Don't Hurt Me, My Healer! In a world packed with adventurers fighting with demons—Alvin, a warrior whose wits are sharper than his sword, finds himself needing the help of Carla, a dark elf and healer with maxed-out taunts. Little did he know that this seemingly simple act would result in his most pain-in-the-butt encounter ever. Don’t miss this fantasy and adventure comedy! Season 1 E1 - In this world where monsters are rampant... Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) SIGN    Don't Hurt Me, SIGN    Don't Hurt Me, SIGN    My Healer! [00:01] Alvin     Behold, the vast world in which we live! [00:04] Alvin     It is rampant with monsters     that threaten human life. [00:10] Alvin     This threat is opposed by     countless adventurers! Heroes! [00:17] Alvin     Every day, they face these     dangerous battles... [00:21] Alvin     To protect the people! To protect the world! [00:27] Alvin     And I, Alvin, am one of them! [00:32] Alvin     Wow, an encounter already! [00:35] Alvin     All right! [00:36] Alvin     Here we go! SIGN    "In this world where monsters are rampant..." [00:41] Mostly Bear     Kuma! [00:48] Alvin     Curse you... [00:50] Alvin     Stronger than I expected,     given those cute button eyes... [00:53] Mostly Bear     Kuma! [00:56] Alvin     No! [01:12] Alvin     This is... not good! [01:14] Carla     Excuse me... [01:15] Carla     Are you having trouble? [01:18] Carla     It's a pleasure to meet you. [01:20] Carla     I'm a healer.     My name is Carla, the dark elf. [01:25] Alvin     The pleasure is all mine! [01:27] Alvin     I'm Alvin, the human... [01:29] Alvin     I'm working as a warrior... [01:31] Alvin     But this is no time for niceties! [01:34] Carla     Are you all right? [01:36] Alvin     Does it look like I'm all right?! [01:38] Alvin     Quit standing there and help me already! [01:44] Carla     If you want to ask for someone's help, [01:46] Carla     shouldn't you kneel down in front of them     and press your forehead to the ground?! [01:55] Alvin     A moment, if you please? [01:57] Mostly Bear     Gao. [01:58] Carla     Oh? Is something the matter? [02:01] Alvin     That was supposed to be the     part where you help me. [02:04] Alvin     Why the hell are you asking me to grovel?! [02:07] Carla     Why are you yelling at me all of a sudden? [02:09] Carla     Are you overly stressed, perhaps? [02:12] Alvin     I'm only stressed because of this situation! [02:14] Carla     You're angry that the magibeast     was about to beat you, [02:16] Carla     so you're taking it out on me? [02:18] Carla     You should really take responsibility     for your own failings... [02:20] Alvin     Would you shut up?! [02:22] Carla     You yelled at me again! [02:24] Carla     Humans are scary! I hate you! [02:26] Alvin     H-Hang on!     It's really not worth crying over! [02:29] Alvin     I'm sorry for yelling, okay?! [02:34] Carla     Sorry? [02:35] Carla     Not painfully remorseful? [02:38] Alvin     You little... [02:40] Alvin     No, stop it.     Don't let her take control. [02:43] Alvin     Just engage her calmly,     like a mature adult... [02:48] Carla     Stare... [02:52] Carla     Well? Where's that "painfully remorseful"? [02:56] Alvin     I can't do it... I'm gonna blow! [02:58] Mostly Bear     Gao? [03:00] Alvin     Oh, crap! I totally forgot! [03:02] Alvin     H-Hang on a little longer, would you? [03:06] Alvin     All right, here's what we'll do. [03:08] Alvin     Carla, was it? [03:09] Alvin     If you help me, I'll do one thing you ask! [03:13] Carla     Anything you ask?! [03:14] Alvin     Within reason, of course! [03:16] Carla     Grovel, then! [03:17] Alvin     Is that your kink or something?! [03:18] Carla     Actually, forget about that. [03:21] Carla     Instead, Alvin-san... [03:23] Carla     I'd like you to form a party with me! [03:26] Alvin     Party? [03:27] Carla     The truth is, I've never     been in a party before. [03:31] Alvin     Understandable, given the     whole personality thing. [03:34] Carla     No one will actually talk to me. [03:37] Carla     I guess they all think     I'm out of their league. [03:41] Alvin     More like leagues beneath a noxious swamp... [03:43] Alvin     And that's the worst wink I've ever seen. [03:45] Alvin     Anyway, I guess that's fine. [03:48] Carla     Th-Thank you, Alvin-san! [03:51] Alvin     I can just ditch her later, after all. [03:53] Alvin     Just so you know,     my adventurer rank isn't very high. [03:57] Alvin     So don't get your hopes up! [03:59] Carla     Don't worry!     My hopes were low from the start! [04:01] Alvin     That's not the part where you agree! [04:04] Alvin     And knock off the thumbs up! [04:06] Alvin     Anyway, could you make with the healing? [04:08] Carla     Of the nation? [04:09] Alvin     No, of me! [04:10] Carla     Of you? [04:11] Carla     But you seemed in pretty good shape with     all the yapping you've been doing... [04:15] Alvin     Phrasing, please! [04:16] Carla     Oh, I know. [04:18] Carla     I think someone wants to be coddled! [04:20] Alvin     Could just you get to it? [04:21] Carla     I was just trying to lighten the mood. [04:24] Alvin     Well, please don't. You stink at it. [04:27] Carla     All right. Here I go! [04:31] Alvin     This is so annoying. [04:33] Alvin     I'm ditching her the minute the battle— [04:36] Carla     Hold still! [04:38] Carla     Your heart is still moving. [04:40] Alvin     I'd be dead if it wasn't! [04:44] Carla     Don't shout at me like that! [04:47] Carla     You made me curse you accidentally! [04:50] Alvin     You're the one who— [04:52] Alvin     Wait, what did you say? [04:53] Carla     I placed a curse on you accidentally. [04:56] Carla     Tee-hee! [04:57] Alvin     A healer who curses people is a little     avant-garde, don't you think?! [05:00] Carla     Please remain calm. [05:01] Carla     It's not much of a curse, really. [05:04] Alvin     R-Really? [05:05] Carla     It'll just kill you if     we get 300 meters apart. [05:09] Alvin     K-Kill me... [05:15] Carla     G-Gosh... I know you're grateful,     but you don't have to grovel. [05:19] Carla     It's a little off-putting, really. [05:21] Alvin     I'm not grateful, I'm despondent! [05:24] Alvin     What am I supposed to do?! [05:25] Alvin     I can't ditch you like this! [05:27] Carla     Th-That's awful! [05:28] Carla     You were just having your fun with me?! [05:30] Alvin     I assure you, none of this is fun for me! [05:32] Mostly Bear     Would you two please calm down, gao? [05:35] Alvin     Who's that? [05:36] Mostly Bear     It's not good to fight, kuma. [05:38] Mostly Bear     Alvin-san. [05:40] Mostly Bear     It's really not nice to yell     at a young lady, bear. [05:43] Mostly Bear     And, Carla-chan, you could be a bit     more considerate of his feelings, gao. [05:47] Mostly Bear     It's important for a     party to be civil, kuma. [05:50] Mostly Bear     Let's talk it out, bear. [05:52] Mostly Bear     Okay, gao? [05:54] Alvin     Where'd this articulate     commentary come from?! [05:56] Alvin     And get your speech tic consistent already! [06:03] Carla     Ahem! [06:04] Carla     This cycle of abuse won't get us anywhere. [06:06] Carla     I'm willing to open a dialogue. [06:08] Carla     The topic is... [06:09] Carla     The tendency of warriors     to look down on healers! [06:12] Alvin     Sorry to interrupt already, [06:14] Alvin     but I have objections regarding this topic. [06:16] Alvin     And I'm curious about one other thing... [06:18] Carla     Does the accused have a statement? [06:20] Alvin     Well, now I have another objection... [06:22] Alvin     But setting that aside for now... [06:24] Alvin     Why is the magibeast a part of this? [06:27] Carla     Oh, how reprehensible! [06:29] Carla     Just because you're a magibeast, [06:31] Carla     he doesn't want to give you     a voice in the conversation! [06:34] Alvin     It's more the fact that we     were fighting a minute ago! [06:37] Carla     Truly reprehensible! [06:38] Carla     Magibeasts are living things, just as we are! [06:41] Carla     Different though our forms may be, if only     we would join hands in the spirit of kinship, [06:45] Carla     we could surely achieve understanding! [06:47] Alvin     Seems a little late to pull     out the "holy woman" act! [06:53] Mostly Bear     May I, kuma? [06:55] Alvin     He has a proposal? [06:56] Carla     I'm told that the longest-lived magibeasts [06:59] Carla     have high intelligence and     a wealth of experience. [07:03] Alvin     Well, maybe if we're talking     about dragons and stuff... [07:06] Alvin     Before you give your opinion,     could we have your name? [07:10] Mostly Bear     Oh, forgive my rudeness, gao. [07:13] Mostly Bear     Hmm... Our species doesn't have what your     kind refer to as "names," kuma... [07:19] Alvin     Despite the high intelligence, he still     can't keep the speech tic consistent. [07:23] Mostly Bear     But your kind tends to call our     species the "Mostly Bear," bear. [07:29] Alvin     That's pretty darn lazy! [07:31] Carla     What were you going to say, Mostly-san? [07:33] Mostly Bear     Oh, yes, kuma. [07:35] Mostly Bear     It occurred to me when I was watching     your conversation earlier... [07:38] Mostly Bear     First, Carla-chan. [07:40] Mostly Bear     Your healer class is a very     vulnerable one, kuma. [07:45] Mostly Bear     The purpose of the warrior     class is to protect you. [07:49] Mostly Bear     So if he dies, that would     put you in danger, as well. [07:53] Mostly Bear     You seem like a very intelligent person, [07:55] Mostly Bear     so I'm sure you know what that     indicates for your behavior, right? [08:00] Mostly Bear     And Alvin-san, the accused. [08:03] Alvin     "Accused"... [08:04] Mostly Bear     Even if you were engaged in combat, [08:05] Mostly Bear     you used extremely abusive language     towards someone you'd just met. [08:09] Mostly Bear     The way you spoke seemed to suggest, [08:10] Mostly Bear     "all healers are expected to heal all warriors,     even ones they've just met," [08:15] Mostly Bear     which is a very arrogant attitude, kuma. [08:17] Mostly Bear     Elves are very sensitive     to negative emotions, gao. [08:20] Mostly Bear     It's very possible she picked     up on that hostility, bear. [08:26] Mostly Bear     I'm sorry to subject you to     this awful lecture, gao. [08:30] Mostly Bear     But if you're going to be a party,     that means you'll need each other! [08:34] Mostly Bear     And it appears, Alvin-san,     that you'll have to remain [08:37] Mostly Bear     within 300 meters of Carla-chan     for the foreseeable future. [08:40] Mostly Bear     I think it's important to approach each day     with a spirit of respect and gratitude, kuma! [08:45] Alvin     A-A truly great speech, as expected of a     magibeast that can speak the human tongue. [08:48] Alvin     His long lifespan has afforded     him great wisdom indeed! [08:54] Alvin     Hey! [08:55] Alvin     Were you sleeping through     that whole nice speech?! [08:58] Carla     Of course I wasn't! [09:00] Alvin     You were so! [09:01] Carla     Don't tell me... you've never     heard of "sleep learning"? [09:05] Alvin     So you were sleeping! [09:07] Alvin     Sit down right now! [09:08] Carla     But why— [09:09] Alvin     Just sit down! [09:11] Carla     Fine... [09:12] Alvin     What exactly is your problem? [09:14] Alvin     It's like you don't even     care that you cursed me! [09:17] Mostly Bear     Calm down, kuma! [09:19] Alvin     No way! There are some kinds of people     where you need to take a firm hand! [09:23] Mostly Bear     Now, now, gao... [09:24] Alvin     And what kind of thoughtless jerk falls     asleep when someone's talking to them?! [09:28] Mostly Bear     Now, now, kuma... [09:29] Alvin     That's only allowed when     it's the school principal! [09:33] Mostly Bear     Now, now! That's not good either, bear! [09:35] Carla     What about your local representative?! [09:37] Alvin     Napping in front of government     officials is strictly forbidden! [09:40] Mostly Bear     Napping in front of your principal     should be strictly forbidden, too, kuma! [09:44] Mostly Bear     And what are you even talking about, bear? [09:46] Alvin     This magibeast has lived a     very long time, you know! [09:49] Mostly Bear     Er... [09:50] Alvin     Which means he's your elder! SIGN    m 0 0 l 200 0 l 200 136 l 0 136 SIGN    m 0 0 l 200 0 l 200 136 l 0 136 SIGN    Dark Elf (Female)     72 Years Old     (14-15 in Human Years) [09:52] Alvin     You should show him some respect! [09:54] Alvin     Am I right here?! [09:55] Alvin     It's important to be kind to your elders! SIGN    m 0 0 l 200 0 l 200 136 l 0 136 SIGN    m 0 0 l 200 0 l 200 136 l 0 136 SIGN    Mostly Bear     324 Years Old     (43-44 in Human Years) SIGN    m 0 0 l 200 0 l 200 136 l 0 136 SIGN    m 0 0 l 200 0 l 200 136 l 0 136 SIGN    Human (Male)     30 Years Old     (7-8 in Warrior Lv.) [09:58] Alvin     Honor thy grandmother and grandfather! [10:02] Mostly Bear     Never discuss a lady's age, gao! [10:17] Carla     My legs! [10:20] Carla     Paralyze! [10:22] Carla     Paralyze is not paradise! [10:24] Mostly Bear     Oh, dear, kuma! [10:27] Mostly Bear     What do I do, gao? [10:30] Mostly Bear     What to do... What to do, gao?! [10:35] Mostly Bear     Kuma! [10:37] Mostly Bear     Behold the fearsome power     of the magibeast, bear! [10:41] Carla     J-Just kill me... [11:03] Alvin     I feel like I've been through     a serious ordeal... [11:07] Mostly Bear     Oh, thank goodness! [11:08] Mostly Bear     You're awake, bear? [11:10] Mostly Bear     I just picked you some aurange fruits. [11:13] Mostly Bear     Try one. It'll perk you right up, gao. [11:17] Alvin     Thanks... [11:19] Alvin     This is great! [11:22] Alvin     Is this your house? [11:24] Mostly Bear     Yes, it's my burrow. [11:26] Alvin     Burrow? [11:27] Mostly Bear     I'm just so glad you're alive, bear! [11:30] Mostly Bear     A hit like that really could     have killed you, kuma. [11:34] Mostly Bear     Of course, I'm the one     that inflicted it, gao... [11:37] Alvin     I didn't realize you were actually a woman. [11:40] Alvin     I'm sorry for speaking so rudely. [11:44] Mostly Bear     I'm sorry, too, bear. [11:46] Alvin     So, are you the one who     nursed me back to health? [11:48] Mostly Bear     It wasn't me, kuma. [11:51] Mostly Bear     She seems to have her own     feelings on the subject. [11:55] Mostly Bear     Carla-chan spent the entire time treating     you with healing spells, bear. [11:59] Alvin     Healing spells? [12:02] Carla     Is it morning already? [12:04] Carla     I'd like bread for breakfast. [12:06] Carla     And I like my coffee with     lots of milk and sugar, [12:09] Carla     and honey on my yogurt. [12:12] Alvin     You're a picky one, huh? [12:14] Alvin     And that outfit... I know what that's for! SIGN    Picture shown for          illustration purpose only.          Actual Carlas may vary. SIGN    Picture shown for          illustration purpose only.          Actual Carlas may vary. [12:17] Carla     Harattama! Kiyottama! [12:17] Alvin     It's for pounding nails into     an effigy to curse someone! [12:19] Carla     Let this curse never be lifted! [12:25] Mostly Bear     You were in such awful shape, bear. [12:27] Mostly Bear     The first healing spell didn't suffice, [12:29] Mostly Bear     so she had to keep doing it, gao. [12:32] Alvin     That's a scary number of pins! [12:33] Mostly Bear     She called it a kind of     magical acupuncture, gao. [12:37] Mostly Bear     But you can see your wounds     have healed, bear. [12:40] Mostly Bear     That's all thanks to Carla-chan, kuma! [12:42] Alvin     I seem all right... for now... [12:44] Alvin     But I'm not letting my guard down! [12:47] Carla     Breakfast... [12:50] Alvin     Hey. [13:00] Mostly Bear     Gracious me... [13:01] Mostly Bear     She's so relieved, she's crying, bear. [13:04] Carla     I'morra bufeburoo... [13:06] Alvin     You seem to be crying in     a very self-serving way. [13:09] Carla     I'm so sor— [13:11] Carla     I'm so sowwy. [13:13] Alvin     Why did you change it halfway?! [13:14] Carla     I did the best I could to     cast healing spells on you. [13:18] Carla     But the damage was just so bad. [13:20] Carla     I did manage to fix your body... [13:23] Carla     but your face was so unsightly... [13:24] Alvin     Phrasing, plea— [13:26] Alvin     Wait, my face? [13:27] Carla     The wounds on your face were so bad, [13:28] Carla     and I, at least, wanted to get the     general layout back to normal... [13:31] Alvin     Did she have to reshape it? [13:33] Carla     I got it as close as I could     to your original face... [13:36] Carla     But it just didn't work out, and... [13:37] Carla     Now your face looks really stupid! [13:41] Alvin     Complex burn? [13:42] Mostly Bear     I'm afraid it's not even half-baked. [13:45] Alvin     Huh? Was that supposed to be a joke? [13:48] Alvin     You dropped your speech tic, too. [13:49] Mostly Bear     Your face just looked so awful, kuma... [13:52] Mostly Bear     There was just nothing we could do, gao. [13:54] Alvin     Phrasing, please! [13:55] Mostly Bear     Have a look, bear. [13:57] Alvin     You have a hand mirror? [13:59] Mostly Bear     A lady has to look her best! [14:01] Alvin     Magibeasts care about that? [14:03] Alvin     But, okay... [14:05] Alvin     It sounds like the wounds on     my face haven't fully healed? [14:08] karly     I'm so sowwy... [14:10] Alvin     You like that phrasing, huh? [14:12] Alvin     You said there was nothing you could do,     but it felt perfectly fine to me... [14:18] Alvin     What?! [14:20] Mostly Bear     Please don't hold it     against Carla-chan, bear! [14:24] Mostly Bear     She worked so hard to     restore your face, kuma... [14:28] Mostly Bear     But she lacked the sheer magic power... [14:29] Mostly Bear     And it turned out just     barely passable, bear... [14:34] Mostly Bear     Carla-chan, please don't cry! [14:38] Carla     I mean, I'd never even seen what Alvin-san's     face looked like before this... [14:43] Mostly Bear     It's not your fault, bear. [14:45] Mostly Bear     If you wish to hate someone, hate me! [14:47] Mostly Bear     Hate me, a magibeast, kuma! [14:50] Alvin     Actually, it looks exactly     like it always did... [14:54] Mostly Bear     I'm used to being hated by your kind, kuma! [14:57] Mostly Bear     It's all my fault, gao! [14:58] Carla     No, it's my fault! [15:00] Carla     If only I had been stronger! [15:03] Alvin     I'm telling you, it's back to normal! [15:05] Alvin     And I look pretty healthy at that! [15:15] Alvin     I'm telling you... [15:16] Alvin     my face looks totally like it always did! [15:19] Carla     Thank goodness! You're awake! [15:22] Alvin     I've been awake! [15:23] Alvin     Are you gonna pretend like     none of that ever happened? [15:25] Carla     After injuries of such severity... [15:27] Carla     This is truly a miracle of God! [15:29] Alvin     What was all that about     me having a stupid face? [15:31] Carla     Go, go, God! Viva God! [15:34] Alvin     What was that "barely passable" stuff? [15:36] Carla     And go, me, too! Viva Carla! [15:39] Mostly Bear     Gao! [15:44] Mostly Bear     I'll leave your mantle here, gao. [15:46] Alvin     Thanks. [15:48] Alvin     You seem to have a lot of equipment here. [15:51] Mostly Bear     Well, I was quite a wild one in my youth. [15:55] Mostly Bear     I picked more than my share of fights     with adventurers back then, bear. [15:59] Mostly Bear     They're a bit like trophies from     that time in my life, gao. [16:02] Alvin     Oh? [16:05] Alvin     I guess a person's personality     changes when they get ol— [16:09] Alvin     Ol... Ol... Ol... [16:11] Alvin     Oleander, a type of tree! [16:16] Mostly Bear     You're such a considerate person, kuma. [16:20] Mostly Bear     I think you and Carla-chan     will get along well. [16:23] Alvin     I really wish I could agree with you there! [16:26] Mostly Bear     Give it your best, bear. [16:31] Carla     This feels really right. [16:41] Carla     In the name of God, I'll punish you! [16:44] Carla     Holy Beam! [16:50] sign     m 0 0 l 100 0 l 100 45 l 0 45 [16:50] sign     Alvin's     Mantle [16:57] Mostly Bear     You're leaving already, bear? [16:59] Alvin     Yeah. [17:00] Mostly Bear     Y-You're sure you wouldn't     like to stay longer, kuma? [17:04] Mostly Bear     It feels like we were brought     together for a reason, gao... [17:07] Mostly Bear     You could always stay the night, bear. [17:10] Alvin     You know I can't do that. [17:12] Alvin     I'm a person. You're a magibeast. [17:14] Alvin     We didn't belong together     in the first place! [17:18] Mostly Bear     I... I suppose, gao. [17:21] Alvin     But I'll warn you—I'm quite a sore loser! [17:24] Alvin     You took me by surprise this time. [17:26] Alvin     But next time, you won't get me so easily! [17:28] Mostly Bear     Bear? [17:29] Alvin     I'll be back for a rematch very soon! [17:32] Alvin     And you'd better be ready when I do! [17:37] Alvin     You get it? [17:38] Mostly Bear     G-Gao! [17:42] Mostly Bear     Ha, ha, ha, ha! [17:44] Mostly Bear     Kuma! Kuma, kuma! [17:47] Mostly Bear     You are quite a spirited human, gao! [17:49] Mostly Bear     Very well! [17:50] Mostly Bear     When you come for me,     I'll give you quite a welcome, bear! [17:53] Alvin     I'll be counting on it. [17:55] Alvin     In the meantime, get that     speech tic consistent! [17:58] Mostly Bear     Kuma, kuma, kuma! [18:05] Carla     Stop this right now! [18:07] Mostly Bear     You beared me, gao! [18:09] Alvin     What is it? What's wrong? [18:10] Carla     What do you think? [18:13] Carla     Why... Why do you have to fight?! [18:16] Carla     Why... after we'd finally become friends... [18:19] Mostly Bear     Now, wait a minute, kuma... [18:20] Carla     Why do you have to swear to fight again? [18:24] Alvin     Seriously, read the mood... [18:24] Mostly Bear     Seriously, read the mood, gao... [18:27] Carla     I thought we'd finally found proof that     magibeasts and humans could get along... [18:31] Alvin     But we do get along! [18:32] Alvin     This is just kind of...     a face-saving thing... [18:36] Alvin     I really wish you'd just read the mood... [18:38] Carla     Why can't you ever stop hating     and harming each other?! [18:41] Alvin     It's really not like that! [18:42] Alvin     We really do get along! [18:44] Alvin     We're just pretending to be enemies,     for appearances' sake... [18:47] Alvin     I'm pretty sure you're not     supposed to explain this stuff. [18:49] Alvin     It feels super embarrassing... [18:51] Carla     You can't fool me! [18:54] Carla     You were injured, and Mostly-san     brought you all this way... [18:59] Carla     She's your benefactor...     Your bearnefactor! [19:04] Carla     But you can't even be grateful! [19:07] Carla     That said, I'm the one who     actually healed you... [19:11] Carla     So, in a way, I'm the one who     deserves most of the credit... [19:16] Carla     Not that it's all that big a deal... [19:19] Carla     But I really feel like you should show [19:22] Carla     a little gratitude and respect to     the person who helped you out... [19:27] Mostly Bear     Bear? [19:28] Carla     Of course, it's not like I picked this     class to have people indebted to me... [19:34] Carla     But if you really wanted to     express your gratitude to me, [19:39] Carla     I suppose I wouldn't turn you down... [19:44] Carla     So if you wanted to give this mace     to me, I wouldn't turn it down. [19:49] Carla     I certainly wouldn't turn it down! SIGN    Give me a reward! [19:52] Carla     Thanks a bunch! [20:02] Alvin     So you just took it, huh? [20:05] Carla     As compensation for my services, of course. [20:07] Alvin     It felt more like you fast-talked     your way into it, to me... [20:11] Alvin     Anyway, how long does this     "I die if we split up" curse last? [20:15] Alvin     Isn't there any way to lift it? [20:20] Alvin     Everything you do ticks me off! [20:23] Alvin     Every wave! Every step! [20:26] Alvin     I guess we're stuck together     for a while, then! [20:29] Carla     Indeed. To my great displeasure. [20:31] Alvin     The displeasure is all mine,     I can promise you that! [20:34] Alvin     But ah, well. [20:36] Alvin     You remember how I promised I'd do one     thing you asked if you helped me? [20:40] Carla     Yes. [20:41] Alvin     You saved me from my serious injuries. [20:43] Alvin     So I'll do what you asked. [20:44] Alvin     I'll form a party with you! [20:47] Alvin     Look after me. [20:49] Carla     S... Same to you. [20:53] Alvin     That hurt! [20:55] Carla     Oh, I didn't mean... [20:57] Carla     I guess you're pretty sad you didn't     get to hold a girl's hand, though. [21:01] Alvin     What was that?! [21:02] Carla     Yelling won't erase the     fact that I was right! [21:06] Alvin     Trying to prove my innocence     is annoying, too! [21:10] Carla     Tee-hee! SIGN    Don't Hurt Me, SIGN    Don't Hurt Me, SIGN    My Healer! [22:27] Carla     By the way, Alvin-hyan... [22:29] Alvin     What is it, Carla-hyan? [22:31] Carla     Where are we staying tonight? [22:34] Carla     It'll be morning by the     time we reach a town. [22:38] Alvin     Not sure... [22:40] Carla     Mostly-san offered to let us stay     the night and everything... [22:43] Alvin     You... [22:44] Alvin     After all that posturing,     there's no way I could've stayed the night! [22:48] Alvin     And it would be way too     embarrassing to go back now... [22:51] Carla     Alvin-san? [22:54] Alvin     What now? [22:55] Carla     I'm suddenly getting a very     keen and powerful intuition... [22:59] Carla     You're actually extremely      incompetent, aren't you? [23:02] Carla     You can't even object? [23:05] Carla     Bingo. [23:06] Alvin     You're quite sure of yourself, huh? [23:07] Carla     But don't worry, Alvin-san!     I'm with you! [23:12] Carla     Just leave everything to me! SIGN    Next Time [23:25] Alvin     Next episode's title is [23:27] Alvin     "Forced to travel     with Carla, a healer, [23:29] Alvin     Alvin resumes his original quest     to gather antidote herbs, [23:34] Alvin     but on the way he ends up getting     attacked in a graveyard by ghosts [23:36] Alvin     which they manage to escape     unexpectedly, but then..." SIGN    "Forced to travel with Carla, a healer, Alvin resumes his original     quest to gather antidote herbs, but on the way he ends up getting     attacked in a graveyard by ghosts which they manage to escape     unexpectedly, but then fall into a trap set by goblins and basically     the first half of the episode is filled with great suffering but Carla's     curse is still in effect so he can't get away from her and there's     even more suffering in store nevertheless and anyway these titles     are really long and kind of serve double-duty as next episode     previews and we're pretty curious about how many people     actually listen to the whole thing and that's the deal with episode 2" SIGN    See you then! E2 - Forced to travel with Carla, a healer... Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) [00:01] Alvin     Behold, the vast world in which we live! [00:04] Alvin     It is rampant with monsters     that threaten human life. [00:10] Alvin     This threat is opposed by     countless adventurers! Heroes! [00:17] Alvin     Every day, they face these     dangerous battles... [00:21] Alvin     To protect the people! To protect the world! [00:27] Alvin     And I, Alvin, am one of them! [00:32] alvin     Now in a party with Carla, the healer, [00:35] alvin     my journey continues! SIGN    Don't Hurt Me, SIGN    Don't Hurt Me, SIGN    My Healer! SIGN    "Forced to travel with Carla, a healer..." [02:20] Alvin     I'm pretty sure this is the right way... [02:23] Carla     Where exactly are we going,     and what are we doing, Alvin-san? [02:29] Alvin     We're gathering antidote herbs. [02:31] Alvin     It's a quest I received from     the Adventurers Guild. [02:33] Alvin     My fight with the Mostly Bear kept me     from reaching my destination yesterday. [02:46] Carla     Gathering antidote herbs? [02:48] Carla     That's a quest for beginners, isn't it? [02:50] Carla     That should be just the right level of difficulty     for a rookie adventurer like you, Alvin-san. [02:56] Alvin     Aren't you a healer? [02:58] Alvin     Shouldn't the things you say     make people feel better? [03:00] Alvin     Freaking hell. [03:01] Alvin     If not for that stupid curse,     I'd have ditched her ages ago! [03:05] Carla     Alvin-san. [03:07] Carla     Are you certain that this is the right way? [03:12] Alvin     Yeah, it should be right down this road. [03:14] Carla     Does that mean we'll have     to pass through there? [03:55] Carla     Alvin-san, to your right! [03:58] Carla     Now, to the north-northwest! [04:00] Carla     Not that way!     Twenty degrees right diagonal! [04:03] Carla     Now! At eight o'clock     plus fifty-two minutes! [04:08] Carla     Next, the ox-tiger direction! [04:11] Carla     What's wrong?     Are you hard of hearing? [04:14] Carla     Hey! [04:15] Alvin     Your instructions are impossible to f— [04:19] Alvin     Are you having a picnic?! [04:23] Alvin     What's wrong with you? [04:25] Alvin     How can you be drinking     tea while I'm fighting? [04:29] Alvin     Say something! [04:30] Carla     I'm just taking a little break. [04:32] Alvin     You've got a whole brunch setup on here! [04:35] Carla     You don't have to be so mad... [04:37] Carla     I made enough sandwiches     for you, too, Alvin-san. [04:39] Alvin     That's not what I'm mad about! [04:41] Carla     And I ate them! [04:42] Alvin     Now that I'm mad about! [04:46] Alvin     We can't move on until we     beat these guys, remember? [04:51] GhostA     Feels a little chilly today, huh? [04:53] GhostB     Must be a ghost thing, huh? [04:56] Alvin     But I'm stuck here fighting all on my own... [04:59] Alvin     Couldn't you help me out a little? [05:03] Alvin     What's with that expression? [05:05] Carla     You're aware that physical attacks     don't work on ghosts, right? [05:10] Carla     You need silver weapons or magic. [05:15] Alvin     Is that true? [05:17] Carla     Oh, I'm so sorry! [05:20] Alvin     Hey, where's this coming from?! [05:22] Carla     I knew you were a beginner, and yet... [05:26] Carla     If only I'd told you that in advance, [05:29] Carla     you wouldn't have been forced to     humiliate yourself like this! [05:31] Ghost     How embarrassing. [05:33] Alvin     I... I didn't humiliate myself! [05:35] Alvin     Everyone makes a mistake     or two in their life! [05:38] Alvin     And besides, this is my     first time fighting ghosts! [05:42] Carla     Hey, calm down already. [05:44] Alvin     Calm down?! You little... [05:47] Carla     That way you were dancing... [05:52] Carla     I mean, the way you were fighting     earlier looked really cool! [05:55] Carla     With moves like that,     you could get into the circus! [05:57] Alvin     What am I, a clown to you?! [05:59] Carla     You should take it as a compliment! [06:00] Carla     They make laughingstocks out of themselves     just to give other people a good time! [06:05] Alvin     I wasn't trying to give     other people a good time! [06:07] Alvin     Sheesh. Like she knows so     much about everything... [06:10] Alvin     If you're going to lecture me,     you could at least try to contribute! [06:13] Carla     Excuse me? Have you forgotten my class? [06:17] Alvin     Stress-maker? [06:19] Carla     Harrumph! [06:20] Carla     At least call me a stress goddess! [06:23] Alvin     You see what I mean? [06:25] Carla     It's quite obvious that I am a healer. [06:28] Carla     In other words, a holy woman! [06:29] Alvin     Big doubts there! [06:30] Carla     I exist to bring comfort to lost souls. [06:33] Alvin     What? So you'll unleash a     light spell or something? [06:37] Carla     Hopeless child. So quick to     solve everything with violence! [06:41] Carla     It's so sad! [06:42] Alvin     "Sad" certainly describes how I'm feeling... [06:44] Carla     Sad! [06:46] Alvin     Seriously, drop it. [06:48] Carla     Ghosts are fated to wander this     world due to unfinished business. [06:53] Carla     All we need to do is resolve     whatever's bothering them. [06:56] GhostC     I see! [06:58] Alvin     And you think you can do that? [07:00] Carla     I think if I just hear out their stories, [07:02] Carla     and say things like "poor thing!" and     "that's pretty rough!" they'll pass on. [07:08] Carla     Easy-peasy. [07:09] Alvin     What is this, a girls' night out? [07:10] Carla     We'll start with you. [07:12] GhostD     What, me? [07:14] Carla     Do you have any regrets in life? [07:16] GhostD     Y-Yes... [07:18] GhostD     I was twenty years old when I died. [07:21] GhostD     It happened just two weeks after     getting my first girlfriend! [07:25] Carla     Poor thing! That's pretty rough! [07:28] Carla     Super-bad times! [07:29] Alvin     Don't mock the dead, you holy fraud! [07:32] Alvin     And did you actually say "super-bad times"? [07:34] Carla     Incidentally, Alvin-san is thirty years old, [07:37] Carla     and he says he's never dated a woman. [07:39] Alvin     She mocks the living, too. [07:43] GhostD     Thank you. I guess I was a lucky man! [07:48] Alvin     And now the dead are mocking me. [07:50] GhostE     Excuse me. [07:51] Carla     Yes? [07:52] GhostE     I used to be a warrior. [07:55] GhostE     But I was killed by a golem!     