n
[11:30] ---
    Hello?\n
[11:32] ---
    Is this the Children's Telephone Helpline?\n
[11:35] ---
    Yes, it is.\n
[11:37] ---
    I...\n
[11:40] ---
    What is it?\n
[11:43] ---
    Don't overthink it.\nJust say whatever's on your mind.\n
[11:51] ---
    I thought I wasn't lonely with everyone here.\n
[11:55] ---
    Yes?\n
[11:57] ---
    But I am lonely, somehow.
[12:01] ---
    Why is that?\n
[12:05] ---
    I want to talk about\nour class killifish laying eggs,\n
[12:08] ---
    but the crayfish I put in the tank ate them all.\n
[12:11] ---
    And about Hanako who lives in the bathroom,\n
[12:14] ---
    and about Gin throwing up\nthe carrots he ate at lunch...\n
[12:19] ---
    You can tell me.\n
[12:22] ---
    I want to tell Kaho.\n
[12:27] ---
    Aren't you the one who ignored her?
[12:30] ---
    Yeah, but a world without Kaho is hell!\n
[12:39] ---
    Don't tell me...\n
[12:41] ---
    I just can't. I can't stand\nnot being able to see her!\n
[12:50] ---
    H-Hello? Um, if you've realized\nsomeone is precious to you,\n
[12:56] ---
    you should tell them!\n
[12:59] ---
    Tell her?\n
[13:00] ---
    That's right--tell her!\n
[13:03] ---
    She's not around anymore.\n
[13:07] ---
    Why not?!\n
[13:08] ---
    She went home.\n
[13:09] ---
    Huh?\n
[13:11] ---
    You might not see her again.\n
[13:22] ---
    So what's the plan?\n
[13:25] ---
    If you're okay with this,\nthen it's over and done with.\n
[13:28] ---
    I'm not.\n
[13:30] ---
    So... what's the plan?\n
[13:33] ---
    I...\n
[13:35] ---
    I'm going to get Kaho!\n
[14:04] ---
    So you're really going?\n
[14:11] ---
    Yeah.\n
[14:12] ---
    Miss Nikaido's from Kanazawa,\nout in the Hokuriku region!\n
[14:15] ---
    That's five hours by car.\n
[14:18] ---
    And yet...\n
[14:20] ---
    You're going by bike?!
[14:22] ---
    What are you talking about?\nIf you have a bike, you can go anywhere!\n
[14:26] ---
    I'm going, too!\n
[14:28] ---
    Travel with a friend, live with compassion!\n
[14:31] ---
    Me, too. There've been\nUFO sightings where we're headed!\n
[14:36] ---
    I'm comin' along, too!\nI'll head home to Osaka on the way!\n
[14:39] ---
    --Not by bike you're not!\n--Gin, what the heck is that?\n
[14:41] ---
    --It's too dangerous for primary-schoolers,\n--Seaweed!\n
[14:42] ---
    --It's too dangerous for primary-schoolers,\n--The dried kind?\n
[14:43] ---
    --Osaka is in the other direction,\n--The dried kind?\n
[14:44] ---
    --Osaka is in the other direction,\n--Nope, fresh!\n
[14:44] ---
    --you're not listening...\n--Nope, fresh!\n
[14:45] ---
    --you're not listening... --Huh? What's that for?
[14:46] ---
    We're doing this...\n
[14:47] ---
    --Yeah?\n--...fresh...\n
[14:48] ---
    --Oh?\n--...and funky!\n
[14:49] ---
    Really?!\n
[14:50] ---
    --You need a helmet.\n--Awesome!\n
[14:52] ---
    Thank you!\n
[14:54] ---
    Okay, see you 'round and around, propeller!\n
[14:56] ---
    Propeller!\n
[14:58] ---
    Go!\n
[15:04] ---
    Where are you going, Taga?
[15:06] ---
    Why does it matter?\n
[15:09] ---
    You're so nice.\n
[15:26] ---
    Care for a boxed lunch, ice cream, beer, coffee?\n
[15:31] ---
    What kind of lunches do you have?\n
[15:34] ---
    Sandwiches, futomaki sushi, and a seaweed set.
[15:38] ---
    A seaweed set, then.\n
[15:40] ---
    Thank you very much!\n
[15:45] ---
    Seaweed: Kanade's favorite.\n
[15:48] ---
    Kaho, gimme your seaweed!\n
[15:50] ---
    Stare.\n
[15:54] ---
    Here!\n
[15:55] ---
    Hooray!\n
[15:56] ---
    It's a festival of seaweed! Seaweed, yay!\n
[16:02] ---
    Three-second rule! Annnd safe!\n
[16:07] ---
    Ah! My little seaweed pals!\n
[16:24] ---
    First stage: the straightaway!\n
[16:27] ---
    Just leave straightaways\nto the Naniwa Speed Coaster here!\n
[16:35] ---
    Ain't nobody passin' me by, I tell ya what!\n
[16:42] ---
    What is it, Speed Coaster?\n
[16:44] ---
    I forgot the one thing that can cramp my style!\n
[16:48] ---
    What?!\n
[16:49] ---
    Red lights!\n
[16:56] ---
    It's a long one.\n
[16:57] ---
    "Against the red light..."\n
[16:59] ---
    "If we all cross together..."\n
[17:00] ---
    "...there's nothing to fear!"\n
[17:01] ---
    No!\n
[17:03] ---
    Why not, Kanade?\nWe're trying to get you there faster!\n
[17:07] ---
    Don't you even care?\n
[17:08] ---
    "Crossing"\nDon't you even care?\n
[17:09] ---
    Would you crush the feelings\nof the crossing guard,\n
[17:12] ---
    who helps us cross with a\n"Take care and see you later"?\n
[17:15] ---
    Yeah, my moms is a crossing guard.\n
[17:19] ---
    She dresses all in yellow tiger-stripes, though.\n
[17:21] ---
    Hey, the light changed.\n
[17:45] ---
    Second stage: the slope!\n
[17:48] ---
    I'll handle the climb!\n
[17:51] ---
    Huff, huff, huff, huff!\n
[17:57] ---
    Isn't this when people drop out from heat,\nexhaustion, and loss of focus?\n
[18:01] ---
    Here's where it comes down to guts!\n
[18:04] ---
    Bro!\n
[18:05] ---
    Don't worry about me!\n
[18:08] ---
    Go on, Kanade!\n
[18:11] ---
    I'm sorry, Bro!\n
[18:15] ---
    Third stage: the mountain!\n
[18:17] ---
    We're crossing that mountain!\n
[18:19] ---
    Why?\n
[18:20] ---
    Is it a shortcut?\n
[18:21] ---
    Because it's there!\n
[18:24] ---
    Got it!\n
[18:26] ---
    Huff, huff, huff, huff!\n
[18:30] ---
    Tom!\n
[18:33] ---
    Tom! Gin!\n
[18:36] ---
    Kanade!\n
[18:37] ---
    Dog poop!\n
[18:42] ---
    Kanade!\n
[18:49] ---
    "Select! Fresh Wakame - Full of Minerals"\n
[19:02] ---
    'S no use, huh.\n
[19:03] ---
    What can you do? We all got flats.\n
[19:06] ---
    I've got to get to cram school.\n
[19:09] ---
    Kanade, it's time.\n
[19:12] ---
    I won't give up.\n
[19:14] ---
    I'm going, even if I have to walk--or crawl!\n
[19:18] ---
    Kanade!\n
[19:23] ---
    If you want to go that badly, hop in.\n
[19:28] ---
    Atsushi!\n
[19:31] ---
    I'll take care of your machine!\n
[19:33] ---
    Tom!\n
[19:33] ---
    Never fear--I'll make it to cram school on time!\n
[19:36] ---
    Gin!\n
[19:37] ---
    Show 'em your manly spirit!\n
[19:54] ---
    See you later!\n
[20:01] ---
    Well, here I am.\n
[20:08] ---
    Hello?\n
[22:09] ---
    "Afterclass Homeroom"\n
[22:12] ---
    Boy, do I have a scoop for you!\n
[22:16] ---
    According to my big brothers,\n
[22:18] ---
    when you're going\n40 miles per hour on your bike\n
[22:20] ---
    and you do this...
[22:21] ---
    ...it feels like a breast!\n
[22:24] ---
    --Cool!\n--What? It does?\n
[22:26] ---
    It's called "air petting"!\n
[22:28] ---
    So it's all-you-can-touch boobs!\n
[22:30] ---
    Worth a try, huh?\n
[22:32] ---
    But can you even go 40 miles per hour?
[22:36] ---
    Let a grown-up show you how it's done!\n
[22:39] ---
    Good luck, Arashi!\n
[22:40] ---
    Fight!\n
[22:47] ---
    Kaz, isn't this 40 yet?\n
[22:50] ---
    Why are you asking Kaz?\n
[22:52] ---
    B-Because he's good at numbers?\n
[22:56] ---
    Because Kaz is beautiful!\n
[22:59] ---
    What?!\n
[23:00] ---
    Tell me, Kaz: am I... am I there yet?\n
[23:05] ---
    I can't wait! I'm there! Ohhh, I'm so there!
[23:09] ---
    Shut up.\n
[23:13] ---
    Taga, you can kick me more...\n
[23:16] ---
    --You damn pathogen.\n--Hello, police?\n
[23:18] ---
    --Fantasy abandonment?\n--We have a deviant here.\n
[23:20] ---
    --Sure! I'm the strongest around!\n--Please come right away.\n
[23:21] ---
    Yes. The address is...\n
[23:25] ---
    Renren here!\n
[23:26] ---
    Coming up on FIRST LOVE MONSTER...
[23:28] ---
    "Kaho reunites with her brother Daikoku\nat her family home in Kanazawa."\n
[23:29] ---
    "Meanwhile, Kanade and Taga arrive,\nhot on her trail! It's a standoff:"\n
[23:30] ---
    "Daikoku, Kaho, Kanade, Taga. Who'll make the first move?" All on the next FIRST LOVE MONSTER:
[23:33] ---
    "A Hushed and Crabby Love Song"!\n
[23:35] ---
    And now let's do an impression\nof a boiled Echizen crab!\n
[23:38] ---
    Ready, and: chon!\n

9 - A Hushed and Crabby Love Song

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:36] ---
    "FIRST LOVE MONSTER"
[01:48] ---
    "A Hushed and Crabby Love Song"
[01:54] ---
    Well, here I am.\n
[01:58] ---
    Hello?\n
[02:05] ---
    Father? Mother?\n
[02:20] ---
    Is this...\n
[02:21] ---
    "Kaho's Room"
[02:39] ---
    Kaho!\n
[02:40] ---
    Kaho! Kaho!\n
[02:43] ---
    My brother! What are you doing here?\n
[02:45] ---
    You're back from America?\n
[02:48] ---
    Yes, my project has slowed down a bit.\n
[02:51] ---
    But once I arrived, I found my dear\nKaho had moved out on her own,\n
[02:55] ---
    with Father and the rest gone\nto some random villa or the like.\n
[02:59] ---
    The place is utterly deserted!\n
[03:02] ---
    And so you got in touch with me.\n
[03:06] ---
    From all your phone messages\nand telegrams, it seemed serious.\n
[03:10] ---
    I got worried and came by.\n
[03:12] ---
    It all worked out.\n
[03:14] ---
    It brought us siblings\ntogether again, just the two of us--\n
[03:17] ---
    and for that, I'm glad.\n
[03:19] ---
    But, hey, what's with all these kokeshi dolls?
[03:24] ---
    Yes--aren't they all so adorable?\n
[03:27] ---
    There are lots of theories behind kokeshi,
[03:29] ---
    but I like the one where the\nname means "child transformed."\n
[03:33] ---
    When I could not cherish you, I would make a kokeshi, coo over it,
[03:38] ---
    and distract myself from my loneliness.\n
[03:40] ---
    Oh, but today is the best day ever for me!\n
[03:45] ---
    I am grateful, ever so grateful that you have come, Kaho!
[03:52] ---
    Why did you leave this place\nand start living on your own?\n
[03:57] ---
    I thought it over, in my way.\n
[04:00] ---
    I... I... I'm so sad.\n
[04:04] ---
    My darling delicate Kaho,\nsullied and shattered in the big city...\n
[04:09] ---
    It made me realize that I'd grown\ntoo dependent on you and my family\n
[04:14] ---
    as you tried to protect me.\n
[04:16] ---
    Please, depend on me! Lean on me so hard...
