# E5 - Nearly All Handsome Guys are Scumbags
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/watch/GVWU0WQ49/nearly-all-handsome-guys-are-scumbags)
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:05] ---**
*So, this is the convent where it happened.*
**[00:08] ---**
Yes.
**[00:15] ---**
*Jess...*
**[00:24] ---**
*That guy... is the one I saw that day!*
**[00:27] ---**
*I thought he had a keen interest in you!*
**[00:30] ---**
*He wouldn't be a Yethma hunter, would he?*
**[00:32] ---**
Um—
**[01:13] ---**
*He looks like trouble.*
**[02:51] ---**
Mister Pig, what should we do?
**[02:53] ---**
*Even if the three of us tried to take him on,
we wouldn't stand a chance. For now, let's ju—*
**[03:00] ---**
Mister Naut...
**[03:01] ---**
Good afternoon.
**[03:02] ---**
*Huh?*
**[03:03] ---**
*Um, we don't need to worry
about Mister Naut.*
**[03:06] ---**
*What, you know him?*
**[03:07] ---**
*Isn't he a Yethma hunter?*
**[03:09] ---**
*No, he's not.*
**[03:10] ---**
*He's a very kind man.*
**[03:12] ---**
*Please believe me.*
**[03:13] ---**
*Oh, is that right? Very well, then!*
**[03:16] ---**
*Hold on a second, Jess!*
**[03:17] ---**
*It's too soon to trust him!*
**[03:19] ---**
Hey, Ceres...
**[03:21] ---**
That one's a Yethma
heading for the royal capital, right?
**[03:23] ---**
Did you bring them here
for some sightseeing?
**[03:26] ---**
Uh, no.
**[03:27] ---**
I wouldn't say sightseeing.
**[03:29] ---**
I'd like to lay some flowers here.
**[03:36] ---**
Is that your idea of paying your respects?
**[03:38] ---**
That's all well and good, but...
**[03:40] ---**
that scarf... is a dead giveaway
that you're hiding your collar.
**[03:43] ---**
Take it off.
**[03:45] ---**
Put this one on.
**[03:47] ---**
From afar, you can't tell it apart
from your skin.
**[03:50] ---**
But... if someone sees it close-up,
wouldn't that give me away on the spot?
**[03:56] ---**
The point is that no one would be able
to tell at a glance from afar.
**[03:59] ---**
It's not for your sake.
**[04:01] ---**
I'm telling you all this
because you could put Ceres in danger.
**[04:04] ---**
Just do as I say
and put this one on instead.
**[04:06] ---**
All right.
**[04:07] ---**
*Don't let your guard down, Jess!*
**[04:25] ---**
*What are you, an adolescent?*
**[04:27] ---**
*Jeez!*
**[04:28] ---**
*Falling madly in love
with a girl you just met...*
**[04:32] ---**
*Oh well...*
**[04:33] ---**
*but at least he doesn't
seem all that dangerous.*
**[04:36] ---**
*I'm going to keep my true identity
a secret for now.*
**[04:39] ---**
*The second you're in harm's way,
I'll let him know.*
**[04:43] ---**
*What do you say?*
**[04:44] ---**
*Understood.*
**[04:46] ---**
*Will you help us out, too, Cutie-pie Ceres?*
**[04:49] ---**
*Cutie-pie?*
**[04:51] ---**
*Once I get the feeling that I can trust him,
I'll let him know who I am right away.*
**[04:54] ---**
*So, until then, Ceres, could you treat me
like I'm just a random pig?*
**[04:58] ---**
*If you put it that way...*
**[05:00] ---**
*then yes, understood.*
**[05:09] ---**
This should do it.
**[05:12] ---**
Thank you very much.
**[05:14] ---**
By the way...
**[05:16] ---**
I still don't know your name.
**[05:17] ---**
I'm Jess.
**[05:19] ---**
Nice to meet you.
**[05:21] ---**
Um...
**[05:23] ---**
Are we allowed to go inside?
**[05:24] ---**
Look what kind of shape it's in.
**[05:27] ---**
Feel free to go in.
**[05:28] ---**
Thank you very much!
**[06:22] ---**
Did that set your mind at ease?
**[06:25] ---**
Then...
**[06:26] ---**
Excuse me!
**[06:28] ---**
I was told that there's a spring
somewhere in this area.
**[06:31] ---**
What, going swimming?
**[06:33] ---**
*Just what do you have in mind?