It's so frustrating! [07:59] Carla     Alvin-san, can you defeat a golem? [08:02] Alvin     Well, I was hoping to face     one sooner or later. [08:05] Alvin     But right now, five slimes     is about the best I can do. [08:11] GhostE     Five slimes?! [08:13] GhostE     Scrub! I'm ded! Trollolol! [08:16] Alvin     I thought so! [08:17] Carla     Incredible! [08:19] Carla     We're sending them all to their final rest! [08:22] Carla     And laughing as they go! [08:23] Alvin     He was laughing at me! [08:25] Carla     You might have a future in this, Alvin-san! [08:28] Alvin     A future? What kind? [08:30] Carla     It takes an exceptional person     to help a ghost rest in peace! [08:33] Carla     I think you really have what it takes! [08:36] Carla     Are you light-element affiliated? [08:38] Carla     O Warrior of Light! [08:40] Carla     O Holy Knight! [08:41] Alvin     Hey, lay off... [08:43] Carla     O Circus Performer? [08:44] Alvin     I'm not a clown! [08:49] Alvin     Well, we made it through the graveyard, [08:53] Alvin     but now I'm exhausted. [08:54] Carla     We could have stayed there longer and helped     all the ghosts find their final rest. SIGN    Alvin, Warrior of Light,     offers free passage     to the next life!! [09:06] Alvin     Don't be stupid! [09:07] Alvin     I'm a warrior, start to finish! [09:09] Alvin     I'm not about to change classes! [09:11] Carla     I feel like it's a waste of your     talent, but if you insist. [09:14] Carla     It's a common saying: "A person's ambitions     don't always match their talents." [09:19] Alvin     Imagine I said the exact same thing to you. [09:22] Alvin     Now, let's go. [09:24] Alvin     We still haven't finished our quest! [09:30] Carla     Alvin-san? [09:33] Carla     Alvin-san? [09:35] Alvin     People tend to think of gathering     antidote herbs as an easy quest, [09:40] Alvin     but there are many things     you need to watch out for. [09:42] Alvin     This forest, in particular,     is rife with goblins! [09:46] Alvin     They're not strong, but they're tricky! [09:49] Alvin     If you're not careful,     you'll end up in a goblin trap! [09:55] Alvin     Like I just did. [10:11] Carla     Are you all right?! [10:13] Alvin     Is that how you check on someone? [10:16] Carla     Thank goodness! I was so worried! [10:19] Alvin     You seem pretty relaxed to me! [10:21] Carla     How are you feeling? [10:23] Alvin     I feel extremely ashamed. [10:25] Carla     One of those, "I'd like to crawl into a     hole and never come out" feelings, right? [10:30] Carla     Well, I guess you succeeded there! [10:33] Alvin     Could you please be quiet? [10:35] Carla     Can you get out? [10:37] Alvin     I'll try. [10:40] Alvin     This won't be easy. [10:42] Alvin     The ground breaks apart too easily. [10:44] Alvin     There wouldn't happen to be something     like a rope around, would there? [10:47] Carla     Something like a rope? [10:49] Carla     You mean like intestines? [10:50] Alvin     That idea is insane! [10:51] Alvin     Not even a necromancer would     come up with "intestines" [10:55] Alvin     when asked for something like a rope! [10:57] Carla     But you can't expect a rope     to just fall into my lap. [11:01] Alvin     And you think intestines would?! [11:04] Alvin     A vine from the trees would be just as good! [11:05] Alvin     Could you please just hurry? [11:07] Alvin     If a monster shows up now,     I'm a sitting duck! [11:10] Carla     Very well! [11:12] Carla     I'll go searching. [11:13] Alvin     Hey! Don't go too far! [11:16] Alvin     Remember, I'll die if we     get 300 meters apart! [11:20] Carla     Were you waiting long? [11:22] Alvin     Not long at all, actually! [11:24] Carla     That exchange just now... [11:27] Carla     It sounded like a couple     meeting up for a date. [11:29] Carla     Unpleasant. [11:30] Alvin     What in the world... [11:31] Alvin     And did you even look? [11:34] Carla     I'm sorry. [11:36] Carla     I didn't see anything that     looked like intestines. [11:38] Alvin     That sounds like a good thing. [11:40] Carla     But I did run into a person,     so I called them here. [11:43] Carla     Right over here! [11:44] Alvin     A person? In this forest? [11:47] Carla     He's the one who dug the hole! [11:49] Alvin     That's a freaking goblin! [11:51] Carla     What, is that bad? [11:53] Alvin     Yes, it's very bad! [11:54] Alvin     Why did you call a monster here?! [11:56] Carla     Are you really in a position     to be choosy right now? [12:00] Alvin     You bet your ass I am! [12:01] Alvin     When he looks at me, he sees— [12:04] Alvin     Wait... [12:06] Alvin     Why's he crying? [12:09] Carla     What's wrong, Gobkichi-san? [12:11] Alvin     You're already introduced? [12:12] Carla     Why are you crying? [12:14] Carla     I think Alvin-san is the one     who should be crying! [12:17] Carla     I mean, look at the situation he's in! [12:18] Alvin     No kidding! [12:20] Gobkichi     I dug that hole to catch wild boars... [12:27] Carla     Gobkichi-san... [12:28] Gobkichi     And now... this... [12:30] Gobkichi     I'm so pathetic! [12:33] Carla     Apologize! [12:35] Alvin     Me?! [12:49] Carla     We're almost at the place where     the antidote herbs grow, right? [12:53] Alvin     Hush! [12:54] Alvin     This isn't good... [12:56] Alvin     It's a cyclops! [12:57] Alvin     We've got to get out of     here before he sees us! [13:01] Carla     Wait a minute! [13:02] Carla     Are you sure that's what you want to do? [13:05] Carla     A person can't mature if they avoid     anything that might challenge them. [13:09] Carla     Over time, such people... [13:12] Carla     turn out just like you, Alvin-san! [13:14] Alvin     I'm already like me! [13:16] Carla     That's why we should beat him ourselves! [13:18] Carla     Yeah! [13:19] Alvin     Don't say "yeah!" [13:22] Alvin     I just said that five slimes was my limit! [13:26] Alvin     So... do you have a plan     to beat him or something? [13:29] Carla     I have the ultimate, secret plan known as me! [13:33] Carla     Isn't that nice? [13:34] Alvin     Please keep it a secret forever! [13:36] Alvin     So, what were you intending to do? [13:39] Carla     Tut, tut! [13:40] Carla     Alvin-san. Remember, I'm a healer! SIGN    Ta-da [13:44] Carla     So I'll use summoning magic! [13:46] Alvin     Do healers do that? [13:48] Carla     All the hip, young healers     are into summoning magic! [13:52] Alvin     I wish they were into common sense! [13:55] Alvin     So? What exactly do you intend to summon? [13:58] Carla     Would you like to see what they look like? [14:00] Carla     For the lowest level summoned beast,     I don't even need a ritual. [14:05] Alvin     For real? Sure, show me! [14:07] Alvin     I kind of want to see it! [14:09] Carla     Very well. [14:15] Alvin     Put it back! [14:16] Alvin     What are you?! A servant of the devil?! [14:19] Carla     What do you expect? [14:20] Carla     It's the lowest level kind, after all. [14:24] Carla     With a proper ritual, [14:26] Carla     I can call a proper summoned beast. [14:28] Carla     Although it will take some time... [14:31] Alvin     Now that you mention it, [14:33] Alvin     shouldn't you start summoning right now, [14:35] Alvin     before the Cyclops notices us? [14:37] Carla     I can't do that. No way! [14:40] Alvin     Why not?! [14:41] Carla     It doesn't feel dramatic enough. [14:44] Alvin     It doesn't need to be entertaining! [14:46] Carla     By the way, you've been making a     lot of noise for a while now... [14:50] Alvin     Why do you think that is?! [14:52] Carla     ...so he's already noticed us. [15:04] Alvin     We're... We're not actually ready. [15:06] Cyclops     Oh, okay. I'll wait. [15:08] Alvin     Why's he so damn nice?! [15:09] Alvin     He said he'll wait! [15:11] Carla     No need for that. [15:13] Carla     I've already prepared for the summoning. [15:15] Alvin     What is that?! [15:16] Carla     I'll launch this into the air... [15:19] Carla     and it will travel through dimensions,     and reach the summoned beast! [15:22] Carla     Then the summoned beast will     come running to our aid! [15:24] Carla     It's my brilliantly unique summoning method! [15:28] Carla     Go! [15:37] Alvin     Hey, it's coming back. [15:43] Carla     It's from my summoned beast. [15:45] Carla     "I've been asked to babysit     the neighborhood kids, [15:47] Carla     so I can't come." [15:48] Alvin     How very considerate! [15:50] Cyclops     So? [15:52] Cyclops     You need something from these rocks? [15:54] Alvin     Well... actually... that is... [16:00] Cyclops     So, you're trying to gather antidote herbs? [16:03] Cyclops     You could've just said so earlier! [16:06] Alvin     Well, thanks for showing us the way... [16:08] Cyclops     Well, these rocks are my turf, [16:12] Cyclops     so I know the way better than you. [16:15] Carla     And the antidote herbs are this way? [16:17] Cyclops     Yeah, they're right here. [16:24] Cyclops     Take as many as you like! [16:26] Cyclops     Use them to help someone suffering     the ravages of poison! [16:30] Cyclops     Later! [16:32] Alvin     Thanks again! [16:33] Carla     Thank you so much! [16:36] Alvin     What a nice guy! [16:38] Carla     I'm glad I didn't call that summoned beast. [16:41] Carla     My intuition was right on the money! [16:43] Alvin     You just got lucky! [16:44] Alvin     And I'm feeling pretty good right now,     so could you please not ruin it? [16:54] Alvin     I'm glad we got lots of herbs,     but the sun's down already... [16:58] Alvin     We'll have to camp out tonight. [17:00] Carla     I suppose... [17:02] Alvin     Boy, I'm exhausted. [17:03] Alvin     I'm as exhausted as a man can be! [17:07] Alvin     Since forming a party with Carla, [17:09] Alvin     I've felt forms of exhaustion     I never knew before. [17:12] Alvin     Being in a party is way     harder than I expected. [17:15] Alvin     I figured partying up with a healer     would make everything easier... [17:19] Alvin     That said... is she even really a healer? [17:24] Alvin     She pulled out that creepy     summoned beast earlier today... [17:27] Alvin     Does she even know any proper spells? [17:29] Alvin     I don't think Mostly Bear-san would lie, [17:33] Alvin     so I assume she really did heal me, [17:36] Alvin     but she was also wearing     that weird outfit... [17:39] Alvin     Maybe the reason I'm really     getting so tired so often [17:42] Alvin     is because she's an evil witch     draining my life force? [17:47] Alvin     Maybe, while I still can... [17:49] Alvin     No, no! [17:49] Alvin     Remember, you'll die if you     get 300 meters away from her! [17:52] Alvin     I can't even run away! [17:55] Alvin     Well, it's true that other than the curse     and the mental stress she's caused, [17:59] Alvin     she hasn't done me any harm... [18:01] Alvin     I guess I should just wait     and see a little longer. [18:04] Alvin     Look at her, not even caring how I feel! [18:08] Alvin     What's with all the fidgeting, anyway? [18:12] Carla     Well... at times like these... you know... [18:17] Carla     We're supposed to talk     about who we like, right?! [18:19] Alvin     It's not a dang sleepover! [18:21] Carla     What, it isn't?! [18:23] Alvin     Camping isn't some game! [18:25] Alvin     Dangerous monsters come out at night! [18:27] Alvin     We have to take turns standing watch, [18:29] Alvin     keep our wits about us, and... [18:32] Alvin     What are you laughing about? [18:35] Carla     Oh... I'm sorry. [18:37] Carla     I just found it extremely funny     to receive a high-handed lecture [18:39] Carla     from a person so green     that he fell into a hole. [18:42] Alvin     I really wish you could     work on that phrasing! [18:45] Alvin     Still, you're acting a little goofy now. [18:48] Alvin     Are you enjoying yourself? [18:50] Carla     I wouldn't say that. [18:52] Carla     But this is my first time camping out. [18:57] Carla     So I suppose it feels rather     like a new experience, [19:00] Carla     and I feel kind of like a real adventurer... [19:03] Carla     And I guess it is fun. [19:08] Carla     What about you, Alvin-san? [19:10] Alvin     I've camped out several times. [19:14] Alvin     But I guess it is... my first time     doing it with a real companion. [19:20] Carla     Alvin-san... [19:23] Carla     You don't have any friends? [19:25] Alvin     You don't, either! [19:28] Alvin     Here we go. [19:29] Alvin     Time for bed. [19:30] Carla     It seems a bit early for that. [19:31] Carla     Are you an old man? [19:33] Alvin     It's talking with you that     makes me feel tired! [19:38] Alvin     You seem pretty wide awake,     so I'll rest first. [19:41] Carla     I don't mind, of course. [19:43] Carla     Falling into that hole must have     been very mentally taxing. [19:46] Alvin     The only thing taxing here is you! [19:51] Alvin     Anyway, wake me up in three hours. [19:54] Carla     Understood. [19:55] Carla     In the meantime, I'll... [19:57] Alvin     Stand watch, right? [19:59] Carla     ...sing a song. [20:00] Alvin     Why? [20:03] Carla     What a strange question! [20:05] Alvin     If you wanna talk "strange," let's     talk about how your mind works! [20:07] Alvin     Did your brain short out or something?! [20:09] Carla     Well, I was going to sing a lullaby. [20:11] Carla     Here I go... [20:13] Carla     Despite what you might think,     I really do love singing. [20:15] Alvin     I wish you'd love silence. [20:18] Carla     And they say my singing voice     draws birds out of the skies! [20:23] Alvin     With what, the shock waves? [20:25] Alvin     And you still suck at winking. [20:26] Carla     Please, just trust me and listen! [20:30] Alvin     Well... I might as well give you a chance. [20:37] Carla     Neeryooom! Chugga-chugga-chugga-chug! [20:39] Alvin     Okay, stop! [20:41] Carla     But that was just the intro! [20:43] Alvin     What kind of lullaby has an intro?! [20:45] Alvin     And what kind of lullaby goes that hard?! [20:49] Carla     I'll try a more peaceful one, then. [20:51] Alvin     That should've been your first go-to! [20:54] Carla     I'll begin, then. [20:55] Carla     Go to sleep... Go to sleep... [21:00] Carla     Listen to my calming song... and sleep... [21:08] Alvin     She's not bad. [21:09] Carla     Then fall into the abyss of endless fear, [21:13] Carla     be tormented by nightmares, never waking, [21:17] Carla     as you writhe in agony... [21:19] Alvin     Is this a curse?! [21:20] Carla     How rude! [21:21] Carla     That song was guaranteed     to put you in a slumber! [21:23] Alvin     An eternal slumber, maybe! [21:25] Alvin     I've been wondering since we met, [21:27] Alvin     but are you really even a healer?! [21:34] Alvin     Crap! I yelled too loud     and summoned a monster! [21:39] Beast     Could you people shut up?! [21:41] Beast     Don't you know what time it is?! [21:43] Alvin     He's yelling at us! [21:45] Beast     Get to sleep already! [21:47] Alvin     Yes, sir! SIGN    Next Time [23:25] Carla     Next episode's title is [23:27] Carla     "Despite the terrible time he's been having     during his travels with Carla the healer [23:32] Carla     for two episodes Alvin tries to keep up     his job as a monster-hunting adventurer SIGN    See you then! [23:37] sign     "Despite the terrible time he's been having during his travels with Carla     the healer for two episodes Alvin tries to keep up his job as a     monster-hunting adventurer which I guess shows some pretty impressive     resolve except when he runs into a mushroom monster he challenges     to a fight and it turns out to be tougher than expected and by the way     this won't get mentioned in the series proper but his species is called     matango and you might think it has an adult male voice but also     given how it was drawn in the manga a childish voice might     work too, and it's just one big surprise after another, but the truth is     we actually wrote this title in early 2021 before we cast the voice actor,     so I'm actually looking forward to who's voicing it but anyway there's     more going on than the question of whether Alvin can beat the     mushroom and that's the deal with episode 3." [23:37] Carla     which I guess shows some     pretty impressive resolve..." E3 - Despite the terrible time he's been having... Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) [00:01] Alvin     Behold, the vast world in which we live! [00:04] Alvin     It is rampant with monsters     that threaten human life. [00:10] Alvin     This threat is opposed by     countless adventurers! Heroes! [00:17] Alvin     Every day, they face these     dangerous battles... [00:21] Alvin     To protect the people! To protect the world! [00:27] Alvin     And I, Alvin, am one of them! [00:32] Alvin     Now in a party with Carla, the healer, [00:35] Alvin     my journey continues! SIGN    Don't Hurt Me, SIGN    Don't Hurt Me, SIGN    My Healer! SIGN    Despite the terrible time he's been having... [02:12] Alvin     There's something I've been wondering. [02:15] Carla     What is it? [02:16] Carla     This is very out of the indigo. [02:19] Alvin     Are you really a healer? [02:29] Alvin     I'm talking to you, Carla-san. [02:32] Carla     Me? Of all people? [02:34] Alvin     Who else could there be? [02:36] Carla     Where is this coming from? [02:37] Carla     Are you suggesting I'm not very healer-like? [02:39] Carla     What's not healery about me? [02:40] Alvin     Everything? [02:41] Carla     But I'm so kind! [02:43] Alvin     Objection. [02:44] Carla     Overflowing with motherly instinct! [02:46] Alvin     Objection. [02:47] Carla     Who could ever doubt someone     so soothing to the soul?! [02:50] Alvin     Major bottleneck of objections here! [02:51] Carla     Then let me ask you a question, Alvin-san. [02:53] Carla     What do you think a healer should be like? [02:55] Alvin     Let's see... [02:58] Alvin     A healer should be kind and motherly... [03:01] Alvin     Just being with them should     be soothing to the soul! [03:05] Alvin     Not even close, bud! [03:07] Alvin     Why are you blushing?! [03:09] Alvin     I've never even seen you     use a single proper spell! [03:13] Carla     So if you saw me use one,     you'd believe me then? [03:17] Carla     Would you mind if I broke     a few of your ribs, then? [03:20] Alvin     And there we are! [03:22] Alvin     Behavior unbecoming of a healer! [03:24] Carla     But if you want me to use curative magic, [03:26] Carla     I need you to get hurt... [03:28] Alvin     Then pick another— [03:31] Alvin     Hey, look at that! SIGN    Here I go! Off to slaughter humankind! SIGN    Young and old, men and women! SIGN    All shall fall to the bloodbath! [03:44] Carla     It's a monster. SIGN    Bloodbath! Bloodbath! [03:45] Carla     And a fiendish one, at that. [03:46] Alvin     All right. [03:48] Alvin     I'll go fight him! [03:50] Carla     I see! [03:51] Carla     And then, after you die, I can resurrect you! [03:55] Alvin     That's an interesting     conclusion you jumped to. [03:57] Carla     You think you can beat him, then? [04:00] Alvin     Well... it might not be     an easy victory, but... [04:04] Alvin     In that case, cast an enhancement spell! [04:08] Carla     On the monster?! Are you a masochist? [04:10] Alvin     On me! [04:12] Carla     But I'm not really sure that'll work... [04:15] Alvin     What's this, now? [04:16] Alvin     Are you saying you can't cast it? [04:20] Carla     I'm saying, anything times     zero is still zero. [04:23] Alvin     What is that supposed to mean?! [04:24] Carla     But if that would prove to     you that I'm a healer... [04:28] Alvin     Wait, you can cast it? [04:30] Carla     Now, stand over there! [04:33] Alvin     R-Right... [04:34] Carla     Go on, hop to it! [04:35] Alvin     F-Fine... [04:39] Alvin     Do I really need to be this far away? [04:42] Carla     I haven't done this in a while,     so in case it goes wrong... [04:45] Alvin     Hang on a minute! [04:45] Alvin     What's going to go wrong?! [04:46] Alvin     What are you expecting to go wrong?! [04:46] Carla     I think if I just pray... like this... [04:52] Alvin     Hey, are you listening?! [04:54] Carla     I go like this, and... [04:57] Carla     I did it! [04:59] Alvin     Hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it! [05:01] Carla     Now I throw it at you... [05:03] Alvin     You throw it?! [05:04] Alvin     That obvious manifestation of     your black and twisted soul?! [05:07] Carla     Alvin-san! [05:09] Carla     There's no need to worry! [05:12] Alvin     Are you sure? [05:14] Carla     You'll be just fine! [05:17] Alvin     I don't believe you! [05:31] Carla     Well? Are you convinced? [05:33] Alvin     I'm convinced that you're unhinged! [05:43] Carla     Actually, there's something     I've been wondering, too. [05:47] Carla     It's a question that keeps me up at night. [05:51] Alvin     I guess you've got a lot more     sleepless nights in store. [05:57] Alvin     Boy, I'm hungry. [05:59] Alvin     I guess it's just about lunchtime. [06:01] Carla     Stare... [06:06] Carla     Stare... [06:11] Carla     Stare... [06:15] Alvin     Fine, I'll ask! [06:16] Alvin     Just stop staring like that! [06:20] Alvin     So? What were you wondering about? [06:23] Carla     It's about you, Alvin-san! [06:25] Alvin     Y-You mean... as a love interest? [06:28] Carla     I'm suing. [06:29] Alvin     Don't bring the law into this! [06:31] Alvin     It was just a joke, anyway. [06:32] Carla     What I'm wondering about is your strength. [06:36] Alvin     My strength? [06:37] Carla     You've claimed that your strength     is on the level of a slug... [06:41] Alvin     First I've heard of it. [06:42] Carla     But the people who claim     that they're the weakest [06:45] Carla     are often actually very strong! [06:48] Alvin     Well, I'm genuinely not that strong... [06:51] Carla     Enough false modesty! [06:52] Carla     In order to properly gauge     your slug-like strength, [06:56] Carla     I'd like you to fight this fellow here! SIGN    Yo! [07:01] Alvin     Hey! You're the one from before! [07:04] Alvin     You survived? [07:06] Carla     You can't die from an enhancement spell. [07:09] Alvin     Are you saying it was actually     an enhancement spell? [07:11] Alvin     Then why in the world did we     hold that little funeral? SIGN    Surprised, are you? SIGN    Barely recognize me, do you? SIGN    Having endured that ominous enhancement spell, SIGN    and returned from the abyss of death, SIGN    I am truly unrecognizable! [07:25] Alvin     So he did almost die! [07:27] Carla     The spell relies on the "what doesn't     kill you makes you stronger" principle. [07:31] Carla     Probably. [07:32] Alvin     Please don't cast spells     based on speculation! SIGN    Well? Wanna fight?! [07:38] Alvin     He seriously looks about the same as before. [07:40] Alvin     What exactly about him did you enhance? [07:47] Carla     His flavor. [07:50] Alvin     I might just stand a chance here. SIGN    H-Hang on a minute here! SIGN    Are you sure you didn't enhance anything else? SIGN    My toughness? My speed?! [08:00] Carla     Your mouthfeel, maybe? SIGN    You view me as an ingredient? SIGN    Were you just planning to eat me from the start? SIGN    Damn it! [08:07] Alvin     That wasn't in my plan! SIGN    I won't be made your dinner's main dish that easily! [08:13] Carla     I'd love to boil you with rice! [08:14] Alvin     What are you talking about? SIGN    Take this! [08:23] Alvin     A smokescreen?! [08:24] Alvin     No, this is... [08:26] Alvin     Poison! [08:29] Carla     Alvin-san! [08:30] Alvin     Fool! Stay back! [08:31] Alvin     These are poisonous spores! [08:33] Carla     Did you say poison? [08:35] Carla     Indeed, it would be dangerous to approach... [08:39] Carla     Perhaps I'll just turn in for the day... [08:41] Alvin     Come here, damn it! [08:43] Carla     One moment you're telling me     to stay back, and the next... [08:47] Carla     What an unparalleled ego! [08:49] Carla     You've shown your true colors. [08:51] Carla     Sad! [08:54] Alvin     Look, I'm sorry about that. [08:57] Alvin     I didn't expect you to be so prepared     that you even brought a gas mask! [09:01] Carla     Meanwhile, I'm shocked that you entered the     forest without a single anti-poison measure. [09:07] Carla     Are you an amateur? [09:09] Alvin     I never expected you to     best me in an argument. [09:14] Alvin     Damn. I must have breathed some in... [09:17] Carla     Are you all right? [09:19] Alvin     Do you have an antidote spell? [09:21] Carla     Yes, leave it to me. [09:25] Carla     I'll put you out of your misery. [09:27] Alvin     That means removing the poison, right? [09:30] Carla     All jokes aside, [09:32] Carla     I can use an antidote spell, [09:34] Carla     but I'd prefer to preserve my magic power, [09:38] Carla     so I'll use an item instead. [09:41] Alvin     The antidote herbs we collected earlier? [09:43] Carla     Yes. [09:45] Carla     Though I could also use some     of those weeds over there. [09:48] Alvin     Why are you making this a choice? [09:51] Carla     I thought that adding choices     might unlock a route split. [09:54] Alvin     A route split between dead or alive, maybe! [09:57] Alvin     We don't need to go seeking out bad ends! [10:00] Alvin     Hang on a minute.     Why didn't that monster attack after— SIGN    Poisooon [10:04] Alvin     Hey! What kind of monster     succumbs to his own poison? [10:10] Alvin     And you didn't actually do anything! [10:15] Alvin     It's a good thing he was     such a stupid monster. [10:17] Alvin     Carla, cure my poison while he's down. [10:20] Carla     Righty-o! SIGN    The pain... SIGN    Oh, the pain! SIGN    It hurts so much! SIGN    It just hurts so much! [10:31] Alvin     It's talking. [10:34] Carla     Monsters who live a long     time acquire great wisdom, [10:38] Carla     and the ability to speak the human tongue! [10:39] Alvin     We don't need that explanation again! SIGN    Please... I don't wanna die yet... SIGN    Help me... SIGN    Help! I need somebody! [10:48] Alvin     He does seem to want help, but... [10:51] Alvin     If you could just give me the antidote— [10:54] Alvin     Carla? [10:55] Alvin     Hey! [10:57] Carla     W-Well... [11:00] Carla     Oh, that's right. [11:01] Carla     We were talking about attendants! [11:03] Carla     Very well. If that is your     true heart's desire, [11:07] Carla     I will let you be my manservant! SIGN    Manservant [11:08] Alvin     Antidote. An antidote for my poison! [11:13] Alvin     You're thinking about     helping him, aren't you? [11:16] Carla     Ack! SIGN    A     c     k [11:17] Carla     O-Of course nack! SIGN    A     c     k [11:20] Carla     H-He's a monster, and     I'm not that foolack... SIGN    A     c     k [11:24] Alvin     I've never been so annoyingly right. [11:27] Alvin     For pity's sake. [11:28] Alvin     Is this more of your famed     spirit of benevolence? [11:31] Alvin     But have you considered the     ramifications of your actions? [11:33] Alvin     Even we save him,     he might just attack us again! [11:39] Alvin     And what's the guarantee that     he won't attack someone else? [11:43] Alvin     You heard him singing about     slaughtering humans before! [11:49] Alvin     The idea that you can achieve     understanding with absolutely anybody [11:51] Alvin     doesn't work in real life. [11:55] Carla     Is that... what you think? [11:58] Alvin     Well, it's what I keep saying... [12:00] Carla     Regardless, I'm still a holy woman... [12:04] Carla     I can't just sit back and watch     while a life fades before my eyes. [12:11] Alvin     That thing's a monster. [12:13] Alvin     If you can't tell the difference... [12:16] Carla     Can't we just save him, [12:17] Carla     earn his gratitude, [12:19] Carla     and get him to give us     lots of money and items? [12:21] Alvin     That's just extortion! [12:23] Carla     Is that when you file a     callus off your foot? [12:26] Alvin     That's exfoliation. [12:28] Carla     The thing you feel when you walk     up three flights of stairs? [12:31] Alvin     That's exertion. [12:32] Carla     The process of a bird losing its feathers? [12:34] Alvin     Exuviation! [12:35] Carla     A die-off of species? [12:36] Alvin     Extinction! [12:37] Alvin     And shut up! [12:42] Carla     Hey... [12:43] Alvin     What? [12:44] Carla     Doesn't it seem like you're over the poison? [12:47] Alvin     Eh? Now that you mention it... SIGN    Tch. You caught on? [12:50] Alvin     What?! [12:52] Alvin     H-Hang on... I thought     the poison took him out! SIGN    You fool! SIGN    That was all a performance to get your guard down! SIGN    A commonly-employed mushroom strategy, SIGN    to get you to approach so I could strike you unawares! [13:06] Alvin     Then why didn't you stay down? [13:08] Carla     Tch. [13:09] Carla     Thank goodness!     You mean it was just a performance? [13:12] Alvin     I heard a tongue-click! [13:14] Alvin     I think you're just frustrated     he stole your spotlight! SIGN    Is she really a holy woman? [13:20] Alvin     That's what I'd like to know! SIGN    H-Hey, chill out, man... SIGN    I'll give you a great piece of info! [13:29] Alvin     What is it? SIGN    That thing I did before was just a smokescreen. SIGN    There was no poison in it. SIGN    I mean, you sorta threw me for a loop there! SIGN    I send out one little smokescreen, and you start shouting "poisonous spores"! SIGN    I guess it had you under the weather for a bit, SIGN    but you seem to be feeling better now. SIGN    Isn't that nice? [13:54] Carla     Are you saying you just     assumed it was poison? [13:58] Carla     Goodness me... that can't be true, can it? [14:02] Carla     What's this? Why so quiet, eh? [14:06] Carla     Go on, tell me! Don't be shy! [14:08] Carla     You're not some beginner. [14:10] Carla     You can't possibly have     gotten that wrong, can you? [14:18] Alvin     You little... [14:21] Alvin     Hey! Cut it out! [14:23] Alvin     It's not nice to laugh     at a person's mistakes! [14:29] Alvin     Hey... I don't think I've ever     heard her laugh so hard before. [14:32] Alvin     It's a damned trashy laugh, though... [14:40] Alvin     Good grief. [14:41] Alvin     Maybe I'll just let it go this time. [14:45] Alvin     Okay, that's enough! [14:54] Carla     All that laughing got me hungry. [14:57] Alvin     I'm pretty hungry too! SIGN    I've got an idea! SIGN    Let's all go off together to eat! SIGN    Anyone got any meal ideas? [15:07] Carla     Me! [15:09] Carla     I'd love some mushroom soup. [15:10] Carla     Or mushrooms boiled with rice. SIGN    You really were planning to eat me, then?! SIGN    Damn it! [15:19] Alvin     Wait, we're doing this again?! SIGN    I won't be made your dinner's main dish that easily! [15:25] Alvin     After all that, we're back to square one? [15:28] Carla     I'd like you deep-fried, too. [15:30] Carla     Since I did enhance your mouthfeel... [15:32] Alvin     Don't play along! SIGN    Come, then! Try me! [15:42] Alvin     Fine, whatever... [15:44] Alvin     All right. [15:45] Alvin     This was supposed to be a test     of my strength from the start. [15:50] Alvin     Perhaps I'll give you a taste of my might! [16:04] Alvin     Let's go! [16:30] Carla     Maybe I should have improved     Alvin-san's mouthfeel instead. [16:34] Alvin     Damn it... SIGN    I win!! [16:44] Carla     It's really coming down. [16:46] Carla     I'm glad there was this cave nearby. [16:49] Carla     Are you feeling any better, Alvin-san? [16:54] Carla     Alvin-san! [16:56] Carla     No! [16:58] Alvin     The real me is right here! [17:00] Alvin     Ow, ow... SIGN    You okay? I'm really sorry. SIGN    I really lost my head back there. SIGN    You've gotta take it easy, man. Chill out a minute. [17:09] Alvin     Being doted on by the person who beat me... [17:12] Alvin     I'm so pathetic. [17:13] Carla     You are not! [17:16] Carla     At the very least,     I think you're quite amazing! [17:20] Alvin     I don't need your pity act. [17:22] Alvin     And don't throw my helmet! [17:24] Carla     It's not a pity act!     I really think you're amazing! [17:26] Carla     To be as weak as you are and     still become an adventurer... [17:30] Carla     That requires true mental fortitude! [17:31] Alvin     Actually pity me! [17:32] Carla     Now, now. [17:33] Carla     The whining will just make     it worse! Calm down! [17:36] Alvin     Stop making me sound like a sore loser! [17:38] Carla     I'll use a healing spell     to make you better, [17:40] Carla     like I did with Mostly Bear-san. [17:43] Carla     I can do that, because I'm a healer! [17:45] Alvin     Are you still pretending you're a healer? [17:49] Carla     Of course I am! [17:50] Carla     And I'll shut that smart     mouth of yours right now! [17:53] Alvin     You really don't talk like someone     about to make me better... [17:56] Carla     What got the worst of it? [18:01] Carla     The face, perhaps? [18:02] Alvin     Probably your head! [18:05] Carla     That does look pretty bad. SIGN    I did use a fa jin that would pierce through your armor... SIGN    Sorry, man. [18:13] Alvin     I didn't know you practiced martial arts! [18:16] Alvin     Can you actually cure this? [18:18] Carla     What a worrywart. [18:20] Carla     Have I ever betrayed your expectations? [18:23] Alvin     Have you ever met them? [18:30] Carla     The preparations are complete! [18:31] Alvin     I wish you wouldn't dress like that! [18:38] Carla     Let my prayer be heard! [18:42] Alvin     I really don't think that's     going to cure anything... [18:45] Alvin     Could you please stop?! [18:47] Carla     This is how I healed you when     we stayed with Mostly Bear-san. [18:50] Alvin     I'm talking about appearances. [18:52] Alvin     Don't you have a less     aggressive healing spell? [18:58] Carla     Well... [19:01] Carla     Is this better? [19:03] Alvin     Can you really not do this     without the cosplay? SIGN    Well, nothing seems broken. SIGN    A simple spell would probably do the trick. SIGN    Or maybe some medicinal herbs! [19:15] Alvin     That's true. [19:16] Alvin     Maybe medicinal herbs would be better     than relying on some bizarre spell. [19:20] Carla     But if you use medicinal herbs,     I can't prove my ability! [19:24] Carla     I'll try a chant! [19:26] Alvin     I guess at some point we decided     you'd be proving yourself, too. [19:30] Carla     Now, watch me. [19:32] Carla     With the miracles of God,     it's easy to heal simple wounds like that! [19:37] Alvin     Somehow, I'm not reassured. [19:39] Carla     Now... [19:40] Carla     Great God above us, [19:43] Carla     I beg of you, bring relief to the     wounded body of the warrior, Alvin! [19:47] Carla     He may be pitiful, pathetic, hopeless,     and utterly beyond saving... [19:53] Alvin     Wait! [19:54] Carla     I beg of you, God! [19:55] Carla     I can no longer stand to see him like this! [19:57] Carla     Please, make him better! [20:00] Alvin     Enough! [20:03] Carla     Well? Are you better? [20:05] Alvin     Of course not! [20:07] Alvin     And don't click your tongue! [20:09] Carla     I-I wasn't clicking my tongue at you! [20:12] Alvin     Who else would you be     clicking your tongue at?! [20:15] Carla     At God, for not making you better... [20:18] Alvin     That's blasphemous! [20:20] Carla     And at you, for not feeling better... [20:23] Alvin     So it was at me! [20:25] Carla     And at the stupid slug. [20:27] Alvin     That's also me—Hey, cut it out! SIGN    Hey, you guys! SIGN    I think the rain's let up. [20:40] Carla     It really has. [20:41] Alvin     Ow... [20:43] Alvin     And it was pouring just moments ago. [20:46] Alvin     Now that the weather's gotten better,     we should probably head out. [20:51] Alvin     The weather... got better? [20:55] Alvin     It got better?! [20:58] Alvin     It definitely wasn't you! [21:08] Alvin     By the way... [21:11] Alvin     why are you coming with us? SIGN    I'm so worried, I can't stay away. [21:16] Carla     I suppose you would be. [21:17] Carla     You'd be too worried to leave     Alvin-san all on his own! [21:21] Alvin     Don't pull yourself out of the firing range! [21:23] Alvin     He's worried about you, too! SIGN    And it'd be hard to get bored while I'm hanging out with you two. [21:29] Carla     Mushroom-san. [21:30] Carla     Thank you for carrying my bag. SIGN    Hey, no problem! [21:34] Carla     What's your name? SIGN    Altargaia! [21:37] Carla     It's a pleasure to meet you, Altargaia-san. [21:41] Carla     Isn't that a splendid name? [21:43] Carla     Much better than "Alvin." [21:44] Alvin     You don't have to make it a competition! SIGN    Next Time [23:25] Alvin     Next episode's title is... [23:27] Alvin     "The first dungeon Alvin tackles     with Carla is designed for beginners [23:30] Alvin     which is very nice and so even     Alvin seems to be flying through it [23:36] Alvin     but of course as a veteran rookie he isn't—" SIGN    See you then! [23:36] sign     "The first dungeon Alvin tackles with Carla is designed for beginners     which is very nice and so even Alvin seems to be flying through it     but of course as a veteran rookie he isn't without his struggles     and he once again reveals his aptitude(?) for falling into holes     and even causes their mushroom monster companion to worry and     come to think of it the mushroom guy who showed up last episode     has a name (it's Altargaia) and there aren't many chances to call him     that but we would like you to remember it and by the way if you're     having trouble reading these titles to the end we just wanted to     remind you that you can pause the video or maybe check the show's     homepage and that's the deal with episode 4." [23:38] Alvin     Hey! I'm still talking— E4 - The first dungeon Alvin tackles with Carla is designed for... Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) [00:01] Alvin     Behold, the vast world in which we live! [00:04] Alvin     It is rampant with monsters     that threaten human life. [00:10] Alvin     This threat is opposed by     countless adventurers! Heroes! [00:17] Alvin     Every day, they face these     dangerous battles... [00:21] Alvin     To protect the people! To protect the world! [00:27] Alvin     And I, Alvin, am one of them! [00:32] Alvin     Now in a party with Carla, the healer, [00:35] Alvin     my journey continues! SIGN    Don't Hurt Me, SIGN    Don't Hurt Me, SIGN    My Healer! SIGN    The first dungeon Alvin tackles with Carla is designed for... [02:14] Carla     Alvin-san. Where are we going today? [02:17] Alvin     A dungeon. [02:18] Carla     Be serious! [02:20] Alvin     I am serious! [02:21] Alvin     What, you think I can't handle it? [02:24] Carla     I wasn't thinking that myself,     but it might be the general consensus. [02:27] Alvin     Don't you worry! [02:28] Alvin     I hear the place we're headed     for is designed for beginners! [02:32] Carla     In other words, it was built just for you. [02:34] Alvin     What, you think I'm the dungeon's owner? [02:36] Carla     Aha, I see. [02:38] Carla     You live there? [02:40] Alvin     I told you, it's a dungeon! [02:42] Kinoko     Hey! [02:46] Kinoko     I found a building just ahead! [02:50] Alvin     That must be the place! [02:52] Alvin     At last, my first dungeon! [02:55] Carla     It does set the heart racing. [02:57] Alvin     Okay, let's go! SIGN    Welcome SUPER Beginners Only     Dungeon SIGN    Safety Guaranteed [03:11] Carla     This is a unique house you live in. [03:14] Carla     Did you have it designed? [03:16] Alvin     It's not my house! [03:18] Alvin     If it was, I would curse     the designer for eternity! [03:21] Carla     What should we do? [03:23] Alvin     It's not exactly what I     was expecting, but... [03:25] Alvin     I guess we should go in— [03:27] Eyeball     Halt! [03:30] Alvin     A monster?! [03:33] Eyeball     Lower your sword, warrior. [03:36] Eyeball     I have no desire to fight! [03:38] Alvin     Wh-What?! [03:40] Carla     Maybe you don't, but we do! [03:43] Carla     Let's do this! [03:44] Alvin     What kind of bloodthirsty     holy woman are you?! [03:47] Eyeball     Do you mean to enter this dungeon? [03:49] Alvin     What if we do? [03:51] Alvin     Are you going to try to stop us? [03:52] Eyeball     As I said before, I have no desire to fight. [03:55] Carla     See? He said he wants to fight! [03:55] Eyeball     But this is a dungeon for extreme beginners. [03:58] Alvin     No, you're the one who's     been trying to fight! [03:58] Eyeball     I must determine if you are worthy to— [04:00] Eyeball     Hey! Are you listening?! [04:03] Carla     Listening to what? [04:04] Eyeball     I knew it. You weren't listening... [04:07] Eyeball     And I was trying so hard to     sound cool and impressive! [04:11] Kinoko     You were saying that only beginners     can enter this dungeon, right? [04:16] Eyeball     Thank goodness, one of them has sense... [04:19] Carla     No need to worry there. [04:20] Carla     Alvin-san has an annual     pass to beginnership. [04:23] Alvin     Do not! [04:23] Eyeball     Very well. [04:25] Eyeball     I will investigate, and confirm your words. [04:27] Eyeball     Let us begin! [04:38] Eyeball     This is... [04:44] Eyeball     Wha?! A h-h-hundred?! [04:47] Eyeball     Beginner level 100?! [04:49] Eyeball     That's nuts, man! [04:51] Alvin     I had a feeling this would happen! [04:54] Carla     Patheticness level 100? [04:56] Carla     I can see it. [04:58] Alvin     I don't think he said that! [05:00] Kinoko     W-Well, they say it's not good to     stray too far from your roots... SIGN    Pfft [05:07] Alvin     You're just making it worse. [05:09] Eyeball     Enter away! [05:13] Alvin     There's a song playing! [05:15] Carla     At last, our first dungeon! [05:17] Carla     Time to beat it! [05:19] Alvin     Yeah. [05:20] Eyeball     Take care! [05:22] Carla     We will, thanks! [05:24] Alvin     I'm exhausted. [05:27] Alvin     We're just a few steps in,     and I'm already exhausted. [05:29] Alvin     Regardless, this is still a dungeon! [05:32] Alvin     I need to remain on my guard! [05:35] Alvin     You never know what kind     of traps might await! [05:38] Alvin     Listen up, party! [05:40] Alvin     This may be for beginners,     but it's still a dungeon! [05:43] Alvin     You have to keep a close eye     on everything around— [05:46] Carla     Behold! [05:47] Carla     Alvin-san's patented     patheticness-level-100 specialty! [06:01] Carla     Alvin-san? Are you all right? [06:07] Carla     There's a cushion at the bottom, [06:09] Carla     and a ladder on the wall. [06:11] Carla     Just what you'd expect from     a beginners' dungeon trap. [06:16] Kinoko     You should really climb up already. [06:19] Kinoko     I don't think you're actually hurt. [06:36] Kinoko     He seems pretty down. [06:37] Carla     Good grief. We'll have to reassure him. [06:42] Carla     Alvin-san. [06:45] Carla     That was a magnificent hole-in-one! [06:48] Carla     Practically professional! [06:49] Carla     A perfect example of what not to do! [06:50] Alvin     That's not the way you reassure someone! [06:53] Alvin     And it's not like I sprung     the trap on purpose! [06:55] Carla     Yes, yes. I know. [06:57] Carla     In fact, I prepared a magic item to     deal with traps just like these. [07:01] Carla     Here. Take it. [07:02] Alvin     What, really? [07:04] Alvin     What the heck... [07:05] Alvin     If you had one of those,     why didn't you say— [07:07] Alvin     Wait. [07:10] Alvin     What's this thing? [07:11] Alvin     An ordinary cloth? [07:13] Carla     Good grief. You amateurs     don't know anything. [07:16] Carla     Listen to me. [07:17] Carla     The next time you trigger a trap... [07:20] Alvin     The next time I trigger a trap...? [07:22] Carla     It'll probably be very embarrassing, [07:24] Carla     so you can use that to wipe away your tears! [07:26] Alvin     So it's just a handkerchief! [07:28] Alvin     And I'm not crying! [07:30] Carla     What a rude thing to say! [07:31] Carla     It's actually a very useful cleaning aid! [07:33] Alvin     So it's just a rag! [07:35] Alvin     I just have to not spring     any more traps, right? [07:37] Alvin     Come on! [07:39] Alvin     Stay alert, keep a close     eye on your surroundings. [07:42] Alvin     Detect dangers early, and avoid them. [07:45] Alvin     Stay alert, keep a close eye     on your surroundings... [07:48] Alvin     Does it seem like it's     getting darker to you? [07:51] Carla     It is getting dark. [07:52] Carla     Be sure to watch your step. [07:54] Alvin     I will. [07:55] Carla     Alvin-san. [07:57] Carla     Do you think that lever     might turn on the lights? [08:02] Alvin     That lever? [08:04] Alvin     Hey, you might be right! [08:06] Alvin     It's hard to see traps when     it's this dark, after all! [08:09] Alvin     Just what I'd expect from     a beginners' dungeon! [08:26] Alvin     I'm not crying! [08:27] Carla     Come on! Be vulnerable! [08:29] Alvin     Get that rag away for me, you little... [08:33] Kinoko     C'mon. Stop playing around,     and let's get going! [08:37] Both     We're not playing around! [08:39] Alvin     Stay alert, keep a close     eye on your surroundings. [08:43] Kinoko     By the way, Alvin... [08:43] Alvin     Detect dangers early, and avoid them. [08:45] Kinoko     That was a pretty sad trap     you triggered back there... [08:48] Kinoko     You think you're not cut out     for this adventurer thing? SIGN    Not cut out [08:53] Carla     You've got it all wrong. [08:55] Kinoko     I do? [08:56] Carla     Alvin-san is triggering     the traps intentionally [09:00] Carla     so that we don't accidentally     spring them ourselves! [09:03] Kinoko     What? Really?! [09:05] Carla     Of course. [09:07] Carla     He'd never fall for such     a silly trap, normally. [09:11] Carla     Right, Alvin-san? [09:14] Alvin     Was it that obvious? [09:16] Carla     I knew it! [09:18] Alvin     Well... the duty of a warrior is     to shield his comrades from harm. [09:22] Carla     You're a true paragon, Alvin-san! [09:24] Alvin     H-Hey, cut it out... [09:28] Carla     But you could have just warned us. [09:31] Carla     Why put yourself through that on purpose? [09:34] Alvin     Don't build me up just to tear me back down! [09:36] Carla     Is triggering traps your thing     these days or something? [09:40] Alvin     Don't make it sound like a hobby! [09:43] Kinoko     Hey, Alvin, look down! [09:45] Alvin     What? [09:50] Alvin     Damn! We're locked in! [09:55] Kinoko     The walls! [09:56] Alvin     Not good! [09:58] Alvin     They're going to crush us! [10:03] Alvin     What do we do?! [10:12] Kinoko     Looks like we can just hold them back. [10:17] Carla     Alvin-san. Alvin-san! [10:21] Alvin     How'd you get out there?     Did you use a spell? [10:25] Carla     No, there's a door in the bars. [10:28] Carla     See? [10:30] Carla     When you panic, it's easy to     miss the forest for the trees. [10:39] Alvin     Stay alert, keep a close eye     on your surroundings... [10:42] Carla     Isn't this nice, Alvin-san? [10:46] Carla     I'll bet the traps are so happy     that you're springing them all! [10:52] Alvin     Don't anthropomorphize the traps! [10:54] Carla     Traps exist to be sprung! [10:57] Carla     From their point of view,     you're the ideal adventurer! [11:01] Alvin     I don't want to be the traps' ideal! [11:04] Kinoko     Hey, look over there! [11:07] Alvin     Is that... [11:17] Carla     It's a door, right? [11:19] Alvin     I don't see any other way to go... [11:21] Alvin     Was this whole thing one straight line? SIGN    Please Ring     ↑ Bell [11:27] Carla     There's something like a button here. [11:31] Alvin     I'll bet it's another trap. [11:33] Alvin     It's pretty clearly dicey... [11:36] Carla     The law of odds does suggest it's trap. [11:38] Alvin     Right? [11:39] Alvin     What do we do? [11:45] Carla     Go right ahead, professional Alvin! [11:47] Alvin     I'm not a professional! [11:48] Carla     Do your usual thing! [11:50] Alvin     This is not my usual thing! [11:54] Alvin     But if you insist, I'll press it! SIGN    S     o          e     x     c     i     t     e     d SIGN    S     o          e     x     c     i     t     e     d SIGN    S     o          e     x     c     i     t     e     d SIGN    S     o          e     x     c     i     t     e     d SIGN    S     o          e     x     c     i     t     e     d [12:03] Sign     Please Ring     ↑ Bell [12:03] Alvin     Stay alert, keep a close     eye on your surroundings. [12:07] Alvin     Detect dangers early, and avoid them. [12:10] Alvin     All right. I'll press it! [12:12] Carla     Right... [12:12] Kinoko     It's a total trap, man. [12:15] Kinoko     It's not safe! [12:16] Carla     But there's no other way to proceed. [12:18] Kinoko     I know, but... [12:20] Alvin     I'm pushing it. I'm pushing it. [12:23] Alvin     I'm pushing it! I really am! [12:26] Alvin     Don't panic if something goes wrong! [12:28] Alvin     But where's the trap going to come from? [12:30] Alvin     From above? From below? [12:31] Alvin     From the right? From the left? [12:33] Alvin     Even from behind?! [12:34] Alvin     Come on, you guys! [12:36] Alvin     But... we don't know that pressing this     button will necessarily open the door. [12:40] Alvin     I'm just so worried that it's a trap. [12:42] Alvin     Perhaps I should proceed cautiously... [12:45] Alvin     I know! Pressing the button with my     sword should make it a bit safer! [12:49] Alvin     This should keep me out     of range of the trap! [12:51] Alvin     Okay! Here I go! [12:53] Alvin     Hey! [13:02] Carla     It's open. [13:03] Alvin     You just broke it down! [13:05] Alvin     And don't give me that ugly little wink! [13:07] Carla     Well, it turned out same way. [13:09] Alvin     If you ignore the property damage, sure! [13:11] Cow     Hey! What was that sound? [13:15] Cow     It sounded like someone breaking     through a door with a tieshankao! [13:20] Cow     What's going on here? SIGN    Domestic [13:22] Cow     The door really is broken! [13:25] Alvin     Something's here! [13:26] Carla     I-Intruder! [13:28] Alvin     I think we're the intruders here... [13:31] Cow     Are you guys... adventurers? [13:33] Alvin     Well... yeah. [13:35] Cow     I knew it! [13:36] Cow     Well, don't just stand around all day! [13:39] Cow     Come on in! [13:41] Alvin     Hey... he's acting like the welcome wagon. [13:44] Alvin     Could this be a trap, too? [13:45] Carla     Let's just play along for now. [13:47] Carla     Even if it's a trap, it's designed for     beginners, so anyone who fell for it would... [13:52] Carla     Whoops. [13:53] Alvin     Hey. [13:54] Cow     Come on in! Don't be shy! [13:57] Alvin     Out with it already! [13:59] Carla     I'd rather not. [14:00] Cow     Come on! Right this way! [14:09] Cow     Go on! Have yourselves a seat! [14:12] Alvin     R-Right... [14:19] Cow     It's not much, but... [14:20] Alvin     O-Of course. Thank you. [14:23] Alvin     Could it be... poison?! [14:26] Alvin     She already drank it! [14:28] Carla     It's cold! And super gross! [14:30] Alvin     Don't just say that! [14:32] Cow     I-I'm sorry! [14:34] Cow     I'll brew up a new batch right away! SIGN    Cow SIGN    Hospitality [14:36] Sign     Fashion [14:36] Sign     Weight [14:37] Alvin     He's way too hospitable! [14:40] Alvin     Anyway, who exactly are you? [14:43] Cow     Snort! [14:45] Cow     I am this dungeon's master! [14:48] Cow     You've strayed too far into     my lair, foolish adventurer! [14:53] Alvin     I think it's a bit late for that. [14:56] Alvin     And you should probably     find a better outfit. SIGN    Domestic [14:59] Cow     Well, even if you are a beginner, [15:01] Cow     nobody would ever spring those     ridiculously basic traps... [15:08] Cow     Hang on a minute. [15:09] Cow     Did you spring the traps? [15:12] Alvin     Ack. [15:15] Cow     That's hilarious! [15:17] Cow     I can't believe an adventurer fell     for those lame, little traps! [15:21] Cow     Even for a beginner, that's just... [15:25] Carla     What's so funny about that? [15:27] Carla     We lost people to those traps! [15:30] Alvin     Could you please not make     it sound like I died? [15:32] Cow     I-It can't be... [15:35] Cow     My perfect safety record... shattered! [15:40] Alvin     Hey! I'm alive! [15:42] Cow     What have I done?! [15:46] Carla     At least you recognize the     wrongness of your actions. [15:50] Cow     I didn't mean to kill anybody! [15:52] Cow     Moo! [15:54] Alvin     You're a monster! At least,     have the guts to kill someone! [15:58] Carla     Everyone makes mistakes. [16:01] Carla     What's important is finding a way to atone. [16:04] Carla     You can find that way now. [16:06] Alvin     Are you shaking him down, holy woman? [16:08] Cow     I understand. [16:10] Cow     Wait just a moment. [16:12] Cow     Although I'm afraid... this is all I have. [16:17] Cow     Business has been so bad... [16:18] Carla     Well, better than nothing. [16:23] Carla     A coin pendant? [16:25] Alvin     A magic item?! [16:27] Cow     No, it's a souvenir we give out to visitors. [16:32] Carla     It looks just like an     ordinary pendant to me. [16:35] Carla     But what if... [16:36] Alvin     What is it? [16:37] Carla     It's garbage! Completely undesirable! [16:39] Alvin     At least try to be nice! [16:47] Kinoko     Well, does everyone have their drink? SIGN    M     V     P [16:52] Kinoko     Then, a toast to the Carla Party's     conquest of the dungeon! [16:58] Kinoko     Cheers! [17:01] Kinoko     Great work today, everyone! [17:05] Alvin     Hang on a minute! [17:07] Alvin     This can't be right! [17:08] Alvin     Why are we having a friendly     drink with monsters? [17:11] Alvin     And why didn't I get a drink of my own?! [17:14] Alvin     And this seems like a good time to ask... [17:17] Alvin     Exactly how long are you     going to tag along with us? [17:20] Alvin     And if you're the dungeon's master,     shouldn't you, at least, try to be scary? [17:24] Cow     I'll serve the salad. [17:25] Alvin     This is no time to be serving salad! [17:27] Carla     Let's let our hair down. [17:30] Carla     Alvin-san, would you     please rub my shoulders? [17:32] Alvin     You're a tyrant! [17:33] Carla     Alvin-san. [17:35] Alvin     What now?! [17:36] Carla     You've gotten too excited. [17:37] Carla     It's not knights. [17:39] Alvin     I'm angry! [17:40] Alvin     And you're the one who's too excited! [17:42] Alvin     What's with that outfit?     Is it your birthday? [17:46] Carla     I think you're the one with the     strange outfit, Alvin-san. [17:49] Carla     Did you think this was a     warrior costume party? [17:51] Alvin     It's my usual outfit! [17:54] Carla     But I understand why you're so excited. [17:58] Carla     This is my first dungeon     clear as an adventurer, too. [18:02] Alvin     It's your first, too? [18:04] Carla     Yes. [18:07] Carla     It's not cold! [18:09] Alvin     I see now. [18:11] Alvin     Given her personality and all, [18:12] Alvin     she probably gets kicked out     of any party she joins. [18:15] Alvin     Maybe that's why she's indulging     in that silly outfit. [18:18] Alvin     I've been turned down from various parties     for not being good enough, myself. [18:23] (Flashback) Alvin     Excuse me! Do you think I could join— [18:25] (Flashback) Adventurer 1     Sorry. I need a little higher level... [18:28] (Flashback) Adventurer 2     Look at that! A veteran rookie! [18:32] Kinoko     Sounds like... [18:33] Kinoko     You two beating your first dungeon     is an event worth celebrating. [18:38] Kinoko     A red-letter day! [18:39] Alvin     Well, I'm not sure I'd say     we beat it, exactly... [18:43] Carla     A red-letter day... [18:45] Carla     A red-letter day for our party. [18:50] Alvin     What is this? Are you happy? [18:53] Carla     No, I feel perfectly normal! [18:56] Alvin     Did I nail it? Are you blushing?! [19:02] Carla     You got a problem? I'll send you to hell! [19:04] Alvin     She's dangerous, even when she's blushing. [19:07] Alvin     Well, since we both did something     worth celebrating... [19:10] Alvin     Here. [19:12] Carla     What is it? [19:13] Alvin     You don't know what it means? [19:14] Alvin     It's a high five. [19:16] Alvin     When a party accomplishes     something together, [19:18] Alvin     it's just what they do. [19:20] Carla     When a party accomplishes something... [19:23] Carla     Yeah, big doubts! [19:26] Carla     Your assertion that you     know things parties do [19:29] Carla     contradicts your earlier statement     that you've never been in a party. [19:32] Carla     It's fishy! [19:32] Alvin     It's not fishy! [19:34] Carla     I think your true objective is... [19:36] Carla     to use a high five as an excuse to touch me! [19:40] Alvin     Yeah, yeah. [19:42] Alvin     I'm okay with not doing     it if you don't want to. [19:47] Carla     Well, we are a party, after all. [19:51] Carla     I suppose I can allow you one little touch. [19:54] Alvin     This girl is a serious pain in my ass. [19:57] Alvin     Okay, fine. [19:59] Alvin     Here. [20:00] Carla     I-If you insist... [20:03] Carla     Then, to our first dungeon clear... [20:06] Alvin     Good grief. Sheesh. [20:08] Alvin     She's over the moon! [20:11] Carla     Well done! [20:18] Cow     Thank you for clearing our dungeon! [20:22] Eyeball     Thanks for coming! [20:24] Kinoko     The food was so good! [20:26] Kinoko     We loved it! [20:27] Kinoko     It's been a blast! [20:29] Both     Have a good day! [20:33] Eyeball     What an entertaining party. [20:35] Cow     I'd better get on fixing that door. [20:38] Alvin     How long are you gonna wear that getup? [20:42] Carla     Cow-san gave it to me for the occasion. [20:44] Carla     It would be rude to remove     it while he's watching. [20:47] Alvin     You care about rudeness? [20:49] Carla     Yes. [20:51] Kinoko     By the way, Alvin... [20:53] Alvin     What is it? [20:54] Kinoko     He told me that button in     the dungeon wasn't a trap. [20:57] Kinoko     It was just a doorbell. [20:59] Alvin     Was it? [21:01] Alvin     Makes sense, for a beginner's dungeon... [21:04] Alvin     Well, it's getting late. [21:06] Alvin     I'd like to reach an inn     before it gets dark. [21:09] Alvin     Right, Carla? [21:10] Carla     Wh-Wh-What are you talking about? [21:13] Alvin     I was saying, we could get to an inn... [21:14] Carla     Yes, of course, an inn! [21:15] Carla     Yes, let us proceed! [21:17] Alvin     Excuse me. Carla-san? [21:19] Alvin     You're acting weird. [21:20] Carla     W-Weird? [21:21] Carla     I don't like being called     strange by funny-types. [21:24] Alvin     Do you mean funny as in amusing? [21:26] Alvin     Or deviant? [21:28] Carla     Deviant. [21:29] Alvin     What?! [21:32] Carla     Eh? Kinoko-san is gone. [21:35] Alvin     Really? [21:36] Alvin     Well, he'll catch up soon enough. [21:37] Carla     I'm sure he will. [21:40] Carla     And that spares us paying for his room. [21:42] Alvin     You're one stone-hearted holy woman. [21:44] Carla     I'm just worried about     your wallet, Alvin-san. [21:47] Alvin     Why do you assume I'm poor?! SIGN    Where am I? SIGN    Next Time [23:25] Carla     Next episode's title is... [23:27] Carla     "The owner of the inn they     visit seems very nice, [23:29] Carla     but Carla accidentally forces him     to reveal a surprising true form [23:33] Carla     and then an old lady     they happen to meet [23:35] Carla     on the road also reveals     an unexpected side [23:36] Carla     and this confirms once again that..." SIGN    See you then! SIGN    "The owner of the inn they visit seems very nice,     but Carla accidentally forces him to reveal a surprising true     form and then an old lady they happen to meet on the road     also reveals an unexpected side and this confirms     once again that there are monsters in this world that     disguise themselves as humans but by the way the     name of the inn is "Stay! Burin" and some of you might not     know where that name comes from but it's from a pretty     famous show so if you know it you're definitely wallowing     in nostalgia right now and that's the deal with episode 5." [23:38] Carla     Is it possible for anyone to say all this? E5 - The owner of the inn they visit seems very nice, but... Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) [00:02] Alvin     Monsters threaten human life. [00:05] Alvin     They are opposed by brave adventurers! [00:10] Alvin     And I, Alvin, am one of them! [00:15] Alvin     Now in a party with Carla, the healer, [00:18] Alvin     my journey continues! SIGN    Don't Hurt Me, SIGN    Don't Hurt Me, SIGN    My Healer! SIGN    The owner of the inn they visit seems very nice, but... SIGN    Inn Stay! Burin [01:56] Alvin     Excuse me. [01:57] Alvin     We'd like a room for the night. [01:59] Orc     Oink. [02:00] Orc     Welcome to Stay! Burin. [02:02] Alvin     That's a wonderful name for an inn. [02:04] Orc     Oink. Thank you very much. [02:07] Orc     How many in your party? [02:08] Alvin     Just me and one wannabe goblin. [02:13] Carla     I don't want to stay in a pigsty— [02:15] Alvin     It's an inn. [02:16] Carla     But it really looks like— [02:17] Alvin     It's all people here. [02:19] Carla     But he keeps saying "oink." [02:20] Alvin     Drop it. [02:21] Orc     What was that she said? [02:23] Alvin     Oh, ignore her. [02:25] Alvin     It's just goblin nonsense. [02:27] Orc     Oh, would you like me to prepare     your dinner for the night? [02:32] Orc     I do a bit of cooking on the side! [02:36] Carla     Or maybe it's a butcher's shop? [02:37] Alvin     It's an inn. [02:39] Alvin     What's on the menu for tonight? [02:41] Orc     Tonkatsu! [02:44] Alvin     That's... deep-fried pork? [02:46] Orc     Oink. [02:48] Carla     Is tonkatsu tastier when you murder     your own kind to make it?! [02:52] Carla     It's ton-conscionable! [02:53] Alvin     Will you just... [02:55] Alvin     You can't say that to his face! [02:56] Alvin     Your rudeness is off the charts today! [02:59] Carla     But you were thinking the same thing I was! [03:02] Carla     It's pathetic to act like you     have the moral high ground! [03:05] Carla     And I have never spoken     anything but the truth! [03:08] Alvin     I already know that's a bald-faced lie— [03:10] Alvin     And what's with those moves?! [03:13] Carla     I got motion-sick. [03:13] Alvin     I wish you'd spit up your evil soul. [03:16] Carla     You really didn't notice? [03:18] Carla     I wonder if that ugly... [03:20] Carla     I mean, unique helmet of yours has     a curse to reduce your perception. [03:25] Alvin     What are you talking about? [03:26] Carla     I'm saying, that pig is not human! [03:30] Alvin     Everyone knows that pigs aren't human. [03:32] Carla     But that's what I'm— [03:34] Carla     Oh, eternal darkness! [03:36] Orc     Hey. [03:39] Orc     Are you calling me a pig? [03:41] Alvin     See? He's mad! [03:43] Alvin     You've got him enraged! [03:44] Carla     Did you say he's a Landrace? [03:46] Alvin     Are you just hungry or something? [03:48] Orc     You mock me... [03:50] Alvin     Wh-What's he doing? [03:52] Carla     He's shown his true self. [03:54] Orc     Very well... [03:56] Orc     You'll see what kind of pig I am... [03:58] Orc     at the cost of your lives! [04:01] Alvin     A monster! [04:02] Carla     Please, be careful! [04:03] Carla     Dark elves find his breed of     monster particularly detestable! [04:06] Alvin     Seems irrelevant, since you're a goblin! [04:08] Orc     Oink! [04:11] Orc     How dare you say that?! [04:14] Alvin     He was disguised as a human? [04:17] Alvin     Maybe he's a tanuki? [04:19] Orc     Bah! A pox on you all! [04:21] Orc     You'll pay for calling me a pig! [04:23] Orc     I am a proud member of the orc race! Oink! [04:27] Alvin     His true face is incredible! [04:28] Carla     Hang on a minute! [04:30] Carla     I just realized something outrageous! [04:32] Carla     I must be an angel, to have     noticed something like this! [04:35] Alvin     Did you? That's great. [04:36] Alvin     But I suspect your realization     will further complicate things, [04:38] Alvin     so could you keep it to yourself? [04:40] Carla     I assumed the innkeeper was a pig, but... [04:42] Alvin     Yeah, just can't keep anything to herself. [04:45] Carla     But he said, "Baa" just now! [04:47] Carla     That suggests he's not a pig, but a sheep! [04:49] Carla     He had me fooled...     I was so sure he was a pig! [04:53] Orc     Actually, I'm an orc! [04:54] Orc     Oink! Oink! [04:56] Alvin     You heard the man. [04:57] Carla     But he said "Baa" earlier! [04:59] Orc     I said "Bah," not "Baa"! [05:02] Carla     What? So you are a pig? [05:04] Orc     I'm not a pig! I'm an orc! [05:07] Carla     A pork? That's still a pig. [05:09] Orc     Bah! I'm an orc! An orc! [05:11] Carla     He said, "Baa" again! He's a total sheep! [05:14] Orc     It's not that kind of "Bah"! [05:16] Orc     Oh, give me a break! Ugh! [05:18] Carla     "Ook"? You're a monkey now? [05:20] Carla     That's a bit of a stretch! [05:21] Carla     I'm not sure how you expect     us to believe that! [05:23] Orc     Shut up! [05:24] Orc     You can't taunt an orc     and get off scot-free! [05:27] Carla     How much for a room, then? [05:29] Orc     Oh, a room for two? [05:30] Orc     No, screw that! [05:31] Orc     You're gonna have to fight me! One-on-one! [05:33] Alvin     Hang on a minute! [05:34] Alvin     I know she picked this fight all on her own, [05:36] Alvin     but a duel seems a bit much... [05:38] Carla     Very well. [05:39] Orc     All right, you're on! [05:41] Orc     If you win, you can call me a pig,     a sheep, or anything you want! [05:45] Carla     Very well. [05:47] Carla     And if I lose, I will also     treat you like a pig. [05:51] Carla     That seems only fair. [05:52] Alvin     You're ruthless. [05:53] Orc     That's ridiculous! [05:55] Orc     It means you're treating me like     a pig whether I win or lose! [05:58] Carla     Then, let us begin! [05:59] Orc     Hang on a minute! We     aren't finished talking! [06:01] Carla     First comes... [06:02] Orc     And we're doing rock-paper-scissors?! [06:04] Carla     Pork! [06:08] Alvin     That's a joke on "Rock" and "Pork," I think. [06:11] Orc     I mean, I got that... [06:13] Orc     I've just taken so much abuse today,     it's hard to have the appropriate reaction. [06:17] Alvin     Hey, no need to spare her feelings. [06:19] Alvin     Just say she bombed— [06:21] Alvin     What is it? [06:22] Carla     I s-suddenly feel feverish! [06:25] Carla     It's e-explosive damage. [06:27] Alvin     "Bombed" means your joke didn't land. [06:29] Carla     Should I ask you to kill me? [06:31] Orc     The fool completely imploded! [06:34] Orc     But she seems like the type that     never learns until she suffers, [06:36] Orc     so I guess it serves her right! [06:38] Alvin     I'm with you there. [06:39] Alvin     But... technically, it is     my job to protect her! [06:43] Alvin     I won't allow you to harm her! [06:45] Alvin     Always wanted to say something like that! [06:48] Orc     Then I'll have to flatten you, as well! [06:51] Orc     Jump! [06:52] Alvin     Jump— [06:53] Orc     Hecaton Press! [06:55] Both     Such a short jump... [06:56] Orc     Oink! [06:58] Alvin     What's wrong? [07:00] Orc     I think I broke my leg on the landing. [07:03] Alvin     Lose some weight? [07:05] Alvin     Can you cast a healing spell on him? [07:06] Alvin     I seriously can't watch this... [07:08] Carla     I don't know any spells that     work on flightless pigs. [07:12] Carla     I could put him out of his misery, though. [07:14] Alvin     You sure about that?     You could get on his good side. [07:17] Carla     Don't move! [07:18] Carla     I'll cast a healing spell on you now! [07:21] Alvin     Though I doubt there's anything you     can do to get on his good side now... [07:24] Orc     Oink... [07:25] Orc     Y-You would save me? [07:27] Orc     But why? [07:28] Carla     Does one need a reason to     save another from suffering? [07:33] Alvin     Just don't go charging him afterwards, okay? [07:38] Alvin     At least try to deny it? [07:40] Orc     Oink. O, Holy Woman! [07:42] Alvin     I think he's got brain damage. [07:44] Carla     Oh, you flatterer. I hear that all the time! [07:46] Alvin     And she's even worse! [07:48] Carla     But first, Mr. Innkeeper... [07:50] Carla     I do have a question for you. [07:52] Carla     It's about the travelers and adventurers     who have stayed at your inn before us. [07:56] Alvin     Oh, that's right. [07:58] Alvin     The only reason an orc would go out of his way     to disguise himself as human and run an inn... [08:03] Alvin     Can it be...?! [08:04] Orc     Oink. [08:05] Orc     I guess the pig is up. [08:07] Carla     You work for a slaughterhouse? [08:09] Orc     I'm in the presence of a holy woman,     so it's high time to confess my sin. [08:13] Orc     As you intuited, [08:14] Orc     travelers, adventurers, and merchants would     come by my inn, and I'd orchestrate their stays. [08:19] Carla     More like... orchestrate. [08:20] Orc     Tired from their long travels, [08:23] Orc     they'd go to their rooms, rest,     and let down their guard... [08:28] Alvin     Can it be... [08:29] Orc     That's right. [08:30] Orc     I'd take advantage of their vulnerable     state and add it to their food! [08:34] Alvin     Poison?! [08:34] Orc     A secret orcish elixir of     nutrition and stamina! [08:38] Alvin     Nutrition... what? [08:40] Alvin     That's not what I was expecting. [08:41] Orc     But it was a double-edged sword... [08:43] Orc     If I got the dose even slightly off,     it put them in a state of total exhaustion! [08:47] Orc     I just wanted my customers to feel     nice after a stay at my inn... [08:54] Orc     But one little mistake,     and all my best intentions backfired! [08:59] Alvin     Well, it's important to     follow dosing instructions! [09:01] Orc     I'm a true swine who put     his customers in danger! [09:04] Orc     What's wrong with me? [09:05] Alvin     Hang on a minute. [09:06] Alvin     Hey, Carla. [09:08] Alvin     I think he might be a good guy after all! [09:10] Alvin     You think we're the bad     guys for upsetting him? [09:14] Carla     I see. [09:16] Carla     Then there's no two ways about it... [09:19] Carla     Guilty! [09:20] Alvin     Just that one way, huh? [09:21] Orc     Oink! Please forgive me! [09:31] Carla     Alvin-san! [09:33] Carla     Are you going to sell me to slavers? [09:35] Alvin     What have the slavers done to deserve that? [09:37] Alvin     We're on a guild quest to     collect medicinal herbs. [09:41] Carla     I see... [09:42] Carla     By the way, Alvin-san. [09:44] Alvin     Yes? [09:45] Carla     Could you try to drag the     cart a little smoother? [09:48] Carla     I'm motion-sick. [09:49] Alvin     You don't have to ride in it! [09:51] Alvin     What even made you think it was     okay to get in the cart— [09:53] Carla     Alvin-san. Someone's here. [09:56] Alvin     A traveler? [09:57] Alvin     No, an old woman? [09:59] Carla     Do you think she's not feeling well? [10:01] Alvin     Let's talk to her. [10:03] Carla     You're not going to make her     pull the cart, are you?! [10:06] Alvin     Why was that your assumption?! [10:08] Carla     Are you going to hit on her, then? [10:11] Alvin     Don't make me say it again! [10:13] Alvin     Excuse me. [10:15] Alvin     Are you all right? [10:16] Alvin     Are you under the weather? [10:17] Carla     Hey, hey, hey! [10:18] Carla     Got time to kill, girl? [10:20] Carla     Wanna hang with us? [10:21] Alvin     Don't hit on her! [10:23] Witch     It's so nice to see young     folk with so much energy. [10:26] Witch     I'm just resting these old bones. [10:28] Alvin     But this place is infested with monsters! [10:30] Alvin     We could take you home, if you like. [10:32] Witch     It wouldn't be too much trouble? [10:34] Carla     You use honeyed words to get     close to women in trouble, [10:38] Carla     then cleverly steer the conversation     into going home with them... [10:41] Carla     You're a true pick-up artist.     And well-practiced, at that... [10:44] Alvin     Phrasing, please! [10:45] Carla     Yet you've never had a     girlfriend! Mysterious! [10:47] Alvin     Just butt out already! [10:48] Witch     Well, at your kind insistence... [10:53] Witch     Ho ho ho! The fool doesn't even     realize I'm actually a witch! [10:57] Witch     And I've been needing the     bowels of a man for my brew! [11:02] Alvin     You can walk. [11:03] Carla     That's a flag for a piggyback ride! [11:05] Witch     And that one's a dark elf! [11:08] Witch     An extremely rare, high-quality ingredient! [11:11] Witch     I can't let her get away! [11:13] Witch     Oh, young man... [11:15] Witch     I'll let you have this. [11:17] Alvin     What is it? [11:18] Witch     A homemade stamina potion. [11:21] Witch     I'd meant to drink it later, [11:23] Witch     but I'll give it to you instead. [11:26] Alvin     That's so kind of you! [11:27] Witch     What a great fool! [11:29] Witch     That's a deadly poison! [11:31] Witch     And once I neutralize the man,     the woman will be easily— [11:35] Alvin     What the... [11:36] Carla     What is it? [11:38] Alvin     I'm having a hard time     getting a grip on the cork. [11:41] Carla     Oh, come on.     