# 8 - No Such Thing as a Meaningless Kiss
Source: [Crunchyroll](https://www.crunchyroll.com/series/GXJHM39MP/a-couple-of-cuckoos)
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
**[00:00] Hiro**
I, Segawa Hiro, in order to take back the
lead role, have something that I want to do.
**[00:10] Hiro**
Umino-kun,
**[00:12] Hiro**
let's get married.
**[01:45] Nagi**
Making a wedding pamphlet?
***SIGN*** Meguro Myoujin
Wedding Guide
***SIGN*** Accepting Applications
**[01:48] Hiro**
That's right.
***SIGN*** Episode 8: No Such Thing as a Meaningless Kiss
**[01:50] Hiro**
Our shrine does weddings, among other things.
**[01:54] Hiro**
We've been talking about updating it a little.
**[01:57] Nagi**
I see.
**[01:59] Nagi**
*Jeez. I was totally under the impression...*
**[02:02] Hiro**
And a bride is a lead role.
**[02:04] Nagi**
Which means...
**[02:06] Hiro**
In other words,
**[02:08] Hiro**
you and I are going to be the bride
and groom in the pamphlet.
***SIGN*** Meguro Myoujin
Wedding Guide
***SIGN*** Accepting Applications
***SIGN*** Me
***SIGN*** Segawa-san
**[02:17] Hiro**
Would you not be okay with that?
**[02:21] Nagi**
*Me and Segawa-san?! A marriage photo?!*
**[02:24] Nagi**
Let's do it.
**[02:26] Hiro**
Great!
**[02:28] Hiro**
Okay, I'll go discuss it with Mom.
**[02:31] Nagi**
Okay!
**[02:33] Hiro's Mom**
Absolutely not.
**[02:35] Hiro's Mom**
You can't be serious!
**[02:37] Hiro's Mom**
You're engaged.
**[02:39] Hiro's Mom**
You, hold a wedding?!
**[02:41] Hiro's Mom**
You're supposed to be confined here.
**[02:43] Hiro's Mom**
Why not spend your time
reflecting at the shrine instead,
**[02:47] Hiro's Mom**
U-kun?!
**[02:48] Nagi**
She knows about it!
**[02:51] Hiro**
We know it isn't your fault,
so she agreed to take you in.
**[02:57] Hiro**
But I guess a wedding was a bit too much.
**[03:01] Nagi**
Sorry I can't be of any help.
**[03:03] Hiro**
That just gets me even more fired up.
**[03:06] Hiro**
We're just getting started, Umino-kun.
**[03:10] Hiro's Mom**
Oh, my.
**[03:12] Hiro's Mom**
Who might have tidied up here?
**[03:17] Nagi**
There.
**[03:19] Hiro's Mom**
Did you do the cleaning?
**[03:22] Nagi**
Please, get some rest.
**[03:24] Nagi**
I don't mean this in exchange, but—
**[03:26] Hiro's Mom**
Nope.
**[03:28] Hiro's Mom**
This was supposed to be a job
for the part-time worker.
**[03:32] Hiro's Mom**
This just makes things more complicated.
**[03:37] Nagi**
I've wiped the floors in the halls, too.
**[03:40] Hiro's Mom**
I appreciate your enthusiasm,
**[03:42] Hiro's Mom**
but Hiro has a fiancé.
**[03:48] Hiro**
Well, shoot.
**[03:50] Hiro**
So that didn't work, either.
**[03:52] Nagi**
Forgive my ineffectiveness!
**[03:55] Hiro**
We're just getting started.
**[03:58] Hiro**
Have you given up, Umino-kun?
**[04:01] Nagi**
Your mother made it clear that we can't.
**[04:04] Hiro**
That's how it always is.
**[04:08] Hiro**
No matter how many times we fail,
we only need to succeed once to win.
**[04:14] Nagi**
*I see.*
**[04:16] Nagi**
* Segawa-san is who she is now*
* because she battles her mother.*
**[04:23] Hiro's Mom**
That boy, Umino-kun,
has driven Hiro to do so much.
