5 - Tsukamoto-kun's Life Is All About Laughs

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
SIGN    I ♥ Aoyama
SIGN    Team  Aoyama
[00:09] sat
    Damn it!
[00:12] cheer
    Clean! Clean! A-o-ya-ma!
[00:15] cheer
    Clean! Clean! A-o-ya-ma!
[00:18] sat
    C-Captain, what are you doing?
[00:18] cheer
    Clean! Clean! A-o-ya-ma!
[00:23] cap
    Nice shot! Good job, Aoyama!
[00:26] aoy
    Th-Thanks.
[00:28] tsu
    I never expected our captain to join
    Aoyama's fan club: Team Aoyama.
[00:34] sak
    Oh.
[00:36] yos
    Here it comes!
[00:38] tsu
    There, there, there, there!
[00:39] sak
    And there it is!
[00:40] sak
    The time-honored treasure in
    four eyes' arsenal, butt keepie-uppie!
[00:40] tsu
    There, there, there, there!
[00:47] tsu
    It's working! It's working!
[00:49] tsu
    This'll work tomorrow, too.
[00:51] tsu
    I'm all about scoring laughs, not goals!
SIGN    #05
SIGN    Tsukamoto-kun's Life Is
    All About Laughs
[02:29] sak
    Gotcha!
[02:32] yos
    Four eyes!
[02:34] tsu
    Yeah!
[02:39] miw
    The three stooges are combining nicely.
[02:42] all
    Yeah, yeah, yeah!
[02:46] sak
    Go!
[02:47] tsu
    Oops!
[02:47] yos
    Hey!
[02:48] miw
    Um...
[02:49] miw
    Hi-yah!
[02:52] tsu
    Ow!
[02:54] miw
    You're taking it too far.
[02:56] miw
    But it's great that you put
    the team in a good mood.
[03:00] miw
    Do the same in tomorrow's match, too.
[03:02] tsu
    Leave it to me.
[03:04] oot
    Go!
[03:05] tsu
    There!
[03:06] oot
    Go!
[03:06] tsu
    There!
[03:07] oot
    Go!
[03:14] zai
    You're goofing off too much!
[03:15] sak
    It's fine. Tsukamoto's our
    "good vibes" officer.
[03:19] yos
    This is just another day for him.
[03:22] oot
    Another!
[03:23] tsu
    Oops.
[03:28] cheer
    Dodge! Dodge! Dodge! Dodge! Dodge!
[03:36] cheer
    He dodged it! Aoyama dodged it!
[03:38] cheer
    He dodged it! Aoyama dodged it!
[03:40] zai
    Captain, what are you doing?!
[03:43] yos
    You didn't know, Zaizen?
    His girlfriend's an Aoyama fan.
[03:47] sak
    I've gained a newfound respect
    for our captain.
[03:52] (Flashback) gir
    Gaku-kun...
[03:54] (Flashback) cap
    Yurippe...
[03:57] (Flashback) gir
    Good luck!
[03:59] (Flashback) ---
    Thanks!
[04:01] (Flashback) cap
    Yuri—
SIGN    I ♥
    Aoyama
[04:05] (Flashback) girl
    I only love you, Gaku.
SIGN    I ♥
    Aoyama
[04:17] sak
    I didn't think he'd choose the life of
    being an Aoyama fan with his girlfriend.
[04:23] zai
    I see.
[04:25] zai
    He's a member of the Aoyama fan club
    and the soccer team captain.
[04:29] cap
    I'll get going now.
[04:31] girl
    Yeah, do your best!
SIGN    Curse
[04:35] zai
    This team is rotten to the core.
[04:42] all
    Good morning!
[04:44] gua
    Yes, good morni—
[04:49] cheer
    A-o-ya-ma! A-o-ya-ma!
[04:52] cheer
    A-o-ya-ma! A-o-ya-ma!
[04:56] cheer
    A-o-ya-ma! A-o-ya-ma!
