# Detectives These Days Are Crazy!
Once a legendary detective, Nagumo Keiichiro now stumbles through middle age baffled by smartphones and modern life. His quiet decline gets disrupted when Mashiro, a bold high school girl, bursts into his office demanding to become his apprentice. Though he’s rusty and set in his ways, her relentless enthusiasm drags him back into detective work. Now the gap-bridging detective duo is on the case!
# Season 1
# 1 - Former Great Detective Nagumo Keiichiro / Mashiro's Pest Extermination
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/series/G79H23Z93/detectives-these-days-are-crazy)
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** Nagumo Detective Agency
***SIGN*** Nagumo Detective Agency
***SIGN*** Nagumo Detective Agency
***SIGN*** Nagumo Detective Agency
***SIGN*** Nagumo Detective Agency
***SIGN*** Nagumo Detective Agency
**[00:14] Mashiro**
So this is the Nagumo Detective Agency.
***SIGN*** Detectives
These Days
Are Crazy!
***SIGN*** Former Great Detective
Nagumo Keiichiro
**[01:53] Reporter**
The famous high school detective
has done it again,
**[01:56] Reporter**
bringing a speedy resolution to
a tough case the police couldn't handle.
**[01:59] Fans**
He's so hot!
**[02:00] Nagumo**
No pushing now.
**[02:01] Fans**
Shake my hand!
**[02:01] Reporter**
The screams just refuse to stop!
**[02:03] Fans**
Take me now!
**[02:03] Reporter**
Nagumo Keiichiro truly is a genius!
**[02:06] Reporter**
Nagumo-kun! How do you feel about this case?
**[02:09] Nagumo**
Well, I'd say...
**[02:11] Nagumo**
I could've used a little
more excitement, y'know?
**[02:18] Nagumo**
Oh. A dream.
**[02:22] Nagumo**
Yeah, yeah. I'm coming.
**[02:24] Nagumo**
Hello, Nagumo Detective Agency.
**[02:29] Nagumo INT**
* I'm Nagumo Keiichiro, a detective so great*
* that everyone in the business knows me.*
**[02:34] Nagumo**
R-Right. If you could just give me
a little more time on the rent.
**[02:35] Nagumo INT**
* Except I haven't been known*
* as a "great detective" since I was a kid.*
**[02:38] Nagumo**
I'm so sorry.
**[02:40] Nagumo INT**
* Some people say I've lost*
* my skills, but I haven't.*
**[02:41] Nagumo**
Damn landlord. One day late
with the rent and this happens.
**[02:45] Nagumo**
He used to be a lot more pliable.
**[02:48] Nagumo**
Ow, ow, ow!
**[02:50] Nagumo INT**
*I just lost a little of my youth.*
**[02:50] Nagumo**
Damn this chronic back pain!
**[02:54] Nagumo**
Shit. I've got a stakeout to get to.
**[02:58] Nagumo**
This is the first job I've had in ages.
I can't blow it.
**[03:03] Nagumo**
Get up. Get up, great detective.
**[03:16] Nagumo**
Oh, um...
**[03:18] Nagumo**
Thanks for the treat.
**[03:20] Mashiro**
My chastity is in danger!
**[03:22] Nagumo**
Watch it!
**[03:22] Mashiro**
You just tried to get a peep
at my underwear, didn't you?
**[03:26] Nagumo**
Sure, I looked, but not on purpose.
I'm down here for a good reason.
**[03:30] Mashiro**
Liar!
**[03:31] Nagumo**
Who the hell are you, anyway?
**[03:33] Nagumo**
If you're a prospective client,
sorry, but I'm busy.
**[03:36] Mashiro**
Oh! I came after seeing this.
**[03:39] Nagumo**
Huh?
**[03:40] Mashiro**
Wait, where did I put it? That's weird.
**[03:45] Mashiro**
Did I forget to bring it?
**[03:47] Mashiro**
Oh, it was just at the back of my neck.
**[03:51] Nagumo**
Oh.
**[03:52] Nagumo**
The flyer I made a long time ago
when I was shorthanded.
**[03:56] Mashiro**
So, uh...
**[03:59] Mashiro**
I'm responding to your honored,
*venerable* agency's request for—
**[04:02] Nagumo**
I'm not hiring.
**[04:03] Mashiro**
What?! Why not?!
**[04:06] Nagumo**
That should be obvious.
A teenage girl can't be a detective.
**[04:10] Mashiro**
Huh? But it's not like
I'm a gyaru or anything.
**[04:14] Nagumo**
Makeup.
**[04:15] Nagumo**
Cleavage on show.
**[04:17] Nagumo**
Short skirt.
**[04:18] Nagumo**
You're *clearly* a gyaru.
**[04:19] Mashiro**
Your criteria's super outdated. Gross.
**[04:22] Nagumo**
I'm fine with being gross.
**[04:23] Mashiro**
Aw, come on. This job's gotta be tough
for an old dude to do alone.
**[04:27] Mashiro**
You should have an assistant.
**[04:32] Nagumo**
Listen, little girl.
Detective work's all about patience.
**[04:37] Nagumo**
No faltering. No hesitating.
No getting flustered.
**[04:40] Nagumo**
It takes innate talent.
**[04:44] Nagumo**
It's not a job a tender young gyaru
like you can, uh, handle...
**[04:50] Nagumo**
Tender... So tender...
**[04:52] Mashiro**
No getting flustered!
**[04:54] Nagumo**
Sorry!
**[04:56] Mashiro**
Quit peeping at my underwear
any chance you get!
**[04:58] Nagumo**
I told you, I'm not.
**[05:00] Mashiro**
Despite how I may appear,
I practice Ryukyu karate,
**[05:04] Mashiro**
so if you try anything funny,
your head's gonna go flying.
**[05:07] Nagumo**
There's no move in Ryukyu karate
that sends heads flying.
**[05:11] Nagumo**
There's gotta be other
part-time work you can do.
**[05:13] Nagumo**
Why do you want to be
a detective's assistant?
**[05:18] Mashiro**
Because I'm striving to
be a detective one day.
**[05:21] Nagumo**
Who says that with a spear
over their shoulder?
**[05:24] Mashiro**
I've been working super hard
since I was little to become a detective.
**[05:28] Mashiro**
My storage technique is
just another result of my effort.
**[05:30] Nagumo**
No technique makes *that* possible.
**[05:33] Mashiro**
I promise I'll be useful, okay? So please!
**[05:38] Nagumo**
Seriously—
**[05:39] Mashiro**
Say no more!
**[05:40] Mashiro**
I'm an aspiring detective.
**[05:43] Mashiro**
I will deduce what you were about to say.
**[05:46] Nagumo**
Can you do that?
**[05:48] Mashiro**
Not to worry. I watched all of
*Furuhata Ninzaburo* yesterday.
**[05:53] Nagumo**
Is that gonna work?
**[05:55] Mashiro**
Hmm, I'm going to say...
**[05:58] Mashiro**
Since you've had less work lately,
you don't have the money to hire anyone?
**[06:03] Nagumo**
Whoa, it really *did* work!
**[06:05] Mashiro**
Well? Wanna hire me now?
**[06:07] Nagumo**
I don't have time for this.
Try somewhere else.
**[06:10] Mashiro**
Hey, wait!
***SIGN*** Tamura Takako
***SIGN*** Age 27. Office worker
***SIGN*** Married client 2 years ago
***SIGN*** Signs of a man
***SIGN*** around her
***SIGN*** for 2 weeks
***SIGN*** Suspected of meeting
***SIGN*** a man in
***SIGN*** secret
***SIGN*** at work
**[06:20] Nagumo**
Tamura Takako.
**[06:21] Nagumo**
Age 27. Office worker.
**[06:23] Nagumo**
Married the client two years ago.
**[06:25] Nagumo**
Signs of a man around her
for two weeks.
**[06:28] Nagumo**
Suspected of meeting
a man in secret at work.
**[06:33] Nagumo**
Frankly, she's looking pretty guilty to me,
but there've been no changes this week...
**[06:38] Nagumo**
Oh, she's on the move.
**[06:46] Nagumo INT**
* In the opposite direction from*
* her office. Is she meeting a man?*
**[06:53] Nagumo INT**
*She went into a café. Okay, I'll go in, too.*
**[06:56] Nagumo INT**
*Wait.*
**[06:57] Nagumo INT**
*What kind of fancy café is this?*
**[07:01] Nagumo INT**
* An old guy like me would stick out*
* like a sore thumb if I went in there alone.*
**[07:06] Nagumo**
I'll just watch from outside.
**[07:09] Mashiro**
Squee! What is this café? It looks so cute!
**[07:15] Mashiro**
Let's go in, Kei-chan.
**[07:17] Nagumo**
Hey! What are you—
**[07:19] Mashiro**
You want to go in there, right?
**[07:21] Mashiro**
An old dude like you would stick out
like a sore thumb if you went in there alone.
**[07:25] Mashiro**
I'll pretend to be your
much younger girlfriend.
**[07:28] Mashiro**
Let's go in, okay?
**[07:29] Nagumo**
Uh, okay, I guess.
**[07:33] Staff**
Welcome! Have you decided
what you'd like to order?
**[07:37] Nagumo**
Oh, uh...
**[07:41] Nagumo INT**
*The menu's so fancy, I can't read it.*
**[07:43] Mashiro**
Just order anything.
It doesn't matter what it is.
**[07:47] Nagumo**
Okay, then, one Hoppy.
**[07:48] Mashiro**
What even is that?!
**[07:50] Nagumo**
What? I can't get that?
**[07:51] Mashiro**
Should a detective draw attention
to himself from the get-go?
**[07:54] Nagumo**
But I can't read any of it.
**[07:55] Mashiro**
Ugh, fine. I'll order, okay? Just wait there.
**[07:58] Mashiro**
'Scuse me! Two venti hazelnut vanilla almond
caramel frappuccinos with an espresso shot,
**[08:02] Mashiro**
extra chocolate chips, and whipped cream.
**[08:05] Nagumo**
That's so long!
***SIGN*** Venti Hazelnut Vanilla Almond Caramel Frappuccino with an Espresso Shot, Extra Chocolate Chips, and Whipped Cream: ~915 Calories
**[08:07] Nagumo**
I have severe hyperesthesia, you know.
**[08:10] Mashiro**
Hyper-squeeze-ya? What's that?
**[08:12] Nagumo**
Never mind.
**[08:14] Nagumo**
I get how enthusiastic you are,
**[08:17] Nagumo**
but there must be other detective
agencies looking for assistants.
**[08:20] Mashiro**
Yours is super close to my house, though.
**[08:24] Nagumo**
Oh, is it?
**[08:26] Nagumo**
You know, I've been doing
detective work for twenty years now,
**[08:31] Nagumo**
and it's not easy work.
**[08:34] Mashiro**
That's the woman you were tailing, right?
**[08:36] Mashiro**
Cheating?
**[08:38] Nagumo**
Bingo.
**[08:40] Nagumo**
She might be cheating on her husband,
**[08:42] Nagumo**
so my job is to take some photos proving it.
**[08:45] Nagumo**
Which is why I'm keeping my eye on her.
**[08:48] Mashiro**
You're making it super obvious!
**[08:50] Mashiro**
Are you really a pro? You'll get noticed
right away, staring like that.
**[08:54] Nagumo**
I can't help it!
I'm getting farsighted with age.
**[08:56] Mashiro**
So wear glasses!
**[08:58] Mashiro**
Oh, crap! She's getting suspicious!
**[09:01] Mashiro**
Here, Kei-chan. Open wide.
**[09:04] Nagumo**
M-My hyperesthesia! My hyperesthesia!
**[09:07] Mashiro**
Aw, there's no need to act so embarrassed.
**[09:10] Mashiro**
We *are* a couple, after all!
**[09:13] Takako**
Oh, a couple with an age gap.
**[09:15] Mashiro**
Whew. We managed to fool her.
**[09:18] Nagumo**
You didn't have to freak out like that.
**[09:20] Nagumo**
No one's gonna catch on *that* easily.
**[09:22] Mashiro**
Wrong! Your thinking's too old-fashioned.
**[09:24] Mashiro**
If I hadn't been here,
you'd be dead for sure.
**[09:27] Nagumo**
Why would I be dead?
**[09:29] Mashiro**
In this day and age, smartphones make it easy
to spread photos all around the world.
**[09:33] Mashiro**
People are more sensitive
to the eyes of strangers now.
**[09:37] Nagumo**
What's a "smartphone"?
**[09:38] Mashiro**
Oh, come on! Get it together!
**[09:41] Mashiro**
This is a smartphone.
**[09:43] Mashiro**
Don't you see people on the street with 'em?
What'd you think they are?
**[09:46] Nagumo**
Hand mirrors.
**[09:47] Mashiro**
Maybe be a little inquisitive?
You *are* a detective.
**[09:51] Nagumo**
The times sure do change fast.
**[09:54] Mashiro**
I was tailing you while
you were tailing that woman.
**[09:58] Mashiro**
Who tails someone carrying milk
and a red bean bun in this day and age?
**[10:01] Nagumo**
What? Hang on.
**[10:03] Nagumo**
You were following me?
**[10:05] Mashiro**
Knowing an HS girl tailed you
doesn't piss you off?
**[10:07] Nagumo**
What's "HS" mean?
**[10:09] Mashiro**
Oh, come on!
**[10:11] Mashiro**
Maybe it's not your health losing you work,
but the fact that your senses have dulled.
**[10:17] Nagumo**
You nailed it. I can tell my intuition's
been suffering more than my health lately.
**[10:23] Nagumo**
But the old ways are all I know.
**[10:27] Nagumo**
And those ways got me to the top once,
so they're even harder to let go.
**[10:32] Nagumo**
You know, they used to call me
a "great detective."
**[10:36] Nagumo**
Hard to believe, right?
**[10:42] Mashiro**
I believe it.
**[10:43] Nagumo**
Look!
**[10:43] Nagumo**
A man!
**[10:45] Nagumo**
I think he's her superior at work.
**[10:48] Nagumo**
So is she guilty or not?
**[10:50] SFX**
Hug!
**[10:51] Nagumo**
Yep. Guilty.
**[10:53] Nagumo**
I knew it.
**[10:54] Mashiro**
Whoa. This is way too real.
**[10:57] Nagumo**
When it comes to cheating,
it's easier to prove guilt than innocence.
**[11:03] Nagumo**
This pretty much clinches it.
**[11:05] Nagumo**
Now you just need a photo
and the job's done, yeah?
**[11:07] Nagumo**
Exactly.
**[11:09] Mashiro**
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
**[11:11] Mashiro**
You're being way too obvious.
**[11:13] Mashiro**
Aren't you supposed to be sneakier?
**[11:15] Mashiro**
Also, an instant camera's
gonna stand out way too much.
**[11:18] Nagumo**
But it's all I have.
**[11:20] Mashiro**
See? They're looking at us!
You can't point the lens at them now!
**[11:24] Nagumo**
So what am I supposed to do?
**[11:26] Mashiro**
I swear!
**[11:28] Mashiro**
Smile, Kei-chan. Say cheese!
***SIGN*** Nagumo Detective Agency
**[11:34] ClientA**
There's no mistaking it.
**[11:37] ClientA**
That's definitely my wife.
**[11:39] ClientA**
I can't believe she really
was cheating on me.
**[11:42] Nagumo**
I feel your pain.
**[11:55] Nagumo**
And?
**[11:56] Nagumo**
How long are you gonna sit there?
**[11:59] Mashiro**
Make me your assistant.
**[12:01] Nagumo**
I told you. No.
**[12:04] Mashiro**
I think I was pretty useful, though.
**[12:08] Nagumo**
I mean, you *were* useful, yeah.
**[12:11] Mashiro**
Really? Then...
**[12:13] Nagumo**
Instead, I'll give you a ticket you can
redeem to observe my agency anytime.
**[12:18] Mashiro**
What? Stingy.
**[12:20] Nagumo**
Point is, you're not ready
to be my assistant yet.
**[12:24] Mashiro**
Mine.
**[12:25] Nagumo**
Hey. Give that back.
**[12:28] Mashiro**
It's my reward for today.
**[12:30] Nagumo**
Yeah, whatever.
**[12:32] Nagumo**
So? How did you feel about your first job?
**[12:37] Mashiro**
Well, I'd say...
**[12:39] Mashiro**
I could've used a little more...
**[12:43] Mashiro**
excitement.
**[12:43] Nagumo**
You...
**[12:45] Mashiro**
Y'know?
**[12:46] Nagumo**
You knew who I was?
**[12:48] Mashiro**
Later, old dude.
**[12:49] Nagumo**
Hey! Your name!
You didn't tell me your name!
**[12:52] Mashiro**
It's Mashiro.
**[12:54] Mashiro**
You can call me Mashiro-chan.
**[12:56] Nagumo**
I won't be doing that.
**[12:58] Nagumo**
Careful getting home.
**[13:03] Nagumo**
Ow, ow, ow, ow! My back!
**[13:08] Mashiro**
Old dude?
**[13:11] Mashiro**
Oh, jeez! You're the one
who needs to be careful!
***SIGN*** Nagumo Detective Agency
**[13:15] Mashiro**
Holy crap. You're bent at a right angle.
***SIGN*** Nagumo Detective Agency
***SIGN*** Nagumo Detective Agency
***SIGN*** Nagumo Detective Agency
***SIGN*** Nagumo Detective Agency
***SIGN*** Nagumo Detective Agency
***SIGN*** Nagumo Detective Agency
***SIGN*** Nagumo Detective Agency
***SIGN*** Nagumo Detective Agency
**[13:21] Nagumo/Mashiro**
What?!
**[13:23] Nagumo/Mashiro**
This *isn't* the right cat?!
**[13:26] ClientB**
See? The ears aren't the right color.
**[13:29] Nagumo**
Oh. I see it now.
**[13:31] Nagumo**
So what do we do with this guy?
**[13:33] Nagumo**
We can't just toss him out.
**[13:37] Mashiro**
From now on, you're our
agency's mascot, Cerberus.
**[13:41] Nagumo**
What? We're keeping him?
**[13:42] Nagumo**
Also, wasn't Cerberus a dog?
**[13:45] Mashiro**
This old dude's so nitpicky, isn't he?
**[13:47] Mashiro**
Anyway, glad to have you on board, Cerberus.
**[13:53] Mashiro**
Don't underestimate humans,
you little piece of shit.
**[13:57] ClientB**
Um, what about my request?
***SIGN*** Mashiro's Pest Extermination
***SIGN*** Mashiro's Pest Extermination
***SIGN*** Nagumo Detective Agency
***SIGN*** Seeking
Work!
***SIGN*** We'll Do Anything!
***SIGN*** Isn't this fun?
***SIGN*** Everyone's Happy...
**[14:07] Mashiro**
What do you think? I made a poster
for the Nagumo Detective Agency!
**[14:12] Mashiro**
I've always had a knack
for drawing, if nothing else.
**[14:16] Mashiro**
Now we'll get tons of clients.
**[14:19] Mashiro**
Hey! That's so mean!
**[14:21] Nagumo**
Why'd you put "We'll do anything"?
***SIGN*** Nagumo Detective Agency
**[14:24] Nagumo**
We're not an odd jobs agency.
**[14:26] Nagumo**
Have some pride as a detective.
**[14:28] Mashiro**
You were the one crawling
around, looking for a cat.
**[14:31] Nagumo**
Finding lost pets is
legitimate detective work.
**[14:35] Mashiro**
It's hard to make a living on
detective work alone these days.
**[14:39] Mashiro**
You gotta branch out
and try some other jobs.
**[14:42] Mashiro**
Like catching the bear
that showed up in town.
**[14:44] Nagumo**
No death-defying jobs, please.
**[14:46] Nagumo**
Anyway, how's that poster
gonna attract clients?
**[14:49] Nagumo**
Rejected.
**[14:50] Mashiro**
I've already put them up
all over town. Five hundred of them.
**[14:54] Nagumo**
Wait, five hundred?!
**[14:55] Nagumo**
How much did it *cost* to print all...
**[14:59] Nagumo**
Oh, you want food? I'll go get something—
**[15:03] Nagumo**
Bro!
**[15:13] Nagumo**
Stay away from me!
**[15:17] Mashiro**
Jeez, Cerberus, you shouldn't
eat gross things like this.
**[15:21] Nagumo**
I can't believe you can touch that thing.
**[15:23] Mashiro**
What? Bugs are no problem.
**[15:26] Mashiro**
Wait. Don't tell me you're...
**[15:36] Nagumo**
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
**[15:38] Mashiro**
Wait up!
**[15:41] Nagumo**
Damn it!
**[15:42] Nagumo**
Go take down every last one of those posters!
**[15:46] Nagumo**
For the love of...
**[15:49] ClientC**
Hello, police? I just saw a high school girl
get murdered by being thrown out a window.
**[15:54] Nagumo**
You've got it all wrong!
**[15:57] Nagumo**
I'm so sorry for startling you, mademoiselle.
**[16:01] Nagumo**
She's the type that can fall
from five stories up and not get hurt.
**[16:05] ClientC**
I've never heard of a "type" like that.
**[16:09] Nagumo**
So what brings you here today?
**[16:10] ClientC**
This might be outside
your area of expertise,
**[16:13] ClientC**
but your poster *did* say
you'd do anything, so...
**[16:17] Nagumo INT**
*It's working already?*
**[16:18] ClientC**
The thing is, bees have
built a nest on my house—
**[16:21] Nagumo**
Nope.
**[16:22] ClientC**
That was quick!
**[16:25] Nagumo**
Forgive me, but let's switch
to grown-up topics now.
**[16:29] Nagumo**
Speak of this to no one.
**[16:31] ClientC**
A-All right.
**[16:34] Nagumo**
Thing is...
**[16:37] Nagumo**
I absolutely can't stand bugs.
**[16:40] ClientC**
Are you a child?!
**[16:42] ClientC**
But there are no exterminators in town.
**[16:44] Nagumo**
I can't handle them, and that's that.
**[16:47] Nagumo**
Oh. Maybe I'll have Mashiro do it.
**[16:50] Nagumo**
Bugs don't bother her. She's tough.
**[16:56] Nagumo**
Um, how do you make a call on one of these?
**[17:00] ClientC**
What?
**[17:03] Mashiro**
What is it? I'm not done
taking down all the posters.
**[17:07] Nagumo**
* We got an urgent request*
* for an extermination.*
**[17:10] Nagumo**
*Can you take it alone?*
**[17:12] Mashiro**
What? A job?! I'm on it! Leave it to me!
**[17:16] Nagumo**
What's your address?
**[17:17] ClientC**
Such-and-such in the town of so-and-so.
**[17:19] Mashiro**
Such-and-such in the town
of so-and-so? Okay, got it!
**[17:23] Nagumo**
*Great. Take care of it.*
**[17:28] Nagumo**
*Hello? Can you see the nest?*
**[17:33] Mashiro**
I see it.
***SIGN*** The Crime Family
***SIGN*** The Crime Family
**[17:34] Mashiro**
A giant, towering nest of nasty pests.
***SIGN*** The Crime Family
***SIGN*** The Crime Family
***SIGN*** The Crime Family
***SIGN*** The Client's Actual House
***SIGN*** The Crime Family
**[17:37] Nagumo**
*Is it really that big?*
**[17:40] Nagumo**
*Okay, wipe it out quick, then.*
**[17:42] Mashiro**
Is that really the thing to say right now?
**[17:44] Nagumo**
*Why are you being all modest now?*
**[17:47] Mashiro**
But, uh...
**[17:49] Nagumo**
I'm counting on you, partner.
**[17:54] Mashiro**
*Okay. I'll try.*
**[17:56] Nagumo**
And make sure you're prepared first.
**[17:59] Mashiro**
Partner, huh?
**[18:01] Mashiro**
I gotta live up to his expectations.
**[18:04] Mashiro**
It's okay.
**[18:06] Mashiro**
I did all that training, and I've watched
tons of action movies for research.
**[18:10] Mashiro**
Like *D°e Hard*, *R°°°dent Evil*, *T°mb Raider*.
**[18:15] Mashiro**
I am a hero. I am an agent!
**[18:19] Nagumo**
*Are you ready?*
**[18:21] Mashiro**
All set.
**[18:22] Nagumo**
*Why English?*
***SIGN*** Guide to Insect Extermination
***SIGN*** Seiso Shobo
**[18:25] Nagumo**
Okay, first...
**[18:28] Nagumo**
*Get as close as you can to the nest.*
**[18:33] Nagumo**
* Then, once you've found the entrance*
* and confirmed how many are inside...*
***SIGN*** Virtue
***SIGN*** Virtue
***SIGN*** Virtue
***SIGN*** Virtue
**[18:37] Nagumo**
*Block the entrance.*
***SIGN*** Virtue
**[18:41] Skin**
Who's this brat?
**[18:43] Brains**
Are you lost?
**[18:47] Nishino**
What brings you here, little lady?
**[18:50] Nagumo**
*And when the entrance is blocked,*
**[18:52] Nagumo**
*let loose with the insecticide!*
**[18:54] Ken-san**
Tear gas?!
**[18:55] Teppo**
She's a button gal here to whack us!
**[18:57] Bro**
Get her!
**[18:58] Nagumo**
They'll probably be pissed after
you spray them, so be careful.
**[19:03] Enemy of Women**
I'll stab you!
**[19:05] Nagumo**
*And be careful not to get pricked.*
**[19:07] Boss**
Little brat.
**[19:10] Boss**
This ends now.
**[19:12] Boss**
*Make a honeycomb outta her!*
**[19:15] Nagumo**
Honeycomb?
**[19:16] Nagumo**
Well, I know it's a bee nest, but...
**[19:17] Nagumo**
*Wait, whose deep voice was that?*
**[19:20] Mashiro**
Projectiles, huh?
**[19:22] Mashiro**
In that case, I need this, too.
**[19:26] Skin**
Did we get her?
**[19:29] Boss**
What the hell is that weapon?!
**[19:36] Brains**
*It's a flamethrower!*
**[19:38] Nagumo**
What? What happened?
**[19:40] Nezu**
Boss! Bro!
**[19:42] Nezu**
Shit.
**[19:44] Nezu**
I guess it's all up to me now.
**[19:49] Nezu INT**
*But can I beat this monster on my own?*
**[19:54] Nezu INT**
* Sh-She's terrifying.*
* Her face is scary as hell.*
**[19:58] Nezu INT**
* Man, I shouldn't have joined the yakuza*
* just 'cause I looked good in flashy suits.*
**[20:06] Nezu INT**
*She dropped the weapon. Now's my chance!*
**[20:10] Nezu**
I'm gonna take your very soul!
**[20:18] Na**
*Nezu Taro, aged twenty-two.*
**[20:20] Na**
* After two years in the yakuza,*
* he sensed death looming for the first time.*
***SIGN*** Unused
***SIGN*** Booze
***SIGN*** Cars
***SIGN*** Women
***SIGN*** P&D
***SIGN*** Yazawa
**[20:24] Na**
* At that moment, the limiter*
* on his brain was released,*
**[20:27] Na**
* and after fumbling around*
* for a way to stay alive...*
**[20:30] Nezu**
I'm sorry!
**[20:33] Nezu**
I'll quit the yakuza right away!
Please forgive me!
**[20:36] Nezu**
I'm begging you! I'm begging you!
**[20:39] Mashiro**
I'm done, old dude.
**[20:41] Nagumo**
Hey, good job. You did it.
**[20:44] Nagumo**
Shoulda known you could.
**[20:46] ClientC**
What a relief.
**[20:48] Nagumo**
*By the way, can you tell what type they are?*
**[20:50] Mashiro**
Huh? What type?
**[20:52] Nagumo**
* Yeah. If you don't know,*
* just tell me what they look like.*
**[20:56] Mashiro**
What they look like?
**[20:59] Mashiro**
If I had to say...
**[21:01] Mashiro**
*Long-legged.*
**[21:03] Nagumo**
Hmm, paper wasps, maybe?
***SIGN*** Nagumo Detective Agency
**[21:08] News**
* The designated criminal organization,*
* the Crime Family,*
**[21:10] News**
* has had its office destroyed*
* by an unknown individual.*
**[21:14] Nagumo**
Did... *you* do that?
**[21:17] Mashiro**
Yep!
**[21:18] Nagumo**
Wait! How'd destroying a bee nest turn into
taking down a criminal organization?
**[21:22] Nagumo**
What the hell kind of mistake led to *that*?
**[21:25] Mashiro**
I goofed up. Tee-hee.
**[21:27] Nagumo**
Wipe off the other guy's blood
before you say that.
**[21:30] Mashiro**
Oh, yeah! I got something out of it, too.
**[21:32] Mashiro**
Come on out.
**[21:35] Mashiro**
Ta-da! This is Nezu-kun, ex-yakuza.
**[21:39] Nezu**
Hey! Thanks for havin' me.
**[21:42] Mashiro**
You really do have long legs, Nezu-kun.
**[21:45] Nezu**
Big Sis Mashiro granted me this life.
**[21:48] Nezu**
You may use it however you please.
**[21:51] Nezu**
I'm all yours!
**[21:53] Nagumo**
Okay, go make coffee or something.
**[21:55] Nezu**
Got it!
**[21:56] Mashiro**
We gained another new member.
**[21:58] Mashiro**
Our agency's getting livelier and livelier.
**[22:03] ClientC**
Um, what about my request?
***SIGN*** Next Time
***SIGN*** With Ghosts,
Go for the Knees
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100
***SIGN*** Fi
***SIGN*** nd
***SIGN*** the
***SIGN*** Re
***SIGN*** al
***SIGN*** Thi
***SIGN*** ef
***SIGN*** !
***SIGN*** Three Minutes Until Mashiro Explodes
# 2 - With Ghosts, Go for the Knees / Find the Real Thief! / Three Minutes Until Mashiro Explodes
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/series/G79H23Z93/detectives-these-days-are-crazy)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:00] TV**
*So did you see it?*
**[00:04] TV**
*Here's another look in slow motion.*
**[00:14] Nagumo**
Ow, ow, ow, ow!
***SIGN*** Flour
***SIGN*** Sugar
**[00:18] Mashiro**
Salt! Salt!
***SIGN*** Flour
***SIGN*** Flour
**[00:20] Mashiro**
Gotta purify this place quick!
**[00:22] Nagumo**
Don't watch shows like this
if you can't handle that stuff.
**[00:24] Mashiro**
Found it!
**[00:27] Mashiro**
Evil spirits, begone!
***SIGN*** Salt
**[00:31] Nagumo**
Take it out of the bag first!
***SIGN*** Detectives
These Days
Are Crazy!
***SIGN*** With Ghosts,
Go for the Knees
**[02:08] Mashiro**
I've never been able to handle
dark places and ghosts and stuff.
**[02:12] Mashiro**
They don't bother you, old dude?
**[02:14] Nagumo**
Nah, not really.
**[02:16] Mashiro**
I can't believe it. How?
**[02:18] Nagumo**
I mean, there's no such thing as ghosts.
**[02:20] Nagumo**
Okay, then, could you walk through
a graveyard naked at night alone?
**[02:24] Mashiro**
Bet you couldn't!
**[02:26] Nagumo**
That's no prob—wait,
is the naked part necessary?
***SIGN*** Dets These Days
**[02:31] Nagumo**
Ghosts and Santa share the same roots.
**[02:35] Nagumo**
They're products of the imaginations
of innocent children.
**[02:39] Nagumo**
Santa, ghosts, God, the childhood buddy
running up with toast in their mouth...
***SIGN*** God
***SIGN*** God
***SIGN*** God
***SIGN*** God
**[02:44] Nagumo**
All illusions.
***SIGN*** God
***SIGN*** God
***SIGN*** God
***SIGN*** God
**[02:48] Mashiro**
I bet you'd turn into a really
nasty bound spirit if you died.
**[02:54] Mashiro**
Welcome!
**[02:56] Mashiro**
Wait.
**[02:56] Mashiro**
Hayashida-kun.
**[02:58] Hayashida**
Hey. So you really are working
at a detective agency.
**[03:05] Nagumo**
Oh, he's your classmate, huh?
**[03:07] Mashiro**
Haven't seen you in a while.
**[03:09] Hayashida**
Y-Yeah.
**[03:11] Hayashida**
Since you don't come to school
much, um, Mashiro-chan.
**[03:14] Mashiro**
I'm keeping track of my attendance, though.
**[03:17] Hayashida**
Oh, cool.
**[03:20] Mashiro**
So, uh, wh-where'd
your zodiac sign rank today?
**[03:25] Nagumo INT**
* Ah. They're not particularly*
* good friends or anything.*
**[03:29] Hayashida**
Um, I'm here with a request.
**[03:32] Mashiro**
What? From you?
**[03:34] Hayashida**
Yeah. The thing is...
**[03:37] Hayashida**
A ghost keeps showing up around my house.
**[03:39] Mashiro**
For...
**[03:40] Mashiro**
F-F-F-F-F-For real?!
**[03:43] Hayashida**
Yeah. Every night around midnight,
I sense something outside the house.
**[03:51] Hayashida**
So I bought a cheap surveillance
camera to watch for it.
**[03:54] Hayashida**
But it suddenly showed static,
and when the picture came back...
**[04:01] Hayashida**
When I went outside
to try to see what it was,
**[04:04] Hayashida**
the camera displayed static again,
and whatever it was I saw was gone.
**[04:08] Nagumo**
Hmm, a nasty prank? A stalker?
**[04:12] Nagumo**
There's a lot it could be, but Mashiro
and I will stop by to check it out.
**[04:19] Nagumo**
Guess you *do* react to some things
like a normal girl, huh?
**[04:22] Mashiro**
Must sacrifice fifty virgins
to the mountain god right away.
**[04:25] Mashiro**
Must sacrifice fifty virgins
to the mountain god right away.
**[04:25] Nagumo**
Are you some crazy shaman lady
from the boonies?
**[04:29] Mashiro**
I don't think I can do this one.
**[04:32] Nagumo**
Hey, Mashiro.
**[04:33] Nagumo**
Does the detective you wanna be choose
clients based on your moods and preferences?
**[04:39] Nagumo**
I won't say it's wrong
to escape to the easiest path,
**[04:42] Nagumo**
but no matter how far you go on that path,
**[04:45] Nagumo**
you'll never catch up to me.
**[04:48] Mashiro**
Old dude.
***SIGN*** You're the one who
made Mashiro take
the extermination
job, man.
**[04:55] Mashiro**
Okay. I'll do my best!
**[04:57] Hayashida**
M-Mashiro-chan, are you sure you'll be okay?
**[05:00] Mashiro**
Hang on. I'm trying
to recall my coach's advice.
**[05:06] (Flashback) Mashiro**
Coach!
**[05:07] (Flashback) Mashiro**
How do I defeat a ghost?
**[05:10] (Flashback) Coach**
That's easy!
**[05:12] (Flashback) Coach**
Go for its nose.
**[05:14] (Flashback) Mashiro**
You made that up!
**[05:15] (Flashback) Coach**
Every living thing's weakness is its nose.
**[05:17] (Flashback) Mashiro**
And if it doesn't work?
**[05:19] (Flashback) Coach**
If it doesn't work...
**[05:21] (Flashback) Coach**
Go for the knees.
**[05:25] Mashiro**
Okay! I'm good now!
**[05:27] Nagumo**
Who's your coach?
**[05:31] Mashiro**
I didn't know you lived
by yourself, Hayashida-kun.
**[05:33] Hayashida**
Yeah.
**[05:34] Mashiro**
Huh. It's cleaner than I would've expected.
**[05:40] Nagumo**
Hayashida-kun.
**[05:41] Hayashida**
Y-Yes?
**[05:42] Nagumo**
Wouldn't you be able to see this ghost
if you just waited outside?
**[05:46] Hayashida**
Oh, actually, for some reason,
it doesn't come out when people are around.
**[05:51] Nagumo**
Uh-huh.
**[05:54] Mashiro**
So this is connected
to your surveillance camera?
**[05:57] Mashiro**
Hey, I see something!
**[05:59] Nagumo**
Is it here?
**[06:08] Mashiro**
Oh, it's just the old dude with
the cross-shaped chest hair. Whew!
**[06:12] Nagumo**
Wait, wait! Is this guy that well-known?
**[06:15] Mashiro**
Huh? It's the famous old dude
who's been showing up lately.
**[06:18] Mashiro**
You're an old dude, too.
You don't know about him?
**[06:20] Nagumo**
Don't put me in the same category as him!
**[06:23] Hayashida**
There! The static!
**[06:29] Mashiro**
That's two hundred times
scarier than I imagined!
**[06:32] Nagumo**
Okay, Mashiro. Go.
**[06:33] Mashiro**
Me?!
**[06:34] Nagumo**
Well, it looks like it disappears quick.
**[06:36] Nagumo**
We need your speed
if we want to find out what it is.
**[06:44] Mashiro**
You'd better treat me to BBQ later!
**[06:47] Hayashida**
Oh, the static again!
**[06:50] Nagumo**
And it's gone.
**[06:51] Hayashida**
Oh, there's Mashiro-chan.
**[06:53] Nagumo**
Damn. Just barely too late.
**[06:56] Hayashida**
Oh, the guy with the cross-shaped
chest hair is giving her food.
**[07:01] Nagumo**
That's the one type of person
you should never accept food from.
***SIGN*** Day 2
**[07:09] Mashiro**
Today's the day I catch that ghost!
**[07:12] Nagumo**
There's the ghost. Go, Mashiro.
**[07:14] Nagumo**
Damn, she's fast.
**[07:16] Mashiro**
It's gone!
***SIGN*** Day 5
**[07:18] Nagumo**
It's there!
**[07:28] Mashiro**
That *still* wasn't fast enough?
***SIGN*** Day 7
**[07:32] Mashiro**
I'll break the joints in its legs
so it can't run when I catch it.
**[07:36] Mashiro**
I'll break the joints in its legs
so it can't run when I catch it.
**[07:40] Nagumo**
Mashiro gets faster every time, but it always
disappears the moment before she gets there.
**[07:45] Nagumo**
But it doesn't show up at all
if we hide and wait for it.
**[07:49] Hayashida**
We're kind of stuck, huh?
**[07:53] Nagumo**
You're looking pretty content,
all things considered.
**[07:56] Hayashida**
Huh? No, not at all.
**[07:58] Hayashida**
Oh, the static. Here it comes.
**[08:02] Nagumo**
Mashiro! Go through the window!
**[08:04] Hayashida**
Window?!
**[08:07] Mashiro**
I bet the ghost wasn't expecting me
to take a shortcut!
**[08:12] Mashiro**
And I'm here.
**[08:14] Nagumo**
Oh? Now, this is strange.
**[08:17] Nagumo**
Mashiro should be in front of the camera,
**[08:19] Nagumo**
but only the ghost is on the screen.
**[08:23] Nagumo**
Hayashida-kun, what is this?
**[08:25] Hayashida**
Don't ask me. I don't have a clue.
**[08:29] Nagumo**
No, I think you do.
**[08:31] Nagumo**
Because that ghost is you.
**[08:36] Hayashida**
Huh? Wh-What are you saying?
**[08:39] Hayashida**
I'm right here, aren't I?
**[08:44] Hayashida**
You dressed as a ghost, stood in front of the
camera in advance, and recorded the footage.
**[08:50] Hayashida**
And you've been returning it to the
original picture before Mashiro gets there
**[08:54] Hayashida**
so we wouldn't figure out it was a recording.
**[08:56] Nagumo**
Well?
**[08:57] Hayashida**
Wh-Where's your proof?
**[08:59] Nagumo**
Hey, no need to fly off the handle.
**[09:01] Nagumo**
We can find out just
by looking at the camera,
**[09:04] Nagumo**
but the remote is proof enough.
**[09:06] Nagumo**
It's in your pocket, right?
**[09:11] Hayashida**
When did you figure it out?
**[09:13] Nagumo**
On the first day.
**[09:15] Nagumo**
The moment the ghost disappeared,
the old man's light was visible.
**[09:20] Nagumo**
That kind of gave me a clue.
**[09:23] Hayashida**
Why did you pretend you didn't know, then?
**[09:25] Nagumo**
I wanted to know why.
**[09:28] Nagumo**
And I figured that out
over these past few days, too.
**[09:31] Nagumo**
You've got a thing for Mashiro.
**[09:34] Nagumo**
You sure were having
a good time talking to her.
**[09:37] Nagumo**
From the look on your face,
ghosts were the last thing on your mind.
**[09:41] Nagumo**
So you created a ghost that could
never be found and made her look for it
**[09:45] Nagumo**
so you'd have an excuse to see her.
**[09:47] Nagumo**
Am I right?
**[09:48] Hayashida**
N-No—
**[09:49] Nagumo**
It happened to me, too.
**[09:52] Nagumo**
In eighth grade, I borrowed an MD
from a girl and told her I'd lost it
**[09:57] Nagumo**
to get her in my room
so we could look for it together.
**[10:00] Nagumo**
Though I later realized she'd stolen
my G*me Boy and I vomited from the shock.
**[10:05] Hayashida**
I'm sorry!
**[10:08] Hayashida**
You're right about everything!
**[10:10] Hayashida**
I was just so desperate
to get closer to Mashiro-chan!
**[10:15] Hayashida**
I'll pay you, I swear!
Just please, forgive me!
**[10:20] Nagumo**
Are you familiar with Sherlock Holmes?
**[10:24] Hayashida**
Huh? Yeah...
**[10:26] Nagumo**
In one of the books, he says...
**[10:33] Nagumo**
...uh, something that isn't
coming to me right now.
**[10:36] Hayashida**
Huh?
**[10:38] Nagumo**
Well, anyway, stop taking
the roundabout way,
**[10:42] Nagumo**
and just face her head-on. Got it?
**[10:45] Nagumo**
You can pay my fee whenever you can.
**[10:49] Hayashida**
Nagumo-san!
**[10:53] Mashiro**
Sorry about that! I'm back!
**[10:55] Hayashida**
Hey, Mashiro. Hayashida-kun
has something to tell...
**[10:58] Mashiro**
Look! I finally caught the ghost!
**[11:04] Nagumo**
Evil spirit, begone!
**[11:06] Mashiro**
Hey! Take the salt out of the bag first!
**[11:11] Mashiro**
Huh? My pudding's gone.
**[11:13] Mashiro**
I was so looking forward to eating it.
**[11:19] Mashiro**
You didn't eat it, did you, Nezu-kun?
**[11:22] Mashiro**
You wouldn't do that, right?
**[11:24] TV**
*Next up in the news...*
**[11:25] TV**
*Self-proclaimed detective, Nagumo Keiichiro,*
**[11:25] Nezu**
Uh, no, this was just, like...
**[11:28] TV**
* has been arrested on suspicion*
* of stealing women's underwear.*
**[11:29] Nezu**
Uh-oh! Big Bro Nagumo got
arrested for underwear theft!
**[11:32] Mashiro**
Can't you come up with
a better lie than that?
**[11:33] TV**
*That news again...*
**[11:35] TV**
* The man arrested on suspicion of underwear*
* theft was self-proclaimed detective,*
***SIGN*** m 627.5 52 l 294.5 52.5 287.5 48.5 284 42 284.5 36 287.5 31.5 291 27.5 627.5 28
***SIGN*** Former great detective resorts to underwear theft?!
***SIGN*** m 627.5 52 l 294.5 52.5 287.5 48.5 284 42 284.5 36 287.5 31.5 291 27.5 627.5 28
***SIGN*** Former great detective resorts to underwear theft?!
***SIGN*** Reproduction
***SIGN*** Where
are the
stolen
articles?
***SIGN*** Featured Topic
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100
***SIGN*** 50 victims! 150 pairs of underwear stolen
**[11:39] TV**
*Nagumo Keiichiro, aged 35.*
**[11:43] Mashiro**
Seriously?
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100
***SIGN*** Fi
***SIGN*** nd
***SIGN*** the
***SIGN*** Re
***SIGN*** al
***SIGN*** Thi
***SIGN*** ef
***SIGN*** !
**[11:47] Mimasaka**
Wow, it's been ages.
***SIGN*** Metropolitan
***SIGN*** Police
***SIGN*** Department
***SIGN*** Shinjuku
***SIGN*** Station
**[11:49] Mimasaka**
Looks like you've aged a bit, Keiichiro.
**[11:52] Nagumo**
So have you. You're straight-up old now,
**[11:55] Nagumo**
Chief Inspector Mimasaka, sir.
**[11:57] Mimasaka**
Hey, don't address me like that.
Creeps me out.
**[12:00] Mimasaka**
Just call me what you always used to.
**[12:02] Mimasaka**
Still, though...
**[12:04] Mimasaka**
We were prodigies who were once in
the limelight as a high school detective duo,
**[12:08] Mimasaka**
and now, one of us is
just a humble civil servant,
**[12:11] Mimasaka**
while the other is making waves
as a serial underwear thief.
