Season 1

1 - Don’t Let Your Lucky Chance Get Away

Source: Crunchyroll
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[00:06] Chobo
    Happy...
[00:07] All
    ...New Year!
[00:10] Chobo
    I will now announce the members of
    Seiyu 11 that will represent Japan.
[00:15] Chobo
    First, the forwards...
[00:17] Chobo
    Sakura. Sakura Ayane.
[00:19] Chobo
    From Pyon Pyon United.
[00:22] Chobo
    Uchida Maaya.
[00:24] Chobo
    From Ai Mai Mi FC.
[00:26] Chobo
    Yukachin. Otsubo Yukachin.
[00:29] Chobo
    From Baum Munich.
[00:30] Lady
    You idiot.
[00:31] Lady
    I don't know much about anime,
[00:32] ---
    but don't you feel any guilt
    towards the viewers
[00:34] ---
    who are waiting for the actual series
    of Ai Mai Mi to start—
[00:36] Chobo
    Shut up! Your mouth looks like Mount Fuji!
[00:37] Nar
    Anyway, we're starting now.
SIGN    Choboraunyopomi Theater
SIGN    Ai Mai Mi
[01:07] girls
    Ai Mai Mi!
[01:12] mi
    Damn that Ai. She's drawing manga again.
[01:15] Mai
    I know! Let's use a heated iron
    bar to make her stop!
[01:18] Mi
    We did that the other day...
[01:19] Mi
    Well, I guess she's working hard, so we
    can treat her every once in a while.
[01:23] Nar
    And so...
[01:24] Mai
    Ai-chan!
[01:25] Mi
    Here, have some cake.
[01:28] Ai
    Where is this leading?!
[01:30] Mai
    Do your best.
[01:33] Ai
    It's so cold! Oh?
[01:35] Ai
    Mai?
[01:36] Ai
    Why are you so underdressed?
[01:38] Ai
    Hey, Mai, aren't you cold?
[01:39] Mai
    Oh, Ai-chan.
[01:40] Ai
    Jeez...
[01:42] Ai
    I'll lend you this, so wrap it around
    your stomach or something.
[01:45] Mai
    Thanks, Ai-chan.
[01:48] Ai
    Don't complain about a stomachache later.
[01:51] Ai
    Here, this is how you do it.
[01:53] Mai
    I see...
[01:55] Ai
    Make sure you wear a coat.
[01:57] Mai
    I don't own a coat.
[01:59] Ai
    Huh?
[02:00] Ai
    Mai, when's your birthday?
[02:03] Mai
    Huh? It's next week.
[02:05] Mai
    Ai-chan, are you...
[02:07] Ai
    I guess I have no choice.
    I'll buy you one as a gift.
[02:10] Mai
    Yay! Thanks, Ai-chan!
SIGN    Wants to save her allowance Wants to be kind to friends for an LCD tablet
[02:12] Mai
    You're definitely forcing
    yourself, but thank you!
SIGN    New Year's Sale
[02:25] Mai
    Ai-chan!
[02:27] Ai
    Hmm?
[02:27] Mai
    I'm going to treasure this coat forever!
[02:30] Ai
    You're overreacting.
[02:35] Ai
    Good grief.
[02:37] Ai
    Mai, from now on, make sure
    you dress for the weather.
[02:40] Ai
    Or rather, dress more sensibly
    when you leave the house...
[02:49] Ai
    Mi?
[02:50] Mi
    Oh... So you two were in that
    kind of a relationship.
[02:54] Ai
    It isn't like we were excluding
    you or anything.
[02:57] Mi
    The two of you together is so
    obscene, it makes me sick!
[02:59] Mi
    Do whatever you want!
[03:02] Nar
    And so, Mi-chan died.
[03:02] Ai
    Mi!
[03:04] Nar
    Sachie and Kanako.
SIGN    Sachie and Kanako
[03:05] Sach
    Kanako-chan! Please go into
    the hot springs with me!
[03:08] Kana
    Huh? Huh?! Wait, Sachie-chan.
[03:10] Nar
    Sachie is Kanako's friend.
SIGN    Next Episode Preview
[03:11] Tori
    Good evening! This is Torijiro!
[03:13] Tori
    Ai Mai Mi Season 3 has finally begun.
SIGN    These Sunday bests were designed by Chobo-sensei!
[03:15] Tori
    The director asked Nyopomi-sensei for
    ideas, in exchange for compensation.
[03:18] Tori
    But she told him, "I don't take
    compensation from friends.
[03:19] Tori
    However, I'd like to see you
    belly dance instead."
[03:22] Tori
    Will we actually ever see the
    director's belly dance?
SIGN    You're No Friend of Mine!
[03:24] Wan
    Next time: "You're No Friend of Mine!"
[03:27] Wan
    Look forward to it!

2 - Plan S

Source: Crunchyroll
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SIGN    Books
SIGN    New Year's Sale
[00:01] Lady
    Um, sir...
[00:03] Takahiro
    Don't make me repeat myself.
[00:05] Taka
    I said I can't buy these from you
    because you aren't a virgin.
[00:10] Taka
    If you understand, hurry and bring out
    a virgin, Satsuma Clan survivor.
[00:13] Lady
    Huh? Satsuma?
[00:13] Guy
    Sir! True, I am a Satsuma Clan descendant,
SIGN    Manager
[00:16] Guy
    but I won't sit here and tolerate
    being spoken to like that.
[00:19] Guy
    You leave me no choice.
[00:21] Lady
    Manager!
[00:22] Guy
    I transported him into a dolphin
    in a dolphin show.
[00:26] Guy
    Right around the time the show ends,
    he'll be turned into a virgin-lover...
[00:30] Lady
    Manager!
[00:32] Mi
    Mai, there's trouble!
[00:33] Mi
    He's back!
[00:34] [SONG] Sign
    Frog
[00:35] Mai
    He?
[00:35] Mi
    He's back! Takahiro's back!
SIGN    Choboraunyopomi Theater
[01:11] girls
    Ai Mai Mi!
[01:12] mai
    B-But isn't Takahiro-kun at the lab?
[01:15] Mi
    It may be that those guys
    plan to implement Plan S.
[01:18] Mai
    You mean the Plan S where everyone on the
    planet, except female virgins, is killed?!
[01:23] Mi
    Let's go kill him before he kills us!
[01:25] Mai
    Okay.
[01:26] Mi
    I'll go. Take care of the manga club for me.
[01:29] Mai
    Mi-chan...
[01:30] Mi
    Long time no see, Takahiro!
[01:35] Taka
    It has been a while, Mi.
[01:40] Mi
    He's so strong!
[01:45] Taka
    Thank goodness...
    You still taste like a virgin.
[01:48] Taka
    That makes me very happy, Mi.
[01:50] Mi
    Damn it.
[01:52] Taka
    You don't need to look so scary.
    We're friends, aren't we?
[01:57] Mi
    Yeah!
[01:57] Mi
    It's true that Mai, I, and you loved
    voice actors more than anyone,
[02:01] Mi
    and we all respected virgins.
[02:03] Mi
    But you respected them so much,
[02:05] ---
    you ended up disgusted with any
    girls who weren't virgins.
[02:08] Mi
    I'm not saying that you should like sluts.
[02:10] Mi
    But...
[02:11] Mi
    People who aren't virgins
    deserve to live, too!
[02:16] Taka
    I don't understand.
[02:17] ---
    I don't understand what you're saying, Mi...
[02:20] Mi
    It's fine if you don't understand.
[02:22] Mi
    You'll have plenty of time to
    reflect on your actions!
[02:25] Taka
    Hey, you're trying to trap
    me inside that, right?
[02:32] Mai
    You did it, Mi-chan.
[02:37] Mai
    No.
[02:39] Mi
    But I sealed you...
[02:41] Taka
    It's true... That would have
    worked on me in the past.
[02:45] Taka
    But after meeting the chief, I changed.
[02:48] Taka
    I've obtained it.
[02:50] Taka
    The power of Force Heptagon...
[02:53] Taka
    Now, let's go.
[02:55] Taka
    We'll create a new world together.
[02:55] Ai
    Hey, Mai, Mi! About the upcoming event...
[02:57] Ai
    Uh, nice to meet you.
[02:58] Taka
    Oh? This is a surprise.
[03:00] Taka
    I've never seen such a perfect virgin—
[03:03] Ai
    Who the hell says that to
    someone they just met?!
[03:06] Nar
    Wishing the best to all the
    non-virgin girls of the world.
SIGN    Next Episode Preview
[03:11] Tori
    Good evening! This is Torijiro!
[03:13] Tori
    During her high school days,
    Nyopomi-sensei used to bike to school.
SIGN    From an event the director participated in at the end of last year.
SIGN    If we spend 3 hours binge-watching PVs for
    new anime, how much would we
    want to watch the rest?
[03:16] Tori
    One day on her way home, some kids jumped
    out to throw leaves and Poké Balls at her,
SIGN    The director's spike tape.
SIGN    The monitors on stage.
[03:20] Tori
    yelling, "Don't let her get away!"
    and "Weaken and catch her!"
SIGN    Thanks to the staff for all their hard work!
[03:22] Tori
    What did Nyopomi-sensei say back?
[03:25] Wan
    Next time: "H... He... Help... Aabo!!!"
SIGN    "H... He... Help... Aabo!!!"
[03:28] Wan
    Look forward to it!

