2 - A Certain Bomb

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] Naka
    
[00:00] Naka
    
[00:01] [SONG] Sign 0003
    I haven't smelled tatami mats in a long time.
[00:02] Naka
    I haven't smelled tatami mats in a long time.
[00:16] Naka
    Huh?
[00:18] Naka
    Where am I?
[00:22] Naka
    What happened last night?
[00:25] (Flashback) Dazai
    Do you remember nothing at all
    from when you were transformed?
[00:28] (Flashback) Naka
    What are you talking about?
[00:31] (Flashback) Dazai
    But your right hand's still there.
[00:33] (Flashback) Naka
    Right hand?
[00:56] Naka
    It's been so long...
[00:58] Naka
    ...since I slept under a roof.
[01:03] Naka
    What?
[01:03] Naka
    What?!
[01:04] Naka
    What?!
[01:07] Naka
    Huh?
[01:07] Naka
    Um, uhh...
[01:09] Naka
    Okay, I'm taking the call.
[01:10] Naka
    I'll do it right now!
[01:11] Naka
    Right this second!
[01:11] Naka
    Which button am I supposed to push?
[01:12] Naka
    Um...
[01:12] Naka
    This one? C'mon, hurry up.
    Gosh, which one is it?
[01:15] Naka
    H-Hello?!
[01:16] Dazai
    Good morning!
[01:18] Naka
    Oh, Dazai-san.
[01:21] Dazai
    Today's another fine day.
[01:23] Dazai
    How's the new dorm?
[01:26] Naka
    Great, thank you.
[01:27] Naka
    Compared to sleeping outdoors, it's heavenly.
[01:31] Dazai
    That's good to hear.
[01:32] Dazai
    The change of clothes at your pillow
    is a gift from everyone at the agency.
[01:37] Naka
    Thank you so much for everything.
[01:40] Dazai
    By the way, Atsushi-kun,
[01:42] Dazai
    I apologize for asking
    this out of the blue...
[01:44] Dazai
    but there's been an emergency.
[01:47] Naka
    An emergency?
[01:49] Dazai
    Yes, there can be no delay.
[01:52] Dazai
    Please come to the specified
    location immediately.
[01:54] Dazai
    It's a crisis!
[01:56] Dazai
    Only you can help.
[01:57] Naka
    O-Okay, I understand.
[03:31] Dazai
    Are you ready, Atsushi-kun?
[03:34] Naka
    Yes.
[03:35] Dazai
    First, when you leave the room,
    make sure you close the door.
[03:38] Dazai
    Look behind you!
[03:40] Naka
    Behind me?
[03:47] Naka
    Um...
[03:49] Naka
    What's this about?
[03:51] Dazai
    What do you think?
[03:54] Naka
    Maybe I'm hallucinating this morning?
[03:55] Dazai
    Wrong!
[03:57] Naka
    Is it an enemy attack?
[04:00] Naka
    Did you get caught in a trap?
[04:02] Dazai
    I got in myself.
[04:04] Dazai
    Well, you see...
[04:05] Dazai
    I heard that there's a way to commit
    suicide by getting stuck in an oil drum,
SIGN    Diagram
SIGN    Securing the feet is the key.
[04:09] Dazai
    so I decided to give it a shot.
[04:11] Dazai
    But now that I have,
[04:14] Dazai
    I'm just suffering without
    being able to actually die.
[04:18] Dazai
    Not to mention, now that I've
    wedged myself this deep,
[04:20] Dazai
    I can't get out on my own.
[04:21] Dazai
    I think I might die.
[04:23] Naka
    I see...
[04:24] Naka
    But it's a way to commit suicide,
[04:26] Naka
    so you should be able to kill yourself
    if you stay that way, I think?
[04:30] Dazai
    I like suicide,
[04:32] Dazai
    but I don't like suffering or pain!
[04:34] Dazai
    Why would I?!
[04:35] Dazai
    Also, I only learned this after the fact,
[04:36] Naka
    I see.
[04:37] Dazai
    but it wasn't a suicide method...
[04:39] Dazai
    It was a torture method!
[04:40] Naka
    There.
[04:42] Naka
    My name is Nakajima Atsushi.
