2 - Physical Exams Are Life-Threatening?! Source: Crunchyroll Translator: Editor: Timer: QC: (Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.) [00:07] Haruaki     My name is Haruaki Abe. [00:10] Haruaki     Due to a strange turn of     events, I became a teacher [00:14] Haruaki     at a school filled with youkai     on an island filled with youkai. SIGN    Grammar     <>     Example: This sailor     uniform is like silk     <>     Example: I was scolded     by Sano-kun. [00:18] Haruaki     I teach Japanese. [00:21] Miki     Abe-sensei, [00:23] Miki     it's only a little farther. [00:27] Haruaki     Today, I'm climbing. SIGN    Shatter! [00:32] Haruaki     Ah... Miki-sensei, I just     heard my heart shatter. [00:36] Miki     Well, glue it back together, then! SIGN    A Terrified Teacher at Ghoul School! SIGN    A Terrified Teacher at Ghoul School! [02:19] Haruaki     This is great! SIGN    Episode 2     "Physical Exams     Are Life-Threatening?!" [02:22] Haruaki     Thank you so much for inviting me. SIGN    Beer SIGN    Eggs [02:25] Miki     I figured we should get to know each other     better, now that we're coworkers. [02:30] Miki     Things were a bit hectic, so we didn't      get to introduce ourselves properly. [02:34] Miki     The name's Miki. Pleasure to meet you. [02:39] Haruaki     Oh, right. Your class is     right next door, right? [02:43] Miki     Shutendouji are oni, or ogre youkai. [02:47] Miki     Anyway, you don't need to be     scared of me. Let's be friends. [02:49] Haruaki     Likewise! [02:53] Miki     This is Hatanaka-kun. He's in     charge of student discipline. [02:58] Haruaki     It's a pleasure to meet you. [03:05] Haruaki     Um... [03:06] Haruaki     Hatanaka-sensei, what     exactly are you doing? [03:09] Hatanaka     Nothing. [03:11] Hatanaka     Don't worry about it. [03:15] Hatanaka     By the way, Abe-sensei, we need     to get an early start tomorrow. [03:19] Hatanaka     Make sure you don't oversleep. [03:20] Haruaki     Huh? Aren't the physical exams tomorrow? [03:24] Haruaki     Do we actually do something? [03:26] Hatanaka     Yes. [03:27] Miki     It's honestly pretty exhausting. [03:29] Hatanaka     Guiding the students and     preparing the equipment... [03:32] Hatanaka     Welcoming the doctors traveling to     the island... We do quite a bit. [03:35] Miki     Be careful, though. [03:37] Miki     Each year, at least one teacher     ends up in the hospital. [03:41] Haruaki     From physical exams?! [03:44] Hatanaka     Anyway, just know that we'll be     working you to the bone, Abe-sensei. [03:50] Haruaki     I'm already feeling it in my stomach... SIGN    The Next Day [03:56] Haruaki     Once you've changed into your gym clothes, [03:58] Haruaki     please follow the teachers' instructions. [04:01] Utagawa     What if I've gained weight? [04:03] Tamao     What if I'm shorter? [04:06] Haruaki     They might be youkai,     but they're still just teenagers. SIGN    Eye Exam     Listening Exam     Dental Exam [04:10] Odawara     Wh-What if they tell me to use LED? SIGN    Fear [04:13] Yanagida     What if I'm not 100% cotton anymore? [04:16] Maizuka     What if I'm not a tanuki anymore?! [04:20] Haruaki     Sorry... I can't help you with     youkai-specific issues... [04:24] Haruaki     But you're 100% a tanuki,     Maizuka-kun, so don't worry. [04:31] Hatanaka     Abe-sensei. [04:33] Haruaki     Oh, Hatanaka-sensei. [04:35] Hatanaka     I've already got a job for you. [04:37] Hatanaka     Please assist with the eye exams. [04:40] Hatanaka     First, go to the audiovisual room. [04:41] Haruaki     Oh, right. Got it. [04:43] Hatanaka     And when you get there, call this number. [04:45] Haruaki     But why? [04:47] Hatanaka     You'll find out when you get there! Now, go! [04:49] Hatanaka     No running in the hallway!     