4 - An Interview with Haruaki?! Here Comes Youkai TV! Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) SIGN    Class 2-3 [00:04] All     What?! [00:07] Hijita     Youkai TV 's gonna interview you?! [00:11] Haruaki     They want to do an up-close interview of me [00:14] Haruaki     as the first human teacher at a youkai school. SIGN    Oni [00:16] Beniko     And what's the show called? [00:18] Haruaki     Well... [00:20] Haruaki     It's a documentary show called     Youkai Autobiographies. [00:24] Hijita     What?! That's a super famous     show that's been on forever! [00:27] Seimei     Seimei! I really don't think you should do this! [00:32] Haruaki     Huh?! But why? [00:33] Haruaki     That shocked me so much,     I hit my head on the board! [00:35] Nyuudou     You're just gonna embarrass     yourself on national TV. [00:40] Haruaki     Wah, what's your problem with me?! [00:43] All     This right here. [00:45] Sano     Actually, should you even be on TV? SIGN    Scaredy     Cat SIGN    Scaredy     Cat SIGN    Loser SIGN    Loser [00:48] Sano     You're a loser, a scaredy cat,     and you have a uniform fetish. [00:51] Sign     Uniform     Fetish [00:51] Sign     Uniform     Fetish [00:53] Sano     Tons of viewers will probably complain     about you and, worst case, [00:56] Sano     you might get fired. SIGN    Fired [00:57] Haruaki     Such violent words! [00:59] Haruaki     Yeah, I guess I am pretty useless... [01:02] Haruaki     Maybe I'll decline after all. [01:05] Hijita     Oh, fine. [01:07] Hijita     We'll do our best to make you     look like a good teacher on TV. [01:12] Hijita     So make sure you don't     embarrass yourself. [01:16] Haruaki     Right! [01:17] Hatanaka     Er, more importantly, could you not     put a hole in the wall during class? SIGN    A Terrified Teacher at Ghoul School! SIGN    A Terrified Teacher at Ghoul School! SIGN    A Terrified     Teacher at     Ghoul School! SIGN    A Terrified     Teacher at     Ghoul School! SIGN    Auditorium SIGN    The Following Week SIGN    Episode 4     "An Interview with Haruaki?!     Here Comes Youkai TV!" [03:00] Ageha     Hello! [03:02] Ageha     I'm a director at Youkai TV. [03:05] Ageha     My name is Ageha, and I'm a     youkai called a choukeshin. [03:08] Ageha     This is my AD and my other staff. [03:12] Haruaki     The AD's scary. [03:14] Ageha     So after we film your class,     we'd like to see some club activities. [03:20] Haruaki     Oh, sure! I look forward to working with you. SIGN    Class 2-3 [03:26] Mujina     I wonder if Seimei's being     interviewed right about now. [03:30] Nyuudou     Who's that? [03:31] Tamao     The former afro guy Mujina     who got a straight perm. [03:35] Mamekichi     Hey, Yanagida. You're awfully shiny today. [03:38] Yanagida     Touch me. [03:43] Mamekichi     Th-This is... silk! [03:48] Yanagida     Today, you can call me an ittan-silk     rather than ittan-momen, kid. [03:52] Mamekichi     Shut up, you dumb silkworm secretion. [03:55] Beniko     Wow, everyone's hyped up. [03:58] Hijita     Seriously... [03:59] Hijita     Guys! Quiet down and     stop getting carried away! [04:02] Hijita     I can't concentrate on my reading! SIGN    Harumph [04:04] Hijita     Harumph! [04:05] Beniko     You're the one who's getting carried away. [04:07] Nyuudou     Seriously? You said this was for Seimei,     but you all just wanted to be on TV! [04:14] Tamao     Actually, I also... [04:18] Tamao     decided to try out being a long-haired cat! [04:20] Nyuudou     What an expensive-looking cat! [04:23] Haruaki     This is my class, Director. [04:26] All     He's here! [04:28] Ageha     Hello, everyone! I look forward     to working with you all today. [04:34] Nyuudou     That