3 - Friend

Source: Crunchyroll
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[00:00] Mai
    Hey, Mi-chan, I've been wondering for a while,
[00:04] Mai
    but do you have any other friends?
[00:06] Mi
    Huh?
[00:07] Mai
    I've never seen you hang out with anyone else.
[00:09] Mi
    W-Well, I mean, there's Ai—
[00:10] Mai
    But Ai-chan's a minion.
[00:11] Mai
    Hey, Mi-chan, who are your friends?
[00:14] Mai
    Do you just not have any?
[00:15] Mi
    Huh?
[00:16] Mi
    Wh-What are you talking about, Mai?
[00:17] Mi
    To me, everyone is my brother!
    There's no way I don't have any friends!
[00:21] Mai
    No...
[00:23] Mi
    Huh?
[00:24] Mai
    I like you, Mi-chan.
[00:26] Mai
    But the Mi-chan in my mind is flawless
    and completely perfect.
[00:31] Mai
    And yet... I don't want a
    Mi-chan who has no friends!
[00:35] Mai
    I want to see your friends, Mi-chan!
[00:41] Mi
    Tomorrow.
[00:43] Mi
    I'll bring them here.
[00:45] Mi
    The most awesomest friend ever.
[00:48] Mi
    The ultimate friend, who's the perfect
    harmony of fruitiness and acidity.
[00:52] Mi
    I promise to present them to you, Mai.
[00:55] Mi
    Let's meet here again tomorrow.
[00:56] Mai
    Mi-chan...
SIGN    Choboraunyopomi Theater
[01:26] Three
    Ai Mai Mi!
[01:28] Mi
    I said that, but as long as I've been
    alive, I've never had a friend—
[01:32] Pono
    You seem troubled.
[01:33] Mi
    That voice!
[01:34] Mi
    It's Spicy Chicken and Mexican Pilaf—
[01:36] Pono
    I'm Ponoka.
[01:37] Pono
    If you give me five years of your life,
[01:40] Pono
    I wouldn't mind preparing a friend for you.
[01:43] Pono
    Six strands of hair,
    add a pinch of holy water...
[01:46] Pono
    Then you'll make it from this
    clay. Your ideal friend.
[01:51] Mi
    My ideal
[01:53] Mi
    friend!
[01:55] Mi
    I'm tired.
[01:56] Mi
    But will I really be able to
    make a friend out of this?
[02:00] Mi
    Whatever, it should be fine.
[02:03] Mi
    You think so, too, right?
[02:06] Mi
    I'm gonna go to bed now. Goodnight.
[02:28] Mi
    What are you?
[02:29] Tomo
    I'm... friend.
[02:33] Tomo
    Let's play, Mi.
[02:37] Mi
    I can't! How the hell am I supposed
    to play with someone like you?
SIGN    Dangerous Rock Coming!! | It's Coming! A Meteor | Crap! Take Cover!
[02:40] Tomo
    I'm... friend.
[02:43] Tomo
    I... like you...
[02:49] Frog
    Ribbit. Ribbit. Ribbit.
[02:49] Mai
    We're taking an evening walk.
[02:52] Mi
    Just stop already!
[02:53] Tomo
    I'm friend...
[02:54] Mai
    Mi-chan...
[02:55] Mai
    She has such a dangerous-looking friend.
[02:56] Mi
    Stay away!
[02:58] Nar
    She had no choice but to respect that.
[02:59] Nar
    Sachie and Kanako.
SIGN    Sachie and Kanako
[02:59] Sign
    Narration: Hirano Fumi
[03:01] Sachie
    I can't swim...
[03:02] Kanako
    Don't worry. First, just put
    your mouth in the water.
[03:05] Kanako
    O-Okay.
[03:06] Sachi
    I'm going to drown.
[03:07] ---
    At this rate, I'm going to fall
    for Kana-chan and drown!
[03:10] Nar
    Sachie was getting in deeper and deeper.
SIGN    Next Episode Preview
[03:12] Tori
    Good evening! This is Torijiro!
[03:14] Tori
    Nyopomi-sensei was invited
    to a Shueisha party.
[03:16] Tori
    Even the after party.
[03:17] Tori
    But she displayed her social anxiety
[03:19] Tori
    and kept staring at the roast beef, all alone.
[03:21] Tori
    Will Nyopomi-sensei be able to get
    along with the other authors?
SIGN    "May a Truck Plow Through Here!!!"
[03:24] Wan
    Next time: "May a Truck Plow Through Here!!!"
[03:26] Wan
    Look forward to it!

