E1 - Sophist

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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:10] Aki
    Looking good.
[00:11] Aki
    Almost got him...
SIGN    Opponent has lost connection.
    Please remain on this screen until result is determined.
[00:16] Aki
    Damn it!
[00:17] Aki
    They always disconnect the
    minute I start dominating.
[00:20] Aki
    I'll never move up the
    leaderboard like this.
[00:22] Aki
    It might be time to stop playing this game.
SIGN    Konpeito
[00:36] Aki
    Time for school, I guess.
SIGN    A Day's Worth of Veggies
[00:59] Aki
    "Key"—perfect name for a latchkey kid.
[01:01] Aki
    Right?
[01:07] Aki
    I want to play a game.
[01:09] Aki
    A game to get immersed in, for however long.
[01:12] Aki
    A game to escape this reality of mine.
[01:15] A
    Say, isn't that Akira?
[01:17] A
    Wow. He's even gaming on the walk to school.
[01:20] A
    He's at it all day at school, too.
[01:23] A
    He never stops during classes or breaks.
[01:25] B
    But he's always top of the class
    on the standardized tests, right?
[01:29] Aki
    Getting good grades is easy.
[01:31] Aki
    Formulas, grammar, vocabulary...
[01:33] Aki
    They're just testing how
    much you can memorize.
[01:38] A
    Point is, he's a total weirdo!
[01:40] B
    Hush! He'll hear you!
[01:42] Aki
    I agree with her, honestly.
[01:45] Aki
    They say exams are a battlefield,
    but they're barely even a competition for me.
[01:49] Aki
    I can't engage with them at all.
[01:51] Aki
    Receive a variety of objectives,
[01:54] Aki
    then beat the enemies
    or clear the obstacles.
[01:56] Aki
    Games like that are the only
    things I can really engage with.
[02:01] Aki
    That's why I find my current
    reality so very bor—
[02:10] Driver
    What's your problem, asshole?!
[02:38] Aki
    He's only after me?
[02:41] Aki
    What's this guy's problem?
[02:42] Aki
    Should I call the police?
[02:44] Aki
    But I can't do that while I'm fleeing.
[02:45] Aki
    He'll catch me before I shake him off.
[02:48] Aki
    What do I do?
[02:49] Aki
    I need a counter-strategy.
[02:52] Aki
    A counter-strategy... almost like a game.
[02:56] Aki
    That's right.
[02:57] Aki
    The loss condition is, "He catches me."
[03:00] Aki
    And the win condition...
[03:02] Aki
    That's it.
[03:03] Aki
    If I treat it like a game,
    I'll know just what to do!
[03:07] Aki
    That building would give
    me the terrain advantage.
[03:19] Aki
    This building was abandoned
    in the middle of demolition.
[03:22] Aki
    It's been left to the elements, crumbling.
[03:24] Aki
    For a big brute like him...
[03:27] Aki
    It'll take time to make his way up.
[03:38] Aki
    He just jumped it?!
[03:39] Aki
    What a freak.
[03:41] Aki
    I'd better treat this
    scenario like survival horror.
[03:43] Aki
    I have to anticipate his next move.
[03:55] Aki
    Hey! Freak!
[04:14] Aki
    I did it!
[04:21] Aki
    He's still not down?!
[04:26] Aki
    He's coming?
[04:28] Aki
    With jumping power like his, he'll definitely—
[04:36] Aki
    attempt to jump his way up.
[04:44] Aki
    With sufficient planning and preparation,
[04:47] Aki
    any game can be beaten.
[04:49] Mion
    Congratulations to you, Akira Shiroyanagi!
[04:52] Mion
    Who'd have believed you'd beat
    my little pet and survive?
[04:59] Aki
    Who is this woman?
[05:01] Aki
    How long has she—
[05:03] Mion
    But I'm sorry to say...
[05:05] Mion
    Even though you worked so hard...
[05:08] Mion
    This is what they call...
[05:09] Mion
    An unwinnable fight.
[05:20] Aki
    I couldn't... anticipate...
[05:24] Mion
    What's that?