AD's scary. [04:37] Ageha     I wonder why there's a     hole in the blackboard. [04:41] Haruaki     Okay, open up your textbooks... SIGN    Super Cute     Uniform Encyclopedia SIGN    Super Cute     Uniform Encyclopedia [04:44] Haruaki     This is... SIGN    Modern     Japanese [04:48] Mujina     What?! [04:49] Nyuudou     Well, that was short-lived. SIGN    Super Cute     Uniform Encyclopedia SIGN    Super Cute     Uniform Encyclopedia [04:53] Haruaki     This is my Super Cute Uniform Encyclopedia! [04:56] Haruaki     Crap! I must've brought it     instead of my textbook! [05:00] Haruaki     I can understand grabbing the wrong     textbook, but this is real bad! SIGN    Cue card [05:05] Haruaki     But thankfully, no one     seems to have noticed yet. [05:08] Haruaki     In that case... [05:09] Haruaki     Oh, no! I slipped! [05:11] Ageha     What in the world?! [05:16] Haruaki     Dear members of Class 4... [05:18] Haruaki     Someone please lend me your Japanese book! [05:21] Hatanaka     Why did you come to     borrow one from there?! [05:29] Haruaki     Whew, class is finally over... [05:31] Haruaki     I just got a thousand years     knocked off my life. [05:34] Mamekichi     How long do you plan on living? [05:37] Ageha     Abe-sensei! What's the next class? [05:40] Haruaki     Um, next up is... [05:44] Haruaki     Hatanaka-sensei will be helping us     with our next class of spooking. [05:49] Hatanaka     You'll all be doing some actual spooking. [05:53] Hatanaka     Make sure you be careful     and give it your all! [05:56] Haruaki     Yes, sir! I'll give it my all! [05:59] Hatanaka     Er, you won't be spooking, Abe-sensei. [06:01] Hatanaka     Please don't do anything. Just watch. [06:03] Ageha     A human teacher coming along     on a spooking lesson! [06:07] Ageha     This will make excellent footage! [06:09] Haruaki     But if this class will be in Honshu...     Are we hopping on a boat now? [06:14] Hatanaka     Of course not. It'd take more than ten hours. [06:17] Hatanaka     We're going straight from the     classroom. Open the door. [06:24] Haruaki     A-An abandoned building?! [06:28] Hatanaka     So, as you can see,     we're not at school anymore. [06:32] Hatanaka     We're in a shopping district on Honshu. SIGN    Exciting Shopping District [06:35] Hatanaka     The principal used his youkai magic to connect     that classroom with this place in Honshu. SIGN    We Were     Here SIGN    Now We're     Here [06:41] Japan     Wow! [06:42] Haruaki     You guys could've told me that earlier... [06:46] Haruaki     I came here by boat my first day. [06:48] Hatanaka     If we had, you would've run off your first day. [06:50] Haruaki     T-True! [06:52] Haruaki     Oh, could we cut this part out? [06:54] Ageha     Sure! Leave it to us. [06:56] Hatanaka     Now, then. [06:57] Hatanaka     This should be the first hands-on     practice for all of you. [07:00] Hatanaka     This shopping district's been shuttered,     so there aren't a lot of people around. [07:04] Hatanaka     It's the perfect place for     your first hands-on practice. [07:07] Hatanaka     By the way, Abe-sensei might be human,     but he's not a suitable target to spook. [07:11] Hatanaka     Do you know why? [07:12] Haruaki     I'm not? [07:14] Mamekichi     I do! It's because he doesn't have any friends! [07:17] Haruaki     M-M-M-M-M-M-Maizuka-kun! [07:20] Hatanaka     You're half correct. [07:22] Haruaki     Hey! Don't keep talking as if     I really don't have any friends! [07:26] Hatanaka     Do you, though? [07:27] Haruaki     No, I don't. [07:30] Hijita     I know! Because he's a perv! [07:32] Beniko     I know! Because he's so pathetic to look at! [07:34] Sano     I know. He spreads misfortune. [07:36] Haruaki     