3 - Moshi-Moshi to My Oshi

Source: Crunchyroll
Translator:
Editor:
Timer:
QC:
(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:03] Noichigo
    I'm Noichigo Kaju.
[00:05] Noichigo
    Just an ordinary high schooler living
    in Naniga City, N Prefecture.
[00:09] TV
    We now bring you some
    viewer-submitted footage.
SIGN    Submitted by
     Mashirou-san
[00:16] Noichigo
    Hold it!
[00:21] Noichigo
    You didn't need to upload that.
[00:24] Mashirou
    Why not?
[00:25] Mashirou
    You're doing good work.
    Why not flaunt it some?
[00:30] Bear
    Bear, bear!
[00:31] Noichigo
    Th-Thank you.
[00:36] Noichigo
    Kuma Kaijin?!
SIGN    The Next Day
[00:43] Chizuko
    Why is this so stupid?
SIGN    m 0 0 l 200 0 200 90 0 90
SIGN    Notice of Evil Deed
    
     I will be committing an act 
    of evil tomorrow at 3 PM 
    at Nikoniko Nishi Park.
     I will sit on a swing and refuse
     to give way even for a child.
     
    Fossa Magna
     Evil Mastermind
     Chrome
    
[00:46] Chrome
    I tried writing a crime
    warning for the first time.
[00:49] Chrome
    Not bad, is it?
[00:51] Chizuko
    If you were giving it to Berry Blossom,
    couldn't you make it look cooler?
SIGN    Chomp
SIGN    Chomp
SIGN    Chomp
SIGN    Chomp
SIGN    Gulp
[00:55] Chrome
    I never gave it to her.
[00:57] Chrome
    I had my Kuma Kaijins hand them out in town.
[01:00] Chizuko
    Why does it have to be so convoluted?
[01:03] Chizuko
    Are you sure she's going to read it?
[01:05] Chrome
    I'm sure she will.
[01:07] Chrome
    She's a hero of justice, after all.
[01:09] Chizuko
    Er...
[01:10] Chrome
    Now, let us do evil, Date Chizuko!
SIGN    Berry Blossom 
    is sooo cool!!
SIGN    HOOOOOONK
SIGN    Struck Oil
SIGN    She's eating crab...
SIGN    Coo Coo
SIGN    Phew
SIGN    I made hayashi rice!!
SIGN    You're eating it?!
SIGN    #3 "Moshi-Moshi to My Oshi"
[03:06] Chrome
    Date Chizuko...
[03:08] Chrome
    What say you to a game of Life?
[03:10] Chizuko
    You're already giving up?!
[03:12] Chrome
    But I can't!
[03:13] Chrome
    The weather's even more
    villainous than I am!
[03:16] Chizuko
    What does that even mean?
[03:17] Chizuko
    You already put out a notice!
[03:19] Chrome
    We cannot even be sure that she
    would have seen the pamphlet.
[03:24] Chizuko
    That's not what you said earlier!
[03:26] Chizuko
    I'll go take a look.
[03:31] Chrome
    Wait! It's dangerous out
    there, Date Chizuko.
[03:34] Chizuko
    It's right there! I'll be fine!
SIGN    Date
SIGN    Nikoniko Nishi Park
[03:45] Chizuko
    It's so windy.
[03:47] Chizuko
    There's no way even Berry Blossom
    would be out in this weather.
[03:50] Chizuko
    She's here!
SIGN    Chizuko 
    so happy!
[03:52] Chizuko
    I'm so grateful she came out after
    seeing that janky pamphlet.
[03:56] Chizuko
    But...
[03:57] Mashirou
    Let's go home, Berry!
[03:59] Noichigo
    I'm not leaving!
[04:01] Noichigo
    I'm waiting until they come!
[04:02] Mashirou
    There's no way they're coming!
[04:04] Noichigo
    No, they absolutely will!
[04:06] Chizuko
    They're in a heated argument.
[04:08] Chizuko
    Wait, that cat's talking.
[04:11] Mashirou
    There's no way!
[04:13] Mashirou
    I'm going to get blown away!
[04:15] Chizuko
    I feel like I've seen him somewhere...
[04:24] Mashirou
    B-Berry!
[04:27] Mashirou
    S-Somebody! Somebody!