[04:56] yoos
    I totally didn't eat enough yesterday.
[04:59] zai
    Are you kidding me?
[05:01] sak
    Feed us our post-match meal again.
[05:02] zai
    My treat again?
[05:04] zai
    Get lost!
[05:11] min
    I never thought the day would come
    when the statue wouldn't be useless.
[05:19] sak
    Today's field is grass! Woo!
[05:22] yos
    Random diving!
[05:24] zai
    We didn't come here to fool around!
[05:27] mok
    I-I don't see Aoyama-kun anywhere!
[05:29] zai
    Not again!
[05:32] aoy
    Hi.
[05:33] zai
    Damn you! Where have you been?!
[05:35] cheer
    A-o-ya-ma! A-o-ya-ma!
[05:39] cheer
    A-o-ya-ma! A-o-ya-ma!
[05:42] cheer
    A-o-ya-ma! A-o-ya-ma!
[05:44] cap
    I'm going now, Yurippe.
[05:46] yur
    Okay. Good luck, Gaku.
[05:51] cap
    Gather round!
[05:51] zai
    Hell no! What's wrong with you?!
[05:55] sak
    Four eyes! Do that thing you always do!
[05:59] tsu
    Y-Yeah, I got it!
[06:02] oot
    It's what we've all been waiting for!
[06:06] tsu
    Ow!
[06:08] kad
    I'm sorry! My ball flew over this way!
[06:11] kad
    Are you okay?
[06:14] kad
    Hi, I'm the captain of Minamida Fuzoku
    High School, Kadomatsu Ryou.
[06:28] kad
    Nice to meet you.
[06:34] sak
    What's wrong, four eyes? You've gone pale.
[06:37] yos
    Have you got a stomachache?
[06:38] tsu
    What? Haha, no, I'm fine!
[06:41] tsu
    Let's go warm up!
SIGN    Fujimi
SIGN    1st
SIGN    2nd
SIGN    Total
SIGN    Minamida Fuzoku
[06:51] shig
    Don't let him through!
    Force him to the wings!
[06:54] cam
    Here it comes!
[07:01] cam
    Aoyama's really something.
[07:05] cam
    He's playing on a whole other level.
[07:10] cam
    You know, in the high school soccer world,
[07:14] cam
    Fujimi High School may very well
    become the eye of the storm.
[07:18] cam2
    I don't know about that.
[07:19] cam2
    I've shot high school soccer
    for 20 years now.
[07:24] cam2
    And Aoyama, with his exceptional talent,
    is certainly the real deal.
[07:30] cam2
    But that's what's so damning.
[07:32] cam2
    This isn't the kind of team
    he should be playing for.
[07:36] cam2
    As long as they win, it's all good.
[07:37] cam2
    But what happens if they lose
    a preliminary match like this?
[07:41] cam2
    In this game, results are everything.
[07:44] cam2
    You may have a world-beater,
     but if the team loses, that's it.
[07:48] cam2
    Even a player like Aoyama won't get picked
    for the national team if they lose so early.
[07:52] cam2
    And then, he won't have any choice
    but to leave Fujimi High School.
[07:56] cam2
    If this team wants to keep their dream alive,
    they must keep winning for him.
[08:01] cam2
    However, high school soccer crushes
    thousands of similar dreams every year.
[08:06] cam2
    It's no walk in the park.
[08:07] kad
    Shige, pass it!
[08:09] ---
    Gotcha!
[08:11] kad
    This team only has Aoyama going for it.
[08:14] kad
    In my eyes, this team has a major weakness.
[08:19] ---
    And that weakness...
[08:21] sak
    Don't give him any space, four eyes!
[08:24] kad
    ...is you.
[08:36] cro
    What? He got into the box with ease!
[08:47] guy4
    All right!
[08:48] shig
    Nice pass, Kadomatsu!
[08:50] guy9
    Now, we're tied!