Are you some kind of scumbag?*
**[06:37] ---**
No.
**[06:38] ---**
I thought I'd wash Mister Pig.
**[06:41] ---**
It's nearby. Come on.
**[06:52] ---**
*Ah!*
**[06:54] ---**
*Ah!*
**[06:56] ---**
*Ah! Thanks!*
**[06:59] ---**
*It's my thanks to you.*
**[07:00] ---**
*You kept on walking
the whole time I was asleep.*
**[07:04] ---**
*Hey, it's a two-way street.*
**[07:06] ---**
*I had no choice but to transport you
because I had to flee.*
**[07:11] ---**
*But that wasn't the case with you.*
**[07:14] ---**
*You did it so that I could sleep—*
**[07:16] ---**
*You're wrong about that.*
**[07:17] ---**
*Am I, really?*
**[07:19] ---**
*I did it out of my desire
to be straddled by those soft thighs of yours.*
**[07:24] ---**
*Okay, let's leave it at that, then.*
**[07:27] ---**
*Oink!*
**[07:33] ---**
*He's wearing his heart on his sleeve.*
**[07:47] ---**
Can I get two beers?
**[07:53] ---**
Excuse me...
**[07:54] ---**
I...
**[07:55] ---**
Don't worry about money.
**[07:57] ---**
I'll pay.
**[07:59] ---**
Thank you very much.
**[08:01] ---**
But...
**[08:02] ---**
won't that get you in trouble with Ceres?
**[08:04] ---**
Why would I get in trouble with her?
**[08:06] ---**
Well, well, Naut!
**[08:08] ---**
I didn't know you were here!
**[08:10] ---**
Hey Grams, long time no see!
**[08:11] ---**
How's the hunting going?
**[08:13] ---**
Did it go well?
**[08:14] ---**
It's going great.
**[08:16] ---**
I'm sure I can deliver you
some bear meat tomorrow.
**[08:19] ---**
Is that right? That's our Naut!
**[08:22] ---**
I'll make a stew
and serve it to you on the house!
**[08:24] ---**
I can't wait.
**[08:26] ---**
Then, do you think Jess can have
some of that stew, too, Grams?
**[08:30] ---**
You know as well as I do.
**[08:31] ---**
I can't keep a Yethma on her way
to the royal capital here for long.
**[08:36] ---**
I'm sorry...
**[08:37] ---**
but I'm going to have Jess
leave tomorrow morning.
**[08:40] ---**
You're fine with that, aren't you?
**[08:41] ---**
Yes.
**[08:42] ---**
I'll be leaving for the royal capital
tomorrow morning.
**[08:46] ---**
Naut, try to confine your hunting to beasts.
**[08:49] ---**
It's no secret to me...
**[08:52] ---**
what you have in mind, you know.
**[08:54] ---**
After all, she does look a little like her.
**[08:57] ---**
I thought the same
when I first met her myself.
**[09:00] ---**
Oh, shut up.
**[09:01] ---**
Just leave me alone.
**[09:04] ---**
Thank you for waiting.
**[09:07] ---**
Uh... Um...
**[09:09] ---**
I...
**[09:10] ---**
have never had alcohol before.
**[09:12] ---**
They've got good beer here.
**[09:13] ---**
If you don't like it, I'll drink it.
**[09:15] ---**
Just try tasting it.
**[09:19] ---**
Well then, if you insist.
**[09:25] ---**
I-It's delicious!
**[09:30] ---**
Why did you kill that heckripon, Mister Naut?
**[09:34] ---**
Heckripons... are creatures
that I've decided to kill on sight.
**[09:38] ---**
They only bring misfortune.
**[09:40] ---**
Although it's only been in the last few years
that people started saying that.
**[09:45] ---**
*Hey, thanks!*
**[09:46] ---**
*Sure, no problem.*
**[09:49] ---**
Hey, Jess...
**[09:50] ---**
Is that pig your pet?
**[09:52] ---**
Um...
**[09:54] ---**
He's my friend!
**[09:56] ---**
I see.
**[09:57] ---**
You take really great care of him.
**[09:59] ---**
Have you been caring for him for a long time?
**[10:02] ---**
No, not really a long time, but...
**[10:06] ---**
Mister Pig is who I'm sharing my destiny with.
**[10:10] ---**
Destiny?
