8 - No Such Thing as a Meaningless Kiss
Source: Crunchyroll
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(Please feel free to edit the speaker names if incomplete or inaccurate. Names are handled on a best-effort basis depending on the info on the source file. Dialogue is left as is.)
[00:00] Hiro
I, Segawa Hiro, in order to take back the
lead role, have something that I want to do.
[00:10] Hiro
Umino-kun,
[00:12] Hiro
let's get married.
[01:45] Nagi
Making a wedding pamphlet?
SIGN Meguro Myoujin
Wedding Guide
SIGN Accepting Applications
[01:48] Hiro
That's right.
SIGN Episode 8: No Such Thing as a Meaningless Kiss
[01:50] Hiro
Our shrine does weddings, among other things.
[01:54] Hiro
We've been talking about updating it a little.
[01:57] Nagi
I see.
[01:59] Nagi
Jeez. I was totally under the impression...
[02:02] Hiro
And a bride is a lead role.
[02:04] Nagi
Which means...
[02:06] Hiro
In other words,
[02:08] Hiro
you and I are going to be the bride
and groom in the pamphlet.
SIGN Meguro Myoujin
Wedding Guide
SIGN Accepting Applications
SIGN Me
SIGN Segawa-san
[02:17] Hiro
Would you not be okay with that?
[02:21] Nagi
Me and Segawa-san?! A marriage photo?!
[02:24] Nagi
Let's do it.
[02:26] Hiro
Great!
[02:28] Hiro
Okay, I'll go discuss it with Mom.
[02:31] Nagi
Okay!
[02:33] Hiro's Mom
Absolutely not.
[02:35] Hiro's Mom
You can't be serious!
[02:37] Hiro's Mom
You're engaged.
[02:39] Hiro's Mom
You, hold a wedding?!
[02:41] Hiro's Mom
You're supposed to be confined here.
[02:43] Hiro's Mom
Why not spend your time
reflecting at the shrine instead,
[02:47] Hiro's Mom
U-kun?!
[02:48] Nagi
She knows about it!
[02:51] Hiro
We know it isn't your fault,
so she agreed to take you in.
[02:57] Hiro
But I guess a wedding was a bit too much.
[03:01] Nagi
Sorry I can't be of any help.
[03:03] Hiro
That just gets me even more fired up.
[03:06] Hiro
We're just getting started, Umino-kun.
[03:10] Hiro's Mom
Oh, my.
[03:12] Hiro's Mom
Who might have tidied up here?
[03:17] Nagi
There.
[03:19] Hiro's Mom
Did you do the cleaning?
[03:22] Nagi
Please, get some rest.
[03:24] Nagi
I don't mean this in exchange, but—
[03:26] Hiro's Mom
Nope.
[03:28] Hiro's Mom
This was supposed to be a job
for the part-time worker.
[03:32] Hiro's Mom
This just makes things more complicated.
[03:37] Nagi
I've wiped the floors in the halls, too.
[03:40] Hiro's Mom
I appreciate your enthusiasm,
[03:42] Hiro's Mom
but Hiro has a fiancé.
[03:48] Hiro
Well, shoot.
[03:50] Hiro
So that didn't work, either.
[03:52] Nagi
Forgive my ineffectiveness!
[03:55] Hiro
We're just getting started.
[03:58] Hiro
Have you given up, Umino-kun?
[04:01] Nagi
Your mother made it clear that we can't.
[04:04] Hiro
That's how it always is.
[04:08] Hiro
No matter how many times we fail,
we only need to succeed once to win.
[04:14] Nagi
I see.
[04:16] Nagi
Segawa-san is who she is now
because she battles her mother.
[04:23] Hiro's Mom
That boy, Umino-kun,
has driven Hiro to do so much.
[04:29] Hiro's Mom
Just who is he?
[04:31] Hiro's Dad
All right, then.
[04:33] Hiro's Dad
I'll deal with it!
[04:35] Nagi
That's great, Segawa-san.
[04:44] Hiro's Dad
Well, well, well... You must be Umino-kun!
[04:50] Nagi
Yes, but, uh...
[04:52] Nagi
Who might you be?
[04:54] Hiro
Dad...
[04:58] Hiro's Dad
I challenge you to a sumo match!
[05:01] Hiro's Dad
Defeat me, and I will allow the wedding.
[05:05] Hiro's Dad
Ready...
[05:07] Nagi
What is even going on here?!