**[12:15] Nagumo**
I told you, it wasn't me.
**[12:18] Mimasaka**
I know that. I don't really think you did it.
**[12:22] Nagumo**
Then let me go home already.
**[12:24] Mimasaka**
I'm afraid I can't.
**[12:26] Mimasaka**
Not when I have this.
**[12:29] Nagumo**
That's...
**[12:32] Nagumo**
What is it? Menko?
**[12:35] Mimasaka**
It's an SD card!
**[12:37] Mimasaka**
It contains footage recorded
by one of the victims.
**[12:40] Nagumo**
And what's an "SD card"?
**[12:42] Mimasaka**
Anyway, until you explain
what happens in this footage,
**[12:48] Mimasaka**
I can't let you go...
**[12:54] Mimasaka**
I didn't do anything, and it broke.
***SIGN*** 10 Minutes Later
**[12:59] Mimasaka**
Well?
**[13:01] Mimasaka**
That's you, isn't it?
**[13:05] Nagumo**
That's me, all right.
**[13:07] Mimasaka**
Guess this case is closed, then.
**[13:10] Nagumo**
No! Wait, wait, wait!
**[13:12] Nagumo**
Something's weird about this footage.
**[13:14] Nagumo**
It's as if he's looking right
at the camera on purpose.
**[13:17] Nagumo**
Based on the number of victims,
this guy's a pro.
**[13:19] Nagumo**
Would a pro make a dumb mistake like that?
**[13:22] Nagumo**
Someone's obviously trying to frame me.
**[13:25] Mimasaka**
That's all speculation
on your part, Keiichiro.
**[13:28] Mimasaka**
Or do you have proof?
**[13:30] Nagumo**
I do have proof.
**[13:32] Nagumo**
Or I *will* have it.
**[13:34] Nagumo**
My assistant will find it.
**[13:38] Mashiro**
Nezu-kun, what is this?
**[13:39] Nezu**
I call it "Operation: Fish Up
the Underwear Thief"!
**[13:43] Nezu**
I'll carry this thing around town,
**[13:46] Nezu**
and the underwear thieves will flock to it!
**[13:49] Nezu**
Whaddya think? Do I have
what it takes to be a detective?
**[13:54] Mashiro**
Nezu-kun...
**[13:55] Nezu**
Yes?
**[13:58] Mashiro**
Two to go.
**[13:59] Nezu**
Huh? Wait, what are you counting?
You're scaring me! I'm sca—
**[14:03] Mashiro**
Look here.
***SIGN*** The Office
**[14:04] Mashiro**
These are the locations
where the underwear thief struck.
**[14:07] Nezu**
Looks like they're concentrated
around our office.
**[14:10] Mashiro**
The old dude was immediately taken in,
even though he wasn't caught in the act.
**[14:14] Mashiro**
That means there's most likely
photographic evidence.
**[14:17] Nezu**
Makes sense.
***SIGN*** The Office
**[14:19] Mashiro**
Given the spots the thefts occurred, it had
to be someone who looks like the old dude,
**[14:24] Mashiro**
and who wanted to make it
look like the old dude did it.
**[14:28] Nezu**
You kinda sound like a detective, Big Sis!
**[14:31] Mashiro**
You think so?
**[14:32] Mashiro**
Also, do you notice anything
when you look at this map?
**[14:35] Nezu**
Ooh, like what? Like what?
**[14:38] Mashiro**
If we draw lines to connect these locations...
**[14:42] Mashiro**
Yes! It forms the shape of the Big Dipper!
**[14:45] Nezu**
Oh! Uh... yeah, um...
**[14:48] Nezu**
That's reaching.
**[14:49] Mashiro**
What? No way! It *totally*
looks like the Big Dipper!
**[14:52] Nezu**
Nah, that's a serious stretch.
***SIGN*** Uzbekistan
**[14:55] Nezu**
It looks like Uzbekistan to me.
**[14:57] Nezu**
And if it did form the Big Dipper,
what would that mean?
**[15:01] Mashiro**
Well, it's... um, that is...
**[15:04] Mashiro**
We should nab everyone we see wearing
clothes with the Big Dipper on them?
**[15:07] Nezu**
That's some shitty logic.
**[15:09] Mimasaka**
Can't believe you found yourself
a reliable assistant.
**[15:13] Nagumo**
Not sure if I'd call her "reliable," but...
**[15:17] Nezu**
Why do you gotta dry
your underwear at my place?
**[15:20] Mashiro**
I can't use the office.
It'd make the thief suspicious.
**[15:23] Mashiro**
The people living near there dry their
clothes inside now because of the thief,
**[15:27] Mashiro**
so he'll naturally end up here. I know it.
**[15:30] Nezu**
Huh.
**[15:31] Mashiro**
Also, interrogations revealed that
he seemed to focus on white underwear.
**[15:36] Nezu**
Just wondering, but are these yours?
**[15:39] Mashiro**
Like hell they are!
These are new ones I just bought—
**[15:41] Nezu**
Hey, Mr. Nagumo!
**[15:43] Nezu**
So they let you go, huh?
**[15:44] Mashiro**
Old dude?
**[15:46] Mashiro**
Check it out. I set a trap
to lure the thief here...
**[15:50] Mashiro**
He looks kinda like him,
but very specifically different!
**[15:54] Thief**
His assistant?
**[15:56] Mashiro**
Hey, wait!
**[15:57] Nezu**
Big Sis, leave this one to me!
**[16:00] Nezu**
Since my legs are so long,
I'm a great runner.
**[16:03] Nezu**
I'll nab that guy in a flash with my spee—
**[16:07] Nezu**
Bug scary. Bug scary. Bug scary.
**[16:09] Mashiro**
I swear, all the men
at our office are useless!
**[16:14] Mashiro**
Hold it, you!
**[16:16] Thief**
As if a girl can catch up to me.
**[16:19] Mashiro**
I'll just have to use this, then.
**[16:21] Mashiro**
Come forth, new weapon! Drone Strike!
**[16:24] Thief**
What? Drone?!
**[16:29] Mashiro**
Yeah, as if I have one of those, dumbass.
**[16:34] Mashiro**
Gotcha!
**[16:36] Mashiro**
I'll make sure you pay
for framing the old dude.
**[16:39] Thief**
Hey, no need to get so testy.
**[16:44] Thief**
Sure am glad they were white.
**[16:47] Nezu**
Sorry, Big Sis! Did you catch the thief?
**[16:51] Mashiro**
I will pulverize him.
**[16:55] Mimasaka**
That's it for today's interrogation.
**[16:58] Mimasaka**
I sure hope your assistant saves you.
**[17:01] PoliceA**
Hey! Who are you?!
**[17:02] PoliceB**
Stop! Where's that momentum coming from?!
**[17:04] PoliceC**
We need backup!
**[17:05] Mimasaka**
What's all the noise out there?
**[17:08] Mashiro**
Sorry for the wait, old dude.
**[17:11] Nagumo**
Took you long enough.
**[17:13] Mashiro**
We caught the thief. He looks just like you.
**[17:16] Mashiro**
See?
**[17:17] Nagumo**
You beat him up so bad, I can't even tell!
**[17:21] Mashiro**
Stop right there!
**[17:23] Mashiro**
Serial arsonist, Knit Man!
**[17:26] Knit Man**
Damn it. How are you so fast in that form?
**[17:30] Mashiro**
I did warn you.
**[17:33] Mashiro**
Take this!
**[17:36] Knit Man**
Wha—
**[17:39] Knit Man**
Hah! Where the hell are you aiming?
**[17:41] Knit Man**
You suck at kicking.
**[17:45] Mashiro**
The pen is mightier than the sword.
***SIGN*** That's my ricochet.
**[17:47] Knit Man**
The English line has nothing
to do with anything.
***SIGN*** Three Minutes Until Mashiro Explodes
**[17:54] Mimasaka**
That was some fine work, Mashiro-chan.
**[17:58] Mashiro**
Nothing's gonna come out of
that kinda praise.
**[18:01] Nagumo**
Uh, something did just come out.
**[18:05] Nagumo**
What's up?
**[18:06] Knit Man**
My art is still out there.
**[18:09] Nagumo**
Your what?
**[18:10] Knit Man**
Go check out parking lot #1 by the station.
**[18:13] Knit Man**
I don't think you'll get
there in time, though.
**[18:16] Nagumo**
Wha...
**[18:17] Nagumo**
Mashiro! You should be fast enough.
**[18:19] Mashiro**
I'm on it!
**[18:20] Mimasaka**
What did you do, Knit Man?
**[18:22] Knit Man**
What did I do? I did art. Art.
**[18:25] Knit Man**
You sure you wanna let that brat handle it?
**[18:29] Knit Man**
My art is pretty provocative.
**[18:32] Nagumo**
*Mashiro, did you find it?*
***SIGN*** It's our 2-month anniversary!
***SIGN*** It's our 2-month anniversary!
***SIGN*** It's our 2-month anniversary!
***SIGN*** It's our 2-month anniversary!
***SIGN*** It's our 2-month anniversary!
**[18:36] Mashiro**
There's a monster hunt quest posted here.
**[18:39] Nagumo**
*That's probably not it.*
**[18:42] Mashiro**
Huh? There's some kind of box here.
**[18:45] Nagumo**
A box?
**[18:46] Nagumo**
Okay, don't touch it.
Stay there until backup—
**[18:48] Knit Man**
I don't think there's gonna be time for that.
**[18:51] Mashiro**
You heard Knit Man. I'm opening it.
**[18:54] Nagumo**
*Wait, you idiot. What if it's a bomb?*
**[19:00] Mashiro**
*It literally is a bomb.*
**[19:02] Knit Man**
Now it's less of a surprise
thanks to your weird preface!
**[19:05] Nagumo**
Uh, sorry about that.
**[19:07] Mimasaka**
Why are you acting so carefree right now?!
**[19:10] Mimasaka**
Get a bomb squad together.
**[19:12] Police**
Yes, sir.
**[19:12] Nagumo**
* Listen to me, Mashiro. Don't touch*
* the bomb, but send me a picture.*
**[19:16] Mashiro**
A picture, huh? Okay!
**[19:19] Nagumo**
There it is. This should give us
an idea of its design.
**[19:23] Nagumo**
We don't need you in the shot.
**[19:26] Nagumo**
*Why are you in the frame with the bomb?!*
**[19:29] Nagumo**
* Keep screwing around*
* and this'll be your funeral pic!*
**[19:31] Mashiro**
Please, no! I'll take another one!
**[19:36] Nagumo**
A solo shot!
**[19:37] Nagumo**
Stop trying to take a good funeral photo!
**[19:39] Mashiro**
*Crap! There's less than three minutes left!*
**[19:41] Nagumo**
What? Run, Mashiro!
**[19:43] Mashiro**
I can't. If it blows,
the buildings above could fall.
**[19:47] Mashiro**
*So I'll disarm it here and now.*
**[19:49] Nagumo**
What? You can't do that!
**[19:54] Knit Man**
This'll be a good show.
**[19:56] Nagumo**
You! Tell us how to disarm
the bomb right now!
**[20:00] Mimasaka**
Stop it, Keiichiro. He's not gonna tell us.
**[20:02] Knit Man**
Hah! There's no way to disarm it.
**[20:06] Nagumo**
You got a plan, Mashiro?
**[20:07] Mashiro**
Yeah. I've seen
bomb-disarming scenes in movies.
**[20:10] Nagumo**
*Movies?*
**[20:11] Mashiro**
If I can get through this,
I think I'll make a breakthrough.
**[20:14] Mashiro**
Though if I fail, it'll do a lot
more than "break through."
**[20:19] Mashiro**
Get it?
**[20:20] Nagumo**
*That's too disturbing to be funny.*
**[20:22] Mashiro**
Okay, I'm taking off the outer cover.
**[20:24] Mashiro**
Based on the stats I have,
if there's a red wire and a blue wire,
**[20:28] Mashiro**
the number of successes after
cutting the red wire is a bit higher, so...
**[20:32] SFX (Knit Man's voice)**
Clump.
**[20:36] Nagumo**
M-Mashiro!
**[20:37] Mashiro**
*I-I'm fine, I'm fine.*
**[20:40] Mashiro**
I just blew up 'cause I was panicking.
**[20:45] Mashiro**
What do I do, old dude?
**[20:46] Mashiro**
There's a whole tangled clump of wires!
**[20:49] Mashiro**
Hey, if I post a shot of me with this
on my head, will I go viral?
**[20:52] Nagumo**
* Is your need for approval*
* really that insatiable?*
**[20:55] Mashiro**
*What do I do? It's down to two minutes!*
**[20:58] Nagumo**
Forget it. Just run, Mashiro.
**[21:00] Mashiro**
*I can't. Regular people are gonna get hurt.*
**[21:03] Nagumo**
But there's nothing more you can do.
**[21:04] Mashiro**
There is!
**[21:06] Mashiro**
I'll take it to a place
where there are no people.
**[21:09] Nagumo**
Wha... You...
**[21:11] Mimasaka**
The bomb squad won't get there in time.
We have to take a chance on her.
**[21:15] Mimasaka**
*Mashiro-chan, this is Mimasaka.*
**[21:17] Mimasaka**
*There's an abandoned baseball field to the north.*
**[21:19] Mimasaka**
* Leave the bomb in the center of it*
* and get out of there.*
**[21:24] Mashiro**
There it is.
**[21:26] Mashiro INT**
*One minute left.*
**[21:28] Mashiro INT**
* I can get to the center of the field,*
* but I won't have time to run.*
**[21:31] Mashiro INT**
*I'll just have to...*
**[21:33] Mashiro INT**
*use the soft touch I built up
playing so much* W°°°°°g Eleven*...*
**[21:38] Mashiro INT**
*to kick it in!*
**[21:42] Mashiro**
Did you see that, Knit Man?
**[21:44] Mashiro**
I win again...
**[21:51] Nezu INT**
*Heya! I'm Nezu.*
**[21:53] Nezu INT**
*I'm actually into photography as a hobby.*
**[21:56] Nezu INT**
* My usual subjects are ruins*
* and abandoned structures.*
**[21:59] Nezu**
Huh?
**[22:04] Mashiro**
Could you tell me how to get to the station?
***SIGN*** That's my ricochet.
**[22:07] Nagumo**
The English line has nothing
to do with anything.
***SIGN*** Next Time
***SIGN*** Great Detective
***SIGN*** Great Detective
***SIGN*** Asunaro
***SIGN*** Asunaro
***SIGN*** The Ones Who Don't
Realize They're Stalkers
Are the Most Dangerous
# 3 - Great Detective Asunaro / The Ones Who Don't Realize They're Stalkers Are the Most Dangerous
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/series/G79H23Z93/detectives-these-days-are-crazy)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** Nagumo Detective Agency
**[00:04] Asunaro**
Oh, how unsightly.
**[00:09] Asunaro**
What a pity. What a pity.
**[00:14] Asunaro**
Wait for me, Nagumo-sensei.
**[00:17] Asunaro**
The time has come to repay my debt to you.
***SIGN*** Detectives
These Days
Are Crazy!
***SIGN*** Great Detective
***SIGN*** Great Detective
***SIGN*** Asunaro
***SIGN*** Asunaro
***SIGN*** Overdue Rent Collection Notice
***SIGN*** Nagumo Keiichiro-sama
***SIGN*** The owner of your building of residence confirms that your rent payment
has not been received by the date agreed upon in your lease agreement.
***SIGN*** Please submit your payment as soon as possible.
**[01:59] Nagumo**
I have no money.
**[02:03] Mashiro**
Want me to lend you some?
**[02:04] Nagumo**
Get real. How much could
a kid like you even have?
**[02:09] Mashiro**
Oh, I'd say around 500 yen, easy.
**[02:12] Nagumo**
I feel pathetic for getting my hopes up,
even for just an instant.
**[02:16] Asunaro**
Ah, I see.
**[02:18] Asunaro**
So this is Nagumo-sensei's agency.
**[02:20] Nagumo**
Whoa! Who are you?!
**[02:22] Asunaro**
Oh, do forgive me.
**[02:25] Asunaro**
You see, I have my reasons for coming to—
**[02:27] Mashiro**
Damn thief!
**[02:29] Asunaro**
Wh-Wh-Wh-What's *your* problem?
I am no thief!
**[02:33] Mashiro**
Liar! How'd you get in here
when the door was locked?!
**[02:37] Asunaro**
It was a piece of cake
with my lock picking skills.
**[02:40] Mashiro**
You are *literally* a proper thief!
**[02:42] Mashiro**
Sit your ass down,
you four-eyed thieving bastard!
**[02:44] Asunaro**
Just listen to me, you barbarian!
**[02:46] Nagumo**
Ow, ow, ow. That shocked me
so much, my heart hurts.
***SIGN*** Nagumo Detective Agency
**[02:51] Asunaro**
I do apologize for startling you.
**[02:54] Asunaro**
I am Asunaro Yuu, high school detective.
***SIGN*** High School
Detective
***SIGN*** Asunaro Yuu
**[02:57] Asunaro**
If a mystery resembles
a puzzle or contradiction,
**[03:00] Asunaro**
I am, by my very nature,
compelled to investigate.
**[03:03] Mashiro**
Don't pick people's locks
and treat it like a puzzle!
**[03:06] Nagumo**
Oh, you're the great detective Asunaro?
I see you on TV a lot.
**[03:11] Nagumo**
You're the top young detective
in the spotlight right now.
**[03:15] Asunaro**
Oh, no, no! I am nowhere near your level.
**[03:19] Nagumo**
So what brings you here?
**[03:22] Nagumo**
Wait, what's wrong?
**[03:25] Asunaro**
*How very odd.*
**[03:26] Asunaro**
* Ten minutes have passed since I entered,*
* and I have not even been served coffee.*
**[03:31] Asunaro**
*What could it mean?*
**[03:33] Nagumo**
Oh, where are our manners?
**[03:35] Mashiro**
There ya go.
**[03:36] Asunaro**
Thank—
**[03:38] Asunaro**
*How very odd.*
**[03:40] Asunaro**
* Most hosts would serve it with milk and sugar*
* on the side if I did not request it black.*
**[03:45] Asunaro**
*What could it mean?*
**[03:46] Nagumo**
Okay, I can tell this guy's
gonna be a real pain!
**[03:51] Asunaro**
I have come today for
one reason, and one alone.
**[03:54] Asunaro**
Nagumo-sensei.
**[03:56] Asunaro**
Please hire me as your assistant.
**[04:00] Nagumo**
Huh?
**[04:01] Mashiro**
What?!
**[04:02] Mashiro**
He already *has* an assistant!
**[04:04] Nagumo**
You're already a
full-fledged detective, anyway.
**[04:07] Nagumo**
Why would you want to work for me now?
**[04:09] Asunaro**
Because it was you who
made me what I am today.
**[04:15] Asunaro**
When I was in grade school,
**[04:16] Asunaro**
I read an old article about you,
and could not tear my eyes away.
***SIGN*** Secret techniques to boost your
deduction skills with your own memo pad!
From the genius detective everyone's
talking about, Nagumo Keiichiro
***SIGN*** Cute and popular!
Sexy summer magnifying glass!
***SIGN*** Nagumo Keiichiro
**[04:20] Asunaro**
A simple high school student,
**[04:22] Asunaro**
edging out all the adults with
his intellect alone to stand at the top.
**[04:27] Asunaro**
When I saw you stealing
all the media attention,
**[04:30] Asunaro**
I dove into this business and
dedicated myself to being just like you!
**[04:35] Asunaro**
And now that I have grown stronger...
Yes, it is time!
**[04:38] Asunaro**
I, Asunaro, am determined
to repay this debt to you,
**[04:41] Asunaro**
and I have come here
hoping to be of use to you.
**[04:45] Nagumo**
Yeah, uh, I appreciate the sentiment,
but I really don't have the money to hire—
**[04:50] Asunaro**
I will, of course, work for free.
**[04:52] Asunaro**
After all, my work is going so well
that I have grown stinking rich.
**[04:56] Nagumo**
Yeah, I bet.
**[04:58] Asunaro**
In fact, I intend to pay you a tuition fee.
**[05:01] Nagumo**
What?! For real?
**[05:03] Nagumo**
Mind explaining in a bit more detail?
**[05:05] Mashiro**
Wait a minute!
**[05:07] Mashiro**
Why aren't you including *me*
in this discussion?
**[05:10] Mashiro**
Shouldn't your first assistant, Mashiro-chan,
be the first one you consult?
**[05:18] Asunaro**
*How very odd.*
**[05:20] Asunaro**
*A gorilla wearing clothes and speaking.*
**[05:22] Mashiro**
This guy is *seriously* pissing me off!
**[05:24] Mashiro**
You must have no common sense at all,
barging in here out of the blue!
**[05:28] Nagumo**
Uh, *you* showed up unannounced, too.
**[05:30] Mashiro**
Wanting to be like the old dude
isn't enough to be his assistant.
**[05:33] Asunaro**
You think my admiration for him
is all I'm bringing to this?
**[05:36] Asunaro**
I'm quite certain I can be
more useful to Sensei than you.
**[05:40] Mashiro**
*Excuse* me?
**[05:42] Mashiro**
Okay! You against me,
Mr. Round Glasses! Let's go!
**[05:44] Asunaro**
But of course, I gladly accept.
**[05:46] Asunaro**
Oh, but first, another coffee, please.
**[05:49] Mashiro**
Comin' right up.
**[05:53] Maki**
I will be serving as your MC.
***SIGN*** Great Detective
Asunaro's Assistant
***SIGN*** Kazamaki Hana
**[05:55] Maki**
I'm his assistant, Kazamaki.
**[05:58] Maki**
You two will compete in three areas
essential to detective work:
**[06:01] Maki**
intellect, deduction skills, and stamina.
**[06:05] Maki**
The first to notch up two wins will become
Mr. Nagumo's official assistant.
**[06:09] Maki**
Is that acceptable, Master?
**[06:11] Asunaro**
Of course, Maki-chan. Not a problem.
**[06:14] Mashiro**
Wait, wait, wait! It seems unfair
that your assistant gets to set this up!
**[06:18] Maki**
Not to worry.
**[06:20] Maki**
I genuinely despise Master.
**[06:22] Asunaro**
Aw, you're so hard on me, Maki-chan.
**[06:25] Maki**
I expect overtime pay for this.
**[06:28] Asunaro**
She talks big, but at the end of the day,
she's head over heels for me.
**[06:32] Asunaro**
Aren't you, Maki-chan?
**[06:34] Mashiro**
Are you?
**[06:36] Asunaro**
Please stop holding your nose.
**[06:40] Maki**
The first round will be
a contest of intellect.
***SIGN*** Guest
**[06:45] Maki**
You will both be given the same wire puzzle.
**[06:48] Maki**
The one who gets it apart first
will score the first win.
**[06:52] Maki**
Are you ready?
**[06:54] Maki**
Then...
**[06:56] Maki**
Start.
**[07:05] Maki**
Oh, my. Great Detective Asunaro is so fast.
**[07:11] Asunaro**
Behold! I will soon have it apart!
**[07:14] Asunaro**
Couldn't you have entertained me a bit—
**[07:20] Asunaro**
*Impossible.*
**[07:22] Asunaro**
*She solved it already?*
**[07:27] Asunaro**
She cut the wire!
**[07:29] Maki**
Mashiro-san has one win.
**[07:30] Mashiro**
Yeah, baby!
**[07:31] Asunaro**
What?! You're *allowing* that?!
**[07:33] Maki**
Well, I only said the one who got it
apart first would be the winner.
**[07:36] Asunaro**
You're a cheater.
**[07:38] Asunaro**
I refuse to accept this atrocity.
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100
***SIGN*** Mashiro
***SIGN*** Asunaro
***SIGN*** We refuse to believe
that which we don't
understand.
—Pascal
**[07:41] Mashiro**
"We refuse to believe that which
we don't understand."—Pascal.
**[07:47] Asunaro**
She's infuriating!
**[07:50] Maki**
The next contest will be deduction skills.
**[07:53] Maki**
This is a coded phrase I came up with.
**[07:56] Maki**
The first one to figure out
what's written here is the winner.
**[08:00] Maki**
Ready, and...
**[08:02] Maki**
Start.
**[08:04] Nagumo**
Uh, do we really need to be outside for this?
**[08:08] Mashiro INT**
*What is it?*
**[08:10] Mashiro INT**
* I can see what looks like*
* an "E" here and there.*
**[08:12] Mashiro INT**
*Is it English?*
**[08:14] Mashiro INT**
* I can't get enough information*
* from the other characters, though.*
**[08:17] Mashiro INT**
*Are they actually drawings?*
**[08:21] Asunaro**
Maki-chan, this is too easy.
**[08:23] Mashiro**
Say what?
**[08:25] Asunaro**
The answer is pi.
**[08:27] Asunaro**
Those are the unlit parts
on a seven-segment display, yes?
**[08:31] Maki**
Tsk. That's correct.
**[08:33] Asunaro**
You won't even look at the winner?!
**[08:35] Mashiro**
Hey! That was way too fast!
**[08:38] Mashiro**
I bet you knew the answer in advance.
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100
***SIGN*** Mashiro
***SIGN*** Asunaro
***SIGN*** Those who study
three times, four times,
or five times more than
anyone are geniuses.
—Noguchi Hideyo
**[08:40] Asunaro**
"Those who study three times, four times,
or five times more than anyone...
**[08:44] Asunaro**
are geniuses."—Noguchi Hideyo.
**[08:49] Mashiro**
You little...
**[08:50] Asunaro**
Also, do you even know what pi is?
**[08:53] Mashiro**
Of course I do!
Are you tryna pick a fight?!
**[08:56] Maki**
Our final contest is one of stamina.
**[08:59] Mashiro**
What's that?
**[09:00] Maki**
Let's call it a "stamp rally race," shall we?
**[09:04] Maki**
You'll collect stamps I've placed
in three locations around the park.
**[09:07] Maki**
The first to make it back here is the winner.
**[09:10] Asunaro**
I'll help you search for your next job.
**[09:13] Mashiro**
Keep talkin', buddy.
**[09:15] Maki**
Now, on your marks.
**[09:18] Maki**
Ready...
**[09:19] Maki**
Start.
**[09:22] Maki**
If you're not going to
take this seriously, I'm leaving.
**[09:25] Asunaro**
Bold of you to slam into me like
a sumo wrestler, you cowardly muscle-girl.
**[09:29] Mashiro**
I should be calling *you* the coward,
you four-eyed shitbag!
**[09:34] Maki**
I'm sorry you have to go along
with this nonsense.
**[09:37] Nagumo**
Oh, it's fine.
**[09:39] Maki**
Master—that is, Asunaro—
admires you deeply.
**[09:44] Maki**
You're all he ever talks about.
**[09:47] Nagumo**
He's got some weird taste, then.
**[09:50] Maki**
He wants you to reclaim your former shine.
**[09:56] Maki**
His wish for you to return to
center stage has brought him this far.
***SIGN*** First Stamp
**[10:01] Nagumo**
Do I look that much duller now?
**[10:04] Maki**
Oh! I'm sorry! That's not what I meant!
**[10:07] Nagumo**
Nah, I was just joking.
**[10:10] Nagumo**
Asunaro-kun reminds me of myself
when I was younger.
**[10:14] Maki**
Huh?
**[10:15] Nagumo**
I bet he's enjoying
the hell out of this stage,
**[10:18] Nagumo**
where his skills respond and grow so quickly.
**[10:21] Nagumo**
He's in no doubt that
he can keep it up forever.
***SIGN*** Third Stamp
**[10:24] Nagumo**
The only way he differs from
the younger me is he has support.
**[10:30] Nagumo**
I had no one, much less a partner who'd give
me a push or rein me in when I needed it.
**[10:37] Nagumo**
So I envy him, really.
**[10:39] Nagumo**
A partner who's your own age
is probably easier to talk to.
**[10:44] Maki**
His own age?
**[10:48] Maki**
I guess I'm still worth
keeping around for a while.
**[10:50] Nagumo**
Hm? You say something?
**[10:53] Maki**
No, nothing.
**[10:55] Maki**
So is that girl your support now?
**[10:58] Nagumo**
Hm, I'm not sure.
**[11:02] Maki**
I think you make quite a good pair.
**[11:04] Nagumo**
Yeah?
**[11:06] Maki**
Of course, you needn't worry
about Asunaro's oath.
**[11:09] Maki**
Even if she loses,
please don't fire Mashiro-chan.
**[11:13] Nagumo**
Oh, it's all good.
**[11:19] Nagumo**
No one can beat Mashiro
in a contest of stamina.
**[11:26] Maki**
It pains me to say anything
that constitutes praise for Asunaro...
**[11:30] Maki**
but I don't think she has a chance.
**[11:34] Asunaro**
What's the matter?
You're awfully short of breath!
**[11:37] Asunaro**
I've trained to anticipate any outcome,
no matter the task, since I was a child.
**[11:42] Asunaro**
I am fundamentally different from a civilian
like you who merely has athletic prowess.
**[11:48] Mashiro INT**
*Damn it. My body feels so heavy.*
**[11:52] Asunaro**
Maki-chan!
**[11:54] Mashiro INT**
* If I lose, I won't be able*
* to stay with the old dude.*
**[11:58] Mashiro INT**
*If I lose... If I lose...*
**[12:01] Mashiro INT**
*If I lose...*
***SIGN*** My Talents
These Days
Are Crazy!
**[12:08] Mashiro INT**
*Like hell...*
**[12:10] Mashiro**
*...am I letting that happen!*
**[12:12] Asunaro**
Removing your top layer to reduce weight?
I appreciate your refusal to give up.
**[12:18] Asunaro**
Go on, throw it all away.
It will do nothing to close the gap.
**[12:23] Asunaro**
No matter...
**[12:24] Asunaro**
how much you toss...
**[12:27] Asunaro**
Wait, how much are you even carrying?!
**[12:30] Maki**
Wh-What on earth is that?
**[12:32] Nagumo**
Her storage technique.
**[12:35] Mashiro INT**
* Okay! I've purged*
* all the stuff I was carrying.*
**[12:37] Mashiro INT**
*Now I just need to catch up.*
**[12:39] Mashiro INT**
*I can do this. Just another step.*
**[12:41] Mashiro INT**
*After all...*
**[12:45] Mashiro**
I've been through plenty
of tough training myself!
**[12:51] (Flashback) Coach**
Okay, that's enough.
**[12:53] (Flashback) Coach**
Well done for enduring
all of this tough training.
**[12:57] (Flashback) Coach**
You have completed every lesson.
There is nothing more I can teach you.
**[13:02] (Flashback) Mashiro**
Coach... Can I be...
**[13:05] (Flashback) Mashiro**
a full-fledged... detective now?
**[13:09] (Flashback) Coach**
Of course.
**[13:11] (Flashback) Coach**
Yes. A detective.
**[13:14] (Flashback) Coach**
A detective?
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100
***SIGN*** Mashiro
***SIGN*** Asunaro
**[13:17] (Flashback) Coach**
What's a detective?
**[13:23] Asunaro**
I have been defeated today,
**[13:26] Asunaro**
but I will, without a doubt,
take your position next time.
**[13:29] Asunaro**
I suppose I have found a rival
where I least expected to.
**[13:33] Asunaro**
I will not lose next time.
**[13:35] Mashiro**
Oh, okay.
**[13:37] Asunaro**
*How very odd.*
**[13:39] Asunaro**
* At a time like this,*
* shouldn't the other party say*
**[13:41] Asunaro**
*something like, "You did well yourself,"*
**[13:44] Asunaro**
* giving the sense that*
* a new rivalry has been born?*
**[13:47] Asunaro**
*What could it mean?*
**[13:48] Mashiro**
You're annoying as hell!
Just go away already!
**[13:51] Asunaro**
No need to tell me. I'm leaving.
**[13:53] Asunaro**
Maki-chan, time to go! Maki-chan!
**[13:56] Nagumo**
Oh, she already left.
**[13:59] Nagumo**
She said she was expecting a delivery.
**[14:01] Asunaro**
Maki-chan!
**[14:02] Asunaro**
Maki-chan! You're taking
your mischief a bit too far!
**[14:07] Nagumo**
I didn't even do anything, and I'm exhausted.
**[14:11] Mashiro**
Are you okay with that, old dude?
**[14:15] Mashiro**
I mean, if you made him your assistant,
you'd get money for it.
**[14:20] Mashiro**
Wouldn't he be a better assistant than m—
**[14:23] Mashiro**
Hey! You're gonna shrink me!
**[14:23] Nagumo**
What're you acting like
a considerate adult for?
**[14:27] Nagumo**
So long as you bring in more money
than he does, there's no problem.
**[14:32] Nagumo**
You can do that, right?
**[14:40] Mashiro**
Yeah!
**[14:48] Nagumo**
*I'm broke.*
**[14:50] Mashiro**
I told you, I can lend you some.
**[14:53] Asunaro**
You seem to be in a bind.
**[14:55] Mashiro**
Gah! You again?!
**[14:57] Asunaro**
I didn't pick the lock today.
**[14:59] Mashiro**
Why are *you* here? You're not after
a revenge match *already*, are you?
**[15:02] Asunaro**
Why am I here?
**[15:06] Asunaro**
Well, why else?
**[15:08] Asunaro**
I'm here to ask Sensei to do a job for—
**[15:10] Maki**
I'm sorry about all the fuss
last time, Nagumo-sensei.
**[15:13] Maki**
Please enjoy these
with Mashiro-san, if you'd like.
**[15:17] Mashiro**
Ooh, yokan.
**[15:18] Nagumo**
You didn't have to go out of your way.
**[15:20] Maki**
Oh, no such thing.
**[15:21] Asunaro**
Excuse me, Maki-chan.
You seem to have spoken over me.
**[15:24] Asunaro**
Oh, by the way, I chose that yokan myself.
**[15:27] Asunaro**
As I was saying, I'm here to ask
Nagumo-sensei to do a job for me!
**[15:28] Mashiro**
I'm gonna cut this yokan.
Have a seat, Maki-chan.
**[15:30] Maki**
Oh, thank you.
**[15:32] Mashiro**
This is some fatty yokan!
**[15:34] Nagumo**
Have you never heard of chestnut yokan?
**[15:37] Asunaro**
*Wait. Could it be? Am I actually dead?*
**[15:41] Mashiro**
Yeah, sorry. I took the
teasing a little too far.
***SIGN*** The Ones Who Don't
Realize They're Stalkers
Are the Most Dangerous
***SIGN*** Nagumo Detective Agency
**[15:50] Nagumo**
You've got a job for me?
What brought this on?
**[15:55] Asunaro**
The thing is...
**[15:56] Asunaro**
I am being hounded by a stalker.
**[15:59] Nagumo/Mashiro**
A stalker? You?
**[16:01] Asunaro**
Yes.
**[16:02] Asunaro**
Recently, whenever I'm alone, I get this
indescribable sensation of eyes fixed on me.
**[16:07] Asunaro**
I try to pursue the person, but they're too
fast, so I have been unable to catch them.
**[16:12] Maki**
Master is... technically... somehow...
oddly popular for some reason,
**[16:16] Maki**
and he has some extreme fans.
**[16:18] Maki**
If something awful were to happen...
**[16:22] Nagumo**
I'll accept the job.
**[16:25] Nagumo**
After all...
**[16:27] Nagumo**
I could use a little stimulation.
**[16:29] Asunaro**
Wait, what's the matter?!
**[16:31] Mashiro**
The old dude has hyperesthesia.
**[16:33] Maki**
Sounds like you get enough stimulation.
***SIGN*** Tarafuku
***SIGN*** Cod Roe Land
***SIGN*** Cod Roe — Tarafuku
**[16:44] Mashiro**
Tailing as a trio is kinda fun!
**[16:47] Nagumo**
Come on. This isn't a game.
**[16:50] Maki**
Oh, Master has stopped.
**[16:53] Nagumo**
He keeps staring at that guy in the glasses.
**[16:55] Mashiro**
You think he's the stalker?
**[16:57] Nagumo**
What? He solved the case himself?
**[17:00] Asunaro**
*How very odd.*
**[17:02] Asunaro**
* That man doesn't look like he exercises,*
* but he's wearing earbuds meant for jogging.*
**[17:08] Asunaro**
*What could it mean?*
**[17:09] Nagumo**
Whoa, that's a rude first impression.
**[17:12] Maki**
It is Master's belief that he should
be asking questions at all times.
**[17:16] Mashiro**
Oh, he stopped again.
**[17:18] Nagumo**
What's up this time?
**[17:21] Asunaro**
*How very odd.*
**[17:22] Asunaro**
* That woman has her car*
* filled with cat knick-knacks,*
**[17:27] Asunaro**
*but her husband has the face of a dog.*
**[17:29] Asunaro**
Is he gonna be doing this all day?
**[17:31] Mashiro**
I'd never want to live with him.
**[17:34] Nagumo**
Huh? Some kinda group is coming this way.
**[17:36] Mashiro**
Whoa, a whole flock of girls.
**[17:39] Maki**
That is also a daily occurrence.
**[17:42] Mashiro**
Uh, they're kinda engulfing him...
**[17:45] Maki**
That is also a daily occurrence.
**[17:47] Mashiro**
Oh, he's emerging.
**[17:50] Mashiro**
Wait, all his clothes got ripped off!
**[17:53] Nagumo**
Are those girls muggers or what?
**[17:55] Maki**
That is also a daily occurrence.
**[17:57] Nagumo/Mashiro**
For real?!
**[17:59] Nagumo**
Shouldn't we get him some clothes?
**[18:02] Maki**
Not to worry.
**[18:05] Mashiro**
Oh, a different set of fans.
**[18:09] Nagumo**
What was that, a pit stop?
**[18:11] Maki**
Most of Master's clothes
are gifts he receives from fans.
**[18:15] Mashiro**
Old dude, is there
any point in tailing this guy?
**[18:19] Nagumo**
You haven't noticed, Mashiro?
**[18:21] Mashiro**
Huh?
**[18:22] Nagumo**
Someone shady has been
following him this whole time.
**[18:26] Nagumo**
Two o'clock.
**[18:30] Mashiro**
Whoa, you're right! Who *is* that?
**[18:32] Nagumo**
No, more to the right.
**[18:33] Nagumo**
Although, yeah, that guy
looks pretty wild, too.
**[18:37] Mashiro**
That one, huh? You're right. Looks shady.
**[18:40] Nagumo**
Asunaro-kun, casually relocate
to the place I'm about to direct you to.
**[18:44] Asunaro**
*Understood.*
**[18:58] Asunaro**
Oh, you have only just noticed?
**[19:01] Asunaro**
You are quite the fool.
**[19:02] Asunaro**
You are already trapped.
**[19:05] Asunaro**
Now, why don't you tell me your reason?
**[19:09] Asunaro**
Why have you been stalking me?
**[19:13] Shady Guy**
S-Stalking? I'm not!
**[19:16] Asunaro**
Hmph. That's what they all say.
**[19:18] Asunaro**
The worst stalkers don't
even realize they're doing it.
**[19:21] Shady Guy**
I told you, I'm not!
**[19:24] Asunaro**
Did I not just tell you
that you were trapped?
**[19:27] Asunaro**
Do it, Sensei!
**[19:31] Nagumo**
Would you say you're tougher than a bear?
**[19:39] Nagumo**
It was a long damn time ago,
**[19:42] Nagumo**
but I once had a request to get rid of a bear
that was wrecking someone's field.
**[19:49] Nagumo**
Hey, I'm not done talki—
**[19:51] Nagumo**
Oh, that's bad, right?
That joint shouldn't bend that way.
**[19:55] Asunaro**
Sensei!
**[19:56] Nagumo**
M-Mashiro! Don't let him get past you!
**[19:59] Mashiro**
Understood.
**[20:00] Mashiro**
Go on. Choose left or right.
**[20:03] Mashiro**
I'll stop you either way.
**[20:05] Shady Guy**
Oh, hey, it's Murobuchi, the hammer thrower.
**[20:07] Mashiro**
What?! Murobuchi?!
**[20:09] Mashiro**
M-M-Murobuchi, um...
**[20:12] Mashiro**
I've always been a fan.
**[20:13] Mashiro**
Would you please arm-wrestle with me?
**[20:14] Nagumo**
Oh, come on! Are you really that gullible?
**[20:17] Nagumo INT**
*Wait, how does he know what Mashiro's into?*
**[20:21] Nagumo**
That's not important right now.
**[20:22] Nagumo**
Maki-san, it's up to you!
**[20:24] Nagumo**
You've gotta stop him!
**[20:25] Maki**
Huh? What?
**[20:31] Nagumo**
Didn't see that coming.
**[20:34] Nagumo**
You really saved the day.
**[20:36] Nagumo**
So that's why you dress the way you do, huh?
**[20:38] Maki**
Huh? No, really, that's not...
**[20:41] Nagumo**
Well, in any case, we finally got him.
**[20:44] Asunaro**
Now, why don't we take a look at his face?
**[20:48] Nagumo**
What? Nezu?
**[20:50] Mashiro**
Why is it you?
**[20:51] Nezu**
Y-You've got it all wrong!
I'm not a stalker!
**[20:54] Mashiro**
Why'd you run, then?
**[20:56] Nezu**
Well, you guys looked so serious,
and it was kinda scary, so...
**[21:00] Nezu**
But forget that! *He's* the stalker! Right there!
**[21:03] Asunaro**
Wh-What nonsense is this?
**[21:05] Asunaro**
Who is it you think I'm stalking?
**[21:08] Nezu**
Big Bro Nagumo, obviously!
**[21:10] Nezu**
He's been hanging around the agency
staring at it for about a month now.
**[21:13] Nezu**
Whenever Big Bro steps out, he follows him.
**[21:15] Nezu**
He's clearly a stalker!
**[21:18] Maki**
Master... What is the meaning of this?
**[21:22] Asunaro**
Wait, wait, wait! Maki-chan, it's a mistake!
**[21:24] Maki**
Where is the mistake?
**[21:27] Asunaro**
I was only watching for the right moment
to introduce myself to Sensei.
**[21:33] Asunaro**
I also thought, for future reference,
**[21:36] Asunaro**
I should find out his lifestyle patterns
and interests and such.
**[21:40] Asunaro**
Who could call such consideration "stalking"?
**[21:43] Nagumo/Mashiro/Maki INT**
*I sure could.*
**[21:45] Maki**
Master...
**[21:48] Asunaro**
No, Maki-chan! This isn't...
**[21:51] Maki**
I will hear your excuses later.
**[21:55] Asunaro**
Hup.
**[21:57] Mashiro**
Nezu-kun! Get the stalker!
**[21:59] Nezu**
Got it!
**[22:01] Nagumo**
They say the worst stalkers
don't even realize they're doing it.
**[22:06] Nagumo**
I guess they're right.
***SIGN*** Next Time
***SIGN*** Murder
at the
Mansion
of Screams
***SIGN*** Murder
***SIGN*** Maki-chan and the Generation Gap
***SIGN*** Maki-chan and the Generation Gap
# 4 - Murder at the Mansion of Screams / Maki-chan and the Generation Gap
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/series/G79H23Z93/detectives-these-days-are-crazy)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** Nagumo Detective Agency
**[00:02] Nagumo INT**
* A certain wealthy man has sent me*
* an invite to a dinner party.*
**[00:05] Nagumo INT**
* A dinner party at an old villa*
* in the middle of nowhere.*
**[00:09] Nagumo INT**
*I feel a roiling in my chest.*
**[00:11] Nagumo INT**
*Is it my intuition as a detective?*
**[00:14] Nagumo INT**
*Or just baseless apprehension?*
***SIGN*** Invitation to a Social Gathering
**[00:17] Nagumo INT**
*This letter gives me the distinct odor of—*
**[00:19] Mashiro**
Yay! The old dude and I are
stepping out! I can't wait!
**[00:23] Nagumo INT**
*...an incident—*
**[00:24] Mashiro**
Think I'll need my toothbrush?
You taking yours?
**[00:27] Nagumo INT**
*...an inci—*
**[00:27] Mashiro**
Oh, I'm gonna take my own shampoo!
**[00:32] Nagumo INTO**
*...an—*
**[00:32] Mashiro**
You ready, old dude?
**[00:33] Nagumo**
*You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?*
***SIGN*** Detectives
These Days
Are Crazy!
***SIGN*** Murder
at the
Mansion
of Screams
***SIGN*** Murder
**[02:14] Mashiro**
Isn't this super exciting, old dude?
**[02:16] Nagumo**
Why?
**[02:17] Mashiro**
I mean, how often do you
see situations like this?
**[02:21] Mashiro**
See, here's what I'm thinking.
**[02:24] Mashiro**
An old mansion isolated
from civilization by a rope bridge...