[04:23] ---
    It's not just that. All my own problems...\n
[04:28] ---
    I blamed them on my family, on everyone else.\n
[04:31] ---
    I'm sorry.\n
[04:33] ---
    By all means, go ahead and blame me.\n
[04:37] ---
    It's all my fault. I went to America\n
[04:42] ---
    and couldn't rescue you\nwhen you were in anguish.\n
[04:45] ---
    No, it's not your fault.\n
[04:50] ---
    You know, I've been wondering.\n
[04:54] ---
    Why exactly did you go to America, anyway?\n
[04:57] ---
    Mother and Father said they didn't\nknow the reasons behind it, either.\n
[05:02] ---
    Oh, never mind about me!\n
[05:07] ---
    H-How about we watch some TV? Hmm?\n
[05:13] ---
    ♪ C-C-C-Crab! ♪\n
[05:17] ---
    ♪ C-C-C-Crabbity crab! ♪\n
[05:20] ---
    ♪ Crab-crab-crab-crab! ♪\n
[05:24] ---
    ♪ Crab-crab-crab-crab crab! ♪\n
[05:27] ---
    --♪ Let's eat crab ♪\n
[05:28] ---
    --I know--\n--♪ Let's eat crab ♪\n
[05:29] ---
    --tonight we shall dine on beautiful Echizen crab!\n--♪ Let's eat crab ♪\n
[05:32] ---
    --Oh, my!\n--♪ Let's eat crab ♪\n
[05:34] ---
    ♪ C-C-C-Crab! ♪\n
[05:37] ---
    --Crab, crab, crab...\n--♪ C-C-C-Crabbity crab! ♪\n
[05:46] ---
    Hey, where'd you get this car?\n
[05:49] ---
    It's a rental.\n
[05:51] ---
    You rented it for me?\n
[05:54] ---
    Guess so.\n
[05:55] ---
    Why are you so nice to me, anyway?\n
[06:01] ---
    I lost my mom, too, when I was about your age.\n
[06:07] ---
    Seeing you reminds me of my childhood...\n
[06:12] ---
    And I can't let you be.\n
[06:14] ---
    Huh. But you sure are mean to Kaho.\n
[06:18] ---
    It's not like she's the only one I'm mean to.\n
[06:23] ---
    The woman my dad remarried was like that.\n
[06:28] ---
    I hate wishy-washy women.\n
[06:30] ---
    Wishy-washy? But Kaho...\n
[06:42] ---
    "Kanazawa - Toyama" "Takaoka"
[06:44] ---
    "Nikaido"
[06:45] ---
    Come, you must be hungry.\nDinner is ready at last.\n
[06:49] ---
    I had no time to prepare--\n
[06:51] ---
    I'm afraid this meager meal\nis all the caterer could offer.\n
[06:54] ---
    Our household's sensibilities\nare as wonky as ever.\n
[06:58] ---
    It's just right. Let's dig in!\n
[07:01] ---
    Bon appétit.\n
[07:07] ---
    That seasoned seaweed would remind me of Kanade...
[07:12] ---
    Wh-What is it?\n
[07:14] ---
    Gimme your seaweed.\n
[07:15] ---
    Oh, uh, here.\n
[07:17] ---
    Thank you!\n
[07:19] ---
    Was it not to your liking?\n
[07:22] ---
    It was.\n
[07:34] ---
    Kaho sucked on these very crab shells\nwith her own darling mouth.\n
[07:40] ---
    And this is the pit from the picked plum\n
[07:43] ---
    that Kaho placed in\nher mouth and licked all over!\n
[07:50] ---
    Daikoku?\n
[07:52] ---
    How did you find your bath?\n
[07:54] ---
    Thanks for letting me go first. It felt great.\n
[07:58] ---
    Good to hear. You must be exhausted.\n
[08:02] ---
    I used a futon dryer to\nget your bed nice and fluffy.\n
[08:08] ---
    Um... I'm going back to Tokyo tomorrow.\n
[08:12] ---
    To Tokyo?! No! Just a little longer?\n
[08:17] ---
    You came all this way--why\nnot take it easy for a while?\n
[08:20] ---
    This just... feels like I'm running away.\n
[08:24] ---
    Running away? What from?\n
[08:27] ---
    Sorry--I am exhausted. I'm turning in.
[08:31] ---
    Good night.\n
[08:35] ---
    Good night, Kaho.\n
[08:43] ---
    It's not like I'll have any messages... right?\n
[08:51] ---
    Kaho seemed a little off somehow.\n
[08:58] ---
    What on earth happened to her in Tokyo?\n
[09:13] ---
    A doting brother such as\nmyself cannot help but worry.\n
[09:19] ---
    Good morning!\n
[09:21] ---
    Good morning, Kaho. Breakfast is served.\n
[09:29] ---
    Starting the day with another feast, I see.\n
[09:32] ---
    You seemed a bit unwell yesterday,\n
[09:35] ---
    so I put in a special order with the caterer\n
[09:37] ---
    for snapping-turtle soup and roast eel on rice.\n
[09:40] ---
    Huh? I... I seemed unwell?\n
[09:44] ---
    Correct. You may put on a\nbrave face, but your brother can tell.\n
[09:50] ---
    Kaho... was it something\npainful that sent you back here?\n
[09:57] ---
    G-Good morning, Kanade!\n
[10:02] ---
    I can't hide anything from you, huh.\n
[10:05] ---
    Well, I have been looking out for my darling sister all this time.
[10:10] ---
    The truth is...\n
[10:14] ---
    I fell in love.\n
[10:16] ---
    Love?!\n
[10:18] ---
    Yes. My first love.\n
[10:20] ---
    And this rogue is in Tokyo?\n
[10:23] ---
    What's his occupation? His pedigree?\n
[10:26] ---
    He must be quite the smooth\ncustomer to win your heart!\n
[10:30] ---
    Oh, um, actually, it's over. I've been dumped.\n
[10:35] ---
    Dumped?!\n
[10:37] ---
    It can't be! There are villains in this world who would dump Kaho?!
[10:48] ---
    Kaho! Come out and play!\n
[10:51] ---
    Huh? That voice...\n
[10:54] ---
    Is that Kanade?\n
[10:58] ---
    "Nikaido"
[10:59] ---
    "Nikaido"\nKaho! Come out and play!\n
[11:02] ---
    You came to play?
[11:04] ---
    So what should I say?\n
[11:06] ---
    Kaho! Come out and make up!\n
[11:14] ---
    Kaho isn't here right now.\n
[11:16] ---
    When is she coming back?\n
[11:17] ---
    She's never coming back.
[11:20] ---
    Daikoku! What are you doing?!\n
[11:23] ---
    Hey, Kaho is too here!
[11:25] ---
    Kanade! And Taga...\n
[11:28] ---
    What are you doing here, Kanade?\n
[11:31] ---
    I came to see you.\nTo tell you how I really feel.\n
[11:38] ---
    Wait!\n
[11:39] ---
    You lied. And you keep getting in the way.\n
[11:43] ---
    I beg your pardon?\n
[11:45] ---
    Oh, Daikoku, this is--\n
[11:48] ---
    Who are you, anyway?
[11:49] ---
    Who are you?
[11:51] ---
    Her brother!\n
[11:52] ---
    Her ex-boyfriend!\n
[11:53] ---
    Her ex, eh? I've heard about you!
[11:56] ---
    The shiftless fiend who dumped Kaho!\nI will not forgive you!\n
[12:02] ---
    Kaho! Let's talk over there, alone.\n
[12:06] ---
    I won't let you! You'll go off\ninto the shadows, just you two,\n
[12:11] ---
    and you'll sm-sm-sm-*smooch *or something, I know it!
[12:15] ---
    Smooch? Oh, we've done that already.\n
[12:22] ---
    I-I won't allow it!\nI'm her brother, and I say no!\n
[12:25] ---
    We shall have a proper duel!\n
[12:28] ---
    A duel?\n
[12:31] ---
    Red Light, Green Light!\n
[12:34] ---
    Gr--\n
[12:35] ---
    Green light... red light!\n
[12:41] ---
    --Green light...\n--This confrontation of the century,\n
[12:44] ---
    with Kaho on the line,\nis "Red Light, Green Light"?!\n
[12:46] ---
    Green light...\n
[12:48] ---
    So you say, but you sure\nare going along with it.\n
[12:52] ---
    And just who in blazes are you?\n
[12:54] ---
    Red light!\n
[12:56] ---
    Phooey--no one's moving!\n
[12:59] ---
    Green light...\n
[13:03] ---
    Daikoku, that's Taga.\nWe live in the same building.\n
[13:07] ---
    The same building?\n
[13:08] ---
    Don't fret: I have zero interest in your sister.\n
[13:13] ---
    Red light!\n
[13:15] ---
    Green light...\n
[13:17] ---
    I don't know whether to be relieved\nor insulted by your rudeness.\n
[13:21] ---
    Kaho is super-cute!\n
[13:24] ---
    ...and... red light!\n
[13:27] ---
    --Green light...\n--Say, why is that ex-boyfriend wearing gym clothes?\n
[13:35] ---
    Is it that--that "cosplay" thing?\n
[13:37] ---
    Believe it or not,\nhe's in fifth grade. Primary school.\n
[13:41] ---
    Red light!\n
[13:42] ---
    Fifth grade, with that appearance?\nEnough with your joking around!\n
[13:47] ---
    Ask your sister if I'm joking.\n
[13:51] ---
    Red light!\n
[13:54] ---
    K-Kaho's first love is in primary school...\n
[13:58] ---
    How could I let such a thing\nhappen to my beloved Kaho?\n
[14:09] ---
    Red light!\n
[14:10] ---
    I, Daikoku Nikaido, have made\nthe biggest mistake in all my 29 years!\n
[14:15] ---
    Ha! Out! Kaho's brother moved!\n
[14:23] ---
    Kaho, why were you dating a primary-schooler?!\n
[14:28] ---
    I don't have a reason. I just came to like him.\n
[14:33] ---
    And you even sm-sm-sm-smooched, too, didn't you?
[14:37] ---
    But Kanade's dumped me, so...\n
[14:42] ---
    Huh! Hey, dummy, why do you\nthink Kanade came here, then?\n
[14:48] ---
    Huh?\n
[14:49] ---
    Red light!\n
[14:51] ---
    Why? Um...\n
[14:53] ---
    Ha! Kaho moved, too!\n
[14:57] ---
    All right! Atsushi's the only one left.\n
[15:01] ---
    Green light...\n
[15:05] ---
    Okay, you're cut loose.\n
[15:07] ---
    Aw, rats!\n
[15:12] ---
    So I win.\n
[15:15] ---
    Since I'm the winner,\nI'll take this idiot girl here.\n
[15:20] ---
    Not so fast! You just said you\nhad zero interest in Kaho!\n
[15:25] ---
    I don't, but I'll take my prize.\n
[15:29] ---
    Even if it's a consolation pack of tissues.\n
[15:31] ---
    Tissues?\n
[15:33] ---
    You can't!\n
[15:36] ---
    Hmm? Refusing to admit you've lost?\n
[15:39] ---
    Doesn't that go against what\nyour mother told you, Kanade?\n
[15:44] ---
    Oh--bring up his mother, and Kanade will...\n
[15:49] ---
    It does, but...\n
[15:51] ---
    But...?\n
[15:54] ---
    But I still can't hand\nKaho over to you, Atsushi.\n
[16:00] ---
    I get it now.\n
[16:03] ---
    My world without Kaho\n
[16:06] ---
    was like a hell ruled by\nthe Dreadlock Lord of Darkness!\n
[16:10] ---
    Ooh, Kanade, so close.\nYou don't need that "-lock" in there!\n
[16:16] ---
    I want to see you, talk to you, every day.\n
[16:20] ---
    I love you, Kaho!\n
[16:23] ---
    Kanade!\n
[16:24] ---
    Rich words coming from\nsomeone who used Kaho so!\n
[16:33] ---
    Boy, are you easy.\n
[16:35] ---
    Dumped. Depressed. And a single\n"I love you" gets you all moony.\n
[16:38] ---
    Cheap as breadcrusts sold for a dime.\n
[16:42] ---
    And yet you get so full of yourself\nwhen the ducks at the park swarm you.\n
[16:47] ---
    That's why I'm itching to make you\nsee that you're nothing but breadcrumbs.\n
[16:50] ---
    How rude! If Kaho were bread,\nshe'd be a top-shelf baguette!\n
[16:55] ---
    No, a fried bun!\n
[16:58] ---
    Either way, what, she's still bread?\n
[17:00] ---
    Pardon me?! Your attitude is the very definition\n
[17:02] ---
    of how one teases the girl he loves!\n
[17:05] ---
    Perhaps you do care for Kaho after all!