[08:52] sak
    What are you doing?!
    Stop sleepwalking and play!
[08:58] tsu
    Sorry...
[09:01] sak
    Anyway, we're still in the first half.
[09:03] yos
    L-Let's get back into the game.
[09:18] guy
    Down the right wing again?
    This time, he put it in himself!
[09:23] sak
    Hey, four eyes!
[09:26] kad
    Same old, same old, huh, Tsukamoto?
[09:30] kad
    You haven't changed
    one bit since the old days.
[09:41] kad
    You really are just a statue.
[09:49] yos
    Did something happen between them?
SIGN    Fujimi
SIGN    1st
SIGN    2nd
SIGN    Total
SIGN    Minamida Fuzoku
[09:55] cam
    I guess the first half's ending 2-1.
[10:00] cam2
    Minamida Fuzoku's parked the bus
    ever since they took the lead.
[10:06] cam2
    But yeah, looking at Fujimi High School...
[10:09] cam2
    Their number 4 has destroyed their game plan.
[10:11] sak
    Captain, where's four eyes?
[10:14] cap
    He walked off toward the school,
     so maybe he went to the bathroom?
[10:38] tsu
    Dammit.
[10:42] guy
    Aoyama's something else, but it looks
    like we've got the better of Fujimi.
[10:46] shig
    Thanks to that specky slow-mo.
[10:51] guy
    I heard their number 4 was in the same team
    as Kadomatsu-san in middle school.
[10:55] shig
    I heard that, too.
[10:56] shig
    He used to act all high and mighty
    despite being younger,
[10:59] shig
    so he got bullied constantly
    until he graduated, right?
[11:02] guy
    So that's why he's still terrified
    of Kadomatsu-san.
[11:06] shi
    Otherwise, he wouldn't be
    such a liability in defense.
[11:11] guy
    Well, after screwing up that much,
[11:14] guy
    he probably won't play the second half.
[11:22] sak
    Man, that idiot. Why didn't he tell us?
[11:25] yos
    Right?
[11:29] tsu
    I need to get going,
    or the second half will start without me.
[11:37] tsu
    Whoa! Aoyama, you were in here, too?!
[11:39] tsu
    Don't tell me you've been here
    the whole time...
[11:43] aoy
    You use too much paper.
[11:45] tsu
    That's the main talking point for you?!
[11:47] tsu
    Wait, that means you heard everything!
[11:50] tsu
    Not that it matters.
[11:53] tsu
    I won't be playing the second half, anyway.
[11:59] aoy
    Tsukamoto-san.
[12:02] tsu
    What?
[12:04] txt
    Team Aoyama Member and
    Soccer Team Captain!
SIGN    Ishikawa Gaku
[12:04] txt
    Tamura Yuri
SIGN    Thinks too highly  of himself!
[12:08] txt
    Kadomatsu
    Ryou
[12:11] cam
    The second half is starting!
[12:21] tsu
    Why didn't you sub me out, Miwa-chan?
[12:27] miw
    It's true that you're currently
    a burden on the team, but...
[12:34] (Flashback) sak
    Miwa-chan... No, Coach...
[12:38] (Flashback) sak
    You can sub him out immediately
    if we concede another goal from his wing,
[12:42] (Flashback) sak
    but can you please keep four eyes
    on the field for a bit longer?
[12:47] (Flashback) sak
    Please!
[12:52] miwa
    Those two goof-offs always mess around,
    but they asked me so seriously.
[12:57] miwa
    I can't help but want to trust them.
[13:00] miwa
    Now's the time for you to fight, Tsukamoto.
[13:03] miwa
    For your friends. And for yourself.
[13:07] cam
    Why didn't Fujimi sub out the number 4?
[13:11] cam2
    Beats me.
[13:12] cam2
    What I do know is that,
[13:14] cam2
    as long as he's out there,
[13:19] cam2
    he'll keep being targeted
    by the other team.
