E1 - Untitled

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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:09] Adachi/N
    My name is Kiyoshi Adachi.
[00:13] Adachi/N
    Because I remained a virgin
    until I turned 30,
[00:17] Adachi/N
    I gained the ability to use magic.
[00:22] Adachi
    Seriously?
[00:25] Adachi/N
    That said...
SIGN    What's your number one chicken?
[00:28] Adachi/N
    My power is painfully drab.
[00:30] Clerk
    Thank you.
[00:34] Clerk/Id
    Ugh, I accidentally touched him.
[00:36] Clerk/Id
    I can't.
[00:39] Adachi/N
    I can hear the thoughts
    of people I'm touching.
[00:45] Adachi/N
    That's all.
[00:49] Adachi/N
    It's not a very useful power,
[00:52] Adachi/N
    and it's hell while commuting on the train.
[00:55] Woman A
    Someone stepped on my foot.
[00:56] Man B
    I need money.
[00:57] Man C
    God, I hate them so much.
[00:59] Woman B
    Who just touched my butt?
[01:00] Man D
    Damn it.
[01:03] Adachi/N
    I thought about touching girls I'm
    interested in to see how they feel, but...
[01:11] Adachi/N
    If I were someone who could touch people,
    I wouldn't be a virgin at my age.
[01:24] Kurosawa
    Good morning, Adachi.
[01:28] Adachi
    Good morning.
[01:30] Kurosawa
    What's wrong? That was a heavy sigh.
[01:35] Adachi
    Nothing. I just hate how crowded
    the elevator gets every morning.
[01:41] Kurosawa
    Then shall we take the stairs
    to the 17th floor together?
[01:44] Kurosawa
    It'll be a good workout.
[01:46] Adachi/Id
    He's so bright.
[01:48] Adachi/N
    This is my colleague, Kurosawa.
[01:50] Adachi/N
    He's handsome, good at his job,
    friendly to gloomy plebs like me,
[01:55] Adachi/N
    nice to everyone...
[01:57] Female Employee A
    Kurosawa-senpai is looking
    dashing again today.
[02:00] Female Employee B
    You think he has a girlfriend?
[02:01] Female Employee D
    Of course he does.
[02:04] Adachi/N
    And he's devastatingly popular.
[02:07] Adachi/Id
    I bet he lost his virginity in his teens.
[02:11] Female Employee C
    Good morning.
[02:12] Kurosawa
    Good morning.
[02:13] Adachi/Id
    Ugh.
[02:16] Adachi/Id
    A little peek can't hurt.
[02:19] Adachi/Id
    You better have a crap personality.
[02:22] Kurosawa/Id
    Lucky me. I wasn't expecting us to
    run into each other this morning.
[02:27] Kurosawa/Id
    It'll seem suspicious if I stare too much.
[02:29] Kurosawa/Id
    But man, just look at that bedhead.
[02:31] Kurosawa/Id
    It's so cute.
[02:34] Adachi/Id
    He's in love with someone at work?!
[02:36] Adachi/Id
    I assumed he had a girlfriend.
[02:40] Adachi/Id
    Who is it?
[02:42] Adachi/Id
    Are there any girls with bedhead?
[02:47] Man
    Whoops.
[02:49] Kurosawa
    Are you okay?
[02:52] Kurosawa/Id
    Whoa...
[02:54] Adachi/Id
    What?
[02:56] Kurosawa/Id
    He's so close. He's so cute.
    I love him so much.
SIGN    He's so close.
SIGN    He's so cute.
SIGN    I love him so much.
[02:58] Kurosawa/Id
    His bedhead is so messy today.
[03:00] Kurodawa/Id
    Oh, crap. I'm so nervous.
[03:01] Kurosawa/Id
    His bedhead is so cute.
[03:02] Kurosawa/Id
    I get to see him up close this early?
[03:04] Kurosawa/Id
    Am I going to die today?
[03:05] Kurosawa/Id
    I can't. He's so cute!
[03:08] Kurosawa
    Adachi?
[03:10] Adachi/Id
    Seriously?
SIGN    Cherry Magic!
SIGN    Cherry Magic! Thirty Years of 
    Virginity Can Make You a Wizard?!
SIGN    Episode 1
[04:44] Adachi/Id
    This can't be. This can't be happening!
[04:48] Adachi/Id
    Wait.
[04:49] Adachi/Id
    I thought I gained magic powers,
    but what if I imagined all of it?
