Don't Hurt Me, My Healer!

In a world packed with adventurers fighting with demons—Alvin, a warrior whose wits are sharper than his sword, finds himself needing the help of Carla, a dark elf and healer with maxed-out taunts. Little did he know that this seemingly simple act would result in his most pain-in-the-butt encounter ever. Don’t miss this fantasy and adventure comedy!

Season 1

Season 1

E1 - In this world where monsters are rampant...

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Don't Hurt Me,
SIGN    Don't Hurt Me,
SIGN    My Healer!
[00:01] Alvin
    Behold, the vast world in which we live!
[00:04] Alvin
    It is rampant with monsters
    that threaten human life.
[00:10] Alvin
    This threat is opposed by
    countless adventurers! Heroes!
[00:17] Alvin
    Every day, they face these
    dangerous battles...
[00:21] Alvin
    To protect the people! To protect the world!
[00:27] Alvin
    And I, Alvin, am one of them!
[00:32] Alvin
    Wow, an encounter already!
[00:35] Alvin
    All right!
[00:36] Alvin
    Here we go!
SIGN    "In this world where monsters are rampant..."
[00:41] Mostly Bear
    Kuma!
[00:48] Alvin
    Curse you...
[00:50] Alvin
    Stronger than I expected,
    given those cute button eyes...
[00:53] Mostly Bear
    Kuma!
[00:56] Alvin
    No!
[01:12] Alvin
    This is... not good!
[01:14] Carla
    Excuse me...
[01:15] Carla
    Are you having trouble?
[01:18] Carla
    It's a pleasure to meet you.
[01:20] Carla
    I'm a healer.
    My name is Carla, the dark elf.
[01:25] Alvin
    The pleasure is all mine!
[01:27] Alvin
    I'm Alvin, the human...
[01:29] Alvin
    I'm working as a warrior...
[01:31] Alvin
    But this is no time for niceties!
[01:34] Carla
    Are you all right?
[01:36] Alvin
    Does it look like I'm all right?!
[01:38] Alvin
    Quit standing there and help me already!
[01:44] Carla
    If you want to ask for someone's help,
[01:46] Carla
    shouldn't you kneel down in front of them
    and press your forehead to the ground?!
[01:55] Alvin
    A moment, if you please?
[01:57] Mostly Bear
    Gao.
[01:58] Carla
    Oh? Is something the matter?
[02:01] Alvin
    That was supposed to be the
    part where you help me.
[02:04] Alvin
    Why the hell are you asking me to grovel?!
[02:07] Carla
    Why are you yelling at me all of a sudden?
[02:09] Carla
    Are you overly stressed, perhaps?
[02:12] Alvin
    I'm only stressed because of this situation!
[02:14] Carla
    You're angry that the magibeast
    was about to beat you,
[02:16] Carla
    so you're taking it out on me?
[02:18] Carla
    You should really take responsibility
    for your own failings...
[02:20] Alvin
    Would you shut up?!
[02:22] Carla
    You yelled at me again!
[02:24] Carla
    Humans are scary! I hate you!
[02:26] Alvin
    H-Hang on!
    It's really not worth crying over!
[02:29] Alvin
    I'm sorry for yelling, okay?!
[02:34] Carla
    Sorry?
[02:35] Carla
    Not painfully remorseful?
[02:38] Alvin
    You little...
[02:40] Alvin
    No, stop it.
    Don't let her take control.
[02:43] Alvin
    Just engage her calmly,
    like a mature adult...
[02:48] Carla
    Stare...
[02:52] Carla
    Well? Where's that "painfully remorseful"?
[02:56] Alvin
    I can't do it... I'm gonna blow!
[02:58] Mostly Bear
    Gao?
[03:00] Alvin
    Oh, crap! I totally forgot!
[03:02] Alvin
    H-Hang on a little longer, would you?
[03:06] Alvin
    All right, here's what we'll do.
[03:08] Alvin
    Carla, was it?
[03:09] Alvin
    If you help me, I'll do one thing you ask!
[03:13] Carla
    Anything you ask?!
[03:14] Alvin
    Within reason, of course!
[03:16] Carla
    Grovel, then!
[03:17] Alvin
    Is that your kink or something?!
[03:18] Carla
    Actually, forget about that.
[03:21] Carla
    Instead, Alvin-san...
[03:23] Carla
    I'd like you to form a party with me!
[03:26] Alvin
    Party?
[03:27] Carla
    The truth is, I've never
    been in a party before.
[03:31] Alvin
    Understandable, given the
    whole personality thing.
[03:34] Carla
    No one will actually talk to me.
[03:37] Carla
    I guess they all think
    I'm out of their league.
[03:41] Alvin
    More like leagues beneath a noxious swamp...
[03:43] Alvin
    And that's the worst wink I've ever seen.
[03:45] Alvin
    Anyway, I guess that's fine.
[03:48] Carla
    Th-Thank you, Alvin-san!
[03:51] Alvin
    I can just ditch her later, after all.
[03:53] Alvin
    Just so you know,
    my adventurer rank isn't very high.
[03:57] Alvin
    So don't get your hopes up!
[03:59] Carla
    Don't worry!
    My hopes were low from the start!
[04:01] Alvin
    That's not the part where you agree!
[04:04] Alvin
    And knock off the thumbs up!
[04:06] Alvin
    Anyway, could you make with the healing?
[04:08] Carla
    Of the nation?
[04:09] Alvin
    No, of me!
[04:10] Carla
    Of you?
[04:11] Carla
    But you seemed in pretty good shape with
    all the yapping you've been doing...
[04:15] Alvin
    Phrasing, please!
[04:16] Carla
    Oh, I know.
[04:18] Carla
    I think someone wants to be coddled!
[04:20] Alvin
    Could just you get to it?
[04:21] Carla
    I was just trying to lighten the mood.
[04:24] Alvin
    Well, please don't. You stink at it.
[04:27] Carla
    All right. Here I go!
[04:31] Alvin
    This is so annoying.
[04:33] Alvin
    I'm ditching her the minute the battle—
[04:36] Carla
    Hold still!
[04:38] Carla
    Your heart is still moving.
[04:40] Alvin
    I'd be dead if it wasn't!
[04:44] Carla
    Don't shout at me like that!
[04:47] Carla
    You made me curse you accidentally!
[04:50] Alvin
    You're the one who—
[04:52] Alvin
    Wait, what did you say?
[04:53] Carla
    I placed a curse on you accidentally.
[04:56] Carla
    Tee-hee!
[04:57] Alvin
    A healer who curses people is a little
    avant-garde, don't you think?!
[05:00] Carla
    Please remain calm.
[05:01] Carla
    It's not much of a curse, really.
[05:04] Alvin
    R-Really?
[05:05] Carla
    It'll just kill you if
    we get 300 meters apart.
[05:09] Alvin
    K-Kill me...
[05:15] Carla
    G-Gosh... I know you're grateful,
    but you don't have to grovel.
[05:19] Carla
    It's a little off-putting, really.
[05:21] Alvin
    I'm not grateful, I'm despondent!
[05:24] Alvin
    What am I supposed to do?!
[05:25] Alvin
    I can't ditch you like this!
[05:27] Carla
    Th-That's awful!
[05:28] Carla
    You were just having your fun with me?!
[05:30] Alvin
    I assure you, none of this is fun for me!
[05:32] Mostly Bear
    Would you two please calm down, gao?
[05:35] Alvin
    Who's that?
[05:36] Mostly Bear
    It's not good to fight, kuma.
[05:38] Mostly Bear
    Alvin-san.
[05:40] Mostly Bear
    It's really not nice to yell
    at a young lady, bear.
[05:43] Mostly Bear
    And, Carla-chan, you could be a bit
    more considerate of his feelings, gao.
[05:47] Mostly Bear
    It's important for a
    party to be civil, kuma.
[05:50] Mostly Bear
    Let's talk it out, bear.
[05:52] Mostly Bear
    Okay, gao?
[05:54] Alvin
    Where'd this articulate
    commentary come from?!
[05:56] Alvin
    And get your speech tic consistent already!
[06:03] Carla
    Ahem!
[06:04] Carla
    This cycle of abuse won't get us anywhere.
[06:06] Carla
    I'm willing to open a dialogue.
[06:08] Carla
    The topic is...
[06:09] Carla
    The tendency of warriors
    to look down on healers!
[06:12] Alvin
    Sorry to interrupt already,
[06:14] Alvin
    but I have objections regarding this topic.
[06:16] Alvin
    And I'm curious about one other thing...
[06:18] Carla
    Does the accused have a statement?
[06:20] Alvin
    Well, now I have another objection...
[06:22] Alvin
    But setting that aside for now...
[06:24] Alvin
    Why is the magibeast a part of this?
[06:27] Carla
    Oh, how reprehensible!
[06:29] Carla
    Just because you're a magibeast,
[06:31] Carla
    he doesn't want to give you
    a voice in the conversation!
[06:34] Alvin
    It's more the fact that we
    were fighting a minute ago!
[06:37] Carla
    Truly reprehensible!
[06:38] Carla
    Magibeasts are living things, just as we are!
[06:41] Carla
    Different though our forms may be, if only
    we would join hands in the spirit of kinship,
[06:45] Carla
    we could surely achieve understanding!
[06:47] Alvin
    Seems a little late to pull
    out the "holy woman" act!
[06:53] Mostly Bear
    May I, kuma?
[06:55] Alvin
    He has a proposal?
[06:56] Carla
    I'm told that the longest-lived magibeasts
[06:59] Carla
    have high intelligence and
    a wealth of experience.
[07:03] Alvin
    Well, maybe if we're talking
    about dragons and stuff...
[07:06] Alvin
    Before you give your opinion,
    could we have your name?
[07:10] Mostly Bear
    Oh, forgive my rudeness, gao.
[07:13] Mostly Bear
    Hmm... Our species doesn't have what your
    kind refer to as "names," kuma...
[07:19] Alvin
    Despite the high intelligence, he still
    can't keep the speech tic consistent.
[07:23] Mostly Bear
    But your kind tends to call our
    species the "Mostly Bear," bear.
[07:29] Alvin
    That's pretty darn lazy!
[07:31] Carla
    What were you going to say, Mostly-san?
[07:33] Mostly Bear
    Oh, yes, kuma.
[07:35] Mostly Bear
    It occurred to me when I was watching
    your conversation earlier...
[07:38] Mostly Bear
    First, Carla-chan.
[07:40] Mostly Bear
    Your healer class is a very
    vulnerable one, kuma.
[07:45] Mostly Bear
    The purpose of the warrior
    class is to protect you.
[07:49] Mostly Bear
    So if he dies, that would
    put you in danger, as well.
[07:53] Mostly Bear
    You seem like a very intelligent person,
[07:55] Mostly Bear
    so I'm sure you know what that
    indicates for your behavior, right?
[08:00] Mostly Bear
    And Alvin-san, the accused.
[08:03] Alvin
    "Accused"...
[08:04] Mostly Bear
    Even if you were engaged in combat,
[08:05] Mostly Bear
    you used extremely abusive language
    towards someone you'd just met.
[08:09] Mostly Bear
    The way you spoke seemed to suggest,
[08:10] Mostly Bear
    "all healers are expected to heal all warriors,
    even ones they've just met,"
[08:15] Mostly Bear
    which is a very arrogant attitude, kuma.
[08:17] Mostly Bear
    Elves are very sensitive
    to negative emotions, gao.
[08:20] Mostly Bear
    It's very possible she picked
    up on that hostility, bear.
[08:26] Mostly Bear
    I'm sorry to subject you to
    this awful lecture, gao.
[08:30] Mostly Bear
    But if you're going to be a party,
    that means you'll need each other!
[08:34] Mostly Bear
    And it appears, Alvin-san,
    that you'll have to remain
[08:37] Mostly Bear
    within 300 meters of Carla-chan
    for the foreseeable future.
[08:40] Mostly Bear
    I think it's important to approach each day
    with a spirit of respect and gratitude, kuma!
[08:45] Alvin
    A-A truly great speech, as expected of a
    magibeast that can speak the human tongue.
[08:48] Alvin
    His long lifespan has afforded
    him great wisdom indeed!
[08:54] Alvin
    Hey!
[08:55] Alvin
    Were you sleeping through
    that whole nice speech?!
[08:58] Carla
    Of course I wasn't!
[09:00] Alvin
    You were so!
[09:01] Carla
    Don't tell me... you've never
    heard of "sleep learning"?
[09:05] Alvin
    So you were sleeping!
[09:07] Alvin
    Sit down right now!
[09:08] Carla
    But why—
[09:09] Alvin
    Just sit down!
[09:11] Carla
    Fine...
[09:12] Alvin
    What exactly is your problem?
[09:14] Alvin
    It's like you don't even
    care that you cursed me!
[09:17] Mostly Bear
    Calm down, kuma!
[09:19] Alvin
    No way! There are some kinds of people
    where you need to take a firm hand!
[09:23] Mostly Bear
    Now, now, gao...
[09:24] Alvin
    And what kind of thoughtless jerk falls
    asleep when someone's talking to them?!
[09:28] Mostly Bear
    Now, now, kuma...
[09:29] Alvin
    That's only allowed when
    it's the school principal!
[09:33] Mostly Bear
    Now, now! That's not good either, bear!
[09:35] Carla
    What about your local representative?!
[09:37] Alvin
    Napping in front of government
    officials is strictly forbidden!
[09:40] Mostly Bear
    Napping in front of your principal
    should be strictly forbidden, too, kuma!
[09:44] Mostly Bear
    And what are you even talking about, bear?
[09:46] Alvin
    This magibeast has lived a
    very long time, you know!
[09:49] Mostly Bear
    Er...
[09:50] Alvin
    Which means he's your elder!
SIGN    m 0 0 l 200 0 l 200 136 l 0 136
SIGN    m 0 0 l 200 0 l 200 136 l 0 136
SIGN    Dark Elf (Female)
    72 Years Old
    (14-15 in Human Years)
[09:52] Alvin
    You should show him some respect!
[09:54] Alvin
    Am I right here?!
[09:55] Alvin
    It's important to be kind to your elders!
SIGN    m 0 0 l 200 0 l 200 136 l 0 136
SIGN    m 0 0 l 200 0 l 200 136 l 0 136
SIGN    Mostly Bear
    324 Years Old
    (43-44 in Human Years)
SIGN    m 0 0 l 200 0 l 200 136 l 0 136
SIGN    m 0 0 l 200 0 l 200 136 l 0 136
SIGN    Human (Male)
    30 Years Old
    (7-8 in Warrior Lv.)
[09:58] Alvin
    Honor thy grandmother and grandfather!
[10:02] Mostly Bear
    Never discuss a lady's age, gao!
[10:17] Carla
    My legs!
[10:20] Carla
    Paralyze!
[10:22] Carla
    Paralyze is not paradise!
[10:24] Mostly Bear
    Oh, dear, kuma!
[10:27] Mostly Bear
    What do I do, gao?
[10:30] Mostly Bear
    What to do... What to do, gao?!
[10:35] Mostly Bear
    Kuma!
[10:37] Mostly Bear
    Behold the fearsome power
    of the magibeast, bear!
[10:41] Carla
    J-Just kill me...
[11:03] Alvin
    I feel like I've been through
    a serious ordeal...
[11:07] Mostly Bear
    Oh, thank goodness!
[11:08] Mostly Bear
    You're awake, bear?
[11:10] Mostly Bear
    I just picked you some aurange fruits.
[11:13] Mostly Bear
    Try one. It'll perk you right up, gao.
[11:17] Alvin
    Thanks...
[11:19] Alvin
    This is great!
[11:22] Alvin
    Is this your house?
[11:24] Mostly Bear
    Yes, it's my burrow.
[11:26] Alvin
    Burrow?
[11:27] Mostly Bear
    I'm just so glad you're alive, bear!
[11:30] Mostly Bear
    A hit like that really could
    have killed you, kuma.
[11:34] Mostly Bear
    Of course, I'm the one
    that inflicted it, gao...
[11:37] Alvin
    I didn't realize you were actually a woman.
[11:40] Alvin
    I'm sorry for speaking so rudely.
[11:44] Mostly Bear
    I'm sorry, too, bear.
[11:46] Alvin
    So, are you the one who
    nursed me back to health?
[11:48] Mostly Bear
    It wasn't me, kuma.
[11:51] Mostly Bear
    She seems to have her own
    feelings on the subject.
[11:55] Mostly Bear
    Carla-chan spent the entire time treating
    you with healing spells, bear.
[11:59] Alvin
    Healing spells?
[12:02] Carla
    Is it morning already?
[12:04] Carla
    I'd like bread for breakfast.
[12:06] Carla
    And I like my coffee with
    lots of milk and sugar,
[12:09] Carla
    and honey on my yogurt.
[12:12] Alvin
    You're a picky one, huh?
[12:14] Alvin
    And that outfit... I know what that's for!
SIGN    Picture shown for
    
    illustration purpose only.
    
    Actual Carlas may vary.
SIGN    Picture shown for
    
    illustration purpose only.
    
    Actual Carlas may vary.
[12:17] Carla
    Harattama! Kiyottama!
[12:17] Alvin
    It's for pounding nails into
    an effigy to curse someone!
[12:19] Carla
    Let this curse never be lifted!
[12:25] Mostly Bear
    You were in such awful shape, bear.
[12:27] Mostly Bear
    The first healing spell didn't suffice,
[12:29] Mostly Bear
    so she had to keep doing it, gao.
[12:32] Alvin
    That's a scary number of pins!
[12:33] Mostly Bear
    She called it a kind of
    magical acupuncture, gao.
[12:37] Mostly Bear
    But you can see your wounds
    have healed, bear.
[12:40] Mostly Bear
    That's all thanks to Carla-chan, kuma!
[12:42] Alvin
    I seem all right... for now...
[12:44] Alvin
    But I'm not letting my guard down!
[12:47] Carla
    Breakfast...
[12:50] Alvin
    Hey.
[13:00] Mostly Bear
    Gracious me...
[13:01] Mostly Bear
    She's so relieved, she's crying, bear.
[13:04] Carla
    I'morra bufeburoo...
[13:06] Alvin
    You seem to be crying in
    a very self-serving way.
[13:09] Carla
    I'm so sor—
[13:11] Carla
    I'm so sowwy.
[13:13] Alvin
    Why did you change it halfway?!
[13:14] Carla
    I did the best I could to
    cast healing spells on you.
[13:18] Carla
    But the damage was just so bad.
[13:20] Carla
    I did manage to fix your body...
[13:23] Carla
    but your face was so unsightly...
[13:24] Alvin
    Phrasing, plea—
[13:26] Alvin
    Wait, my face?
[13:27] Carla
    The wounds on your face were so bad,
[13:28] Carla
    and I, at least, wanted to get the
    general layout back to normal...
[13:31] Alvin
    Did she have to reshape it?
[13:33] Carla
    I got it as close as I could
    to your original face...
[13:36] Carla
    But it just didn't work out, and...
[13:37] Carla
    Now your face looks really stupid!
[13:41] Alvin
    Complex burn?
[13:42] Mostly Bear
    I'm afraid it's not even half-baked.
[13:45] Alvin
    Huh? Was that supposed to be a joke?
[13:48] Alvin
    You dropped your speech tic, too.
[13:49] Mostly Bear
    Your face just looked so awful, kuma...
[13:52] Mostly Bear
    There was just nothing we could do, gao.
[13:54] Alvin
    Phrasing, please!
[13:55] Mostly Bear
    Have a look, bear.
[13:57] Alvin
    You have a hand mirror?
[13:59] Mostly Bear
    A lady has to look her best!
[14:01] Alvin
    Magibeasts care about that?
[14:03] Alvin
    But, okay...
[14:05] Alvin
    It sounds like the wounds on
    my face haven't fully healed?
[14:08] karly
    I'm so sowwy...
[14:10] Alvin
    You like that phrasing, huh?
[14:12] Alvin
    You said there was nothing you could do,
    but it felt perfectly fine to me...
[14:18] Alvin
    What?!
[14:20] Mostly Bear
    Please don't hold it
    against Carla-chan, bear!
[14:24] Mostly Bear
    She worked so hard to
    restore your face, kuma...
[14:28] Mostly Bear
    But she lacked the sheer magic power...
[14:29] Mostly Bear
    And it turned out just
    barely passable, bear...
[14:34] Mostly Bear
    Carla-chan, please don't cry!
[14:38] Carla
    I mean, I'd never even seen what Alvin-san's
    face looked like before this...
[14:43] Mostly Bear
    It's not your fault, bear.
[14:45] Mostly Bear
    If you wish to hate someone, hate me!
[14:47] Mostly Bear
    Hate me, a magibeast, kuma!
[14:50] Alvin
    Actually, it looks exactly
    like it always did...
[14:54] Mostly Bear
    I'm used to being hated by your kind, kuma!
[14:57] Mostly Bear
    It's all my fault, gao!
[14:58] Carla
    No, it's my fault!
[15:00] Carla
    If only I had been stronger!
[15:03] Alvin
    I'm telling you, it's back to normal!
[15:05] Alvin
    And I look pretty healthy at that!
[15:15] Alvin
    I'm telling you...
[15:16] Alvin
    my face looks totally like it always did!
[15:19] Carla
    Thank goodness! You're awake!
[15:22] Alvin
    I've been awake!
[15:23] Alvin
    Are you gonna pretend like
    none of that ever happened?
[15:25] Carla
    After injuries of such severity...
[15:27] Carla
    This is truly a miracle of God!
[15:29] Alvin
    What was all that about
    me having a stupid face?
[15:31] Carla
    Go, go, God! Viva God!
[15:34] Alvin
    What was that "barely passable" stuff?
[15:36] Carla
    And go, me, too! Viva Carla!
[15:39] Mostly Bear
    Gao!
[15:44] Mostly Bear
    I'll leave your mantle here, gao.
[15:46] Alvin
    Thanks.
[15:48] Alvin
    You seem to have a lot of equipment here.
[15:51] Mostly Bear
    Well, I was quite a wild one in my youth.
[15:55] Mostly Bear
    I picked more than my share of fights
    with adventurers back then, bear.
[15:59] Mostly Bear
    They're a bit like trophies from
    that time in my life, gao.
[16:02] Alvin
    Oh?
[16:05] Alvin
    I guess a person's personality
    changes when they get ol—
[16:09] Alvin
    Ol... Ol... Ol...
[16:11] Alvin
    Oleander, a type of tree!
[16:16] Mostly Bear
    You're such a considerate person, kuma.
[16:20] Mostly Bear
    I think you and Carla-chan
    will get along well.
[16:23] Alvin
    I really wish I could agree with you there!
[16:26] Mostly Bear
    Give it your best, bear.
[16:31] Carla
    This feels really right.
[16:41] Carla
    In the name of God, I'll punish you!
[16:44] Carla
    Holy Beam!
[16:50] sign
    m 0 0 l 100 0 l 100 45 l 0 45
[16:50] sign
    Alvin's
    Mantle
[16:57] Mostly Bear
    You're leaving already, bear?
[16:59] Alvin
    Yeah.
[17:00] Mostly Bear
    Y-You're sure you wouldn't
    like to stay longer, kuma?
[17:04] Mostly Bear
    It feels like we were brought
    together for a reason, gao...
[17:07] Mostly Bear
    You could always stay the night, bear.
[17:10] Alvin
    You know I can't do that.
[17:12] Alvin
    I'm a person. You're a magibeast.
[17:14] Alvin
    We didn't belong together
    in the first place!
[17:18] Mostly Bear
    I... I suppose, gao.
[17:21] Alvin
    But I'll warn you—I'm quite a sore loser!
[17:24] Alvin
    You took me by surprise this time.
[17:26] Alvin
    But next time, you won't get me so easily!
[17:28] Mostly Bear
    Bear?
[17:29] Alvin
    I'll be back for a rematch very soon!
[17:32] Alvin
    And you'd better be ready when I do!
[17:37] Alvin
    You get it?
[17:38] Mostly Bear
    G-Gao!
[17:42] Mostly Bear
    Ha, ha, ha, ha!
[17:44] Mostly Bear
    Kuma! Kuma, kuma!
[17:47] Mostly Bear
    You are quite a spirited human, gao!
[17:49] Mostly Bear
    Very well!
[17:50] Mostly Bear
    When you come for me,
    I'll give you quite a welcome, bear!
[17:53] Alvin
    I'll be counting on it.
[17:55] Alvin
    In the meantime, get that
    speech tic consistent!
[17:58] Mostly Bear
    Kuma, kuma, kuma!
[18:05] Carla
    Stop this right now!
[18:07] Mostly Bear
    You beared me, gao!
[18:09] Alvin
    What is it? What's wrong?
[18:10] Carla
    What do you think?
[18:13] Carla
    Why... Why do you have to fight?!
[18:16] Carla
    Why... after we'd finally become friends...
[18:19] Mostly Bear
    Now, wait a minute, kuma...
[18:20] Carla
    Why do you have to swear to fight again?
[18:24] Alvin
    Seriously, read the mood...
[18:24] Mostly Bear
    Seriously, read the mood, gao...
[18:27] Carla
    I thought we'd finally found proof that
    magibeasts and humans could get along...
[18:31] Alvin
    But we do get along!
[18:32] Alvin
    This is just kind of...
    a face-saving thing...
[18:36] Alvin
    I really wish you'd just read the mood...
[18:38] Carla
    Why can't you ever stop hating
    and harming each other?!
[18:41] Alvin
    It's really not like that!
[18:42] Alvin
    We really do get along!
[18:44] Alvin
    We're just pretending to be enemies,
    for appearances' sake...
[18:47] Alvin
    I'm pretty sure you're not
    supposed to explain this stuff.
[18:49] Alvin
    It feels super embarrassing...
[18:51] Carla
    You can't fool me!
[18:54] Carla
    You were injured, and Mostly-san
    brought you all this way...
[18:59] Carla
    She's your benefactor...
    Your bearnefactor!
[19:04] Carla
    But you can't even be grateful!
[19:07] Carla
    That said, I'm the one who
    actually healed you...
[19:11] Carla
    So, in a way, I'm the one who
    deserves most of the credit...
[19:16] Carla
    Not that it's all that big a deal...
[19:19] Carla
    But I really feel like you should show
[19:22] Carla
    a little gratitude and respect to
    the person who helped you out...
[19:27] Mostly Bear
    Bear?
[19:28] Carla
    Of course, it's not like I picked this
    class to have people indebted to me...
[19:34] Carla
    But if you really wanted to
    express your gratitude to me,
[19:39] Carla
    I suppose I wouldn't turn you down...
[19:44] Carla
    So if you wanted to give this mace
    to me, I wouldn't turn it down.
[19:49] Carla
    I certainly wouldn't turn it down!
SIGN    Give me a reward!
[19:52] Carla
    Thanks a bunch!
[20:02] Alvin
    So you just took it, huh?
[20:05] Carla
    As compensation for my services, of course.
[20:07] Alvin
    It felt more like you fast-talked
    your way into it, to me...
[20:11] Alvin
    Anyway, how long does this
    "I die if we split up" curse last?
[20:15] Alvin
    Isn't there any way to lift it?
[20:20] Alvin
    Everything you do ticks me off!
[20:23] Alvin
    Every wave! Every step!
[20:26] Alvin
    I guess we're stuck together
    for a while, then!
[20:29] Carla
    Indeed. To my great displeasure.
[20:31] Alvin
    The displeasure is all mine,
    I can promise you that!
[20:34] Alvin
    But ah, well.
[20:36] Alvin
    You remember how I promised I'd do one
    thing you asked if you helped me?
[20:40] Carla
    Yes.
[20:41] Alvin
    You saved me from my serious injuries.
[20:43] Alvin
    So I'll do what you asked.
[20:44] Alvin
    I'll form a party with you!
[20:47] Alvin
    Look after me.
[20:49] Carla
    S... Same to you.
[20:53] Alvin
    That hurt!
[20:55] Carla
    Oh, I didn't mean...
[20:57] Carla
    I guess you're pretty sad you didn't
    get to hold a girl's hand, though.
[21:01] Alvin
    What was that?!
[21:02] Carla
    Yelling won't erase the
    fact that I was right!
[21:06] Alvin
    Trying to prove my innocence
    is annoying, too!
[21:10] Carla
    Tee-hee!
SIGN    Don't Hurt Me,
SIGN    Don't Hurt Me,
SIGN    My Healer!
[22:27] Carla
    By the way, Alvin-hyan...
[22:29] Alvin
    What is it, Carla-hyan?
[22:31] Carla
    Where are we staying tonight?
[22:34] Carla
    It'll be morning by the
    time we reach a town.
[22:38] Alvin
    Not sure...
[22:40] Carla
    Mostly-san offered to let us stay
    the night and everything...
[22:43] Alvin
    You...
[22:44] Alvin
    After all that posturing,
    there's no way I could've stayed the night!
[22:48] Alvin
    And it would be way too
    embarrassing to go back now...
[22:51] Carla
    Alvin-san?
[22:54] Alvin
    What now?
[22:55] Carla
    I'm suddenly getting a very
    keen and powerful intuition...
[22:59] Carla
    You're actually extremely
     incompetent, aren't you?
[23:02] Carla
    You can't even object?
[23:05] Carla
    Bingo.
[23:06] Alvin
    You're quite sure of yourself, huh?
[23:07] Carla
    But don't worry, Alvin-san!
    I'm with you!
[23:12] Carla
    Just leave everything to me!
SIGN    Next Time
[23:25] Alvin
    Next episode's title is
[23:27] Alvin
    "Forced to travel
    with Carla, a healer,
[23:29] Alvin
    Alvin resumes his original quest
    to gather antidote herbs,
[23:34] Alvin
    but on the way he ends up getting
    attacked in a graveyard by ghosts
[23:36] Alvin
    which they manage to escape
    unexpectedly, but then..."
SIGN    "Forced to travel with Carla, a healer, Alvin resumes his original
    quest to gather antidote herbs, but on the way he ends up getting
    attacked in a graveyard by ghosts which they manage to escape
    unexpectedly, but then fall into a trap set by goblins and basically
    the first half of the episode is filled with great suffering but Carla's
    curse is still in effect so he can't get away from her and there's
    even more suffering in store nevertheless and anyway these titles
    are really long and kind of serve double-duty as next episode
    previews and we're pretty curious about how many people
    actually listen to the whole thing and that's the deal with episode 2"
SIGN    See you then!

Season 1

E2 - Forced to travel with Carla, a healer...

