10 - Catch the Sneak Photographer! / The Bullet Bride Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) [00:04] Mashiro     I'll leave your tea here. [00:09] Mashiro     What're you looking at, anyway? [00:12] Mashiro     Eek! You pervert! [00:15] Mashiro     Skipping work to smack your lips over     naked women in broad daylight on a weekday?! [00:19] Mashiro     Your whole family tree of ancestors     will come back to curse you! [00:22] Nagumo     Wait, hang on. You've got it all wrong. [00:24] Mashiro     Hello, Azuha-san? [00:26] Mashiro     Can you invent some pliers for crushing      the testicles of sex maniacs? [00:29] Nagumo     What the hell? Even the devil would click     his tongue and veto that as a torture device. [00:34] Mashiro     Oh, you've already made more than you     have any use for? Then, gimme one. [00:37] Nagumo     Don't keep a stock of those. [00:39] Mashiro     I bet you only see me as an outlet      for your lewd fantasies, don't you? [00:43] Mashiro     Frankly, I can feel your dreary gaze      on me all the time. [00:47] Nagumo     I'd get more turned on looking     at the Virgo sign than at you. Seriously. [00:52] Mashiro     Get at least a little bit aroused, damn it! SIGN    Detectives     These Days     Are Crazy! SIGN    Catch the     Sneak Photographer! [02:32] Mashiro     What? This was for work? [02:34] Nagumo     Of course it was. [02:35] Nagumo     A water park called Sunday Land      asked for my help. [02:39] Nagumo     Seems a sneak photographer     has been showing up at their pool. [02:43] Nagumo     He calls himself Uncle Scoop,     and he sells the photos online. [02:48] Nagumo     They can't turn to the police, [02:50] Nagumo     because they don't want the scandal     to hurt the park's reputation. [02:54] Nagumo     So the sneak photographer     has the run of the place right now. [02:59] Mashiro     I seriously can't stand sneak photographers.      I'll find the creep and kill him. [03:03] Nagumo     Don't squeeze voodoo dolls     over my brand-new leather shoes. [03:09] Nagumo     Killing's out of the question,     but I hate what he's doing as much as you do. [03:12] Mashiro     Ooh, are we gonna     go undercover at the pool? [03:15] Nagumo     Yeah. We're gonna catch Uncle Scoop. [03:18] Mashiro     Sweet! [03:22] Nagumo     I used to chase sneak photographers     around all the time. [03:26] Nagumo     Brings back memories. Those were the days. [03:30] Nagumo     Oh, I had a dentist appointment today. [03:32] Mashiro INT     He can only salvage     his most recent memories now. [03:36] Nagumo     So yeah, you'll wanna     get your swimsuit ready. [03:40] Mashiro     Ooh, what should I do?     I wonder if my old one still fits. [03:44] Azuha     Hey, fresh young HS girl. [03:45] Azuha     I brought you that testicle crusher. [03:47] Mashiro     Azuha-san, wanna come     to the pool with us tomorrow? [03:49] Azuha     Oh, totally! [03:52] Nagumo     That looks more like     it'd cut off the whole nutsack! [04:02] Mashiro     Sheesh. [04:03] Mashiro     I just don't get why all these young guys     and girls like running around nearly naked. [04:08] Nagumo     I'm feeling shock and fear     in parallel right now. [04:12] Nagumo     What the hell are you wearing?! [04:14] Mashiro     All my swimsuits are     really brightly colored, [04:18] Mashiro     so I went for a mostly black one     to draw less attention. [04:20] Nagumo     Every single eye in here is on you, doofus. [04:23] Nagumo     Go change right now. [04:24] Azuha     Man, gotta love the pool, though. [04:28] Azuha     Bouncing female bodies. [04:29] Azuha     Glistening muscles. [04:30] Azuha     Shady guys with cameras. [04:32] Mashiro     You're the bad guy, you shitbag yakuza! [04:34] Nezu     Death! SIGN    Fin SIGN    Production & Copyright [04:38] Nezu     I'm not, I swear. Just hear me out. [04:41] Nagumo     You seem desperate, Nezu-kun. [04:43] Nezu     Well, yeah! I've been falsely accused. [04:46] Nezu     Huh? What's that? [04:47] Azuha     A testicle crusher. [04:50] Nezu     Uh, no, that's a weapon for cutting! [04:52] Mashiro     Enough whining.     