[13:23] guy
    Another attack down the right wing!
[13:28] kad
    Tsukamoto.
[13:40] (Flashback) guy
    That's amazing, Tsukamoto!
[13:41] (Flashback) guy
    You're not that good at soccer...
    How come you can do stuff like that?
[13:45] (Flashback) guy2
    That's so funny!
[13:48] (Flashback) kad
    Talk about annoying.
[14:01] (Flashback) kad
    What's the point of performing
    keepie-uppies with your butt?
[14:04] (Flashback) kad
    Are you stupid?
[14:07] (Flashback) kad
    It's annoying, so never do it again.
[14:11] (Flashback) kad
    Come on, guys. It's time for practice.
[14:14] tsu
    Kadomatsu-san was a second-year,
    and as the star player,
[14:17] tsu
    he was the center of the team.
[14:19] tsu
    Ever since that day,
    whenever I drew attention to myself,
[14:22] tsu
    he'd fire a ball at me.
[14:25] tsu
    After that happened a few times,
[14:28] tsu
    I began to freeze up in front of him,
    unable to move.
[14:34] (Flashback) kad
    You're so freaking boring.
    You're like a statue.
[14:41] tsu
    Guys, I'm sorry for being such a burden.
[14:44] tsu
    It's like I've traveled back in time!
[14:46] tsu
    I can't move!
[14:48] guy
    Their number 4 let him run past
    like he wasn't there again!
[14:52] sak
    Not on my watch!
[14:56] sak
    If we know you're gonna ghost
    past him every time, we can stop you!
[15:00] miw
    Nice, Sakai!
[15:04] sak
    Don't let him go through you so easily.
[15:06] sak
    I'll cover you, so be more aggressive.
[15:11] tsu
    Sakai, I'm sorry.
[15:17] sak
    Get your head in the game, four eyes.
[15:21] sak
    You're Fujimi High School's
    "good vibes" officer, after all.
[15:30] cap
    Take it!
[15:35] cam
    Shouldn't Aoyama be able
    to create more chances?
[15:39] cam2
    It's probably difficult right now.
[15:42] cam
    Minamida Fuzoku is keeping
    more players behind the ball.
[15:47] cam2
    But, and I don't know how to explain this,
[15:50] cam2
    it feels like he's waiting for something.
[15:54] cam2
    At least, it does to me.
[15:58] cam
    Either way, if they don't
    make something happen,
[16:01] cam
    Fujimi High School will lose.
SIGN    Fujimi
SIGN    1st
SIGN    2nd
SIGN    Total
SIGN    Minamida Fuzoku
[16:03] cam
    Here of all places.
[16:08] miwa
    Ten minutes left.
[16:10] oot
    They're going down the right again!
[16:16] tsu
    Dammit! Move!
[16:18] tsu
    You coward!
[16:23] sak
    I won't let you!
[16:34] tsu
    Yocchi!
[16:36] guy
    Sub out number 4!
[16:38] guy
    He's useless!
[16:40] sak
    Shut up!
[16:43] sak
    Listen up, four eyes!
    You have me and Yocchi behind you!
[16:46] yosh
    We can't get going without you.
[16:49] sak
    So stop running away!
[16:51] sak
    Don't you realize
    you're turning into a total bore?
[16:55] tsu
    Sakai. Yocchi.
[17:02] tsu
    When I joined the soccer team here,
[17:06] tsu
    I was still depressed.
[17:10] (Flashback) all
    You're so funny, Yoshioka!
[17:14] (Flashback) sak
    Coming your way!
[17:18] tsu
    But thanks to you, I was able to
    have fun playing soccer again.
[17:34] tsu
    I'm no longer...
[17:38] guy
    They're holding on, but Fujimi
    can't get out of their own half!
[17:41] sak
    I won't let you shoot!
[17:45] oot
    It was a feint!
[17:47] ish
    Crap! Kadomatsu's free!
[17:50] tsu
    A statue? Piss off.
