# E5 - The Monster
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/G4VUQ87NZ/the-monster)
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:02] Customer 1**
What the...
**[00:03] Customer 2**
Who the hell is that?
**[00:09] Clarissa**
Wait.
**[00:11] Clarissa**
If he were here to kill,
someone would already be dead.
**[00:15] Koruto**
So, we'll be okay?
**[00:18] Clarissa**
I guess we'll see.
**[00:21] Arase**
Trying to guess what Lemmings
is thinking is a waste of time.
**[00:25] Arase**
Iwa-san.
**[00:30] Arase**
Either way, he's on the
nationwide wanted list.
**[00:34] Arase**
Let's beat him down and put him in custody.
**[00:36] Iwanome**
Don't forget, we technically have witnesses.
**[00:40] Misaki**
Polka-kun, Polka-kun.
**[00:42] Misaki**
I think that guy's probably
a lot scarier than the cops.
**[00:46] Polka**
Yes.
**[00:47] Polka**
I can tell.
**[00:51] Polka**
*Are those the ghosts of people he's killed?*
**[00:54] Polka**
*They're torn between... hatred and fear?*
**[01:04] Trio C**
Wha—?!
**[01:10] Arase**
You've got strong arms.
**[01:12] Arase**
Have you been working out your core, too?
**[01:21] Iwanome**
I *did* remind you we've got witnesses, yeah?
**[01:35] Arase**
Take me seriously, damn it.
**[01:38] Polka**
Huh?
**[01:45] Misaki**
Who, me?
**[01:49] Misaki**
Huh? Is this some new kind of pickup routine?
**[01:52] Polka**
Misaki-chan!
**[01:53] Corpse God**
*I mustn't.*
**[01:54] Corpse God**
* If those officials see my magic,*
* peace will slip through my fingers.*
**[01:59] Corpse God**
*Perhaps permanently.*
**[02:08] Corpse God**
*And regardless,*
**[02:09] Corpse God**
* I'll never have peace if*
* I oppose that monster.*
**[02:16] Iwanome**
Arase!
**[02:17] Corpse God**
* He's similar to Shagrua,*
* although differently inclined.*
**[02:22] Corpse God**
*Though human, he's pushed beyond human limits.*
**[02:26] Corpse God**
*Thus, I'm left with only one choice:*
**[02:29] Polka**
*Forsake the girl and flee.*
**[02:38] Misaki**
Polka-kun!
**[02:40] Polka**
*Maybe I messed up my reincarnation.*
**[02:43] Polka**
Teacher, it seems I've become quite a fool.
**[04:23] Iwanome**
What the hell is *that*?!
**[04:26] Iwanome**
Huh?!
**[04:32] Misaki**
Polka-kun?
**[04:33] Misaki**
I can't see, but that *is* you, isn't it?
**[04:35] Polka**
Quiet! Let's get out while we can.
**[04:41] Iwanome**
What? What was that noise?!
**[04:51] Polka**
He can see in pitch darkness?!
**[05:22] Polka**
Misaki-chan!
**[05:25] Misaki**
Huh?
**[05:28] Misaki**
Well, umm, see...
**[05:31] Misaki**
I can't tell you that!
**[05:33] Misaki**
I'd get chewed out if I did!
**[05:35] Misaki**
So, end of discussion! Better luck next time!
**[05:42] Misaki**
Hey, hold up!
**[05:44] Misaki**
He's got nothing to do with this—
or any bad stuff.
**[05:49] Misaki**
Well? I told you.
**[05:51] Misaki**
Satisfied now?
**[05:53] Misaki**
I'll even throw in a freebie!
**[05:56] Polka**
*Her paralytic saliva?!*
**[06:02] Misaki**
I can't bite through these bandages.
**[06:05] Misaki**
Psych!
**[06:15] Misaki**
Lucky you. That was basically a kiss.
**[06:20] Polka**
Of course, a fork won't carry enough
saliva to fully immobilize him.
**[06:27] Polka**
But thank you.
**[06:45] Polka**
You bought me time to
work out a spell in peace.
**[07:01] Iwanome**
What the hell?
**[07:03] Iwanome**
We might as well not have been here,
for all the good we did.
**[07:06] Arase**
Let's come in full gear next time.
**[07:08] Clarissa**
Oh, my. That's awfully extreme.
**[07:14] Iwanome**
Sorry, but after what I just saw,
I haven't got the balls to come back unarmed.