[04:55] Adachi/Id
    What if I've hallucinated
    everything I've heard?
[04:59] Adachi/Id
    That's it! That must be it!
[05:01] Adachi/Id
    After all, it doesn't make sense that I gained
    magic powers or that Kurosawa likes me!
[05:05] Kurosawa
    Yes, over the weekend.
[05:09] Kurosawa
    Sir, why don't you have some next?
[05:11] President
    Oh, thanks.
[05:14] Adachi/Id
    Either way, he's too perfect.
[05:17] Adachi/Id
    Even our crabby president
    is fawning over him.
[05:20] Director
    Adachi-kun!
[05:21] Adachi
    Yes, Director.
[05:24] Director
    Have you finished putting together
    those documents for the Albireo Company?
[05:28] Adachi
    What?
[05:28] Diretor
    I need those by the end of today!
[05:30] Adachi
    Uh, didn't you say you
    needed them by next week, sir?
[05:38] Adachi
    Nothing. Sorry, my mistake.
[05:42] Adachi/Id
    This can't be happening.
[05:45] Adachi/Id
    What could Kurosawa possibly like
[05:51] Adachi/Id
    about someone as lame as me?
[06:01] Adachi/Id
    It never ends.
[06:04] Kurosawa
    You're still here?
[06:06] Kurosawa/Id
    He's so diligent.
[06:08] Kurosawa/Id
    He should ask others for help more often.
[06:12] Kurosawa
    Fine. I'll help you.
[06:14] Kurosawa/Id
    Or rather, he should ask me*
     for help more often.
[06:18] Adachi
    Thanks.
[06:19] Adachi/Id
    It's just a hallucination.
[06:21] Adachi
    Could you handle this, then?
[06:23] Kurosawa
    Sure.
[06:25] Kurosawa/Id
    He has a mole on the nape of his neck.
[06:28] Kurosawa
    Hey.
[06:29] Kurosawa/Id
    What a naughty place for that.
[06:31] Kurosawa
    Do these numbers look odd to you?
[06:34] Kurosawa/Id
    I'd love to lick—
[06:36] Adachi
    One sec! B-Bathroom!
[06:42] Adachi
    There really is one there.
[06:44] Adachi
    So it wasn't a hallucination.
[06:48] Kurosawa
    We're finally finished.
[06:50] Adachi/Id
    I guess he means all of that.
[06:55] Kurosawa
    We're probably the only
    ones still at the office.
[06:58] Adachi
    You're right.
[07:01] Adachi/Id
    If he forced himself on me,
    no one would come to help.
[07:06] Kurosawa
    It's cold today, isn't it?
[07:17] Kurosawa
    You can borrow this.
[07:20] Kurosawa/Id
    I'm glad I brought a scarf today.
[07:22] Adachi
    I couldn't!
[07:23] Kurosawa
    It's fine.
[07:25] Kurosawa/Id
    His eyes are so bloodshot.
[07:27] Kurosawa/Id
    The director shouldn't dump so much*
    work on him just because he's diligent.
[07:33] Kurosawa
    If you caught a cold, that would
    mean more work for me.
[07:37] Kurosawa/Id
    I just can't leave him alone.
[07:40] Adachi/Id
    H-He's such a nice guy.
[07:43] Adachi/Id
    Sorry for thinking you'd
    force yourself on me.
[07:46] Kurosawa
    Let's head home.
[07:52] Adachi
    Thanks. I'm glad you were
     here to help me out today.
[07:59] Kurosawa
    It's not that big a deal.
[08:01] Adachi
    No, really. You were a huge help.
[08:04] Kurosawa
    In that case...
[08:06] Kurosawa
    Maybe I'll have you thank me
    with your body next time.
[08:10] Kurosawa
    What are you imagining, you perv?
[08:12] Kurosawa
    Treat me to dinner sometime.
[08:14] Adachi
    O-Okay.
[08:16] Adachi/Id
    Was he joking or not?!
[08:19] Kurosawa
    By the way, will you make the last train?
[08:22] Adachi
    What? Oh.
[08:24] Adachi
    They just stopped running.
[08:27] Kurosawa
    Seriously?
[08:28] Adachi
    Ugh. I have to pay for a taxi.
[08:32] Kurosawa
    Wanna stay at my place, then?
[08:39] Adachi
    What?
[08:40] Kurosawa
    It's a short taxi ride away.
[08:42] Adachi/Id
    What should I do?
