# Season 1
# E1 - In this world where monsters are rampant...
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GMKUX8X2N/in-this-world-where-monsters-are-rampant)
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** Don't Hurt Me,
***SIGN*** Don't Hurt Me,
***SIGN*** My Healer!
**[00:01] Alvin**
Behold, the vast world in which we live!
**[00:04] Alvin**
It is rampant with monsters
that threaten human life.
**[00:10] Alvin**
This threat is opposed by
countless adventurers! Heroes!
**[00:17] Alvin**
Every day, they face these
dangerous battles...
**[00:21] Alvin**
To protect the people! To protect the world!
**[00:27] Alvin**
And I, Alvin, am one of them!
**[00:32] Alvin**
Wow, an encounter already!
**[00:35] Alvin**
All right!
**[00:36] Alvin**
Here we go!
***SIGN*** "In this world where monsters are rampant..."
**[00:41] Mostly Bear**
Kuma!
**[00:48] Alvin**
Curse you...
**[00:50] Alvin**
Stronger than I expected,
given those cute button eyes...
**[00:53] Mostly Bear**
Kuma!
**[00:56] Alvin**
No!
**[01:12] Alvin**
This is... not good!
**[01:14] Carla**
Excuse me...
**[01:15] Carla**
Are you having trouble?
**[01:18] Carla**
It's a pleasure to meet you.
**[01:20] Carla**
I'm a healer.
My name is Carla, the dark elf.
**[01:25] Alvin**
The pleasure is all mine!
**[01:27] Alvin**
I'm Alvin, the human...
**[01:29] Alvin**
I'm working as a warrior...
**[01:31] Alvin**
But this is no time for niceties!
**[01:34] Carla**
Are you all right?
**[01:36] Alvin**
Does it look like I'm all right?!
**[01:38] Alvin**
Quit standing there and help me already!
**[01:44] Carla**
If you want to ask for someone's help,
**[01:46] Carla**
shouldn't you kneel down in front of them
and press your forehead to the ground?!
**[01:55] Alvin**
A moment, if you please?
**[01:57] Mostly Bear**
Gao.
**[01:58] Carla**
Oh? Is something the matter?
**[02:01] Alvin**
That was supposed to be the
part where you help me.
**[02:04] Alvin**
Why the hell are you asking me to grovel?!
**[02:07] Carla**
Why are you yelling at me all of a sudden?
**[02:09] Carla**
Are you overly stressed, perhaps?
**[02:12] Alvin**
I'm only stressed because of this situation!
**[02:14] Carla**
You're angry that the magibeast
was about to beat you,
**[02:16] Carla**
so you're taking it out on me?
**[02:18] Carla**
You should really take responsibility
for your own failings...
**[02:20] Alvin**
Would you shut up?!
**[02:22] Carla**
You yelled at me again!
**[02:24] Carla**
Humans are scary! I hate you!
**[02:26] Alvin**
H-Hang on!
It's really not worth crying over!
**[02:29] Alvin**
I'm sorry for yelling, okay?!
**[02:34] Carla**
Sorry?
**[02:35] Carla**
Not painfully remorseful?
**[02:38] Alvin**
You little...
**[02:40] Alvin**
* No, stop it.*
* Don't let her take control.*
**[02:43] Alvin**
* Just engage her calmly,*
* like a mature adult...*
**[02:48] Carla**
Stare...
**[02:52] Carla**
Well? Where's that "painfully remorseful"?
**[02:56] Alvin**
*I can't do it... I'm gonna blow!*
**[02:58] Mostly Bear**
Gao?
**[03:00] Alvin**
Oh, crap! I totally forgot!
**[03:02] Alvin**
H-Hang on a little longer, would you?
**[03:06] Alvin**
All right, here's what we'll do.
**[03:08] Alvin**
Carla, was it?
**[03:09] Alvin**
If you help me, I'll do one thing you ask!
**[03:13] Carla**
*Anything* you ask?!
**[03:14] Alvin**
Within reason, of course!
**[03:16] Carla**
Grovel, then!
**[03:17] Alvin**
Is that your kink or something?!
**[03:18] Carla**
Actually, forget about that.
**[03:21] Carla**
Instead, Alvin-san...
**[03:23] Carla**
I'd like you to form a party with me!
**[03:26] Alvin**
Party?
**[03:27] Carla**
The truth is, I've never
been in a party before.
**[03:31] Alvin**
Understandable, given the
whole personality thing.
**[03:34] Carla**
No one will actually talk to me.
**[03:37] Carla**
I guess they all think
I'm out of their league.
**[03:41] Alvin**
More like leagues beneath a noxious swamp...
**[03:43] Alvin**
And that's the worst wink I've ever seen.
**[03:45] Alvin**
Anyway, I guess that's fine.
**[03:48] Carla**
Th-Thank you, Alvin-san!
**[03:51] Alvin**
*I can just ditch her later, after all.*
**[03:53] Alvin**
Just so you know,
my adventurer rank isn't very high.
**[03:57] Alvin**
So don't get your hopes up!
**[03:59] Carla**
Don't worry!
My hopes were low from the start!
**[04:01] Alvin**
That's not the part where you agree!
**[04:04] Alvin**
And knock off the thumbs up!
**[04:06] Alvin**
Anyway, could you make with the healing?
**[04:08] Carla**
Of the nation?
**[04:09] Alvin**
No, of me!
**[04:10] Carla**
Of you?
**[04:11] Carla**
But you seemed in pretty good shape with
all the yapping you've been doing...
**[04:15] Alvin**
Phrasing, please!
**[04:16] Carla**
Oh, I know.
**[04:18] Carla**
I think someone wants to be coddled!
**[04:20] Alvin**
Could just you get to it?
**[04:21] Carla**
I was just trying to lighten the mood.
**[04:24] Alvin**
Well, please don't. You stink at it.
**[04:27] Carla**
All right. Here I go!
**[04:31] Alvin**
This is so annoying.
**[04:33] Alvin**
*I'm ditching her the minute the battle—*
**[04:36] Carla**
Hold still!
**[04:38] Carla**
Your heart is still moving.
**[04:40] Alvin**
I'd be dead if it wasn't!
**[04:44] Carla**
Don't shout at me like that!
**[04:47] Carla**
You made me curse you accidentally!
**[04:50] Alvin**
You're the one who—
**[04:52] Alvin**
Wait, what did you say?
**[04:53] Carla**
I placed a curse on you accidentally.
**[04:56] Carla**
Tee-hee!
**[04:57] Alvin**
A healer who curses people is a little
avant-garde, don't you think?!
**[05:00] Carla**
Please remain calm.
**[05:01] Carla**
It's not much of a curse, really.
**[05:04] Alvin**
R-Really?
**[05:05] Carla**
It'll just kill you if
we get 300 meters apart.
**[05:09] Alvin**
K-Kill me...
**[05:15] Carla**
G-Gosh... I know you're grateful,
but you don't have to grovel.
**[05:19] Carla**
It's a little off-putting, really.
**[05:21] Alvin**
I'm not grateful, I'm despondent!
**[05:24] Alvin**
What am I supposed to do?!
**[05:25] Alvin**
I can't ditch you like this!
**[05:27] Carla**
Th-That's awful!
**[05:28] Carla**
You were just having your fun with me?!
**[05:30] Alvin**
I assure you, *none* of this is fun for me!
**[05:32] Mostly Bear**
Would you two please calm down, gao?
**[05:35] Alvin**
Who's that?
**[05:36] Mostly Bear**
It's not good to fight, kuma.
**[05:38] Mostly Bear**
Alvin-san.
**[05:40] Mostly Bear**
It's really not nice to yell
at a young lady, bear.
**[05:43] Mostly Bear**
And, Carla-chan, you could be a bit
more considerate of his feelings, gao.
**[05:47] Mostly Bear**
It's important for a
party to be civil, kuma.
**[05:50] Mostly Bear**
Let's talk it out, bear.
**[05:52] Mostly Bear**
Okay, gao?
**[05:54] Alvin**
Where'd this articulate
commentary come from?!
**[05:56] Alvin**
And get your speech tic consistent already!
**[06:03] Carla**
Ahem!
**[06:04] Carla**
This cycle of abuse won't get us anywhere.
**[06:06] Carla**
I'm willing to open a dialogue.
**[06:08] Carla**
The topic is...
**[06:09] Carla**
The tendency of warriors
to look down on healers!
**[06:12] Alvin**
Sorry to interrupt already,
**[06:14] Alvin**
but I have objections regarding this topic.
**[06:16] Alvin**
And I'm curious about one other thing...
**[06:18] Carla**
Does the accused have a statement?
**[06:20] Alvin**
Well, now I have another objection...
**[06:22] Alvin**
But setting that aside for now...
**[06:24] Alvin**
Why is the magibeast a part of this?
**[06:27] Carla**
Oh, how reprehensible!
**[06:29] Carla**
Just because you're a magibeast,
**[06:31] Carla**
he doesn't want to give you
a voice in the conversation!
**[06:34] Alvin**
It's more the fact that we
were fighting a minute ago!
**[06:37] Carla**
Truly reprehensible!
**[06:38] Carla**
Magibeasts are living things, just as we are!
**[06:41] Carla**
Different though our forms may be, if only
we would join hands in the spirit of kinship,
**[06:45] Carla**
we could surely achieve understanding!
**[06:47] Alvin**
Seems a little late to pull
out the "holy woman" act!
**[06:53] Mostly Bear**
May I, kuma?
**[06:55] Alvin**
He has a proposal?
**[06:56] Carla**
I'm told that the longest-lived magibeasts
**[06:59] Carla**
have high intelligence and
a wealth of experience.
**[07:03] Alvin**
Well, maybe if we're talking
about dragons and stuff...
**[07:06] Alvin**
Before you give your opinion,
could we have your name?
**[07:10] Mostly Bear**
Oh, forgive my rudeness, gao.
**[07:13] Mostly Bear**
Hmm... Our species doesn't have what your
kind refer to as "names," kuma...
**[07:19] Alvin**
Despite the high intelligence, he still
can't keep the speech tic consistent.
**[07:23] Mostly Bear**
But your kind tends to call our
species the "Mostly Bear," bear.
**[07:29] Alvin**
That's pretty darn lazy!
**[07:31] Carla**
What were you going to say, Mostly-san?
**[07:33] Mostly Bear**
Oh, yes, kuma.
**[07:35] Mostly Bear**
It occurred to me when I was watching
your conversation earlier...
**[07:38] Mostly Bear**
First, Carla-chan.
**[07:40] Mostly Bear**
Your healer class is a very
vulnerable one, kuma.
**[07:45] Mostly Bear**
The purpose of the warrior
class is to protect you.
**[07:49] Mostly Bear**
So if he dies, that would
put you in danger, as well.
**[07:53] Mostly Bear**
You seem like a very intelligent person,
**[07:55] Mostly Bear**
so I'm sure you know what that
indicates for your behavior, right?
**[08:00] Mostly Bear**
And Alvin-san, the accused.
**[08:03] Alvin**
"Accused"...
**[08:04] Mostly Bear**
Even if you were engaged in combat,
**[08:05] Mostly Bear**
you used extremely abusive language
towards someone you'd just met.
**[08:09] Mostly Bear**
The way you spoke seemed to suggest,
**[08:10] Mostly Bear**
"all healers are expected to heal all warriors,
even ones they've just met,"
**[08:15] Mostly Bear**
which is a very arrogant attitude, kuma.
**[08:17] Mostly Bear**
Elves are very sensitive
to negative emotions, gao.
**[08:20] Mostly Bear**
It's very possible she picked
up on that hostility, bear.
**[08:26] Mostly Bear**
I'm sorry to subject you to
this awful lecture, gao.
**[08:30] Mostly Bear**
But if you're going to be a party,
that means you'll need each other!
**[08:34] Mostly Bear**
And it appears, Alvin-san,
that you'll have to remain
**[08:37] Mostly Bear**
within 300 meters of Carla-chan
for the foreseeable future.
**[08:40] Mostly Bear**
I think it's important to approach each day
with a spirit of respect and gratitude, kuma!
**[08:45] Alvin**
A-A truly great speech, as expected of a
magibeast that can speak the human tongue.
**[08:48] Alvin**
His long lifespan has afforded
him great wisdom indeed!
**[08:54] Alvin**
Hey!
**[08:55] Alvin**
Were you sleeping through
that whole nice speech?!
**[08:58] Carla**
Of course I wasn't!
**[09:00] Alvin**
You were so!
**[09:01] Carla**
Don't tell me... you've never
heard of "sleep learning"?
**[09:05] Alvin**
So you *were* sleeping!
**[09:07] Alvin**
Sit down right now!
**[09:08] Carla**
But why—
**[09:09] Alvin**
Just sit down!
**[09:11] Carla**
Fine...
**[09:12] Alvin**
What exactly is your problem?
**[09:14] Alvin**
It's like you don't even
care that you cursed me!
**[09:17] Mostly Bear**
Calm down, kuma!
**[09:19] Alvin**
No way! There are some kinds of people
where you need to take a firm hand!
**[09:23] Mostly Bear**
Now, now, gao...
**[09:24] Alvin**
And what kind of thoughtless jerk falls
asleep when someone's talking to them?!
**[09:28] Mostly Bear**
Now, now, kuma...
**[09:29] Alvin**
That's only allowed when
it's the school principal!
**[09:33] Mostly Bear**
Now, now! That's not good either, bear!
**[09:35] Carla**
What about your local representative?!
**[09:37] Alvin**
Napping in front of government
officials is strictly forbidden!
**[09:40] Mostly Bear**
Napping in front of your principal
should be strictly forbidden, too, kuma!
**[09:44] Mostly Bear**
And what are you even talking about, bear?
**[09:46] Alvin**
This magibeast has lived a
very long time, you know!
**[09:49] Mostly Bear**
Er...
**[09:50] Alvin**
Which means he's your elder!
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 200 0 l 200 136 l 0 136
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 200 0 l 200 136 l 0 136
***SIGN*** Dark Elf (Female)
72 Years Old
(14-15 in Human Years)
**[09:52] Alvin**
You should show him some respect!
**[09:54] Alvin**
Am I right here?!
**[09:55] Alvin**
It's important to be kind to your elders!
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 200 0 l 200 136 l 0 136
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 200 0 l 200 136 l 0 136
***SIGN*** Mostly Bear
324 Years Old
(43-44 in Human Years)
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 200 0 l 200 136 l 0 136
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 200 0 l 200 136 l 0 136
***SIGN*** Human (Male)
30 Years Old
(7-8 in Warrior Lv.)
**[09:58] Alvin**
Honor thy grandmother and grandfather!
**[10:02] Mostly Bear**
Never discuss a lady's age, gao!
**[10:17] Carla**
My legs!
**[10:20] Carla**
Paralyze!
**[10:22] Carla**
Paralyze is not paradise!
**[10:24] Mostly Bear**
Oh, dear, kuma!
**[10:27] Mostly Bear**
What do I do, gao?
**[10:30] Mostly Bear**
What to do... What to do, gao?!
**[10:35] Mostly Bear**
Kuma!
**[10:37] Mostly Bear**
Behold the fearsome power
of the magibeast, bear!
**[10:41] Carla**
J-Just kill me...
**[11:03] Alvin**
I feel like I've been through
a serious ordeal...
**[11:07] Mostly Bear**
Oh, thank goodness!
**[11:08] Mostly Bear**
You're awake, bear?
**[11:10] Mostly Bear**
I just picked you some aurange fruits.
**[11:13] Mostly Bear**
Try one. It'll perk you right up, gao.
**[11:17] Alvin**
Thanks...
**[11:19] Alvin**
This is great!
**[11:22] Alvin**
Is this your house?
**[11:24] Mostly Bear**
Yes, it's my burrow.
**[11:26] Alvin**
Burrow?
**[11:27] Mostly Bear**
I'm just so glad you're alive, bear!
**[11:30] Mostly Bear**
A hit like that really could
have killed you, kuma.
**[11:34] Mostly Bear**
Of course, I'm the one
that inflicted it, gao...
**[11:37] Alvin**
I didn't realize you were actually a woman.
**[11:40] Alvin**
I'm sorry for speaking so rudely.
**[11:44] Mostly Bear**
I'm sorry, too, bear.
**[11:46] Alvin**
So, are you the one who
nursed me back to health?
**[11:48] Mostly Bear**
It wasn't me, kuma.
**[11:51] Mostly Bear**
She seems to have her own
feelings on the subject.
**[11:55] Mostly Bear**
Carla-chan spent the entire time treating
you with healing spells, bear.
**[11:59] Alvin**
Healing spells?
**[12:02] Carla**
Is it morning already?
**[12:04] Carla**
I'd like bread for breakfast.
**[12:06] Carla**
And I like my coffee with
lots of milk and sugar,
**[12:09] Carla**
and honey on my yogurt.
**[12:12] Alvin**
You're a picky one, huh?
**[12:14] Alvin**
And that outfit... I know what that's for!
***SIGN*** Picture shown for
illustration purpose only.
Actual Carlas may vary.
***SIGN*** Picture shown for
illustration purpose only.
Actual Carlas may vary.
**[12:17] Carla**
Harattama! Kiyottama!
**[12:17] Alvin**
It's for pounding nails into
an effigy to curse someone!
**[12:19] Carla**
Let this curse never be lifted!
**[12:25] Mostly Bear**
You were in such awful shape, bear.
**[12:27] Mostly Bear**
The first healing spell didn't suffice,
**[12:29] Mostly Bear**
so she had to keep doing it, gao.
**[12:32] Alvin**
That's a scary number of pins!
**[12:33] Mostly Bear**
She called it a kind of
magical acupuncture, gao.
**[12:37] Mostly Bear**
But you can see your wounds
have healed, bear.
**[12:40] Mostly Bear**
That's all thanks to Carla-chan, kuma!
**[12:42] Alvin**
I seem all right... for now...
**[12:44] Alvin**
But I'm not letting my guard down!
**[12:47] Carla**
Breakfast...
**[12:50] Alvin**
Hey.
**[13:00] Mostly Bear**
Gracious me...
**[13:01] Mostly Bear**
She's so relieved, she's crying, bear.
**[13:04] Carla**
I'morra bufeburoo...
**[13:06] Alvin**
You seem to be crying in
a very self-serving way.
**[13:09] Carla**
I'm so sor—
**[13:11] Carla**
I'm so sowwy.
**[13:13] Alvin**
Why did you change it halfway?!
**[13:14] Carla**
I did the best I could to
cast healing spells on you.
**[13:18] Carla**
But the damage was just so bad.
**[13:20] Carla**
I did manage to fix your body...
**[13:23] Carla**
but your face was so unsightly...
**[13:24] Alvin**
Phrasing, plea—
**[13:26] Alvin**
Wait, my face?
**[13:27] Carla**
The wounds on your face were so bad,
**[13:28] Carla**
and I, at least, wanted to get the
general layout back to normal...
**[13:31] Alvin**
*Did she have to reshape it?*
**[13:33] Carla**
I got it as close as I could
to your original face...
**[13:36] Carla**
But it just didn't work out, and...
**[13:37] Carla**
Now your face looks really stupid!
**[13:41] Alvin**
Complex burn?
**[13:42] Mostly Bear**
I'm afraid it's not even half-baked.
**[13:45] Alvin**
Huh? Was that supposed to be a joke?
**[13:48] Alvin**
You dropped your speech tic, too.
**[13:49] Mostly Bear**
Your face just looked so awful, kuma...
**[13:52] Mostly Bear**
There was just nothing we could do, gao.
**[13:54] Alvin**
Phrasing, please!
**[13:55] Mostly Bear**
Have a look, bear.
**[13:57] Alvin**
You have a hand mirror?
**[13:59] Mostly Bear**
A lady has to look her best!
**[14:01] Alvin**
Magibeasts care about that?
**[14:03] Alvin**
But, okay...
**[14:05] Alvin**
It sounds like the wounds on
my face haven't fully healed?
**[14:08] karly**
I'm so sowwy...
**[14:10] Alvin**
You like that phrasing, huh?
**[14:12] Alvin**
You said there was nothing you could do,
but it felt perfectly fine to me...
**[14:18] Alvin**
What?!
**[14:20] Mostly Bear**
Please don't hold it
against Carla-chan, bear!
**[14:24] Mostly Bear**
She worked so hard to
restore your face, kuma...
**[14:28] Mostly Bear**
But she lacked the sheer magic power...
**[14:29] Mostly Bear**
And it turned out just
barely passable, bear...
**[14:34] Mostly Bear**
Carla-chan, please don't cry!
**[14:38] Carla**
I mean, I'd never even seen what Alvin-san's
face looked like before this...
**[14:43] Mostly Bear**
It's not your fault, bear.
**[14:45] Mostly Bear**
If you wish to hate someone, hate me!
**[14:47] Mostly Bear**
Hate me, a magibeast, kuma!
**[14:50] Alvin**
Actually, it looks exactly
like it always did...
**[14:54] Mostly Bear**
I'm used to being hated by your kind, kuma!
**[14:57] Mostly Bear**
It's all my fault, gao!
**[14:58] Carla**
No, it's my fault!
**[15:00] Carla**
If only I had been stronger!
**[15:03] Alvin**
I'm telling you, it's back to normal!
**[15:05] Alvin**
And I look pretty healthy at that!
**[15:15] Alvin**
I'm telling you...
**[15:16] Alvin**
my face looks totally like it always did!
**[15:19] Carla**
Thank goodness! You're awake!
**[15:22] Alvin**
I've *been* awake!
**[15:23] Alvin**
Are you gonna pretend like
none of that ever happened?
**[15:25] Carla**
After injuries of such severity...
**[15:27] Carla**
This is truly a miracle of God!
**[15:29] Alvin**
What was all that about
me having a stupid face?
**[15:31] Carla**
Go, go, God! Viva God!
**[15:34] Alvin**
What was that "barely passable" stuff?
**[15:36] Carla**
And go, me, too! Viva Carla!
**[15:39] Mostly Bear**
Gao!
**[15:44] Mostly Bear**
I'll leave your mantle here, gao.
**[15:46] Alvin**
Thanks.
**[15:48] Alvin**
You seem to have a lot of equipment here.
**[15:51] Mostly Bear**
Well, I was quite a wild one in my youth.
**[15:55] Mostly Bear**
I picked more than my share of fights
with adventurers back then, bear.
**[15:59] Mostly Bear**
They're a bit like trophies from
that time in my life, gao.
**[16:02] Alvin**
Oh?
**[16:05] Alvin**
I guess a person's personality
changes when they get ol—
**[16:09] Alvin**
Ol... Ol... Ol...
**[16:11] Alvin**
Oleander, a type of tree!
**[16:16] Mostly Bear**
You're such a considerate person, kuma.
**[16:20] Mostly Bear**
I think you and Carla-chan
will get along well.
**[16:23] Alvin**
I really wish I could agree with you there!
**[16:26] Mostly Bear**
Give it your best, bear.
**[16:31] Carla**
*This feels really right.*
**[16:41] Carla**
In the name of God, I'll punish you!
**[16:44] Carla**
Holy Beam!
**[16:50] sign**
m 0 0 l 100 0 l 100 45 l 0 45
**[16:50] sign**
Alvin's
Mantle
**[16:57] Mostly Bear**
You're leaving already, bear?
**[16:59] Alvin**
Yeah.
**[17:00] Mostly Bear**
Y-You're sure you wouldn't
like to stay longer, kuma?
**[17:04] Mostly Bear**
It feels like we were brought
together for a reason, gao...
**[17:07] Mostly Bear**
You could always stay the night, bear.
**[17:10] Alvin**
You know I can't do that.
**[17:12] Alvin**
I'm a person. You're a magibeast.
**[17:14] Alvin**
We didn't belong together
in the first place!
**[17:18] Mostly Bear**
I... I suppose, gao.
**[17:21] Alvin**
But I'll warn you—I'm quite a sore loser!
**[17:24] Alvin**
You took me by surprise this time.
**[17:26] Alvin**
But next time, you won't get me so easily!
**[17:28] Mostly Bear**
Bear?
**[17:29] Alvin**
I'll be back for a rematch very soon!
**[17:32] Alvin**
And you'd better be ready when I do!
**[17:37] Alvin**
You get it?
**[17:38] Mostly Bear**
G-Gao!
**[17:42] Mostly Bear**
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
**[17:44] Mostly Bear**
Kuma! Kuma, kuma!
**[17:47] Mostly Bear**
You are quite a spirited human, gao!
**[17:49] Mostly Bear**
Very well!
**[17:50] Mostly Bear**
When you come for me,
I'll give you quite a welcome, bear!
**[17:53] Alvin**
I'll be counting on it.
**[17:55] Alvin**
In the meantime, get that
speech tic consistent!
**[17:58] Mostly Bear**
Kuma, kuma, kuma!
**[18:05] Carla**
Stop this right now!
**[18:07] Mostly Bear**
You *bear*ed me, gao!
**[18:09] Alvin**
What is it? What's wrong?
**[18:10] Carla**
What do you think?
**[18:13] Carla**
Why... Why do you have to fight?!
**[18:16] Carla**
Why... after we'd finally become friends...
**[18:19] Mostly Bear**
Now, wait a minute, kuma...
**[18:20] Carla**
Why do you have to swear to fight again?
**[18:24] Alvin**
Seriously, read the mood...
**[18:24] Mostly Bear**
Seriously, read the mood, gao...
**[18:27] Carla**
I thought we'd finally found proof that
magibeasts and humans could get along...
**[18:31] Alvin**
But we *do* get along!
**[18:32] Alvin**
This is just kind of...
a face-saving thing...
**[18:36] Alvin**
I really wish you'd just read the mood...
**[18:38] Carla**
Why can't you ever stop hating
and harming each other?!
**[18:41] Alvin**
It's really not like that!
**[18:42] Alvin**
We really do get along!
**[18:44] Alvin**
We're just pretending to be enemies,
for appearances' sake...
**[18:47] Alvin**
I'm pretty sure you're not
supposed to explain this stuff.
**[18:49] Alvin**
It feels super embarrassing...
**[18:51] Carla**
You can't fool me!
**[18:54] Carla**
You were injured, and Mostly-san
brought you all this way...
**[18:59] Carla**
She's your benefactor...
Your *bear*nefactor!
**[19:04] Carla**
But you can't even be grateful!
**[19:07] Carla**
That said, I'm the one who
actually healed you...
**[19:11] Carla**
So, in a way, I'm the one who
deserves most of the credit...
**[19:16] Carla**
Not that it's all that big a deal...
**[19:19] Carla**
But I really feel like you should show
**[19:22] Carla**
a little gratitude and respect to
the person who helped you out...
**[19:27] Mostly Bear**
Bear?
**[19:28] Carla**
Of course, it's not like I picked this
class to have people indebted to me...
**[19:34] Carla**
But if you *really* wanted to
express your gratitude to me,
**[19:39] Carla**
I suppose I wouldn't turn you down...
**[19:44] Carla**
So if you wanted to give this mace
to me, I wouldn't turn it down.
**[19:49] Carla**
I certainly wouldn't turn it down!
***SIGN*** Give me a reward!
**[19:52] Carla**
Thanks a bunch!
**[20:02] Alvin**
So you just took it, huh?
**[20:05] Carla**
As compensation for my services, of course.
**[20:07] Alvin**
It felt more like you fast-talked
your way into it, to me...
**[20:11] Alvin**
Anyway, how long does this
"I die if we split up" curse last?
**[20:15] Alvin**
Isn't there any way to lift it?
**[20:20] Alvin**
Everything you do ticks me off!
**[20:23] Alvin**
Every wave! Every step!
**[20:26] Alvin**
I guess we're stuck together
for a while, then!
**[20:29] Carla**
Indeed. To my great displeasure.
**[20:31] Alvin**
The displeasure is all mine,
I can promise you that!
**[20:34] Alvin**
But ah, well.
**[20:36] Alvin**
You remember how I promised I'd do one
thing you asked if you helped me?
**[20:40] Carla**
Yes.
**[20:41] Alvin**
You saved me from my serious injuries.
**[20:43] Alvin**
So I'll do what you asked.
**[20:44] Alvin**
I'll form a party with you!
**[20:47] Alvin**
Look after me.
**[20:49] Carla**
S... Same to you.
**[20:53] Alvin**
That hurt!
**[20:55] Carla**
Oh, I didn't mean...
**[20:57] Carla**
I guess you're pretty sad you didn't
get to hold a girl's hand, though.
**[21:01] Alvin**
What was that?!
**[21:02] Carla**
Yelling won't erase the
fact that I was right!
**[21:06] Alvin**
Trying to prove my innocence
is annoying, too!
**[21:10] Carla**
Tee-hee!
***SIGN*** Don't Hurt Me,
***SIGN*** Don't Hurt Me,
***SIGN*** My Healer!
**[22:27] Carla**
By the way, Alvin-hyan...
**[22:29] Alvin**
What is it, *Carla-hyan*?
**[22:31] Carla**
Where are we staying tonight?
**[22:34] Carla**
It'll be morning by the
time we reach a town.
**[22:38] Alvin**
Not sure...
**[22:40] Carla**
Mostly-san offered to let us stay
the night and everything...
**[22:43] Alvin**
You...
**[22:44] Alvin**
After all that posturing,
there's no way I could've stayed the night!
**[22:48] Alvin**
And it would be way too
embarrassing to go back now...
**[22:51] Carla**
Alvin-san?
**[22:54] Alvin**
What now?
**[22:55] Carla**
I'm suddenly getting a very
keen and powerful intuition...
**[22:59] Carla**
You're actually extremely
incompetent, aren't you?
**[23:02] Carla**
You can't even object?
**[23:05] Carla**
Bingo.
**[23:06] Alvin**
You're quite sure of yourself, huh?
**[23:07] Carla**
But don't worry, Alvin-san!
I'm with you!
**[23:12] Carla**
Just leave everything to me!
***SIGN*** Next Time
**[23:25] Alvin**
Next episode's title is
**[23:27] Alvin**
"Forced to travel
with Carla, a healer,
**[23:29] Alvin**
Alvin resumes his original quest
to gather antidote herbs,
**[23:34] Alvin**
but on the way he ends up getting
attacked in a graveyard by ghosts
**[23:36] Alvin**
which they manage to escape
unexpectedly, but then..."
***SIGN*** "Forced to travel with Carla, a healer, Alvin resumes his original
quest to gather antidote herbs, but on the way he ends up getting
attacked in a graveyard by ghosts which they manage to escape
unexpectedly, but then fall into a trap set by goblins and basically
the first half of the episode is filled with great suffering but Carla's
curse is still in effect so he can't get away from her and there's
even more suffering in store nevertheless and anyway these titles
are really long and kind of serve double-duty as next episode
previews and we're pretty curious about how many people
actually listen to the whole thing and that's the deal with episode 2"
***SIGN*** See you then!
# E2 - Forced to travel with Carla, a healer...
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GVWU0Q0ED/forced-to-travel-with-carla-a-healer)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:01] Alvin**
*Behold, the vast world in which we live!*
**[00:04] Alvin**
* It is rampant with monsters*
* that threaten human life.*
**[00:10] Alvin**
* This threat is opposed by*
* countless adventurers! Heroes!*
**[00:17] Alvin**
* Every day, they face these*
* dangerous battles...*
**[00:21] Alvin**
*To protect the people! To protect the world!*
**[00:27] Alvin**
And I, Alvin, am one of them!
**[00:32] alvin**
*Now in a party with Carla, the healer,*
**[00:35] alvin**
*my journey continues!*
***SIGN*** Don't Hurt Me,
***SIGN*** Don't Hurt Me,
***SIGN*** My Healer!
***SIGN*** "Forced to travel with Carla, a healer..."
**[02:20] Alvin**
I'm pretty sure this is the right way...
**[02:23] Carla**
Where exactly are we going,
and what are we doing, Alvin-san?
**[02:29] Alvin**
We're gathering antidote herbs.
**[02:31] Alvin**
It's a quest I received from
the Adventurers Guild.
**[02:33] Alvin**
My fight with the Mostly Bear kept me
from reaching my destination yesterday.
**[02:46] Carla**
Gathering antidote herbs?
**[02:48] Carla**
That's a quest for beginners, isn't it?
**[02:50] Carla**
That should be just the right level of difficulty
for a rookie adventurer like you, Alvin-san.
**[02:56] Alvin**
Aren't you a healer?
**[02:58] Alvin**
Shouldn't the things you say
make people feel *better*?
**[03:00] Alvin**
*Freaking hell.*
**[03:01] Alvin**
* If not for that stupid curse,*
* I'd have ditched her ages ago!*
**[03:05] Carla**
Alvin-san.
**[03:07] Carla**
Are you certain that this is the right way?
**[03:12] Alvin**
Yeah, it should be right down this road.
**[03:14] Carla**
Does that mean we'll have
to pass through there?
**[03:55] Carla**
Alvin-san, to your right!
**[03:58] Carla**
Now, to the north-northwest!
**[04:00] Carla**
Not that way!
Twenty degrees right diagonal!
**[04:03] Carla**
Now! At eight o'clock
plus fifty-two minutes!
**[04:08] Carla**
Next, the ox-tiger direction!
**[04:11] Carla**
What's wrong?
Are you hard of hearing?
**[04:14] Carla**
Hey!
**[04:15] Alvin**
Your instructions are impossible to f—
**[04:19] Alvin**
Are you having a picnic?!
**[04:23] Alvin**
What's *wrong* with you?
**[04:25] Alvin**
How can you be drinking
tea while I'm fighting?
**[04:29] Alvin**
Say something!
**[04:30] Carla**
I'm just taking a little break.
**[04:32] Alvin**
You've got a whole brunch setup on here!
**[04:35] Carla**
You don't have to be so mad...
**[04:37] Carla**
I made enough sandwiches
for you, too, Alvin-san.
**[04:39] Alvin**
That's not what I'm mad about!
**[04:41] Carla**
And I ate them!
**[04:42] Alvin**
Now *that* I'm mad about!
**[04:46] Alvin**
We can't move on until we
beat these guys, remember?
**[04:51] GhostA**
Feels a little chilly today, huh?
**[04:53] GhostB**
Must be a ghost thing, huh?
**[04:56] Alvin**
But I'm stuck here fighting all on my own...
**[04:59] Alvin**
Couldn't you help me out a little?
**[05:03] Alvin**
What's with that expression?
**[05:05] Carla**
You're aware that physical attacks
don't work on ghosts, right?
**[05:10] Carla**
You need silver weapons or magic.
**[05:15] Alvin**
Is that true?
**[05:17] Carla**
Oh, I'm so sorry!
**[05:20] Alvin**
Hey, where's this coming from?!
**[05:22] Carla**
I knew you were a beginner, and yet...
**[05:26] Carla**
If only I'd told you that in advance,
**[05:29] Carla**
you wouldn't have been forced to
humiliate yourself like this!
**[05:31] Ghost**
How embarrassing.
**[05:33] Alvin**
I... I didn't humiliate myself!
**[05:35] Alvin**
Everyone makes a mistake
or two in their life!
**[05:38] Alvin**
And besides, this is my
first time fighting ghosts!
**[05:42] Carla**
Hey, calm down already.
**[05:44] Alvin**
Calm down?! You little...
**[05:47] Carla**
That way you were dancing...
**[05:52] Carla**
I mean, the way you were fighting
earlier looked really cool!
**[05:55] Carla**
With moves like that,
you could get into the circus!
**[05:57] Alvin**
What am I, a clown to you?!
**[05:59] Carla**
You should take it as a compliment!
**[06:00] Carla**
They make laughingstocks out of themselves
just to give other people a good time!
**[06:05] Alvin**
I wasn't trying to give
other people a good time!
**[06:07] Alvin**
Sheesh. Like she knows so
much about everything...
**[06:10] Alvin**
If you're going to lecture me,
you could at least try to contribute!
**[06:13] Carla**
Excuse me? Have you forgotten my class?
**[06:17] Alvin**
Stress-maker?
**[06:19] Carla**
Harrumph!
**[06:20] Carla**
At least call me a stress goddess!
**[06:23] Alvin**
You see what I mean?
**[06:25] Carla**
It's quite obvious that I am a healer.
**[06:28] Carla**
In other words, a holy woman!
**[06:29] Alvin**
Big doubts there!
**[06:30] Carla**
I exist to bring comfort to lost souls.
**[06:33] Alvin**
What? So you'll unleash a
light spell or something?
**[06:37] Carla**
Hopeless child. So quick to
solve everything with violence!
**[06:41] Carla**
It's so sad!
**[06:42] Alvin**
"Sad" certainly describes how I'm feeling...
**[06:44] Carla**
Sad!
**[06:46] Alvin**
Seriously, drop it.
**[06:48] Carla**
Ghosts are fated to wander this
world due to unfinished business.
**[06:53] Carla**
All we need to do is resolve
whatever's bothering them.
**[06:56] GhostC**
I see!
**[06:58] Alvin**
And you think you can do that?
**[07:00] Carla**
I think if I just hear out their stories,
**[07:02] Carla**
and say things like "poor thing!" and
"that's pretty rough!" they'll pass on.
**[07:08] Carla**
Easy-peasy.
**[07:09] Alvin**
What is this, a girls' night out?
**[07:10] Carla**
We'll start with you.
**[07:12] GhostD**
What, me?
**[07:14] Carla**
Do you have any regrets in life?
**[07:16] GhostD**
Y-Yes...
**[07:18] GhostD**
I was twenty years old when I died.
**[07:21] GhostD**
It happened just two weeks after
getting my first girlfriend!
**[07:25] Carla**
Poor thing! That's pretty rough!
**[07:28] Carla**
Super-bad times!
**[07:29] Alvin**
Don't mock the dead, you holy fraud!
**[07:32] Alvin**
And did you actually say "super-bad times"?
**[07:34] Carla**
Incidentally, Alvin-san is thirty years old,
**[07:37] Carla**
and he says he's never dated a woman.
**[07:39] Alvin**
She mocks the living, too.
**[07:43] GhostD**
Thank you. I guess I was a lucky man!
**[07:48] Alvin**
And now the dead are mocking me.
**[07:50] GhostE**
Excuse me.
**[07:51] Carla**
Yes?
**[07:52] GhostE**
I used to be a warrior.
**[07:55] GhostE**
But I was killed by a golem!
It's so frustrating!
**[07:59] Carla**
Alvin-san, can you defeat a golem?
**[08:02] Alvin**
Well, I was hoping to face
one sooner or later.
**[08:05] Alvin**
But right now, five slimes
is about the best I can do.
**[08:11] GhostE**
Five slimes?!
**[08:13] GhostE**
Scrub! I'm ded! Trollolol!
**[08:16] Alvin**
I thought so!
**[08:17] Carla**
Incredible!
**[08:19] Carla**
We're sending them all to their final rest!
**[08:22] Carla**
And laughing as they go!
**[08:23] Alvin**
He was laughing *at me*!
**[08:25] Carla**
You might have a future in this, Alvin-san!
**[08:28] Alvin**
A future? What kind?
**[08:30] Carla**
It takes an exceptional person
to help a ghost rest in peace!
**[08:33] Carla**
I think you really have what it takes!
**[08:36] Carla**
Are you light-element affiliated?
**[08:38] Carla**
O Warrior of Light!
**[08:40] Carla**
O Holy Knight!
**[08:41] Alvin**
Hey, lay off...
**[08:43] Carla**
O Circus Performer?
**[08:44] Alvin**
I'm not a clown!
**[08:49] Alvin**
Well, we made it through the graveyard,
**[08:53] Alvin**
but now I'm exhausted.
**[08:54] Carla**
We could have stayed there longer and helped
all the ghosts find their final rest.
***SIGN*** Alvin, Warrior of Light,
offers free passage
to the next life!!
**[09:06] Alvin**
Don't be stupid!
**[09:07] Alvin**
I'm a warrior, start to finish!
**[09:09] Alvin**
I'm not about to change classes!
**[09:11] Carla**
I feel like it's a waste of your
talent, but if you insist.
**[09:14] Carla**
It's a common saying: "A person's ambitions
don't always match their talents."
**[09:19] Alvin**
Imagine I said the exact same thing to you.
**[09:22] Alvin**
Now, let's go.
**[09:24] Alvin**
We still haven't finished our quest!
**[09:30] Carla**
Alvin-san?
**[09:33] Carla**
Alvin-san?
**[09:35] Alvin**
People tend to think of gathering
antidote herbs as an easy quest,
**[09:40] Alvin**
but there are many things
you need to watch out for.
**[09:42] Alvin**
This forest, in particular,
is rife with goblins!
**[09:46] Alvin**
They're not strong, but they're tricky!
**[09:49] Alvin**
If you're not careful,
you'll end up in a goblin trap!
**[09:55] Alvin**
Like I just did.
**[10:11] Carla**
Are you all right?!
**[10:13] Alvin**
Is that how you check on someone?
**[10:16] Carla**
Thank goodness! I was so worried!
**[10:19] Alvin**
You seem pretty relaxed to me!
**[10:21] Carla**
How are you feeling?
**[10:23] Alvin**
I feel extremely ashamed.
**[10:25] Carla**
One of those, "I'd like to crawl into a
hole and never come out" feelings, right?
**[10:30] Carla**
Well, I guess you succeeded there!
**[10:33] Alvin**
Could you please be quiet?
**[10:35] Carla**
Can you get out?
**[10:37] Alvin**
I'll try.
**[10:40] Alvin**
This won't be easy.
**[10:42] Alvin**
The ground breaks apart too easily.
**[10:44] Alvin**
There wouldn't happen to be something
like a rope around, would there?
**[10:47] Carla**
Something like a rope?
**[10:49] Carla**
You mean like intestines?
**[10:50] Alvin**
That idea is insane!
**[10:51] Alvin**
Not even a necromancer would
come up with "intestines"
**[10:55] Alvin**
when asked for something like a rope!
**[10:57] Carla**
But you can't expect a rope
to just fall into my lap.
**[11:01] Alvin**
And you think intestines would?!
**[11:04] Alvin**
A vine from the trees would be just as good!