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:01] Alvin
    Behold, the vast world in which we live!
[00:04] Alvin
    It is rampant with monsters
    that threaten human life.
[00:10] Alvin
    This threat is opposed by
    countless adventurers! Heroes!
[00:17] Alvin
    Every day, they face these
    dangerous battles...
[00:21] Alvin
    To protect the people! To protect the world!
[00:27] Alvin
    And I, Alvin, am one of them!
[00:32] alvin
    Now in a party with Carla, the healer,
[00:35] alvin
    my journey continues!
SIGN    Don't Hurt Me,
SIGN    Don't Hurt Me,
SIGN    My Healer!
SIGN    "Forced to travel with Carla, a healer..."
[02:20] Alvin
    I'm pretty sure this is the right way...
[02:23] Carla
    Where exactly are we going,
    and what are we doing, Alvin-san?
[02:29] Alvin
    We're gathering antidote herbs.
[02:31] Alvin
    It's a quest I received from
    the Adventurers Guild.
[02:33] Alvin
    My fight with the Mostly Bear kept me
    from reaching my destination yesterday.
[02:46] Carla
    Gathering antidote herbs?
[02:48] Carla
    That's a quest for beginners, isn't it?
[02:50] Carla
    That should be just the right level of difficulty
    for a rookie adventurer like you, Alvin-san.
[02:56] Alvin
    Aren't you a healer?
[02:58] Alvin
    Shouldn't the things you say
    make people feel better?
[03:00] Alvin
    Freaking hell.
[03:01] Alvin
    If not for that stupid curse,
    I'd have ditched her ages ago!
[03:05] Carla
    Alvin-san.
[03:07] Carla
    Are you certain that this is the right way?
[03:12] Alvin
    Yeah, it should be right down this road.
[03:14] Carla
    Does that mean we'll have
    to pass through there?
[03:55] Carla
    Alvin-san, to your right!
[03:58] Carla
    Now, to the north-northwest!
[04:00] Carla
    Not that way!
    Twenty degrees right diagonal!
[04:03] Carla
    Now! At eight o'clock
    plus fifty-two minutes!
[04:08] Carla
    Next, the ox-tiger direction!
[04:11] Carla
    What's wrong?
    Are you hard of hearing?
[04:14] Carla
    Hey!
[04:15] Alvin
    Your instructions are impossible to f—
[04:19] Alvin
    Are you having a picnic?!
[04:23] Alvin
    What's wrong with you?
[04:25] Alvin
    How can you be drinking
    tea while I'm fighting?
[04:29] Alvin
    Say something!
[04:30] Carla
    I'm just taking a little break.
[04:32] Alvin
    You've got a whole brunch setup on here!
[04:35] Carla
    You don't have to be so mad...
[04:37] Carla
    I made enough sandwiches
    for you, too, Alvin-san.
[04:39] Alvin
    That's not what I'm mad about!
[04:41] Carla
    And I ate them!
[04:42] Alvin
    Now that I'm mad about!
[04:46] Alvin
    We can't move on until we
    beat these guys, remember?
[04:51] GhostA
    Feels a little chilly today, huh?
[04:53] GhostB
    Must be a ghost thing, huh?
[04:56] Alvin
    But I'm stuck here fighting all on my own...
[04:59] Alvin
    Couldn't you help me out a little?
[05:03] Alvin
    What's with that expression?
[05:05] Carla
    You're aware that physical attacks
    don't work on ghosts, right?
[05:10] Carla
    You need silver weapons or magic.
[05:15] Alvin
    Is that true?
[05:17] Carla
    Oh, I'm so sorry!
[05:20] Alvin
    Hey, where's this coming from?!
[05:22] Carla
    I knew you were a beginner, and yet...
[05:26] Carla
    If only I'd told you that in advance,
[05:29] Carla
    you wouldn't have been forced to
    humiliate yourself like this!
[05:31] Ghost
    How embarrassing.
[05:33] Alvin
    I... I didn't humiliate myself!
[05:35] Alvin
    Everyone makes a mistake
    or two in their life!
[05:38] Alvin
    And besides, this is my
    first time fighting ghosts!
[05:42] Carla
    Hey, calm down already.
[05:44] Alvin
    Calm down?! You little...
[05:47] Carla
    That way you were dancing...
[05:52] Carla
    I mean, the way you were fighting
    earlier looked really cool!
[05:55] Carla
    With moves like that,
    you could get into the circus!
[05:57] Alvin
    What am I, a clown to you?!
[05:59] Carla
    You should take it as a compliment!
[06:00] Carla
    They make laughingstocks out of themselves
    just to give other people a good time!
[06:05] Alvin
    I wasn't trying to give
    other people a good time!
[06:07] Alvin
    Sheesh. Like she knows so
    much about everything...
[06:10] Alvin
    If you're going to lecture me,
    you could at least try to contribute!
[06:13] Carla
    Excuse me? Have you forgotten my class?
[06:17] Alvin
    Stress-maker?
[06:19] Carla
    Harrumph!
[06:20] Carla
    At least call me a stress goddess!
[06:23] Alvin
    You see what I mean?
[06:25] Carla
    It's quite obvious that I am a healer.
[06:28] Carla
    In other words, a holy woman!
[06:29] Alvin
    Big doubts there!
[06:30] Carla
    I exist to bring comfort to lost souls.
[06:33] Alvin
    What? So you'll unleash a
    light spell or something?
[06:37] Carla
    Hopeless child. So quick to
    solve everything with violence!
[06:41] Carla
    It's so sad!
[06:42] Alvin
    "Sad" certainly describes how I'm feeling...
[06:44] Carla
    Sad!
[06:46] Alvin
    Seriously, drop it.
[06:48] Carla
    Ghosts are fated to wander this
    world due to unfinished business.
[06:53] Carla
    All we need to do is resolve
    whatever's bothering them.
[06:56] GhostC
    I see!
[06:58] Alvin
    And you think you can do that?
[07:00] Carla
    I think if I just hear out their stories,
[07:02] Carla
    and say things like "poor thing!" and
    "that's pretty rough!" they'll pass on.
[07:08] Carla
    Easy-peasy.
[07:09] Alvin
    What is this, a girls' night out?
[07:10] Carla
    We'll start with you.
[07:12] GhostD
    What, me?
[07:14] Carla
    Do you have any regrets in life?
[07:16] GhostD
    Y-Yes...
[07:18] GhostD
    I was twenty years old when I died.
[07:21] GhostD
    It happened just two weeks after
    getting my first girlfriend!
[07:25] Carla
    Poor thing! That's pretty rough!
[07:28] Carla
    Super-bad times!
[07:29] Alvin
    Don't mock the dead, you holy fraud!
[07:32] Alvin
    And did you actually say "super-bad times"?
[07:34] Carla
    Incidentally, Alvin-san is thirty years old,
[07:37] Carla
    and he says he's never dated a woman.
[07:39] Alvin
    She mocks the living, too.
[07:43] GhostD
    Thank you. I guess I was a lucky man!
[07:48] Alvin
    And now the dead are mocking me.
[07:50] GhostE
    Excuse me.
[07:51] Carla
    Yes?
[07:52] GhostE
    I used to be a warrior.
[07:55] GhostE
    But I was killed by a golem!
    It's so frustrating!
[07:59] Carla
    Alvin-san, can you defeat a golem?
[08:02] Alvin
    Well, I was hoping to face
    one sooner or later.
[08:05] Alvin
    But right now, five slimes
    is about the best I can do.
[08:11] GhostE
    Five slimes?!
[08:13] GhostE
    Scrub! I'm ded! Trollolol!
[08:16] Alvin
    I thought so!
[08:17] Carla
    Incredible!
[08:19] Carla
    We're sending them all to their final rest!
[08:22] Carla
    And laughing as they go!
[08:23] Alvin
    He was laughing at me!
[08:25] Carla
    You might have a future in this, Alvin-san!
[08:28] Alvin
    A future? What kind?
[08:30] Carla
    It takes an exceptional person
    to help a ghost rest in peace!
[08:33] Carla
    I think you really have what it takes!
[08:36] Carla
    Are you light-element affiliated?
[08:38] Carla
    O Warrior of Light!
[08:40] Carla
    O Holy Knight!
[08:41] Alvin
    Hey, lay off...
[08:43] Carla
    O Circus Performer?
[08:44] Alvin
    I'm not a clown!
[08:49] Alvin
    Well, we made it through the graveyard,
[08:53] Alvin
    but now I'm exhausted.
[08:54] Carla
    We could have stayed there longer and helped
    all the ghosts find their final rest.
SIGN    Alvin, Warrior of Light,
    offers free passage
    to the next life!!
[09:06] Alvin
    Don't be stupid!
[09:07] Alvin
    I'm a warrior, start to finish!
[09:09] Alvin
    I'm not about to change classes!
[09:11] Carla
    I feel like it's a waste of your
    talent, but if you insist.
[09:14] Carla
    It's a common saying: "A person's ambitions
    don't always match their talents."
[09:19] Alvin
    Imagine I said the exact same thing to you.
[09:22] Alvin
    Now, let's go.
[09:24] Alvin
    We still haven't finished our quest!
[09:30] Carla
    Alvin-san?
[09:33] Carla
    Alvin-san?
[09:35] Alvin
    People tend to think of gathering
    antidote herbs as an easy quest,
[09:40] Alvin
    but there are many things
    you need to watch out for.
[09:42] Alvin
    This forest, in particular,
    is rife with goblins!
[09:46] Alvin
    They're not strong, but they're tricky!
[09:49] Alvin
    If you're not careful,
    you'll end up in a goblin trap!
[09:55] Alvin
    Like I just did.
[10:11] Carla
    Are you all right?!
[10:13] Alvin
    Is that how you check on someone?
[10:16] Carla
    Thank goodness! I was so worried!
[10:19] Alvin
    You seem pretty relaxed to me!
[10:21] Carla
    How are you feeling?
[10:23] Alvin
    I feel extremely ashamed.
[10:25] Carla
    One of those, "I'd like to crawl into a
    hole and never come out" feelings, right?
[10:30] Carla
    Well, I guess you succeeded there!
[10:33] Alvin
    Could you please be quiet?
[10:35] Carla
    Can you get out?
[10:37] Alvin
    I'll try.
[10:40] Alvin
    This won't be easy.
[10:42] Alvin
    The ground breaks apart too easily.
[10:44] Alvin
    There wouldn't happen to be something
    like a rope around, would there?
[10:47] Carla
    Something like a rope?
[10:49] Carla
    You mean like intestines?
[10:50] Alvin
    That idea is insane!
[10:51] Alvin
    Not even a necromancer would
    come up with "intestines"
[10:55] Alvin
    when asked for something like a rope!
[10:57] Carla
    But you can't expect a rope
    to just fall into my lap.
[11:01] Alvin
    And you think intestines would?!
[11:04] Alvin
    A vine from the trees would be just as good!
[11:05] Alvin
    Could you please just hurry?
[11:07] Alvin
    If a monster shows up now,
    I'm a sitting duck!
[11:10] Carla
    Very well!
[11:12] Carla
    I'll go searching.
[11:13] Alvin
    Hey! Don't go too far!
[11:16] Alvin
    Remember, I'll die if we
    get 300 meters apart!
[11:20] Carla
    Were you waiting long?
[11:22] Alvin
    Not long at all, actually!
[11:24] Carla
    That exchange just now...
[11:27] Carla
    It sounded like a couple
    meeting up for a date.
[11:29] Carla
    Unpleasant.
[11:30] Alvin
    What in the world...
[11:31] Alvin
    And did you even look?
[11:34] Carla
    I'm sorry.
[11:36] Carla
    I didn't see anything that
    looked like intestines.
[11:38] Alvin
    That sounds like a good thing.
[11:40] Carla
    But I did run into a person,
    so I called them here.
[11:43] Carla
    Right over here!
[11:44] Alvin
    A person? In this forest?
[11:47] Carla
    He's the one who dug the hole!
[11:49] Alvin
    That's a freaking goblin!
[11:51] Carla
    What, is that bad?
[11:53] Alvin
    Yes, it's very bad!
[11:54] Alvin
    Why did you call a monster here?!
[11:56] Carla
    Are you really in a position
    to be choosy right now?
[12:00] Alvin
    You bet your ass I am!
[12:01] Alvin
    When he looks at me, he sees—
[12:04] Alvin
    Wait...
[12:06] Alvin
    Why's he crying?
[12:09] Carla
    What's wrong, Gobkichi-san?
[12:11] Alvin
    You're already introduced?
[12:12] Carla
    Why are you crying?
[12:14] Carla
    I think Alvin-san is the one
    who should be crying!
[12:17] Carla
    I mean, look at the situation he's in!
[12:18] Alvin
    No kidding!
[12:20] Gobkichi
    I dug that hole to catch wild boars...
[12:27] Carla
    Gobkichi-san...
[12:28] Gobkichi
    And now... this...
[12:30] Gobkichi
    I'm so pathetic!
[12:33] Carla
    Apologize!
[12:35] Alvin
    Me?!
[12:49] Carla
    We're almost at the place where
    the antidote herbs grow, right?
[12:53] Alvin
    Hush!
[12:54] Alvin
    This isn't good...
[12:56] Alvin
    It's a cyclops!
[12:57] Alvin
    We've got to get out of
    here before he sees us!
[13:01] Carla
    Wait a minute!
[13:02] Carla
    Are you sure that's what you want to do?
[13:05] Carla
    A person can't mature if they avoid
    anything that might challenge them.
[13:09] Carla
    Over time, such people...
[13:12] Carla
    turn out just like you, Alvin-san!
[13:14] Alvin
    I'm already like me!
[13:16] Carla
    That's why we should beat him ourselves!
[13:18] Carla
    Yeah!
[13:19] Alvin
    Don't say "yeah!"
[13:22] Alvin
    I just said that five slimes was my limit!
[13:26] Alvin
    So... do you have a plan
    to beat him or something?
[13:29] Carla
    I have the ultimate, secret plan known as me!
[13:33] Carla
    Isn't that nice?
[13:34] Alvin
    Please keep it a secret forever!
[13:36] Alvin
    So, what were you intending to do?
[13:39] Carla
    Tut, tut!
[13:40] Carla
    Alvin-san. Remember, I'm a healer!
SIGN    Ta-da
[13:44] Carla
    So I'll use summoning magic!
[13:46] Alvin
    Do healers do that?
[13:48] Carla
    All the hip, young healers
    are into summoning magic!
[13:52] Alvin
    I wish they were into common sense!
[13:55] Alvin
    So? What exactly do you intend to summon?
[13:58] Carla
    Would you like to see what they look like?
[14:00] Carla
    For the lowest level summoned beast,
    I don't even need a ritual.
[14:05] Alvin
    For real? Sure, show me!
[14:07] Alvin
    I kind of want to see it!
[14:09] Carla
    Very well.
[14:15] Alvin
    Put it back!
[14:16] Alvin
    What are you?! A servant of the devil?!
[14:19] Carla
    What do you expect?
[14:20] Carla
    It's the lowest level kind, after all.
[14:24] Carla
    With a proper ritual,
[14:26] Carla
    I can call a proper summoned beast.
[14:28] Carla
    Although it will take some time...
[14:31] Alvin
    Now that you mention it,
[14:33] Alvin
    shouldn't you start summoning right now,
[14:35] Alvin
    before the Cyclops notices us?
[14:37] Carla
    I can't do that. No way!
[14:40] Alvin
    Why not?!
[14:41] Carla
    It doesn't feel dramatic enough.
[14:44] Alvin
    It doesn't need to be entertaining!
[14:46] Carla
    By the way, you've been making a
    lot of noise for a while now...
[14:50] Alvin
    Why do you think that is?!
[14:52] Carla
    ...so he's already noticed us.
[15:04] Alvin
    We're... We're not actually ready.
[15:06] Cyclops
    Oh, okay. I'll wait.
[15:08] Alvin
    Why's he so damn nice?!
[15:09] Alvin
    He said he'll wait!
[15:11] Carla
    No need for that.
[15:13] Carla
    I've already prepared for the summoning.
[15:15] Alvin
    What is that?!
[15:16] Carla
    I'll launch this into the air...
[15:19] Carla
    and it will travel through dimensions,
    and reach the summoned beast!
[15:22] Carla
    Then the summoned beast will
    come running to our aid!
[15:24] Carla
    It's my brilliantly unique summoning method!
[15:28] Carla
    Go!
[15:37] Alvin
    Hey, it's coming back.
[15:43] Carla
    It's from my summoned beast.
[15:45] Carla
    "I've been asked to babysit
    the neighborhood kids,
[15:47] Carla
    so I can't come."
[15:48] Alvin
    How very considerate!
[15:50] Cyclops
    So?
[15:52] Cyclops
    You need something from these rocks?
[15:54] Alvin
    Well... actually... that is...
[16:00] Cyclops
    So, you're trying to gather antidote herbs?
[16:03] Cyclops
    You could've just said so earlier!
[16:06] Alvin
    Well, thanks for showing us the way...
[16:08] Cyclops
    Well, these rocks are my turf,
[16:12] Cyclops
    so I know the way better than you.
[16:15] Carla
    And the antidote herbs are this way?
[16:17] Cyclops
    Yeah, they're right here.
[16:24] Cyclops
    Take as many as you like!
[16:26] Cyclops
    Use them to help someone suffering
    the ravages of poison!
[16:30] Cyclops
    Later!
[16:32] Alvin
    Thanks again!
[16:33] Carla
    Thank you so much!
[16:36] Alvin
    What a nice guy!
[16:38] Carla
    I'm glad I didn't call that summoned beast.
[16:41] Carla
    My intuition was right on the money!
[16:43] Alvin
    You just got lucky!
[16:44] Alvin
    And I'm feeling pretty good right now,
    so could you please not ruin it?
[16:54] Alvin
    I'm glad we got lots of herbs,
    but the sun's down already...
[16:58] Alvin
    We'll have to camp out tonight.
[17:00] Carla
    I suppose...
[17:02] Alvin
    Boy, I'm exhausted.
[17:03] Alvin
    I'm as exhausted as a man can be!
[17:07] Alvin
    Since forming a party with Carla,
[17:09] Alvin
    I've felt forms of exhaustion
    I never knew before.
[17:12] Alvin
    Being in a party is way
    harder than I expected.
[17:15] Alvin
    I figured partying up with a healer
    would make everything easier...
[17:19] Alvin
    That said... is she even really a healer?
[17:24] Alvin
    She pulled out that creepy
    summoned beast earlier today...
[17:27] Alvin
    Does she even know any proper spells?
[17:29] Alvin
    I don't think Mostly Bear-san would lie,
[17:33] Alvin
    so I assume she really did heal me,
[17:36] Alvin
    but she was also wearing
    that weird outfit...
[17:39] Alvin
    Maybe the reason I'm really
    getting so tired so often
[17:42] Alvin
    is because she's an evil witch
    draining my life force?
[17:47] Alvin
    Maybe, while I still can...
[17:49] Alvin
    No, no!
[17:49] Alvin
    Remember, you'll die if you
    get 300 meters away from her!
[17:52] Alvin
    I can't even run away!
[17:55] Alvin
    Well, it's true that other than the curse
    and the mental stress she's caused,
[17:59] Alvin
    she hasn't done me any harm...
[18:01] Alvin
    I guess I should just wait
    and see a little longer.
[18:04] Alvin
    Look at her, not even caring how I feel!
[18:08] Alvin
    What's with all the fidgeting, anyway?
[18:12] Carla
    Well... at times like these... you know...
[18:17] Carla
    We're supposed to talk
    about who we like, right?!
[18:19] Alvin
    It's not a dang sleepover!
[18:21] Carla
    What, it isn't?!
[18:23] Alvin
    Camping isn't some game!
[18:25] Alvin
    Dangerous monsters come out at night!
[18:27] Alvin
    We have to take turns standing watch,
[18:29] Alvin
    keep our wits about us, and...
[18:32] Alvin
    What are you laughing about?
[18:35] Carla
    Oh... I'm sorry.
[18:37] Carla
    I just found it extremely funny
    to receive a high-handed lecture
[18:39] Carla
    from a person so green
    that he fell into a hole.
[18:42] Alvin
    I really wish you could
    work on that phrasing!
[18:45] Alvin
    Still, you're acting a little goofy now.
[18:48] Alvin
    Are you enjoying yourself?
[18:50] Carla
    I wouldn't say that.
[18:52] Carla
    But this is my first time camping out.
[18:57] Carla
    So I suppose it feels rather
    like a new experience,
[19:00] Carla
    and I feel kind of like a real adventurer...
[19:03] Carla
    And I guess it is fun.
[19:08] Carla
    What about you, Alvin-san?
[19:10] Alvin
    I've camped out several times.
[19:14] Alvin
    But I guess it is... my first time
    doing it with a real companion.
[19:20] Carla
    Alvin-san...
[19:23] Carla
    You don't have any friends?
[19:25] Alvin
    You don't, either!
[19:28] Alvin
    Here we go.
[19:29] Alvin
    Time for bed.
[19:30] Carla
    It seems a bit early for that.
[19:31] Carla
    Are you an old man?
[19:33] Alvin
    It's talking with you that
    makes me feel tired!
[19:38] Alvin
    You seem pretty wide awake,
    so I'll rest first.
[19:41] Carla
    I don't mind, of course.
[19:43] Carla
    Falling into that hole must have
    been very mentally taxing.
[19:46] Alvin
    The only thing taxing here is you!
[19:51] Alvin
    Anyway, wake me up in three hours.
[19:54] Carla
    Understood.
[19:55] Carla
    In the meantime, I'll...
[19:57] Alvin
    Stand watch, right?
[19:59] Carla
    ...sing a song.
[20:00] Alvin
    Why?
[20:03] Carla
    What a strange question!
[20:05] Alvin
    If you wanna talk "strange," let's
    talk about how your mind works!
[20:07] Alvin
    Did your brain short out or something?!
[20:09] Carla
    Well, I was going to sing a lullaby.
[20:11] Carla
    Here I go...
[20:13] Carla
    Despite what you might think,
    I really do love singing.
[20:15] Alvin
    I wish you'd love silence.
[20:18] Carla
    And they say my singing voice
    draws birds out of the skies!
[20:23] Alvin
    With what, the shock waves?
[20:25] Alvin
    And you still suck at winking.
[20:26] Carla
    Please, just trust me and listen!
[20:30] Alvin
    Well... I might as well give you a chance.
[20:37] Carla
    Neeryooom! Chugga-chugga-chugga-chug!
[20:39] Alvin
    Okay, stop!
[20:41] Carla
    But that was just the intro!
[20:43] Alvin
    What kind of lullaby has an intro?!
[20:45] Alvin
    And what kind of lullaby goes that hard?!
[20:49] Carla
    I'll try a more peaceful one, then.
[20:51] Alvin
    That should've been your first go-to!
[20:54] Carla
    I'll begin, then.
[20:55] Carla
    Go to sleep... Go to sleep...
[21:00] Carla
    Listen to my calming song... and sleep...
[21:08] Alvin
    She's not bad.
[21:09] Carla
    Then fall into the abyss of endless fear,
[21:13] Carla
    be tormented by nightmares, never waking,
[21:17] Carla
    as you writhe in agony...
[21:19] Alvin
    Is this a curse?!
[21:20] Carla
    How rude!
[21:21] Carla
    That song was guaranteed
    to put you in a slumber!
[21:23] Alvin
    An eternal slumber, maybe!
[21:25] Alvin
    I've been wondering since we met,
[21:27] Alvin
    but are you really even a healer?!
[21:34] Alvin
    Crap! I yelled too loud
    and summoned a monster!
[21:39] Beast
    Could you people shut up?!
[21:41] Beast
    Don't you know what time it is?!
[21:43] Alvin
    He's yelling at us!
[21:45] Beast
    Get to sleep already!
[21:47] Alvin
    Yes, sir!
SIGN    Next Time
[23:25] Carla
    Next episode's title is
[23:27] Carla
    "Despite the terrible time he's been having
    during his travels with Carla the healer
[23:32] Carla
    for two episodes Alvin tries to keep up
    his job as a monster-hunting adventurer
SIGN    See you then!
[23:37] sign
    "Despite the terrible time he's been having during his travels with Carla
    the healer for two episodes Alvin tries to keep up his job as a
    monster-hunting adventurer which I guess shows some pretty impressive
    resolve except when he runs into a mushroom monster he challenges
    to a fight and it turns out to be tougher than expected and by the way
    this won't get mentioned in the series proper but his species is called
    matango and you might think it has an adult male voice but also
    given how it was drawn in the manga a childish voice might
    work too, and it's just one big surprise after another, but the truth is
    we actually wrote this title in early 2021 before we cast the voice actor,
    so I'm actually looking forward to who's voicing it but anyway there's
    more going on than the question of whether Alvin can beat the
    mushroom and that's the deal with episode 3."
[23:37] Carla
    which I guess shows some
    pretty impressive resolve..."

Season 1

E3 - Despite the terrible time he's been having...

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:01] Alvin
    Behold, the vast world in which we live!
[00:04] Alvin
    It is rampant with monsters
    that threaten human life.
[00:10] Alvin
    This threat is opposed by
    countless adventurers! Heroes!
[00:17] Alvin
    Every day, they face these
    dangerous battles...
[00:21] Alvin
    To protect the people! To protect the world!
[00:27] Alvin
    And I, Alvin, am one of them!
[00:32] Alvin
    Now in a party with Carla, the healer,
[00:35] Alvin
    my journey continues!
SIGN    Don't Hurt Me,
SIGN    Don't Hurt Me,
SIGN    My Healer!
SIGN    Despite the terrible time he's been having...
[02:12] Alvin
    There's something I've been wondering.
[02:15] Carla
    What is it?
[02:16] Carla
    This is very out of the indigo.
[02:19] Alvin
    Are you really a healer?
[02:29] Alvin
    I'm talking to you, Carla-san.
[02:32] Carla
    Me? Of all people?
[02:34] Alvin
    Who else could there be?
[02:36] Carla
    Where is this coming from?
[02:37] Carla
    Are you suggesting I'm not very healer-like?
[02:39] Carla
    What's not healery about me?
[02:40] Alvin
    Everything?
[02:41] Carla
    But I'm so kind!
[02:43] Alvin
    Objection.
[02:44] Carla
    Overflowing with motherly instinct!
[02:46] Alvin
    Objection.
[02:47] Carla
    Who could ever doubt someone
    so soothing to the soul?!
[02:50] Alvin
    Major bottleneck of objections here!
[02:51] Carla
    Then let me ask you a question, Alvin-san.
[02:53] Carla
    What do you think a healer should be like?
[02:55] Alvin
    Let's see...
[02:58] Alvin
    A healer should be kind and motherly...
[03:01] Alvin
    Just being with them should
    be soothing to the soul!
[03:05] Alvin
    Not even close, bud!
[03:07] Alvin
    Why are you blushing?!
[03:09] Alvin
    I've never even seen you
    use a single proper spell!
[03:13] Carla
    So if you saw me use one,
    you'd believe me then?
[03:17] Carla
    Would you mind if I broke
    a few of your ribs, then?
[03:20] Alvin
    And there we are!
[03:22] Alvin
    Behavior unbecoming of a healer!
[03:24] Carla
    But if you want me to use curative magic,
[03:26] Carla
    I need you to get hurt...
[03:28] Alvin
    Then pick another—
[03:31] Alvin
    Hey, look at that!
SIGN    Here I go! Off to slaughter humankind!
SIGN    Young and old, men and women!
SIGN    All shall fall to the bloodbath!
[03:44] Carla
    It's a monster.
SIGN    Bloodbath! Bloodbath!
[03:45] Carla
    And a fiendish one, at that.
[03:46] Alvin
    All right.
[03:48] Alvin
    I'll go fight him!
[03:50] Carla
    I see!
[03:51] Carla
    And then, after you die, I can resurrect you!
[03:55] Alvin
    That's an interesting
    conclusion you jumped to.
[03:57] Carla
    You think you can beat him, then?
[04:00] Alvin
    Well... it might not be
    an easy victory, but...
[04:04] Alvin
    In that case, cast an enhancement spell!
[04:08] Carla
    On the monster?! Are you a masochist?
[04:10] Alvin
    On me!
[04:12] Carla
    But I'm not really sure that'll work...
[04:15] Alvin
    What's this, now?
[04:16] Alvin
    Are you saying you can't cast it?
[04:20] Carla
    I'm saying, anything times
    zero is still zero.
[04:23] Alvin
    What is that supposed to mean?!
[04:24] Carla
    But if that would prove to
    you that I'm a healer...
[04:28] Alvin
    Wait, you can cast it?
[04:30] Carla
    Now, stand over there!
[04:33] Alvin
    R-Right...
[04:34] Carla
    Go on, hop to it!
[04:35] Alvin
    F-Fine...
[04:39] Alvin
    Do I really need to be this far away?
[04:42] Carla
    I haven't done this in a while,
    so in case it goes wrong...
[04:45] Alvin
    Hang on a minute!
[04:45] Alvin
    What's going to go wrong?!
[04:46] Alvin
    What are you expecting to go wrong?!
[04:46] Carla
    I think if I just pray... like this...
[04:52] Alvin
    Hey, are you listening?!
[04:54] Carla
    I go like this, and...
[04:57] Carla
    I did it!
[04:59] Alvin
    Hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it!
[05:01] Carla
    Now I throw it at you...
[05:03] Alvin
    You throw it?!
[05:04] Alvin
    That obvious manifestation of
    your black and twisted soul?!
[05:07] Carla
    Alvin-san!
[05:09] Carla
    There's no need to worry!
[05:12] Alvin
    Are you sure?
[05:14] Carla
    You'll be just fine!
[05:17] Alvin
    I don't believe you!
[05:31] Carla
    Well? Are you convinced?
[05:33] Alvin
    I'm convinced that you're unhinged!
[05:43] Carla
    Actually, there's something
    I've been wondering, too.
[05:47] Carla
    It's a question that keeps me up at night.
[05:51] Alvin
    I guess you've got a lot more
    sleepless nights in store.
[05:57] Alvin
    Boy, I'm hungry.
[05:59] Alvin
    I guess it's just about lunchtime.
[06:01] Carla
    Stare...
[06:06] Carla
    Stare...
[06:11] Carla
    Stare...
[06:15] Alvin
    Fine, I'll ask!
[06:16] Alvin
    Just stop staring like that!
[06:20] Alvin
    So? What were you wondering about?
[06:23] Carla
    It's about you, Alvin-san!
[06:25] Alvin
    Y-You mean... as a love interest?
[06:28] Carla
    I'm suing.
[06:29] Alvin
    Don't bring the law into this!
[06:31] Alvin
    It was just a joke, anyway.
[06:32] Carla
    What I'm wondering about is your strength.
[06:36] Alvin
    My strength?
[06:37] Carla
    You've claimed that your strength
    is on the level of a slug...
[06:41] Alvin
    First I've heard of it.
[06:42] Carla
    But the people who claim
    that they're the weakest
[06:45] Carla
    are often actually very strong!
[06:48] Alvin
    Well, I'm genuinely not that strong...
[06:51] Carla
    Enough false modesty!
[06:52] Carla
    In order to properly gauge
    your slug-like strength,
[06:56] Carla
    I'd like you to fight this fellow here!
SIGN    Yo!
[07:01] Alvin
    Hey! You're the one from before!
[07:04] Alvin
    You survived?
[07:06] Carla
    You can't die from an enhancement spell.
[07:09] Alvin
    Are you saying it was actually
    an enhancement spell?
[07:11] Alvin
    Then why in the world did we
    hold that little funeral?
SIGN    Surprised, are you?
SIGN    Barely recognize me, do you?
SIGN    Having endured that ominous enhancement spell,
SIGN    and returned from the abyss of death,
SIGN    I am truly unrecognizable!
[07:25] Alvin
    So he did almost die!
[07:27] Carla
    The spell relies on the "what doesn't
    kill you makes you stronger" principle.
[07:31] Carla
    Probably.
[07:32] Alvin
    Please don't cast spells
    based on speculation!
SIGN    Well? Wanna fight?!
[07:38] Alvin
    He seriously looks about the same as before.
[07:40] Alvin
    What exactly about him did you enhance?
[07:47] Carla
    His flavor.
[07:50] Alvin
    I might just stand a chance here.
SIGN    H-Hang on a minute here!
SIGN    Are you sure you didn't enhance anything else?
SIGN    My toughness? My speed?!
[08:00] Carla
    Your mouthfeel, maybe?
SIGN    You view me as an ingredient?
SIGN    Were you just planning to eat me from the start?
SIGN    Damn it!
[08:07] Alvin
    That wasn't in my plan!
SIGN    I won't be made your dinner's main dish that easily!
[08:13] Carla
    I'd love to boil you with rice!
[08:14] Alvin
    What are you talking about?
SIGN    Take this!
[08:23] Alvin
    A smokescreen?!
[08:24] Alvin
    No, this is...
[08:26] Alvin
    Poison!
[08:29] Carla
    Alvin-san!
[08:30] Alvin
    Fool! Stay back!
[08:31] Alvin
    These are poisonous spores!
[08:33] Carla
    Did you say poison?
[08:35] Carla
    Indeed, it would be dangerous to approach...
[08:39] Carla
    Perhaps I'll just turn in for the day...
[08:41] Alvin
    Come here, damn it!
[08:43] Carla
    One moment you're telling me
    to stay back, and the next...
[08:47] Carla
    What an unparalleled ego!
[08:49] Carla
    You've shown your true colors.
[08:51] Carla
    Sad!
[08:54] Alvin
    Look, I'm sorry about that.
[08:57] Alvin
    I didn't expect you to be so prepared
    that you even brought a gas mask!
[09:01] Carla
    Meanwhile, I'm shocked that you entered the
    forest without a single anti-poison measure.
[09:07] Carla
    Are you an amateur?
[09:09] Alvin
    I never expected you to
    best me in an argument.
[09:14] Alvin
    Damn. I must have breathed some in...
[09:17] Carla
    Are you all right?
[09:19] Alvin
    Do you have an antidote spell?
[09:21] Carla
    Yes, leave it to me.
[09:25] Carla
    I'll put you out of your misery.
[09:27] Alvin
    That means removing the poison, right?
[09:30] Carla
    All jokes aside,
[09:32] Carla
    I can use an antidote spell,
[09:34] Carla
    but I'd prefer to preserve my magic power,
[09:38] Carla
    so I'll use an item instead.
[09:41] Alvin
    The antidote herbs we collected earlier?
[09:43] Carla
    Yes.
[09:45] Carla
    Though I could also use some
    of those weeds over there.
[09:48] Alvin
    Why are you making this a choice?
[09:51] Carla
    I thought that adding choices
    might unlock a route split.
[09:54] Alvin
    A route split between dead or alive, maybe!
[09:57] Alvin
    We don't need to go seeking out bad ends!
[10:00] Alvin
    Hang on a minute.
    Why didn't that monster attack after—
SIGN    Poisooon
[10:04] Alvin
    Hey! What kind of monster
    succumbs to his own poison?
[10:10] Alvin
    And you didn't actually do anything!
[10:15] Alvin
    It's a good thing he was
    such a stupid monster.
[10:17] Alvin
    Carla, cure my poison while he's down.
[10:20] Carla
    Righty-o!
SIGN    The pain...
SIGN    Oh, the pain!
SIGN    It hurts so much!
SIGN    It just hurts so much!
[10:31] Alvin
    It's talking.
[10:34] Carla
    Monsters who live a long
    time acquire great wisdom,
[10:38] Carla
    and the ability to speak the human tongue!
[10:39] Alvin
    We don't need that explanation again!
SIGN    Please... I don't wanna die yet...
SIGN    Help me...
SIGN    Help! I need somebody!
[10:48] Alvin
    He does seem to want help, but...
[10:51] Alvin
    If you could just give me the antidote—
[10:54] Alvin
    Carla?
[10:55] Alvin
    Hey!
[10:57] Carla
    W-Well...
[11:00] Carla
    Oh, that's right.
[11:01] Carla
    We were talking about attendants!
[11:03] Carla
    Very well. If that is your
    true heart's desire,
[11:07] Carla
    I will let you be my manservant!
SIGN    Manservant
[11:08] Alvin
    Antidote. An antidote for my poison!
[11:13] Alvin
    You're thinking about
    helping him, aren't you?
[11:16] Carla
    Ack!
SIGN    A
    c
    k
[11:17] Carla
    O-Of course nack!
SIGN    A
    c
    k
[11:20] Carla
    H-He's a monster, and
    I'm not that foolack...
SIGN    A
    c
    k
[11:24] Alvin
    I've never been so annoyingly right.
[11:27] Alvin
    For pity's sake.
[11:28] Alvin
    Is this more of your famed
    spirit of benevolence?
[11:31] Alvin
    But have you considered the
    ramifications of your actions?
[11:33] Alvin
    Even we save him,
    he might just attack us again!
[11:39] Alvin
    And what's the guarantee that
    he won't attack someone else?
[11:43] Alvin
    You heard him singing about
    slaughtering humans before!
[11:49] Alvin
    The idea that you can achieve
    understanding with absolutely anybody
[11:51] Alvin
    doesn't work in real life.
[11:55] Carla
    Is that... what you think?
[11:58] Alvin
    Well, it's what I keep saying...
[12:00] Carla
    Regardless, I'm still a holy woman...
[12:04] Carla
    I can't just sit back and watch
    while a life fades before my eyes.
[12:11] Alvin
    That thing's a monster.
[12:13] Alvin
    If you can't tell the difference...
[12:16] Carla
    Can't we just save him,
[12:17] Carla
    earn his gratitude,
[12:19] Carla
    and get him to give us
    lots of money and items?
[12:21] Alvin
    That's just extortion!
[12:23] Carla
    Is that when you file a
    callus off your foot?
[12:26] Alvin
    That's exfoliation.
[12:28] Carla
    The thing you feel when you walk
    up three flights of stairs?
[12:31] Alvin
    That's exertion.
[12:32] Carla
    The process of a bird losing its feathers?
[12:34] Alvin
    Exuviation!
[12:35] Carla
    A die-off of species?
[12:36] Alvin
    Extinction!
[12:37] Alvin
    And shut up!
[12:42] Carla
    Hey...
[12:43] Alvin
    What?
[12:44] Carla
    Doesn't it seem like you're over the poison?
[12:47] Alvin
    Eh? Now that you mention it...
SIGN    Tch. You caught on?
[12:50] Alvin
    What?!
[12:52] Alvin
    H-Hang on... I thought
    the poison took him out!
SIGN    You fool!
SIGN    That was all a performance to get your guard down!
SIGN    A commonly-employed mushroom strategy,
SIGN    to get you to approach so I could strike you unawares!
[13:06] Alvin
    Then why didn't you stay down?
[13:08] Carla
    Tch.
[13:09] Carla
    Thank goodness!
    You mean it was just a performance?
[13:12] Alvin
    I heard a tongue-click!
[13:14] Alvin
    I think you're just frustrated
    he stole your spotlight!
SIGN    Is she really a holy woman?
[13:20] Alvin
    That's what I'd like to know!
SIGN    H-Hey, chill out, man...
SIGN    I'll give you a great piece of info!
[13:29] Alvin
    What is it?
SIGN    That thing I did before was just a smokescreen.
SIGN    There was no poison in it.
SIGN    I mean, you sorta threw me for a loop there!
SIGN    I send out one little smokescreen, and you start shouting "poisonous spores"!
SIGN    I guess it had you under the weather for a bit,
SIGN    but you seem to be feeling better now.
SIGN    Isn't that nice?
[13:54] Carla
    Are you saying you just
    assumed it was poison?
[13:58] Carla
    Goodness me... that can't be true, can it?
[14:02] Carla
    What's this? Why so quiet, eh?
[14:06] Carla
    Go on, tell me! Don't be shy!
[14:08] Carla
    You're not some beginner.
[14:10] Carla
    You can't possibly have
    gotten that wrong, can you?
[14:18] Alvin
    You little...
[14:21] Alvin
    Hey! Cut it out!
[14:23] Alvin
    It's not nice to laugh
    at a person's mistakes!
[14:29] Alvin
    Hey... I don't think I've ever
    heard her laugh so hard before.
[14:32] Alvin
    It's a damned trashy laugh, though...
[14:40] Alvin
    Good grief.
[14:41] Alvin
    Maybe I'll just let it go this time.
[14:45] Alvin
    Okay, that's enough!
[14:54] Carla
    All that laughing got me hungry.
[14:57] Alvin
    I'm pretty hungry too!
SIGN    I've got an idea!
SIGN    Let's all go off together to eat!
SIGN    Anyone got any meal ideas?
[15:07] Carla
    Me!
[15:09] Carla
    I'd love some mushroom soup.
[15:10] Carla
    Or mushrooms boiled with rice.
SIGN    You really were planning to eat me, then?!
SIGN    Damn it!
[15:19] Alvin
    Wait, we're doing this again?!
SIGN    I won't be made your dinner's main dish that easily!
[15:25] Alvin
    After all that, we're back to square one?
[15:28] Carla
    I'd like you deep-fried, too.
[15:30] Carla
    Since I did enhance your mouthfeel...
[15:32] Alvin
    Don't play along!
SIGN    Come, then! Try me!
[15:42] Alvin
    Fine, whatever...
[15:44] Alvin
    All right.
[15:45] Alvin
    This was supposed to be a test
    of my strength from the start.
[15:50] Alvin
    Perhaps I'll give you a taste of my might!
[16:04] Alvin
    Let's go!
[16:30] Carla
    Maybe I should have improved
    Alvin-san's mouthfeel instead.
[16:34] Alvin
    Damn it...
SIGN    I win!!
[16:44] Carla
    It's really coming down.
[16:46] Carla
    I'm glad there was this cave nearby.
[16:49] Carla
    Are you feeling any better, Alvin-san?
[16:54] Carla
    Alvin-san!
[16:56] Carla
    No!
[16:58] Alvin
    The real me is right here!
[17:00] Alvin
    Ow, ow...
SIGN    You okay? I'm really sorry.
SIGN    I really lost my head back there.
SIGN    You've gotta take it easy, man. Chill out a minute.
[17:09] Alvin
    Being doted on by the person who beat me...
[17:12] Alvin
    I'm so pathetic.
[17:13] Carla
    You are not!
[17:16] Carla
    At the very least,
    I think you're quite amazing!
[17:20] Alvin
    I don't need your pity act.
[17:22] Alvin
    And don't throw my helmet!
[17:24] Carla
    It's not a pity act!
    I really think you're amazing!
[17:26] Carla
    To be as weak as you are and
    still become an adventurer...
[17:30] Carla
    That requires true mental fortitude!
[17:31] Alvin
    Actually pity me!
[17:32] Carla
    Now, now.
[17:33] Carla
    The whining will just make
    it worse! Calm down!
[17:36] Alvin
    Stop making me sound like a sore loser!
[17:38] Carla
    I'll use a healing spell
    to make you better,
[17:40] Carla
    like I did with Mostly Bear-san.
[17:43] Carla
    I can do that, because I'm a healer!
[17:45] Alvin
    Are you still pretending you're a healer?
[17:49] Carla
    Of course I am!
[17:50] Carla
    And I'll shut that smart
    mouth of yours right now!
[17:53] Alvin
    You really don't talk like someone
    about to make me better...
[17:56] Carla
    What got the worst of it?
[18:01] Carla
    The face, perhaps?
[18:02] Alvin
    Probably your head!
[18:05] Carla
    That does look pretty bad.
SIGN    I did use a fa jin that would pierce through your armor...
SIGN    Sorry, man.
[18:13] Alvin
    I didn't know you practiced martial arts!
[18:16] Alvin
    Can you actually cure this?
[18:18] Carla
    What a worrywart.
[18:20] Carla
    Have I ever betrayed your expectations?
[18:23] Alvin
    Have you ever met them?
[18:30] Carla
    The preparations are complete!
[18:31] Alvin
    I wish you wouldn't dress like that!
[18:38] Carla
    Let my prayer be heard!
[18:42] Alvin
    I really don't think that's
    going to cure anything...
[18:45] Alvin
    Could you please stop?!
[18:47] Carla
    This is how I healed you when
    we stayed with Mostly Bear-san.
[18:50] Alvin
    I'm talking about appearances.
[18:52] Alvin
    Don't you have a less
    aggressive healing spell?
[18:58] Carla
    Well...
[19:01] Carla
    Is this better?
[19:03] Alvin
    Can you really not do this
    without the cosplay?
SIGN    Well, nothing seems broken.
SIGN    A simple spell would probably do the trick.
SIGN    Or maybe some medicinal herbs!
[19:15] Alvin
    That's true.
[19:16] Alvin
    Maybe medicinal herbs would be better
    than relying on some bizarre spell.
[19:20] Carla
    But if you use medicinal herbs,
    I can't prove my ability!
[19:24] Carla
    I'll try a chant!
[19:26] Alvin
    I guess at some point we decided
    you'd be proving yourself, too.
[19:30] Carla
    Now, watch me.
[19:32] Carla
    With the miracles of God,
    it's easy to heal simple wounds like that!
[19:37] Alvin
    Somehow, I'm not reassured.
[19:39] Carla
    Now...
[19:40] Carla
    Great God above us,
[19:43] Carla
    I beg of you, bring relief to the
    wounded body of the warrior, Alvin!
[19:47] Carla
    He may be pitiful, pathetic, hopeless,
    and utterly beyond saving...
[19:53] Alvin
    Wait!
[19:54] Carla
    I beg of you, God!
[19:55] Carla
    I can no longer stand to see him like this!
[19:57] Carla
    Please, make him better!
[20:00] Alvin
    Enough!
[20:03] Carla
    Well? Are you better?
[20:05] Alvin
    Of course not!
[20:07] Alvin
    And don't click your tongue!
[20:09] Carla
    I-I wasn't clicking my tongue at you!
[20:12] Alvin
    Who else would you be
    clicking your tongue at?!
[20:15] Carla
    At God, for not making you better...
[20:18] Alvin
    That's blasphemous!
[20:20] Carla
    And at you, for not feeling better...
[20:23] Alvin
    So it was at me!
[20:25] Carla
    And at the stupid slug.
[20:27] Alvin
    That's also me—Hey, cut it out!
SIGN    Hey, you guys!
SIGN    I think the rain's let up.
[20:40] Carla
    It really has.
[20:41] Alvin
    Ow...
[20:43] Alvin
    And it was pouring just moments ago.
[20:46] Alvin
    Now that the weather's gotten better,
    we should probably head out.
[20:51] Alvin
    The weather... got better?
[20:55] Alvin
    It got better?!
[20:58] Alvin
    It definitely wasn't you!
[21:08] Alvin
    By the way...
[21:11] Alvin
    why are you coming with us?
SIGN    I'm so worried, I can't stay away.
[21:16] Carla
    I suppose you would be.
[21:17] Carla
    You'd be too worried to leave
    Alvin-san all on his own!
[21:21] Alvin
    Don't pull yourself out of the firing range!
[21:23] Alvin
    He's worried about you, too!
SIGN    And it'd be hard to get bored while I'm hanging out with you two.
[21:29] Carla
    Mushroom-san.
[21:30] Carla
    Thank you for carrying my bag.
SIGN    Hey, no problem!
[21:34] Carla
    What's your name?
SIGN    Altargaia!
[21:37] Carla
    It's a pleasure to meet you, Altargaia-san.
[21:41] Carla
    Isn't that a splendid name?
[21:43] Carla
    Much better than "Alvin."
[21:44] Alvin
    You don't have to make it a competition!
SIGN    Next Time
[23:25] Alvin
    Next episode's title is...
[23:27] Alvin
    "The first dungeon Alvin tackles
    with Carla is designed for beginners
[23:30] Alvin
    which is very nice and so even
    Alvin seems to be flying through it
[23:36] Alvin
    but of course as a veteran rookie he isn't—"
SIGN    See you then!
[23:36] sign
    "The first dungeon Alvin tackles with Carla is designed for beginners
    which is very nice and so even Alvin seems to be flying through it
    but of course as a veteran rookie he isn't without his struggles
    and he once again reveals his aptitude(?) for falling into holes
    and even causes their mushroom monster companion to worry and
    come to think of it the mushroom guy who showed up last episode
    has a name (it's Altargaia) and there aren't many chances to call him
    that but we would like you to remember it and by the way if you're
    having trouble reading these titles to the end we just wanted to
    remind you that you can pause the video or maybe check the show's
    homepage and that's the deal with episode 4."
[23:38] Alvin
    Hey! I'm still talking—

Season 1

E4 - The first dungeon Alvin tackles with Carla is designed for...