[08:45] Adachi/Id
    Is it okay for me to casually go to
    Kurosawa's place when he likes me?
[08:50] Adachi/Id
    But he's a nice guy.
[08:52] Adachi/Id
    And I mean, nothing's happened so far...
[08:55] Adachi/Id
    Does he have ulterior motives or not?
[08:58] Adachi/Id
    Oh, right!
[08:59] Adachi/Id
    I'll know if I touch him!
[09:01] Adachi/Id
    Okay. Casually, now.
[09:04] Adachi
    I don't know...
[09:06] Adachi/Id
    Now's my chance!
[09:10] Kurosawa
    Are you okay?!
[09:12] Adachi
    Y-Yeah.
[09:15] Adachi/Id
    I'm such an idiot.
[09:17] Kurosawa
    Here.
[09:24] Kurosawa/Id
    That was really loud. I hope he's not hurt.
[09:28] Adachi/Id
    He's a really nice guy after all.
[09:30] Adachi/Id
    Sorry I doubted you.
[09:34] Adachi
    Kurosawa.
[09:41] Adachi
    If it's not too much trouble,
    could I stay at your place tonight?
[09:48] Kurosawa
    Sure.
[09:50] Adachi
    Kurosawa.  Kurosawa.  Kurosawa.
SIGN    Fantasies over a certain number of words are expressed as images
[09:59] Adachi/Id
    What was that?
[10:11] Kurosawa
    Come in. Have a seat over there somewhere.
[10:17] Adachi/Id
    His place is dripping
    with popular guy vibes.
[10:23] Adachi/Id
    I can't relax.
[10:29] Adachi
    This comic...
[10:34] Kurosawa
    I couldn't stop when
    I started reading yesterday.
[10:38] Kurosawa
    I sound like a kid, don't I?
[10:45] Adachi
    Same, though.
[10:46] Kurosawa
    What?
[10:47] Adachi
    I like this comic, too.
[10:50] Adachi
    You can't stop partway
    through the 12 Trials Arc.
[10:53] Kurosawa
    Right? The Trials Arc is my favorite, too.
[10:56] Kurosawa
    That trick is amazing, isn't it?
[10:59] Adachi/Id
    I'm surprised we have similar tastes.
[11:02] Kurosawa
    Oh, right. I drew a bath.
    Go ahead and take one.
[11:06] Kurosawa
    Here's a change of clothes.
[11:08] Adachi
    Thanks.
[11:10] Adachi/Id
    He's so nice.
[11:11] Kurosawa/Id
    I can't believe the pajamas
    I bought so I could fantasize
[11:14] Kurosawa/Id
    about how cute Adachi would look
    in them would come in handy.
[11:21] Adachi/Id
    I really don't want to wear those pajamas!
[11:24] Adachi
    I can't shake these chills
    even though I'm in the bath...
[11:30] Adachi/Id
    They're the perfect size.
[11:32] Adachi/Id
    I feel like he put all kinds
    of thought into these.
[11:36] Adachi
    Thanks for letting me take the first bath.
[11:38] Kurosawa
    I've got beer. Do you want some?
[11:41] Adachi/Id
    Why's he trying to get me drunk?
[11:43] Adachi
    I'll have some water.
[11:46] Kurosawa
    I'm going to take a bath, too.
[11:49] Adachi
    Sure.
[11:50] Kurosawa
    I laid out a futon for you.
[11:52] Adachi
    Thanks.
[11:53] Kurosawa
    Feel free to go to sleep if you're tired.
[12:05] Adachi/Id
    Would this have been simpler
    if one of us were a woman?
[12:13] Adachi/Id
    Because I have zero romantic
    experience in my 30 years of life,
[12:19] Adachi/Id
    I still don't know what to do, even
    though I know what he's thinking.
[12:34] Kurosawa
    He's already asleep.
[12:36] Adachi/Id
    I'm pretending to sleep because 
    I don't know how to face you.
[12:44] Adachi/Id
    Huh? What?
[12:46] Adachi/Id
    Why is he coming over here?
[12:49] Adachi/Id
    So close!
[13:04] Adachi/Id
    He's so close.
[13:07] Adachi/Id
    Crap. I'm terrified because
    I don't know what Kurosawa will do.
[13:14] Adachi/Id
    I know. I can use my power if I touch him.
[13:29] Adachi/Id
    I nearly had a heart attack!
[13:33] Adachi/Id
    He just came to get his phone.