**[11:05] Alvin**
Could you please just hurry?
**[11:07] Alvin**
If a monster shows up now,
I'm a sitting duck!
**[11:10] Carla**
Very well!
**[11:12] Carla**
I'll go searching.
**[11:13] Alvin**
Hey! Don't go too far!
**[11:16] Alvin**
Remember, I'll die if we
get 300 meters apart!
**[11:20] Carla**
Were you waiting long?
**[11:22] Alvin**
Not long at all, actually!
**[11:24] Carla**
That exchange just now...
**[11:27] Carla**
It sounded like a couple
meeting up for a date.
**[11:29] Carla**
Unpleasant.
**[11:30] Alvin**
What in the world...
**[11:31] Alvin**
And did you even look?
**[11:34] Carla**
I'm sorry.
**[11:36] Carla**
I didn't see anything that
looked like intestines.
**[11:38] Alvin**
That sounds like a good thing.
**[11:40] Carla**
But I did run into a person,
so I called them here.
**[11:43] Carla**
Right over here!
**[11:44] Alvin**
A person? In this forest?
**[11:47] Carla**
He's the one who dug the hole!
**[11:49] Alvin**
That's a freaking goblin!
**[11:51] Carla**
What, is that bad?
**[11:53] Alvin**
Yes, it's very bad!
**[11:54] Alvin**
Why did you call a monster here?!
**[11:56] Carla**
Are you really in a position
to be choosy right now?
**[12:00] Alvin**
You bet your ass I am!
**[12:01] Alvin**
When he looks at me, he sees—
**[12:04] Alvin**
Wait...
**[12:06] Alvin**
Why's he crying?
**[12:09] Carla**
What's wrong, Gobkichi-san?
**[12:11] Alvin**
You're already introduced?
**[12:12] Carla**
Why are you crying?
**[12:14] Carla**
I think Alvin-san is the one
who should be crying!
**[12:17] Carla**
I mean, look at the situation he's in!
**[12:18] Alvin**
No kidding!
**[12:20] Gobkichi**
I dug that hole to catch wild boars...
**[12:27] Carla**
Gobkichi-san...
**[12:28] Gobkichi**
And now... this...
**[12:30] Gobkichi**
I'm so pathetic!
**[12:33] Carla**
Apologize!
**[12:35] Alvin**
Me?!
**[12:49] Carla**
We're almost at the place where
the antidote herbs grow, right?
**[12:53] Alvin**
Hush!
**[12:54] Alvin**
This isn't good...
**[12:56] Alvin**
It's a cyclops!
**[12:57] Alvin**
We've got to get out of
here before he sees us!
**[13:01] Carla**
Wait a minute!
**[13:02] Carla**
Are you sure that's what you want to do?
**[13:05] Carla**
A person can't mature if they avoid
anything that might challenge them.
**[13:09] Carla**
Over time, such people...
**[13:12] Carla**
turn out just like you, Alvin-san!
**[13:14] Alvin**
I'm already like me!
**[13:16] Carla**
That's why we should beat him ourselves!
**[13:18] Carla**
Yeah!
**[13:19] Alvin**
Don't say "yeah!"
**[13:22] Alvin**
I just said that five slimes was my limit!
**[13:26] Alvin**
So... do you have a plan
to beat him or something?
**[13:29] Carla**
I have the ultimate, secret plan known as me!
**[13:33] Carla**
Isn't that nice?
**[13:34] Alvin**
Please keep it a secret forever!
**[13:36] Alvin**
So, what were you intending to do?
**[13:39] Carla**
Tut, tut!
**[13:40] Carla**
Alvin-san. Remember, I'm a healer!
***SIGN*** Ta-da
**[13:44] Carla**
So I'll use summoning magic!
**[13:46] Alvin**
Do healers do that?
**[13:48] Carla**
All the hip, young healers
are into summoning magic!
**[13:52] Alvin**
I wish they were into common sense!
**[13:55] Alvin**
So? What exactly do you intend to summon?
**[13:58] Carla**
Would you like to see what they look like?
**[14:00] Carla**
For the lowest level summoned beast,
I don't even need a ritual.
**[14:05] Alvin**
For real? Sure, show me!
**[14:07] Alvin**
I kind of want to see it!
**[14:09] Carla**
Very well.
**[14:15] Alvin**
Put it back!
**[14:16] Alvin**
What are you?! A servant of the devil?!
**[14:19] Carla**
What do you expect?
**[14:20] Carla**
It's the lowest level kind, after all.
**[14:24] Carla**
With a proper ritual,
**[14:26] Carla**
I can call a proper summoned beast.
**[14:28] Carla**
Although it will take some time...
**[14:31] Alvin**
Now that you mention it,
**[14:33] Alvin**
shouldn't you start summoning right now,
**[14:35] Alvin**
before the Cyclops notices us?
**[14:37] Carla**
I can't do that. No way!
**[14:40] Alvin**
Why not?!
**[14:41] Carla**
It doesn't feel dramatic enough.
**[14:44] Alvin**
It doesn't need to be entertaining!
**[14:46] Carla**
By the way, you've been making a
lot of noise for a while now...
**[14:50] Alvin**
Why do you think that is?!
**[14:52] Carla**
...so he's already noticed us.
**[15:04] Alvin**
We're... We're not actually ready.
**[15:06] Cyclops**
Oh, okay. I'll wait.
**[15:08] Alvin**
Why's he so damn nice?!
**[15:09] Alvin**
He said he'll wait!
**[15:11] Carla**
No need for that.
**[15:13] Carla**
I've already prepared for the summoning.
**[15:15] Alvin**
What is that?!
**[15:16] Carla**
I'll launch this into the air...
**[15:19] Carla**
and it will travel through dimensions,
and reach the summoned beast!
**[15:22] Carla**
Then the summoned beast will
come running to our aid!
**[15:24] Carla**
It's my brilliantly unique summoning method!
**[15:28] Carla**
Go!
**[15:37] Alvin**
Hey, it's coming back.
**[15:43] Carla**
It's from my summoned beast.
**[15:45] Carla**
"I've been asked to babysit
the neighborhood kids,
**[15:47] Carla**
so I can't come."
**[15:48] Alvin**
How very considerate!
**[15:50] Cyclops**
So?
**[15:52] Cyclops**
You need something from these rocks?
**[15:54] Alvin**
Well... actually... that is...
**[16:00] Cyclops**
So, you're trying to gather antidote herbs?
**[16:03] Cyclops**
You could've just said so earlier!
**[16:06] Alvin**
Well, thanks for showing us the way...
**[16:08] Cyclops**
Well, these rocks are my turf,
**[16:12] Cyclops**
so I know the way better than you.
**[16:15] Carla**
And the antidote herbs are this way?
**[16:17] Cyclops**
Yeah, they're right here.
**[16:24] Cyclops**
Take as many as you like!
**[16:26] Cyclops**
Use them to help someone suffering
the ravages of poison!
**[16:30] Cyclops**
Later!
**[16:32] Alvin**
Thanks again!
**[16:33] Carla**
Thank you so much!
**[16:36] Alvin**
What a nice guy!
**[16:38] Carla**
I'm glad I didn't call that summoned beast.
**[16:41] Carla**
My intuition was right on the money!
**[16:43] Alvin**
You just got lucky!
**[16:44] Alvin**
And I'm feeling pretty good right now,
so could you please not ruin it?
**[16:54] Alvin**
I'm glad we got lots of herbs,
but the sun's down already...
**[16:58] Alvin**
We'll have to camp out tonight.
**[17:00] Carla**
I suppose...
**[17:02] Alvin**
Boy, I'm exhausted.
**[17:03] Alvin**
I'm as exhausted as a man can be!
**[17:07] Alvin**
*Since forming a party with Carla,*
**[17:09] Alvin**
* I've felt forms of exhaustion*
* I never knew before.*
**[17:12] Alvin**
* Being in a party is way*
* harder than I expected.*
**[17:15] Alvin**
* I figured partying up with a healer*
* would make everything easier...*
**[17:19] Alvin**
*That said... is she even really a healer?*
**[17:24] Alvin**
* She pulled out that creepy*
* summoned beast earlier today...*
**[17:27] Alvin**
*Does she even know any proper spells?*
**[17:29] Alvin**
*I don't think Mostly Bear-san would lie,*
**[17:33] Alvin**
*so I assume she really did heal me,*
**[17:36] Alvin**
* but she was also wearing*
* that weird outfit...*
**[17:39] Alvin**
* Maybe the reason I'm really*
* getting so tired so often*
**[17:42] Alvin**
* is because she's an evil witch*
* draining my life force?*
**[17:47] Alvin**
*Maybe, while I still can...*
**[17:49] Alvin**
*No, no!*
**[17:49] Alvin**
* Remember, you'll die if you*
* get 300 meters away from her!*
**[17:52] Alvin**
*I can't even run away!*
**[17:55] Alvin**
* Well, it's true that other than the curse*
* and the mental stress she's caused,*
**[17:59] Alvin**
*she hasn't done me any harm...*
**[18:01] Alvin**
* I guess I should just wait*
* and see a little longer.*
**[18:04] Alvin**
*Look at her, not even caring how I feel!*
**[18:08] Alvin**
What's with all the fidgeting, anyway?
**[18:12] Carla**
Well... at times like these... you know...
**[18:17] Carla**
We're supposed to talk
about who we like, right?!
**[18:19] Alvin**
It's not a dang sleepover!
**[18:21] Carla**
What, it isn't?!
**[18:23] Alvin**
Camping isn't some game!
**[18:25] Alvin**
Dangerous monsters come out at night!
**[18:27] Alvin**
We have to take turns standing watch,
**[18:29] Alvin**
keep our wits about us, and...
**[18:32] Alvin**
What are you laughing about?
**[18:35] Carla**
Oh... I'm sorry.
**[18:37] Carla**
I just found it extremely funny
to receive a high-handed lecture
**[18:39] Carla**
from a person so green
that he fell into a hole.
**[18:42] Alvin**
I really wish you could
work on that phrasing!
**[18:45] Alvin**
Still, you're acting a little goofy now.
**[18:48] Alvin**
Are you enjoying yourself?
**[18:50] Carla**
I wouldn't say that.
**[18:52] Carla**
But this is my first time camping out.
**[18:57] Carla**
So I suppose it feels rather
like a new experience,
**[19:00] Carla**
and I feel kind of like a real adventurer...
**[19:03] Carla**
And I guess it is fun.
**[19:08] Carla**
What about you, Alvin-san?
**[19:10] Alvin**
I've camped out several times.
**[19:14] Alvin**
But I guess it is... my first time
doing it with a real companion.
**[19:20] Carla**
Alvin-san...
**[19:23] Carla**
You don't have any friends?
**[19:25] Alvin**
You don't, either!
**[19:28] Alvin**
Here we go.
**[19:29] Alvin**
Time for bed.
**[19:30] Carla**
It seems a bit early for that.
**[19:31] Carla**
Are you an old man?
**[19:33] Alvin**
It's talking with you that
makes me feel tired!
**[19:38] Alvin**
You seem pretty wide awake,
so I'll rest first.
**[19:41] Carla**
I don't mind, of course.
**[19:43] Carla**
Falling into that hole must have
been very mentally taxing.
**[19:46] Alvin**
The only thing taxing here is you!
**[19:51] Alvin**
Anyway, wake me up in three hours.
**[19:54] Carla**
Understood.
**[19:55] Carla**
In the meantime, I'll...
**[19:57] Alvin**
Stand watch, right?
**[19:59] Carla**
...sing a song.
**[20:00] Alvin**
Why?
**[20:03] Carla**
What a strange question!
**[20:05] Alvin**
If you wanna talk "strange," let's
talk about how your mind works!
**[20:07] Alvin**
Did your brain short out or something?!
**[20:09] Carla**
Well, I was going to sing a lullaby.
**[20:11] Carla**
Here I go...
**[20:13] Carla**
Despite what you might think,
I really do love singing.
**[20:15] Alvin**
I wish you'd love *silence*.
**[20:18] Carla**
And they say my singing voice
draws birds out of the skies!
**[20:23] Alvin**
With what, the shock waves?
**[20:25] Alvin**
And you still suck at winking.
**[20:26] Carla**
Please, just trust me and listen!
**[20:30] Alvin**
Well... I might as well give you a chance.
**[20:37] Carla**
Neeryooom! Chugga-chugga-chugga-chug!
**[20:39] Alvin**
Okay, stop!
**[20:41] Carla**
But that was just the intro!
**[20:43] Alvin**
What kind of lullaby has an intro?!
**[20:45] Alvin**
And what kind of lullaby goes that hard?!
**[20:49] Carla**
I'll try a more peaceful one, then.
**[20:51] Alvin**
That should've been your first go-to!
**[20:54] Carla**
I'll begin, then.
**[20:55] Carla**
*Go to sleep... Go to sleep...*
**[21:00] Carla**
*Listen to my calming song... and sleep...*
**[21:08] Alvin**
She's not bad.
**[21:09] Carla**
*Then fall into the abyss of endless fear,*
**[21:13] Carla**
*be tormented by nightmares, never waking,*
**[21:17] Carla**
*as you writhe in agony...*
**[21:19] Alvin**
Is this a curse?!
**[21:20] Carla**
How rude!
**[21:21] Carla**
That song was guaranteed
to put you in a slumber!
**[21:23] Alvin**
An *eternal* slumber, maybe!
**[21:25] Alvin**
I've been wondering since we met,
**[21:27] Alvin**
but are you really even a healer?!
**[21:34] Alvin**
Crap! I yelled too loud
and summoned a monster!
**[21:39] Beast**
Could you people shut up?!
**[21:41] Beast**
Don't you know what time it is?!
**[21:43] Alvin**
He's yelling at us!
**[21:45] Beast**
Get to sleep already!
**[21:47] Alvin**
Yes, sir!
***SIGN*** Next Time
**[23:25] Carla**
Next episode's title is
**[23:27] Carla**
"Despite the terrible time he's been having
during his travels with Carla the healer
**[23:32] Carla**
for two episodes Alvin tries to keep up
his job as a monster-hunting adventurer
***SIGN*** See you then!
**[23:37] sign**
"Despite the terrible time he's been having during his travels with Carla
the healer for two episodes Alvin tries to keep up his job as a
monster-hunting adventurer which I guess shows some pretty impressive
resolve except when he runs into a mushroom monster he challenges
to a fight and it turns out to be tougher than expected and by the way
this won't get mentioned in the series proper but his species is called
matango and you might think it has an adult male voice but also
given how it was drawn in the manga a childish voice might
work too, and it's just one big surprise after another, but the truth is
we actually wrote this title in early 2021 before we cast the voice actor,
so I'm actually looking forward to who's voicing it but anyway there's
more going on than the question of whether Alvin can beat the
mushroom and that's the deal with episode 3."
**[23:37] Carla**
which I guess shows some
pretty impressive resolve..."
# E3 - Despite the terrible time he's been having...
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G31UX0X1P/despite-the-terrible-time-hes-been-having)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:01] Alvin**
Behold, the vast world in which we live!
**[00:04] Alvin**
It is rampant with monsters
that threaten human life.
**[00:10] Alvin**
This threat is opposed by
countless adventurers! Heroes!
**[00:17] Alvin**
Every day, they face these
dangerous battles...
**[00:21] Alvin**
To protect the people! To protect the world!
**[00:27] Alvin**
And I, Alvin, am one of them!
**[00:32] Alvin**
Now in a party with Carla, the healer,
**[00:35] Alvin**
my journey continues!
***SIGN*** Don't Hurt Me,
***SIGN*** Don't Hurt Me,
***SIGN*** My Healer!
***SIGN*** Despite the terrible time he's been having...
**[02:12] Alvin**
There's something I've been wondering.
**[02:15] Carla**
What is it?
**[02:16] Carla**
This is very out of the indigo.
**[02:19] Alvin**
Are you really a healer?
**[02:29] Alvin**
I'm talking to *you*, Carla-san.
**[02:32] Carla**
Me? Of all people?
**[02:34] Alvin**
Who else could there be?
**[02:36] Carla**
Where is this coming from?
**[02:37] Carla**
Are you suggesting I'm not very healer-like?
**[02:39] Carla**
What's not healery about me?
**[02:40] Alvin**
Everything?
**[02:41] Carla**
But I'm so kind!
**[02:43] Alvin**
Objection.
**[02:44] Carla**
Overflowing with motherly instinct!
**[02:46] Alvin**
Objection.
**[02:47] Carla**
Who could ever doubt someone
so soothing to the soul?!
**[02:50] Alvin**
Major bottleneck of objections here!
**[02:51] Carla**
Then let me ask you a question, Alvin-san.
**[02:53] Carla**
What do you think a healer should be like?
**[02:55] Alvin**
Let's see...
**[02:58] Alvin**
A healer should be kind and motherly...
**[03:01] Alvin**
Just being with them should
be soothing to the soul!
**[03:05] Alvin**
Not even close, bud!
**[03:07] Alvin**
Why are you blushing?!
**[03:09] Alvin**
I've never even seen you
use a single proper spell!
**[03:13] Carla**
So if you saw me use one,
you'd believe me then?
**[03:17] Carla**
Would you mind if I broke
a few of your ribs, then?
**[03:20] Alvin**
And there we are!
**[03:22] Alvin**
Behavior unbecoming of a healer!
**[03:24] Carla**
But if you want me to use curative magic,
**[03:26] Carla**
I need you to get hurt...
**[03:28] Alvin**
Then pick another—
**[03:31] Alvin**
Hey, look at that!
***SIGN*** Here I go! Off to slaughter humankind!
***SIGN*** Young and old, men and women!
***SIGN*** All shall fall to the bloodbath!
**[03:44] Carla**
It's a monster.
***SIGN*** Bloodbath! Bloodbath!
**[03:45] Carla**
And a fiendish one, at that.
**[03:46] Alvin**
All right.
**[03:48] Alvin**
I'll go fight him!
**[03:50] Carla**
I see!
**[03:51] Carla**
And then, after you die, I can resurrect you!
**[03:55] Alvin**
That's an interesting
conclusion you jumped to.
**[03:57] Carla**
You think you can beat him, then?
**[04:00] Alvin**
Well... it might not be
an easy victory, but...
**[04:04] Alvin**
In that case, cast an enhancement spell!
**[04:08] Carla**
On the monster?! Are you a masochist?
**[04:10] Alvin**
On *me*!
**[04:12] Carla**
But I'm not really sure that'll work...
**[04:15] Alvin**
What's this, now?
**[04:16] Alvin**
Are you saying you can't cast it?
**[04:20] Carla**
I'm saying, anything times
zero is still zero.
**[04:23] Alvin**
What is that supposed to mean?!
**[04:24] Carla**
But if that would prove to
you that I'm a healer...
**[04:28] Alvin**
Wait, you *can* cast it?
**[04:30] Carla**
Now, stand over there!
**[04:33] Alvin**
R-Right...
**[04:34] Carla**
Go on, hop to it!
**[04:35] Alvin**
F-Fine...
**[04:39] Alvin**
Do I really need to be this far away?
**[04:42] Carla**
I haven't done this in a while,
so in case it goes wrong...
**[04:45] Alvin**
Hang on a minute!
**[04:45] Alvin**
What's going to go wrong?!
**[04:46] Alvin**
What are you expecting to go wrong?!
**[04:46] Carla**
I think if I just pray... like this...
**[04:52] Alvin**
Hey, are you listening?!
**[04:54] Carla**
I go like this, and...
**[04:57] Carla**
I did it!
**[04:59] Alvin**
Hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it!
**[05:01] Carla**
Now I throw it at you...
**[05:03] Alvin**
You throw it?!
**[05:04] Alvin**
That obvious manifestation of
your black and twisted soul?!
**[05:07] Carla**
Alvin-san!
**[05:09] Carla**
There's no need to worry!
**[05:12] Alvin**
Are you sure?
**[05:14] Carla**
You'll be just fine!
**[05:17] Alvin**
I don't believe you!
**[05:31] Carla**
Well? Are you convinced?
**[05:33] Alvin**
I'm convinced that you're unhinged!
**[05:43] Carla**
Actually, there's something
I've been wondering, too.
**[05:47] Carla**
It's a question that keeps me up at night.
**[05:51] Alvin**
I guess you've got a lot more
sleepless nights in store.
**[05:57] Alvin**
Boy, I'm hungry.
**[05:59] Alvin**
I guess it's just about lunchtime.
**[06:01] Carla**
*Stare...*
**[06:06] Carla**
*Stare...*
**[06:11] Carla**
*Stare...*
**[06:15] Alvin**
Fine, I'll ask!
**[06:16] Alvin**
Just stop staring like that!
**[06:20] Alvin**
So? What were you wondering about?
**[06:23] Carla**
It's about you, Alvin-san!
**[06:25] Alvin**
Y-You mean... as a love interest?
**[06:28] Carla**
I'm suing.
**[06:29] Alvin**
Don't bring the law into this!
**[06:31] Alvin**
It was just a joke, anyway.
**[06:32] Carla**
What I'm wondering about is your strength.
**[06:36] Alvin**
My strength?
**[06:37] Carla**
You've claimed that your strength
is on the level of a slug...
**[06:41] Alvin**
First I've heard of it.
**[06:42] Carla**
But the people who claim
that they're the weakest
**[06:45] Carla**
are often actually very strong!
**[06:48] Alvin**
Well, I'm genuinely not that strong...
**[06:51] Carla**
Enough false modesty!
**[06:52] Carla**
In order to properly gauge
your slug-like strength,
**[06:56] Carla**
I'd like you to fight this fellow here!
***SIGN*** Yo!
**[07:01] Alvin**
Hey! You're the one from before!
**[07:04] Alvin**
You survived?
**[07:06] Carla**
You can't die from an enhancement spell.
**[07:09] Alvin**
Are you saying it was actually
an enhancement spell?
**[07:11] Alvin**
Then why in the world did we
hold that little funeral?
***SIGN*** Surprised, are you?
***SIGN*** Barely recognize me, do you?
***SIGN*** Having endured that ominous enhancement spell,
***SIGN*** and returned from the abyss of death,
***SIGN*** I am truly unrecognizable!
**[07:25] Alvin**
So he *did* almost die!
**[07:27] Carla**
The spell relies on the "what doesn't
kill you makes you stronger" principle.
**[07:31] Carla**
Probably.
**[07:32] Alvin**
Please don't cast spells
based on speculation!
***SIGN*** Well? Wanna fight?!
**[07:38] Alvin**
He seriously looks about the same as before.
**[07:40] Alvin**
What exactly about him did you enhance?
**[07:47] Carla**
His flavor.
**[07:50] Alvin**
I might just stand a chance here.
***SIGN*** H-Hang on a minute here!
***SIGN*** Are you sure you didn't enhance anything else?
***SIGN*** My toughness? My speed?!
**[08:00] Carla**
Your mouthfeel, maybe?
***SIGN*** You view me as an ingredient?
***SIGN*** Were you just planning to eat me from the start?
***SIGN*** Damn it!
**[08:07] Alvin**
That wasn't in my plan!
***SIGN*** I won't be made your dinner's main dish that easily!
**[08:13] Carla**
I'd love to boil you with rice!
**[08:14] Alvin**
What are you talking about?
***SIGN*** Take this!
**[08:23] Alvin**
A smokescreen?!
**[08:24] Alvin**
No, this is...
**[08:26] Alvin**
Poison!
**[08:29] Carla**
Alvin-san!
**[08:30] Alvin**
Fool! Stay back!
**[08:31] Alvin**
These are poisonous spores!
**[08:33] Carla**
Did you say poison?
**[08:35] Carla**
Indeed, it would be dangerous to approach...
**[08:39] Carla**
Perhaps I'll just turn in for the day...
**[08:41] Alvin**
Come here, damn it!
**[08:43] Carla**
One moment you're telling me
to stay back, and the next...
**[08:47] Carla**
What an unparalleled ego!
**[08:49] Carla**
You've shown your true colors.
**[08:51] Carla**
Sad!
**[08:54] Alvin**
Look, I'm sorry about that.
**[08:57] Alvin**
I didn't expect you to be so prepared
that you even brought a gas mask!
**[09:01] Carla**
Meanwhile, I'm shocked that you entered the
forest without a single anti-poison measure.
**[09:07] Carla**
Are you an amateur?
**[09:09] Alvin**
I never expected you to
best me in an argument.
**[09:14] Alvin**
Damn. I must have breathed some in...
**[09:17] Carla**
Are you all right?
**[09:19] Alvin**
Do you have an antidote spell?
**[09:21] Carla**
Yes, leave it to me.
**[09:25] Carla**
I'll put you out of your misery.
**[09:27] Alvin**
That means *removing the poison*, right?
**[09:30] Carla**
All jokes aside,
**[09:32] Carla**
I *can* use an antidote spell,
**[09:34] Carla**
but I'd prefer to preserve my magic power,
**[09:38] Carla**
so I'll use an item instead.
**[09:41] Alvin**
The antidote herbs we collected earlier?
**[09:43] Carla**
Yes.
**[09:45] Carla**
Though I could also use some
of those weeds over there.
**[09:48] Alvin**
Why are you making this a choice?
**[09:51] Carla**
I thought that adding choices
might unlock a route split.
**[09:54] Alvin**
A route split between dead or alive, maybe!
**[09:57] Alvin**
We don't need to go seeking out bad ends!
**[10:00] Alvin**
Hang on a minute.
Why didn't that monster attack after—
***SIGN*** Poisooon
**[10:04] Alvin**
Hey! What kind of monster
succumbs to his own poison?
**[10:10] Alvin**
And you didn't actually do anything!
**[10:15] Alvin**
It's a good thing he was
such a stupid monster.
**[10:17] Alvin**
Carla, cure my poison while he's down.
**[10:20] Carla**
Righty-o!
***SIGN*** The pain...
***SIGN*** Oh, the pain!
***SIGN*** It hurts so much!
***SIGN*** It just hurts so much!
**[10:31] Alvin**
It's talking.
**[10:34] Carla**
Monsters who live a long
time acquire great wisdom,
**[10:38] Carla**
and the ability to speak the human tongue!
**[10:39] Alvin**
We don't need that explanation again!
***SIGN*** Please... I don't wanna die yet...
***SIGN*** Help me...
***SIGN*** Help! I need somebody!
**[10:48] Alvin**
He does seem to want help, but...
**[10:51] Alvin**
If you could just give me the antidote—
**[10:54] Alvin**
Carla?
**[10:55] Alvin**
Hey!
**[10:57] Carla**
W-Well...
**[11:00] Carla**
Oh, that's right.
**[11:01] Carla**
We were talking about attendants!
**[11:03] Carla**
Very well. If that is your
true heart's desire,
**[11:07] Carla**
I will let you be my manservant!
***SIGN*** Manservant
**[11:08] Alvin**
*Antidote*. An antidote for my poison!
**[11:13] Alvin**
You're thinking about
helping him, aren't you?
**[11:16] Carla**
Ack!
***SIGN*** A
c
k
**[11:17] Carla**
O-Of course nack!
***SIGN*** A
c
k
**[11:20] Carla**
H-He's a monster, and
I'm not that foolack...
***SIGN*** A
c
k
**[11:24] Alvin**
I've never been so annoyingly right.
**[11:27] Alvin**
For pity's sake.
**[11:28] Alvin**
Is this more of your famed
spirit of benevolence?
**[11:31] Alvin**
But have you considered the
ramifications of your actions?
**[11:33] Alvin**
Even we save him,
he might just attack us again!
**[11:39] Alvin**
And what's the guarantee that
he won't attack someone else?
**[11:43] Alvin**
You heard him singing about
slaughtering humans before!
**[11:49] Alvin**
The idea that you can achieve
understanding with absolutely anybody
**[11:51] Alvin**
doesn't work in real life.
**[11:55] Carla**
Is that... what you think?
**[11:58] Alvin**
Well, it's what I keep saying...
**[12:00] Carla**
Regardless, I'm still a holy woman...
**[12:04] Carla**
I can't just sit back and watch
while a life fades before my eyes.
**[12:11] Alvin**
That thing's a monster.
**[12:13] Alvin**
If you can't tell the difference...
**[12:16] Carla**
Can't we just save him,
**[12:17] Carla**
earn his gratitude,
**[12:19] Carla**
and get him to give us
lots of money and items?
**[12:21] Alvin**
That's just extortion!
**[12:23] Carla**
Is that when you file a
callus off your foot?
**[12:26] Alvin**
That's exfoliation.
**[12:28] Carla**
The thing you feel when you walk
up three flights of stairs?
**[12:31] Alvin**
That's exertion.
**[12:32] Carla**
The process of a bird losing its feathers?
**[12:34] Alvin**
Exuviation!
**[12:35] Carla**
A die-off of species?
**[12:36] Alvin**
Extinction!
**[12:37] Alvin**
And shut up!
**[12:42] Carla**
Hey...
**[12:43] Alvin**
What?
**[12:44] Carla**
Doesn't it seem like you're over the poison?
**[12:47] Alvin**
Eh? Now that you mention it...
***SIGN*** Tch. You caught on?
**[12:50] Alvin**
What?!
**[12:52] Alvin**
H-Hang on... I thought
the poison took him out!
***SIGN*** You fool!
***SIGN*** That was all a performance to get your guard down!
***SIGN*** A commonly-employed mushroom strategy,
***SIGN*** to get you to approach so I could strike you unawares!
**[13:06] Alvin**
Then why didn't you stay down?
**[13:08] Carla**
Tch.
**[13:09] Carla**
Thank goodness!
You mean it was just a performance?
**[13:12] Alvin**
I heard a tongue-click!
**[13:14] Alvin**
I think you're just frustrated
he stole your spotlight!
***SIGN*** Is she really a holy woman?
**[13:20] Alvin**
That's what I'd like to know!
***SIGN*** H-Hey, chill out, man...
***SIGN*** I'll give you a great piece of info!
**[13:29] Alvin**
What is it?
***SIGN*** That thing I did before was just a smokescreen.
***SIGN*** There was no poison in it.
***SIGN*** I mean, you sorta threw me for a loop there!
***SIGN*** I send out one little smokescreen, and you start shouting "poisonous spores"!
***SIGN*** I guess it had you under the weather for a bit,
***SIGN*** but you seem to be feeling better now.
***SIGN*** Isn't that nice?
**[13:54] Carla**
Are you saying you just
assumed it was poison?
**[13:58] Carla**
Goodness me... that can't be true, can it?
**[14:02] Carla**
What's this? Why so quiet, eh?
**[14:06] Carla**
Go on, tell me! Don't be shy!
**[14:08] Carla**
You're not some beginner.
**[14:10] Carla**
You can't possibly have
gotten that wrong, can you?
**[14:18] Alvin**
You little...
**[14:21] Alvin**
Hey! Cut it out!
**[14:23] Alvin**
It's not nice to laugh
at a person's mistakes!
**[14:29] Alvin**
* Hey... I don't think I've ever*
* heard her laugh so hard before.*
**[14:32] Alvin**
*It's a damned trashy laugh, though...*
**[14:40] Alvin**
Good grief.
**[14:41] Alvin**
*Maybe I'll just let it go this time.*
**[14:45] Alvin**
Okay, that's enough!
**[14:54] Carla**
All that laughing got me hungry.
**[14:57] Alvin**
I'm pretty hungry too!
***SIGN*** I've got an idea!
***SIGN*** Let's all go off together to eat!
***SIGN*** Anyone got any meal ideas?
**[15:07] Carla**
Me!
**[15:09] Carla**
I'd love some mushroom soup.
**[15:10] Carla**
Or mushrooms boiled with rice.
***SIGN*** You really were planning to eat me, then?!
***SIGN*** Damn it!
**[15:19] Alvin**
Wait, we're doing this again?!
***SIGN*** I won't be made your dinner's main dish that easily!
**[15:25] Alvin**
After all that, we're back to square one?
**[15:28] Carla**
I'd like you deep-fried, too.
**[15:30] Carla**
Since I did enhance your mouthfeel...
**[15:32] Alvin**
Don't play along!
***SIGN*** Come, then! Try me!
**[15:42] Alvin**
Fine, whatever...
**[15:44] Alvin**
All right.
**[15:45] Alvin**
This was supposed to be a test
of my strength from the start.
**[15:50] Alvin**
Perhaps I'll give you a taste of my might!
**[16:04] Alvin**
Let's go!
**[16:30] Carla**
Maybe I should have improved
Alvin-san's mouthfeel instead.
**[16:34] Alvin**
Damn it...
***SIGN*** I win!!
**[16:44] Carla**
It's really coming down.
**[16:46] Carla**
I'm glad there was this cave nearby.
**[16:49] Carla**
Are you feeling any better, Alvin-san?
**[16:54] Carla**
Alvin-san!
**[16:56] Carla**
No!
**[16:58] Alvin**
The real me is right here!
**[17:00] Alvin**
Ow, ow...
***SIGN*** You okay? I'm really sorry.
***SIGN*** I really lost my head back there.
***SIGN*** You've gotta take it easy, man. Chill out a minute.
**[17:09] Alvin**
Being doted on by the person who beat me...
**[17:12] Alvin**
I'm so pathetic.
**[17:13] Carla**
You are not!
**[17:16] Carla**
At the very least,
I think you're quite amazing!
**[17:20] Alvin**
I don't need your pity act.
**[17:22] Alvin**
And don't throw my helmet!
**[17:24] Carla**
It's not a pity act!
I really think you're amazing!
**[17:26] Carla**
To be as weak as you are and
still become an adventurer...
**[17:30] Carla**
That requires true mental fortitude!
**[17:31] Alvin**
Actually pity me!
**[17:32] Carla**
Now, now.
**[17:33] Carla**
The whining will just make
it worse! Calm down!
**[17:36] Alvin**
Stop making me sound like a sore loser!
**[17:38] Carla**
I'll use a healing spell
to make you better,
**[17:40] Carla**
like I did with Mostly Bear-san.
**[17:43] Carla**
I can do that, because I'm a healer!
**[17:45] Alvin**
Are you still pretending you're a healer?
**[17:49] Carla**
Of course I am!
**[17:50] Carla**
And I'll shut that smart
mouth of yours right now!
**[17:53] Alvin**
You really don't talk like someone
about to make me better...
**[17:56] Carla**
What got the worst of it?
**[18:01] Carla**
The face, perhaps?
**[18:02] Alvin**
Probably your head!
**[18:05] Carla**
That does look pretty bad.
***SIGN*** I did use a fa jin that would pierce through your armor...
***SIGN*** Sorry, man.
**[18:13] Alvin**
I didn't know you practiced martial arts!
**[18:16] Alvin**
Can you actually cure this?
**[18:18] Carla**
What a worrywart.
**[18:20] Carla**
Have I ever betrayed your expectations?
**[18:23] Alvin**
Have you ever *met* them?
**[18:30] Carla**
The preparations are complete!
**[18:31] Alvin**
I wish you wouldn't dress like that!
**[18:38] Carla**
Let my prayer be heard!
**[18:42] Alvin**
I really don't think that's
going to cure anything...
**[18:45] Alvin**
Could you please stop?!
**[18:47] Carla**
This is how I healed you when
we stayed with Mostly Bear-san.
**[18:50] Alvin**
I'm talking about appearances.
**[18:52] Alvin**
Don't you have a less
aggressive healing spell?
**[18:58] Carla**
Well...
**[19:01] Carla**
Is this better?
**[19:03] Alvin**
Can you really not do this
without the cosplay?
***SIGN*** Well, nothing seems broken.
***SIGN*** A simple spell would probably do the trick.
***SIGN*** Or maybe some medicinal herbs!
**[19:15] Alvin**
That's true.
**[19:16] Alvin**
Maybe medicinal herbs would be better
than relying on some bizarre spell.
**[19:20] Carla**
But if you use medicinal herbs,
I can't prove my ability!
**[19:24] Carla**
I'll try a chant!
**[19:26] Alvin**
I guess at some point we decided
you'd be proving yourself, too.
**[19:30] Carla**
Now, watch me.
**[19:32] Carla**
With the miracles of God,
it's easy to heal simple wounds like that!
**[19:37] Alvin**
Somehow, I'm not reassured.
**[19:39] Carla**
Now...
**[19:40] Carla**
Great God above us,
**[19:43] Carla**
I beg of you, bring relief to the
wounded body of the warrior, Alvin!
**[19:47] Carla**
He may be pitiful, pathetic, hopeless,
and utterly beyond saving...
**[19:53] Alvin**
Wait!
**[19:54] Carla**
I beg of you, God!
**[19:55] Carla**
I can no longer stand to see him like this!
**[19:57] Carla**
Please, make him better!
**[20:00] Alvin**
Enough!
**[20:03] Carla**
Well? Are you better?
**[20:05] Alvin**
Of course not!
**[20:07] Alvin**
And don't click your tongue!
**[20:09] Carla**
I-I wasn't clicking my tongue at you!
**[20:12] Alvin**
Who else would you be
clicking your tongue at?!
**[20:15] Carla**
At God, for not making you better...
**[20:18] Alvin**
That's blasphemous!
**[20:20] Carla**
And at you, for not feeling better...
**[20:23] Alvin**
So it *was* at me!
**[20:25] Carla**
And at the stupid slug.
**[20:27] Alvin**
That's also me—Hey, cut it out!
***SIGN*** Hey, you guys!
***SIGN*** I think the rain's let up.
**[20:40] Carla**
It really has.
**[20:41] Alvin**
Ow...
**[20:43] Alvin**
And it was pouring just moments ago.
**[20:46] Alvin**
Now that the weather's gotten better,
we should probably head out.
**[20:51] Alvin**
The weather... got better?
**[20:55] Alvin**
It got better?!
**[20:58] Alvin**
It definitely wasn't you!
**[21:08] Alvin**
By the way...
**[21:11] Alvin**
why are you coming with us?
***SIGN*** I'm so worried, I can't stay away.
**[21:16] Carla**
I suppose you would be.
**[21:17] Carla**
You'd be too worried to leave
Alvin-san all on his own!
**[21:21] Alvin**
Don't pull yourself out of the firing range!
**[21:23] Alvin**
He's worried about you, too!
***SIGN*** And it'd be hard to get bored while I'm hanging out with you two.
**[21:29] Carla**
Mushroom-san.
**[21:30] Carla**
Thank you for carrying my bag.
***SIGN*** Hey, no problem!
**[21:34] Carla**
What's your name?
***SIGN*** Altargaia!
**[21:37] Carla**
It's a pleasure to meet you, Altargaia-san.
**[21:41] Carla**
Isn't that a splendid name?
**[21:43] Carla**
Much better than "Alvin."
**[21:44] Alvin**
You don't have to make it a competition!
***SIGN*** Next Time
**[23:25] Alvin**
Next episode's title is...
**[23:27] Alvin**
"The first dungeon Alvin tackles
with Carla is designed for beginners
**[23:30] Alvin**
which is very nice and so even
Alvin seems to be flying through it
**[23:36] Alvin**
but of course as a veteran rookie he isn't—"
***SIGN*** See you then!
**[23:36] sign**
"The first dungeon Alvin tackles with Carla is designed for beginners
which is very nice and so even Alvin seems to be flying through it
but of course as a veteran rookie he isn't without his struggles
and he once again reveals his aptitude(?) for falling into holes
and even causes their mushroom monster companion to worry and
come to think of it the mushroom guy who showed up last episode
has a name (it's Altargaia) and there aren't many chances to call him
that but we would like you to remember it and by the way if you're
having trouble reading these titles to the end we just wanted to
remind you that you can pause the video or maybe check the show's
homepage and that's the deal with episode 4."
**[23:38] Alvin**
Hey! I'm still talking—
# E4 - The first dungeon Alvin tackles with Carla is designed for...
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GPWUK1K70/the-first-dungeon-alvin-tackles-with-carla-is-designed-for)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:01] Alvin**
Behold, the vast world in which we live!
**[00:04] Alvin**
It is rampant with monsters
that threaten human life.
**[00:10] Alvin**
This threat is opposed by
countless adventurers! Heroes!
**[00:17] Alvin**
Every day, they face these
dangerous battles...
**[00:21] Alvin**
To protect the people! To protect the world!
**[00:27] Alvin**
And I, Alvin, am one of them!
**[00:32] Alvin**
Now in a party with Carla, the healer,
**[00:35] Alvin**
my journey continues!
***SIGN*** Don't Hurt Me,
***SIGN*** Don't Hurt Me,
***SIGN*** My Healer!
***SIGN*** The first dungeon Alvin tackles with Carla is designed for...
**[02:14] Carla**
Alvin-san. Where are we going today?
**[02:17] Alvin**
A dungeon.
**[02:18] Carla**
Be serious!
**[02:20] Alvin**
I *am* serious!
**[02:21] Alvin**
What, you think I can't handle it?
**[02:24] Carla**
I wasn't thinking that myself,
but it might be the general consensus.
**[02:27] Alvin**
Don't you worry!
**[02:28] Alvin**
I hear the place we're headed
for is designed for beginners!
**[02:32] Carla**
In other words, it was built just for you.
**[02:34] Alvin**
What, you think I'm the dungeon's owner?
**[02:36] Carla**
Aha, I see.
**[02:38] Carla**
You live there?
**[02:40] Alvin**
I told you, it's a dungeon!
**[02:42] Kinoko**
Hey!
**[02:46] Kinoko**
I found a building just ahead!
**[02:50] Alvin**
That must be the place!
**[02:52] Alvin**
At last, my first dungeon!
**[02:55] Carla**
It does set the heart racing.
**[02:57] Alvin**
Okay, let's go!
***SIGN*** Welcome SUPER Beginners Only
Dungeon
***SIGN*** Safety Guaranteed
**[03:11] Carla**
This is a unique house you live in.
**[03:14] Carla**
Did you have it designed?
**[03:16] Alvin**
It's *not* my house!
**[03:18] Alvin**
If it was, I would curse
the designer for eternity!
**[03:21] Carla**
What should we do?
**[03:23] Alvin**
It's not exactly what I
was expecting, but...
**[03:25] Alvin**
I guess we should go in—
**[03:27] Eyeball**
Halt!