Uh, hey! You're all just     slandering me left and right! [07:39] Utagawa     Um... Because even if you spook     him, he'll have no one to tell? [07:44] Hatanaka     Exactly, Utagawa. [07:46] Hatanaka     You can spook all you want, but there's     no point if word of it doesn't spread. [07:50] Child     Mommy! Ghosts! [07:51] Hatanaka     For that same reason, no small children, either. [07:53] Hatanaka     No one will believe them. [07:55] Haruaki     I see! [07:57] Hatanaka     And no elderly, pregnant,     or ill-looking people, either. [08:01] Haruaki     I guess you have to be really     careful about spooking. [08:05] Hatanaka     Okay, first up... [08:06] Hatanaka     Let's have the class reps, Utagawa     and Nyuudou, give it a try. [08:10] Haruaki     I'll send you guys good vibes so it'll go well. [08:15] Nyuudou     Please don't. I feel like your     vibes will just mess us up. [08:25] Utagawa     Hey, look! How about those people? [08:28] Rando guy A     By the way, what happened     with your other girlfriend? [08:31] Rando guy B     Oh, her? I dumped her ages     ago. She's broke as hell. [08:35] Nyuudou     Wow, what a piece of shit.     This'll make it easy. [08:39] Utagawa and Nyuudou     Okay! [08:41] Utagawa     Excuse me. [08:42] Utagawa     Could you give me directions? [08:45] Rando guy A     Well, where do you wanna go?     I'll take you there myself! [08:49] Utagawa     Really? In that case... [08:53] Utagawa     Could you take me to the River Styx? [09:01] Rando guy A     A ghost! [09:02] Rando guy A     Someone get a shaman! [09:03] Rando guy B     You dumbass! What good would     it be talking to ghosts?! [09:05] Rando guy A     Ow. [09:07] Nyuudou     Boo. [09:12] Nyuudou     If you don't treat girls better,     you might get a visitor by your pillow. [09:19] Both     Yeah! [09:20] Hatanaka     Fantastic work, you two. [09:22] Haruaki     I'm really glad I'm not a     good target for spooking. [09:27] Mujina     Damn you, Nyuudou.     How dare you get all the praise? [09:31] Hatanaka     In that case, Mujina,     you and Hijita can go next. [09:34] Mujina     Leave it to me! [09:36] Mujina     I'll do a much better job spooking     than that cocky narcissist! SIGN    The Cocky     Narcissist SIGN    The Cocky     Narcissist [09:42] Small Old Man     The cocky narcissist. [09:45] Nyuudou     Huh? [09:49] Hijita     Hey, Mujina, your mom's over there. [09:52] Mujina     You saying that just because     we have the same hair? [09:55] Mujina     Let's go! [09:57] Hijita and Mujina     Excuse me. [10:00] Hijita and Mujina     Hello! [10:06] Old Lady     Well, well... SIGN    Tanaka's     Salt [10:09] Old Lady     Hi-yah! [10:12] Hijita     What's the big idea, you old hag?! [10:14] Old Lady     I'm no ordinary old lady! [10:17] Old Lady     I'm an exorcist old lady that     some high school kids hired! SIGN    "Some high school kids" [10:22] Old lady     Curse you, evil spirits!     I'll exterminate you! [10:25] Hijita and Mujina     You seem way more like the evil     spirit here, you old hag! SIGN    Exciting Shopping District [10:31] Hijita     Please stop! [10:33] Mujina     No, I can't! [10:36] Hijita     And so we played tag with everything     we had for about ten kilometers. [10:41] Hatanaka     Where's the old lady? [10:43] Mujina     We managed to seal her away. [10:48] Nyuudou     Don't sweat it. [10:49] Mujina     Shut up! [10:51] Hatanaka     Okay, next up, we have highest     attendance, Akisame, and... [10:56] Tamao     Let it be someone cute.     