[05:11] Nagi
Then again...
[05:13] Nagi
I don't have a choice!
[05:16] Hiro's Dad
Nokotta!
[05:20] Hiro
Umino-kun!
[05:22] Hiro's Dad
Heave-ho!
[05:28] Hiro
Splat.
[05:30] Nagi
Wait, wait! There's no way!
[05:32] Hiro's Dad
All right, approved!
[05:34] Nagi
Why?!
[05:35] Hiro
Nice!
[05:38] Hiro's Dad
Splendid!
[05:41] Hiro's Dad
Sumo is not all about winning.
[05:44] Hiro's Dad
Your courage in facing me is worthy of praise.
[05:48] Hiro's Dad
I like you, Umino-kun!
[05:51] Nagi
I never thought I'd be taking a bath
with Segawa-san's dad, though...
[05:57] Hiro's Dad
Me coming to this shrine is
why Hiro's in such a bind.
[06:04] Hiro's Dad
Her mom and I were
married by our parents' will.
[06:10] Nagi
You were?!
[06:12] Hiro's Dad
This shrine has a 1,300-year history.
[06:15] Hiro's Dad
There's a lot going on.
[06:18] Hiro's Dad
I was 23 and Asami-san was 21 when I was
adopted into the family as her groom.
[06:28] Hiro's Dad
When we first met, she seemed
like such an adorable lady.
[06:38] (Flashback) Hiro's Dad
Erm...
[06:39] (Flashback) Hiro's Dad
Is something the matter?
[06:41] (Flashback) Hiro's Mom
Am I marrying such a giant man?
[06:52] Hiro's Dad
Even after we got married, my feelings
for her went unrequited for a time.
[06:58] Nagi
That must have been difficult.
[07:01] Hiro's Dad
Not at all.
[07:03] Hiro's Dad
I've married a fantastic woman. I'm happy.
[07:06] Hiro's Dad
Which is why I want Hiro to
marry whomever she chooses.
[07:14] Hiro's Dad
Asami-san married me to protect this shrine.
[07:18] Hiro's Dad
But I'm sure she still has her regrets.
[07:22] Hiro's Dad
If she hadn't been engaged to me,
[07:24] Hiro's Dad
she might be much happier right now.
[07:28] Hiro's Dad
Not a day goes by that I don't consider it.
[07:32] Hiro's Dad
All right, that's enough time in the bath!
[07:34] Nagi
Yes, sir!
[07:40] Nagi
Yakisoba!
[07:43] Hiro's Dad
Umino-kun, are you all right?!
[07:45] Hiro's Dad
You're gonna catch a cold,
letting your yakisoba bun hang out like that!
[07:56] Hiro's Mom
You may allow it, but I will not.
[08:00] Hiro's Mom
How would you face your fiancé
with a pamphlet like that out there?
[08:06] Hiro
I'm not marrying my fiancé.
[08:11] Hiro's Mom
Here we go again.
[08:14] Hiro's Mom
Why, exactly, are you so adamantly against it?
[08:18] Hiro
Because I've seen you and Dad.
[08:21] Hiro
I know marrying someone arranged by
my parents isn't going to make me happy.
[08:25] Hiro's Mom
My!
[08:29] Hiro
Why do I have to get married
when it isn't going to make me happy?
[08:33] Hiro
I'll protect the shrine without doing that!
[08:36] Hiro's Mom
This isn't about just you!
[08:39] Hiro's Mom
What would you know?!
[08:41] Hiro
You're the one who doesn't get it!
[08:43] Hiro's Dad
Why don't you allow her already?!
[08:47] Hiro's Dad
Asami-san, it's just a wedding photo!
[08:50] Hiro's Dad
It's fiction!
[08:53] Hiro's Mom
That isn't what we're discussing right now.
[08:55] Hiro's Mom
I take issue with you, too.
[08:58] Hiro's Mom
You may be large,
but you're utterly helpless.
[09:02] Hiro's Mom
You can't button your shirts,
[09:05] Hiro's Mom
you keep breaking things...
[09:08] Hiro's Dad
I didn't do anything to tear it.
[09:08] Hiro's Mom
And how many tabi socks have you torn?
[09:12] Nagi
Uh-oh.
[09:13] Hiro's Mom
You've destroyed the shrine ceiling.
[09:15] Hiro's Mom
You've made kids cry
during their shrine visits.