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:01] Alvin
    Behold, the vast world in which we live!
[00:04] Alvin
    It is rampant with monsters
    that threaten human life.
[00:10] Alvin
    This threat is opposed by
    countless adventurers! Heroes!
[00:17] Alvin
    Every day, they face these
    dangerous battles...
[00:21] Alvin
    To protect the people! To protect the world!
[00:27] Alvin
    And I, Alvin, am one of them!
[00:32] Alvin
    Now in a party with Carla, the healer,
[00:35] Alvin
    my journey continues!
SIGN    Don't Hurt Me,
SIGN    Don't Hurt Me,
SIGN    My Healer!
SIGN    The first dungeon Alvin tackles with Carla is designed for...
[02:14] Carla
    Alvin-san. Where are we going today?
[02:17] Alvin
    A dungeon.
[02:18] Carla
    Be serious!
[02:20] Alvin
    I am serious!
[02:21] Alvin
    What, you think I can't handle it?
[02:24] Carla
    I wasn't thinking that myself,
    but it might be the general consensus.
[02:27] Alvin
    Don't you worry!
[02:28] Alvin
    I hear the place we're headed
    for is designed for beginners!
[02:32] Carla
    In other words, it was built just for you.
[02:34] Alvin
    What, you think I'm the dungeon's owner?
[02:36] Carla
    Aha, I see.
[02:38] Carla
    You live there?
[02:40] Alvin
    I told you, it's a dungeon!
[02:42] Kinoko
    Hey!
[02:46] Kinoko
    I found a building just ahead!
[02:50] Alvin
    That must be the place!
[02:52] Alvin
    At last, my first dungeon!
[02:55] Carla
    It does set the heart racing.
[02:57] Alvin
    Okay, let's go!
SIGN    Welcome SUPER Beginners Only
    Dungeon
SIGN    Safety Guaranteed
[03:11] Carla
    This is a unique house you live in.
[03:14] Carla
    Did you have it designed?
[03:16] Alvin
    It's not my house!
[03:18] Alvin
    If it was, I would curse
    the designer for eternity!
[03:21] Carla
    What should we do?
[03:23] Alvin
    It's not exactly what I
    was expecting, but...
[03:25] Alvin
    I guess we should go in—
[03:27] Eyeball
    Halt!
[03:30] Alvin
    A monster?!
[03:33] Eyeball
    Lower your sword, warrior.
[03:36] Eyeball
    I have no desire to fight!
[03:38] Alvin
    Wh-What?!
[03:40] Carla
    Maybe you don't, but we do!
[03:43] Carla
    Let's do this!
[03:44] Alvin
    What kind of bloodthirsty
    holy woman are you?!
[03:47] Eyeball
    Do you mean to enter this dungeon?
[03:49] Alvin
    What if we do?
[03:51] Alvin
    Are you going to try to stop us?
[03:52] Eyeball
    As I said before, I have no desire to fight.
[03:55] Carla
    See? He said he wants to fight!
[03:55] Eyeball
    But this is a dungeon for extreme beginners.
[03:58] Alvin
    No, you're the one who's
    been trying to fight!
[03:58] Eyeball
    I must determine if you are worthy to—
[04:00] Eyeball
    Hey! Are you listening?!
[04:03] Carla
    Listening to what?
[04:04] Eyeball
    I knew it. You weren't listening...
[04:07] Eyeball
    And I was trying so hard to
    sound cool and impressive!
[04:11] Kinoko
    You were saying that only beginners
    can enter this dungeon, right?
[04:16] Eyeball
    Thank goodness, one of them has sense...
[04:19] Carla
    No need to worry there.
[04:20] Carla
    Alvin-san has an annual
    pass to beginnership.
[04:23] Alvin
    Do not!
[04:23] Eyeball
    Very well.
[04:25] Eyeball
    I will investigate, and confirm your words.
[04:27] Eyeball
    Let us begin!
[04:38] Eyeball
    This is...
[04:44] Eyeball
    Wha?! A h-h-hundred?!
[04:47] Eyeball
    Beginner level 100?!
[04:49] Eyeball
    That's nuts, man!
[04:51] Alvin
    I had a feeling this would happen!
[04:54] Carla
    Patheticness level 100?
[04:56] Carla
    I can see it.
[04:58] Alvin
    I don't think he said that!
[05:00] Kinoko
    W-Well, they say it's not good to
    stray too far from your roots...
SIGN    Pfft
[05:07] Alvin
    You're just making it worse.
[05:09] Eyeball
    Enter away!
[05:13] Alvin
    There's a song playing!
[05:15] Carla
    At last, our first dungeon!
[05:17] Carla
    Time to beat it!
[05:19] Alvin
    Yeah.
[05:20] Eyeball
    Take care!
[05:22] Carla
    We will, thanks!
[05:24] Alvin
    I'm exhausted.
[05:27] Alvin
    We're just a few steps in,
    and I'm already exhausted.
[05:29] Alvin
    Regardless, this is still a dungeon!
[05:32] Alvin
    I need to remain on my guard!
[05:35] Alvin
    You never know what kind
    of traps might await!
[05:38] Alvin
    Listen up, party!
[05:40] Alvin
    This may be for beginners,
    but it's still a dungeon!
[05:43] Alvin
    You have to keep a close eye
    on everything around—
[05:46] Carla
    Behold!
[05:47] Carla
    Alvin-san's patented
    patheticness-level-100 specialty!
[06:01] Carla
    Alvin-san? Are you all right?
[06:07] Carla
    There's a cushion at the bottom,
[06:09] Carla
    and a ladder on the wall.
[06:11] Carla
    Just what you'd expect from
    a beginners' dungeon trap.
[06:16] Kinoko
    You should really climb up already.
[06:19] Kinoko
    I don't think you're actually hurt.
[06:36] Kinoko
    He seems pretty down.
[06:37] Carla
    Good grief. We'll have to reassure him.
[06:42] Carla
    Alvin-san.
[06:45] Carla
    That was a magnificent hole-in-one!
[06:48] Carla
    Practically professional!
[06:49] Carla
    A perfect example of what not to do!
[06:50] Alvin
    That's not the way you reassure someone!
[06:53] Alvin
    And it's not like I sprung
    the trap on purpose!
[06:55] Carla
    Yes, yes. I know.
[06:57] Carla
    In fact, I prepared a magic item to
    deal with traps just like these.
[07:01] Carla
    Here. Take it.
[07:02] Alvin
    What, really?
[07:04] Alvin
    What the heck...
[07:05] Alvin
    If you had one of those,
    why didn't you say—
[07:07] Alvin
    Wait.
[07:10] Alvin
    What's this thing?
[07:11] Alvin
    An ordinary cloth?
[07:13] Carla
    Good grief. You amateurs
    don't know anything.
[07:16] Carla
    Listen to me.
[07:17] Carla
    The next time you trigger a trap...
[07:20] Alvin
    The next time I trigger a trap...?
[07:22] Carla
    It'll probably be very embarrassing,
[07:24] Carla
    so you can use that to wipe away your tears!
[07:26] Alvin
    So it's just a handkerchief!
[07:28] Alvin
    And I'm not crying!
[07:30] Carla
    What a rude thing to say!
[07:31] Carla
    It's actually a very useful cleaning aid!
[07:33] Alvin
    So it's just a rag!
[07:35] Alvin
    I just have to not spring
    any more traps, right?
[07:37] Alvin
    Come on!
[07:39] Alvin
    Stay alert, keep a close
    eye on your surroundings.
[07:42] Alvin
    Detect dangers early, and avoid them.
[07:45] Alvin
    Stay alert, keep a close eye
    on your surroundings...
[07:48] Alvin
    Does it seem like it's
    getting darker to you?
[07:51] Carla
    It is getting dark.
[07:52] Carla
    Be sure to watch your step.
[07:54] Alvin
    I will.
[07:55] Carla
    Alvin-san.
[07:57] Carla
    Do you think that lever
    might turn on the lights?
[08:02] Alvin
    That lever?
[08:04] Alvin
    Hey, you might be right!
[08:06] Alvin
    It's hard to see traps when
    it's this dark, after all!
[08:09] Alvin
    Just what I'd expect from
    a beginners' dungeon!
[08:26] Alvin
    I'm not crying!
[08:27] Carla
    Come on! Be vulnerable!
[08:29] Alvin
    Get that rag away for me, you little...
[08:33] Kinoko
    C'mon. Stop playing around,
    and let's get going!
[08:37] Both
    We're not playing around!
[08:39] Alvin
    Stay alert, keep a close
    eye on your surroundings.
[08:43] Kinoko
    By the way, Alvin...
[08:43] Alvin
    Detect dangers early, and avoid them.
[08:45] Kinoko
    That was a pretty sad trap
    you triggered back there...
[08:48] Kinoko
    You think you're not cut out
    for this adventurer thing?
SIGN    Not cut out
[08:53] Carla
    You've got it all wrong.
[08:55] Kinoko
    I do?
[08:56] Carla
    Alvin-san is triggering
    the traps intentionally
[09:00] Carla
    so that we don't accidentally
    spring them ourselves!
[09:03] Kinoko
    What? Really?!
[09:05] Carla
    Of course.
[09:07] Carla
    He'd never fall for such
    a silly trap, normally.
[09:11] Carla
    Right, Alvin-san?
[09:14] Alvin
    Was it that obvious?
[09:16] Carla
    I knew it!
[09:18] Alvin
    Well... the duty of a warrior is
    to shield his comrades from harm.
[09:22] Carla
    You're a true paragon, Alvin-san!
[09:24] Alvin
    H-Hey, cut it out...
[09:28] Carla
    But you could have just warned us.
[09:31] Carla
    Why put yourself through that on purpose?
[09:34] Alvin
    Don't build me up just to tear me back down!
[09:36] Carla
    Is triggering traps your thing
    these days or something?
[09:40] Alvin
    Don't make it sound like a hobby!
[09:43] Kinoko
    Hey, Alvin, look down!
[09:45] Alvin
    What?
[09:50] Alvin
    Damn! We're locked in!
[09:55] Kinoko
    The walls!
[09:56] Alvin
    Not good!
[09:58] Alvin
    They're going to crush us!
[10:03] Alvin
    What do we do?!
[10:12] Kinoko
    Looks like we can just hold them back.
[10:17] Carla
    Alvin-san. Alvin-san!
[10:21] Alvin
    How'd you get out there?
    Did you use a spell?
[10:25] Carla
    No, there's a door in the bars.
[10:28] Carla
    See?
[10:30] Carla
    When you panic, it's easy to
    miss the forest for the trees.
[10:39] Alvin
    Stay alert, keep a close eye
    on your surroundings...
[10:42] Carla
    Isn't this nice, Alvin-san?
[10:46] Carla
    I'll bet the traps are so happy
    that you're springing them all!
[10:52] Alvin
    Don't anthropomorphize the traps!
[10:54] Carla
    Traps exist to be sprung!
[10:57] Carla
    From their point of view,
    you're the ideal adventurer!
[11:01] Alvin
    I don't want to be the traps' ideal!
[11:04] Kinoko
    Hey, look over there!
[11:07] Alvin
    Is that...
[11:17] Carla
    It's a door, right?
[11:19] Alvin
    I don't see any other way to go...
[11:21] Alvin
    Was this whole thing one straight line?
SIGN    Please Ring
    ↑ Bell
[11:27] Carla
    There's something like a button here.
[11:31] Alvin
    I'll bet it's another trap.
[11:33] Alvin
    It's pretty clearly dicey...
[11:36] Carla
    The law of odds does suggest it's trap.
[11:38] Alvin
    Right?
[11:39] Alvin
    What do we do?
[11:45] Carla
    Go right ahead, professional Alvin!
[11:47] Alvin
    I'm not a professional!
[11:48] Carla
    Do your usual thing!
[11:50] Alvin
    This is not my usual thing!
[11:54] Alvin
    But if you insist, I'll press it!
SIGN    S
    o
    
    e
    x
    c
    i
    t
    e
    d
SIGN    S
    o
    
    e
    x
    c
    i
    t
    e
    d
SIGN    S
    o
    
    e
    x
    c
    i
    t
    e
    d
SIGN    S
    o
    
    e
    x
    c
    i
    t
    e
    d
SIGN    S
    o
    
    e
    x
    c
    i
    t
    e
    d
[12:03] Sign
    Please Ring
    ↑ Bell
[12:03] Alvin
    Stay alert, keep a close
    eye on your surroundings.
[12:07] Alvin
    Detect dangers early, and avoid them.
[12:10] Alvin
    All right. I'll press it!
[12:12] Carla
    Right...
[12:12] Kinoko
    It's a total trap, man.
[12:15] Kinoko
    It's not safe!
[12:16] Carla
    But there's no other way to proceed.
[12:18] Kinoko
    I know, but...
[12:20] Alvin
    I'm pushing it. I'm pushing it.
[12:23] Alvin
    I'm pushing it! I really am!
[12:26] Alvin
    Don't panic if something goes wrong!
[12:28] Alvin
    But where's the trap going to come from?
[12:30] Alvin
    From above? From below?
[12:31] Alvin
    From the right? From the left?
[12:33] Alvin
    Even from behind?!
[12:34] Alvin
    Come on, you guys!
[12:36] Alvin
    But... we don't know that pressing this
    button will necessarily open the door.
[12:40] Alvin
    I'm just so worried that it's a trap.
[12:42] Alvin
    Perhaps I should proceed cautiously...
[12:45] Alvin
    I know! Pressing the button with my
    sword should make it a bit safer!
[12:49] Alvin
    This should keep me out
    of range of the trap!
[12:51] Alvin
    Okay! Here I go!
[12:53] Alvin
    Hey!
[13:02] Carla
    It's open.
[13:03] Alvin
    You just broke it down!
[13:05] Alvin
    And don't give me that ugly little wink!
[13:07] Carla
    Well, it turned out same way.
[13:09] Alvin
    If you ignore the property damage, sure!
[13:11] Cow
    Hey! What was that sound?
[13:15] Cow
    It sounded like someone breaking
    through a door with a tieshankao!
[13:20] Cow
    What's going on here?
SIGN    Domestic
[13:22] Cow
    The door really is broken!
[13:25] Alvin
    Something's here!
[13:26] Carla
    I-Intruder!
[13:28] Alvin
    I think we're the intruders here...
[13:31] Cow
    Are you guys... adventurers?
[13:33] Alvin
    Well... yeah.
[13:35] Cow
    I knew it!
[13:36] Cow
    Well, don't just stand around all day!
[13:39] Cow
    Come on in!
[13:41] Alvin
    Hey... he's acting like the welcome wagon.
[13:44] Alvin
    Could this be a trap, too?
[13:45] Carla
    Let's just play along for now.
[13:47] Carla
    Even if it's a trap, it's designed for
    beginners, so anyone who fell for it would...
[13:52] Carla
    Whoops.
[13:53] Alvin
    Hey.
[13:54] Cow
    Come on in! Don't be shy!
[13:57] Alvin
    Out with it already!
[13:59] Carla
    I'd rather not.
[14:00] Cow
    Come on! Right this way!
[14:09] Cow
    Go on! Have yourselves a seat!
[14:12] Alvin
    R-Right...
[14:19] Cow
    It's not much, but...
[14:20] Alvin
    O-Of course. Thank you.
[14:23] Alvin
    Could it be... poison?!
[14:26] Alvin
    She already drank it!
[14:28] Carla
    It's cold! And super gross!
[14:30] Alvin
    Don't just say that!
[14:32] Cow
    I-I'm sorry!
[14:34] Cow
    I'll brew up a new batch right away!
SIGN    Cow
SIGN    Hospitality
[14:36] Sign
    Fashion
[14:36] Sign
    Weight
[14:37] Alvin
    He's way too hospitable!
[14:40] Alvin
    Anyway, who exactly are you?
[14:43] Cow
    Snort!
[14:45] Cow
    I am this dungeon's master!
[14:48] Cow
    You've strayed too far into
    my lair, foolish adventurer!
[14:53] Alvin
    I think it's a bit late for that.
[14:56] Alvin
    And you should probably
    find a better outfit.
SIGN    Domestic
[14:59] Cow
    Well, even if you are a beginner,
[15:01] Cow
    nobody would ever spring those
    ridiculously basic traps...
[15:08] Cow
    Hang on a minute.
[15:09] Cow
    Did you spring the traps?
[15:12] Alvin
    Ack.
[15:15] Cow
    That's hilarious!
[15:17] Cow
    I can't believe an adventurer fell
    for those lame, little traps!
[15:21] Cow
    Even for a beginner, that's just...
[15:25] Carla
    What's so funny about that?
[15:27] Carla
    We lost people to those traps!
[15:30] Alvin
    Could you please not make
    it sound like I died?
[15:32] Cow
    I-It can't be...
[15:35] Cow
    My perfect safety record... shattered!
[15:40] Alvin
    Hey! I'm alive!
[15:42] Cow
    What have I done?!
[15:46] Carla
    At least you recognize the
    wrongness of your actions.
[15:50] Cow
    I didn't mean to kill anybody!
[15:52] Cow
    Moo!
[15:54] Alvin
    You're a monster! At least,
    have the guts to kill someone!
[15:58] Carla
    Everyone makes mistakes.
[16:01] Carla
    What's important is finding a way to atone.
[16:04] Carla
    You can find that way now.
[16:06] Alvin
    Are you shaking him down, holy woman?
[16:08] Cow
    I understand.
[16:10] Cow
    Wait just a moment.
[16:12] Cow
    Although I'm afraid... this is all I have.
[16:17] Cow
    Business has been so bad...
[16:18] Carla
    Well, better than nothing.
[16:23] Carla
    A coin pendant?
[16:25] Alvin
    A magic item?!
[16:27] Cow
    No, it's a souvenir we give out to visitors.
[16:32] Carla
    It looks just like an
    ordinary pendant to me.
[16:35] Carla
    But what if...
[16:36] Alvin
    What is it?
[16:37] Carla
    It's garbage! Completely undesirable!
[16:39] Alvin
    At least try to be nice!
[16:47] Kinoko
    Well, does everyone have their drink?
SIGN    M
    V
    P
[16:52] Kinoko
    Then, a toast to the Carla Party's
    conquest of the dungeon!
[16:58] Kinoko
    Cheers!
[17:01] Kinoko
    Great work today, everyone!
[17:05] Alvin
    Hang on a minute!
[17:07] Alvin
    This can't be right!
[17:08] Alvin
    Why are we having a friendly
    drink with monsters?
[17:11] Alvin
    And why didn't I get a drink of my own?!
[17:14] Alvin
    And this seems like a good time to ask...
[17:17] Alvin
    Exactly how long are you
    going to tag along with us?
[17:20] Alvin
    And if you're the dungeon's master,
    shouldn't you, at least, try to be scary?
[17:24] Cow
    I'll serve the salad.
[17:25] Alvin
    This is no time to be serving salad!
[17:27] Carla
    Let's let our hair down.
[17:30] Carla
    Alvin-san, would you
    please rub my shoulders?
[17:32] Alvin
    You're a tyrant!
[17:33] Carla
    Alvin-san.
[17:35] Alvin
    What now?!
[17:36] Carla
    You've gotten too excited.
[17:37] Carla
    It's not knights.
[17:39] Alvin
    I'm angry!
[17:40] Alvin
    And you're the one who's too excited!
[17:42] Alvin
    What's with that outfit?
    Is it your birthday?
[17:46] Carla
    I think you're the one with the
    strange outfit, Alvin-san.
[17:49] Carla
    Did you think this was a
    warrior costume party?
[17:51] Alvin
    It's my usual outfit!
[17:54] Carla
    But I understand why you're so excited.
[17:58] Carla
    This is my first dungeon
    clear as an adventurer, too.
[18:02] Alvin
    It's your first, too?
[18:04] Carla
    Yes.
[18:07] Carla
    It's not cold!
[18:09] Alvin
    I see now.
[18:11] Alvin
    Given her personality and all,
[18:12] Alvin
    she probably gets kicked out
    of any party she joins.
[18:15] Alvin
    Maybe that's why she's indulging
    in that silly outfit.
[18:18] Alvin
    I've been turned down from various parties
    for not being good enough, myself.
[18:23] (Flashback) Alvin
    Excuse me! Do you think I could join—
[18:25] (Flashback) Adventurer 1
    Sorry. I need a little higher level...
[18:28] (Flashback) Adventurer 2
    Look at that! A veteran rookie!
[18:32] Kinoko
    Sounds like...
[18:33] Kinoko
    You two beating your first dungeon
    is an event worth celebrating.
[18:38] Kinoko
    A red-letter day!
[18:39] Alvin
    Well, I'm not sure I'd say
    we beat it, exactly...
[18:43] Carla
    A red-letter day...
[18:45] Carla
    A red-letter day for our party.
[18:50] Alvin
    What is this? Are you happy?
[18:53] Carla
    No, I feel perfectly normal!
[18:56] Alvin
    Did I nail it? Are you blushing?!
[19:02] Carla
    You got a problem? I'll send you to hell!
[19:04] Alvin
    She's dangerous, even when she's blushing.
[19:07] Alvin
    Well, since we both did something
    worth celebrating...
[19:10] Alvin
    Here.
[19:12] Carla
    What is it?
[19:13] Alvin
    You don't know what it means?
[19:14] Alvin
    It's a high five.
[19:16] Alvin
    When a party accomplishes
    something together,
[19:18] Alvin
    it's just what they do.
[19:20] Carla
    When a party accomplishes something...
[19:23] Carla
    Yeah, big doubts!
[19:26] Carla
    Your assertion that you
    know things parties do
[19:29] Carla
    contradicts your earlier statement
    that you've never been in a party.
[19:32] Carla
    It's fishy!
[19:32] Alvin
    It's not fishy!
[19:34] Carla
    I think your true objective is...
[19:36] Carla
    to use a high five as an excuse to touch me!
[19:40] Alvin
    Yeah, yeah.
[19:42] Alvin
    I'm okay with not doing
    it if you don't want to.
[19:47] Carla
    Well, we are a party, after all.
[19:51] Carla
    I suppose I can allow you one little touch.
[19:54] Alvin
    This girl is a serious pain in my ass.
[19:57] Alvin
    Okay, fine.
[19:59] Alvin
    Here.
[20:00] Carla
    I-If you insist...
[20:03] Carla
    Then, to our first dungeon clear...
[20:06] Alvin
    Good grief. Sheesh.
[20:08] Alvin
    She's over the moon!
[20:11] Carla
    Well done!
[20:18] Cow
    Thank you for clearing our dungeon!
[20:22] Eyeball
    Thanks for coming!
[20:24] Kinoko
    The food was so good!
[20:26] Kinoko
    We loved it!
[20:27] Kinoko
    It's been a blast!
[20:29] Both
    Have a good day!
[20:33] Eyeball
    What an entertaining party.
[20:35] Cow
    I'd better get on fixing that door.
[20:38] Alvin
    How long are you gonna wear that getup?
[20:42] Carla
    Cow-san gave it to me for the occasion.
[20:44] Carla
    It would be rude to remove
    it while he's watching.
[20:47] Alvin
    You care about rudeness?
[20:49] Carla
    Yes.
[20:51] Kinoko
    By the way, Alvin...
[20:53] Alvin
    What is it?
[20:54] Kinoko
    He told me that button in
    the dungeon wasn't a trap.
[20:57] Kinoko
    It was just a doorbell.
[20:59] Alvin
    Was it?
[21:01] Alvin
    Makes sense, for a beginner's dungeon...
[21:04] Alvin
    Well, it's getting late.
[21:06] Alvin
    I'd like to reach an inn
    before it gets dark.
[21:09] Alvin
    Right, Carla?
[21:10] Carla
    Wh-Wh-What are you talking about?
[21:13] Alvin
    I was saying, we could get to an inn...
[21:14] Carla
    Yes, of course, an inn!
[21:15] Carla
    Yes, let us proceed!
[21:17] Alvin
    Excuse me. Carla-san?
[21:19] Alvin
    You're acting weird.
[21:20] Carla
    W-Weird?
[21:21] Carla
    I don't like being called
    strange by funny-types.
[21:24] Alvin
    Do you mean funny as in amusing?
[21:26] Alvin
    Or deviant?
[21:28] Carla
    Deviant.
[21:29] Alvin
    What?!
[21:32] Carla
    Eh? Kinoko-san is gone.
[21:35] Alvin
    Really?
[21:36] Alvin
    Well, he'll catch up soon enough.
[21:37] Carla
    I'm sure he will.
[21:40] Carla
    And that spares us paying for his room.
[21:42] Alvin
    You're one stone-hearted holy woman.
[21:44] Carla
    I'm just worried about
    your wallet, Alvin-san.
[21:47] Alvin
    Why do you assume I'm poor?!
SIGN    Where am I?
SIGN    Next Time
[23:25] Carla
    Next episode's title is...
[23:27] Carla
    "The owner of the inn they
    visit seems very nice,
[23:29] Carla
    but Carla accidentally forces him
    to reveal a surprising true form
[23:33] Carla
    and then an old lady
    they happen to meet
[23:35] Carla
    on the road also reveals
    an unexpected side
[23:36] Carla
    and this confirms once again that..."
SIGN    See you then!
SIGN    "The owner of the inn they visit seems very nice,
    but Carla accidentally forces him to reveal a surprising true
    form and then an old lady they happen to meet on the road
    also reveals an unexpected side and this confirms
    once again that there are monsters in this world that
    disguise themselves as humans but by the way the
    name of the inn is "Stay! Burin" and some of you might not
    know where that name comes from but it's from a pretty
    famous show so if you know it you're definitely wallowing
    in nostalgia right now and that's the deal with episode 5."
[23:38] Carla
    Is it possible for anyone to say all this?

Season 1

E5 - The owner of the inn they visit seems very nice, but...

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:02] Alvin
    Monsters threaten human life.
[00:05] Alvin
    They are opposed by brave adventurers!
[00:10] Alvin
    And I, Alvin, am one of them!
[00:15] Alvin
    Now in a party with Carla, the healer,
[00:18] Alvin
    my journey continues!
SIGN    Don't Hurt Me,
SIGN    Don't Hurt Me,
SIGN    My Healer!
SIGN    The owner of the inn they visit seems very nice, but...
SIGN    Inn Stay! Burin
[01:56] Alvin
    Excuse me.
[01:57] Alvin
    We'd like a room for the night.
[01:59] Orc
    Oink.
[02:00] Orc
    Welcome to Stay! Burin.
[02:02] Alvin
    That's a wonderful name for an inn.
[02:04] Orc
    Oink. Thank you very much.
[02:07] Orc
    How many in your party?
[02:08] Alvin
    Just me and one wannabe goblin.
[02:13] Carla
    I don't want to stay in a pigsty—
[02:15] Alvin
    It's an inn.
[02:16] Carla
    But it really looks like—
[02:17] Alvin
    It's all people here.
[02:19] Carla
    But he keeps saying "oink."
[02:20] Alvin
    Drop it.
[02:21] Orc
    What was that she said?
[02:23] Alvin
    Oh, ignore her.
[02:25] Alvin
    It's just goblin nonsense.
[02:27] Orc
    Oh, would you like me to prepare
    your dinner for the night?
[02:32] Orc
    I do a bit of cooking on the side!
[02:36] Carla
    Or maybe it's a butcher's shop?
[02:37] Alvin
    It's an inn.
[02:39] Alvin
    What's on the menu for tonight?
[02:41] Orc
    Tonkatsu!
[02:44] Alvin
    That's... deep-fried pork?
[02:46] Orc
    Oink.
[02:48] Carla
    Is tonkatsu tastier when you murder
    your own kind to make it?!
[02:52] Carla
    It's ton-conscionable!
[02:53] Alvin
    Will you just...
[02:55] Alvin
    You can't say that to his face!
[02:56] Alvin
    Your rudeness is off the charts today!
[02:59] Carla
    But you were thinking the same thing I was!
[03:02] Carla
    It's pathetic to act like you
    have the moral high ground!
[03:05] Carla
    And I have never spoken
    anything but the truth!
[03:08] Alvin
    I already know that's a bald-faced lie—
[03:10] Alvin
    And what's with those moves?!
[03:13] Carla
    I got motion-sick.
[03:13] Alvin
    I wish you'd spit up your evil soul.
[03:16] Carla
    You really didn't notice?
[03:18] Carla
    I wonder if that ugly...
[03:20] Carla
    I mean, unique helmet of yours has
    a curse to reduce your perception.
[03:25] Alvin
    What are you talking about?
[03:26] Carla
    I'm saying, that pig is not human!
[03:30] Alvin
    Everyone knows that pigs aren't human.
[03:32] Carla
    But that's what I'm—
[03:34] Carla
    Oh, eternal darkness!
[03:36] Orc
    Hey.
[03:39] Orc
    Are you calling me a pig?
[03:41] Alvin
    See? He's mad!
[03:43] Alvin
    You've got him enraged!
[03:44] Carla
    Did you say he's a Landrace?
[03:46] Alvin
    Are you just hungry or something?
[03:48] Orc
    You mock me...
[03:50] Alvin
    Wh-What's he doing?
[03:52] Carla
    He's shown his true self.
[03:54] Orc
    Very well...
[03:56] Orc
    You'll see what kind of pig I am...
[03:58] Orc
    at the cost of your lives!
[04:01] Alvin
    A monster!
[04:02] Carla
    Please, be careful!
[04:03] Carla
    Dark elves find his breed of
    monster particularly detestable!
[04:06] Alvin
    Seems irrelevant, since you're a goblin!
[04:08] Orc
    Oink!
[04:11] Orc
    How dare you say that?!
[04:14] Alvin
    He was disguised as a human?
[04:17] Alvin
    Maybe he's a tanuki?
[04:19] Orc
    Bah! A pox on you all!
[04:21] Orc
    You'll pay for calling me a pig!
[04:23] Orc
    I am a proud member of the orc race! Oink!
[04:27] Alvin
    His true face is incredible!
[04:28] Carla
    Hang on a minute!
[04:30] Carla
    I just realized something outrageous!
[04:32] Carla
    I must be an angel, to have
    noticed something like this!
[04:35] Alvin
    Did you? That's great.
[04:36] Alvin
    But I suspect your realization
    will further complicate things,
[04:38] Alvin
    so could you keep it to yourself?
[04:40] Carla
    I assumed the innkeeper was a pig, but...
[04:42] Alvin
    Yeah, just can't keep anything to herself.
[04:45] Carla
    But he said, "Baa" just now!
[04:47] Carla
    That suggests he's not a pig, but a sheep!
[04:49] Carla
    He had me fooled...
    I was so sure he was a pig!
[04:53] Orc
    Actually, I'm an orc!
[04:54] Orc
    Oink! Oink!
[04:56] Alvin
    You heard the man.
[04:57] Carla
    But he said "Baa" earlier!
[04:59] Orc
    I said "Bah," not "Baa"!
[05:02] Carla
    What? So you are a pig?
[05:04] Orc
    I'm not a pig! I'm an orc!
[05:07] Carla
    A pork? That's still a pig.
[05:09] Orc
    Bah! I'm an orc! An orc!
[05:11] Carla
    He said, "Baa" again! He's a total sheep!
[05:14] Orc
    It's not that kind of "Bah"!
[05:16] Orc
    Oh, give me a break! Ugh!
[05:18] Carla
    "Ook"? You're a monkey now?
[05:20] Carla
    That's a bit of a stretch!
[05:21] Carla
    I'm not sure how you expect
    us to believe that!
[05:23] Orc
    Shut up!
[05:24] Orc
    You can't taunt an orc
    and get off scot-free!
[05:27] Carla
    How much for a room, then?
[05:29] Orc
    Oh, a room for two?
[05:30] Orc
    No, screw that!
[05:31] Orc
    You're gonna have to fight me! One-on-one!
[05:33] Alvin
    Hang on a minute!
[05:34] Alvin
    I know she picked this fight all on her own,
[05:36] Alvin
    but a duel seems a bit much...
[05:38] Carla
    Very well.
[05:39] Orc
    All right, you're on!
[05:41] Orc
    If you win, you can call me a pig,
    a sheep, or anything you want!
[05:45] Carla
    Very well.
[05:47] Carla
    And if I lose, I will also
    treat you like a pig.
[05:51] Carla
    That seems only fair.
[05:52] Alvin
    You're ruthless.
[05:53] Orc
    That's ridiculous!
[05:55] Orc
    It means you're treating me like
    a pig whether I win or lose!
[05:58] Carla
    Then, let us begin!
[05:59] Orc
    Hang on a minute! We
    aren't finished talking!
[06:01] Carla
    First comes...
[06:02] Orc
    And we're doing rock-paper-scissors?!
[06:04] Carla
    Pork!
[06:08] Alvin
    That's a joke on "Rock" and "Pork," I think.
[06:11] Orc
    I mean, I got that...
[06:13] Orc
    I've just taken so much abuse today,
    it's hard to have the appropriate reaction.
[06:17] Alvin
    Hey, no need to spare her feelings.
[06:19] Alvin
    Just say she bombed—
[06:21] Alvin
    What is it?
[06:22] Carla
    I s-suddenly feel feverish!
[06:25] Carla
    It's e-explosive damage.
[06:27] Alvin
    "Bombed" means your joke didn't land.
[06:29] Carla
    Should I ask you to kill me?
[06:31] Orc
    The fool completely imploded!
[06:34] Orc
    But she seems like the type that
    never learns until she suffers,
[06:36] Orc
    so I guess it serves her right!
[06:38] Alvin
    I'm with you there.
[06:39] Alvin
    But... technically, it is
    my job to protect her!
[06:43] Alvin
    I won't allow you to harm her!
[06:45] Alvin
    Always wanted to say something like that!
[06:48] Orc
    Then I'll have to flatten you, as well!
[06:51] Orc
    Jump!
[06:52] Alvin
    Jump—
[06:53] Orc
    Hecaton Press!
[06:55] Both
    Such a short jump...
[06:56] Orc
    Oink!
[06:58] Alvin
    What's wrong?
[07:00] Orc
    I think I broke my leg on the landing.
[07:03] Alvin
    Lose some weight?
[07:05] Alvin
    Can you cast a healing spell on him?
[07:06] Alvin
    I seriously can't watch this...
[07:08] Carla
    I don't know any spells that
    work on flightless pigs.
[07:12] Carla
    I could put him out of his misery, though.
[07:14] Alvin
    You sure about that?
    You could get on his good side.
[07:17] Carla
    Don't move!
[07:18] Carla
    I'll cast a healing spell on you now!
[07:21] Alvin
    Though I doubt there's anything you
    can do to get on his good side now...
[07:24] Orc
    Oink...
[07:25] Orc
    Y-You would save me?
[07:27] Orc
    But why?
[07:28] Carla
    Does one need a reason to
    save another from suffering?
[07:33] Alvin
    Just don't go charging him afterwards, okay?
[07:38] Alvin
    At least try to deny it?
[07:40] Orc
    Oink. O, Holy Woman!
[07:42] Alvin
    I think he's got brain damage.
[07:44] Carla
    Oh, you flatterer. I hear that all the time!
[07:46] Alvin
    And she's even worse!
[07:48] Carla
    But first, Mr. Innkeeper...
[07:50] Carla
    I do have a question for you.
[07:52] Carla
    It's about the travelers and adventurers
    who have stayed at your inn before us.
[07:56] Alvin
    Oh, that's right.
[07:58] Alvin
    The only reason an orc would go out of his way
    to disguise himself as human and run an inn...
[08:03] Alvin
    Can it be...?!
[08:04] Orc
    Oink.
[08:05] Orc
    I guess the pig is up.
[08:07] Carla
    You work for a slaughterhouse?
[08:09] Orc
    I'm in the presence of a holy woman,
    so it's high time to confess my sin.
[08:13] Orc
    As you intuited,
[08:14] Orc
    travelers, adventurers, and merchants would
    come by my inn, and I'd orchestrate their stays.
[08:19] Carla
    More like... orchestrate.
[08:20] Orc
    Tired from their long travels,
[08:23] Orc
    they'd go to their rooms, rest,
    and let down their guard...
[08:28] Alvin
    Can it be...
[08:29] Orc
    That's right.
[08:30] Orc
    I'd take advantage of their vulnerable
    state and add it to their food!
[08:34] Alvin
    Poison?!
[08:34] Orc
    A secret orcish elixir of
    nutrition and stamina!
[08:38] Alvin
    Nutrition... what?
[08:40] Alvin
    That's not what I was expecting.
[08:41] Orc
    But it was a double-edged sword...
[08:43] Orc
    If I got the dose even slightly off,
    it put them in a state of total exhaustion!
[08:47] Orc
    I just wanted my customers to feel
    nice after a stay at my inn...
[08:54] Orc
    But one little mistake,
    and all my best intentions backfired!
[08:59] Alvin
    Well, it's important to
    follow dosing instructions!
[09:01] Orc
    I'm a true swine who put
    his customers in danger!
[09:04] Orc
    What's wrong with me?
[09:05] Alvin
    Hang on a minute.
[09:06] Alvin
    Hey, Carla.
[09:08] Alvin
    I think he might be a good guy after all!
[09:10] Alvin
    You think we're the bad
    guys for upsetting him?
[09:14] Carla
    I see.
[09:16] Carla
    Then there's no two ways about it...
[09:19] Carla
    Guilty!
[09:20] Alvin
    Just that one way, huh?
[09:21] Orc
    Oink! Please forgive me!
[09:31] Carla
    Alvin-san!
[09:33] Carla
    Are you going to sell me to slavers?
[09:35] Alvin
    What have the slavers done to deserve that?
[09:37] Alvin
    We're on a guild quest to
    collect medicinal herbs.
[09:41] Carla
    I see...
[09:42] Carla
    By the way, Alvin-san.
[09:44] Alvin
    Yes?
[09:45] Carla
    Could you try to drag the
    cart a little smoother?
[09:48] Carla
    I'm motion-sick.
[09:49] Alvin
    You don't have to ride in it!
[09:51] Alvin
    What even made you think it was
    okay to get in the cart—
[09:53] Carla
    Alvin-san. Someone's here.
[09:56] Alvin
    A traveler?
[09:57] Alvin
    No, an old woman?
[09:59] Carla
    Do you think she's not feeling well?
[10:01] Alvin
    Let's talk to her.
[10:03] Carla
    You're not going to make her
    pull the cart, are you?!
[10:06] Alvin
    Why was that your assumption?!
[10:08] Carla
    Are you going to hit on her, then?
[10:11] Alvin
    Don't make me say it again!
[10:13] Alvin
    Excuse me.
[10:15] Alvin
    Are you all right?
[10:16] Alvin
    Are you under the weather?
[10:17] Carla
    Hey, hey, hey!
[10:18] Carla
    Got time to kill, girl?
[10:20] Carla
    Wanna hang with us?
[10:21] Alvin
    Don't hit on her!
[10:23] Witch
    It's so nice to see young
    folk with so much energy.
[10:26] Witch
    I'm just resting these old bones.
[10:28] Alvin
    But this place is infested with monsters!
[10:30] Alvin
    We could take you home, if you like.
[10:32] Witch
    It wouldn't be too much trouble?
[10:34] Carla
    You use honeyed words to get
    close to women in trouble,
[10:38] Carla
    then cleverly steer the conversation
    into going home with them...
[10:41] Carla
    You're a true pick-up artist.
    And well-practiced, at that...
[10:44] Alvin
    Phrasing, please!
[10:45] Carla
    Yet you've never had a
    girlfriend! Mysterious!
[10:47] Alvin
    Just butt out already!
[10:48] Witch
    Well, at your kind insistence...
[10:53] Witch
    Ho ho ho! The fool doesn't even
    realize I'm actually a witch!
[10:57] Witch
    And I've been needing the
    bowels of a man for my brew!
[11:02] Alvin
    You can walk.
[11:03] Carla
    That's a flag for a piggyback ride!
[11:05] Witch
    And that one's a dark elf!
[11:08] Witch
    An extremely rare, high-quality ingredient!
[11:11] Witch
    I can't let her get away!
[11:13] Witch
    Oh, young man...
[11:15] Witch
    I'll let you have this.
[11:17] Alvin
    What is it?
[11:18] Witch
    A homemade stamina potion.
[11:21] Witch
    I'd meant to drink it later,
[11:23] Witch
    but I'll give it to you instead.
[11:26] Alvin
    That's so kind of you!
[11:27] Witch
    What a great fool!
[11:29] Witch
    That's a deadly poison!
[11:31] Witch
    And once I neutralize the man,
    the woman will be easily—
[11:35] Alvin
    What the...
[11:36] Carla
    What is it?
[11:38] Alvin
    I'm having a hard time
    getting a grip on the cork.
[11:41] Carla
    Oh, come on.
    It's because of that ridiculous outfit!
[11:44] Carla
    Hand it to me. I'll open it.
[11:46] Alvin
    Thanks.
[11:47] Carla
    No problem.
[11:48] Carla
    Goodness me. How did you ever get
    along without me, Alvin-san?
[11:53] Alvin
    I don't know how I get along with you.
[12:00] Carla
    Bah!
[12:02] Both
    What?!
[12:05] Alvin
    What... What the hell did you do?!
[12:07] Carla
    G-Go on, Alvin-san!
[12:09] Carla
    Lap it up! Lap it up!
[12:10] Carla
    Like a dog!
[12:11] Alvin
    Don't be ridiculous!
[12:12] Carla
    Three-second rule!
[12:13] Alvin
    Pretty sure that doesn't apply to liquids!
[12:15] Alvin
    Just because you can't open something
    is no reason to break it!
[12:19] Carla
    That's not what it was!
[12:21] Carla
    It was um... um...
[12:24] Carla
    Oh, yes! It's poison!
[12:26] Alvin
    Poison? What?
[12:28] Alvin
    Wait, you just told me to lap it up!
[12:30] Carla
    Fool!
[12:31] Alvin
    Shut up, stupid!
[12:33] Carla
    You're simply too careless, Alvin-san!
[12:35] Carla
    Too trusting of strangers!
[12:37] Alvin
    Well...
[12:38] Carla
    Look at that sinister get-up!
[12:40] Carla
    She's clearly a witch!
[12:41] Alvin
    I mean, I won't pretend she
    doesn't look like one...
[12:44] Carla
    Though I'm not one to talk,
    bewitching as I am...
[12:47] Alvin
    I'd argue that one!
[12:48] Witch
    Do you have any proof that I'm a witch?
[12:51] Carla
    Proof, you say?
[12:53] Carla
    Let me see!
[12:54] Carla
    I can get that by beating you up
[12:56] Carla
    then making up whatever story I want!
[12:58] Alvin
    That's messed up!
[12:59] Alvin
    But I suppose... it is a bit dangerous
    to trust a total stranger?
[13:04] Witch
    Oh, no! My precious ingredients...
[13:07] Witch
    Oh, the sorrow!
[13:09] Witch
    I'd hoped to treat you to my fine home
    cooking when we arrived at my house.
[13:14] Witch
    My son died in an epidemic,
[13:16] Witch
    and I outlived my husband,
    so now I live all alone...
[13:19] Witch
    To receive kindness after so long, I was
    simply so happy, I wanted to thank you!
[13:25] Carla
    Honestly. It's no use trying
    to earn our pity now.
[13:28] Carla
    We'd never believe such a ridiculous story.
[13:31] Witch
    Tch. I should've known it wouldn't work...
[13:34] Carla
    However, I do happen to
    be very hungry right now!
[13:37] Alvin
    Now, hop aboard!
[13:39] Alvin
    And after we get you home, you can
    pay us back with home cooking!
[13:42] Witch
    Too easy.
[13:49] Witch
    This here is my home.
[13:53] Carla
    Thanks for having us!
[13:55] Carla
    So many books!
[13:57] Carla
    I bet the place would burn real good!
[14:00] Alvin
    Plotting your next crime, huh?
[14:02] Witch
    Have a seat wherever you like.
[14:04] Witch
    I'll prepare drinks for you all.
[14:06] Alvin
    Oh, thanks.
[14:08] Carla
    Time to rest these old bones.
[14:13] Carla
    I'll have one from the tap!
[14:15] Alvin
    What are you, an old man?
[14:16] Alvin
    And what tap, exactly?
[14:18] Carla
    A tap on a fruit. For the juice.
[14:20] Witch
    What an irritating bunch of children.
[14:23] Witch
    But, no matter.
[14:24] Witch
    This anesthetic-infused herbal tea
    will make them nice and pliable!
[14:30] Witch
    Here you are. Herbal tea.
[14:32] Carla
    Is it made from "legal" herbs?
[14:34] Alvin
    Your own legality is questionable!
[14:36] Alvin
    I'm sorry.
    She really likes to run her mouth.
[14:39] Witch
    It's good to see young people
    with so much energy.
[14:41] Witch
    Here. Your herbal tea.
[14:43] Alvin
    Oh, that's right.
[14:45] Alvin
    Let's drink!
[14:50] Alvin
    Are you okay?!
[14:51] Witch
    Oh, quite all right...
[14:53] Witch
    Though it did get on my clothing...
[14:55] Alvin
    And... are you okay?
[14:58] Carla
    Well... I was just thinking
    I'd like to lie down!
[15:02] Alvin
    Could you not shout, maybe?
[15:03] Carla
    I was also thinking I'd
    like to read some books!
[15:06] Alvin
    Would you clean them up already?
[15:07] Alvin
    You go and get changed, ma'am.
[15:09] Alvin
    I'll clean up here.
[15:12] Witch
    Thank you. You'll find the cleaning
    supplies right over there.
[15:15] Witch
    Tch. He's a lucky little rat.
[15:17] Carla
    Alvin-san, there's a rag right here.
[15:20] Alvin
    Oh, thanks.
[15:21] Alvin
    Hey, that's my mantle!
[15:23] Alvin
    Quit messing around!
[15:24] Witch
    I know. I'll try that!
[15:27] Alvin
    All right, get cleaning already.
[15:30] Carla
    Let's clean the room while we're at it.
[15:32] Carla
    It's really dusty and stuff.
[15:34] Alvin
    I never thought I'd hear you
    offer to do something nice.
[15:38] Carla
    Well, she lives by herself, so it's
    probably hard to keep the place clean...
[15:42] Alvin
    What's going on with her?
[15:44] Alvin
    She's being completely decent, for once!
[15:46] Carla
    And if I swiped a couple books in
    the meantime, who would notice?
[15:50] Alvin
    Yeah, what else did I expect?
[15:52] Witch
    Now, what are we doing?
[15:54] Alvin
    I figured we'd do some cleaning.
[15:56] Witch
    Why, thank you!
[15:58] Alvin
    What is that, ma'am?
[15:59] Witch
    It's called an aromatic candle.
[16:02] Witch
    It puts out a fragrance that calms the soul!
[16:05] Witch
    I have visitors so rarely...
[16:07] Witch
    I was hoping it might help you relax!
[16:10] Witch
    In fact, it has a sedative effect!
[16:12] Witch
    I drank an antidote in
    advance, so I'll be fine.
[16:15] Witch
    But if they breathe it in
    for ten minutes straight,
[16:18] Witch
    an unavoidable drowsiness
    will overtake them and—
[16:21] Carla
    Fire safety first!
[16:26] Carla
    Oh...
[16:28] Carla
    Wh-What would you have done if
    the books had caught fire?!
[16:31] Alvin
    At least warn someone before you do that!
[16:34] Alvin
    I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
[16:36] Alvin
    I feel like I'm doing nothing
    but apologizing today!
[16:38] Carla
    I'm sorry for being so
    dedicated to fire safety!
[16:41] Alvin
    I'm sorry I failed to prevent
    this walking natural disaster!
[16:44] Witch
    I suppose I'll get changed again.
[16:46] Alvin
    Oh? R-Right...
[16:48] Carla
    Thank goodness! She wasn't angry!
[16:50] Alvin
    Like we'd get that lucky!
[16:52] Alvin
    I think she's so far past
    anger she can't even yell!
[16:55] Alvin
    Let's clean up fast!
[16:57] Alvin
    When she gets back, we'll kneel before
    her, apologize, and be on our way!
[17:00] Carla
    What?
[17:01] Carla
    I thought we were going to sit around the table,
    sharing fun stories and eating her cooking!
[17:05] Alvin
    You expect polite conversation
    in this frigid atmosphere?!
[17:08] Witch
    What's all the hubbub here?
[17:11] Alvin
    Ma'am, you're back already...
[17:12] Witch
    I did promise to treat you to
    my home cooking, after all...
[17:16] Alvin
    Actually, I was thinking
    we'd be on our way...
[17:20] Witch
    Just eat already!
[17:22] Alvin
    She's totally pissed!
[17:24] Alvin
    And what the heck is that?
[17:25] Alvin
    She's totally here to kill us!
[17:27] Carla
    That looks gross.
[17:29] Carla
    Wish I hadn't gotten my hopes up.
[17:31] Alvin
    And she keeps making everything worse!
[17:34] Carla
    Would you like me to cast a
    spell to make it taste better?
[17:37] Witch
    Eh?
[17:37] Carla
    Let's see...
[17:39] Carla
    I believe the chant goes like...
[17:41] Carla
    Become delicious! Moe, moe...
[17:44] Carla
    ...Blast!
[17:52] Witch
    Just get out!
[18:00] Witch
    What in the world are you doing?
[18:04] Witch
    I just told you to leave!
[18:07] Witch
    What are you doing in here?
[18:09] Carla
    Isn't it obvious?
[18:11] Carla
    I'm cooking something up.
[18:13] Alvin
    It sounds like you meant
    that in a different way!
[18:15] Carla
    We had a set of bad breaks,
[18:17] Carla
    and then I went and blew away your meal.
[18:20] Carla
    And so, as atonement...
[18:23] Carla
    I will be cooking...
[18:25] Carla
    With components!
[18:27] Alvin
    Oh, shut up.
[18:28] Witch
    Is there any way I can say no to this?
[18:29] Carla
    No!
[18:30] Alvin
    Carla, have you ever cooked before?
[18:33] Carla
    No!
[18:34] Alvin
    Yeah, I figured.
[18:35] Carla
    But I have eaten before!
[18:37] Alvin
    Yeah, I figured!
[18:39] Witch
    Do as you wish.
[18:40] Witch
    The ingredients are in
    the storehouse out back.
[18:43] Carla
    Thank you very much!
[18:46] Alvin
    Are you sure about this?
[18:48] Witch
    Yes... It's clear she won't listen,
    no matter what I say.
[18:52] Witch
    But the sooner I let her do what she
    wants, the sooner she'll leave.
[18:56] Alvin
    Assuming we survive that long!
[18:58] Carla
    Sorry for the wait!
[19:00] Carla
    It's amazing, Alvin-san!
[19:02] Carla
    She had so many ingredients
    I've never seen before!
[19:05] Alvin
    I've seen that one before!
[19:07] Alvin
    Where have you been?!
[19:09] Kinoko
    Well, after we left that beginner dungeon,
    I went chasing a butterfly, and got lost!
[19:15] Alvin
    Hey, Carla!
[19:16] Alvin
    You're not planning on
    cooking with him, are you?
[19:19] Carla
    Oh, no. Not today.
[19:21] Alvin
    Not ever, please!
[19:23] Alvin
    So, what are you going to make?
[19:25] Carla
    I'll make myself a legend!
[19:26] Alvin
    That's one legend no one will hand down!
[19:29] Alvin
    Heave ho!
[19:31] Kinoko
    Hands to yourself, please.
[19:31] Alvin
    Heave ho!
[19:33] Carla
    Step right this way, ma'am!
[19:36] Carla
    Just stand here and don't move.
[19:38] Witch
    What's this? I thought you were cooking...
[19:41] Carla
    Emergency Ratio—
[19:43] Carla
    Er, Altargaia-san, please help me.
[19:45] Kinoko
    Roger-dodger!
[19:47] Carla
    Put these ingredients over here,
[19:49] Carla
    and those ingredients over there.
[19:51] Carla
    There, that should do it.
[19:53] Witch
    What exactly are you doing?
[19:56] Carla
    Cooking requires the correct preparation
    of all ingredients, right?
[19:59] Carla
    I thought I'd supplement the
    preparation with a spell.
[20:02] Alvin
    Is this going to be safe to eat?
[20:04] Carla
    No worries.
[20:06] Carla
    My cooking will be perfectly eatable. I think.
[20:20] Carla
    Yes!
[20:21] Alvin
    Don't say "Yes"!
[20:22] Alvin
    What the hell is that?!
[20:23] Alvin
    It just ate the old woman!
[20:25] Carla
    I said it would be eatable!
    You know, "able to eat"!
[20:27] Alvin
    That isn't how words work!
[20:30] Alvin
    And the only way that's cooking
    is if it's horrifrying!
[20:33] Carla
    Oh, that was good.
    "Well done," one might say.
[20:36] Alvin
    Seriously, we have to do something!
[20:39] Alvin
    Hey, did you just hear—
[20:42] Carla
    Looks like it's done.
[20:44] Alvin
    Are you all right, ma'am?!
[20:45] Alvin
    It didn't digest you, did it?
[20:48] Witch
    Where am I?
[20:54] Alvin
    Who are you?
[20:55] Carla
    It's the old woman.
[20:57] Alvin
    She sure doesn't look like an old woman!
[21:00] Carla
    I chose ingredients with
    anti-aging properties!
[21:05] Alvin
    I think that's a little much
    for food-based anti-aging!
[21:08] Kinoko
    Here.
[21:09] Witch
    Wh-Wh-What in the world has happened?!
[21:11] Witch
    How can I be young again?
    It's simply not possible!
[21:15] Witch
    A spell to restore youth... No, a ritual?
[21:18] Witch
    One way or another,
[21:19] Witch
    the ability to reverse the flow of time is
    something I've only heard of in legends!
[21:26] Witch
    Who in the world are you?!
[21:28] Carla
    Allow me to tell you.
[21:30] Carla
    Carve these words into your heart!
[21:32] Carla
    When standing, as stunning as—
[21:33] Alvin
    Stress.
[21:35] Carla
    When sitting, as striking as—
[21:35] Alvin
    Depression.
[21:37] Carla
    When walking, as arresting as—
[21:38] Alvin
    Disaster!
[21:39] Carla
    I am known as...
[21:41] Alvin
    ...according to her...
[21:42] Carla
    ...the holy woman, Carla!
[21:44] Carla
    Hey!
[21:45] Alvin
    What now?!
[21:45] Carla
    Stop riffing on everything I say!
[21:46] Witch
    They're in perfect sync.
[21:47] Alvin
    Everything I said was true!
SIGN    Next Time
[23:24] Kinoko
    I'll handle next episode's title!
[23:26] Kinoko
    Hang on, you guys can read this stuff?!
[23:29] Kinoko
    "As usual, Alvin and Carla
    have to overcome
[23:31] Kinoko
    a series of crises on their travels
[23:32] Kinoko
    like being attacked by a thief
[23:34] Kinoko
    and running into a golem until
     a certain series of events..."
SIGN    See you then!
SIGN    "As usual, Alvin and Carla have to overcome a series of crises on their
    travels like being attacked by a thief and running into a golem until
     a certain series of events leads Alvin to take massive damage and
     it's so extreme that he even has to take off his armor to recuperate
     and that becomes an opportunity for them to get in a fight and
     reevaluate their relationship a little and even though their fights
     are an important part of the show the times being what they are
     during cast auditions and ADR and such only so many people
    were allowed in the recording studio at once which is pretty
    tough to work around but everyone gave it their all to make
    the best show they could and that's the deal with episode 6."
[23:37] Kinoko
    Uh, that's the deal with episode 6!
[23:38] Kinoko
    See you next—