[17:54] tsu
    That's...
[17:55] tsu
    ...so freaking boring!
[17:59] tsu
    I'm not the old me anymore!
[18:03] sak
    Four eyes!
[18:09] kad
    Bastard!
[18:11] cap
    Nice, Tsukamoto!
[18:13] cap
    Aoyama!
[18:17] zai
    Let's go! Time to counterattack!
[18:20] guy
    Aoyama's heading down the right!
[18:23] guy
    Is he going to cross it?
[18:25] guy
    Who's the target?
[18:30] zai
    I'm ready anytime, Aoyama!
[18:32] guy
    Huh? He's not passing?
[18:34] guy
    No! He waited too long,
    and now he's surrounded!
[18:38] cam
    Are you really going to lose here?
[18:45] tsu
    Aoyama!
[18:47] guy
    Their number 4's making an overlapping run?!
[18:53] (Flashback) aoy
    In the second half, try to come forward
    when you spot the chance.
[18:58] (Flashback) tsu
    No, like I just said...
[19:01] (Flashback) aoy
    I'm going to send a pass out to you.
[19:10] tsu
    Aoyama...
[19:14] guy
    A rabona!
[19:18] tsu
    What am I supposed to do with this pass?!
[19:20] tsu
    Should I use my foot?
    No, it's definitely at head height.
[19:24] tsu
    You idiot!
[19:26] tsu
    I don't have the skills
    to deal with this cross!
[19:30] aoy
    Tsukamoto-san.
[19:31] aoy
    Please do that thing
    you do to lift our spirits.
[19:44] tsu
    There.
[19:46] kad
    What?!
[19:48] kad
    His butt?!
[19:53] all
    Yeah!
[20:01] tus
    I accidentally used my... Wait, what?!
[20:04] guy
    What was that?!
[20:06] guy
    He scored a goal with his rump!
[20:08] guy
    Seriously? No way!
[20:09] guy
    I've never seen such godly buttock skills!
[20:14] tsu
    Just how I planned it!
[20:16] tsu
    That's what the great Tsukamoto Jin can do!
[20:20] tsu
    Phew!
[20:22] sak
    You bastard, stealing the spotlight!
[20:25] yos
    You made us worry, you little turd.
[20:28] all
    Bam.
[20:28] oot
    You did it!
[20:30] ish
    Bam.
[20:32] all
    Bam. Bam.
[20:33] tsu
    I-I can't breathe...
[20:35] zai
    Hey!
[20:38] kad
    Don't get ahead of yourselves!
    You only equalized!
[20:45] cam
    In the end, it was an easy victory
    for Fujimi High School.
SIGN    Fujimi
SIGN    1st
SIGN    2nd
SIGN    Total
SIGN    Minamida Fuzoku
[20:50] cam2
    After drawing level,
    they got two more goals to seal it.
[20:54] cheer
    You were amazing again today! Good work!
[20:54] cam
    Aoyama really is a cut above.
[21:03] cam
    In the final minutes,
    Minamida Fuzoku couldn't contain Aoyama.
[21:09] cam2
    His team may have won,
    but Aoyama was really terrible today.
[21:15] cam
    Aoyama might have played for
    that shot by the number 4.
[21:21] cam
    In order to restore his confidence
    after he'd made so many mistakes.
[21:25] tsu
    Victory dance!
[21:27] cam2
    If he loses in a place like this,
    he'd be throwing his entire career away.
[21:31] cam2
    If he really risked that much
    just to make that one play,
[21:37] cam2
    he's an idiot of epic proportions.
[23:13] voi
    It is Weekly Gonz's hugely popular manga,
[23:16] voi
    with over 10 million volumes in print!
[23:19] voi
    And now, "I'm Going to Save This World"
    is getting an anime adaptation!
[23:32] oza
    Guess I'll base my new character on him.
SIGN    Next time
SIGN    Ozaki-kun Has His Pride