**[03:30] Alvin**
A monster?!
**[03:33] Eyeball**
Lower your sword, warrior.
**[03:36] Eyeball**
I have no desire to fight!
**[03:38] Alvin**
Wh-What?!
**[03:40] Carla**
Maybe you don't, but we do!
**[03:43] Carla**
Let's do this!
**[03:44] Alvin**
What kind of bloodthirsty
holy woman are you?!
**[03:47] Eyeball**
Do you mean to enter this dungeon?
**[03:49] Alvin**
What if we do?
**[03:51] Alvin**
Are you going to try to stop us?
**[03:52] Eyeball**
As I said before, I have no desire to fight.
**[03:55] Carla**
See? He said he wants to fight!
**[03:55] Eyeball**
But this is a dungeon for extreme beginners.
**[03:58] Alvin**
No, you're the one who's
been trying to fight!
**[03:58] Eyeball**
I must determine if you are worthy to—
**[04:00] Eyeball**
Hey! Are you listening?!
**[04:03] Carla**
Listening to what?
**[04:04] Eyeball**
I knew it. You weren't listening...
**[04:07] Eyeball**
And I was trying so hard to
sound cool and impressive!
**[04:11] Kinoko**
You were saying that only beginners
can enter this dungeon, right?
**[04:16] Eyeball**
Thank goodness, one of them has sense...
**[04:19] Carla**
No need to worry there.
**[04:20] Carla**
Alvin-san has an annual
pass to beginnership.
**[04:23] Alvin**
Do not!
**[04:23] Eyeball**
Very well.
**[04:25] Eyeball**
I will investigate, and confirm your words.
**[04:27] Eyeball**
Let us begin!
**[04:38] Eyeball**
This is...
**[04:44] Eyeball**
Wha?! A h-h-hundred?!
**[04:47] Eyeball**
Beginner level 100?!
**[04:49] Eyeball**
That's nuts, man!
**[04:51] Alvin**
I had a feeling this would happen!
**[04:54] Carla**
Patheticness level 100?
**[04:56] Carla**
I can see it.
**[04:58] Alvin**
I don't think he said *that*!
**[05:00] Kinoko**
W-Well, they say it's not good to
stray too far from your roots...
***SIGN*** Pfft
**[05:07] Alvin**
You're just making it worse.
**[05:09] Eyeball**
Enter away!
**[05:13] Alvin**
There's a song playing!
**[05:15] Carla**
At last, our first dungeon!
**[05:17] Carla**
Time to beat it!
**[05:19] Alvin**
Yeah.
**[05:20] Eyeball**
Take care!
**[05:22] Carla**
We will, thanks!
**[05:24] Alvin**
I'm exhausted.
**[05:27] Alvin**
We're just a few steps in,
and I'm already exhausted.
**[05:29] Alvin**
*Regardless, this is still a dungeon!*
**[05:32] Alvin**
*I need to remain on my guard!*
**[05:35] Alvin**
You never know what kind
of traps might await!
**[05:38] Alvin**
Listen up, party!
**[05:40] Alvin**
This may be for beginners,
but it's still a dungeon!
**[05:43] Alvin**
You have to keep a close eye
on everything around—
**[05:46] Carla**
Behold!
**[05:47] Carla**
Alvin-san's patented
patheticness-level-100 specialty!
**[06:01] Carla**
Alvin-san? Are you all right?
**[06:07] Carla**
There's a cushion at the bottom,
**[06:09] Carla**
and a ladder on the wall.
**[06:11] Carla**
Just what you'd expect from
a beginners' dungeon trap.
**[06:16] Kinoko**
You should really climb up already.
**[06:19] Kinoko**
I don't think you're actually hurt.
**[06:36] Kinoko**
He seems pretty down.
**[06:37] Carla**
Good grief. We'll have to reassure him.
**[06:42] Carla**
Alvin-san.
**[06:45] Carla**
That was a magnificent hole-in-one!
**[06:48] Carla**
Practically professional!
**[06:49] Carla**
A perfect example of what not to do!
**[06:50] Alvin**
That's not the way you reassure someone!
**[06:53] Alvin**
And it's not like I sprung
the trap on purpose!
**[06:55] Carla**
Yes, yes. I know.
**[06:57] Carla**
In fact, I prepared a magic item to
deal with traps just like these.
**[07:01] Carla**
Here. Take it.
**[07:02] Alvin**
What, really?
**[07:04] Alvin**
What the heck...
**[07:05] Alvin**
If you had one of those,
why didn't you say—
**[07:07] Alvin**
Wait.
**[07:10] Alvin**
What's this thing?
**[07:11] Alvin**
An ordinary cloth?
**[07:13] Carla**
Good grief. You amateurs
don't know anything.
**[07:16] Carla**
Listen to me.
**[07:17] Carla**
The next time you trigger a trap...
**[07:20] Alvin**
The next time I trigger a trap...?
**[07:22] Carla**
It'll probably be very embarrassing,
**[07:24] Carla**
so you can use that to wipe away your tears!
**[07:26] Alvin**
So it's just a handkerchief!
**[07:28] Alvin**
And I'm not crying!
**[07:30] Carla**
What a rude thing to say!
**[07:31] Carla**
It's actually a very useful cleaning aid!
**[07:33] Alvin**
So it's just a rag!
**[07:35] Alvin**
I just have to not spring
any more traps, right?
**[07:37] Alvin**
Come on!
**[07:39] Alvin**
Stay alert, keep a close
eye on your surroundings.
**[07:42] Alvin**
Detect dangers early, and avoid them.
**[07:45] Alvin**
Stay alert, keep a close eye
on your surroundings...
**[07:48] Alvin**
Does it seem like it's
getting darker to you?
**[07:51] Carla**
It is getting dark.
**[07:52] Carla**
Be sure to watch your step.
**[07:54] Alvin**
I will.
**[07:55] Carla**
Alvin-san.
**[07:57] Carla**
Do you think that lever
might turn on the lights?
**[08:02] Alvin**
That lever?
**[08:04] Alvin**
Hey, you might be right!
**[08:06] Alvin**
It's hard to see traps when
it's this dark, after all!
**[08:09] Alvin**
Just what I'd expect from
a beginners' dungeon!
**[08:26] Alvin**
I'm not crying!
**[08:27] Carla**
Come on! Be vulnerable!
**[08:29] Alvin**
Get that rag away for me, you little...
**[08:33] Kinoko**
C'mon. Stop playing around,
and let's get going!
**[08:37] Both**
We're not playing around!
**[08:39] Alvin**
Stay alert, keep a close
eye on your surroundings.
**[08:43] Kinoko**
By the way, Alvin...
**[08:43] Alvin**
Detect dangers early, and avoid them.
**[08:45] Kinoko**
That was a pretty sad trap
you triggered back there...
**[08:48] Kinoko**
You think you're not cut out
for this adventurer thing?
***SIGN*** Not cut out
**[08:53] Carla**
You've got it all wrong.
**[08:55] Kinoko**
I do?
**[08:56] Carla**
Alvin-san is triggering
the traps intentionally
**[09:00] Carla**
so that we don't accidentally
spring them ourselves!
**[09:03] Kinoko**
What? Really?!
**[09:05] Carla**
Of course.
**[09:07] Carla**
He'd never fall for such
a silly trap, normally.
**[09:11] Carla**
Right, Alvin-san?
**[09:14] Alvin**
Was it that obvious?
**[09:16] Carla**
I knew it!
**[09:18] Alvin**
Well... the duty of a warrior is
to shield his comrades from harm.
**[09:22] Carla**
You're a true paragon, Alvin-san!
**[09:24] Alvin**
H-Hey, cut it out...
**[09:28] Carla**
But you could have just warned us.
**[09:31] Carla**
Why put yourself through that on purpose?
**[09:34] Alvin**
Don't build me up just to tear me back down!
**[09:36] Carla**
Is triggering traps your thing
these days or something?
**[09:40] Alvin**
Don't make it sound like a hobby!
**[09:43] Kinoko**
Hey, Alvin, look down!
**[09:45] Alvin**
What?
**[09:50] Alvin**
Damn! We're locked in!
**[09:55] Kinoko**
The walls!
**[09:56] Alvin**
Not good!
**[09:58] Alvin**
They're going to crush us!
**[10:03] Alvin**
What do we do?!
**[10:12] Kinoko**
Looks like we can just hold them back.
**[10:17] Carla**
Alvin-san. Alvin-san!
**[10:21] Alvin**
How'd you get out there?
Did you use a spell?
**[10:25] Carla**
No, there's a door in the bars.
**[10:28] Carla**
See?
**[10:30] Carla**
When you panic, it's easy to
miss the forest for the trees.
**[10:39] Alvin**
Stay alert, keep a close eye
on your surroundings...
**[10:42] Carla**
Isn't this nice, Alvin-san?
**[10:46] Carla**
I'll bet the traps are so happy
that you're springing them all!
**[10:52] Alvin**
Don't anthropomorphize the traps!
**[10:54] Carla**
Traps exist to be sprung!
**[10:57] Carla**
From their point of view,
you're the ideal adventurer!
**[11:01] Alvin**
I don't want to be the traps' ideal!
**[11:04] Kinoko**
Hey, look over there!
**[11:07] Alvin**
Is that...
**[11:17] Carla**
It's a door, right?
**[11:19] Alvin**
I don't see any other way to go...
**[11:21] Alvin**
Was this whole thing one straight line?
***SIGN*** Please Ring
↑ Bell
**[11:27] Carla**
There's something like a button here.
**[11:31] Alvin**
I'll bet it's another trap.
**[11:33] Alvin**
It's pretty clearly dicey...
**[11:36] Carla**
The law of odds does suggest it's trap.
**[11:38] Alvin**
Right?
**[11:39] Alvin**
What do we do?
**[11:45] Carla**
Go right ahead, professional Alvin!
**[11:47] Alvin**
I'm not a professional!
**[11:48] Carla**
Do your usual thing!
**[11:50] Alvin**
This is *not* my usual thing!
**[11:54] Alvin**
But if you insist, I'll press it!
***SIGN*** S
o
e
x
c
i
t
e
d
***SIGN*** S
o
e
x
c
i
t
e
d
***SIGN*** S
o
e
x
c
i
t
e
d
***SIGN*** S
o
e
x
c
i
t
e
d
***SIGN*** S
o
e
x
c
i
t
e
d
**[12:03] Sign**
Please Ring
↑ Bell
**[12:03] Alvin**
Stay alert, keep a close
eye on your surroundings.
**[12:07] Alvin**
Detect dangers early, and avoid them.
**[12:10] Alvin**
All right. I'll press it!
**[12:12] Carla**
Right...
**[12:12] Kinoko**
It's a total trap, man.
**[12:15] Kinoko**
It's not safe!
**[12:16] Carla**
But there's no other way to proceed.
**[12:18] Kinoko**
I know, but...
**[12:20] Alvin**
I'm pushing it. I'm pushing it.
**[12:23] Alvin**
I'm pushing it! I really am!
**[12:26] Alvin**
Don't panic if something goes wrong!
**[12:28] Alvin**
But where's the trap going to come from?
**[12:30] Alvin**
From above? From below?
**[12:31] Alvin**
From the right? From the left?
**[12:33] Alvin**
Even from behind?!
**[12:34] Alvin**
Come on, you guys!
**[12:36] Alvin**
But... we don't know that pressing this
button will necessarily open the door.
**[12:40] Alvin**
I'm just so worried that it's a trap.
**[12:42] Alvin**
Perhaps I should proceed cautiously...
**[12:45] Alvin**
I know! Pressing the button with my
sword should make it a bit safer!
**[12:49] Alvin**
This should keep me out
of range of the trap!
**[12:51] Alvin**
Okay! Here I go!
**[12:53] Alvin**
Hey!
**[13:02] Carla**
It's open.
**[13:03] Alvin**
You just broke it down!
**[13:05] Alvin**
And don't give me that ugly little wink!
**[13:07] Carla**
Well, it turned out same way.
**[13:09] Alvin**
If you ignore the property damage, sure!
**[13:11] Cow**
Hey! What was that sound?
**[13:15] Cow**
It sounded like someone breaking
through a door with a tieshankao!
**[13:20] Cow**
What's going on here?
***SIGN*** Domestic
**[13:22] Cow**
The door really is broken!
**[13:25] Alvin**
Something's here!
**[13:26] Carla**
I-Intruder!
**[13:28] Alvin**
I think *we're* the intruders here...
**[13:31] Cow**
Are you guys... adventurers?
**[13:33] Alvin**
Well... yeah.
**[13:35] Cow**
I knew it!
**[13:36] Cow**
Well, don't just stand around all day!
**[13:39] Cow**
Come on in!
**[13:41] Alvin**
Hey... he's acting like the welcome wagon.
**[13:44] Alvin**
Could this be a trap, too?
**[13:45] Carla**
Let's just play along for now.
**[13:47] Carla**
Even if it's a trap, it's designed for
beginners, so anyone who fell for it would...
**[13:52] Carla**
Whoops.
**[13:53] Alvin**
Hey.
**[13:54] Cow**
Come on in! Don't be shy!
**[13:57] Alvin**
Out with it already!
**[13:59] Carla**
I'd rather not.
**[14:00] Cow**
Come on! Right this way!
**[14:09] Cow**
Go on! Have yourselves a seat!
**[14:12] Alvin**
R-Right...
**[14:19] Cow**
It's not much, but...
**[14:20] Alvin**
O-Of course. Thank you.
**[14:23] Alvin**
*Could it be... poison?!*
**[14:26] Alvin**
*She already drank it!*
**[14:28] Carla**
It's cold! And super gross!
**[14:30] Alvin**
Don't just say that!
**[14:32] Cow**
I-I'm sorry!
**[14:34] Cow**
I'll brew up a new batch right away!
***SIGN*** Cow
***SIGN*** Hospitality
**[14:36] Sign**
Fashion
**[14:36] Sign**
Weight
**[14:37] Alvin**
He's way too hospitable!
**[14:40] Alvin**
Anyway, who exactly are you?
**[14:43] Cow**
Snort!
**[14:45] Cow**
I am this dungeon's master!
**[14:48] Cow**
You've strayed too far into
my lair, foolish adventurer!
**[14:53] Alvin**
I think it's a bit late for that.
**[14:56] Alvin**
And you should probably
find a better outfit.
***SIGN*** Domestic
**[14:59] Cow**
Well, even if you are a beginner,
**[15:01] Cow**
nobody would ever spring those
ridiculously basic traps...
**[15:08] Cow**
Hang on a minute.
**[15:09] Cow**
Did you spring the traps?
**[15:12] Alvin**
Ack.
**[15:15] Cow**
That's hilarious!
**[15:17] Cow**
I can't believe an adventurer fell
for those lame, little traps!
**[15:21] Cow**
Even for a beginner, that's just...
**[15:25] Carla**
What's so funny about that?
**[15:27] Carla**
We lost people to those traps!
**[15:30] Alvin**
Could you please not make
it sound like I died?
**[15:32] Cow**
I-It can't be...
**[15:35] Cow**
My perfect safety record... shattered!
**[15:40] Alvin**
Hey! I'm alive!
**[15:42] Cow**
What have I done?!
**[15:46] Carla**
At least you recognize the
wrongness of your actions.
**[15:50] Cow**
I didn't mean to kill anybody!
**[15:52] Cow**
Moo!
**[15:54] Alvin**
You're a monster! At least,
have the guts to kill someone!
**[15:58] Carla**
Everyone makes mistakes.
**[16:01] Carla**
What's important is finding a way to atone.
**[16:04] Carla**
You can find that way now.
**[16:06] Alvin**
Are you shaking him down, holy woman?
**[16:08] Cow**
I understand.
**[16:10] Cow**
Wait just a moment.
**[16:12] Cow**
Although I'm afraid... this is all I have.
**[16:17] Cow**
Business has been so bad...
**[16:18] Carla**
Well, better than nothing.
**[16:23] Carla**
A coin pendant?
**[16:25] Alvin**
A magic item?!
**[16:27] Cow**
No, it's a souvenir we give out to visitors.
**[16:32] Carla**
It looks just like an
ordinary pendant to me.
**[16:35] Carla**
But what if...
**[16:36] Alvin**
What is it?
**[16:37] Carla**
It's garbage! Completely undesirable!
**[16:39] Alvin**
At least *try* to be nice!
**[16:47] Kinoko**
Well, does everyone have their drink?
***SIGN*** M
V
P
**[16:52] Kinoko**
Then, a toast to the Carla Party's
conquest of the dungeon!
**[16:58] Kinoko**
Cheers!
**[17:01] Kinoko**
Great work today, everyone!
**[17:05] Alvin**
Hang on a minute!
**[17:07] Alvin**
This can't be right!
**[17:08] Alvin**
Why are we having a friendly
drink with monsters?
**[17:11] Alvin**
And why didn't I get a drink of my own?!
**[17:14] Alvin**
And this seems like a good time to ask...
**[17:17] Alvin**
Exactly how long are you
going to tag along with us?
**[17:20] Alvin**
And if you're the dungeon's master,
shouldn't you, at least, try to be scary?
**[17:24] Cow**
I'll serve the salad.
**[17:25] Alvin**
This is no time to be serving salad!
**[17:27] Carla**
Let's let our hair down.
**[17:30] Carla**
Alvin-san, would you
please rub my shoulders?
**[17:32] Alvin**
You're a tyrant!
**[17:33] Carla**
Alvin-san.
**[17:35] Alvin**
What now?!
**[17:36] Carla**
You've gotten too excited.
**[17:37] Carla**
It's not knights.
**[17:39] Alvin**
I'm *angry*!
**[17:40] Alvin**
And you're the one who's too excited!
**[17:42] Alvin**
What's with that outfit?
Is it your birthday?
**[17:46] Carla**
I think you're the one with the
strange outfit, Alvin-san.
**[17:49] Carla**
Did you think this was a
warrior costume party?
**[17:51] Alvin**
It's my usual outfit!
**[17:54] Carla**
But I understand why you're so excited.
**[17:58] Carla**
This is my first dungeon
clear as an adventurer, too.
**[18:02] Alvin**
It's your first, too?
**[18:04] Carla**
Yes.
**[18:07] Carla**
It's not cold!
**[18:09] Alvin**
*I see now.*
**[18:11] Alvin**
*Given her personality and all,*
**[18:12] Alvin**
* she probably gets kicked out*
* of any party she joins.*
**[18:15] Alvin**
* Maybe that's why she's indulging*
* in that silly outfit.*
**[18:18] Alvin**
* I've been turned down from various parties*
* for not being good enough, myself.*
**[18:23] (Flashback) Alvin**
Excuse me! Do you think I could join—
**[18:25] (Flashback) Adventurer 1**
Sorry. I need a little higher level...
**[18:28] (Flashback) Adventurer 2**
Look at that! A veteran rookie!
**[18:32] Kinoko**
Sounds like...
**[18:33] Kinoko**
You two beating your first dungeon
is an event worth celebrating.
**[18:38] Kinoko**
A red-letter day!
**[18:39] Alvin**
Well, I'm not sure I'd say
we *beat* it, exactly...
**[18:43] Carla**
A red-letter day...
**[18:45] Carla**
A red-letter day for our party.
**[18:50] Alvin**
What is this? Are you happy?
**[18:53] Carla**
No, I feel perfectly normal!
**[18:56] Alvin**
Did I nail it? Are you blushing?!
**[19:02] Carla**
You got a problem? I'll send you to hell!
**[19:04] Alvin**
*She's dangerous, even when she's blushing.*
**[19:07] Alvin**
Well, since we both did something
worth celebrating...
**[19:10] Alvin**
Here.
**[19:12] Carla**
What is it?
**[19:13] Alvin**
You don't know what it means?
**[19:14] Alvin**
It's a high five.
**[19:16] Alvin**
When a party accomplishes
something together,
**[19:18] Alvin**
it's just what they do.
**[19:20] Carla**
When a party accomplishes something...
**[19:23] Carla**
Yeah, big doubts!
**[19:26] Carla**
Your assertion that you
know things parties do
**[19:29] Carla**
contradicts your earlier statement
that you've never been in a party.
**[19:32] Carla**
It's fishy!
**[19:32] Alvin**
It's not fishy!
**[19:34] Carla**
I think your true objective is...
**[19:36] Carla**
to use a high five as an excuse to touch me!
**[19:40] Alvin**
Yeah, yeah.
**[19:42] Alvin**
I'm okay with not doing
it if you don't want to.
**[19:47] Carla**
Well, we are a party, after all.
**[19:51] Carla**
I suppose I can allow you one little touch.
**[19:54] Alvin**
*This girl is a serious pain in my ass.*
**[19:57] Alvin**
Okay, fine.
**[19:59] Alvin**
Here.
**[20:00] Carla**
I-If you insist...
**[20:03] Carla**
Then, to our first dungeon clear...
**[20:06] Alvin**
*Good grief. Sheesh.*
**[20:08] Alvin**
*She's over the moon!*
**[20:11] Carla**
Well done!
**[20:18] Cow**
Thank you for clearing our dungeon!
**[20:22] Eyeball**
Thanks for coming!
**[20:24] Kinoko**
The food was so good!
**[20:26] Kinoko**
We loved it!
**[20:27] Kinoko**
It's been a blast!
**[20:29] Both**
Have a good day!
**[20:33] Eyeball**
What an entertaining party.
**[20:35] Cow**
I'd better get on fixing that door.
**[20:38] Alvin**
How long are you gonna wear that getup?
**[20:42] Carla**
Cow-san gave it to me for the occasion.
**[20:44] Carla**
It would be rude to remove
it while he's watching.
**[20:47] Alvin**
You care about rudeness?
**[20:49] Carla**
Yes.
**[20:51] Kinoko**
By the way, Alvin...
**[20:53] Alvin**
What is it?
**[20:54] Kinoko**
He told me that button in
the dungeon wasn't a trap.
**[20:57] Kinoko**
It was just a doorbell.
**[20:59] Alvin**
Was it?
**[21:01] Alvin**
Makes sense, for a beginner's dungeon...
**[21:04] Alvin**
Well, it's getting late.
**[21:06] Alvin**
I'd like to reach an inn
before it gets dark.
**[21:09] Alvin**
Right, Carla?
**[21:10] Carla**
Wh-Wh-What are you talking about?
**[21:13] Alvin**
I was saying, we could get to an inn...
**[21:14] Carla**
Yes, of course, an inn!
**[21:15] Carla**
Yes, let us proceed!
**[21:17] Alvin**
Excuse me. Carla-san?
**[21:19] Alvin**
You're acting weird.
**[21:20] Carla**
W-Weird?
**[21:21] Carla**
I don't like being called
strange by funny-types.
**[21:24] Alvin**
Do you mean funny as in amusing?
**[21:26] Alvin**
Or deviant?
**[21:28] Carla**
Deviant.
**[21:29] Alvin**
What?!
**[21:32] Carla**
Eh? Kinoko-san is gone.
**[21:35] Alvin**
Really?
**[21:36] Alvin**
Well, he'll catch up soon enough.
**[21:37] Carla**
I'm sure he will.
**[21:40] Carla**
And that spares us paying for his room.
**[21:42] Alvin**
You're one stone-hearted holy woman.
**[21:44] Carla**
I'm just worried about
your wallet, Alvin-san.
**[21:47] Alvin**
Why do you assume I'm poor?!
***SIGN*** Where am I?
***SIGN*** Next Time
**[23:25] Carla**
Next episode's title is...
**[23:27] Carla**
"The owner of the inn they
visit seems very nice,
**[23:29] Carla**
but Carla accidentally forces him
to reveal a surprising true form
**[23:33] Carla**
and then an old lady
they happen to meet
**[23:35] Carla**
on the road also reveals
an unexpected side
**[23:36] Carla**
and this confirms once again that..."
***SIGN*** See you then!
***SIGN*** "The owner of the inn they visit seems very nice,
but Carla accidentally forces him to reveal a surprising true
form and then an old lady they happen to meet on the road
also reveals an unexpected side and this confirms
once again that there are monsters in this world that
disguise themselves as humans but by the way the
name of the inn is "Stay! Burin" and some of you might not
know where that name comes from but it's from a pretty
famous show so if you know it you're definitely wallowing
in nostalgia right now and that's the deal with episode 5."
**[23:38] Carla**
Is it possible for anyone to say all this?
# E5 - The owner of the inn they visit seems very nice, but...
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G2XU080K3/the-owner-of-the-inn-they-visit-seems-very-nice-but)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:02] Alvin**
Monsters threaten human life.
**[00:05] Alvin**
They are opposed by brave adventurers!
**[00:10] Alvin**
And I, Alvin, am one of them!
**[00:15] Alvin**
Now in a party with Carla, the healer,
**[00:18] Alvin**
my journey continues!
***SIGN*** Don't Hurt Me,
***SIGN*** Don't Hurt Me,
***SIGN*** My Healer!
***SIGN*** The owner of the inn they visit seems very nice, but...
***SIGN*** Inn Stay! Burin
**[01:56] Alvin**
Excuse me.
**[01:57] Alvin**
We'd like a room for the night.
**[01:59] Orc**
Oink.
**[02:00] Orc**
Welcome to Stay! Burin.
**[02:02] Alvin**
That's a wonderful name for an inn.
**[02:04] Orc**
Oink. Thank you very much.
**[02:07] Orc**
How many in your party?
**[02:08] Alvin**
Just me and one wannabe goblin.
**[02:13] Carla**
I don't want to stay in a pigsty—
**[02:15] Alvin**
It's an inn.
**[02:16] Carla**
But it really looks like—
**[02:17] Alvin**
It's all people here.
**[02:19] Carla**
But he keeps saying "oink."
**[02:20] Alvin**
Drop it.
**[02:21] Orc**
What was that she said?
**[02:23] Alvin**
Oh, ignore her.
**[02:25] Alvin**
It's just goblin nonsense.
**[02:27] Orc**
Oh, would you like me to prepare
your dinner for the night?
**[02:32] Orc**
I do a bit of cooking on the side!
**[02:36] Carla**
Or maybe it's a butcher's shop?
**[02:37] Alvin**
It's an *inn*.
**[02:39] Alvin**
What's on the menu for tonight?
**[02:41] Orc**
Tonkatsu!
**[02:44] Alvin**
That's... deep-fried pork?
**[02:46] Orc**
Oink.
**[02:48] Carla**
Is tonkatsu tastier when you murder
your own kind to make it?!
**[02:52] Carla**
It's ton-conscionable!
**[02:53] Alvin**
Will you just...
**[02:55] Alvin**
You can't say that to his face!
**[02:56] Alvin**
Your rudeness is off the charts today!
**[02:59] Carla**
But you were thinking the same thing I was!
**[03:02] Carla**
It's pathetic to act like you
have the moral high ground!
**[03:05] Carla**
And I have never spoken
anything but the truth!
**[03:08] Alvin**
I already know that's a bald-faced lie—
**[03:10] Alvin**
And what's with those moves?!
**[03:13] Carla**
I got motion-sick.
**[03:13] Alvin**
I wish you'd spit up your evil soul.
**[03:16] Carla**
You really didn't notice?
**[03:18] Carla**
I wonder if that ugly...
**[03:20] Carla**
I mean, unique helmet of yours has
a curse to reduce your perception.
**[03:25] Alvin**
What are you talking about?
**[03:26] Carla**
I'm saying, that pig is not human!
**[03:30] Alvin**
Everyone knows that pigs aren't human.
**[03:32] Carla**
But that's what I'm—
**[03:34] Carla**
Oh, eternal darkness!
**[03:36] Orc**
Hey.
**[03:39] Orc**
Are you calling me a pig?
**[03:41] Alvin**
See? He's mad!
**[03:43] Alvin**
You've got him enraged!
**[03:44] Carla**
Did you say he's a Landrace?
**[03:46] Alvin**
Are you just hungry or something?
**[03:48] Orc**
You mock me...
**[03:50] Alvin**
Wh-What's he doing?
**[03:52] Carla**
He's shown his true self.
**[03:54] Orc**
Very well...
**[03:56] Orc**
You'll see what kind of pig I am...
**[03:58] Orc**
at the cost of your lives!
**[04:01] Alvin**
A monster!
**[04:02] Carla**
Please, be careful!
**[04:03] Carla**
Dark elves find his breed of
monster particularly detestable!
**[04:06] Alvin**
Seems irrelevant, since you're a goblin!
**[04:08] Orc**
Oink!
**[04:11] Orc**
How dare you say that?!
**[04:14] Alvin**
He was disguised as a human?
**[04:17] Alvin**
Maybe he's a tanuki?
**[04:19] Orc**
Bah! A pox on you all!
**[04:21] Orc**
You'll pay for calling me a pig!
**[04:23] Orc**
I am a proud member of the orc race! Oink!
**[04:27] Alvin**
His true face is incredible!
**[04:28] Carla**
Hang on a minute!
**[04:30] Carla**
I just realized something outrageous!
**[04:32] Carla**
I must be an angel, to have
noticed something like this!
**[04:35] Alvin**
Did you? That's great.
**[04:36] Alvin**
But I suspect your realization
will further complicate things,
**[04:38] Alvin**
so could you keep it to yourself?
**[04:40] Carla**
I assumed the innkeeper was a pig, but...
**[04:42] Alvin**
Yeah, just can't keep anything to herself.
**[04:45] Carla**
But he said, "Baa" just now!
**[04:47] Carla**
That suggests he's not a pig, but a sheep!
**[04:49] Carla**
He had me fooled...
I was so sure he was a pig!
**[04:53] Orc**
Actually, I'm an orc!
**[04:54] Orc**
Oink! Oink!
**[04:56] Alvin**
You heard the man.
**[04:57] Carla**
But he said "Baa" earlier!
**[04:59] Orc**
I said "Bah," not "Baa"!
**[05:02] Carla**
What? So you *are* a pig?
**[05:04] Orc**
I'm not a pig! I'm an orc!
**[05:07] Carla**
A pork? That's still a pig.
**[05:09] Orc**
Bah! I'm an orc! An orc!
**[05:11] Carla**
He said, "Baa" again! He's a total sheep!
**[05:14] Orc**
It's not that kind of "Bah"!
**[05:16] Orc**
Oh, give me a break! Ugh!
**[05:18] Carla**
"Ook"? You're a monkey now?
**[05:20] Carla**
That's a bit of a stretch!
**[05:21] Carla**
I'm not sure how you expect
us to believe that!
**[05:23] Orc**
Shut up!
**[05:24] Orc**
You can't taunt an orc
and get off scot-free!
**[05:27] Carla**
How much for a room, then?
**[05:29] Orc**
Oh, a room for two?
**[05:30] Orc**
No, screw that!
**[05:31] Orc**
You're gonna have to fight me! One-on-one!
**[05:33] Alvin**
Hang on a minute!
**[05:34] Alvin**
I know she picked this fight all on her own,
**[05:36] Alvin**
but a duel seems a bit much...
**[05:38] Carla**
Very well.
**[05:39] Orc**
All right, you're on!
**[05:41] Orc**
If you win, you can call me a pig,
a sheep, or anything you want!
**[05:45] Carla**
Very well.
**[05:47] Carla**
And if I lose, I will also
treat you like a pig.
**[05:51] Carla**
That seems only fair.
**[05:52] Alvin**
You're ruthless.
**[05:53] Orc**
That's ridiculous!
**[05:55] Orc**
It means you're treating me like
a pig whether I win or lose!
**[05:58] Carla**
Then, let us begin!
**[05:59] Orc**
Hang on a minute! We
aren't finished talking!
**[06:01] Carla**
First comes...
**[06:02] Orc**
And we're doing rock-paper-scissors?!
**[06:04] Carla**
Pork!
**[06:08] Alvin**
That's a joke on "Rock" and "Pork," I think.
**[06:11] Orc**
I mean, I got that...
**[06:13] Orc**
I've just taken so much abuse today,
it's hard to have the appropriate reaction.
**[06:17] Alvin**
Hey, no need to spare her feelings.
**[06:19] Alvin**
Just say she bombed—
**[06:21] Alvin**
What is it?
**[06:22] Carla**
I s-suddenly feel feverish!
**[06:25] Carla**
It's e-explosive damage.
**[06:27] Alvin**
"Bombed" means your joke didn't land.
**[06:29] Carla**
Should I ask you to kill me?
**[06:31] Orc**
The fool completely imploded!
**[06:34] Orc**
But she seems like the type that
never learns until she suffers,
**[06:36] Orc**
so I guess it serves her right!
**[06:38] Alvin**
I'm with you there.
**[06:39] Alvin**
But... technically, it *is*
my job to protect her!
**[06:43] Alvin**
I won't allow you to harm her!
**[06:45] Alvin**
Always wanted to say something like that!
**[06:48] Orc**
Then I'll have to flatten you, as well!
**[06:51] Orc**
Jump!
**[06:52] Alvin**
Jump—
**[06:53] Orc**
Hecaton Press!
**[06:55] Both**
Such a short jump...
**[06:56] Orc**
Oink!
**[06:58] Alvin**
What's wrong?
**[07:00] Orc**
I think I broke my leg on the landing.
**[07:03] Alvin**
Lose some weight?
**[07:05] Alvin**
Can you cast a healing spell on him?
**[07:06] Alvin**
I seriously can't watch this...
**[07:08] Carla**
I don't know any spells that
work on flightless pigs.
**[07:12] Carla**
I could put him out of his misery, though.
**[07:14] Alvin**
You sure about that?
You could get on his good side.
**[07:17] Carla**
Don't move!
**[07:18] Carla**
I'll cast a healing spell on you now!
**[07:21] Alvin**
Though I doubt there's anything you
can do to get on his good side now...
**[07:24] Orc**
Oink...
**[07:25] Orc**
Y-You would save me?
**[07:27] Orc**
But why?
**[07:28] Carla**
Does one need a reason to
save another from suffering?
**[07:33] Alvin**
Just don't go charging him afterwards, okay?
**[07:38] Alvin**
At least try to deny it?
**[07:40] Orc**
Oink. O, Holy Woman!
**[07:42] Alvin**
I think he's got brain damage.
**[07:44] Carla**
Oh, you flatterer. I hear that all the time!
**[07:46] Alvin**
And she's even worse!
**[07:48] Carla**
But first, Mr. Innkeeper...
**[07:50] Carla**
I do have a question for you.
**[07:52] Carla**
It's about the travelers and adventurers
who have stayed at your inn before us.
**[07:56] Alvin**
Oh, that's right.
**[07:58] Alvin**
The only reason an orc would go out of his way
to disguise himself as human and run an inn...
**[08:03] Alvin**
Can it be...?!
**[08:04] Orc**
Oink.
**[08:05] Orc**
I guess the pig is up.
**[08:07] Carla**
You work for a slaughterhouse?
**[08:09] Orc**
I'm in the presence of a holy woman,
so it's high time to confess my sin.
**[08:13] Orc**
As you intuited,
**[08:14] Orc**
travelers, adventurers, and merchants would
come by my inn, and I'd orchestrate their stays.
**[08:19] Carla**
*More like... *orc*hestrate.*
**[08:20] Orc**
Tired from their long travels,
**[08:23] Orc**
they'd go to their rooms, rest,
and let down their guard...
**[08:28] Alvin**
Can it be...
**[08:29] Orc**
That's right.
**[08:30] Orc**
I'd take advantage of their vulnerable
state and add *it* to their food!
**[08:34] Alvin**
Poison?!
**[08:34] Orc**
A secret orcish elixir of
nutrition and stamina!
**[08:38] Alvin**
Nutrition... what?
**[08:40] Alvin**
That's not what I was expecting.
**[08:41] Orc**
But it was a double-edged sword...
**[08:43] Orc**
If I got the dose even slightly off,
it put them in a state of total exhaustion!
**[08:47] Orc**
I just wanted my customers to feel
nice after a stay at my inn...
**[08:54] Orc**
But one little mistake,
and all my best intentions backfired!
**[08:59] Alvin**
Well, it's important to
follow dosing instructions!
**[09:01] Orc**
I'm a true swine who put
his customers in danger!
**[09:04] Orc**
What's wrong with me?
**[09:05] Alvin**
Hang on a minute.
**[09:06] Alvin**
Hey, Carla.
**[09:08] Alvin**
I think he might be a good guy after all!
**[09:10] Alvin**
You think we're the bad
guys for upsetting him?
**[09:14] Carla**
I see.
**[09:16] Carla**
Then there's no two ways about it...
**[09:19] Carla**
Guilty!
**[09:20] Alvin**
Just that one way, huh?
**[09:21] Orc**
Oink! Please forgive me!
**[09:31] Carla**
Alvin-san!
**[09:33] Carla**
Are you going to sell me to slavers?
**[09:35] Alvin**
What have the slavers done to deserve that?
**[09:37] Alvin**
We're on a guild quest to
collect medicinal herbs.
**[09:41] Carla**
I see...
**[09:42] Carla**
By the way, Alvin-san.
**[09:44] Alvin**
Yes?
**[09:45] Carla**
Could you try to drag the
cart a little smoother?
**[09:48] Carla**
I'm motion-sick.
**[09:49] Alvin**
You don't have to ride in it!
**[09:51] Alvin**
What even made you think it was
okay to get in the cart—
**[09:53] Carla**
Alvin-san. Someone's here.
**[09:56] Alvin**
A traveler?
**[09:57] Alvin**
No, an old woman?
**[09:59] Carla**
Do you think she's not feeling well?
**[10:01] Alvin**
Let's talk to her.
**[10:03] Carla**
You're not going to make her
pull the cart, are you?!
**[10:06] Alvin**
Why was *that* your assumption?!
**[10:08] Carla**
Are you going to hit on her, then?
**[10:11] Alvin**
Don't make me say it again!
**[10:13] Alvin**
Excuse me.
**[10:15] Alvin**
Are you all right?
**[10:16] Alvin**
Are you under the weather?
**[10:17] Carla**
Hey, hey, hey!
**[10:18] Carla**
Got time to kill, girl?
**[10:20] Carla**
Wanna hang with us?
**[10:21] Alvin**
Don't hit on her!
**[10:23] Witch**
It's so nice to see young
folk with so much energy.
**[10:26] Witch**
I'm just resting these old bones.
**[10:28] Alvin**
But this place is infested with monsters!
**[10:30] Alvin**
We could take you home, if you like.
**[10:32] Witch**
It wouldn't be too much trouble?
**[10:34] Carla**
You use honeyed words to get
close to women in trouble,
**[10:38] Carla**
then cleverly steer the conversation
into going home with them...
**[10:41] Carla**
You're a true pick-up artist.
And well-practiced, at that...
**[10:44] Alvin**
Phrasing, please!
**[10:45] Carla**
Yet you've never had a
girlfriend! Mysterious!
**[10:47] Alvin**
Just butt out already!
**[10:48] Witch**
Well, at your kind insistence...
**[10:53] Witch**
* Ho ho ho! The fool doesn't even*
* realize I'm actually a witch!*
**[10:57] Witch**
* And I've been needing the*
* bowels of a man for my brew!*
**[11:02] Alvin**
You can walk.
**[11:03] Carla**
That's a flag for a piggyback ride!
**[11:05] Witch**
*And that one's a dark elf!*
**[11:08] Witch**
*An extremely rare, high-quality ingredient!*
**[11:11] Witch**
*I can't let her get away!*
**[11:13] Witch**
Oh, young man...
**[11:15] Witch**
I'll let you have this.
**[11:17] Alvin**
What is it?
**[11:18] Witch**
A homemade stamina potion.
**[11:21] Witch**
I'd meant to drink it later,
**[11:23] Witch**
but I'll give it to you instead.
**[11:26] Alvin**
That's so kind of you!
**[11:27] Witch**
*What a great fool!*
**[11:29] Witch**
*That's a deadly poison!*
**[11:31] Witch**
* And once I neutralize the man,*
* the woman will be easily—*
**[11:35] Alvin**
What the...
**[11:36] Carla**
What is it?
**[11:38] Alvin**
I'm having a hard time
getting a grip on the cork.
**[11:41] Carla**
Oh, come on.
It's because of that ridiculous outfit!
**[11:44] Carla**
Hand it to me. I'll open it.
**[11:46] Alvin**
Thanks.
**[11:47] Carla**
No problem.
**[11:48] Carla**
Goodness me. How did you ever get
along without me, Alvin-san?
**[11:53] Alvin**
I don't know how I get along *with* you.
**[12:00] Carla**
Bah!
**[12:02] Both**
What?!
**[12:05] Alvin**
What... What the hell did you do?!
**[12:07] Carla**
G-Go on, Alvin-san!
**[12:09] Carla**
Lap it up! Lap it up!
**[12:10] Carla**
Like a dog!
**[12:11] Alvin**
Don't be ridiculous!
**[12:12] Carla**
Three-second rule!
**[12:13] Alvin**
Pretty sure that doesn't apply to liquids!
**[12:15] Alvin**
Just because you can't open something
is no reason to break it!
**[12:19] Carla**
That's not what it was!
**[12:21] Carla**
It was um... um...
**[12:24] Carla**
Oh, yes! It's poison!
**[12:26] Alvin**
Poison? What?
**[12:28] Alvin**
Wait, you just told me to lap it up!
**[12:30] Carla**
Fool!
**[12:31] Alvin**
Shut up, stupid!
**[12:33] Carla**
You're simply too careless, Alvin-san!
**[12:35] Carla**
Too trusting of strangers!
**[12:37] Alvin**
Well...
**[12:38] Carla**
Look at that sinister get-up!
**[12:40] Carla**
She's clearly a witch!
**[12:41] Alvin**
I mean, I won't pretend she
doesn't look like one...
**[12:44] Carla**
Though I'm not one to talk,
bewitching as *I* am...
**[12:47] Alvin**
I'd argue that one!
**[12:48] Witch**
Do you have any proof that I'm a witch?
**[12:51] Carla**
Proof, you say?
**[12:53] Carla**
Let me see!
**[12:54] Carla**
I can get that by beating you up
**[12:56] Carla**
then making up whatever story I want!
