Season 1

1 - How Do You Remedy an ED?
2 - At What Point Is a Lolita Complex a Sickness?
3 - Cognitive Impairment... Is Your Intelligence Okay?
4 - How Do You Remedy a Sleep Disorder?
5 - Your Favorite Color Tells All About Your Mental State!
6 - What Is Panic Disorder?
7 - What Kind of Disorder Is Depression?
8 - What's a Surefire Way to Remedy an ED?
9 - How Do You Remedy Fetishism?
10 - How Do You Remedy Exhibitionism?
11 - At What Point is Voyeurism a Sickness?
12 - What Is Social Anxiety Disorder?
13 - Be Careful of Sleep Apnea Syndrome!
14 - Accept Grief in Four Stages?!
15 - What Is Seasonal Affective Disorder?
16 - What Is the Mentality of Stalkers?
17 - Think Proactively About Painful Things?!
18 - Subconscious Patterns of People Likely to Suffer from Mental Disorders
19 - What Day is the Toughest on Your Mental State?
20 - What Kind of Place Is a Mental Clinic?

1 - How Do You Remedy an ED?

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Comical Psychosomatic Medicine!
SIGN    Episode 1
    "How Do You Remedy an ED?"
[00:12] Asuna
    Hi, nice to meet you!
[00:14] Asuna
    I'm Nurse Kangoshi Asuna, and I
    work at the Yuu Mental Clinic.
[00:17] Ryou
    And I'm a psychologist, Shinnai Ryou.
[00:23] Asuna
    The opening animation is only
    a service to our viewers.
[00:25] Asuna
    No sexy doctors or nurses in miniskirts
    will appear in this anime.
[00:29] Ryou
    That's fraud!
[00:30] Ryou
    Why would you betray their
    hopes in the first episode?!
[00:32] Asuna
    That's a psychologist
    for you! Nice comeback!
[00:34] Ryou
    Comebacks are not a psychologist's job!
[00:36] Asuna
    Now, we'll be kindly and warmly explaining
    psychosomatic diseases in this...
[00:41] Asuna
    hentai...
[00:42] Asuna
    anime.
[00:43] Ryou
    Don't tell the truth in a whisper!
[00:45] Asuna
    But most people know nothing
    about psychosomatic diseases.
[00:48] Ryou
    Yes, well...
[00:49] Asuna
    So is there even a need for
    psychosomatic medicine?
[00:52] Asuna
    It's about as useless as
    the hole in baumkuchen.
[00:54] Ryou
    Don't completely deny us our existence!
[00:56] Ryou
    Also, the hole in baumkuchen is
    there because it's baked on a pole!
[00:59] Ryou
    It's necessary!
[01:01] Ryou
    Actually, a survey was conducted
    among people aged 18 and up
[01:03] Ryou
    asking if they had ever had any experience
    with mental disorders before.
[01:08] Asuna
    What's a mental disorder?
[01:10] Ryou
    Mental disorders are conditions of the mind,
SIGN    Depression
SIGN    Anxiety Disorder
[01:12] ---
    such as depression, anxiety disorder,
    and panic disorder.
SIGN    Panic Disorder
SIGN    Men
[01:16] Ryou
    It turned out 16 out of
    100 men responded "yes."
[01:20] Men
    Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
[01:22] Asuna
    There are that many Christs?
[01:24] Ryou
    Not as in "Yeshua!"
[01:26] Asuna
    So are the other 84 called Ieyasu?
[01:29] Ryou
    Tokugawa Ieyasu was not among them!
[01:31] Ryou
    The average, including male and female
    responses, was about one in five.
[01:34] Asuna
    So in every group of sentai heroes,
    one suffers from a mental disorder?
[01:38] Ryou
    That's your conclusion?!
[01:39] Asuna
    I think it's most likely the blue one.
[01:41] Ryou
    Yeah, since he's so blue.
[01:42] Ryou
    No! Just shut up!
[01:43] Ryou
    Regardless, mental disorders
    are very close to all of us.
[01:47] Ryou
    So, the theme of episode 1 is...
[01:52] Girl
    Dad, are you all right?
[01:53] Dad
    I never told you before, but I'm sick.
[01:56] Girl
    With what?! What kind of sickness?!
[01:59] Dad
    ED.
[02:00] Asuna
    That's it!
[02:01] Asuna
    But what does ED stand for?
[02:03] Ryou
    ED is short for "erectile dysfunction."
[02:08] Asuna
    Oh...
[02:08] Asuna
    I thought it was short for ecchi
    dekinai (can't have sex).
[02:11] Ryou
    What are you saying?!
[02:12] Ryou
    Then the "ecchi" would just be "H"!
[02:13] Asuna
    But then it'd be "HD,"
    the same as "hard disk!"
[02:16] Asuna
    And the problem is that it can't get hard...
[02:19] Ryou
    Just shut up!
[02:19] Asuna
    Isn't that called "impotence," though?
SIGN    Impotence
[02:23] Ryou
    You really say that with no shame.
[02:25] Asuna
    Why did the name change?
[02:26] Ryou
    Because using letters of the
    alphabet softens its impression.
[02:29] Ryou
    Now, there are actually two
    broad categories of ED.
[02:32] Asuna
    I know! The one where you can't get hard,
[02:34] ---
    and the one where other parts get hard!
[02:36] Ryou
    What other parts?!
[02:37] Asuna
    Hmm... Your head?
SIGN    Grow
[02:38] Ryou
    That's terrifying!
[02:40] Ryou
    One is a type of ED caused by physical
    conditions such as diabetes.
[02:43] Ryou
    The other is psychosomatic ED.
[02:45] Ryou
    This type has become
    increasingly common lately.
[02:48] Ryou
    Most patients are not actually ill,
[02:51] Ryou
    and can become erect normally, but just not
    during intercourse with certain partners.
[02:56] Asuna
    I see. So there and more and more people
    with psychological ED popping up lately.
[03:00] Ryou
    "Popping up"?!
[03:01] Asuna
    So why is it growing so common?
[03:03] Ryou
    The first possibility is that
    they've lost confidence.
[03:07] Ryou
    The pressure to perform well in bed among
    exhaustion from work and day-to-day life
[03:11] Ryou
    turns into pressure that makes it
    even more difficult to perform.
[03:14] Ryou
    And there's one other concerning reason.
[03:16] Asuna
    What's that?
[03:17] Ryou
    When asked about their lifestyles,
[03:19] Ryou
    most said that they are turned
    on primarily by 2D characters.
[03:23] Asuna
    What?!
[03:24] Ryou
    I don't intend to make any claims
[03:25] ---
    about the causal relationship
    between that and ED,
SIGN    Pant
[03:28] Ryou
    but when they were shown a nude woman's
    photo and a high heel shoe simultaneously,
[03:32] Ryou
    many experiments resulted in men getting
    turned on just by looking at high heels.
[03:32] [SONG] Text
    Pant Pant
[03:36] Asuna
    Then if I showed you this picture with
    this face, it would turn you on?
[03:40] Ryou
    It would not!
[03:40] Ryou
    I can't get turned on by
    that face, for starters!
[03:43] Ryou
    Anyway, if one can be turned
    on only by artwork,
[03:46] Ryou
    the idea that the subject of that artwork
    = stimulation is imprinted in him,
[03:50] Ryou
    and when an actual sexual partner
    differs from that image,
[03:52] Ryou
    it may be difficult for
    him to feel turned on.
[03:55] Asuna
    What should they do, then?
[03:58] Ryou
    Well, for one, I think getting turned on by
    3D partners now and then is a good idea.
[04:02] Ryou
    They should gradually imprint scenarios as
    close as possible to reality in their minds.
[04:06] Ryou
    Of course, there's also the mental approach,
[04:08] Ryou
    in the sense of improving
    their own confidence.
[04:10] Ryou
    For example, medicine to reduce anxiety,
[04:12] Ryou
    or drugs to rectify ED, such as Viagra.
[04:15] Asuna
    Does Viagra work for the
    psychological type, too?
[04:17] Ryou
    I think the odds are high.
[04:19] Ryou
    The idea that the medicine will
    help may also relax them,
[04:23] Ryou
    reducing their psychological stress.
[04:25] Asuna
    I see!
SIGN    Today's Theme:
    "ED"
    (Erectile Dysfunction)
[04:26] Ryou
    Instead of worrying about it alone,
[04:27] Ryou
    remember that you have the options
    of mental and medical treatment.
[04:30] Asuna
    Right!
[04:31] Guy
    Straight line...
[04:31] Asuna
    By the way, what about people who are
    turned on by 1D and 4D subjects?
[04:33] Guy
    I'll cross space and time
    to her younger days!
[04:36] Guy
    That's a problem in itself.
SIGN    This program is a work of fiction. There is no guarantee that the treatments mentioned herein
    will work. Before having a medical exam, make sure the doctor deals in these treatments first.
SIGN    If your problems are too big,
    visit the mental clinic!
[04:40] ---

2 - At What Point Is a Lolita Complex a Sickness?

Source: Crunchyroll
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SIGN    Comical Psychosomatic Medicine!
SIGN    Episode 2
    "At What Point is a
    Lolita Complex a Sickness?"
[00:12] Asuna
    Hello! I'm Nurse Asuna, and I
    work at the Yuu Mental Clinic.
[00:16] Ryou
    I'm a psychologist, Ryou.
[00:19] Asuna
    It's highly possible that you're thinking,
    "Wait, I've seen this before,"
[00:23] Asuna
    in an experience that is called "déjà vu."
[00:25] Ryou
    That wasn't déjà vu! That was the
    exact same opening as last time!
[00:28] Ryou
    What if you make people think we're in
[00:30] ---
    some harsh circumstances
    after only two episodes?!
[00:32] Ryou
    Wait, maybe this really is déjà vu...
[00:34] Asuna
    So, Doctor, how do people end
    up with mental illnesses?
[00:39] Ryou
    Why do you think they do, Asuna-san?
[00:44] Asuna
    Because their husbands are always on
    business trips and they're lonely!
[00:46] Ryou
    That's just an excuse for infidelity!
[00:48] Ryou
    There are many reasons why people
    end up with mental illnesses.
[00:51] Asuna
    But I get the feeling some people are
    naturally more prone to getting them...
[00:55] Ryou
    Yes, since one's family
    reflects one's personality,
[00:58] Ryou
    people with families that are prone to
    stress often show the same leanings.
[01:03] Asuna
    But that resemblance isn't always
    just because they're family.
[01:07] Asuna
    One of my relatives likes boobs,
    but his son likes butts.
[01:11] Ryou
    That's similar enough.
[01:12] Asuna
    And his grandson likes legs...
[01:14] Ryou
    This story continues?
[01:15] Ryou
    Now, are people with mental conditions
    naturally prone to end up with them?
[01:20] Ryou
    For instance, if one identical
    twin is depressed,
[01:22] Ryou
    it's said that there's a 70-80% chance
    the other will become depressed.
[01:26] Ryou
    But if this is completely
    determined by birth,
[01:28] Ryou
    the possibility should be 100%.
[01:30] Asuna
    Huh? What's the major cause, then?
[01:33] Ryou
    Here's a hint!
SIGN    En____ment
[01:35] Asuna
    I know! Enema treatment!
[01:37] Ryou
    How can you say that with
    such a lively face?!
[01:39] Ryou
    The answer is "environment."
[01:42] Ryou
    People differ greatly depending
    on the environment they were
SIGN    Environment
[01:45] ---
    raised in and live in.
[01:47] Ryou
    Mental illnesses don't happen as
    a result of any single factor.
[01:50] Ryou
    The human mind is comprised
    of a complex layering
[01:52] ---
    of everything they've experienced.
[01:54] Asuna
    I get it!
[01:55] Asuna
    By the way, Doctor, there's one
    other thing I've been wondering.
[01:59] Ryou
    What's that?
[01:59] Asuna
    Are people with lolita
    complexes actually sick?
[02:02] Ryou
    Lolita complex...
[02:04] Ryou
    Asuna-san, as a member of the medical
    practice, that's a term you must never use.
[02:07] Ryou
    In psychology, we don't
    call it "lolita complex."
SIGN    Roar
[02:09] Ryou
    We call it "pedophilia!"
SIGN    Lolita Complex
[02:12] Asuna
    I don't really care about the name...
SIGN    Pedophilia
[02:14] Asuna
    Whatever it is, at what point
    is it considered an illness?
[02:16] Ryou
    All right, just this once,
    let's start up a new segment.
[02:20] Ryou
    The Pedophilia Diagnosis Ultra Quiz!
[02:23] Asuna
    We're going for that parody now?
[02:24] Ryou
    Wanna take a bath with a little girl?!
[02:27] All
    Yeah!
[02:28] Asuna
    It's a gathering of perverts...
[02:30] Ryou
    The question: Sexual attraction to which of
[02:32] ---
    the following would be
    diagnosed as an illness?
[02:34] Ryou
    A: An 11th grade girl in a school swimsuit.
[02:37] Ryou
    B: A 9th grade girl in gym clothes.
[02:39] Ryou
    C: A 5th grade girl with a backpack.
[02:42] Asuna
    What?! Those are all wrong!
[02:44] Asuna
    They're all out! All those people are sick!
[02:45] Ryou
    Are you sure that's your answer?
[02:47] Ryou
    Actually, according to the American
    diagnosis standard known as the DSM-IV,
[02:50] Ryou
    people aged 13 or younger are considered
    the targets of pedophilia.
[02:53] Asuna
    What?!
[02:53] Ryou
    In other words, the only one that's
[02:55] ---
    considered a sickness is
    C: a 5th grade girl with a backpack!
[02:58] Asuna
    No, no, no, no! I can't agree with that!
[03:00] Ryou
    So if A or B is your preference,
    you're disqualified! Go home!
[03:01] Asuna
    Why do you all look disappointed?! Be proud!
[03:04] Ryou
    The question: Which of the following
    would be diagnosed as pedophilia?
[03:08] Ryou
    A: Holding hands with a
    girl of 13 or younger.
[03:09] Ryou
    B: Being kissed by a girl of 13 or younger.
[03:11] Asuna
    What?!
[03:12] Asuna
    Wait, B is clearly wrong, isn't it?
[03:14] Asuna
    But then again...
[03:15] Ryou
    Buzz!
[03:16] Ryou
    Actually, according to the DSM-IV,
[03:18] ---
    "pedophilia" is defined as sexual
    acts with a girl of 13 or younger.
[03:21] Ryou
    In other words, since neither is
    a sexual act, neither is correct!
[03:24] All
    Yeah!
[03:24] Asuna
    No, no, no, no! That definition
    of pedophilia is way too narrow!
[03:27] Asuna
    Besides, if it looked more like this, it'd be
    considered a sexual act, wouldn't it?!
SIGN    Pant Pant Pant Pant
[03:32] Ryou
    Well, although I do agree with that...
SIGN    Shock
[03:35] Ryou
    Either way, pedophilia should be
[03:37] ---
    distinguished from the vague concept
    commonly referred to as "lolita complex."
[03:41] Asuna
    So people who want to do things
    to girls like these aren't sick?!
[03:45] Ryou
    They are not!
[03:47] Ryou
    It may be wrong in terms of social ethics,
[03:49] Ryou
    but in psychiatry, it's considered safe!
[03:51] Ryou
    I want to stress that for the sake
    of all the men in this country!
[03:54] Asuna
    Why is he emphasizing this so much?!
[03:56] Asuna
    I still think guys who'll only look at
    little girls in middle school or below are sick...
[04:01] Ryou
    That's because you envy the young.
[04:06] Ryou
    Huh? Wh-What was I just doing?
[04:08] Asuna
    So, what causes pedophilia?
[04:10] Ryou
    Well... Actually, the cause is still unknown.
SIGN    Today's Theme:
    "Pedophilia"
[04:14] Asuna
    Then how can it be treated?
[04:16] Ryou
    Well, there is no decisive treatment method,
[04:19] Ryou
    but according to this book by
    the psychiatrist, Kaplan...
SIGN    Antiandrogen treatment is used to suppress sexual desires
[04:22] Asuna
    I see.
[04:23] Ryou
    Whoa, whoa! Don't inject me!
[04:25] Ryou
    Um, other treatment methods include...
SIGN    Admittance to a treatment facility
[04:31] Asuna
    That's a treatment facility,
    in a way, right?
[04:35] Ryou
    Is it a treatment facility?
SIGN    Send them to a mental clinic (or the police)
    before it becomes criminal!
SIGN    This program is a work of fiction. There is no guarantee that the treatments mentioned herein
    will work. Before having a medical exam, make sure the doctor deals in these treatments first.

3 - Cognitive Impairment... Is Your Intelligence Okay?

4 - How Do You Remedy a Sleep Disorder?

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Comical Psychosomatic Medicine!
SIGN    Episode 4
    "How Do You Remedy
    a Sleep Disorder?"
[00:11] Asuna
    I'm Nurse Asuna of Yuu Mental Clinic.
[00:14] Ryou
    I'm the psy—
[00:14] Asuna
    This is Dr. Ryou, who does nothing but
[00:16] ---
    count the stains on the ceiling
    from morning 'til night.
SIGN    Hello?
[00:18] Ryou
    Please stop. Some people
    might really believe that.
[00:22] Asuna
    By the way, Doctor, my grandpa hasn't
    been able to get to sleep recently.
[00:26] Asuna
    Could you give him some advice?
[00:28] Ryou
    Uh, sure, I can do that.
[00:31] Asuna
    Isn't that great, Grandpa?
[00:34] Ryou
    He's totally asleep!
[00:36] Ryou
    And why would you go to all this
    trouble to pretend you can't sleep?!
[00:39] Ryou
    So, um...
[00:40] Ryou
    I heard you haven't been able to
    get to sleep when you want to...
[00:44] Grandpa
    You don't get to sleep
    with me when you want to?
[00:47] Ryou
    You misheard me! And why are you blushing?!
[00:50] Grandpa
    That's right. I haven't
    been able to sleep...
[00:53] Grandpa
    with young girls.
[00:55] Ryou
    Who cares about that?!
[00:56] Asuna
    Doctor, this is a good opportunity,
[00:57] Asuna
    so could you teach us
    about insomnia this time?
[01:00] Ryou
    Then, before we get to insomnia,
    let's talk about sleep.
SIGN    Sleep
[01:03] Ryou
    There are two types of sleep:
    REM sleep and non-REM sleep.
SIGN    REM Sleep
SIGN    Non-REM Sleep
SIGN    Harem Sleep
[01:11] Asuna
    And that's ha-REM sleep, right?
[01:13] Ryou
    There's no such thing!
SIGN    REM Sleep
[01:14] Ryou
    REM sleep is the state
    when your brain is awake,
SIGN    Brain is awake,
    but body is asleep.
[01:17] ---
    but your body is asleep.
[01:19] Ryou
    This stage is when you have dreams.
[01:21] Ryou
    Many people experience
    sleep paralysis, as well.
[01:24] Guy
    I'm conscious, but I can't move...
[01:26] Ryou
    It's believed that this also
    occurs during REM sleep.
[01:30] Asuna
    Grandpa can't move!
[01:31] Ryou
    Being unable to move because you're tied up
[01:33] ---
    is not the same as sleep paralysis!
[01:35] Granpda
    This isn't REM sleep. It's M sleep.
SIGN    M Sleep
[01:38] Ryou
    What is this guy sleeptalking about?
[01:40] Ryou
    Non-REM sleep is the opposite.
[01:42] Ryou
    It's when your body is awake,
    but your brain is asleep.
SIGN    Eeek!
[01:46] Asuna
    Like that?
[01:47] Ryou
    Is his brain really asleep?!
[01:50] Ryou
    There are four stages of non-REM sleep.
SIGN    Non-REM Sleep
SIGN    Stage 1 Shallow