**[04:29] Hiro's Mom**
Just who is he?
**[04:31] Hiro's Dad**
All right, then.
**[04:33] Hiro's Dad**
I'll deal with it!
**[04:35] Nagi**
That's great, Segawa-san.
**[04:44] Hiro's Dad**
Well, well, well... You must be Umino-kun!
**[04:50] Nagi**
Yes, but, uh...
**[04:52] Nagi**
Who might you be?
**[04:54] Hiro**
Dad...
**[04:58] Hiro's Dad**
I challenge you to a sumo match!
**[05:01] Hiro's Dad**
Defeat me, and I will allow the wedding.
**[05:05] Hiro's Dad**
Ready...
**[05:07] Nagi**
*What is even going on here?!*
**[05:11] Nagi**
*Then again...*
**[05:13] Nagi**
*I don't have a choice!*
**[05:16] Hiro's Dad**
Nokotta!
**[05:20] Hiro**
Umino-kun!
**[05:22] Hiro's Dad**
Heave-ho!
**[05:28] Hiro**
Splat.
**[05:30] Nagi**
Wait, wait! There's no way!
**[05:32] Hiro's Dad**
All right, approved!
**[05:34] Nagi**
Why?!
**[05:35] Hiro**
Nice!
**[05:38] Hiro's Dad**
Splendid!
**[05:41] Hiro's Dad**
Sumo is not all about winning.
**[05:44] Hiro's Dad**
Your courage in facing me is worthy of praise.
**[05:48] Hiro's Dad**
I like you, Umino-kun!
**[05:51] Nagi**
* I never thought I'd be taking a bath*
* with Segawa-san's dad, though...*
**[05:57] Hiro's Dad**
Me coming to this shrine is
why Hiro's in such a bind.
**[06:04] Hiro's Dad**
Her mom and I were
married by our parents' will.
**[06:10] Nagi**
You were?!
**[06:12] Hiro's Dad**
This shrine has a 1,300-year history.
**[06:15] Hiro's Dad**
There's a lot going on.
**[06:18] Hiro's Dad**
I was 23 and Asami-san was 21 when I was
adopted into the family as her groom.
**[06:28] Hiro's Dad**
When we first met, she seemed
like such an adorable lady.
**[06:38] (Flashback) Hiro's Dad**
Erm...
**[06:39] (Flashback) Hiro's Dad**
Is something the matter?
**[06:41] (Flashback) Hiro's Mom**
Am I marrying such a giant man?
**[06:52] Hiro's Dad**
Even after we got married, my feelings
for her went unrequited for a time.
**[06:58] Nagi**
That must have been difficult.
**[07:01] Hiro's Dad**
Not at all.
**[07:03] Hiro's Dad**
I've married a fantastic woman. I'm happy.
**[07:06] Hiro's Dad**
Which is why I want Hiro to
marry whomever she chooses.
**[07:14] Hiro's Dad**
Asami-san married me to protect this shrine.
**[07:18] Hiro's Dad**
But I'm sure she still has her regrets.
**[07:22] Hiro's Dad**
If she hadn't been engaged to me,
**[07:24] Hiro's Dad**
she might be much happier right now.
**[07:28] Hiro's Dad**
Not a day goes by that I don't consider it.
**[07:32] Hiro's Dad**
All right, that's enough time in the bath!
**[07:34] Nagi**
Yes, sir!
**[07:40] Nagi**
*Yakisoba!*
**[07:43] Hiro's Dad**
Umino-kun, are you all right?!
**[07:45] Hiro's Dad**
You're gonna catch a cold,
letting your yakisoba bun hang out like that!
**[07:56] Hiro's Mom**
You may allow it, but I will not.
**[08:00] Hiro's Mom**
How would you face your fiancé
with a pamphlet like that out there?
**[08:06] Hiro**
I'm not marrying my fiancé.
**[08:11] Hiro's Mom**
Here we go again.
**[08:14] Hiro's Mom**
Why, exactly, are you so adamantly against it?