It's off to the police with you! [04:54] Nezu     Hang on, please! I heard about the sneak     photographer, too! I'm here to catch him! [04:59] Nezu     This camera is for capturing evidence! [05:02] Nezu     I've only taken a few pictures of women! [05:05] Mashiro     You've taken at least five! [05:07] Mashiro     I'll scatter your ashes near     an all-girls high school for you. [05:13] Lifeguard     No jumping in, please. [05:15] Nagumo     For the love of... [05:17] Asunaro     Oh, Sensei, it's you. [05:20] Nagumo     Asunaro-kun and Maki-san? [05:22] Maki     Um, h-hello. [05:24] Mashiro     Oh, hey, it's the idiot. [05:26] Asunaro     And why are you in a wetsuit? [05:29] Azuha     Long time no see, Hana-san. [05:31] Maki     Azuha-san. [05:32] Azuha     Ain't seen ya since booze shut down your brain      and you spilled all your bodily secrets. [05:36] Maki     I really wish you'd forget about that. [05:40] Nagumo     You're after the sneak photographer, too? [05:42] Maki     Yes, the park asked us for help. [05:44] Mashiro     I hate to do this to Maki-chan, but we'll be      taking the credit for this one, idiot. [05:50] Asunaro     I overlooked you calling me that     the first time, but I'd say you're the idiot. [05:56] Maki     I wish those two would     get along a little better. [06:00] Azuha     Say, Hana-san. [06:01] Maki     Yes? [06:02] Azuha     That stuff I gave you to increase     your bust size didn't work, huh? [06:06] Maki     What?! [06:06] Maki     I'd considered it a success      since I'd gone up one size, [06:11] Maki     but I guess it was a wasted effort? [06:13] Maki     Ah, I suddenly feel embarrassed to be showing     so much skin around all these teenagers. [06:18] Azuha     I'll give you something stronger next time. [06:21] Guest     Hold it right there, you! [06:22] Guests     The sneak photographer! [06:23] Guests     Catch him! [06:25] Nagumo     Mashiro! [06:25] Maki     Master! [06:27] Asunaro     I know what you said earlier,     but we should work together now as pros. [06:30] Asunaro     I'll go in from the left. [06:32] Mashiro     Yeah, got it. Azuha-san, use the stuff. [06:35] Azuha     Roger. SIGN    Powdered Skating Rink [06:37] Azuha     Powdered Skating Rink! [06:40] Nagumo     This is the first time I've ever seen     anyone reuse a Brth Care container. [06:44] Azuha**     Allow me to explain. At first glance,     it looks like ordinary powder. However! [06:49] Azuha     When it reacts with water,     it expands in size by dozens of times, [06:52] Azuha     transforming into a highly viscous jelly. [06:54] Azuha     In other words... [06:56] Azuha     When scattered over a wet poolside... [06:58] Azuha     it instantly transforms     into a slippery skating rink, [07:04] Azuha     crushing the skulls of any fools on it! [07:07] Maki     Oh, no! What a disaster! [07:09] Azuha     Oops. I guess my throw wasn't     strong enough to reach the bad guy. [07:13] PhotographerA     What's with these guys?     Now's my chance! [07:16] Nagumo     Oh, that guy's acting weird. [07:18] Nagumo     You're not getting away. [07:20] PhotographerA     What? Shit! [07:22] Nagumo     Why don't you hand over that camera? [07:25] Nagumo     Well, well. Just look at these. [07:27] Nezu     You're one nasty baddie, ain't ya? [07:31] Nagumo     Maki-san. [07:32] Maki     Yes? [07:33] Nagumo     This guy isn't Uncle Scoop. [07:36] Nagumo     The real culprit is someone else. [07:39] Mashiro     What? But how can you tell? [07:42] Maki     Mashiro-chan, how did you respawn so quickly? [07:45] Nezu     She's like those trash NPCs     that spawn perpetually. [07:48] Nagumo     Look at this guy's photos.     