**[02:27] Mashiro**
It wouldn't be a surprise
to stumble across a corpse or two.
**[02:31] Nagumo**
Your imagination's getting away from you.
**[02:35] Nagumo**
This isn't TV. It's a dinner party.
**[02:38] Nagumo**
Just the indulgence of some bored rich guy.
**[02:44] Nagumo**
So this is it.
**[02:46] Nagumo**
Old Nagasaki House,
villa of the wealthy Kuroi Yasuo.
**[02:50] Nagumo**
Also known as the "Mansion of Screams."
**[02:52] Nagumo**
Apparently, there was a massacre
here a long time ago,
**[02:56] Nagumo**
and rumor has it, you can still
hear the screams to this day.
**[03:00] Mashiro**
Wow, talk about setting a mood.
**[03:05] Watanabe**
Hello, and welcome.
**[03:08] Watanabe**
Thank you for traveling so far.
***SIGN*** Mansion
Staff
***SIGN*** Watanabe
Kazuyuki
**[03:10] Watanabe**
My name is Watanabe.
**[03:13] Watanabe**
The dinner party has already begun.
Please, come in.
**[03:17] Nagumo**
A-All right, we'll do just that.
**[03:20] Watanabe**
Right this way.
**[03:22] Watanabe**
This promises to be
a delightful evening indeed.
**[03:25] Mashiro**
Okay, I can already tell you did it!
**[03:27] Nagumo**
I get where you're coming from,
but did *what* exactly?
**[03:30] Watanabe**
I apologize. I am too shy to reveal my face.
**[03:34] Nagumo**
And *that's* the mask design you chose?
**[03:36] Watanabe**
Right this way, please.
**[03:39] Mashiro**
Look at that burn! You got that while
grappling with the victim, didn't you?!
**[03:44] Nagumo**
Again, *what* victim?
**[03:48] Tahara**
Ah, the man of the hour has arrived.
**[03:51] Tahara**
The great detective, Nagumo Keiichiro.
***SIGN*** Photo-
grapher
***SIGN*** Tahara
Gou
**[03:54] Tahara**
Gotta be rough on you, having to play along
with the old geezer's debauchery.
***SIGN*** Movie
Director
***SIGN*** Shiraishi
Megumi
**[03:58] Shiraishi**
Kuroi-san gathers people from all walks
of life for a dinner like this every year.
***SIGN*** Musician
Oki Manabu
**[04:04] Oki**
Wow, I remember you! You're the
high school detective, Nagumo Keiichiro!
**[04:08] Saito**
You two should stay the night, too.
***SIGN*** Martial
Artist
***SIGN*** Hasegawa
Masataka
***SIGN*** Comedian
***SIGN*** Hiro
Saito
**[04:12] Saito**
That mountain road is dangerous at night.
**[04:14] Mashiro**
That guy in the hood looks shady,
but I bet he's actually innocent.
**[04:18] Nagumo**
Yeah, sure.
**[04:20] Mashiro**
So how long has he been
hosting these parties, anyway?
**[04:23] Watanabe**
He's held them every year
for fifteen years now.
**[04:27] Watanabe**
Well, excluding three years ago, of course.
**[04:33] Nagumo INT**
*Three years ago? What happened then?*
**[04:36] Nagumo INT**
* Nah, it'd be pretty insensitive*
* to poke at old wounds.*
**[04:39] Mashiro**
Did something happen three years ago?
**[04:41] Nagumo INT**
*Mashiro!*
**[04:42] Watanabe**
Oh, I came down with the flu, you see.
**[04:44] Nagumo**
*That's such a lame reason.*
**[04:48] Miyano**
Hey. S'been a while.
**[04:51] Asunaro**
I'm glad to see you're all well.
**[04:53] Tahara**
You're...
**[04:55] Tahara**
Miyano!
***SIGN*** Magazine
Editor
***SIGN*** Miyano
Shigeru
**[04:56] Miyano**
What? Got a problem with me being here?
**[04:58] Watanabe**
It appears everyone is here now.
**[05:00] Shiraishi**
Hold on, Watanabe-san!
We were promised Miyano wouldn't be invited!
**[05:04] Watanabe**
I-I'm so sorry. I completely forgot.
**[05:07] Miyano**
Aw, c'mon.
**[05:08] Miyano**
Don't be so cold, Megumi.
**[05:10] Shiraishi**
Keep my name out of your mouth!
**[05:12] Mashiro**
I think something happened between those two.
**[05:14] Nagumo**
Yeah...
**[05:15] Asunaro**
Indeed.
**[05:16] Oki**
Actually, they used to be married.
**[05:19] Nagumo**
Oki-san?
**[05:20] Oki**
They split up because
Miyano got violent with her,
**[05:23] Oki**
but then, they got into
a nasty battle over custody.
**[05:26] Oki**
They still fight like cats and dogs.
**[05:29] Nagumo**
Why are you looking at me with eyes
that say, "grown-ups are gross"?
**[05:33] Shiraishi**
I can't be around this man!
**[05:36] Shiraishi**
Watanabe-san, I'm borrowing the shower!
**[05:38] Watanabe**
O-Of course.
**[05:39] Mashiro**
I think she just set a massive flag.
**[05:42] Nagumo**
It does sound like there's trouble ahead.
**[05:44] Asunaro**
I agree.
**[05:46] Mashiro**
Anyway, why don't we go ahead
and get some food?
**[05:48] Nagumo**
Sure.
**[05:49] Mashiro**
Man, I'm so hungry.
**[05:51] Asunaro**
I'm right here! How is it even possible
for you to ignore me right now?!
**[05:55] Nagumo**
Oh, sorry. You're here, huh?
**[05:57] Mashiro**
I thought you were an Asunaro-shaped
smudge on my contact lens.
**[06:00] Asunaro**
Are you really that bad at lying?!
**[06:02] Asunaro**
Well, if you *must* know, this is
my second time attending this dinner party.
**[06:06] Mashiro**
You'll take any opening
to talk about yourself.
**[06:09] Mashiro**
Hey, Asunaro, doesn't it feel like
some kind of incident is about to happen?
**[06:13] Nagumo**
Sorry. She's been talking like that all night.
**[06:16] Asunaro**
No, Nagumo-sensei.
**[06:18] Asunaro**
In fact, I have detected
a faint whiff of mystery myself.
**[06:23] Asunaro**
This food, for example.
**[06:24] Mashiro**
You don't think it's poisoned, do you?!
**[06:27] Asunaro**
I told them last year
that I can't stand tomatoes,
**[06:30] Asunaro**
yet the main dish is tomato-based.
**[06:32] Mashiro**
Don't stand so close to me.
I don't want people thinking I know you.
**[06:35] Mashiro**
It's so weird.
**[06:37] Mashiro**
With all these elements in place,
there's no way nothing's gonna happen.
**[06:41] Mashiro**
Like, we suddenly hear a scream or—
**[06:43] Tahara**
Was that Shiraishi?
**[06:45] Watanabe**
The shower room is on the second floor.
**[06:47] Mashiro**
What do we do, old dude?
**[06:50] Nagumo**
What? You heard something?
**[06:53] Mashiro**
Oh, come on! Get it together!
**[06:55] Nagumo**
No, seriously, I can't hear
high-pitched sounds.
**[06:57] Mashiro**
This is the problem with old dudes!
**[06:59] Nagumo**
Shiraishi-san! Shiraishi-san,
please open the door!
**[07:03] Nagumo**
No response.
**[07:04] Nagumo**
Watanabe-san, do you have a master key?
**[07:06] Watanabe**
It's in the basement storage.
**[07:08] Nagumo**
We don't have time to wait around.
**[07:10] Nagumo**
Sorry, door. I'm gonna have to break you down!
**[07:14] Nagumo**
Oh, yeah, pretty sure I hurt
my shoulder. Like, for real.
**[07:18] Mashiro**
Ugh! Just stand back, old dude!
Like, *all* the way back!
**[07:27] Watanabe**
I'm sure she just saw a cockroach
or something in the shower.
**[07:31] Mashiro**
It's okay. I've simulated this over and over.
**[07:34] Mashiro**
Even if I find a body,
don't freak out. Don't panic.
**[07:38] Mashiro**
Just try to preserve the crime scene.
**[07:40] Mashiro**
The crime scene.
**[07:41] Nagumo**
Don't look, Mashiro.
You don't need to know this life yet.
**[07:46] Mashiro**
Old dude.
**[07:49] Shiraishi**
C-C-Cockroach.
**[07:52] Nagumo INT**
* She really did just see*
* a cockroach in the shower.*
**[07:56] Shiraishi**
Oh, that gave me such a fright!
**[07:58] Nagumo**
After all that wishing
for an incident to happen...
**[08:00] Watanabe**
Well, she is at a very curious age, after all.
**[08:04] Watanabe**
Now, Mashiro-san, allow me to explain
the tragedy that took place here.
**[08:10] Watanabe**
This was once the home of Nagasaki Kanpachi,
a man who attained great wealth through trade.
**[08:16] Watanabe**
One day, a man with a grudge against
Kanpachi broke into Nagasaki House,
**[08:21] Watanabe**
and slaughtered the whole family
with a billhook.
**[08:25] Watanabe**
To ensure that none of his victims escaped,
the man had cut the rope bridge,
**[08:30] Watanabe**
the only thing connecting the house
to the outside world, in advance.
**[08:34] Watanabe**
Thankfully, the eldest daughter
happened to be visiting a friend that day,
**[08:37] Watanabe**
so she alone survived.
**[08:39] Watanabe**
One stormy day, fifteen years ago...
**[08:43] Watanabe**
...today.
**[08:47] Nagumo**
That was nearby.
**[08:48] Asunaro**
Look!
**[08:50] Nagumo**
That's where the rope bridge is.
**[08:53] Asunaro**
This isn't good.
**[08:54] Asunaro**
If that bridge falls, there'll be no way
to get in and out of this estate.
**[08:58] Mashiro**
You don't mean...
**[09:00] Asunaro**
This mansion will become isolated.
**[09:03] Asunaro**
In other words, we'll all be locked in.
**[09:05] Mashiro**
Old dude, let's go check it out!
**[09:07] Nagumo**
R-Right.
**[09:09] Watanabe**
Will they be all right?
**[09:12] Asunaro**
Watanabe-san.
**[09:14] Asunaro**
That story about
the Nagasaki family massacre.
**[09:17] Asunaro**
I've looked into it myself,
and you're mistaken about one detail.
**[09:22] Asunaro**
You said the killer *cut* the rope bridge,
**[09:25] Asunaro**
but in truth, he burned it so that it would
look like it had been hit by lightning.
**[09:30] Asunaro**
What is the meaning of this?
**[09:33] Watanabe**
I-Is that right? I was only reading
the Wiki entry verbatim.
**[09:39] Asunaro**
Oh, I see.
**[09:42] Nagumo**
Looks like the bridge is fine.
**[09:44] Mashiro**
I guess the lightning hit that tree.
**[09:46] Mashiro**
But we should make absolutely sure.
**[09:49] Mashiro**
Some sparks could've flown onto the bridge.
**[09:53] Nagumo**
Hey, Mashiro.
**[09:54] Mashiro**
Hang on a sec!
**[09:56] Mashiro**
I feel like this support is a bit loose.
**[10:00] Mashiro**
Ah.
**[10:05] Nagumo/Mashiro**
Ah.
***SIGN*** Detectives
These Days
Are Crazy!
**[10:15] Nagumo NAR**
*So far...*
**[10:16] Nagumo NAR**
*Nothing's really happened yet.*
**[10:20] Oki**
Nagumo-sensei! Is the bridge all right?
**[10:23] Nagumo**
Everyone, please stay calm and listen to me.
**[10:26] Nagumo**
I have good news and bad news.
**[10:29] Nagumo**
First, the bad news.
**[10:31] Nagumo**
The bridge is out. Because Mashi—
**[10:33] All**
Say what?!
**[10:34] Shiraishi**
So we can't leave?
**[10:36] Oki**
That can't be. How could lightning
have taken out the bridge?
**[10:40] Nagumo**
Uh, it fell because Mashi—
**[10:42] Tahara**
You gotta be kidding me.
**[10:44] Saito**
I have a shoot tomorrow.
**[10:46] Oki**
So what's the good news?
**[10:48] Nagumo**
The good news is, uh, well...
**[10:53] Nagumo**
* Sorry. I said that because*
* it sounded good, but there isn't any.*
**[10:58] Nagumo**
Anyway, we should all stay inside the house
at least until the storm passes.
**[11:03] Tahara**
Well, this is a problem.
**[11:06] Miyano**
I get the feeling some kind
of incident is gonna happen.
**[11:09] Masami**
Indeed. I do feel a bit uneasy.
***SIGN*** Clown
***SIGN*** Ichijo
Masami
**[11:12] Nagumo**
Wait, wait, wait! And who are *you*?!
**[11:15] Masami**
Who am I? I'm Masamin, of course.
**[11:17] Nagumo**
Using a nickname right off the bat
doesn't help. When'd you even get here?
**[11:21] Masami**
Around the time he mentioned the flu.
**[11:23] Nagumo**
So basically the whole time?!
You could've introduced yourself!
**[11:26] Miyano**
Hey, Mr. Detective.
**[11:29] Miyano**
You said the bridge was out,
**[11:32] Miyano**
but was it *really* the lightning that did it?
**[11:34] Miyano**
Or did someone take it out?
**[11:37] Nagumo**
Well, yes, actually—
**[11:39] Miyano**
I knew it! Just as I thought!
**[11:42] Miyano**
The situation we find ourselves in now
**[11:44] Miyano**
is exactly the same as
the Nagasaki family massacre.
**[11:48] Miyano**
What's the killer after? That's obvious.
**[11:51] Miyano**
He wants to hear screams ring
all through this mansion,
**[11:53] Miyano**
just like on that tragic night so long ago!
**[12:01] Nagumo/Mashiro INT**
*This just took a very unexpected turn!*
**[12:04] Miyano**
That's what you were about
to say, right, great detective?
**[12:07] Nagumo**
Huh? Um, w-well, I mean...
**[12:12] Nagumo**
Precisely.
**[12:13] Mashiro INT**
*He went with it!*
**[12:15] Nagumo**
As Miyano-san says, the killer is trying
to recreate the Nagasaki family massacre.
**[12:23] Nagumo**
Just like fifteen years ago, he's taken out
the bridge on a stormy night,
**[12:27] Nagumo**
isolating the mansion. That's step one.
**[12:30] Oki**
But why would he want to do this?
**[12:33] Nagumo**
Well, um, I...
**[12:37] Nagumo**
My assistant will explain.
**[12:38] Mashiro**
What? *Me*?!
**[12:40] Mashiro**
S-Since I didn't introduce myself
before, I'm Mashiro.
**[12:44] Mashiro**
Uh, the objective of the person
who destroyed the bridge is most likely...
**[12:50] Mashiro**
revenge.
**[12:51] Nagumo INT**
*She went with it!*
**[12:52] Tahara**
Revenge? For what?
**[12:55] Mashiro**
Most likely, against someone connected
to the incident fifteen years ago.
**[12:59] Oki**
Do you have some idea who that might be?
**[13:03] Mashiro**
Yes, of course!
**[13:04] Nagumo**
Hey!
**[13:05] Mashiro**
S-Sorry, I couldn't help it.
**[13:07] Nagumo**
What're you gonna do now?
You're the one who took out the bridge.
**[13:10] Mashiro**
But *you're* the one
who started this whole thing.
**[13:13] Oki**
Everything okay?
***SIGN*** All Good
**[13:14] Nagumo/Mashiro**
All good.
**[13:16] Mashiro**
So yeah, someone connected
to the incident fifteen years ago,
**[13:20] Mashiro**
who holds some sort of grudge
against someone here.
**[13:23] Mashiro**
That would be...
**[13:25] Mashiro**
for the high school detective,
Asunaro, to explain, not me!
**[13:29] Asunaro**
Huh?!
**[13:30] Miyano**
Well? Who's the bad guy?!
**[13:32] Asunaro**
Ah, um...
**[13:35] Asunaro**
Even amid the ear-piercing lightning,
the culprit's desperate, frantic pulse...
**[13:39] Asunaro**
is somehow easily heard.
**[13:41] Nagumo INT**
*He went with it!*
**[13:43] Asunaro**
The one who took out the rope bridge...
**[13:46] Asunaro**
was you, wasn't it, Shiraishi-san?
**[13:49] Shiraishi**
M-Me? I don't know what
you're talking about.
**[13:52] Asunaro**
There was one survivor of the incident
fifteen years ago, was there not?
**[13:57] Asunaro**
The eldest Nagasaki daughter,
fourteen years old at the time,
**[14:00] Asunaro**
making her twenty-nine now, just like you.
**[14:03] Asunaro**
Shiraishi-san, you are
the survivor of that incident,
**[14:06] Asunaro**
and you're here to avenge your family.
**[14:09] Asunaro**
Am I wrong?
**[14:11] Nagumo/Mashiro INT**
*Huh?! Is he gonna get away with that?!*
**[14:18] Shiraishi**
That's right. I'm the sole survivor
of the Nagasaki family.
**[14:22] Nagumo/Mashiro INT**
*She went wi—wait, what?!*
**[14:24] Shiraishi**
After the incident,
I looked into the killer's background,
**[14:28] Shiraishi**
and learned something shocking.
**[14:31] Shiraishi**
The killer was a relative of Kuroi,
the head of this household,
**[14:35] Shiraishi**
and he used Kuroi's influence
to cover up his crime.
**[14:39] Shiraishi**
I couldn't stand for it.
**[14:40] Shiraishi**
I falsified my identity to get here,
**[14:43] Shiraishi**
so I could get closer to Kuroi
and find an opportunity to kill him.
**[14:47] Shiraishi**
And today, I'd recreate
the scene from fifteen years ago,
**[14:51] Shiraishi**
only this time, *I'd* be the one to kill him.
**[14:53] Shiraishi**
That was my plan, and yet...
**[14:59] Shiraishi**
Though I wasn't expecting the bomb
I rigged on the bridge to go off so soon.
**[15:04] Nagumo INT**
*Wait, really?*
**[15:07] Miyano**
Megumi.
**[15:09] Shiraishi**
I only hooked up with you because I wanted
access to the media's information network.
**[15:15] Shiraishi**
I just have the worst luck.
**[15:17] Shiraishi**
Of all things, to think
there'd be three detectives here...
**[15:23] Shiraishi**
Tell me, Mr. Detective.
**[15:25] Shiraishi**
Why do you people always just
happen to be on the scene?
**[15:30] Nagumo**
You've got it backwards, Shiraishi-san.
**[15:32] Nagumo**
It's not that detectives are drawn to crimes.
**[15:36] Nagumo**
We just have this useless fate
that makes incidents drawn to us.
**[15:40] Nagumo**
That's what detectives are.
**[15:43] Mashiro INT**
*He managed to wrap it all up so gracefully!*
**[15:48] Mashiro**
So how are we supposed to get home?
The bridge is gone.
**[15:52] Nagumo**
Yeah, thanks to you, remember?
**[15:53] Mashiro**
Hey, you finally got to say it, old dude.
**[15:59] Maki**
Everyone, I've come to pick you up.
**[16:02] Mashiro**
Hey! Maki-chan!
**[16:04] Nagumo**
Asunaro-kun, you have a helicopter?
**[16:07] Asunaro**
Thanks, Maki-chan!
**[16:08] Maki**
Will you be coming or staying, Master?
You want to stay, right?
**[16:12] Asunaro**
Uh, no! Why would that be multiple-choice?
**[16:16] Mashiro**
Whoa, we're so high up!
**[16:19] Nagumo**
Hey, Asunaro-kun.
**[16:21] Asunaro**
What is it?
**[16:22] Nagumo**
How'd you know Shiraishi-san was the killer?
**[16:25] Asunaro**
Instinct.
**[16:26] Nagumo**
*That's all?!*
**[16:27] Maki**
Master's instincts are abnormally keen.
**[16:30] Asunaro**
Well, you know, in cases like this,
**[16:32] Asunaro**
the woman often ends up
surprising everyone, right?
**[16:36] Nagumo**
Uh, I guess?
***SIGN*** Nagumo Detective Agency
**[16:40] Mashiro**
That was actually pretty fun, huh?
**[16:42] Mashiro**
What's wrong, old dude? You look so grim.
**[16:46] Nagumo**
You didn't notice?
**[16:47] Nagumo**
We never even saw Kuroi.
**[16:51] Nagumo**
The host, absent from his own party?
**[16:53] Nagumo**
Something's clearly off with that.
**[16:57] Mashiro**
No, he was there.
**[16:59] Nagumo**
What?!
**[17:00] Nagumo**
Wh-Where? When did he show up?
**[17:02] Mashiro**
When you were picking on that clown.
**[17:04] Nagumo**
Zero presence!
**[17:06] Mashiro**
Also, apparently, Shiraishi-san
was mistaken about the whole thing.
**[17:09] Nagumo**
Huh?
**[17:10] Mashiro**
That stuff about the Nagasaki family massacre
and Kuroi covering it up was all a mistake.
**[17:16] Mashiro**
Everyone in Shiraishi-san's
family is alive and well.
**[17:18] Nagumo**
So it all worked out peacefully in the end.
**[17:21] Nagumo**
It really was just me
being anxious for no reason.
**[17:26] Nagumo INT**
* No, I'm not just imagining*
* this roiling feeling in my chest.*
**[17:29] Nagumo INT**
* There's still a hidden darkness*
* behind this case.*
**[17:33] Nagumo**
Mashiro, we're going back to that mansion.
**[17:35] Mashiro**
Huh? To do what?
**[17:37] Nagumo**
You know what.
**[17:40] Nagumo**
To find the last piece we need
to solve this case.
**[17:46] Mashiro NAR**
*There was no piece to find,*
**[17:48] Mashiro NAR**
* and the roiling feeling in his chest*
* was just age-related reflux esophagitis.*
**[17:56] Mashiro**
Huh? He should be around here.
**[17:59] Asunaro**
I got mine near here.
**[18:02] Mashiro**
Did he run away?
**[18:04] Mashiro**
Uh, no, I'm right here.
**[18:07] Mashiro**
Ah, there he is!
**[18:10] Mashiro**
Got ya, Bikajuu!
**[18:12] Nagumo**
Hey, watch it!
**[18:13] Nagumo**
What the hell are you guys up to?
I've been right here the whole time.
**[18:17] Mashiro**
Yay, I caught him!
**[18:19] Asunaro**
Sensei, have you really
not heard of "Mokemon GO"?
**[18:22] Nagumo**
The hell is that?
***SIGN*** Bikajuu
***SIGN*** Bikajuu
***SIGN*** Lightning
**[18:23] Asunaro**
A smartphone app that uses GPS
functionality in conjunction with AR
**[18:27] Asunaro**
to allow players to hunt
Mokemon in the real world.
**[18:33] Nagumo**
Sorry, but my Español is a bit rusty.
**[18:37] Asunaro**
I was speaking the same language
I always do, Sensei.
**[18:40] Mashiro**
It took him a whole month to learn
how to take pictures with a phone.
**[18:44] Mashiro**
It'll probably take him until
the next total solar eclipse to learn this.
**[18:48] Nagumo**
That's not for another ten years.
**[18:50] Nagumo**
I'm not *that* stupid.
**[18:53] Maki**
Pardon me.
**[18:54] Maki**
Is my master here?
**[18:57] Mashiro**
Hey, Maki-chan! Long time no see!
**[18:59] Maki**
Um, it's good to see you again.
**[19:01] Mashiro**
Maki-chan, I'm not using my camera.
**[19:05] Mashiro**
Hey, Maki-chan, guess what?
I caught a Bikajuu! Isn't that awesome?
**[19:10] Maki**
Huh?
**[19:11] Nagumo**
C'mon, Maki-san's not gonna get it
if you just start talking about this "Bikajuu."
**[19:15] Mashiro**
Sure she will! All young people
know about it! Right, Maki-chan?
**[19:20] Maki**
O-Of course! I just love B-B-B-Bikajuu!
**[19:25] Mashiro**
Me, too! What's your favorite thing about it?
**[19:28] Maki**
H-How it goes so well
with white rice, I guess?
**[19:34] Maki**
What the heck is "Bikajuu," anyway?
**[19:37] Maki**
Since when did that kinda creature exist?
**[19:41] Nagumo INT**
*She's not in high school?*
**[19:43] Maki**
'Scuse me! Another draft beer, please!
**[19:46] Maki**
And some stingray fin!
**[19:48] Nagumo INT**
*Just how old is she?*
***SIGN*** Maki-chan and the Generation Gap
***SIGN*** Maki-chan and the Generation Gap
**[19:54] Maki**
I'm doin' my best, too, ya know.
**[19:57] Maki**
But youth culture changes so fast nowadays.
**[20:01] Nagumo**
Mm-hmm.
**[20:02] Maki**
Master doesn't even know what a beeper is.
**[20:05] Maki**
Can you believe that?
**[20:08] Nagumo**
Mashiro didn't even know
what a telephone card was.
***SIGN*** Small
***SIGN*** Items
***SIGN*** Small
***SIGN*** Items
***SIGN*** Small
***SIGN*** Items
**[20:11] (Flashback) Mashiro FB**
A-hup.
***SIGN*** Small
***SIGN*** Items
***SIGN*** Small
***SIGN*** Items
***SIGN*** Small
***SIGN*** Items
**[20:13] (Flashback) Mashiro FB**
"Telephone card"? What's this?
***SIGN*** Telephone Card
***SIGN*** Telephone Card
***SIGN*** Telephone Card
***SIGN*** Telephone Card
***SIGN*** Telephone Card
***SIGN*** Telephone Card
***SIGN*** Telephone Card
**[20:17] (Flashback) Nagumo FB**
What, you don't even know
what a telephone card is?
**[20:19] (Flashback) Mashiro FB**
O-Of course I do! I'm a heavy user, in fact!
**[20:22] (Flashback) Nagumo FB**
Okay, you can have that one. Try it out.
**[20:31] (Flashback) Mashiro FB**
H-Hello?
**[20:34] (Flashback) Mashiro FB**
Why are you taking a burst shot? Jerk!
**[20:35] (Flashback) Nagumo FB**
It's just so unbelievable, I couldn't help it.
**[20:38] Maki**
Yeah, kids these days don't
know about telephone cards.
**[20:42] Maki**
I once asked Master
if he knew how to use one...
**[20:47] (Flashback) Asunaro FB**
What a silly question.
You seem to think I'm a fool.
**[20:51] (Flashback) Maki FB**
I do, yes.
**[20:52] (Flashback) Asunaro FB**
Waiter!
**[20:53] (Flashback) Waiter FB**
Yes?
**[20:53] (Flashback) Asunaro FB**
Tell the chef today's meal
was fantastic as always. And...
**[20:57] (Flashback) Asunaro FB**
can I pay with this telephone card?
**[21:01] (Flashback) Waiter FB**
Pardon?
**[21:03] Maki**
It showed me just
how quickly time has flown by,
**[21:07] Maki**
and then I got depressed.
**[21:14] Maki**
Is this what they call a "generation gap"?
**[21:18] Nagumo**
Maki-san, you might want
to call it for the night.
**[21:21] Maki**
I know, right? Today was so much fun.
**[21:26] Maki**
I'm so glad I got to talk to you,
Nagumo-sensei.
**[21:29] Nagumo**
I'm just glad I could be of help.
**[21:32] Nagumo**
I'm surprised, though.
**[21:33] Nagumo**
I didn't know you were older
than Mashiro and Asunaro-kun.
**[21:37] Maki INT**
*Oh, crap!*
**[21:39] Nagumo**
And you can drink even more than me.
**[21:41] Maki**
I-I can't drink alcohol.
**[21:44] Nagumo**
Huh?
**[21:45] Maki**
Th-This is, um, high-volume barley tea.
**[21:51] Nagumo**
But you're not a minor, right?
**[21:55] Maki**
I-I'm, uh, twenty-mrmmff years old.
**[21:59] Nagumo**
Mrmmff?
**[22:03] Maki**
I've never heard of
telephone cards or beepers.
**[22:07] Maki**
And I love Bikajuu.
***SIGN*** Next Time
***SIGN*** Welcome to the World of Grown-Ups
***SIGN*** Welcome to the World of Grown-Ups
***SIGN*** A Midsummer
Thriller
***SIGN*** A Midsummer
Thriller
***SIGN*** A Midsummer
Thriller
***SIGN*** Mashiro
and the
Agent
from the
Stars
***SIGN*** Mashiro
and the
Agent
from the
Stars
# 5 - Welcome to the World of Grown-ups / A Midsummer Thriller / Mashiro and the Agent from the Stars
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/series/G79H23Z93/detectives-these-days-are-crazy)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:00] Mashiro**
Ta-da! Mashiro's special
sea bass acqua pazza!
**[00:04] Mashiro**
Go on. Give it a taste.
**[00:08] Nagumo**
Mm. S'good.
***SIGN*** Man with
Dead Taste Buds
**[00:10] Mashiro**
Huh?!
**[00:11] Mashiro**
Excuse me? I worked hard to make that!
Do you *have* to sound so unimpressed?
**[00:18] Nagumo**
Look, Mashiro.
To me, the thing about cooking is...
**[00:22] Nagumo**
As long as it's salty and
goes good with rice, I'll eat it.
**[00:27] Mashiro**
My efforts are wasted on you.
**[00:29] Mashiro**
I guess my cooking is too grown-up
for a child's tastes.
**[00:32] Nagumo**
Hey!
**[00:33] Nagumo**
I have a very discerning palate, okay?
**[00:35] Mashiro**
Liar. I bet you can't even
tell booze from diesel fuel.
**[00:39] Nagumo**
That's going too far.
**[00:41] Nagumo**
Even I have a favorite bar
I go to all the time.
**[00:44] Mashiro**
Yeah? So take me there, then.
**[00:46] Nagumo**
Sure, anytime.
**[00:49] Nagumo**
Just be ready, Mashiro.
**[00:51] Nagumo**
You're gonna see me at that bar and learn...
**[00:55] Nagumo**
the charm of adulthood.
**[00:57] Mashiro INT**
* Should you really be saying that*
* while eating a baby castella cake?*
***SIGN*** Detectives
These Days
Are Crazy!
***SIGN*** Welcome to the World of Grown-Ups
***SIGN*** Welcome to the World of Grown-Ups
**[02:34] Mashiro**
Tonto?
**[02:35] Nagumo**
It's an old bar I go to all the time.
**[02:38] Nagumo**
Just so you know,
a lot of legit adults go there.
**[02:42] Nagumo**
Try not to let the mood swallow you.
**[02:43] Mashiro**
No problem there. I bet you only go...
***SIGN*** Daytime Drinks
***SIGN*** Daytime Drinks
***SIGN*** Deal!
***SIGN*** Yen
***SIGN*** Yen
***SIGN*** Draft Beer
***SIGN*** Draft Beer
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 98 10 100 118 1 100
***SIGN*** M-size mug
**[02:47] Mashiro**
...to places like this, anyway.
**[02:49] Nagumo**
I mean, I go to those sometimes, too, but...
**[02:53] Nagumo**
This is Tonto.
**[02:54] Nagumo**
Wow. It looks so refined.
**[02:57] Nagumo**
The barkeep's really particular about style.
**[03:00] Nagumo**
If he sees anyone lacking in it,
he passes out, so be mindful of that.
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 0 0 l 23 0 b 24 0 24 1 24 1 l 24 14 b 24 15 23 15 23 15 l -21 15 b -21 15 -22 15 -22 14 l -22 1 b -22 1 -22 1 -22 1 b -22 1 -22 0 -21 0 l -21 0 b -21 0 -21 0 -21 0 b -21 0 -21 0 -21 0
***SIGN*** m 50 0 b 100 0 100 100 50 100 b 0 100 0 0 50 0
***SIGN*** What's Grown-up About Tonto? 1
The barkeep is pathologically stylish
**[03:15] Mashiro INT**
*Wow, the barkeep looks refined, too!*
**[03:19] Bronto**
Well, now.
**[03:21] Bronto**
Ain't this a surprise?
***SIGN*** Ain't this a surprise?
**[03:23] Bronto**
Looks like a cute little puppy
has wandered into this bar.
***SIGN*** What's a cute little puppy doing here?
**[03:27] Bronto**
That your pup, Naddy?
***SIGN*** That your pup, Naddy?
**[03:30] Nagumo**
Don't be stupid, Bronto. She's my assistant.
***SIGN*** No. Just my assistant.
**[03:33] Mashiro INT**
*Wait, who's Naddy?*
**[03:35] Mashiro INT**
*And who's Bronto?*
**[03:36] Bronto**
Your assistant, Naddy?
**[03:39] Bronto**
That's a real laugh.
**[03:41] Bronto**
Want some milk or something, little lady?
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 0 0 l 23 0 b 24 0 24 1 24 1 l 24 14 b 24 15 23 15 23 15 l -21 15 b -21 15 -22 15 -22 14 l -22 1 b -22 1 -22 1 -22 1 b -22 1 -22 0 -21 0 l -21 0 b -21 0 -21 0 -21 0 b -21 0 -21 0 -21 0
***SIGN*** m 50 0 b 100 0 100 100 50 100 b 0 100 0 0 50 0
***SIGN*** What's Grown-up About Tonto? 2
They all use nicknames
**[03:45] Mashiro INT**
*What kind of weird atmosphere is this?*
**[03:47] Barkeep**
What will it be?
**[03:49] Mashiro**
I'll have a drinkable yogurt.
**[03:51] Nagumo**
Barkeep!
**[03:53] Mashiro**
Huh? What just happened?!
**[03:55] Nagumo**
I warned you earlier.
**[03:56] Nagumo**
He passes out when he sees
anyone who's not stylish.
**[04:00] Nagumo**
Who orders drinkable yogurt in a bar?
**[04:03] Mashiro**
Huh? Oh, um, I'm so sorry.
**[04:06] Barkeep**
It's fine.
**[04:07] Mashiro**
Okay, then, barley tea.
**[04:09] Nagumo**
Barkeep!
**[04:12] Bronto**
Well, well, Naddy. Ain't this a laugh?
***SIGN*** Well, well, Naddy. Ain't this a laugh?
**[04:16] Bronto**
Why don't you quit being a detective
and start a comedy duo with the puppy?
***SIGN*** Why don't you two try becoming comedians?
**[04:19] Mashiro INT**
*I can't help it. I'm a minor.*
**[04:22] Nagumo**
Cut it out, Bronto. That ain't happening.
***SIGN*** Don't tease us like that, Bronto.
**[04:25] Bronto**
Anyway, I'm just glad you seem well.
***SIGN*** Anyway, you seem well, Naddy.
**[04:28] Bronto**
It's on me today.
***SIGN*** Have one on me.
**[04:30] Mashiro INT**
*Ooh! I've seen people do this on TV!*
**[04:32] Nagumo**
Must be rain in store tomorrow.
***SIGN*** I guess it's going to rain tomorrow.
**[04:38] Mashiro INT**
*Th-This is...*
**[04:40] Bronto**
Hey now, Naddy. I wasn't trying to buy
the Earth itself a round of scotch.
***SIGN*** Hey now. I wasn't trying to buy the Earth itself a drink.
**[04:45] Nagumo**
There was a nice breeze today.
I wanted to show my gratitude. Y'know?
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 0 0 l 23 0 b 24 0 24 1 24 1 l 24 14 b 24 15 23 15 23 15 l -21 15 b -21 15 -22 15 -22 14 l -22 1 b -22 1 -22 1 -22 1 b -22 1 -22 0 -21 0 l -21 0 b -21 0 -21 0 -21 0 b -21 0 -21 0 -21 0
***SIGN*** m 50 0 b 100 0 100 100 50 100 b 0 100 0 0 50 0
***SIGN*** What's Grown-up About Tonto? 3
They all cover up each other's mistakes
**[04:51] Mashiro INT**
* They just glossed over it*
* with some stylish lines!*
**[04:54] Mashiro INT**
*But the barkeep...*
**[04:56] Mashiro INT**
*is in super high spirits!*
**[04:58] Mashiro INT**
*So this is the world of grown-ups?*
**[05:00] Mashiro INT**
* I'm not sure why, but I feel like*
* I'm gonna get sucked in.*
**[05:03] Mashiro INT**
*Okay! Gotta try to look more grown-up.*
**[05:08] Veronica**
Oh?
***SIGN*** Oh?
**[05:09] Veronica**
What an unusual customer.
***SIGN*** What an unusual customer...
**[05:13] Nagumo**
Veronica.
***SIGN*** Veronica.
**[05:14] Mashiro**
What country are these people from, anyway?
**[05:16] Nagumo**
Veronica's from Gunma.
**[05:18] Mashiro**
Gunma?!
***SIGN*** Gunma
Prefecture
**[05:19] Nagumo**
The barkeep and Bronto are
both from Tomioka in Gunma.
**[05:23] Mashiro**
Tomioka?!
***SIGN*** Tomioka
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 0 0 l 23 0 b 24 0 24 1 24 1 l 24 14 b 24 15 23 15 23 15 l -21 15 b -21 15 -22 15 -22 14 l -22 1 b -22 1 -22 1 -22 1 b -22 1 -22 0 -21 0 l -21 0 b -21 0 -21 0 -21 0 b -21 0 -21 0 -21 0
***SIGN*** m 50 0 b 100 0 100 100 50 100 b 0 100 0 0 50 0
***SIGN*** What's Grown-up About Tonto? 4
Almost everyone's from Gunma
**[05:24] Veronica**
You know, Naddy,
you're like a migratory bird.
***SIGN*** You know, Naddy, you're like a migratory bird.
**[05:28] Veronica**
By the time I've seen you,
it's already too late.
***SIGN*** You're so quick to just up and disappear.
**[05:31] Veronica**
You're already preparing to fly away.
**[05:34] Nagumo**
Veronica, have you been drinking
elsewhere? I smell alcohol on you.
***SIGN*** You been drinking elsewhere? I smell alcohol on you.
**[05:39] Mashiro INT**
*Wow, that seems super grown-up.*
**[05:42] Mashiro INT**
*I have no clue what they're saying, though.*
**[05:44] Veronica**
Oh? Who's the girl?
**[05:46] Nagumo**
My assistant, Mashiro. Don't pick on her.
**[05:51] Mashiro**
Ah, um...
**[05:54] Veronica**
Come back when you're out
of diapers, Pure White-chan.
**[05:58] Mashiro**
Wha—
**[05:59] Mashiro**
Don't treat me like a child!
**[06:01] Mashiro**
I might not look it,
but I'm a full-fledged woman.
**[06:04] Veronica**
Naddy is such a bad man,
making a child like this get so serious.
***SIGN*** Naddy is such a bad man, making a child like this get so serious.
**[06:09] Bronto**
Ain't this a laugh?
***SIGN*** Ain't this a laugh?
**[06:11] Mashiro**
That's all you've said this whole time!
**[06:15] Nagumo**
By the way, barkeep, you said you
had something to talk to me about?
**[06:18] Barkeep**
Yes.
**[06:20] Barkeep**
You see, for the past six months,
graffiti has been appearing on my bar.
**[06:25] Nagumo**
Graffiti?
**[06:26] Barkeep**
I clean it up, but it just comes back.
It's a game of cat and mouse.
**[06:29] Barkeep**
I don't know what to do.
**[06:32] Nagumo**
Barkeep.
**[06:34] Nagumo**
Are you asking me to do a job for you?
***SIGN*** Is that a job request?
**[06:37] Barkeep**
Yes. I will pay you, of course.
**[06:37] Barkeep**
Yes. I will pay you.
**[06:41] Nagumo**
Sorry, barkeep.
I don't accept jobs on my days off.
**[06:46] Mashiro**
Old dude, he's really troubled by this.
**[06:49] Nagumo**
So I won't treat it as a job.
**[06:52] Nagumo**
I'll treat it as a favor for a friend.
**[06:56] Nagumo**
And of course, I don't need to be paid
to do an old friend a favor.
**[07:00] Barkeep**
In that case, you needn't worry
about your tab today.
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 0 0 l 23 0 b 24 0 24 1 24 1 l 24 14 b 24 15 23 15 23 15 l -21 15 b -21 15 -22 15 -22 14 l -22 1 b -22 1 -22 1 -22 1 b -22 1 -22 0 -21 0 l -21 0 b -21 0 -21 0 -21 0 b -21 0 -21 0 -21 0
***SIGN*** m 50 0 b 100 0 100 100 50 100 b 0 100 0 0 50 0
***SIGN*** What's Grown-up About Tonto? 5
Favors for friends are free
**[07:04] Mashiro INT**
*So this is why you never have any money.*
**[07:07] Mashiro**
But anyone could be making those scribbles.
**[07:11] Mashiro**
It's going to be tough
to figure out who's doing it.
**[07:13] Nagumo**
Nope. I already know.
**[07:15] Mashiro**
What? Already?
**[07:17] Nagumo**
There should be some graffiti on the door.
**[07:19] Nagumo**
Go take a look, Pure White.
**[07:21] Mashiro**
Don't call me that!
**[07:26] Mashiro**
There is! When did that happen?
**[07:28] Veronica**
I'll go look around outside.
**[07:30] Veronica**
The offender may still be somewhere nearby.
**[07:33] Nagumo**
There's no need.
**[07:35] Veronica**
Why not?
**[07:36] Nagumo**
Because, Veronica, you're the one
who made that scribble.
**[07:42] Veronica**
I don't know where you've been all this time,
but I think you left your sense of humor there.
**[07:47] Nagumo**
I smelled alcohol on you earlier,
**[07:50] Nagumo**
but it definitely wasn't the boozy kind.
**[07:54] Nagumo**
It was the smell of spray paint.
**[07:57] Veronica**
The smell stuck to me when I opened the door.
**[08:00] Nagumo**
Then, you would've mentioned
the scribble when you came in.
**[08:05] Nagumo**
And assuming your
fashion sense hasn't changed,
**[08:09] Nagumo**
that mark on the bottom of your skirt...
**[08:11] Nagumo**
That's dried paint, isn't it?
**[08:16] Nagumo**
Tell me, Veronica.
**[08:17] Nagumo**
Why would you do this?
**[08:20] Veronica**
You want me to say it out loud?
**[08:23] Barkeep**
Could it be...
**[08:25] Barkeep**
you were waiting for me
to ask Naddy-san to investigate?
**[08:31] Barkeep**
Because he hasn't been
coming here as often recently.
**[08:34] Barkeep**
You thought that if you vandalized
the bar, you'd see him again.
**[08:40] Veronica**
Well done, great detectives.
**[08:45] Nagumo**
Where are you going?
**[08:46] Veronica**
Don't know.
But I can't stay here any longer.
**[08:49] Veronica**
Sorry for soiling your bar, barkeep.
**[08:52] Barkeep**
Wait a moment.
**[08:55] Barkeep**
You haven't ordered a drink yet.
**[09:01] Veronica**
Guys...
***SIGN*** Really.
**[09:03] Veronica**
Really, you're all so unfair.
***SIGN*** You men are so unfair.
**[09:06] Three**
Today, we drink to Pure White.
**[09:10] Mashiro**
Wait, why to *me*?!
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 0 0 l 23 0 b 24 0 24 1 24 1 l 24 14 b 24 15 23 15 23 15 l -21 15 b -21 15 -22 15 -22 14 l -22 1 b -22 1 -22 1 -22 1 b -22 1 -22 0 -21 0 l -21 0 b -21 0 -21 0 -21 0 b -21 0 -21 0 -21 0
***SIGN*** m 50 0 b 100 0 100 100 50 100 b 0 100 0 0 50 0
***SIGN*** What's Grown-up About Tonto? 6
Magnanimous
**[09:15] Nagumo**
So how'd you find the world of grown-ups?
**[09:17] Mashiro**
Hmm. It felt kind of uncomfortable.
**[09:20] Nagumo**
That's just how bars are.
**[09:22] Mashiro**
Uh, I don't think so.
**[09:25] Mashiro**
But I guess...
**[09:27] Mashiro**
I can admit that you looked
more grown-up than usual in there.
**[09:33] Nagumo**
I hope you and I can drink there
together when you hit twenty.
**[09:39] Mashiro**
Old dude.
**[09:41] Mashiro**
Anywhere but there.
**[09:42] Nagumo**
Why?!
**[09:43] Mashiro**
That whole act you guys
kept up was annoying.
**[09:51] Asunaro**
This is the address the client gave us.
***SIGN*** Investigation Request
For Nagumo Detective Agency
**[09:55] Nagumo INT**
* We received a mysterious request*
* to do an investigation.*
**[09:59] Nagumo INT**
* They offered one million yen,*
* with an up-front payment of 200k.*
**[10:02] Nagumo INT**
* However, the sender and details*
* of the investigation were unknown.*
**[10:06] Nagumo INT**
* There was a chance it could*
* be some kind of trap, but...*
**[10:09] (Flashback) Mashiro FB**
Danger and mystery walk side by side!