**[08:18] Hiro**
Because I've seen you and Dad.
**[08:21] Hiro**
I know marrying someone arranged by
my parents isn't going to make me happy.
**[08:25] Hiro's Mom**
My!
**[08:29] Hiro**
Why do I have to get married
when it isn't going to make me happy?
**[08:33] Hiro**
I'll protect the shrine without doing that!
**[08:36] Hiro's Mom**
This isn't about just you!
**[08:39] Hiro's Mom**
What would you know?!
**[08:41] Hiro**
You're the one who doesn't get it!
**[08:43] Hiro's Dad**
Why don't you allow her already?!
**[08:47] Hiro's Dad**
Asami-san, it's just a wedding photo!
**[08:50] Hiro's Dad**
It's fiction!
**[08:53] Hiro's Mom**
That isn't what we're discussing right now.
**[08:55] Hiro's Mom**
I take issue with you, too.
**[08:58] Hiro's Mom**
You may be large,
but you're utterly helpless.
**[09:02] Hiro's Mom**
You can't button your shirts,
**[09:05] Hiro's Mom**
you keep breaking things...
**[09:08] Hiro's Dad**
I didn't do anything to tear it.
**[09:08] Hiro's Mom**
And how many tabi socks have you torn?
**[09:12] Nagi**
*Uh-oh.*
**[09:13] Hiro's Mom**
You've destroyed the shrine ceiling.
**[09:15] Hiro's Mom**
You've made kids cry
during their shrine visits.
**[09:18] Hiro's Mom**
All you can manage to do without me is sumo!
**[09:22] Hiro's Dad**
Sumo!
**[09:23] Hiro**
Dad, be strong!
**[09:25] Nagi**
*Huh?*
**[09:26] Hiro**
And you, Mom!
**[09:28] Hiro**
You could at least say he can't
take care of anything around him!
**[09:34] Nagi**
Isn't that what that is about?
**[09:39] Nagi**
Segawa-san's mother is always with her father.
**[09:45] Nagi**
You've seen him all the time.
**[09:47] Nagi**
You know him inside-out.
**[09:50] Nagi**
You wouldn't do that if you hated him.
**[09:54] Nagi**
That's how much you love him, isn't it?
**[10:00] Hiro's Mom**
To say out loud that I love him
is such a Western notion...
**[10:07] Nagi**
Is he roaring?!
**[10:08] Hiro**
Don't cry, Dad.
**[10:13] Hiro**
Thanks, Umino-kun.
**[10:16] Nagi**
Huh?
**[10:17] Hiro**
I got to know something about
my family that I didn't before.
**[10:20] Hiro**
Mom used to hate Dad, but she
started liking him over time, I guess.
**[10:26] Nagi**
Seems like it.
**[10:28] Hiro**
I found that out in the short time
that you've been here.
**[10:33] Hiro**
I wonder if I'd learn more if we married.
**[10:39] Hiro**
Kidding.
**[10:40] Nagi**
Kidding?!
**[10:43] Hiro**
But...
**[10:46] Hiro**
Maybe I'm free to have
my own relationships now.
**[10:53] Hiro**
I mean, it doesn't matter why you
got married in the beginning.
**[10:57] Hiro**
What matters is that you're happy now, right?
**[11:01] Hiro**
That means it doesn't have to
be the person I'm engaged to.
**[11:10] Hiro**
Hey, Umino-kun...
**[11:13] Nagi**
Yes? What is it?!
**[11:17] Hiro**
I...
**[11:20] Hiro's Dad**
Hey, you two!
**[11:23] Hiro's Dad**
I've changed my mind!
**[11:25] Hiro's Dad**
Hiro, you are to marry your fiancé!
**[11:29] Hiro's Dad**
I've thought it through and realized
**[11:31] Hiro's Dad**
that marrying your fiancé is
the best way to find happiness!
**[11:36] Hiro**
What are you talking about?!
**[11:39] Hiro**
Mom, please, say something!
**[11:41] Hiro's Mom**
He's absolutely right.
**[11:43] Hiro**
Come on!