[09:18] Hiro's Mom
All you can manage to do without me is sumo!
[09:22] Hiro's Dad
Sumo!
[09:23] Hiro
Dad, be strong!
[09:25] Nagi
Huh?
[09:26] Hiro
And you, Mom!
[09:28] Hiro
You could at least say he can't
take care of anything around him!
[09:34] Nagi
Isn't that what that is about?
[09:39] Nagi
Segawa-san's mother is always with her father.
[09:45] Nagi
You've seen him all the time.
[09:47] Nagi
You know him inside-out.
[09:50] Nagi
You wouldn't do that if you hated him.
[09:54] Nagi
That's how much you love him, isn't it?
[10:00] Hiro's Mom
To say out loud that I love him
is such a Western notion...
[10:07] Nagi
Is he roaring?!
[10:08] Hiro
Don't cry, Dad.
[10:13] Hiro
Thanks, Umino-kun.
[10:16] Nagi
Huh?
[10:17] Hiro
I got to know something about
my family that I didn't before.
[10:20] Hiro
Mom used to hate Dad, but she
started liking him over time, I guess.
[10:26] Nagi
Seems like it.
[10:28] Hiro
I found that out in the short time
that you've been here.
[10:33] Hiro
I wonder if I'd learn more if we married.
[10:39] Hiro
Kidding.
[10:40] Nagi
Kidding?!
[10:43] Hiro
But...
[10:46] Hiro
Maybe I'm free to have
my own relationships now.
[10:53] Hiro
I mean, it doesn't matter why you
got married in the beginning.
[10:57] Hiro
What matters is that you're happy now, right?
[11:01] Hiro
That means it doesn't have to
be the person I'm engaged to.
[11:10] Hiro
Hey, Umino-kun...
[11:13] Nagi
Yes? What is it?!
[11:17] Hiro
I...
[11:20] Hiro's Dad
Hey, you two!
[11:23] Hiro's Dad
I've changed my mind!
[11:25] Hiro's Dad
Hiro, you are to marry your fiancé!
[11:29] Hiro's Dad
I've thought it through and realized
[11:31] Hiro's Dad
that marrying your fiancé is
the best way to find happiness!
[11:36] Hiro
What are you talking about?!
[11:39] Hiro
Mom, please, say something!
[11:41] Hiro's Mom
He's absolutely right.
[11:43] Hiro
Come on!
[12:01] Hiro
Umino-kun.
[12:02] Hiro
We officially got permission to do the wedding.
[12:07] Nagi
You did it!
[12:09] Hiro
It's all thanks to you.
[12:11] Nagi
Did I do something?
[12:14] Hiro
Mom isn't convinced yet...
[12:17] (Flashback) Hiro's Dad
Please, Asami-san!
Don't you want to see it, as a parent?!
[12:17] Hiro
But Dad was desperate to see me
as a bride, so he convinced her.
[12:22] Hiro
All right, let's do this!
[12:26] Nagi
I definitely haven't done anything, have I?
SIGN Elementary School
SIGN Middle School
SIGN Preschool
[12:30] Nagi
A video recording your growth?
[12:33] Hiro
I think a wedding is meant to thank
your parents for raising you, too.
[12:39] Hiro
I want my parents to think back to the past.
[12:43] Nagi
Makes sense.
[12:46] Nagi
I can't believe this used to be you.
[12:49] Hiro
Well, of course.
SIGN Winner
[12:52] Hiro
This was when I won at our
elementary school sports festival.
[12:56] Nagi
So you've always been competitive.
[13:00] Nagi
Though...
[13:02] Nagi
I can tell you really love this shrine.
[13:08] Hiro
Y-You can tell?
[13:10] Nagi
You don't smile like that outside the shrine.
[13:21] Hiro
You look good, Umino-kun!
[13:24] Nagi
Do I?
[13:27] Nagi
Man, I'm getting nervous
now that I have the outfit on.
[13:32] Nagi
We're really doing this wedding, aren't we?
[13:36] Nagi
I know it's make-believe, but...
[13:38] Hiro
Umino-kun, it's crooked.
[13:47] Hiro
By the way...
[13:49] Nagi
What... was that about?
[13:53] Hiro
What was what about?
[13:54] Nagi
At school, I mean...
[13:56] Nagi
Oh, no, that was an accident.
[13:58] Nagi
That was nothing, right?
[14:03] Hiro
There's no such thing as a meaningless kiss.