[17:08] ---
    Is it true, Atsushi?\nIs that why you came with me?\n
[17:13] ---
    I see... I hadn't realized it, but maybe I do.\n
[17:20] ---
    Maybe I bully her because I love her.\n
[17:23] ---
    Yes, I love this stupid, simple, wishy-washy,\n
[17:26] ---
    moldy breadcrumb of a girl,\nnot even fit to feed ducks.\n
[17:31] ---
    That's not something\nyou say to the girl you love.\n
[17:35] ---
    Taga's found a whole new game, that's all.\n
[17:40] ---
    I want to hear what Kaho has to say.\n
[17:43] ---
    I love you!\n
[17:44] ---
    I want you to go out with me again.\n
[17:48] ---
    Kaho!\n
[17:49] ---
    Don't be taken in by his sweet-talking!\n
[17:51] ---
    I... I can't go back to the way we were, Kanade.\n
[17:55] ---
    You're not being taken in?
[17:59] ---
    Daikoku... I'd like to speak with Kanade alone.\n
[18:06] ---
    The thing is, I do love you, Kanade.\n
[18:12] ---
    But...\n
[18:13] ---
    But I'm a kid, and too selfish?\n
[18:17] ---
    The way it stands now, we'll just\nkeep repeating the same old things.\n
[18:21] ---
    I don't want to be hurt...\n
[18:24] ---
    and I think I'll start doubting your feelings.\n
[18:28] ---
    Then I'll turn into a grown-up you can trust!\n
[18:33] ---
    I like you the way you are now.\nNo need to grow up in any hurry.\n
[18:39] ---
    What I love is you just as you are.\n
[18:44] ---
    Then what should I do?\n
[18:47] ---
    Do you remember?\n
[18:50] ---
    The day I met you?\n
[18:55] ---
    Falling in love with you made me realize:\n
[18:59] ---
    I knew I couldn't stay the same,\n
[19:02] ---
    that I would have to change.\n
[19:06] ---
    You don't get it at all!\n
[19:08] ---
    If you like me the way I am, I like you the way you are!
[19:12] ---
    Let's stay together.\n
[19:15] ---
    Our combo moves will\ngive a huge boost to our power\n
[19:17] ---
    and our special attacks!
[19:19] ---
    What is he talking about?\n
[19:22] ---
    I saw it at the school arts\nfestival in third grade:\n
[19:25] ---
    the prince and princess,\nbound together for eternity.\n
[19:31] ---
    So: You fell in love with me,\na primary-schooler. What now?\n
[19:36] ---
    My heart's pounding so fast,\nand I love Kanade so much...\n
[19:41] ---
    I don't care what anyone says.\nI want to be with him!\n
[19:47] ---
    Okay, listen to this:\n
[19:50] ---
    To Kaho, at 15:\n
[19:51] ---
    "Love Song to Kaho."\n
[19:56] ---
    What is this?\n
[19:58] ---
    It's not excitement...\n
[20:00] ---
    ♪ Your love alone is like ♪\n
[20:02] ---
    ♪ 110 million times the power ♪\n
[20:05] ---
    ♪ No one can steal it away ♪\n
[20:08] ---
    ♪ Not even the ogres of hell ♪\n
[20:11] ---
    ♪ It's not that I got hurt ♪\n
[20:14] ---
    ♪ I hurt you--now ♪\n
[20:17] ---
    ♪ And then tumbled into hell ♪\n
[20:22] ---
    ♪ Kaho! Woo! ♪\n
[20:25] ---
    ♪ It's not subtraction, no ♪\n
[20:28] ---
    ♪ Me! Woo! ♪\n
[20:31] ---
    ♪ It's addition--no, more like ♪\n
[20:34] ---
    ♪ Multiplication, right? ♪\n
[20:37] ---
    ♪ Your warmth ♪\n
[20:40] ---
    ♪ Your upper arms ♪\n
[20:42] ---
    ♪ Your skin ♪\n
[20:44] ---
    ♪ Skin, fin, fif--fifteen! ♪\n
[20:48] ---
    ♪ Now all you have to do is nod ♪\n
[20:54] ---
    ♪ My ticket out of hell--get you! ♪\n
[20:59] ---
    ♪ So say "yeah" and get a smooch! ♪\n
[21:09] ---
    Kaho, let's get married!\n
[22:57] ---
    ♪ C-C-C-Crab! ♪\n
[23:00] ---
    ♪ C-C-C-Crabbity crab! ♪\n
[23:04] ---
    ♪ Crab-crab-crab-crab! ♪\n
[23:07] ---
    ♪ Crab-crab-crab-crab crab! ♪\n
[23:11] ---
    ♪ Let's eat crab ♪\n
[23:18] ---
    ♪ Crab-crab-crab-crab! ♪\n
[23:21] ---
    ♪ Crab-crab-crab-crab crab! ♪\n
[23:22] ---
    "Echizen Crab Board" ♪ Crab-crab-crab-crab crab! ♪
[23:25] ---
    Renren here!\n
[23:26] ---
    Coming up on FIRST LOVE MONSTER...
[23:29] ---
    "After Kanade's proposal, Kaho returns to Kasumi House in a daze,"
[23:30] ---
    "where she's shocked to find another couple preparing to walk down the aisle!"
[23:31] ---
    All on the next FIRST LOVE MONSTER:
[23:34] ---
    "A Proper Rom-Com For Once"!\n
[23:37] ---
    And now for a match! Renren, chon!\n

10 - A Proper Rom-Com For Once

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] ---
    C'mon, whaddya say, Crabita?\n
[00:03] ---
    Stop it, Echizen Pete!\n
[00:06] ---
    Argh! You're letting Crabbonio\nget inside your shell, aintcha?\n
[00:12] ---
    What's inside my shell belongs to me!\n
[00:15] ---
    Even if it is stuffed full of gunk.
[00:18] ---
    Crabita? Crabitaaa!\n
[00:23] ---
    "Mizuhama Fishery" "Echizen Crab"\nCrabita, that gunk is basically like poop, right?\n
[00:27] ---
    "Mizuhama Fishery" "Echizen Crab"\nYou're so tactless, Echizen Pete!\n
[00:31] ---
    We're leaving, Kanade.\n
[00:33] ---
    Atsushi!\n
[00:34] ---
    See? I bought you a crab.\n
[00:37] ---
    Yay! Crabita! Come home with me!\n
[00:40] ---
    Good for you, Kanade! Crabbity!\n
[01:02] ---
    "FIRST LOVE MONSTER"\n
[02:13] ---
    "A Proper Rom-Com For Once"\n
[02:20] ---
    Atsushi, thanks for Crabita!\n
[02:22] ---
    Sheesh. Echizen crabs are pricey.\nI'll be billing your dad later.\n
[02:28] ---
    Are you mad, Takeshi?\nIs it 'cause I made you buy Crabita?\n
[02:33] ---
    No, I'm not mad.\n
[02:36] ---
    Just thinking... that maybe\nI shouldn't have come.\n
[02:42] ---
    But I couldn't have gone\nto Kaho's house without you.\n
[02:46] ---
    Why would you say that?\n
[02:48] ---
    I wonder. I don't know, either.\n
[02:51] ---
    You're a grown-up, and you\ndon't even understand yourself?\n
[02:55] ---
    Yep.\n
[02:56] ---
    Kaho, something's weird with Atsushi!\n
[02:59] ---
    Huh? Oh, uh, really?\n
[03:01] ---
    Kanade, your time is your life.\n
[03:04] ---
    Giving stupid women your\ntime is a waste of your life.\n
[03:07] ---
    Oho! Treasure your life!\n
[03:10] ---
    Exactly right!\n
[03:13] ---
    Those're his standard specs, all right.\n
[03:16] ---
    Kanade?\n
[03:19] ---
    Well, why not? He *did *come all the way to Kanazawa,
[03:23] ---
    and so much happened there.\n
[03:26] ---
    Boy, did it ever...\n
[03:33] ---
    Let's get married!\n
[03:35] ---
    M-Married?\n
[03:37] ---
    I'll marry you!\n
[03:41] ---
    No?\n
[03:45] ---
    --N-No, it's not that--\n--Unfortunately, Kanade,\n
[03:48] ---
    men have to be 18 and\nwomen 16 before they can marry.\n
[03:52] ---
    Huh?! What's that about?
[03:53] ---
    It's the law.\n
[03:55] ---
    Ah. Then I guess that's that.\n
[03:57] ---
    That was surprisingly fast!\n
[03:59] ---
    Life is long. No one picks\na husband or wife in fifth grade.\n
[04:04] ---
    You ought to be able to find someone better.\n
[04:08] ---
    Someone better? Hmm...\n
[04:11] ---
    Wait, what? Is Kanade starting\nto have second thoughts?!\n
[04:17] ---
    I don't know what a\nbetter woman would be like...\n
[04:22] ---
    ...but I'll take Kaho.\n
[04:33] ---
    Kaho, if we can't get married, let's promise to get married.
[04:37] ---
    Kanade...\n
[04:39] ---
    Are you actually taking this seriously,\nBreadcrumb Girl?\n
[04:43] ---
    Someday, when you end up an old spinster hag,\n
[04:46] ---
    will you hunt him down, all "But you promised"?\n
[04:51] ---
    I'm not really serious about this!\n
[04:53] ---
    Why not?! You should be! I am!
[04:56] ---
    But...\n
[04:58] ---
    Then... let's pinky-swear, Kaho.\n
[05:02] ---
    We hereby pinky-swear...\nthat me and Kaho will get married.\n
[05:09] ---
    If you lie, you'll swallow a thousand needles\n
[05:12] ---
    and cut your pinky off!\n
[05:14] ---
    It's a deal!\n
[05:17] ---
    Uh-huh!\n
[05:24] ---
    Kaho... a primary-schooler... in shorts...
[05:28] ---
    D-Daikoku?\n
[05:30] ---
    Shock is the usual reaction when your sister is dating a primary-schooler
[05:34] ---
    and promises to marry him.\n
[05:36] ---
    If it were me, I'd want to die. In fact, I would die.
[05:45] ---
    Let's go home, Kaho.\n
[05:49] ---
    Yeah!\n
[05:54] ---
    See ya, Kaho's brother!\nNext time I'll teach you hide-and-seek!\n
[05:58] ---
    K-Kanade, c'mon...\n
[06:00] ---
    Let's go, already!\n
[06:04] ---
    Kanade...\n
[06:07] ---
    I-is he going to wake up anytime soon? If not...\n
[06:11] ---
    My stomach can't take the\nstrain of being alone with Taga!\n
[06:15] ---
    Oh, right.\n
[06:17] ---
    Your brother backed off awfully quickly.\n
[06:21] ---
    Eh? I... don't think he... backed off, quite...\n
[06:27] ---
    I see.\n
[06:29] ---
    Could he have been worried about me?\n
[06:32] ---
    No, not Taga, of all people.\n
[06:36] ---
    But...\n
[06:36] ---
    "Echizen Crab"\n
[06:38] ---
    --Psssssh...\n--Hey, Kanade--we're here.\n
[06:44] ---
    Thanks for the ride, Atsushi.\n
[06:48] ---
    Um, Taga?\n
[06:50] ---
    Well, uh... thanks for everything.\n
[06:54] ---
    So even a breadcrumb can say "thank you."\n
[06:58] ---
    Taga... something is weird with him.
[07:01] ---
    Kanade!\n
[07:03] ---
    Bro! I'm home like Thunderdome!\n
[07:06] ---
    I thought you went back to Osaka!\n
[07:09] ---
    I may be the Naniwa Speed Coaster an' all,\n
[07:11] ---
    but ridin' a flat bike all the way to Osaka?\n
[07:13] ---
    Yeah, it ain't happenin'.\n
[07:15] ---
    Oh, all right! Gotcha, pal!\n
[07:17] ---
    Gotcha pal, potcha gal,\ngotcha pal, potcha gal...\n
[07:19] ---
    --Gotcha potcha pal!\n--Ah, back to Kasumi House!\n
[07:25] ---
    Not to pee on your picnic,\nbut carry this crab yourself, Kanade.\n
[07:34] ---
    Eek!\n
[07:38] ---
    C-Crabita!\n
[07:40] ---
    Crabita! It's just a scratch!\n
[07:43] ---
    --Crabita! Stay with me, Crabita!\n--Have we witnessed crab murder\n
[07:44] ---
    --Crabita! Stay with me, Crabita!\n--at the hand of a garbage girl?\n
[07:47] ---
    --Crabita! Don't die!\n--Taga's just Taga after all.\n
[07:48] ---
    --Is that dinner? Wow, decadent!\n--Taga's just Taga after all.\n
[07:51] ---
    No! Crabita's my friend!\n
[07:56] ---
    I'm sorry, Kanade.\n
[07:58] ---
    Kaho...\n
[07:59] ---
    I didn't mean for such a\nterrible thing to happen to Crabita.\n
[08:04] ---
    You, too, Crabita--I'm sorry.\n
[08:06] ---
    It's... okay... peace...!\n
[08:10] ---
    Crabita! Thank goodness!\n
[08:13] ---
    Yeah, thank goodness!\n
[08:14] ---
    Yow! Hot hot hot!\n
[08:17] ---
    I'm gettin' scorched over here.\n
[08:20] ---
    Yeah, our love's been tested, and now\nits flames burn at 10 billion degrees!\n
[08:26] ---
    Yeah, but... y'all might\nbe separated soon enough.\n
[08:31] ---
    What do you mean, Bro?\n
[08:33] ---
    Truth is, Kanade...\n
[08:35] ---
    ...your pops is puttin' on a\nweddin' right this very moment!\n
[08:41] ---
    And from what I heard...\n
[08:45] ---
    I'm his mother,\neven if we're not related by blood.\n
[08:48] ---
    I'll be choosing Kanade's bride.