    Stage 2

    Stage 3

    Stage 4 Deep
[01:52] Ryou
    Each is said to be a progressively
    deeper state of sleep.
[01:55] Ryou
    But as we age, sleep becomes more
    shallow and stops at stage 2 or 3.
[02:00] Ryou
    This is why insomnia is more common.
[02:02] Asuna
    I see!
[02:03] Ryou
    Being stressed or worried about something
    also frequently causes insomnia.
SIGN    Stress / Worry
SIGN    Insomnia
[02:08] Asuna
    Speaking of worries,
[02:09] Asuna
    Mr. Y in Yuu Mental Clinic used
    to lose sleep on field trips
SIGN    A. Instinctive Reaction
[02:12] Asuna
    worrying about what he should do
SIGN    I love you, too!
SIGN    HUG
SIGN    B. Gentlemanly Reaction
[02:14] ---
    if a girl were to sneak into his room at night.
SIGN    You should treasure yourself! But okay!
SIGN    HUG
[02:15] Ryou
    Wow. That's the most pointless worry ever.
[02:18] Ryou
    There are two types of insomnia, as well.
SIGN    Insomnia Types
SIGN    Difficulty Falling Asleep
[02:20] Ryou
    One is difficulty falling asleep.
[02:22] Ryou
    This is the type more
    commonly caused by stress.
SIGN    Early Awakening
[02:25] Ryou
    The other is early awakening.
SIGN    Early Awakening
[02:27] Asuna
    Early awakening?!
[02:29] Mom
    Yoshio, breakfast is ready.
[02:31] Yoshio
    This is... my power...
[02:33] Ryou
    Wrong kind of awakening!
[02:34] Ryou
    What just awakened in Yoshio, anyway?!
SIGN    Early Awakening
[02:36] Ryou
    Early awakening means waking
    too early in the morning.
SIGN    Waking Too Early in the Morning
SIGN    Awakening Mid-Way
[02:39] Ryou
    It's also called awakening mid-way.
SIGN    Awakening Mid-Way
[02:42] Asuna
    Awakening mid-way?!
[02:43] Yamada
    This is... my power...
[02:46] Girl
    The mid-career hire, Yamada-san, is...
[02:48] Guy
    But I'm a new grad and I
    haven't had an awakening!
[02:50] Ryou
    Enough with the "awakening" jokes!
[02:52] Yoshio
    Let's do this, Dad!
[02:54] Yamada
    Can you surpass your father, Yoshio?!
[02:58] Yoshio
    Take this!
[02:59] Yamada
    I won't be defeated!
[03:14] Grandpa
    And so, civilization was destroyed...
[03:18] Grandpa
    And my very own harem kingdom was created!
[03:22] Ryou
    That was just your dream?!
SIGN    Sleep Disorders
SIGN    Other Patterns
[03:24] Ryou
    Other sleep disorders include
    day-night sleep rhythm reversal,
SIGN    Day-Night Sleep Rhythm Reversal
SIGN    Day-Night Sleep Rhythm Reversal Overall Shallow Sleep
[03:28] Ryou
    and overall shallow sleep.
[03:31] Ryou
    All difficulties sleeping are broadly
    referred to as sleep disorders.
[03:34] Asuna
    I have a friend who has difficulty
    resisting sleeping with anyone.
[03:38] Asuna
    Is that a sleep disorder?
[03:39] Grandpa
    Can you introduce me to her?
[03:41] Ryou
    Suddenly, he's awake!
[03:42] Ryou
    Regardless, there are many
    types of sleep disorders,
[03:46] Ryou
    but all of them can be
    remedied with medication.
[03:49] Asuna
    What options are there besides medication?
[03:51] Ryou
    There are several, such as turning off lights,
SIGN    Turning Off Lights
SIGN    Sleep Journal
[03:54] Ryou
    keeping a sleep journal,
SIGN    Turning Off Lights Earplugs
[03:56] Ryou
    using earplugs,
SIGN    Sleep Journal Raise Room Temperature
[03:57] Ryou
    and raising the room temperature a bit.
[04:00] Asuna
    I see!
[04:01] Ryou
    Still, the best remedy may be
    to not think about it too much.
[04:04] Ryou
    What's most important is to relax.
[04:06] Asuna
    Relax?
[04:07] Ryou
    Yes. If you just keep thinking,
    "I can't sleep! I have to get to sleep!"
[04:12] Ryou
    you'll just grow more mentally exhausted.
[04:14] Ryou
    Telling yourself that just
    lying down will calm your body
[04:18] ---
    and mind is important to relaxing.
SIGN    Today's Theme:
    "Sleep Disorders"
[04:20] Asuna
    Got it!
[04:22] Asuna
    Don't think about it, be calm,
    and relax, right?
[04:24] Ryou
    Right.
[04:26] Grandpa
    By the way...
[04:27] Grandpa
    I sleep pretty deeply sometimes.
[04:31] Grandpa
    When is my life going to
    have that kind of depth?
[04:35] Ryou
    I can't say much about that...
SIGN    This program is a work of fiction. There is no guarantee that the treatments mentioned herein
    will work. Before having a medical exam, make sure the doctor deals in these treatments first.
SIGN    If you're stuck in a deep place,
    visit the mental clinic!
SIGN

5 - Your Favorite Color Tells All About Your Mental State!

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Comical Psychosomatic Medicine!
SIGN    Episode 5
    "Your Favorite Color Tells
    All About Your Mental State!"
[00:10] Ryou
    Hello, everyone. I'm Ryou the psychologist.
[00:13] Asuna
    I'm Nurse Asuna.
[00:15] Iyashi
    I'm a goddess.
[00:17] Ryou
    Who is that?
[00:19] Iyashi
    I come when called! Hello!
[00:21] Iyashi
    I am the goddess of color.
[00:23] Ryou
    Goddess? Wait, wait, wait!
[00:24] Ryou
    This world view is already messed up!
[00:28] Asuna
    A simple gag anime doesn't have world views.
[00:31] Ryou
    She said it!
[00:31] Asuna
    Right, Sis?
[00:33] Iyashi
    That's right, Asuna.
[00:34] Ryou
    That's your sister?! So she's human, then!
[00:37] Asuna
    You really thought she was a goddess?
[00:39] Ryou
    What?!
[00:40] Iyashi
    Nice to meet you. I'm the eldest
    Kangoshi daughter, Kangoshi Iyashi.
[00:43] Iyashi
    Thanks for always taking
    care of my nurse sister.
[00:45] Ryou
    She's more polite than I expected!
[00:47] Asuna
    C'mon, Sis. I'm the one
    who takes care of him.
[00:49] Iyashi
    That's true. He seems like
    he needs a lot of care.
[00:53] Iyashi
    Do you change his diapers, too?
[00:54] Asuna
    Of course. He wets them right away.
[00:56] Iyashi
    Oh, dear.
[00:57] ---
    Big excitement leads to big floods, huh?
[00:59] Ryou
    What?!
[01:02] Ryou
    Now, today we'll conduct a
    psychological test using colors.
[01:05] Asuna
    A psychological test using colors?
[01:06] Asuna
    That's sexual harassment!
[01:07] Ryou
    Huh?
[01:08] Guy
    The color you chose is the color
    of the underwear you're wearing.
[01:12] Girl
    Oh, gosh!
[01:13] Iyashi
    Do you always sexually
    harass my sister this way?
[01:15] Iyashi
    Do you always direct that carnal lust
    upon young girls' soft, snow white skin?
[01:19] Ryou
    No! And why does that sound like
    some erotic novel for old men?!
[01:23] Ryou
    Anyway, choose your favorite
    from among these colors.
SIGN    Have You Chosen?
[01:27] Ryou
    And here's the explanation.
SIGN    White
[01:29] Ryou
    First, white.
[01:31] Ryou
    Do you know why
[01:32] ---
    the image of hospitals, including
    our white coats, is generally white?
[01:35] Asuna
    So no one will notice when
    you dribble toothpaste.
SIGN    Dribble
[01:38] Ryou
    No! It's not to hide stains!
[01:40] Iyashi
    That's not good, Asuna.
    Isn't the answer obvious?
[01:44] Iyashi
    Because it's obscene.
[01:45] Ryou
    I didn't expect her answer
    to come from that direction!
[01:47] Ryou
    In color psychology, white is said to
    give an image of purity and freshness.
[01:52] Ryou
    That clean image is why
    hospitals mainly use white.
[01:56] Iyashi
    So the contrast is what makes
    white coat cosplay so appealing!
[01:58] Iyashi
    That is obscene!
[01:59] Ryou
    You're still insisting on that?!
[02:01] Ryou
    Next is black, the color said
    to be white's exact opposite.
SIGN    Black
[02:03] Ryou
    In color psychology, people who
    like black are highly sensitive
[02:07] Ryou
    and tend to dislike being
    directed by others.
[02:10] Iyashi
    I like black.
[02:11] Ryou
    Really? I thought so...
[02:12] Iyashi
    Yes, that glistening,
    shimmering jet black...
[02:14] [SONG] Text
    Enthralled...
[02:15] Ryou
    Where are you trying to take this anime?!
[02:18] Ryou
    And then, red.
[02:18] [SONG] Text
    Red
[02:19] Ryou
    People who choose red are very dynamic,
[02:21] Ryou
    but they can have drastic mood swings
    and become emotionally unstable.
[02:25] Asuna
    Sis, you also like red, don't you?
[02:27] Iyashi
    I'm a super-cool young person in the now.
[02:30] Iyashi
    I'd be a liar, liar,
    pants on fire if I said I didn't.
[02:31] Ryou
    That language is a bit outdated!
[02:33] Ryou
    Red is also known as an "expansive color."
[02:35] Ryou
    Red makes things appear
    larger than they are.
SIGN    As Swift as Wind, As Silent as Forest, As Fierce as Fire As Unshakable as Mountain
SIGN    Wind, Forest, Fire, Mountain
    (Fuurin Kazan)
[02:38] Ryou
    Many men in Takeda Shingen's
    army colored their weapons red.
[02:42] Ryou
    It's said that they did so
    to intimidate their enemies.
[02:44] Iyashi
    So that's why they call red lucky
    underwear "Takeda's night army."
SIGN    Fuurin Kazan
[02:47] Ryou
    Why do you always take the
    conversation in that direction?
SIGN    Blue
[02:50] Ryou
    And then blue.
[02:51] Ryou
    People who like blue are
    said to be calm and quiet,
[02:55] Ryou
    and to be very respectful
    of social hierarchies.
[02:58] Asuna
    Yes! I like blue!
[03:00] Asuna
    I'm respectful of social hierarchies!
[03:01] Asuna
    So you do get it, even though
    you're just Dr. Ryou!
[03:04] Ryou
    Huh?! Has she decided that I'm beneath her?!
[03:06] Ryou
    Next is pink.
SIGN    Pink
[03:07] Ryou
    People who like pink are said
    to be peaceful and stable,
[03:10] Ryou
    but they have a tendency toward dependence.
[03:12] Ryou
    By the way, experiments showed
    that violent prisoners
[03:16] Ryou
    placed in a room painted pink
    took on a calmer mental state.
[03:19] Iyashi
    Wow...
[03:20] Iyashi
    What if they were placed in a
    room covered with pink flyers?
[03:22] Ryou
    That'd just make them sexually violent!
[03:24] Ryou
    There are other colors, like purple,
    which is said to indicate arrogance,
[03:29] Ryou
    but I'll digress a bit here.
[03:30] Ryou
    It's said that cool colors,
    like blue and aqua,
[03:32] Ryou
    and warm colors, like red and orange,
SIGN    Cool Colors
SIGN    Warm Colors
[03:35] Ryou
    cause people to sense time differently.
[03:38] Iyashi
    Which makes you more sensitive?
[03:40] Ryou
    That's not what I meant!
[03:41] Ryou
    When looking at cool colors,
    time feels shorter,
SIGN    Warm Colors
SIGN    Cool Colors
[03:44] Ryou
    and when looking at warm
    colors, time feels longer.
[03:46] Iyashi
    What if you're looking
    at man-on-man colors?
[03:49] Ryou
    That would stop time! Wrong kind of color!
[03:51] Ryou
    So when you're meeting with someone,
[03:53] Ryou
    it may be best to suggest a place with
    cool colors in case you're late.
[03:57] Iyashi
    Would it be okay to come a day late?
[04:00] Ryou
    He'd definitely turn blue, then.
[04:01] Ryou
    On the other hand, warm colors are often
    used in places that serve alcohol.
[04:06] Ryou
    This is a strategy to
    increase the turnover rate.
[04:08] Iyashi
    So wearing a red obi would make it
    easier to twirl a lady in kimono?
SIGN    Oh, nooooo!
SIGN    Turnover Rate Up!
[04:12] Ryou
    Not that kind of "turn"!
[04:13] Iyashi
    As you can see...
[04:15] Iyashi
    There are all kinds of
    psychology behind colors.
[04:17] Ryou
    Huh?!
[04:18] Iyashi
    For example, blue is ideal
    if you want to calm down.
[04:20] Iyashi
    If you want to work hard, red is ideal.
[04:22] Iyashi
    You should wear the color
    with the effect you desire,
[04:24] ---
    and keep that color around you.
[04:26] Iyashi
    I hope today's discussion has been helpful.
[04:28] Ryou
    She took over at the end
    and wrapped everything up!
[04:30] Asuna
    I thought we wouldn't make it to the end
[04:32] ---
    thanks to Dr. Ryou's pacing. Right, Sis?
[04:34] Iyashi
    That's right.
[04:35] Ryou
    That's entirely your fault, you two.
SIGN    This program is a work of fiction. There is no guarantee that the treatments mentioned herein
    will work. Before having a medical exam, make sure the doctor deals in these treatments first.
SIGN    If your pacing is off,
    visit the mental clinic!

6 - What Is Panic Disorder?

Source: Crunchyroll
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SIGN    Comical Psychosomatic Medicine!
SIGN    Episode 6
    "What Is Panic Disorder?"
[00:10] Asuna
    Hello, everyone!
[00:12] Asuna
    I'm Asuna, the nurse at Yuu Mental Clinic.
[00:15] Iyashi
    I'm Iyashi the nurse.
[00:17] Ryou
    I'm the psychologist—
[00:17] Both
    Together, we're the Sexy Nurse Sisters!
[00:20] Ryou
    Completely ignoring me now, huh?
[00:22] Ryou
    So, today's theme is panic disorders.
[00:25] Ryou
    Do you know what panic is, Asuna-san?
[00:28] Asuna
    Panic?
SIGN    Twinkle
SIGN    Run Run Run Run Run
[00:31] Girl
    Oh, no! I'm late!
SIGN    Thud
[00:37] Bubble
    Yaaah!
[00:38] Girl
    Ow...
[00:40] Girl
    W-Watch where you're going—
[00:48] Girl
    My heart is racing!
[00:50] Girl
    I'm in a panic!
[00:52] Asuna
    Is this panic?
[00:54] Ryou
    That never happens in this day and age!
[00:56] Asuna
    But it's what every girl dreams of.
[00:58] Ryou
    Every girl dreams of seeing a boy with
    his legs spread and his fly open?!
[01:03] Iyashi
    What are you saying, Asuna?
[01:05] Iyashi
    That scenario isn't realistic at all.
[01:08] Ryou
    That's right.
[01:10] Iyashi
    When two people collide,
    they end up like this.
[01:12] Ryou
    That's an erotic accident that
    defies the laws of physics!
[01:15] Iyashi
    What's crucial here is to utilize this
    established fact while the girl is panicked—
[01:19] Ryou
    You're continuing this story?!
    And what "established fact"?!
SIGN    Panic Disorder
[01:23] Ryou
    Panic disorder is a condition in which
    someone has repeated panic attacks.
SIGN    Whisper Whisper
[01:27] Asuna
    Did you hear that, ma'am? It's the
    "panic" part we don't understand.
[01:31] Iyashi
    I did, ma'am. There are always guys like
    that who just keep talking in circles.
[01:36] Ryou
    Please stop rebuking me and
    making it look like idle gossip.
SIGN    Panic Attack
[01:39] Ryou
    A panic attack is the sudden
    outbreak of symptoms
SIGN    Heart Palpitations
[01:42] Ryou
    like heart palpitations, sweating,
    trembling, difficulty breathing,
SIGN    Heart Palpitations Sweating
SIGN    Heart Palpitations Sweating Trembling
SIGN    Heart Palpitations Sweating Trembling Difficulty Breathing
SIGN    Heart Palpitations Sweating Trembling Difficulty Breathing Chest Discomfort
[01:45] Ryou
    and chest discomfort due
    to anxiety or stress.
[01:48] Iyashi
    Chest pleasure...
[01:50] Ryou
    You're missing an important detail!
[01:52] Asuna
    That's a sign you're healthy, Onee-chan!
[01:54] Ryou
    What you're imagining is unhealthy!
[01:55] Ryou
    Symptoms may also include the feeling that
    your senses are off, such as lightheadedness.
[02:00] Iyashi
    Like your morals are off...
[02:03] Guy
    Forget your boyfriend
    and go out with me.
[02:03] Iyashi
    I'd better be careful.
[02:05] Girl
    Hmm, what should I do...
[02:05] Ryou
    Your senses!
[02:06] Ryou
    Bad morals isn't a sickness!
    It's just your personality!
[02:09] Ryou
    Now, here's a question.
[02:10] Ryou
    What do you think happens when these
    panic attacks occur repeatedly?
[02:14] Iyashi
    When panic occurs repeatedly?
SIGN    Panic
    Panic
    Panic
[02:19] Ryou
    Get away from that scenario already!
[02:21] Ryou
    This girl has way too many erotic accidents!
[02:24] Ryou
    When panic attacks occur
    repeatedly, patients often...
[02:27] Girl
    What if it happens again?
[02:29] Ryou
    ...begin to worry about this.
[02:30] Ryou
    We call this anticipatory anxiety.
SIGN    Anticipatory Anxiety
[02:32] Ryou
    If this persists for a month
    along with panic attacks,
[02:35] Ryou
    the patient is diagnosed with panic disorder.
SIGN    Agoraphobia
[02:37] Ryou
    And if anticipatory anxiety
    persists too long,
[02:39] Ryou
    it can lead to agoraphobia.
[02:42] Iyashi
    Is that when you're scared
    of big, open places?
[02:45] Woman
    By the way, Yamada-san, next door, is moving
    to a stand-alone house next month.
[02:51] Woman
    We could never do that.
[02:53] Woman
    I'm scared of big houses...
[02:56] Woman
    Our tiny, six-mat, one-room apartment
    is much more relaxing.
[03:00] Woman
    Oh, big places just terrify me...
[03:02] Ryou
    That's a demand disguised as a phobia!
[03:03] Ryou
    The pressure she's putting on
    him is way more terrifying!
[03:05] Ryou
    It's often misinterpreted, but agoraphobia
    isn't a fear of big, open places.
[03:10] Ryou
    Let's look at the English term.
[03:11] Ryou
    "Phobia" refers to a specific fear.
[03:13] Ryou
    Do you know what "agora" means?
SIGN    The Chin Beast
    Agolla
[03:17] Asuna
    Agolla!
[03:18] Ryou
    It's not a monster.
[03:20] Iyashi
    Agowa...
[03:22] Girl
    Ah! Go 'way!
[03:22] Girl
    Ah! Go 'way!
[03:23] Ryou
    Is the husband from before trying
    to placate her with sex appeal?!
[03:25] Iyashi
    He was inspired by the monster.
[03:26] Ryou
    That wasn't clever at all!
[03:28] Ryou
    "Agora" originated in ancient Greece,
[03:30] Ryou
    and referred to a place where
    many people came together.
[03:33] Ryou
    So agoraphobia is the fear of places
    with a lot of people and no way out.
[03:38] Ryou
    It can be in an elevator, a train,
    a meeting, or a concert hall.
[03:41] Ryou
    How big the space is doesn't matter,
[03:43] Ryou
    and it can occur even if
    there isn't a huge crowd.
SIGN    Panic Attacks
[03:45] Ryou
    So the severity of panic disorder
    increases with the progression from
SIGN    Panic Attacks
    ↓
    Anticipatory Anxiety
SIGN    Panic Attacks
    ↓
    Anticipatory Anxiety
    ↓
    Agoraphobia
[03:50] Ryou
    panic attacks to anticipatory
    anxiety to agoraphobia.
[03:52] Ryou
    If symptoms haven't become severe yet,
SIGN    Today's Theme:
    "Panic Disorder"
[03:54] Ryou
    a majority of cases can be treated
    quickly with medication or counseling.
[03:59] Ryou
    What's important to remember in panic
    attacks is not to try to handle it all alone.
[04:02] Ryou
    When you're panicking,
[04:04] Ryou
    you only put more pressure on yourself
    when you try to handle it alone.
[04:08] Iyashi
    So it's a vicious circle.
[04:10] Ryou
    "If it starts to bother me,
    I'll get off the train."
[04:12] Ryou
    "I'll go talk to my friend."
[04:14] Ryou
    Just thinking about measures
    like these can calm you down.
SIGN    Today's Theme:
    "Panic Disorder"
[04:18] Ryou
    There's no need to keep
    everything to yourself.
[04:20] Ryou
    It's okay to rely on measures like those.
[04:22] Both
    Got it!
[04:23] Ryou
    By the way, Iyashi-san,
[04:25] Ryou
    have you ever been in a situation you
    wanted to escape from, but couldn't?
[04:28] Iyashi
    Wanted to escape, but couldn't?
[04:31] Iyashi
    The pressure from my parents to get married.
[04:34] Ryou
    Uh, that topic runs too deep,
    so let's hold off on that.
SIGN    This program is a work of fiction. There is no guarantee that the treatments mentioned herein
    will work. Before having a medical exam, make sure the doctor deals in these treatments first.
SIGN    If you want to run away,
    visit the mental clinic!