Power-walk dash your way there! [04:52] Haruaki     Come on! This is ridiculous! SIGN    Eye Exams [04:59] Ren     Up? [05:01] Haruaki     Up, he says. [05:04] Haruaki     And next? [05:09] Ren     Down? SIGN    Eye     Exams [05:10] Haruaki     Down, he says. [05:22] Satou-sensei     Down? [05:24] Satou-sensei     Up? [05:26] Satou-sensei     I see. [05:27] Satou-sensei     Okay, Nyuudou-kun. [05:29] Satou-sensei     Your vision is 130.0. SIGN    Hyakki Academy [05:31] Haruaki     The scale's so different,     I don't know if that's good or bad! [05:36] Ren     Damn it! I'm 0.5 lower than last year. [05:39] Haruaki     Um... [05:40] Haruaki     You just went from 130.5 to 130.0. [05:44] Haruaki     How does that possibly     affect your daily life? [05:49] Mandragora     Hatanaka-sensei...     The eye exams are done. [05:54] Hatanaka     You're late! [05:56] Hatanaka     The special exams are next! [05:58] Hatanaka     Take the cat and the tanuki from your class     and go see Miki in the nurse's office! [06:03] Hatanaka     Go on! Power dash! SIGN    Power Dash [06:06] Haruaki     He just abbreviated "power-walk dash!" SIGN    Power-Walk SIGN    Dash SIGN    Power Dash [06:09] Hatanaka     Power dash! [06:13] Haruaki     I've brought the cat and tanuki! [06:15] Miki     Alrighty. [06:17] Miki     Okay, you two. Why don't you step in here? [06:21] Miki     I bet something good will happen. [06:23] Tamao     Why? [06:28] Tamao and Mamekichi     Huh? [06:32] Miki     This cage has talismans     on it that seal spirit energy. [06:36] Haruaki     They're from my shrine. [06:39] Haruaki     S-Sorry about this. But you know, [06:41] Haruaki     we've got some doctors from off     the island here to see you. SIGN    Animal Youkai     This Way     Vaccines [06:45] Takahashi     Now, then... Time for some     really, really fun shots. [06:55] Mamekichi     I don't want any shots! Seimei-kun! [06:59] Tamao     Corporal punishment!     This is corporal punishment! [07:05] Haruaki     Huh? Nezumi-sensei, too? [07:09] Miki     All animal youkai will have to get these. [07:16] Hatanaka     Honestly... How can you be so scared     of shots at your age? How dumb. [07:22] Miki     Now, hold on just a second. [07:24] Miki     You're getting one, too, Hatanaka-kun. [07:30] Hatanaka     Let me out! [07:33] Hatanaka     I don't need a shot! SIGN    Laid-Back     Youkai Dictionary [07:37] Small old man     Laid-Back Youkai Dictionary! [07:39] Small old man     Kamaitachi use their sickle-like     hands to cut people. [07:45] Small old man     Why's he like that, though? [07:48] Hatanaka     Hey! Are you listening to me?! [07:48] Miki     Okay, Sensei. I'm handing them off to you. [07:52] Tamao     You ogre! Demon! [07:54] Nezumi-sensei     You heartless teacher! [07:55] Hatanaka     Give me back the 3,000 I lent you before! [08:00] Miki     Takahashi-sensei. [08:01] Takahashi     Huh? Oh, right. [08:04] Takahashi     One of my surgeries this afternoon canceled, [08:06] Takahashi     so I don't mind doing some     neutering. It'll be chop-chop. SIGN    Surgery gloves [08:13] Takahashi     I'm just kidding. It was a joke. SIGN    Surgery gloves SIGN    Surgery gloves [08:22] Haruaki     Don't worry, Maizuka-kun. [08:25] Haruaki     It'll be over before you know it. [08:26] Mamekichi     But I'm scared! [08:28] Mamekichi     Seimei-kun! Talk to me to     keep my mind off of it. [08:32] Haruaki     Okay, let's see... [08:34] Haruaki     Then... [08:36] Haruaki     It may be easier to brush me off     as another uniform fetishist, [08:39] Haruaki     but in my case, it doesn't     hit me anywhere, anytime. [08:43] Haruaki     It only hits me when my     heart's in the right TPO. [08:48] Mamekichi     Literally no one asked about that! [08:57] Haruaki     Tanuki! [09:01] Haruaki     S-Sensei, am I going to be okay? I'm a human... [09:06] Takahashi     Oh, you'll be fine. [09:09] Takahashi     Just the other day, I tried this     out on a human guinea pig— [09:12] Takahashi     On a human patient. [09:14] Haruaki     A guinea pig... [09:16] Takahashi     If you're that worried...     