**[10:11] (Flashback) Mashiro FB**
As detectives, we should dive in
in pursuit of mystery!
**[10:14] (Flashback) Asunaro FB**
I agree with you!
**[10:19] (Flashback) Nagumo FB**
I'm in, too.
**[10:20] (Flashback) Nagumo FB**
It smells like a big, fat, juicy mystery to me.
**[10:25] (Flashback) Nagumo FB**
And the advance payment
made me absolutely giddy.
**[10:27] (Flashback) Maki FB**
Well, at least there's that.
**[10:30] Nagumo**
Okay, we're going in. Keep your guard up.
**[10:33] Mashiro**
Don't you worry! Mashiro here
is fully and completely prepared!
**[10:37] Nagumo**
You're standing on a pile of shit
the size of a sandbag!
***SIGN*** A Midsummer
Thriller
***SIGN*** A Midsummer
Thriller
***SIGN*** A Midsummer
Thriller
**[10:48] Maki**
It smells of mold.
**[10:50] Nagumo**
What is this room?
**[10:52] Asunaro**
Mashiro-san, leave the
door open just in case—
**[10:58] Asunaro**
What in the world are you *thinking*?!
**[11:01] Asunaro**
See? Now it won't open!
**[11:02] Mashiro**
Well, if you open a door,
you should close it!
**[11:05] Asunaro**
You leave it open in a situation
like this! That's common sense!
**[11:08] Mashiro**
"C-Common sense is the collection of
prejudices acquired by age eighteen"—Einstein.
**[11:14] Asunaro**
You're so panicked,
you can't do the face right!
**[11:17] Maki**
There's no phone signal in here.
**[11:19] Nagumo**
Because the concrete's so thick, I guess.
**[11:22] Nagumo**
Even Mashiro can't break through this.
**[11:25] Shadow**
* Greetings, all of you.*
* I had faith you would come.*
**[11:30] Nagumo**
Who are you?
**[11:33] Shadow**
*I have no name. Call me what you will.*
**[11:36] Mashiro**
Okay, "Guy Who Brushes
His Teeth with His Nails."
**[11:38] X**
*Fine, sorry. Call me "Mister X."*
**[11:41] X**
* I have but one objective:*
* to take revenge on you detectives!*
**[11:46] Nagumo**
Revenge?
**[11:47] X**
* I had a very bitter experience*
* with detectives.*
**[11:50] X**
* But you don't need to worry. I won't keep*
* you here until you die or anything.*
**[11:55] Mashiro**
So let us out right now, then.
**[11:57] X**
*I want to defeat you in a game.*
**[12:00] X**
* I want to see you lose and*
* crawl around on the ground in disgrace.*
**[12:05] Nagumo**
That's one hell of a personality
you've got there, Mr. Nail Toothbrusher.
**[12:09] X**
* Seriously, don't call me that.*
* You're being even more casual about it now.*
**[12:14] Asunaro**
So? What kind of game is it?
**[12:16] X**
* Simple. You will compete*
* against me in a quiz.*
**[12:20] X**
* If you can answer even one of*
* my five questions correctly, you win.*
**[12:25] X**
* But for each one you answer incorrectly,*
* I will show an embarrassing photo of you.*
**[12:30] X**
* If you get all five wrong, I'll spread very*
* compromising photos all over the Internet.*
**[12:34] Maki**
This is ridiculous. Do you really think
we'll play along with such a childish game?
**[12:39] X**
*I'll start by giving you a little sample.*
**[12:42] Mashiro**
Ooh! It's Maki-chan in her HS days!
**[12:45] Maki**
I accept! I accept your challenge, okay?
**[12:48] Maki**
Just delete that right now!
**[12:50] X**
* Then, in response to your fervent*
* demands, here's question one.*
**[12:54] X**
* Here we have three people,*
* whom we shall call A, B, and C.*
**[12:58] X**
*Their ages multiplied together equal thirty.*
***SIGN*** years
***SIGN*** years
***SIGN*** years
***SIGN*** years
***SIGN*** Holding
Booze
**[13:02] X**
*How old is B?*
**[13:04] Mashiro**
Huh? How are we supposed to figure that out?
**[13:08] Maki**
That's simple. The answer is—
**[13:09] X**
* Now, now. I never said you could*
* just answer whenever you wanted.*
**[13:15] X**
* You only get one chance*
* to answer each question,*
**[13:17] X**
* and the one to answer this one*
* will be... Mashiro-kun.*
**[13:21] Nagumo**
Why's it gotta be Mashiro?
**[13:22] X**
*Because she seems the dumbest.*
**[13:25] Mashiro**
Who are ya callin' dumb?!
**[13:27] X**
* What is it with your*
* unparalleled desire to please?*
**[13:30] Mashiro**
The total's thirty, so it's, uh,
three times... um, uh...
**[13:37] X**
*What's wrong? Got nothing?*
**[13:41] Mashiro INT**
*More like...*
**[13:43] Mashiro INT**
* Thanks to that barley tea I guzzled*
* this morning, I've got more than nothing.*
**[13:47] Mashiro INT**
*I've got a bladder that's about to explode.*
**[13:49] X**
*Well, Mashiro-kun? What's your answer?*
**[13:52] Mashiro**
Um, uh... Ten!
**[13:54] X**
*Wrong. The answer is one.*
**[13:57] Mashiro**
Damn it!
**[13:58] X**
*Okay, here's the second photo.*
**[14:00] Maki**
Why are they all *me*?!
**[14:03] X**
Now, your next question is...
**[14:06] X**
Wrong. Here's the third photo.
**[14:10] X**
And the fourth photo.
**[14:13] X**
The fifth photo.
**[14:17] Nagumo**
They're both on the brink
for their own reasons.
**[14:21] Maki**
M-Mashiro-chan, I can't take any more.
**[14:25] Mashiro**
Same here. I'm sorry.
**[14:28] Maki**
Listen to me.
**[14:30] Maki**
I inspected this room's walls while
pretending to writhe around in agony.
**[14:35] Mashiro**
The walls?
**[14:36] Maki**
This is a room that blocks cell service,
**[14:38] Maki**
yet he's able to show us a real-time
video feed. It didn't make sense.
**[14:43] Maki**
While looking around, I noticed that wall
over there is thinner than the rest.
**[14:47] Maki**
He's probably behind that wall,
**[14:49] Maki**
and using a cable connection
to appear on the monitor.
**[14:52] Maki**
So, Mashiro-chan...
**[14:54] Mashiro**
Okay.
**[14:56] X**
All right. Here comes the last questi—
**[14:59] X**
Wait, I don't see Mashiro-kun.
**[15:08] X**
Why'd you open that with
such a "Hey, you guys open?" vibe?
**[15:15] Mashiro**
Maki-chan, the rest is up to you.
**[15:17] Mashiro**
Hey, Apple! Where's the nearest bathroom?
**[15:20] Apple**
*Twelve kilometers straight ahead.*
**[15:20] Maki**
I don't know who you are...
**[15:22] Mashiro**
Twelve kilometers?!
**[15:23] Maki**
but I assume you came into this
prepared to face the consequences.
**[15:27] Maki**
Come on now! Think about what you've done!
***SIGN*** And thus, Mashiro ran...
in search of the bathroom 12 km away...
**[15:30] X**
Forgive me!
***SIGN*** Nagumo Detective Agency
**[15:35] Mashiro**
Lookee! Lookee!
**[15:37] Mashiro**
I finally bought one.
**[15:39] Nagumo**
Oh, yeah, a Fam*c*m. I know what that is.
**[15:43] Mashiro**
Yep, you oldies just call any device
you haven't seen before a Fam*c*m.
**[15:47] Mashiro**
It's a wiretap detector.
**[15:49] Mashiro**
It buzzes when it detects
listening devices nearby.
**[15:52] Nagumo**
You and the weird toys you buy...
**[15:55] Mashiro**
It's not a toy. And it wasn't cheap.
**[15:57] Nagumo**
Oh, yeah? How much?
**[15:59] Mashiro**
120,000.
**[16:00] Nagumo**
That's like eight times what I expected!
**[16:02] Mashiro**
It's this year's latest model.
I worked hard to save up for it!
**[16:06] Nagumo**
Most HS girls would only say that
about stuff like purses or clothes.
**[16:11] Mashiro**
Let's test it out right away!
**[16:14] Nagumo**
You're not gonna find any here.
We're a detective agency.
**[16:17] Mashiro**
Click.
**[16:22] Mashiro**
There *is* one!
**[16:24] Mashiro**
Does this mean someone's been
listening to us this whole time?!
**[16:27] Nagumo**
Just calm down, Mashiro.
**[16:28] Mashiro**
The conversations... and the humming?
**[16:30] Mashiro**
Even that cassowary call
I've been practicing?!
**[16:33] Nagumo**
So you were the one making
that racket every morning!
**[16:36] Mashiro**
What do we do?! They're listening
right this minute, aren't they?
**[16:39] Nagumo**
Probably.
**[16:42] Mashiro**
I know. This is the time for...
***SIGN*** What
***SIGN*** do
***SIGN*** you
***SIGN*** want
**[16:47] Nagumo**
Why would you not want anyone hearing that?
***SIGN*** to
***SIGN*** eat
***SIGN*** to-
***SIGN*** day
***SIGN*** ?
***SIGN*** Mashiro
and the
Agent
from the
Stars
***SIGN*** Mashiro
and the
Agent
from the
Stars
**[16:53] Mashiro**
What the heck?
**[16:54] Mashiro**
I can't find any bugs at all.
**[16:57] Nagumo**
You'd better put all this stuff back.
**[16:59] Mashiro**
I found a disturbing number
of your porn mags, though.
**[17:02] Nagumo**
You didn't have to line them up
in alphabetical order!
**[17:06] Mashiro**
And I've been searching like crazy.
**[17:08] Nagumo**
Your detector's probably just broken.
**[17:11] Mashiro**
It's brand-new! It can't be—
**[17:16] Mashiro**
Wait, is it picking up something
on the floor below us?
**[17:21] Nagumo**
Maybe.
**[17:23] Nagumo**
Look, maybe we should call this off.
***SIGN*** Agent's Secret Base
**[17:28] Mashiro**
The hell?
**[17:29] Mashiro**
"Agent's secret base"?
**[17:31] Nagumo**
She still lives here, huh?
**[17:33] Mashiro**
Y'know, old dude, you should work on
getting to know the neighbors.
**[17:38] Nagumo**
Idiot! Don't touch that without thinking!
**[17:39] Mashiro**
Huh?
**[17:42] Mashiro**
What the hell?!
**[17:43] Nagumo**
I told you!
**[17:45] Mashiro**
Take this!
**[17:52] Azuha**
You government lapdogs
finally tracked me down, huh?
**[17:54] Azuha**
I knew you'd come to try
and steal my inventions one day.
**[17:58] Azuha**
But you messed with the wrong woman.
Just give up and—
**[18:03] Azuha**
Huh?
**[18:05] Azuha**
A girl? Who are you? CIA?
**[18:08] Nagumo**
Let her go. She's my assistant.
**[18:11] Azuha**
I know that voice. Mr. Nagumo!
**[18:13] Azuha**
Wait, no! What is this icky creature?!
**[18:17] Azuha**
Whew, my mistake.
**[18:19] Azuha**
That's a blunder no agent should ever make.
**[18:25] Azuha**
Mr. Nagumo, this is one fresh
young lady you've got here.
**[18:28] Nagumo**
Don't call her "fresh."
**[18:30] Nagumo**
What have you even been doing,
locked away in here?
**[18:33] Azuha**
Research upon research,
day after day, of course.
**[18:35] Mashiro**
Hey, old dude, who's this lady?
**[18:39] Nagumo**
Someone who keeps making weird junk
even though she never went to college—
**[18:43] Azuha**
I'll tell you, fresh young HS girl.
**[18:45] Azuha**
At times, a supermarket cashier.
**[18:47] Azuha**
At times, a reliable hitter
for a sandlot baseball team.
**[18:50] Azuha**
At times, a supermarket cashier.
**[18:52] Nagumo**
You already said that!
**[18:54] Azuha**
But my true identity is...
**[18:57] Azuha**
I strike down evil with the power of science.
**[18:59] Azuha**
A cute, hot jack-of-all-trades.
**[19:03] Azuha**
Someone once called me
the inventor queen of Shinjuku.
**[19:06] Azuha**
Science agent...
**[19:09] Azuha**
Hoshino Azuha!
**[19:11] Mashiro**
Y-You're so cool!
**[19:14] Nagumo**
This is why I didn't want
to introduce you to her.
**[19:17] Mashiro**
I'm so interested in agent work!
Do you think I could be one?
**[19:21] Azuha**
Fresh young HS girl,
have you seem all the *0°7* movies?
**[19:24] Mashiro**
Well, yes, for what it's worth.
**[19:26] Azuha**
Welcome to the world of agents.
**[19:28] Nagumo**
That was easy.
**[19:30] Azuha**
Anyway, what brings you two here to see me?
**[19:33] Nagumo**
So dismissive.
***SIGN*** There's a bug planted in this room
**[19:36] Azuha**
Really? So you're here to find it?
***SIGN*** We want to find not only the bug,
but the person who planted it
**[19:38] Azuha**
Uh-huh.
***SIGN*** So we're trying to come up
with a plan to find both
***SIGN*** Mashiro
**[19:46] Mashiro**
Oops! This is from when
I was practicing my autograph!
**[19:50] Nagumo**
So that's the deal. Got any good ideas?
**[19:54] Azuha**
I have just the invention for you!
**[19:57] Azuha**
My DP-02VK prototype!
**[20:02] Nagumo**
That name really doesn't
deserve a dramatic intro.
**[20:04] Nagumo**
What is it? A detector?
**[20:07] Azuha**
Non, non, non.
**[20:08] Azuha**
It'd be faster to catch
the culprit first, right?
**[20:12] Azuha**
Oh, you might want to cover your ears.
***SIGN*** Waaah
**[20:16] Azuha**
Man, that's loud!
**[20:18] Nagumo**
What the hell was that for?!
**[20:21] Azuha**
The culprit's gonna have the volume up
so they don't miss a thing, right?
**[20:26] Azuha**
So that should have done
a real number on their ears.
**[20:30] Azuha**
In other words, whoever's clutching
their ears in pain outside is our culprit!
**[20:33] Azuha**
That's such a stupid strategy,
I'm doubting my own ears.
**[20:36] Mashiro**
I get it.
**[20:37] Nagumo**
Don't agree with her.
They're not gonna conveniently be—
**[20:42] Delivery Boy**
My ears!
**[20:44] Nagumo INT**
*There* is *a guy clutching his ears in pain!*
**[20:48] Delivery Boy**
I'm sorry. I acted on impulse.
**[20:51] Delivery Boy**
Midway through delivering
all those pizzas here, I fell in love.
**[20:54] Mashiro**
If apologies were enough,
we wouldn't need cops!
**[20:56] Delivery Boy**
I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
**[20:58] Nagumo**
How'd that guy get into your place, though?
**[21:02] Azuha**
Well, I can't be bothered
to open the door,
**[21:04] Azuha**
so I always have him
bring the pizza over to me.
**[21:07] Nagumo**
You're debauched beyond
belief, you know that?
**[21:10] Nagumo**
Well, we're off to see the police.
**[21:13] Nagumo**
Make sure you lock up, all right?
**[21:17] Nagumo**
What?
**[21:20] Azuha**
You seem to be having more fun these days.
**[21:22] Azuha**
Because of her?
**[21:25] Nagumo**
I mean, I wouldn't say...
**[21:28] Nagumo**
Well, I never get bored, that's for sure.
**[21:31] Mashiro**
Old dude! Will you get up already?
**[21:35] Mashiro**
I told you to take out the trash.
**[21:37] Nagumo**
I can't eat any more.
**[21:40] Nagumo**
My liver enzymes
weren't so good last time.
**[21:43] Mashiro**
He's even stingy in his dreams.
**[21:45] Mashiro**
Look at you, lazing around like a pig.
You're in no place to criticize Azuha-san.
**[21:50] Mashiro**
Oh, right!
**[21:52] Mashiro**
Wakey-wakey, old dude!
**[22:01] Mashiro**
The hell?!
**[22:02] Mashiro**
Who are those guys?!
**[22:05] Mashiro NA**
* Forget wiretaps. We had actual thieves*
* lurking in here like termites.*
***SIGN*** Next Time
***SIGN*** Mashiro Hosts Girls' Night Out
***SIGN*** Assistant Switch!!
***SIGN*** Assistant Switch!!
***SIGN*** Battle to the Death at 100° Celsius
***SIGN*** Battle to the Death at 100° Celsius
# 6 - Mashiro Hosts Girls' Night Out / Assistant Switch!! / Battle to the Death at 100° Celsius
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/series/G79H23Z93/detectives-these-days-are-crazy)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** Special
***SIGN*** m 597.14 76.57 l 482.29 77.14 497.71 108 500 109 504.57 110 597.14 110
***SIGN*** m 597.14 76.57 l 494.69 77.14 499.71 108 500 109 504.57 110 597.14 110
***SIGN*** A Close Look at the Latest
Trend: the Girls' Night Out
***SIGN*** Share your innermost thoughts with the girls!
**[00:01] TV**
* These days, the girls' night out is*
* a crucial venue for women to let off steam.*
**[00:05] TV**
* More than 40% of women attend*
* such a gathering at least once per month.*
**[00:10] Mashiro**
Hey, old dude.
**[00:11] Mashiro**
I wanna do a—
**[00:12] Nagumo**
Don't bother. That ain't your style.
**[00:16] Mashiro**
What?! But why?!
**[00:18] Nagumo**
Those things are more for, you know...
cute, sweet girls.
**[00:23] Nagumo**
You're too rough. In more ways than one.
**[00:25] Mashiro**
Who're you calling a rough-around-the-edges,
musclebound bitch?!
**[00:29] Nagumo**
Your bloodlust is making the air explode.
**[00:31] Nagumo**
Also, I didn't say all that.
***SIGN*** Detectives
These Days
Are Crazy!
***SIGN*** Mashiro Hosts Girls' Night Out
**[02:17] Staff**
Welcome.
**[02:19] Maki**
I'm Kazamaki. I have a reservation.
**[02:21] Staff**
Right this way, please.
**[02:25] Maki INT**
* Mashiro-chan invited me here,*
* and I just sort of went with it.*
**[02:29] Maki INT**
*I've never been on a girls' night out before.*
**[02:32] Maki INT**
* She said someone named*
* Azuha-san was coming.*
**[02:34] Maki INT**
*I hope she's easy to talk to.*
**[02:41] Maki INT**
* Forget easy to talk to, I'm not sure*
* if this one even knows Japanese!*
**[02:45] Maki INT**
*Don't tell me* that's *Azuha-san.*
**[02:47] Maki INT**
*No, I can't be sure of that yet.*
**[02:50] Azuha**
Oh, hey! Are you Hana-san?
**[02:53] Maki INT**
*What made those things react to me?*
**[02:56] Azuha**
Nice to meet you. I'm Hoshino Azuha.
**[02:59] Azuha**
Sex: female.
**[03:01] Maki**
Um, h-hello.
**[03:03] Azuha**
Here. A little gesture
in hopes we'll grow close.
**[03:05] Maki INT**
*I don't want to get close to* that*.*
**[03:08] Maki**
I work as an assistant at
the Asunaro Detective Agency.
**[03:11] Maki**
My name is Kazamaki Hana.
**[03:13] Azuha**
Ooh, a business card!
**[03:15] Azuha**
Very grown-up. I like it.
**[03:17] Azuha**
Oh, I have one, too.
**[03:19] Azuha**
Nice to know ya.
***SIGN*** Hoshino Azuha
***SIGN*** Hoshino Azuha
***SIGN*** Hoshino Azuha
***SIGN*** Hoshino Azuha
***SIGN*** Hoshino Azuha
**[03:20] Maki INT**
*It's a palette swap of the first one.*
**[03:21] Maki INT**
*I-I can't deal with this lady by myself.*
**[03:26] Maki**
Anyway, um, Mashiro-chan sure is late.
**[03:29] Azuha**
Oh, that fresh, young HS girl? She contacted me
saying she'd be about five minutes late.
**[03:34] Azuha**
A kei truck picked a fight with her,
so she had to beat it up first.
**[03:37] Maki**
I see.
**[03:45] Maki INT**
*This is so awkward.*
**[03:46] Maki INT**
*What am I supposed to talk to her about?*
**[03:50] Maki**
U-Um, so, Hoshino-san...
where are you from?
**[03:55] Azuha**
My dad's testicles.
**[03:56] Maki INT**
*Mashiro-chan, please get here soon!*
**[03:59] Mashiro**
Sorry I'm late!
**[04:00] Maki**
Mashiro-chan!
**[04:02] Mashiro**
Man, that kei truck really pissed me off.
**[04:05] Maki INT**
* She came in an outfit that's*
* totally not girls' night out wear.*
**[04:09] Azuha**
Ooh! Feels like a girls' night out.
**[04:12] Staff**
Your beef bowl to the max
with a lethal dose of pickled ginger.
**[04:14] Mashiro**
Yay! It's here!
**[04:16] Maki INT**
* One of us looks like someone*
* heading home after team practice.*
**[04:20] Mashiro**
Girls' night out time! Let's dig in.
**[04:24] Azuha**
Wow, you sure can wolf it down.
**[04:26] Maki INT**
* Girls' night out?*
* Is this really a girls' night out?*
**[04:29] Mashiro**
So let's talk girls' night out topics.
**[04:32] Mashiro**
Maki-chan, you're up.
**[04:34] Maki**
What? Me?
**[04:36] Maki**
Well, let me see...
**[04:38] Maki**
I think, um, it's probably standard
to talk about relationships and such.
**[04:42] Maki**
Do either of you have a boyfriend?
**[04:44] Azuha/Mashiro**
Nope.
**[04:46] Maki INT**
*Oof. This isn't going well.*
**[04:48] Mashiro**
Do you have one, Maki-chan?
**[04:50] Maki**
Huh?! N-No, I don't have one, either.
**[04:54] Mashiro**
Aw, really? I thought you and Asunaro were—
**[04:56] Maki**
Five billion percent not happening.
**[04:58] Mashiro**
You were pretty quick to deny it.
**[05:00] Maki**
I would sooner die than date Master.
**[05:02] Maki**
I'd be more likely to date
a human-shaped slime mold.
**[05:06] Mashiro**
Huh, is that so?
**[05:10] Maki**
Wh-What about you, then?
How do you feel about Nagumo-sensei?
**[05:15] Mashiro**
I-I don't really... The old dude is just...
**[05:19] (Flashback) Nagumo**
Huh? Something stinks?
Sorry, it's probably my feet.
**[05:22] (Flashback) Nagumo**
Save me, Mashiro!
**[05:26] Mashiro**
He's just someone I need to take care of.
**[05:28] Azuha**
He's pretty old, after all.
**[05:31] Maki**
I think he's still rather young, personally.
**[05:33] Mashiro**
What sort of guy is your type, Azuha-san?
**[05:36] Azuha**
Who, me?
**[05:37] Azuha**
Well, I guess...
**[05:39] Azuha**
Someone smart,
who's always giving me advice,
**[05:42] Azuha**
and who's always sticking close to me...
**[05:45] Mashiro**
Wow, surprisingly romantic!
**[05:48] Azuha**
...and who's just a brain.
**[05:50] Maki**
*Just* a brain?
**[05:51] Mashiro**
Azuha-san, that's not fair.
Your answer's pure fantasy!
**[05:54] Azuha**
Is it?
**[05:55] Mashiro**
If that's allowed,
then I wanna date the sun god, Ra.
**[05:59] Maki**
We're getting nowhere.
Let's stop talking about this for now.
**[06:02] Azuha**
That really felt like
girls' night out stuff, though.
**[06:06] Mashiro**
Yeah, it did.
**[06:07] Maki**
Well, if you ignore what you actually *said*.
**[06:09] Mashiro**
By the way, I guess the dudes are
having a boys' night out at an izakaya.
***SIGN*** The Masses Izakaya
**[06:15] Nezu**
Yo, round glasses.
**[06:17] Nezu**
Sure was nice of you to pin me as a stalker.
**[06:21] Asunaro**
Well, it is true that
you were stalking someone.
**[06:24] Asunaro**
I was not wrong in the slightest.
**[06:26] Nagumo**
Damn it, the writing on everything is so tiny.
**[06:30] Nagumo**
Where's the damn sake?
**[06:32] Mashiro**
I hope they're getting along okay.
**[06:35] Maki**
I think I want something alcoholic, too.
**[06:38] Maki**
Excuse me. A mojito, please.
**[06:42] Mashiro**
I've been this wondering for a while, but...
just how old are you, anyway?
**[06:46] Maki**
Huh? Wh-What does it matter how old I am?
**[06:55] Nezu**
Yo, round glasses.
**[06:56] Asunaro**
Yes?
**[06:58] Nezu**
What kinda button man squeezes a lemon
over their fried chicken in this day and age?
**[07:03] Asunaro**
What's the problem with using
what the restaurant served me?
**[07:06] Asunaro**
In fact, I'd say it's wrong *not* to use it.
**[07:09] Nezu**
What was that, you pedantic four-eyes?
**[07:11] Nagumo**
Would you stop? You're embarrassing.
**[07:14] Nezu**
But this weirdo squeezed a lemon over the—
**[07:16] Asunaro**
Enough of your false accusations!
**[07:18] Nagumo**
Listen to me, kiddos.
**[07:20] Nagumo**
There are an infinite number
of ways to eat food.
**[07:22] Nagumo**
You may have your preferences,
but there's no right or wrong way to eat.
**[07:27] Nagumo**
Just eat the way you like to.
**[07:30] Nagumo**
There's enough conflict in this world.
**[07:32] Nagumo**
We should at least get along
while we're eating together.
**[07:35] Nezu**
Boss.
**[07:37] Asunaro**
Sensei.
**[07:38] Nezu**
I'm so sorry!
**[07:40] Asunaro**
While we're at it,
which do you prefer, Sensei?
**[07:42] Nagumo**
Well, as for me...
**[07:46] Nagumo**
Forget the lemon. I can't even
handle the grease on fried chicken.
**[07:50] Nezu**
Boss.
**[07:51] Asunaro**
Sensei.
**[07:53] Mashiro**
Whew, we sure ate a lot.
**[07:55] Azuha**
We sure did. And...
**[07:59] Mashiro**
Maki-chan's pretty plastered.
**[08:02] Maki**
I am not plastered.
**[08:04] Maki**
There's no li'l adhesive bandages on me at all.
**[08:07] Mashiro**
It sure is easy to tell when you're drunk.
**[08:10] Azuha**
I bet she'd answer any question
we asked her now.
**[08:12] Mashiro**
Oh, yeah! She might even tell us how old she is!
**[08:15] Mashiro**
Kazamaki-san, Kazamaki-san!
**[08:17] Mashiro**
Please tell us how old you are.
**[08:21] Maki**
I am twenty-mrmmff years old.
**[08:25] Mashiro**
Those are strong defenses!
**[08:27] Azuha**
She's blocking the question
on a deep psychological level.
**[08:30] Mashiro**
Let's ask more stuff
and whittle down her defenses.
**[08:32] Azuha**
Right.
**[08:33] Mashiro**
What's your favorite food?
**[08:34] Maki**
Sushi.
**[08:35] Azuha**
How old are you?
**[08:37] Maki**
Twenty-mrmmff.
**[08:38] Mashiro**
What do you do on your days off?
**[08:40] Maki**
Arts and crafts.
**[08:41] Azuha**
How old are you?
**[08:43] Maki**
Twenty-mrmmff.
**[08:44] Mashiro**
What's your motto for life?
**[08:45] Maki**
"Veggies first."
**[08:47] Azuha**
How old are you?
**[08:48] Maki**
Twenty-mrmmff.
**[08:49] Mashiro**
Damn it! That wall's impregnable!
**[08:51] Mashiro**
Oh, I know!
**[08:53] Mashiro**
Kazamaki-san, Kazamaki-san!
**[08:56] Mashiro**
How do you really feel about Asunaro?
**[09:02] Maki**
Master is...
**[09:05] Maki**
brimming with pride and
very distrustful, but oh so dumb.
**[09:09] Maki**
And it's always Nagumo-sensei this,
Nagumo-sensei that.
**[09:12] Maki**
He's just exhausting to be around.
**[09:15] Mashiro**
Asunaro would probably keel over
if he heard all this.
**[09:19] Maki**
But...
**[09:20] Maki**
Of all the detectives I've met,
he's the... he's the most brilliant.
**[09:27] Maki**
That's why I stay with him.
**[09:31] Azuha**
What's this? The soft side is coming out!
**[09:34] Mashiro**
Kazamaki-san, Kazamaki-san!
**[09:36] Mashiro**
Tell us a secret you have.
**[09:39] Maki**
I like ponchos.
**[09:42] Mashiro**
What the heck?
**[09:43] Maki**
Because they cover up my body shape.
**[09:47] Mashiro**
Why would you want to? You're not even fat.
**[09:49] Maki**
I'm self-conscious
about my small breasts,
**[09:53] Maki**
so I like ponchos that cover me up.
**[09:59] Mashiro**
Aw, Maki-chan, you can be so cute!
**[10:03] Azuha**
Let's hear it again!
Why do you wear ponchos?
**[10:06] Maki**
I *told* you. 'Cause my breasts are so small!
***SIGN*** Nagumo Detective Agency
**[10:12] Maki**
M-M-M-M-Mashiro-san!
**[10:14] Maki**
I didn't do anything
embarrassing last night, did I?!
**[10:20] Mashiro**
Gee, I don't know.
**[10:22] Maki**
What? No way! Wait, please!
**[10:24] Azuha**
Oh, Hana-san.
**[10:26] Azuha**
I've got some stuff that'll make
your boobs bigger. Want it?
**[10:30] Maki**
D-D-D-D-D-D-Don't tell me...
***SIGN*** Nagumo Detective Agency
**[10:41] Nagumo**
Damn it, Mashiro! I know you did this!
**[10:45] Nagumo**
Don't feign innocence by whistling!
**[10:47] Nagumo**
Hey, nice tune. Wait, does the
sound quality need to be this good?
**[10:50] Mashiro**
Sorry, old dude. I thought I'd clean
the office, and this is what—Ah.
**[10:55] Nagumo**
You're breaking everything you touch!
**[10:58] Mashiro**
Boy, human-made things
are so easily broken, huh?
**[11:02] Nagumo**
Are you some demon who's obtained too much
strength to exist in the human world?
**[11:07] Mashiro**
There's no need to go that far.
**[11:09] Mashiro**
Everyone makes mistakes, you know.
**[11:11] Nagumo**
I bet Maki-san would never do this.
**[11:15] Mashiro**
That's the one thing you should
never say to your partner!
**[11:18] Mashiro**
If that's how you feel, why don't you
make Maki-chan your partner?!
**[11:21] Nagumo**
H-Hey!
**[11:22] Mashiro**
Miser! You're useless! Your feet stink!
You cheat on your taxes!
**[11:25] Mashiro**
You're shallow! Pedo! Bet you've got
fifteen illegitimate kids! Illegal alien!
**[11:29] Nagumo**
Don't mix truths and lies together
to make your insults sound catchy.
**[11:32] Mashiro**
I hope all your joints dislocate!
**[11:37] Nagumo**
What am I, a child? That was shameful.
**[11:40] Nagumo**
Well, I'm sure she'll cool down
by tomorrow. I'll apologize then.
**[11:44] Mashiro**
I hope a goat eats your insurance card!
**[11:46] Nagumo**
You're still there?
***SIGN*** Assistant Switch!!
***SIGN*** Assistant Switch!!
**[11:53] Maki**
I'll be your partner as of today.
I'm Kazamaki Hana.
**[11:56] Nagumo INT**
*What?*
**[11:58] Mashiro**
Hey! It's me, Mashiro! Glad to be
workin' with ya, round glasses!
**[12:01] Asunaro INT**
*What?!*
**[12:03] Nagumo**
I see. That's what Mashiro said, huh?
**[12:06] Maki**
She came to me crying and saying she wanted
to try being someone else's assistant.
**[12:10] Maki**
I'm sorry to ask, but would you mind
indulging Mashiro-chan this time?
**[12:14] Nagumo**
Nah, I'm the one who should be apologizing.
**[12:16] Nagumo**
Sorry you have to put up
with her selfish whims.
**[12:19] Maki**
Please don't worry about it.
**[12:20] Maki**
I consider it a great honor
to be working for you.
**[12:25] Nagumo INT**
*So this is what human warmth feels like.*
**[12:28] Maki**
Is that a tear?
**[12:29] Nagumo**
I guess I'll get right to
explaining today's job.
**[12:32] Maki**
I've already done my research on that.
**[12:34] Nagumo**
Huh? You have?
**[12:36] Maki**
The client is Kato Yoshiro,
a forty-four-year-old man.
**[12:39] Maki**
White-collar worker, married with kids,
lives in a stand-alone home.
**[12:43] Maki**
For the past few days, someone
has been burning his garbage and mail.
**[12:47] Maki**
Here is the data from interrogations
and witness reports from his neighbors.
**[12:53] Maki**
Let's start by visiting the client's home.
**[12:56] Maki**
Come, Nagumo-sensei.
**[12:58] Nagumo INT**
*Thirty thousand points for Maki-san.*
**[13:01] Maki**
Points?
**[13:03] Asunaro**
Honestly.
**[13:05] Asunaro**
Why do I have to team up with you?
**[13:08] Mashiro**
Oh, it's fine. So what's today's mission?
**[13:11] Asunaro**
I've received multiple reports of a suspicious,
nearly naked man prowling these parts.
**[13:18] Mashiro**
A suspicious man? Oh!
**[13:20] Mashiro**
That's this guy, isn't it?
**[13:22] Asunaro**
That's *me*!
**[13:23] Mashiro**
Well, when I thought "creepy guy,
goes through people's trash..."
**[13:26] Asunaro**
I do that as part of my investigations.
**[13:29] Asunaro**
Besides, this guy's in his thirties or forties.
**[13:32] Asunaro**
He's a muscular man with glasses
who wears swim trunks and a necktie.
**[13:36] Asunaro**
That description sounds nothing like me.
**[13:38] Mashiro**
Done.
***SIGN*** Kill me now...
**[13:39] Asunaro**
That's *me*!
**[13:40] Mashiro**
I'll start showing this around right away.
**[13:43] Mashiro**
Yes?
***SIGN*** Earl Grey
***SIGN*** Cinnamon
***SIGN*** Earl Grey
***SIGN*** Cinnamon
***SIGN*** Earl Grey
***SIGN*** Cinnamon
**[13:46] Nipple Tasting Man**
Left or right: lick whichever you like.
***SIGN*** Earl Grey
***SIGN*** Cinnamon
***SIGN*** Earl Grey
***SIGN*** Cinnamon
***SIGN*** Earl Grey
***SIGN*** Cinnamon
***SIGN*** Cinnamon
***SIGN*** Earl Grey
***SIGN*** Cinnamon
***SIGN*** Earl Grey
**[13:53] Mashiro**
P-Pervert!
**[13:54] Asunaro**
He must be the suspicious man.
**[13:56] Mashiro**
Wait, I think I actually know that guy!
**[13:59] Asunaro**
Really?
**[14:00] Mashiro**
There are some weird guys
in this town that everyone calls:
**[14:03] Mashiro**
the "Big Four of Creepy Old Dudes."
***SIGN*** Cross Chest
Hair Man
**[14:06] Mashiro**
There's Cross Chest Hair Man,
**[14:08] Mashiro**
Nipple Tasting Man,
***SIGN*** Nipple
Tasting Man
**[14:10] Mashiro**
Man Who Likes Ropes,
***SIGN*** Man Who
Likes Ropes
**[14:12] Mashiro**
and Warm-Dressing Shady Man.
**[14:14] Asunaro**
Wait, Nagumo-sensei's one of them?
***SIGN*** Warm-Dressing
Shady Man
**[14:17] Mashiro**
Anyway, I'll take care of catching Nipples here!
**[14:19] Asunaro**
Ooh, so dependable.
**[14:20] Mashiro**
Stop right there, you pervert!
**[14:23] Mashiro**
Gotcha! Piece of cake!
**[14:26] Mashiro**
Eek! He was all slimy!
**[14:29] Asunaro**
That pervert covered himself
in lube or something.
**[14:32] Asunaro**
That's disgusting.
**[14:33] Nipple Tasting Man**
No, not lube. Merely bodily fluids.
**[14:35] Asunaro**
That's even more disgusting!
**[14:37] Mashiro**
Ew. He's...
**[14:39] Mashiro**
running away like he's on a pommel horse.
**[14:40] Asunaro**
He'll get away at this rate.
**[14:42] Mashiro**
Then, I'll hit him with a paint ball.
**[14:45] Mashiro**
Dodge this if you think you can!
**[14:49] Mashiro**
Oops! Sorry!
**[14:51] Mashiro INT**
*Man, I'm so lame.*
**[14:53] Mashiro INT**
* It was my own fault,*
* but I snapped and bolted out like that.*
**[14:56] Mashiro INT**
*How could I be so useless?*
**[15:00] Maki**
I see.
**[15:01] Maki**
And the harassment has escalated recently?
**[15:05] ClientA**
Yes.
**[15:06] Nagumo**
We should probably move fast on this one.
**[15:09] Maki**
I agree. Our client is
at risk of harm at this rate.
**[15:14] Nagumo**
Whoever's doing this can't be too far away.
**[15:20] Nagumo**
A nearly naked man just slid by on his butt.
**[15:22] Mashiro**
Stop, you bastard!
**[15:24] Mashiro**
I'm gonna rip both of your nipples right off!
**[15:28] Nagumo**
Mashiro's... her usual self, I guess.
**[15:32] CriminalA**
Who said you could call a detective?
**[15:35] ClientA**
What's this about, Yamada?
**[15:37] ClientA**
Don't tell me all
that harassment was your doing!
**[15:40] CriminalA**
I know you've been
having an affair with my wife!
**[15:44] ClientA**
W-We just happened to get dinner together—
**[15:47] CriminalA**
I saw you leaving a hotel!
**[15:49] Maki**
Nagumo-sensei.
**[15:51] Nagumo**
Maki-san, stay behind me.
**[15:53] CriminalA**
Don't you move either, detective!
**[15:55] CriminalA**
One tiny little move, and I kill you!
**[15:58] Maki**
What do we do, Sensei?
**[16:00] Nagumo**
It's best to just stay still right now.
We don't want to provoke him needlessly.
**[16:05] Maki**
But if we don't do something...
**[16:06] Nagumo INT**
*There's only one way out of this.*
**[16:09] Nagumo INT**
*Damn it. Where'd you go...*
**[16:12] Nagumo INT**
*Mashiro?*
**[16:14] Mashiro**
You and your gross, slimy self!
**[16:17] Mashiro**
This ends now!
**[16:18] Mashiro**
Wash your nipples and come try again!
**[16:21] Nagumo INT**
* Why does she keep screaming*
* about his nipples?*
**[16:27] Nagumo**
Well, that sure was a thrilling day, huh?
**[16:30] Maki**
I'm sorry I couldn't be of any use.
**[16:32] Nagumo**
Aw, not at all.
**[16:34] Nagumo**
You were so competent,
it made me envy Asunaro-kun.
**[16:38] Nagumo**
But I guess most of the credit goes to her.
**[16:44] Maki**
You should go and bring her back quickly.
**[16:47] Nagumo**
Hey, Mashiro!
**[16:51] Nagumo**
Thanks for what you did earlier.
**[16:54] Mashiro**
It was pure coincidence, that's all.
**[16:56] Mashiro**
So how was Maki-chan as an assistant?
**[16:59] Nagumo**
Hm? Oh, she's super competent.
**[17:02] Nagumo**
There wasn't a single thing left for me to do.
**[17:05] Mashiro**
Oh, really?
**[17:06] Nagumo**
Which is why I was bored as hell.
**[17:10] Nagumo**
Sorry about everything.
Come back to the office.
**[17:16] Mashiro**
Old dude, I'm sorry.
**[17:19] Mashiro**
I actually kinda broke
the kitchen stove, too.
**[17:23] Nagumo**
What?
**[17:24] Nagumo**
That was you, too?!
***SIGN*** Bath
**[17:36] GuestA**
Man, I'm done.
**[17:37] GuestB**
Me, too. This sauna's way too hot.
**[17:40] GuestA**
I feel super relaxed, though.
**[17:43] GuestB**
For real.
**[17:45] Nagumo INT**
* Young men, the sauna is not*
* the easy hobby you think it is.*
**[17:52] Nagumo INT**
* It's a face-off with your very life.*
* A chicken race to the river Styx.*
**[17:57] Nagumo INT**
* A sauna isn't a place to relax.*
* It's a place to go mad.*
***SIGN*** Nagumo Keiichiro
***SIGN*** Hobby: Saunas
***SIGN*** Battle to the Death at 100° Celsius
***SIGN*** Battle to the Death at 100° Celsius
**[18:05] TV**
*Next up in the news...*
**[18:07] TV**
* Higashitani Daiki, a man arrested on*
* suspicion of serial eat-and-run offenses,*
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100
***SIGN*** The
Latest
***SIGN*** Mid-interrogation escape
***SIGN*** Whereabouts unknown
***SIGN*** Suspect: Higashitani Daiki
***SIGN*** BREAKING
***SIGN*** Shinjuku serial eat-and-run case
***SIGN*** Serial eat-and-run offender escapes in the middle of interrogation
**[18:11] TV**
* escaped in the middle of his interrogation.*
* His whereabouts are still unknown.*
**[18:17] Nagumo INT**
* Isn't that the eat-and-runner*
* Mashiro caught before?*
**[18:22] Nagumo INT**
* I'd like to go find him*
* for Mimasaka's sake, but...*
**[18:25] Nagumo INT**
*Sorry. I'm a slave to the sauna right now.*
**[18:29] Nagumo INT**
* It feels like I'm burning*
* all the way down to my lungs.*
**[18:33] Nagumo INT**
*I can't get enough.*
**[18:41] Nagumo INT**
* Wait, seriously? Who goes straight*
* to the sauna after escaping the cops?*
**[18:44] Nagumo INT**
*This guy's gone a little too mad!*
**[18:47] Nagumo INT**
*Relax. I'm sure he's just a lookalike.*
**[18:51] TV**
* The suspect can be identified by*
* a Guevara-esque dog tattoo on his back*
**[18:54] TV**
* that looks like it was*
* stamped on with an eraser.*
**[18:57] Nagumo INT**
*Nope, it's him.*
**[18:58] Nagumo INT**
*Aw, come on. Gimme a break.*
**[19:01] Nagumo INT**
*I'm trying to enjoy the sauna.*
**[19:03] Nagumo INT**
* Should I try to capture him? No, he's young,*
* and he looks pretty ripped to boot.*
**[19:07] Nagumo INT**
* If we end up grappling,*
* I'm gonna make a fool of myself.*
**[19:11] Nagumo INT**
* Not to mention, he loves saunas enough to*
* come to one right after breaking out of jail.*
**[19:15] Nagumo INT**
* Now I want to find out*
* which of us loves saunas more.*
**[19:20] Nagumo INT**
* The only way to catch him safely*
* while competing for top sauna lover...*
**[19:24] Nagumo INT**
*is by doing this.*
**[19:26] Nagumo**
Hey, bro.
**[19:30] Nagumo**
Mind if I go for a löyly?
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100
***SIGN*** Löyly
***SIGN*** Throwing water on heated stones to raise
the temperature in the room.
Always let others know before attempting.
**[19:36] Higashitani**
Sure, go for it.
**[19:39] Nagumo INT**
*Okay, let's see who can hold out the longest.*
***SIGN*** Temperature
**[19:46] Nagumo**
I can't stand how weak
young people are these days.
**[19:49] Nagumo**
They take off running
as soon as I go for a löyly.
**[19:53] Higashitani**
I'm only just getting started.
**[19:55] Higashitani**
I was about to do that myself, in fact.
**[19:59] Nagumo**
Now *here's* a young man I can respect.
**[20:01] Nagumo**
Man, sure feels cool in here, though.
**[20:04] Higashitani**
I'm actually getting chills.
**[20:06] Nagumo**
I get ya. I almost want to get my jacket.
**[20:09] Higashitani**
Well, I'm getting goosebumps. Check it out!
**[20:11] Higashitani**
So on that note,
mind if I give it one more hit?
**[20:15] Higashitani**
I'm gonna catch a cold in here.