7 - What Kind of Disorder Is Depression?

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Comical Psychosomatic Medicine!
[00:10] Ryou
    Hello. I'm Ryou the psychologist.
SIGN    Episode 7
    "What Kind of
    Disorder is Depression?"
[00:13] Ryou
    And this is... Huh?
[00:15] Ryou
    Asuna-san?
[00:16] Asuna
    I'm sorry for all the stuff I did before.
[00:19] Asuna
    I'm going to drop the dirty jokes this time.
[00:22] Ryou
    What happened?!
[00:22] Ryou
    Now, this time, we'll be discussing
    what's known as "CES-D."
[00:27] Ryou
    Asuna-san, do you know what CES-D means?
[00:29] Asuna
    CES-D...
[00:31] Asuna
    "Cute Acting Manager Endou sexually
    harassed women by dropping his pants," right?
[00:35] Ryou
    Didn't you just say you'd
    drop the dirty jokes?!
[00:37] [SONG] Text
    Dropped Dirty Jokes
[00:37] Asuna
    Huh? I meant "dirty jokes about dropping."
[00:38] [SONG] Text
    Dropped (Pants) Dirty Jokes
[00:40] Ryou
    There's seriously no saving this anime now!
[00:43] Asuna
    And so, today we're bringing you the anime
[00:45] Asuna
    Comical Psychosomatic Medicine
    just as we always do!
[00:48] Ryou
    Anyway, CES-D stands for "Center of
    Epidemiologic Studies depression scale."
[00:54] Ryou
    In short, it's a test to determine
    one's level of depression.
[00:57] Asuna
    "If you're in pain, take a
    CES-D right away," right?
[00:59] Ryou
    That's Seds!
[01:01] Ryou
    There are a total of 20 questions,
[01:03] Ryou
    but we'll just look at a few today.
[01:06] Ryou
    If any apply to you lately, answer "yes."
SIGN    Question: You are unable to concentrate.
[01:12] Ryou
    Asuna-san, are you able to concentrate?
SIGN    Looking for a Boyfriend
SIGN    Serious, As In "For Real"
[01:14] Asuna
    Yep! I'm concentrating
    on finding a boyfriend!
[01:16] Ryou
    Not that! You're concentrating,
    but I didn't mean like that!
SIGN    Question: You feel as if you're talking less than usual.
[01:21] Asuna
    Oh, yeah, I haven't been talking much.
[01:23] Asuna
    I'm not very good at talking
    to begin with, anyway.
[01:27] Asuna
    You know, when a cute girl like me talks,
[01:27] Ryou
    So that's a "no."
[01:28] Asuna
    everywordisperceivedas
    reallymeaningful,right?
SIGN    Question: You feel as if your life is a failure.
[01:33] Asuna
    I hate the word "failure."
[01:36] Ryou
    Huh? What's gotten into you?
[01:38] Asuna
    The moment I say "failure," (shippai)
    I feel like I've given up on everything.
[01:42] Asuna
    That's why I only say part of the word.
SIGN    —pai
[01:45] Asuna
    The "pai" part.
[01:46] Ryou
    Don't omit that part!
[01:47] Ryou
    You'll give people the wrong image!
SIGN    Question: You often feel afraid of something.
[01:52] Asuna
    Yes, of...
[01:54] Asuna
    my own beauty.
[01:55] Ryou
    Yeah, that's scary, all right.
SIGN    Question: You can't sleep well.
[01:59] Ryou
    Are you sleeping well lately, Asuna-san?
[02:01] Asuna
    What? How rude! Of course
    I would never do that!
SIGN    Housewives in the Bedroom in the Afternoon
[02:05] Asuna
    That's when a mature woman
    goes to sleep, right?
[02:07] Ryou
    The "mature woman" thing aside,
    you're thinking like an old man!
[02:10] Ryou
    Anyway, this test can diagnose
    depression with 70-90% accuracy.
SIGN    Diagnoses depression
    with 70-90% accuracy
[02:15] Ryou
    I'll omit the other questions
    and the scoring standards,
[02:18] Ryou
    but if you answer a fourth or more of the
    questions with "yes," you should take action.
[02:21] Asuna
    I see!
[02:22] Ryou
    By the way, medicines to treat depression
    are called "antidepressants,"
SIGN    Antidepressants
[02:24] Ryou
    and the type used by about 70%
    of patients is called "SSRI."
[02:29] Asuna
    What?!
[02:32] Guy
    Rub, rub, rub, rub, rub...
SIGN    Rubbing (susuri)?
[02:36] Asuna
    This guy's a pickpocket (suri)!
[02:37] Ryou
    That's just plain molestation!
[02:39] Ryou
    SSRI stands for "selective
    serotonin reuptake inhibitors."
[02:45] Asuna
    I don't understand English.
[02:47] Ryou
    Why are you a foreigner?!
[02:49] Ryou
    Also, if you're a foreigner,
    you should know English!
[02:51] Ryou
    In simple terms, it's a drug that inhibits
    the reuptake of the neotransmitter serotonin.
SIGN    Inhibits the reuptake of the
    neotransmitter serotonin
[02:57] Ryou
    Try and imagine a cabaret club.
[02:59] Asuna
    A cabaret club?!
[03:00] Ryou
    And think of serotonin as a
    hostess working at the club.
SIGN    Serotonin
[03:03] Girl
    Thank you for requesting me!
[03:05] Asuna
    I can't imagine that!
[03:06] Asuna
    Using a cabaret club hostess as
    an analogy is too bold, Doctor!
[03:10] Ryo
    Tsk, tsk, tsk.
[03:11] Ryou
    The pros call them the "cast."
[03:13] Asuna
    That doesn't matter here!
[03:14] Ryou
    And the guests at the club are nerves.
SIGN    Nerve
SIGN    Normal
[03:17] Ryou
    The ones we refer to as depressed
[03:18] Ryou
    have fewer cast—that is,
    less serotonin—than those who are not.
SIGN    Depressed
[03:22] Ryou
    That's why the guests are depressed, too.
[03:24] Asuna
    Do you really want people
    to understand it this way?!
[03:26] Ryou
    And after some time,
[03:27] Ryou
    the cast is called by a guy in a suit
    and vanishes into the back of the club.
[03:29] Guy
    Seroko-san, you've been requested.
[03:32] Girl
    Sorry, I'm being called.
[03:35] Ryou
    That reduces their numbers even further.
[03:37] Ryou
    This is the reuptake of serotonin.
[03:40] Asuna
    He should go home! He should just go home!
SIGN    SSRI Man
[03:42] Ryou
    And that's where SSRI comes in!
[03:45] Ryou
    He stops the guy in the
    suit from doing his job.
[03:47] Ryou
    Then the cast can no longer vanish
    into the back of the club,
[03:51] Ryou
    so more and more arrive as they're requested.
[03:52] Ryou
    This is "inhibiting the
    reuptake of serotonin,"
[03:55] Ryou
    also known as Shangri-La!
[03:57] Asuna
    D-Doctor?!
[03:58] Ryou
    When this happens, the guests are happy!
[04:00] Ryou
    And so, they are relieved
    of their depression.
[04:02] All
    Thank you, SSRI Man!
[04:04] Asuna
    This almost sounds like a nice story
    now, even though it's a cabaret club!
[04:07] Ryou
    By the way, there's a similar
    type of drug called "SNRI."
[04:10] Ryou
    These inhibit the reuptake of the
[04:10] Asuna
    SSRI and SNRI?
[04:10] Asuna
    Is there one called SIRI?
[04:12] Ryou
    neurotransmitter norepinephrine,
    as well as serotonin.
SIGN    Butt
[04:14] Ryou
    That would be "shiri" (butt)!
    There's no drug with that name!
SIGN    Today's Theme:
    "Depression"
[04:17] Ryou
    Anyway, be sure to consult a doctor
    before taking any medication.
[04:21] Asuna
    Got it!
[04:22] Asuna
    But, Doctor, did you know
    there's a drug that's
[04:24] Asuna
    better than anything else
    for calming people's hearts?
[04:27] Ryou
    Huh?
[04:31] Asuna
    It's love.
[04:33] Ryou
    If you think the value of love
    is going to mean anything in
[04:36] Ryou
    an anime so full of dirty jokes, you're very wrong.
SIGN    This program is a work of fiction. There is no guarantee that the treatments mentioned herein
    will work. Before having a medical exam, make sure the doctor deals in these treatments first.
SIGN    If you're lacking in love,
    visit the mental clinic!

8 - What's a Surefire Way to Remedy an ED?

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Comical Psychosomatic Medicine!
SIGN    Episode 8
    "What's a Surefire
    Way to Remedy an ED?"
[00:14] Asuna
    Hey, Onee-chan, look at all these shells!
[00:17] Iyashi
    And look at all these moray eels!
[00:20] Iyashi
    Try and catch them!
[00:21] Asuna
    Hey! Onee-chan!
[00:24] Ryou
    Why am I the only one
    in a white coat, anyway?
[00:27] Ryou
    I just look like a pervert.
[00:29] Himeru
    E-Excuse me...
[00:34] Ryou
    What is that creature?!
SIGN    Sploosh
[00:41] Asuna
    O-Onee-chan?!
[00:43] Iyashi
    Himeru?
[00:44] Ryou
    There's another Kangoshi now?!
[00:47] Himeru
    I'm embarrassed to be seen, so I was
    hiding behind the sea cucumbers...
[00:50] Ryou
    I'm so embarrassed!
[00:51] Ryou
    I'm far more embarrassed than you are!
[00:52] Iyashi
    Come on, Himeru. Introduce yourself.
[00:55] Himeru
    N-Nice to meet you, Mr. Sea Cucumber.
[00:57] Ryou
    Who introduces themselves to a sea cucumber?!
[00:58] Iyashi
    No, no. That's a sea cucumber, too,
    but I meant the one in the white coat.
[01:03] Ryou
    I'm a sea cucumber?!
[01:05] Himeru
    I hold burning passion in my heart!
[01:07] Himeru
    I will protect your heart!
[01:09] Ryou
    A catch phrase?!
[01:10] Himeru
    I'm the second Kangoshi
    daughter, Kangochi Pime!
[01:12] Ryou
    She said it wrong!
[01:13] Asuna
    Onee-chan, you came to ask Dr.
    Ryou something, didn't you?
[01:16] Himeru
    Oh, r-right...
SIGN    Poing
[01:18] Himeru
    It's actually about the urinary organs...
    Rather, the genital organs...
[01:19] [SONG] SFX
    Floop
SIGN    Poing
[01:21] Himeru
    A lot of people come to me
    for help with ED lately.
[01:21] [SONG] SFX
    Floop
SIGN    Poing
[01:23] [SONG] SFX
    Floop
[01:24] Ryou
    Ah, ED, huh?
[01:25] Ryou
    And don't talk about that
    while holding a sea cucumber!
[01:27] Himeru
    The pervert in the trunks and
    white coat is being mean!
[01:30] Ryou
    Pervert? Me?!
[01:31] Iyashi
    Yes...
[01:32] Iyashi
    It is strange that he's wearing trunks.
[01:34] Ryou
    I'd be more of a pervert
    if I weren't wearing them!
[01:37] Ryou
    Now then, today we'll be
    talking about ED once more.
SIGN    °The swimsuit fan service is now over.
    Thank you for understanding.
[01:41] Asuna
    Question, Doctor!
[01:42] Asuna
    At what point is ED considered ED?
[01:44] Iyashi
    Most likely...
SIGN    Is it harder than diamond?
SIGN    Can it hammer nails?
SIGN    Can it pierce concrete?
SIGN    If you answered "No" to any of these → ED
[01:46] Ryou
    That's too strict!
SIGN    •It takes a long time to achieve erection.
    •Erection is lost before completing the act.
    •Difficult to achieve erection on certain days.
[01:47] Ryou
    Many people have the wrong idea.
[01:49] Ryou
    ED doesn't mean one can't
    get an erection at all.
[01:52] Ryou
    Any condition resulting in
    low sexual satisfaction,
[01:54] Ryou
    including these, is considered ED.
[01:56] Asuna
    Doctor...
[01:57] Asuna
    This anime has used the word "erection"
    more than any adult anime.
[02:00] Ryou
    It's an episode about
    erections! I can't help it!
SIGN    We might make the Guinness Book of World Erectords
SIGN    Erectords!?
[02:02] Himeru
    So, what causes ED?
SIGN    Physical Causes
SIGN    Mental Causes
[02:04] [SONG] Text
    Causes of ED
[02:04] Ryou
    There are mental and physical causes.
[02:06] Ryou
    The most serious causes are physical.
SIGN    Physical Causes
SIGN    Diabetes • High Blood Pressure
    Hyperlipidemia • Stroke
    Heart Attack, etc.
[02:08] Asuna
    What? But those conditions
    aren't that common, are they?
[02:12] Ryou
    Fool! Don't take these lightly!
[02:15] Asuna
    Who are you now?!
[02:16] Ryou
    The greatest cause of ED is
    said to be arteriosclerosis.
SIGN    Normal Blood Arteriosclerosis
    Blood flows easily Blood flow restricted
[02:20] Ryou
    Hardened arteries make already-narrow
    blood vessels even narrower,
SIGN    Width of Various Arteries
SIGN    Genitalia Around the Heart Around the Brain
[02:24] Ryou
    making erection difficult.
SIGN    Shwing
[02:26] Ryou
    In other words,
[02:27] Ryou
    if you're prone to ED and you also suffer
    from any of these, seek attention!
SIGN    Someone in your family has one of these conditions. You don't exercise much. You like sweets.
[02:31] Ryou
    Don't just brush it off as "in your mind."
[02:33] Ryou
    Exercise and watch what you eat! Understand?!
SIGN    Squeak...
[02:36] Ryou
    She passed out?!
[02:37] Asuna
    It's because you're shouting so loud, Doctor.
SIGN    Himeru's Heart Genital Arteries
[02:40] Asuna
    Onee-chan's heart is very small and delicate.
[02:43] Ryou
    What?! Wait, don't compare
    it to genital arteries!
SIGN    Mental Causes
[02:46] [SONG] Text
    •Extreme anxiety
    •Work stress
    •Mental conditions such as depression
[02:46] Ryou
    Of course, it may be for
    strictly mental reasons.
[02:49] Ryou
    Things like stress and extreme anxiety
    can also restrict blood flow,
SIGN    Mental conditions
    such as depression
SIGN    Extreme Anxiety

    Work Stress
[02:52] Ryou
    making erection difficult.
[02:54] Asuna
    I see. So either way,
    it comes back to blood vessels.
[02:57] Asuna
    How do you reduce anxiety, then?
[02:59] Ryou
    The best way is to express you're anxious.
[03:02] Asuna
    Huh?
SIGN    I can't be nervous!
[03:03] Ryou
    The more you tell yourself not to be
    nervous, the more pressure it puts on you.
SIGN    Get up!
[03:06] Ryou
    Stating that you're nervous
    will reduce the stress,
[03:08] Ryou
    making erection easier.
SIGN    I'm so nervous...
[03:09] Guy
    Sorry... I'm so nervous...
SIGN    You need an enema?
[03:11] Girl
    You need an enema?
[03:12] Ryou
    There's no way she could
    mishear him that much.
[03:13] Himeru
    But you can't tell whether the
    cause is mental or physical, right?
[03:17] Ryou
    No, either way, blood vessels are the
[03:19] Ryou
    root cause, so there are solutions.
SIGN    Viagra
    Levitra
    Cialis
[03:21] Ryou
    Yes, when we think of ED,
[03:23] Ryou
    we think of drugs like
[03:25] Ryou
    Viagra, Levitra, and Cialis.
[03:27] Asuna
    But I've often heard that drugs
    like these are bad for your heart.
[03:31] Ryou
    Well, aside from people with
    existing heart conditions,
[03:34] Ryou
    these drugs themselves are
    not entirely to blame.
[03:36] Ryou
    Most effects on the heart
    are caused not by the drug
[03:39] Ryou
    so much as by what you do after taking it.
[03:42] Asuna
    What would you do after taking it?
[03:43] Ryou
    You're asking that now?
[03:45] Himeru
    Can you buy the drugs online?
[03:48] Ryou
    Well, when drugs are sold online,
    it's not uncommon to find fakes.
[03:52] Ryou
    It's safer to get a prescription
    from a medical institution.
SIGN    Rule of Paraguay
[03:55] Guy
    Congratulations!
[03:55] Asuna
    They sent him Paraguay instead of Viagra...
[03:56] All
    King! King! King!
[03:58] Ryou
    A fake that big isn't even possible!
SIGN    Paraguay
[04:00] Guy
    Delivery.
[04:01] Himeru
    They sent him a chipmunk instead of Cialis...
SIGN    Are you mean?
[04:03] Ryou
    Don't swallow that!
    It won't give you an erection!
[04:06] Iyashi
    They sent him a young, rich, faithful,
    handsome young man instead of Levitra.
[04:07] Guy
    Hi!
[04:10] Ryou
    Okay, that's not even a pun.
    That's just what you wish for.
[04:13] Ryou
    Regardless, if you're
    successful even just once,
[04:16] Ryou
    it may work out naturally the next time.
SIGN    Today's Theme:
    "ED"
    (Erectile Dysfunction)
[04:19] Ryou
    Don't stress over it alone.
    Start by opening up to someone.
[04:22] All
    Okay!
[04:23] Ryou
    By the way, Himeru-san,
[04:25] Ryou
    what advice would you give to a man
    who's too nervous to achieve an erection?
[04:29] Himeru
    U-Um...
[04:32] Himeru
    Don't stiffen up so much...
[04:35] Ryou
    That's a bit contradictory.
SIGN    This program is a work of fiction. There is no guarantee that the treatments mentioned herein
    will work. Before having a medical exam, make sure the doctor deals in these treatments first.
SIGN    If you're suffering from contradictions,
    visit the mental clinic!

9 - How Do You Remedy Fetishism?