want to take this one, too? [09:21] Takahashi     It's a new medicine I just created yesterday. [09:27] Mandragora     No! [09:28] Haruaki     I-It's finally over... [09:31] Miki     Come on. All that's left is getting     the students' heights, so buck up. [09:35] Haruaki     I wanna go home... [09:39] Haruaki     So... [09:43] Haruaki     I have to climb up and     get his measurements? [09:45] Miki     We're counting on you, Abe-sensei. [09:50] Small old man     Daidarabocchi are giant youkai. [09:53] Small old man     People say that they made     mountains and lakes. [09:58] Miki     Go on. You're his homeroom teacher. [10:00] Haruaki     Couldn't you or Hatanaka-sensei do this? [10:03] Miki     Nope. Hatanaka-kun's definitely out. [10:09] Haruaki     It doesn't take much for him to lose heart... [10:11] Haruaki     L-Let's decide this fairly     with rock-paper-scissors! [10:13] Miki     Uh... [10:15] Haruaki     Come on! Rock, paper, scissors... [10:18] Mandragora     ...shoot! SIGN    And now, we're back at the beginning of the episode... [10:23] Haruaki     Dang it... why did I throw rock? [10:28] Haruaki     I was a fool to trust in rock! [10:33] Haruaki     Then again, I have some serious questions     about how paper wins by covering rock... [10:40] Haruaki     Break through it, damn it! [10:42] Haruaki     What do you think, Oota-kun? [10:44] Oota     Er, I'm not sure what I can say about     the rules of rock-paper-scissors... [10:49] Miki     Come on, now. Quit your complaining. [10:52] Miki     You're almost there. [10:55] Haruaki     I finally got to his ear! [10:58] Miki     Got it. Be careful. [11:04] Haruaki     Whew, that was a heck of a gust... [11:09] Haruaki     My Super Cute Uniform Encyclopedia! [11:17] Haruaki     No! [11:17] Haruaki     I decided a long time ago that when     I died, it'd be inside a uniform! [11:26] Sano     What kind of way to die is that? [11:29] Haruaki     Sano-kun! What are you doing here? [11:32] Sano     These physical exams are a pain, [11:34] Sano     so I skipped them to nap     on top of Oota's head. [11:36] Haruaki     You managed to climb onto his head? [11:38] Haruaki     You must be light on your feet. [11:40] Sano     Pretty much. [11:41] Mandragora     Heave-ho. [11:43] Haruaki     Hello? Miki-sensei?     Oota-kun is 130 meters tall. [11:47] Oota     Huh? 130 meters? [11:49] Oota     Yay! [11:52] Oota     I finally beat the Ushiku Daibutsu statue! SIGN    Ushiku Daibutsu     A huge Daibutsu     statue (120 m)     that's in Ibaraki     Prefecture and is     in the Guinness     Book of World     Records. [11:55] Small old man     The Ushiku Daibutsu statue is a statue in     Ibaraki Prefecture that's 120 meters tall. [12:02] Haruaki     Wow, that's some competition. [12:04] Miki     Well, I'm gonna go check on the other     students. Be careful getting back down. [12:09] Haruaki     Huh?! I have to get down by myself?! [12:12] Haruaki     Stare... [12:14] Sano     What? [12:15] Haruaki     Carry me all the way down on your back. [12:18] Sano     I see. I'll kick your ass. [12:21] Haruaki     What the heck? [12:22] Haruaki     If I was Maizuka-kun,     you'd be happy to take me down! [12:26] Haruaki     You'd be giving him VIP     treatment with drink in hand! [12:29] Sano     What the hell are you talking about?     There'd be a salad, too. [12:34] Haruaki     Wait, Sano-kun! [12:36] Haruaki     Hey, Sano-kun! SIGN    Itch SIGN    Itch [12:47] Oota     Sorry, Sensei. I sneezed. [12:52] Oota     Huh? He's gone. He sure got down fast. [12:59] Miki     Finally done! [13:01] Hatanaka     By the way, where's Abe-sensei? [13:05] Mamekichi     Sensei! Have you seen Sano-kun? [13:08] Miki     What? Sano-kun's missing, too? [13:10] Hatanaka     Honestly, where could they have gone? [13:16] Sano     Why is this happening to me? [13:19] Sano     This stuff always happens     when you're around! [13:22] Haruaki     This isn't my fault! [13:23] Sano     Shut up! Stay away from me,     you yakubyougami! [13:26] Haruaki     You're the yakubyougami! [13:28] Sano     Well, you're my yakubyougami! [13:31] Haruaki     No