**[10:12] ---**
*That's right.*
**[10:13] ---**
*I'm Jess's partner.*
**[10:15] ---**
*You could even say we're bound
by a common destiny.*
**[10:17] ---**
*So, I need to concentrate
on fulfilling that role.*
**[10:21] ---**
*It wouldn't do to meddle.*
**[10:23] ---**
Well, I'm sure those things happen.
**[10:26] ---**
Among you Yethmas.
**[10:40] ---**
*Hey, Jess, are you okay?*
**[10:43] ---**
*Oh, I'm fine!*
**[10:44] ---**
*I feel so good!*
**[10:46] ---**
*That's not what I mean!*
**[10:47] ---**
*That man is taking you—*
**[10:48] ---**
*No need to worry.*
**[10:50] ---**
*Mister Naut would never assault me.*
**[10:54] ---**
*Really?*
**[11:05] ---**
Jess...
**[11:07] ---**
Could you come with me?
**[11:12] ---**
Are you asleep?
**[11:13] ---**
What?
**[11:15] ---**
Um...
**[11:16] ---**
I'm not asleep.
**[11:18] ---**
*Hey you, don't you get any funny ideas!*
**[11:30] ---**
*Hey!*
**[11:33] ---**
*Oink!*
**[11:38] ---**
*Hey, Jess!*
**[11:40] ---**
Let me...
**[11:43] ---**
put my head on your chest.
**[11:51] ---**
*I guess I'll hurl my whole body through it!*
**[11:54] ---**
*Nope, nope, nope, nope!*
**[11:56] ---**
*"Mister Naut would never assault me."*
**[11:58] ---**
*Jess clearly said that!*
**[12:00] ---**
*In that case, I'm...*
**[12:02] ---**
*just gonna trust...*
**[12:04] ---**
*Jess.*
**[12:24] ---**
I'm a bad girl after all.
**[12:27] ---**
I don't even have the right to do this.
**[12:31] ---**
I'm...
**[12:34] ---**
a bad Yethma.
**[12:36] ---**
Nearly All Handsome Guys are Scumbags
**[13:01] ---**
*No sign that anything's been done to her.*
**[13:07] ---**
*Who's there?*
**[13:08] ---**
*Mister Pig...*
**[13:09] ---**
*Ceres?*
**[13:10] ---**
*What are you doing here at this hour?*
**[13:15] ---**
*So, what was it
you wanted to consult me about?*
**[13:18] ---**
I want you to tell Mister Naut
who you really are first thing in the morning.
**[13:22] ---**
*Naut? Well, that shouldn't be a problem.*
**[13:25] ---**
*But do I need to make a point
of going to see him for that?*
**[13:28] ---**
Early tomorrow morning, Mister Naut
will come to see Miss Jess for sure.
**[13:33] ---**
*Come to see her? What for?*
**[13:35] ---**
What do you mean?
**[13:36] ---**
In order to...
**[13:38] ---**
Um...
**[13:39] ---**
*Hey, what's wrong?*
**[13:40] ---**
I'm sorry.
**[13:42] ---**
But... because Mister Naut...
**[13:45] ---**
Because he cares for Miss Jess...
**[13:52] ---**
*Oh, right.*
**[13:54] ---**
*That's right.*
**[13:55] ---**
*This little girl...*
**[13:57] ---**
I'm 13 now.
**[14:01] ---**
*Are you in love with Naut?*
**[14:02] ---**
I know!
**[14:04] ---**
As a Yethma...
**[14:06] ---**
as a child, I have no right to feel this way!
**[14:09] ---**
But...
**[14:11] ---**
But I don't want Mister Naut to go!
**[14:13] ---**
*What do you mean,
you don't want him to go?*
**[14:16] ---**
Mister Naut...
**[14:17] ---**
is planning to go to the
royal capital with Miss Jess!
**[14:20] ---**
*Huh?*
**[14:22] ---**
Mister Naut is planning
to become Miss Jess's chabirone!
**[14:27] ---**
*Chabirone?*
**[14:28] ---**
It's a tradition we have.
**[14:30] ---**
For a Yethma to reach the royal capital safely,
there's a condition she must meet.
**[14:34] ---**
And...
**[14:37] ---**
that's the presence
of a wise, brave companion.
**[14:39] ---**
A chabirone.
**[14:42] ---**
But... they say that...
**[14:44] ---**
chabirones always vanish
along with the Yethmas!
**[14:48] ---**
Forever.
**[14:51] ---**
*I get it.*
**[14:52] ---**
*You think Naut's planning
to become Jess's chabirone.*
**[14:58] ---**
That's why... you don't want Mister Naut
to become her chabirone, either, do you, Mister Pig?