[14:08] Hiro
Um...
[14:10] Nagi
You mean...
[14:15] Hiro
I'm looking forward to the kiss after the vows.
SIGN Umino-tei Diner
[14:20] Erika
Come on in!
[14:22] Erika
Welcome to Umino-tei.
SIGN Trainee
[14:24] Erika
Are you ready to order?
[14:27] Guy 1
Wait, is this the wrong place?
[14:30] Guy 2
Hey, I know you!
[14:32] Guy 2
You're the daughter of that hotel tycoon.
[14:34] Erika
That's me.
[14:35] Erika
I decided to work here
for a while for experience.
[14:41] Namie
We just happened to be short-staffed,
so we're lucky she came by.
[14:46] Yohei
She's productive, and she's
popular with the customers.
[14:50] Yohei
You'll have to work hard to keep up, Sachi!
[14:54] Namie
Come on! The dishes are piling up!
[14:57] Namie
Pick up the pace!
[14:58] Sachi
I'm working on it!
[15:00] Namie
Sheesh.
[15:01] Namie
You're always so quick to talk back.
[15:05] Yohei
You haven't even been away
from the shop for that long,
[15:08] Yohei
and you're already losing your edge.
[15:11] Erika
Don't worry about it, Sachi-chan.
[15:14] Erika
Y'know, this is my first time spending time
here, so they're just being extra nice to me.
[15:22] Erika
I mean, I spilled some beer earlier,
and I've already broken five dishes.
[15:27] Erika
Tee-hee.
[15:28] Sachi
That's not it.
[15:31] Sachi
I'm worried about what Onii's up to.
[15:36] Erika
Oh, is that why you've been so down?
[15:39] Erika
You're so cute, Sachi-chan.
[15:41] Sachi
It's not just that.
[15:45] Erika
I'm sure Nagi-kun's doing great.
[15:49] Erika
He was obsessed with studying the
whole time we were in the hotel room.
[15:55] Erika
He's probably discussing schoolwork
with Hiro-chan right now.
[15:58] Sachi
You mean nothing happened?
[16:03] Erika
What do you mean?
[16:04] Erika
Nothing happened.
[16:09] Sachi
Okay.
[16:12] Hiro's Mom
Hey, Sachi, could you get the
evening paper from the postbox?
[16:15] Sachi
Okay.
[16:21] Sachi
An invitation?
[16:27] Ai
An invitation for me?
[16:28] Ai
For what?
[16:31] Nagi; Hiro
The two of us will be holding
a wedding ceremony.
[16:36] Sachi
What?
[16:37] Nagi; Hiro
We would be delighted if you could join us.
[16:40] Nagi
Umino Nagi.
[16:41] Hiro
Segawa Hiro.
[16:42] Ai
What?
[16:44] Nagi
Just kidding.
SIGN Meguro Myoujin Wedding Ceremony Pamphlet Production Committee
[16:46] Nagi
We would like you to participate as attendees
[16:49] Nagi
in producing photos for a wedding
ceremony pamphlet sample.
SIGN Open Today
SIGN Umino
family
Segawa
family
(False)
Wedding
Ceremony
Meguro
Myoujin
[16:54] Nagi
See you there!
[16:58] Hiro's Dad
Looking good, Umino-kun!
[16:59] Hiro's Dad
You look good in a hakama.
[17:02] Nagi
You're making me nervous.
[17:03] Nagi
Please don't—
[17:19] Hiro's Dad
Hiro!
[17:22] Hiro's Dad
You're the most beautiful thing in the world!
[17:24] Hiro
Jeez, don't make a huge deal of it, Dad.
[17:26] Hiro's Dad
Let me get a good look! Get a camera!
[17:29] Nagi
Sh-Shit...
[17:29] Hiro's Dad
Camera!
[17:31] Nagi
Segawa-san's too beautiful.
[17:33] Nagi
I have no words.
[17:35] Hiro's Dad
Why can't I get it to focus?!
[17:38] Hiro's Mom
Because you're crying.
[17:40] Hiro's Mom
You can't even take a proper picture.
[17:43] Hiro's Mom
You really are good for nothing
besides sumo wrestling.
[17:46] Hiro's Mom
I still haven't approved of this.
[17:49] Hiro
Come on, Mom.
[17:52] Hiro's Dad
Well, then, you two,
stand in front of the main shrine.
[17:55] Hiro
Come closer, Umino-kun.
