7 - What Kind of Disorder Is Depression?

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Comical Psychosomatic Medicine!
[00:10] Ryou
    Hello. I'm Ryou the psychologist.
SIGN    Episode 7 
    "What Kind of 
    Disorder is Depression?"
[00:13] Ryou
    And this is... Huh?
[00:15] Ryou
    Asuna-san?
[00:16] Asuna
    I'm sorry for all the stuff I did before.
[00:19] Asuna
    I'm going to drop the dirty jokes this time.
[00:22] Ryou
    What happened?!
[00:22] Ryou
    Now, this time, we'll be discussing
    what's known as "CES-D."
[00:27] Ryou
    Asuna-san, do you know what CES-D means?
[00:29] Asuna
    CES-D...
[00:31] Asuna
    "Cute Acting Manager Endou sexually
    harassed women by dropping his pants," right?
[00:35] Ryou
    Didn't you just say you'd
    drop the dirty jokes?!
[00:37] [SONG] Text
    Dropped Dirty Jokes
[00:37] Asuna
    Huh? I meant "dirty jokes about dropping."
[00:38] [SONG] Text
    Dropped (Pants) Dirty Jokes
[00:40] Ryou
    There's seriously no saving this anime now!
[00:43] Asuna
    And so, today we're bringing you the anime
[00:45] Asuna
    Comical Psychosomatic Medicine 
    just as we always do!
[00:48] Ryou
    Anyway, CES-D stands for "Center of
    Epidemiologic Studies depression scale."
[00:54] Ryou
    In short, it's a test to determine
    one's level of depression.
[00:57] Asuna
    "If you're in pain, take a
    CES-D right away," right?
[00:59] Ryou
    That's Seds!
[01:01] Ryou
    There are a total of 20 questions,
[01:03] Ryou
    but we'll just look at a few today.
[01:06] Ryou
    If any apply to you lately, answer "yes."
SIGN    Question: You are unable to concentrate.
[01:12] Ryou
    Asuna-san, are you able to concentrate?
SIGN    Looking for a Boyfriend
SIGN    Serious, As In "For Real"
[01:14] Asuna
    Yep! I'm concentrating
    on finding a boyfriend!
[01:16] Ryou
    Not that! You're concentrating,
    but I didn't mean like that!
SIGN    Question: You feel as if you're  talking less than usual.
[01:21] Asuna
    Oh, yeah, I haven't been talking much.
[01:23] Asuna
    I'm not very good at talking
    to begin with, anyway.
[01:27] Asuna
    You know, when a cute girl like me talks,
[01:27] Ryou
    So that's a "no."
[01:28] Asuna
    everywordisperceivedas
    reallymeaningful,right?
SIGN    Question: You feel as if your life is a failure.
[01:33] Asuna
    I hate the word "failure."
[01:36] Ryou
    Huh? What's gotten into you?
[01:38] Asuna
    The moment I say "failure," (shippai) 
    I feel like I've given up on everything.
[01:42] Asuna
    That's why I only say part of the word.
SIGN    —pai
[01:45] Asuna
    The "pai" part.
[01:46] Ryou
    Don't omit that part!
[01:47] Ryou
    You'll give people the wrong image!
SIGN    Question: You often feel afraid of something.
[01:52] Asuna
    Yes, of...
[01:54] Asuna
    my own beauty.
[01:55] Ryou
    Yeah, that's scary, all right.
SIGN    Question: You can't sleep well.
[01:59] Ryou
    Are you sleeping well lately, Asuna-san?
[02:01] Asuna
    What? How rude! Of course
    I would never do that!
SIGN    Housewives in the Bedroom in the Afternoon
[02:05] Asuna
    That's when a mature woman
    goes to sleep, right?
[02:07] Ryou
    The "mature woman" thing aside,
    you're thinking like an old man!
[02:10] Ryou
    Anyway, this test can diagnose
    depression with 70-90% accuracy.
SIGN    Diagnoses depression 
    with 70-90% accuracy
[02:15] Ryou
    I'll omit the other questions
    and the scoring standards,
[02:18] Ryou
    but if you answer a fourth or more of the
    questions with "yes," you should take action.
[02:21] Asuna
    I see!
[02:22] Ryou
    By the way, medicines to treat depression
    are called "antidepressants,"
SIGN    Antidepressants
[02:24] Ryou
    and the type used by about 70%
    of patients is called "SSRI."