[04:47] Naka
    Just the other day,
[04:49] Naka
    I turned into a tiger and went on a blind rampage
    and this man, Dazai-san, helped me.
[05:05] Naka
    While Dazai-san is this kind of person,
[05:09] Naka
    those people with supernatural powers
[05:11] Naka
    all belonged to the Armed Detective Agency.
[05:13] (Flashback) Dazai
    Nakajima Atsushi!
[05:16] (Flashback) Dazai
    You'll become one of us.
[05:21] (Flashback) Dazai
    From this day forth, you'll be a
    member of the Armed Detective Agency.
[05:27] Dazai
    That was painful.
[05:29] Dazai
    I owe you one, Atsushi-kun.
[05:32] Dazai
    Without you, I would've
    snapped in two at the waist.
[05:37] Naka
    Didn't you ask your other coworkers for help?
[05:40] Dazai
    I called them, sure.
[05:42] Dazai
    I told them I was on death's door.
[05:44] Dazai
    But then everyone was all
    like, "Congratulations."
[05:49] Dazai
    How's that make you feel?
[05:50] Naka
    I'm not surprised.
[05:53] Dazai
    Jeez.
[05:55] Dazai
    Anyone gifted with supernatural powers
    has something wrong with them inside...
[06:00] Naka
    Gifted, huh?
[06:05] Naka
    Dazai-san.
[06:07] Naka
    Everyone at the Armed Detective Agency...
    the private investigators, that is...
[06:12] Naka
    They're gifted, right?
[06:15] Dazai
    Right, they're an armed force
[06:17] Dazai
    taking on antagonists the police
    don't stand a chance against.
[06:20] Naka
    I don't stand a chance at
    joining the agency, then.
[06:23] Dazai
    You're gifted just fine.
[06:26] Naka
    It's true that I have the supernatural
    ability to turn into a tiger,
[06:31] Naka
    but I have absolutely no control over it.
[06:35] Naka
    I just transform unaware.
[06:38] Naka
    I can't will myself to
    transform into a tiger.
[06:42] Naka
    So I don't think I'll be
    of any use, even if I join.
[06:47] Naka
    I really appreciate the offer, though.
[06:49] Naka
    I'm sorry.
[06:51] Dazai
    What's your plan, then?
[06:53] Naka
    I think I'll look for a job
    I can actually handle,
[06:57] Naka
    though I don't think it'll be easy to find.
[07:01] Dazai
    I have an idea for a potential job.
[07:06] Dazai
    I can help you get it, if you'd like.
[07:08] Naka
    Really?
SIGN    Episode 2: A Certain Bomb
[07:11] Naka
    Thank you so much!
[07:13] Dazai
    We're going to meet the guarantor
    who'll introduce you to the job.
[07:19] Dazai
    I'm sure he'll like you.
[07:22] Naka
    What's the job?
[07:23] Dazai
    No point spoiling the fun.
[07:26] Dazai
    Well, there may be a test of sorts.
[07:28] Dazai
    Huh?
[07:28] Dazai
    A test?
[07:29] Dazai
    Atsushi-kun, can you write?
[07:32] Naka
    I do know how to read and write.
[07:34] Dazai
    Then you'll be fine.
[07:38] Dazai
    You'll be just fine, I'm sure.
[07:40] Dazai
    I guarantee it.
[07:42] Naka
    Thank you!
[07:45] Dazai
    You'd better thank me!
[07:46] Dazai
    Just leave it to me,
    and everything will be fine!
[07:50] Dazai
    After all, I am Dazai...
[07:52] Dazai
    The one and only whom the agency trusts
[07:55] Dazai
    and the populace adores!
[07:57] Kuni
    There you are, Dazai!
[08:00] Kuni
    You bandage-squandering machine!
[08:04] Dazai
    N-Nice nickname there, Kunikida-kun.
SIGN    Bandage-Squandering Machine?!
    That stung, just a little.
SIGN    
[08:09] Kuni
    Who's the one and only one
    the agency trusts, huh?
[08:12] Kuni
    You're the one and only one
[08:14] Kuni
    who we get complaints,
     curses, and grievances about!
[08:17] Naka
    Huh?
SIGN    Calls about complaints, curses... 
    and grievances?
[08:18] Dazai
    What?