**[07:23] Clarissa**
This is a non-smoking area.
**[07:25] Iwanome**
Huh?
**[07:30] Takeru**
So, you're back,
**[07:32] Takeru**
Lemmings.
**[07:34] Takeru**
You were gone a long time.
I expect quicker work from you.
**[07:42] Takeru**
What?
**[07:43] Takeru**
I see. So Jinba was already killed.
**[07:47] Takeru**
Well, it never mattered
to me who disposed of him.
**[07:52] Takeru**
I continue to have high hopes for you, Nezu.
**[07:58] Takeru**
Is there something else?
**[08:04] Takumi**
For real?!
**[08:06] Takumi**
That guy's like an urban
legend here in Shinjuku.
**[08:09] Takumi**
He slips in unnoticed and
does his job without a fuss.
**[08:13] Takumi**
Because he can pop up anywhere,
they name him after a horde of rodents—
**[08:16] Takumi**
"Lemmings."
**[08:19] Takumi**
Man, I can't believe you
made it out in one piece.
**[08:21] Misaki**
Yeah, we made a real killing!
**[08:24] Takumi**
* Still, you must've used a lot*
* of magic power on that, Polka.*
**[08:29] Polka**
Yes.
**[08:31] Polka**
But the ghosts haunting that bandaged
man more than made up for it.
**[08:46] Polka**
Thank you.
**[08:47] Misaki**
Huh? What for?
**[08:49] Polka**
You protected me.
**[08:52] Polka**
You told him a secret, didn't you?
**[08:55] Misaki**
Don't sweat it.
**[08:57] Misaki**
You bailed me out, too,
**[08:59] Misaki**
so we're even!
**[09:03] (Flashback) Teacher**
It doesn't matter if you've known
someone one second or five years.
**[09:06] (Flashback) Teacher**
If you want to help them, go ahead and do it.
**[09:10] (Flashback) Teacher**
Boy, I suspect you'll live a long time.
**[09:15] (Flashback) Teacher**
So long that the distinction between
a second and a century blurs.
**[09:19] (Flashback) Teacher**
So don't bother worrying
about how long a thing lasts.
**[09:23] (Flashback) Teacher**
As you live on and on,
the force of habit and experience
**[09:28] (Flashback) Teacher**
will take control when it matters most.
**[09:34] Polka**
With this frail body, I can't protect anyone.
**[09:38] Polka**
Not even myself.
**[09:41] Polka**
Misaki-chan.
**[09:43] Polka**
*Takumi-kun.*
**[09:45] Polka**
*And...*
**[09:46] Polka**
the real Polka-kun.
**[09:48] Polka**
I don't know the first thing about this world,
so I want you to teach me.
**[09:54] Polka**
*About yourselves, as well.*
**[09:56] Takumi**
What're you acting all formal for?
**[09:58] Polka**
I see clearly now.
**[10:01] Polka**
I don't want any peace
**[10:03] Polka**
that requires sacrificing someone who
laughed with me, no matter how briefly.
**[10:18] Takeru**
I can't believe you're still alive.
**[10:21] Takeru**
You had me completely fooled,
**[10:23] Takeru**
Polka.
**[10:25] Takeru**
Playtime is over.
**[10:31] Polka**
And so,
**[10:32] Polka**
I've decided to start a business.
**[10:35] Takumi**
What for?
**[10:36] Polka**
What happened yesterday
drove it home for me.
**[10:38] Polka**
To live here peacefully, with limited mana,
I really do need money.
**[10:45] Takumi**
Talk about materialistic.
**[10:47] Misaki**
Are you gonna make more big skeletons?!
**[10:50] Takumi**
They'll call in the riot squad.
**[10:52] Polka**
Necromancy is useful in combat,
but that isn't all it's good for.
**[10:58] Polka**
For instance, if I make pacts with
ghosts who still have a sense of self,
**[11:01] Polka**
I can let them possess and move objects.
**[11:04] Misaki**
Hey, that's my mechanical pencil.
**[11:06] Polka**
You dropped it, so I borrowed it.
**[11:08] Misaki**
No problem!
**[11:09] Polka**
I found a sane ghost in the basement,
so I made a pact and let it possess this.
**[11:16] Takumi**
Whoa!
***SIGN*** I say. I'm honored to meet acquaintances of Clarissa, the famed intermediary.
**[11:22] Takumi**
It's way more eloquent than I expected!
***SIGN*** My name is Hosorogi,
and I passed away here five years ago.