4 - Crestofales

Source: Crunchyroll
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[00:00] Ham
    Ham...
[00:01] Shop
    Congratulations.
SIGN    New Year's Lottery
[00:03] Shop
    You've won the special prize!
[00:03] Mi
    Oh, thanks...
[00:05] Crow
    Congrats!
[00:05] Shop
    Here's your special prize.
[00:06] Mi
    It's a living creature?!
[00:07] Ham
    Ham, ham.
[00:08] Mi
    Heya!
[00:09] Mai
    Mi-chan, that's...
[00:11] Ham
    Ham.
[00:11] Mi
    Oh, I won it. Isn't it cool?
[00:12] Mai
    Let me touch it, Mi-chan! Let me touch it!
[00:14] Mi
    Isn't it cute?
[00:15] Mai
    Please!
[00:16] Mai
    Hurry up and gimme.
[00:17] Ham
    Ham!
[00:21] Mai
    I won't miss next time...
[00:23] Mi
    Hamsters change people this much?
[00:28] Ham
    Ham, ham.
SIGN    Choboraunyopomi Theater
[00:55] Three
    Ai Mai Mi!
[00:56] Mi
    Fine, make sure you're gentle with him.
[00:57] Ham
    Ham.
[00:59] Mai
    Yay—
[01:00] Mi
    Ham!
[01:01] Mi
    Stop!
[01:04] Mi
    What the hell are you doing?!
[01:08] Mi
    How could you? How could you
    turn him into chawanmushi?
[01:11] Mi
    Huh? What's wrong? Ham?
[01:15] Mai
    Mi-chan, run!
[01:17] Mai
    Phantom Demon Beast Priest Crastofeles!
[01:20] Crast
    To think you'd see through me so easily.
[01:22] Mai
    So, it was you, Crastofeles.
[01:24] Crast
    I believe it's been about 800
    years since the Battle in Heaven...
[01:28] Crast
    But humans haven't changed one bit.
[01:31] Crast
    It must be sad for you, since you
    were reincarnated to protect them.
[01:35] Crast
    Don't you agree, Angel Shakalafy?
[01:42] Crast
    I see your habit when showing
    animosity hasn't changed.
[01:46] Ai
    I bought some drinks.
[01:46] Crast
    Tch. Apparently someone had to interrupt.
[01:48] Crast
    I'll fall back for today.
[01:49] Ai
    Oh, that's a really good cosplay.
[01:51] Ai
    What character is that?
[01:52] Mai
    Is that war going to start again?
[01:52] Ai
    Which do you want, Mi?
[01:54] Mi
    Oh, I'll take orange.
[01:56] Ai
    Here, you want the carbonated one, right?
SIGN    Norifumi
[01:58] Mai
    I will believe in human possibility!
[02:02] Mi
    Mai, what was that monster?
[02:04] Mai
    Phantom Demon Beast Priest Crastofeles.
[02:07] Mai
    Long ago, he was my comrade from Heaven...
[02:14] Cras
    I...
[02:16] Crast
    I want power.
[02:18] Mai
    Due to his desire for ultimate power,
    he turned into a demon beast.
[02:18] Mai
    Crastofeles!
[02:21] Mai
    And he caused the Heavenly
    Demon Space-Time War.
[02:26] Mi
    I have no idea what you're saying,
    but it sounds rough...
[02:28] Mai
    Don't "I have no idea what you're saying" me!
[02:30] Mai
    I frickin' went to the trouble
    of being reincarnated!
[02:32] Mi
    Um... By the way,
    what happened to my hamster?
[02:35] Mai
    Hamster? Oh, the thing that
    immediately got flimsy!
[02:37] Mi
    You're the one who did that to him!
[02:38] Ham
    Ham.
[02:38] Mi
    Hamsuke...
[02:39] Mi
    You idiot! Like I can take
    money from my pet, jerk!
[02:43] Mi
    Hamsuke...
[02:44] Mi
    I would be okay with kissing you, Hamsuke.
[02:46] Ham
    Ham.
[02:47] Mai
    Hamsuke's body was only possessed, so
    if you dig in the chawanmushi, he'll be in it.
[02:50] mi
    Ham!
[02:52] Mai
    I can't defeat him alone,
[02:54] ---
    so we have to find the three sages
    that were reincarnated.
[03:00] Cras
    Shakalafy, your friends have made you weak.
[03:05] Cras
    Human,
[03:06] Crras
    come with me—
[03:08] Ai
    You perv!
[03:09] Nar
    And peace in the human world was preserved.
SIGN    Next Episode Preview
[03:12] Dog
    Tsubonjour! This is Torijiro!
SIGN    [Info] Choboraunyopomi-sensei will announce the 2017 Seiyu Eleven.
[03:14] Dog
    Otsubo Yuka has finally been selected to
    represent Japan in Seiyu Eleven.
[03:16] Yuka
    My ball, my ball!
[03:16] Dog
    But the baumkuchen
[03:18] Dog
    she had in her mouth from halftime
    was too big, and she missed the PK.
SIGN    Thank you to everyone involved.
[03:21] Yuka
    Mrf norf.
[03:21] Dog
    What were the words Yukachin's father said,
    when she stood there in shock?
[03:25] Dog
    Next time: "A Nail That Sticks Out Will Get
    Hammered, But As Long As It Doesn't Get Bent."
SIGN    "A Nail That Sticks Out Will Get Hammered, But As Long As It Doesn't Get Bent (According to wiki)"

5 - Horse

Source: Crunchyroll
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[00:00] Nar
    This is a collection of short skits.
[00:01] Mi
    Man, the new year's started,
    and it's been so much fun.
[00:04] Mai
    But I'm scared.
[00:05] Mai
    EmDrive, the birth of deep learning,
    Elon Musk's space program...
[00:10] Mai
    Can humanity's ethics keep up with the
    revolutionary tech that's gone too far?
[00:15] Mi
    Nothing on humanity's instinctual
    level has changed.
[00:19] Mi
    But won't that lead to the judgment
    of God and Noah's Ark?
[00:23] Mi
    It's true that AI progression through singularity
    brings hope, as well as fear, but...
[00:27] Mai
    So cool.
[00:30] Mi
    Mai... Hey, Mai.
[00:32] Mi
    You aren't even listening!
SIGN    Surprise attack to go with opponent's low kick is super effective
SIGN    Completely invincible! Hardening after diving in
[00:35] Nar
    This is the collision detection for this part.
SIGN    Choboraunyopomi Theater
[01:03] Girls
    Ai Mai Mi!
[01:04] Ai
    The hot springs feel so nice!
[01:07] Mai
    Right?
[01:07] Mi
    Yeah.
[01:09] Mai
    Th-That's...
[01:10] All
    A wolf!
[01:12] Ai
    What's with that thing?
[01:13] Mi
    It started drinking the hot spring water!
[01:14] Mai
    I-I've heard of this! It's a pervy wolf!
[01:17] Mi
    Huh?
[01:18] Mi
    H-Hey! Stop drinking that!
[01:19] Mai
    There's a sheep over there! A pervy sheep!
[01:22] Nar
    Continuing on...
[01:24] Mi
    Ai, even you can't continue drawing
[01:27] ---
    while you're in boiling carbonated water...
[01:29] Mi
    Ai! If an unknown crustacean were
    clinging to your back, even you...
[01:34] Mi
    Ai,
[01:35] Mi
    if you were hit by a heat ray that
    made you want to pee, even you...
[01:40] Mi
    ...would still be able to finish
    a new volume, somehow.
[01:44] Nar
    Continuing on...
[01:45] Mai
    Cats are so cute!
[01:47] Mi
    What are you talking about? Dogs are cuter!
[01:49] Mi
    Huh? You wanna fight?
[01:51] Pono
    You two...
[01:52] Both
    That voice!
[01:53] Mai
    Raccoon-washing, Giraffe-killing Senpai!
[01:55] Pono
    I'm Ponoka.
[01:56] Ponoka
    Meaningless arguments will
    just leave you empty.
[01:58] Pono
    You, yourself, are the cutest.
    That's all that matters.
[02:02] Mai
    Right!
[02:02] Mi
    Yeah.
[02:03] Nar
    Continuing on...
[02:05] Nar
    Sachie and Kanako.
SIGN    Sachie and Kanako
[02:05] Sign
    Narration: Hirano Fumi
[02:06] Nar
    The two, playing in Kanako's room.
[02:08] ---
    A weekly activity on Sunday afternoons.
[02:10] Kana
    I'm going to get us some juice.
[02:12] Sachi
    Okay.
[02:13] Nar
    But when she returned to the room...
[02:14] Kana
    Sachie-chan?
[02:16] Nar
    Continuing on...
[02:18] Nar
    A scary story that actually happened.
[02:21] Chob
    So this refrigerator won't open
    unless you smile at it.
[02:24] Chob
    But what are you supposed to do
    when you're at a funeral?
[02:27] Guy
    Smirk.
[02:29] Lady
    Hey, you! My dad died! Stop smiling!
[02:33] Chob
    Wouldn't that happen?
[02:34] Lady
    Wait... I don't even know who that is!
[02:36] Lady
    Huh? Then who is that?
[02:37] Gguy
    I'm just opening the refrigerator.
[02:39] Chob
    That's probably what'd happen!
[02:42] Nar
    Continuing on...
[02:43] Mai
    Senpai, do you play any sports?
[02:46] Pono
    I do.
[02:46] Mi
    What do you play?
[02:48] Pono
    Zaiiga.
[02:49] Mi
    Huh?
[02:50] Pono
    It's a sport I discovered when I decoded
    the Voynich manuscript on my own.
[02:53] Mai
    I wanna try it!
[02:55] Pono
    First, you draw a circle with a
    diameter of 120 centimeters.
[02:57] Pono
    Everyone gets in, backs facing each
    other, and you close your eyes.
[03:01] Pono
    And then, you quietly walk away.
    Remember that, you two.