Not a single one has someone changing in it. [07:53] Nagumo     This is a completely different kind of fetish. [07:57] Mashiro     You mean someone else is     the real sneak photographer? [07:59] Nagumo     Right. [08:00] Mashiro     Then, we gotta find him, quick! [08:03] Nezu     Hey, should we just leave Asunaro there? [08:05] Maki     He's breathing on his own. He'll be fine. [08:08] Nagumo     You triage like someone in a major disaster. [08:11] Mashiro     Still, we noticed that pig     because he was careless, [08:16] Mashiro     but aren't most sneak photographers     almost impossible to pinpoint? [08:19] Maki     That's true. [08:21] Maki     With smartphone technology     getting so advanced, [08:23] Maki     sneak photographers     get sneakier by the year. [08:26] Azuha     Cameras keep getting smaller, too. [08:28] Azuha     Even things like pens and glasses     can be rigged with them. [08:31] Azuha     So what now, Mr. Nagumo? [08:33] Nagumo     I guess we'll just have to keep an eye out     for anything that seems off. [08:37] Mashiro     Well, it is what it is. [08:40] Mashiro     I'll just have to literally... [08:42] Mashiro     peel off a layer or two! [08:46] Mashiro     Monopolizing the gaze of every male with     bare skin more priceless than a bamboo flower, [08:51] Mashiro     the dazzling-as-hell high school girl     offers herself as bait, [08:54] Mashiro     so that the sneak photographer     will be unable to resist snapping a shot. [08:57] Mashiro     Just make sure you nab him     when he does, and it's case closed. [09:01] Mashiro     Well, go on. Keep mashing that shutter button     until your reflector plate cracks. [09:07] Mashiro     Go on. [09:09] Mashiro     Go on. [09:11] Mashiro     Go on. [09:13] Mashiro     Go on. [09:15] Mashiro     Go on. [09:23] PhotographerA     Hey, an Anax parthenope. SIGN    Who,     me?! SIGN    Who,     me?! SIGN    Take the     damn     photo! [09:25] Mashiro     Take the damn photo! SIGN    Who,     me?! SIGN    Take the     damn     photo! [09:27] PhotographerA     Who, me?! [09:28] Mashiro     How does a gorgeous HS girl      lose to a dragonfly?! [09:32] Mashiro     Why isn't anyone taking my picture?!     You dumbasses! [09:34] Mashiro     I'm the cutest one here and you know it! [09:36] GuyA     Wh-What's that chick's deal?     What's with her mental state? [09:40] GuyB     Is she the vengeful spirit of a gravure idol     who didn't win Miss Magazne?! [09:44] Azuha     Uh, we can't do an investigation     if we're drawing this much attention. [09:49] Azuha     We're gonna have to find the bad guy     without the fresh young HS girl. [09:52] Azuha     Click? [09:53] Maki     Azuha-san! Your photo was just taken! [09:56] Maki     He's trying to escape into the crowd. [09:58] Maki     Master, please wake up already. [10:01] Maki     Let's circle around and pincer him. [10:03] Maki     Wait, it's the same thing     that always happens! [10:06] Asunaro     Gosh, what to do? [10:10] Asunaro INT     How very odd. [10:12] Asunaro INT     Why am I here with no clothes on? [10:15] Asunaro INT     Who is that woman who's calling me "Master"? [10:18] Asunaro INT     And who am I, anyway? [10:20] Maki     He hit his head so hard, it reset! [10:23] Maki     And where's Mashiro-chan? [10:25] Maki     Wow, no help there. She's so shocked,     she's posing like a nursing chimpanzee. [10:29] Maki     And Nagumo-sensei? [10:31] Nagumo     Ow, ow, ow, ow. [10:33] Maki     He's down with a leg cramp?     