[04:30] Chizuko
    This is bad!
[04:32] Chizuko
    Hang on tight!
[04:35] Chizuko
    That nailed her right in
    the face! Is she all right?
[04:39] Chizuko
    She's okay, right?
[04:42] Chizuko
    So close...
[04:43] Chizuko
    She smells nice.
[04:45] Mashirou
    Thank you so much, mysterious lady.
[04:48] Chizuko
    N-Not at all.
[04:49] Chizuko
    We need to get her somewhere safe.
[04:53] Chizuko
    I'm home!
[04:56] Chrome
    Welco—
[05:04] Chizuko
    Stop playing solo Othello at the front
    door! This isn't even your home!
[05:06] Chrome
    I am sightless, Date Chizuko!
[05:09] Chizuko
    We're going to have Berry Blossom
    rest here for a while.
[05:12] Chrome
    I just happen to have conjured
    up some business with her.
[05:18] Chizuko
    Stay put!
[05:20] Chizuko
    Don't you dare come out
    of that room over there!
[05:26] Chizuko
    Thanks for waiting.
[05:28] Mashirou
    Er, I thought I saw someone...
[05:31] Chizuko
    You're hallucinating. It's all good.
[05:33] Mashirou
    All... good?
[05:39] Chizuko
    She doesn't seem to be hurt,
    but she isn't waking up.
[05:44] Mashirou
    Berry!
[05:46] Noichigo
    Pancakes...
[05:48] Noichigo
    Two, please.
[05:49] Noichigo
    Actually, five.
[05:52] Mashirou
    Whew, she's just asleep.
[05:56] Chizuko
    Thank you very much.
[05:59] Mashirou
    I mean, that's our line, though.
[06:02] Chizuko
    I hope she eats her fill.
[06:04] Chizuko
    I'll make her pancakes
    until my arms fall off.
[06:08] Chizuko
    Also...
[06:11] Chizuko
    Berry Blossom is in my home.
[06:16] Mashirou
    Y-You know her?
[06:18] Chizuko
    Yes, well...
[06:21] Chizuko
    Her godliness hits like a body blow.
[06:24] Chizuko
    Crap, my eyes are going to burn
    if I look at her any longer!
[06:33] Chizuko
    Such high resolution!
[06:35] Chizuko
    Such long lashes!
[06:36] Chizuko
    Such glossy lips!
[06:38] Chizuko
    Braids!
[06:42] Mashirou
    Um...
[06:46] Chizuko
    S-Sorry for staring!
[06:47] Mashirou
    Oh, well, I can't blame you for staring
    at someone who looks like that.
[06:51] Mashirou
    Would it be all right if I asked you
    to keep her here a little longer?
[06:56] Chizuko
    Cat?
[06:57] Chizuko
    A cat?
[06:59] Chizuko
    Sure, for as long as she needs.
[07:01] Mashirou
    Her exhaustion seems to
    have caught up with her.
[07:04] Mashirou
    She was up all night studying for exams, too.
[07:07] Chizuko
    He's talking.
[07:09] Chizuko
    Exams?
[07:10] Mashirou
    Oh, no, I meant...
[07:12] Mashirou
    Right, I haven't introduced myself yet.
SIGN    Shrug
[07:17] Mashirou
    I'm Berry Blossom's handler, Mashirou.
SIGN    Mashirou
[07:20] Mashirou
    Here.
[07:21] Chizuko
    Uh-huh...
SIGN    Warm...
SIGN    Mashirou
[07:24] Chizuko
    It's lukewarm.
[07:27] Chizuko
    I'm sorry, Mashirou-san, I'm not aware...
[07:30] Chizuko
    What do you do?
[07:32] Mashirou
    Everything except fighting.
SIGN    Zzzz...
[07:34] Mashirou
    She tends to lose sight of her surroundings.
[07:37] Mashirou
    So I have to support her behind the scenes.
[07:40] Chizuko
    Squee! Mashirou-san!
SIGN    Squee
[07:42] Mashirou
    If only I were more powerful...
[07:44] Mashirou
    I'd take down that wretched
    organization myself!
[07:48] Chizuko
    Such a dark aura.
SIGN    Crash!