It's because of that ridiculous outfit! [11:44] Carla     Hand it to me. I'll open it. [11:46] Alvin     Thanks. [11:47] Carla     No problem. [11:48] Carla     Goodness me. How did you ever get     along without me, Alvin-san? [11:53] Alvin     I don't know how I get along with you. [12:00] Carla     Bah! [12:02] Both     What?! [12:05] Alvin     What... What the hell did you do?! [12:07] Carla     G-Go on, Alvin-san! [12:09] Carla     Lap it up! Lap it up! [12:10] Carla     Like a dog! [12:11] Alvin     Don't be ridiculous! [12:12] Carla     Three-second rule! [12:13] Alvin     Pretty sure that doesn't apply to liquids! [12:15] Alvin     Just because you can't open something     is no reason to break it! [12:19] Carla     That's not what it was! [12:21] Carla     It was um... um... [12:24] Carla     Oh, yes! It's poison! [12:26] Alvin     Poison? What? [12:28] Alvin     Wait, you just told me to lap it up! [12:30] Carla     Fool! [12:31] Alvin     Shut up, stupid! [12:33] Carla     You're simply too careless, Alvin-san! [12:35] Carla     Too trusting of strangers! [12:37] Alvin     Well... [12:38] Carla     Look at that sinister get-up! [12:40] Carla     She's clearly a witch! [12:41] Alvin     I mean, I won't pretend she     doesn't look like one... [12:44] Carla     Though I'm not one to talk,     bewitching as I am... [12:47] Alvin     I'd argue that one! [12:48] Witch     Do you have any proof that I'm a witch? [12:51] Carla     Proof, you say? [12:53] Carla     Let me see! [12:54] Carla     I can get that by beating you up [12:56] Carla     then making up whatever story I want! [12:58] Alvin     That's messed up! [12:59] Alvin     But I suppose... it is a bit dangerous     to trust a total stranger? [13:04] Witch     Oh, no! My precious ingredients... [13:07] Witch     Oh, the sorrow! [13:09] Witch     I'd hoped to treat you to my fine home     cooking when we arrived at my house. [13:14] Witch     My son died in an epidemic, [13:16] Witch     and I outlived my husband,     so now I live all alone... [13:19] Witch     To receive kindness after so long, I was     simply so happy, I wanted to thank you! [13:25] Carla     Honestly. It's no use trying     to earn our pity now. [13:28] Carla     We'd never believe such a ridiculous story. [13:31] Witch     Tch. I should've known it wouldn't work... [13:34] Carla     However, I do happen to     be very hungry right now! [13:37] Alvin     Now, hop aboard! [13:39] Alvin     And after we get you home, you can     pay us back with home cooking! [13:42] Witch     Too easy. [13:49] Witch     This here is my home. [13:53] Carla     Thanks for having us! [13:55] Carla     So many books! [13:57] Carla     I bet the place would burn real good! [14:00] Alvin     Plotting your next crime, huh? [14:02] Witch     Have a seat wherever you like. [14:04] Witch     I'll prepare drinks for you all. [14:06] Alvin     Oh, thanks. [14:08] Carla     Time to rest these old bones. [14:13] Carla     I'll have one from the tap! [14:15] Alvin     What are you, an old man? [14:16] Alvin     And what tap, exactly? [14:18] Carla     A tap on a fruit. For the juice. [14:20] Witch     What an irritating bunch of children. [14:23] Witch     But, no matter. [14:24] Witch     This anesthetic-infused herbal tea     will make them nice and pliable! [14:30] Witch     Here you are. Herbal tea. [14:32] Carla     Is it made from "legal" herbs? [14:34] Alvin     Your own legality is questionable! [14:36] Alvin     I'm sorry.     She really likes to run her mouth. [14:39] Witch     It's good to see young people     with so much energy. [14:41] Witch     Here. Your herbal tea. [14:43] Alvin     Oh, that's right. [14:45] Alvin     Let's drink! [14:50] Alvin     Are you okay?! [14:51] Witch     Oh, quite all right... [14:53] Witch     Though it did get on my clothing... [14:55] Alvin     And... are you okay? [14:58] Carla     Well... I was just thinking     I'd like to lie down! [15:02] Alvin     Could you not shout, maybe? [15:03] Carla     I was also thinking I'd     like to read some books! [15:06] Alvin     Would you clean them up already? [15:07] Alvin     You go and get changed, ma'am. [15:09] Alvin     I'll clean up here. [15:12] Witch     Thank you. You'll find the cleaning     supplies right over there. [15:15] Witch     Tch. He's a lucky little rat. [15:17] Carla     Alvin-san, there's a rag right here. [15:20] Alvin     Oh, thanks. [15:21] Alvin     Hey, that's my mantle! [15:23] Alvin     Quit messing around! [15:24] Witch     I know. I'll try that! [15:27] Alvin     All right, get cleaning already. [15:30] Carla     Let's clean the room while we're at it. [15:32] Carla     It's really dusty and stuff. [15:34] Alvin     I never thought I'd hear you     offer to do something nice. [15:38] Carla     Well, she lives by herself, so it's     probably hard to keep the place clean... [15:42] Alvin     What's going on with her? [15:44] Alvin     She's being completely decent, for once! [15:46] Carla     And if I swiped a couple books in     the meantime, who would notice? [15:50] Alvin     Yeah, what else did I expect? [15:52] Witch     Now, what are we doing? [15:54] Alvin     I figured we'd do some cleaning. [15:56] Witch     Why, thank you! [15:58] Alvin     What is that, ma'am? [15:59] Witch     It's called an aromatic candle. [16:02] Witch     It puts out a fragrance that calms the soul! [16:05] Witch     I have visitors so rarely... [16:07] Witch     I was hoping it might help you relax! [16:10] Witch     In fact, it has a sedative effect! [16:12] Witch     I drank an antidote in     advance, so I'll be fine. [16:15] Witch     But if they breathe it in     for ten minutes straight, [16:18] Witch     an unavoidable drowsiness     will overtake them and— [16:21] Carla     Fire safety first! [16:26] Carla     Oh... [16:28] Carla     Wh-What would you have done if     the books had caught fire?! [16:31] Alvin     At least warn someone before you do that! [16:34] Alvin     I'm sorry! I'm sorry! [16:36] Alvin     I feel like I'm doing nothing     but apologizing today! [16:38] Carla     I'm sorry for being so     dedicated to fire safety! [16:41] Alvin     I'm sorry I failed to prevent     this walking natural disaster! [16:44] Witch     I suppose I'll get changed again. [16:46] Alvin     Oh? R-Right... [16:48] Carla     Thank goodness! She wasn't angry! [16:50] Alvin     Like we'd get that lucky! [16:52] Alvin     I think she's so far past     anger she can't even yell! [16:55] Alvin     Let's clean up fast! [16:57] Alvin     When she gets back, we'll kneel before     her, apologize, and be on our way! [17:00] Carla     What? [17:01] Carla     I thought we were going to sit around the table,     sharing fun stories and eating her cooking! [17:05] Alvin     You expect polite conversation     in this frigid atmosphere?! [17:08] Witch     What's all the hubbub here? [17:11] Alvin     Ma'am, you're back already... [17:12] Witch     I did promise to treat you to     my home cooking, after all... [17:16] Alvin     Actually, I was thinking     we'd be on our way... [17:20] Witch     Just eat already! [17:22] Alvin     She's totally pissed! [17:24] Alvin     And what the heck is that? [17:25] Alvin     She's totally here to kill us! [17:27] Carla     That looks gross. [17:29] Carla     Wish I hadn't gotten my hopes up. [17:31] Alvin     And she keeps making everything worse! [17:34] Carla     Would you like me to cast a     spell to make it taste better? [17:37] Witch     Eh? [17:37] Carla     Let's see... [17:39] Carla     I believe the chant goes like... [17:41] Carla     Become delicious! Moe, moe... [17:44] Carla     ...Blast! [17:52] Witch     Just get out! [18:00] Witch     What in the world are you doing? [18:04] Witch     I just told you to leave! [18:07] Witch     What are you doing in here? [18:09] Carla     Isn't it obvious? [18:11] Carla     I'm cooking something up. [18:13] Alvin     It sounds like you meant     that in a different way! [18:15] Carla     We had a set of bad breaks, [18:17] Carla     and then I went and blew away your meal. [18:20] Carla     And so, as atonement... [18:23] Carla     I will be cooking... [18:25] Carla     With components! [18:27] Alvin     Oh, shut up. [18:28] Witch     Is there any way I can say no to this? [18:29] Carla     No! [18:30] Alvin     Carla, have you ever cooked before? [18:33] Carla     No! [18:34] Alvin     Yeah, I figured. [18:35] Carla     But I have eaten before! [18:37] Alvin     Yeah, I figured! [18:39] Witch     Do as you wish. [18:40] Witch     The ingredients are in     the storehouse out back. [18:43] Carla     Thank you very much! [18:46] Alvin     Are you sure about this? [18:48] Witch     Yes... It's clear she won't listen,     no matter what I say. [18:52] Witch     But the sooner I let her do what she     wants, the sooner she'll leave. [18:56] Alvin     Assuming we survive that long! [18:58] Carla     Sorry for the wait! [19:00] Carla     It's amazing, Alvin-san! [19:02] Carla     She had so many ingredients     I've never seen before! [19:05] Alvin     I've seen that one before! [19:07] Alvin     Where have you been?! [19:09] Kinoko     Well, after we left that beginner dungeon,     I went chasing a butterfly, and got lost! [19:15] Alvin     Hey, Carla! [19:16] Alvin     You're not planning on     cooking with him, are you? [19:19] Carla     Oh, no. Not today. [19:21] Alvin     Not ever, please! [19:23] Alvin     So, what are you going to make? [19:25] Carla     I'll make myself a legend! [19:26] Alvin     That's one legend no one will hand down! [19:29] Alvin     Heave ho! [19:31] Kinoko     Hands to yourself, please. [19:31] Alvin     Heave ho! [19:33] Carla     Step right this way, ma'am! [19:36] Carla     Just stand here and don't move. [19:38] Witch     What's this? I thought you were cooking... [19:41] Carla     Emergency Ratio— [19:43] Carla     Er, Altargaia-san, please help me. [19:45] Kinoko     Roger-dodger! [19:47] Carla     Put these ingredients over here, [19:49] Carla     and those ingredients over there. [19:51] Carla     There, that should do it. [19:53] Witch     What exactly are you doing? [19:56] Carla     Cooking requires the correct preparation     of all ingredients, right? [19:59] Carla     I thought I'd supplement the     preparation with a spell. [20:02] Alvin     Is this going to be safe to eat? [20:04] Carla     No worries. [20:06] Carla     My cooking will be perfectly eatable. I think. [20:20] Carla     Yes! [20:21] Alvin     Don't say "Yes"! [20:22] Alvin     What the hell is that?! [20:23] Alvin     It just ate the old woman! [20:25] Carla     I said it would be eatable!     You know, "able to eat"! [20:27] Alvin     That isn't how words work! [20:30] Alvin     And the only way that's cooking     is if it's horrifrying! [20:33] Carla     Oh, that was good.     "Well done," one might say. [20:36] Alvin     Seriously, we have to do something! [20:39] Alvin     Hey, did you just hear— [20:42] Carla     Looks like it's done. [20:44] Alvin     Are you all right, ma'am?! [20:45] Alvin     It didn't digest you, did it? [20:48] Witch     Where am I? [20:54] Alvin     Who are you? [20:55] Carla     It's the old woman. [20:57] Alvin     She sure doesn't look like an old woman! [21:00] Carla     I chose ingredients with     anti-aging properties! [21:05] Alvin     I think that's a little much     for food-based anti-aging! [21:08] Kinoko     Here. [21:09] Witch     Wh-Wh-What in the world has happened?! [21:11] Witch     How can I be young again?     It's simply not possible! [21:15] Witch     A spell to restore youth... No, a ritual? [21:18] Witch     One way or another, [21:19] Witch     the ability to reverse the flow of time is     something I've only heard of in legends! [21:26] Witch     Who in the world are you?! [21:28] Carla     Allow me to tell you. [21:30] Carla     Carve these words into your heart! [21:32] Carla     When standing, as stunning as— [21:33] Alvin     Stress. [21:35] Carla     When sitting, as striking as— [21:35] Alvin     Depression. [21:37] Carla     When walking, as arresting as— [21:38] Alvin     Disaster! [21:39] Carla     I am known as... [21:41] Alvin     ...according to her... [21:42] Carla     ...the holy woman, Carla! [21:44] Carla     Hey! [21:45] Alvin     What now?! [21:45] Carla     Stop riffing on everything I say! [21:46] Witch     They're in perfect sync. [21:47] Alvin     Everything I said was true! SIGN    Next Time [23:24] Kinoko     I'll handle next episode's title! [23:26] Kinoko     Hang on, you guys can read this stuff?! [23:29] Kinoko     "As usual, Alvin and Carla     have to overcome [23:31] Kinoko     a series of crises on their travels [23:32] Kinoko     like being attacked by a thief [23:34] Kinoko     and running into a golem until      a certain series of events..." SIGN    See you then! SIGN    "As usual, Alvin and Carla have to overcome a series of crises on their     travels like being attacked by a thief and running into a golem until      a certain series of events leads Alvin to take massive damage and      it's so extreme that he even has to take off his armor to recuperate      and that becomes an opportunity for them to get in a fight and      reevaluate their relationship a little and even though their fights      are an important part of the show the times being what they are      during cast auditions and ADR and such only so many people     were allowed in the recording studio at once which is pretty     tough to work around but everyone gave it their all to make     the best show they could and that's the deal with episode 6." [23:37] Kinoko     Uh, that's the deal with episode 6! [23:38] Kinoko     See you next— E6 - As usual, Alvin and Carla have to overcome a series of crises... Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) [00:02] Alvin     Monsters threaten human life. [00:05] Alvin     They are opposed by brave adventurers! [00:10] Alvin     And I, Alvin, am one of them! [00:15] Alvin     Now in a party with Carla, the healer, [00:18] Alvin     my journey continues! SIGN    Don't Hurt Me, SIGN    Don't Hurt Me, SIGN    My Healer! SIGN    As usual, Alvin and Carla have to overcome a series of crises... SIGN    What a nice old lady. SIGN    She gave us so many medicinal herbs and provisions! SIGN    Such generosity. [02:01] Alvin     Yeah, thanks to her, our guild     quest is as good as complete. [02:05] Alvin     But it was pretty dicey, at first. [02:08] Alvin     She was so mad about all we did to her... [02:11] (Flashback) Carla     Fire safety first! [02:13] (Flashback) Carla     Blast! [02:15] Carla     Why did you have to make that     old lady so angry, Alvin-san? [02:19] Carla     Honestly, a grown man... [02:21] Alvin     You're the main one she was mad at! [02:23] Alvin     But then your spell turned her young again, [02:27] Alvin     and made her so happy she cried. [02:30] (Flashback) Witch     I can't thank you enough, Carla-sama! SIGN    Carla-sama [02:32] Alvin     She even put a damned     "-sama" after your name. [02:35] Alvin     All's well that ends well, I guess. [02:37] Alvin     Now, let's get back to the guild     and hand over the medicinal herbs. [02:42] Alvin     By the way, Carla. [02:43] Alvin     You're being awfully quiet. [02:45] Alvin     Isn't that a sign of the apocalypse? [02:47] Carla     Hush! SIGN    What's up, Big Sis Carla? [02:51] Alvin     Oh, heck. Am I right about     that apocalypse thing? [02:54] Thief     Okay, guys, nobody move! [02:56] Thief     If y-you dom wamma bie, wep astay     lom the staggon en gibbe mer yunny! [03:04] Alvin     What now? [03:10] Thief     Let me try that again! [03:12] Alvin     Sure! [03:13] Thief     Awesome! [03:15] Alvin     Who's that? [03:17] Carla     I don't know. [03:18] Carla     She seems to be some kind of a thief. [03:21] Thief     I'm coming out! [03:22] Alvin     Right! [03:26] Thief     Okay, guys, nobody move! [03:28] Thief     If you don't wanna to die,     step away from the wagon and— [03:35] Alvin     It's okay! [03:36] Alvin     You made it! You're good! [03:40] Carla     Do it again! Do it again! [03:43] Carla     Do it again! [03:44] Alvin     Stop it! [03:45] Alvin     Look, we got the point. [03:47] Alvin     You want us to give you the wagon, right? [03:50] Alvin     Is that it? [03:51] Thief     You mean, I don't have to do it again? [03:54] Alvin     Yeah, you're good! [03:56] These     Does that mean you'll give me your wagon? [03:58] Alvin     No freaking way. [03:59] both     Stingy! SIGN    Bzzt SIGN    Bzzt [04:00] Alvin     You bet I am! [04:01] Alvin     You think life's all about handouts? [04:03] Alvin     Anyway, are you supposed to be a thief? [04:05] Alvin     You do seem to be on your own... [04:07] Thief     I'm not alone. [04:08] Thief     I'm the oldest of four sisters! [04:10] Alvin     That's not what I meant. SIGN    Okay, listen up! [04:15] Alvin     What is it now? SIGN    You're not supposed to just burst out and shout! SIGN    Everyone knows a thief is supposed to lie in wait and mount an ambush! SIGN    And if you've got sisters, you should bring some of them to help out! [04:27] Thief     Actually, they're still too little... [04:30] Alvin     A monster, lecturing a human     on how to ambush travelers... [04:34] Carla     I just got a great idea! [04:36] Alvin     And then the holy woman     weighs in with advice. [04:39] Carla     When there are multiple     opponents to be ambushed, [04:41] Carla     you should always try to     take one of them hostage! [04:43] Thief     Oh! [04:44] Carla     And in honor of the occasion,     I volunteer for the role! [04:48] Thief     Wow, really? That's so nice. [04:50] Thief     But do you think that warrior     is going to play along? [04:53] Carla     It's okay. [04:55] Carla     If there's one thing he's good     at, it's reading the mood. [04:58] Thief     Okay... [05:00] Thief     Is this good? Not too tight? [05:02] Carla     It's just fine. [05:04] Carla     Now, try threatening me to Alvin-san. [05:07] Thief     Hey, hey, hey! Nobody move! [05:09] Alvin     Drat! When did you... [05:14] Thief     If you value her life... [05:18] Carla     Whisper, whisper, whisper. [05:19] Thief     Show me your best one-shot gag! [05:22] Alvin     That's a hell of a hostage demand! [05:25] Carla     Have faith in yourself, Alvin-san! [05:26] Carla     Everything you do is funny! [05:28] Alvin     What's that supposed to mean?! [05:30] Alvin     I refuse to do this! [05:35] Alvin     Hey... hang on, now! [05:36] Alvin     Why are you sitting?     I said, I'm not doing this! [05:42] Alvin     Hey, cut it out! [05:43] Alvin     Don't go into spectator mode! [05:51] Both     Alvin! Alvin! [05:55] Both     Alvin! [05:55] Alvin     Stop pushing me! [05:57] Both     Alvin! Alvin! [06:01] Both     Alvin! Alvin! [06:04] Both     Alvin! [06:06] Carla     Loser! [06:07] Alvin     Darn it! Just close your     eyes and wait a minute! [06:11] Alvin     Don't open those eyes until I say so! [06:13] Alvin     And being a loser has     nothing to do with this! SIGN    He's doing it. [06:17] Alvin     My best one-shot gag... [06:25] Alvin     All right. It's ready. [06:28] Alvin     Now... [06:29] Alvin     Ta-da! [06:30] Alvin     I'm a dullahan! [06:50] Thief     I should probably head out. [06:53] Carla     Understood. [06:54] Carla     Just a minute. [07:00] Carla     Here, take this. [07:02] Thief     Are you sure? [07:03] Carla     As an apology for that terrible joke. [07:05] Thief     Thanks. Goodbye. [07:08] Carla     Take care! [07:13] Carla     Very impressive, Alvin-san! [07:15] Carla     Was that all part of your     plan to demoralize her? [07:20] Alvin     Yes. [07:41] Alvin     Damn it... [07:46] Alvin     It's no use. This golem is too powerful! [07:49] Carla     Alvin-san! [07:50] Alvin     Stand back, Carla! [07:54] Alvin     I'll buy us time. You run— [07:56] Carla     No way, no way! [07:57] Carla     There's no way you are     buying anyone any time! [07:59] Carla     There's no freaking way! [08:01] Alvin     You sound a little too sure about that! [08:02] Carla     You couldn't, even resurrected! [08:04] Alvin     Knock it off! [08:05] Alvin     Will you just let me     serve as the vanguard— [08:10] Alvin     Back off, buddy! We're kind of busy here! SIGN    Take it easy, man. [08:18] Carla     How many seconds do you expect to     buy against a golem, Alvin-san? [08:22] Carla     Not many, I'm sure. [08:24] Carla     You're perpetually disadvantaged. [08:26] Alvin     That's a painfully convincing argument. [08:29] Carla     However! [08:32] Carla     You do have one unique advantage! [08:35] Alvin     What, my integrity? [08:38] Carla     Very funny. [08:41] Carla     It's me! Yay! [08:43] Alvin     I wish I didn't. [08:45] Carla     With a healer like me     serving as your backup, [08:48] Carla     this golem will fall easily! [08:50] Alvin     Easily? Backup? [08:53] Alvin     You're not going to use that deadly     enhancement spell, are you? [09:00] Carla     It'll be better this time. [09:01] Carla     I've matured a great deal since. SIGN    Yes! [09:05] Alvin     You sure about that? [09:07] Carla     I won't stay the same forever,     unlike someone I know. [09:11] Alvin     Don't point at me! [09:13] Carla     Now, now. [09:14] Carla     Golem-san is waiting. [09:16] Carla     I promise, I'll back you up! [09:18] Alvin     Are you sure about this? [09:20] Carla     I'll give you a nice funeral. [09:21] Alvin     That's not promising! [09:24] Alvin     If you insist. [09:26] Carla     Good luck! [09:28] Alvin     Hey, golem! [09:31] Alvin     I'm a man!     I can't spend my whole life cowering! [09:34] Carla     Go! Fight! Alvin-san! SIGN    Fight SIGN    Alvin SIGN    Alvin-san SIGN    Alvin SIGN    Alvin-san SIGN    Alvin SIGN    Alvin-san SIGN    Go! Go! [09:35] Alvin     Let's finis— SIGN    Alvin SIGN    Alvin-san [09:37] Carla     Go, go, Alvin! Fight, fight, Alvin! [09:40] Carla     Let's go, Alvin! [09:42] Carla     Fight an unwinnable battle     and learn the pecking order! [09:46] Alvin     Oh, shut up! [09:47] Alvin     Hey! [09:48] Carla     Well? What do you think of my new     spell, "Cheerful Encouragement"? [09:52] Alvin     That sounded like heckling! [09:54] Carla     It filled you with determination, didn't it? [09:56] Alvin     It filled me with anger! [09:58] Alvin     Aren't you supposed to do something like... [09:59] Alvin     raise my attack power, [10:01] Alvin     raise my defense power, [10:03] Alvin     or something that's actually useful? [10:05] Carla     I see! [10:06] Carla     Then, I'll go into town and buy you     an expensive sword and shield! [10:09] Carla     Just a minute! [10:10] Alvin     Not like that, damn it! [10:11] Alvin     Damn it! That's all wrong! [10:13] Carla     Oh, silly me! [10:16] Carla     You have to give me money first. [10:18] Carla     Tee-hee. [10:19] Alvin     It's not that! [10:21] Alvin     As a healer, you're supposed     to support me with spells! [10:23] Carla     Actually... [10:25] Carla     I don't think there's an enhancement spell     powerful enough [10:28] Carla     to let you beat a golem, Alvin-san. [10:30] Alvin     I don't even know what to say. SIGN    Is that so? [10:32] Alvin     After all that talk about how easy you'd     make it, suddenly it's impossible? [10:39] Carla     We have a trump card. [10:41] Alvin     What is it now? [10:42] Carla     I do think it would give     us the victory, but... [10:48] Alvin     I don't know what you're so hesitant about, SIGN    Upsy-daisy! [10:50] Alvin     but after all this, I'll do whatever it is! [10:52] Alvin     We need to work together     to defeat that golem! [10:56] Carla     Alvin-san... [10:58] Carla     Very well. [11:00] Alvin     What is it? [11:02] Carla     We'll borrow power from     the spirits of earth! [11:06] Alvin     That sounds really cool! [11:10] Carla     It's important to pray to them very hard. [11:13] Carla     Therefore, Alvin-san,     I need you to pray with me. [11:16] Alvin     All right. I just have to pray, right? [11:19] Carla     Now, place your hands on the ground below, [11:21] Carla     and rest your head on the rocks. [11:26] Carla     I'm sorry for the long wait. [11:28] Carla     I... [11:30] Carla     There's a favor I need to     ask you before we fight. [11:34] Carla     Is there any way you could be convinced     to let our warrior here win? [11:37] Carla     We're begging you! [11:39] Alvin     She tricked me! [11:50] Alvin     We're almost to town. [11:53] Carla     I feel like something's been     missing for a while now. [11:56] Alvin     He's probably off chasing butterflies again. [12:02] Alvin     Huh? [12:03] Alvin     It's the golem again! [12:10] Alvin     What is it? [12:11] Alvin     Is he trying to tell us something? [12:14] Carla     Wh-What did you say?! [12:16] Alvin     Hey, you can understand him? [12:19] Alvin     So? What did he say? [12:23] Alvin     You can't understand him?! [12:25] Carla     Of course I can't understand him!     That's why I asked what he said! [12:29] Alvin     That's what you say when     you can understand him! [12:31] Alvin     You suck at this! [12:32] Golem     Get off each other's backs     and listen to me, guys! [12:34] Alvin     Hang on! So you can talk! [12:37] Carla     I'm told that the longest-lived creatures [12:40] Carla     have high intelligence and     a wealth of experience. [12:43] Alvin     Not that line again. [12:45] Golem     Just follow me! [12:47] Golem     There's no time to lose! [13:03] Alvin     So, what happened to him? [13:06] Carla     He appears to be poisoned. [13:09] Golem     I think he was bitten by a venomous snake. [13:11] Alvin     Shouldn't a mushroom monster have     a degree of toxin resistance? SIGN    Unfortunately, I... I'm an edible species... of mushroom. [13:23] Alvin     I... see. [13:25] Carla     Are you all right? [13:26] Carla     Do you have any last words? SIGN    Actually... couldn't you cast... an antidote spe— [13:31] Carla     Don't speak! [13:33] Carla     You'll make the poison spread faster! [13:35] Carla     Please, don't say it's the end!     It's too tragic to conceive! [13:38] Alvin     He wasn't, though! [13:40] Carla     Sob, sob. I'm sure... sob, sob... [13:44] Carla     we'll meet again... sob, sob, sob... [13:46] Carla     in the next world... sob, sob, sob... [13:49] Alvin     Don't just give up! [13:50] Golem     I don't think I've ever heard a person     say "sob, sob, sob" out loud before. [13:53] Carla     This is normally the part where someone     would say such things and give up. [13:57] Carla     Fortunately, you happen to be with me! [14:02] Alvin     Are you seeing that expression     of total despair? [14:05] Carla     Allow me to show you... [14:07] Carla     the holy power of a curative specialist! [14:10] Alvin     Did you say specialist, or blacklist? [14:12] Carla     Have you forgotten how I turned     that old lady young again? [14:15] Alvin     I also remember your deadly     enhancement spell! [14:18] Carla     Are you ready?! SIGN    I'm resigned to my fate. [14:23] Alvin     He's prepared to die! [14:27] Carla     Come, rest back on this rock. [14:31] Carla     Now, we'll take it slow. [14:35] Alvin     In a moment like this... [14:37] Carla     It's going to be okay. Try to relax. SIGN    Thanks... [14:42] Alvin     She almost looks a little     bit like a healer... [14:44] Carla     I'll put you out of your misery very soon. [14:48] Alvin     Never mind. Her word choice     is still pure malevolence! [14:51] Carla     Now, with this sacred left hand... [15:10] Alvin     What are you doing?! [15:12] Alvin     You... [15:13] Alvin     Why did you stick your hand into his mouth! [15:14] Alvin     Cut it out! [15:16] Carla     Why? This is the antidote spell. [15:18] Alvin     It's torture! [15:19] Carla     It's okay. I'm just trying to     get him to expel the toxin. [15:22] Alvin     I hope he doesn't expel any organs! [15:25] Carla     There! [15:28] Carla     I did it! I got him to expel the poison! [15:32] Carla     Well? How are you feeling? SIGN    I'm feeling... much better... SIGN    That's a healer! I thought I was dead for a minute there! [15:42] Carla     Oh... no need to flatter me. [15:45] Carla     Calling me a "goddess of healing"     is surely too far. [15:48] Carla     You're making me blush! [15:50] Carla     Well? Did you see that, Alvin-san? [15:53] Carla     I looked magnificently like a healer back— [15:59] Carla     Medic! [16:04] Golem     It's starting to come down. [16:06] Golem     There's a cabin nearby. Let's get him there. [16:09] Carla     Right. SIGN    Thanks for all the help, Golem. SIGN    We couldn't have gotten Alvin here without you. SIGN    If we'd left it all up to Big Sis Carla, SIGN    it would've taken us forever. SIGN    I can't thank you enough! [16:32] Golem     Hey, no problem. [16:34] Golem     I'm sure you'd do the same for me. [16:36] Golem     But I can't go in the cabin,     so I should really be going. SIGN    Right. SIGN    I'll come by to thank you pretty soon. [16:42] Golem     Sure. See you. SIGN    See ya! SIGN    Okay, I'd better get the antidote herbs. [16:50] Carla     Stare. SIGN    B-Big Sis?! [16:54] Carla     How friendly you two are. SIGN    I g-guess so... [16:57] Carla     Go fetch the wagon, won't you? SIGN    S-Sure... [17:01] Carla     And give me my bag. SIGN    Bag? [17:08] Alvin     What the... [17:08] Alvin     What happened to me? [17:10] Alvin     Right, the mushroom spat     out the poison and— [17:19] Alvin     Where am I? [17:23] Alvin     It looks abandoned... but, a cabin? [17:26] Carla     You're awake, are you? [17:29] Alvin     Is that you, Carla? [17:31] Carla     It appears my prayers to God were answered! [17:34] Alvin     Evil cultist! [17:36] Carla     Sorry, it was actually an angel. [17:39] Carla     Isn't that nice? [17:40] Alvin     I'm sticking with "evil cultist"! [17:42] Alvin     And what's with that new outfit? [17:45] Carla     Does it suit me? [17:47] Alvin     It does. As an evil cultist. [17:49] Carla     These are my ritual robes, worn to     ask God to make you feel better! [17:55] Carla     Yay! [17:57] Alvin     You look more like you're     prepared to sacrifice me! [18:00] Alvin     What's with the mask?! [18:02] Carla     What a rude thing to say! [18:03] Alvin     But seriously... [18:04] Carla     God would be offended by     a sacrifice like that. [18:09] Carla     I'd need something nicer,     like a chicken, or a goat! [18:10] Alvin     Now I'm offended, I think. [18:13] Carla     I sit, sensitively. [18:15] Alvin     What in the world? [18:15] Carla     But how are you feeling? [18:18] Alvin     A lot better. [18:19] Alvin     You didn't stick your hand     in my mouth, did you? [18:23] Carla     Actually, I was running low on power,     so I couldn't use that spell. [18:26] Carla     I'm very sowwy. [18:27] Alvin     I'm glad. [18:29] Alvin     So, how did you remove the poison? [18:32] Carla     With my prayers, as I said! [18:36] Alvin     I guess it must not have     been very potent poison. [18:41] Carla     Your face does still look a little bad. [18:43] Alvin     I think you mean my complexion. [18:45] Carla     Is that how it goes? [18:46] Alvin     Yes! It is! [18:49] Carla     Hold out your forehead! [18:51] Alvin     Stop that! I'm fine! [18:54] Alvin     I've never had my temperature     checked with an iron claw before. [18:58] Carla     You do still appear to     have a bit of body heat. [19:01] Alvin     I'd be dead if I didn't! [19:03] Carla     You should probably lie down. [19:05] Carla     Let's cool you off. [19:13] Carla     There! [19:14] Alvin     Wring it first! [19:15] Carla     S-Sorry! [19:19] Alvin     Not on my head! [19:21] Carla     Look at you, dripping with charm! [19:23] Alvin     Now's no time for flattery! [19:26] Alvin     Forgot it! Just leave me alone! [19:28] Carla     Wait a minute! [19:29] Carla     Oh, I know. [19:30] Carla     Are you hungry, Alvin-san? [19:34] Alvin     Actually, I haven't eaten     anything for a while. [19:36] Alvin     I guess I am a little hungry. [19:38] Carla     I thought you'd say that. [19:40] Carla     So I got a little something ready! [19:42] Sign     Eat delicious!     Medicinal Herbs Cooking [19:42] Carla     This book contains a number of     recipes based on medicinal herbs. [19:47] Alvin     Well. [19:49] Alvin     Let me see! [19:51] Carla     They're recipes that not only use     the properties of medicinal herbs, [19:55] Carla     but are also very tasty! [19:58] Alvin     So? What did you make? [20:03] Carla     "Make"? [20:05] Carla     I didn't even consider that. [20:08] Alvin     You need more imagination. [20:12] Carla     I'm sorry. [20:13] Carla     I'm scatterbrained, clumsy,     and inconsiderate. [20:18] Carla     I'm sorry. [20:19] Alvin     H-Hey... [20:20] Alvin     You don't have to be that depressed about it... [20:22] Carla     I'm sorry that I'm so cute about it! [20:27] Alvin     Don't get optimistically depressed! [20:30] Alvin     Sheesh. [20:31] Alvin     Fine, don't do anything. [20:33] Alvin     Just give me some peace and quiet. SIGN    S     a     d     .     .     . [20:36] Carla     Okay. [20:37] Alvin     And... [20:42] Alvin     Well... you know. [20:45] Alvin     You've tried to do a lot for me. [20:48] Alvin     And I appreciate... the sentiment, at least. [20:52] Alvin     Just the sentiment, okay? [21:00] Carla     I-It doesn't seem appropriate to     say that while you're resting. [21:05] Alvin     Yeah, yeah. [21:07] Alvin     Good night. [21:09] Carla     Good night. SIGN    Big Sis Carla! I brought the antidote herbs. SIGN    We can use these to get Alvin feeling— SIGN    Oh, shucks. SIGN    Looks like he's doing just fine. SIGN    Next Time [23:25] Alvin     Next episode's title is... [23:27] Alvin     Can't we just stop abusing     ourselves on this? [23:30] Carla     Yeah, it's not possible to     do it in fifteen seconds. [23:32] Carla     It seems pretty stupid. SIGN    Agreed. [23:34] Alvin     Oh, it's from the higher-ups. SIGN    See you then! SIGN    "This show is fairly unique in that Carla is the only recurring female     character although in episode 5 we did get the witch and then the     thief character but the witch only gets a few seconds at the     end in her young form and the thief girl doesn't get any more     screen time after this so I suspect the folks at home are wondering     if we're ever going to see any new female characters and so partly     for you people this episode features a female character called     Maria Deathflame but to set up for that we have to do a zombie     story so I hope you'll enjoy that first and of course Maria has her     own idiosyncrasies so you'll just have to wait to see if it meets     your expectations and that's the deal with episode 7." [23:37] Alvin     "We're never letting you     people do the preview—" E7 - This show is fairly unique in that Carla is the only recurring female character... Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) [00:02] Alvin     Monsters threaten human life. [00:05] Alvin     They are opposed by brave adventurers! [00:10] Alvin     And I, Alvin, am one of them! [00:15] Alvin     Now in a party with Carla, the healer, [00:18] Alvin     my journey continues! SIGN    Don't Hurt Me, SIGN    Don't Hurt Me, SIGN    My Healer! SIGN    This show is fairly unique in that Carla is the only recurring female character... [01:57] Carla     Another peaceful day. [01:58] Alvin     Yeah... [02:00] Alvin     But peace isn't exactly     conducive to leveling up. [02:03] Alvin     Wonder where we could find some monsters... [02:06] Carla     Weak ones, you mean? [02:07] Alvin     Shut up. [02:10] Alvin     Is that... [02:14] Alvin     Someone's collapsed over there! [02:15] Alvin     Attacked by a monster, perhaps? [02:18] Carla     Never mind that, Alvin-san! [02:20] Carla     Hurry! [02:22] Alvin     Right! [02:23] Carla     Hurry up and bury them! [02:24] Alvin     Don't jump to conclusions! [02:25] Alvin     You can't just assume a     person like that is dead! [02:28] Carla     But nine times out of ten, when you see     someone collapsed on the road, they're dead. [02:33] Alvin     We don't know that for sure! [02:34] Carla     Very well. [02:36] Carla     We just have to check first, then? [02:38] Alvin     Of course we do! [02:41] Carla     And after we check, we can bury them? [02:43] Alvin     That depends on what we find! [02:45] Carla     You think we might find that     cremation is preferable? [02:48] Carla     Which is better, that or burial? [02:50] Alvin     At least consider the chance     that he might be alive! [02:53] Alvin     Fine, forget you. [02:54] Alvin     I'll check him myself! [02:56] Alvin     Shoo, shoo. [02:58] Kinoko     Stop! [03:00] Kinoko     Hang on just a mushroom! [03:01] Alvin     What now? [03:02] Alvin     And have you been here this whole time? [03:03] Kinoko     It's not safe to approach so incautiously. [03:06] Kinoko     Some monsters pretend to be     human to get your guard down. [03:11] Kinoko     There's no guarantee that's a person! [03:14] Alvin     Good point. [03:15] Kinoko     Gosh. Shouldn't you do a little studying     before you become an adventurer? [03:20] Alvin     I don't like hearing that from a monster... [03:22] Alvin     But there's also a chance     that they really are human... [03:26] Kinoko     Then why not call out to them first? [03:29] Carla     By all means, Alvin-san, go ahead. [03:30] Alvin     Me?! [03:32] Alvin     Fine, but... [03:34] Alvin     Hey! Are you alive? [03:37] Carla     That seems a bit insensitive. [03:40] Alvin     Hey! How you doing? [03:42] Carla     More friendly! [03:43] Alvin     Wanna go out for tea together? [03:46] Carla     Sorry. You're not my type. [03:49] Alvin     I wasn't talking to you! [03:51] Alvin     And why are you making me say these things? [03:53] Carla     Only a cockroach of a man would     say exactly what he's told to. [04:03] Alvin     He's moving! [04:04] Alvin     Thank goodness! He's alive! [04:07] Alvin     That means we won't have to bury him! [04:11] Alvin     No, he really is dead! [04:12] Alvin     We really should have buried him! [04:22] Alvin     Hang on. Can this zombie not stand up? [04:30] Alvin     Awesome! Even I can beat this thing! [04:32] Carla     Don't you dare! [04:33] Carla     Don't his attempts to stand     inspire any feeling in you? [04:38] Alvin     The feeling that I can beat him, sure! [04:40] Carla     Even zombies are just trying     to live their lives! [04:43] Alvin     But they're dead! [04:45] Alvin     And you're the one who wanted to bury him! [04:47] Carla     I was moved by his passion! [04:55] Carla     Don't give up! [04:57] Carla     Don't let the rot take your spirit, too! [04:58] Kinoko     Give it your best! [05:04] Carla     Almost there! [05:09] Carla     One more time! [05:48] Alvin     Come on, man! Give it all you got! [06:01] Carla     H-He stood up! [06:04] Carla     The zombie... [06:05] Carla     The zombie stood up! [06:08] Kinoko     The zombie stood up! [06:10] Kinoko     The zombie stood up! [06:12] Kinoko     The zombie— [06:14] Kinoko     The zombie... stood up! [06:26] Carla     I've never seen anything so moving! [06:28] Kinoko     It's awesome! [06:33] Alvin     You... [06:35] Alvin     You have true grit. [06:40] Alvin     What? [06:46] Carla     H-His head! [06:48] Alvin     I didn't... [06:49] Alvin     I didn't do it on purpose! [06:51] Carla     Y-You killed him! [06:53] Alvin     But he was already dead! [07:02] Alvin     We did bury him, at least... [07:05] Alvin     But aren't zombies supposed     to come back to life? [07:08] Carla     There's no need to worry. [07:10] Carla     The prayers of one with a holy     spirit can purify his soul. [07:15] Alvin     So, not you, then? [07:16] Carla     Sorrowful being, wandering this     world even after death... [07:21] Carla     Find peaceful slumber, and     when the dawn comes... [07:24] Carla     Awaken! [07:26] Alvin     Why are you waking him up?! [07:30] Alvin     See? You woke him up! [07:33] Carla     Oh, drat! [07:34] Carla     I accidentally rejuvenated him. [07:37] Alvin     That's not rejuvenation! [07:39] Zobita     So, this is holy power! [07:42] Zobita     I feel so refreshed! [07:44] Alvin     But you're still decapitated! [07:46] Zobita     Thank you for waking me up! [07:48] Zobita     I am Zobita, the zombie! [07:50] Alvin     What a lazy name. [07:53] Carla     I am Carla. [07:54] Carla     A bonafide healer! [07:56] Alvin     Bonafide? Don't make me laugh. [07:59] Carla     And this is Alvin-san, the laughingstock. [08:02] Alvin     I'm a warrior! [08:03] Kinoko     And I am the beloved mascot— [08:05] Alvin     Shut up, would you? [08:06] Zobita     A healer, a laughingstock, and a mushroom. [08:09] Zobita     What an unusual party! [08:11] Carla     He just called us unusual, Alvin-san! [08:14] Alvin     Isn't that a nice compliment, Carla? [08:16] Zobita     Are you adventurers? [08:18] Zobita     What a happy coincidence! [08:21] Zobita     Can I ask you for a favor? [08:23] Carla     Very well. We'll do it! [08:24] Alvin     Not so fast! [08:26] Alvin     We don't take requests from monsters! [08:28] Carla     But we could earn his gratitude. [08:30] Alvin     She's so damned obvious! [08:31] Carla     I'm obviously trying to get him in my debt. [08:36] Alvin     Do you have any motives     that aren't ulterior ones? [08:38] Alvin     And you never got any better at that wink... [08:40] Carla     Now, what's the favor you wanted to ask? [08:43] Zobita     It is... [08:48] Zobita     Revenge! SIGN    Revenge SIGN    Revenge [08:54] carla     Let's review. SIGN    Review [08:56] Alvin     Great idea. Shut up and do that. [08:59] Alvin     Revenge is a messy business, though. [09:02] Alvin     Care to fill us in on the story? [09:03] Carla     His grades must be down,     since he didn't review enough. [09:06] Alvin     Don't make fun! [09:08] Zobita     Down this road lies a graveyard so old,     that all people have forgotten its name. [09:13] Zobita     That is where... [09:18] Zobita     I served as leader of the all-zombie     dance troupe, Be Zombitious! [09:23] Alvin     We are talking about revenge, aren't we? [09:26] Zobita     Then one day, out of the blue... [09:29] Zobita     a terrible necromancer arrived! [09:36] Carla     It wasn't me! [09:38] Carla     Remember, I'm a healer! [09:40] Alvin     I didn't say anything. [09:42] Zobita     The necromancer's level was so high... [09:45] Zobita     And one after another, my fellow     zombies became taken in... [09:49] Alvin     I have heard that high-level necromancers     can enslave the souls of the dead... [09:57] Zobita     Taken in by her amazing dance skills! [10:01] (Flashback) Zombie B     Oh! [10:02] (Flashback) Zombie A     So cool! [10:04] Alvin     She sounds more like a dancer! [10:07] Zobita     I can't let her dancing be better     than mine, the group leader! [10:12] Zobita     I want revenge against     her for humiliating me! [10:15] Alvin     This sounds more like a petty grudge. [10:17] Carla     Whatever the reason, [10:19] Carla     we can hardly leave a necromancer at large. [10:21] Carla     We will help you achieve your revenge! [10:24] Alvin     I know someone even worse is     being left at large, myself. [10:28] Carla     Still, I do think this job is for us. [10:31] Alvin     How so? [10:33] Carla     Necromancers are weak against holy power. [10:36] Carla     In other words, I hold the advantage! [10:38] Alvin     You don't have holy anything. [10:40] Carla     And you're a master dancer, Alvin-san! [10:44] Carla     When someone's pulling your     strings, you dance so good! [10:47] Carla     Wee, wee! [10:48] Kinoko     Wee, wee! [10:50] Alvin     Don't want to be good at that! [10:52] Carla     Now, let's go! [10:54] Carla     To the unknown graveyard! [10:56] Alvin     Wait! You're really going?! [10:58] Zobita     Thanks for the help! [11:13] Carla     W-Wait a minute! [11:17] Carla     Wait a minute! Stop! [11:22] Carla     Why are you running away? [11:27] Carla     This fast zombie trend is     such a problem for me. [11:31] Alvin     Hey, Carla. What in the world are you— [11:34] Alvin     What is that in your hands? [11:36] Carla     I call it the flame of salvation. [11:39] Carla     It purges the souls of the dead with fire. [11:42] Carla     It's the holy magic of Hell. [11:44] Alvin     There is no holiness or salvation     in anything you're saying. [11:48] Alvin     And have you forgotten that we came to     this graveyard for the necromancer? [11:52] Carla     It's all right. [11:54] Carla     If we start enough trouble,     she'll come to us eventually. [11:57] Maria     Excuse me. [11:58] Maria     I heard a bit of noise out here. [12:01] Maria     Is something the matter? [12:03] Carla     See? She came to us! [12:05] Alvin     Wait... are you the necromancer? [12:09] Maria     O-Oh, I beg your pardon! [12:11] Maria     I do indeed work as a necromancer. [12:14] Maria     My name is Maria Deathflame. [12:17] Maria     It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance. [12:19] Alvin     She's not exactly what I was expecting. [12:22] Carla     She's totally ripping me off. [12:24] Alvin     Only on the "Deathflame" part. [12:27] Alvin     It's a pleasure to meet you. [12:29] Alvin     I am Alvin. [12:30] Alvin     This is Carla. [12:32] Maria     Alvin-san and Carla-san. [12:34] Maria     What lovely names! [12:36] Alvin     Y-You think so? [12:38] Alvin     You're making me blush... [12:39] Carla     I think Alvin is a wonderful name, too! [12:42] Carla     It's better than you deserve! [12:44] Alvin     Oh, really? That pisses me off. [12:46] Maria     What brings you two here? [12:49] Maria     This is a forgotten graveyard, so I     doubt you're here to see a grave... [12:55] Carla     We are here to see a grave, actually. [12:57] Carla     Yours! [12:58] Alvin     Just a moment, please! [13:00] Alvin     Why are you threatening violence? [13:02] Alvin     Are you trying to start a war? [13:04] Carla     Zobita-san asked us to     get revenge, remember? [13:07] Alvin     That's just him being petty! [13:09] Alvin     Besides, we're currently trying     to convince him to reconsider! [13:13] Zobita     Wait! The warrior is that weak? [13:16] Kinoko     You'd have a better chance     in there than Alvin. [13:21] Kinoko     So you should really just ditch     this whole revenge idea. [13:23] Zobita     Fair enough. [13:25] Carla     But a necromancer uses the dead!     It's blasphemy! [13:29] Carla     We can't just leave her at large! [13:31] Alvin     I don't want to hear that from someone who     blasphemes both the living and the dead. [13:34] Carla     I know she looks beautiful, [13:37] Carla     but she's evil inside! [13:39] Alvin     What's that supposed to be,     your new introduction? [13:42] Carla     L-Look! [13:43] Alvin     And keep your voice down already! [13:46] Carla     She's controlling all of those zombies! [13:49] Zombie A     Maria-sama, hello! [13:51] Maria     Hello! [13:52] Zombie C     It's Maria-sama! [13:54] Zombie B     Dance for us again, won't you? [13:56] Alvin     It looks more like they     just really like her. [14:00] Carla     I think she has blackmail material on them! [14:03] Alvin     Why would she bother? [14:06] Carla     It's what I'd do. [14:07] Alvin     Maybe you should think about that! [14:08] Zombie A     Hey! [14:09] Zombie A     Are you guys badmouthing Maria-sama? [14:13] Alvin     No, I... [14:15] Zombie B     What's that?! [14:16] Zombie C     Hey, she's the one who was     chasing us around earlier! [14:19] Zombie B     And she's a healer, isn't she?! [14:21] Zombie B     The enemy of undead everywhere! [14:22] Zombie A     You're here to hurt Maria-sama, aren't you?! [14:25] Carla     Hold on a minute. [14:26] Carla     We can talk this out. [14:28] Alvin     That's right! [14:29] Carla     With our fists! [14:31] Alvin     Just shut up already! SIGN    Maria♥ [14:35] Zombie C     You've shown your true face! [14:37] Zombie A     Malevolent healer! [14:38] Zombie B     We won't let you lay one hand on Maria-sama! [14:41] Maria     No fighting, everyone! [14:43] Maria     And remember, Carla is a holy woman! [14:46] Maria     There's no way you can beat her! [14:48] Zombie C     Even if it's a bad match-up for us, [14:50] Zombie C     we will protect Maria-sama! [14:53] Zombie A     Get to safety while you can, Maria-sama! [14:55] Zombie B     Bring it on! [14:56] Alvin     They're totally making us the villains here. [14:59] Carla     They're like knights     protecting their princess. [15:02] Zombie C     We won't run this time! [15:04] Zombie B     You won't beat us! [15:07] Carla     Fighting to protect someone     important to you... [15:10] Carla     It's pretty cool. [15:12] Alvin     It is cool. [15:14] Carla     Alvin-san. [15:15] Carla     You have someone you could protect, too. [15:17] Alvin     Right, got it covered. [15:22] Carla     So...? [15:23] Alvin     Shut up! [15:25] Alvin     Fine, I'll play along. [15:30] Alvin     I'm technically a frontline fighter, too! [15:33] Alvin     I won't let you harm Carla! [15:36] Alvin     Is that what you wanted? [15:37] Carla     Alvin-san! [15:41] Carla     I don't think you can win, though. [15:43] Carla     Is this a joke? [15:47] Alvin     Okay! [15:52] Carla     Is he trying to get himself killed? [15:59] Alvin     Now, bring it! [16:02] Carla     Traitor! How dare you?! [16:04] Alvin     Shut up! Stupid, stupid, stupid! [16:21] Alvin     Damn it! Let me out! [16:25] Carla     Goodness me. [16:26] Carla     Struggling won't get you anywhere. [16:28] Carla     Conserve your strength. [16:31] Carla     It's your own fault for     betraying me back there. [16:36] Alvin     And, speaking of which... [16:38] Alvin     Why am I the only one in here?! [16:41] Carla     Because I'm the one who arrested you. [16:44] Carla     Why would the person doing the     arresting up in the jail? [16:47] (Flashback) Alvin     Uncle! Uncle! [16:49] (Flashback) Carla     I've captured the traitor! [16:51] (Flashback) Carla     Throw him in jail! [16:52] Carla     But thanks to you, we avoided a fight, [16:55] Carla     and nobody got hurt! [16:57] Alvin     Except for my pride, which is in tatters. [17:00] Carla     Oh, goodness! [17:02] Carla     Maybe you'd be better off without it? [17:03] Alvin     Hey! [17:05] Carla     At any rate, the zombies are currently     discussing what to do with you. [17:10] Carla     Once they realize you're worthless,     they'll release you. [17:13] Alvin     Phrasing, please! [17:17] Alvin     Maria-san? [17:19] Maria     I'm sorry, you two. [17:21] Maria     I didn't mean for this to happen. [17:23] Alvin     Really, there's no need     for you to apologize! [17:26] Carla     That's right. [17:27] Carla     Just be more careful in     the future, all right? [17:30] Alvin     You should be careful all the time! [17:32] Maria     I'm sorry. [17:33] Maria     But I... [17:35] Maria     They had a discussion earlier,     and they're considering... [17:38] Maria     "That warrior... maybe we should     turn him into a zombie." [17:44] Alvin     Hang on! Are you saying     they're going to kill me? [17:47] Carla     But he's already in jail! That's dead     as far as society is concerned! [17:50] Alvin     I'm not dead! [17:51] Alvin     And you're the one who threw me in here! [17:53] Maria     They all appear to want to     make new zombies for my sake. [17:59] Maria     But I don't think it's right to make     someone a zombie without their consent. [18:03] Maria     So I brought the key to the cell. [18:05] Maria     I want you to escape! [18:06] Alvin     You're sure? [18:08] Maria     I haven't told the zombies. [18:12] Maria     This will be our little secret. [18:14] Alvin     What an angel! [18:16] Carla     You called? [18:17] Alvin     Not you! [18:18] Carla     Wait just a minute. [18:20] Carla     As Alvin-san's companion,     it is my duty to save him. [18:24] Alvin     You're the reason I'm in here! [18:27] Alvin     And you don't even have the key! [18:29] Carla     I do have an unlock spell! [18:32] Carla     It works by blowing up the lock! [18:34] Alvin     What are you, a saboteur?! [18:36] Carla     This is a good opportunity. [18:38] Carla     Let's compete to see who     can save Alvin-san first! [18:42] Carla     Against a necromancer of darkness, [18:44] Carla     a healer of light could not possibly lose! [18:47] Alvin     You got the darkness and light backwards. [18:50] Alvin     But all Maria-san has to do     is unlock the door, so... [18:54] Maria     Except... [18:55] Maria     I'm not sure which key it is now! [18:58] Alvin     So many! [18:59] Maria     What will I do?! [19:00] Alvin     N-No problem! [19:02] Alvin     Just remain calm and try them one at a time! [19:04] Carla     That's right. [19:05] Carla     Just stay calm and go slow. [19:07] Carla     I'll enjoy my final conversation     with Alvin-san the same way. [19:11] Carla     This was a competition     to save me, wasn't it?! [19:13] Carla     Let me recite my chant. [19:15] Maria     Let me see... Let me see... [19:19] Maria     This one doesn't fit, either... [19:22] Alvin     You're doing fine. [19:23] Alvin     Just try the next key! [19:26] Carla     Ten... [19:29] Carla     Nine... [19:32] Alvin     Eh? [19:32] Carla     Eight... [19:33] Alvin     Maria-san, I think you     tried that one already! [19:35] Carla     Seven... [19:35] Maria     What? What? [19:38] Maria     Which is it? Which is it?! [19:38] Carla     Four... [19:39] Alvin     Why did you skip a number?! [19:41] Alvin     Stop the countdown! [19:42] Carla     Three... [19:45] Maria     Th-The pressure is... [19:45] Carla     Two... [19:48] Alvin     Are you all right? [19:48] Carla     One... [19:50] Maria     I'm sorry. [19:51] Maria     I'm sorry! [19:53] Maria     I'm sorry... [19:55] Maria     Let me see... [19:56] Maria     I'm sorry. [19:59] Maria     Um... Um... [20:01] Carla     I can't watch this. [20:03] Maria     Carla-san, what about your chant? [20:05] Carla     Never mind that. [20:07] Carla     Let's start by eliminating the keys     that obviously won't fit the hole. [20:12] Maria     R-Right. [20:13] Carla     Is this even a key? [20:15] Carla     You really should put     labels on these things. [20:19] Carla     Or maybe split them up based on purpose. [20:22] Maria     Yes, you're right. [20:23] Maria     I'll start doing that from now on. [20:25] Carla     Watching you has made me think. [20:27] Carla     You're actually rather hopeless, aren't you? [20:32] Carla     What's so funny? [20:34] Maria     Oh, I'm sorry. [20:36] Maria     I was thinking,     you're kinder than you seemed. [20:54] Carla     Thank you. [21:06] Alvin     Hang on a minute. [21:07] Alvin     Carla, kind? [21:10] Alvin     Yeah, right. Don't make me laugh! [21:12] Alvin     Kind? More like bizarre! [21:25] Alvin     Uh, what just happened? [21:28] Maria     Stay over tonight, would you? [21:30] Carla     If it comes with food, sure. [21:34] Alvin     H-Hang on, you two! [21:36] Alvin     You haven't unlocked the door yet! [21:39] Alvin     Why?! [21:40] Alvin     Hey! [21:43] Alvin     Hey! [21:45] Alvin     Hey... [21:47] Alvin     Unlock the— SIGN    Next Time [23:26] Maria     Are you sure you want me doing the preview? [23:29] Maria     As you know, I work as a necromancer, [23:33] Maria     and my name is Maria Deathflame. [23:34] Maria     I'll be introducing the next episode now. [23:36] Maria     I hope you please watch it! SIGN    See you then! SIGN    "Thanks to Altargaia (reminder: this is the mushroom's name),     Alvin gets out of the cell safe and sound but now that Carla and     Maria are unexpectedly getting along they continue leading him     around by the nose and it happens that Maria has a sweet little     sister named Ellie and while avoiding spoilers regarding     what trouble Ellie's gotten into it does concern Maria's status     as a necromancer but I hope you won't get your hopes up for     another cute female character to appear but in exchange     Carla will attempt an unusual cosplay so that's the part you can     look forward to and that's the deal with episode 8." [23:37] Maria     Now! Next week's title is— E8 - Thanks to Altargaia (reminder: this is the mushroom's name)... Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) [00:02] Alvin     Monsters threaten human life. [00:05] Alvin     They are opposed by brave adventurers! [00:10] Alvin     And I, Alvin, am one of them! [00:15] Alvin     Now in a party with Carla, the healer, [00:18] Alvin     my journey continues! SIGN    Don't Hurt Me, SIGN    Don't Hurt Me, SIGN    My Healer! SIGN    Thanks to Altargaia (reminder: this is the mushroom's name)... [01:54] Alvin     Hurry! We don't wanna     be turned into zombies! [02:03] Alvin     Let's take a break. [02:05] Alvin     Boy, what a mess. [02:08] Alvin     But, seriously... [02:10] Alvin     Thanks a lot for saving me. [02:12] Kinoko     Hey, no problem! [02:14] Kinoko     Oh, and I got this back for you. [02:17] Alvin     Hey, thanks! [02:20] Kinoko     But... [02:21] Kinoko     I can't believe you're so weak     you can't even bend iron bars. [02:27] Alvin     I think most humans can't, actually! [02:31] Alvin     I think you're the one who's     way stronger than you look— [02:35] Kinoko     Hey! Big Sis Carla! [02:40] Carla     F-Fugitive! [02:42] Alvin     Don't make it sound sordid! [02:44] Carla     Just kidding. It's a joke. [02:46] Carla     That must have been some     hard time you served. [02:48] Alvin     Can you please not make it     sound like I'm an ex-con? [02:51] Maria     Alvin-san! [02:52] Maria     Carla-chan convinced the zombies     not to turn you into one of them! [02:57] Alvin     You did? [02:59] Carla     P-Please, don't get the wrong idea... [03:01] Carla     I merely explained that it would     do them more harm than good. [03:07] Carla     There's no need to thank me. [03:08] Alvin     That must have been a very rousing speech. [03:12] Alvin     By the way, I've been wondering... [03:14] Alvin     What is that? [03:18] Carla     Oh, that? [03:19] Carla     It's a magic circle designed to bring     back the soul of Maria-san's sister. [03:23] Alvin     Her sister's soul? [03:25] Alvin     Are you saying she's... your     sister is... you know... [03:30] Maria     It's all right to ask. [03:32] Maria     My sister was very foolish. [03:46] Maria     She was a girl who loved     to invent new games. [03:49] Maria     I never thought... [03:51] Maria     I never thought she'd try an astral projection     game and end up a wandering spirit! [03:55] Alvin     That is an unusual story. [03:57] Kinoko     So you've been wandering graveyards     looking for your sister's soul? [04:02] Kinoko     Cemeteries do tend to     attract them, after all. [04:05] Kinoko     If her soul were in the land of the     dead, I could call it back, but... [04:08] Kinoko     For better or for worse,     it appears to still be wandering. [04:14] Carla     And that's when the all-purpose healer     who can also use summoning magic [04:17] Carla     enters the picture! [04:19] Alvin     Too bad you're worthless as a healer! [04:21] Alvin     So, are you saying you can do it? [04:23] Carla     A foolish question! As expected! [04:24] Carla     For me, it's a greasy steak! [04:27] Alvin     You mean piece of cake? [04:28] Carla     Easy as delta! [04:30] Alvin     You mean easy as pie? [04:31] Carla     But I can't do it all on my own. [04:34] Carla     So please, Maria-san, take my hand. [04:37] Maria     Your hand? [04:38] Carla     Yes. [04:40] Carla     Now think hard about your sister. [04:44] Carla     I will infuse those thoughts     with magic power, [04:46] Carla     and channel them into the circle. [04:48] Carla     If all goes well, your sister     will be drawn to your thoughts, [04:51] Carla     and I'll be able to summon her. [04:54] Carla     And then, Alvin-san... [04:55] Alvin     Oh? Is there some way I can help?! [04:57] Carla     Please stand there and watch attentively! [05:00] Alvin     Did I need to hear that? [05:03] Carla     Let us begin, Maria-san! [05:06] Ria     Yes! [05:17] Alvin     It's very quiet. [05:20] Alvin     It's getting cloudy? [05:24] Kinoko     Alvin... [05:25] Kinoko     Look! [05:26] Alvin     What? [05:43] Alvin     Hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it! [05:44] Alvin     Carla, stop! Open your eyes! [05:46] Alvin     Stop! [05:48] Carla     What is it? I'm trying to focus! [05:50] Alvin     This is really not the time! [05:52] Alvin     That thing looks freaky! [05:54] Alvin     You called up a freaky thing! [05:55] Carla     What are you so upset about? [06:12] Carla     What is that? [06:13] Alvin     That's what I was asking! [06:18] Carla     Maria-san! [06:19] Alvin     Get hold of your senses! [06:20] Alvin     I'm afraid it was a failure! [06:22] Alvin     No time for the spell!     We need to get out of here! [06:24] Maria     Ellie! [06:27] Maria     I finally found you! [06:30] Ellie     Sister? [06:34] Alvin     That's your sister?! [06:43] Carla     Mwa ha ha! [06:46] Carla     I have possessed the body of     this beautiful young girl! [06:49] Maria     B-But not for long! [06:52] Maria     Holy Beam! [06:53] Carla     Ugh! [06:57] Carla     Erk... Oh, the pain! [07:01] Alvin     Uh. What in the world are you doing? [07:03] Maria     Um, now... [07:06] Maria     Release Carla-chan's body     now, filthy specter! [07:11] Alvin     Seriously, what are you doing? [07:13] Alvin     Are you listening? [07:18] Alvin     Seriously, what the hell are you doing?! [07:20] Maria     I'm sorry. [07:21] Maria     Ellie really wanted to play this game     while she was still a disembodied soul. [07:26] Alvin     This is one heck of an avant-garde game! [07:30] Maria     I played the righteous healer. [07:33] Maria     Carla-chan played the necromancer     possessed by the evil spirit. [07:37] Maria     And Ellie was playing     the evil spirit itself! [07:39] Alvin     That casting seems pretty spot-on. [07:41] Ellie     Are you saying I look like an evil spirit?! [07:44] Alvin     O-Of course not!     It's just a figure of speech! [07:47] Alvin     Please don't kill me! [07:49] Carla     And it's odd to call me     a necromancer, isn't it? [07:53] Carla     Isn't it? [07:53] Alvin     I think it's perfect casting, personally! SIGN    Perfect SIGN    Perfect [07:56] Maria     Now, Ellie. [07:57] Maria     If you're satisfied,     won't you return to your body? [07:59] Ellie     Yes! [08:00] Alvin     Speaking of which, where is     your little sister's body? [08:03] Maria     Oh, I left it back there. [08:06] Maria     I'll bring it now. [08:08] Alvin     She's been carrying her little     sister's body all around with her? [08:11] Ellie     A body without a soul will rot if you don't cast     anti-putrefaction spells on it from time to time! [08:16] Alvin     I see! [08:18] Maria     Here we are! [08:21] Alvin     She's carrying her! [08:22] Alvin     And it's a really bad look! [08:26] Alvin     You've been carrying her     around just like that? [08:29] Maria     Ellie's a little girl. She's easy to carry. [08:31] Alvin     That's not what I meant! [08:33] Ellie     It's been so long! [08:35] Carla     Wow. So this is Ellie-san's body? [08:42] Alvin     Who's that? [08:43] Carla     It's Ellie-san, of course! [08:45] Ellie     Yeah, me! [08:46] Alvin     They don't look anything alike! [08:49] Maria     The soul's appearance reflects     a person's mental state, [08:52] Maria     so there may be a slight difference. [08:55] Alvin     That doesn't fit any definition     of "slight" that I know of. [08:58] Ellie     Okay, I'm heading back in! [09:17] Alvin     Hey! Is she in pain?! [09:20] Maria     Ellie! [09:21] Carla     Goodness! It's because she dived     back in without stretching first! [09:25] Alvin     I don't think that's it! [09:27] Carla     Get back, both of you! [09:28] Carla     Leave this to me! [09:32] Carla     I'll cast a sedation spell! [09:35] Alvin     Brute force! [09:36] Carla     There. She seems to have calmed down. [09:39] Alvin     Because you put her down! With brute force! [09:43] Maria     Ellie, wake up! [09:49] Maria     Ellie! [09:51] Ellie     What? Am I back in my body? [09:55] Maria     Yes. You're all back to normal! [09:57] Carla     Good grief. Well, you seem     to be completely recovered. [10:01] Ellie     Big Sis Carla, you saved me! [10:03] Ellie     Though it did hurt for     a minute back there... [10:09] Ellie     But I'm back in my body! [10:12] Alvin     I guess it averaged out? [10:19] Maria     I suppose we'll be on our way. [10:22] Maria     Thank you for everything. [10:24] Ellie     Thank you, Big Sis Carla! [10:28] Carla     Under normal circumstances, I couldn't     allow a necromancer to remain at large... [10:31] Carla     but I suppose I'll let you go, this time. [10:34] Maria     Thank you very much. [10:37] Carla     But next time, I play the healer, okay? [10:41] Maria     Right! [10:56] Maria     Now, let's return to our village. [10:59] Ellie     Right! [11:00] Maria     Oh, right... [11:01] Maria     I should really say goodbye     to the zombies first. [11:04] Ellie     Goodbye! [11:07] Ellie     Come by our village any time! [11:09] Ellie     I'd love to play again sometime! [11:21] Alvin     Looks like they're gone. [11:27] Alvin     It's not really worth crying over, is it? [11:29] Carla     But... [11:30] Alvin     Come on. Making friends is     a good thing, isn't it? [11:34] Alvin     So don't cry! Cheer up! [11:37] Carla     Yes. That's right. [11:40] Carla     I did make friends, didn't I? [11:45] Carla     Friends that you don't have. [11:47] Alvin     Fine, cry! [11:59] Alvin     Maria-san was such a nice person. [12:02] Alvin     So elegant, and with such a kind smile... [12:05] Alvin     Is that what they call a     rejuvenating personality? [12:08] Alvin     That's right. [12:11] Alvin     Well, Carla? [12:15] Alvin     Is that what they call a     rejuvenating personality? [12:18] Carla     Why did you say it twice?! [12:20] Alvin     I could say it more times than that! [12:21] Alvin     Is that what they call a     rejuvenating personality?! [12:22] Carla     Enough! I get the point! [12:25] Carla     I completely understand     what you're trying to say! [12:28] Carla     Good grief. [12:29] Carla     Are you saying you've had enough     of her amateur rejuvenation, [12:33] Carla     and you're ready to turn to a professional?! [12:37] Alvin     I've never seen anyone     so lacking in telepathy. [12:40] Carla     But very well. [12:42] Carla     You do seem to have built     up a lot of stress. [12:47] Carla     I'll use a variety of mental care     techniques to reset that for you. [12:51] Carla     Cool, huh? [12:52] Alvin     I doubt it. [12:53] Alvin     I'm still in the process     of building up stress. [12:56] Carla     What kind of things do     you find rejuvenating? [12:59] Alvin     You could shut up, for a start! [13:07] Carla     You mean... [13:09] Carla     All you need is me, silently, by your side?! [13:15] Alvin     How'd you manage to spin that one? [13:17] Carla     Th-This is all really quite sudden... [13:20] Carla     Honestly, I can't believe you     resorted to such a cliché! [13:23] Alvin     I didn't say it! [13:25] Carla     Oh, goodness gracious... [13:27] Carla     Such a proposal is... [13:30] Carla     Disgusting. I might vomit. [13:33] Alvin     I might get mad. [13:35] Carla     I feel better now. [13:36] Carla     I managed to hold it in. [13:38] Carla     Safe! [13:40] Alvin     I see. I managed to hold it in, too. [13:43] Carla     But if you consider my mere     presence rejuvenating, [13:45] Carla     then how did you end up with so much stress? [13:48] Carla     It's an unsolvable mystery. [13:50] Alvin     Solve it! [13:52] Kinoko     Maybe he's built up a     tolerance through exposure. [13:55] Alvin     Yeah, like acquiring     resistance to a toxin... [13:59] Alvin     Wait, are you still here? [14:01] Carla     In other words, we've lost our spark! [14:05] Carla     In that case... [14:08] Carla     Hey, hey! Big Brother Alvin! [14:11] Carla     Kyapi! [14:12] Carla     Cawwa is hunggy! [14:15] Carla     Kyapi! [14:16] Carla     Pwease buy samwiches and miwk wight away! [14:19] Carla     Kyapi! [14:20] Alvin     I'm gonna punch that speech     tic right out of you! [14:22] Carla     What, that wasn't rejuvenating? [14:24] Carla     I was was going for the     "needy little sister" archetype. [14:26] Alvin     That's an insult to little     sisters everywhere! [14:29] Alvin     And your performance of     it was absolute trash. [14:32] Carla     And of course, you're not the right     age to be an older brother... [14:38] Alvin     Yes, but that's not the point! [14:40] Carla     Good grief. [14:41] Carla     I'll just have to bust     out my ace in the hole. [14:45] Alvin     Am I still trapped in this circle of hell? [14:47] Carla     Fetch that! [14:49] Kinoko     Got it! [14:50] Carla     Wait over there while I     get ready, Alvin-san. [14:55] Alvin     Yeah, yeah. [14:56] Alvin     I'll keep playing along. [15:03] Carla     I'm ready! [15:07] Carla     Meow! [15:09] Carla     What do you think? Meow! [15:11] Carla     Cats represent true rejuvenation of spirit! [15:13] Carla     Cat girls even more so! [15:14] Carla     Meow! [15:16] Carla     And as healers like me are     synonymous with rejuvenation, [15:20] Carla     combined, our effect is a hundred fold! [15:22] Carla     Meow! SIGN    Meooow [15:22] Carla     Meooow! [15:26] Carla     Triumph! [15:29] Carla     And the "Meow" speech tic increases     the healing further, meow! [15:33] Alvin     Where the world did you get that thing? [15:36] Alvin     In fact... [15:37] Alvin     Don't you feel embarrassed     to be dressed up like that? [15:40] Alvin     But, well, if that's how     you're comfortable... [15:49] Carla     What in the world are you making me wear?! [15:51] Carla     Damn you! [15:53] Alvin     You put it on yourself! [16:04] Alvin     What is it? [16:06] Carla     Regarding you, Alvin-san... [16:09] Alvin     Me? [16:10] Alvin     Are you about to insult me? [16:11] Carla     No... [16:13] Carla     Earlier, I proved that I was a     rejuvenating archetype, but... [16:18] Alvin     Actually, you're the only     one who thinks that. [16:20] Carla     But although you're mostly useless, I've been     trying to think on your positive qualities... [16:26] Carla     And I've been struggling     to think of anything. [16:28] Alvin     Yep, there's the insult. [16:30] Alvin     So? Have you figured out     my positive qualities? [16:34] Carla     First! [16:35] Carla     Tell me my positive qualities! [16:39] Alvin     Why, though? [16:40] Carla     And if you say "none,"     then, as punishment... [16:43] Carla     I will list out your negative qualities! [16:46] Carla     Twenty-four hours a day. [16:48] Alvin     Twenty-four hours a day?! [16:49] Alvin     But, seriously... [16:51] Alvin     The only thing you have going     for you is your looks— [16:55] Carla     What did you just say?! [16:56] Alvin     W-Well... it's true. [16:58] Carla     Say it louder! Go on! [17:01] Alvin     You're more desperate than I thought. [17:03] Alvin     Okay, it's your turn. [17:05] Alvin     Go on, say it! [17:07] Alvin     My positive qualities! [17:13] Alvin     What? [17:14] Alvin     And you'd better not say "None"! [17:16] Alvin     Well? [17:17] Alvin     Go on! [17:19] Alvin     Are you ignoring me? [17:21] Carla     You're so desperate it's pathetic. [17:24] Carla     I can't stand to watch. [17:26] Alvin     Just say something! [17:27] Carla     Well, then... [17:28] Carla     I would say my answer is the same. [17:31] Alvin     What? You think my looks are— [17:35] Carla     Yes, that's something I     really like about you. [17:39] Carla     It's very considerate,     the way you hide them from view! [17:41] Alvin     That's an freakin' insult! [17:45] Kinoko     I never get bored around you two! SIGN    Depressed [18:04] Carla     What's the matter, Alvin-san? [18:07] Alvin     I lost my sword. [18:10] Carla     Oh, gosh... [18:12] Alvin     Don't sit on me! [18:15] Carla     You weren't inviting me to have a seat? [18:18] Alvin     Of course not! I'm depressed! [18:21] Carla     What a waste of a sit. [18:25] Carla     And up I go. [18:26] Alvin     You little... [18:28] Carla     Do you remember where you last had it? [18:33] Alvin     I know I had it when we said goodbye     to Maria-san and her sister... [18:38] Carla     But you do barely use that sword... [18:42] Carla     Maybe just let it go? [18:43] Alvin     H-Hey! [18:44] Alvin     I do use it, sometimes! [18:46] Alvin     A sword is like a warrior's soul! [18:49] Carla     Really? [18:50] Carla     It's kind of impressive that you     lost something so important... [18:53] Carla     Is it your special skill? [18:55] Alvin     Damn it! I set her up for that one! SIGN    Severely Depressed [19:01] Alvin     Maybe I'll just buy a new one... [19:04] Carla     Don't do that! [19:05] Carla     It's a waste! [19:07] Alvin     A waste of money? [19:09] Alvin     Or are you saying a sword is wasted on me? [19:13] Carla     Both. [19:14] Alvin     Yeah, figured! [19:16] Carla     I know! [19:17] Carla     I have a great idea! [19:23] Carla     Ta-da! [19:25] Alvin     A crystal ball? [19:26] Carla     Yes. [19:28] Carla     It will show us where you lost the sword. [19:32] Alvin     What, you can do divination now? [19:35] Carla     Such a foolish question. Typical Alvin-san. SIGN    Foolish Question SIGN    Foolish Question [19:40] Carla     I've seen people do it! [19:41] sign     Foolish Answer [19:41] sign     Foolish Answer [19:41] Alvin     Don't respond with a foolish answer! [19:46] Carla     Just watch. [19:48] Carla     O, crystal ball! [19:50] Carla     Reveal to me the location     of Alvin-san's lost sword! [20:06] Carla     Hur! Ry! Up! [20:09] Alvin     Don't rush it! [20:11] Carla     But Alvin-san! [20:13] Carla     This stupid jerk won't do what I tell it! [20:15] Alvin     Don't call it a jerk! [20:18] Alvin     And just because you've seen people do     it doesn't mean you can do it yourself! [20:21] Alvin     Seriously, give it up. [20:27] Carla     I know! [20:29] Carla     I think I'm using it wrong! [20:36] Carla     This is it! [20:41] Alvin     What are you doing?! [20:42] Carla     Go! [20:43] Alvin     I'm not gonna fetch it!     