**[20:18] Nagumo**
Please do.
**[20:19] Nagumo INT**
*This guy...*
***SIGN*** Temperature
**[20:23] Nagumo**
So chilly.
**[20:24] Higashitani**
I'm freezing. I'm seconds away
from hypothermia.
**[20:27] Nagumo**
Just shoot some boiling hot corn potage
straight into my bladder through a catheter.
**[20:32] Higashitani INT**
*Damn. What's with this old guy?!*
**[20:36] Nagumo INT**
*This kid's pretty tough.*
**[20:42] Nagumo**
S-Sir! Now's a bad time!
**[20:45] Nagumo**
We're at the doorway to purgatory in here—
**[20:47] Old**
You boys...
**[20:51] Old**
Mind a little löyly?
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100
***SIGN*** Löyly
***SIGN*** Throwing water on heated stones to raise
the temperature in the room.
Wait for others to consent before attempting.
***SIGN*** Temperature
**[21:00] Nagumo INT**
*He dumped the whole tub in!*
***SIGN*** Temperature
**[21:07] Nagumo INT**
*Can't stay conscious.*
**[21:11] Nagumo INT**
*Sorry, Mashiro. I'm done for.*
**[21:17] Mashiro**
Old dude! Old dude!
**[21:21] Mashiro**
Old dude, are you okay?
**[21:23] Maki**
Oh, thank goodness.
**[21:25] Nagumo**
Wh-What was I...
**[21:26] Mashiro**
You passed out in the sauna.
**[21:28] Nezu**
I found you and brought you here.
**[21:31] Nagumo**
Oh, right. What about the escaped criminal?
**[21:33] Mashiro**
The police took him away.
**[21:35] Nagumo**
Oh, I see.
**[21:36] Nagumo**
Wait, there was an old man in there, too.
**[21:39] Nezu**
You mean Gramps? He just walked out.
**[21:43] Nagumo**
I tried to play the expert and started
a duel, and this is how I end up.
**[21:46] Nagumo**
I bet that old man knew
exactly what was going on.
**[21:50] Nagumo**
Sorry for causing trouble.
**[21:52] Mashiro**
Wait, don't stand up yet!
**[21:54] Nagumo**
I guess I'm still just a green-assed rookie.
**[21:58] Nagumo**
Damn, the path of the sauna sure runs deep.
**[22:01] Maki**
Sensei, your towel!
***SIGN*** Dets These Days
**[22:04] Mashiro**
Come on! Put something on already!
**[22:06] Nezu**
Your ass doesn't look green to me.
***SIGN*** Next Time
***SIGN*** Nagumo-san's Grown-up Allure
***SIGN*** Nagumo-san's Grown-up Allure
***SIGN*** The Lost Child
and Mashiro
***SIGN*** The Great Detective vs.
Phantom Thief Riverfake
***SIGN*** The Great Detective vs.
Phantom Thief Riverfake
# 7 - Nagumo-san's Grown-up Allure / The Lost Child and Mashiro / The Great Detective vs. Phantom Thief Riverfake
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/series/G79H23Z93/detectives-these-days-are-crazy)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:01] Nagumo INT**
*I've made some decent money lately,*
**[00:04] Nagumo INT**
* so I splurged on a good coffee maker*
* and some good beans.*
**[00:09] Nagumo INT**
*The deep flavor. The rich aroma.*
**[00:12] Nagumo INT**
* Not that I can really tell how it tastes*
* because of my empyema.*
**[00:16] Nagumo INT**
*I like it, though.*
**[00:18] Nagumo INT**
* Then, a young gorilla comes up*
* and says she wants to try some,*
**[00:22] Nagumo INT**
*so I give her a cup.*
***SIGN*** Hot!!!
***SIGN*** Hot!!!
**[00:27] Nagumo**
Ow, that's hot! You *tryin'* to kill me?
**[00:30] Mashiro**
Sorry, my tongue's as sensitive as a cat's.
**[00:32] Mashiro**
I'll give you some fossilized
Tyrannosaurus poop as an apology.
**[00:35] Nagumo**
A girl shouldn't have
fossilized poop in her bra!
**[00:38] Nagumo**
I swear...
**[00:40] Nagumo**
What am I gonna do with you?
I'll make you another, but iced this time.
**[00:43] Mashiro**
Aw, you're such a nice old dude!
**[00:46] Mashiro**
What a gentleman! A manly man!
**[00:49] Mashiro**
Dandy!
**[00:50] Mashiro**
Grown-up!
**[00:52] Mashiro**
Um...
**[00:54] Mashiro**
You pay into your pension. Good for you!
**[00:56] Nagumo**
You don't keep many compliments on hand, huh?
**[00:59] Nagumo**
Here. Plenty of ice.
**[01:02] Mashiro**
Looks tasty.
**[01:03] Mashiro**
Here I go.
***SIGN*** Bitter!!!
***SIGN*** Cold!!!
**[01:09] Nagumo**
You *tryin'* to stop my heart with ice
after the heat didn't kill me?!
**[01:13] Mashiro**
I'm not! It was just so bitter,
I couldn't help it.
**[01:16] Mashiro**
I never knew coffee was so bitter.
**[01:19] Nagumo**
I guess you aren't ready for black yet.
Want some milk in it?
**[01:23] Mashiro**
Th-This is fine. I'm not a kid.
**[01:28] Nagumo**
Drinking coffee black
doesn't make you a grown-up.
**[01:31] Nagumo**
I'm gonna go pick up some things.
Keep an eye on the place.
**[01:34] Mashiro**
Wait—
***SIGN*** Detectives
These Days
Are Crazy!
***SIGN*** Nagumo-san's
Grown-up Allure
***SIGN*** Nagumo-san's
Grown-up Allure
**[03:15] Mashiro**
I never knew the old dude
drank such bitter stuff.
**[03:18] Mashiro**
Man, I just know he thinks
I'm a kid with childish tastes now.
**[03:22] Mashiro**
I think Maki-chan prefers
her coffee black, too.
**[03:26] Mashiro**
She's such a grown-up.
**[03:28] Mashiro**
During that whole assistant swap,
**[03:30] Mashiro**
the two of them had that kind of
grown-up vibe that really worked.
***SIGN*** Puny
**[03:36] Mashiro**
Oh, no! I might not be a good match for him!
***SIGN*** Agent's Secret Base
**[03:40] Azuha**
I see, I see.
**[03:42] Azuha**
Basically, you want me to help you
learn how to drink coffee black,
**[03:46] Azuha**
so Mr. Nagumo will acknowledge
you as a mature woman?
**[03:49] Azuha**
Oh, I get it. I truly get how you feel,
fresh young HS girl.
**[03:53] Mashiro**
I don't actually know
where you are right now.
**[03:57] Azuha**
Not to worry.
**[03:58] Azuha**
I've already got a thousand ideas in mind.
**[04:02] Mashiro**
I knew I could count on you.
**[04:05] Azuha**
So let's get started.
**[04:07] Mashiro**
Huh?
**[04:08] Azuha**
If I put a hole in your head and insert
the coffee, you won't feel the bitterness.
**[04:12] Mashiro**
I don't think I'd be able
to feel much else, either!
**[04:15] Mashiro**
Isn't there a way that *doesn't*
change my overall silhouette?
**[04:19] Azuha**
Well, that kills nine hundred
of my thousand ideas.
**[04:21] Azuha**
Otherwise, all I've got is a pill
that nullifies bitter flavors...
**[04:25] Mashiro**
That's the best answer!
**[04:26] Mashiro**
Thanks, Azuha-san!
**[04:28] Azuha**
Wait, fresh young HS girl.
**[04:32] Azuha**
Well, that ain't good.
**[04:39] Mashiro INT**
* Now I'll be a mature woman*
* who can enjoy coffee, too.*
**[04:44] Mashiro INT**
*And with my new adult allure...*
**[04:47] Mashiro INT**
*I'm gonna knock you right out, old dude!*
**[04:50] Nagumo**
*Physically?!*
**[04:51] Mashiro**
Here goes.
**[04:58] Mashiro**
Yummy.
**[04:59] Mashiro INT**
* Wow, it's not bitter at all!*
* Just who is Azuha-san, anyway?*
**[05:05] Mashiro INT**
* The old dude's gonna be so surprised*
* when he sees I can suddenly drink coffee.*
**[05:10] Nagumo**
I'm back.
**[05:12] Mashiro**
Oh, welcome back!
**[05:13] Mashiro**
Hey, old man! I can drink coffee now—
**[05:16] Nagumo**
Man, I tripped and fell on my way back.
**[05:20] Mashiro INT**
*Wait, why does he look so hot?*
**[05:23] Nagumo**
What? Is there something on my face?
**[05:26] Mashiro**
Uh, no, there's not.
**[05:28] Nagumo**
Oh, right. I picked up
a little something for you.
**[05:31] Mashiro**
Wh-What is it?
**[05:33] Nagumo**
Here. A rock I found on the road
that looks like a butt.
**[05:37] Mashiro INT**
* The gift is trash as usual, but him looking*
* so hot totally makes up for it!*
**[05:42] Mashiro INT**
* What is this feeling?*
* My heart won't stop pounding.*
**[05:46] Mashiro INT**
*Does coffee cause this?*
**[05:51] Mashiro**
H-Hello?
**[05:53] Azuha**
*Hey, fresh young HS girl?*
**[05:55] Mashiro**
*Azuha-san?*
**[05:56] Azuha**
I didn't get a chance to tell you earlier,
**[05:58] Azuha**
but that pill has aphrodisiac side effects.
**[06:02] Mashiro**
What?
**[06:03] Azuha**
* Put simply, it'll make you crazy about*
* anyone of the opposite sex who's nearby.*
**[06:08] Azuha**
But it'll wear off quickly, so you can relax.
**[06:11] Azuha**
Let's go someplace where we can grill
the dead flesh of a cow again soon.
**[06:14] Azuha**
*Buh-bye!*
**[06:20] Mashiro INT**
* I gotta get away from him quick,*
* or I'm in trouble.*
**[06:22] Mashiro INT**
* I need to be as far away from him*
* as possible until the drug wears off.*
**[06:26] Mashiro INT**
*If I stay here...*
**[06:28] Nagumo**
Hey, Mashiro, check it out.
**[06:31] Nagumo**
When I fell earlier,
my pants ripped straight up.
**[06:36] Mashiro INT**
* This clumsy hottie*
* is gonna kill me with cuteness!*
**[06:40] Mashiro INT**
* It's no use. The stupid stuff he does*
* usually freaks me out,*
**[06:44] Mashiro INT**
*but right now, I'm finding it adorable!*
**[06:46] Nagumo**
Hey, you drank some coffee?
**[06:48] Nagumo**
After all that whining about
how bitter it was? What happened?
**[06:52] Mashiro**
Oh, uh, it was actually pretty good
once I got used to it, um, I guess.
**[06:56] Nagumo**
Oh, yeah?
**[06:58] Nagumo**
Good for you.
**[06:59] Nagumo**
I'll take you to my favorite
coffee place next time.
**[07:07] Mashiro**
Crap! Sorry! You just touched me
out of nowhere, and I...
**[07:11] Nagumo**
That's not a move you
just whip out on an impulse!
**[07:13] Nagumo**
Ow. Why are you acting so weird?
**[07:17] Nagumo**
Your face is red, too.
**[07:19] Mashiro**
Oh, it's just...
**[07:21] Nagumo**
Did you catch a cold or something?
**[07:26] Nagumo**
No fever.
**[07:27] Mashiro INT**
*Shit! His face is so close!*
**[07:29] Mashiro INT**
*Take it easy. Be calm, be calm, be calm.*
**[07:34] Mashiro**
There is a cold going around.
You should rest.
**[07:37] Mashiro**
Th-Thanks.
**[07:40] Mashiro INT**
*Huh? I'm starting to feel dizzy.*
**[07:42] Mashiro INT**
*Am I actually sick?*
**[07:45] Nagumo**
I'm gonna step out for a bit.
**[07:47] Mashiro INT**
*Where are you going, old dude?*
**[07:49] Mashiro INT**
*Wait.*
**[07:52] Mashiro**
Don't go.
**[07:54] Mashiro**
Stay here until I'm better.
**[07:57] Mashiro**
I don't want to be alone again.
**[07:59] Nagumo**
Mashiro?
**[08:01] Nagumo**
Hey! What's going on with you?
**[08:04] Mashiro**
Old dude.
**[08:06] Mashiro**
Seeing you up close, you have
a lot of white hairs in your mustache.
**[08:10] Nagumo**
You're dissing me at close range now?
**[08:12] Nagumo**
C'mon, let go.
**[08:14] Mashiro**
Don't leave.
**[08:15] Nagumo**
* Your physical strength*
* is really standing out right now.*
**[08:19] Mashiro**
Old dude, I... I really think I...
**[08:27] Mashiro**
I li—
***SIGN*** The
drug's
effects...
***SIGN*** wore off
**[08:30] Mashiro**
Too close!
**[08:33] Mashiro**
I'm so sorry!
***SIGN*** Pro
***SIGN*** str
***SIGN*** ate
**[08:35] Nagumo**
Ah, okay. So that's what happened.
**[08:38] Mashiro**
I had no idea it would have
a side effect like that.
**[08:41] Mashiro**
I mean, it's unbelievable
that you'd look so hot.
**[08:44] Nagumo**
Okay, just stay in that position
for the rest of the day.
**[08:46] Nagumo**
Sheesh. I'm not gonna drop you as my partner
just 'cause you can't drink coffee.
**[08:52] Mashiro**
But still, I want to be a grown-up woman
who looks good drinking coffee.
**[08:57] Mashiro**
If I stay a child forever...
**[09:01] Nagumo**
A café au lait with plenty of milk.
**[09:03] Nagumo**
I made it by mistake.
**[09:06] Mashiro**
Café au lait?
You're treating me like a kid again.
**[09:10] Nagumo**
Mashiro, you don't need to try to match me.
**[09:13] Nagumo**
I need you to do the things I can't.
**[09:16] Nagumo**
In any case, I don't like café au lait,
**[09:20] Nagumo**
so I'd appreciate it
if you'd drink it for me.
**[09:22] Mashiro**
Old dude.
***SIGN*** It stinks!!
***SIGN*** It stinks!!
**[09:30] Mashiro**
This reeks! Old dude,
I think your milk went bad!
**[09:33] Nagumo**
Ah, sorry. I couldn't tell 'cause of my empyema.
**[09:35] Azuha**
They're so noisy.
**[09:39] Mashiro**
♫ One little whitebait sits right here ♫
**[09:43] Mashiro**
♫ It's gone bad, and now it has a spot ♫
**[09:47] Mashiro**
♫ What's this? It looks like there are two! ♫
**[09:51] Mashiro**
♫ Is this astigmatism? ♫
**[09:52] Mashiro**
♫ No, not astigmatism.
You've been misdiagnosed ♫
**[09:56] Mashiro**
♫ Now put some rotten yakisoba on top ♫
**[10:00] Nagumo**
What kind of song
are you teaching a little kid?
**[10:02] Mashiro**
♫ And just like that, we have Nagumo-san ♫
**[10:06] Nagumo**
Wait, you were drawing *me*?
Did you have to use all that rotting stuff?
**[10:10] Nagumo**
Sheesh.
**[10:11] Nagumo**
A lost kid is such a hassle.
**[10:13] Nagumo**
We should just leave this one to the police.
**[10:16] Mashiro**
And you call yourself a detective?
**[10:19] Mashiro**
Isn't it a detective's job to help
anyone they see who's in trouble?
**[10:23] Nagumo**
That's the police's job, too.
**[10:24] Mashiro**
Right?
**[10:26] Fuu**
Shut up, ugly.
**[10:27] Mashiro**
Who're you callin' "ugly,"
you stupid little shit?
**[10:31] Mashiro**
You sure look ugly now.
***SIGN*** The Lost Child
and Mashiro
**[10:35] Nagumo**
Well, no helping it now that she's here.
**[10:37] Nagumo**
How old are you, little girl?
**[10:40] Nagumo**
Huh? You're three?
**[10:42] Fuu**
How many fingers do you see?
**[10:44] Nagumo**
I don't have astigmatism.
**[10:47] Fuu**
♫ No, not astigmatism.
You've been misdiagnosed ♫
**[10:51] Fuu**
♫ Now put some rotten yakisoba on top ♫
**[10:51] Nagumo**
I just don't get how little kids think.
**[10:54] Mashiro**
Boy, you can say that again.
**[10:56] Nagumo**
Don't start competing over
how confusing you can be.
**[11:01] Fuu**
I will arrest you.
**[11:03] Nagumo**
By the way, little girl,
can you tell us your name?
**[11:08] Fuu**
Fuu.
**[11:09] Nagumo**
Oh, that's a nice name.
**[11:11] Nagumo**
I'd like to know your family name, too.
**[11:13] Fuu**
Everyone calls me "Beaver."
***SIGN*** Beaver Fuu
**[11:16] Mashiro**
She's teasing us enough
to tickle our faces right off.
**[11:19] Nagumo**
This is gonna be a tough job.
**[11:22] Nagumo**
Where'd you find this kid, anyway?
**[11:25] Mashiro**
The local park.
**[11:27] Mashiro**
I was coming up with
new ways to fall safely...
**[11:31] Mashiro**
when I sensed someone watching me,
so I turned around, and...
**[11:39] Mashiro**
But that has nothing to do with the story,
so enough about that.
**[11:43] Nagumo**
Wait, wait! I'm a lot more
curious about that one!
**[11:47] Mashiro**
I was on my way home
when she came up to me.
**[11:51] (Flashback) Fuu**
I'm lost, Miss Detective.
Please find my daddy.
**[11:56] Mashiro**
Then, we went to a café
and got seated next to the prime minister,
**[12:00] Mashiro**
but that has nothing to do with the story,
so enough about that.
**[12:03] Nagumo**
There are some really intriguing
side stories going on here!
**[12:08] Nagumo**
C'mon. Let's go ask around.
**[12:11] Nezu**
Hmm, doesn't ring a bell.
**[12:14] Nezu**
Should I ask a buddy of mine to look around?
**[12:18] Nagumo**
Yeah. Thanks.
**[12:22] Nezu**
Hey, it's Nezu.
**[12:24] Nezu**
I'm looking for someone, and...
What? I don't have time for that?
**[12:28] Nezu**
What? HQ's pissed I left the group?
**[12:31] Nezu**
They found out I hang around
with the chick who took them out?
**[12:35] Nezu**
They have a thousand men
out looking for me?
**[12:37] Nezu**
The chopper, too?
**[12:39] Nezu**
Is it okay if I bail for a little bit?
**[12:42] Nagumo/Mashiro**
It sounds like you're about to bail for good.
**[12:46] Azuha**
I see.
**[12:47] Azuha**
And you're looking
for this offspring's father?
**[12:50] Nagumo**
Don't call a human child "offspring."
**[12:53] Azuha**
Hi. That's a nice face you've got there.
**[12:56] Azuha**
Got a photo of your dad or anything?
**[12:58] Fuu**
No.
**[12:59] Nagumo**
We can't do this without any hints.
**[13:01] Azuha**
No, it's fine.
**[13:03] Azuha**
If I just take one strand of her hair...
**[13:05] Nagumo**
You gonna use some weird concoction again?
**[13:08] Azuha**
Now, now, just hear me out.
**[13:11] Azuha**
Ta-da! The Easy Homunculus Creator Kit!
**[13:16] Nagumo**
We're trying to *find* the guy, not *make* him.
**[13:19] Asunaro**
Oh, you're looking for someone?
That's one of the things I'm best at.
**[13:26] Asunaro**
Now, now, little girl,
you do not need to be afraid of me.
**[13:33] Maki**
You don't need to worry.
**[13:35] Maki**
Despite how he looks, he's not carrying
germs or anything. You're safe.
**[13:38] Asunaro**
Do I look like someone who carries germs?
**[13:41] Asunaro**
Wait. I think I've seen
this little girl before.
**[13:46] Maki**
Are you all right?
**[13:48] Maki**
Do you need a jump?
**[13:51] Mashiro**
Now, Fuu-chan, you shouldn't
kick people, even if it *is* Asunaro.
**[13:56] Fuu**
Sorry. But he kind of scared me.
**[13:58] Nagumo**
No leads, huh?
**[14:00] Nagumo**
Although we haven't asked anyone
but our own buddies.
**[14:03] Mashiro**
I'll take a picture of Fuu-chan and
ask everyone I see if they know anything.
**[14:08] Nagumo**
Sure, but there's one thing
I want to make sure of first.
**[14:14] Nagumo**
Fuu-chan, what is it
you're really trying to do here?
**[14:18] Nagumo**
You knew Mashiro from before, didn't you?
**[14:22] Mashiro**
What? You did?
**[14:24] Nagumo**
When you talked to Mashiro for the first time,
you called her "Miss Detective."
**[14:28] Nagumo**
What in the hell made *her*
look like a detective?
**[14:31] Mashiro**
Wasn't that a little bit of a diss just now?
**[14:33] Nagumo**
And you silenced Asunaro-kun
because you know him, too, right?
**[14:41] Mimasaka**
Hey, Keiichiro.
**[14:43] Nagumo**
Mimasaka?
**[14:44] Mimasaka**
What're you doing out here?
**[14:46] Nagumo**
Oh, just got a lost kid here.
**[14:50] Mimasaka**
Fuu-chan?
**[14:51] Fuu**
Oh, Daddy.
**[14:52] Nagumo**
"Daddy"?!
**[14:54] Mimasaka**
Don't tell me, Fuu-chan... Not again.
**[14:56] Fuu**
Yeah, I snuck in.
**[14:58] Fuu**
You said he was a great detective,
so I had high hopes, but he let me down.
**[15:02] Nagumo/Mashiro**
Huh? What?
**[15:03] Fuu**
He figured out I wasn't
just an ordinary lost child,
**[15:06] Fuu**
but he didn't know I was
the daughter of his police friend.
**[15:11] Fuu**
I did give him hints, but...
**[15:13] Mashiro**
Mimasaka... Bibasaka...
***SIGN*** Beaver Fuu
**[15:15] Mashiro**
"Biba"! So *that's* where "Beaver" comes from!
**[15:18] Nagumo**
Hey, c'mon, Mimasaka. What's with this kid?!
**[15:21] Mimasaka**
Oh, uh, Fuu-chan is, well...
**[15:25] Fuu**
This is how pathetic you become
without an archnemesis?
**[15:29] Fuu**
Remember this, great detective!
**[15:33] Fuu**
I am the great phantom thief of the future:
**[15:36] Fuu**
Phantom Thief Beaver!
**[15:38] Fuu**
I'll take this by way of greeting.
**[15:41] Nagumo**
Hey! My wallet!
**[15:42] Fuu**
So long!
**[15:44] Mashiro**
Phantom Thief Beaver is terrifying.
**[15:46] Nagumo**
After her, Mashiro! Get my wallet back!
**[15:48] Mashiro**
There's nothing in there
but receipts and bandages.
**[15:51] Nagumo**
Mimasaka, how the hell
did you raise that kid?
**[15:54] Mimasaka**
Ah, I told her about my work, and she
developed an admiration for phantom thieves.
**[15:58] Mimasaka**
She's cute, though, huh?
**[16:00] Nagumo**
Yeah, she's cute.
**[16:02] Nagumo**
Actually, she *is* cute.
**[16:08] Nagumo**
Hm? Feels lighter than it should.
***SIGN*** Phantom Thief Beaver was here!!
**[16:14] Nagumo**
The hell is this?
**[16:16] Mashiro**
Old dude, we've got trouble!
**[16:19] Mashiro**
The instant coffee is totally empty,
and this card was in it!
***SIGN*** Phantom Thief Beaver was here!!
***SIGN*** Phantom Thief Beaver was here!!
***SIGN*** Phantom Thief Beaver was here!!
**[16:24] Mashiro**
No rice, either!
**[16:26] Mashiro**
Or toilet paper!
***SIGN*** Phantom Thief Beaver was here!!
**[16:28] Mashiro**
Even your booze is all gone!
***SIGN*** Phantom Thief Beaver was here!!
***SIGN*** Phantom Thief Beaver was here!!
***SIGN*** Phantom Thief Beaver was here!!
**[16:30] Mashiro**
So I...
**[16:32] Mashiro**
caught the thief.
**[16:33] Fuu**
Let me go! He's gonna eat me!
**[16:36] Mashiro**
It's a crime to enter people's houses
without their permission.
**[16:39] Mashiro**
Shut up, ugly.
**[16:40] Mashiro**
Who're you callin' ugly?!
**[16:43] Nagumo**
Don't make that your signature gag.
**[16:46] TV**
*Breaking news.*
**[16:47] TV**
* The phantom thief Riverfake has left*
* a notice that they intend to steal*
***SIGN*** BREAKING
***SIGN*** Hot
***SIGN*** A notice from
Phantom Thief
Riverfake
**[16:50] TV**
*the painting* The Smile*, which is
on display in the Tsukai Art Museum.*
**[16:53] Fuu**
Riverfake-sama.
**[16:55] Nagumo**
Oh, isn't that the thief
Mimasaka's been after?
**[16:59] Mashiro**
That's a lame-ass pun on "river otter"
when "River-Notter" is right there.
***SIGN*** BREAKING
***SIGN*** Hot
***SIGN*** A notice from
Phantom Thief
Riverfake
**[17:04] TV**
*This is the notice.*
***SIGN*** m 627.5 52 l 294.5 52.5 287.5 48.5 284 42 284.5 36 287.5 31.5 291 27.5 627.5 28
***SIGN*** The notice from the phantom thief!
***SIGN*** Notice
***SIGN*** I will take
*The Smeille
Smyle Smile*
***SIGN*** from the art mewseum
musuem museum
at midnight tonight
**[17:06] Nagumo**
That's a lot of spelling corrections.
***SIGN*** The Great Detective vs.
Phantom Thief Riverfake
***SIGN*** The Great Detective vs.
Phantom Thief Riverfake
**[17:11] Mimasaka**
Sorry to call you in
at short notice, Keiichiro.
**[17:13] Mimasaka**
I really wanted someone
talented on this case.
**[17:16] Nagumo**
So this phantom thief
is going to show up today?
**[17:19] Mimasaka**
He's never done anything off-schedule.
**[17:22] Mimasaka**
Phantom Thief Riverfake.
**[17:24] Mimasaka**
His identity is unknown,
but he never misses a target.
**[17:30] Mimasaka**
This time, he's after
this painting: *The Smile*.
**[17:34] Mimasaka**
Apparently, it was made in some special way,
**[17:37] Mimasaka**
and it's worth sixty billion.
**[17:39] Mashiro**
Wait, sixty—
**[17:40] Mashiro**
With sixty billion, I could buy a beef bowl
with enough soft-boiled eggs to make me puke.
**[17:45] Mimasaka**
Your assistant's awfully
pedestrian, isn't she?
**[17:48] Nagumo**
She's been refined by the reality
of the harsh life we live.
**[17:51] Nagumo**
So what's security like?
**[17:54] Mimasaka**
Airtight.
**[17:57] Mimasaka**
We have 150 cops inside the building.
**[18:00] Mimasaka**
The second the painting's touched,
iron balls will fly from all directions,
**[18:03] Mimasaka**
and hot water and an electric
current will zap the perp.
**[18:06] Nagumo**
Whoa, that's a bit overkill, don't you think?
**[18:08] Mimasaka**
It's actually not even enough
for this phantom thief.
**[18:11] Mimasaka**
Bet you can't wait to use
your detective skills.
**[18:14] Nagumo**
I have no skills left to use,
Mr. Police Detective.
**[18:17] Mimasaka**
Still, working with you like this
really takes me back to that day.
**[18:22] Nagumo**
Yeah, it sure does.
**[18:24] Nagumo**
I think it was a full moon that day, too.
**[18:27] Mimasaka**
Huh? I thought it was snowing.
**[18:29] Nagumo**
Huh? Was it?
**[18:30] Mimasaka**
And you were in a black jacket.
**[18:32] Nagumo**
No way. It was green.
**[18:34] Nagumo/Mimasaka**
*Aging has really messed with his memory.*
**[18:34] Nagumo/Mimasaka**
*Aging has really messed with his memory.*
**[18:37] Mashiro**
Jeez, get your acts together, old dudes.
**[18:40] Mashiro**
It's almost the time
mentioned in the notice.
**[18:43] Mashiro**
The thief could show up at any moment.
**[18:46] Mashiro**
Whoa, the power's out?
**[18:47] Mimasaka**
Get it back on quick!
**[18:49] Nagumo**
Mashiro! The light!
**[18:50] Mashiro**
Right, got it!
**[18:54] Nagumo**
Hey, look!
***SIGN*** Out
in the
Open
**[18:55] Nagumo**
The painting's gone!
**[18:58] Mimasaka**
Was it Riverfake?
**[19:00] Nagumo**
Mashiro! Get ready to move!
**[19:03] Mashiro**
On it!
**[19:04] Nagumo**
Are you off to hunt a pterosaur?
**[19:06] Cop1**
Hey! There's someone by the window!
**[19:08] Cop2**
It's Riverfake!
**[19:10] Riverfake**
Greetings, gentlemen.
**[19:12] Riverfake**
Allow me to say just one thing...
**[19:15] Riverfake**
What the hell's with your security today?
**[19:17] Nagumo**
Immediate results!
**[19:20] Nagumo**
Never thought we'd be able to
brute-force that with the power of the state.
**[19:24] Mimasaka**
Now, I've got some questions for you.
**[19:30] Mimasaka**
Shit! Everyone, down!
**[19:32] Mimasaka**
A flash grenade?!
**[19:35] Nagumo**
Mashiro! Can you see?
**[19:36] Mashiro**
S-Somehow, yeah.
**[19:38] Nagumo**
Can you see Riverfake?
**[19:39] Mashiro**
Um...
**[19:42] Mashiro**
He took a direct hit from
that light and hit the deck!
**[19:45] Nagumo**
Why the hell didn't you have protection?
**[19:47] Nagumo**
Are you a stink bug dying
from your own noxious farts?
**[19:49] Mashiro**
Hey!
**[19:50] Mashiro**
He's running away!
**[19:55] Riverfake**
I'll be taking *The Smile*.
**[19:58] Mashiro**
I'll just have to use Azuha-san's special...
**[20:01] Nagumo**
Hang on.
**[20:02] Mashiro**
...wristwatch-shaped flamethrower!
**[20:05] Nagumo**
That's even worse than the original kind!
**[20:08] Nagumo**
Wait, Mashiro. The painting.
It'll burn if that fire hits it.
**[20:12] Mashiro**
Don't worry. I did some research on *The Smile*.
**[20:16] Mashiro**
It was painted on special fireproof cloth,
**[20:18] Mashiro**
and it's survived being
burned in multiple wars.
**[20:21] Mashiro**
That's why it's worth sixty billion.
**[20:24] Mashiro**
So a little flame like this isn't gonna...
**[20:28] Nagumo**
It's sure as hell burning up.
**[20:30] Mashiro**
What?! No way!
**[20:32] Nagumo**
What're you gonna do now?
That was sixty billion yen!
**[20:35] Mashiro**
I'll never put soft-boiled eggs
on my beef bowls again.
**[20:38] Nagumo**
You're gonna pay it off
with soft-boiled egg savings?
**[20:41] Mimasaka**
Don't worry. We're not so gullible
that we'd keep the real painting up.
**[20:48] Nagumo**
You're a man who gets
the job done, Mimasaka.
**[20:50] Mashiro**
Wait, what about the thief?
**[20:55] Nagumo**
What the...
**[20:58] Mimasaka**
What happened?
**[20:59] Cop1**
He shot off some kinda gas
that put us all to sleep.
**[21:04] Mashiro**
Hey!
**[21:05] Mashiro**
Over there!
**[21:07] Mashiro**
He's fleeing with nothing on
but a burned scrap!
**[21:08] Nagumo**
Whoa, he's one grubby old man.
**[21:11] Mimasaka**
Damn. That's Riverfake for you.
**[21:18] Mimasaka**
Fuu-chan?! You followed me?
**[21:20] Mashiro**
Nice one, Fuu-chan!
**[21:22] Nagumo**
W-Wait, but why? I thought
you admired this phantom thief.
**[21:28] Fuu**
Not this.
**[21:29] Riverfake**
Wh-What'd you say?
**[21:30] Fuu**
The Riverfake I admire can't be
a nasty old man like this!
**[21:37] Riverfake**
I'm, uh, sorry, I guess?
***SIGN*** Nagumo Detective Agency
**[21:41] Mashiro**
Old dude, you got a package
from Mimasaka-san.
**[21:44] Mashiro**
Oh? What is it?
**[21:46] Mashiro**
"Thank you for your assistance
in the arrest of Riverfake," it says.
**[21:50] Nagumo**
Heh. Talk about corny.
**[21:53] Nagumo**
He has the worst taste in gifts, y'know.
***SIGN*** Phantom Thief Beaver was here!!
**[21:58] Mimasaka**
What? Fuu-chan, that was
part of my gift for Keiichiro!
**[22:02] Fuu INT**
*Nagumo Keiichiro.*
**[22:04] Fuu INT**
* I accidentally helped you this time,*
* but next time, I'll crush you.*
***SIGN*** Next Time
***SIGN*** Nagumo's
Cyber Case File
***SIGN*** Nagumo's
Cyber Case File
***SIGN*** The Phantom Thief's Method
***SIGN*** A Detective
Assistant's
Day Off
# 8 - Nagumo's Cyber Case File / The Phantom Thief's Method / A Detective Assistant's Day Off
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/series/G79H23Z93/detectives-these-days-are-crazy)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:02] Shinnosu**
D-Don't you move a muscle, detectives!
**[00:06] Shinnosu**
T-Take one step and I'll break this vase!
**[00:09] Nagumo**
Boy, this one's a pain in the ass.
**[00:13] Shinnosu**
That's it. Stay right where you are.
**[00:15] Shinnosu**
Move and I break it.
**[00:18] Mashiro**
What now? Our hands and feet are tied.
**[00:20] Mashiro**
But my elbows aren't!
**[00:23] Shinnosu**
Mommy!
**[00:27] Maki**
Did she just glide through the air?
**[00:29] Asunaro**
I wish she'd warn us before
deciding she's no longer human.
**[00:32] Nagumo**
No! The vase!
That's priceless Imari porcelain!
**[00:36] Nagumo**
Mashiro! If that vase breaks,
it's boiled water for dinner from now on!
**[00:40] Mashiro**
Eek! Anything but that!
**[00:42] Mashiro**
I'm still a growing girl
with a growing appetite.
**[00:45] Mashiro**
I will protect my delicious meals with my life!
**[00:55] Mashiro**
I have struck down the enemy general.
**[00:57] Nagumo INT**
*The Hot Water Detective is born.*
***SIGN*** Detectives
These Days
Are Crazy!
***SIGN*** Nagumo's
Cyber Case File
***SIGN*** Nagumo's
Cyber Case File
**[02:35] Nagumo**
What? You don't remember anything?
**[02:38] Mashiro**
Do you know how much we had to pay
in compensation for that vase? Huh?!
**[02:43] Asunaro**
Except I'm the one who paid for it.
**[02:45] Shinnosu**
I-I was just at home watching
videos on YoTube, like always.
**[02:50] Shinnosu**
Then I lost consciousness,
and the next thing I knew, here I was.
**[02:54] Mashiro**
If lies like that were good enough,
we wouldn't need cops.
**[02:58] Shinnosu**
I-It's true!
**[03:00] Mashiro**
You know, on top of being super easy to break,
collarbones hurt like hell when broken.
**[03:05] Shinnosu**
No! Someone help me!
**[03:07] Maki**
Videos?
**[03:10] Maki**
Were you by any chance
watching Yomoya Hikari's videos?
**[03:15] Shinnosu**
Huh? Well, yes, I was...
**[03:18] Maki**
I thought so.
**[03:20] Nagumo**
What? Who's Yomoya Hikari?
**[03:23] Maki**
A VTuber who's grown
popular in certain circles.
**[03:26] Nagumo**
Oh, uh, right. A vee-choo... Um, sure.
**[03:31] Mashiro**
Jeez, his brain screeches to a halt
as soon as he sees horizontal writing.
**[03:35] Maki**
The videos themselves are nothing unusual,
**[03:37] Maki**
but some of them seem to have
electro-drug effects on people.
**[03:40] Maki**
There are even rumors
they brainwash people into doing crimes.
**[03:47] Nagumo**
Brainwashing videos, huh?
**[03:49] Nagumo**
Seems a bit hard to believe,
**[03:51] Nagumo**
but I guess I should take a look at one.
**[03:56] Nagumo**
Will it come up if I search for it?
**[03:58] Mashiro**
Wait, old dude, you can use a computer?
**[04:00] Nagumo**
Don't be dumb. I was a detective
when you were still in diapers.
**[04:05] Nagumo**
Of course I can handle a computer or two.
**[04:09] Mashiro**
Wow. I misjudged you, old dude.
**[04:12] Nagumo**
Let's see... Y... O...
**[04:17] Nagumo**
Uh... M... M... M...
**[04:21] Nagumo**
Wait, the "M" isn't here today?
**[04:24] Mashiro**
*Yikes! Hunt-and-peck typing!*
**[04:27] Nagumo**
Okay, I'm gonna play it. Prepare yourselves.
**[04:32] Hikari**
*Hi, everyone! How ya doin'?*
**[04:34] Hikari**
* I'm the online idol swimmin'*
* through the electronic sea, Yomoya Hikari!*
**[04:38] Hikari**
*Today, I'm introducing this app!*
**[04:41] Hikari**
*Today, I'm gonna dance to this song.*
**[04:44] Asunaro**
Huh, she's quite cute, isn't she?
**[04:48] Nagumo**
I'm not sure how I'm meant to enjoy this.
**[04:51] Nagumo**
How'd you find out about these videos, uh...
**[04:55] Nagumo**
Sorry, I didn't get your name.
**[04:58] Shinnosu**
Oh, I'm Nohara Shinnosu.
**[05:02] Nagumo**
* Nohara Shinnosu?*
* That cuts off in the worst place!*
**[05:05] Nagumo**
*Did your folks turn to stone while naming you?*
**[05:07] Shinnosu**
I just checked out the videos
because they came up in my recs.
**[05:11] Nagumo**
Huh.
**[05:13] Nagumo**
This video's brainwashing people?
Seems a stretch.
**[05:16] Nagumo**
Maybe Nohara-kun really was lying...
**[05:24] Nagumo**
H-Hey, Mashiro!
**[05:27] Nagumo**
Crap. Mashiro's completely brainwashed.
**[05:30] Asunaro**
She's likely more susceptible
since her neural circuits are so primitive.
**[05:34] Nagumo**
We gotta catch her quick.
There's no telling what she'll do.
**[05:37] Maki**
Oh, there she is.
**[05:39] Maki**
She's crouching on that man's head.
**[05:41] Nagumo**
That man's gonna be in danger
if we do something careless.
**[05:45] Maki**
Oh, she ran off again.
**[05:47] Nagumo**
After her!
**[05:53] Maki**
But even if we do catch her,
we can't overwhelm her physically, can we?
**[05:57] Nagumo**
G-Good point.
**[05:59] Asunaro**
I'd definitely rather not face her
head-on in her current state.
**[06:04] Nagumo**
Damn it. What do we do?
**[06:09] Nagumo**
That muscular silhouette...
**[06:11] Nagumo**
It can't be.
**[06:13] Nagumo**
Nipple Tasting Man!
***SIGN*** Caviar
***SIGN*** Caviar
***SIGN*** Truffle
***SIGN*** Caviar
***SIGN*** Truffle
***SIGN*** Caviar
***SIGN*** Truffle
***SIGN*** Caviar
***SIGN*** Truffle
***SIGN*** Caviar
***SIGN*** Truffle
***SIGN*** Caviar
***SIGN*** Truffle
***SIGN*** Caviar
***SIGN*** Truffle
***SIGN*** Caviar
***SIGN*** Truffle
**[06:17] Nipple Tasting Man**
Why, it's Nagumo-san.
***SIGN*** Caviar
***SIGN*** Truffle
**[06:19] Maki**
Why is he doing sumo moves
in the middle of the street?
**[06:22] Nipple Tasting Man**
What's the matter? Want a taste?
**[06:24] Nagumo**
Hell no!
***SIGN*** Caviar
***SIGN*** Truffle
**[06:25] Nagumo**
Although today's menu
does look kind of alluring.
**[06:28] Nagumo**
I'll explain later. Just stop Mashiro!
**[06:32] Nipple Tasting Man**
If that is the detective's wish!
**[06:36] Nipple Tasting Man**
Wh-What is this power?
**[06:43] Nagumo**
Um, Tasting-san, what did I just hear?
**[06:47] Nipple Tasting Man**
That was my ringtone.
**[06:50] Nagumo**
Don't use confusing sounds like that!
I thought you'd crapped your pants.
**[06:53] Nipple Tasting Man**
Oh, but I did crap my pants.
**[06:56] Nagumo**
You actually did?
**[06:59] Nagumo**
The cops?
**[07:00] Maki**
I called them earlier.
**[07:02] Asunaro**
That's my Maki-chan!
**[07:05] Maki**
O-Over there. She's not in her right mind.
**[07:16] Nagumo**
*Yep, saw that coming.*
**[07:18] Nagumo**
Mashiro's out of control, and we don't know
how to find who's responsible.
**[07:23] Nagumo**
I feel like we don't have many options here.
**[07:26] Maki**
Well, it would certainly be
difficult to prove any crime.
**[07:29] Asunaro**
Brainwashing through videos
does sound a bit outlandish.
**[07:33] Mashiro**
I'm definitely brainwashed
right now, though.
**[07:36] Nagumo**
Yeah, but...
**[07:38] Nagumo**
Whoa! How long have you been here?
**[07:40] Maki**
Mashiro-chan, are you all right?
**[07:42] Mashiro**
Yep! I'm just barely holding on
to my sense of self.
**[07:45] Mashiro**
Although I feel something
welling up in my throat at times.
**[07:48] Maki**
Don't make it sound like nausea.
**[07:50] Asunaro**
Well, that solves one of our problems.
**[07:52] Asunaro**
All that's left is how to find
the maker of those, uh, videos...
**[07:55] Nagumo**
Mashiro?
**[07:57] Nagumo**
Hey, Mashiro? What is it?
**[08:02] Nagumo**
Uh-oh. She's lost it again.
**[08:02] Shinnosu**
Ow! That hurts! Ow, ow, ow!
**[08:05] Asunaro**
She's trying to do a death roll
with his head in her mouth.
**[08:07] Maki**
Mashiro-chan, get a hold of yourself.
**[08:12] Mashiro**
Humans are shackled by freedom.
**[08:15] Asunaro**
Oh, she's back to normal.
**[08:17] Nagumo**
Wait, this is her default state?
**[08:21] Nagumo**
She's in beast mode again.
**[08:23] Asunaro**
You need to stop trying to death roll.
**[08:27] Mashiro**
Begone, specter.
**[08:29] Nagumo**
I can tell she's fighting
the brainwashing with all her might.
**[08:31] Maki**
Keep it up, Mashiro-chan.
**[08:37] Nagumo**
Nope, it didn't work.
She just changed versions.
**[08:40] Nagumo**
Now she's acting even more like a dog.
**[08:42] Asunaro**
She's even further beyond our control now.
**[08:45] Maki**
Wait, a dog? Then just maybe...
**[08:54] Maki**
Mashiro-chan!
**[08:56] Maki**
H-House!
**[09:02] Maki**
I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I'm so sorry!
**[09:05] Maki**
Since she's acting like a dog,
I thought the "house" command might work.
**[09:08] Maki**
I thought she'd go back to the office.
But now *I* want to go home.
**[09:13] Nagumo**
No, Maki-chan, it wasn't a bad idea.
**[09:15] Asunaro**
You get the award for technique, Maki-chan.
**[09:18] Mashiro**
Home?
**[09:20] Nagumo**
She ran off.
**[09:22] Maki**
D-D-Did the "house" plan actually work?
**[09:24] Nagumo**
Uh, except she ran in
the opposite direction to the office.
**[09:33] Leader**
Yomoya Hikari's gotten pretty popular.
**[09:36] Leader**
Good.
**[09:38] Leader**
Spread throughout the whole world.
**[09:41] Leader**
The BK subliminals hidden in Yomoya Hikari
only work on total idiots.
**[09:47] Leader**
It has no effect on people smart enough
to be involved in police investigations.
**[09:52] Leader**
That means there's no way
we'll ever get caught.
***SIGN*** Hacker Team
***SIGN*** Y'knownymahseer
**[09:56] Leader**
That's the calling card
of Y'knownymahseer.
**[10:00] Leader**
Soon, there'll be no one
who doesn't know our name.