**[12:01] Hiro**
Umino-kun.
**[12:02] Hiro**
We officially got permission to do the wedding.
**[12:07] Nagi**
You did it!
**[12:09] Hiro**
It's all thanks to you.
**[12:11] Nagi**
Did I do something?
**[12:14] Hiro**
Mom isn't convinced yet...
**[12:17] (Flashback) Hiro's Dad**
Please, Asami-san!
Don't you want to see it, as a parent?!
**[12:17] Hiro**
But Dad was desperate to see me
as a bride, so he convinced her.
**[12:22] Hiro**
All right, let's do this!
**[12:26] Nagi**
I definitely haven't done anything, have I?
***SIGN*** Elementary School
***SIGN*** Middle School
***SIGN*** Preschool
**[12:30] Nagi**
A video recording your growth?
**[12:33] Hiro**
I think a wedding is meant to thank
your parents for raising you, too.
**[12:39] Hiro**
I want my parents to think back to the past.
**[12:43] Nagi**
Makes sense.
**[12:46] Nagi**
I can't believe this used to be you.
**[12:49] Hiro**
Well, of course.
***SIGN*** Winner
**[12:52] Hiro**
This was when I won at our
elementary school sports festival.
**[12:56] Nagi**
So you've always been competitive.
**[13:00] Nagi**
Though...
**[13:02] Nagi**
I can tell you really love this shrine.
**[13:08] Hiro**
Y-You can tell?
**[13:10] Nagi**
You don't smile like that outside the shrine.
**[13:21] Hiro**
You look good, Umino-kun!
**[13:24] Nagi**
Do I?
**[13:27] Nagi**
* Man, I'm getting nervous*
* now that I have the outfit on.*
**[13:32] Nagi**
*We're really doing this wedding, aren't we?*
**[13:36] Nagi**
*I know it's make-believe, but...*
**[13:38] Hiro**
Umino-kun, it's crooked.
**[13:47] Hiro**
By the way...
**[13:49] Nagi**
What... was that about?
**[13:53] Hiro**
What was what about?
**[13:54] Nagi**
At school, I mean...
**[13:56] Nagi**
Oh, no, that was an accident.
**[13:58] Nagi**
That was nothing, right?
**[14:03] Hiro**
There's no such thing as a meaningless kiss.
**[14:08] Hiro**
Um...
**[14:10] Nagi**
You mean...
**[14:15] Hiro**
I'm looking forward to the kiss after the vows.
***SIGN*** Umino-tei Diner
**[14:20] Erika**
Come on in!
**[14:22] Erika**
Welcome to Umino-tei.
***SIGN*** Trainee
**[14:24] Erika**
Are you ready to order?
**[14:27] Guy 1**
Wait, is this the wrong place?
**[14:30] Guy 2**
Hey, I know you!
**[14:32] Guy 2**
You're the daughter of that hotel tycoon.
**[14:34] Erika**
That's me.
**[14:35] Erika**
I decided to work here
for a while for experience.
**[14:41] Namie**
We just happened to be short-staffed,
so we're lucky she came by.
**[14:46] Yohei**
She's productive, and she's
popular with the customers.
**[14:50] Yohei**
You'll have to work hard to keep up, Sachi!
**[14:54] Namie**
Come on! The dishes are piling up!
**[14:57] Namie**
Pick up the pace!
**[14:58] Sachi**
I'm working on it!
**[15:00] Namie**
Sheesh.
**[15:01] Namie**
You're always so quick to talk back.
**[15:05] Yohei**
You haven't even been away
from the shop for that long,
**[15:08] Yohei**
and you're already losing your edge.
**[15:11] Erika**
Don't worry about it, Sachi-chan.
**[15:14] Erika**
Y'know, this is my first time spending time
here, so they're just being extra nice to me.
**[15:22] Erika**
I mean, I spilled some beer earlier,
and I've already broken five dishes.
**[15:27] Erika**
Tee-hee.
**[15:28] Sachi**
That's not it.