**[12:58] Alvin**
That's messed up!
**[12:59] Alvin**
But I suppose... it *is* a bit dangerous
to trust a total stranger?
**[13:04] Witch**
*Oh, no! My precious ingredients...*
**[13:07] Witch**
Oh, the sorrow!
**[13:09] Witch**
I'd hoped to treat you to my fine home
cooking when we arrived at my house.
**[13:14] Witch**
My son died in an epidemic,
**[13:16] Witch**
and I outlived my husband,
so now I live all alone...
**[13:19] Witch**
To receive kindness after so long, I was
simply so happy, I wanted to thank you!
**[13:25] Carla**
Honestly. It's no use trying
to earn our pity now.
**[13:28] Carla**
We'd never believe such a ridiculous story.
**[13:31] Witch**
*Tch. I should've known it wouldn't work...*
**[13:34] Carla**
However, I do happen to
be very hungry right now!
**[13:37] Alvin**
Now, hop aboard!
**[13:39] Alvin**
And after we get you home, you can
pay us back with home cooking!
**[13:42] Witch**
*Too easy.*
**[13:49] Witch**
This here is my home.
**[13:53] Carla**
Thanks for having us!
**[13:55] Carla**
So many books!
**[13:57] Carla**
I bet the place would burn real good!
**[14:00] Alvin**
Plotting your next crime, huh?
**[14:02] Witch**
Have a seat wherever you like.
**[14:04] Witch**
I'll prepare drinks for you all.
**[14:06] Alvin**
Oh, thanks.
**[14:08] Carla**
Time to rest these old bones.
**[14:13] Carla**
I'll have one from the tap!
**[14:15] Alvin**
What are you, an old man?
**[14:16] Alvin**
And *what* tap, exactly?
**[14:18] Carla**
A tap on a fruit. For the juice.
**[14:20] Witch**
What an irritating bunch of children.
**[14:23] Witch**
But, no matter.
**[14:24] Witch**
This anesthetic-infused herbal tea
will make them nice and pliable!
**[14:30] Witch**
Here you are. Herbal tea.
**[14:32] Carla**
Is it made from "legal" herbs?
**[14:34] Alvin**
Your own legality is questionable!
**[14:36] Alvin**
I'm sorry.
She really likes to run her mouth.
**[14:39] Witch**
It's good to see young people
with so much energy.
**[14:41] Witch**
Here. Your herbal tea.
**[14:43] Alvin**
Oh, that's right.
**[14:45] Alvin**
Let's drink!
**[14:50] Alvin**
Are you okay?!
**[14:51] Witch**
Oh, quite all right...
**[14:53] Witch**
Though it did get on my clothing...
**[14:55] Alvin**
And... are *you* okay?
**[14:58] Carla**
Well... I was just thinking
I'd like to lie down!
**[15:02] Alvin**
Could you not shout, maybe?
**[15:03] Carla**
I was also thinking I'd
like to read some books!
**[15:06] Alvin**
Would you clean them up already?
**[15:07] Alvin**
You go and get changed, ma'am.
**[15:09] Alvin**
I'll clean up here.
**[15:12] Witch**
Thank you. You'll find the cleaning
supplies right over there.
**[15:15] Witch**
Tch. He's a lucky little rat.
**[15:17] Carla**
Alvin-san, there's a rag right here.
**[15:20] Alvin**
Oh, thanks.
**[15:21] Alvin**
Hey, that's my mantle!
**[15:23] Alvin**
Quit messing around!
**[15:24] Witch**
I know. I'll try *that*!
**[15:27] Alvin**
All right, get cleaning already.
**[15:30] Carla**
Let's clean the room while we're at it.
**[15:32] Carla**
It's really dusty and stuff.
**[15:34] Alvin**
I never thought I'd hear you
offer to do something nice.
**[15:38] Carla**
Well, she lives by herself, so it's
probably hard to keep the place clean...
**[15:42] Alvin**
*What's going on with her?*
**[15:44] Alvin**
*She's being completely decent, for once!*
**[15:46] Carla**
And if I swiped a couple books in
the meantime, who would notice?
**[15:50] Alvin**
Yeah, what else did I expect?
**[15:52] Witch**
Now, what are we doing?
**[15:54] Alvin**
I figured we'd do some cleaning.
**[15:56] Witch**
Why, thank you!
**[15:58] Alvin**
What is that, ma'am?
**[15:59] Witch**
It's called an aromatic candle.
**[16:02] Witch**
It puts out a fragrance that calms the soul!
**[16:05] Witch**
I have visitors so rarely...
**[16:07] Witch**
I was hoping it might help you relax!
**[16:10] Witch**
*In fact, it has a sedative effect!*
**[16:12] Witch**
* I drank an antidote in*
* advance, so I'll be fine.*
**[16:15] Witch**
* But if they breathe it in*
* for ten minutes straight,*
**[16:18] Witch**
* an unavoidable drowsiness*
* will overtake them and—*
**[16:21] Carla**
Fire safety first!
**[16:26] Carla**
Oh...
**[16:28] Carla**
Wh-What would you have done if
the books had caught fire?!
**[16:31] Alvin**
At least warn someone before you do that!
**[16:34] Alvin**
I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
**[16:36] Alvin**
I feel like I'm doing nothing
but apologizing today!
**[16:38] Carla**
I'm sorry for being so
dedicated to fire safety!
**[16:41] Alvin**
I'm sorry I failed to prevent
this walking natural disaster!
**[16:44] Witch**
I suppose I'll get changed again.
**[16:46] Alvin**
Oh? R-Right...
**[16:48] Carla**
Thank goodness! She wasn't angry!
**[16:50] Alvin**
Like we'd get that lucky!
**[16:52] Alvin**
I think she's so far past
anger she can't even yell!
**[16:55] Alvin**
Let's clean up fast!
**[16:57] Alvin**
When she gets back, we'll kneel before
her, apologize, and be on our way!
**[17:00] Carla**
What?
**[17:01] Carla**
I thought we were going to sit around the table,
sharing fun stories and eating her cooking!
**[17:05] Alvin**
You expect polite conversation
in this frigid atmosphere?!
**[17:08] Witch**
What's all the hubbub here?
**[17:11] Alvin**
Ma'am, you're back already...
**[17:12] Witch**
I did promise to treat you to
my home cooking, after all...
**[17:16] Alvin**
Actually, I was thinking
we'd be on our way...
**[17:20] Witch**
Just eat already!
**[17:22] Alvin**
*She's totally pissed!*
**[17:24] Alvin**
*And what the heck is that?*
**[17:25] Alvin**
*She's totally here to kill us!*
**[17:27] Carla**
That looks gross.
**[17:29] Carla**
Wish I hadn't gotten my hopes up.
**[17:31] Alvin**
*And she keeps making everything worse!*
**[17:34] Carla**
Would you like me to cast a
spell to make it taste better?
**[17:37] Witch**
Eh?
**[17:37] Carla**
Let's see...
**[17:39] Carla**
I believe the chant goes like...
**[17:41] Carla**
Become delicious! Moe, moe...
**[17:44] Carla**
...Blast!
**[17:52] Witch**
Just get out!
**[18:00] Witch**
What in the world are you doing?
**[18:04] Witch**
I just told you to leave!
**[18:07] Witch**
What are you doing in here?
**[18:09] Carla**
Isn't it obvious?
**[18:11] Carla**
I'm cooking something up.
**[18:13] Alvin**
* It sounds like you meant*
* that in a different way!*
**[18:15] Carla**
We had a set of bad breaks,
**[18:17] Carla**
and then I went and blew away your meal.
**[18:20] Carla**
And so, as atonement...
**[18:23] Carla**
I will be cooking...
**[18:25] Carla**
With components!
**[18:27] Alvin**
Oh, shut up.
**[18:28] Witch**
Is there any way I can say no to this?
**[18:29] Carla**
No!
**[18:30] Alvin**
Carla, have you ever cooked before?
**[18:33] Carla**
No!
**[18:34] Alvin**
Yeah, I figured.
**[18:35] Carla**
But I have *eaten* before!
**[18:37] Alvin**
Yeah, I figured!
**[18:39] Witch**
Do as you wish.
**[18:40] Witch**
The ingredients are in
the storehouse out back.
**[18:43] Carla**
Thank you very much!
**[18:46] Alvin**
Are you sure about this?
**[18:48] Witch**
Yes... It's clear she won't listen,
no matter what I say.
**[18:52] Witch**
But the sooner I let her do what she
wants, the sooner she'll leave.
**[18:56] Alvin**
Assuming we survive that long!
**[18:58] Carla**
Sorry for the wait!
**[19:00] Carla**
It's amazing, Alvin-san!
**[19:02] Carla**
She had so many ingredients
I've never seen before!
**[19:05] Alvin**
I've seen *that* one before!
**[19:07] Alvin**
Where have you been?!
**[19:09] Kinoko**
Well, after we left that beginner dungeon,
I went chasing a butterfly, and got lost!
**[19:15] Alvin**
Hey, Carla!
**[19:16] Alvin**
You're not planning on
cooking with *him*, are you?
**[19:19] Carla**
Oh, no. Not today.
**[19:21] Alvin**
Not *ever*, please!
**[19:23] Alvin**
So, what are you going to make?
**[19:25] Carla**
I'll make myself a legend!
**[19:26] Alvin**
That's one legend no one will hand down!
**[19:29] Alvin**
Heave ho!
**[19:31] Kinoko**
Hands to yourself, please.
**[19:31] Alvin**
Heave ho!
**[19:33] Carla**
Step right this way, ma'am!
**[19:36] Carla**
Just stand here and don't move.
**[19:38] Witch**
What's this? I thought you were cooking...
**[19:41] Carla**
Emergency Ratio—
**[19:43] Carla**
Er, Altargaia-san, please help me.
**[19:45] Kinoko**
Roger-dodger!
**[19:47] Carla**
Put these ingredients over here,
**[19:49] Carla**
and those ingredients over there.
**[19:51] Carla**
There, that should do it.
**[19:53] Witch**
What exactly are you doing?
**[19:56] Carla**
Cooking requires the correct preparation
of all ingredients, right?
**[19:59] Carla**
I thought I'd supplement the
preparation with a spell.
**[20:02] Alvin**
Is this going to be safe to eat?
**[20:04] Carla**
No worries.
**[20:06] Carla**
My cooking will be perfectly eatable. I think.
**[20:20] Carla**
Yes!
**[20:21] Alvin**
Don't say "Yes"!
**[20:22] Alvin**
What the hell is that?!
**[20:23] Alvin**
It just ate the old woman!
**[20:25] Carla**
I said it would be *eatable*!
You know, "able to eat"!
**[20:27] Alvin**
That isn't how words work!
**[20:30] Alvin**
And the only way that's cooking
is if it's horri*frying*!
**[20:33] Carla**
Oh, that was good.
"Well done," one might say.
**[20:36] Alvin**
Seriously, we have to do something!
**[20:39] Alvin**
Hey, did you just hear—
**[20:42] Carla**
Looks like it's done.
**[20:44] Alvin**
Are you all right, ma'am?!
**[20:45] Alvin**
It didn't digest you, did it?
**[20:48] Witch**
Where am I?
**[20:54] Alvin**
Who are you?
**[20:55] Carla**
It's the old woman.
**[20:57] Alvin**
She sure doesn't look like an old woman!
**[21:00] Carla**
I chose ingredients with
anti-aging properties!
**[21:05] Alvin**
I think that's a little much
for food-based anti-aging!
**[21:08] Kinoko**
Here.
**[21:09] Witch**
Wh-Wh-What in the world has happened?!
**[21:11] Witch**
How can I be young again?
It's simply not possible!
**[21:15] Witch**
A spell to restore youth... No, a ritual?
**[21:18] Witch**
One way or another,
**[21:19] Witch**
the ability to reverse the flow of time is
something I've only heard of in legends!
**[21:26] Witch**
Who in the world are you?!
**[21:28] Carla**
Allow me to tell you.
**[21:30] Carla**
Carve these words into your heart!
**[21:32] Carla**
When standing, as stunning as—
**[21:33] Alvin**
Stress.
**[21:35] Carla**
When sitting, as striking as—
**[21:35] Alvin**
Depression.
**[21:37] Carla**
When walking, as arresting as—
**[21:38] Alvin**
Disaster!
**[21:39] Carla**
I am known as...
**[21:41] Alvin**
...according to her...
**[21:42] Carla**
...the holy woman, Carla!
**[21:44] Carla**
Hey!
**[21:45] Alvin**
What now?!
**[21:45] Carla**
Stop riffing on everything I say!
**[21:46] Witch**
They're in perfect sync.
**[21:47] Alvin**
Everything I said was true!
***SIGN*** Next Time
**[23:24] Kinoko**
I'll handle next episode's title!
**[23:26] Kinoko**
Hang on, you guys can read this stuff?!
**[23:29] Kinoko**
"As usual, Alvin and Carla
have to overcome
**[23:31] Kinoko**
a series of crises on their travels
**[23:32] Kinoko**
like being attacked by a thief
**[23:34] Kinoko**
and running into a golem until
a certain series of events..."
***SIGN*** See you then!
***SIGN*** "As usual, Alvin and Carla have to overcome a series of crises on their
travels like being attacked by a thief and running into a golem until
a certain series of events leads Alvin to take massive damage and
it's so extreme that he even has to take off his armor to recuperate
and that becomes an opportunity for them to get in a fight and
reevaluate their relationship a little and even though their fights
are an important part of the show the times being what they are
during cast auditions and ADR and such only so many people
were allowed in the recording studio at once which is pretty
tough to work around but everyone gave it their all to make
the best show they could and that's the deal with episode 6."
**[23:37] Kinoko**
Uh, that's the deal with episode 6!
**[23:38] Kinoko**
See you next—
# E6 - As usual, Alvin and Carla have to overcome a series of crises...
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G8WUN4NXE/as-usual-alvin-and-carla-have-to-overcome-a-series-of-crises)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:02] Alvin**
Monsters threaten human life.
**[00:05] Alvin**
They are opposed by brave adventurers!
**[00:10] Alvin**
And I, Alvin, am one of them!
**[00:15] Alvin**
Now in a party with Carla, the healer,
**[00:18] Alvin**
my journey continues!
***SIGN*** Don't Hurt Me,
***SIGN*** Don't Hurt Me,
***SIGN*** My Healer!
***SIGN*** As usual, Alvin and Carla have to overcome a series of crises...
***SIGN*** What a nice old lady.
***SIGN*** She gave us so many medicinal herbs and provisions!
***SIGN*** Such generosity.
**[02:01] Alvin**
Yeah, thanks to her, our guild
quest is as good as complete.
**[02:05] Alvin**
But it was pretty dicey, at first.
**[02:08] Alvin**
She was so mad about all we did to her...
**[02:11] (Flashback) Carla**
Fire safety first!
**[02:13] (Flashback) Carla**
Blast!
**[02:15] Carla**
Why did you have to make that
old lady so angry, Alvin-san?
**[02:19] Carla**
Honestly, a grown man...
**[02:21] Alvin**
You're the main one she was mad at!
**[02:23] Alvin**
But then your spell turned her young again,
**[02:27] Alvin**
and made her so happy she cried.
**[02:30] (Flashback) Witch**
I can't thank you enough, Carla-sama!
***SIGN*** Carla-sama
**[02:32] Alvin**
She even put a damned
"-sama" after your name.
**[02:35] Alvin**
All's well that ends well, I guess.
**[02:37] Alvin**
Now, let's get back to the guild
and hand over the medicinal herbs.
**[02:42] Alvin**
By the way, Carla.
**[02:43] Alvin**
You're being awfully quiet.
**[02:45] Alvin**
Isn't that a sign of the apocalypse?
**[02:47] Carla**
Hush!
***SIGN*** What's up, Big Sis Carla?
**[02:51] Alvin**
Oh, heck. Am I right about
that apocalypse thing?
**[02:54] Thief**
Okay, guys, nobody move!
**[02:56] Thief**
If y-you dom wamma bie, wep astay
lom the staggon en gibbe mer yunny!
**[03:04] Alvin**
What now?
**[03:10] Thief**
Let me try that again!
**[03:12] Alvin**
Sure!
**[03:13] Thief**
Awesome!
**[03:15] Alvin**
Who's that?
**[03:17] Carla**
I don't know.
**[03:18] Carla**
She seems to be some kind of a thief.
**[03:21] Thief**
I'm coming out!
**[03:22] Alvin**
Right!
**[03:26] Thief**
Okay, guys, nobody move!
**[03:28] Thief**
If you don't wanna to die,
step away from the wagon and—
**[03:35] Alvin**
It's okay!
**[03:36] Alvin**
You made it! You're good!
**[03:40] Carla**
Do it again! Do it again!
**[03:43] Carla**
Do it again!
**[03:44] Alvin**
Stop it!
**[03:45] Alvin**
Look, we got the point.
**[03:47] Alvin**
You want us to give you the wagon, right?
**[03:50] Alvin**
Is that it?
**[03:51] Thief**
You mean, I don't have to do it again?
**[03:54] Alvin**
Yeah, you're good!
**[03:56] These**
Does that mean you'll give me your wagon?
**[03:58] Alvin**
No freaking way.
**[03:59] both**
Stingy!
***SIGN*** Bzzt
***SIGN*** Bzzt
**[04:00] Alvin**
You bet I am!
**[04:01] Alvin**
You think life's all about handouts?
**[04:03] Alvin**
Anyway, are you supposed to be a thief?
**[04:05] Alvin**
You do seem to be on your own...
**[04:07] Thief**
I'm not alone.
**[04:08] Thief**
I'm the oldest of four sisters!
**[04:10] Alvin**
That's not what I meant.
***SIGN*** Okay, listen up!
**[04:15] Alvin**
What is it now?
***SIGN*** You're not supposed to just burst out and shout!
***SIGN*** Everyone knows a thief is supposed to lie in wait and mount an ambush!
***SIGN*** And if you've got sisters, you should bring some of them to help out!
**[04:27] Thief**
Actually, they're still too little...
**[04:30] Alvin**
A monster, lecturing a human
on how to ambush travelers...
**[04:34] Carla**
I just got a great idea!
**[04:36] Alvin**
And then the holy woman
weighs in with advice.
**[04:39] Carla**
When there are multiple
opponents to be ambushed,
**[04:41] Carla**
you should always try to
take one of them hostage!
**[04:43] Thief**
Oh!
**[04:44] Carla**
And in honor of the occasion,
I volunteer for the role!
**[04:48] Thief**
Wow, really? That's so nice.
**[04:50] Thief**
But do you think that warrior
is going to play along?
**[04:53] Carla**
It's okay.
**[04:55] Carla**
If there's one thing he's good
at, it's reading the mood.
**[04:58] Thief**
Okay...
**[05:00] Thief**
Is this good? Not too tight?
**[05:02] Carla**
It's just fine.
**[05:04] Carla**
Now, try threatening me to Alvin-san.
**[05:07] Thief**
Hey, hey, hey! Nobody move!
**[05:09] Alvin**
Drat! When did you...
**[05:14] Thief**
If you value her life...
**[05:18] Carla**
Whisper, whisper, whisper.
**[05:19] Thief**
Show me your best one-shot gag!
**[05:22] Alvin**
That's a hell of a hostage demand!
**[05:25] Carla**
Have faith in yourself, Alvin-san!
**[05:26] Carla**
Everything you do is funny!
**[05:28] Alvin**
What's that supposed to mean?!
**[05:30] Alvin**
I refuse to do this!
**[05:35] Alvin**
Hey... hang on, now!
**[05:36] Alvin**
Why are you sitting?
I said, I'm not doing this!
**[05:42] Alvin**
Hey, cut it out!
**[05:43] Alvin**
Don't go into spectator mode!
**[05:51] Both**
Alvin! Alvin!
**[05:55] Both**
Alvin!
**[05:55] Alvin**
Stop pushing me!
**[05:57] Both**
Alvin! Alvin!
**[06:01] Both**
Alvin! Alvin!
**[06:04] Both**
Alvin!
**[06:06] Carla**
Loser!
**[06:07] Alvin**
Darn it! Just close your
eyes and wait a minute!
**[06:11] Alvin**
Don't open those eyes until I say so!
**[06:13] Alvin**
And being a loser has
nothing to do with this!
***SIGN*** He's doing it.
**[06:17] Alvin**
My best one-shot gag...
**[06:25] Alvin**
All right. It's ready.
**[06:28] Alvin**
Now...
**[06:29] Alvin**
Ta-da!
**[06:30] Alvin**
I'm a dullahan!
**[06:50] Thief**
I should probably head out.
**[06:53] Carla**
Understood.
**[06:54] Carla**
Just a minute.
**[07:00] Carla**
Here, take this.
**[07:02] Thief**
Are you sure?
**[07:03] Carla**
As an apology for that terrible joke.
**[07:05] Thief**
Thanks. Goodbye.
**[07:08] Carla**
Take care!
**[07:13] Carla**
Very impressive, Alvin-san!
**[07:15] Carla**
Was that all part of your
plan to demoralize her?
**[07:20] Alvin**
Yes.
**[07:41] Alvin**
Damn it...
**[07:46] Alvin**
It's no use. This golem is too powerful!
**[07:49] Carla**
Alvin-san!
**[07:50] Alvin**
Stand back, Carla!
**[07:54] Alvin**
I'll buy us time. You run—
**[07:56] Carla**
No way, no way!
**[07:57] Carla**
There's no way you are
buying anyone any time!
**[07:59] Carla**
There's no freaking way!
**[08:01] Alvin**
You sound a little too sure about that!
**[08:02] Carla**
You couldn't, even resurrected!
**[08:04] Alvin**
Knock it off!
**[08:05] Alvin**
Will you just let me
serve as the vanguard—
**[08:10] Alvin**
Back off, buddy! We're kind of busy here!
***SIGN*** Take it easy, man.
**[08:18] Carla**
How many seconds do you expect to
buy against a golem, Alvin-san?
**[08:22] Carla**
Not many, I'm sure.
**[08:24] Carla**
You're perpetually disadvantaged.
**[08:26] Alvin**
That's a painfully convincing argument.
**[08:29] Carla**
However!
**[08:32] Carla**
You do have one unique advantage!
**[08:35] Alvin**
What, my integrity?
**[08:38] Carla**
Very funny.
**[08:41] Carla**
It's me! Yay!
**[08:43] Alvin**
I wish I didn't.
**[08:45] Carla**
With a healer like me
serving as your backup,
**[08:48] Carla**
this golem will fall easily!
**[08:50] Alvin**
Easily? Backup?
**[08:53] Alvin**
You're not going to use that deadly
enhancement spell, are you?
**[09:00] Carla**
It'll be better this time.
**[09:01] Carla**
I've matured a great deal since.
***SIGN*** Yes!
**[09:05] Alvin**
You sure about that?
**[09:07] Carla**
I won't stay the same forever,
unlike someone I know.
**[09:11] Alvin**
Don't point at me!
**[09:13] Carla**
Now, now.
**[09:14] Carla**
Golem-san is waiting.
**[09:16] Carla**
I promise, I'll back you up!
**[09:18] Alvin**
Are you sure about this?
**[09:20] Carla**
I'll give you a nice funeral.
**[09:21] Alvin**
That's *not* promising!
**[09:24] Alvin**
If you insist.
**[09:26] Carla**
Good luck!
**[09:28] Alvin**
Hey, golem!
**[09:31] Alvin**
I'm a man!
I can't spend my whole life cowering!
**[09:34] Carla**
Go! Fight! Alvin-san!
***SIGN*** Fight
***SIGN*** Alvin
***SIGN*** Alvin-san
***SIGN*** Alvin
***SIGN*** Alvin-san
***SIGN*** Alvin
***SIGN*** Alvin-san
***SIGN*** Go! Go!
**[09:35] Alvin**
Let's finis—
***SIGN*** Alvin
***SIGN*** Alvin-san
**[09:37] Carla**
Go, go, Alvin! Fight, fight, Alvin!
**[09:40] Carla**
Let's go, Alvin!
**[09:42] Carla**
Fight an unwinnable battle
and learn the pecking order!
**[09:46] Alvin**
Oh, shut up!
**[09:47] Alvin**
Hey!
**[09:48] Carla**
Well? What do you think of my new
spell, "Cheerful Encouragement"?
**[09:52] Alvin**
That sounded like heckling!
**[09:54] Carla**
It filled you with determination, didn't it?
**[09:56] Alvin**
It filled me with *anger*!
**[09:58] Alvin**
Aren't you supposed to do something like...
**[09:59] Alvin**
raise my attack power,
**[10:01] Alvin**
raise my defense power,
**[10:03] Alvin**
or something that's actually useful?
**[10:05] Carla**
I see!
**[10:06] Carla**
Then, I'll go into town and buy you
an expensive sword and shield!
**[10:09] Carla**
Just a minute!
**[10:10] Alvin**
Not like that, damn it!
**[10:11] Alvin**
Damn it! That's all wrong!
**[10:13] Carla**
Oh, silly me!
**[10:16] Carla**
You have to give me money first.
**[10:18] Carla**
Tee-hee.
**[10:19] Alvin**
It's not that!
**[10:21] Alvin**
As a healer, you're supposed
to support me with *spells*!
**[10:23] Carla**
Actually...
**[10:25] Carla**
I don't think there's an enhancement spell
powerful enough
**[10:28] Carla**
to let you beat a golem, Alvin-san.
**[10:30] Alvin**
I don't even know what to say.
***SIGN*** Is that so?
**[10:32] Alvin**
After all that talk about how easy you'd
make it, suddenly it's impossible?
**[10:39] Carla**
We have a trump card.
**[10:41] Alvin**
What is it now?
**[10:42] Carla**
I do think it would give
us the victory, but...
**[10:48] Alvin**
I don't know what you're so hesitant about,
***SIGN*** Upsy-daisy!
**[10:50] Alvin**
but after all this, I'll do whatever it is!
**[10:52] Alvin**
We need to work together
to defeat that golem!
**[10:56] Carla**
Alvin-san...
**[10:58] Carla**
Very well.
**[11:00] Alvin**
What is it?
**[11:02] Carla**
We'll borrow power from
the spirits of earth!
**[11:06] Alvin**
That sounds really cool!
**[11:10] Carla**
It's important to pray to them very hard.
**[11:13] Carla**
Therefore, Alvin-san,
I need you to pray with me.
**[11:16] Alvin**
All right. I just have to pray, right?
**[11:19] Carla**
Now, place your hands on the ground below,
**[11:21] Carla**
and rest your head on the rocks.
**[11:26] Carla**
I'm sorry for the long wait.
**[11:28] Carla**
I...
**[11:30] Carla**
There's a favor I need to
ask you before we fight.
**[11:34] Carla**
Is there any way you could be convinced
to let our warrior here win?
**[11:37] Carla**
We're begging you!
**[11:39] Alvin**
She tricked me!
**[11:50] Alvin**
We're almost to town.
**[11:53] Carla**
I feel like something's been
missing for a while now.
**[11:56] Alvin**
He's probably off chasing butterflies again.
**[12:02] Alvin**
Huh?
**[12:03] Alvin**
It's the golem again!
**[12:10] Alvin**
What is it?
**[12:11] Alvin**
Is he trying to tell us something?
**[12:14] Carla**
Wh-What did you say?!
**[12:16] Alvin**
Hey, you can understand him?
**[12:19] Alvin**
So? What did he say?
**[12:23] Alvin**
You *can't* understand him?!
**[12:25] Carla**
Of course I can't understand him!
That's why I asked what he said!
**[12:29] Alvin**
That's what you say when
you *can* understand him!
**[12:31] Alvin**
You suck at this!
**[12:32] Golem**
Get off each other's backs
and listen to me, guys!
**[12:34] Alvin**
Hang on! So you *can* talk!
**[12:37] Carla**
I'm told that the longest-lived creatures
**[12:40] Carla**
have high intelligence and
a wealth of experience.
**[12:43] Alvin**
Not that line again.
**[12:45] Golem**
Just follow me!
**[12:47] Golem**
There's no time to lose!
**[13:03] Alvin**
So, what happened to him?
**[13:06] Carla**
He appears to be poisoned.
**[13:09] Golem**
I think he was bitten by a venomous snake.
**[13:11] Alvin**
Shouldn't a mushroom monster have
a degree of toxin resistance?
***SIGN*** Unfortunately, I... I'm an edible species... of mushroom.
**[13:23] Alvin**
I... see.
**[13:25] Carla**
Are you all right?
**[13:26] Carla**
Do you have any last words?
***SIGN*** Actually... couldn't you cast... an antidote spe—
**[13:31] Carla**
Don't speak!
**[13:33] Carla**
You'll make the poison spread faster!
**[13:35] Carla**
Please, don't say it's the end!
It's too tragic to conceive!
**[13:38] Alvin**
He wasn't, though!
**[13:40] Carla**
Sob, sob. I'm sure... sob, sob...
**[13:44] Carla**
we'll meet again... sob, sob, sob...
**[13:46] Carla**
in the next world... sob, sob, sob...
**[13:49] Alvin**
Don't just give up!
**[13:50] Golem**
I don't think I've ever heard a person
say "sob, sob, sob" out loud before.
**[13:53] Carla**
This is normally the part where someone
would say such things and give up.
**[13:57] Carla**
Fortunately, you happen to be with me!
**[14:02] Alvin**
Are you seeing that expression
of total despair?
**[14:05] Carla**
Allow me to show you...
**[14:07] Carla**
the holy power of a curative specialist!
**[14:10] Alvin**
Did you say specialist, or blacklist?
**[14:12] Carla**
Have you forgotten how I turned
that old lady young again?
**[14:15] Alvin**
I also remember your deadly
enhancement spell!
**[14:18] Carla**
Are you ready?!
***SIGN*** I'm resigned to my fate.
**[14:23] Alvin**
He's prepared to die!
**[14:27] Carla**
Come, rest back on this rock.
**[14:31] Carla**
Now, we'll take it slow.
**[14:35] Alvin**
In a moment like this...
**[14:37] Carla**
It's going to be okay. Try to relax.
***SIGN*** Thanks...
**[14:42] Alvin**
She almost looks a little
bit like a healer...
**[14:44] Carla**
I'll put you out of your misery very soon.
**[14:48] Alvin**
Never mind. Her word choice
is still pure malevolence!
**[14:51] Carla**
Now, with this sacred left hand...
**[15:10] Alvin**
What are you doing?!
**[15:12] Alvin**
You...
**[15:13] Alvin**
Why did you stick your hand into his mouth!
**[15:14] Alvin**
Cut it out!
**[15:16] Carla**
Why? This is the antidote spell.
**[15:18] Alvin**
It's torture!
**[15:19] Carla**
It's okay. I'm just trying to
get him to expel the toxin.
**[15:22] Alvin**
I hope he doesn't expel any organs!
**[15:25] Carla**
There!
**[15:28] Carla**
I did it! I got him to expel the poison!
**[15:32] Carla**
Well? How are you feeling?
***SIGN*** I'm feeling... much better...
***SIGN*** That's a healer! I thought I was dead for a minute there!
**[15:42] Carla**
Oh... no need to flatter me.
**[15:45] Carla**
Calling me a "goddess of healing"
is surely too far.
**[15:48] Carla**
You're making me blush!
**[15:50] Carla**
Well? Did you see that, Alvin-san?
**[15:53] Carla**
I looked magnificently like a healer back—
**[15:59] Carla**
Medic!
**[16:04] Golem**
It's starting to come down.
**[16:06] Golem**
There's a cabin nearby. Let's get him there.
**[16:09] Carla**
Right.
***SIGN*** Thanks for all the help, Golem.
***SIGN*** We couldn't have gotten Alvin here without you.
***SIGN*** If we'd left it all up to Big Sis Carla,
***SIGN*** it would've taken us forever.
***SIGN*** I can't thank you enough!
**[16:32] Golem**
Hey, no problem.
**[16:34] Golem**
I'm sure you'd do the same for me.
**[16:36] Golem**
But I can't go in the cabin,
so I should really be going.
***SIGN*** Right.
***SIGN*** I'll come by to thank you pretty soon.
**[16:42] Golem**
Sure. See you.
***SIGN*** See ya!
***SIGN*** Okay, I'd better get the antidote herbs.
**[16:50] Carla**
Stare.
***SIGN*** B-Big Sis?!
**[16:54] Carla**
How friendly you two are.
***SIGN*** I g-guess so...
**[16:57] Carla**
Go fetch the wagon, won't you?
***SIGN*** S-Sure...
**[17:01] Carla**
And give me my bag.
***SIGN*** Bag?
**[17:08] Alvin**
What the...
**[17:08] Alvin**
What happened to me?
**[17:10] Alvin**
Right, the mushroom spat
out the poison and—
**[17:19] Alvin**
Where am I?
**[17:23] Alvin**
It looks abandoned... but, a cabin?
**[17:26] Carla**
You're awake, are you?
**[17:29] Alvin**
Is that you, Carla?
**[17:31] Carla**
It appears my prayers to God were answered!
**[17:34] Alvin**
Evil cultist!
**[17:36] Carla**
Sorry, it was actually an angel.
**[17:39] Carla**
Isn't that nice?
**[17:40] Alvin**
I'm sticking with "evil cultist"!
**[17:42] Alvin**
And what's with that new outfit?
**[17:45] Carla**
Does it suit me?
**[17:47] Alvin**
It does. As an evil cultist.
**[17:49] Carla**
These are my ritual robes, worn to
ask God to make you feel better!
**[17:55] Carla**
Yay!
**[17:57] Alvin**
You look more like you're
prepared to sacrifice me!
**[18:00] Alvin**
What's with the mask?!
**[18:02] Carla**
What a rude thing to say!
**[18:03] Alvin**
But seriously...
**[18:04] Carla**
God would be offended by
a sacrifice like that.
**[18:09] Carla**
I'd need something nicer,
like a chicken, or a goat!
**[18:10] Alvin**
Now I'm offended, I think.
**[18:13] Carla**
I sit, sensitively.
**[18:15] Alvin**
What in the world?
**[18:15] Carla**
But how are you feeling?
**[18:18] Alvin**
A lot better.
**[18:19] Alvin**
You didn't stick your hand
in my mouth, did you?
**[18:23] Carla**
Actually, I was running low on power,
so I couldn't use that spell.
**[18:26] Carla**
I'm very sowwy.
**[18:27] Alvin**
I'm *glad*.
**[18:29] Alvin**
So, how did you remove the poison?
**[18:32] Carla**
With my prayers, as I said!
**[18:36] Alvin**
I guess it must not have
been very potent poison.
**[18:41] Carla**
Your face does still look a little bad.
**[18:43] Alvin**
I think you mean my *complexion*.
**[18:45] Carla**
Is that how it goes?
**[18:46] Alvin**
Yes! It is!
**[18:49] Carla**
Hold out your forehead!
**[18:51] Alvin**
Stop that! I'm fine!
**[18:54] Alvin**
I've never had my temperature
checked with an iron claw before.
**[18:58] Carla**
You do still appear to
have a bit of body heat.
**[19:01] Alvin**
I'd be dead if I didn't!
**[19:03] Carla**
You should probably lie down.
**[19:05] Carla**
Let's cool you off.
**[19:13] Carla**
There!
**[19:14] Alvin**
Wring it first!
**[19:15] Carla**
S-Sorry!
**[19:19] Alvin**
Not on my *head*!
**[19:21] Carla**
Look at you, dripping with charm!
**[19:23] Alvin**
Now's no time for flattery!
**[19:26] Alvin**
Forgot it! Just leave me alone!
**[19:28] Carla**
Wait a minute!
**[19:29] Carla**
Oh, I know.
**[19:30] Carla**
Are you hungry, Alvin-san?
**[19:34] Alvin**
Actually, I haven't eaten
anything for a while.
**[19:36] Alvin**
I guess I am a little hungry.
**[19:38] Carla**
I thought you'd say that.
**[19:40] Carla**
So I got a little something ready!
**[19:42] Sign**
Eat delicious!
Medicinal Herbs Cooking
**[19:42] Carla**
This book contains a number of
recipes based on medicinal herbs.
**[19:47] Alvin**
Well.
**[19:49] Alvin**
Let me see!
**[19:51] Carla**
They're recipes that not only use
the properties of medicinal herbs,
**[19:55] Carla**
but are also very tasty!
**[19:58] Alvin**
So? What did you make?
**[20:03] Carla**
"Make"?
**[20:05] Carla**
I didn't even consider that.
**[20:08] Alvin**
You need more imagination.
**[20:12] Carla**
I'm sorry.
**[20:13] Carla**
I'm scatterbrained, clumsy,
and inconsiderate.
**[20:18] Carla**
I'm sorry.
**[20:19] Alvin**
H-Hey...
**[20:20] Alvin**
You don't have to be that depressed about it...
**[20:22] Carla**
I'm sorry that I'm so cute about it!
**[20:27] Alvin**
Don't get optimistically depressed!
**[20:30] Alvin**
Sheesh.
**[20:31] Alvin**
Fine, don't do anything.
**[20:33] Alvin**
Just give me some peace and quiet.
***SIGN*** S
a
d
.
.
.
**[20:36] Carla**
Okay.
**[20:37] Alvin**
And...
**[20:42] Alvin**
Well... you know.
**[20:45] Alvin**
You've tried to do a lot for me.
**[20:48] Alvin**
And I appreciate... the sentiment, at least.
**[20:52] Alvin**
Just the sentiment, okay?
**[21:00] Carla**
I-It doesn't seem appropriate to
say that while you're resting.
**[21:05] Alvin**
Yeah, yeah.
**[21:07] Alvin**
Good night.
**[21:09] Carla**
Good night.
***SIGN*** Big Sis Carla! I brought the antidote herbs.
***SIGN*** We can use these to get Alvin feeling—
***SIGN*** Oh, shucks.
***SIGN*** Looks like he's doing just fine.
***SIGN*** Next Time
**[23:25] Alvin**
Next episode's title is...
**[23:27] Alvin**
Can't we just stop abusing
ourselves on this?
**[23:30] Carla**
Yeah, it's not possible to
do it in fifteen seconds.
**[23:32] Carla**
It seems pretty stupid.
***SIGN*** Agreed.
**[23:34] Alvin**
Oh, it's from the higher-ups.
***SIGN*** See you then!
***SIGN*** "This show is fairly unique in that Carla is the only recurring female
character although in episode 5 we did get the witch and then the
thief character but the witch only gets a few seconds at the
end in her young form and the thief girl doesn't get any more
screen time after this so I suspect the folks at home are wondering
if we're ever going to see any new female characters and so partly
for you people this episode features a female character called
Maria Deathflame but to set up for that we have to do a zombie
story so I hope you'll enjoy that first and of course Maria has her
own idiosyncrasies so you'll just have to wait to see if it meets
your expectations and that's the deal with episode 7."
**[23:37] Alvin**
"We're never letting you
people do the preview—"
# E7 - This show is fairly unique in that Carla is the only recurring female character...
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GZ7UV0VK0/this-show-is-fairly-unique-in-that-carla-is-the-only-recurring-female-character)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:02] Alvin**
Monsters threaten human life.
**[00:05] Alvin**
They are opposed by brave adventurers!
**[00:10] Alvin**
And I, Alvin, am one of them!
**[00:15] Alvin**
Now in a party with Carla, the healer,
**[00:18] Alvin**
my journey continues!
***SIGN*** Don't Hurt Me,
***SIGN*** Don't Hurt Me,
***SIGN*** My Healer!
***SIGN*** This show is fairly unique in that Carla is the only recurring female character...
**[01:57] Carla**
Another peaceful day.
**[01:58] Alvin**
Yeah...
**[02:00] Alvin**
But peace isn't exactly
conducive to leveling up.
**[02:03] Alvin**
Wonder where we could find some monsters...
**[02:06] Carla**
Weak ones, you mean?
**[02:07] Alvin**
Shut up.
**[02:10] Alvin**
Is that...
**[02:14] Alvin**
Someone's collapsed over there!
**[02:15] Alvin**
Attacked by a monster, perhaps?
**[02:18] Carla**
Never mind that, Alvin-san!
**[02:20] Carla**
Hurry!
**[02:22] Alvin**
Right!
**[02:23] Carla**
Hurry up and bury them!
**[02:24] Alvin**
Don't jump to conclusions!
**[02:25] Alvin**
You can't just assume a
person like that is dead!
**[02:28] Carla**
But nine times out of ten, when you see
someone collapsed on the road, they're dead.
**[02:33] Alvin**
We don't know that for sure!
**[02:34] Carla**
Very well.
**[02:36] Carla**
We just have to check first, then?
**[02:38] Alvin**
Of course we do!
**[02:41] Carla**
And after we check, we can bury them?
**[02:43] Alvin**
That depends on what we find!
**[02:45] Carla**
You think we might find that
cremation is preferable?
**[02:48] Carla**
Which is better, that or burial?
**[02:50] Alvin**
At least consider the chance
that he might be alive!
**[02:53] Alvin**
Fine, forget you.
**[02:54] Alvin**
I'll check him myself!
**[02:56] Alvin**
Shoo, shoo.
**[02:58] Kinoko**
Stop!
**[03:00] Kinoko**
Hang on just a mushroom!
**[03:01] Alvin**
What now?
**[03:02] Alvin**
And have you been here this whole time?
**[03:03] Kinoko**
It's not safe to approach so incautiously.
**[03:06] Kinoko**
Some monsters pretend to be
human to get your guard down.
**[03:11] Kinoko**
There's no guarantee that's a person!
**[03:14] Alvin**
Good point.
**[03:15] Kinoko**
Gosh. Shouldn't you do a little studying
before you become an adventurer?
**[03:20] Alvin**
I don't like hearing that from a monster...
**[03:22] Alvin**
But there's also a chance
that they really are human...
**[03:26] Kinoko**
Then why not call out to them first?
**[03:29] Carla**
By all means, Alvin-san, go ahead.
**[03:30] Alvin**
Me?!
**[03:32] Alvin**
Fine, but...
**[03:34] Alvin**
Hey! Are you alive?
**[03:37] Carla**
That seems a bit insensitive.