Heh heh heh..
I bet you could dupe a land swindler
and legally flip this building...
**[11:28] Misaki**
Wow!
**[11:29] Takumi**
But it's saying some shady-ass things!
**[11:31] Polka**
Since only I can use magic,
if I start a business with magic,
**[11:35] Polka**
I may be able to corner the market.
**[11:38] Polka**
In fact, I've already drawn up a sign.
**[11:41] [SONG] Text; sign; center**
THE
SHOP
***SIGN*** We do things
***SIGN*** Magic? No problem
***SIGN*** Yay!!
**[11:43] Polka**
What do you think?
**[11:43] [SONG] Text**
THE SHOP
***SIGN*** We
do
things
***SIGN*** Magic?
No problem!
**[11:43] [SONG] Text**
Yay!!
**[11:44] Misaki**
I helped!
**[11:46] Takumi**
You wanna live peacefully, yeah?
**[11:51] Takumi**
I know you're really a freaky
monster who could kill me no sweat,
**[11:57] Takumi**
but I'll say this anyway.
**[11:59] Takumi**
Are you out of your mind?
**[12:01] Polka**
What?
***SIGN*** If it's money you're after, I have a better idea.
***SIGN*** Fortunes
**[12:11] Polka**
I can see it now.
**[12:14] Polka**
Your profession
**[12:16] Polka**
is related to medicine, is it not?
**[12:19] Saimyouji**
Yeah, it is.
**[12:20] Polka**
I sense that the flow of qi
is blocked in your left leg.
**[12:23] Saimyouji**
Y-You're right! I broke it,
and I'm still in physical therapy.
**[12:28] Saimyouji**
It moves on its own?!
***SIGN*** Don't play so many video games.
**[12:31] Saimyouji**
"Don't play so many video games"?
**[12:33] Saimyouji**
Is there anything you *don't* know?!
**[12:38] Takumi**
I can't believe you're actually raking it in.
**[12:40] Misaki**
Amazing, right?!
**[12:42] Misaki**
You'd never guess that sign
was all done in pencil.
**[12:46] Takumi**
You made a hundred grand in a week.
**[12:49] Takumi**
But really, fortune telling?
***SIGN*** The keys to sham fortune telling are
hot reading and cold reading.
Hot reading = Passing off the results
of prior investigation as guesses.
Cold reading = Guessing a subject's thoughts
based on what they say and do.
You will need:
- A crystal ball
- Exotic costumes
**[12:52] Takumi**
"The keys to sham fortune telling
are hot reading and cold reading"?
**[12:58] Takumi**
Honestly, this is a great setup.
**[13:00] Takumi**
I look up clients, using the names and
birth dates we make them write at the desk,
**[13:05] Takumi**
and show Polka the data through
this little eyeball guy.
**[13:08] Takumi**
And with Polka doing his thing on top of that...
**[13:11] Husband's Ghost**
I died last month of overeating.
**[13:14] Polka**
I see you lost someone
dear to you last month.
**[13:18] Lady**
How did you know?!
**[13:22] Polka**
The key to open a new door is carved on
a tombstone at the back of your garden.
**[13:28] Lady**
A tombstone?
**[13:30] Lady**
You mean the one for our pet,
Mii-chan, who died last year?
**[13:33] Lady**
Could it be... the combination
to the main safe?
**[13:41] Takumi**
...you get fortune telling with
a 100% accuracy rate.
**[13:45] Takumi**
Still, you writing on your own
has to look like a total gimmick.
***SIGN*** That's just what we want.
Let them start out suspicious
and then decide it's real magic.
That will lay the groundwork for
more potent brainwashing to come.
Heh heh heh...
**[13:56] Takumi**
Brainwashing?
**[14:00] Takumi**
You *do* remember Polka wants peace, right?
**[14:05] Polka**
This is the first money I've earned here.
**[14:10] Polka**
Now to split it five ways.
**[14:12] Takumi**
Why five?
**[14:13] Polka**
For me, Misaki-chan, Takumi-kun,
the real Polka-kun, and Hosorogi-san.
**[14:18] Takumi**
You sure are conscientious.
**[14:20] Misaki**
Yay!
**[14:23] Polka**
What's wrong?
**[14:24] Polka**
Just think of it as a token of
thanks for lending me your body.
**[14:29] Takumi**
Is he saying he doesn't want the money?
**[14:31] Polka**
Yes. He says he didn't earn it.