**[10:05] Astra**
What the hell?
I was just getting to the good part.
**[10:09] Astra**
Who's there?
**[10:16] Leader**
What happened, Astra?!
**[10:17] Mashiro**
Fami, fami, fami... fami, fami, fa...
**[10:19] Leader**
A-Astra?!
**[10:20] McKinnon**
A dog-girl humming a convenience store
jingle has him in an octopus hold.
**[10:22] Mashiro**
Fami, fami, fami... fami, fami, fa...
***SIGN*** It was Ma an alligator
**[10:28] Nagumo**
Guess we should head back
to the office for now and regroup.
**[10:31] Asunaro**
I agree.
**[10:34] Maki**
That's an awful lot of noise.
**[10:37] Maki**
Some unknown group is running this way!
**[10:40] Nagumo**
What the hell am I seeing?
A psychopath's first dream of the new year?
**[10:43] Mashiro**
Old dude! These are the guys
who made those brainwashing videos!
**[10:47] Nagumo**
Wait, you still have that face,
but you're acting normal?
**[10:50] Maki**
I-Is it possible that when I said "house,"
**[10:52] Maki**
she interpreted it not as the office,
but the place where the videos are made?
**[10:56] Nagumo**
I dunno what trail she followed,
but it all worked out.
**[11:00] Nagumo**
Now, we round them all up—
**[11:03] Nagumo INT**
*I have a secret I can't tell anyone.*
**[11:06] Nagumo INT**
* I have no plans to tell anyone*
* because I don't want to worry them.*
**[11:10] Nagumo INT**
*But I...*
**[11:12] Nagumo INT**
*I also have bad knees.*
**[11:15] Maki**
I mean, I'm pretty sure
we all figured as much.
**[11:18] Maki**
Ah, they're scattering!
**[11:20] Asunaro**
They won't escape!
**[11:21] HackerB**
Move it, woman!
**[11:30] Nipple Tasting Man**
Are you all right?
**[11:32] Maki**
Th-Thank you...
**[11:34] Maki**
N-N-N... Ni... Nip...
**[11:39] Nipple Tasting Man**
My name is Nipple Tasting Man.
**[11:42] Nagumo**
More like Pooped-in-His-Pants Man.
**[11:44] Maki**
Did you run away from the police?
**[11:46] Nipple Tasting Man**
No, I explained it all, and they let me go.
**[11:50] Nipple Tasting Man**
Honestly, the police are such tyrants.
**[11:52] Nagumo**
Speak with your mouth!
**[11:54] Nagumo**
More importantly,
we need to catch those guys.
**[11:56] Nipple Tasting Man**
Oh, them?
**[11:58] Nipple Tasting Man**
You needn't worry about them anymore.
**[12:01] McKinnon**
Hey! Outta my way, old man! I'll kill you—
**[12:07] McKinnon**
M-My eyes!
**[12:10] Nagumo**
That's...
**[12:11] Nagumo**
Cross Chest Hair Man!
**[12:13] Cross Chest Hair Man**
May the sacred light judge you.
**[12:15] Nagumo**
Huh? Was he always that cool?
**[12:25] Maki**
Another nearly-naked man!
**[12:27] Nipple Tasting Man**
That's Man Who Likes Ropes.
**[12:29] Man Who Likes Ropes**
Despite how I look,
I'm a rare degree of masochist!
**[12:32] Nagumo**
Oh, we can tell.
***SIGN*** Caviar
***SIGN*** Truffle
**[12:33] Nipple Tasting Man**
No matter what evil may
run rampant in this world,
**[12:36] Nipple Tasting Man**
we—Tasting, Cross, Rope,
**[12:39] Nipple Tasting Man**
and Shady here...
**[12:40] Nagumo**
Why am I the only one
who's just being dissed?
**[12:42] Nipple Tasting Man**
So long as the Big Four of
Creepy Old Dudes are around,
***SIGN*** Caviar
***SIGN*** Truffle
***SIGN*** Caviar
***SIGN*** Truffle
**[12:45] Nipple Tasting Man**
order in this town will never be in danger!
***SIGN*** Caviar
***SIGN*** Truffle
***SIGN*** Caviar
***SIGN*** Truffle
***SIGN*** Caviar
***SIGN*** Truffle
***SIGN*** Caviar
***SIGN*** Truffle
**[12:48] Maki**
Look at all that exposed skin!
**[12:51] Leader**
Keep that up until you die,
ya wannabe freaks!
**[12:54] Nipple Tasting Man**
I forgot about the last one.
**[12:56] Nipple Tasting Man**
Shady, it's your—
**[12:58] Nipple Tasting Man**
Huh? He's gone.
**[13:01] Leader**
I won't forget this, you freaks!
**[13:06] Leader**
Wh-Where'd you come from?
**[13:08] Nagumo**
Sorry. I'm just a shady guy.
**[13:12] Maki**
Oh, the police are here.
**[13:16] Maki**
We'll turn these guys in,
then get Mashiro-chan—
**[13:25] Maki**
Okay, what were we supposed to do there?!
**[13:32] Fuu INT**
*Hello.*
**[13:33] Fuu INT**
* I'm Fuu-chan, aka the fiercely gorgeous*
* lady thief, Phantom Thief Beaver.*
**[13:44] Fuu INT**
* Today's another day of*
* energetically practicing my thieving.*
***SIGN*** The Phantom Thief's Method
**[13:54] Fuu INT**
* My target this time is*
* the former great detective's...*
**[13:58] Fuu INT**
* ugly assistant who's sitting there*
* like Masaoka Shiki just out of shot.*
**[14:02] Fuu INT**
* I'm after her wallet.*
* The difficulty level is very easy.*
**[14:06] Fuu INT**
* You don't look for openings.*
* You make your own.*
**[14:09] Fuu INT**
* The trick is to control*
* where people are looking.*
**[14:13] Fuu INT**
* I'll do whatever it takes to keep*
* their attention locked on something.*
**[14:16] Fuu**
Hey!
**[14:17] Fuu**
Some hot half-Japanese girls are
washing cars in swimsuits, Mr. Detective!
**[14:21] Fuu INT**
* How's that, detective?*
* I brushed up on your fetishes.*
**[14:25] Fuu INT**
* And while he's looking outside,*
* I'll take the wallet—*
**[14:28] Fuu INT**
*Wait.*
***SIGN*** Stare
**[14:29] Fuu INT**
*What? He's not taking his eyes off me at all!*
**[14:33] Fuu INT**
*What a sharp look he's giving me.*
**[14:35] Fuu INT**
*Did he figure out my bluff?*
**[14:38] Fuu INT**
*Impossible. He's a washed-up detective.*
**[14:41] Fuu INT**
*He can't be that perceptive.*
**[14:44] Fuu**
Oh! A busty cop is getting into a catfight with
one of the hot swimsuited half-Japanese girls!
**[14:49] Fuu INT**
* How's that? Surely you'll*
* be staring outside now.*
**[14:53] Fuu INT**
*His gaze is even sharper?! He totally knows!*
**[14:57] Fuu INT**
* Has my silly lie—my crude*
* plan—actually angered him?*
**[15:03] Fuu INT**
*This man is impenetrable.*
**[15:07] Nagumo INT**
*What do I do? I can't take my eyes off her.*
**[15:10] Nagumo INT**
*She looks so much like Masaoka Shiki.*
**[15:13] Nagumo INT**
*In fact, she doesn't even look like Mashiro.*
**[15:15] Nagumo INT**
*I mean, Mashiro's in the other room.*
**[15:19] Mashiro**
Hey, Fuu-chan, you're here.
**[15:27] Fuu INT**
* That girl who looks like Masaoka Shiki*
* ruined everything earlier,*
**[15:31] Fuu INT**
*but I won't give up.*
**[15:33] Fuu INT**
*I'm not like those wretched petty thieves.*
**[15:36] Fuu INT**
* I'm a fair, noble thief*
* who only targets evildoers.*
**[15:41] Fuu INT**
*And only the most evil of evildoers.*
**[15:43] Fuu INT**
* The kind who look like they'd be imprisoned*
* based on their looks alone.*
**[15:47] Fuu INT**
*Okay!*
***SIGN*** Ghost Pepper
***SIGN*** Amaou Strawberry
**[15:49] Fuu INT**
*I'll target this guy.*
**[15:51] Fuu INT**
*Still, what the heck is his deal?*
**[15:53] Fuu INT**
* Practically naked with a necktie?*
* Does he think he's D*nk*y K*ng?*
**[15:57] Fuu INT**
* A fisherman who just woke up*
* would shoot at him by mistake.*
**[16:00] Fuu INT**
* His wallet's right up against his butt?*
* I don't wanna touch that.*
**[16:05] Fuu INT**
*And what's that on his left butt cheek?!*
**[16:08] Fuu INT**
*That's scary!*
**[16:10] Fuu INT**
* I don't want to touch his butt,*
* so I'll just take the money itself.*
**[16:16] Fuu INT**
* I'll wait for the target*
* to pull out his wallet,*
**[16:18] Fuu INT**
* and the moment he takes out*
* the money, I'll pinch it.*
**[16:21] Fuu INT**
*Gulp. This definitely isn't going to be easy.*
**[16:25] Fuu INT**
*But I know I can do it.*
**[16:27] Fuu INT**
*I have talent.*
**[16:30] Fuu**
Um, excuse me.
**[16:33] Fuu INT**
*The talent to charm any evildoer!*
**[16:34] Fuu**
You see, I haven't eaten in days,
and I'm so hungry.
**[16:40] Fuu**
Could you please spare some money?
***SIGN*** Earl Grey
***SIGN*** Earl Grey
***SIGN*** Earl Grey
**[16:48] Nipple Tasting Man**
You poor little girl.
**[16:50] Nipple Tasting Man**
Just leave it to me.
**[16:52] Fuu INT**
* He fell for it. Now I just wait*
* for him to pull out his wallet,*
**[16:56] Fuu INT**
*and the money's mine.*
**[16:58] Nipple Tasting Man**
You both heard that, right?
**[17:01] Fuu**
Huh?
**[17:03] Nipple Tasting Man**
The three of us were planning
a mochi-pounding contest today,
**[17:07] Nipple Tasting Man**
so we'll let you eat all the mochi you want.
**[17:12] Mashiro**
Man, I'm so hungry.
**[17:15] Mashiro**
Maybe I'll get some ramen.
**[17:32] Mashiro**
Hey, Mimasaka-san?
There are three perverts on the riverbank.
**[17:37] Nipple Tasting Man**
Here. Eat up before it hardens.
**[17:48] Fuu**
Oh, it's good.
**[17:52] Fuu INT**
* What the heck? So these three*
* aren't actually bad guys?*
**[17:57] Fuu INT**
* Dad said you could tell if someone*
* was evil by the way they looked,*
**[18:01] Fuu INT**
*but maybe that's not always the case.*
**[18:06] Cop**
Hey! So you three are the suspicious guys
we were told about?
**[18:09] Nipple Tasting Man**
What? But we were just pounding mochi.
**[18:13] Cop**
We got a report about you!
**[18:14] Fuu**
Oh, officer, those men are...
**[18:15] Man Who Likes Ropes**
Just let us explain!
**[18:17] Cop**
Perverts don't need to speak!
**[18:18] Fuu INT**
*But I wonder why...*
**[18:21] Fuu INT**
*I feel no inclination to help them at all.*
**[18:38] Maki**
Ow.
***SIGN*** Waking Up
**[18:43] Maki**
I did it again.
***SIGN*** A Detective
Assistant's
Day Off
***SIGN*** Breakfast
***SIGN*** Processed Soy Milk
***SIGN*** Soy milk is effective for increasing
***SIGN*** bust size
**[18:59] Maki INT**
*I feel like it's starting to work.*
***SIGN*** Jogging
***SIGN*** Do Not Feed the Ducks
***SIGN*** A detective's assistant can't
***SIGN*** skip training
**[19:09] Maki INT**
* I need to toughen up*
* so I won't slow everyone down.*
**[19:16] Maki**
Maybe you should *stop* to drink?
**[19:21] Nipple Tasting Man**
Ah, if it isn't the young lady
who works for Asunaro-kun.
**[19:25] Maki**
Why do you have plastic wrap on your chest?
***SIGN*** Whiskey
**[19:28] Nipple Tasting Man**
Oh, to protect my nipples from drying out.
***SIGN*** Barley Tea
***SIGN*** Whiskey
**[19:31] Nipple Tasting Man**
Would you care for a section?
**[19:34] Maki**
What? No, no, no! I'm good!
**[19:36] Maki**
Also, don't phrase it that way!
***SIGN*** Preliminary Investigation
***SIGN*** at the Library
***SIGN*** Asunaro is popular, so there's loads of material to cover
***SIGN*** Note!!!
***SIGN*** PE
***SIGN*** N
***SIGN*** IS
**[19:48] Maki INT**
* Imagine drawing in*
* a library book. How awful.*
**[19:51] Maki INT**
*And to mark something so vulgar...*
**[19:53] Mashiro**
Hey, Maki-chan,
you shouldn't draw in the books.
**[19:57] Maki**
I-It wasn't me!
**[19:59] Mashiro**
You've done some
pretty nasty margin doodles, huh?
**[20:02] Maki**
A-Again, it wasn't me!
***SIGN*** How to Seduce
a Cabaret Girl
**[20:03] Cross Chest Hair Man**
Quiet in the library!
***SIGN*** Bath
***SIGN*** She bathes at this hour because bathing alone at night is scary
**[20:11] Maki**
This new shampoo smells so nice.
**[20:15] Maki**
Not that anyone will be smelling it.
**[20:26] Maki**
What is it, Maggo—I mean, Master?
**[20:28] Asunaro**
*Ah, Maki-chan?*
**[20:30] Asunaro**
* It seems the criminal*
* from our last case is on the move.*
**[20:33] Asunaro**
* I'm tailing him right now,*
* but can you get here?*
**[20:36] Maki**
If you buy me a car, I can.
**[20:38] Asunaro**
*Huh? I mean, sure, but...*
**[20:42] Maki**
It was a joke.
**[20:45] Maki**
I'm on my way, Master.
**[20:52] Asunaro**
Hey, Maki-chan.
**[20:54] Asunaro**
Sorry to call you on your day off.
**[20:56] Maki**
Don't worry. It was just a lonely
single woman's lonely day off.
**[21:00] Maki**
I was so bored, I was counting
the stains on my ceiling.
**[21:03] Asunaro**
Please forgive me, okay?
I'll make up for it.
**[21:06] Asunaro**
Huh? Hey, you smell nice.
**[21:09] Asunaro**
Is that a new shampoo?
**[21:12] Maki**
Please don't use such simple means
of sucking up to me. It's creepy.
**[21:16] Asunaro**
Come on, I didn't mean it like that.
**[21:22] Maki**
All right, then,
take me to the movies sometime.
**[21:25] Maki**
Then I'll forgive you.
***SIGN*** Bedtime
***SIGN*** No looking at her smartphone for one hour before bed
**[21:42] Maki**
I know that's Master.
***SIGN*** Look! Look!
***SIGN*** I got a funny picture!
***SIGN*** Look! Look!
***SIGN*** I got a funny picture!
***SIGN*** Look! Look!
***SIGN*** I got a funny picture!
***SIGN*** Look! Look!
***SIGN*** I got a funny picture!
***SIGN*** A cloud that looks like poop!
***SIGN*** A cloud that looks like poop!
***SIGN*** A cloud that looks like poop!
***SIGN*** A cloud that looks like poop!
***SIGN*** A cloud that looks like poop!
***SIGN*** A dog with a rooster comb!
***SIGN*** A dog with a rooster comb!
***SIGN*** A dog with a rooster comb!
***SIGN*** A dog with a rooster comb!
***SIGN*** A dog with a rooster comb!
***SIGN*** Sexy Daikon
***SIGN*** Sexy Daikon
***SIGN*** Sexy Daikon
***SIGN*** Sexy Daikon
***SIGN*** A sexy daikon!
***SIGN*** Sexy Daikon
***SIGN*** A sexy daikon!
***SIGN*** Sexy Daikon
***SIGN*** A sexy daikon!
***SIGN*** Sexy Daikon
***SIGN*** A sexy daikon!
***SIGN*** Sexy Daikon
***SIGN*** A sexy daikon!
***SIGN*** Oh, also, I got a new loincloth from one of my fans!
***SIGN*** Sexy Daikon
***SIGN*** A sexy daikon!
***SIGN*** Oh, also, I got a new loincloth from one of my fans!
***SIGN*** A sexy daikon!
***SIGN*** Oh, also, I got a new loincloth from one of my fans!
***SIGN*** A sexy daikon!
***SIGN*** Oh, also, I got a new loincloth from one of my fans!
***SIGN*** Oh, also, I got a new loincloth from one of my fans!
***SIGN*** Asunaro
***SIGN*** Asunaro
***SIGN*** Asunaro
***SIGN*** Asunaro
***SIGN*** Asunaro
***SIGN*** Well? Looks good on me, right?
***SIGN*** Well? Looks good on me, right?
***SIGN*** Asunaro
***SIGN*** Next Time
***SIGN*** Take Good Care
of Your Smartphone
***SIGN*** Maki-chan and Asunaro
# 9 - Take Good Care of Your Smartphone / Maki-chan and Asunaro
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/series/G79H23Z93/detectives-these-days-are-crazy)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:06] Mashiro INT**
*Why?*
**[00:08] Mashiro INT**
*Why did this happen?*
**[00:10] Nagumo**
Mashiro! Keep it together!
**[00:11] Nezu**
Big sis!
**[00:13] Mashiro INT**
*All... All I did...*
**[00:20] Commentator**
* Mashiro comes from behind*
* to become the Glutton Champion!*
**[00:23] Mashiro INT**
*...was drop my smartphone.*
***SIGN*** Detectives
These Days
Are Crazy!
***SIGN*** Take Good Care
of Your Smartphone
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100
***SIGN*** 5 Hours
Earlier
**[02:04] Mashiro**
It's gone!
**[02:05] Mashiro**
No way! It's really not here!
**[02:08] Asunaro**
What's the matter?
**[02:09] Nagumo**
Did you lose something?
**[02:11] Mashiro**
What do I do?
I lost something really important!
**[02:15] Nagumo**
Something important? Your ladylike grace?
**[02:17] Nezu**
Your dignity?
***SIGN*** Bet it's
common
sense
***SIGN*** I wasn't
wrong
**[02:20] Mashiro**
My smartphone!
I lost my smartphone somewhere!
**[02:25] Nezu**
Want me to call you from my phone?
**[02:28] Mashiro**
Ooh, thanks! And sorry for slaughtering you!
**[02:31] Mashiro**
Please be in the room.
**[02:33] Nezu**
Let's see...
Passcode: eight, nine, three...
***SIGN*** Enter passcode
**[02:39] Nezu**
It ain't like that!
I got permission, I swear!
**[02:42] Nagumo**
Can you do that outside? You're gonna
turn the office into a passage to hell.
**[02:47] Mashiro**
I don't hear it.
**[02:49] Nezu**
You didn't leave it on silent mode, did you?
**[02:51] Mashiro**
I don't think so.
**[02:54] Mashiro**
I must've dropped it somewhere outside.
**[02:57] Thief**
*Hello?*
**[02:58] Mashiro**
Someone answered.
**[02:59] Mashiro**
Oh, hello? I'm the owner of that smartphone.
**[03:03] Mashiro**
Thank you for picking it up for me!
**[03:06] Thief**
* Sure, I picked it up, but don't go thinking*
* I'll give it back to you for free.*
**[03:12] Mashiro**
Huh?
**[03:13] Thief**
What kinda idiot uses "0000"
for their passcode?
**[03:16] Thief**
But y'know, you're pretty cute, Mashiro-chan.
**[03:20] Mashiro**
*You know...*
**[03:22] Mashiro**
You might want to choose
your words more carefully.
**[03:26] Nezu**
I'd like it if you could handle
my phone more carefully.
**[03:30] Thief**
* A schoolgirl's phone is full of secrets.*
* You need it back, don't you?*
**[03:35] Thief**
Oh, and I turned off location services,
so don't bother trying to track it down.
**[03:39] Thief**
If you play my game, though,
I might be willing to return it to you.
**[03:44] Thief**
I'm about to—
**[03:48] Thief**
* Okay, what kinda girl instantly tries to*
* curse someone to death over the phone?*
**[03:52] Nagumo**
Seriously, stop putting weird spiritual
attributes on things in the office.
**[03:56] Mashiro**
All that spit you just cheerfully
released into the air
**[04:00] Mashiro**
will turn into 10,000 lances
that will pierce your heart.
**[04:03] Nagumo**
What conversation ends
in that kind of abuse?
**[04:06] Nezu**
They're talking about a smartphone, right?
**[04:08] Mashiro**
Well? What's your game?
**[04:10] Thief**
*The rules are simple.*
**[04:12] Thief**
In six hours, I'm going to throw out
your phone somewhere.
**[04:17] Thief**
* I'll give you ten hints*
* about where I discarded it,*
**[04:20] Thief**
* but you'll need to complete the missions*
* I give you to receive the hints.*
**[04:25] Thief**
* Complete as many missions as you can*
* and find your way to your phone.*
**[04:31] Mashiro**
Fine.
**[04:33] Mashiro**
And what's the first mission?
**[04:35] Thief**
* I'll give you something easy*
* for the first one.*
**[04:39] Referee**
Hakkeyoi!
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100
***SIGN*** Mission 1
Win the City Sumo Tournament
**[04:42] Commentator**
* Wow! The last-minute entry,*
* Mashiro, is holding her own!*
**[04:46] Commentator**
* The high schooler is locked in a grapple with*
* a member of an imperial university sumo club.*
**[04:50] Nezu**
This seems kinda heavy for her first mission.
**[04:53] Nagumo**
What's that thief after, anyway?
**[04:57] Commentator**
* Mashiro is holding up*
* against that overarm throw!*
**[05:00] Commentator**
*In fact, she's somehow airborne!*
**[05:02] Commentator**
* She's seized total supremacy*
* of the air over this ring!*
**[05:06] Commentator**
* Now she's smiling as*
* she lifts 120 kg with one arm!*
**[05:11] Commentator**
* And she's railroading him*
* straight out of the ring!*
**[05:14] Mashiro**
Yeah, baby!
**[05:16] Commentator**
* And the winner is the*
* last-minute entry, Mashiro.*
**[05:20] Commentator**
* Also, it's kinda late to ask,*
* but is that how you wear the mawashi?!*
**[05:23] Commentator**
*Who would you like to share your joy with?*
**[05:26] Mashiro**
The local old lady who threw
a bunch of hyuganatsu at me
**[05:29] Mashiro**
when I was playing baseball
at the pet cemetery.
**[05:31] Commentator**
*Why a noisy old lady?*
**[05:35] Nagumo**
Good job, Mashiro.
**[05:37] Nezu**
I knew you could do it, big sis!
**[05:39] Thief**
* I never imagined you'd*
* complete that so naturally.*
**[05:42] Mashiro**
Okay, what's the next mission?
**[05:44] Thief**
*R-Right. Your next mission is...*
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100
***SIGN*** Mission 2
Removing a Hornet Nest
**[05:50] Nezu**
This scene seems oddly familiar.
**[05:53] Mashiro**
Don't they say you can die
if you get stung by a bee twice?
**[05:56] Nagumo**
Yeah, something like that.
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100
***SIGN*** ° Anaphylactic Shock
**[06:01] Mashiro**
Screw it! I'm going in!
**[06:03] Nezu**
Big sis, at least wear protective gear!
**[06:05] Nagumo**
And you don't need the honey dipper.
**[06:07] Mashiro**
Piece o' cake.
**[06:09] Nezu**
Whoa! Your face looks bad, big sis!
**[06:11] Nagumo**
You look like a potato that's been
spoiled by organic farming.
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100
***SIGN*** Mission 3
**[06:18] Onlooker1**
There's someone under the Aqua-Line!
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100
***SIGN*** Swim the Butterfly
Across Tokyo Bay
**[06:20] Onlooker2**
Is that what the Umihotaru
rest area is there for?
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100
***SIGN*** Mission 4
**[06:24] Mashiro**
Please!
**[06:26] Mashiro**
Please buy this ballpoint pen
for 10,000 yen! I'm begging you!
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100
***SIGN*** Sell 100 Ballpoint Pens to
Passersby for 10,000 Yen Each
**[06:31] Employee**
What?!
**[06:31] Mashiro**
I'm flat broke!
**[06:33] Mashiro**
My starving brethren are awaiting
my return in a V formation!
**[06:38] Employee**
In a defensive formation?
What are they expecting?!
**[06:41] Mashiro**
Please help me out!
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100
***SIGN*** Mission 5
Win an Eating Contest
**[06:44] Commentator**
*Ten seconds remain.*
**[06:46] Commentator**
* Mashiro only needs to finish*
* one more plate to win,*
**[06:48] Commentator**
* but is it too much for her?*
* She's not going for it.*
**[06:52] Commentator**
*Ouch! That look of anguish!*
**[06:55] Commentator**
*She looks like Tom H°nks in
*The Green M°le *when he had that UTI!**
**[07:01] Commentator**
* But she's finished it off*
* through sheer willpower!*
**[07:03] Commentator**
*The last-minute entry, Mashiro, is the winner!*
**[07:06] Commentator**
* The sopping-wet, loincloth-clad woman*
* of many faces makes a stunning comeback!*
**[07:12] Thief**
Wh-What the hell is with that chick?
**[07:14] Thief**
What will it take to break her?!
**[07:17] Maki**
Master, here's your coffee.
**[07:20] Maki**
You prefer it black, yes?
**[07:22] Asunaro**
Yes, thank you.
**[07:24] Maki**
What's the matter? You look lost in thought.
**[07:27] Maki**
Are you looking at
some obscene website again?
**[07:30] Asunaro**
Yeah.
**[07:32] Asunaro**
See? Check this out!
Isn't the way hippos defecate amazing?
**[07:34] Maki**
Hey! Why are you watching
such a disgusting video?!
**[07:38] Asunaro**
I'm just kidding.
**[07:39] Asunaro**
I was reading an article on a serial "smartphone
molester" who's been hitting this area.
***SIGN*** Malicious demands with indecent motives
in serial smartphone molestations
**[07:44] Maki**
Oh, about those young women
losing their smartphones?
**[07:49] Asunaro**
Some guy claims he's found
the woman's smartphone,
**[07:51] Asunaro**
then gives her impossible tasks
to complete to get it back.
**[07:56] Asunaro**
And after he's had his fun
toying with the woman,
**[07:58] Asunaro**
she's lost all strength and rational thought,
making her easy prey for the man to attack.
**[08:05] Maki**
This man is definitely stealing
the smartphones, then.
**[08:08] Asunaro**
Most likely.
**[08:09] Maki**
He probably watches the suffering woman
from fairly close by.
**[08:13] Maki**
What a deplorable sadist.
**[08:15] Maki**
Scum. Trash. Garbage.
Glasses. Hakama wearer.
**[08:19] Asunaro**
Did you just seamlessly turn that
into insults against me?
**[08:22] Asunaro**
Still, would women really go through
all that just for their phones?
**[08:25] Maki**
Well, of course.
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100
***SIGN*** Mission 6
Earn 100,000 Yen
Doing Pantomime
**[08:28] Maki**
To a girl, someone seeing your smartphone
**[08:30] Maki**
is only just behind being seen naked
on the humiliation scale.
***SIGN*** Money
Goes Here
**[08:35] Man1**
Wow. How is she holding that pose?
**[08:38] Man2**
Is she really human?
**[08:39] Woman**
I'll give her money.
**[08:42] Thief**
Tsk. This chick's a lost cause.
**[08:48] Thief**
She's not losing heart at all.
She's actually *completing* the tasks.
**[08:52] Thief**
What I want to see is
her face all distorted in agony.
**[08:56] Thief**
I might as well just toss
her phone somewhere and...
**[08:59] Thief**
Huh? It's gone.
**[09:01] Fuu**
Hey, mister.
**[09:03] Fuu**
You dropped your phone.
**[09:05] Fuu**
Just kidding.
**[09:07] Fuu**
I'm a good pickpocket, too, aren't I?
**[09:10] Thief**
Wh-Who are you?
**[09:11] Fuu**
Found the thief.
**[09:13] Fuu**
Prepare to launch!
**[09:15] Thief**
"Th-Thief"? And what are you launching?
**[09:20] Nagumo**
Oh, Fuu-chan says she found the thief.
**[09:22] Mashiro**
That little shit saves the day again!
**[09:24] Nezu**
What? How did she find him?
**[09:26] Mashiro**
I figured he'd be nearby to make sure
I was completing his missions,
**[09:31] Mashiro**
so I asked her to swipe the smartphones
off of any shady-looking guys around.
**[09:36] Nezu**
A-All of them?
**[09:38] Mashiro**
She secretly returns them
if the owner's innocent, of course.
**[09:41] Nezu**
So are you going to let Fuu-chan
take care of the thief?
**[09:45] Nezu**
Won't that put her in danger?
**[09:46] Mashiro**
Aw, she'll be fine. After all...
***SIGN*** Solanine
**[09:51] Mashiro**
She has a guardian with her.
**[09:54] Thief**
They're like the Tog*ro Brothers in
a timeline where shame doesn't exist!
**[10:00] Thief**
You won't catch me.
**[10:02] Thief**
I doubt that hulk can run very fast.
***SIGN*** Lycorine
***SIGN*** Solanine
**[10:05] Thief**
Okay, his movements go beyond
the very concept of speed!
**[10:08] Nipple Tasting Man**
Tasting time.
***SIGN*** Tasting
***SIGN*** (of Lethal
Poisons)
***SIGN*** Solanine
***SIGN*** Lycorine
***SIGN*** Solanine
**[10:11] Nipple Tasting Man**
And now for seconds.
***SIGN*** Seconds
(of Lethal
Poisons)
***SIGN*** Lycorine
**[10:13] Fuu**
Hey, you've got a pretty good job, huh?
**[10:16] Fuu**
Adachi Koitaro-san, age thirty-four, single.
**[10:20] Thief**
Wh-When did you get my wallet?
**[10:23] Fuu**
I'm gonna give this to my dad, okay?
**[10:25] Fuu**
Oh, and just so you know,
my dad's a policeman.
***SIGN*** Nagumo Detective Agency
**[10:33] Mashiro**
Whew, what a relief!
**[10:35] Mashiro**
My smartphone came home.
**[10:38] Mashiro**
Thank you, Fuu-chan!
**[10:40] Fuu**
Stay away from me, ugly!
**[10:41] Nipple Tasting Man**
Do try to keep it more secure in the future.
**[10:44] Nagumo**
Hey, Tasting-san,
what happened to your nipples?
**[10:47] Nipple Tasting Man**
Bacteria from that thief's mouth
gave me a rash.
**[10:51] Mashiro**
That afro bastard gave us
trouble to the end.
**[10:53] Nezu**
Why do you think he had an afro, anyway?
It didn't even look good on him.
***SIGN*** m 0 0 l 100 0 100 100 0 100
***SIGN*** A Day
Earlier
**[11:00] Azuha**
What?
**[11:01] (Flashback) Azuha**
Did I drop my phone?
**[11:05] (Flashback) Thief**
This one's a beauty.
**[11:07] (Flashback) Thief**
Now, how should I make her suffer?
**[11:10] (Flashback) Azuha**
Man, this sucks.
It had all my personal info on it.
**[11:15] (Flashback) Azuha**
Oh well. I'll just blow it up.
**[11:19] Mashiro NAR**
*And that's how he ended up with an afro.*
***SIGN*** Nagumo Detective Agency
**[11:25] Mashiro**
♫ Happy birthday, old dude ♫
**[11:29] Mashiro**
♫ Happy birthday, old dude ♫
**[11:34] Mashiro**
♫ Happy birthday, dear Nagumo ♫
**[11:38] Nagumo**
No honorifics at all now, huh?
***SIGN*** Happy Birthday
**[11:40] Mashiro**
♫ Happy birthday to you! ♫
**[11:46] Nagumo**
I almost feel bad about this.
**[11:48] Nagumo**
You threw a birthday party
for an old dude like me?
**[11:51] Mashiro**
Go on. Blow out the candles. All in one go.
**[11:54] Nagumo**
R-Right.
***SIGN*** Happy Birthday
**[12:04] Nagumo**
Hang on. Mind if I lie down for a bit?
**[12:07] Mashiro**
You're short on oxygen and
you didn't even blow them out?
**[12:10] Mashiro**
Okay, I'll blow them out. Here I go!
**[12:12] Nagumo**
Wait! I have a bad feeling about...
***SIGN*** Nagumo Detective Agency
**[12:16] Nagumo**
I knew it!
**[12:18] Maki**
This is the real one.
**[12:20] Maki**
I had a hunch this would happen,
so I switched it out with a toy cake.
**[12:24] Asunaro**
That's my Maki-chan.
***SIGN*** Maki-chan and Asunaro
**[12:31] Nagumo**
This cake is great.
It's not too sweet at all.
**[12:35] Maki**
I'm glad you like it.
**[12:37] Maki**
I chose one with a more subtle
sweetness to suit your tastes.
**[12:42] Maki**
I'll switch out your coffee for a warm one.
**[12:45] Maki**
And I'll get you a fresh hot towel.
**[12:47] Nagumo**
Oh, I can do that for myself.
**[12:50] Maki**
No, you're the star of the day.
You can stay seated.
**[12:53] Maki**
This special day only comes once a year.
**[12:56] Nagumo**
Man, I wonder where he found
such a thoughtful assistant.
**[13:01] Mashiro**
Don't look at me while you say that.
**[13:03] Mashiro**
I happen to believe I'm *very* thoughtful!
**[13:06] Nagumo**
Uh, I've never seen anyone *less* thoughtful!
**[13:09] Nagumo**
And how do you get cake *there*, anyway?
**[13:11] Mashiro**
Oh, right.
**[13:13] Asunaro**
Maki-chan was selected in an audition.
**[13:16] Nagumo**
An audition?
**[13:17] Asunaro**
When my popularity skyrocketed,
**[13:20] Asunaro**
I decided it was time
to start up my own business,
**[13:24] Asunaro**
so I talked to someone I know
who's a producer for a TV network.
**[13:30] (Flashback) Producer FB**
How about we run a large-scale TV campaign
and have candidates compete for the position?
**[13:36] (Flashback) Asunaro FB**
Hmm... You think any decent
candidates will apply that way?
**[13:39] (Flashback) Producer FB**
Trust me, it'll work. It'll get your name out
there even more, too! How can you go wrong?
**[13:45] (Flashback) Producer FB**
How about five million
for your appearance fee?
**[13:47] (Flashback) Asunaro FB**
Hmm... Five million, you say?
**[13:49] Mashiro**
What?! Who would hesitate
to agree to five million?!
**[13:52] Mashiro**
The old dude would run around naked
**[13:55] Mashiro**
and lick the producer's shoes
until they dissolved for that amount!
**[13:58] Asunaro**
Nagumo-sensei would never do such a thing!
**[14:01] Nagumo**
Actually, I would.
**[14:02] Asunaro**
Sensei?!
**[14:03] Mashiro**
Well? What happened after that?
**[14:06] Mashiro**
I wanna know more! Tell me!
**[14:08] Asunaro**
Sure. In that case...
**[14:10] Asunaro**
Asunaro Theater, Act 1:
***SIGN*** Asunaro Theater
***SIGN*** Act 1
***SIGN*** The First
Meeting
**[14:15] Asunaro**
The First Meeting.
**[14:16] Mashiro**
This suddenly got obnoxious.
***SIGN*** Asunaro's Partner Is You!: Public Audition for Assistant
**[14:19] (Flashback) Producer FB**
Dang, look at that turnout!
**[14:22] (Flashback) Asunaro FB**
Do they really want to be my assistant,
or are they just fans?
**[14:27] (Flashback) Producer FB**
Who cares who your assistant is,
as long as she's cute?
**[14:30] (Flashback) Producer FB**
Just pick the one who's closest
to your ideal woman.
**[14:35] (Flashback) Producer FB**
We'll narrow it down
with a true-or-false quiz,
**[14:37] (Flashback) Producer FB**
then comes the swimsuit contest,
then the karaoke contest...
**[14:46] Asunaro FB INT**
* Is this really how I should be*
* choosing my assistant?*
**[14:50] Asunaro FB INT**
* Being a detective's assistant is dangerous work.*
* A half-hearted approach won't cut it.*
**[14:55] Asunaro FB INT**
* Some of these people might genuinely want*
* the position, but how do I find out for sure?*
**[15:02] MC FB**
*And now, the man you've all been waiting for:*
**[15:05] MC FB**
*the genius high school detective
who surpasses even Nagumo Keiichiro,*
**[15:08] MC FB**
*Asunaro Yuu-kun!*
**[15:13] (Flashback) Asunaro FB**
So, um, thank you all for coming today.
**[15:17] (Flashback) Asunaro FB**
There's one thing I need to tell you
before we begin the audition.
**[15:21] (Flashback) Asunaro FB**
I've been lying to you all this time.
**[15:25] (Flashback) Producer FB**
What? This isn't in the script.
**[15:28] (Flashback) Asunaro FB**
The truth is...
**[15:31] (Flashback) Asunaro FB**
This is what I actually look like.
**[15:37] (Flashback) Asunaro FB**
So if any of you want to be my assistant
even though I look like this...
**[15:48] (Flashback) Asunaro FB**
Yeah, that's what I expected.
**[15:50] (Flashback) Producer FB**
Dude! What the hell was that, Asunaro-kun?!
**[15:53] (Flashback) Asunaro FB**
I just screened out the candidates
who are fans of mine.
**[15:57] (Flashback) Asunaro FB**
Of course, anyone who couldn't
see through such a simple disguise
**[16:00] (Flashback) Asunaro FB**
isn't fit to be my assistant, anyway.
**[16:02] (Flashback) Producer FB**
But that's no reason to fail all of them!
**[16:05] (Flashback) Producer FB**
What're you gonna do now?!
**[16:07] (Flashback) Asunaro FB**
It is what it is. I'll just start
from square one and...
**[16:13] (Flashback) Maki FB**
We aren't doing the audition?
**[16:18] (Flashback) Asunaro FB**
No, we're resuming right now.
**[16:20] (Flashback) Asunaro FB**
But may I ask one question first?
**[16:22] (Flashback) Maki FB**
Of course.
**[16:23] (Flashback) Asunaro FB**
Why didn't you leave?
**[16:26] (Flashback) Maki FB**
Weren't you shocked when you saw my face?
**[16:28] (Flashback) Maki FB**
I knew right away it was a disguise.
**[16:31] (Flashback) Maki FB**
I'm very good at seeing through lies.
**[16:34] (Flashback) Maki FB**
Besides, it doesn't matter what you look like.
**[16:37] (Flashback) Maki FB**
As long as I get paid,
that's good enough for me.
**[16:42] (Flashback) Asunaro FB**
You pass.
**[16:43] (Flashback) Producer FB**
Wha—Asunaro-kun?!
**[16:45] (Flashback) Asunaro FB**
Hup.
**[16:47] (Flashback) Asunaro FB**
Would you start by telling me your name?
**[16:50] (Flashback) Maki FB**
Kazamaki Hana.
**[16:51] (Flashback) Maki FB**
And how shall I address you?
**[16:54] (Flashback) Asunaro FB**
Well, let's see... You can call me "Master."
**[16:59] (Flashback) Asunaro FB**
Today is the joyous day of
the Asunaro Detective Agency's founding.
**[17:03] (Flashback) Asunaro FB**
I look forward to working with you, Hana-san.
**[17:05] (Flashback) Asunaro FB**
Let's have fun. What do you say?
**[17:09] (Flashback) Maki FB**
You can't hold a job forever
just because it's fun.
**[17:12] (Flashback) Maki FB**
I look forward to working with you, Master.
**[17:16] Asunaro**
So that's how we met.
**[17:19] Mashiro**
Wow, Maki-chan, you were so cool!
**[17:21] Maki**
Master, please! Don't tell them
such ridiculous things.
**[17:24] Mashiro**
So why did you decide to be
a detective's assistant, Maki-chan?
**[17:29] Maki**
W-Well, I...
**[17:31] Maki**
I always wanted to work in the background
supporting the one in the limelight.
**[17:36] Asunaro**
Oh, come on. You wanted to work
for *me* specifically, didn't you?
**[17:41] Maki**
You don't have any action commands other than
"excrete" and "sexually harass," do you, Master?
**[17:46] Asunaro**
That's the meanest one I've heard in a while!
**[17:48] Asunaro**
Oh, that's right.
**[17:49] Asunaro**
I wanted to hear your story,
too, Nagumo-sensei.
**[17:53] Asunaro**
Like the day you started up this office.
**[17:55] Mashiro**
Ooh! I don't know about that, either. Tell us!
**[17:58] Nagumo**
Aw, jeez. All right, then.
**[18:01] Nagumo**
How did the genius Nagumo come to be?
***SIGN*** How Did the Genius Nagumo Come to Be?
**[18:07] Mashiro**
This is just as obnoxious as the last one.
**[18:11] (Flashback) Nagumo FB**
Wow, this really is a nice property.
**[18:14] (Flashback) Staff1 FB**
Isn't it? It has all the latest
modern conveniences.
**[18:17] Mashiro**
Wait, wait, wait!
What *is* that grotesque creature?!
**[18:20] Nagumo**
Oh, uh, I don't remember his face too well.
***SIGN*** Realtors
**[18:24] (Flashback) Staff1 FB**
We'll take care of the paperwork in here.
**[18:27] (Flashback) Staff2 FB**
Have some tea.
**[18:29] (Flashback) Staff3 FB**
If you'll just look over these documents...
**[18:32] (Flashback) Staff4 FB**
Um, please sign this autograph board for me.
**[18:34] Mashiro**
Is this some kind of fever dream?!
**[18:37] Nagumo**
So I signed a bunch of paperwork,
and opened my office here.
**[18:42] (Flashback) Nagumo FB**
All right. Let's do this!
**[18:45] (Flashback) Nagumo FB**
I'll be the best detective in Japan.
**[18:47] Mashiro**
Why is even your own model
drifting off into obscurity?
**[18:51] Nagumo**
Been a while since I used
my head that much. I'm beat.
**[18:54] Nagumo**
I'm gonna lie down for a bit.
**[18:56] Mashiro**
You're really on the brink,
aren't you, old dude?
**[18:59] Mashiro**
Well, he's a lost cause.
Tell me more of your story.
**[19:03] Asunaro**
All right. How about the story
of our first job together?
**[19:07] Asunaro**
Asunaro Theater, Act 2:
***SIGN*** Asunaro Theater
***SIGN*** Act 2
***SIGN*** Getting
Closer
**[19:12] Asunaro**
Getting Closer.
**[19:13] Mashiro**
Are you required to use
these obnoxious episode titles?
**[19:17] (Flashback) Robber FB**
Don't move a muscle!
**[19:20] (Flashback) Asunaro FB**
Goodness. I didn't know our first job
together would be this tough.
**[19:25] (Flashback) Maki FB**
Until the police get here,
we should ensure the safety of the hostage,
**[19:30] (Flashback) Maki FB**
and make sure the criminal doesn't get away.
**[19:35] (Flashback) Maki FB**
I'll handle this.
**[19:37] (Flashback) Asunaro FB**
Wait, Hana-san?
**[19:39] (Flashback) Robber FB**
What are you doing? Stay back!
**[19:42] (Flashback) Maki FB**
Would you take me as your hostage instead?
**[19:47] (Flashback) Robber FB**
Say what?
**[19:48] (Flashback) Maki FB**
As a woman, I'm weaker, so you won't
have to worry about me resisting.
**[19:53] (Flashback) Maki FB**
What do you say?
**[19:58] (Flashback) Robber FB**
Well, the man you're with
had better not move.
**[20:03] (Flashback) Hostage FB**
Thank you so much!
**[20:07] (Flashback) Robber FB**
Okay.
**[20:08] (Flashback) Robber FB**
Start up the getaway car.
**[20:11] (Flashback) Asunaro FB**
Oh, the police are already here.
**[20:13] (Flashback) Robber FB**
What?!
**[20:14] (Flashback) Robber FB**
No way! They're here already?
**[20:18] (Flashback) Robber FB**
Wh-What? You were lying?
**[20:21] (Flashback) Robber FB**
There aren't any poli—
**[20:25] (Flashback) Maki FB**
M-Master? What are you doing?
**[20:30] (Flashback) Asunaro FB**
I got a good kick in there, huh?
**[20:32] (Flashback) Maki FB**
If we'd waited a few more minutes, the police
would've arrived and wrapped it up nicely.
**[20:36] (Flashback) Asunaro FB**
But that would've kept you
in danger even longer.