Let it be someone cute. [10:57] Tamao     Let it be someone cute. Let it be     someone cute. Let it be someone cute! [11:04] Mamekichi     Ain't I a cutie? [11:06] Tamao     Sure. [11:07] HS girl A     What? No way! [11:10] HS girl B     Nuh-uh! You can't hide it! [11:12] Mamekichi     Hey, Akisame-kun. Some high     school girls are coming over. [11:15] Tamao     Heck yeah! Let's do this, Mame! [11:18] Mamekichi     Wow, you're pumped. [11:20] HS girl A     Okay, I'll tell you the truth. [11:23] HS girl B     Yeah! SIGN    Hiss [11:25] Tamao     Hey, look! I'm a nekomata! [11:27] HS girl A     Oh, my gosh! A kitty! [11:29] HS girl B     Wow! It has two tails! That's amazing! [11:34] Mamekichi     Tanukis are charming, too! [11:37] HS girl A     Ooh! A tanuki, too! [11:39] HS girl B     It's so cute and fluffy! [11:41] Haruaki     They just seem to enjoy being doted on. [11:45] Hatanaka     I guess I'll be giving     those two extra homework. [11:49] Hatanaka     Okay, next. Mikoto Sano. [11:54] Hatanaka     And, I know. Why don't you     go with him, Abe-sensei? [11:58] Haruaki     Huh? Me? [11:59] Sano     Wha?! Why do I have to go with him? [12:02] Haruaki     Yay! Do I get to spook people,     too? That sounds fun! [12:05] Ageha     That's a great idea! We'll get it all on film. [12:10] Hatanaka     Just in case. [12:17] Haruaki     Come to think of it, you don't use     youkai magic at all, Sano-kun. [12:21] Sano     I'm not good at controlling my youkai magic. [12:30] Sano     Remember what Miki said in class before? [12:33] Sano     Zashiki and I are the types [12:34] Sano     that can use our youkai magic     just by willing it in our hearts. [12:40] Small Old Man     Sano-kun in middle school. [12:43] Sano     I was never able to really     control my heart well enough. [12:48] Haruaki     Don't worry, Sano-kun! [12:51] Haruaki     If all else fails, I'll use my exorcism     powers to exorcise your youkai magic. [12:57] Haruaki     See? I even brought a uniform for     a dress-up doll to get motivated. [13:05] Sano     Say that once you can actually use     your exorcism powers properly. [13:09] Sano     Come on. Let's get this over with. [13:11] Haruaki     Wait for me, Sano-kun! [13:15] Male Owner     You're so full of energy, Todoroki. [13:17] Todoroki     Sure am. [13:22] Sano     I'll make this as mild as possible. [13:26] Male Owner     What's wrong, Todoroki? [13:27] Male Owner     Todoroki! Where are you going?! [13:30] Sano     I did it, but that was a bit lame. [13:33] Haruaki     S-Sano-kun... [13:37] Haruaki     Todoroki is heading this way! [13:40] Sano     That's not due to my youkai magic. [13:46] Todoroki     You're mine! [13:51] Haruaki     That was a close one! SIGN    G     y     a     a     a     a     a     a     h [13:55] Haruaki     I blame being born under an unlucky star! [13:59] Working lady     About the documents for the next meeting... [14:03] Haruaki     Hello! SIGN    Hello!!! [14:05] Hatanaka     A-Are you all right, Abe-sensei? [14:08] Haruaki     If I look all right to you right now, [14:09] Haruaki     you might want to get your     glasses prescription renewed. [14:13] Sano     There, I scared them. [14:15] Haruaki     I'm the one you scared, actually! [14:24] Hatanaka     Well, anyway... Why not try scaring     people without hurting them? [14:29] Sano     Without hurting them... [14:32] Haruaki     Yeah. For example, a paranormal     phenomenon or a poltergeist. [14:42] HS girl     Help! Police! [14:44] Hatanaka     Hey, wait a second! [14:45] Haruaki     Wait, Hatanaka-sensei! [14:47] Haruaki     Don't chase after a high school     girl looking like this! [14:50] Sano     At least I didn't hurt you. [14:53] Both     You deeply hurt our hearts and our pride! SIGN    A Terrified Teacher at Ghoul School! SIGN    A Terrified Teacher at Ghoul School! SIGN    Class 2-3 [15:06] Ageha     Great job on your outdoor class. [15:08] Ageha     