[17:57] Nagi
Okay.
[17:58] Hiro
Right, we're getting married.
[18:01] Hiro
"Umino-kun" isn't right.
[18:04] Hiro
Nagi-san.
[18:07] Nagi
Hiro...
[18:08] Nagi
Hiro-san?
[18:11] Hiro
You're too tense, Nagi-san.
[18:13] Erika
What the? Holy crap!
[18:14] Erika
It's totally Japanese-style!
[18:16] Erika
Should I have dressed differently?
[18:18] Nagi
Amano-san!
[18:19] Hiro
Erika-chan! You made it!
[18:22] Erika
You're so pretty, Hiro-chan!
[18:24] Nagi
Also, why are you in a white dress?
[18:29] Erika
Is that wrong?
[18:30] Nagi
White is for the bride!
[18:33] Erika
Whoopsie-daisy.
[18:37] Erika
I thought it was just a party.
[18:40] Nagi
Segawa-san's cracking up.
[18:42] Erika
Weddings are nice, though, huh?
[18:46] Erika
I hope I can have one someday.
[18:50] Hiro
I wanna go to your wedding, Erika-chan!
[18:54] Erika
Come! Come!
[18:55] Nagi
Who are they even imagining
getting married to?
[18:58] Staff
Please be ready in the waiting room.
[19:01] Erika
I guess I should just wait here?
[19:04] Hiro
I'll have a surprise ready
while you're waiting.
[19:08] Ai
To our attendees,
[19:11] Ai
thank you for attending this (false) wedding.
[19:17] Ai
We'll be ready briefly, but in the meantime,
[19:20] Ai
I, Mochizuki Ai, will entertain you!
[19:24] Nagi
She's overshadowing the bride with her
entrance when this isn't even her show!
[19:29] Ai
You won't get away with this!
[19:31] Ai
No one gave you permission!
[19:33] Ai
No permission!
[19:35] Nagi
And she's singing a jealousy song!
[19:38] Hiro
Er, Ai-san...
[19:40] Hiro
We're just taking photos.
You don't need to sing.
[19:43] Ai
I don't allow things to be half-assed.
[19:47] Ai
I'll sing for Nagi-chan for my next act.
[19:51] Nagi
Huh? Sure.
[19:54] Ai
Man... Ai-chan sure has
an aura when she's on stage.
[20:02] Hiro
Umino-kun, the ceremony's about to begin.
[20:04] Nagi
Right.
[20:08] Erika
I never knew Shinto weddings were held
at the same place as where you pray.
[20:12] Ai
It's invigorating.
[20:15] Ai
Speaking of which, where's Sachi-chan?
[20:17] Erika
Oh, her?
[20:20] (Flashback) Sachi
I have exams coming up.
[20:23] (Flashback) Sachi
And I'm not interested.
[20:25] Erika
She couldn't make it because
she has mock exams.
[20:27] Ai
I see.
[20:32] Officiator
Please welcome the bride and the groom.
[20:37] Hiro's Dad
Beautiful, Hiro!
[20:38] Hiro's Dad
You're fantastic!
[20:39] Hiro's Dad
So cute!
[20:40] Hiro's Dad
You look just like Asami-san
when she was younger!
[20:44] Nagi
It's happening.
[20:46] Hiro
It's pretty unnerving even
for a fake wedding, huh?
[20:50] Nagi
Yeah...
[20:53] Nagi
The time has come!
[21:02] Nagi
Today, Segawa-san is
definitely the lead role.
[21:06] Nagi
And I, standing next to her...
[21:10] Officiator
You may now kiss.
[21:12] Erika
What? They're actually gonna kiss?!
[21:15] Officiator
It's a Reiwa-style Shinto wedding.
[21:18] Erika
A what?
[21:19] Erika
I mean, I get that it'll feel
a bit dull without it, but...
[21:23] Ai
I'm against this.
[21:27] Erika
Is it just me, or are
Nagi-kun's eyes bloodshot?
[21:30] Ai
I can't stand to look, even if it's fake.
[21:38] Nagi
Will...
[21:41] Nagi
Will this day...
[21:48] Nagi
come for real?
[21:52] Sachi
Wait!
[21:56] Sachi
Please don't take my brother from me!
[22:01] Nagi
Sachi.
SIGN Episode 9: The Real Enemy Is Sachi-chan!!
[23:35] Sachi
"The Real Enemy Is Sachi-chan!!"