[05:25] Aki
    If it's an unwinnable fight...
[05:27] Aki
    That means... it's not over?
[05:31] Mion
    Yes.
[05:32] Mion
    The fun's just getting started,
    my sweet prince.
[05:37] Aki
    If the game's not over... then...
[05:40] Aki
    That's okay.
[05:41] Aki
    I'll win next time.
[05:45] Aki
    I want to play a game.
[05:47] Aki
    A game to escape this boring reality.
SIGN    Episode 1   "Sophist"
[07:41] Aki
    Where am I?
[07:43] Aki
    Handcuffs?
[07:45] Aki
    Wait, she shot m—
[07:47] Aki
    I'm fine?
[07:53] Mion
    Ladies and gentlemen!
[07:57] Mion
    Hi there!
[07:58] Mion
    It's a pleasure to meet you all!
[08:00] Mion
    I'll be serving as your navigator!
[08:03] Mion
    The beautiful magician, Mion!
[08:07] Aki
    It's her!
[08:08] Mion
    Let me start with my congratulations.
[08:11] Mion
    You've been chosen to serve as our
    project's esteemed focus group.
[08:15] Mion
    I will now explain how it works, with a
    few marvelous illusions along the way!
[08:19] Mion
    First!
[08:21] Mion
    Everyone here has already been
    removed from the national registry.
[08:26] Mion
    That's right! You're dead
    in the eyes of society!
[08:29] Yuu
    Dead?!
[08:30] Mion
    So it goes without saying that you
    have no rights and no freedom,
[08:34] Mion
    except what you're allowed
    by our rules and directives!
[08:39] Mion
    Second!
[08:40] Man
    Hey!
[08:42] Man
    Let's cut the bullshit already!
[08:45] Mion
    I do appreciate your kind assistance.
[08:58] Mion
    Behold!
[08:59] Mion
    That's my bullet-catching trick!
[09:03] Aki
    So she really can...
[09:06] Mion
    As you can see, I have the
    "turn your hand into a cannon" ability!
[09:10] Mion
    And if fact, you've all been
    gifted similar abilities!
[09:15] Mion
    In other words, you're our
    ability testing focus group!
[09:22] Mion
    We've taken everything from you
[09:24] Mion
    and given you a unique ability in exchange!
[09:27] Mion
    Please use it to its fullest to run the
    program we've arranged to completion!
[09:30] Mion
    But if we determine you useless
    for providing product feedback,
[09:33] Mion
    we'll have to ask you to leave!
[09:35] Mion
    So do take this seriously!
[09:38] Mion
    Now I'll explain the program's rules.
[09:41] Mion
    First, those cuffs you're wearing...
[09:43] Mion
    They both restrict your movement and
    prevent the use of your abilities.
[09:47] Mion
    When the red lights turn green,
[09:49] Mion
    it means they'll unlock in five seconds,
[09:51] Mion
    and you can use your abilities then.
[09:54] Mion
    You won't be penalized
    for any harm or death
[09:58] Mion
    your abilities inflict on
    other focus group members.
[10:01] Mion
    This concludes the program's rules.
[10:03] Mion
    Any questions? Anyone?
[10:06] Mion
    I'm under the impression
    you enjoy games like this.
[10:12] Mion
    Any questions from you?
[10:14] Mion
    Class Representative Ringo Tatara?
[10:17] Mion
    Won't you be the first with your hand up,
     the way you always are at school?
[10:22] Mion
    Madoka Kirisaki...
[10:24] Mion
    You're such a delinquent,
[10:25] Mion
    and this is a lot like a school lecture,
    so I guess you might be struggling.
[10:29] Mion
    I know absolutely everything,
    so don't be shy!
[10:33] Kuma
    I have a question, then.
[10:35] Mion
    Shin Kumagiri?
[10:37] Mion
    Ask away!
[10:38] Kuma
    Who are you people?
[10:40] Kuma
    What is this place?
[10:41] Kuma
    Why are you doing this?
[10:43] Mion
    I'm so happy you asked, but unfortunately...
[10:46] Mion
    None of those are questions I can answer!