**[15:02] ---**
After all, you—
**[15:03] ---**
*Hey!*
**[15:04] ---**
Because Mister Pig...
**[15:05] ---**
you're in love with Miss Jess!
**[15:13] ---**
*"Love" is such a loaded word, you know.*
**[15:16] ---**
*It's complicated for us grown-ups.*
**[15:19] ---**
*Martha said that you've been serving here
since about five years ago.*
**[15:25] ---**
*So, you've probably spent a long time
getting closer and closer to Naut, right?*
**[15:31] ---**
*I think that's great!*
**[15:32] ---**
*I think it's a wonderful thing
and a love that deserves to be fulfilled.*
**[15:37] ---**
Doesn't your love deserve
to be fulfilled, Mister Pig?
**[15:41] ---**
*No, it doesn't.*
**[15:42] ---**
Why is that?
**[15:43] ---**
*Jess and I have only just met.*
**[15:46] ---**
*She was kind to me...*
**[15:48] ---**
*so I spontaneously started
having feelings for her.*
**[15:50] ---**
*That's all there is to it.*
**[15:52] ---**
*As a lowly pig, it'd be too selfish
to want to make Jess mine.*
**[15:59] ---**
*Jess is kind to everyone.*
**[16:01] ---**
*She only opened up to Naut
because she's kind to everyone.*
**[16:05] ---**
*That kindness isn't something
that's only meant for me.*
**[16:10] ---**
*And that doesn't bother me
in the least anymore.*
**[16:13] ---**
*I haven't been a virgin
for 19 years for nothing.*
**[16:16] ---**
But Mister Pig...
**[16:18] ---**
you don't want Mister Naut
to be her chabirone, do you?
**[16:21] ---**
*Well...*
**[16:23] ---**
*but...*
**[16:25] ---**
*but I couldn't interfere with Jess's journey
just because of my own feelings.*
**[16:30] ---**
But...
**[16:33] ---**
*Don't worry.*
**[16:34] ---**
*I'm going to reveal who I am.*
**[16:37] ---**
Are you?
**[16:39] ---**
Thank you so much.
**[16:41] ---**
Um...
**[16:42] ---**
If you go through Miss Jess or me...
**[16:44] ---**
we can relay your words to Mister Naut.
**[16:48] ---**
*Is that another Yethma skill?*
**[16:50] ---**
Yes.
**[16:51] ---**
*I see.*
**[16:52] ---**
*Like a router?*
**[16:55] ---**
But...
**[16:57] ---**
no matter how many years I try...
**[17:00] ---**
I don't think I'll ever be
a match for Miss Jess.
**[17:03] ---**
Because not even a day
after she first met him, Miss Jess...
**[17:09] ---**
*I wouldn't say that!*
**[17:11] ---**
*You're a lovely girl, too, Ceres!*
**[17:13] ---**
*You're really charming...*
**[17:14] ---**
*and if I were a human,
I'd hold you tight in my arms!*
**[17:18] ---**
Do you like young girls, Mister Pig?
**[17:22] ---**
*Uh, that didn't come out right.*
**[17:23] ---**
*Pretend you didn't hear it.*
**[17:26] ---**
I know I'm no match for her...
**[17:29] ---**
because Miss Jess looks like her.
**[17:31] ---**
*Looks like her? Like who?*
**[17:35] ---**
Well...
**[17:38] ---**
*W-Wait!*
**[17:39] ---**
*Could it be the owner of that collar
hanging up on the wall?*
**[17:44] ---**
You're very perceptive,
aren't you, Mister Pig?
**[17:48] ---**
That's right.
**[17:49] ---**
Mister Naut was in love
with someone named Miss Eise...
**[17:53] ---**
who used to work at that inn.
**[17:56] ---**
Although that love was never fulfilled.
**[17:59] ---**
*Instead of going to the royal capital,
she was living in the convent in Baptsaze, right?*
**[18:06] ---**
After the convent caught fire...
**[18:09] ---**
Miss Eise was abducted
by the Yethma hunters and then killed.
**[18:14] ---**
Then, Mister Naut went
after the Yethma hunters...
**[18:16] ---**
and he got Miss Eise's collar back.