**[03:40] Alvin**
Hey! How you doing?
**[03:42] Carla**
More friendly!
**[03:43] Alvin**
Wanna go out for tea together?
**[03:46] Carla**
Sorry. You're not my type.
**[03:49] Alvin**
I wasn't talking to you!
**[03:51] Alvin**
And why are you making me say these things?
**[03:53] Carla**
Only a cockroach of a man would
say exactly what he's told to.
**[04:03] Alvin**
He's moving!
**[04:04] Alvin**
Thank goodness! He's alive!
**[04:07] Alvin**
That means we won't have to bury him!
**[04:11] Alvin**
No, he really is dead!
**[04:12] Alvin**
We really *should* have buried him!
**[04:22] Alvin**
Hang on. Can this zombie not stand up?
**[04:30] Alvin**
Awesome! Even I can beat this thing!
**[04:32] Carla**
Don't you dare!
**[04:33] Carla**
Don't his attempts to stand
inspire any feeling in you?
**[04:38] Alvin**
The feeling that I can beat him, sure!
**[04:40] Carla**
Even zombies are just trying
to live their lives!
**[04:43] Alvin**
But they're dead!
**[04:45] Alvin**
And you're the one who wanted to bury him!
**[04:47] Carla**
I was moved by his passion!
**[04:55] Carla**
Don't give up!
**[04:57] Carla**
Don't let the rot take your spirit, too!
**[04:58] Kinoko**
Give it your best!
**[05:04] Carla**
Almost there!
**[05:09] Carla**
One more time!
**[05:48] Alvin**
Come on, man! Give it all you got!
**[06:01] Carla**
H-He stood up!
**[06:04] Carla**
The zombie...
**[06:05] Carla**
The zombie stood up!
**[06:08] Kinoko**
The zombie stood up!
**[06:10] Kinoko**
The zombie stood up!
**[06:12] Kinoko**
The zombie—
**[06:14] Kinoko**
The zombie... stood up!
**[06:26] Carla**
I've never seen anything so moving!
**[06:28] Kinoko**
It's awesome!
**[06:33] Alvin**
You...
**[06:35] Alvin**
You have true grit.
**[06:40] Alvin**
What?
**[06:46] Carla**
H-His head!
**[06:48] Alvin**
I didn't...
**[06:49] Alvin**
I didn't do it on purpose!
**[06:51] Carla**
Y-You killed him!
**[06:53] Alvin**
But he was already dead!
**[07:02] Alvin**
We did bury him, at least...
**[07:05] Alvin**
But aren't zombies supposed
to come back to life?
**[07:08] Carla**
There's no need to worry.
**[07:10] Carla**
The prayers of one with a holy
spirit can purify his soul.
**[07:15] Alvin**
So, not you, then?
**[07:16] Carla**
Sorrowful being, wandering this
world even after death...
**[07:21] Carla**
Find peaceful slumber, and
when the dawn comes...
**[07:24] Carla**
Awaken!
**[07:26] Alvin**
Why are you waking him up?!
**[07:30] Alvin**
See? You woke him up!
**[07:33] Carla**
Oh, drat!
**[07:34] Carla**
I accidentally rejuvenated him.
**[07:37] Alvin**
That's not rejuvenation!
**[07:39] Zobita**
So, this is holy power!
**[07:42] Zobita**
I feel so refreshed!
**[07:44] Alvin**
But you're still decapitated!
**[07:46] Zobita**
Thank you for waking me up!
**[07:48] Zobita**
I am Zobita, the zombie!
**[07:50] Alvin**
What a lazy name.
**[07:53] Carla**
I am Carla.
**[07:54] Carla**
A bonafide healer!
**[07:56] Alvin**
Bonafide? Don't make me laugh.
**[07:59] Carla**
And this is Alvin-san, the laughingstock.
**[08:02] Alvin**
I'm a *warrior*!
**[08:03] Kinoko**
And I am the beloved mascot—
**[08:05] Alvin**
Shut up, would you?
**[08:06] Zobita**
A healer, a laughingstock, and a mushroom.
**[08:09] Zobita**
What an unusual party!
**[08:11] Carla**
He just called us unusual, Alvin-san!
**[08:14] Alvin**
Isn't that a nice compliment, *Carla*?
**[08:16] Zobita**
Are you adventurers?
**[08:18] Zobita**
What a happy coincidence!
**[08:21] Zobita**
Can I ask you for a favor?
**[08:23] Carla**
Very well. We'll do it!
**[08:24] Alvin**
Not so fast!
**[08:26] Alvin**
We don't take requests from monsters!
**[08:28] Carla**
But we could earn his gratitude.
**[08:30] Alvin**
She's so damned obvious!
**[08:31] Carla**
I'm obviously trying to get him in my debt.
**[08:36] Alvin**
Do you have any motives
that aren't ulterior ones?
**[08:38] Alvin**
And you never got any better at that wink...
**[08:40] Carla**
Now, what's the favor you wanted to ask?
**[08:43] Zobita**
It is...
**[08:48] Zobita**
Revenge!
***SIGN*** Revenge
***SIGN*** Revenge
**[08:54] carla**
Let's review.
***SIGN*** Review
**[08:56] Alvin**
Great idea. Shut up and do that.
**[08:59] Alvin**
Revenge is a messy business, though.
**[09:02] Alvin**
Care to fill us in on the story?
**[09:03] Carla**
His grades must be down,
since he didn't review enough.
**[09:06] Alvin**
Don't make fun!
**[09:08] Zobita**
Down this road lies a graveyard so old,
that all people have forgotten its name.
**[09:13] Zobita**
That is where...
**[09:18] Zobita**
I served as leader of the all-zombie
dance troupe, Be Zombitious!
**[09:23] Alvin**
We *are* talking about revenge, aren't we?
**[09:26] Zobita**
Then one day, out of the blue...
**[09:29] Zobita**
a terrible necromancer arrived!
**[09:36] Carla**
It wasn't me!
**[09:38] Carla**
Remember, I'm a healer!
**[09:40] Alvin**
I didn't say anything.
**[09:42] Zobita**
The necromancer's level was so high...
**[09:45] Zobita**
And one after another, my fellow
zombies became taken in...
**[09:49] Alvin**
I have heard that high-level necromancers
can enslave the souls of the dead...
**[09:57] Zobita**
Taken in by her amazing dance skills!
**[10:01] (Flashback) Zombie B**
Oh!
**[10:02] (Flashback) Zombie A**
So cool!
**[10:04] Alvin**
She sounds more like a dancer!
**[10:07] Zobita**
I can't let her dancing be better
than mine, the group leader!
**[10:12] Zobita**
I want revenge against
her for humiliating me!
**[10:15] Alvin**
This sounds more like a petty grudge.
**[10:17] Carla**
Whatever the reason,
**[10:19] Carla**
we can hardly leave a necromancer at large.
**[10:21] Carla**
We will help you achieve your revenge!
**[10:24] Alvin**
I know someone even worse is
being left at large, myself.
**[10:28] Carla**
Still, I do think this job is for us.
**[10:31] Alvin**
How so?
**[10:33] Carla**
Necromancers are weak against holy power.
**[10:36] Carla**
In other words, I hold the advantage!
**[10:38] Alvin**
You don't have holy anything.
**[10:40] Carla**
And you're a master dancer, Alvin-san!
**[10:44] Carla**
When someone's pulling your
strings, you dance so good!
**[10:47] Carla**
Wee, wee!
**[10:48] Kinoko**
Wee, wee!
**[10:50] Alvin**
Don't want to be good at that!
**[10:52] Carla**
Now, let's go!
**[10:54] Carla**
To the unknown graveyard!
**[10:56] Alvin**
Wait! You're really going?!
**[10:58] Zobita**
Thanks for the help!
**[11:13] Carla**
W-Wait a minute!
**[11:17] Carla**
Wait a minute! Stop!
**[11:22] Carla**
Why are you running away?
**[11:27] Carla**
This fast zombie trend is
such a problem for me.
**[11:31] Alvin**
Hey, Carla. What in the world are you—
**[11:34] Alvin**
What is that in your hands?
**[11:36] Carla**
I call it the flame of salvation.
**[11:39] Carla**
It purges the souls of the dead with fire.
**[11:42] Carla**
It's the holy magic of Hell.
**[11:44] Alvin**
There is no holiness or salvation
in anything you're saying.
**[11:48] Alvin**
And have you forgotten that we came to
this graveyard for the necromancer?
**[11:52] Carla**
It's all right.
**[11:54] Carla**
If we start enough trouble,
she'll come to us eventually.
**[11:57] Maria**
Excuse me.
**[11:58] Maria**
I heard a bit of noise out here.
**[12:01] Maria**
Is something the matter?
**[12:03] Carla**
See? She came to us!
**[12:05] Alvin**
Wait... are you the necromancer?
**[12:09] Maria**
O-Oh, I beg your pardon!
**[12:11] Maria**
I do indeed work as a necromancer.
**[12:14] Maria**
My name is Maria Deathflame.
**[12:17] Maria**
It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance.
**[12:19] Alvin**
She's not exactly what I was expecting.
**[12:22] Carla**
She's totally ripping me off.
**[12:24] Alvin**
Only on the "Deathflame" part.
**[12:27] Alvin**
It's a pleasure to meet you.
**[12:29] Alvin**
I am Alvin.
**[12:30] Alvin**
This is Carla.
**[12:32] Maria**
Alvin-san and Carla-san.
**[12:34] Maria**
What lovely names!
**[12:36] Alvin**
Y-You think so?
**[12:38] Alvin**
You're making me blush...
**[12:39] Carla**
I think Alvin is a wonderful name, too!
**[12:42] Carla**
It's better than you deserve!
**[12:44] Alvin**
Oh, really? That pisses me off.
**[12:46] Maria**
What brings you two here?
**[12:49] Maria**
This is a forgotten graveyard, so I
doubt you're here to see a grave...
**[12:55] Carla**
We are here to see a grave, actually.
**[12:57] Carla**
Yours!
**[12:58] Alvin**
Just a moment, please!
**[13:00] Alvin**
Why are you threatening violence?
**[13:02] Alvin**
Are you trying to start a war?
**[13:04] Carla**
Zobita-san asked us to
get revenge, remember?
**[13:07] Alvin**
That's just him being petty!
**[13:09] Alvin**
Besides, we're currently trying
to convince him to reconsider!
**[13:13] Zobita**
Wait! The warrior is that weak?
**[13:16] Kinoko**
You'd have a better chance
in there than Alvin.
**[13:21] Kinoko**
So you should really just ditch
this whole revenge idea.
**[13:23] Zobita**
Fair enough.
**[13:25] Carla**
But a necromancer uses the dead!
It's blasphemy!
**[13:29] Carla**
We can't just leave her at large!
**[13:31] Alvin**
I don't want to hear that from someone who
blasphemes both the living and the dead.
**[13:34] Carla**
I know she looks beautiful,
**[13:37] Carla**
but she's evil inside!
**[13:39] Alvin**
What's that supposed to be,
your new introduction?
**[13:42] Carla**
L-Look!
**[13:43] Alvin**
And keep your voice down already!
**[13:46] Carla**
She's controlling all of those zombies!
**[13:49] Zombie A**
Maria-sama, hello!
**[13:51] Maria**
Hello!
**[13:52] Zombie C**
It's Maria-sama!
**[13:54] Zombie B**
Dance for us again, won't you?
**[13:56] Alvin**
It looks more like they
just really like her.
**[14:00] Carla**
I think she has blackmail material on them!
**[14:03] Alvin**
Why would she bother?
**[14:06] Carla**
It's what I'd do.
**[14:07] Alvin**
Maybe you should think about that!
**[14:08] Zombie A**
Hey!
**[14:09] Zombie A**
Are you guys badmouthing Maria-sama?
**[14:13] Alvin**
No, I...
**[14:15] Zombie B**
What's that?!
**[14:16] Zombie C**
Hey, she's the one who was
chasing us around earlier!
**[14:19] Zombie B**
And she's a healer, isn't she?!
**[14:21] Zombie B**
The enemy of undead everywhere!
**[14:22] Zombie A**
You're here to hurt Maria-sama, aren't you?!
**[14:25] Carla**
Hold on a minute.
**[14:26] Carla**
We can talk this out.
**[14:28] Alvin**
That's right!
**[14:29] Carla**
With our fists!
**[14:31] Alvin**
Just shut up already!
***SIGN*** Maria♥
**[14:35] Zombie C**
You've shown your true face!
**[14:37] Zombie A**
Malevolent healer!
**[14:38] Zombie B**
We won't let you lay one hand on Maria-sama!
**[14:41] Maria**
No fighting, everyone!
**[14:43] Maria**
And remember, Carla is a holy woman!
**[14:46] Maria**
There's no way you can beat her!
**[14:48] Zombie C**
Even if it's a bad match-up for us,
**[14:50] Zombie C**
we will protect Maria-sama!
**[14:53] Zombie A**
Get to safety while you can, Maria-sama!
**[14:55] Zombie B**
Bring it on!
**[14:56] Alvin**
They're totally making us the villains here.
**[14:59] Carla**
They're like knights
protecting their princess.
**[15:02] Zombie C**
We won't run this time!
**[15:04] Zombie B**
You won't beat us!
**[15:07] Carla**
Fighting to protect someone
important to you...
**[15:10] Carla**
It's pretty cool.
**[15:12] Alvin**
It is cool.
**[15:14] Carla**
Alvin-san.
**[15:15] Carla**
You have someone you could protect, too.
**[15:17] Alvin**
Right, got it covered.
**[15:22] Carla**
So...?
**[15:23] Alvin**
Shut up!
**[15:25] Alvin**
Fine, I'll play along.
**[15:30] Alvin**
I'm technically a frontline fighter, too!
**[15:33] Alvin**
I won't let you harm Carla!
**[15:36] Alvin**
Is that what you wanted?
**[15:37] Carla**
Alvin-san!
**[15:41] Carla**
I don't think you can win, though.
**[15:43] Carla**
Is this a joke?
**[15:47] Alvin**
Okay!
**[15:52] Carla**
Is he trying to get himself killed?
**[15:59] Alvin**
Now, bring it!
**[16:02] Carla**
Traitor! How dare you?!
**[16:04] Alvin**
Shut up! Stupid, stupid, stupid!
**[16:21] Alvin**
Damn it! Let me out!
**[16:25] Carla**
Goodness me.
**[16:26] Carla**
Struggling won't get you anywhere.
**[16:28] Carla**
Conserve your strength.
**[16:31] Carla**
It's your own fault for
betraying me back there.
**[16:36] Alvin**
And, speaking of which...
**[16:38] Alvin**
Why am I the only one in here?!
**[16:41] Carla**
Because I'm the one who arrested you.
**[16:44] Carla**
Why would the person doing the
arresting up in the jail?
**[16:47] (Flashback) Alvin**
Uncle! Uncle!
**[16:49] (Flashback) Carla**
I've captured the traitor!
**[16:51] (Flashback) Carla**
Throw him in jail!
**[16:52] Carla**
But thanks to you, we avoided a fight,
**[16:55] Carla**
and nobody got hurt!
**[16:57] Alvin**
Except for my pride, which is in tatters.
**[17:00] Carla**
Oh, goodness!
**[17:02] Carla**
Maybe you'd be better off without it?
**[17:03] Alvin**
Hey!
**[17:05] Carla**
At any rate, the zombies are currently
discussing what to do with you.
**[17:10] Carla**
Once they realize you're worthless,
they'll release you.
**[17:13] Alvin**
Phrasing, please!
**[17:17] Alvin**
Maria-san?
**[17:19] Maria**
I'm sorry, you two.
**[17:21] Maria**
I didn't mean for this to happen.
**[17:23] Alvin**
Really, there's no need
for you to apologize!
**[17:26] Carla**
That's right.
**[17:27] Carla**
Just be more careful in
the future, all right?
**[17:30] Alvin**
You should be careful *all* the time!
**[17:32] Maria**
I'm sorry.
**[17:33] Maria**
But I...
**[17:35] Maria**
They had a discussion earlier,
and they're considering...
**[17:38] Maria**
"That warrior... maybe we should
turn him into a zombie."
**[17:44] Alvin**
Hang on! Are you saying
they're going to kill me?
**[17:47] Carla**
But he's already in jail! That's dead
as far as society is concerned!
**[17:50] Alvin**
I'm not dead!
**[17:51] Alvin**
And *you're* the one who threw me in here!
**[17:53] Maria**
They all appear to want to
make new zombies for my sake.
**[17:59] Maria**
But I don't think it's right to make
someone a zombie without their consent.
**[18:03] Maria**
So I brought the key to the cell.
**[18:05] Maria**
I want you to escape!
**[18:06] Alvin**
You're sure?
**[18:08] Maria**
I haven't told the zombies.
**[18:12] Maria**
This will be our little secret.
**[18:14] Alvin**
What an angel!
**[18:16] Carla**
You called?
**[18:17] Alvin**
Not you!
**[18:18] Carla**
Wait just a minute.
**[18:20] Carla**
As Alvin-san's companion,
it is *my* duty to save him.
**[18:24] Alvin**
You're the reason I'm in here!
**[18:27] Alvin**
And you don't even have the key!
**[18:29] Carla**
I do have an unlock spell!
**[18:32] Carla**
It works by blowing up the lock!
**[18:34] Alvin**
What are you, a saboteur?!
**[18:36] Carla**
This is a good opportunity.
**[18:38] Carla**
Let's compete to see who
can save Alvin-san first!
**[18:42] Carla**
Against a necromancer of darkness,
**[18:44] Carla**
a healer of light could not possibly lose!
**[18:47] Alvin**
You got the darkness and light backwards.
**[18:50] Alvin**
But all Maria-san has to do
is unlock the door, so...
**[18:54] Maria**
Except...
**[18:55] Maria**
I'm not sure which key it is now!
**[18:58] Alvin**
So many!
**[18:59] Maria**
What will I do?!
**[19:00] Alvin**
N-No problem!
**[19:02] Alvin**
Just remain calm and try them one at a time!
**[19:04] Carla**
That's right.
**[19:05] Carla**
Just stay calm and go slow.
**[19:07] Carla**
I'll enjoy my final conversation
with Alvin-san the same way.
**[19:11] Carla**
This was a competition
to *save me, wasn't it?!*
**[19:13] Carla**
Let me recite my chant.
**[19:15] Maria**
Let me see... Let me see...
**[19:19] Maria**
This one doesn't fit, either...
**[19:22] Alvin**
You're doing fine.
**[19:23] Alvin**
Just try the next key!
**[19:26] Carla**
Ten...
**[19:29] Carla**
Nine...
**[19:32] Alvin**
Eh?
**[19:32] Carla**
Eight...
**[19:33] Alvin**
Maria-san, I think you
tried that one already!
**[19:35] Carla**
Seven...
**[19:35] Maria**
What? What?
**[19:38] Maria**
Which is it? Which is it?!
**[19:38] Carla**
Four...
**[19:39] Alvin**
Why did you skip a number?!
**[19:41] Alvin**
Stop the countdown!
**[19:42] Carla**
Three...
**[19:45] Maria**
Th-The pressure is...
**[19:45] Carla**
Two...
**[19:48] Alvin**
Are you all right?
**[19:48] Carla**
One...
**[19:50] Maria**
I'm sorry.
**[19:51] Maria**
I'm sorry!
**[19:53] Maria**
I'm sorry...
**[19:55] Maria**
Let me see...
**[19:56] Maria**
I'm sorry.
**[19:59] Maria**
Um... Um...
**[20:01] Carla**
I can't watch this.
**[20:03] Maria**
Carla-san, what about your chant?
**[20:05] Carla**
Never mind that.
**[20:07] Carla**
Let's start by eliminating the keys
that obviously won't fit the hole.
**[20:12] Maria**
R-Right.
**[20:13] Carla**
Is this even a key?
**[20:15] Carla**
You really should put
labels on these things.
**[20:19] Carla**
Or maybe split them up based on purpose.
**[20:22] Maria**
Yes, you're right.
**[20:23] Maria**
I'll start doing that from now on.
**[20:25] Carla**
Watching you has made me think.
**[20:27] Carla**
You're actually rather hopeless, aren't you?
**[20:32] Carla**
What's so funny?
**[20:34] Maria**
Oh, I'm sorry.
**[20:36] Maria**
I was thinking,
you're kinder than you seemed.
**[20:54] Carla**
Thank you.
**[21:06] Alvin**
Hang on a minute.
**[21:07] Alvin**
Carla, kind?
**[21:10] Alvin**
Yeah, right. Don't make me laugh!
**[21:12] Alvin**
Kind? More like bizarre!
**[21:25] Alvin**
Uh, what just happened?
**[21:28] Maria**
Stay over tonight, would you?
**[21:30] Carla**
If it comes with food, sure.
**[21:34] Alvin**
H-Hang on, you two!
**[21:36] Alvin**
You haven't unlocked the door yet!
**[21:39] Alvin**
Why?!
**[21:40] Alvin**
Hey!
**[21:43] Alvin**
Hey!
**[21:45] Alvin**
Hey...
**[21:47] Alvin**
Unlock the—
***SIGN*** Next Time
**[23:26] Maria**
Are you sure you want me doing the preview?
**[23:29] Maria**
As you know, I work as a necromancer,
**[23:33] Maria**
and my name is Maria Deathflame.
**[23:34] Maria**
I'll be introducing the next episode now.
**[23:36] Maria**
I hope you please watch it!
***SIGN*** See you then!
***SIGN*** "Thanks to Altargaia (reminder: this is the mushroom's name),
Alvin gets out of the cell safe and sound but now that Carla and
Maria are unexpectedly getting along they continue leading him
around by the nose and it happens that Maria has a sweet little
sister named Ellie and while avoiding spoilers regarding
what trouble Ellie's gotten into it does concern Maria's status
as a necromancer but I hope you won't get your hopes up for
another cute female character to appear but in exchange
Carla will attempt an unusual cosplay so that's the part you can
look forward to and that's the deal with episode 8."
**[23:37] Maria**
Now! Next week's title is—
# E8 - Thanks to Altargaia (reminder: this is the mushroom's name)...
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GD9UVPVKJ/thanks-to-altargaia-reminder-this-is-the-mushrooms-name)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:02] Alvin**
Monsters threaten human life.
**[00:05] Alvin**
They are opposed by brave adventurers!
**[00:10] Alvin**
And I, Alvin, am one of them!
**[00:15] Alvin**
Now in a party with Carla, the healer,
**[00:18] Alvin**
my journey continues!
***SIGN*** Don't Hurt Me,
***SIGN*** Don't Hurt Me,
***SIGN*** My Healer!
***SIGN*** Thanks to Altargaia (reminder: this is the mushroom's name)...
**[01:54] Alvin**
Hurry! We don't wanna
be turned into zombies!
**[02:03] Alvin**
Let's take a break.
**[02:05] Alvin**
Boy, what a mess.
**[02:08] Alvin**
But, seriously...
**[02:10] Alvin**
Thanks a lot for saving me.
**[02:12] Kinoko**
Hey, no problem!
**[02:14] Kinoko**
Oh, and I got this back for you.
**[02:17] Alvin**
Hey, thanks!
**[02:20] Kinoko**
But...
**[02:21] Kinoko**
I can't believe you're so weak
you can't even bend iron bars.
**[02:27] Alvin**
I think most humans can't, actually!
**[02:31] Alvin**
I think you're the one who's
way stronger than you look—
**[02:35] Kinoko**
Hey! Big Sis Carla!
**[02:40] Carla**
F-Fugitive!
**[02:42] Alvin**
Don't make it sound sordid!
**[02:44] Carla**
Just kidding. It's a joke.
**[02:46] Carla**
That must have been some
hard time you served.
**[02:48] Alvin**
Can you please not make it
sound like I'm an ex-con?
**[02:51] Maria**
Alvin-san!
**[02:52] Maria**
Carla-chan convinced the zombies
not to turn you into one of them!
**[02:57] Alvin**
*You* did?
**[02:59] Carla**
P-Please, don't get the wrong idea...
**[03:01] Carla**
I merely explained that it would
do them more harm than good.
**[03:07] Carla**
There's no need to thank me.
**[03:08] Alvin**
That must have been a very rousing speech.
**[03:12] Alvin**
By the way, I've been wondering...
**[03:14] Alvin**
What is that?
**[03:18] Carla**
Oh, that?
**[03:19] Carla**
It's a magic circle designed to bring
back the soul of Maria-san's sister.
**[03:23] Alvin**
Her sister's soul?
**[03:25] Alvin**
Are you saying she's... your
sister is... you know...
**[03:30] Maria**
It's all right to ask.
**[03:32] Maria**
My sister was very foolish.
**[03:46] Maria**
She was a girl who loved
to invent new games.
**[03:49] Maria**
I never thought...
**[03:51] Maria**
I never thought she'd try an astral projection
game and end up a wandering spirit!
**[03:55] Alvin**
That is an unusual story.
**[03:57] Kinoko**
So you've been wandering graveyards
looking for your sister's soul?
**[04:02] Kinoko**
Cemeteries do tend to
attract them, after all.
**[04:05] Kinoko**
If her soul were in the land of the
dead, I could call it back, but...
**[04:08] Kinoko**
For better or for worse,
it appears to still be wandering.
**[04:14] Carla**
And that's when the all-purpose healer
who can also use summoning magic
**[04:17] Carla**
enters the picture!
**[04:19] Alvin**
Too bad you're worthless as a healer!
**[04:21] Alvin**
So, are you saying you can do it?
**[04:23] Carla**
A foolish question! As expected!
**[04:24] Carla**
For me, it's a greasy steak!
**[04:27] Alvin**
You mean piece of cake?
**[04:28] Carla**
Easy as delta!
**[04:30] Alvin**
You mean easy as *pie*?
**[04:31] Carla**
But I can't do it all on my own.
**[04:34] Carla**
So please, Maria-san, take my hand.
**[04:37] Maria**
Your hand?
**[04:38] Carla**
Yes.
**[04:40] Carla**
Now think hard about your sister.
**[04:44] Carla**
I will infuse those thoughts
with magic power,
**[04:46] Carla**
and channel them into the circle.
**[04:48] Carla**
If all goes well, your sister
will be drawn to your thoughts,
**[04:51] Carla**
and I'll be able to summon her.
**[04:54] Carla**
And then, Alvin-san...
**[04:55] Alvin**
Oh? Is there some way I can help?!
**[04:57] Carla**
Please stand there and watch attentively!
**[05:00] Alvin**
Did I need to hear that?
**[05:03] Carla**
Let us begin, Maria-san!
**[05:06] Ria**
Yes!
**[05:17] Alvin**
It's very quiet.
**[05:20] Alvin**
It's getting cloudy?
**[05:24] Kinoko**
Alvin...
**[05:25] Kinoko**
Look!
**[05:26] Alvin**
What?
**[05:43] Alvin**
Hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it!
**[05:44] Alvin**
Carla, stop! Open your eyes!
**[05:46] Alvin**
Stop!
**[05:48] Carla**
What is it? I'm trying to focus!
**[05:50] Alvin**
This is really not the time!
**[05:52] Alvin**
That thing looks freaky!
**[05:54] Alvin**
You called up a freaky thing!
**[05:55] Carla**
What are you so upset about?
**[06:12] Carla**
What is that?
**[06:13] Alvin**
That's what I was asking!
**[06:18] Carla**
Maria-san!
**[06:19] Alvin**
Get hold of your senses!
**[06:20] Alvin**
I'm afraid it was a failure!
**[06:22] Alvin**
No time for the spell!
We need to get out of here!
**[06:24] Maria**
Ellie!
**[06:27] Maria**
I finally found you!
**[06:30] Ellie**
Sister?
**[06:34] Alvin**
That's your sister?!
**[06:43] Carla**
Mwa ha ha!
**[06:46] Carla**
I have possessed the body of
this beautiful young girl!
**[06:49] Maria**
B-But not for long!
**[06:52] Maria**
Holy Beam!
**[06:53] Carla**
Ugh!
**[06:57] Carla**
Erk... Oh, the pain!
**[07:01] Alvin**
Uh. What in the world are you doing?
**[07:03] Maria**
Um, now...
**[07:06] Maria**
Release Carla-chan's body
now, filthy specter!
**[07:11] Alvin**
Seriously, what are you doing?
**[07:13] Alvin**
Are you listening?
**[07:18] Alvin**
Seriously, what the hell are you doing?!
**[07:20] Maria**
I'm sorry.
**[07:21] Maria**
Ellie really wanted to play this game
while she was still a disembodied soul.
**[07:26] Alvin**
This is one heck of an avant-garde game!
**[07:30] Maria**
I played the righteous healer.
**[07:33] Maria**
Carla-chan played the necromancer
possessed by the evil spirit.
**[07:37] Maria**
And Ellie was playing
the evil spirit itself!
**[07:39] Alvin**
That casting seems pretty spot-on.
**[07:41] Ellie**
Are you saying I look like an evil spirit?!
**[07:44] Alvin**
O-Of course not!
It's just a figure of speech!
**[07:47] Alvin**
Please don't kill me!
**[07:49] Carla**
And it's odd to call me
a necromancer, isn't it?
**[07:53] Carla**
Isn't it?
**[07:53] Alvin**
I think it's perfect casting, personally!
***SIGN*** Perfect
***SIGN*** Perfect
**[07:56] Maria**
Now, Ellie.
**[07:57] Maria**
If you're satisfied,
won't you return to your body?
**[07:59] Ellie**
Yes!
**[08:00] Alvin**
Speaking of which, where is
your little sister's body?
**[08:03] Maria**
Oh, I left it back there.
**[08:06] Maria**
I'll bring it now.
**[08:08] Alvin**
She's been carrying her little
sister's body all around with her?
**[08:11] Ellie**
A body without a soul will rot if you don't cast
anti-putrefaction spells on it from time to time!
**[08:16] Alvin**
I see!
**[08:18] Maria**
Here we are!
**[08:21] Alvin**
She's carrying her!
**[08:22] Alvin**
And it's a really bad look!
**[08:26] Alvin**
You've been carrying her
around just like that?
**[08:29] Maria**
Ellie's a little girl. She's easy to carry.
**[08:31] Alvin**
That's not what I meant!
**[08:33] Ellie**
It's been so long!
**[08:35] Carla**
Wow. So this is Ellie-san's body?
**[08:42] Alvin**
Who's that?
**[08:43] Carla**
It's Ellie-san, of course!
**[08:45] Ellie**
Yeah, me!
**[08:46] Alvin**
They don't look anything alike!
**[08:49] Maria**
The soul's appearance reflects
a person's mental state,
**[08:52] Maria**
so there may be a slight difference.
**[08:55] Alvin**
That doesn't fit any definition
of "slight" that I know of.
**[08:58] Ellie**
Okay, I'm heading back in!
**[09:17] Alvin**
Hey! Is she in pain?!
**[09:20] Maria**
Ellie!
**[09:21] Carla**
Goodness! It's because she dived
back in without stretching first!
**[09:25] Alvin**
I don't think that's it!
**[09:27] Carla**
Get back, both of you!
**[09:28] Carla**
Leave this to me!
**[09:32] Carla**
I'll cast a sedation spell!
**[09:35] Alvin**
Brute force!
**[09:36] Carla**
There. She seems to have calmed down.
**[09:39] Alvin**
Because you put her down! With brute force!
**[09:43] Maria**
Ellie, wake up!
**[09:49] Maria**
Ellie!
**[09:51] Ellie**
What? Am I back in my body?
**[09:55] Maria**
Yes. You're all back to normal!
**[09:57] Carla**
Good grief. Well, you seem
to be completely recovered.
**[10:01] Ellie**
Big Sis Carla, you saved me!
**[10:03] Ellie**
Though it did hurt for
a minute back there...
**[10:09] Ellie**
But I'm back in my body!
**[10:12] Alvin**
I guess it averaged out?
**[10:19] Maria**
I suppose we'll be on our way.
**[10:22] Maria**
Thank you for everything.
**[10:24] Ellie**
Thank you, Big Sis Carla!
**[10:28] Carla**
Under normal circumstances, I couldn't
allow a necromancer to remain at large...
**[10:31] Carla**
but I suppose I'll let you go, this time.
**[10:34] Maria**
Thank you very much.
**[10:37] Carla**
But next time, I play the healer, okay?
**[10:41] Maria**
Right!
**[10:56] Maria**
Now, let's return to our village.
**[10:59] Ellie**
Right!
**[11:00] Maria**
Oh, right...
**[11:01] Maria**
I should really say goodbye
to the zombies first.
**[11:04] Ellie**
Goodbye!
**[11:07] Ellie**
Come by our village any time!
**[11:09] Ellie**
I'd love to play again sometime!
**[11:21] Alvin**
Looks like they're gone.
**[11:27] Alvin**
It's not really worth crying over, is it?
**[11:29] Carla**
But...
**[11:30] Alvin**
Come on. Making friends is
a good thing, isn't it?
**[11:34] Alvin**
So don't cry! Cheer up!
**[11:37] Carla**
Yes. That's right.
**[11:40] Carla**
I did make friends, didn't I?
**[11:45] Carla**
Friends that you don't have.
**[11:47] Alvin**
Fine, cry!
**[11:59] Alvin**
Maria-san was such a nice person.
**[12:02] Alvin**
So elegant, and with such a kind smile...
**[12:05] Alvin**
Is that what they call a
rejuvenating personality?
**[12:08] Alvin**
That's right.
**[12:11] Alvin**
Well, Carla?
**[12:15] Alvin**
Is that what they call a
rejuvenating personality?
**[12:18] Carla**
Why did you say it twice?!
**[12:20] Alvin**
I could say it more times than that!
**[12:21] Alvin**
Is that what they call a
rejuvenating personality?!
**[12:22] Carla**
Enough! I get the point!
**[12:25] Carla**
I completely understand
what you're trying to say!
**[12:28] Carla**
Good grief.
**[12:29] Carla**
Are you saying you've had enough
of her amateur rejuvenation,
**[12:33] Carla**
and you're ready to turn to a professional?!
**[12:37] Alvin**
I've never seen anyone
so lacking in telepathy.
**[12:40] Carla**
But very well.
**[12:42] Carla**
You do seem to have built
up a lot of stress.
**[12:47] Carla**
I'll use a variety of mental care
techniques to reset that for you.
**[12:51] Carla**
Cool, huh?
**[12:52] Alvin**
I doubt it.
**[12:53] Alvin**
I'm still in the process
of *building up* stress.
**[12:56] Carla**
What kind of things do
you find rejuvenating?
**[12:59] Alvin**
You could shut up, for a start!
**[13:07] Carla**
You mean...
**[13:09] Carla**
All you need is me, silently, by your side?!
**[13:15] Alvin**
How'd you manage to spin that one?
**[13:17] Carla**
Th-This is all really quite sudden...
**[13:20] Carla**
Honestly, I can't believe you
resorted to such a cliché!
**[13:23] Alvin**
I didn't say it!
**[13:25] Carla**
Oh, goodness gracious...
**[13:27] Carla**
Such a proposal is...
**[13:30] Carla**
Disgusting. I might vomit.
**[13:33] Alvin**
I might get mad.
**[13:35] Carla**
I feel better now.
**[13:36] Carla**
I managed to hold it in.
**[13:38] Carla**
Safe!
**[13:40] Alvin**
I see. I managed to hold it in, too.
**[13:43] Carla**
But if you consider my mere
presence rejuvenating,
**[13:45] Carla**
then how did you end up with so much stress?
**[13:48] Carla**
It's an unsolvable mystery.
**[13:50] Alvin**
Solve it!
**[13:52] Kinoko**
Maybe he's built up a
tolerance through exposure.
**[13:55] Alvin**
Yeah, like acquiring
resistance to a toxin...
**[13:59] Alvin**
Wait, are you still here?
**[14:01] Carla**
In other words, we've lost our spark!
**[14:05] Carla**
In that case...
**[14:08] Carla**
Hey, hey! Big Brother Alvin!
**[14:11] Carla**
Kyapi!
**[14:12] Carla**
Cawwa is hunggy!
**[14:15] Carla**
Kyapi!
**[14:16] Carla**
Pwease buy samwiches and miwk wight away!
**[14:19] Carla**
Kyapi!
**[14:20] Alvin**
I'm gonna punch that speech
tic right out of you!
**[14:22] Carla**
What, that wasn't rejuvenating?
**[14:24] Carla**
I was was going for the
"needy little sister" archetype.
**[14:26] Alvin**
That's an insult to little
sisters everywhere!
**[14:29] Alvin**
And your performance of
it was absolute trash.
**[14:32] Carla**
And of course, you're not the right
age to be an older brother...
**[14:38] Alvin**
Yes, but that's not the point!
**[14:40] Carla**
Good grief.
**[14:41] Carla**
I'll just have to bust
out my ace in the hole.
**[14:45] Alvin**
Am I still trapped in this circle of hell?
**[14:47] Carla**
Fetch *that!*
**[14:49] Kinoko**
Got it!
**[14:50] Carla**
Wait over there while I
get ready, Alvin-san.
**[14:55] Alvin**
Yeah, yeah.
**[14:56] Alvin**
I'll keep playing along.
**[15:03] Carla**
I'm ready!
**[15:07] Carla**
Meow!
**[15:09] Carla**
What do you think? Meow!
**[15:11] Carla**
Cats represent true rejuvenation of spirit!
**[15:13] Carla**
Cat girls even more so!
**[15:14] Carla**
Meow!
**[15:16] Carla**
And as healers like me are
synonymous with rejuvenation,
**[15:20] Carla**
combined, our effect is a hundred fold!
**[15:22] Carla**
Meow!
***SIGN*** Meooow
**[15:22] Carla**
Meooow!
**[15:26] Carla**
Triumph!
**[15:29] Carla**
And the "Meow" speech tic increases
the healing further, meow!
**[15:33] Alvin**
Where the world did you get that thing?
**[15:36] Alvin**
In fact...
**[15:37] Alvin**
Don't you feel embarrassed
to be dressed up like that?
**[15:40] Alvin**
But, well, if that's how
you're comfortable...
**[15:49] Carla**
What in the world are you making me wear?!
**[15:51] Carla**
Damn you!
**[15:53] Alvin**
You put it on yourself!
**[16:04] Alvin**
What is it?
**[16:06] Carla**
Regarding you, Alvin-san...
**[16:09] Alvin**
Me?
**[16:10] Alvin**
Are you about to insult me?
**[16:11] Carla**
No...
**[16:13] Carla**
Earlier, I proved that I was a
rejuvenating archetype, but...
**[16:18] Alvin**
Actually, you're the only
one who thinks that.
**[16:20] Carla**
But although you're mostly useless, I've been
trying to think on your positive qualities...
**[16:26] Carla**
And I've been struggling
to think of anything.
**[16:28] Alvin**
Yep, there's the insult.
**[16:30] Alvin**
So? Have you figured out
my positive qualities?
**[16:34] Carla**
First!
**[16:35] Carla**
Tell me *my* positive qualities!
**[16:39] Alvin**
Why, though?
**[16:40] Carla**
And if you say "none,"
then, as punishment...
**[16:43] Carla**
I will list out your negative qualities!
**[16:46] Carla**
Twenty-four hours a day.
**[16:48] Alvin**
Twenty-four hours a day?!
**[16:49] Alvin**
But, seriously...
**[16:51] Alvin**
The only thing you have going
for you is your looks—
**[16:55] Carla**
What did you just say?!
**[16:56] Alvin**
W-Well... it's true.
**[16:58] Carla**
Say it louder! Go on!
**[17:01] Alvin**
You're more desperate than I thought.
**[17:03] Alvin**
Okay, it's your turn.
**[17:05] Alvin**
Go on, say it!
**[17:07] Alvin**
My positive qualities!
**[17:13] Alvin**
What?
**[17:14] Alvin**
And you'd better not say "None"!
**[17:16] Alvin**
Well?
**[17:17] Alvin**
Go on!
**[17:19] Alvin**
Are you ignoring me?
**[17:21] Carla**
You're so desperate it's pathetic.
**[17:24] Carla**
I can't stand to watch.
**[17:26] Alvin**
Just say something!
**[17:27] Carla**
Well, then...
**[17:28] Carla**
I would say my answer is the same.
**[17:31] Alvin**
What? You think my looks are—
**[17:35] Carla**
Yes, that's something I
really like about you.
**[17:39] Carla**
It's very considerate,
the way you hide them from view!
**[17:41] Alvin**
That's an freakin' insult!
**[17:45] Kinoko**
I never get bored around you two!
***SIGN*** Depressed
**[18:04] Carla**
What's the matter, Alvin-san?
**[18:07] Alvin**
I lost my sword.
**[18:10] Carla**
Oh, gosh...
**[18:12] Alvin**
Don't sit on me!
**[18:15] Carla**
You weren't inviting me to have a seat?
**[18:18] Alvin**
Of course not! I'm depressed!
**[18:21] Carla**
What a waste of a sit.
**[18:25] Carla**
And up I go.
**[18:26] Alvin**
You little...
**[18:28] Carla**
Do you remember where you last had it?
**[18:33] Alvin**
I know I had it when we said goodbye
to Maria-san and her sister...
**[18:38] Carla**
But you do barely use that sword...
**[18:42] Carla**
Maybe just let it go?
**[18:43] Alvin**
H-Hey!
**[18:44] Alvin**
I *do* use it, sometimes!
**[18:46] Alvin**
A sword is like a warrior's soul!
**[18:49] Carla**
Really?
**[18:50] Carla**
It's kind of impressive that you
lost something so important...
**[18:53] Carla**
Is it your special skill?
**[18:55] Alvin**
Damn it! I set her up for that one!
***SIGN*** Severely Depressed
**[19:01] Alvin**
Maybe I'll just buy a new one...
**[19:04] Carla**
Don't do that!
**[19:05] Carla**
It's a waste!
**[19:07] Alvin**
A waste of money?
**[19:09] Alvin**
Or are you saying a sword is wasted on me?
**[19:13] Carla**
Both.
**[19:14] Alvin**
Yeah, figured!