[10:50] Kuma
    Then I'll ask one more.
[10:52] Kuma
    Why did you kill that man?
[10:54] Kuma
    With power like yours,
[10:55] Kuma
    you could have easily
    stopped him non-fatally.
[10:58] Mion
    I know all about you, too,
[11:01] Mion
    so I know that you're a really good person.
[11:04] Mion
    But I killed that man because 
    I'm a really bad person.
[11:07] Mion
    Does that answer your question?
[11:08] Kuma
    You—
[11:10] Rin
    It's thoroughly understandable.
[11:12] Rin
    We're all dead already anyway.
[11:15] Rin
    I'd bet you had that little magic
    show planned from the start...
[11:18] Rin
    To make a point.
[11:20] Mion
    My, you're a clever one.
[11:24] Mion
    Okay! Any other questions?
[11:28] Yuu
    Um... I have a question.
[11:30] Mion
    Yuuri Amagake!
[11:32] Mion
    Go right ahead!
[11:33] Yuu
    No one else is asking,
    so I guess I should...
[11:37] Yuu
    Why did you choose us?
[11:40] Yuu
    You seem to have learned all about us.
[11:43] Yuu
    What were the criteria?
[11:45] Mion
    What a great question!
[11:47] Mion
    But you'll find the answer 
    pretty disappointing...
[11:50] Mion
    We chose you...
[11:52] Mion
    entirely at random.
[11:55] Mion
    That should take a weight
    off your mind, right?
[11:57] Mion
    You basically won the lottery!
[11:58] Mion
    Think of it like a freak
    traffic accident that—
[12:01] Yang
    Miss Mion!
[12:02] Yang
    I think it's about time.
[12:04] Mion
    Oh, Yang...
[12:05] Mion
    Is it time already?
[12:07] Mion
    The Q&A is over, then.
[12:09] Yang
    The first program will be one-on-one.
[12:12] Yang
    A series of simple duels.
[12:14] Yang
    I'll lead you all to your rooms now.
[12:17] Yang
    You can take that time to learn
    and practice your abilities.
[12:23] Mion
    And one last reminder...
[12:27] Mion
    Consider how you should
    approach this very carefully.
SIGN    Absent
SIGN    Akira Shiroyanagi
SIGN    Present
[12:35] Aki
    This really is going like a game, I guess.
[12:42] Aki
    I'm curious about who these people
    are, what they're after,
SIGN    Konpeito
[12:45] Aki
    and various other things.
SIGN    This room contains a bed, a toilet,
    a refrigerator, objects your ability 
    applies to, ten sheets of paper,
    and pencils. One-on-one battles end
     through loss of consciousness, death, or
     admittance of defeat. Your ability is written
     on a separate sheet of paper (enclosed).
[12:48] Aki
    But the most important thing right now
SIGN    This room contains a bed, a toilet,
    a refrigerator, objects your ability 
    applies to, ten sheets of paper,
    and pencils. One-on-one battles end
     through loss of consciousness, death, or
     admittance of defeat. Your ability is written
     on a separate sheet of paper (enclosed).
[12:52] Aki
    is to find out my ability.
[12:56] Aki
    Receive your conditions and solve
    the subsequent puzzles you face.
[13:00] Aki
    The game's difficulty will vastly change
    based on the conditions presented.
SIGN    Your
SIGN    Your
[13:09] Aki
    What in the world?
[13:12] Mion
    Oh, Akira...
[13:14] Yang
    That same boy again?
[13:16] Mion
    Oh, yes...
[13:18] Mion
    He's my personal favorite.
[13:20] Aki
    What in the world is this ability?
[13:24] Aki
    How am I supposed to use it?
SIGN    Konpeito
[13:30] Aki
    Konpeito!
[13:38] Aki
    The sweetness! It stimulates the brain!
[13:41] Aki
    I guess they really do know me inside and out.
[13:47] Aki
    So much about this feels off...
[13:50] Aki
    That woman's actions, most of all.
[13:52] Aki
    Yes, it's almost like she...