[02:29] Asuna
    What?!
[02:32] Guy
    Rub, rub, rub, rub, rub...
SIGN    Rubbing (susuri)?
[02:36] Asuna
    This guy's a pickpocket (suri)!
[02:37] Ryou
    That's just plain molestation!
[02:39] Ryou
    SSRI stands for "selective
    serotonin reuptake inhibitors."
[02:45] Asuna
    I don't understand English.
[02:47] Ryou
    Why are you a foreigner?!
[02:49] Ryou
    Also, if you're a foreigner,
    you should know English!
[02:51] Ryou
    In simple terms, it's a drug that inhibits
    the reuptake of the neotransmitter serotonin.
SIGN    Inhibits the reuptake of the 
    neotransmitter serotonin
[02:57] Ryou
    Try and imagine a cabaret club.
[02:59] Asuna
    A cabaret club?!
[03:00] Ryou
    And think of serotonin as a
    hostess working at the club.
SIGN    Serotonin
[03:03] Girl
    Thank you for requesting me!
[03:05] Asuna
    I can't imagine that!
[03:06] Asuna
    Using a cabaret club hostess as
    an analogy is too bold, Doctor!
[03:10] Ryo
    Tsk, tsk, tsk.
[03:11] Ryou
    The pros call them the "cast."
[03:13] Asuna
    That doesn't matter here!
[03:14] Ryou
    And the guests at the club are nerves.
SIGN    Nerve
SIGN    Normal
[03:17] Ryou
    The ones we refer to as depressed
[03:18] Ryou
    have fewer cast—that is,
    less serotonin—than those who are not.
SIGN    Depressed
[03:22] Ryou
    That's why the guests are depressed, too.
[03:24] Asuna
    Do you really want people
    to understand it this way?!
[03:26] Ryou
    And after some time,
[03:27] Ryou
    the cast is called by a guy in a suit
    and vanishes into the back of the club.
[03:29] Guy
    Seroko-san, you've been requested.
[03:32] Girl
    Sorry, I'm being called.
[03:35] Ryou
    That reduces their numbers even further.
[03:37] Ryou
    This is the reuptake of serotonin.
[03:40] Asuna
    He should go home! He should just go home!
SIGN    SSRI Man
[03:42] Ryou
    And that's where SSRI comes in!
[03:45] Ryou
    He stops the guy in the
    suit from doing his job.
[03:47] Ryou
    Then the cast can no longer vanish
    into the back of the club,
[03:51] Ryou
    so more and more arrive as they're requested.
[03:52] Ryou
    This is "inhibiting the
    reuptake of serotonin,"
[03:55] Ryou
    also known as Shangri-La!
[03:57] Asuna
    D-Doctor?!
[03:58] Ryou
    When this happens, the guests are happy!
[04:00] Ryou
    And so, they are relieved
    of their depression.
[04:02] All
    Thank you, SSRI Man!
[04:04] Asuna
    This almost sounds like a nice story
    now, even though it's a cabaret club!
[04:07] Ryou
    By the way, there's a similar
    type of drug called "SNRI."
[04:10] Ryou
    These inhibit the reuptake of the
[04:10] Asuna
    SSRI and SNRI?
[04:10] Asuna
    Is there one called SIRI?
[04:12] Ryou
    neurotransmitter norepinephrine, 
    as well as serotonin.
SIGN    Butt
[04:14] Ryou
    That would be "shiri" (butt)! 
    There's no drug with that name!
SIGN    Today's Theme: 
    "Depression"
[04:17] Ryou
    Anyway, be sure to consult a doctor
    before taking any medication.
[04:21] Asuna
    Got it!
[04:22] Asuna
    But, Doctor, did you know
    there's a drug that's
[04:24] Asuna
    better than anything else
    for calming people's hearts?
[04:27] Ryou
    Huh?
[04:31] Asuna
    It's love.
[04:33] Ryou
    If you think the value of love
    is going to mean anything in
[04:36] Ryou
    an anime so full of dirty jokes, you're very wrong.
SIGN    This program is a work of fiction. There is no guarantee that the treatments mentioned herein 
    will work. Before having a medical exam, make sure the doctor deals in these treatments first.
SIGN    If you're lacking in love, 
    visit the mental clinic!