[07:51] Mashirou
    What?!
[07:52] Chizuko
    What was that noise?
[07:53] Chizuko
    What is he playing with?
[07:55] Chizuko
    Don't worry. You're just hearing things.
[07:58] Mashirou
    I'm pretty sure I should be concerned.
[07:59] Chizuko
    I-I need to change the subject.
[08:02] Chizuko
    Um...
[08:03] Chizuko
    So, I'm actually a huge Berry Blossom fan.
[08:07] Mashirou
    R-Really?!
[08:09] Chizuko
    Yes.
SIGN    Submitted by
     Mashirou-san
[08:10] Chizuko
    You know how they show viewer
    submissions on the evening news?
[08:14] Chizuko
    I watch those every time.
[08:17] Chizuko
    Huh?
[08:18] Mashirou
    You watch those?! I'm so happy to hear it!
SIGN    Oooh!
[08:21] Mashirou
    I'm the one filming those!
[08:24] Mashirou
    See, my bell here is a camera.
[08:27] Mashirou
    You said you don't know me,
    but of course you don't.
[08:31] Mashirou
    The photographer doesn't
    show up in the shot.
[08:33] Mashirou
    I guess having an insider submit clips
    is technically not okay, but y'know.
[08:40] Chizuko
    I just... I dunno...
SIGN    Hmmmm...?!
[08:43] Mashirou
    What is it, miss?!
[08:45] Mashirou
    I just want the world to
    know more about Berry!
[08:48] Chizuko
    I get that!
[08:49] Chizuko
    Thank you very much!
[08:50] Chizuko
    But...
[08:51] Chizuko
    I wish you would put your
    good looks to use more.
SIGN    Blush
[08:55] Chizuko
    A magical girl and a thing
    that's, like, two heads tall...
[08:58] Chizuko
    Is that all you are?
[09:01] Chizuko
    Nay, the potential there is infinite!
[09:06] Chizuko
    I just want you to capture
    that glamour on camera.
[09:09] Chizuko
    But you're the cameraman, so...
[09:13] Chizuko
    I just can't!
[09:14] Mashirou
    She's unhinged.
SIGN    Jeez...
[09:16] Mashirou
    I never knew Berry had
    such caring fans, though.
[09:21] Mashirou
    Thanks, lady.
[09:23] Mashirou
    You seem like you'd make a great producer.
[09:25] Mashirou
    It'd be nice if we could work
    on something together, huh?
[09:32] Chizuko
    Too bold!
[09:33] Mashirou
    Too bold?!
[09:35] Mashirou
    A blackout?
[09:36] Chrome
    I grow tired of playing by myself.
[09:39] Chizuko; Mashirou
    Chrome?!
[09:42] Noichigo
    More, please.
[09:43] Chrome
    Would you like to play, Mashirou?
[09:46] Mashirou
    You!
[09:47] Mashirou
    Why are you here?!
SIGN    Miss
SIGN    Miss
[09:50] Mashirou
    Damn you!
[09:51] Mashirou
    Brrrrtt!
[09:52] Mashirou
    I can't reach!
SIGN    Can't reach...
    Arms too short...
[09:54] Mashirou
    Let go!
[09:54] Chizuko
    He can't reach.
[09:55] Mashirou
    Let go, asshole!
[09:58] Chrome
    Why do you suppose?
[10:01] Chrome
    It's to retrieve this.
SIGN    Mashirou
[10:03] Mashirou
    My business card!
[10:04] Chizuko
    Hey, that was for me!
[10:07] Mashirou
    Give it back!
[10:09] Mashirou
    That's my business card!
SIGN    Mrhhh
[10:10] Mashirou
    What use do you have for it?!
[10:13] Chrome
    Something nice.
SIGN    Ku
    
    Ku
    
    Ku
SIGN    Identity Theft
SIGN    Billing fraud
SIGN    Spam
SIGN    Black Market Trade
[10:18] Mashirou
    Scary!
[10:21] Mashirou
    I don't want to think about this anymore!
[10:22] Mashirou
    I'll let you off the hook for now!
SIGN    Dummy! Stupid!
[10:24] Mashirou
    This isn't over!
[10:26] Chizuko
    Berry Blossom!
[10:30] Chizuko
    She's gone...