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Comical Psychosomatic Medicine!
[00:04] Asuna
    There is one hidden difference
    between these two images.
[00:07] Himeru
    Can you tell where it is?
[00:10] Ryou
    Of course they can tell!
    It's not even hidden!
SIGN    Episode 9
    "How Do You Remedy Fetishism?"
[00:14] Asuna
    The answer is...
[00:17] Asuna
    The shape of the leaves!
SIGN    Did you notice it?
[00:19] Ryou
    What?! There's something else on
    a completely different level!
[00:21] Himeru
    Actually, Iyashi-oneechan's hair does
    look a bit shorter in this one.
[00:26] Asuna
    Yeah, now that you mention
    it, her hair is...
[00:28] Ryou
    Is that what your sister looks
    like with shorter hair?!
[00:31] Asuna
    If you didn't notice the leaves,
    you have problems paying attention!
SIGN    Point
[00:36] Ryou
    That's an issue of attentiveness?!
SIGN    Boom
[00:37] Asuna
    Okay, then, you're gullible!
[00:39] Ryou
    Isn't there some other way to put it?!
[00:40] Himeru
    Then you have such an abnormal
    fascination with men in negligee
[00:44] Himeru
    that you couldn't see anything else.
[00:46] Ryou
    That's the worst result possible!
[00:47] Shitaki
    Honestly, why can't you
    admit to your mistake?
[00:50] ---
    That's not manly at all.
[00:51] Ryou
    Gah! He's in the conversation now!
[00:53] Ryou
    Also, I don't want to be lectured
    about manliness by a guy in negligee!
[00:57] Shitaki
    But more importantly, who am I?!
[00:58] Ryou
    That's what I want to know!
[01:00] Shitaki
    You want to know that badly?
[01:02] Ryou
    No, not really.
[01:07] Asuna
    Why does he have my underwear?!
SIGN    Slide
SIGN    Slide
[01:09] Himeru
    And my underwear, too! H-He's a pervert!
[01:12] Ryou
    Um, he was a pervert before that, too.
[01:15] Shitaki
    Girls' underwear is mine,
[01:18] Shitaki
    and my underwear is mine!
[01:20] Ryou
    Are you Gi*n?!
[01:22] Shitaki
    I wear it on my head, therefore I am!
[01:27] Shitaki
    I am the king of underwear fetishes,
[01:29] Shitaki
    Shitaki Fueichi!
[01:32] Ryou
    Your catch phrase, your name,
    and the way you dress
[01:34] ---
    are all disgusting!
[01:35] Asuna
    R-Run, Onee-chan! Leave this to me!
SIGN    Shove Shove
[01:39] Himeru
    No! You run first!
[01:39] Ryou
    Sisterly love in words only...
[01:41] Shitaki
    Oh, don't worry, ladies.
[01:43] Shitaki
    I have no interest in the
    people who wear these.
SIGN    Crack
SIGN    Thud
SIGN    Spin Spin Spin
SIGN    Mmf Mmf
[01:48] Iyashi
    So, since he's dangerous,
    I captured him with my underwear.
[01:51] Ryou
    Th-Those binds are...?!
[01:53] Himeru
    Um, is he mentally ill, too?
[01:55] Asuna
    Surely not! If he's sick,
    psychiatry would be a really tough jo—
[01:59] Ryou
    Well, yes.
[02:00] Ryou
    He has a disorder known in
    psychiatry as "fetishism."
SIGN    Fetishism
[02:04] Asuna
    Psychiatry is a tough job!
[02:07] Himeru
    Um, that means he has a fetish, right?
[02:10] Ryou
    Yes.
[02:10] Himeru
    I-I don't know much about it...
[02:12] Himeru
    Is it like a foot fetish, bust fetish,
[02:14] Himeru
    nape-after-a-bath fetish,
    navel-showing-under-a-tight-shirt fetish,
[02:17] Himeru
    or slightly-sweaty-clavicle-on-
    a-summer-day fetish?
[02:20] Ryou
    You don't know much?
    I'd say you know too much.
[02:23] Himeru
    But at what point is it an illness?
[02:25] Ryou
    This is what the DSM-IV says.
SIGN    When intense sexual urges, fantasies,
    or behavior toward an inanimate object occur
    continually or repeatedly for six months or more.
[02:29] Asuna
    It has to go on for six months, then?
[02:32] Master
    I will not recognize you as a fanatic
    if you only have a five-month history!
[02:34] Master
    Come back after washing
    your face with a bra!
[02:36] Guy
    Damn!
[02:37] Ryou
    The diagnostic criteria aren't a contest
    of how long you've been a fanatic!
[02:40] Iyashi
    Six months, huh?
[02:41] Iyashi
    Then if it's this type of underwear,
    he'd be accepted right away, right?
SIGN    I wore these for
    six months! -Mizuho
[02:45] Guy
    How about this, Master?!
[02:46] Master
    Good. I initiate you into
    the art of fetishism.
[02:49] Ryou
    Secondhand underwear?!
[02:49] Ryou
    And those "six months"
    are totally irrelevant!
[02:52] Ryou
    What really counts is the
    "inanimate object" part.
[02:55] Ryou
    That means foot fetishes and bust fetishes
    are not classified as fetishism.
SIGN    Whew
[02:59] Asuna
    What types are there, then?
[03:01] Ryou
    There are many,
[03:02] Ryou
    such as high heels, low heels, stilettos,
[03:05] ---
    mules, sneakers, pumps, long boots,
    fur boots, rain boots, sandals...
[03:07] Asuna
    Why are they all shoes?
[03:09] ---
    Are you a shoe fetishist?!
SIGN    Today's Theme:
    "Fetishism"
[03:10] Himeru
    Then does anyone who's
    excited by an inanimate
[03:13] ---
    object suffer from fetishism?
[03:15] Ryou
    Actually, there's one other condition.
SIGN    Those sexual urges, fantasies, or behaviors cause considerable suffering or interference in the patient's social life and or career.
[03:19] Ryou
    In other words, if it doesn't
    cause problems, then it's fine.
[03:21] Himeru
    What sorts of problems?
[03:23] Ryou
    For example...
SIGN    I can't get
    turned on
    unless you
    wear a
    Chinese
    outfit!
[03:25] Ryou
    Since it's causing problems
    in this couple's married life,
SIGN    No
    way
    !!
[03:28] ---
    it may be diagnosed as an illness...
SIGN    You'll wear a Chinese outfit for me?
[03:30] Ryou
    But there's no problem if
    the partner accepts it,
SIGN    If it'll make you happy...
[03:33] ---
    so it's not an illness.
[03:34] Asuna
    That's the Chinese outfit he meant?!
[03:35] Ryou
    And some men with underwear
    fetishes steal them
[03:37] ---
    instead of buying them.
[03:39] Ryou
    That is a problem, of course.
[03:40] Asuna
    Ah...
[03:41] Ryou
    But now, underwear can be bought online,
[03:44] ---
    so it seems there are fewer problems.
[03:46] Shitaki
    It can't beat the charm of the real thing.
[03:48] Shitaki
    Our internet-centric
    society seems convenient,
[03:50] ---
    but it's lost something important.
[03:51] Ryou
    That sounds cool out of context,
    but it's really terrible!
[03:53] Ryou
    You've lost a lot of important things!
[03:55] Himeru
    What treatment methods are there?
SIGN    Today's Theme:
    "Fetishism"
[03:57] Ryou
    According to this book by
    the psychiatrist, Kaplan...
SIGN    Allow the patient to feel excited by the object until he tires of it.
SIGN    Pant Pant Pant
[04:05] Asuna
    When is he going to get tired of it?
[04:07] Ryou
    Before he dies, I'm sure...
[04:08] Ryou
    Kaplan also wrote more on
    the subject of treatment.
SIGN    Treatment will only help to a certain extent.
[04:12] Asuna
    So it can never be completely healed, then.
[04:14] Ryou
    Yes. I guess Dr. Kaplan gave up.
[04:17] Ryou
    Regardless, why not just avoid stealing,
[04:19] Ryou
    and find ways to use your fetish
    to maximize sexual stimulation?
[04:25] Asuna
    Thank you for that safe summation.
[04:27] Ryou
    By the way,
[04:28] Ryou
    Iyashi-san, is there anything
    about men that turns you on?
[04:31] Iyashi
    Huh?
[04:33] Iyashi
    Money.
[04:35] Ryou
    That's not... what I meant...
SIGN    If you're too fixated on one
    thing, visit the mental clinic!
SIGN    This program is a work of fiction. There is no guarantee that the treatments mentioned herein
    will work. Before having a medical exam, make sure the doctor deals in these treatments first.
[04:40] ---

10 - How Do You Remedy Exhibitionism?

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Comical Psychosomatic Medicine!
SIGN    Episode 10
    "How Do You Remedy Exhibitionism?"
[00:12] Asuna
    Did you know this, Onee-chan?
[00:14] Asuna
    The "Yuu" in Yuu Mental Clinic is
    short for "yuujuufudan" (indecisive).
[00:18] Iyashi
    I heard it was short for "yuutairidatsu"
    (out-of-body experience).
SIGN    X Month, X Day, 6:44 AM, Somewhere in Tokyo
[00:21] Asuna
    Huh?
[00:23] Iyashi
    By the way, Asuna, what do
    you think of Ryou-kun?
[00:26] Asuna
    Robot in glasses who makes snappy comebacks.
[00:27] Iyashi
    I see.
[00:31] Iyashi
    Is something wrong, Asuna?
[00:33] Asuna
    W-Well...
SIGN    Bam
SIGN    Bam
SIGN    Bam
SIGN    Yaaaah!
SIGN    Bang
[00:48] Asuna
    Th-Th...
[00:51] Asuna
    Th-Th-Th-There was a flasher!
[00:53] Ryou
    Er... Huh?
[00:55] Ryou
    Is it me, or does one of
    you look happy about this?
[00:57] Asuna
    Please do something about that flasher!
[01:00] Ryou
    That's not the way a health
    care provider should say it.
[01:04] Ryou
    In psychiatry, there is an
    illness called "exhibitionism"!
SIGN    Exhibitionism
[01:07] Ryou
    Show some consideration for
    those afflicted by it!
[01:08] Asuna
    Why are you going so far to defend them?!
[01:10] Asuna
    Who cares?! They're sick with that illness!
SIGN    Exhibitionism
SIGN    Diagnosed when the act, urge,
    or fantasy of exposing one's genitals
    to unsuspecting strangers is
    repeated for at least six months.
[01:13] Ryou
    No, just listen to this.
[01:15] Ryou
    The DSM-IV, the model for diagnosis
    standards in psychiatry, says:
[01:19] Ryou
    "Exhibitionism: diagnosed when
    the act, urge, or fantasy
[01:23] Ryou
    of exposing one's genitals to
    unsuspecting strangers is repeated
[01:27] Ryou
    for at least six months."
SIGN    Bam
SIGN    Eek!
[01:29] Ryou
    If I recall correctly, he first
    showed up five months ago.
SIGN    Month
SIGN    Bam
SIGN    Eek!
SIGN    Months
SIGN    Bam
SIGN    Eek!
SIGN    Bam
SIGN    Eek!
[01:33] Asuna
    Huh?! You should've reported him
    the first time you saw him!
[01:36] Ryou
    In other words!
[01:37] Ryou
    He hasn't reached a length of six months,
SIGN    Ta-da!
SIGN    Developing Condition
[01:39] Ryou
    so he is not afflicted with exhibitionism!
[01:41] Asuna
    What?! Why do I not agree with this at all?!
[01:45] Iyashi
    So the length changes the diagnosis?
SIGN    Only diagnosed as exhibitionism if it's over X centimeters.
[01:47] Doctor
    Congratulations. You do not
    qualify for exhibitionism.
[01:49] Ryou
    Not that length!
SIGN    Shock
[01:50] Ryou
    And don't discriminate based on that!
[01:53] Ryou
    The diagnosis standard continues to say...
[01:55] Ryou
    "These urges cause considerable suffering or
    difficulty in the patient's relationships."
[02:01] Ryou
    It seems this criterion is
    important in diagnosis, as well.
[02:03] Asuna
    Huh?
[02:05] Ryou
    In other words, if it doesn't bother
    anyone, it's not a problem!
SIGN    Wow, what a feast for my eyes.
[02:09] Asuna
    It does bother me!
[02:10] ---
    Also, that just makes me look like a pervert!
[02:12] Iyashi
    Asuna, it didn't particularly bother me.
[02:15] Asuna
    Well, having a sister like you bothers me!
[02:17] Ryou
    Either way, by the standards for
    diagnosis, he's in the clear.
[02:20] Asuna
    Not where the law is concerned!
[02:22] Iyashi
    But what sorts of people
    become exhibitionists?
[02:24] Iyashi
    I don't mean that in a strange way.
[02:26] ---
    I just have a purely sexual interest.
[02:28] Ryou
    Uh, yeah, that's purely impure.
[02:30] Ryou
    Regarding that,
[02:31] ---
    the psychiatrist Kaplan wrote this in the
    Pocket Handbook of Clinical Psychiatry:
SIGN    Rare for Women
SIGN    Bare for Women!
[02:39] Asuna
    Bare for women?!
SIGN    Bare for Women!
SIGN    Ah, nothing beats normal romance!
SIGN    I'll never flash anyone again!
SIGN    Rare for Women!
[02:45] Ryou
    No! It's "rare for women"!
[02:47] Iyashi
    Actually, my medical textbook
    from long ago said...
SIGN    Breast cancer
    occurs by bearing with men.
[02:49] Iyashi
    "Breast cancer occurs by bearing with men."
SIGN    No! I don't want to get breast cancer!
[02:55] Ryou
    That's the same thing!
SIGN    Breast cancer
    barely occurs with men.
[02:56] Ryou
    It "barely occurs with men"!
[02:59] Asuna
    At any rate, that means most
    exhibitionists are men, right?
[03:02] Ryou
    Sadly, yes.
[03:04] Asuna
    And what kinds of men are they?
[03:06] Ryou
    The New Guide to Psychiatry says...
[03:10] Iyashi
    "Men who expose themselves
    are often quiet men
[03:12] ---
    who fear association with women."
[03:15] Guy
    On weekends, I flash in LOHAS style.
[03:19] Iyashi
    So they're the "herbivore guys"
    that are all the rage lately?
[03:21] Ryou
    Wait, that's not really wrong,
    but it feels like it should be!
[03:25] Iyashi
    But if they're cowardly herbivore types,
    why do they expose themselves?
[03:29] Ryou
    Regarding that, it says...
[03:32] Ryou
    "Though the patient is fearful,
[03:33] ---
    he exposes himself out of a
    desire to prove his manliness."
[03:42] Girl
    Wow! How manly!
[03:44] Iyashi
    So this is the ideal reaction
    that flashers want?
[03:48] Ryou
    That's definitely wrong!
[03:49] Asuna
    So, how do you treat it?
[03:50] Ryou
    Well, the Pocket Handbook of
    Clinical Psychiatry says...
[03:54] Asuna
    "Women exposed to flashers
    should ignore them."
[03:57] Asuna
    Huh? This is a treatment?!
[03:59] Asuna
    Don't give the responsibility to women!
[04:01] Asuna
    Besides, isn't that dangerous?!
[04:03] [SONG] Text
    We shouldn't
    have to be the
    man's remedy!
[04:03] Asuna
    They should run away, not ignore him!
[04:05] Ryou
    As far as that goes, you can
    rest easy. It also says...
[04:09] Ryou
    "Such men are aggressive,
    but not dangerous."
[04:12] Asuna
    They're aggressive?!
[04:13] Asuna
    Even if you add that they're not dangerous,
    I can't rest easy if they're aggressive!
[04:17] Asuna
    What else? What other treatments are there?!
[04:19] Ryou
    Wait! This decisive treatment
    method is written at the end!
[04:23] Asuna
    What is it?!
[04:25] All
    "Report them to the police."
SIGN    Beep
SIGN    Beep Boop
SIGN    Beep Boop Bap
[04:31] Asuna
    That counts as treatment?
[04:34] Ryou
    His treatment... No, his
    battle has only just begun.
SIGN    This program is a work of fiction. There is no guarantee that the treatments mentioned herein
    will work. Before having a medical exam, make sure the doctor deals in these treatments first.
SIGN    If you're tired of fighting,
    visit the mental clinic!
[04:40] ---

11 - At What Point is Voyeurism a Sickness?

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
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QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Comical Psychosomatic Medicine!
SIGN    Episode 11
    "At What Point is
    Voyeurism a Sickness?"
[00:11] Asuna
    Let's go clothes shopping, Onee-chan!
[00:14] Iyashi
    Sure. Which cosplay shop
    do you want to go to?
[00:16] Asuna
    That's not what I mean... Huh?
SIGN    Do Not Look
    In This Hole!
SIGN    Menacing
[00:23] Asuna
    I just can't help looking when
    I see messages like these.
[00:26] Iyashi
    Hey, Asuna...
[00:30] Asuna
    A camera?
SIGN    Bam
SIGN    Bang
[00:40] Asuna
    Th-Th...
[00:42] Asuna
    Th-Th-Th-There was a peeping tom!
[00:44] Ryou
    Huh?
[00:45] Asuna
    He was taking pictures!
[00:46] Ryou
    Asuna-san.
[00:47] Ryou
    That's not the way a health
    care provider should say it.
[00:50] Asuna
    Huh?
[00:52] Ryou
    In psychiatry, there is an
    illness called "voyeurism!"
SIGN    Voyeurism
SIGN    Women
[00:56] Guy&Text
    Inspection complete.
[00:58] Asuna
    Just call it peeping syndrome!
SIGN    He looks cooler than he should!!
[01:00] Asuna
    I don't care what it's called!
    Does he have that illness, too?
[01:03] Ryou
    Actually, in the DSM-IV,
    voyeurism is defined this way...
SIGN    "Voyeurism"
SIGN    Diagnosed when one watches unsuspecting strangers naked, removing clothes, or engaging in sexual acts frequently over a period of at least six months.
[01:09] Asuna
    Naked, removing clothes, or sexual acts?
[01:10] Ryou
    In other words, just seeing your
    underwear isn't considered voyeurism!
[01:13] Asuna
    What?!
[01:14] Asuna
    I don't agree with that at all!
SIGN    It's okay 'cause they're panties!
[01:17] Iyashi
    Don't worry, Asuna.
[01:19] Iyashi
    I'm not wearing any today,
[01:21] Iyashi
    so it would've been voyeurism for me.
[01:23] Asuna
    Why aren't you wearing any?!
    Forget voyeurism, are you okay?!
[01:27] Ryou
    And it's important that it
    continues for six months.
[01:30] Ryou
    In other words, just peeping once
    isn't considered voyeurism!
SIGN    So you can
    all rest easy!
[01:34] Asuna
    Your criteria for diagnosis are way too lax!
[01:36] Iyashi
    So it's not voyeurism unless you
    keep watching for six months?
[01:40] Ryou
    Not for six months straight.
SIGN    These sexual urges cause considerable suffering or difficulty in the patient's relationships.
[01:42] Ryou
    There's also this condition.
[01:45] Ryou
    In other words, if it doesn't bother
    anyone, it's not a problem!
[01:48] Asuna
    I'm so happy. Take more
    pictures of all of me.
[01:51] Asuna
    It does bother me!
[01:52] ---
    And again, that makes me
    look like the pervert!
SIGN    Today's Theme:
    "Voyeurism"
[01:54] Asuna
    But why do people want to peep, anyway?
[01:57] Ryou
    Huh?
[01:57] Asuna
    I mean, if the guy has a girlfriend,
[01:59] Asuna
    he could do a lot more
    than just catch glimpses.
[02:02] Iyashi
    Asuna...
[02:03] Iyashi
    Maybe they peep because they
    don't have that option.
[02:05] Asuna
    She said it!
[02:06] Ryou
    No, there are men with girlfriends or
    wives who still get arrested for peeping.
[02:11] Asuna
    Really?
[02:12] Ryou
    It's believed that voyeurism
    offers a kind of stimulation
SIGN    He and I are in love!
SIGN    I see...
[02:16] Ryou
    unlike that experienced
    in normal sexual acts.
[02:18] Ryou
    Perhaps, instead of looking with permission,
[02:19] [SONG] Text
    Huge Scoop!
    Alone in hotel with lover!!
SIGN    Please comment! Is it true?!
[02:20] Ryou
    looking in secret gives them
    a greater sense of conquest.
[02:23] Ryou
    Also, rather than working hard
    and earning what you expect,
SIGN    I worked hard for a
    month and made
    150,000 yen...
[02:26] Ryou
    getting more than you expected without
    working for it may bring greater joy.
SIGN    I found 10,000 yen!
[02:31] Iyashi
    Dr. Ryou, you need to include this message.
SIGN    This anime is only explaining the mentality behind voyeurism, expressed through ideas, and does not condone peeping. We are not responsible for any crimes committed because it was mentioned in this anime. -The Comical Psychosomatic Medicine Staff
[02:35] Ryou
    They're evading all responsibility?!
[02:36] Asuna
    But what are people who are
    prone to voyeurism like?
[02:40] Ryou
    The psychiatrist Richard W. Roukema said...
SIGN    "Voyeurs do not like to be seen by the people they're watching."
SIGN    Don't look, you pervert!
[02:44] Asuna
    The nerve!
[02:45] Ryou
    And according to Roukema,
    the number of patients
[02:48] ---
    receiving treatment for it is
    vastly down from 40 years ago.
[02:50] Asuna
    Why is that?
SIGN    "Possibly because their sexual needs are fulfilled by adult websites and porn videos."
[02:52] Asuna
    What?! Really?!
[02:55] Asuna
    G-Grandpa?!
[02:56] Grandpa
    Kids today don't know how
    hard it was back then!
[02:59] Grandpa
    You get all the cake and
    sweets you can eat, right?
[03:01] Grandpa
    But when I was a boy, we had none of that!
[03:03] Grandpa
    The sweetest thing we had was the fruit
    of the neighborhood persimmon tree!
[03:06] Grandpa
    It's the same with erotic stuff!
[03:08] Grandpa
    These days, you can find anything on the
    internet, from young to mature ladies.
[03:11] Grandpa
    But in my day, we had to
    find it all locally!
[03:14] Grandpa
    But I don't think I had it rough!
[03:16] Grandpa
    Now, when everything is at our fingertips,
[03:18] Grandpa
    is when we need to remember the
    happiness of the old da—
[03:21] Ryou
    He really flew!
[03:25] Asuna
    What treatment methods
    are there for voyeurism?
[03:28] Ryou
    Oh, right...
[03:29] [SONG] Text
    Medicinal Treatment
[03:29] Ryou
    First, there's medicine.
[03:31] Iyashi
    Medicine for voyeurism?
SIGN    You won't want to look anymore!
    Voyeur-B-Gone!
SIGN    You won't want to look anymore!
SIGN    Voyeur-B-Gone
[03:35] Ryou
    No medication treats it that directly!
SIGN    I can relax now!
[03:38] Ryou
    Most patients suffer from
    stress or sexual frustration,
[03:40] Ryou
    so they'd use medicine to relieve those.
[03:43] Asuna
    Oh, I get it...
[03:44] Iyashi
    Use medicine?
[03:46] Ryou
    Not that way! What is this, an
    intelligence test for chimpanzees?!
[03:49] Ryou
    There are also psychological remedies.
[03:51] Ryou
    It's said that most voyeurism patients
    experience cognitive distortions.
[03:54] Guy
    If she's wearing a skirt that
    short, she must want to be seen.
SIGN    Girls actually like
    being seen, right?
[03:58] Ryou
    So we would correct those distortions.
[04:00] Doc
    It doesn't mean they want to show you.
SIGN    No girl is happy to be
    seen by a peeping tom.
[04:02] [SONG] Text
    Crushed
[04:04] Asuna
    But none of those seems
    like a decisive solution.
[04:07] Asuna
    What else is there?
[04:08] Ryou
    There's also a method called
    "aversive conditioning."
[04:11] Ryou
    By administering punishment
    for doing something wrong,
SIGN    Zap Zap
[04:13] Ryou
    the patient learns to not do it again.
SIGN    I won't go to the right again.
[04:16] Asuna
    Hmm, punishment for peeping...
[04:19] Girl
    Pervert!
[04:22] Guy
    So this is her used bathwater...
[04:24] Asuna
    That's not working as a punishment!
[04:26] Asuna
    What do we do?! There has to be a punishment!
SIGN    Beep
SIGN    Boop
SIGN    Bap
[04:33] Asuna
    So there is a punishment.
[04:35] Ryou
    I just hope he isn't enjoying it.
SIGN    Before you get punished,
    visit the mental clinic!
SIGN    This program is a work of fiction. There is no guarantee that the treatments mentioned herein
    will work. Before having a medical exam, make sure the doctor deals in these treatments first.
[04:40] ---

12 - What Is Social Anxiety Disorder?