SIGN    Time Until One-on-One 18:41:37
[13:56] Aki
    Wh-What was that?!
[13:58] Aki
    Someone testing their ability?
[14:02] Aki
    That vibration and sound...
[14:05] Aki
    What if someone with a powerful
    ability tries to kill me?
[14:09] Aki
    How could I use my ability to counter?
[14:12] Aki
    That's right...
SIGN    No penalty for  harm or death
[14:14] Aki
    The things she said...
    The rules laid out...
[14:16] Aki
    From the start...
[14:19] Aki
    She's been baiting us into killing each other.
[14:24] Aki
    An ability focus group? That's absurd.
[14:28] Aki
    But interesting.
[14:30] Aki
    Maybe I'll give it my best shot.
[14:34] Mion
    It's really coming together, Yang.
[14:36] Mion
    Such an excellent group.
[14:38] Mion
    They'll realize it soon, too...
[14:41] Mion
    How they should behave, when all
    they have is their ability.
[14:46] Mion
    Now, let's begin!
[14:49] Mion
    First program!
[14:50] Mion
    One-on-one!
[14:58] Kiri
    Heya.
[14:59] Kiri
    Surprised you too, huh?
[15:02] Kiri
    I just don't get it.
[15:04] Aki
    Is he my opponent?
[15:06] Kiri
    I always hated school.
[15:10] Aki
    It's him... the one who
    struggles with school stuff.
[15:12] Kiri
    But it is what it is.
[15:14] Kiri
    Just surrender the second
    the battle starts, kid.
[15:18] Kiri
    Got it?
[15:19] Kiri
    I'm gonna win anyway.
[15:21] Kiri
    That'll save me time and
    you a world of pain.
[15:25] Kiri
    My ability's just a little nasty, see.
[15:29] Aki
    I'd prefer to see it through, personally.
[15:32] Kiri
    You've got some backbone, at least.
[15:34] Ann
    The first program will now begin.
[15:37] Ann
    Matches can only be resolved
    through admission of defeat,
[15:40] Ann
    loss of consciousness, or death!
[15:42] Ann
    Please begin!
[15:45] Aki
    The cuffs are about to unlock.
[15:47] Aki
    Once they do, we can use our abilities.
[15:49] Aki
    Which means...
[15:51] Aki
    In five seconds, the battle begins.
[15:53] Kiri
    Well, don't say I didn't warn you.
[16:01] Kiri
    Let's go, freshman!
[16:03] Aki
    He turned the stick into a sword!
[16:46] Kiri
    What the—
[16:48] Kiri
    Sorry, kid! Can't fool me!
[16:52] Kiri
    Just knock it off already!
[16:55] Kiri
    You've got a nice bag of tricks,
[16:58] Kiri
    but it's all over now.
[17:02] Yang
    I wonder why he won't use his ability.
[17:06] Mion
    It's not time yet.
[17:08] Kiri
    What is that, a barricade?
[17:11] Kiri
    Maybe you didn't get a
    good fighting ability.
[17:15] Kiri
    None of us knows what
    happens when you lose.
[17:18] Kiri
    So I get how you feel,
    but just surrender already!
[17:25] Aki
    That's what I was waiting for.
[17:28] Kiri
    You're messing with me.
[17:30] Kiri
    It's over, kid.
[17:31] Kiri
    You've run out of tricks.
[17:34] Kiri
    Look, you got dragged into this, same as I did.
[17:37] Kiri
    I don't wanna make mincemeat
    out of you if I can help it.
[17:41] Aki
    That's not the reason I'm
    not using my ability.
[17:44] Aki
    It's the opposite, actually.
[17:47] Mion
    Looks like it's showtime!
[17:51] Kiri
    The opposite?
[17:52] Aki
    Yes.
[17:54] Aki
    I'm hesitant to use my ability
    because it's so dangerous.
[17:58] Kiri
    Hesitant because it's dangerous?
[18:00] Kiri
    Quit bluffing, man.
[18:02] Aki
    I'm not bluffing.
[18:04] Aki
    I think you remember it.
[18:06] Kiri
    Remember... what?