[10:31] Chrome
    What a beautiful parting shot.
[10:34] Chrome
    I shall have to keep it in mind.
[10:35] Chizuko
    I told you to stay put!
[10:38] Chizuko
    What are you going to use that
    business card for, anyway?
[10:41] Chrome
    I thought I'd make a phone tree.
[10:44] Chizuko
    For what, a neighborhood
    organization or something?!
[10:47] Chrome
    Henceforth, we can call in sick
    or call out for weather with ease.
[10:52] Chizuko
    You're actually using
    it for something nice?!
[10:55] Chrome
    Full armor!
[10:59] Mashirou
    Damn that Chrome!
[11:02] Mashirou
    Why was he at that girl's home, though?
[11:29] Chrome
    The storm has passed!
[11:30] Chrome
    It is a good day to be bad!
[11:32] Chrome
    Today is the day we commit
    evil, Date Chizuko!
[11:37] Chizuko
    You're full of energy.
[11:40] Chrome
    I am feeling excellent today!
[11:42] Chrome
    I feel I can accomplish
    what I normally cannot!
[11:44] Chrome
    Is there anything to do, Date Chizuko?!
[11:48] Chizuko
    Kidnap someone... and hold them hostage?
[11:53] Chrome
    Heinous.
[11:54] Chizuko
    You're the one who asked!
[11:57] Chrome
    To think you can come up with that
    first thing in the morning...
[11:59] Chrome
    I expect no less of our
    prospective senior official.
[12:02] Chizuko
    I'm not a prospective senior official.
[12:03] Chrome
    Magnificent! Evil indeed!
[12:06] Chrome
    I don't know if I can pull it off...
[12:09] Chrome
    I'm growing nervous.
[12:11] Chizuko
    Forget the hostage thing.
[12:13] Chizuko
    Who would you even...
[12:17] Mashirou
    Hello.
[12:20] Mashirou
    Thank you for taking care
    of me and Berry yesterday.
[12:26] Chrome
    He has come.
[12:29] Chrome
    Our summer bug flying into
    the fire, Date Chizuko.
[12:34] Chizuko
    Wait, no! I don't want to get involved!
[12:37] Chizuko
    With a hostage, we can render her powerless.
[12:40] Chizuko
    Do you not want to see Berry
    Blossom on her knees?
[12:44] Chizuko
    Her perilous fight?
[12:52] Mashirou
    Oh, hello.
[12:54] Mashirou
    This isn't much, but...
[12:58] Chizuko
    Thank you very much.
[13:01] Chizuko
    Please, come in.
[13:04] Mashirou
    Pardon me.
[13:07] Mashirou
    Berry is back to herself, thanks to you.
[13:10] Chizuko
    I'm glad to hear that.
[13:13] Mashirou
    Um...
[13:15] Mashirou
    By the way... if I may ask...
[13:17] Mashirou
    What do you and Chrome...
[13:21] Mashirou
    You scum!
[13:23] Mashirou
    Untie me! Bastard!
[13:23] Chizuko
    Th-This hurts...
[13:27] Chrome
    Apologies, Mashirou.
[13:29] Chrome
    This is all so that I may succeed
    in experiencing capture.
[13:32] Chrome
    I appreciate your sacrifice.
[13:34] Chizuko
    What do you mean,
    "experiencing capture"?
[13:37] Chrome
    Well, it's how evil my deeds...
[13:40] Chrome
    Wait...
[13:41] Chrome
    To render her powerless...
[13:43] Chrome
    Huh?
[13:44] Chizuko
    I witnessed the moment he realized
    he doesn't know what he's doing.
[13:48] Chrome
    In any case, I must complete the kidnapping!
[13:51] Chrome
    With more deviance! With more elegance!
[13:53] Grandpa
    I'm home!
[13:56] Grandpa
    Huh? A guest?
[13:58] Chrome
    You could say so.
[13:59] Mashirou
    Are you blind, you old fart?!
[14:03] Grandpa
    You're pretty unlucky,
    getting caught by Chrome-san.
[14:07] Grandpa
    You'll have to entertain
    him for a while, now.
[14:10] Chrome
    Hang on, Grandpa! That was
    supposed to be my line!