[08:20] Dazai
    Since when did I ever get a complaint?!
SIGN    Ideal
[08:23] Kuni
    Call in August:
[08:25] Kuni
    "One of your employees has been
    caught in an offshore fishing net."
[08:29] Kuni
    "Can you come retrieve him?"
[08:31] Kuni
    Call in September:
[08:33] Kuni
    "Some weirdo's got himself
    buried on my farm."
[08:36] Kuni
    "Could he be one of yours?"
[08:38] Dazai
    Th-Th-Th-Th-Th...
[08:39] Kuni
    Call in the same month:
[08:41] Kuni
    "Pay your tab, okay?!"
[08:44] Kuni
    "All six months' worth!"
[08:46] Dazai
    That's impossible...
[08:47] Dazai
    Who knew you were so good at imitating
    other people, Kunikida-kun?!
[08:52] Dazai
    You bastard!
[08:54] Dazai
    Stop ridiculing me!
[08:55] Naka
    I wonder if it's actually a good idea
[08:59] Naka
    to have him help me find a job...
[09:01] Kuni
    Oh, right!
[09:03] Kuni
    I wasted a whole minute
    dealing with this idiot.
[09:08] Kuni
    Let's hurry to the agency!
[09:09] Dazai
    Why?
[09:10] Kuni
    We have an emergency!
[09:12] Kuni
    A bomber's taken a hostage and
    holed himself up in our office.
[09:16] Naka
    A bomber?
[09:21] Naka
    Um...
[09:22] Kuni
    What?
[09:24] Kuni
    The agency's on the fourth floor.
[09:26] Naka
    That's not what I wanted to ask.
[09:29] Dazai
    Let's take the stairs, just in case.
[09:32] Naka
    Excuse me...
[09:32] Kuni
    Quiet!
[09:34] Naka
    Oh, sorry.
[09:36] Dazai
    Let's go, Atsushi-kun.
[09:38] Naka
    What?
[09:39] Bomber
    I can't...
[09:41] Bomber
    I can't take it anymore...
[09:44] Bomber
    It's all your fault...
[09:46] Bomber
    The Armed Detective Agency's fault.
[09:49] Bomber
    Where's the president?
[09:52] Bomber
    Bring the president!
[09:54] Bomber
    If you don't...
[09:55] Bomber
    I'll blow everyone to kingdom come.
[09:58] Dazai
    A personal grudge?
[10:00] Dazai
    That's inconvenient.
[10:02] Kuni
    Yeah...
[10:03] Naka
    Why am I here?
[10:06] Kuni
    The bomber seems pretty
    furious at the agency.
[10:09] Naka
    I don't think I'll be of
    any use. May I go now?
[10:13] Dazai
    We do attract a lot of ill will.
[10:16] Naka
    You're ignoring me?
[10:18] Dazai
    Besides, that's a high explosive.
[10:21] Dazai
    If the bomber acts on his
    threat and detonates it,
[10:24] Dazai
    the whole floor's as good as gone.
[10:26] Naka
    Oh no...
[10:27] Dazai
    We may be able to mitigate the
    force of the explosion somewhat
[10:30] Dazai
    if we can find something to cover the bomb,
SIGN    Safety First
[10:35] Dazai
    but given the circumstances...
[10:37] Dazai
    I can't believe he took a woman
    as a hostage, the coward.
[10:41] Naka
    Who's the girl?
[10:42] Dazai
    She's Naomi-chan, a part-time
    office assistant.
[10:45] Naka
    A part-timer?!
[10:47] Naka
    Then she's a completely innocent bystander!
[10:51] Kuni
    What should we do?
[10:53] Dazai
    Why don't we let him see the president?
[10:55] Kuni
    He'll try to kill the president!
[10:57] Kuni
    We can't let the president walk
    into a situation like that!
[11:01] Kuni
    I'm glad he's out on a business trip.
[11:03] Dazai
    Then there's only one method...
[11:07] Naka
    Are they going to use their abilities?
[11:14] Naka
    Huh?
[11:18] Dazai
    Go, go.
[11:20] Dazai
    C'mon, go!
[11:21] Kuni
    Hey.
[11:23] Kuni
    Calm down, boy.
[11:25] Bomber
    Stay away!