[18:10] Kiri
    If you won't surrender,
[18:12] Kiri
    I'll kill you before you can kill me!
[18:17] Aki
    The illusion...
[18:20] Aki
    My ability...
[18:25] Aki
    The "turn your hand into a cannon" ability!
[18:33] Aki
    Yes... I think you saw it, too.
[18:59] Kiri
    The "turn your hand into
    a cannon" ability...
[19:02] Kiri
    That is a nasty ability.
[19:07] Aki
    This is how my...
[19:10] Aki
    So the sword reverts to a stick
    when it leaves his hand?
[19:15] Aki
    I guess it's my turn now.
[19:17] Aki
    You've lost your weapon. You can't win.
[19:21] Aki
    Surrender.
[19:23] Aki
    I'll be forced to shoot you otherwise.
[19:25] Aki
    Well?
[19:31] Kiri
    You little brat...
[19:35] Kiri
    Fine.
[19:37] Kiri
    I lose.
[19:39] Ann
    The winner, Akira Shiroyanagi!
[19:47] Mion
    Like I said, he's worth watching!
[19:49] Yang
    Yes... he was impressive.
[19:52] Mion
    Did you see?
[19:53] Mion
    He used his ability so well!
[19:56] Yang
    But why did he wait so long to use it?
[20:00] Yang
    He could have used that cannon at the start.
[20:03] Mion
    Did he manage to convince you
    the cannon was his ability?
[20:08] Mion
    He created such an interesting illusion.
[20:10] Mion
    Akira said the cannon was his ability.
[20:14] Mion
    But it's not!
[20:15] Yang
    What? But I saw him use the cannon!
[20:19] Mion
    That was the illusion.
[20:21] Mion
    Akira made use...
[20:26] Mion
    of me.
SIGN    <<Sophist>>
    
    Mr. Akira Shiroyanagi
    
    Your ability is 
    "whatever the other person thinks your ability is."
[20:38] Mion
    Sophist. "Whatever the other person
    thinks your ability is."
[20:43] Mion
    He needs to arrange the right timing
    to voice the ability to his opponent,
[20:46] Mion
    and create an environment
    where they'll believe it.
[20:51] Mion
    "My ability is 'cannon.'"
[20:54] Mion
    He arranged the conditions
    and timed it just right
[20:57] Mion
    to make sure his words were believed.
[21:01] Mion
    You're all that I hoped,
[21:03] Mion
    my sweet prince.
[21:06] Aki
    I made it through that one.
[21:08] Aki
    But there's a lot about this
    ability I still need to test.
[21:13] Aki
    One's ability determines the
    game's content and difficulty.
[21:16] Aki
    That's the part that makes
    this ability interesting.
[21:19] Aki
    I'll start by doing as they wish,
[21:22] Aki
    playing through their
    program using my ability.
[21:25] Aki
    Then I'll make that cat woman
    regret ever giving it to me.
[21:31] Aki
    The game's just getting started.
SIGN    <<Sophist>>
    
    Mr. Akira Shiroyanagi
    
    Your ability is 
    "whatever the other person thinks your ability is."
SIGN    Mion and Yang's 
       Next Episode Preview
[23:10] Both
    Mion and Yang's Next Episode Preview!
[23:12] Yang
    Thanks so much for watching!
[23:14] Yang
    I'm Yang!
[23:14] Mion
    I'm Mion!
[23:15] Yang
    Did you enjoy our first episode of—
[23:18] Mion
    Ojamajo Mion!
[23:19] Yang
    N-No!
[23:20] Yang
    Of Battle Game in 5 Seconds!
[23:21] Yang
    Um, next episode is when our heroine's—
[23:23] Mion
    —training as Mion's magical
    apprentice begins!
[23:26] Mion
    Will Mion's training break her?!
[23:30] Yang
    Please ignore that!
[23:31] Yang
    What kind of training is that, anyway?
[23:33] Yang
    Miss Mion, please stop
    interrupting my preview—
[23:35] Mion
    We're running out of time! Hurry up, Yang!
[23:37] Yang
    We'll see you for episode 2!