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Comical Psychosomatic Medicine!
SIGN    Episode 12
    "What Is Social
    Anxiety Disorder?"
[00:10] Himeru
    What do I do? What do I do? What do I do?
[00:14] Himeru
    What do I do? What do I do?
[00:16] Himeru
    What do I do?
[00:18] Asuna
    This way, Doctor!
[00:18] Himeru
    What do I do? What do I do?
[00:19] Ryou
    O-Okay...
[00:20] Ryou
    But, Asuna-san, is it true that
    Himeru-san is in big trouble?
[00:24] Asuna
    Yes. She even left this note.
SIGN    Asuna, I'm in a major pinch!
    You might say... Da Pinchy.
    Even Mona Lisa is shocked!
[00:28] Ryou
    Is it me or does she seem
    to be taking it in stride?
[00:30] Asuna
    Try not to be surprised.
[00:32] Asuna
    When my sister's in trouble, she changes
    so much, you wouldn't recognize her.
[00:36] Ryou
    Oh, don't exaggerate...
[00:38] Himeru
    Oink.
[00:40] Ryou&Text
    Who is that, seriously?!
[00:42] Asuna
    You're a sow today, Onee-chan?
[00:44] Himeru
    Oink, oink, oink...
[00:44] Ryou
    You're treating her normally?!
SIGN    And you specify "sow"?!
[00:46] Himeru
    Oink, oink, oink.
[00:47] Ryou
    She's a pig inside and out!
[00:48] Asuna
    Uh-huh. I see...
[00:49] Ryou
    They're holding a conversation?!
[00:50] Ryou
    Um, what is she saying?
[00:53] Asuna
    She's saying "oink, oink."
[00:54] Ryou
    I can tell that much!
[00:55] Himeru
    Oink, oink, oink.
[00:58] Himeru
    Oink.
[00:59] Ryou
    Is she a matryoshka doll?
[01:00] Ryou
    Just how serious is this?!
SIGN    Plunk
[01:02] Ryou
    Um... Why are you a sow?
[01:04] Himeru
    W-Well, I'm going to be
    joining a certain club,
[01:07] Himeru
    and I have to introduce myself there.
[01:09] Himeru
    Just thinking about it makes me anxious,
[01:12] Himeru
    so I thought I'd dress as a sow
    so I'd be less embarrassed...
[01:14] Ryou
    I think the sow costume is a few
    million times more embarrassing.
[01:18] Ryou
    So basically,
[01:19] Ryou
    you get nervous in front of large groups?
[01:22] Himeru
    Yes.
[01:23] Asuna
    Then I'll give you some advice rooted
    in the latest psychiatric studies.
[01:26] Ryou
    Huh?!
[01:27] Asuna
    Write "person" on your hand and swallow it!
[01:29] Ryou
    That's not psychiatric or even medical!
[01:31] Ryou
    Also, that's "enter," not "person," Asuna-san!
[01:33] Himeru
    Swallow it...
SIGN    Chew Chew
[01:34] Ryou
    She's trying to swallow it for real!
[01:37] Asuna
    Seeing a family member so freaked
    out actually makes me feel calmer.
[01:41] Ryou
    What good does it do for you to calm down?!
[01:42] Asuna
    Anyway, Doctor, can't you solve this
    with that psychiatry of yours?
SIGN    Gurgle
[01:47] Ryou
    Generally, when anxiety symptoms are strong,
[01:49] Ryou
    it's known in psychiatry
    as "anxiety disorder."
SIGN    Anxiety Disorder
[01:51] [SONG] Text
    Troubled due to anxiety.
[01:52] Ryou
    It means you're troubled due to anxiety.
[01:54] Ryou
    There are various types, but the type
[01:56] Ryou
    that often feels anxious when interacting
    with people, like Himeru-san,
SIGN    Social Anxiety Disorder or (Social Phobia)
[01:59] Ryou
    is known as "social anxiety disorder."
[02:01] Himeru
    Wh-What are the specific symptoms?
[02:04] Ryou
    The most common one is glossophobia.
[02:05] [SONG] Text
    Glossophobia
[02:06] Ryou
    This refers to intense
    anxiety felt when speaking
[02:08] Ryou
    in front of many people,
    such as receptions or meetings.
[02:12] Asuna
    What's it called when you're anxious because
SIGN    Wedding Reception Invitation
[02:14] ---
    everyone around you is holding receptions?
[02:16] Ryou
    That's a different matter.
[02:18] Ryou
    Regardless, many people
    fear public speaking,
[02:20] Ryou
    so don't feel like you're alone.
[02:21] Himeru
    Oh, so it's not just me?
SIGN    Whew
[02:24] Ryou
    I think you are the only
    one who turns into a sow.
[02:26] Ryou
    Then there's "scopophobia,"
[02:26] [SONG] Text
    Scopophobia
[02:27] Ryou
    meaning you feel anxious when
    exposed to the eyes of others.
[02:30] Asuna
    Is there anyone with scopophobia
    who's also an exhibitionist?
SIGN    Ah... I want you to look...! But I'm scared...!
[02:33] Ryou
    If there is, it'd be the
    worst complication ever!
[02:35] Ryou
    Then there's telephonophobia,
SIGN    Telephonophobia
[02:36] Ryou
    an intense anxiety toward
    speaking on the phone.
SIGN    Social Anxiety Disorder
[02:39] [SONG] Text
    Scared to interact with people
[02:40] Ryou
    Whichever you're dealing with,
    the fear of interacting
[02:42] ---
    with people is social anxiety disorder.
[02:44] Asuna
    How is it treated?
[02:45] Ryou
    Well, it's generally treated
    with medication, such as SSRI.
SIGN    Medical Treatment
SIGN    Anti-Anxiety Drugs

    Etc.
[02:48] Ryou
    There's also psychological treatment
    and gradual acclimation.
[02:52] Ryou
    For example, if you can speak
    in front of one person,
[02:54] Ryou
    you try it with two, then three,
    and increasingly more.
[02:57] Asuna
    And with each added person,
    your reward doubles, right?
[03:00] Ryou
    It's not a pyramid scheme!
[03:02] Ryou
    For starters, why don't you
    introduce yourself to us?
[03:05] Ryou
    If you practice, you won't get as
    nervous when you do it for real.
[03:08] Himeru
    O-Okay, I'll try.
SIGN    I'm H!
SIGN    I'm H!
[03:12] Ryou
    Okay, hold on! Right from
    the start, hold on!
[03:14] Himeru
    I-I was embarrassed to say my
    name, so I used my initial.
SIGN    H for "Himeru"
[03:17] Ryou
    That's even more embarrassing! Say it right!
[03:19] Himeru
    I'm Himeru! H me!
SIGN    H me!
[03:21] Ryou
    Hold on, again! What is
    this for, a dating site?!
SIGN    H for
    "How do you do"
[03:24] Himeru
    It's for "How do you do."
[03:25] Ryou
    You're the only person in
    Japan who'd abbreviate that!
[03:28] Himeru
    I'll do my best, so please, SM...
[03:31] Ryou
    That's even more abnormal. What's that mean?
[03:33] Himeru
    "Please spare me."
SIGN    "SM" for "spare me"
[03:35] Ryou
    I'm telling you, your abbreviations
    are what's embarrassing!
[03:37] Ryou
    But if you're that nervous,
[03:40] Ryou
    just saying "I'm very
    flustered" is one option.
[03:42] Ryou
    That alone can calm you down.
[03:45] Himeru
    I-I'm very flushtered!
[03:47] Ryou
    Enunciate the whole thing clearly!
[03:49] Ryou
    By the way, what kind of club is it?
[03:51] Himeru
    A figure skating fan club.
[03:53] Asuna
    Wow, that sounds fun!
[03:54] Ryou
    Well, just say what you want to say simply.
[03:56] Ryou
    "Hello, my name is Himeru."
[03:58] Ryou
    "I'm very interested in this activity."
[04:00] Ryou
    "It's nice to meet you."
[04:01] Ryou
    I think that'll be fine.
[04:03] Himaru
    O-Okay. Keep it simple!
[04:06] Asuna
    Oh, Onee-chan, it's just about
    time for you to go, isn't it?
[04:09] Himeru
    Oh, you're right...
[04:11] Himeru
    I'm going now.
[04:11] Asuna
    You can do it!
SIGN    Fall Ice Arena
[04:16] Himeru
    H-H-Hello!
[04:18] Himeru
    M-M-My name is Himeru.
[04:20] Guy
    Nice to meet you!
[04:21] Guy
    It's a woman!
SIGN    Hahh... Hahh...
SIGN    Figures & Skating Fan Club
SIGN    Our first girl! Hot!
SIGN    What kinds of figures do you like?
[04:30] Asuna
    I resign, oink.
[04:33] Asuna
    Onee-chan's closed her heart again.
[04:35] Ryou
    I understand how she feels.
SIGN    If you close your heart too
    much, visit the mental clinic!
SIGN    This program is a work of fiction. There is no guarantee that the treatments mentioned herein
    will work. Before having a medical exam, make sure the doctor deals in these treatments first.
[04:40] ---

13 - Be Careful of Sleep Apnea Syndrome!

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Comical Psychosomatic Medicine!
SIGN    Episode 13
    "Be Careful of
    Sleep Apnea Syndrome!"
[00:03] Asuna
    Hi, everyone! I'm Nurse Kangoshi Asuna!
[00:06] Himeru
    I'm Kangoshi Himeru.
[00:07] Ryou
    I'm the psychiatrist...
[00:09] Himeru
    U-Um, there's something I'd
    like to ask you about...
[00:12] Ryou
    And what's that?
[00:14] Himeru
    W-Well... I'm not sure if I should say it...
[00:17] Ryou
    You can ask anything.
[00:19] Himeru
    I want them in bed!
[00:20] Ryou
    What is this, a dating sim?!
[00:21] Ryou
    Your sister's right there, Onee-san!
[00:23] Himeru
    No, you see, someone in my family hasn't
    been getting enough sleep lately.
[00:27] Himeru
    I want them to get some sleep.
[00:28] Ryou
    Oh, that's what you meant?
[00:30] Asuna
    You're filthy, Doctor.
[00:32] Ryou
    Me?! This is because I'm filthy?!
[00:34] Ryou
    So who in your family isn't sleeping enough?
[00:37] Himeru
    Well, that would infringe
    on their privacy...
SIGN    The Kangoshi
    family's privacy...?
[00:39] Ryou
    I see... Then can you tell me
    if they're male or female?
[00:43] Himeru
    If I had to say, then male, I suppose.
[00:45] Ryou
    A man? And how did you find
    out that he isn't sleeping?
[00:48] Himeru
    Well, I sleep with him sometimes...
[00:51] Ryou
    You sleep with him?!
[00:52] Himeru
    And sometimes he licks me in his sleep.
[00:54] Ryou
    Licks you?!
[00:55] Himeru
    But sometimes he stops
    breathing in his sleep,
[00:57] Himeru
    and he looks like he's in pain,
[00:59] Himeru
    so I don't think he's sleeping very deeply.
[01:01] Himeru
    So he doesn't do much
    during the day, either.
[01:03] Ryou
    I see.
[01:04] Ryou
    Have you two heard of SAS?
[01:07] Asuna
    What?!
[01:08] Girl
    I'm into sadism.
[01:10] Guy
    We have a lot in common. So am I!
[01:12] Asuna
    Sadist and sadist?!
[01:13] Ryou
    Not even close!
[01:14] Ryou
    They have that in common,
    but they'd never work as a couple!
[01:16] Ryou
    SAS stands for "sleep apnea syndrome."
SIGN    Normal Breathing
[01:21] Ryou
    It happens when breathing
    stops during sleep,
SIGN    Sleep Apnea Syndrome Normal Breathing
[01:24] ---
    often due to an obstructed airway,
[01:25] Ryou
    and causes shallow sleep, earning it
    the nickname "Pickwickian syndrome."
[01:29] Himeru
    Pickwickian syndrome? Why is it called that?
[01:32] Ryou
    Nishimaru Shihou's book, Simple Psychology,
    explains it this way:
[01:37] Ryou
    "From the fat boy in The Pickwick Papers."
SIGN    Pickwickian Syndrome
    "From the fat boy in The Pickwick Papers."
[01:40] Asuna
    What does that mean?
[01:41] Ryou
    Um, well...
SIGN    The Pickwick Papers
    Charles Dickens
[01:43] Ryou
    There's a book called
[01:45] ---
    The Pickwick Papers by the
    English author Charles Dickens,
[01:48] Ryou
    and there's a boy named Joe in it.
SIGN    Nod Nod
SIGN    Snore
[01:50] Ryou
    He had a condition similar
    to sleep apnea syndrome,
SIGN    Choke
[01:54] Ryou
    so that's why it has the nickname
    "Pickwickian syndrome."
SIGN    Snore
[01:57] Asuna
    No one would understand that
    without an explanation!
SIGN    Choke
[01:59] Ryou
    SAS causes a shortage of oxygen
    while the patient sleeps,
SIGN    Hardening of Arteries
SIGN    Hardening of Arteries

    Heart Failure
SIGN    Hardening of Arteries

    Heart Failure

    High Blood Pressure
[02:03] Ryou
    putting strain on the
    heart and blood vessels,
[02:06] Ryou
    which can cause hardening of the arteries,
    heart failure, or high blood pressure.
SIGN    Gah, scary...
SIGN    Daytime Sleepiness
[02:08] Ryou
    And because sleep is shallow,
SIGN    Lack of Concentration
SIGN    Depression
[02:10] Ryou
    symptoms like daytime sleepiness, lack of
    concentration, and depression can occur.
SIGN    Today's Theme:
    "Sleep Apnea Syndrome"
[02:15] Ryou
    So some people diagnosed with
    depression due to these symptoms
[02:19] Ryou
    may actually have this condition instead.
[02:21] Himeru
    What causes it?
[02:22] Ryou
    One of the biggest causes
    is obesity, as seen in Joe.
[02:25] Ryou
    Having more fat makes it
    easier for airways to close.
[02:28] Ryou
    But it can also occur in people who aren't
    obese, so everyone should be aware.
[02:31] Himeru
    And how is is treated?
[02:33] Ryou
    The most important thing is to lose weight.
[02:35] Asuna
    "If it were that easy,
    I wouldn't have a problem."
[02:37] Asuna
    What should people who say that do?
[02:39] Ryou
    One other form of treatment
    is to use a mouthpiece.
SIGN    Clang
[02:45] Ref
    Fight!
[02:54] Guy
    Take a nap.
[02:55] Guy
    Get up! Get up, Joe!
[02:58] Asuna
    So you get them to sleep this way, huh?
[03:00] Ryou
    Not that kind of mouthpiece!
[03:02] Himeru
    He should have just lost weight...
[03:04] Ryou
    You mean for treatment, or for boxing?!
SIGN    Using a Mouthpiece
[03:07] Ryou
    Anyway, using a mouthpiece forces the
    jaw forward, keeping the airway open.
[03:11] Ryou
    But in serious cases, a treatment
    called CPAP is used.
SIGN    Shiver
[03:14] Himeru
    C-Cup?!
SIGN    C-cup...
    num, num...
[03:16] Ryou
    That's the worst sleep mask ever!
[03:17] Ryou
    His condition is serious
    on a different level!
SIGN    (Continuous Positive Airway Pressure)
[03:19] Ryou
    CPAP stands for "continuous
    positive airway pressure."
[03:22] Ryou
    The patient wears a mask that
    pushes air into the airway,
[03:25] Ryou
    forcing it open to allow breathing.
[03:27] Ryou
    Regardless, if you think you're sleeping
    fine, but feel tired during the day...
[03:30] Girl
    Your snoring was really loud.
[03:31] Girl
    You stopped breathing last
    night. Are you okay?
[03:34] Ryou
    ...or you've been told anything
    like this, take caution.
[03:36] Asuna
    Um, and if you have no one to
    tell you how you're sleeping?
[03:40] Ryou
    Use a tape recorder or something.
[03:42] Himeru
    But how do they diagnose this condition?
[03:46] Ryou
    A respiratory doctor would have
    to examine the patient in sleep.
[03:49] Girl
    I'll watch you all night to make
    sure you don't stop breathing.
[03:52] Ryou
    He's never gonna be able to sleep!
[03:54] Ryou
    Regardless, if any of these apply
    to you, see a respiratory doctor.
[03:57] Ryou
    If that doesn't work, visit a mental clinic.
[03:59] Ryou
    Whatever you do, don't worry about
    it alone. Consult with a clinic.
[04:03] Asuna
    Got it!
[04:04] Himeru
    That helped me a lot.
[04:06] Himeru
    He has looked a bit fatter lately.
[04:09] Asuna
    You might have to exercise him
    more and watch what you feed him.
SIGN    Him? Food...?
[04:12] Ryou
    Um, I have an idea of the answer,
    but is this family member a...
SIGN    Slither
[04:19] Himeru
    Spot!
SIGN    I-I knew it...
[04:19] Ryou
    Spot?!
[04:21] Asuna
    This is our pet, Spot.
[04:23] Himeru
    I don't know what he's been eating,
    but he's gotten so fat lately.
[04:27] Himeru
    So he couldn't breathe because
    his airway was blocked.
[04:30] Asuna
    Thank goodness!
[04:32] Grandpa
    Thank goodness I'm alive!
[04:34] Ryou
    Watching you people makes me feel like
    I'll stop breathing, asleep or not...
SIGN    If you're so stressed, you feel like you
    can't breathe, visit the mental clinic!!
SIGN    This program is a work of fiction. There is no guarantee that the treatments mentioned herein
    will work. Before having a medical exam, make sure the doctor deals in these treatments first.
[04:40] ---

14 - Accept Grief in Four Stages?!