Season 1

E6 - As usual, Alvin and Carla have to overcome a series of crises...

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:02] Alvin
    Monsters threaten human life.
[00:05] Alvin
    They are opposed by brave adventurers!
[00:10] Alvin
    And I, Alvin, am one of them!
[00:15] Alvin
    Now in a party with Carla, the healer,
[00:18] Alvin
    my journey continues!
SIGN    Don't Hurt Me,
SIGN    Don't Hurt Me,
SIGN    My Healer!
SIGN    As usual, Alvin and Carla have to overcome a series of crises...
SIGN    What a nice old lady.
SIGN    She gave us so many medicinal herbs and provisions!
SIGN    Such generosity.
[02:01] Alvin
    Yeah, thanks to her, our guild
    quest is as good as complete.
[02:05] Alvin
    But it was pretty dicey, at first.
[02:08] Alvin
    She was so mad about all we did to her...
[02:11] (Flashback) Carla
    Fire safety first!
[02:13] (Flashback) Carla
    Blast!
[02:15] Carla
    Why did you have to make that
    old lady so angry, Alvin-san?
[02:19] Carla
    Honestly, a grown man...
[02:21] Alvin
    You're the main one she was mad at!
[02:23] Alvin
    But then your spell turned her young again,
[02:27] Alvin
    and made her so happy she cried.
[02:30] (Flashback) Witch
    I can't thank you enough, Carla-sama!
SIGN    Carla-sama
[02:32] Alvin
    She even put a damned
    "-sama" after your name.
[02:35] Alvin
    All's well that ends well, I guess.
[02:37] Alvin
    Now, let's get back to the guild
    and hand over the medicinal herbs.
[02:42] Alvin
    By the way, Carla.
[02:43] Alvin
    You're being awfully quiet.
[02:45] Alvin
    Isn't that a sign of the apocalypse?
[02:47] Carla
    Hush!
SIGN    What's up, Big Sis Carla?
[02:51] Alvin
    Oh, heck. Am I right about
    that apocalypse thing?
[02:54] Thief
    Okay, guys, nobody move!
[02:56] Thief
    If y-you dom wamma bie, wep astay
    lom the staggon en gibbe mer yunny!
[03:04] Alvin
    What now?
[03:10] Thief
    Let me try that again!
[03:12] Alvin
    Sure!
[03:13] Thief
    Awesome!
[03:15] Alvin
    Who's that?
[03:17] Carla
    I don't know.
[03:18] Carla
    She seems to be some kind of a thief.
[03:21] Thief
    I'm coming out!
[03:22] Alvin
    Right!
[03:26] Thief
    Okay, guys, nobody move!
[03:28] Thief
    If you don't wanna to die,
    step away from the wagon and—
[03:35] Alvin
    It's okay!
[03:36] Alvin
    You made it! You're good!
[03:40] Carla
    Do it again! Do it again!
[03:43] Carla
    Do it again!
[03:44] Alvin
    Stop it!
[03:45] Alvin
    Look, we got the point.
[03:47] Alvin
    You want us to give you the wagon, right?
[03:50] Alvin
    Is that it?
[03:51] Thief
    You mean, I don't have to do it again?
[03:54] Alvin
    Yeah, you're good!
[03:56] These
    Does that mean you'll give me your wagon?
[03:58] Alvin
    No freaking way.
[03:59] both
    Stingy!
SIGN    Bzzt
SIGN    Bzzt
[04:00] Alvin
    You bet I am!
[04:01] Alvin
    You think life's all about handouts?
[04:03] Alvin
    Anyway, are you supposed to be a thief?
[04:05] Alvin
    You do seem to be on your own...
[04:07] Thief
    I'm not alone.
[04:08] Thief
    I'm the oldest of four sisters!
[04:10] Alvin
    That's not what I meant.
SIGN    Okay, listen up!
[04:15] Alvin
    What is it now?
SIGN    You're not supposed to just burst out and shout!
SIGN    Everyone knows a thief is supposed to lie in wait and mount an ambush!
SIGN    And if you've got sisters, you should bring some of them to help out!
[04:27] Thief
    Actually, they're still too little...
[04:30] Alvin
    A monster, lecturing a human
    on how to ambush travelers...
[04:34] Carla
    I just got a great idea!
[04:36] Alvin
    And then the holy woman
    weighs in with advice.
[04:39] Carla
    When there are multiple
    opponents to be ambushed,
[04:41] Carla
    you should always try to
    take one of them hostage!
[04:43] Thief
    Oh!
[04:44] Carla
    And in honor of the occasion,
    I volunteer for the role!
[04:48] Thief
    Wow, really? That's so nice.
[04:50] Thief
    But do you think that warrior
    is going to play along?
[04:53] Carla
    It's okay.
[04:55] Carla
    If there's one thing he's good
    at, it's reading the mood.
[04:58] Thief
    Okay...
[05:00] Thief
    Is this good? Not too tight?
[05:02] Carla
    It's just fine.
[05:04] Carla
    Now, try threatening me to Alvin-san.
[05:07] Thief
    Hey, hey, hey! Nobody move!
[05:09] Alvin
    Drat! When did you...
[05:14] Thief
    If you value her life...
[05:18] Carla
    Whisper, whisper, whisper.
[05:19] Thief
    Show me your best one-shot gag!
[05:22] Alvin
    That's a hell of a hostage demand!
[05:25] Carla
    Have faith in yourself, Alvin-san!
[05:26] Carla
    Everything you do is funny!
[05:28] Alvin
    What's that supposed to mean?!
[05:30] Alvin
    I refuse to do this!
[05:35] Alvin
    Hey... hang on, now!
[05:36] Alvin
    Why are you sitting?
    I said, I'm not doing this!
[05:42] Alvin
    Hey, cut it out!
[05:43] Alvin
    Don't go into spectator mode!
[05:51] Both
    Alvin! Alvin!
[05:55] Both
    Alvin!
[05:55] Alvin
    Stop pushing me!
[05:57] Both
    Alvin! Alvin!
[06:01] Both
    Alvin! Alvin!
[06:04] Both
    Alvin!
[06:06] Carla
    Loser!
[06:07] Alvin
    Darn it! Just close your
    eyes and wait a minute!
[06:11] Alvin
    Don't open those eyes until I say so!
[06:13] Alvin
    And being a loser has
    nothing to do with this!
SIGN    He's doing it.
[06:17] Alvin
    My best one-shot gag...
[06:25] Alvin
    All right. It's ready.
[06:28] Alvin
    Now...
[06:29] Alvin
    Ta-da!
[06:30] Alvin
    I'm a dullahan!
[06:50] Thief
    I should probably head out.
[06:53] Carla
    Understood.
[06:54] Carla
    Just a minute.
[07:00] Carla
    Here, take this.
[07:02] Thief
    Are you sure?
[07:03] Carla
    As an apology for that terrible joke.
[07:05] Thief
    Thanks. Goodbye.
[07:08] Carla
    Take care!
[07:13] Carla
    Very impressive, Alvin-san!
[07:15] Carla
    Was that all part of your
    plan to demoralize her?
[07:20] Alvin
    Yes.
[07:41] Alvin
    Damn it...
[07:46] Alvin
    It's no use. This golem is too powerful!
[07:49] Carla
    Alvin-san!
[07:50] Alvin
    Stand back, Carla!
[07:54] Alvin
    I'll buy us time. You run—
[07:56] Carla
    No way, no way!
[07:57] Carla
    There's no way you are
    buying anyone any time!
[07:59] Carla
    There's no freaking way!
[08:01] Alvin
    You sound a little too sure about that!
[08:02] Carla
    You couldn't, even resurrected!
[08:04] Alvin
    Knock it off!
[08:05] Alvin
    Will you just let me
    serve as the vanguard—
[08:10] Alvin
    Back off, buddy! We're kind of busy here!
SIGN    Take it easy, man.
[08:18] Carla
    How many seconds do you expect to
    buy against a golem, Alvin-san?
[08:22] Carla
    Not many, I'm sure.
[08:24] Carla
    You're perpetually disadvantaged.
[08:26] Alvin
    That's a painfully convincing argument.
[08:29] Carla
    However!
[08:32] Carla
    You do have one unique advantage!
[08:35] Alvin
    What, my integrity?
[08:38] Carla
    Very funny.
[08:41] Carla
    It's me! Yay!
[08:43] Alvin
    I wish I didn't.
[08:45] Carla
    With a healer like me
    serving as your backup,
[08:48] Carla
    this golem will fall easily!
[08:50] Alvin
    Easily? Backup?
[08:53] Alvin
    You're not going to use that deadly
    enhancement spell, are you?
[09:00] Carla
    It'll be better this time.
[09:01] Carla
    I've matured a great deal since.
SIGN    Yes!
[09:05] Alvin
    You sure about that?
[09:07] Carla
    I won't stay the same forever,
    unlike someone I know.
[09:11] Alvin
    Don't point at me!
[09:13] Carla
    Now, now.
[09:14] Carla
    Golem-san is waiting.
[09:16] Carla
    I promise, I'll back you up!
[09:18] Alvin
    Are you sure about this?
[09:20] Carla
    I'll give you a nice funeral.
[09:21] Alvin
    That's not promising!
[09:24] Alvin
    If you insist.
[09:26] Carla
    Good luck!
[09:28] Alvin
    Hey, golem!
[09:31] Alvin
    I'm a man!
    I can't spend my whole life cowering!
[09:34] Carla
    Go! Fight! Alvin-san!
SIGN    Fight
SIGN    Alvin
SIGN    Alvin-san
SIGN    Alvin
SIGN    Alvin-san
SIGN    Alvin
SIGN    Alvin-san
SIGN    Go! Go!
[09:35] Alvin
    Let's finis—
SIGN    Alvin
SIGN    Alvin-san
[09:37] Carla
    Go, go, Alvin! Fight, fight, Alvin!
[09:40] Carla
    Let's go, Alvin!
[09:42] Carla
    Fight an unwinnable battle
    and learn the pecking order!
[09:46] Alvin
    Oh, shut up!
[09:47] Alvin
    Hey!
[09:48] Carla
    Well? What do you think of my new
    spell, "Cheerful Encouragement"?
[09:52] Alvin
    That sounded like heckling!
[09:54] Carla
    It filled you with determination, didn't it?
[09:56] Alvin
    It filled me with anger!
[09:58] Alvin
    Aren't you supposed to do something like...
[09:59] Alvin
    raise my attack power,
[10:01] Alvin
    raise my defense power,
[10:03] Alvin
    or something that's actually useful?
[10:05] Carla
    I see!
[10:06] Carla
    Then, I'll go into town and buy you
    an expensive sword and shield!
[10:09] Carla
    Just a minute!
[10:10] Alvin
    Not like that, damn it!
[10:11] Alvin
    Damn it! That's all wrong!
[10:13] Carla
    Oh, silly me!
[10:16] Carla
    You have to give me money first.
[10:18] Carla
    Tee-hee.
[10:19] Alvin
    It's not that!
[10:21] Alvin
    As a healer, you're supposed
    to support me with spells!
[10:23] Carla
    Actually...
[10:25] Carla
    I don't think there's an enhancement spell
    powerful enough
[10:28] Carla
    to let you beat a golem, Alvin-san.
[10:30] Alvin
    I don't even know what to say.
SIGN    Is that so?
[10:32] Alvin
    After all that talk about how easy you'd
    make it, suddenly it's impossible?
[10:39] Carla
    We have a trump card.
[10:41] Alvin
    What is it now?
[10:42] Carla
    I do think it would give
    us the victory, but...
[10:48] Alvin
    I don't know what you're so hesitant about,
SIGN    Upsy-daisy!
[10:50] Alvin
    but after all this, I'll do whatever it is!
[10:52] Alvin
    We need to work together
    to defeat that golem!
[10:56] Carla
    Alvin-san...
[10:58] Carla
    Very well.
[11:00] Alvin
    What is it?
[11:02] Carla
    We'll borrow power from
    the spirits of earth!
[11:06] Alvin
    That sounds really cool!
[11:10] Carla
    It's important to pray to them very hard.
[11:13] Carla
    Therefore, Alvin-san,
    I need you to pray with me.
[11:16] Alvin
    All right. I just have to pray, right?
[11:19] Carla
    Now, place your hands on the ground below,
[11:21] Carla
    and rest your head on the rocks.
[11:26] Carla
    I'm sorry for the long wait.
[11:28] Carla
    I...
[11:30] Carla
    There's a favor I need to
    ask you before we fight.
[11:34] Carla
    Is there any way you could be convinced
    to let our warrior here win?
[11:37] Carla
    We're begging you!
[11:39] Alvin
    She tricked me!
[11:50] Alvin
    We're almost to town.
[11:53] Carla
    I feel like something's been
    missing for a while now.
[11:56] Alvin
    He's probably off chasing butterflies again.
[12:02] Alvin
    Huh?
[12:03] Alvin
    It's the golem again!
[12:10] Alvin
    What is it?
[12:11] Alvin
    Is he trying to tell us something?
[12:14] Carla
    Wh-What did you say?!
[12:16] Alvin
    Hey, you can understand him?
[12:19] Alvin
    So? What did he say?
[12:23] Alvin
    You can't understand him?!
[12:25] Carla
    Of course I can't understand him!
    That's why I asked what he said!
[12:29] Alvin
    That's what you say when
    you can understand him!
[12:31] Alvin
    You suck at this!
[12:32] Golem
    Get off each other's backs
    and listen to me, guys!
[12:34] Alvin
    Hang on! So you can talk!
[12:37] Carla
    I'm told that the longest-lived creatures
[12:40] Carla
    have high intelligence and
    a wealth of experience.
[12:43] Alvin
    Not that line again.
[12:45] Golem
    Just follow me!
[12:47] Golem
    There's no time to lose!
[13:03] Alvin
    So, what happened to him?
[13:06] Carla
    He appears to be poisoned.
[13:09] Golem
    I think he was bitten by a venomous snake.
[13:11] Alvin
    Shouldn't a mushroom monster have
    a degree of toxin resistance?
SIGN    Unfortunately, I... I'm an edible species... of mushroom.
[13:23] Alvin
    I... see.
[13:25] Carla
    Are you all right?
[13:26] Carla
    Do you have any last words?
SIGN    Actually... couldn't you cast... an antidote spe—
[13:31] Carla
    Don't speak!
[13:33] Carla
    You'll make the poison spread faster!
[13:35] Carla
    Please, don't say it's the end!
    It's too tragic to conceive!
[13:38] Alvin
    He wasn't, though!
[13:40] Carla
    Sob, sob. I'm sure... sob, sob...
[13:44] Carla
    we'll meet again... sob, sob, sob...
[13:46] Carla
    in the next world... sob, sob, sob...
[13:49] Alvin
    Don't just give up!
[13:50] Golem
    I don't think I've ever heard a person
    say "sob, sob, sob" out loud before.
[13:53] Carla
    This is normally the part where someone
    would say such things and give up.
[13:57] Carla
    Fortunately, you happen to be with me!
[14:02] Alvin
    Are you seeing that expression
    of total despair?
[14:05] Carla
    Allow me to show you...
[14:07] Carla
    the holy power of a curative specialist!
[14:10] Alvin
    Did you say specialist, or blacklist?
[14:12] Carla
    Have you forgotten how I turned
    that old lady young again?
[14:15] Alvin
    I also remember your deadly
    enhancement spell!
[14:18] Carla
    Are you ready?!
SIGN    I'm resigned to my fate.
[14:23] Alvin
    He's prepared to die!
[14:27] Carla
    Come, rest back on this rock.
[14:31] Carla
    Now, we'll take it slow.
[14:35] Alvin
    In a moment like this...
[14:37] Carla
    It's going to be okay. Try to relax.
SIGN    Thanks...
[14:42] Alvin
    She almost looks a little
    bit like a healer...
[14:44] Carla
    I'll put you out of your misery very soon.
[14:48] Alvin
    Never mind. Her word choice
    is still pure malevolence!
[14:51] Carla
    Now, with this sacred left hand...
[15:10] Alvin
    What are you doing?!
[15:12] Alvin
    You...
[15:13] Alvin
    Why did you stick your hand into his mouth!
[15:14] Alvin
    Cut it out!
[15:16] Carla
    Why? This is the antidote spell.
[15:18] Alvin
    It's torture!
[15:19] Carla
    It's okay. I'm just trying to
    get him to expel the toxin.
[15:22] Alvin
    I hope he doesn't expel any organs!
[15:25] Carla
    There!
[15:28] Carla
    I did it! I got him to expel the poison!
[15:32] Carla
    Well? How are you feeling?
SIGN    I'm feeling... much better...
SIGN    That's a healer! I thought I was dead for a minute there!
[15:42] Carla
    Oh... no need to flatter me.
[15:45] Carla
    Calling me a "goddess of healing"
    is surely too far.
[15:48] Carla
    You're making me blush!
[15:50] Carla
    Well? Did you see that, Alvin-san?
[15:53] Carla
    I looked magnificently like a healer back—
[15:59] Carla
    Medic!
[16:04] Golem
    It's starting to come down.
[16:06] Golem
    There's a cabin nearby. Let's get him there.
[16:09] Carla
    Right.
SIGN    Thanks for all the help, Golem.
SIGN    We couldn't have gotten Alvin here without you.
SIGN    If we'd left it all up to Big Sis Carla,
SIGN    it would've taken us forever.
SIGN    I can't thank you enough!
[16:32] Golem
    Hey, no problem.
[16:34] Golem
    I'm sure you'd do the same for me.
[16:36] Golem
    But I can't go in the cabin,
    so I should really be going.
SIGN    Right.
SIGN    I'll come by to thank you pretty soon.
[16:42] Golem
    Sure. See you.
SIGN    See ya!
SIGN    Okay, I'd better get the antidote herbs.
[16:50] Carla
    Stare.
SIGN    B-Big Sis?!
[16:54] Carla
    How friendly you two are.
SIGN    I g-guess so...
[16:57] Carla
    Go fetch the wagon, won't you?
SIGN    S-Sure...
[17:01] Carla
    And give me my bag.
SIGN    Bag?
[17:08] Alvin
    What the...
[17:08] Alvin
    What happened to me?
[17:10] Alvin
    Right, the mushroom spat
    out the poison and—
[17:19] Alvin
    Where am I?
[17:23] Alvin
    It looks abandoned... but, a cabin?
[17:26] Carla
    You're awake, are you?
[17:29] Alvin
    Is that you, Carla?
[17:31] Carla
    It appears my prayers to God were answered!
[17:34] Alvin
    Evil cultist!
[17:36] Carla
    Sorry, it was actually an angel.
[17:39] Carla
    Isn't that nice?
[17:40] Alvin
    I'm sticking with "evil cultist"!
[17:42] Alvin
    And what's with that new outfit?
[17:45] Carla
    Does it suit me?
[17:47] Alvin
    It does. As an evil cultist.
[17:49] Carla
    These are my ritual robes, worn to
    ask God to make you feel better!
[17:55] Carla
    Yay!
[17:57] Alvin
    You look more like you're
    prepared to sacrifice me!
[18:00] Alvin
    What's with the mask?!
[18:02] Carla
    What a rude thing to say!
[18:03] Alvin
    But seriously...
[18:04] Carla
    God would be offended by
    a sacrifice like that.
[18:09] Carla
    I'd need something nicer,
    like a chicken, or a goat!
[18:10] Alvin
    Now I'm offended, I think.
[18:13] Carla
    I sit, sensitively.
[18:15] Alvin
    What in the world?
[18:15] Carla
    But how are you feeling?
[18:18] Alvin
    A lot better.
[18:19] Alvin
    You didn't stick your hand
    in my mouth, did you?
[18:23] Carla
    Actually, I was running low on power,
    so I couldn't use that spell.
[18:26] Carla
    I'm very sowwy.
[18:27] Alvin
    I'm glad.
[18:29] Alvin
    So, how did you remove the poison?
[18:32] Carla
    With my prayers, as I said!
[18:36] Alvin
    I guess it must not have
    been very potent poison.
[18:41] Carla
    Your face does still look a little bad.
[18:43] Alvin
    I think you mean my complexion.
[18:45] Carla
    Is that how it goes?
[18:46] Alvin
    Yes! It is!
[18:49] Carla
    Hold out your forehead!
[18:51] Alvin
    Stop that! I'm fine!
[18:54] Alvin
    I've never had my temperature
    checked with an iron claw before.
[18:58] Carla
    You do still appear to
    have a bit of body heat.
[19:01] Alvin
    I'd be dead if I didn't!
[19:03] Carla
    You should probably lie down.
[19:05] Carla
    Let's cool you off.
[19:13] Carla
    There!
[19:14] Alvin
    Wring it first!
[19:15] Carla
    S-Sorry!
[19:19] Alvin
    Not on my head!
[19:21] Carla
    Look at you, dripping with charm!
[19:23] Alvin
    Now's no time for flattery!
[19:26] Alvin
    Forgot it! Just leave me alone!
[19:28] Carla
    Wait a minute!
[19:29] Carla
    Oh, I know.
[19:30] Carla
    Are you hungry, Alvin-san?
[19:34] Alvin
    Actually, I haven't eaten
    anything for a while.
[19:36] Alvin
    I guess I am a little hungry.
[19:38] Carla
    I thought you'd say that.
[19:40] Carla
    So I got a little something ready!
[19:42] Sign
    Eat delicious!
    Medicinal Herbs Cooking
[19:42] Carla
    This book contains a number of
    recipes based on medicinal herbs.
[19:47] Alvin
    Well.
[19:49] Alvin
    Let me see!
[19:51] Carla
    They're recipes that not only use
    the properties of medicinal herbs,
[19:55] Carla
    but are also very tasty!
[19:58] Alvin
    So? What did you make?
[20:03] Carla
    "Make"?
[20:05] Carla
    I didn't even consider that.
[20:08] Alvin
    You need more imagination.
[20:12] Carla
    I'm sorry.
[20:13] Carla
    I'm scatterbrained, clumsy,
    and inconsiderate.
[20:18] Carla
    I'm sorry.
[20:19] Alvin
    H-Hey...
[20:20] Alvin
    You don't have to be that depressed about it...
[20:22] Carla
    I'm sorry that I'm so cute about it!
[20:27] Alvin
    Don't get optimistically depressed!
[20:30] Alvin
    Sheesh.
[20:31] Alvin
    Fine, don't do anything.
[20:33] Alvin
    Just give me some peace and quiet.
SIGN    S
    a
    d
    .
    .
    .
[20:36] Carla
    Okay.
[20:37] Alvin
    And...
[20:42] Alvin
    Well... you know.
[20:45] Alvin
    You've tried to do a lot for me.
[20:48] Alvin
    And I appreciate... the sentiment, at least.
[20:52] Alvin
    Just the sentiment, okay?
[21:00] Carla
    I-It doesn't seem appropriate to
    say that while you're resting.
[21:05] Alvin
    Yeah, yeah.
[21:07] Alvin
    Good night.
[21:09] Carla
    Good night.
SIGN    Big Sis Carla! I brought the antidote herbs.
SIGN    We can use these to get Alvin feeling—
SIGN    Oh, shucks.
SIGN    Looks like he's doing just fine.
SIGN    Next Time
[23:25] Alvin
    Next episode's title is...
[23:27] Alvin
    Can't we just stop abusing
    ourselves on this?
[23:30] Carla
    Yeah, it's not possible to
    do it in fifteen seconds.
[23:32] Carla
    It seems pretty stupid.
SIGN    Agreed.
[23:34] Alvin
    Oh, it's from the higher-ups.
SIGN    See you then!
SIGN    "This show is fairly unique in that Carla is the only recurring female
    character although in episode 5 we did get the witch and then the
    thief character but the witch only gets a few seconds at the
    end in her young form and the thief girl doesn't get any more
    screen time after this so I suspect the folks at home are wondering
    if we're ever going to see any new female characters and so partly
    for you people this episode features a female character called
    Maria Deathflame but to set up for that we have to do a zombie
    story so I hope you'll enjoy that first and of course Maria has her
    own idiosyncrasies so you'll just have to wait to see if it meets
    your expectations and that's the deal with episode 7."
[23:37] Alvin
    "We're never letting you
    people do the preview—"

Season 1

E7 - This show is fairly unique in that Carla is the only recurring female character...