[11:26] Bomber
    I only want to see the president!
[11:27] Bomber
    If you do anything funny, I'll blow this up!
[11:31] Kuni
    Okay.
[11:32] Bomber
    I know who you are. You're Kunikida!
[11:35] Bomber
    I bet you're trying to
    make me let my guard down
[11:38] Bomber
    and use that annoying ability of yours!
[11:40] Bomber
    Well, fat chance.
[11:43] Bomber
    Get up on the desk on all fours
[11:45] Bomber
    and keep both hands where I can see them!
[11:48] Bomber
    I-If you don't do as I say,
[11:51] Bomber
    I'm taking you all down with me!
[11:58] Dazai
    This isn't good.
[12:00] Dazai
    Because of his personal grudge against the agency,
[12:03] Dazai
    he's done his research on all
    the members' names and faces.
[12:06] Dazai
    If I go, it'll only provoke him.
[12:11] Dazai
    Hmm... What to do?
[12:15] Naka
    I just got a really bad feeling...
[12:20] Dazai
    A-tsu-shi-ku—
[12:22] Naka
    No.
[12:23] Dazai
    I haven't even said anything.
[12:25] Naka
    I already know what you're going to say.
[12:27] Dazai
    Listen, Atsushi-kun.
[12:29] Dazai
    You're the only one here who's not a formal
    member and who the bomber won't know.
[12:35] Naka
    But even if I were to go,
[12:38] Naka
    I wouldn't be able to do anything.
[12:40] Dazai
    It'll be fine.
[12:42] Dazai
    We just need you to distract
    him for a short while.
[12:46] Dazai
    We'll do the rest.
[12:49] Dazai
    Let me think...
[12:50] Dazai
    Knowing you, how about you
    put on an off-putting act
[12:55] Dazai
    as a worthless human being?
[12:57] Dazai
    Here are some props.
[13:02] Dazai
    Trust me.
[13:05] Dazai
    Scuffles on this scale
[13:07] Dazai
    are child's play to the Armed
    Detective Agency, Atsushi-kun.
[13:14] Dazai
    
[13:19] Naka
    S-S-S-Stop!
[13:22] Naka
    Wh-Wh-Wh-What could you possibly accomplish?
[13:25] Naka
    I... I bet this would make your parents sad!
[13:28] Bomber
    Who the hell are you?!
SIGN    S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S...
SIGN    Scary
[13:30] Naka
    Sorry!
[13:32] Bomber
    You're not with the agency.
[13:36] Naka
    A-A-As you can tell,
[13:38] Naka
    I'm just a newspaper delivery boy
     who happened to pass by!
[13:40] Bomber
    And what's a delivery boy
    got to do with any of this?
[13:43] Naka
    No matter how much you might hate them,
[13:45] Naka
    you shouldn't take hostages or blow up bombs.
[13:48] Naka
    I'm sure there's something to live for.
[13:50] Bomber
    Like what?
[13:51] Naka
    Huh?
SIGN    Wait a minute...
    Did you just start that thought 
    without thinking it through?
SIGN    
[13:52] Bomber
    What's something to live for?!
[13:57] Naka
    T...
[13:58] Bomber
    What?!
SIGN    S... S... Sure, that's true.
[13:58] Naka
    T... T... Tea on rice!
[14:02] Naka
    You can eat a lot of tea on rice!
[14:04] Naka
    You can sleep somewhere
    with a roof over your head!
[14:06] Naka
    When you go to sleep at night,
    you can wake up to a new day!
[14:08] Naka
    And every day is a new day!
[14:11] Naka
    But...
[14:14] Naka
    If you blow up, neither you
    nor I will see another new day...
[14:18] Naka
    because we'll be dead.
[14:20] Bomber
    I know that!
[14:21] Naka
    What?!
[14:23] Naka
    Um...
[14:25] Naka
    I think you should reconsider.
[14:28] Naka
    I mean, if you die...
[14:30] Naka
    You're really dead!
[14:32] Naka
    I'm sure you might wish
    you were dead sometimes,
[14:36] Naka
    but there are people who keep on
    living, even if the going's tough.
[14:38] Naka
    Oh, people like me!
[14:41] Naka
    I have no family and no friends.