[13:39] Adachi/Id
    Kurosawa likes me, right?
[13:43] Adachi/Id
    So why didn't he make a move?
[13:52] Adachi/Id
    That makes it sound like 
    I was hoping he'd try something!
[13:55] Adachi
    I really don't!
[13:59] Adachi
    There's too much going on. My head's a mess.
[14:04] Adachi/Id
    This is too much to handle
    for a virgin like me.
[14:24] Kurosawa
    Crap.
[14:27] Both
    I can't sleep.
[14:40] Adachi
    Something smells good.
[14:42] Kurosawa
    Good morning.
[14:44] Adachi
    Good morning.
[14:46] Kurosawa
    Want some breakfast?
[14:49] Adachi
    Yeah.
[14:54] Both
    Thanks for the meal.
[14:58] Adachi
    It's so good.
[15:01] Adachi
    This is amazing, Kurosawa.
[15:03] Adachi
    You made a proper meal
    first thing in the morning.
[15:06] Adachi
    I don't cook at all.
[15:09] Kurosawa
    Want to come over to eat
    every morning, then?
[15:11] Adachi
    What?!
[15:14] Adachi
    Oh, I couldn't...
[15:18] Adachi/Id
    It's so good that I
    considered it for a second.
[15:23] Adachi/Id
    His omelet is restaurant-quality.
[15:32] Adachi/Id
    I'll keep my distance for a while!
[15:36] Adachi/Id
    Kurosawa's love is too much for me
    and my zero romantic experience.
[15:45] Director
    Hey, Adachi!
[15:45] Adachi/Id
    So sleepy.
[15:47] Adachi
    Sir.
[15:48] Director
    Why are you slacking? It's still morning.
[15:51] Adachi
    S-Sorry.
[15:53] Adachi/Id
    This only happened because you
    asked me to work overtime!
[15:58] Director
    By the way, those documents
    I asked for yesterday look great.
[16:01] Director
    Did you work on them by yourself?
[16:03] Adachi
    Actually, Kurosawa helped me.
[16:06] Director
    What? You should've said so sooner!
[16:10] Director
    Hey, Kurosawa-kun!
[16:11] Adachi/Id
    I'm trying to keep my distance!
[16:14] Kurosawa
    Yes?
[16:16] Director
    Sorry you had to help Adachi yesterday.
[16:20] Kurosawa
    Not at all. He handled most of it.
[16:23] Kurosawa
    I just helped him a little.
[16:26] Adachi/Id
    Kurosawa...
[16:29] Director
    Kurosawa-kun, you know
    how to be modest, too.
[16:32] Director
    Did you thank him yet?
[16:35] Kurosawa
    He will soon.
[16:37] Adachi/Id
    Wait, don't mention that!
[16:39] Director
    I know. There's a tasty
    Korean barbecue place nearby.
[16:43] Kurosawa
    Is there?
[16:44] Adachi/Id
    Hang on! I don't like where this is going!
SIGN    Toyotamaru Coupon
SIGN    Toyotamaru Coupon
SIGN    Korean BBQ Toyotamaru
SIGN    Toyotamaru Coupon
SIGN    Korean BBQ Toyotamaru
SIGN    Toyotamaru Coupon
SIGN    Korean BBQ Toyotamaru
[16:48] Director
    The two of you should go
    together. I've got a coupon.
[16:52] Adachi/Id
    Don't set us up!
[16:54] Director
    I hope you'll continue to lend him a hand.
[16:57] Director
    Try to get along, boys.
[16:58] Both/Id
    Seriously?
[17:00] Both/Id
    The director is...
[17:02] Adachi/Id
    Such a pest.
[17:02] Kurosawa/Id
    My Cupid.
[17:09] Adachi/Id
    I couldn't say no. I'm such an idiot.
[17:13] Adachi/Id
    I meant to keep my distance
    for a while, but...
[17:17] Both
    So good!
[17:20] Adachi
    Oh, wow. It melted in my mouth.
[17:23] Kurosawa
    Yeah.
[17:39] Adachi
    What?
[17:40] Kurosawa
    I was just thinking you really look
    like you're enjoying your food.
[17:45] Adachi
    Do I?
[17:46] Kurosawa
    When you stuff your cheeks full
    of food, you look really... cool.
[17:52] Adachi/Id
    Why'd he pause just now?
[17:54] Kurosawa/Id
    Crap! I nearly called him cute.