[08:51] ---
    N-No...\n
[08:53] ---
    I can't let that happen!\n
[08:57] ---
    Kanade... No, of course.\n
[08:59] ---
    We've just made up--to be torn apart now--\n
[09:03] ---
    You're married to Mom--I can't\nlet you do this, Dad!\n
[09:06] ---
    Oh, so that's what he's mad about.
[09:09] ---
    "Congratulations"\n"Takahashi"\n
[09:11] ---
    Yodel-odel-odel-odel yodel-ay-hee-hi-ho!\n
[09:16] ---
    Ahem!\n
[09:17] ---
    D-Do you pledge to love him with all your heart,\n
[09:21] ---
    in sickness and in health,\nas long as you both shall live?\n
[09:26] ---
    I do.\n
[09:30] ---
    If there be anyone present\nwith any objections to--\n
[09:33] ---
    I object!\n
[09:38] ---
    How could you betray Mom, Dad?!\n
[09:42] ---
    How could you betray Mom, Dad?!\n
[09:44] ---
    Kanade!\n
[09:46] ---
    I'm sorry, Kanade.\n
[09:49] ---
    Your dad went and fell\nin love with this woman here.\n
[09:52] ---
    You can call me "Mama," Kanade.\n
[09:56] ---
    I only have one mom, now and forever!
[10:00] ---
    And a sumo wrestler like you...\n
[10:02] ---
    I'm never gonna call you "Mom"!
[10:04] ---
    Sumo wrestler? So that's Mafuyu in there?\n
[10:09] ---
    What did you just say, Kaho Nikaido?
[10:12] ---
    Someone's about to dance with hard luck, all right!
[10:17] ---
    A bride who won't obey her\nmother-in-law? I'll separate you myself.\n
[10:21] ---
    'Kay?\n
[10:25] ---
    This here is what they call a "stepmom."\n
[10:27] ---
    A step toward being a mom? Is she transforming?\n
[10:29] ---
    A trans woman? Tell me more.\n
[10:32] ---
    Dad, why would you... and Mafuyu...!\n
[10:35] ---
    Say something, Dad!\n
[10:37] ---
    He wanted me not only\nto teach you as your tutor,\n
[10:40] ---
    but to protect the house, too.\n
[10:42] ---
    As your mom, I'll make *sure *you're safe from the evil hands
[10:46] ---
    of indecent high-school girls!\n
[10:48] ---
    --Indecent?! No! I'm no such thing! --"Indecent high-school girl," eh?
[10:54] ---
    If this garbage girl came out under that title,\n
[10:56] ---
    would that be false advertising, Kota?\n
[10:58] ---
    Wh-Wh-Wh-Why are you asking me?
[11:01] ---
    You've got tons of dirty\nDVDs in your room, right?\n
[11:04] ---
    I don't, I don't, I don't!\n
[11:06] ---
    You're the worst!\n
[11:07] ---
    Kanade?\n
[11:09] ---
    Even if we're apart,\nour hearts are always together--\n
[11:13] ---
    mine and yours and Mom's!\n
[11:16] ---
    Why, you... you put the "big" in "bigamy"!\n
[11:19] ---
    Kanade... take a closer look at your father.\n
[11:23] ---
    Huh?!\n
[11:26] ---
    Dad! Your eyes!\n
[11:28] ---
    Don't tell me an evil organization\ngave you augmentation surgery!\n
[11:31] ---
    Mafuyu, put Dad back the way he was!\n
[11:33] ---
    Eek! Shugo, Kanade is scaring me!\n
[11:37] ---
    It's all right--I'll protect you.\n
[11:40] ---
    Hooray!\n
[11:42] ---
    Grrr... Lend me your strength, Crabita!\n
[11:46] ---
    All right: a blinding attack!\n
[11:48] ---
    --Eek! I'm frightened!\n--Huh?\n
[11:51] ---
    Gah! My eyes! My eyes!\n
[11:54] ---
    Arashi!? Dang it!\nCrabita: now for a slash attack!\n
[11:57] ---
    Eek! Stop it!\n
[11:59] ---
    Huh?\n
[12:02] ---
    --Kota's down to his boxers!\n--'Kay, now turn to the front!\n
[12:06] ---
    --Yes, a nice smooth butt.\n--Hey! Quit looking!\n
[12:08] ---
    --It's all right, Kota (my eyes!)--\n--Hey! Quit looking!\n
[12:10] ---
    I always carry a Renren costume (my eyes!)\n
[12:12] ---
    --with me just in case (my eyes!)! --What kind of tragic event is this?
[12:16] ---
    I see you haven't changed, Kanade.\n
[12:18] ---
    Time to give it up and be my son!\n
[12:22] ---
    Rats... If only Crabita could pull\noff a megaton evolution...!\n
[12:26] ---
    Come, Shugo. Back to our wedding--\n
[12:30] ---
    Crabitaaa!\n
[12:35] ---
    You used Arashi as a shield. I'm okay with that.\n
[12:37] ---
    Chiaki?\n
[12:39] ---
    But what you're doing is wrong.\n
[12:46] ---
    Mr. Takahashi! Are you all right?\n
[12:48] ---
    Huh? What on earth am I...\n
[12:51] ---
    Well, what with one thing and another...\n
[12:53] ---
    Really: what happened?\n
[12:56] ---
    Ignoring your partner's wishes like\nthis won't bring anything but unhappiness.\n
[13:01] ---
    That's not true! He will have feelings for me someday!
[13:05] ---
    Sympathy, maybe--but not love.\n
[13:08] ---
    It doesn't matter!\n
[13:09] ---
    If we're together, Shugo will\ncome to love me soon enough!\n
[13:13] ---
    No, I won't.\n
[13:17] ---
    I'm sorry.\n
[13:18] ---
    I'm not too clear on the situation here,\nbut I won't love anyone but my wife.\n
[13:23] ---
    Dad, is that true?\n
[13:25] ---
    Yeah.\n
[13:27] ---
    Even though she's passed away\nand I can't see her anymore,\n
[13:30] ---
    your mom is the only one I love.\n
[13:33] ---
    I... I'm glad you two had me!\n
[13:37] ---
    "Takahashi Family Nuptials"\n
[13:40] ---
    What a nice story.\n
[13:42] ---
    It's a sad story.
[13:45] ---
    They say absence makes the heart grow fonder,\n
[13:48] ---
    but when you absolutely\ncan't be together anymore,\n
[13:51] ---
    where does all that overgrown love end up?\n
[13:54] ---
    Those two will never see their loved one again.\n
[14:00] ---
    Chiaki... don't die...\n
[14:12] ---
    I won't.\n
[14:15] ---
    Your mom and dad are still connected.\n
[14:20] ---
    Kanade?\n
[14:23] ---
    And we'll be connected, too, Kaho.\n
[14:28] ---
    Uh-huh!\n
[14:34] ---
    Too many couples! The air in here...!
[14:37] ---
    --Uh, Shinohara's broken.\n--I can't take it!\n
[14:40] ---
    --Just a virgin fit. Don't worry about it.\n--I can't take it!\n
[14:43] ---
    I was well aware: Love has its obstacles.\n
[14:48] ---
    Shugo, you're testing my sincerity, aren't you?\n
[14:51] ---
    You are beyond clueless.
[14:55] ---
    What the hell did ya just do?\n
[14:58] ---
    Ya took off half my makeup!\n
[15:01] ---
    Whoa! Her face came off! She's an imposter!\n
[15:03] ---
    H-H-Her boobs! Do her boobs come off, too?!\n
[15:06] ---
    These babies're real! Ya damn snot-nose brats!
[15:12] ---
    Kaho! Are you okay?\n
[15:16] ---
    Uh-huh. I'm fine, Kanade.\n
[15:19] ---
    You've got cake on your face!\n
[15:25] ---
    He just suddenly licks me?\nThat... doesn't happen.\n
[15:30] ---
    --The air! It's turning all pink in here! --Whoa! Way to put yer back
[15:32] ---
    --The air! It's turning all pink in here! --into yer punches there!
[15:33] ---
    --That's what I call a wall-pound!\n--Kaho, you can have the first bath.\n
[15:35] ---
    --Hit it! Hit that wall, Kota!\n--Kaho, you can have the first bath.\n
[15:36] ---
    --Hit it! Hit that wall, Kota!\n--Um...\n
[15:37] ---
    Well, if you say so...\n
[15:40] ---
    "The Bath is Occupied"\n
[15:48] ---
    Hmm? Can we eat this crab, too?\n
[15:51] ---
    No! Crabita is my friend!\n
[15:53] ---
    Huh! Wait, she's barely responding.\n
[15:56] ---
    What's wrong, Crabita?\nHey, answer me! Smile for me again, Crabita!\n
[16:01] ---
    Won't she recover if you put her in water?\n
[16:03] ---
    Only if ya got a tank or somethin'\nbig enough for this colossal crab.\n
[16:07] ---
    I do.\n
[16:09] ---
    I'll go put Crabita in the tub.\n
[16:15] ---
    Oh, Kaho.\n
[16:18] ---
    You thought it was Kaho? Too bad: it's me!\n
[16:22] ---
    And all of Kaho's bathwater is mine!\n
[16:25] ---
    Kanade, did ya get Crabita in the tub okay?\n
[16:28] ---
    Whoa, what's with the old dude? Creepy!\n
[16:31] ---
    Dunno. Some old guy\nI don't know was already in there.\n
[16:34] ---
    I am not an old guy you don't know! You know this old guy!
[16:37] ---
    Wait--I'm not old!
[16:39] ---
    --Have you forgotten so soon? Daikoku Nikai--\n--There we go, Crabita. Rest easy, now.\n
[16:42] ---
    Huh? What? What are you\nplanning to snip with those claws?!\n
[16:49] ---
    I wonder why my brother was in the bath?\n
[16:52] ---
    And passed out naked, to boot.\n
[16:55] ---
    Did he come to take me back?\n
[16:59] ---
    It'll be fine. Kanade came to get me.\n
[17:02] ---
    From now on, I can stay here\nat Kasumi House with Kanade.\n
[17:07] ---
    Hey, Kaho--did something good happen?\n
[17:10] ---
    Uh-huh. I'm happy that I can be with you.\n
[17:13] ---
    Oh? Me, too.\n
[17:16] ---
    So the feeling's mutual... right?\n
[17:22] ---
    I'm making a raft out of milk cartons.\n
[17:24] ---
    --What's... going on?\n--I came to ask you to help tomorrow.\n
[17:27] ---
    --When did he come into my room?\n--...so it's gonna have to be an underwater walk.\n
[17:32] ---
    Then it came to me!\n
[17:35] ---
    Looking the way I do...\n
[17:40] ---
    Even though I'm in my underwear...\n
[17:45] ---
    Kanade's acting too normal.\n
[17:49] ---
    So there you go. Good night, sleep tight!\n
[17:54] ---
    What is this... this feeling?\n
[17:58] ---
    He left the door open.\n
[18:12] ---
    He saw me--Taga saw me!\n
[18:16] ---
    Kanade saw me like this and didn't react.\n
[18:20] ---
    Now Taga's gotten an eyeful, too...\n
[18:26] ---
    I hate this!\n
[18:32] ---
    Daikoku Nikaido, age 29, Taurus, blood type A.\n
[18:35] ---
    I've watched Kaho intently from morning\n
[18:37] ---
    --How did this person suddenly\n--till night, and I fully intend to continue.\n
[18:37] ---
    --wind up living in my closet?\n--till night, and I fully intend to continue.\n
[18:41] ---
    "Boo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo"\n
[18:44] ---
    Daikoku?\n
[18:46] ---
    Oh, Kaho! Good mor-Nintendo!\n
[18:48] ---
    G-Good morning, Kanade.\n
[18:51] ---
    Hey, has anyone seen Crabita?\nShe's not in the tub...\n
[18:55] ---
    Kanade! Look: seaweed!\nHooray, seaweed, yay! Right?\n
[18:59] ---
    Yay, seaweed! Hooray!\n
[19:02] ---
    Slurp!\n
[19:04] ---
    Eh?\n
[19:06] ---
    Crab... ita?\n
[19:19] ---
    Mafuyu, you meanie! Your bellybutton sticks out!\n
[19:21] ---
    Crabita's not food!\n
[19:23] ---
    --Keeping a pet crab in the bathtub? --She was a friend! But you...