What am I, a dog?! [20:46] Kinoko     Woof! [20:47] Carla     Hey, I never said you were     all bark and no bite! [20:52] Alvin     Neither did I! [20:53] Alvin     Don't throw the thing away just     because you couldn't use it! [20:57] Carla     Th-That's not what I did!     What a silly accusation. [21:00] Carla     Do you know where the     crystal ball came down? [21:03] Alvin     How should I know? [21:06] Alvin     Over there somewhere... [21:08] Carla     Good grief. You're just hopeless. [21:11] Carla     A hint! [21:12] Carla     Where is the thing you lost? [21:16] Alvin     Are you saying the crystal ball came     down in the place I lost my sword?! [21:19] Carla     Precisely! [21:21] Alvin     What a load of crap! [21:24] Alvin     I'm just gonna buy a new one... [21:37] Carla     Are you sure that's what you want to do? [21:40] Alvin     Yes. [21:42] Carla     Then, help me find my crystal ball! [21:45] Carla     That thing was really expensive! [21:47] Alvin     Then, why did you throw it?! SIGN    Next Time [23:25] Ellie     Big Sis! Wasn't that fun? [23:27] Maria     I'm so glad you got to     play your game, Ellie. [23:29] Ellie     Yeah! And now I get to do the preview, too? [23:32] Maria     That's right. [23:33] Maria     But the episode title's very     long, so be very careful! [23:36] Ellie     Yes, I'll do my be— SIGN    "This episode features even more female guest characters hot on     the heels of Maria and Ellie and by the way even though     we jumble the order now and then we mostly follow the     source material but because the Medusa and Dryad episode     would let us get a few more rare female characters on-screen     we originally had the idea to put them in episode 2 or 3 to get     people more invested except putting them in episode 2 or 3     really would be a little too extravagant and kind of mess up the     flow so we decided against it and that's a fun little behind     the scenes anecdote but anyway now it's finally time     to reveal them and that's the deal with episode 9." SIGN    See you then! [23:38] Ellie     Wait, is this actually the title?! E9 - This episode features even more female guest characters hot on the heels... Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) [00:02] Alvin     Monsters threaten human life. [00:05] Alvin     They are opposed by brave adventurers! [00:10] Alvin     And I, Alvin, am one of them! [00:15] Alvin     Now in a party with Carla, the healer, [00:18] Alvin     my journey continues! SIGN    Don't Hurt Me, SIGN    Don't Hurt Me, SIGN    My Healer! SIGN    This episode features even more female guest characters hot on the heels... [01:54] Alvin     We found the crystal ball, but... [01:57] Alvin     this sure isn't my sword. [02:00] Alvin     Is it a goddess statue? [02:01] Carla     It does appear that way. [02:03] Carla     And my crystal ball is in pieces. [02:06] Alvin     Looks like you hit it right in the head. [02:08] Alvin     What are you going to do? [02:09] Alvin     You think it's going to lead     to divine retribution? [02:11] Carla     I could hardly be a holy woman if I     was afraid of divine retribution. [02:14] Alvin     I think that's exactly something     a holy woman shouldn't say. [02:19] Alvin     Who goes there?! [02:21] Carla     A monster? [02:22] Medusa     Were you the ones who broke my seal? [02:25] Alvin     A seal? [02:27] Medusa     You have my gratitude, truly... [02:29] Medusa     I can at last resume my reign     of terror over humanity! [02:34] Alvin     Wretched monster! [02:37] Alvin     What now?! [02:38] Carla     You heard what she said. [02:40] Carla     Let's beat her! [02:41] Alvin     It does seem like it would be in the     interest of keeping the peace... [02:43] Carla     Actually, her hoity-toity     phrasing just pisses me off. [02:45] Alvin     So it's all about you?! [02:47] Carla     Yes. [02:47] Alvin     But I don't have my sword! [02:50] Carla     But look! [02:52] Carla     She was sealed away in     that tiny little hole. [02:55] Carla     She's probably small and weak! [02:57] Carla     Just step on her and it's a done deal! [03:00] Alvin     You think I can handle it? [03:01] Carla     If it doesn't work,     I'll hit her with a tieshankao! [03:04] Alvin     Great! [03:05] Alvin     For the sake of world peace,     I will defeat you! [03:08] Alvin     Show yourself! [03:09] Carla     We'll give you a sock to     that smug mouth of yours! [03:12] Medusa     Oh? Feeling suicidal, are we? [03:15] Carla     She's over there, I think. [03:16] Alvin     Right. [03:17] Medusa     Excellent timing. [03:19] Medusa     I need a little exercise to wake     me up after a long sleep... [03:22] Alvin     We'll face you! Just show yourself! [03:25] Medusa     How bold you are. [03:26] Medusa     You truly believe you can defeat me? [03:29] Medusa     Now, let us battle! [03:38] Alvin     What the hell?! [03:39] Alvin     She's not small at all! [03:41] Alvin     What are you doing? [03:42] Carla     Alvin-san, be careful! [03:44] Carla     She's a Medusa! [03:46] Alvin     M-Medusa?! [03:49] Carla     If you look into her eyes,     she'll turn you to stone! [03:51] Alvin     I know that! [03:53] Carla     Listen to me! You must not look,     no matter what happens! [03:55] Alvin     I said I know! [03:57] Carla     You must not! Ever! [03:58] Carla     Never, ever, ever! [04:00] Alvin     Stop saying that! [04:08] Carla     Seriously, don't do it, okay? [04:11] Alvin     Glance! [04:12] Medusa     You looked! [04:13] Medusa     Shu-wah! [04:14] Alvin     Oh, cra— [04:21] Carla     Alvin-san! [04:23] Medusa     Wow, how stupid is he? [04:26] Carla     It's all my fault... [04:28] Medusa     I'm not sure I'd say that. [04:29] Medusa     I would say it's his fault. [04:31] Carla     No, I should've realized     that if I kept warning him, [04:35] Carla     he'd assume it was a joke setup,     and end up looking! [04:40] Medusa     The way your mind works is a mystery to me. [04:43] Medusa     But never you mind! [04:45] Medusa     I'll get you, too! [04:47] Carla     But look at you, Alvin-san!     This is just too on the nose. [04:51] Carla     It breaks my heart. [04:53] Carla     You look like one of those heavy stones— [04:55] Alvin     I'm not a paperweight! [04:57] Carla     I didn't call you a paperweight. [04:59] Alvin     You were about t— [05:00] Carla     Yes? [05:00] Alvin     Just let me finish! [05:02] Medusa     How... [05:03] Medusa     How did you shake off my petrification? [05:05] Alvin     Huh? Hey, good question! [05:07] Medusa     Curse you! [05:08] Medusa     One more time! [05:10] Alvin     I won't make the same mistake twice! [05:12] Medusa     Aw, c'mon! You gotta look at me! [05:14] Alvin     What kind of idiot would look,     knowing it would turn him to stone?! [05:16] Voice     Alvin-san! [05:19] Medusa     Look! You have to look! [05:24] Carla     Alvin-san, you made her cry! [05:26] Carla     You big meanie! [05:29] Alvin     You really don't have to cry— [05:30] Medusa     Fool! Shu-wah! [05:32] Carla     Alvin-san! [05:33] Carla     Goodness me... [05:34] Medusa     Did I getcha this time?! [05:36] Carla     What's wrong with you? [05:37] Carla     Come on... [05:38] Carla     Just shake off the petrification     like last time! [05:41] Carla     Just do it again! [05:43] Carla     You know, the "pop" thing! [05:45] Carla     C'mon, please! [05:48] Carla     Please? Please? [05:50] Carla     Alvin-san! [05:52] Alvin     Quit enjoying this! [05:54] Medusa     Yikes! [05:55] Medusa     For real, what's going on here?! [05:57] Medusa     Why? Why won't it work? [06:00] Medusa     My specialty... My identity... [06:04] Alvin     More crocodile tears, huh? [06:05] Alvin     But I won't be fooled again! [06:09] Carla     It's painful for anyone to have     their identity denied to them. [06:15] Carla     Just like Alvin-san... [06:16] Carla     You wouldn't have anything left if     you took off that armor, right? [06:19] Alvin     Uh, I'd still have my body! [06:21] Carla     Medusa-san. [06:22] Carla     You can't let a small setback     like this get you down. [06:25] Carla     You've just been sealed away so long,     you haven't recovered all your power yet. [06:30] Medusa     Really? [06:32] Carla     Yes, really. [06:33] Carla     Come on. Chin up!     Take pride in yourself! [06:37] Carla     You are a Medusa, a legendary monster! [06:41] Alvin     The way this is going... [06:46] Medusa     That's right... [06:48] Medusa     You're exactly right. [06:51] Medusa     I'll keep trying! [06:53] Medusa     Shu-wah! [06:54] Alvin     Yeah, knew it! [07:00] Carla     Wow. [07:01] Carla     So you can't do the petrification     without the "shu-wah," huh? [07:05] Medusa     Yeah. [07:06] Medusa     I wouldn't have much of a social life [07:08] Medusa     if I could petrify people just     by looking at them, right? [07:10] Alvin     You have a social life? [07:12] Carla     Like this? [07:13] Medusa     More like jazz hands. [07:14] Alvin     They're actually getting along. [07:19] Carla     Alvin-san! [07:20] Alvin     What the heck?! [07:22] Dryad     I thought I sensed an evil presence here. [07:26] Medusa     Tch! [07:27] Medusa     You're the woodland spirit... [07:29] Medusa     Dryad! [07:33] Dryad     I knew it would be you, Medusa! [07:36] Dryad     I am this forest's guardian. [07:39] Dryad     Human, releasing the Medusa     is a terribly grave crime. [07:44] Alvin     Hang on a minute! [07:45] Alvin     I'm not the one who released the seal— [07:46] Carla     Excuses, excuses! [07:48] Alvin     Stay out of this, true culprit! [07:50] Dryad     I found this near the destroyed statue. [07:54] Dryad     Does it belong to you two? [07:55] Carla     My crystal ball! [07:57] Alvin     She admits it! [07:58] Carla     Pay me back for that! [08:00] Carla     Harrumph! [08:01] Alvin     You're going to sue a monster? [08:03] Dryad     I see. [08:04] Dryad     So you destroyed the statue seal. [08:07] Dryad     Are you aware of what you've done? [08:10] Carla     Have I done something again? [08:13] Dryad     Long ago, Medusa terrorized     countless towns and villages. [08:20] Dryad     You have unleashed a truly     terrifying monster! [08:25] Carla     Wow, sounds like you had quite a career! [08:28] Medusa     Ah, it's easy when you're young. [08:30] Alvin     Seems like you've softened up since then. [08:33] Dryad     It does appear she's lost     a great deal of power. [08:38] Dryad     Which means this is my best chance. [08:40] Dryad     I entreat you to take responsibility     and defeat Medusa! [08:46] Alvin     She means you! [08:47] Alvin     Don't look at me! [08:48] Carla     At least release Alvin-san first! [08:52] Carla     It's so hard to see him like this. [08:53] Alvin     Carla... [08:54] Dryad     Oh? [08:56] Dryad     It pains you to see a comrade in     a humiliating position, you mean? [09:01] Dryad     But if you want him freed,     defeat Medusa first. [09:03] Carla     Oh, good grief. [09:05] Carla     You've misunderstood me. [09:07] Carla     What I mean is, no one wants to see a     thirty-something man engaged in bondage! [09:12] Alvin     Don't call it bondage! [09:14] Alvin     Now I'm even more embarrassed! [09:15] Carla     Such things are the exclusive purview     of beautiful maidens such as myself. [09:19] Alvin     Feel free to swap in, then!     We'd all like to see it! [09:22] Carla     Busted for sexual harassment! [09:24] Dryad     Are you mocking me? [09:25] Alvin     Look, you're making the dryad angry!     Infuriated, even! [09:28] Dryad     A thirty-something man engaged in bondage... [09:31] Dryad     is totally hot! [09:32] Alvin     Dryad-san? [09:33] Carla     Oh, please! [09:34] Carla     "But only if he's hot," right? [09:37] Alvin     What are you guys talking about? [09:39] Dryad     Actually, I find it even more stimulating     when the man is unattractive! [09:43] Dryad     Take that! [09:44] Alvin     Do we need to know all this about you?! [09:46] Medusa     Calm down, both of you! [09:48] Alvin     Medusa is the only sane one here! [09:50] Alvin     Pure hell. [09:51] Medusa     I like it best when they're underage! [09:55] Alvin     Can we not bring shotacon into this?! [09:58] Carla     Alvin-san doesn't qualify as any     of those, so please release him! [10:03] Dryad     We can't know that until     we see his real face. [10:06] Medusa     If he's a baby-face, I might still be down! [10:09] Alvin     These freaks... [10:10] Carla     Then let's find our answer. [10:14] Alvin     H-Hey, cut it out! [10:15] Alvin     What's with you girls? [10:16] Alvin     Weren't we talking about defeating Medusa? [10:19] Alvin     Why is this happening?! [10:24] Alvin     Hey. Don't go silent now. [10:26] Alvin     At least say what you think of how I look! [10:31] Carla     Pathetic. [10:32] Dryad     Utterly lacking in distinction. [10:34] Medusa     I'll forget it within two hours. [10:36] Alvin     Well, so sorry to disappoint! [10:44] Dryad     I'm sorry. It was wrong of me. [10:47] Dryad     I shouldn't have tried to make     you defeat the evil Medusa. [10:51] Carla     Not at all. [10:52] Carla     I share a bit of fault for     how things went down... [10:55] Carla     About 1% or so. [10:57] Medusa     If you'd mentioned that earlier, I could've     made some preparations myself... [11:02] Medusa     I didn't realize he'd be this weak. [11:05] Dryad     When I heard that he'd     resisted your stone gaze, [11:08] Dryad     I thought he might be a     match for you, but... [11:12] Medusa     And I'm not feeling my best, so I'd     buckled in for a tough battle... [11:16] Alvin     At least let me get a word in! [11:18] Carla     Alvin-san. [11:19] Carla     The loser doesn't get an opinion. [11:22] Carla     Know your place. [11:23] Alvin     Lay off, damn it! [11:25] Alvin     Listen to me. [11:26] Alvin     I know I'm really weak, okay? [11:27] Carla     Yes, he is! [11:28] Alvin     But despite appearances, [11:30] Alvin     I honestly do daily muscle     training and sword practice! [11:34] Carla     What else? [11:35] Alvin     But I didn't stand a chance this time. [11:37] Alvin     Do you know why that is? [11:38] Carla     Yes? One, two... [11:40] Trio     Why is that?! [11:41] Alvin     Just shut up! [11:42] Alvin     There's only one reason! [11:43] Alvin     Because I don't have my sword right now! [11:48] Alvin     Now talk, damn it! [11:50] Medusa     Seems to me like the sword is     the least of his problems. [11:53] Medusa     Why in the world doesn't     he have a sword, anyway? [11:54] Medusa     Isn't he a warrior? [11:55] Dryad     He's not just a shady character     in a tin-plated suit? [11:58] Carla     Is there a funnier joke     than the tin-plated thing? [12:02] Alvin     I hear you! Especially you, Carla! [12:04] Dryad     If you need a sword, I know of one. [12:07] Dryad     A sacred sword stuck in a     pedestal deep in the forest. [12:11] Alvin     A sacred sword? [12:13] Dryad     Many adventurers have attempted     to draw the sword... [12:18] Dryad     but none of them have succeeded. [12:20] Dryad     But you two, who were present     for Medusa's unsealing... [12:25] Alvin     Though we were the ones who     started the whole mess... [12:27] Dryad     The time, indeed, may have come for     the sacred sword to be drawn! [12:32] Dryad     There it is! [12:36] Alvin     Is that... [12:39] Alvin     the legendary... [12:44] Alvin     sacred sword?! [12:46] Alvin     Why's it stuck in that way?! [12:48] Dryad     Go on! Pull it out! [12:51] Alvin     Like hell! [12:52] Alvin     Isn't the hilt supposed to     be the exposed part?! [12:55] Carla     Alvin... can you hear me? [12:58] Carla     Alvin... can you hear my voice? [12:59] Alvin     What the... [13:01] Alvin     A voice! [13:04] Alvin     Can it be... [13:05] Carla     I am the sacred sword. [13:08] Alvin     Is it really a sacred sword?! [13:10] Carla     Hero Alvin. [13:12] Carla     I have awaited your arrival! [13:15] Alvin     I'm a hero? [13:17] Alvin     Are you kidding me?! [13:17] Carla     Yes. You are the chosen hero. [13:21] Carla     The hero, chosen by random lottery... [13:23] Alvin     Random lottery? [13:24] Carla     Now, extract me— [13:28] Carla     What? [13:30] Carla     The voice is on a bit of a lag... [13:32] Alvin     Screw that! [13:33] Alvin     That was your voice, damn it! [13:35] Alvin     I can't believe I got my hopes up for that! [13:38] Carla     I'm sorry. Vewwy sowwy. [13:40] Carla     I thought you deserved     a nice dream for once. [13:43] Alvin     It's more like a nightmare I     can't wait to wake up from! [13:45] Dryad     Anyway, let's see if you     can pull out the sword! [13:48] Medusa     Yeah! Yeah! [13:49] Alvin     I'd doubt it'll work,     but I might as well try... [13:52] Alvin     Looks pretty tough, though... [13:55] Alvin     I guess I'll have to grab it by the blade. [14:00] Carla     What's the matter? [14:02] Alvin     I think it's loose. [14:04] Medusa     I'm sure he's imagining it. [14:06] Dryad     Most likely his imagination. [14:08] Carla     Are you deluding yourself? [14:09] Alvin     You guys! [14:11] Alvin     Darn it... [14:12] Alvin     I'll just have to force it out! [14:23] Dryad     Is he really the chosen one? [14:25] Carla     When did he apply for that?! [14:27] Alvin     I didn't apply for anything! [14:32] Dryad     He pulled it out! [14:32] Medusa     Wait, he really is the chosen one?! [14:35] Carla     No! Look closely! SIGN    Dud [14:40] Carla     It was a dud draw. [14:41] Alvin     What in the world does that mean?! [14:49] Carla     W-Well, good for you! [14:50] Carla     You got a sacred sword! [14:52] Alvin     A dud one, sure! [14:53] Alvin     I bet you're thinking it's     perfect for me, huh? [14:56] Alvin     Go ahead and laugh, if you want! [14:58] Carla     Really? Can I? [14:59] Carla     Thank you so much! [15:01] Alvin     Never mind, never laugh again! [15:03] Carla     But my smile is my best trait! [15:05] Carla     So mean! [15:06] Alvin     You might wanna rethink that one! [15:08] Carla     If you took away my smile,     what else would I have? [15:11] Alvin     Unpleasantness. [15:12] Carla     Look at you, pouting. [15:15] Carla     Just cheer up already! [15:17] Carla     You already have a jackpot, you know... [15:21] Carla     The jackpot known as Carla. [15:23] Voice     Jackpot! [15:23] Carla     Gosh, I'm blushing. [15:24] Alvin     More like a crackpot! [15:27] Carla     But now that you have a sword, [15:29] Carla     show me the fruits of this     daily training of yours! [15:32] Medusa     Not like one little sword is gonna     make a difference against me! [15:37] Carla     She's mocking you, Alvin-san! [15:40] Carla     I believe in you! [15:41] Carla     I believe that your daily training     will be a drop in the bucket! [15:45] Alvin     You realize you're making things     worse right now, right? [15:48] Carla     No need to be worried! [15:49] Carla     I will support you! [15:51] Alvin     Now I'm even more worried! [15:53] Medusa     Two on one, eh? [15:55] Medusa     A perfectly fine handicap for me! [15:57] Carla     I'm the one with a handicap here! [15:59] Carla     Look at this guy! [16:00] Alvin     I can hear you, damn it! [16:02] Alvin     Say what you want about me, but all     you do is sit on the back lines! [16:06] Carla     Say that all you like,     but you're the one who— [16:08] Medusa     Here we go again! [16:10] Dryad     I can't tell if they are     a good pairing or not. [16:12] Carla     What spell shall I use this time? [16:15] Carla     Drumroll... [16:16] Carla     Ta-da! [16:18] Carla     A defense-enhancing spell! [16:22] Alvin     Everything you do is unpleasant! [16:24] Carla     With one cast of this spell... [16:27] Carla     Behold! [16:29] Alvin     Behold what? [16:30] Alvin     All you did was clap your hands— [16:33] Alvin     Wait... what are you doing? [16:36] Alvin     What are you doing— [16:43] Carla     See? It didn't hurt at all, right? [16:45] Alvin     It certainly dealt psychological damage! [16:47] Carla     But there was no physical damage, was there? [16:51] Carla     That's because of my spell. [16:53] Alvin     It's true that it didn't hurt much at all... [16:56] Dryad     Perhaps she was unconsciously     taking it easy on her comrade? [16:59] Dryad     Allow me to take over! [17:01] Alvin     Why? [17:02] Dryad     Just remove your armor and     get down on all fours! [17:06] Medusa     Oh, me next! I wanna do it next! [17:08] Alvin     But why should I— [17:10] Dryad     Hurry! [17:12] Alvin     I'm not a chair, damn it! [17:17] Dryad     Let us begin! [17:19] Dryad     One more time! [17:20] Dryad     It's not over yet! [17:22] Dryad     Take that! [17:23] Dryad     You like that? Tell me you love it! [17:26] Alvin     Dryad-san, stop! [17:30] Dryad     Well? Any damage? [17:31] Alvin     Only to your image, I think! [17:34] Dryad     It does appear he didn't feel anything. [17:37] Dryad     What a disappointment. [17:38] Alvin     Could you not say stuff that     could be taken the wrong way? [17:40] Medusa     Now it's my turn! [17:42] Alvin     But this is pretty cool!     It doesn't hurt at all! [17:45] Carla     Right? [17:46] Alvin     Look at you!     You actually cast a proper spell! [17:50] Carla     Sexual harassment... [17:51] Alvin     If not for that part... [17:52] Medusa     The next! Me! My turn! [17:54] Alvin     I'm not a dang punching bag! [17:56] Alvin     Fine. [17:57] Alvin     Thanks to Carla, I might just     come out well in this match! [18:00] Alvin     And I have a sword! [18:01] Carla     But you should probably hurry. [18:03] Carla     When the spell ends, you'll feel the     previously negated damage twice as hard! [18:09] Carla     Or was that ten times as hard? [18:16] Medusa     My turn! [18:25] Carla     Delicious! [18:25] Medusa     Yeah, not bad at all! [18:28] Dryad     I'm pleased that you like it. [18:30] Dryad     I made the cake out of the     forest's best fruits. [18:34] Medusa     You're pretty good at the girl stuff,     despite all the weird fetishes. [18:37] Dryad     You are quite the irritating, little reptile. [18:39] Carla     The taste puts me in mind of a temple     built to restore the clean air [18:42] Carla     of a cursed ground plagued     by storms of miasma. [18:46] Carla     Specifically, the flower that     grows beside the wind god there. [18:51] Carla     Specifically, the caterpillars     that feed on the flower. [18:54] Dryad     I don't believe that's a compliment. [18:56] Dryad     And how is Alvin-san feeling? [19:00] Carla     He'll wake up soon. [19:02] Carla     I drew him a special healing magic circle. [19:09] Carla     Thank you for letting us     use your room, Dryad-san. [19:12] Dryad     Think nothing of it! [19:13] Dryad     Fate has brought us together, after all. [19:15] Medusa     It is a weird turn of fate that we're ending     up in this kind of weird girls' get-together... [19:19] Medusa     Speaking of fate, how'd you end up     in a party with that guy, Carla? [19:24] Medusa     This is kinda blunt, but what do you have to     gain partying up with a warrior that weak? [19:30] Medusa     I mean, I can tell he's a decent dude... [19:32] Medusa     but as party members go,     he seems like a bit of a load. [19:36] Dryad     I'm impressed he's even still alive. [19:40] Medusa     Oh, sorry! [19:41] Medusa     I wasn't trying to badmouth your partner... [19:45] Carla     Could I have another piece of cake? [19:47] Dryad     C-Certainly! [19:48] Carla     I understand how you feel, of course. [19:51] Carla     But he has quite a number of good points [19:55] Carla     as befits his title of     "Weakest Loser Master King." [19:57] Dryad     I don't think I'd want traits     befitting that title... [20:01] Carla     For instance... [20:04] Medusa     You're stuck already? [20:07] Carla     Patheticness! [20:08] Medusa     That's an insult. [20:09] Carla     Wretchedness! [20:10] Medusa     So is that. [20:11] Carla     Suckiness! [20:12] Medusa     Seriously?! [20:15] Carla     Um... but it's more than that. [20:17] Medusa     Maybe keep the next one to yourself. [20:20] Carla     Being with him is fun. [20:28] Alvin     What are we talking about? [20:30] Carla     You scared me... not a bit! [20:33] Carla     Not a tiny little bit! [20:34] Alvin     That was a hell of a reaction. [20:37] Carla     Did you hear what we were saying? [20:40] Alvin     No, all I heard was that you were talking. [20:42] Medusa     We were talking about you! [20:45] Alvin     About me? [20:46] Alvin     Nothing good, I'm sure. [20:49] Alvin     She's saying I'm pathetic and     wretched and sucky, I'll bet. [20:51] Dryad     Three for three! [20:53] Dryad     B-But Carla-chan said you were— [20:56] Alvin     You scared me! [20:58] Alvin     Where did that come from? [21:01] Carla     I just saw a meteorite! [21:03] Alvin     Indoors? [21:05] Alvin     Sorry, could you say that again? [21:08] Alvin     Oh, shut up! [21:09] Carla     Wow! Shooting star! [21:10] Alvin     You can change what you call it,     but we're still indoors! [21:13] Alvin     What in the world is wrong with you? [21:15] Alvin     Is it really something     that bad for me to hear? [21:17] Carla     It's not like that. [21:18] Alvin     Then, shut up! [21:20] Alvin     Now, what were you talking about? [21:22] Dryad     W-Well— [21:26] Dryad     I'm sorry. I completely forgot! [21:29] Medusa     You forgot what we were just talking about? [21:33] Medusa     I remember, though! [21:34] Dryad     Please don't! [21:35] Medusa     Listen, Alvin! [21:36] Medusa     Carla said that being with you was— [21:38] Carla     Achoo! [21:43] Carla     Drat! I just sneezed! [21:46] Alvin     Who unleashes a tieshankao     when they sneeze?! SIGN    Try again in     ten years' time! SIGN    Next Time [23:25] Dryad     Next episode's title is... [23:27] Medusa     Dryad! [23:28] Medusa     Me, too! Me, too! Me, too! [23:29] Medusa     Let me do it, too! [23:29] Dryad     Don't interrupt, Medusa! [23:32] Dryad     Just sit there and do your "Shu-wah!" [23:34] Medusa     Aw, no way! No way! [23:36] Medusa     I wanna do it, too! [23:36] Dryad     You truly are annoying! SIGN    "In the second half of this episode, we enter the "What Story Is This?"     arc (though actually it's just the next two episodes) so let me explain     once again for people not in the know that "What Story Is This?" is the     webcomic version of the story that would eventually be published as     "Don't Hurt Me, My Healer," so this arc isn't included in the printed     comic but you should still be able to read it so go ahead and do that if     you like but at the same time there's also a thankless role in the first     half so I'll ask you to keep an eye on that because it's going to     be clear it's an important event if you keep     watching and that's the deal with episode 10." SIGN    See you then! [23:37] Medusa     Let me try it! E10 - In the second half of this episode, we enter the "What Story Is This?" arc... Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) [00:02] Alvin     Monsters threaten human life. [00:05] Alvin     They are opposed by brave adventurers! [00:10] Alvin     And I, Alvin, am one of them! [00:15] Alvin     Now in a party with Carla, the healer, [00:18] Alvin     my journey continues! SIGN    Don't Hurt Me, SIGN    Don't Hurt Me, SIGN    My Healer! SIGN    In the second half of this episode, we enter the "What Story Is This?" arc... [01:53] Alvin     Excuse me! [01:55] Receptionist     Hello! Welcome to the Adventurers' Guild! [01:59] Receptionist     Well, well. [02:00] Receptionist     Good to see you, Alvin-san. [02:02] Alvin     It's been a while. [02:04] Receptionist     You're looking well, too, Carla-san. [02:09] Alvin     C'mon, say hello like a functional person! [02:12] Carla     Can you please not talk     to me as if we're frie— [02:14] Alvin     Okay! That's quite enough! [02:16] Alvin     Apologies for my little goblin here. [02:18] Receptionist     N-Not at all. [02:20] Receptionist     I'm glad to see her as energetic as ever. [02:22] Receptionist     Now, how can I help you today? [02:25] Alvin     I'm here to review my adventurer rank. [02:29] Receptionist     Review your rank? [02:32] Carla     You're not thinking "he doesn't really think     it's gone up? LOL-in-parentheses!" are you? [02:36] Carla     That's so rude! [02:37] Alvin     That's what you're thinking! [02:39] Carla     Actually, I was thinking "I really hope his     rank hasn't gone down! LOL-in-parentheses." [02:43] Carla     It's very different! [02:44] Alvin     Well, keep it to yourself! [02:46] Receptionist     In this case, please apply your     blood seal to this rank testing sheet. [02:51] Receptionist     The magic circle drawn on it will offer     you a rank from one star to five stars [02:55] Receptionist     based on your accomplishments     and experiences. [02:58] Carla     A blood seal? [03:00] Carla     Are you sure about that, Alvin-san? [03:02] Alvin     It's just a little prick on the fingertip. [03:05] Alvin     What are you so worried about? [03:07] Carla     I thought you might die from blood loss... [03:09] Alvin     Like hell! [03:11] Carla     You need a little help with that? [03:13] Alvin     You mean the healing part, right? [03:15] Carla     Come to think of it, Alvin-san.     What is your current ranking? [03:19] Carla     Oh, sorry. I'm sure it's one star— [03:22] Alvin     Zero. [03:23] Alvin     Last time, the magic circle     didn't react at all. [03:26] Alvin     Which means my rank is zero stars. [03:29] Alvin     Funny, isn't it? [03:31] Carla     I'm sorry. [03:32] Carla     It didn't occur to me that your rank     might not be able to get any lower. [03:37] Alvin     By the way, what's your rank, Carla? [03:40] Carla     Well... three stars, actually. [03:43] Alvin     I see. [03:46] Carla     But I'm sure that with your stars, there were     just too many dark clouds to see them... [03:50] Carla     Because they're stars... get it? [03:53] Alvin     "Too many dark clouds" is more     like the story of my life. [03:57] Receptionist     Really not funny... [03:57] Alvin     Funny, right? [03:59] Receptionist     I'm sure it was just a     defective testing sheet. [04:03] Carla     That's it! [04:04] Carla     I'm sure you just got     unlucky with the device! [04:07] Alvin     Five times in a row? [04:08] Carla     Y-Yes, five defective sheets! [04:11] Carla     Poor Alvin-san! No luck at all! [04:14] Carla     Or "no rank at all," I guess I should say... [04:17] Carla     You know? [04:24] Carla     It's just a joke, Alvin-san! [04:26] Carla     I was trying to lighten the mood! [04:28] Receptionist     Calm down! [04:29] Receptionist     Throwing in more blood     won't make a difference, [04:31] Receptionist     so please don't do anything     we'll both regret! [04:33] Carla     I'm sure you'll get stars this time, [04:35] Carla     even without offering up your worthless arm! [04:37] Carla     You've survived encounters     with all kinds of monsters. [04:40] Carla     The golem, the cyclops, the     necromancer... even the Medusa! [04:44] Receptionist     Really? [04:46] Receptionist     You survived battles with all     of those savage monsters? [04:49] Alvin     Well... that technically     describes it, but... [04:52] Receptionist     I'm sure you'll get one star—     no, you could even get four! [04:57] Alvin     You think? [04:58] Carla     Isn't that great? [04:59] Carla     You'll be propelled into the     ranks of the adventuring elite! [05:02] Alvin     Well, well... We don't know     that for sure, just yet. [05:06] Alvin     But it is true. [05:07] Alvin     I have had experiences that     most adventurers haven't. [05:11] Alvin     I think I've been doing pretty     good, relatively speaking! [05:14] Carla     Can we skip past the small     talk and get to the testing? [05:18] Alvin     C'mon, don't rush me! [05:20] Alvin     Boy, might be about time     to figure out my title! [05:23] Alvin     You know? [05:24] Alvin     How many stars will I get? [05:29] Carla     Look, Alvin-san! It's changing! [05:31] Carla     You've got at least one star! SIGN    (LOL) [05:39] Carla     LOL-in-parentheses. [05:42] Receptionist     I told you, it doesn't matter     how much blood you use! [05:51] Alvin     You could have picked a     better way to stop me! [05:53] Brigan     What's this? [05:54] Brigan     I thought I heard a commotion     in here. If it isn't Alvin! [05:57] Brigan     What a surprise... [05:59] Brigan     That you're still alive, that is. [06:01] Brigan     I figured you'd died to     some stray dog's bite. [06:04] Carla     You know him? [06:06] Alvin     Yeah... he's an adventurer, just like us. [06:10] Brigan     Just like you? [06:12] Brigan     Don't make me laugh! [06:13] Brigan     A pathetic weenie like you doesn't     belong in the same category as me! [06:17] Carla     What did he just say? [06:18] Alvin     Let it go. It's just a cheap provocation. [06:21] Carla     Did you just call Alvin-san a lousy, stinking,     slug weenie loser nothing old man?! [06:27] Carla     How dare you?! [06:28] Alvin     He didn't say most of that! [06:29] Carla     Who in the world is this guy who     looks like an escaped felon? [06:32] Brigan     Escaped felon?! [06:35] Brigan     You're a funny little kid... [06:37] Brigan     Mind telling me your name? [06:38] Carla     Don't you know it's basic manners to give     your name before asking for someone else's? [06:44] Carla     Oh, wait! You don't want to give your     name because you're on the run! [06:47] Brigan     You little brat... [06:49] Alvin     Calm down, Brigan! [06:50] Alvin     She doesn't mean any harm!     