**[14:34] Takumi**
Well, the real Polka's probably
seen enough cash for a lifetime.
**[14:39] Takumi**
Oh, right. You can't access all his memories.
**[14:44] Takumi**
Polka Shinoyama's family is—
**[14:47] Takumi**
Hey, what's the big idea?
**[14:49] Kazuki**
Oh, dear, are we disturbing you?
**[14:53] Kazuki**
Good day, everyone.
**[14:56] Shizuki**
There he is! Polka really is here!
**[15:02] Kazuki**
It's been half a month,
hasn't it, Uncle Polka?
**[15:05] Polka**
*What? Could it be...?!*
***SIGN*** Kazuki
Shinoyama
**[15:11] Polka**
*Kazuki and Shizuki Shinoyama, twin siblings.*
***SIGN*** Shizuki
Shinoyama
***SIGN*** Kazuki
Shinoyama
**[15:16] Polka**
*They're this body's niece and nephew!*
**[15:18] Polka**
*Oh, no! I've got to fool them!*
**[15:23] Polka**
You must be mistaken. I am the Corpse God,
**[15:28] Polka**
a sorcerer strayed into your
world from far beyond the veil.
**[15:32] Shizuki**
Excuse me? Who do you think you're fooling?
**[15:34] Shizuki**
And what's with that name?
**[15:36] Shizuki**
"Corpse God"? A god for dead bodies?
**[15:40] Shizuki**
That's... kinda cool.
**[15:42] Takumi**
You think so?
**[15:43] Kazuki**
Calm down, Shizuki.
**[15:46] Kazuki**
These peasants must have put him up to it.
**[15:50] Kazuki**
Why else would Uncle Polka
have run away from home?
**[15:56] Polka**
*This is bad.*
**[15:57] Polka**
* If they find out I'm not him inside,*
* there goes my peace.*
**[16:01] Kazuki**
Well, let's set that aside for now.
**[16:05] Kazuki**
We're here as customers today.
**[16:09] Kazuki**
Won't you show us
**[16:13] Kazuki**
your oh-so-impressive fortune telling?
**[16:17] Polka**
A foolish question.
**[16:18] Polka**
All things have their proper time.
**[16:23] Polka**
Call again later.
**[16:25] Misaki**
We open at 10 a.m. tomorrow.
**[16:28] Takumi**
So, why don't you leave
for today, little girl?
**[16:32] Kazuki**
Oh? How odd.
**[16:34] Kazuki**
I don't recall giving
you permission to speak.
**[16:38] Kazuki**
A mere peasant presumes to argue with *me*?
**[16:42] Kazuki**
And what do you propose to do if I refuse?
**[16:45] Takumi**
Well, call the cops, for a start.
**[16:48] Kazuki**
Huh?
**[16:49] Takumi**
What did you expect? You barged
into a business after closing time.
**[16:55] Takumi**
What's a poor, frightened peasant
like me to do but call the cops?
**[17:00] Kazuki**
What nonsense.
**[17:02] Kazuki**
Do you have any idea who we are?
**[17:04] Takumi**
Classless nouveaux riches who look down
their noses at people they've just met?
**[17:09] Kazuki**
I am—
**[17:10] Bodyguard A**
Please be calm, little miss!
**[17:12] Bodyguard B**
He's probably recording this conversation!
Maybe even streaming it.
**[17:17] Bodyguard B**
Giving your name might be unwise.
**[17:21] Takumi**
What now?
**[17:22] Takumi**
Are you gonna sic your men in black
on me because you lost an argument?
**[17:28] Kazuki**
I've had it with your—
**[17:29] Polka**
That's enough. Thank you.
**[17:32] Polka**
I realize you're making
yourself a target to spare me,
**[17:36] Polka**
but this child is on the verge of tears.
**[17:40] Kazuki**
Th-That's ridiculous!
**[17:47] Shizuki**
Hey, Polka! What're you—
**[17:51] Polka**
You said you wanted your fortunes read.
**[17:54] Polka**
Don't worry. You both have a future.
**[17:58] Polka**
I'll protect you.
**[18:00] Shizuki**
Th-That's rich coming from you, Polka!
**[18:04] Polka**
You're mistaken.
**[18:06] Polka**
But I am acquainted with Polka.
**[18:09] Polka**
And he told me that
**[18:12] Polka**
he'll return home tomorrow.
**[18:16] Polka**
So you should go home for today, as well.