**[18:20] ---**
*By any chance...*
**[18:21] ---**
*did a bunch of heckripons
gather or something before that incident?*
**[18:25] ---**
*And that's why everyone in the village
treats them like bad omens...*
**[18:28] ---**
*and why Naut started
feeling the urge to kill them?*
**[18:31] ---**
I think you're right about that.
**[18:36] ---**
*Ceres, have you ever met Eise?*
**[18:39] ---**
No. I've only seen a picture.
**[18:42] ---**
Mister Naut wears a glass pendant
that has Miss Eise's image burned into it.
**[18:47] ---**
*Talk about obsessed.*
**[18:51] ---**
And...
**[18:52] ---**
Mister Naut used Miss Eise's bones
for part of the hilts of his twin swords.
**[18:57] ---**
As long as Mister Naut's grudge lasts...
**[19:00] ---**
those twin swords will be enveloped in flames,
and he'll continue to kill Yethma hunters.
**[19:06] ---**
That's why...
**[19:07] ---**
there's no room for me
to enter Mister Naut's heart.
**[19:15] ---**
*Hey, Ceres...*
**[19:16] ---**
Yes?
**[19:18] ---**
*Will you wait for us in the dining room
tomorrow morning, too?*
**[19:23] ---**
*I want you...*
**[19:24] ---**
*to help me convince him!*
**[19:26] ---**
Understood.
**[19:28] ---**
Of course I'll be happy to help.
**[19:33] ---**
Excuse me...
**[19:34] ---**
Mister Pig...
**[19:36] ---**
It's morning.
**[19:39] ---**
*Morning already, huh?*
**[19:41] ---**
About last night...
**[19:42] ---**
Um...
**[19:45] ---**
That was rude of me!
**[19:46] ---**
*What do you mean?*
**[19:48] ---**
Um...
**[19:50] ---**
After dinner, I came back to my room
and fell asleep just like that.
**[19:55] ---**
I think I left you on your own.
**[19:59] ---**
When you're being so kind
as to accompany me...
**[20:02] ---**
I'm so sorry!
**[20:03] ---**
*Don't worry.*
**[20:04] ---**
*You were tired, right?*
**[20:06] ---**
*That's understandable.*
**[20:07] ---**
You are angry, aren't you?
**[20:10] ---**
*Why would I be angry?*
**[20:13] ---**
*As long as you got some rest,
that's good enough for me.*
**[20:16] ---**
*How are you feeling?*
**[20:18] ---**
*Are you in any pain somewhere?*
**[20:20] ---**
I think I'm fine.
**[20:22] ---**
I feel really great!
**[20:25] ---**
*I see.*
**[20:26] ---**
*So, let's have breakfast and get going.*
**[20:51] ---**
Achoo!
**[20:56] ---**
Oh, good morning...
**[20:58] ---**
Mister Naut.
**[21:02] ---**
Hey, Jess...
**[21:04] ---**
I've been thinking.
**[21:06] ---**
And, uh...
**[21:09] ---**
See, I think I'll go with—
**[21:11] ---**
Excuse me!
**[21:13] ---**
Mister Naut...
**[21:14] ---**
I need to tell you something.
**[21:17] ---**
This pig...
**[21:18] ---**
is a human!
**[21:20] ---**
*Oh, Ceres, are you bad
at making deals or what?*
**[21:23] ---**
What about this pig?
**[21:25] ---**
This pig that's accompanying Miss Jess...
**[21:27] ---**
Inside, he's a human being!
**[21:30] ---**
*Please talk.*
**[21:31] ---**
*I'll relay it to him.*
**[21:33] ---**
*Uh...*
**[21:35] ---**
*Good morning.*
**[21:39] ---**
Was that you just now?
**[21:41] ---**
*Oh yes, it was this pig.*
**[21:44] ---**
It seems sketchy!
**[21:45] ---**
Let's see you jump!
**[21:48] ---**
*Well?*
**[21:49] ---**
*Now do you believe me?*
**[21:51] ---**
You... Since when have you—
**[21:53] ---**
*I've been watching you
ever since we met yesterday.*
**[21:56] ---**
*I saw you make Jess drink alcohol
and go into her room.*
**[22:02] ---**
- Why, you!
- Excuse me!
**[22:05] ---**
Miss Jess already has someone
to be her chabirone.
**[22:09] ---**
So...
**[22:12] ---**
*So, Naut...*
**[22:14] ---**
*as her chabirone,
I'd like to ask a favor of you.*
**[22:18] ---**
What is it?
**[22:21] ---**
*Would you mind coming with us
to the royal capital?*