**[15:31] Sachi**
I'm worried about what Onii's up to.
**[15:36] Erika**
Oh, is that why you've been so down?
**[15:39] Erika**
You're so cute, Sachi-chan.
**[15:41] Sachi**
It's not just that.
**[15:45] Erika**
I'm sure Nagi-kun's doing great.
**[15:49] Erika**
He was obsessed with studying the
whole time we were in the hotel room.
**[15:55] Erika**
He's probably discussing schoolwork
with Hiro-chan right now.
**[15:58] Sachi**
You mean nothing happened?
**[16:03] Erika**
What do you mean?
**[16:04] Erika**
Nothing happened.
**[16:09] Sachi**
Okay.
**[16:12] Hiro's Mom**
Hey, Sachi, could you get the
evening paper from the postbox?
**[16:15] Sachi**
Okay.
**[16:21] Sachi**
An invitation?
**[16:27] Ai**
An invitation for me?
**[16:28] Ai**
For what?
**[16:31] Nagi; Hiro**
* The two of us will be holding*
* a wedding ceremony.*
**[16:36] Sachi**
What?
**[16:37] Nagi; Hiro**
*We would be delighted if you could join us.*
**[16:40] Nagi**
*Umino Nagi.*
**[16:41] Hiro**
*Segawa Hiro.*
**[16:42] Ai**
What?
**[16:44] Nagi**
*Just kidding.*
***SIGN*** Meguro Myoujin Wedding Ceremony Pamphlet Production Committee
**[16:46] Nagi**
*We would like you to participate as attendees*
**[16:49] Nagi**
* in producing photos for a wedding*
* ceremony pamphlet sample.*
***SIGN*** Open Today
***SIGN*** Umino
family
Segawa
family
(False)
Wedding
Ceremony
Meguro
Myoujin
**[16:54] Nagi**
*See you there!*
**[16:58] Hiro's Dad**
Looking good, Umino-kun!
**[16:59] Hiro's Dad**
You look good in a hakama.
**[17:02] Nagi**
You're making me nervous.
**[17:03] Nagi**
Please don't—
**[17:19] Hiro's Dad**
Hiro!
**[17:22] Hiro's Dad**
You're the most beautiful thing in the world!
**[17:24] Hiro**
Jeez, don't make a huge deal of it, Dad.
**[17:26] Hiro's Dad**
Let me get a good look! Get a camera!
**[17:29] Nagi**
*Sh-Shit...*
**[17:29] Hiro's Dad**
Camera!
**[17:31] Nagi**
*Segawa-san's too beautiful.*
**[17:33] Nagi**
*I have no words.*
**[17:35] Hiro's Dad**
Why can't I get it to focus?!
**[17:38] Hiro's Mom**
Because you're crying.
**[17:40] Hiro's Mom**
You can't even take a proper picture.
**[17:43] Hiro's Mom**
You really are good for nothing
besides sumo wrestling.
**[17:46] Hiro's Mom**
I still haven't approved of this.
**[17:49] Hiro**
Come on, Mom.
**[17:52] Hiro's Dad**
Well, then, you two,
stand in front of the main shrine.
**[17:55] Hiro**
Come closer, Umino-kun.
**[17:57] Nagi**
Okay.
**[17:58] Hiro**
Right, we're getting married.
**[18:01] Hiro**
"Umino-kun" isn't right.
**[18:04] Hiro**
Nagi-san.
**[18:07] Nagi**
Hiro...
**[18:08] Nagi**
Hiro-san?
**[18:11] Hiro**
You're too tense, Nagi-san.
**[18:13] Erika**
What the? Holy crap!
**[18:14] Erika**
It's totally Japanese-style!
**[18:16] Erika**
Should I have dressed differently?
**[18:18] Nagi**
Amano-san!
**[18:19] Hiro**
Erika-chan! You made it!
**[18:22] Erika**
You're so pretty, Hiro-chan!
**[18:24] Nagi**
Also, why are you in a white dress?
**[18:29] Erika**
Is that wrong?
**[18:30] Nagi**
White is for the bride!