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Comical Psychosomatic Medicine!
SIGN    Episode 14
    "Accept Grief in Four Stages?!"
[00:03] Iyashi
    Hello. I'm Iyashi the nurse.
[00:05] Asuna
    I'm Asuna the nurse!
[00:06] Ryou
    I'm—
[00:07] Oda
    Oda Nobunaga.
SIGN    Who is that !?
[00:10] Asuna
    This is awful!
[00:11] ---
    It looks like we've time-traveled
    to the Warring States era!
SIGN    °To those at home:
    Please tell your children,
    "They time-traveled to the
    Warring States era.
    Let's just leave it at that."
[00:14] Ryou
    When did this get so sci-fi?!
SIGN    If you can't follow this development, visit the mental clinic!
SIGN    If you can't follow this development,
    visit the mental clinic!
[00:18] Ryou
    What?! That's harsh!
[00:20] Ryou
    But isn't this era dangerous?
    We could be killed...
[00:22] Asuna
    It'll be fine!
[00:23] ---
    Even Oda Nobunaga couldn't have
    kept fighting all the time.
SIGN    Whew
[00:26] Asuna
    I'm sure it's safe now.
SIGN    Rumble
[00:26] Oda
    Damn you, Mitsuhide!
[00:28] Oda
    How dare you target Honnouji?!
[00:29] Ryou
    This is the most dangerous time to be here!
SIGN    °To those at home:
    Please tell your children,
    "Oda Nobunaga died at Honnouji."
[00:31] Ryou
    We're gonna be killed!
    We're so gonna be killed!
[00:34] Iyashi
    Calm down!
[00:35] ---
    Don't get flustered just because
    you got to meet Nobunaga-sama!
[00:37] Ryou
    You calm down! Why are you so excited?!
SIGN    Pant Pant
[00:40] Asuna
    She's a history girl.
SIGN    *To those at home: A "history girl" is a female who loves history. It doesn't refer to girls who have only very distant history with men. Please tell your children.
[00:41] Ryou
    And these are getting annoying!
[00:43] Oda
    Intruders?
[00:44] Oda
    Take them! Take them!
SIGN    Take Him
[00:45] Iyashi
    You can take me!
SIGN    Take him~ lolololol
[00:46] Ryou
    That's not what he meant!
[00:48] Asuna
    We're not bad people. I'm Asuna the nurse.
[00:51] Oda
    Nasu (eggplant)?
[00:52] Ryou
    Of course. "Nurse" is Western, isn't it?
[00:54] Oda
    Forgive me, but I haven't the
    time to speak of such things.
SIGN    Dire Pinch!
[00:58] Oda
    Because I am in a dire pinch!
[01:00] Ryou
    Of course... Wait, did you say "dire pinch"?!
[01:03] Oda
    I learned that word from the Christians.
[01:04] Ryou
    Really?!
[01:05] Oda
    Anyway, I'm in a total pinch here.
[01:07] Ryou
    A "total pinch"?!
[01:08] Asuna
    The "total" part was Japanese.
[01:09] Ryou
    No, no, no...
SIGN    That's your reaction?
[01:10] Oda
    The traitor Akechi Mitsuhide
    is approaching Honnouji.
[01:13] Oda
    I am in a grave situation.
[01:16] Asuna
    Go on. Do something about this
    with your psychiatric medicine.
[01:20] Ryou
    All right.
[01:21] Ryou
    When people face a severe shock,
    such as death, grave illness,
[01:24] ---
    or loss of something precious,
[01:25] Ryou
    it's said that they go
    through four broad stages.
SIGN    Stage 1 "Denial"
[01:28] Ryou
    The first stage is "denial"
SIGN    I can't be sick!
SIGN    He wants to
    break up?
    There must be
    some mistake!
[01:30] Ryou
    They say things like this to deny reality.
[01:32] Iyashi
    It's true that people never admit
    it when something bad happens.
[01:35] Iyashi
    That part of you is wonderful,
    Nobunaga-sama! You've accepted reality!
[01:39] Oda
    Naturally. A pinch like this is nothing.
[01:40] Asuna
    And you're about to die here.
    That's impressive.
[01:44] Oda
    I'm going to die here?!
[01:46] Ryou
    He's a lot weaker under
    pressure than I imagined!
[01:48] Oda
    It can't be true!
[01:49] Oda
    I thought it would work
    out, but I was naïve!
[01:50] Asuna
    He can't accept it. Poor guy.
[01:52] Ryou
    I think it's because you told him that...
[01:52] Oda
    Oh, man, are you serious?!
[01:55] Ryou
    And the second stage is "anger."
SIGN    Stage 1 "Denial"
SIGN    Stage 2 "Anger"
SIGN    Why was I the
    only one?!
SIGN    Don't be ridiculous!
    It'd be cruel to dump me!
[01:58] Ryou
    In this way, they direct
    anger toward something.
[02:01] Oda
    Damn you, Mitsuhide!
[02:02] Oda
    After I showed you so much favor!
[02:04] Oda
    Next time we meet, I'll tie you up
    and pull your hair out, one by one!
[02:07] Ryou
    His anger is more malicious than I expected!
SIGN    Stage 2 "Anger"
[02:09] Ryou
    And the third stage is
    "giving up and acceptance."
SIGN    Stage 3 "Giving Up and Acceptance"
[02:12] Asuna
    Giving up?
[02:13] Ryou
    That doesn't mean "giving up" in a bad way.
[02:14] [SONG] Guy&Text
    I guess it can't
    be helped now...
[02:15] Ryou
    It means throwing away denial and
    anger, and accepting the truth.
SIGN    I guess
    he's leaving...
[02:18] Oda
    Yes, giving up is important, indeed.
[02:21] Oda
    No! If I could give up that easily,
    I wouldn't have a problem!
SIGN    Rage
[02:24] Ryou
    Nobunaga-sama played
    along before retorting?!
[02:25] Asuna
    But from there, how do you accept it?
SIGN    Stage 1 "Denial" Stage 2 "Anger"
    Stage 3 "Giving Up and Acceptance"
[02:29] Ryou
    It's important to get to
    the "anger" stage quickly.
[02:32] Ryou
    It's also best to do things for a change
    of pace, to make time pass more quickly...
[02:33] Iyashi
    A change of pace...
[02:35] Iyashi
    I know! Let's have a mixer!
[02:37] Ryou
    What brought you to that solution?!
[02:38] Iyashi
    Well, it's not often you get to
    go to a mixer with Nobunaga-sama!
[02:42] Ryou
    Forget "not often"! That doesn't happen!
SIGN    The dream of every history girl!
[02:43] Oda
    M-Mixer?
[02:44] Asuna
    Please, don't think too deeply about it.
[02:47] Iyashi
    A mixer it is, then! Let's start with...
[02:49] Iyashi
    The king game!
[02:50] Ryou
    Huh?!
[02:51] Asuna
    No! Nobunaga-sama is a lord, not a king!
SIGN    Lord Game
[02:54] Asuna
    It's the lord game!
[02:55] Ryou
    I can't think of anything that matters less!
[02:56] Iyashi
    Okay, let's start the king game!
[02:59] Iyashi
    Who's the king?
[03:00] Ryou
    I've never seen Iyashi-san
    so full of energy.
[03:02] Oda
    I am!
SIGN    King
[03:03] Ryou
    And he's into it!
[03:04] Asuna
    You can give any command you want.
[03:05] Oda
    The king shall set #1 on fire!
[03:07] Ryou
    That goes beyond a command!
[03:09] Iyashi
    You've already set my heart on fire!
[03:11] Ryou
    How does that make you look good?!
SIGN    King
[03:13] Iyashi
    Oh, I'm the king this time.
[03:16] Ryou
    Go easy on us, okay?
[03:17] Iyashi
    I will.
[03:18] Iyashi
    The king must marry Nobunaga-sama!
SIGN    Marriage Registration
[03:19] Ryou
    Aside from using his real
    name, that's way too heavy!
[03:21] Oda
    Shall we start as man and concubine?
[03:23] Ryou
    You mean that like
    "let's start as friends"?!
[03:26] Iyashi
    So, what's the fourth stage of grief?
SIGN    Let's change
    the subject
[03:29] Ryou
    She went back to normal when he
    wouldn't make her an actual wife!
SIGN    Stage 1 "Denial"
[03:31] Ryou
    The fourth stage is "hope."
SIGN    Stage 2 "Anger"
SIGN    Stage 3 "Giving Up and Acceptance"
SIGN    Stage 4 "Hope"
[03:33] Ryou
    After going through denial,
    anger, and acceptance,
[03:33] [SONG] Guy&Text
    I'll do
    everything
    I can before
    it's over.
[03:36] [SONG] Girl&Text
    I'll find
    new love!
[03:36] Ryou
    people find hope in their situation.
[03:38] Ryou
    What's important is to acknowledge
    and accept everything.
[03:40] Ryou
    Only then can new hope
    and actions come about.
[03:45] Oda
    I see...
[03:46] Oda
    I am grateful.
[03:48] Oda
    Had I not known that,
    and only let my anger take over,
[03:51] Oda
    it would have been over
    before I could accept it.
[03:53] Iyashi
    Just as you wanted.
[03:54] Ryou
    I don't think so...
[03:56] Oda
    Acceptance is important.
[03:59] Oda
    I will then find hope and do the best I can.
[04:02] Ryou
    Oh, good!
[04:03] Iyashi
    Good luck.
[04:05] Oda
    I thank you.
[04:07] Oda
    If I survive, will you
    marry me as my true wife?
[04:11] Iyashi
    What? Marry you?!
[04:13] Iyashi
    Nobunaga-sama...
[04:16] Iyashi
    It's like a dream...
[04:18] Iyashi
    It's like a dream...
[04:20] Ryou
    Iyashi-san! Iyashi-san!
[04:22] Ryou
    Lunch break is almost over.
SIGN    Rattle
[04:25] Iyashi
    My marriage...
SIGN    Surefire Tips for
    Mixers
SIGN    The Life of
    Oda Nobunaga
[04:30] Iyashi
    What should you do if you can't
    accept that it was all a dream?
[04:33] Ryou
    Uh, I guess that just takes time...
[04:35] Asuna
    I think she'll just feel more
    pressure as time passes.
SIGN    If you can't accept things,
    visit the mental clinic!
SIGN    This program is a work of fiction. There is no guarantee that the treatments mentioned herein
    will work. Before having a medical exam, make sure the doctor deals in these treatments first.
[04:40] ---

15 - What Is Seasonal Affective Disorder?

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Comical Psychosomatic Medicine!
SIGN    Episode 15
    "What Is Seasonal
    Affective Disorder?"
[00:04] Asuna
    Hi, everyone! I'm the nurse at
    Yuu Mental Clinic, Nurse Asuna.
[00:08] Ryou
    I'm the ps—
SIGN    Please Wait a Moment.
[00:14] Asuna
    Did you know that the name
    "bikini" came about because
[00:16] Asuna
    nuclear bomb testing was carried
    out on a place called Bikini Atoll,
[00:19] Asuna
    meaning it's a swimsuit as explosively
    shocking as a nuclear bomb?
[00:23] Ryou
    Bikini trivia just took priority
    over my introductio—
[00:30] Asuna
    So on that note, my sister is on vacation at
    the beach this week, so she isn't here.
[00:34] Ryou
    And I don't know if it was "on that note,"
[00:36] Ryou
    but now I know why that
    forced fanservice was used.
[00:38] Ryou
    Now, this week's the—
[00:41] [SONG] Text
    Today's Theme
    "Seasonal Affective Disorder"
    (Seasonal Depression)
[00:48] Ryou
    Seasonal affective disorder
    is, as the name suggests,
[00:49] Ryou
    when emotions are affected by the seasons.
[00:52] Ryou
    In English, it's abbreviated to SAD.
[00:54] Asuna
    Seasonal SAD-ism?
[00:56] Lady
    Here. Since it's summer, I'll use
    a sparkler instead of a candle.
[01:01] Guy
    That's even sadder...
[01:02] Ryou
    Who wants S&M with an atmosphere like that?!
SIGN    "Emotional Disorder"
SIGN    "Sexuality"
SIGN    "Seasonal"
[01:04] Asuna
    But what's an emotional disorder?
[01:07] Ryou
    Don't rearrange it to sound sexual!
SIGN    Today's Theme
    "Seasonal Affective Disorder"
    (Seasonal Depression)
[01:08] Ryou
    Seasonal affective disorder is,
    put more simply, seasonal depression.
[01:13] Ryou
    Basically, feeling down only
    at certain times of the year is
[01:16] Ryou
    known broadly as seasonal affective disorder.
[01:18] Asuna
    Only at certain times?
SIGN    Christmas
SIGN    See you next year!
[01:21] Guy
    It's Christmas, but Santa
    won't bring me a girlfriend!
SIGN    Coming-of-Age Day
SIGN    Want to do grown-up things?
[01:25] Guy
    It's Coming-of-Age Day,
    but I can't do anything grown-up!
SIGN    Foundation Day
SIGN    King!
[01:28] Guy
    It's Foundation Day, but I can't form a
    nation where everyone but me is female!
SIGN    King!
SIGN    King!
SIGN    King!
SIGN    King!
SIGN    King!
SIGN    King!
SIGN    Constitution Memorial Day
[01:32] Guy
    It should be guaranteed by the constitution,
[01:34] Guy
    but I can't even have the minimal
    cultural level of romance!
SIGN    Greenery Day
SIGN    I'm Midori!
[01:37] Guy
    It's Greenery Day, but I don't
    have a girlfriend named Midori!
SIGN    Children's Day
SIGN    I'd like a child soon...
[01:41] Guy
    It's Children's Day, but I have
    no one to make children with!
SIGN    Hey, wait!
SIGN    Marine Day
[01:44] Guy
    It's Marine Day, but I don't have
    a girl in a bikini next to me!
SIGN    Health and Sports Day
SIGN    Let's run together!
[01:47] Guy
    It's Health and Sports Day, but I can't
    do sports with a girl in bloomers!
SIGN    Culture Day
SIGN    We're just friends!!
[01:50] Guy
    Infidelity is culture,
    but I have no one to cheat with!
SIGN    For you, Master.
SIGN    Labor Thanksgiving Day
SIGN    Tee- hee
[01:53] Guy
    It's Labor Thanksgiving Day,
SIGN    I'll do labor for you.
[01:55] Guy
    but I don't have a maid
    who'll do labor for me!
[02:00] Ryou
    That's totally wrong!
    National holidays aren't image clubs!
[02:04] Ryou
    There are several variations
    of seasonal depression,
SIGN    Winter
    Depression
SIGN    Summer
    Depression
[02:07] Ryou
    but these two are the
    representative patterns.
[02:10] Ryou
    First, summer depression.
SIGN    Occurs around May through September
[02:11] Ryou
    Symptoms include reduced
    appetite and insomnia.
SIGN    Reduced
    Appetite
SIGN    Insomnia
[02:16] Asuna
    Don't we call that "summer exhaustion"?
[02:19] Ryou
    It is difficult to distinguish the two,
[02:21] Ryou
    but the difference lies in whether
    you feel emotionally down or not.
SIGN    Winter Depression
[02:24] Ryou
    Then there's winter depression.
[02:25] [SONG] Text
    Occurs around October through March
[02:25] Ryou
    Symptoms are the opposite: increased
    appetite, oversleeping, etc.
SIGN    Increased
    Appetite
SIGN    Oversleeping
[02:31] Asuna
    Isn't that called storing up fat so you can
    sleep in a den to make it through winter?
[02:34] Ryou
    It's not hibernation!
SIGN    Summer Depression
SIGN    Winter Depression
[02:36] Ryou
    In either case, at a
    certain time of the year,
[02:38] Ryou
    you feel less motivated even
    though you're not stressed,
[02:41] Ryou
    and you feel emotionally uneasy.
[02:44] Asuna
    What causes it?
[02:46] Ryou
    The definitive cause is unclear,
[02:48] Ryou
    but neurotransmitters such as melatonin
    are known to be influenced by sunlight.
[02:53] Ryou
    So, for example, with winter depression,
[02:55] Ryou
    it's said that reduced exposure to
    sunlight throws off that balance.
[02:59] Asuna
    I see...
[03:01] Asuna
    So how is it treated?
[03:02] Ryou
    There's actually something
    called "light therapy."
SIGN    Winner Therapy
[03:05] Asuna
    "Winner therapy"?
SIGN    Lucky Pendant
SIGN    This pendant alone
    will bring you wealth and
    gorgeous women!!
[03:09] Pendant
    Luck
[03:13] Asuna
    If you're relying on something
    like that, you've already lost.
[03:16] Ryou
    What did you just imagine?!
SIGN    Winner
SIGN    Therapy
[03:18] Ryou
    Light therapy is, as the name suggests,
SIGN    Light
SIGN    Therapy
[03:20] Ryou
    therapy exposing the patient to
    light for a set amount of time.
[03:23] Ryou
    Exposing them to light similar to that
    of the sun can improve winter depression.
SIGN    Mmph...
    Five more minutes...
[03:28] Ryou
    Of course, exposure to sunlight is
    always important, not just in winter.
[03:32] Ryou
    According to research, people who have
    trouble waking up feel lonely more easily
[03:36] Ryou
    and have a tendency toward depression.
[03:38] Asuna
    What?!
[03:39] Ryou
    Being slow to start in the morning makes
    you less motivated throughout the day.
[03:44] Ryou
    By opening the curtains to get sunlight as
    soon as you get up, you'll wake up faster,
[03:47] Ryou
    and your body's internal balance
    will begin to adjust itself.
[03:50] Ryou
    This makes you feel better
    throughout the day.
[03:54] Asuna
    I see!
[03:55] Asuna
    In any case, don't keep
    watching this anime forever.
[03:58] Asuna
    Go outside and get some sun! Right?
[04:00] Ryou
    Huh? Oh... Right... I guess...
[04:03] Asuna
    And that means my sister's
    mental health might improve
[04:06] Asuna
    by getting some sun on the beach right now.
[04:08] Ryou
    Well, I don't know how "healthy" the
    things she comes up with will ever be...
[04:12] Iyashi
    Asuna!
[04:17] Iyashi
    I got so much sunlight, I burned.
[04:21] Ryou
    You're too burned!
[04:28] Iyashi
    What should a grown woman do
    when she forgets her sunblock
[04:31] Iyashi
    and gets depressed just thinking
    about what this will do to her skin?
[04:35] Ryou
    It's a bit late for that...
[04:37] Ryou
    Uh, never mind. I said nothing.
SIGN    Before it's too late,
    visit the mental clinic!
SIGN    This program is a work of fiction. There is no guarantee that the treatments mentioned herein
    will work. Before having a medical exam, make sure the doctor deals in these treatments first.

16 - What Is the Mentality of Stalkers?