way... [13:34] Principal     You two! [13:35] Haruaki     S-Sorry, sir! [13:37] Haruaki     Um, I'll pay for the window I broke! [13:40] Principal     I see... [13:43] Principal     Then again... [13:45] Principal     That's not the kind of window that can be     replaced with a teacher's puny monthly salary. [13:49] Haruaki     Huh? Er... huh? [13:52] Principal     Well, given this opportunity, [13:55] Principal     there's something I'd like you     to do rather than pay for that. [13:59] Haruaki     Something you want me to do? SIGN    A Terrified Teacher at Ghoul School! SIGN    A Terrified Teacher at Ghoul School! [14:13] Haruaki     So instead of paying for the window,     I was asked to clean the pool, but... SIGN    Around here. [14:20] Oota     I'm sorry. It's all because I sneezed. [14:22] Haruaki     No, it's okay. [14:24] Haruaki     Anyway, you can shrink     down to this size, Oota-kun? [14:28] Oota     Oh, yes. I can. [14:31] Ren     Why do I have to go, too? [14:33] Tamao     Oh, come on. It's more     fun with you, Ren-Ren! [14:36] Mamekichi     I'm gonna swim the butterfly! [14:38] Hijita     Then I'm gonna do an Ina Bauer! SIGN    Hyakki Academy     Outdoor Pool [14:42] Haruaki     Did any of you even know     our school had a pool? [14:46] Hijita     Until last year, we had classes in the ocean. [14:49] Oota     We can't go into the ocean this year, though. [14:52] Haruaki     Really? [14:53] Oota     Yeah. Because it got hot     earlier than usual this year, [14:56] Oota     a bunch of umibouzu appeared     in the swimming area. [15:01] Haruaki     Oh, come on. They're not     jellyfish or anything. [15:05] Little old man     Umibouzu are youkai that live in the ocean. [15:07] Little old man     They sink ships and stuff. [15:11] Sano     Hey, isn't that it? [15:13] Haruaki     You're right. [15:17] Haruaki     Th-This is... [15:23] Haruaki     What is this? It's basically abandoned! [15:25] Hijita     This is gonna take more than a cleaning.     It needs a full makeover. [15:32] Haruaki     The pool water's dirty, too. [15:34] Ren     That's putting it lightly... [15:36] Ren     There's literally miasma coming from it. [15:38] Haruaki     It's basically the entrance     to the underworld! [15:42] Haruaki     A-Anyway... [15:43] Haruaki     Let's dump this water. [15:45] Sano     Can we actually dump it? [15:47] Sano     I feel like it'd destroy nature... [15:50] Haruaki     Well... nature created it...     and it's going back to nature. [15:55] Hijita     All right. I'll go drain it. [15:57] Sano     Hey, it's wet around the pool, so it's dange— [16:02] Tamao     Hijita fell into the poisonous swamp! SIGN    Sizzle... [16:09] Tamao     He's dead! He's definitely dead!     I heard some melting! [16:13] Oota     Hijita-kun! [16:14] Haruaki     No! [16:17] Sano     Like a mud youkai would melt and die. [16:19] Ren     Pretty much. [16:25] Hijita     That really sucked. [16:26] Haruaki     Oh, thank goodness you're alive... SIGN    Whew... SIGN    Whew... [16:33] Hijita     Good grief. Gosh, that was a close one. [16:37] All     H-Hijita! [16:41] Tamao     This is bad! [16:42] Tamao     Hijita's design and personality     have been completely redone! [16:46] Sano     This goes beyond aesthetics. It's just gross. [16:48] Sano     Why the hell is he blonde? [16:52] Ren     Oh, fine. [16:54] Ren     We just gotta accept that Hijita's dead and     do something about the poisonous swamp. [16:58] Ren     Got it? [17:00] Haruaki     O-Okay. This time, let's actually drain it. [17:03] Tamao     Even if we drained and cleaned this     pool, I don't think I'd want to... [17:07] Mamekichi     S-Save me! [17:08] Kappas     Heave-ho. Heave-ho. Heave-ho. [17:10] Haruaki     What the hell are those?! Kappa?! [17:12] Little old man     Laid-Back Youkai Dictionary! [17:14] Little old man     Kappa are youkai that live in rivers. [17:17] Little old man     They love cucumbers and causing mischief. [17:19] Kappa     Kappamaki! [17:20] Ren     They're trying to drag Mame     into