When he's hardly even moved yet? [10:36] Nezu     Leave this to me, Maki-chan! [10:39] Maki     Nezu-san! [10:40] Nezu     I've got long legs,     so I'm really good at chasing— [10:44] Nezu     Bug. Huge. Can't. [10:47] Maki     Mashiro-chan said he was more useless     than a 100-yen-store shoehorn. [10:50] Maki     Guess she was right. Bah. [10:52] Maki     Azuha-san! We'll have to     catch this guy ourselves! [10:55] Azuha     Ooh! What a big Anax parthenope! [10:58] Azuha     I wanna fight it with my Zod! [11:00] Maki     Our whole party's down! [11:02] Maki     In that case... [11:04] Maki     I'll catch him on my own! [11:07] Maki INT     I can do this. [11:08] Maki INT     I've been working out and     jogging every day to toughen up. [11:13] Maki INT     I work hard to be as useful as possible. [11:22] Maki     I had a feeling ever since     I first saw your photos online... [11:26] Maki     that "Uncle Scoop"... [11:28] Maki     was a woman. [11:30] PhotographerB     Shit. [11:31] Maki     It didn't make sense that so many of     the photos were taken in the locker room. [11:35] Maki     And from that angle, too.     Only a woman could get those shots. [11:40] PhotographerB     You're pretty smart. [11:42] PhotographerB     Most people get complacent     just knowing that I'm a woman. [11:46] PhotographerB     It was a surefire way to make      easy money, but fine. I give up. [11:51] Maki     I'm glad you're so reasonable. [11:53] Maki     Allow me to accompany you to the police. [11:57] PhotographerB     I'm glad it was a woman who caught me. [12:06] Asunaro     Maki-chan! [12:08] PhotographerB     Sorry! I won't post your photo online, okay? [12:14] PhotographerB     What? Hey! Aren't you embarrassed? [12:18] Maki     No, not particularly. [12:21] Maki     Letting a cowardly villain like you get away     would be far more humiliating for a detective. [12:28] PhotographerB     Y-You're... [12:31] Nagumo     Okay, we got her. [12:33] Asunaro     Maki-chan! Are you okay? [12:35] Maki     Yes. Not a problem. [12:38] Asunaro     I'm sorry. My negligence     caused you such humiliation. [12:42] Maki     I'm not a child.     This isn't enough to faze me. [12:46] Maki     Well, our job here is finished now, yes? [12:50] Maki     I'll get changed. [12:52] Asunaro     Oh, uh, sure. [13:02] Maki     Oh my god! [13:05] Maki     I'm so embarrassed, I could die! [13:08] Maki     And Master might have seen me. [13:10] Maki     How am I supposed to face him now? [13:16] Nagumo     One, two, three... [13:19] Nezu     Feels like it's been a while     since we finished a job properly. [13:23] Nagumo     This'll cover my living expenses for the month. [13:26] Mashiro     There's a video of me in my swimsuit online! SIGN    Not for children! Chimpanzee courtship behavior / baboon copulation [13:31] Nagumo     Wait, that's the Discovry Channel! SIGN    This female is horny and wants to exhibit courtship behavior, SIGN    but these males are not turned on at all. [13:46] Nezu     It's a double feature     with baboon copulation, huh? [13:56] Nagumo     Good. It still fits. [14:01] Mashiro     You actually own a suit like that, old dude? [14:03] Mashiro     You usually wear flimsy old things that     look like tofu skins chewed up by a tapir! [14:07] Nagumo     I have a wedding to go to next week. [14:10] Nagumo     A mutual police acquaintance with Mimasaka. SIGN    Mimasaka [14:14] Nagumo     Some real bigwigs are gonna be there.     I can't go in my usual getup. [14:21] Mashiro     Take me with you! SIGN    Take me with you! [14:24] Nagumo     My suit. My suit's worthless now. [14:27] Mashiro     Oops, sorry. I spat a little. [14:31] Nagumo     Weddings aren't even all that fun, you know. [14:35] Mashiro     I just want to be there for the bouquet toss. [14:37] Mashiro     Whoever catches it is supposed to be      the next one to get married, right? [14:42] Mashiro     It's always been my dream     to wear a wedding dress. [14:47] Mashiro     Don't you dare make a comment about     putting fancy clothes on a packhorse driver! [14:50] Nezu     I didn't even say anything yet! [14:53] Nagumo     Oh, fine. I'll ask Mimasaka. [14:57] Mashiro     Yay! I love you, old dude. [14:59] Nezu     I'd like to go, too. [15:01] Mashiro     Oh, I wonder what I should wear. [15:03] Mashiro     A bulletproof vest? Or maybe chain