[03:05] Pono
    This is Zaiiga.
[03:05] Mai
    I wonder what will happen.
[03:06] Mi
    I'm scared...
[03:08] Tori
    Good evening! This is Torijiro!
SIGN    Next Episode Preview
[03:09] Tori
    Previously, the Ai Mai Mi voice cast
    gathered for a live event.
SIGN    It's a Hanamaru
SIGN    [Congrats] Uchida Aya-san recovered from throat surgery and started recording with episode 5. Congratulations on an energetic, full recovery back to work!! –From the Staff.
[03:12] Tori
    During the event, Uchida Aya asked
    Choboraunyopomi to sign her smart phone,
[03:16] Tori
    and got her wish.
[03:17] Aya
    Yay! I'll treasure it forever! Yay!
[03:22] Nar
    Next time: "Uchida Aya
    Drops her Smart Phone!"
SIGN    "Uchida Aya Drops her Smart Phone!"
[03:24] Tori
    Look forward to it!
[03:27] Nar
    The Donuts Arc is finally about to begin.

6 - Donuts Arc Part 1

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:02] Ai
    By the way, Mi, I don't think
    I know your real name.
[00:06] Mi
    Huh? Oh, it's totally normal.
[00:09] Mi
    Minya... Minya Meinich.
[00:12] Ai
    Hey, listen up!
[00:13] Ai
    Revealing a thing like that doesn't mean
    our relationship will change!
[00:16] Ai
    Here, have a donut!
[00:18] Mi
    R-Right...
[00:19] Mai
    It's so pretty.
[00:20] Ai
    Jeez, you don't have to be so distant.
[00:21] Mi
    Donuts, huh?
[00:26] Mi
    This is all we get again?
SIGN    — 10 Years Ago —
[00:27] Nar
    Ten years ago.
[00:30] Mi
    This isn't going to fill my tummy.
[00:33] Nana
    Keep running your mouth,
    and you'll just starve more.
[00:36] Mi
    Hmm?
[00:36] Nana
    Being free, having hope, or feeling full
    are all unnecessary sensations for us.
[00:41] Nana
    You haven't forgotten,
    have you, Number 31?
[00:45] Mi
    But it's just a single piece of a ring donut.
[00:48] Nana
    What? Are you saying what we eat
    daily is a piece of something else?
[00:52] Mi
    Yeah, it's like this ring...
[00:54] Nana
    Oh? I'd like to eat a whole one
    someday, if I get the chance.
[00:58] Mi
    Um, what is this place, anyway?
[01:01] Mi
    All they teach us are martial arts
    and survival techniques.
[01:06] Mi
    I heard that, at other nursery schools,
    they learn songs and dances.
[01:09] Rudolph
    Come on! Give it all you've got!
[01:09] Nana
    Are you stupid?
[01:11] Nana
    We were brought here to become assassins.
[01:14] Nana
    Basically, we're no more than slaves.
[01:16] Mi
    You haven't ever thought about escaping
    from here, Number 17-senpai?
[01:20] Mi
    I mean, this assassin thing is too weird—
[01:22] Nana
    I have nowhere else to go.
[01:24] Nana
    You don't, either, right?
[01:26] Nana
    Everyone here is thought to be dead,
[01:28] ---
    and our family registries
    have been destroyed.
[01:30] Nana
    Don't think of anything foolish, Number 31.
[01:33] Nana
    Let's get some rest for tomorrow.
[01:36] Nana
    After my parents and little sister
    died, I was also brought here.
[01:39] Nana
    But it's for the best.
[01:42] Mi
    Um, Nana-san...
[01:43] Mi
    It's awkward calling you "Number 17-san,"
    so can I just call you "Nana-san"?
[01:49] Nana
    I see you only say stupid things.
[01:53] Guy
    You guys are up!
[01:54] Nana
    No! Number 31 isn't ready yet!
[01:57] Guy
    Your mission is to eliminate
    President Macomzen,
[01:59] ---
    who's at the embassy.
[02:00] Guy
    If there's a chance that you can't escape
[02:03] ---
    without leaving evidence,
    you may use a bomb.
[02:08] Nana
    This is strange. Security here is far too light.
[02:12] Big guy
    What?
[02:14] Nana
    Crap.
[02:15] Big guy
    Found some intruders, I did.
[02:18] Big guy
    You aren't supposed to be here.
[02:22] Big guy
    Good evening...
[02:24] Mi
    H-He's so huge!
[02:25] 29
    Hello? Is this HQ?
[02:26] ---
    I think we'll be annihilated,
    so can we go back?
[02:28] 21
    It's too early to give up, Number 29!
[02:32] Nana
    Stand back, Number 31.
[02:37] Big guy
    Nope, not working at all...
[02:40] Big guy
    What? You all done?
[02:43] Nana
    I carved a sign into your temple.
[02:46] Big guy
    Hey, you're pretty nice, giving me
    a cool mark like this.
[02:51] Big guy
    Ow.
[02:52] Nana
    I've summoned all of the
    world's evil Haniwa dolls.
[02:55] Nana
    They're all heading here now.
[02:57] Nana
    Heading right for your temple!
[02:59] Big guy
    Ow! Ow, ow, ow! That hurts!
[03:04] Nana
    Hani Evil Planet!
SIGN    Hani Evil Planet
[03:09] Nana
    Y-You idiot.
[03:15] Mi
    Nana...
[03:17] ---
    Nana-san! Everyone!
SIGN    To Be Continued