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:02] Alvin
    Monsters threaten human life.
[00:05] Alvin
    They are opposed by brave adventurers!
[00:10] Alvin
    And I, Alvin, am one of them!
[00:15] Alvin
    Now in a party with Carla, the healer,
[00:18] Alvin
    my journey continues!
SIGN    Don't Hurt Me,
SIGN    Don't Hurt Me,
SIGN    My Healer!
SIGN    This show is fairly unique in that Carla is the only recurring female character...
[01:57] Carla
    Another peaceful day.
[01:58] Alvin
    Yeah...
[02:00] Alvin
    But peace isn't exactly
    conducive to leveling up.
[02:03] Alvin
    Wonder where we could find some monsters...
[02:06] Carla
    Weak ones, you mean?
[02:07] Alvin
    Shut up.
[02:10] Alvin
    Is that...
[02:14] Alvin
    Someone's collapsed over there!
[02:15] Alvin
    Attacked by a monster, perhaps?
[02:18] Carla
    Never mind that, Alvin-san!
[02:20] Carla
    Hurry!
[02:22] Alvin
    Right!
[02:23] Carla
    Hurry up and bury them!
[02:24] Alvin
    Don't jump to conclusions!
[02:25] Alvin
    You can't just assume a
    person like that is dead!
[02:28] Carla
    But nine times out of ten, when you see
    someone collapsed on the road, they're dead.
[02:33] Alvin
    We don't know that for sure!
[02:34] Carla
    Very well.
[02:36] Carla
    We just have to check first, then?
[02:38] Alvin
    Of course we do!
[02:41] Carla
    And after we check, we can bury them?
[02:43] Alvin
    That depends on what we find!
[02:45] Carla
    You think we might find that
    cremation is preferable?
[02:48] Carla
    Which is better, that or burial?
[02:50] Alvin
    At least consider the chance
    that he might be alive!
[02:53] Alvin
    Fine, forget you.
[02:54] Alvin
    I'll check him myself!
[02:56] Alvin
    Shoo, shoo.
[02:58] Kinoko
    Stop!
[03:00] Kinoko
    Hang on just a mushroom!
[03:01] Alvin
    What now?
[03:02] Alvin
    And have you been here this whole time?
[03:03] Kinoko
    It's not safe to approach so incautiously.
[03:06] Kinoko
    Some monsters pretend to be
    human to get your guard down.
[03:11] Kinoko
    There's no guarantee that's a person!
[03:14] Alvin
    Good point.
[03:15] Kinoko
    Gosh. Shouldn't you do a little studying
    before you become an adventurer?
[03:20] Alvin
    I don't like hearing that from a monster...
[03:22] Alvin
    But there's also a chance
    that they really are human...
[03:26] Kinoko
    Then why not call out to them first?
[03:29] Carla
    By all means, Alvin-san, go ahead.
[03:30] Alvin
    Me?!
[03:32] Alvin
    Fine, but...
[03:34] Alvin
    Hey! Are you alive?
[03:37] Carla
    That seems a bit insensitive.
[03:40] Alvin
    Hey! How you doing?
[03:42] Carla
    More friendly!
[03:43] Alvin
    Wanna go out for tea together?
[03:46] Carla
    Sorry. You're not my type.
[03:49] Alvin
    I wasn't talking to you!
[03:51] Alvin
    And why are you making me say these things?
[03:53] Carla
    Only a cockroach of a man would
    say exactly what he's told to.
[04:03] Alvin
    He's moving!
[04:04] Alvin
    Thank goodness! He's alive!
[04:07] Alvin
    That means we won't have to bury him!
[04:11] Alvin
    No, he really is dead!
[04:12] Alvin
    We really should have buried him!
[04:22] Alvin
    Hang on. Can this zombie not stand up?
[04:30] Alvin
    Awesome! Even I can beat this thing!
[04:32] Carla
    Don't you dare!
[04:33] Carla
    Don't his attempts to stand
    inspire any feeling in you?
[04:38] Alvin
    The feeling that I can beat him, sure!
[04:40] Carla
    Even zombies are just trying
    to live their lives!
[04:43] Alvin
    But they're dead!
[04:45] Alvin
    And you're the one who wanted to bury him!
[04:47] Carla
    I was moved by his passion!
[04:55] Carla
    Don't give up!
[04:57] Carla
    Don't let the rot take your spirit, too!
[04:58] Kinoko
    Give it your best!
[05:04] Carla
    Almost there!
[05:09] Carla
    One more time!
[05:48] Alvin
    Come on, man! Give it all you got!
[06:01] Carla
    H-He stood up!
[06:04] Carla
    The zombie...
[06:05] Carla
    The zombie stood up!
[06:08] Kinoko
    The zombie stood up!
[06:10] Kinoko
    The zombie stood up!
[06:12] Kinoko
    The zombie—
[06:14] Kinoko
    The zombie... stood up!
[06:26] Carla
    I've never seen anything so moving!
[06:28] Kinoko
    It's awesome!
[06:33] Alvin
    You...
[06:35] Alvin
    You have true grit.
[06:40] Alvin
    What?
[06:46] Carla
    H-His head!
[06:48] Alvin
    I didn't...
[06:49] Alvin
    I didn't do it on purpose!
[06:51] Carla
    Y-You killed him!
[06:53] Alvin
    But he was already dead!
[07:02] Alvin
    We did bury him, at least...
[07:05] Alvin
    But aren't zombies supposed
    to come back to life?
[07:08] Carla
    There's no need to worry.
[07:10] Carla
    The prayers of one with a holy
    spirit can purify his soul.
[07:15] Alvin
    So, not you, then?
[07:16] Carla
    Sorrowful being, wandering this
    world even after death...
[07:21] Carla
    Find peaceful slumber, and
    when the dawn comes...
[07:24] Carla
    Awaken!
[07:26] Alvin
    Why are you waking him up?!
[07:30] Alvin
    See? You woke him up!
[07:33] Carla
    Oh, drat!
[07:34] Carla
    I accidentally rejuvenated him.
[07:37] Alvin
    That's not rejuvenation!
[07:39] Zobita
    So, this is holy power!
[07:42] Zobita
    I feel so refreshed!
[07:44] Alvin
    But you're still decapitated!
[07:46] Zobita
    Thank you for waking me up!
[07:48] Zobita
    I am Zobita, the zombie!
[07:50] Alvin
    What a lazy name.
[07:53] Carla
    I am Carla.
[07:54] Carla
    A bonafide healer!
[07:56] Alvin
    Bonafide? Don't make me laugh.
[07:59] Carla
    And this is Alvin-san, the laughingstock.
[08:02] Alvin
    I'm a warrior!
[08:03] Kinoko
    And I am the beloved mascot—
[08:05] Alvin
    Shut up, would you?
[08:06] Zobita
    A healer, a laughingstock, and a mushroom.
[08:09] Zobita
    What an unusual party!
[08:11] Carla
    He just called us unusual, Alvin-san!
[08:14] Alvin
    Isn't that a nice compliment, Carla?
[08:16] Zobita
    Are you adventurers?
[08:18] Zobita
    What a happy coincidence!
[08:21] Zobita
    Can I ask you for a favor?
[08:23] Carla
    Very well. We'll do it!
[08:24] Alvin
    Not so fast!
[08:26] Alvin
    We don't take requests from monsters!
[08:28] Carla
    But we could earn his gratitude.
[08:30] Alvin
    She's so damned obvious!
[08:31] Carla
    I'm obviously trying to get him in my debt.
[08:36] Alvin
    Do you have any motives
    that aren't ulterior ones?
[08:38] Alvin
    And you never got any better at that wink...
[08:40] Carla
    Now, what's the favor you wanted to ask?
[08:43] Zobita
    It is...
[08:48] Zobita
    Revenge!
SIGN    Revenge
SIGN    Revenge
[08:54] carla
    Let's review.
SIGN    Review
[08:56] Alvin
    Great idea. Shut up and do that.
[08:59] Alvin
    Revenge is a messy business, though.
[09:02] Alvin
    Care to fill us in on the story?
[09:03] Carla
    His grades must be down,
    since he didn't review enough.
[09:06] Alvin
    Don't make fun!
[09:08] Zobita
    Down this road lies a graveyard so old,
    that all people have forgotten its name.
[09:13] Zobita
    That is where...
[09:18] Zobita
    I served as leader of the all-zombie
    dance troupe, Be Zombitious!
[09:23] Alvin
    We are talking about revenge, aren't we?
[09:26] Zobita
    Then one day, out of the blue...
[09:29] Zobita
    a terrible necromancer arrived!
[09:36] Carla
    It wasn't me!
[09:38] Carla
    Remember, I'm a healer!
[09:40] Alvin
    I didn't say anything.
[09:42] Zobita
    The necromancer's level was so high...
[09:45] Zobita
    And one after another, my fellow
    zombies became taken in...
[09:49] Alvin
    I have heard that high-level necromancers
    can enslave the souls of the dead...
[09:57] Zobita
    Taken in by her amazing dance skills!
[10:01] (Flashback) Zombie B
    Oh!
[10:02] (Flashback) Zombie A
    So cool!
[10:04] Alvin
    She sounds more like a dancer!
[10:07] Zobita
    I can't let her dancing be better
    than mine, the group leader!
[10:12] Zobita
    I want revenge against
    her for humiliating me!
[10:15] Alvin
    This sounds more like a petty grudge.
[10:17] Carla
    Whatever the reason,
[10:19] Carla
    we can hardly leave a necromancer at large.
[10:21] Carla
    We will help you achieve your revenge!
[10:24] Alvin
    I know someone even worse is
    being left at large, myself.
[10:28] Carla
    Still, I do think this job is for us.
[10:31] Alvin
    How so?
[10:33] Carla
    Necromancers are weak against holy power.
[10:36] Carla
    In other words, I hold the advantage!
[10:38] Alvin
    You don't have holy anything.
[10:40] Carla
    And you're a master dancer, Alvin-san!
[10:44] Carla
    When someone's pulling your
    strings, you dance so good!
[10:47] Carla
    Wee, wee!
[10:48] Kinoko
    Wee, wee!
[10:50] Alvin
    Don't want to be good at that!
[10:52] Carla
    Now, let's go!
[10:54] Carla
    To the unknown graveyard!
[10:56] Alvin
    Wait! You're really going?!
[10:58] Zobita
    Thanks for the help!
[11:13] Carla
    W-Wait a minute!
[11:17] Carla
    Wait a minute! Stop!
[11:22] Carla
    Why are you running away?
[11:27] Carla
    This fast zombie trend is
    such a problem for me.
[11:31] Alvin
    Hey, Carla. What in the world are you—
[11:34] Alvin
    What is that in your hands?
[11:36] Carla
    I call it the flame of salvation.
[11:39] Carla
    It purges the souls of the dead with fire.
[11:42] Carla
    It's the holy magic of Hell.
[11:44] Alvin
    There is no holiness or salvation
    in anything you're saying.
[11:48] Alvin
    And have you forgotten that we came to
    this graveyard for the necromancer?
[11:52] Carla
    It's all right.
[11:54] Carla
    If we start enough trouble,
    she'll come to us eventually.
[11:57] Maria
    Excuse me.
[11:58] Maria
    I heard a bit of noise out here.
[12:01] Maria
    Is something the matter?
[12:03] Carla
    See? She came to us!
[12:05] Alvin
    Wait... are you the necromancer?
[12:09] Maria
    O-Oh, I beg your pardon!
[12:11] Maria
    I do indeed work as a necromancer.
[12:14] Maria
    My name is Maria Deathflame.
[12:17] Maria
    It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance.
[12:19] Alvin
    She's not exactly what I was expecting.
[12:22] Carla
    She's totally ripping me off.
[12:24] Alvin
    Only on the "Deathflame" part.
[12:27] Alvin
    It's a pleasure to meet you.
[12:29] Alvin
    I am Alvin.
[12:30] Alvin
    This is Carla.
[12:32] Maria
    Alvin-san and Carla-san.
[12:34] Maria
    What lovely names!
[12:36] Alvin
    Y-You think so?
[12:38] Alvin
    You're making me blush...
[12:39] Carla
    I think Alvin is a wonderful name, too!
[12:42] Carla
    It's better than you deserve!
[12:44] Alvin
    Oh, really? That pisses me off.
[12:46] Maria
    What brings you two here?
[12:49] Maria
    This is a forgotten graveyard, so I
    doubt you're here to see a grave...
[12:55] Carla
    We are here to see a grave, actually.
[12:57] Carla
    Yours!
[12:58] Alvin
    Just a moment, please!
[13:00] Alvin
    Why are you threatening violence?
[13:02] Alvin
    Are you trying to start a war?
[13:04] Carla
    Zobita-san asked us to
    get revenge, remember?
[13:07] Alvin
    That's just him being petty!
[13:09] Alvin
    Besides, we're currently trying
    to convince him to reconsider!
[13:13] Zobita
    Wait! The warrior is that weak?
[13:16] Kinoko
    You'd have a better chance
    in there than Alvin.
[13:21] Kinoko
    So you should really just ditch
    this whole revenge idea.
[13:23] Zobita
    Fair enough.
[13:25] Carla
    But a necromancer uses the dead!
    It's blasphemy!
[13:29] Carla
    We can't just leave her at large!
[13:31] Alvin
    I don't want to hear that from someone who
    blasphemes both the living and the dead.
[13:34] Carla
    I know she looks beautiful,
[13:37] Carla
    but she's evil inside!
[13:39] Alvin
    What's that supposed to be,
    your new introduction?
[13:42] Carla
    L-Look!
[13:43] Alvin
    And keep your voice down already!
[13:46] Carla
    She's controlling all of those zombies!
[13:49] Zombie A
    Maria-sama, hello!
[13:51] Maria
    Hello!
[13:52] Zombie C
    It's Maria-sama!
[13:54] Zombie B
    Dance for us again, won't you?
[13:56] Alvin
    It looks more like they
    just really like her.
[14:00] Carla
    I think she has blackmail material on them!
[14:03] Alvin
    Why would she bother?
[14:06] Carla
    It's what I'd do.
[14:07] Alvin
    Maybe you should think about that!
[14:08] Zombie A
    Hey!
[14:09] Zombie A
    Are you guys badmouthing Maria-sama?
[14:13] Alvin
    No, I...
[14:15] Zombie B
    What's that?!
[14:16] Zombie C
    Hey, she's the one who was
    chasing us around earlier!
[14:19] Zombie B
    And she's a healer, isn't she?!
[14:21] Zombie B
    The enemy of undead everywhere!
[14:22] Zombie A
    You're here to hurt Maria-sama, aren't you?!
[14:25] Carla
    Hold on a minute.
[14:26] Carla
    We can talk this out.
[14:28] Alvin
    That's right!
[14:29] Carla
    With our fists!
[14:31] Alvin
    Just shut up already!
SIGN    Maria♥
[14:35] Zombie C
    You've shown your true face!
[14:37] Zombie A
    Malevolent healer!
[14:38] Zombie B
    We won't let you lay one hand on Maria-sama!
[14:41] Maria
    No fighting, everyone!
[14:43] Maria
    And remember, Carla is a holy woman!
[14:46] Maria
    There's no way you can beat her!
[14:48] Zombie C
    Even if it's a bad match-up for us,
[14:50] Zombie C
    we will protect Maria-sama!
[14:53] Zombie A
    Get to safety while you can, Maria-sama!
[14:55] Zombie B
    Bring it on!
[14:56] Alvin
    They're totally making us the villains here.
[14:59] Carla
    They're like knights
    protecting their princess.
[15:02] Zombie C
    We won't run this time!
[15:04] Zombie B
    You won't beat us!
[15:07] Carla
    Fighting to protect someone
    important to you...
[15:10] Carla
    It's pretty cool.
[15:12] Alvin
    It is cool.
[15:14] Carla
    Alvin-san.
[15:15] Carla
    You have someone you could protect, too.
[15:17] Alvin
    Right, got it covered.
[15:22] Carla
    So...?
[15:23] Alvin
    Shut up!
[15:25] Alvin
    Fine, I'll play along.
[15:30] Alvin
    I'm technically a frontline fighter, too!
[15:33] Alvin
    I won't let you harm Carla!
[15:36] Alvin
    Is that what you wanted?
[15:37] Carla
    Alvin-san!
[15:41] Carla
    I don't think you can win, though.
[15:43] Carla
    Is this a joke?
[15:47] Alvin
    Okay!
[15:52] Carla
    Is he trying to get himself killed?
[15:59] Alvin
    Now, bring it!
[16:02] Carla
    Traitor! How dare you?!
[16:04] Alvin
    Shut up! Stupid, stupid, stupid!
[16:21] Alvin
    Damn it! Let me out!
[16:25] Carla
    Goodness me.
[16:26] Carla
    Struggling won't get you anywhere.
[16:28] Carla
    Conserve your strength.
[16:31] Carla
    It's your own fault for
    betraying me back there.
[16:36] Alvin
    And, speaking of which...
[16:38] Alvin
    Why am I the only one in here?!
[16:41] Carla
    Because I'm the one who arrested you.
[16:44] Carla
    Why would the person doing the
    arresting up in the jail?
[16:47] (Flashback) Alvin
    Uncle! Uncle!
[16:49] (Flashback) Carla
    I've captured the traitor!
[16:51] (Flashback) Carla
    Throw him in jail!
[16:52] Carla
    But thanks to you, we avoided a fight,
[16:55] Carla
    and nobody got hurt!
[16:57] Alvin
    Except for my pride, which is in tatters.
[17:00] Carla
    Oh, goodness!
[17:02] Carla
    Maybe you'd be better off without it?
[17:03] Alvin
    Hey!
[17:05] Carla
    At any rate, the zombies are currently
    discussing what to do with you.
[17:10] Carla
    Once they realize you're worthless,
    they'll release you.
[17:13] Alvin
    Phrasing, please!
[17:17] Alvin
    Maria-san?
[17:19] Maria
    I'm sorry, you two.
[17:21] Maria
    I didn't mean for this to happen.
[17:23] Alvin
    Really, there's no need
    for you to apologize!
[17:26] Carla
    That's right.
[17:27] Carla
    Just be more careful in
    the future, all right?
[17:30] Alvin
    You should be careful all the time!
[17:32] Maria
    I'm sorry.
[17:33] Maria
    But I...
[17:35] Maria
    They had a discussion earlier,
    and they're considering...
[17:38] Maria
    "That warrior... maybe we should
    turn him into a zombie."
[17:44] Alvin
    Hang on! Are you saying
    they're going to kill me?
[17:47] Carla
    But he's already in jail! That's dead
    as far as society is concerned!
[17:50] Alvin
    I'm not dead!
[17:51] Alvin
    And you're the one who threw me in here!
[17:53] Maria
    They all appear to want to
    make new zombies for my sake.
[17:59] Maria
    But I don't think it's right to make
    someone a zombie without their consent.
[18:03] Maria
    So I brought the key to the cell.
[18:05] Maria
    I want you to escape!
[18:06] Alvin
    You're sure?
[18:08] Maria
    I haven't told the zombies.
[18:12] Maria
    This will be our little secret.
[18:14] Alvin
    What an angel!
[18:16] Carla
    You called?
[18:17] Alvin
    Not you!
[18:18] Carla
    Wait just a minute.
[18:20] Carla
    As Alvin-san's companion,
    it is my duty to save him.
[18:24] Alvin
    You're the reason I'm in here!
[18:27] Alvin
    And you don't even have the key!
[18:29] Carla
    I do have an unlock spell!
[18:32] Carla
    It works by blowing up the lock!
[18:34] Alvin
    What are you, a saboteur?!
[18:36] Carla
    This is a good opportunity.
[18:38] Carla
    Let's compete to see who
    can save Alvin-san first!
[18:42] Carla
    Against a necromancer of darkness,
[18:44] Carla
    a healer of light could not possibly lose!
[18:47] Alvin
    You got the darkness and light backwards.
[18:50] Alvin
    But all Maria-san has to do
    is unlock the door, so...
[18:54] Maria
    Except...
[18:55] Maria
    I'm not sure which key it is now!
[18:58] Alvin
    So many!
[18:59] Maria
    What will I do?!
[19:00] Alvin
    N-No problem!
[19:02] Alvin
    Just remain calm and try them one at a time!
[19:04] Carla
    That's right.
[19:05] Carla
    Just stay calm and go slow.
[19:07] Carla
    I'll enjoy my final conversation
    with Alvin-san the same way.
[19:11] Carla
    This was a competition
    to save me, wasn't it?!
[19:13] Carla
    Let me recite my chant.
[19:15] Maria
    Let me see... Let me see...
[19:19] Maria
    This one doesn't fit, either...
[19:22] Alvin
    You're doing fine.
[19:23] Alvin
    Just try the next key!
[19:26] Carla
    Ten...
[19:29] Carla
    Nine...
[19:32] Alvin
    Eh?
[19:32] Carla
    Eight...
[19:33] Alvin
    Maria-san, I think you
    tried that one already!
[19:35] Carla
    Seven...
[19:35] Maria
    What? What?
[19:38] Maria
    Which is it? Which is it?!
[19:38] Carla
    Four...
[19:39] Alvin
    Why did you skip a number?!
[19:41] Alvin
    Stop the countdown!
[19:42] Carla
    Three...
[19:45] Maria
    Th-The pressure is...
[19:45] Carla
    Two...
[19:48] Alvin
    Are you all right?
[19:48] Carla
    One...
[19:50] Maria
    I'm sorry.
[19:51] Maria
    I'm sorry!
[19:53] Maria
    I'm sorry...
[19:55] Maria
    Let me see...
[19:56] Maria
    I'm sorry.
[19:59] Maria
    Um... Um...
[20:01] Carla
    I can't watch this.
[20:03] Maria
    Carla-san, what about your chant?
[20:05] Carla
    Never mind that.
[20:07] Carla
    Let's start by eliminating the keys
    that obviously won't fit the hole.
[20:12] Maria
    R-Right.
[20:13] Carla
    Is this even a key?
[20:15] Carla
    You really should put
    labels on these things.
[20:19] Carla
    Or maybe split them up based on purpose.
[20:22] Maria
    Yes, you're right.
[20:23] Maria
    I'll start doing that from now on.
[20:25] Carla
    Watching you has made me think.
[20:27] Carla
    You're actually rather hopeless, aren't you?
[20:32] Carla
    What's so funny?
[20:34] Maria
    Oh, I'm sorry.
[20:36] Maria
    I was thinking,
    you're kinder than you seemed.
[20:54] Carla
    Thank you.
[21:06] Alvin
    Hang on a minute.
[21:07] Alvin
    Carla, kind?
[21:10] Alvin
    Yeah, right. Don't make me laugh!
[21:12] Alvin
    Kind? More like bizarre!
[21:25] Alvin
    Uh, what just happened?
[21:28] Maria
    Stay over tonight, would you?
[21:30] Carla
    If it comes with food, sure.
[21:34] Alvin
    H-Hang on, you two!
[21:36] Alvin
    You haven't unlocked the door yet!
[21:39] Alvin
    Why?!
[21:40] Alvin
    Hey!
[21:43] Alvin
    Hey!
[21:45] Alvin
    Hey...
[21:47] Alvin
    Unlock the—
SIGN    Next Time
[23:26] Maria
    Are you sure you want me doing the preview?
[23:29] Maria
    As you know, I work as a necromancer,
[23:33] Maria
    and my name is Maria Deathflame.
[23:34] Maria
    I'll be introducing the next episode now.
[23:36] Maria
    I hope you please watch it!
SIGN    See you then!
SIGN    "Thanks to Altargaia (reminder: this is the mushroom's name),
    Alvin gets out of the cell safe and sound but now that Carla and
    Maria are unexpectedly getting along they continue leading him
    around by the nose and it happens that Maria has a sweet little
    sister named Ellie and while avoiding spoilers regarding
    what trouble Ellie's gotten into it does concern Maria's status
    as a necromancer but I hope you won't get your hopes up for
    another cute female character to appear but in exchange
    Carla will attempt an unusual cosplay so that's the part you can
    look forward to and that's the deal with episode 8."
[23:37] Maria
    Now! Next week's title is—

Season 1

E8 - Thanks to Altargaia (reminder: this is the mushroom's name)...

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:02] Alvin
    Monsters threaten human life.
[00:05] Alvin
    They are opposed by brave adventurers!
[00:10] Alvin
    And I, Alvin, am one of them!
[00:15] Alvin
    Now in a party with Carla, the healer,
[00:18] Alvin
    my journey continues!
SIGN    Don't Hurt Me,
SIGN    Don't Hurt Me,
SIGN    My Healer!
SIGN    Thanks to Altargaia (reminder: this is the mushroom's name)...
[01:54] Alvin
    Hurry! We don't wanna
    be turned into zombies!
[02:03] Alvin
    Let's take a break.
[02:05] Alvin
    Boy, what a mess.
[02:08] Alvin
    But, seriously...
[02:10] Alvin
    Thanks a lot for saving me.
[02:12] Kinoko
    Hey, no problem!
[02:14] Kinoko
    Oh, and I got this back for you.
[02:17] Alvin
    Hey, thanks!
[02:20] Kinoko
    But...
[02:21] Kinoko
    I can't believe you're so weak
    you can't even bend iron bars.
[02:27] Alvin
    I think most humans can't, actually!
[02:31] Alvin
    I think you're the one who's
    way stronger than you look—
[02:35] Kinoko
    Hey! Big Sis Carla!
[02:40] Carla
    F-Fugitive!
[02:42] Alvin
    Don't make it sound sordid!
[02:44] Carla
    Just kidding. It's a joke.
[02:46] Carla
    That must have been some
    hard time you served.
[02:48] Alvin
    Can you please not make it
    sound like I'm an ex-con?
[02:51] Maria
    Alvin-san!
[02:52] Maria
    Carla-chan convinced the zombies
    not to turn you into one of them!
[02:57] Alvin
    You did?
[02:59] Carla
    P-Please, don't get the wrong idea...
[03:01] Carla
    I merely explained that it would
    do them more harm than good.
[03:07] Carla
    There's no need to thank me.
[03:08] Alvin
    That must have been a very rousing speech.
[03:12] Alvin
    By the way, I've been wondering...
[03:14] Alvin
    What is that?
[03:18] Carla
    Oh, that?
[03:19] Carla
    It's a magic circle designed to bring
    back the soul of Maria-san's sister.
[03:23] Alvin
    Her sister's soul?
[03:25] Alvin
    Are you saying she's... your
    sister is... you know...
[03:30] Maria
    It's all right to ask.
[03:32] Maria
    My sister was very foolish.
[03:46] Maria
    She was a girl who loved
    to invent new games.
[03:49] Maria
    I never thought...
[03:51] Maria
    I never thought she'd try an astral projection
    game and end up a wandering spirit!
[03:55] Alvin
    That is an unusual story.
[03:57] Kinoko
    So you've been wandering graveyards
    looking for your sister's soul?
[04:02] Kinoko
    Cemeteries do tend to
    attract them, after all.
[04:05] Kinoko
    If her soul were in the land of the
    dead, I could call it back, but...
[04:08] Kinoko
    For better or for worse,
    it appears to still be wandering.
[04:14] Carla
    And that's when the all-purpose healer
    who can also use summoning magic
[04:17] Carla
    enters the picture!
[04:19] Alvin
    Too bad you're worthless as a healer!
[04:21] Alvin
    So, are you saying you can do it?
[04:23] Carla
    A foolish question! As expected!
[04:24] Carla
    For me, it's a greasy steak!
[04:27] Alvin
    You mean piece of cake?
[04:28] Carla
    Easy as delta!
[04:30] Alvin
    You mean easy as pie?
[04:31] Carla
    But I can't do it all on my own.
[04:34] Carla
    So please, Maria-san, take my hand.
[04:37] Maria
    Your hand?
[04:38] Carla
    Yes.
[04:40] Carla
    Now think hard about your sister.
[04:44] Carla
    I will infuse those thoughts
    with magic power,
[04:46] Carla
    and channel them into the circle.
[04:48] Carla
    If all goes well, your sister
    will be drawn to your thoughts,
[04:51] Carla
    and I'll be able to summon her.
[04:54] Carla
    And then, Alvin-san...
[04:55] Alvin
    Oh? Is there some way I can help?!
[04:57] Carla
    Please stand there and watch attentively!
[05:00] Alvin
    Did I need to hear that?
[05:03] Carla
    Let us begin, Maria-san!
[05:06] Ria
    Yes!
[05:17] Alvin
    It's very quiet.
[05:20] Alvin
    It's getting cloudy?
[05:24] Kinoko
    Alvin...
[05:25] Kinoko
    Look!
[05:26] Alvin
    What?
[05:43] Alvin
    Hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it!
[05:44] Alvin
    Carla, stop! Open your eyes!
[05:46] Alvin
    Stop!
[05:48] Carla
    What is it? I'm trying to focus!
[05:50] Alvin
    This is really not the time!
[05:52] Alvin
    That thing looks freaky!
[05:54] Alvin
    You called up a freaky thing!
[05:55] Carla
    What are you so upset about?
[06:12] Carla
    What is that?
[06:13] Alvin
    That's what I was asking!
[06:18] Carla
    Maria-san!
[06:19] Alvin
    Get hold of your senses!
[06:20] Alvin
    I'm afraid it was a failure!
[06:22] Alvin
    No time for the spell!
    We need to get out of here!
[06:24] Maria
    Ellie!
[06:27] Maria
    I finally found you!
[06:30] Ellie
    Sister?
[06:34] Alvin
    That's your sister?!
[06:43] Carla
    Mwa ha ha!
[06:46] Carla
    I have possessed the body of
    this beautiful young girl!
[06:49] Maria
    B-But not for long!
[06:52] Maria
    Holy Beam!
[06:53] Carla
    Ugh!
[06:57] Carla
    Erk... Oh, the pain!
[07:01] Alvin
    Uh. What in the world are you doing?
[07:03] Maria
    Um, now...
[07:06] Maria
    Release Carla-chan's body
    now, filthy specter!
[07:11] Alvin
    Seriously, what are you doing?
[07:13] Alvin
    Are you listening?
[07:18] Alvin
    Seriously, what the hell are you doing?!
[07:20] Maria
    I'm sorry.
[07:21] Maria
    Ellie really wanted to play this game
    while she was still a disembodied soul.
[07:26] Alvin
    This is one heck of an avant-garde game!
[07:30] Maria
    I played the righteous healer.
[07:33] Maria
    Carla-chan played the necromancer
    possessed by the evil spirit.
[07:37] Maria
    And Ellie was playing
    the evil spirit itself!
[07:39] Alvin
    That casting seems pretty spot-on.
[07:41] Ellie
    Are you saying I look like an evil spirit?!
[07:44] Alvin
    O-Of course not!
    It's just a figure of speech!
[07:47] Alvin
    Please don't kill me!
[07:49] Carla
    And it's odd to call me
    a necromancer, isn't it?
[07:53] Carla
    Isn't it?
[07:53] Alvin
    I think it's perfect casting, personally!
SIGN    Perfect
SIGN    Perfect
[07:56] Maria
    Now, Ellie.
[07:57] Maria
    If you're satisfied,
    won't you return to your body?
[07:59] Ellie
    Yes!
[08:00] Alvin
    Speaking of which, where is
    your little sister's body?
[08:03] Maria
    Oh, I left it back there.
[08:06] Maria
    I'll bring it now.
[08:08] Alvin
    She's been carrying her little
    sister's body all around with her?
[08:11] Ellie
    A body without a soul will rot if you don't cast
    anti-putrefaction spells on it from time to time!
[08:16] Alvin
    I see!
[08:18] Maria
    Here we are!
[08:21] Alvin
    She's carrying her!
[08:22] Alvin
    And it's a really bad look!
[08:26] Alvin
    You've been carrying her
    around just like that?
[08:29] Maria
    Ellie's a little girl. She's easy to carry.
[08:31] Alvin
    That's not what I meant!
[08:33] Ellie
    It's been so long!
[08:35] Carla
    Wow. So this is Ellie-san's body?
[08:42] Alvin
    Who's that?
[08:43] Carla
    It's Ellie-san, of course!
[08:45] Ellie
    Yeah, me!
[08:46] Alvin
    They don't look anything alike!
[08:49] Maria
    The soul's appearance reflects
    a person's mental state,
[08:52] Maria
    so there may be a slight difference.
[08:55] Alvin
    That doesn't fit any definition
    of "slight" that I know of.
[08:58] Ellie
    Okay, I'm heading back in!
[09:17] Alvin
    Hey! Is she in pain?!
[09:20] Maria
    Ellie!
[09:21] Carla
    Goodness! It's because she dived
    back in without stretching first!
[09:25] Alvin
    I don't think that's it!
[09:27] Carla
    Get back, both of you!
[09:28] Carla
    Leave this to me!
[09:32] Carla
    I'll cast a sedation spell!
[09:35] Alvin
    Brute force!
[09:36] Carla
    There. She seems to have calmed down.
[09:39] Alvin
    Because you put her down! With brute force!
[09:43] Maria
    Ellie, wake up!
[09:49] Maria
    Ellie!
[09:51] Ellie
    What? Am I back in my body?
[09:55] Maria
    Yes. You're all back to normal!
[09:57] Carla
    Good grief. Well, you seem
    to be completely recovered.
[10:01] Ellie
    Big Sis Carla, you saved me!
[10:03] Ellie
    Though it did hurt for
    a minute back there...
[10:09] Ellie
    But I'm back in my body!
[10:12] Alvin
    I guess it averaged out?
[10:19] Maria
    I suppose we'll be on our way.
[10:22] Maria
    Thank you for everything.
[10:24] Ellie
    Thank you, Big Sis Carla!
[10:28] Carla
    Under normal circumstances, I couldn't
    allow a necromancer to remain at large...
[10:31] Carla
    but I suppose I'll let you go, this time.
[10:34] Maria
    Thank you very much.
[10:37] Carla
    But next time, I play the healer, okay?
[10:41] Maria
    Right!
[10:56] Maria
    Now, let's return to our village.
[10:59] Ellie
    Right!
[11:00] Maria
    Oh, right...
[11:01] Maria
    I should really say goodbye
    to the zombies first.
[11:04] Ellie
    Goodbye!
[11:07] Ellie
    Come by our village any time!
[11:09] Ellie
    I'd love to play again sometime!
[11:21] Alvin
    Looks like they're gone.
[11:27] Alvin
    It's not really worth crying over, is it?
[11:29] Carla
    But...
[11:30] Alvin
    Come on. Making friends is
    a good thing, isn't it?
[11:34] Alvin
    So don't cry! Cheer up!
[11:37] Carla
    Yes. That's right.
[11:40] Carla
    I did make friends, didn't I?
[11:45] Carla
    Friends that you don't have.
[11:47] Alvin
    Fine, cry!
[11:59] Alvin
    Maria-san was such a nice person.
[12:02] Alvin
    So elegant, and with such a kind smile...
[12:05] Alvin
    Is that what they call a
    rejuvenating personality?
[12:08] Alvin
    That's right.
[12:11] Alvin
    Well, Carla?
[12:15] Alvin
    Is that what they call a
    rejuvenating personality?
[12:18] Carla
    Why did you say it twice?!
[12:20] Alvin
    I could say it more times than that!
[12:21] Alvin
    Is that what they call a
    rejuvenating personality?!
[12:22] Carla
    Enough! I get the point!
[12:25] Carla
    I completely understand
    what you're trying to say!
[12:28] Carla
    Good grief.
[12:29] Carla
    Are you saying you've had enough
    of her amateur rejuvenation,
[12:33] Carla
    and you're ready to turn to a professional?!
[12:37] Alvin
    I've never seen anyone
    so lacking in telepathy.
[12:40] Carla
    But very well.
[12:42] Carla
    You do seem to have built
    up a lot of stress.
[12:47] Carla
    I'll use a variety of mental care
    techniques to reset that for you.
[12:51] Carla
    Cool, huh?
[12:52] Alvin
    I doubt it.
[12:53] Alvin
    I'm still in the process
    of building up stress.
[12:56] Carla
    What kind of things do
    you find rejuvenating?
[12:59] Alvin
    You could shut up, for a start!
[13:07] Carla
    You mean...
[13:09] Carla
    All you need is me, silently, by your side?!
[13:15] Alvin
    How'd you manage to spin that one?
[13:17] Carla
    Th-This is all really quite sudden...
[13:20] Carla
    Honestly, I can't believe you
    resorted to such a cliché!
[13:23] Alvin
    I didn't say it!
[13:25] Carla
    Oh, goodness gracious...
[13:27] Carla
    Such a proposal is...
[13:30] Carla
    Disgusting. I might vomit.
[13:33] Alvin
    I might get mad.
[13:35] Carla
    I feel better now.
[13:36] Carla
    I managed to hold it in.
[13:38] Carla
    Safe!
[13:40] Alvin
    I see. I managed to hold it in, too.
[13:43] Carla
    But if you consider my mere
    presence rejuvenating,
[13:45] Carla
    then how did you end up with so much stress?
[13:48] Carla
    It's an unsolvable mystery.
[13:50] Alvin
    Solve it!
[13:52] Kinoko
    Maybe he's built up a
    tolerance through exposure.
[13:55] Alvin
    Yeah, like acquiring
    resistance to a toxin...
[13:59] Alvin
    Wait, are you still here?
[14:01] Carla
    In other words, we've lost our spark!
[14:05] Carla
    In that case...
[14:08] Carla
    Hey, hey! Big Brother Alvin!
[14:11] Carla
    Kyapi!
[14:12] Carla
    Cawwa is hunggy!
[14:15] Carla
    Kyapi!
[14:16] Carla
    Pwease buy samwiches and miwk wight away!
[14:19] Carla
    Kyapi!
[14:20] Alvin
    I'm gonna punch that speech
    tic right out of you!
[14:22] Carla
    What, that wasn't rejuvenating?
[14:24] Carla
    I was was going for the
    "needy little sister" archetype.
[14:26] Alvin
    That's an insult to little
    sisters everywhere!
[14:29] Alvin
    And your performance of
    it was absolute trash.
[14:32] Carla
    And of course, you're not the right
    age to be an older brother...
[14:38] Alvin
    Yes, but that's not the point!
[14:40] Carla
    Good grief.
[14:41] Carla
    I'll just have to bust
    out my ace in the hole.
[14:45] Alvin
    Am I still trapped in this circle of hell?
[14:47] Carla
    Fetch that!
[14:49] Kinoko
    Got it!
[14:50] Carla
    Wait over there while I
    get ready, Alvin-san.
[14:55] Alvin
    Yeah, yeah.
[14:56] Alvin
    I'll keep playing along.
[15:03] Carla
    I'm ready!
[15:07] Carla
    Meow!
[15:09] Carla
    What do you think? Meow!
[15:11] Carla
    Cats represent true rejuvenation of spirit!
[15:13] Carla
    Cat girls even more so!
[15:14] Carla
    Meow!
[15:16] Carla
    And as healers like me are
    synonymous with rejuvenation,
[15:20] Carla
    combined, our effect is a hundred fold!
[15:22] Carla
    Meow!
SIGN    Meooow
[15:22] Carla
    Meooow!
[15:26] Carla
    Triumph!
[15:29] Carla
    And the "Meow" speech tic increases
    the healing further, meow!
[15:33] Alvin
    Where the world did you get that thing?
[15:36] Alvin
    In fact...
[15:37] Alvin
    Don't you feel embarrassed
    to be dressed up like that?
[15:40] Alvin
    But, well, if that's how
    you're comfortable...
[15:49] Carla
    What in the world are you making me wear?!
[15:51] Carla
    Damn you!
[15:53] Alvin
    You put it on yourself!
[16:04] Alvin
    What is it?
[16:06] Carla
    Regarding you, Alvin-san...
[16:09] Alvin
    Me?
[16:10] Alvin
    Are you about to insult me?
[16:11] Carla
    No...
[16:13] Carla
    Earlier, I proved that I was a
    rejuvenating archetype, but...
[16:18] Alvin
    Actually, you're the only
    one who thinks that.
[16:20] Carla
    But although you're mostly useless, I've been
    trying to think on your positive qualities...
[16:26] Carla
    And I've been struggling
    to think of anything.
[16:28] Alvin
    Yep, there's the insult.
[16:30] Alvin
    So? Have you figured out
    my positive qualities?
[16:34] Carla
    First!
[16:35] Carla
    Tell me my positive qualities!
[16:39] Alvin
    Why, though?
[16:40] Carla
    And if you say "none,"
    then, as punishment...
[16:43] Carla
    I will list out your negative qualities!
[16:46] Carla
    Twenty-four hours a day.
[16:48] Alvin
    Twenty-four hours a day?!
[16:49] Alvin
    But, seriously...
[16:51] Alvin
    The only thing you have going
    for you is your looks—
[16:55] Carla
    What did you just say?!
[16:56] Alvin
    W-Well... it's true.
[16:58] Carla
    Say it louder! Go on!
[17:01] Alvin
    You're more desperate than I thought.
[17:03] Alvin
    Okay, it's your turn.
[17:05] Alvin
    Go on, say it!
[17:07] Alvin
    My positive qualities!
[17:13] Alvin
    What?
[17:14] Alvin
    And you'd better not say "None"!
[17:16] Alvin
    Well?
[17:17] Alvin
    Go on!
[17:19] Alvin
    Are you ignoring me?
[17:21] Carla
    You're so desperate it's pathetic.
[17:24] Carla
    I can't stand to watch.
[17:26] Alvin
    Just say something!
[17:27] Carla
    Well, then...
[17:28] Carla
    I would say my answer is the same.
[17:31] Alvin
    What? You think my looks are—
[17:35] Carla
    Yes, that's something I
    really like about you.
[17:39] Carla
    It's very considerate,
    the way you hide them from view!
[17:41] Alvin
    That's an freakin' insult!
[17:45] Kinoko
    I never get bored around you two!
SIGN    Depressed
[18:04] Carla
    What's the matter, Alvin-san?
[18:07] Alvin
    I lost my sword.
[18:10] Carla
    Oh, gosh...
[18:12] Alvin
    Don't sit on me!
[18:15] Carla
    You weren't inviting me to have a seat?
[18:18] Alvin
    Of course not! I'm depressed!
[18:21] Carla
    What a waste of a sit.
[18:25] Carla
    And up I go.
[18:26] Alvin
    You little...
[18:28] Carla
    Do you remember where you last had it?
[18:33] Alvin
    I know I had it when we said goodbye
    to Maria-san and her sister...
[18:38] Carla
    But you do barely use that sword...
[18:42] Carla
    Maybe just let it go?
[18:43] Alvin
    H-Hey!
[18:44] Alvin
    I do use it, sometimes!
[18:46] Alvin
    A sword is like a warrior's soul!
[18:49] Carla
    Really?
[18:50] Carla
    It's kind of impressive that you
    lost something so important...
[18:53] Carla
    Is it your special skill?
[18:55] Alvin
    Damn it! I set her up for that one!
SIGN    Severely Depressed
[19:01] Alvin
    Maybe I'll just buy a new one...
[19:04] Carla
    Don't do that!
[19:05] Carla
    It's a waste!
[19:07] Alvin
    A waste of money?
[19:09] Alvin
    Or are you saying a sword is wasted on me?
[19:13] Carla
    Both.
[19:14] Alvin
    Yeah, figured!
[19:16] Carla
    I know!
[19:17] Carla
    I have a great idea!
[19:23] Carla
    Ta-da!
[19:25] Alvin
    A crystal ball?
[19:26] Carla
    Yes.
[19:28] Carla
    It will show us where you lost the sword.
[19:32] Alvin
    What, you can do divination now?
[19:35] Carla
    Such a foolish question. Typical Alvin-san.
SIGN    Foolish Question
SIGN    Foolish Question
[19:40] Carla
    I've seen people do it!
[19:41] sign
    Foolish Answer
[19:41] sign
    Foolish Answer
[19:41] Alvin
    Don't respond with a foolish answer!
[19:46] Carla
    Just watch.
[19:48] Carla
    O, crystal ball!
[19:50] Carla
    Reveal to me the location
    of Alvin-san's lost sword!
[20:06] Carla
    Hur! Ry! Up!
[20:09] Alvin
    Don't rush it!
[20:11] Carla
    But Alvin-san!
[20:13] Carla
    This stupid jerk won't do what I tell it!
[20:15] Alvin
    Don't call it a jerk!
[20:18] Alvin
    And just because you've seen people do
    it doesn't mean you can do it yourself!
[20:21] Alvin
    Seriously, give it up.
[20:27] Carla
    I know!
[20:29] Carla
    I think I'm using it wrong!
[20:36] Carla
    This is it!
[20:41] Alvin
    What are you doing?!
[20:42] Carla
    Go!
[20:43] Alvin
    I'm not gonna fetch it!
    What am I, a dog?!
[20:46] Kinoko
    Woof!
[20:47] Carla
    Hey, I never said you were
    all bark and no bite!
[20:52] Alvin
    Neither did I!
[20:53] Alvin
    Don't throw the thing away just
    because you couldn't use it!
[20:57] Carla
    Th-That's not what I did!
    What a silly accusation.
[21:00] Carla
    Do you know where the
    crystal ball came down?
[21:03] Alvin
    How should I know?
[21:06] Alvin
    Over there somewhere...
[21:08] Carla
    Good grief. You're just hopeless.
[21:11] Carla
    A hint!
[21:12] Carla
    Where is the thing you lost?
[21:16] Alvin
    Are you saying the crystal ball came
    down in the place I lost my sword?!
[21:19] Carla
    Precisely!
[21:21] Alvin
    What a load of crap!
[21:24] Alvin
    I'm just gonna buy a new one...
[21:37] Carla
    Are you sure that's what you want to do?
[21:40] Alvin
    Yes.
[21:42] Carla
    Then, help me find my crystal ball!
[21:45] Carla
    That thing was really expensive!
[21:47] Alvin
    Then, why did you throw it?!
SIGN    Next Time
[23:25] Ellie
    Big Sis! Wasn't that fun?
[23:27] Maria
    I'm so glad you got to
    play your game, Ellie.
[23:29] Ellie
    Yeah! And now I get to do the preview, too?
[23:32] Maria
    That's right.
[23:33] Maria
    But the episode title's very
    long, so be very careful!
[23:36] Ellie
    Yes, I'll do my be—
SIGN    "This episode features even more female guest characters hot on
    the heels of Maria and Ellie and by the way even though
    we jumble the order now and then we mostly follow the
    source material but because the Medusa and Dryad episode
    would let us get a few more rare female characters on-screen
    we originally had the idea to put them in episode 2 or 3 to get
    people more invested except putting them in episode 2 or 3
    really would be a little too extravagant and kind of mess up the
    flow so we decided against it and that's a fun little behind
    the scenes anecdote but anyway now it's finally time
    to reveal them and that's the deal with episode 9."
SIGN    See you then!
[23:38] Ellie
    Wait, is this actually the title?!