**[18:20] Suzuka**
Help... Help...
**[18:22] Polka**
* Yes, I understand. You have*
* nothing to worry about.*
**[18:27] Suzuka**
Someone, help these children.
**[18:33] Polka**
Yes.
**[18:35] Polka**
I'll keep these children safe.
**[18:40] Polka**
"Evil spirit" isn't quite
the right word for her.
**[18:44] Polka**
She seems to want to protect the twins,
but she's gone half-mad.
**[18:49] Takumi**
And you trust a ghost like that?
**[18:52] Polka**
I can't ignore this.
**[18:54] Takumi**
You seem awfully soft on those kids.
**[18:56] Polka**
Yes, well...
**[19:00] Polka**
They remind me of some other
children who tried to act tough.
**[19:03] Takumi**
Oh, I see.
**[19:05] Misaki**
Hey, so,
**[19:07] Misaki**
are you really going back to
Polka-kun's house tomorrow?
**[19:10] Polka**
Yes.
**[19:11] Misaki**
Where does he live?
**[19:13] Polka**
Um, let me think.
**[19:15] Takumi**
Here.
**[19:16] Polka**
Huh?
**[19:17] Takumi**
The Shinoyama Group.
**[19:19] Takumi**
Built around Shinoyama Bank,
it has assets in the trillions.
***SIGN*** Shinoyama Bank
**[19:24] Takumi**
They're not the richest people out there,
but they're still loaded.
**[19:28] Takumi**
And you, Polka,
**[19:30] Takumi**
are the second son of their current
patriarch, Rozan Shinoyama.
**[19:37] Takumi**
Your father, Rozan, turned 79 this year.
**[19:40] Takumi**
And if something happened to him,
**[19:43] Takumi**
Polka could claim a share of his inheritance.
**[19:47] Takumi**
No wonder someone wants you dead.
**[19:51] Polka**
But my peaceful life...
**[19:53] Takumi**
Why's the real one look shocked, too?
**[19:56] Takumi**
Like I said before, we don't
know who put the hit on Polka.
**[20:01] Takumi**
But it could have been one of your relatives.
**[20:05] Takumi**
Going home is like charging
into enemy territory.
**[20:09] Takumi**
Are you sure about this?
**[20:11] Misaki**
Oh, come on. Polka-kun can handle it.
**[20:14] Takumi**
Only if he can afford to
use magic out in the open.
**[20:16] Polka**
Oh, I had bodyguards back when I was alive.
**[20:20] Polka**
A zombie saber-toothed tiger
and a skeleton heavy cavalry soldier.
**[20:24] Takumi**
This is sounding less peaceful by the word.
***SIGN*** I'm a silent bodyguard. Please don't pry.
***SIGN*** I'm a silent bodyguard. Please don't pry.
**[20:30] Polka**
How about this?
**[20:31] Takumi**
Any rich guy who'd buy that
would go broke in no time.
**[20:35] Polka**
Hmm...
**[20:36] Polka**
Then I'll need a bodyguard who looks human.
**[20:39] Takumi**
Who looks human...
**[20:40] Misaki**
Ooh!
**[20:43] Misaki**
Huh? What's up?
**[20:46] Shizuki**
What's wrong with Polka?!
**[20:48] Shizuki**
Who does that wimp think he is,
acting all grown up?!
**[20:53] Kazuki**
Was that really Uncle Polka, do you think?
**[21:03] Kazuki**
Takeru-oniisama.
**[21:05] Takeru**
You shouldn't be out playing
so late, Kazuki, Shizuki.
**[21:10] Kazuki**
We're terribly sorry.
**[21:11] Shizuki**
S-Sorry.
**[21:13] Takeru**
Now, tell me. Did Polka seem well?
**[21:17] Shizuki**
Huh? Y-Yeah.
**[21:19] Kazuki**
He said to expect him at home tomorrow.
**[21:21] Takeru**
I see. That's something to look forward to.
**[21:25] Takeru**
Although, that said,
I'll have to assign him a babysitter.
**[21:29] Takeru**
The two of you should take care, as well.
**[21:32] Takeru**
There could always be another accident,
like what happened to Suzuka.
**[23:15] Rozan**
I see. So, Polka's alive and kicking.
**[23:19] Rozan**
Still, playing magician in Shinjuku?
**[23:23] Rozan**
He must have gotten that from you,
**[23:26] Rozan**
Kanon.
**[23:30] Rozan**
I suppose I can't die just yet.