7 - Donuts Arc Part 2

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:10] Mi
    Nana-san!
[00:11] Nana
    I see you've awakened, Number 31.
[00:14] Mi
    Nana-san? Where are the others?
[00:22] Nana
    We're currently trapped in a collapsed
    underground space,
[00:25] Nana
    with essentially no way out.
[00:27] Mi
    Essentially?
[00:30] Nana
    I guess people truly cannot
    understand themselves.
[00:34] Mi
    Huh?
[00:36] Nana
    I've always lived my life, prepared to die.
[00:39] Nana
    I thought I was used to cursing my fate.
[00:43] Nana
    But now that this has happened,
    I can't stop my tears!
[00:47] Nana
    I should have struggled more.
    I should have lived more...
[00:50] Mi
    Nana-san...
[00:51] Nana
    But, Number 31,
[00:53] Nana
    I shall not let you die.
[00:57] Mi
    Nana-san?
[01:05] Mi
    Incredible! You created a hole in space!
[01:08] Nana
    This hole leads to another world.
[01:11] Mi
    Then, let's hurry and get out of here!
[01:15] Nana
    I shall remain here.
[01:17] Mi
    Huh?
[01:18] Nana
    As captain, my duty is to blow myself up
[01:20] ---
    with those two, erasing any
    trace of our presence.
[01:23] Mi
    But...
[01:24] Mi
    The hole's getting smaller!
[01:26] Mi
    Nana-san, hurry! Nana-san!
[01:30] Nana
    "Nana-san," eh?
[01:32] Nana
    That's the first name I've ever been given.
[01:34] Nana
    Thank you.
[01:36] ---
    It made me happy.
[01:38] Mi
    Nana-san...
[01:39] Mi
    Hurry! Come with me, please!
[01:42] Mi
    Our donuts... We said we'd
    eat donuts together!
[01:45] Mi
    Nana-san!
[01:47] Mi
    I know... Your name is "Mi."
[01:51] Mi
    "Mi," which can be read as the "31."
[01:55] Mi
    Nana-san, forget about that! Just hurry—
[02:00] Mi
    Nana-san!
[02:13] Nana
    Live, Mi...
[02:16] Nana
    It's okay if you're pathetic at it.
[02:18] Nana
    Struggle and live...
[02:22] Nana
    For the both of us.
[02:28] Mai
    Mi-chan!
[02:29] Ai
    Mi!
[02:30] Mai
    Mi-chan...
[02:31] Ai
    Mi, come on.
[02:32] Ai
    Mi!
[02:32] Mai
    Mi-chan...
[02:33] Ai
    Mi!
[02:34] Mai
    Mi-chan...
[02:35] ---
    Mi!
[02:35] ---
    Mi-chan!
[02:36] Ai
    Mi, come on.
[02:37] Mai
    Mi-chan!
[02:39] Ai
    Wake up, stupid Mi!
[02:41] Ai
    Mi...
[02:43] Mai
    Mi-chan... Hey, Mi-chan.
[02:45] Mai
    Have you actually never
    seen donuts before?
[02:50] Mi
    Of course I have!
[02:51] Ai
    I'll make some tea.
[02:53] Mai
    Okay!
[02:55] Nana
    Mi has certainly grown up.
[02:59] Ponoka
    Want to be her guardian angel?
[03:03] Nana
    I have my own world line...
[03:06] Nana
    And Mi has hers.
[03:09] Nana
    It's okay if you're pathetic.
[03:11] Nana
    Just live, Mi.
SIGN    Donuts Arc: End
SIGN    Sachie and Kanako
[03:16] Sign
    Narration: Hirano Fumi
[03:16] Na
    Sachie and Kanako!
[03:21] Sachie
    I-I-It isn't what you think... It really isn't.
[03:25] Na
    Sachie was stuffing handmade
    hijiki into Kanako's recorder.

8 - Masajiro

Source: Crunchyroll
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[00:00] Ai
    Takoyaki is so delicious.
SIGN    Includes 6 Pieces
[00:02] Mai
    Pop, munch. Pop, munch.
[00:03] Ai
    I guess there's a reason they're
    shaped like Earth. Just kidding.
[00:06] Mai
    Huh?
[00:08] Mai
    I thought the Earth was flat.
[00:10] Mai
    What? What's going on?
[00:14] Mai
    At a time like this, I need
    a central Mai meeting...
[00:16] Mai
    All right, sit down, and stuff.
SIGN    Takoyaki Earth
[00:18] Mai
    Do you guys think the Earth is round?
[00:21] Mai
    Nope.
[00:22] Mai
    It's flat. It'd be dangerous if it was round.
[00:24] Mai
    Then we're okay with Earth being flat?
[00:26] Mai
    Yeah.
[00:26] Mai
    Sure.
[00:27] Mai
    Objection!
[00:28] Mai
    The Earth is round! The Sun is round, too.
[00:30] Mai
    One of the characters in
    "Earth" also means round.
[00:30] Mai
    What? That's messed up.
[00:32] Mai
    Then, how are we able to
    stand on the ground?
[00:34] Mai
    Well, I don't know, but...
[00:34] Mai
    Yeah!
[00:35] Mai
    There's something wrong with that.
[00:35] Mai
    Scary!
[00:38] Mai
    Hey, so I was thinking...
[00:40] Mai
    Takoyaki and Earth aren't the same.
[00:42] Ai
    H-Huh?
SIGN    Choboraunyopomi Theater
[01:10] All
    Ai Mai Mi!
[01:11] Mai
    It's so warm today, I'm tired and stuff.
[01:14] Mi
    Then why not take a nap?
[01:16] Mi
    Good grief, Mai. You're already asleep?
[01:20] Ai
    Huh? Wha—
[01:21] Mi
    And she's already peeing her pants.
[01:23] Ai
    That's way too sudden.
[01:25] Ai
    Huh? A dog?
[01:26] Mi
    What's it doing in the club room... Fast!
[01:28] Ai
    Huh?
[01:30] Mi
    Hey! Stop that, you stupid dog!
[01:33] Ai
    Mi!
[01:34] Mai
    Oh, Masajiro. You came again today.
[01:40] Mai
    Thanks, Masajiro.
[01:42] Mai
    Oh. He's a friend of yours.
[01:46] Mai
    Nice to meet you, Ma—
[01:49] Maaya
    Cute, cute, cute...
[01:50] Chobo
    Taso!
[01:51] Ai
    Y-You okay?
[01:53] Mai
    I'm really sorry and stuff, Mi-chan.
[01:56] Ai
    More importantly, what the heck is that dog?
[01:58] Mai
    He isn't a dog. He's a wolf.
[02:00] Both
    A wolf?!
[02:00] Mai
    A wolf that comes by when I wet the bed.
    He's a bed-wetting prevention wolf.
[02:05] Ai
    He isn't preventing anything...
[02:07] Mi
    Oh, jeez. It's a pleasure, Ma—
[02:12] Ai
    What are you doing?
[02:13] Mai
    Sorry, and stuff.
[02:17] Nar
    That night.
[02:19] Frog
    Ribbit.
[02:30] Mai
    Good morning, Masajiro.
SIGN    To Mai-san
[02:33] Mai
    This is...
[02:35] Mai
    "To Mai-san.
[02:36] Mai
    Sorry I startled you.
[02:38] Mai
    I'm one of the crew on the wolf-type spaceship,
    in which you've named Masajiro,
[02:43] Mai
    and I am called ShaQnoTie.
[02:46] Guy
    The reason we were taking your urine
[02:50] Guy
    is to make an antidote for a
    killer virus back on our home planet.
[02:55] Guy
    I'm sorry for not telling you earlier.
[02:57] Guy
    I will never forget your kindness.
[03:00] Mai
    H-Huh?
[03:00] Guy
    The days with you were very fun and..."
[03:02] Mai
    I guess my eyes are wetting
    themselves today and stuff.
SIGN    Next Episode Preview
[03:12] Tori
    Good Evening! This is Torijiro!
[03:13] Tori
    After finishing work at "anixwara,"
    Choboraunyopomi meets with Uchida Maaya.
[03:13] [SONG] ---
    [Congrats] At the Live Ai Mai Mi program that came back the other day,
    they featured Otsubo-san and Mukai-san's serial manga!
[03:16] Maaya
    Sensei, you like Ayaneru
    more than me, don't you?
[03:19] Nyopo
    Er, um, I like all of you. Next time,
    I'll bring you all some hydrogen water.
[03:24] Maaya
    But I want pudding.
[03:25] Nyo
    Huh?
[03:26] Maaya
    Mm... Pudding.
SIGN    "Find the Hydrogen Pudding!"
[03:26] Tori
    Next time, "Find the Hydrogen Pudding!"
[03:28] Tori
    Look forward to it!