the poisonous swamp! [17:23] Tamao     Forget the cleaning! [17:26] Kappa     Heave-ho. Heave-ho. Heave-ho. [17:26] Haruaki     They're so strong! [17:28] Mamekichi     No! I'm gonna end up like Hiji-tan, too! [17:32] Mamekichi     I'll turn into a really tall, handsome guy! [17:35] Mamekichi     Save me, Sano-kun! [17:55] Sano     Mame, are you okay? [17:57] Mamekichi     Sano-kun! [18:00] Sano     Forget being tall. You look best like this. [18:00] Mamekichi     I was so scared! [18:04] Ren     Dude, you're way scarier than the kappa! [18:09] Kappa     Don't get cocky just because     you beat us, ignorant fools. [18:14] Haruaki     Hey, it spoke! [18:15] Tamao     Who're you callin' ignorant fools, huh?! [18:17] Kappa     Sorry! [18:19] Kappa     But you see, in this pool... [18:21] Kappa     our master still awaits. [18:24] Haruaki     Huh? [18:38] Haruaki     It's a giant human-faced fish! [18:43] Small old man     Laid-Back Youkai Dictionary! [18:45] Small old man     A human-faced fish, as its name suggests, [18:48] Small old man     is literally a fish with a human face. [18:50] Human-faced fish     Hello, I am the master here. [18:53] Human-faced fish     Now, foolish youkai... [18:56] Human-faced fish     if you want to clean this pool,     you'll have to defeat me first! [19:00] Haruaki     Why, though?! [19:02] Human-faced fish     We can't have you puny youkai who can't even [19:07] Human-faced fish     defeat a single fish     entering this holy place. [19:13] Tamao     You've got some nerve to keep yappin'! [19:15] Tamao     You dumb fish, pickin' a fight with a cat! [19:19] Tamao     Bring it! [19:20] Tamao     I'll fillet you myself, you fish bastard! [19:27] Tamao     Oh, no. [19:29] Haruaki     Hey! He just nommed him! [19:30] Ren     T-Tamao! [19:32] Oota     Nyuudou-kun, it's dangerous     to get any closer! [19:37] Human-faced fish     Don't worry. You can have a tearful     reunion in my belly soon enough! [19:42] Haruaki     Oh, no! It's attacking us! [19:44] Sano     Isn't he just hungry? [19:46] Haruaki     Wh-Wh-What do we do?! [19:49] Sano     We don't need to waste     our time with these guys. [20:00] Sano     Oota, you'd be able to catch     this guy, wouldn't you? [20:04] Oota     Oh, right. Hi-yah! [20:14] Oota     Yay! I caught it! [20:17] Haruaki     Talk about a pathetic master. [20:19] Human-faced fish     Now that it's come to this,     there's nothing more we can do. [20:24] Human-faced fish     Stew us, grill us. Do as you please. [20:25] Kappa     Oh, Master... [20:28] Kappa     Oh, I'm quite delicious as sashimi. [20:31] Oota     Uh... I don't think I'm gonna be eating you. [20:35] Mamekichi     Hup. Hey, master guy. [20:37] Mamekichi     Why don't you come to the biology club? [20:39] Mamekichi     You can stay in a gorgeous tank     with three meals and naptime! [20:42] Mamekichi     There's a girl human-faced fish, too,     and we'll change your water frequently. [20:47] Mamekichi     You kappa can come, too. [20:48] Kappa     Woo-hoo! [20:50] Mamekichi     What do you say? [20:58] Human-faced fish     Well, living together in     harmony is important. [21:01] Haruaki     Wow, the master is weak-willed. [21:05] Haruaki     Now that the master is gone,     let's get this cleaning done. [21:08] All     Yeah! [21:10] Haruaki     By the way, Oota-kun, this whole time... [21:13] Haruaki     your feet have been in the     poisonous swamp. You okay? [21:16] Oota     Huh? Um... [21:20] Oota     It's hot! [21:21] Haruaki     Is it hot?! [21:23] Oota     It's hot! [21:27] Haruaki     Hey, wait... [21:34] Haruaki     Um, so yeah... [21:38] Haruaki     For now, please settle for this... SIGN    Sorry [21:41] Haruaki     plastic pool. [21:43] Principal     Absolutely not. I'm docking     your pay, you fool. [21:51] Haruaki     And so, this year's swimming     classes were canceled. [21:59] Haruaki     Also, later on... [22:01] Haruaki     The master was indeed taken     in by the biology club. [22:06] Mamekichi     Good for you, Master!