We got some great footage of it! [15:11] Ageha     Let's do the club activities     interview after this! [15:14] Haruaki     Er, um... Please make sure to     cut out any risque footage. [15:19] Mujina     This isn't looking too good. [15:22] Beniko     And they definitely didn't get any     footage of him actually being useful. [15:25] Beniko     Because he wasn't useful. [15:27] Hijita     We told him not to embarrass himself... [15:30] Tamao     Is there anything we can do? [15:32] Hijita     Oh, fine. Let's roll up our     sleeves and help him out. [15:35] Beniko     You gonna turn to mud if     you roll them up too much? [15:37] Hijita     No! [15:38] Hijita     Listen... Whisper, whisper, whisper... [15:44] Sano     What are they plotting? [15:47] Ageha     So you're usually the advisor     for the biology club? [15:51] Haruaki     Yes. [15:52] Haruaki     Or, well, I water the mandragoras     and feed the human-faced fish. [15:59] Ageha     I hear you've named the     mandragora you take care of. [16:04] Haruaki     Yes! [16:05] Haruaki     I brought a few of them from     the mandragora garden today. [16:08] Marshmallow     We're mandragoras. [16:10] Haruaki     This one is Noriko, and that handsome one     over there that looks like an idol is Kazuo. [16:14] Haruaki     Oh, and this one with the     marshmallow body is Marshmallow. [16:17] Ageha     Yup. Can't tell them apart. [16:20] Hijita     Well, well. You look like you're having fun. [16:23] Ageha     What? [16:24] Hijita     Mind if we join you? [16:27] Ageha     Wh-Who are you? [16:29] Hijita     Who are we? We're clearly     delinquents surrounding you. [16:32] Hijita     Can't you tell? [16:33] Mamekichi     Hiji-tan and the others are     purposely playing bad guys [16:37] Mamekichi     who get defeated to make     Seimei-kun look better. [16:39] Sano     Those are some old-school     delinquents, that's for sure. [16:42] Mamekichi     As for Seimei-kun... [16:44] Mamekichi     Hey! He turned into a sheep     being targeted by wolves. [16:48] Haruaki     H-H-H-H-Hijita-kun and     the others have gone bad! [16:51] Haruaki     They're gonna kill me! [16:53] Mamekichi     I know how he looks, but it's just Hiji-tan. [16:56] Mamekichi     The same Hiji-tan who bawls his eyes     out reading shojo manga sometimes. [16:59] Mamekichi     What's so scary about him? [17:01] Haruaki     I-I'm sorry. Delinquents are the one     thing I absolutely can't deal with... [17:06] Haruaki     They're scarier than bandits or robbers. [17:10] Sano     Bandits and robbers are definitely scarier. SIGN    Script [17:13] Nyuudou     Hey, do you really have time to     be scared, Cow Lick-sensei? SIGN    Script [17:17] Beniko     You better hurry up and reform us, SIGN    Script SIGN    Script SIGN    Script [17:19] Beniko     or we're gonna take money     from the guys in Class 3. [17:22] Class 3     S-Save us! SIGN    Fire [17:25] Mamekichi     Oh, no! They're not delinquents!     They're robbers! [17:28] Haruaki     Y-You shouldn't do that! Bad! [17:32] Sano     Stop scolding them so poorly! Bad! [17:37] Haruaki     Yeah, so if you keep getting yelled     at, you're gonna end up like him. [17:44] All     We're sorry! [17:47] Ageha     Amazing! Abe-sensei's words have made     these delinquents turn over a new leaf! [17:52] Sano     This TV crew is pretty stupid. [17:57] Hijita     We'll live proper lives from now on. [17:59] Tamao     I'll wear a helmet when I ride my bike. [18:02] Mujina     I'll go back to my afro. [18:03] Nyuudou     Huh? Uh... I-I'll try to     get into Tokyo University. [18:06] Beniko     Hmm... I can't think of anything. Tee-hee. [18:08] Sano     This is so half-assed. [18:10] Ageha     Okay, let's get