9 - Falling into Darkness

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] Mai
    Ai-chan!
[00:00] Mi
    You idiot!
[00:00] DJ
    As always, thanks Tsuchinoko Shangrila-chan.
[00:02] Ai
    He read my message again today!
[00:03] DJ
    Next, we have your e-mails.
[00:04] ---
    I wonder what the listeners thought.
SIGN    Ow . . .
    Tsuchishan is so painful
    
    Huh? That was Tsuchishan? No way
    
    Zarucheku > > > > > >
    Matsushima > > > > > >
    > > > > > > Tsuchishan
SIGN    Tsuchishan is finished
    
    Tsuchishan is completely over
    
    Tsuchishan never even began
SIGN    Why is he even reading Tsuchishan?
    
    Tsuchishan is such a fail, it's actually funny.
    
    Tsuchishan just keeps failing lately
    
    So iffy lately. Tsuchishan is lame.
[00:07] Ai
    No way...
SIGN    The only reason he's reading anything
    from Tsuchinoko Shangrila is because
    she's a high school girl
    
    Is Tsuchishan supposed to be funny?
    
    Disappear, Tsuchishan
    
    Tsuchishan, seriously disappear
[00:10] ---
    That's so mean!
SIGN    Choboraunyopomi Theater
[00:45] All
    Ai Mai Mi!
[00:47] Mi
    Oh, sorry...
[00:49] Mi
    Sorry, Ai. But you shouldn't be
    drawing manga, there—
[00:51] Mai
    Mi-chan!
[00:52] Ai
    Why are you trying to penetrate my head?
[00:54] Mi
    Wha? It's just a paper airplane.
[00:56] Ai
    Huh?
[00:56] Mi
    Ai-chan, stop... She apologized.
    Mi-chan's gonna die!
[00:58] Ai
    You're assailants! Stop acting like victims!
[01:01] Ai
    You guys are what they call "human trash."
[01:03] Ai
    Do you know what you two have
    done to me over the years?
[01:07] Ai
    You really think that apology is enough?
[01:09] Mai
    Nope, we probably couldn't complain
[01:11] ---
    if you hit us and got a monetary settlement.
[01:13] Mi
    Mai...
[01:13] Mi
    Could you not back down there?
[01:15] Mai
    Mi-chan!
[01:16] Ai
    Next time you do that, you'll be sorry.
[01:19] Mai
    Ai-chan seems like a completely
    different person today.
[01:21] Mi
    What the heck happened?
[01:22] Ponoka
    She is the other Ai.
[01:24] Both
    That voice!
[01:24] Both
    It's the Tokyo Eel Protection Committee!
[01:26] Ponoka
    I'm Ponoka.
[01:27] Ponoka
    That is a separate personality,
    born of grief and rage.
[01:30] Ai
    I will purge them all.
[01:31] Pono
    It is "Dark Side Ai."
[01:32] Both
    Dark Side Ai?
[01:33] Mi
    You can't be serious.
[01:34] Pono
    She's acting on her strong
    hatred for humanity.
[01:37] Mai
    Is the real Ai-chan safe?
[01:39] Pono
    The usual one should be home.
[01:41] Mi
    Then, let's do to her what she did to us.
[01:43] Mai
    Wow, you aren't going to save her...
[01:45] Ai
    Hey, Ai!
[01:46] Mai
    Ai-chan!
[01:47] Kana
    O-Onee-chan?
[01:51] Kana
    Onee-chan?
[01:52] Mai
    Th-This is Ai-chan?
[01:53] Kana
    O-O-Onee-chan?
[01:54] Mi
    That's the face of one whose intelligence
    fell to that of an anteater!
[01:57] Pono
    Apparently, she's only an empty shell now.
[02:00] Pono
    To return her to normal, we will
    have to defeat Dark Side Ai.
[02:04] Ai
    Damn humans... I'll exterminate you all.
[02:06] Mi
    Hold it, Dark Side!
[02:07] Mi
    We'll defeat you and get
    the normal Ai back.
[02:09] Ai
    You're going to fight me?
    You foolish children.
[02:12] Mi
    Yeah, we might be fools, but you know...
[02:15] Mi
    We aren't so cold-hearted that we'd
    ignore a friend who's about to go astray!
[02:18] Mai
    Mi-chan!
[02:20] Mi
    Wait... The fight's already over...
[02:22] Kana
    Onee-chan?
[02:23] Kana
    Remember!
[02:24] Mi
    Kanako-chan...
[02:25] Kana
    That person... Actually, both of them...
[02:27] Kana
    are your precious neighbors.
[02:30] Both
    Huh?
[02:30] Kana
    Their houses are close. Super close!
[02:32] Mi
    That's what she thought of us?
[02:34] Kana
    Onee-chan, get a hold of yourself!
[02:35] Mai
    Ai-chan!
[02:35] Mi
    Ai!
[02:35] Kana
    Onee-chan!
[02:40] Ai
    Curse you, humans.
[02:42] Ai
    But as long as the light exists,
    the darkness will, as well.
[02:45] Ai
    Don't forget that.
[02:52] Kana
    O-Onee-chan...
[02:53] Mai
    Ai-chan!
[02:53] Mi
    Ai!
[02:54] ---
    Huh?
[02:56] Ai
    Wha... What's with you guys?
[02:59] Ai
    Hey...
[03:00] Ai
    Seriously, what's with you guys?
[03:00] Kana
    Onee-chan!
SIGN    Sachie and Kanako
[03:04] Sign
    Narration: Hirano Fumi
[03:04] Both
    Sachie and Kanako!
[03:05] Sachi
    I-It isn't what you think, Kana-chan!
[03:06] Nar
    The hijiki overflowing the recorder
    was enough to destroy their relationship.
[03:07] Kana
    Please stop...
SIGN    Next Episode Preview
[03:11] Tori
    Good Evening! This is Torijiro!
[03:13] Tori
    Nyopomi-sensei picked up three dogs in
    the rain, deciding to take them in.
SIGN    Do you know what "naruto" is, everyone?
SIGN    By the way...
SIGN    The naruto in ramen, with the swirly, spiral design.
[03:16] Tori
    But their endless appetite almost
    drove her to a nervous breakdown.
SIGN    Look, it's the thing on Chobo-sensei's chest.
SIGN    See? This thing!
SIGN    This is a naruto, too!!
[03:20] Tori
    Will the dogs be able to relinquish their
    appetites, to transform into wonderful ladies?
SIGN    This is a "naruto mark"!!
[03:24] Tori
    Next time, "Friends Who Can't Stop Eating!"
SIGN    "Friends Who Can't Stop Eating!"
[03:26] Tori
    Look forward to it!