**[19:16] Carla**
I know!
**[19:17] Carla**
I have a great idea!
**[19:23] Carla**
Ta-da!
**[19:25] Alvin**
A crystal ball?
**[19:26] Carla**
Yes.
**[19:28] Carla**
It will show us where you lost the sword.
**[19:32] Alvin**
What, you can do divination now?
**[19:35] Carla**
Such a foolish question. Typical Alvin-san.
***SIGN*** Foolish Question
***SIGN*** Foolish Question
**[19:40] Carla**
I've seen people do it!
**[19:41] sign**
Foolish Answer
**[19:41] sign**
Foolish Answer
**[19:41] Alvin**
Don't respond with a foolish answer!
**[19:46] Carla**
Just watch.
**[19:48] Carla**
O, crystal ball!
**[19:50] Carla**
Reveal to me the location
of Alvin-san's lost sword!
**[20:06] Carla**
Hur! Ry! Up!
**[20:09] Alvin**
Don't rush it!
**[20:11] Carla**
But Alvin-san!
**[20:13] Carla**
This stupid jerk won't do what I tell it!
**[20:15] Alvin**
Don't call it a jerk!
**[20:18] Alvin**
And just because you've seen people do
it doesn't mean you can do it yourself!
**[20:21] Alvin**
Seriously, give it up.
**[20:27] Carla**
I know!
**[20:29] Carla**
I think I'm using it wrong!
**[20:36] Carla**
This is it!
**[20:41] Alvin**
What are you doing?!
**[20:42] Carla**
Go!
**[20:43] Alvin**
I'm not gonna fetch it!
What am I, a dog?!
**[20:46] Kinoko**
Woof!
**[20:47] Carla**
Hey, I never said you were
all bark and no bite!
**[20:52] Alvin**
Neither did I!
**[20:53] Alvin**
Don't throw the thing away just
because you couldn't use it!
**[20:57] Carla**
Th-That's not what I did!
What a silly accusation.
**[21:00] Carla**
Do you know where the
crystal ball came down?
**[21:03] Alvin**
How should I know?
**[21:06] Alvin**
Over there somewhere...
**[21:08] Carla**
Good grief. You're just hopeless.
**[21:11] Carla**
A hint!
**[21:12] Carla**
Where is the thing you lost?
**[21:16] Alvin**
Are you saying the crystal ball came
down in the place I lost my sword?!
**[21:19] Carla**
Precisely!
**[21:21] Alvin**
What a load of crap!
**[21:24] Alvin**
I'm just gonna buy a new one...
**[21:37] Carla**
Are you sure that's what you want to do?
**[21:40] Alvin**
Yes.
**[21:42] Carla**
Then, help me find my crystal ball!
**[21:45] Carla**
That thing was really expensive!
**[21:47] Alvin**
Then, why did you throw it?!
***SIGN*** Next Time
**[23:25] Ellie**
Big Sis! Wasn't that fun?
**[23:27] Maria**
I'm so glad you got to
play your game, Ellie.
**[23:29] Ellie**
Yeah! And now I get to do the preview, too?
**[23:32] Maria**
That's right.
**[23:33] Maria**
But the episode title's very
long, so be very careful!
**[23:36] Ellie**
Yes, I'll do my be—
***SIGN*** "This episode features even more female guest characters hot on
the heels of Maria and Ellie and by the way even though
we jumble the order now and then we mostly follow the
source material but because the Medusa and Dryad episode
would let us get a few more rare female characters on-screen
we originally had the idea to put them in episode 2 or 3 to get
people more invested except putting them in episode 2 or 3
really would be a little too extravagant and kind of mess up the
flow so we decided against it and that's a fun little behind
the scenes anecdote but anyway now it's finally time
to reveal them and that's the deal with episode 9."
***SIGN*** See you then!
**[23:38] Ellie**
Wait, is this actually the title?!
# E9 - This episode features even more female guest characters hot on the heels...
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GQJUGPGJJ/this-episode-features-even-more-female-guest-characters-hot-on-the-heels)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:02] Alvin**
Monsters threaten human life.
**[00:05] Alvin**
They are opposed by brave adventurers!
**[00:10] Alvin**
And I, Alvin, am one of them!
**[00:15] Alvin**
Now in a party with Carla, the healer,
**[00:18] Alvin**
my journey continues!
***SIGN*** Don't Hurt Me,
***SIGN*** Don't Hurt Me,
***SIGN*** My Healer!
***SIGN*** This episode features even more female guest characters hot on the heels...
**[01:54] Alvin**
We found the crystal ball, but...
**[01:57] Alvin**
this sure isn't my sword.
**[02:00] Alvin**
Is it a goddess statue?
**[02:01] Carla**
It does appear that way.
**[02:03] Carla**
And my crystal ball is in pieces.
**[02:06] Alvin**
Looks like you hit it right in the head.
**[02:08] Alvin**
What are you going to do?
**[02:09] Alvin**
You think it's going to lead
to divine retribution?
**[02:11] Carla**
I could hardly be a holy woman if I
was afraid of divine retribution.
**[02:14] Alvin**
I think that's exactly something
a holy woman shouldn't say.
**[02:19] Alvin**
Who goes there?!
**[02:21] Carla**
A monster?
**[02:22] Medusa**
Were you the ones who broke my seal?
**[02:25] Alvin**
A seal?
**[02:27] Medusa**
You have my gratitude, truly...
**[02:29] Medusa**
I can at last resume my reign
of terror over humanity!
**[02:34] Alvin**
Wretched monster!
**[02:37] Alvin**
What now?!
**[02:38] Carla**
You heard what she said.
**[02:40] Carla**
Let's beat her!
**[02:41] Alvin**
It does seem like it would be in the
interest of keeping the peace...
**[02:43] Carla**
Actually, her hoity-toity
phrasing just pisses me off.
**[02:45] Alvin**
So it's all about you?!
**[02:47] Carla**
Yes.
**[02:47] Alvin**
But I don't have my sword!
**[02:50] Carla**
But look!
**[02:52] Carla**
She was sealed away in
that tiny little hole.
**[02:55] Carla**
She's probably small and weak!
**[02:57] Carla**
Just step on her and it's a done deal!
**[03:00] Alvin**
You think I can handle it?
**[03:01] Carla**
If it doesn't work,
I'll hit her with a tieshankao!
**[03:04] Alvin**
Great!
**[03:05] Alvin**
For the sake of world peace,
I will defeat you!
**[03:08] Alvin**
Show yourself!
**[03:09] Carla**
We'll give you a sock to
that smug mouth of yours!
**[03:12] Medusa**
Oh? Feeling suicidal, are we?
**[03:15] Carla**
She's over there, I think.
**[03:16] Alvin**
Right.
**[03:17] Medusa**
Excellent timing.
**[03:19] Medusa**
I need a little exercise to wake
me up after a long sleep...
**[03:22] Alvin**
We'll face you! Just show yourself!
**[03:25] Medusa**
How bold you are.
**[03:26] Medusa**
You truly believe you can defeat me?
**[03:29] Medusa**
Now, let us battle!
**[03:38] Alvin**
What the hell?!
**[03:39] Alvin**
She's not small at all!
**[03:41] Alvin**
What are you doing?
**[03:42] Carla**
Alvin-san, be careful!
**[03:44] Carla**
She's a Medusa!
**[03:46] Alvin**
M-Medusa?!
**[03:49] Carla**
If you look into her eyes,
she'll turn you to stone!
**[03:51] Alvin**
I know that!
**[03:53] Carla**
Listen to me! You must not look,
no matter what happens!
**[03:55] Alvin**
I said I know!
**[03:57] Carla**
You must not! Ever!
**[03:58] Carla**
Never, ever, ever!
**[04:00] Alvin**
Stop saying that!
**[04:08] Carla**
Seriously, don't do it, okay?
**[04:11] Alvin**
Glance!
**[04:12] Medusa**
You looked!
**[04:13] Medusa**
Shu-wah!
**[04:14] Alvin**
Oh, cra—
**[04:21] Carla**
Alvin-san!
**[04:23] Medusa**
Wow, how stupid is he?
**[04:26] Carla**
It's all my fault...
**[04:28] Medusa**
I'm not sure I'd say that.
**[04:29] Medusa**
I would say it's his fault.
**[04:31] Carla**
No, I should've realized
that if I kept warning him,
**[04:35] Carla**
he'd assume it was a joke setup,
and end up looking!
**[04:40] Medusa**
The way your mind works is a mystery to me.
**[04:43] Medusa**
But never you mind!
**[04:45] Medusa**
I'll get you, too!
**[04:47] Carla**
But look at you, Alvin-san!
This is just too on the nose.
**[04:51] Carla**
It breaks my heart.
**[04:53] Carla**
You look like one of those heavy stones—
**[04:55] Alvin**
I'm not a paperweight!
**[04:57] Carla**
I didn't call you a paperweight.
**[04:59] Alvin**
You were about t—
**[05:00] Carla**
Yes?
**[05:00] Alvin**
Just let me finish!
**[05:02] Medusa**
How...
**[05:03] Medusa**
How did you shake off my petrification?
**[05:05] Alvin**
Huh? Hey, good question!
**[05:07] Medusa**
Curse you!
**[05:08] Medusa**
One more time!
**[05:10] Alvin**
I won't make the same mistake twice!
**[05:12] Medusa**
Aw, c'mon! You gotta look at me!
**[05:14] Alvin**
What kind of idiot would look,
knowing it would turn him to stone?!
**[05:16] Voice**
Alvin-san!
**[05:19] Medusa**
Look! You have to look!
**[05:24] Carla**
Alvin-san, you made her cry!
**[05:26] Carla**
You big meanie!
**[05:29] Alvin**
You really don't have to cry—
**[05:30] Medusa**
Fool! Shu-wah!
**[05:32] Carla**
Alvin-san!
**[05:33] Carla**
Goodness me...
**[05:34] Medusa**
Did I getcha this time?!
**[05:36] Carla**
What's wrong with you?
**[05:37] Carla**
Come on...
**[05:38] Carla**
Just shake off the petrification
like last time!
**[05:41] Carla**
Just do it again!
**[05:43] Carla**
You know, the "pop" thing!
**[05:45] Carla**
C'mon, please!
**[05:48] Carla**
Please? Please?
**[05:50] Carla**
Alvin-san!
**[05:52] Alvin**
Quit enjoying this!
**[05:54] Medusa**
Yikes!
**[05:55] Medusa**
For real, what's going on here?!
**[05:57] Medusa**
Why? Why won't it work?
**[06:00] Medusa**
My specialty... My identity...
**[06:04] Alvin**
More crocodile tears, huh?
**[06:05] Alvin**
But I won't be fooled again!
**[06:09] Carla**
It's painful for anyone to have
their identity denied to them.
**[06:15] Carla**
Just like Alvin-san...
**[06:16] Carla**
You wouldn't have anything left if
you took off that armor, right?
**[06:19] Alvin**
Uh, I'd still have my body!
**[06:21] Carla**
Medusa-san.
**[06:22] Carla**
You can't let a small setback
like this get you down.
**[06:25] Carla**
You've just been sealed away so long,
you haven't recovered all your power yet.
**[06:30] Medusa**
Really?
**[06:32] Carla**
Yes, really.
**[06:33] Carla**
Come on. Chin up!
Take pride in yourself!
**[06:37] Carla**
You are a Medusa, a legendary monster!
**[06:41] Alvin**
The way this is going...
**[06:46] Medusa**
That's right...
**[06:48] Medusa**
You're exactly right.
**[06:51] Medusa**
I'll keep trying!
**[06:53] Medusa**
Shu-wah!
**[06:54] Alvin**
*Yeah, knew it!*
**[07:00] Carla**
Wow.
**[07:01] Carla**
So you can't do the petrification
without the "shu-wah," huh?
**[07:05] Medusa**
Yeah.
**[07:06] Medusa**
I wouldn't have much of a social life
**[07:08] Medusa**
if I could petrify people just
by looking at them, right?
**[07:10] Alvin**
You have a social life?
**[07:12] Carla**
Like this?
**[07:13] Medusa**
More like jazz hands.
**[07:14] Alvin**
They're actually getting along.
**[07:19] Carla**
Alvin-san!
**[07:20] Alvin**
What the heck?!
**[07:22] Dryad**
I thought I sensed an evil presence here.
**[07:26] Medusa**
Tch!
**[07:27] Medusa**
You're the woodland spirit...
**[07:29] Medusa**
Dryad!
**[07:33] Dryad**
I knew it would be you, Medusa!
**[07:36] Dryad**
I am this forest's guardian.
**[07:39] Dryad**
Human, releasing the Medusa
is a terribly grave crime.
**[07:44] Alvin**
Hang on a minute!
**[07:45] Alvin**
I'm not the one who released the seal—
**[07:46] Carla**
Excuses, excuses!
**[07:48] Alvin**
Stay out of this, true culprit!
**[07:50] Dryad**
I found this near the destroyed statue.
**[07:54] Dryad**
Does it belong to you two?
**[07:55] Carla**
My crystal ball!
**[07:57] Alvin**
She admits it!
**[07:58] Carla**
Pay me back for that!
**[08:00] Carla**
Harrumph!
**[08:01] Alvin**
You're going to *sue* a monster?
**[08:03] Dryad**
I see.
**[08:04] Dryad**
So you destroyed the statue seal.
**[08:07] Dryad**
Are you aware of what you've done?
**[08:10] Carla**
Have I done something again?
**[08:13] Dryad**
Long ago, Medusa terrorized
countless towns and villages.
**[08:20] Dryad**
You have unleashed a truly
terrifying monster!
**[08:25] Carla**
Wow, sounds like you had quite a career!
**[08:28] Medusa**
Ah, it's easy when you're young.
**[08:30] Alvin**
Seems like you've softened up since then.
**[08:33] Dryad**
It does appear she's lost
a great deal of power.
**[08:38] Dryad**
Which means this is my best chance.
**[08:40] Dryad**
I entreat you to take responsibility
and defeat Medusa!
**[08:46] Alvin**
She means *you*!
**[08:47] Alvin**
Don't look at me!
**[08:48] Carla**
At least release Alvin-san first!
**[08:52] Carla**
It's so hard to see him like this.
**[08:53] Alvin**
Carla...
**[08:54] Dryad**
Oh?
**[08:56] Dryad**
It pains you to see a comrade in
a humiliating position, you mean?
**[09:01] Dryad**
But if you want him freed,
defeat Medusa first.
**[09:03] Carla**
Oh, good grief.
**[09:05] Carla**
You've misunderstood me.
**[09:07] Carla**
What I mean is, no one wants to see a
thirty-something man engaged in bondage!
**[09:12] Alvin**
Don't call it bondage!
**[09:14] Alvin**
Now I'm even more embarrassed!
**[09:15] Carla**
Such things are the exclusive purview
of beautiful maidens such as myself.
**[09:19] Alvin**
Feel free to swap in, then!
We'd all like to see it!
**[09:22] Carla**
Busted for sexual harassment!
**[09:24] Dryad**
Are you mocking me?
**[09:25] Alvin**
Look, you're making the dryad angry!
Infuriated, even!
**[09:28] Dryad**
A thirty-something man engaged in bondage...
**[09:31] Dryad**
is totally hot!
**[09:32] Alvin**
Dryad-san?
**[09:33] Carla**
Oh, please!
**[09:34] Carla**
"But only if he's hot," right?
**[09:37] Alvin**
What are you guys talking about?
**[09:39] Dryad**
Actually, I find it even more stimulating
when the man is *un*attractive!
**[09:43] Dryad**
Take that!
**[09:44] Alvin**
Do we need to know all this about you?!
**[09:46] Medusa**
Calm down, both of you!
**[09:48] Alvin**
Medusa is the only sane one here!
**[09:50] Alvin**
Pure hell.
**[09:51] Medusa**
I like it best when they're underage!
**[09:55] Alvin**
Can we not bring shotacon into this?!
**[09:58] Carla**
Alvin-san doesn't qualify as any
of those, so please release him!
**[10:03] Dryad**
We can't know that until
we see his real face.
**[10:06] Medusa**
If he's a baby-face, I might still be down!
**[10:09] Alvin**
These freaks...
**[10:10] Carla**
Then let's find our answer.
**[10:14] Alvin**
H-Hey, cut it out!
**[10:15] Alvin**
What's with you girls?
**[10:16] Alvin**
Weren't we talking about defeating Medusa?
**[10:19] Alvin**
Why is this happening?!
**[10:24] Alvin**
Hey. Don't go silent now.
**[10:26] Alvin**
At least say what you think of how I look!
**[10:31] Carla**
Pathetic.
**[10:32] Dryad**
Utterly lacking in distinction.
**[10:34] Medusa**
I'll forget it within two hours.
**[10:36] Alvin**
Well, so sorry to disappoint!
**[10:44] Dryad**
I'm sorry. It was wrong of me.
**[10:47] Dryad**
I shouldn't have tried to make
you defeat the evil Medusa.
**[10:51] Carla**
Not at all.
**[10:52] Carla**
I share a bit of fault for
how things went down...
**[10:55] Carla**
About 1% or so.
**[10:57] Medusa**
If you'd mentioned that earlier, I could've
made some preparations myself...
**[11:02] Medusa**
I didn't realize he'd be this weak.
**[11:05] Dryad**
When I heard that he'd
resisted your stone gaze,
**[11:08] Dryad**
I thought he might be a
match for you, but...
**[11:12] Medusa**
And I'm not feeling my best, so I'd
buckled in for a tough battle...
**[11:16] Alvin**
At least let me get a word in!
**[11:18] Carla**
Alvin-san.
**[11:19] Carla**
The loser doesn't get an opinion.
**[11:22] Carla**
Know your place.
**[11:23] Alvin**
Lay off, damn it!
**[11:25] Alvin**
Listen to me.
**[11:26] Alvin**
I know I'm really weak, okay?
**[11:27] Carla**
Yes, he is!
**[11:28] Alvin**
But despite appearances,
**[11:30] Alvin**
I honestly do daily muscle
training and sword practice!
**[11:34] Carla**
What else?
**[11:35] Alvin**
But I didn't stand a chance this time.
**[11:37] Alvin**
Do you know why that is?
**[11:38] Carla**
Yes? One, two...
**[11:40] Trio**
Why is that?!
**[11:41] Alvin**
Just shut up!
**[11:42] Alvin**
There's only one reason!
**[11:43] Alvin**
Because I don't have my sword right now!
**[11:48] Alvin**
*Now* talk, damn it!
**[11:50] Medusa**
Seems to me like the sword is
the least of his problems.
**[11:53] Medusa**
Why in the world doesn't
he have a sword, anyway?
**[11:54] Medusa**
Isn't he a warrior?
**[11:55] Dryad**
He's not just a shady character
in a tin-plated suit?
**[11:58] Carla**
Is there a funnier joke
than the tin-plated thing?
**[12:02] Alvin**
I hear you! Especially you, Carla!
**[12:04] Dryad**
If you need a sword, I know of one.
**[12:07] Dryad**
A sacred sword stuck in a
pedestal deep in the forest.
**[12:11] Alvin**
A sacred sword?
**[12:13] Dryad**
Many adventurers have attempted
to draw the sword...
**[12:18] Dryad**
but none of them have succeeded.
**[12:20] Dryad**
But you two, who were present
for Medusa's unsealing...
**[12:25] Alvin**
Though we were the ones who
started the whole mess...
**[12:27] Dryad**
The time, indeed, may have come for
the sacred sword to be drawn!
**[12:32] Dryad**
There it is!
**[12:36] Alvin**
Is that...
**[12:39] Alvin**
the legendary...
**[12:44] Alvin**
sacred sword?!
**[12:46] Alvin**
Why's it stuck in that way?!
**[12:48] Dryad**
Go on! Pull it out!
**[12:51] Alvin**
Like hell!
**[12:52] Alvin**
Isn't the hilt supposed to
be the exposed part?!
**[12:55] Carla**
Alvin... can you hear me?
**[12:58] Carla**
Alvin... can you hear my voice?
**[12:59] Alvin**
What the...
**[13:01] Alvin**
A voice!
**[13:04] Alvin**
Can it be...
**[13:05] Carla**
I am the sacred sword.
**[13:08] Alvin**
Is it really a sacred sword?!
**[13:10] Carla**
Hero Alvin.
**[13:12] Carla**
I have awaited your arrival!
**[13:15] Alvin**
I'm a hero?
**[13:17] Alvin**
Are you kidding me?!
**[13:17] Carla**
Yes. You are the chosen hero.
**[13:21] Carla**
The hero, chosen by random lottery...
**[13:23] Alvin**
Random lottery?
**[13:24] Carla**
Now, extract me—
**[13:28] Carla**
What?
**[13:30] Carla**
The voice is on a bit of a lag...
**[13:32] Alvin**
Screw that!
**[13:33] Alvin**
That was your voice, damn it!
**[13:35] Alvin**
I can't believe I got my hopes up for that!
**[13:38] Carla**
I'm sorry. Vewwy sowwy.
**[13:40] Carla**
I thought you deserved
a nice dream for once.
**[13:43] Alvin**
It's more like a nightmare I
can't wait to wake up from!
**[13:45] Dryad**
Anyway, let's see if you
can pull out the sword!
**[13:48] Medusa**
Yeah! Yeah!
**[13:49] Alvin**
I'd doubt it'll work,
but I might as well try...
**[13:52] Alvin**
Looks pretty tough, though...
**[13:55] Alvin**
I guess I'll have to grab it by the blade.
**[14:00] Carla**
What's the matter?
**[14:02] Alvin**
I think it's loose.
**[14:04] Medusa**
I'm sure he's imagining it.
**[14:06] Dryad**
Most likely his imagination.
**[14:08] Carla**
Are you deluding yourself?
**[14:09] Alvin**
You guys!
**[14:11] Alvin**
Darn it...
**[14:12] Alvin**
I'll just have to force it out!
**[14:23] Dryad**
Is he really the chosen one?
**[14:25] Carla**
When did he apply for that?!
**[14:27] Alvin**
I didn't apply for anything!
**[14:32] Dryad**
He pulled it out!
**[14:32] Medusa**
Wait, he really is the chosen one?!
**[14:35] Carla**
No! Look closely!
***SIGN*** Dud
**[14:40] Carla**
It was a dud draw.
**[14:41] Alvin**
What in the world does that mean?!
**[14:49] Carla**
W-Well, good for you!
**[14:50] Carla**
You got a sacred sword!
**[14:52] Alvin**
A dud one, sure!
**[14:53] Alvin**
I bet you're thinking it's
perfect for me, huh?
**[14:56] Alvin**
Go ahead and laugh, if you want!
**[14:58] Carla**
Really? Can I?
**[14:59] Carla**
Thank you so much!
**[15:01] Alvin**
Never mind, never laugh again!
**[15:03] Carla**
But my smile is my best trait!
**[15:05] Carla**
So mean!
**[15:06] Alvin**
You might wanna rethink that one!
**[15:08] Carla**
If you took away my smile,
what else would I have?
**[15:11] Alvin**
Unpleasantness.
**[15:12] Carla**
Look at you, pouting.
**[15:15] Carla**
Just cheer up already!
**[15:17] Carla**
You already have a jackpot, you know...
**[15:21] Carla**
The jackpot known as Carla.
**[15:23] Voice**
Jackpot!
**[15:23] Carla**
Gosh, I'm blushing.
**[15:24] Alvin**
More like a crackpot!
**[15:27] Carla**
But now that you have a sword,
**[15:29] Carla**
show me the fruits of this
daily training of yours!
**[15:32] Medusa**
Not like one little sword is gonna
make a difference against me!
**[15:37] Carla**
She's mocking you, Alvin-san!
**[15:40] Carla**
I believe in you!
**[15:41] Carla**
I believe that your daily training
will be a drop in the bucket!
**[15:45] Alvin**
You realize you're making things
worse right now, right?
**[15:48] Carla**
No need to be worried!
**[15:49] Carla**
I will support you!
**[15:51] Alvin**
Now I'm even more worried!
**[15:53] Medusa**
Two on one, eh?
**[15:55] Medusa**
A perfectly fine handicap for me!
**[15:57] Carla**
I'm the one with a handicap here!
**[15:59] Carla**
Look at this guy!
**[16:00] Alvin**
I can hear you, damn it!
**[16:02] Alvin**
Say what you want about me, but all
you do is sit on the back lines!
**[16:06] Carla**
Say that all you like,
but you're the one who—
**[16:08] Medusa**
Here we go again!
**[16:10] Dryad**
I can't tell if they are
a good pairing or not.
**[16:12] Carla**
What spell shall I use this time?
**[16:15] Carla**
Drumroll...
**[16:16] Carla**
Ta-da!
**[16:18] Carla**
A defense-enhancing spell!
**[16:22] Alvin**
Everything you do is unpleasant!
**[16:24] Carla**
With one cast of this spell...
**[16:27] Carla**
Behold!
**[16:29] Alvin**
Behold what?
**[16:30] Alvin**
All you did was clap your hands—
**[16:33] Alvin**
Wait... what are you doing?
**[16:36] Alvin**
What are you doing—
**[16:43] Carla**
See? It didn't hurt at all, right?
**[16:45] Alvin**
It certainly dealt psychological damage!
**[16:47] Carla**
But there was no *physical* damage, was there?
**[16:51] Carla**
That's because of my spell.
**[16:53] Alvin**
It's true that it didn't hurt much at all...
**[16:56] Dryad**
Perhaps she was unconsciously
taking it easy on her comrade?
**[16:59] Dryad**
Allow me to take over!
**[17:01] Alvin**
Why?
**[17:02] Dryad**
Just remove your armor and
get down on all fours!
**[17:06] Medusa**
Oh, me next! I wanna do it next!
**[17:08] Alvin**
But why should I—
**[17:10] Dryad**
Hurry!
**[17:12] Alvin**
I'm not a chair, damn it!
**[17:17] Dryad**
Let us begin!
**[17:19] Dryad**
One more time!
**[17:20] Dryad**
It's not over yet!
**[17:22] Dryad**
Take that!
**[17:23] Dryad**
You like that? Tell me you love it!
**[17:26] Alvin**
Dryad-san, stop!
**[17:30] Dryad**
Well? Any damage?
**[17:31] Alvin**
Only to your image, I think!
**[17:34] Dryad**
It does appear he didn't feel anything.
**[17:37] Dryad**
What a disappointment.
**[17:38] Alvin**
Could you not say stuff that
could be taken the wrong way?
**[17:40] Medusa**
Now it's my turn!
**[17:42] Alvin**
But this is pretty cool!
It doesn't hurt at all!
**[17:45] Carla**
Right?
**[17:46] Alvin**
Look at you!
You actually cast a proper spell!
**[17:50] Carla**
Sexual harassment...
**[17:51] Alvin**
If not for that part...
**[17:52] Medusa**
The next! Me! My turn!
**[17:54] Alvin**
I'm not a dang punching bag!
**[17:56] Alvin**
Fine.
**[17:57] Alvin**
Thanks to Carla, I might just
come out well in this match!
**[18:00] Alvin**
*And* I have a sword!
**[18:01] Carla**
But you should probably hurry.
**[18:03] Carla**
When the spell ends, you'll feel the
previously negated damage twice as hard!
**[18:09] Carla**
Or was that ten times as hard?
**[18:16] Medusa**
My turn!
**[18:25] Carla**
Delicious!
**[18:25] Medusa**
Yeah, not bad at all!
**[18:28] Dryad**
I'm pleased that you like it.
**[18:30] Dryad**
I made the cake out of the
forest's best fruits.
**[18:34] Medusa**
You're pretty good at the girl stuff,
despite all the weird fetishes.
**[18:37] Dryad**
You are quite the irritating, little reptile.
**[18:39] Carla**
The taste puts me in mind of a temple
built to restore the clean air
**[18:42] Carla**
of a cursed ground plagued
by storms of miasma.
**[18:46] Carla**
Specifically, the flower that
grows beside the wind god there.
**[18:51] Carla**
Specifically, the caterpillars
that feed on the flower.
**[18:54] Dryad**
I don't believe that's a compliment.
**[18:56] Dryad**
And how is Alvin-san feeling?
**[19:00] Carla**
He'll wake up soon.
**[19:02] Carla**
I drew him a special healing magic circle.
**[19:09] Carla**
Thank you for letting us
use your room, Dryad-san.
**[19:12] Dryad**
Think nothing of it!
**[19:13] Dryad**
Fate has brought us together, after all.
**[19:15] Medusa**
It is a weird turn of fate that we're ending
up in this kind of weird girls' get-together...
**[19:19] Medusa**
Speaking of fate, how'd you end up
in a party with that guy, Carla?
**[19:24] Medusa**
This is kinda blunt, but what do you have to
gain partying up with a warrior that weak?
**[19:30] Medusa**
I mean, I can tell he's a decent dude...
**[19:32] Medusa**
but as party members go,
he seems like a bit of a load.
**[19:36] Dryad**
I'm impressed he's even still alive.
**[19:40] Medusa**
Oh, sorry!
**[19:41] Medusa**
I wasn't trying to badmouth your partner...
**[19:45] Carla**
Could I have another piece of cake?
**[19:47] Dryad**
C-Certainly!
**[19:48] Carla**
I understand how you feel, of course.
**[19:51] Carla**
But he has quite a number of good points
**[19:55] Carla**
as befits his title of
"Weakest Loser Master King."
**[19:57] Dryad**
I don't think I'd want traits
befitting that title...
**[20:01] Carla**
For instance...
**[20:04] Medusa**
You're stuck already?
**[20:07] Carla**
Patheticness!
**[20:08] Medusa**
That's an insult.
**[20:09] Carla**
Wretchedness!
**[20:10] Medusa**
So is that.
**[20:11] Carla**
Suckiness!
**[20:12] Medusa**
Seriously?!
**[20:15] Carla**
Um... but it's more than that.
**[20:17] Medusa**
Maybe keep the next one to yourself.
**[20:20] Carla**
Being with him is fun.
**[20:28] Alvin**
What are we talking about?
**[20:30] Carla**
You scared me... not a bit!
**[20:33] Carla**
Not a tiny little bit!
**[20:34] Alvin**
That was a hell of a reaction.
**[20:37] Carla**
Did you hear what we were saying?
**[20:40] Alvin**
No, all I heard was that you were talking.
**[20:42] Medusa**
We were talking about you!
**[20:45] Alvin**
About me?
**[20:46] Alvin**
Nothing good, I'm sure.
**[20:49] Alvin**
She's saying I'm pathetic and
wretched and sucky, I'll bet.
**[20:51] Dryad**
Three for three!
**[20:53] Dryad**
B-But Carla-chan said you were—
**[20:56] Alvin**
You scared me!
**[20:58] Alvin**
Where did that come from?
**[21:01] Carla**
I just saw a meteorite!
**[21:03] Alvin**
Indoors?
**[21:05] Alvin**
Sorry, could you say that again?
**[21:08] Alvin**
Oh, shut up!
**[21:09] Carla**
Wow! Shooting star!
**[21:10] Alvin**
You can change what you call it,
but we're still indoors!
**[21:13] Alvin**
What in the world is wrong with you?
**[21:15] Alvin**
Is it really something
that bad for me to hear?
**[21:17] Carla**
It's not like that.
**[21:18] Alvin**
Then, shut up!
**[21:20] Alvin**
Now, what were you talking about?
**[21:22] Dryad**
W-Well—
**[21:26] Dryad**
I'm sorry. I completely forgot!
**[21:29] Medusa**
You forgot what we were just talking about?
**[21:33] Medusa**
I remember, though!
**[21:34] Dryad**
Please don't!
**[21:35] Medusa**
Listen, Alvin!
**[21:36] Medusa**
Carla said that being with you was—
**[21:38] Carla**
Achoo!
**[21:43] Carla**
Drat! I just sneezed!
**[21:46] Alvin**
Who unleashes a tieshankao
when they sneeze?!
***SIGN*** Try again in
ten years' time!
***SIGN*** Next Time
**[23:25] Dryad**
Next episode's title is...
**[23:27] Medusa**
Dryad!
**[23:28] Medusa**
Me, too! Me, too! Me, too!
**[23:29] Medusa**
Let me do it, too!
**[23:29] Dryad**
Don't interrupt, Medusa!
**[23:32] Dryad**
Just sit there and do your "Shu-wah!"
**[23:34] Medusa**
Aw, no way! No way!
**[23:36] Medusa**
I wanna do it, too!
**[23:36] Dryad**
You truly are annoying!
***SIGN*** "In the second half of this episode, we enter the "What Story Is This?"
arc (though actually it's just the next two episodes) so let me explain
once again for people not in the know that "What Story Is This?" is the
webcomic version of the story that would eventually be published as
"Don't Hurt Me, My Healer," so this arc isn't included in the printed
comic but you should still be able to read it so go ahead and do that if
you like but at the same time there's also a thankless role in the first
half so I'll ask you to keep an eye on that because it's going to
be clear it's an important event if you keep
watching and that's the deal with episode 10."
***SIGN*** See you then!
**[23:37] Medusa**
Let me try it!
# E10 - In the second half of this episode, we enter the "What Story Is This?" arc...
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G50UZ7ZPQ/in-the-second-half-of-this-episode-we-enter-the-what-story-is-this-arc)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:02] Alvin**
Monsters threaten human life.
**[00:05] Alvin**
They are opposed by brave adventurers!
**[00:10] Alvin**
And I, Alvin, am one of them!
**[00:15] Alvin**
Now in a party with Carla, the healer,
**[00:18] Alvin**
my journey continues!
***SIGN*** Don't Hurt Me,
***SIGN*** Don't Hurt Me,
***SIGN*** My Healer!
***SIGN*** In the second half of this episode, we enter the "What Story Is This?" arc...
**[01:53] Alvin**
Excuse me!
**[01:55] Receptionist**
Hello! Welcome to the Adventurers' Guild!
**[01:59] Receptionist**
Well, well.
**[02:00] Receptionist**
Good to see you, Alvin-san.
**[02:02] Alvin**
It's been a while.
**[02:04] Receptionist**
You're looking well, too, Carla-san.
**[02:09] Alvin**
C'mon, say hello like a functional person!
**[02:12] Carla**
Can you please not talk
to me as if we're frie—
**[02:14] Alvin**
Okay! That's quite enough!
**[02:16] Alvin**
Apologies for my little goblin here.
**[02:18] Receptionist**
N-Not at all.
**[02:20] Receptionist**
I'm glad to see her as energetic as ever.
**[02:22] Receptionist**
Now, how can I help you today?
**[02:25] Alvin**
I'm here to review my adventurer rank.
**[02:29] Receptionist**
Review your rank?
**[02:32] Carla**
You're not thinking "he doesn't really think
it's gone up? LOL-in-parentheses!" are you?
**[02:36] Carla**
That's so rude!
**[02:37] Alvin**
That's what *you're* thinking!
**[02:39] Carla**
Actually, I was thinking "I really hope his
rank hasn't gone down! LOL-in-parentheses."
**[02:43] Carla**
It's very different!
**[02:44] Alvin**
Well, keep it to yourself!
**[02:46] Receptionist**
In this case, please apply your
blood seal to this rank testing sheet.
**[02:51] Receptionist**
The magic circle drawn on it will offer
you a rank from one star to five stars
**[02:55] Receptionist**
based on your accomplishments
and experiences.
**[02:58] Carla**
A blood seal?
**[03:00] Carla**
Are you sure about that, Alvin-san?
**[03:02] Alvin**
It's just a little prick on the fingertip.
**[03:05] Alvin**
What are you so worried about?
**[03:07] Carla**
I thought you might die from blood loss...
**[03:09] Alvin**
Like hell!
**[03:11] Carla**
You need a little help with that?
**[03:13] Alvin**
You mean the healing part, right?
**[03:15] Carla**
Come to think of it, Alvin-san.
What is your current ranking?
**[03:19] Carla**
Oh, sorry. I'm sure it's one star—
**[03:22] Alvin**
Zero.
**[03:23] Alvin**
Last time, the magic circle
didn't react at all.
**[03:26] Alvin**
Which means my rank is zero stars.
**[03:29] Alvin**
Funny, isn't it?
**[03:31] Carla**
I'm sorry.
**[03:32] Carla**
It didn't occur to me that your rank
might not be able to get any lower.
**[03:37] Alvin**
By the way, what's your rank, Carla?
**[03:40] Carla**
Well... three stars, actually.
**[03:43] Alvin**
I see.
**[03:46] Carla**
But I'm sure that with your stars, there were
just too many dark clouds to see them...
**[03:50] Carla**
Because they're stars... get it?
**[03:53] Alvin**
"Too many dark clouds" is more
like the story of my life.
**[03:57] Receptionist**
*Really not funny...*
**[03:57] Alvin**
Funny, right?
**[03:59] Receptionist**
I'm sure it was just a
defective testing sheet.
**[04:03] Carla**
That's it!
**[04:04] Carla**
I'm sure you just got
unlucky with the device!
**[04:07] Alvin**
Five times in a row?
**[04:08] Carla**
Y-Yes, five defective sheets!
**[04:11] Carla**
Poor Alvin-san! No luck at all!
**[04:14] Carla**
Or "no rank at all," I guess I should say...
**[04:17] Carla**
You know?
**[04:24] Carla**
It's just a joke, Alvin-san!
**[04:26] Carla**
I was trying to lighten the mood!
**[04:28] Receptionist**
Calm down!
**[04:29] Receptionist**
Throwing in more blood
won't make a difference,
**[04:31] Receptionist**
so please don't do anything
we'll both regret!
**[04:33] Carla**
I'm sure you'll get stars this time,
**[04:35] Carla**
even without offering up your worthless arm!
**[04:37] Carla**
You've survived encounters
with all kinds of monsters.
**[04:40] Carla**
The golem, the cyclops, the
necromancer... even the Medusa!
**[04:44] Receptionist**
Really?
**[04:46] Receptionist**
You survived battles with all
of those savage monsters?
**[04:49] Alvin**
Well... that technically
describes it, but...
**[04:52] Receptionist**
I'm sure you'll get one star—
no, you could even get four!
**[04:57] Alvin**
You think?
**[04:58] Carla**
Isn't that great?
**[04:59] Carla**
You'll be propelled into the
ranks of the adventuring elite!
**[05:02] Alvin**
Well, well... We don't know
that for sure, just yet.
**[05:06] Alvin**
But it is true.
**[05:07] Alvin**
I have had experiences that
most adventurers haven't.
**[05:11] Alvin**
I think I've been doing pretty
good, relatively speaking!
**[05:14] Carla**
Can we skip past the small
talk and get to the testing?
**[05:18] Alvin**
C'mon, don't rush me!
**[05:20] Alvin**
Boy, might be about time
to figure out my title!
**[05:23] Alvin**
You know?
**[05:24] Alvin**
How many stars will I get?
**[05:29] Carla**
Look, Alvin-san! It's changing!
**[05:31] Carla**
You've got at least one star!
***SIGN*** (LOL)
**[05:39] Carla**
LOL-in-parentheses.
**[05:42] Receptionist**
I told you, it doesn't matter
how much blood you use!
**[05:51] Alvin**
You could have picked a
better way to stop me!
**[05:53] Brigan**
What's this?
**[05:54] Brigan**
I thought I heard a commotion
in here. If it isn't Alvin!
**[05:57] Brigan**
What a surprise...
**[05:59] Brigan**
That you're still alive, that is.
**[06:01] Brigan**
I figured you'd died to
some stray dog's bite.
**[06:04] Carla**
You know him?
**[06:06] Alvin**
Yeah... he's an adventurer, just like us.
**[06:10] Brigan**
Just like you?
**[06:12] Brigan**
Don't make me laugh!
**[06:13] Brigan**
A pathetic weenie like you doesn't
belong in the same category as me!
**[06:17] Carla**
What did he just say?
**[06:18] Alvin**
Let it go. It's just a cheap provocation.
**[06:21] Carla**
Did you just call Alvin-san a lousy, stinking,
slug weenie loser nothing old man?!
**[06:27] Carla**
How dare you?!
**[06:28] Alvin**
He didn't say most of that!
**[06:29] Carla**
Who in the world is this guy who
looks like an escaped felon?
**[06:32] Brigan**
Escaped felon?!
**[06:35] Brigan**
You're a funny little kid...
**[06:37] Brigan**
Mind telling me your name?
**[06:38] Carla**
Don't you know it's basic manners to give
your name before asking for someone else's?
**[06:44] Carla**
Oh, wait! You don't want to give your
name because you're on the run!
**[06:47] Brigan**
You little brat...
**[06:49] Alvin**
Calm down, Brigan!
**[06:50] Alvin**
She doesn't mean any harm!
She just doesn't have a filter, that's all!
**[06:55] Carla**
Brigan. I see.
**[06:55] Alvin**
I truly apologize for my little goblin!
**[06:57] Carla**
Is that your name?
**[06:59] Carla**
That's a very nice name.
**[07:01] Carla**
Yes, yes...
**[07:02] Alvin**
See? That's also how she feels!
**[07:04] Carla**
It sounds like "prison."
**[07:06] Carla**
Perfect for an escaped convict.
**[07:07] Alvin**
You didn't have to say that!
**[07:09] Brigan**
You lousy, little dark elf...
**[07:11] Brigan**
Give it a rest—
**[07:13] Brigan**
A dark elf, dressed as a healer...
**[07:16] Brigan**
The irritating behavior...
**[07:18] Brigan**
You're not "Carla," are you?
**[07:21] Carla**
Indeed I am!
**[07:22] Carla**
Carla, also known as the goddess
who descended from the heavens!
**[07:26] Carla**
Smug face!
**[07:27] Alvin**
* I wish you could have descended*
* straight to the underworld...*
**[07:31] Brigan**
You two have formed a party, then, have you?
**[07:34] Alvin**
Well... there were circumstances.
**[07:40] Brigan**
The infamous disaster
land mine healer Carla,
**[07:44] Brigan**
and "the walking load" Alvin,
in a party together?
**[07:49] Brigan**
This is too priceless!