**[20:39] (Flashback) Maki FB**
That gun he has is fake. You didn't notice?
**[20:43] (Flashback) Asunaro FB**
Of course I did.
**[20:44] (Flashback) Maki FB**
Then, why...
**[20:46] (Flashback) Asunaro FB**
Why?
**[20:48] (Flashback) Asunaro FB**
Even if the gun was fake, my precious
assistant was still at risk of injury.
**[20:58] (Flashback) Asunaro FB**
I'm truly glad you weren't hurt.
**[21:01] (Flashback) Maki FB**
Have you ever been called
a womanizer, Master?
**[21:04] (Flashback) Asunaro FB**
What's this? Have you fallen in love with me?
**[21:06] (Flashback) Maki FB**
Take one more step,
and I'll sue you for sexual harassment.
**[21:13] Mashiro**
That almost makes you seem
legit heroic. How infuriating.
**[21:17] Asunaro**
I don't just *seem* heroic. I *am* heroic!
**[21:22] Maki**
Oh, come on. Isn't that
enough talk about the past?
**[21:25] Maki**
Well, Master? Are you having any cake?
**[21:27] Asunaro**
Okay, you can feed it to me.
**[21:29] Maki**
Please don't get ahead of yourself.
**[21:34] Mashiro INT**
*Maki-chan really is amazing.*
**[21:36] Mashiro INT**
*Asunaro must've been so happy.*
**[21:39] Mashiro INT**
* I wonder if there's anything more*
* I can do for the old dude.*
**[21:59] Mashiro**
Okay, for starters,
don't sleep through your own birthday!
**[22:05] Nagumo**
Water. Get me some water, please.
***SIGN*** Next Time
***SIGN*** Catch the
Sneak Photographer!
***SIGN*** The Bullet Bride
# 10 - Catch the Sneak Photographer! / The Bullet Bride
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/series/G79H23Z93/detectives-these-days-are-crazy)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:04] Mashiro**
I'll leave your tea here.
**[00:09] Mashiro**
What're you looking at, anyway?
**[00:12] Mashiro**
Eek! You pervert!
**[00:15] Mashiro**
Skipping work to smack your lips over
naked women in broad daylight on a weekday?!
**[00:19] Mashiro**
Your whole family tree of ancestors
will come back to curse you!
**[00:22] Nagumo**
Wait, hang on. You've got it all wrong.
**[00:24] Mashiro**
Hello, Azuha-san?
**[00:26] Mashiro**
Can you invent some pliers for crushing
the testicles of sex maniacs?
**[00:29] Nagumo**
What the hell? Even the devil would click
his tongue and veto that as a torture device.
**[00:34] Mashiro**
Oh, you've already made more than you
have any use for? Then, gimme one.
**[00:37] Nagumo**
Don't keep a stock of those.
**[00:39] Mashiro**
I bet you only see me as an outlet
for your lewd fantasies, don't you?
**[00:43] Mashiro**
Frankly, I can feel your dreary gaze
on me all the time.
**[00:47] Nagumo**
I'd get more turned on looking
at the Virgo sign than at you. Seriously.
**[00:52] Mashiro**
Get at least a *little* bit aroused, damn it!
***SIGN*** Detectives
These Days
Are Crazy!
***SIGN*** Catch the
Sneak Photographer!
**[02:32] Mashiro**
What? This was for work?
**[02:34] Nagumo**
Of course it was.
**[02:35] Nagumo**
A water park called Sunday Land
asked for my help.
**[02:39] Nagumo**
Seems a sneak photographer
has been showing up at their pool.
**[02:43] Nagumo**
He calls himself Uncle Scoop,
and he sells the photos online.
**[02:48] Nagumo**
They can't turn to the police,
**[02:50] Nagumo**
because they don't want the scandal
to hurt the park's reputation.
**[02:54] Nagumo**
So the sneak photographer
has the run of the place right now.
**[02:59] Mashiro**
I seriously can't stand sneak photographers.
I'll find the creep and kill him.
**[03:03] Nagumo**
Don't squeeze voodoo dolls
over my brand-new leather shoes.
**[03:09] Nagumo**
Killing's out of the question,
but I hate what he's doing as much as you do.
**[03:12] Mashiro**
Ooh, are we gonna
go undercover at the pool?
**[03:15] Nagumo**
Yeah. We're gonna catch Uncle Scoop.
**[03:18] Mashiro**
Sweet!
**[03:22] Nagumo**
I used to chase sneak photographers
around all the time.
**[03:26] Nagumo**
Brings back memories. Those were the days.
**[03:30] Nagumo**
Oh, I had a dentist appointment today.
**[03:32] Mashiro INT**
* He can only salvage*
* his most recent memories now.*
**[03:36] Nagumo**
So yeah, you'll wanna
get your swimsuit ready.
**[03:40] Mashiro**
Ooh, what should I do?
I wonder if my old one still fits.
**[03:44] Azuha**
Hey, fresh young HS girl.
**[03:45] Azuha**
I brought you that testicle crusher.
**[03:47] Mashiro**
Azuha-san, wanna come
to the pool with us tomorrow?
**[03:49] Azuha**
Oh, totally!
**[03:52] Nagumo**
That looks more like
it'd cut off the whole nutsack!
**[04:02] Mashiro**
Sheesh.
**[04:03] Mashiro**
I just don't get why all these young guys
and girls like running around nearly naked.
**[04:08] Nagumo**
I'm feeling shock and fear
in parallel right now.
**[04:12] Nagumo**
What the hell are you wearing?!
**[04:14] Mashiro**
All my swimsuits are
really brightly colored,
**[04:18] Mashiro**
so I went for a mostly black one
to draw less attention.
**[04:20] Nagumo**
Every single eye in here is on you, doofus.
**[04:23] Nagumo**
Go change right now.
**[04:24] Azuha**
Man, gotta love the pool, though.
**[04:28] Azuha**
Bouncing female bodies.
**[04:29] Azuha**
Glistening muscles.
**[04:30] Azuha**
Shady guys with cameras.
**[04:32] Mashiro**
*You're* the bad guy, you shitbag yakuza!
**[04:34] Nezu**
Death!
***SIGN*** Fin
***SIGN*** Production & Copyright
**[04:38] Nezu**
I'm not, I swear. Just hear me out.
**[04:41] Nagumo**
You seem desperate, Nezu-kun.
**[04:43] Nezu**
Well, yeah! I've been falsely accused.
**[04:46] Nezu**
Huh? What's that?
**[04:47] Azuha**
A testicle crusher.
**[04:50] Nezu**
Uh, no, that's a weapon for cutting!
**[04:52] Mashiro**
Enough whining.
It's off to the police with you!
**[04:54] Nezu**
Hang on, please! I heard about the sneak
photographer, too! I'm here to catch him!
**[04:59] Nezu**
This camera is for capturing evidence!
**[05:02] Nezu**
I've only taken a *few* pictures of women!
**[05:05] Mashiro**
You've taken at least five!
**[05:07] Mashiro**
I'll scatter your ashes near
an all-girls high school for you.
**[05:13] Lifeguard**
*No jumping in, please.*
**[05:15] Nagumo**
For the love of...
**[05:17] Asunaro**
Oh, Sensei, it's you.
**[05:20] Nagumo**
Asunaro-kun and Maki-san?
**[05:22] Maki**
Um, h-hello.
**[05:24] Mashiro**
Oh, hey, it's the idiot.
**[05:26] Asunaro**
And why are you in a wetsuit?
**[05:29] Azuha**
Long time no see, Hana-san.
**[05:31] Maki**
Azuha-san.
**[05:32] Azuha**
Ain't seen ya since booze shut down your brain
and you spilled all your bodily secrets.
**[05:36] Maki**
I really wish you'd forget about that.
**[05:40] Nagumo**
You're after the sneak photographer, too?
**[05:42] Maki**
Yes, the park asked us for help.
**[05:44] Mashiro**
I hate to do this to Maki-chan, but we'll be
taking the credit for this one, idiot.
**[05:50] Asunaro**
I overlooked you calling me that
the first time, but I'd say *you're* the idiot.
**[05:56] Maki**
I wish those two would
get along a little better.
**[06:00] Azuha**
Say, Hana-san.
**[06:01] Maki**
Yes?
**[06:02] Azuha**
That stuff I gave you to increase
your bust size didn't work, huh?
**[06:06] Maki**
What?!
**[06:06] Maki**
I'd considered it a success
since I'd gone up one size,
**[06:11] Maki**
but I guess it was a wasted effort?
**[06:13] Maki**
Ah, I suddenly feel embarrassed to be showing
so much skin around all these teenagers.
**[06:18] Azuha**
I'll give you something stronger next time.
**[06:21] Guest**
Hold it right there, you!
**[06:22] Guests**
The sneak photographer!
**[06:23] Guests**
Catch him!
**[06:25] Nagumo**
Mashiro!
**[06:25] Maki**
Master!
**[06:27] Asunaro**
I know what you said earlier,
but we should work together now as pros.
**[06:30] Asunaro**
I'll go in from the left.
**[06:32] Mashiro**
Yeah, got it. Azuha-san, use the stuff.
**[06:35] Azuha**
Roger.
***SIGN*** Powdered Skating Rink
**[06:37] Azuha**
Powdered Skating Rink!
**[06:40] Nagumo**
This is the first time I've ever seen
anyone reuse a Br**th Care container.
**[06:44] Azuha**
Allow me to explain. At first glance,
it looks like ordinary powder. However!
**[06:49] Azuha**
When it reacts with water,
it expands in size by dozens of times,
**[06:52] Azuha**
transforming into a highly viscous jelly.
**[06:54] Azuha**
In other words...
**[06:56] Azuha**
When scattered over a wet poolside...
**[06:58] Azuha**
it instantly transforms
into a slippery skating rink,
**[07:04] Azuha**
crushing the skulls of any fools on it!
**[07:07] Maki**
Oh, no! What a disaster!
**[07:09] Azuha**
Oops. I guess my throw wasn't
strong enough to reach the bad guy.
**[07:13] PhotographerA**
What's with these guys?
Now's my chance!
**[07:16] Nagumo**
Oh, that guy's acting weird.
**[07:18] Nagumo**
You're not getting away.
**[07:20] PhotographerA**
What? Shit!
**[07:22] Nagumo**
Why don't you hand over that camera?
**[07:25] Nagumo**
Well, well. Just look at these.
**[07:27] Nezu**
You're one nasty baddie, ain't ya?
**[07:31] Nagumo**
Maki-san.
**[07:32] Maki**
Yes?
**[07:33] Nagumo**
This guy isn't Uncle Scoop.
**[07:36] Nagumo**
The real culprit is someone else.
**[07:39] Mashiro**
What? But how can you tell?
**[07:42] Maki**
Mashiro-chan, how did you respawn so quickly?
**[07:45] Nezu**
She's like those trash NPCs
that spawn perpetually.
**[07:48] Nagumo**
Look at this guy's photos.
Not a single one has someone changing in it.
**[07:53] Nagumo**
This is a completely different kind of fetish.
**[07:57] Mashiro**
You mean someone else is
the real sneak photographer?
**[07:59] Nagumo**
Right.
**[08:00] Mashiro**
Then, we gotta find him, quick!
**[08:03] Nezu**
Hey, should we just leave Asunaro there?
**[08:05] Maki**
He's breathing on his own. He'll be fine.
**[08:08] Nagumo**
You triage like someone in a major disaster.
**[08:11] Mashiro**
Still, we noticed that pig
because he was careless,
**[08:16] Mashiro**
but aren't most sneak photographers
almost impossible to pinpoint?
**[08:19] Maki**
That's true.
**[08:21] Maki**
With smartphone technology
getting so advanced,
**[08:23] Maki**
sneak photographers
get sneakier by the year.
**[08:26] Azuha**
Cameras keep getting smaller, too.
**[08:28] Azuha**
Even things like pens and glasses
can be rigged with them.
**[08:31] Azuha**
So what now, Mr. Nagumo?
**[08:33] Nagumo**
I guess we'll just have to keep an eye out
for anything that seems off.
**[08:37] Mashiro**
Well, it is what it is.
**[08:40] Mashiro**
I'll just have to literally...
**[08:42] Mashiro**
peel off a layer or two!
**[08:46] Mashiro**
Monopolizing the gaze of every male with
bare skin more priceless than a bamboo flower,
**[08:51] Mashiro**
the dazzling-as-hell high school girl
offers herself as bait,
**[08:54] Mashiro**
so that the sneak photographer
will be unable to resist snapping a shot.
**[08:57] Mashiro**
Just make sure you nab him
when he does, and it's case closed.
**[09:01] Mashiro**
Well, go on. Keep mashing that shutter button
until your reflector plate cracks.
**[09:07] Mashiro**
Go on.
**[09:09] Mashiro**
Go on.
**[09:11] Mashiro**
Go on.
**[09:13] Mashiro**
Go on.
**[09:15] Mashiro**
Go on.
**[09:23] PhotographerA**
Hey, an *Anax parthenope*.
***SIGN*** Who,
me?!
***SIGN*** Who,
me?!
***SIGN*** Take the
damn
photo!
**[09:25] Mashiro**
Take the damn photo!
***SIGN*** Who,
me?!
***SIGN*** Take the
damn
photo!
**[09:27] PhotographerA**
Who, me?!
**[09:28] Mashiro**
How does a gorgeous HS girl
lose to a dragonfly?!
**[09:32] Mashiro**
Why isn't anyone taking my picture?!
You dumbasses!
**[09:34] Mashiro**
I'm the cutest one here and you know it!
**[09:36] GuyA**
Wh-What's that chick's deal?
What's with her mental state?
**[09:40] GuyB**
Is she the vengeful spirit of a gravure idol
who didn't win Miss Magaz*ne?!
**[09:44] Azuha**
Uh, we can't do an investigation
if we're drawing this much attention.
**[09:49] Azuha**
We're gonna have to find the bad guy
without the fresh young HS girl.
**[09:52] Azuha**
Click?
**[09:53] Maki**
Azuha-san! Your photo was just taken!
**[09:56] Maki**
He's trying to escape into the crowd.
**[09:58] Maki**
Master, please wake up already.
**[10:01] Maki**
Let's circle around and pincer him.
**[10:03] Maki**
Wait, it's the same thing
that always happens!
**[10:06] Asunaro**
Gosh, what to do?
**[10:10] Asunaro INT**
*How very odd.*
**[10:12] Asunaro INT**
*Why am I here with no clothes on?*
**[10:15] Asunaro INT**
*Who is that woman who's calling me "Master"?*
**[10:18] Asunaro INT**
*And who am I, anyway?*
**[10:20] Maki**
He hit his head so hard, it reset!
**[10:23] Maki**
And where's Mashiro-chan?
**[10:25] Maki**
Wow, no help there. She's so shocked,
she's posing like a nursing chimpanzee.
**[10:29] Maki**
And Nagumo-sensei?
**[10:31] Nagumo**
Ow, ow, ow, ow.
**[10:33] Maki**
He's down with a leg cramp?
When he's hardly even moved yet?
**[10:36] Nezu**
Leave this to me, Maki-chan!
**[10:39] Maki**
Nezu-san!
**[10:40] Nezu**
I've got long legs,
so I'm really good at chasing—
**[10:44] Nezu**
Bug. Huge. Can't.
**[10:47] Maki**
Mashiro-chan said he was more useless
than a 100-yen-store shoehorn.
**[10:50] Maki**
Guess she was right. Bah.
**[10:52] Maki**
Azuha-san! We'll have to
catch this guy ourselves!
**[10:55] Azuha**
Ooh! What a big *Anax parthenope*!
**[10:58] Azuha**
I wanna fight it with my Zo*d!
**[11:00] Maki**
Our whole party's down!
**[11:02] Maki**
In that case...
**[11:04] Maki**
I'll catch him on my own!
**[11:07] Maki INT**
*I can do this.*
**[11:08] Maki INT**
* I've been working out and*
* jogging every day to toughen up.*
**[11:13] Maki INT**
*I work hard to be as useful as possible.*
**[11:22] Maki**
I had a feeling ever since
I first saw your photos online...
**[11:26] Maki**
that "Uncle Scoop"...
**[11:28] Maki**
was a woman.
**[11:30] PhotographerB**
Shit.
**[11:31] Maki**
It didn't make sense that so many of
the photos were taken in the locker room.
**[11:35] Maki**
And from that angle, too.
Only a woman could get those shots.
**[11:40] PhotographerB**
You're pretty smart.
**[11:42] PhotographerB**
Most people get complacent
just knowing that I'm a woman.
**[11:46] PhotographerB**
It was a surefire way to make
easy money, but fine. I give up.
**[11:51] Maki**
I'm glad you're so reasonable.
**[11:53] Maki**
Allow me to accompany you to the police.
**[11:57] PhotographerB**
I'm glad it was a woman who caught me.
**[12:06] Asunaro**
Maki-chan!
**[12:08] PhotographerB**
Sorry! I won't post your photo online, okay?
**[12:14] PhotographerB**
What? Hey! Aren't you embarrassed?
**[12:18] Maki**
No, not particularly.
**[12:21] Maki**
Letting a cowardly villain like you get away
would be far more humiliating for a detective.
**[12:28] PhotographerB**
Y-You're...
**[12:31] Nagumo**
Okay, we got her.
**[12:33] Asunaro**
Maki-chan! Are you okay?
**[12:35] Maki**
Yes. Not a problem.
**[12:38] Asunaro**
I'm sorry. My negligence
caused you such humiliation.
**[12:42] Maki**
I'm not a child.
This isn't enough to faze me.
**[12:46] Maki**
Well, our job here is finished now, yes?
**[12:50] Maki**
I'll get changed.
**[12:52] Asunaro**
Oh, uh, sure.
**[13:02] Maki**
Oh my god!
**[13:05] Maki**
I'm so embarrassed, I could die!
**[13:08] Maki**
And Master might have seen me.
**[13:10] Maki**
How am I supposed to face him now?
**[13:16] Nagumo**
One, two, three...
**[13:19] Nezu**
Feels like it's been a while
since we finished a job properly.
**[13:23] Nagumo**
This'll cover my living expenses for the month.
**[13:26] Mashiro**
There's a video of me in my swimsuit online!
***SIGN*** Not for children! Chimpanzee courtship behavior / baboon copulation
**[13:31] Nagumo**
Wait, that's the Discov*ry Channel!
***SIGN*** This female is horny and wants to exhibit courtship behavior,
***SIGN*** but these males are not turned on at all.
**[13:46] Nezu**
It's a double feature
with baboon copulation, huh?
**[13:56] Nagumo**
Good. It still fits.
**[14:01] Mashiro**
You actually own a suit like that, old dude?
**[14:03] Mashiro**
You usually wear flimsy old things that
look like tofu skins chewed up by a tapir!
**[14:07] Nagumo**
I have a wedding to go to next week.
**[14:10] Nagumo**
A mutual police acquaintance with Mimasaka.
***SIGN*** Mimasaka
**[14:14] Nagumo**
Some real bigwigs are gonna be there.
I can't go in my usual getup.
**[14:21] Mashiro**
Take me with you!
***SIGN*** Take me with you!
**[14:24] Nagumo**
My suit. My suit's worthless now.
**[14:27] Mashiro**
Oops, sorry. I spat a little.
**[14:31] Nagumo**
Weddings aren't even all that fun, you know.
**[14:35] Mashiro**
I just want to be there for the bouquet toss.
**[14:37] Mashiro**
Whoever catches it is supposed to be
the next one to get married, right?
**[14:42] Mashiro**
It's always been my dream
to wear a wedding dress.
**[14:47] Mashiro**
Don't you dare make a comment about
putting fancy clothes on a packhorse driver!
**[14:50] Nezu**
I didn't even say anything yet!
**[14:53] Nagumo**
Oh, fine. I'll ask Mimasaka.
**[14:57] Mashiro**
Yay! I love you, old dude.
**[14:59] Nezu**
I'd like to go, too.
**[15:01] Mashiro**
Oh, I wonder what I should wear.
**[15:03] Mashiro**
A bulletproof vest? Or maybe chain mail?
**[15:06] Nezu**
I always wanted to make
some connections with bigwigs.
**[15:10] Nagumo**
Just please don't do anything dumb, okay?
**[15:14] Mashiro**
Don't worry. Just look at these eyes.
**[15:16] Nagumo**
They look like Sp*ngebob's
when he has a naughty idea.
***SIGN*** The Bullet Bride
***SIGN*** One Week Later
**[15:30] MC**
* There's an incredibly severe typhoon*
* making landfall today,*
**[15:34] MC**
* but due to the scheduling,*
* the ceremony will proceed as planned.*
**[15:40] Mashiro**
Why aren't they postponing?!
**[15:41] Mashiro**
And when it's an outdoor
wedding, of all things?!
**[15:45] Nagumo**
This was apparently the only day
all the VIPs could show up at once.
**[15:48] Nezu**
I can't tell who anyone is!
**[15:51] Nezu**
Boss, where are the bigwigs
I should make connections with?
**[15:54] Nagumo**
If they find out you're yakuza,
they'll pulverize you.
**[15:58] Nagumo**
There they are!
**[15:59] Nagumo**
That's the police department's superintendent.
**[16:02] Nagumo**
That's the head of the Cabinet
Intelligence and Research Office.
**[16:05] Nagumo**
That's the head of the
National Security Agency.
**[16:08] Nezu**
The head of the National Security Agency
is in the least secure state of all!
**[16:12] Nagumo**
Damn, it's so hard to see.
**[16:15] Nagumo**
Where's Mimasaka?
**[16:18] Mashiro**
Isn't that him?
**[16:19] Nagumo**
H-He's...
**[16:21] Nagumo**
putting his own body on the line
to protect the wedding cake.
**[16:24] Mashiro**
Never missing a chance to make himself
look good in front of the VIPs.
**[16:28] Nezu**
So that's what it means
to be part of an organization.
**[16:31] Mimasaka**
A whole herd of Red Hares hiding from
the rain under newly replaced tatami.
**[16:34] Mashiro**
He's acting weird!
**[16:35] Mimasaka**
A whole drove of Red Hares hiding
from the rain under newly replaced tatami.
**[16:36] Nagumo**
No! He's got the wind sickness!
**[16:39] Nagumo**
Oh, right. Food. Let's eat.
**[16:41] Nagumo**
It's buffet-style, so take what you like.
**[16:43] Mashiro**
The wind's so intense,
I can't tell what anything is!
**[16:46] Nezu**
Oh, I'll go get it!
**[16:48] Nagumo**
Oh, perfect. A salad bowl just flew at me.
**[16:52] Nagumo**
Mm, yeah. They definitely
used the best ingredients.
**[16:55] Mashiro**
Old dude! That's a decorative fake plant!
**[17:00] Nezu**
Boss! I managed to scrape
some stuff together.
**[17:04] Nezu**
Give it a try.
**[17:05] Nagumo**
Scraps.
***SIGN*** Scraps
**[17:08] Nezu**
Most of the main dishes blew away.
**[17:10] Nagumo**
Is this a deployment party
for some broke samurai?
**[17:13] Mashiro**
It's like a failed episode
of *Souten Restaurant*.
**[17:16] MC**
* The bride and groom will now begin*
* the candle-lighting service.*
**[17:21] MC**
* They will be lighting the candles*
* placed on each table,*
**[17:25] MC**
* but since a flame would*
* be blown out immediately,*
**[17:29] MC**
* they will use a torch*
* to light the candles instead.*
**[17:33] MC**
* We have prepared dried grass and pine resin*
* for each table to facilitate the lighting.*
**[17:44] Bride**
Somosan!
**[17:45] Guest**
Seppa!
**[17:46] Guest**
Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot!
**[17:51] Nezu**
The dried grass and the southeasterly wind
are spreading the fire!
**[17:55] Nagumo**
What is this, Greek fire?
***SIGN*** (Greek Fire)
**[17:57] Mashiro**
It's like a re-enactment of the Battle
of Red Cliffs made by *Tameshite Batten*.
**[18:01] Nagumo**
Mimasaka! Now's your chance
to raise your standing! Do something!
**[18:05] Nagumo**
Huh? He's gone?
**[18:06] Mashiro**
That's not him, old dude. That's the cake!
**[18:09] Nagumo**
The cake?
**[18:10] Mashiro**
He got absorbed into the cake,
thanks to a gust of wind.
**[18:13] Nagumo**
Mimasaka!
**[18:16] Nagumo**
Mashiro, save him.
**[18:18] Mashiro**
But I'm in a dress,
so I don't have any of my tools.
**[18:21] Nagumo**
So do something using the stuff that's here.
**[18:23] Mashiro**
What? Um, uh...
**[18:25] Mashiro**
Okay, here!
**[18:27] Mashiro**
I gave him a Cocoa Cig*rette
to breathe through.
**[18:29] Nagumo**
Those aren't hollow, though.
**[18:31] Nagumo**
Whatever. Let's just pull him out.
**[18:33] Mashiro**
Wait. My dress will get dirty.
It's the only one I have!
**[18:37] Nagumo**
His life is the only one he has, too.
**[18:39] MC**
* Ladies and gentlemen,*
* our sincerest apologies.*
**[18:41] Mashiro**
Huh?
**[18:43] MC**
* A problem has arisen, prompting*
* a drastic change to the schedule.*
**[18:46] MC**
*The bride will now perform the bouquet toss.*
**[18:49] Mashiro**
Yes! This is what I came here for!
**[18:53] Nezu**
No! Boss got absorbed, too!
**[18:55] Nezu**
Save him, Big Sis!
**[18:57] Mashiro**
Sorry, old dude. I'm kinda busy right now.
Just kill some time in nirvana.
**[19:02] Nezu**
Sounds like you're telling him
to go Dot*ur in the next life.
**[19:05] MC**
*The bride raises the bouquet...*
**[19:09] MC**
*And there it goes.*
**[19:10] MC**
*The wind's carrying it farther and farther.*
**[19:13] Nagumo**
An ICBM?!
**[19:15] Nezu**
It's gonna fly right off the grounds.
**[19:23] Nagumo**
Mashiro, this is one
you should probably give up on.
**[19:27] Mashiro**
On your marks.
**[19:29] Mashiro**
Set.
**[19:31] Mashiro**
Go!
**[19:32] MC**
*And all the ladies take off running at once.*
**[19:35] Nagumo**
I didn't know there were that many here!
**[19:36] Nezu**
I underestimated the enthusiasm
women have for a bouquet toss!
**[19:40] Nagumo**
Follow them, Nezu-kun.
**[19:41] Nezu**
Shouldn't we help this Mimasaka guy, though?
**[19:44] Nagumo**
Huh? Uh, huh? Um...
**[19:47] Nagumo**
Okay, here.
**[19:48] Nezu**
A Yoku M°ku? I mean, it *is* hollow, but...
**[19:50] Nagumo**
Let's go.
**[19:51] Nezu**
Right.
***SIGN*** Tamachi Meats
**[19:57] Son**
Mom, why bother opening the store
in this weather? No one's gonna show up.
**[20:01] Mom**
Don't be silly.
**[20:03] Mom**
For some reason, our croquettes
fly off the shelves during typhoons.
**[20:07] Mom**
We can't call ourselves butchers
if we didn't open now.
**[20:09] Son**
Mom...
**[20:12] Son**
Okay, I'll help.
**[20:15] Mom**
That's hot!
**[20:18] Son**
M-Mom! A meteorite fell into the fryer!
**[20:23] Mom**
Don't underestimate a butcher.
**[20:26] Mom**
There's nothing in this world that I can't fry!
**[20:31] Nagumo**
The bouquet fried up all nice and crispy!
**[20:35] Nezu**
Now it's wrapped up...
**[20:36] Nezu**
and rolling away!
**[20:42] Nagumo**
Everything's sticking to it
and making a giant ball.
**[20:59] Nezu**
It's coming this way!
**[21:01] Nagumo**
Run!
**[21:07] Mashiro**
Help me out, you two.
**[21:10] Nagumo**
R-Right!
**[21:10] Nezu**
Got it!
**[21:12] Nagumo**
What's...
**[21:13] Mashiro**
If we miss it here, the next woman
in line will catch the bouquet.
**[21:17] Mashiro**
So we'll stop it together!
**[21:18] Nezu**
But how do we do that in this position?
**[21:21] Mashiro**
We work together!
**[21:22] Mashiro**
Mashiro stops the bouquet.
**[21:25] Mashiro**
Nezu holds her up.
**[21:26] Mashiro**
And Nagumo sits there, looking shy.
***SIGN*** Grin
***SIGN*** Didn't work
**[21:29] Three**
It didn't work!
**[21:32] BacheloretteA**
Look. The bouquet's slowing down.
**[21:34] BacheloretteB**
Now! Charge!
**[21:36] Mashiro**
Shit. I fell behind.
**[21:38] Mashiro**
That bouquet is *mine*!
**[21:43] Nagumo**
W-Wow.
**[21:44] Nagumo**
It's like an egg still being attacked
by goblin sperm even after it's fertilized.
**[21:49] Nezu**
Maybe the bouquet toss also represents
a wish to be blessed with a child.
**[21:56] Nezu**
The bouquet!
**[21:57] Nezu**
Big Sis, you did it!
**[22:01] Nagumo**
No, that's...
**[22:05] Nagumo INT**
*I didn't know Maki-san was here.*
***SIGN*** Next Time
***SIGN*** Mashiro and
the Psychic of Love
***SIGN*** In Technicolor
# 11 - Mashiro and the Psychic of Love
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/series/G79H23Z93/detectives-these-days-are-crazy)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
***SIGN*** Detectives
These Days
Are Crazy!
***SIGN*** Nagumo Detective Agency
**[01:34] Mashiro**
Here you are.
**[01:35] Mashiro**
Sorry it's just cheap tea.
**[01:36] Yuji**
Well, golly gee,
I sure do 'preciate yer kindness.
**[01:40] Mashiro**
"Golly gee"?
**[01:42] Yuji**
This here's my first time in Shinjuku, y'know.
***SIGN*** Client
***SIGN*** Kamuchakka
Yuji
**[01:45] Yuji**
It's all too doggone fancy-schmancy for me.
**[01:49] Mashiro**
He has a hell of an accent. Where's he from?
**[01:52] Nagumo**
Dunno, but it must be pretty far away.
**[01:55] Nagumo**
Nice to meet you. I'm Nagumo, the detective.
**[01:58] Yuji**
I'm Kamuchakka Yuji.
**[02:00] Mashiro**
K-Kamucha?
**[02:02] Nagumo**
Where are you from?
**[02:04] Yuji**
Zundunukounnu Village.
**[02:06] Mashiro**
Huh? What was that?
**[02:07] Nagumo**
S-Sorry, could you repeat that?
**[02:10] Yuji**
Zuzunduzajunanuukonnu Village.
**[02:13] Mashiro**
Didn't that change from the first time?
**[02:15] Nagumo**
One more time, please?
**[02:17] Yuji**
Zuzunnuzajunanuunko Village.
**[02:20] Mashiro**
You clearly said "unko" at the end there!
**[02:23] Nagumo**
Okay, forget the name of your village.
What brings you here?
**[02:26] Yuji**
Well, y'see, my village, Ideoto...
**[02:29] Mashiro**
*Now* you can say it just fine!
***SIGN*** Mashiro and
the Psychic of Love
***SIGN*** In Technicolor
**[02:36] Yuji**
Ideoto is a li'l bitty village
deep in them thar hills.
**[02:40] Yuji**
It's all self-sufficient,
**[02:42] Yuji**
but also all closed off,
'cause nobody's allowed to leave.
**[02:46] Nagumo**
Was it all right for you to leave, then?
**[02:50] Yuji**
Me an' my wife, Rin, are allowed outta town
once a month to shop fer supplies an' such.
**[02:55] Nagumo**
Ah, I see.
**[02:57] Yuji**
These days, folks in Ideoto keep
comin' down with some kinda sickness.
**[03:01] Yuji**
The old shaman lady told us
it was the work of some evil spirits.
**[03:05] Yuji**
Then, one day, a man callin' himself
"Airan" done showed up.
**[03:10] Yuji**
Airan said he was a psychic,
**[03:13] Yuji**
and he had clairvoyance, telepathy,
and could communicate with spirits.
**[03:18] Yuji**
The villager folks didn't
wanna believe him at first.
**[03:21] Yuji**
But then, Airan started passin' around some
weird water, callin' it "Water of Genesis."
**[03:26] Yuji**
And wouldn't ya know it?
**[03:27] Yuji**
The folks who drank the water
started feelin' better right before our eyes.
**[03:31] Yuji**
Our village was always religious,
so everyone started worshipin' Airan as a god.
**[03:38] Nagumo**
A psychic showing up out of nowhere, huh?
**[03:41] Nagumo**
Does seem kinda shady to me.
**[03:43] Mashiro**
Really? I'd believe him.
***SIGN*** What's to believe?
You've destroyed
one spirit already!
...says his face
**[03:48] Yuji**
Then, just the other day,
Airan suddenly blurted out somethin' like...
**[03:54] (Flashback) Airan**
Someone in this village
is possessed by a demon.
**[03:57] (Flashback) Airan**
If nothing is done,
it will surely destroy the village.
**[04:00] (Flashback) VillagerA**
Scary.
**[04:02] (Flashback) VillagerB**
Who could it be?
**[04:03] (Flashback) Airan**
I'm sorry to say this, but to save the village,
this person must be executed.
**[04:10] (Flashback) Airan**
Ah, I've found you.
**[04:12] (Flashback) Airan**
You, the woman fishing popcorn
kernels out of your teeth with your tongue!
**[04:17] (Flashback) Airan**
Die for the sake of this village.
**[04:20] Nagumo**
And this woman...
**[04:21] Yuji**
Yes. It was my wife, Rin.
**[04:24] Yuji**
Rin's gonna be killed if we don't do somethin'!
The execution's tomorrow evenin' at six!
**[04:29] Yuji**
Please! You gotta save my Rin!
**[04:33] Mashiro**
Are you all right? Here, have a hot towel.
**[04:38] Mashiro**
You really love your wife,
don't you, Kamuchakka-san?
**[04:43] Yuji**
'Course I do. She's got a rack on her
that could clear the clouds from the sky.
**[04:47] Mashiro**
Ugh! Men!
**[04:49] Yuji**
I'll pay y'all, of course.
**[04:51] Yuji**
I've got money I've been
savin' up fer our weddin'.
**[04:54] Yuji**
I dunno if'n it's enough, but...
**[04:57] Yuji**
Could ya please do it for five million?
**[05:01] Nagumo**
Kamuchakka-san.
**[05:03] Nagumo**
Frankly, I couldn't care
less about your money.
**[05:07] Nagumo**
Those tears you shed a moment ago...
**[05:10] Nagumo**
were more than pretty enough
to give me a reason to act.
**[05:15] Nagumo**
Leave this to us.
**[05:16] Nagumo**
We will not fail to rescue your wife from...
**[05:19] Nagumo**
Hell yeah! Five million, baby! Score!
**[05:22] Yuji INT**
* His inner thoughts clean*
* banished that false front!*
***SIGN*** Ideoto Village
**[05:29] Nagumo**
W-Wait up. Sitting on that bus
for so long wrecked my back.
***SIGN*** 8 Hours Until Rin's Execution
**[05:33] Mashiro**
Jeez. Would you get it together?
**[05:37] Yuji**
We made it.
**[05:38] Yuji**
That there house is where he's keepin' Rin.
**[05:41] Yuji**
Mr. Detective, ain't nobody around.
Now's yer chance.
**[05:44] Chief**
What kept ya so long, Yuji?
**[05:47] Yuji**
Ch-Chief!
**[05:48] Chief**
What're ya lettin' these people
into our village for?
**[05:51] Nagumo**
Oh, I apologize for dropping in unannounced.
**[05:53] Nagumo**
My name is Nagumo. I research
cultural anthropology at the university.
**[05:58] Nagumo**
This is my assistant.
**[06:01] Chief**
A college professor?
What business y'all got here?
**[06:04] Nagumo**
I wanted to see Airan-sama's
miraculous powers with my own eyes.
**[06:11] Nagumo**
But don't worry. I just want to see them
used once, then I'll leave for good.
**[06:15] Shamaness**
No.
**[06:18] Villagers**
Bam!
**[06:19] Yuji**
Sh-Shamaness!
**[06:22] Shamaness**
Run those people out of here right now.
**[06:24] Shamaness**
They will bring disaster to this village.
**[06:27] Chief**
Shamaness, don't get too angry
or your blood pressure'll—
**[06:30] Shamaness**
You people have come to steal
Airan-sama's powers, haven't you?
**[06:34] Nagumo**
Oh, no, it's only for research.
**[06:37] Shamaness**
Just look at the ominous cracks
in my crystal ball.
**[06:40] Nagumo**
I think that was caused
by your own potential.
**[06:43] Shamaness**
Especially that young girl there.
**[06:45] Shamaness**
She's a demon child, spawned by a demon.
**[06:47] Shamaness**
Kill her before she visits
disaster upon us all!
**[06:50] Shamaness**
Kill her! Kill her! Kill her!
**[06:52] Shamaness**
Kill her! Kill her! Kill her—
**[06:54] Villagers**
Shamaness!
**[06:56] Chief**
She took away the shamaness's
mobility with one low blow!
**[07:00] Shamaness**
What the hell are you doing, you brat?
**[07:02] Mashiro**
Shut it, you old hag!
**[07:03] Mashiro**
Say what you want about me,
but don't you dare badmouth my mom!
**[07:08] Mashiro**
Actually, don't badmouth me, either, jerk!
**[07:11] Villager1**
Impossible. She's our shaman.
**[07:14] Villager2**
A single hit from a li'l girl
did a shaman in?
**[07:16] Villager3**
A *shaman*?
**[07:18] Nagumo**
Were shamans always known
for being so physically strong?
**[07:22] Mashiro**
Bah, ignore this old hag. Let's go.
**[07:24] Nagumo**
Uh, hey...
**[07:26] Shamaness**
How many times must I tell you
that I won't let you pass?
**[07:30] Villager4**
There it is! Her Shaman Suplex!
**[07:33] Villager5**
That's the way a shaman oughta be!
**[07:35] Villager6**
Incidentally, you haven't said
"I won't let you pass" once, Shamaness!
**[07:39] Shamaness**
Sorry, little brat.
**[07:41] Shamaness**
It's all for the sake of this village.
**[07:43] Shamaness**
For various reasons, this village has
cut itself off from the outside world.
**[07:49] Shamaness**
Yes, it happened 17 years ago...
***SIGN*** 17 Years Ago
**[07:53] Mashiro**
You're open!
**[07:55] Shamaness**
You brat! Who attacks
mid-flashback? You ain't normal!
**[07:58] Mashiro**
I don't wanna hear an old hag with
the body of Stall*ne talk about "normal"!
**[08:02] Chief**
S-Someone stop them!
**[08:04] Nagumo**
Just for a little bit. I just want
to see Airan-sama for a little bit.
**[08:09] Chief**
Y-Yeah, but if the shamaness says no, then...
**[08:14] Mashiro**
The shamaness says it's okay.
**[08:16] Chief**
Sh-Shamaness!
**[08:20] Guide**
This is Airan-sama's mansion.
**[08:22] Nagumo**
Sure is nice.
**[08:25] Nagumo**
I'll go in and meet Airan-sama.
**[08:27] Nagumo**
Mashiro-kun, have Yuji-san
show you around the village.
**[08:30] Mashiro**
Got it, Prof!
**[08:32] Guide**
Wait here. I'll clear it
with Airan-sama first.
**[08:38] Nagumo**
Head for the hut Rin-san's being held in.
**[08:41] Nagumo**
Go ahead and get her out if you can.
**[08:43] Mashiro**
Roger. What're you gonna do?
**[08:45] Nagumo**
I'm gonna expose this Airan guy's lies
and bring the villagers back to their senses.
**[08:52] Guide**
Okay, you're cleared.
He said you must enter alone.
**[08:57] Nagumo**
Pardon me.
**[09:01] Airan**
Well, hello there.
Welcome to Ideoto Village.
**[09:06] Nagumo INT**
*He's younger than I expected.*
**[09:08] Nagumo**
It's an honor to meet you.
**[09:11] Airan**
So you wish to behold my powers?
**[09:13] Nagumo**
Yes. I'm interested in psychic abilities.
**[09:17] Airan**
To me, it looks like you're not so much
"interested" as "ready to expose me."
**[09:23] Nagumo**
Certainly not.
**[09:26] Airan**
Very well. I shall show you.
**[09:32] Airan**
Iimoteshi shi'a yai itaresabutsu
**[09:33] Nagumo INT**
*Most guys like him are magicians.*
**[09:36] Nagumo INT**
* His skills and eloquence might have*
* the villagers fooled, but not me.*
**[09:37] Airan**
itaremasaha niuyunikuba
nodo hosukutsu meuwoikashi
**[09:41] Nagumo INT**
* I'll figure out your lies*
* and expose them in public,*
**[09:44] Nagumo INT**
* so that you lose your clout*
* with these guys and they wake up.*
**[09:45] Airan**
dakisugauyuniyoki soyoshime nodonsa ipaipa...
**[09:47] Nagumo INT**
*Then I'll rescue Rin-san.*
**[09:51] Airan**
I see it. Yes, I see it.
**[09:55] Airan**
You...
**[09:56] Airan**
have a bad back and bad knees.
**[09:58] Airan**
Your guardian spirit tells me so.
**[10:01] Nagumo INT**
*Wh-What? He guessed my health problems?*
**[10:05] Nagumo INT**
*Did Yuji-san give him that information?*
**[10:08] Nagumo INT**
* No, I didn't tell him*
* anything about my health.*
**[10:11] Nagumo INT**
*Is this guy the real deal?*
**[10:16] Airan**
So is that enough?
**[10:19] Airan**
I must be taking my leave.
**[10:21] Airan**
There is an execution to prepare for.
**[10:27] Airan**
You should come and watch.
**[10:29] Airan**
A demon is going to be burned most lavishly.
**[10:33] Nagumo INT**
*This creep might be bad news, Mashiro.*
**[10:39] Yuji**
Wait up! It's too dangerous to go alone!
**[10:43] Mashiro**
Oh, it's fine. I'll just smash that hut
open with my spear hand.
**[10:47] Shamaness**
Halt!
**[10:49] Mashiro**
The old hag?
**[10:50] Villagers**
Shamaness returns!
***SIGN*** Shamaness Returns
**[10:52] Mashiro**
You still wanna fight?!
I'm not going back, no matter what!
**[10:56] Shamaness**
Now, just calm down.
**[10:58] Shamaness**
You mustn't destroy that hut.
**[11:00] Shamaness**
It's alarmed, so everyone will
come running the moment you do.
**[11:04] Mashiro**
Old hag?
**[11:07] Shamaness**
Take that hidden passage.
**[11:10] Mashiro**
Hey, you're actually nice. Thanks, old hag.
**[11:15] Mashiro**
So how does this open?
**[11:18] Shamaness**
Don't make me keep telling you
there's no such thing!
**[11:21] Mashiro**
You never said it at all!
**[11:23] Yuji**
Sh-Shamaness!
**[11:25] Shamaness**
Yuji. I sympathize about your wife...
**[11:30] Shamaness**
but the village comes before one person!
**[11:32] Shamaness**
It's the duty of the young folks to protect
this village, even if it costs your life!
**[11:36] Mashiro**
Oh, come on.
**[11:38] Mashiro**
That sure is funny, old hag.
**[11:41] Mashiro**
We young folks have a future...
**[11:43] Mashiro**
unlike you!
**[11:46] Shamaness**
Oh? You can still stand after that?
**[11:49] Shamaness**
My blood hasn't run this hot in a long time.
**[11:53] Mashiro**
The detective...
**[11:54] Shamaness**
...and the shaman...
**[11:55] Mashiro/Shamaness**
...face off with their pride
on the line, starting now.
**[11:59] Yuji**
I wish those names better
represented your personalities.
***SIGN*** 3 Hours Until Rin's Execution
**[12:05] Nagumo**
That psychic...
**[12:08] Nagumo**
He was right about a secret
only a few people know.
**[12:13] Nagumo**
And I can't rely on Mashiro
to handle everything.
**[12:16] Nagumo**
Guess I'll try to get some more info.
***SIGN*** Testimony 1
**[12:20] Praying Woman**
Airan-sama is our savior.
**[12:24] Praying Woman**
I was down for so long
with the spirit sickness.
**[12:28] Nagumo**
Spirit sickness?
**[12:29] Praying Woman**
It's when a spirit possesses your body
and plays tricks on it.
**[12:33] Praying Woman**
But Airan-sama's qigong and Water
of Genesis got me back on my feet.
**[12:38] Right Loud Guy**
Airan-sama is the real deal!
No doubt about it!