[14:14] Chizuko
    Don't just sit there. Call her!
[14:18] Chrome
    The call!
[14:20] Chrome
    Okay...
[14:28] Chrome
    My demand...
[14:30] Chrome
    Um...
[14:31] Chrome
    My demand is...
[14:39] Mashirou
    It's in my chest pocket.
[14:41] Chizuko
    Your chest pocket? Er...
[14:46] Mashirou
    Hello?
[14:48] Mashirou
    Hello?
[14:50] Mashirou
    Call her!
[14:51] Mashirou
    Call Berry Blossom and send for help!
[14:55] Chizuko
    He didn't chicken out!
[14:57] Mashirou
    Tch! This is hopeless. My hands are tied!
[15:00] Mashirou
    The third number in my contacts.
[15:02] Chizuko
    Right.
[15:06] Chizuko
    I don't know how he keeps
    up his hard-boiled cop act.
[15:14] Noichigo
    Should I have Earl Grey?
[15:16] Noichigo
    Actually, I think I'll have orange pekoe.
[15:24] Mashirou
    Berry! Pick up! Please!
[15:27] Chrome
    What do we do if she doesn't pick up?
[15:29] Chrome
    Do we leave a voicemail?
[15:30] Chizuko
    What kind of evil organization does that?
[15:33] Mashirou
    Berry!
[15:45] Noichigo
    Hello? Noichigo here.
[15:47] Mashirou
    Berry! It's me!
[15:49] Mashirou
    I'm sorry! I messed up!
[15:51] Noichigo
    Mashirou?
[15:52] Noichigo
    Where are you now?
[15:56] Chrome
    I've taken the phone, Berry Blossom!
[16:00] Noichigo
    That voice!
[16:02] Noichigo
    Um... I'm sorry, your voice is
    cracking. I can't tell who you are.
[16:07] Chrome
    Remain calm.
[16:09] Chrome
    I must remain calm.
[16:10] Chrome
    Now, listen up!
[16:12] Chrome
    Your feline fwie—
[16:17] Noichigo
    My fwiend?
[16:20] Chrome
    It's over...
[16:21] Chizuko
    Chrome!
[16:24] Chrome
    It appears this is it for me...
[16:27] Chizuko
    No!
[16:29] Chrome
    I leave you to realize my dream.
[16:36] Chrome
    My general...
[16:40] Chrome
    Dante...
[16:42] Chizuko
    Chrome!
[16:47] Mashirou
    A magnificent death,
    if I may say so as an enemy.
[16:52] Mashirou
    Dante, was it?
[16:55] Chizuko
    Me?
[16:56] Mashirou
    Who else is there?
[16:58] Chizuko
    N-No, I...
[17:01] (Flashback) Chizuko
    Do you not want to see Berry
    Blossom on her knees?
[17:06] (Flashback) Chizuko
    Her perilous fight?
[17:13] Mashirou
    What do you hope to accomplish on your own?
[17:17] Chizuko
    Watch me.
[17:18] Chizuko
    I can answer this call.
[17:20] Chizuko
    And I can take you hostage.
[17:23] Chizuko
    I am General Dante!
[17:28] Grandpa
    Chizuko is so quick to get
    swept up in the moment.
[17:33] Chizuko
    "I have one of your men.
[17:35] Chizuko
    Come to Fossa Magna headquarters
    if you want him back."
[17:38] Chizuko
    Okay, I can do this.
[17:40] Chizuko
    Hello?
[17:42] Noichigo
    You finally picked up!
[17:44] Noichigo
    Jeez!
[17:45] Noichigo
    I was so worried something was wrong.
[17:49] Noichigo
    Mashirou? Are you listening?
[17:51] Chizuko
    She's so cute!
[17:53] Noichigo
    Hello?
[17:54] Chizuko
    Y-Yes?
[17:56] Noichigo
    Was that Mashirou's friend
    on the phone earlier?
[17:59] Noichigo
    I'll reheat your milk later if
    you're still out having fun.
[18:07] Chizuko
    Ow...
[18:08] Noichigo
    What was that?
[18:11] Noichigo
    Are you one of Mashirou's friends?
[18:14] Noichigo
    Did something happen to Mashirou?
[18:16] Chizuko
    I'm worried about Berry Blossom...