10 - Ponoka and the Cloud Castle Labyrinth

Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:01] Nar
    Mi was troubled.
[00:03] Nar
    The repetitive days, and the fretfulness
    that was starting to show itself...
[00:07] nar
    It was because she felt like
    she was losing herself.
[00:13] Mi
    All right. I'll make some
    doria on a kappa plate.
[00:17] Mi
    They're so unguarded.
[00:19] Mi
    I can't believe they let such
    young kappas play alone.
[00:21] Mai
    Yeah.
[00:22] Mai
    It's the kappas' fault for not
    locking their rivers.
[00:26] Mi
    I guess they'll learn their lesson the hard way!
[00:30] Mi
    Please... I'll give you this partially
    eaten, hot apple pie!
[00:31] Mai
    Mi-chan!
SIGN    Choboraunyopomi Theater
[01:02] All
    Ai Mai Mi!
[01:03] Mi
    So that's what it was. You really scared me.
[01:06] Ai
    Make sure you don't go jumping
    out train windows, ever again.
[01:11] Tori
    Hello!
[01:14] Mi
    You bastard!
[01:15] Tori
    P-Please stop...
[01:17] Ai
    Mi, I'm fine.
[01:20] Mi
    Huh? But...
[01:21] Mi
    Guess you get to live.
[01:22] Tori
    I'm sorry.
[01:23] Mi
    But don't forget. Next time,
    I'll purge you and your family.
[01:26] Tori
    Scary!
[01:26] Mai
    Frog jump!
[01:30] Pono
    Oh, it's rare to see you two on your own.
[01:33] Both
    That voice!
[01:34] Mi
    White fish!
[01:35] Ponoka
    I'm Ponoka.
[01:36] Pono
    Listen to me, calmly.
[01:37] ---
    I've received information that this
    bus is going to be bus jacked.
[01:40] Ai
    Senpai, you're drooling—
[01:41] Dolphin
    Keep quiet!
[01:42] Ai
    D-Dolphins?
[01:43] Dolphin
    This bus is being bus jacked
    by us, the Justice Ocean.
[01:46] Dolphin
    You will all be sacrifices to
    save this era's dolphins!
[01:49] Mi
    Who the hell is that?
[01:50] ---
    How dare he talk, when he's a dolphin?
[01:52] Mi
    Senpai, take him out with your vase!
[01:54] Pono
    They're dolphins from the
    future. I can't interfere.
[01:57] Ai
    Senpai, you're still drooling.
[01:59] Pono
    I'll be leaving now.
[02:01] Dolphin
    Hurry up and get off.
[02:03] Dolphi
    From now on, we'll have you bipeds
[02:05] ---
    wear these kigurumis and protest until you die.
[02:07] Dolph
    If you run, we'll turn you into
    shumai with our beam guns.
[02:09] Dolph
    Come on, stop wasting time!
[02:12] Mi
    Ai...
[02:13] Dolph
    Hey, wait.
[02:15] Dolph
    You...
[02:17] Mi
    C-Can I help you?
[02:19] Dolph
    You appear to have extremely short legs.
[02:21] Dolph
    Could you be one of us? Sorry about that.
[02:26] All
    Please don't kill the dolphins!
[02:30] Ai
    P-Please don't kill the dolphins—
[02:30] All
    Please don't kill the dolphins!
[02:34] Ai
    Please... don't k-k-kill the dolphins!
[02:35] All
    Please don't kill the dolphins!
[02:37] Mi
    Ai...
[02:40] All
    Please don't kill the dolphins!
[02:41] Mi
    I-I'm saved!
[02:44] Dolph
    What's wrong, Sis?
[02:45] Ai
    Mi...
[02:48] Mi
    W-We dolphins can live in
    harmony with humans...
[02:52] Dolph
    This era's dolphins have finally been freed!
[02:54] Nar
    One peace. To live in harmony with dolphins.
SIGN    Sachie and Kanako
[02:57] Sign
    Narration: Hirano Fumi
[02:57] Both
    Sachie and Kanako!
[02:58] Sachi
    Well, you said you wanted to lose weight,
    so I have this zero-calorie hijiki.
[03:02] Kana
    But why put it in my recorder?
[03:03] Nar
    The mystery created more mysteries.
[03:04] Tori
    Good Evening! This is Torijiro!
SIGN    Next Episode Preview
[03:06] Tori
    Nyopomi-sensei finally got the chance to eat
    dinner with voice actress Sakura Ayane-san,
SIGN    *We really have nothing this time, so please enjoy this doodle by the director.
[03:09] Tori
    and enthusiastically thought, "There is
    definitely a fight I can't lose here."
[03:12] Tori
    That day, they were blessed with a nice day,
    like a celebration of this new departure!
[03:15] Tori
    What will become of
    Nyopomi-sensei and Ayaneru?
[03:17] Tori
    Next time, "Ayaneru Suddenly
    Doesn't Feel Well!"
SIGN    "Ayaneru Suddenly Doesn't Feel Well!"
[03:20] Tori
    Look forward to it!
[03:23] Nar
    We ended up with extra time.
[03:25] Mi
    A one-shot joke.
[03:26] Mi
    Bench!
[03:26] Ai
    Your legs just broke.
[03:28] Mai
    My, what a lovely bench!

11 - Unicorn

Source: Crunchyroll
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[00:01] Nar
    That day,
[00:02] ---
    Mai and Mi were on a bus tour,
    accompanying the
[00:05] ---
    popular voice actress they
    respected, Megumin.
[00:07] Nar
    However, the day of, a scandal
    involving Megumin was published,
SIGN    Hellish Love! Popular Voice Actress Megumin
    