***SIGN*** Testimony 2
**[12:42] Left Loud Guy**
After he exorcised my evil spirit,
**[12:44] Left Loud Guy**
the awful headaches I kept having
cleared right up!
**[12:47] Akemi Fan**
Just look at this, Mr. Scholar!
***SIGN*** Akemi
Forever
***SIGN*** Testimony 3
**[12:50] Akemi Fan**
That evil spirit ravaged my skin,
and Airan-sama's qigong cleared it right up.
**[12:55] Akemi Fan**
Ignore the tattoo on my back for now.
**[12:59] Yokai Baba**
Airan-sama can give you
pills with qi in them.
***SIGN*** Testimony 4
**[13:04] Yokai Baba**
They work like a charm on the spirit sickness.
**[13:07] Yokai Baba**
Why don't you try one, too?
**[13:09] Nagumo**
Well, thank you.
**[13:13] Nagumo**
I see.
**[13:14] Nagumo**
I'm starting to get the picture.
**[13:17] Nagumo**
I'll have to check around there
to verify the truth.
**[13:33] Nagumo**
Just as I suspected.
**[13:34] Nagumo**
Security's lax because of the execution.
**[13:37] Nagumo**
Now, hopefully, I'll find something in here.
**[13:45] Nagumo**
Ow, ow, ow! My back!
**[13:48] Nagumo**
Sure wish I could get
Airan-sama to heal this, too.
**[13:53] Nagumo**
I knew it. So now the question is:
Why execute Rin-san? What's he after?
**[14:01] Nagumo**
What is this?
**[14:05] Nagumo**
Th-This is...
**[14:07] Nagumo**
Don't tell me Airan is...
**[14:09] Mashiro**
♫ Come back! ♫
**[14:14] Boobs Farmer**
You wanna know about Rin-chan?
**[14:16] Nagumo**
Was there anything strange about her?
Even something very small?
**[14:20] Boobs Farmer**
Well, she's got them big ol' knockers.
**[14:23] Nagumo**
I've heard the rumors, yes.
**[14:25] Boobs Farmer**
Other than that, everyone in the village
got sick 'cause of evil spirits,
**[14:30] Boobs Farmer**
but Rin-chan had it *real* bad.
**[14:34] Boobs Farmer**
Even the shamaness's
Shaman Stretching didn't do shit.
**[14:38] Boobs Farmer**
Airan-sama's qigong made her a lot better,
**[14:42] Boobs Farmer**
but then *that* happened.
**[14:45] Boobs Farmer**
I just feel awful for poor Rin-chan,
bein' executed and all.
**[14:50] Nagumo**
I feel your pain.
**[14:51] Boobs Farmer**
I wish I coulda felt 'em up just once.
**[14:54] Nagumo**
Okay, I guess I don't.
**[14:56] Sake Bottle Man**
Hey!
**[14:58] Sake Bottle Man**
Mr. Scholar!
**[15:00] Sake Bottle Man**
Since yer here an' all,
have some of our local sake.
**[15:04] Nagumo**
Wow, I appreciate it.
**[15:09] Nagumo INT**
*I've gotten a fair bit of intel.*
**[15:12] Nagumo INT**
*If I put it all in order...*
***SIGN*** Rin-san's Health
***SIGN*** One Outing per Month
***SIGN*** The Qi Used on the Villagers
***SIGN*** Big Boobs
***SIGN*** The Stuff in Airan's Mansion
***SIGN*** My Guardian Spirit
***SIGN*** An Evil Spirit Possession Epidemic
***SIGN*** Big Boobs
***SIGN*** Airan's Goal
**[15:15] Nagumo INT**
*I can see it. I'm so close to the truth.*
**[15:23] Nagumo INT**
*Man, this sake's strong. It's so good.*
***SIGN*** Sweet Sake
**[15:26] Nagumo INT**
*Wait, what was I thinkin' about again?*
***SIGN*** 1 Hour Until Rin's Execution
**[15:32] Mashiro**
Here I go!
**[15:34] Mashiro**
Hit and...
**[15:35] Shamaness**
...cover!
**[15:35] Mashiro/Shamaness**
Rock, paper, scissors!
**[15:37] Mashiro**
Die!
**[15:38] Shamaness**
Yes!
**[15:39] Mashiro**
Hey! It ruins the game if you duck,
you stupid old hag!
**[15:42] Shamaness**
You're using a *real* sword, you brat!
**[15:44] Yuji INT**
*I can't tell if'n they're buddies or enemies.*
**[15:48] Mashiro**
Damn it. This old hag's really pissing me off.
**[15:51] Mashiro**
How could you beat up
a young, unmarried maiden?
**[15:56] Shamaness**
I'm having a great time, brat.
**[15:58] Shamaness**
My blood hasn't run this hot in a long time.
**[16:01] Mashiro**
You said that just
a few minutes ago. *Keep* it warm!
**[16:05] Yuji**
They're both darn near worn out.
I bet the next blow's gonna finish it.
**[16:12] Shamaness**
Watching you sure takes me back, though.
**[16:15] Shamaness**
You're the same as me when I was young.
**[16:19] Mashiro**
What do you mean?
**[16:22] Shamaness**
When I was about your age,
**[16:24] Shamaness**
I worked at a detective agency.
**[16:28] Yuji**
Wait, *she's* the one who asked.
**[16:30] Yuji**
And it was shapin' up to be
a pretty interestin' story!
**[16:33] Yuji**
Plus, ya can't just knock someone out
like it's a free-to-play game!
**[16:37] Mashiro**
Yeah, but she just wouldn't shut up.
**[16:39] Mashiro**
I don't care about her demented rantings.
**[16:42] Mashiro**
Wait, forget the old hag.
I gotta save Rin-san.
**[16:45] Mashiro**
Rin-san!
**[16:47] Mashiro**
She's gone! She got taken away
while I was playing with the old hag!
**[16:51] Yuji**
They done took her to
the square to be executed!
**[16:54] Mashiro**
What? It's that time already?
**[16:56] Yuji**
We gotta hurry!
**[16:59] Mashiro**
Okay, get on.
**[17:00] Yuji**
Huh?
**[17:01] Mashiro**
We'll get there faster if I carry you.
**[17:04] Yuji**
Well, then...
**[17:05] Yuji**
I'll take ya up on that.
**[17:07] Mashiro**
Who gave you permission
to sit in the arena seat?!
**[17:11] Yuji**
I never knew folks had
good an' bad seats on 'em!
**[17:17] Yuji**
Over there.
**[17:18] Mashiro**
Rin-san?
**[17:26] Yuji**
Man, her boobs are so big!
**[17:28] Mashiro**
No one in the world has
more right to say that than me!
**[17:31] Yuji**
Golly, I'm sorry. It's just been
so doggone long since I saw 'em.
**[17:38] Mashiro**
This is no time for playing around.
**[17:41] Mashiro**
What's the old dude doing, darn it?
**[17:45] Mashiro**
Old dude! Why are you just
standing here? We have to save her!
**[17:50] Nagumo**
It's fine.
**[17:52] Nagumo**
Just keep quiet and watch.
Don't do anything.
**[17:55] Mashiro**
Wh-Wh-Wh-Wha...
***SIGN*** Thrust
**[17:59] Mashiro**
Open your eyes, old dude!
**[18:01] Mashiro**
Hang on. I'll free you
from their brainwashing now.
**[18:03] Nagumo**
I haven't been brainwashed.
**[18:06] Nagumo**
Listen to me, Mashiro.
Airan-sama is the real deal.
**[18:10] Mashiro**
What? Old dude, are you being serious?
**[18:14] Nagumo**
We must not go against his guidance.
**[18:20] Nagumo**
Stop, Mashiro.
**[18:53] Nagumo**
Mashiro, we need to talk.
**[18:56] Mashiro**
What is it?
**[18:58] Nagumo**
Come with me. You, too, Yuji-san.
**[19:04] Nagumo**
Here we are.
There's someone I want you to meet.
**[19:06] Mashiro**
Meet? Who?
**[19:11] Mashiro**
You! How dare you do that to Rin-san?!
**[19:13] Nagumo**
No, idiot! Look closer!
**[19:17] Yuji**
Rin!
**[19:17] Mashiro**
Rin-san!
**[19:18] Yuji**
Oh, thank goodness.
I thought you were done for.
**[19:21] Yuji**
I was so worried,
you would've been totally freaked out.
**[19:23] Mashiro**
I knew it seemed weird. That wacky
accent was just for show all along.
**[19:27] Mashiro**
What's going on here, old dude?
**[19:29] Nagumo**
Airan isn't a psychic. He's a doctor.
**[19:33] Mashiro**
A doctor?
**[19:34] Airan**
When Rin-san left town
on her one monthly outing,
**[19:37] Airan**
I could tell with one look
that she had a serious illness.
**[19:42] Airan**
So I snuck into the village and realized
the "evil spirit possession" taking over
**[19:46] Airan**
was a communicable disease.
**[19:50] Rin**
My symptoms were particularly bad.
**[19:52] Rin**
I needed treatment in a proper facility.
**[19:55] Rin**
But I would've been punished
if I'd left the village.
**[19:59] Airan**
So I played God, using the power of medicine
to save them, and taking control of this village.
**[20:05] Mashiro**
So Rin-san's execution...
**[20:07] Airan**
I swapped her out with a doll.
It was all for show.
**[20:11] Airan**
I'd planned to take her
out of town for treatment,
**[20:14] Airan**
then have her lie to the village
that she'd been brought back to life.
**[20:18] Nagumo**
He could tell what parts
of my body were bad, too.
**[20:21] Nagumo**
He figured it out from my posture
and breathing, apparently.
**[20:24] Airan**
You should really get to
a hospital yourself, you know.
**[20:27] Mashiro**
B-But why would you do all that for
someone you just happened to see once?
**[20:32] Nagumo**
Because...
**[20:34] Nagumo**
of this.
**[20:35] Mashiro**
What is it?
**[20:36] Nagumo**
Just open it.
***SIGN*** Massive Boob Explosion!
G-Cups That
Hit Hard
**[20:43] Airan**
I love boobs more than I love
three square meals a day.
**[20:48] Mashiro INT**
*Ugh, men! I swear!*
**[20:50] Mashiro INT**
*I swear! I swear!*
**[20:52] Nagumo**
Well, at any rate, that's case closed.
**[20:56] Shamaness**
Wait!
**[20:58] Shamaness**
I heard everything.
***SIGN*** Shamaness
**[21:00] Shamaness**
How dare you deceive us!
**[21:02] Yuji**
J-Just calm down, you guys.
He did it for Rin—
**[21:05] Shamaness**
Silence!
**[21:06] Shamaness**
Any who break the rules must
be executed! No exceptions!
**[21:10] Mashiro**
Wh-What do we do, old dude?
**[21:12] Mashiro**
I don't have any strength left
to hit her again!
**[21:14] Nagumo**
Don't worry, Mashiro.
**[21:16] Nagumo**
I called the police.
**[21:18] Mashiro**
Huh?
**[21:19] PoliceA**
Nobody move!
**[21:21] PoliceB**
You're suspected of holding
someone against their will!
**[21:24] PoliceA**
"The rules of the village," my ass! Morons!
**[21:26] PoliceB**
How about you follow
the rules of Japan first?!
**[21:30] Mashiro INT**
*They're not usually that useful in fiction...*
**[21:33] Nagumo INT**
*...but damn, the police really are strong.*
***SIGN*** Torna a Surriento
***SIGN*** Nationwide Average
Score: 80.2 Points
***SIGN*** Results
***SIGN*** Points
***SIGN*** Points
***SIGN*** Points
***SIGN*** Points
***SIGN*** Points
***SIGN*** Notice
***SIGN*** If you fail
to pay your
rent of 2,500,000 yen by tomorrow,
***SIGN*** you will be
evicted.
***SIGN*** Landlord
**[23:11] Mashiro**
Why didn't you pay it?
**[23:13] Nagumo**
I just, uh, forgot all about it.
**[23:15] Mashiro**
How are we gonna get this much money?
**[23:18] Nagumo**
Don't worry. I have
the five million from Yuji-san.
**[23:22] Nagumo/Mashiro**
Huh?
**[23:23] Nagumo**
"I-Ide"? What? It's fake?
**[23:28] Mashiro**
Apparently, it's the currency
they use in Ideoto.
**[23:31] Mashiro**
In Japanese yen, five million ide is...
***SIGN*** 24 Hours Left Until the Nagumo Detective Agency
***SIGN*** 24 Hours Left Until the Nagumo Detective Agency
***SIGN*** Shuts Down
***SIGN*** Shuts Down
**[23:35] Mashiro**
50,000 yen.
# 12 - Nagumo Dons the Haori / Producing Nagumo Detective Agency / Nagumo Detective Agency Shuts Down
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/series/G79H23Z93/detectives-these-days-are-crazy)
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:01] Mashiro**
Hey, old dude!
**[00:03] Mashiro**
Seems our agency's going bye-bye!
**[00:06] Nagumo**
Oh, really? It'll be gone soon, huh?
***SIGN*** 24 Hours Until Nagumo Detective Agency Shuts Down
**[00:14] Mashiro**
Okay, no more being flippant about this.
What are we gonna do?
**[00:18] Nagumo**
I mean, it's not like I have anyone
to borrow the money from.
**[00:22] Mashiro**
Well, if it's come to this...
***SIGN*** Detectives
These Days
Are Crazy!
***SIGN*** Detectives
These Days
Are Crazy!
***SIGN*** Nagumo Dons the Haori
***SIGN*** Nagumo Dons the Haori
**[02:01] Commentator**
* Ninjas of the modern age*
* face a looming beast of steel*
**[02:05] Commentator**
*in a challenge we call* Sarutobi*!**
**[02:07] Commentator**
*Total Victory earns them three million yen!*
**[02:11] Nezu**
An obstacle course like that
will be a cinch for you, Big Sis.
**[02:15] Mashiro**
Forget the prize money.
I'm going for a new record.
**[02:18] AD**
Entry #1: Nagumo Keiichiro-san.
**[02:21] Nezu**
What? You're entering, too?
**[02:23] Nagumo**
Oh, hell no. Not me.
**[02:26] Mashiro**
I messed up!
**[02:29] Mashiro**
I registered in his name out of habit
'cause that's how I sign our business receipts!
**[02:34] Mashiro**
What are we gonna do?
Is it too late to correct it?!
**[02:38] Nezu**
Yeah, it's way too late for that.
**[02:39] Mashiro**
If the old dude enters, he'll only break
the record for fastest disqualification.
**[02:44] Nagumo**
Aw, c'mon. I can at least
get past the first area.
**[02:47] Azuha**
This sounds like a job for...
***SIGN*** Humanity
B-Gone
**[02:48] Azuha**
This! We'll power him up
with my Humanity B-Gone.
***SIGN*** Humanity
B-Gone
**[02:52] Mashiro**
Nice one, Azuha-san.
**[02:54] Nagumo**
I want to stay human, though.
**[02:55] Nezu**
What should we do, Big Sis?
**[02:58] Mashiro**
Since it's come to this...
**[03:00] Commentator**
* The first stage entails clearing*
* seven areas in 100 seconds.*
**[03:04] Commentator**
* Get the slightest droplet of water*
* on you, and you're out!*
**[03:08] Commentator**
* Up first is self-proclaimed detective,*
* Nagumo Keiichiro!*
***SIGN*** Illustration
**[03:15] Azuha/Nezu INT**
*This just took a super weird turn.*
**[03:18] Commentator**
* It seems like more of an indoors-y sort of*
* occupation, but just look at those shoulders.*
**[03:23] Commentator**
* Nagumo, how are you feeling*
* about this challenge?*
**[03:26] Nagumo**
Huh? How am I feeling?
**[03:28] Mashiro**
I'm! A! Detective!
**[03:30] Commentator**
*His nostalgic gag has the venue roaring!*
**[03:32] Commentator**
*This man is ready and raring to go!*
**[03:35] Nezu**
Surely even Big Sis ain't gonna
be able to do much in that state?
**[03:39] Azuha**
Wonder what she'll do.
**[03:41] Commentator**
*First, the stepping stones.*
**[03:43] Commentator**
* Self-proclaimed detective,*
* Nagumo, approaches with care.*
**[03:47] Commentator**
*Wow! He does a handstand spring!*
**[03:50] Commentator**
* It's as if he's imposed a restriction*
* on himself as a handicap.*
**[03:53] Commentator**
*Is this man a baboon or an orangutan?*
**[03:57] Commentator**
*Oh, my! His face is awfully red.*
***SIGN*** Illustration
**[03:59] Commentator**
*Is that a sign of rising voltage?!*
**[04:03] Commentator**
*Next up is the revolving pillar area.*
**[04:06] Commentator**
* If he hits any of the pillars,*
* he's sure to take the plunge.*
**[04:10] Commentator**
*And there he goes!*
**[04:13] Commentator**
* Oh, no! Self-proclaimed detective,*
* Nagumo, is out.*
**[04:17] Nezu**
No, not yet.
**[04:20] Commentator**
*Wait, no! He didn't fall!*
**[04:22] Commentator**
*Can you believe that muscle strength?*
**[04:24] Commentator**
* Is he Cup Sumiko-san doing*
* a steroid-induced armor evolution?*
**[04:30] Commentator**
*But is Nagumo all right?*
***SIGN*** A Stone
**[04:33] Commentator**
*That's not a death rattle I hear, is it?*
**[04:35] Nezu**
I'm starting to think they can pull this off.
**[04:38] Azuha**
I'm not sure Mr. Nagumo's still alive, though.
**[04:41] Commentator**
* Nagumo Keiichiro is running away*
* with this contest.*
**[04:44] Commentator**
*He's blasting through the obstacles.*
**[04:46] Commentator**
*Is there no one who can stop this man?*
**[04:49] Nezu**
They're totally gonna pull it off!
**[04:51] Azuha**
No, they're in trouble.
**[04:53] Nezu**
Huh?
**[04:54] Azuha**
They've only done areas you can
get through with your hands so far,
**[04:57] Azuha**
but next, it's...
**[04:59] Commentator**
*Last up is the trampoline area,*
**[05:02] Commentator**
* a tough challenge requiring challengers*
* to jump across to the net on the other side.*
**[05:06] Commentator**
*Ten seconds remain.*
**[05:08] Nagumo**
Uh, Mashiro.
**[05:10] Mashiro**
Run, old dude.
**[05:11] Nagumo**
But...
**[05:12] Mashiro**
Just do it! Go!
**[05:13] Nagumo**
Okay, then.
**[05:20] Nezu**
Not even close!
**[05:22] Azuha**
Do you know if Mr. Nagumo can swim?
**[05:25] Mashiro**
Don't underestimate Mashiro-chan.
**[05:27] Mashiro**
Hi-yah!
**[05:31] Commentator**
*H-He made it!*
**[05:33] Commentator**
* Not sure what's going on with*
* his arms, though. Is he okay?*
**[05:39] Mashiro**
I can't, old dude. I'm gonna drop you.
**[05:46] Mashiro**
That was awesome, old dude!
**[05:54] AD**
Would you join me in the back
for a moment, please?
**[06:00] Nagumo**
Ah.
***SIGN*** 0 Hours Until Nagumo Detective Agency Shuts Down
**[06:01] Nagumo**
Landlord, please! Anything but that!
***SIGN*** 12 Hours Until Nagumo Detective Agency Shuts Down
***SIGN*** 12 Hours Until Nagumo Detective Agency Shuts Down
***SIGN*** Producing Nagumo Detective Agency
**[06:18] Nagumo**
What the hell?
Was this always here?
**[06:22] Mashiro**
Oh, that? Asunaro left it behind
the last time he was here.
**[06:25] Mashiro**
Said he started making his own merchandise.
**[06:28] Mashiro**
He was babbling about how they sell
so well and plug his business.
**[06:32] Nagumo**
Takes some nerve to make
your own merchandise.
**[06:36] Mashiro**
For real. I guess when
narcissism becomes toxic,
**[06:39] Mashiro**
it manifests in disgusting ways like this.
**[06:42] Nagumo**
Hey, watch it. You'll crush its head holding it
like you're about to pitch a super-fast sinker.
**[06:47] Mashiro**
Still, that's an idea!
**[06:49] Mashiro**
We can make our own merch and
use the profits to pay your overdue rent.
**[06:54] Nagumo**
Don't be dumb. Making merchandise
also takes time and money.
**[06:58] Nagumo**
We need a more reliable method.
**[07:00] Nezu**
Hold it right there!
**[07:02] Nezu**
You can leave all the business stuff to me!
**[07:05] Nezu**
I've got all kinds of connections.
**[07:07] Nagumo**
Connections, huh?
**[07:09] Mashiro**
Are we talking *actual* business
or yakuza "business"?
**[07:13] Nezu**
Look, I'm good at producing stuff like this.
**[07:16] Nezu**
Let's make some merch.
***SIGN*** Nagumo Detective Agency Production Plan
***SIGN*** Boobie mousepad of Big Sis Mashiro
***SIGN*** Make Cerberus
our poster cat
***SIGN*** An original theme song
**[07:19] Nezu**
My plan involves these three ideas:
**[07:22] Nezu**
a boobie mousepad of Big Sis Mashiro,
**[07:25] Nezu**
making Cerberus our poster cat,
**[07:27] Nezu**
and our own theme song.
**[07:29] Mashiro**
What? M-Me on a mousepad?
**[07:32] Nezu**
They'll fly off the shelves.
**[07:34] Nagumo**
What's a boobie mousepad?
**[07:36] Mashiro**
Putting the mousepad aside for a moment...
**[07:39] Mashiro**
What do you mean by "poster cat"?
Like what some cafés and stations have?
**[07:42] Nezu**
People can't resist cats, y'know.
**[07:45] Nagumo**
What's a boobie mousepad?
**[07:48] Mashiro**
What good would making a theme song do?
**[07:49] Nagumo**
What's a boobie mousepad?
**[07:51] Nezu**
Things you hear stick with you
longer than things you see.
**[07:54] Nezu**
And no better time to make one
than the present.
**[07:54] Nagumo**
I wonder what a boobie mousepad is.
**[07:56] Mashiro**
There's not? Really?
***SIGN*** Google it,
dude
***SIGN*** Making the Boobie Mousepad
**[08:01] Mashiro**
Wait, this is way too embarrassing.
**[08:03] Nezu**
Your confidence is that low?
**[08:06] Mashiro**
Well, no. It's not as if I lack confidence.
**[08:10] Mashiro**
I mean, I don't think my figure's that bad,
**[08:12] Mashiro**
and I work out, so I can
confidently say I'm fairly fit, but...
**[08:17] Mashiro**
Gosh, if you're gonna plead like that,
I guess I'm not *totally* against it.
**[08:27] Mashiro**
Don't look like you're itching to say stuff,
but you don't wanna get throttled,
**[08:31] Mashiro**
so you'll just say whatever to flatter me!
**[08:34] Mashiro**
Also, aren't mousepads pretty
expensive to make, anyway?
**[08:38] Nezu**
Don't worry about it.
**[08:40] Nezu**
I still have some from when my group
made 'em before, so I can get 'em cheap.
**[08:45] Mashiro**
Well, that's good to know.
**[08:47] Nezu**
So you just need to go get your picture
taken at one of those ID photo booths.
**[08:51] Mashiro**
Got it.
**[08:53] Nezu**
I'll put in an order with
the supplier to print them.
**[08:56] Nagumo INT**
* He only suggested it so he could sell off*
* the leftovers his group dumped on him.*
**[09:02] Nezu**
The mousepads are ready!
**[09:04] Mashiro**
Oh, wow. I'm still a little embarrassed.
**[09:08] Nezu**
I'm gonna open it.
**[09:09] Nezu**
Three, two, one.
**[09:11] Nezu**
There!
***SIGN*** The End
**[09:14] Nagumo**
What is this? A face-shaped tumor?
**[09:16] Nezu**
Where'd you get this photo taken, Big Sis?!
**[09:20] Mashiro**
I'm broke, so I used the copier
at the convenience store.
**[09:23] Nezu**
For your *face*?! Did you put *any*
stat points into intelligence or shame?
**[09:27] Nagumo**
Not only that, but the design's upside-down.
The boobs are on your head.
**[09:31] Nagumo**
What are these, malignant tumors?
**[09:33] Mashiro**
Well, what's done is done, right?
**[09:36] Nezu**
You sound like a delinquent
about to have a shotgun wedding.
***SIGN*** Making Cerberus
a Poster Cat
***SIGN*** Safety
***SIGN*** My Town's Poster Cat
(Kanto/Tohoku)
Neighborhood Cat
The poster cat of
a store in my town
***SIGN*** My Town's Poster Cat
(Kanto/Tohoku)
Neighborhood Cat
***SIGN*** If you're lucky, you
might get to meet
our poster cat
**[09:42] Nagumo**
Oh, so these are poster cats, huh?
**[09:44] Mashiro**
They're so cute!
**[09:46] Nezu**
Get him to do some tricks or something,
and all eyes will be on him.
**[09:50] Nagumo**
Are there any tricks Cerberus can do?
**[09:52] Mashiro**
He occasionally coughs up hairballs
that look like tumbleweeds.
**[09:56] Nagumo**
No one's gonna be into that.
**[09:59] Mashiro**
There's nothing special
about this moggy at all.
**[10:02] Nagumo**
So should we make him stand
by the front door or what?
**[10:05] Nezu**
Well, he's not in a very
photogenic state right now.
**[10:07] Nezu**
That's why we're gonna
give him a little makeover.
**[10:11] Nezu**
We'll tidy up that shaggy hair,
**[10:13] Nezu**
hide those narrow eyes behind sunglasses,
**[10:16] Nezu**
and put an old detective coat
on him to create the mood.
**[10:19] Nezu**
I'd like to put him in a basket,
but we don't have one, so we'll use a box.
**[10:22] Nezu**
Done! I call this "Meowlock Holmes"!
**[10:26] Nezu**
Uh...
**[10:29] Nagumo**
Pretty shameless for
such a shabby-looking thing.
***SIGN*** This ain't
the circus,
dumbasses!
***SIGN*** What?
**[10:32] Mashiro**
Is he a stray from
some oil-producing country?
**[10:34] Nezu**
W-Well, I guess we'll go with this for now.
***SIGN*** Making an Original Theme Song
**[10:40] Nezu**
I'm actually a musician, so I can write a song.
**[10:43] Mashiro**
I bet you got into music
for the most frivolous damn reason.
**[10:46] Nezu**
My vocabulary sucks, though,
so I can't write lyrics.
**[10:50] Mashiro**
Your third-grade teacher didn't pick
you to be on the team, right?
**[10:54] Nezu**
So I'll write a song that'll
bring attention to the agency,
**[10:57] Nezu**
and *you* can write the lyrics for it.
**[11:00] Mashiro**
Wait, wait, wait. I can't write lyrics.
**[11:03] Mashiro**
I don't have the sense for it.
**[11:06] Nezu**
But a writer I know said they saw nothing
but intelligence in your face.
***SIGN*** Liar
**[11:13] Mashiro**
"A poem is words
that weren't turned into a song,
**[11:16] Mashiro**
and a song is words that weren't turned
into a poem."—Hermann Hesse.
**[11:21] Nagumo INT**
*She'd definitely get stopped at immigration.*
**[11:24] Nezu**
I'll get it added to karaoke right away!
**[11:27] Mashiro**
We're gonna sell out
a two-day Budokan appearance!
**[11:30] Nagumo**
Buy rice and garbage bags
on your way home, would you?
***SIGN*** Nagumo Detective Agency
***SIGN*** Boss! It's done!
**[11:36] Mashiro**
I'm gonna get everyone hyped
for our agency with my singing.
**[11:41] Nagumo**
Your quality's just about
the same as a local idol's.
**[11:44] Mashiro**
Now, please enjoy: "Ba-dump!
Nagumo Detective Agency"!
**[11:49] Mashiro**
♫ The one-eyed frog I picked up
on the Togetsu Bridge ♫
**[11:54] Mashiro**
♫ Coughed up blood on
a stormy night and died ♫
**[11:55] Nezu**
Do you think it's a little gloomy?
**[11:58] Mashiro**
♫ Oh, Nagumo Detective Agency ♫
**[11:59] Nagumo**
Uh, more than just a little.
**[12:02] Nezu**
Anyway, we've got everything now.
**[12:05] Nezu**
Merch!
**[12:06] Nezu**
A poster cat!
**[12:07] Nezu**
A song!
**[12:08] Mashiro**
Our agency will be the talk of the town and
we'll be swamped with jobs. Right, old dude?
**[12:13] Nagumo**
Oh, uh, yeah.
**[12:14] Nezu**
Let's go announce this stuff now!
**[12:16] Mashiro**
Roger!
**[12:19] Nagumo**
Maybe I should apologize
to Mimasaka in advance.
**[12:22] College GirlA**
Crap, I'm not done with the assignment yet.
**[12:25] College GirlB**
Uh, isn't that kinda bad?
**[12:27] College GirlA**
Wait, do you hear music?
**[12:28] Mashiro**
♫ The one who sold it to the cash
voucher shop was my nephew ♫
**[12:31] College GirlB**
Oh, yeah. Where's it coming from?
**[12:34] Mashiro**
♫ Oh, Nagumo Detective Agency ♫
**[12:38] Mashiro**
♫ That thing by your pillow isn't
an acerola, it's an anorexic tomato ♫
***SIGN*** 0 Hours Until Nagumo Detective Agency Shuts Down
***SIGN*** 6 Hours Until Nagumo Detective Agency Shuts Down
***SIGN*** Nagumo Detective Agency Shuts Down
**[13:01] Mashiro**
We can't afford to waste
a single second, old dude.
**[13:10] Nagumo**
Hang on. My jaw's out of alignment.
**[13:13] Mashiro**
You just wasted five seconds already!
**[13:16] Nezu**
I've brought a client!
**[13:18] Mashiro**
Maki-chan! And background dude.
**[13:21] Maki**
We heard a rumor on the breeze
that you were out of money.
**[13:24] Nagumo**
Does this town have breezes like that?
**[13:26] Asunaro**
I heard you've been collecting
the shed tails of lizards to eat.
**[13:30] Mashiro**
Like hell we are!
**[13:32] Asunaro**
Now, now. Don't get angry over such
trifling matters. We're here to talk business.
**[13:37] Mashiro**
What? Really?
**[13:38] Maki**
Why are your eyes euro signs?
**[13:41] Asunaro**
Take a look at this.
**[13:43] Mashiro**
Who's this guy?
**[13:45] Maki**
The boss of Asia's biggest theft ring.
**[13:48] Maki**
Apparently, he's in Japan right now.
**[13:50] Mashiro**
Oh, yeah. That Biccuri Camera
just opened in Chiba.
**[13:53] Nagumo**
You know that's not what he's here for.
**[13:55] Nezu**
Also, that was a while ago now.
**[13:58] Asunaro**
This man is going to make
an exchange with a certain VIP today.
**[14:02] Nagumo**
And they want us to catch them in the act?
**[14:04] Asunaro**
Yes.
**[14:06] Nagumo**
Who's the client?
**[14:08] Asunaro**
The MPD.
***SIGN*** MPD Deputy Superintendent General Kumanomido Takayoshi
**[14:11] Nezu**
The deal is being made with the Deputy
Superintendent General, Kumanomido Takayoshi.
**[14:16] Mashiro**
Way too many strokes in those kanji.
**[14:18] Nezu**
It'd take two fortune tellers
to give him a name-based fortune.
**[14:21] Nagumo**
So there's a whistleblower?
**[14:22] Asunaro**
Yes. It's a top-secret mission
to expose the dark side of the police.
**[14:27] Asunaro**
The reward is six million yen.
**[14:29] Mashiro**
Six million?! So if we divvy that up,
our side gets five million?
***SIGN*** 6 mill
***SIGN*** 6 mill
**[14:33] Nagumo**
How is that divvying it up?
**[14:35] Asunaro**
The two of us alone
aren't enough to handle it,
**[14:37] Asunaro**
so we'd really appreciate your help, Sensei.
**[14:41] Nagumo**
A job exposing the darkness
in the police force, huh?
**[14:45] Mashiro**
We'd hardly be detectives
if we refused this job now, old dude.
**[14:48] Mashiro**
Our ancestors are crying over
at Tateyama Seien.
**[14:51] Nezu**
Your ancestors are still
at the crematorium?
**[14:54] Asunaro**
I'd say they're long dead.
**[14:56] Nagumo**
Asunaro-kun, where's the target right now?
**[14:59] Asunaro**
Sensei, does that mean...
**[15:01] Nagumo**
Yeah.
***SIGN*** Wee-Woo
**[15:03] Nagumo**
My blood hasn't boiled like this in years.
***SIGN*** Wee-Woo
***SIGN*** Wee-Woo
**[15:05] Maki**
Of all the times for an ambulance to go by.
**[15:05] Nagumo**
I'll be accepting this mission.
***SIGN*** Wee-Woo
***SIGN*** Wee-Woo
**[15:08] Mashiro**
Say that again, old dude!
***SIGN*** Nagumo Detective Agency
**[15:11] Mashiro**
So what are these guys exchanging?
**[15:14] Asunaro**
Kumanomido is giving the boss a list he has.
**[15:17] Mashiro**
A list?
**[15:19] Maki**
It may be a list of police who are
working with criminal organizations.
**[15:23] Nezu**
That's a pretty high-calorie article.
**[15:25] Mashiro**
So anyway...
**[15:27] Mashiro**
Why are we running like this?
**[15:30] Maki**
I'm sorry. The boss suddenly
showed up in town.
**[15:33] Mashiro**
Old dude, are you keeping up?
**[15:36] Mashiro**
Uh-oh! He's disappearing out of frame!
**[15:39] Asunaro**
There he is.
**[15:40] Asunaro**
That's our man.
**[15:43] Mashiro**
That little old dude in the pajamas
is the boss of Asia's biggest theft ring?
**[15:49] Nezu**
He went into a maid café.
**[15:51] Mashiro**
He's enjoying Japan to the fullest.
**[15:53] Maki**
Shall we lie in wait for him here?
**[15:55] Asunaro**
No, he might complete the hand-off inside.
**[15:58] Maki**
But if we all go in, we'll arouse suspicion.
**[16:01] Mashiro**
In that case, leave this to me.
**[16:04] Mashiro**
I used to work at this café,
so I'm tight with the owner.
**[16:08] Mashiro**
I can dress as a maid and keep
an eye on him. Piece of cake.
**[16:12] Mashiro/Maki**
Welcome home, master.
**[16:16] Maki**
A-A-A-A-Am I really needed for this?
**[16:19] Mashiro**
Well, if I go in alone,
I might lose track of the guy.
**[16:22] Okazaki Taiiku**
Wow, a new maid! You're adorbs!
**[16:26] Maki**
N-No, I'm not...
**[16:28] Mashiro**
Maki-chan, look. The boss
is doing something shady.
**[16:32] Okazaki Taiiku**
Miss maid, put a spell
on my omelet rice, please.
**[16:35] Maki**
I can't right now.
**[16:37] Okazaki Taiiku**
C'mon, hurry up. Fire your beam.
**[16:40] Mashiro**
Oh, all right, fine.
**[16:42] Mashiro**
Here! Get all tasty now!
**[16:45] Mashiro**
Moe, moe...
**[16:46] Mashiro**
boom!
**[16:46] Okazaki Taiiku**
Thank you, ma'am!
**[16:49] Maids**
Come back soon, masters.
**[16:53] Mashiro**
He just left?
**[16:55] Maki**
He sure had a lot of points stocked up here.
***SIGN*** No. 5 in Japan
***SIGN*** No. 5 in Japan
***SIGN*** Maid Café
***SIGN*** Maid Café
**[16:58] Maki**
Anyway, let's follow him.
**[17:00] Mashiro**
Oh, old dude.
**[17:02] Mashiro**
You finally caught up, huh?
**[17:04] Maki**
He looks like he just ran
the fifth leg of the Hakone Ekiden.
**[17:10] Maki**
An aquarium?
**[17:11] Maki**
They're making the exchange here?
**[17:13] Asunaro**
It's dark and crowded.
**[17:15] Asunaro**
Perfect for doing shady deals.
**[17:19] Nagumo**
Three of the poor people's tickets, please.
**[17:22] Mashiro**
Student discount!
**[17:23] Nezu**
Yakuza discount!
**[17:24] Asunaro**
Sensei, I'll cover you, okay?
**[17:29] Mashiro**
Look! Look!
**[17:30] Mashiro**
That sea otter is eating a scallop.
**[17:33] Nezu**
That little guy's eating better than me.
**[17:35] Nagumo**
Stop watching the otters and find the boss.
**[17:38] Maki**
Look over there. In the orca show seating.
**[17:47] Mashiro**
Whoa, why are all the
minor characters the guests?
**[17:50] Nezu**
Feels like a final episode, doesn't it?
***SIGN*** This Is
***SIGN*** The Last Episode
**[17:53] Nagumo**
Who's the guy who looks like
he could make people taste his nipples?
**[17:56] Asunaro**
How do you forget *him*?!
**[17:58] Maki**
Everyone, not those seats.
**[18:00] Maki**
Those over there.
**[18:02] Asunaro**
That's Kumanomido.
**[18:04] Maki**
He's handing him something.
**[18:06] Nagumo**
Okay, let's go nab 'em.
**[18:08] Mashiro**
Got it.
**[18:13] Mashiro**
Gimme that skin on your face!
**[18:16] Boss**
Wh-Who is that?
**[18:18] Kumanomido**
She's coming this way.
**[18:20] Voice**
* Please watch for splashing water*
* during the show.*
**[18:23] Nagumo**
Forget splashing.
That's an entire hydro beam.
**[18:26] Asunaro**
They got caught in it, too.
**[18:28] Maki**
Now's our chance.
**[18:30] Mashiro**
Gotcha.
**[18:32] Nagumo**
Block his respiratory tract.
**[18:35] Nezu**
They don't have anything on 'em.
**[18:38] Nagumo**
No way.
**[18:41] Maki**
The orca has Kumanomido's bag?
**[18:44] Nagumo**
And it clearly thinks it's a toy.
**[18:46] Mashiro**
Like a fidget spinner. What a throwback.
**[18:48] Asunaro**
The list is in that bag.
**[18:51] Nezu**
But what are we supposed to do
against the strongest of marine creatures?
**[18:58] Nagumo**
Mashiro?
**[19:01] Mashiro**
I was hoping for a chance
to go one-on-one with you.
**[19:05] Mashiro**
Bring it, whale killer.
I'm stronger than a whale.
**[19:15] Maki**
Oh, it was in his breast pocket all along.
**[19:19] Voice**
* Please watch for splashing water*
* during the show.*
**[19:22] Mashiro**
Whew. I thought I was a goner.
**[19:25] Nagumo**
I actually want to know how you're *not*.
**[19:29] Maki**
But we did get the list.
**[19:34] Nagumo**
This is what'll expose
the darkness in the police force?
**[19:38] Nagumo**
The hell is this?
**[19:39] Maki**
Isn't that one of the maids
from that maid café?
**[19:44] Kumanomido**
Just who are you people?
**[19:46] Nagumo**
Huh? Uh, well, we heard
about the list hand-off...
**[19:49] Kumanomido**
List? Hand-off?
**[19:52] Boss**
I just went and bought some merch
for Kumanocchi, that's all.
**[19:56] Boss**
He was too embarrassed to go
into the maid café himself.
**[19:59] Asunaro**
So wait, you're not the boss of a theft ring?
**[20:03] Boss**
No, I am, but today,
I'm genuinely just a tourist.
**[20:12] Nagumo**
Oh, I get it.
**[20:13] Mashiro**
Don't spook us like that.
**[20:15] Maki**
We thought you were a criminal.
**[20:17] Mashiro**
Moe, moe...
**[20:19] Mashiro**
boom!
**[20:21] Asunaro**
We went to all that effort for nothing.
**[20:24] Nezu**
So there's no reward money?
**[20:26] Maki**
I suppose not.
**[20:29] Nezu**
Big Sis Mashiro's clear out of gas.
**[20:32] Maki**
She's making the sound my fridge makes
when I leave it open.
**[20:37] Nagumo**
Seems I have no choice.
**[20:43] Mashiro**
Uh, old dude?
**[20:44] Nagumo**
You did good. We're heading back.
**[20:47] Mashiro**
Really? But without 2.5 million yen, we're...
**[20:50] Nagumo**
It's always worked out somehow.
It will this time, too.
**[20:56] Mashiro**
You're right.
**[20:59] Mashiro**
I'm sure you'll take care
of everything again.
**[21:05] Mashiro**
Uh, old dude?
**[21:06] Nagumo**
Sorry. My lower back just can't take it.
***SIGN*** Nagumo Detective Agency
**[21:13] Mashiro**
Hey, wake up!
**[21:15] Nezu**
You won't believe what happened!
**[21:18] Mashiro**
That boobie mousepad and
our poster cat went super viral online.
**[21:24] Mashiro**
They're actually promoting our agency.
**[21:27] Nezu**
We're swamped with job requests.
**[21:30] Nagumo**
What?
**[21:32] Yuno**
I'm looking for someone.
**[21:35] Yuno**
I want to meet this person I saw in town.
**[21:38] Yuno**
I fell for him at first sight!
**[21:40] Nagumo/Mashiro**
Him?
**[21:41] Nagumo**
Wait, what's that on Tasting-san's back?
**[21:44] Mashiro**
He'll suffocate if he can't breathe
through his skin at all times.
**[21:47] Nagumo**
It's all over if he spots us.
***SIGN*** Balance:
Reward Money +￥100,000
**[21:51] Mashiro**
I never dreamed an actual idol
would come to our agency.
**[21:54] Nezu**
Nanali's so cute in the flesh.
**[21:57] Nanali**
Please, Mr. Detective.
**[21:59] Nanali**
You have to catch the bad guy
at my handshake event.
**[22:01] Hater**
Nanali!
***SIGN*** Balance: ￥100,000
Reward Money +￥500,000
Total: ￥600,000
**[22:06] Bunny Ears**
This is a super-high-frequency sound
only young people can hear.
**[22:09] Maki**
Stop!
**[22:11] Bunny Ears**
Who's there?
**[22:12] Maki**
"Who's there?" Can't you tell?
***SIGN*** Balance: ￥600,000
Reward Money +￥500,000, School Uniform -￥30,000
Total: ￥1,070,000
**[22:14] Maki**
No matter how you look at me,
I'm a fresh, young high school girl!
**[22:18] Mashiro**
There! The flying reaper!
***SIGN*** Balance: ￥1,070,000
Reward Money +￥200,000, Property Damage -￥1,000,000
***SIGN*** Total: ￥270,000
**[22:20] Azuha**
Okay. I'll shoot 'em down.
**[22:23] Negapanda**
*Hello. I'm Negapanda.*
**[22:26] Negapanda**
* You are all going to fight*
* to the death for me.*
**[22:28] Adachi**
To the death?
**[22:30] Adachi**
Quit it with that creepy anime stuff.
**[22:33] Mashiro**
I can't hear his explanation, you stupid goby!
***SIGN*** Balance: None
**[22:37] Aruse**
We, the Aruse Phantom Thieves,
will be taking the Archimedes Codex.
**[22:41] Sui**
Hey! That belongs to us, Œil de Chat!
**[22:45] Mashiro**
That's as far as you petty thieves go.
**[22:47] Aruse/Sui**
Who's there?
**[22:48] Mashiro**
I am Mashiro, Nagumo Detective
Agency's first attacker.
**[22:51] Mashiro**
I'd advise against resisting.
Bow down at once.
**[22:54] Mashiro**
And kiss my feet—
***SIGN*** Balance: None
**[22:57] Risa**
Sorry for the wait!
**[22:59] Sui**
Nice, Risa!
**[23:01] Mashiro**
It's the red one.
**[23:02] Nagumo**
No, the blue one.
**[23:03] Mimasaka**
It's gonna blow! Get out of there, Keiichiro!
**[23:06] Nagumo**
Get out? But...
**[23:08] Mashiro**
Time to fly, old dude.
**[23:10] Nagumo**
Fly?
**[23:11] Mashiro**
Don't worry. I've got my grappling
hook ready. A parachute, too.
**[23:15] Mashiro**
And if it gets *really* bad,
an inflatable rescue mat.
**[23:18] Nagumo**
O-Okay.
**[23:23] Mashiro**
Uh, my bad. I actually don't
have any of those things.
**[23:26] Nagumo**
Mashiro!
**[23:32] Fuu**
I swear...
***SIGN*** Balance: ￥270,000
Reward Money: ￥0
Nagumo's Medical Expenses -￥1,500,000 (Mashiro's Medical Expenses: ￥0)
***SIGN*** Total: -￥1,230,000
**[23:33] Fuu**
Detectives these days are crazy.