[18:19] Chizuko
    No! I have to make her squirm!
[18:24] Chizuko
    She...
[18:25] Chizuko
    She's eating something!
[18:28] Noichigo
    Hello?
[18:30] Chizuko
    I-I have to say it!
[18:32] Chizuko
    I have to say it!
[18:36] Chizuko
    I have your Mashirou-san.
[18:40] Chizuko
    If you want him back, please come get him.
[18:48] Chizuko
    Yes.
[18:49] Chizuko
    Yes.
[18:50] Chizuko
    Please and thank you.
[18:53] Chizuko
    I can't!
[18:56] Chizuko
    What...
[18:58] Chizuko
    What am I, a lost kids' center?!
[19:01] Chizuko
    I couldn't tell her anything!
[19:04] Chizuko
    Anything at all!
[19:08] Mashirou
    Er... Eh?
[19:12] Grandpa
    Looks like they're done.
[19:15] Grandpa
    I think that means you can go home now.
[19:20] Mashirou
    Really?
[19:25] Grandpa
    See you later.
[19:30] Mashirou
    Dante, huh?
[19:32] Mashirou
    I've gotten a good look at your handiwork.
[19:36] Mashirou
    It looks like we have another
    formidable enemy on our hands.
[19:46] Chizuko
    Chrome...
[19:47] Chrome
    No. Don't say it.
[19:50] Chrome
    I know.
[19:52] Chrome
    I ought to be more prepared
    when I do things.
[19:55] Chrome
    And without a successful outcome,
    any effort is for naught.
[20:00] Chrome
    Most of all...
[20:02] Chrome
    One should not engage in activities
    with which they are not familiar.
[20:06] Chizuko
    Chrome...
[20:08] Chizuko
    That was a lot more mundane
    than he made it seem.
[20:10] Chrome
    Am I not correct, General Dante?
[20:13] Chizuko
    No, I just had no choice but to play along!
[20:17] Chrome
    Still, Mashirou has identified
    you as being on my side.
[20:24] Chizuko
    Y-You're cornering me again!
[20:28] Chrome
    I am a bad grown-up.
[20:31] Chizuko
    This is all because you didn't do your
    evil deed like you were supposed to!
SIGN    Bamboo Leaf Dango
SIGN    A Magical Girl's Battle
SIGN    Saburou Ramen
[22:15] Noichigo
    How despicable of you to jump
    the line, Mastermind Chrome!
[22:20] Chrome
    And what will you do about it?
[22:22] N
    Here, we see a five-minute clip
[22:23] Noichigo
    You're making the line longer!
[22:24] N
    from local news of the battle between
    a magical girl and an evil organization.
[22:24] Noichigo
    You'll pay for this!
[22:26] Noichigo
    Go to the back of the line!
[22:28] Chrome
    Nuh-uh!
[22:30] N
    One man risks his life for the shot.
SIGN    Mascot 
    & 
    Cameraman
SIGN    Mashirou
SIGN    Why do you film?
[22:37] Mashirou
    Well...
[22:39] Mashirou
    I can't participate in the fight,
    so I want to contribute somehow.
[22:45] Mashirou
    It was more or less just a hobby at first.
[22:48] Mashirou
    I like looking back on the past.
[22:55] N
    He edits the video.
[22:57] N
    Once it's cut down to five minutes,
    he sends it off to the local TV station.
[23:02] Mashirou
    As far as anyone else is concerned,
    a magical girl is just as suspicious, right?
[23:07] Mashirou
    So I've been hoping that she'll become more
    famous and be known as a hero of justice.
[23:13] N
    But there was a large obstacle.
SIGN    Another popular program in the same time slot
[23:19] N
    Low viewership.
SIGN    Training Pants Man
     "Quick footed! 
    Training Pants Man" and others
SIGN    NN Local
     Naniga City News First to Break!
[23:21] N
    The hardships of a program simultaneous
    to another popular one.
[23:25] N
    It's too late to stop now.
[23:28] N
    He marches forth in darkness,
    knowing not who watches.
SIGN    His struggle continues...
SIGN    #4 "Soaked on a Rainy Day"
[23:35] Chizuko
    Episode 4: "Soaked on a Rainy Day."