[14:43] Naka
    I even got chased out of an orphanage,
[14:45] Naka
    and I have nowhere to go,
[14:46] Naka
    and no hope for the future...
[14:48] Naka
    Besides, I even turn into a tiger.
[14:51] Naka
    Yeah, that's right!
[14:53] Naka
    It's true that, like you say,
[14:55] Naka
    I lack redeeming qualities,
[14:56] Naka
    and everyone'd agree that
    I'm the scum of society.
[14:59] Naka
    But I still manage keep on living
    without going all postal about it!
[15:02] Dazai
    Good job, Atsushi-kun.
[15:04] Dazai
    You have acting like a worthless
    human being down to an art form.
[15:08] Naka
    So why don't you toss that bomb aside,
[15:11] Naka
    and we can look for jobs together?
[15:12] Naka
    Okay?
SIGN    You already forgot you're pretending
     to deliver newspapers?
[15:13] Bomber
    N-No, I'm not exactly looking for one...
[15:17] Dazai
    Now, Kunikida-kun.
[15:18] Kuni
    I know!
[15:19] Kuni
    Ability:
[15:20] Sign 1522
    Doppo Poet
[15:21] Kuni
    Doppo Poet...
[15:24] Kuni
    Wire Gun!
SIGN    Wire Gun
[15:31] Bomber
    Crap...
[15:34] Dazai
    Get him, Kunikida-kun!
[15:36] Kuni
    Like I already said, I know!
[15:40] Dazai
    One down!
[15:42] Dazai
    All right. Good job, everyone.
[15:49] Kuni
    "One down," you say?
[15:53] Kuni
    "Now!"? "Secure him!"?
[15:57] Kuni
    You're all talk and no action!
[15:59] Dazai
    What choice was there?
[16:01] Dazai
    You lost at rock-paper-scissors,
    Kunikida-kun.
[16:06] Kuni
    You bastard...
[16:07] Dazai
    Well, all's well that ends well, isn't it?
[16:10] Dazai
    I've heard that if you're too neurotic,
[16:13] Dazai
    you'll get a lot of wrinkles
[16:15] Dazai
    and your aging becomes accelerated.
[16:19] Kuni
    Is that true?
[16:20] Dazai
    Go on, take notes.
[16:22] Kuni
    "If you're too neurotic...
[16:26] Kuni
    ...your aging becomes accelerated—"
[16:29] Dazai
    I'm messing with you.
[16:32] Kuni
    Bastard!
[16:33] Kuni
    Stop ridiculing me!
[16:37] Bomber
    All of you...
[16:39] Kuni
    Crap!
[16:40] Bomber
    Stop making fun of me!
[16:41] Bomber
    I swear, anyone gifted with supernatural powers
    has something wrong with them inside...
[16:51] Naka
    Thirty seconds left until detonation?!
[16:53] Kuni
    Hey, brat!
[16:53] Bomber
    No way!
[16:54] Naka
    Kunikida-san!
[16:56] Naka
    What should I do?
[16:59] (Flashback) Dazai
    We may be able to mitigate the
    force of the explosion somewhat
[17:03] (Flashback) Dazai
    if we can find something
    to cover the bomb...
[17:04] Naka
    Something to cover the bomb...
[17:07] Naka
    Something...
[17:08] Naka
    Anything?!
[17:16] Dazai
    Atsushi-kun!
[17:16] Dazai
    What?
[17:19] Naka
    Huh?
[17:20] Naka
    What am I doing?
[17:22] Dazai
    Idiot!
[17:23] Kuni
    Brat!
[17:39] Kuni
    Jeez...
[17:42] Kuni
    I figured he was stupid,
    but I didn't know how stupid.
[17:46] Dazai
    He has the talent to become a suicide maniac.
[17:49] Dazai
    Wouldn't you agree, Tanizaki-kun?
[17:52] Tani
    Sorry.
[17:54] Tani
    Are you okay?
[17:57] Naka
    Huh?
[17:58] Naomi
    Aw, brother!
[18:01] Naomi
    Are you all right?!
[18:03] Naka
    What?
SIGN    Tanizaki Junichirou 
    Ability: Light Snow
[18:05] Naomi
    You were so wonderful as a villain!