**[07:50] Carla**
H-How dare you?!
**[07:52] Carla**
Did you hear what he said to us, Alvin-san?
**[07:55] Carla**
Doesn't it frustrate you?
**[07:57] Alvin**
But I can't exactly say he's wrong...
**[08:00] Carla**
He called me the "disaster land mine healer"!
**[08:03] Carla**
Doesn't it frustrate you?
**[08:04] Alvin**
Oh, that part? Not at all.
**[08:07] Carla**
It frustrates me.
**[08:09] Carla**
To hear him call you "the walking load"...
**[08:12] Alvin**
Carla...
**[08:13] Carla**
You don't just walk! You talk, too!
**[08:16] Alvin**
Speaking of, I could do with
a lot less talking from you!
**[08:18] Brigan**
C'mon, that was a compliment.
**[08:20] Brigan**
A pain in the ass elf and
a human ball and chain.
**[08:22] Brigan**
You're a perfect match!
**[08:25] Carla**
A p-perfect match?
**[08:27] Carla**
Gosh, I wouldn't say that...
**[08:29] Carla**
Right?
**[08:29] Alvin**
Pure slander.
**[08:31] Carla**
Why don't we call ourselves "Team Exile"?
**[08:34] Alvin**
I hate that too much!
**[08:35] Alvin**
And why are you enjoying this?!
**[08:37] Brigan**
Exile! I love it!
**[08:40] Brigan**
You've got good taste!
**[08:42] Carla**
Right? Right?
**[08:44] Carla**
Though, Brigan-san,
you deserve the title "Ex-Con."
**[08:50] Brigan**
You little brat!
**[08:55] Carla**
H-He's mad for no reason!
**[08:57] Carla**
What a low boiling point!
**[08:58] Alvin**
*Not* for no reason!
**[09:00] Alvin**
I'm impressed he lasted as long as he did!
**[09:01] Brigan**
What do you take me for?
**[09:03] Brigan**
Guess I'll have to teach
you a painful lesson!
**[09:06] Brigan**
Hey, Alvin!
**[09:07] Brigan**
Let me at her—
**[09:08] Alvin**
But I refuse!
**[09:09] Alvin**
I'm not such a coward as to sit back and
take all the abuse you've dished out, either.
**[09:14] Carla**
Alvin-san...
**[09:16] Brigan**
What, you wanna fight?
**[09:18] Brigan**
Sounds good to me!
**[09:19] Brigan**
Let's step outside!
**[09:21] Carla**
Wh-What will we do?
**[09:22] Alvin**
Accept the challenge.
**[09:24] Alvin**
I have my own form of pride!
**[09:26] Alvin**
But he's probably going
beat the shit out of me,
**[09:29] Alvin**
so could I get some healing afterwards?
**[09:31] Carla**
Sure thing!
**[09:33] Brigan**
Hey, what's wrong?
**[09:34] Brigan**
Are you coming or not, you filthy coward?
**[09:37] Alvin**
Shut up!
**[09:38] Alvin**
I'm on my way! Just you wait!
**[09:40] Brigan**
Don't run away!
**[09:41] Alvin**
Please. I've been waiting for this!
**[09:44] Carla**
You're open!
**[09:47] Alvin**
B-Brigan!
**[09:51] Alvin**
What did you do?!
**[09:53] Carla**
Well, he was wide open...
**[09:56] Carla**
I thought he was asking for it.
**[09:58] Alvin**
Are you an assassin now?!
***SIGN*** The legendary
pro wrestler
The Cuban
Assassin
#1
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 15 0 l 15 20 l 0 20
***SIGN*** Special Moves:
***SIGN*** Any rule-breaking
attack
**[09:59] Alvin**
Not that!
***SIGN*** Special Moves:
***SIGN*** Any surprise
attack
**[10:01] Alvin**
Yes, more like that!
**[10:04] Alvin**
Thank goodness! He's alive!
**[10:05] Brigan**
Wh-What just happened?
**[10:07] Alvin**
Well, actually... I'm sorry...
**[10:10] Alvin**
No, maybe we should treat them first?
**[10:12] Carla**
This is where I step in.
**[10:16] Alvin**
Why are you tying him up?!
**[10:18] Carla**
Got him in custody!
**[10:19] Alvin**
He's seriously not an escaped felon!
**[10:27] Alvin**
Is this the mansion in question?
**[10:30] Carla**
Yes.
**[10:31] Carla**
The mansion in which the evil spirit dwells.
**[10:35] Carla**
We have to exorcise it, right?
**[10:38] Alvin**
Yes...
**[10:39] Alvin**
We destroyed a table in
that fight with Brigan,
**[10:42] Alvin**
and made a lot of trouble for the Guild.
**[10:44] Alvin**
So this is our punishment.
**[10:46] Alvin**
It looks like an ordinary
old ruin at a glance,
**[10:48] Alvin**
but I detect a terrifying aura from it.
**[10:51] Carla**
I hear it's known as the
"Shocking Rocking Horror House!"
**[10:55] Alvin**
Suddenly, it sounds like an attraction.
**[10:58] Carla**
But the rumors say that anyone who
enters this mansion never comes out alive.
**[11:05] Carla**
It's believed that they're killed by
the evil spirit that dwells within.
**[11:09] Alvin**
There it is!
The classic horror house setup line!
**[11:13] Alvin**
It's always made up! Don't tell me you
actually believe, etcetera, etcetera.
**[11:16] Carla**
You mean you don't believe in it?
**[11:18] Alvin**
Is there anyone who actually
believes stories like that?
**[11:21] Carla**
*Ack*chyuwally...
**[11:23] Carla**
I invited a special guest
along to attest to just that.
**[11:27] Carla**
This person infiltrated
the mansion once before.
**[11:31] Alvin**
You can't do that! The setup is supposed
to be that no one leaves there alive!
**[11:34] Carla**
Show yourself!
**[11:36] Anna**
Oh, hello there!
**[11:37] Alvin**
Well, that's freaking haunted!
**[11:39] Carla**
This is Anna-san, a former thief
who infiltrated the mansion
**[11:44] Carla**
and was tragically killed
by the evil spirit there.
**[11:46] Carla**
Let's give her a hand!
**[11:47] Anna**
P-Please don't, Carla-chan!
**[11:49] Anna**
It's embarrassing!
**[11:50] Carla**
But I need to give you
a proper introduction.
**[11:52] Anna**
But if you say I was "tragically killed,"
it makes me sound like a bad thief!
**[11:56] Carla**
But you did die, so...
**[11:58] Anna**
It's not like that!
**[11:59] Anna**
That evil spirit was really, really tough!
***SIGN*** Pad it with small talk!
**[12:01] Alvin**
What the heck is he doing?
**[12:02] Alvin**
Wait, are you still here?!
**[12:04] Alvin**
Where have you been?
**[12:05] Kinoko**
Well, I was looking for Big Sis Carla's
crystal ball, and I got lost...
**[12:11] Alvin**
We wrapped up that nonsense
a while back, actually.
**[12:13] Kinoko**
What?
**[12:14] Carla**
Well, I'd rather not stand
outside talking forever.
**[12:16] Carla**
Let's go into the mansion
and discuss it in there.
**[12:19] Anna**
It is awfully cold today...
**[12:21] Carla**
The chill of the grave, right?
**[12:23] Alvin**
Wait, wait, wait!
**[12:25] Carla**
What?
**[12:26] Carla**
We were going to go into the mansion,
**[12:28] Carla**
roll some dice with subjects written on them,
**[12:30] Carla**
and have a nice talk based on
the outcome of the roll...
**[12:32] Anna**
Happy! Rappy! Exciting talk!
**[12:34] Alvin**
Just shut up!
**[12:36] Carla**
What, you want to be part
of our girls' talk?
**[12:38] Anna**
As a man in his thirties,
would you be able to contribute?
**[12:41] Alvin**
How did you know how old I—
**[12:43] Alvin**
But never mind that!
**[12:44] Alvin**
The mansion is dangerous, right?
**[12:46] Alvin**
Why are you trying to go
in like it's nothing?
**[12:48] Alvin**
We need to hear what she has to
say, figure out a plan, and—
**[12:51] Carla**
Oho? Don't tell me...
**[12:54] Anna**
Aw, no way!
**[12:56] Alvin**
What?
**[12:58] Alvin**
It's not like I'm afraid or—
**[12:59] Carla**
Oho!
**[13:01] Alvin**
Just say it outright!
**[13:02] Alvin**
And just so we're clear,
I'm not afraid at all!
**[13:05] Alvin**
I mean it!
**[13:06] Carla**
Don't be ashamed!
**[13:07] Carla**
Everyone has things they're afraid of.
**[13:09] Carla**
And evil spirits are like
a reminder of death!
**[13:12] Carla**
Death is a fear that all
living beings share!
**[13:16] Alvin**
I told you, I'm not scared!
**[13:18] Carla**
But here's a question: Da-dun!
**[13:21] Carla**
Who's the holy woman that evil spirits fear,
**[13:25] Carla**
with divine protection, a vulnerable gaze that
inflames the protective instincts of others,
**[13:29] Carla**
silver hair, dark skin,
and an altogether enchanting visage?
**[13:49] Carla**
Correct!
**[13:51] Alvin**
What in the world are you talking about?
**[13:53] Carla**
Well, we have our plan to
deal with the evil spirit.
**[13:56] Carla**
Let's go exorcise the thing!
**[13:58] Anna**
Yeah!
**[13:59] Alvin**
H-Hey!
**[14:01] Carla**
What's wrong!
**[14:03] Carla**
There is nothing to be afraid of.
**[14:05] Alvin**
*You're* the thing I'm afraid of!
**[14:08] Carla**
It's fine.
**[14:09] Carla**
You have me, and I have a divine protection.
**[14:12] Carla**
Besides, the evil spirit might
be willing to listen to reason.
**[14:17] Carla**
And even if it's not willing
to listen to reason,
**[14:20] Carla**
I can pound reason into it using
my iron fists of brotherly love!
**[14:24] Alvin**
How in the world do you get
"fists of brotherly love"?
**[14:32] Ryoko**
Welcome ho—
**[14:33] Carla**
I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm an
absolutely worthless trash healer.
**[14:36] Carla**
I am truly grateful you would form
a party with one as worthless as I.
**[14:39] Carla**
At the same time, I am
extremely filled with guilt.
**[14:41] Alvin**
Crap! She's gone crazy from the fear,
and she's actually talking sense!
**[14:44] Carla**
I'm so obnoxious and worthless I should just
go home and live as a shut-in forever.
**[14:49] Alvin**
Hey. Don't talk like that!
**[14:51] Alvin**
It's okay. I'll forgive you for everything
that's happened between us.
**[14:54] Alvin**
So please, stay exactly as you are now!
**[14:58] Alvin**
I'm begging you!
***SIGN*** Sincere
**[15:01] Carla**
What a generous thing to say!
**[15:03] Carla**
The kindness to accept the
faults of anyone around you...
**[15:05] Carla**
You sound almost like...
**[15:07] Carla**
Like me!
**[15:08] Alvin**
Damn it! She's back!
**[15:10] Carla**
That's better.
**[15:12] Carla**
I didn't expect it to be that intense.
**[15:15] Alvin**
I agree.
**[15:17] Carla**
An aura of hostility so powerful,
it shakes even *me*...
**[15:21] Carla**
Clearly, this is not an enemy we can
deal with through normal means.
**[15:24] Carla**
But...
**[15:27] Carla**
A new sacrifice has
resulted from my failure!
**[15:31] Alvin**
This is pretty tough.
**[15:34] Alvin**
But can't you use a resurrection
spell on the evil spirit?
**[15:39] Carla**
You magic-ignorant bumpkins
are so troubling sometimes.
**[15:42] Carla**
Resurrection is an extremely
high-level spell.
**[15:45] Carla**
It's not something I can
simply use on command!
**[15:48] Carla**
Of course, I *can* use it...
**[15:50] Alvin**
You can?
**[15:51] Carla**
But I still have a long way to go.
**[15:54] Carla**
I can only resurrect someone who's
been dead three seconds or fewer.
**[15:58] Alvin**
Three seconds?
**[15:59] Alvin**
Well, I guess it's better
than not having it at all...
**[16:01] Carla**
However...
**[16:02] Carla**
the time it takes to cast
the resurrection spell...
**[16:06] Carla**
is... dun-dun-dun! Ten seconds!
**[16:08] Alvin**
You won't make it in time!
**[16:09] Carla**
But if I start thinking you might die,
I can start the incantation in advance.
**[16:13] Alvin**
So you might cast it before I die?
**[16:17] Alvin**
Well, never mind.
**[16:18] Alvin**
Let's just get out of here.
**[16:20] Carla**
Could you please wait just a minute?
**[16:22] Alvin**
What is it?
**[16:23] Carla**
That evil spirit said something, didn't it?
**[16:26] Alvin**
I do think it tried to say "welcome home."
**[16:28] Carla**
That's right.
**[16:29] Alvin**
What about it?
**[16:31] Carla**
It just seemed awfully presumptuous
of it. I mean, we'd just met!
**[16:35] Alvin**
Are you seriously...
**[16:37] Carla**
Plus, I'm supposed to be an
entity that evil spirits fear.
**[16:40] Carla**
So having that thing say "welcome home☆" as
it escorts me inside feels kind of insulting.
**[16:45] Alvin**
I don't think it was quite that friendly...
**[16:47] Carla**
This has never happened before.
**[16:49] Carla**
I've never had an evil spirit show
such a lack of respect before.
**[16:52] Carla**
I'm not the kind of girl who
can take this lying down!
**[16:55] Carla**
I'm going to put that evil spirit
in a catgirl maid outfit,
**[16:58] Carla**
and make it say "welcome home, mew☆!"
**[17:01] Alvin**
That doesn't seem like
much of a punishment...
**[17:04] Carla**
Don't worry.
**[17:05] Carla**
I won't be rough with it.
**[17:07] Carla**
I'm just going to put it
in a catgirl maid outfit.
**[17:10] Alvin**
I've forgotten why we came
here in the first place.
**[17:13] Carla**
Allow me tieshankao!
**[17:14] Alvin**
Do you have to open it like that?!
**[17:16] Carla**
Now, show yourself!
**[17:17] Carla**
I'll teach you proper manners for someone
you're meeting for the first time!
**[17:21] Alvin**
I don't want to hear that from someone
who doesn't know how to open a door...
**[17:28] Carla**
I-It's here, isn't it?!
**[17:29] Carla**
Y-You certainly humiliated me before!
**[17:33] Carla**
But this time, you won't
find it so easy-peasy!
**[17:36] Alvin**
Open your eyes! Don't point at me!
**[17:39] Alvin**
Carla!
**[17:40] Carla**
Wh-What now?!
**[17:41] Carla**
Are you trying to scare me?
**[17:42] Alvin**
Just look behind you!
**[17:43] Carla**
You can't scare me again!
**[17:45] Carla**
But if you shout out "wah" or something...
**[17:47] Ryoko**
Welcome home, mew!
**[17:50] Alvin**
That's pushing it!
**[17:51] Alvin**
But isn't that nice?
**[17:53] Alvin**
It looks like it's reasonable after all!
**[17:56] Carla**
It's completely wrong!
**[17:59] Carla**
Just completely wrong!
**[18:01] Carla**
It's obvious your heart's not in it!
**[18:04] Carla**
It's not just a matter of appearance!
It's a matter of dedication!
**[18:06] Carla**
Right?
**[18:07] Alvin**
The minute she realizes it's reasonable,
she starts walking all over it...
**[18:11] Alvin**
But that face!
**[18:13] Carla**
What people want from maids
these days is rejuvenation.
**[18:16] Alvin**
What's with the holy woman pose?
**[18:18] Carla**
A truly heartfelt desire to serve another
**[18:21] Carla**
is more rejuvenating than any healing spell.
**[18:24] Carla**
It is, indeed, the ultimate rejuvenation!
**[18:26] Carla**
But merely putting on a maid outfit
will not confer true rejuvenation!
**[18:31] Alvin**
There are some healers who can't
rejuvenate a damned thing, either.
**[18:34] Carla**
But...
**[18:36] Carla**
Seeking rejuvenation from an evil spirit
like you might be too high a bar...
**[18:45] Carla**
All right. I know what to do!
**[18:47] Carla**
Just this one time,
the rejuvenation specialist,
**[18:50] Carla**
"rejuvelist" for short...
**[18:52] Alvin**
That's hard to say!
**[18:54] Carla**
...will teach you the hidden
secrets of rejuvenation!
**[18:56] Ryoko**
For real?
**[18:57] Carla**
It's going to be hard, violent training.
**[19:00] Carla**
Do you still wish to pursue it?
**[19:02] Ryoko**
Please!
**[19:03] Alvin**
That was easy!
***SIGN*** Push-ups x 100
Sit-ups x 200
Voice Training x 10 minutes
Squats 2 sets of 10
**[19:05] Alvin**
* And so Carla unveiled her*
* intense training regimen.*
***SIGN*** Carla-chan Awesome!! x 100
**[19:11] Alvin**
*She *unveiled* it, but she didn't
actually put it into practice.*
**[19:15] Carla**
Honestly, smiling's about
all you need to do...
**[19:18] Ryoko**
Right...
**[19:19] Alvin**
* Then she talked about*
* something-or-other for five minutes...*
**[19:21] Alvin**
*And then...*
**[19:23] Carla**
All done! Yay!
**[19:27] Alvin**
It doesn't look any different...
**[19:29] Alvin**
Actually, it's gotten more twisted!
**[19:31] Carla**
Now, do just as I advised you!
**[19:34] Alvin**
Advised her?
**[19:35] Alvin**
Did you do that?
**[19:36] Ryoko**
W... W...
**[19:40] Ryoko**
W-W-Welcome home...
**[19:43] Alvin**
This doesn't seem good!
**[19:48] both**
Mew!
**[19:49] Alvin**
No freakin' way!
**[19:51] Alvin**
Wait, wait!
**[19:52] Alvin**
Who the hell is that?
**[19:53] Carla**
Who is it? What's wrong with you?
**[19:56] Carla**
It's the evil spirit!
**[19:58] Carla**
She's been here the whole time!
**[20:00] Alvin**
Has not!
**[20:01] Alvin**
That's obviously a different life form!
***SIGN*** After
***SIGN*** Before
**[20:04] Carla**
Life form? You old silly!
**[20:06] Carla**
She's totally dead!
**[20:08] Alvin**
That's not the point!
**[20:10] Carla**
Well, I'm sure it's very surprising to you,
**[20:13] Carla**
and I'm sure you want to
shower me with praise...
**[20:15] Carla**
And I really appreciate
the round of applause...
**[20:18] Carla**
But please, let's turn it down,
and sit back down.
**[20:20] Alvin**
Nobody's giving you a standing ovation!
**[20:23] Carla**
Before I could pass on the
secrets of rejuvenation,
**[20:26] Carla**
I had to purify the heart of my successor!
**[20:29] Alvin**
Hang on a minute.
**[20:30] Alvin**
That means you couldn't
possibly pass on any secrets!
**[20:33] Alvin**
Because your own heart is pitch black!
**[20:36] Alvin**
There, I win.
**[20:37] Carla**
As a result, the evil spirit
was purified, inside and out.
**[20:42] Alvin**
Hey, don't just ignore me.
**[20:44] Carla**
Earlier, too, we weren't just talking.
**[20:47] Carla**
I was letting her vent all her
anger, stress, and worries.
**[20:51] Alvin**
Are you a counselor now?
**[20:52] Carla**
And I carefully plucked out the
seeds of her anger and resentment.
**[20:56] Alvin**
Do you have a per-episode
quota for that pose?
**[20:58] Carla**
Yes, it's almost like...
**[21:00] Carla**
the way the Grim Reaper plucks
out the life of a living being.
**[21:03] Carla**
Right?
**[21:04] Alvin**
Not a great choice of words.
**[21:05] Anna**
Hang on a minute!
**[21:07] Alvin**
Oh, you're back to life?
**[21:08] Alvin**
Actually, I guess you're still dead...
**[21:10] Anna**
Thank you for the help before.
**[21:12] Anna**
No, wait!
**[21:13] Anna**
She's pretty cute now that
she's been purified, but...
**[21:17] Anna**
Having two cute little ghosts
around is just redundant!
**[21:22] Alvin**
Is that all you have to say
to the being that killed you?
**[21:25] Mushroom**
Wait just a mushroom!
**[21:27] Mushroom**
There's only room for one cute mascot
on this team, and that's me!
**[21:30] Alvin**
No one actually thinks of you that way...
**[21:32] Carla**
Wait a minute!
**[21:33] Carla**
The cute mascot on this
team is obviously m—
**[21:34] Alvin**
I'm not letting you finish that one!
**[21:44] Carla**
The real cutie on this team is m—
**[21:44] Alvin**
I'm not letting you say it!
***SIGN*** Next Time
**[23:25] Anna**
Isn't that great, Ryoko-chan?
**[23:27] Anna**
We've made our anime debut!
**[23:28] Ryoko**
We have, Anna-san!
**[23:29] Ryoko**
Especially since we don't appear
in the official publication!
**[23:32] Anna**
But becoming regulars as of
the next episode is like a dream!
**[23:35] Ryoko**
Let's do our best
to make the show exciting!
***SIGN*** "So, this is Part 2 of the "What Story Is This?" arc and I'm really
glad we found out a way for Anna and Ryoko to get involved
and also to fill in some time based on the fact that there's not
enough manga material available but there's also a reference
to that classic family anime in this episode that I think a lot
of people will get even if I don't explain it but it's been a chance
to think about how animators back then had to put so much care
into drawing each cel by hand instead of doing it digitally like
we do now which is pretty cool and that's the deal with episode 11."
***SIGN*** See you then!
**[23:37] Anna**
Wait, there're only two more episodes!
**[23:39] Ryoko**
Wh—
# E11 - So, this is Part 2 of the "What Story Is This?" arc...
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GWDU858XD/so-this-is-part-2-of-the-what-story-is-this-arc)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:02] Alvin**
Monsters threaten human life.
**[00:05] Alvin**
They are opposed by brave adventurers!
**[00:10] Alvin**
And I, Alvin, am one of them!
**[00:15] Alvin**
Now in a party with Carla, the healer,
**[00:18] Alvin**
my journey continues!
***SIGN*** Don't Hurt Me,
***SIGN*** Don't Hurt Me,
***SIGN*** My Healer!
***SIGN*** So, this is Part 2 of the "What Story Is This?" arc...
***SIGN*** C'mon, open it! At least try?
**[01:58] Carla**
This is... a treasure chest, right?
**[02:01] Alvin**
Yeah.
**[02:02] Alvin**
But I never thought I would find
myself mocked by a treasure chest.
***SIGN*** C'mon, open it! At least try?
**[02:07] Alvin**
Or maybe mocked by a sign?
**[02:09] Carla**
I think it's quite amazing.
**[02:11] Carla**
It means you're an exceptional person.
**[02:13] Alvin**
It's extremely upsetting.
**[02:15] Alvin**
Who'd leave a treasure chest
in the middle of the road?
**[02:18] Alvin**
It's too strange.
**[02:20] Carla**
It's definitely strange.
**[02:22] Carla**
Well, should we open it?
**[02:23] Alvin**
Ah, the strangeness is coming
from inside the house.
**[02:26] Carla**
You don't want to open it?
**[02:28] Carla**
We are still adventurers,
crumble though we are.
**[02:31] Carla**
We really should open it!
**[02:32] Alvin**
I think you meant "humble" there.
**[02:34] Alvin**
And you'd have to be stupid to open
something that obviously fishy...
**[02:38] Alvin**
About as stupid as you are, I guess.
**[02:41] Carla**
C-Cruelzo!
**[02:43] Carla**
Did you just call me stupid?
**[02:46] Carla**
Wait, maybe he said "student"
and I just misheard.
**[02:49] Carla**
Did you call me a stude—
**[02:51] Alvin**
I said stupid.
**[02:54] Carla**
You said stupid?
**[02:56] Alvin**
No getting around that one, I'm afraid.
**[02:58] Carla**
And by "stupid" you didn't mean
"stupid cute" or something like that?
**[03:03] Carla**
Like a puppy?
**[03:04] Alvin**
No.
**[03:05] Carla**
Come on, *try* to mean that!
**[03:06] Alvin**
I refuse!
**[03:07] Carla**
I'm begging you!
**[03:09] Alvin**
Stop it! What are you doing?!
**[03:10] Alvin**
Don't pull it! Let go!
**[03:13] Anna**
Hey, you two.
**[03:14] Alvin**
What?
**[03:15] Anna**
I just checked it with my thief skills,
**[03:18] Anna**
and there are no traps of any
kind on the treasure chest.
**[03:21] Alvin**
What?
**[03:21] Alvin**
But it's such an obvious trap!
**[03:24] Anna**
Maybe they gave it the trap-like
trappings to keep people away?
**[03:29] Anna**
I can't say for sure, but there
might be a real treasure in there!
**[03:33] Alvin**
There's no way...
**[03:35] Alvin**
But I guess it's not impossible.
**[03:37] Alvin**
And if the chest is there,
we might as well try.
**[03:40] Carla**
Open it! Open it! Open it!
***SIGN*** Open it! Scrub-brush!
**[03:44] Carla**
Scrub-brush! Scrub-brush! Scrub-brush!
**[03:45] Alvin**
Stop egging me on!
**[03:49] Alvin**
If there aren't any traps,
I might as well open it...
**[03:52] Alvin**
But it'll probably be a prank, or a
sign reading "Sorry! No treasure!"
**[03:56] Anna**
Yeah, probably.
**[03:58] Carla**
Scrub-brush.
**[03:59] Anna**
Oh, wait a minute!
**[04:01] Anna**
Although there are no traps
on the chest itself—
**[04:07] Anna**
I was about to say, there are frequently
traps *around* a treasure chest,
**[04:11] Anna**
so you should be careful...
**[04:13] Anna**
But I guess I was too late.
**[04:16] Carla**
Alvin-san's special talent.
**[04:19] Carla**
The hole-in-one.
**[04:27] Carla**
A-A-Are you all right?
**[04:29] Alvin**
Yeah.
**[04:30] Carla**
Were you hurt?
**[04:32] Alvin**
Yeah.
**[04:33] Alvin**
You don't seem bothered in the slightest!
**[04:35] Carla**
Can you get out?
**[04:37] Alvin**
Hang on. Let's see.
**[04:40] Alvin**
I guess not.
**[04:42] Anna**
I was just thinking...
**[04:45] Alvin**
What is it?
**[04:46] sign**
m 0 0 l 211 0 l 211 75 l 0 75
***SIGN*** 1 Mushroom 1 Person on a side-quest
gathering medicinal herbs and edible plants
**[04:46] Anna**
Altargaia is knowledgeable about medicinal
herbs and other plants, right?
**[04:50] Kinoko**
These are good for diarrhea.
**[04:53] Ryoko**
My!
**[04:54] Ryoko**
We really picked a lot!
**[04:57] Anna**
Ryoko-san has incredible storage skills.
**[05:01] Anna**
I have a fair amount of thief skills.
**[05:04] Alvin**
Yeah.
**[05:05] Anna**
Carla-chan is a holy woman.
**[05:07] Alvin**
There's room for debate on that one!
**[05:09] Carla**
Objection!
**[05:10] Alvin**
Quiet, you!
**[05:11] Anna**
In other words, we all have our
personal skills and specialties.
**[05:16] Alvin**
Can we not go here?
**[05:17] Anna**
But you, quite frankly—
**[05:19] Carla**
Anna-san!
**[05:20] Carla**
Please don't say that.
**[05:22] Alvin**
Could you not dust yourself off right there?
**[05:24] Carla**
A person's worth isn't decided by
how useful or useless they are.
**[05:28] Alvin**
*And* you're standing on my mantle.
**[05:31] Carla**
Besides, Alvin-san has a lot of good points!
**[05:34] Alvin**
Let's hear them!
**[05:36] Carla**
Well, you know... the things!
**[05:39] Alvin**
You don't know.
**[05:41] Carla**
I do so!
**[05:43] Carla**
You just have so many good points,
I can't figure out where to start!
**[05:46] Carla**
In one moment's thought,
I came up with 200 million!
**[05:49] Alvin**
Liar. You haven't thought of a single—
**[05:51] Alvin**
Wait, 200 million?!
**[05:52] Alvin**
That's the number children
use when they're lying!
**[05:55] Alvin**
At least say a hundred!
**[05:57] Carla**
A hundred good points?
Don't you think highly of yourself!
**[06:01] Alvin**
Yeah, right!
**[06:03] Alvin**
Whatever. You're trying to say
I don't have any good points.
**[06:06] Carla**
That's not true!
**[06:08] Carla**
Here's one!
**[06:10] Carla**
Those tin plates you're always wearing
**[06:12] Carla**
are great for grilling meat!
**[06:13] Alvin**
What are you talking about?
**[06:15] Alvin**
And that doesn't even
qualify as a good point!
**[06:17] Carla**
Number two!
**[06:18] Alvin**
No one asked!
**[06:22] Alvin**
You've got nothing!
**[06:23] Carla**
Here's one!
**[06:24] Carla**
You can also grill fish!
**[06:26] Alvin**
In other words, nothing!
**[06:28] Anna**
Carla-chan, Carla-chan.
**[06:30] Anna**
Don't forget...
**[06:31] Carla**
Oh, that's right.
**[06:33] Carla**
I forgot something very important!
**[06:35] Carla**
First, you need to add oil!
**[06:37] Carla**
It'll burn if you don't.
**[06:39] Alvin**
I don't care how you do it!
**[06:40] Alvin**
Why are you talking about
using my armor to cook?!
**[06:45] Alvin**
You're supposed to be talking
about *my* good points!
**[06:46] Alvin**
At least say I'm nice or something!
**[06:49] Carla**
Y-You can cook rice, too?!
**[06:52] Carla**
The wonders of civilization!
**[06:54] Alvin**
Just rip my ears off!
**[07:15] Anna**
Don't push yourself too hard!
**[07:17] Alvin**
What exactly are you doing?
**[07:18] Anna**
Well? Can you get out now?
**[07:21] Alvin**
Why would you even think that?
**[07:22] Carla**
Very strange...
**[07:24] Alvin**
Talking about yourself, now?
**[07:25] Carla**
The moment I said, "Pah!"
**[07:28] Carla**
I thought you'd "vwoop" out of the hole
**[07:29] Alvin**
Boop!
**[07:30] Carla**
and land like "boop!"
**[07:31] Carla**
It wasn't a dream!
**[07:33] Carla**
But I guess I can't do it
like the professionals do.
**[07:36] Carla**
Whew, that was hard work!
**[07:38] Alvin**
The professionals?
**[07:40] Carla**
You don't know it? The famous ones!
**[07:42] Alvin**
I seriously have no idea
what you're talking about!
**[07:44] Anna**
Come on! Carla-chan is working
very hard to try and save you!
**[07:48] Anna**
You need to put in the work, too!
**[07:50] Alvin**
Come on, I'm stuck in here and can't get—
**[07:53] Alvin**
Hey, I'm more mobile than I thought I was!
**[07:56] Anna**
See?
**[07:57] Alvin**
Sorry...
**[07:58] Alvin**
I might just be able to pull myself out!
**[08:01] Carla**
Wait one minute.
**[08:03] Carla**
I'm going to try and save you.
**[08:05] Carla**
Per-so-nall-y!
**[08:08] Alvin**
Seriously, it's fine.
**[08:09] Alvin**
I can probably get myself out.
**[08:10] Carla**
No, pushing yourself is forbidden.
**[08:12] Alvin**
Seriously, it's fine!
**[08:13] Carla**
Please, accept my offer.
**[08:15] Carla**
If you're not careful,
you might tear yourself in half.
**[08:18] Carla**
Just leave this to me.
**[08:19] Alvin**
I won't tear myself in half! I'm fine!
**[08:22] Carla**
No, there's a roughly 90%
chance that you will.
**[08:24] Anna**
Let her do it!
**[08:26] Anna**
I think Carla-chan really wants to help you!
**[08:28] Alvin**
What a freaking pain!
**[08:30] Alvin**
Fine.
**[08:32] Alvin**
All right, Carla, help me out.
**[08:36] Carla**
I-Indeed I shall!
**[08:41] Anna**
Carla-chan?
**[08:42] Carla**
* I know I typically annoy him,*
* but we've been through so much...*
**[08:47] Carla**
*Enough to suggest that I'm going to
*keep *annoying him in the future,*
**[08:49] Carla**
* but he'll tolerate it better*
* if I get on his good side now!*
**[08:53] Carla**
All right, time is money, people!
**[08:54] Carla**
We'll start from the part
where you ask me for help—
**[08:56] Alvin**
Up I go.
**[08:58] Alvin**
Boy, I'm all dirty.
**[09:01] Alvin**
I better find somewhere to wash off.
**[09:02] Carla**
Are you just playing with my feelings?!
**[09:05] Alvin**
It was pretty obvious you
were plotting against me.
**[09:08] Carla**
Monster! Beast! Devil! Cultist!
Lord of Darkness! Emperor of Darkness!
**[09:12] Carla**
River demon! Force of darkness!
Holy warrior of light!
**[09:13] Alvin**
H-Hang on...
**[09:15] Alvin**
Hey, you mixed a nice one in there!
**[09:16] Carla**
So many appropriate titles,
I don't know where to start!
**[09:18] Carla**
It's a night parade of shame!
**[09:20] Alvin**
What?!
**[09:22] Alvin**
Now, then...
**[09:25] Carla**
You aren't going to open it?
**[09:27] Carla**
We know there are no traps
on the chest itself.
**[09:30] Carla**
You really should just open it already.
**[09:32] Carla**
How long are you going to drag this out?
**[09:34] Alvin**
But there are definitely
traps around it, right?
**[09:37] Alvin**
In other words, someone put the
chest here for malicious purposes.
**[09:41] Alvin**
That makes it an obvious prank.
No need to open it at all.
**[09:45] Anna**
He's chickening out.
**[09:47] Anna**
You're embarrassed about falling
for that cheap, little trap,
**[09:50] Anna**
so you want to get out of
here ASAP. I understand.
**[09:52] Alvin**
Can you not bring it up again?
**[09:54] Carla**
It's all right.
**[09:56] Carla**
It appears our bold front-liner
is chickening out.
**[09:59] Carla**
Very well.
**[10:01] Carla**
I'll open it instead.
**[10:03] Carla**
The giant chicken can just stand back there.
**[10:06] Carla**
My hopes aren't particularly high,
**[10:09] Carla**
but come demon, come serpent...
**[10:11] Carla**
come snake...
**[10:13] Carla**
come viper...
**[10:15] Carla**
Actually, what if it's a *really* big snake?
**[10:20] Alvin**
Ka-boom!
**[10:22] Carla**
Wh-Wh-What are you doing?!
**[10:24] Alvin**
Sorry, I couldn't help it.
**[10:25] Anna**
Don't shout at people like that!
**[10:27] Alvin**
I'm really sorry!
**[10:28] Anna**
You'll pay for this!
**[10:29] Carla**
Unforgivable!
**[10:30] Carla**
Sue-the-pants-off-you Stance!
**[10:32] Anna**
She's revealed it!
That ancient martial arts stance!
**[10:35] Carla**
I'll ruin you! I'll see you in court!
**[10:45] Alvin**
Who are you again?
**[10:46] Mimic**
Who am I again?
**[10:48] Mimic**
I'm a mimic.
**[10:50] Mimic**
I was in there!
**[10:51] Carla**
In there?
**[10:55] Mimic**
Now, look at what you've done!
**[10:57] Alvin**
What?
**[10:58] Mimic**
I've been waiting in there for three days.
**[11:01] Mimic**
And now it's all for nothing!
**[11:03] Alvin**
I really didn't mean any harm!
**[11:05] Anna**
The poor little guy! You're so mean!
**[11:08] Carla**
Mayor Mean of Mean City.
**[11:10] Mimic**
First, you wasted so much time falling
into that stupid, little pit trap!
**[11:14] Mimic**
I was supposed to be the main event here!
**[11:16] Alvin**
But she said there were no traps!
**[11:18] Mimic**
Really scaring you guys could've
been my ticket to a promotion!
**[11:23] Anna**
My trap detection skill
doesn't pick up mimics!
**[11:26] Mimic**
I'm getting a pay cut for this for sure!
**[11:28] Carla**
Anna-san, he's still just a beginner.
**[11:31] Mimic**
You heard that?
**[11:35] Carla**
I'm sorry about our little fool.
**[11:37] Carla**
He's still learning. Please forgive him.
**[11:40] Carla**
But he is an excellent
cooking appliance, so...
**[11:45] Alvin**
Not sure how that's supposed
to make him feel better.
**[11:47] Carla**
Besides, I think you've just
misunderstood something.
**[11:51] Carla**
That was just a rehearsal.
**[11:54] Mimic**
A rehearsal?
**[11:55] Carla**
Of course!
**[11:57] Carla**
Even the world's best dancer can't go
from zero to the stage in one night!
**[12:01] Carla**
A professional performance
demands a rehearsal!
**[12:04] Mimic**
That's true!
**[12:06] Mimic**
Yeah, I thought something felt off there!
**[12:09] Mimic**
Of course! It's a rehearsal!
**[12:10] Mimic**
So you were testing how
well my pit trap worked!
**[12:13] Mimic**
Of course!
**[12:14] Mimic**
I didn't *think* anybody would be stupid
enough to fall into that silly little trap!
**[12:19] Carla**
Of course!
**[12:20] Carla**
No one except for an adventurer
with beginner level 100!
**[12:24] sign**
C'mon, open it! At least try?
**[12:25] Mimic**
Does that mean this is the real performance?
**[12:28] Carla**
Yes!
**[12:29] Mimic**
Great!
**[12:30] Mimic**
I'm *really* gonna scare you this time!
**[12:33] Carla**
And I'm going to be more
scared than ever before!
**[12:36] Mimic**
I can't wait!
**[12:39] Alvin**
Can we get this over with?
**[12:40] Mimic**
I'm counting on you!
**[12:44] Alvin**
You got it backwards!
**[12:47] Anna**
Okay!
**[12:48] Anna**
We'll start from Carla-chan
opening the treasure chest!
**[12:52] Anna**
Six seconds to roll!
**[12:54] Anna**
Five, four, three...
**[12:56] Carla**
My goodness! I've stumbled
upon a random treasure chest!
**[13:00] Anna**
Huh? What?
**[13:02] Alvin**
I don't think she understands
what a countdown is.
**[13:04] Carla**
What luck!
**[13:06] Carla**
It must be good karma!
**[13:09] Carla**
I should really get to opening it!
**[13:12] Carla**
I'm opening it now!
**[13:13] Carla**
I'm opening up on the count of three!
**[13:16] Mimic**
On the count of three, right?
**[13:18] Mimic**
Okay...
**[13:19] Carla**
Ten!
**[13:19] Mimic**
She's starting from 10?
**[13:20] Carla**
Nine! Wait a minute...
**[13:22] Carla**
What if there's a mimic in this chest?
**[13:24] Mimic**
Sh-She's sharp!
**[13:26] Mimic**
Does she know I'm in here?
**[13:27] Carla**
That could really be trouble.
**[13:30] Carla**
I've heard that mimics are
very frightening monsters!
**[13:33] Carla**
That their true form is that
of a nightmare turned flesh!
**[13:37] Carla**
Six arms, eight legs...
**[13:39] Carla**
Countless tentacles sprouting
from their heads!
**[13:42] Carla**
They're surely nothing like the
monsters you see in picture books,
**[13:45] Carla**
childish, little monsters with a
single eye and small horns...
**[13:51] Carla**
There's no way a real mimic
could be something that silly.
**[13:54] Carla**
And even if they were, that would simply
be a disguise to get our guard down.
**[13:57] Carla**
Surely, deep down,
they are truly terrifying monsters!
**[14:01] Carla**
When it really counts, they'll manifest
the most terrifying visage imaginable!
**[14:08] Carla**
Just imagining it has me trembling in fear!
**[14:12] Carla**
However! As an adventurer, I cannot
refuse the treasure chest's call!
**[14:17] Carla**
No matter what horrifying
creature waits within!
**[14:22] Carla**
Pray for me!
**[14:30] Carla**
It's locked.
**[14:31] Alvin**
Much like your heart.
**[14:42] Alvin**
I think there's a fracture.
**[14:44] Alvin**
It might even be broken!
**[14:46] Carla**
It's really swelling!
**[14:48] Carla**
Does it hurt?
**[14:49] Alvin**
The pain-relieving herbs are doing their
thing, so I feel fine for now, but...
**[14:53] Kinoko**
But it's lucky you weren't
hurt worse than that.
**[14:57] Alvin**
Yeah, that was pretty scary.
**[14:59] Alvin**
Never thought we'd run into a cyclops!
**[15:03] Alvin**
And...
**[15:05] Alvin**
That she'd be changing when we did.
**[15:16] Alvin**
She really got me hard out of nowhere.
**[15:19] Alvin**
I'm lucky it wasn't worse, but...
**[15:21] Anna**
No young girl likes to be walked
in on while she's changing!
**[15:24] Alvin**
I was more surprised that
she was a young girl!
**[15:27] Alvin**
Still, Carla really saved me this time.
**[15:31] Anna**
True, you'd have been in real
trouble if not for Carla-chan.
**[15:35] Carla**
I r-really didn't do anything...
**[15:37] Anna**
No need to be modest, Carla-chan!
**[15:40] Carla**
Really?
**[15:41] Carla**
In that case...
**[15:42] Carla**
Worship me!
**[15:43] Alvin**
Stow it!
**[15:45] Alvin**
But thanks to Carla...
**[15:47] (Flashback) Carla**
Are you all right?
**[15:49] (Flashback) Alvin**
That was close. Even the
glancing blow hurts like hell.
**[15:53] (Flashback) Alvin**
Anyway, for now we should run—
**[15:55] (Flashback) Alvin**
Hey, Carla!
**[15:57] (Flashback) Carla**
I b-beg your pardon!