[19:25] ---
    --Truly, children's ignorance is frightening.\n--Oh! That's right! Crabita went back to Kanazawa!\n
[19:28] ---
    She sends her regards!\n
[19:30] ---
    --Yeah, yeah! She's about to have her babies!\n--That's enough, you two.\n
[19:36] ---
    Humans survive by receiving all kinds of lives.\n
[19:41] ---
    Better to connect your lives by\neating them than to just let them die.\n
[19:44] ---
    Kanade... let this be a\nlearning experience for you.\n
[19:48] ---
    Shut up! If learning makes me okay\nwith what happened to Crabita,\n
[19:52] ---
    I'd rather stay stupid!\n
[19:54] ---
    You grown-ups... you grown-ups...\n
[19:57] ---
    I hate you!\n
[20:00] ---
    Kanade!\n
[20:02] ---
    A man who'd cry over a crab\nbeing eaten isn't worth going after.\n
[20:06] ---
    After all, he's such a child\nthat he saw me naked in the tub\n
[20:10] ---
    and thought I was you.\n
[20:13] ---
    Huh?\n
[20:15] ---
    An easy mistake to make, with that body. Am I right?
[20:19] ---
    T-T-Taga?! Y-Y-You sound like you've seen it!
[20:23] ---
    P-Perhaps you suffer from\nlow blood pressure, Taga?\n
[20:26] ---
    --Mornings must be rough!\n--Oh, I saw it, all right. I saw it just fine.\n
[20:31] ---
    But with so little there, I could\nhardly tell if she was a woman.\n
[20:36] ---
    Kanade saw, too, didn't he?\n
[20:39] ---
    But he didn't react.\n
[20:42] ---
    And your mind was full of\nwishy-washy nonsense again, wasn't it,\n
[20:45] ---
    you stupid girl.\n
[20:50] ---
    I bet Kanade doesn't\neven think of you as a woman.\n
[22:30] ---
    "Afterclass Homeroom"\n
[22:31] ---
    Out of the way, Crabbonio. Crabita is my girl!\n
[22:35] ---
    Ha! Save the jokes for\nafter we molt. Crabita's mine!\n
[22:40] ---
    Hey, don't forget about ol' Snowcrab Smith!\n
[22:43] ---
    I came like a thousand miles from\nthe southwest to see my honey Crabita!\n
[22:47] ---
    But you're a snow crab!
[22:50] ---
    Well, I just want to mate.\n
[22:52] ---
    Gross, Carl!\n
[22:54] ---
    A minor detail. But more importantly...\nI'm related to the hermit crab.\n
[23:00] ---
    Crabita! Who's your one true love?\n
[23:01] ---
    That'd be me, o' course!\n
[23:03] ---
    Won't you accept this man's pure heart?\n
[23:07] ---
    Look, you keep calling me\n"Crabita," but I'm a male.\n
[23:11] ---
    Huh?!\n
[23:12] ---
    "Echizen crab" is a brand\nname for male snow crabs\n
[23:16] ---
    caught in the Echizen region.\n
[23:17] ---
    Blurp!\n
[23:20] ---
    Sheesh... Hey, was that my only part? A crab?!
[23:25] ---
    Renren here!\n
[23:26] ---
    Coming up on FIRST LOVE MONSTER...
[23:28] ---
    Oh! Don't look there! Not cool!\n
[23:32] ---
    All on the next FIRST LOVE MONSTER:
[23:34] ---
    "No Peeking! Kanade's Secret Diary"!\n

11 - No Peeking! Kanade's Secret Diary

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:08] ---
    I bet Kanade doesn't\neven think of you as a woman.\n
[00:18] ---
    You're gonna catch a cold.\n
[00:21] ---
    Colds can turn into all kinds\nof worse things. Gotta be careful.\n
[00:26] ---
    Kanade...\n
[00:27] ---
    You can borrow this umbrella.\n
[00:29] ---
    I borrowed it from school,\nthough, so don't lose it.\n
[00:33] ---
    Okay.\n
[00:34] ---
    Well, I've got some business\nto attend to, so I'm off.\n
[00:37] ---
    Business?\n
[00:39] ---
    Later!\n
[01:03] ---
    "FIRST LOVE MONSTER"\n
[02:14] ---
    "No Peeking! Kanade's Secret Diary"\n
[02:24] ---
    Pretty small umbrella.\n
[02:26] ---
    Well, of course: it's the\nstandard primary-schooler size.\n
[02:31] ---
    That thing won't keep you dry.
[02:33] ---
    Taga?\n
[02:34] ---
    It'd be a real pain if you caught a cold.\n
[02:37] ---
    Mind you, I couldn't care less\nif a garbage girl catches a cold,\n
[02:41] ---
    but there's a chance it'll spread to me.
[02:43] ---
    The very thought gives me chills.\n
[02:45] ---
    I'll give that umbrella back to Kanade.\n
[02:59] ---
    That Kanade... Why'd he come home\nand then go right back to school?\n
[03:03] ---
    Sorry I'm late.\n
[03:05] ---
    Aw, you got wet after all, didn't you.\n
[03:07] ---
    Sorry 'bout that, Sadako.\n
[03:09] ---
    I was going to bring you\nan umbrella, but on the way I--\n
[03:13] ---
    Who's there?!\n
[03:15] ---
    Atsushi!\n
[03:17] ---
    Is that... Sadako?\n
[03:21] ---
    You could at least introduce us.\n
[03:23] ---
    You don't hide anything from me, right, Kanade?\n
[03:27] ---
    I'm begging you, Atsushi--\n
[03:29] ---
    don't tell Kaho about Sadako!\n
[03:33] ---
    Why not?\n
[03:34] ---
    They can't meet each other--not yet.\n
[03:37] ---
    Besides, I want to explain this to Kaho myself.\n
[03:42] ---
    Understood. This'll be our little secret.\n
[03:46] ---
    Want to pinky-swear?\n
[03:48] ---
    Kaz and the others know\nabout Sadako. That makes this...\n
[03:54] ---
    ...a promise between men!\n
[03:59] ---
    You've gone and grown up, haven't you, Kanade.\n
[04:11] ---
    Kanade sure was in a hurry.\n
[04:17] ---
    A paper airplane?\n
[04:24] ---
    "Bamboo Primary School Sports Festival"\n
[04:25] ---
    An announcement for their\nsports festival? This could be important!\n
[04:32] ---
    "Secret Diary"\nHuh?\n
[04:33] ---
    Kanade's... diary?\n
[04:36] ---
    I wonder what he's written in there?\n
[04:38] ---
    His true feelings, maybe?\n
[04:42] ---
    Ah!\n
[04:43] ---
    Even if his true feelings are in there, reading a diary is against the rules!
[04:47] ---
    I bet Kanade doesn't\neven think of you as a woman.\n
[04:53] ---
    But... I want to know.\n
[04:56] ---
    "Secret Diary"\nI want to know how Kanade feels.\n
[05:02] ---
    "I want to be with her every day...\n
[05:04] ---
    I want us to be together always.\n
[05:06] ---
    Even after I come home,\nI'm worried someone else will take her.\n
[05:10] ---
    I'm going to have to tell\nKaho about Sadako at some point.\n
[05:14] ---
    This is my critical mission!!"\n
[05:17] ---
    What... is this?\n
[05:19] ---
    Who's this... Sadako?\n
[05:23] ---
    That's low.\n
[05:25] ---
    Reading your boyfriend's diary? Really low.\n
[05:28] ---
    So it's true.\n
[05:31] ---
    You are trash.
[05:44] ---
    "sigh"\n
[05:47] ---
    Keep on sighing like that\nand you'll chase happiness away.\n
[05:51] ---
    Chiaki!\n
[05:53] ---
    I think happiness might\nalready have flown the coop.\n
[05:57] ---
    Don't tell me: Kanade, right?\n
[06:00] ---
    Maybe primary-schoolers ought to\nbe with other primary-schoolers after all.\n
[06:05] ---
    "Takahashi" "Crabita" What makes you say that at this stage of the game?
[06:07] ---
    You're going to wait and\nsee how he matures, right?\n
[06:10] ---
    Yeah... but Kanade might be cheating on me.\n
[06:15] ---
    Kanade, cheating?\n
[06:16] ---
    Uh-huh. Probably with a girl\nnamed Sadako at his school.\n
[06:21] ---
    He wants to eat snacks with her... \n
[06:24] ---
    it looks like he's given her the\njump-rope that his mother left him...\n
[06:29] ---
    Hmm.\n
[06:29] ---
    And that's not all!\n
[06:31] ---
    It feels so good to hug Sadako that\nKanade never wants to stop hugging her!\n
[06:35] ---
    He even wants to see her in his dreams!\n
[06:39] ---
    I see...\n
[06:40] ---
    In a relationship like ours,\nemotional infidelity is the hardest kind.\n
[06:47] ---
    After all, our feelings\nfor each other are all we have.\n
[06:52] ---
    For a supposed emotional affair,\nyou sure know a lot of details.\n
[06:59] ---
    I secretly read Kanade's diary.\n
[07:02] ---
    You're the worst!\n
[07:05] ---
    Reading someone else's diary?\nYou suck, Kaho Nikaido.\n
[07:10] ---
    Yes. I am the worst.
[07:12] ---
    Hey, Mafuyu--\n
[07:15] ---
    thanks for the free show.\n
[07:16] ---
    Eek!\n
[07:18] ---
    Those are the landlord's underpants!\n
[07:20] ---
    I'd say you suck for wearing stolen underwear!
[07:24] ---
    "boing boing"\nYeah, yeah, I suck.\n
[07:27] ---
    But what I don't do is read diaries.
[07:30] ---
    Diaries contain a person's heart.\n
[07:33] ---
    You can peep into a bathroom,\nbut not into someone's heart.\n
[07:36] ---
    Even if it's just for show!\n
[07:38] ---
    You can strain your ears\nto hear what's going on inside,\n
[07:40] ---
    stand guard while he's bathing,\n
[07:42] ---
    drink his bathwater to stay healthy,\n
[07:45] ---
    sniff the shoes he's just taken off,\n
[07:48] ---
    swap your chopsticks\nfor his when he's not looking,\n
[07:52] ---
    --take his old toothbrush out of the trash...\n--I understand--all too well!\n
[07:55] ---
    When you love someone too much, you want everything of theirs!
[08:00] ---
    Their chewed gum, their sneezed-in tissues...\n
[08:03] ---
    Even such things as these are dear.\n
[08:05] ---
    I don't know about that brother of yours.\n
[08:10] ---
    That is why, Kaho, you need not\nfeel badly for merely peeking at a diary.\n
[08:16] ---
    Never mind your diary--\n
[08:18] ---
    I check your postal deliveries *and *your phone messages daily, without fail!