[18:01] Kurosawa
    You make the food taste better
    than normal for me, too.
[18:06] Adachi
    I mean, it's good meat.
[18:11] Kurosawa
    You've got that right.
[18:14] Kurosawa
    Why don't we share some
    cold noodles and bibimbap?
[18:16] Adachi
    Sounds good.
[18:18] Kurosawa
    Excuse me!
[18:19] Adachi/Id
    This is actually kinda fun.
[18:23] Adachi/Id
    Kurosawa seems to be having fun, too.
[18:25] Adachi/Id
    This is pretty fun.
[18:30] Adachi
    Thanks for the meal.
[18:31] Employee
    Here's your bill.
[18:34] Adachi
    We'd like to pay with this.
[18:35] Employee
    Yes, sir.
[18:37] Employee
    Hmm? My apologies, but this is expired.
[18:42] Adachi
    What?!
[18:43] Adachi/Id
    Damn the director!
[18:46] Adachi/Id
    I don't have enough.
[18:47] Kurosawa
    We really can't use the coupon?
    Do you have enough?
[18:51] Adachi
    Uh, yeah...
[18:57] Kurosawa
    I'll pay by card.
[18:58] Employee
    Yes, sir.
[18:59] Adachi
    What? But I'm supposed to be thanking you.
[19:01] Adachi
    Let's split the bill, at least!
[19:03] Kurosawa
    It's fine.
[19:06] Kurosawa
    You can treat me next payday.
[19:11] Adachi/Id
    Kurosawa seems to like me,
    but he never tries to make a move.
[19:15] Employee
    Please sign here.
[19:17] Kurosawa
    Okay.
[19:17] Adachi/Id
    If he helps me with my job
    and is simply kind to me,
[19:22] Employee
    Thank you.
[19:23] Adachi/Id
    then maybe things are fine the way they are.
[19:27] Adachi/Id
    He's a really good friend.
[19:31] Adachi/Id
    I have fun spending time with him, too.
[19:34] Kurosawa
    I got candies.
[19:35] Adachi
    Thanks.
[19:37] Kurosawa/Id
    This is like a dream.
[19:41] Kurosawa/Id
    Now I have an excuse to go out
    to eat with Adachi again.
[19:45] Kurosawa/Id
    I'm really lucky.
[19:48] Kurosawa/Id
    I love him so much. I'm so happy.
[19:51] Kurosawa/Id
    I don't want to go home tonight.
[19:54] Kurosawa/Id
    I don't want him to leave.
[20:01] Adachi
    Sorry.
[20:02] Kurosawa
    What?
[20:04] Adachi
    Sorry, Kurosawa.
[20:06] Adachi/Id
    I'm the worst.
[20:10] Adachi
    I'm really sorry.
[20:11] Kurosawa
    What's gotten into you, Adachi?
    Are you drunk?
[20:16] Adachi/Id
    I'm the worst. That was a really
    unfair train of thought I had.
[20:23] Adachi/Id
    It's not like I can reciprocate
    Kurosawa's feelings.
[20:28] Adachi
    Sorry. Can we stop by a convenience store?
[20:35] Adachi
    Here.
[20:37] Kurosawa
    What?
[20:38] Adachi
    I can't let you pay when
    I'm supposed to be thanking you.
[20:42] Kurosawa
    You don't need to worry about it, really—
[20:44] Aadchi
    Thanks for helping me with work
    and letting me stay at your place.
[20:49] Adachi
    But I can't keep imposing on you.
[20:59] Adachi
    In any case, I'm sorry!
[21:11] Adachi/Id
    What should I do?
[21:14] Adachi/Id
    I have no idea what I should have done.
[21:19] Adachi/Id
    I've never seen Kurosawa
    make that face before.
[21:28] Adachi/Id
    What should I do?
SIGN    Incoming Call
SIGN    Adachi
[23:14] Tsuge
    Why are you calling at this hour?
[23:18] Tsuge
    That's fine.
[23:20] Tsuge
    After all, I understand you
    better than anyone else.
[23:25] Kurosawa
    He's so cute. He's so nice.
    He's so diligent. He's working so hard.
[23:29] Adachi
    I haven't been complimented much in
    30 years, so I still don't know what to do.
[23:30] Kurosawa
    I love him so, so, so...
SIGN    Next Time
SIGN    Episode 2
[23:35] Adachi
    Next time: Episode 2.
[23:38] Kurosawa
    I love him so much!