**[18:33] Erika**
Whoopsie-daisy.
**[18:37] Erika**
I thought it was just a party.
**[18:40] Nagi**
*Segawa-san's cracking up.*
**[18:42] Erika**
Weddings are nice, though, huh?
**[18:46] Erika**
I hope I can have one someday.
**[18:50] Hiro**
I wanna go to your wedding, Erika-chan!
**[18:54] Erika**
Come! Come!
**[18:55] Nagi**
* Who are they even imagining*
* getting married to?*
**[18:58] Staff**
Please be ready in the waiting room.
**[19:01] Erika**
I guess I should just wait here?
**[19:04] Hiro**
I'll have a surprise ready
while you're waiting.
**[19:08] Ai**
To our attendees,
**[19:11] Ai**
thank you for attending this (false) wedding.
**[19:17] Ai**
We'll be ready briefly, but in the meantime,
**[19:20] Ai**
I, Mochizuki Ai, will entertain you!
**[19:24] Nagi**
* She's overshadowing the bride with her*
* entrance when this isn't even her show!*
**[19:29] Ai**
You won't get away with this!
**[19:31] Ai**
No one gave you permission!
**[19:33] Ai**
No permission!
**[19:35] Nagi**
*And she's singing a jealousy song!*
**[19:38] Hiro**
Er, Ai-san...
**[19:40] Hiro**
We're just taking photos.
You don't need to sing.
**[19:43] Ai**
I don't allow things to be half-assed.
**[19:47] Ai**
I'll sing for Nagi-chan for my next act.
**[19:51] Nagi**
Huh? Sure.
**[19:54] Ai**
* Man... Ai-chan sure has*
* an aura when she's on stage.*
**[20:02] Hiro**
Umino-kun, the ceremony's about to begin.
**[20:04] Nagi**
Right.
**[20:08] Erika**
I never knew Shinto weddings were held
at the same place as where you pray.
**[20:12] Ai**
It's invigorating.
**[20:15] Ai**
Speaking of which, where's Sachi-chan?
**[20:17] Erika**
Oh, her?
**[20:20] (Flashback) Sachi**
I have exams coming up.
**[20:23] (Flashback) Sachi**
And I'm not interested.
**[20:25] Erika**
She couldn't make it because
she has mock exams.
**[20:27] Ai**
I see.
**[20:32] Officiator**
Please welcome the bride and the groom.
**[20:37] Hiro's Dad**
Beautiful, Hiro!
**[20:38] Hiro's Dad**
You're fantastic!
**[20:39] Hiro's Dad**
So cute!
**[20:40] Hiro's Dad**
You look just like Asami-san
when she was younger!
**[20:44] Nagi**
*It's happening.*
**[20:46] Hiro**
It's pretty unnerving even
for a fake wedding, huh?
**[20:50] Nagi**
Yeah...
**[20:53] Nagi**
*The time has come!*
**[21:02] Nagi**
* Today, Segawa-san is*
* definitely the lead role.*
**[21:06] Nagi**
*And I, standing next to her...*
**[21:10] Officiator**
You may now kiss.
**[21:12] Erika**
What? They're actually gonna kiss?!
**[21:15] Officiator**
It's a Reiwa-style Shinto wedding.
**[21:18] Erika**
A what?
**[21:19] Erika**
I mean, I get that it'll feel
a bit dull without it, but...
**[21:23] Ai**
I'm against this.
**[21:27] Erika**
Is it just me, or are
Nagi-kun's eyes bloodshot?
**[21:30] Ai**
I can't stand to look, even if it's fake.
**[21:38] Nagi**
*Will...*
**[21:41] Nagi**
*Will this day...*
**[21:48] Nagi**
*come for real?*
**[21:52] Sachi**
Wait!
**[21:56] Sachi**
Please don't take my brother from me!
**[22:01] Nagi**
Sachi.
***SIGN*** Episode 9: The Real Enemy Is Sachi-chan!!
**[23:35] Sachi**
"The Real Enemy Is Sachi-chan!!"