    Was NOT a Virgin! (Possibly?)
[00:11] Nar
    and the fans that came were
    disconsolate, sad,
[00:14] ---
    and vomited repeatedly.
    Some even bit off their tongues.
[00:19] Megu
    Thank you all for coming.
    Let's all have fun today!
[00:23] fanA
    Megumin, that photo—
[00:24] megu
    All right, I'm going to go eat now.
[00:29] Mi
    We don't even get to eat together?
[00:33] fanC
    No!
[00:34] mi
    Guess it can't be helped.
[00:35] Mi
    What was meant to be a fun trip
    became a mass execution.
[00:40] Mi
    Even I'm...
[00:41] Mai
    What's wrong, Mi-chan?
[00:42] ---
    Tears of joy?
[00:43] Mi
    "What's wrong"?!
[00:45] Mi
    Who wouldn't cry on a tour that
    supports not being a virgin—
[00:49] Mi
    Mai! That's...
[00:50] Mai
    I know.
[00:51] Mi
    Huh?
[00:53] Mai
    I know all about Megumin
    not being a virgin.
[00:57] Mi
    Huh?
[00:57] Mi
    Then, Mai... You can smile so
    much, even knowing that?
[01:00] Mai
    Mi-chan, if you're a real fan,
    there's nothing happier than this!
[01:04] Mi
    Mai!
[01:06] Mi
    You're right... This is when
    we should celebrate—
[01:09] Mai
    I mean...
[01:11] Mai
    Now, we can all die together!
[01:15] Mai
    It's super happy to be able
    to go to heaven in rhythm
[01:19] ---
    with your favorite voice actress
    who's served her purpose!
[01:23] Mai
    So, Mi-chan, thanks for
    everything and stuff.
[01:27] Mi
    Huh? Wait...
[01:29] Mai
    Okay, I'm going now.
[01:31] Mi
    Huh, Mai? Where are you...
[01:41] Mi
    Mai turned into a unicorn?!
[01:45] Uni
    Step aside, human.
[01:49] Mi
    She's already lost all her
    human consciousness...
[01:52] Mi
    Step aside? Who are you?!
[01:54] Uni
    Naturally,
[01:55] Uni
    I'll pierce that woman with this horn.
[01:59] Mi
    B-But... You don't need to take her life!
[02:01] Uni
    Death is not a sad thing.
[02:05] Uni
    It is a new departure. And a salvation.
[02:08] ---
    Mai, wait!
[02:15] Uni
    Megumin. Megumin...
[02:16] Megu
    A unicorn!
[02:17] Uni
    Megumin, can I have your autograph?
[02:20] Megu
    O-Okay.
[02:21] Uni
    Yep, you aren't a virgin.
    I can tell by your writing.
SIGN    Megumin
    To Unicorn-san
[02:29] Uni
    Don't worry.
[02:31] Uni
    After you die, I'll turn you into a bacteria
    that lives for a million years—
[02:34] Mi
    Stop it, unicorn!
[02:36] Uni
    Good grief. You again?
[02:39] Uni
    You're so troublesome.
[02:41] Mi
    I won't let you... let Mai... do anything bad!
[02:44] Mi
    Tummy Punch!
[02:45] Mi
    Mi: the Final Spark!
[02:49] Mi
    Are you all right?
[02:50] Megu
    Hmph, thanks.
[02:52] Mai
    Um, Megumin...
[02:54] Mai
    I'm sorry about earlier.
[02:55] Megu
    Hey, stay away from me!
[02:57] Megu
    You're seriously gross!
[02:59] Mi
    Hey!
[03:02] Mi
    Aren't you to blame for all
    of this when you broke the rules?
[03:05] Megu
    Well, you're right. I'm sorry—
[03:08] Both
    A huge victory for virgin-worshipers!
[03:10] Mai
    I'm also sorry and stuff.
[03:11] Tori
    Good evening! This is Torijiro!
SIGN    Next Episode Preview
[03:13] Tori
    Ai Mai Mi Season 3 flew through
    with turbulent intensity.
SIGN    This time, we got an autograph from Megumin.
[03:16] Tori
    As the finale's bell rings,
    Nyopomi-sensei yells,
SIGN    Actually, this is something the sound effect person, Shouji-san, wrote to record the squeaky sound of the pen for the autograph.
[03:18] ---
    "Money, voice actors,
    rock and roll," in her heart.
[03:21] Tori
    What is the ambition that lies beyond the
    love, taken too far, for voice actors?
SIGN    Thanks for everything you do, Shouji-san.
[03:23] Tori
    Final episode: "I Want to be Tasoneru."
SIGN    "I Want to be Tasoneru"
[03:26] Tori
    Look forward to it!

12 - Dangerous Rock

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] Pono
    This is the Hyperbolic Time Internet Café.
[00:03] Pono
    A day in this room is equal
    to a month outside.
[00:06] Mi
    O-One month?
[00:08] Mai
    Then, if we train here...
[00:09] Pono
    Yes, you can power up enough
[00:12] ---
    to make Ai miss a deadline.
[00:13] Mi
    Wow! Now we can finally...
[00:15] Mai
    Can I get something from the drink bar?
[00:17] Mi
    Yeah, hurry and get me a melon soda!
SIGN    Two Days Later...
[00:20] Nar
    Two days later...
[00:21] Mi
    You're finished, Ai.
[00:23] Mi
    We'll finally make you
    miss a deadline today.
[00:25] Ai
    You two...
[00:26] Mi
    What's the matter? Is my aura—
[00:28] Ai
    You've been missing for three days!
    I was so worried about you!
SIGN    Dangerous Rock Coming!!
    It's Coming! A Meteor
    Crap! Take Cover!
SIGN    Dangerous Rock Coming!!
[00:39] Ai
    Hey, you two...
[00:40] Ai
    What's with you? You're working
    on the manuscript.
[00:43] Mi
    Well, you know...
[00:44] Mai
    This is special and stuff.
[00:44] Pono
    There's trouble, everyone!
[00:45] All
    That voice!
[00:50] Pono
    Hey, you, over there
[00:53] Pono
    Are you almost ready?
[00:56] Frog
    Ribbit.
[00:56] Pono
    Then let's go ahead and announce
[00:59] Pono
    Wapiko's...
[01:01] Pono
    A meteor will fall here
    in fifteen seconds!
[01:03] Pono
    Humanity has angered the intelligent lifeforms,
    the Anunnaki, from planet Nibiru.
[01:07] Pono
    They're coming to drop a planet on us!
[01:09] Mai
    No...
[01:10] Mai
    Earth will share planet Tiamat's future?!
[01:13] Ai
    Huh? Tia— What?
[01:14] Pono
    Anyway, it's dangerous here!
    Hurry and come outside!
SIGN    Sachie and Kanako
[01:17] Sign
    Narration: Hirano Fumi
[01:17] Both
    Sachie and Kanako!
[01:18] Sach
    Your stomach always rumbles
    during music class, doesn't it?
[01:22] Kana
    Hey, something tastes really good.
[01:25] Sach
    So I thought this might make you happy!
[01:26] Kana
    Oh, okay!
[01:27] Nar
    Their relationship continues.
[01:29] Ai
    Kanako, are you okay?
SIGN    Kanako's Room
[01:31] Sach
    Onee-san! I'm perfectly content
    to die here with Kana-chan!
[01:34] Ai
    Wha— What are you talking about?
[01:36] Kana
    L-Let's go, Sachie-chan.
[01:36] Sach
    Gana-jan!
[01:41] Sach
    K-Kana-chan...
[01:43] Kana
    I-It's okay, Sachie-chan.
[01:50] Mi
    This is awful.
[01:52] Mi
    If I'd known this would happen,
[01:53] ---
    I'd have played instead of drawing manga...
[01:56] Pono
    Everyone! Hurry up and get in.
[01:57] Frog
    Ribbit!
[01:59] Ai
    I'm sorry I forced you
    to draw manga...
[02:02] Mi
    It's okay.
[02:05] Mai
    Double Super R—
SIGN    Ai Mai Mi
[02:06] Ai
    Hey, you two!
[02:07] Ai
    I'll make sure you finally
    draw manga today!
[02:10] Mi
    We can't.
[02:11] Ai
    No! You're going to draw manga!
[02:14] Mi
    Ai... Wake up, will you?
[02:17] Mi
    Earth is gone now...
[02:20] Ai
    Hey, look! Don't you think
    I've improved at drawing?
[02:21] Mai
    Ai-chan...
[02:23] Ai
    I know. Why not release a doujinshi
    copybook at our next event?
[02:26] Ai
    Let's do it! It'll be great!
[02:26] Mai
    Ai-chan, get a grip!
[02:29] Ai
    It's my dream to become a manga artist.
[03:24] Nar
    Well, then... See you again,
    somewhere around town.
[03:27] Voice
    See ya.
[03:28] ---