mail? [15:06] Nezu     I always wanted to make     some connections with bigwigs. [15:10] Nagumo     Just please don't do anything dumb, okay? [15:14] Mashiro     Don't worry. Just look at these eyes. [15:16] Nagumo     They look like Spngebob's     when he has a naughty idea. SIGN    The Bullet Bride SIGN    One Week Later [15:30] MC     There's an incredibly severe typhoon     making landfall today, [15:34] MC     but due to the scheduling,     the ceremony will proceed as planned. [15:40] Mashiro     Why aren't they postponing?! [15:41] Mashiro     And when it's an outdoor     wedding, of all things?! [15:45] Nagumo     This was apparently the only day     all the VIPs could show up at once. [15:48] Nezu     I can't tell who anyone is! [15:51] Nezu     Boss, where are the bigwigs     I should make connections with? [15:54] Nagumo     If they find out you're yakuza,     they'll pulverize you. [15:58] Nagumo     There they are! [15:59] Nagumo     That's the police department's superintendent. [16:02] Nagumo     That's the head of the Cabinet     Intelligence and Research Office. [16:05] Nagumo     That's the head of the     National Security Agency. [16:08] Nezu     The head of the National Security Agency     is in the least secure state of all! [16:12] Nagumo     Damn, it's so hard to see. [16:15] Nagumo     Where's Mimasaka? [16:18] Mashiro     Isn't that him? [16:19] Nagumo     H-He's... [16:21] Nagumo     putting his own body on the line     to protect the wedding cake. [16:24] Mashiro     Never missing a chance to make himself     look good in front of the VIPs. [16:28] Nezu     So that's what it means     to be part of an organization. [16:31] Mimasaka     A whole herd of Red Hares hiding from     the rain under newly replaced tatami. [16:34] Mashiro     He's acting weird! [16:35] Mimasaka     A whole drove of Red Hares hiding     from the rain under newly replaced tatami. [16:36] Nagumo     No! He's got the wind sickness! [16:39] Nagumo     Oh, right. Food. Let's eat. [16:41] Nagumo     It's buffet-style, so take what you like. [16:43] Mashiro     The wind's so intense,     I can't tell what anything is! [16:46] Nezu     Oh, I'll go get it! [16:48] Nagumo     Oh, perfect. A salad bowl just flew at me. [16:52] Nagumo     Mm, yeah. They definitely     used the best ingredients. [16:55] Mashiro     Old dude! That's a decorative fake plant! [17:00] Nezu     Boss! I managed to scrape      some stuff together. [17:04] Nezu     Give it a try. [17:05] Nagumo     Scraps. SIGN    Scraps [17:08] Nezu     Most of the main dishes blew away. [17:10] Nagumo     Is this a deployment party     for some broke samurai? [17:13] Mashiro     It's like a failed episode     of Souten Restaurant. [17:16] MC     The bride and groom will now begin     the candle-lighting service. [17:21] MC     They will be lighting the candles     placed on each table, [17:25] MC     but since a flame would     be blown out immediately, [17:29] MC     they will use a torch     to light the candles instead. [17:33] MC     We have prepared dried grass and pine resin     for each table to facilitate the lighting. [17:44] Bride     Somosan! [17:45] Guest     Seppa! [17:46] Guest     Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! [17:51] Nezu     The dried grass and the southeasterly wind     are spreading the fire! [17:55] Nagumo     What is this, Greek fire? SIGN    (Greek Fire) [17:57] Mashiro     It's like a re-enactment of the Battle     of Red Cliffs made by Tameshite Batten. [18:01] Nagumo     Mimasaka! Now's your chance     to raise your standing! Do something! [18:05] Nagumo     Huh? He's gone? [18:06] Mashiro     That's not him, old dude. That's the cake! [18:09] Nagumo     The cake? [18:10] Mashiro     He got absorbed into the cake,     thanks to a gust of wind. [18:13] Nagumo     Mimasaka! [18:16] Nagumo     Mashiro, save him. [18:18] Mashiro     But I'm in a dress,     so I don't have any of my tools. [18:21] Nagumo     So do something using the stuff that's here. [18:23] Mashiro     What? Um, uh... [18:25] Mashiro     Okay, here! [18:27] Mashiro     I gave him a Cocoa Cigrette     to breathe through. [18:29] Nagumo     Those aren't hollow, though. [18:31] Nagumo     Whatever. Let's just pull him out. [18:33] Mashiro     Wait. My dress will get dirty.     