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Comical Psychosomatic Medicine!
SIGN    Iyashi
SIGN    Episode 16
    "What Is the
    Mentality of Stalkers?"
[00:20] Ryou
    A stalker?
[00:21] Asuna
    Yeah, there's been a stalker
    after Onee-chan lately.
[00:25] Iyashi
    It's been two years...
    This is my 35th stalker.
[00:27] Ryou
    What is this, the Koshien?!
[00:28] Ryou
    What problems have you run into, exactly?
[00:30] Iyashi
    Finding my messy room cleaned up for me...
SIGN    Shiver
[00:33] Ryou
    Wait, that sounds really helpful!
[00:34] Iyashi
    Getting weird emails...
SIGN    I see you forgot to wear your skirt today... (*́ˊДˋ)pant pant
[00:36] Ryou
    Notice that yourself!
[00:37] Iyashi
    And even finding recording devices
    and cameras set up in my room...
[00:41] Ryou
    That's too full-scale!
    And you're too slow to notice!
[00:43] Iyashi
    I'm so scared, I can only sleep
    about ten hours every night!
[00:46] Ryou
    I'd say you're sleeping too much!
[00:48] Iyashi
    Please, catch the stalker for me!
[00:50] Ryou
    Huh? Me? But I...
[00:50] Asuna
    It's okay! You can do it!
    Even rotten caviar is still caviar!
[00:53] Ryou
    Who are you calling rotten caviar?!
[00:54] Ryou
    Still, it's not that simple.
    I can't be near you all the time...
[00:58] Iyashi
    He's near me all the time.
[00:59] Ryou
    Seriously?!
[01:00] Asuna
    Catch him, Doctor!
[01:02] Ryou
    H-Hold it!
SIGN    Thud
[01:06] Boy
    I...
[01:07] Boy
    I'm... sorry...
[01:11] Ryou
    Huh?!
[01:12] Asuna
    A cute young boy?
[01:13] Ryou
    Hey!
[01:14] Ryou
    Do you realize how scared she's been?!
[01:16] Ryou
    Look, she's crying blood right n—
[01:18] Ryou
    What?! The blood's coming from her nose?!
[01:19] Iyashi
    So, um, what are your hobbies?
[01:21] Ryou
    Is this a marriage meeting?!
[01:22] Ryou
    Even if it's a mistake, that's not
    the first thing you ask a stalker!
SIGN    My talent is stalking, too!
[01:25] Boy
    I like stalking, bonsai, and gateball.
[01:27] Ryou
    And don't just answer like it's normal!
[01:28] Ryou
    Also, those are old man hobbies!
[01:30] Ryou
    What's your name?
[01:31] Boy
    S-Sutou Kazuki.
SIGN    Marriage Registration Kangoshi Kazuki
[01:33] Iyashi
    Kangoshi Kazuki-kun, huh?
[01:35] Ryou
    You added him to your
    family register already?!
[01:36] ---
    And he took your last name?!
[01:37] Asuna
    How many hundred yen would you give as
    a wedding gift in a case like this?
[01:40] Ryou
    That is not the question you
    should be asking now, is it?!
[01:43] Ryou
    Also, "how many hundred"?!
[01:43] Iyashi
    But why were you stalking me?
[01:45] Asuna
    Yeah! You don't have to stalk
    my sister. She's open 24/7!
[01:48] [SONG] Yellow
    Chop
[01:48] [SONG] Red
    Catch Chop
[01:49] Ryou
    So, why did you do it?
[01:51] Boy
    B-Because I loved...
[01:52] Iyashi
    Aww!
[01:53] Boy
    ...seeing her so scared.
[01:55] Ryou
    This kid's a stalker to the core!
[01:56] Iyashi
    I'm so happy...
[01:57] Ryou
    No, no, no... Were you even listening?
[02:00] Ryou
    It's hopeless. Her eyes are clouded.
[02:01] Asuna
    Doctor, can you explain in psychological
    terms why people like him turn to stalking?
[02:06] Ryou
    That's right! That's what this
    anime is about, isn't it?!
[02:09] Ryou
    Actually, in psychology,
    there's a concept we call "strokes."
SIGN    Strokes
[02:12] Ryou
    Strokes refer to talking to someone,
    praising them, touching them,
SIGN    Talking To
SIGN    Talking To Praising
[02:14] Ryou
    and all other forms of attention
    that one gives to another.
SIGN    Talking To Praising Touching
[02:17] Iyashi
    Then things like "dating
    with plans to marry,"
[02:19] Iyashi
    "proposing," and "three kids might
    be nice" are strokes, too, right?
[02:23] Ryou
    Those are fantasies.
[02:24] Ryou
    Now, there are two kinds of
    strokes: positive and negative.
SIGN    Negative Stroke
SIGN    Positive Stroke
[02:28] Ryou
    Positive strokes are, as the name suggests,
[02:28] [SONG] Text
    Praising
[02:29] [SONG] Text
    Smiling Praising
[02:30] Ryou
    all actions that have a positive
    effect on another's mood.
[02:31] [SONG] Text
    Hugging Smiling Praising
[02:33] Asuna
    Whether that's positive or not
    depends on who it is, though.
SIGN    Gaaah!
[02:33] [SONG] Text
    You feel so nice...
[02:35] Ryou
    Well, that's true...
[02:36] Ryou
    On the other hand,
    negative strokes are actions
[02:36] [SONG] Text
    Negative Strokes
SIGN    Yelling
[02:37] Bossguy
    Now, listen!
SIGN    Yelling Ridiculing
[02:38] Meangirl
    Idiot.
[02:38] Ryou
    that have a negative effect
    on another's mood.
SIGN    Yelling Ridiculing Hitting
[02:40] Asuna
    To my grandpa, all of those
    would be positive strokes.
SIGN    You scum...
SIGN    Ah, I'm so happy!
SIGN    You ugly pig...
[02:44] Ryou
    That's only a certain few relationships
    between a certain type of people!
SIGN    Stroke
[02:46] Ryou
    Strokes are also called
    "mental nourishment."
SIGN    Mental Nourishment
[02:48] Ryou
    Just like food and water,
    no one can live without them.
[02:52] Ryou
    In other words, earning strokes is
    every person's primary goal in life.
[02:56] Asuna
    What? Not just positive ones?
[02:58] Ryou
    Of course, that would be ideal,
[02:59] Ryou
    but not all of it is positive.
[03:01] Asuna
    What?!
[03:01] Ryou
    Think in terms of food.
SIGN    Positive Strokes
SIGN    Negative Strokes
[03:03] Ryou
    Given the choice, anyone
    would choose to eat a feast,
[03:06] Ryou
    but if you're stranded or in a situation
    where you have nothing to eat,
[03:08] Ryou
    you'd be glad to eat anything,
    no matter how disgusting, right?
[03:11] Ryou
    For people, nothing is more painful
    than being lonely and ignored.
[03:15] Ryou
    Any stroke is better than nothing
    at all, even a negative one.
SIGN    I love you!
[03:18] Ryou
    When people want positive
    strokes, but don't get any,
[03:21] Ryou
    they'll seek any kind of stroke,
[03:23] Ryou
    even negative ones like
    being feared or hated.
[03:26] Ryou
    Thus...
[03:26] Woman
    I don't like you!
[03:28] Woman
    You disgust me!
[03:29] Ryou
    Sometimes statements like these
    have the opposite effect.
SIGN    She feels something for me...
[03:32] Asuna
    So that reaction itself is the nourishment?
[03:35] Asuna
    Does that mean it's best
    to just ignore them?
[03:37] Ryou
    Yes.
[03:38] Boy
    But the problem is that some stalkers think
[03:41] ---
    that message won't get across,
    so they just do it more.
[03:43] Ryou
    You're the problem here!
[03:45] Ryou
    I think the safest route is
    to inform the police, though.
[03:48] Asuna
    Want to go to the police, then?
[03:51] Iyashi
    Yes.
[03:53] Iyashi
    Let's go...
[03:56] Iyashi
    ...to Narita!
[03:57] Ryou
    You meant to go on a honeymoon?!
[03:59] Boy
    I'd be happy to!
    Please let me stalk you forever!
[04:02] Ryou
    Worst love confession ever!
[04:03] Ryou
    If she agrees, can you
    still call it stalking?!
[04:05] Iyashi
    Then let's start as friends.
[04:07] Boy
    Okay. We'll start by chatting over tea.
[04:09] Ryou
    He seriously talks like an old man!
[04:11] Grandpa
    Kazuki-kun!
[04:13] Boy
    Oh, Sukizou-kun.
[04:14] Asuna
    Grandpa, you know him?
[04:16] Grandpa
    Yeah, Kazuki-kun is a
    childhood friend of mine.
[04:18] Grandpa
    He's been into cosmetic surgery lately.
[04:20] RyouAsuna
    Cosmetic surgery?!
[04:22] Grandpa
    This is a picture of us not long ago.
[04:24] Kazuki
    Boy, it really is nice seeing
    young girls get scared.
[04:27] Kazuki
    Oops, my false teeth...
SIGN    Beep
SIGN    Beep Bap
SIGN    Beep Bap Boop
[04:32] Iyashi
    Farewell, my love...
[04:34] Asuna
    They took your grandpa, too.
[04:36] Asuna
    I have no problem with that.
SIGN    If you have too many problems,
    visit the mental clinic!
SIGN    This program is a work of fiction. There is no guarantee that the treatments mentioned herein
    will work. Before having a medical exam, make sure the doctor deals in these treatments first.
[04:40] ---

17 - Think Proactively About Painful Things?!

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    Comical Psychosomatic Medicine!
SIGN    Episode 17
    "Think Proactively About
    Painful Things?!"
[00:04] Himeru
    Will I be okay? Will I be okay?
[00:07] Ryou
    Is it true that Himeru-san
    is in trouble again?
[00:09] Asuna
    Yes, it's like she doesn't even
    have time left to think.
[00:12] Asuna
    She left this coded message.
[00:14] Ryou
    Huh?
[00:14] Ryou
    Looks to me like she has lots of time.
SIGN    Asuna! Help me!
SIGN    Code Hint: Take out the tanuki's "ta"!
[00:16] Ryou
    Also, this takes the "ta" out
    of "tasukete" (help), too...
[00:18] Asuna
    She started working part-time
    at a café recently,
SIGN    Now it's "sukete"
    (be see-through)...
[00:20] ---
    but it seems like it's not going well.
[00:22] Ryou
    A café?
[00:22] Asuna
    Apparently, it's called "Healthy Café"
    and focuses on health foods.
SIGN    Chinese
SIGN    Menmen
    Ramen
[00:26] Ryou
    Health foods?
[00:27] Asuna
    Oh, this is the place.
SIGN    Curry Curry
[00:29] Ryou
    Okay.
SIGN    Jingle Jingle
[00:31] Guy
    Hey, come on in!
[00:32] Guy
    Welcome to the Healthy Café.
[00:35] Ryou
    Why does the staff look
    completely unhealthy?!
[00:36] Ryou
    There's an obvious contradiction here!
[00:38] Guy
    Table for two.
[00:40] Himeru
    R-Right!
[00:41] Ryou
    Ah, Himeru-sa—
[00:42] Himeru
    Oink.
[00:44] Ryou
    Someone who could pass for this
    café's mascot just showed up!
[00:46] Himeru
    W-Welcome.
SIGN    White Sow Black Sow Pink Sow
SIGN    Anxious
    Depressed
    Scared
[00:48] Asuna
    She turns into sows of different colors
    depending on her stress level.
[00:51] Ryou
    She becomes a sow, no matter what?!
[00:53] Himeru
    W-Welcome to Healthy Café Re-examination.
SIGN    Re-examination
[00:57] Ryou
    That name doesn't give a
    "healthy" image at all!
[00:58] Ryou
    Why are you working at a place like this?!
[01:00] Asuna
    Well, no matter where Onee-chan works,
    she's always making mistakes.
[01:04] Himeru
    So I end up getting fired in the... end.
[01:07] Ryou
    Oh, you mean in the end, you get fired.
[01:09] Ryou
    For a second, I wondered where
    exactly the fire was going.
[01:11] Himeru
    Because of that, I can't get
    a job at a normal place.
SIGN    Manager
[01:14] Himeru
    Only places like this will hire me.
[01:16] Ryou
    Why are you working part-time, anyway?
[01:18] Ryou
    You're already a nurse, aren't you?
[01:20] Himeru
    Well, I'm embarrassed to say it,
[01:22] Himeru
    but I was trying to save money
    to buy my family a present.
[01:26] Ryou
    That's not embarrassing at all!
[01:28] Ryou
    What sort of present?
[01:29] Himeru
    Uh... It's really embarrassing...
[01:32] Himeru
    An H doll.
[01:33] Ryou
    That is embarrassing!
[01:34] Himeru
    Oh, please don't misunderstand!
[01:36] Himeru
    I mean a hina doll.
SIGN    Hina Doll
[01:37] Himeru
    I was embarrassed to say
    it, so I used the initial.
[01:39] Ryou
    It's even more embarrassing that way!
[01:41] Himeru
    It's the H Festival, but we
    don't even have any H sweets,
SIGN    H
    Festival
SIGN    °Try to figure out what Himeru-chan's saying along with the doctor!
[01:44] Himeru
    so I wanted to give them an H S-M.
[01:46] Ryou
    You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?
[01:48] Ryou
    Well, still, they did hire you,
    so you should work hard...
SIGN    The answer will be revealed later!!
[01:50] Himeru
    But I can't.
[01:52] Ryou
    Huh?
[01:52] Himeru
    I keep remembering all the times I got
    fired, and I can't concentrate on work.
[01:56] Himeru
    Because of that, I've made a
    lot of mistakes here, too...
SIGN    Manager
[01:58] Himeru
    Thankfully, the manager hasn't
    found out yet, but...
[02:01] Ryou
    Uh, I think he just found out.
[02:03] Ryou
    So, this time, I'll teach you some
    psychological techniques to try
[02:06] ---
    when you've remembered something painful.
[02:08] Ryou
    Professor Spera, a psychologist,
    told a group of people
SIGN    What do I do now?!
[02:11] Ryou
    who'd been laid off to vent their rage
    and frustration for 20 minutes per day.
SIGN    Damn that boss who laid me off!
SIGN    One Week Later...
[02:16] Ryou
    Then, one week later,
[02:17] Ryou
    compared to people who weren't
    told to do anything,
[02:20] Ryou
    the laid-off group clearly
    felt more optimistic.
[02:22] Asuna
    What?!
SIGN    A Few Months Later...
[02:22] Ryou
    And a few more months later,
[02:24] Ryou
    of the people who weren't told to do
    anything, 14% had found new jobs,
[02:28] Ryou
    but of those who were told
    to vent, 53% had new jobs.
[02:32] Asuna
    It was that different?
[02:33] Ryou
    Another psychologist, Lumley,
[02:35] Ryou
    told college students with
    stress-related insomnia
[02:36] [SONG] Girl
    What that teacher said bothered me...
[02:37] Ryou
    to vent their feelings in a journal.
SIGN    They made fun of me today,
    and it pissed me off.
[02:41] Ryou
    The students who did that
    earned higher grades
[02:44] ---
    that semester than students who didn't.
[02:46] Asuna
    Really?!
SIGN    Pant
[02:47] Grandpa
    I should keep a journal of my feelings, too!
[02:50] Grandpa
    They made fun of me today,
    and it turned me on!
[02:51] Ryou
    Uh, please keep your carnal
    desires locked in your heart.
[02:53] Ryou
    These activities are called
    "emotional disclosure."
[02:57] Ryou
    Doing things like these actually
    makes you feel better.
[03:00] Ryou
    When you're feeling negative...
SIGN    I can't think like this...!
[03:04] Ryou
    Thinking like this will only make
    those feelings harder to escape,
SIGN    I need to be stronger...!
[03:06] ---
    adding to your stress.
[03:07] Ryou
    It's important to set aside time each day,
SIGN    My boss makes me so mad! So mad! So mad...!
[03:09] ---
    even just 10 minutes, to think
    about those negative emotions.
SIGN    She won't call me! I hate it! I hate it! I hate it!
[03:12] Ryou
    Don't look away from the
    painful feelings inside you.
[03:16] Ryou
    Pain, sadness, anger...
[03:18] Ryou
    They are all part of you.
[03:20] Ryou
    When you can believe that,
    you can overcome it.
[03:23] Asuna
    I understand!
[03:24] Himeru
    Um, could I take your order now?
[03:27] Ryou
    You're treating that whole
    explanation like idle chit-chat?!
[03:30] Himeru
    Um, today I recommend...
[03:33] Himeru
    The "Even if we didn't wash our hands,
    it's full of love! Hamburg steaks!"
[03:36] Ryou
    I'm not eating that!
    Forget the love and wash your hands!
[03:37] Himeru
    And the "Lots of work went into them!
[03:40] ---
    Egg sandwiches without the
    mayo, mustard, or egg!"
[03:42] Ryou
    Okay, that's just bread slices!
[03:44] Ryou
    No work went into that at all!
[03:45] Himeru
    Then how about "Whatever random dish our
    fickle chef came up with on a whim"?
[03:48] Ryou
    That's nothing but whims upon whims!
[03:49] Ryou
    What's he even going to make?!
[03:52] Himeru
    It seems our chef went to
    play pachinko on a whim.
[03:54] Ryou
    He even decides whether or
    not to work on a whim?!
SIGN    *Answer: "It's the (H)ina Festival, but we don't even have any (H)ina sweets,
[03:57] Ryou
    It doesn't matter. Just bring
    whatever lunch set you have.
[04:00] Himeru
    O-Okay, then, whatever we have...
SIGN    so I wanted to give them a (H)ina-(S)a(M)a." Did you figure it out?
[04:02] Himeru
    Oh, and what would you like to drink?
[04:04] Ryou
    Oh, I get to choose? Then a co—
[04:06] Himeru
    Would you like Tabasco or chili oil?
[04:09] Ryou
    What, did I lose a bet or something?!
[04:11] Himeru
    We have both in either hot or iced.
[04:13] Ryou
    Those are the two most
    pointless options ever!
[04:14] Ryou
    Fine! Just bring me iced chili oil!
[04:16] Himeru
    And would you like lemon or milk?
[04:18] Ryou
    Hmm, that's a tough decision.
[04:19] Ryou
    Then I'll have milk chili oil...
[04:21] Ryou
    Like I'd say that!
[04:21] Ryou
    What about this place is "healthy," anyway?!
[04:23] Ryou
    There's not a shred of "healthy" anywhere!
[04:26] Himeru
    It's actually "Hell See."
[04:27] Ryou
    See Hell?!
[04:29] Ryou
    With a menu like this,
    anyone would see Hell!
SIGN    A Few Days Later...
[04:32] Himeru
    The café went out of business
    before I could be fired.
[04:35] Ryou
    That shouldn't be a surprise.
SIGN    If you don't have a place to
    work, visit the mental clinic!!
SIGN    This program is a work of fiction. There is no guarantee that the treatments mentioned herein
    will work. Before having a medical exam, make sure the doctor deals in these treatments first.
[04:40] ---

18 - Subconscious Patterns of People Likely to Suffer from Mental Disorders

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] Maid
    I'll be right back, meow.
SIGN    Comical Psychosomatic Medicine!
[00:03] Ryou
    What?! Iyashi-san is sizing up the competition?!
SIGN    Episode 18
    "Subconscious Patterns of
    People Likely to Suffer
    from Mental Disorders"
[00:05] Asuna
    Oh, it's not like at a sumo match, though.
SIGN    Face each other!
[00:08] Ryou
    I know that!
[00:10] Himeru
    Don't say such mean things, Asuna.
[00:11] Himeru
    It's the kind of meeting
    where two people assess
SIGN    Looks
SIGN    Age
[00:13] Himeru
    each other's looks, age, and income,
SIGN    Income
SIGN    Personality
[00:14] Himeru
    as well as whether the other has
    a personality they can control,
SIGN    I guess that's about it...
[00:16] Himeru
    and determine what they'd be willing
    to compromise if they lived together.
[00:18] Ryou
    Right, the kind of meeting where
    they find what to compromise on...
[00:20] Ryou
    Wait, what you're saying is even meaner!
[00:22] Asuna
    Oh, right...
SIGN    I did not feel a connection this time. I wish you the best in the future.
[00:23] Asuna
    You mean the kind where she finds things
    to compromise on, and he refuses?
[00:26] Ryou
    Why do you assume he'll refuse...
[00:28] Ryou
    Er, huh?
SIGN    ※We apologize for the distorted audio and video in the previous section.
[00:29] Asuna
    Today will actually be
    Onee-chan's 108th meeting.
SIGN    108th...
[00:33] Ryou
    What, like the New Year's bell?!
[00:34] [SONG] Text
    Let's go snoop!
    It'll be hilarious!
[00:34] Asuna
    Doctor, I'm worried. Could we sneak
    over and keep an eye on her?
SIGN    It's not because of any sort of "special circumstances"!
[00:37] Ryou
    Uh, I think your real intentions
    are written all over your face...
SIGN    It's really not... um... If you just can't accept that, visit the mental clinic!
[00:41] Asuna
    By the way, the place they're meeting in
    is kind of informal, so don't be surprised.
[00:45] Asuna
    Oh, here it is.
SIGN    Moemimi Café
[00:48] Maid
    Welcome ho-meow, Master!
SIGN    Nozoki/Kangoshi Marriage Meeting Site
[00:51] Ryou
    You can only take "informal" so far!
[00:53] Ryou
    Who has a marriage meeting in a maid café?!
[00:55] Asuna
    Onee-chan's in there.
[00:56] Ryou
    That's beyond eccentric!
[00:57] Maid
    What'll you have, meow?
[00:57] Ryou
    That nice kimono just looks
    like some fanatical cosplay!
[00:59] Guy
    I'll have the Special Meow-Meow Drink.
[01:00] Asuna
    She's been turned down
    in so many normal places,
[01:02] Maid
    Got it, meow!
[01:02] Asuna
    she thought maybe it'd work out
    in a place that was less typical.
[01:05] Ryou
    This is even worse!
[01:06] Ryou
    So where's the guy?
[01:07] Asuna
    It's that guy in the Japanese clothing.
[01:09] Ryou
    Japanese? I don't see...
SIGN    Japan
[01:11] Ryou
    You don't call that "Japanese clothing"!
[01:13] Ryou
    And that's the voyeur guy we saw before!
[01:16] Asuna
    When you've done this 108 times,
    guys like him are all that's left.
[01:19] Himeru
    B-But you know, despite his looks,
    he might be a nice person.
[01:23] Iyashi
    S-So, what type of women do you like?
SIGN    Middle school girls.
SIGN    Middle school girls♥
[01:28] Ryou
    How is that supposed to lead
    into a marriage meeting?!
[01:30] Iyashi
    Wh-What's your favorite food?
[01:31] Guy
    Rice balls made by middle school girls.
[01:34] Ryou
    That has nothing to do with
    appetite! That's just lust!
[01:36] Iyashi
    Wh-What's your dream for the future?
[01:38] Guy
    To marry into a middle school girl's family.
[01:41] Ryou
    Why'd you even come here?!
SIGN    Tremble
[01:42] Ryou
    Worst of all, that's not legally possible!
[01:45] Iyashi
    H-How wonderful! You're so consistent
    and honest about who you are!
[01:49] Ryou
    What?! How did you interpret
    that so favorably?!
[01:51] Guy
    But are you okay with this?
[01:53] Guy
    Doesn't just meeting me like this
    cause you all kinds of trouble?
[01:56] Ryou
    What an awful thing to say!
[01:57] Ryou
    And I can't tell if you're being
    sarcastic or just masochistic!
[01:59] Ryou
    Why are you turning red?
[02:01] Himeru
    Sometimes, when Onee-chan
    is insulted, she turns red.
[02:05] Himeru
    Is it psychologically possible to fall
    for someone because they insulted you?
SIGN    Cognitive Consistency Theory
[02:10] Ryou
    Then, today, let's discuss the
[02:12] Ryou
    "cognitive consistency theory" of
    psychologists Deutsch and Solomon.
[02:15] Ryou
    Put simply, people with
    high opinions of themselves
SIGN    High
[02:16] [SONG] Text
    People with high opinions of themselves
    like people who think highly of them
SIGN    You're
    really
    great.
[02:18] Ryou
    like people who think highly of them.
SIGN    Low
[02:19] [SONG] Text
    People with low opinions of themselves
    like people who think poorly of them
SIGN    You're
    no
    good.
[02:20] Ryou
    And people with low opinions of themselves
    like people who think poorly of them.
[02:24] Himeru
    Really?
[02:25] Ryou
    Yes, in other words, since what he
    says matches her own self-image...
SIGN    "He understands me..."
SIGN    "He understands me..."
[02:29] Ryou
    ...is what she'll think.
[02:30] Ryou
    But if someone says the opposite...
SIGN    You're no good.
SIGN    What's with him? Jerk...
SIGN    You're really great.
SIGN    Giving me cheap compliments when he doesn't even know me...
[02:35] Ryou
    It ends up this way.
[02:37] Himeru
    Oh, I think I underst—
[02:38] Grandpa
    I understand!
[02:39] Grandpa
    It burns me up when clerks in
    department stores offer me an S!
SIGN    You're an S, correct?
SIGN    Vice versa! I'm a total M!
SIGN    I'm a total M!
[02:45] Ryou
    Don't lump clothing sizes and
    sexual fetishes together!
[02:48] Maid
    See you again-meow, Master!
[02:49] Ryou
    So, those who like people with high
    opinions of them are confident people.
[02:51] Girl
    You're really great.
[02:53] Guy
    All right! Now I'm even more confident!
[02:54] Ryou
    Because of that, they can
    accept compliments happily.
[02:56] Asuna
    I see!
[02:57] Ryou
    But those who like people who think
    poorly of them may lack confidence.
[03:01] Ryou
    So when someone insults them, they
    think the person understands them,
SIGN    You're no good♥
[03:03] Ryou
    and end up trusting them.
[03:05] Asuna
    So is that why tsundere girls in anime
    have such deeply rooted popularity?
SIGN    Are you stupid?
    I'm not doing this for you or anything!
[03:09] Ryou
    It's possible that, for people
    with low confidence,
SIGN    Ooooh!
[03:11] Ryou
    being treated coldly inspires
    a feeling of trust.
[03:14] Ryou
    So if you like people who think highly
    of you, that's a very good thing.
[03:19] Ryou
    But if you tend to like people
    who think poorly of you,
[03:22] Ryou
    try accepting compliments
    gratefully now and then.
[03:25] Ryou
    No matter how small, if you can accept
    yourself and those around you positively,
[03:29] Ryou
    that's where everything will begin.
[03:31] Himeru
    Got it!
[03:32] Asuna
    Does that mean Iyashi-oneechan
[03:34] Asuna
    has lost confidence after failing
    in so many marriage meetings?
[03:37] Himeru
    You're saying that might be why she
    falls for people who reject her?
[03:42] Ryou
    S-So it would seem...
[03:44] Guy
    Wait, you don't even have
    a boyfriend yet, do you?
[03:47] Guy
    You're not a middle school girl
    anymore, so shouldn't you hurry?
[03:50] Iyashi
    Y-Yes...
[03:50] Ryou
    She doesn't want to hear that from you!
[03:52] Guy
    Well, if you asked me to marry you,
    I might be willing to think about it.
[03:57] Guy
    Of course, middle school girls are best,
SIGN    Tremble
[03:59] Guy
    but I actually have a broad strike zone.
[04:01] Ryou
    That's the worst expression
    of affection ever!
[04:03] Guy
    We'll have our wedding at the
    local girls' middle school!
[04:05] Iyashi
    U-Um...
[04:06] Ryou
    Your face is redder than ever!
[04:08] Ryou
    D-D-Don't tell me...
[04:10] Iyashi
    This is my answer.
[04:11] Ryou
    Wait! You're really giving the OK?!
[04:20] Voice
    KO!
SIGN    Bam
[04:23] Ryou
    It was "KO"!
[04:25] ---
    You win!
[04:29] Iyashi
    That's 108 wins out of 108 battles.
[04:32] Asuna
    By the way, all the other
    guys were KO'ed, too.
[04:35] Ryou
    Would you call those "wins"?
SIGN    If you thought you were winning, but have a
    feeling you're losing, visit the mental clinic!
SIGN    This program is a work of fiction. There is no guarantee that the treatments mentioned herein
    will work. Before having a medical exam, make sure the doctor deals in these treatments first.