[08:23] ---
    "Beep-boop!"\nDaikoku... that's my phone.\n
[08:24] ---
    "Oh--a message."\nDaikoku... that's my phone.\n
[08:26] ---
    Wait--you unlocked it?\n
[08:27] ---
    "Reply ♥"\nWait--you unlocked it?\n
[08:28] ---
    "Sending Message"\n
[08:30] ---
    You're even writing back as me?\n
[08:32] ---
    Daikoku...\n
[08:33] ---
    Come on, Daikoku! Hey!\n
[08:38] ---
    Kanade!\n
[08:40] ---
    The sports festival is tomorrow?\nYou have to tell me earlier!\n
[08:44] ---
    Ah! My paper airplane!\n
[08:46] ---
    Now think about what you've done.\n
[08:48] ---
    I've told you
[08:49] ---
    --not to fold planes out of important handouts!\n--La la la! I can't hear you!\n
[08:53] ---
    Well, shoot. Now what?\n
[08:55] ---
    Tomorrow's my trip with\nthe neighborhood association.\n
[08:58] ---
    No way! Then what about\nmy lunch for the sports festival?!\n
[09:02] ---
    I'm done for... No lunch for me\nat the sports festival tomorrow...\n
[09:07] ---
    Woe... woe...\n
[09:09] ---
    It might be tough the day before,\nbut I'll see if I can get out of the trip.\n
[09:14] ---
    I can make you a boxed lunch,\n
[09:16] ---
    but you'd be eating it\nall by yourself, poor thing.\n
[09:19] ---
    It's okay--go on your trip.\nThis is all my fault, anyway.\n
[09:23] ---
    --Oh, um.... if it's all right with you, I--\n--I'll go.\n
[09:27] ---
    Taga?!\n
[09:27] ---
    "shine shine"\nAtsushi! You'd really come?\n
[09:31] ---
    I wind up going every year, don't I?\n
[09:33] ---
    Kota and the rest will come watch, too.\n
[09:36] ---
    And on your day off, no less! Thanks.\n
[09:38] ---
    Every year, I get roped into participating.\n
[09:39] ---
    "gloomy"\nEvery year, I get roped into participating.\n
[09:41] ---
    "cool"\nI can see that.\n
[09:43] ---
    Kaho, are you coming, too?\n
[09:44] ---
    Of course, Kanade!\n
[09:47] ---
    Yesss!\n
[10:01] ---
    Please move.\n
[10:02] ---
    Boy, you've got some nerve.\n
[10:05] ---
    Especially having read Kanade's diary.\n
[10:08] ---
    Excuse me...\n
[10:12] ---
    As for tomorrow's sports festival...\n
[10:14] ---
    See you there.\n
[10:25] ---
    Now, let's kick off\nBamboo Primary School's sports festival!\n
[10:34] ---
    Wow... lots of cuties here!\n
[10:37] ---
    Where are Kanade and his friends?\n
[10:39] ---
    Is that them?\n
[10:41] ---
    "Entry Gate"\n"5th Grade"\n
[10:44] ---
    Well, there's no losing sight of that bunch.
[10:47] ---
    Now for warm-up exercises.\n
[10:50] ---
    First through sixth grades,\ngive yourselves plenty of room!\n
[10:54] ---
    1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8...\n
[11:05] ---
    Gotcha!\n
[11:09] ---
    They stand out,\nall right--for better or for worse.\n
[11:14] ---
    I'm gonna take some great shots today!
[11:17] ---
    --Next up is the fifth-grade ball-toss.\n--The ball-toss!\n
[11:31] ---
    Is that how it's supposed to go?
[11:34] ---
    They really are physically head\nand shoulders above the rest!\n
[11:38] ---
    Hey, you boys! Let us girls play, too!\n
[11:42] ---
    Yeah, that's right!\n
[11:44] ---
    Boys are used to handling balls.\n
[11:46] ---
    Or is it something else?\nDo you love balls that much?\n
[11:51] ---
    Gross! You guys are seriously the worst!\n
[11:55] ---
    Missed me.\n
[11:56] ---
    Take that! And that!\n
[11:59] ---
    Come on, class--don't fight!\n
[12:05] ---
    And the winner of this event is: the white team!\n
[12:10] ---
    Tch!\n
[12:14] ---
    Fight! Fight! Red team!\n
[12:19] ---
    "Cheer Squad"\nFight! Fight! Red team!\n
[12:20] ---
    "Cheer Squad"\nGo get 'em, go get 'em, rrred!\n
[12:22] ---
    "Cheer Squad"\nYeah!\n
[12:23] ---
    "Cheer Squad"\nGive it some o' that fightin' spirit!\n
[12:26] ---
    Moving on: the fifth-grade tug-of-war.\n
[12:31] ---
    Really bear down now, team!\n
[12:33] ---
    Okay!\n
[12:34] ---
    Don't bear down so hard\nthat you poop yourselves!\n
[12:37] ---
    Poopity poopity poop!\n
[12:39] ---
    Poop ourselves?! As if!\n
[12:41] ---
    Let's get a little louder!\n
[12:43] ---
    Heave-ho! Heave-ho!\n
[12:46] ---
    Okay! Heave-ho! Heave-ho!\n
[12:50] ---
    How do you tell a prostitute to get out?\n
[12:52] ---
    Leave, ho! Leave, ho! Leave, ho!\n
[12:56] ---
    Bear down, girls! Bear right on down!\n
[13:00] ---
    For your future childbirth! Come on!\n
[13:02] ---
    Shut up, Sannomiya!
[13:04] ---
    Ugh, boys!\n
[13:05] ---
    They totally suck!\n
[13:07] ---
    Uh-huh...\n
[13:09] ---
    I don't wanna...\n
[13:13] ---
    Oopsie-daisy...\n
[13:16] ---
    --And the winner is: the white team!\n--Ow ow ow...\n
[13:23] ---
    If the red team loses, it's all the boys' fault!
[13:26] ---
    Tch!\n
[13:27] ---
    "Entry Gate"\n
[13:31] ---
    Takahashi! Is your knee okay?\n
[13:34] ---
    My knee? I just scraped it a little.\n
[13:37] ---
    I-I'm doing first aid.\nWe have bandages--should I...\n
[13:41] ---
    ...get you one?\n
[13:43] ---
    It's okay. A little spit\nand it'll heal right up.\n
[13:49] ---
    So that must be Sadako...\n
[13:53] ---
    A high-schooler,\njealous of a primary-school kid?\n
[13:57] ---
    That's going beyond\npathetic straight to unsightly.\n
[13:59] ---
    Unsightly is fine by me.\n
[14:02] ---
    I rather think it's you, good sir, who's jealous of this Kanade boy.
[14:07] ---
    Me, jealous?\n
[14:09] ---
    Now, I can't let that go on by.
[14:10] ---
    Now, now, let's calm down--\n
[14:12] ---
    You shut up!\n
[14:14] ---
    Why is it always only me?\n
[14:16] ---
    Now it's time for the\nparent/guardian scavenger hunt.\n
[14:21] ---
    Those in the parent/guardian seats,\n
[14:22] ---
    --Don't tell me...\n--please gather beyond the entry gate.\n
[14:23] ---
    --Who's doing the scavenger hunt?\n--please gather beyond the entry gate.\n
[14:26] ---
    You, of course.\n
[14:29] ---
    But I'm so slow!\n
[14:31] ---
    Why do you think we brought you along. anyway?\n
[14:34] ---
    I don't want to! Last year I was\nlast in the bread-eating contest,\n
[14:38] ---
    and Tom and his pals teased that it should've been a lead-eating contest!
[14:41] ---
    Get over there already.\nOut of all the virgins, you're my slave.\n
[14:45] ---
    Oooh! So we're both slaves?!
[14:48] ---
    You bet!\n
[14:49] ---
    "Ooh..."\n
[14:51] ---
    Let the parent/guardian scavenger race begin!\n
[14:59] ---
    On your marks... get set...\n
[15:02] ---
    "dash" "vrooom"\n
[15:07] ---
    Down to the last card? Already?\n
[15:10] ---
    And it's in a sealed envelope!\n
[15:12] ---
    "Wear Women's Clothes"\n
[15:13] ---
    What the--?! This isn't a\nscavenger hunt--it's a costume race!\n
[15:19] ---
    Hey, lady!\n
[15:21] ---
    I've got to hurry! But... women's clothes...?\n
[15:26] ---
    Li'l Renren! All gyun-gyun-gyun!\n
[15:29] ---
    Um... Arashi? Do you have any... women's...\n
[15:32] ---
    Which do you like, Kota?\nJapanese, Western, or Chinese?\n
[15:35] ---
    I-It's not lunchtime yet!\n
[15:37] ---
    "Japanese"\nLi'l...\n
[15:38] ---
    "Western"\n...Ren...\n
[15:39] ---
    "Chinese"\n...ren!\n
[15:41] ---
    Western.\n
[15:45] ---
    Changing made me so late!\n
[15:56] ---
    Hanako?!\n
[15:57] ---
    I-I'm sorry--I'm in a hurry!\n
[16:00] ---
    H-hey, Hanako...!\n
[16:02] ---
    Hanako!\n
[16:04] ---
    Kaz, they been lookin' for ya over thataway.\n
[16:07] ---
    Okay.\n
[16:12] ---
    That brings our parent/guardian\nscavenger hunt to a close.\n
[16:16] ---
    We did it!\n
[16:17] ---
    Nice work!\n
[16:19] ---
    Another year in dead last, Kota?\n
[16:22] ---
    I took some great photos\nand posted them on social media!\n
[16:26] ---
    Kaho!\n
[16:28] ---
    The footrace is coming up next.\n
[16:30] ---
    Uh-huh! Good luck!\n
[16:32] ---
    I'm gonna come in first--and when I do...\n
[16:35] ---
    ...we'll smooch.\n
[16:37] ---
    K-K-K-Kanade! Not so loud!\n
[16:41] ---
    Is that a no?\n
[16:42] ---
    No, not exactly, but...\n
[16:44] ---
    Well, if you say no, then I'll really want to do it.
[16:47] ---
    So I'm getting that smooch either way!\n
[16:50] ---
    Oh, that Kanade...\n
[17:06] ---
    Now for the fifth-grade footrace.\n
[17:10] ---
    On your marks... get set...\n
[17:16] ---
    Kanade's so cool!\n
[17:25] ---
    Goal!\n
[17:27] ---
    That was so fast,\nI didn't get to take a picture!\n
[17:30] ---
    Yay!\n
[17:36] ---
    What's up?\n
[17:37] ---
    I saw Hanako earlier.\n
[17:40] ---
    Seriously?!\n
[17:41] ---
    Where could she have gone?\nI hope I can see her again.\n
[17:46] ---
    And with that, the students'\nmorning events are complete.\n
[17:50] ---
    While the students are eating\ntheir lunches, we'll have a presentation\n
[17:54] ---
    --from the local seafood association on our stage.\n--Oh, man... it's Li'l Renren, in the flesh!\n
[18:01] ---
    Master Kaz, it's poor manners to leave\none's seat unnecessarily during meals.\n
[18:06] ---
    I know that!\n
[18:07] ---
    "Seafood Festival"\n
[18:08] ---
    "Seafood Festival"\nHi, everyone! How are your lunches? Tasty?\n
[18:11] ---
    So tasty!\n
[18:14] ---
    It would make me sooo happy\n
[18:17] ---
    if you had seafood in your lunches today!\n
[18:19] ---
    Now, I'm here to show you all the Renren Dance!\n
[18:23] ---
    See if you can learn it--and\ndance and sing along at home!\n
[18:28] ---
    Okay, start the music!\n
[18:38] ---
    ♪ Gyu-gyun ga gyuun (ga gyuun!) ♪\n
[18:40] ---
    ♪ Gyu-gyun ga gyuun (ga gyuun!) ♪\n
[18:42] ---
    ♪ Do the Renren Dance with a gyun, gyun, gyun! ♪\n
[18:46] ---
    Let's dig in!\n
[18:48] ---
    --Seaweed, seaweed, seaweed combo!\n--I hear we've got crab croquettes today!\n
[18:52] ---
    Crab cro... quette... s?\n
[18:57] ---
    Eat the fried chicken.\n
[19:00] ---
    Is Kanade really going to kiss me?\n
[19:05] ---
    He's got to be thinking\nabout that Sadako girl, too.\n
[19:11] ---
    I don't really know how Kanade feels.\n
[19:16] ---
    Oh, right! I forgot.\n
[19:18] ---
    Kaho!\n
[19:20] ---
    Come here a sec.\n
[19:22] ---
    Okay.\n
[19:23] ---
    I know--if I get to talk to Kanade alone,\n
[19:27] ---
    I've got to apologize for peeking at his diary!\n
[19:30] ---
    And... I need to ask him\nabout Sadako once and for all.\n
[19:37] ---
    Um... hey, Kanade--\n
[19:40] ---
    The truth is, I... I read your diary.\n
[19:44] ---
    I've wanted to apologize\nall this time. I'm so sorry!\n
[19:48] ---
    You... read it?\n
[19:53] ---
    So... who's Sadako?\n
[20:00] ---
    You want to know?\n
[20:09] ---
    Kaho...\n
[20:11] ---
    Close your eyes.\n
[20:14] ---
    What's going on? He's acting different.\n
[20:19] ---
    He's not going to fob\nthis all off with a kiss... is he?\n
[20:24] ---
    Because that's not going to fly!\n
[20:29] ---
    And yet... and yet...!\n
[20:40] ---
    "Aaaah!"\n
[20:41] ---
    "Aaaah!"\n
[20:42] ---
    "Aaaah!"\n"Aaaah!"\n
[20:45] ---
    See? That's Kaho!\n
[20:47] ---
    This here is Sadako.\n
[20:50] ---
    That's Sadako?