It's the only one I have! [18:37] Nagumo     His life is the only one he has, too. [18:39] MC     Ladies and gentlemen,     our sincerest apologies. [18:41] Mashiro     Huh? [18:43] MC     A problem has arisen, prompting*     a drastic change to the schedule. [18:46] MC     The bride will now perform the bouquet toss. [18:49] Mashiro     Yes! This is what I came here for! [18:53] Nezu     No! Boss got absorbed, too! [18:55] Nezu     Save him, Big Sis! [18:57] Mashiro     Sorry, old dude. I'm kinda busy right now.     Just kill some time in nirvana. [19:02] Nezu     Sounds like you're telling him     to go Dot*ur in the next life. [19:05] MC     The bride raises the bouquet... [19:09] MC     And there it goes. [19:10] MC     The wind's carrying it farther and farther. [19:13] Nagumo     An ICBM?! [19:15] Nezu     It's gonna fly right off the grounds. [19:23] Nagumo     Mashiro, this is one     you should probably give up on. [19:27] Mashiro     On your marks. [19:29] Mashiro     Set. [19:31] Mashiro     Go! [19:32] MC     And all the ladies take off running at once. [19:35] Nagumo     I didn't know there were that many here! [19:36] Nezu     I underestimated the enthusiasm     women have for a bouquet toss! [19:40] Nagumo     Follow them, Nezu-kun. [19:41] Nezu     Shouldn't we help this Mimasaka guy, though? [19:44] Nagumo     Huh? Uh, huh? Um... [19:47] Nagumo     Okay, here. [19:48] Nezu     A Yoku M°ku? I mean, it is hollow, but... [19:50] Nagumo     Let's go. [19:51] Nezu     Right. SIGN    Tamachi Meats [19:57] Son     Mom, why bother opening the store     in this weather? No one's gonna show up. [20:01] Mom     Don't be silly. [20:03] Mom     For some reason, our croquettes     fly off the shelves during typhoons. [20:07] Mom     We can't call ourselves butchers     if we didn't open now. [20:09] Son     Mom... [20:12] Son     Okay, I'll help. [20:15] Mom     That's hot! [20:18] Son     M-Mom! A meteorite fell into the fryer! [20:23] Mom     Don't underestimate a butcher. [20:26] Mom     There's nothing in this world that I can't fry! [20:31] Nagumo     The bouquet fried up all nice and crispy! [20:35] Nezu     Now it's wrapped up... [20:36] Nezu     and rolling away! [20:42] Nagumo     Everything's sticking to it     and making a giant ball. [20:59] Nezu     It's coming this way! [21:01] Nagumo     Run! [21:07] Mashiro     Help me out, you two. [21:10] Nagumo     R-Right! [21:10] Nezu     Got it! [21:12] Nagumo     What's... [21:13] Mashiro     If we miss it here, the next woman      in line will catch the bouquet. [21:17] Mashiro     So we'll stop it together! [21:18] Nezu     But how do we do that in this position? [21:21] Mashiro     We work together! [21:22] Mashiro     Mashiro stops the bouquet. [21:25] Mashiro     Nezu holds her up. [21:26] Mashiro     And Nagumo sits there, looking shy. SIGN    Grin SIGN    Didn't work [21:29] Three     It didn't work! [21:32] BacheloretteA     Look. The bouquet's slowing down. [21:34] BacheloretteB     Now! Charge! [21:36] Mashiro     Shit. I fell behind. [21:38] Mashiro     That bouquet is mine! [21:43] Nagumo     W-Wow. [21:44] Nagumo     It's like an egg still being attacked     by goblin sperm even after it's fertilized. [21:49] Nezu     Maybe the bouquet toss also represents     a wish to be blessed with a child. [21:56] Nezu     The bouquet! [21:57] Nezu     Big Sis, you did it! [22:01] Nagumo     No, that's... [22:05] Nagumo INT     I didn't know Maki-san was here. SIGN    Next Time SIGN    Mashiro and      the Psychic of Love SIGN    In Technicolor