19 - What Day is the Toughest on Your Mental State?

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
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SIGN    Episode 19
    "What Day is the Toughest
    on Your Mental State?"
[00:00] Himeru
    D-Doctor Ryou...
[00:02] Ryou
    Y-Yes?
[00:04] Himeru
    Can the two of us go out
    right now for drinks?
[00:10] Himeru
    The two of us...
SIGN    Shiver
SIGN    Inner Angel
SIGN    Well done!
[00:14] Angel
    You're a ladies' man!
SIGN    Inner Devil
SIGN    Don't be naïve!
[00:15] Devil
    She's probably in the dating "business."
SIGN    Inner Gigolo
SIGN    So what?!
[00:16] Gigolo
    Make her fall for you*.
SIGN    Inner Mother
SIGN    You're just trying
    to look good again!
[00:18] Mother
    She'll only make you cry! Don't go!
SIGN    Comical Psychosomatic Medicine!
[00:24] Ryou
    You just wanted to ask for advice?
[00:26] Himeru
    Yes.
[00:27] Ryou
    I see.
[00:29] Himeru
    I couldn't say it in front of the others...
[00:31] Ryou
    I suppose not.
[00:32] Ryou
    Oh, how about this place?
[00:34] Himeru
    This looks great. Do you come here often?
[00:37] Ryou
    I'm with a woman, so I*
    should act like a regular.
[00:39] Ryou
    Yeah, I do.
SIGN    No Exposure No Life
[00:41] Guy
    Welcome to Rosch 2 Bar.
[00:43] Ryou
    It's pronounced "roshutsu" (exposure)?!
[00:45] Ryou
    Wait, you're that exhibitionist!
SIGN    ※See episode 10. Exhibitionism is an illness that makes people want to expose themselves. If you're deeply interested in self-exposure, please watch it.
[00:48] Himeru
    S-So you're a regular at bars like this one?
SIGN    He actually... likes to strip...?
[00:51] Ryou
    That was a lie!
SIGN    Whoooa
[00:52] Ryou
    You've never seen me here before, right?!
[00:54] Guy
    Don't worry. When it comes
    to customers' privacy...
[00:57] Ryou
    With all you're exposing,
    you talk about privacy?!
SIGN    It's true!
[01:00] Ryou
    What are you doing here, anyway?
[01:02] (Flashback) Cop
    You're free to go.
[01:02] Guy
    Well, after I was arrested for exposure...
[01:04] GuyIn
    I think I'll open a bar and work hard.
[01:06] Guy
    I decided to start over
    from the bare essentials.
[01:08] Ryou
    You meant "bare" literally!
    Aren't you just "starting over bare"?!
[01:11] Lady
    U-Um...
[01:13] Guy
    It's from the lady over there.
[01:16] Ryou
    This is clearly meant for you.
SIGN    I can see it sometimes. Please be careful.
[01:18] Guy
    I'm sorry! Let me apologize by stripping!
[01:20] Ryou
    That's not an apology!
    You just want to strip!
[01:22] Guy
    The rule at this bar is that you have
    to strip when you make a mistake...
[01:26] Guy
    Oops! I dropped a glass!
SIGN    Shatter
[01:27] Ryou
    You did that on purpose!
    You just want to be naked!
[01:30] Guy
    That aside,
[01:31] Guy
    here's your marudashita.
[01:33] Ryou
    That's "margarita"!
[01:34] Guy
    My mistake! I'll take it off!
[01:36] Ryou
    I know you're doing this on purpose!
[01:38] Ryou
    Look, please just call
    off that rule for today.
[01:40] Guy
    Really? But the rule
    includes customers, too...
[01:43] Ryou
    Even more reason to call it off.
[01:44] Guy
    Very we—
SIGN    Shatter
[01:46] Himeru
    Ouch...
[01:47] Himeru
    They broke...
[01:49] Himeru
    But thank goodness it happened
    after the rule was called off.
[01:53] Guy
    You regret it now, don't you?
[01:55] Ryou
    Yeah, a little.
[01:57] Ryou
    So what did you want advice about?
[01:58] Himeru
    W-Well, there's something I think I
    need to do, but I can't seem to do it.
[02:04] Himeru
    So, Doctor, I want you to...
[02:06] Himeru
    make me a woman!
[02:08] Ryou
    What?!
[02:09] Himeru
    You know, men often say...
SIGN    Make me a man!
SIGN    Suzuki Ichirou
[02:12] Himeru
    ...things like that, right?
[02:13] Ryou
    That's what you meant?
[02:14] Ryou
    Then let's talk about this.
[02:16] Ryou
    In psychology, there's something
[02:16] [SONG] Text
    Enhancement of Dominant Response
    Through Visceral Arousal
[02:17] ---
    we call "enhancement of dominant
    responses through visceral arousal."
[02:20] Himeru
    Please, be more gentle...
[02:22] Ryou
    You mean to reword it in
    simpler terms, right?
[02:24] Ryou
    You give people the wrong idea,
    wording things like that!
[02:26] Guy
    What a dirty mind you have.
[02:28] Ryou
    I don't want to hear that from you!
[02:30] Ryou
    "Visceral arousal" means, in short,
    psyching yourself up.
SIGN    Visceral Arousal
[02:34] Ryou
    And "dominant response" means
    just that: a dominant response.
SIGN    Dominant Response
SIGN    I wanna go have a parfait!
SIGN    But I have practice...
[02:40] Ryou
    In this case, "I want to go"
    is the dominant response...
SIGN    Dominant Response
SIGN    I need to clean!
SIGN    But it's such a pain...
[02:44] Ryou
    And here, "I don't want to"
    is the dominant response.
[02:46] Himeru
    So it's the stronger feeling?
[02:48] Ryou
    Yes. In other words, "enhancement
    of dominant responses
[02:50] ---
    through visceral arousal" means
SIGN    when you psych yourself up to do something,
[02:54] ---
    the stronger of the two
    feelings is further enhanced.
[02:56] Ryou
    You like your desired option even more,
    or hate your undesired option even more.
[02:59] Ryou
    Most people psych themselves up
    when they have to do something.
[03:02] Ryou
    At those times, if it's something
    they truly want to do...
SIGN    All right! I'm gonna go eat a parfait!
[03:06] Ryou
    ...this happens, but if it's something
    they don't really like...
SIGN    I'm gonna clean!
SIGN    Nope, I'm not!
[03:11] Ryou
    ...this happens.
[03:13] Ryou
    In fact, many people visit the
    mental clinic after a weekend.
[03:16] Himeru
    Why is that?
SIGN    Weekend's over, time to get to work!
[03:19] Ryou
    Psyching themselves up this way only
    makes them want to do it less,
SIGN    Don't wanna go!
[03:22] Ryou
    so it's possible they're
    under a lot of stress.
[03:24] Guy
    They do call Mondays "Bloomer Day."
[03:27] Ryou
    That's "Blue Monday"!
[03:29] Ryou
    And don't wear bloomers like theirs!
[03:30] Ryou
    If you don't want to go to work or
    school, avoid psyching yourself up...
[03:36] Guy
    For starters, I'll just get on the train.
[03:37] Girl
    For starters, I'll just go to
    school to talk to my friends.
[03:39] Ryou
    ...but think about it
    nonchalantly, like this.
[03:41] Himeru
    So in my case, too...
[03:43] Ryou
    Yes, it's possible that your dominant
    inner response is that "it's a bother."
[03:47] Ryou
    So psyching yourself up will
    have the opposite effect.
[03:50] Himeru
    So that's what it is.
[03:51] Ryou
    Stressing or panicking over something
    won't always bring good results.
[03:55] Ryou
    Just relax and start with
    what you know you can do.
[03:58] Ryou
    The key word is "for starters."
[04:00] Himeru
    I understand.
[04:02] Himeru
    I sort of feel like I might
    be able to do it now.
[04:04] Himeru
    Thank you!
[04:07] Ryou
    Huh? The mood is looking kind of good...
[04:09] Guy
    Sir, the menu...
[04:10] Ryou
    There'll never be a good mood in this bar!
[04:12] Ryou
    And I can't take the menu
    from that position!
[04:13] Himeru
    The thing I have to do now...
[04:16] Guy
    This is today's recommendation.
[04:16] Himeru
    The thing I couldn't do before...
[04:17] Ryou
    Don't show me!
[04:18] Guy
    The menu?
[04:19] Himeru
    That's right. I'll start
    small and nonchalant.
[04:19] Ryou
    No, not that!
[04:22] Himeru
    For starters, I'll take out my phone...
[04:25] Himeru
    For starters, I'll dial the number...
[04:27] Himeru
    And for starters, I'll just talk.
[04:30] Ryou
    Himeru-san...
[04:33] Himeru
    I was able to report him.
[04:35] Ryou
    Uh... That's great...
SIGN    If, for starters, you've gone too
    far, visit the mental clinic!
SIGN    This program is a work of fiction. There is no guarantee that the treatments mentioned herein
    will work. Before having a medical exam, make sure the doctor deals in these treatments first.
[04:40] ---

20 - What Kind of Place Is a Mental Clinic?

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] Asuna
    Then the examination begins.
SIGN    Comical Psychosomatic Medicine!
SIGN    Episode 20
    "What Kind of Place Is
    a Mental Clinic?"
[00:10] Asuka
    Hello, everyone! I'm the
    nurse, Kangoshi Asuna!
[00:14] Ryou
    I'm the psy—
[00:15] Asuna
    Visit the mental clinic!
[00:16] Ryou
    Uh, you're getting to the
    conclusion too quickly.
[00:18] Asuna
    Wipe, wipe, wipe...
[00:18] Ryou
    What, are we closing up shop now?!
[00:20] Asuna
    You know, Doctor, we've said "visit the
    mental clinic" a lot in this anime.
[00:24] Asuna
    What's an examination at a
    mental clinic actually like?
[00:27] Ryou
    Um, your working at one
    is part of the setting...
[00:31] Ryou
    Incidentally, what do you think, Asuna-san?
[00:34] Asuna
    Well, I know what an optomental
    clinic is like...
[00:37] Ryou
    Right, right, optomental.
[00:38] Ryou
    No, that's "optometry"!
[00:39] Asuna
    Then a metal clinic!
[00:41] Robot
    I will treat you with a super alloy.
[00:43] Ryou
    Awesome...
[00:45] Ryou
    So, today, let's take a look at how
[00:47] ---
    a first examination at a typical
    mental clinic might go.
SIGN    Comical Mental Clinic
[00:52] Asuna
    Comical Mental Clinic!
SIGN    Welcome to the Mental Clinic
SIGN    Clear the clouds from your soul at the mental clinic.
[01:04] Voice
    Yes, this is the Yuu Mental Clinic.
[01:06] Girl
    Um, I'd like to schedule a first visit...
[01:07] Asuna
    First, you make an appointment by phone.
[01:10] Voice
    This will be your first visit? All right.
[01:13] Asuna
    Some clinics also allow you
    to make appointments online.
[01:14] Girl
    Is this it?
SIGN    Reception
[01:16] Asuna
    Then you arrive at the clinic.
[01:16] Clerk
    Hello.
[01:17] Asuna
    You're checked in at reception.
[01:18] Girl
    Um, I have an appointment...
[01:18] Asuna
    Whether the receptionist looks pretty
    or not varies from patient to patient.
[01:22] Clerk
    May I see your insurance card, please?
[01:24] Asuna
    Fill out a medical questionnaire
    while you wait to be called.
[01:27] Girl
    So I've been a bit concerned...
[01:28] Asuna
    You might speak with a psychologist
    before being examined by a doctor.
[01:30] Psych
    I see... All right, then.
[01:33] Nurse
    This way to the examination room.
[01:35] Girl
    O-Okay.
SIGN    Examination Room 1
[01:39] Yuuki
    Hi there. I'm Doctor Yuuki.
[01:42] Girl
    Hi.
[01:42] Asuna
    Whether the doctor looks handsome or
    not varies from patient to patient.
[01:44] Yuuki
    Can you tell me what's bothering
    you in a bit more detail?
[01:48] Asuna
    Based on your symptoms, the doctor
    will recommend treatment methods
[01:52] Asuna
    and give advice for your day-to-day life.
[01:54] Asuna
    He may also prescribe medication.
SIGN    Billing
[01:57] Asuna
    Then you pay, and you're finished.
[01:57] Girl
    Thank you so much.
[01:59] Clerk
    Take care going home.
[01:59] Asuna
    Well done!
[02:04] Ryou
    And that's your typical
    mental clinic examination.
[02:09] Asuna
    That's too ordinary!
[02:11] Ryou
    Is something wrong with being ordinary?!
[02:13] Asuna
    There were no jokes in that at all!
[02:15] Asuna
    What do you think this anime is for?!
[02:18] Asuna
    How could you use up all that
    time and achieve nothing?!
[02:22] Asuna
    What exactly do you think your job is?!
[02:25] Asuna
    But if this is a typical visit,
[02:28] Asuna
    then what would a mental clinic
    that's not typical be like?
[02:32] Ryou
    Huh?!
SIGN    A Mental Clinic That's Not Typical
[02:39] All
    Me! Me! Me!
SIGN    Tenryou
[02:42] Ryou
    Okay, Himeru-san.
[02:45] Himeru
    Y-You're billed first.
[02:46] [SONG] Text
    Billing
[02:47] Clerk
    Hello. That'll be 5,000 yen.
[02:49] Clerk
    Take care going home.
[02:51] Ryou
    Give her one cushion!
[02:52] All
    Me! Me!
[02:53] Ryou
    Okay, Sukizou-san.
[02:56] Grandpa
    The waiting room chairs are Spanish donkeys!
[02:58] Ryou
    Take one cushion from him.
[02:59] Ryou
    Next, Iyashi-san.
[03:01] Iyashi
    Okay!
[03:03] Iyashi
    It's like a host club.
[03:04] Ryou
    Okay, next...
[03:06] Ryou
    Beard-chan.
[03:07] Beard
    Okay!
[03:08] Beard
    What's wrong today?
[03:09] Ryou
    What's wrong with you?!
[03:11] Asuna
    Me! Me!
[03:13] Ryou
    Okay, Asuna-san, go ahead.
[03:14] Asuna
    The examination is like grade school!
[03:16] Doc
    Now, who can't sleep at night?
    I won't get mad, so raise your hand.
[03:20] Himeru
    E-Everyone is...
SIGN    Reception
[03:23] Himeru
    topless.
[03:24] Guy
    Is this your first visit?
[03:26] Iyashi
    Explanations are more erotic than necessary.
[03:29] Doc
    This medicine will warm
    you like a hot housewife.
[03:33] All
    Me! Me! Me!
[03:34] Grandpa
    Their street solicitation is really persistent!
[03:36] Guy
    Hey, boss! Wanna stop by?
    We've got a new nurse!
[03:39] Grandpa
    Really?!
[03:40] Himeru
    Th-They spell out the names of
    illnesses with their butts.
SIGN    Depression
[03:44] Iyashi
    In the interest of personal
    privacy, everyone wears masks.
SIGN    They talk funny
[03:47] Beard
    Are you depression?
[03:49] Beard
    I can doctor.
[03:50] Asuna
    They persistently guide you
    toward future business!
SIGN    Find out more on the WEB!!
SIGN    Mental
SIGN    Search
[03:51] Doc
    Find out more on the web!
[03:52] Sukizou
    There are two entrances!
[03:54] Sukizou
    Do they mean me or the doctor?
[03:56] Himeru
    The doctor only talks about himself.
[03:58] Doc
    So then I thought, if I just
    run alongside this river...
SIGN    Earn 10 stamps and get 5x the sleeping meds for free!
[04:01] [SONG] Text
    Examined
[04:01] Asuna
    They issue point cards!
SIGN    Prank Successful
[04:03] Iyashi
    There's someone standing
    by who makes you nervous.
SIGN    Don't Let your Dog Poop Here
[04:06] [SONG] Text
    Sleep Meds Available
    Pay Here
[04:06] [SONG] Text
    Open Air Mental Clinic
    Open: 24/7/365
    Closed: Never
    Loans available.
[04:06] Himeru
    It's 100% self-service.
[04:07] Asuna
    Their introductions are long!
[04:09] Doc
    When the doctor comes out,
    give him a round of applause!
[04:12] Himeru
    The pills are... way too big...
[04:15] Iyashi
    They can really move their hips!
[04:17] Doc
    Hey, hey!
[04:18] Ryou
    This goes way beyond "not typical"!
[04:26] Asuna
    I hope this anime broadens the appeal
    of mental clinics at least a little.
[04:31] Ryou
    Yeah...
[04:32] Ryou
    But what do we do if it actually lessens it?
SIGN    This program is a work of fiction. There is no guarantee that the treatments mentioned herein
    will work. Before having a medical exam, make sure the doctor deals in these treatments first.
SIGN    If the opposite of what you imagine keeps
    happening, visit the mental clinic!!
[04:40] ---