Season 1

E9 - This episode features even more female guest characters hot on the heels...

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:02] Alvin
    Monsters threaten human life.
[00:05] Alvin
    They are opposed by brave adventurers!
[00:10] Alvin
    And I, Alvin, am one of them!
[00:15] Alvin
    Now in a party with Carla, the healer,
[00:18] Alvin
    my journey continues!
SIGN    Don't Hurt Me,
SIGN    Don't Hurt Me,
SIGN    My Healer!
SIGN    This episode features even more female guest characters hot on the heels...
[01:54] Alvin
    We found the crystal ball, but...
[01:57] Alvin
    this sure isn't my sword.
[02:00] Alvin
    Is it a goddess statue?
[02:01] Carla
    It does appear that way.
[02:03] Carla
    And my crystal ball is in pieces.
[02:06] Alvin
    Looks like you hit it right in the head.
[02:08] Alvin
    What are you going to do?
[02:09] Alvin
    You think it's going to lead
    to divine retribution?
[02:11] Carla
    I could hardly be a holy woman if I
    was afraid of divine retribution.
[02:14] Alvin
    I think that's exactly something
    a holy woman shouldn't say.
[02:19] Alvin
    Who goes there?!
[02:21] Carla
    A monster?
[02:22] Medusa
    Were you the ones who broke my seal?
[02:25] Alvin
    A seal?
[02:27] Medusa
    You have my gratitude, truly...
[02:29] Medusa
    I can at last resume my reign
    of terror over humanity!
[02:34] Alvin
    Wretched monster!
[02:37] Alvin
    What now?!
[02:38] Carla
    You heard what she said.
[02:40] Carla
    Let's beat her!
[02:41] Alvin
    It does seem like it would be in the
    interest of keeping the peace...
[02:43] Carla
    Actually, her hoity-toity
    phrasing just pisses me off.
[02:45] Alvin
    So it's all about you?!
[02:47] Carla
    Yes.
[02:47] Alvin
    But I don't have my sword!
[02:50] Carla
    But look!
[02:52] Carla
    She was sealed away in
    that tiny little hole.
[02:55] Carla
    She's probably small and weak!
[02:57] Carla
    Just step on her and it's a done deal!
[03:00] Alvin
    You think I can handle it?
[03:01] Carla
    If it doesn't work,
    I'll hit her with a tieshankao!
[03:04] Alvin
    Great!
[03:05] Alvin
    For the sake of world peace,
    I will defeat you!
[03:08] Alvin
    Show yourself!
[03:09] Carla
    We'll give you a sock to
    that smug mouth of yours!
[03:12] Medusa
    Oh? Feeling suicidal, are we?
[03:15] Carla
    She's over there, I think.
[03:16] Alvin
    Right.
[03:17] Medusa
    Excellent timing.
[03:19] Medusa
    I need a little exercise to wake
    me up after a long sleep...
[03:22] Alvin
    We'll face you! Just show yourself!
[03:25] Medusa
    How bold you are.
[03:26] Medusa
    You truly believe you can defeat me?
[03:29] Medusa
    Now, let us battle!
[03:38] Alvin
    What the hell?!
[03:39] Alvin
    She's not small at all!
[03:41] Alvin
    What are you doing?
[03:42] Carla
    Alvin-san, be careful!
[03:44] Carla
    She's a Medusa!
[03:46] Alvin
    M-Medusa?!
[03:49] Carla
    If you look into her eyes,
    she'll turn you to stone!
[03:51] Alvin
    I know that!
[03:53] Carla
    Listen to me! You must not look,
    no matter what happens!
[03:55] Alvin
    I said I know!
[03:57] Carla
    You must not! Ever!
[03:58] Carla
    Never, ever, ever!
[04:00] Alvin
    Stop saying that!
[04:08] Carla
    Seriously, don't do it, okay?
[04:11] Alvin
    Glance!
[04:12] Medusa
    You looked!
[04:13] Medusa
    Shu-wah!
[04:14] Alvin
    Oh, cra—
[04:21] Carla
    Alvin-san!
[04:23] Medusa
    Wow, how stupid is he?
[04:26] Carla
    It's all my fault...
[04:28] Medusa
    I'm not sure I'd say that.
[04:29] Medusa
    I would say it's his fault.
[04:31] Carla
    No, I should've realized
    that if I kept warning him,
[04:35] Carla
    he'd assume it was a joke setup,
    and end up looking!
[04:40] Medusa
    The way your mind works is a mystery to me.
[04:43] Medusa
    But never you mind!
[04:45] Medusa
    I'll get you, too!
[04:47] Carla
    But look at you, Alvin-san!
    This is just too on the nose.
[04:51] Carla
    It breaks my heart.
[04:53] Carla
    You look like one of those heavy stones—
[04:55] Alvin
    I'm not a paperweight!
[04:57] Carla
    I didn't call you a paperweight.
[04:59] Alvin
    You were about t—
[05:00] Carla
    Yes?
[05:00] Alvin
    Just let me finish!
[05:02] Medusa
    How...
[05:03] Medusa
    How did you shake off my petrification?
[05:05] Alvin
    Huh? Hey, good question!
[05:07] Medusa
    Curse you!
[05:08] Medusa
    One more time!
[05:10] Alvin
    I won't make the same mistake twice!
[05:12] Medusa
    Aw, c'mon! You gotta look at me!
[05:14] Alvin
    What kind of idiot would look,
    knowing it would turn him to stone?!
[05:16] Voice
    Alvin-san!
[05:19] Medusa
    Look! You have to look!
[05:24] Carla
    Alvin-san, you made her cry!
[05:26] Carla
    You big meanie!
[05:29] Alvin
    You really don't have to cry—
[05:30] Medusa
    Fool! Shu-wah!
[05:32] Carla
    Alvin-san!
[05:33] Carla
    Goodness me...
[05:34] Medusa
    Did I getcha this time?!
[05:36] Carla
    What's wrong with you?
[05:37] Carla
    Come on...
[05:38] Carla
    Just shake off the petrification
    like last time!
[05:41] Carla
    Just do it again!
[05:43] Carla
    You know, the "pop" thing!
[05:45] Carla
    C'mon, please!
[05:48] Carla
    Please? Please?
[05:50] Carla
    Alvin-san!
[05:52] Alvin
    Quit enjoying this!
[05:54] Medusa
    Yikes!
[05:55] Medusa
    For real, what's going on here?!
[05:57] Medusa
    Why? Why won't it work?
[06:00] Medusa
    My specialty... My identity...
[06:04] Alvin
    More crocodile tears, huh?
[06:05] Alvin
    But I won't be fooled again!
[06:09] Carla
    It's painful for anyone to have
    their identity denied to them.
[06:15] Carla
    Just like Alvin-san...
[06:16] Carla
    You wouldn't have anything left if
    you took off that armor, right?
[06:19] Alvin
    Uh, I'd still have my body!
[06:21] Carla
    Medusa-san.
[06:22] Carla
    You can't let a small setback
    like this get you down.
[06:25] Carla
    You've just been sealed away so long,
    you haven't recovered all your power yet.
[06:30] Medusa
    Really?
[06:32] Carla
    Yes, really.
[06:33] Carla
    Come on. Chin up!
    Take pride in yourself!
[06:37] Carla
    You are a Medusa, a legendary monster!
[06:41] Alvin
    The way this is going...
[06:46] Medusa
    That's right...
[06:48] Medusa
    You're exactly right.
[06:51] Medusa
    I'll keep trying!
[06:53] Medusa
    Shu-wah!
[06:54] Alvin
    Yeah, knew it!
[07:00] Carla
    Wow.
[07:01] Carla
    So you can't do the petrification
    without the "shu-wah," huh?
[07:05] Medusa
    Yeah.
[07:06] Medusa
    I wouldn't have much of a social life
[07:08] Medusa
    if I could petrify people just
    by looking at them, right?
[07:10] Alvin
    You have a social life?
[07:12] Carla
    Like this?
[07:13] Medusa
    More like jazz hands.
[07:14] Alvin
    They're actually getting along.
[07:19] Carla
    Alvin-san!
[07:20] Alvin
    What the heck?!
[07:22] Dryad
    I thought I sensed an evil presence here.
[07:26] Medusa
    Tch!
[07:27] Medusa
    You're the woodland spirit...
[07:29] Medusa
    Dryad!
[07:33] Dryad
    I knew it would be you, Medusa!
[07:36] Dryad
    I am this forest's guardian.
[07:39] Dryad
    Human, releasing the Medusa
    is a terribly grave crime.
[07:44] Alvin
    Hang on a minute!
[07:45] Alvin
    I'm not the one who released the seal—
[07:46] Carla
    Excuses, excuses!
[07:48] Alvin
    Stay out of this, true culprit!
[07:50] Dryad
    I found this near the destroyed statue.
[07:54] Dryad
    Does it belong to you two?
[07:55] Carla
    My crystal ball!
[07:57] Alvin
    She admits it!
[07:58] Carla
    Pay me back for that!
[08:00] Carla
    Harrumph!
[08:01] Alvin
    You're going to sue a monster?
[08:03] Dryad
    I see.
[08:04] Dryad
    So you destroyed the statue seal.
[08:07] Dryad
    Are you aware of what you've done?
[08:10] Carla
    Have I done something again?
[08:13] Dryad
    Long ago, Medusa terrorized
    countless towns and villages.
[08:20] Dryad
    You have unleashed a truly
    terrifying monster!
[08:25] Carla
    Wow, sounds like you had quite a career!
[08:28] Medusa
    Ah, it's easy when you're young.
[08:30] Alvin
    Seems like you've softened up since then.
[08:33] Dryad
    It does appear she's lost
    a great deal of power.
[08:38] Dryad
    Which means this is my best chance.
[08:40] Dryad
    I entreat you to take responsibility
    and defeat Medusa!
[08:46] Alvin
    She means you!
[08:47] Alvin
    Don't look at me!
[08:48] Carla
    At least release Alvin-san first!
[08:52] Carla
    It's so hard to see him like this.
[08:53] Alvin
    Carla...
[08:54] Dryad
    Oh?
[08:56] Dryad
    It pains you to see a comrade in
    a humiliating position, you mean?
[09:01] Dryad
    But if you want him freed,
    defeat Medusa first.
[09:03] Carla
    Oh, good grief.
[09:05] Carla
    You've misunderstood me.
[09:07] Carla
    What I mean is, no one wants to see a
    thirty-something man engaged in bondage!
[09:12] Alvin
    Don't call it bondage!
[09:14] Alvin
    Now I'm even more embarrassed!
[09:15] Carla
    Such things are the exclusive purview
    of beautiful maidens such as myself.
[09:19] Alvin
    Feel free to swap in, then!
    We'd all like to see it!
[09:22] Carla
    Busted for sexual harassment!
[09:24] Dryad
    Are you mocking me?
[09:25] Alvin
    Look, you're making the dryad angry!
    Infuriated, even!
[09:28] Dryad
    A thirty-something man engaged in bondage...
[09:31] Dryad
    is totally hot!
[09:32] Alvin
    Dryad-san?
[09:33] Carla
    Oh, please!
[09:34] Carla
    "But only if he's hot," right?
[09:37] Alvin
    What are you guys talking about?
[09:39] Dryad
    Actually, I find it even more stimulating
    when the man is unattractive!
[09:43] Dryad
    Take that!
[09:44] Alvin
    Do we need to know all this about you?!
[09:46] Medusa
    Calm down, both of you!
[09:48] Alvin
    Medusa is the only sane one here!
[09:50] Alvin
    Pure hell.
[09:51] Medusa
    I like it best when they're underage!
[09:55] Alvin
    Can we not bring shotacon into this?!
[09:58] Carla
    Alvin-san doesn't qualify as any
    of those, so please release him!
[10:03] Dryad
    We can't know that until
    we see his real face.
[10:06] Medusa
    If he's a baby-face, I might still be down!
[10:09] Alvin
    These freaks...
[10:10] Carla
    Then let's find our answer.
[10:14] Alvin
    H-Hey, cut it out!
[10:15] Alvin
    What's with you girls?
[10:16] Alvin
    Weren't we talking about defeating Medusa?
[10:19] Alvin
    Why is this happening?!
[10:24] Alvin
    Hey. Don't go silent now.
[10:26] Alvin
    At least say what you think of how I look!
[10:31] Carla
    Pathetic.
[10:32] Dryad
    Utterly lacking in distinction.
[10:34] Medusa
    I'll forget it within two hours.
[10:36] Alvin
    Well, so sorry to disappoint!
[10:44] Dryad
    I'm sorry. It was wrong of me.
[10:47] Dryad
    I shouldn't have tried to make
    you defeat the evil Medusa.
[10:51] Carla
    Not at all.
[10:52] Carla
    I share a bit of fault for
    how things went down...
[10:55] Carla
    About 1% or so.
[10:57] Medusa
    If you'd mentioned that earlier, I could've
    made some preparations myself...
[11:02] Medusa
    I didn't realize he'd be this weak.
[11:05] Dryad
    When I heard that he'd
    resisted your stone gaze,
[11:08] Dryad
    I thought he might be a
    match for you, but...
[11:12] Medusa
    And I'm not feeling my best, so I'd
    buckled in for a tough battle...
[11:16] Alvin
    At least let me get a word in!
[11:18] Carla
    Alvin-san.
[11:19] Carla
    The loser doesn't get an opinion.
[11:22] Carla
    Know your place.
[11:23] Alvin
    Lay off, damn it!
[11:25] Alvin
    Listen to me.
[11:26] Alvin
    I know I'm really weak, okay?
[11:27] Carla
    Yes, he is!
[11:28] Alvin
    But despite appearances,
[11:30] Alvin
    I honestly do daily muscle
    training and sword practice!
[11:34] Carla
    What else?
[11:35] Alvin
    But I didn't stand a chance this time.
[11:37] Alvin
    Do you know why that is?
[11:38] Carla
    Yes? One, two...
[11:40] Trio
    Why is that?!
[11:41] Alvin
    Just shut up!
[11:42] Alvin
    There's only one reason!
[11:43] Alvin
    Because I don't have my sword right now!
[11:48] Alvin
    Now talk, damn it!
[11:50] Medusa
    Seems to me like the sword is
    the least of his problems.
[11:53] Medusa
    Why in the world doesn't
    he have a sword, anyway?
[11:54] Medusa
    Isn't he a warrior?
[11:55] Dryad
    He's not just a shady character
    in a tin-plated suit?
[11:58] Carla
    Is there a funnier joke
    than the tin-plated thing?
[12:02] Alvin
    I hear you! Especially you, Carla!
[12:04] Dryad
    If you need a sword, I know of one.
[12:07] Dryad
    A sacred sword stuck in a
    pedestal deep in the forest.
[12:11] Alvin
    A sacred sword?
[12:13] Dryad
    Many adventurers have attempted
    to draw the sword...
[12:18] Dryad
    but none of them have succeeded.
[12:20] Dryad
    But you two, who were present
    for Medusa's unsealing...
[12:25] Alvin
    Though we were the ones who
    started the whole mess...
[12:27] Dryad
    The time, indeed, may have come for
    the sacred sword to be drawn!
[12:32] Dryad
    There it is!
[12:36] Alvin
    Is that...
[12:39] Alvin
    the legendary...
[12:44] Alvin
    sacred sword?!
[12:46] Alvin
    Why's it stuck in that way?!
[12:48] Dryad
    Go on! Pull it out!
[12:51] Alvin
    Like hell!
[12:52] Alvin
    Isn't the hilt supposed to
    be the exposed part?!
[12:55] Carla
    Alvin... can you hear me?
[12:58] Carla
    Alvin... can you hear my voice?
[12:59] Alvin
    What the...
[13:01] Alvin
    A voice!
[13:04] Alvin
    Can it be...
[13:05] Carla
    I am the sacred sword.
[13:08] Alvin
    Is it really a sacred sword?!
[13:10] Carla
    Hero Alvin.
[13:12] Carla
    I have awaited your arrival!
[13:15] Alvin
    I'm a hero?
[13:17] Alvin
    Are you kidding me?!
[13:17] Carla
    Yes. You are the chosen hero.
[13:21] Carla
    The hero, chosen by random lottery...
[13:23] Alvin
    Random lottery?
[13:24] Carla
    Now, extract me—
[13:28] Carla
    What?
[13:30] Carla
    The voice is on a bit of a lag...
[13:32] Alvin
    Screw that!
[13:33] Alvin
    That was your voice, damn it!
[13:35] Alvin
    I can't believe I got my hopes up for that!
[13:38] Carla
    I'm sorry. Vewwy sowwy.
[13:40] Carla
    I thought you deserved
    a nice dream for once.
[13:43] Alvin
    It's more like a nightmare I
    can't wait to wake up from!
[13:45] Dryad
    Anyway, let's see if you
    can pull out the sword!
[13:48] Medusa
    Yeah! Yeah!
[13:49] Alvin
    I'd doubt it'll work,
    but I might as well try...
[13:52] Alvin
    Looks pretty tough, though...
[13:55] Alvin
    I guess I'll have to grab it by the blade.
[14:00] Carla
    What's the matter?
[14:02] Alvin
    I think it's loose.
[14:04] Medusa
    I'm sure he's imagining it.
[14:06] Dryad
    Most likely his imagination.
[14:08] Carla
    Are you deluding yourself?
[14:09] Alvin
    You guys!
[14:11] Alvin
    Darn it...
[14:12] Alvin
    I'll just have to force it out!
[14:23] Dryad
    Is he really the chosen one?
[14:25] Carla
    When did he apply for that?!
[14:27] Alvin
    I didn't apply for anything!
[14:32] Dryad
    He pulled it out!
[14:32] Medusa
    Wait, he really is the chosen one?!
[14:35] Carla
    No! Look closely!
SIGN    Dud
[14:40] Carla
    It was a dud draw.
[14:41] Alvin
    What in the world does that mean?!
[14:49] Carla
    W-Well, good for you!
[14:50] Carla
    You got a sacred sword!
[14:52] Alvin
    A dud one, sure!
[14:53] Alvin
    I bet you're thinking it's
    perfect for me, huh?
[14:56] Alvin
    Go ahead and laugh, if you want!
[14:58] Carla
    Really? Can I?
[14:59] Carla
    Thank you so much!
[15:01] Alvin
    Never mind, never laugh again!
[15:03] Carla
    But my smile is my best trait!
[15:05] Carla
    So mean!
[15:06] Alvin
    You might wanna rethink that one!
[15:08] Carla
    If you took away my smile,
    what else would I have?
[15:11] Alvin
    Unpleasantness.
[15:12] Carla
    Look at you, pouting.
[15:15] Carla
    Just cheer up already!
[15:17] Carla
    You already have a jackpot, you know...
[15:21] Carla
    The jackpot known as Carla.
[15:23] Voice
    Jackpot!
[15:23] Carla
    Gosh, I'm blushing.
[15:24] Alvin
    More like a crackpot!
[15:27] Carla
    But now that you have a sword,
[15:29] Carla
    show me the fruits of this
    daily training of yours!
[15:32] Medusa
    Not like one little sword is gonna
    make a difference against me!
[15:37] Carla
    She's mocking you, Alvin-san!
[15:40] Carla
    I believe in you!
[15:41] Carla
    I believe that your daily training
    will be a drop in the bucket!
[15:45] Alvin
    You realize you're making things
    worse right now, right?
[15:48] Carla
    No need to be worried!
[15:49] Carla
    I will support you!
[15:51] Alvin
    Now I'm even more worried!
[15:53] Medusa
    Two on one, eh?
[15:55] Medusa
    A perfectly fine handicap for me!
[15:57] Carla
    I'm the one with a handicap here!
[15:59] Carla
    Look at this guy!
[16:00] Alvin
    I can hear you, damn it!
[16:02] Alvin
    Say what you want about me, but all
    you do is sit on the back lines!
[16:06] Carla
    Say that all you like,
    but you're the one who—
[16:08] Medusa
    Here we go again!
[16:10] Dryad
    I can't tell if they are
    a good pairing or not.
[16:12] Carla
    What spell shall I use this time?
[16:15] Carla
    Drumroll...
[16:16] Carla
    Ta-da!
[16:18] Carla
    A defense-enhancing spell!
[16:22] Alvin
    Everything you do is unpleasant!
[16:24] Carla
    With one cast of this spell...
[16:27] Carla
    Behold!
[16:29] Alvin
    Behold what?
[16:30] Alvin
    All you did was clap your hands—
[16:33] Alvin
    Wait... what are you doing?
[16:36] Alvin
    What are you doing—
[16:43] Carla
    See? It didn't hurt at all, right?
[16:45] Alvin
    It certainly dealt psychological damage!
[16:47] Carla
    But there was no physical damage, was there?
[16:51] Carla
    That's because of my spell.
[16:53] Alvin
    It's true that it didn't hurt much at all...
[16:56] Dryad
    Perhaps she was unconsciously
    taking it easy on her comrade?
[16:59] Dryad
    Allow me to take over!
[17:01] Alvin
    Why?
[17:02] Dryad
    Just remove your armor and
    get down on all fours!
[17:06] Medusa
    Oh, me next! I wanna do it next!
[17:08] Alvin
    But why should I—
[17:10] Dryad
    Hurry!
[17:12] Alvin
    I'm not a chair, damn it!
[17:17] Dryad
    Let us begin!
[17:19] Dryad
    One more time!
[17:20] Dryad
    It's not over yet!
[17:22] Dryad
    Take that!
[17:23] Dryad
    You like that? Tell me you love it!
[17:26] Alvin
    Dryad-san, stop!
[17:30] Dryad
    Well? Any damage?
[17:31] Alvin
    Only to your image, I think!
[17:34] Dryad
    It does appear he didn't feel anything.
[17:37] Dryad
    What a disappointment.
[17:38] Alvin
    Could you not say stuff that
    could be taken the wrong way?
[17:40] Medusa
    Now it's my turn!
[17:42] Alvin
    But this is pretty cool!
    It doesn't hurt at all!
[17:45] Carla
    Right?
[17:46] Alvin
    Look at you!
    You actually cast a proper spell!
[17:50] Carla
    Sexual harassment...
[17:51] Alvin
    If not for that part...
[17:52] Medusa
    The next! Me! My turn!
[17:54] Alvin
    I'm not a dang punching bag!
[17:56] Alvin
    Fine.
[17:57] Alvin
    Thanks to Carla, I might just
    come out well in this match!
[18:00] Alvin
    And I have a sword!
[18:01] Carla
    But you should probably hurry.
[18:03] Carla
    When the spell ends, you'll feel the
    previously negated damage twice as hard!
[18:09] Carla
    Or was that ten times as hard?
[18:16] Medusa
    My turn!
[18:25] Carla
    Delicious!
[18:25] Medusa
    Yeah, not bad at all!
[18:28] Dryad
    I'm pleased that you like it.
[18:30] Dryad
    I made the cake out of the
    forest's best fruits.
[18:34] Medusa
    You're pretty good at the girl stuff,
    despite all the weird fetishes.
[18:37] Dryad
    You are quite the irritating, little reptile.
[18:39] Carla
    The taste puts me in mind of a temple
    built to restore the clean air
[18:42] Carla
    of a cursed ground plagued
    by storms of miasma.
[18:46] Carla
    Specifically, the flower that
    grows beside the wind god there.
[18:51] Carla
    Specifically, the caterpillars
    that feed on the flower.
[18:54] Dryad
    I don't believe that's a compliment.
[18:56] Dryad
    And how is Alvin-san feeling?
[19:00] Carla
    He'll wake up soon.
[19:02] Carla
    I drew him a special healing magic circle.
[19:09] Carla
    Thank you for letting us
    use your room, Dryad-san.
[19:12] Dryad
    Think nothing of it!
[19:13] Dryad
    Fate has brought us together, after all.
[19:15] Medusa
    It is a weird turn of fate that we're ending
    up in this kind of weird girls' get-together...
[19:19] Medusa
    Speaking of fate, how'd you end up
    in a party with that guy, Carla?
[19:24] Medusa
    This is kinda blunt, but what do you have to
    gain partying up with a warrior that weak?
[19:30] Medusa
    I mean, I can tell he's a decent dude...
[19:32] Medusa
    but as party members go,
    he seems like a bit of a load.
[19:36] Dryad
    I'm impressed he's even still alive.
[19:40] Medusa
    Oh, sorry!
[19:41] Medusa
    I wasn't trying to badmouth your partner...
[19:45] Carla
    Could I have another piece of cake?
[19:47] Dryad
    C-Certainly!
[19:48] Carla
    I understand how you feel, of course.
[19:51] Carla
    But he has quite a number of good points
[19:55] Carla
    as befits his title of
    "Weakest Loser Master King."
[19:57] Dryad
    I don't think I'd want traits
    befitting that title...
[20:01] Carla
    For instance...
[20:04] Medusa
    You're stuck already?
[20:07] Carla
    Patheticness!
[20:08] Medusa
    That's an insult.
[20:09] Carla
    Wretchedness!
[20:10] Medusa
    So is that.
[20:11] Carla
    Suckiness!
[20:12] Medusa
    Seriously?!
[20:15] Carla
    Um... but it's more than that.
[20:17] Medusa
    Maybe keep the next one to yourself.
[20:20] Carla
    Being with him is fun.
[20:28] Alvin
    What are we talking about?
[20:30] Carla
    You scared me... not a bit!
[20:33] Carla
    Not a tiny little bit!
[20:34] Alvin
    That was a hell of a reaction.
[20:37] Carla
    Did you hear what we were saying?
[20:40] Alvin
    No, all I heard was that you were talking.
[20:42] Medusa
    We were talking about you!
[20:45] Alvin
    About me?
[20:46] Alvin
    Nothing good, I'm sure.
[20:49] Alvin
    She's saying I'm pathetic and
    wretched and sucky, I'll bet.
[20:51] Dryad
    Three for three!
[20:53] Dryad
    B-But Carla-chan said you were—
[20:56] Alvin
    You scared me!
[20:58] Alvin
    Where did that come from?
[21:01] Carla
    I just saw a meteorite!
[21:03] Alvin
    Indoors?
[21:05] Alvin
    Sorry, could you say that again?
[21:08] Alvin
    Oh, shut up!
[21:09] Carla
    Wow! Shooting star!
[21:10] Alvin
    You can change what you call it,
    but we're still indoors!
[21:13] Alvin
    What in the world is wrong with you?
[21:15] Alvin
    Is it really something
    that bad for me to hear?
[21:17] Carla
    It's not like that.
[21:18] Alvin
    Then, shut up!
[21:20] Alvin
    Now, what were you talking about?
[21:22] Dryad
    W-Well—
[21:26] Dryad
    I'm sorry. I completely forgot!
[21:29] Medusa
    You forgot what we were just talking about?
[21:33] Medusa
    I remember, though!
[21:34] Dryad
    Please don't!
[21:35] Medusa
    Listen, Alvin!
[21:36] Medusa
    Carla said that being with you was—
[21:38] Carla
    Achoo!
[21:43] Carla
    Drat! I just sneezed!
[21:46] Alvin
    Who unleashes a tieshankao
    when they sneeze?!
SIGN    Try again in
    ten years' time!
SIGN    Next Time
[23:25] Dryad
    Next episode's title is...
[23:27] Medusa
    Dryad!
[23:28] Medusa
    Me, too! Me, too! Me, too!
[23:29] Medusa
    Let me do it, too!
[23:29] Dryad
    Don't interrupt, Medusa!
[23:32] Dryad
    Just sit there and do your "Shu-wah!"
[23:34] Medusa
    Aw, no way! No way!
[23:36] Medusa
    I wanna do it, too!
[23:36] Dryad
    You truly are annoying!
SIGN    "In the second half of this episode, we enter the "What Story Is This?"
    arc (though actually it's just the next two episodes) so let me explain
    once again for people not in the know that "What Story Is This?" is the
    webcomic version of the story that would eventually be published as
    "Don't Hurt Me, My Healer," so this arc isn't included in the printed
    comic but you should still be able to read it so go ahead and do that if
    you like but at the same time there's also a thankless role in the first
    half so I'll ask you to keep an eye on that because it's going to
    be clear it's an important event if you keep
    watching and that's the deal with episode 10."
SIGN    See you then!
[23:37] Medusa
    Let me try it!

Season 1

E10 - In the second half of this episode, we enter the "What Story Is This?" arc...