**[15:59] (Flashback) Alvin**
Stupid! Get away!
**[16:01] (Flashback) Alvin**
Carla! What in the world are you—
**[16:03] (Flashback) Alvin**
That lingerie! Is that from
the new spring collection?!
**[16:07] (Flashback) Alvin**
What is she talking about?
**[16:08] (Flashback) Alvin**
Look at that face! She's totally baffled!
**[16:11] (Flashback) Cyclops Lady**
Wow, you recognize it?!
**[16:12] (Flashback) Alvin**
She understands?!
**[16:14] (Flashback) Carla**
I sure do!
**[16:16] (Flashback) Carla**
That capital city brand,
"Scent of a Dwarf," right?
**[16:19] (Flashback) Carla**
You've got great taste!
**[16:21] (Flashback) Cyclops Lady**
Wow, you can tell?
**[16:23] (Flashback) Cyclops Lady**
You're so right!
**[16:24] (Flashback) Cyclops Lady**
I'm on my way to fight a
nearby village's garrison!
**[16:28] (Flashback) Carla**
I see! They're your go-for-it panties, then?
**[16:31] Cyclops Lady**
Yes, pink for spring!
**[16:31] (Flashback) Anna**
Okay, the boys wait over there!
**[16:33] Cyclops Lady**
Charming, aren't they?
**[16:34] (Flashback) Anna**
This is girl-talk time!
**[16:34] (Flashback) Carla**
They look great on you!
**[16:36] (Flashback) Alvin**
Is that what "go-for-it panties" means?
**[16:39] Alvin**
Thanks to Carla distracting
her, nothing happened.
**[16:44] Alvin**
Yes, nothing happened at all...
**[16:46] Alvin**
No heart-racing, pulse-pounding battle...
**[16:49] Alvin**
Of course... it's always best to
avoid conflict if you can, but...
**[16:54] Carla**
I'm sorry I'm more talented
than a certain front-liner.
**[16:57] Alvin**
Knock it off.
**[16:58] Alvin**
But what happened with that monster, anyway?
**[17:01] Carla**
We exchanged contact information.
**[17:04] (Flashback) Cyclops Lady**
Let's go shopping some time!
**[17:06] Alvin**
You're pretty good at
talking things out, huh?
**[17:10] Carla**
At any rate, I need to heal you!
**[17:13] Alvin**
R-Right.
**[17:14] Alvin**
Hey, are you going to use
proper healing magic?
**[17:17] Alvin**
I mean, you're a healer, so this
shouldn't be that surprising...
**[17:21] Carla**
You defended me earlier, so...
**[17:24] Carla**
But forget that. Healing comes first.
**[17:26] Alvin**
S-Sure. Get to it.
**[17:40] Carla**
Bwaaaaaa!
**[17:41] Alvin**
Shut up!
**[17:43] Alvin**
Hey! Do you really have to yell that loud?!
**[17:46] Carla**
Son of a bitch!
**[17:47] Alvin**
Wait! Hold on a minute!
**[17:50] Alvin**
And stop shouting!
**[17:52] Alvin**
Stop it!
**[17:52] Carla**
Fwakyuu!
**[17:53] Alvin**
Knock it off!
**[17:55] Carla**
What's wrong with you?
**[17:56] Carla**
Could you please not stop me
in the middle of healing you?
**[18:00] Carla**
Harrumph!
**[18:02] Alvin**
I had to stop you!
**[18:03] Alvin**
If your "chant" involves screaming
names at me, I'm going to stop you!
**[18:06] Alvin**
And what was "Fwakyuu" thing?
**[18:08] Carla**
Very well. I'll do it properly.
**[18:11] Alvin**
Then what was that last one?!
**[18:13] Carla**
Ryoko-san, could you fetch me a cloth?
**[18:16] Ryoko**
Certainly, Carla-san.
**[18:20] Alvin**
Is Ryoko-san just our bag of holding now?
**[18:24] Carla**
Ryoko-san has a very
high-level storage skill!
**[18:27] Ryoko**
I appreciate that!
**[18:29] Alvin**
Is "storage" what this really is?
**[18:32] Alvin**
So, what are you going
to do with that cloth?
**[18:34] Carla**
Well, just watch.
**[18:36] Carla**
It's a completely ordinary cloth.
**[18:38] Carla**
If I place it over your arm...
**[18:40] Carla**
I'll infuse it with power,
then remove it on the count of three.
**[18:44] Alvin**
Looks pretty much like
what you did last time.
**[18:46] Carla**
One, two...
**[18:48] Alvin**
She really doesn't understand
the concept of a countdown.
**[18:50] Alvin**
What?!
**[18:51] Alvin**
The swelling's gone?
**[18:52] Alvin**
And it almost seems kind of shiny now...
**[18:55] Alvin**
It was sleight-of-hand?!
**[18:57] Carla**
It was hand power!
**[18:59] Alvin**
Incredible, I guess!
**[19:06] Alvin**
It really was pretty surprising, though...
**[19:09] Carla**
What are you talking about now?
**[19:11] Alvin**
I just can't believe you can
use normal healing magic.
**[19:15] Alvin**
Though I guess that wasn't
exactly "normal," anyway...
**[19:17] Carla**
Are you saying you thought I
couldn't use real magic before?!
**[19:22] Alvin**
Well, given your history and all.
**[19:24] Carla**
You mean you thought I was
merely a beautiful girl
**[19:28] Carla**
overflowing with motherly instinct,
intelligence, and love?
**[19:31] Carla**
You flatter me.
**[19:32] Alvin**
I didn't think that.
**[19:33] Alvin**
Though, to be honest...
you are pretty amazing.
**[19:36] Alvin**
You seem to have powerful magical skills,
**[19:40] Alvin**
despite the whole "personality" thing...
**[19:42] Anna**
There you are!
**[19:43] Alvin**
But a guy my age still
doesn't have any stars,
**[19:47] Alvin**
and other adventurers still
call me the "veteran rookie."
**[19:51] Alvin**
Lately, I've been thinking that a weirdo
like you might be a good match for me.
**[19:55] Kinoko**
Over there!
**[19:56] Alvin**
If you were more normal, you'd probably
be part of a different party,
**[20:01] Alvin**
and I'd probably still be solo.
**[20:04] Anna**
Got you this time!
**[20:05] Alvin**
You've dealt me your share
of psychological damage...
**[20:09] Alvin**
but... you know...
**[20:12] Alvin**
I guess I should say...
**[20:14] Alvin**
Thank you.
**[20:16] Alvin**
Let's keep working together.
**[20:20] Kinoko**
What? Where'd she go?
**[20:23] Carla**
E-Enough of those fully
justified words of gratitude!
**[20:26] Carla**
B-Besides, I-I'm the bun choose
happy... joined a party...
**[20:33] Carla**
w-w-with...
**[20:35] Carla**
Just be grateful!
**[20:37] Alvin**
This is what I'm talking about!
**[20:44] Alvin**
Time to head out, I think.
**[20:47] Celia**
Help me!
**[20:52] Celia**
Help me!
**[20:56] Alvin**
"I am the Dwarf mayor."
***SIGN*** I am the Dwarf mayor.
The great sorcerer of darkness, Dorman,
is attacking our village to try
to steal our sacred artifact.
If Dorman retrieves the artifact,
the world will be destroyed.
Brave warrior, I beg of you,
foil Dorman's plot! Please!
**[20:58] Alvin**
"The great sorcerer of darkness, Dorman,
**[21:01] Alvin**
is attacking our village to try
to steal our sacred artifact.
**[21:04] Alvin**
If Dorman retrieves the artifact,
the world will be destroyed."
**[21:10] Alvin**
"Brave warrior, I beg of you,
foil Dorman's plot! Please!"
**[21:15] Celia**
My grandpa is the mayor.
**[21:17] Celia**
He told me to give that message
to a nice-looking person.
**[21:21] Celia**
He got me out, but then he got captured
with the rest of the villagers...
**[21:26] Celia**
Please, save them all!
**[21:29] Kinoko**
Dorman is a major bad guy who leads an
army of magically-crafted soldiers!
**[21:34] Alvin**
Dorman, eh?
**[21:36] Alvin**
I've certainly heard of him.
**[21:38] Alvin**
His magic power is five-star...
**[21:39] Alvin**
No, likely far greater than that.
**[21:44] Carla**
Zero-star lol-in-parentheses
Alvin-san doesn't stand a chance.
***SIGN*** Next Time
**[23:25] Alvin**
They called us in for the preview?!
**[23:27] Carla**
This is the last episode, after all!
**[23:28] Alvin**
Really?
**[23:29] Kinoko**
You didn't know?
**[23:30] Anna**
We all get slain by the bad guys.
**[23:32] Alvin**
No way!
**[23:33] Ryoko**
You'll have to watch and see!
**[23:35] Alvin**
I really can't wait!
**[23:36] All**
Watch it, everyone!
***SIGN*** "We've reached the final episode at last and the entire staff including
those on the manga side would like to thank you all for watching but
because the manga doesn't yet contain a story that could be used for a
final episode this is basically going to be a totally original story although we
made sure to get the dwarf character designs and lines and ideas from
the creator Hakko-sensei so we were able to make it feel consistent
but it's also sad to reach the end at last and while we'd really like to
spend more time with Carla and Alvin and the others please remember that
their adventures will continue in the manga so continue to support them
there but anyway thank you so much for watching and once more from the
bottom of our hearts we'd like to say thank you so much
and that's the deal with episode 12 (final episode)"
***SIGN*** See you then!
**[23:38] Carla**
We've reached the—
# E12 - We've reached the final episode at last...
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GG1U2329Z/weve-reached-the-final-episode-at-last)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:03] Alvin**
The village is completely abandoned!
**[00:05] Carla**
A reflection of Alvin-san's
chronic unpopularity?!
**[00:09] Alvin**
People wouldn't disappear from a
village because I'm unpopular!
**[00:12] Alvin**
More likely, they heard you
were coming and ran off!
**[00:16] Carla**
If they knew I was coming,
they'd be lining up to shake my hand!
**[00:21] Ryoko**
It's all right, Celia-chan.
**[00:23] Ryoko**
I promise we'll save the dwarves.
**[00:26] Carla**
Dwarves... a race with which
we do not get along well.
**[00:30] Alvin**
Do elves and dwarves have
some kind of history?
**[00:34] Carla**
Yes.
**[00:35] Carla**
I once tried to get a dwarf-owned clothing
shop to knock down their prices, and failed.
**[00:39] Alvin**
That's a *personal* history!
**[00:41] Alvin**
It's got nothing to do with your race!
**[00:42] Kinoko**
Hey!
**[00:44] Kinoko**
I looked all around, but they
weren't in the village.
**[00:47] Anna**
Here, either.
**[00:47] Anna**
They must have been taken off somewhere!
**[00:50] Alvin**
I see.
**[00:51] Carla**
But I'll make sure there
are no hidden injured.
**[00:54] Alvin**
You've got a spell for that?
**[00:56] Carla**
I have a healer's ability to locate
the weakened and vulnerable.
**[01:00] Alvin**
Sounds like a predator seeking out prey...
**[01:04] Carla**
Then... O, sacred power.
**[01:06] Carla**
I pray thee, let me save
the injured and abandoned.
**[01:10] Carla**
Reveal to me the location
of the sad and the weak.
**[01:13] Alvin**
Wow, looks like it's really working!
**[01:15] Alvin**
Nah, it's creepy.
**[01:18] Carla**
Seek them!
**[01:20] Alvin**
If we find any weakened nearby,
I guess we'll have to save them.
**[01:24] Carla**
I'm picking up something nearby!
**[01:26] Carla**
And they're indeed in
quite a weakened state!
**[01:28] Alvin**
What? Where are they?!
**[01:33] Alvin**
I'm not particularly weakened...
**[01:35] Carla**
Yeah, sorry. You were weak from the start.
**[01:38] Alvin**
Please! I'm very resilient!
**[01:41] Kinoko**
But how are we supposed to save the people
if we don't know where they been taken?
**[01:46] Anna**
Good question...
**[01:47] Celia**
I heard!
**[01:49] Celia**
The bad people took them
into the castle dungeon!
**[01:52] Celia**
Over there!
**[01:54] Alvin**
Definitely the kind of place
you'd expect to find a villain.
***SIGN*** Don't Hurt Me,
***SIGN*** Don't Hurt Me,
***SIGN*** My Healer!
***SIGN*** We've reached the final episode at last...
**[02:02] Anna**
Oh, I'm so worried!
**[02:04] Anna**
I just hope they're doing okay!
**[02:06] Kinoko**
Calm down already.
**[02:08] Kinoko**
They'll be fine.
**[02:09] Anna**
What are you talking about?
**[02:10] Kinoko**
Hush! Celia-chan finally got to sleep!
**[02:14] Anna**
They're up against Dorman,
a tried-and-true villain!
**[02:17] Kinoko**
It's true, I doubt Big Sis's fast-talk
abilities will do much here.
**[02:21] Anna**
Right?
**[02:23] Anna**
I sure hope they come back safely!
**[02:25] Anna**
Carla-chan...
**[02:32] Alvin**
What's that you've got there?
**[02:33] Carla**
Camouflage.
**[02:35] Alvin**
You stand out like a sore
thumb. Knock it off.
**[02:36] Alvin**
Get down!
**[02:38] Brigan**
Hey. What's up, brothers?
**[02:40] Brigan**
Anything sign of trouble?
**[02:42] Alvin**
That's...
**[02:43] Carla**
Prison!
**[02:44] Alvin**
It's *Brigan*...
**[02:46] Alvin**
And that's certainly a
unique way of laying low.
**[02:48] Brigin**
No one's coming to this rotten place.
**[02:50] Brigun**
And the dwarves still won't tell
you where the artifact is?
**[02:55] Brigan**
Yeah, and I don't wanna
get too rough with them.
**[02:58] Brigan**
They're first-rate craftsmen.
**[03:00] Brigan**
They'll fetch big money if we can
sell them in good condition.
**[03:03] Carla**
So he's working with Dorman?
**[03:06] Alvin**
Looks like...
**[03:07] Alvin**
He's a disgrace to the name "adventurer"!
**[03:10] Ryoko**
Scouting complete.
**[03:11] Alvin**
Great!
**[03:12] Ryoko**
On the castle's left side, there's a
walled-in building that looks like a prison.
**[03:17] Alvin**
Right.
**[03:18] Alvin**
Thankfully, tonight's a new moon.
**[03:20] Alvin**
We can break in under cover of darkness.
**[03:22] Alvin**
Stay quiet, all right?
**[03:24] Alvin**
No talking from here on out!
**[03:26] Alvin**
Wh-What now?!
**[03:33] Alvin**
Your hand signals are really annoying!
**[03:35] Carla**
My idea was, "Let's have Ryoko-san
carry us inside the wall."
**[03:39] Alvin**
How was I supposed to know that?!
**[03:40] Alvin**
Wait, can you really do that?
**[03:42] Ryoko**
If it's just the two of you,
I can carry you inside my body.
**[03:47] Alvin**
Inside your dre—
**[03:49] Carla**
Inside her pack.
**[03:57] Ryoko**
We're here.
**[03:59] Ryoko**
Stay quiet.
**[04:00] Ryoko**
There are two magic warriors
standing guard outside the wall.
**[04:04] Ryoko**
The prison itself has a dark spell
cast upon it, so I cannot enter.
**[04:08] Ryoko**
Take care.
**[04:10] Alvin**
Sure thing. Thanks!
**[04:12] Alvin**
No sign of guards, eh?
**[04:14] Carla**
And the doors are wide open!
**[04:16] Alvin**
Good thing Brigan's so sloppy.
**[04:19] Dwarf1**
What, here to question us again?!
**[04:21] Dwarf2**
We'll never tell you where the artifact is!
**[04:24] Alvin**
Hush! Be quiet!
**[04:26] Alvin**
The guards outside will hear you.
**[04:28] Alvin**
We're on your side!
**[04:29] Carla**
Indeed.
**[04:30] Carla**
With a heart of benevolence and mercy...
**[04:33] Carla**
I've come to save you dwarves,
whom I don't even like!
**[04:36] Alvin**
Shut up! You're making things complicated!
**[04:38] Alvin**
I-Is the mayor here?
**[04:41] Mayor**
I am the mayor.
***SIGN*** I am the Dwarf mayor.
The great sorcerer of darkness,
Dorman, is attacking our village
to try to steal our sacred artifact.
If Dorman retrieves the artifact,
the world will be destroyed.
Brave warrior, I beg of you,
foil Dorman's plot! Please!
I am the Dwarf mayor.
**[04:44] Mayor**
I see.
**[04:46] Mayor**
So you're the ones who
saved my granddaughter!
**[04:48] Mayor**
I can't thank you enough.
**[04:50] Carla**
She's hiding in a safe place for now.
**[04:52] Alvin**
Dorman's after your artifact, I hear.
**[04:55] Mayor**
Yes.
**[04:56] Mayor**
The artifact has sacred power
that can drive off dark magic.
**[05:00] Mayor**
Dorman fears it.
**[05:03] Mayor**
This castle is a fortress
built by our ancestors.
**[05:07] Mayor**
It's in ruins now,
**[05:09] Mayor**
but the artifact is hidden
deep in its depths.
**[05:12] Mayor**
I'll tell you where to find it.
**[05:14] Mayor**
Will you defeat Dorman and save us all?
**[05:18] Alvin**
What is it?
**[05:19] Carla**
If you want to ask for someone's help,
**[05:21] Carla**
shouldn't you kneel down in front
of them and press your forehead—
**[05:22] Alvin**
Can you not?!
**[05:25] Mayor**
We beg of you!
**[05:27] Dwarves**
Please!
**[05:34] Alvin**
It took time to collect what we
needed, but we made it inside.
**[05:38] Alvin**
A fork already?
**[05:40] Alvin**
Do we go straight here?
**[05:41] Carla**
Yes.
**[05:42] Carla**
Go straight and you'll hit a pit trap.
**[05:45] Alvin**
Don't say "yes" first.
**[05:46] Carla**
I'll be more careful.
**[05:48] Alvin**
A dead end.
**[05:49] Alvin**
It's been quite a maze so far.
**[05:51] Alvin**
You think we took a wrong turn?
**[05:53] Carla**
We've been following the map the
mayor drew for us to a T.
**[05:57] Carla**
But if we press the triangle lithograph—
**[05:59] Alvin**
I see. A hidden door?
**[06:01] Carla**
No, it springs a pit trap.
**[06:04] Alvin**
Thanks again!
**[06:07] Alvin**
Talk faster next time!
**[06:08] Carla**
I'll be more careful.
**[06:10] Carla**
The artifact should be inside this room.
**[06:13] Alvin**
He told you how to open this door, right?
**[06:15] Carla**
Yes.
**[06:16] Carla**
If you turn the rightmost
statue ninety degrees left...
**[06:19] Alvin**
Got it. If I turn it left—
**[06:21] Alvin**
Will it spring a trap?
**[06:22] Carla**
Yes, and you'll have a perfect
sweep of the pit traps.
**[06:25] Alvin**
That's not a good thing!
**[06:27] Carla**
You weren't refining your special talent?
**[06:29] Alvin**
I never embraced that at a talent!
**[06:31] Alvin**
And I feel bad for making Ryoko-chan
save me every time I fall!
**[06:35] Alvin**
Just tell me the right way
to do things already!
**[06:37] Carla**
No fun...
**[06:44] Alvin**
Dwarven technology is incredible!
**[06:47] Alvin**
Look at all this!
**[06:48] Carla**
Dwarves make incredible lingerie, as well.
**[06:51] Alvin**
Underwear's not really on the same level!
**[06:54] Alvin**
Is that the artifact?!
**[06:55] Carla**
It does appear so.
**[06:57] Alvin**
I doubt it'll be trapped,
but wait here just in case.
**[07:00] Carla**
Right.
**[07:01] Alvin**
Not quite what I expected...
**[07:04] Dorman**
Thanks for showing me the way.
**[07:06] Alvin**
What?!
**[07:07] Brigan**
Lord Dorman sees all!
**[07:10] Alvin**
Brigan! And is that...
**[07:13] Alvin**
The great sorcerer of darkness, Dorman?!
**[07:15] Dorman**
I noticed dark elf magic about...
**[07:18] Dorman**
And it's truly led me to the jackpot!
**[07:20] Carla**
My magic? You mean, you noticed my charms?!
**[07:23] Dorman**
No, your literal magic.
**[07:24] Brigan**
You can't notice what doesn't exist!
**[07:27] Dorman**
Now, hand over the crown!
**[07:30] Alvin**
Not a chance!
**[07:31] Carla**
Wait a minute, Alvin-san!
**[07:33] Carla**
I'll handle this!
**[07:35] Carla**
Aren't you skipping an obligatory
evil boss character line right now?
**[07:39] Dorman**
Oh? And what's that?
**[07:41] Carla**
You're supposed to offer to
give us half the world!
**[07:44] Carla**
We might be willing to negotiate!
**[07:46] Alvin**
That's not a thing good guys say!
**[07:48] Dorman**
Sorry, but I'm not here to negotiate...
**[07:51] Dorman**
But hand it over and I'll be willing
to make you soldiers in my army.
**[07:55] Brigan**
What do you think, Alvin?
**[07:57] Brigan**
I'll certainly put you to good use!
**[07:59] Carla**
No, *I'll* put him to good use!
**[08:01] Alvin**
I don't want either!
**[08:03] Dorman**
In that case...
**[08:09] Ryoko**
Carla-san!
**[08:10] Alvin**
Damn it! Let go of Carla!
**[08:13] Dorman**
Well? Ready to give me the crown yet?!
**[08:21] Anna**
Are you all right, Carla-chan?
**[08:23] Carla**
Anna-san! Thank you!
**[08:24] Anna**
I got worried and had to come!
**[08:26] Anna**
Alvin, now!
**[08:27] Alvin**
Okay!
**[08:28] Alvin**
Hear me, artifact! Destroy the dark magic!
**[08:31] Dorman**
Fool!
**[08:37] Alvin**
Why...?!
**[08:38] Ryoko**
Alvin-san!
**[08:40] Anna**
Alvin!
**[08:42] Brigan**
Drop that weapon, now!
**[08:45] Brigan**
Now, bring me the crown...
**[08:47] Brigan**
Unless you *want* me to start
carving up her face?
**[08:50] Carla**
Don't do it! Run!
**[08:51] Carla**
Forget about me!
**[08:53] Carla**
Go, before they take the crown!
**[08:55] Anna**
But...
**[08:55] Carla**
I'll be safe as long as I have
value to them as a hostage.
**[09:00] Carla**
Besides, just once, I wanted to
sound like a real female lead!
**[09:04] Anna**
S-Sure...
**[09:06] Anna**
Ryoko-chan, we're getting out of here!
**[09:08] Ryoko**
Right!
**[09:08] Dorman**
You won't escape!
**[09:13] Dorman**
Throw the girl in the dungeon!
**[09:15] Dorman**
Find them! And take the crown!
**[09:19] Brigan**
Aren't you lucky you have value to us?
**[09:22] Brigan**
Dark elves fetch a high price, after all...
**[09:35] Brigan**
Ain't this a pretty picture?
**[09:36] Brigan**
The disaster land mine healer
is abandoned by her partner
**[09:39] Brigan**
and ends up all alone again!
**[09:41] Carla**
Alvin-san *will* come to save me!
**[09:44] Carla**
If there's one thing he understands,
it's how to read the mood!
**[09:46] Carla**
Give that back!
**[09:47] Brigan**
Nuh-uh!
**[09:49] Brigan**
I'm taking this as payment
for the time you kicked me.
**[09:52] Brigan**
Now stay in there and be good.
**[09:52] Carla**
Give it back! Give it back!
**[09:55] Carla**
Prison!
**[09:57] Mayor**
Was that thing really that important to you?
**[10:00] Carla**
Certainly nack!
***SIGN*** Ack
**[10:02] Carla**
It's not a memento of the first
dungeon I ever beat or anythack!
***SIGN*** Ack
**[10:06] Mayor**
You're a very transparent one.
**[10:08] Mayor**
But that adventurer partner of yours...
**[10:11] Mayor**
Are you sure he can handle this?
**[10:16] Carla**
Alvin-san...
**[10:18] Alvin**
I see.
**[10:19] Alvin**
Carla let herself be captured.
**[10:22] Kinoko**
Big Sis...
**[10:23] Ryoko**
I'm sorry. I wish I'd been able to do more.
**[10:26] Anna**
You did the best you could!
**[10:27] Alvin**
I'd like to go save her right away, but...
**[10:30] Anna**
If the artifact is useless...
**[10:32] Anna**
Isn't there anything we can do?
**[10:35] Alvin**
Hey, how far away from the castle are we?
**[10:38] Anna**
At least two kilometers, I'm sure.
**[10:41] Alvin**
The death-upon-separation
curse didn't activate!
**[10:44] Ryoko**
What? Where did Altargaia-san go?
**[10:47] Alvin**
You don't think he went to
save Carla all on his own?!
**[10:50] Anna**
If he left without telling us,
it means he probably ran away!
**[10:52] Alvin**
Not that I can blame him...
**[10:54] Anna**
But you haven't run away.
**[10:56] Anna**
Even though you said you'd ditch this
party on the spot if not for the curse...
**[10:59] Alvin**
Party, eh?
**[11:02] Alvin**
You're right. I guess I'd better.
**[11:04] Alvin**
Yeah, I'll run away!
**[11:06] Alvin**
It's not like I stand a chance,
with this thing being busted and all...
**[11:09] Artifact**
Blasphemer!
**[11:10] Alvin**
It talked!
**[11:11] Alvin**
Wh-What the...
**[11:14] Artifact**
My power waxes and wanes with the moon!
**[11:18] Artifact**
Tonight is a new moon,
when my power is at its weakest!
**[11:22] Artifact**
That is why Dorman chose *this* day to strike!
**[11:27] Alvin**
And that's why your power
didn't activate then?
**[11:29] Artifact**
But there is a way to restore my power.
**[11:32] Artifact**
Have a healer cast a spell on me!
**[11:35] Alvin**
A healer?
**[11:36] Artifact**
A powerful healing spell will
let me use my full powers!
**[11:43] Alvin**
Can I ask you a question?
**[11:45] Alvin**
There was a strange curse on me that
seems to have abruptly broken.
**[11:48] Alvin**
Is it because of you?
**[11:49] Artifact**
It is possible!
**[11:51] Artifact**
Holy power likely purged it naturally!
**[11:54] Alvin**
I see...
**[11:55] Alvin**
Then even if I leave Carla
behind, I wouldn't die?
**[11:59] Artifact**
Carla? Is that the girl
you were with earlier?
**[12:02] Alvin**
Yeah...
**[12:03] Artifact**
There's something I must tell you!
**[12:05] Artifact**
You and that girl carry a powerful
bond from a previous life!
**[12:09] Alvin**
What?!
**[12:10] Artifact**
It happened half a century ago!
**[12:12] Artifact**
You were elves, and you were in love.
**[12:16] Artifact**
But your clan was destroyed by the armies
of the great sorcerer of darkness.
**[12:20] Artifact**
You swore that you'd be
reunited in your new lives!
**[12:24] Artifact**
And now, though you've lost your
memories of your past lives,
**[12:28] Artifact**
that bond of destiny has
brought you back together!
**[12:31] Alvin**
Carla and I were...
**[12:33] Artifact**
And if you defeat that dark sorcerer,
your sworn enemy,
**[12:36] Artifact**
you will be bonded forever in true love!
**[12:40] Alvin**
True love?!
**[12:42] Alvin**
Wait a minute... Half a century ago?
**[12:45] Alvin**
Carla might look like a kid in human terms,
**[12:47] Alvin**
but I'm pretty sure she's
been alive for 72 years!
**[12:49] Artifact**
W-Well, that's...
**[12:51] Anna**
And if they were in love in a past life,
**[12:54] Anna**
wouldn't they get along a little better now?
**[12:56] Ryoko**
That's true.
**[12:59] Artifact**
Fine, I guess it didn't work!
**[13:02] Artifact**
I thought that little speech
might help motivate you, but...
**[13:05] Alvin**
Are you kidding me?!
**[13:06] Artifact**
Escape!
**[13:07] Alvin**
Not a chance!
**[13:08] Artifact**
I'm sorry! Forgive me!
**[13:10] Alvin**
I am this party's warrior!
**[13:12] Alvin**
I *will* fulfill my role!
**[13:14] Alvin**
Even if I am beginner level 100,
**[13:16] Alvin**
and adventurer rank lol-in-parentheses!
**[13:19] Alvin**
I will not abandon the ideals of justice!
**[13:22] Artifact**
Hang on... Are you really that weak?
**[13:24] Alvin**
I shouldn't have said anything.
**[13:28] Ryoko**
I don't see any lookouts.
**[13:29] Alvin**
It seems like a total trap, but...
**[13:32] Artifact**
You hear me?
**[13:33] Artifact**
First, place me at the center
of the magic-sealing circle!
**[13:37] Artifact**
I'll break the barrier with my holy power.
**[13:40] Artifact**
Then you can use magic,
even within the dungeon!
**[13:45] Artifact**
Wh-What's wrong?
**[13:46] Artifact**
Sorry, I guess my magic's
way too low for that...
**[13:49] Alvin**
You are so useless!
**[13:52] Alvin**
Darn it... what would we have done if
**[13:54] Alvin**
Ryoko-san hadn't lent me her cleaning supplies?!
**[13:57] Artifact**
She seems like a very useful maid!
**[13:59] Alvin**
Way more useful than you!
**[14:01] Alvin**
Damn you, Brigan!
**[14:02] Alvin**
Of course he locked it!
**[14:04] Alvin**
Ryoko-chan, I need you!
**[14:06] Ryoko**
Right!
**[14:08] Ryoko**
Here we are!
**[14:10] Carla**
You call? I come!
**[14:13] Carla**
It's Carla!
**[14:14] Alvin**
I'll be annoyed about that later!
**[14:15] Alvin**
First, cast a powerful healing
spell on this crown!
**[14:18] Carla**
Righty-o!
**[14:19] Carla**
Ryoko-san told me everything!
**[14:21] Carla**
Here I go!
**[14:22] Carla**
Holy power, infuse this crown
with the light of resurrection!
**[14:28] Carla**
I'm infusing it with my spirit, too!
**[14:30] Alvin**
Evil spirit?!
**[14:32] Carla**
I'm in no position to
entertain your bad jokes!
**[14:36] Artifact**
I feel sick!
**[14:39] Carla**
How do you feel, Artifact-san?
**[14:42] Artifact**
It was a good try, but your
magic power was insufficient!
**[14:44] Alvin**
It's hopeless, then?
**[14:47] Alvin**
What?!
**[14:48] Dorman**
That was quite an amusing show!
**[14:54] Brigan**
Give up already, Alvin!
**[14:57] Alvin**
They knew we were here!
**[14:59] Alvin**
Ryoko-chan, get us out!
**[15:00] Ryoko**
Right!
**[15:02] Carla**
Ryoko-san!
**[15:03] Dorman**
You won't escape!
**[15:05] Brigan**
I'm gonna give you a beating
before I take that crown.
**[15:09] Brigan**
Get it, Alvin-san?
**[15:10] Brigin**
Then, I'll take the healer.
**[15:12] Brigun**
I get the immobilized maid? No fun.
**[15:14] Alvin**
Damn it! What do we do?
**[15:16] Alvin**
If we could escape now, we could try
again under the full moon, but...
**[15:21] Carla**
Alvin-san...
**[15:24] Alvin**
Is it all over?!
**[15:26] Carla**
Not yet!
**[15:27] Alvin**
Carla!
**[15:28] Carla**
For the sake of the mayor
who groveled before me,
**[15:30] Carla**
I will not give up the artifact!
**[15:32] Carla**
I'll fight with you!
**[15:33] Ryoko**
It's too much!
**[15:35] Ryoko**
You'll both be killed!
**[15:37] Ryoko**
Someone...
**[15:38] Ryoko**
Someone help us!
**[15:41] Brigan**
What?
**[15:43] Kinoko**
Hey, we made it!
**[15:45] Anna**
Is everyone safe?
**[15:46] Ryoko**
Altargaia-san!
**[15:47] Carla**
Anna-san?
**[15:48] Alvin**
And the golem!
**[15:49] Alvin**
You guys all came!
**[15:51] Bear**
The forest folk are here, too, gao!
**[15:53] Cow**
We shall fight by your side, moo!
**[15:55] Cyclops**
We don't stand for villains here!
**[15:57] Golem**
We crush them!
**[15:58] Cyclops Lady**
Especially those who would bully Carla-chan!
**[16:01] Carla**
You all...
**[16:02] Alvin**
What nice folks!
**[16:03] Brigan**
We still outnumber them!
**[16:05] Brigan**
Go!
**[16:06] Bear**
Kuma!
**[16:07] Cow**
Moo!
**[16:08] Thief**
C-Come bat me, bwiends!
**[16:13] Beast**
We knew what you were going for.
Chin up!
**[16:16] Thief**
Really? I don't need to try it again?
**[16:19] Witch**
Feel the wrath of my medicine!
**[16:22] Orc**
Oink! And now I'll finish you!
**[16:24] Orc**
Hecaton Cyclone!
**[16:26] Orc**
Oink!
**[16:27] Witch**
What's the matter?
**[16:28] Orc**
I twisted my ankle...
**[16:30] Witch**
Here's a poultice.
**[16:32] Golem**
I won't let you inside!
**[16:35] Kinoko**
There's still fighting outside!
**[16:36] Anna**
It's not safe, so please
wait here until it's over!
**[16:39] Celia**
Grandpa!
**[16:40] Mayor**
Celia!
**[16:41] Celia**
You're safe!
**[16:42] Celia**
Celia did good!
**[16:44] Dwarf2**
You did a fine job, Celia!
**[16:46] Mayor**
Well done, Celia!
**[16:46] Kinoko**
Celia?
**[16:47] Anna**
I guess she still speaks in baby talk.
**[16:48] Celia**
More praise!
**[16:49] Medusa**
Shu-wah!
**[16:51] Medusa**
These stupid puppets don't know
to look away. Makes it easy!
**[16:55] Dryad**
Your magic won't work on me!
**[16:58] Dryad**
Now here's your punishment for defying me!
**[17:01] Medusa**
Me next! Me!
**[17:03] Dryad**
Why don't you stick to your "Shu-wah"?
**[17:05] Medusa**
Aw, I wanna do it, too!
**[17:08] Brigin**
Brigun! I need a heal!
**[17:10] Brigun**
Brother Brigin! I'm on my way!
**[17:14] Cow**
You shall not pass!
**[17:16] Cow**
Give him lots of punishment.
**[17:19] Both**
Call us queen!
**[17:21] Brigan**
The rest of you are up against me!
**[17:24] Maria**
Wait a moment!
**[17:26] Maria**
I won't let you harm them!
**[17:28] Ellie**
Get them, Big Sis!
**[17:30] Zobita**
We'll protect Maria-san!
**[17:31] Zombies**
Yeah!
**[17:32] Maria**
Do my bidding, Undead Wolf!
**[17:35] Ellie**
I'm in this, too!
**[17:41] Alvin**
Maria-san, thank you!
**[17:43] Carla**
Creepy but friendly is a strange combination!
**[17:46] Maria**
I-Is it?
**[17:48] Maria**
Ellie, put yourself away.
**[17:50] Ellie**
Okay!
**[17:51] Ghost A**
Run!
**[17:52] Ghost B**
Run, run!
**[17:53] Ghost C**
Catch me if you can!
**[17:55] Gobkichi**
Serves you right!
**[17:56] Gobkichi**
Let's bury them all!
**[17:58] Ghosts&Goblins**
Bury them!
**[17:59] Mimic**
Go on, open me!
**[18:01] Mimic**
I'll scare the pants off
you and get my promotion!
**[18:04] Mimic**
Someone open me already!
**[18:07] Anna**
This is taking longer than I expected...
**[18:09] Carla**
Yes.
**[18:10] Cyclops Lady**
Carla-chan, above you!
**[18:13] Cyclops Lady**
Nice going, dear!
**[18:14] Ellie**
Awesome!
**[18:15] Carla**
You saved me. Thank you.
**[18:17] Cyclops**
Sure...
**[18:18] Cyclops**
Still, these things just keep coming!
It never ends!
**[18:22] Cyclops Lady**
Indeed. If we can't cut them off
at the source, we're doomed.
**[18:25] Cyclops Lady**
Oh?
**[18:26] Anna**
Where's Alvin?
**[18:27] Cyclops Lady**
Look there, everyone!
**[18:30] Carla**
Alvin-san!
**[18:33] Bear**
He ran off on his own, bear?
**[18:35] Maria**
It appears so...
**[18:37] Anna**
Alvin's the only one with the item
that can oppose Dorman, after all!
**[18:41] Carla**
But my magic power was too weak.
**[18:43] Carla**
I wasn't able to restore the artifact.
**[18:45] Anna**
Oh, no!
**[18:46] Maria**
Then, at this rate...
**[18:48] Cyclops Lady**
Eventually, we'll all tire ourselves out...
**[18:50] Cyclops**
...and we'll be dead.
**[18:52] Bear**
So, you just need a magic boost, bear?
**[18:55] Dorman**
Took you long enough, adventurer!
**[18:58] Alvin**
What—
**[18:58] Alvin**
Crap!
**[19:00] Alvin**
I failed!
**[19:01] Dorman**
Thought you could catch me by surprise?
**[19:02] Dorman**
Without the power of that crown,
you can't even put up a fight against me!
**[19:07] Alvin**
Oh, shut up!
**[19:08] Dorman**
Whine all you like, dog.
**[19:10] Dorman**
Once that crown's gone, I'll be invincible!
**[19:12] Dorman**
The world will be mine!
**[19:14] Dorman**
I'll erase it along with your head!
**[19:18] Carla**
Alvin-san!
**[19:20] Alvin**
Carla!
**[19:20] Carla**
He's caught!
**[19:22] Carla**
Holy power, infuse this crown
with the light of resurrection!
**[19:23] Bear**
* That mace I gave you has the*
* power to amplify magic, bear!*
**[19:30] Artifact**
Power overwhelming!
**[19:33] Artifact**
Alvin, remove your helmet
and put me on your head!
**[19:36] Alvin**
Sure thing!
**[19:36] Dorman**
Curse you!
**[19:44] Alvin**
I will defeat you myself!
**[19:46] Dorman**
Then I'll have to remove
your head and steal it!
**[19:53] Alvin**
My body feels light!
**[19:54] Artifact**
That's because I'm supporting you!
**[19:55] Cyclops**
Incredible!
**[19:57] Carla**
He's like a different person!
**[19:58] Carla**
Appearance-wise, too!
**[19:59] Cyclops**
Are they even?
**[20:00] Cyclops**
No, he's being beaten...
**[20:02] Carla**
I'll support him!
**[20:05] Carla**
Alvin-san!
**[20:06] Carla**
It's my enhancement spell!
**[20:08] Carla**
Take it!
**[20:09] Alvin**
That one?!
**[20:10] Dorman**
I'll be taking that!
**[20:15] Dorman**
What... What exactly did that enhance?!
**[20:17] Alvin**
Your flavor and mouthfeel!
**[20:24] Alvin**
Great job, Carla!
**[20:25] Carla**
I resent this slightly, but I'm glad!
**[20:28] Alvin**
Wrong way!
**[20:33] Alvin**
Thanks, everyone!
**[20:38] Carla**
Triplets?
**[20:39] Alvin**
Dorman was pretty old, huh?
**[20:42] Receptionist**
That was quite an accomplishment!
**[20:44] Receptionist**
I'm sure you'll get proper stars
at your next ranking test!
**[20:46] Alvin**
I barely beat an old man...
**[20:49] Carla**
And with the artifact's support, at that!
**[20:52] Carla**
Oh, I forgot!
**[20:56] Carla**
I'm taking this back—
**[20:58] Carla**
Tieshankao!
**[21:00] Receptionist**
Good to see her as energetic as ever.
**[21:05] Alvin**
You really like that medal, huh?
**[21:07] Carla**
N-Never mind that.
Let's return to the village!
**[21:11] Carla**
We need to return the artifact to the mayor.
**[21:15] Mayor**
I truly don't know how to thank you!
**[21:18] Alvin**
We're the ones who should thank you.
**[21:20] Alvin**
Because of you, my curse is gone!
**[21:22] Artifact**
Yes...
**[21:24] Artifact**
R-Regarding that...
**[21:26] Artifact**
The curse *could* reactivate once I'm gone!
**[21:30] Artifact**
Best to be safe!
**[21:32] Alvin**
No way!
**[21:33] Celia**
Kinoko-chan, Ghost-san, everyone! Goodbye!
**[21:37] Anna**
Take care!
**[21:39] Kinoko**
We'll come back to play soon!
**[21:42] Alvin**
*Stuck with Carla for now, huh?*
**[21:44] Alvin**
*But after being on my own for so long,*
**[21:47] Alvin**
*I'm suddenly part of a party...*
**[21:49] Alvin**
*They're definitely an idiosyncratic bunch...*
**[21:52] Alvin**
* But without them, I wouldn't*
* have been able to fight Dorman!*
**[21:57] Alvin**
*Do I owe it all to Carla?*
**[21:59] Carla**
Is there a reason you're staring at me now?
**[22:03] Alvin**
N-No...
**[22:04] Carla**
Don't tell me...
**[22:05] Carla**
After watching my brilliance in combat,
you've fallen in love with me?!
**[22:09] Alvin**
Huh?
**[22:10] Carla**
It was quite a showcase for
my ample charms, after all!
**[22:13] Alvin**
What are you talking about?
**[22:14] Carla**
I certainly appreciate the sentiment...
**[22:16] Alvin**
Listen to me!
**[22:17] Carla**
But I feel that you are...
**[22:19] Carla**
so pathetic!
**[22:21] Carla**
Pathetic!
**[22:22] Alvin**
Shut up!
**[22:25] Alvin**
This healer's a pain in my ass!