[20:53] ---
    You can probably tell,\nbut she's a dog with a human face.\n
[20:56] ---
    Huh?\n
[20:57] ---
    She's dangerous, so I was going\nto get her more used to me\n
[21:00] ---
    before I introduced her to you.\n
[21:03] ---
    Sadako gets all worked up when she's hungry!\n
[21:06] ---
    So it turns out Sadako was a dog.\n
[21:09] ---
    I got all worked up over nothing!\n
[21:13] ---
    What happened? We heard this crazy scream!\n
[21:17] ---
    Did you see a ghost or something?\n
[21:26] ---
    Huh? What's wrong, Kanade?\n
[21:29] ---
    You're all pale!\n
[21:31] ---
    Don't touch me!\n
[21:36] ---
    Wh-What's going on?\n
[21:39] ---
    I just...\n
[21:43] ---
    I can't be...\n
[21:45] ---
    ...with you anymore...\n
[21:48] ---
    What do you mean?\n
[22:03] ---
    *We'll keep on growing straight and tall *
[22:11] ---
    *Just like the green bamboo *
[22:19] ---
    *Come, friend *
[22:23] ---
    *Take up this planet's future *
[22:27] ---
    *Burning with hope *
[22:31] ---
    *Burning with hope *
[22:35] ---
    *Send it onward and upward! *
[22:42] ---
    *Bamboo Primary, Bamboo Primary *
[22:46] ---
    *Bamboo Primary, Bamboo Primary *
[22:51] ---
    *Bamboo Primary, where you are *
[22:55] ---
    *Our dear school *
[22:58] ---
    *Bamboo Primary, Bamboo Primary *
[23:02] ---
    *Bamboo Primary, Bamboo Primary *
[23:07] ---
    *Bamboo Primary, where you are *
[23:11] ---
    *Our dear school *
[23:25] ---
    Renren here!\n
[23:27] ---
    Coming up on FIRST LOVE MONSTER...
[23:29] ---
    "First love, friendship,\nyouth...The lovely, shy high-school girl Kaho"\n
[23:30] ---
    "and the breezy, earnest primary-school\nboy Kanade run into one another again and again,"\n
[23:32] ---
    "spinning out miracle after miracle." All on the next FIRST LOVE MONSTER:
[23:34] ---
    "Adorable/Abnormable"!\n
[23:36] ---
    And now for a match! Renren, chon!\n

12 - Adorable/Abnormable

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:12] ---
    If you're not eating this, I'll take it.\n
[00:14] ---
    Huh? Geez! But I love it--\nI was saving it for last!\n
[00:21] ---
    Ah...\n
[00:22] ---
    Hmm? What is it?\n
[00:23] ---
    Say that again, would you?\n
[00:25] ---
    Say what again?\n
[00:26] ---
    Why hadn't you eaten your seaweed yet?\n
[00:28] ---
    Huh?\n
[00:30] ---
    Because I love it?\n
[00:31] ---
    Mmm.\n
[00:34] ---
    Okay: got it.\n
[00:35] ---
    I've memorized the way you looked\nand sounded when you said "love" to me.\n
[00:40] ---
    L-Look, it's the seaweed I love, okay?
[00:43] ---
    Oh, I know.\n
[00:45] ---
    Still... a guy can dream, can't he?\n
[00:49] ---
    C'mon, let's go. We're gonna be late.\n
[00:51] ---
    I do like seaweed, but what I like even more...
[00:56] ---
    Bleah!\n
[00:58] ---
    Dumb ol' Kanade...\n
[01:23] ---
    "FIRST LOVE MONSTER"
[02:35] ---
    "Adorable/Abnormable"
[02:42] ---
    This rain sure came out of nowhere.\n
[02:47] ---
    Yeah...\n
[02:50] ---
    Our shoulders are so close...\n
[02:54] ---
    Kaho!\n
[03:04] ---
    Your skin's like marshmallows...\nI could eat it up.\n
[03:10] ---
    Ow!\n
[03:11] ---
    I think I twisted my ankle.\n
[03:17] ---
    Kaho... hang on tight.\n
[03:19] ---
    Huh?\n
[03:27] ---
    Kanade's heartbeat,\nhis hot breath--they surround me.\n
[03:33] ---
    What now? I want to stay like this forever!\n
[03:43] ---
    That ought to do the trick.\n
[03:46] ---
    Th-Thanks, Kanade.\nYou're good at this first-aid thing.\n
[03:51] ---
    I'm aiming for Tokyo University,\nso I'm studying all kinds of stuff.\n
[03:59] ---
    A rainbow! Look, Kanade--a rainbow!\n
[04:03] ---
    You know what? They say there's\ntreasure buried at the end of the rainbow.\n
[04:07] ---
    Ever since the day we met,\nthere's been a rainbow in my heart, too.\n
[04:14] ---
    And my... my treasure...\n
[04:18] ---
    It's you, Kaho.\n
[04:20] ---
    Kanade...\n
[04:23] ---
    We don't want your sprain to get worse.\nRest here in the infirmary, okay?\n
[04:27] ---
    I'll get my teacher's permission\nto leave early and come get you.\n
[04:30] ---
    We'll go home together.\n
[04:31] ---
    Huh? You're coming, too?\n
[04:34] ---
    Gotta have a hero to\nkeep the treasure safe, right?\n
[04:42] ---
    Never know when a bad guy's\ngonna come by to steal it!\n
[04:50] ---
    Would you look at that!\nA bad guy--here, of all places.\n
[04:57] ---
    That's no way to talk to your teacher, Kanade.\n
[05:01] ---
    Wait.\n
[05:26] ---
    I won't give you Kaho.\n
[05:27] ---
    Fine by me. I'll just have to take her.\n
[05:32] ---
    Is Kanade going to be okay?\n
[05:35] ---
    I mean, a skate-off against Mr. Taga...\n
[05:37] ---
    What gives, Kaz?\nDon't you have any faith in Kanade?\n
[05:41] ---
    It's not that...\n
[05:43] ---
    Mr. Taga's the legendary roller-skater\nwho once took the world by storm:\n
[05:49] ---
    Rollin' Atu-see!\n
[05:51] ---
    "Performing Worldwide - All Other Entertainers Grovel Before Him! - Rollin' Atu-See"
[05:54] ---
    Atu-see!\n
[05:58] ---
    Ya mean... Taga's that Rollin' Atu-see guy?!\n
[06:02] ---
    "Rollin' Atu-See"
[06:03] ---
    "Rollin' Atu-See" Atu-see!
[06:06] ---
    Also known as "Mr. Rolling Eternity"!
[06:08] ---
    "Mr. Rolling Eternity"
[06:09] ---
    "Mr. Rolling Eternity" Eternity!
[06:11] ---
    The same one feared as the "Pandora's Box on Wheels"?
[06:15] ---
    "Pandora's Box on Wheels"
[06:15] ---
    "Pandora's Box on Wheels" On wheels!
[06:17] ---
    It's started!\n
[06:42] ---
    Canelé pastries came out of Taga's armpits!
[06:50] ---
    And soft mochi rice cakes came out of Kanade's!\n
[06:53] ---
    Look!\n
[06:54] ---
    Kanade's mochi cakes are engulfing Mr. Taga's canelé!
[07:04] ---
    White canelé? This is revolutionary!
[07:07] ---
    Th-This warmth, brimming with kindness...\n
[07:15] ---
    There's soft mochi inside the canelé, too?!
[07:18] ---
    Canelé with a soft mochi center?
[07:20] ---
    Can this mean... Kanade was\nalready inside Taga's soul?!\n
[07:24] ---
    Ridiculous!\n
[07:26] ---
    Chewy, crispy, chewy...\n
[07:28] ---
    Kanade's heat is radiating through Taga's canelé both inside and out!
[07:32] ---
    It's gettin' hot in here, all right!\n
[07:56] ---
    The earth gone white...\n
[07:58] ---
    You were sketching out love\nacross this big campus of ours.\n
[08:02] ---
    You win, Kanade.\n
[08:04] ---
    "Taga"\n
[08:07] ---
    Kaho? I got that early-dismissal form stamped.\n
[08:16] ---
    You may still be sleeping now...\n
[08:18] ---
    ...but if you ever start to love me\nso much you can't live without me,\n
[08:24] ---
    be sure you wake up, Kaho.\n
[08:35] ---
    I've been like that for\na long time now, Kanade...\n
[08:49] ---
    You're awfully glum today, Kaho.\n
[08:51] ---
    Did something happen with Kanade?\n
[08:54] ---
    N-Not really!\n
[08:55] ---
    In the setting sun / Soft cheeks flushing\nhotly pink / Here, then: here is love.\n
[08:59] ---
    Ooh, Kota, a haiku!\n
[09:01] ---
    Keeping the spirit of popular poet\nMatsuo Basho alive, I see!\n
[09:05] ---
    Kaho stimulates my haiku-heart.\n
[09:08] ---
    That expression of hers was sublime!\n
[09:12] ---
    A rather fine poem, too, if I do say so myself.\n
[09:15] ---
    Mayhap I'll submit it to the\nhaiku column in am-am Magazine.\n
[09:19] ---
    You can't! It's too embarrassing!\n
[09:21] ---
    I won't--if you speak of the worry hidden in your heart.
[09:27] ---
    Kanade's... too dazzling.\n
[09:31] ---
    Sorry! You just had the\nmost amazing look on your face.\n
[09:35] ---
    Hey, Kaho--I've got an exhibition\ncoming up in New York. Model for me?\n
[09:40] ---
    I haven't taken my showpiece photo yet.\n
[09:43] ---
    In the setting sun / Tinting the tears\nthat now fall / Here, then: here is love.\n
[09:47] ---
    Arashi, take a look at Chiaki, would you?\n
[09:50] ---
    Arashi, a-are you going\nto make Kaho your m-model?\n
[09:55] ---
    I don't want you to! Let me be the only one in your viewfinder!
[10:01] ---
    You've finally told me\nhow you really feel, Chiaki.\n
[10:05] ---
    Come on--my lens is always\nfocused on you and you alone!\n
[10:10] ---
    Arashi!\n
[10:11] ---
    How wonderful! I want to be like them.\n
[10:17] ---
    Dear, dear--and me the\nonly one unattached. How lonely.\n
[10:21] ---
    Huh?\n
[10:22] ---
    But you're so popular with the girls, Kota!\n
[10:25] ---
    Seems romance doesn't\nquite fit that 5-7-5 pattern.\n
[10:29] ---
    It's a struggle, I tell you. I'll be\npartnered with poetry for a while yet...\n
[10:50] ---
    Hey.\n
[10:50] ---
    --Kanade? Um, I--\n--Shh. My manager's looking for me.\n
[10:54] ---
    Kanade? Hey, Kanade!\n
[10:58] ---
    Your... manager?\n
[11:00] ---
    I'm sorry, Kaho. I've kept it\nfrom you all this time, but I...\n
[11:04] ---
    I'm an idol.\n
[11:05] ---
    My dad runs a talent agency.\n
[11:08] ---
    He first let me on the lot when\nhe needed someone to play Passerby A,\n
[11:12] ---
    but after that...\n
[11:17] ---
    An idol?\n
[11:19] ---
    Girls squeeing at events,\nsqueeing at meet-and-greets,\n
[11:23] ---
    squeeing at magazine interviews,\n
[11:25] ---
    squeeing when he says "p-o-o-p"?\n
[11:28] ---
    That kind of idol, right?
[11:30] ---
    My... my heart hurts, somehow.\n
[11:33] ---
    Here I thought he was mine alone.\n
[11:38] ---
    So, listen...\n
[11:39] ---
    Oh, uh-huh? What's up?\n
[11:40] ---
    There's this preview event for the\npremiere of this drama I'm starring in,\n
[11:44] ---
    and I'll be reenacting key scenes as part of it.\n
[11:48] ---
    I'll have to do a kiss scene.\n
[11:51] ---
    How does your drama's kiss scene go?\n
[11:55] ---
    Like this.\n
[12:00] ---
    No, Kanade--don't kiss me there!\n
[12:02] ---
    Where would you prefer?\n
[12:04] ---
    It's not fair! You're always\nwinding me up like this...\n
[12:08] ---
    I mean, in the infirmary today--\n
[12:10] ---
    So... you heard my confession?\n
[12:17] ---
    So my secret's out.\nNow I don't know which way to turn.\n
[12:21] ---
    I'm so lame.\n
[12:23] ---
    No, you're not! You're cool, Kanade!\n
[12:29] ---
    Wow, Kanade, your ears are bright red!\n
[12:31] ---
    Because what you're saying\nmakes me want to jump for joy!\n
[12:37] ---
    Honestly, I've wanted\nto say this for a while now:\n
[12:41] ---
    Kaho, be my girlfriend.\n
[12:46] ---
    I will!\n
[12:49] ---
    You shine so brightly,\nand your words hold such happiness...\n
[12:54] ---
    I smiled, looking like I was about to cry.\n
[12:58] ---
    This love: it's adorable.\n
[13:03] ---
    --Miss Nikaido? Miss Nikaido!\n--Hey!\n
[13:04] ---
    --Kaho-yan! Kaho-yan? --Huh? Am I...