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:02] Alvin
    Monsters threaten human life.
[00:05] Alvin
    They are opposed by brave adventurers!
[00:10] Alvin
    And I, Alvin, am one of them!
[00:15] Alvin
    Now in a party with Carla, the healer,
[00:18] Alvin
    my journey continues!
SIGN    Don't Hurt Me,
SIGN    Don't Hurt Me,
SIGN    My Healer!
SIGN    In the second half of this episode, we enter the "What Story Is This?" arc...
[01:53] Alvin
    Excuse me!
[01:55] Receptionist
    Hello! Welcome to the Adventurers' Guild!
[01:59] Receptionist
    Well, well.
[02:00] Receptionist
    Good to see you, Alvin-san.
[02:02] Alvin
    It's been a while.
[02:04] Receptionist
    You're looking well, too, Carla-san.
[02:09] Alvin
    C'mon, say hello like a functional person!
[02:12] Carla
    Can you please not talk
    to me as if we're frie—
[02:14] Alvin
    Okay! That's quite enough!
[02:16] Alvin
    Apologies for my little goblin here.
[02:18] Receptionist
    N-Not at all.
[02:20] Receptionist
    I'm glad to see her as energetic as ever.
[02:22] Receptionist
    Now, how can I help you today?
[02:25] Alvin
    I'm here to review my adventurer rank.
[02:29] Receptionist
    Review your rank?
[02:32] Carla
    You're not thinking "he doesn't really think
    it's gone up? LOL-in-parentheses!" are you?
[02:36] Carla
    That's so rude!
[02:37] Alvin
    That's what you're thinking!
[02:39] Carla
    Actually, I was thinking "I really hope his
    rank hasn't gone down! LOL-in-parentheses."
[02:43] Carla
    It's very different!
[02:44] Alvin
    Well, keep it to yourself!
[02:46] Receptionist
    In this case, please apply your
    blood seal to this rank testing sheet.
[02:51] Receptionist
    The magic circle drawn on it will offer
    you a rank from one star to five stars
[02:55] Receptionist
    based on your accomplishments
    and experiences.
[02:58] Carla
    A blood seal?
[03:00] Carla
    Are you sure about that, Alvin-san?
[03:02] Alvin
    It's just a little prick on the fingertip.
[03:05] Alvin
    What are you so worried about?
[03:07] Carla
    I thought you might die from blood loss...
[03:09] Alvin
    Like hell!
[03:11] Carla
    You need a little help with that?
[03:13] Alvin
    You mean the healing part, right?
[03:15] Carla
    Come to think of it, Alvin-san.
    What is your current ranking?
[03:19] Carla
    Oh, sorry. I'm sure it's one star—
[03:22] Alvin
    Zero.
[03:23] Alvin
    Last time, the magic circle
    didn't react at all.
[03:26] Alvin
    Which means my rank is zero stars.
[03:29] Alvin
    Funny, isn't it?
[03:31] Carla
    I'm sorry.
[03:32] Carla
    It didn't occur to me that your rank
    might not be able to get any lower.
[03:37] Alvin
    By the way, what's your rank, Carla?
[03:40] Carla
    Well... three stars, actually.
[03:43] Alvin
    I see.
[03:46] Carla
    But I'm sure that with your stars, there were
    just too many dark clouds to see them...
[03:50] Carla
    Because they're stars... get it?
[03:53] Alvin
    "Too many dark clouds" is more
    like the story of my life.
[03:57] Receptionist
    Really not funny...
[03:57] Alvin
    Funny, right?
[03:59] Receptionist
    I'm sure it was just a
    defective testing sheet.
[04:03] Carla
    That's it!
[04:04] Carla
    I'm sure you just got
    unlucky with the device!
[04:07] Alvin
    Five times in a row?
[04:08] Carla
    Y-Yes, five defective sheets!
[04:11] Carla
    Poor Alvin-san! No luck at all!
[04:14] Carla
    Or "no rank at all," I guess I should say...
[04:17] Carla
    You know?
[04:24] Carla
    It's just a joke, Alvin-san!
[04:26] Carla
    I was trying to lighten the mood!
[04:28] Receptionist
    Calm down!
[04:29] Receptionist
    Throwing in more blood
    won't make a difference,
[04:31] Receptionist
    so please don't do anything
    we'll both regret!
[04:33] Carla
    I'm sure you'll get stars this time,
[04:35] Carla
    even without offering up your worthless arm!
[04:37] Carla
    You've survived encounters
    with all kinds of monsters.
[04:40] Carla
    The golem, the cyclops, the
    necromancer... even the Medusa!
[04:44] Receptionist
    Really?
[04:46] Receptionist
    You survived battles with all
    of those savage monsters?
[04:49] Alvin
    Well... that technically
    describes it, but...
[04:52] Receptionist
    I'm sure you'll get one star—
    no, you could even get four!
[04:57] Alvin
    You think?
[04:58] Carla
    Isn't that great?
[04:59] Carla
    You'll be propelled into the
    ranks of the adventuring elite!
[05:02] Alvin
    Well, well... We don't know
    that for sure, just yet.
[05:06] Alvin
    But it is true.
[05:07] Alvin
    I have had experiences that
    most adventurers haven't.
[05:11] Alvin
    I think I've been doing pretty
    good, relatively speaking!
[05:14] Carla
    Can we skip past the small
    talk and get to the testing?
[05:18] Alvin
    C'mon, don't rush me!
[05:20] Alvin
    Boy, might be about time
    to figure out my title!
[05:23] Alvin
    You know?
[05:24] Alvin
    How many stars will I get?
[05:29] Carla
    Look, Alvin-san! It's changing!
[05:31] Carla
    You've got at least one star!
SIGN    (LOL)
[05:39] Carla
    LOL-in-parentheses.
[05:42] Receptionist
    I told you, it doesn't matter
    how much blood you use!
[05:51] Alvin
    You could have picked a
    better way to stop me!
[05:53] Brigan
    What's this?
[05:54] Brigan
    I thought I heard a commotion
    in here. If it isn't Alvin!
[05:57] Brigan
    What a surprise...
[05:59] Brigan
    That you're still alive, that is.
[06:01] Brigan
    I figured you'd died to
    some stray dog's bite.
[06:04] Carla
    You know him?
[06:06] Alvin
    Yeah... he's an adventurer, just like us.
[06:10] Brigan
    Just like you?
[06:12] Brigan
    Don't make me laugh!
[06:13] Brigan
    A pathetic weenie like you doesn't
    belong in the same category as me!
[06:17] Carla
    What did he just say?
[06:18] Alvin
    Let it go. It's just a cheap provocation.
[06:21] Carla
    Did you just call Alvin-san a lousy, stinking,
    slug weenie loser nothing old man?!
[06:27] Carla
    How dare you?!
[06:28] Alvin
    He didn't say most of that!
[06:29] Carla
    Who in the world is this guy who
    looks like an escaped felon?
[06:32] Brigan
    Escaped felon?!
[06:35] Brigan
    You're a funny little kid...
[06:37] Brigan
    Mind telling me your name?
[06:38] Carla
    Don't you know it's basic manners to give
    your name before asking for someone else's?
[06:44] Carla
    Oh, wait! You don't want to give your
    name because you're on the run!
[06:47] Brigan
    You little brat...
[06:49] Alvin
    Calm down, Brigan!
[06:50] Alvin
    She doesn't mean any harm!
    She just doesn't have a filter, that's all!
[06:55] Carla
    Brigan. I see.
[06:55] Alvin
    I truly apologize for my little goblin!
[06:57] Carla
    Is that your name?
[06:59] Carla
    That's a very nice name.
[07:01] Carla
    Yes, yes...
[07:02] Alvin
    See? That's also how she feels!
[07:04] Carla
    It sounds like "prison."
[07:06] Carla
    Perfect for an escaped convict.
[07:07] Alvin
    You didn't have to say that!
[07:09] Brigan
    You lousy, little dark elf...
[07:11] Brigan
    Give it a rest—
[07:13] Brigan
    A dark elf, dressed as a healer...
[07:16] Brigan
    The irritating behavior...
[07:18] Brigan
    You're not "Carla," are you?
[07:21] Carla
    Indeed I am!
[07:22] Carla
    Carla, also known as the goddess
    who descended from the heavens!
[07:26] Carla
    Smug face!
[07:27] Alvin
    I wish you could have descended
    straight to the underworld...
[07:31] Brigan
    You two have formed a party, then, have you?
[07:34] Alvin
    Well... there were circumstances.
[07:40] Brigan
    The infamous disaster
    land mine healer Carla,
[07:44] Brigan
    and "the walking load" Alvin,
    in a party together?
[07:49] Brigan
    This is too priceless!
[07:50] Carla
    H-How dare you?!
[07:52] Carla
    Did you hear what he said to us, Alvin-san?
[07:55] Carla
    Doesn't it frustrate you?
[07:57] Alvin
    But I can't exactly say he's wrong...
[08:00] Carla
    He called me the "disaster land mine healer"!
[08:03] Carla
    Doesn't it frustrate you?
[08:04] Alvin
    Oh, that part? Not at all.
[08:07] Carla
    It frustrates me.
[08:09] Carla
    To hear him call you "the walking load"...
[08:12] Alvin
    Carla...
[08:13] Carla
    You don't just walk! You talk, too!
[08:16] Alvin
    Speaking of, I could do with
    a lot less talking from you!
[08:18] Brigan
    C'mon, that was a compliment.
[08:20] Brigan
    A pain in the ass elf and
    a human ball and chain.
[08:22] Brigan
    You're a perfect match!
[08:25] Carla
    A p-perfect match?
[08:27] Carla
    Gosh, I wouldn't say that...
[08:29] Carla
    Right?
[08:29] Alvin
    Pure slander.
[08:31] Carla
    Why don't we call ourselves "Team Exile"?
[08:34] Alvin
    I hate that too much!
[08:35] Alvin
    And why are you enjoying this?!
[08:37] Brigan
    Exile! I love it!
[08:40] Brigan
    You've got good taste!
[08:42] Carla
    Right? Right?
[08:44] Carla
    Though, Brigan-san,
    you deserve the title "Ex-Con."
[08:50] Brigan
    You little brat!
[08:55] Carla
    H-He's mad for no reason!
[08:57] Carla
    What a low boiling point!
[08:58] Alvin
    Not for no reason!
[09:00] Alvin
    I'm impressed he lasted as long as he did!
[09:01] Brigan
    What do you take me for?
[09:03] Brigan
    Guess I'll have to teach
    you a painful lesson!
[09:06] Brigan
    Hey, Alvin!
[09:07] Brigan
    Let me at her—
[09:08] Alvin
    But I refuse!
[09:09] Alvin
    I'm not such a coward as to sit back and
    take all the abuse you've dished out, either.
[09:14] Carla
    Alvin-san...
[09:16] Brigan
    What, you wanna fight?
[09:18] Brigan
    Sounds good to me!
[09:19] Brigan
    Let's step outside!
[09:21] Carla
    Wh-What will we do?
[09:22] Alvin
    Accept the challenge.
[09:24] Alvin
    I have my own form of pride!
[09:26] Alvin
    But he's probably going
    beat the shit out of me,
[09:29] Alvin
    so could I get some healing afterwards?
[09:31] Carla
    Sure thing!
[09:33] Brigan
    Hey, what's wrong?
[09:34] Brigan
    Are you coming or not, you filthy coward?
[09:37] Alvin
    Shut up!
[09:38] Alvin
    I'm on my way! Just you wait!
[09:40] Brigan
    Don't run away!
[09:41] Alvin
    Please. I've been waiting for this!
[09:44] Carla
    You're open!
[09:47] Alvin
    B-Brigan!
[09:51] Alvin
    What did you do?!
[09:53] Carla
    Well, he was wide open...
[09:56] Carla
    I thought he was asking for it.
[09:58] Alvin
    Are you an assassin now?!
SIGN    The legendary
    pro wrestler
    The Cuban
    Assassin
    #1
SIGN    m 0 0 l 15 0 l 15 20 l 0 20
SIGN    Special Moves:
SIGN    Any rule-breaking
    attack
[09:59] Alvin
    Not that!
SIGN    Special Moves:
SIGN    Any surprise
    attack
[10:01] Alvin
    Yes, more like that!
[10:04] Alvin
    Thank goodness! He's alive!
[10:05] Brigan
    Wh-What just happened?
[10:07] Alvin
    Well, actually... I'm sorry...
[10:10] Alvin
    No, maybe we should treat them first?
[10:12] Carla
    This is where I step in.
[10:16] Alvin
    Why are you tying him up?!
[10:18] Carla
    Got him in custody!
[10:19] Alvin
    He's seriously not an escaped felon!
[10:27] Alvin
    Is this the mansion in question?
[10:30] Carla
    Yes.
[10:31] Carla
    The mansion in which the evil spirit dwells.
[10:35] Carla
    We have to exorcise it, right?
[10:38] Alvin
    Yes...
[10:39] Alvin
    We destroyed a table in
    that fight with Brigan,
[10:42] Alvin
    and made a lot of trouble for the Guild.
[10:44] Alvin
    So this is our punishment.
[10:46] Alvin
    It looks like an ordinary
    old ruin at a glance,
[10:48] Alvin
    but I detect a terrifying aura from it.
[10:51] Carla
    I hear it's known as the
    "Shocking Rocking Horror House!"
[10:55] Alvin
    Suddenly, it sounds like an attraction.
[10:58] Carla
    But the rumors say that anyone who
    enters this mansion never comes out alive.
[11:05] Carla
    It's believed that they're killed by
    the evil spirit that dwells within.
[11:09] Alvin
    There it is!
    The classic horror house setup line!
[11:13] Alvin
    It's always made up! Don't tell me you
    actually believe, etcetera, etcetera.
[11:16] Carla
    You mean you don't believe in it?
[11:18] Alvin
    Is there anyone who actually
    believes stories like that?
[11:21] Carla
    Ackchyuwally...
[11:23] Carla
    I invited a special guest
    along to attest to just that.
[11:27] Carla
    This person infiltrated
    the mansion once before.
[11:31] Alvin
    You can't do that! The setup is supposed
    to be that no one leaves there alive!
[11:34] Carla
    Show yourself!
[11:36] Anna
    Oh, hello there!
[11:37] Alvin
    Well, that's freaking haunted!
[11:39] Carla
    This is Anna-san, a former thief
    who infiltrated the mansion
[11:44] Carla
    and was tragically killed
    by the evil spirit there.
[11:46] Carla
    Let's give her a hand!
[11:47] Anna
    P-Please don't, Carla-chan!
[11:49] Anna
    It's embarrassing!
[11:50] Carla
    But I need to give you
    a proper introduction.
[11:52] Anna
    But if you say I was "tragically killed,"
    it makes me sound like a bad thief!
[11:56] Carla
    But you did die, so...
[11:58] Anna
    It's not like that!
[11:59] Anna
    That evil spirit was really, really tough!
SIGN    Pad it with small talk!
[12:01] Alvin
    What the heck is he doing?
[12:02] Alvin
    Wait, are you still here?!
[12:04] Alvin
    Where have you been?
[12:05] Kinoko
    Well, I was looking for Big Sis Carla's
    crystal ball, and I got lost...
[12:11] Alvin
    We wrapped up that nonsense
    a while back, actually.
[12:13] Kinoko
    What?
[12:14] Carla
    Well, I'd rather not stand
    outside talking forever.
[12:16] Carla
    Let's go into the mansion
    and discuss it in there.
[12:19] Anna
    It is awfully cold today...
[12:21] Carla
    The chill of the grave, right?
[12:23] Alvin
    Wait, wait, wait!
[12:25] Carla
    What?
[12:26] Carla
    We were going to go into the mansion,
[12:28] Carla
    roll some dice with subjects written on them,
[12:30] Carla
    and have a nice talk based on
    the outcome of the roll...
[12:32] Anna
    Happy! Rappy! Exciting talk!
[12:34] Alvin
    Just shut up!
[12:36] Carla
    What, you want to be part
    of our girls' talk?
[12:38] Anna
    As a man in his thirties,
    would you be able to contribute?
[12:41] Alvin
    How did you know how old I—
[12:43] Alvin
    But never mind that!
[12:44] Alvin
    The mansion is dangerous, right?
[12:46] Alvin
    Why are you trying to go
    in like it's nothing?
[12:48] Alvin
    We need to hear what she has to
    say, figure out a plan, and—
[12:51] Carla
    Oho? Don't tell me...
[12:54] Anna
    Aw, no way!
[12:56] Alvin
    What?
[12:58] Alvin
    It's not like I'm afraid or—
[12:59] Carla
    Oho!
[13:01] Alvin
    Just say it outright!
[13:02] Alvin
    And just so we're clear,
    I'm not afraid at all!
[13:05] Alvin
    I mean it!
[13:06] Carla
    Don't be ashamed!
[13:07] Carla
    Everyone has things they're afraid of.
[13:09] Carla
    And evil spirits are like
    a reminder of death!
[13:12] Carla
    Death is a fear that all
    living beings share!
[13:16] Alvin
    I told you, I'm not scared!
[13:18] Carla
    But here's a question: Da-dun!
[13:21] Carla
    Who's the holy woman that evil spirits fear,
[13:25] Carla
    with divine protection, a vulnerable gaze that
    inflames the protective instincts of others,
[13:29] Carla
    silver hair, dark skin,
    and an altogether enchanting visage?
[13:49] Carla
    Correct!
[13:51] Alvin
    What in the world are you talking about?
[13:53] Carla
    Well, we have our plan to
    deal with the evil spirit.
[13:56] Carla
    Let's go exorcise the thing!
[13:58] Anna
    Yeah!
[13:59] Alvin
    H-Hey!
[14:01] Carla
    What's wrong!
[14:03] Carla
    There is nothing to be afraid of.
[14:05] Alvin
    You're the thing I'm afraid of!
[14:08] Carla
    It's fine.
[14:09] Carla
    You have me, and I have a divine protection.
[14:12] Carla
    Besides, the evil spirit might
    be willing to listen to reason.
[14:17] Carla
    And even if it's not willing
    to listen to reason,
[14:20] Carla
    I can pound reason into it using
    my iron fists of brotherly love!
[14:24] Alvin
    How in the world do you get
    "fists of brotherly love"?
[14:32] Ryoko
    Welcome ho—
[14:33] Carla
    I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm an
    absolutely worthless trash healer.
[14:36] Carla
    I am truly grateful you would form
    a party with one as worthless as I.
[14:39] Carla
    At the same time, I am
    extremely filled with guilt.
[14:41] Alvin
    Crap! She's gone crazy from the fear,
    and she's actually talking sense!
[14:44] Carla
    I'm so obnoxious and worthless I should just
    go home and live as a shut-in forever.
[14:49] Alvin
    Hey. Don't talk like that!
[14:51] Alvin
    It's okay. I'll forgive you for everything
    that's happened between us.
[14:54] Alvin
    So please, stay exactly as you are now!
[14:58] Alvin
    I'm begging you!
SIGN    Sincere
[15:01] Carla
    What a generous thing to say!
[15:03] Carla
    The kindness to accept the
    faults of anyone around you...
[15:05] Carla
    You sound almost like...
[15:07] Carla
    Like me!
[15:08] Alvin
    Damn it! She's back!
[15:10] Carla
    That's better.
[15:12] Carla
    I didn't expect it to be that intense.
[15:15] Alvin
    I agree.
[15:17] Carla
    An aura of hostility so powerful,
    it shakes even me...
[15:21] Carla
    Clearly, this is not an enemy we can
    deal with through normal means.
[15:24] Carla
    But...
[15:27] Carla
    A new sacrifice has
    resulted from my failure!
[15:31] Alvin
    This is pretty tough.
[15:34] Alvin
    But can't you use a resurrection
    spell on the evil spirit?
[15:39] Carla
    You magic-ignorant bumpkins
    are so troubling sometimes.
[15:42] Carla
    Resurrection is an extremely
    high-level spell.
[15:45] Carla
    It's not something I can
    simply use on command!
[15:48] Carla
    Of course, I can use it...
[15:50] Alvin
    You can?
[15:51] Carla
    But I still have a long way to go.
[15:54] Carla
    I can only resurrect someone who's
    been dead three seconds or fewer.
[15:58] Alvin
    Three seconds?
[15:59] Alvin
    Well, I guess it's better
    than not having it at all...
[16:01] Carla
    However...
[16:02] Carla
    the time it takes to cast
    the resurrection spell...
[16:06] Carla
    is... dun-dun-dun! Ten seconds!
[16:08] Alvin
    You won't make it in time!
[16:09] Carla
    But if I start thinking you might die,
    I can start the incantation in advance.
[16:13] Alvin
    So you might cast it before I die?
[16:17] Alvin
    Well, never mind.
[16:18] Alvin
    Let's just get out of here.
[16:20] Carla
    Could you please wait just a minute?
[16:22] Alvin
    What is it?
[16:23] Carla
    That evil spirit said something, didn't it?
[16:26] Alvin
    I do think it tried to say "welcome home."
[16:28] Carla
    That's right.
[16:29] Alvin
    What about it?
[16:31] Carla
    It just seemed awfully presumptuous
    of it. I mean, we'd just met!
[16:35] Alvin
    Are you seriously...
[16:37] Carla
    Plus, I'm supposed to be an
    entity that evil spirits fear.
[16:40] Carla
    So having that thing say "welcome home☆" as
    it escorts me inside feels kind of insulting.
[16:45] Alvin
    I don't think it was quite that friendly...
[16:47] Carla
    This has never happened before.
[16:49] Carla
    I've never had an evil spirit show
    such a lack of respect before.
[16:52] Carla
    I'm not the kind of girl who
    can take this lying down!
[16:55] Carla
    I'm going to put that evil spirit
    in a catgirl maid outfit,
[16:58] Carla
    and make it say "welcome home, mew☆!"
[17:01] Alvin
    That doesn't seem like
    much of a punishment...
[17:04] Carla
    Don't worry.
[17:05] Carla
    I won't be rough with it.
[17:07] Carla
    I'm just going to put it
    in a catgirl maid outfit.
[17:10] Alvin
    I've forgotten why we came
    here in the first place.
[17:13] Carla
    Allow me tieshankao!
[17:14] Alvin
    Do you have to open it like that?!
[17:16] Carla
    Now, show yourself!
[17:17] Carla
    I'll teach you proper manners for someone
    you're meeting for the first time!
[17:21] Alvin
    I don't want to hear that from someone
    who doesn't know how to open a door...
[17:28] Carla
    I-It's here, isn't it?!
[17:29] Carla
    Y-You certainly humiliated me before!
[17:33] Carla
    But this time, you won't
    find it so easy-peasy!
[17:36] Alvin
    Open your eyes! Don't point at me!
[17:39] Alvin
    Carla!
[17:40] Carla
    Wh-What now?!
[17:41] Carla
    Are you trying to scare me?
[17:42] Alvin
    Just look behind you!
[17:43] Carla
    You can't scare me again!
[17:45] Carla
    But if you shout out "wah" or something...
[17:47] Ryoko
    Welcome home, mew!
[17:50] Alvin
    That's pushing it!
[17:51] Alvin
    But isn't that nice?
[17:53] Alvin
    It looks like it's reasonable after all!
[17:56] Carla
    It's completely wrong!
[17:59] Carla
    Just completely wrong!
[18:01] Carla
    It's obvious your heart's not in it!
[18:04] Carla
    It's not just a matter of appearance!
    It's a matter of dedication!
[18:06] Carla
    Right?
[18:07] Alvin
    The minute she realizes it's reasonable,
    she starts walking all over it...
[18:11] Alvin
    But that face!
[18:13] Carla
    What people want from maids
    these days is rejuvenation.
[18:16] Alvin
    What's with the holy woman pose?
[18:18] Carla
    A truly heartfelt desire to serve another
[18:21] Carla
    is more rejuvenating than any healing spell.
[18:24] Carla
    It is, indeed, the ultimate rejuvenation!
[18:26] Carla
    But merely putting on a maid outfit
    will not confer true rejuvenation!
[18:31] Alvin
    There are some healers who can't
    rejuvenate a damned thing, either.
[18:34] Carla
    But...
[18:36] Carla
    Seeking rejuvenation from an evil spirit
    like you might be too high a bar...
[18:45] Carla
    All right. I know what to do!
[18:47] Carla
    Just this one time,
    the rejuvenation specialist,
[18:50] Carla
    "rejuvelist" for short...
[18:52] Alvin
    That's hard to say!
[18:54] Carla
    ...will teach you the hidden
    secrets of rejuvenation!
[18:56] Ryoko
    For real?
[18:57] Carla
    It's going to be hard, violent training.
[19:00] Carla
    Do you still wish to pursue it?
[19:02] Ryoko
    Please!
[19:03] Alvin
    That was easy!
SIGN    Push-ups x 100
    Sit-ups x 200
    Voice Training x 10 minutes
    Squats 2 sets of 10
[19:05] Alvin
    And so Carla unveiled her
    intense training regimen.
SIGN    Carla-chan Awesome!! x 100
[19:11] Alvin
    She unveiled it, but she didn't
    actually put it into practice.
[19:15] Carla
    Honestly, smiling's about
    all you need to do...
[19:18] Ryoko
    Right...
[19:19] Alvin
    Then she talked about
    something-or-other for five minutes...
[19:21] Alvin
    And then...
[19:23] Carla
    All done! Yay!
[19:27] Alvin
    It doesn't look any different...
[19:29] Alvin
    Actually, it's gotten more twisted!
[19:31] Carla
    Now, do just as I advised you!
[19:34] Alvin
    Advised her?
[19:35] Alvin
    Did you do that?
[19:36] Ryoko
    W... W...
[19:40] Ryoko
    W-W-Welcome home...
[19:43] Alvin
    This doesn't seem good!
[19:48] both
    Mew!
[19:49] Alvin
    No freakin' way!
[19:51] Alvin
    Wait, wait!
[19:52] Alvin
    Who the hell is that?
[19:53] Carla
    Who is it? What's wrong with you?
[19:56] Carla
    It's the evil spirit!
[19:58] Carla
    She's been here the whole time!
[20:00] Alvin
    Has not!
[20:01] Alvin
    That's obviously a different life form!
SIGN    After
SIGN    Before
[20:04] Carla
    Life form? You old silly!
[20:06] Carla
    She's totally dead!
[20:08] Alvin
    That's not the point!
[20:10] Carla
    Well, I'm sure it's very surprising to you,
[20:13] Carla
    and I'm sure you want to
    shower me with praise...
[20:15] Carla
    And I really appreciate
    the round of applause...
[20:18] Carla
    But please, let's turn it down,
    and sit back down.
[20:20] Alvin
    Nobody's giving you a standing ovation!
[20:23] Carla
    Before I could pass on the
    secrets of rejuvenation,
[20:26] Carla
    I had to purify the heart of my successor!
[20:29] Alvin
    Hang on a minute.
[20:30] Alvin
    That means you couldn't
    possibly pass on any secrets!
[20:33] Alvin
    Because your own heart is pitch black!
[20:36] Alvin
    There, I win.
[20:37] Carla
    As a result, the evil spirit
    was purified, inside and out.
[20:42] Alvin
    Hey, don't just ignore me.
[20:44] Carla
    Earlier, too, we weren't just talking.
[20:47] Carla
    I was letting her vent all her
    anger, stress, and worries.
[20:51] Alvin
    Are you a counselor now?
[20:52] Carla
    And I carefully plucked out the
    seeds of her anger and resentment.
[20:56] Alvin
    Do you have a per-episode
    quota for that pose?
[20:58] Carla
    Yes, it's almost like...
[21:00] Carla
    the way the Grim Reaper plucks
    out the life of a living being.
[21:03] Carla
    Right?
[21:04] Alvin
    Not a great choice of words.
[21:05] Anna
    Hang on a minute!
[21:07] Alvin
    Oh, you're back to life?
[21:08] Alvin
    Actually, I guess you're still dead...
[21:10] Anna
    Thank you for the help before.
[21:12] Anna
    No, wait!
[21:13] Anna
    She's pretty cute now that
    she's been purified, but...
[21:17] Anna
    Having two cute little ghosts
    around is just redundant!
[21:22] Alvin
    Is that all you have to say
    to the being that killed you?
[21:25] Mushroom
    Wait just a mushroom!
[21:27] Mushroom
    There's only room for one cute mascot
    on this team, and that's me!
[21:30] Alvin
    No one actually thinks of you that way...
[21:32] Carla
    Wait a minute!
[21:33] Carla
    The cute mascot on this
    team is obviously m—
[21:34] Alvin
    I'm not letting you finish that one!
[21:44] Carla
    The real cutie on this team is m—
[21:44] Alvin
    I'm not letting you say it!
SIGN    Next Time
[23:25] Anna
    Isn't that great, Ryoko-chan?
[23:27] Anna
    We've made our anime debut!
[23:28] Ryoko
    We have, Anna-san!
[23:29] Ryoko
    Especially since we don't appear
    in the official publication!
[23:32] Anna
    But becoming regulars as of
    the next episode is like a dream!
[23:35] Ryoko
    Let's do our best
    to make the show exciting!
SIGN    "So, this is Part 2 of the "What Story Is This?" arc and I'm really
    glad we found out a way for Anna and Ryoko to get involved
    and also to fill in some time based on the fact that there's not
    enough manga material available but there's also a reference
    to that classic family anime in this episode that I think a lot
    of people will get even if I don't explain it but it's been a chance
    to think about how animators back then had to put so much care
    into drawing each cel by hand instead of doing it digitally like
    we do now which is pretty cool and that's the deal with episode 11."
SIGN    See you then!
[23:37] Anna
    Wait, there're only two more episodes!
[23:39] Ryoko
    Wh—

Season 1

E11 - So, this is Part 2 of the "What Story Is This?" arc...

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:02] Alvin
    Monsters threaten human life.
[00:05] Alvin
    They are opposed by brave adventurers!
[00:10] Alvin
    And I, Alvin, am one of them!
[00:15] Alvin
    Now in a party with Carla, the healer,
[00:18] Alvin
    my journey continues!
SIGN    Don't Hurt Me,
SIGN    Don't Hurt Me,
SIGN    My Healer!
SIGN    So, this is Part 2 of the "What Story Is This?" arc...
SIGN    C'mon, open it! At least try?
[01:58] Carla
    This is... a treasure chest, right?
[02:01] Alvin
    Yeah.
[02:02] Alvin
    But I never thought I would find
    myself mocked by a treasure chest.
SIGN    C'mon, open it! At least try?
[02:07] Alvin
    Or maybe mocked by a sign?
[02:09] Carla
    I think it's quite amazing.
[02:11] Carla
    It means you're an exceptional person.
[02:13] Alvin
    It's extremely upsetting.
[02:15] Alvin
    Who'd leave a treasure chest
    in the middle of the road?
[02:18] Alvin
    It's too strange.
[02:20] Carla
    It's definitely strange.
[02:22] Carla
    Well, should we open it?
[02:23] Alvin
    Ah, the strangeness is coming
    from inside the house.
[02:26] Carla
    You don't want to open it?
[02:28] Carla
    We are still adventurers,
    crumble though we are.
[02:31] Carla
    We really should open it!
[02:32] Alvin
    I think you meant "humble" there.
[02:34] Alvin
    And you'd have to be stupid to open
    something that obviously fishy...
[02:38] Alvin
    About as stupid as you are, I guess.
[02:41] Carla
    C-Cruelzo!
[02:43] Carla
    Did you just call me stupid?
[02:46] Carla
    Wait, maybe he said "student"
    and I just misheard.
[02:49] Carla
    Did you call me a stude—
[02:51] Alvin
    I said stupid.
[02:54] Carla
    You said stupid?
[02:56] Alvin
    No getting around that one, I'm afraid.
[02:58] Carla
    And by "stupid" you didn't mean
    "stupid cute" or something like that?
[03:03] Carla
    Like a puppy?
[03:04] Alvin
    No.
[03:05] Carla
    Come on, try to mean that!
[03:06] Alvin
    I refuse!
[03:07] Carla
    I'm begging you!
[03:09] Alvin
    Stop it! What are you doing?!
[03:10] Alvin
    Don't pull it! Let go!
[03:13] Anna
    Hey, you two.
[03:14] Alvin
    What?
[03:15] Anna
    I just checked it with my thief skills,
[03:18] Anna
    and there are no traps of any
    kind on the treasure chest.
[03:21] Alvin
    What?
[03:21] Alvin
    But it's such an obvious trap!
[03:24] Anna
    Maybe they gave it the trap-like
    trappings to keep people away?
[03:29] Anna
    I can't say for sure, but there
    might be a real treasure in there!
[03:33] Alvin
    There's no way...
[03:35] Alvin
    But I guess it's not impossible.
[03:37] Alvin
    And if the chest is there,
    we might as well try.
[03:40] Carla
    Open it! Open it! Open it!
SIGN    Open it! Scrub-brush!
[03:44] Carla
    Scrub-brush! Scrub-brush! Scrub-brush!
[03:45] Alvin
    Stop egging me on!
[03:49] Alvin
    If there aren't any traps,
    I might as well open it...
[03:52] Alvin
    But it'll probably be a prank, or a
    sign reading "Sorry! No treasure!"
[03:56] Anna
    Yeah, probably.
[03:58] Carla
    Scrub-brush.
[03:59] Anna
    Oh, wait a minute!
[04:01] Anna
    Although there are no traps
    on the chest itself—
[04:07] Anna
    I was about to say, there are frequently
    traps around a treasure chest,
[04:11] Anna
    so you should be careful...
[04:13] Anna
    But I guess I was too late.
[04:16] Carla
    Alvin-san's special talent.
[04:19] Carla
    The hole-in-one.
[04:27] Carla
    A-A-Are you all right?
[04:29] Alvin
    Yeah.
[04:30] Carla
    Were you hurt?
[04:32] Alvin
    Yeah.
[04:33] Alvin
    You don't seem bothered in the slightest!
[04:35] Carla
    Can you get out?
[04:37] Alvin
    Hang on. Let's see.
[04:40] Alvin
    I guess not.
[04:42] Anna
    I was just thinking...
[04:45] Alvin
    What is it?
[04:46] sign
    m 0 0 l 211 0 l 211 75 l 0 75
SIGN    1 Mushroom 1 Person on a side-quest
    
     gathering medicinal herbs and edible plants
[04:46] Anna
    Altargaia is knowledgeable about medicinal
    herbs and other plants, right?
[04:50] Kinoko
    These are good for diarrhea.
[04:53] Ryoko
    My!
[04:54] Ryoko
    We really picked a lot!
[04:57] Anna
    Ryoko-san has incredible storage skills.
[05:01] Anna
    I have a fair amount of thief skills.
[05:04] Alvin
    Yeah.
[05:05] Anna
    Carla-chan is a holy woman.
[05:07] Alvin
    There's room for debate on that one!
[05:09] Carla
    Objection!
[05:10] Alvin
    Quiet, you!
[05:11] Anna
    In other words, we all have our
    personal skills and specialties.
[05:16] Alvin
    Can we not go here?
[05:17] Anna
    But you, quite frankly—
[05:19] Carla
    Anna-san!
[05:20] Carla
    Please don't say that.
[05:22] Alvin
    Could you not dust yourself off right there?
[05:24] Carla
    A person's worth isn't decided by
    how useful or useless they are.
[05:28] Alvin
    And you're standing on my mantle.
[05:31] Carla
    Besides, Alvin-san has a lot of good points!
[05:34] Alvin
    Let's hear them!
[05:36] Carla
    Well, you know... the things!
[05:39] Alvin
    You don't know.
[05:41] Carla
    I do so!
[05:43] Carla
    You just have so many good points,
    I can't figure out where to start!
[05:46] Carla
    In one moment's thought,
    I came up with 200 million!
[05:49] Alvin
    Liar. You haven't thought of a single—
[05:51] Alvin
    Wait, 200 million?!
[05:52] Alvin
    That's the number children
    use when they're lying!
[05:55] Alvin
    At least say a hundred!
[05:57] Carla
    A hundred good points?
    Don't you think highly of yourself!
[06:01] Alvin
    Yeah, right!
[06:03] Alvin
    Whatever. You're trying to say
    I don't have any good points.
[06:06] Carla
    That's not true!
[06:08] Carla
    Here's one!
[06:10] Carla
    Those tin plates you're always wearing
[06:12] Carla
    are great for grilling meat!
[06:13] Alvin
    What are you talking about?
[06:15] Alvin
    And that doesn't even
    qualify as a good point!
[06:17] Carla
    Number two!
[06:18] Alvin
    No one asked!
[06:22] Alvin
    You've got nothing!
[06:23] Carla
    Here's one!
[06:24] Carla
    You can also grill fish!
[06:26] Alvin
    In other words, nothing!
[06:28] Anna
    Carla-chan, Carla-chan.
[06:30] Anna
    Don't forget...
[06:31] Carla
    Oh, that's right.
[06:33] Carla
    I forgot something very important!
[06:35] Carla
    First, you need to add oil!
[06:37] Carla
    It'll burn if you don't.
[06:39] Alvin
    I don't care how you do it!
[06:40] Alvin
    Why are you talking about
    using my armor to cook?!
[06:45] Alvin
    You're supposed to be talking
    about my good points!
[06:46] Alvin
    At least say I'm nice or something!
[06:49] Carla
    Y-You can cook rice, too?!
[06:52] Carla
    The wonders of civilization!
[06:54] Alvin
    Just rip my ears off!
[07:15] Anna
    Don't push yourself too hard!
[07:17] Alvin
    What exactly are you doing?
[07:18] Anna
    Well? Can you get out now?
[07:21] Alvin
    Why would you even think that?
[07:22] Carla
    Very strange...
[07:24] Alvin
    Talking about yourself, now?
[07:25] Carla
    The moment I said, "Pah!"
[07:28] Carla
    I thought you'd "vwoop" out of the hole
[07:29] Alvin
    Boop!
[07:30] Carla
    and land like "boop!"
[07:31] Carla
    It wasn't a dream!
[07:33] Carla
    But I guess I can't do it
    like the professionals do.
[07:36] Carla
    Whew, that was hard work!
[07:38] Alvin
    The professionals?
[07:40] Carla
    You don't know it? The famous ones!
[07:42] Alvin
    I seriously have no idea
    what you're talking about!
[07:44] Anna
    Come on! Carla-chan is working
    very hard to try and save you!
[07:48] Anna
    You need to put in the work, too!
[07:50] Alvin
    Come on, I'm stuck in here and can't get—
[07:53] Alvin
    Hey, I'm more mobile than I thought I was!
[07:56] Anna
    See?
[07:57] Alvin
    Sorry...
[07:58] Alvin
    I might just be able to pull myself out!
[08:01] Carla
    Wait one minute.
[08:03] Carla
    I'm going to try and save you.
[08:05] Carla
    Per-so-nall-y!
[08:08] Alvin
    Seriously, it's fine.
[08:09] Alvin
    I can probably get myself out.
[08:10] Carla
    No, pushing yourself is forbidden.
[08:12] Alvin
    Seriously, it's fine!
[08:13] Carla
    Please, accept my offer.
[08:15] Carla
    If you're not careful,
    you might tear yourself in half.
[08:18] Carla
    Just leave this to me.
[08:19] Alvin
    I won't tear myself in half! I'm fine!
[08:22] Carla
    No, there's a roughly 90%
    chance that you will.
[08:24] Anna
    Let her do it!
[08:26] Anna
    I think Carla-chan really wants to help you!
[08:28] Alvin
    What a freaking pain!
[08:30] Alvin
    Fine.
[08:32] Alvin
    All right, Carla, help me out.
[08:36] Carla
    I-Indeed I shall!
[08:41] Anna
    Carla-chan?
[08:42] Carla
    I know I typically annoy him,
    but we've been through so much...
[08:47] Carla
    Enough to suggest that I'm going to
    keep annoying him in the future,
[08:49] Carla
    but he'll tolerate it better
    if I get on his good side now!
[08:53] Carla
    All right, time is money, people!
[08:54] Carla
    We'll start from the part
    where you ask me for help—
[08:56] Alvin
    Up I go.
[08:58] Alvin
    Boy, I'm all dirty.
[09:01] Alvin
    I better find somewhere to wash off.
[09:02] Carla
    Are you just playing with my feelings?!
[09:05] Alvin
    It was pretty obvious you
    were plotting against me.
[09:08] Carla
    Monster! Beast! Devil! Cultist!
    Lord of Darkness! Emperor of Darkness!
[09:12] Carla
    River demon! Force of darkness!
    Holy warrior of light!
[09:13] Alvin
    H-Hang on...
[09:15] Alvin
    Hey, you mixed a nice one in there!
[09:16] Carla
    So many appropriate titles,
    I don't know where to start!
[09:18] Carla
    It's a night parade of shame!
[09:20] Alvin
    What?!
[09:22] Alvin
    Now, then...
[09:25] Carla
    You aren't going to open it?
[09:27] Carla
    We know there are no traps
    on the chest itself.
[09:30] Carla
    You really should just open it already.
[09:32] Carla
    How long are you going to drag this out?
[09:34] Alvin
    But there are definitely
    traps around it, right?
[09:37] Alvin
    In other words, someone put the
    chest here for malicious purposes.
[09:41] Alvin
    That makes it an obvious prank.
    No need to open it at all.
[09:45] Anna
    He's chickening out.
[09:47] Anna
    You're embarrassed about falling
    for that cheap, little trap,
[09:50] Anna
    so you want to get out of
    here ASAP. I understand.
[09:52] Alvin
    Can you not bring it up again?
[09:54] Carla
    It's all right.
[09:56] Carla
    It appears our bold front-liner
    is chickening out.
[09:59] Carla
    Very well.
[10:01] Carla
    I'll open it instead.
[10:03] Carla
    The giant chicken can just stand back there.
[10:06] Carla
    My hopes aren't particularly high,
[10:09] Carla
    but come demon, come serpent...
[10:11] Carla
    come snake...
[10:13] Carla
    come viper...
[10:15] Carla
    Actually, what if it's a really big snake?
[10:20] Alvin
    Ka-boom!
[10:22] Carla
    Wh-Wh-What are you doing?!
[10:24] Alvin
    Sorry, I couldn't help it.
[10:25] Anna
    Don't shout at people like that!
[10:27] Alvin
    I'm really sorry!
[10:28] Anna
    You'll pay for this!
[10:29] Carla
    Unforgivable!
[10:30] Carla
    Sue-the-pants-off-you Stance!
[10:32] Anna
    She's revealed it!
    That ancient martial arts stance!
[10:35] Carla
    I'll ruin you! I'll see you in court!
[10:45] Alvin
    Who are you again?
[10:46] Mimic
    Who am I again?
[10:48] Mimic
    I'm a mimic.
[10:50] Mimic
    I was in there!
[10:51] Carla
    In there?
[10:55] Mimic
    Now, look at what you've done!
[10:57] Alvin
    What?
[10:58] Mimic
    I've been waiting in there for three days.
[11:01] Mimic
    And now it's all for nothing!
[11:03] Alvin
    I really didn't mean any harm!
[11:05] Anna
    The poor little guy! You're so mean!
[11:08] Carla
    Mayor Mean of Mean City.
[11:10] Mimic
    First, you wasted so much time falling
    into that stupid, little pit trap!
[11:14] Mimic
    I was supposed to be the main event here!
[11:16] Alvin
    But she said there were no traps!
[11:18] Mimic
    Really scaring you guys could've
    been my ticket to a promotion!
[11:23] Anna
    My trap detection skill
    doesn't pick up mimics!
[11:26] Mimic
    I'm getting a pay cut for this for sure!
[11:28] Carla
    Anna-san, he's still just a beginner.
[11:31] Mimic
    You heard that?
[11:35] Carla
    I'm sorry about our little fool.
[11:37] Carla
    He's still learning. Please forgive him.
[11:40] Carla
    But he is an excellent
    cooking appliance, so...
[11:45] Alvin
    Not sure how that's supposed
    to make him feel better.
[11:47] Carla
    Besides, I think you've just
    misunderstood something.
[11:51] Carla
    That was just a rehearsal.
[11:54] Mimic
    A rehearsal?
[11:55] Carla
    Of course!
[11:57] Carla
    Even the world's best dancer can't go
    from zero to the stage in one night!
[12:01] Carla
    A professional performance
    demands a rehearsal!
[12:04] Mimic
    That's true!
[12:06] Mimic
    Yeah, I thought something felt off there!
[12:09] Mimic
    Of course! It's a rehearsal!
[12:10] Mimic
    So you were testing how
    well my pit trap worked!
[12:13] Mimic
    Of course!
[12:14] Mimic
    I didn't think anybody would be stupid
    enough to fall into that silly little trap!
[12:19] Carla
    Of course!
[12:20] Carla
    No one except for an adventurer
    with beginner level 100!
[12:24] sign
    C'mon, open it! At least try?
[12:25] Mimic
    Does that mean this is the real performance?
[12:28] Carla
    Yes!
[12:29] Mimic
    Great!
[12:30] Mimic
    I'm really gonna scare you this time!
[12:33] Carla
    And I'm going to be more
    scared than ever before!
[12:36] Mimic
    I can't wait!
[12:39] Alvin
    Can we get this over with?
[12:40] Mimic
    I'm counting on you!
[12:44] Alvin
    You got it backwards!
[12:47] Anna
    Okay!
[12:48] Anna
    We'll start from Carla-chan
    opening the treasure chest!
[12:52] Anna
    Six seconds to roll!
[12:54] Anna
    Five, four, three...
[12:56] Carla
    My goodness! I've stumbled
    upon a random treasure chest!
[13:00] Anna
    Huh? What?
[13:02] Alvin
    I don't think she understands
    what a countdown is.
[13:04] Carla
    What luck!
[13:06] Carla
    It must be good karma!
[13:09] Carla
    I should really get to opening it!
[13:12] Carla
    I'm opening it now!
[13:13] Carla
    I'm opening up on the count of three!
[13:16] Mimic
    On the count of three, right?
[13:18] Mimic
    Okay...
[13:19] Carla
    Ten!
[13:19] Mimic
    She's starting from 10?
[13:20] Carla
    Nine! Wait a minute...
[13:22] Carla
    What if there's a mimic in this chest?
[13:24] Mimic
    Sh-She's sharp!
[13:26] Mimic
    Does she know I'm in here?
[13:27] Carla
    That could really be trouble.
[13:30] Carla
    I've heard that mimics are
    very frightening monsters!
[13:33] Carla
    That their true form is that
    of a nightmare turned flesh!
[13:37] Carla
    Six arms, eight legs...
[13:39] Carla
    Countless tentacles sprouting
    from their heads!
[13:42] Carla
    They're surely nothing like the
    monsters you see in picture books,
[13:45] Carla
    childish, little monsters with a
    single eye and small horns...
[13:51] Carla
    There's no way a real mimic
    could be something that silly.
[13:54] Carla
    And even if they were, that would simply
    be a disguise to get our guard down.
[13:57] Carla
    Surely, deep down,
    they are truly terrifying monsters!
[14:01] Carla
    When it really counts, they'll manifest
    the most terrifying visage imaginable!
[14:08] Carla
    Just imagining it has me trembling in fear!
[14:12] Carla
    However! As an adventurer, I cannot
    refuse the treasure chest's call!
[14:17] Carla
    No matter what horrifying
    creature waits within!
[14:22] Carla
    Pray for me!
[14:30] Carla
    It's locked.
[14:31] Alvin
    Much like your heart.
[14:42] Alvin
    I think there's a fracture.
[14:44] Alvin
    It might even be broken!
[14:46] Carla
    It's really swelling!
[14:48] Carla
    Does it hurt?
[14:49] Alvin
    The pain-relieving herbs are doing their
    thing, so I feel fine for now, but...
[14:53] Kinoko
    But it's lucky you weren't
    hurt worse than that.
[14:57] Alvin
    Yeah, that was pretty scary.
[14:59] Alvin
    Never thought we'd run into a cyclops!
[15:03] Alvin
    And...
[15:05] Alvin
    That she'd be changing when we did.
[15:16] Alvin
    She really got me hard out of nowhere.
[15:19] Alvin
    I'm lucky it wasn't worse, but...
[15:21] Anna
    No young girl likes to be walked
    in on while she's changing!
[15:24] Alvin
    I was more surprised that
    she was a young girl!
[15:27] Alvin
    Still, Carla really saved me this time.
[15:31] Anna
    True, you'd have been in real
    trouble if not for Carla-chan.
[15:35] Carla
    I r-really didn't do anything...
[15:37] Anna
    No need to be modest, Carla-chan!
[15:40] Carla
    Really?
[15:41] Carla
    In that case...
[15:42] Carla
    Worship me!
[15:43] Alvin
    Stow it!
[15:45] Alvin
    But thanks to Carla...
[15:47] (Flashback) Carla
    Are you all right?
[15:49] (Flashback) Alvin
    That was close. Even the
    glancing blow hurts like hell.
[15:53] (Flashback) Alvin
    Anyway, for now we should run—
[15:55] (Flashback) Alvin
    Hey, Carla!
[15:57] (Flashback) Carla
    I b-beg your pardon!
[15:59] (Flashback) Alvin
    Stupid! Get away!
[16:01] (Flashback) Alvin
    Carla! What in the world are you—
[16:03] (Flashback) Alvin
    That lingerie! Is that from
    the new spring collection?!
[16:07] (Flashback) Alvin
    What is she talking about?
[16:08] (Flashback) Alvin
    Look at that face! She's totally baffled!
[16:11] (Flashback) Cyclops Lady
    Wow, you recognize it?!
[16:12] (Flashback) Alvin
    She understands?!
[16:14] (Flashback) Carla
    I sure do!
[16:16] (Flashback) Carla
    That capital city brand,
    "Scent of a Dwarf," right?
[16:19] (Flashback) Carla
    You've got great taste!
[16:21] (Flashback) Cyclops Lady
    Wow, you can tell?
[16:23] (Flashback) Cyclops Lady
    You're so right!
[16:24] (Flashback) Cyclops Lady
    I'm on my way to fight a
    nearby village's garrison!
[16:28] (Flashback) Carla
    I see! They're your go-for-it panties, then?
[16:31] Cyclops Lady
    Yes, pink for spring!
[16:31] (Flashback) Anna
    Okay, the boys wait over there!
[16:33] Cyclops Lady
    Charming, aren't they?
[16:34] (Flashback) Anna
    This is girl-talk time!
[16:34] (Flashback) Carla
    They look great on you!
[16:36] (Flashback) Alvin
    Is that what "go-for-it panties" means?
[16:39] Alvin
    Thanks to Carla distracting
    her, nothing happened.
[16:44] Alvin
    Yes, nothing happened at all...
[16:46] Alvin
    No heart-racing, pulse-pounding battle...
[16:49] Alvin
    Of course... it's always best to
    avoid conflict if you can, but...
[16:54] Carla
    I'm sorry I'm more talented
    than a certain front-liner.
[16:57] Alvin
    Knock it off.
[16:58] Alvin
    But what happened with that monster, anyway?
[17:01] Carla
    We exchanged contact information.
[17:04] (Flashback) Cyclops Lady
    Let's go shopping some time!
[17:06] Alvin
    You're pretty good at
    talking things out, huh?
[17:10] Carla
    At any rate, I need to heal you!
[17:13] Alvin
    R-Right.
[17:14] Alvin
    Hey, are you going to use
    proper healing magic?
[17:17] Alvin
    I mean, you're a healer, so this
    shouldn't be that surprising...
[17:21] Carla
    You defended me earlier, so...
[17:24] Carla
    But forget that. Healing comes first.
[17:26] Alvin
    S-Sure. Get to it.
[17:40] Carla
    Bwaaaaaa!
[17:41] Alvin
    Shut up!
[17:43] Alvin
    Hey! Do you really have to yell that loud?!
[17:46] Carla
    Son of a bitch!
[17:47] Alvin
    Wait! Hold on a minute!
[17:50] Alvin
    And stop shouting!
[17:52] Alvin
    Stop it!
[17:52] Carla
    Fwakyuu!
[17:53] Alvin
    Knock it off!
[17:55] Carla
    What's wrong with you?
[17:56] Carla
    Could you please not stop me
    in the middle of healing you?
[18:00] Carla
    Harrumph!
[18:02] Alvin
    I had to stop you!
[18:03] Alvin
    If your "chant" involves screaming
    names at me, I'm going to stop you!
[18:06] Alvin
    And what was "Fwakyuu" thing?
[18:08] Carla
    Very well. I'll do it properly.
[18:11] Alvin
    Then what was that last one?!
[18:13] Carla
    Ryoko-san, could you fetch me a cloth?
[18:16] Ryoko
    Certainly, Carla-san.
[18:20] Alvin
    Is Ryoko-san just our bag of holding now?
[18:24] Carla
    Ryoko-san has a very
    high-level storage skill!
[18:27] Ryoko
    I appreciate that!
[18:29] Alvin
    Is "storage" what this really is?
[18:32] Alvin
    So, what are you going
    to do with that cloth?
[18:34] Carla
    Well, just watch.
[18:36] Carla
    It's a completely ordinary cloth.
[18:38] Carla
    If I place it over your arm...
[18:40] Carla
    I'll infuse it with power,
    then remove it on the count of three.
[18:44] Alvin
    Looks pretty much like
    what you did last time.
[18:46] Carla
    One, two...
[18:48] Alvin
    She really doesn't understand
    the concept of a countdown.
[18:50] Alvin
    What?!
[18:51] Alvin
    The swelling's gone?
[18:52] Alvin
    And it almost seems kind of shiny now...
[18:55] Alvin
    It was sleight-of-hand?!
[18:57] Carla
    It was hand power!
[18:59] Alvin
    Incredible, I guess!
[19:06] Alvin
    It really was pretty surprising, though...
[19:09] Carla
    What are you talking about now?
[19:11] Alvin
    I just can't believe you can
    use normal healing magic.
[19:15] Alvin
    Though I guess that wasn't
    exactly "normal," anyway...
[19:17] Carla
    Are you saying you thought I
    couldn't use real magic before?!
[19:22] Alvin
    Well, given your history and all.
[19:24] Carla
    You mean you thought I was
    merely a beautiful girl
[19:28] Carla
    overflowing with motherly instinct,
    intelligence, and love?
[19:31] Carla
    You flatter me.
[19:32] Alvin
    I didn't think that.
[19:33] Alvin
    Though, to be honest...
    you are pretty amazing.
[19:36] Alvin
    You seem to have powerful magical skills,
[19:40] Alvin
    despite the whole "personality" thing...
[19:42] Anna
    There you are!
[19:43] Alvin
    But a guy my age still
    doesn't have any stars,
[19:47] Alvin
    and other adventurers still
    call me the "veteran rookie."
[19:51] Alvin
    Lately, I've been thinking that a weirdo
    like you might be a good match for me.
[19:55] Kinoko
    Over there!
[19:56] Alvin
    If you were more normal, you'd probably
    be part of a different party,
[20:01] Alvin
    and I'd probably still be solo.
[20:04] Anna
    Got you this time!
[20:05] Alvin
    You've dealt me your share
    of psychological damage...
[20:09] Alvin
    but... you know...
[20:12] Alvin
    I guess I should say...
[20:14] Alvin
    Thank you.
[20:16] Alvin
    Let's keep working together.
[20:20] Kinoko
    What? Where'd she go?
[20:23] Carla
    E-Enough of those fully
    justified words of gratitude!
[20:26] Carla
    B-Besides, I-I'm the bun choose
    happy... joined a party...
[20:33] Carla
    w-w-with...
[20:35] Carla
    Just be grateful!
[20:37] Alvin
    This is what I'm talking about!
[20:44] Alvin
    Time to head out, I think.
[20:47] Celia
    Help me!
[20:52] Celia
    Help me!
[20:56] Alvin
    "I am the Dwarf mayor."
SIGN    I am the Dwarf mayor.
     The great sorcerer of darkness, Dorman,
     is attacking our village to try
    to steal our sacred artifact.
     If Dorman retrieves the artifact,
    the world will be destroyed.
    Brave warrior, I beg of you,
    foil Dorman's plot! Please!
[20:58] Alvin
    "The great sorcerer of darkness, Dorman,
[21:01] Alvin
    is attacking our village to try
    to steal our sacred artifact.
[21:04] Alvin
    If Dorman retrieves the artifact,
    the world will be destroyed."
[21:10] Alvin
    "Brave warrior, I beg of you,
    foil Dorman's plot! Please!"
[21:15] Celia
    My grandpa is the mayor.
[21:17] Celia
    He told me to give that message
    to a nice-looking person.
[21:21] Celia
    He got me out, but then he got captured
    with the rest of the villagers...
[21:26] Celia
    Please, save them all!
[21:29] Kinoko
    Dorman is a major bad guy who leads an
    army of magically-crafted soldiers!
[21:34] Alvin
    Dorman, eh?
[21:36] Alvin
    I've certainly heard of him.
[21:38] Alvin
    His magic power is five-star...
[21:39] Alvin
    No, likely far greater than that.
[21:44] Carla
    Zero-star lol-in-parentheses
    Alvin-san doesn't stand a chance.
SIGN    Next Time
[23:25] Alvin
    They called us in for the preview?!
[23:27] Carla
    This is the last episode, after all!
[23:28] Alvin
    Really?
[23:29] Kinoko
    You didn't know?
[23:30] Anna
    We all get slain by the bad guys.
[23:32] Alvin
    No way!
[23:33] Ryoko
    You'll have to watch and see!
[23:35] Alvin
    I really can't wait!
[23:36] All
    Watch it, everyone!
SIGN    "We've reached the final episode at last and the entire staff including
    those on the manga side would like to thank you all for watching but
    because the manga doesn't yet contain a story that could be used for a
    final episode this is basically going to be a totally original story although we
    made sure to get the dwarf character designs and lines and ideas from
    the creator Hakko-sensei so we were able to make it feel consistent
    but it's also sad to reach the end at last and while we'd really like to
    spend more time with Carla and Alvin and the others please remember that
    their adventures will continue in the manga so continue to support them
    there but anyway thank you so much for watching and once more from the
    bottom of our hearts we'd like to say thank you so much
    and that's the deal with episode 12 (final episode)"
SIGN    See you then!
[23:38] Carla
    We've reached the—