back on track with     the club activities interview. [18:15] Haruaki     Well, I guess I can talk about the time when     the mandragora Noriko fought a wild tiger... [18:20] Mamekichi     Huh? Seimei-kun, one's missing. [18:23] Haruaki     Huh? [18:26] Ageha     Hey, isn't that it? [18:28] Marshmallow     Yahoo! [18:31] Haruaki     Marshmallow! [18:41] Haruaki     Marshmallow! [18:51] Sano     Damn it... [18:53] Sano     You need to think things     through, you dumbass! [18:58] Hijita     Not that we're in any place to talk. [19:01] Beniko     Seimei's recklessness is contagious. [19:05] Haruaki     G-Guys... [19:08] Haruaki     Thank you! [19:10] All     You're welcome! SIGN    Fire [19:14] Kurahashi     But we can't pull them up by ourselves. [19:19] Odawara     Where the heck did Oota,     Yanagida, and Maeda go?! [19:24] Fujihira     They're in the bathroom. Someone call— SIGN    Fire SIGN    Fire SIGN    Fire SIGN    Fire SIGN    Fire SIGN    Fire SIGN    Fire SIGN    Fire SIGN    Fire SIGN    Fire SIGN    Fire [19:28] AD     Leave it to me. [19:31] Mandragoras     Oh, thank goodness! [19:33] Haruaki     W-We're saved... [19:35] Hijita     I was reunited with my     dead grandma for a sec. [19:37] Beniko     Your grandma's still alive, though. [19:42] AD     You really showed some courage, kids. [19:46] Mujina     Huh? The AD's awesome. [19:49] Nyuudou     He's got the dignity of a producer. [19:58] Sano     Jeez... I get how you feel,     but don't push yourself too much. [20:03] Sano     You're shortening my lifespan. [20:05] Haruaki     Sano-kun... [20:08] Haruaki     It wasn't much, but... [20:10] Haruaki     I peed a little. SIGN    Q: Lastly, how would you like to spend the rest      of your time at the youkai school? [20:14] Haruaki     Well... I want to better myself     along with my youkai students. [20:21] Narration     The human teacher Haruaki Abe. [20:24] Narration     He would continue to better himself     as he teaches at the youkai school. [20:32] Haruaki     Hey, how was yesterday's show?     Didn't I look awesome?! [20:37] Sano     "Better myself," my ass! [20:40] Sano     Man, that acting was infuriating. [20:42] Hijita     Even if we didn't work so hard, they edited the     hell out of you to seem like a skilled teacher. [20:47] Hijita     It's actually infuriating. [20:49] Haruaki     B-But I heard the ratings were great, too. [20:52] Nyuudou     Yeah, yeah. You've already told us. [20:56] Haruaki     Oh, sorry. I've got a phone call. [21:01] Haruaki     Hello, Ame? It's been a while! [21:04] Haruaki     Thanks for those talismans. [21:06] Ameaki     I was wondering what was going on since     you suddenly asked for talismans. [21:11] Ameaki     But to think you'd become a     teacher a youkai school... [21:15] Haruaki     Yup. I think I'm more surprised     than anyone else. [21:20] Ameaki     Oh, yeah. [21:22] Ameaki     In return for those talismans,     I wanted to ask a favor. [21:27] Haruaki     A festival? [21:28] Haruaki     Oh, I guess it is that time of year... [21:31] Haruaki     Yeah, sure. That should be fine. [21:36] Haruaki     Okay, I'll head home to Osaka this weekend. [21:40] Beniko     Hey, did you hear that? [21:41] Hijita     Yeah, Haruaki's going home     to his parents' place. [21:45] Sano     Hey, don't tell me you guys are     planning on tagging along. [21:50] All     You bet your ass we are. [21:53] Haruaki     Yeah, everything's going well. [21:55] Haruaki     They even did a special feature     on me on Youkai TV yesterday. [21:59] Haruaki     I'll show you a recording     of it when I get home. [22:03] Haruaki     No, really! I'm serious! [22:05] Haruaki     You've gotta believe me! [22:07] Haruaki     I can do it if I try!