[13:06] ---
    --Hey! You okay?\n--Huh? Am I...\n
[13:08] ---
    --Kaho?\n--Come on back!\n
[13:11] ---
    What the heck, Kanade? Fightin' with Kaho-yan again?
[13:15] ---
    Fighting? That's right! I--\n
[13:19] ---
    Don't touch me!\n
[13:21] ---
    I just...\n
[13:24] ---
    I can't be...\n
[13:26] ---
    ...with you anymore...\n
[13:29] ---
    So that was a dream? A daydream?\n
[13:33] ---
    Bye, Kaho.\n
[13:35] ---
    W-Wait, Kanade!\n
[13:37] ---
    Don't get too close!\n
[13:38] ---
    I've changed.\n
[13:40] ---
    So I must go on a journey.\n
[13:42] ---
    I might even marry Sadako someday.\n
[13:48] ---
    Sadako's a dog. Can you even marry a dog?\n
[13:52] ---
    Kanade--it can't be!\n
[13:54] ---
    Sadako bit me.\n
[13:57] ---
    Are you serious, Kanade?!\n
[13:58] ---
    This ain't good... no, sirree!\n
[14:00] ---
    Wh-What's going on?\n
[14:02] ---
    Sadako's a human-faced dog!\n
[14:05] ---
    Eh?\n
[14:06] ---
    If you're bitten by a\nhuman-faced dog, you turn into one.\n
[14:10] ---
    I got a friend in Shiga whose relative's\ncousin's uncle's coworker's son got bit,\n
[14:16] ---
    and he turned into a human-faced dog!
[14:18] ---
    Wait, what? What is this?
[14:24] ---
    I'll be a dog soon!\n
[14:29] ---
    Kanade! No, Kanade!\n
[14:33] ---
    Huh? Whaaat?!\n
[14:34] ---
    They totally believe it!\n
[14:37] ---
    Listen up, Kanade:\n
[14:39] ---
    This is not a human-faced dog. It's just a regular ugly dog.
[14:45] ---
    S-Say what?!
[14:48] ---
    Once I found out you were\nsecretly looking after this ugly dog,\n
[14:52] ---
    I took this ugly dog to the vet\n
[14:55] ---
    and got this ugly dog its shots.\n
[14:59] ---
    So... so Kanade...\n
[15:01] ---
    Right: he won't turn into a\nhuman-faced dog. He'll stay human.\n
[15:05] ---
    Kanade!\n
[15:08] ---
    Kanade!\n
[15:09] ---
    Thank goodness!\n
[15:10] ---
    Hooray for Kanade!\n
[15:11] ---
    This is wonderful!\n
[15:12] ---
    It's better this way!\n
[15:13] ---
    What the hell?\n
[15:14] ---
    Huh? Kaho?\n
[15:18] ---
    You can totally tell just by looking!\n
[15:20] ---
    All this fuss 'cause you fell for an\nurban legend hook, line, and sinker! Geez!\n
[15:25] ---
    How obnoxious can you get?!\n
[15:28] ---
    You're always like that, Kanade!
[15:30] ---
    Kaho?\n
[15:31] ---
    You're always, always, always, always saying the weirdest things!
[15:34] ---
    Since we met, you've set up I don't even know how many gags!
[15:37] ---
    The biggest thing about you is that body!\n
[15:39] ---
    I keep telling myself it's a growth spurt, but is it? Is it really?
[15:44] ---
    Nope! I don't care if you suddenly grow bigger--\n
[15:46] ---
    but you can't just explain\nit away as a growth spurt!\n
[15:49] ---
    It's too darn sloppy!\n
[15:51] ---
    Here I thought your backpack was a custom order,\n
[15:53] ---
    but no, it's ready-made and just jammed onto your back!
[15:56] ---
    You wear that gym outfit every single day--
[15:59] ---
    how many gym outfits do you have?!
[16:01] ---
    And those bangs!
[16:03] ---
    They're always in that M shape--\n
[16:06] ---
    doesn't anyone tell you to cut\nthem when they grow into your eyes?\n
[16:08] ---
    For as much as you act the\ngrade-schooler when it's convenient,\n
[16:11] ---
    why must you do the hunk thing when it comes to your bangs?!
[16:15] ---
    Forget the "p°°p" and "w°°ner" schtick and cut your bangs!
[16:18] ---
    That's how you end up missing\nthe truth you've got to see!\n
[16:21] ---
    Our first date was a stroll\naround the neighborhood!\n
[16:24] ---
    You pushed me down onto my bed,\nbut then gave me a massage--\n
[16:27] ---
    and a good one, too!
[16:28] ---
    You're all "Pp! Wner! Pp! Wner!"\n
[16:31] ---
    Just when I was glad not to be traded for a Pachimon card,
[16:33] ---
    you suggest we all date together!\n
[16:35] ---
    And all the "pp" and "wner" talk!\n
[16:38] ---
    You used a hula-hoop to decide if we should break up?
[16:41] ---
    Pp!\n
[16:41] ---
    You proposed to me on a harmonica?!
[16:43] ---
    Wner!\n
[16:43] ---
    Pp and wner, you saw me in my underwear\n
[16:46] ---
    with no ppin' reaction!\n
[16:47] ---
    Pp! Wner! Pp! Wner! Pp! Wner!\n
[16:51] ---
    What's so funny about pp and wners, anyway?!\n
[16:56] ---
    Pp! Wner! Pp! Wner! Pp! Wner!\n
[17:10] ---
    You're a riot, Kaho! That was a ton of poop and w°°ners!
[17:16] ---
    I'm sorry, Kanade...\n
[17:20] ---
    Huh?\n
[17:22] ---
    For all those crazy complaints\nto come spilling out...\n
[17:24] ---
    That shouldn't come from the likes of--\n
[17:26] ---
    No saying "the likes of me." Remember?\n
[17:39] ---
    Kanade...\n
[17:42] ---
    But hey, ending your sentences\nwith "poop" and "wner" is super fun!\n
[17:46] ---
    Leave it to you, Kaho! What a find!\n
[17:51] ---
    That girlfriend of his is a real piece of work.\n
[17:53] ---
    Is that what grown-up women do for dirty jokes?\n
[17:56] ---
    That's the girl I fell for once upon a time:\n
[17:58] ---
    Kaho-yan! No, Kaho-chin! No, Kaho-p°°-p°°!
[18:03] ---
    --Kaho-p-p!\n--Kaho-p**-p**!\n
[18:06] ---
    Kaho-p**-p**!\n
[18:08] ---
    --Kaho-p**-p**! Kaho-p**-p**!\n--Hey there, gang!\n
[18:13] ---
    The afternoon events are about to begin.\n
[18:15] ---
    Kanade...\n
[18:17] ---
    Relax and enjoy your sports festival, now.\n
[18:21] ---
    I will! Thanks, Atsushi!\n
[18:55] ---
    "White Team | Red Team"\n
[19:16] ---
    The meat's ready, folks!\n
[19:19] ---
    Okay!\n
[19:22] ---
    I'll take some meat, wner!\n
[19:24] ---
    Me, too, wner!\n
[19:25] ---
    Looks good, wner!\n
[19:28] ---
    It's crazy tasty, wner!\n
[19:30] ---
    What's that? What are you all saying?\n
[19:33] ---
    Wner!\n
[19:34] ---
    It's a game they picked up from Kaho.\n
[19:36] ---
    What?! I didn't see that coming...
[19:39] ---
    Sniff... sniff...\n
[19:41] ---
    The smell of your lower half\nis a feast unto itself, Shugo.\n
[19:45] ---
    Mafuyu! Please stop--that kind of thing\n
[19:48] ---
    --could get you in trouble!\n--C'mon, Sadako, st up and bg.\n
[19:52] ---
    I understand that dog is\ncoming to stay at Kasumi House.\n
[19:55] ---
    Uh-huh. Taga worked\nthings out with Mr. Takahashi.\n
[20:00] ---
    From this distance,\nKanade looks like the ideal boyfriend.\n
[20:06] ---
    He does, doesn't he?\n
[20:08] ---
    But I don't just want to look at him from afar.\n
[20:13] ---
    I don't want Kanade to be just this hot guy.\n
[20:18] ---
    I see. Well, that's fine.\n
[20:21] ---
    Oops, I'm out of meat.\nLet's get seconds, Arashi.\n
[20:25] ---
    Sure thing, Chiaki.\n
[20:30] ---
    Hey, Kaho...\n
[20:32] ---
    Kanade, that's great news about Sadako, huh?\n
[20:38] ---
    When I saw Sadako abandoned like that,\nI thought she looked just like you.\n
[20:44] ---
    It was like you were abandoned... and I just couldn't leave her like that.
[20:54] ---
    A-Are we really that alike?\n
[20:57] ---
    Yeah!\n
[21:00] ---
    Sadako...\n
[21:02] ---
    Kaho...\n
[21:03] ---
    Let's stay together forever!\n
[21:07] ---
    He's so cool, I feel this tightness in my chest.\n
[21:10] ---
    He makes so little sense\nsometimes, I'm just shocked.\n
[21:13] ---
    But that's Kanade.\n
[21:17] ---
    Thank you for meeting me, Kanade.\n
[21:20] ---
    Thank you for making me your girlfriend, Kanade!\n
[21:24] ---
    Kaho, Kaho!\n
[21:27] ---
    This is for you.\n
[21:32] ---
    Thank you, Kanade!\n
[21:35] ---
    The monster called\n"first love" is still coming after me.\n
[21:39] ---
    But I think I can take any attack it dishes out.\n
[21:43] ---
    After all, I love Kanade\njust the way he is--right now!\n
[21:52] ---
    Eh?\n
[21:54] ---
    Huh? Sadako's got a wner!\n
[21:56] ---
    Yep, that's a wner, all right.\n
[21:58] ---
    No mistakin' that wner.\n
[22:00] ---
    So she's a boy?\n
[22:01] ---
    Yup. The "ko" in "Sadako" is for "coj*nes."\n
[22:07] ---
    So she's ugly and a boy?!
[22:15] ---
    "Afterschool Homeroom"\n
[22:18] ---
    This is our final meeting, so I'd like\nto take this opportunity to say something.\n
[22:23] ---
    I think of Kanade a trillion times more\nthan that crappy dumb idiot girl does.\n
[22:29] ---
    When it comes to caring about\nKanade, I simply can't be beat.\n
[22:32] ---
    Ya can't get away with sayin' that around me!\n
[22:35] ---
    With all due respect,\n
[22:36] ---
    I'm certain that I was more seriously\nworried for Kanade than you were\n
[22:39] ---
    during the human-faced-dog incident, Taga.\n
[22:41] ---
    --Ah! It tickles when you lick me there!\n--Caught up in your grown-up common sense,\n
[22:45] ---
    you'd made up your mind at the start\nthat Sadako wasn't a human-faced dog.\n
[22:49] ---
    But I considered the possibility that he was,
[22:52] ---
    and if Kanade became one himself,\n
[22:54] ---
    I was prepared to, too--right along with him!\n
[22:56] ---
    Oh! Th-that's my gyun spot! Don't...
[22:59] ---
    Well, I thought of that, too!
[23:01] ---
    I'd decided to dedicate the rest of my life
[23:03] ---
    to developing a drug that would turn him back!\n
[23:06] ---
    Y'all are thinkin' too hard!\n
[23:08] ---
    Human-faced dog or no, Kanade's still Kanade!\n
[23:11] ---
    I could spend my whole life with dog-Kanade!\n
[23:14] ---
    He'd be my dog, and we'd\nlive together happily ever after!\n
[23:17] ---
    Kanade could never be happy\nliving with the likes of you.\n
[23:21] ---
    I'm sure he'd choose to live as my dog.
[23:24] ---
    Ack! Not so hard! Not so... much!
[23:27] ---
    No, Kanade is my dog!
[23:29] ---
    --He could be a family dog with me! A big-family dog! --My dog.
[23:31] ---
    He'd be happier as my dog!
[23:33] ---
    My dog! No, mine! He wants to be mine!