She just doesn't have a filter, that's all! [06:55] Carla     Brigan. I see. [06:55] Alvin     I truly apologize for my little goblin! [06:57] Carla     Is that your name? [06:59] Carla     That's a very nice name. [07:01] Carla     Yes, yes... [07:02] Alvin     See? That's also how she feels! [07:04] Carla     It sounds like "prison." [07:06] Carla     Perfect for an escaped convict. [07:07] Alvin     You didn't have to say that! [07:09] Brigan     You lousy, little dark elf... [07:11] Brigan     Give it a rest— [07:13] Brigan     A dark elf, dressed as a healer... [07:16] Brigan     The irritating behavior... [07:18] Brigan     You're not "Carla," are you? [07:21] Carla     Indeed I am! [07:22] Carla     Carla, also known as the goddess     who descended from the heavens! [07:26] Carla     Smug face! [07:27] Alvin     I wish you could have descended     straight to the underworld... [07:31] Brigan     You two have formed a party, then, have you? [07:34] Alvin     Well... there were circumstances. [07:40] Brigan     The infamous disaster     land mine healer Carla, [07:44] Brigan     and "the walking load" Alvin,     in a party together? [07:49] Brigan     This is too priceless! [07:50] Carla     H-How dare you?! [07:52] Carla     Did you hear what he said to us, Alvin-san? [07:55] Carla     Doesn't it frustrate you? [07:57] Alvin     But I can't exactly say he's wrong... [08:00] Carla     He called me the "disaster land mine healer"! [08:03] Carla     Doesn't it frustrate you? [08:04] Alvin     Oh, that part? Not at all. [08:07] Carla     It frustrates me. [08:09] Carla     To hear him call you "the walking load"... [08:12] Alvin     Carla... [08:13] Carla     You don't just walk! You talk, too! [08:16] Alvin     Speaking of, I could do with     a lot less talking from you! [08:18] Brigan     C'mon, that was a compliment. [08:20] Brigan     A pain in the ass elf and     a human ball and chain. [08:22] Brigan     You're a perfect match! [08:25] Carla     A p-perfect match? [08:27] Carla     Gosh, I wouldn't say that... [08:29] Carla     Right? [08:29] Alvin     Pure slander. [08:31] Carla     Why don't we call ourselves "Team Exile"? [08:34] Alvin     I hate that too much! [08:35] Alvin     And why are you enjoying this?! [08:37] Brigan     Exile! I love it! [08:40] Brigan     You've got good taste! [08:42] Carla     Right? Right? [08:44] Carla     Though, Brigan-san,     you deserve the title "Ex-Con." [08:50] Brigan     You little brat! [08:55] Carla     H-He's mad for no reason! [08:57] Carla     What a low boiling point! [08:58] Alvin     Not for no reason! [09:00] Alvin     I'm impressed he lasted as long as he did! [09:01] Brigan     What do you take me for? [09:03] Brigan     Guess I'll have to teach     you a painful lesson! [09:06] Brigan     Hey, Alvin! [09:07] Brigan     Let me at her— [09:08] Alvin     But I refuse! [09:09] Alvin     I'm not such a coward as to sit back and     take all the abuse you've dished out, either. [09:14] Carla     Alvin-san... [09:16] Brigan     What, you wanna fight? [09:18] Brigan     Sounds good to me! [09:19] Brigan     Let's step outside! [09:21] Carla     Wh-What will we do? [09:22] Alvin     Accept the challenge. [09:24] Alvin     I have my own form of pride! [09:26] Alvin     But he's probably going     beat the shit out of me, [09:29] Alvin     so could I get some healing afterwards? [09:31] Carla     Sure thing! [09:33] Brigan     Hey, what's wrong? [09:34] Brigan     Are you coming or not, you filthy coward? [09:37] Alvin     Shut up! [09:38] Alvin     I'm on my way! Just you wait! [09:40] Brigan     Don't run away! [09:41] Alvin     Please. I've been waiting for this! [09:44] Carla     You're open! [09:47] Alvin     B-Brigan! [09:51] Alvin     What did you do?! [09:53] Carla     Well, he was wide open... [09:56] Carla     I thought he was asking for it. [09:58] Alvin     Are you an assassin now?! SIGN    The legendary     pro wrestler     The Cuban     Assassin     #1 SIGN    m 0 0 l 15 0 l 15 20 l 0 20 SIGN    Special Moves: SIGN    Any rule-breaking     attack [09:59] Alvin     Not that! SIGN    Special Moves: SIGN    Any surprise     attack [10:01] Alvin     Yes, more like that! [10:04] Alvin     Thank goodness! He's alive! [10:05] Brigan     Wh-What just happened? [10:07] Alvin     Well, actually... I'm sorry... [10:10] Alvin     No, maybe we should treat them first? [10:12] Carla     This is where I step in. [10:16] Alvin     Why are you tying him up?! [10:18] Carla     Got him in custody! [10:19] Alvin     He's seriously not an escaped felon! [10:27] Alvin     Is this the mansion in question? [10:30] Carla     Yes. [10:31] Carla     The mansion in which the evil spirit dwells. [10:35] Carla     We have to exorcise it, right? [10:38] Alvin     Yes... [10:39] Alvin     We destroyed a table in     that fight with Brigan, [10:42] Alvin     and made a lot of trouble for the Guild. [10:44] Alvin     So this is our punishment. [10:46] Alvin     It looks like an ordinary     old ruin at a glance, [10:48] Alvin     but I detect a terrifying aura from it. [10:51] Carla     I hear it's known as the     "Shocking Rocking Horror House!" [10:55] Alvin     Suddenly, it sounds like an attraction. [10:58] Carla     But the rumors say that anyone who     enters this mansion never comes out alive. [11:05] Carla     It's believed that they're killed by     the evil spirit that dwells within. [11:09] Alvin     There it is!     The classic horror house setup line! [11:13] Alvin     It's always made up! Don't tell me you     actually believe, etcetera, etcetera. [11:16] Carla     You mean you don't believe in it? [11:18] Alvin     Is there anyone who actually     believes stories like that? [11:21] Carla     Ackchyuwally... [11:23] Carla     I invited a special guest     along to attest to just that. [11:27] Carla     This person infiltrated     the mansion once before. [11:31] Alvin     You can't do that! The setup is supposed     to be that no one leaves there alive! [11:34] Carla     Show yourself! [11:36] Anna     Oh, hello there! [11:37] Alvin     Well, that's freaking haunted! [11:39] Carla     This is Anna-san, a former thief     who infiltrated the mansion [11:44] Carla     and was tragically killed     by the evil spirit there. [11:46] Carla     Let's give her a hand! [11:47] Anna     P-Please don't, Carla-chan! [11:49] Anna     It's embarrassing! [11:50] Carla     But I need to give you     a proper introduction. [11:52] Anna     But if you say I was "tragically killed,"     it makes me sound like a bad thief! [11:56] Carla     But you did die, so... [11:58] Anna     It's not like that! [11:59] Anna     That evil spirit was really, really tough! SIGN    Pad it with small talk! [12:01] Alvin     What the heck is he doing? [12:02] Alvin     Wait, are you still here?! [12:04] Alvin     Where have you been? [12:05] Kinoko     Well, I was looking for Big Sis Carla's     crystal ball, and I got lost... [12:11] Alvin     We wrapped up that nonsense     a while back, actually. [12:13] Kinoko     What? [12:14] Carla     Well, I'd rather not stand     outside talking forever. [12:16] Carla     Let's go into the mansion     and discuss it in there. [12:19] Anna     It is awfully cold today... [12:21] Carla     The chill of the grave, right? [12:23] Alvin     Wait, wait, wait! [12:25] Carla     What? [12:26] Carla     We were going to go into the mansion, [12:28] Carla     roll some dice with subjects written on them, [12:30] Carla     and have a nice talk based on     the outcome of the roll... [12:32] Anna     Happy! Rappy! Exciting talk! [12:34] Alvin     Just shut up! [12:36] Carla     What, you want to be part     of our girls' talk? [12:38] Anna     As a man in his thirties,     would you be able to contribute? [12:41] Alvin     How did you know how old I— [12:43] Alvin     But never mind that! [12:44] Alvin     The mansion is dangerous, right? [12:46] Alvin     Why are you trying to go     in like it's nothing? [12:48] Alvin     We need to hear what she has to     say, figure out a plan, and— [12:51] Carla     Oho? Don't tell me... [12:54] Anna     Aw, no way! [12:56] Alvin     What? [12:58] Alvin     It's not like I'm afraid or— [12:59] Carla     Oho! [13:01] Alvin     Just say it outright! [13:02] Alvin     And just so we're clear,     I'm not afraid at all! [13:05] Alvin     I mean it! [13:06] Carla     Don't be ashamed! [13:07] Carla     Everyone has things they're afraid of. [13:09] Carla     And evil spirits are like     a reminder of death! [13:12] Carla     Death is a fear that all     living beings share! [13:16] Alvin     I told you, I'm not scared! [13:18] Carla     But here's a question: Da-dun! [13:21] Carla     Who's the holy woman that evil spirits fear, [13:25] Carla     with divine protection, a vulnerable gaze that     inflames the protective instincts of others, [13:29] Carla     silver hair, dark skin,     and an altogether enchanting visage? [13:49] Carla     Correct! [13:51] Alvin     What in the world are you talking about? [13:53] Carla     Well, we have our plan to     deal with the evil spirit. [13:56] Carla     Let's go exorcise the thing! [13:58] Anna     Yeah! [13:59] Alvin     H-Hey! [14:01] Carla     What's wrong! [14:03] Carla     There is nothing to be afraid of. [14:05] Alvin     You're the thing I'm afraid of! [14:08] Carla     It's fine. [14:09] Carla     You have me, and I have a divine protection. [14:12] Carla     Besides, the evil spirit might     be willing to listen to reason. [14:17] Carla     And even if it's not willing     to listen to reason, [14:20] Carla     I can pound reason into it using     my iron fists of brotherly love! [14:24] Alvin     How in the world do you get     "fists of brotherly love"? [14:32] Ryoko     Welcome ho— [14:33] Carla     I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm an     absolutely worthless trash healer. [14:36] Carla     I am truly grateful you would form     a party with one as worthless as I. [14:39] Carla     At the same time, I am     extremely filled with guilt. [14:41] Alvin     Crap! She's gone crazy from the fear,     and she's actually talking sense! [14:44] Carla     I'm so obnoxious and worthless I should just     go home and live as a shut-in forever. [14:49] Alvin     Hey. Don't talk like that! [14:51] Alvin     It's okay. I'll forgive you for everything     that's happened between us. [14:54] Alvin     So please, stay exactly as you are now! [14:58] Alvin     I'm begging you! SIGN    Sincere [15:01] Carla     What a generous thing to say! [15:03] Carla     The kindness to accept the     faults of anyone around you... [15:05] Carla     You sound almost like... [15:07] Carla     Like me! [15:08] Alvin     Damn it! She's back! [15:10] Carla     That's better. [15:12] Carla     I didn't expect it to be that intense. [15:15] Alvin     I agree. [15:17] Carla     An aura of hostility so powerful,     it shakes even me... [15:21] Carla     Clearly, this is not an enemy we can     deal with through normal means. [15:24] Carla     But... [15:27] Carla     A new sacrifice has     resulted from my failure! [15:31] Alvin     This is pretty tough. [15:34] Alvin     But can't you use a resurrection     spell on the evil spirit? [15:39] Carla     You magic-ignorant bumpkins     are so troubling sometimes. [15:42] Carla     Resurrection is an extremely     high-level spell. [15:45] Carla     It's not something I can     simply use on command! [15:48] Carla     Of course, I can use it... [15:50] Alvin     You can? [15:51] Carla     But I still have a long way to go. [15:54] Carla     I can only resurrect someone who's     been dead three seconds or fewer. [15:58] Alvin     Three seconds? [15:59] Alvin     Well, I guess it's better     than not having it at all... [16:01] Carla     However... [16:02] Carla     the time it takes to cast     the resurrection spell... [16:06] Carla     is... dun-dun-dun! Ten seconds! [16:08] Alvin     You won't make it in time! [16:09] Carla     But if I start thinking you might die,     I can start the incantation in advance. [16:13] Alvin     So you might cast it before I die? [16:17] Alvin     Well, never mind. [16:18] Alvin     Let's just get out of here. [16:20] Carla     Could you please wait just a minute? [16:22] Alvin     What is it? [16:23] Carla     That evil spirit said something, didn't it? [16:26] Alvin     I do think it tried to say "welcome home." [16:28] Carla     That's right. [16:29] Alvin     What about it? [16:31] Carla     It just seemed awfully presumptuous     of it. I mean, we'd just met! [16:35] Alvin     Are you seriously... [16:37] Carla     Plus, I'm supposed to be an     entity that evil spirits fear. [16:40] Carla     So having that thing say "welcome home☆" as     it escorts me inside feels kind of insulting. [16:45] Alvin     I don't think it was quite that friendly... [16:47] Carla     This has never happened before. [16:49] Carla     I've never had an evil spirit show     such a lack of respect before. [16:52] Carla     I'm not the kind of girl who     can take this lying down! [16:55] Carla     I'm going to put that evil spirit     in a catgirl maid outfit, [16:58] Carla     and make it say "welcome home, mew☆!" [17:01] Alvin     That doesn't seem like     much of a punishment... [17:04] Carla     Don't worry. [17:05] Carla     I won't be rough with it. [17:07] Carla     I'm just going to put it     in a catgirl maid outfit. [17:10] Alvin     I've forgotten why we came     here in the first place. [17:13] Carla     Allow me tieshankao! [17:14] Alvin     Do you have to open it like that?! [17:16] Carla     Now, show yourself! [17:17] Carla     I'll teach you proper manners for someone     you're meeting for the first time! [17:21] Alvin     I don't want to hear that from someone     who doesn't know how to open a door... [17:28] Carla     I-It's here, isn't it?! [17:29] Carla     Y-You certainly humiliated me before! [17:33] Carla     But this time, you won't     find it so easy-peasy! [17:36] Alvin     Open your eyes! Don't point at me! [17:39] Alvin     Carla! [17:40] Carla     Wh-What now?! [17:41] Carla     Are you trying to scare me? [17:42] Alvin     Just look behind you! [17:43] Carla     You can't scare me again! [17:45] Carla     But if you shout out "wah" or something... [17:47] Ryoko     Welcome home, mew! [17:50] Alvin     That's pushing it! [17:51] Alvin     But isn't that nice? [17:53] Alvin     It looks like it's reasonable after all! [17:56] Carla     It's completely wrong! [17:59] Carla     Just completely wrong! [18:01] Carla     It's obvious your heart's not in it! [18:04] Carla     It's not just a matter of appearance!     It's a matter of dedication! [18:06] Carla     Right? [18:07] Alvin     The minute she realizes it's reasonable,     she starts walking all over it... [18:11] Alvin     But that face! [18:13] Carla     What people want from maids     these days is rejuvenation. [18:16] Alvin     What's with the holy woman pose? [18:18] Carla     A truly heartfelt desire to serve another [18:21] Carla     is more rejuvenating than any healing spell. [18:24] Carla     It is, indeed, the ultimate rejuvenation! [18:26] Carla     But merely putting on a maid outfit     will not confer true rejuvenation! [18:31] Alvin     There are some healers who can't     rejuvenate a damned thing, either. [18:34] Carla     But... [18:36] Carla     Seeking rejuvenation from an evil spirit     like you might be too high a bar... [18:45] Carla     All right. I know what to do! [18:47] Carla     Just this one time,     the rejuvenation specialist, [18:50] Carla     "rejuvelist" for short... [18:52] Alvin     That's hard to say! [18:54] Carla     ...will teach you the hidden     secrets of rejuvenation! [18:56] Ryoko     For real? [18:57] Carla     It's going to be hard, violent training. [19:00] Carla     Do you still wish to pursue it? [19:02] Ryoko     Please! [19:03] Alvin     That was easy! SIGN    Push-ups x 100     Sit-ups x 200     Voice Training x 10 minutes     Squats 2 sets of 10 [19:05] Alvin     And so Carla unveiled her     intense training regimen. SIGN    Carla-chan Awesome!! x 100 [19:11] Alvin     She unveiled it, but she didn't     actually put it into practice. [19:15] Carla     Honestly, smiling's about     all you need to do... [19:18] Ryoko     Right... [19:19] Alvin     Then she talked about     something-or-other for five minutes... [19:21] Alvin     And then... [19:23] Carla     All done! Yay! [19:27] Alvin     It doesn't look any different... [19:29] Alvin     Actually, it's gotten more twisted! [19:31] Carla     Now, do just as I advised you! [19:34] Alvin     Advised her? [19:35] Alvin     Did you do that? [19:36] Ryoko     W... W... [19:40] Ryoko     W-W-Welcome home... [19:43] Alvin     This doesn't seem good! [19:48] both     Mew! [19:49] Alvin     No freakin' way! [19:51] Alvin     Wait, wait! [19:52] Alvin     Who the hell is that? [19:53] Carla     Who is it? What's wrong with you? [19:56] Carla     It's the evil spirit! [19:58] Carla     She's been here the whole time! [20:00] Alvin     Has not! [20:01] Alvin     That's obviously a different life form! SIGN    After SIGN    Before [20:04] Carla     Life form? You old silly! [20:06] Carla     She's totally dead! [20:08] Alvin     That's not the point! [20:10] Carla     Well, I'm sure it's very surprising to you, [20:13] Carla     and I'm sure you want to     shower me with praise... [20:15] Carla     And I really appreciate     the round of applause... [20:18] Carla     But please, let's turn it down,     and sit back down. [20:20] Alvin     Nobody's giving you a standing ovation! [20:23] Carla     Before I could pass on the     secrets of rejuvenation, [20:26] Carla     I had to purify the heart of my successor! [20:29] Alvin     Hang on a minute. [20:30] Alvin     That means you couldn't     possibly pass on any secrets! [20:33] Alvin     Because your own heart is pitch black! [20:36] Alvin     There, I win. [20:37] Carla     As a result, the evil spirit     was purified, inside and out. [20:42] Alvin     Hey, don't just ignore me. [20:44] Carla     Earlier, too, we weren't just talking. [20:47] Carla     I was letting her vent all her     anger, stress, and worries. [20:51] Alvin     Are you a counselor now? [20:52] Carla     And I carefully plucked out the     seeds of her anger and resentment. [20:56] Alvin     Do you have a per-episode     quota for that pose? [20:58] Carla     Yes, it's almost like... [21:00] Carla     the way the Grim Reaper plucks     out the life of a living being. [21:03] Carla     Right? [21:04] Alvin     Not a great choice of words. [21:05] Anna     Hang on a minute! [21:07] Alvin     Oh, you're back to life? [21:08] Alvin     Actually, I guess you're still dead... [21:10] Anna     Thank you for the help before. [21:12] Anna     No, wait! [21:13] Anna     She's pretty cute now that     she's been purified, but... [21:17] Anna     Having two cute little ghosts     around is just redundant! [21:22] Alvin     Is that all you have to say     to the being that killed you? [21:25] Mushroom     Wait just a mushroom! [21:27] Mushroom     There's only room for one cute mascot     on this team, and that's me! [21:30] Alvin     No one actually thinks of you that way... [21:32] Carla     Wait a minute! [21:33] Carla     The cute mascot on this     team is obviously m— [21:34] Alvin     I'm not letting you finish that one! [21:44] Carla     The real cutie on this team is m— [21:44] Alvin     I'm not letting you say it! SIGN    Next Time [23:25] Anna     Isn't that great, Ryoko-chan? [23:27] Anna     We've made our anime debut! [23:28] Ryoko     We have, Anna-san! [23:29] Ryoko     Especially since we don't appear     in the official publication! [23:32] Anna     But becoming regulars as of     the next episode is like a dream! [23:35] Ryoko     Let's do our best     to make the show exciting! SIGN    "So, this is Part 2 of the "What Story Is This?" arc and I'm really     glad we found out a way for Anna and Ryoko to get involved     and also to fill in some time based on the fact that there's not     enough manga material available but there's also a reference     to that classic family anime in this episode that I think a lot     of people will get even if I don't explain it but it's been a chance     to think about how animators back then had to put so much care     into drawing each cel by hand instead of doing it digitally like     we do now which is pretty cool and that's the deal with episode 11." SIGN    See you then! [23:37] Anna     Wait, there're only two more episodes! [23:39] Ryoko     Wh— E11 - So, this is Part 2 of the "What Story Is This?" arc... Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) [00:02] Alvin     Monsters threaten human life. [00:05] Alvin     They are opposed by brave adventurers! [00:10] Alvin     And I, Alvin, am one of them! [00:15] Alvin     Now in a party with Carla, the healer, [00:18] Alvin     my journey continues! SIGN    Don't Hurt Me, SIGN    Don't Hurt Me, SIGN    My Healer! SIGN    So, this is Part 2 of the "What Story Is This?" arc... SIGN    C'mon, open it! At least try? [01:58] Carla     This is... a treasure chest, right? [02:01] Alvin     Yeah. [02:02] Alvin     But I never thought I would find     myself mocked by a treasure chest. SIGN    C'mon, open it! At least try? [02:07] Alvin     Or maybe mocked by a sign? [02:09] Carla     I think it's quite amazing. [02:11] Carla     It means you're an exceptional person. [02:13] Alvin     It's extremely upsetting. [02:15] Alvin     Who'd leave a treasure chest     in the middle of the road? [02:18] Alvin     It's too strange. [02:20] Carla     It's definitely strange. [02:22] Carla     Well, should we open it? [02:23] Alvin     Ah, the strangeness is coming     from inside the house. [02:26] Carla     You don't want to open it? [02:28] Carla     We are still adventurers,     crumble though we are. [02:31] Carla     We really should open it! [02:32] Alvin     I think you meant "humble" there. [02:34] Alvin     And you'd have to be stupid to open     something that obviously fishy... [02:38] Alvin     About as stupid as you are, I guess. [02:41] Carla     C-Cruelzo! [02:43] Carla     Did you just call me stupid? [02:46] Carla     Wait, maybe he said "student"     and I just misheard. [02:49] Carla     Did you call me a stude— [02:51] Alvin     I said stupid. [02:54] Carla     You said stupid? [02:56] Alvin     No getting around that one, I'm afraid. [02:58] Carla     And by "stupid" you didn't mean     "stupid cute" or something like that? [03:03] Carla     Like a puppy? [03:04] Alvin     No. [03:05] Carla     Come on, try to mean that! [03:06] Alvin     I refuse! [03:07] Carla     I'm begging you! [03:09] Alvin     Stop it! What are you doing?! [03:10] Alvin     Don't pull it! Let go! [03:13] Anna     Hey, you two. [03:14] Alvin     What? [03:15] Anna     I just checked it with my thief skills, [03:18] Anna     and there are no traps of any     kind on the treasure chest. [03:21] Alvin     What? [03:21] Alvin     But it's such an obvious trap! [03:24] Anna     Maybe they gave it the trap-like     trappings to keep people away? [03:29] Anna     I can't say for sure, but there     might be a real treasure in there! [03:33] Alvin     There's no way... [03:35] Alvin     But I guess it's not impossible. [03:37] Alvin     And if the chest is there,     we might as well try. [03:40] Carla     Open it! Open it! Open it! SIGN    Open it! Scrub-brush! [03:44] Carla     Scrub-brush! Scrub-brush! Scrub-brush! [03:45] Alvin     Stop egging me on! [03:49] Alvin     If there aren't any traps,     I might as well open it... [03:52] Alvin     But it'll probably be a prank, or a     sign reading "Sorry! No treasure!" [03:56] Anna     Yeah, probably. [03:58] Carla     Scrub-brush. [03:59] Anna     Oh, wait a minute! [04:01] Anna     Although there are no traps     on the chest itself— [04:07] Anna     I was about to say, there are frequently     traps around a treasure chest, [04:11] Anna     so you should be careful... [04:13] Anna     But I guess I was too late. [04:16] Carla     Alvin-san's special talent. [04:19] Carla     The hole-in-one. [04:27] Carla     A-A-Are you all right? [04:29] Alvin     Yeah. [04:30] Carla     Were you hurt? [04:32] Alvin     Yeah. [04:33] Alvin     You don't seem bothered in the slightest! [04:35] Carla     Can you get out? [04:37] Alvin     Hang on. Let's see. [04:40] Alvin     I guess not. [04:42] Anna     I was just thinking... [04:45] Alvin     What is it? [04:46] sign     m 0 0 l 211 0 l 211 75 l 0 75 SIGN    1 Mushroom 1 Person on a side-quest           gathering medicinal herbs and edible plants [04:46] Anna     Altargaia is knowledgeable about medicinal     herbs and other plants, right? [04:50] Kinoko     These are good for diarrhea. [04:53] Ryoko     My! [04:54] Ryoko     We really picked a lot! [04:57] Anna     Ryoko-san has incredible storage skills. [05:01] Anna     I have a fair amount of thief skills. [05:04] Alvin     Yeah. [05:05] Anna     Carla-chan is a holy woman. [05:07] Alvin     There's room for debate on that one! [05:09] Carla     Objection! [05:10] Alvin     Quiet, you! [05:11] Anna     In other words, we all have our     personal skills and specialties. [05:16] Alvin     Can we not go here? [05:17] Anna     But you, quite frankly— [05:19] Carla     Anna-san! [05:20] Carla     Please don't say that. [05:22] Alvin     Could you not dust yourself off right there? [05:24] Carla     A person's worth isn't decided by     how useful or useless they are. [05:28] Alvin     And you're standing on my mantle. [05:31] Carla     Besides, Alvin-san has a lot of good points! [05:34] Alvin     Let's hear them! [05:36] Carla     Well, you know... the things! [05:39] Alvin     You don't know. [05:41] Carla     I do so! [05:43] Carla     You just have so many good points,     I can't figure out where to start! [05:46] Carla     In one moment's thought,     I came up with 200 million! [05:49] Alvin     Liar. You haven't thought of a single— [05:51] Alvin     Wait, 200 million?! [05:52] Alvin     That's the number children     use when they're lying! [05:55] Alvin     At least say a hundred! [05:57] Carla     A hundred good points?     Don't you think highly of yourself! [06:01] Alvin     Yeah, right! [06:03] Alvin     Whatever. You're trying to say     I don't have any good points. [06:06] Carla     That's not true! [06:08] Carla     Here's one! [06:10] Carla     Those tin plates you're always wearing [06:12] Carla     are great for grilling meat! [06:13] Alvin     What are you talking about? [06:15] Alvin     And that doesn't even     qualify as a good point! [06:17] Carla     Number two! [06:18] Alvin     No one asked! [06:22] Alvin     You've got nothing! [06:23] Carla     Here's one! [06:24] Carla     You can also grill fish! [06:26] Alvin     In other words, nothing! [06:28] Anna     Carla-chan, Carla-chan. [06:30] Anna     Don't forget... [06:31] Carla     Oh, that's right. [06:33] Carla     I forgot something very important! [06:35] Carla     First, you need to add oil! [06:37] Carla     It'll burn if you don't. [06:39] Alvin     I don't care how you do it! [06:40] Alvin     Why are you talking about     using my armor to cook?! [06:45] Alvin     You're supposed to be talking     about my good points! [06:46] Alvin     At least say I'm nice or something! [06:49] Carla     Y-You can cook rice, too?! [06:52] Carla     The wonders of civilization! [06:54] Alvin     Just rip my ears off! [07:15] Anna     Don't push yourself too hard! [07:17] Alvin     What exactly are you doing? [07:18] Anna     Well? Can you get out now? [07:21] Alvin     Why would you even think that? [07:22] Carla     Very strange... [07:24] Alvin     Talking about yourself, now? [07:25] Carla     The moment I said, "Pah!" [07:28] Carla     I thought you'd "vwoop" out of the hole [07:29] Alvin     Boop! [07:30] Carla     and land like "boop!" [07:31] Carla     It wasn't a dream! [07:33] Carla     But I guess I can't do it     like the professionals do. [07:36] Carla     Whew, that was hard work! [07:38] Alvin     The professionals? [07:40] Carla     You don't know it? The famous ones! [07:42] Alvin     I seriously have no idea     what you're talking about! [07:44] Anna     Come on! Carla-chan is working     very hard to try and save you! [07:48] Anna     You need to put in the work, too! [07:50] Alvin     Come on, I'm stuck in here and can't get— [07:53] Alvin     Hey, I'm more mobile than I thought I was! [07:56] Anna     See? [07:57] Alvin     Sorry... [07:58] Alvin     I might just be able to pull myself out! [08:01] Carla     Wait one minute. [08:03] Carla     I'm going to try and save you. [08:05] Carla     Per-so-nall-y! [08:08] Alvin     Seriously, it's fine. [08:09] Alvin     I can probably get myself out. [08:10] Carla     No, pushing yourself is forbidden. [08:12] Alvin     Seriously, it's fine! [08:13] Carla     Please, accept my offer. [08:15] Carla     If you're not careful,     you might tear yourself in half. [08:18] Carla     Just leave this to me. [08:19] Alvin     I won't tear myself in half! I'm fine! [08:22] Carla     No, there's a roughly 90%     chance that you will. [08:24] Anna     Let her do it! [08:26] Anna     I think Carla-chan really wants to help you! [08:28] Alvin     What a freaking pain! [08:30] Alvin     Fine. [08:32] Alvin     All right, Carla, help me out. [08:36] Carla     I-Indeed I shall! [08:41] Anna     Carla-chan? [08:42] Carla     I know I typically annoy him,     but we've been through so much... [08:47] Carla     Enough to suggest that I'm going to     keep annoying him in the future, [08:49] Carla     but he'll tolerate it better     if I get on his good side now! [08:53] Carla     All right, time is money, people! [08:54] Carla     We'll start from the part     where you ask me for help— [08:56] Alvin     Up I go. [08:58] Alvin     Boy, I'm all dirty. [09:01] Alvin     I better find somewhere to wash off. [09:02] Carla     Are you just playing with my feelings?! [09:05] Alvin     It was pretty obvious you     were plotting against me. [09:08] Carla     Monster! Beast! Devil! Cultist!     Lord of Darkness! Emperor of Darkness! [09:12] Carla     River demon! Force of darkness!     Holy warrior of light! [09:13] Alvin     H-Hang on... [09:15] Alvin     Hey, you mixed a nice one in there! [09:16] Carla     So many appropriate titles,     I don't know where to start! [09:18] Carla     It's a night parade of shame! [09:20] Alvin     What?! [09:22] Alvin     Now, then... [09:25] Carla     You aren't going to open it? [09:27] Carla     We know there are no traps     on the chest itself. [09:30] Carla     You really should just open it already. [09:32] Carla     How long are you going to drag this out? [09:34] Alvin     But there are definitely     traps around it, right? [09:37] Alvin     In other words, someone put the     chest here for malicious purposes. [09:41] Alvin     That makes it an obvious prank.     No need to open it at all. [09:45] Anna     He's chickening out. [09:47] Anna     You're embarrassed about falling     for that cheap, little trap, [09:50] Anna     so you want to get out of     here ASAP. I understand. [09:52] Alvin     Can you not bring it up again? [09:54] Carla     It's all right. [09:56] Carla     It appears our bold front-liner     is chickening out. [09:59] Carla     Very well. [10:01] Carla     I'll open it instead. [10:03] Carla     The giant chicken can just stand back there. [10:06] Carla     My hopes aren't particularly high, [10:09] Carla     but come demon, come serpent... [10:11] Carla     come snake... [10:13] Carla     come viper... [10:15] Carla     Actually, what if it's a really big snake? [10:20] Alvin     Ka-boom! [10:22] Carla     Wh-Wh-What are you doing?! [10:24] Alvin     Sorry, I couldn't help it. [10:25] Anna     Don't shout at people like that! [10:27] Alvin     I'm really sorry! [10:28] Anna     You'll pay for this! [10:29] Carla     Unforgivable! [10:30] Carla     Sue-the-pants-off-you Stance! [10:32] Anna     She's revealed it!     That ancient martial arts stance! [10:35] Carla     I'll ruin you! I'll see you in court! [10:45] Alvin     Who are you again? [10:46] Mimic     Who am I again? [10:48] Mimic     I'm a mimic. [10:50] Mimic     I was in there! [10:51] Carla     In there? [10:55] Mimic     Now, look at what you've done! [10:57] Alvin     What? [10:58] Mimic     I've been waiting in there for three days. [11:01] Mimic     And now it's all for nothing! [11:03] Alvin     I really didn't mean any harm! [11:05] Anna     The poor little guy! You're so mean! [11:08] Carla     Mayor Mean of Mean City. [11:10] Mimic     First, you wasted so much time falling     into that stupid, little pit trap! [11:14] Mimic     I was supposed to be the main event here! [11:16] Alvin     But she said there were no traps! [11:18] Mimic     Really scaring you guys could've     been my ticket to a promotion! [11:23] Anna     My trap detection skill     doesn't pick up mimics! [11:26] Mimic     I'm getting a pay cut for this for sure! [11:28] Carla     Anna-san, he's still just a beginner. [11:31] Mimic     You heard that? [11:35] Carla     I'm sorry about our little fool. [11:37] Carla     He's still learning. Please forgive him. [11:40] Carla     But he is an excellent     cooking appliance, so... [11:45] Alvin     Not sure how that's supposed     to make him feel better. [11:47] Carla     Besides, I think you've just     misunderstood something. [11:51] Carla     That was just a rehearsal. [11:54] Mimic     A rehearsal? [11:55] Carla     Of course! [11:57] Carla     Even the world's best dancer can't go     from zero to the stage in one night! [12:01] Carla     A professional performance     demands a rehearsal! [12:04] Mimic     That's true! [12:06] Mimic     Yeah, I thought something felt off there! [12:09] Mimic     Of course! It's a rehearsal! [12:10] Mimic     So you were testing how     well my pit trap worked! [12:13] Mimic     Of course! [12:14] Mimic     I didn't think anybody would be stupid     enough to fall into that silly little trap! [12:19] Carla     Of course! [12:20] Carla     No one except for an adventurer     with beginner level 100! [12:24] sign     C'mon, open it! At least try? [12:25] Mimic     Does that mean this is the real performance? [12:28] Carla     Yes! [12:29] Mimic     Great! [12:30] Mimic     I'm really gonna scare you this time! [12:33] Carla     And I'm going to be more     scared than ever before! [12:36] Mimic     I can't wait! [12:39] Alvin     Can we get this over with? [12:40] Mimic     I'm counting on you! [12:44] Alvin     You got it backwards! [12:47] Anna     Okay! [12:48] Anna     We'll start from Carla-chan     opening the treasure chest! [12:52] Anna     Six seconds to roll! [12:54] Anna     Five, four, three... [12:56] Carla     My goodness! I've stumbled     upon a random treasure chest! [13:00] Anna     Huh? What? [13:02] Alvin     I don't think she understands     what a countdown is. [13:04] Carla     What luck! [13:06] Carla     It must be good karma! [13:09] Carla     I should really get to opening it! [13:12] Carla     I'm opening it now! [13:13] Carla     I'm opening up on the count of three! [13:16] Mimic     On the count of three, right? [13:18] Mimic     Okay... [13:19] Carla     Ten! [13:19] Mimic     She's starting from 10? [13:20] Carla     Nine! Wait a minute... [13:22] Carla     What if there's a mimic in this chest? [13:24] Mimic     Sh-She's sharp! [13:26] Mimic     Does she know I'm in here? [13:27] Carla     That could really be trouble. [13:30] Carla     I've heard that mimics are     very frightening monsters! [13:33] Carla     That their true form is that     of a nightmare turned flesh! [13:37] Carla     Six arms, eight legs... [13:39] Carla     Countless tentacles sprouting     from their heads! [13:42] Carla     They're surely nothing like the     monsters you see in picture books, [13:45] Carla     childish, little monsters with a     single eye and small horns... [13:51] Carla     There's no way a real mimic     could be something that silly. [13:54] Carla     And even if they were, that would simply     be a disguise to get our guard down. [13:57] Carla     Surely, deep down,     they are truly terrifying monsters! [14:01] Carla     When it really counts, they'll manifest     the most terrifying visage imaginable! [14:08] Carla     Just imagining it has me trembling in fear! [14:12] Carla     However! As an adventurer, I cannot     refuse the treasure chest's call! [14:17] Carla     No matter what horrifying     creature waits within! [14:22] Carla     Pray for me! [14:30] Carla     It's locked. [14:31] Alvin     Much like your heart. [14:42] Alvin     I think there's a fracture. [14:44] Alvin     It might even be broken! [14:46] Carla     It's really swelling! [14:48] Carla     Does it hurt? [14:49] Alvin     The pain-relieving herbs are doing their     thing, so I feel fine for now, but... [14:53] Kinoko     But it's lucky you weren't     hurt worse than that. [14:57] Alvin     Yeah, that was pretty scary. [14:59] Alvin     Never thought we'd run into a cyclops! [15:03] Alvin     And... [15:05] Alvin     That she'd be changing when we did. [15:16] Alvin     She really got me hard out of nowhere. [15:19] Alvin     I'm lucky it wasn't worse, but... [15:21] Anna     No young girl likes to be walked     in on while she's changing! [15:24] Alvin     I was more surprised that     she was a young girl! [15:27] Alvin     Still, Carla really saved me this time. [15:31] Anna     True, you'd have been in real     trouble if not for Carla-chan. [15:35] Carla     I r-really didn't do anything... [15:37] Anna     No need to be modest, Carla-chan! [15:40] Carla     Really? [15:41] Carla     In that case... [15:42] Carla     Worship me! [15:43] Alvin     Stow it! [15:45] Alvin     But thanks to Carla... [15:47] (Flashback) Carla     Are you all right? [15:49] (Flashback) Alvin     That was close. Even the     glancing blow hurts like hell. [15:53] (Flashback) Alvin     Anyway, for now we should run— [15:55] (Flashback) Alvin     Hey, Carla! [15:57] (Flashback) Carla     I b-beg your pardon! [15:59] (Flashback) Alvin     Stupid! Get away! [16:01] (Flashback) Alvin     Carla! What in the world are you— [16:03] (Flashback) Alvin     That lingerie! Is that from     the new spring collection?! [16:07] (Flashback) Alvin     What is she talking about? [16:08] (Flashback) Alvin     Look at that face! She's totally baffled! [16:11] (Flashback) Cyclops Lady     Wow, you recognize it?! [16:12] (Flashback) Alvin     She understands?! [16:14] (Flashback) Carla     I sure do! [16:16] (Flashback) Carla     That capital city brand,     "Scent of a Dwarf," right? [16:19] (Flashback) Carla     You've got great taste! [16:21] (Flashback) Cyclops Lady     Wow, you can tell? [16:23] (Flashback) Cyclops Lady     You're so right! [16:24] (Flashback) Cyclops Lady     I'm on my way to fight a     nearby village's garrison! [16:28] (Flashback) Carla     I see! They're your go-for-it panties, then? [16:31] Cyclops Lady     Yes, pink for spring! [16:31] (Flashback) Anna     Okay, the boys wait over there! [16:33] Cyclops Lady     Charming, aren't they? [16:34] (Flashback) Anna     This is girl-talk time! [16:34] (Flashback) Carla     They look great on you! [16:36] (Flashback) Alvin     Is that what "go-for-it panties" means? [16:39] Alvin     Thanks to Carla distracting     her, nothing happened. [16:44] Alvin     Yes, nothing happened at all... [16:46] Alvin     No heart-racing, pulse-pounding battle... [16:49] Alvin     Of course... it's always best to     avoid conflict if you can, but... [16:54] Carla     I'm sorry I'm more talented     than a certain front-liner. [16:57] Alvin     Knock it off. [16:58] Alvin     But what happened with that monster, anyway? [17:01] Carla     We exchanged contact information. [17:04] (Flashback) Cyclops Lady     Let's go shopping some time! [17:06] Alvin     You're pretty good at     talking things out, huh? [17:10] Carla     At any rate, I need to heal you! [17:13] Alvin     R-Right. [17:14] Alvin     Hey, are you going to use     proper healing magic? [17:17] Alvin     I mean, you're a healer, so this     shouldn't be that surprising... [17:21] Carla     You defended me earlier, so... [17:24] Carla     But forget that. Healing comes first. [17:26] Alvin     S-Sure. Get to it. [17:40] Carla     Bwaaaaaa! [17:41] Alvin     Shut up! [17:43] Alvin     Hey! Do you really have to yell that loud?! [17:46] Carla     Son of a bitch! [17:47] Alvin     Wait! Hold on a minute! [17:50] Alvin     And stop shouting! [17:52] Alvin     Stop it! [17:52] Carla     Fwakyuu! [17:53] Alvin     Knock it off! [17:55] Carla     What's wrong with you? [17:56] Carla     Could you please not stop me     in the middle of healing you? [18:00] Carla     Harrumph! [18:02] Alvin     I had to stop you! [18:03] Alvin     If your "chant" involves screaming     names at me, I'm going to stop you! [18:06] Alvin     And what was "Fwakyuu" thing? [18:08] Carla     Very well. I'll do it properly. [18:11] Alvin     Then what was that last one?! [18:13] Carla     Ryoko-san, could you fetch me a cloth? [18:16] Ryoko     Certainly, Carla-san. [18:20] Alvin     Is Ryoko-san just our bag of holding now? [18:24] Carla     Ryoko-san has a very     high-level storage skill! [18:27] Ryoko     I appreciate that! [18:29] Alvin     Is "storage" what this really is? [18:32] Alvin     So, what are you going     to do with that cloth? [18:34] Carla     Well, just watch. [18:36] Carla     It's a completely ordinary cloth. [18:38] Carla     If I place it over your arm... [18:40] Carla     I'll infuse it with power,     then remove it on the count of three. [18:44] Alvin     Looks pretty much like     what you did last time. [18:46] Carla     One, two... [18:48] Alvin     She really doesn't understand     the concept of a countdown. [18:50] Alvin     What?! [18:51] Alvin     The swelling's gone? [18:52] Alvin     And it almost seems kind of shiny now... [18:55] Alvin     It was sleight-of-hand?! [18:57] Carla     It was hand power! [18:59] Alvin     Incredible, I guess! [19:06] Alvin     It really was pretty surprising, though... [19:09] Carla     What are you talking about now? [19:11] Alvin     I just can't believe you can     use normal healing magic. [19:15] Alvin     Though I guess that wasn't     exactly "normal," anyway... [19:17] Carla     Are you saying you thought I     couldn't use real magic before?! [19:22] Alvin     Well, given your history and all. [19:24] Carla     You mean you thought I was     merely a beautiful girl [19:28] Carla     overflowing with motherly instinct,     intelligence, and love? [19:31] Carla     You flatter me. [19:32] Alvin     I didn't think that. [19:33] Alvin     Though, to be honest...     