SIGN    His Younger Sister 
    Tanizaki Naomi
[18:08] Naomi
    I had the time of my life
    being tied up and threatened!
[18:14] Naomi
    Please continue where we
    left off, once we get home.
[18:18] Naka
    So the part-time person was
    in cahoots with everyone, too?
[18:21] Kuni
    Brat, you should blame Dazai.
[18:25] Kuni
    Barring that, blame yourself for choosing
    the wrong person to help you find a job!
[18:29] Naka
    Then is this the job...
[18:32] Dazai
    I told you there was a test involved.
[18:36] Naka
    As in, an entrance exam?
[18:38] Fuku
    That's right.
[18:40] Haruno
    The exam has been completed
    without much ado, president.
[18:43] Fuku
    I see.
[18:46] Naka
    President?
[18:49] Fuku
    Since Dazai said there
    was a capable young man,
SIGN    President of the 
    Armed Detective Agency
SIGN    Fukuzawa Yukichi 
    Ability: All Men 
    Are Created Equal
[18:54] Fuku
    I had him test your mettle.
[18:59] Dazai
    Well, I recommended you for hire,
[19:03] Dazai
    but since you've been designated
    a major threat by the ward,
[19:07] Dazai
    there was disagreement among us as
    to whether we should take you in.
[19:11] Fuku
    But Dazai said...
[19:15] (Flashback) Dazai
    President.
[19:17] (Flashback) Dazai
    Suppose the most gifted person
    in the world appeared before you,
[19:22] (Flashback) Dazai
    would you hire him?
[19:23] (Flashback) Fuku
    Power doesn't make you
    a member of the agency.
[19:29] (Flashback) Dazai
    That's why I recommend him.
[19:33] Kuni
    So, president... What is your decision?
[19:43] Fuku
    I'll let Dazai decide.
[19:45] Dazai
    You can trust me.
[19:47] Naka
    W-Wait a minute, Dazai-san.
[19:50] Naka
    So the job you meant to
    introduce me for was...
[19:53] Dazai
    You apparently passed the test.
[19:55] Dazai
    Welcome to the Armed Detective
    Agency, Nakajima Atsushi-kun.
[20:00] Naomi
    Congratulations!
[20:02] Tani
    I'm glad I was able to help.
[20:04] Naka
    Oh, please, no.
[20:06] Naka
    I can't possibly join a workplace
    as violent and reckless as this.
[20:09] Dazai
    Not just anyone would use their body
    to shield a bomb to save everyone.
[20:14] Naomi
    That's right. I was really impressed!
[20:18] Dazai
    You'll be fine.
[20:20] Naka
    But...
SIGN    Secretary 
    Haruno Kirako
[20:26] Haruno
    So, president, do you actually
    want him to join the agency, then?
[20:36] Haruno
    Oh, a tea leaf's standing straight up...
[20:39] Haruno
    I think something good
    will happen, president.
[20:46] Fuku
    Ouch.
[20:48] Dazai
    Still, well...
[20:51] Dazai
    If you still refuse, we can't force you.
[20:54] Dazai
    But then, I can't help but
    worry for your future.
[20:59] Dazai
    We'll need you to vacate the company dorm...
[21:03] Dazai
    You don't really have any specialized skills,
[21:06] Dazai
    nor do you have friends or know anyone...
[21:09] Dazai
    That'd make finding a job very difficult.
[21:11] Dazai
    Besides, you are a wanted tiger.
[21:16] Dazai
    Should anyone learn of that,
[21:17] Dazai
    at best you'd get fired from your job.
[21:19] Dazai
    At worst, you'd be captured and shot dead.
[21:22] Naka
    Sh-Shot dead?
[21:24] Dazai
    Now, if you were with this agency...
[21:26] Dazai
    it'd be a different story.
[21:28] Naka
    Th-Then that means...
[21:30] Naomi
    We look forward to working
    with you, Atsushi-san.
[21:33] Naomi
    Don't we, brother?
[21:35] Kuni
    Follow the rules, brat.
[21:38] Dazai
    Well, now that's been settled...
[21:40] Naka
    You've got to be kidding me.
[23:21] Higuchi
    The weretiger has been found.
SIGN    Episode 3: Yokohama Gangster Paradise