Season 1

E12 - We've reached the final episode at last...

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:03] Alvin
    The village is completely abandoned!
[00:05] Carla
    A reflection of Alvin-san's
    chronic unpopularity?!
[00:09] Alvin
    People wouldn't disappear from a
    village because I'm unpopular!
[00:12] Alvin
    More likely, they heard you
    were coming and ran off!
[00:16] Carla
    If they knew I was coming,
    they'd be lining up to shake my hand!
[00:21] Ryoko
    It's all right, Celia-chan.
[00:23] Ryoko
    I promise we'll save the dwarves.
[00:26] Carla
    Dwarves... a race with which
    we do not get along well.
[00:30] Alvin
    Do elves and dwarves have
    some kind of history?
[00:34] Carla
    Yes.
[00:35] Carla
    I once tried to get a dwarf-owned clothing
    shop to knock down their prices, and failed.
[00:39] Alvin
    That's a personal history!
[00:41] Alvin
    It's got nothing to do with your race!
[00:42] Kinoko
    Hey!
[00:44] Kinoko
    I looked all around, but they
    weren't in the village.
[00:47] Anna
    Here, either.
[00:47] Anna
    They must have been taken off somewhere!
[00:50] Alvin
    I see.
[00:51] Carla
    But I'll make sure there
    are no hidden injured.
[00:54] Alvin
    You've got a spell for that?
[00:56] Carla
    I have a healer's ability to locate
    the weakened and vulnerable.
[01:00] Alvin
    Sounds like a predator seeking out prey...
[01:04] Carla
    Then... O, sacred power.
[01:06] Carla
    I pray thee, let me save
    the injured and abandoned.
[01:10] Carla
    Reveal to me the location
    of the sad and the weak.
[01:13] Alvin
    Wow, looks like it's really working!
[01:15] Alvin
    Nah, it's creepy.
[01:18] Carla
    Seek them!
[01:20] Alvin
    If we find any weakened nearby,
    I guess we'll have to save them.
[01:24] Carla
    I'm picking up something nearby!
[01:26] Carla
    And they're indeed in
    quite a weakened state!
[01:28] Alvin
    What? Where are they?!
[01:33] Alvin
    I'm not particularly weakened...
[01:35] Carla
    Yeah, sorry. You were weak from the start.
[01:38] Alvin
    Please! I'm very resilient!
[01:41] Kinoko
    But how are we supposed to save the people
    if we don't know where they been taken?
[01:46] Anna
    Good question...
[01:47] Celia
    I heard!
[01:49] Celia
    The bad people took them
    into the castle dungeon!
[01:52] Celia
    Over there!
[01:54] Alvin
    Definitely the kind of place
    you'd expect to find a villain.
SIGN    Don't Hurt Me,
SIGN    Don't Hurt Me,
SIGN    My Healer!
SIGN    We've reached the final episode at last...
[02:02] Anna
    Oh, I'm so worried!
[02:04] Anna
    I just hope they're doing okay!
[02:06] Kinoko
    Calm down already.
[02:08] Kinoko
    They'll be fine.
[02:09] Anna
    What are you talking about?
[02:10] Kinoko
    Hush! Celia-chan finally got to sleep!
[02:14] Anna
    They're up against Dorman,
    a tried-and-true villain!
[02:17] Kinoko
    It's true, I doubt Big Sis's fast-talk
    abilities will do much here.
[02:21] Anna
    Right?
[02:23] Anna
    I sure hope they come back safely!
[02:25] Anna
    Carla-chan...
[02:32] Alvin
    What's that you've got there?
[02:33] Carla
    Camouflage.
[02:35] Alvin
    You stand out like a sore
    thumb. Knock it off.
[02:36] Alvin
    Get down!
[02:38] Brigan
    Hey. What's up, brothers?
[02:40] Brigan
    Anything sign of trouble?
[02:42] Alvin
    That's...
[02:43] Carla
    Prison!
[02:44] Alvin
    It's Brigan...
[02:46] Alvin
    And that's certainly a
    unique way of laying low.
[02:48] Brigin
    No one's coming to this rotten place.
[02:50] Brigun
    And the dwarves still won't tell
    you where the artifact is?
[02:55] Brigan
    Yeah, and I don't wanna
    get too rough with them.
[02:58] Brigan
    They're first-rate craftsmen.
[03:00] Brigan
    They'll fetch big money if we can
    sell them in good condition.
[03:03] Carla
    So he's working with Dorman?
[03:06] Alvin
    Looks like...
[03:07] Alvin
    He's a disgrace to the name "adventurer"!
[03:10] Ryoko
    Scouting complete.
[03:11] Alvin
    Great!
[03:12] Ryoko
    On the castle's left side, there's a
    walled-in building that looks like a prison.
[03:17] Alvin
    Right.
[03:18] Alvin
    Thankfully, tonight's a new moon.
[03:20] Alvin
    We can break in under cover of darkness.
[03:22] Alvin
    Stay quiet, all right?
[03:24] Alvin
    No talking from here on out!
[03:26] Alvin
    Wh-What now?!
[03:33] Alvin
    Your hand signals are really annoying!
[03:35] Carla
    My idea was, "Let's have Ryoko-san
    carry us inside the wall."
[03:39] Alvin
    How was I supposed to know that?!
[03:40] Alvin
    Wait, can you really do that?
[03:42] Ryoko
    If it's just the two of you,
    I can carry you inside my body.
[03:47] Alvin
    Inside your dre—
[03:49] Carla
    Inside her pack.
[03:57] Ryoko
    We're here.
[03:59] Ryoko
    Stay quiet.
[04:00] Ryoko
    There are two magic warriors
    standing guard outside the wall.
[04:04] Ryoko
    The prison itself has a dark spell
    cast upon it, so I cannot enter.
[04:08] Ryoko
    Take care.
[04:10] Alvin
    Sure thing. Thanks!
[04:12] Alvin
    No sign of guards, eh?
[04:14] Carla
    And the doors are wide open!
[04:16] Alvin
    Good thing Brigan's so sloppy.
[04:19] Dwarf1
    What, here to question us again?!
[04:21] Dwarf2
    We'll never tell you where the artifact is!
[04:24] Alvin
    Hush! Be quiet!
[04:26] Alvin
    The guards outside will hear you.
[04:28] Alvin
    We're on your side!
[04:29] Carla
    Indeed.
[04:30] Carla
    With a heart of benevolence and mercy...
[04:33] Carla
    I've come to save you dwarves,
    whom I don't even like!
[04:36] Alvin
    Shut up! You're making things complicated!
[04:38] Alvin
    I-Is the mayor here?
[04:41] Mayor
    I am the mayor.
SIGN    I am the Dwarf mayor.
     The great sorcerer of darkness,
    Dorman, is attacking our village
    to try to steal our sacred artifact.
     If Dorman retrieves the artifact,
    the world will be destroyed.
    Brave warrior, I beg of you,
    foil Dorman's plot! Please!
     I am the Dwarf mayor.
[04:44] Mayor
    I see.
[04:46] Mayor
    So you're the ones who
    saved my granddaughter!
[04:48] Mayor
    I can't thank you enough.
[04:50] Carla
    She's hiding in a safe place for now.
[04:52] Alvin
    Dorman's after your artifact, I hear.
[04:55] Mayor
    Yes.
[04:56] Mayor
    The artifact has sacred power
    that can drive off dark magic.
[05:00] Mayor
    Dorman fears it.
[05:03] Mayor
    This castle is a fortress
    built by our ancestors.
[05:07] Mayor
    It's in ruins now,
[05:09] Mayor
    but the artifact is hidden
    deep in its depths.
[05:12] Mayor
    I'll tell you where to find it.
[05:14] Mayor
    Will you defeat Dorman and save us all?
[05:18] Alvin
    What is it?
[05:19] Carla
    If you want to ask for someone's help,
[05:21] Carla
    shouldn't you kneel down in front
    of them and press your forehead—
[05:22] Alvin
    Can you not?!
[05:25] Mayor
    We beg of you!
[05:27] Dwarves
    Please!
[05:34] Alvin
    It took time to collect what we
    needed, but we made it inside.
[05:38] Alvin
    A fork already?
[05:40] Alvin
    Do we go straight here?
[05:41] Carla
    Yes.
[05:42] Carla
    Go straight and you'll hit a pit trap.
[05:45] Alvin
    Don't say "yes" first.
[05:46] Carla
    I'll be more careful.
[05:48] Alvin
    A dead end.
[05:49] Alvin
    It's been quite a maze so far.
[05:51] Alvin
    You think we took a wrong turn?
[05:53] Carla
    We've been following the map the
    mayor drew for us to a T.
[05:57] Carla
    But if we press the triangle lithograph—
[05:59] Alvin
    I see. A hidden door?
[06:01] Carla
    No, it springs a pit trap.
[06:04] Alvin
    Thanks again!
[06:07] Alvin
    Talk faster next time!
[06:08] Carla
    I'll be more careful.
[06:10] Carla
    The artifact should be inside this room.
[06:13] Alvin
    He told you how to open this door, right?
[06:15] Carla
    Yes.
[06:16] Carla
    If you turn the rightmost
    statue ninety degrees left...
[06:19] Alvin
    Got it. If I turn it left—
[06:21] Alvin
    Will it spring a trap?
[06:22] Carla
    Yes, and you'll have a perfect
    sweep of the pit traps.
[06:25] Alvin
    That's not a good thing!
[06:27] Carla
    You weren't refining your special talent?
[06:29] Alvin
    I never embraced that at a talent!
[06:31] Alvin
    And I feel bad for making Ryoko-chan
    save me every time I fall!
[06:35] Alvin
    Just tell me the right way
    to do things already!
[06:37] Carla
    No fun...
[06:44] Alvin
    Dwarven technology is incredible!
[06:47] Alvin
    Look at all this!
[06:48] Carla
    Dwarves make incredible lingerie, as well.
[06:51] Alvin
    Underwear's not really on the same level!
[06:54] Alvin
    Is that the artifact?!
[06:55] Carla
    It does appear so.
[06:57] Alvin
    I doubt it'll be trapped,
    but wait here just in case.
[07:00] Carla
    Right.
[07:01] Alvin
    Not quite what I expected...
[07:04] Dorman
    Thanks for showing me the way.
[07:06] Alvin
    What?!
[07:07] Brigan
    Lord Dorman sees all!
[07:10] Alvin
    Brigan! And is that...
[07:13] Alvin
    The great sorcerer of darkness, Dorman?!
[07:15] Dorman
    I noticed dark elf magic about...
[07:18] Dorman
    And it's truly led me to the jackpot!
[07:20] Carla
    My magic? You mean, you noticed my charms?!
[07:23] Dorman
    No, your literal magic.
[07:24] Brigan
    You can't notice what doesn't exist!
[07:27] Dorman
    Now, hand over the crown!
[07:30] Alvin
    Not a chance!
[07:31] Carla
    Wait a minute, Alvin-san!
[07:33] Carla
    I'll handle this!
[07:35] Carla
    Aren't you skipping an obligatory
    evil boss character line right now?
[07:39] Dorman
    Oh? And what's that?
[07:41] Carla
    You're supposed to offer to
    give us half the world!
[07:44] Carla
    We might be willing to negotiate!
[07:46] Alvin
    That's not a thing good guys say!
[07:48] Dorman
    Sorry, but I'm not here to negotiate...
[07:51] Dorman
    But hand it over and I'll be willing
    to make you soldiers in my army.
[07:55] Brigan
    What do you think, Alvin?
[07:57] Brigan
    I'll certainly put you to good use!
[07:59] Carla
    No, I'll put him to good use!
[08:01] Alvin
    I don't want either!
[08:03] Dorman
    In that case...
[08:09] Ryoko
    Carla-san!
[08:10] Alvin
    Damn it! Let go of Carla!
[08:13] Dorman
    Well? Ready to give me the crown yet?!
[08:21] Anna
    Are you all right, Carla-chan?
[08:23] Carla
    Anna-san! Thank you!
[08:24] Anna
    I got worried and had to come!
[08:26] Anna
    Alvin, now!
[08:27] Alvin
    Okay!
[08:28] Alvin
    Hear me, artifact! Destroy the dark magic!
[08:31] Dorman
    Fool!
[08:37] Alvin
    Why...?!
[08:38] Ryoko
    Alvin-san!
[08:40] Anna
    Alvin!
[08:42] Brigan
    Drop that weapon, now!
[08:45] Brigan
    Now, bring me the crown...
[08:47] Brigan
    Unless you want me to start
    carving up her face?
[08:50] Carla
    Don't do it! Run!
[08:51] Carla
    Forget about me!
[08:53] Carla
    Go, before they take the crown!
[08:55] Anna
    But...
[08:55] Carla
    I'll be safe as long as I have
    value to them as a hostage.
[09:00] Carla
    Besides, just once, I wanted to
    sound like a real female lead!
[09:04] Anna
    S-Sure...
[09:06] Anna
    Ryoko-chan, we're getting out of here!
[09:08] Ryoko
    Right!
[09:08] Dorman
    You won't escape!
[09:13] Dorman
    Throw the girl in the dungeon!
[09:15] Dorman
    Find them! And take the crown!
[09:19] Brigan
    Aren't you lucky you have value to us?
[09:22] Brigan
    Dark elves fetch a high price, after all...
[09:35] Brigan
    Ain't this a pretty picture?
[09:36] Brigan
    The disaster land mine healer
    is abandoned by her partner
[09:39] Brigan
    and ends up all alone again!
[09:41] Carla
    Alvin-san will come to save me!
[09:44] Carla
    If there's one thing he understands,
    it's how to read the mood!
[09:46] Carla
    Give that back!
[09:47] Brigan
    Nuh-uh!
[09:49] Brigan
    I'm taking this as payment
    for the time you kicked me.
[09:52] Brigan
    Now stay in there and be good.
[09:52] Carla
    Give it back! Give it back!
[09:55] Carla
    Prison!
[09:57] Mayor
    Was that thing really that important to you?
[10:00] Carla
    Certainly nack!
SIGN    Ack
[10:02] Carla
    It's not a memento of the first
    dungeon I ever beat or anythack!
SIGN    Ack
[10:06] Mayor
    You're a very transparent one.
[10:08] Mayor
    But that adventurer partner of yours...
[10:11] Mayor
    Are you sure he can handle this?
[10:16] Carla
    Alvin-san...
[10:18] Alvin
    I see.
[10:19] Alvin
    Carla let herself be captured.
[10:22] Kinoko
    Big Sis...
[10:23] Ryoko
    I'm sorry. I wish I'd been able to do more.
[10:26] Anna
    You did the best you could!
[10:27] Alvin
    I'd like to go save her right away, but...
[10:30] Anna
    If the artifact is useless...
[10:32] Anna
    Isn't there anything we can do?
[10:35] Alvin
    Hey, how far away from the castle are we?
[10:38] Anna
    At least two kilometers, I'm sure.
[10:41] Alvin
    The death-upon-separation
    curse didn't activate!
[10:44] Ryoko
    What? Where did Altargaia-san go?
[10:47] Alvin
    You don't think he went to
    save Carla all on his own?!
[10:50] Anna
    If he left without telling us,
    it means he probably ran away!
[10:52] Alvin
    Not that I can blame him...
[10:54] Anna
    But you haven't run away.
[10:56] Anna
    Even though you said you'd ditch this
    party on the spot if not for the curse...
[10:59] Alvin
    Party, eh?
[11:02] Alvin
    You're right. I guess I'd better.
[11:04] Alvin
    Yeah, I'll run away!
[11:06] Alvin
    It's not like I stand a chance,
    with this thing being busted and all...
[11:09] Artifact
    Blasphemer!
[11:10] Alvin
    It talked!
[11:11] Alvin
    Wh-What the...
[11:14] Artifact
    My power waxes and wanes with the moon!
[11:18] Artifact
    Tonight is a new moon,
    when my power is at its weakest!
[11:22] Artifact
    That is why Dorman chose this day to strike!
[11:27] Alvin
    And that's why your power
    didn't activate then?
[11:29] Artifact
    But there is a way to restore my power.
[11:32] Artifact
    Have a healer cast a spell on me!
[11:35] Alvin
    A healer?
[11:36] Artifact
    A powerful healing spell will
    let me use my full powers!
[11:43] Alvin
    Can I ask you a question?
[11:45] Alvin
    There was a strange curse on me that
    seems to have abruptly broken.
[11:48] Alvin
    Is it because of you?
[11:49] Artifact
    It is possible!
[11:51] Artifact
    Holy power likely purged it naturally!
[11:54] Alvin
    I see...
[11:55] Alvin
    Then even if I leave Carla
    behind, I wouldn't die?
[11:59] Artifact
    Carla? Is that the girl
    you were with earlier?
[12:02] Alvin
    Yeah...
[12:03] Artifact
    There's something I must tell you!
[12:05] Artifact
    You and that girl carry a powerful
    bond from a previous life!
[12:09] Alvin
    What?!
[12:10] Artifact
    It happened half a century ago!
[12:12] Artifact
    You were elves, and you were in love.
[12:16] Artifact
    But your clan was destroyed by the armies
    of the great sorcerer of darkness.
[12:20] Artifact
    You swore that you'd be
    reunited in your new lives!
[12:24] Artifact
    And now, though you've lost your
    memories of your past lives,
[12:28] Artifact
    that bond of destiny has
    brought you back together!
[12:31] Alvin
    Carla and I were...
[12:33] Artifact
    And if you defeat that dark sorcerer,
    your sworn enemy,
[12:36] Artifact
    you will be bonded forever in true love!
[12:40] Alvin
    True love?!
[12:42] Alvin
    Wait a minute... Half a century ago?
[12:45] Alvin
    Carla might look like a kid in human terms,
[12:47] Alvin
    but I'm pretty sure she's
    been alive for 72 years!
[12:49] Artifact
    W-Well, that's...
[12:51] Anna
    And if they were in love in a past life,
[12:54] Anna
    wouldn't they get along a little better now?
[12:56] Ryoko
    That's true.
[12:59] Artifact
    Fine, I guess it didn't work!
[13:02] Artifact
    I thought that little speech
    might help motivate you, but...
[13:05] Alvin
    Are you kidding me?!
[13:06] Artifact
    Escape!
[13:07] Alvin
    Not a chance!
[13:08] Artifact
    I'm sorry! Forgive me!
[13:10] Alvin
    I am this party's warrior!
[13:12] Alvin
    I will fulfill my role!
[13:14] Alvin
    Even if I am beginner level 100,
[13:16] Alvin
    and adventurer rank lol-in-parentheses!
[13:19] Alvin
    I will not abandon the ideals of justice!
[13:22] Artifact
    Hang on... Are you really that weak?
[13:24] Alvin
    I shouldn't have said anything.
[13:28] Ryoko
    I don't see any lookouts.
[13:29] Alvin
    It seems like a total trap, but...
[13:32] Artifact
    You hear me?
[13:33] Artifact
    First, place me at the center
    of the magic-sealing circle!
[13:37] Artifact
    I'll break the barrier with my holy power.
[13:40] Artifact
    Then you can use magic,
    even within the dungeon!
[13:45] Artifact
    Wh-What's wrong?
[13:46] Artifact
    Sorry, I guess my magic's
    way too low for that...
[13:49] Alvin
    You are so useless!
[13:52] Alvin
    Darn it... what would we have done if
[13:54] Alvin
    Ryoko-san hadn't lent me her cleaning supplies?!
[13:57] Artifact
    She seems like a very useful maid!
[13:59] Alvin
    Way more useful than you!
[14:01] Alvin
    Damn you, Brigan!
[14:02] Alvin
    Of course he locked it!
[14:04] Alvin
    Ryoko-chan, I need you!
[14:06] Ryoko
    Right!
[14:08] Ryoko
    Here we are!
[14:10] Carla
    You call? I come!
[14:13] Carla
    It's Carla!
[14:14] Alvin
    I'll be annoyed about that later!
[14:15] Alvin
    First, cast a powerful healing
    spell on this crown!
[14:18] Carla
    Righty-o!
[14:19] Carla
    Ryoko-san told me everything!
[14:21] Carla
    Here I go!
[14:22] Carla
    Holy power, infuse this crown
    with the light of resurrection!
[14:28] Carla
    I'm infusing it with my spirit, too!
[14:30] Alvin
    Evil spirit?!
[14:32] Carla
    I'm in no position to
    entertain your bad jokes!
[14:36] Artifact
    I feel sick!
[14:39] Carla
    How do you feel, Artifact-san?
[14:42] Artifact
    It was a good try, but your
    magic power was insufficient!
[14:44] Alvin
    It's hopeless, then?
[14:47] Alvin
    What?!
[14:48] Dorman
    That was quite an amusing show!
[14:54] Brigan
    Give up already, Alvin!
[14:57] Alvin
    They knew we were here!
[14:59] Alvin
    Ryoko-chan, get us out!
[15:00] Ryoko
    Right!
[15:02] Carla
    Ryoko-san!
[15:03] Dorman
    You won't escape!
[15:05] Brigan
    I'm gonna give you a beating
    before I take that crown.
[15:09] Brigan
    Get it, Alvin-san?
[15:10] Brigin
    Then, I'll take the healer.
[15:12] Brigun
    I get the immobilized maid? No fun.
[15:14] Alvin
    Damn it! What do we do?
[15:16] Alvin
    If we could escape now, we could try
    again under the full moon, but...
[15:21] Carla
    Alvin-san...
[15:24] Alvin
    Is it all over?!
[15:26] Carla
    Not yet!
[15:27] Alvin
    Carla!
[15:28] Carla
    For the sake of the mayor
    who groveled before me,
[15:30] Carla
    I will not give up the artifact!
[15:32] Carla
    I'll fight with you!
[15:33] Ryoko
    It's too much!
[15:35] Ryoko
    You'll both be killed!
[15:37] Ryoko
    Someone...
[15:38] Ryoko
    Someone help us!
[15:41] Brigan
    What?
[15:43] Kinoko
    Hey, we made it!
[15:45] Anna
    Is everyone safe?
[15:46] Ryoko
    Altargaia-san!
[15:47] Carla
    Anna-san?
[15:48] Alvin
    And the golem!
[15:49] Alvin
    You guys all came!
[15:51] Bear
    The forest folk are here, too, gao!
[15:53] Cow
    We shall fight by your side, moo!
[15:55] Cyclops
    We don't stand for villains here!
[15:57] Golem
    We crush them!
[15:58] Cyclops Lady
    Especially those who would bully Carla-chan!
[16:01] Carla
    You all...
[16:02] Alvin
    What nice folks!
[16:03] Brigan
    We still outnumber them!
[16:05] Brigan
    Go!
[16:06] Bear
    Kuma!
[16:07] Cow
    Moo!
[16:08] Thief
    C-Come bat me, bwiends!
[16:13] Beast
    We knew what you were going for.
    Chin up!
[16:16] Thief
    Really? I don't need to try it again?
[16:19] Witch
    Feel the wrath of my medicine!
[16:22] Orc
    Oink! And now I'll finish you!
[16:24] Orc
    Hecaton Cyclone!
[16:26] Orc
    Oink!
[16:27] Witch
    What's the matter?
[16:28] Orc
    I twisted my ankle...
[16:30] Witch
    Here's a poultice.
[16:32] Golem
    I won't let you inside!
[16:35] Kinoko
    There's still fighting outside!
[16:36] Anna
    It's not safe, so please
    wait here until it's over!
[16:39] Celia
    Grandpa!
[16:40] Mayor
    Celia!
[16:41] Celia
    You're safe!
[16:42] Celia
    Celia did good!
[16:44] Dwarf2
    You did a fine job, Celia!
[16:46] Mayor
    Well done, Celia!
[16:46] Kinoko
    Celia?
[16:47] Anna
    I guess she still speaks in baby talk.
[16:48] Celia
    More praise!
[16:49] Medusa
    Shu-wah!
[16:51] Medusa
    These stupid puppets don't know
    to look away. Makes it easy!
[16:55] Dryad
    Your magic won't work on me!
[16:58] Dryad
    Now here's your punishment for defying me!
[17:01] Medusa
    Me next! Me!
[17:03] Dryad
    Why don't you stick to your "Shu-wah"?
[17:05] Medusa
    Aw, I wanna do it, too!
[17:08] Brigin
    Brigun! I need a heal!
[17:10] Brigun
    Brother Brigin! I'm on my way!
[17:14] Cow
    You shall not pass!
[17:16] Cow
    Give him lots of punishment.
[17:19] Both
    Call us queen!
[17:21] Brigan
    The rest of you are up against me!
[17:24] Maria
    Wait a moment!
[17:26] Maria
    I won't let you harm them!
[17:28] Ellie
    Get them, Big Sis!
[17:30] Zobita
    We'll protect Maria-san!
[17:31] Zombies
    Yeah!
[17:32] Maria
    Do my bidding, Undead Wolf!
[17:35] Ellie
    I'm in this, too!
[17:41] Alvin
    Maria-san, thank you!
[17:43] Carla
    Creepy but friendly is a strange combination!
[17:46] Maria
    I-Is it?
[17:48] Maria
    Ellie, put yourself away.
[17:50] Ellie
    Okay!
[17:51] Ghost A
    Run!
[17:52] Ghost B
    Run, run!
[17:53] Ghost C
    Catch me if you can!
[17:55] Gobkichi
    Serves you right!
[17:56] Gobkichi
    Let's bury them all!
[17:58] Ghosts&Goblins
    Bury them!
[17:59] Mimic
    Go on, open me!
[18:01] Mimic
    I'll scare the pants off
    you and get my promotion!
[18:04] Mimic
    Someone open me already!
[18:07] Anna
    This is taking longer than I expected...
[18:09] Carla
    Yes.
[18:10] Cyclops Lady
    Carla-chan, above you!
[18:13] Cyclops Lady
    Nice going, dear!
[18:14] Ellie
    Awesome!
[18:15] Carla
    You saved me. Thank you.
[18:17] Cyclops
    Sure...
[18:18] Cyclops
    Still, these things just keep coming!
    It never ends!
[18:22] Cyclops Lady
    Indeed. If we can't cut them off
    at the source, we're doomed.
[18:25] Cyclops Lady
    Oh?
[18:26] Anna
    Where's Alvin?
[18:27] Cyclops Lady
    Look there, everyone!
[18:30] Carla
    Alvin-san!
[18:33] Bear
    He ran off on his own, bear?
[18:35] Maria
    It appears so...
[18:37] Anna
    Alvin's the only one with the item
    that can oppose Dorman, after all!
[18:41] Carla
    But my magic power was too weak.
[18:43] Carla
    I wasn't able to restore the artifact.
[18:45] Anna
    Oh, no!
[18:46] Maria
    Then, at this rate...
[18:48] Cyclops Lady
    Eventually, we'll all tire ourselves out...
[18:50] Cyclops
    ...and we'll be dead.
[18:52] Bear
    So, you just need a magic boost, bear?
[18:55] Dorman
    Took you long enough, adventurer!
[18:58] Alvin
    What—
[18:58] Alvin
    Crap!
[19:00] Alvin
    I failed!
[19:01] Dorman
    Thought you could catch me by surprise?
[19:02] Dorman
    Without the power of that crown,
    you can't even put up a fight against me!
[19:07] Alvin
    Oh, shut up!
[19:08] Dorman
    Whine all you like, dog.
[19:10] Dorman
    Once that crown's gone, I'll be invincible!
[19:12] Dorman
    The world will be mine!
[19:14] Dorman
    I'll erase it along with your head!
[19:18] Carla
    Alvin-san!
[19:20] Alvin
    Carla!
[19:20] Carla
    He's caught!
[19:22] Carla
    Holy power, infuse this crown
    with the light of resurrection!
[19:23] Bear
    That mace I gave you has the
    power to amplify magic, bear!
[19:30] Artifact
    Power overwhelming!
[19:33] Artifact
    Alvin, remove your helmet
    and put me on your head!
[19:36] Alvin
    Sure thing!
[19:36] Dorman
    Curse you!
[19:44] Alvin
    I will defeat you myself!
[19:46] Dorman
    Then I'll have to remove
    your head and steal it!
[19:53] Alvin
    My body feels light!
[19:54] Artifact
    That's because I'm supporting you!
[19:55] Cyclops
    Incredible!
[19:57] Carla
    He's like a different person!
[19:58] Carla
    Appearance-wise, too!
[19:59] Cyclops
    Are they even?
[20:00] Cyclops
    No, he's being beaten...
[20:02] Carla
    I'll support him!
[20:05] Carla
    Alvin-san!
[20:06] Carla
    It's my enhancement spell!
[20:08] Carla
    Take it!
[20:09] Alvin
    That one?!
[20:10] Dorman
    I'll be taking that!
[20:15] Dorman
    What... What exactly did that enhance?!
[20:17] Alvin
    Your flavor and mouthfeel!
[20:24] Alvin
    Great job, Carla!
[20:25] Carla
    I resent this slightly, but I'm glad!
[20:28] Alvin
    Wrong way!
[20:33] Alvin
    Thanks, everyone!
[20:38] Carla
    Triplets?
[20:39] Alvin
    Dorman was pretty old, huh?
[20:42] Receptionist
    That was quite an accomplishment!
[20:44] Receptionist
    I'm sure you'll get proper stars
    at your next ranking test!
[20:46] Alvin
    I barely beat an old man...
[20:49] Carla
    And with the artifact's support, at that!
[20:52] Carla
    Oh, I forgot!
[20:56] Carla
    I'm taking this back—
[20:58] Carla
    Tieshankao!
[21:00] Receptionist
    Good to see her as energetic as ever.
[21:05] Alvin
    You really like that medal, huh?
[21:07] Carla
    N-Never mind that.
    Let's return to the village!
[21:11] Carla
    We need to return the artifact to the mayor.
[21:15] Mayor
    I truly don't know how to thank you!
[21:18] Alvin
    We're the ones who should thank you.
[21:20] Alvin
    Because of you, my curse is gone!
[21:22] Artifact
    Yes...
[21:24] Artifact
    R-Regarding that...
[21:26] Artifact
    The curse could reactivate once I'm gone!
[21:30] Artifact
    Best to be safe!
[21:32] Alvin
    No way!
[21:33] Celia
    Kinoko-chan, Ghost-san, everyone! Goodbye!
[21:37] Anna
    Take care!
[21:39] Kinoko
    We'll come back to play soon!
[21:42] Alvin
    Stuck with Carla for now, huh?
[21:44] Alvin
    But after being on my own for so long,
[21:47] Alvin
    I'm suddenly part of a party...
[21:49] Alvin
    They're definitely an idiosyncratic bunch...
[21:52] Alvin
    But without them, I wouldn't
    have been able to fight Dorman!
[21:57] Alvin
    Do I owe it all to Carla?
[21:59] Carla
    Is there a reason you're staring at me now?
[22:03] Alvin
    N-No...
[22:04] Carla
    Don't tell me...
[22:05] Carla
    After watching my brilliance in combat,
    you've fallen in love with me?!
[22:09] Alvin
    Huh?
[22:10] Carla
    It was quite a showcase for
    my ample charms, after all!
[22:13] Alvin
    What are you talking about?
[22:14] Carla
    I certainly appreciate the sentiment...
[22:16] Alvin
    Listen to me!
[22:17] Carla
    But I feel that you are...
[22:19] Carla
    so pathetic!
[22:21] Carla
    Pathetic!
[22:22] Alvin
    Shut up!
[22:25] Alvin
    This healer's a pain in my ass!