you are pretty amazing. [19:36] Alvin     You seem to have powerful magical skills, [19:40] Alvin     despite the whole "personality" thing... [19:42] Anna     There you are! [19:43] Alvin     But a guy my age still     doesn't have any stars, [19:47] Alvin     and other adventurers still     call me the "veteran rookie." [19:51] Alvin     Lately, I've been thinking that a weirdo     like you might be a good match for me. [19:55] Kinoko     Over there! [19:56] Alvin     If you were more normal, you'd probably     be part of a different party, [20:01] Alvin     and I'd probably still be solo. [20:04] Anna     Got you this time! [20:05] Alvin     You've dealt me your share     of psychological damage... [20:09] Alvin     but... you know... [20:12] Alvin     I guess I should say... [20:14] Alvin     Thank you. [20:16] Alvin     Let's keep working together. [20:20] Kinoko     What? Where'd she go? [20:23] Carla     E-Enough of those fully     justified words of gratitude! [20:26] Carla     B-Besides, I-I'm the bun choose     happy... joined a party... [20:33] Carla     w-w-with... [20:35] Carla     Just be grateful! [20:37] Alvin     This is what I'm talking about! [20:44] Alvin     Time to head out, I think. [20:47] Celia     Help me! [20:52] Celia     Help me! [20:56] Alvin     "I am the Dwarf mayor." SIGN    I am the Dwarf mayor.      The great sorcerer of darkness, Dorman,      is attacking our village to try     to steal our sacred artifact.      If Dorman retrieves the artifact,     the world will be destroyed.     Brave warrior, I beg of you,     foil Dorman's plot! Please! [20:58] Alvin     "The great sorcerer of darkness, Dorman, [21:01] Alvin     is attacking our village to try     to steal our sacred artifact. [21:04] Alvin     If Dorman retrieves the artifact,     the world will be destroyed." [21:10] Alvin     "Brave warrior, I beg of you,     foil Dorman's plot! Please!" [21:15] Celia     My grandpa is the mayor. [21:17] Celia     He told me to give that message     to a nice-looking person. [21:21] Celia     He got me out, but then he got captured     with the rest of the villagers... [21:26] Celia     Please, save them all! [21:29] Kinoko     Dorman is a major bad guy who leads an     army of magically-crafted soldiers! [21:34] Alvin     Dorman, eh? [21:36] Alvin     I've certainly heard of him. [21:38] Alvin     His magic power is five-star... [21:39] Alvin     No, likely far greater than that. [21:44] Carla     Zero-star lol-in-parentheses     Alvin-san doesn't stand a chance. SIGN    Next Time [23:25] Alvin     They called us in for the preview?! [23:27] Carla     This is the last episode, after all! [23:28] Alvin     Really? [23:29] Kinoko     You didn't know? [23:30] Anna     We all get slain by the bad guys. [23:32] Alvin     No way! [23:33] Ryoko     You'll have to watch and see! [23:35] Alvin     I really can't wait! [23:36] All     Watch it, everyone! SIGN    "We've reached the final episode at last and the entire staff including     those on the manga side would like to thank you all for watching but     because the manga doesn't yet contain a story that could be used for a     final episode this is basically going to be a totally original story although we     made sure to get the dwarf character designs and lines and ideas from     the creator Hakko-sensei so we were able to make it feel consistent     but it's also sad to reach the end at last and while we'd really like to     spend more time with Carla and Alvin and the others please remember that     their adventures will continue in the manga so continue to support them     there but anyway thank you so much for watching and once more from the     bottom of our hearts we'd like to say thank you so much     and that's the deal with episode 12 (final episode)" SIGN    See you then! [23:38] Carla     We've reached the— E12 - We've reached the final episode at last... Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) [00:03] Alvin     The village is completely abandoned! [00:05] Carla     A reflection of Alvin-san's     chronic unpopularity?! [00:09] Alvin     People wouldn't disappear from a     village because I'm unpopular! [00:12] Alvin     More likely, they heard you     were coming and ran off! [00:16] Carla     If they knew I was coming,     they'd be lining up to shake my hand! [00:21] Ryoko     It's all right, Celia-chan. [00:23] Ryoko     I promise we'll save the dwarves. [00:26] Carla     Dwarves... a race with which     we do not get along well. [00:30] Alvin     Do elves and dwarves have     some kind of history? [00:34] Carla     Yes. [00:35] Carla     I once tried to get a dwarf-owned clothing     shop to knock down their prices, and failed. [00:39] Alvin     That's a personal history! [00:41] Alvin     It's got nothing to do with your race! [00:42] Kinoko     Hey! [00:44] Kinoko     I looked all around, but they     weren't in the village. [00:47] Anna     Here, either. [00:47] Anna     They must have been taken off somewhere! [00:50] Alvin     I see. [00:51] Carla     But I'll make sure there     are no hidden injured. [00:54] Alvin     You've got a spell for that? [00:56] Carla     I have a healer's ability to locate     the weakened and vulnerable. [01:00] Alvin     Sounds like a predator seeking out prey... [01:04] Carla     Then... O, sacred power. [01:06] Carla     I pray thee, let me save     the injured and abandoned. [01:10] Carla     Reveal to me the location     of the sad and the weak. [01:13] Alvin     Wow, looks like it's really working! [01:15] Alvin     Nah, it's creepy. [01:18] Carla     Seek them! [01:20] Alvin     If we find any weakened nearby,     I guess we'll have to save them. [01:24] Carla     I'm picking up something nearby! [01:26] Carla     And they're indeed in     quite a weakened state! [01:28] Alvin     What? Where are they?! [01:33] Alvin     I'm not particularly weakened... [01:35] Carla     Yeah, sorry. You were weak from the start. [01:38] Alvin     Please! I'm very resilient! [01:41] Kinoko     But how are we supposed to save the people     if we don't know where they been taken? [01:46] Anna     Good question... [01:47] Celia     I heard! [01:49] Celia     The bad people took them     into the castle dungeon! [01:52] Celia     Over there! [01:54] Alvin     Definitely the kind of place     you'd expect to find a villain. SIGN    Don't Hurt Me, SIGN    Don't Hurt Me, SIGN    My Healer! SIGN    We've reached the final episode at last... [02:02] Anna     Oh, I'm so worried! [02:04] Anna     I just hope they're doing okay! [02:06] Kinoko     Calm down already. [02:08] Kinoko     They'll be fine. [02:09] Anna     What are you talking about? [02:10] Kinoko     Hush! Celia-chan finally got to sleep! [02:14] Anna     They're up against Dorman,     a tried-and-true villain! [02:17] Kinoko     It's true, I doubt Big Sis's fast-talk     abilities will do much here. [02:21] Anna     Right? [02:23] Anna     I sure hope they come back safely! [02:25] Anna     Carla-chan... [02:32] Alvin     What's that you've got there? [02:33] Carla     Camouflage. [02:35] Alvin     You stand out like a sore     thumb. Knock it off. [02:36] Alvin     Get down! [02:38] Brigan     Hey. What's up, brothers? [02:40] Brigan     Anything sign of trouble? [02:42] Alvin     That's... [02:43] Carla     Prison! [02:44] Alvin     It's Brigan... [02:46] Alvin     And that's certainly a     unique way of laying low. [02:48] Brigin     No one's coming to this rotten place. [02:50] Brigun     And the dwarves still won't tell     you where the artifact is? [02:55] Brigan     Yeah, and I don't wanna     get too rough with them. [02:58] Brigan     They're first-rate craftsmen. [03:00] Brigan     They'll fetch big money if we can     sell them in good condition. [03:03] Carla     So he's working with Dorman? [03:06] Alvin     Looks like... [03:07] Alvin     He's a disgrace to the name "adventurer"! [03:10] Ryoko     Scouting complete. [03:11] Alvin     Great! [03:12] Ryoko     On the castle's left side, there's a     walled-in building that looks like a prison. [03:17] Alvin     Right. [03:18] Alvin     Thankfully, tonight's a new moon. [03:20] Alvin     We can break in under cover of darkness. [03:22] Alvin     Stay quiet, all right? [03:24] Alvin     No talking from here on out! [03:26] Alvin     Wh-What now?! [03:33] Alvin     Your hand signals are really annoying! [03:35] Carla     My idea was, "Let's have Ryoko-san     carry us inside the wall." [03:39] Alvin     How was I supposed to know that?! [03:40] Alvin     Wait, can you really do that? [03:42] Ryoko     If it's just the two of you,     I can carry you inside my body. [03:47] Alvin     Inside your dre— [03:49] Carla     Inside her pack. [03:57] Ryoko     We're here. [03:59] Ryoko     Stay quiet. [04:00] Ryoko     There are two magic warriors     standing guard outside the wall. [04:04] Ryoko     The prison itself has a dark spell     cast upon it, so I cannot enter. [04:08] Ryoko     Take care. [04:10] Alvin     Sure thing. Thanks! [04:12] Alvin     No sign of guards, eh? [04:14] Carla     And the doors are wide open! [04:16] Alvin     Good thing Brigan's so sloppy. [04:19] Dwarf1     What, here to question us again?! [04:21] Dwarf2     We'll never tell you where the artifact is! [04:24] Alvin     Hush! Be quiet! [04:26] Alvin     The guards outside will hear you. [04:28] Alvin     We're on your side! [04:29] Carla     Indeed. [04:30] Carla     With a heart of benevolence and mercy... [04:33] Carla     I've come to save you dwarves,     whom I don't even like! [04:36] Alvin     Shut up! You're making things complicated! [04:38] Alvin     I-Is the mayor here? [04:41] Mayor     I am the mayor. SIGN    I am the Dwarf mayor.      The great sorcerer of darkness,     Dorman, is attacking our village     to try to steal our sacred artifact.      If Dorman retrieves the artifact,     the world will be destroyed.     Brave warrior, I beg of you,     foil Dorman's plot! Please!      I am the Dwarf mayor. [04:44] Mayor     I see. [04:46] Mayor     So you're the ones who     saved my granddaughter! [04:48] Mayor     I can't thank you enough. [04:50] Carla     She's hiding in a safe place for now. [04:52] Alvin     Dorman's after your artifact, I hear. [04:55] Mayor     Yes. [04:56] Mayor     The artifact has sacred power     that can drive off dark magic. [05:00] Mayor     Dorman fears it. [05:03] Mayor     This castle is a fortress     built by our ancestors. [05:07] Mayor     It's in ruins now, [05:09] Mayor     but the artifact is hidden     deep in its depths. [05:12] Mayor     I'll tell you where to find it. [05:14] Mayor     Will you defeat Dorman and save us all? [05:18] Alvin     What is it? [05:19] Carla     If you want to ask for someone's help, [05:21] Carla     shouldn't you kneel down in front     of them and press your forehead— [05:22] Alvin     Can you not?! [05:25] Mayor     We beg of you! [05:27] Dwarves     Please! [05:34] Alvin     It took time to collect what we     needed, but we made it inside. [05:38] Alvin     A fork already? [05:40] Alvin     Do we go straight here? [05:41] Carla     Yes. [05:42] Carla     Go straight and you'll hit a pit trap. [05:45] Alvin     Don't say "yes" first. [05:46] Carla     I'll be more careful. [05:48] Alvin     A dead end. [05:49] Alvin     It's been quite a maze so far. [05:51] Alvin     You think we took a wrong turn? [05:53] Carla     We've been following the map the     mayor drew for us to a T. [05:57] Carla     But if we press the triangle lithograph— [05:59] Alvin     I see. A hidden door? [06:01] Carla     No, it springs a pit trap. [06:04] Alvin     Thanks again! [06:07] Alvin     Talk faster next time! [06:08] Carla     I'll be more careful. [06:10] Carla     The artifact should be inside this room. [06:13] Alvin     He told you how to open this door, right? [06:15] Carla     Yes. [06:16] Carla     If you turn the rightmost     statue ninety degrees left... [06:19] Alvin     Got it. If I turn it left— [06:21] Alvin     Will it spring a trap? [06:22] Carla     Yes, and you'll have a perfect     sweep of the pit traps. [06:25] Alvin     That's not a good thing! [06:27] Carla     You weren't refining your special talent? [06:29] Alvin     I never embraced that at a talent! [06:31] Alvin     And I feel bad for making Ryoko-chan     save me every time I fall! [06:35] Alvin     Just tell me the right way     to do things already! [06:37] Carla     No fun... [06:44] Alvin     Dwarven technology is incredible! [06:47] Alvin     Look at all this! [06:48] Carla     Dwarves make incredible lingerie, as well. [06:51] Alvin     Underwear's not really on the same level! [06:54] Alvin     Is that the artifact?! [06:55] Carla     It does appear so. [06:57] Alvin     I doubt it'll be trapped,     but wait here just in case. [07:00] Carla     Right. [07:01] Alvin     Not quite what I expected... [07:04] Dorman     Thanks for showing me the way. [07:06] Alvin     What?! [07:07] Brigan     Lord Dorman sees all! [07:10] Alvin     Brigan! And is that... [07:13] Alvin     The great sorcerer of darkness, Dorman?! [07:15] Dorman     I noticed dark elf magic about... [07:18] Dorman     And it's truly led me to the jackpot! [07:20] Carla     My magic? You mean, you noticed my charms?! [07:23] Dorman     No, your literal magic. [07:24] Brigan     You can't notice what doesn't exist! [07:27] Dorman     Now, hand over the crown! [07:30] Alvin     Not a chance! [07:31] Carla     Wait a minute, Alvin-san! [07:33] Carla     I'll handle this! [07:35] Carla     Aren't you skipping an obligatory     evil boss character line right now? [07:39] Dorman     Oh? And what's that? [07:41] Carla     You're supposed to offer to     give us half the world! [07:44] Carla     We might be willing to negotiate! [07:46] Alvin     That's not a thing good guys say! [07:48] Dorman     Sorry, but I'm not here to negotiate... [07:51] Dorman     But hand it over and I'll be willing     to make you soldiers in my army. [07:55] Brigan     What do you think, Alvin? [07:57] Brigan     I'll certainly put you to good use! [07:59] Carla     No, I'll put him to good use! [08:01] Alvin     I don't want either! [08:03] Dorman     In that case... [08:09] Ryoko     Carla-san! [08:10] Alvin     Damn it! Let go of Carla! [08:13] Dorman     Well? Ready to give me the crown yet?! [08:21] Anna     Are you all right, Carla-chan? [08:23] Carla     Anna-san! Thank you! [08:24] Anna     I got worried and had to come! [08:26] Anna     Alvin, now! [08:27] Alvin     Okay! [08:28] Alvin     Hear me, artifact! Destroy the dark magic! [08:31] Dorman     Fool! [08:37] Alvin     Why...?! [08:38] Ryoko     Alvin-san! [08:40] Anna     Alvin! [08:42] Brigan     Drop that weapon, now! [08:45] Brigan     Now, bring me the crown... [08:47] Brigan     Unless you want me to start     carving up her face? [08:50] Carla     Don't do it! Run! [08:51] Carla     Forget about me! [08:53] Carla     Go, before they take the crown! [08:55] Anna     But... [08:55] Carla     I'll be safe as long as I have     value to them as a hostage. [09:00] Carla     Besides, just once, I wanted to     sound like a real female lead! [09:04] Anna     S-Sure... [09:06] Anna     Ryoko-chan, we're getting out of here! [09:08] Ryoko     Right! [09:08] Dorman     You won't escape! [09:13] Dorman     Throw the girl in the dungeon! [09:15] Dorman     Find them! And take the crown! [09:19] Brigan     Aren't you lucky you have value to us? [09:22] Brigan     Dark elves fetch a high price, after all... [09:35] Brigan     Ain't this a pretty picture? [09:36] Brigan     The disaster land mine healer     is abandoned by her partner [09:39] Brigan     and ends up all alone again! [09:41] Carla     Alvin-san will come to save me! [09:44] Carla     If there's one thing he understands,     it's how to read the mood! [09:46] Carla     Give that back! [09:47] Brigan     Nuh-uh! [09:49] Brigan     I'm taking this as payment     for the time you kicked me. [09:52] Brigan     Now stay in there and be good. [09:52] Carla     Give it back! Give it back! [09:55] Carla     Prison! [09:57] Mayor     Was that thing really that important to you? [10:00] Carla     Certainly nack! SIGN    Ack [10:02] Carla     It's not a memento of the first     dungeon I ever beat or anythack! SIGN    Ack [10:06] Mayor     You're a very transparent one. [10:08] Mayor     But that adventurer partner of yours... [10:11] Mayor     Are you sure he can handle this? [10:16] Carla     Alvin-san... [10:18] Alvin     I see. [10:19] Alvin     Carla let herself be captured. [10:22] Kinoko     Big Sis... [10:23] Ryoko     I'm sorry. I wish I'd been able to do more. [10:26] Anna     You did the best you could! [10:27] Alvin     I'd like to go save her right away, but... [10:30] Anna     If the artifact is useless... [10:32] Anna     Isn't there anything we can do? [10:35] Alvin     Hey, how far away from the castle are we? [10:38] Anna     At least two kilometers, I'm sure. [10:41] Alvin     The death-upon-separation     curse didn't activate! [10:44] Ryoko     What? Where did Altargaia-san go? [10:47] Alvin     You don't think he went to     save Carla all on his own?! [10:50] Anna     If he left without telling us,     it means he probably ran away! [10:52] Alvin     Not that I can blame him... [10:54] Anna     But you haven't run away. [10:56] Anna     Even though you said you'd ditch this     party on the spot if not for the curse... [10:59] Alvin     Party, eh? [11:02] Alvin     You're right. I guess I'd better. [11:04] Alvin     Yeah, I'll run away! [11:06] Alvin     It's not like I stand a chance,     with this thing being busted and all... [11:09] Artifact     Blasphemer! [11:10] Alvin     It talked! [11:11] Alvin     Wh-What the... [11:14] Artifact     My power waxes and wanes with the moon! [11:18] Artifact     Tonight is a new moon,     when my power is at its weakest! [11:22] Artifact     That is why Dorman chose this day to strike! [11:27] Alvin     And that's why your power     didn't activate then? [11:29] Artifact     But there is a way to restore my power. [11:32] Artifact     Have a healer cast a spell on me! [11:35] Alvin     A healer? [11:36] Artifact     A powerful healing spell will     let me use my full powers! [11:43] Alvin     Can I ask you a question? [11:45] Alvin     There was a strange curse on me that     seems to have abruptly broken. [11:48] Alvin     Is it because of you? [11:49] Artifact     It is possible! [11:51] Artifact     Holy power likely purged it naturally! [11:54] Alvin     I see... [11:55] Alvin     Then even if I leave Carla     behind, I wouldn't die? [11:59] Artifact     Carla? Is that the girl     you were with earlier? [12:02] Alvin     Yeah... [12:03] Artifact     There's something I must tell you! [12:05] Artifact     You and that girl carry a powerful     bond from a previous life! [12:09] Alvin     What?! [12:10] Artifact     It happened half a century ago! [12:12] Artifact     You were elves, and you were in love. [12:16] Artifact     But your clan was destroyed by the armies     of the great sorcerer of darkness. [12:20] Artifact     You swore that you'd be     reunited in your new lives! [12:24] Artifact     And now, though you've lost your     memories of your past lives, [12:28] Artifact     that bond of destiny has     brought you back together! [12:31] Alvin     Carla and I were... [12:33] Artifact     And if you defeat that dark sorcerer,     your sworn enemy, [12:36] Artifact     you will be bonded forever in true love! [12:40] Alvin     True love?! [12:42] Alvin     Wait a minute... Half a century ago? [12:45] Alvin     Carla might look like a kid in human terms, [12:47] Alvin     but I'm pretty sure she's     been alive for 72 years! [12:49] Artifact     W-Well, that's... [12:51] Anna     And if they were in love in a past life, [12:54] Anna     wouldn't they get along a little better now? [12:56] Ryoko     That's true. [12:59] Artifact     Fine, I guess it didn't work! [13:02] Artifact     I thought that little speech     might help motivate you, but... [13:05] Alvin     Are you kidding me?! [13:06] Artifact     Escape! [13:07] Alvin     Not a chance! [13:08] Artifact     I'm sorry! Forgive me! [13:10] Alvin     I am this party's warrior! [13:12] Alvin     I will fulfill my role! [13:14] Alvin     Even if I am beginner level 100, [13:16] Alvin     and adventurer rank lol-in-parentheses! [13:19] Alvin     I will not abandon the ideals of justice! [13:22] Artifact     Hang on... Are you really that weak? [13:24] Alvin     I shouldn't have said anything. [13:28] Ryoko     I don't see any lookouts. [13:29] Alvin     It seems like a total trap, but... [13:32] Artifact     You hear me? [13:33] Artifact     First, place me at the center     of the magic-sealing circle! [13:37] Artifact     I'll break the barrier with my holy power. [13:40] Artifact     Then you can use magic,     even within the dungeon! [13:45] Artifact     Wh-What's wrong? [13:46] Artifact     Sorry, I guess my magic's     way too low for that... [13:49] Alvin     You are so useless! [13:52] Alvin     Darn it... what would we have done if [13:54] Alvin     Ryoko-san hadn't lent me her cleaning supplies?! [13:57] Artifact     She seems like a very useful maid! [13:59] Alvin     Way more useful than you! [14:01] Alvin     Damn you, Brigan! [14:02] Alvin     Of course he locked it! [14:04] Alvin     Ryoko-chan, I need you! [14:06] Ryoko     Right! [14:08] Ryoko     Here we are! [14:10] Carla     You call? I come! [14:13] Carla     It's Carla! [14:14] Alvin     I'll be annoyed about that later! [14:15] Alvin     First, cast a powerful healing     spell on this crown! [14:18] Carla     Righty-o! [14:19] Carla     Ryoko-san told me everything! [14:21] Carla     Here I go! [14:22] Carla     Holy power, infuse this crown     with the light of resurrection! [14:28] Carla     I'm infusing it with my spirit, too! [14:30] Alvin     Evil spirit?! [14:32] Carla     I'm in no position to     entertain your bad jokes! [14:36] Artifact     I feel sick! [14:39] Carla     How do you feel, Artifact-san? [14:42] Artifact     It was a good try, but your     magic power was insufficient! [14:44] Alvin     It's hopeless, then? [14:47] Alvin     What?! [14:48] Dorman     That was quite an amusing show! [14:54] Brigan     Give up already, Alvin! [14:57] Alvin     They knew we were here! [14:59] Alvin     Ryoko-chan, get us out! [15:00] Ryoko     Right! [15:02] Carla     Ryoko-san! [15:03] Dorman     You won't escape! [15:05] Brigan     I'm gonna give you a beating     before I take that crown. [15:09] Brigan     Get it, Alvin-san? [15:10] Brigin     Then, I'll take the healer. [15:12] Brigun     I get the immobilized maid? No fun. [15:14] Alvin     Damn it! What do we do? [15:16] Alvin     If we could escape now, we could try     again under the full moon, but... [15:21] Carla     Alvin-san... [15:24] Alvin     Is it all over?! [15:26] Carla     Not yet! [15:27] Alvin     Carla! [15:28] Carla     For the sake of the mayor     who groveled before me, [15:30] Carla     I will not give up the artifact! [15:32] Carla     I'll fight with you! [15:33] Ryoko     It's too much! [15:35] Ryoko     You'll both be killed! [15:37] Ryoko     Someone... [15:38] Ryoko     Someone help us! [15:41] Brigan     What? [15:43] Kinoko     Hey, we made it! [15:45] Anna     Is everyone safe? [15:46] Ryoko     Altargaia-san! [15:47] Carla     Anna-san? [15:48] Alvin     And the golem! [15:49] Alvin     You guys all came! [15:51] Bear     The forest folk are here, too, gao! [15:53] Cow     We shall fight by your side, moo! [15:55] Cyclops     We don't stand for villains here! [15:57] Golem     We crush them! [15:58] Cyclops Lady     Especially those who would bully Carla-chan! [16:01] Carla     You all... [16:02] Alvin     What nice folks! [16:03] Brigan     We still outnumber them! [16:05] Brigan     Go! [16:06] Bear     Kuma! [16:07] Cow     Moo! [16:08] Thief     C-Come bat me, bwiends! [16:13] Beast     We knew what you were going for.     Chin up! [16:16] Thief     Really? I don't need to try it again? [16:19] Witch     Feel the wrath of my medicine! [16:22] Orc     Oink! And now I'll finish you! [16:24] Orc     Hecaton Cyclone! [16:26] Orc     Oink! [16:27] Witch     What's the matter? [16:28] Orc     I twisted my ankle... [16:30] Witch     Here's a poultice. [16:32] Golem     I won't let you inside! [16:35] Kinoko     There's still fighting outside! [16:36] Anna     It's not safe, so please     wait here until it's over! [16:39] Celia     Grandpa! [16:40] Mayor     Celia! [16:41] Celia     You're safe! [16:42] Celia     Celia did good! [16:44] Dwarf2     You did a fine job, Celia! [16:46] Mayor     Well done, Celia! [16:46] Kinoko     Celia? [16:47] Anna     I guess she still speaks in baby talk. [16:48] Celia     More praise! [16:49] Medusa     Shu-wah! [16:51] Medusa     These stupid puppets don't know     to look away. Makes it easy! [16:55] Dryad     Your magic won't work on me! [16:58] Dryad     Now here's your punishment for defying me! [17:01] Medusa     Me next! Me! [17:03] Dryad     Why don't you stick to your "Shu-wah"? [17:05] Medusa     Aw, I wanna do it, too! [17:08] Brigin     Brigun! I need a heal! [17:10] Brigun     Brother Brigin! I'm on my way! [17:14] Cow     You shall not pass! [17:16] Cow     Give him lots of punishment. [17:19] Both     Call us queen! [17:21] Brigan     The rest of you are up against me! [17:24] Maria     Wait a moment! [17:26] Maria     I won't let you harm them! [17:28] Ellie     Get them, Big Sis! [17:30] Zobita     We'll protect Maria-san! [17:31] Zombies     Yeah! [17:32] Maria     Do my bidding, Undead Wolf! [17:35] Ellie     I'm in this, too! [17:41] Alvin     Maria-san, thank you! [17:43] Carla     Creepy but friendly is a strange combination! [17:46] Maria     I-Is it? [17:48] Maria     Ellie, put yourself away. [17:50] Ellie     Okay! [17:51] Ghost A     Run! [17:52] Ghost B     Run, run! [17:53] Ghost C     Catch me if you can! [17:55] Gobkichi     Serves you right! [17:56] Gobkichi     Let's bury them all! [17:58] Ghosts&Goblins     Bury them! [17:59] Mimic     Go on, open me! [18:01] Mimic     I'll scare the pants off     you and get my promotion! [18:04] Mimic     Someone open me already! [18:07] Anna     This is taking longer than I expected... [18:09] Carla     Yes. [18:10] Cyclops Lady     Carla-chan, above you! [18:13] Cyclops Lady     Nice going, dear! [18:14] Ellie     Awesome! [18:15] Carla     You saved me. Thank you. [18:17] Cyclops     Sure... [18:18] Cyclops     Still, these things just keep coming!     It never ends! [18:22] Cyclops Lady     Indeed. If we can't cut them off     at the source, we're doomed. [18:25] Cyclops Lady     Oh? [18:26] Anna     Where's Alvin? [18:27] Cyclops Lady     Look there, everyone! [18:30] Carla     Alvin-san! [18:33] Bear     He ran off on his own, bear? [18:35] Maria     It appears so... [18:37] Anna     Alvin's the only one with the item     that can oppose Dorman, after all! [18:41] Carla     But my magic power was too weak. [18:43] Carla     I wasn't able to restore the artifact. [18:45] Anna     Oh, no! [18:46] Maria     Then, at this rate... [18:48] Cyclops Lady     Eventually, we'll all tire ourselves out... [18:50] Cyclops     ...and we'll be dead. [18:52] Bear     So, you just need a magic boost, bear? [18:55] Dorman     Took you long enough, adventurer! [18:58] Alvin     What— [18:58] Alvin     Crap! [19:00] Alvin     I failed! [19:01] Dorman     Thought you could catch me by surprise? [19:02] Dorman     Without the power of that crown,     you can't even put up a fight against me! [19:07] Alvin     Oh, shut up! [19:08] Dorman     Whine all you like, dog. [19:10] Dorman     Once that crown's gone, I'll be invincible! [19:12] Dorman     The world will be mine! [19:14] Dorman     I'll erase it along with your head! [19:18] Carla     Alvin-san! [19:20] Alvin     Carla! [19:20] Carla     He's caught! [19:22] Carla     Holy power, infuse this crown     with the light of resurrection! [19:23] Bear     That mace I gave you has the     power to amplify magic, bear! [19:30] Artifact     Power overwhelming! [19:33] Artifact     Alvin, remove your helmet     and put me on your head! [19:36] Alvin     Sure thing! [19:36] Dorman     Curse you! [19:44] Alvin     I will defeat you myself! [19:46] Dorman     Then I'll have to remove     your head and steal it! [19:53] Alvin     My body feels light! [19:54] Artifact     That's because I'm supporting you! [19:55] Cyclops     Incredible! [19:57] Carla     He's like a different person! [19:58] Carla     Appearance-wise, too! [19:59] Cyclops     Are they even? [20:00] Cyclops     No, he's being beaten... [20:02] Carla     I'll support him! [20:05] Carla     Alvin-san! [20:06] Carla     It's my enhancement spell! [20:08] Carla     Take it! [20:09] Alvin     That one?! [20:10] Dorman     I'll be taking that! [20:15] Dorman     What... What exactly did that enhance?! [20:17] Alvin     Your flavor and mouthfeel! [20:24] Alvin     Great job, Carla! [20:25] Carla     I resent this slightly, but I'm glad! [20:28] Alvin     Wrong way! [20:33] Alvin     Thanks, everyone! [20:38] Carla     Triplets? [20:39] Alvin     Dorman was pretty old, huh? [20:42] Receptionist     That was quite an accomplishment! [20:44] Receptionist     I'm sure you'll get proper stars     at your next ranking test! [20:46] Alvin     I barely beat an old man... [20:49] Carla     And with the artifact's support, at that! [20:52] Carla     Oh, I forgot! [20:56] Carla     I'm taking this back— [20:58] Carla     Tieshankao! [21:00] Receptionist     Good to see her as energetic as ever. [21:05] Alvin     You really like that medal, huh? [21:07] Carla     N-Never mind that.     Let's return to the village! [21:11] Carla     We need to return the artifact to the mayor. [21:15] Mayor     I truly don't know how to thank you! [21:18] Alvin     We're the ones who should thank you. [21:20] Alvin     Because of you, my curse is gone! [21:22] Artifact     Yes... [21:24] Artifact     R-Regarding that... [21:26] Artifact     The curse could reactivate once I'm gone! [21:30] Artifact     Best to be safe! [21:32] Alvin     No way! [21:33] Celia     Kinoko-chan, Ghost-san, everyone! Goodbye! [21:37] Anna     Take care! [21:39] Kinoko     We'll come back to play soon! [21:42] Alvin     Stuck with Carla for now, huh? [21:44] Alvin     But after being on my own for so long, [21:47] Alvin     I'm suddenly part of a party... [21:49] Alvin     They're definitely an idiosyncratic bunch... [21:52] Alvin     But without them, I wouldn't     have been able to fight Dorman! [21:57] Alvin     Do I owe it all to Carla? [21:59] Carla     Is there a reason you're staring at me now? [22:03] Alvin     N-No... [22:04] Carla     Don't tell me... [22:05] Carla     After watching my brilliance in combat,     you've fallen in love with me?! [22:09] Alvin     Huh? [22:10] Carla     It was quite a showcase for     my ample charms, after all! [22:13] Alvin     What are you talking about? [22:14] Carla     I certainly appreciate the sentiment... [22:16] Alvin     Listen to me! [22:17] Carla     But I feel that you are... [22:19] Carla     so pathetic! [22:21] Carla     Pathetic! [22:22] Alvin     Shut up! [22:25] Alvin     This healer's a pain in my ass!